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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/11427-0.txt b/11427-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..554c1e6 --- /dev/null +++ b/11427-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4056 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11427 *** + +A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS. + +BY ELLA RODMAN. + + +1851. + + +A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +The best bed-chamber, with its hangings of crimson moreen, was opened +and aired--a performance which always caused my eight little brothers +and sisters to place themselves in convenient positions for being +stumbled over, to the great annoyance of industrious damsels, who, armed +with broom and duster, endeavored to render their reign as arbitrary as +it was short. For some time past, the nursery-maids had invariably +silenced refractory children with "Fie, Miss Matilda! Your grandmother +will make you behave yourself--_she_ won't allow such doings, I'll be +bound!" or "Aren't you ashamed of yourself, Master Clarence? What will +your grandmother say to that!" The nursery was in a state of uproar on +the day of my venerable relative's arrival; for the children almost +expected to see, in their grandmother, an ogress, both in features and +disposition. + +My mother was the eldest of two children, and my grandmother, from the +period of my infancy, had resided in England with her youngest daughter; +and we were now all employed in wondering what sort of a person our +relative might be. Mamma informed us that the old lady was extremely +dignified, and exacted respect and attention from all around; she also +hinted, at the same time, that it would be well for me to lay aside a +little of my self-sufficiency, and accommodate myself to the humors of +my grandmother. This to me!--to _me_, whose temper was so inflammable +that the least inadvertent touch was sufficient to set it in a blaze--it +was too much! So, like a well-disposed young lady, I very properly +resolved that _mine_ should not be the arm to support the venerable Mrs. +Arlington in her daily walks; that should the children playfully +ornament the cushion of her easy-chair with pins, _I_ would not turn +informant; and should a conspiracy be on foot to burn the old lady's +best wig, I entertained serious thoughts of helping along myself. + +In the meantime, like all selfish persons, I considered what demeanor I +should assume, in order to impress my grandmother with a conviction of +my own consequence. Of course, dignified and unbending I _would_ be; but +what if she chose to consider me a child, and treat me accordingly? The +idea was agonizing to my feelings; but then I proudly surveyed my five +feet two inches of height, and wondered how I could have thought of such +a thing! Still I had sense enough to know that such a supposition would +never have entered my head, had there not been sufficient grounds for +it; and, with no small trepidation, I prepared for my first appearance. + +It went off as first appearances generally do. I _was_ to have been +seated in an attitude of great elegance, with my eyes fixed on the pages +of some wonderfully wise book, but my thoughts anywhere but in company +with my eyes; while, to give more dignity to a girlish figure, my hair +was to be turned up on the very top of my head with a huge shell comb, +borrowed for the occasion from mamma's drawer. Upon my grandmother's +entrance, I intended to rise and make her a very stiff courtesy, and +then deliver a series of womanish remarks. This, I say, _was_ to have +been my first appearance--but alas! fate ordered otherwise. I was caught +by my dignified relative indulging in a game of romps upon the balcony +with two or three little sisters in pinafores and pantalettes--myself as +much a child as any of them. My grandmother came rather suddenly upon me +as, with my long hair floating in wild confusion, I stooped to pick up +my comb; and while in this ungraceful position, one of the little +urchins playfully climbed upon my back, while the others held me down. +My three little sisters had never appeared to such disadvantage in my +eyes, as they did at the present moment; in vain I tried to shake them +off--they only clung the closer, from fright, on being told of their +grandmother's arrival. + +At length, with crimsoned cheeks, and the hot tears starting to my eyes, +I rose and received, rather than returned the offered embrace, and found +myself in the capacious arms of one whom I should have taken for an old +dowager duchess. On glancing at my grandmother's portly figure and +consequential air, I experienced the uncomfortable sensation of utter +insignificance--I encountered the gaze of those full, piercing eyes, and +felt that I was conquered. Still I resolved to make some struggles for +my dignity yet, and not submit until defeat was no longer doubtful. +People in talking of "unrequited affection," speak of "the knell of +departed hopes," but no knell could sound more dreadful to the +ears of a girl in her teens--trembling for her scarcely-fledged +young-lady-hood--than did the voice of my grandmother, (and it was by no +means low), as she remarked: + +"So this is Ella. Why, how the child has altered! I remember her only as +a little, screaming baby, that was forever holding its breath with +passion till it became black in the face. Many a thumping have I given +you, child, to make you come to, and sometimes I doubted if your face +ever would be straight again. Even now it can hardly be said to belong +to the meek and amiable order." + +Here my grandmother drew forth her gold spectacles from a +richly-ornamented case, and deliberately scanned my indignant features, +while she observed: "Not much of the Bredforth style--quite an +Arlington." I drew myself up with all the offended dignity of sixteen, +but it was of no use; my grandmother turned me round, in much the same +manner that the giant might have been supposed to handle Tom Thumb, and +surveyed me from top to toe. + +I was unable to discover the effect of her investigation, but I +immediately became convinced that my grandmother's opinion was one of +the greatest importance. She possessed that indescribable kind of manner +which places you under the conviction that you are continually doing, +saying, or thinking something wrong; and which makes you humbly obliged +to such a person for coinciding in any of your opinions. Instead of the +dignified part I had expected to play, I looked very like a naughty +child that has just been taken out of its corner. The impression left +upon my mind by my grandmother's appearance will never be effaced; her +whole _tout ensemble_ was peculiarly striking, with full dark eyes, +high Roman nose, mouth of great beauty and firmness of expression, and +teeth whose splendor I have never seen equalled--although she was then +past her fiftieth year. Add to this a tall, well-proportioned figure, +and a certain air of authority, and my grandmother stands before you. + +As time somewhat diminished our awe, we gained the _entrĂ©e_ of my +grandmother's apartment, and even ventured to express our curiosity +respecting the contents of various trunks, parcels, and curious-looking +boxes. To children, there is no greater pleasure than being permitted to +look over and arrange the articles contained in certain carefully-locked +up drawers, unopened boxes, and old-fashioned chests; stray jewels from +broken rings--two or three beads of a necklace--a sleeve or breadth of +somebody's wedding dress--locks of hair--gifts of schoolgirl +friendships--and all those little mementoes of the past, that lie +neglected and forgotten till a search after some mislaid article brings +them again to our view, and excites a burst of feeling that causes us to +look sadly back upon the long vista of departed years, with their +withered hopes, never-realized expectations, and fresh, joyous tone, +seared by disappointment and worldly wisdom. The reward of patient toil +and deep-laid schemes yields not half the pleasure that did the little +Indian cabinet, (which always stood so provokingly locked, and just +within reach), when during a period of convalescence, we were permitted +to examine its recesses--when floods of sunlight danced upon the wall of +the darkened room towards the close of day, and every one seemed _so_ +kind! + +My grandmother indulged our curiosity to the utmost; now a pair of +diamond ear-pendants would appear among the soft folds of perfumed +cotton, and flash and glow with all the brilliancy of former days--now a +rich brocaded petticoat called up phantoms of the past, when ladies wore +high-heeled shoes, and waists of no size at all--and gentlemen felt +magnificently attired in powdered curls and cues, and as many ruffles as +would fill a modern dressing gown. There were also fairy slippers, +curiously embroidered, with neatly covered heels; and anxious to adorn +myself with these relics of the olden time I attempted to draw one on. +But like the renowned glass-slipper, it would fit none but the owner, +and I found myself in the same predicament as Cinderella's sisters. In +vain I tugged and pulled; the more I tried, the more it wouldn't go +on--and my grandmother remarked with a sigh, that "people's feet were +not as small as they were in old times." I panted with vexation; for I +had always been proud of my foot, and now put it forward that my +grandmother might see how small it was. But no well-timed compliment +soothed my irritated feelings; and more dissatisfied with myself than +ever, I pursued my investigations. + +My grandmother, as if talking to herself, murmured: "How little do we +know, when we set out in life, of the many disappointments before us! +How little can we deem that the heart which then is ours will change +with the fleeting sunshine! It is fearful to have the love of a +life-time thrown back as a worthless thing!" + +"Fearful!" I chimed in. "Death were preferable!" + +"You little goose!" exclaimed my grandmother, as she looked me full in +the face, "What can _you_ possibly know about the matter?" + +I had nothing to do but bury my head down low in the trunk I was +exploring; it was my last attempt at sentiment. My grandmother took +occasion to give me some very good advice with respect to the behavior +of hardly-grown girls; she remarked that they should be careful not to +engross the conversation, and also, that quiet people were always more +interesting than loud talkers. I resolved to try my utmost to be quiet +and interesting, though at the same time it did occur to me as a little +strange that, being so great an admirer of the species, she was not +quiet and interesting herself. But being quiet was not my grandmother's +forte; and it is generally understood that people always admire what +they are not, or have not themselves. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +The old lady also possessed rather strict ideas of the respect and +deference due to parents and elders; and poor mamma, whose authority did +not stand very high, felt considerable relief in consequence of our, +(or, as I am tempted to say, _the children's_) improved behavior. I +remember being rather startled myself one day, when one of the +before-mentioned little sisters commenced a system of teazing for some +forbidden article. + +"Mother, mother,--can't I have that set of cards? We want it in our +play-room--Phemie and me are going to build a house." + +"I do not like to give you permission," replied mamma, looking +considerably worried, "for George does not wish you to have them." + +"Oh, but George is out, mother--out for all day," rejoined the +precocious canvasser, "and will never know anything about it." + +"But perhaps he might come home before you had done with them, and +George is so terribly passionate, and hates to have his things touched, +that he will raise the whole house." + +"Poor boy!" observed my grandmother dryly, "What a misfortune to be so +passionate! A deep-seated, and, I fear, incurable one, Amy; for of +course you have used your utmost endeavors, both by precept and example, +to render him otherwise." + +I almost pitied my mother's feelings; for well did I remember the +cried-for toy placed within his hands, to stop the constant succession +of screams sent forth by a pair of lungs whose strength seemed +inexhaustible--the comfort and convenience of the whole family +disregarded, not because he was the _best_, but the _worst_ child--and +often the destruction of some highly-prized trinket or gem of art, +because he was "_passionate_;" the result of which was, that my poor +brother George became one of the most selfish, exacting, intolerable +boys that ever lived. + +There was no reply, save a troubled look; and the little tormentor +continued in a fretful tone; "We'll put 'em all away before he gets in, +and never tell him a word of it--can't we have them, mother?" + +My mother glanced towards her mentor, but the look which she met +impelled her to pursue a course so different from her usual one, that I +listened in surprise: "No, Caroline, you can _not_ have them--now leave +the room, and let me hear no more about it." + +"I want them," said the child in a sullen tone, while she turned to that +invariable resource of refactory children who happen to be near a door; +namely, turning the knob, and clicking the lock back and forth, and +swinging on it at intervals. + +This performance is extremely trying to a person of restless, nervous +temperament, and my grandmother, setting up her spectacles, exclaimed +commandingly: "Caroline, how dare you stand pouting there? Did you not +hear your mother, naughty girl? Leave the room--this instant?" + +The child stood a moment almost transfixed with surprise; but as she saw +my grandmother preparing to advance upon her--her ample skirts and +portly person somewhat resembling a ship under full sail--she made +rather an abrupt retreat; discomposing the nerves of a small +nursery-maid, whom she encountered in the passage, to such a degree +that, as the girl expressed it, "she was took all of a sudden." + +I had given a quick, convulsive start as the first tones fell upon my +ear, and now sat bending over my sewing like a chidden child, almost +afraid to look up. I was one of those unlucky mortals who bear the blame +of everything wrong they witness; and having, in tender infancy, been +suddenly seized upon in Sunday school by the superintendent, and placed +in a conspicuous situation of disgrace for looking at a companion who +was performing some strange antic, but who possessed one of those +india-rubber faces that, after twisting themselves into all possible, or +rather impossible shapes, immediately become straight the moment any +one observes them--having, I say, met with this mortifying exposure, it +gave me a shock which I have not to this day recovered; and I cannot now +see any one start up hastily in pursuit of another without fancying +myself the culprit, and trembling accordingly. This sudden movement, +therefore, of my grandmother's threw me into an alarming state of +terror, and, quite still and subdued, I sat industriously stitching, all +the morning after. + +"Dear me!" said my mother with a sigh, "how much better you make them +mind than I can." + +"I see, Amy," said my grandmother kindly, "that your influence is very +weak--the care of of so large a family has prevented you from attending +to each one properly. You perceive the effect of a little well-timed +authority, and I do not despair of you yet. You are naturally," she +continued, "amiable and indolent, and though gentleness is certainly +agreeable and interesting, yet a constant succession of sweets cannot +fail to cloy, and engender a taste for something sharper and more +wholesome." + +Delicacy prevented me from remaining to hear my mother advised and +lectured, and the rest of my grandmother's discourse was therefore lost +to me; but whatever it was, I soon perceived its beneficial results--the +children were no longer permitted to roam indiscriminately through all +parts of the house--certain rooms were proof againt their +invasions--they became less troublesome and exacting, and far more +companionable. The worried look gradually cleared from my mother's brow, +and as my grandmother was extremely fond of sight-seeing, visiting, +tea-drinkings, and everything in the shape of company, she persevered in +dragging her daughter out day after day, until she made her enjoy it +almost as much as herself. Old acquaintances were hunted up and brought +to light, and new ones made through the exertions of my grandmother, +who, in consequence of such a sociable disposition, soon became very +popular. The young ones were banished to the nursery; and, as they were +no longer allowed to spend their days in eating, there was far less +sickness among them, and our family doctor's bill decreased amazingly. + +Our grandmother, having spent many years in the "mother-country," was +extremely English in her feelings and opinions, and highly advocated the +frugal diet on which the children of the higher classes are always kept. +Lord and Lady Grantham, the son-in-law and daughter at whose residence +she passed the time of her sojourn in England, were infallible models of +excellence and prudence; and the children were again and again informed +that their little English cousins were never allowed meat until the age +of seven, and considered it a great treat to get beef broth twice a +week. Butter was also a prohibited article of luxury--their usual +breakfast consisting of mashed potatoes, or bread and milk; and my +grandmother used to relate how one morning a little curly-headed thing +approached her with an air of great mystery, and whispered: "What _do_ +you think we had for breakfast?" "Something very good, I suspect--what +can it be?" "Guess." "O, I cannot; you must tell me." "_Buttered +bread_!" Our laughter increased as she gave an amusing account of the +blue eyes stretched to their utmost extent, as these wonderful words +were pronounced hesitatingly, as though doubtful of the effect; and in +consequence of various anecdotes of the same nature, the children's +impressions of England were by no means agreeable. Our little cousins +must certainly have been the most wonderful children ever heard of, for +by my grandmother's account, they could dance, sing, and speak French +almost as soon as they could walk. She also informed us, as a positive +fact, that on saying: "_Baisez, Cora--baisez la dame_," the very baby in +arms put up its rosebud lips to kiss the stranger mentioned. It would +have been stranger still for the younger children to speak English, as +they were always in the company of French nurses. + +Although my grandmother could so easily assume a stern and commanding +air, it was by no means habitual to her; and the children, though they +feared and never dared to dispute her authority, soon loved her with all +the pure, unselfish love of childhood, which cannot be bought. "Things +were not so and so when I was young," was a favorite remark of hers; and +as I one day remarked that "those must have been wonderful times when +old people were young," she smiled and said that "though not wonderful, +they were times when parents and teachers were much more strict with +children than they are now." I immediately experienced a strong desire +to be made acquainted with the circumstances of my grandmother's +childhood, and began hinting to that effect. + +"Were they very strict with you, grandmother?" asked we mischievously. + +She looked rather disconcerted for a moment, and then replied with a +smile: "Not very--I saw very little of my parents, being mostly left to +nurses and servants; but you all seem eager for information on that +point, and although there is absolutely nothing worth relating, you may +all come to my room this evening, and we will begin on the subject of my +younger days." + +We swallowed tea rather hastily, and danced off in high glee to my +grandmother's apartment, ready for the unfolding of unheard-of +occurrences and mysteries. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +We were all happily seated around the fire; the grate was piled up high +with coal, and threw a bright reflection upon the polished +marble--everything was ready to begin, when a most unfortunate question +of my sister Emma's interfered with our progress. She had settled +herself on a low stool at my grandmother's feet, and while we all sat in +silent expectation of the "once upon a time," or "when I was young," +which is generally the prelude to similar narratives, Emma suddenly +started up, and fixing an incredulous gaze upon our dignified relative, +exclaimed: "But were you _ever_ young, grandmother? I mean," she +continued, a little frightened at her own temerity, "were you ever as +little as I am now?" + +Some of us began to cough, others used their pocket-handkerchiefs, and +one and all waited in some anxiety for the effect. Emma, poor child! +seemed almost ready to sink through the floor under the many astonished +and reproving glances which she encountered; and my grandmother's +countenance at first betokened a gathering storm. + +But in a few moments this cleared up; and ashamed of her momentary anger +at this childish question, she placed her hand kindly on Emma's head as +she replied: "Yes, Emma, quite as little as you are--and it is of those +very times that I am going to tell you. I shall not begin at the +beginning, but speak of whatever happens to enter my mind, and a +complete history of my childhood will probably furnish employment for a +great many evenings. But I am very much averse to interruptions, and if +you have any particular questions to ask, all inquiries must be made +before I commence." + +"Were you born and did you live in America?" said I. + +"Yes," replied my grandmother, "I was born and lived in America, in the +State of New York. So much for the locality--now, what next?" + +"Did you ever see Washington?" inquired Bob, "And were you ever taken +prisoner and had your house burned by the British?" + +Bob was a great patriot, and on Saturdays practised shooting in the +attic with a bow and arrow, to perfect himself against the time of his +attaining to man's estate, when he fully intended to collect an army and +make an invasion on England. As an earnest of his hostile intentions, he +had already broken all the windows on that floor, and nearly +extinguished the eye of Betty, the chambermaid. To both of these +questions my grandmother replied in the negative, for she happened to +come into the world just after the Revolution; but in answer to Bob's +look of disappointment, she promised to tell him something about it in +the course of her narrative. + +"My two most prominent faults," said she, "were vanity and curiosity, +and these both led me into a great many scrapes, which I shall endeavor +to relate for your edification. I shall represent them just as they +really were, and if I do not make especial comments on each separate +piece of misconduct, it is because I leave you to judge for yourselves, +by placing them in their true light. I shall not tell you the year I was +born in," she continued, "for then there would be a counting on certain +little fingers to see how old grandmamma is now. When I was a child--a +_very_ young one--I used to say that I remembered very well the day on +which I was born, for mother was down stairs frying dough-nuts. This +nondescript kind of cake was then much more fashionable for the +tea-table than it is at the present day. My mother was quite famous for +her skill in manufacturing them, and my great delight was to superintend +her operations, and be rewarded for good behavior with a limited +quantity of dough, which I manufactured into certain uncouth images, +called 'dough-nut babies.' Sometimes these beloved creations of genius +performed rather curious gymnastics on being placed in the boiling +grease--such as twisting on one side, throwing a limb entirely over +their heads, &c.; while not unfrequently a leg or an arm was found +missing when boiled to the requisite degree of hardness. But sometimes, +oh, sad to relate! my fingers committed such unheard-of depredations in +the large bowl or tray appropriated by my mother, that I was sentenced +to be tied in a high chair drawn close to her side, whence I could +quietly watch her proceedings without being able to assist her. + +I know that our home was situated in a pleasant village which has long +since disappeared in the flourishing city; the house was of white brick, +three stories high, with rooms on each side of the front entrance. A +large and beautiful flower-garden was visible from the back windows; and +beyond this was a still larger fruit-garden, the gate of which was +generally locked, while a formidable row of nails with the points up, +repelled all attempts at climbing over the fence. The peaches, and +plums, apricots, nectarines, grapes, cherries, and apples were such as I +have seldom, if ever, seen since. My lather was wealthy, and my earliest +recollections are connected with large, handsomely-furnished rooms, +numerous servants, massive plate, and a constant succession of +dinner-parties and visitors. How often have I watched the servants as +they filled the decanters, rubbed the silver, and made other +preparations for company, while I drew comparisons between the lot of +the favored beings for whom these preparations were made, and my own, on +being condemned to the unvarying routine of the nursery. Childhood then +appeared to me a kind of penance which we were doomed to undergo--a sort +of imprisonment or chrysalis, which, like the butterfly, left us in a +fairy-like and beautiful existence. Little did I then dream of the +cares, and toils, and troubles from which that happy season is exempt. +My father realized in his own person, to the fullest extent, all the +traditionary legends of old English hospitality; he hated everything +like parsimony--delighted to see his table surrounded with visitors--and +in this was indulged to the extent of his wishes; for day after day +seemed to pass in our being put out of sight, where we could witness the +preparations going on for other people's entertainment. + +The presiding goddess in our region of the house was a faithful and +attached old nurse, whom we all called 'Mammy.' Although sometimes a +little sharp, as was necessary to keep such wild spirits in order, the +old nurse was invariably kind, and even indulgent. It was well indeed +for us that she was so, for we were left almost entirely to her +direction, and saw very little of any one else. Mammy's everyday attire +consisted of a calico short-gown, with large figures, and a stuff +petticoat, with a cap whose huge ruffles stood up in all directions; +made after a pattern which I have never since beheld, and in which the +crown formed the principal feature. But this economical dress was not +for want of means; for Mammy's wardrobe boasted several silk gowns, and +visitors seldom stayed at the house without making her a present. On +great occasions, she approached our beau-ideal of an empress, by +appearing in a black silk dress lace collar, and gold repeater at her +side. This particular dress Mammy valued more highly than any of the +others, for my father had brought it to her, as a present, from Italy, +and the pleasant consciousness of being recollected in this manner by +her master was highly gratifying to the old nurse. + +I was an only daughter, with several wild brothers, and I often thought +that Mammy displayed most unjust partiality. For instance, there was +Fred who never did anything right--upset his breakfast, dinner, and +tea--several times set the clothes-horse, containing the nursery +wardrobe, in a blaze--was forever getting lost, and, when sought for, +often found dangling from a three-story window, hanging on by two +fingers, and even one--who would scarcely have weighed a person's life +in the scale with a successful joke--and always had a finger, foot, or +eye bound up as the result of his hair-brained adventures. I really +believe that Mammy bestowed all a mother's affection on this wild, +reckless boy; he seldom missed an opportunity of being impertinent, and +yet Mammy invariably said that 'Fred had a saucy tongue, but a good +heart.' This _good-heartedness_ probably consisted in drowning kittens, +worrying dogs, and throwing stones at every bird he saw. Fred always had +the warmest seat, the most thickly-buttered bread and the largest piece +of pie. I remember one day on watching Mammy cut the pie, I observed, as +usual, that she reserved the largest piece. + +"Who is that for?" I enquired, although perfectly aware of its intended +destination. + +"O, no one in particular," replied Mammy. + +"Well then" said I, "I believe I'll take it." + +"There! there!" exclaimed Mammy, pointing her finger at me, "See the +greedy girl! Now you shall not have it, just for asking for it." The +disputed piece was immediately deposited on Fred's plate; and from that +day forth I gave up all hopes of the largest piece of pie. + +O, that Fred was an imp! There was nothing in the shape of mischief, +which he would not do. If left to amuse the baby, he often amused +himself by tying a string to its toe, and every now and then giving it a +sudden pull. The child would cry, of course, and, on the approach of any +one, Master Fred sat looking as demure as possible, while trying to keep +his little brother quiet. The string would then be twitched again for +his own private edification; and it was sometime before the trick was +discovered. My brother Henry had at one time several little chickens, of +which he became very fond. Day after day he fed, admired, and caressed +them; and Fred, who never could bear to see others happy long, began to +revolve in his own mind certain plans respecting the chickens. One by +one they disappeared, until the number decreased alarmingly; but no +traces of them could be found. We were questioned, but, as all denied +the charge, the culprit remained undiscovered, although strong +suspicions rested on Fred. At last the indignant owner came upon him one +day, as he stood quietly watching the struggles of two little chickens +in a tub of water. Henry bitterly exclaimed against this cruelty, but +Fred innocently replied that "he had no hand in the matter; he had +thought, for some time, how much prettier they would look swimming like +ducks, and therefore tried to teach them--but the foolish things +persisted in walking along with their eyes shut, and so got drowned." + +But one of Fred's grand _coup-d'oeils_ was the affair of the +cherry-pie. In those days ladies attended more to their household +affairs than they do at present; and my mother, an excellent +housekeeper, was celebrated for her pastry--cherry-pies in particular. +It was the Fourth of July; the boys were released from school, and +roaming about in quest of mischief as boys always are--and, as a rare +thing, we had no company that day, except my aunt, who had come from a +distance on a visit to my mother, while my father had gone to return one +of the numerous visits paid him. Cherry-pie was a standing dish at our +house with which to celebrate the Declaration of Independence. The +servants had all gone out for a holiday, no dinner was cooked, and the +sole dependence was on the cherry-pie. + +They sat down to dinner, and I heard my mother say: "Now, sister Berthy, +I really hope you will enjoy this pie, for I bestowed extra pains upon +it, and placed it up in the bed-room pantry out of the boys' reach, who +are very apt to nibble off the edge of the crust. This time, I see, they +have not meddled with it." + +The pie was cut; but alas! for the hollowness of human triumphs; the +knife met a wilderness of crust and vacancy, but no cherries. The +bed-room pantry had a window opening on a shed, and into that window +Fred, the scape-grace, had adroitly climbed, carefully lifted the upper +crust from the cherished pie, and abstracted all the cherries. My mother +locked him up, for punishment, but having unfortunately selected a sort +of store-room pantry, he made himself sick with sweetmeats, broke all +the jars he could lay hands on, and, finally, discovering a pair of +scissors, he worked at the lock, spoiled it, and let himself out. + +At one time, being rather short of cash, he helped himself to a +five-dollar bill from my mother's drawer; but even _his_ conscience +scarcely resting under so heavy an embezzlement, he got it changed, took +half a dollar, and then put the rest back in the drawer. This +considerateness led to a discovery; they all knew that no one but Fred +would have been guilty of so foolish, and at the same time so dishonest +a thing. + +My favorite brother was Henry; just three years older than myself, +manly, amiable, and intellectual in his tastes, he appeared to me +infinitely superior to any one I had ever seen; and we two were almost +inseparable. In winter he always carried me to school on his sled, saw +that Fred did not rob me of my dinner, and was always ready to explain a +difficult lesson. He was an extremely enterprising boy, with an +inexhaustible fund of ingenuity and invention; but, like most geniuses, +received more blame than praise. When quite small he constructed a sort +of gun made of wood, which would discharge a small ball of paper, +pebble, &c. This became a very popular plaything in the nursery, and for +once the inventor received due praise, on account of its keeping the +children so quiet. But one day Fred undertook to teach the year old baby +the art of shooting with it; and with a small corn for a bullet, he +placed the toy in the child's hands, turning the mouth the wrong way. +The young soldier pulled the trigger in delight, and by some strange +mischance, the corn flew up his nose. The doctor was hastily brought, +the child relieved with a great deal of difficulty, the dangerous +plaything burned, and poor Henry sent to coventry for an unlimited time. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +We had a girl named Jane Davis whom my mother had brought up from +childhood. At the period to which I refer, she could not have been more +than fourteen, and as she was always good-humored and willing to oblige, +she became a general favorite. Often, in the early winter evenings, with +the nursery as tidy as hands could make it, (for Mammy, although not an +old maid, was a mortal enemy to dirt and slovenliness) we all gathered +round the fire, while the old nurse and Jane spun out long stories, +sometimes of things which had happened to them, sometimes of things +which had happened to others, and often of things that never did or +could happen to anybody. But I must do them the justice to say, that +although they sometimes related almost impossible occurrencies, they +never, on any one occasion, took advantage of their influence over us to +enforce our obedience by frighful tales of old men with bags, who seem +to have an especial fancy for naughty children. The nearest approach +that Mammy ever made to anything of this kind was to tell us, when we +began to look sleepy, that the sandman had been along and filled our +eyes. On receiving this information, we generally retired peaceably to +bed, without being haunted by any fears of ghost or goblin. + +There was a wealthy and fashionable family who lived just opposite, +consisting of a widower, his sister, and two children--a son and +daughter. They lived in most extravagant style, and Jane positively +assured us that the housekeeper had told her with her own lips that +there was no end to Mr. Okeman's wealth, and that he even made his +daughter eat bank-bills on her bread and butter! Whether the son was +exempted from this disagreeable performance we never thought of +inquiring; but our awe rose ten percent, for a girl who was so rich as +absolutely to devour money. On being divulged, this grand secret amused +the inmates of the drawing-room very much, and our parents could +scarcely command their countenances to undeceive us. + +Jane Davis remained with us as nursery-maid until she was eighteen, when +my mother, who was always extremely kind to servants and dependants, +placed her at a trade, and supported her comfortably until she learned +enough to support herself. She afterwards married a carpenter, who +always performed for my father those odd jobs that are constantly +required in a house, and they came to live in a kind of cottage at the +end of the garden. They there commenced farming on a small scale, and +often supplied us with milk, eggs, poultry, &c. + +Mammy was a firm believer in signs of good and evil import; thus, if, in +dropping the scissors, they stood up erect on the point, she always said +that visitors were coming--a sign that rarely failed, as we were seldom +a day without them. Once I had wished very much for a large wax-doll. My +dreams were beautified with waxen images of immense size, whose china +blue eyes, long flaxen curls, and rosy cheeks, presented a combination +of charms that took my heart by storm. I sat one night, as usual, by the +nursery fire; my thoughts fixed on this all-engrossing subject, when I +ventured to communicate them to Mammy, and ask her if she thought I ever +would become the enviable possessor of such a doll. + +"I don't know," replied Mammy at first, "I think it's very doubtful. But +come here," she added, "and let me see your hand." + +After an examination, Mammy pronounced with an air of great mystery that +circumstances were propitious, and she was almost convinced beyond a +doubt that ere long the doll would be mine. She then pointed out to me a +small white spot on my left thumb nail, which she said always denoted a +present. I was rather incredulous at first, not conceiving that so +brilliant a dream could be realized; but after a while the doll actually +made its appearance, and I began to regard Mammy as something little +short of a witch, and became far more tractable in consequence of my +increased awe. + +Jane's stories, as well as Mammy's always began with "Once upon a time +there were two sisters;" one was represented as plain-looking, but +amiable--the other beautiful, but a very Zantippe in temper. By some +wonderful combination of circumstances, the elder lost her beauty and +ugliness at the same time--when some good fairy always came along, who, +by a magic touch of her wand, made both the sisters far more lovely than +the elder had been. Beauty was always the burden of the tale; people who +were not beautiful met with no adventures, and seemed to lead a hum-drum +sort of life; therefore, I insensibly learned to regard this wonderful +possession as something very much to be desired. I believe I was quite a +pretty child, with dark bright eyes, red lips, and a pair of very rosy +cheeks. I spent considerable time before the glass, and both Mammy and +Jane began to fear the effects of vanity. Often and often would the old +nurse say: "You needn't stand before the glass, Miss Amy--there is +nothing to look at," or when in a bad humor, "Don't make such faces, +child--you have no beauty to spare," and I can very well remember how +both would endeavor to persuade me that I was the most veritable little +fright that ever existed, and quite a bugbear to my relations. + +"What a pity," Jane would commence, as she saw me surveying myself with +an air of infinite satisfaction, "what a pity it is that Miss Amy has +such a dark, ugly skin--almost like an Indian, isn't it, nurse?" + +I had eyes to judge for myself, and knew that I was much fairer than +either Mammy or Jane; and somebody had remarked in my presence: "What a +lovely neck and shoulders!" therefore I generally remained perfectly +quiet while listening to these inuendoes. + +"Yes," Mammy would reply, "a very great pity--but an amiable temper, +Miss Amy, is more than looks; you must try and cultivate that, to make +up for your want of beauty." + +"And then," continued Jane, "only see how perfectly straight her hair +is! not a sign of curl, nor even a twist!--and black eyes have such a +wicked kind of a look; they always remind me of cannibals." + +Jane's eyes were as blue and bright as glass beads, while Mammy's, I +thought, approached a green, but with my own I felt perfectly satisfied; +for a lady had remarked in my presence what beautiful eyes I +had--adding that "dark eyes were so much more expressive than blue; blue +ones were so very insipid looking." The observation about my hair, +though, was only too correct, and touched me most sensibly. While most +of the other children possessed those soft, flowing curls, so beautiful +in childhood, mine obstinately refused to wave; and was, to use Jane's +expression, "as straight and as stiff as a poker." I had endeavored to +remedy this as far as lay in my power, and one day set my hair in a +blaze, while curling it with a very hot pipe-stem. I was, in +consequence, deemed one of the most abandoned of the nursery inmates; +and found myself minus at least one half of the hair I had hitherto +possessed. + +I really believe that both Jane and Mammy sincerely hoped to eradicate +my besetting sin, by such blunt remarks as the former; but no course +could have been less wise than the one which they took. I knew very well +that I was neither a fright, an Indian, nor a cannibal; and the pains +which they took to convince me to the contrary led me to give myself +credit for much more beauty than I really possessed. I also regarded +amiability as a virtue of very small account; and supposed that those +who practised it, only did so because they possessed neither beauty, +grace, nor anything else to recommend them. + +A great source of annoyance to me was my dress. As I was an only +daughter, some mothers, with the same means, would have enhanced my +attractions with all the aid of ornament, and established me as a +permanent divinity of the drawing-room, whom all must bow to and flatter +as they entered its precincts. But, although fond of display, and +surrounded with all the appliances of wealth, the taste of my parents +never did run much on dress; and I often felt mortified at my +inferiority to others in this respect. Such articles were then much +dearer, and more in vogue than at the present day, and a blue Circassian +formed my entire stock of gala dresses, and went the rounds of all the +children's parties I attended; my mother seemed to think, (with respect +to me, at least,) that as long as a dress was clean and in good repair, +there was no need of a change--she left nothing to the pleasure of +variety. There appeared to be an inexhaustible store of the same +material in a certain capacious drawer; did an elbow give out, a new +sleeve instantly supplied its place--did I happen to realize the ancient +saying: "There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip," and make my +lap the recipient of some of the goodies provided for us at our +entertainments, the soiled front breadth disappeared, and was replaced +by another, fresh and new--did the waist grow short, it was made over +again--there verily seemed to be no end to the dress; I came to the +conclusion that blue Circassian was the most ugly material ever +invented, and often found myself calculating how many yards there might +be left. + +My school hats always looked the worse for wear, and my Sunday ones were +not much better; but once my mother took me to the city, and bought me, +for school, a far handsomer hat than I had hitherto worn for best, and a +still better one for great occasions. Here I, who scarcely ever looked +decent about the upper story, actually had two new hats at once! The +best one, I remember, was a round gipsy flat, then altogether the +fashion; and the first Sunday I put it on I made a perfect fool of +myself by twisting my hair in strings, intended to pass for natural +ringlets, and allowing said strings to hang all around beneath the brim +of my hat. Mamma was sick and confined to her room, and I managed to +appear at church with this ridiculous head-gear. People certainly stared +a little, but this my vanity easily converted into looks of admiration +directed towards my new hat, and perhaps also my improved beauty--and +came home more full of self-complacency than ever. + +I have before mentioned that beyond the house there was a large +fruit-garden, respecting which, my father's orders were especially +strict. He expressly forbade our touching any of the fruit unless he +gave us permission; and nothing made him more angry than to have any +gathered before it was quite ripe. It certainly requires a child whose +principle of honesty is a very strong one, to pass every day in full +view of an endless bed of ripening strawberries, whose uncommon size and +luscious hue offered so many temptations. But bad as I was, I think I +was generally pretty honest, and resisted the temptation to the best of +my ability. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +I think I was about five years old, when one bright May morning my +brother Henry received especial instructions to be careful of me, and +see that I fell into no mischief on the occasion of my first day at +school. The luncheon-basket was packed with twice the usual quantity of +sandwiches, into which Mammy slyly tucked a small paper of sweet things +as a sort of comforter, with repeated injunctions to Henry not to make a +mistake and confiscate them for his own private use. A superfluous +caution--for Henry was the most generous little fellow that ever lived; +and was far more likely to fall short himself than that others should +suffer through him. Both Jane and Mammy kissed me repeatedly. I had on a +new dress of light, spotted calico, and a straw hat, with a green +ribbon, and a deep green silk cape--underneath the binding of my apron a +small handkerchief had been carefully pinned--a small blue-covered book, +and a slate with a long, sharp-pointed pencil tied on with a red cord, +were placed in my hands; and from these ominous preparations, and the +uncommon kindness of every one around, I concluded that I was at last to +meet with some adventure--perhaps to suffer martyrdom of some kind or +other. + +Poor Jane! My great passion was for beads, and when she perceived, from +various indications, that I was not exactly pleased with the change, she +ran up stairs, hastily loosened a whole string from a cherished +necklace, and returning quickly, slipped them into my hand. My mother +also came into the nursery to see that I was perfectly neat, kissed me +affectionately as she whispered to me to be a good girl and learn to +read, and with a strange, undefined sensation at my heart, I found +myself in the street with my hand fast locked in that of Henry. It was +that lovely season of the year when the fruit-trees are all in bloom; +and the sweet, flower-laden breeze, the busy hum of human life that rose +around, and the bounding, restless spirit of childhood, made me shrink +from the bondage I was about to enter. + +The school-house was a very pretty cottage with a trellised front of +bean-vines and honeysuckle; and when I entered I found, to my great +surprise, that Miss Sewell, the teacher, looked very much like other +people. There were two moderate-sized rooms, opening into each other, in +one of which Mr. Sewell superintended several desks of unruly boys--in +the other, his daughter directed the studies of about twenty little +girls. There were some large girls seated at the desks, who appeared to +me so very antiquated that I was almost afraid to hazard an idea +respecting their ages; and had I been asked how old they were, should +probably have replied 'at least fifty;' although I do not now suppose +the eldest was more than fourteen. + +Rather stunned by the buzz and noise of the classes reciting, and very +much puzzled as to my own probable destiny, I began to climb the hill +of knowledge. I said my letters; and Miss Sewell, having found that I +knew them pretty well, (thanks to Mammy's patient teaching), allowed me +to spell in _a-b, ab_, and _b-a, ba_, and set me some straight marks on +my slate. I met with nothing remarkable during my first day at school; +and on my return informed Mammy, as the result of my studies, that two +and one make four. Nor could I be persuaded to the contrary; for, +although I had been taught by the old nurse to count as far as ten, on +being examined by Miss Sewell, either bashfulness or obstinacy prevented +me from displaying the extent of my knowledge--and, while endeavoring to +explain to me how many one and one make, she had said: "There is one, to +begin with; well now, one more makes two," therefore as one made two in +this case, I supposed it did in every other. + +I learned to love the mild countenance of Miss Sewell, with her plain +dark hair and soft eyes, and was never happier then when she was invited +to tea; for then I was emancipated from the nursery and placed beside +her at table. I dearly loved to take her fruit and flowers; and white +lilies, roses, honey-suckles, and the most admired productions of our +garden were daily laid on Miss Sewell's table. For rewards we had a +great many wide, bright-colored ribbons, which were tied upon our arms, +that every one might see them as we went home; and she who could boast a +variety of ribbons was known to have been perfect in all her lessons. +Those who had fallen into disgrace were distinguished by a broad band +passed around the head, on the front of which was written in large +characters the name of the misdemeanor. + +One morning I had been rather negligent, and, having my suspicions as to +the consequence, told Mammy of my fears, and my dread of the disgrace. +The old nurse's anger even exceeded mine; she declared that her child +should not be treated so, and advised me to snatch it off and tear it to +pieces. I went to school, not having exactly made up my mind whether to +follow this advice or not; but my afternoon lessons fully made up for +the deficiency of the morning, and I escaped the dreaded punishment. I +had gone with several companions to the closet in which we deposited +our hats and shawls, and while engaged in the process of robing, I heard +a very loud voice talking in great excitement, and one which I +immediately recognised. I overheard Mammy exclaiming: "Where is my +child? Has she got that horrid thing on her head? I want to take it off +before she goes home." + +Blushing with mortification, as I noticed the tittering of the +school-girls, called forth by the loud tone and strange figure of the +old nurse, who had rushed into the room in her usual attire of +short-gown and petticoat, I came hastily forward, and was immediately +seized by Mammy, who exclaimed in surprise: "Why, I though you said you +were going to have that thing on your head! I was determined that no +child of mine should wear it, so I came after you to take it off." + +Mammy was one of the most independent persons I ever saw; she cared for +no one's frown, and poured forth the whole love of her warm Irish heart +upon us--tormenting and troublesome as we were. Sometimes she sung to us +of "Acushla machree" and "Mavourneen," and Mammy's Irish songs were +especial favorites with the young fry of the nursery. When we were +particularly obstreperous, she threatened to go away and leave us, and +never come back again; a threat which always produced copious showers of +tears, and promises of better behavior. Often have I watched her in +dismay as she dressed herself to go out--fearful that she would really +put her threat in execution, especially as conscience whispered that I +deserved it. At such times, nothing pacified me except the deposit of +her spectacles; when once the case was lodged in my possession, I felt +sure of Mammy--knowing that she could not stay long without them. +Sometimes she would tell us of her life in Ireland; but no act did she +more bitterly deplore than her marriage; complaining that the object of +her choice was far from what he appeared to be when she married him--and +further observing that as he turned out a very bad speculation, and +never gave her anything but a thimble, she wisely left him to his own +society, and emigrated to America. + +Mammy very often kept the key of the fruit-garden; and as she never +yielded it to our entreaties, the ever-ready Fred formed a conspiracy +one Sunday afternoon, in which, I am sorry to say, I took a very +conspicuous part--the object of which was to purloin the key, and enjoy +at last this long-coveted, forbidden pleasure. Fred actually succeeded +in abstracting it from Mammy's capacious pocket, and in high glee we +proceeded to the garden. It was in the time of peaches; there hung the +lucious fruit in such profusion, that the trees were almost borne down +by its weight. We ate till we could eat no longer; and then, happening +to see two or three men passing along, we threw some over the fence to +them. They, in return, threw us some pennies; and, delighted with the +success of our frolic, we continued to throw and receive, until startled +by a most unwelcome apparition. There, at the foot of the tree, stood +Mammy--her face expressing the utmost astonishment and indignation, and +her hands extended to seize us. She had watched our manoeuvres from one +of the windows, and astonishment at our boldness and ingenuity kept her +for sometime a silent spectator. But Mammy was not apt to be _silent_ +long while witnessing our misdeeds; and in an incredible short space of +time she gained the use of both her feet and her tongue. Our companions +caught a glimpse of flying drapery rapidly advancing, and rather +suddenly made their retreat; while we, now trembling, detected culprits, +took up a line of march for the house. + +Not so, Fred; defying Mammy to capture him, and laughing at her dismay, +he started off on a run, and she after him in full pursuit. We watched +the chase from the nursery-window; and as Fred was none of the thinnest, +and Mammy somewhat resembled a meal-bag with a string tied round the +middle, it proved to be quite exciting. But it was brought to an +untimely end by the apparition of a pair of spectacles over the fence; +said spectacles being the undisputed property of a middle-aged +gentleman--a bachelor, who, we suspected, always stayed home from church +on Sunday afternoons to keep the neighbors in order. With +horror-stricken eyes he had beheld only the latter part of the scene, +and conceiving the old nurse to be as bad as her rebellious charge, he +called out from his garden, which communicated with ours: + +"My good woman, do you know that this is Sunday?--Depend upon it, a +person of your years would feel much better to be quietly reading in +your own apartment, than racing about the garden in this unseemly +manner." + +Poor Mammy! she was well aware of this before; flushed, heated, and +almost overcome with fatigue, she looked the very picture of +uncomfortableness; and this last aggravation increased the feeling to a +tenfold degree. At that moment, Fred, unconsciously, stumbled into her +very arms; she looked up--the spectacles had disappeared--and convinced +of this fact, she bore him in triumph to the nursery. + +We had all expected personal chastisement, at the very least, but we +were thrown into a greater degree of horror and dismay than could well +be conceived; Mammy placed her spectacles in her pocket, collected her +valuables, and put on her hat and things, to take passage for Ireland. +We hung about her in every attitude of entreaty--acknowledged our +misdemeanors, promised amendment, and an entire confession of all the +sins we had ever perpetrated. I do think we must have remained upon our +knees at least half an hour; never had Mammy seemed so hard-hearted +before, and we began to think that she might be in earnest after all. We +begged her to whip us--lock us up--anything but leave us; and at last +she relented. She told us that she considered us the most abandoned +children that ever were born; and wished that she had two additional +eyes at the back of her head to watch our movements. We promised to +spend the afternoon in learning hymns and verses; and Mammy, having +taken her position in the large easy-chair, with a footstool at her +feet, tied Fred to one of the legs, as he sat on a low bench at her +side, and made us all study. We succeeded pretty well; although +considerably terrified at the sharp looks which Mammy from time to time +bestowed upon us. + +In the evening came the promised confession; and both Mammy and Jane +were rendered almost dumb by these dreadful instances of depravity. Such +secret and unsuspected visits to the store-room pantry--such +conspiracies against locks and bolts--such scaling of walls, and +climbing in at windows, were never heard of before. I rather suspected +Fred to have drawn upon his imagination for instances of the marvellous, +for such adventures as he related never could have been met with; but +Mammy and Jane believed it all. At the conclusion, the old nurse seemed +very much disposed to punish us at once for all these united +misdemeanors--and was only prevented by our remonstrating upon the plea +of a voluntary confession. + +That night I lay awake, pretending to sleep, and heard Mammy and her +satellite discussing our conduct in all its enormity. Considerably +influenced by their unaffected horror and astonishment, the thought for +the first time rushed upon my mind, that perhaps I might be much worse +than other people. It troubled me considerably; I found it impossible to +sleep, and following a good impulse, I crept softly out of bed, and +falling on my knees before Mammy, whispered to her to pray for me. There +must have been a very different expression on my countenance from its +usual one; for I afterwards heard the old nurse tell Jane that I +reminded her of an angel. I felt utterly miserable; and sobbing +convulsively, I begged Mammy to pray, not that I might have a new heart, +but that I might live a great while. I had begun to fear speedy +punishment for my misdemeanors. The old nurse, (although a really pious +woman), seemed quite at a loss how to proceed; and Jane, coming forward, +took me kindly by the hand, and reasoned with me on my conduct with all +the wisdom of riper years and a higher education. After convincing me +that I should ask, not for an increased number of years, but for a new +heart and temper, she knelt down with me and repeated the Lord's prayer. + +The scene is indelibly impressed upon my memory; for although I have +since witnessed scenes containing more stage effect, and quite as +melting, I never in my life remember to have been so affected as, with +Jane's arm around me, and the light of the nursery-lamp shining upon our +kneeling figures, I distinctly heard Mammy's sobs, as she repeated each +word with a peculiar intonation of reverence. I felt a respect for the +young girl ever afterwards; and as I clasped my arms about her neck and +pressed a warm kiss on her cheek, as I bade her good-night, the tone of +my voice must have been unusually tender--for I saw tears come into her +eyes as she asked Mammy if she was not afraid, from my flushed cheeks, +that I had some fever. Although petulant, and even violent when roused, +I had a warm, loving heart, capable of the most unbounded affection; and +from that time forth Jane and I never had a single dispute. She had +appeared to me in a new light on that Sabbath eve; and with my hand +locked in hers, I fell into a sweet, dreamy sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +One of my great troubles, and one too which I regarded in a pretty +serious light, was the obeisance I had been taught to make on meeting +"the minister's wife." I never came within view of this formidable +personage that I did not hesitate and tremble; while I looked wildly +around, in the vain hope of discovering a place of refuge. After +performing my awkward courtesy, I usually hastened on as fast as +possible, being oppressed with a most uncomfortable sensation of awe in +the presence of Mrs. Eylton. This was occasioned by the quiet observance +which I, like other children, took of the conduct of those around me. +Everything in the house seemed to be at her command; if Mrs. Eylton sent +for a thing she must have it immediately; and I drew my conclusions +that "the minister's wife" was a sort of petty sovereign, placed over +the town or village in which she resided, and that all we possessed was +held under her. + +Almost every day brought a request from Mrs. Eylton for the loan of some +article in our possession; a repetition of which would naturally lead +one to conclude that ministers merely procured a house, and then +depended for everything else on the charity of the public. This +borrowing mania appeared to gather strength from indulgence, for none of +the neighbors would refuse, whatever the article might be; and our +waffle-iron, toasting-fork, Dutch-oven, bake-pan, and rolling-pin were +frequently from home on visits of a week's duration. On sending for our +muffin-rings or cake-pans, we often received a message to be expeditious +in our manufactures; that Mrs. Eylton could spare them for a day or so, +"but wanted to use them again very shortly." Our parents would buy such +conveniences, send them to the kitchen of Mrs. Eylton, and borrow them +from time to time, if in perfect accordance with that lady's +convenience. She would even borrow her neighbor's servants, and often at +very inconvenient times. Jane had often been sent for to take care of +the children; and the usual request came one afternoon that seemed to me +stamped with most remarkable events. + +We were in a kind of sitting-room on the ground-floor, and my father sat +writing at a small table near the window. A servant entered with the +announcement: "Mrs. Eylton, ma'am, wants to borrow Jane." + +An expression of vexation crossed my mother's countenance as she +remarked: "I do not know how I can possibly spare Jane this afternoon; +Mammy has gone out, and I do not feel inclined to attend to the children +myself." + +My father looked up from his writing as he observed: "Nor do I see the +necessity of your being troubled with them, Laura." + +"Not see the necessity!" exclaimed my mother, "How can I refuse the wife +of our minister? I would be willing to put up with some inconvenience +for Mr. Eylton's sake. Poor man! he has a hard time of it, with his +talents and refinement." + +"No doubt he has," said my father, pityingly; then, in a more merry +tone, he added: "But can you think of no other alternative, Laura, than +disobliging Mrs. Eylton, if you object to this juvenile infliction for a +whole long summer's afternoon?" + +My father was of a bolder, more determined character than my mother, and +had, withal, a spice of fun in his composition; and the expression of +his eyes now rendered her apprehensive of some sudden scheme that might +create a feeling of justifiable anger in Mrs. Eylton. + +"Dearest Arthur!" she exclaimed beseechingly, as she placed a soft hand +on his shoulder, "Do not, I beseech of you, put in execution any +outlandish plan respecting Mrs. Eylton!--Do let Jane go as usual; for +she is not one to understand a joke, I can assure you--she will be +offended by it." + +"And pray, madam," asked my father, with assumed gravity, "what has led +you to suppose that I intended making Mrs. Eylton the subject of a +joke? Away with you," he continued, with a mischievous look at those +pleading eyes, "Away with you, and let me do as I choose." + +Turning to the servant, he asked: "Mrs. Eylton has, I believe, requested +the loan of other articles besides our domestics--has she ever sent to +borrow any of the children?" + +"Indeed, and she has not, sir," replied the girl, with difficulty +repressing a laugh. + +"Well then," said he, "we will now send her both the article she +requested, and some articles which she did not request. Tell Jane to be +ready to go to Mrs. Eylton's with the children." + +"Yes sir," and the servant departed to execute her commission. + +"Arthur!" remonstrated my mother. + +"Not a word!" said my father gaily. "Children," he continued, "do you +wish to go? What says my madcap, Amy?" + +Madcap Amy, for once in her life, said nothing--being too much awed and +astonished to reply. To think that I should actually enter the house, +and be face to face with the formidable Mrs. Eylton? The idea was +appalling; and for sometime I sat biting my nails in thoughful silence. +It was so sudden, it had always appeared to me that a great deal must be +gone through with--a great many different degrees of intimacy +surmounted, before I should ever find myself within the house of Mrs. +Eylton; but here was I, without the least warning, to be transformed +from the bashful child, who made no sign of recognition save an awkward +courtesy, into the regular visitor--and for a whole afternoon! No wonder +I took so long to deliberate. Though not particularly remarkable for +bashfulness or timidity at home, and despite a character for violence +in, "fighting my own battles," to assert some infringed right, I +absolutely trembled at the idea of encountering strangers; and this +visit to Mrs. Eylton's appeared, to my excited mind, like thrusting +myself into the enemy's quarters. + +But then curiosity rose up in all its powers, to baffle my fear; I did +_so_ want to see how the house looked inside, and whether they really +had anything that was not borrowed! And then who knows, thought I, but +what Mrs. Eylton will show me the inside of some of her drawers? I dare +say she has a great many pretty things. There was nothing which gave me +greater delight than looking into other people's drawers, and turning +over those remnants of various things which are stored away in most +houses--in many for the mere love of hoarding. Mamma would sometimes +allow me to arrange certain little drawers containing jewelry, ribbons, +and odds and ends. But the charmed room in our house was one that was +always kept locked, and, from the circumstance of a green ribbon being +attached to the key, we called it "the green-ribbon room." + +Dear me! what a collection that room contained. There were several large +trunks that nearly covered the floor, besides boxes, and bags, and +bundles; and these were filled with cast-off clothes, silks, ribbons, +and bunches of artificial flowers and feathers. The room was not very +often opened; it was at the very top of the house, and lighted by a +large dormar-window; but as soon as mamma mounted the stairs, with the +key in her hand, the alarm was given: "Quick! mother is going to the +green-ribbon room!" and mamma's ears were immediately refreshed by the +sound of numerous little feet moving up stairs at locomotive speed, with +the ostensible purpose of assisting her in her researches--but in +reality, to be getting in her way, and begging for everything we saw. It +was, "Mamma, mayn't we have this?" or, "mayn't we have that?" or "Do say +yes, just this once; and we'll never ask you for anything again as long +as we live--never," a promise faithfully kept till next time. + +Mamma sometimes tried to go up very softly, in order to elude our +vigilance; but it wouldn't do. She often wondered how we found out that +that she was there, but we seldom missed an opportunity. Now and then a +dear little pitcher, or a vase of cream-colored ground with a wreath of +faint pink roses traced around it, or a cluster of bright-colored +flowers in the centre, arrested our attention, and called forth +rhapsodies of admiration. I supposed that everybody had just such a +room; and it was very probable, I thought, that Mrs. Eylton might chance +to open hers during our visit. Therefore I decided that, notwithstanding +my terror of the lady, a greater amount of pleasure might be obtained +by going there, than by staying at home. + +So Jane, with her own trim person as neat as possible, bore off her +charges to the nursery, in order, as she said, "to make us fit to be +seen." "Mrs. Eylton might see this," or "notice that," and I felt +uncomfortably convinced that Mrs. Eylton must possess the sharpest pair +of eyes it had ever been my misfortune to encounter. Finally, we set +off; I remember being dressed in a white frock, with a broad sash, and +experiencing a consciousness of looking remarkably well, in spite of my +hair--which, having obstinately repulsed all Jane's advances with tongs +and curl-papers, was suffered to remain in all its native straightness. + +It was summer, and a multiflora rose-vine, which extended over the front +of the parsonage, was then in full flower; while, as we mounted the +steps, I distinguished through the green blind door glimpses of a +pleasant-looking garden beyond. We entered the back parlor, where sat +Mrs. Eylton attired for a walk, and surrounded by three children, all +younger than myself. The minister's lady did not appear quite so +formidable on a close survey; though the aspect of her countenance was +by no means promising, as her eye fell upon us. + +"Well, Jane," she commenced, in the tone of one who felt herself +injured, "you have kept me waiting some time--how is this? Punctuality +is a virtue very becoming in a young person." + +Jane looked exceedingly disconcerted at this address; but at length she +replied, that "she could not get the children ready before." + +"_The children_!" repeated Mrs. Eylton; while, young as I was, I plainly +read in her countenance, "What possessed you to bring _them_ here?" + +"Yes ma'am," replied Jane, gathering more courage as she proceeded, +"Mrs. Chesbury sent them with me to spend the afternoon. She had no one +to attend to them at home." + +In the meantime I became aware, as I glanced around the room, that the +prospect for the afternoon promised very little amusement. Mrs. Eylton +soon after left us, telling Jane to be very careful that we got into no +mischief; and, with, a feeling of disappointment, I saw the door close +behind her. In my scenting of the apartment I became very much struck +with the appearance of a curious looking little work-stand, containing +three small drawers. Immediately my imagination was at work upon their +contents; and I determined, if possible, to satisfy my curiosity. Mrs. +Eylton had departed without making any provision for our amusement, and +I saw no reason why I should not examine the drawers--especially if I +handled things carefully, and put them all back again. Probably they +were in disorder, and then what a pleasant surprise it would be for Mrs. +Eylton to find them all neatly arranged on her return! + +Jane now proposed walking in the garden; and to avoid suspicion, I +joined the party for the present. There were a great many flower-beds, +very prettily laid out; and at the end of a wide path stood a pleasant +little summer-house, half-buried in vines. We established ourselves +there, from whence we could view the whole garden; and with a pretence +of looking again at the flowers, I soon made my escape, and returned to +the house. A wide glass-door opened from the back room into the garden, +and carefully closing this, I approached the table and attempted to open +the drawers. I tried the first one,--it was locked; the second,--and met +with no better success. Almost in despair, I placed my hands on the +third, and that finally yielded to my efforts. I beheld heterogeneous +rows of pins, papers of needles, &c., and was about to shut it in +disappointment, when my glance fell on a small box. Small, +mysterious-looking boxes always possessed a talismanic attraction in my +eyes; and the next moment I was busily at work examining the contents. +The round lid lifted, I found my gaze irresistibly fascinated by a +child's face, with fair, curling hair, and azure eyes. But the great +beauty lay in its expression; that was so calm, holy, and serene, that I +felt insensibly better as I gazed upon it. It was a peculiar face; and I +became so wrapt in its contemplation as to lose all hearing of what +passed around, until a step sounded close beside me. + +I looked up, and fairly trembled with terror and dismay. There stood +Mr. Eylton, gazing on me in surprise, as if quite at a loss what to make +of the circumstance; but as his eye fell upon the picture, I noticed +that an expression of sadness crossed his countenance. Not knowing what +to do with myself, and almost ready to sink through the floor with +shame, I stood with bowed head and burning cheeks, the very picture of +mortification. But there was no trace of anger in Mr. Eylton's tone, as, +kindly taking me by the hand, he drew me towards him and asked me my +name. I answered as well as I could; and still holding the picture, +remained in silent consternation. Mr. Eylton took it from my hand, and +sighed as he bent a deep, loving gaze upon the fair face. + +Prompted by a sudden impulse, I raised my eyes to his, as I enquired: +"Can you tell me where that little girl is now? I should _so_ like to +see her!" + +"In heaven, I trust," replied Mr. Eylton, while his voice slightly +faltered, and a tear stood in his eye. "She was my daughter, Amy--she +died some years ago, when very young." + +I felt almost ready to cry myself, when told that she was dead, and +gazed lingeringly upon the portrait as Mr. Eylton closed the box; and +placing it in the drawer, he returned to me again. + +"But, my dear child," said he suddenly, "Why did you open the drawer? Do +you not know that it was extremely improper?" + +"I did _so_ want to see what was in it!" was my rejoinder. + +Mr. Eylton seemed puzzled at first by this reply; but probably +perceiving that I had been too much left to myself, he proceeded to +explain, in clear and concise words, the nature and tendency of my +fault. "This curiosity, my dear child, is an improper state of feeling +which should not be indulged in. Suppose," continued he, "that on +looking into this drawer, you had perceived some article which you +immediately felt a great desire to possess; yielding to the temptation +of curiosity would thus lead to the sin of covetousness, and perhaps the +crime of theft might be also added. You would reason with yourself that +no one had seen you open the drawer, and forgetting the all-seeing Eye +which never slumbers, you might conclude that no one would know you took +the article which did not belong to you." + +The prospect of becoming a thief struck me with horror; and resolving +never again to meddle with other people's things, I begged Mr. Eylton to +forgive me, and entreated him not to inform Mrs. Eylton of my +misdemeanor. He smiled at the anxiety I displayed not to have it known; +and then taking a bunch of keys from a box, he proceeded to gratify my +curiosity with respect to the other drawers. These amply repaid an +investigation; containing numerous toys and trinkets of foreign +manufacture, among which were two or three small alabaster images. One +represented a beautiful greyhound in a reclining position; there was an +Italian image of the Virgin and Child; and some others which I have +almost forgotten. I was allowed to examine all these things at my +leisure; and when I departed, it was with a firm conviction that Mr. +Eylton was far more agreeable than his wife. + +Jane soon came in from the summer-house, after an unsuccessful search +for me through the garden, and was not a little surprised to find me +quietly established with Mr. Eylton. Towards sunset Mrs. Eylton +returned; and being graciously dismissed, we went home with the +impression that it had been altogether rather a curious visit. But the +afternoon dwelt in my memory like a golden gleam; and often I went over, +in imagination, that delightful investigation of Mrs. Eylton's drawers. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +We were generally besieged with visitors of all descriptions and +characters. My parents had one or two poor relations who made long stays +at every visit; and being generous, even to a fault, they loaded them +with presents at their departure, and invitations to come again. There +was one old lady, in particular, who engaged my fancy; she came to see +us quite often, and in the family went by the name of "Aunty Patton." +Aunty Patton was a widow, with very slender means; and boarded with a +married daughter, who had a large family of children, but very little to +support them on. Poor Aunty! she fared rather poorly at home, and did +_so_ seem to enjoy everything. She was particularly fond of fruit-cake; +and whenever she came, mamma took particular pains that this should be +one of the appliances of the tea-table. She possessed many wealthy +acquaintances and relations, and enjoyed visiting around among them very +much; praising everything that was set before her, and never +contradicting any one. It teemed impossible to put anything on the table +which she did not like; everything was "good," and "delightful," and +"just what she would have fancied." At length some cousin determined to +test her patience; and on one occasion, when the old lady happened to +dine there, the dishes, when uncovered, were found to contain nothing +but supaun and potatoes. + +"I am really sorry, Aunty Patton," began the hostess, "to be able to +offer you nothing better for dinner--but sometimes you know"-- + +"O," said Aunty, with rather a rueful look, "it'll _do_." + +Poor Aunty had that very day prepared herself for something uncommonly +nice in the way of dinner, and felt a little disappointed; but cousin +Emma soon restored her equanimity by a liberal display of fruit-cake and +other nice things, which presented themselves on opening the side-board +door. + +Aunty Patton had mild, winning kind of manners, and became a general +favorite in the nursery; probably on account of her always noticing us, +and pronouncing us "lovely little creatures." She appeared to me the +most heavenly-minded old lady I had ever seen; and I listened, with a +species of awe, to the long stories which she loved so dearly to relate +about everybody whom she visited. She was very short--not seeming to me +much taller than myself--and the cumbrous dress of the period was +calculated to make her appear much shorter. She would sit and relate +wonderful occurrences which seemed constantly taking place in her +daughter's family; one of the children would cut his foot, and for +sometime there would be danger of amputation--another urchin would upset +a kettle of scalding water on himself, and then he would be laid up for +sometime, while mamma turned the green-ribbon room topsy-turvy in her +searches after old linen--and once the daughter fell down stairs, and +was taken up for dead. They seemed to be an unfortunate family--always +meeting with hair-breadth escapes. Aunty Patton's reticule was always +well filled with good things on every occasion of her departure; and +very often a collection of money was added to the stock. + +Mamma sometimes endeavored to enlist our sympathies in benevolent +purposes. I remember, on one occasion, when I had been teasing sometime +for a new tortoise-shell comb to keep back my hair with, it suddenly +entered my head that it would be a well-disposed action to ask for some +money to give Aunty Patton. + +"Are you willing, Amy, to deny yourself anything," asked mamma, after I +had made my request, "in order that I may give this money to Aunty +Patton? It is no benevolence in you to ask me to give away money, unless +you are willing to do without something in consequence. If I give Aunty +Patton the five dollars that your comb will cost, are you willing to do +without it?" + +"Dear me," thought I, "being good is very expensive." I deliberated for +sometime, but finally answered, "No." My mother pressed the subject no +farther; but after a while I exclaimed with a comfortable feeling of +magnanimity; "Yes, dear mamma, you _may_ give Aunty Patton the five +dollars--and I'll get _papa_ to buy me the comb!" + +Mammy was a great judge of character, and when she once made up her mind +not to like a person, it was very difficult to make her change her +sentiments. My father once brought in a travelling clergyman, who +represented himself as very devout and unfortunate; and we all made +great efforts to entertain him. He was travelling West, he said, and +endeavoring to collect on the road sufficient money to pay his expenses. +My father invited him to remain with us a month; and he seemed very much +to enjoy the good things so liberally showered upon him--contriving at +the same time to render himself so agreeable that he quite won our +hearts. Mammy alone remained proof against his insinuations; he paid +assiduous court to her, and did his best to remove this unfavorable +impression, but the old nurse remained immovable. + +He once asked her for the key to the fruit-garden, when my parents were +both out; but Mammy stedfastly refused him. "She had orders," she said, +"not to let the key go out of her possession, and she didn't intend to +now." The wandering clergyman departed quite enraged; and reported +proceedings as soon as my father returned. He was very much displeased +at Mammy's obstinacy, and spoke quite warmly on the subject; but the old +nurse replied that "she didn't know but he might make off with half the +fruit in the garden--she didn't like the man's looks at any rate." + +I had then in my possession a little morocco pocket-book, a treasured +article, which I valued above all my other worldly goods. Sometime +before Christmas, I had observed it in a a shop-window with passionate +admiration; and on my return home, I threw out various hints and +inuendoes--scarcely hoping that they would be attended to. They were, +however; for on examining my stocking on the eventful morning, the +long-coveted pocket-book was found sticking in the toe--and what was +still better, well supplied with contents. I was in ecstasy for +sometime after; but wishing to do something to signalize myself, I now +placed it in the hands of the Rev. Mr. Motley for safe keeping. + +"Mark my words," said Mammy prophetically, "you'll never see a sign of +that pocket-book again." + +Alas! her words were but too true; circumstances came to light not very +favorable to the character of our visitor; and that very night the Rev. +Mr. Motley secretly decamped--mentioning in a note left behind, that +unlooked-for events had hastened his departure. My little pocket-book +accompanied him, as he quite forgot to return it; and Mammy's triumph +was almost as provoking as the loss. She had, however, with +characteristic caution, abstracted whatever money it contained; and the +reflection that the reverend gentleman had not gained much, gave her +considerable pleasure. The lesson taught me not to trust strangers again +too readily, and my father imbibed somewhat of a prejudice against +travelling clergymen in distress. Rev. Mr. Motley was never again heard +of. + +We once had a visit from a Captain Vardell, an acquaintance of my +father's, who had married a Spanish woman. This Captain had spent much +of his time at sea; roving about from place to place, until at length he +settled down for some years in Spain. He had no relations in America, +and but little money, so that of course my father's house, the usual +refuge of the needy and distressed, was at once his destination. He +appeared to us an indolent, good-natured kind of a man, and his wife +resembled him in the former quality, though quite deficient in the +latter. She could not speak a word of English, and would scold and rail +at her husband in Spanish for hours together. We did not understand what +she said, but we knew, by the flashing of those great black eyes and her +animated gestures, that her words were not words of love. She was a +large woman, with straight, black hair, that seemed to be always hanging +about her face, and rather handsome features. She spent most of her time +in playing jackstraws with us, or else lounging on the sofa; muttering +in rapid succession the words of a small prayer-book, which Captain +Vardell told us she always carried about her, as it had been consecrated +and given to her by a Spanish priest. She appeared to us very much like +a great overgrown baby; manifesting the most childish delight on winning +a game, and equally angry when defeated. Once, when in extreme +good-humor, she shewed us how to make beads resembling coral, from a +certain paste which she manufactured; but we never could extract from +her the names of the materials, and were obliged to content ourselves +with making them under her direction. + +Mrs. Vardell was so extremely lazy that she would never stoop to pick up +anything she had dropped. If her handkerchief or prayer-book fell to the +floor, she made motions for us to bring them to her; and when we +sometimes mischievously pretended not to understand these signs, she +would let the article remain until some one restored it to her. She +never seemed to experience the least emotion of gratitude, and received +all favors as a natural right. She was an extremely troublesome, +exacting visitor, and we were not at all sorry when the time of her +departure arrived. + +My father had exerted himself on their behalf, and at the end of their +visit handed Captain Vardell a handsome sum of money, collected from +among his merchant friends and acquaintances. People were much more +liberal then than now, and the case of the Vardells did not fail to call +forth their sympathy and generosity. The Spanish lady made her adieus, +if so they could be called, with an easy indifference--apparently +considering her fellow-mortals as machines invented for her sole use and +benefit. Captain Vardell presented us children with a handsome +collection of shells, picked up on foreign shores during his numerous +voyages; and some of them were very rare and beautiful. Most of them had +a delicate pink tinge, like the outer leaves of a just-blown rose; and +we amused ourselves fur a long time by arranging them in a glass-case +which my father gave us for the purpose. + +Among our visitors was an aunt of my mother's who lived in Waterford, +Connecticut; and being a widow, with quite a large farm to attend to, +her visits were never of long duration. I became very much attached to +her, for she often entertained us with long stories about the Revolution +and the aggressions of the British soldiers--about which you shall hear +when I come to tell you of the long visit I made there one summer. Aunt +Henshaw was very proud of her farm and farming operations; her cattle +and vegetables had several times won the prize at agricultural fairs, +and she boasted that her land produced more than any of her neighbors'; +who, being men, were of course expected to be more accomplished in such +matters. She appeared to delight in giving away things, and seldom made +us a visit without bringing something of her own raising. These little +presents my father always repaid tenfold; and Aunt Henshaw departed +without a new gown or hat, or something to show when she got home. I +believe that we generally anticipated more pleasure from her visits than +from any of the numerous friends who often favored us with +their company. + +But Aunt Henshaw, I must confess, won my heart less by her own +individual merits than a present she once made me, which actually +appeared to me like a windfall from the skies. I was always +inordinately fond of reading, and my predelictions for fairy tales +amounted to an actual passion. When Mammy and Jane's ingenuity had been +exhausted in framing instances of the marvellous for my special +gratification, I would often fold my hands before my face, to shut out +all actual scenes, and thus sit and dream of wonderful adventures with +fairies, witches, and enchanted princesses. I was always happier in a +reverie than in the company of others--my own ideals I could make as I +chose--the real I must take as I found it. Castle-building is a pleasant +but dangerous occupation; had I not been so much of an enthusiast, a +day-dreamer, it would have been better for my happiness. + +But to return to Aunt Henshaw and her present. Some school-mate one day +told me of the varied wonders contained in the "Arabian Kights." My +imagination, always excitable, became worked up to a high pitch by tales +of diamond caverns, flying horses, and mysterious Baloons under ground. +If I went to sleep, it was to dream of gardens more beautiful than +Paradise itself--of cooling fountains springing up at every step--of +all sorts of impossible fruits growing just where you wanted them--and +lamps and songs that gratified every wish. At length I could bear these +tantalizing visions of unattainable pleasure no longer; I put on my +bonnet and determined to go the whole rounds of the village until I met +with some success. People wondered what ailed me that afternoon; I +bolted directly into a room--asked if they had the Arabian Nights--and, +on being answered in the negative, went out as expeditiously as I had +gone in, and tried another acquaintance. I was not easily daunted, and +took each one in succession, but all to no purpose; I returned home, +fairly sick with disappointment, and hope delayed. + +The very next day Aunt Henshaw came down on a visit; and placing in my +hands an old-looking, leather-covered book, observed, "I happened to +come across this stowed away in an old chest, Amy, and knowing your +fondness for fairy tales, I have brought it for you to read." + +I scarcely heard what she said; I had glanced at the book, and on +seeing "Arabian Nights" traced in large gilt letters, the ground seemed +swimming before me, and I could scarcely contain my senses. Seizing the +beloved book, I made my escape as quickly as possible; and mounting up +to the cupola, a tiny room with glass sides, that commanded a view of +the country round, I effectually secured myself against interruption, +and soon became fascinated out of all remembrance. The day waned into +evening--the shadows deepened around--I remember fixing my eyes on a +brilliant star that seemed to come closer and closer, until it assumed a +strangely beautiful form, and I lost all consciousness. + +In the meantime a strict search for me had been going on below. They +began to be alarmed at my continued absence; and after examining every +room, the garden, and every spot on the premises, they sent around the +neighborhood. I was known to be extremely fond of visiting, and every +acquaintance was interrogated in turn--of course, without success. No +one had thought of the cupola, and mamma was getting fairly frightened; +when Mammy took a light, and on ascending to my dormitory, discovered me +fast asleep, with the book tightly clasped to my bosom. + +It afterwards yielded the boys as much delight as it had me; Fred, in +particular, had a notion of trying experiments upon the plan there laid +out. He had sat one afternoon for sometime with the book in his +hands--apparently resolving some problem in his own mind; Mammy was +stooping over the nursery fire, when she was suddenly startled by an +unexpected shower of water sprinkled over her head and neck--Fred at the +same time exclaiming, in a tone that seemed to doubt not: "I command you +instantly to turn into a coal black mare!" + +"I don't know what would become of you, you good-for-naught, if I did!" +returned Mammy. + +Some years later I read "The Children of the Abbey," and this opened a +new field of thought. My dreams, instead of being peopled with fairies +and genii, were now filled with distressed damsels who met with all +sorts of persecutions and Quixotic adventures, and finally ended where +they should have commenced. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +I had a boy-lover who always selected me as his partner in all our +plays, and kept me in pointers with blue ribbons attached to them, to +point out the towns on the large map in the school-room. Charles Tracy +was about my own age, but in disposition and taste he resembled my +brother Henry, and the two were quite inseparable; while his sister +Ellen and I formed an acquaintance through the fence by displaying our +dolls to each other--and this was the beginning of an intimacy that +lasted a long time for children's friendships. + +Ellen possessed a charm which often caused me to experience the +uncomfortable sensation of envy; her hair fell in long, golden-colored +ringlets upon her neck and shoulders, and these same curls seemed to +shake about so nicely whenever she moved her head. I sometimes thought +that Ellen shook them about much more than was absolutely necessary; but +at the same time they excited my warmest admiration. I felt as though I +could do anything--go through with all sorts of difficulties to have my +hair curl naturally; and with a feeling of unspeakable rapture I +listened to Ellen one day as she told me in a mysterious whisper that +the nurse had said eating crusts made her hair curl. + +_Eating crusts!_ What a discovery!--I immediately felt ready to eat all +the crusts in our house and every one else's. I bribed the children to +deliver up all their crusts to me, and commenced eating them with a +voracity that excited the surprise of all the nursery inmates. But +already, in perspective, I beheld my head adorned with long, glossy +curls, and I persevered, despite the laughter I excited. I devoured +crusts by the wholesale, but alas! no waving locks rewarded my patient +toil; and at length I had the pleasure of hearing that the crust +business was a fable, invented by Ellen's nurse to induce that young +lady to finish her odds and ends of bread, which she was very much +disposed to scatter about the nursery. It was cruel, after being +elevated to such a pinnacle of happiness, to find my hopes thus rudely +dashed to the ground; and my hair seemed straighter than ever, from +contrast with what I had expected it to be. Ellen was prevented from +wasting her crusts, and so far it was well; but the nurse lost by her +falsehood whatever respect I may have had for her--a loss which she +perhaps did not regard as such, or indeed trouble herself at all +about--but even a child's good opinion is something. + +I was very much inclined to be fleshy--too much so, I thought, for +beauty of figure; and this was another great annoyance. People in +speaking of us, always used to say: "What fine large children!" until I +hated the very sound of it, and wished most earnestly for Ellen's light, +fairy-like figure. I once resolved to starve myself into growing thin; +and, to Mammy's great surprise, refused to taste the dinner she handed +me, and resolutely persisted in going to bed without my supper. Mammy, +good old soul! watched me narrowly, not having been let into the secret +of my laudable resolve; and while she supposed that I had fallen into a +restless slumber, I was in reality tossing about on my trundle bed, +suffering the tantalizing pains of hunger. I remonstrated with myself in +vain; heard all the _pros_ and _cons_ on both sides in this perplexing +case of vanity _vs._ appetite, and finally resolved to satisfy my +hunger, cost what it would. + +But how to do this was the next question. Enticing slices of bread and +butter kept dancing before my eyes; and at length, when I heard the +snore which announced Mammy's departure to the land of dreams, I rose as +quietly as possible, and descended on a foraging expedition to the +pantry. How very nice everything did look! I stood for a moment feasting +my eyes with the sight, but oh, ill-timed delay! I had not tasted a +single morsel, when a low whisper fell upon my ear, and on turning, I +beheld Mammy gazing on me rather fearfully, while at her elbow stood +Jane in night-gown and cap, who was violently rubbing her eyes in order +to clear away the fancied mist, and thus convince herself that it was +really the veritable _me_ who was about to perform such an +unheroine-like part. + +This discovery seemed to me exactly like those tantalizing dreams in +which you are sitting down at a table covered with everything nice, but +before you have time to taste anything your visions are rudely +dispelled, and you wake and look in vain for the tempting paraphernalia. +I once bore this in mind after being several times teased in this +manner; and resolving not to be so deceived again, I succeeded in +regaling myself with a mince-pie--which appeared to me quite in the +light of a triumph. I now cast about me for some means to escape from +this disagreeable dilemma; and having heard Mammy whisper to Jane: "How +very wild she looks!" I found that they supposed me to be walking in my +sleep, a practice to which I was somewhat addicted; and not seeing why +sleep-walkers should not direct their course to the cupboard as well as +anywhere else, I boldly seized a loaf and commenced an attack upon it. + +"Let us wait and see what she will do," whispered Mammy. + +"It is very evident what she will do, now that she has the loaf in her +hands," replied Jane in a sleepy tone. "I do not believe that she is +asleep at all, but just as wide awake as we are. I have read a story +somewhere," she continued, "of a French girl who succeeded in persuading +people that she lived without eating; but at last some one watched the +girl closely, and one night discovered her at the pantry, regaling +herself with cold chicken sufficiently to go without eating for a week. +Now, Miss Amy has eaten neither dinner nor supper, and she may be +imitating the French girl, in order to be made a fuss with. I will speak +to her and see." + +"Not for the world!" exclaimed Mammy in terror, as she grasped the more +enterprising Jane. "Do not touch her--for I have heard of its killing +people to be awakened suddenly while in this state." + +Jane obeyed, although her face still wore an incredulous expression; and +I continued eating, looking as wild as possible all the time. The +nursery-maid began at length to fear that I would put an end to my own +life, if not spoken to; but Mammy still objected--murmuring as she +watched my voracious performances; "Poor child! how hungry she must have +been to come down and eat in her sleep! I wonder why she refused her +tea?" + +After a while, however, I became more sleepy than hungry; and Mammy and +Jane kindly conveyed me back to my little bed, where I slept soundly +till morning. I was not destined to reap much glory from this +escapade--not even the glory of being a sleep-walker; for Jane, looking +me steadily in the face, said: "Now, Miss Amy, I wish you to tell me +truly whether you were asleep last night, when you went down into the +pantry and devoured almost a whole loaf of bread! Now be a good girl, +and tell the truth, for you frightened us very much." + +At first I pretended stupidity, and inquired, "what pantry?" and "what +bread?" but Jane soon discovered that I knew very well; and while she +looked at me so searchingly I could not possibly frame a plausible +story--so, from sheer necessity, I told the whole truth, "and nothing +but the truth." My curious attempt at getting thin excited great +amusement; but Mammy told me that she knew of a better way than that, +which was to run up and down stairs as much as possible. I followed her +advice until I became tired of it; and during that period I was +universally acknowledged to be the most obliging child in the house, for +I was quite indefatigable in running on other people's errands. I became +discouraged, though, when I found that I remained as fat as ever; and +began tasking my brain for some other expedient. + +I had gone to Ellen Tracy's to enjoy a holiday; and, quite mad with +spirits, we roamed hither and thither, scarcely knowing what to do with +ourselves. At length Ellen proposed that we should go to "the boys' +room," and go we accordingly did. We would have recognized it as the +sanctum of two or three noisy urchins of the male gender, even had we +not known it beforehand. On the dressing-table stood a top, half-a-dozen +marbles, and a fishing-line; while the walls displayed various quaint +devices of their own drawing. There was a something which, Ellen +informed us, was intended for a ghost; but if so, he had a most undue +proportion of flesh on his bones, and looked far more like a giant. We +concluded to equip ourselves in male attire, for the sake of +variety--being heartily tired of frocks and petticoats; and Ellen's +pretty curls having been tucked up under a round cap, she looked so +fascinating that I felt quite ambitious to rival her--but in attempting +to draw on one of Charles' jackets, I found that it would not meet round +my waist. Oh, mortification unspeakable! to find myself larger around +the waist than a boy a whole year my senior! I could scarcely refrain +from bursting into tears; forgetting that I belonged to the dumpling +order, while Charles was as slender and straight as a young birch tree. +My pleasure for that day was gone; in vain Ellen displayed her whole +stock of worldly possessions to tempt my admiration. I scarcely bestowed +a look on anything, and returned home perfectly miserable. + +For days I kept my ears wide open in hopes of catching something that +might relieve my distress, and at length I met with some success. I +overheard a visitor telling my mother of some young lady, whose figure +they had been admiring, that she was nothing at all without her +corsets--a complete dumpling; and then followed a long digression on the +impropriety of imposing upon the public in this manner; but for that I +did not care--I determined to impose upon them too, as soon as I got a +chance. Soon after, a school-mate encased me in a remarkably tight pair, +during an afternoon's visit; and having, as she said, 'made me look +quite genteel,' I departed for home with the delightful consciousness of +being 'something of a figure.' Before bed-time I had a romp in the +garden with my wild brother and Charles Tracy; I experienced a feeling +of suffocation, while running through the paths, that became quite +insupportable. + +"Why Amy!" exclaimed Charles as he grasped my arm, "What _is_ the +matter? you look quite black in the face!" They all gathered around me, +but unable to speak, I sank back into Charles Tracy's arms, and lost +all consciousness. + +When I recovered, I found myself lying on my own little bed, with my +mother bending fondly over me--the cause of all this trouble on a chair +at my side--and Mammy, dear, good Mammy! regarding me with a puzzled +look of surprise. + +"Why, she actually fainted!" whispered Jane, "just dead away, like any +grown person!" + +"No," replied Mammy, "the child was dreadfully squeezed, and that took +away her breath. She'll kill herself next, with some of her capers!" + +Mamma now made a sign for them to be quiet, and stooping down close to +my face, asked me how I felt. I tried to answer, "better;" but the words +almost choked me, and I still experienced a difficulty in breathing. The +evil consequences of this attempt at the graceful were but temporary, +however; and the next morning, as I sat up quite recovered, a discussion +took place between mamma and the old nurse on the propriety of +equipping me at once in corsets to improve my figure. I soon experienced +the delight of possessing a pair of my own; on which memorable occasion, +I resolved that, like the old woman, I would "neither borrow nor lend;" +but the present was conditional--on the first instance of my lacing too +tight it was to be taken from me. I took care that this should never +happen--that is, to such a degree as to expose myself to punishment; but +in many a scene of enjoyment did I suffer the consequences of my foolish +vanity. Often while music, and dancing, and everything contributed to +render a children's party delightful, I sat apart in a corner, or else +went languidly through the figures of the dance, while every nerve +throbbed with acute pain. + +Ellen and I had for sometime noticed that Charles and Henry were more +together than ever. They seldom associated with us now, or asked us to +join them; Henry proved faithless with respect to a table he had +promised my doll, and Charles refused, for the present, to dig his +sister's garden spot; therefore we put our two wise heads together and +concluded that this must mean something. The moment school was out, the +cap was hastily snatched from its nail in the entry, and they both +sallied forth together--where, or for what purpose, we tried in vain to +discover. On Saturdays they were constantly at work in the barn, +hammering, and cutting, and shaving; and one day we detected them +making, over a fire which they had built on bricks in the open air, +something which smelt very much like molasses candy. But upon Ellen's +venturing to communicate this to Charles, he answered contemptuously +that "it was just like girls!--always fancying that everything was +something eatable!" + +The two made a journey to town together, and came back laden with sundry +parcels; and notwithstanding all this business, Henry found time to be +very industrious in weeding the flower-beds, for which my father paid +him so much an hour--and I noticed that he was uncommonly punctual in +presenting his bills. Without being very penetrating, we discovered +that the scheme, whatever it might be, was one that required a great +deal of time, a great deal of shopping, and a great deal of money. We +racked our brains in vain, and not a single mite of information could we +extract from the boys; indeed, we might just as well have attacked two +pine boards, for they pretended to be deaf as soon as we commenced our +inquiries. Ellen began to be afraid that they meditated living on some +wild island, like Robinson Crusoe, for she had seen Charles privately +appropriate a hatchet, and a ball of twine; and I inclined to the +opinion that they were both going to sea, and represented to Ellen how +delightful it would be to have them making voyages and bringing us +shells, and corals, and all sorts of curious things. But I was the +greatest philosopher of the two, for my more timid playmate cried +bitterly at the idea; and it was sometime before I could succeed in +pacifying her. + +We one day discovered the boys in an old barn on the premises; and +waiting patiently near by until we saw them depart on some errand to the +house, we perceived, to our great joy that the door was unfastened; and +effecting a hasty entrance, we expected to be almost as well rewarded +for our trouble as was Blue-beard's wife on entering the forbidden +chamber. But nothing could we see except a few old boxes turned upside +down, and along one side a neat row of shelves. We perceived indeed that +the small window now contained four panes of glass, and we also +discovered two or three little shelves there. But here our discoveries +ended; there was nothing to account for all the labor and privacy that +had been going on for the last two or three weeks,--and quite in +despair, we returned to the house before the boys discovered our prying. + +Things continued in this state for sometime longer; and finding that all +our efforts at discovery were not rewarded with the slightest success, +we assumed an appearance of proud indifference, and pretended to be as +much occupied with our dolls and baby-houses as they were with their +barn. Now and then one of the boys, in the tantalizing spirit of +mischief, would thrust a parcel under our very eyes, exclaiming at the +same time: "Wouldn't you like to see the inside, though? Confess, now, +that you would give your very ears to know what's in it!" + +"Indeed, and we would not!" in great indignation, "not we! We supposed +that it was some boys' nonsense not worth talking about, and were quite +occupied with our own affairs, without troubling ourselves about them." + +In a tone that sounded very much as though he were in earnest, Charles +would continue: "Suppose, Henry, that we let them know what it is, if +they promise not to tell--shall we?" + +"By no means," Henry would reply, with the air of a Socrates, "Women can +never keep a secret--I have heard my father say so." + +"We were sure we didn't want to hear their secrets!" and indignantly +clipping away with our scissors, we turned a deaf ear to all further +remarks. However, the secret did come to light after a while, and in a +most unexpected manner. + +We had just received a liberal allowance of pocket-money, and while +Ellen and I deliberated on the various ways in which it might be spent +to advantage, Henry asked us, with a perfectly grave face, if we had +heard of the new store lately opened near us? _New_ store! Why there had +never been any store at all, except the little stand kept by old Betty +Tweednor, and now Henry spoke of the new store as though such a thing +had ever existed. Certainly we had not heard of it; but resolving to +remain no longer in ignorance, we seized our bonnets, and were ready to +start in a moment. Henry looked very knowing and mysterious; but +following his guidance, we soon found ourselves at the barn which had +before excited our curiosity. Why, it had been turned into a regular +shop! Rows of candies, better known among children as "barber's-poles," +looked imposingly out of the window, and these were flanked by piles of +pea-nuts, apples, &c. But all these would have been nothing without that +delight of childhood--taffy-candy; and upon a further investigation, we +discovered a very ingenious pair of clam-shell scales, with holes bored +for strings to pass through, and suspended from a stout stick which was +kept in its place by being fastened to an upright piece of wood at each +end--the whole resting upon a very complete counter formed of old +boxes. It looked exactly like a real store; and behind the counter stood +Charles, as demure as possible,--while crowds of our schoolmates gazed, +admired, and wondered. + +A sign near the door informed passers that "the proprietors, grateful +for past favors and the patronage of a liberal public, would continue +the business under the firm of Chesbury and Tracy." It would be a +somewhat difficult task, we thought, to discover the favors and +patronage alluded to; but the young merchants had concluded that this +clause gave a dignity and air of reality to the whole. We experienced +the pleasure of making purchases, weighed out to us from the much +admired clam-shell scales, and were very particular in exacting full +weight. Each sale was recorded in a small account book; and long after +we had grown to the years of discretion, our mirth was excited by +accidentally meeting with this juvenile record. So many purchases were +made that afternoon, that the young storekeepers perceived with dismay +the very visible decrease in their supplies. We accused them of +retrenching considerably in their quantities, on this discovery, and +thought that they were too inexperienced for so weighty an office. + +Ellen and I often added to their stores by little pies and cakes which +we manufactured at home; and in process of time their articles embraced +such a variety that the shop became quite celebrated. Even mamma would +sometimes come to make purchases; and the boy-merchants found their +scheme a very profitable one. But alas! it vanished with the last summer +breath; the early snows surrounded their little store, and all access +became inconvenient. So they had a sale at prime cost--and we then +obtained most wonderful bargains in the confectionary line. Finding +himself quite wealthy now, Charles could well afford to be generous; and +presented me with a new doll, and his sister Ellen with a miniature set +of cups and saucers, over which we had many happy tea-drinkings. We +received no presents from Henry, and heard nothing of his money; and it +was not till some time after, and then through another source, that we +learned that his portion had materially helped to keep a poor woman +from freezing during the winter. My father often remarked of Henry, that +"he was too generous and self-forgetful ever to be rich;" but there is +no doubt that such have their reward--in their own consciences at least. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +The winter wore rapidly away with sleigh-riding, snow-balling, and our +usual parties; and spring, lovely spring! again made its appearance. Our +flower-garden looked its very loveliest at this season; for it boasted +countless stores of hyacinths, tulips, daffodils, blue-bells, violets, +crocuses, &c. I remember so well when we first noticed the little green +sprouts shooting up in spots from which the snow had melted; and on +making this discovery, we always danced into the house and shouted out: +"Spring has come!" It gladdened our very hearts to find the first little +violet that dared to show its head above the ground; and then we ran to +the peach-trees to look at the delicate pink buds that shot forth so +curiously without any leaves. There was a warm sweet breath abroad upon +the air that tossed our hair about, and fanned our flushed cheeks, and +we knew that it was spring, sweet spring! that had come again to us. Oh, +how delightful it was when, escaped from all watchful eyes, I could +throw aside the troublesome sun-bonnet, that so obstructed my sight, and +dig and delve at pleasure! Never in all my life have I been so happy as +in these delightful spring days, when I roved about the paths with a +heart full of happiness, and a sensation of thankfulness for the +blessings I enjoyed. + +Two circumstances contributed materially to immortalize this particular +spring in my recollections: I then completed my tenth year, which I +thought left me on the very threshold of womanhood, and we had two pet +squirrels, who inhabited the locust trees in front of the house, with a +tin cage to retire to at night--one of whom we called "blackey," and the +other "browney," from their different colors. + +"Blackey" was extremely mischievous, and rarely could be caught; but +"browney" seemed a perfect paragon of gentleness and goodness--and I +would seat myself on the steps, holding him for hours, and listening to +the monotonous hum of the locusts, which always filled my heart with a +sense of quiet happiness. Did you never sit watching the glorious +sunbeams, as they fell on the soft, fresh grass, and with this low, +soothing hum in your ears, feel that the earth was very beautiful? I +have; but then I was a dreamer--an unmistakable, enthusiastic dreamer, +and my fancies would, perhaps, be laughed at by the wise ones of earth. + +To return to "browney;" my love cooled for him very suddenly one +morning, as, with my finger in close proximity to his mouth, I sat and +apostrophized him thus, "You dear, little angel, you! I love you +dearly!" a sudden closing of sharp little teeth on my poor fingers put +an end to my rhapsodies; and the "little angel" was most unceremoniously +dropped on the ground, from whence he made his escape to his usual home, +the locust tree--and I never again sought to entice him from his +retreat. I ran about the walks as usual this spring, but it was with +languor and indifference that I visited our usual haunts; and I +wondered what it was that made my steps so very slow and dragging--it +seemed as though a weight were tied on each heel. If I attempted a race +with the boys, I was obliged to give up from very weariness; and +laughing at what they termed my laziness, they pursued their amusements +without me. Charles Tracy would now and then bring me a bunch of wild +flowers; and to the surprise of all, I preferred sitting with them in my +hands to joining in my usual noisy games. I grew pale and thin; and +Mammy and Jane began to express their uneasiness about me, while I often +noticed my mother's eyes fixed upon me in tender solicitude. + +I went to bed one night feeling restless and feverish. It was the latter +part of April, and a small wood-fire still burned on the hearth; on the +embers of which I fixed my eyes steadfastly, until strange shapes and +burning eyes seemed moving about the quiet hearth. I was quite alone; +Mammy had gone out to spend the evening, and Jane was taking her tea in +the kitchen. Had it been for life or death I could not have spoken; I +tried to scream--but a hollow sound rattled in my ears--and with the +cold drops gathering on my forehead, I lay still, subdued, in a state of +delirious agony. I was almost senseless; until at length, feeling a +touch upon my arm, and a breathing at my side, I started wildly up, and +eluding all pursuit, fled swiftly down the stair-case. I pressed my hand +tightly on my throbbing head, and gaining the kitchen, burst suddenly +in, exclaiming, "O! Jane! Jane! do not leave me again!" I sunk down +insensible; and remember nothing but a scream of horror which proceeded +from Jane, who, having just seated herself beside me as I sprang out of +bed, had followed me in a state of breathless alarm to the kitchen. + +When I again opened my eyes, it was about midnight. I had been conveyed +to my mother's room, and now experienced the delightful sensation of +finding myself in a high bed, with curtains; while my head was raised up +with pillows to an unusual height. In turning myself to obtain a better +view of the surrounding scenery, I became conscious of a stiffness in my +right arm; and fairly shuddered with horror on perceiving a basin of +blood close to my bedside. But worse and worse! a few paces further off +stood a grave-looking man, whom, from his very air, I knew to be a +doctor. Nay, had I been at all doubtful on this point, the addition of a +pair of spectacles would have convinced me at once--as this is an +ornament especially pertaining to M. D.'s. I had always hated, loathed, +dreaded a doctor as I would a nauseous object; and I now trembled to +find myself in his power--fearing that he read my dislike in my face. +Spectacles, too, disconcerted me; the glimmer of the polished glass +seems to add new fire to the eyes beneath; and I now beheld a pair, eyes +and all, levelled directly upon me. I shuddered at the very idea of a +doctor, and could never sit still in the room with one; and now there +stood that horrid man, evidently regarding me as his victim, while I +felt too weak and sick to make the least resistance. + +My aversion probably arose from the circumstance of once having had a +loose front tooth pulled out--one that was just ready to jump out +itself; which operation, I felt convinced, had left my system in a very +shattered state. Often since did I torture myself for hours by mounting +up on a table before the glass, and with a string tied around a loosened +tooth, give it a little cowardly pull at intervals--lacking sufficient +courage to rid myself of my trouble at once. I have sometimes sat in +this interesting position for a whole morning; and should probably have +continued it through the afternoon had not Fred, or Henry, perceiving my +employment, come slyly behind me and caused me to start suddenly, which +always dislodged the troublesome tooth. + +My eyes rested a moment on the doctor, and then glanced off to seek some +more agreeable object, and having found mamma, she seemed like a lovely +angel in comparison with the ogre who, I felt convinced, only waited his +opportunity to put an end to my life. Mamma came close to me, and +observing my gaze still bent upon the basin, she whispered softly: "Do +not look so frightened, Amy, you have only been bled--that is all, +believe me." + +_All_! After this announcement I wondered that I breathed at all; and +had I not been too weak should certainly have cried over the thoughts +of the pain I must have suffered in my insensibility. I made no reply, +but leaned my head droopingly upon the pillow; and Dr. Irwin, taking my +hand, observed: "She is very weak, and we may expect delirium before +morning." + +His first assertion received the lie direct in the strength with which I +pushed him off, as I would the touch of a viper; and clinging to mamma, +I cried: "Take him away, dear mother! Take him away!--Do not let him +come near us!" + +"What?" exclaimed the doctor good-humoredly, "are you afraid of me, my +little lady? Do I look so very frightful?" + +I was quite surprised at his pleasant tone, and on a nearer survey of +his features, felt my passion considerably cooled; but those odious +spectacles spoiled all. I remember soon after being raised up, while +some one held a cup to my lips, but whether the draught were good or bad +I was unable to determine. Dr. Irwin now took my mother aside, and +whispered something in a low tone, as he placed a small packet in her +hands. I heard my mother say: "I am afraid she will never take it, +doctor," to which he replied: "But she _must_ take it, madam--we cannot +consider a child's humors in the scale with her life." I now felt +assured that some nauseous compound was being prepared for me; which I +firmly resolved to fling in the doctor's face, should he dare to +approach me with it. I was a perfect fury when roused; and this fancied +cruelty excited my strongest passions. + +But Dr. Irwin wisely took himself off; and the next morning poor mamma +received half the mixture on her dress, while the other half found a +resting place on the floor--a few drops only having slipped down my +throat; while one of the servants heard my screams at the end of the +village, and the next door neighbor, prompted by humanity, sent to +inquire the name of the murdered party. The next dose was more +successful; mamma having spread out before my eyes all her possessions +which she thought likely to tempt me, I received permission to make a +choice, on condition of swallowing a spoonful of calomel jalap. I +further displayed my gentleness by biting Dr. Irwin's fingers when he +attempted to look at my throat, and the good man evidently regarded me +as a pretty refractory patient. + +I always had a great horror of being sick--that is, a real, regular fit +of sickness, where you are perched up in bed, and have to do as other +people please, and have only just what covering they please--when you +are not suffered to put an arm out, or toss off a quilt that almost +smothers you, or drink a drop of cold water. Once in a while, I thought, +to be just sufficiently sick to sit in the easy chair and look over +mother's pretty things, or daub with her color-box, while people brought +me oranges and waited upon me, did very well. I was not a gentle, timid, +feminine sort of a child, as I have said before--one who would faint at +the prick of a pin, or weep showers of tears for a slight headache; I +was a complete little hoyden, full of life and spirits, to whom the idea +of being in bed in the day-time was extremely disagreeable--and when I +had been "awful," according to the nursery phraseology, the greatest +punishment that could be inflicted upon me was to send me thither to +enjoy the charms of solitude. I was a female edition of my brother +Fred; not quite so prone to tricks and mischief, perhaps--but almost as +wild and unmanageable. + +Now and then Fred would come down in the morning pale, sick, and +subdued-looking; his head tightly bound with a handkerchief, and his +whole countenance expressive of suffering. A sick headache was the only +thing that could tame him; and a smile of ineffable relief sat on the +faces of the others as they glanced at his woe-begone visage. He was as +secure for that day as though chained hand and foot. My quiet hours were +when some fascinating book engrossed my whole attention; I drank in each +word, and could neither see nor hear anything around. + +But here I was, really sick and quiet, ill in bed for a whole +month--day-time and all; and oh! the nauseous doses that somehow slipped +down my unwilling throat! Sometimes I would lie and watch the others +moving around and doing as they chose, and then, feeling galled by my +own sense of dependence and inefficiency, the warm blood would glow +quickly as before, and springing hastily up, I determined to throw off +this weary feeling of lassitude. But it was of no use; all I could do +was to sink back exhausted, and "bide my time." + +When the first stage of my illness was passed, poor mamma, completely +worn out, would often leave me to the care of Mammy or Jane; with +numerous directions to see that I took whatever had been left for me by +Doctor Irwin. I always liked to have Jane with me, for I _loved_ her; +and the medicine never seemed to taste so bad when she gave it to me. +She had various ways of smoothing this disagreeable duty; and one night +when I had been rather obstreperous, she cut a pill in two and took +half, by way of keeping me company; saying as she swallowed it that +"perhaps it might do her some good." When I became well enough to leave +my bed I sat in a nice easy-chair drawn close up to the window, from +whence I could see the early flowers that were now blooming in full +beauty in the garden below, while some amusing book rested on my lap. I +remember that they brought me the very first strawberries that ripened; +and the neighbors were so kind that many a well-relished delicacy was +sent in "for Mrs. Chesbury's sick child." + +I was just able to run about, but still looking very pale and thin, when +Aunt Henshaw arrived on a visit. "What!" exclaimed she, "can this be the +madcap, Amy? Why, you look like a ghost, child! What in the world have +you been doing to yourself--studying too hard?" + +The old lady possessed no great powers of penetration, and not being +sufficiently discerning to distinguish between the love of reading and +the love of study, she concluded, from seeing me often with a book in my +hand, that I was quite a studious character. Aunt Henshaw remained a +week or two; and though not exactly sick, I remained thin and drooping, +and seemed to get no stronger as the season advanced. The state of my +health was canvassed over and over again in the family circle; and one +day, when they were all gazing upon me with anxious solicitude, and +remarking upon my pale cheeks, Aunt Henshaw observed: "She needs a +change of air, poor child! She must go home with me." + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +I was quite surprised at the effect which this remark produced. Although +an only daughter, I had never been much caressed at home--I was always +so troublesome that they loved me best at a distance. If I happened to +get into the library with my father, I was sure to upset the inkstand, +or shake the table where he sat writing--or if admitted to my mother's +apartment, I made sad havoc with her work-basket, and was very apt to +clip up cut out articles with my little scissors--which said scissors I +regarded with the greatest affection; in the first place because they +were my own private property, and in the next place, they afforded me +the delightful pleasure of clipping--that great enjoyment of childhood; +but they did so much mischief that complaints against them were loud +and long, and I quite trembled at an oft-repeated threat of taking them +away. + +My mother evidently disapproved of Aunt Henshaw's proposal, and my +father drawing me towards him affectionately, said: "I am afraid we +could not part with our little madcap--we should miss her noise sadly." + +The idea of being missed, and actually made a subject of argument, was +something quite new to me; and glancing in surprise from one to the +other, I awaited the issue in silence, scarcely knowing whether I wished +to go or stay. But Aunt Henshaw carried her point. She represented so +many advantages to be gained by the change, where I could run about +quite wild, rolling among the fresh hay, and breathing the pure +air--insisting that it must bring a color into my pale cheeks--that my +parents at length yielded. + +Now began the delightful bustle of preparation. My mother turned over my +scanty wardrobe with perplexed looks; and an immediate cutting and +clipping took place, by which old gowns of hers were made into bran new +ones for me. Nor was this all--some were bought on purpose for me; and +I had two or three delightful jaunts to the city, to choose the patterns +for myself; and I wondered if anybody ever had so many, new things at +once as I was about to have. I became quite a wonder in the family--a +person whose movements were of the utmost importance; for I was going to +be away from them the whole summer, and it seemed an almost endless +separation. Mammy was not at all pleased at their sending her child away +from her; the old nurse even cried over me, and insisted upon it that I +had always been a paragon of excellence, and that she could not live +without me. My father gave me some money to buy her a present, the +selection of which was to be left entirely to my own taste; and the sum +I expended in a manner perfectly characteristic: I procured a large +bunch of gay beads for Mammy, and presented Jane with the wonderful +history of little Red Riding Hood. Both treasured them as carefully, and +apparently valued them as highly, as if they had been better selected; +and being quite confident that they would prefer them to anything else, +I was much surprised at the disapprobation expressed in the family +circle. + +I gave Henry a little pincushion, which I made on purpose for him, and +not knowing what to present Fred with, I allowed him to rip open my +second-best doll, which was still in quite a good state of preservation. +Fred had always possessed an inquiring mind, and an inclination to +inspect the contents of everything, in consequence of which my +possessions often suffered--and this employment now afforded him the +most intense satisfaction; while I, with a certain feeling of curiosity, +and yet scarcely able to repress an effort for the rescue of poor dolly, +stood watching the proceeding. Nothing appeared, however, but saw-dust; +although Fred had positively assured me that he had no doubt we would +find a diamond ring, or a piece of money, at least--as people often did +where they least expected it; and it was partly this consideration that +led me to consent to the dissection, for we had made an agreement to +divide the spoils. + +Fred's head was always filled with wonderful schemes of this nature, +and if he had not been so lazy and fond of mischief he would have made a +smart boy; for he was always reading books containing wonderful +researches into the productions of former centuries; and being +particularly interested in the study of minerals and different species +of rock, he often endeavored to explain to me the various forms of +strata which were found below the earth; but my comprehension could not +take it in. He was continually poring over fossil remains, and digging +in the garden for something curious. He one day ran in with his apron +full of stones and other rubbish, and holding up in triumph an object of +various hues, through which a slight blue shade was distinctly visible, +he called out eagerly: "See, mother! I have really found some fossil +remains at last!" + +Mamma took the admired treasure in her hand, as Fred desired; and as she +did so, a smile that had hovered about her mouth grew deeper and deeper; +and finally her amusement burst forth in a hearty laugh. Fred seized his +prize indignantly, and after washing it with the greatest care, found +himself in possession of the spout of an old crockery tea-pot. We heard +no more of fossil remains after that; though he still pursued his +researches privately--having, I believe transferred his expectations +from fossil remains to golden treasures. He was hardly more successful +in this line, as he never found anything to reward his toil except a +solitary five-pence, that he mistook for a gold piece, and which +required more rubbing and scouring to make it distinguishable than it +was worth. Having sacrificed my doll on the shrine of sisterly +affection, not to mention the dross of private interest, I concluded +that I had done as much for Fred as he had any right to expect; and +employed myself in arranging sugar-plums in various attractive forms, as +farewell presents to my younger brothers. + +The eventful morning arrived on which I was to take my departure. It was +my first absence from home for any length of time, and I had scarcely +been able to sleep at all during the night--my mind being occupied with +the one all-engrossing thought. I scarcely dared to listen at first, for +fear I should hear it rain; but the sun shone brightly in all the glory +of a clear June morning, and springing out of bed, I dressed myself as +expeditiously as possible, for fear that Aunt Henshaw might go off +without me. "What then was my surprise, when after breakfast I saw the +old lady sit down as usual, and after carefully wiping her spectacles, +take up a book she had been perusing, just as if the greatest event of +my life were not about to occur that very day? + +"Why, Aunt Henshaw!" said I in a tone of acute disappointment, "Are we +not going to-day?" + +"Certainly, my dear," was her reply, "But the stage coach will not be +here till two o'clock, and I have all my things ready." + +What could I possibly do with the six intervening hours? I too had all +my things ready; and my spirits were now in a state that absolutely +required excitement of some kind or other. I tried to read, but it was +impossible to fix my thoughts on the subject--even the Arabian Nights +failed to interest me; and after wondering for some time at Aunt +Henshaw, who could view the near prospect of a journey that would +occupy two or three days with the most perfect composure, I proceeded to +my mother's apartment. I had not been there long before I got up a cry, +and felt more doubtful than ever whether I wished to go. But mamma +talked with me for some time; and having clearly ascertained that it was +my parents' wish that I should go, in hopes of benefiting my health by +the change, I comforted myself with the idea of martyrdom on a small +scale. + +I put my doll to board with Ellen Tracy until my return, at a charge of +so many sugar-plums a week; with strict injunctions not to pull its arms +or legs out of order, or attempt to curl its hair. I could not eat a +mouthful of dinner, but Aunt Henshaw stowed away some cake for me in a +corner of her capacious bag; a proceeding which then rather amused me, +but for which I was afterwards exceedingly thankful. The time seemed +almost interminable; I threw out various hints on the value of +expedition, the misery of being behindhand, and the doubtful punctuality +of stage-coaches--but Aunt Henshaw remained immovable. + +"As to its coming before the appointed time," said she, "I never heard +of such a thing. It is much more likely to leave us altogether." + +Dreadful idea! Suppose it should! I stood flattening my nose against the +window-pane in hopes of spying the welcome vehicle; but it did not even +glimmer in the far distance. Full half an hour before the time, I was +equipped in the wrappers which my invalid state required, impatiently +awaiting the expected clatter of wheels. At length it rolled rapidly up +to the door; a shabby-looking vehicle, drawn by four horses--and a +perfect wilderness of heads and eyes looked forth from the windows, +while legs and arms dangled from the top. It was quite full; and several +voices called out, "They can't come in, driver! It's impossible!" + +What a blank fell upon my hopes at these cruel words! The people looked +so savage and unpitying, and I thought that after all we must stay at +home--there seemed no crevice of space into which we could force +ourselves; and in silent consternation I surveyed Aunt Henshaw's +substantial proportions. But she was an experienced traveller; and +making her adieus with a degree of composure and certainty that quite +reassured me, she took me by the hand and advanced to the stage as +smilingly as though they had all invited her to enter. The driver's +eagle eye spied out a seat for Aunt Henshaw--a kind-looking old +gentleman took me on his lap--the door was closed, and away we rattled. +Aunt Henshaw, never much given to silence, found a congenial companion +in the gentleman who had given me a seat; they were soon engaged in an +animated conversation on the pleasures of farming, during which I went +to sleep--nor was I aroused until about two hours after, when we found +ourselves landed at the wharf. We went on board the packet, and +proceeded to the cabin, where I was surprised, amused, and rather +frightened at the appearance of the narrow-looking boxes which we were +destined to sleep in. But Aunt Henshaw assured me that there was no +danger; and I found from experience that I could sleep almost as well +there as in my own bed at home. + +The wind was unfavorable, and we were almost a week on the water; but +at length we reached New London and proceeded to Waterford. Aunt +Henshaw's family, I knew, consisted only of a daughter--her sons having +married and settled away from her--and to the meeting with this cousin +Statia, I looked forward with some anxiety. It was almost dark when we +approached the house; a real farmhouse, with lilac and syringa bushes in +front, and a honeysuckle running over the piazza. A little dog came out +and barked at us--a sensible-looking cat rested on the porch--and in the +door-way stood Cousin Statia. She kissed me affectionately, and appeared +glad to see her mother; and we were all soon seated around the table, +where fresh cottage-cheese, crimson radishes, and warm tea-cakes looked +invitingly forth. + +I was rather disappointed in the appearance of Cousin Statia; I had +expected to see a fresh, smiling-looking country girl, but I found a +stiff, demure-looking young lady, at whose age I scarcely dared venture +a guess. A little colored girl waited on the table, who evidently +surveyed me with a great deal of interest; for I constantly caught the +sharp glances of her little black eyes. She had been christened +Aholibama--a name which she told me was taken out of some story-book, +though I afterwards found that it was in the Bible--but this being too +long an appellation, they had abbreviated it to Holly. During a hasty +glance into the cheerful kitchen, I caught a glimpse of a very +nice-looking colored woman, who, I afterwards found, was Sylvia, the +cook. + +Everything looked very pleasant around, though plain; but I was tired +and sleepy, and at an early hour Cousin Statia conducted me to a small, +neat room in the second story, with white curtains; and after +ascertaining that I could undress myself, she left me for a short time, +promising to come and take the candle. I felt the least bit homesick and +wished very much to see them all; but I was also very much interested in +the novelty of a new scene, and anticipated a great deal of pleasure in +examining the premises. Aunt Henshaw had told me that she believed there +were kittens somewhere around, and I determined to search till I found +them; for a little pet kitten appeared to me the sweetest of all +created things. + +In the meantime, I began to experience a very uncomfortable sensation +that quickly swallowed up all other thoughts. Cousin Statia had taken +the candle, but it was a bright, moonlight night, and the beautiful +moonbeams that came dancing in and formed a perfect network upon the +floor, made the room almost as light as day. It was not very warm +weather, but I felt the perspiration pouring down, while I trembled in +every limb. My eyes were fixed with a sort of fascination on the +opposite wall, where the shadow of a figure seemed to pass and repass; +and every time it arrived at a certain point, there was a sort of a kick +up, as though with the feet behind. I looked all around, as soon as I +dared to, but everything was still except the tormenting shadow. I +scarcely breathed, but kept watching the queer figure, till I was almost +ready to faint from cowardice. I tried to reason with myself--and called +to mind how my father had endeavored to banish this weakness; how one +night on being afraid to go into the cellar, he had himself gone with +me and examined every corner, to convince me that there was nothing to +fear; and under the impulse of these reflections I sprang out of bed, +determined to investigate the mystery. I went in every part of the room; +I examined the window, the curtains, but nothing was to be seen, while +the figure still continued its movements; and almost sick, I returned to +bed, to lie and watch the shadow. All sorts of queer stories rushed into +my head; I tried to forgot them and think of something else, but it was +impossible. The movement was slow, regular, and punctual. + +At last I could stand it no longer; I rushed to the window, determined +to stay there till the mystery was explained, for I felt convinced that +I should find it there. I directed my eyes piercingly to every part of +the curtains; and at length I perceived that the window had been let +down at the top. I closed it, arranged the curtains differently, and +then, in some trepidation, returned to my shadow. It had disappeared; +and I now understood that the formidable figure was merely a part of the +curtain, which, influenced by the night wind, swayed to and fro, +causing the shadow on the wall. + +I do not think I ever experienced a cowardly feeling afterwards; that +night perfectly satisfied me that superstition was the most unreasonable +torture that could be inflicted on oneself; and I was ever afterwards +celebrated for my bravery. Even my father praised my conduct, and said +that it was pretty well for a girl of ten years, under such +circumstances--at the same time representing to me how much more +reasonable such a course was, than screaming would have been, to rouse +the household for nothing. I went quietly to sleep, and dreamed neither +of goblins nor ghosts, but of a dear little spotted kitten with a blue +ribbon around its neck. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +I did not wake very early the next morning, and when I opened my eyes, I +perceived Cousin Statia standing by my bedside, who had been endeavoring +to waken me. Her manner was rather solemn as she announced that Aunt +Henshaw was waiting for me to commence the morning services. At this +information I felt very much mortified; and springing quickly out of +bed, I was soon dressed and in the breakfast room. Aunt Henshaw sat with +a large Bible open before her; and after kissing me kindly, she read a +chapter, and then offered a short prayer. + +After breakfast, Cousin Statia proceeded to wash up the cups and +saucers, which she always did for fear of their being broken; Aunt +Henshaw proceeded to the poultry yard, and I accompanied her. She had a +large tin pan in her hand, filled with moistened Indian meal, with which +she fed the chickens; of which there seemed an endless number, both old +and young. Then we went to the barn-yard, and she showed me a young +calf; but it was an awkward-looking thing, that scampered about without +sense or meaning. But I had not forgotten the kittens, and I asked Aunt +Henshaw where they were. She said that she would look; and going into +the barn, we peered around, in mangers and out-of-the-way places, +without the least success; and we concluded that the old cat must have +hid them up in the mow. + +"Perhaps Holly knows, though," said the old lady, on noticing my +disappointment, "very little escapes her eyes, and we can at least call +her and see." + +Holly was called, but with not much more success than our hunt after the +kittens, so we were obliged to proceed to the kitchen--a wing on the +same floor with the parlor and dining-room. Holly was now visible, +peeling apples, and evidently glad to be released from her task, she +professed herself perfectly acquainted with the whereabouts of the +kittens. + +"But can we get them?" asked Aunt Henshaw. + +"Oh yes, Missus," replied Holly, "if you'll only 'tice the old cat +somewhere and shut her up. She'd 'spect suthin' if she saw me, and +there'd be no gittin' rid of her; and if she once ketched us at the +bisness, she'd scratch our very eyes out--cats is always dreadful skeery +about their kittens." + +There was something in this speech which grated on my ear as painfully +ungrammatical; and I resolved, on the first opportunity, to instruct +Holly in the rudiments of grammar. She remained in the kitchen while +Aunt Henshaw, after calling "pussy" in an affectionate manner, shut the +cat up in the dining-room; and our guide then led the way to the +kittens. The garret stairs turned off in two directions; one led to +about four or five steps, beneath which was a hollow place extending +some distance back, where Holly had often seen the old cat go in and out +in a private manner. + +"Now," said she, "you stay here, and I'll jest git the rake and rake +the kittens out for Miss Amy, here." + +"But I am afraid you will hurt them," said Aunt Henshaw. + +"It ain't very likely," replied Holly confidently, "that they're a-going +to be so shaller as to git hurt. They'll squirm over the points of the +rake, and take care of themselves." + +The rake was brought; and five little sprawling kittens, with their eyes +scarcely open, were soon crawling at my feet. "Oh, you dear little +angels!" I exclaimed in ecstasy. + +"Rather black-looking angels," said Aunt Henshaw with a smile. + +I took them up, one after another, and was quite at a loss which to +admire most. There were three black ones, one grey, and one white one +spotted. I rather thought I preferred the white and grey, while Holly +claimed the three black ones. We took them all to the kitchen and placed +a saucer of milk before them, while Holly let out the cat, that she +might see how well we were treating them. She looked around in surprise +at first; but then deliberately taking them one by one, she carried +them all off in her mouth, and we saw nothing more of them for some +time. + +I spent the morning in wandering about; and in the afternoon I sat in +the parlor with Cousin Statia, who was knitting as fast as her needles +could fly. I asked her for a book; and after some search, she handed me +the "Pilgrim's Progress," in which I soon became deeply interested, +while Aunt Henshaw took a nap in her chair. Towards evening the old +white horse was harnessed up, and we took a drive; Aunt Henshaw being +determined, as she said, to put some color in my pale cheeks. They +evidently thought a great deal of this old horse, whom they called Joe; +but I mentally compared him with my father's carriage-horses--a +comparison not much to his advantage. Cousin Statia drove, but Joe did +not seem much disposed to go. Every now and then he came to a +stand-still, and I quite wanted to get out and push him along. But they +saw nothing uncommon in his behavior, and even congratulated themselves +upon his being so careful. Aunt Henshaw said that such dreadful +accidents had happened in consequence of horses running away with +people, and that Joe's great virtue consisted in his being so perfectly +gentle. + +We did not drive very far, and on our return found that Sylvia had tea +all ready and waiting for us. The old colored woman was quite tasty in +her ideas, and had garnished an immense dish of strawberries with +flowers and leaves, through which the red fruit gleamed most temptingly +forth. After tea, when Cousin Statia had taken up her knitting, and Aunt +Henshaw was seated in her usual chair, I placed a low stool beside her +for myself, and begged for one of her usual stories. She was a very +entertaining old lady, with a great deal of natural wit, and abundant +reminiscences of the times in which she had lived. Nothing delighted us +more than to hear her stories of the Revolution, in many of which she +figured as principal actor; and I now expected a rich treat. + +"Well, I do not know," replied Aunt Henshaw in answer to my question, "I +think I must have told you all." + +This remark, I knew from experience, was the prelude to something even +more interesting than usual, and I waited patiently for her to begin. + +"Did I ever tell you," she continued, "of the time that Statia went to +her Uncle Ben's at night, with no one except her two little brothers?" + +I had never heard the narrative, and eagerly settled myself in the +position of a listener. + +"Statia," said her mother, "you had better tell the story--perhaps you +remember it better than I do." + +"It was a raw November night," she began, "and though it did not exactly +storm, the wind moaned and raged through the trees, blowing the fallen +leaver about in gusts, and making a pleasant fire seem doubly cheerful. +The large hickory logs were roaring and blazing in our huge fireplace +and my father, my mother, my two brothers, and myself were gathered +around the fire. I was the eldest, but I was then only twelve years old; +and yet, I remember always to have felt a great deal of care and +responsibility towards the other children I never can forget the night, +for I then experienced my first lesson of self-forgetfulness; and +whenever I speak of it, it seems as of something just passed. As I was +saying, we all sat by the fire, and had just been talking of the +British, who were dreaded and feared by us children as a race of ogres. +The door opened suddenly, and John, one of the hired men, stood before +us, his countenance expressive of some disaster. My father and mother +both rose in apprehension, and demanded the cause of his seeming terror. + +"Why sir," he stammered, "perhaps it ain't after all, anything so very +bad--there may not be any real danger; though it ain't exactly what you +would have chosen. I have just come from the post-office, and they say +that a party of British have landed about four miles below, and will +probably come and take supper with you. I do not believe they will do +anything worse, but it is best to be ready." + +My mother turned very pale, but she did not faint; she was a true +daughter of America, and always tried to repress all outward signs of +weakness. "I can load the guns," said she, "and attend to the +supper--but what will become of the children? These soldiers may perhaps +be intoxicated, and might set fire to the house." + +"They must be sent away," replied my father; "How long will it be before +the British get here?" he continued. + +"About two hours I should think," was John's reply; "and this being the +first farmhouse they pass, they will probably stop here." + +"Statia," said my father, turning to me, "it is my wish that you take +your brothers and go as quickly as possible to your Uncle Ben's, where +you will be out of danger. I must send you _alone_, my child, for I can +spare no one to accompany you. But it is not a dark night, and you are +well acquainted with the road. I see no other alternative." + +"I trembled in every limb, but I had been brought up with the greatest +deference for my parents' wishes, and should not have dared to dispute +my father's command, even had he told me to do a much harder thing. The +children began to cry, for they were afraid of being murdered on the +road; but my mother succeeded in soothing them; and well bundled up, we +received a kiss and blessing from our parents, and started on our dreary +journey. Here was I quite alone, except my two little brothers, who +clung to me as we went along, and cried with terror, with three long +miles before me, and the wind blowing around us with such fury that we +could scarcely keep our feet. My younger brother now complained of the +cold; and resolved to protect them at whatever cost to myself, I took +off my cloak and wrapped it about him. I had only a shawl left; and +wrapping my arms in its thin folds, while the children grasped my skirt, +we proceeded slowly along. It was fortunate for us that the moon shone +brightly, for, even as it was, I was puzzled about the way. But at +length we reached the well-known house, and surprised enough were they +to see us; but when we told them the reason, my uncle immediately +started for my father's house, to render any assistance that might be +required. The night passed, however, without the expected invasion; the +British proceeded in another direction, and our cold, lonely walk might +have been dispensed with. But my father called me his brave little +girl, and said that in future he could always trust me--while my mother +pressed us silently to her bosom, and as she kissed us, I felt the warm +tears falling on my face. She too had had her trial on that fearful +night." + +I felt very thankful that my parents had never required such a +disagreeable proof of obedience; for, not possessing the firm principle +of right which characterized Cousin Statia, even as a child, I should +have been very much disposed to resist their authority. + +"Well," said Aunt Henshaw, "that is a story of which Statia may well be +proud, but her telling it has just put me in mind of something else. I +once had a large jar of sour milk standing before the fire, which I was +going to make into cottage-cheese, when one of the servants came +running, in breathless haste, with the news that three British soldiers +were approaching the house. Plunder was generally the object of such +stragglers, and there was quite a large sum of gold lying in a bureau +drawer, which I felt very unwilling to part with. My husband was from +home, so seizing the money, I quietly dropped it all in the jar of +milk. I had just finished this exploit when the soldiers entered; and +after eating in a manner that made the children fear they would next be +precipitated down their capacious throats, they began to look about for +plunder. I tried to be as composed as possible, and this, I think, kept +them a little in awe; for they were perfectly civil in words, and did no +damage, except to turn things topsy turvy. They found nothing to suit +them, till spying a very good coat of Mr. Henshaw's, one of them coolly +encased himself in it and they all walked off together." I watched them +from the window, and perceiving that they had left the gate open, I +called out after them: "Be kind enough to shut the gate, will you? I am +afraid the pigs will get in." They stopped a moment, smiled, and then +did as I requested. "Ah, Amy," said my aunt in conclusion, "the +necessity of the times was a school that taught women far more of the +realities of life than they learn now-a-days." + +Aunt Henshaw fell into a long revery; and a pair of eyes, which had been +glimmering near the door for some time, suddenly disappeared, and I +heard the retreating footsteps of Holly as she took her way to the +kitchen. The little colored girl always kept her eyes and ears open, and +never lost an opportunity to gain knowledge of any description. A great +deal which she had stealthily learned was communicated to me during my +stay; and I am sorry to say that I was more hurt than benefitted by the +companionship. Aunt Henshaw, though kind, did not appear to me in the +light of a playmate, and Cousin Statia seldom opened her lips--being too +industrious to waste time in talking; so that, for want of more suitable +company, I descended to the kitchen. + +The next morning, having obtained Aunt Henshaw's permission, I went out +to feed the chickens; and having drawn them near the wood-pile, I +confined my favors almost exclusively to a sober-looking hen and five +little chickens. When the pan was empty, I conceived that I had well +earned the right, and putting my hand down softly, I took up a cunning +little thing and hugged it in delight. But a terrible flapping of wings +sounded close to my ears--I could scarcely distinguish any thing--and +dropping the chicken, I fell across the chopping-log. The old hen rushed +furiously at me, and kept beating me with her wings; while I, afraid +that my eyes would be pecked out, could do nothing but scream. Some one, +at length, picked me up; and when I ventured to look around, I beheld +Sylvia, who stood beside me, laughing immoderately. Holly soon joined +the company, and even Cousin Statia seemed amused; while Aunt Henshaw +carefully examined my eyes to see that they had sustained no injury. + +"I ought to have told you not to touch the chickens," said the old lady; +"for the hen would even sacrifice her life to protect them." + +But experience is the best teacher, after all--the lessons thus gained, +though more disagreeable, are seldom forgotten; and I never again +meddled with the chickens. + +This seemed destined, though, to be a day of misfortunes, to which the +chicken business was but a slight commencement. The evening was most +lovely, and I accompanied Holly, who bad gone to feed the pigs. A fence +separated the pen from the rest of the yard; and on this fence it was +Holly's usual practice to perch herself and watch the motions of her +charges. She looked so comfortable that I determined to follow her +example; and having gained the eminence, I looked around in triumph. But +oh, how sad to tell! but a few moments elapsed ere I found myself +floundering in the mire beneath; while the pigs all rushed towards me as +though I had been thrown there for them to make a supper of. Holly was +quite convulsed with laughter; but my screams now became terrific; and +calling Sylvia, the two extricated me from my unpleasant predicament. + +I was truly a pitiable object, but my white dress was the greatest +sufferer: while the tears that rolled down my cheeks grew blacker and +blacker as they descended. I almost wished myself home again; but +Sylvia, between her paroxyms of laughter, told me "not to cry, and they +would soon make me look as good as new--any how, missus musn't see me in +such a pickle." They fell to scraping and scouring with the greatest +zeal, and then placed me before the kitchen fire to dry. + +"How the pigs did run!" said Holly; "'spect, Miss Amy, they mistook you +for a little broder!" + +At this sally Sylvia laughed louder than ever; but perceiving my +distress, she observed, in a kind tone: "Never mind, Miss Amy, we can't +help laughing, you know--and you'll laugh too, when you git out of this +here mess. But we do really feel sorry for you, for you look reel awful; +I only hope old missus won't come in and ketch you." + +But in a few moments the kind face of Aunt Henshaw looked into the scene +of distress which the kitchen had now become, and surprise at my +appearance rendered her almost speechless. But she soon recovered +herself; and under her direction I was immersed in a tub of water, while +my unfortunate clothes were consigned to the same fate. After this +ceremony I was advised to go to bed; and thither I accordingly repaired, +thinking how forlorn it was to fall into the pig-pen on such a beautiful +evening. + +The whole household seemed disposed to bear in mind that unfortunate +occurrence; when about to fall into mischief, Aunt Henshaw would say in +a peculiar tone: "Remember the pig-pen, Amy!" or, when troubling Sylvia, +it would be; "I guess you learned that in the pig-pen, Miss Amy;" and +even Holly took up the burden of the song, till I heartily wished that +she had taken the plunge instead of myself. Before long they all +discovered that I was very prone to such scrapes; I dropped a very nice +hat down the well, which, for fear of its spoiling the water, they spent +a great deal of time in fishing up--I fell from the mow, but fortunately +sustained no injury; and Sylvia one day caught me skimming off the +cream--an amusement which I considered very innocent, but she speedily +undeceived me. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +Two or three weeks passed on very pleasantly, and I began to think it +time to write a letter home. I had made but little progress in the art, +and letter-writing always appeared to me a great undertaking; but Aunt +Henshaw, having one afternoon provided me with pen, ink, and paper, and +elevated me nicely with the large Bible and my "Pilgrim's Progress," I +sat biting the end of my quill, and pondering over some form of +commencement. I had already written "dear mother" at the top; at length +I added after considerable reflection: + +"I am well, and hope that you are the same. It is very pleasant here. No +more at present from + +Your affectionate Daughter, + +AMY." + +Aunt Henshaw pronounced this "very well--what was of it;" and Cousin +Statia smiled, though I could not well why; but her smiles were so few +and far between that they always set me a wondering. The letter was +sealed, however, and enclosed in a larger one of Aunt Henshaw's, who +probably gave a more detailed account of matters and things than I had +given. + +In the meantime, I was fast regaining the blooming, hoyden appearance +most natural to me; and Aunt Henshaw continued to write glowing accounts +of my improvement. In due time my scrawl was answered by a most +affectionate letter from mamma, to which was added a postscript by my +father; and I began to rise wonderfully in my own estimation, in +consequence of having letters addressed entirely to myself. I even +undertook to correct Sylvia for speaking ungrammatically, which made her +very angry; and she took occasion to observe, that she had not lived so +long in the world to be taught grammar by young ladies who fell into +pig-pens. One great source of amusement at Henshaw's, was to watch +Sylvia making cheeses. Sometimes she allowed me to make small ones, +which I pressed with geranium leaves; but one day, being a little out of +humor, she refused to let me have the rennet unless I could find it.--I +searched through the kitchen and everywhere for it, and spent the whole +morning in looking, till I almost despaired of finding it; but at length +I pushed aside a tub, and there it was. This was one of Sylvia's +peculiarities. She was an excellent servant, and having been a long time +in the family, Aunt Henshaw allowed her to have pretty much her own way. +Sylvia was not wanting in sense, and often, when the old lady thought +she had obtained the better of the dispute, she was, in reality, +yielding to the sagacity of the colored woman. Holly was a sort of +satellite, and evidently quite in awe of her superior; but Sylvia +regarded her as the very quintescence of laziness, and always delighted +to set her at some interminable job. It was much more to Holly's taste +to look after the cows and pigs, and wander about the premises, than to +wash dishes and peel potatoes; but she dared not resist the cook's +authority. + +One Sunday morning I was left at home, in consequence of not being well, +with strict injunctions not to get into mischief; while Aunt Henshaw, +Cousin Statia, and Sylvia went to church--the superintendence of the +house being placed in Holly's charge. I settled myself by the parlor +window with my "Pilgrim's Progress" and pursued the thread of +Christian's adventures; while I glanced from time to time on the +prospect without, while the hum of the locusts and lowing of the cows +came borne upon my ear like pleasant sounds. I laid down my book to read +a chapter in the Bible, and was enjoying a very pleasant frame of mind +when the tempter came, in the shape of Holly, and beckoned me into the +kitchen. + +Nothing loath, I followed eagerly; and the colored girl proposed that we +should have a small baking. The fire had been carefully put out in the +kitchen, and we concluded to make one on bricks in the yard. After +puffing and blowing with considerable energy, Holly kindled a flame; +and we then concluded to mix up some gingerbread, and bake it in +clam-shells As I heard the monotonous hum of the bees, and remarked the +stillness around, while everything seemed to speak of the Sabbath, my +conscience reproached me; and I was several times on the point of +turning back into the parlor, but I lacked sufficient courage to resist +Holly's glowing descriptions of our gingerbread that was to be. The +store-room closet was pretty dark, and Holly was obliged to go by +guess-work in selecting her materials, but all seemed right; and in +triumph we placed several clam-shells of dough on the fire to bake. We +worked very hard to keep up the flames, but the baking progressed +slowly; and we dreaded to hear the sound of wheels that announced the +return of the church-goers. It was done at last, and we sat down to +enjoy the feast. I broke off a piece, and put it in my mouth, expecting +to find a delicious morsel, but it had a very queer taste; and I saw +that Holly was surveying it with an appearance of the greatest +curiosity. + +"What is the matter?" said I, "What have you done to it, Holly?" + +"Well, I guess I've put in lime instead of flour," she replied. + +It was but too true; and just then we heard the sound of wheels, and a +vigorous lifting of the great brass knocker. Holly hurriedly cleared +away all signs of our employment, and then opened the door; while I +returned to my books, convinced that the poorest time to make +gingerbread was on Sunday, and in the dark. But Aunt Henshaw discovered +our proceedings through Sylvia, who complained that some one had dropped +molasses in the lime; which she soon traced to Holly, and I was never +left home again on Sunday, alone. + +"Once," said Aunt Henshaw, when I had, as usual, solicited a story, +"there was a report that the British were about to sack New London. The +city was a scene of hurry and confusion. Carriages were driving hither +and thither, laden with silver plate and other valuables, which the +owners were glad to place in the hands of any respectable-looking +stranger they met, for safe-keeping. Several pieces were placed in our +carriage; among others a handsome silver tankard and half-a-dozen +goblets, which were never reclaimed. I have always kept them to this +day." + +She showed me these articles, which were extremely rich and massive, and +the old lady always kept them carefully locked in a capacious +side-board; never taking them out except to look at. + +"Aunt Henshaw, did you ever see a lord?" I inquired. + +"Plenty of them," was her reply, "lords were as thick as blackberries +during the Revolution." + +"How did they look?" said I. + +"Very much like other people--and often pretty distressed." + +I was then surprised at this information, but I have since learned +better; for I have seen the House of Lords in England, and they are, for +the most part, a common, uninteresting-looking assembly. + +"There was a Lord Spencer," continued my aunt, "a very wild young man, +who was constantly committing some prank or other--though always +strictly honorable in repairing any damages he occasioned. He once, for +mere sport, shot a fine colt, belonging to an old farmer, as he was +quietly grazing in the field. Even his companions remonstrated with him, +and endeavored to prevent the mischief; but he laid them a wager that he +should not only escape punishment, but that he would even make the old +farmer perfectly satisfied with his conduct. They accepted his bet, and +anxious to see how he would extricate himself, they accompanied him to +the residence of the old farmer. + +"That is a very fine colt of yours," began the young lord, "I should +like to purchase him." + +"He is not for sale," replied the farmer, shortly. + +"I suppose not," rejoined the visitor. "But what would you value him at +in case any accident happened to him through the carelessness of others? +What sum would pay you for it?" + +"A hundred dollars would cover his value," said the farmer, after some +consideration, "but has any thing happened to him, that you ask these +questions?" + +"Yes," replied the lord, "I have unfortunately shot him--and here is two +hundred dollars as an equivalent." + +Lord Spencer won his wager, for the farmer had made at least a hundred +dollars, and being extremely fond of money, he could not regret the loss +of his colt. "This is a specimen, Amy, of what lords are; so do not go to +forming any exalted notions of them, as of a superior race of beings. It +was very cruel in Lord Spencer to shoot the poor animal--but it was +honorable in him to make up the farmer's loss, for it doubled the amount +of wages he gained; yet to sum up the proceeding, it was wrong--for +besides killing an inoffensive animal, it did not belong to him." + +Aunt Henshaw seldom failed to point out the right and wrong in her +stories, for she feared that I would be carried away with whatever was +most dazzling, and thus form erroneous impressions. It is an excellent +maxim that "people should be just before they are generous;" and did all +bear this in mind while admiring actions that often dazzle with a false +glitter, they would assume a totally different appearance. + +Every few days there was an inundation of different cousins who lived +but a few miles distant; and then there was so much shaking of great +rough hands, as I was presented--so many comments on my appearance, and +comparison of each separate feature with each of my parents--that I grew +almost afraid to look up under the many eyes that were bent upon me to +detect resemblances to the Henshaws, Chesburys, or Farringtons--which +last was my mother's maiden name. I became quite tired of telling people +when I arrived, how long I intended to stay, and how many brothers and +sisters I had. They were all very kind, though, and invited me so +politely to come and see them that I quite wanted to go; and Aunt +Henshaw promised to return their visits very soon, and bring me with +her. + +So one fine day we set forth on a visit to Cousin Ben's--a son of the +identical Uncle Ben to whose house Cousin Statia walked with her two +little brothers, on that cold November night. She pointed out the road +as we passed, showed me the very place where she had wrapped her own +cloak around her brother, the spot where they stopped to rub their hands +warm, and a cross-road which they came very near taking. The house was +plain, but pleasantly situated; and as we drove up to the door, Cousin +Ben, his wife, and two or three children about my own age, came out to +meet us. There was very little reserve among these country cousins; and +before long, I was on as good terms with my play-mates as though I had +known them all my life. We raced out into the fields, and feasted on +sugar-pears, which were then just ripe; and I found, to my surprise, +that my female cousins were quite as expert at climbing trees as the +boys. I began to feel deficient in accomplishments; but I was not +sufficiently a hoyden to follow their example, and could only perform +the part of an admiring spectator. + +A very quiet-looking old horse was grazing near by, and my cousins +proposed that we should have a ride. I surveyed the great tall animal +with dismay, and was frightened at the idea of being perched on his +back; but the boys lifted me up, and five of us were soon mounted, ready +for a start. It was our intention to proceed in this triumphant manner +to the woods to gather berries; but our proposed conductor evidently +disapproved the projected excursion, for, with a sudden kick-up behind, +he sent us all five rolling on the grass. My white frock was the +sufferer as usual; and scarcely any evil that has befallen me since, +ever affected me more than would the dreaded spot that always appeared +in the most conspicuous place whenever I was dressed up. It was always +the herald of speedy disgrace, either in the shape of being sent +supperless to bed, or deprived of going out next day. Mammy was +particularly severe on such occasions; it was provoking to be sure, +after taking the pains to dress me nicely, to find all her work spoiled +within the next fifteen minutes; but I did think it was not my fault, +and wondered how it always happened. My new companions could not +understand my distress in consequence of this accident; and with +trembling steps I went in to Aunt Henshaw, expecting to be kept by her +side for the rest of the day, and never brought out again. + +What was my surprise when, after examining the spot, she said, in a tone +which sounded like music in my ears: "Well child, you couldn't help it, +and it is well you were not hurt. After all, white dresses are poor +things for children to play in, and this is only fit for the wash-tub +now. But this is not quite so bad as the pig-pen--eh, Amy?" + +The color mounted quickly into my face at these last words, and gladly +obeying her injunction to "go, play now," I bounded from the room; while +Aunt Henshaw, I suppose, enlightened the company as to the meaning of +her question, and my evident confusion. Oh, if people did but know the +effect of kind words, especially when harshness is expected! I never +enjoyed romping so much in all my life as on that afternoon; Aunt +Henshaw had pronounced my dress "fit only for the wash-tub," and I +thought that before it proceeded thither, it might just as well be a +little more soiled as not. So we rolled about on the grass, climbed over +fences, and rambled through the woods without fear or restraint. With a +light and happy heart I set out on the journey home, congratulating +myself that I was not then to encounter the eagle eyes of Mammy. + +Aunt Henshaw, though perfectly willing that I should enjoy myself at +play, did not approve of my spending my whole time in idleness; and +under her superintendence, I felt more disposed to work than I ever had +before. With her assistance I completed several articles of dress for a +sister of Sylvia's, who was very poor, and lived in a sort of hovel near +by; and the indefatigable Holly having again discovered the kittens in +some equally out-of-the-way place, I at last, with a great deal of +difficulty, succeeded in manufacturing a warm suit of clothes for the +winter wear of the prettiest one. Having equipped the kitten in its new +habiliments, I carried it to Aunt Henshaw, as quite a triumph of art; +but when I made my appearance, with the two little ears poking out of +the bonnet, and the tail quite visible through a hole in the skirt which +I had cut for it, Cousin Statia actually indulged in a hearty fit of +laughter, while Aunt Henshaw appeared even more amused. She told me +that nature had furnished it with a covering quite sufficient to protect +it from the cold; but I thought that it must then be a great deal too +warm in summer, and had just commenced fanning it, when she explained to +me that the fur was a great deal thinner in summer than in winter. This +satisfied me; and releasing the astonished kitten from its numerous +wrappers, I presented them to Holly, and gave up all idea of furnishing +it with a wardrobe. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +At Aunt Henshaw's, my passion for rummaging drawers and boxes of +knickknacks was abundantly gratified. The old lady fairly over-flowed +with the milk of human kindness, and allowed me to put her things in +disorder as often as I chose. There was an album quilt, among her +possessions, which I never grew tired of admiring. The pieces were all +of an octagon shape, arranged in little circles of different colors; and +in the centre of each circle was a piece of white muslin, on which was +written in tiny characters the name of the person who had made the +circle, and two lines of poetry. This album quilt was a good many years +old; and had been made by the ladies of the neighborhood, as a tribute +of respect to Aunt Henshaw, on account of her many acts of bravery and +presence of mind during the trying times of the Revolution. + +The old lady was never weary of describing the grand quilting, which +took place in an old stone barn on the premises; when they all came at +one o'clock, and sitting down to work, scarcely spoke a word until six, +when the quilt was triumphantly pronounced to be completed; and taking +it from the frame, they proceeded to arrange a large table, set out with +strawberries and cream, dough-nuts, chickens, cider, and almost every +incongruous eatable that could be mentioned. Washington was then +President, and after drinking his health in cider, coffee, and tea, +which last was then a very precious commodity, being served in cups +exactly the size of a doll's set, they all in turn related stories or +personal anecdotes of the great General, of whom Aunt Henshaw never +spoke without the greatest reverence and enthusiasm. He died when I was +very young, so that I never saw him; but I have visited his tomb, and +his residence at Mount Vernon, and have also seen portraits of him that +were pronounced to be life-like by those who were intimately acquainted +with him. + +Aunt Henshaw had actually entertained La Fayette at her house for a +whole night, and she showed me the very room he slept in; while Cousin +Statia produced an album in which he had written his name. I always +experienced a burning desire to possess some memento of the +distinguished men whose names are woven in the annals of our country; +and seating myself at the table with the album before me, I spent +several hours in trying to copy the illustrious autograph. But all my +efforts were vain; I could produce nothing like it, and was obliged to +return the book to its favored owner. + +I delighted to spell out the album quilt until I knew almost every line +by heart; while the curious medley which these different scraps of +poetry presented reminded me very much of a play, in which one person +repeats a line, to which another must find a rhyme. When Aunt Henshaw +died, which was just about the time that I was grown up, she left the +quilt to me in her will; because, as she said. I had always been so +fond of it. I still have it carefully packed away, and regard it as +quite a treasure. + +But very often, during a voyage of discoveries through rooms that were +seldom used, I passed various boxes, and awkward-looking little trunks, +and curious baskets, that struck me as being particularly interesting in +appearance. But Aunt Henshaw always said: "Those are Statia's--we must +not touch them," and passed quickly on, without in the least indulging +my excited curiosity. Whether Cousin Statia kept wild animals, or +mysterious treasures, or old clothes, in all these places, I was unable +to conclude; but I determined to find out if possible. Having one day +accompanied her upstairs, she proceeded to unlock a large trunk which I +had always regarded with longing eyes; and opening them very wide, that +I might take in as much as possible in a hasty survey, what was my +disappointment to see her take out a couple of linen pillow-cases, +nicely ruffled, while at least a dozen or two more remained, together +with a corresponding number of sheets, table-cloths, napkins, &c.! All +of home-made manufacture, and seeming to my youthful ideas enough to +last a life-time. What could Cousin Statia possibly do with all these +things? Or what had she put them there for? I knew that Aunt Henshaw +possessed inexhaustible stores, and I could not imagine why Cousin +Statia found it necessary to have her's separate. I pondered the matter +over for two or three days, and then concluded to apply to Holly for +information on the desired point. + +"Why, lor bless you!" said the colored girl in a mysterious manner, +"Didn't you know that Miss Statia has been crossed in love?" + +Holly announced this fact as a sufficiently explanatory one; but I could +not comprehend what connection there was between being crossed in love, +and a large trunk of bran new things. + +"Why, I quite pities your ignorance, Miss Amy! In old times," continued +my informant, as though dwelling on her own particular virtue in this +respect, "in old times people didn't used to be half so lazy as they am +now-a-days, and thought nothing at all of sewing their fingers to the +bone, or spinning their nails off, or knittin' forever; and when gals +growed up, and had any thoughts of gittin' married, they set to work and +made hull trunks full of things, and people used to call them spinsters. +Now Miss Statia has been fillin' trunks and baskets ever sense she could +do anything, so that she's got a pretty likely stock--but no one ever +came along this way but what was married already, and that's the meanin' +of bein' crossed in love. But don't for your life go to tellin' +nobody--they'd most chop my head off, if it should come out." + +I asked Holly how she had ascertained the fact; "Oh," she replied, +knowingly, "there ain't much that escapes me. I know pretty much every +article in this house, and hear whatever's goin' on. Key-holes is a +great convenience; and though it ain't very pleasant to be squatin' in +cold entries, and fallin' in the room sometimes, when people open the +door without no warnin', yet I'm often there when they think I'm safe in +the kitchin. Miss Statia once boxed my ears and sent me to bed, when she +happened to ketch me listinin'; but it didn't smart much, and people +can't 'spect to gather roses without thistles." + +Holly often interspersed her conversation with various quotations and +wise reflections; but the idea of listening at key-holes quite shocked +my sense of honor, and I endeavored to remonstrate with her upon the +practice. + +"It won't do for you to talk so, Miss Amy," was her sagacious reply; +"you mus'n't quarrel with the ship that carries you safe over. If I had +not listened at key-holes, you'd never have known what was in them +trunks." + +The truth of this remark was quite manifest; and concluding that I was +not exactly suited to the character of admonisher, I never renewed the +attempt. + +Aunt Henshaw had boxes of old letters which she estimated among her +greatest valuables; and sometimes, when the sun was shining brightly +without, and the soft air of summer waving the trees gently to and fro, +the old lady would invite me in a mysterious manner to her room, and +drawing forth an almost endless package, open letter after letter, and +read to me the correspondence of people whom I cared nothing about. I +tried very hard to suppress all signs of yawning, for I wanted to be out +at play; but I must have been ungrateful not to exercise a little +patience with one so kind and affectionate, and she, dear old soul! +evidently considered it the greatest treat she could offer me. I became +in this manner acquainted with the whole history of her courtship; and +charmed with so quiet a listener, she would read to me till I fairly +fell asleep. But her thoughts being entirely occupied with the past, and +her eyes in endeavoring to decipher the faded hand-writing, this +inattention passed unobserved; and she pursued her reading until called +off by her daily duties. + +Dear old lady! how often have I watched her when she was asleep, as with +the neat white frill of her cap partially shading her face, she sat in +the large chair with her hands folded together, and her spectacles lying +on the book in her lap. She looked so pure and calm that I sometimes +felt afraid that she might be dead, like old people I had heard of who +died quietly in their sleep; but I could not bear the idea, and a +feeling of inexpressible relief would come over me when I beheld the +lids slowly rise again from the mild eyes that were ever bent lovingly +upon me. + +She bad a box piled with rolls of manuscript containing poetry, which +she told me she had taken great pleasure in composing. "Saturday +nights," said she, "when everything was in order, and, the next day +being Sunday, I had no household cares to think of, I would amuse myself +in composing verses that were seldom shown to any one. Mr. Henshaw was a +most excellent man and a kind husband, but he had no taste for poetry, +and considered it a great waste of time. Another thing that helped to +set him against it was an unfortunate poem that I composed on the event +of a marriage that took place in the neighborhood. The gentleman had +courted the lady for a number of years without success; and after +praising his constancy, I dwelt on the beauteous Eliza's charms, and +said something about winning the goal at last. But they were very much +offended; they supposed that I was ridiculing them, and said that I had +represented them as doing a great many foolish things which they had +never thought of. There was no use in attempting to pacify them--I had +thrown away my poetry where it was not appreciated; and Mr. Henshaw +exclaimed in a tone of annoyance: 'Now do, I beg of you, never let me +see you again at the writing-desk! You have done as much mischief with +your pen as other women accomplish with their tongues.' So I never sent +poetry again to other people; but whenever I felt lonely, I sat down and +wrote, and it has really been a great comfort to me. One of these days, +Amy, I shall give this all to you." + +When I returned home, the poetry was carefully laid in the bottom of my +trunk; but I have my suspicions that for sometime after Jane kindled the +nursery fire with it. While looking over her things one day. Aunt +Henshaw showed me an old-fashioned pair of ear-rings, which I admired +very much. + +"I intended to give these to you, Amy," said she, "but I see that your +ears have not been pierced." + +"Why, I thought those holes always grew in people's ears!" said I, in +surprise. "Have I none in mine?" + +"No," she replied, "they are always made with a needle, or some sharp +instrument." + +"Does it hurt?" I inquired. + +"Not much," was her reply, and so the subject dropped, but I still +pursued it in thought. + +I fancied myself decked with the ear-rings, and the pleasure I should +experience in showing them to Mammy and Jane; but then on the other +hand, the idea of the needle was anything but agreeable, for I could not +bear the least pain. I wavered for sometime between the advantages and +disadvantages of the operation. This state of mind led me to notice +people's ears much more than I had formerly done; and perceiving that +Sylvia's were adorned with a pair of large gold hoops, I applied to her +for advice. + +"Why, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, in surprise, "you are real shaller, if +you don't have your ears bored after that! Why, I'd made a hole in my +nose in half a minit, if somebody'd only give me a gold ring to put +through it!" + +"Who bored _your_ ears, Sylvia?" said I at length. + +"Why, I did it myself, to be sure. Any body can do that--jest take a +needle and thread and draw it right through." + +I shuddered involuntarily; but just then Sylvia moved her head a little, +and the rings shook and glittered so fascinatingly that I resolved to +become a martyr to the cause of vanity. The colored woman having agreed +to perform the office, and Aunt Henshaw and Statia being out for the +afternoon, I seated myself on a chair with my back against the dresser; +while Sylvia mounted the few steps that led to her sleeping-room in +order to search for a needle, and Holly endeavored to keep up my courage +by representing the fascinating appearance I should present when +decorated with ear-rings. + +Sylvia soon came down, with needle, and thread, and cork; while I began +to tremble and turn pale on perceiving the instruments of torture. I had +quite forgotten how disagreeable needles felt in the flesh; and Sylvia's +first attempt was brought to a sudden end by a loud scream, which would +certainly have roused the neighbors had there been any near. + +"Now, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, "I had your ear almost bored then. But +if you're going to cut up such didos I shall leave off directly--it +ain't no such great fun for me." + +She was going up stairs with a very resolute air, and again the +ear-rings flashed and glittered; and having by this time lost the acute +sense of pain, I called her back and begged her to proceed. + +"Now mind," said she, "if you holler again, I'll jest stop at once." + +I glued my lips firmly together, while she again adjusted the cork and +needle; but I could hardly bear it, and trembled like an aspen leaf. One +ear was soon pierced, while I felt the needle in every part of my frame; +and Sylvia was proceeding to do the other, but I jumped up suddenly, +exclaiming: "Oh Sylvia! I cannot have the other one bored! It will kill +me!" + +"Well, I wouldn't if I was you, Miss Amy," said she, "cos you can hang +both rings in one ear, you know--and that'll look real beautiful, won't +it, Holly?" + +Holly burst into a loud fit of laughter, and through the effects of +ridicule, I submitted a second time to the infliction. But it was +impossible to endure the suffering any longer; the color gradually +faded from my face, and just as Sylvia concluded, she found that I had +fainted. The two were very much frightened, and after almost drowning me +with water, they lifted me up and carried me to my own bed. Aunt Henshaw +soon came home, and her horror at my situation was only equalled by her +astonishment. Sylvia did not tell her the cause of my sudden illness; +but she soon discovered it by a glance at my ears which were much +inflamed and swollen, having been pierced in a very bungling manner. +Sylvia received such a severe reprimand that she was almost angry enough +to leave on the spot; but she had only erred through ignorance, and I +succeeded at length in reconciling her mistress. + +"But, my dear Amy," said the kind old lady, as she sat down beside me, +"Why is it that you are always getting into some trouble if left to +yourself for ever so short a time? You cannot tell the pain it gives me. +Why, an account of your various scrapes since you have been here would +almost fill a book." + +What could I reply? It was a natural and most unfortunate propensity +which displayed itself everywhere; as well with Mammy in the precincts +of the nursery, as when roaming about at Aunt Henshaw's. + +"But the ear-rings?" said I. "You will give them to me now, will you +not? I should _so_ much like to have them!" + +"And so you shall have them, dear," replied Aunt Henshaw. "It would he +cruel to refuse them after your suffering so much for them. But I never +would have mentioned them had I had any idea of such an unfortunate +result." + +Supposing that it would please me, she got them out of the case and laid +them beside me. They were very pretty, to be sure, but oh! how much +suffering those ear-rings caused me! My poor ears were very sore for a +long time, and I would sit for hours leaning my head on a pillow, in +hopes of easing the pain. And yet, when they were at last well, and the +ear-rings really in, I almost forgot what I had suffered in the delight +I experienced at my supposed transformation. They were the admiration of +the kitchen; and even Aunt Henshaw and Cousin Statia allowed that +ear-rings were a great improvement; and I began to think that on my +return home they would even throw Ellen Tracy's curls into the shade. + +The summer was passing away--harvest had come and gone; and while the +others were engaged during this busy season, I was to be seen perched on +every load of hay, from which I had of course two or three tumbles, but +always on some pile beneath. The kittens had grown large and awkward, +and consequently lost my favor; while the cat no longer put herself to +the trouble of hiding them, so that I could now have them whenever I +chose--coming like most other privileges when no longer desired. The +evenings were getting chilly, so that a fire was very acceptable; and I +loved to sit by the bright flame before the candles were brought in, and +listen to Aunt Henshaw's stories. + +"Now," said I one evening when we had all comfortably arranged ourselves +to spend the twilight in doing nothing, "do tell me a very interesting +story, Aunt Henshaw--for you know that I am going home soon, and perhaps +it is the last that I shall hear." + +"Well," said she with a smile, "if it is to be so very interesting, I +must think very hard first." + +Cousin Statia had been looking towards the door, when she suddenly +inquired: "Did you ever tell her about the bullet hole?" + +"Why, no," replied the old lady, "I do not believe I ever did. Have you +noticed the round hole in the front door, Amy?" + +I replied in the negative; and taking me into the hall, she led the way +to the front door which opened in two parts, and in the upper half I +distinctly perceived a bullet hole which had been made by the British; +and it was the story attached to this very hole which she was about to +tell me. + +"Well, one night," said she, "a long while ago, I sat by the fire with +the baby in my arms, while the other children were playing around. The +two women servants were in the kitchen, and Mr. Henshaw had taken the +men several miles off, on some business relating to the farm. It was +just about this time, before the candles were lit; and one of the women +came in to tell me that five British soldiers were approaching the +house. + +"Fasten all the doors then," said I, "and let no one enter unless I +give you permission." + +The doors were well fastened up, and before long I heard them knocking +with the ends of their muskets. I let them knock for some time; but at +length I raised an upper window, and asked them what they wanted. + +"We want some supper," they replied, "and will probably stay all night." + +"It is not in my power to accommodate you." I replied, as coolly as +possible, "nor do I feel willing to admit any visitors in the absence of +my husband." + +"If you do not admit us soon we will break the door down!" they +exclaimed. + +"Of that I am not much afraid," said I; "it is too well secured." + +I withdrew from the window, and for half an hour they tried various +means of effecting an entrance, but it was impossible. I approached the +window again, and they called out: "If you do not have the door opened, +we shall certainly fire!" + +"Do so," I replied; "there is no one to injure by it except helpless +women and children." + +I did not suppose they would do it--I thought it was intended only for +a threat; and was therefore as much surprised as any of the others, when +a bullet came whizzing through the front door, and passing through a +pane of glass in an opposite window, fell into the yard. A dreadful +scream arose from the servants, and perhaps frightened for the effects, +or perceiving my husband and the men, they made a hasty retreat; and I +was just ready to sink from fright when Mr. Henshaw came in. He told me +never to stop up the bullet-hole, but to leave it to show what women +were made of in the Revolution. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +Cousin Statia had completed her winter's knitting, Aunt Henshaw began to +make pumpkin pies, and the period of my visit was rapidly drawing to a +close. The letters from home grew more and more solicitous for my +return, and at last the day was fixed. I felt anxious to see them all +again, and yet rather sorry to lay aside my present state of freedom. I +had quite escaped from leading-strings, and found it very pleasant to +follow the bent of my inclination as I had done at Aunt Henshaw's; but +absence had banished all memory of the thorns I had sometimes +encountered in my career at home, and I thought only of the roses--the +idea of change being also a great inducement. + +Holly and I had passed whole afternoons in gathering hazel-nuts which +grew near a fence not far from the house; and having filled a very +respectable-sized bag with them, I felt quite impatient at the idea of +returning home well-laden with supplies, like any prudent housekeeper. +Aunt Henshaw was to accompany me, and selecting some of her choicest +produce, and an immense bunch of herbs, as antidotes for all the aches +and ills which human flesh is heir to, on a bright, glowing September +morning, we set forward on my homeward journey. "Blessings brighten as +they leave us;" and although I had been considered the torment of the +whole household, all regretted my departure, and begged me to come soon +again. + +"Now, Miss Amy," said Sylvia, as I was taking a long private farewell in +the kitchen, "jest take a piece of advice from an old colored woman what +has lived longer in the world than you have, and roasted chickens and +fried sassages ever sense she can remember. Buckwheat cakes is very +good, but to keep your own counsel is a heap better--so when you go home +don't you go to telling about that ere pig-pen business, or the time +when the old hen flewed at you, or tumbling off the old horse. People +that don't say nothin' often gits credit for bein' quite sensible, and +p'raps you can deceive 'em too; for you'll be kind o' made a fuss with +when you fust get home, and if you don't let on about all these here +scrapes they'll think more of you." + +Sylvia's advice struck me as being very sensible, and I therefore +resolved to act upon it, and endeavor to make them consider me quite a +different character from the hoyden Amy. I kissed Cousin Statia, who +took up her sewing as calmly as though nothing of any importance was +about to occur; and having delighted Holly's eyes with a bright ribbon +in which all the colors of the rainbow seemed combined, I presented +Sylvia with a collar worked by myself, and passed out to the stage, +which was waiting for us. Our journey home was quite an uneventful one; +and the wind being more favorable, we were not so long on the passage. + +My parents were watching for us with anxious solicitude; but when the +door opened in bounded a wild, blooming hoyden, in whose sparkling eyes +and glowing cheeks they could detect no trace of the delicate invalid. +Henry and Fred, with a troop of younger brothers, stood ready to devour +me with kisses; but Mammy, rushing impulsively forward, pushed them all +aside, and cried and laughed over me alternately, while she almost +crushed me with the violence of her affection. Before I was well seated, +Fred spied out the bag of hazel-nuts; and a vigorous sound of cracking +informed me that the work of devastation had already commenced. + +How they all stared at my ear-rings! But mamma turned pale and burst +into tears; while I stood still, feeling very uncomfortable, and yet not +being exactly aware of the manner in which I had displeased her. Aunt +Henshaw, however, with a minute accuracy that struck me as being +painfully correct, related every circumstance connected with that +unfortunate business, from her finding me extended on the bed to the +time when the rings were placed in my ears. + +"Oh Amy! how could you!" exclaimed my mother; "I have always despised +the barbarous practice of making holes in the flesh for the sake of +ornament," she continued, "but to have them pierced by an ignorant +colored woman! Come here, child, and let me look at your ears. They are +completely spoiled!" she exclaimed, "the holes are one-sided, and close +to the very bone! What is to be done?" + +Aunt Henshaw suggested that it would be better to let those grow up, and +have others made in the right place; but I still retained a vivid +recollection of that scene of torture, and did not therefore feel +willing to have it repeated. But the ear-rings must come out--they were +no ornament all one-sided; so they were laid away in cotton, while I had +the pleasure of reflecting on the suffering I had endured for nothing. +Being thus brought down at the very commencement of my attempt to be +sensible, and finding it less trouble to resume my natural character, I +concluded to disregard Sylvia's well-meant advice. I was very poor at +keeping a secret; so one by one all the scrapes in which I had figured +came to light, to the great horror of the others, and the delight of +Fred, who was quite pleased to discover a congenial soul. + +Mammy at length seized upon me again, and carrying me almost by force +to the nursery, she locked the door and sat down beside me; determined, +as she said, to have me to herself for a while. Having requested an +account of all the adventures I had met with, she listened with the most +absorbed attention while I unfolded the various circumstances of my +visit. Mammy was sometimes amused, sometimes frightened, and often +shocked, but generally for the dignity of the family; for as I had been +its representative, she feared that it would suffer in the eyes of the +country people. + +Time passed on; Aunt Henshaw returned home, and things proceeded in +their usual way. My vanity was flattered by the increased attention +which I met with on all sides; my parents appeared to consider me much +less of a child since my return, and I was in consequence almost +emancipated from the nursery; while Mammy and Jane no longer chided me +for my misdemeanors--which, to say the truth, were much less frequent +than formerly. + +But I soon after experienced a great source of regret in the departure +of Ellen Tracy for boarding-school. Not being an only daughter like +myself, her parents could better spare her; but we were almost +inconsolable at parting, and having shed abundance of tears, presented +each other with keepsakes as mementos of our unchanging friendship. Hers +was a little china cup, which I have kept to this day, while I gave her +a ring made of my own hair; so that, for want of Ellen's company, I was +obliged to take up with her brother's; and the boys complained that I +kept Charles so much to myself it was impossible to make him join any of +their excursions. + +It was my twelfth birthday; and on the evening of that day I feared that +Mammy's oft-repeated threat of leaving us, at which we had so often +trembled in our younger days, was about to be verified. A married sister +was taken very ill, and Mammy was immediately sent for to take care of +her; and indeed we were afraid that she would be obliged to stay there +altogether, on account of her nephews and nieces. How dreary the nursery +seemed after her departure! In vain did the good-natured Jane exert +herself to tell her most amusing stories; they had lost their interest; +and yielding to her feelings, she became at length as dull as any of us. + +In about a week Mammy returned; but we could see that she was changed; +her sister had died and left five children but illy provided for. +Through the influence of my father, different situations were obtained +for the three eldest; while the old nurse, with the assistance of +occasional charity, supported the two younger ones. But Mammy had +suffered from sleepless nights, and rooms but illy warmed; and her own +health failed during her ceaseless watch by the bedside of her sister. +We did not know exactly what it was, but felt very sure that Mammy +seemed no longer like the same person. + +Children who are kept at a distance by their parents and elders, often +have very queer thoughts, whose existence no one imagines. I do not +think I was an ordinary child; and notwithstanding my hoyden nature had +a very thoughtful turn of mind. I well recollect, on being once sent +early to bed for some misdemeanor I bribed my brother Fred to accompany +me; and waking up during the night, the saying that "he who goes to bed +in anger has the devil for his bed-fellow" came across my mind, and +impressed me so strongly that I caught hold of Fred's foot to ascertain +whether it was so disagreeable a guest, or my own madcap brother who was +lying beside me. Even the kick I received in return was rather welcome +than otherwise, as it proved beyond a doubt that it was really the +veritable Fred. + +But what has this to do with Mammy? you ask. A great deal, I can assure +you; for I began to fear that it was not the old nurse who had returned +to us, but some strange being, who, having assumed her appearance, had +not been able altogether to imitate her manner. So I kept myself aloof, +and felt afraid to venture too close; but she grew thinner and paler, +and my mother relieved her from all care of the children. + +I slept in a small closet that opened into the nursery; and calling me +very softly one night, she said, "Miss Amy, will you bring me a pitcher +of water? I know they would not let me have it," she continued as I +attempted to remonstrate with her, "but I am determined not to die +choking." + +I was very much frightened, but I could not see her suffer with thirst; +and bringing her a large pitcher of water, she drank almost half of it +at once. "Now place it on a chair where I can reach it," said she, "and +go back to bed--I shall be better soon." + +I did as she requested, and, childlike, soon fell asleep again. The old +nurse too slept--but hers was the sleep that knows no waking. They came +in the next morning and found her dead. Her features were peaceful as +though she had died calmly, and beside her stood the pitcher empty. She +always said that if she should ever be ill, she _would_ have water--she +would drink till she died, and she had literally done so. We all felt +very sad, and Fred broke forth into loud screams, on being told of her +death. + +It was my first realization of death--the first corpse I had ever seen; +and as I knelt beside the coffin, where the pale hands that lay +cross-folded on the breast, the motionless features, and the dreadful +stillness of the whole figure, spoke eloquently of the change that had +taken place, I thought of my many acts of wilfulness, ingratitude, and +unkindness, which had often pained the loving heart that had now forever +ceased to beat. Could I but see those still features again animated with +life, I felt that never again would my tongue utter aught but words of +kindness; but it was now too late for amendment--there was nothing left +me but repentance. + +My parents too grieved at her death; she had been in the family so long +that they were loathe to miss the old familiar face from its post in the +nursery. She was buried from our own house; and there were more true +mourners at her funeral than often fall to the lot of the great and +gifted. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +"Papa, have you any relations?" I asked one evening rather suddenly, +after pondering over the subject and wondering why it was that our +family consisted of no one but papa, and mamma, and us children; while +other people always had aunts, or uncles, or cousins living with them. +We had plenty, to be sure, who came and made visits at different times; +but I meant some one to live with us altogether. + +"What a curious question!" said my father, smiling, "And how suddenly +you bolted out with it, Amy, after at least half an hour's silence. You +must have thought deeply on the subject, but what put it into your head +just now?" + +Not knowing exactly what to say, I wisely remained silent; and turning +to my mother, he continued in a low tone: "Do you know that this random +question of Amy's has awakened some not very welcome reminiscences, and +pointed out a line of duty which does not promise much pleasure beyond +the consciousness of doing right? I ought to invite an addition to the +family without delay." + +"Are you joking, or in earnest?" inquired my mother, "And if in earnest, +pray whom do you refer to?" + +"You will soon find it to be most solid, substantial earnest," rejoined +my father, "for I must this very evening write a letter to Mrs. +Chesbury, senior, the step-mother of whom you have heard me speak, +inviting her to spend the summer with us. She has, you know, resided at +the South since my father's death, occasionally visiting her relatives +at the North; and as we have never yet been honored with her company, +that pleasure is still in store for us. My recollections of her, to be +sure, are not so very delightful. She was very severe in her discipline, +and continually checked my pleasures and enjoyments, which she usually +exchanged for some long, heavy, incomprehensible task; and at the first +blunder in recitation, off came her shoe, which she immediately laid +across my shoulders with the most unremitting zeal. I recollect her +whipping me one day when it really appeared to me that I had not been in +the least to blame. I was quite a little fellow then, and drawing my +hand across my eyes, I sobbed forth: 'I wish one of us in this room was +dead, I do--I don't wish it was me--and I don't wish it was the +cat--' Whatever I had intended to add was suddenly cut short; and I began +to think that it was rather foolish of me to subject myself to two +whippings instead of one. I have quite escaped from leading-strings +now," added my father with an expressive look; but the old lady may be +of considerable assistance in keeping you young ones in order. + +The children looked frightened; and Fred, being now too old to dread any +whippings on his own account, kindly undertook the instruction of his +younger brothers in the art of being saucy and playing practical jokes. +We were told to call her "grandmother," and treat her with the greatest +respect; but as I dwelt upon my father's account of her, like the +magician in olden story, I almost trembled at the visitor I had invoked. +The letter was written and despatched; and after a while, an answering +one received, in which the step-mother accepted her son-in-law's +invitation, "for the sake," as she said, "of the many happy hours they +had formerly enjoyed together." I sat reading in a distant corner of the +room when this letter was received, almost concealed by the folds of the +curtains; and the other children being out of the room, I overheard my +father say: + +"I do not remember much else but being whipped, and sent supperless to +bed; if they _were_ happy hours, it must have been on the principle of +the frogs--'What is play to you is death to us.'" + +My mother smiled; but she replied softly: "Perhaps she is changed now, +Arthur; do not say anything against her before the children, for she is +a stranger, entitled to our hospitality--and I would not have her +welcome a chilling one." + +In process of time the old lady arrived, accompanied by a colored +servant who answered to the name of Venus. Fred christened her "the +black divinity," at which she became highly offended; and ever after, +there was a perpetual war of words waging between the two. My +grandmother was a small, dark-complexioned woman, with an exceedingly +haughty, and very repulsive expression. She received all her +daughter-in-law's endeavors to make her feel at home as a natural right; +and appeared to consider other people intended only for her sole use and +benefit. As I glanced from her to my mother's fair, soft beauty, and +strikingly sweet expression, I formed a comparison between the two not +much to my grandmother's advantage. + +We soon found that the old lady had a great idea of taking the reins +into her own hands; the children were scolded, and threatened, and +locked up in dark closets, until, to use their own expression, they +became, most "dreadfully good," and never dared to show off under the +espionage of those eagle eyes. During the summer, our parents were +absent for some weeks on a pleasure jaunt; and Grandmother Chesbury +having the entire control of us, we were obliged to behave very +differently from usual. She kept us all in awe except Fred; but on him +it was impossible to make the least impression. If she tyrannized over +the rest us, it was abundantly repaid by the teazings of my mischievous +brother. + +The old lady was extremely violent in temper, and after irritating it to +the highest pitch, or, as he termed it, "putting on the steam," he +provoked her still more by his polite sarcasms and tantalizing replies. +The object of contest between them was generally the last word in the +argument; and when victory appeared to incline neither to one side nor +the other, my grandmother would exclaim angrily: "Hold your tongue this +moment, you impertinent boy! Not another word." + +"Yes'm," Fred would reply, with every appearance of submission. + +Having triumphed up stairs, he generally went in search of Venus, whose +anger was almost as vehement as that of her mistress. Her time, when not +attending to Mrs. Chesbury, was chiefly occupied by the duties of the +toilet; and Jane asserted that she had anxiously inquired if there were +no respectable colored gentlemen about the place? Venus always bestowed +a great deal of pains on the arrangement of her head covering, which was +profusely decorated with combs of various shapes and sizes; but "thereby +hangs a tale" which must be told. + +Good beef is very scarce at the South, and Southerners therefore +consider it a great treat when they come North. My grandmother was very +fond of it frizzled; and Venus being quite _au fait_ in the manufacture +of this dish, the old lady never allowed any one else to make it for +her. One afternoon, during my parents' absence, the children being +disposed of in various ways--some had gone out for a walk, two were +playing together in a closet where they had been locked up, and others +were rambling about the grounds--the house was pretty clear; so my +grandmother resolved to enjoy a treat in her own apartment. A small +table was nicely laid out with all the requisites for a comfortable tea, +and Venus then departed to the kitchen to dish up some frizzled beef. + +But it so happened that the odor of the savory dish, in its passage up +stairs, found its way to the nostrils of Master Fred, who had been +quietly engaged in some wonderfully wise researches in the library; and +as even philosophers are not exempt from the earth-born love of good +things, out rushed our student with a polite request that Venus would +"allow him to taste the trash, and see if it was fit to be sent to Mrs. +Chesbury." A scuffle ensued, in which Fred succeeded in satisfying his +curiosity; and with considerably ruffled plumage, and not in the +sweetest state of mind, Venus proceeded up stairs. Fred slyly followed; +and peeping through the key-hole of a door that opened into my +grandmother's room, he determined to watch the progress of the feast. +Things looked very tempting, and he had half a mind to petition for a +seat at the table; but he began to think that, even should he succeed in +his request, a _seat_ would be all he could gain; for the old lady +attacked the eatables very much in the style of a school-boy just come +home for the holidays. The frizzled beef rapidly disappeared, till the +bottom of the dish was scarcely covered; but suddenly ceasing her +attacks upon it, my grandmother took the dish in her hand, and pointing +to some black substance, interrogated the colored girl in accents of +mingled doubt and horror. + +"Why Venus, come here! What--what--what _is_ this?" + +"Why, la, Missus!" exclaimed Venus, while every feature brightened with +joyful surprise, "If there ain't my little comb, what I lost in the +scuffle with Master Fred! Who would have thought to find it here!" + +"Who, indeed!" ejaculated the old lady, in a voice scarcely audible. + +My grandmother did not leave her room that evening, and we were told +that she was ill; while it is scarcely necessary to add that Fred never +again interfered with any of Venus' cookeries. When repeating the story, +he always dwelt upon the ridiculous tableau presented by the horrified +looks of the old lady, as she pointed to the suspicious-looking +article--and the delight and surprise of Venus at recovering her lost +property in such an unexpected manner. He possessed a great talent for +drawing; and before long, a caricature appeared, which was a most +life-like representation of the whole scene. My mother shook her head, +and my father delivered a short, but expressive lecture upon the +improper nature of mimicry; but in the midst of an edifying discourse +Fred suddenly displayed the drawing in full view--at which all the +children burst into peals of laughter, and my father abruptly closed his +sermon, and frowning sternly, walked into the library; but we could +perceive a nervous twitching about the corners of his mouth, which +looked very much at variance with the frown upon his brow. + +My mother too, fixed her eyes steadfastly upon her sewing, and refused +to look up; which Fred saucily told her was only because she knew she +would laugh if she did. We were then told that we had been naughty +children, and sent out of the room; but somehow, we did not feel as +though we had been _very_ bad, or that our parents were very angry with +us, and skipping along through the garden-walks, we next sent Jane +almost into convulsions of laughter by a display of the picture. Mamma, +however, burned it before long; she said that it was highly improper to +ridicule our grandmother, even if she _had_ faults, and that we must +bear with her kindly, and not forget how few pleasures she enjoyed. Dear +mamma! she was too kind--too good; and often met with the fate of +such--imposition. + +I once heard of a lady who went to a house to make a call, and stayed +eleven years; this was somewhat similar to my grandmother's case--she +came to pass the summer with us, and spent her life-time. Whenever she +spoke of going back to the South, my father urged her to stay, and gave +convincing reasons why she should prolong her visit; and my mother, too, +kindly reflecting that the old lady had no near relatives and seemed to +enjoy herself with us, added her entreaties. At last they told her that +there was no reason why she should not stay altogether; and she appeared +to think so too, for she stayed. As we grew more accustomed to her we +liked her better than at first; she told us long stories about the +South, and related anecdotes of the greatness, and wealth, and +distinguished position of her own family, which she considered superior +to any in the United States. Venus too came into more favor; and after a +while we almost forgot the beef story. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + +Time passed on; I had almost reached my fifteenth birthday, and began +to consider myself no longer a child. I was very tall for my age, and +quite showy-looking; and gentlemen who visited at the house now treated +me with all the attention due a young lady; which flattered my vanity +very much, and made me think them very agreeable. I remember my father's +once sending me from the room, on account of some gentleman's nonsense +which he considered me too young to listen to; but I felt very much hurt +at such treatment, and almost regarded myself as some heroine of romance +imprisoned by cruel parents. Novels were a great injury to me, as indeed +they are to every one. Their style was much more extravagant and +unnatural than at the present day; and even at this early age, I had +read the "Children of the Abbey," the "Mysteries of Udolpho," the +"Scottish Chiefs," "Thaddeus of Warsaw," and many others of the same +stamp. + +But how did I obtain these, you ask? My mother, with her sense and +discernment, would not have placed such books in my hands; and you are +right. My grandmother was an inveterate novel-reader, but very careful +that her books fell into no other hands; so that the only means of +satisfying my taste for romantic reading was by stealth. Although novels +were proscribed, no other books were placed in my hands; there were then +scarcely any children's books published, and consumed as I was by an +inordinate passion for reading, was determined to indulge it without +being very particular about the means. How often have I watched my +opportunity when my grandmother had left her apartment for an afternoon +visit or drive, and then drawn forth the cherished volume from beneath +the pillow and even from between the bed and sacking bottom! so +carefully were they concealed from view. Sometimes, indeed, she locked +the door of her room, and took the key with her; and then all ingress +was impossible. + +What wild, foolish dreams I indulged in!--What romantic-visions of the +future that were never realized! How well I remember my sensations on +reading the "Scottish Chiefs." Wallace appeared to me almost in the +light of a god--so noble, so touching were all his acts and words, that +I even envied Helen Mar the privilege of calling herself his wife, and +then dying to lay her head in the same grave with him. I resolved to +give up all the common-place of life, and cling unto the spiritual--to +purify myself from every earth-born wish and habit, and live but in the +hope of meeting with a second Wallace. I persevered in this resolution +for a whole week; and then meeting with some equally delightful hero of +an opposite nature, I changed from grave to gay. My mood during these +periods of fascination was as variable as the different heroines I +admired. Now I would imitate the pensiveness of Amanda, and go about +with streaming tresses, and a softly modulated tone of voice--then I +would read of some sprightly heroine who changed all by her vivacity +and piquant sayings, and immediately commence springing down three +stairs at a time, teazing all the children, and making some reply to +everything that was said, which sometimes passed for wit but oftener for +impudence--and then again some noble, self-sacrificing character would +excite my admiration, and oh! how I longed for some opportunity to +signalize myself! A bullet aimed at some loved one, whom I could protect +by rushing forward and receiving it myself; but I was not to be killed, +only sufficiently wounded to make me appear interesting--disabled in the +arm, perhaps, without much suffering, for bodily pain never formed a +prominent feature in my ideas of the romantic and striking--I was too +great a coward; or else a plunge into the waves to rescue some drowning +person from perishing, when I wished just to come near enough to death +to elevate me into a heroine for after life. + +I looked in the glass, and seeing large, dark eyes, a healthful bloom, +and rather pretty features, I concluded that I need not belong to the +plain and amiable order, and began to wish most enthusiastically for +some romantic admirer; some one who would expose himself to the danger +of a sore throat and influenza for the sake of serenading me--who would +be rather glad than otherwise to risk his life by jumping down a +precipice to bring me some descried wild flower, and who, when away from +me, would pass his time in writing extravagant poetry, of which I was to +be the bright divinity. Old as I am, I feel almost ashamed to repeat +this nonsense now; and had I then possessed more sense myself, or made +by mother the confidant of these flights of fancy, I need not now relate +my own silly experience to warn you from the effects of novel-reading. + +Charles Tracy did not at all realize my romantic ideas of a hero; and +one bright day the dissatisfaction which had been gradually gathering in +my mind expressed itself in words. I had gone down to a lake at the +bottom of the garden to indulge in high-flown meditations; and Charles +Tracy stood beside one of the boats which were always kept there. + +"Come, Amy," said he, as I drew near, "it is a beautiful day--let us +have a row across the lake." + +"No," said I, twining my arm around one of the young trees near, "I +prefer remaining here." + +"You had better come with me," rejoined Charles, "instead of keeping +company there with the snapping-turtles. Well," he added after a short +pause, "if you will not come with me, why I must go alone." + +"Go, then!" said I, bitterly, "you love your own pleasure a great deal +better than you do me!" + +"Why Amy!" he exclaimed, coming close to me as though doubtful of my +sanity, "how very strangely you talk! You know that I love you very +much," he continued, "for haven't we been together and quarrelled with +each other ever since I can remember? And do I not now bear the marks of +the time when you threw the cat in my face to end our childish dispute? +And the scar where you stuck the pen-knife in my arm? And don't you +remember how you used to pull my hair out by handfuls? How can I help +loving you when I call to mind all these tender recollections?" + +This reply provoked me very much; and I answered energetically: "You do +_not_ love me!--you do not know how to love I When did you ever make any +sacrifices for me?" I continued in an excited manner, "When did I ever +hear you singing beneath my window in a tone meant for no ear but mine? +When did you ever rush with me out of a burning house, or encounter any +danger for my sake? When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at +midnight when all others were asleep?" + +During the progress of this singular speech, Charles Tracy's countenance +had gradually changed from the surprised to the amused; and when I had +concluded he laughed--yes, he actually laughed! What a damper of +sentiment! + +"Laugh on," said I, in a dignified manner, as I turned my steps +homeward, "that has now put an end to all." + +He was but a boy--I, a _woman_, for should I not be fifteen to-morrow? +and I walked away from him in contempt; while he quietly jumped into the +boat and rowed across the lake, whistling a tune. But I had not +proceeded far before a loud "ha! ha!" from my brother Fred sounded close +at my side; he had been an unobserved listener to the whole +conversation, now enjoyed the pleasure of teasing me all the way home. + +"That's right, Amy!" said he, "Keep up your dignity, child. What a rich +scene! _'When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at midnight +when all others were asleep?'_ Rather a hopeless watch, I'm thinking, as +you sleep in the middle room between mother's and the nursery; and +between you and I, Amy, you know that you don't burn a taper, but a +brass lamp; but that, of course, isn't quite so poetical to tell of. +Such an air, too!--what a rare tragic actress you'd make! Do say it +over, won't you? I have almost forgotten the beginning." + +I gave Fred a boxed ear, which must have stung for sometime afterwards; +and running hastily into the house, locked myself up in my own room till +tea-time. The next day was my birthday; and while my table was strewn +with acceptable gifts from all the others, I perceived among them a +very antiquated-looking cap and pair of spectacles, to the latter of +which was attached a slip of paper, on which was written: "To improve +the impaired sight of my dear sister Amy, produced by her declining +years; also a cap to conceal the gray hairs of age, and 'Young's Night +Thoughts' for the edification of her mind." + +I was almost ready to cry from mortification; but I remembered that I +was now fifteen, and took the articles down stairs for the purpose of +exposing Master Fred, but what did I get for my pains? In justification +he told the story of yesterday, in his own peculiarly humorous way; and +when I saw myself thus reflected, the ridiculous tendency of my words +and manner struck me forcibly, and I was almost ready to laugh. But the +others did that abundantly for me, while wondering where I had picked up +such notions; and Grandmother Chesbury, I verily believe, suspected that +I had been at her novels, for after that I never could find one. + +But although I was thus debarred from receiving any new impressions, the +old ones still continued in full force; and at last came the long +desired opportunity to signalize myself. I was then almost sixteen, and +the treaty of peace with England had just been celebrated. I remember +well the illuminations and festivities on the first night of the +proclamation, which we spent in the city at a friend's house; the +balconies were wreathed with flowers, lights blazed from every window, +crowds of beautifully-dressed women filled the rooms, and the sounds of +music and dancing were heard in every street. It was my first evening in +company--my first experience of admiration; and completely carried away +by the music, the lights, and the occasion, the old desire for some +signalizing deed came thronging back in full force, till I grew almost +bewildered. No opportunity offered that night; I could only join in the +festivities, and listen to the feats and praises of others; but towards +the latter part of the evening my eye was attracted by the brilliant +uniform and handsome appearance of a young officer who passed through +the rooms, and lingered a moment in a distant corner among a knot of +friends who crowded eagerly about him. His commanding figure, beautiful +features, and intellectual, yet sweet, expression, completely realized +all my ideas of a novel-hero; I saw my father speaking to him, and +immediately made signs to introduce him, but before I could catch his +eye, the officer had disappeared. Papa told me that Major Arlington's +father had been an old friend of his, and he would have introduced him +to me, but business called him in another direction, and he could not +stay a moment longer, but promised us a visit at an early day. + +You need not smile, Miss Ella, and look so knowing at the mention of the +name; how do you know that there were not two Arlingtons in the world? +How do you know but that it was his brother I married? How do you +know--but never mind, I will go on with my story. It was several days +after that eventful evening, which still left a vivid impression upon my +mind; the desire to perform some wonderful deed remained in full force, +mingled with visions of the young officer, and I wandered about, without +paying much attention to my ordinary duties. Papa and mamma were both +from home, and Grandmother Chesbury had locked herself up with a new +novel; while I was roaming about the grounds not far from the front +entrance. + +A sound of wheels suddenly struck upon my ear; I supposed it was some +visitor and paid not much attention to it; but before long there was a +confused noise of voices--a sound of plunging and rearing--and a +distinct crashing of some heavy vehicle. My evil genius led me to the +spot; I beheld a handsome carriage, which the horses seemed striving to +dash in pieces--caught a glimpse of a glittering uniform inside--and +following a wild impulse, sprang forward and endeavored to seize the +bridle. I heard some one say, "Take care of the young lady!" and then +the officer jumped from the carriage, while I was thrown down close to +the horses' feet. A confused hum sounded in my ears--and then followed a +long blank. + + * * * * * + +When I awoke to consciousness I found myself lying on a sofa in a small +sitting-room; but no one was bending tenderly over me--not even a +mother's face met my eyes--but the gossip of two women servants grated +painfully on my ear. + +"What under the sun possessed Miss Amy to go and cut up such a caper as +that!" said one of them, "All the mischief she's done this day won't be +done away with for weeks to come." + +"No, indeed!" rejoined the other, "that young officer is a fixture here +for six weeks at least. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor are broken legs +healed in ten minutes--and such a beauty as he is, too! It's shameful to +think of!" + +"If she'd only let him alone, he'd done well enough--but she must go and +jump right under the horses' feet, so that, of course, he had to spring +out to prevent her being killed, and that broke his leg, while she +wasn't hurt a bit. Speaking of beauties, if Miss Amy could only have +seen herself then!--spotted with mud from head to foot, and her hair +flying in all directions!" + +On hearing that I was not hurt, I sprang from the sofa and rushed to the +glass, where I encountered the reflection of a most pitiable-looking +figure. Even my face was daubed with mud and dirt, and I looked like a +veritable fright. Shame, mortification, and sorrow for my heedless +conduct almost overwhelmed me. In the selfish desire to signalize +myself, I had hazarded the life of a fellow-being, and brought upon him +weeks of suffering which no act of mine could now alleviate. The tears +rolled down my cheeks; but having ascertained that my parents had not +yet returned, I cut short the gossip of the servants, and ordering them +to bring me some water, I arranged my disordered dress for a visit to +the sufferer's apartment. + +Doctor Irwin had been instantly sent for; and when I entered the room, +he was seated by his patient's bedside, while Major Arlington lay with +closed eyes and pallid features in a kind of sleep or stupor. + +"Miss Amy," whispered the doctor, "this is a sad business--and your +parents from home, too. What will be their feelings on their return?" + +I glanced at the motionless figure of the young officer, and too much +ashamed to reply, hung my head in silence. + +"Are you sure that you were not at all hurt, my dear child?" he +continued in a kind tone; "What a very wild proceeding it was to throw +yourself into the melĂ©e! If two men could not manage the horses, could +you suppose that your strength would be sufficient. You should have +reasoned with yourself before taking such a step, for you see the +unfortunate effects of it." + +_Reason!_ there was not the least particle of reason in my whole +composition; this was a wild, impulsive act, performed without the least +thought for the probable consequences, and I now stood gazing on the +wreck I had made, in silent bewilderment. My parents soon returned; and +hurrying to the apartment with countenances of astonishment and fear, +there realized a confirmation of the dreadful accounts they had been +assailed with. "And who was the author of all this mischief? _Amy_." My +eyes drooped under the stern, reproving glances I encountered, and I +crept about the house like a guilty thing--fervently wishing for the +bodily suffering I had brought upon the victim of my wild attempt, +instead of the pain of mind with which I was tormented. + +Days passed on, but the lapse of time was unheeded by me; my post was by +the bedside of the sufferer--my employment to anticipate his slightest +wish, and yield to every humor. As he grew better I read to him, sung to +him, talked to him; and in return received the grateful glances of those +expressive eyes, which followed me about whenever I moved from his side. +At length he could sit up in his apartment, and then walk slowly through +the grounds, with the assistance of a heavy cane on one side and my arm +on the other; till at last he was pronounced to be as well as other +people; or, as Dr. Irwin expressed it, "as good as new." Your eyes are +brightening up, Ella, in anticipation of a most sentimental love-tale; +but I shall not gratify your desire of laughing at your grandmother's +folly; but shall only say, that before he left, I had promised, with the +consent of my parents, to become Mrs. Arlington. I was married at +eighteen, and, strange to say, to one who appeared a realization of all +my girlish fancies; he was noble-minded, warm-hearted, and almost as +enthusiastic as myself--with a sweetness of temper which I have never +seen raffled, except by some act of injustice or cruelty. + +But do not flatter yourself, Ella, that life glided on with me like the +pages of a romance; I was obliged to lay aside a great many silly +theories which I had indulged in, and come to plain reality much oftener +than suited my inclination. A _perfect_ person is not to be found upon +earth; when disposed to murmur at not meeting with the sacrifices you +expect, ask yourself if you would be willing to make these sacrifices +for another--and then be not surprised that others are not more free +from the dross of self-consideration than you are. Also, do not suppose +that it was my hair-brained performance at our first meeting which +attracted my husband's affections; no, often has the color mounted to my +face at his reference to that scene, and his own impressions then. + +"You reminded me, Amy," he would say, laughing, "of some reckless sprite +from the kingdom of misrule, who had flown into the scene, determined to +make all the trouble she could. It was very chivalrous of you, to be +sure, and I ought to be very grateful--but I must own that I felt +exceedingly provoked at being obliged to risk my life by springing out +to rescue you from the horses' hoofs. But never mind, _chere amie_" he +would add as he saw the hot tears starting to my eyes, while face, neck, +and brow, were suffused with the hue of mortification, "there was an +after-page in the sick-room, when I beheld, with surprise, my crazy +heroine transformed into the demure, and gentle nurse, and learned to +distinguish a soft-toned voice, which always lingered in my ears like +pleasant music; so that after all, I am really indebted to you, Amy, for +making me break my leg--for, if you had not done so, I am afraid I never +should have discovered my jewel of a wife." + +So much for my romance; but the scene generally ended with the kiss of +reconciliation, and I, too, learned to smile at my act of girlish folly. + +"My tale is told; my parents have long slept beside each other, where the +long grass waves over them--my elder brothers are still living--my +brother Henry is a beloved and venerated clergyman in one of our large +cities--while the wild, hair-brained Fred became a talented lawyer in +the same place where he is universally respected. The rest of my +brothers are all dead; and we three only survive out of a family of +nine. Perhaps at some future time I may give you an account of my +residence in England; but I must now conclude my adventures for the +present." + +Here ended my grandmother's history, which had afforded us many evenings +of amusement. We were both surprised and pleased at her frankness in +speaking of her faults and mischievous acts; and could indeed hardly +comprehend that the very sensible, dignified lady before us had ever +been such an odd, harum-scarum sort of character--yet so it was, and she +had kindly related her own experience for our improvement. The last +chapter was intended more especially for my own particular edification; +but we all laughed heartily at my grandmother's ideas of signalizing +herself. That room is to us a charmed spot; and we look forward most +anxiously to the time when she is to begin an account of her life in +England. + + +THE END + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Grandmother's Recollections, by Ella Rodman + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11427 *** diff --git a/11427-8.txt b/11427-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0217f17 --- /dev/null +++ b/11427-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4478 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Grandmother's Recollections, by Ella Rodman + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Grandmother's Recollections + +Author: Ella Rodman + +Release Date: March 3, 2004 [EBook #11427] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS *** + + + + +Produced by Internet Archive; University of Florida, Children, Amy +Petri and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS. + +BY ELLA RODMAN. + + +1851. + + +A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +The best bed-chamber, with its hangings of crimson moreen, was opened +and aired--a performance which always caused my eight little brothers +and sisters to place themselves in convenient positions for being +stumbled over, to the great annoyance of industrious damsels, who, armed +with broom and duster, endeavored to render their reign as arbitrary as +it was short. For some time past, the nursery-maids had invariably +silenced refractory children with "Fie, Miss Matilda! Your grandmother +will make you behave yourself--_she_ won't allow such doings, I'll be +bound!" or "Aren't you ashamed of yourself, Master Clarence? What will +your grandmother say to that!" The nursery was in a state of uproar on +the day of my venerable relative's arrival; for the children almost +expected to see, in their grandmother, an ogress, both in features and +disposition. + +My mother was the eldest of two children, and my grandmother, from the +period of my infancy, had resided in England with her youngest daughter; +and we were now all employed in wondering what sort of a person our +relative might be. Mamma informed us that the old lady was extremely +dignified, and exacted respect and attention from all around; she also +hinted, at the same time, that it would be well for me to lay aside a +little of my self-sufficiency, and accommodate myself to the humors of +my grandmother. This to me!--to _me_, whose temper was so inflammable +that the least inadvertent touch was sufficient to set it in a blaze--it +was too much! So, like a well-disposed young lady, I very properly +resolved that _mine_ should not be the arm to support the venerable Mrs. +Arlington in her daily walks; that should the children playfully +ornament the cushion of her easy-chair with pins, _I_ would not turn +informant; and should a conspiracy be on foot to burn the old lady's +best wig, I entertained serious thoughts of helping along myself. + +In the meantime, like all selfish persons, I considered what demeanor I +should assume, in order to impress my grandmother with a conviction of +my own consequence. Of course, dignified and unbending I _would_ be; but +what if she chose to consider me a child, and treat me accordingly? The +idea was agonizing to my feelings; but then I proudly surveyed my five +feet two inches of height, and wondered how I could have thought of such +a thing! Still I had sense enough to know that such a supposition would +never have entered my head, had there not been sufficient grounds for +it; and, with no small trepidation, I prepared for my first appearance. + +It went off as first appearances generally do. I _was_ to have been +seated in an attitude of great elegance, with my eyes fixed on the pages +of some wonderfully wise book, but my thoughts anywhere but in company +with my eyes; while, to give more dignity to a girlish figure, my hair +was to be turned up on the very top of my head with a huge shell comb, +borrowed for the occasion from mamma's drawer. Upon my grandmother's +entrance, I intended to rise and make her a very stiff courtesy, and +then deliver a series of womanish remarks. This, I say, _was_ to have +been my first appearance--but alas! fate ordered otherwise. I was caught +by my dignified relative indulging in a game of romps upon the balcony +with two or three little sisters in pinafores and pantalettes--myself as +much a child as any of them. My grandmother came rather suddenly upon me +as, with my long hair floating in wild confusion, I stooped to pick up +my comb; and while in this ungraceful position, one of the little +urchins playfully climbed upon my back, while the others held me down. +My three little sisters had never appeared to such disadvantage in my +eyes, as they did at the present moment; in vain I tried to shake them +off--they only clung the closer, from fright, on being told of their +grandmother's arrival. + +At length, with crimsoned cheeks, and the hot tears starting to my eyes, +I rose and received, rather than returned the offered embrace, and found +myself in the capacious arms of one whom I should have taken for an old +dowager duchess. On glancing at my grandmother's portly figure and +consequential air, I experienced the uncomfortable sensation of utter +insignificance--I encountered the gaze of those full, piercing eyes, and +felt that I was conquered. Still I resolved to make some struggles for +my dignity yet, and not submit until defeat was no longer doubtful. +People in talking of "unrequited affection," speak of "the knell of +departed hopes," but no knell could sound more dreadful to the +ears of a girl in her teens--trembling for her scarcely-fledged +young-lady-hood--than did the voice of my grandmother, (and it was by no +means low), as she remarked: + +"So this is Ella. Why, how the child has altered! I remember her only as +a little, screaming baby, that was forever holding its breath with +passion till it became black in the face. Many a thumping have I given +you, child, to make you come to, and sometimes I doubted if your face +ever would be straight again. Even now it can hardly be said to belong +to the meek and amiable order." + +Here my grandmother drew forth her gold spectacles from a +richly-ornamented case, and deliberately scanned my indignant features, +while she observed: "Not much of the Bredforth style--quite an +Arlington." I drew myself up with all the offended dignity of sixteen, +but it was of no use; my grandmother turned me round, in much the same +manner that the giant might have been supposed to handle Tom Thumb, and +surveyed me from top to toe. + +I was unable to discover the effect of her investigation, but I +immediately became convinced that my grandmother's opinion was one of +the greatest importance. She possessed that indescribable kind of manner +which places you under the conviction that you are continually doing, +saying, or thinking something wrong; and which makes you humbly obliged +to such a person for coinciding in any of your opinions. Instead of the +dignified part I had expected to play, I looked very like a naughty +child that has just been taken out of its corner. The impression left +upon my mind by my grandmother's appearance will never be effaced; her +whole _tout ensemble_ was peculiarly striking, with full dark eyes, +high Roman nose, mouth of great beauty and firmness of expression, and +teeth whose splendor I have never seen equalled--although she was then +past her fiftieth year. Add to this a tall, well-proportioned figure, +and a certain air of authority, and my grandmother stands before you. + +As time somewhat diminished our awe, we gained the _entrée_ of my +grandmother's apartment, and even ventured to express our curiosity +respecting the contents of various trunks, parcels, and curious-looking +boxes. To children, there is no greater pleasure than being permitted to +look over and arrange the articles contained in certain carefully-locked +up drawers, unopened boxes, and old-fashioned chests; stray jewels from +broken rings--two or three beads of a necklace--a sleeve or breadth of +somebody's wedding dress--locks of hair--gifts of schoolgirl +friendships--and all those little mementoes of the past, that lie +neglected and forgotten till a search after some mislaid article brings +them again to our view, and excites a burst of feeling that causes us to +look sadly back upon the long vista of departed years, with their +withered hopes, never-realized expectations, and fresh, joyous tone, +seared by disappointment and worldly wisdom. The reward of patient toil +and deep-laid schemes yields not half the pleasure that did the little +Indian cabinet, (which always stood so provokingly locked, and just +within reach), when during a period of convalescence, we were permitted +to examine its recesses--when floods of sunlight danced upon the wall of +the darkened room towards the close of day, and every one seemed _so_ +kind! + +My grandmother indulged our curiosity to the utmost; now a pair of +diamond ear-pendants would appear among the soft folds of perfumed +cotton, and flash and glow with all the brilliancy of former days--now a +rich brocaded petticoat called up phantoms of the past, when ladies wore +high-heeled shoes, and waists of no size at all--and gentlemen felt +magnificently attired in powdered curls and cues, and as many ruffles as +would fill a modern dressing gown. There were also fairy slippers, +curiously embroidered, with neatly covered heels; and anxious to adorn +myself with these relics of the olden time I attempted to draw one on. +But like the renowned glass-slipper, it would fit none but the owner, +and I found myself in the same predicament as Cinderella's sisters. In +vain I tugged and pulled; the more I tried, the more it wouldn't go +on--and my grandmother remarked with a sigh, that "people's feet were +not as small as they were in old times." I panted with vexation; for I +had always been proud of my foot, and now put it forward that my +grandmother might see how small it was. But no well-timed compliment +soothed my irritated feelings; and more dissatisfied with myself than +ever, I pursued my investigations. + +My grandmother, as if talking to herself, murmured: "How little do we +know, when we set out in life, of the many disappointments before us! +How little can we deem that the heart which then is ours will change +with the fleeting sunshine! It is fearful to have the love of a +life-time thrown back as a worthless thing!" + +"Fearful!" I chimed in. "Death were preferable!" + +"You little goose!" exclaimed my grandmother, as she looked me full in +the face, "What can _you_ possibly know about the matter?" + +I had nothing to do but bury my head down low in the trunk I was +exploring; it was my last attempt at sentiment. My grandmother took +occasion to give me some very good advice with respect to the behavior +of hardly-grown girls; she remarked that they should be careful not to +engross the conversation, and also, that quiet people were always more +interesting than loud talkers. I resolved to try my utmost to be quiet +and interesting, though at the same time it did occur to me as a little +strange that, being so great an admirer of the species, she was not +quiet and interesting herself. But being quiet was not my grandmother's +forte; and it is generally understood that people always admire what +they are not, or have not themselves. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +The old lady also possessed rather strict ideas of the respect and +deference due to parents and elders; and poor mamma, whose authority did +not stand very high, felt considerable relief in consequence of our, +(or, as I am tempted to say, _the children's_) improved behavior. I +remember being rather startled myself one day, when one of the +before-mentioned little sisters commenced a system of teazing for some +forbidden article. + +"Mother, mother,--can't I have that set of cards? We want it in our +play-room--Phemie and me are going to build a house." + +"I do not like to give you permission," replied mamma, looking +considerably worried, "for George does not wish you to have them." + +"Oh, but George is out, mother--out for all day," rejoined the +precocious canvasser, "and will never know anything about it." + +"But perhaps he might come home before you had done with them, and +George is so terribly passionate, and hates to have his things touched, +that he will raise the whole house." + +"Poor boy!" observed my grandmother dryly, "What a misfortune to be so +passionate! A deep-seated, and, I fear, incurable one, Amy; for of +course you have used your utmost endeavors, both by precept and example, +to render him otherwise." + +I almost pitied my mother's feelings; for well did I remember the +cried-for toy placed within his hands, to stop the constant succession +of screams sent forth by a pair of lungs whose strength seemed +inexhaustible--the comfort and convenience of the whole family +disregarded, not because he was the _best_, but the _worst_ child--and +often the destruction of some highly-prized trinket or gem of art, +because he was "_passionate_;" the result of which was, that my poor +brother George became one of the most selfish, exacting, intolerable +boys that ever lived. + +There was no reply, save a troubled look; and the little tormentor +continued in a fretful tone; "We'll put 'em all away before he gets in, +and never tell him a word of it--can't we have them, mother?" + +My mother glanced towards her mentor, but the look which she met +impelled her to pursue a course so different from her usual one, that I +listened in surprise: "No, Caroline, you can _not_ have them--now leave +the room, and let me hear no more about it." + +"I want them," said the child in a sullen tone, while she turned to that +invariable resource of refactory children who happen to be near a door; +namely, turning the knob, and clicking the lock back and forth, and +swinging on it at intervals. + +This performance is extremely trying to a person of restless, nervous +temperament, and my grandmother, setting up her spectacles, exclaimed +commandingly: "Caroline, how dare you stand pouting there? Did you not +hear your mother, naughty girl? Leave the room--this instant?" + +The child stood a moment almost transfixed with surprise; but as she saw +my grandmother preparing to advance upon her--her ample skirts and +portly person somewhat resembling a ship under full sail--she made +rather an abrupt retreat; discomposing the nerves of a small +nursery-maid, whom she encountered in the passage, to such a degree +that, as the girl expressed it, "she was took all of a sudden." + +I had given a quick, convulsive start as the first tones fell upon my +ear, and now sat bending over my sewing like a chidden child, almost +afraid to look up. I was one of those unlucky mortals who bear the blame +of everything wrong they witness; and having, in tender infancy, been +suddenly seized upon in Sunday school by the superintendent, and placed +in a conspicuous situation of disgrace for looking at a companion who +was performing some strange antic, but who possessed one of those +india-rubber faces that, after twisting themselves into all possible, or +rather impossible shapes, immediately become straight the moment any +one observes them--having, I say, met with this mortifying exposure, it +gave me a shock which I have not to this day recovered; and I cannot now +see any one start up hastily in pursuit of another without fancying +myself the culprit, and trembling accordingly. This sudden movement, +therefore, of my grandmother's threw me into an alarming state of +terror, and, quite still and subdued, I sat industriously stitching, all +the morning after. + +"Dear me!" said my mother with a sigh, "how much better you make them +mind than I can." + +"I see, Amy," said my grandmother kindly, "that your influence is very +weak--the care of of so large a family has prevented you from attending +to each one properly. You perceive the effect of a little well-timed +authority, and I do not despair of you yet. You are naturally," she +continued, "amiable and indolent, and though gentleness is certainly +agreeable and interesting, yet a constant succession of sweets cannot +fail to cloy, and engender a taste for something sharper and more +wholesome." + +Delicacy prevented me from remaining to hear my mother advised and +lectured, and the rest of my grandmother's discourse was therefore lost +to me; but whatever it was, I soon perceived its beneficial results--the +children were no longer permitted to roam indiscriminately through all +parts of the house--certain rooms were proof againt their +invasions--they became less troublesome and exacting, and far more +companionable. The worried look gradually cleared from my mother's brow, +and as my grandmother was extremely fond of sight-seeing, visiting, +tea-drinkings, and everything in the shape of company, she persevered in +dragging her daughter out day after day, until she made her enjoy it +almost as much as herself. Old acquaintances were hunted up and brought +to light, and new ones made through the exertions of my grandmother, +who, in consequence of such a sociable disposition, soon became very +popular. The young ones were banished to the nursery; and, as they were +no longer allowed to spend their days in eating, there was far less +sickness among them, and our family doctor's bill decreased amazingly. + +Our grandmother, having spent many years in the "mother-country," was +extremely English in her feelings and opinions, and highly advocated the +frugal diet on which the children of the higher classes are always kept. +Lord and Lady Grantham, the son-in-law and daughter at whose residence +she passed the time of her sojourn in England, were infallible models of +excellence and prudence; and the children were again and again informed +that their little English cousins were never allowed meat until the age +of seven, and considered it a great treat to get beef broth twice a +week. Butter was also a prohibited article of luxury--their usual +breakfast consisting of mashed potatoes, or bread and milk; and my +grandmother used to relate how one morning a little curly-headed thing +approached her with an air of great mystery, and whispered: "What _do_ +you think we had for breakfast?" "Something very good, I suspect--what +can it be?" "Guess." "O, I cannot; you must tell me." "_Buttered +bread_!" Our laughter increased as she gave an amusing account of the +blue eyes stretched to their utmost extent, as these wonderful words +were pronounced hesitatingly, as though doubtful of the effect; and in +consequence of various anecdotes of the same nature, the children's +impressions of England were by no means agreeable. Our little cousins +must certainly have been the most wonderful children ever heard of, for +by my grandmother's account, they could dance, sing, and speak French +almost as soon as they could walk. She also informed us, as a positive +fact, that on saying: "_Baisez, Cora--baisez la dame_," the very baby in +arms put up its rosebud lips to kiss the stranger mentioned. It would +have been stranger still for the younger children to speak English, as +they were always in the company of French nurses. + +Although my grandmother could so easily assume a stern and commanding +air, it was by no means habitual to her; and the children, though they +feared and never dared to dispute her authority, soon loved her with all +the pure, unselfish love of childhood, which cannot be bought. "Things +were not so and so when I was young," was a favorite remark of hers; and +as I one day remarked that "those must have been wonderful times when +old people were young," she smiled and said that "though not wonderful, +they were times when parents and teachers were much more strict with +children than they are now." I immediately experienced a strong desire +to be made acquainted with the circumstances of my grandmother's +childhood, and began hinting to that effect. + +"Were they very strict with you, grandmother?" asked we mischievously. + +She looked rather disconcerted for a moment, and then replied with a +smile: "Not very--I saw very little of my parents, being mostly left to +nurses and servants; but you all seem eager for information on that +point, and although there is absolutely nothing worth relating, you may +all come to my room this evening, and we will begin on the subject of my +younger days." + +We swallowed tea rather hastily, and danced off in high glee to my +grandmother's apartment, ready for the unfolding of unheard-of +occurrences and mysteries. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +We were all happily seated around the fire; the grate was piled up high +with coal, and threw a bright reflection upon the polished +marble--everything was ready to begin, when a most unfortunate question +of my sister Emma's interfered with our progress. She had settled +herself on a low stool at my grandmother's feet, and while we all sat in +silent expectation of the "once upon a time," or "when I was young," +which is generally the prelude to similar narratives, Emma suddenly +started up, and fixing an incredulous gaze upon our dignified relative, +exclaimed: "But were you _ever_ young, grandmother? I mean," she +continued, a little frightened at her own temerity, "were you ever as +little as I am now?" + +Some of us began to cough, others used their pocket-handkerchiefs, and +one and all waited in some anxiety for the effect. Emma, poor child! +seemed almost ready to sink through the floor under the many astonished +and reproving glances which she encountered; and my grandmother's +countenance at first betokened a gathering storm. + +But in a few moments this cleared up; and ashamed of her momentary anger +at this childish question, she placed her hand kindly on Emma's head as +she replied: "Yes, Emma, quite as little as you are--and it is of those +very times that I am going to tell you. I shall not begin at the +beginning, but speak of whatever happens to enter my mind, and a +complete history of my childhood will probably furnish employment for a +great many evenings. But I am very much averse to interruptions, and if +you have any particular questions to ask, all inquiries must be made +before I commence." + +"Were you born and did you live in America?" said I. + +"Yes," replied my grandmother, "I was born and lived in America, in the +State of New York. So much for the locality--now, what next?" + +"Did you ever see Washington?" inquired Bob, "And were you ever taken +prisoner and had your house burned by the British?" + +Bob was a great patriot, and on Saturdays practised shooting in the +attic with a bow and arrow, to perfect himself against the time of his +attaining to man's estate, when he fully intended to collect an army and +make an invasion on England. As an earnest of his hostile intentions, he +had already broken all the windows on that floor, and nearly +extinguished the eye of Betty, the chambermaid. To both of these +questions my grandmother replied in the negative, for she happened to +come into the world just after the Revolution; but in answer to Bob's +look of disappointment, she promised to tell him something about it in +the course of her narrative. + +"My two most prominent faults," said she, "were vanity and curiosity, +and these both led me into a great many scrapes, which I shall endeavor +to relate for your edification. I shall represent them just as they +really were, and if I do not make especial comments on each separate +piece of misconduct, it is because I leave you to judge for yourselves, +by placing them in their true light. I shall not tell you the year I was +born in," she continued, "for then there would be a counting on certain +little fingers to see how old grandmamma is now. When I was a child--a +_very_ young one--I used to say that I remembered very well the day on +which I was born, for mother was down stairs frying dough-nuts. This +nondescript kind of cake was then much more fashionable for the +tea-table than it is at the present day. My mother was quite famous for +her skill in manufacturing them, and my great delight was to superintend +her operations, and be rewarded for good behavior with a limited +quantity of dough, which I manufactured into certain uncouth images, +called 'dough-nut babies.' Sometimes these beloved creations of genius +performed rather curious gymnastics on being placed in the boiling +grease--such as twisting on one side, throwing a limb entirely over +their heads, &c.; while not unfrequently a leg or an arm was found +missing when boiled to the requisite degree of hardness. But sometimes, +oh, sad to relate! my fingers committed such unheard-of depredations in +the large bowl or tray appropriated by my mother, that I was sentenced +to be tied in a high chair drawn close to her side, whence I could +quietly watch her proceedings without being able to assist her. + +I know that our home was situated in a pleasant village which has long +since disappeared in the flourishing city; the house was of white brick, +three stories high, with rooms on each side of the front entrance. A +large and beautiful flower-garden was visible from the back windows; and +beyond this was a still larger fruit-garden, the gate of which was +generally locked, while a formidable row of nails with the points up, +repelled all attempts at climbing over the fence. The peaches, and +plums, apricots, nectarines, grapes, cherries, and apples were such as I +have seldom, if ever, seen since. My lather was wealthy, and my earliest +recollections are connected with large, handsomely-furnished rooms, +numerous servants, massive plate, and a constant succession of +dinner-parties and visitors. How often have I watched the servants as +they filled the decanters, rubbed the silver, and made other +preparations for company, while I drew comparisons between the lot of +the favored beings for whom these preparations were made, and my own, on +being condemned to the unvarying routine of the nursery. Childhood then +appeared to me a kind of penance which we were doomed to undergo--a sort +of imprisonment or chrysalis, which, like the butterfly, left us in a +fairy-like and beautiful existence. Little did I then dream of the +cares, and toils, and troubles from which that happy season is exempt. +My father realized in his own person, to the fullest extent, all the +traditionary legends of old English hospitality; he hated everything +like parsimony--delighted to see his table surrounded with visitors--and +in this was indulged to the extent of his wishes; for day after day +seemed to pass in our being put out of sight, where we could witness the +preparations going on for other people's entertainment. + +The presiding goddess in our region of the house was a faithful and +attached old nurse, whom we all called 'Mammy.' Although sometimes a +little sharp, as was necessary to keep such wild spirits in order, the +old nurse was invariably kind, and even indulgent. It was well indeed +for us that she was so, for we were left almost entirely to her +direction, and saw very little of any one else. Mammy's everyday attire +consisted of a calico short-gown, with large figures, and a stuff +petticoat, with a cap whose huge ruffles stood up in all directions; +made after a pattern which I have never since beheld, and in which the +crown formed the principal feature. But this economical dress was not +for want of means; for Mammy's wardrobe boasted several silk gowns, and +visitors seldom stayed at the house without making her a present. On +great occasions, she approached our beau-ideal of an empress, by +appearing in a black silk dress lace collar, and gold repeater at her +side. This particular dress Mammy valued more highly than any of the +others, for my father had brought it to her, as a present, from Italy, +and the pleasant consciousness of being recollected in this manner by +her master was highly gratifying to the old nurse. + +I was an only daughter, with several wild brothers, and I often thought +that Mammy displayed most unjust partiality. For instance, there was +Fred who never did anything right--upset his breakfast, dinner, and +tea--several times set the clothes-horse, containing the nursery +wardrobe, in a blaze--was forever getting lost, and, when sought for, +often found dangling from a three-story window, hanging on by two +fingers, and even one--who would scarcely have weighed a person's life +in the scale with a successful joke--and always had a finger, foot, or +eye bound up as the result of his hair-brained adventures. I really +believe that Mammy bestowed all a mother's affection on this wild, +reckless boy; he seldom missed an opportunity of being impertinent, and +yet Mammy invariably said that 'Fred had a saucy tongue, but a good +heart.' This _good-heartedness_ probably consisted in drowning kittens, +worrying dogs, and throwing stones at every bird he saw. Fred always had +the warmest seat, the most thickly-buttered bread and the largest piece +of pie. I remember one day on watching Mammy cut the pie, I observed, as +usual, that she reserved the largest piece. + +"Who is that for?" I enquired, although perfectly aware of its intended +destination. + +"O, no one in particular," replied Mammy. + +"Well then" said I, "I believe I'll take it." + +"There! there!" exclaimed Mammy, pointing her finger at me, "See the +greedy girl! Now you shall not have it, just for asking for it." The +disputed piece was immediately deposited on Fred's plate; and from that +day forth I gave up all hopes of the largest piece of pie. + +O, that Fred was an imp! There was nothing in the shape of mischief, +which he would not do. If left to amuse the baby, he often amused +himself by tying a string to its toe, and every now and then giving it a +sudden pull. The child would cry, of course, and, on the approach of any +one, Master Fred sat looking as demure as possible, while trying to keep +his little brother quiet. The string would then be twitched again for +his own private edification; and it was sometime before the trick was +discovered. My brother Henry had at one time several little chickens, of +which he became very fond. Day after day he fed, admired, and caressed +them; and Fred, who never could bear to see others happy long, began to +revolve in his own mind certain plans respecting the chickens. One by +one they disappeared, until the number decreased alarmingly; but no +traces of them could be found. We were questioned, but, as all denied +the charge, the culprit remained undiscovered, although strong +suspicions rested on Fred. At last the indignant owner came upon him one +day, as he stood quietly watching the struggles of two little chickens +in a tub of water. Henry bitterly exclaimed against this cruelty, but +Fred innocently replied that "he had no hand in the matter; he had +thought, for some time, how much prettier they would look swimming like +ducks, and therefore tried to teach them--but the foolish things +persisted in walking along with their eyes shut, and so got drowned." + +But one of Fred's grand _coup-d'oeils_ was the affair of the +cherry-pie. In those days ladies attended more to their household +affairs than they do at present; and my mother, an excellent +housekeeper, was celebrated for her pastry--cherry-pies in particular. +It was the Fourth of July; the boys were released from school, and +roaming about in quest of mischief as boys always are--and, as a rare +thing, we had no company that day, except my aunt, who had come from a +distance on a visit to my mother, while my father had gone to return one +of the numerous visits paid him. Cherry-pie was a standing dish at our +house with which to celebrate the Declaration of Independence. The +servants had all gone out for a holiday, no dinner was cooked, and the +sole dependence was on the cherry-pie. + +They sat down to dinner, and I heard my mother say: "Now, sister Berthy, +I really hope you will enjoy this pie, for I bestowed extra pains upon +it, and placed it up in the bed-room pantry out of the boys' reach, who +are very apt to nibble off the edge of the crust. This time, I see, they +have not meddled with it." + +The pie was cut; but alas! for the hollowness of human triumphs; the +knife met a wilderness of crust and vacancy, but no cherries. The +bed-room pantry had a window opening on a shed, and into that window +Fred, the scape-grace, had adroitly climbed, carefully lifted the upper +crust from the cherished pie, and abstracted all the cherries. My mother +locked him up, for punishment, but having unfortunately selected a sort +of store-room pantry, he made himself sick with sweetmeats, broke all +the jars he could lay hands on, and, finally, discovering a pair of +scissors, he worked at the lock, spoiled it, and let himself out. + +At one time, being rather short of cash, he helped himself to a +five-dollar bill from my mother's drawer; but even _his_ conscience +scarcely resting under so heavy an embezzlement, he got it changed, took +half a dollar, and then put the rest back in the drawer. This +considerateness led to a discovery; they all knew that no one but Fred +would have been guilty of so foolish, and at the same time so dishonest +a thing. + +My favorite brother was Henry; just three years older than myself, +manly, amiable, and intellectual in his tastes, he appeared to me +infinitely superior to any one I had ever seen; and we two were almost +inseparable. In winter he always carried me to school on his sled, saw +that Fred did not rob me of my dinner, and was always ready to explain a +difficult lesson. He was an extremely enterprising boy, with an +inexhaustible fund of ingenuity and invention; but, like most geniuses, +received more blame than praise. When quite small he constructed a sort +of gun made of wood, which would discharge a small ball of paper, +pebble, &c. This became a very popular plaything in the nursery, and for +once the inventor received due praise, on account of its keeping the +children so quiet. But one day Fred undertook to teach the year old baby +the art of shooting with it; and with a small corn for a bullet, he +placed the toy in the child's hands, turning the mouth the wrong way. +The young soldier pulled the trigger in delight, and by some strange +mischance, the corn flew up his nose. The doctor was hastily brought, +the child relieved with a great deal of difficulty, the dangerous +plaything burned, and poor Henry sent to coventry for an unlimited time. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +We had a girl named Jane Davis whom my mother had brought up from +childhood. At the period to which I refer, she could not have been more +than fourteen, and as she was always good-humored and willing to oblige, +she became a general favorite. Often, in the early winter evenings, with +the nursery as tidy as hands could make it, (for Mammy, although not an +old maid, was a mortal enemy to dirt and slovenliness) we all gathered +round the fire, while the old nurse and Jane spun out long stories, +sometimes of things which had happened to them, sometimes of things +which had happened to others, and often of things that never did or +could happen to anybody. But I must do them the justice to say, that +although they sometimes related almost impossible occurrencies, they +never, on any one occasion, took advantage of their influence over us to +enforce our obedience by frighful tales of old men with bags, who seem +to have an especial fancy for naughty children. The nearest approach +that Mammy ever made to anything of this kind was to tell us, when we +began to look sleepy, that the sandman had been along and filled our +eyes. On receiving this information, we generally retired peaceably to +bed, without being haunted by any fears of ghost or goblin. + +There was a wealthy and fashionable family who lived just opposite, +consisting of a widower, his sister, and two children--a son and +daughter. They lived in most extravagant style, and Jane positively +assured us that the housekeeper had told her with her own lips that +there was no end to Mr. Okeman's wealth, and that he even made his +daughter eat bank-bills on her bread and butter! Whether the son was +exempted from this disagreeable performance we never thought of +inquiring; but our awe rose ten percent, for a girl who was so rich as +absolutely to devour money. On being divulged, this grand secret amused +the inmates of the drawing-room very much, and our parents could +scarcely command their countenances to undeceive us. + +Jane Davis remained with us as nursery-maid until she was eighteen, when +my mother, who was always extremely kind to servants and dependants, +placed her at a trade, and supported her comfortably until she learned +enough to support herself. She afterwards married a carpenter, who +always performed for my father those odd jobs that are constantly +required in a house, and they came to live in a kind of cottage at the +end of the garden. They there commenced farming on a small scale, and +often supplied us with milk, eggs, poultry, &c. + +Mammy was a firm believer in signs of good and evil import; thus, if, in +dropping the scissors, they stood up erect on the point, she always said +that visitors were coming--a sign that rarely failed, as we were seldom +a day without them. Once I had wished very much for a large wax-doll. My +dreams were beautified with waxen images of immense size, whose china +blue eyes, long flaxen curls, and rosy cheeks, presented a combination +of charms that took my heart by storm. I sat one night, as usual, by the +nursery fire; my thoughts fixed on this all-engrossing subject, when I +ventured to communicate them to Mammy, and ask her if she thought I ever +would become the enviable possessor of such a doll. + +"I don't know," replied Mammy at first, "I think it's very doubtful. But +come here," she added, "and let me see your hand." + +After an examination, Mammy pronounced with an air of great mystery that +circumstances were propitious, and she was almost convinced beyond a +doubt that ere long the doll would be mine. She then pointed out to me a +small white spot on my left thumb nail, which she said always denoted a +present. I was rather incredulous at first, not conceiving that so +brilliant a dream could be realized; but after a while the doll actually +made its appearance, and I began to regard Mammy as something little +short of a witch, and became far more tractable in consequence of my +increased awe. + +Jane's stories, as well as Mammy's always began with "Once upon a time +there were two sisters;" one was represented as plain-looking, but +amiable--the other beautiful, but a very Zantippe in temper. By some +wonderful combination of circumstances, the elder lost her beauty and +ugliness at the same time--when some good fairy always came along, who, +by a magic touch of her wand, made both the sisters far more lovely than +the elder had been. Beauty was always the burden of the tale; people who +were not beautiful met with no adventures, and seemed to lead a hum-drum +sort of life; therefore, I insensibly learned to regard this wonderful +possession as something very much to be desired. I believe I was quite a +pretty child, with dark bright eyes, red lips, and a pair of very rosy +cheeks. I spent considerable time before the glass, and both Mammy and +Jane began to fear the effects of vanity. Often and often would the old +nurse say: "You needn't stand before the glass, Miss Amy--there is +nothing to look at," or when in a bad humor, "Don't make such faces, +child--you have no beauty to spare," and I can very well remember how +both would endeavor to persuade me that I was the most veritable little +fright that ever existed, and quite a bugbear to my relations. + +"What a pity," Jane would commence, as she saw me surveying myself with +an air of infinite satisfaction, "what a pity it is that Miss Amy has +such a dark, ugly skin--almost like an Indian, isn't it, nurse?" + +I had eyes to judge for myself, and knew that I was much fairer than +either Mammy or Jane; and somebody had remarked in my presence: "What a +lovely neck and shoulders!" therefore I generally remained perfectly +quiet while listening to these inuendoes. + +"Yes," Mammy would reply, "a very great pity--but an amiable temper, +Miss Amy, is more than looks; you must try and cultivate that, to make +up for your want of beauty." + +"And then," continued Jane, "only see how perfectly straight her hair +is! not a sign of curl, nor even a twist!--and black eyes have such a +wicked kind of a look; they always remind me of cannibals." + +Jane's eyes were as blue and bright as glass beads, while Mammy's, I +thought, approached a green, but with my own I felt perfectly satisfied; +for a lady had remarked in my presence what beautiful eyes I +had--adding that "dark eyes were so much more expressive than blue; blue +ones were so very insipid looking." The observation about my hair, +though, was only too correct, and touched me most sensibly. While most +of the other children possessed those soft, flowing curls, so beautiful +in childhood, mine obstinately refused to wave; and was, to use Jane's +expression, "as straight and as stiff as a poker." I had endeavored to +remedy this as far as lay in my power, and one day set my hair in a +blaze, while curling it with a very hot pipe-stem. I was, in +consequence, deemed one of the most abandoned of the nursery inmates; +and found myself minus at least one half of the hair I had hitherto +possessed. + +I really believe that both Jane and Mammy sincerely hoped to eradicate +my besetting sin, by such blunt remarks as the former; but no course +could have been less wise than the one which they took. I knew very well +that I was neither a fright, an Indian, nor a cannibal; and the pains +which they took to convince me to the contrary led me to give myself +credit for much more beauty than I really possessed. I also regarded +amiability as a virtue of very small account; and supposed that those +who practised it, only did so because they possessed neither beauty, +grace, nor anything else to recommend them. + +A great source of annoyance to me was my dress. As I was an only +daughter, some mothers, with the same means, would have enhanced my +attractions with all the aid of ornament, and established me as a +permanent divinity of the drawing-room, whom all must bow to and flatter +as they entered its precincts. But, although fond of display, and +surrounded with all the appliances of wealth, the taste of my parents +never did run much on dress; and I often felt mortified at my +inferiority to others in this respect. Such articles were then much +dearer, and more in vogue than at the present day, and a blue Circassian +formed my entire stock of gala dresses, and went the rounds of all the +children's parties I attended; my mother seemed to think, (with respect +to me, at least,) that as long as a dress was clean and in good repair, +there was no need of a change--she left nothing to the pleasure of +variety. There appeared to be an inexhaustible store of the same +material in a certain capacious drawer; did an elbow give out, a new +sleeve instantly supplied its place--did I happen to realize the ancient +saying: "There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip," and make my +lap the recipient of some of the goodies provided for us at our +entertainments, the soiled front breadth disappeared, and was replaced +by another, fresh and new--did the waist grow short, it was made over +again--there verily seemed to be no end to the dress; I came to the +conclusion that blue Circassian was the most ugly material ever +invented, and often found myself calculating how many yards there might +be left. + +My school hats always looked the worse for wear, and my Sunday ones were +not much better; but once my mother took me to the city, and bought me, +for school, a far handsomer hat than I had hitherto worn for best, and a +still better one for great occasions. Here I, who scarcely ever looked +decent about the upper story, actually had two new hats at once! The +best one, I remember, was a round gipsy flat, then altogether the +fashion; and the first Sunday I put it on I made a perfect fool of +myself by twisting my hair in strings, intended to pass for natural +ringlets, and allowing said strings to hang all around beneath the brim +of my hat. Mamma was sick and confined to her room, and I managed to +appear at church with this ridiculous head-gear. People certainly stared +a little, but this my vanity easily converted into looks of admiration +directed towards my new hat, and perhaps also my improved beauty--and +came home more full of self-complacency than ever. + +I have before mentioned that beyond the house there was a large +fruit-garden, respecting which, my father's orders were especially +strict. He expressly forbade our touching any of the fruit unless he +gave us permission; and nothing made him more angry than to have any +gathered before it was quite ripe. It certainly requires a child whose +principle of honesty is a very strong one, to pass every day in full +view of an endless bed of ripening strawberries, whose uncommon size and +luscious hue offered so many temptations. But bad as I was, I think I +was generally pretty honest, and resisted the temptation to the best of +my ability. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +I think I was about five years old, when one bright May morning my +brother Henry received especial instructions to be careful of me, and +see that I fell into no mischief on the occasion of my first day at +school. The luncheon-basket was packed with twice the usual quantity of +sandwiches, into which Mammy slyly tucked a small paper of sweet things +as a sort of comforter, with repeated injunctions to Henry not to make a +mistake and confiscate them for his own private use. A superfluous +caution--for Henry was the most generous little fellow that ever lived; +and was far more likely to fall short himself than that others should +suffer through him. Both Jane and Mammy kissed me repeatedly. I had on a +new dress of light, spotted calico, and a straw hat, with a green +ribbon, and a deep green silk cape--underneath the binding of my apron a +small handkerchief had been carefully pinned--a small blue-covered book, +and a slate with a long, sharp-pointed pencil tied on with a red cord, +were placed in my hands; and from these ominous preparations, and the +uncommon kindness of every one around, I concluded that I was at last to +meet with some adventure--perhaps to suffer martyrdom of some kind or +other. + +Poor Jane! My great passion was for beads, and when she perceived, from +various indications, that I was not exactly pleased with the change, she +ran up stairs, hastily loosened a whole string from a cherished +necklace, and returning quickly, slipped them into my hand. My mother +also came into the nursery to see that I was perfectly neat, kissed me +affectionately as she whispered to me to be a good girl and learn to +read, and with a strange, undefined sensation at my heart, I found +myself in the street with my hand fast locked in that of Henry. It was +that lovely season of the year when the fruit-trees are all in bloom; +and the sweet, flower-laden breeze, the busy hum of human life that rose +around, and the bounding, restless spirit of childhood, made me shrink +from the bondage I was about to enter. + +The school-house was a very pretty cottage with a trellised front of +bean-vines and honeysuckle; and when I entered I found, to my great +surprise, that Miss Sewell, the teacher, looked very much like other +people. There were two moderate-sized rooms, opening into each other, in +one of which Mr. Sewell superintended several desks of unruly boys--in +the other, his daughter directed the studies of about twenty little +girls. There were some large girls seated at the desks, who appeared to +me so very antiquated that I was almost afraid to hazard an idea +respecting their ages; and had I been asked how old they were, should +probably have replied 'at least fifty;' although I do not now suppose +the eldest was more than fourteen. + +Rather stunned by the buzz and noise of the classes reciting, and very +much puzzled as to my own probable destiny, I began to climb the hill +of knowledge. I said my letters; and Miss Sewell, having found that I +knew them pretty well, (thanks to Mammy's patient teaching), allowed me +to spell in _a-b, ab_, and _b-a, ba_, and set me some straight marks on +my slate. I met with nothing remarkable during my first day at school; +and on my return informed Mammy, as the result of my studies, that two +and one make four. Nor could I be persuaded to the contrary; for, +although I had been taught by the old nurse to count as far as ten, on +being examined by Miss Sewell, either bashfulness or obstinacy prevented +me from displaying the extent of my knowledge--and, while endeavoring to +explain to me how many one and one make, she had said: "There is one, to +begin with; well now, one more makes two," therefore as one made two in +this case, I supposed it did in every other. + +I learned to love the mild countenance of Miss Sewell, with her plain +dark hair and soft eyes, and was never happier then when she was invited +to tea; for then I was emancipated from the nursery and placed beside +her at table. I dearly loved to take her fruit and flowers; and white +lilies, roses, honey-suckles, and the most admired productions of our +garden were daily laid on Miss Sewell's table. For rewards we had a +great many wide, bright-colored ribbons, which were tied upon our arms, +that every one might see them as we went home; and she who could boast a +variety of ribbons was known to have been perfect in all her lessons. +Those who had fallen into disgrace were distinguished by a broad band +passed around the head, on the front of which was written in large +characters the name of the misdemeanor. + +One morning I had been rather negligent, and, having my suspicions as to +the consequence, told Mammy of my fears, and my dread of the disgrace. +The old nurse's anger even exceeded mine; she declared that her child +should not be treated so, and advised me to snatch it off and tear it to +pieces. I went to school, not having exactly made up my mind whether to +follow this advice or not; but my afternoon lessons fully made up for +the deficiency of the morning, and I escaped the dreaded punishment. I +had gone with several companions to the closet in which we deposited +our hats and shawls, and while engaged in the process of robing, I heard +a very loud voice talking in great excitement, and one which I +immediately recognised. I overheard Mammy exclaiming: "Where is my +child? Has she got that horrid thing on her head? I want to take it off +before she goes home." + +Blushing with mortification, as I noticed the tittering of the +school-girls, called forth by the loud tone and strange figure of the +old nurse, who had rushed into the room in her usual attire of +short-gown and petticoat, I came hastily forward, and was immediately +seized by Mammy, who exclaimed in surprise: "Why, I though you said you +were going to have that thing on your head! I was determined that no +child of mine should wear it, so I came after you to take it off." + +Mammy was one of the most independent persons I ever saw; she cared for +no one's frown, and poured forth the whole love of her warm Irish heart +upon us--tormenting and troublesome as we were. Sometimes she sung to us +of "Acushla machree" and "Mavourneen," and Mammy's Irish songs were +especial favorites with the young fry of the nursery. When we were +particularly obstreperous, she threatened to go away and leave us, and +never come back again; a threat which always produced copious showers of +tears, and promises of better behavior. Often have I watched her in +dismay as she dressed herself to go out--fearful that she would really +put her threat in execution, especially as conscience whispered that I +deserved it. At such times, nothing pacified me except the deposit of +her spectacles; when once the case was lodged in my possession, I felt +sure of Mammy--knowing that she could not stay long without them. +Sometimes she would tell us of her life in Ireland; but no act did she +more bitterly deplore than her marriage; complaining that the object of +her choice was far from what he appeared to be when she married him--and +further observing that as he turned out a very bad speculation, and +never gave her anything but a thimble, she wisely left him to his own +society, and emigrated to America. + +Mammy very often kept the key of the fruit-garden; and as she never +yielded it to our entreaties, the ever-ready Fred formed a conspiracy +one Sunday afternoon, in which, I am sorry to say, I took a very +conspicuous part--the object of which was to purloin the key, and enjoy +at last this long-coveted, forbidden pleasure. Fred actually succeeded +in abstracting it from Mammy's capacious pocket, and in high glee we +proceeded to the garden. It was in the time of peaches; there hung the +lucious fruit in such profusion, that the trees were almost borne down +by its weight. We ate till we could eat no longer; and then, happening +to see two or three men passing along, we threw some over the fence to +them. They, in return, threw us some pennies; and, delighted with the +success of our frolic, we continued to throw and receive, until startled +by a most unwelcome apparition. There, at the foot of the tree, stood +Mammy--her face expressing the utmost astonishment and indignation, and +her hands extended to seize us. She had watched our manoeuvres from one +of the windows, and astonishment at our boldness and ingenuity kept her +for sometime a silent spectator. But Mammy was not apt to be _silent_ +long while witnessing our misdeeds; and in an incredible short space of +time she gained the use of both her feet and her tongue. Our companions +caught a glimpse of flying drapery rapidly advancing, and rather +suddenly made their retreat; while we, now trembling, detected culprits, +took up a line of march for the house. + +Not so, Fred; defying Mammy to capture him, and laughing at her dismay, +he started off on a run, and she after him in full pursuit. We watched +the chase from the nursery-window; and as Fred was none of the thinnest, +and Mammy somewhat resembled a meal-bag with a string tied round the +middle, it proved to be quite exciting. But it was brought to an +untimely end by the apparition of a pair of spectacles over the fence; +said spectacles being the undisputed property of a middle-aged +gentleman--a bachelor, who, we suspected, always stayed home from church +on Sunday afternoons to keep the neighbors in order. With +horror-stricken eyes he had beheld only the latter part of the scene, +and conceiving the old nurse to be as bad as her rebellious charge, he +called out from his garden, which communicated with ours: + +"My good woman, do you know that this is Sunday?--Depend upon it, a +person of your years would feel much better to be quietly reading in +your own apartment, than racing about the garden in this unseemly +manner." + +Poor Mammy! she was well aware of this before; flushed, heated, and +almost overcome with fatigue, she looked the very picture of +uncomfortableness; and this last aggravation increased the feeling to a +tenfold degree. At that moment, Fred, unconsciously, stumbled into her +very arms; she looked up--the spectacles had disappeared--and convinced +of this fact, she bore him in triumph to the nursery. + +We had all expected personal chastisement, at the very least, but we +were thrown into a greater degree of horror and dismay than could well +be conceived; Mammy placed her spectacles in her pocket, collected her +valuables, and put on her hat and things, to take passage for Ireland. +We hung about her in every attitude of entreaty--acknowledged our +misdemeanors, promised amendment, and an entire confession of all the +sins we had ever perpetrated. I do think we must have remained upon our +knees at least half an hour; never had Mammy seemed so hard-hearted +before, and we began to think that she might be in earnest after all. We +begged her to whip us--lock us up--anything but leave us; and at last +she relented. She told us that she considered us the most abandoned +children that ever were born; and wished that she had two additional +eyes at the back of her head to watch our movements. We promised to +spend the afternoon in learning hymns and verses; and Mammy, having +taken her position in the large easy-chair, with a footstool at her +feet, tied Fred to one of the legs, as he sat on a low bench at her +side, and made us all study. We succeeded pretty well; although +considerably terrified at the sharp looks which Mammy from time to time +bestowed upon us. + +In the evening came the promised confession; and both Mammy and Jane +were rendered almost dumb by these dreadful instances of depravity. Such +secret and unsuspected visits to the store-room pantry--such +conspiracies against locks and bolts--such scaling of walls, and +climbing in at windows, were never heard of before. I rather suspected +Fred to have drawn upon his imagination for instances of the marvellous, +for such adventures as he related never could have been met with; but +Mammy and Jane believed it all. At the conclusion, the old nurse seemed +very much disposed to punish us at once for all these united +misdemeanors--and was only prevented by our remonstrating upon the plea +of a voluntary confession. + +That night I lay awake, pretending to sleep, and heard Mammy and her +satellite discussing our conduct in all its enormity. Considerably +influenced by their unaffected horror and astonishment, the thought for +the first time rushed upon my mind, that perhaps I might be much worse +than other people. It troubled me considerably; I found it impossible to +sleep, and following a good impulse, I crept softly out of bed, and +falling on my knees before Mammy, whispered to her to pray for me. There +must have been a very different expression on my countenance from its +usual one; for I afterwards heard the old nurse tell Jane that I +reminded her of an angel. I felt utterly miserable; and sobbing +convulsively, I begged Mammy to pray, not that I might have a new heart, +but that I might live a great while. I had begun to fear speedy +punishment for my misdemeanors. The old nurse, (although a really pious +woman), seemed quite at a loss how to proceed; and Jane, coming forward, +took me kindly by the hand, and reasoned with me on my conduct with all +the wisdom of riper years and a higher education. After convincing me +that I should ask, not for an increased number of years, but for a new +heart and temper, she knelt down with me and repeated the Lord's prayer. + +The scene is indelibly impressed upon my memory; for although I have +since witnessed scenes containing more stage effect, and quite as +melting, I never in my life remember to have been so affected as, with +Jane's arm around me, and the light of the nursery-lamp shining upon our +kneeling figures, I distinctly heard Mammy's sobs, as she repeated each +word with a peculiar intonation of reverence. I felt a respect for the +young girl ever afterwards; and as I clasped my arms about her neck and +pressed a warm kiss on her cheek, as I bade her good-night, the tone of +my voice must have been unusually tender--for I saw tears come into her +eyes as she asked Mammy if she was not afraid, from my flushed cheeks, +that I had some fever. Although petulant, and even violent when roused, +I had a warm, loving heart, capable of the most unbounded affection; and +from that time forth Jane and I never had a single dispute. She had +appeared to me in a new light on that Sabbath eve; and with my hand +locked in hers, I fell into a sweet, dreamy sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +One of my great troubles, and one too which I regarded in a pretty +serious light, was the obeisance I had been taught to make on meeting +"the minister's wife." I never came within view of this formidable +personage that I did not hesitate and tremble; while I looked wildly +around, in the vain hope of discovering a place of refuge. After +performing my awkward courtesy, I usually hastened on as fast as +possible, being oppressed with a most uncomfortable sensation of awe in +the presence of Mrs. Eylton. This was occasioned by the quiet observance +which I, like other children, took of the conduct of those around me. +Everything in the house seemed to be at her command; if Mrs. Eylton sent +for a thing she must have it immediately; and I drew my conclusions +that "the minister's wife" was a sort of petty sovereign, placed over +the town or village in which she resided, and that all we possessed was +held under her. + +Almost every day brought a request from Mrs. Eylton for the loan of some +article in our possession; a repetition of which would naturally lead +one to conclude that ministers merely procured a house, and then +depended for everything else on the charity of the public. This +borrowing mania appeared to gather strength from indulgence, for none of +the neighbors would refuse, whatever the article might be; and our +waffle-iron, toasting-fork, Dutch-oven, bake-pan, and rolling-pin were +frequently from home on visits of a week's duration. On sending for our +muffin-rings or cake-pans, we often received a message to be expeditious +in our manufactures; that Mrs. Eylton could spare them for a day or so, +"but wanted to use them again very shortly." Our parents would buy such +conveniences, send them to the kitchen of Mrs. Eylton, and borrow them +from time to time, if in perfect accordance with that lady's +convenience. She would even borrow her neighbor's servants, and often at +very inconvenient times. Jane had often been sent for to take care of +the children; and the usual request came one afternoon that seemed to me +stamped with most remarkable events. + +We were in a kind of sitting-room on the ground-floor, and my father sat +writing at a small table near the window. A servant entered with the +announcement: "Mrs. Eylton, ma'am, wants to borrow Jane." + +An expression of vexation crossed my mother's countenance as she +remarked: "I do not know how I can possibly spare Jane this afternoon; +Mammy has gone out, and I do not feel inclined to attend to the children +myself." + +My father looked up from his writing as he observed: "Nor do I see the +necessity of your being troubled with them, Laura." + +"Not see the necessity!" exclaimed my mother, "How can I refuse the wife +of our minister? I would be willing to put up with some inconvenience +for Mr. Eylton's sake. Poor man! he has a hard time of it, with his +talents and refinement." + +"No doubt he has," said my father, pityingly; then, in a more merry +tone, he added: "But can you think of no other alternative, Laura, than +disobliging Mrs. Eylton, if you object to this juvenile infliction for a +whole long summer's afternoon?" + +My father was of a bolder, more determined character than my mother, and +had, withal, a spice of fun in his composition; and the expression of +his eyes now rendered her apprehensive of some sudden scheme that might +create a feeling of justifiable anger in Mrs. Eylton. + +"Dearest Arthur!" she exclaimed beseechingly, as she placed a soft hand +on his shoulder, "Do not, I beseech of you, put in execution any +outlandish plan respecting Mrs. Eylton!--Do let Jane go as usual; for +she is not one to understand a joke, I can assure you--she will be +offended by it." + +"And pray, madam," asked my father, with assumed gravity, "what has led +you to suppose that I intended making Mrs. Eylton the subject of a +joke? Away with you," he continued, with a mischievous look at those +pleading eyes, "Away with you, and let me do as I choose." + +Turning to the servant, he asked: "Mrs. Eylton has, I believe, requested +the loan of other articles besides our domestics--has she ever sent to +borrow any of the children?" + +"Indeed, and she has not, sir," replied the girl, with difficulty +repressing a laugh. + +"Well then," said he, "we will now send her both the article she +requested, and some articles which she did not request. Tell Jane to be +ready to go to Mrs. Eylton's with the children." + +"Yes sir," and the servant departed to execute her commission. + +"Arthur!" remonstrated my mother. + +"Not a word!" said my father gaily. "Children," he continued, "do you +wish to go? What says my madcap, Amy?" + +Madcap Amy, for once in her life, said nothing--being too much awed and +astonished to reply. To think that I should actually enter the house, +and be face to face with the formidable Mrs. Eylton? The idea was +appalling; and for sometime I sat biting my nails in thoughful silence. +It was so sudden, it had always appeared to me that a great deal must be +gone through with--a great many different degrees of intimacy +surmounted, before I should ever find myself within the house of Mrs. +Eylton; but here was I, without the least warning, to be transformed +from the bashful child, who made no sign of recognition save an awkward +courtesy, into the regular visitor--and for a whole afternoon! No wonder +I took so long to deliberate. Though not particularly remarkable for +bashfulness or timidity at home, and despite a character for violence +in, "fighting my own battles," to assert some infringed right, I +absolutely trembled at the idea of encountering strangers; and this +visit to Mrs. Eylton's appeared, to my excited mind, like thrusting +myself into the enemy's quarters. + +But then curiosity rose up in all its powers, to baffle my fear; I did +_so_ want to see how the house looked inside, and whether they really +had anything that was not borrowed! And then who knows, thought I, but +what Mrs. Eylton will show me the inside of some of her drawers? I dare +say she has a great many pretty things. There was nothing which gave me +greater delight than looking into other people's drawers, and turning +over those remnants of various things which are stored away in most +houses--in many for the mere love of hoarding. Mamma would sometimes +allow me to arrange certain little drawers containing jewelry, ribbons, +and odds and ends. But the charmed room in our house was one that was +always kept locked, and, from the circumstance of a green ribbon being +attached to the key, we called it "the green-ribbon room." + +Dear me! what a collection that room contained. There were several large +trunks that nearly covered the floor, besides boxes, and bags, and +bundles; and these were filled with cast-off clothes, silks, ribbons, +and bunches of artificial flowers and feathers. The room was not very +often opened; it was at the very top of the house, and lighted by a +large dormar-window; but as soon as mamma mounted the stairs, with the +key in her hand, the alarm was given: "Quick! mother is going to the +green-ribbon room!" and mamma's ears were immediately refreshed by the +sound of numerous little feet moving up stairs at locomotive speed, with +the ostensible purpose of assisting her in her researches--but in +reality, to be getting in her way, and begging for everything we saw. It +was, "Mamma, mayn't we have this?" or, "mayn't we have that?" or "Do say +yes, just this once; and we'll never ask you for anything again as long +as we live--never," a promise faithfully kept till next time. + +Mamma sometimes tried to go up very softly, in order to elude our +vigilance; but it wouldn't do. She often wondered how we found out that +that she was there, but we seldom missed an opportunity. Now and then a +dear little pitcher, or a vase of cream-colored ground with a wreath of +faint pink roses traced around it, or a cluster of bright-colored +flowers in the centre, arrested our attention, and called forth +rhapsodies of admiration. I supposed that everybody had just such a +room; and it was very probable, I thought, that Mrs. Eylton might chance +to open hers during our visit. Therefore I decided that, notwithstanding +my terror of the lady, a greater amount of pleasure might be obtained +by going there, than by staying at home. + +So Jane, with her own trim person as neat as possible, bore off her +charges to the nursery, in order, as she said, "to make us fit to be +seen." "Mrs. Eylton might see this," or "notice that," and I felt +uncomfortably convinced that Mrs. Eylton must possess the sharpest pair +of eyes it had ever been my misfortune to encounter. Finally, we set +off; I remember being dressed in a white frock, with a broad sash, and +experiencing a consciousness of looking remarkably well, in spite of my +hair--which, having obstinately repulsed all Jane's advances with tongs +and curl-papers, was suffered to remain in all its native straightness. + +It was summer, and a multiflora rose-vine, which extended over the front +of the parsonage, was then in full flower; while, as we mounted the +steps, I distinguished through the green blind door glimpses of a +pleasant-looking garden beyond. We entered the back parlor, where sat +Mrs. Eylton attired for a walk, and surrounded by three children, all +younger than myself. The minister's lady did not appear quite so +formidable on a close survey; though the aspect of her countenance was +by no means promising, as her eye fell upon us. + +"Well, Jane," she commenced, in the tone of one who felt herself +injured, "you have kept me waiting some time--how is this? Punctuality +is a virtue very becoming in a young person." + +Jane looked exceedingly disconcerted at this address; but at length she +replied, that "she could not get the children ready before." + +"_The children_!" repeated Mrs. Eylton; while, young as I was, I plainly +read in her countenance, "What possessed you to bring _them_ here?" + +"Yes ma'am," replied Jane, gathering more courage as she proceeded, +"Mrs. Chesbury sent them with me to spend the afternoon. She had no one +to attend to them at home." + +In the meantime I became aware, as I glanced around the room, that the +prospect for the afternoon promised very little amusement. Mrs. Eylton +soon after left us, telling Jane to be very careful that we got into no +mischief; and, with, a feeling of disappointment, I saw the door close +behind her. In my scenting of the apartment I became very much struck +with the appearance of a curious looking little work-stand, containing +three small drawers. Immediately my imagination was at work upon their +contents; and I determined, if possible, to satisfy my curiosity. Mrs. +Eylton had departed without making any provision for our amusement, and +I saw no reason why I should not examine the drawers--especially if I +handled things carefully, and put them all back again. Probably they +were in disorder, and then what a pleasant surprise it would be for Mrs. +Eylton to find them all neatly arranged on her return! + +Jane now proposed walking in the garden; and to avoid suspicion, I +joined the party for the present. There were a great many flower-beds, +very prettily laid out; and at the end of a wide path stood a pleasant +little summer-house, half-buried in vines. We established ourselves +there, from whence we could view the whole garden; and with a pretence +of looking again at the flowers, I soon made my escape, and returned to +the house. A wide glass-door opened from the back room into the garden, +and carefully closing this, I approached the table and attempted to open +the drawers. I tried the first one,--it was locked; the second,--and met +with no better success. Almost in despair, I placed my hands on the +third, and that finally yielded to my efforts. I beheld heterogeneous +rows of pins, papers of needles, &c., and was about to shut it in +disappointment, when my glance fell on a small box. Small, +mysterious-looking boxes always possessed a talismanic attraction in my +eyes; and the next moment I was busily at work examining the contents. +The round lid lifted, I found my gaze irresistibly fascinated by a +child's face, with fair, curling hair, and azure eyes. But the great +beauty lay in its expression; that was so calm, holy, and serene, that I +felt insensibly better as I gazed upon it. It was a peculiar face; and I +became so wrapt in its contemplation as to lose all hearing of what +passed around, until a step sounded close beside me. + +I looked up, and fairly trembled with terror and dismay. There stood +Mr. Eylton, gazing on me in surprise, as if quite at a loss what to make +of the circumstance; but as his eye fell upon the picture, I noticed +that an expression of sadness crossed his countenance. Not knowing what +to do with myself, and almost ready to sink through the floor with +shame, I stood with bowed head and burning cheeks, the very picture of +mortification. But there was no trace of anger in Mr. Eylton's tone, as, +kindly taking me by the hand, he drew me towards him and asked me my +name. I answered as well as I could; and still holding the picture, +remained in silent consternation. Mr. Eylton took it from my hand, and +sighed as he bent a deep, loving gaze upon the fair face. + +Prompted by a sudden impulse, I raised my eyes to his, as I enquired: +"Can you tell me where that little girl is now? I should _so_ like to +see her!" + +"In heaven, I trust," replied Mr. Eylton, while his voice slightly +faltered, and a tear stood in his eye. "She was my daughter, Amy--she +died some years ago, when very young." + +I felt almost ready to cry myself, when told that she was dead, and +gazed lingeringly upon the portrait as Mr. Eylton closed the box; and +placing it in the drawer, he returned to me again. + +"But, my dear child," said he suddenly, "Why did you open the drawer? Do +you not know that it was extremely improper?" + +"I did _so_ want to see what was in it!" was my rejoinder. + +Mr. Eylton seemed puzzled at first by this reply; but probably +perceiving that I had been too much left to myself, he proceeded to +explain, in clear and concise words, the nature and tendency of my +fault. "This curiosity, my dear child, is an improper state of feeling +which should not be indulged in. Suppose," continued he, "that on +looking into this drawer, you had perceived some article which you +immediately felt a great desire to possess; yielding to the temptation +of curiosity would thus lead to the sin of covetousness, and perhaps the +crime of theft might be also added. You would reason with yourself that +no one had seen you open the drawer, and forgetting the all-seeing Eye +which never slumbers, you might conclude that no one would know you took +the article which did not belong to you." + +The prospect of becoming a thief struck me with horror; and resolving +never again to meddle with other people's things, I begged Mr. Eylton to +forgive me, and entreated him not to inform Mrs. Eylton of my +misdemeanor. He smiled at the anxiety I displayed not to have it known; +and then taking a bunch of keys from a box, he proceeded to gratify my +curiosity with respect to the other drawers. These amply repaid an +investigation; containing numerous toys and trinkets of foreign +manufacture, among which were two or three small alabaster images. One +represented a beautiful greyhound in a reclining position; there was an +Italian image of the Virgin and Child; and some others which I have +almost forgotten. I was allowed to examine all these things at my +leisure; and when I departed, it was with a firm conviction that Mr. +Eylton was far more agreeable than his wife. + +Jane soon came in from the summer-house, after an unsuccessful search +for me through the garden, and was not a little surprised to find me +quietly established with Mr. Eylton. Towards sunset Mrs. Eylton +returned; and being graciously dismissed, we went home with the +impression that it had been altogether rather a curious visit. But the +afternoon dwelt in my memory like a golden gleam; and often I went over, +in imagination, that delightful investigation of Mrs. Eylton's drawers. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +We were generally besieged with visitors of all descriptions and +characters. My parents had one or two poor relations who made long stays +at every visit; and being generous, even to a fault, they loaded them +with presents at their departure, and invitations to come again. There +was one old lady, in particular, who engaged my fancy; she came to see +us quite often, and in the family went by the name of "Aunty Patton." +Aunty Patton was a widow, with very slender means; and boarded with a +married daughter, who had a large family of children, but very little to +support them on. Poor Aunty! she fared rather poorly at home, and did +_so_ seem to enjoy everything. She was particularly fond of fruit-cake; +and whenever she came, mamma took particular pains that this should be +one of the appliances of the tea-table. She possessed many wealthy +acquaintances and relations, and enjoyed visiting around among them very +much; praising everything that was set before her, and never +contradicting any one. It teemed impossible to put anything on the table +which she did not like; everything was "good," and "delightful," and +"just what she would have fancied." At length some cousin determined to +test her patience; and on one occasion, when the old lady happened to +dine there, the dishes, when uncovered, were found to contain nothing +but supaun and potatoes. + +"I am really sorry, Aunty Patton," began the hostess, "to be able to +offer you nothing better for dinner--but sometimes you know"-- + +"O," said Aunty, with rather a rueful look, "it'll _do_." + +Poor Aunty had that very day prepared herself for something uncommonly +nice in the way of dinner, and felt a little disappointed; but cousin +Emma soon restored her equanimity by a liberal display of fruit-cake and +other nice things, which presented themselves on opening the side-board +door. + +Aunty Patton had mild, winning kind of manners, and became a general +favorite in the nursery; probably on account of her always noticing us, +and pronouncing us "lovely little creatures." She appeared to me the +most heavenly-minded old lady I had ever seen; and I listened, with a +species of awe, to the long stories which she loved so dearly to relate +about everybody whom she visited. She was very short--not seeming to me +much taller than myself--and the cumbrous dress of the period was +calculated to make her appear much shorter. She would sit and relate +wonderful occurrences which seemed constantly taking place in her +daughter's family; one of the children would cut his foot, and for +sometime there would be danger of amputation--another urchin would upset +a kettle of scalding water on himself, and then he would be laid up for +sometime, while mamma turned the green-ribbon room topsy-turvy in her +searches after old linen--and once the daughter fell down stairs, and +was taken up for dead. They seemed to be an unfortunate family--always +meeting with hair-breadth escapes. Aunty Patton's reticule was always +well filled with good things on every occasion of her departure; and +very often a collection of money was added to the stock. + +Mamma sometimes endeavored to enlist our sympathies in benevolent +purposes. I remember, on one occasion, when I had been teasing sometime +for a new tortoise-shell comb to keep back my hair with, it suddenly +entered my head that it would be a well-disposed action to ask for some +money to give Aunty Patton. + +"Are you willing, Amy, to deny yourself anything," asked mamma, after I +had made my request, "in order that I may give this money to Aunty +Patton? It is no benevolence in you to ask me to give away money, unless +you are willing to do without something in consequence. If I give Aunty +Patton the five dollars that your comb will cost, are you willing to do +without it?" + +"Dear me," thought I, "being good is very expensive." I deliberated for +sometime, but finally answered, "No." My mother pressed the subject no +farther; but after a while I exclaimed with a comfortable feeling of +magnanimity; "Yes, dear mamma, you _may_ give Aunty Patton the five +dollars--and I'll get _papa_ to buy me the comb!" + +Mammy was a great judge of character, and when she once made up her mind +not to like a person, it was very difficult to make her change her +sentiments. My father once brought in a travelling clergyman, who +represented himself as very devout and unfortunate; and we all made +great efforts to entertain him. He was travelling West, he said, and +endeavoring to collect on the road sufficient money to pay his expenses. +My father invited him to remain with us a month; and he seemed very much +to enjoy the good things so liberally showered upon him--contriving at +the same time to render himself so agreeable that he quite won our +hearts. Mammy alone remained proof against his insinuations; he paid +assiduous court to her, and did his best to remove this unfavorable +impression, but the old nurse remained immovable. + +He once asked her for the key to the fruit-garden, when my parents were +both out; but Mammy stedfastly refused him. "She had orders," she said, +"not to let the key go out of her possession, and she didn't intend to +now." The wandering clergyman departed quite enraged; and reported +proceedings as soon as my father returned. He was very much displeased +at Mammy's obstinacy, and spoke quite warmly on the subject; but the old +nurse replied that "she didn't know but he might make off with half the +fruit in the garden--she didn't like the man's looks at any rate." + +I had then in my possession a little morocco pocket-book, a treasured +article, which I valued above all my other worldly goods. Sometime +before Christmas, I had observed it in a a shop-window with passionate +admiration; and on my return home, I threw out various hints and +inuendoes--scarcely hoping that they would be attended to. They were, +however; for on examining my stocking on the eventful morning, the +long-coveted pocket-book was found sticking in the toe--and what was +still better, well supplied with contents. I was in ecstasy for +sometime after; but wishing to do something to signalize myself, I now +placed it in the hands of the Rev. Mr. Motley for safe keeping. + +"Mark my words," said Mammy prophetically, "you'll never see a sign of +that pocket-book again." + +Alas! her words were but too true; circumstances came to light not very +favorable to the character of our visitor; and that very night the Rev. +Mr. Motley secretly decamped--mentioning in a note left behind, that +unlooked-for events had hastened his departure. My little pocket-book +accompanied him, as he quite forgot to return it; and Mammy's triumph +was almost as provoking as the loss. She had, however, with +characteristic caution, abstracted whatever money it contained; and the +reflection that the reverend gentleman had not gained much, gave her +considerable pleasure. The lesson taught me not to trust strangers again +too readily, and my father imbibed somewhat of a prejudice against +travelling clergymen in distress. Rev. Mr. Motley was never again heard +of. + +We once had a visit from a Captain Vardell, an acquaintance of my +father's, who had married a Spanish woman. This Captain had spent much +of his time at sea; roving about from place to place, until at length he +settled down for some years in Spain. He had no relations in America, +and but little money, so that of course my father's house, the usual +refuge of the needy and distressed, was at once his destination. He +appeared to us an indolent, good-natured kind of a man, and his wife +resembled him in the former quality, though quite deficient in the +latter. She could not speak a word of English, and would scold and rail +at her husband in Spanish for hours together. We did not understand what +she said, but we knew, by the flashing of those great black eyes and her +animated gestures, that her words were not words of love. She was a +large woman, with straight, black hair, that seemed to be always hanging +about her face, and rather handsome features. She spent most of her time +in playing jackstraws with us, or else lounging on the sofa; muttering +in rapid succession the words of a small prayer-book, which Captain +Vardell told us she always carried about her, as it had been consecrated +and given to her by a Spanish priest. She appeared to us very much like +a great overgrown baby; manifesting the most childish delight on winning +a game, and equally angry when defeated. Once, when in extreme +good-humor, she shewed us how to make beads resembling coral, from a +certain paste which she manufactured; but we never could extract from +her the names of the materials, and were obliged to content ourselves +with making them under her direction. + +Mrs. Vardell was so extremely lazy that she would never stoop to pick up +anything she had dropped. If her handkerchief or prayer-book fell to the +floor, she made motions for us to bring them to her; and when we +sometimes mischievously pretended not to understand these signs, she +would let the article remain until some one restored it to her. She +never seemed to experience the least emotion of gratitude, and received +all favors as a natural right. She was an extremely troublesome, +exacting visitor, and we were not at all sorry when the time of her +departure arrived. + +My father had exerted himself on their behalf, and at the end of their +visit handed Captain Vardell a handsome sum of money, collected from +among his merchant friends and acquaintances. People were much more +liberal then than now, and the case of the Vardells did not fail to call +forth their sympathy and generosity. The Spanish lady made her adieus, +if so they could be called, with an easy indifference--apparently +considering her fellow-mortals as machines invented for her sole use and +benefit. Captain Vardell presented us children with a handsome +collection of shells, picked up on foreign shores during his numerous +voyages; and some of them were very rare and beautiful. Most of them had +a delicate pink tinge, like the outer leaves of a just-blown rose; and +we amused ourselves fur a long time by arranging them in a glass-case +which my father gave us for the purpose. + +Among our visitors was an aunt of my mother's who lived in Waterford, +Connecticut; and being a widow, with quite a large farm to attend to, +her visits were never of long duration. I became very much attached to +her, for she often entertained us with long stories about the Revolution +and the aggressions of the British soldiers--about which you shall hear +when I come to tell you of the long visit I made there one summer. Aunt +Henshaw was very proud of her farm and farming operations; her cattle +and vegetables had several times won the prize at agricultural fairs, +and she boasted that her land produced more than any of her neighbors'; +who, being men, were of course expected to be more accomplished in such +matters. She appeared to delight in giving away things, and seldom made +us a visit without bringing something of her own raising. These little +presents my father always repaid tenfold; and Aunt Henshaw departed +without a new gown or hat, or something to show when she got home. I +believe that we generally anticipated more pleasure from her visits than +from any of the numerous friends who often favored us with +their company. + +But Aunt Henshaw, I must confess, won my heart less by her own +individual merits than a present she once made me, which actually +appeared to me like a windfall from the skies. I was always +inordinately fond of reading, and my predelictions for fairy tales +amounted to an actual passion. When Mammy and Jane's ingenuity had been +exhausted in framing instances of the marvellous for my special +gratification, I would often fold my hands before my face, to shut out +all actual scenes, and thus sit and dream of wonderful adventures with +fairies, witches, and enchanted princesses. I was always happier in a +reverie than in the company of others--my own ideals I could make as I +chose--the real I must take as I found it. Castle-building is a pleasant +but dangerous occupation; had I not been so much of an enthusiast, a +day-dreamer, it would have been better for my happiness. + +But to return to Aunt Henshaw and her present. Some school-mate one day +told me of the varied wonders contained in the "Arabian Kights." My +imagination, always excitable, became worked up to a high pitch by tales +of diamond caverns, flying horses, and mysterious Baloons under ground. +If I went to sleep, it was to dream of gardens more beautiful than +Paradise itself--of cooling fountains springing up at every step--of +all sorts of impossible fruits growing just where you wanted them--and +lamps and songs that gratified every wish. At length I could bear these +tantalizing visions of unattainable pleasure no longer; I put on my +bonnet and determined to go the whole rounds of the village until I met +with some success. People wondered what ailed me that afternoon; I +bolted directly into a room--asked if they had the Arabian Nights--and, +on being answered in the negative, went out as expeditiously as I had +gone in, and tried another acquaintance. I was not easily daunted, and +took each one in succession, but all to no purpose; I returned home, +fairly sick with disappointment, and hope delayed. + +The very next day Aunt Henshaw came down on a visit; and placing in my +hands an old-looking, leather-covered book, observed, "I happened to +come across this stowed away in an old chest, Amy, and knowing your +fondness for fairy tales, I have brought it for you to read." + +I scarcely heard what she said; I had glanced at the book, and on +seeing "Arabian Nights" traced in large gilt letters, the ground seemed +swimming before me, and I could scarcely contain my senses. Seizing the +beloved book, I made my escape as quickly as possible; and mounting up +to the cupola, a tiny room with glass sides, that commanded a view of +the country round, I effectually secured myself against interruption, +and soon became fascinated out of all remembrance. The day waned into +evening--the shadows deepened around--I remember fixing my eyes on a +brilliant star that seemed to come closer and closer, until it assumed a +strangely beautiful form, and I lost all consciousness. + +In the meantime a strict search for me had been going on below. They +began to be alarmed at my continued absence; and after examining every +room, the garden, and every spot on the premises, they sent around the +neighborhood. I was known to be extremely fond of visiting, and every +acquaintance was interrogated in turn--of course, without success. No +one had thought of the cupola, and mamma was getting fairly frightened; +when Mammy took a light, and on ascending to my dormitory, discovered me +fast asleep, with the book tightly clasped to my bosom. + +It afterwards yielded the boys as much delight as it had me; Fred, in +particular, had a notion of trying experiments upon the plan there laid +out. He had sat one afternoon for sometime with the book in his +hands--apparently resolving some problem in his own mind; Mammy was +stooping over the nursery fire, when she was suddenly startled by an +unexpected shower of water sprinkled over her head and neck--Fred at the +same time exclaiming, in a tone that seemed to doubt not: "I command you +instantly to turn into a coal black mare!" + +"I don't know what would become of you, you good-for-naught, if I did!" +returned Mammy. + +Some years later I read "The Children of the Abbey," and this opened a +new field of thought. My dreams, instead of being peopled with fairies +and genii, were now filled with distressed damsels who met with all +sorts of persecutions and Quixotic adventures, and finally ended where +they should have commenced. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +I had a boy-lover who always selected me as his partner in all our +plays, and kept me in pointers with blue ribbons attached to them, to +point out the towns on the large map in the school-room. Charles Tracy +was about my own age, but in disposition and taste he resembled my +brother Henry, and the two were quite inseparable; while his sister +Ellen and I formed an acquaintance through the fence by displaying our +dolls to each other--and this was the beginning of an intimacy that +lasted a long time for children's friendships. + +Ellen possessed a charm which often caused me to experience the +uncomfortable sensation of envy; her hair fell in long, golden-colored +ringlets upon her neck and shoulders, and these same curls seemed to +shake about so nicely whenever she moved her head. I sometimes thought +that Ellen shook them about much more than was absolutely necessary; but +at the same time they excited my warmest admiration. I felt as though I +could do anything--go through with all sorts of difficulties to have my +hair curl naturally; and with a feeling of unspeakable rapture I +listened to Ellen one day as she told me in a mysterious whisper that +the nurse had said eating crusts made her hair curl. + +_Eating crusts!_ What a discovery!--I immediately felt ready to eat all +the crusts in our house and every one else's. I bribed the children to +deliver up all their crusts to me, and commenced eating them with a +voracity that excited the surprise of all the nursery inmates. But +already, in perspective, I beheld my head adorned with long, glossy +curls, and I persevered, despite the laughter I excited. I devoured +crusts by the wholesale, but alas! no waving locks rewarded my patient +toil; and at length I had the pleasure of hearing that the crust +business was a fable, invented by Ellen's nurse to induce that young +lady to finish her odds and ends of bread, which she was very much +disposed to scatter about the nursery. It was cruel, after being +elevated to such a pinnacle of happiness, to find my hopes thus rudely +dashed to the ground; and my hair seemed straighter than ever, from +contrast with what I had expected it to be. Ellen was prevented from +wasting her crusts, and so far it was well; but the nurse lost by her +falsehood whatever respect I may have had for her--a loss which she +perhaps did not regard as such, or indeed trouble herself at all +about--but even a child's good opinion is something. + +I was very much inclined to be fleshy--too much so, I thought, for +beauty of figure; and this was another great annoyance. People in +speaking of us, always used to say: "What fine large children!" until I +hated the very sound of it, and wished most earnestly for Ellen's light, +fairy-like figure. I once resolved to starve myself into growing thin; +and, to Mammy's great surprise, refused to taste the dinner she handed +me, and resolutely persisted in going to bed without my supper. Mammy, +good old soul! watched me narrowly, not having been let into the secret +of my laudable resolve; and while she supposed that I had fallen into a +restless slumber, I was in reality tossing about on my trundle bed, +suffering the tantalizing pains of hunger. I remonstrated with myself in +vain; heard all the _pros_ and _cons_ on both sides in this perplexing +case of vanity _vs._ appetite, and finally resolved to satisfy my +hunger, cost what it would. + +But how to do this was the next question. Enticing slices of bread and +butter kept dancing before my eyes; and at length, when I heard the +snore which announced Mammy's departure to the land of dreams, I rose as +quietly as possible, and descended on a foraging expedition to the +pantry. How very nice everything did look! I stood for a moment feasting +my eyes with the sight, but oh, ill-timed delay! I had not tasted a +single morsel, when a low whisper fell upon my ear, and on turning, I +beheld Mammy gazing on me rather fearfully, while at her elbow stood +Jane in night-gown and cap, who was violently rubbing her eyes in order +to clear away the fancied mist, and thus convince herself that it was +really the veritable _me_ who was about to perform such an +unheroine-like part. + +This discovery seemed to me exactly like those tantalizing dreams in +which you are sitting down at a table covered with everything nice, but +before you have time to taste anything your visions are rudely +dispelled, and you wake and look in vain for the tempting paraphernalia. +I once bore this in mind after being several times teased in this +manner; and resolving not to be so deceived again, I succeeded in +regaling myself with a mince-pie--which appeared to me quite in the +light of a triumph. I now cast about me for some means to escape from +this disagreeable dilemma; and having heard Mammy whisper to Jane: "How +very wild she looks!" I found that they supposed me to be walking in my +sleep, a practice to which I was somewhat addicted; and not seeing why +sleep-walkers should not direct their course to the cupboard as well as +anywhere else, I boldly seized a loaf and commenced an attack upon it. + +"Let us wait and see what she will do," whispered Mammy. + +"It is very evident what she will do, now that she has the loaf in her +hands," replied Jane in a sleepy tone. "I do not believe that she is +asleep at all, but just as wide awake as we are. I have read a story +somewhere," she continued, "of a French girl who succeeded in persuading +people that she lived without eating; but at last some one watched the +girl closely, and one night discovered her at the pantry, regaling +herself with cold chicken sufficiently to go without eating for a week. +Now, Miss Amy has eaten neither dinner nor supper, and she may be +imitating the French girl, in order to be made a fuss with. I will speak +to her and see." + +"Not for the world!" exclaimed Mammy in terror, as she grasped the more +enterprising Jane. "Do not touch her--for I have heard of its killing +people to be awakened suddenly while in this state." + +Jane obeyed, although her face still wore an incredulous expression; and +I continued eating, looking as wild as possible all the time. The +nursery-maid began at length to fear that I would put an end to my own +life, if not spoken to; but Mammy still objected--murmuring as she +watched my voracious performances; "Poor child! how hungry she must have +been to come down and eat in her sleep! I wonder why she refused her +tea?" + +After a while, however, I became more sleepy than hungry; and Mammy and +Jane kindly conveyed me back to my little bed, where I slept soundly +till morning. I was not destined to reap much glory from this +escapade--not even the glory of being a sleep-walker; for Jane, looking +me steadily in the face, said: "Now, Miss Amy, I wish you to tell me +truly whether you were asleep last night, when you went down into the +pantry and devoured almost a whole loaf of bread! Now be a good girl, +and tell the truth, for you frightened us very much." + +At first I pretended stupidity, and inquired, "what pantry?" and "what +bread?" but Jane soon discovered that I knew very well; and while she +looked at me so searchingly I could not possibly frame a plausible +story--so, from sheer necessity, I told the whole truth, "and nothing +but the truth." My curious attempt at getting thin excited great +amusement; but Mammy told me that she knew of a better way than that, +which was to run up and down stairs as much as possible. I followed her +advice until I became tired of it; and during that period I was +universally acknowledged to be the most obliging child in the house, for +I was quite indefatigable in running on other people's errands. I became +discouraged, though, when I found that I remained as fat as ever; and +began tasking my brain for some other expedient. + +I had gone to Ellen Tracy's to enjoy a holiday; and, quite mad with +spirits, we roamed hither and thither, scarcely knowing what to do with +ourselves. At length Ellen proposed that we should go to "the boys' +room," and go we accordingly did. We would have recognized it as the +sanctum of two or three noisy urchins of the male gender, even had we +not known it beforehand. On the dressing-table stood a top, half-a-dozen +marbles, and a fishing-line; while the walls displayed various quaint +devices of their own drawing. There was a something which, Ellen +informed us, was intended for a ghost; but if so, he had a most undue +proportion of flesh on his bones, and looked far more like a giant. We +concluded to equip ourselves in male attire, for the sake of +variety--being heartily tired of frocks and petticoats; and Ellen's +pretty curls having been tucked up under a round cap, she looked so +fascinating that I felt quite ambitious to rival her--but in attempting +to draw on one of Charles' jackets, I found that it would not meet round +my waist. Oh, mortification unspeakable! to find myself larger around +the waist than a boy a whole year my senior! I could scarcely refrain +from bursting into tears; forgetting that I belonged to the dumpling +order, while Charles was as slender and straight as a young birch tree. +My pleasure for that day was gone; in vain Ellen displayed her whole +stock of worldly possessions to tempt my admiration. I scarcely bestowed +a look on anything, and returned home perfectly miserable. + +For days I kept my ears wide open in hopes of catching something that +might relieve my distress, and at length I met with some success. I +overheard a visitor telling my mother of some young lady, whose figure +they had been admiring, that she was nothing at all without her +corsets--a complete dumpling; and then followed a long digression on the +impropriety of imposing upon the public in this manner; but for that I +did not care--I determined to impose upon them too, as soon as I got a +chance. Soon after, a school-mate encased me in a remarkably tight pair, +during an afternoon's visit; and having, as she said, 'made me look +quite genteel,' I departed for home with the delightful consciousness of +being 'something of a figure.' Before bed-time I had a romp in the +garden with my wild brother and Charles Tracy; I experienced a feeling +of suffocation, while running through the paths, that became quite +insupportable. + +"Why Amy!" exclaimed Charles as he grasped my arm, "What _is_ the +matter? you look quite black in the face!" They all gathered around me, +but unable to speak, I sank back into Charles Tracy's arms, and lost +all consciousness. + +When I recovered, I found myself lying on my own little bed, with my +mother bending fondly over me--the cause of all this trouble on a chair +at my side--and Mammy, dear, good Mammy! regarding me with a puzzled +look of surprise. + +"Why, she actually fainted!" whispered Jane, "just dead away, like any +grown person!" + +"No," replied Mammy, "the child was dreadfully squeezed, and that took +away her breath. She'll kill herself next, with some of her capers!" + +Mamma now made a sign for them to be quiet, and stooping down close to +my face, asked me how I felt. I tried to answer, "better;" but the words +almost choked me, and I still experienced a difficulty in breathing. The +evil consequences of this attempt at the graceful were but temporary, +however; and the next morning, as I sat up quite recovered, a discussion +took place between mamma and the old nurse on the propriety of +equipping me at once in corsets to improve my figure. I soon experienced +the delight of possessing a pair of my own; on which memorable occasion, +I resolved that, like the old woman, I would "neither borrow nor lend;" +but the present was conditional--on the first instance of my lacing too +tight it was to be taken from me. I took care that this should never +happen--that is, to such a degree as to expose myself to punishment; but +in many a scene of enjoyment did I suffer the consequences of my foolish +vanity. Often while music, and dancing, and everything contributed to +render a children's party delightful, I sat apart in a corner, or else +went languidly through the figures of the dance, while every nerve +throbbed with acute pain. + +Ellen and I had for sometime noticed that Charles and Henry were more +together than ever. They seldom associated with us now, or asked us to +join them; Henry proved faithless with respect to a table he had +promised my doll, and Charles refused, for the present, to dig his +sister's garden spot; therefore we put our two wise heads together and +concluded that this must mean something. The moment school was out, the +cap was hastily snatched from its nail in the entry, and they both +sallied forth together--where, or for what purpose, we tried in vain to +discover. On Saturdays they were constantly at work in the barn, +hammering, and cutting, and shaving; and one day we detected them +making, over a fire which they had built on bricks in the open air, +something which smelt very much like molasses candy. But upon Ellen's +venturing to communicate this to Charles, he answered contemptuously +that "it was just like girls!--always fancying that everything was +something eatable!" + +The two made a journey to town together, and came back laden with sundry +parcels; and notwithstanding all this business, Henry found time to be +very industrious in weeding the flower-beds, for which my father paid +him so much an hour--and I noticed that he was uncommonly punctual in +presenting his bills. Without being very penetrating, we discovered +that the scheme, whatever it might be, was one that required a great +deal of time, a great deal of shopping, and a great deal of money. We +racked our brains in vain, and not a single mite of information could we +extract from the boys; indeed, we might just as well have attacked two +pine boards, for they pretended to be deaf as soon as we commenced our +inquiries. Ellen began to be afraid that they meditated living on some +wild island, like Robinson Crusoe, for she had seen Charles privately +appropriate a hatchet, and a ball of twine; and I inclined to the +opinion that they were both going to sea, and represented to Ellen how +delightful it would be to have them making voyages and bringing us +shells, and corals, and all sorts of curious things. But I was the +greatest philosopher of the two, for my more timid playmate cried +bitterly at the idea; and it was sometime before I could succeed in +pacifying her. + +We one day discovered the boys in an old barn on the premises; and +waiting patiently near by until we saw them depart on some errand to the +house, we perceived, to our great joy that the door was unfastened; and +effecting a hasty entrance, we expected to be almost as well rewarded +for our trouble as was Blue-beard's wife on entering the forbidden +chamber. But nothing could we see except a few old boxes turned upside +down, and along one side a neat row of shelves. We perceived indeed that +the small window now contained four panes of glass, and we also +discovered two or three little shelves there. But here our discoveries +ended; there was nothing to account for all the labor and privacy that +had been going on for the last two or three weeks,--and quite in +despair, we returned to the house before the boys discovered our prying. + +Things continued in this state for sometime longer; and finding that all +our efforts at discovery were not rewarded with the slightest success, +we assumed an appearance of proud indifference, and pretended to be as +much occupied with our dolls and baby-houses as they were with their +barn. Now and then one of the boys, in the tantalizing spirit of +mischief, would thrust a parcel under our very eyes, exclaiming at the +same time: "Wouldn't you like to see the inside, though? Confess, now, +that you would give your very ears to know what's in it!" + +"Indeed, and we would not!" in great indignation, "not we! We supposed +that it was some boys' nonsense not worth talking about, and were quite +occupied with our own affairs, without troubling ourselves about them." + +In a tone that sounded very much as though he were in earnest, Charles +would continue: "Suppose, Henry, that we let them know what it is, if +they promise not to tell--shall we?" + +"By no means," Henry would reply, with the air of a Socrates, "Women can +never keep a secret--I have heard my father say so." + +"We were sure we didn't want to hear their secrets!" and indignantly +clipping away with our scissors, we turned a deaf ear to all further +remarks. However, the secret did come to light after a while, and in a +most unexpected manner. + +We had just received a liberal allowance of pocket-money, and while +Ellen and I deliberated on the various ways in which it might be spent +to advantage, Henry asked us, with a perfectly grave face, if we had +heard of the new store lately opened near us? _New_ store! Why there had +never been any store at all, except the little stand kept by old Betty +Tweednor, and now Henry spoke of the new store as though such a thing +had ever existed. Certainly we had not heard of it; but resolving to +remain no longer in ignorance, we seized our bonnets, and were ready to +start in a moment. Henry looked very knowing and mysterious; but +following his guidance, we soon found ourselves at the barn which had +before excited our curiosity. Why, it had been turned into a regular +shop! Rows of candies, better known among children as "barber's-poles," +looked imposingly out of the window, and these were flanked by piles of +pea-nuts, apples, &c. But all these would have been nothing without that +delight of childhood--taffy-candy; and upon a further investigation, we +discovered a very ingenious pair of clam-shell scales, with holes bored +for strings to pass through, and suspended from a stout stick which was +kept in its place by being fastened to an upright piece of wood at each +end--the whole resting upon a very complete counter formed of old +boxes. It looked exactly like a real store; and behind the counter stood +Charles, as demure as possible,--while crowds of our schoolmates gazed, +admired, and wondered. + +A sign near the door informed passers that "the proprietors, grateful +for past favors and the patronage of a liberal public, would continue +the business under the firm of Chesbury and Tracy." It would be a +somewhat difficult task, we thought, to discover the favors and +patronage alluded to; but the young merchants had concluded that this +clause gave a dignity and air of reality to the whole. We experienced +the pleasure of making purchases, weighed out to us from the much +admired clam-shell scales, and were very particular in exacting full +weight. Each sale was recorded in a small account book; and long after +we had grown to the years of discretion, our mirth was excited by +accidentally meeting with this juvenile record. So many purchases were +made that afternoon, that the young storekeepers perceived with dismay +the very visible decrease in their supplies. We accused them of +retrenching considerably in their quantities, on this discovery, and +thought that they were too inexperienced for so weighty an office. + +Ellen and I often added to their stores by little pies and cakes which +we manufactured at home; and in process of time their articles embraced +such a variety that the shop became quite celebrated. Even mamma would +sometimes come to make purchases; and the boy-merchants found their +scheme a very profitable one. But alas! it vanished with the last summer +breath; the early snows surrounded their little store, and all access +became inconvenient. So they had a sale at prime cost--and we then +obtained most wonderful bargains in the confectionary line. Finding +himself quite wealthy now, Charles could well afford to be generous; and +presented me with a new doll, and his sister Ellen with a miniature set +of cups and saucers, over which we had many happy tea-drinkings. We +received no presents from Henry, and heard nothing of his money; and it +was not till some time after, and then through another source, that we +learned that his portion had materially helped to keep a poor woman +from freezing during the winter. My father often remarked of Henry, that +"he was too generous and self-forgetful ever to be rich;" but there is +no doubt that such have their reward--in their own consciences at least. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +The winter wore rapidly away with sleigh-riding, snow-balling, and our +usual parties; and spring, lovely spring! again made its appearance. Our +flower-garden looked its very loveliest at this season; for it boasted +countless stores of hyacinths, tulips, daffodils, blue-bells, violets, +crocuses, &c. I remember so well when we first noticed the little green +sprouts shooting up in spots from which the snow had melted; and on +making this discovery, we always danced into the house and shouted out: +"Spring has come!" It gladdened our very hearts to find the first little +violet that dared to show its head above the ground; and then we ran to +the peach-trees to look at the delicate pink buds that shot forth so +curiously without any leaves. There was a warm sweet breath abroad upon +the air that tossed our hair about, and fanned our flushed cheeks, and +we knew that it was spring, sweet spring! that had come again to us. Oh, +how delightful it was when, escaped from all watchful eyes, I could +throw aside the troublesome sun-bonnet, that so obstructed my sight, and +dig and delve at pleasure! Never in all my life have I been so happy as +in these delightful spring days, when I roved about the paths with a +heart full of happiness, and a sensation of thankfulness for the +blessings I enjoyed. + +Two circumstances contributed materially to immortalize this particular +spring in my recollections: I then completed my tenth year, which I +thought left me on the very threshold of womanhood, and we had two pet +squirrels, who inhabited the locust trees in front of the house, with a +tin cage to retire to at night--one of whom we called "blackey," and the +other "browney," from their different colors. + +"Blackey" was extremely mischievous, and rarely could be caught; but +"browney" seemed a perfect paragon of gentleness and goodness--and I +would seat myself on the steps, holding him for hours, and listening to +the monotonous hum of the locusts, which always filled my heart with a +sense of quiet happiness. Did you never sit watching the glorious +sunbeams, as they fell on the soft, fresh grass, and with this low, +soothing hum in your ears, feel that the earth was very beautiful? I +have; but then I was a dreamer--an unmistakable, enthusiastic dreamer, +and my fancies would, perhaps, be laughed at by the wise ones of earth. + +To return to "browney;" my love cooled for him very suddenly one +morning, as, with my finger in close proximity to his mouth, I sat and +apostrophized him thus, "You dear, little angel, you! I love you +dearly!" a sudden closing of sharp little teeth on my poor fingers put +an end to my rhapsodies; and the "little angel" was most unceremoniously +dropped on the ground, from whence he made his escape to his usual home, +the locust tree--and I never again sought to entice him from his +retreat. I ran about the walks as usual this spring, but it was with +languor and indifference that I visited our usual haunts; and I +wondered what it was that made my steps so very slow and dragging--it +seemed as though a weight were tied on each heel. If I attempted a race +with the boys, I was obliged to give up from very weariness; and +laughing at what they termed my laziness, they pursued their amusements +without me. Charles Tracy would now and then bring me a bunch of wild +flowers; and to the surprise of all, I preferred sitting with them in my +hands to joining in my usual noisy games. I grew pale and thin; and +Mammy and Jane began to express their uneasiness about me, while I often +noticed my mother's eyes fixed upon me in tender solicitude. + +I went to bed one night feeling restless and feverish. It was the latter +part of April, and a small wood-fire still burned on the hearth; on the +embers of which I fixed my eyes steadfastly, until strange shapes and +burning eyes seemed moving about the quiet hearth. I was quite alone; +Mammy had gone out to spend the evening, and Jane was taking her tea in +the kitchen. Had it been for life or death I could not have spoken; I +tried to scream--but a hollow sound rattled in my ears--and with the +cold drops gathering on my forehead, I lay still, subdued, in a state of +delirious agony. I was almost senseless; until at length, feeling a +touch upon my arm, and a breathing at my side, I started wildly up, and +eluding all pursuit, fled swiftly down the stair-case. I pressed my hand +tightly on my throbbing head, and gaining the kitchen, burst suddenly +in, exclaiming, "O! Jane! Jane! do not leave me again!" I sunk down +insensible; and remember nothing but a scream of horror which proceeded +from Jane, who, having just seated herself beside me as I sprang out of +bed, had followed me in a state of breathless alarm to the kitchen. + +When I again opened my eyes, it was about midnight. I had been conveyed +to my mother's room, and now experienced the delightful sensation of +finding myself in a high bed, with curtains; while my head was raised up +with pillows to an unusual height. In turning myself to obtain a better +view of the surrounding scenery, I became conscious of a stiffness in my +right arm; and fairly shuddered with horror on perceiving a basin of +blood close to my bedside. But worse and worse! a few paces further off +stood a grave-looking man, whom, from his very air, I knew to be a +doctor. Nay, had I been at all doubtful on this point, the addition of a +pair of spectacles would have convinced me at once--as this is an +ornament especially pertaining to M. D.'s. I had always hated, loathed, +dreaded a doctor as I would a nauseous object; and I now trembled to +find myself in his power--fearing that he read my dislike in my face. +Spectacles, too, disconcerted me; the glimmer of the polished glass +seems to add new fire to the eyes beneath; and I now beheld a pair, eyes +and all, levelled directly upon me. I shuddered at the very idea of a +doctor, and could never sit still in the room with one; and now there +stood that horrid man, evidently regarding me as his victim, while I +felt too weak and sick to make the least resistance. + +My aversion probably arose from the circumstance of once having had a +loose front tooth pulled out--one that was just ready to jump out +itself; which operation, I felt convinced, had left my system in a very +shattered state. Often since did I torture myself for hours by mounting +up on a table before the glass, and with a string tied around a loosened +tooth, give it a little cowardly pull at intervals--lacking sufficient +courage to rid myself of my trouble at once. I have sometimes sat in +this interesting position for a whole morning; and should probably have +continued it through the afternoon had not Fred, or Henry, perceiving my +employment, come slyly behind me and caused me to start suddenly, which +always dislodged the troublesome tooth. + +My eyes rested a moment on the doctor, and then glanced off to seek some +more agreeable object, and having found mamma, she seemed like a lovely +angel in comparison with the ogre who, I felt convinced, only waited his +opportunity to put an end to my life. Mamma came close to me, and +observing my gaze still bent upon the basin, she whispered softly: "Do +not look so frightened, Amy, you have only been bled--that is all, +believe me." + +_All_! After this announcement I wondered that I breathed at all; and +had I not been too weak should certainly have cried over the thoughts +of the pain I must have suffered in my insensibility. I made no reply, +but leaned my head droopingly upon the pillow; and Dr. Irwin, taking my +hand, observed: "She is very weak, and we may expect delirium before +morning." + +His first assertion received the lie direct in the strength with which I +pushed him off, as I would the touch of a viper; and clinging to mamma, +I cried: "Take him away, dear mother! Take him away!--Do not let him +come near us!" + +"What?" exclaimed the doctor good-humoredly, "are you afraid of me, my +little lady? Do I look so very frightful?" + +I was quite surprised at his pleasant tone, and on a nearer survey of +his features, felt my passion considerably cooled; but those odious +spectacles spoiled all. I remember soon after being raised up, while +some one held a cup to my lips, but whether the draught were good or bad +I was unable to determine. Dr. Irwin now took my mother aside, and +whispered something in a low tone, as he placed a small packet in her +hands. I heard my mother say: "I am afraid she will never take it, +doctor," to which he replied: "But she _must_ take it, madam--we cannot +consider a child's humors in the scale with her life." I now felt +assured that some nauseous compound was being prepared for me; which I +firmly resolved to fling in the doctor's face, should he dare to +approach me with it. I was a perfect fury when roused; and this fancied +cruelty excited my strongest passions. + +But Dr. Irwin wisely took himself off; and the next morning poor mamma +received half the mixture on her dress, while the other half found a +resting place on the floor--a few drops only having slipped down my +throat; while one of the servants heard my screams at the end of the +village, and the next door neighbor, prompted by humanity, sent to +inquire the name of the murdered party. The next dose was more +successful; mamma having spread out before my eyes all her possessions +which she thought likely to tempt me, I received permission to make a +choice, on condition of swallowing a spoonful of calomel jalap. I +further displayed my gentleness by biting Dr. Irwin's fingers when he +attempted to look at my throat, and the good man evidently regarded me +as a pretty refractory patient. + +I always had a great horror of being sick--that is, a real, regular fit +of sickness, where you are perched up in bed, and have to do as other +people please, and have only just what covering they please--when you +are not suffered to put an arm out, or toss off a quilt that almost +smothers you, or drink a drop of cold water. Once in a while, I thought, +to be just sufficiently sick to sit in the easy chair and look over +mother's pretty things, or daub with her color-box, while people brought +me oranges and waited upon me, did very well. I was not a gentle, timid, +feminine sort of a child, as I have said before--one who would faint at +the prick of a pin, or weep showers of tears for a slight headache; I +was a complete little hoyden, full of life and spirits, to whom the idea +of being in bed in the day-time was extremely disagreeable--and when I +had been "awful," according to the nursery phraseology, the greatest +punishment that could be inflicted upon me was to send me thither to +enjoy the charms of solitude. I was a female edition of my brother +Fred; not quite so prone to tricks and mischief, perhaps--but almost as +wild and unmanageable. + +Now and then Fred would come down in the morning pale, sick, and +subdued-looking; his head tightly bound with a handkerchief, and his +whole countenance expressive of suffering. A sick headache was the only +thing that could tame him; and a smile of ineffable relief sat on the +faces of the others as they glanced at his woe-begone visage. He was as +secure for that day as though chained hand and foot. My quiet hours were +when some fascinating book engrossed my whole attention; I drank in each +word, and could neither see nor hear anything around. + +But here I was, really sick and quiet, ill in bed for a whole +month--day-time and all; and oh! the nauseous doses that somehow slipped +down my unwilling throat! Sometimes I would lie and watch the others +moving around and doing as they chose, and then, feeling galled by my +own sense of dependence and inefficiency, the warm blood would glow +quickly as before, and springing hastily up, I determined to throw off +this weary feeling of lassitude. But it was of no use; all I could do +was to sink back exhausted, and "bide my time." + +When the first stage of my illness was passed, poor mamma, completely +worn out, would often leave me to the care of Mammy or Jane; with +numerous directions to see that I took whatever had been left for me by +Doctor Irwin. I always liked to have Jane with me, for I _loved_ her; +and the medicine never seemed to taste so bad when she gave it to me. +She had various ways of smoothing this disagreeable duty; and one night +when I had been rather obstreperous, she cut a pill in two and took +half, by way of keeping me company; saying as she swallowed it that +"perhaps it might do her some good." When I became well enough to leave +my bed I sat in a nice easy-chair drawn close up to the window, from +whence I could see the early flowers that were now blooming in full +beauty in the garden below, while some amusing book rested on my lap. I +remember that they brought me the very first strawberries that ripened; +and the neighbors were so kind that many a well-relished delicacy was +sent in "for Mrs. Chesbury's sick child." + +I was just able to run about, but still looking very pale and thin, when +Aunt Henshaw arrived on a visit. "What!" exclaimed she, "can this be the +madcap, Amy? Why, you look like a ghost, child! What in the world have +you been doing to yourself--studying too hard?" + +The old lady possessed no great powers of penetration, and not being +sufficiently discerning to distinguish between the love of reading and +the love of study, she concluded, from seeing me often with a book in my +hand, that I was quite a studious character. Aunt Henshaw remained a +week or two; and though not exactly sick, I remained thin and drooping, +and seemed to get no stronger as the season advanced. The state of my +health was canvassed over and over again in the family circle; and one +day, when they were all gazing upon me with anxious solicitude, and +remarking upon my pale cheeks, Aunt Henshaw observed: "She needs a +change of air, poor child! She must go home with me." + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +I was quite surprised at the effect which this remark produced. Although +an only daughter, I had never been much caressed at home--I was always +so troublesome that they loved me best at a distance. If I happened to +get into the library with my father, I was sure to upset the inkstand, +or shake the table where he sat writing--or if admitted to my mother's +apartment, I made sad havoc with her work-basket, and was very apt to +clip up cut out articles with my little scissors--which said scissors I +regarded with the greatest affection; in the first place because they +were my own private property, and in the next place, they afforded me +the delightful pleasure of clipping--that great enjoyment of childhood; +but they did so much mischief that complaints against them were loud +and long, and I quite trembled at an oft-repeated threat of taking them +away. + +My mother evidently disapproved of Aunt Henshaw's proposal, and my +father drawing me towards him affectionately, said: "I am afraid we +could not part with our little madcap--we should miss her noise sadly." + +The idea of being missed, and actually made a subject of argument, was +something quite new to me; and glancing in surprise from one to the +other, I awaited the issue in silence, scarcely knowing whether I wished +to go or stay. But Aunt Henshaw carried her point. She represented so +many advantages to be gained by the change, where I could run about +quite wild, rolling among the fresh hay, and breathing the pure +air--insisting that it must bring a color into my pale cheeks--that my +parents at length yielded. + +Now began the delightful bustle of preparation. My mother turned over my +scanty wardrobe with perplexed looks; and an immediate cutting and +clipping took place, by which old gowns of hers were made into bran new +ones for me. Nor was this all--some were bought on purpose for me; and +I had two or three delightful jaunts to the city, to choose the patterns +for myself; and I wondered if anybody ever had so many, new things at +once as I was about to have. I became quite a wonder in the family--a +person whose movements were of the utmost importance; for I was going to +be away from them the whole summer, and it seemed an almost endless +separation. Mammy was not at all pleased at their sending her child away +from her; the old nurse even cried over me, and insisted upon it that I +had always been a paragon of excellence, and that she could not live +without me. My father gave me some money to buy her a present, the +selection of which was to be left entirely to my own taste; and the sum +I expended in a manner perfectly characteristic: I procured a large +bunch of gay beads for Mammy, and presented Jane with the wonderful +history of little Red Riding Hood. Both treasured them as carefully, and +apparently valued them as highly, as if they had been better selected; +and being quite confident that they would prefer them to anything else, +I was much surprised at the disapprobation expressed in the family +circle. + +I gave Henry a little pincushion, which I made on purpose for him, and +not knowing what to present Fred with, I allowed him to rip open my +second-best doll, which was still in quite a good state of preservation. +Fred had always possessed an inquiring mind, and an inclination to +inspect the contents of everything, in consequence of which my +possessions often suffered--and this employment now afforded him the +most intense satisfaction; while I, with a certain feeling of curiosity, +and yet scarcely able to repress an effort for the rescue of poor dolly, +stood watching the proceeding. Nothing appeared, however, but saw-dust; +although Fred had positively assured me that he had no doubt we would +find a diamond ring, or a piece of money, at least--as people often did +where they least expected it; and it was partly this consideration that +led me to consent to the dissection, for we had made an agreement to +divide the spoils. + +Fred's head was always filled with wonderful schemes of this nature, +and if he had not been so lazy and fond of mischief he would have made a +smart boy; for he was always reading books containing wonderful +researches into the productions of former centuries; and being +particularly interested in the study of minerals and different species +of rock, he often endeavored to explain to me the various forms of +strata which were found below the earth; but my comprehension could not +take it in. He was continually poring over fossil remains, and digging +in the garden for something curious. He one day ran in with his apron +full of stones and other rubbish, and holding up in triumph an object of +various hues, through which a slight blue shade was distinctly visible, +he called out eagerly: "See, mother! I have really found some fossil +remains at last!" + +Mamma took the admired treasure in her hand, as Fred desired; and as she +did so, a smile that had hovered about her mouth grew deeper and deeper; +and finally her amusement burst forth in a hearty laugh. Fred seized his +prize indignantly, and after washing it with the greatest care, found +himself in possession of the spout of an old crockery tea-pot. We heard +no more of fossil remains after that; though he still pursued his +researches privately--having, I believe transferred his expectations +from fossil remains to golden treasures. He was hardly more successful +in this line, as he never found anything to reward his toil except a +solitary five-pence, that he mistook for a gold piece, and which +required more rubbing and scouring to make it distinguishable than it +was worth. Having sacrificed my doll on the shrine of sisterly +affection, not to mention the dross of private interest, I concluded +that I had done as much for Fred as he had any right to expect; and +employed myself in arranging sugar-plums in various attractive forms, as +farewell presents to my younger brothers. + +The eventful morning arrived on which I was to take my departure. It was +my first absence from home for any length of time, and I had scarcely +been able to sleep at all during the night--my mind being occupied with +the one all-engrossing thought. I scarcely dared to listen at first, for +fear I should hear it rain; but the sun shone brightly in all the glory +of a clear June morning, and springing out of bed, I dressed myself as +expeditiously as possible, for fear that Aunt Henshaw might go off +without me. "What then was my surprise, when after breakfast I saw the +old lady sit down as usual, and after carefully wiping her spectacles, +take up a book she had been perusing, just as if the greatest event of +my life were not about to occur that very day? + +"Why, Aunt Henshaw!" said I in a tone of acute disappointment, "Are we +not going to-day?" + +"Certainly, my dear," was her reply, "But the stage coach will not be +here till two o'clock, and I have all my things ready." + +What could I possibly do with the six intervening hours? I too had all +my things ready; and my spirits were now in a state that absolutely +required excitement of some kind or other. I tried to read, but it was +impossible to fix my thoughts on the subject--even the Arabian Nights +failed to interest me; and after wondering for some time at Aunt +Henshaw, who could view the near prospect of a journey that would +occupy two or three days with the most perfect composure, I proceeded to +my mother's apartment. I had not been there long before I got up a cry, +and felt more doubtful than ever whether I wished to go. But mamma +talked with me for some time; and having clearly ascertained that it was +my parents' wish that I should go, in hopes of benefiting my health by +the change, I comforted myself with the idea of martyrdom on a small +scale. + +I put my doll to board with Ellen Tracy until my return, at a charge of +so many sugar-plums a week; with strict injunctions not to pull its arms +or legs out of order, or attempt to curl its hair. I could not eat a +mouthful of dinner, but Aunt Henshaw stowed away some cake for me in a +corner of her capacious bag; a proceeding which then rather amused me, +but for which I was afterwards exceedingly thankful. The time seemed +almost interminable; I threw out various hints on the value of +expedition, the misery of being behindhand, and the doubtful punctuality +of stage-coaches--but Aunt Henshaw remained immovable. + +"As to its coming before the appointed time," said she, "I never heard +of such a thing. It is much more likely to leave us altogether." + +Dreadful idea! Suppose it should! I stood flattening my nose against the +window-pane in hopes of spying the welcome vehicle; but it did not even +glimmer in the far distance. Full half an hour before the time, I was +equipped in the wrappers which my invalid state required, impatiently +awaiting the expected clatter of wheels. At length it rolled rapidly up +to the door; a shabby-looking vehicle, drawn by four horses--and a +perfect wilderness of heads and eyes looked forth from the windows, +while legs and arms dangled from the top. It was quite full; and several +voices called out, "They can't come in, driver! It's impossible!" + +What a blank fell upon my hopes at these cruel words! The people looked +so savage and unpitying, and I thought that after all we must stay at +home--there seemed no crevice of space into which we could force +ourselves; and in silent consternation I surveyed Aunt Henshaw's +substantial proportions. But she was an experienced traveller; and +making her adieus with a degree of composure and certainty that quite +reassured me, she took me by the hand and advanced to the stage as +smilingly as though they had all invited her to enter. The driver's +eagle eye spied out a seat for Aunt Henshaw--a kind-looking old +gentleman took me on his lap--the door was closed, and away we rattled. +Aunt Henshaw, never much given to silence, found a congenial companion +in the gentleman who had given me a seat; they were soon engaged in an +animated conversation on the pleasures of farming, during which I went +to sleep--nor was I aroused until about two hours after, when we found +ourselves landed at the wharf. We went on board the packet, and +proceeded to the cabin, where I was surprised, amused, and rather +frightened at the appearance of the narrow-looking boxes which we were +destined to sleep in. But Aunt Henshaw assured me that there was no +danger; and I found from experience that I could sleep almost as well +there as in my own bed at home. + +The wind was unfavorable, and we were almost a week on the water; but +at length we reached New London and proceeded to Waterford. Aunt +Henshaw's family, I knew, consisted only of a daughter--her sons having +married and settled away from her--and to the meeting with this cousin +Statia, I looked forward with some anxiety. It was almost dark when we +approached the house; a real farmhouse, with lilac and syringa bushes in +front, and a honeysuckle running over the piazza. A little dog came out +and barked at us--a sensible-looking cat rested on the porch--and in the +door-way stood Cousin Statia. She kissed me affectionately, and appeared +glad to see her mother; and we were all soon seated around the table, +where fresh cottage-cheese, crimson radishes, and warm tea-cakes looked +invitingly forth. + +I was rather disappointed in the appearance of Cousin Statia; I had +expected to see a fresh, smiling-looking country girl, but I found a +stiff, demure-looking young lady, at whose age I scarcely dared venture +a guess. A little colored girl waited on the table, who evidently +surveyed me with a great deal of interest; for I constantly caught the +sharp glances of her little black eyes. She had been christened +Aholibama--a name which she told me was taken out of some story-book, +though I afterwards found that it was in the Bible--but this being too +long an appellation, they had abbreviated it to Holly. During a hasty +glance into the cheerful kitchen, I caught a glimpse of a very +nice-looking colored woman, who, I afterwards found, was Sylvia, the +cook. + +Everything looked very pleasant around, though plain; but I was tired +and sleepy, and at an early hour Cousin Statia conducted me to a small, +neat room in the second story, with white curtains; and after +ascertaining that I could undress myself, she left me for a short time, +promising to come and take the candle. I felt the least bit homesick and +wished very much to see them all; but I was also very much interested in +the novelty of a new scene, and anticipated a great deal of pleasure in +examining the premises. Aunt Henshaw had told me that she believed there +were kittens somewhere around, and I determined to search till I found +them; for a little pet kitten appeared to me the sweetest of all +created things. + +In the meantime, I began to experience a very uncomfortable sensation +that quickly swallowed up all other thoughts. Cousin Statia had taken +the candle, but it was a bright, moonlight night, and the beautiful +moonbeams that came dancing in and formed a perfect network upon the +floor, made the room almost as light as day. It was not very warm +weather, but I felt the perspiration pouring down, while I trembled in +every limb. My eyes were fixed with a sort of fascination on the +opposite wall, where the shadow of a figure seemed to pass and repass; +and every time it arrived at a certain point, there was a sort of a kick +up, as though with the feet behind. I looked all around, as soon as I +dared to, but everything was still except the tormenting shadow. I +scarcely breathed, but kept watching the queer figure, till I was almost +ready to faint from cowardice. I tried to reason with myself--and called +to mind how my father had endeavored to banish this weakness; how one +night on being afraid to go into the cellar, he had himself gone with +me and examined every corner, to convince me that there was nothing to +fear; and under the impulse of these reflections I sprang out of bed, +determined to investigate the mystery. I went in every part of the room; +I examined the window, the curtains, but nothing was to be seen, while +the figure still continued its movements; and almost sick, I returned to +bed, to lie and watch the shadow. All sorts of queer stories rushed into +my head; I tried to forgot them and think of something else, but it was +impossible. The movement was slow, regular, and punctual. + +At last I could stand it no longer; I rushed to the window, determined +to stay there till the mystery was explained, for I felt convinced that +I should find it there. I directed my eyes piercingly to every part of +the curtains; and at length I perceived that the window had been let +down at the top. I closed it, arranged the curtains differently, and +then, in some trepidation, returned to my shadow. It had disappeared; +and I now understood that the formidable figure was merely a part of the +curtain, which, influenced by the night wind, swayed to and fro, +causing the shadow on the wall. + +I do not think I ever experienced a cowardly feeling afterwards; that +night perfectly satisfied me that superstition was the most unreasonable +torture that could be inflicted on oneself; and I was ever afterwards +celebrated for my bravery. Even my father praised my conduct, and said +that it was pretty well for a girl of ten years, under such +circumstances--at the same time representing to me how much more +reasonable such a course was, than screaming would have been, to rouse +the household for nothing. I went quietly to sleep, and dreamed neither +of goblins nor ghosts, but of a dear little spotted kitten with a blue +ribbon around its neck. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +I did not wake very early the next morning, and when I opened my eyes, I +perceived Cousin Statia standing by my bedside, who had been endeavoring +to waken me. Her manner was rather solemn as she announced that Aunt +Henshaw was waiting for me to commence the morning services. At this +information I felt very much mortified; and springing quickly out of +bed, I was soon dressed and in the breakfast room. Aunt Henshaw sat with +a large Bible open before her; and after kissing me kindly, she read a +chapter, and then offered a short prayer. + +After breakfast, Cousin Statia proceeded to wash up the cups and +saucers, which she always did for fear of their being broken; Aunt +Henshaw proceeded to the poultry yard, and I accompanied her. She had a +large tin pan in her hand, filled with moistened Indian meal, with which +she fed the chickens; of which there seemed an endless number, both old +and young. Then we went to the barn-yard, and she showed me a young +calf; but it was an awkward-looking thing, that scampered about without +sense or meaning. But I had not forgotten the kittens, and I asked Aunt +Henshaw where they were. She said that she would look; and going into +the barn, we peered around, in mangers and out-of-the-way places, +without the least success; and we concluded that the old cat must have +hid them up in the mow. + +"Perhaps Holly knows, though," said the old lady, on noticing my +disappointment, "very little escapes her eyes, and we can at least call +her and see." + +Holly was called, but with not much more success than our hunt after the +kittens, so we were obliged to proceed to the kitchen--a wing on the +same floor with the parlor and dining-room. Holly was now visible, +peeling apples, and evidently glad to be released from her task, she +professed herself perfectly acquainted with the whereabouts of the +kittens. + +"But can we get them?" asked Aunt Henshaw. + +"Oh yes, Missus," replied Holly, "if you'll only 'tice the old cat +somewhere and shut her up. She'd 'spect suthin' if she saw me, and +there'd be no gittin' rid of her; and if she once ketched us at the +bisness, she'd scratch our very eyes out--cats is always dreadful skeery +about their kittens." + +There was something in this speech which grated on my ear as painfully +ungrammatical; and I resolved, on the first opportunity, to instruct +Holly in the rudiments of grammar. She remained in the kitchen while +Aunt Henshaw, after calling "pussy" in an affectionate manner, shut the +cat up in the dining-room; and our guide then led the way to the +kittens. The garret stairs turned off in two directions; one led to +about four or five steps, beneath which was a hollow place extending +some distance back, where Holly had often seen the old cat go in and out +in a private manner. + +"Now," said she, "you stay here, and I'll jest git the rake and rake +the kittens out for Miss Amy, here." + +"But I am afraid you will hurt them," said Aunt Henshaw. + +"It ain't very likely," replied Holly confidently, "that they're a-going +to be so shaller as to git hurt. They'll squirm over the points of the +rake, and take care of themselves." + +The rake was brought; and five little sprawling kittens, with their eyes +scarcely open, were soon crawling at my feet. "Oh, you dear little +angels!" I exclaimed in ecstasy. + +"Rather black-looking angels," said Aunt Henshaw with a smile. + +I took them up, one after another, and was quite at a loss which to +admire most. There were three black ones, one grey, and one white one +spotted. I rather thought I preferred the white and grey, while Holly +claimed the three black ones. We took them all to the kitchen and placed +a saucer of milk before them, while Holly let out the cat, that she +might see how well we were treating them. She looked around in surprise +at first; but then deliberately taking them one by one, she carried +them all off in her mouth, and we saw nothing more of them for some +time. + +I spent the morning in wandering about; and in the afternoon I sat in +the parlor with Cousin Statia, who was knitting as fast as her needles +could fly. I asked her for a book; and after some search, she handed me +the "Pilgrim's Progress," in which I soon became deeply interested, +while Aunt Henshaw took a nap in her chair. Towards evening the old +white horse was harnessed up, and we took a drive; Aunt Henshaw being +determined, as she said, to put some color in my pale cheeks. They +evidently thought a great deal of this old horse, whom they called Joe; +but I mentally compared him with my father's carriage-horses--a +comparison not much to his advantage. Cousin Statia drove, but Joe did +not seem much disposed to go. Every now and then he came to a +stand-still, and I quite wanted to get out and push him along. But they +saw nothing uncommon in his behavior, and even congratulated themselves +upon his being so careful. Aunt Henshaw said that such dreadful +accidents had happened in consequence of horses running away with +people, and that Joe's great virtue consisted in his being so perfectly +gentle. + +We did not drive very far, and on our return found that Sylvia had tea +all ready and waiting for us. The old colored woman was quite tasty in +her ideas, and had garnished an immense dish of strawberries with +flowers and leaves, through which the red fruit gleamed most temptingly +forth. After tea, when Cousin Statia had taken up her knitting, and Aunt +Henshaw was seated in her usual chair, I placed a low stool beside her +for myself, and begged for one of her usual stories. She was a very +entertaining old lady, with a great deal of natural wit, and abundant +reminiscences of the times in which she had lived. Nothing delighted us +more than to hear her stories of the Revolution, in many of which she +figured as principal actor; and I now expected a rich treat. + +"Well, I do not know," replied Aunt Henshaw in answer to my question, "I +think I must have told you all." + +This remark, I knew from experience, was the prelude to something even +more interesting than usual, and I waited patiently for her to begin. + +"Did I ever tell you," she continued, "of the time that Statia went to +her Uncle Ben's at night, with no one except her two little brothers?" + +I had never heard the narrative, and eagerly settled myself in the +position of a listener. + +"Statia," said her mother, "you had better tell the story--perhaps you +remember it better than I do." + +"It was a raw November night," she began, "and though it did not exactly +storm, the wind moaned and raged through the trees, blowing the fallen +leaver about in gusts, and making a pleasant fire seem doubly cheerful. +The large hickory logs were roaring and blazing in our huge fireplace +and my father, my mother, my two brothers, and myself were gathered +around the fire. I was the eldest, but I was then only twelve years old; +and yet, I remember always to have felt a great deal of care and +responsibility towards the other children I never can forget the night, +for I then experienced my first lesson of self-forgetfulness; and +whenever I speak of it, it seems as of something just passed. As I was +saying, we all sat by the fire, and had just been talking of the +British, who were dreaded and feared by us children as a race of ogres. +The door opened suddenly, and John, one of the hired men, stood before +us, his countenance expressive of some disaster. My father and mother +both rose in apprehension, and demanded the cause of his seeming terror. + +"Why sir," he stammered, "perhaps it ain't after all, anything so very +bad--there may not be any real danger; though it ain't exactly what you +would have chosen. I have just come from the post-office, and they say +that a party of British have landed about four miles below, and will +probably come and take supper with you. I do not believe they will do +anything worse, but it is best to be ready." + +My mother turned very pale, but she did not faint; she was a true +daughter of America, and always tried to repress all outward signs of +weakness. "I can load the guns," said she, "and attend to the +supper--but what will become of the children? These soldiers may perhaps +be intoxicated, and might set fire to the house." + +"They must be sent away," replied my father; "How long will it be before +the British get here?" he continued. + +"About two hours I should think," was John's reply; "and this being the +first farmhouse they pass, they will probably stop here." + +"Statia," said my father, turning to me, "it is my wish that you take +your brothers and go as quickly as possible to your Uncle Ben's, where +you will be out of danger. I must send you _alone_, my child, for I can +spare no one to accompany you. But it is not a dark night, and you are +well acquainted with the road. I see no other alternative." + +"I trembled in every limb, but I had been brought up with the greatest +deference for my parents' wishes, and should not have dared to dispute +my father's command, even had he told me to do a much harder thing. The +children began to cry, for they were afraid of being murdered on the +road; but my mother succeeded in soothing them; and well bundled up, we +received a kiss and blessing from our parents, and started on our dreary +journey. Here was I quite alone, except my two little brothers, who +clung to me as we went along, and cried with terror, with three long +miles before me, and the wind blowing around us with such fury that we +could scarcely keep our feet. My younger brother now complained of the +cold; and resolved to protect them at whatever cost to myself, I took +off my cloak and wrapped it about him. I had only a shawl left; and +wrapping my arms in its thin folds, while the children grasped my skirt, +we proceeded slowly along. It was fortunate for us that the moon shone +brightly, for, even as it was, I was puzzled about the way. But at +length we reached the well-known house, and surprised enough were they +to see us; but when we told them the reason, my uncle immediately +started for my father's house, to render any assistance that might be +required. The night passed, however, without the expected invasion; the +British proceeded in another direction, and our cold, lonely walk might +have been dispensed with. But my father called me his brave little +girl, and said that in future he could always trust me--while my mother +pressed us silently to her bosom, and as she kissed us, I felt the warm +tears falling on my face. She too had had her trial on that fearful +night." + +I felt very thankful that my parents had never required such a +disagreeable proof of obedience; for, not possessing the firm principle +of right which characterized Cousin Statia, even as a child, I should +have been very much disposed to resist their authority. + +"Well," said Aunt Henshaw, "that is a story of which Statia may well be +proud, but her telling it has just put me in mind of something else. I +once had a large jar of sour milk standing before the fire, which I was +going to make into cottage-cheese, when one of the servants came +running, in breathless haste, with the news that three British soldiers +were approaching the house. Plunder was generally the object of such +stragglers, and there was quite a large sum of gold lying in a bureau +drawer, which I felt very unwilling to part with. My husband was from +home, so seizing the money, I quietly dropped it all in the jar of +milk. I had just finished this exploit when the soldiers entered; and +after eating in a manner that made the children fear they would next be +precipitated down their capacious throats, they began to look about for +plunder. I tried to be as composed as possible, and this, I think, kept +them a little in awe; for they were perfectly civil in words, and did no +damage, except to turn things topsy turvy. They found nothing to suit +them, till spying a very good coat of Mr. Henshaw's, one of them coolly +encased himself in it and they all walked off together." I watched them +from the window, and perceiving that they had left the gate open, I +called out after them: "Be kind enough to shut the gate, will you? I am +afraid the pigs will get in." They stopped a moment, smiled, and then +did as I requested. "Ah, Amy," said my aunt in conclusion, "the +necessity of the times was a school that taught women far more of the +realities of life than they learn now-a-days." + +Aunt Henshaw fell into a long revery; and a pair of eyes, which had been +glimmering near the door for some time, suddenly disappeared, and I +heard the retreating footsteps of Holly as she took her way to the +kitchen. The little colored girl always kept her eyes and ears open, and +never lost an opportunity to gain knowledge of any description. A great +deal which she had stealthily learned was communicated to me during my +stay; and I am sorry to say that I was more hurt than benefitted by the +companionship. Aunt Henshaw, though kind, did not appear to me in the +light of a playmate, and Cousin Statia seldom opened her lips--being too +industrious to waste time in talking; so that, for want of more suitable +company, I descended to the kitchen. + +The next morning, having obtained Aunt Henshaw's permission, I went out +to feed the chickens; and having drawn them near the wood-pile, I +confined my favors almost exclusively to a sober-looking hen and five +little chickens. When the pan was empty, I conceived that I had well +earned the right, and putting my hand down softly, I took up a cunning +little thing and hugged it in delight. But a terrible flapping of wings +sounded close to my ears--I could scarcely distinguish any thing--and +dropping the chicken, I fell across the chopping-log. The old hen rushed +furiously at me, and kept beating me with her wings; while I, afraid +that my eyes would be pecked out, could do nothing but scream. Some one, +at length, picked me up; and when I ventured to look around, I beheld +Sylvia, who stood beside me, laughing immoderately. Holly soon joined +the company, and even Cousin Statia seemed amused; while Aunt Henshaw +carefully examined my eyes to see that they had sustained no injury. + +"I ought to have told you not to touch the chickens," said the old lady; +"for the hen would even sacrifice her life to protect them." + +But experience is the best teacher, after all--the lessons thus gained, +though more disagreeable, are seldom forgotten; and I never again +meddled with the chickens. + +This seemed destined, though, to be a day of misfortunes, to which the +chicken business was but a slight commencement. The evening was most +lovely, and I accompanied Holly, who bad gone to feed the pigs. A fence +separated the pen from the rest of the yard; and on this fence it was +Holly's usual practice to perch herself and watch the motions of her +charges. She looked so comfortable that I determined to follow her +example; and having gained the eminence, I looked around in triumph. But +oh, how sad to tell! but a few moments elapsed ere I found myself +floundering in the mire beneath; while the pigs all rushed towards me as +though I had been thrown there for them to make a supper of. Holly was +quite convulsed with laughter; but my screams now became terrific; and +calling Sylvia, the two extricated me from my unpleasant predicament. + +I was truly a pitiable object, but my white dress was the greatest +sufferer: while the tears that rolled down my cheeks grew blacker and +blacker as they descended. I almost wished myself home again; but +Sylvia, between her paroxyms of laughter, told me "not to cry, and they +would soon make me look as good as new--any how, missus musn't see me in +such a pickle." They fell to scraping and scouring with the greatest +zeal, and then placed me before the kitchen fire to dry. + +"How the pigs did run!" said Holly; "'spect, Miss Amy, they mistook you +for a little broder!" + +At this sally Sylvia laughed louder than ever; but perceiving my +distress, she observed, in a kind tone: "Never mind, Miss Amy, we can't +help laughing, you know--and you'll laugh too, when you git out of this +here mess. But we do really feel sorry for you, for you look reel awful; +I only hope old missus won't come in and ketch you." + +But in a few moments the kind face of Aunt Henshaw looked into the scene +of distress which the kitchen had now become, and surprise at my +appearance rendered her almost speechless. But she soon recovered +herself; and under her direction I was immersed in a tub of water, while +my unfortunate clothes were consigned to the same fate. After this +ceremony I was advised to go to bed; and thither I accordingly repaired, +thinking how forlorn it was to fall into the pig-pen on such a beautiful +evening. + +The whole household seemed disposed to bear in mind that unfortunate +occurrence; when about to fall into mischief, Aunt Henshaw would say in +a peculiar tone: "Remember the pig-pen, Amy!" or, when troubling Sylvia, +it would be; "I guess you learned that in the pig-pen, Miss Amy;" and +even Holly took up the burden of the song, till I heartily wished that +she had taken the plunge instead of myself. Before long they all +discovered that I was very prone to such scrapes; I dropped a very nice +hat down the well, which, for fear of its spoiling the water, they spent +a great deal of time in fishing up--I fell from the mow, but fortunately +sustained no injury; and Sylvia one day caught me skimming off the +cream--an amusement which I considered very innocent, but she speedily +undeceived me. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +Two or three weeks passed on very pleasantly, and I began to think it +time to write a letter home. I had made but little progress in the art, +and letter-writing always appeared to me a great undertaking; but Aunt +Henshaw, having one afternoon provided me with pen, ink, and paper, and +elevated me nicely with the large Bible and my "Pilgrim's Progress," I +sat biting the end of my quill, and pondering over some form of +commencement. I had already written "dear mother" at the top; at length +I added after considerable reflection: + +"I am well, and hope that you are the same. It is very pleasant here. No +more at present from + +Your affectionate Daughter, + +AMY." + +Aunt Henshaw pronounced this "very well--what was of it;" and Cousin +Statia smiled, though I could not well why; but her smiles were so few +and far between that they always set me a wondering. The letter was +sealed, however, and enclosed in a larger one of Aunt Henshaw's, who +probably gave a more detailed account of matters and things than I had +given. + +In the meantime, I was fast regaining the blooming, hoyden appearance +most natural to me; and Aunt Henshaw continued to write glowing accounts +of my improvement. In due time my scrawl was answered by a most +affectionate letter from mamma, to which was added a postscript by my +father; and I began to rise wonderfully in my own estimation, in +consequence of having letters addressed entirely to myself. I even +undertook to correct Sylvia for speaking ungrammatically, which made her +very angry; and she took occasion to observe, that she had not lived so +long in the world to be taught grammar by young ladies who fell into +pig-pens. One great source of amusement at Henshaw's, was to watch +Sylvia making cheeses. Sometimes she allowed me to make small ones, +which I pressed with geranium leaves; but one day, being a little out of +humor, she refused to let me have the rennet unless I could find it.--I +searched through the kitchen and everywhere for it, and spent the whole +morning in looking, till I almost despaired of finding it; but at length +I pushed aside a tub, and there it was. This was one of Sylvia's +peculiarities. She was an excellent servant, and having been a long time +in the family, Aunt Henshaw allowed her to have pretty much her own way. +Sylvia was not wanting in sense, and often, when the old lady thought +she had obtained the better of the dispute, she was, in reality, +yielding to the sagacity of the colored woman. Holly was a sort of +satellite, and evidently quite in awe of her superior; but Sylvia +regarded her as the very quintescence of laziness, and always delighted +to set her at some interminable job. It was much more to Holly's taste +to look after the cows and pigs, and wander about the premises, than to +wash dishes and peel potatoes; but she dared not resist the cook's +authority. + +One Sunday morning I was left at home, in consequence of not being well, +with strict injunctions not to get into mischief; while Aunt Henshaw, +Cousin Statia, and Sylvia went to church--the superintendence of the +house being placed in Holly's charge. I settled myself by the parlor +window with my "Pilgrim's Progress" and pursued the thread of +Christian's adventures; while I glanced from time to time on the +prospect without, while the hum of the locusts and lowing of the cows +came borne upon my ear like pleasant sounds. I laid down my book to read +a chapter in the Bible, and was enjoying a very pleasant frame of mind +when the tempter came, in the shape of Holly, and beckoned me into the +kitchen. + +Nothing loath, I followed eagerly; and the colored girl proposed that we +should have a small baking. The fire had been carefully put out in the +kitchen, and we concluded to make one on bricks in the yard. After +puffing and blowing with considerable energy, Holly kindled a flame; +and we then concluded to mix up some gingerbread, and bake it in +clam-shells As I heard the monotonous hum of the bees, and remarked the +stillness around, while everything seemed to speak of the Sabbath, my +conscience reproached me; and I was several times on the point of +turning back into the parlor, but I lacked sufficient courage to resist +Holly's glowing descriptions of our gingerbread that was to be. The +store-room closet was pretty dark, and Holly was obliged to go by +guess-work in selecting her materials, but all seemed right; and in +triumph we placed several clam-shells of dough on the fire to bake. We +worked very hard to keep up the flames, but the baking progressed +slowly; and we dreaded to hear the sound of wheels that announced the +return of the church-goers. It was done at last, and we sat down to +enjoy the feast. I broke off a piece, and put it in my mouth, expecting +to find a delicious morsel, but it had a very queer taste; and I saw +that Holly was surveying it with an appearance of the greatest +curiosity. + +"What is the matter?" said I, "What have you done to it, Holly?" + +"Well, I guess I've put in lime instead of flour," she replied. + +It was but too true; and just then we heard the sound of wheels, and a +vigorous lifting of the great brass knocker. Holly hurriedly cleared +away all signs of our employment, and then opened the door; while I +returned to my books, convinced that the poorest time to make +gingerbread was on Sunday, and in the dark. But Aunt Henshaw discovered +our proceedings through Sylvia, who complained that some one had dropped +molasses in the lime; which she soon traced to Holly, and I was never +left home again on Sunday, alone. + +"Once," said Aunt Henshaw, when I had, as usual, solicited a story, +"there was a report that the British were about to sack New London. The +city was a scene of hurry and confusion. Carriages were driving hither +and thither, laden with silver plate and other valuables, which the +owners were glad to place in the hands of any respectable-looking +stranger they met, for safe-keeping. Several pieces were placed in our +carriage; among others a handsome silver tankard and half-a-dozen +goblets, which were never reclaimed. I have always kept them to this +day." + +She showed me these articles, which were extremely rich and massive, and +the old lady always kept them carefully locked in a capacious +side-board; never taking them out except to look at. + +"Aunt Henshaw, did you ever see a lord?" I inquired. + +"Plenty of them," was her reply, "lords were as thick as blackberries +during the Revolution." + +"How did they look?" said I. + +"Very much like other people--and often pretty distressed." + +I was then surprised at this information, but I have since learned +better; for I have seen the House of Lords in England, and they are, for +the most part, a common, uninteresting-looking assembly. + +"There was a Lord Spencer," continued my aunt, "a very wild young man, +who was constantly committing some prank or other--though always +strictly honorable in repairing any damages he occasioned. He once, for +mere sport, shot a fine colt, belonging to an old farmer, as he was +quietly grazing in the field. Even his companions remonstrated with him, +and endeavored to prevent the mischief; but he laid them a wager that he +should not only escape punishment, but that he would even make the old +farmer perfectly satisfied with his conduct. They accepted his bet, and +anxious to see how he would extricate himself, they accompanied him to +the residence of the old farmer. + +"That is a very fine colt of yours," began the young lord, "I should +like to purchase him." + +"He is not for sale," replied the farmer, shortly. + +"I suppose not," rejoined the visitor. "But what would you value him at +in case any accident happened to him through the carelessness of others? +What sum would pay you for it?" + +"A hundred dollars would cover his value," said the farmer, after some +consideration, "but has any thing happened to him, that you ask these +questions?" + +"Yes," replied the lord, "I have unfortunately shot him--and here is two +hundred dollars as an equivalent." + +Lord Spencer won his wager, for the farmer had made at least a hundred +dollars, and being extremely fond of money, he could not regret the loss +of his colt. "This is a specimen, Amy, of what lords are; so do not go to +forming any exalted notions of them, as of a superior race of beings. It +was very cruel in Lord Spencer to shoot the poor animal--but it was +honorable in him to make up the farmer's loss, for it doubled the amount +of wages he gained; yet to sum up the proceeding, it was wrong--for +besides killing an inoffensive animal, it did not belong to him." + +Aunt Henshaw seldom failed to point out the right and wrong in her +stories, for she feared that I would be carried away with whatever was +most dazzling, and thus form erroneous impressions. It is an excellent +maxim that "people should be just before they are generous;" and did all +bear this in mind while admiring actions that often dazzle with a false +glitter, they would assume a totally different appearance. + +Every few days there was an inundation of different cousins who lived +but a few miles distant; and then there was so much shaking of great +rough hands, as I was presented--so many comments on my appearance, and +comparison of each separate feature with each of my parents--that I grew +almost afraid to look up under the many eyes that were bent upon me to +detect resemblances to the Henshaws, Chesburys, or Farringtons--which +last was my mother's maiden name. I became quite tired of telling people +when I arrived, how long I intended to stay, and how many brothers and +sisters I had. They were all very kind, though, and invited me so +politely to come and see them that I quite wanted to go; and Aunt +Henshaw promised to return their visits very soon, and bring me with +her. + +So one fine day we set forth on a visit to Cousin Ben's--a son of the +identical Uncle Ben to whose house Cousin Statia walked with her two +little brothers, on that cold November night. She pointed out the road +as we passed, showed me the very place where she had wrapped her own +cloak around her brother, the spot where they stopped to rub their hands +warm, and a cross-road which they came very near taking. The house was +plain, but pleasantly situated; and as we drove up to the door, Cousin +Ben, his wife, and two or three children about my own age, came out to +meet us. There was very little reserve among these country cousins; and +before long, I was on as good terms with my play-mates as though I had +known them all my life. We raced out into the fields, and feasted on +sugar-pears, which were then just ripe; and I found, to my surprise, +that my female cousins were quite as expert at climbing trees as the +boys. I began to feel deficient in accomplishments; but I was not +sufficiently a hoyden to follow their example, and could only perform +the part of an admiring spectator. + +A very quiet-looking old horse was grazing near by, and my cousins +proposed that we should have a ride. I surveyed the great tall animal +with dismay, and was frightened at the idea of being perched on his +back; but the boys lifted me up, and five of us were soon mounted, ready +for a start. It was our intention to proceed in this triumphant manner +to the woods to gather berries; but our proposed conductor evidently +disapproved the projected excursion, for, with a sudden kick-up behind, +he sent us all five rolling on the grass. My white frock was the +sufferer as usual; and scarcely any evil that has befallen me since, +ever affected me more than would the dreaded spot that always appeared +in the most conspicuous place whenever I was dressed up. It was always +the herald of speedy disgrace, either in the shape of being sent +supperless to bed, or deprived of going out next day. Mammy was +particularly severe on such occasions; it was provoking to be sure, +after taking the pains to dress me nicely, to find all her work spoiled +within the next fifteen minutes; but I did think it was not my fault, +and wondered how it always happened. My new companions could not +understand my distress in consequence of this accident; and with +trembling steps I went in to Aunt Henshaw, expecting to be kept by her +side for the rest of the day, and never brought out again. + +What was my surprise when, after examining the spot, she said, in a tone +which sounded like music in my ears: "Well child, you couldn't help it, +and it is well you were not hurt. After all, white dresses are poor +things for children to play in, and this is only fit for the wash-tub +now. But this is not quite so bad as the pig-pen--eh, Amy?" + +The color mounted quickly into my face at these last words, and gladly +obeying her injunction to "go, play now," I bounded from the room; while +Aunt Henshaw, I suppose, enlightened the company as to the meaning of +her question, and my evident confusion. Oh, if people did but know the +effect of kind words, especially when harshness is expected! I never +enjoyed romping so much in all my life as on that afternoon; Aunt +Henshaw had pronounced my dress "fit only for the wash-tub," and I +thought that before it proceeded thither, it might just as well be a +little more soiled as not. So we rolled about on the grass, climbed over +fences, and rambled through the woods without fear or restraint. With a +light and happy heart I set out on the journey home, congratulating +myself that I was not then to encounter the eagle eyes of Mammy. + +Aunt Henshaw, though perfectly willing that I should enjoy myself at +play, did not approve of my spending my whole time in idleness; and +under her superintendence, I felt more disposed to work than I ever had +before. With her assistance I completed several articles of dress for a +sister of Sylvia's, who was very poor, and lived in a sort of hovel near +by; and the indefatigable Holly having again discovered the kittens in +some equally out-of-the-way place, I at last, with a great deal of +difficulty, succeeded in manufacturing a warm suit of clothes for the +winter wear of the prettiest one. Having equipped the kitten in its new +habiliments, I carried it to Aunt Henshaw, as quite a triumph of art; +but when I made my appearance, with the two little ears poking out of +the bonnet, and the tail quite visible through a hole in the skirt which +I had cut for it, Cousin Statia actually indulged in a hearty fit of +laughter, while Aunt Henshaw appeared even more amused. She told me +that nature had furnished it with a covering quite sufficient to protect +it from the cold; but I thought that it must then be a great deal too +warm in summer, and had just commenced fanning it, when she explained to +me that the fur was a great deal thinner in summer than in winter. This +satisfied me; and releasing the astonished kitten from its numerous +wrappers, I presented them to Holly, and gave up all idea of furnishing +it with a wardrobe. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +At Aunt Henshaw's, my passion for rummaging drawers and boxes of +knickknacks was abundantly gratified. The old lady fairly over-flowed +with the milk of human kindness, and allowed me to put her things in +disorder as often as I chose. There was an album quilt, among her +possessions, which I never grew tired of admiring. The pieces were all +of an octagon shape, arranged in little circles of different colors; and +in the centre of each circle was a piece of white muslin, on which was +written in tiny characters the name of the person who had made the +circle, and two lines of poetry. This album quilt was a good many years +old; and had been made by the ladies of the neighborhood, as a tribute +of respect to Aunt Henshaw, on account of her many acts of bravery and +presence of mind during the trying times of the Revolution. + +The old lady was never weary of describing the grand quilting, which +took place in an old stone barn on the premises; when they all came at +one o'clock, and sitting down to work, scarcely spoke a word until six, +when the quilt was triumphantly pronounced to be completed; and taking +it from the frame, they proceeded to arrange a large table, set out with +strawberries and cream, dough-nuts, chickens, cider, and almost every +incongruous eatable that could be mentioned. Washington was then +President, and after drinking his health in cider, coffee, and tea, +which last was then a very precious commodity, being served in cups +exactly the size of a doll's set, they all in turn related stories or +personal anecdotes of the great General, of whom Aunt Henshaw never +spoke without the greatest reverence and enthusiasm. He died when I was +very young, so that I never saw him; but I have visited his tomb, and +his residence at Mount Vernon, and have also seen portraits of him that +were pronounced to be life-like by those who were intimately acquainted +with him. + +Aunt Henshaw had actually entertained La Fayette at her house for a +whole night, and she showed me the very room he slept in; while Cousin +Statia produced an album in which he had written his name. I always +experienced a burning desire to possess some memento of the +distinguished men whose names are woven in the annals of our country; +and seating myself at the table with the album before me, I spent +several hours in trying to copy the illustrious autograph. But all my +efforts were vain; I could produce nothing like it, and was obliged to +return the book to its favored owner. + +I delighted to spell out the album quilt until I knew almost every line +by heart; while the curious medley which these different scraps of +poetry presented reminded me very much of a play, in which one person +repeats a line, to which another must find a rhyme. When Aunt Henshaw +died, which was just about the time that I was grown up, she left the +quilt to me in her will; because, as she said. I had always been so +fond of it. I still have it carefully packed away, and regard it as +quite a treasure. + +But very often, during a voyage of discoveries through rooms that were +seldom used, I passed various boxes, and awkward-looking little trunks, +and curious baskets, that struck me as being particularly interesting in +appearance. But Aunt Henshaw always said: "Those are Statia's--we must +not touch them," and passed quickly on, without in the least indulging +my excited curiosity. Whether Cousin Statia kept wild animals, or +mysterious treasures, or old clothes, in all these places, I was unable +to conclude; but I determined to find out if possible. Having one day +accompanied her upstairs, she proceeded to unlock a large trunk which I +had always regarded with longing eyes; and opening them very wide, that +I might take in as much as possible in a hasty survey, what was my +disappointment to see her take out a couple of linen pillow-cases, +nicely ruffled, while at least a dozen or two more remained, together +with a corresponding number of sheets, table-cloths, napkins, &c.! All +of home-made manufacture, and seeming to my youthful ideas enough to +last a life-time. What could Cousin Statia possibly do with all these +things? Or what had she put them there for? I knew that Aunt Henshaw +possessed inexhaustible stores, and I could not imagine why Cousin +Statia found it necessary to have her's separate. I pondered the matter +over for two or three days, and then concluded to apply to Holly for +information on the desired point. + +"Why, lor bless you!" said the colored girl in a mysterious manner, +"Didn't you know that Miss Statia has been crossed in love?" + +Holly announced this fact as a sufficiently explanatory one; but I could +not comprehend what connection there was between being crossed in love, +and a large trunk of bran new things. + +"Why, I quite pities your ignorance, Miss Amy! In old times," continued +my informant, as though dwelling on her own particular virtue in this +respect, "in old times people didn't used to be half so lazy as they am +now-a-days, and thought nothing at all of sewing their fingers to the +bone, or spinning their nails off, or knittin' forever; and when gals +growed up, and had any thoughts of gittin' married, they set to work and +made hull trunks full of things, and people used to call them spinsters. +Now Miss Statia has been fillin' trunks and baskets ever sense she could +do anything, so that she's got a pretty likely stock--but no one ever +came along this way but what was married already, and that's the meanin' +of bein' crossed in love. But don't for your life go to tellin' +nobody--they'd most chop my head off, if it should come out." + +I asked Holly how she had ascertained the fact; "Oh," she replied, +knowingly, "there ain't much that escapes me. I know pretty much every +article in this house, and hear whatever's goin' on. Key-holes is a +great convenience; and though it ain't very pleasant to be squatin' in +cold entries, and fallin' in the room sometimes, when people open the +door without no warnin', yet I'm often there when they think I'm safe in +the kitchin. Miss Statia once boxed my ears and sent me to bed, when she +happened to ketch me listinin'; but it didn't smart much, and people +can't 'spect to gather roses without thistles." + +Holly often interspersed her conversation with various quotations and +wise reflections; but the idea of listening at key-holes quite shocked +my sense of honor, and I endeavored to remonstrate with her upon the +practice. + +"It won't do for you to talk so, Miss Amy," was her sagacious reply; +"you mus'n't quarrel with the ship that carries you safe over. If I had +not listened at key-holes, you'd never have known what was in them +trunks." + +The truth of this remark was quite manifest; and concluding that I was +not exactly suited to the character of admonisher, I never renewed the +attempt. + +Aunt Henshaw had boxes of old letters which she estimated among her +greatest valuables; and sometimes, when the sun was shining brightly +without, and the soft air of summer waving the trees gently to and fro, +the old lady would invite me in a mysterious manner to her room, and +drawing forth an almost endless package, open letter after letter, and +read to me the correspondence of people whom I cared nothing about. I +tried very hard to suppress all signs of yawning, for I wanted to be out +at play; but I must have been ungrateful not to exercise a little +patience with one so kind and affectionate, and she, dear old soul! +evidently considered it the greatest treat she could offer me. I became +in this manner acquainted with the whole history of her courtship; and +charmed with so quiet a listener, she would read to me till I fairly +fell asleep. But her thoughts being entirely occupied with the past, and +her eyes in endeavoring to decipher the faded hand-writing, this +inattention passed unobserved; and she pursued her reading until called +off by her daily duties. + +Dear old lady! how often have I watched her when she was asleep, as with +the neat white frill of her cap partially shading her face, she sat in +the large chair with her hands folded together, and her spectacles lying +on the book in her lap. She looked so pure and calm that I sometimes +felt afraid that she might be dead, like old people I had heard of who +died quietly in their sleep; but I could not bear the idea, and a +feeling of inexpressible relief would come over me when I beheld the +lids slowly rise again from the mild eyes that were ever bent lovingly +upon me. + +She bad a box piled with rolls of manuscript containing poetry, which +she told me she had taken great pleasure in composing. "Saturday +nights," said she, "when everything was in order, and, the next day +being Sunday, I had no household cares to think of, I would amuse myself +in composing verses that were seldom shown to any one. Mr. Henshaw was a +most excellent man and a kind husband, but he had no taste for poetry, +and considered it a great waste of time. Another thing that helped to +set him against it was an unfortunate poem that I composed on the event +of a marriage that took place in the neighborhood. The gentleman had +courted the lady for a number of years without success; and after +praising his constancy, I dwelt on the beauteous Eliza's charms, and +said something about winning the goal at last. But they were very much +offended; they supposed that I was ridiculing them, and said that I had +represented them as doing a great many foolish things which they had +never thought of. There was no use in attempting to pacify them--I had +thrown away my poetry where it was not appreciated; and Mr. Henshaw +exclaimed in a tone of annoyance: 'Now do, I beg of you, never let me +see you again at the writing-desk! You have done as much mischief with +your pen as other women accomplish with their tongues.' So I never sent +poetry again to other people; but whenever I felt lonely, I sat down and +wrote, and it has really been a great comfort to me. One of these days, +Amy, I shall give this all to you." + +When I returned home, the poetry was carefully laid in the bottom of my +trunk; but I have my suspicions that for sometime after Jane kindled the +nursery fire with it. While looking over her things one day. Aunt +Henshaw showed me an old-fashioned pair of ear-rings, which I admired +very much. + +"I intended to give these to you, Amy," said she, "but I see that your +ears have not been pierced." + +"Why, I thought those holes always grew in people's ears!" said I, in +surprise. "Have I none in mine?" + +"No," she replied, "they are always made with a needle, or some sharp +instrument." + +"Does it hurt?" I inquired. + +"Not much," was her reply, and so the subject dropped, but I still +pursued it in thought. + +I fancied myself decked with the ear-rings, and the pleasure I should +experience in showing them to Mammy and Jane; but then on the other +hand, the idea of the needle was anything but agreeable, for I could not +bear the least pain. I wavered for sometime between the advantages and +disadvantages of the operation. This state of mind led me to notice +people's ears much more than I had formerly done; and perceiving that +Sylvia's were adorned with a pair of large gold hoops, I applied to her +for advice. + +"Why, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, in surprise, "you are real shaller, if +you don't have your ears bored after that! Why, I'd made a hole in my +nose in half a minit, if somebody'd only give me a gold ring to put +through it!" + +"Who bored _your_ ears, Sylvia?" said I at length. + +"Why, I did it myself, to be sure. Any body can do that--jest take a +needle and thread and draw it right through." + +I shuddered involuntarily; but just then Sylvia moved her head a little, +and the rings shook and glittered so fascinatingly that I resolved to +become a martyr to the cause of vanity. The colored woman having agreed +to perform the office, and Aunt Henshaw and Statia being out for the +afternoon, I seated myself on a chair with my back against the dresser; +while Sylvia mounted the few steps that led to her sleeping-room in +order to search for a needle, and Holly endeavored to keep up my courage +by representing the fascinating appearance I should present when +decorated with ear-rings. + +Sylvia soon came down, with needle, and thread, and cork; while I began +to tremble and turn pale on perceiving the instruments of torture. I had +quite forgotten how disagreeable needles felt in the flesh; and Sylvia's +first attempt was brought to a sudden end by a loud scream, which would +certainly have roused the neighbors had there been any near. + +"Now, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, "I had your ear almost bored then. But +if you're going to cut up such didos I shall leave off directly--it +ain't no such great fun for me." + +She was going up stairs with a very resolute air, and again the +ear-rings flashed and glittered; and having by this time lost the acute +sense of pain, I called her back and begged her to proceed. + +"Now mind," said she, "if you holler again, I'll jest stop at once." + +I glued my lips firmly together, while she again adjusted the cork and +needle; but I could hardly bear it, and trembled like an aspen leaf. One +ear was soon pierced, while I felt the needle in every part of my frame; +and Sylvia was proceeding to do the other, but I jumped up suddenly, +exclaiming: "Oh Sylvia! I cannot have the other one bored! It will kill +me!" + +"Well, I wouldn't if I was you, Miss Amy," said she, "cos you can hang +both rings in one ear, you know--and that'll look real beautiful, won't +it, Holly?" + +Holly burst into a loud fit of laughter, and through the effects of +ridicule, I submitted a second time to the infliction. But it was +impossible to endure the suffering any longer; the color gradually +faded from my face, and just as Sylvia concluded, she found that I had +fainted. The two were very much frightened, and after almost drowning me +with water, they lifted me up and carried me to my own bed. Aunt Henshaw +soon came home, and her horror at my situation was only equalled by her +astonishment. Sylvia did not tell her the cause of my sudden illness; +but she soon discovered it by a glance at my ears which were much +inflamed and swollen, having been pierced in a very bungling manner. +Sylvia received such a severe reprimand that she was almost angry enough +to leave on the spot; but she had only erred through ignorance, and I +succeeded at length in reconciling her mistress. + +"But, my dear Amy," said the kind old lady, as she sat down beside me, +"Why is it that you are always getting into some trouble if left to +yourself for ever so short a time? You cannot tell the pain it gives me. +Why, an account of your various scrapes since you have been here would +almost fill a book." + +What could I reply? It was a natural and most unfortunate propensity +which displayed itself everywhere; as well with Mammy in the precincts +of the nursery, as when roaming about at Aunt Henshaw's. + +"But the ear-rings?" said I. "You will give them to me now, will you +not? I should _so_ much like to have them!" + +"And so you shall have them, dear," replied Aunt Henshaw. "It would he +cruel to refuse them after your suffering so much for them. But I never +would have mentioned them had I had any idea of such an unfortunate +result." + +Supposing that it would please me, she got them out of the case and laid +them beside me. They were very pretty, to be sure, but oh! how much +suffering those ear-rings caused me! My poor ears were very sore for a +long time, and I would sit for hours leaning my head on a pillow, in +hopes of easing the pain. And yet, when they were at last well, and the +ear-rings really in, I almost forgot what I had suffered in the delight +I experienced at my supposed transformation. They were the admiration of +the kitchen; and even Aunt Henshaw and Cousin Statia allowed that +ear-rings were a great improvement; and I began to think that on my +return home they would even throw Ellen Tracy's curls into the shade. + +The summer was passing away--harvest had come and gone; and while the +others were engaged during this busy season, I was to be seen perched on +every load of hay, from which I had of course two or three tumbles, but +always on some pile beneath. The kittens had grown large and awkward, +and consequently lost my favor; while the cat no longer put herself to +the trouble of hiding them, so that I could now have them whenever I +chose--coming like most other privileges when no longer desired. The +evenings were getting chilly, so that a fire was very acceptable; and I +loved to sit by the bright flame before the candles were brought in, and +listen to Aunt Henshaw's stories. + +"Now," said I one evening when we had all comfortably arranged ourselves +to spend the twilight in doing nothing, "do tell me a very interesting +story, Aunt Henshaw--for you know that I am going home soon, and perhaps +it is the last that I shall hear." + +"Well," said she with a smile, "if it is to be so very interesting, I +must think very hard first." + +Cousin Statia had been looking towards the door, when she suddenly +inquired: "Did you ever tell her about the bullet hole?" + +"Why, no," replied the old lady, "I do not believe I ever did. Have you +noticed the round hole in the front door, Amy?" + +I replied in the negative; and taking me into the hall, she led the way +to the front door which opened in two parts, and in the upper half I +distinctly perceived a bullet hole which had been made by the British; +and it was the story attached to this very hole which she was about to +tell me. + +"Well, one night," said she, "a long while ago, I sat by the fire with +the baby in my arms, while the other children were playing around. The +two women servants were in the kitchen, and Mr. Henshaw had taken the +men several miles off, on some business relating to the farm. It was +just about this time, before the candles were lit; and one of the women +came in to tell me that five British soldiers were approaching the +house. + +"Fasten all the doors then," said I, "and let no one enter unless I +give you permission." + +The doors were well fastened up, and before long I heard them knocking +with the ends of their muskets. I let them knock for some time; but at +length I raised an upper window, and asked them what they wanted. + +"We want some supper," they replied, "and will probably stay all night." + +"It is not in my power to accommodate you." I replied, as coolly as +possible, "nor do I feel willing to admit any visitors in the absence of +my husband." + +"If you do not admit us soon we will break the door down!" they +exclaimed. + +"Of that I am not much afraid," said I; "it is too well secured." + +I withdrew from the window, and for half an hour they tried various +means of effecting an entrance, but it was impossible. I approached the +window again, and they called out: "If you do not have the door opened, +we shall certainly fire!" + +"Do so," I replied; "there is no one to injure by it except helpless +women and children." + +I did not suppose they would do it--I thought it was intended only for +a threat; and was therefore as much surprised as any of the others, when +a bullet came whizzing through the front door, and passing through a +pane of glass in an opposite window, fell into the yard. A dreadful +scream arose from the servants, and perhaps frightened for the effects, +or perceiving my husband and the men, they made a hasty retreat; and I +was just ready to sink from fright when Mr. Henshaw came in. He told me +never to stop up the bullet-hole, but to leave it to show what women +were made of in the Revolution. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +Cousin Statia had completed her winter's knitting, Aunt Henshaw began to +make pumpkin pies, and the period of my visit was rapidly drawing to a +close. The letters from home grew more and more solicitous for my +return, and at last the day was fixed. I felt anxious to see them all +again, and yet rather sorry to lay aside my present state of freedom. I +had quite escaped from leading-strings, and found it very pleasant to +follow the bent of my inclination as I had done at Aunt Henshaw's; but +absence had banished all memory of the thorns I had sometimes +encountered in my career at home, and I thought only of the roses--the +idea of change being also a great inducement. + +Holly and I had passed whole afternoons in gathering hazel-nuts which +grew near a fence not far from the house; and having filled a very +respectable-sized bag with them, I felt quite impatient at the idea of +returning home well-laden with supplies, like any prudent housekeeper. +Aunt Henshaw was to accompany me, and selecting some of her choicest +produce, and an immense bunch of herbs, as antidotes for all the aches +and ills which human flesh is heir to, on a bright, glowing September +morning, we set forward on my homeward journey. "Blessings brighten as +they leave us;" and although I had been considered the torment of the +whole household, all regretted my departure, and begged me to come soon +again. + +"Now, Miss Amy," said Sylvia, as I was taking a long private farewell in +the kitchen, "jest take a piece of advice from an old colored woman what +has lived longer in the world than you have, and roasted chickens and +fried sassages ever sense she can remember. Buckwheat cakes is very +good, but to keep your own counsel is a heap better--so when you go home +don't you go to telling about that ere pig-pen business, or the time +when the old hen flewed at you, or tumbling off the old horse. People +that don't say nothin' often gits credit for bein' quite sensible, and +p'raps you can deceive 'em too; for you'll be kind o' made a fuss with +when you fust get home, and if you don't let on about all these here +scrapes they'll think more of you." + +Sylvia's advice struck me as being very sensible, and I therefore +resolved to act upon it, and endeavor to make them consider me quite a +different character from the hoyden Amy. I kissed Cousin Statia, who +took up her sewing as calmly as though nothing of any importance was +about to occur; and having delighted Holly's eyes with a bright ribbon +in which all the colors of the rainbow seemed combined, I presented +Sylvia with a collar worked by myself, and passed out to the stage, +which was waiting for us. Our journey home was quite an uneventful one; +and the wind being more favorable, we were not so long on the passage. + +My parents were watching for us with anxious solicitude; but when the +door opened in bounded a wild, blooming hoyden, in whose sparkling eyes +and glowing cheeks they could detect no trace of the delicate invalid. +Henry and Fred, with a troop of younger brothers, stood ready to devour +me with kisses; but Mammy, rushing impulsively forward, pushed them all +aside, and cried and laughed over me alternately, while she almost +crushed me with the violence of her affection. Before I was well seated, +Fred spied out the bag of hazel-nuts; and a vigorous sound of cracking +informed me that the work of devastation had already commenced. + +How they all stared at my ear-rings! But mamma turned pale and burst +into tears; while I stood still, feeling very uncomfortable, and yet not +being exactly aware of the manner in which I had displeased her. Aunt +Henshaw, however, with a minute accuracy that struck me as being +painfully correct, related every circumstance connected with that +unfortunate business, from her finding me extended on the bed to the +time when the rings were placed in my ears. + +"Oh Amy! how could you!" exclaimed my mother; "I have always despised +the barbarous practice of making holes in the flesh for the sake of +ornament," she continued, "but to have them pierced by an ignorant +colored woman! Come here, child, and let me look at your ears. They are +completely spoiled!" she exclaimed, "the holes are one-sided, and close +to the very bone! What is to be done?" + +Aunt Henshaw suggested that it would be better to let those grow up, and +have others made in the right place; but I still retained a vivid +recollection of that scene of torture, and did not therefore feel +willing to have it repeated. But the ear-rings must come out--they were +no ornament all one-sided; so they were laid away in cotton, while I had +the pleasure of reflecting on the suffering I had endured for nothing. +Being thus brought down at the very commencement of my attempt to be +sensible, and finding it less trouble to resume my natural character, I +concluded to disregard Sylvia's well-meant advice. I was very poor at +keeping a secret; so one by one all the scrapes in which I had figured +came to light, to the great horror of the others, and the delight of +Fred, who was quite pleased to discover a congenial soul. + +Mammy at length seized upon me again, and carrying me almost by force +to the nursery, she locked the door and sat down beside me; determined, +as she said, to have me to herself for a while. Having requested an +account of all the adventures I had met with, she listened with the most +absorbed attention while I unfolded the various circumstances of my +visit. Mammy was sometimes amused, sometimes frightened, and often +shocked, but generally for the dignity of the family; for as I had been +its representative, she feared that it would suffer in the eyes of the +country people. + +Time passed on; Aunt Henshaw returned home, and things proceeded in +their usual way. My vanity was flattered by the increased attention +which I met with on all sides; my parents appeared to consider me much +less of a child since my return, and I was in consequence almost +emancipated from the nursery; while Mammy and Jane no longer chided me +for my misdemeanors--which, to say the truth, were much less frequent +than formerly. + +But I soon after experienced a great source of regret in the departure +of Ellen Tracy for boarding-school. Not being an only daughter like +myself, her parents could better spare her; but we were almost +inconsolable at parting, and having shed abundance of tears, presented +each other with keepsakes as mementos of our unchanging friendship. Hers +was a little china cup, which I have kept to this day, while I gave her +a ring made of my own hair; so that, for want of Ellen's company, I was +obliged to take up with her brother's; and the boys complained that I +kept Charles so much to myself it was impossible to make him join any of +their excursions. + +It was my twelfth birthday; and on the evening of that day I feared that +Mammy's oft-repeated threat of leaving us, at which we had so often +trembled in our younger days, was about to be verified. A married sister +was taken very ill, and Mammy was immediately sent for to take care of +her; and indeed we were afraid that she would be obliged to stay there +altogether, on account of her nephews and nieces. How dreary the nursery +seemed after her departure! In vain did the good-natured Jane exert +herself to tell her most amusing stories; they had lost their interest; +and yielding to her feelings, she became at length as dull as any of us. + +In about a week Mammy returned; but we could see that she was changed; +her sister had died and left five children but illy provided for. +Through the influence of my father, different situations were obtained +for the three eldest; while the old nurse, with the assistance of +occasional charity, supported the two younger ones. But Mammy had +suffered from sleepless nights, and rooms but illy warmed; and her own +health failed during her ceaseless watch by the bedside of her sister. +We did not know exactly what it was, but felt very sure that Mammy +seemed no longer like the same person. + +Children who are kept at a distance by their parents and elders, often +have very queer thoughts, whose existence no one imagines. I do not +think I was an ordinary child; and notwithstanding my hoyden nature had +a very thoughtful turn of mind. I well recollect, on being once sent +early to bed for some misdemeanor I bribed my brother Fred to accompany +me; and waking up during the night, the saying that "he who goes to bed +in anger has the devil for his bed-fellow" came across my mind, and +impressed me so strongly that I caught hold of Fred's foot to ascertain +whether it was so disagreeable a guest, or my own madcap brother who was +lying beside me. Even the kick I received in return was rather welcome +than otherwise, as it proved beyond a doubt that it was really the +veritable Fred. + +But what has this to do with Mammy? you ask. A great deal, I can assure +you; for I began to fear that it was not the old nurse who had returned +to us, but some strange being, who, having assumed her appearance, had +not been able altogether to imitate her manner. So I kept myself aloof, +and felt afraid to venture too close; but she grew thinner and paler, +and my mother relieved her from all care of the children. + +I slept in a small closet that opened into the nursery; and calling me +very softly one night, she said, "Miss Amy, will you bring me a pitcher +of water? I know they would not let me have it," she continued as I +attempted to remonstrate with her, "but I am determined not to die +choking." + +I was very much frightened, but I could not see her suffer with thirst; +and bringing her a large pitcher of water, she drank almost half of it +at once. "Now place it on a chair where I can reach it," said she, "and +go back to bed--I shall be better soon." + +I did as she requested, and, childlike, soon fell asleep again. The old +nurse too slept--but hers was the sleep that knows no waking. They came +in the next morning and found her dead. Her features were peaceful as +though she had died calmly, and beside her stood the pitcher empty. She +always said that if she should ever be ill, she _would_ have water--she +would drink till she died, and she had literally done so. We all felt +very sad, and Fred broke forth into loud screams, on being told of her +death. + +It was my first realization of death--the first corpse I had ever seen; +and as I knelt beside the coffin, where the pale hands that lay +cross-folded on the breast, the motionless features, and the dreadful +stillness of the whole figure, spoke eloquently of the change that had +taken place, I thought of my many acts of wilfulness, ingratitude, and +unkindness, which had often pained the loving heart that had now forever +ceased to beat. Could I but see those still features again animated with +life, I felt that never again would my tongue utter aught but words of +kindness; but it was now too late for amendment--there was nothing left +me but repentance. + +My parents too grieved at her death; she had been in the family so long +that they were loathe to miss the old familiar face from its post in the +nursery. She was buried from our own house; and there were more true +mourners at her funeral than often fall to the lot of the great and +gifted. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +"Papa, have you any relations?" I asked one evening rather suddenly, +after pondering over the subject and wondering why it was that our +family consisted of no one but papa, and mamma, and us children; while +other people always had aunts, or uncles, or cousins living with them. +We had plenty, to be sure, who came and made visits at different times; +but I meant some one to live with us altogether. + +"What a curious question!" said my father, smiling, "And how suddenly +you bolted out with it, Amy, after at least half an hour's silence. You +must have thought deeply on the subject, but what put it into your head +just now?" + +Not knowing exactly what to say, I wisely remained silent; and turning +to my mother, he continued in a low tone: "Do you know that this random +question of Amy's has awakened some not very welcome reminiscences, and +pointed out a line of duty which does not promise much pleasure beyond +the consciousness of doing right? I ought to invite an addition to the +family without delay." + +"Are you joking, or in earnest?" inquired my mother, "And if in earnest, +pray whom do you refer to?" + +"You will soon find it to be most solid, substantial earnest," rejoined +my father, "for I must this very evening write a letter to Mrs. +Chesbury, senior, the step-mother of whom you have heard me speak, +inviting her to spend the summer with us. She has, you know, resided at +the South since my father's death, occasionally visiting her relatives +at the North; and as we have never yet been honored with her company, +that pleasure is still in store for us. My recollections of her, to be +sure, are not so very delightful. She was very severe in her discipline, +and continually checked my pleasures and enjoyments, which she usually +exchanged for some long, heavy, incomprehensible task; and at the first +blunder in recitation, off came her shoe, which she immediately laid +across my shoulders with the most unremitting zeal. I recollect her +whipping me one day when it really appeared to me that I had not been in +the least to blame. I was quite a little fellow then, and drawing my +hand across my eyes, I sobbed forth: 'I wish one of us in this room was +dead, I do--I don't wish it was me--and I don't wish it was the +cat--' Whatever I had intended to add was suddenly cut short; and I began +to think that it was rather foolish of me to subject myself to two +whippings instead of one. I have quite escaped from leading-strings +now," added my father with an expressive look; but the old lady may be +of considerable assistance in keeping you young ones in order. + +The children looked frightened; and Fred, being now too old to dread any +whippings on his own account, kindly undertook the instruction of his +younger brothers in the art of being saucy and playing practical jokes. +We were told to call her "grandmother," and treat her with the greatest +respect; but as I dwelt upon my father's account of her, like the +magician in olden story, I almost trembled at the visitor I had invoked. +The letter was written and despatched; and after a while, an answering +one received, in which the step-mother accepted her son-in-law's +invitation, "for the sake," as she said, "of the many happy hours they +had formerly enjoyed together." I sat reading in a distant corner of the +room when this letter was received, almost concealed by the folds of the +curtains; and the other children being out of the room, I overheard my +father say: + +"I do not remember much else but being whipped, and sent supperless to +bed; if they _were_ happy hours, it must have been on the principle of +the frogs--'What is play to you is death to us.'" + +My mother smiled; but she replied softly: "Perhaps she is changed now, +Arthur; do not say anything against her before the children, for she is +a stranger, entitled to our hospitality--and I would not have her +welcome a chilling one." + +In process of time the old lady arrived, accompanied by a colored +servant who answered to the name of Venus. Fred christened her "the +black divinity," at which she became highly offended; and ever after, +there was a perpetual war of words waging between the two. My +grandmother was a small, dark-complexioned woman, with an exceedingly +haughty, and very repulsive expression. She received all her +daughter-in-law's endeavors to make her feel at home as a natural right; +and appeared to consider other people intended only for her sole use and +benefit. As I glanced from her to my mother's fair, soft beauty, and +strikingly sweet expression, I formed a comparison between the two not +much to my grandmother's advantage. + +We soon found that the old lady had a great idea of taking the reins +into her own hands; the children were scolded, and threatened, and +locked up in dark closets, until, to use their own expression, they +became, most "dreadfully good," and never dared to show off under the +espionage of those eagle eyes. During the summer, our parents were +absent for some weeks on a pleasure jaunt; and Grandmother Chesbury +having the entire control of us, we were obliged to behave very +differently from usual. She kept us all in awe except Fred; but on him +it was impossible to make the least impression. If she tyrannized over +the rest us, it was abundantly repaid by the teazings of my mischievous +brother. + +The old lady was extremely violent in temper, and after irritating it to +the highest pitch, or, as he termed it, "putting on the steam," he +provoked her still more by his polite sarcasms and tantalizing replies. +The object of contest between them was generally the last word in the +argument; and when victory appeared to incline neither to one side nor +the other, my grandmother would exclaim angrily: "Hold your tongue this +moment, you impertinent boy! Not another word." + +"Yes'm," Fred would reply, with every appearance of submission. + +Having triumphed up stairs, he generally went in search of Venus, whose +anger was almost as vehement as that of her mistress. Her time, when not +attending to Mrs. Chesbury, was chiefly occupied by the duties of the +toilet; and Jane asserted that she had anxiously inquired if there were +no respectable colored gentlemen about the place? Venus always bestowed +a great deal of pains on the arrangement of her head covering, which was +profusely decorated with combs of various shapes and sizes; but "thereby +hangs a tale" which must be told. + +Good beef is very scarce at the South, and Southerners therefore +consider it a great treat when they come North. My grandmother was very +fond of it frizzled; and Venus being quite _au fait_ in the manufacture +of this dish, the old lady never allowed any one else to make it for +her. One afternoon, during my parents' absence, the children being +disposed of in various ways--some had gone out for a walk, two were +playing together in a closet where they had been locked up, and others +were rambling about the grounds--the house was pretty clear; so my +grandmother resolved to enjoy a treat in her own apartment. A small +table was nicely laid out with all the requisites for a comfortable tea, +and Venus then departed to the kitchen to dish up some frizzled beef. + +But it so happened that the odor of the savory dish, in its passage up +stairs, found its way to the nostrils of Master Fred, who had been +quietly engaged in some wonderfully wise researches in the library; and +as even philosophers are not exempt from the earth-born love of good +things, out rushed our student with a polite request that Venus would +"allow him to taste the trash, and see if it was fit to be sent to Mrs. +Chesbury." A scuffle ensued, in which Fred succeeded in satisfying his +curiosity; and with considerably ruffled plumage, and not in the +sweetest state of mind, Venus proceeded up stairs. Fred slyly followed; +and peeping through the key-hole of a door that opened into my +grandmother's room, he determined to watch the progress of the feast. +Things looked very tempting, and he had half a mind to petition for a +seat at the table; but he began to think that, even should he succeed in +his request, a _seat_ would be all he could gain; for the old lady +attacked the eatables very much in the style of a school-boy just come +home for the holidays. The frizzled beef rapidly disappeared, till the +bottom of the dish was scarcely covered; but suddenly ceasing her +attacks upon it, my grandmother took the dish in her hand, and pointing +to some black substance, interrogated the colored girl in accents of +mingled doubt and horror. + +"Why Venus, come here! What--what--what _is_ this?" + +"Why, la, Missus!" exclaimed Venus, while every feature brightened with +joyful surprise, "If there ain't my little comb, what I lost in the +scuffle with Master Fred! Who would have thought to find it here!" + +"Who, indeed!" ejaculated the old lady, in a voice scarcely audible. + +My grandmother did not leave her room that evening, and we were told +that she was ill; while it is scarcely necessary to add that Fred never +again interfered with any of Venus' cookeries. When repeating the story, +he always dwelt upon the ridiculous tableau presented by the horrified +looks of the old lady, as she pointed to the suspicious-looking +article--and the delight and surprise of Venus at recovering her lost +property in such an unexpected manner. He possessed a great talent for +drawing; and before long, a caricature appeared, which was a most +life-like representation of the whole scene. My mother shook her head, +and my father delivered a short, but expressive lecture upon the +improper nature of mimicry; but in the midst of an edifying discourse +Fred suddenly displayed the drawing in full view--at which all the +children burst into peals of laughter, and my father abruptly closed his +sermon, and frowning sternly, walked into the library; but we could +perceive a nervous twitching about the corners of his mouth, which +looked very much at variance with the frown upon his brow. + +My mother too, fixed her eyes steadfastly upon her sewing, and refused +to look up; which Fred saucily told her was only because she knew she +would laugh if she did. We were then told that we had been naughty +children, and sent out of the room; but somehow, we did not feel as +though we had been _very_ bad, or that our parents were very angry with +us, and skipping along through the garden-walks, we next sent Jane +almost into convulsions of laughter by a display of the picture. Mamma, +however, burned it before long; she said that it was highly improper to +ridicule our grandmother, even if she _had_ faults, and that we must +bear with her kindly, and not forget how few pleasures she enjoyed. Dear +mamma! she was too kind--too good; and often met with the fate of +such--imposition. + +I once heard of a lady who went to a house to make a call, and stayed +eleven years; this was somewhat similar to my grandmother's case--she +came to pass the summer with us, and spent her life-time. Whenever she +spoke of going back to the South, my father urged her to stay, and gave +convincing reasons why she should prolong her visit; and my mother, too, +kindly reflecting that the old lady had no near relatives and seemed to +enjoy herself with us, added her entreaties. At last they told her that +there was no reason why she should not stay altogether; and she appeared +to think so too, for she stayed. As we grew more accustomed to her we +liked her better than at first; she told us long stories about the +South, and related anecdotes of the greatness, and wealth, and +distinguished position of her own family, which she considered superior +to any in the United States. Venus too came into more favor; and after a +while we almost forgot the beef story. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + +Time passed on; I had almost reached my fifteenth birthday, and began +to consider myself no longer a child. I was very tall for my age, and +quite showy-looking; and gentlemen who visited at the house now treated +me with all the attention due a young lady; which flattered my vanity +very much, and made me think them very agreeable. I remember my father's +once sending me from the room, on account of some gentleman's nonsense +which he considered me too young to listen to; but I felt very much hurt +at such treatment, and almost regarded myself as some heroine of romance +imprisoned by cruel parents. Novels were a great injury to me, as indeed +they are to every one. Their style was much more extravagant and +unnatural than at the present day; and even at this early age, I had +read the "Children of the Abbey," the "Mysteries of Udolpho," the +"Scottish Chiefs," "Thaddeus of Warsaw," and many others of the same +stamp. + +But how did I obtain these, you ask? My mother, with her sense and +discernment, would not have placed such books in my hands; and you are +right. My grandmother was an inveterate novel-reader, but very careful +that her books fell into no other hands; so that the only means of +satisfying my taste for romantic reading was by stealth. Although novels +were proscribed, no other books were placed in my hands; there were then +scarcely any children's books published, and consumed as I was by an +inordinate passion for reading, was determined to indulge it without +being very particular about the means. How often have I watched my +opportunity when my grandmother had left her apartment for an afternoon +visit or drive, and then drawn forth the cherished volume from beneath +the pillow and even from between the bed and sacking bottom! so +carefully were they concealed from view. Sometimes, indeed, she locked +the door of her room, and took the key with her; and then all ingress +was impossible. + +What wild, foolish dreams I indulged in!--What romantic-visions of the +future that were never realized! How well I remember my sensations on +reading the "Scottish Chiefs." Wallace appeared to me almost in the +light of a god--so noble, so touching were all his acts and words, that +I even envied Helen Mar the privilege of calling herself his wife, and +then dying to lay her head in the same grave with him. I resolved to +give up all the common-place of life, and cling unto the spiritual--to +purify myself from every earth-born wish and habit, and live but in the +hope of meeting with a second Wallace. I persevered in this resolution +for a whole week; and then meeting with some equally delightful hero of +an opposite nature, I changed from grave to gay. My mood during these +periods of fascination was as variable as the different heroines I +admired. Now I would imitate the pensiveness of Amanda, and go about +with streaming tresses, and a softly modulated tone of voice--then I +would read of some sprightly heroine who changed all by her vivacity +and piquant sayings, and immediately commence springing down three +stairs at a time, teazing all the children, and making some reply to +everything that was said, which sometimes passed for wit but oftener for +impudence--and then again some noble, self-sacrificing character would +excite my admiration, and oh! how I longed for some opportunity to +signalize myself! A bullet aimed at some loved one, whom I could protect +by rushing forward and receiving it myself; but I was not to be killed, +only sufficiently wounded to make me appear interesting--disabled in the +arm, perhaps, without much suffering, for bodily pain never formed a +prominent feature in my ideas of the romantic and striking--I was too +great a coward; or else a plunge into the waves to rescue some drowning +person from perishing, when I wished just to come near enough to death +to elevate me into a heroine for after life. + +I looked in the glass, and seeing large, dark eyes, a healthful bloom, +and rather pretty features, I concluded that I need not belong to the +plain and amiable order, and began to wish most enthusiastically for +some romantic admirer; some one who would expose himself to the danger +of a sore throat and influenza for the sake of serenading me--who would +be rather glad than otherwise to risk his life by jumping down a +precipice to bring me some descried wild flower, and who, when away from +me, would pass his time in writing extravagant poetry, of which I was to +be the bright divinity. Old as I am, I feel almost ashamed to repeat +this nonsense now; and had I then possessed more sense myself, or made +by mother the confidant of these flights of fancy, I need not now relate +my own silly experience to warn you from the effects of novel-reading. + +Charles Tracy did not at all realize my romantic ideas of a hero; and +one bright day the dissatisfaction which had been gradually gathering in +my mind expressed itself in words. I had gone down to a lake at the +bottom of the garden to indulge in high-flown meditations; and Charles +Tracy stood beside one of the boats which were always kept there. + +"Come, Amy," said he, as I drew near, "it is a beautiful day--let us +have a row across the lake." + +"No," said I, twining my arm around one of the young trees near, "I +prefer remaining here." + +"You had better come with me," rejoined Charles, "instead of keeping +company there with the snapping-turtles. Well," he added after a short +pause, "if you will not come with me, why I must go alone." + +"Go, then!" said I, bitterly, "you love your own pleasure a great deal +better than you do me!" + +"Why Amy!" he exclaimed, coming close to me as though doubtful of my +sanity, "how very strangely you talk! You know that I love you very +much," he continued, "for haven't we been together and quarrelled with +each other ever since I can remember? And do I not now bear the marks of +the time when you threw the cat in my face to end our childish dispute? +And the scar where you stuck the pen-knife in my arm? And don't you +remember how you used to pull my hair out by handfuls? How can I help +loving you when I call to mind all these tender recollections?" + +This reply provoked me very much; and I answered energetically: "You do +_not_ love me!--you do not know how to love I When did you ever make any +sacrifices for me?" I continued in an excited manner, "When did I ever +hear you singing beneath my window in a tone meant for no ear but mine? +When did you ever rush with me out of a burning house, or encounter any +danger for my sake? When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at +midnight when all others were asleep?" + +During the progress of this singular speech, Charles Tracy's countenance +had gradually changed from the surprised to the amused; and when I had +concluded he laughed--yes, he actually laughed! What a damper of +sentiment! + +"Laugh on," said I, in a dignified manner, as I turned my steps +homeward, "that has now put an end to all." + +He was but a boy--I, a _woman_, for should I not be fifteen to-morrow? +and I walked away from him in contempt; while he quietly jumped into the +boat and rowed across the lake, whistling a tune. But I had not +proceeded far before a loud "ha! ha!" from my brother Fred sounded close +at my side; he had been an unobserved listener to the whole +conversation, now enjoyed the pleasure of teasing me all the way home. + +"That's right, Amy!" said he, "Keep up your dignity, child. What a rich +scene! _'When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at midnight +when all others were asleep?'_ Rather a hopeless watch, I'm thinking, as +you sleep in the middle room between mother's and the nursery; and +between you and I, Amy, you know that you don't burn a taper, but a +brass lamp; but that, of course, isn't quite so poetical to tell of. +Such an air, too!--what a rare tragic actress you'd make! Do say it +over, won't you? I have almost forgotten the beginning." + +I gave Fred a boxed ear, which must have stung for sometime afterwards; +and running hastily into the house, locked myself up in my own room till +tea-time. The next day was my birthday; and while my table was strewn +with acceptable gifts from all the others, I perceived among them a +very antiquated-looking cap and pair of spectacles, to the latter of +which was attached a slip of paper, on which was written: "To improve +the impaired sight of my dear sister Amy, produced by her declining +years; also a cap to conceal the gray hairs of age, and 'Young's Night +Thoughts' for the edification of her mind." + +I was almost ready to cry from mortification; but I remembered that I +was now fifteen, and took the articles down stairs for the purpose of +exposing Master Fred, but what did I get for my pains? In justification +he told the story of yesterday, in his own peculiarly humorous way; and +when I saw myself thus reflected, the ridiculous tendency of my words +and manner struck me forcibly, and I was almost ready to laugh. But the +others did that abundantly for me, while wondering where I had picked up +such notions; and Grandmother Chesbury, I verily believe, suspected that +I had been at her novels, for after that I never could find one. + +But although I was thus debarred from receiving any new impressions, the +old ones still continued in full force; and at last came the long +desired opportunity to signalize myself. I was then almost sixteen, and +the treaty of peace with England had just been celebrated. I remember +well the illuminations and festivities on the first night of the +proclamation, which we spent in the city at a friend's house; the +balconies were wreathed with flowers, lights blazed from every window, +crowds of beautifully-dressed women filled the rooms, and the sounds of +music and dancing were heard in every street. It was my first evening in +company--my first experience of admiration; and completely carried away +by the music, the lights, and the occasion, the old desire for some +signalizing deed came thronging back in full force, till I grew almost +bewildered. No opportunity offered that night; I could only join in the +festivities, and listen to the feats and praises of others; but towards +the latter part of the evening my eye was attracted by the brilliant +uniform and handsome appearance of a young officer who passed through +the rooms, and lingered a moment in a distant corner among a knot of +friends who crowded eagerly about him. His commanding figure, beautiful +features, and intellectual, yet sweet, expression, completely realized +all my ideas of a novel-hero; I saw my father speaking to him, and +immediately made signs to introduce him, but before I could catch his +eye, the officer had disappeared. Papa told me that Major Arlington's +father had been an old friend of his, and he would have introduced him +to me, but business called him in another direction, and he could not +stay a moment longer, but promised us a visit at an early day. + +You need not smile, Miss Ella, and look so knowing at the mention of the +name; how do you know that there were not two Arlingtons in the world? +How do you know but that it was his brother I married? How do you +know--but never mind, I will go on with my story. It was several days +after that eventful evening, which still left a vivid impression upon my +mind; the desire to perform some wonderful deed remained in full force, +mingled with visions of the young officer, and I wandered about, without +paying much attention to my ordinary duties. Papa and mamma were both +from home, and Grandmother Chesbury had locked herself up with a new +novel; while I was roaming about the grounds not far from the front +entrance. + +A sound of wheels suddenly struck upon my ear; I supposed it was some +visitor and paid not much attention to it; but before long there was a +confused noise of voices--a sound of plunging and rearing--and a +distinct crashing of some heavy vehicle. My evil genius led me to the +spot; I beheld a handsome carriage, which the horses seemed striving to +dash in pieces--caught a glimpse of a glittering uniform inside--and +following a wild impulse, sprang forward and endeavored to seize the +bridle. I heard some one say, "Take care of the young lady!" and then +the officer jumped from the carriage, while I was thrown down close to +the horses' feet. A confused hum sounded in my ears--and then followed a +long blank. + + * * * * * + +When I awoke to consciousness I found myself lying on a sofa in a small +sitting-room; but no one was bending tenderly over me--not even a +mother's face met my eyes--but the gossip of two women servants grated +painfully on my ear. + +"What under the sun possessed Miss Amy to go and cut up such a caper as +that!" said one of them, "All the mischief she's done this day won't be +done away with for weeks to come." + +"No, indeed!" rejoined the other, "that young officer is a fixture here +for six weeks at least. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor are broken legs +healed in ten minutes--and such a beauty as he is, too! It's shameful to +think of!" + +"If she'd only let him alone, he'd done well enough--but she must go and +jump right under the horses' feet, so that, of course, he had to spring +out to prevent her being killed, and that broke his leg, while she +wasn't hurt a bit. Speaking of beauties, if Miss Amy could only have +seen herself then!--spotted with mud from head to foot, and her hair +flying in all directions!" + +On hearing that I was not hurt, I sprang from the sofa and rushed to the +glass, where I encountered the reflection of a most pitiable-looking +figure. Even my face was daubed with mud and dirt, and I looked like a +veritable fright. Shame, mortification, and sorrow for my heedless +conduct almost overwhelmed me. In the selfish desire to signalize +myself, I had hazarded the life of a fellow-being, and brought upon him +weeks of suffering which no act of mine could now alleviate. The tears +rolled down my cheeks; but having ascertained that my parents had not +yet returned, I cut short the gossip of the servants, and ordering them +to bring me some water, I arranged my disordered dress for a visit to +the sufferer's apartment. + +Doctor Irwin had been instantly sent for; and when I entered the room, +he was seated by his patient's bedside, while Major Arlington lay with +closed eyes and pallid features in a kind of sleep or stupor. + +"Miss Amy," whispered the doctor, "this is a sad business--and your +parents from home, too. What will be their feelings on their return?" + +I glanced at the motionless figure of the young officer, and too much +ashamed to reply, hung my head in silence. + +"Are you sure that you were not at all hurt, my dear child?" he +continued in a kind tone; "What a very wild proceeding it was to throw +yourself into the melée! If two men could not manage the horses, could +you suppose that your strength would be sufficient. You should have +reasoned with yourself before taking such a step, for you see the +unfortunate effects of it." + +_Reason!_ there was not the least particle of reason in my whole +composition; this was a wild, impulsive act, performed without the least +thought for the probable consequences, and I now stood gazing on the +wreck I had made, in silent bewilderment. My parents soon returned; and +hurrying to the apartment with countenances of astonishment and fear, +there realized a confirmation of the dreadful accounts they had been +assailed with. "And who was the author of all this mischief? _Amy_." My +eyes drooped under the stern, reproving glances I encountered, and I +crept about the house like a guilty thing--fervently wishing for the +bodily suffering I had brought upon the victim of my wild attempt, +instead of the pain of mind with which I was tormented. + +Days passed on, but the lapse of time was unheeded by me; my post was by +the bedside of the sufferer--my employment to anticipate his slightest +wish, and yield to every humor. As he grew better I read to him, sung to +him, talked to him; and in return received the grateful glances of those +expressive eyes, which followed me about whenever I moved from his side. +At length he could sit up in his apartment, and then walk slowly through +the grounds, with the assistance of a heavy cane on one side and my arm +on the other; till at last he was pronounced to be as well as other +people; or, as Dr. Irwin expressed it, "as good as new." Your eyes are +brightening up, Ella, in anticipation of a most sentimental love-tale; +but I shall not gratify your desire of laughing at your grandmother's +folly; but shall only say, that before he left, I had promised, with the +consent of my parents, to become Mrs. Arlington. I was married at +eighteen, and, strange to say, to one who appeared a realization of all +my girlish fancies; he was noble-minded, warm-hearted, and almost as +enthusiastic as myself--with a sweetness of temper which I have never +seen raffled, except by some act of injustice or cruelty. + +But do not flatter yourself, Ella, that life glided on with me like the +pages of a romance; I was obliged to lay aside a great many silly +theories which I had indulged in, and come to plain reality much oftener +than suited my inclination. A _perfect_ person is not to be found upon +earth; when disposed to murmur at not meeting with the sacrifices you +expect, ask yourself if you would be willing to make these sacrifices +for another--and then be not surprised that others are not more free +from the dross of self-consideration than you are. Also, do not suppose +that it was my hair-brained performance at our first meeting which +attracted my husband's affections; no, often has the color mounted to my +face at his reference to that scene, and his own impressions then. + +"You reminded me, Amy," he would say, laughing, "of some reckless sprite +from the kingdom of misrule, who had flown into the scene, determined to +make all the trouble she could. It was very chivalrous of you, to be +sure, and I ought to be very grateful--but I must own that I felt +exceedingly provoked at being obliged to risk my life by springing out +to rescue you from the horses' hoofs. But never mind, _chere amie_" he +would add as he saw the hot tears starting to my eyes, while face, neck, +and brow, were suffused with the hue of mortification, "there was an +after-page in the sick-room, when I beheld, with surprise, my crazy +heroine transformed into the demure, and gentle nurse, and learned to +distinguish a soft-toned voice, which always lingered in my ears like +pleasant music; so that after all, I am really indebted to you, Amy, for +making me break my leg--for, if you had not done so, I am afraid I never +should have discovered my jewel of a wife." + +So much for my romance; but the scene generally ended with the kiss of +reconciliation, and I, too, learned to smile at my act of girlish folly. + +"My tale is told; my parents have long slept beside each other, where the +long grass waves over them--my elder brothers are still living--my +brother Henry is a beloved and venerated clergyman in one of our large +cities--while the wild, hair-brained Fred became a talented lawyer in +the same place where he is universally respected. The rest of my +brothers are all dead; and we three only survive out of a family of +nine. Perhaps at some future time I may give you an account of my +residence in England; but I must now conclude my adventures for the +present." + +Here ended my grandmother's history, which had afforded us many evenings +of amusement. We were both surprised and pleased at her frankness in +speaking of her faults and mischievous acts; and could indeed hardly +comprehend that the very sensible, dignified lady before us had ever +been such an odd, harum-scarum sort of character--yet so it was, and she +had kindly related her own experience for our improvement. The last +chapter was intended more especially for my own particular edification; +but we all laughed heartily at my grandmother's ideas of signalizing +herself. That room is to us a charmed spot; and we look forward most +anxiously to the time when she is to begin an account of her life in +England. + + +THE END + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Grandmother's Recollections, by Ella Rodman + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS *** + +***** This file should be named 11427-8.txt or 11427-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/4/2/11427/ + +Produced by Internet Archive; University of Florida, Children, Amy +Petri and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Grandmother's Recollections + +Author: Ella Rodman + +Release Date: March 3, 2004 [EBook #11427] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS *** + + + + +Produced by Internet Archive; University of Florida, Children, Amy +Petri and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:50%;"><a href="Images/fly2.jpg"><img width = "100%" src="Images/fly2.jpg" alt="" /></a></div><br></br> + +<h1>A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS.</h1> + +<h2>BY ELLA RODMAN.</h2> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"></hr> + +<h3>1851.</h3> + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> + +<h4>A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS.</h4> + + +<center> +<!-- Autogenerated TOC. Modify or delete as required. --> + <a href="#CHAPTER_I"><b>CHAPTER I.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_II"><b>CHAPTER II.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_III"><b>CHAPTER III.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_IV"><b>CHAPTER IV.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_V"><b>CHAPTER V.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_VI"><b>CHAPTER VI.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_VII"><b>CHAPTER VII.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_VIII"><b>CHAPTER VIII.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_IX"><b>CHAPTER IX.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_X"><b>CHAPTER X.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_XI"><b>CHAPTER XI.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_XII"><b>CHAPTER XII.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_XIII"><b>CHAPTER XIII.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_XIV"><b>CHAPTER XIV.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_XV"><b>CHAPTER XV.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_XVI"><b>CHAPTER XVI.</b></a><br></br><br></br> +<!-- End Autogenerated TOC. --> +</center> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:50%;"><a href="Images/spine.jpg"><img width = "12%" +src="Images/spine.jpg" alt="" /></a></div> + +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page005" id="page005"></a>[pg 005]</span> +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_I"></a><h2>CHAPTER I.</h2> +<br></br> + +<p>The best bed-chamber, with its hangings of crimson moreen, was opened +and aired—a performance which always caused my eight little brothers +and sisters to place themselves in convenient positions for being +stumbled over, to the great annoyance of industrious damsels, who, armed +with broom and duster, endeavored to render their reign as arbitrary as +it was short. For some time past, the nursery-maids had invariably +silenced refractory children with "Fie, Miss Matilda! Your grandmother +will make you behave yourself—<i>she</i> won't allow such doings, I'll be +bound!" or "Aren't you ashamed of yourself, Master Clarence? What will +your grandmother say to that!" The nursery was in a state of uproar on +the day of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page006" id="page006"></a>[pg 006]</span> +my venerable relative's arrival; for the children almost +expected to see, in their grandmother, an ogress, both in features and +disposition.</p> + +<p>My mother was the eldest of two children, and my grandmother, from the +period of my infancy, had resided in England with her youngest daughter; +and we were now all employed in wondering what sort of a person our +relative might be. Mamma informed us that the old lady was extremely +dignified, and exacted respect and attention from all around; she also +hinted, at the same time, that it would be well for me to lay aside a +little of my self-sufficiency, and accommodate myself to the humors of +my grandmother. This to me!--to <i>me</i>, whose temper was so inflammable +that the least inadvertent touch was sufficient to set it in a blaze—it +was too much! So, like a well-disposed young lady, I very properly +resolved that <i>mine</i> should not be the arm to support the venerable Mrs. +Arlington in her daily walks; that should the children playfully +ornament the cushion of her easy-chair with pins, <i>I</i> would not turn +informant; and should a conspiracy be on foot to burn the old lady's +best wig, I +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page007" id="page007"></a>[pg 007]</span> +entertained serious thoughts of helping along myself.</p> + +<p>In the meantime, like all selfish persons, I considered what demeanor I +should assume, in order to impress my grandmother with a conviction of +my own consequence. Of course, dignified and unbending I <i>would</i> be; but +what if she chose to consider me a child, and treat me accordingly? The +idea was agonizing to my feelings; but then I proudly surveyed my five +feet two inches of height, and wondered how I could have thought of such +a thing! Still I had sense enough to know that such a supposition would +never have entered my head, had there not been sufficient grounds for +it; and, with no small trepidation, I prepared for my first appearance.</p> + +<p>It went off as first appearances generally do. I <i>was</i> to have been +seated in an attitude of great elegance, with my eyes fixed on the pages +of some wonderfully wise book, but my thoughts anywhere but in company +with my eyes; while, to give more dignity to a girlish figure, my hair +was to be turned up on the very top of my head with a huge shell comb, +borrowed for the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page008" id="page008"></a>[pg 008]</span> +occasion from mamma's drawer. Upon my grandmother's +entrance, I intended to rise and make her a very stiff courtesy, and +then deliver a series of womanish remarks. This, I say, <i>was</i> to have +been my first appearance—but alas! fate ordered otherwise. I was caught +by my dignified relative indulging in a game of romps upon the balcony +with two or three little sisters in pinafores and pantalettes—myself as +much a child as any of them. My grandmother came rather suddenly upon me +as, with my long hair floating in wild confusion, I stooped to pick up +my comb; and while in this ungraceful position, one of the little +urchins playfully climbed upon my back, while the others held me down. +My three little sisters had never appeared to such disadvantage in my +eyes, as they did at the present moment; in vain I tried to shake them +off—they only clung the closer, from fright, on being told of their +grandmother's arrival.</p> + +<p>At length, with crimsoned cheeks, and the hot tears starting to my eyes, +I rose and received, rather than returned the offered embrace, and found +myself in the capacious arms +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page009" id="page009"></a>[pg 009]</span> +of one whom I should have taken for an old +dowager duchess. On glancing at my grandmother's portly figure and +consequential air, I experienced the uncomfortable sensation of utter +insignificance—I encountered the gaze of those full, piercing eyes, and +felt that I was conquered. Still I resolved to make some struggles for +my dignity yet, and not submit until defeat was no longer doubtful. +People in talking of "unrequited affection," speak of "the knell of +departed hopes," but no knell could sound more dreadful to the ears of a +girl in her teens—trembling for her scarcely-fledged +young-lady-hood—than did the voice of my grandmother, (and it was by no +means low), as she remarked:</p> + +<p>"So this is Ella. Why, how the child has altered! I remember her only as +a little, screaming baby, that was forever holding its breath with +passion till it became black in the face. Many a thumping have I given +you, child, to make you come to, and sometimes I doubted if your face +ever would be straight again. Even now it can hardly be said to belong +to the meek and amiable order."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page010" id="page010"></a>[pg 010]</span> + +<p>Here my grandmother drew forth her gold spectacles from a +richly-ornamented case, and deliberately scanned my indignant features, +while she observed: "Not much of the Bredforth style—quite an +Arlington." I drew myself up with all the offended dignity of sixteen, +but it was of no use; my grandmother turned me round, in much the same +manner that the giant might have been supposed to handle Tom Thumb, and +surveyed me from top to toe.</p> + +<p>I was unable to discover the effect of her investigation, but I +immediately became convinced that my grandmother's opinion was one of +the greatest importance. She possessed that indescribable kind of manner +which places you under the conviction that you are continually doing, +saying, or thinking something wrong; and which makes you humbly obliged +to such a person for coinciding in any of your opinions. Instead of the +dignified part I had expected to play, I looked very like a naughty +child that has just been taken out of its corner. The impression left +upon my mind by my grandmother's appearance will never be effaced; her +whole <i>tout ensemble</i> was peculiarly striking, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page011" id="page011"></a>[pg 011]</span> +with full dark eyes, +high Roman nose, mouth of great beauty and firmness of expression, and +teeth whose splendor I have never seen equalled—although she was then +past her fiftieth year. Add to this a tall, well-proportioned figure, +and a certain air of authority, and my grandmother stands before you.</p> + +<p>As time somewhat diminished our awe, we gained the <i>entrée</i> of my +grandmother's apartment, and even ventured to express our curiosity +respecting the contents of various trunks, parcels, and curious-looking +boxes. To children, there is no greater pleasure than being permitted to +look over and arrange the articles contained in certain carefully-locked +up drawers, unopened boxes, and old-fashioned chests; stray jewels from +broken rings—two or three beads of a necklace—a sleeve or breadth of +somebody's wedding dress—locks of hair—gifts of schoolgirl +friendships—and all those little mementoes of the past, that lie +neglected and forgotten till a search after some mislaid article brings +them again to our view, and excites a burst of feeling that causes us to +look sadly back upon the long vista of departed years, with their +withered +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page012" id="page012"></a>[pg 012]</span> +hopes, never-realized expectations, and fresh, joyous tone, +seared by disappointment and worldly wisdom. The reward of patient toil +and deep-laid schemes yields not half the pleasure that did the little +Indian cabinet, (which always stood so provokingly locked, and just +within reach), when during a period of convalescence, we were permitted +to examine its recesses—when floods of sunlight danced upon the wall of +the darkened room towards the close of day, and every one seemed <i>so</i> +kind!</p> + +<p>My grandmother indulged our curiosity to the utmost; now a pair of +diamond ear-pendants would appear among the soft folds of perfumed +cotton, and flash and glow with all the brilliancy of former days—now a +rich brocaded petticoat called up phantoms of the past, when ladies wore +high-heeled shoes, and waists of no size at all—and gentlemen felt +magnificently attired in powdered curls and cues, and as many ruffles as +would fill a modern dressing gown. There were also fairy slippers, +curiously embroidered, with neatly covered heels; and anxious to adorn +myself with these relics of the olden time I attempted to draw one on. +But like the renowned +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page013" id="page013"></a>[pg 013]</span> +glass-slipper, it would fit none but the owner, +and I found myself in the same predicament as Cinderella's sisters. In +vain I tugged and pulled; the more I tried, the more it wouldn't go +on—and my grandmother remarked with a sigh, that "people's feet were +not as small as they were in old times." I panted with vexation; for I +had always been proud of my foot, and now put it forward that my +grandmother might see how small it was. But no well-timed compliment +soothed my irritated feelings; and more dissatisfied with myself than +ever, I pursued my investigations.</p> + +<p>My grandmother, as if talking to herself, murmured: "How little do we +know, when we set out in life, of the many disappointments before us! +How little can we deem that the heart which then is ours will change +with the fleeting sunshine! It is fearful to have the love of a +life-time thrown back as a worthless thing!"</p> + +<p>"Fearful!" I chimed in. "Death were preferable!"</p> + +<p>"You little goose!" exclaimed my grandmother, as she looked me full in +the face, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page014" id="page014"></a>[pg 014]</span> +"What can <i>you</i> possibly know about the matter?"</p> + +<p>I had nothing to do but bury my head down low in the trunk I was +exploring; it was my last attempt at sentiment. My grandmother took +occasion to give me some very good advice with respect to the behavior +of hardly-grown girls; she remarked that they should be careful not to +engross the conversation, and also, that quiet people were always more +interesting than loud talkers. I resolved to try my utmost to be quiet +and interesting, though at the same time it did occur to me as a little +strange that, being so great an admirer of the species, she was not +quiet and interesting herself. But being quiet was not my grandmother's +forte; and it is generally understood that people always admire what +they are not, or have not themselves.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page015" id="page015"></a>[pg 015]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_II"></a><h2>CHAPTER II.</h2> +<br></br> + +<p>The old lady also possessed rather strict ideas of the respect and +deference due to parents and elders; and poor mamma, whose authority did +not stand very high, felt considerable relief in consequence of our, +(or, as I am tempted to say, <i>the children's</i>) improved behavior. I +remember being rather startled myself one day, when one of the +before-mentioned little sisters commenced a system of teazing for some +forbidden article.</p> + +<p>"Mother, mother,—can't I have that set of cards? We want it in our +play-room—Phemie and me are going to build a house."</p> + +<p>"I do not like to give you permission," replied mamma, looking +considerably worried, "for George does not wish you to have them."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page016" id="page016"></a>[pg 016]</span> + +<p>"Oh, but George is out, mother—out for all day," rejoined the +precocious canvasser, "and will never know anything about it."</p> + +<p>"But perhaps he might come home before you had done with them, and +George is so terribly passionate, and hates to have his things touched, +that he will raise the whole house."</p> + +<p>"Poor boy!" observed my grandmother dryly, "What a misfortune to be so +passionate! A deep-seated, and, I fear, incurable one, Amy; for of +course you have used your utmost endeavors, both by precept and example, +to render him otherwise."</p> + +<p>I almost pitied my mother's feelings; for well did I remember the +cried-for toy placed within his hands, to stop the constant succession +of screams sent forth by a pair of lungs whose strength seemed +inexhaustible—the comfort and convenience of the whole family +disregarded, not because he was the <i>best</i>, but the <i>worst</i> child—and +often the destruction of some highly-prized trinket or gem of art, +because he was "<i>passionate</i>;" the result of which was, that my poor +brother George became one of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page017" id="page017"></a>[pg 017]</span> +the most selfish, exacting, intolerable +boys that ever lived.</p> + +<p>There was no reply, save a troubled look; and the little tormentor +continued in a fretful tone; "We'll put 'em all away before he gets in, +and never tell him a word of it—can't we have them, mother?"</p> + +<p>My mother glanced towards her mentor, but the look which she met +impelled her to pursue a course so different from her usual one, that I +listened in surprise: "No, Caroline, you can <i>not</i> have them—now leave +the room, and let me hear no more about it."</p> + +<p>"I want them," said the child in a sullen tone, while she turned to that +invariable resource of refactory children who happen to be near a door; +namely, turning the knob, and clicking the lock back and forth, and +swinging on it at intervals.</p> + +<p>This performance is extremely trying to a person of restless, nervous +temperament, and my grandmother, setting up her spectacles, exclaimed +commandingly: "Caroline, how dare you stand pouting there? Did you not +hear +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page018" id="page018"></a>[pg 018]</span> +your mother, naughty girl? Leave the room—this instant?"</p> + +<p>The child stood a moment almost transfixed with surprise; but as she saw +my grandmother preparing to advance upon her—her ample skirts and +portly person somewhat resembling a ship under full sail—she made +rather an abrupt retreat; discomposing the nerves of a small +nursery-maid, whom she encountered in the passage, to such a degree +that, as the girl expressed it, "she was took all of a sudden."</p> + +<p>I had given a quick, convulsive start as the first tones fell upon my +ear, and now sat bending over my sewing like a chidden child, almost +afraid to look up. I was one of those unlucky mortals who bear the blame +of everything wrong they witness; and having, in tender infancy, been +suddenly seized upon in Sunday school by the superintendent, and placed +in a conspicuous situation of disgrace for looking at a companion who +was performing some strange antic, but who possessed one of those +india-rubber faces that, after twisting themselves into all possible, or +rather impossible shapes, immediately become straight the moment any +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page019" id="page019"></a>[pg 019]</span> +one observes them—having, I say, met with this mortifying exposure, it +gave me a shock which I have not to this day recovered; and I cannot now +see any one start up hastily in pursuit of another without fancying +myself the culprit, and trembling accordingly. This sudden movement, +therefore, of my grandmother's threw me into an alarming state of +terror, and, quite still and subdued, I sat industriously stitching, all +the morning after.</p> + +<p>"Dear me!" said my mother with a sigh, "how much better you make them +mind than I can."</p> + +<p>"I see, Amy," said my grandmother kindly, "that your influence is very +weak—the care of of so large a family has prevented you from attending +to each one properly. You perceive the effect of a little well-timed +authority, and I do not despair of you yet. You are naturally," she +continued, "amiable and indolent, and though gentleness is certainly +agreeable and interesting, yet a constant succession of sweets cannot +fail to cloy, and engender a taste for something sharper and more +wholesome."</p> + +<p>Delicacy prevented me from remaining to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page020" id="page020"></a>[pg 020]</span> +hear my mother advised and +lectured, and the rest of my grandmother's discourse was therefore lost +to me; but whatever it was, I soon perceived its beneficial results—the +children were no longer permitted to roam indiscriminately through all +parts of the house—certain rooms were proof againt their +invasions—they became less troublesome and exacting, and far more +companionable. The worried look gradually cleared from my mother's brow, +and as my grandmother was extremely fond of sight-seeing, visiting, +tea-drinkings, and everything in the shape of company, she persevered in +dragging her daughter out day after day, until she made her enjoy it +almost as much as herself. Old acquaintances were hunted up and brought +to light, and new ones made through the exertions of my grandmother, +who, in consequence of such a sociable disposition, soon became very +popular. The young ones were banished to the nursery; and, as they were +no longer allowed to spend their days in eating, there was far less +sickness among them, and our family doctor's bill decreased amazingly.</p> + +<p>Our grandmother, having spent many years +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page021" id="page021"></a>[pg 021]</span> +in the "mother-country," was +extremely English in her feelings and opinions, and highly advocated the +frugal diet on which the children of the higher classes are always kept. +Lord and Lady Grantham, the son-in-law and daughter at whose residence +she passed the time of her sojourn in England, were infallible models of +excellence and prudence; and the children were again and again informed +that their little English cousins were never allowed meat until the age +of seven, and considered it a great treat to get beef broth twice a +week. Butter was also a prohibited article of luxury—their usual +breakfast consisting of mashed potatoes, or bread and milk; and my +grandmother used to relate how one morning a little curly-headed thing +approached her with an air of great mystery, and whispered: "What <i>do</i> +you think we had for breakfast?" "Something very good, I suspect—what +can it be?" "Guess." "O, I cannot; you must tell me." "<i>Buttered +bread</i>!" Our laughter increased as she gave an amusing account of the +blue eyes stretched to their utmost extent, as these wonderful words +were pronounced hesitatingly, as though doubtful +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page022" id="page022"></a>[pg 022]</span> +of the effect; and in +consequence of various anecdotes of the same nature, the children's +impressions of England were by no means agreeable. Our little cousins +must certainly have been the most wonderful children ever heard of, for +by my grandmother's account, they could dance, sing, and speak French +almost as soon as they could walk. She also informed us, as a positive +fact, that on saying: "<i>Baisez, Cora—baisez la dame</i>," the very baby in +arms put up its rosebud lips to kiss the stranger mentioned. It would +have been stranger still for the younger children to speak English, as +they were always in the company of French nurses.</p> + +<p>Although my grandmother could so easily assume a stern and commanding +air, it was by no means habitual to her; and the children, though they +feared and never dared to dispute her authority, soon loved her with all +the pure, unselfish love of childhood, which cannot be bought. "Things +were not so and so when I was young," was a favorite remark of hers; and +as I one day remarked that "those must have been wonderful times when +old people +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page023" id="page023"></a>[pg 023]</span> +were young," she smiled and said that "though not wonderful, +they were times when parents and teachers were much more strict with +children than they are now." I immediately experienced a strong desire +to be made acquainted with the circumstances of my grandmother's +childhood, and began hinting to that effect.</p> + +<p>"Were they very strict with you, grandmother?" asked we mischievously.</p> + +<p>She looked rather disconcerted for a moment, and then replied with a +smile: "Not very—I saw very little of my parents, being mostly left to +nurses and servants; but you all seem eager for information on that +point, and although there is absolutely nothing worth relating, you may +all come to my room this evening, and we will begin on the subject of my +younger days."</p> + +<p>We swallowed tea rather hastily, and danced off in high glee to my +grandmother's apartment, ready for the unfolding of unheard-of +occurrences and mysteries.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page024" id="page024"></a>[pg 024]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_III"></a><h2>CHAPTER III.</h2> + +<p>We were all happily seated around the fire; the grate was piled up high +with coal, and threw a bright reflection upon the polished +marble—everything was ready to begin, when a most unfortunate question +of my sister Emma's interfered with our progress. She had settled +herself on a low stool at my grandmother's feet, and while we all sat in +silent expectation of the "once upon a time," or "when I was young," +which is generally the prelude to similar narratives, Emma suddenly +started up, and fixing an incredulous gaze upon our dignified relative, +exclaimed: "But were you <i>ever</i> young, grandmother? I mean," she +continued, a little frightened at her own temerity, "were you ever as +little as I am now?"</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page025" id="page025"></a>[pg 025]</span> + +<p>Some of us began to cough, others used their pocket-handkerchiefs, and +one and all waited in some anxiety for the effect. Emma, poor child! +seemed almost ready to sink through the floor under the many astonished +and reproving glances which she encountered; and my grandmother's +countenance at first betokened a gathering storm.</p> + +<p>But in a few moments this cleared up; and ashamed of her momentary anger +at this childish question, she placed her hand kindly on Emma's head as +she replied: "Yes, Emma, quite as little as you are—and it is of those +very times that I am going to tell you. I shall not begin at the +beginning, but speak of whatever happens to enter my mind, and a +complete history of my childhood will probably furnish employment for a +great many evenings. But I am very much averse to interruptions, and if +you have any particular questions to ask, all inquiries must be made +before I commence."</p> + +<p>"Were you born and did you live in America?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Yes," replied my grandmother, "I was born and lived in America, in the +State of New +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page026" id="page026"></a>[pg 026]</span> +York. So much for the locality—now, what next?"</p> + +<p>"Did you ever see Washington?" inquired Bob, "And were you ever taken +prisoner and had your house burned by the British?"</p> + +<p>Bob was a great patriot, and on Saturdays practised shooting in the +attic with a bow and arrow, to perfect himself against the time of his +attaining to man's estate, when he fully intended to collect an army and +make an invasion on England. As an earnest of his hostile intentions, he +had already broken all the windows on that floor, and nearly +extinguished the eye of Betty, the chambermaid. To both of these +questions my grandmother replied in the negative, for she happened to +come into the world just after the Revolution; but in answer to Bob's +look of disappointment, she promised to tell him something about it in +the course of her narrative.</p> + +<p>"My two most prominent faults," said she, "were vanity and curiosity, +and these both led me into a great many scrapes, which I shall endeavor +to relate for your edification. I shall represent them just as they +really were, and if +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page027" id="page027"></a>[pg 027]</span> +I do not make especial comments on each separate +piece of misconduct, it is because I leave you to judge for yourselves, +by placing them in their true light. I shall not tell you the year I was +born in," she continued, "for then there would be a counting on certain +little fingers to see how old grandmamma is now. When I was a child—a +<i>very</i> young one—I used to say that I remembered very well the day on +which I was born, for mother was down stairs frying dough-nuts. This +nondescript kind of cake was then much more fashionable for the +tea-table than it is at the present day. My mother was quite famous for +her skill in manufacturing them, and my great delight was to superintend +her operations, and be rewarded for good behavior with a limited +quantity of dough, which I manufactured into certain uncouth images, +called 'dough-nut babies.' Sometimes these beloved creations of genius +performed rather curious gymnastics on being placed in the boiling +grease—such as twisting on one side, throwing a limb entirely over +their heads, etc.; while not unfrequently a leg or an arm was found +missing when boiled to the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page028" id="page028"></a>[pg 028]</span> +requisite degree of hardness. But sometimes, +oh, sad to relate! my fingers committed such unheard-of depredations in +the large bowl or tray appropriated by my mother, that I was sentenced +to be tied in a high chair drawn close to her side, whence I could +quietly watch her proceedings without being able to assist her.</p> + +<p>I know that our home was situated in a pleasant village which has long +since disappeared in the flourishing city; the house was of white brick, +three stories high, with rooms on each side of the front entrance. A +large and beautiful flower-garden was visible from the back windows; and +beyond this was a still larger fruit-garden, the gate of which was +generally locked, while a formidable row of nails with the points up, +repelled all attempts at climbing over the fence. The peaches, and +plums, apricots, nectarines, grapes, cherries, and apples were such as I +have seldom, if ever, seen since. My lather was wealthy, and my earliest +recollections are connected with large, handsomely-furnished rooms, +numerous servants, massive plate, and a constant succession of +dinner-parties +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page029" id="page029"></a>[pg 029]</span> +and visitors. How often have I watched the servants as +they filled the decanters, rubbed the silver, and made other +preparations for company, while I drew comparisons between the lot of +the favored beings for whom these preparations were made, and my own, on +being condemned to the unvarying routine of the nursery. Childhood then +appeared to me a kind of penance which we were doomed to undergo—a sort +of imprisonment or chrysalis, which, like the butterfly, left us in a +fairy-like and beautiful existence. Little did I then dream of the +cares, and toils, and troubles from which that happy season is exempt. +My father realized in his own person, to the fullest extent, all the +traditionary legends of old English hospitality; he hated everything +like parsimony—delighted to see his table surrounded with visitors—and +in this was indulged to the extent of his wishes; for day after day +seemed to pass in our being put out of sight, where we could witness the +preparations going on for other people's entertainment.</p> + +<p>The presiding goddess in our region of the house was a faithful and +attached old nurse, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page030" id="page030"></a>[pg 030]</span> +whom we all called 'Mammy.' Although sometimes a +little sharp, as was necessary to keep such wild spirits in order, the +old nurse was invariably kind, and even indulgent. It was well indeed +for us that she was so, for we were left almost entirely to her +direction, and saw very little of any one else. Mammy's everyday attire +consisted of a calico short-gown, with large figures, and a stuff +petticoat, with a cap whose huge ruffles stood up in all directions; +made after a pattern which I have never since beheld, and in which the +crown formed the principal feature. But this economical dress was not +for want of means; for Mammy's wardrobe boasted several silk gowns, and +visitors seldom stayed at the house without making her a present. On +great occasions, she approached our beau-ideal of an empress, by +appearing in a black silk dress lace collar, and gold repeater at her +side. This particular dress Mammy valued more highly than any of the +others, for my father had brought it to her, as a present, from Italy, +and the pleasant consciousness of being recollected in this manner +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page031" id="page031"></a>[pg 031]</span> +by her master was highly gratifying to the old nurse.</p> + +<p>I was an only daughter, with several wild brothers, and I often thought +that Mammy displayed most unjust partiality. For instance, there was +Fred who never did anything right—upset his breakfast, dinner, and +tea—several times set the clothes-horse, containing the nursery +wardrobe, in a blaze—was forever getting lost, and, when sought for, +often found dangling from a three-story window, hanging on by two +fingers, and even one—who would scarcely have weighed a person's life +in the scale with a successful joke—and always had a finger, foot, or +eye bound up as the result of his hair-brained adventures. I really +believe that Mammy bestowed all a mother's affection on this wild, +reckless boy; he seldom missed an opportunity of being impertinent, and +yet Mammy invariably said that 'Fred had a saucy tongue, but a good +heart.' This <i>good-heartedness</i> probably consisted in drowning kittens, +worrying dogs, and throwing stones at every bird he saw. Fred always had +the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page032" id="page032"></a>[pg 032]</span> +warmest seat, the most thickly-buttered bread and the largest piece +of pie. I remember one day on watching Mammy cut the pie, I observed, as +usual, that she reserved the largest piece.</p> + +<p>"Who is that for?" I enquired, although perfectly aware of its intended +destination.</p> + +<p>"O, no one in particular," replied Mammy.</p> + +<p>"Well then" said I, "I believe I'll take it."</p> + +<p>"There! there!" exclaimed Mammy, pointing her finger at me, "See the +greedy girl! Now you shall not have it, just for asking for it." The +disputed piece was immediately deposited on Fred's plate; and from that +day forth I gave up all hopes of the largest piece of pie.</p> + +<p>O, that Fred was an imp! There was nothing in the shape of mischief, +which he would not do. If left to amuse the baby, he often amused +himself by tying a string to its toe, and every now and then giving it a +sudden pull. The child would cry, of course, and, on the approach of any +one, Master Fred sat looking as demure as possible, while trying to keep +his little brother quiet. The string would then +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page033" id="page033"></a>[pg 033]</span> +be twitched again for +his own private edification; and it was sometime before the trick was +discovered. My brother Henry had at one time several little chickens, of +which he became very fond. Day after day he fed, admired, and caressed +them; and Fred, who never could bear to see others happy long, began to +revolve in his own mind certain plans respecting the chickens. One by +one they disappeared, until the number decreased alarmingly; but no +traces of them could be found. We were questioned, but, as all denied +the charge, the culprit remained undiscovered, although strong +suspicions rested on Fred. At last the indignant owner came upon him one +day, as he stood quietly watching the struggles of two little chickens +in a tub of water. Henry bitterly exclaimed against this cruelty, but +Fred innocently replied that "he had no hand in the matter; he had +thought, for some time, how much prettier they would look swimming like +ducks, and therefore tried to teach them—but the foolish things +persisted in walking along with their eyes shut, and so got drowned."</p> + +<p>But one of Fred's grand <i>coup-d'oeils</i> was +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page034" id="page034"></a>[pg 034]</span> +the affair of the +cherry-pie. In those days ladies attended more to their household +affairs than they do at present; and my mother, an excellent +housekeeper, was celebrated for her pastry—cherry-pies in particular. +It was the Fourth of July; the boys were released from school, and +roaming about in quest of mischief as boys always are—and, as a rare +thing, we had no company that day, except my aunt, who had come from a +distance on a visit to my mother, while my father had gone to return one +of the numerous visits paid him. Cherry-pie was a standing dish at our +house with which to celebrate the Declaration of Independence. The +servants had all gone out for a holiday, no dinner was cooked, and the +sole dependence was on the cherry-pie.</p> + +<p>They sat down to dinner, and I heard my mother say: "Now, sister Berthy, +I really hope you will enjoy this pie, for I bestowed extra pains upon +it, and placed it up in the bed-room pantry out of the boys' reach, who +are very apt to nibble off the edge of the crust. This time, I see, they +have not meddled with it."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page035" id="page035"></a>[pg 035]</span> + +<p>The pie was cut; but alas! for the hollowness of human triumphs; the +knife met a wilderness of crust and vacancy, but no cherries. The +bed-room pantry had a window opening on a shed, and into that window +Fred, the scape-grace, had adroitly climbed, carefully lifted the upper +crust from the cherished pie, and abstracted all the cherries. My mother +locked him up, for punishment, but having unfortunately selected a sort +of store-room pantry, he made himself sick with sweetmeats, broke all +the jars he could lay hands on, and, finally, discovering a pair of +scissors, he worked at the lock, spoiled it, and let himself out.</p> + +<p>At one time, being rather short of cash, he helped himself to a +five-dollar bill from my mother's drawer; but even <i>his</i> conscience +scarcely resting under so heavy an embezzlement, he got it changed, took +half a dollar, and then put the rest back in the drawer. This +considerateness led to a discovery; they all knew that no one but Fred +would have been guilty of so foolish, and at the same time so dishonest +a thing.</p> + +<p>My favorite brother was Henry; just three years +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page036" id="page036"></a>[pg 036]</span> +older than myself, +manly, amiable, and intellectual in his tastes, he appeared to me +infinitely superior to any one I had ever seen; and we two were almost +inseparable. In winter he always carried me to school on his sled, saw +that Fred did not rob me of my dinner, and was always ready to explain a +difficult lesson. He was an extremely enterprising boy, with an +inexhaustible fund of ingenuity and invention; but, like most geniuses, +received more blame than praise. When quite small he constructed a sort +of gun made of wood, which would discharge a small ball of paper, +pebble, etc. This became a very popular plaything in the nursery, and for +once the inventor received due praise, on account of its keeping the +children so quiet. But one day Fred undertook to teach the year old baby +the art of shooting with it; and with a small corn for a bullet, he +placed the toy in the child's hands, turning the mouth the wrong way. +The young soldier pulled the trigger in delight, and by some strange +mischance, the corn flew up his nose. The doctor was hastily brought, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page037" id="page037"></a>[pg 037]</span> +the child relieved with a great deal of difficulty, the dangerous +plaything burned, and poor Henry sent to coventry for an unlimited time.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page038" id="page038"></a>[pg 038]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_IV"></a><h2>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + +<p>We had a girl named Jane Davis whom my mother had brought up from +childhood. At the period to which I refer, she could not have been more +than fourteen, and as she was always good-humored and willing to oblige, +she became a general favorite. Often, in the early winter evenings, with +the nursery as tidy as hands could make it, (for Mammy, although not an +old maid, was a mortal enemy to dirt and slovenliness) we all gathered +round the fire, while the old nurse and Jane spun out long stories, +sometimes of things which had happened to them, sometimes of things +which had happened to others, and often of things that never did or +could happen to anybody. But I must do them the justice to say, that +although +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page039" id="page039"></a>[pg 039]</span> +they sometimes related almost impossible occurrencies, they +never, on any one occasion, took advantage of their influence over us to +enforce our obedience by frighful tales of old men with bags, who seem +to have an especial fancy for naughty children. The nearest approach +that Mammy ever made to anything of this kind was to tell us, when we +began to look sleepy, that the sandman had been along and filled our +eyes. On receiving this information, we generally retired peaceably to +bed, without being haunted by any fears of ghost or goblin.</p> + +<p>There was a wealthy and fashionable family who lived just opposite, +consisting of a widower, his sister, and two children—a son and +daughter. They lived in most extravagant style, and Jane positively +assured us that the housekeeper had told her with her own lips that +there was no end to Mr. Okeman's wealth, and that he even made his +daughter eat bank-bills on her bread and butter! Whether the son was +exempted from this disagreeable performance we never thought of +inquiring; but our awe rose ten percent, for a girl who was so rich as +absolutely to devour money. On being divulged, this grand +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page040" id="page040"></a>[pg 040]</span> +secret amused +the inmates of the drawing-room very much, and our parents could +scarcely command their countenances to undeceive us.</p> + +<p>Jane Davis remained with us as nursery-maid until she was eighteen, when +my mother, who was always extremely kind to servants and dependants, +placed her at a trade, and supported her comfortably until she learned +enough to support herself. She afterwards married a carpenter, who +always performed for my father those odd jobs that are constantly +required in a house, and they came to live in a kind of cottage at the +end of the garden. They there commenced farming on a small scale, and +often supplied us with milk, eggs, poultry, etc.</p> + +<p>Mammy was a firm believer in signs of good and evil import; thus, if, in +dropping the scissors, they stood up erect on the point, she always said +that visitors were coming—a sign that rarely failed, as we were seldom +a day without them. Once I had wished very much for a large wax-doll. My +dreams were beautified with waxen images of immense size, whose china +blue eyes, long flaxen curls, and rosy +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page041" id="page041"></a>[pg 041]</span> +cheeks, presented a combination +of charms that took my heart by storm. I sat one night, as usual, by the +nursery fire; my thoughts fixed on this all-engrossing subject, when I +ventured to communicate them to Mammy, and ask her if she thought I ever +would become the enviable possessor of such a doll.</p> + +<p>"I don't know," replied Mammy at first, "I think it's very doubtful. But +come here," she added, "and let me see your hand."</p> + +<p>After an examination, Mammy pronounced with an air of great mystery that +circumstances were propitious, and she was almost convinced beyond a +doubt that ere long the doll would be mine. She then pointed out to me a +small white spot on my left thumb nail, which she said always denoted a +present. I was rather incredulous at first, not conceiving that so +brilliant a dream could be realized; but after a while the doll actually +made its appearance, and I began to regard Mammy as something little +short of a witch, and became far more tractable in consequence of my +increased awe.</p> + +<p>Jane's stories, as well as Mammy's always began with "Once upon a time +there were two +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page042" id="page042"></a>[pg 042]</span> +sisters;" one was represented as plain-looking, but +amiable—the other beautiful, but a very Zantippe in temper. By some +wonderful combination of circumstances, the elder lost her beauty and +ugliness at the same time—when some good fairy always came along, who, +by a magic touch of her wand, made both the sisters far more lovely than +the elder had been. Beauty was always the burden of the tale; people who +were not beautiful met with no adventures, and seemed to lead a hum-drum +sort of life; therefore, I insensibly learned to regard this wonderful +possession as something very much to be desired. I believe I was quite a +pretty child, with dark bright eyes, red lips, and a pair of very rosy +cheeks. I spent considerable time before the glass, and both Mammy and +Jane began to fear the effects of vanity. Often and often would the old +nurse say: "You needn't stand before the glass, Miss Amy—there is +nothing to look at," or when in a bad humor, "Don't make such faces, +child—you have no beauty to spare," and I can very well remember how +both would endeavor to persuade me that I was the most veritable little +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page043" id="page043"></a>[pg 043]</span> +fright that ever existed, and quite a bugbear to my relations.</p> + +<p>"What a pity," Jane would commence, as she saw me surveying myself with +an air of infinite satisfaction, "what a pity it is that Miss Amy has +such a dark, ugly skin—almost like an Indian, isn't it, nurse?"</p> + +<p>I had eyes to judge for myself, and knew that I was much fairer than +either Mammy or Jane; and somebody had remarked in my presence: "What a +lovely neck and shoulders!" therefore I generally remained perfectly +quiet while listening to these inuendoes.</p> + +<p>"Yes," Mammy would reply, "a very great pity—but an amiable temper, +Miss Amy, is more than looks; you must try and cultivate that, to make +up for your want of beauty."</p> + +<p>"And then," continued Jane, "only see how perfectly straight her hair +is! not a sign of curl, nor even a twist!--and black eyes have such a +wicked kind of a look; they always remind me of cannibals."</p> + +<p>Jane's eyes were as blue and bright as glass beads, while Mammy's, I +thought, approached a green, but with my own I felt perfectly satisfied; +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page044" id="page044"></a>[pg 044]</span> +for a lady had remarked in my presence what beautiful eyes I +had—adding that "dark eyes were so much more expressive than blue; blue +ones were so very insipid looking." The observation about my hair, +though, was only too correct, and touched me most sensibly. While most +of the other children possessed those soft, flowing curls, so beautiful +in childhood, mine obstinately refused to wave; and was, to use Jane's +expression, "as straight and as stiff as a poker." I had endeavored to +remedy this as far as lay in my power, and one day set my hair in a +blaze, while curling it with a very hot pipe-stem. I was, in +consequence, deemed one of the most abandoned of the nursery inmates; +and found myself minus at least one half of the hair I had hitherto +possessed.</p> + +<p>I really believe that both Jane and Mammy sincerely hoped to eradicate +my besetting sin, by such blunt remarks as the former; but no course +could have been less wise than the one which they took. I knew very well +that I was neither a fright, an Indian, nor a cannibal; and the pains +which they took to convince me to the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page045" id="page045"></a>[pg 045]</span> +contrary led me to give myself +credit for much more beauty than I really possessed. I also regarded +amiability as a virtue of very small account; and supposed that those +who practised it, only did so because they possessed neither beauty, +grace, nor anything else to recommend them.</p> + +<p>A great source of annoyance to me was my dress. As I was an only +daughter, some mothers, with the same means, would have enhanced my +attractions with all the aid of ornament, and established me as a +permanent divinity of the drawing-room, whom all must bow to and flatter +as they entered its precincts. But, although fond of display, and +surrounded with all the appliances of wealth, the taste of my parents +never did run much on dress; and I often felt mortified at my +inferiority to others in this respect. Such articles were then much +dearer, and more in vogue than at the present day, and a blue Circassian +formed my entire stock of gala dresses, and went the rounds of all the +children's parties I attended; my mother seemed to think, (with respect +to me, at least,) that as long as a dress was clean and in good +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page046" id="page046"></a>[pg 046]</span> +repair, +there was no need of a change—she left nothing to the pleasure of +variety. There appeared to be an inexhaustible store of the same +material in a certain capacious drawer; did an elbow give out, a new +sleeve instantly supplied its place—did I happen to realize the ancient +saying: "There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip," and make my +lap the recipient of some of the goodies provided for us at our +entertainments, the soiled front breadth disappeared, and was replaced +by another, fresh and new—did the waist grow short, it was made over +again—there verily seemed to be no end to the dress; I came to the +conclusion that blue Circassian was the most ugly material ever +invented, and often found myself calculating how many yards there might +be left.</p> + +<p>My school hats always looked the worse for wear, and my Sunday ones were +not much better; but once my mother took me to the city, and bought me, +for school, a far handsomer hat than I had hitherto worn for best, and a +still better one for great occasions. Here I, who scarcely ever looked +decent about the upper story, actually had two new hats at +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page047" id="page047"></a>[pg 047]</span> +once! The +best one, I remember, was a round gipsy flat, then altogether the +fashion; and the first Sunday I put it on I made a perfect fool of +myself by twisting my hair in strings, intended to pass for natural +ringlets, and allowing said strings to hang all around beneath the brim +of my hat. Mamma was sick and confined to her room, and I managed to +appear at church with this ridiculous head-gear. People certainly stared +a little, but this my vanity easily converted into looks of admiration +directed towards my new hat, and perhaps also my improved beauty—and +came home more full of self-complacency than ever.</p> + +<p>I have before mentioned that beyond the house there was a large +fruit-garden, respecting which, my father's orders were especially +strict. He expressly forbade our touching any of the fruit unless he +gave us permission; and nothing made him more angry than to have any +gathered before it was quite ripe. It certainly requires a child whose +principle of honesty is a very strong one, to pass every day in full +view of an endless bed of ripening strawberries, whose uncommon size and +luscious hue +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page048" id="page048"></a>[pg 048]</span> +offered so many temptations. But bad as I was, I think I +was generally pretty honest, and resisted the temptation to the best of +my ability.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page049" id="page049"></a>[pg 049]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_V"></a><h2>CHAPTER V.</h2> + +<p>I think I was about five years old, when one bright May morning my +brother Henry received especial instructions to be careful of me, and +see that I fell into no mischief on the occasion of my first day at +school. The luncheon-basket was packed with twice the usual quantity of +sandwiches, into which Mammy slyly tucked a small paper of sweet things +as a sort of comforter, with repeated injunctions to Henry not to make a +mistake and confiscate them for his own private use. A superfluous +caution—for Henry was the most generous little fellow that ever lived; +and was far more likely to fall short himself than that others should +suffer through him. Both Jane and Mammy kissed me repeatedly. I had on a +new dress of light, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page050" id="page050"></a>[pg 050]</span> +spotted calico, and a straw hat, with a green +ribbon, and a deep green silk cape—underneath the binding of my apron a +small handkerchief had been carefully pinned—a small blue-covered book, +and a slate with a long, sharp-pointed pencil tied on with a red cord, +were placed in my hands; and from these ominous preparations, and the +uncommon kindness of every one around, I concluded that I was at last to +meet with some adventure—perhaps to suffer martyrdom of some kind or +other.</p> + +<p>Poor Jane! My great passion was for beads, and when she perceived, from +various indications, that I was not exactly pleased with the change, she +ran up stairs, hastily loosened a whole string from a cherished +necklace, and returning quickly, slipped them into my hand. My mother +also came into the nursery to see that I was perfectly neat, kissed me +affectionately as she whispered to me to be a good girl and learn to +read, and with a strange, undefined sensation at my heart, I found +myself in the street with my hand fast locked in that of Henry. It was +that lovely season of the year +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page051" id="page051"></a>[pg 051]</span> +when the fruit-trees are all in bloom; +and the sweet, flower-laden breeze, the busy hum of human life that rose +around, and the bounding, restless spirit of childhood, made me shrink +from the bondage I was about to enter.</p> + +<p>The school-house was a very pretty cottage with a trellised front of +bean-vines and honeysuckle; and when I entered I found, to my great +surprise, that Miss Sewell, the teacher, looked very much like other +people. There were two moderate-sized rooms, opening into each other, in +one of which Mr. Sewell superintended several desks of unruly boys—in +the other, his daughter directed the studies of about twenty little +girls. There were some large girls seated at the desks, who appeared to +me so very antiquated that I was almost afraid to hazard an idea +respecting their ages; and had I been asked how old they were, should +probably have replied 'at least fifty;' although I do not now suppose +the eldest was more than fourteen.</p> + +<p>Rather stunned by the buzz and noise of the classes reciting, and very +much puzzled as to my own probable destiny, I began to climb the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page052" id="page052"></a>[pg 052]</span> +hill +of knowledge. I said my letters; and Miss Sewell, having found that I +knew them pretty well, (thanks to Mammy's patient teaching), allowed me +to spell in <i>a-b, ab</i>, and <i>b-a, ba</i>, and set me some straight marks on +my slate. I met with nothing remarkable during my first day at school; +and on my return informed Mammy, as the result of my studies, that two +and one make four. Nor could I be persuaded to the contrary; for, +although I had been taught by the old nurse to count as far as ten, on +being examined by Miss Sewell, either bashfulness or obstinacy prevented +me from displaying the extent of my knowledge—and, while endeavoring to +explain to me how many one and one make, she had said: "There is one, to +begin with; well now, one more makes two," therefore as one made two in +this case, I supposed it did in every other.</p> + +<p>I learned to love the mild countenance of Miss Sewell, with her plain +dark hair and soft eyes, and was never happier then when she was invited +to tea; for then I was emancipated from the nursery and placed beside +her at table. I dearly loved to take her fruit and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page053" id="page053"></a>[pg 053]</span> +flowers; and white +lilies, roses, honey-suckles, and the most admired productions of our +garden were daily laid on Miss Sewell's table. For rewards we had a +great many wide, bright-colored ribbons, which were tied upon our arms, +that every one might see them as we went home; and she who could boast a +variety of ribbons was known to have been perfect in all her lessons. +Those who had fallen into disgrace were distinguished by a broad band +passed around the head, on the front of which was written in large +characters the name of the misdemeanor.</p> + +<p>One morning I had been rather negligent, and, having my suspicions as to +the consequence, told Mammy of my fears, and my dread of the disgrace. +The old nurse's anger even exceeded mine; she declared that her child +should not be treated so, and advised me to snatch it off and tear it to +pieces. I went to school, not having exactly made up my mind whether to +follow this advice or not; but my afternoon lessons fully made up for +the deficiency of the morning, and I escaped the dreaded punishment. I +had gone with several +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page054" id="page054"></a>[pg 054]</span> +companions to the closet in which we deposited +our hats and shawls, and while engaged in the process of robing, I heard +a very loud voice talking in great excitement, and one which I +immediately recognised. I overheard Mammy exclaiming: "Where is my +child? Has she got that horrid thing on her head? I want to take it off +before she goes home."</p> + +<p>Blushing with mortification, as I noticed the tittering of the +school-girls, called forth by the loud tone and strange figure of the +old nurse, who had rushed into the room in her usual attire of +short-gown and petticoat, I came hastily forward, and was immediately +seized by Mammy, who exclaimed in surprise: "Why, I though you said you +were going to have that thing on your head! I was determined that no +child of mine should wear it, so I came after you to take it off."</p> + +<p>Mammy was one of the most independent persons I ever saw; she cared for +no one's frown, and poured forth the whole love of her warm Irish heart +upon us—tormenting and troublesome as we were. Sometimes she sung to us +of "Acushla machree" and "Mavourneen," +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page055" id="page055"></a>[pg 055]</span> +and Mammy's Irish songs were +especial favorites with the young fry of the nursery. When we were +particularly obstreperous, she threatened to go away and leave us, and +never come back again; a threat which always produced copious showers of +tears, and promises of better behavior. Often have I watched her in +dismay as she dressed herself to go out—fearful that she would really +put her threat in execution, especially as conscience whispered that I +deserved it. At such times, nothing pacified me except the deposit of +her spectacles; when once the case was lodged in my possession, I felt +sure of Mammy—knowing that she could not stay long without them. +Sometimes she would tell us of her life in Ireland; but no act did she +more bitterly deplore than her marriage; complaining that the object of +her choice was far from what he appeared to be when she married him—and +further observing that as he turned out a very bad speculation, and +never gave her anything but a thimble, she wisely left him to his own +society, and emigrated to America.</p> + +<p>Mammy very often kept the key of the fruit-garden; +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page056" id="page056"></a>[pg 056]</span> +and as she never +yielded it to our entreaties, the ever-ready Fred formed a conspiracy +one Sunday afternoon, in which, I am sorry to say, I took a very +conspicuous part—the object of which was to purloin the key, and enjoy +at last this long-coveted, forbidden pleasure. Fred actually succeeded +in abstracting it from Mammy's capacious pocket, and in high glee we +proceeded to the garden. It was in the time of peaches; there hung the +lucious fruit in such profusion, that the trees were almost borne down +by its weight. We ate till we could eat no longer; and then, happening +to see two or three men passing along, we threw some over the fence to +them. They, in return, threw us some pennies; and, delighted with the +success of our frolic, we continued to throw and receive, until startled +by a most unwelcome apparition. There, at the foot of the tree, stood +Mammy—her face expressing the utmost astonishment and indignation, and +her hands extended to seize us. She had watched our manoeuvres from one +of the windows, and astonishment at our boldness and ingenuity kept her +for sometime a silent spectator. But +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page057" id="page057"></a>[pg 057]</span> +Mammy was not apt to be <i>silent</i> +long while witnessing our misdeeds; and in an incredible short space of +time she gained the use of both her feet and her tongue. Our companions +caught a glimpse of flying drapery rapidly advancing, and rather +suddenly made their retreat; while we, now trembling, detected culprits, +took up a line of march for the house.</p> + +<p>Not so, Fred; defying Mammy to capture him, and laughing at her dismay, +he started off on a run, and she after him in full pursuit. We watched +the chase from the nursery-window; and as Fred was none of the thinnest, +and Mammy somewhat resembled a meal-bag with a string tied round the +middle, it proved to be quite exciting. But it was brought to an +untimely end by the apparition of a pair of spectacles over the fence; +said spectacles being the undisputed property of a middle-aged +gentleman—a bachelor, who, we suspected, always stayed home from church +on Sunday afternoons to keep the neighbors in order. With +horror-stricken eyes he had beheld only the latter part of the scene, +and conceiving the old nurse to be as bad as her rebellious charge, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page058" id="page058"></a>[pg 058]</span> +he called out from his garden, which communicated with ours:</p> + +<p>"My good woman, do you know that this is Sunday?—Depend upon it, a +person of your years would feel much better to be quietly reading in +your own apartment, than racing about the garden in this unseemly +manner."</p> + +<p>Poor Mammy! she was well aware of this before; flushed, heated, and +almost overcome with fatigue, she looked the very picture of +uncomfortableness; and this last aggravation increased the feeling to a +tenfold degree. At that moment, Fred, unconsciously, stumbled into her +very arms; she looked up—the spectacles had disappeared—and convinced +of this fact, she bore him in triumph to the nursery.</p> + +<p>We had all expected personal chastisement, at the very least, but we +were thrown into a greater degree of horror and dismay than could well +be conceived; Mammy placed her spectacles in her pocket, collected her +valuables, and put on her hat and things, to take passage for Ireland. +We hung about her in every attitude of entreaty—acknowledged our +misdemeanors, promised amendment, and an entire confession +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page059" id="page059"></a>[pg 059]</span> +of all the +sins we had ever perpetrated. I do think we must have remained upon our +knees at least half an hour; never had Mammy seemed so hard-hearted +before, and we began to think that she might be in earnest after all. We +begged her to whip us—lock us up—anything but leave us; and at last +she relented. She told us that she considered us the most abandoned +children that ever were born; and wished that she had two additional +eyes at the back of her head to watch our movements. We promised to +spend the afternoon in learning hymns and verses; and Mammy, having +taken her position in the large easy-chair, with a footstool at her +feet, tied Fred to one of the legs, as he sat on a low bench at her +side, and made us all study. We succeeded pretty well; although +considerably terrified at the sharp looks which Mammy from time to time +bestowed upon us.</p> + +<p>In the evening came the promised confession; and both Mammy and Jane +were rendered almost dumb by these dreadful instances of depravity. Such +secret and unsuspected visits to the store-room pantry—such +conspiracies +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page060" id="page060"></a>[pg 060]</span> +against locks and bolts—such scaling of walls, and +climbing in at windows, were never heard of before. I rather suspected +Fred to have drawn upon his imagination for instances of the marvellous, +for such adventures as he related never could have been met with; but +Mammy and Jane believed it all. At the conclusion, the old nurse seemed +very much disposed to punish us at once for all these united +misdemeanors—and was only prevented by our remonstrating upon the plea +of a voluntary confession.</p> + +<p>That night I lay awake, pretending to sleep, and heard Mammy and her +satellite discussing our conduct in all its enormity. Considerably +influenced by their unaffected horror and astonishment, the thought for +the first time rushed upon my mind, that perhaps I might be much worse +than other people. It troubled me considerably; I found it impossible to +sleep, and following a good impulse, I crept softly out of bed, and +falling on my knees before Mammy, whispered to her to pray for me. There +must have been a very different expression on my countenance from its +usual one; for I afterwards +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page061" id="page061"></a>[pg 061]</span> +heard the old nurse tell Jane that I +reminded her of an angel. I felt utterly miserable; and sobbing +convulsively, I begged Mammy to pray, not that I might have a new heart, +but that I might live a great while. I had begun to fear speedy +punishment for my misdemeanors. The old nurse, (although a really pious +woman), seemed quite at a loss how to proceed; and Jane, coming forward, +took me kindly by the hand, and reasoned with me on my conduct with all +the wisdom of riper years and a higher education. After convincing me +that I should ask, not for an increased number of years, but for a new +heart and temper, she knelt down with me and repeated the Lord's prayer.</p> + +<p>The scene is indelibly impressed upon my memory; for although I have +since witnessed scenes containing more stage effect, and quite as +melting, I never in my life remember to have been so affected as, with +Jane's arm around me, and the light of the nursery-lamp shining upon our +kneeling figures, I distinctly heard Mammy's sobs, as she repeated each +word with a peculiar intonation of reverence. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page062" id="page062"></a>[pg 062]</span> +I felt a respect for the +young girl ever afterwards; and as I clasped my arms about her neck and +pressed a warm kiss on her cheek, as I bade her good-night, the tone of +my voice must have been unusually tender—for I saw tears come into her +eyes as she asked Mammy if she was not afraid, from my flushed cheeks, +that I had some fever. Although petulant, and even violent when roused, +I had a warm, loving heart, capable of the most unbounded affection; and +from that time forth Jane and I never had a single dispute. She had +appeared to me in a new light on that Sabbath eve; and with my hand +locked in hers, I fell into a sweet, dreamy sleep.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page063" id="page063"></a>[pg 063]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_VI"></a><h2>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + +<p>One of my great troubles, and one too which I regarded in a pretty +serious light, was the obeisance I had been taught to make on meeting +"the minister's wife." I never came within view of this formidable +personage that I did not hesitate and tremble; while I looked wildly +around, in the vain hope of discovering a place of refuge. After +performing my awkward courtesy, I usually hastened on as fast as +possible, being oppressed with a most uncomfortable sensation of awe in +the presence of Mrs. Eylton. This was occasioned by the quiet observance +which I, like other children, took of the conduct of those around me. +Everything in the house seemed to be at her command; if Mrs. Eylton sent +for a thing she +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page064" id="page064"></a>[pg 064]</span> +must have it immediately; and I drew my conclusions +that "the minister's wife" was a sort of petty sovereign, placed over +the town or village in which she resided, and that all we possessed was +held under her.</p> + +<p>Almost every day brought a request from Mrs. Eylton for the loan of some +article in our possession; a repetition of which would naturally lead +one to conclude that ministers merely procured a house, and then +depended for everything else on the charity of the public. This +borrowing mania appeared to gather strength from indulgence, for none of +the neighbors would refuse, whatever the article might be; and our +waffle-iron, toasting-fork, Dutch-oven, bake-pan, and rolling-pin were +frequently from home on visits of a week's duration. On sending for our +muffin-rings or cake-pans, we often received a message to be expeditious +in our manufactures; that Mrs. Eylton could spare them for a day or so, +"but wanted to use them again very shortly." Our parents would buy such +conveniences, send them to the kitchen of Mrs. Eylton, and borrow them +from time to time, if in perfect +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page065" id="page065"></a>[pg 065]</span> +accordance with that lady's +convenience. She would even borrow her neighbor's servants, and often at +very inconvenient times. Jane had often been sent for to take care of +the children; and the usual request came one afternoon that seemed to me +stamped with most remarkable events.</p> + +<p>We were in a kind of sitting-room on the ground-floor, and my father sat +writing at a small table near the window. A servant entered with the +announcement: "Mrs. Eylton, ma'am, wants to borrow Jane."</p> + +<p>An expression of vexation crossed my mother's countenance as she +remarked: "I do not know how I can possibly spare Jane this afternoon; +Mammy has gone out, and I do not feel inclined to attend to the children +myself."</p> + +<p>My father looked up from his writing as he observed: "Nor do I see the +necessity of your being troubled with them, Laura."</p> + +<p>"Not see the necessity!" exclaimed my mother, "How can I refuse the wife +of our minister? I would be willing to put up with some inconvenience +for Mr. Eylton's sake. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page066" id="page066"></a>[pg 066]</span> +Poor man! he has a hard time of it, with his +talents and refinement."</p> + +<p>"No doubt he has," said my father, pityingly; then, in a more merry +tone, he added: "But can you think of no other alternative, Laura, than +disobliging Mrs. Eylton, if you object to this juvenile infliction for a +whole long summer's afternoon?"</p> + +<p>My father was of a bolder, more determined character than my mother, and +had, withal, a spice of fun in his composition; and the expression of +his eyes now rendered her apprehensive of some sudden scheme that might +create a feeling of justifiable anger in Mrs. Eylton.</p> + +<p>"Dearest Arthur!" she exclaimed beseechingly, as she placed a soft hand +on his shoulder, "Do not, I beseech of you, put in execution any +outlandish plan respecting Mrs. Eylton!--Do let Jane go as usual; for +she is not one to understand a joke, I can assure you—she will be +offended by it."</p> + +<p>"And pray, madam," asked my father, with assumed gravity, "what has led +you to suppose that I intended making Mrs. Eylton the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page067" id="page067"></a>[pg 067]</span> +subject of a +joke? Away with you," he continued, with a mischievous look at those +pleading eyes, "Away with you, and let me do as I choose."</p> + +<p>Turning to the servant, he asked: "Mrs. Eylton has, I believe, requested +the loan of other articles besides our domestics—has she ever sent to +borrow any of the children?"</p> + +<p>"Indeed, and she has not, sir," replied the girl, with difficulty +repressing a laugh.</p> + +<p>"Well then," said he, "we will now send her both the article she +requested, and some articles which she did not request. Tell Jane to be +ready to go to Mrs. Eylton's with the children."</p> + +<p>"Yes sir," and the servant departed to execute her commission.</p> + +<p>"Arthur!" remonstrated my mother.</p> + +<p>"Not a word!" said my father gaily. "Children," he continued, "do you +wish to go? What says my madcap, Amy?"</p> + +<p>Madcap Amy, for once in her life, said nothing—being too much awed and +astonished to reply. To think that I should actually enter the house, +and be face to face with the formidable +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page068" id="page068"></a>[pg 068]</span> +Mrs. Eylton? The idea was +appalling; and for sometime I sat biting my nails in thoughful silence. +It was so sudden, it had always appeared to me that a great deal must be +gone through with—a great many different degrees of intimacy +surmounted, before I should ever find myself within the house of Mrs. +Eylton; but here was I, without the least warning, to be transformed +from the bashful child, who made no sign of recognition save an awkward +courtesy, into the regular visitor—and for a whole afternoon! No wonder +I took so long to deliberate. Though not particularly remarkable for +bashfulness or timidity at home, and despite a character for violence +in, "fighting my own battles," to assert some infringed right, I +absolutely trembled at the idea of encountering strangers; and this +visit to Mrs. Eylton's appeared, to my excited mind, like thrusting +myself into the enemy's quarters.</p> + +<p>But then curiosity rose up in all its powers, to baffle my fear; I did +<i>so</i> want to see how the house looked inside, and whether they really +had anything that was not borrowed! And then who knows, thought I, but +what Mrs. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page069" id="page069"></a>[pg 069]</span> +Eylton will show me the inside of some of her drawers? I dare +say she has a great many pretty things. There was nothing which gave me +greater delight than looking into other people's drawers, and turning +over those remnants of various things which are stored away in most +houses—in many for the mere love of hoarding. Mamma would sometimes +allow me to arrange certain little drawers containing jewelry, ribbons, +and odds and ends. But the charmed room in our house was one that was +always kept locked, and, from the circumstance of a green ribbon being +attached to the key, we called it "the green-ribbon room."</p> + +<p>Dear me! what a collection that room contained. There were several large +trunks that nearly covered the floor, besides boxes, and bags, and +bundles; and these were filled with cast-off clothes, silks, ribbons, +and bunches of artificial flowers and feathers. The room was not very +often opened; it was at the very top of the house, and lighted by a +large dormar-window; but as soon as mamma mounted the stairs, with the +key in her hand, the alarm was given: "Quick! mother is going to the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page070" id="page070"></a>[pg 070]</span> +green-ribbon room!" and mamma's ears were immediately refreshed by the +sound of numerous little feet moving up stairs at locomotive speed, with +the ostensible purpose of assisting her in her researches—but in +reality, to be getting in her way, and begging for everything we saw. It +was, "Mamma, mayn't we have this?" or, "mayn't we have that?" or "Do say +yes, just this once; and we'll never ask you for anything again as long +as we live—never," a promise faithfully kept till next time.</p> + +<p>Mamma sometimes tried to go up very softly, in order to elude our +vigilance; but it wouldn't do. She often wondered how we found out that +that she was there, but we seldom missed an opportunity. Now and then a +dear little pitcher, or a vase of cream-colored ground with a wreath of +faint pink roses traced around it, or a cluster of bright-colored +flowers in the centre, arrested our attention, and called forth +rhapsodies of admiration. I supposed that everybody had just such a +room; and it was very probable, I thought, that Mrs. Eylton might chance +to open hers during our visit. Therefore I decided that, notwithstanding +my +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page071" id="page071"></a>[pg 071]</span> +terror of the lady, a greater amount of pleasure might be obtained +by going there, than by staying at home.</p> + +<p>So Jane, with her own trim person as neat as possible, bore off her +charges to the nursery, in order, as she said, "to make us fit to be +seen." "Mrs. Eylton might see this," or "notice that," and I felt +uncomfortably convinced that Mrs. Eylton must possess the sharpest pair +of eyes it had ever been my misfortune to encounter. Finally, we set +off; I remember being dressed in a white frock, with a broad sash, and +experiencing a consciousness of looking remarkably well, in spite of my +hair—which, having obstinately repulsed all Jane's advances with tongs +and curl-papers, was suffered to remain in all its native straightness.</p> + +<p>It was summer, and a multiflora rose-vine, which extended over the front +of the parsonage, was then in full flower; while, as we mounted the +steps, I distinguished through the green blind door glimpses of a +pleasant-looking garden beyond. We entered the back parlor, where sat +Mrs. Eylton attired for a walk, and surrounded by three children, all +younger than +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page072" id="page072"></a>[pg 072]</span> +myself. The minister's lady did not appear quite so +formidable on a close survey; though the aspect of her countenance was +by no means promising, as her eye fell upon us.</p> + +<p>"Well, Jane," she commenced, in the tone of one who felt herself +injured, "you have kept me waiting some time—how is this? Punctuality +is a virtue very becoming in a young person."</p> + +<p>Jane looked exceedingly disconcerted at this address; but at length she +replied, that "she could not get the children ready before."</p> + +<p>"<i>The children</i>!" repeated Mrs. Eylton; while, young as I was, I plainly +read in her countenance, "What possessed you to bring <i>them</i> here?"</p> + +<p>"Yes ma'am," replied Jane, gathering more courage as she proceeded, +"Mrs. Chesbury sent them with me to spend the afternoon. She had no one +to attend to them at home."</p> + +<p>In the meantime I became aware, as I glanced around the room, that the +prospect for the afternoon promised very little amusement. Mrs. Eylton +soon after left us, telling Jane to be very careful that we got into no +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page073" id="page073"></a>[pg 073]</span> +mischief; and, with, a feeling of disappointment, I saw the door close +behind her. In my scenting of the apartment I became very much struck +with the appearance of a curious looking little work-stand, containing +three small drawers. Immediately my imagination was at work upon their +contents; and I determined, if possible, to satisfy my curiosity. Mrs. +Eylton had departed without making any provision for our amusement, and +I saw no reason why I should not examine the drawers—especially if I +handled things carefully, and put them all back again. Probably they +were in disorder, and then what a pleasant surprise it would be for Mrs. +Eylton to find them all neatly arranged on her return!</p> + +<p>Jane now proposed walking in the garden; and to avoid suspicion, I +joined the party for the present. There were a great many flower-beds, +very prettily laid out; and at the end of a wide path stood a pleasant +little summer-house, half-buried in vines. We established ourselves +there, from whence we could view the whole garden; and with a pretence +of looking again at the flowers, I soon made my +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page074" id="page074"></a>[pg 074]</span> +escape, and returned to +the house. A wide glass-door opened from the back room into the garden, +and carefully closing this, I approached the table and attempted to open +the drawers. I tried the first one,—it was locked; the second,—and met +with no better success. Almost in despair, I placed my hands on the +third, and that finally yielded to my efforts. I beheld heterogeneous +rows of pins, papers of needles, etc., and was about to shut it in +disappointment, when my glance fell on a small box. Small, +mysterious-looking boxes always possessed a talismanic attraction in my +eyes; and the next moment I was busily at work examining the contents. +The round lid lifted, I found my gaze irresistibly fascinated by a +child's face, with fair, curling hair, and azure eyes. But the great +beauty lay in its expression; that was so calm, holy, and serene, that I +felt insensibly better as I gazed upon it. It was a peculiar face; and I +became so wrapt in its contemplation as to lose all hearing of what +passed around, until a step sounded close beside me.</p> + +<p>I looked up, and fairly trembled with terror +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page075" id="page075"></a>[pg 075]</span> +and dismay. There stood +Mr. Eylton, gazing on me in surprise, as if quite at a loss what to make +of the circumstance; but as his eye fell upon the picture, I noticed +that an expression of sadness crossed his countenance. Not knowing what +to do with myself, and almost ready to sink through the floor with +shame, I stood with bowed head and burning cheeks, the very picture of +mortification. But there was no trace of anger in Mr. Eylton's tone, as, +kindly taking me by the hand, he drew me towards him and asked me my +name. I answered as well as I could; and still holding the picture, +remained in silent consternation. Mr. Eylton took it from my hand, and +sighed as he bent a deep, loving gaze upon the fair face.</p> + +<p>Prompted by a sudden impulse, I raised my eyes to his, as I enquired: +"Can you tell me where that little girl is now? I should <i>so</i> like to +see her!"</p> + +<p>"In heaven, I trust," replied Mr. Eylton, while his voice slightly +faltered, and a tear stood in his eye. "She was my daughter, Amy—she +died some years ago, when very young."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page076" id="page076"></a>[pg 076]</span> + +<p>I felt almost ready to cry myself, when told that she was dead, and +gazed lingeringly upon the portrait as Mr. Eylton closed the box; and +placing it in the drawer, he returned to me again.</p> + +<p>"But, my dear child," said he suddenly, "Why did you open the drawer? Do +you not know that it was extremely improper?"</p> + +<p>"I did <i>so</i> want to see what was in it!" was my rejoinder.</p> + +<p>Mr. Eylton seemed puzzled at first by this reply; but probably +perceiving that I had been too much left to myself, he proceeded to +explain, in clear and concise words, the nature and tendency of my +fault. "This curiosity, my dear child, is an improper state of feeling +which should not be indulged in. Suppose," continued he, "that on +looking into this drawer, you had perceived some article which you +immediately felt a great desire to possess; yielding to the temptation +of curiosity would thus lead to the sin of covetousness, and perhaps the +crime of theft might be also added. You would reason with yourself that +no one had seen you open the drawer, and forgetting +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page077" id="page077"></a>[pg 077]</span> +the all-seeing Eye +which never slumbers, you might conclude that no one would know you took +the article which did not belong to you."</p> + +<p>The prospect of becoming a thief struck me with horror; and resolving +never again to meddle with other people's things, I begged Mr. Eylton to +forgive me, and entreated him not to inform Mrs. Eylton of my +misdemeanor. He smiled at the anxiety I displayed not to have it known; +and then taking a bunch of keys from a box, he proceeded to gratify my +curiosity with respect to the other drawers. These amply repaid an +investigation; containing numerous toys and trinkets of foreign +manufacture, among which were two or three small alabaster images. One +represented a beautiful greyhound in a reclining position; there was an +Italian image of the Virgin and Child; and some others which I have +almost forgotten. I was allowed to examine all these things at my +leisure; and when I departed, it was with a firm conviction that Mr. +Eylton was far more agreeable than his wife.</p> + +<p>Jane soon came in from the summer-house, after an unsuccessful search +for me through +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page078" id="page078"></a>[pg 078]</span> +the garden, and was not a little surprised to find me +quietly established with Mr. Eylton. Towards sunset Mrs. Eylton +returned; and being graciously dismissed, we went home with the +impression that it had been altogether rather a curious visit. But the +afternoon dwelt in my memory like a golden gleam; and often I went over, +in imagination, that delightful investigation of Mrs. Eylton's drawers.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page079" id="page079"></a>[pg 079]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_VII"></a><h2>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + +<p>We were generally besieged with visitors of all descriptions and +characters. My parents had one or two poor relations who made long stays +at every visit; and being generous, even to a fault, they loaded them +with presents at their departure, and invitations to come again. There +was one old lady, in particular, who engaged my fancy; she came to see +us quite often, and in the family went by the name of "Aunty Patton." +Aunty Patton was a widow, with very slender means; and boarded with a +married daughter, who had a large family of children, but very little to +support them on. Poor Aunty! she fared rather poorly at home, and did +<i>so</i> seem to enjoy everything. She was particularly fond of fruit-cake; +and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page080" id="page080"></a>[pg 080]</span> +whenever she came, mamma took particular pains that this should be +one of the appliances of the tea-table. She possessed many wealthy +acquaintances and relations, and enjoyed visiting around among them very +much; praising everything that was set before her, and never +contradicting any one. It teemed impossible to put anything on the table +which she did not like; everything was "good," and "delightful," and +"just what she would have fancied." At length some cousin determined to +test her patience; and on one occasion, when the old lady happened to +dine there, the dishes, when uncovered, were found to contain nothing +but supaun and potatoes.</p> + +<p>"I am really sorry, Aunty Patton," began the hostess, "to be able to +offer you nothing better for dinner—but sometimes you know"—</p> + +<p>"O," said Aunty, with rather a rueful look, "it'll <i>do</i>."</p> + +<p>Poor Aunty had that very day prepared herself for something uncommonly +nice in the way of dinner, and felt a little disappointed; but cousin +Emma soon restored her equanimity by a liberal display of fruit-cake and +other nice +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page081" id="page081"></a>[pg 081]</span> +things, which presented themselves on opening the side-board +door.</p> + +<p>Aunty Patton had mild, winning kind of manners, and became a general +favorite in the nursery; probably on account of her always noticing us, +and pronouncing us "lovely little creatures." She appeared to me the +most heavenly-minded old lady I had ever seen; and I listened, with a +species of awe, to the long stories which she loved so dearly to relate +about everybody whom she visited. She was very short—not seeming to me +much taller than myself—and the cumbrous dress of the period was +calculated to make her appear much shorter. She would sit and relate +wonderful occurrences which seemed constantly taking place in her +daughter's family; one of the children would cut his foot, and for +sometime there would be danger of amputation—another urchin would upset +a kettle of scalding water on himself, and then he would be laid up for +sometime, while mamma turned the green-ribbon room topsy-turvy in her +searches after old linen—and once the daughter fell down stairs, and +was taken up for dead. They seemed +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page082" id="page082"></a>[pg 082]</span> +to be an unfortunate family—always +meeting with hair-breadth escapes. Aunty Patton's reticule was always +well filled with good things on every occasion of her departure; and +very often a collection of money was added to the stock.</p> + +<p>Mamma sometimes endeavored to enlist our sympathies in benevolent +purposes. I remember, on one occasion, when I had been teasing sometime +for a new tortoise-shell comb to keep back my hair with, it suddenly +entered my head that it would be a well-disposed action to ask for some +money to give Aunty Patton.</p> + +<p>"Are you willing, Amy, to deny yourself anything," asked mamma, after I +had made my request, "in order that I may give this money to Aunty +Patton? It is no benevolence in you to ask me to give away money, unless +you are willing to do without something in consequence. If I give Aunty +Patton the five dollars that your comb will cost, are you willing to do +without it?"</p> + +<p>"Dear me," thought I, "being good is very expensive." I deliberated for +sometime, but finally answered, "No." My mother pressed +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page083" id="page083"></a>[pg 083]</span> +the subject no +farther; but after a while I exclaimed with a comfortable feeling of +magnanimity; "Yes, dear mamma, you <i>may</i> give Aunty Patton the five +dollars—and I'll get <i>papa</i> to buy me the comb!"</p> + +<p>Mammy was a great judge of character, and when she once made up her mind +not to like a person, it was very difficult to make her change her +sentiments. My father once brought in a travelling clergyman, who +represented himself as very devout and unfortunate; and we all made +great efforts to entertain him. He was travelling West, he said, and +endeavoring to collect on the road sufficient money to pay his expenses. +My father invited him to remain with us a month; and he seemed very much +to enjoy the good things so liberally showered upon him—contriving at +the same time to render himself so agreeable that he quite won our +hearts. Mammy alone remained proof against his insinuations; he paid +assiduous court to her, and did his best to remove this unfavorable +impression, but the old nurse remained immovable.</p> + +<p>He once asked her for the key to the fruit-garden, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page084" id="page084"></a>[pg 084]</span> +when my parents were +both out; but Mammy stedfastly refused him. "She had orders," she said, +"not to let the key go out of her possession, and she didn't intend to +now." The wandering clergyman departed quite enraged; and reported +proceedings as soon as my father returned. He was very much displeased +at Mammy's obstinacy, and spoke quite warmly on the subject; but the old +nurse replied that "she didn't know but he might make off with half the +fruit in the garden—she didn't like the man's looks at any rate."</p> + +<p>I had then in my possession a little morocco pocket-book, a treasured +article, which I valued above all my other worldly goods. Sometime +before Christmas, I had observed it in a a shop-window with passionate +admiration; and on my return home, I threw out various hints and +inuendoes—scarcely hoping that they would be attended to. They were, +however; for on examining my stocking on the eventful morning, the +long-coveted pocket-book was found sticking in the toe—and what was +still better, well supplied with contents. I was in +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page085" id="page085"></a>[pg 085]</span> +ecstasy for +sometime after; but wishing to do something to signalize myself, I now +placed it in the hands of the Rev. Mr. Motley for safe keeping.</p> + +<p>"Mark my words," said Mammy prophetically, "you'll never see a sign of +that pocket-book again."</p> + +<p>Alas! her words were but too true; circumstances came to light not very +favorable to the character of our visitor; and that very night the Rev. +Mr. Motley secretly decamped—mentioning in a note left behind, that +unlooked-for events had hastened his departure. My little pocket-book +accompanied him, as he quite forgot to return it; and Mammy's triumph +was almost as provoking as the loss. She had, however, with +characteristic caution, abstracted whatever money it contained; and the +reflection that the reverend gentleman had not gained much, gave her +considerable pleasure. The lesson taught me not to trust strangers again +too readily, and my father imbibed somewhat of a prejudice against +travelling clergymen in distress. Rev. Mr. Motley was never again heard +of.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page086" id="page086"></a>[pg 086]</span> + +<p>We once had a visit from a Captain Vardell, an acquaintance of my +father's, who had married a Spanish woman. This Captain had spent much +of his time at sea; roving about from place to place, until at length he +settled down for some years in Spain. He had no relations in America, +and but little money, so that of course my father's house, the usual +refuge of the needy and distressed, was at once his destination. He +appeared to us an indolent, good-natured kind of a man, and his wife +resembled him in the former quality, though quite deficient in the +latter. She could not speak a word of English, and would scold and rail +at her husband in Spanish for hours together. We did not understand what +she said, but we knew, by the flashing of those great black eyes and her +animated gestures, that her words were not words of love. She was a +large woman, with straight, black hair, that seemed to be always hanging +about her face, and rather handsome features. She spent most of her time +in playing jackstraws with us, or else lounging on the sofa; muttering +in rapid succession the words of a small prayer-book, which +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page087" id="page087"></a>[pg 087]</span> +Captain +Vardell told us she always carried about her, as it had been consecrated +and given to her by a Spanish priest. She appeared to us very much like +a great overgrown baby; manifesting the most childish delight on winning +a game, and equally angry when defeated. Once, when in extreme +good-humor, she shewed us how to make beads resembling coral, from a +certain paste which she manufactured; but we never could extract from +her the names of the materials, and were obliged to content ourselves +with making them under her direction.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Vardell was so extremely lazy that she would never stoop to pick up +anything she had dropped. If her handkerchief or prayer-book fell to the +floor, she made motions for us to bring them to her; and when we +sometimes mischievously pretended not to understand these signs, she +would let the article remain until some one restored it to her. She +never seemed to experience the least emotion of gratitude, and received +all favors as a natural right. She was an extremely troublesome, +exacting visitor, and we were not at all sorry when the time of her +departure arrived.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page088" id="page088"></a>[pg 088]</span> + +<p>My father had exerted himself on their behalf, and at the end of their +visit handed Captain Vardell a handsome sum of money, collected from +among his merchant friends and acquaintances. People were much more +liberal then than now, and the case of the Vardells did not fail to call +forth their sympathy and generosity. The Spanish lady made her adieus, +if so they could be called, with an easy indifference—apparently +considering her fellow-mortals as machines invented for her sole use and +benefit. Captain Vardell presented us children with a handsome +collection of shells, picked up on foreign shores during his numerous +voyages; and some of them were very rare and beautiful. Most of them had +a delicate pink tinge, like the outer leaves of a just-blown rose; and +we amused ourselves fur a long time by arranging them in a glass-case +which my father gave us for the purpose.</p> + +<p>Among our visitors was an aunt +of my mother's who lived in Waterford, Connecticut; and being a widow, +with quite a large farm to attend to, her visits were never of long +duration. I became very much attached to her, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page089" id="page089"></a>[pg 089]</span> +for she often entertained +us with long stories about the Revolution and the aggressions of the +British soldiers—about which you shall hear when I come to tell you of +the long visit I made there one summer. Aunt Henshaw was very proud of +her farm and farming operations; her cattle and vegetables had several +times won the prize at agricultural fairs, and she boasted that her land +produced more than any of her neighbors'; who, being men, were of course +expected to be more accomplished in such matters. She appeared to +delight in giving away things, and seldom made us a visit without +bringing something of her own raising. These little presents my father +always repaid tenfold; and Aunt Henshaw departed without a new gown or +hat, or something to show when she got home. I believe that we generally +anticipated more pleasure from her visits than from any of the numerous +friends who often favored us with their company.</p> + +<p>But Aunt Henshaw, I must confess, won my heart less by her own +individual merits than a present she once made me, which actually +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page090" id="page090"></a>[pg 090]</span> +appeared to me like a windfall from the skies. I was always +inordinately fond of reading, and my predelictions for fairy tales +amounted to an actual passion. When Mammy and Jane's ingenuity had been +exhausted in framing instances of the marvellous for my special +gratification, I would often fold my hands before my face, to shut out +all actual scenes, and thus sit and dream of wonderful adventures with +fairies, witches, and enchanted princesses. I was always happier in a +reverie than in the company of others—my own ideals I could make as I +chose—the real I must take as I found it. Castle-building is a pleasant +but dangerous occupation; had I not been so much of an enthusiast, a +day-dreamer, it would have been better for my happiness.</p> + +<p>But to return to Aunt Henshaw and her present. Some school-mate one day +told me of the varied wonders contained in the "Arabian Kights." My +imagination, always excitable, became worked up to a high pitch by tales +of diamond caverns, flying horses, and mysterious Baloons under ground. +If I went to sleep, it was to dream of gardens more beautiful than +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page091" id="page091"></a>[pg 091]</span> +Paradise itself—of cooling fountains springing up at every step—of +all sorts of impossible fruits growing just where you wanted them—and +lamps and songs that gratified every wish. At length I could bear these +tantalizing visions of unattainable pleasure no longer; I put on my +bonnet and determined to go the whole rounds of the village until I met +with some success. People wondered what ailed me that afternoon; I +bolted directly into a room—asked if they had the Arabian Nights—and, +on being answered in the negative, went out as expeditiously as I had +gone in, and tried another acquaintance. I was not easily daunted, and +took each one in succession, but all to no purpose; I returned home, +fairly sick with disappointment, and hope delayed.</p> + +<p>The very next day Aunt Henshaw came down on a visit; and placing in my +hands an old-looking, leather-covered book, observed, "I happened to +come across this stowed away in an old chest, Amy, and knowing your +fondness for fairy tales, I have brought it for you to read."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page092" id="page092"></a>[pg 092]</span> + +<p>I scarcely heard what she said; I had glanced at the book, and on +seeing "Arabian Nights" traced in large gilt letters, the ground seemed +swimming before me, and I could scarcely contain my senses. Seizing the +beloved book, I made my escape as quickly as possible; and mounting up +to the cupola, a tiny room with glass sides, that commanded a view of +the country round, I effectually secured myself against interruption, +and soon became fascinated out of all remembrance. The day waned into +evening—the shadows deepened around—I remember fixing my eyes on a +brilliant star that seemed to come closer and closer, until it assumed a +strangely beautiful form, and I lost all consciousness.</p> + +<p>In the meantime a strict search for me had been going on below. They +began to be alarmed at my continued absence; and after examining every +room, the garden, and every spot on the premises, they sent around the +neighborhood. I was known to be extremely fond of visiting, and every +acquaintance was interrogated in turn—of course, without +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page093" id="page093"></a>[pg 093]</span> +success. No +one had thought of the cupola, and mamma was getting fairly frightened; +when Mammy took a light, and on ascending to my dormitory, discovered me +fast asleep, with the book tightly clasped to my bosom.</p> + +<p>It afterwards yielded the boys as much delight as it had me; Fred, in +particular, had a notion of trying experiments upon the plan there laid +out. He had sat one afternoon for sometime with the book in his +hands—apparently resolving some problem in his own mind; Mammy was +stooping over the nursery fire, when she was suddenly startled by an +unexpected shower of water sprinkled over her head and neck—Fred at the +same time exclaiming, in a tone that seemed to doubt not: "I command you +instantly to turn into a coal black mare!"</p> + +<p>"I don't know what would become of you, you good-for-naught, if I did!" +returned Mammy.</p> + +<p>Some years later I read "The Children of the Abbey," and this opened a +new field of thought. My dreams, instead of being peopled +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page094" id="page094"></a>[pg 094]</span> +with fairies +and genii, were now filled with distressed damsels who met with all +sorts of persecutions and Quixotic adventures, and finally ended where +they should have commenced.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page095" id="page095"></a>[pg 095]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_VIII"></a><h2>CHAPTER VIII.</h2> + +<p>I had a boy-lover who always selected me as his partner in all our +plays, and kept me in pointers with blue ribbons attached to them, to +point out the towns on the large map in the school-room. Charles Tracy +was about my own age, but in disposition and taste he resembled my +brother Henry, and the two were quite inseparable; while his sister +Ellen and I formed an acquaintance through the fence by displaying our +dolls to each other—and this was the beginning of an intimacy that +lasted a long time for children's friendships.</p> + +<p>Ellen possessed a charm which often caused me to experience the +uncomfortable sensation of envy; her hair fell in long, golden-colored +ringlets upon her neck and shoulders, and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page096" id="page096"></a>[pg 096]</span> +these same curls seemed to +shake about so nicely whenever she moved her head. I sometimes thought +that Ellen shook them about much more than was absolutely necessary; but +at the same time they excited my warmest admiration. I felt as though I +could do anything—go through with all sorts of difficulties to have my +hair curl naturally; and with a feeling of unspeakable rapture I +listened to Ellen one day as she told me in a mysterious whisper that +the nurse had said eating crusts made her hair curl.</p> + +<p><i>Eating crusts!</i> What a discovery!--I immediately felt ready to eat all +the crusts in our house and every one else's. I bribed the children to +deliver up all their crusts to me, and commenced eating them with a +voracity that excited the surprise of all the nursery inmates. But +already, in perspective, I beheld my head adorned with long, glossy +curls, and I persevered, despite the laughter I excited. I devoured +crusts by the wholesale, but alas! no waving locks rewarded my patient +toil; and at length I had the pleasure of hearing that the crust +business was a fable, invented by Ellen's +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page097" id="page097"></a>[pg 097]</span> +nurse to induce that young +lady to finish her odds and ends of bread, which she was very much +disposed to scatter about the nursery. It was cruel, after being +elevated to such a pinnacle of happiness, to find my hopes thus rudely +dashed to the ground; and my hair seemed straighter than ever, from +contrast with what I had expected it to be. Ellen was prevented from +wasting her crusts, and so far it was well; but the nurse lost by her +falsehood whatever respect I may have had for her—a loss which she +perhaps did not regard as such, or indeed trouble herself at all +about—but even a child's good opinion is something.</p> + +<p>I was very much inclined to be fleshy—too much so, I thought, for +beauty of figure; and this was another great annoyance. People in +speaking of us, always used to say: "What fine large children!" until I +hated the very sound of it, and wished most earnestly for Ellen's light, +fairy-like figure. I once resolved to starve myself into growing thin; +and, to Mammy's great surprise, refused to taste the dinner she handed +me, and resolutely persisted in going to bed without my supper. Mammy, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page098" id="page098"></a>[pg 098]</span> +good old soul! watched me narrowly, not having been let into the secret +of my laudable resolve; and while she supposed that I had fallen into a +restless slumber, I was in reality tossing about on my trundle bed, +suffering the tantalizing pains of hunger. I remonstrated with myself in +vain; heard all the <i>pros</i> and <i>cons</i> on both sides in this perplexing +case of vanity <i>vs.</i> appetite, and finally resolved to satisfy my +hunger, cost what it would.</p> + +<p>But how to do this was the next question. Enticing slices of bread and +butter kept dancing before my eyes; and at length, when I heard the +snore which announced Mammy's departure to the land of dreams, I rose as +quietly as possible, and descended on a foraging expedition to the +pantry. How very nice everything did look! I stood for a moment feasting +my eyes with the sight, but oh, ill-timed delay! I had not tasted a +single morsel, when a low whisper fell upon my ear, and on turning, I +beheld Mammy gazing on me rather fearfully, while at her elbow stood +Jane in night-gown and cap, who was violently rubbing her eyes in order +to clear away the fancied mist, and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page099" id="page099"></a>[pg 099]</span> +thus convince herself that it was +really the veritable <i>me</i> who was about to perform such an +unheroine-like part.</p> + +<p>This discovery seemed to me exactly like those tantalizing dreams in +which you are sitting down at a table covered with everything nice, but +before you have time to taste anything your visions are rudely +dispelled, and you wake and look in vain for the tempting paraphernalia. +I once bore this in mind after being several times teased in this +manner; and resolving not to be so deceived again, I succeeded in +regaling myself with a mince-pie—which appeared to me quite in the +light of a triumph. I now cast about me for some means to escape from +this disagreeable dilemma; and having heard Mammy whisper to Jane: "How +very wild she looks!" I found that they supposed me to be walking in my +sleep, a practice to which I was somewhat addicted; and not seeing why +sleep-walkers should not direct their course to the cupboard as well as +anywhere else, I boldly seized a loaf and commenced an attack upon it.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page100" id="page100"></a>[pg 100]</span> + +<p>"Let us wait and see what she will do," whispered Mammy.</p> + +<p>"It is very evident what she will do, now that she has the loaf in her +hands," replied Jane in a sleepy tone. "I do not believe that she is +asleep at all, but just as wide awake as we are. I have read a story +somewhere," she continued, "of a French girl who succeeded in persuading +people that she lived without eating; but at last some one watched the +girl closely, and one night discovered her at the pantry, regaling +herself with cold chicken sufficiently to go without eating for a week. +Now, Miss Amy has eaten neither dinner nor supper, and she may be +imitating the French girl, in order to be made a fuss with. I will speak +to her and see."</p> + +<p>"Not for the world!" exclaimed Mammy in terror, as she grasped the more +enterprising Jane. "Do not touch her—for I have heard of its killing +people to be awakened suddenly while in this state."</p> + +<p>Jane obeyed, although her face still wore an incredulous expression; and +I continued eating, looking as wild as possible all the time. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page101" id="page101"></a>[pg 101]</span> +The nursery-maid began at length to fear that I would put an end to my own +life, if not spoken to; but Mammy still objected—murmuring as she +watched my voracious performances; "Poor child! how hungry she must have +been to come down and eat in her sleep! I wonder why she refused her +tea?"</p> + +<p>After a while, however, I became more sleepy than hungry; and Mammy and +Jane kindly conveyed me back to my little bed, where I slept soundly +till morning. I was not destined to reap much glory from this +escapade—not even the glory of being a sleep-walker; for Jane, looking +me steadily in the face, said: "Now, Miss Amy, I wish you to tell me +truly whether you were asleep last night, when you went down into the +pantry and devoured almost a whole loaf of bread! Now be a good girl, +and tell the truth, for you frightened us very much."</p> + +<p>At first I pretended stupidity, and inquired, "what pantry?" and "what +bread?" but Jane soon discovered that I knew very well; and while she +looked at me so searchingly I could not possibly frame a plausible +story—so, from +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page102" id="page102"></a>[pg 102]</span> +sheer necessity, I told the whole truth, "and nothing +but the truth." My curious attempt at getting thin excited great +amusement; but Mammy told me that she knew of a better way than that, +which was to run up and down stairs as much as possible. I followed her +advice until I became tired of it; and during that period I was +universally acknowledged to be the most obliging child in the house, for +I was quite indefatigable in running on other people's errands. I became +discouraged, though, when I found that I remained as fat as ever; and +began tasking my brain for some other expedient.</p> + +<p>I had gone to Ellen Tracy's to enjoy a holiday; and, quite mad with +spirits, we roamed hither and thither, scarcely knowing what to do with +ourselves. At length Ellen proposed that we should go to "the boys' +room," and go we accordingly did. We would have recognized it as the +sanctum of two or three noisy urchins of the male gender, even had we +not known it beforehand. On the dressing-table stood a top, half-a-dozen +marbles, and a fishing-line; while the walls displayed various quaint +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page103" id="page103"></a>[pg 103]</span> +devices of their own drawing. There was a something which, Ellen +informed us, was intended for a ghost; but if so, he had a most undue +proportion of flesh on his bones, and looked far more like a giant. We +concluded to equip ourselves in male attire, for the sake of +variety—being heartily tired of frocks and petticoats; and Ellen's +pretty curls having been tucked up under a round cap, she looked so +fascinating that I felt quite ambitious to rival her—but in attempting +to draw on one of Charles' jackets, I found that it would not meet round +my waist. Oh, mortification unspeakable! to find myself larger around +the waist than a boy a whole year my senior! I could scarcely refrain +from bursting into tears; forgetting that I belonged to the dumpling +order, while Charles was as slender and straight as a young birch tree. +My pleasure for that day was gone; in vain Ellen displayed her whole +stock of worldly possessions to tempt my admiration. I scarcely bestowed +a look on anything, and returned home perfectly miserable.</p> + +<p>For days I kept my ears wide open in hopes +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page104" id="page104"></a>[pg 104]</span> +of catching something that +might relieve my distress, and at length I met with some success. I +overheard a visitor telling my mother of some young lady, whose figure +they had been admiring, that she was nothing at all without her +corsets—a complete dumpling; and then followed a long digression on the +impropriety of imposing upon the public in this manner; but for that I +did not care—I determined to impose upon them too, as soon as I got a +chance. Soon after, a school-mate encased me in a remarkably tight pair, +during an afternoon's visit; and having, as she said, 'made me look +quite genteel,' I departed for home with the delightful consciousness of +being 'something of a figure.' Before bed-time I had a romp in the +garden with my wild brother and Charles Tracy; I experienced a feeling +of suffocation, while running through the paths, that became quite +insupportable.</p> + +<p>"Why Amy!" exclaimed Charles as he grasped my arm, "What <i>is</i> the +matter? you look quite black in the face!" They all gathered around me, +but unable to speak, I sank +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page105" id="page105"></a>[pg 105]</span> +back into Charles Tracy's arms, and lost +all consciousness.</p> + +<p>When I recovered, I found myself lying on my own little bed, with my +mother bending fondly over me—the cause of all this trouble on a chair +at my side—and Mammy, dear, good Mammy! regarding me with a puzzled +look of surprise.</p> + +<p>"Why, she actually fainted!" whispered Jane, "just dead away, like any +grown person!"</p> + +<p>"No," replied Mammy, "the child was dreadfully squeezed, and that took +away her breath. She'll kill herself next, with some of her capers!"</p> + +<p>Mamma now made a sign for them to be quiet, and stooping down close to +my face, asked me how I felt. I tried to answer, "better;" but the words +almost choked me, and I still experienced a difficulty in breathing. The +evil consequences of this attempt at the graceful were but temporary, +however; and the next morning, as I sat up quite recovered, a discussion +took place between mamma and the old +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page106" id="page106"></a>[pg 106]</span> +nurse on the propriety of +equipping me at once in corsets to improve my figure. I soon experienced +the delight of possessing a pair of my own; on which memorable occasion, +I resolved that, like the old woman, I would "neither borrow nor lend;" +but the present was conditional—on the first instance of my lacing too +tight it was to be taken from me. I took care that this should never +happen—that is, to such a degree as to expose myself to punishment; but +in many a scene of enjoyment did I suffer the consequences of my foolish +vanity. Often while music, and dancing, and everything contributed to +render a children's party delightful, I sat apart in a corner, or else +went languidly through the figures of the dance, while every nerve +throbbed with acute pain.</p> + +<p>Ellen and I had for sometime noticed that Charles and Henry were more +together than ever. They seldom associated with us now, or asked us to +join them; Henry proved faithless with respect to a table he had +promised my doll, and Charles refused, for the present, to dig his +sister's garden spot; therefore we put +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page107" id="page107"></a>[pg 107]</span> +our two wise heads together and +concluded that this must mean something. The moment school was out, the +cap was hastily snatched from its nail in the entry, and they both +sallied forth together—where, or for what purpose, we tried in vain to +discover. On Saturdays they were constantly at work in the barn, +hammering, and cutting, and shaving; and one day we detected them +making, over a fire which they had built on bricks in the open air, +something which smelt very much like molasses candy. But upon Ellen's +venturing to communicate this to Charles, he answered contemptuously +that "it was just like girls!--always fancying that everything was +something eatable!"</p> + +<p>The two made a journey to town together, and came back laden with sundry +parcels; and notwithstanding all this business, Henry found time to be +very industrious in weeding the flower-beds, for which my father paid +him so much an hour—and I noticed that he was uncommonly punctual in +presenting his bills. Without being very penetrating, we discovered +that the scheme, whatever it might be, was one that required a great +deal of time, a great +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page108" id="page108"></a>[pg 108]</span> +deal of shopping, and a great deal of money. We +racked our brains in vain, and not a single mite of information could we +extract from the boys; indeed, we might just as well have attacked two +pine boards, for they pretended to be deaf as soon as we commenced our +inquiries. Ellen began to be afraid that they meditated living on some +wild island, like Robinson Crusoe, for she had seen Charles privately +appropriate a hatchet, and a ball of twine; and I inclined to the +opinion that they were both going to sea, and represented to Ellen how +delightful it would be to have them making voyages and bringing us +shells, and corals, and all sorts of curious things. But I was the +greatest philosopher of the two, for my more timid playmate cried +bitterly at the idea; and it was sometime before I could succeed in +pacifying her.</p> + +<p>We one day discovered the boys in an old barn on the premises; and +waiting patiently near by until we saw them depart on some errand to the +house, we perceived, to our great joy that the door was unfastened; and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page109" id="page109"></a>[pg 109]</span> +effecting a hasty entrance, we expected to be almost as well rewarded +for our trouble as was Blue-beard's wife on entering the forbidden +chamber. But nothing could we see except a few old boxes turned upside +down, and along one side a neat row of shelves. We perceived indeed that +the small window now contained four panes of glass, and we also +discovered two or three little shelves there. But here our discoveries +ended; there was nothing to account for all the labor and privacy that +had been going on for the last two or three weeks,—and quite in +despair, we returned to the house before the boys discovered our prying.</p> + +<p>Things continued in this state for sometime longer; and finding that all +our efforts at discovery were not rewarded with the slightest success, +we assumed an appearance of proud indifference, and pretended to be as +much occupied with our dolls and baby-houses as they were with their +barn. Now and then one of the boys, in the tantalizing spirit of +mischief, would thrust a parcel under our very eyes, exclaiming at the +same time: "Wouldn't you like to see the inside, though? Confess, now, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page110" id="page110"></a>[pg 110]</span> +that you would give your very ears to know what's in it!"</p> + +<p>"Indeed, and we would not!" in great indignation, "not we! We supposed +that it was some boys' nonsense not worth talking about, and were quite +occupied with our own affairs, without troubling ourselves about them."</p> + +<p>In a tone that sounded very much as though he were in earnest, Charles +would continue: "Suppose, Henry, that we let them know what it is, if +they promise not to tell—shall we?"</p> + +<p>"By no means," Henry would reply, with the air of a Socrates, "Women can +never keep a secret—I have heard my father say so."</p> + +<p>"We were sure we didn't want to hear their secrets!" and indignantly +clipping away with our scissors, we turned a deaf ear to all further +remarks. However, the secret did come to light after a while, and in a +most unexpected manner.</p> + +<p>We had just received a liberal allowance of pocket-money, and while +Ellen and I deliberated on the various ways in which it might be spent +to advantage, Henry asked us, with a +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page111" id="page111"></a>[pg 111]</span> +perfectly grave face, if we had +heard of the new store lately opened near us? <i>New</i> store! Why there had +never been any store at all, except the little stand kept by old Betty +Tweednor, and now Henry spoke of the new store as though such a thing +had ever existed. Certainly we had not heard of it; but resolving to +remain no longer in ignorance, we seized our bonnets, and were ready to +start in a moment. Henry looked very knowing and mysterious; but +following his guidance, we soon found ourselves at the barn which had +before excited our curiosity. Why, it had been turned into a regular +shop! Rows of candies, better known among children as "barber's-poles," +looked imposingly out of the window, and these were flanked by piles of +pea-nuts, apples, etc. But all these would have been nothing without that +delight of childhood—taffy-candy; and upon a further investigation, we +discovered a very ingenious pair of clam-shell scales, with holes bored +for strings to pass through, and suspended from a stout stick which was +kept in its place by being fastened to an upright piece of wood at each +end—the whole resting upon +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page112" id="page112"></a>[pg 112]</span> +a very complete counter formed of old +boxes. It looked exactly like a real store; and behind the counter stood +Charles, as demure as possible,—while crowds of our schoolmates gazed, +admired, and wondered.</p> + +<p>A sign near the door informed passers that "the proprietors, grateful +for past favors and the patronage of a liberal public, would continue +the business under the firm of Chesbury and Tracy." It would be a +somewhat difficult task, we thought, to discover the favors and +patronage alluded to; but the young merchants had concluded that this +clause gave a dignity and air of reality to the whole. We experienced +the pleasure of making purchases, weighed out to us from the much +admired clam-shell scales, and were very particular in exacting full +weight. Each sale was recorded in a small account book; and long after +we had grown to the years of discretion, our mirth was excited by +accidentally meeting with this juvenile record. So many purchases were +made that afternoon, that the young storekeepers perceived with dismay +the very visible decrease in their supplies. We accused them of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page113" id="page113"></a>[pg 113]</span> +retrenching considerably in their quantities, on this discovery, and +thought that they were too inexperienced for so weighty an office.</p> + +<p>Ellen and I often added to their stores by little pies and cakes which +we manufactured at home; and in process of time their articles embraced +such a variety that the shop became quite celebrated. Even mamma would +sometimes come to make purchases; and the boy-merchants found their +scheme a very profitable one. But alas! it vanished with the last summer +breath; the early snows surrounded their little store, and all access +became inconvenient. So they had a sale at prime cost—and we then +obtained most wonderful bargains in the confectionary line. Finding +himself quite wealthy now, Charles could well afford to be generous; and +presented me with a new doll, and his sister Ellen with a miniature set +of cups and saucers, over which we had many happy tea-drinkings. We +received no presents from Henry, and heard nothing of his money; and it +was not till some time after, and then through another source, that we +learned that his portion had materially helped to keep a +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page114" id="page114"></a>[pg 114]</span> +poor woman +from freezing during the winter. My father often remarked of Henry, that +"he was too generous and self-forgetful ever to be rich;" but there is +no doubt that such have their reward—in their own consciences at least.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page115" id="page115"></a>[pg 115]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_IX"></a><h2>CHAPTER IX.</h2> + +<p>The winter wore rapidly away with sleigh-riding, snow-balling, and our +usual parties; and spring, lovely spring! again made its appearance. Our +flower-garden looked its very loveliest at this season; for it boasted +countless stores of hyacinths, tulips, daffodils, blue-bells, violets, +crocuses, etc. I remember so well when we first noticed the little green +sprouts shooting up in spots from which the snow had melted; and on +making this discovery, we always danced into the house and shouted out: +"Spring has come!" It gladdened our very hearts to find the first little +violet that dared to show its head above the ground; and then we ran to +the peach-trees to look at the delicate pink buds that shot forth so +curiously without +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page116" id="page116"></a>[pg 116]</span> +any leaves. There was a warm sweet breath abroad upon +the air that tossed our hair about, and fanned our flushed cheeks, and +we knew that it was spring, sweet spring! that had come again to us. Oh, +how delightful it was when, escaped from all watchful eyes, I could +throw aside the troublesome sun-bonnet, that so obstructed my sight, and +dig and delve at pleasure! Never in all my life have I been so happy as +in these delightful spring days, when I roved about the paths with a +heart full of happiness, and a sensation of thankfulness for the +blessings I enjoyed.</p> + +<p>Two circumstances contributed materially to immortalize this particular +spring in my recollections: I then completed my tenth year, which I +thought left me on the very threshold of womanhood, and we had two pet +squirrels, who inhabited the locust trees in front of the house, with a +tin cage to retire to at night—one of whom we called "blackey," and the +other "browney," from their different colors.</p> + +<p>"Blackey" was extremely mischievous, and rarely could be caught; but +"browney" seemed a perfect paragon of gentleness and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page117" id="page117"></a>[pg 117]</span> +goodness—and I +would seat myself on the steps, holding him for hours, and listening to +the monotonous hum of the locusts, which always filled my heart with a +sense of quiet happiness. Did you never sit watching the glorious +sunbeams, as they fell on the soft, fresh grass, and with this low, +soothing hum in your ears, feel that the earth was very beautiful? I +have; but then I was a dreamer—an unmistakable, enthusiastic dreamer, +and my fancies would, perhaps, be laughed at by the wise ones of earth.</p> + +<p>To return to "browney;" my love cooled for him very suddenly one +morning, as, with my finger in close proximity to his mouth, I sat and +apostrophized him thus, "You dear, little angel, you! I love you +dearly!" a sudden closing of sharp little teeth on my poor fingers put +an end to my rhapsodies; and the "little angel" was most unceremoniously +dropped on the ground, from whence he made his escape to his usual home, +the locust tree—and I never again sought to entice him from his +retreat. I ran about the walks as usual this spring, but it was with +languor and indifference that I +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page118" id="page118"></a>[pg 118]</span> +visited our usual haunts; and I +wondered what it was that made my steps so very slow and dragging—it +seemed as though a weight were tied on each heel. If I attempted a race +with the boys, I was obliged to give up from very weariness; and +laughing at what they termed my laziness, they pursued their amusements +without me. Charles Tracy would now and then bring me a bunch of wild +flowers; and to the surprise of all, I preferred sitting with them in my +hands to joining in my usual noisy games. I grew pale and thin; and +Mammy and Jane began to express their uneasiness about me, while I often +noticed my mother's eyes fixed upon me in tender solicitude.</p> + +<p>I went to bed one night feeling restless and feverish. It was the latter +part of April, and a small wood-fire still burned on the hearth; on the +embers of which I fixed my eyes steadfastly, until strange shapes and +burning eyes seemed moving about the quiet hearth. I was quite alone; +Mammy had gone out to spend the evening, and Jane was taking her tea in +the kitchen. Had it been for life or death I could not have spoken; I +tried to scream—but +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page119" id="page119"></a>[pg 119]</span> +a hollow sound rattled in my ears—and with the +cold drops gathering on my forehead, I lay still, subdued, in a state of +delirious agony. I was almost senseless; until at length, feeling a +touch upon my arm, and a breathing at my side, I started wildly up, and +eluding all pursuit, fled swiftly down the stair-case. I pressed my hand +tightly on my throbbing head, and gaining the kitchen, burst suddenly +in, exclaiming, "O! Jane! Jane! do not leave me again!" I sunk down +insensible; and remember nothing but a scream of horror which proceeded +from Jane, who, having just seated herself beside me as I sprang out of +bed, had followed me in a state of breathless alarm to the kitchen.</p> + +<p>When I again opened my eyes, it was about midnight. I had been conveyed +to my mother's room, and now experienced the delightful sensation of +finding myself in a high bed, with curtains; while my head was raised up +with pillows to an unusual height. In turning myself to obtain a better +view of the surrounding scenery, I became conscious of a stiffness in my +right arm; and fairly shuddered +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page120" id="page120"></a>[pg 120]</span> +with horror on perceiving a basin of +blood close to my bedside. But worse and worse! a few paces further off +stood a grave-looking man, whom, from his very air, I knew to be a +doctor. Nay, had I been at all doubtful on this point, the addition of a +pair of spectacles would have convinced me at once—as this is an +ornament especially pertaining to M. D.'s. I had always hated, loathed, +dreaded a doctor as I would a nauseous object; and I now trembled to +find myself in his power—fearing that he read my dislike in my face. +Spectacles, too, disconcerted me; the glimmer of the polished glass +seems to add new fire to the eyes beneath; and I now beheld a pair, eyes +and all, levelled directly upon me. I shuddered at the very idea of a +doctor, and could never sit still in the room with one; and now there +stood that horrid man, evidently regarding me as his victim, while I +felt too weak and sick to make the least resistance.</p> + +<p>My aversion probably arose from the circumstance of once having had a +loose front tooth pulled out—one that was just ready to jump out +itself; which operation, I felt +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page121" id="page121"></a>[pg 121]</span> +convinced, had left my system in a very +shattered state. Often since did I torture myself for hours by mounting +up on a table before the glass, and with a string tied around a loosened +tooth, give it a little cowardly pull at intervals—lacking sufficient +courage to rid myself of my trouble at once. I have sometimes sat in +this interesting position for a whole morning; and should probably have +continued it through the afternoon had not Fred, or Henry, perceiving my +employment, come slyly behind me and caused me to start suddenly, which +always dislodged the troublesome tooth.</p> + +<p>My eyes rested a moment on the doctor, and then glanced off to seek some +more agreeable object, and having found mamma, she seemed like a lovely +angel in comparison with the ogre who, I felt convinced, only waited his +opportunity to put an end to my life. Mamma came close to me, and +observing my gaze still bent upon the basin, she whispered softly: "Do +not look so frightened, Amy, you have only been bled—that is all, +believe me."</p> + +<p><i>All</i>! After this announcement I wondered that I breathed at all; and +had I not been too +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page122" id="page122"></a>[pg 122]</span> +weak should certainly have cried over the thoughts +of the pain I must have suffered in my insensibility. I made no reply, +but leaned my head droopingly upon the pillow; and Dr. Irwin, taking my +hand, observed: "She is very weak, and we may expect delirium before +morning."</p> + +<p>His first assertion received the lie direct in the strength with which I +pushed him off, as I would the touch of a viper; and clinging to mamma, +I cried: "Take him away, dear mother! Take him away!--Do not let him +come near us!"</p> + +<p>"What?" exclaimed the doctor good-humoredly, "are you afraid of me, my +little lady? Do I look so very frightful?"</p> + +<p>I was quite surprised at his pleasant tone, and on a nearer survey of +his features, felt my passion considerably cooled; but those odious +spectacles spoiled all. I remember soon after being raised up, while +some one held a cup to my lips, but whether the draught were good or bad +I was unable to determine. Dr. Irwin now took my mother aside, and +whispered something in a low tone, as he placed a small +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page123" id="page123"></a>[pg 123]</span> +packet in her +hands. I heard my mother say: "I am afraid she will never take it, +doctor," to which he replied: "But she <i>must</i> take it, madam—we cannot +consider a child's humors in the scale with her life." I now felt +assured that some nauseous compound was being prepared for me; which I +firmly resolved to fling in the doctor's face, should he dare to +approach me with it. I was a perfect fury when roused; and this fancied +cruelty excited my strongest passions.</p> + +<p>But Dr. Irwin wisely took himself off; and the next morning poor mamma +received half the mixture on her dress, while the other half found a +resting place on the floor—a few drops only having slipped down my +throat; while one of the servants heard my screams at the end of the +village, and the next door neighbor, prompted by humanity, sent to +inquire the name of the murdered party. The next dose was more +successful; mamma having spread out before my eyes all her possessions +which she thought likely to tempt me, I received permission to make a +choice, on condition of swallowing a spoonful of calomel jalap. I +further displayed my gentleness by biting Dr. Irwin's +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page124" id="page124"></a>[pg 124]</span> +fingers when he +attempted to look at my throat, and the good man evidently regarded me +as a pretty refractory patient.</p> + +<p>I always had a great horror of being sick—that is, a real, regular fit +of sickness, where you are perched up in bed, and have to do as other +people please, and have only just what covering they please—when you +are not suffered to put an arm out, or toss off a quilt that almost +smothers you, or drink a drop of cold water. Once in a while, I thought, +to be just sufficiently sick to sit in the easy chair and look over +mother's pretty things, or daub with her color-box, while people brought +me oranges and waited upon me, did very well. I was not a gentle, timid, +feminine sort of a child, as I have said before—one who would faint at +the prick of a pin, or weep showers of tears for a slight headache; I +was a complete little hoyden, full of life and spirits, to whom the idea +of being in bed in the day-time was extremely disagreeable—and when I +had been "awful," according to the nursery phraseology, the greatest +punishment that could be inflicted upon me was to send me thither to +enjoy the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page125" id="page125"></a>[pg 125]</span> +charms of solitude. I was a female edition of my brother +Fred; not quite so prone to tricks and mischief, perhaps—but almost as +wild and unmanageable.</p> + +<p>Now and then Fred would come down in the morning pale, sick, and +subdued-looking; his head tightly bound with a handkerchief, and his +whole countenance expressive of suffering. A sick headache was the only +thing that could tame him; and a smile of ineffable relief sat on the +faces of the others as they glanced at his woe-begone visage. He was as +secure for that day as though chained hand and foot. My quiet hours were +when some fascinating book engrossed my whole attention; I drank in each +word, and could neither see nor hear anything around.</p> + +<p>But here I was, really sick and quiet, ill in bed for a whole +month—day-time and all; and oh! the nauseous doses that somehow slipped +down my unwilling throat! Sometimes I would lie and watch the others +moving around and doing as they chose, and then, feeling galled by my +own sense of dependence and inefficiency, the warm blood would glow +quickly as before, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page126" id="page126"></a>[pg 126]</span> +and springing hastily up, I determined to throw off +this weary feeling of lassitude. But it was of no use; all I could do +was to sink back exhausted, and "bide my time."</p> + +<p>When the first stage of my illness was passed, poor mamma, completely +worn out, would often leave me to the care of Mammy or Jane; with +numerous directions to see that I took whatever had been left for me by +Doctor Irwin. I always liked to have Jane with me, for I <i>loved</i> her; +and the medicine never seemed to taste so bad when she gave it to me. +She had various ways of smoothing this disagreeable duty; and one night +when I had been rather obstreperous, she cut a pill in two and took +half, by way of keeping me company; saying as she swallowed it that +"perhaps it might do her some good." When I became well enough to leave +my bed I sat in a nice easy-chair drawn close up to the window, from +whence I could see the early flowers that were now blooming in full +beauty in the garden below, while some amusing book rested on my lap. I +remember that they brought me the very first strawberries that ripened; +and the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page127" id="page127"></a>[pg 127]</span> +neighbors were so kind that many a well-relished delicacy was +sent in "for Mrs. Chesbury's sick child."</p> + +<p>I was just able to run about, but still looking very pale and thin, when +Aunt Henshaw arrived on a visit. "What!" exclaimed she, "can this be the +madcap, Amy? Why, you look like a ghost, child! What in the world have +you been doing to yourself—studying too hard?"</p> + +<p>The old lady possessed no great powers of penetration, and not being +sufficiently discerning to distinguish between the love of reading and +the love of study, she concluded, from seeing me often with a book in my +hand, that I was quite a studious character. Aunt Henshaw remained a +week or two; and though not exactly sick, I remained thin and drooping, +and seemed to get no stronger as the season advanced. The state of my +health was canvassed over and over again in the family circle; and one +day, when they were all gazing upon me with anxious solicitude, and +remarking upon my pale cheeks, Aunt Henshaw observed: "She needs a +change of air, poor child! She must go home with me."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page128" id="page128"></a>[pg 128]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_X"></a><h2>CHAPTER X.</h2> + +<p>I was quite surprised at the effect which this remark produced. Although +an only daughter, I had never been much caressed at home—I was always +so troublesome that they loved me best at a distance. If I happened to +get into the library with my father, I was sure to upset the inkstand, +or shake the table where he sat writing—or if admitted to my mother's +apartment, I made sad havoc with her work-basket, and was very apt to +clip up cut out articles with my little scissors—which said scissors I +regarded with the greatest affection; in the first place because they +were my own private property, and in the next place, they afforded me +the delightful pleasure of clipping—that great enjoyment of childhood; +but they +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page129" id="page129"></a>[pg 129]</span> +did so much mischief that complaints against them were loud +and long, and I quite trembled at an oft-repeated threat of taking them +away.</p> + +<p>My mother evidently disapproved of Aunt Henshaw's proposal, and my +father drawing me towards him affectionately, said: "I am afraid we +could not part with our little madcap—we should miss her noise sadly."</p> + +<p>The idea of being missed, and actually made a subject of argument, was +something quite new to me; and glancing in surprise from one to the +other, I awaited the issue in silence, scarcely knowing whether I wished +to go or stay. But Aunt Henshaw carried her point. She represented so +many advantages to be gained by the change, where I could run about +quite wild, rolling among the fresh hay, and breathing the pure +air—insisting that it must bring a color into my pale cheeks—that my +parents at length yielded.</p> + +<p>Now began the delightful bustle of preparation. My mother turned over my +scanty wardrobe with perplexed looks; and an immediate cutting and +clipping took place, by which old gowns of hers were made into bran new +ones +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page130" id="page130"></a>[pg 130]</span> +for me. Nor was this all—some were bought on purpose for me; and +I had two or three delightful jaunts to the city, to choose the patterns +for myself; and I wondered if anybody ever had so many, new things at +once as I was about to have. I became quite a wonder in the family—a +person whose movements were of the utmost importance; for I was going to +be away from them the whole summer, and it seemed an almost endless +separation. Mammy was not at all pleased at their sending her child away +from her; the old nurse even cried over me, and insisted upon it that I +had always been a paragon of excellence, and that she could not live +without me. My father gave me some money to buy her a present, the +selection of which was to be left entirely to my own taste; and the sum +I expended in a manner perfectly characteristic: I procured a large +bunch of gay beads for Mammy, and presented Jane with the wonderful +history of little Red Riding Hood. Both treasured them as carefully, and +apparently valued them as highly, as if they had been better selected; +and being quite confident that they would +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page131" id="page131"></a>[pg 131]</span> +prefer them to anything else, +I was much surprised at the disapprobation expressed in the family +circle.</p> + +<p>I gave Henry a little pincushion, which I made on purpose for him, and +not knowing what to present Fred with, I allowed him to rip open my +second-best doll, which was still in quite a good state of preservation. +Fred had always possessed an inquiring mind, and an inclination to +inspect the contents of everything, in consequence of which my +possessions often suffered—and this employment now afforded him the +most intense satisfaction; while I, with a certain feeling of curiosity, +and yet scarcely able to repress an effort for the rescue of poor dolly, +stood watching the proceeding. Nothing appeared, however, but saw-dust; +although Fred had positively assured me that he had no doubt we would +find a diamond ring, or a piece of money, at least—as people often did +where they least expected it; and it was partly this consideration that +led me to consent to the dissection, for we had made an agreement to +divide the spoils.</p> + +<p>Fred's head was always filled with wonderful +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page132" id="page132"></a>[pg 132]</span> +schemes of this nature, +and if he had not been so lazy and fond of mischief he would have made a +smart boy; for he was always reading books containing wonderful +researches into the productions of former centuries; and being +particularly interested in the study of minerals and different species +of rock, he often endeavored to explain to me the various forms of +strata which were found below the earth; but my comprehension could not +take it in. He was continually poring over fossil remains, and digging +in the garden for something curious. He one day ran in with his apron +full of stones and other rubbish, and holding up in triumph an object of +various hues, through which a slight blue shade was distinctly visible, +he called out eagerly: "See, mother! I have really found some fossil +remains at last!"</p> + +<p>Mamma took the admired treasure in her hand, as Fred desired; and as she +did so, a smile that had hovered about her mouth grew deeper and deeper; +and finally her amusement burst forth in a hearty laugh. Fred seized his +prize indignantly, and after washing it with the greatest +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page133" id="page133"></a>[pg 133]</span> +care, found +himself in possession of the spout of an old crockery tea-pot. We heard +no more of fossil remains after that; though he still pursued his +researches privately—having, I believe transferred his expectations +from fossil remains to golden treasures. He was hardly more successful +in this line, as he never found anything to reward his toil except a +solitary five-pence, that he mistook for a gold piece, and which +required more rubbing and scouring to make it distinguishable than it +was worth. Having sacrificed my doll on the shrine of sisterly +affection, not to mention the dross of private interest, I concluded +that I had done as much for Fred as he had any right to expect; and +employed myself in arranging sugar-plums in various attractive forms, as +farewell presents to my younger brothers.</p> + +<p>The eventful morning arrived on which I was to take my departure. It was +my first absence from home for any length of time, and I had scarcely +been able to sleep at all during the night—my mind being occupied with +the one all-engrossing thought. I scarcely dared to listen at first, for +fear I should hear it rain; +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page134" id="page134"></a>[pg 134]</span> +but the sun shone brightly in all the glory +of a clear June morning, and springing out of bed, I dressed myself as +expeditiously as possible, for fear that Aunt Henshaw might go off +without me. "What then was my surprise, when after breakfast I saw the +old lady sit down as usual, and after carefully wiping her spectacles, +take up a book she had been perusing, just as if the greatest event of +my life were not about to occur that very day?</p> + +<p>"Why, Aunt Henshaw!" said I in a tone of acute disappointment, "Are we +not going to-day?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly, my dear," was her reply, "But the stage coach will not be +here till two o'clock, and I have all my things ready."</p> + +<p>What could I possibly do with the six intervening hours? I too had all +my things ready; and my spirits were now in a state that absolutely +required excitement of some kind or other. I tried to read, but it was +impossible to fix my thoughts on the subject—even the Arabian Nights +failed to interest me; and after wondering for some time at Aunt +Henshaw, who could view the near prospect of a +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page135" id="page135"></a>[pg 135]</span> +journey that would +occupy two or three days with the most perfect composure, I proceeded to +my mother's apartment. I had not been there long before I got up a cry, +and felt more doubtful than ever whether I wished to go. But mamma +talked with me for some time; and having clearly ascertained that it was +my parents' wish that I should go, in hopes of benefiting my health by +the change, I comforted myself with the idea of martyrdom on a small +scale.</p> + +<p>I put my doll to board with Ellen Tracy until my return, at a charge of +so many sugar-plums a week; with strict injunctions not to pull its arms +or legs out of order, or attempt to curl its hair. I could not eat a +mouthful of dinner, but Aunt Henshaw stowed away some cake for me in a +corner of her capacious bag; a proceeding which then rather amused me, +but for which I was afterwards exceedingly thankful. The time seemed +almost interminable; I threw out various hints on the value of +expedition, the misery of being behindhand, and the doubtful punctuality +of stage-coaches—but Aunt Henshaw remained immovable.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page136" id="page136"></a>[pg 136]</span> + +<p>"As to its coming before the appointed time," said she, "I never heard +of such a thing. It is much more likely to leave us altogether."</p> + +<p>Dreadful idea! Suppose it should! I stood flattening my nose against the +window-pane in hopes of spying the welcome vehicle; but it did not even +glimmer in the far distance. Full half an hour before the time, I was +equipped in the wrappers which my invalid state required, impatiently +awaiting the expected clatter of wheels. At length it rolled rapidly up +to the door; a shabby-looking vehicle, drawn by four horses—and a +perfect wilderness of heads and eyes looked forth from the windows, +while legs and arms dangled from the top. It was quite full; and several +voices called out, "They can't come in, driver! It's impossible!"</p> + +<p>What a blank fell upon my hopes at these cruel words! The people looked +so savage and unpitying, and I thought that after all we must stay at +home—there seemed no crevice of space into which we could force +ourselves; and in silent consternation I surveyed Aunt Henshaw's +substantial proportions. But she +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page137" id="page137"></a>[pg 137]</span> +was an experienced traveller; and +making her adieus with a degree of composure and certainty that quite +reassured me, she took me by the hand and advanced to the stage as +smilingly as though they had all invited her to enter. The driver's +eagle eye spied out a seat for Aunt Henshaw—a kind-looking old +gentleman took me on his lap—the door was closed, and away we rattled. +Aunt Henshaw, never much given to silence, found a congenial companion +in the gentleman who had given me a seat; they were soon engaged in an +animated conversation on the pleasures of farming, during which I went +to sleep—nor was I aroused until about two hours after, when we found +ourselves landed at the wharf. We went on board the packet, and +proceeded to the cabin, where I was surprised, amused, and rather +frightened at the appearance of the narrow-looking boxes which we were +destined to sleep in. But Aunt Henshaw assured me that there was no +danger; and I found from experience that I could sleep almost as well +there as in my own bed at home.</p> + +<p>The wind was unfavorable, and we were +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page138" id="page138"></a>[pg 138]</span> +almost a week on the water; but +at length we reached New London and proceeded to Waterford. Aunt +Henshaw's family, I knew, consisted only of a daughter—her sons having +married and settled away from her—and to the meeting with this cousin +Statia, I looked forward with some anxiety. It was almost dark when we +approached the house; a real farmhouse, with lilac and syringa bushes in +front, and a honeysuckle running over the piazza. A little dog came out +and barked at us—a sensible-looking cat rested on the porch—and in the +door-way stood Cousin Statia. She kissed me affectionately, and appeared +glad to see her mother; and we were all soon seated around the table, +where fresh cottage-cheese, crimson radishes, and warm tea-cakes looked +invitingly forth.</p> + +<p>I was rather disappointed in the appearance of Cousin Statia; I had +expected to see a fresh, smiling-looking country girl, but I found a +stiff, demure-looking young lady, at whose age I scarcely dared venture +a guess. A little colored girl waited on the table, who evidently +surveyed me with a great deal of interest; for +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page139" id="page139"></a>[pg 139]</span> +I constantly caught the +sharp glances of her little black eyes. She had been christened +Aholibama—a name which she told me was taken out of some story-book, +though I afterwards found that it was in the Bible—but this being too +long an appellation, they had abbreviated it to Holly. During a hasty +glance into the cheerful kitchen, I caught a glimpse of a very +nice-looking colored woman, who, I afterwards found, was Sylvia, the +cook.</p> + +<p>Everything looked very pleasant around, though plain; but I was tired +and sleepy, and at an early hour Cousin Statia conducted me to a small, +neat room in the second story, with white curtains; and after +ascertaining that I could undress myself, she left me for a short time, +promising to come and take the candle. I felt the least bit homesick and +wished very much to see them all; but I was also very much interested in +the novelty of a new scene, and anticipated a great deal of pleasure in +examining the premises. Aunt Henshaw had told me that she believed there +were kittens somewhere around, and I determined to search till I found +them; for a little pet kitten +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page140" id="page140"></a>[pg 140]</span> +appeared to me the sweetest of all +created things.</p> + +<p>In the meantime, I began to experience a very uncomfortable sensation +that quickly swallowed up all other thoughts. Cousin Statia had taken +the candle, but it was a bright, moonlight night, and the beautiful +moonbeams that came dancing in and formed a perfect network upon the +floor, made the room almost as light as day. It was not very warm +weather, but I felt the perspiration pouring down, while I trembled in +every limb. My eyes were fixed with a sort of fascination on the +opposite wall, where the shadow of a figure seemed to pass and repass; +and every time it arrived at a certain point, there was a sort of a kick +up, as though with the feet behind. I looked all around, as soon as I +dared to, but everything was still except the tormenting shadow. I +scarcely breathed, but kept watching the queer figure, till I was almost +ready to faint from cowardice. I tried to reason with myself—and called +to mind how my father had endeavored to banish this weakness; how one +night on being afraid to go into the cellar, he +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page141" id="page141"></a>[pg 141]</span> +had himself gone with +me and examined every corner, to convince me that there was nothing to +fear; and under the impulse of these reflections I sprang out of bed, +determined to investigate the mystery. I went in every part of the room; +I examined the window, the curtains, but nothing was to be seen, while +the figure still continued its movements; and almost sick, I returned to +bed, to lie and watch the shadow. All sorts of queer stories rushed into +my head; I tried to forgot them and think of something else, but it was +impossible. The movement was slow, regular, and punctual.</p> + +<p>At last I could stand it no longer; I rushed to the window, determined +to stay there till the mystery was explained, for I felt convinced that +I should find it there. I directed my eyes piercingly to every part of +the curtains; and at length I perceived that the window had been let +down at the top. I closed it, arranged the curtains differently, and +then, in some trepidation, returned to my shadow. It had disappeared; +and I now understood that the formidable figure was merely a part of the +curtain, which, influenced by the night wind, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page142" id="page142"></a>[pg 142]</span> +swayed to and fro, causing the shadow on the wall.</p> + +<p>I do not think I ever experienced a cowardly feeling afterwards; that +night perfectly satisfied me that superstition was the most unreasonable +torture that could be inflicted on oneself; and I was ever afterwards +celebrated for my bravery. Even my father praised my conduct, and said +that it was pretty well for a girl of ten years, under such +circumstances—at the same time representing to me how much more +reasonable such a course was, than screaming would have been, to rouse +the household for nothing. I went quietly to sleep, and dreamed neither +of goblins nor ghosts, but of a dear little spotted kitten with a blue +ribbon around its neck.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page143" id="page143"></a>[pg 143]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_XI"></a><h2>CHAPTER XI.</h2> +<br></br> + +<p>I did not wake very early the next morning, and when I opened my eyes, I +perceived Cousin Statia standing by my bedside, who had been endeavoring +to waken me. Her manner was rather solemn as she announced that Aunt +Henshaw was waiting for me to commence the morning services. At this +information I felt very much mortified; and springing quickly out of +bed, I was soon dressed and in the breakfast room. Aunt Henshaw sat with +a large Bible open before her; and after kissing me kindly, she read a +chapter, and then offered a short prayer.</p> + +<p>After breakfast, Cousin Statia proceeded to wash up the cups and +saucers, which she always did for fear of their being broken; +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page144" id="page144"></a>[pg 144]</span> +Aunt +Henshaw proceeded to the poultry yard, and I accompanied her. She had a +large tin pan in her hand, filled with moistened Indian meal, with which +she fed the chickens; of which there seemed an endless number, both old +and young. Then we went to the barn-yard, and she showed me a young +calf; but it was an awkward-looking thing, that scampered about without +sense or meaning. But I had not forgotten the kittens, and I asked Aunt +Henshaw where they were. She said that she would look; and going into +the barn, we peered around, in mangers and out-of-the-way places, +without the least success; and we concluded that the old cat must have +hid them up in the mow.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps Holly knows, though," said the old lady, on noticing my +disappointment, "very little escapes her eyes, and we can at least call +her and see."</p> + +<p>Holly was called, but with not much more success than our hunt after the +kittens, so we were obliged to proceed to the kitchen—a wing on the +same floor with the parlor and dining-room. Holly was now visible, +peeling +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page145" id="page145"></a>[pg 145]</span> +apples, and evidently glad to be released from her task, she +professed herself perfectly acquainted with the whereabouts of the +kittens.</p> + +<p>"But can we get them?" asked Aunt Henshaw.</p> + +<p>"Oh yes, Missus," replied Holly, "if you'll only 'tice the old cat +somewhere and shut her up. She'd 'spect suthin' if she saw me, and +there'd be no gittin' rid of her; and if she once ketched us at the +bisness, she'd scratch our very eyes out—cats is always dreadful skeery +about their kittens."</p> + +<p>There was something in this speech which grated on my ear as painfully +ungrammatical; and I resolved, on the first opportunity, to instruct +Holly in the rudiments of grammar. +She remained in the kitchen while Aunt Henshaw, after calling "pussy" in +an affectionate manner, shut the cat up in the dining-room; and our +guide then led the way to the kittens. The garret stairs turned off in +two directions; one led to about four or five steps, beneath which was a +hollow place extending some distance back, where Holly had often seen +the old cat go in and out in a private manner.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page146" id="page146"></a>[pg 146]</span> + +<p>"Now," said she, "you stay here, and I'll jest git the rake and rake +the kittens out for Miss Amy, here."</p> + +<p>"But I am afraid you will hurt them," said Aunt Henshaw.</p> + +<p>"It ain't very likely," replied Holly confidently, "that they're a-going +to be so shaller as to git hurt. They'll squirm over the points of the +rake, and take care of themselves."</p> + +<p>The rake was brought; and five little sprawling kittens, with their eyes +scarcely open, were soon crawling at my feet. "Oh, you dear little +angels!" I exclaimed in ecstasy.</p> + +<p>"Rather black-looking angels," said Aunt Henshaw with a smile.</p> + +<p>I took them up, one after another, and was quite at a loss which to +admire most. There were three black ones, one grey, and one white one +spotted. I rather thought I preferred the white and grey, while Holly +claimed the three black ones. We took them all to the kitchen and placed +a saucer of milk before them, while Holly let out the cat, that she +might see how well we were treating them. She looked around in surprise +at first; but then deliberately +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page147" id="page147"></a>[pg 147]</span> +taking them one by one, she carried +them all off in her mouth, and we saw nothing more of them for some +time.</p> + +<p>I spent the morning in wandering about; and in the afternoon I sat in +the parlor with Cousin Statia, who was knitting as fast as her needles +could fly. I asked her for a book; and after some search, she handed me +the "Pilgrim's Progress," in which I soon became deeply interested, +while Aunt Henshaw took a nap in her chair. Towards evening the old +white horse was harnessed up, and we took a drive; Aunt Henshaw being +determined, as she said, to put some color in my pale cheeks. They +evidently thought a great deal of this old horse, whom they called Joe; +but I mentally compared him with my father's carriage-horses—a +comparison not much to his advantage. Cousin Statia drove, but Joe did +not seem much disposed to go. Every now and then he came to a +stand-still, and I quite wanted to get out and push him along. But they +saw nothing uncommon in his behavior, and even congratulated themselves +upon his being so careful. Aunt Henshaw said that such +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page148" id="page148"></a>[pg 148]</span> +dreadful +accidents had happened in consequence of horses running away with +people, and that Joe's great virtue consisted in his being so perfectly +gentle.</p> + +<p>We did not drive very far, and on our return found that Sylvia had tea +all ready and waiting for us. The old colored woman was quite tasty in +her ideas, and had garnished an immense dish of strawberries with +flowers and leaves, through which the red fruit gleamed most temptingly +forth. After tea, when Cousin Statia had taken up her knitting, and Aunt +Henshaw was seated in her usual chair, I placed a low stool beside her +for myself, and begged for one of her usual stories. She was a very +entertaining old lady, with a great deal of natural wit, and abundant +reminiscences of the times in which she had lived. Nothing delighted us +more than to hear her stories of the Revolution, in many of which she +figured as principal actor; and I now expected a rich treat.</p> + +<p>"Well, I do not know," replied Aunt Henshaw in answer to my question, "I +think I must have told you all."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page149" id="page149"></a>[pg 149]</span> + +<p>This remark, I knew from experience, was the prelude to something even +more interesting than usual, and I waited patiently for her to begin.</p> + +<p>"Did I ever tell you," she continued, "of the time that Statia went to +her Uncle Ben's at night, with no one except her two little brothers?"</p> + +<p>I had never heard the narrative, and eagerly settled myself in the +position of a listener.</p> + +<p>"Statia," said her mother, "you had better tell the story—perhaps you +remember it better than I do."</p> + +<p>"It was a raw November night," she began, "and though it did not exactly +storm, the wind moaned and raged through the trees, blowing the fallen +leaver about in gusts, and making a pleasant fire seem doubly cheerful. +The large hickory logs were roaring and blazing in our huge fireplace +and my father, my mother, my two brothers, and myself were gathered +around the fire. I was the eldest, but I was then only twelve years old; +and yet, I remember always to have felt a great deal of care and +responsibility towards the other +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page150" id="page150"></a>[pg 150]</span> +children I never can forget the night, +for I then experienced my first lesson of self-forgetfulness; and +whenever I speak of it, it seems as of something just passed. As I was +saying, we all sat by the fire, and had just been talking of the +British, who were dreaded and feared by us children as a race of ogres. +The door opened suddenly, and John, one of the hired men, stood before +us, his countenance expressive of some disaster. My father and mother +both rose in apprehension, and demanded the cause of his seeming terror.</p> + +<p>"Why sir," he stammered, "perhaps it ain't after all, anything so very +bad—there may not be any real danger; though it ain't exactly what you +would have chosen. I have just come from the post-office, and they say +that a party of British have landed about four miles below, and will +probably come and take supper with you. I do not believe they will do +anything worse, but it is best to be ready."</p> + +<p>My mother turned very pale, but she did not faint; she was a true +daughter of America, and always tried to repress all outward signs of +weakness. "I can load the guns," said she, "and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page151" id="page151"></a>[pg 151]</span> +attend to the +supper—but what will become of the children? These soldiers may perhaps +be intoxicated, and might set fire to the house."</p> + +<p>"They must be sent away," replied my father; "How long will it be before +the British get here?" he continued.</p> + +<p>"About two hours I should think," was John's reply; "and this being the +first farmhouse they pass, they will probably stop here."</p> + +<p>"Statia," said my father, turning to me, "it is my wish that you take +your brothers and go as quickly as possible to your Uncle Ben's, where +you will be out of danger. I must send you <i>alone</i>, my child, for I can +spare no one to accompany you. But it is not a dark night, and you are +well acquainted with the road. I see no other alternative."</p> + +<p>I trembled in every limb, but I had been brought up with the greatest +deference for my parents' wishes, and should not have dared to dispute +my father's command, even had he told me to do a much harder thing. The +children began to cry, for they were afraid of being murdered on the +road; but my mother succeeded in soothing them; and well bundled +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page152" id="page152"></a>[pg 152]</span> +up, we +received a kiss and blessing from our parents, and started on our dreary +journey. Here was I quite alone, except my two little brothers, who +clung to me as we went along, and cried with terror, with three long +miles before me, and the wind blowing around us with such fury that we +could scarcely keep our feet. My younger brother now complained of the +cold; and resolved to protect them at whatever cost to myself, I took +off my cloak and wrapped it about him. I had only a shawl left; and +wrapping my arms in its thin folds, while the children grasped my skirt, +we proceeded slowly along. It was fortunate for us that the moon shone +brightly, for, even as it was, I was puzzled about the way. But at +length we reached the well-known house, and surprised enough were they +to see us; but when we told them the reason, my uncle immediately +started for my father's house, to render any assistance that might be +required. The night passed, however, without the expected invasion; the +British proceeded in another direction, and our cold, lonely walk might +have been dispensed with. But my +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page153" id="page153"></a>[pg 153]</span> +father called me his brave little +girl, and said that in future he could always trust me—while my mother +pressed us silently to her bosom, and as she kissed us, I felt the warm +tears falling on my face. She too had had her trial on that fearful +night."</p> + +<p>I felt very thankful that my parents had never required such a +disagreeable proof of obedience; for, not possessing the firm principle +of right which characterized Cousin Statia, even as a child, I should +have been very much disposed to resist their authority.</p> + +<p>"Well," said Aunt Henshaw, "that is a story of which Statia may well be +proud, but her telling it has just put me in mind of something else. I +once had a large jar of sour milk standing before the fire, which I was +going to make into cottage-cheese, when one of the servants came +running, in breathless haste, with the news that three British soldiers +were approaching the house. Plunder was generally the object of such +stragglers, and there was quite a large sum of gold lying in a bureau +drawer, which I felt very unwilling to part with. My husband was from +home, so +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page154" id="page154"></a>[pg 154]</span> +seizing the money, I quietly dropped it all in the jar of +milk. I had just finished this exploit when the soldiers entered; and +after eating in a manner that made the children fear they would next be +precipitated down their capacious throats, they began to look about for +plunder. I tried to be as composed as possible, and this, I think, kept +them a little in awe; for they were perfectly civil in words, and did no +damage, except to turn things topsy turvy. They found nothing to suit +them, till spying a very good coat of Mr. Henshaw's, one of them coolly +encased himself in it and they all walked off together." I watched them +from the window, and perceiving that they had left the gate open, I +called out after them: "Be kind enough to shut the gate, will you? I am +afraid the pigs will get in." They stopped a moment, smiled, and then +did as I requested. "Ah, Amy," said my aunt in conclusion, "the +necessity of the times was a school that taught women far more of the +realities of life than they learn now-a-days."</p> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw fell into a long revery; and a pair of eyes, which had been +glimmering +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page155" id="page155"></a>[pg 155]</span> +near the door for some time, suddenly disappeared, and I +heard the retreating footsteps of Holly as she took her way to the +kitchen. The little colored girl always kept her eyes and ears open, and +never lost an opportunity to gain knowledge of any description. A great +deal which she had stealthily learned was communicated to me during my +stay; and I am sorry to say that I was more hurt than benefitted by the +companionship. Aunt Henshaw, though kind, did not appear to me in the +light of a playmate, and Cousin Statia seldom opened her lips—being too +industrious to waste time in talking; so that, for want of more suitable +company, I descended to the kitchen.</p> + +<p>The next morning, having obtained Aunt Henshaw's permission, I went out +to feed the chickens; and having drawn them near the wood-pile, I +confined my favors almost exclusively to a sober-looking hen and five +little chickens. When the pan was empty, I conceived that I had well +earned the right, and putting my hand down softly, I took up a cunning +little thing and hugged it in delight. But +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page156" id="page156"></a>[pg 156]</span> +a terrible flapping of wings +sounded close to my ears—I could scarcely distinguish any thing—and +dropping the chicken, I fell across the chopping-log. The old hen rushed +furiously at me, and kept beating me with her wings; while I, afraid +that my eyes would be pecked out, could do nothing but scream. Some one, +at length, picked me up; and when I ventured to look around, I beheld +Sylvia, who stood beside me, laughing immoderately. Holly soon joined +the company, and even Cousin Statia seemed amused; while Aunt Henshaw +carefully examined my eyes to see that they had sustained no injury.</p> + +<p>"I ought to have told you not to touch the chickens," said the old lady; +"for the hen would even sacrifice her life to protect them."</p> + +<p>But experience is the best teacher, after all—the lessons thus gained, +though more disagreeable, are seldom forgotten; and I never again +meddled with the chickens.</p> + +<p>This seemed destined, though, to be a day of misfortunes, to which the +chicken business was but a slight commencement. The evening was most +lovely, and I accompanied +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page157" id="page157"></a>[pg 157]</span> +Holly, who bad gone to feed the pigs. A fence +separated the pen from the rest of the yard; and on this fence it was +Holly's usual practice to perch herself and watch the motions of her +charges. She looked so comfortable that I determined to follow her +example; and having gained the eminence, I looked around in triumph. But +oh, how sad to tell! but a few moments elapsed ere I found myself +floundering in the mire beneath; while the pigs all rushed towards me as +though I had been thrown there for them to make a supper of. Holly was +quite convulsed with laughter; but my screams now became terrific; and +calling Sylvia, the two extricated me from my unpleasant predicament.</p> + +<p>I was truly a pitiable object, but my white dress was the greatest +sufferer: while the tears that rolled down my cheeks grew blacker and +blacker as they descended. I almost wished myself home again; but +Sylvia, between her paroxyms of laughter, told me "not to cry, and they +would soon make me look as good as new—any how, missus musn't see me in +such a pickle." They fell to scraping and scouring +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page158" id="page158"></a>[pg 158]</span> +with the greatest +zeal, and then placed me before the kitchen fire to dry.</p> + +<p>"How the pigs did run!" said Holly; "'spect, Miss Amy, they mistook you +for a little broder!"</p> + +<p>At this sally Sylvia laughed louder than ever; but perceiving my +distress, she observed, in a kind tone: "Never mind, Miss Amy, we can't +help laughing, you know—and you'll laugh too, when you git out of this +here mess. But we do really feel sorry for you, for you look reel awful; +I only hope old missus won't come in and ketch you."</p> + +<p>But in a few moments the kind face of Aunt Henshaw looked into the scene +of distress which the kitchen had now become, and surprise at my +appearance rendered her almost speechless. But she soon recovered +herself; and under her direction I was immersed in a tub of water, while +my unfortunate clothes were consigned to the same fate. After this +ceremony I was advised to go to bed; and thither I accordingly repaired, +thinking how forlorn it was to fall into the pig-pen on such a beautiful +evening.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page159" id="page159"></a>[pg 159]</span> + +<p>The whole household seemed disposed to bear in mind that unfortunate +occurrence; when about to fall into mischief, Aunt Henshaw would say in +a peculiar tone: "Remember the pig-pen, Amy!" or, when troubling Sylvia, +it would be; "I guess you learned that in the pig-pen, Miss Amy;" and +even Holly took up the burden of the song, till I heartily wished that +she had taken the plunge instead of myself. Before long they all +discovered that I was very prone to such scrapes; I dropped a very nice +hat down the well, which, for fear of its spoiling the water, they spent +a great deal of time in fishing up—I fell from the mow, but fortunately +sustained no injury; and Sylvia one day caught me skimming off the +cream—an amusement which I considered very innocent, but she speedily +undeceived me.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page160" id="page160"></a>[pg 160]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_XII"></a><h2>CHAPTER XII.</h2> + +<p>Two or three weeks passed on very pleasantly, and I began to think it +time to write a letter home. I had made but little progress in the art, +and letter-writing always appeared to me a great undertaking; but Aunt +Henshaw, having one afternoon provided me with pen, ink, and paper, and +elevated me nicely with the large Bible and my "Pilgrim's Progress," I +sat biting the end of my quill, and pondering over some form of +commencement. I had already written "dear mother" at the top; at length +I added after considerable reflection:</p> + +<p>"I am well, and hope that you are the same. It is very pleasant here. No +more at present from</p> + +<p>Your affectionate Daughter,</p> + +<p>AMY."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page161" id="page161"></a>[pg 161]</span> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw pronounced this "very well—what was of it;" and Cousin +Statia smiled, though I could not well why; but her smiles were so few +and far between that they always set me a wondering. The letter was +sealed, however, and enclosed in a larger one of Aunt Henshaw's, who +probably gave a more detailed account of matters and things than I had +given.</p> + +<p>In the meantime, I was fast regaining the blooming, hoyden appearance +most natural to me; and Aunt Henshaw continued to write glowing accounts +of my improvement. In due time my scrawl was answered by a most +affectionate letter from mamma, to which was added a postscript by my +father; and I began to rise wonderfully in my own estimation, in +consequence of having letters addressed entirely to myself. I even +undertook to correct Sylvia for speaking ungrammatically, which made her +very angry; and she took occasion to observe, that she had not lived so +long in the world to be taught grammar by young ladies who fell into +pig-pens. One great source of amusement at Henshaw's, was to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page162" id="page162"></a>[pg 162]</span> +watch +Sylvia making cheeses. Sometimes she allowed me to make small ones, +which I pressed with geranium leaves; but one day, being a little out of +humor, she refused to let me have the rennet unless I could find it.—I +searched through the kitchen and everywhere for it, and spent the whole +morning in looking, till I almost despaired of finding it; but at length +I pushed aside a tub, and there it was. This was one of Sylvia's +peculiarities. She was an excellent servant, and having been a long time +in the family, Aunt Henshaw allowed her to have pretty much her own way. +Sylvia was not wanting in sense, and often, when the old lady thought +she had obtained the better of the dispute, she was, in reality, +yielding to the sagacity of the colored woman. Holly was a sort of +satellite, and evidently quite in awe of her superior; but Sylvia +regarded her as the very quintescence of laziness, and always delighted +to set her at some interminable job. It was much more to Holly's taste +to look after the cows and pigs, and wander about the premises, than to +wash dishes and peel +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page163" id="page163"></a>[pg 163]</span> +potatoes; but she dared not resist the cook's authority.</p> + +<p>One Sunday morning I was left at home, in consequence of not being well, +with strict injunctions not to get into mischief; while Aunt Henshaw, +Cousin Statia, and Sylvia went to church—the superintendence of the +house being placed in Holly's charge. I settled myself by the parlor +window with my "Pilgrim's Progress" and pursued the thread of +Christian's adventures; while I glanced from time to time on the +prospect without, while the hum of the locusts and lowing of the cows +came borne upon my ear like pleasant sounds. I laid down my book to read +a chapter in the Bible, and was enjoying a very pleasant frame of mind +when the tempter came, in the shape of Holly, and beckoned me into the +kitchen.</p> + +<p>Nothing loath, I followed eagerly; and the colored girl proposed that we +should have a small baking. The fire had been carefully put out in the +kitchen, and we concluded to make one on bricks in the yard. After +puffing and blowing with considerable energy, Holly +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page164" id="page164"></a>[pg 164]</span> +kindled a flame; +and we then concluded to mix up some gingerbread, and bake it in +clam-shells As I heard the monotonous hum of the bees, and remarked the +stillness around, while everything seemed to speak of the Sabbath, my +conscience reproached me; and I was several times on the point of +turning back into the parlor, but I lacked sufficient courage to resist +Holly's glowing descriptions of our gingerbread that was to be. The +store-room closet was pretty dark, and Holly was obliged to go by +guess-work in selecting her materials, but all seemed right; and in +triumph we placed several clam-shells of dough on the fire to bake. We +worked very hard to keep up the flames, but the baking progressed +slowly; and we dreaded to hear the sound of wheels that announced the +return of the church-goers. It was done at last, and we sat down to +enjoy the feast. I broke off a piece, and put it in my mouth, expecting +to find a delicious morsel, but it had a very queer taste; and I saw +that Holly was surveying it with an appearance of the greatest +curiosity.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page165" id="page165"></a>[pg 165]</span> + +<p>"What is the matter?" said I, "What have you done to it, Holly?"</p> + +<p>"Well, I guess I've put in lime instead of flour," she replied.</p> + +<p>It was but too true; and just then we heard the sound of wheels, and a +vigorous lifting of the great brass knocker. Holly hurriedly cleared +away all signs of our employment, and then opened the door; while I +returned to my books, convinced that the poorest time to make +gingerbread was on Sunday, and in the dark. But Aunt Henshaw discovered +our proceedings through Sylvia, who complained that some one had dropped +molasses in the lime; which she soon traced to Holly, and I was never +left home again on Sunday, alone.</p> + +<p>"Once," said Aunt Henshaw, when I had, as usual, solicited a story, +"there was a report that the British were about to sack New London. The +city was a scene of hurry and confusion. Carriages were driving hither +and thither, laden with silver plate and other valuables, which the +owners were glad to place in the hands of any respectable-looking +stranger +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page166" id="page166"></a>[pg 166]</span> +they met, for safe-keeping. Several pieces were placed in our +carriage; among others a handsome silver tankard and half-a-dozen +goblets, which were never reclaimed. I have always kept them to this +day."</p> + +<p>She showed me these articles, which were extremely rich and massive, and +the old lady always kept them carefully locked in a capacious +side-board; never taking them out except to look at.</p> + +<p>"Aunt Henshaw, did you ever see a lord?" I inquired.</p> + +<p>"Plenty of them," was her reply, "lords were as thick as blackberries +during the Revolution."</p> + +<p>"How did they look?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Very much like other people—and often pretty distressed."</p> + +<p>I was then surprised at this information, but I have since learned +better; for I have seen the House of Lords in England, and they are, for +the most part, a common, uninteresting-looking assembly.</p> + +<p>"There was a Lord Spencer," continued my aunt, "a very wild young man, +who was +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page167" id="page167"></a>[pg 167]</span> +constantly committing some prank or other—though always +strictly honorable in repairing any damages he occasioned. He once, for +mere sport, shot a fine colt, belonging to an old farmer, as he was +quietly grazing in the field. Even his companions remonstrated with him, +and endeavored to prevent the mischief; but he laid them a wager that he +should not only escape punishment, but that he would even make the old +farmer perfectly satisfied with his conduct. They accepted his bet, and +anxious to see how he would extricate himself, they accompanied him to +the residence of the old farmer.</p> + +<p>"That is a very fine colt of yours," began the young lord, "I should +like to purchase him."</p> + +<p>"He is not for sale," replied the farmer, shortly.</p> + +<p>"I suppose not," rejoined the visitor. "But what would you value him at +in case any accident happened to him through the carelessness of others? +What sum would pay you for it?"</p> + +<p>"A hundred dollars would cover his value," said the farmer, after some +consideration, "but +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page168" id="page168"></a>[pg 168]</span> +has any thing happened to him, that you ask these +questions?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," replied the lord, "I have unfortunately shot him—and here is two +hundred dollars as an equivalent."</p> + +<p>Lord Spencer won his wager, for the farmer had made at least a hundred +dollars, and being extremely fond of money, he could not regret the loss +of his colt. "This is a specimen, Amy, of what lords are; so do not go to +forming any exalted notions of them, as of a superior race of beings. It +was very cruel in Lord Spencer to shoot the poor animal—but it was +honorable in him to make up the farmer's loss, for it doubled the amount +of wages he gained; yet to sum up the proceeding, it was wrong—for +besides killing an inoffensive animal, it did not belong to him."</p> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw seldom failed to point out the right and wrong in her +stories, for she feared that I would be carried away with whatever was +most dazzling, and thus form erroneous impressions. It is an excellent +maxim that "people should be just before they are generous;" and did all +bear this in mind while +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page169" id="page169"></a>[pg 169]</span> +admiring actions that often dazzle with a false +glitter, they would assume a totally different appearance.</p> + +<p>Every few days there was an inundation of different cousins who lived +but a few miles distant; and then there was so much shaking of great +rough hands, as I was presented—so many comments on my appearance, and +comparison of each separate feature with each of my parents—that I grew +almost afraid to look up under the many eyes that were bent upon me to +detect resemblances to the Henshaws, Chesburys, or Farringtons—which +last was my mother's maiden name. I became quite tired of telling people +when I arrived, how long I intended to stay, and how many brothers and +sisters I had. They were all very kind, though, and invited me so +politely to come and see them that I quite wanted to go; and Aunt +Henshaw promised to return their visits very soon, and bring me with +her.</p> + +<p>So one fine day we set forth on a visit to Cousin Ben's—a son of the +identical Uncle Ben to whose house Cousin Statia walked with her two +little brothers, on that cold November +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page170" id="page170"></a>[pg 170]</span> +night. She pointed out the road +as we passed, showed me the very place where she had wrapped her own +cloak around her brother, the spot where they stopped to rub their hands +warm, and a cross-road which they came very near taking. The house was +plain, but pleasantly situated; and as we drove up to the door, Cousin +Ben, his wife, and two or three children about my own age, came out to +meet us. There was very little reserve among these country cousins; and +before long, I was on as good terms with my play-mates as though I had +known them all my life. We raced out into the fields, and feasted on +sugar-pears, which were then just ripe; and I found, to my surprise, +that my female cousins were quite as expert at climbing trees as the +boys. I began to feel deficient in accomplishments; but I was not +sufficiently a hoyden to follow their example, and could only perform +the part of an admiring spectator.</p> + +<p>A very quiet-looking old horse was grazing near by, and my cousins +proposed that we should have a ride. I surveyed the great tall animal +with dismay, and was frightened at +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page171" id="page171"></a>[pg 171]</span> +the idea of being perched on his +back; but the boys lifted me up, and five of us were soon mounted, ready +for a start. It was our intention to proceed in this triumphant manner +to the woods to gather berries; but our proposed conductor evidently +disapproved the projected excursion, for, with a sudden kick-up behind, +he sent us all five rolling on the grass. My white frock was the +sufferer as usual; and scarcely any evil that has befallen me since, +ever affected me more than would the dreaded spot that always appeared +in the most conspicuous place whenever I was dressed up. It was always +the herald of speedy disgrace, either in the shape of being sent +supperless to bed, or deprived of going out next day. Mammy was +particularly severe on such occasions; it was provoking to be sure, +after taking the pains to dress me nicely, to find all her work spoiled +within the next fifteen minutes; but I did think it was not my fault, +and wondered how it always happened. My new companions could not +understand my distress in consequence of this accident; and with +trembling steps I went in to Aunt Henshaw, expecting to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page172" id="page172"></a>[pg 172]</span> +be kept by her +side for the rest of the day, and never brought out again.</p> + +<p>What was my surprise when, after examining the spot, she said, in a tone +which sounded like music in my ears: "Well child, you couldn't help it, +and it is well you were not hurt. After all, white dresses are poor +things for children to play in, and this is only fit for the wash-tub +now. But this is not quite so bad as the pig-pen—eh, Amy?"</p> + +<p>The color mounted quickly into my face at these last words, and gladly +obeying her injunction to "go, play now," I bounded from the room; while +Aunt Henshaw, I suppose, enlightened the company as to the meaning of +her question, and my evident confusion. Oh, if people did but know the +effect of kind words, especially when harshness is expected! I never +enjoyed romping so much in all my life as on that afternoon; Aunt +Henshaw had pronounced my dress "fit only for the wash-tub," and I +thought that before it proceeded thither, it might just as well be a +little more soiled as not. So we rolled about on the grass, climbed over +fences, and rambled through the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page173" id="page173"></a>[pg 173]</span> +woods without fear or restraint. With a +light and happy heart I set out on the journey home, congratulating +myself that I was not then to encounter the eagle eyes of Mammy.</p> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw, though perfectly willing that I should enjoy myself at +play, did not approve of my spending my whole time in idleness; and +under her superintendence, I felt more disposed to work than I ever had +before. With her assistance I completed several articles of dress for a +sister of Sylvia's, who was very poor, and lived in a sort of hovel near +by; and the indefatigable Holly having again discovered the kittens in +some equally out-of-the-way place, I at last, with a great deal of +difficulty, succeeded in manufacturing a warm suit of clothes for the +winter wear of the prettiest one. Having equipped the kitten in its new +habiliments, I carried it to Aunt Henshaw, as quite a triumph of art; +but when I made my appearance, with the two little ears poking out of +the bonnet, and the tail quite visible through a hole in the skirt which +I had cut for it, Cousin Statia actually indulged in a hearty fit of +laughter, while Aunt Henshaw appeared even +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page174" id="page174"></a>[pg 174]</span> +more amused. She told me +that nature had furnished it with a covering quite sufficient to protect +it from the cold; but I thought that it must then be a great deal too +warm in summer, and had just commenced fanning it, when she explained to +me that the fur was a great deal thinner in summer than in winter. This +satisfied me; and releasing the astonished kitten from its numerous +wrappers, I presented them to Holly, and gave up all idea of furnishing +it with a wardrobe.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page175" id="page175"></a>[pg 175]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_XIII"></a><h2>CHAPTER XIII.</h2> +<br></br> + +<p>At Aunt Henshaw's, my passion for rummaging drawers and boxes of +knickknacks was abundantly gratified. The old lady fairly over-flowed +with the milk of human kindness, and allowed me to put her things in +disorder as often as I chose. There was an album quilt, among her +possessions, which I never grew tired of admiring. The pieces were all +of an octagon shape, arranged in little circles of different colors; and +in the centre of each circle was a piece of white muslin, on which was +written in tiny characters the name of the person who had made the +circle, and two lines of poetry. This album quilt was a good many years +old; and had been made by the ladies of the neighborhood, as a tribute +of respect to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page176" id="page176"></a>[pg 176]</span> +Aunt Henshaw, on account of her many acts of bravery and +presence of mind during the trying times of the Revolution.</p> + +<p>The old lady was never weary of describing the grand quilting, which +took place in an old stone barn on the premises; when they all came at +one o'clock, and sitting down to work, scarcely spoke a word until six, +when the quilt was triumphantly pronounced to be completed; and taking +it from the frame, they proceeded to arrange a large table, set out with +strawberries and cream, dough-nuts, chickens, cider, and almost every +incongruous eatable that could be mentioned. Washington was then +President, and after drinking his health in cider, coffee, and tea, +which last was then a very precious commodity, being served in cups +exactly the size of a doll's set, they all in turn related stories or +personal anecdotes of the great General, of whom Aunt Henshaw never +spoke without the greatest reverence and enthusiasm. He died when I was +very young, so that I never saw him; but I have visited his tomb, and +his residence at Mount Vernon, and have also seen portraits of him that +were +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page177" id="page177"></a>[pg 177]</span> +pronounced to be life-like by those who were intimately acquainted +with him.</p> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw had actually entertained La Fayette at her house for a +whole night, and she showed me the very room he slept in; while Cousin +Statia produced an album in which he had written his name. I always +experienced a burning desire to possess some memento of the +distinguished men whose names are woven in the annals of our country; +and seating myself at the table with the album before me, I spent +several hours in trying to copy the illustrious autograph. But all my +efforts were vain; I could produce nothing like it, and was obliged to +return the book to its favored owner.</p> + +<p>I delighted to spell out the album quilt until I knew almost every line +by heart; while the curious medley which these different scraps of +poetry presented reminded me very much of a play, in which one person +repeats a line, to which another must find a rhyme. When Aunt Henshaw +died, which was just about the time that I was grown up, she left the +quilt to me in her will; because, as she said. I had +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page178" id="page178"></a>[pg 178]</span> +always been so +fond of it. I still have it carefully packed away, and regard it as +quite a treasure.</p> + +<p>But very often, during a voyage of discoveries through rooms that were +seldom used, I passed various boxes, and awkward-looking little trunks, +and curious baskets, that struck me as being particularly interesting in +appearance. But Aunt Henshaw always said: "Those are Statia's—we must +not touch them," and passed quickly on, without in the least indulging +my excited curiosity. Whether Cousin Statia kept wild animals, or +mysterious treasures, or old clothes, in all these places, I was unable +to conclude; but I determined to find out if possible. Having one day +accompanied her upstairs, she proceeded to unlock a large trunk which I +had always regarded with longing eyes; and opening them very wide, that +I might take in as much as possible in a hasty survey, what was my +disappointment to see her take out a couple of linen pillow-cases, +nicely ruffled, while at least a dozen or two more remained, together +with a corresponding number of sheets, table-cloths, napkins, etc.! All +of home-made +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page179" id="page179"></a>[pg 179]</span> +manufacture, and seeming to my youthful ideas enough to +last a life-time. What could Cousin Statia possibly do with all these +things? Or what had she put them there for? I knew that Aunt Henshaw +possessed inexhaustible stores, and I could not imagine why Cousin +Statia found it necessary to have her's separate. I pondered the matter +over for two or three days, and then concluded to apply to Holly for +information on the desired point.</p> + +<p>"Why, lor bless you!" said the colored girl in a mysterious manner, +"Didn't you know that Miss Statia has been crossed in love?"</p> + +<p>Holly announced this fact as a sufficiently explanatory one; but I could +not comprehend what connection there was between being crossed in love, +and a large trunk of bran new things.</p> + +<p>"Why, I quite pities your ignorance, Miss Amy! In old times," continued +my informant, as though dwelling on her own particular virtue in this +respect, "in old times people didn't used to be half so lazy as they am +now-a-days, and thought nothing at all of sewing +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page180" id="page180"></a>[pg 180]</span> +their fingers to the +bone, or spinning their nails off, or knittin' forever; and when gals +growed up, and had any thoughts of gittin' married, they set to work and +made hull trunks full of things, and people used to call them spinsters. +Now Miss Statia has been fillin' trunks and baskets ever sense she could +do anything, so that she's got a pretty likely stock—but no one ever +came along this way but what was married already, and that's the meanin' +of bein' crossed in love. But don't for your life go to tellin' +nobody—they'd most chop my head off, if it should come out."</p> + +<p>I asked Holly how she had ascertained the fact; "Oh," she replied, +knowingly, "there ain't much that escapes me. I know pretty much every +article in this house, and hear whatever's goin' on. Key-holes is a +great convenience; and though it ain't very pleasant to be squatin' in +cold entries, and fallin' in the room sometimes, when people open the +door without no warnin', yet I'm often there when they think I'm safe in +the kitchin. Miss Statia once boxed my ears and sent me to bed, when she +happened to ketch me listinin'; but +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page181" id="page181"></a>[pg 181]</span> +it didn't smart much, and people +can't 'spect to gather roses without thistles."</p> + +<p>Holly often interspersed her conversation with various quotations and +wise reflections; but the idea of listening at key-holes quite shocked +my sense of honor, and I endeavored to remonstrate with her upon the +practice.</p> + +<p>"It won't do for you to talk so, Miss Amy," was her sagacious reply; +"you mus'n't quarrel with the ship that carries you safe over. If I had +not listened at key-holes, you'd never have known what was in them +trunks."</p> + +<p>The truth of this remark was quite manifest; and concluding that I was +not exactly suited to the character of admonisher, I never renewed the +attempt.</p> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw had boxes of old letters which she estimated among her +greatest valuables; and sometimes, when the sun was shining brightly +without, and the soft air of summer waving the trees gently to and fro, +the old lady would invite me in a mysterious manner to her room, and +drawing forth an almost endless package, open letter after letter, and +read to me the correspondence of people whom I cared nothing +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page182" id="page182"></a>[pg 182]</span> +about. I +tried very hard to suppress all signs of yawning, for I wanted to be out +at play; but I must have been ungrateful not to exercise a little +patience with one so kind and affectionate, and she, dear old soul! +evidently considered it the greatest treat she could offer me. I became +in this manner acquainted with the whole history of her courtship; and +charmed with so quiet a listener, she would read to me till I fairly +fell asleep. But her thoughts being entirely occupied with the past, and +her eyes in endeavoring to decipher the faded hand-writing, this +inattention passed unobserved; and she pursued her reading until called +off by her daily duties.</p> + +<p>Dear old lady! how often have I watched her when she was asleep, as with +the neat white frill of her cap partially shading her face, she sat in +the large chair with her hands folded together, and her spectacles lying +on the book in her lap. She looked so pure and calm that I sometimes +felt afraid that she might be dead, like old people I had heard of who +died quietly in their sleep; but I could not bear the idea, and a +feeling of inexpressible relief would come +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page183" id="page183"></a>[pg 183]</span> +over me when I beheld the +lids slowly rise again from the mild eyes that were ever bent lovingly +upon me.</p> + +<p>She bad a box piled with rolls of manuscript containing poetry, which +she told me she had taken great pleasure in composing. "Saturday +nights," said she, "when everything was in order, and, the next day +being Sunday, I had no household cares to think of, I would amuse myself +in composing verses that were seldom shown to any one. Mr. Henshaw was a +most excellent man and a kind husband, but he had no taste for poetry, +and considered it a great waste of time. Another thing that helped to +set him against it was an unfortunate poem that I composed on the event +of a marriage that took place in the neighborhood. The gentleman had +courted the lady for a number of years without success; and after +praising his constancy, I dwelt on the beauteous Eliza's charms, and +said something about winning the goal at last. But they were very much +offended; they supposed that I was ridiculing them, and said that I had +represented them as doing a great many foolish things which they had +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page184" id="page184"></a>[pg 184]</span> +never thought of. There was no use in attempting to pacify them—I had +thrown away my poetry where it was not appreciated; and Mr. Henshaw +exclaimed in a tone of annoyance: 'Now do, I beg of you, never let me +see you again at the writing-desk! You have done as much mischief with +your pen as other women accomplish with their tongues.' So I never sent +poetry again to other people; but whenever I felt lonely, I sat down and +wrote, and it has really been a great comfort to me. One of these days, +Amy, I shall give this all to you."</p> + +<p>When I returned home, the poetry was carefully laid in the bottom of my +trunk; but I have my suspicions that for sometime after Jane kindled the +nursery fire with it. While looking over her things one day. Aunt +Henshaw showed me an old-fashioned pair of ear-rings, which I admired +very much.</p> + +<p>"I intended to give these to you, Amy," said she, "but I see that your +ears have not been pierced."</p> + +<p>"Why, I thought those holes always grew in people's ears!" said I, in +surprise. "Have I none in mine?"</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page185" id="page185"></a>[pg 185]</span> + +<p>"No," she replied, "they are always made with a needle, or some sharp +instrument."</p> + +<p>"Does it hurt?" I inquired.</p> + +<p>"Not much," was her reply, and so the subject dropped, but I still +pursued it in thought.</p> + +<p>I fancied myself decked with the ear-rings, and the pleasure I should +experience in showing them to Mammy and Jane; but then on the other +hand, the idea of the needle was anything but agreeable, for I could not +bear the least pain. I wavered for sometime between the advantages and +disadvantages of the operation. This state of mind led me to notice +people's ears much more than I had formerly done; and perceiving that +Sylvia's were adorned with a pair of large gold hoops, I applied to her +for advice.</p> + +<p>"Why, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, in surprise, "you are real shaller, if +you don't have your ears bored after that! Why, I'd made a hole in my +nose in half a minit, if somebody'd only give me a gold ring to put +through it!"</p> + +<p>"Who bored <i>your</i> ears, Sylvia?" said I at length.</p> + +<p>"Why, I did it myself, to be sure. Any +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page186" id="page186"></a>[pg 186]</span> +body can do that—jest take a +needle and thread and draw it right through."</p> + +<p>I shuddered involuntarily; but just then Sylvia moved her head a little, +and the rings shook and glittered so fascinatingly that I resolved to +become a martyr to the cause of vanity. The colored woman having agreed +to perform the office, and Aunt Henshaw and Statia being out for the +afternoon, I seated myself on a chair with my back against the dresser; +while Sylvia mounted the few steps that led to her sleeping-room in +order to search for a needle, and Holly endeavored to keep up my courage +by representing the fascinating appearance I should present when +decorated with ear-rings.</p> + +<p>Sylvia soon came down, with needle, and thread, and cork; while I began +to tremble and turn pale on perceiving the instruments of torture. I had +quite forgotten how disagreeable needles felt in the flesh; and Sylvia's +first attempt was brought to a sudden end by a loud scream, which would +certainly have roused the neighbors had there been any near.</p> + +<p>"Now, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, "I had your ear almost bored then. But +if you're +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page187" id="page187"></a>[pg 187]</span> +going to cut up such didos I shall leave off directly—it +ain't no such great fun for me."</p> + +<p>She was going up stairs with a very resolute air, and again the +ear-rings flashed and glittered; and having by this time lost the acute +sense of pain, I called her back and begged her to proceed.</p> + +<p>"Now mind," said she, "if you holler again, I'll jest stop at once."</p> + +<p>I glued my lips firmly together, while she again adjusted the cork and +needle; but I could hardly bear it, and trembled like an aspen leaf. One +ear was soon pierced, while I felt the needle in every part of my frame; +and Sylvia was proceeding to do the other, but I jumped up suddenly, +exclaiming: "Oh Sylvia! I cannot have the other one bored! It will kill +me!"</p> + +<p>"Well, I wouldn't if I was you, Miss Amy," said she, "cos you can hang +both rings in one ear, you know—and that'll look real beautiful, won't +it, Holly?"</p> + +<p>Holly burst into a loud fit of laughter, and through the effects of +ridicule, I submitted a second time to the infliction. But it was +impossible to endure the suffering any longer; the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page188" id="page188"></a>[pg 188]</span> +color gradually +faded from my face, and just as Sylvia concluded, she found that I had +fainted. The two were very much frightened, and after almost drowning me +with water, they lifted me up and carried me to my own bed. Aunt Henshaw +soon came home, and her horror at my situation was only equalled by her +astonishment. Sylvia did not tell her the cause of my sudden illness; +but she soon discovered it by a glance at my ears which were much +inflamed and swollen, having been pierced in a very bungling manner. +Sylvia received such a severe reprimand that she was almost angry enough +to leave on the spot; but she had only erred through ignorance, and I +succeeded at length in reconciling her mistress.</p> + +<p>"But, my dear Amy," said the kind old lady, as she sat down beside me, +"Why is it that you are always getting into some trouble if left to +yourself for ever so short a time? You cannot tell the pain it gives me. +Why, an account of your various scrapes since you have been here would +almost fill a book."</p> + +<p>What could I reply? It was a natural and most unfortunate propensity +which displayed +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page189" id="page189"></a>[pg 189]</span> +itself everywhere; as well with Mammy in the precincts +of the nursery, as when roaming about at Aunt Henshaw's.</p> + +<p>"But the ear-rings?" said I. "You will give them to me now, will you +not? I should <i>so</i> much like to have them!"</p> + +<p>"And so you shall have them, dear," replied Aunt Henshaw. "It would he +cruel to refuse them after your suffering so much for them. But I never +would have mentioned them had I had any idea of such an unfortunate +result."</p> + +<p>Supposing that it would please me, she got them out of the case and laid +them beside me. They were very pretty, to be sure, but oh! how much +suffering those ear-rings caused me! My poor ears were very sore for a +long time, and I would sit for hours leaning my head on a pillow, in +hopes of easing the pain. And yet, when they were at last well, and the +ear-rings really in, I almost forgot what I had suffered in the delight +I experienced at my supposed transformation. They were the admiration of +the kitchen; and even Aunt Henshaw and Cousin Statia allowed that +ear-rings were a great improvement; and I began to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page190" id="page190"></a>[pg 190]</span> +think that on my +return home they would even throw Ellen Tracy's curls into the shade.</p> + +<p>The summer was passing away—harvest had come and gone; and while the +others were engaged during this busy season, I was to be seen perched on +every load of hay, from which I had of course two or three tumbles, but +always on some pile beneath. The kittens had grown large and awkward, +and consequently lost my favor; while the cat no longer put herself to +the trouble of hiding them, so that I could now have them whenever I +chose—coming like most other privileges when no longer desired. The +evenings were getting chilly, so that a fire was very acceptable; and I +loved to sit by the bright flame before the candles were brought in, and +listen to Aunt Henshaw's stories.</p> + +<p>"Now," said I one evening when we had all comfortably arranged ourselves +to spend the twilight in doing nothing, "do tell me a very interesting +story, Aunt Henshaw—for you know that I am going home soon, and perhaps +it is the last that I shall hear."</p> + +<p>"Well," said she with a smile, "if it is to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page191" id="page191"></a>[pg 191]</span> +be so very interesting, I +must think very hard first."</p> + +<p>Cousin Statia had been looking towards the door, when she suddenly +inquired: "Did you ever tell her about the bullet hole?"</p> + +<p>"Why, no," replied the old lady, "I do not believe I ever did. Have you +noticed the round hole in the front door, Amy?"</p> + +<p>I replied in the negative; and taking me into the hall, she led the way +to the front door which opened in two parts, and in the upper half I +distinctly perceived a bullet hole which had been made by the British; +and it was the story attached to this very hole which she was about to +tell me.</p> + +<p>"Well, one night," said she, "a long while ago, I sat by the fire with +the baby in my arms, while the other children were playing around. The +two women servants were in the kitchen, and Mr. Henshaw had taken the +men several miles off, on some business relating to the farm. It was +just about this time, before the candles were lit; and one of the women +came in to tell me that five British soldiers were approaching the +house.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page192" id="page192"></a>[pg 192]</span> + +<p>"Fasten all the doors then," said I, "and let no one enter unless I +give you permission."</p> + +<p>The doors were well fastened up, and before long I heard them knocking +with the ends of their muskets. I let them knock for some time; but at +length I raised an upper window, and asked them what they wanted.</p> + +<p>"We want some supper," they replied, "and will probably stay all night."</p> + +<p>"It is not in my power to accommodate you." I replied, as coolly as +possible, "nor do I feel willing to admit any visitors in the absence of +my husband."</p> + +<p>"If you do not admit us soon we will break the door down!" they +exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Of that I am not much afraid," said I; "it is too well secured."</p> + +<p>I withdrew from the window, and for half an hour they tried various +means of effecting an entrance, but it was impossible. I approached the +window again, and they called out: "If you do not have the door opened, +we shall certainly fire!"</p> + +<p>"Do so," I replied; "there is no one to injure by it except helpless +women and children."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page193" id="page193"></a>[pg 193]</span> + +<p>I did not suppose they would do it—I thought it was intended only for +a threat; and was therefore as much surprised as any of the others, when +a bullet came whizzing through the front door, and passing through a +pane of glass in an opposite window, fell into the yard. A dreadful +scream arose from the servants, and perhaps frightened for the effects, +or perceiving my husband and the men, they made a hasty retreat; and I +was just ready to sink from fright when Mr. Henshaw came in. He told me +never to stop up the bullet-hole, but to leave it to show what women +were made of in the Revolution.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page194" id="page194"></a>[pg 194]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_XIV"></a><h2>CHAPTER XIV.</h2> + +<p>Cousin Statia had completed her winter's knitting, Aunt Henshaw began to +make pumpkin pies, and the period of my visit was rapidly drawing to a +close. The letters from home grew more and more solicitous for my +return, and at last the day was fixed. I felt anxious to see them all +again, and yet rather sorry to lay aside my present state of freedom. I +had quite escaped from leading-strings, and found it very pleasant to +follow the bent of my inclination as I had done at Aunt Henshaw's; but +absence had banished all memory of the thorns I had sometimes +encountered in my career at home, and I thought only of the roses—the +idea of change being also a great inducement.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page195" id="page195"></a>[pg 195]</span> + +<p>Holly and I had passed whole afternoons in gathering hazel-nuts which +grew near a fence not far from the house; and having filled a very +respectable-sized bag with them, I felt quite impatient at the idea of +returning home well-laden with supplies, like any prudent housekeeper. +Aunt Henshaw was to accompany me, and selecting some of her choicest +produce, and an immense bunch of herbs, as antidotes for all the aches +and ills which human flesh is heir to, on a bright, glowing September +morning, we set forward on my homeward journey. "Blessings brighten as +they leave us;" and although I had been considered the torment of the +whole household, all regretted my departure, and begged me to come soon +again.</p> + +<p>"Now, Miss Amy," said Sylvia, as I was taking a long private farewell in +the kitchen, "jest take a piece of advice from an old colored woman what +has lived longer in the world than you have, and roasted chickens and +fried sassages ever sense she can remember. Buckwheat cakes is very +good, but to keep your own counsel is a heap better—so when you go home +don't you go to telling about that ere pig-pen +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page196" id="page196"></a>[pg 196]</span> +business, or the time +when the old hen flewed at you, or tumbling off the old horse. People +that don't say nothin' often gits credit for bein' quite sensible, and +p'raps you can deceive 'em too; for you'll be kind o' made a fuss with +when you fust get home, and if you don't let on about all these here +scrapes they'll think more of you."</p> + +<p>Sylvia's advice struck me as being very sensible, and I therefore +resolved to act upon it, and endeavor to make them consider me quite a +different character from the hoyden Amy. I kissed Cousin Statia, who +took up her sewing as calmly as though nothing of any importance was +about to occur; and having delighted Holly's eyes with a bright ribbon +in which all the colors of the rainbow seemed combined, I presented +Sylvia with a collar worked by myself, and passed out to the stage, +which was waiting for us. Our journey home was quite an uneventful one; +and the wind being more favorable, we were not so long on the passage.</p> + +<p>My parents were watching for us with anxious solicitude; but when the +door opened in bounded a wild, blooming hoyden, in whose +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page197" id="page197"></a>[pg 197]</span> +sparkling eyes +and glowing cheeks they could detect no trace of the delicate invalid. +Henry and Fred, with a troop of younger brothers, stood ready to devour +me with kisses; but Mammy, rushing impulsively forward, pushed them all +aside, and cried and laughed over me alternately, while she almost +crushed me with the violence of her affection. Before I was well seated, +Fred spied out the bag of hazel-nuts; and a vigorous sound of cracking +informed me that the work of devastation had already commenced.</p> + +<p>How they all stared at my ear-rings! But mamma turned pale and burst +into tears; while I stood still, feeling very uncomfortable, and yet not +being exactly aware of the manner in which I had displeased her. Aunt +Henshaw, however, with a minute accuracy that struck me as being +painfully correct, related every circumstance connected with that +unfortunate business, from her finding me extended on the bed to the +time when the rings were placed in my ears.</p> + +<p>"Oh Amy! how could you!" exclaimed my mother; "I have always despised +the barbarous +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page198" id="page198"></a>[pg 198]</span> +practice of making holes in the flesh for the sake of +ornament," she continued, "but to have them pierced by an ignorant +colored woman! Come here, child, and let me look at your ears. They are +completely spoiled!" she exclaimed, "the holes are one-sided, and close +to the very bone! What is to be done?"</p> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw suggested that it would be better to let those grow up, and +have others made in the right place; but I still retained a vivid +recollection of that scene of torture, and did not therefore feel +willing to have it repeated. But the ear-rings must come out—they were +no ornament all one-sided; so they were laid away in cotton, while I had +the pleasure of reflecting on the suffering I had endured for nothing. +Being thus brought down at the very commencement of my attempt to be +sensible, and finding it less trouble to resume my natural character, I +concluded to disregard Sylvia's well-meant advice. I was very poor at +keeping a secret; so one by one all the scrapes in which I had figured +came to light, to the great horror of the others, and the delight of +Fred, who was quite pleased to discover a congenial soul.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page199" id="page199"></a>[pg 199]</span> + +<p>Mammy at length seized upon me again, and carrying me almost by force +to the nursery, she locked the door and sat down beside me; determined, +as she said, to have me to herself for a while. Having requested an +account of all the adventures I had met with, she listened with the most +absorbed attention while I unfolded the various circumstances of my +visit. Mammy was sometimes amused, sometimes frightened, and often +shocked, but generally for the dignity of the family; for as I had been +its representative, she feared that it would suffer in the eyes of the +country people.</p> + +<p>Time passed on; Aunt Henshaw returned home, and things proceeded in +their usual way. My vanity was flattered by the increased attention +which I met with on all sides; my parents appeared to consider me much +less of a child since my return, and I was in consequence almost +emancipated from the nursery; while Mammy and Jane no longer chided me +for my misdemeanors—which, to say the truth, were much less frequent +than formerly.</p> + +<p>But I soon after experienced a great source of regret in the departure +of Ellen Tracy for +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page200" id="page200"></a>[pg 200]</span> +boarding-school. Not being an only daughter like +myself, her parents could better spare her; but we were almost +inconsolable at parting, and having shed abundance of tears, presented +each other with keepsakes as mementos of our unchanging friendship. Hers +was a little china cup, which I have kept to this day, while I gave her +a ring made of my own hair; so that, for want of Ellen's company, I was +obliged to take up with her brother's; and the boys complained that I +kept Charles so much to myself it was impossible to make him join any of +their excursions.</p> + +<p>It was my twelfth birthday; and on the evening of that day I feared that +Mammy's oft-repeated threat of leaving us, at which we had so often +trembled in our younger days, was about to be verified. A married sister +was taken very ill, and Mammy was immediately sent for to take care of +her; and indeed we were afraid that she would be obliged to stay there +altogether, on account of her nephews and nieces. How dreary the nursery +seemed after her departure! In vain did the good-natured Jane exert +herself to tell her most amusing +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page201" id="page201"></a>[pg 201]</span> +stories; they had lost their interest; +and yielding to her feelings, she became at length as dull as any of us.</p> + +<p>In about a week Mammy returned; but we could see that she was changed; +her sister had died and left five children but illy provided for. +Through the influence of my father, different situations were obtained +for the three eldest; while the old nurse, with the assistance of +occasional charity, supported the two younger ones. But Mammy had +suffered from sleepless nights, and rooms but illy warmed; and her own +health failed during her ceaseless watch by the bedside of her sister. +We did not know exactly what it was, but felt very sure that Mammy +seemed no longer like the same person.</p> + +<p>Children who are kept at a distance by their parents and elders, often +have very queer thoughts, whose existence no one imagines. I do not +think I was an ordinary child; and notwithstanding my hoyden nature had +a very thoughtful turn of mind. I well recollect, on being once sent +early to bed for some misdemeanor I bribed my brother Fred to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page202" id="page202"></a>[pg 202]</span> +accompany +me; and waking up during the night, the saying that "he who goes to bed +in anger has the devil for his bed-fellow" came across my mind, and +impressed me so strongly that I caught hold of Fred's foot to ascertain +whether it was so disagreeable a guest, or my own madcap brother who was +lying beside me. Even the kick I received in return was rather welcome +than otherwise, as it proved beyond a doubt that it was really the +veritable Fred.</p> + +<p>But what has this to do with Mammy? you ask. A great deal, I can assure +you; for I began to fear that it was not the old nurse who had returned +to us, but some strange being, who, having assumed her appearance, had +not been able altogether to imitate her manner. So I kept myself aloof, +and felt afraid to venture too close; but she grew thinner and paler, +and my mother relieved her from all care of the children.</p> + +<p>I slept in a small closet that opened into the nursery; and calling me +very softly one night, she said, "Miss Amy, will you bring me a pitcher +of water? I know they would not let me have it," she continued as I +attempted to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page203" id="page203"></a>[pg 203]</span> +remonstrate with her, "but I am determined not to die +choking."</p> + +<p>I was very much frightened, but I could not see her suffer with thirst; +and bringing her a large pitcher of water, she drank almost half of it +at once. "Now place it on a chair where I can reach it," said she, "and +go back to bed—I shall be better soon."</p> + +<p>I did as she requested, and, childlike, soon fell asleep again. The old +nurse too slept—but hers was the sleep that knows no waking. They came +in the next morning and found her dead. Her features were peaceful as +though she had died calmly, and beside her stood the pitcher empty. She +always said that if she should ever be ill, she <i>would</i> have water—she +would drink till she died, and she had literally done so. We all felt +very sad, and Fred broke forth into loud screams, on being told of her +death.</p> + +<p>It was my first realization of death—the first corpse I had ever seen; +and as I knelt beside the coffin, where the pale hands that lay +cross-folded on the breast, the motionless features, and the dreadful +stillness of the whole figure, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page204" id="page204"></a>[pg 204]</span> +spoke eloquently of the change that had +taken place, I thought of my many acts of wilfulness, ingratitude, and +unkindness, which had often pained the loving heart that had now forever +ceased to beat. Could I but see those still features again animated with +life, I felt that never again would my tongue utter aught but words of +kindness; but it was now too late for amendment—there was nothing left +me but repentance.</p> + +<p>My parents too grieved at her death; she had been in the family so long +that they were loathe to miss the old familiar face from its post in the +nursery. She was buried from our own house; and there were more true +mourners at her funeral than often fall to the lot of the great and +gifted.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page205" id="page205"></a>[pg 205]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_XV"></a><h2>CHAPTER XV.</h2> +<br></br> + +<p>"Papa, have you any relations?" I asked one evening rather suddenly, +after pondering over the subject and wondering why it was that our +family consisted of no one but papa, and mamma, and us children; while +other people always had aunts, or uncles, or cousins living with them. +We had plenty, to be sure, who came and made visits at different times; +but I meant some one to live with us altogether.</p> + +<p>"What a curious question!" said my father, smiling, "And how suddenly +you bolted out with it, Amy, after at least half an hour's silence. You +must have thought deeply on the subject, but what put it into your head +just now?"</p> + +<p>Not knowing exactly what to say, I wisely +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page206" id="page206"></a>[pg 206]</span> +remained silent; and turning +to my mother, he continued in a low tone: "Do you know that this random +question of Amy's has awakened some not very welcome reminiscences, and +pointed out a line of duty which does not promise much pleasure beyond +the consciousness of doing right? I ought to invite an addition to the +family without delay."</p> + +<p>"Are you joking, or in earnest?" inquired my mother, "And if in earnest, +pray whom do you refer to?"</p> + +<p>"You will soon find it to be most solid, substantial earnest," rejoined +my father, "for I must this very evening write a letter to Mrs. +Chesbury, senior, the step-mother of whom you have heard me speak, +inviting her to spend the summer with us. She has, you know, resided at +the South since my father's death, occasionally visiting her relatives +at the North; and as we have never yet been honored with her company, +that pleasure is still in store for us. My recollections of her, to be +sure, are not so very delightful. She was very severe in her discipline, +and continually checked my pleasures and enjoyments, which she usually +exchanged +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page207" id="page207"></a>[pg 207]</span> +for some long, heavy, incomprehensible task; and at the first +blunder in recitation, off came her shoe, which she immediately laid +across my shoulders with the most unremitting zeal. I recollect her +whipping me one day when it really appeared to me that I had not been in +the least to blame. I was quite a little fellow then, and drawing my +hand across my eyes, I sobbed forth: "I wish one of us in this room was +dead, I do—I don't wish it was me—and I don't wish it was the +cat—"Whatever I had intended to add was suddenly cut short; and I began +to think that it was rather foolish of me to subject myself to two +whippings instead of one. I have quite escaped from leading-strings +now," added my father with an expressive look; but the old lady may be +of considerable assistance in keeping you young ones in order.</p> + +<p>The children looked frightened; and Fred, being now too old to dread any +whippings on his own account, kindly undertook the instruction of his +younger brothers in the art of being saucy and playing practical jokes. +We were told to call her "grandmother," and treat her with the greatest +respect; but as I dwelt upon +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page208" id="page208"></a>[pg 208]</span> +my father's account of her, like the +magician in olden story, I almost trembled at the visitor I had invoked. +The letter was written and despatched; and after a while, an answering +one received, in which the step-mother accepted her son-in-law's +invitation, "for the sake," as she said, "of the many happy hours they +had formerly enjoyed together." I sat reading in a distant corner of the +room when this letter was received, almost concealed by the folds of the +curtains; and the other children being out of the room, I overheard my +father say:</p> + +<p>"I do not remember much else but being whipped, and sent supperless to +bed; if they <i>were</i> happy hours, it must have been on the principle of +the frogs—'What is play to you is death to us.'"</p> + +<p>My mother smiled; but she replied softly: "Perhaps she is changed now, +Arthur; do not say anything against her before the children, for she is +a stranger, entitled to our hospitality—and I would not have her +welcome a chilling one."</p> + +<p>In process of time the old lady arrived, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page209" id="page209"></a>[pg 209]</span> +accompanied by a colored +servant who answered to the name of Venus. Fred christened her "the +black divinity," at which she became highly offended; and ever after, +there was a perpetual war of words waging between the two. My +grandmother was a small, dark-complexioned woman, with an exceedingly +haughty, and very repulsive expression. She received all her +daughter-in-law's endeavors to make her feel at home as a natural right; +and appeared to consider other people intended only for her sole use and +benefit. As I glanced from her to my mother's fair, soft beauty, and +strikingly sweet expression, I formed a comparison between the two not +much to my grandmother's advantage.</p> + +<p>We soon found that the old lady had a great idea of taking the reins +into her own hands; the children were scolded, and threatened, and +locked up in dark closets, until, to use their own expression, they +became, most "dreadfully good," and never dared to show off under the +espionage of those eagle eyes. During the summer, our parents were +absent for some weeks on a pleasure jaunt; and Grandmother +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page210" id="page210"></a>[pg 210]</span> +Chesbury +having the entire control of us, we were obliged to behave very +differently from usual. She kept us all in awe except Fred; but on him +it was impossible to make the least impression. If she tyrannized over +the rest us, it was abundantly repaid by the teazings of my mischievous +brother.</p> + +<p>The old lady was extremely violent in temper, and after irritating it to +the highest pitch, or, as he termed it, "putting on the steam," he +provoked her still more by his polite sarcasms and tantalizing replies. +The object of contest between them was generally the last word in the +argument; and when victory appeared to incline neither to one side nor +the other, my grandmother would exclaim angrily: "Hold your tongue this +moment, you impertinent boy! Not another word."</p> + +<p>"Yes'm," Fred would reply, with every appearance of submission.</p> + +<p>Having triumphed up stairs, he generally went in search of Venus, whose +anger was almost as vehement as that of her mistress. Her time, when not +attending to Mrs. Chesbury, was chiefly occupied by the duties of the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page211" id="page211"></a>[pg 211]</span> +toilet; and Jane asserted that she had anxiously inquired if there were +no respectable colored gentlemen about the place? Venus always bestowed +a great deal of pains on the arrangement of her head covering, which was +profusely decorated with combs of various shapes and sizes; but "thereby +hangs a tale" which must be told.</p> + +<p>Good beef is very scarce at the South, and Southerners therefore +consider it a great treat when they come North. My grandmother was very +fond of it frizzled; and Venus being quite <i>au fait</i> in the manufacture +of this dish, the old lady never allowed any one else to make it for +her. One afternoon, during my parents' absence, the children being +disposed of in various ways—some had gone out for a walk, two were +playing together in a closet where they had been locked up, and others +were rambling about the grounds—the house was pretty clear; so my +grandmother resolved to enjoy a treat in her own apartment. A small +table was nicely laid out with all the requisites for a comfortable tea, +and Venus then departed to the kitchen to dish up some frizzled beef.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page212" id="page212"></a>[pg 212]</span> + +<p>But it so happened that the odor of the savory dish, in its passage up +stairs, found its way to the nostrils of Master Fred, who had been +quietly engaged in some wonderfully wise researches in the library; and +as even philosophers are not exempt from the earth-born love of good +things, out rushed our student with a polite request that Venus would +"allow him to taste the trash, and see if it was fit to be sent to Mrs. +Chesbury." A scuffle ensued, in which Fred succeeded in satisfying his +curiosity; and with considerably ruffled plumage, and not in the +sweetest state of mind, Venus proceeded up stairs. Fred slyly followed; +and peeping through the key-hole of a door that opened into my +grandmother's room, he determined to watch the progress of the feast. +Things looked very tempting, and he had half a mind to petition for a +seat at the table; but he began to think that, even should he succeed in +his request, a <i>seat</i> would be all he could gain; for the old lady +attacked the eatables very much in the style of a school-boy just come +home for the holidays. The frizzled beef rapidly disappeared, till the +bottom of the dish was scarcely +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page213" id="page213"></a>[pg 213]</span> +covered; but suddenly ceasing her +attacks upon it, my grandmother took the dish in her hand, and pointing +to some black substance, interrogated the colored girl in accents of +mingled doubt and horror.</p> + +<p>"Why Venus, come here! What—what—what <i>is</i> this?"</p> + +<p>"Why, la, Missus!" exclaimed Venus, while every feature brightened with +joyful surprise, "If there ain't my little comb, what I lost in the +scuffle with Master Fred! Who would have thought to find it here!"</p> + +<p>"Who, indeed!" ejaculated the old lady, in a voice scarcely audible.</p> + +<p>My grandmother did not leave her room that evening, and we were told +that she was ill; while it is scarcely necessary to add that Fred never +again interfered with any of Venus' cookeries. When repeating the story, +he always dwelt upon the ridiculous tableau presented by the horrified +looks of the old lady, as she pointed to the suspicious-looking +article—and the delight and surprise of Venus at recovering her lost +property in such an unexpected manner. He possessed a great talent for +drawing; +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page214" id="page214"></a>[pg 214]</span> +and before long, a caricature appeared, which was a most +life-like representation of the whole scene. My mother shook her head, +and my father delivered a short, but expressive lecture upon the +improper nature of mimicry; but in the midst of an edifying discourse +Fred suddenly displayed the drawing in full view—at which all the +children burst into peals of laughter, and my father abruptly closed his +sermon, and frowning sternly, walked into the library; but we could +perceive a nervous twitching about the corners of his mouth, which +looked very much at variance with the frown upon his brow.</p> + +<p>My mother too, fixed her eyes steadfastly upon her sewing, and refused +to look up; which Fred saucily told her was only because she knew she +would laugh if she did. We were then told that we had been naughty +children, and sent out of the room; but somehow, we did not feel as +though we had been <i>very</i> bad, or that our parents were very angry with +us, and skipping along through the garden-walks, we next sent Jane +almost into convulsions of laughter by a display of the picture. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page215" id="page215"></a>[pg 215]</span> +Mamma, +however, burned it before long; she said that it was highly improper to +ridicule our grandmother, even if she <i>had</i> faults, and that we must +bear with her kindly, and not forget how few pleasures she enjoyed. Dear +mamma! she was too kind—too good; and often met with the fate of +such—imposition.</p> + +<p>I once heard of a lady who went to a house to make a call, and stayed +eleven years; this was somewhat similar to my grandmother's case—she +came to pass the summer with us, and spent her life-time. Whenever she +spoke of going back to the South, my father urged her to stay, and gave +convincing reasons why she should prolong her visit; and my mother, too, +kindly reflecting that the old lady had no near relatives and seemed to +enjoy herself with us, added her entreaties. At last they told her that +there was no reason why she should not stay altogether; and she appeared +to think so too, for she stayed. As we grew more accustomed to her we +liked her better than at first; she told us long stories about the +South, and related anecdotes of the greatness, and wealth, and +distinguished position of her own family, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page216" id="page216"></a>[pg 216]</span> +which she considered superior +to any in the United States. Venus too came into more favor; and after a +while we almost forgot the beef story.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page217" id="page217"></a>[pg 217]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_XVI"></a><h2>CHAPTER XVI.</h2> +<br></br> + +<p>Time passed on; I had almost reached my fifteenth birthday, and began +to consider myself no longer a child. I was very tall for my age, and +quite showy-looking; and gentlemen who visited at the house now treated +me with all the attention due a young lady; which flattered my vanity +very much, and made me think them very agreeable. I remember my father's +once sending me from the room, on account of some gentleman's nonsense +which he considered me too young to listen to; but I felt very much hurt +at such treatment, and almost regarded myself as some heroine of romance +imprisoned by cruel parents. Novels were a great injury to me, as indeed +they are to every one. Their style was much +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page218" id="page218"></a>[pg 218]</span> +more extravagant and +unnatural than at the present day; and even at this early age, I had +read the "Children of the Abbey," the "Mysteries of Udolpho," the +"Scottish Chiefs," "Thaddeus of Warsaw," and many others of the same +stamp.</p> + +<p>But how did I obtain these, you ask? My mother, with her sense and +discernment, would not have placed such books in my hands; and you are +right. My grandmother was an inveterate novel-reader, but very careful +that her books fell into no other hands; so that the only means of +satisfying my taste for romantic reading was by stealth. Although novels +were proscribed, no other books were placed in my hands; there were then +scarcely any children's books published, and consumed as I was by an +inordinate passion for reading, was determined to indulge it without +being very particular about the means. How often have I watched my +opportunity when my grandmother had left her apartment for an afternoon +visit or drive, and then drawn forth the cherished volume from beneath +the pillow and even from between the bed and sacking bottom! so +carefully were they +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page219" id="page219"></a>[pg 219]</span> +concealed from view. Sometimes, indeed, she locked +the door of her room, and took the key with her; and then all ingress +was impossible.</p> + +<p>What wild, foolish dreams I indulged in!--What romantic-visions of the +future that were never realized! How well I remember my sensations on +reading the "Scottish Chiefs." Wallace appeared to me almost in the +light of a god—so noble, so touching were all his acts and words, that +I even envied Helen Mar the privilege of calling herself his wife, and +then dying to lay her head in the same grave with him. I resolved to +give up all the common-place of life, and cling unto the spiritual—to +purify myself from every earth-born wish and habit, and live but in the +hope of meeting with a second Wallace. I persevered in this resolution +for a whole week; and then meeting with some equally delightful hero of +an opposite nature, I changed from grave to gay. My mood during these +periods of fascination was as variable as the different heroines I +admired. Now I would imitate the pensiveness of Amanda, and go about +with streaming tresses, and a softly modulated tone of voice—then I +would read of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page220" id="page220"></a>[pg 220]</span> +some sprightly heroine who changed all by her vivacity +and piquant sayings, and immediately commence springing down three +stairs at a time, teazing all the children, and making some reply to +everything that was said, which sometimes passed for wit but oftener for +impudence—and then again some noble, self-sacrificing character would +excite my admiration, and oh! how I longed for some opportunity to +signalize myself! A bullet aimed at some loved one, whom I could protect +by rushing forward and receiving it myself; but I was not to be killed, +only sufficiently wounded to make me appear interesting—disabled in the +arm, perhaps, without much suffering, for bodily pain never formed a +prominent feature in my ideas of the romantic and striking—I was too +great a coward; or else a plunge into the waves to rescue some drowning +person from perishing, when I wished just to come near enough to death +to elevate me into a heroine for after life.</p> + +<p>I looked in the glass, and seeing large, dark eyes, a healthful bloom, +and rather pretty features, I concluded that I need not belong to the +plain and amiable order, and began to wish +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page221" id="page221"></a>[pg 221]</span> +most enthusiastically for +some romantic admirer; some one who would expose himself to the danger +of a sore throat and influenza for the sake of serenading me—who would +be rather glad than otherwise to risk his life by jumping down a +precipice to bring me some descried wild flower, and who, when away from +me, would pass his time in writing extravagant poetry, of which I was to +be the bright divinity. Old as I am, I feel almost ashamed to repeat +this nonsense now; and had I then possessed more sense myself, or made +by mother the confidant of these flights of fancy, I need not now relate +my own silly experience to warn you from the effects of novel-reading.</p> + +<p>Charles Tracy did not at all realize my romantic ideas of a hero; and +one bright day the dissatisfaction which had been gradually gathering in +my mind expressed itself in words. I had gone down to a lake at the +bottom of the garden to indulge in high-flown meditations; and Charles +Tracy stood beside one of the boats which were always kept there.</p> + +<p>"Come, Amy," said he, as I drew near, "it +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page222" id="page222"></a>[pg 222]</span> +is a beautiful day—let us +have a row across the lake."</p> + +<p>"No," said I, twining my arm around one of the young trees near, "I +prefer remaining here."</p> + +<p>"You had better come with me," rejoined Charles, "instead of keeping +company there with the snapping-turtles. Well," he added after a short +pause, "if you will not come with me, why I must go alone."</p> + +<p>"Go, then!" said I, bitterly, "you love your own pleasure a great deal +better than you do me!"</p> + +<p>"Why Amy!" he exclaimed, coming close to me as though doubtful of my +sanity, "how very strangely you talk! You know that I love you very +much," he continued, "for haven't we been together and quarrelled with +each other ever since I can remember? And do I not now bear the marks of +the time when you threw the cat in my face to end our childish dispute? +And the scar where you stuck the pen-knife in my arm? And don't you +remember how you used to pull my hair out by handfuls? How +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page223" id="page223"></a>[pg 223]</span> +can I help +loving you when I call to mind all these tender recollections?"</p> + +<p>This reply provoked me very much; and I answered energetically: "You do +<i>not</i> love me!--you do not know how to love I When did you ever make any +sacrifices for me?" I continued in an excited manner, "When did I ever +hear you singing beneath my window in a tone meant for no ear but mine? +When did you ever rush with me out of a burning house, or encounter any +danger for my sake? When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at +midnight when all others were asleep?"</p> + +<p>During the progress of this singular speech, Charles Tracy's countenance +had gradually changed from the surprised to the amused; and when I had +concluded he laughed—yes, he actually laughed! What a damper of +sentiment!</p> + +<p>"Laugh on," said I, in a dignified manner, as I turned my steps +homeward, "that has now put an end to all."</p> + +<p>He was but a boy—I, a <i>woman</i>, for should I not be fifteen to-morrow? +and I walked away from him in contempt; while he quietly jumped into the +boat and rowed across the lake, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page224" id="page224"></a>[pg 224]</span> +whistling a tune. But I had not +proceeded far before a loud "ha! ha!" from my brother Fred sounded close +at my side; he had been an unobserved listener to the whole +conversation, now enjoyed the pleasure of teasing me all the way home.</p> + +<p>"That's right, Amy!" said he, "Keep up your dignity, child. What a rich +scene! <i>'When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at midnight +when all others were asleep?'</i> Rather a hopeless watch, I'm thinking, as +you sleep in the middle room between mother's and the nursery; and +between you and I, Amy, you know that you don't burn a taper, but a +brass lamp; but that, of course, isn't quite so poetical to tell of. +Such an air, too!--what a rare tragic actress you'd make! Do say it +over, won't you? I have almost forgotten the beginning."</p> + +<p>I gave Fred a boxed ear, which must have stung for sometime afterwards; +and running hastily into the house, locked myself up in my own room till +tea-time. The next day was my birthday; and while my table was strewn +with acceptable gifts from all the others, I perceived +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page225" id="page225"></a>[pg 225]</span> +among them a +very antiquated-looking cap and pair of spectacles, to the latter of +which was attached a slip of paper, on which was written: "To improve +the impaired sight of my dear sister Amy, produced by her declining +years; also a cap to conceal the gray hairs of age, and 'Young's Night +Thoughts' for the edification of her mind."</p> + +<p>I was almost ready to cry from mortification; but I remembered that I +was now fifteen, and took the articles down stairs for the purpose of +exposing Master Fred, but what did I get for my pains? In justification +he told the story of yesterday, in his own peculiarly humorous way; and +when I saw myself thus reflected, the ridiculous tendency of my words +and manner struck me forcibly, and I was almost ready to laugh. But the +others did that abundantly for me, while wondering where I had picked up +such notions; and Grandmother Chesbury, I verily believe, suspected that +I had been at her novels, for after that I never could find one.</p> + +<p>But although I was thus debarred from receiving any new impressions, the +old ones still continued in full force; and at last came +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page226" id="page226"></a>[pg 226]</span> +the long +desired opportunity to signalize myself. I was then almost sixteen, and +the treaty of peace with England had just been celebrated. I remember +well the illuminations and festivities on the first night of the +proclamation, which we spent in the city at a friend's house; the +balconies were wreathed with flowers, lights blazed from every window, +crowds of beautifully-dressed women filled the rooms, and the sounds of +music and dancing were heard in every street. It was my first evening in +company—my first experience of admiration; and completely carried away +by the music, the lights, and the occasion, the old desire for some +signalizing deed came thronging back in full force, till I grew almost +bewildered. No opportunity offered that night; I could only join in the +festivities, and listen to the feats and praises of others; but towards +the latter part of the evening my eye was attracted by the brilliant +uniform and handsome appearance of a young officer who passed through +the rooms, and lingered a moment in a distant corner among a knot of +friends who crowded eagerly about him. His commanding figure, beautiful +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page227" id="page227"></a>[pg 227]</span> +features, and intellectual, yet sweet, expression, completely realized +all my ideas of a novel-hero; I saw my father speaking to him, and +immediately made signs to introduce him, but before I could catch his +eye, the officer had disappeared. Papa told me that Major Arlington's +father had been an old friend of his, and he would have introduced him +to me, but business called him in another direction, and he could not +stay a moment longer, but promised us a visit at an early day.</p> + +<p>You need not smile, Miss Ella, and look so knowing at the mention of the +name; how do you know that there were not two Arlingtons in the world? +How do you know but that it was his brother I married? How do you +know—but never mind, I will go on with my story. It was several days +after that eventful evening, which still left a vivid impression upon my +mind; the desire to perform some wonderful deed remained in full force, +mingled with visions of the young officer, and I wandered about, without +paying much attention to my ordinary duties. Papa and mamma were both +from home, and Grandmother Chesbury had locked herself up +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page228" id="page228"></a>[pg 228]</span> +with a new +novel; while I was roaming about the grounds not far from the front +entrance.</p> + +<p>A sound of wheels suddenly struck upon my ear; I supposed it was some +visitor and paid not much attention to it; but before long there was a +confused noise of voices—a sound of plunging and rearing—and a +distinct crashing of some heavy vehicle. My evil genius led me to the +spot; I beheld a handsome carriage, which the horses seemed striving to +dash in pieces—caught a glimpse of a glittering uniform inside—and +following a wild impulse, sprang forward and endeavored to seize the +bridle. I heard some one say, "Take care of the young lady!" and then +the officer jumped from the carriage, while I was thrown down close to +the horses' feet. A confused hum sounded in my ears—and then followed a +long blank.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"></hr> + +<p>When I awoke to consciousness I found myself lying on a sofa in a small +sitting-room; but no one was bending tenderly over me—not even a +mother's face met my eyes—but the gossip of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page229" id="page229"></a>[pg 229]</span> +two women servants grated +painfully on my ear.</p> + +<p>"What under the sun possessed Miss Amy to go and cut up such a caper as +that!" said one of them, "All the mischief she's done this day won't be +done away with for weeks to come."</p> + +<p>"No, indeed!" rejoined the other, "that young officer is a fixture here +for six weeks at least. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor are broken legs +healed in ten minutes—and such a beauty as he is, too! It's shameful to +think of!"</p> + +<p>"If she'd only let him alone, he'd done well enough—but she must go and +jump right under the horses' feet, so that, of course, he had to spring +out to prevent her being killed, and that broke his leg, while she +wasn't hurt a bit. Speaking of beauties, if Miss Amy could only have +seen herself then!--spotted with mud from head to foot, and her hair +flying in all directions!"</p> + +<p>On hearing that I was not hurt, I sprang from the sofa and rushed to the +glass, where I encountered the reflection of a most pitiable-looking +figure. Even my face was daubed with +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page230" id="page230"></a>[pg 230]</span> +mud and dirt, and I looked like a +veritable fright. Shame, mortification, and sorrow for my heedless +conduct almost overwhelmed me. In the selfish desire to signalize +myself, I had hazarded the life of a fellow-being, and brought upon him +weeks of suffering which no act of mine could now alleviate. The tears +rolled down my cheeks; but having ascertained that my parents had not +yet returned, I cut short the gossip of the servants, and ordering them +to bring me some water, I arranged my disordered dress for a visit to +the sufferer's apartment.</p> + +<p>Doctor Irwin had been instantly sent for; and when I entered the room, +he was seated by his patient's bedside, while Major Arlington lay with +closed eyes and pallid features in a kind of sleep or stupor.</p> + +<p>"Miss Amy," whispered the doctor, "this is a sad business—and your +parents from home, too. What will be their feelings on their return?"</p> + +<p>I glanced at the motionless figure of the young officer, and too much +ashamed to reply, hung my head in silence.</p> + +<p>"Are you sure that you were not at all hurt, my dear child?" he +continued in a kind tone; +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page231" id="page231"></a>[pg 231]</span> +"What a very wild proceeding it was to throw +yourself into the melée! If two men could not manage the horses, could +you suppose that your strength would be sufficient. You should have +reasoned with yourself before taking such a step, for you see the +unfortunate effects of it."</p> + +<p><i>Reason!</i> there was not the least particle of reason in my whole +composition; this was a wild, impulsive act, performed without the least +thought for the probable consequences, and I now stood gazing on the +wreck I had made, in silent bewilderment. My parents soon returned; and +hurrying to the apartment with countenances of astonishment and fear, +there realized a confirmation of the dreadful accounts they had been +assailed with. "And who was the author of all this mischief? <i>Amy</i>." My +eyes drooped under the stern, reproving glances I encountered, and I +crept about the house like a guilty thing—fervently wishing for the +bodily suffering I had brought upon the victim of my wild attempt, +instead of the pain of mind with which I was tormented.</p> + +<p>Days passed on, but the lapse of time was unheeded by me; my post was by +the bedside +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page232" id="page232"></a>[pg 232]</span> +of the sufferer—my employment to anticipate his slightest +wish, and yield to every humor. As he grew better I read to him, sung to +him, talked to him; and in return received the grateful glances of those +expressive eyes, which followed me about whenever I moved from his side. +At length he could sit up in his apartment, and then walk slowly through +the grounds, with the assistance of a heavy cane on one side and my arm +on the other; till at last he was pronounced to be as well as other +people; or, as Dr. Irwin expressed it, "as good as new." Your eyes are +brightening up, Ella, in anticipation of a most sentimental love-tale; +but I shall not gratify your desire of laughing at your grandmother's +folly; but shall only say, that before he left, I had promised, with the +consent of my parents, to become Mrs. Arlington. I was married at +eighteen, and, strange to say, to one who appeared a realization of all +my girlish fancies; he was noble-minded, warm-hearted, and almost as +enthusiastic as myself—with a sweetness of temper which I have never +seen raffled, except by some act of injustice or cruelty.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page233" id="page233"></a>[pg 233]</span> + +<p>But do not flatter yourself, Ella, that life glided on with me like the +pages of a romance; I was obliged to lay aside a great many silly +theories which I had indulged in, and come to plain reality much oftener +than suited my inclination. A <i>perfect</i> person is not to be found upon +earth; when disposed to murmur at not meeting with the sacrifices you +expect, ask yourself if you would be willing to make these sacrifices +for another—and then be not surprised that others are not more free +from the dross of self-consideration than you are. Also, do not suppose +that it was my hair-brained performance at our first meeting which +attracted my husband's affections; no, often has the color mounted to my +face at his reference to that scene, and his own impressions then.</p> + +<p>"You reminded me, Amy," he would say, laughing, "of some reckless sprite +from the kingdom of misrule, who had flown into the scene, determined to +make all the trouble she could. It was very chivalrous of you, to be +sure, and I ought to be very grateful—but I must own that I felt +exceedingly provoked at being obliged to risk my life by springing out +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page234" id="page234"></a>[pg 234]</span> +to rescue you from the horses' hoofs. But never mind, <i>chere amie</i>" he +would add as he saw the hot tears starting to my eyes, while face, neck, +and brow, were suffused with the hue of mortification, "there was an +after-page in the sick-room, when I beheld, with surprise, my crazy +heroine transformed into the demure, and gentle nurse, and learned to +distinguish a soft-toned voice, which always lingered in my ears like +pleasant music; so that after all, I am really indebted to you, Amy, for +making me break my leg—for, if you had not done so, I am afraid I never +should have discovered my jewel of a wife."</p> + +<p>So much for my romance; but the scene generally ended with the kiss of +reconciliation, and I, too, learned to smile at my act of girlish folly.</p> + +<p>"My tale is told; my parents have long slept beside each other, where the +long grass waves over them—my elder brothers are still living—my +brother Henry is a beloved and venerated clergyman in one of our large +cities—while the wild, hair-brained Fred became a talented lawyer in +the same place where he is universally +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page235" id="page235"></a>[pg 235]</span> +respected. The rest of my +brothers are all dead; and we three only survive out of a family of +nine. Perhaps at some future time I may give you an account of my +residence in England; but I must now conclude my adventures for the +present."</p> + +<p>Here ended my grandmother's history, which had afforded us many evenings +of amusement. We were both surprised and pleased at her frankness in +speaking of her faults and mischievous acts; and could indeed hardly +comprehend that the very sensible, dignified lady before us had ever +been such an odd, harum-scarum sort of character—yet so it was, and she +had kindly related her own experience for our improvement. The last +chapter was intended more especially for my own particular edification; +but we all laughed heartily at my grandmother's ideas of signalizing +herself. That room is to us a charmed spot; and we look forward most +anxiously to the time when she is to begin an account of her life in +England.</p> +<br></br> + +<p>THE END</p> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Grandmother's Recollections, by Ella Rodman + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS *** + +***** This file should be named 11427-h.htm or 11427-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/4/2/11427/ + +Produced by Internet Archive; University of Florida, Children, Amy +Petri and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Grandmother's Recollections + +Author: Ella Rodman + +Release Date: March 3, 2004 [EBook #11427] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS *** + + + + +Produced by Internet Archive; University of Florida, Children, Amy +Petri and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS. + +BY ELLA RODMAN. + + +1851. + + +A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +The best bed-chamber, with its hangings of crimson moreen, was opened +and aired--a performance which always caused my eight little brothers +and sisters to place themselves in convenient positions for being +stumbled over, to the great annoyance of industrious damsels, who, armed +with broom and duster, endeavored to render their reign as arbitrary as +it was short. For some time past, the nursery-maids had invariably +silenced refractory children with "Fie, Miss Matilda! Your grandmother +will make you behave yourself--_she_ won't allow such doings, I'll be +bound!" or "Aren't you ashamed of yourself, Master Clarence? What will +your grandmother say to that!" The nursery was in a state of uproar on +the day of my venerable relative's arrival; for the children almost +expected to see, in their grandmother, an ogress, both in features and +disposition. + +My mother was the eldest of two children, and my grandmother, from the +period of my infancy, had resided in England with her youngest daughter; +and we were now all employed in wondering what sort of a person our +relative might be. Mamma informed us that the old lady was extremely +dignified, and exacted respect and attention from all around; she also +hinted, at the same time, that it would be well for me to lay aside a +little of my self-sufficiency, and accommodate myself to the humors of +my grandmother. This to me!--to _me_, whose temper was so inflammable +that the least inadvertent touch was sufficient to set it in a blaze--it +was too much! So, like a well-disposed young lady, I very properly +resolved that _mine_ should not be the arm to support the venerable Mrs. +Arlington in her daily walks; that should the children playfully +ornament the cushion of her easy-chair with pins, _I_ would not turn +informant; and should a conspiracy be on foot to burn the old lady's +best wig, I entertained serious thoughts of helping along myself. + +In the meantime, like all selfish persons, I considered what demeanor I +should assume, in order to impress my grandmother with a conviction of +my own consequence. Of course, dignified and unbending I _would_ be; but +what if she chose to consider me a child, and treat me accordingly? The +idea was agonizing to my feelings; but then I proudly surveyed my five +feet two inches of height, and wondered how I could have thought of such +a thing! Still I had sense enough to know that such a supposition would +never have entered my head, had there not been sufficient grounds for +it; and, with no small trepidation, I prepared for my first appearance. + +It went off as first appearances generally do. I _was_ to have been +seated in an attitude of great elegance, with my eyes fixed on the pages +of some wonderfully wise book, but my thoughts anywhere but in company +with my eyes; while, to give more dignity to a girlish figure, my hair +was to be turned up on the very top of my head with a huge shell comb, +borrowed for the occasion from mamma's drawer. Upon my grandmother's +entrance, I intended to rise and make her a very stiff courtesy, and +then deliver a series of womanish remarks. This, I say, _was_ to have +been my first appearance--but alas! fate ordered otherwise. I was caught +by my dignified relative indulging in a game of romps upon the balcony +with two or three little sisters in pinafores and pantalettes--myself as +much a child as any of them. My grandmother came rather suddenly upon me +as, with my long hair floating in wild confusion, I stooped to pick up +my comb; and while in this ungraceful position, one of the little +urchins playfully climbed upon my back, while the others held me down. +My three little sisters had never appeared to such disadvantage in my +eyes, as they did at the present moment; in vain I tried to shake them +off--they only clung the closer, from fright, on being told of their +grandmother's arrival. + +At length, with crimsoned cheeks, and the hot tears starting to my eyes, +I rose and received, rather than returned the offered embrace, and found +myself in the capacious arms of one whom I should have taken for an old +dowager duchess. On glancing at my grandmother's portly figure and +consequential air, I experienced the uncomfortable sensation of utter +insignificance--I encountered the gaze of those full, piercing eyes, and +felt that I was conquered. Still I resolved to make some struggles for +my dignity yet, and not submit until defeat was no longer doubtful. +People in talking of "unrequited affection," speak of "the knell of +departed hopes," but no knell could sound more dreadful to the +ears of a girl in her teens--trembling for her scarcely-fledged +young-lady-hood--than did the voice of my grandmother, (and it was by no +means low), as she remarked: + +"So this is Ella. Why, how the child has altered! I remember her only as +a little, screaming baby, that was forever holding its breath with +passion till it became black in the face. Many a thumping have I given +you, child, to make you come to, and sometimes I doubted if your face +ever would be straight again. Even now it can hardly be said to belong +to the meek and amiable order." + +Here my grandmother drew forth her gold spectacles from a +richly-ornamented case, and deliberately scanned my indignant features, +while she observed: "Not much of the Bredforth style--quite an +Arlington." I drew myself up with all the offended dignity of sixteen, +but it was of no use; my grandmother turned me round, in much the same +manner that the giant might have been supposed to handle Tom Thumb, and +surveyed me from top to toe. + +I was unable to discover the effect of her investigation, but I +immediately became convinced that my grandmother's opinion was one of +the greatest importance. She possessed that indescribable kind of manner +which places you under the conviction that you are continually doing, +saying, or thinking something wrong; and which makes you humbly obliged +to such a person for coinciding in any of your opinions. Instead of the +dignified part I had expected to play, I looked very like a naughty +child that has just been taken out of its corner. The impression left +upon my mind by my grandmother's appearance will never be effaced; her +whole _tout ensemble_ was peculiarly striking, with full dark eyes, +high Roman nose, mouth of great beauty and firmness of expression, and +teeth whose splendor I have never seen equalled--although she was then +past her fiftieth year. Add to this a tall, well-proportioned figure, +and a certain air of authority, and my grandmother stands before you. + +As time somewhat diminished our awe, we gained the _entree_ of my +grandmother's apartment, and even ventured to express our curiosity +respecting the contents of various trunks, parcels, and curious-looking +boxes. To children, there is no greater pleasure than being permitted to +look over and arrange the articles contained in certain carefully-locked +up drawers, unopened boxes, and old-fashioned chests; stray jewels from +broken rings--two or three beads of a necklace--a sleeve or breadth of +somebody's wedding dress--locks of hair--gifts of schoolgirl +friendships--and all those little mementoes of the past, that lie +neglected and forgotten till a search after some mislaid article brings +them again to our view, and excites a burst of feeling that causes us to +look sadly back upon the long vista of departed years, with their +withered hopes, never-realized expectations, and fresh, joyous tone, +seared by disappointment and worldly wisdom. The reward of patient toil +and deep-laid schemes yields not half the pleasure that did the little +Indian cabinet, (which always stood so provokingly locked, and just +within reach), when during a period of convalescence, we were permitted +to examine its recesses--when floods of sunlight danced upon the wall of +the darkened room towards the close of day, and every one seemed _so_ +kind! + +My grandmother indulged our curiosity to the utmost; now a pair of +diamond ear-pendants would appear among the soft folds of perfumed +cotton, and flash and glow with all the brilliancy of former days--now a +rich brocaded petticoat called up phantoms of the past, when ladies wore +high-heeled shoes, and waists of no size at all--and gentlemen felt +magnificently attired in powdered curls and cues, and as many ruffles as +would fill a modern dressing gown. There were also fairy slippers, +curiously embroidered, with neatly covered heels; and anxious to adorn +myself with these relics of the olden time I attempted to draw one on. +But like the renowned glass-slipper, it would fit none but the owner, +and I found myself in the same predicament as Cinderella's sisters. In +vain I tugged and pulled; the more I tried, the more it wouldn't go +on--and my grandmother remarked with a sigh, that "people's feet were +not as small as they were in old times." I panted with vexation; for I +had always been proud of my foot, and now put it forward that my +grandmother might see how small it was. But no well-timed compliment +soothed my irritated feelings; and more dissatisfied with myself than +ever, I pursued my investigations. + +My grandmother, as if talking to herself, murmured: "How little do we +know, when we set out in life, of the many disappointments before us! +How little can we deem that the heart which then is ours will change +with the fleeting sunshine! It is fearful to have the love of a +life-time thrown back as a worthless thing!" + +"Fearful!" I chimed in. "Death were preferable!" + +"You little goose!" exclaimed my grandmother, as she looked me full in +the face, "What can _you_ possibly know about the matter?" + +I had nothing to do but bury my head down low in the trunk I was +exploring; it was my last attempt at sentiment. My grandmother took +occasion to give me some very good advice with respect to the behavior +of hardly-grown girls; she remarked that they should be careful not to +engross the conversation, and also, that quiet people were always more +interesting than loud talkers. I resolved to try my utmost to be quiet +and interesting, though at the same time it did occur to me as a little +strange that, being so great an admirer of the species, she was not +quiet and interesting herself. But being quiet was not my grandmother's +forte; and it is generally understood that people always admire what +they are not, or have not themselves. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +The old lady also possessed rather strict ideas of the respect and +deference due to parents and elders; and poor mamma, whose authority did +not stand very high, felt considerable relief in consequence of our, +(or, as I am tempted to say, _the children's_) improved behavior. I +remember being rather startled myself one day, when one of the +before-mentioned little sisters commenced a system of teazing for some +forbidden article. + +"Mother, mother,--can't I have that set of cards? We want it in our +play-room--Phemie and me are going to build a house." + +"I do not like to give you permission," replied mamma, looking +considerably worried, "for George does not wish you to have them." + +"Oh, but George is out, mother--out for all day," rejoined the +precocious canvasser, "and will never know anything about it." + +"But perhaps he might come home before you had done with them, and +George is so terribly passionate, and hates to have his things touched, +that he will raise the whole house." + +"Poor boy!" observed my grandmother dryly, "What a misfortune to be so +passionate! A deep-seated, and, I fear, incurable one, Amy; for of +course you have used your utmost endeavors, both by precept and example, +to render him otherwise." + +I almost pitied my mother's feelings; for well did I remember the +cried-for toy placed within his hands, to stop the constant succession +of screams sent forth by a pair of lungs whose strength seemed +inexhaustible--the comfort and convenience of the whole family +disregarded, not because he was the _best_, but the _worst_ child--and +often the destruction of some highly-prized trinket or gem of art, +because he was "_passionate_;" the result of which was, that my poor +brother George became one of the most selfish, exacting, intolerable +boys that ever lived. + +There was no reply, save a troubled look; and the little tormentor +continued in a fretful tone; "We'll put 'em all away before he gets in, +and never tell him a word of it--can't we have them, mother?" + +My mother glanced towards her mentor, but the look which she met +impelled her to pursue a course so different from her usual one, that I +listened in surprise: "No, Caroline, you can _not_ have them--now leave +the room, and let me hear no more about it." + +"I want them," said the child in a sullen tone, while she turned to that +invariable resource of refactory children who happen to be near a door; +namely, turning the knob, and clicking the lock back and forth, and +swinging on it at intervals. + +This performance is extremely trying to a person of restless, nervous +temperament, and my grandmother, setting up her spectacles, exclaimed +commandingly: "Caroline, how dare you stand pouting there? Did you not +hear your mother, naughty girl? Leave the room--this instant?" + +The child stood a moment almost transfixed with surprise; but as she saw +my grandmother preparing to advance upon her--her ample skirts and +portly person somewhat resembling a ship under full sail--she made +rather an abrupt retreat; discomposing the nerves of a small +nursery-maid, whom she encountered in the passage, to such a degree +that, as the girl expressed it, "she was took all of a sudden." + +I had given a quick, convulsive start as the first tones fell upon my +ear, and now sat bending over my sewing like a chidden child, almost +afraid to look up. I was one of those unlucky mortals who bear the blame +of everything wrong they witness; and having, in tender infancy, been +suddenly seized upon in Sunday school by the superintendent, and placed +in a conspicuous situation of disgrace for looking at a companion who +was performing some strange antic, but who possessed one of those +india-rubber faces that, after twisting themselves into all possible, or +rather impossible shapes, immediately become straight the moment any +one observes them--having, I say, met with this mortifying exposure, it +gave me a shock which I have not to this day recovered; and I cannot now +see any one start up hastily in pursuit of another without fancying +myself the culprit, and trembling accordingly. This sudden movement, +therefore, of my grandmother's threw me into an alarming state of +terror, and, quite still and subdued, I sat industriously stitching, all +the morning after. + +"Dear me!" said my mother with a sigh, "how much better you make them +mind than I can." + +"I see, Amy," said my grandmother kindly, "that your influence is very +weak--the care of of so large a family has prevented you from attending +to each one properly. You perceive the effect of a little well-timed +authority, and I do not despair of you yet. You are naturally," she +continued, "amiable and indolent, and though gentleness is certainly +agreeable and interesting, yet a constant succession of sweets cannot +fail to cloy, and engender a taste for something sharper and more +wholesome." + +Delicacy prevented me from remaining to hear my mother advised and +lectured, and the rest of my grandmother's discourse was therefore lost +to me; but whatever it was, I soon perceived its beneficial results--the +children were no longer permitted to roam indiscriminately through all +parts of the house--certain rooms were proof againt their +invasions--they became less troublesome and exacting, and far more +companionable. The worried look gradually cleared from my mother's brow, +and as my grandmother was extremely fond of sight-seeing, visiting, +tea-drinkings, and everything in the shape of company, she persevered in +dragging her daughter out day after day, until she made her enjoy it +almost as much as herself. Old acquaintances were hunted up and brought +to light, and new ones made through the exertions of my grandmother, +who, in consequence of such a sociable disposition, soon became very +popular. The young ones were banished to the nursery; and, as they were +no longer allowed to spend their days in eating, there was far less +sickness among them, and our family doctor's bill decreased amazingly. + +Our grandmother, having spent many years in the "mother-country," was +extremely English in her feelings and opinions, and highly advocated the +frugal diet on which the children of the higher classes are always kept. +Lord and Lady Grantham, the son-in-law and daughter at whose residence +she passed the time of her sojourn in England, were infallible models of +excellence and prudence; and the children were again and again informed +that their little English cousins were never allowed meat until the age +of seven, and considered it a great treat to get beef broth twice a +week. Butter was also a prohibited article of luxury--their usual +breakfast consisting of mashed potatoes, or bread and milk; and my +grandmother used to relate how one morning a little curly-headed thing +approached her with an air of great mystery, and whispered: "What _do_ +you think we had for breakfast?" "Something very good, I suspect--what +can it be?" "Guess." "O, I cannot; you must tell me." "_Buttered +bread_!" Our laughter increased as she gave an amusing account of the +blue eyes stretched to their utmost extent, as these wonderful words +were pronounced hesitatingly, as though doubtful of the effect; and in +consequence of various anecdotes of the same nature, the children's +impressions of England were by no means agreeable. Our little cousins +must certainly have been the most wonderful children ever heard of, for +by my grandmother's account, they could dance, sing, and speak French +almost as soon as they could walk. She also informed us, as a positive +fact, that on saying: "_Baisez, Cora--baisez la dame_," the very baby in +arms put up its rosebud lips to kiss the stranger mentioned. It would +have been stranger still for the younger children to speak English, as +they were always in the company of French nurses. + +Although my grandmother could so easily assume a stern and commanding +air, it was by no means habitual to her; and the children, though they +feared and never dared to dispute her authority, soon loved her with all +the pure, unselfish love of childhood, which cannot be bought. "Things +were not so and so when I was young," was a favorite remark of hers; and +as I one day remarked that "those must have been wonderful times when +old people were young," she smiled and said that "though not wonderful, +they were times when parents and teachers were much more strict with +children than they are now." I immediately experienced a strong desire +to be made acquainted with the circumstances of my grandmother's +childhood, and began hinting to that effect. + +"Were they very strict with you, grandmother?" asked we mischievously. + +She looked rather disconcerted for a moment, and then replied with a +smile: "Not very--I saw very little of my parents, being mostly left to +nurses and servants; but you all seem eager for information on that +point, and although there is absolutely nothing worth relating, you may +all come to my room this evening, and we will begin on the subject of my +younger days." + +We swallowed tea rather hastily, and danced off in high glee to my +grandmother's apartment, ready for the unfolding of unheard-of +occurrences and mysteries. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +We were all happily seated around the fire; the grate was piled up high +with coal, and threw a bright reflection upon the polished +marble--everything was ready to begin, when a most unfortunate question +of my sister Emma's interfered with our progress. She had settled +herself on a low stool at my grandmother's feet, and while we all sat in +silent expectation of the "once upon a time," or "when I was young," +which is generally the prelude to similar narratives, Emma suddenly +started up, and fixing an incredulous gaze upon our dignified relative, +exclaimed: "But were you _ever_ young, grandmother? I mean," she +continued, a little frightened at her own temerity, "were you ever as +little as I am now?" + +Some of us began to cough, others used their pocket-handkerchiefs, and +one and all waited in some anxiety for the effect. Emma, poor child! +seemed almost ready to sink through the floor under the many astonished +and reproving glances which she encountered; and my grandmother's +countenance at first betokened a gathering storm. + +But in a few moments this cleared up; and ashamed of her momentary anger +at this childish question, she placed her hand kindly on Emma's head as +she replied: "Yes, Emma, quite as little as you are--and it is of those +very times that I am going to tell you. I shall not begin at the +beginning, but speak of whatever happens to enter my mind, and a +complete history of my childhood will probably furnish employment for a +great many evenings. But I am very much averse to interruptions, and if +you have any particular questions to ask, all inquiries must be made +before I commence." + +"Were you born and did you live in America?" said I. + +"Yes," replied my grandmother, "I was born and lived in America, in the +State of New York. So much for the locality--now, what next?" + +"Did you ever see Washington?" inquired Bob, "And were you ever taken +prisoner and had your house burned by the British?" + +Bob was a great patriot, and on Saturdays practised shooting in the +attic with a bow and arrow, to perfect himself against the time of his +attaining to man's estate, when he fully intended to collect an army and +make an invasion on England. As an earnest of his hostile intentions, he +had already broken all the windows on that floor, and nearly +extinguished the eye of Betty, the chambermaid. To both of these +questions my grandmother replied in the negative, for she happened to +come into the world just after the Revolution; but in answer to Bob's +look of disappointment, she promised to tell him something about it in +the course of her narrative. + +"My two most prominent faults," said she, "were vanity and curiosity, +and these both led me into a great many scrapes, which I shall endeavor +to relate for your edification. I shall represent them just as they +really were, and if I do not make especial comments on each separate +piece of misconduct, it is because I leave you to judge for yourselves, +by placing them in their true light. I shall not tell you the year I was +born in," she continued, "for then there would be a counting on certain +little fingers to see how old grandmamma is now. When I was a child--a +_very_ young one--I used to say that I remembered very well the day on +which I was born, for mother was down stairs frying dough-nuts. This +nondescript kind of cake was then much more fashionable for the +tea-table than it is at the present day. My mother was quite famous for +her skill in manufacturing them, and my great delight was to superintend +her operations, and be rewarded for good behavior with a limited +quantity of dough, which I manufactured into certain uncouth images, +called 'dough-nut babies.' Sometimes these beloved creations of genius +performed rather curious gymnastics on being placed in the boiling +grease--such as twisting on one side, throwing a limb entirely over +their heads, &c.; while not unfrequently a leg or an arm was found +missing when boiled to the requisite degree of hardness. But sometimes, +oh, sad to relate! my fingers committed such unheard-of depredations in +the large bowl or tray appropriated by my mother, that I was sentenced +to be tied in a high chair drawn close to her side, whence I could +quietly watch her proceedings without being able to assist her. + +I know that our home was situated in a pleasant village which has long +since disappeared in the flourishing city; the house was of white brick, +three stories high, with rooms on each side of the front entrance. A +large and beautiful flower-garden was visible from the back windows; and +beyond this was a still larger fruit-garden, the gate of which was +generally locked, while a formidable row of nails with the points up, +repelled all attempts at climbing over the fence. The peaches, and +plums, apricots, nectarines, grapes, cherries, and apples were such as I +have seldom, if ever, seen since. My lather was wealthy, and my earliest +recollections are connected with large, handsomely-furnished rooms, +numerous servants, massive plate, and a constant succession of +dinner-parties and visitors. How often have I watched the servants as +they filled the decanters, rubbed the silver, and made other +preparations for company, while I drew comparisons between the lot of +the favored beings for whom these preparations were made, and my own, on +being condemned to the unvarying routine of the nursery. Childhood then +appeared to me a kind of penance which we were doomed to undergo--a sort +of imprisonment or chrysalis, which, like the butterfly, left us in a +fairy-like and beautiful existence. Little did I then dream of the +cares, and toils, and troubles from which that happy season is exempt. +My father realized in his own person, to the fullest extent, all the +traditionary legends of old English hospitality; he hated everything +like parsimony--delighted to see his table surrounded with visitors--and +in this was indulged to the extent of his wishes; for day after day +seemed to pass in our being put out of sight, where we could witness the +preparations going on for other people's entertainment. + +The presiding goddess in our region of the house was a faithful and +attached old nurse, whom we all called 'Mammy.' Although sometimes a +little sharp, as was necessary to keep such wild spirits in order, the +old nurse was invariably kind, and even indulgent. It was well indeed +for us that she was so, for we were left almost entirely to her +direction, and saw very little of any one else. Mammy's everyday attire +consisted of a calico short-gown, with large figures, and a stuff +petticoat, with a cap whose huge ruffles stood up in all directions; +made after a pattern which I have never since beheld, and in which the +crown formed the principal feature. But this economical dress was not +for want of means; for Mammy's wardrobe boasted several silk gowns, and +visitors seldom stayed at the house without making her a present. On +great occasions, she approached our beau-ideal of an empress, by +appearing in a black silk dress lace collar, and gold repeater at her +side. This particular dress Mammy valued more highly than any of the +others, for my father had brought it to her, as a present, from Italy, +and the pleasant consciousness of being recollected in this manner by +her master was highly gratifying to the old nurse. + +I was an only daughter, with several wild brothers, and I often thought +that Mammy displayed most unjust partiality. For instance, there was +Fred who never did anything right--upset his breakfast, dinner, and +tea--several times set the clothes-horse, containing the nursery +wardrobe, in a blaze--was forever getting lost, and, when sought for, +often found dangling from a three-story window, hanging on by two +fingers, and even one--who would scarcely have weighed a person's life +in the scale with a successful joke--and always had a finger, foot, or +eye bound up as the result of his hair-brained adventures. I really +believe that Mammy bestowed all a mother's affection on this wild, +reckless boy; he seldom missed an opportunity of being impertinent, and +yet Mammy invariably said that 'Fred had a saucy tongue, but a good +heart.' This _good-heartedness_ probably consisted in drowning kittens, +worrying dogs, and throwing stones at every bird he saw. Fred always had +the warmest seat, the most thickly-buttered bread and the largest piece +of pie. I remember one day on watching Mammy cut the pie, I observed, as +usual, that she reserved the largest piece. + +"Who is that for?" I enquired, although perfectly aware of its intended +destination. + +"O, no one in particular," replied Mammy. + +"Well then" said I, "I believe I'll take it." + +"There! there!" exclaimed Mammy, pointing her finger at me, "See the +greedy girl! Now you shall not have it, just for asking for it." The +disputed piece was immediately deposited on Fred's plate; and from that +day forth I gave up all hopes of the largest piece of pie. + +O, that Fred was an imp! There was nothing in the shape of mischief, +which he would not do. If left to amuse the baby, he often amused +himself by tying a string to its toe, and every now and then giving it a +sudden pull. The child would cry, of course, and, on the approach of any +one, Master Fred sat looking as demure as possible, while trying to keep +his little brother quiet. The string would then be twitched again for +his own private edification; and it was sometime before the trick was +discovered. My brother Henry had at one time several little chickens, of +which he became very fond. Day after day he fed, admired, and caressed +them; and Fred, who never could bear to see others happy long, began to +revolve in his own mind certain plans respecting the chickens. One by +one they disappeared, until the number decreased alarmingly; but no +traces of them could be found. We were questioned, but, as all denied +the charge, the culprit remained undiscovered, although strong +suspicions rested on Fred. At last the indignant owner came upon him one +day, as he stood quietly watching the struggles of two little chickens +in a tub of water. Henry bitterly exclaimed against this cruelty, but +Fred innocently replied that "he had no hand in the matter; he had +thought, for some time, how much prettier they would look swimming like +ducks, and therefore tried to teach them--but the foolish things +persisted in walking along with their eyes shut, and so got drowned." + +But one of Fred's grand _coup-d'oeils_ was the affair of the +cherry-pie. In those days ladies attended more to their household +affairs than they do at present; and my mother, an excellent +housekeeper, was celebrated for her pastry--cherry-pies in particular. +It was the Fourth of July; the boys were released from school, and +roaming about in quest of mischief as boys always are--and, as a rare +thing, we had no company that day, except my aunt, who had come from a +distance on a visit to my mother, while my father had gone to return one +of the numerous visits paid him. Cherry-pie was a standing dish at our +house with which to celebrate the Declaration of Independence. The +servants had all gone out for a holiday, no dinner was cooked, and the +sole dependence was on the cherry-pie. + +They sat down to dinner, and I heard my mother say: "Now, sister Berthy, +I really hope you will enjoy this pie, for I bestowed extra pains upon +it, and placed it up in the bed-room pantry out of the boys' reach, who +are very apt to nibble off the edge of the crust. This time, I see, they +have not meddled with it." + +The pie was cut; but alas! for the hollowness of human triumphs; the +knife met a wilderness of crust and vacancy, but no cherries. The +bed-room pantry had a window opening on a shed, and into that window +Fred, the scape-grace, had adroitly climbed, carefully lifted the upper +crust from the cherished pie, and abstracted all the cherries. My mother +locked him up, for punishment, but having unfortunately selected a sort +of store-room pantry, he made himself sick with sweetmeats, broke all +the jars he could lay hands on, and, finally, discovering a pair of +scissors, he worked at the lock, spoiled it, and let himself out. + +At one time, being rather short of cash, he helped himself to a +five-dollar bill from my mother's drawer; but even _his_ conscience +scarcely resting under so heavy an embezzlement, he got it changed, took +half a dollar, and then put the rest back in the drawer. This +considerateness led to a discovery; they all knew that no one but Fred +would have been guilty of so foolish, and at the same time so dishonest +a thing. + +My favorite brother was Henry; just three years older than myself, +manly, amiable, and intellectual in his tastes, he appeared to me +infinitely superior to any one I had ever seen; and we two were almost +inseparable. In winter he always carried me to school on his sled, saw +that Fred did not rob me of my dinner, and was always ready to explain a +difficult lesson. He was an extremely enterprising boy, with an +inexhaustible fund of ingenuity and invention; but, like most geniuses, +received more blame than praise. When quite small he constructed a sort +of gun made of wood, which would discharge a small ball of paper, +pebble, &c. This became a very popular plaything in the nursery, and for +once the inventor received due praise, on account of its keeping the +children so quiet. But one day Fred undertook to teach the year old baby +the art of shooting with it; and with a small corn for a bullet, he +placed the toy in the child's hands, turning the mouth the wrong way. +The young soldier pulled the trigger in delight, and by some strange +mischance, the corn flew up his nose. The doctor was hastily brought, +the child relieved with a great deal of difficulty, the dangerous +plaything burned, and poor Henry sent to coventry for an unlimited time. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +We had a girl named Jane Davis whom my mother had brought up from +childhood. At the period to which I refer, she could not have been more +than fourteen, and as she was always good-humored and willing to oblige, +she became a general favorite. Often, in the early winter evenings, with +the nursery as tidy as hands could make it, (for Mammy, although not an +old maid, was a mortal enemy to dirt and slovenliness) we all gathered +round the fire, while the old nurse and Jane spun out long stories, +sometimes of things which had happened to them, sometimes of things +which had happened to others, and often of things that never did or +could happen to anybody. But I must do them the justice to say, that +although they sometimes related almost impossible occurrencies, they +never, on any one occasion, took advantage of their influence over us to +enforce our obedience by frighful tales of old men with bags, who seem +to have an especial fancy for naughty children. The nearest approach +that Mammy ever made to anything of this kind was to tell us, when we +began to look sleepy, that the sandman had been along and filled our +eyes. On receiving this information, we generally retired peaceably to +bed, without being haunted by any fears of ghost or goblin. + +There was a wealthy and fashionable family who lived just opposite, +consisting of a widower, his sister, and two children--a son and +daughter. They lived in most extravagant style, and Jane positively +assured us that the housekeeper had told her with her own lips that +there was no end to Mr. Okeman's wealth, and that he even made his +daughter eat bank-bills on her bread and butter! Whether the son was +exempted from this disagreeable performance we never thought of +inquiring; but our awe rose ten percent, for a girl who was so rich as +absolutely to devour money. On being divulged, this grand secret amused +the inmates of the drawing-room very much, and our parents could +scarcely command their countenances to undeceive us. + +Jane Davis remained with us as nursery-maid until she was eighteen, when +my mother, who was always extremely kind to servants and dependants, +placed her at a trade, and supported her comfortably until she learned +enough to support herself. She afterwards married a carpenter, who +always performed for my father those odd jobs that are constantly +required in a house, and they came to live in a kind of cottage at the +end of the garden. They there commenced farming on a small scale, and +often supplied us with milk, eggs, poultry, &c. + +Mammy was a firm believer in signs of good and evil import; thus, if, in +dropping the scissors, they stood up erect on the point, she always said +that visitors were coming--a sign that rarely failed, as we were seldom +a day without them. Once I had wished very much for a large wax-doll. My +dreams were beautified with waxen images of immense size, whose china +blue eyes, long flaxen curls, and rosy cheeks, presented a combination +of charms that took my heart by storm. I sat one night, as usual, by the +nursery fire; my thoughts fixed on this all-engrossing subject, when I +ventured to communicate them to Mammy, and ask her if she thought I ever +would become the enviable possessor of such a doll. + +"I don't know," replied Mammy at first, "I think it's very doubtful. But +come here," she added, "and let me see your hand." + +After an examination, Mammy pronounced with an air of great mystery that +circumstances were propitious, and she was almost convinced beyond a +doubt that ere long the doll would be mine. She then pointed out to me a +small white spot on my left thumb nail, which she said always denoted a +present. I was rather incredulous at first, not conceiving that so +brilliant a dream could be realized; but after a while the doll actually +made its appearance, and I began to regard Mammy as something little +short of a witch, and became far more tractable in consequence of my +increased awe. + +Jane's stories, as well as Mammy's always began with "Once upon a time +there were two sisters;" one was represented as plain-looking, but +amiable--the other beautiful, but a very Zantippe in temper. By some +wonderful combination of circumstances, the elder lost her beauty and +ugliness at the same time--when some good fairy always came along, who, +by a magic touch of her wand, made both the sisters far more lovely than +the elder had been. Beauty was always the burden of the tale; people who +were not beautiful met with no adventures, and seemed to lead a hum-drum +sort of life; therefore, I insensibly learned to regard this wonderful +possession as something very much to be desired. I believe I was quite a +pretty child, with dark bright eyes, red lips, and a pair of very rosy +cheeks. I spent considerable time before the glass, and both Mammy and +Jane began to fear the effects of vanity. Often and often would the old +nurse say: "You needn't stand before the glass, Miss Amy--there is +nothing to look at," or when in a bad humor, "Don't make such faces, +child--you have no beauty to spare," and I can very well remember how +both would endeavor to persuade me that I was the most veritable little +fright that ever existed, and quite a bugbear to my relations. + +"What a pity," Jane would commence, as she saw me surveying myself with +an air of infinite satisfaction, "what a pity it is that Miss Amy has +such a dark, ugly skin--almost like an Indian, isn't it, nurse?" + +I had eyes to judge for myself, and knew that I was much fairer than +either Mammy or Jane; and somebody had remarked in my presence: "What a +lovely neck and shoulders!" therefore I generally remained perfectly +quiet while listening to these inuendoes. + +"Yes," Mammy would reply, "a very great pity--but an amiable temper, +Miss Amy, is more than looks; you must try and cultivate that, to make +up for your want of beauty." + +"And then," continued Jane, "only see how perfectly straight her hair +is! not a sign of curl, nor even a twist!--and black eyes have such a +wicked kind of a look; they always remind me of cannibals." + +Jane's eyes were as blue and bright as glass beads, while Mammy's, I +thought, approached a green, but with my own I felt perfectly satisfied; +for a lady had remarked in my presence what beautiful eyes I +had--adding that "dark eyes were so much more expressive than blue; blue +ones were so very insipid looking." The observation about my hair, +though, was only too correct, and touched me most sensibly. While most +of the other children possessed those soft, flowing curls, so beautiful +in childhood, mine obstinately refused to wave; and was, to use Jane's +expression, "as straight and as stiff as a poker." I had endeavored to +remedy this as far as lay in my power, and one day set my hair in a +blaze, while curling it with a very hot pipe-stem. I was, in +consequence, deemed one of the most abandoned of the nursery inmates; +and found myself minus at least one half of the hair I had hitherto +possessed. + +I really believe that both Jane and Mammy sincerely hoped to eradicate +my besetting sin, by such blunt remarks as the former; but no course +could have been less wise than the one which they took. I knew very well +that I was neither a fright, an Indian, nor a cannibal; and the pains +which they took to convince me to the contrary led me to give myself +credit for much more beauty than I really possessed. I also regarded +amiability as a virtue of very small account; and supposed that those +who practised it, only did so because they possessed neither beauty, +grace, nor anything else to recommend them. + +A great source of annoyance to me was my dress. As I was an only +daughter, some mothers, with the same means, would have enhanced my +attractions with all the aid of ornament, and established me as a +permanent divinity of the drawing-room, whom all must bow to and flatter +as they entered its precincts. But, although fond of display, and +surrounded with all the appliances of wealth, the taste of my parents +never did run much on dress; and I often felt mortified at my +inferiority to others in this respect. Such articles were then much +dearer, and more in vogue than at the present day, and a blue Circassian +formed my entire stock of gala dresses, and went the rounds of all the +children's parties I attended; my mother seemed to think, (with respect +to me, at least,) that as long as a dress was clean and in good repair, +there was no need of a change--she left nothing to the pleasure of +variety. There appeared to be an inexhaustible store of the same +material in a certain capacious drawer; did an elbow give out, a new +sleeve instantly supplied its place--did I happen to realize the ancient +saying: "There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip," and make my +lap the recipient of some of the goodies provided for us at our +entertainments, the soiled front breadth disappeared, and was replaced +by another, fresh and new--did the waist grow short, it was made over +again--there verily seemed to be no end to the dress; I came to the +conclusion that blue Circassian was the most ugly material ever +invented, and often found myself calculating how many yards there might +be left. + +My school hats always looked the worse for wear, and my Sunday ones were +not much better; but once my mother took me to the city, and bought me, +for school, a far handsomer hat than I had hitherto worn for best, and a +still better one for great occasions. Here I, who scarcely ever looked +decent about the upper story, actually had two new hats at once! The +best one, I remember, was a round gipsy flat, then altogether the +fashion; and the first Sunday I put it on I made a perfect fool of +myself by twisting my hair in strings, intended to pass for natural +ringlets, and allowing said strings to hang all around beneath the brim +of my hat. Mamma was sick and confined to her room, and I managed to +appear at church with this ridiculous head-gear. People certainly stared +a little, but this my vanity easily converted into looks of admiration +directed towards my new hat, and perhaps also my improved beauty--and +came home more full of self-complacency than ever. + +I have before mentioned that beyond the house there was a large +fruit-garden, respecting which, my father's orders were especially +strict. He expressly forbade our touching any of the fruit unless he +gave us permission; and nothing made him more angry than to have any +gathered before it was quite ripe. It certainly requires a child whose +principle of honesty is a very strong one, to pass every day in full +view of an endless bed of ripening strawberries, whose uncommon size and +luscious hue offered so many temptations. But bad as I was, I think I +was generally pretty honest, and resisted the temptation to the best of +my ability. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +I think I was about five years old, when one bright May morning my +brother Henry received especial instructions to be careful of me, and +see that I fell into no mischief on the occasion of my first day at +school. The luncheon-basket was packed with twice the usual quantity of +sandwiches, into which Mammy slyly tucked a small paper of sweet things +as a sort of comforter, with repeated injunctions to Henry not to make a +mistake and confiscate them for his own private use. A superfluous +caution--for Henry was the most generous little fellow that ever lived; +and was far more likely to fall short himself than that others should +suffer through him. Both Jane and Mammy kissed me repeatedly. I had on a +new dress of light, spotted calico, and a straw hat, with a green +ribbon, and a deep green silk cape--underneath the binding of my apron a +small handkerchief had been carefully pinned--a small blue-covered book, +and a slate with a long, sharp-pointed pencil tied on with a red cord, +were placed in my hands; and from these ominous preparations, and the +uncommon kindness of every one around, I concluded that I was at last to +meet with some adventure--perhaps to suffer martyrdom of some kind or +other. + +Poor Jane! My great passion was for beads, and when she perceived, from +various indications, that I was not exactly pleased with the change, she +ran up stairs, hastily loosened a whole string from a cherished +necklace, and returning quickly, slipped them into my hand. My mother +also came into the nursery to see that I was perfectly neat, kissed me +affectionately as she whispered to me to be a good girl and learn to +read, and with a strange, undefined sensation at my heart, I found +myself in the street with my hand fast locked in that of Henry. It was +that lovely season of the year when the fruit-trees are all in bloom; +and the sweet, flower-laden breeze, the busy hum of human life that rose +around, and the bounding, restless spirit of childhood, made me shrink +from the bondage I was about to enter. + +The school-house was a very pretty cottage with a trellised front of +bean-vines and honeysuckle; and when I entered I found, to my great +surprise, that Miss Sewell, the teacher, looked very much like other +people. There were two moderate-sized rooms, opening into each other, in +one of which Mr. Sewell superintended several desks of unruly boys--in +the other, his daughter directed the studies of about twenty little +girls. There were some large girls seated at the desks, who appeared to +me so very antiquated that I was almost afraid to hazard an idea +respecting their ages; and had I been asked how old they were, should +probably have replied 'at least fifty;' although I do not now suppose +the eldest was more than fourteen. + +Rather stunned by the buzz and noise of the classes reciting, and very +much puzzled as to my own probable destiny, I began to climb the hill +of knowledge. I said my letters; and Miss Sewell, having found that I +knew them pretty well, (thanks to Mammy's patient teaching), allowed me +to spell in _a-b, ab_, and _b-a, ba_, and set me some straight marks on +my slate. I met with nothing remarkable during my first day at school; +and on my return informed Mammy, as the result of my studies, that two +and one make four. Nor could I be persuaded to the contrary; for, +although I had been taught by the old nurse to count as far as ten, on +being examined by Miss Sewell, either bashfulness or obstinacy prevented +me from displaying the extent of my knowledge--and, while endeavoring to +explain to me how many one and one make, she had said: "There is one, to +begin with; well now, one more makes two," therefore as one made two in +this case, I supposed it did in every other. + +I learned to love the mild countenance of Miss Sewell, with her plain +dark hair and soft eyes, and was never happier then when she was invited +to tea; for then I was emancipated from the nursery and placed beside +her at table. I dearly loved to take her fruit and flowers; and white +lilies, roses, honey-suckles, and the most admired productions of our +garden were daily laid on Miss Sewell's table. For rewards we had a +great many wide, bright-colored ribbons, which were tied upon our arms, +that every one might see them as we went home; and she who could boast a +variety of ribbons was known to have been perfect in all her lessons. +Those who had fallen into disgrace were distinguished by a broad band +passed around the head, on the front of which was written in large +characters the name of the misdemeanor. + +One morning I had been rather negligent, and, having my suspicions as to +the consequence, told Mammy of my fears, and my dread of the disgrace. +The old nurse's anger even exceeded mine; she declared that her child +should not be treated so, and advised me to snatch it off and tear it to +pieces. I went to school, not having exactly made up my mind whether to +follow this advice or not; but my afternoon lessons fully made up for +the deficiency of the morning, and I escaped the dreaded punishment. I +had gone with several companions to the closet in which we deposited +our hats and shawls, and while engaged in the process of robing, I heard +a very loud voice talking in great excitement, and one which I +immediately recognised. I overheard Mammy exclaiming: "Where is my +child? Has she got that horrid thing on her head? I want to take it off +before she goes home." + +Blushing with mortification, as I noticed the tittering of the +school-girls, called forth by the loud tone and strange figure of the +old nurse, who had rushed into the room in her usual attire of +short-gown and petticoat, I came hastily forward, and was immediately +seized by Mammy, who exclaimed in surprise: "Why, I though you said you +were going to have that thing on your head! I was determined that no +child of mine should wear it, so I came after you to take it off." + +Mammy was one of the most independent persons I ever saw; she cared for +no one's frown, and poured forth the whole love of her warm Irish heart +upon us--tormenting and troublesome as we were. Sometimes she sung to us +of "Acushla machree" and "Mavourneen," and Mammy's Irish songs were +especial favorites with the young fry of the nursery. When we were +particularly obstreperous, she threatened to go away and leave us, and +never come back again; a threat which always produced copious showers of +tears, and promises of better behavior. Often have I watched her in +dismay as she dressed herself to go out--fearful that she would really +put her threat in execution, especially as conscience whispered that I +deserved it. At such times, nothing pacified me except the deposit of +her spectacles; when once the case was lodged in my possession, I felt +sure of Mammy--knowing that she could not stay long without them. +Sometimes she would tell us of her life in Ireland; but no act did she +more bitterly deplore than her marriage; complaining that the object of +her choice was far from what he appeared to be when she married him--and +further observing that as he turned out a very bad speculation, and +never gave her anything but a thimble, she wisely left him to his own +society, and emigrated to America. + +Mammy very often kept the key of the fruit-garden; and as she never +yielded it to our entreaties, the ever-ready Fred formed a conspiracy +one Sunday afternoon, in which, I am sorry to say, I took a very +conspicuous part--the object of which was to purloin the key, and enjoy +at last this long-coveted, forbidden pleasure. Fred actually succeeded +in abstracting it from Mammy's capacious pocket, and in high glee we +proceeded to the garden. It was in the time of peaches; there hung the +lucious fruit in such profusion, that the trees were almost borne down +by its weight. We ate till we could eat no longer; and then, happening +to see two or three men passing along, we threw some over the fence to +them. They, in return, threw us some pennies; and, delighted with the +success of our frolic, we continued to throw and receive, until startled +by a most unwelcome apparition. There, at the foot of the tree, stood +Mammy--her face expressing the utmost astonishment and indignation, and +her hands extended to seize us. She had watched our manoeuvres from one +of the windows, and astonishment at our boldness and ingenuity kept her +for sometime a silent spectator. But Mammy was not apt to be _silent_ +long while witnessing our misdeeds; and in an incredible short space of +time she gained the use of both her feet and her tongue. Our companions +caught a glimpse of flying drapery rapidly advancing, and rather +suddenly made their retreat; while we, now trembling, detected culprits, +took up a line of march for the house. + +Not so, Fred; defying Mammy to capture him, and laughing at her dismay, +he started off on a run, and she after him in full pursuit. We watched +the chase from the nursery-window; and as Fred was none of the thinnest, +and Mammy somewhat resembled a meal-bag with a string tied round the +middle, it proved to be quite exciting. But it was brought to an +untimely end by the apparition of a pair of spectacles over the fence; +said spectacles being the undisputed property of a middle-aged +gentleman--a bachelor, who, we suspected, always stayed home from church +on Sunday afternoons to keep the neighbors in order. With +horror-stricken eyes he had beheld only the latter part of the scene, +and conceiving the old nurse to be as bad as her rebellious charge, he +called out from his garden, which communicated with ours: + +"My good woman, do you know that this is Sunday?--Depend upon it, a +person of your years would feel much better to be quietly reading in +your own apartment, than racing about the garden in this unseemly +manner." + +Poor Mammy! she was well aware of this before; flushed, heated, and +almost overcome with fatigue, she looked the very picture of +uncomfortableness; and this last aggravation increased the feeling to a +tenfold degree. At that moment, Fred, unconsciously, stumbled into her +very arms; she looked up--the spectacles had disappeared--and convinced +of this fact, she bore him in triumph to the nursery. + +We had all expected personal chastisement, at the very least, but we +were thrown into a greater degree of horror and dismay than could well +be conceived; Mammy placed her spectacles in her pocket, collected her +valuables, and put on her hat and things, to take passage for Ireland. +We hung about her in every attitude of entreaty--acknowledged our +misdemeanors, promised amendment, and an entire confession of all the +sins we had ever perpetrated. I do think we must have remained upon our +knees at least half an hour; never had Mammy seemed so hard-hearted +before, and we began to think that she might be in earnest after all. We +begged her to whip us--lock us up--anything but leave us; and at last +she relented. She told us that she considered us the most abandoned +children that ever were born; and wished that she had two additional +eyes at the back of her head to watch our movements. We promised to +spend the afternoon in learning hymns and verses; and Mammy, having +taken her position in the large easy-chair, with a footstool at her +feet, tied Fred to one of the legs, as he sat on a low bench at her +side, and made us all study. We succeeded pretty well; although +considerably terrified at the sharp looks which Mammy from time to time +bestowed upon us. + +In the evening came the promised confession; and both Mammy and Jane +were rendered almost dumb by these dreadful instances of depravity. Such +secret and unsuspected visits to the store-room pantry--such +conspiracies against locks and bolts--such scaling of walls, and +climbing in at windows, were never heard of before. I rather suspected +Fred to have drawn upon his imagination for instances of the marvellous, +for such adventures as he related never could have been met with; but +Mammy and Jane believed it all. At the conclusion, the old nurse seemed +very much disposed to punish us at once for all these united +misdemeanors--and was only prevented by our remonstrating upon the plea +of a voluntary confession. + +That night I lay awake, pretending to sleep, and heard Mammy and her +satellite discussing our conduct in all its enormity. Considerably +influenced by their unaffected horror and astonishment, the thought for +the first time rushed upon my mind, that perhaps I might be much worse +than other people. It troubled me considerably; I found it impossible to +sleep, and following a good impulse, I crept softly out of bed, and +falling on my knees before Mammy, whispered to her to pray for me. There +must have been a very different expression on my countenance from its +usual one; for I afterwards heard the old nurse tell Jane that I +reminded her of an angel. I felt utterly miserable; and sobbing +convulsively, I begged Mammy to pray, not that I might have a new heart, +but that I might live a great while. I had begun to fear speedy +punishment for my misdemeanors. The old nurse, (although a really pious +woman), seemed quite at a loss how to proceed; and Jane, coming forward, +took me kindly by the hand, and reasoned with me on my conduct with all +the wisdom of riper years and a higher education. After convincing me +that I should ask, not for an increased number of years, but for a new +heart and temper, she knelt down with me and repeated the Lord's prayer. + +The scene is indelibly impressed upon my memory; for although I have +since witnessed scenes containing more stage effect, and quite as +melting, I never in my life remember to have been so affected as, with +Jane's arm around me, and the light of the nursery-lamp shining upon our +kneeling figures, I distinctly heard Mammy's sobs, as she repeated each +word with a peculiar intonation of reverence. I felt a respect for the +young girl ever afterwards; and as I clasped my arms about her neck and +pressed a warm kiss on her cheek, as I bade her good-night, the tone of +my voice must have been unusually tender--for I saw tears come into her +eyes as she asked Mammy if she was not afraid, from my flushed cheeks, +that I had some fever. Although petulant, and even violent when roused, +I had a warm, loving heart, capable of the most unbounded affection; and +from that time forth Jane and I never had a single dispute. She had +appeared to me in a new light on that Sabbath eve; and with my hand +locked in hers, I fell into a sweet, dreamy sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +One of my great troubles, and one too which I regarded in a pretty +serious light, was the obeisance I had been taught to make on meeting +"the minister's wife." I never came within view of this formidable +personage that I did not hesitate and tremble; while I looked wildly +around, in the vain hope of discovering a place of refuge. After +performing my awkward courtesy, I usually hastened on as fast as +possible, being oppressed with a most uncomfortable sensation of awe in +the presence of Mrs. Eylton. This was occasioned by the quiet observance +which I, like other children, took of the conduct of those around me. +Everything in the house seemed to be at her command; if Mrs. Eylton sent +for a thing she must have it immediately; and I drew my conclusions +that "the minister's wife" was a sort of petty sovereign, placed over +the town or village in which she resided, and that all we possessed was +held under her. + +Almost every day brought a request from Mrs. Eylton for the loan of some +article in our possession; a repetition of which would naturally lead +one to conclude that ministers merely procured a house, and then +depended for everything else on the charity of the public. This +borrowing mania appeared to gather strength from indulgence, for none of +the neighbors would refuse, whatever the article might be; and our +waffle-iron, toasting-fork, Dutch-oven, bake-pan, and rolling-pin were +frequently from home on visits of a week's duration. On sending for our +muffin-rings or cake-pans, we often received a message to be expeditious +in our manufactures; that Mrs. Eylton could spare them for a day or so, +"but wanted to use them again very shortly." Our parents would buy such +conveniences, send them to the kitchen of Mrs. Eylton, and borrow them +from time to time, if in perfect accordance with that lady's +convenience. She would even borrow her neighbor's servants, and often at +very inconvenient times. Jane had often been sent for to take care of +the children; and the usual request came one afternoon that seemed to me +stamped with most remarkable events. + +We were in a kind of sitting-room on the ground-floor, and my father sat +writing at a small table near the window. A servant entered with the +announcement: "Mrs. Eylton, ma'am, wants to borrow Jane." + +An expression of vexation crossed my mother's countenance as she +remarked: "I do not know how I can possibly spare Jane this afternoon; +Mammy has gone out, and I do not feel inclined to attend to the children +myself." + +My father looked up from his writing as he observed: "Nor do I see the +necessity of your being troubled with them, Laura." + +"Not see the necessity!" exclaimed my mother, "How can I refuse the wife +of our minister? I would be willing to put up with some inconvenience +for Mr. Eylton's sake. Poor man! he has a hard time of it, with his +talents and refinement." + +"No doubt he has," said my father, pityingly; then, in a more merry +tone, he added: "But can you think of no other alternative, Laura, than +disobliging Mrs. Eylton, if you object to this juvenile infliction for a +whole long summer's afternoon?" + +My father was of a bolder, more determined character than my mother, and +had, withal, a spice of fun in his composition; and the expression of +his eyes now rendered her apprehensive of some sudden scheme that might +create a feeling of justifiable anger in Mrs. Eylton. + +"Dearest Arthur!" she exclaimed beseechingly, as she placed a soft hand +on his shoulder, "Do not, I beseech of you, put in execution any +outlandish plan respecting Mrs. Eylton!--Do let Jane go as usual; for +she is not one to understand a joke, I can assure you--she will be +offended by it." + +"And pray, madam," asked my father, with assumed gravity, "what has led +you to suppose that I intended making Mrs. Eylton the subject of a +joke? Away with you," he continued, with a mischievous look at those +pleading eyes, "Away with you, and let me do as I choose." + +Turning to the servant, he asked: "Mrs. Eylton has, I believe, requested +the loan of other articles besides our domestics--has she ever sent to +borrow any of the children?" + +"Indeed, and she has not, sir," replied the girl, with difficulty +repressing a laugh. + +"Well then," said he, "we will now send her both the article she +requested, and some articles which she did not request. Tell Jane to be +ready to go to Mrs. Eylton's with the children." + +"Yes sir," and the servant departed to execute her commission. + +"Arthur!" remonstrated my mother. + +"Not a word!" said my father gaily. "Children," he continued, "do you +wish to go? What says my madcap, Amy?" + +Madcap Amy, for once in her life, said nothing--being too much awed and +astonished to reply. To think that I should actually enter the house, +and be face to face with the formidable Mrs. Eylton? The idea was +appalling; and for sometime I sat biting my nails in thoughful silence. +It was so sudden, it had always appeared to me that a great deal must be +gone through with--a great many different degrees of intimacy +surmounted, before I should ever find myself within the house of Mrs. +Eylton; but here was I, without the least warning, to be transformed +from the bashful child, who made no sign of recognition save an awkward +courtesy, into the regular visitor--and for a whole afternoon! No wonder +I took so long to deliberate. Though not particularly remarkable for +bashfulness or timidity at home, and despite a character for violence +in, "fighting my own battles," to assert some infringed right, I +absolutely trembled at the idea of encountering strangers; and this +visit to Mrs. Eylton's appeared, to my excited mind, like thrusting +myself into the enemy's quarters. + +But then curiosity rose up in all its powers, to baffle my fear; I did +_so_ want to see how the house looked inside, and whether they really +had anything that was not borrowed! And then who knows, thought I, but +what Mrs. Eylton will show me the inside of some of her drawers? I dare +say she has a great many pretty things. There was nothing which gave me +greater delight than looking into other people's drawers, and turning +over those remnants of various things which are stored away in most +houses--in many for the mere love of hoarding. Mamma would sometimes +allow me to arrange certain little drawers containing jewelry, ribbons, +and odds and ends. But the charmed room in our house was one that was +always kept locked, and, from the circumstance of a green ribbon being +attached to the key, we called it "the green-ribbon room." + +Dear me! what a collection that room contained. There were several large +trunks that nearly covered the floor, besides boxes, and bags, and +bundles; and these were filled with cast-off clothes, silks, ribbons, +and bunches of artificial flowers and feathers. The room was not very +often opened; it was at the very top of the house, and lighted by a +large dormar-window; but as soon as mamma mounted the stairs, with the +key in her hand, the alarm was given: "Quick! mother is going to the +green-ribbon room!" and mamma's ears were immediately refreshed by the +sound of numerous little feet moving up stairs at locomotive speed, with +the ostensible purpose of assisting her in her researches--but in +reality, to be getting in her way, and begging for everything we saw. It +was, "Mamma, mayn't we have this?" or, "mayn't we have that?" or "Do say +yes, just this once; and we'll never ask you for anything again as long +as we live--never," a promise faithfully kept till next time. + +Mamma sometimes tried to go up very softly, in order to elude our +vigilance; but it wouldn't do. She often wondered how we found out that +that she was there, but we seldom missed an opportunity. Now and then a +dear little pitcher, or a vase of cream-colored ground with a wreath of +faint pink roses traced around it, or a cluster of bright-colored +flowers in the centre, arrested our attention, and called forth +rhapsodies of admiration. I supposed that everybody had just such a +room; and it was very probable, I thought, that Mrs. Eylton might chance +to open hers during our visit. Therefore I decided that, notwithstanding +my terror of the lady, a greater amount of pleasure might be obtained +by going there, than by staying at home. + +So Jane, with her own trim person as neat as possible, bore off her +charges to the nursery, in order, as she said, "to make us fit to be +seen." "Mrs. Eylton might see this," or "notice that," and I felt +uncomfortably convinced that Mrs. Eylton must possess the sharpest pair +of eyes it had ever been my misfortune to encounter. Finally, we set +off; I remember being dressed in a white frock, with a broad sash, and +experiencing a consciousness of looking remarkably well, in spite of my +hair--which, having obstinately repulsed all Jane's advances with tongs +and curl-papers, was suffered to remain in all its native straightness. + +It was summer, and a multiflora rose-vine, which extended over the front +of the parsonage, was then in full flower; while, as we mounted the +steps, I distinguished through the green blind door glimpses of a +pleasant-looking garden beyond. We entered the back parlor, where sat +Mrs. Eylton attired for a walk, and surrounded by three children, all +younger than myself. The minister's lady did not appear quite so +formidable on a close survey; though the aspect of her countenance was +by no means promising, as her eye fell upon us. + +"Well, Jane," she commenced, in the tone of one who felt herself +injured, "you have kept me waiting some time--how is this? Punctuality +is a virtue very becoming in a young person." + +Jane looked exceedingly disconcerted at this address; but at length she +replied, that "she could not get the children ready before." + +"_The children_!" repeated Mrs. Eylton; while, young as I was, I plainly +read in her countenance, "What possessed you to bring _them_ here?" + +"Yes ma'am," replied Jane, gathering more courage as she proceeded, +"Mrs. Chesbury sent them with me to spend the afternoon. She had no one +to attend to them at home." + +In the meantime I became aware, as I glanced around the room, that the +prospect for the afternoon promised very little amusement. Mrs. Eylton +soon after left us, telling Jane to be very careful that we got into no +mischief; and, with, a feeling of disappointment, I saw the door close +behind her. In my scenting of the apartment I became very much struck +with the appearance of a curious looking little work-stand, containing +three small drawers. Immediately my imagination was at work upon their +contents; and I determined, if possible, to satisfy my curiosity. Mrs. +Eylton had departed without making any provision for our amusement, and +I saw no reason why I should not examine the drawers--especially if I +handled things carefully, and put them all back again. Probably they +were in disorder, and then what a pleasant surprise it would be for Mrs. +Eylton to find them all neatly arranged on her return! + +Jane now proposed walking in the garden; and to avoid suspicion, I +joined the party for the present. There were a great many flower-beds, +very prettily laid out; and at the end of a wide path stood a pleasant +little summer-house, half-buried in vines. We established ourselves +there, from whence we could view the whole garden; and with a pretence +of looking again at the flowers, I soon made my escape, and returned to +the house. A wide glass-door opened from the back room into the garden, +and carefully closing this, I approached the table and attempted to open +the drawers. I tried the first one,--it was locked; the second,--and met +with no better success. Almost in despair, I placed my hands on the +third, and that finally yielded to my efforts. I beheld heterogeneous +rows of pins, papers of needles, &c., and was about to shut it in +disappointment, when my glance fell on a small box. Small, +mysterious-looking boxes always possessed a talismanic attraction in my +eyes; and the next moment I was busily at work examining the contents. +The round lid lifted, I found my gaze irresistibly fascinated by a +child's face, with fair, curling hair, and azure eyes. But the great +beauty lay in its expression; that was so calm, holy, and serene, that I +felt insensibly better as I gazed upon it. It was a peculiar face; and I +became so wrapt in its contemplation as to lose all hearing of what +passed around, until a step sounded close beside me. + +I looked up, and fairly trembled with terror and dismay. There stood +Mr. Eylton, gazing on me in surprise, as if quite at a loss what to make +of the circumstance; but as his eye fell upon the picture, I noticed +that an expression of sadness crossed his countenance. Not knowing what +to do with myself, and almost ready to sink through the floor with +shame, I stood with bowed head and burning cheeks, the very picture of +mortification. But there was no trace of anger in Mr. Eylton's tone, as, +kindly taking me by the hand, he drew me towards him and asked me my +name. I answered as well as I could; and still holding the picture, +remained in silent consternation. Mr. Eylton took it from my hand, and +sighed as he bent a deep, loving gaze upon the fair face. + +Prompted by a sudden impulse, I raised my eyes to his, as I enquired: +"Can you tell me where that little girl is now? I should _so_ like to +see her!" + +"In heaven, I trust," replied Mr. Eylton, while his voice slightly +faltered, and a tear stood in his eye. "She was my daughter, Amy--she +died some years ago, when very young." + +I felt almost ready to cry myself, when told that she was dead, and +gazed lingeringly upon the portrait as Mr. Eylton closed the box; and +placing it in the drawer, he returned to me again. + +"But, my dear child," said he suddenly, "Why did you open the drawer? Do +you not know that it was extremely improper?" + +"I did _so_ want to see what was in it!" was my rejoinder. + +Mr. Eylton seemed puzzled at first by this reply; but probably +perceiving that I had been too much left to myself, he proceeded to +explain, in clear and concise words, the nature and tendency of my +fault. "This curiosity, my dear child, is an improper state of feeling +which should not be indulged in. Suppose," continued he, "that on +looking into this drawer, you had perceived some article which you +immediately felt a great desire to possess; yielding to the temptation +of curiosity would thus lead to the sin of covetousness, and perhaps the +crime of theft might be also added. You would reason with yourself that +no one had seen you open the drawer, and forgetting the all-seeing Eye +which never slumbers, you might conclude that no one would know you took +the article which did not belong to you." + +The prospect of becoming a thief struck me with horror; and resolving +never again to meddle with other people's things, I begged Mr. Eylton to +forgive me, and entreated him not to inform Mrs. Eylton of my +misdemeanor. He smiled at the anxiety I displayed not to have it known; +and then taking a bunch of keys from a box, he proceeded to gratify my +curiosity with respect to the other drawers. These amply repaid an +investigation; containing numerous toys and trinkets of foreign +manufacture, among which were two or three small alabaster images. One +represented a beautiful greyhound in a reclining position; there was an +Italian image of the Virgin and Child; and some others which I have +almost forgotten. I was allowed to examine all these things at my +leisure; and when I departed, it was with a firm conviction that Mr. +Eylton was far more agreeable than his wife. + +Jane soon came in from the summer-house, after an unsuccessful search +for me through the garden, and was not a little surprised to find me +quietly established with Mr. Eylton. Towards sunset Mrs. Eylton +returned; and being graciously dismissed, we went home with the +impression that it had been altogether rather a curious visit. But the +afternoon dwelt in my memory like a golden gleam; and often I went over, +in imagination, that delightful investigation of Mrs. Eylton's drawers. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +We were generally besieged with visitors of all descriptions and +characters. My parents had one or two poor relations who made long stays +at every visit; and being generous, even to a fault, they loaded them +with presents at their departure, and invitations to come again. There +was one old lady, in particular, who engaged my fancy; she came to see +us quite often, and in the family went by the name of "Aunty Patton." +Aunty Patton was a widow, with very slender means; and boarded with a +married daughter, who had a large family of children, but very little to +support them on. Poor Aunty! she fared rather poorly at home, and did +_so_ seem to enjoy everything. She was particularly fond of fruit-cake; +and whenever she came, mamma took particular pains that this should be +one of the appliances of the tea-table. She possessed many wealthy +acquaintances and relations, and enjoyed visiting around among them very +much; praising everything that was set before her, and never +contradicting any one. It teemed impossible to put anything on the table +which she did not like; everything was "good," and "delightful," and +"just what she would have fancied." At length some cousin determined to +test her patience; and on one occasion, when the old lady happened to +dine there, the dishes, when uncovered, were found to contain nothing +but supaun and potatoes. + +"I am really sorry, Aunty Patton," began the hostess, "to be able to +offer you nothing better for dinner--but sometimes you know"-- + +"O," said Aunty, with rather a rueful look, "it'll _do_." + +Poor Aunty had that very day prepared herself for something uncommonly +nice in the way of dinner, and felt a little disappointed; but cousin +Emma soon restored her equanimity by a liberal display of fruit-cake and +other nice things, which presented themselves on opening the side-board +door. + +Aunty Patton had mild, winning kind of manners, and became a general +favorite in the nursery; probably on account of her always noticing us, +and pronouncing us "lovely little creatures." She appeared to me the +most heavenly-minded old lady I had ever seen; and I listened, with a +species of awe, to the long stories which she loved so dearly to relate +about everybody whom she visited. She was very short--not seeming to me +much taller than myself--and the cumbrous dress of the period was +calculated to make her appear much shorter. She would sit and relate +wonderful occurrences which seemed constantly taking place in her +daughter's family; one of the children would cut his foot, and for +sometime there would be danger of amputation--another urchin would upset +a kettle of scalding water on himself, and then he would be laid up for +sometime, while mamma turned the green-ribbon room topsy-turvy in her +searches after old linen--and once the daughter fell down stairs, and +was taken up for dead. They seemed to be an unfortunate family--always +meeting with hair-breadth escapes. Aunty Patton's reticule was always +well filled with good things on every occasion of her departure; and +very often a collection of money was added to the stock. + +Mamma sometimes endeavored to enlist our sympathies in benevolent +purposes. I remember, on one occasion, when I had been teasing sometime +for a new tortoise-shell comb to keep back my hair with, it suddenly +entered my head that it would be a well-disposed action to ask for some +money to give Aunty Patton. + +"Are you willing, Amy, to deny yourself anything," asked mamma, after I +had made my request, "in order that I may give this money to Aunty +Patton? It is no benevolence in you to ask me to give away money, unless +you are willing to do without something in consequence. If I give Aunty +Patton the five dollars that your comb will cost, are you willing to do +without it?" + +"Dear me," thought I, "being good is very expensive." I deliberated for +sometime, but finally answered, "No." My mother pressed the subject no +farther; but after a while I exclaimed with a comfortable feeling of +magnanimity; "Yes, dear mamma, you _may_ give Aunty Patton the five +dollars--and I'll get _papa_ to buy me the comb!" + +Mammy was a great judge of character, and when she once made up her mind +not to like a person, it was very difficult to make her change her +sentiments. My father once brought in a travelling clergyman, who +represented himself as very devout and unfortunate; and we all made +great efforts to entertain him. He was travelling West, he said, and +endeavoring to collect on the road sufficient money to pay his expenses. +My father invited him to remain with us a month; and he seemed very much +to enjoy the good things so liberally showered upon him--contriving at +the same time to render himself so agreeable that he quite won our +hearts. Mammy alone remained proof against his insinuations; he paid +assiduous court to her, and did his best to remove this unfavorable +impression, but the old nurse remained immovable. + +He once asked her for the key to the fruit-garden, when my parents were +both out; but Mammy stedfastly refused him. "She had orders," she said, +"not to let the key go out of her possession, and she didn't intend to +now." The wandering clergyman departed quite enraged; and reported +proceedings as soon as my father returned. He was very much displeased +at Mammy's obstinacy, and spoke quite warmly on the subject; but the old +nurse replied that "she didn't know but he might make off with half the +fruit in the garden--she didn't like the man's looks at any rate." + +I had then in my possession a little morocco pocket-book, a treasured +article, which I valued above all my other worldly goods. Sometime +before Christmas, I had observed it in a a shop-window with passionate +admiration; and on my return home, I threw out various hints and +inuendoes--scarcely hoping that they would be attended to. They were, +however; for on examining my stocking on the eventful morning, the +long-coveted pocket-book was found sticking in the toe--and what was +still better, well supplied with contents. I was in ecstasy for +sometime after; but wishing to do something to signalize myself, I now +placed it in the hands of the Rev. Mr. Motley for safe keeping. + +"Mark my words," said Mammy prophetically, "you'll never see a sign of +that pocket-book again." + +Alas! her words were but too true; circumstances came to light not very +favorable to the character of our visitor; and that very night the Rev. +Mr. Motley secretly decamped--mentioning in a note left behind, that +unlooked-for events had hastened his departure. My little pocket-book +accompanied him, as he quite forgot to return it; and Mammy's triumph +was almost as provoking as the loss. She had, however, with +characteristic caution, abstracted whatever money it contained; and the +reflection that the reverend gentleman had not gained much, gave her +considerable pleasure. The lesson taught me not to trust strangers again +too readily, and my father imbibed somewhat of a prejudice against +travelling clergymen in distress. Rev. Mr. Motley was never again heard +of. + +We once had a visit from a Captain Vardell, an acquaintance of my +father's, who had married a Spanish woman. This Captain had spent much +of his time at sea; roving about from place to place, until at length he +settled down for some years in Spain. He had no relations in America, +and but little money, so that of course my father's house, the usual +refuge of the needy and distressed, was at once his destination. He +appeared to us an indolent, good-natured kind of a man, and his wife +resembled him in the former quality, though quite deficient in the +latter. She could not speak a word of English, and would scold and rail +at her husband in Spanish for hours together. We did not understand what +she said, but we knew, by the flashing of those great black eyes and her +animated gestures, that her words were not words of love. She was a +large woman, with straight, black hair, that seemed to be always hanging +about her face, and rather handsome features. She spent most of her time +in playing jackstraws with us, or else lounging on the sofa; muttering +in rapid succession the words of a small prayer-book, which Captain +Vardell told us she always carried about her, as it had been consecrated +and given to her by a Spanish priest. She appeared to us very much like +a great overgrown baby; manifesting the most childish delight on winning +a game, and equally angry when defeated. Once, when in extreme +good-humor, she shewed us how to make beads resembling coral, from a +certain paste which she manufactured; but we never could extract from +her the names of the materials, and were obliged to content ourselves +with making them under her direction. + +Mrs. Vardell was so extremely lazy that she would never stoop to pick up +anything she had dropped. If her handkerchief or prayer-book fell to the +floor, she made motions for us to bring them to her; and when we +sometimes mischievously pretended not to understand these signs, she +would let the article remain until some one restored it to her. She +never seemed to experience the least emotion of gratitude, and received +all favors as a natural right. She was an extremely troublesome, +exacting visitor, and we were not at all sorry when the time of her +departure arrived. + +My father had exerted himself on their behalf, and at the end of their +visit handed Captain Vardell a handsome sum of money, collected from +among his merchant friends and acquaintances. People were much more +liberal then than now, and the case of the Vardells did not fail to call +forth their sympathy and generosity. The Spanish lady made her adieus, +if so they could be called, with an easy indifference--apparently +considering her fellow-mortals as machines invented for her sole use and +benefit. Captain Vardell presented us children with a handsome +collection of shells, picked up on foreign shores during his numerous +voyages; and some of them were very rare and beautiful. Most of them had +a delicate pink tinge, like the outer leaves of a just-blown rose; and +we amused ourselves fur a long time by arranging them in a glass-case +which my father gave us for the purpose. + +Among our visitors was an aunt of my mother's who lived in Waterford, +Connecticut; and being a widow, with quite a large farm to attend to, +her visits were never of long duration. I became very much attached to +her, for she often entertained us with long stories about the Revolution +and the aggressions of the British soldiers--about which you shall hear +when I come to tell you of the long visit I made there one summer. Aunt +Henshaw was very proud of her farm and farming operations; her cattle +and vegetables had several times won the prize at agricultural fairs, +and she boasted that her land produced more than any of her neighbors'; +who, being men, were of course expected to be more accomplished in such +matters. She appeared to delight in giving away things, and seldom made +us a visit without bringing something of her own raising. These little +presents my father always repaid tenfold; and Aunt Henshaw departed +without a new gown or hat, or something to show when she got home. I +believe that we generally anticipated more pleasure from her visits than +from any of the numerous friends who often favored us with +their company. + +But Aunt Henshaw, I must confess, won my heart less by her own +individual merits than a present she once made me, which actually +appeared to me like a windfall from the skies. I was always +inordinately fond of reading, and my predelictions for fairy tales +amounted to an actual passion. When Mammy and Jane's ingenuity had been +exhausted in framing instances of the marvellous for my special +gratification, I would often fold my hands before my face, to shut out +all actual scenes, and thus sit and dream of wonderful adventures with +fairies, witches, and enchanted princesses. I was always happier in a +reverie than in the company of others--my own ideals I could make as I +chose--the real I must take as I found it. Castle-building is a pleasant +but dangerous occupation; had I not been so much of an enthusiast, a +day-dreamer, it would have been better for my happiness. + +But to return to Aunt Henshaw and her present. Some school-mate one day +told me of the varied wonders contained in the "Arabian Kights." My +imagination, always excitable, became worked up to a high pitch by tales +of diamond caverns, flying horses, and mysterious Baloons under ground. +If I went to sleep, it was to dream of gardens more beautiful than +Paradise itself--of cooling fountains springing up at every step--of +all sorts of impossible fruits growing just where you wanted them--and +lamps and songs that gratified every wish. At length I could bear these +tantalizing visions of unattainable pleasure no longer; I put on my +bonnet and determined to go the whole rounds of the village until I met +with some success. People wondered what ailed me that afternoon; I +bolted directly into a room--asked if they had the Arabian Nights--and, +on being answered in the negative, went out as expeditiously as I had +gone in, and tried another acquaintance. I was not easily daunted, and +took each one in succession, but all to no purpose; I returned home, +fairly sick with disappointment, and hope delayed. + +The very next day Aunt Henshaw came down on a visit; and placing in my +hands an old-looking, leather-covered book, observed, "I happened to +come across this stowed away in an old chest, Amy, and knowing your +fondness for fairy tales, I have brought it for you to read." + +I scarcely heard what she said; I had glanced at the book, and on +seeing "Arabian Nights" traced in large gilt letters, the ground seemed +swimming before me, and I could scarcely contain my senses. Seizing the +beloved book, I made my escape as quickly as possible; and mounting up +to the cupola, a tiny room with glass sides, that commanded a view of +the country round, I effectually secured myself against interruption, +and soon became fascinated out of all remembrance. The day waned into +evening--the shadows deepened around--I remember fixing my eyes on a +brilliant star that seemed to come closer and closer, until it assumed a +strangely beautiful form, and I lost all consciousness. + +In the meantime a strict search for me had been going on below. They +began to be alarmed at my continued absence; and after examining every +room, the garden, and every spot on the premises, they sent around the +neighborhood. I was known to be extremely fond of visiting, and every +acquaintance was interrogated in turn--of course, without success. No +one had thought of the cupola, and mamma was getting fairly frightened; +when Mammy took a light, and on ascending to my dormitory, discovered me +fast asleep, with the book tightly clasped to my bosom. + +It afterwards yielded the boys as much delight as it had me; Fred, in +particular, had a notion of trying experiments upon the plan there laid +out. He had sat one afternoon for sometime with the book in his +hands--apparently resolving some problem in his own mind; Mammy was +stooping over the nursery fire, when she was suddenly startled by an +unexpected shower of water sprinkled over her head and neck--Fred at the +same time exclaiming, in a tone that seemed to doubt not: "I command you +instantly to turn into a coal black mare!" + +"I don't know what would become of you, you good-for-naught, if I did!" +returned Mammy. + +Some years later I read "The Children of the Abbey," and this opened a +new field of thought. My dreams, instead of being peopled with fairies +and genii, were now filled with distressed damsels who met with all +sorts of persecutions and Quixotic adventures, and finally ended where +they should have commenced. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +I had a boy-lover who always selected me as his partner in all our +plays, and kept me in pointers with blue ribbons attached to them, to +point out the towns on the large map in the school-room. Charles Tracy +was about my own age, but in disposition and taste he resembled my +brother Henry, and the two were quite inseparable; while his sister +Ellen and I formed an acquaintance through the fence by displaying our +dolls to each other--and this was the beginning of an intimacy that +lasted a long time for children's friendships. + +Ellen possessed a charm which often caused me to experience the +uncomfortable sensation of envy; her hair fell in long, golden-colored +ringlets upon her neck and shoulders, and these same curls seemed to +shake about so nicely whenever she moved her head. I sometimes thought +that Ellen shook them about much more than was absolutely necessary; but +at the same time they excited my warmest admiration. I felt as though I +could do anything--go through with all sorts of difficulties to have my +hair curl naturally; and with a feeling of unspeakable rapture I +listened to Ellen one day as she told me in a mysterious whisper that +the nurse had said eating crusts made her hair curl. + +_Eating crusts!_ What a discovery!--I immediately felt ready to eat all +the crusts in our house and every one else's. I bribed the children to +deliver up all their crusts to me, and commenced eating them with a +voracity that excited the surprise of all the nursery inmates. But +already, in perspective, I beheld my head adorned with long, glossy +curls, and I persevered, despite the laughter I excited. I devoured +crusts by the wholesale, but alas! no waving locks rewarded my patient +toil; and at length I had the pleasure of hearing that the crust +business was a fable, invented by Ellen's nurse to induce that young +lady to finish her odds and ends of bread, which she was very much +disposed to scatter about the nursery. It was cruel, after being +elevated to such a pinnacle of happiness, to find my hopes thus rudely +dashed to the ground; and my hair seemed straighter than ever, from +contrast with what I had expected it to be. Ellen was prevented from +wasting her crusts, and so far it was well; but the nurse lost by her +falsehood whatever respect I may have had for her--a loss which she +perhaps did not regard as such, or indeed trouble herself at all +about--but even a child's good opinion is something. + +I was very much inclined to be fleshy--too much so, I thought, for +beauty of figure; and this was another great annoyance. People in +speaking of us, always used to say: "What fine large children!" until I +hated the very sound of it, and wished most earnestly for Ellen's light, +fairy-like figure. I once resolved to starve myself into growing thin; +and, to Mammy's great surprise, refused to taste the dinner she handed +me, and resolutely persisted in going to bed without my supper. Mammy, +good old soul! watched me narrowly, not having been let into the secret +of my laudable resolve; and while she supposed that I had fallen into a +restless slumber, I was in reality tossing about on my trundle bed, +suffering the tantalizing pains of hunger. I remonstrated with myself in +vain; heard all the _pros_ and _cons_ on both sides in this perplexing +case of vanity _vs._ appetite, and finally resolved to satisfy my +hunger, cost what it would. + +But how to do this was the next question. Enticing slices of bread and +butter kept dancing before my eyes; and at length, when I heard the +snore which announced Mammy's departure to the land of dreams, I rose as +quietly as possible, and descended on a foraging expedition to the +pantry. How very nice everything did look! I stood for a moment feasting +my eyes with the sight, but oh, ill-timed delay! I had not tasted a +single morsel, when a low whisper fell upon my ear, and on turning, I +beheld Mammy gazing on me rather fearfully, while at her elbow stood +Jane in night-gown and cap, who was violently rubbing her eyes in order +to clear away the fancied mist, and thus convince herself that it was +really the veritable _me_ who was about to perform such an +unheroine-like part. + +This discovery seemed to me exactly like those tantalizing dreams in +which you are sitting down at a table covered with everything nice, but +before you have time to taste anything your visions are rudely +dispelled, and you wake and look in vain for the tempting paraphernalia. +I once bore this in mind after being several times teased in this +manner; and resolving not to be so deceived again, I succeeded in +regaling myself with a mince-pie--which appeared to me quite in the +light of a triumph. I now cast about me for some means to escape from +this disagreeable dilemma; and having heard Mammy whisper to Jane: "How +very wild she looks!" I found that they supposed me to be walking in my +sleep, a practice to which I was somewhat addicted; and not seeing why +sleep-walkers should not direct their course to the cupboard as well as +anywhere else, I boldly seized a loaf and commenced an attack upon it. + +"Let us wait and see what she will do," whispered Mammy. + +"It is very evident what she will do, now that she has the loaf in her +hands," replied Jane in a sleepy tone. "I do not believe that she is +asleep at all, but just as wide awake as we are. I have read a story +somewhere," she continued, "of a French girl who succeeded in persuading +people that she lived without eating; but at last some one watched the +girl closely, and one night discovered her at the pantry, regaling +herself with cold chicken sufficiently to go without eating for a week. +Now, Miss Amy has eaten neither dinner nor supper, and she may be +imitating the French girl, in order to be made a fuss with. I will speak +to her and see." + +"Not for the world!" exclaimed Mammy in terror, as she grasped the more +enterprising Jane. "Do not touch her--for I have heard of its killing +people to be awakened suddenly while in this state." + +Jane obeyed, although her face still wore an incredulous expression; and +I continued eating, looking as wild as possible all the time. The +nursery-maid began at length to fear that I would put an end to my own +life, if not spoken to; but Mammy still objected--murmuring as she +watched my voracious performances; "Poor child! how hungry she must have +been to come down and eat in her sleep! I wonder why she refused her +tea?" + +After a while, however, I became more sleepy than hungry; and Mammy and +Jane kindly conveyed me back to my little bed, where I slept soundly +till morning. I was not destined to reap much glory from this +escapade--not even the glory of being a sleep-walker; for Jane, looking +me steadily in the face, said: "Now, Miss Amy, I wish you to tell me +truly whether you were asleep last night, when you went down into the +pantry and devoured almost a whole loaf of bread! Now be a good girl, +and tell the truth, for you frightened us very much." + +At first I pretended stupidity, and inquired, "what pantry?" and "what +bread?" but Jane soon discovered that I knew very well; and while she +looked at me so searchingly I could not possibly frame a plausible +story--so, from sheer necessity, I told the whole truth, "and nothing +but the truth." My curious attempt at getting thin excited great +amusement; but Mammy told me that she knew of a better way than that, +which was to run up and down stairs as much as possible. I followed her +advice until I became tired of it; and during that period I was +universally acknowledged to be the most obliging child in the house, for +I was quite indefatigable in running on other people's errands. I became +discouraged, though, when I found that I remained as fat as ever; and +began tasking my brain for some other expedient. + +I had gone to Ellen Tracy's to enjoy a holiday; and, quite mad with +spirits, we roamed hither and thither, scarcely knowing what to do with +ourselves. At length Ellen proposed that we should go to "the boys' +room," and go we accordingly did. We would have recognized it as the +sanctum of two or three noisy urchins of the male gender, even had we +not known it beforehand. On the dressing-table stood a top, half-a-dozen +marbles, and a fishing-line; while the walls displayed various quaint +devices of their own drawing. There was a something which, Ellen +informed us, was intended for a ghost; but if so, he had a most undue +proportion of flesh on his bones, and looked far more like a giant. We +concluded to equip ourselves in male attire, for the sake of +variety--being heartily tired of frocks and petticoats; and Ellen's +pretty curls having been tucked up under a round cap, she looked so +fascinating that I felt quite ambitious to rival her--but in attempting +to draw on one of Charles' jackets, I found that it would not meet round +my waist. Oh, mortification unspeakable! to find myself larger around +the waist than a boy a whole year my senior! I could scarcely refrain +from bursting into tears; forgetting that I belonged to the dumpling +order, while Charles was as slender and straight as a young birch tree. +My pleasure for that day was gone; in vain Ellen displayed her whole +stock of worldly possessions to tempt my admiration. I scarcely bestowed +a look on anything, and returned home perfectly miserable. + +For days I kept my ears wide open in hopes of catching something that +might relieve my distress, and at length I met with some success. I +overheard a visitor telling my mother of some young lady, whose figure +they had been admiring, that she was nothing at all without her +corsets--a complete dumpling; and then followed a long digression on the +impropriety of imposing upon the public in this manner; but for that I +did not care--I determined to impose upon them too, as soon as I got a +chance. Soon after, a school-mate encased me in a remarkably tight pair, +during an afternoon's visit; and having, as she said, 'made me look +quite genteel,' I departed for home with the delightful consciousness of +being 'something of a figure.' Before bed-time I had a romp in the +garden with my wild brother and Charles Tracy; I experienced a feeling +of suffocation, while running through the paths, that became quite +insupportable. + +"Why Amy!" exclaimed Charles as he grasped my arm, "What _is_ the +matter? you look quite black in the face!" They all gathered around me, +but unable to speak, I sank back into Charles Tracy's arms, and lost +all consciousness. + +When I recovered, I found myself lying on my own little bed, with my +mother bending fondly over me--the cause of all this trouble on a chair +at my side--and Mammy, dear, good Mammy! regarding me with a puzzled +look of surprise. + +"Why, she actually fainted!" whispered Jane, "just dead away, like any +grown person!" + +"No," replied Mammy, "the child was dreadfully squeezed, and that took +away her breath. She'll kill herself next, with some of her capers!" + +Mamma now made a sign for them to be quiet, and stooping down close to +my face, asked me how I felt. I tried to answer, "better;" but the words +almost choked me, and I still experienced a difficulty in breathing. The +evil consequences of this attempt at the graceful were but temporary, +however; and the next morning, as I sat up quite recovered, a discussion +took place between mamma and the old nurse on the propriety of +equipping me at once in corsets to improve my figure. I soon experienced +the delight of possessing a pair of my own; on which memorable occasion, +I resolved that, like the old woman, I would "neither borrow nor lend;" +but the present was conditional--on the first instance of my lacing too +tight it was to be taken from me. I took care that this should never +happen--that is, to such a degree as to expose myself to punishment; but +in many a scene of enjoyment did I suffer the consequences of my foolish +vanity. Often while music, and dancing, and everything contributed to +render a children's party delightful, I sat apart in a corner, or else +went languidly through the figures of the dance, while every nerve +throbbed with acute pain. + +Ellen and I had for sometime noticed that Charles and Henry were more +together than ever. They seldom associated with us now, or asked us to +join them; Henry proved faithless with respect to a table he had +promised my doll, and Charles refused, for the present, to dig his +sister's garden spot; therefore we put our two wise heads together and +concluded that this must mean something. The moment school was out, the +cap was hastily snatched from its nail in the entry, and they both +sallied forth together--where, or for what purpose, we tried in vain to +discover. On Saturdays they were constantly at work in the barn, +hammering, and cutting, and shaving; and one day we detected them +making, over a fire which they had built on bricks in the open air, +something which smelt very much like molasses candy. But upon Ellen's +venturing to communicate this to Charles, he answered contemptuously +that "it was just like girls!--always fancying that everything was +something eatable!" + +The two made a journey to town together, and came back laden with sundry +parcels; and notwithstanding all this business, Henry found time to be +very industrious in weeding the flower-beds, for which my father paid +him so much an hour--and I noticed that he was uncommonly punctual in +presenting his bills. Without being very penetrating, we discovered +that the scheme, whatever it might be, was one that required a great +deal of time, a great deal of shopping, and a great deal of money. We +racked our brains in vain, and not a single mite of information could we +extract from the boys; indeed, we might just as well have attacked two +pine boards, for they pretended to be deaf as soon as we commenced our +inquiries. Ellen began to be afraid that they meditated living on some +wild island, like Robinson Crusoe, for she had seen Charles privately +appropriate a hatchet, and a ball of twine; and I inclined to the +opinion that they were both going to sea, and represented to Ellen how +delightful it would be to have them making voyages and bringing us +shells, and corals, and all sorts of curious things. But I was the +greatest philosopher of the two, for my more timid playmate cried +bitterly at the idea; and it was sometime before I could succeed in +pacifying her. + +We one day discovered the boys in an old barn on the premises; and +waiting patiently near by until we saw them depart on some errand to the +house, we perceived, to our great joy that the door was unfastened; and +effecting a hasty entrance, we expected to be almost as well rewarded +for our trouble as was Blue-beard's wife on entering the forbidden +chamber. But nothing could we see except a few old boxes turned upside +down, and along one side a neat row of shelves. We perceived indeed that +the small window now contained four panes of glass, and we also +discovered two or three little shelves there. But here our discoveries +ended; there was nothing to account for all the labor and privacy that +had been going on for the last two or three weeks,--and quite in +despair, we returned to the house before the boys discovered our prying. + +Things continued in this state for sometime longer; and finding that all +our efforts at discovery were not rewarded with the slightest success, +we assumed an appearance of proud indifference, and pretended to be as +much occupied with our dolls and baby-houses as they were with their +barn. Now and then one of the boys, in the tantalizing spirit of +mischief, would thrust a parcel under our very eyes, exclaiming at the +same time: "Wouldn't you like to see the inside, though? Confess, now, +that you would give your very ears to know what's in it!" + +"Indeed, and we would not!" in great indignation, "not we! We supposed +that it was some boys' nonsense not worth talking about, and were quite +occupied with our own affairs, without troubling ourselves about them." + +In a tone that sounded very much as though he were in earnest, Charles +would continue: "Suppose, Henry, that we let them know what it is, if +they promise not to tell--shall we?" + +"By no means," Henry would reply, with the air of a Socrates, "Women can +never keep a secret--I have heard my father say so." + +"We were sure we didn't want to hear their secrets!" and indignantly +clipping away with our scissors, we turned a deaf ear to all further +remarks. However, the secret did come to light after a while, and in a +most unexpected manner. + +We had just received a liberal allowance of pocket-money, and while +Ellen and I deliberated on the various ways in which it might be spent +to advantage, Henry asked us, with a perfectly grave face, if we had +heard of the new store lately opened near us? _New_ store! Why there had +never been any store at all, except the little stand kept by old Betty +Tweednor, and now Henry spoke of the new store as though such a thing +had ever existed. Certainly we had not heard of it; but resolving to +remain no longer in ignorance, we seized our bonnets, and were ready to +start in a moment. Henry looked very knowing and mysterious; but +following his guidance, we soon found ourselves at the barn which had +before excited our curiosity. Why, it had been turned into a regular +shop! Rows of candies, better known among children as "barber's-poles," +looked imposingly out of the window, and these were flanked by piles of +pea-nuts, apples, &c. But all these would have been nothing without that +delight of childhood--taffy-candy; and upon a further investigation, we +discovered a very ingenious pair of clam-shell scales, with holes bored +for strings to pass through, and suspended from a stout stick which was +kept in its place by being fastened to an upright piece of wood at each +end--the whole resting upon a very complete counter formed of old +boxes. It looked exactly like a real store; and behind the counter stood +Charles, as demure as possible,--while crowds of our schoolmates gazed, +admired, and wondered. + +A sign near the door informed passers that "the proprietors, grateful +for past favors and the patronage of a liberal public, would continue +the business under the firm of Chesbury and Tracy." It would be a +somewhat difficult task, we thought, to discover the favors and +patronage alluded to; but the young merchants had concluded that this +clause gave a dignity and air of reality to the whole. We experienced +the pleasure of making purchases, weighed out to us from the much +admired clam-shell scales, and were very particular in exacting full +weight. Each sale was recorded in a small account book; and long after +we had grown to the years of discretion, our mirth was excited by +accidentally meeting with this juvenile record. So many purchases were +made that afternoon, that the young storekeepers perceived with dismay +the very visible decrease in their supplies. We accused them of +retrenching considerably in their quantities, on this discovery, and +thought that they were too inexperienced for so weighty an office. + +Ellen and I often added to their stores by little pies and cakes which +we manufactured at home; and in process of time their articles embraced +such a variety that the shop became quite celebrated. Even mamma would +sometimes come to make purchases; and the boy-merchants found their +scheme a very profitable one. But alas! it vanished with the last summer +breath; the early snows surrounded their little store, and all access +became inconvenient. So they had a sale at prime cost--and we then +obtained most wonderful bargains in the confectionary line. Finding +himself quite wealthy now, Charles could well afford to be generous; and +presented me with a new doll, and his sister Ellen with a miniature set +of cups and saucers, over which we had many happy tea-drinkings. We +received no presents from Henry, and heard nothing of his money; and it +was not till some time after, and then through another source, that we +learned that his portion had materially helped to keep a poor woman +from freezing during the winter. My father often remarked of Henry, that +"he was too generous and self-forgetful ever to be rich;" but there is +no doubt that such have their reward--in their own consciences at least. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +The winter wore rapidly away with sleigh-riding, snow-balling, and our +usual parties; and spring, lovely spring! again made its appearance. Our +flower-garden looked its very loveliest at this season; for it boasted +countless stores of hyacinths, tulips, daffodils, blue-bells, violets, +crocuses, &c. I remember so well when we first noticed the little green +sprouts shooting up in spots from which the snow had melted; and on +making this discovery, we always danced into the house and shouted out: +"Spring has come!" It gladdened our very hearts to find the first little +violet that dared to show its head above the ground; and then we ran to +the peach-trees to look at the delicate pink buds that shot forth so +curiously without any leaves. There was a warm sweet breath abroad upon +the air that tossed our hair about, and fanned our flushed cheeks, and +we knew that it was spring, sweet spring! that had come again to us. Oh, +how delightful it was when, escaped from all watchful eyes, I could +throw aside the troublesome sun-bonnet, that so obstructed my sight, and +dig and delve at pleasure! Never in all my life have I been so happy as +in these delightful spring days, when I roved about the paths with a +heart full of happiness, and a sensation of thankfulness for the +blessings I enjoyed. + +Two circumstances contributed materially to immortalize this particular +spring in my recollections: I then completed my tenth year, which I +thought left me on the very threshold of womanhood, and we had two pet +squirrels, who inhabited the locust trees in front of the house, with a +tin cage to retire to at night--one of whom we called "blackey," and the +other "browney," from their different colors. + +"Blackey" was extremely mischievous, and rarely could be caught; but +"browney" seemed a perfect paragon of gentleness and goodness--and I +would seat myself on the steps, holding him for hours, and listening to +the monotonous hum of the locusts, which always filled my heart with a +sense of quiet happiness. Did you never sit watching the glorious +sunbeams, as they fell on the soft, fresh grass, and with this low, +soothing hum in your ears, feel that the earth was very beautiful? I +have; but then I was a dreamer--an unmistakable, enthusiastic dreamer, +and my fancies would, perhaps, be laughed at by the wise ones of earth. + +To return to "browney;" my love cooled for him very suddenly one +morning, as, with my finger in close proximity to his mouth, I sat and +apostrophized him thus, "You dear, little angel, you! I love you +dearly!" a sudden closing of sharp little teeth on my poor fingers put +an end to my rhapsodies; and the "little angel" was most unceremoniously +dropped on the ground, from whence he made his escape to his usual home, +the locust tree--and I never again sought to entice him from his +retreat. I ran about the walks as usual this spring, but it was with +languor and indifference that I visited our usual haunts; and I +wondered what it was that made my steps so very slow and dragging--it +seemed as though a weight were tied on each heel. If I attempted a race +with the boys, I was obliged to give up from very weariness; and +laughing at what they termed my laziness, they pursued their amusements +without me. Charles Tracy would now and then bring me a bunch of wild +flowers; and to the surprise of all, I preferred sitting with them in my +hands to joining in my usual noisy games. I grew pale and thin; and +Mammy and Jane began to express their uneasiness about me, while I often +noticed my mother's eyes fixed upon me in tender solicitude. + +I went to bed one night feeling restless and feverish. It was the latter +part of April, and a small wood-fire still burned on the hearth; on the +embers of which I fixed my eyes steadfastly, until strange shapes and +burning eyes seemed moving about the quiet hearth. I was quite alone; +Mammy had gone out to spend the evening, and Jane was taking her tea in +the kitchen. Had it been for life or death I could not have spoken; I +tried to scream--but a hollow sound rattled in my ears--and with the +cold drops gathering on my forehead, I lay still, subdued, in a state of +delirious agony. I was almost senseless; until at length, feeling a +touch upon my arm, and a breathing at my side, I started wildly up, and +eluding all pursuit, fled swiftly down the stair-case. I pressed my hand +tightly on my throbbing head, and gaining the kitchen, burst suddenly +in, exclaiming, "O! Jane! Jane! do not leave me again!" I sunk down +insensible; and remember nothing but a scream of horror which proceeded +from Jane, who, having just seated herself beside me as I sprang out of +bed, had followed me in a state of breathless alarm to the kitchen. + +When I again opened my eyes, it was about midnight. I had been conveyed +to my mother's room, and now experienced the delightful sensation of +finding myself in a high bed, with curtains; while my head was raised up +with pillows to an unusual height. In turning myself to obtain a better +view of the surrounding scenery, I became conscious of a stiffness in my +right arm; and fairly shuddered with horror on perceiving a basin of +blood close to my bedside. But worse and worse! a few paces further off +stood a grave-looking man, whom, from his very air, I knew to be a +doctor. Nay, had I been at all doubtful on this point, the addition of a +pair of spectacles would have convinced me at once--as this is an +ornament especially pertaining to M. D.'s. I had always hated, loathed, +dreaded a doctor as I would a nauseous object; and I now trembled to +find myself in his power--fearing that he read my dislike in my face. +Spectacles, too, disconcerted me; the glimmer of the polished glass +seems to add new fire to the eyes beneath; and I now beheld a pair, eyes +and all, levelled directly upon me. I shuddered at the very idea of a +doctor, and could never sit still in the room with one; and now there +stood that horrid man, evidently regarding me as his victim, while I +felt too weak and sick to make the least resistance. + +My aversion probably arose from the circumstance of once having had a +loose front tooth pulled out--one that was just ready to jump out +itself; which operation, I felt convinced, had left my system in a very +shattered state. Often since did I torture myself for hours by mounting +up on a table before the glass, and with a string tied around a loosened +tooth, give it a little cowardly pull at intervals--lacking sufficient +courage to rid myself of my trouble at once. I have sometimes sat in +this interesting position for a whole morning; and should probably have +continued it through the afternoon had not Fred, or Henry, perceiving my +employment, come slyly behind me and caused me to start suddenly, which +always dislodged the troublesome tooth. + +My eyes rested a moment on the doctor, and then glanced off to seek some +more agreeable object, and having found mamma, she seemed like a lovely +angel in comparison with the ogre who, I felt convinced, only waited his +opportunity to put an end to my life. Mamma came close to me, and +observing my gaze still bent upon the basin, she whispered softly: "Do +not look so frightened, Amy, you have only been bled--that is all, +believe me." + +_All_! After this announcement I wondered that I breathed at all; and +had I not been too weak should certainly have cried over the thoughts +of the pain I must have suffered in my insensibility. I made no reply, +but leaned my head droopingly upon the pillow; and Dr. Irwin, taking my +hand, observed: "She is very weak, and we may expect delirium before +morning." + +His first assertion received the lie direct in the strength with which I +pushed him off, as I would the touch of a viper; and clinging to mamma, +I cried: "Take him away, dear mother! Take him away!--Do not let him +come near us!" + +"What?" exclaimed the doctor good-humoredly, "are you afraid of me, my +little lady? Do I look so very frightful?" + +I was quite surprised at his pleasant tone, and on a nearer survey of +his features, felt my passion considerably cooled; but those odious +spectacles spoiled all. I remember soon after being raised up, while +some one held a cup to my lips, but whether the draught were good or bad +I was unable to determine. Dr. Irwin now took my mother aside, and +whispered something in a low tone, as he placed a small packet in her +hands. I heard my mother say: "I am afraid she will never take it, +doctor," to which he replied: "But she _must_ take it, madam--we cannot +consider a child's humors in the scale with her life." I now felt +assured that some nauseous compound was being prepared for me; which I +firmly resolved to fling in the doctor's face, should he dare to +approach me with it. I was a perfect fury when roused; and this fancied +cruelty excited my strongest passions. + +But Dr. Irwin wisely took himself off; and the next morning poor mamma +received half the mixture on her dress, while the other half found a +resting place on the floor--a few drops only having slipped down my +throat; while one of the servants heard my screams at the end of the +village, and the next door neighbor, prompted by humanity, sent to +inquire the name of the murdered party. The next dose was more +successful; mamma having spread out before my eyes all her possessions +which she thought likely to tempt me, I received permission to make a +choice, on condition of swallowing a spoonful of calomel jalap. I +further displayed my gentleness by biting Dr. Irwin's fingers when he +attempted to look at my throat, and the good man evidently regarded me +as a pretty refractory patient. + +I always had a great horror of being sick--that is, a real, regular fit +of sickness, where you are perched up in bed, and have to do as other +people please, and have only just what covering they please--when you +are not suffered to put an arm out, or toss off a quilt that almost +smothers you, or drink a drop of cold water. Once in a while, I thought, +to be just sufficiently sick to sit in the easy chair and look over +mother's pretty things, or daub with her color-box, while people brought +me oranges and waited upon me, did very well. I was not a gentle, timid, +feminine sort of a child, as I have said before--one who would faint at +the prick of a pin, or weep showers of tears for a slight headache; I +was a complete little hoyden, full of life and spirits, to whom the idea +of being in bed in the day-time was extremely disagreeable--and when I +had been "awful," according to the nursery phraseology, the greatest +punishment that could be inflicted upon me was to send me thither to +enjoy the charms of solitude. I was a female edition of my brother +Fred; not quite so prone to tricks and mischief, perhaps--but almost as +wild and unmanageable. + +Now and then Fred would come down in the morning pale, sick, and +subdued-looking; his head tightly bound with a handkerchief, and his +whole countenance expressive of suffering. A sick headache was the only +thing that could tame him; and a smile of ineffable relief sat on the +faces of the others as they glanced at his woe-begone visage. He was as +secure for that day as though chained hand and foot. My quiet hours were +when some fascinating book engrossed my whole attention; I drank in each +word, and could neither see nor hear anything around. + +But here I was, really sick and quiet, ill in bed for a whole +month--day-time and all; and oh! the nauseous doses that somehow slipped +down my unwilling throat! Sometimes I would lie and watch the others +moving around and doing as they chose, and then, feeling galled by my +own sense of dependence and inefficiency, the warm blood would glow +quickly as before, and springing hastily up, I determined to throw off +this weary feeling of lassitude. But it was of no use; all I could do +was to sink back exhausted, and "bide my time." + +When the first stage of my illness was passed, poor mamma, completely +worn out, would often leave me to the care of Mammy or Jane; with +numerous directions to see that I took whatever had been left for me by +Doctor Irwin. I always liked to have Jane with me, for I _loved_ her; +and the medicine never seemed to taste so bad when she gave it to me. +She had various ways of smoothing this disagreeable duty; and one night +when I had been rather obstreperous, she cut a pill in two and took +half, by way of keeping me company; saying as she swallowed it that +"perhaps it might do her some good." When I became well enough to leave +my bed I sat in a nice easy-chair drawn close up to the window, from +whence I could see the early flowers that were now blooming in full +beauty in the garden below, while some amusing book rested on my lap. I +remember that they brought me the very first strawberries that ripened; +and the neighbors were so kind that many a well-relished delicacy was +sent in "for Mrs. Chesbury's sick child." + +I was just able to run about, but still looking very pale and thin, when +Aunt Henshaw arrived on a visit. "What!" exclaimed she, "can this be the +madcap, Amy? Why, you look like a ghost, child! What in the world have +you been doing to yourself--studying too hard?" + +The old lady possessed no great powers of penetration, and not being +sufficiently discerning to distinguish between the love of reading and +the love of study, she concluded, from seeing me often with a book in my +hand, that I was quite a studious character. Aunt Henshaw remained a +week or two; and though not exactly sick, I remained thin and drooping, +and seemed to get no stronger as the season advanced. The state of my +health was canvassed over and over again in the family circle; and one +day, when they were all gazing upon me with anxious solicitude, and +remarking upon my pale cheeks, Aunt Henshaw observed: "She needs a +change of air, poor child! She must go home with me." + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +I was quite surprised at the effect which this remark produced. Although +an only daughter, I had never been much caressed at home--I was always +so troublesome that they loved me best at a distance. If I happened to +get into the library with my father, I was sure to upset the inkstand, +or shake the table where he sat writing--or if admitted to my mother's +apartment, I made sad havoc with her work-basket, and was very apt to +clip up cut out articles with my little scissors--which said scissors I +regarded with the greatest affection; in the first place because they +were my own private property, and in the next place, they afforded me +the delightful pleasure of clipping--that great enjoyment of childhood; +but they did so much mischief that complaints against them were loud +and long, and I quite trembled at an oft-repeated threat of taking them +away. + +My mother evidently disapproved of Aunt Henshaw's proposal, and my +father drawing me towards him affectionately, said: "I am afraid we +could not part with our little madcap--we should miss her noise sadly." + +The idea of being missed, and actually made a subject of argument, was +something quite new to me; and glancing in surprise from one to the +other, I awaited the issue in silence, scarcely knowing whether I wished +to go or stay. But Aunt Henshaw carried her point. She represented so +many advantages to be gained by the change, where I could run about +quite wild, rolling among the fresh hay, and breathing the pure +air--insisting that it must bring a color into my pale cheeks--that my +parents at length yielded. + +Now began the delightful bustle of preparation. My mother turned over my +scanty wardrobe with perplexed looks; and an immediate cutting and +clipping took place, by which old gowns of hers were made into bran new +ones for me. Nor was this all--some were bought on purpose for me; and +I had two or three delightful jaunts to the city, to choose the patterns +for myself; and I wondered if anybody ever had so many, new things at +once as I was about to have. I became quite a wonder in the family--a +person whose movements were of the utmost importance; for I was going to +be away from them the whole summer, and it seemed an almost endless +separation. Mammy was not at all pleased at their sending her child away +from her; the old nurse even cried over me, and insisted upon it that I +had always been a paragon of excellence, and that she could not live +without me. My father gave me some money to buy her a present, the +selection of which was to be left entirely to my own taste; and the sum +I expended in a manner perfectly characteristic: I procured a large +bunch of gay beads for Mammy, and presented Jane with the wonderful +history of little Red Riding Hood. Both treasured them as carefully, and +apparently valued them as highly, as if they had been better selected; +and being quite confident that they would prefer them to anything else, +I was much surprised at the disapprobation expressed in the family +circle. + +I gave Henry a little pincushion, which I made on purpose for him, and +not knowing what to present Fred with, I allowed him to rip open my +second-best doll, which was still in quite a good state of preservation. +Fred had always possessed an inquiring mind, and an inclination to +inspect the contents of everything, in consequence of which my +possessions often suffered--and this employment now afforded him the +most intense satisfaction; while I, with a certain feeling of curiosity, +and yet scarcely able to repress an effort for the rescue of poor dolly, +stood watching the proceeding. Nothing appeared, however, but saw-dust; +although Fred had positively assured me that he had no doubt we would +find a diamond ring, or a piece of money, at least--as people often did +where they least expected it; and it was partly this consideration that +led me to consent to the dissection, for we had made an agreement to +divide the spoils. + +Fred's head was always filled with wonderful schemes of this nature, +and if he had not been so lazy and fond of mischief he would have made a +smart boy; for he was always reading books containing wonderful +researches into the productions of former centuries; and being +particularly interested in the study of minerals and different species +of rock, he often endeavored to explain to me the various forms of +strata which were found below the earth; but my comprehension could not +take it in. He was continually poring over fossil remains, and digging +in the garden for something curious. He one day ran in with his apron +full of stones and other rubbish, and holding up in triumph an object of +various hues, through which a slight blue shade was distinctly visible, +he called out eagerly: "See, mother! I have really found some fossil +remains at last!" + +Mamma took the admired treasure in her hand, as Fred desired; and as she +did so, a smile that had hovered about her mouth grew deeper and deeper; +and finally her amusement burst forth in a hearty laugh. Fred seized his +prize indignantly, and after washing it with the greatest care, found +himself in possession of the spout of an old crockery tea-pot. We heard +no more of fossil remains after that; though he still pursued his +researches privately--having, I believe transferred his expectations +from fossil remains to golden treasures. He was hardly more successful +in this line, as he never found anything to reward his toil except a +solitary five-pence, that he mistook for a gold piece, and which +required more rubbing and scouring to make it distinguishable than it +was worth. Having sacrificed my doll on the shrine of sisterly +affection, not to mention the dross of private interest, I concluded +that I had done as much for Fred as he had any right to expect; and +employed myself in arranging sugar-plums in various attractive forms, as +farewell presents to my younger brothers. + +The eventful morning arrived on which I was to take my departure. It was +my first absence from home for any length of time, and I had scarcely +been able to sleep at all during the night--my mind being occupied with +the one all-engrossing thought. I scarcely dared to listen at first, for +fear I should hear it rain; but the sun shone brightly in all the glory +of a clear June morning, and springing out of bed, I dressed myself as +expeditiously as possible, for fear that Aunt Henshaw might go off +without me. "What then was my surprise, when after breakfast I saw the +old lady sit down as usual, and after carefully wiping her spectacles, +take up a book she had been perusing, just as if the greatest event of +my life were not about to occur that very day? + +"Why, Aunt Henshaw!" said I in a tone of acute disappointment, "Are we +not going to-day?" + +"Certainly, my dear," was her reply, "But the stage coach will not be +here till two o'clock, and I have all my things ready." + +What could I possibly do with the six intervening hours? I too had all +my things ready; and my spirits were now in a state that absolutely +required excitement of some kind or other. I tried to read, but it was +impossible to fix my thoughts on the subject--even the Arabian Nights +failed to interest me; and after wondering for some time at Aunt +Henshaw, who could view the near prospect of a journey that would +occupy two or three days with the most perfect composure, I proceeded to +my mother's apartment. I had not been there long before I got up a cry, +and felt more doubtful than ever whether I wished to go. But mamma +talked with me for some time; and having clearly ascertained that it was +my parents' wish that I should go, in hopes of benefiting my health by +the change, I comforted myself with the idea of martyrdom on a small +scale. + +I put my doll to board with Ellen Tracy until my return, at a charge of +so many sugar-plums a week; with strict injunctions not to pull its arms +or legs out of order, or attempt to curl its hair. I could not eat a +mouthful of dinner, but Aunt Henshaw stowed away some cake for me in a +corner of her capacious bag; a proceeding which then rather amused me, +but for which I was afterwards exceedingly thankful. The time seemed +almost interminable; I threw out various hints on the value of +expedition, the misery of being behindhand, and the doubtful punctuality +of stage-coaches--but Aunt Henshaw remained immovable. + +"As to its coming before the appointed time," said she, "I never heard +of such a thing. It is much more likely to leave us altogether." + +Dreadful idea! Suppose it should! I stood flattening my nose against the +window-pane in hopes of spying the welcome vehicle; but it did not even +glimmer in the far distance. Full half an hour before the time, I was +equipped in the wrappers which my invalid state required, impatiently +awaiting the expected clatter of wheels. At length it rolled rapidly up +to the door; a shabby-looking vehicle, drawn by four horses--and a +perfect wilderness of heads and eyes looked forth from the windows, +while legs and arms dangled from the top. It was quite full; and several +voices called out, "They can't come in, driver! It's impossible!" + +What a blank fell upon my hopes at these cruel words! The people looked +so savage and unpitying, and I thought that after all we must stay at +home--there seemed no crevice of space into which we could force +ourselves; and in silent consternation I surveyed Aunt Henshaw's +substantial proportions. But she was an experienced traveller; and +making her adieus with a degree of composure and certainty that quite +reassured me, she took me by the hand and advanced to the stage as +smilingly as though they had all invited her to enter. The driver's +eagle eye spied out a seat for Aunt Henshaw--a kind-looking old +gentleman took me on his lap--the door was closed, and away we rattled. +Aunt Henshaw, never much given to silence, found a congenial companion +in the gentleman who had given me a seat; they were soon engaged in an +animated conversation on the pleasures of farming, during which I went +to sleep--nor was I aroused until about two hours after, when we found +ourselves landed at the wharf. We went on board the packet, and +proceeded to the cabin, where I was surprised, amused, and rather +frightened at the appearance of the narrow-looking boxes which we were +destined to sleep in. But Aunt Henshaw assured me that there was no +danger; and I found from experience that I could sleep almost as well +there as in my own bed at home. + +The wind was unfavorable, and we were almost a week on the water; but +at length we reached New London and proceeded to Waterford. Aunt +Henshaw's family, I knew, consisted only of a daughter--her sons having +married and settled away from her--and to the meeting with this cousin +Statia, I looked forward with some anxiety. It was almost dark when we +approached the house; a real farmhouse, with lilac and syringa bushes in +front, and a honeysuckle running over the piazza. A little dog came out +and barked at us--a sensible-looking cat rested on the porch--and in the +door-way stood Cousin Statia. She kissed me affectionately, and appeared +glad to see her mother; and we were all soon seated around the table, +where fresh cottage-cheese, crimson radishes, and warm tea-cakes looked +invitingly forth. + +I was rather disappointed in the appearance of Cousin Statia; I had +expected to see a fresh, smiling-looking country girl, but I found a +stiff, demure-looking young lady, at whose age I scarcely dared venture +a guess. A little colored girl waited on the table, who evidently +surveyed me with a great deal of interest; for I constantly caught the +sharp glances of her little black eyes. She had been christened +Aholibama--a name which she told me was taken out of some story-book, +though I afterwards found that it was in the Bible--but this being too +long an appellation, they had abbreviated it to Holly. During a hasty +glance into the cheerful kitchen, I caught a glimpse of a very +nice-looking colored woman, who, I afterwards found, was Sylvia, the +cook. + +Everything looked very pleasant around, though plain; but I was tired +and sleepy, and at an early hour Cousin Statia conducted me to a small, +neat room in the second story, with white curtains; and after +ascertaining that I could undress myself, she left me for a short time, +promising to come and take the candle. I felt the least bit homesick and +wished very much to see them all; but I was also very much interested in +the novelty of a new scene, and anticipated a great deal of pleasure in +examining the premises. Aunt Henshaw had told me that she believed there +were kittens somewhere around, and I determined to search till I found +them; for a little pet kitten appeared to me the sweetest of all +created things. + +In the meantime, I began to experience a very uncomfortable sensation +that quickly swallowed up all other thoughts. Cousin Statia had taken +the candle, but it was a bright, moonlight night, and the beautiful +moonbeams that came dancing in and formed a perfect network upon the +floor, made the room almost as light as day. It was not very warm +weather, but I felt the perspiration pouring down, while I trembled in +every limb. My eyes were fixed with a sort of fascination on the +opposite wall, where the shadow of a figure seemed to pass and repass; +and every time it arrived at a certain point, there was a sort of a kick +up, as though with the feet behind. I looked all around, as soon as I +dared to, but everything was still except the tormenting shadow. I +scarcely breathed, but kept watching the queer figure, till I was almost +ready to faint from cowardice. I tried to reason with myself--and called +to mind how my father had endeavored to banish this weakness; how one +night on being afraid to go into the cellar, he had himself gone with +me and examined every corner, to convince me that there was nothing to +fear; and under the impulse of these reflections I sprang out of bed, +determined to investigate the mystery. I went in every part of the room; +I examined the window, the curtains, but nothing was to be seen, while +the figure still continued its movements; and almost sick, I returned to +bed, to lie and watch the shadow. All sorts of queer stories rushed into +my head; I tried to forgot them and think of something else, but it was +impossible. The movement was slow, regular, and punctual. + +At last I could stand it no longer; I rushed to the window, determined +to stay there till the mystery was explained, for I felt convinced that +I should find it there. I directed my eyes piercingly to every part of +the curtains; and at length I perceived that the window had been let +down at the top. I closed it, arranged the curtains differently, and +then, in some trepidation, returned to my shadow. It had disappeared; +and I now understood that the formidable figure was merely a part of the +curtain, which, influenced by the night wind, swayed to and fro, +causing the shadow on the wall. + +I do not think I ever experienced a cowardly feeling afterwards; that +night perfectly satisfied me that superstition was the most unreasonable +torture that could be inflicted on oneself; and I was ever afterwards +celebrated for my bravery. Even my father praised my conduct, and said +that it was pretty well for a girl of ten years, under such +circumstances--at the same time representing to me how much more +reasonable such a course was, than screaming would have been, to rouse +the household for nothing. I went quietly to sleep, and dreamed neither +of goblins nor ghosts, but of a dear little spotted kitten with a blue +ribbon around its neck. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +I did not wake very early the next morning, and when I opened my eyes, I +perceived Cousin Statia standing by my bedside, who had been endeavoring +to waken me. Her manner was rather solemn as she announced that Aunt +Henshaw was waiting for me to commence the morning services. At this +information I felt very much mortified; and springing quickly out of +bed, I was soon dressed and in the breakfast room. Aunt Henshaw sat with +a large Bible open before her; and after kissing me kindly, she read a +chapter, and then offered a short prayer. + +After breakfast, Cousin Statia proceeded to wash up the cups and +saucers, which she always did for fear of their being broken; Aunt +Henshaw proceeded to the poultry yard, and I accompanied her. She had a +large tin pan in her hand, filled with moistened Indian meal, with which +she fed the chickens; of which there seemed an endless number, both old +and young. Then we went to the barn-yard, and she showed me a young +calf; but it was an awkward-looking thing, that scampered about without +sense or meaning. But I had not forgotten the kittens, and I asked Aunt +Henshaw where they were. She said that she would look; and going into +the barn, we peered around, in mangers and out-of-the-way places, +without the least success; and we concluded that the old cat must have +hid them up in the mow. + +"Perhaps Holly knows, though," said the old lady, on noticing my +disappointment, "very little escapes her eyes, and we can at least call +her and see." + +Holly was called, but with not much more success than our hunt after the +kittens, so we were obliged to proceed to the kitchen--a wing on the +same floor with the parlor and dining-room. Holly was now visible, +peeling apples, and evidently glad to be released from her task, she +professed herself perfectly acquainted with the whereabouts of the +kittens. + +"But can we get them?" asked Aunt Henshaw. + +"Oh yes, Missus," replied Holly, "if you'll only 'tice the old cat +somewhere and shut her up. She'd 'spect suthin' if she saw me, and +there'd be no gittin' rid of her; and if she once ketched us at the +bisness, she'd scratch our very eyes out--cats is always dreadful skeery +about their kittens." + +There was something in this speech which grated on my ear as painfully +ungrammatical; and I resolved, on the first opportunity, to instruct +Holly in the rudiments of grammar. She remained in the kitchen while +Aunt Henshaw, after calling "pussy" in an affectionate manner, shut the +cat up in the dining-room; and our guide then led the way to the +kittens. The garret stairs turned off in two directions; one led to +about four or five steps, beneath which was a hollow place extending +some distance back, where Holly had often seen the old cat go in and out +in a private manner. + +"Now," said she, "you stay here, and I'll jest git the rake and rake +the kittens out for Miss Amy, here." + +"But I am afraid you will hurt them," said Aunt Henshaw. + +"It ain't very likely," replied Holly confidently, "that they're a-going +to be so shaller as to git hurt. They'll squirm over the points of the +rake, and take care of themselves." + +The rake was brought; and five little sprawling kittens, with their eyes +scarcely open, were soon crawling at my feet. "Oh, you dear little +angels!" I exclaimed in ecstasy. + +"Rather black-looking angels," said Aunt Henshaw with a smile. + +I took them up, one after another, and was quite at a loss which to +admire most. There were three black ones, one grey, and one white one +spotted. I rather thought I preferred the white and grey, while Holly +claimed the three black ones. We took them all to the kitchen and placed +a saucer of milk before them, while Holly let out the cat, that she +might see how well we were treating them. She looked around in surprise +at first; but then deliberately taking them one by one, she carried +them all off in her mouth, and we saw nothing more of them for some +time. + +I spent the morning in wandering about; and in the afternoon I sat in +the parlor with Cousin Statia, who was knitting as fast as her needles +could fly. I asked her for a book; and after some search, she handed me +the "Pilgrim's Progress," in which I soon became deeply interested, +while Aunt Henshaw took a nap in her chair. Towards evening the old +white horse was harnessed up, and we took a drive; Aunt Henshaw being +determined, as she said, to put some color in my pale cheeks. They +evidently thought a great deal of this old horse, whom they called Joe; +but I mentally compared him with my father's carriage-horses--a +comparison not much to his advantage. Cousin Statia drove, but Joe did +not seem much disposed to go. Every now and then he came to a +stand-still, and I quite wanted to get out and push him along. But they +saw nothing uncommon in his behavior, and even congratulated themselves +upon his being so careful. Aunt Henshaw said that such dreadful +accidents had happened in consequence of horses running away with +people, and that Joe's great virtue consisted in his being so perfectly +gentle. + +We did not drive very far, and on our return found that Sylvia had tea +all ready and waiting for us. The old colored woman was quite tasty in +her ideas, and had garnished an immense dish of strawberries with +flowers and leaves, through which the red fruit gleamed most temptingly +forth. After tea, when Cousin Statia had taken up her knitting, and Aunt +Henshaw was seated in her usual chair, I placed a low stool beside her +for myself, and begged for one of her usual stories. She was a very +entertaining old lady, with a great deal of natural wit, and abundant +reminiscences of the times in which she had lived. Nothing delighted us +more than to hear her stories of the Revolution, in many of which she +figured as principal actor; and I now expected a rich treat. + +"Well, I do not know," replied Aunt Henshaw in answer to my question, "I +think I must have told you all." + +This remark, I knew from experience, was the prelude to something even +more interesting than usual, and I waited patiently for her to begin. + +"Did I ever tell you," she continued, "of the time that Statia went to +her Uncle Ben's at night, with no one except her two little brothers?" + +I had never heard the narrative, and eagerly settled myself in the +position of a listener. + +"Statia," said her mother, "you had better tell the story--perhaps you +remember it better than I do." + +"It was a raw November night," she began, "and though it did not exactly +storm, the wind moaned and raged through the trees, blowing the fallen +leaver about in gusts, and making a pleasant fire seem doubly cheerful. +The large hickory logs were roaring and blazing in our huge fireplace +and my father, my mother, my two brothers, and myself were gathered +around the fire. I was the eldest, but I was then only twelve years old; +and yet, I remember always to have felt a great deal of care and +responsibility towards the other children I never can forget the night, +for I then experienced my first lesson of self-forgetfulness; and +whenever I speak of it, it seems as of something just passed. As I was +saying, we all sat by the fire, and had just been talking of the +British, who were dreaded and feared by us children as a race of ogres. +The door opened suddenly, and John, one of the hired men, stood before +us, his countenance expressive of some disaster. My father and mother +both rose in apprehension, and demanded the cause of his seeming terror. + +"Why sir," he stammered, "perhaps it ain't after all, anything so very +bad--there may not be any real danger; though it ain't exactly what you +would have chosen. I have just come from the post-office, and they say +that a party of British have landed about four miles below, and will +probably come and take supper with you. I do not believe they will do +anything worse, but it is best to be ready." + +My mother turned very pale, but she did not faint; she was a true +daughter of America, and always tried to repress all outward signs of +weakness. "I can load the guns," said she, "and attend to the +supper--but what will become of the children? These soldiers may perhaps +be intoxicated, and might set fire to the house." + +"They must be sent away," replied my father; "How long will it be before +the British get here?" he continued. + +"About two hours I should think," was John's reply; "and this being the +first farmhouse they pass, they will probably stop here." + +"Statia," said my father, turning to me, "it is my wish that you take +your brothers and go as quickly as possible to your Uncle Ben's, where +you will be out of danger. I must send you _alone_, my child, for I can +spare no one to accompany you. But it is not a dark night, and you are +well acquainted with the road. I see no other alternative." + +"I trembled in every limb, but I had been brought up with the greatest +deference for my parents' wishes, and should not have dared to dispute +my father's command, even had he told me to do a much harder thing. The +children began to cry, for they were afraid of being murdered on the +road; but my mother succeeded in soothing them; and well bundled up, we +received a kiss and blessing from our parents, and started on our dreary +journey. Here was I quite alone, except my two little brothers, who +clung to me as we went along, and cried with terror, with three long +miles before me, and the wind blowing around us with such fury that we +could scarcely keep our feet. My younger brother now complained of the +cold; and resolved to protect them at whatever cost to myself, I took +off my cloak and wrapped it about him. I had only a shawl left; and +wrapping my arms in its thin folds, while the children grasped my skirt, +we proceeded slowly along. It was fortunate for us that the moon shone +brightly, for, even as it was, I was puzzled about the way. But at +length we reached the well-known house, and surprised enough were they +to see us; but when we told them the reason, my uncle immediately +started for my father's house, to render any assistance that might be +required. The night passed, however, without the expected invasion; the +British proceeded in another direction, and our cold, lonely walk might +have been dispensed with. But my father called me his brave little +girl, and said that in future he could always trust me--while my mother +pressed us silently to her bosom, and as she kissed us, I felt the warm +tears falling on my face. She too had had her trial on that fearful +night." + +I felt very thankful that my parents had never required such a +disagreeable proof of obedience; for, not possessing the firm principle +of right which characterized Cousin Statia, even as a child, I should +have been very much disposed to resist their authority. + +"Well," said Aunt Henshaw, "that is a story of which Statia may well be +proud, but her telling it has just put me in mind of something else. I +once had a large jar of sour milk standing before the fire, which I was +going to make into cottage-cheese, when one of the servants came +running, in breathless haste, with the news that three British soldiers +were approaching the house. Plunder was generally the object of such +stragglers, and there was quite a large sum of gold lying in a bureau +drawer, which I felt very unwilling to part with. My husband was from +home, so seizing the money, I quietly dropped it all in the jar of +milk. I had just finished this exploit when the soldiers entered; and +after eating in a manner that made the children fear they would next be +precipitated down their capacious throats, they began to look about for +plunder. I tried to be as composed as possible, and this, I think, kept +them a little in awe; for they were perfectly civil in words, and did no +damage, except to turn things topsy turvy. They found nothing to suit +them, till spying a very good coat of Mr. Henshaw's, one of them coolly +encased himself in it and they all walked off together." I watched them +from the window, and perceiving that they had left the gate open, I +called out after them: "Be kind enough to shut the gate, will you? I am +afraid the pigs will get in." They stopped a moment, smiled, and then +did as I requested. "Ah, Amy," said my aunt in conclusion, "the +necessity of the times was a school that taught women far more of the +realities of life than they learn now-a-days." + +Aunt Henshaw fell into a long revery; and a pair of eyes, which had been +glimmering near the door for some time, suddenly disappeared, and I +heard the retreating footsteps of Holly as she took her way to the +kitchen. The little colored girl always kept her eyes and ears open, and +never lost an opportunity to gain knowledge of any description. A great +deal which she had stealthily learned was communicated to me during my +stay; and I am sorry to say that I was more hurt than benefitted by the +companionship. Aunt Henshaw, though kind, did not appear to me in the +light of a playmate, and Cousin Statia seldom opened her lips--being too +industrious to waste time in talking; so that, for want of more suitable +company, I descended to the kitchen. + +The next morning, having obtained Aunt Henshaw's permission, I went out +to feed the chickens; and having drawn them near the wood-pile, I +confined my favors almost exclusively to a sober-looking hen and five +little chickens. When the pan was empty, I conceived that I had well +earned the right, and putting my hand down softly, I took up a cunning +little thing and hugged it in delight. But a terrible flapping of wings +sounded close to my ears--I could scarcely distinguish any thing--and +dropping the chicken, I fell across the chopping-log. The old hen rushed +furiously at me, and kept beating me with her wings; while I, afraid +that my eyes would be pecked out, could do nothing but scream. Some one, +at length, picked me up; and when I ventured to look around, I beheld +Sylvia, who stood beside me, laughing immoderately. Holly soon joined +the company, and even Cousin Statia seemed amused; while Aunt Henshaw +carefully examined my eyes to see that they had sustained no injury. + +"I ought to have told you not to touch the chickens," said the old lady; +"for the hen would even sacrifice her life to protect them." + +But experience is the best teacher, after all--the lessons thus gained, +though more disagreeable, are seldom forgotten; and I never again +meddled with the chickens. + +This seemed destined, though, to be a day of misfortunes, to which the +chicken business was but a slight commencement. The evening was most +lovely, and I accompanied Holly, who bad gone to feed the pigs. A fence +separated the pen from the rest of the yard; and on this fence it was +Holly's usual practice to perch herself and watch the motions of her +charges. She looked so comfortable that I determined to follow her +example; and having gained the eminence, I looked around in triumph. But +oh, how sad to tell! but a few moments elapsed ere I found myself +floundering in the mire beneath; while the pigs all rushed towards me as +though I had been thrown there for them to make a supper of. Holly was +quite convulsed with laughter; but my screams now became terrific; and +calling Sylvia, the two extricated me from my unpleasant predicament. + +I was truly a pitiable object, but my white dress was the greatest +sufferer: while the tears that rolled down my cheeks grew blacker and +blacker as they descended. I almost wished myself home again; but +Sylvia, between her paroxyms of laughter, told me "not to cry, and they +would soon make me look as good as new--any how, missus musn't see me in +such a pickle." They fell to scraping and scouring with the greatest +zeal, and then placed me before the kitchen fire to dry. + +"How the pigs did run!" said Holly; "'spect, Miss Amy, they mistook you +for a little broder!" + +At this sally Sylvia laughed louder than ever; but perceiving my +distress, she observed, in a kind tone: "Never mind, Miss Amy, we can't +help laughing, you know--and you'll laugh too, when you git out of this +here mess. But we do really feel sorry for you, for you look reel awful; +I only hope old missus won't come in and ketch you." + +But in a few moments the kind face of Aunt Henshaw looked into the scene +of distress which the kitchen had now become, and surprise at my +appearance rendered her almost speechless. But she soon recovered +herself; and under her direction I was immersed in a tub of water, while +my unfortunate clothes were consigned to the same fate. After this +ceremony I was advised to go to bed; and thither I accordingly repaired, +thinking how forlorn it was to fall into the pig-pen on such a beautiful +evening. + +The whole household seemed disposed to bear in mind that unfortunate +occurrence; when about to fall into mischief, Aunt Henshaw would say in +a peculiar tone: "Remember the pig-pen, Amy!" or, when troubling Sylvia, +it would be; "I guess you learned that in the pig-pen, Miss Amy;" and +even Holly took up the burden of the song, till I heartily wished that +she had taken the plunge instead of myself. Before long they all +discovered that I was very prone to such scrapes; I dropped a very nice +hat down the well, which, for fear of its spoiling the water, they spent +a great deal of time in fishing up--I fell from the mow, but fortunately +sustained no injury; and Sylvia one day caught me skimming off the +cream--an amusement which I considered very innocent, but she speedily +undeceived me. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +Two or three weeks passed on very pleasantly, and I began to think it +time to write a letter home. I had made but little progress in the art, +and letter-writing always appeared to me a great undertaking; but Aunt +Henshaw, having one afternoon provided me with pen, ink, and paper, and +elevated me nicely with the large Bible and my "Pilgrim's Progress," I +sat biting the end of my quill, and pondering over some form of +commencement. I had already written "dear mother" at the top; at length +I added after considerable reflection: + +"I am well, and hope that you are the same. It is very pleasant here. No +more at present from + +Your affectionate Daughter, + +AMY." + +Aunt Henshaw pronounced this "very well--what was of it;" and Cousin +Statia smiled, though I could not well why; but her smiles were so few +and far between that they always set me a wondering. The letter was +sealed, however, and enclosed in a larger one of Aunt Henshaw's, who +probably gave a more detailed account of matters and things than I had +given. + +In the meantime, I was fast regaining the blooming, hoyden appearance +most natural to me; and Aunt Henshaw continued to write glowing accounts +of my improvement. In due time my scrawl was answered by a most +affectionate letter from mamma, to which was added a postscript by my +father; and I began to rise wonderfully in my own estimation, in +consequence of having letters addressed entirely to myself. I even +undertook to correct Sylvia for speaking ungrammatically, which made her +very angry; and she took occasion to observe, that she had not lived so +long in the world to be taught grammar by young ladies who fell into +pig-pens. One great source of amusement at Henshaw's, was to watch +Sylvia making cheeses. Sometimes she allowed me to make small ones, +which I pressed with geranium leaves; but one day, being a little out of +humor, she refused to let me have the rennet unless I could find it.--I +searched through the kitchen and everywhere for it, and spent the whole +morning in looking, till I almost despaired of finding it; but at length +I pushed aside a tub, and there it was. This was one of Sylvia's +peculiarities. She was an excellent servant, and having been a long time +in the family, Aunt Henshaw allowed her to have pretty much her own way. +Sylvia was not wanting in sense, and often, when the old lady thought +she had obtained the better of the dispute, she was, in reality, +yielding to the sagacity of the colored woman. Holly was a sort of +satellite, and evidently quite in awe of her superior; but Sylvia +regarded her as the very quintescence of laziness, and always delighted +to set her at some interminable job. It was much more to Holly's taste +to look after the cows and pigs, and wander about the premises, than to +wash dishes and peel potatoes; but she dared not resist the cook's +authority. + +One Sunday morning I was left at home, in consequence of not being well, +with strict injunctions not to get into mischief; while Aunt Henshaw, +Cousin Statia, and Sylvia went to church--the superintendence of the +house being placed in Holly's charge. I settled myself by the parlor +window with my "Pilgrim's Progress" and pursued the thread of +Christian's adventures; while I glanced from time to time on the +prospect without, while the hum of the locusts and lowing of the cows +came borne upon my ear like pleasant sounds. I laid down my book to read +a chapter in the Bible, and was enjoying a very pleasant frame of mind +when the tempter came, in the shape of Holly, and beckoned me into the +kitchen. + +Nothing loath, I followed eagerly; and the colored girl proposed that we +should have a small baking. The fire had been carefully put out in the +kitchen, and we concluded to make one on bricks in the yard. After +puffing and blowing with considerable energy, Holly kindled a flame; +and we then concluded to mix up some gingerbread, and bake it in +clam-shells As I heard the monotonous hum of the bees, and remarked the +stillness around, while everything seemed to speak of the Sabbath, my +conscience reproached me; and I was several times on the point of +turning back into the parlor, but I lacked sufficient courage to resist +Holly's glowing descriptions of our gingerbread that was to be. The +store-room closet was pretty dark, and Holly was obliged to go by +guess-work in selecting her materials, but all seemed right; and in +triumph we placed several clam-shells of dough on the fire to bake. We +worked very hard to keep up the flames, but the baking progressed +slowly; and we dreaded to hear the sound of wheels that announced the +return of the church-goers. It was done at last, and we sat down to +enjoy the feast. I broke off a piece, and put it in my mouth, expecting +to find a delicious morsel, but it had a very queer taste; and I saw +that Holly was surveying it with an appearance of the greatest +curiosity. + +"What is the matter?" said I, "What have you done to it, Holly?" + +"Well, I guess I've put in lime instead of flour," she replied. + +It was but too true; and just then we heard the sound of wheels, and a +vigorous lifting of the great brass knocker. Holly hurriedly cleared +away all signs of our employment, and then opened the door; while I +returned to my books, convinced that the poorest time to make +gingerbread was on Sunday, and in the dark. But Aunt Henshaw discovered +our proceedings through Sylvia, who complained that some one had dropped +molasses in the lime; which she soon traced to Holly, and I was never +left home again on Sunday, alone. + +"Once," said Aunt Henshaw, when I had, as usual, solicited a story, +"there was a report that the British were about to sack New London. The +city was a scene of hurry and confusion. Carriages were driving hither +and thither, laden with silver plate and other valuables, which the +owners were glad to place in the hands of any respectable-looking +stranger they met, for safe-keeping. Several pieces were placed in our +carriage; among others a handsome silver tankard and half-a-dozen +goblets, which were never reclaimed. I have always kept them to this +day." + +She showed me these articles, which were extremely rich and massive, and +the old lady always kept them carefully locked in a capacious +side-board; never taking them out except to look at. + +"Aunt Henshaw, did you ever see a lord?" I inquired. + +"Plenty of them," was her reply, "lords were as thick as blackberries +during the Revolution." + +"How did they look?" said I. + +"Very much like other people--and often pretty distressed." + +I was then surprised at this information, but I have since learned +better; for I have seen the House of Lords in England, and they are, for +the most part, a common, uninteresting-looking assembly. + +"There was a Lord Spencer," continued my aunt, "a very wild young man, +who was constantly committing some prank or other--though always +strictly honorable in repairing any damages he occasioned. He once, for +mere sport, shot a fine colt, belonging to an old farmer, as he was +quietly grazing in the field. Even his companions remonstrated with him, +and endeavored to prevent the mischief; but he laid them a wager that he +should not only escape punishment, but that he would even make the old +farmer perfectly satisfied with his conduct. They accepted his bet, and +anxious to see how he would extricate himself, they accompanied him to +the residence of the old farmer. + +"That is a very fine colt of yours," began the young lord, "I should +like to purchase him." + +"He is not for sale," replied the farmer, shortly. + +"I suppose not," rejoined the visitor. "But what would you value him at +in case any accident happened to him through the carelessness of others? +What sum would pay you for it?" + +"A hundred dollars would cover his value," said the farmer, after some +consideration, "but has any thing happened to him, that you ask these +questions?" + +"Yes," replied the lord, "I have unfortunately shot him--and here is two +hundred dollars as an equivalent." + +Lord Spencer won his wager, for the farmer had made at least a hundred +dollars, and being extremely fond of money, he could not regret the loss +of his colt. "This is a specimen, Amy, of what lords are; so do not go to +forming any exalted notions of them, as of a superior race of beings. It +was very cruel in Lord Spencer to shoot the poor animal--but it was +honorable in him to make up the farmer's loss, for it doubled the amount +of wages he gained; yet to sum up the proceeding, it was wrong--for +besides killing an inoffensive animal, it did not belong to him." + +Aunt Henshaw seldom failed to point out the right and wrong in her +stories, for she feared that I would be carried away with whatever was +most dazzling, and thus form erroneous impressions. It is an excellent +maxim that "people should be just before they are generous;" and did all +bear this in mind while admiring actions that often dazzle with a false +glitter, they would assume a totally different appearance. + +Every few days there was an inundation of different cousins who lived +but a few miles distant; and then there was so much shaking of great +rough hands, as I was presented--so many comments on my appearance, and +comparison of each separate feature with each of my parents--that I grew +almost afraid to look up under the many eyes that were bent upon me to +detect resemblances to the Henshaws, Chesburys, or Farringtons--which +last was my mother's maiden name. I became quite tired of telling people +when I arrived, how long I intended to stay, and how many brothers and +sisters I had. They were all very kind, though, and invited me so +politely to come and see them that I quite wanted to go; and Aunt +Henshaw promised to return their visits very soon, and bring me with +her. + +So one fine day we set forth on a visit to Cousin Ben's--a son of the +identical Uncle Ben to whose house Cousin Statia walked with her two +little brothers, on that cold November night. She pointed out the road +as we passed, showed me the very place where she had wrapped her own +cloak around her brother, the spot where they stopped to rub their hands +warm, and a cross-road which they came very near taking. The house was +plain, but pleasantly situated; and as we drove up to the door, Cousin +Ben, his wife, and two or three children about my own age, came out to +meet us. There was very little reserve among these country cousins; and +before long, I was on as good terms with my play-mates as though I had +known them all my life. We raced out into the fields, and feasted on +sugar-pears, which were then just ripe; and I found, to my surprise, +that my female cousins were quite as expert at climbing trees as the +boys. I began to feel deficient in accomplishments; but I was not +sufficiently a hoyden to follow their example, and could only perform +the part of an admiring spectator. + +A very quiet-looking old horse was grazing near by, and my cousins +proposed that we should have a ride. I surveyed the great tall animal +with dismay, and was frightened at the idea of being perched on his +back; but the boys lifted me up, and five of us were soon mounted, ready +for a start. It was our intention to proceed in this triumphant manner +to the woods to gather berries; but our proposed conductor evidently +disapproved the projected excursion, for, with a sudden kick-up behind, +he sent us all five rolling on the grass. My white frock was the +sufferer as usual; and scarcely any evil that has befallen me since, +ever affected me more than would the dreaded spot that always appeared +in the most conspicuous place whenever I was dressed up. It was always +the herald of speedy disgrace, either in the shape of being sent +supperless to bed, or deprived of going out next day. Mammy was +particularly severe on such occasions; it was provoking to be sure, +after taking the pains to dress me nicely, to find all her work spoiled +within the next fifteen minutes; but I did think it was not my fault, +and wondered how it always happened. My new companions could not +understand my distress in consequence of this accident; and with +trembling steps I went in to Aunt Henshaw, expecting to be kept by her +side for the rest of the day, and never brought out again. + +What was my surprise when, after examining the spot, she said, in a tone +which sounded like music in my ears: "Well child, you couldn't help it, +and it is well you were not hurt. After all, white dresses are poor +things for children to play in, and this is only fit for the wash-tub +now. But this is not quite so bad as the pig-pen--eh, Amy?" + +The color mounted quickly into my face at these last words, and gladly +obeying her injunction to "go, play now," I bounded from the room; while +Aunt Henshaw, I suppose, enlightened the company as to the meaning of +her question, and my evident confusion. Oh, if people did but know the +effect of kind words, especially when harshness is expected! I never +enjoyed romping so much in all my life as on that afternoon; Aunt +Henshaw had pronounced my dress "fit only for the wash-tub," and I +thought that before it proceeded thither, it might just as well be a +little more soiled as not. So we rolled about on the grass, climbed over +fences, and rambled through the woods without fear or restraint. With a +light and happy heart I set out on the journey home, congratulating +myself that I was not then to encounter the eagle eyes of Mammy. + +Aunt Henshaw, though perfectly willing that I should enjoy myself at +play, did not approve of my spending my whole time in idleness; and +under her superintendence, I felt more disposed to work than I ever had +before. With her assistance I completed several articles of dress for a +sister of Sylvia's, who was very poor, and lived in a sort of hovel near +by; and the indefatigable Holly having again discovered the kittens in +some equally out-of-the-way place, I at last, with a great deal of +difficulty, succeeded in manufacturing a warm suit of clothes for the +winter wear of the prettiest one. Having equipped the kitten in its new +habiliments, I carried it to Aunt Henshaw, as quite a triumph of art; +but when I made my appearance, with the two little ears poking out of +the bonnet, and the tail quite visible through a hole in the skirt which +I had cut for it, Cousin Statia actually indulged in a hearty fit of +laughter, while Aunt Henshaw appeared even more amused. She told me +that nature had furnished it with a covering quite sufficient to protect +it from the cold; but I thought that it must then be a great deal too +warm in summer, and had just commenced fanning it, when she explained to +me that the fur was a great deal thinner in summer than in winter. This +satisfied me; and releasing the astonished kitten from its numerous +wrappers, I presented them to Holly, and gave up all idea of furnishing +it with a wardrobe. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +At Aunt Henshaw's, my passion for rummaging drawers and boxes of +knickknacks was abundantly gratified. The old lady fairly over-flowed +with the milk of human kindness, and allowed me to put her things in +disorder as often as I chose. There was an album quilt, among her +possessions, which I never grew tired of admiring. The pieces were all +of an octagon shape, arranged in little circles of different colors; and +in the centre of each circle was a piece of white muslin, on which was +written in tiny characters the name of the person who had made the +circle, and two lines of poetry. This album quilt was a good many years +old; and had been made by the ladies of the neighborhood, as a tribute +of respect to Aunt Henshaw, on account of her many acts of bravery and +presence of mind during the trying times of the Revolution. + +The old lady was never weary of describing the grand quilting, which +took place in an old stone barn on the premises; when they all came at +one o'clock, and sitting down to work, scarcely spoke a word until six, +when the quilt was triumphantly pronounced to be completed; and taking +it from the frame, they proceeded to arrange a large table, set out with +strawberries and cream, dough-nuts, chickens, cider, and almost every +incongruous eatable that could be mentioned. Washington was then +President, and after drinking his health in cider, coffee, and tea, +which last was then a very precious commodity, being served in cups +exactly the size of a doll's set, they all in turn related stories or +personal anecdotes of the great General, of whom Aunt Henshaw never +spoke without the greatest reverence and enthusiasm. He died when I was +very young, so that I never saw him; but I have visited his tomb, and +his residence at Mount Vernon, and have also seen portraits of him that +were pronounced to be life-like by those who were intimately acquainted +with him. + +Aunt Henshaw had actually entertained La Fayette at her house for a +whole night, and she showed me the very room he slept in; while Cousin +Statia produced an album in which he had written his name. I always +experienced a burning desire to possess some memento of the +distinguished men whose names are woven in the annals of our country; +and seating myself at the table with the album before me, I spent +several hours in trying to copy the illustrious autograph. But all my +efforts were vain; I could produce nothing like it, and was obliged to +return the book to its favored owner. + +I delighted to spell out the album quilt until I knew almost every line +by heart; while the curious medley which these different scraps of +poetry presented reminded me very much of a play, in which one person +repeats a line, to which another must find a rhyme. When Aunt Henshaw +died, which was just about the time that I was grown up, she left the +quilt to me in her will; because, as she said. I had always been so +fond of it. I still have it carefully packed away, and regard it as +quite a treasure. + +But very often, during a voyage of discoveries through rooms that were +seldom used, I passed various boxes, and awkward-looking little trunks, +and curious baskets, that struck me as being particularly interesting in +appearance. But Aunt Henshaw always said: "Those are Statia's--we must +not touch them," and passed quickly on, without in the least indulging +my excited curiosity. Whether Cousin Statia kept wild animals, or +mysterious treasures, or old clothes, in all these places, I was unable +to conclude; but I determined to find out if possible. Having one day +accompanied her upstairs, she proceeded to unlock a large trunk which I +had always regarded with longing eyes; and opening them very wide, that +I might take in as much as possible in a hasty survey, what was my +disappointment to see her take out a couple of linen pillow-cases, +nicely ruffled, while at least a dozen or two more remained, together +with a corresponding number of sheets, table-cloths, napkins, &c.! All +of home-made manufacture, and seeming to my youthful ideas enough to +last a life-time. What could Cousin Statia possibly do with all these +things? Or what had she put them there for? I knew that Aunt Henshaw +possessed inexhaustible stores, and I could not imagine why Cousin +Statia found it necessary to have her's separate. I pondered the matter +over for two or three days, and then concluded to apply to Holly for +information on the desired point. + +"Why, lor bless you!" said the colored girl in a mysterious manner, +"Didn't you know that Miss Statia has been crossed in love?" + +Holly announced this fact as a sufficiently explanatory one; but I could +not comprehend what connection there was between being crossed in love, +and a large trunk of bran new things. + +"Why, I quite pities your ignorance, Miss Amy! In old times," continued +my informant, as though dwelling on her own particular virtue in this +respect, "in old times people didn't used to be half so lazy as they am +now-a-days, and thought nothing at all of sewing their fingers to the +bone, or spinning their nails off, or knittin' forever; and when gals +growed up, and had any thoughts of gittin' married, they set to work and +made hull trunks full of things, and people used to call them spinsters. +Now Miss Statia has been fillin' trunks and baskets ever sense she could +do anything, so that she's got a pretty likely stock--but no one ever +came along this way but what was married already, and that's the meanin' +of bein' crossed in love. But don't for your life go to tellin' +nobody--they'd most chop my head off, if it should come out." + +I asked Holly how she had ascertained the fact; "Oh," she replied, +knowingly, "there ain't much that escapes me. I know pretty much every +article in this house, and hear whatever's goin' on. Key-holes is a +great convenience; and though it ain't very pleasant to be squatin' in +cold entries, and fallin' in the room sometimes, when people open the +door without no warnin', yet I'm often there when they think I'm safe in +the kitchin. Miss Statia once boxed my ears and sent me to bed, when she +happened to ketch me listinin'; but it didn't smart much, and people +can't 'spect to gather roses without thistles." + +Holly often interspersed her conversation with various quotations and +wise reflections; but the idea of listening at key-holes quite shocked +my sense of honor, and I endeavored to remonstrate with her upon the +practice. + +"It won't do for you to talk so, Miss Amy," was her sagacious reply; +"you mus'n't quarrel with the ship that carries you safe over. If I had +not listened at key-holes, you'd never have known what was in them +trunks." + +The truth of this remark was quite manifest; and concluding that I was +not exactly suited to the character of admonisher, I never renewed the +attempt. + +Aunt Henshaw had boxes of old letters which she estimated among her +greatest valuables; and sometimes, when the sun was shining brightly +without, and the soft air of summer waving the trees gently to and fro, +the old lady would invite me in a mysterious manner to her room, and +drawing forth an almost endless package, open letter after letter, and +read to me the correspondence of people whom I cared nothing about. I +tried very hard to suppress all signs of yawning, for I wanted to be out +at play; but I must have been ungrateful not to exercise a little +patience with one so kind and affectionate, and she, dear old soul! +evidently considered it the greatest treat she could offer me. I became +in this manner acquainted with the whole history of her courtship; and +charmed with so quiet a listener, she would read to me till I fairly +fell asleep. But her thoughts being entirely occupied with the past, and +her eyes in endeavoring to decipher the faded hand-writing, this +inattention passed unobserved; and she pursued her reading until called +off by her daily duties. + +Dear old lady! how often have I watched her when she was asleep, as with +the neat white frill of her cap partially shading her face, she sat in +the large chair with her hands folded together, and her spectacles lying +on the book in her lap. She looked so pure and calm that I sometimes +felt afraid that she might be dead, like old people I had heard of who +died quietly in their sleep; but I could not bear the idea, and a +feeling of inexpressible relief would come over me when I beheld the +lids slowly rise again from the mild eyes that were ever bent lovingly +upon me. + +She bad a box piled with rolls of manuscript containing poetry, which +she told me she had taken great pleasure in composing. "Saturday +nights," said she, "when everything was in order, and, the next day +being Sunday, I had no household cares to think of, I would amuse myself +in composing verses that were seldom shown to any one. Mr. Henshaw was a +most excellent man and a kind husband, but he had no taste for poetry, +and considered it a great waste of time. Another thing that helped to +set him against it was an unfortunate poem that I composed on the event +of a marriage that took place in the neighborhood. The gentleman had +courted the lady for a number of years without success; and after +praising his constancy, I dwelt on the beauteous Eliza's charms, and +said something about winning the goal at last. But they were very much +offended; they supposed that I was ridiculing them, and said that I had +represented them as doing a great many foolish things which they had +never thought of. There was no use in attempting to pacify them--I had +thrown away my poetry where it was not appreciated; and Mr. Henshaw +exclaimed in a tone of annoyance: 'Now do, I beg of you, never let me +see you again at the writing-desk! You have done as much mischief with +your pen as other women accomplish with their tongues.' So I never sent +poetry again to other people; but whenever I felt lonely, I sat down and +wrote, and it has really been a great comfort to me. One of these days, +Amy, I shall give this all to you." + +When I returned home, the poetry was carefully laid in the bottom of my +trunk; but I have my suspicions that for sometime after Jane kindled the +nursery fire with it. While looking over her things one day. Aunt +Henshaw showed me an old-fashioned pair of ear-rings, which I admired +very much. + +"I intended to give these to you, Amy," said she, "but I see that your +ears have not been pierced." + +"Why, I thought those holes always grew in people's ears!" said I, in +surprise. "Have I none in mine?" + +"No," she replied, "they are always made with a needle, or some sharp +instrument." + +"Does it hurt?" I inquired. + +"Not much," was her reply, and so the subject dropped, but I still +pursued it in thought. + +I fancied myself decked with the ear-rings, and the pleasure I should +experience in showing them to Mammy and Jane; but then on the other +hand, the idea of the needle was anything but agreeable, for I could not +bear the least pain. I wavered for sometime between the advantages and +disadvantages of the operation. This state of mind led me to notice +people's ears much more than I had formerly done; and perceiving that +Sylvia's were adorned with a pair of large gold hoops, I applied to her +for advice. + +"Why, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, in surprise, "you are real shaller, if +you don't have your ears bored after that! Why, I'd made a hole in my +nose in half a minit, if somebody'd only give me a gold ring to put +through it!" + +"Who bored _your_ ears, Sylvia?" said I at length. + +"Why, I did it myself, to be sure. Any body can do that--jest take a +needle and thread and draw it right through." + +I shuddered involuntarily; but just then Sylvia moved her head a little, +and the rings shook and glittered so fascinatingly that I resolved to +become a martyr to the cause of vanity. The colored woman having agreed +to perform the office, and Aunt Henshaw and Statia being out for the +afternoon, I seated myself on a chair with my back against the dresser; +while Sylvia mounted the few steps that led to her sleeping-room in +order to search for a needle, and Holly endeavored to keep up my courage +by representing the fascinating appearance I should present when +decorated with ear-rings. + +Sylvia soon came down, with needle, and thread, and cork; while I began +to tremble and turn pale on perceiving the instruments of torture. I had +quite forgotten how disagreeable needles felt in the flesh; and Sylvia's +first attempt was brought to a sudden end by a loud scream, which would +certainly have roused the neighbors had there been any near. + +"Now, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, "I had your ear almost bored then. But +if you're going to cut up such didos I shall leave off directly--it +ain't no such great fun for me." + +She was going up stairs with a very resolute air, and again the +ear-rings flashed and glittered; and having by this time lost the acute +sense of pain, I called her back and begged her to proceed. + +"Now mind," said she, "if you holler again, I'll jest stop at once." + +I glued my lips firmly together, while she again adjusted the cork and +needle; but I could hardly bear it, and trembled like an aspen leaf. One +ear was soon pierced, while I felt the needle in every part of my frame; +and Sylvia was proceeding to do the other, but I jumped up suddenly, +exclaiming: "Oh Sylvia! I cannot have the other one bored! It will kill +me!" + +"Well, I wouldn't if I was you, Miss Amy," said she, "cos you can hang +both rings in one ear, you know--and that'll look real beautiful, won't +it, Holly?" + +Holly burst into a loud fit of laughter, and through the effects of +ridicule, I submitted a second time to the infliction. But it was +impossible to endure the suffering any longer; the color gradually +faded from my face, and just as Sylvia concluded, she found that I had +fainted. The two were very much frightened, and after almost drowning me +with water, they lifted me up and carried me to my own bed. Aunt Henshaw +soon came home, and her horror at my situation was only equalled by her +astonishment. Sylvia did not tell her the cause of my sudden illness; +but she soon discovered it by a glance at my ears which were much +inflamed and swollen, having been pierced in a very bungling manner. +Sylvia received such a severe reprimand that she was almost angry enough +to leave on the spot; but she had only erred through ignorance, and I +succeeded at length in reconciling her mistress. + +"But, my dear Amy," said the kind old lady, as she sat down beside me, +"Why is it that you are always getting into some trouble if left to +yourself for ever so short a time? You cannot tell the pain it gives me. +Why, an account of your various scrapes since you have been here would +almost fill a book." + +What could I reply? It was a natural and most unfortunate propensity +which displayed itself everywhere; as well with Mammy in the precincts +of the nursery, as when roaming about at Aunt Henshaw's. + +"But the ear-rings?" said I. "You will give them to me now, will you +not? I should _so_ much like to have them!" + +"And so you shall have them, dear," replied Aunt Henshaw. "It would he +cruel to refuse them after your suffering so much for them. But I never +would have mentioned them had I had any idea of such an unfortunate +result." + +Supposing that it would please me, she got them out of the case and laid +them beside me. They were very pretty, to be sure, but oh! how much +suffering those ear-rings caused me! My poor ears were very sore for a +long time, and I would sit for hours leaning my head on a pillow, in +hopes of easing the pain. And yet, when they were at last well, and the +ear-rings really in, I almost forgot what I had suffered in the delight +I experienced at my supposed transformation. They were the admiration of +the kitchen; and even Aunt Henshaw and Cousin Statia allowed that +ear-rings were a great improvement; and I began to think that on my +return home they would even throw Ellen Tracy's curls into the shade. + +The summer was passing away--harvest had come and gone; and while the +others were engaged during this busy season, I was to be seen perched on +every load of hay, from which I had of course two or three tumbles, but +always on some pile beneath. The kittens had grown large and awkward, +and consequently lost my favor; while the cat no longer put herself to +the trouble of hiding them, so that I could now have them whenever I +chose--coming like most other privileges when no longer desired. The +evenings were getting chilly, so that a fire was very acceptable; and I +loved to sit by the bright flame before the candles were brought in, and +listen to Aunt Henshaw's stories. + +"Now," said I one evening when we had all comfortably arranged ourselves +to spend the twilight in doing nothing, "do tell me a very interesting +story, Aunt Henshaw--for you know that I am going home soon, and perhaps +it is the last that I shall hear." + +"Well," said she with a smile, "if it is to be so very interesting, I +must think very hard first." + +Cousin Statia had been looking towards the door, when she suddenly +inquired: "Did you ever tell her about the bullet hole?" + +"Why, no," replied the old lady, "I do not believe I ever did. Have you +noticed the round hole in the front door, Amy?" + +I replied in the negative; and taking me into the hall, she led the way +to the front door which opened in two parts, and in the upper half I +distinctly perceived a bullet hole which had been made by the British; +and it was the story attached to this very hole which she was about to +tell me. + +"Well, one night," said she, "a long while ago, I sat by the fire with +the baby in my arms, while the other children were playing around. The +two women servants were in the kitchen, and Mr. Henshaw had taken the +men several miles off, on some business relating to the farm. It was +just about this time, before the candles were lit; and one of the women +came in to tell me that five British soldiers were approaching the +house. + +"Fasten all the doors then," said I, "and let no one enter unless I +give you permission." + +The doors were well fastened up, and before long I heard them knocking +with the ends of their muskets. I let them knock for some time; but at +length I raised an upper window, and asked them what they wanted. + +"We want some supper," they replied, "and will probably stay all night." + +"It is not in my power to accommodate you." I replied, as coolly as +possible, "nor do I feel willing to admit any visitors in the absence of +my husband." + +"If you do not admit us soon we will break the door down!" they +exclaimed. + +"Of that I am not much afraid," said I; "it is too well secured." + +I withdrew from the window, and for half an hour they tried various +means of effecting an entrance, but it was impossible. I approached the +window again, and they called out: "If you do not have the door opened, +we shall certainly fire!" + +"Do so," I replied; "there is no one to injure by it except helpless +women and children." + +I did not suppose they would do it--I thought it was intended only for +a threat; and was therefore as much surprised as any of the others, when +a bullet came whizzing through the front door, and passing through a +pane of glass in an opposite window, fell into the yard. A dreadful +scream arose from the servants, and perhaps frightened for the effects, +or perceiving my husband and the men, they made a hasty retreat; and I +was just ready to sink from fright when Mr. Henshaw came in. He told me +never to stop up the bullet-hole, but to leave it to show what women +were made of in the Revolution. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +Cousin Statia had completed her winter's knitting, Aunt Henshaw began to +make pumpkin pies, and the period of my visit was rapidly drawing to a +close. The letters from home grew more and more solicitous for my +return, and at last the day was fixed. I felt anxious to see them all +again, and yet rather sorry to lay aside my present state of freedom. I +had quite escaped from leading-strings, and found it very pleasant to +follow the bent of my inclination as I had done at Aunt Henshaw's; but +absence had banished all memory of the thorns I had sometimes +encountered in my career at home, and I thought only of the roses--the +idea of change being also a great inducement. + +Holly and I had passed whole afternoons in gathering hazel-nuts which +grew near a fence not far from the house; and having filled a very +respectable-sized bag with them, I felt quite impatient at the idea of +returning home well-laden with supplies, like any prudent housekeeper. +Aunt Henshaw was to accompany me, and selecting some of her choicest +produce, and an immense bunch of herbs, as antidotes for all the aches +and ills which human flesh is heir to, on a bright, glowing September +morning, we set forward on my homeward journey. "Blessings brighten as +they leave us;" and although I had been considered the torment of the +whole household, all regretted my departure, and begged me to come soon +again. + +"Now, Miss Amy," said Sylvia, as I was taking a long private farewell in +the kitchen, "jest take a piece of advice from an old colored woman what +has lived longer in the world than you have, and roasted chickens and +fried sassages ever sense she can remember. Buckwheat cakes is very +good, but to keep your own counsel is a heap better--so when you go home +don't you go to telling about that ere pig-pen business, or the time +when the old hen flewed at you, or tumbling off the old horse. People +that don't say nothin' often gits credit for bein' quite sensible, and +p'raps you can deceive 'em too; for you'll be kind o' made a fuss with +when you fust get home, and if you don't let on about all these here +scrapes they'll think more of you." + +Sylvia's advice struck me as being very sensible, and I therefore +resolved to act upon it, and endeavor to make them consider me quite a +different character from the hoyden Amy. I kissed Cousin Statia, who +took up her sewing as calmly as though nothing of any importance was +about to occur; and having delighted Holly's eyes with a bright ribbon +in which all the colors of the rainbow seemed combined, I presented +Sylvia with a collar worked by myself, and passed out to the stage, +which was waiting for us. Our journey home was quite an uneventful one; +and the wind being more favorable, we were not so long on the passage. + +My parents were watching for us with anxious solicitude; but when the +door opened in bounded a wild, blooming hoyden, in whose sparkling eyes +and glowing cheeks they could detect no trace of the delicate invalid. +Henry and Fred, with a troop of younger brothers, stood ready to devour +me with kisses; but Mammy, rushing impulsively forward, pushed them all +aside, and cried and laughed over me alternately, while she almost +crushed me with the violence of her affection. Before I was well seated, +Fred spied out the bag of hazel-nuts; and a vigorous sound of cracking +informed me that the work of devastation had already commenced. + +How they all stared at my ear-rings! But mamma turned pale and burst +into tears; while I stood still, feeling very uncomfortable, and yet not +being exactly aware of the manner in which I had displeased her. Aunt +Henshaw, however, with a minute accuracy that struck me as being +painfully correct, related every circumstance connected with that +unfortunate business, from her finding me extended on the bed to the +time when the rings were placed in my ears. + +"Oh Amy! how could you!" exclaimed my mother; "I have always despised +the barbarous practice of making holes in the flesh for the sake of +ornament," she continued, "but to have them pierced by an ignorant +colored woman! Come here, child, and let me look at your ears. They are +completely spoiled!" she exclaimed, "the holes are one-sided, and close +to the very bone! What is to be done?" + +Aunt Henshaw suggested that it would be better to let those grow up, and +have others made in the right place; but I still retained a vivid +recollection of that scene of torture, and did not therefore feel +willing to have it repeated. But the ear-rings must come out--they were +no ornament all one-sided; so they were laid away in cotton, while I had +the pleasure of reflecting on the suffering I had endured for nothing. +Being thus brought down at the very commencement of my attempt to be +sensible, and finding it less trouble to resume my natural character, I +concluded to disregard Sylvia's well-meant advice. I was very poor at +keeping a secret; so one by one all the scrapes in which I had figured +came to light, to the great horror of the others, and the delight of +Fred, who was quite pleased to discover a congenial soul. + +Mammy at length seized upon me again, and carrying me almost by force +to the nursery, she locked the door and sat down beside me; determined, +as she said, to have me to herself for a while. Having requested an +account of all the adventures I had met with, she listened with the most +absorbed attention while I unfolded the various circumstances of my +visit. Mammy was sometimes amused, sometimes frightened, and often +shocked, but generally for the dignity of the family; for as I had been +its representative, she feared that it would suffer in the eyes of the +country people. + +Time passed on; Aunt Henshaw returned home, and things proceeded in +their usual way. My vanity was flattered by the increased attention +which I met with on all sides; my parents appeared to consider me much +less of a child since my return, and I was in consequence almost +emancipated from the nursery; while Mammy and Jane no longer chided me +for my misdemeanors--which, to say the truth, were much less frequent +than formerly. + +But I soon after experienced a great source of regret in the departure +of Ellen Tracy for boarding-school. Not being an only daughter like +myself, her parents could better spare her; but we were almost +inconsolable at parting, and having shed abundance of tears, presented +each other with keepsakes as mementos of our unchanging friendship. Hers +was a little china cup, which I have kept to this day, while I gave her +a ring made of my own hair; so that, for want of Ellen's company, I was +obliged to take up with her brother's; and the boys complained that I +kept Charles so much to myself it was impossible to make him join any of +their excursions. + +It was my twelfth birthday; and on the evening of that day I feared that +Mammy's oft-repeated threat of leaving us, at which we had so often +trembled in our younger days, was about to be verified. A married sister +was taken very ill, and Mammy was immediately sent for to take care of +her; and indeed we were afraid that she would be obliged to stay there +altogether, on account of her nephews and nieces. How dreary the nursery +seemed after her departure! In vain did the good-natured Jane exert +herself to tell her most amusing stories; they had lost their interest; +and yielding to her feelings, she became at length as dull as any of us. + +In about a week Mammy returned; but we could see that she was changed; +her sister had died and left five children but illy provided for. +Through the influence of my father, different situations were obtained +for the three eldest; while the old nurse, with the assistance of +occasional charity, supported the two younger ones. But Mammy had +suffered from sleepless nights, and rooms but illy warmed; and her own +health failed during her ceaseless watch by the bedside of her sister. +We did not know exactly what it was, but felt very sure that Mammy +seemed no longer like the same person. + +Children who are kept at a distance by their parents and elders, often +have very queer thoughts, whose existence no one imagines. I do not +think I was an ordinary child; and notwithstanding my hoyden nature had +a very thoughtful turn of mind. I well recollect, on being once sent +early to bed for some misdemeanor I bribed my brother Fred to accompany +me; and waking up during the night, the saying that "he who goes to bed +in anger has the devil for his bed-fellow" came across my mind, and +impressed me so strongly that I caught hold of Fred's foot to ascertain +whether it was so disagreeable a guest, or my own madcap brother who was +lying beside me. Even the kick I received in return was rather welcome +than otherwise, as it proved beyond a doubt that it was really the +veritable Fred. + +But what has this to do with Mammy? you ask. A great deal, I can assure +you; for I began to fear that it was not the old nurse who had returned +to us, but some strange being, who, having assumed her appearance, had +not been able altogether to imitate her manner. So I kept myself aloof, +and felt afraid to venture too close; but she grew thinner and paler, +and my mother relieved her from all care of the children. + +I slept in a small closet that opened into the nursery; and calling me +very softly one night, she said, "Miss Amy, will you bring me a pitcher +of water? I know they would not let me have it," she continued as I +attempted to remonstrate with her, "but I am determined not to die +choking." + +I was very much frightened, but I could not see her suffer with thirst; +and bringing her a large pitcher of water, she drank almost half of it +at once. "Now place it on a chair where I can reach it," said she, "and +go back to bed--I shall be better soon." + +I did as she requested, and, childlike, soon fell asleep again. The old +nurse too slept--but hers was the sleep that knows no waking. They came +in the next morning and found her dead. Her features were peaceful as +though she had died calmly, and beside her stood the pitcher empty. She +always said that if she should ever be ill, she _would_ have water--she +would drink till she died, and she had literally done so. We all felt +very sad, and Fred broke forth into loud screams, on being told of her +death. + +It was my first realization of death--the first corpse I had ever seen; +and as I knelt beside the coffin, where the pale hands that lay +cross-folded on the breast, the motionless features, and the dreadful +stillness of the whole figure, spoke eloquently of the change that had +taken place, I thought of my many acts of wilfulness, ingratitude, and +unkindness, which had often pained the loving heart that had now forever +ceased to beat. Could I but see those still features again animated with +life, I felt that never again would my tongue utter aught but words of +kindness; but it was now too late for amendment--there was nothing left +me but repentance. + +My parents too grieved at her death; she had been in the family so long +that they were loathe to miss the old familiar face from its post in the +nursery. She was buried from our own house; and there were more true +mourners at her funeral than often fall to the lot of the great and +gifted. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +"Papa, have you any relations?" I asked one evening rather suddenly, +after pondering over the subject and wondering why it was that our +family consisted of no one but papa, and mamma, and us children; while +other people always had aunts, or uncles, or cousins living with them. +We had plenty, to be sure, who came and made visits at different times; +but I meant some one to live with us altogether. + +"What a curious question!" said my father, smiling, "And how suddenly +you bolted out with it, Amy, after at least half an hour's silence. You +must have thought deeply on the subject, but what put it into your head +just now?" + +Not knowing exactly what to say, I wisely remained silent; and turning +to my mother, he continued in a low tone: "Do you know that this random +question of Amy's has awakened some not very welcome reminiscences, and +pointed out a line of duty which does not promise much pleasure beyond +the consciousness of doing right? I ought to invite an addition to the +family without delay." + +"Are you joking, or in earnest?" inquired my mother, "And if in earnest, +pray whom do you refer to?" + +"You will soon find it to be most solid, substantial earnest," rejoined +my father, "for I must this very evening write a letter to Mrs. +Chesbury, senior, the step-mother of whom you have heard me speak, +inviting her to spend the summer with us. She has, you know, resided at +the South since my father's death, occasionally visiting her relatives +at the North; and as we have never yet been honored with her company, +that pleasure is still in store for us. My recollections of her, to be +sure, are not so very delightful. She was very severe in her discipline, +and continually checked my pleasures and enjoyments, which she usually +exchanged for some long, heavy, incomprehensible task; and at the first +blunder in recitation, off came her shoe, which she immediately laid +across my shoulders with the most unremitting zeal. I recollect her +whipping me one day when it really appeared to me that I had not been in +the least to blame. I was quite a little fellow then, and drawing my +hand across my eyes, I sobbed forth: 'I wish one of us in this room was +dead, I do--I don't wish it was me--and I don't wish it was the +cat--' Whatever I had intended to add was suddenly cut short; and I began +to think that it was rather foolish of me to subject myself to two +whippings instead of one. I have quite escaped from leading-strings +now," added my father with an expressive look; but the old lady may be +of considerable assistance in keeping you young ones in order. + +The children looked frightened; and Fred, being now too old to dread any +whippings on his own account, kindly undertook the instruction of his +younger brothers in the art of being saucy and playing practical jokes. +We were told to call her "grandmother," and treat her with the greatest +respect; but as I dwelt upon my father's account of her, like the +magician in olden story, I almost trembled at the visitor I had invoked. +The letter was written and despatched; and after a while, an answering +one received, in which the step-mother accepted her son-in-law's +invitation, "for the sake," as she said, "of the many happy hours they +had formerly enjoyed together." I sat reading in a distant corner of the +room when this letter was received, almost concealed by the folds of the +curtains; and the other children being out of the room, I overheard my +father say: + +"I do not remember much else but being whipped, and sent supperless to +bed; if they _were_ happy hours, it must have been on the principle of +the frogs--'What is play to you is death to us.'" + +My mother smiled; but she replied softly: "Perhaps she is changed now, +Arthur; do not say anything against her before the children, for she is +a stranger, entitled to our hospitality--and I would not have her +welcome a chilling one." + +In process of time the old lady arrived, accompanied by a colored +servant who answered to the name of Venus. Fred christened her "the +black divinity," at which she became highly offended; and ever after, +there was a perpetual war of words waging between the two. My +grandmother was a small, dark-complexioned woman, with an exceedingly +haughty, and very repulsive expression. She received all her +daughter-in-law's endeavors to make her feel at home as a natural right; +and appeared to consider other people intended only for her sole use and +benefit. As I glanced from her to my mother's fair, soft beauty, and +strikingly sweet expression, I formed a comparison between the two not +much to my grandmother's advantage. + +We soon found that the old lady had a great idea of taking the reins +into her own hands; the children were scolded, and threatened, and +locked up in dark closets, until, to use their own expression, they +became, most "dreadfully good," and never dared to show off under the +espionage of those eagle eyes. During the summer, our parents were +absent for some weeks on a pleasure jaunt; and Grandmother Chesbury +having the entire control of us, we were obliged to behave very +differently from usual. She kept us all in awe except Fred; but on him +it was impossible to make the least impression. If she tyrannized over +the rest us, it was abundantly repaid by the teazings of my mischievous +brother. + +The old lady was extremely violent in temper, and after irritating it to +the highest pitch, or, as he termed it, "putting on the steam," he +provoked her still more by his polite sarcasms and tantalizing replies. +The object of contest between them was generally the last word in the +argument; and when victory appeared to incline neither to one side nor +the other, my grandmother would exclaim angrily: "Hold your tongue this +moment, you impertinent boy! Not another word." + +"Yes'm," Fred would reply, with every appearance of submission. + +Having triumphed up stairs, he generally went in search of Venus, whose +anger was almost as vehement as that of her mistress. Her time, when not +attending to Mrs. Chesbury, was chiefly occupied by the duties of the +toilet; and Jane asserted that she had anxiously inquired if there were +no respectable colored gentlemen about the place? Venus always bestowed +a great deal of pains on the arrangement of her head covering, which was +profusely decorated with combs of various shapes and sizes; but "thereby +hangs a tale" which must be told. + +Good beef is very scarce at the South, and Southerners therefore +consider it a great treat when they come North. My grandmother was very +fond of it frizzled; and Venus being quite _au fait_ in the manufacture +of this dish, the old lady never allowed any one else to make it for +her. One afternoon, during my parents' absence, the children being +disposed of in various ways--some had gone out for a walk, two were +playing together in a closet where they had been locked up, and others +were rambling about the grounds--the house was pretty clear; so my +grandmother resolved to enjoy a treat in her own apartment. A small +table was nicely laid out with all the requisites for a comfortable tea, +and Venus then departed to the kitchen to dish up some frizzled beef. + +But it so happened that the odor of the savory dish, in its passage up +stairs, found its way to the nostrils of Master Fred, who had been +quietly engaged in some wonderfully wise researches in the library; and +as even philosophers are not exempt from the earth-born love of good +things, out rushed our student with a polite request that Venus would +"allow him to taste the trash, and see if it was fit to be sent to Mrs. +Chesbury." A scuffle ensued, in which Fred succeeded in satisfying his +curiosity; and with considerably ruffled plumage, and not in the +sweetest state of mind, Venus proceeded up stairs. Fred slyly followed; +and peeping through the key-hole of a door that opened into my +grandmother's room, he determined to watch the progress of the feast. +Things looked very tempting, and he had half a mind to petition for a +seat at the table; but he began to think that, even should he succeed in +his request, a _seat_ would be all he could gain; for the old lady +attacked the eatables very much in the style of a school-boy just come +home for the holidays. The frizzled beef rapidly disappeared, till the +bottom of the dish was scarcely covered; but suddenly ceasing her +attacks upon it, my grandmother took the dish in her hand, and pointing +to some black substance, interrogated the colored girl in accents of +mingled doubt and horror. + +"Why Venus, come here! What--what--what _is_ this?" + +"Why, la, Missus!" exclaimed Venus, while every feature brightened with +joyful surprise, "If there ain't my little comb, what I lost in the +scuffle with Master Fred! Who would have thought to find it here!" + +"Who, indeed!" ejaculated the old lady, in a voice scarcely audible. + +My grandmother did not leave her room that evening, and we were told +that she was ill; while it is scarcely necessary to add that Fred never +again interfered with any of Venus' cookeries. When repeating the story, +he always dwelt upon the ridiculous tableau presented by the horrified +looks of the old lady, as she pointed to the suspicious-looking +article--and the delight and surprise of Venus at recovering her lost +property in such an unexpected manner. He possessed a great talent for +drawing; and before long, a caricature appeared, which was a most +life-like representation of the whole scene. My mother shook her head, +and my father delivered a short, but expressive lecture upon the +improper nature of mimicry; but in the midst of an edifying discourse +Fred suddenly displayed the drawing in full view--at which all the +children burst into peals of laughter, and my father abruptly closed his +sermon, and frowning sternly, walked into the library; but we could +perceive a nervous twitching about the corners of his mouth, which +looked very much at variance with the frown upon his brow. + +My mother too, fixed her eyes steadfastly upon her sewing, and refused +to look up; which Fred saucily told her was only because she knew she +would laugh if she did. We were then told that we had been naughty +children, and sent out of the room; but somehow, we did not feel as +though we had been _very_ bad, or that our parents were very angry with +us, and skipping along through the garden-walks, we next sent Jane +almost into convulsions of laughter by a display of the picture. Mamma, +however, burned it before long; she said that it was highly improper to +ridicule our grandmother, even if she _had_ faults, and that we must +bear with her kindly, and not forget how few pleasures she enjoyed. Dear +mamma! she was too kind--too good; and often met with the fate of +such--imposition. + +I once heard of a lady who went to a house to make a call, and stayed +eleven years; this was somewhat similar to my grandmother's case--she +came to pass the summer with us, and spent her life-time. Whenever she +spoke of going back to the South, my father urged her to stay, and gave +convincing reasons why she should prolong her visit; and my mother, too, +kindly reflecting that the old lady had no near relatives and seemed to +enjoy herself with us, added her entreaties. At last they told her that +there was no reason why she should not stay altogether; and she appeared +to think so too, for she stayed. As we grew more accustomed to her we +liked her better than at first; she told us long stories about the +South, and related anecdotes of the greatness, and wealth, and +distinguished position of her own family, which she considered superior +to any in the United States. Venus too came into more favor; and after a +while we almost forgot the beef story. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + +Time passed on; I had almost reached my fifteenth birthday, and began +to consider myself no longer a child. I was very tall for my age, and +quite showy-looking; and gentlemen who visited at the house now treated +me with all the attention due a young lady; which flattered my vanity +very much, and made me think them very agreeable. I remember my father's +once sending me from the room, on account of some gentleman's nonsense +which he considered me too young to listen to; but I felt very much hurt +at such treatment, and almost regarded myself as some heroine of romance +imprisoned by cruel parents. Novels were a great injury to me, as indeed +they are to every one. Their style was much more extravagant and +unnatural than at the present day; and even at this early age, I had +read the "Children of the Abbey," the "Mysteries of Udolpho," the +"Scottish Chiefs," "Thaddeus of Warsaw," and many others of the same +stamp. + +But how did I obtain these, you ask? My mother, with her sense and +discernment, would not have placed such books in my hands; and you are +right. My grandmother was an inveterate novel-reader, but very careful +that her books fell into no other hands; so that the only means of +satisfying my taste for romantic reading was by stealth. Although novels +were proscribed, no other books were placed in my hands; there were then +scarcely any children's books published, and consumed as I was by an +inordinate passion for reading, was determined to indulge it without +being very particular about the means. How often have I watched my +opportunity when my grandmother had left her apartment for an afternoon +visit or drive, and then drawn forth the cherished volume from beneath +the pillow and even from between the bed and sacking bottom! so +carefully were they concealed from view. Sometimes, indeed, she locked +the door of her room, and took the key with her; and then all ingress +was impossible. + +What wild, foolish dreams I indulged in!--What romantic-visions of the +future that were never realized! How well I remember my sensations on +reading the "Scottish Chiefs." Wallace appeared to me almost in the +light of a god--so noble, so touching were all his acts and words, that +I even envied Helen Mar the privilege of calling herself his wife, and +then dying to lay her head in the same grave with him. I resolved to +give up all the common-place of life, and cling unto the spiritual--to +purify myself from every earth-born wish and habit, and live but in the +hope of meeting with a second Wallace. I persevered in this resolution +for a whole week; and then meeting with some equally delightful hero of +an opposite nature, I changed from grave to gay. My mood during these +periods of fascination was as variable as the different heroines I +admired. Now I would imitate the pensiveness of Amanda, and go about +with streaming tresses, and a softly modulated tone of voice--then I +would read of some sprightly heroine who changed all by her vivacity +and piquant sayings, and immediately commence springing down three +stairs at a time, teazing all the children, and making some reply to +everything that was said, which sometimes passed for wit but oftener for +impudence--and then again some noble, self-sacrificing character would +excite my admiration, and oh! how I longed for some opportunity to +signalize myself! A bullet aimed at some loved one, whom I could protect +by rushing forward and receiving it myself; but I was not to be killed, +only sufficiently wounded to make me appear interesting--disabled in the +arm, perhaps, without much suffering, for bodily pain never formed a +prominent feature in my ideas of the romantic and striking--I was too +great a coward; or else a plunge into the waves to rescue some drowning +person from perishing, when I wished just to come near enough to death +to elevate me into a heroine for after life. + +I looked in the glass, and seeing large, dark eyes, a healthful bloom, +and rather pretty features, I concluded that I need not belong to the +plain and amiable order, and began to wish most enthusiastically for +some romantic admirer; some one who would expose himself to the danger +of a sore throat and influenza for the sake of serenading me--who would +be rather glad than otherwise to risk his life by jumping down a +precipice to bring me some descried wild flower, and who, when away from +me, would pass his time in writing extravagant poetry, of which I was to +be the bright divinity. Old as I am, I feel almost ashamed to repeat +this nonsense now; and had I then possessed more sense myself, or made +by mother the confidant of these flights of fancy, I need not now relate +my own silly experience to warn you from the effects of novel-reading. + +Charles Tracy did not at all realize my romantic ideas of a hero; and +one bright day the dissatisfaction which had been gradually gathering in +my mind expressed itself in words. I had gone down to a lake at the +bottom of the garden to indulge in high-flown meditations; and Charles +Tracy stood beside one of the boats which were always kept there. + +"Come, Amy," said he, as I drew near, "it is a beautiful day--let us +have a row across the lake." + +"No," said I, twining my arm around one of the young trees near, "I +prefer remaining here." + +"You had better come with me," rejoined Charles, "instead of keeping +company there with the snapping-turtles. Well," he added after a short +pause, "if you will not come with me, why I must go alone." + +"Go, then!" said I, bitterly, "you love your own pleasure a great deal +better than you do me!" + +"Why Amy!" he exclaimed, coming close to me as though doubtful of my +sanity, "how very strangely you talk! You know that I love you very +much," he continued, "for haven't we been together and quarrelled with +each other ever since I can remember? And do I not now bear the marks of +the time when you threw the cat in my face to end our childish dispute? +And the scar where you stuck the pen-knife in my arm? And don't you +remember how you used to pull my hair out by handfuls? How can I help +loving you when I call to mind all these tender recollections?" + +This reply provoked me very much; and I answered energetically: "You do +_not_ love me!--you do not know how to love I When did you ever make any +sacrifices for me?" I continued in an excited manner, "When did I ever +hear you singing beneath my window in a tone meant for no ear but mine? +When did you ever rush with me out of a burning house, or encounter any +danger for my sake? When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at +midnight when all others were asleep?" + +During the progress of this singular speech, Charles Tracy's countenance +had gradually changed from the surprised to the amused; and when I had +concluded he laughed--yes, he actually laughed! What a damper of +sentiment! + +"Laugh on," said I, in a dignified manner, as I turned my steps +homeward, "that has now put an end to all." + +He was but a boy--I, a _woman_, for should I not be fifteen to-morrow? +and I walked away from him in contempt; while he quietly jumped into the +boat and rowed across the lake, whistling a tune. But I had not +proceeded far before a loud "ha! ha!" from my brother Fred sounded close +at my side; he had been an unobserved listener to the whole +conversation, now enjoyed the pleasure of teasing me all the way home. + +"That's right, Amy!" said he, "Keep up your dignity, child. What a rich +scene! _'When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at midnight +when all others were asleep?'_ Rather a hopeless watch, I'm thinking, as +you sleep in the middle room between mother's and the nursery; and +between you and I, Amy, you know that you don't burn a taper, but a +brass lamp; but that, of course, isn't quite so poetical to tell of. +Such an air, too!--what a rare tragic actress you'd make! Do say it +over, won't you? I have almost forgotten the beginning." + +I gave Fred a boxed ear, which must have stung for sometime afterwards; +and running hastily into the house, locked myself up in my own room till +tea-time. The next day was my birthday; and while my table was strewn +with acceptable gifts from all the others, I perceived among them a +very antiquated-looking cap and pair of spectacles, to the latter of +which was attached a slip of paper, on which was written: "To improve +the impaired sight of my dear sister Amy, produced by her declining +years; also a cap to conceal the gray hairs of age, and 'Young's Night +Thoughts' for the edification of her mind." + +I was almost ready to cry from mortification; but I remembered that I +was now fifteen, and took the articles down stairs for the purpose of +exposing Master Fred, but what did I get for my pains? In justification +he told the story of yesterday, in his own peculiarly humorous way; and +when I saw myself thus reflected, the ridiculous tendency of my words +and manner struck me forcibly, and I was almost ready to laugh. But the +others did that abundantly for me, while wondering where I had picked up +such notions; and Grandmother Chesbury, I verily believe, suspected that +I had been at her novels, for after that I never could find one. + +But although I was thus debarred from receiving any new impressions, the +old ones still continued in full force; and at last came the long +desired opportunity to signalize myself. I was then almost sixteen, and +the treaty of peace with England had just been celebrated. I remember +well the illuminations and festivities on the first night of the +proclamation, which we spent in the city at a friend's house; the +balconies were wreathed with flowers, lights blazed from every window, +crowds of beautifully-dressed women filled the rooms, and the sounds of +music and dancing were heard in every street. It was my first evening in +company--my first experience of admiration; and completely carried away +by the music, the lights, and the occasion, the old desire for some +signalizing deed came thronging back in full force, till I grew almost +bewildered. No opportunity offered that night; I could only join in the +festivities, and listen to the feats and praises of others; but towards +the latter part of the evening my eye was attracted by the brilliant +uniform and handsome appearance of a young officer who passed through +the rooms, and lingered a moment in a distant corner among a knot of +friends who crowded eagerly about him. His commanding figure, beautiful +features, and intellectual, yet sweet, expression, completely realized +all my ideas of a novel-hero; I saw my father speaking to him, and +immediately made signs to introduce him, but before I could catch his +eye, the officer had disappeared. Papa told me that Major Arlington's +father had been an old friend of his, and he would have introduced him +to me, but business called him in another direction, and he could not +stay a moment longer, but promised us a visit at an early day. + +You need not smile, Miss Ella, and look so knowing at the mention of the +name; how do you know that there were not two Arlingtons in the world? +How do you know but that it was his brother I married? How do you +know--but never mind, I will go on with my story. It was several days +after that eventful evening, which still left a vivid impression upon my +mind; the desire to perform some wonderful deed remained in full force, +mingled with visions of the young officer, and I wandered about, without +paying much attention to my ordinary duties. Papa and mamma were both +from home, and Grandmother Chesbury had locked herself up with a new +novel; while I was roaming about the grounds not far from the front +entrance. + +A sound of wheels suddenly struck upon my ear; I supposed it was some +visitor and paid not much attention to it; but before long there was a +confused noise of voices--a sound of plunging and rearing--and a +distinct crashing of some heavy vehicle. My evil genius led me to the +spot; I beheld a handsome carriage, which the horses seemed striving to +dash in pieces--caught a glimpse of a glittering uniform inside--and +following a wild impulse, sprang forward and endeavored to seize the +bridle. I heard some one say, "Take care of the young lady!" and then +the officer jumped from the carriage, while I was thrown down close to +the horses' feet. A confused hum sounded in my ears--and then followed a +long blank. + + * * * * * + +When I awoke to consciousness I found myself lying on a sofa in a small +sitting-room; but no one was bending tenderly over me--not even a +mother's face met my eyes--but the gossip of two women servants grated +painfully on my ear. + +"What under the sun possessed Miss Amy to go and cut up such a caper as +that!" said one of them, "All the mischief she's done this day won't be +done away with for weeks to come." + +"No, indeed!" rejoined the other, "that young officer is a fixture here +for six weeks at least. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor are broken legs +healed in ten minutes--and such a beauty as he is, too! It's shameful to +think of!" + +"If she'd only let him alone, he'd done well enough--but she must go and +jump right under the horses' feet, so that, of course, he had to spring +out to prevent her being killed, and that broke his leg, while she +wasn't hurt a bit. Speaking of beauties, if Miss Amy could only have +seen herself then!--spotted with mud from head to foot, and her hair +flying in all directions!" + +On hearing that I was not hurt, I sprang from the sofa and rushed to the +glass, where I encountered the reflection of a most pitiable-looking +figure. Even my face was daubed with mud and dirt, and I looked like a +veritable fright. Shame, mortification, and sorrow for my heedless +conduct almost overwhelmed me. In the selfish desire to signalize +myself, I had hazarded the life of a fellow-being, and brought upon him +weeks of suffering which no act of mine could now alleviate. The tears +rolled down my cheeks; but having ascertained that my parents had not +yet returned, I cut short the gossip of the servants, and ordering them +to bring me some water, I arranged my disordered dress for a visit to +the sufferer's apartment. + +Doctor Irwin had been instantly sent for; and when I entered the room, +he was seated by his patient's bedside, while Major Arlington lay with +closed eyes and pallid features in a kind of sleep or stupor. + +"Miss Amy," whispered the doctor, "this is a sad business--and your +parents from home, too. What will be their feelings on their return?" + +I glanced at the motionless figure of the young officer, and too much +ashamed to reply, hung my head in silence. + +"Are you sure that you were not at all hurt, my dear child?" he +continued in a kind tone; "What a very wild proceeding it was to throw +yourself into the melee! If two men could not manage the horses, could +you suppose that your strength would be sufficient. You should have +reasoned with yourself before taking such a step, for you see the +unfortunate effects of it." + +_Reason!_ there was not the least particle of reason in my whole +composition; this was a wild, impulsive act, performed without the least +thought for the probable consequences, and I now stood gazing on the +wreck I had made, in silent bewilderment. My parents soon returned; and +hurrying to the apartment with countenances of astonishment and fear, +there realized a confirmation of the dreadful accounts they had been +assailed with. "And who was the author of all this mischief? _Amy_." My +eyes drooped under the stern, reproving glances I encountered, and I +crept about the house like a guilty thing--fervently wishing for the +bodily suffering I had brought upon the victim of my wild attempt, +instead of the pain of mind with which I was tormented. + +Days passed on, but the lapse of time was unheeded by me; my post was by +the bedside of the sufferer--my employment to anticipate his slightest +wish, and yield to every humor. As he grew better I read to him, sung to +him, talked to him; and in return received the grateful glances of those +expressive eyes, which followed me about whenever I moved from his side. +At length he could sit up in his apartment, and then walk slowly through +the grounds, with the assistance of a heavy cane on one side and my arm +on the other; till at last he was pronounced to be as well as other +people; or, as Dr. Irwin expressed it, "as good as new." Your eyes are +brightening up, Ella, in anticipation of a most sentimental love-tale; +but I shall not gratify your desire of laughing at your grandmother's +folly; but shall only say, that before he left, I had promised, with the +consent of my parents, to become Mrs. Arlington. I was married at +eighteen, and, strange to say, to one who appeared a realization of all +my girlish fancies; he was noble-minded, warm-hearted, and almost as +enthusiastic as myself--with a sweetness of temper which I have never +seen raffled, except by some act of injustice or cruelty. + +But do not flatter yourself, Ella, that life glided on with me like the +pages of a romance; I was obliged to lay aside a great many silly +theories which I had indulged in, and come to plain reality much oftener +than suited my inclination. A _perfect_ person is not to be found upon +earth; when disposed to murmur at not meeting with the sacrifices you +expect, ask yourself if you would be willing to make these sacrifices +for another--and then be not surprised that others are not more free +from the dross of self-consideration than you are. Also, do not suppose +that it was my hair-brained performance at our first meeting which +attracted my husband's affections; no, often has the color mounted to my +face at his reference to that scene, and his own impressions then. + +"You reminded me, Amy," he would say, laughing, "of some reckless sprite +from the kingdom of misrule, who had flown into the scene, determined to +make all the trouble she could. It was very chivalrous of you, to be +sure, and I ought to be very grateful--but I must own that I felt +exceedingly provoked at being obliged to risk my life by springing out +to rescue you from the horses' hoofs. But never mind, _chere amie_" he +would add as he saw the hot tears starting to my eyes, while face, neck, +and brow, were suffused with the hue of mortification, "there was an +after-page in the sick-room, when I beheld, with surprise, my crazy +heroine transformed into the demure, and gentle nurse, and learned to +distinguish a soft-toned voice, which always lingered in my ears like +pleasant music; so that after all, I am really indebted to you, Amy, for +making me break my leg--for, if you had not done so, I am afraid I never +should have discovered my jewel of a wife." + +So much for my romance; but the scene generally ended with the kiss of +reconciliation, and I, too, learned to smile at my act of girlish folly. + +"My tale is told; my parents have long slept beside each other, where the +long grass waves over them--my elder brothers are still living--my +brother Henry is a beloved and venerated clergyman in one of our large +cities--while the wild, hair-brained Fred became a talented lawyer in +the same place where he is universally respected. The rest of my +brothers are all dead; and we three only survive out of a family of +nine. Perhaps at some future time I may give you an account of my +residence in England; but I must now conclude my adventures for the +present." + +Here ended my grandmother's history, which had afforded us many evenings +of amusement. We were both surprised and pleased at her frankness in +speaking of her faults and mischievous acts; and could indeed hardly +comprehend that the very sensible, dignified lady before us had ever +been such an odd, harum-scarum sort of character--yet so it was, and she +had kindly related her own experience for our improvement. The last +chapter was intended more especially for my own particular edification; +but we all laughed heartily at my grandmother's ideas of signalizing +herself. That room is to us a charmed spot; and we look forward most +anxiously to the time when she is to begin an account of her life in +England. + + +THE END + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Grandmother's Recollections, by Ella Rodman + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS *** + +***** This file should be named 11427.txt or 11427.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/4/2/11427/ + +Produced by Internet Archive; University of Florida, Children, Amy +Petri and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d70602d --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #11427 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/11427) diff --git a/old/11427-8.txt b/old/11427-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0217f17 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/11427-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4478 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Grandmother's Recollections, by Ella Rodman + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Grandmother's Recollections + +Author: Ella Rodman + +Release Date: March 3, 2004 [EBook #11427] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS *** + + + + +Produced by Internet Archive; University of Florida, Children, Amy +Petri and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS. + +BY ELLA RODMAN. + + +1851. + + +A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +The best bed-chamber, with its hangings of crimson moreen, was opened +and aired--a performance which always caused my eight little brothers +and sisters to place themselves in convenient positions for being +stumbled over, to the great annoyance of industrious damsels, who, armed +with broom and duster, endeavored to render their reign as arbitrary as +it was short. For some time past, the nursery-maids had invariably +silenced refractory children with "Fie, Miss Matilda! Your grandmother +will make you behave yourself--_she_ won't allow such doings, I'll be +bound!" or "Aren't you ashamed of yourself, Master Clarence? What will +your grandmother say to that!" The nursery was in a state of uproar on +the day of my venerable relative's arrival; for the children almost +expected to see, in their grandmother, an ogress, both in features and +disposition. + +My mother was the eldest of two children, and my grandmother, from the +period of my infancy, had resided in England with her youngest daughter; +and we were now all employed in wondering what sort of a person our +relative might be. Mamma informed us that the old lady was extremely +dignified, and exacted respect and attention from all around; she also +hinted, at the same time, that it would be well for me to lay aside a +little of my self-sufficiency, and accommodate myself to the humors of +my grandmother. This to me!--to _me_, whose temper was so inflammable +that the least inadvertent touch was sufficient to set it in a blaze--it +was too much! So, like a well-disposed young lady, I very properly +resolved that _mine_ should not be the arm to support the venerable Mrs. +Arlington in her daily walks; that should the children playfully +ornament the cushion of her easy-chair with pins, _I_ would not turn +informant; and should a conspiracy be on foot to burn the old lady's +best wig, I entertained serious thoughts of helping along myself. + +In the meantime, like all selfish persons, I considered what demeanor I +should assume, in order to impress my grandmother with a conviction of +my own consequence. Of course, dignified and unbending I _would_ be; but +what if she chose to consider me a child, and treat me accordingly? The +idea was agonizing to my feelings; but then I proudly surveyed my five +feet two inches of height, and wondered how I could have thought of such +a thing! Still I had sense enough to know that such a supposition would +never have entered my head, had there not been sufficient grounds for +it; and, with no small trepidation, I prepared for my first appearance. + +It went off as first appearances generally do. I _was_ to have been +seated in an attitude of great elegance, with my eyes fixed on the pages +of some wonderfully wise book, but my thoughts anywhere but in company +with my eyes; while, to give more dignity to a girlish figure, my hair +was to be turned up on the very top of my head with a huge shell comb, +borrowed for the occasion from mamma's drawer. Upon my grandmother's +entrance, I intended to rise and make her a very stiff courtesy, and +then deliver a series of womanish remarks. This, I say, _was_ to have +been my first appearance--but alas! fate ordered otherwise. I was caught +by my dignified relative indulging in a game of romps upon the balcony +with two or three little sisters in pinafores and pantalettes--myself as +much a child as any of them. My grandmother came rather suddenly upon me +as, with my long hair floating in wild confusion, I stooped to pick up +my comb; and while in this ungraceful position, one of the little +urchins playfully climbed upon my back, while the others held me down. +My three little sisters had never appeared to such disadvantage in my +eyes, as they did at the present moment; in vain I tried to shake them +off--they only clung the closer, from fright, on being told of their +grandmother's arrival. + +At length, with crimsoned cheeks, and the hot tears starting to my eyes, +I rose and received, rather than returned the offered embrace, and found +myself in the capacious arms of one whom I should have taken for an old +dowager duchess. On glancing at my grandmother's portly figure and +consequential air, I experienced the uncomfortable sensation of utter +insignificance--I encountered the gaze of those full, piercing eyes, and +felt that I was conquered. Still I resolved to make some struggles for +my dignity yet, and not submit until defeat was no longer doubtful. +People in talking of "unrequited affection," speak of "the knell of +departed hopes," but no knell could sound more dreadful to the +ears of a girl in her teens--trembling for her scarcely-fledged +young-lady-hood--than did the voice of my grandmother, (and it was by no +means low), as she remarked: + +"So this is Ella. Why, how the child has altered! I remember her only as +a little, screaming baby, that was forever holding its breath with +passion till it became black in the face. Many a thumping have I given +you, child, to make you come to, and sometimes I doubted if your face +ever would be straight again. Even now it can hardly be said to belong +to the meek and amiable order." + +Here my grandmother drew forth her gold spectacles from a +richly-ornamented case, and deliberately scanned my indignant features, +while she observed: "Not much of the Bredforth style--quite an +Arlington." I drew myself up with all the offended dignity of sixteen, +but it was of no use; my grandmother turned me round, in much the same +manner that the giant might have been supposed to handle Tom Thumb, and +surveyed me from top to toe. + +I was unable to discover the effect of her investigation, but I +immediately became convinced that my grandmother's opinion was one of +the greatest importance. She possessed that indescribable kind of manner +which places you under the conviction that you are continually doing, +saying, or thinking something wrong; and which makes you humbly obliged +to such a person for coinciding in any of your opinions. Instead of the +dignified part I had expected to play, I looked very like a naughty +child that has just been taken out of its corner. The impression left +upon my mind by my grandmother's appearance will never be effaced; her +whole _tout ensemble_ was peculiarly striking, with full dark eyes, +high Roman nose, mouth of great beauty and firmness of expression, and +teeth whose splendor I have never seen equalled--although she was then +past her fiftieth year. Add to this a tall, well-proportioned figure, +and a certain air of authority, and my grandmother stands before you. + +As time somewhat diminished our awe, we gained the _entrée_ of my +grandmother's apartment, and even ventured to express our curiosity +respecting the contents of various trunks, parcels, and curious-looking +boxes. To children, there is no greater pleasure than being permitted to +look over and arrange the articles contained in certain carefully-locked +up drawers, unopened boxes, and old-fashioned chests; stray jewels from +broken rings--two or three beads of a necklace--a sleeve or breadth of +somebody's wedding dress--locks of hair--gifts of schoolgirl +friendships--and all those little mementoes of the past, that lie +neglected and forgotten till a search after some mislaid article brings +them again to our view, and excites a burst of feeling that causes us to +look sadly back upon the long vista of departed years, with their +withered hopes, never-realized expectations, and fresh, joyous tone, +seared by disappointment and worldly wisdom. The reward of patient toil +and deep-laid schemes yields not half the pleasure that did the little +Indian cabinet, (which always stood so provokingly locked, and just +within reach), when during a period of convalescence, we were permitted +to examine its recesses--when floods of sunlight danced upon the wall of +the darkened room towards the close of day, and every one seemed _so_ +kind! + +My grandmother indulged our curiosity to the utmost; now a pair of +diamond ear-pendants would appear among the soft folds of perfumed +cotton, and flash and glow with all the brilliancy of former days--now a +rich brocaded petticoat called up phantoms of the past, when ladies wore +high-heeled shoes, and waists of no size at all--and gentlemen felt +magnificently attired in powdered curls and cues, and as many ruffles as +would fill a modern dressing gown. There were also fairy slippers, +curiously embroidered, with neatly covered heels; and anxious to adorn +myself with these relics of the olden time I attempted to draw one on. +But like the renowned glass-slipper, it would fit none but the owner, +and I found myself in the same predicament as Cinderella's sisters. In +vain I tugged and pulled; the more I tried, the more it wouldn't go +on--and my grandmother remarked with a sigh, that "people's feet were +not as small as they were in old times." I panted with vexation; for I +had always been proud of my foot, and now put it forward that my +grandmother might see how small it was. But no well-timed compliment +soothed my irritated feelings; and more dissatisfied with myself than +ever, I pursued my investigations. + +My grandmother, as if talking to herself, murmured: "How little do we +know, when we set out in life, of the many disappointments before us! +How little can we deem that the heart which then is ours will change +with the fleeting sunshine! It is fearful to have the love of a +life-time thrown back as a worthless thing!" + +"Fearful!" I chimed in. "Death were preferable!" + +"You little goose!" exclaimed my grandmother, as she looked me full in +the face, "What can _you_ possibly know about the matter?" + +I had nothing to do but bury my head down low in the trunk I was +exploring; it was my last attempt at sentiment. My grandmother took +occasion to give me some very good advice with respect to the behavior +of hardly-grown girls; she remarked that they should be careful not to +engross the conversation, and also, that quiet people were always more +interesting than loud talkers. I resolved to try my utmost to be quiet +and interesting, though at the same time it did occur to me as a little +strange that, being so great an admirer of the species, she was not +quiet and interesting herself. But being quiet was not my grandmother's +forte; and it is generally understood that people always admire what +they are not, or have not themselves. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +The old lady also possessed rather strict ideas of the respect and +deference due to parents and elders; and poor mamma, whose authority did +not stand very high, felt considerable relief in consequence of our, +(or, as I am tempted to say, _the children's_) improved behavior. I +remember being rather startled myself one day, when one of the +before-mentioned little sisters commenced a system of teazing for some +forbidden article. + +"Mother, mother,--can't I have that set of cards? We want it in our +play-room--Phemie and me are going to build a house." + +"I do not like to give you permission," replied mamma, looking +considerably worried, "for George does not wish you to have them." + +"Oh, but George is out, mother--out for all day," rejoined the +precocious canvasser, "and will never know anything about it." + +"But perhaps he might come home before you had done with them, and +George is so terribly passionate, and hates to have his things touched, +that he will raise the whole house." + +"Poor boy!" observed my grandmother dryly, "What a misfortune to be so +passionate! A deep-seated, and, I fear, incurable one, Amy; for of +course you have used your utmost endeavors, both by precept and example, +to render him otherwise." + +I almost pitied my mother's feelings; for well did I remember the +cried-for toy placed within his hands, to stop the constant succession +of screams sent forth by a pair of lungs whose strength seemed +inexhaustible--the comfort and convenience of the whole family +disregarded, not because he was the _best_, but the _worst_ child--and +often the destruction of some highly-prized trinket or gem of art, +because he was "_passionate_;" the result of which was, that my poor +brother George became one of the most selfish, exacting, intolerable +boys that ever lived. + +There was no reply, save a troubled look; and the little tormentor +continued in a fretful tone; "We'll put 'em all away before he gets in, +and never tell him a word of it--can't we have them, mother?" + +My mother glanced towards her mentor, but the look which she met +impelled her to pursue a course so different from her usual one, that I +listened in surprise: "No, Caroline, you can _not_ have them--now leave +the room, and let me hear no more about it." + +"I want them," said the child in a sullen tone, while she turned to that +invariable resource of refactory children who happen to be near a door; +namely, turning the knob, and clicking the lock back and forth, and +swinging on it at intervals. + +This performance is extremely trying to a person of restless, nervous +temperament, and my grandmother, setting up her spectacles, exclaimed +commandingly: "Caroline, how dare you stand pouting there? Did you not +hear your mother, naughty girl? Leave the room--this instant?" + +The child stood a moment almost transfixed with surprise; but as she saw +my grandmother preparing to advance upon her--her ample skirts and +portly person somewhat resembling a ship under full sail--she made +rather an abrupt retreat; discomposing the nerves of a small +nursery-maid, whom she encountered in the passage, to such a degree +that, as the girl expressed it, "she was took all of a sudden." + +I had given a quick, convulsive start as the first tones fell upon my +ear, and now sat bending over my sewing like a chidden child, almost +afraid to look up. I was one of those unlucky mortals who bear the blame +of everything wrong they witness; and having, in tender infancy, been +suddenly seized upon in Sunday school by the superintendent, and placed +in a conspicuous situation of disgrace for looking at a companion who +was performing some strange antic, but who possessed one of those +india-rubber faces that, after twisting themselves into all possible, or +rather impossible shapes, immediately become straight the moment any +one observes them--having, I say, met with this mortifying exposure, it +gave me a shock which I have not to this day recovered; and I cannot now +see any one start up hastily in pursuit of another without fancying +myself the culprit, and trembling accordingly. This sudden movement, +therefore, of my grandmother's threw me into an alarming state of +terror, and, quite still and subdued, I sat industriously stitching, all +the morning after. + +"Dear me!" said my mother with a sigh, "how much better you make them +mind than I can." + +"I see, Amy," said my grandmother kindly, "that your influence is very +weak--the care of of so large a family has prevented you from attending +to each one properly. You perceive the effect of a little well-timed +authority, and I do not despair of you yet. You are naturally," she +continued, "amiable and indolent, and though gentleness is certainly +agreeable and interesting, yet a constant succession of sweets cannot +fail to cloy, and engender a taste for something sharper and more +wholesome." + +Delicacy prevented me from remaining to hear my mother advised and +lectured, and the rest of my grandmother's discourse was therefore lost +to me; but whatever it was, I soon perceived its beneficial results--the +children were no longer permitted to roam indiscriminately through all +parts of the house--certain rooms were proof againt their +invasions--they became less troublesome and exacting, and far more +companionable. The worried look gradually cleared from my mother's brow, +and as my grandmother was extremely fond of sight-seeing, visiting, +tea-drinkings, and everything in the shape of company, she persevered in +dragging her daughter out day after day, until she made her enjoy it +almost as much as herself. Old acquaintances were hunted up and brought +to light, and new ones made through the exertions of my grandmother, +who, in consequence of such a sociable disposition, soon became very +popular. The young ones were banished to the nursery; and, as they were +no longer allowed to spend their days in eating, there was far less +sickness among them, and our family doctor's bill decreased amazingly. + +Our grandmother, having spent many years in the "mother-country," was +extremely English in her feelings and opinions, and highly advocated the +frugal diet on which the children of the higher classes are always kept. +Lord and Lady Grantham, the son-in-law and daughter at whose residence +she passed the time of her sojourn in England, were infallible models of +excellence and prudence; and the children were again and again informed +that their little English cousins were never allowed meat until the age +of seven, and considered it a great treat to get beef broth twice a +week. Butter was also a prohibited article of luxury--their usual +breakfast consisting of mashed potatoes, or bread and milk; and my +grandmother used to relate how one morning a little curly-headed thing +approached her with an air of great mystery, and whispered: "What _do_ +you think we had for breakfast?" "Something very good, I suspect--what +can it be?" "Guess." "O, I cannot; you must tell me." "_Buttered +bread_!" Our laughter increased as she gave an amusing account of the +blue eyes stretched to their utmost extent, as these wonderful words +were pronounced hesitatingly, as though doubtful of the effect; and in +consequence of various anecdotes of the same nature, the children's +impressions of England were by no means agreeable. Our little cousins +must certainly have been the most wonderful children ever heard of, for +by my grandmother's account, they could dance, sing, and speak French +almost as soon as they could walk. She also informed us, as a positive +fact, that on saying: "_Baisez, Cora--baisez la dame_," the very baby in +arms put up its rosebud lips to kiss the stranger mentioned. It would +have been stranger still for the younger children to speak English, as +they were always in the company of French nurses. + +Although my grandmother could so easily assume a stern and commanding +air, it was by no means habitual to her; and the children, though they +feared and never dared to dispute her authority, soon loved her with all +the pure, unselfish love of childhood, which cannot be bought. "Things +were not so and so when I was young," was a favorite remark of hers; and +as I one day remarked that "those must have been wonderful times when +old people were young," she smiled and said that "though not wonderful, +they were times when parents and teachers were much more strict with +children than they are now." I immediately experienced a strong desire +to be made acquainted with the circumstances of my grandmother's +childhood, and began hinting to that effect. + +"Were they very strict with you, grandmother?" asked we mischievously. + +She looked rather disconcerted for a moment, and then replied with a +smile: "Not very--I saw very little of my parents, being mostly left to +nurses and servants; but you all seem eager for information on that +point, and although there is absolutely nothing worth relating, you may +all come to my room this evening, and we will begin on the subject of my +younger days." + +We swallowed tea rather hastily, and danced off in high glee to my +grandmother's apartment, ready for the unfolding of unheard-of +occurrences and mysteries. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +We were all happily seated around the fire; the grate was piled up high +with coal, and threw a bright reflection upon the polished +marble--everything was ready to begin, when a most unfortunate question +of my sister Emma's interfered with our progress. She had settled +herself on a low stool at my grandmother's feet, and while we all sat in +silent expectation of the "once upon a time," or "when I was young," +which is generally the prelude to similar narratives, Emma suddenly +started up, and fixing an incredulous gaze upon our dignified relative, +exclaimed: "But were you _ever_ young, grandmother? I mean," she +continued, a little frightened at her own temerity, "were you ever as +little as I am now?" + +Some of us began to cough, others used their pocket-handkerchiefs, and +one and all waited in some anxiety for the effect. Emma, poor child! +seemed almost ready to sink through the floor under the many astonished +and reproving glances which she encountered; and my grandmother's +countenance at first betokened a gathering storm. + +But in a few moments this cleared up; and ashamed of her momentary anger +at this childish question, she placed her hand kindly on Emma's head as +she replied: "Yes, Emma, quite as little as you are--and it is of those +very times that I am going to tell you. I shall not begin at the +beginning, but speak of whatever happens to enter my mind, and a +complete history of my childhood will probably furnish employment for a +great many evenings. But I am very much averse to interruptions, and if +you have any particular questions to ask, all inquiries must be made +before I commence." + +"Were you born and did you live in America?" said I. + +"Yes," replied my grandmother, "I was born and lived in America, in the +State of New York. So much for the locality--now, what next?" + +"Did you ever see Washington?" inquired Bob, "And were you ever taken +prisoner and had your house burned by the British?" + +Bob was a great patriot, and on Saturdays practised shooting in the +attic with a bow and arrow, to perfect himself against the time of his +attaining to man's estate, when he fully intended to collect an army and +make an invasion on England. As an earnest of his hostile intentions, he +had already broken all the windows on that floor, and nearly +extinguished the eye of Betty, the chambermaid. To both of these +questions my grandmother replied in the negative, for she happened to +come into the world just after the Revolution; but in answer to Bob's +look of disappointment, she promised to tell him something about it in +the course of her narrative. + +"My two most prominent faults," said she, "were vanity and curiosity, +and these both led me into a great many scrapes, which I shall endeavor +to relate for your edification. I shall represent them just as they +really were, and if I do not make especial comments on each separate +piece of misconduct, it is because I leave you to judge for yourselves, +by placing them in their true light. I shall not tell you the year I was +born in," she continued, "for then there would be a counting on certain +little fingers to see how old grandmamma is now. When I was a child--a +_very_ young one--I used to say that I remembered very well the day on +which I was born, for mother was down stairs frying dough-nuts. This +nondescript kind of cake was then much more fashionable for the +tea-table than it is at the present day. My mother was quite famous for +her skill in manufacturing them, and my great delight was to superintend +her operations, and be rewarded for good behavior with a limited +quantity of dough, which I manufactured into certain uncouth images, +called 'dough-nut babies.' Sometimes these beloved creations of genius +performed rather curious gymnastics on being placed in the boiling +grease--such as twisting on one side, throwing a limb entirely over +their heads, &c.; while not unfrequently a leg or an arm was found +missing when boiled to the requisite degree of hardness. But sometimes, +oh, sad to relate! my fingers committed such unheard-of depredations in +the large bowl or tray appropriated by my mother, that I was sentenced +to be tied in a high chair drawn close to her side, whence I could +quietly watch her proceedings without being able to assist her. + +I know that our home was situated in a pleasant village which has long +since disappeared in the flourishing city; the house was of white brick, +three stories high, with rooms on each side of the front entrance. A +large and beautiful flower-garden was visible from the back windows; and +beyond this was a still larger fruit-garden, the gate of which was +generally locked, while a formidable row of nails with the points up, +repelled all attempts at climbing over the fence. The peaches, and +plums, apricots, nectarines, grapes, cherries, and apples were such as I +have seldom, if ever, seen since. My lather was wealthy, and my earliest +recollections are connected with large, handsomely-furnished rooms, +numerous servants, massive plate, and a constant succession of +dinner-parties and visitors. How often have I watched the servants as +they filled the decanters, rubbed the silver, and made other +preparations for company, while I drew comparisons between the lot of +the favored beings for whom these preparations were made, and my own, on +being condemned to the unvarying routine of the nursery. Childhood then +appeared to me a kind of penance which we were doomed to undergo--a sort +of imprisonment or chrysalis, which, like the butterfly, left us in a +fairy-like and beautiful existence. Little did I then dream of the +cares, and toils, and troubles from which that happy season is exempt. +My father realized in his own person, to the fullest extent, all the +traditionary legends of old English hospitality; he hated everything +like parsimony--delighted to see his table surrounded with visitors--and +in this was indulged to the extent of his wishes; for day after day +seemed to pass in our being put out of sight, where we could witness the +preparations going on for other people's entertainment. + +The presiding goddess in our region of the house was a faithful and +attached old nurse, whom we all called 'Mammy.' Although sometimes a +little sharp, as was necessary to keep such wild spirits in order, the +old nurse was invariably kind, and even indulgent. It was well indeed +for us that she was so, for we were left almost entirely to her +direction, and saw very little of any one else. Mammy's everyday attire +consisted of a calico short-gown, with large figures, and a stuff +petticoat, with a cap whose huge ruffles stood up in all directions; +made after a pattern which I have never since beheld, and in which the +crown formed the principal feature. But this economical dress was not +for want of means; for Mammy's wardrobe boasted several silk gowns, and +visitors seldom stayed at the house without making her a present. On +great occasions, she approached our beau-ideal of an empress, by +appearing in a black silk dress lace collar, and gold repeater at her +side. This particular dress Mammy valued more highly than any of the +others, for my father had brought it to her, as a present, from Italy, +and the pleasant consciousness of being recollected in this manner by +her master was highly gratifying to the old nurse. + +I was an only daughter, with several wild brothers, and I often thought +that Mammy displayed most unjust partiality. For instance, there was +Fred who never did anything right--upset his breakfast, dinner, and +tea--several times set the clothes-horse, containing the nursery +wardrobe, in a blaze--was forever getting lost, and, when sought for, +often found dangling from a three-story window, hanging on by two +fingers, and even one--who would scarcely have weighed a person's life +in the scale with a successful joke--and always had a finger, foot, or +eye bound up as the result of his hair-brained adventures. I really +believe that Mammy bestowed all a mother's affection on this wild, +reckless boy; he seldom missed an opportunity of being impertinent, and +yet Mammy invariably said that 'Fred had a saucy tongue, but a good +heart.' This _good-heartedness_ probably consisted in drowning kittens, +worrying dogs, and throwing stones at every bird he saw. Fred always had +the warmest seat, the most thickly-buttered bread and the largest piece +of pie. I remember one day on watching Mammy cut the pie, I observed, as +usual, that she reserved the largest piece. + +"Who is that for?" I enquired, although perfectly aware of its intended +destination. + +"O, no one in particular," replied Mammy. + +"Well then" said I, "I believe I'll take it." + +"There! there!" exclaimed Mammy, pointing her finger at me, "See the +greedy girl! Now you shall not have it, just for asking for it." The +disputed piece was immediately deposited on Fred's plate; and from that +day forth I gave up all hopes of the largest piece of pie. + +O, that Fred was an imp! There was nothing in the shape of mischief, +which he would not do. If left to amuse the baby, he often amused +himself by tying a string to its toe, and every now and then giving it a +sudden pull. The child would cry, of course, and, on the approach of any +one, Master Fred sat looking as demure as possible, while trying to keep +his little brother quiet. The string would then be twitched again for +his own private edification; and it was sometime before the trick was +discovered. My brother Henry had at one time several little chickens, of +which he became very fond. Day after day he fed, admired, and caressed +them; and Fred, who never could bear to see others happy long, began to +revolve in his own mind certain plans respecting the chickens. One by +one they disappeared, until the number decreased alarmingly; but no +traces of them could be found. We were questioned, but, as all denied +the charge, the culprit remained undiscovered, although strong +suspicions rested on Fred. At last the indignant owner came upon him one +day, as he stood quietly watching the struggles of two little chickens +in a tub of water. Henry bitterly exclaimed against this cruelty, but +Fred innocently replied that "he had no hand in the matter; he had +thought, for some time, how much prettier they would look swimming like +ducks, and therefore tried to teach them--but the foolish things +persisted in walking along with their eyes shut, and so got drowned." + +But one of Fred's grand _coup-d'oeils_ was the affair of the +cherry-pie. In those days ladies attended more to their household +affairs than they do at present; and my mother, an excellent +housekeeper, was celebrated for her pastry--cherry-pies in particular. +It was the Fourth of July; the boys were released from school, and +roaming about in quest of mischief as boys always are--and, as a rare +thing, we had no company that day, except my aunt, who had come from a +distance on a visit to my mother, while my father had gone to return one +of the numerous visits paid him. Cherry-pie was a standing dish at our +house with which to celebrate the Declaration of Independence. The +servants had all gone out for a holiday, no dinner was cooked, and the +sole dependence was on the cherry-pie. + +They sat down to dinner, and I heard my mother say: "Now, sister Berthy, +I really hope you will enjoy this pie, for I bestowed extra pains upon +it, and placed it up in the bed-room pantry out of the boys' reach, who +are very apt to nibble off the edge of the crust. This time, I see, they +have not meddled with it." + +The pie was cut; but alas! for the hollowness of human triumphs; the +knife met a wilderness of crust and vacancy, but no cherries. The +bed-room pantry had a window opening on a shed, and into that window +Fred, the scape-grace, had adroitly climbed, carefully lifted the upper +crust from the cherished pie, and abstracted all the cherries. My mother +locked him up, for punishment, but having unfortunately selected a sort +of store-room pantry, he made himself sick with sweetmeats, broke all +the jars he could lay hands on, and, finally, discovering a pair of +scissors, he worked at the lock, spoiled it, and let himself out. + +At one time, being rather short of cash, he helped himself to a +five-dollar bill from my mother's drawer; but even _his_ conscience +scarcely resting under so heavy an embezzlement, he got it changed, took +half a dollar, and then put the rest back in the drawer. This +considerateness led to a discovery; they all knew that no one but Fred +would have been guilty of so foolish, and at the same time so dishonest +a thing. + +My favorite brother was Henry; just three years older than myself, +manly, amiable, and intellectual in his tastes, he appeared to me +infinitely superior to any one I had ever seen; and we two were almost +inseparable. In winter he always carried me to school on his sled, saw +that Fred did not rob me of my dinner, and was always ready to explain a +difficult lesson. He was an extremely enterprising boy, with an +inexhaustible fund of ingenuity and invention; but, like most geniuses, +received more blame than praise. When quite small he constructed a sort +of gun made of wood, which would discharge a small ball of paper, +pebble, &c. This became a very popular plaything in the nursery, and for +once the inventor received due praise, on account of its keeping the +children so quiet. But one day Fred undertook to teach the year old baby +the art of shooting with it; and with a small corn for a bullet, he +placed the toy in the child's hands, turning the mouth the wrong way. +The young soldier pulled the trigger in delight, and by some strange +mischance, the corn flew up his nose. The doctor was hastily brought, +the child relieved with a great deal of difficulty, the dangerous +plaything burned, and poor Henry sent to coventry for an unlimited time. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +We had a girl named Jane Davis whom my mother had brought up from +childhood. At the period to which I refer, she could not have been more +than fourteen, and as she was always good-humored and willing to oblige, +she became a general favorite. Often, in the early winter evenings, with +the nursery as tidy as hands could make it, (for Mammy, although not an +old maid, was a mortal enemy to dirt and slovenliness) we all gathered +round the fire, while the old nurse and Jane spun out long stories, +sometimes of things which had happened to them, sometimes of things +which had happened to others, and often of things that never did or +could happen to anybody. But I must do them the justice to say, that +although they sometimes related almost impossible occurrencies, they +never, on any one occasion, took advantage of their influence over us to +enforce our obedience by frighful tales of old men with bags, who seem +to have an especial fancy for naughty children. The nearest approach +that Mammy ever made to anything of this kind was to tell us, when we +began to look sleepy, that the sandman had been along and filled our +eyes. On receiving this information, we generally retired peaceably to +bed, without being haunted by any fears of ghost or goblin. + +There was a wealthy and fashionable family who lived just opposite, +consisting of a widower, his sister, and two children--a son and +daughter. They lived in most extravagant style, and Jane positively +assured us that the housekeeper had told her with her own lips that +there was no end to Mr. Okeman's wealth, and that he even made his +daughter eat bank-bills on her bread and butter! Whether the son was +exempted from this disagreeable performance we never thought of +inquiring; but our awe rose ten percent, for a girl who was so rich as +absolutely to devour money. On being divulged, this grand secret amused +the inmates of the drawing-room very much, and our parents could +scarcely command their countenances to undeceive us. + +Jane Davis remained with us as nursery-maid until she was eighteen, when +my mother, who was always extremely kind to servants and dependants, +placed her at a trade, and supported her comfortably until she learned +enough to support herself. She afterwards married a carpenter, who +always performed for my father those odd jobs that are constantly +required in a house, and they came to live in a kind of cottage at the +end of the garden. They there commenced farming on a small scale, and +often supplied us with milk, eggs, poultry, &c. + +Mammy was a firm believer in signs of good and evil import; thus, if, in +dropping the scissors, they stood up erect on the point, she always said +that visitors were coming--a sign that rarely failed, as we were seldom +a day without them. Once I had wished very much for a large wax-doll. My +dreams were beautified with waxen images of immense size, whose china +blue eyes, long flaxen curls, and rosy cheeks, presented a combination +of charms that took my heart by storm. I sat one night, as usual, by the +nursery fire; my thoughts fixed on this all-engrossing subject, when I +ventured to communicate them to Mammy, and ask her if she thought I ever +would become the enviable possessor of such a doll. + +"I don't know," replied Mammy at first, "I think it's very doubtful. But +come here," she added, "and let me see your hand." + +After an examination, Mammy pronounced with an air of great mystery that +circumstances were propitious, and she was almost convinced beyond a +doubt that ere long the doll would be mine. She then pointed out to me a +small white spot on my left thumb nail, which she said always denoted a +present. I was rather incredulous at first, not conceiving that so +brilliant a dream could be realized; but after a while the doll actually +made its appearance, and I began to regard Mammy as something little +short of a witch, and became far more tractable in consequence of my +increased awe. + +Jane's stories, as well as Mammy's always began with "Once upon a time +there were two sisters;" one was represented as plain-looking, but +amiable--the other beautiful, but a very Zantippe in temper. By some +wonderful combination of circumstances, the elder lost her beauty and +ugliness at the same time--when some good fairy always came along, who, +by a magic touch of her wand, made both the sisters far more lovely than +the elder had been. Beauty was always the burden of the tale; people who +were not beautiful met with no adventures, and seemed to lead a hum-drum +sort of life; therefore, I insensibly learned to regard this wonderful +possession as something very much to be desired. I believe I was quite a +pretty child, with dark bright eyes, red lips, and a pair of very rosy +cheeks. I spent considerable time before the glass, and both Mammy and +Jane began to fear the effects of vanity. Often and often would the old +nurse say: "You needn't stand before the glass, Miss Amy--there is +nothing to look at," or when in a bad humor, "Don't make such faces, +child--you have no beauty to spare," and I can very well remember how +both would endeavor to persuade me that I was the most veritable little +fright that ever existed, and quite a bugbear to my relations. + +"What a pity," Jane would commence, as she saw me surveying myself with +an air of infinite satisfaction, "what a pity it is that Miss Amy has +such a dark, ugly skin--almost like an Indian, isn't it, nurse?" + +I had eyes to judge for myself, and knew that I was much fairer than +either Mammy or Jane; and somebody had remarked in my presence: "What a +lovely neck and shoulders!" therefore I generally remained perfectly +quiet while listening to these inuendoes. + +"Yes," Mammy would reply, "a very great pity--but an amiable temper, +Miss Amy, is more than looks; you must try and cultivate that, to make +up for your want of beauty." + +"And then," continued Jane, "only see how perfectly straight her hair +is! not a sign of curl, nor even a twist!--and black eyes have such a +wicked kind of a look; they always remind me of cannibals." + +Jane's eyes were as blue and bright as glass beads, while Mammy's, I +thought, approached a green, but with my own I felt perfectly satisfied; +for a lady had remarked in my presence what beautiful eyes I +had--adding that "dark eyes were so much more expressive than blue; blue +ones were so very insipid looking." The observation about my hair, +though, was only too correct, and touched me most sensibly. While most +of the other children possessed those soft, flowing curls, so beautiful +in childhood, mine obstinately refused to wave; and was, to use Jane's +expression, "as straight and as stiff as a poker." I had endeavored to +remedy this as far as lay in my power, and one day set my hair in a +blaze, while curling it with a very hot pipe-stem. I was, in +consequence, deemed one of the most abandoned of the nursery inmates; +and found myself minus at least one half of the hair I had hitherto +possessed. + +I really believe that both Jane and Mammy sincerely hoped to eradicate +my besetting sin, by such blunt remarks as the former; but no course +could have been less wise than the one which they took. I knew very well +that I was neither a fright, an Indian, nor a cannibal; and the pains +which they took to convince me to the contrary led me to give myself +credit for much more beauty than I really possessed. I also regarded +amiability as a virtue of very small account; and supposed that those +who practised it, only did so because they possessed neither beauty, +grace, nor anything else to recommend them. + +A great source of annoyance to me was my dress. As I was an only +daughter, some mothers, with the same means, would have enhanced my +attractions with all the aid of ornament, and established me as a +permanent divinity of the drawing-room, whom all must bow to and flatter +as they entered its precincts. But, although fond of display, and +surrounded with all the appliances of wealth, the taste of my parents +never did run much on dress; and I often felt mortified at my +inferiority to others in this respect. Such articles were then much +dearer, and more in vogue than at the present day, and a blue Circassian +formed my entire stock of gala dresses, and went the rounds of all the +children's parties I attended; my mother seemed to think, (with respect +to me, at least,) that as long as a dress was clean and in good repair, +there was no need of a change--she left nothing to the pleasure of +variety. There appeared to be an inexhaustible store of the same +material in a certain capacious drawer; did an elbow give out, a new +sleeve instantly supplied its place--did I happen to realize the ancient +saying: "There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip," and make my +lap the recipient of some of the goodies provided for us at our +entertainments, the soiled front breadth disappeared, and was replaced +by another, fresh and new--did the waist grow short, it was made over +again--there verily seemed to be no end to the dress; I came to the +conclusion that blue Circassian was the most ugly material ever +invented, and often found myself calculating how many yards there might +be left. + +My school hats always looked the worse for wear, and my Sunday ones were +not much better; but once my mother took me to the city, and bought me, +for school, a far handsomer hat than I had hitherto worn for best, and a +still better one for great occasions. Here I, who scarcely ever looked +decent about the upper story, actually had two new hats at once! The +best one, I remember, was a round gipsy flat, then altogether the +fashion; and the first Sunday I put it on I made a perfect fool of +myself by twisting my hair in strings, intended to pass for natural +ringlets, and allowing said strings to hang all around beneath the brim +of my hat. Mamma was sick and confined to her room, and I managed to +appear at church with this ridiculous head-gear. People certainly stared +a little, but this my vanity easily converted into looks of admiration +directed towards my new hat, and perhaps also my improved beauty--and +came home more full of self-complacency than ever. + +I have before mentioned that beyond the house there was a large +fruit-garden, respecting which, my father's orders were especially +strict. He expressly forbade our touching any of the fruit unless he +gave us permission; and nothing made him more angry than to have any +gathered before it was quite ripe. It certainly requires a child whose +principle of honesty is a very strong one, to pass every day in full +view of an endless bed of ripening strawberries, whose uncommon size and +luscious hue offered so many temptations. But bad as I was, I think I +was generally pretty honest, and resisted the temptation to the best of +my ability. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +I think I was about five years old, when one bright May morning my +brother Henry received especial instructions to be careful of me, and +see that I fell into no mischief on the occasion of my first day at +school. The luncheon-basket was packed with twice the usual quantity of +sandwiches, into which Mammy slyly tucked a small paper of sweet things +as a sort of comforter, with repeated injunctions to Henry not to make a +mistake and confiscate them for his own private use. A superfluous +caution--for Henry was the most generous little fellow that ever lived; +and was far more likely to fall short himself than that others should +suffer through him. Both Jane and Mammy kissed me repeatedly. I had on a +new dress of light, spotted calico, and a straw hat, with a green +ribbon, and a deep green silk cape--underneath the binding of my apron a +small handkerchief had been carefully pinned--a small blue-covered book, +and a slate with a long, sharp-pointed pencil tied on with a red cord, +were placed in my hands; and from these ominous preparations, and the +uncommon kindness of every one around, I concluded that I was at last to +meet with some adventure--perhaps to suffer martyrdom of some kind or +other. + +Poor Jane! My great passion was for beads, and when she perceived, from +various indications, that I was not exactly pleased with the change, she +ran up stairs, hastily loosened a whole string from a cherished +necklace, and returning quickly, slipped them into my hand. My mother +also came into the nursery to see that I was perfectly neat, kissed me +affectionately as she whispered to me to be a good girl and learn to +read, and with a strange, undefined sensation at my heart, I found +myself in the street with my hand fast locked in that of Henry. It was +that lovely season of the year when the fruit-trees are all in bloom; +and the sweet, flower-laden breeze, the busy hum of human life that rose +around, and the bounding, restless spirit of childhood, made me shrink +from the bondage I was about to enter. + +The school-house was a very pretty cottage with a trellised front of +bean-vines and honeysuckle; and when I entered I found, to my great +surprise, that Miss Sewell, the teacher, looked very much like other +people. There were two moderate-sized rooms, opening into each other, in +one of which Mr. Sewell superintended several desks of unruly boys--in +the other, his daughter directed the studies of about twenty little +girls. There were some large girls seated at the desks, who appeared to +me so very antiquated that I was almost afraid to hazard an idea +respecting their ages; and had I been asked how old they were, should +probably have replied 'at least fifty;' although I do not now suppose +the eldest was more than fourteen. + +Rather stunned by the buzz and noise of the classes reciting, and very +much puzzled as to my own probable destiny, I began to climb the hill +of knowledge. I said my letters; and Miss Sewell, having found that I +knew them pretty well, (thanks to Mammy's patient teaching), allowed me +to spell in _a-b, ab_, and _b-a, ba_, and set me some straight marks on +my slate. I met with nothing remarkable during my first day at school; +and on my return informed Mammy, as the result of my studies, that two +and one make four. Nor could I be persuaded to the contrary; for, +although I had been taught by the old nurse to count as far as ten, on +being examined by Miss Sewell, either bashfulness or obstinacy prevented +me from displaying the extent of my knowledge--and, while endeavoring to +explain to me how many one and one make, she had said: "There is one, to +begin with; well now, one more makes two," therefore as one made two in +this case, I supposed it did in every other. + +I learned to love the mild countenance of Miss Sewell, with her plain +dark hair and soft eyes, and was never happier then when she was invited +to tea; for then I was emancipated from the nursery and placed beside +her at table. I dearly loved to take her fruit and flowers; and white +lilies, roses, honey-suckles, and the most admired productions of our +garden were daily laid on Miss Sewell's table. For rewards we had a +great many wide, bright-colored ribbons, which were tied upon our arms, +that every one might see them as we went home; and she who could boast a +variety of ribbons was known to have been perfect in all her lessons. +Those who had fallen into disgrace were distinguished by a broad band +passed around the head, on the front of which was written in large +characters the name of the misdemeanor. + +One morning I had been rather negligent, and, having my suspicions as to +the consequence, told Mammy of my fears, and my dread of the disgrace. +The old nurse's anger even exceeded mine; she declared that her child +should not be treated so, and advised me to snatch it off and tear it to +pieces. I went to school, not having exactly made up my mind whether to +follow this advice or not; but my afternoon lessons fully made up for +the deficiency of the morning, and I escaped the dreaded punishment. I +had gone with several companions to the closet in which we deposited +our hats and shawls, and while engaged in the process of robing, I heard +a very loud voice talking in great excitement, and one which I +immediately recognised. I overheard Mammy exclaiming: "Where is my +child? Has she got that horrid thing on her head? I want to take it off +before she goes home." + +Blushing with mortification, as I noticed the tittering of the +school-girls, called forth by the loud tone and strange figure of the +old nurse, who had rushed into the room in her usual attire of +short-gown and petticoat, I came hastily forward, and was immediately +seized by Mammy, who exclaimed in surprise: "Why, I though you said you +were going to have that thing on your head! I was determined that no +child of mine should wear it, so I came after you to take it off." + +Mammy was one of the most independent persons I ever saw; she cared for +no one's frown, and poured forth the whole love of her warm Irish heart +upon us--tormenting and troublesome as we were. Sometimes she sung to us +of "Acushla machree" and "Mavourneen," and Mammy's Irish songs were +especial favorites with the young fry of the nursery. When we were +particularly obstreperous, she threatened to go away and leave us, and +never come back again; a threat which always produced copious showers of +tears, and promises of better behavior. Often have I watched her in +dismay as she dressed herself to go out--fearful that she would really +put her threat in execution, especially as conscience whispered that I +deserved it. At such times, nothing pacified me except the deposit of +her spectacles; when once the case was lodged in my possession, I felt +sure of Mammy--knowing that she could not stay long without them. +Sometimes she would tell us of her life in Ireland; but no act did she +more bitterly deplore than her marriage; complaining that the object of +her choice was far from what he appeared to be when she married him--and +further observing that as he turned out a very bad speculation, and +never gave her anything but a thimble, she wisely left him to his own +society, and emigrated to America. + +Mammy very often kept the key of the fruit-garden; and as she never +yielded it to our entreaties, the ever-ready Fred formed a conspiracy +one Sunday afternoon, in which, I am sorry to say, I took a very +conspicuous part--the object of which was to purloin the key, and enjoy +at last this long-coveted, forbidden pleasure. Fred actually succeeded +in abstracting it from Mammy's capacious pocket, and in high glee we +proceeded to the garden. It was in the time of peaches; there hung the +lucious fruit in such profusion, that the trees were almost borne down +by its weight. We ate till we could eat no longer; and then, happening +to see two or three men passing along, we threw some over the fence to +them. They, in return, threw us some pennies; and, delighted with the +success of our frolic, we continued to throw and receive, until startled +by a most unwelcome apparition. There, at the foot of the tree, stood +Mammy--her face expressing the utmost astonishment and indignation, and +her hands extended to seize us. She had watched our manoeuvres from one +of the windows, and astonishment at our boldness and ingenuity kept her +for sometime a silent spectator. But Mammy was not apt to be _silent_ +long while witnessing our misdeeds; and in an incredible short space of +time she gained the use of both her feet and her tongue. Our companions +caught a glimpse of flying drapery rapidly advancing, and rather +suddenly made their retreat; while we, now trembling, detected culprits, +took up a line of march for the house. + +Not so, Fred; defying Mammy to capture him, and laughing at her dismay, +he started off on a run, and she after him in full pursuit. We watched +the chase from the nursery-window; and as Fred was none of the thinnest, +and Mammy somewhat resembled a meal-bag with a string tied round the +middle, it proved to be quite exciting. But it was brought to an +untimely end by the apparition of a pair of spectacles over the fence; +said spectacles being the undisputed property of a middle-aged +gentleman--a bachelor, who, we suspected, always stayed home from church +on Sunday afternoons to keep the neighbors in order. With +horror-stricken eyes he had beheld only the latter part of the scene, +and conceiving the old nurse to be as bad as her rebellious charge, he +called out from his garden, which communicated with ours: + +"My good woman, do you know that this is Sunday?--Depend upon it, a +person of your years would feel much better to be quietly reading in +your own apartment, than racing about the garden in this unseemly +manner." + +Poor Mammy! she was well aware of this before; flushed, heated, and +almost overcome with fatigue, she looked the very picture of +uncomfortableness; and this last aggravation increased the feeling to a +tenfold degree. At that moment, Fred, unconsciously, stumbled into her +very arms; she looked up--the spectacles had disappeared--and convinced +of this fact, she bore him in triumph to the nursery. + +We had all expected personal chastisement, at the very least, but we +were thrown into a greater degree of horror and dismay than could well +be conceived; Mammy placed her spectacles in her pocket, collected her +valuables, and put on her hat and things, to take passage for Ireland. +We hung about her in every attitude of entreaty--acknowledged our +misdemeanors, promised amendment, and an entire confession of all the +sins we had ever perpetrated. I do think we must have remained upon our +knees at least half an hour; never had Mammy seemed so hard-hearted +before, and we began to think that she might be in earnest after all. We +begged her to whip us--lock us up--anything but leave us; and at last +she relented. She told us that she considered us the most abandoned +children that ever were born; and wished that she had two additional +eyes at the back of her head to watch our movements. We promised to +spend the afternoon in learning hymns and verses; and Mammy, having +taken her position in the large easy-chair, with a footstool at her +feet, tied Fred to one of the legs, as he sat on a low bench at her +side, and made us all study. We succeeded pretty well; although +considerably terrified at the sharp looks which Mammy from time to time +bestowed upon us. + +In the evening came the promised confession; and both Mammy and Jane +were rendered almost dumb by these dreadful instances of depravity. Such +secret and unsuspected visits to the store-room pantry--such +conspiracies against locks and bolts--such scaling of walls, and +climbing in at windows, were never heard of before. I rather suspected +Fred to have drawn upon his imagination for instances of the marvellous, +for such adventures as he related never could have been met with; but +Mammy and Jane believed it all. At the conclusion, the old nurse seemed +very much disposed to punish us at once for all these united +misdemeanors--and was only prevented by our remonstrating upon the plea +of a voluntary confession. + +That night I lay awake, pretending to sleep, and heard Mammy and her +satellite discussing our conduct in all its enormity. Considerably +influenced by their unaffected horror and astonishment, the thought for +the first time rushed upon my mind, that perhaps I might be much worse +than other people. It troubled me considerably; I found it impossible to +sleep, and following a good impulse, I crept softly out of bed, and +falling on my knees before Mammy, whispered to her to pray for me. There +must have been a very different expression on my countenance from its +usual one; for I afterwards heard the old nurse tell Jane that I +reminded her of an angel. I felt utterly miserable; and sobbing +convulsively, I begged Mammy to pray, not that I might have a new heart, +but that I might live a great while. I had begun to fear speedy +punishment for my misdemeanors. The old nurse, (although a really pious +woman), seemed quite at a loss how to proceed; and Jane, coming forward, +took me kindly by the hand, and reasoned with me on my conduct with all +the wisdom of riper years and a higher education. After convincing me +that I should ask, not for an increased number of years, but for a new +heart and temper, she knelt down with me and repeated the Lord's prayer. + +The scene is indelibly impressed upon my memory; for although I have +since witnessed scenes containing more stage effect, and quite as +melting, I never in my life remember to have been so affected as, with +Jane's arm around me, and the light of the nursery-lamp shining upon our +kneeling figures, I distinctly heard Mammy's sobs, as she repeated each +word with a peculiar intonation of reverence. I felt a respect for the +young girl ever afterwards; and as I clasped my arms about her neck and +pressed a warm kiss on her cheek, as I bade her good-night, the tone of +my voice must have been unusually tender--for I saw tears come into her +eyes as she asked Mammy if she was not afraid, from my flushed cheeks, +that I had some fever. Although petulant, and even violent when roused, +I had a warm, loving heart, capable of the most unbounded affection; and +from that time forth Jane and I never had a single dispute. She had +appeared to me in a new light on that Sabbath eve; and with my hand +locked in hers, I fell into a sweet, dreamy sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +One of my great troubles, and one too which I regarded in a pretty +serious light, was the obeisance I had been taught to make on meeting +"the minister's wife." I never came within view of this formidable +personage that I did not hesitate and tremble; while I looked wildly +around, in the vain hope of discovering a place of refuge. After +performing my awkward courtesy, I usually hastened on as fast as +possible, being oppressed with a most uncomfortable sensation of awe in +the presence of Mrs. Eylton. This was occasioned by the quiet observance +which I, like other children, took of the conduct of those around me. +Everything in the house seemed to be at her command; if Mrs. Eylton sent +for a thing she must have it immediately; and I drew my conclusions +that "the minister's wife" was a sort of petty sovereign, placed over +the town or village in which she resided, and that all we possessed was +held under her. + +Almost every day brought a request from Mrs. Eylton for the loan of some +article in our possession; a repetition of which would naturally lead +one to conclude that ministers merely procured a house, and then +depended for everything else on the charity of the public. This +borrowing mania appeared to gather strength from indulgence, for none of +the neighbors would refuse, whatever the article might be; and our +waffle-iron, toasting-fork, Dutch-oven, bake-pan, and rolling-pin were +frequently from home on visits of a week's duration. On sending for our +muffin-rings or cake-pans, we often received a message to be expeditious +in our manufactures; that Mrs. Eylton could spare them for a day or so, +"but wanted to use them again very shortly." Our parents would buy such +conveniences, send them to the kitchen of Mrs. Eylton, and borrow them +from time to time, if in perfect accordance with that lady's +convenience. She would even borrow her neighbor's servants, and often at +very inconvenient times. Jane had often been sent for to take care of +the children; and the usual request came one afternoon that seemed to me +stamped with most remarkable events. + +We were in a kind of sitting-room on the ground-floor, and my father sat +writing at a small table near the window. A servant entered with the +announcement: "Mrs. Eylton, ma'am, wants to borrow Jane." + +An expression of vexation crossed my mother's countenance as she +remarked: "I do not know how I can possibly spare Jane this afternoon; +Mammy has gone out, and I do not feel inclined to attend to the children +myself." + +My father looked up from his writing as he observed: "Nor do I see the +necessity of your being troubled with them, Laura." + +"Not see the necessity!" exclaimed my mother, "How can I refuse the wife +of our minister? I would be willing to put up with some inconvenience +for Mr. Eylton's sake. Poor man! he has a hard time of it, with his +talents and refinement." + +"No doubt he has," said my father, pityingly; then, in a more merry +tone, he added: "But can you think of no other alternative, Laura, than +disobliging Mrs. Eylton, if you object to this juvenile infliction for a +whole long summer's afternoon?" + +My father was of a bolder, more determined character than my mother, and +had, withal, a spice of fun in his composition; and the expression of +his eyes now rendered her apprehensive of some sudden scheme that might +create a feeling of justifiable anger in Mrs. Eylton. + +"Dearest Arthur!" she exclaimed beseechingly, as she placed a soft hand +on his shoulder, "Do not, I beseech of you, put in execution any +outlandish plan respecting Mrs. Eylton!--Do let Jane go as usual; for +she is not one to understand a joke, I can assure you--she will be +offended by it." + +"And pray, madam," asked my father, with assumed gravity, "what has led +you to suppose that I intended making Mrs. Eylton the subject of a +joke? Away with you," he continued, with a mischievous look at those +pleading eyes, "Away with you, and let me do as I choose." + +Turning to the servant, he asked: "Mrs. Eylton has, I believe, requested +the loan of other articles besides our domestics--has she ever sent to +borrow any of the children?" + +"Indeed, and she has not, sir," replied the girl, with difficulty +repressing a laugh. + +"Well then," said he, "we will now send her both the article she +requested, and some articles which she did not request. Tell Jane to be +ready to go to Mrs. Eylton's with the children." + +"Yes sir," and the servant departed to execute her commission. + +"Arthur!" remonstrated my mother. + +"Not a word!" said my father gaily. "Children," he continued, "do you +wish to go? What says my madcap, Amy?" + +Madcap Amy, for once in her life, said nothing--being too much awed and +astonished to reply. To think that I should actually enter the house, +and be face to face with the formidable Mrs. Eylton? The idea was +appalling; and for sometime I sat biting my nails in thoughful silence. +It was so sudden, it had always appeared to me that a great deal must be +gone through with--a great many different degrees of intimacy +surmounted, before I should ever find myself within the house of Mrs. +Eylton; but here was I, without the least warning, to be transformed +from the bashful child, who made no sign of recognition save an awkward +courtesy, into the regular visitor--and for a whole afternoon! No wonder +I took so long to deliberate. Though not particularly remarkable for +bashfulness or timidity at home, and despite a character for violence +in, "fighting my own battles," to assert some infringed right, I +absolutely trembled at the idea of encountering strangers; and this +visit to Mrs. Eylton's appeared, to my excited mind, like thrusting +myself into the enemy's quarters. + +But then curiosity rose up in all its powers, to baffle my fear; I did +_so_ want to see how the house looked inside, and whether they really +had anything that was not borrowed! And then who knows, thought I, but +what Mrs. Eylton will show me the inside of some of her drawers? I dare +say she has a great many pretty things. There was nothing which gave me +greater delight than looking into other people's drawers, and turning +over those remnants of various things which are stored away in most +houses--in many for the mere love of hoarding. Mamma would sometimes +allow me to arrange certain little drawers containing jewelry, ribbons, +and odds and ends. But the charmed room in our house was one that was +always kept locked, and, from the circumstance of a green ribbon being +attached to the key, we called it "the green-ribbon room." + +Dear me! what a collection that room contained. There were several large +trunks that nearly covered the floor, besides boxes, and bags, and +bundles; and these were filled with cast-off clothes, silks, ribbons, +and bunches of artificial flowers and feathers. The room was not very +often opened; it was at the very top of the house, and lighted by a +large dormar-window; but as soon as mamma mounted the stairs, with the +key in her hand, the alarm was given: "Quick! mother is going to the +green-ribbon room!" and mamma's ears were immediately refreshed by the +sound of numerous little feet moving up stairs at locomotive speed, with +the ostensible purpose of assisting her in her researches--but in +reality, to be getting in her way, and begging for everything we saw. It +was, "Mamma, mayn't we have this?" or, "mayn't we have that?" or "Do say +yes, just this once; and we'll never ask you for anything again as long +as we live--never," a promise faithfully kept till next time. + +Mamma sometimes tried to go up very softly, in order to elude our +vigilance; but it wouldn't do. She often wondered how we found out that +that she was there, but we seldom missed an opportunity. Now and then a +dear little pitcher, or a vase of cream-colored ground with a wreath of +faint pink roses traced around it, or a cluster of bright-colored +flowers in the centre, arrested our attention, and called forth +rhapsodies of admiration. I supposed that everybody had just such a +room; and it was very probable, I thought, that Mrs. Eylton might chance +to open hers during our visit. Therefore I decided that, notwithstanding +my terror of the lady, a greater amount of pleasure might be obtained +by going there, than by staying at home. + +So Jane, with her own trim person as neat as possible, bore off her +charges to the nursery, in order, as she said, "to make us fit to be +seen." "Mrs. Eylton might see this," or "notice that," and I felt +uncomfortably convinced that Mrs. Eylton must possess the sharpest pair +of eyes it had ever been my misfortune to encounter. Finally, we set +off; I remember being dressed in a white frock, with a broad sash, and +experiencing a consciousness of looking remarkably well, in spite of my +hair--which, having obstinately repulsed all Jane's advances with tongs +and curl-papers, was suffered to remain in all its native straightness. + +It was summer, and a multiflora rose-vine, which extended over the front +of the parsonage, was then in full flower; while, as we mounted the +steps, I distinguished through the green blind door glimpses of a +pleasant-looking garden beyond. We entered the back parlor, where sat +Mrs. Eylton attired for a walk, and surrounded by three children, all +younger than myself. The minister's lady did not appear quite so +formidable on a close survey; though the aspect of her countenance was +by no means promising, as her eye fell upon us. + +"Well, Jane," she commenced, in the tone of one who felt herself +injured, "you have kept me waiting some time--how is this? Punctuality +is a virtue very becoming in a young person." + +Jane looked exceedingly disconcerted at this address; but at length she +replied, that "she could not get the children ready before." + +"_The children_!" repeated Mrs. Eylton; while, young as I was, I plainly +read in her countenance, "What possessed you to bring _them_ here?" + +"Yes ma'am," replied Jane, gathering more courage as she proceeded, +"Mrs. Chesbury sent them with me to spend the afternoon. She had no one +to attend to them at home." + +In the meantime I became aware, as I glanced around the room, that the +prospect for the afternoon promised very little amusement. Mrs. Eylton +soon after left us, telling Jane to be very careful that we got into no +mischief; and, with, a feeling of disappointment, I saw the door close +behind her. In my scenting of the apartment I became very much struck +with the appearance of a curious looking little work-stand, containing +three small drawers. Immediately my imagination was at work upon their +contents; and I determined, if possible, to satisfy my curiosity. Mrs. +Eylton had departed without making any provision for our amusement, and +I saw no reason why I should not examine the drawers--especially if I +handled things carefully, and put them all back again. Probably they +were in disorder, and then what a pleasant surprise it would be for Mrs. +Eylton to find them all neatly arranged on her return! + +Jane now proposed walking in the garden; and to avoid suspicion, I +joined the party for the present. There were a great many flower-beds, +very prettily laid out; and at the end of a wide path stood a pleasant +little summer-house, half-buried in vines. We established ourselves +there, from whence we could view the whole garden; and with a pretence +of looking again at the flowers, I soon made my escape, and returned to +the house. A wide glass-door opened from the back room into the garden, +and carefully closing this, I approached the table and attempted to open +the drawers. I tried the first one,--it was locked; the second,--and met +with no better success. Almost in despair, I placed my hands on the +third, and that finally yielded to my efforts. I beheld heterogeneous +rows of pins, papers of needles, &c., and was about to shut it in +disappointment, when my glance fell on a small box. Small, +mysterious-looking boxes always possessed a talismanic attraction in my +eyes; and the next moment I was busily at work examining the contents. +The round lid lifted, I found my gaze irresistibly fascinated by a +child's face, with fair, curling hair, and azure eyes. But the great +beauty lay in its expression; that was so calm, holy, and serene, that I +felt insensibly better as I gazed upon it. It was a peculiar face; and I +became so wrapt in its contemplation as to lose all hearing of what +passed around, until a step sounded close beside me. + +I looked up, and fairly trembled with terror and dismay. There stood +Mr. Eylton, gazing on me in surprise, as if quite at a loss what to make +of the circumstance; but as his eye fell upon the picture, I noticed +that an expression of sadness crossed his countenance. Not knowing what +to do with myself, and almost ready to sink through the floor with +shame, I stood with bowed head and burning cheeks, the very picture of +mortification. But there was no trace of anger in Mr. Eylton's tone, as, +kindly taking me by the hand, he drew me towards him and asked me my +name. I answered as well as I could; and still holding the picture, +remained in silent consternation. Mr. Eylton took it from my hand, and +sighed as he bent a deep, loving gaze upon the fair face. + +Prompted by a sudden impulse, I raised my eyes to his, as I enquired: +"Can you tell me where that little girl is now? I should _so_ like to +see her!" + +"In heaven, I trust," replied Mr. Eylton, while his voice slightly +faltered, and a tear stood in his eye. "She was my daughter, Amy--she +died some years ago, when very young." + +I felt almost ready to cry myself, when told that she was dead, and +gazed lingeringly upon the portrait as Mr. Eylton closed the box; and +placing it in the drawer, he returned to me again. + +"But, my dear child," said he suddenly, "Why did you open the drawer? Do +you not know that it was extremely improper?" + +"I did _so_ want to see what was in it!" was my rejoinder. + +Mr. Eylton seemed puzzled at first by this reply; but probably +perceiving that I had been too much left to myself, he proceeded to +explain, in clear and concise words, the nature and tendency of my +fault. "This curiosity, my dear child, is an improper state of feeling +which should not be indulged in. Suppose," continued he, "that on +looking into this drawer, you had perceived some article which you +immediately felt a great desire to possess; yielding to the temptation +of curiosity would thus lead to the sin of covetousness, and perhaps the +crime of theft might be also added. You would reason with yourself that +no one had seen you open the drawer, and forgetting the all-seeing Eye +which never slumbers, you might conclude that no one would know you took +the article which did not belong to you." + +The prospect of becoming a thief struck me with horror; and resolving +never again to meddle with other people's things, I begged Mr. Eylton to +forgive me, and entreated him not to inform Mrs. Eylton of my +misdemeanor. He smiled at the anxiety I displayed not to have it known; +and then taking a bunch of keys from a box, he proceeded to gratify my +curiosity with respect to the other drawers. These amply repaid an +investigation; containing numerous toys and trinkets of foreign +manufacture, among which were two or three small alabaster images. One +represented a beautiful greyhound in a reclining position; there was an +Italian image of the Virgin and Child; and some others which I have +almost forgotten. I was allowed to examine all these things at my +leisure; and when I departed, it was with a firm conviction that Mr. +Eylton was far more agreeable than his wife. + +Jane soon came in from the summer-house, after an unsuccessful search +for me through the garden, and was not a little surprised to find me +quietly established with Mr. Eylton. Towards sunset Mrs. Eylton +returned; and being graciously dismissed, we went home with the +impression that it had been altogether rather a curious visit. But the +afternoon dwelt in my memory like a golden gleam; and often I went over, +in imagination, that delightful investigation of Mrs. Eylton's drawers. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +We were generally besieged with visitors of all descriptions and +characters. My parents had one or two poor relations who made long stays +at every visit; and being generous, even to a fault, they loaded them +with presents at their departure, and invitations to come again. There +was one old lady, in particular, who engaged my fancy; she came to see +us quite often, and in the family went by the name of "Aunty Patton." +Aunty Patton was a widow, with very slender means; and boarded with a +married daughter, who had a large family of children, but very little to +support them on. Poor Aunty! she fared rather poorly at home, and did +_so_ seem to enjoy everything. She was particularly fond of fruit-cake; +and whenever she came, mamma took particular pains that this should be +one of the appliances of the tea-table. She possessed many wealthy +acquaintances and relations, and enjoyed visiting around among them very +much; praising everything that was set before her, and never +contradicting any one. It teemed impossible to put anything on the table +which she did not like; everything was "good," and "delightful," and +"just what she would have fancied." At length some cousin determined to +test her patience; and on one occasion, when the old lady happened to +dine there, the dishes, when uncovered, were found to contain nothing +but supaun and potatoes. + +"I am really sorry, Aunty Patton," began the hostess, "to be able to +offer you nothing better for dinner--but sometimes you know"-- + +"O," said Aunty, with rather a rueful look, "it'll _do_." + +Poor Aunty had that very day prepared herself for something uncommonly +nice in the way of dinner, and felt a little disappointed; but cousin +Emma soon restored her equanimity by a liberal display of fruit-cake and +other nice things, which presented themselves on opening the side-board +door. + +Aunty Patton had mild, winning kind of manners, and became a general +favorite in the nursery; probably on account of her always noticing us, +and pronouncing us "lovely little creatures." She appeared to me the +most heavenly-minded old lady I had ever seen; and I listened, with a +species of awe, to the long stories which she loved so dearly to relate +about everybody whom she visited. She was very short--not seeming to me +much taller than myself--and the cumbrous dress of the period was +calculated to make her appear much shorter. She would sit and relate +wonderful occurrences which seemed constantly taking place in her +daughter's family; one of the children would cut his foot, and for +sometime there would be danger of amputation--another urchin would upset +a kettle of scalding water on himself, and then he would be laid up for +sometime, while mamma turned the green-ribbon room topsy-turvy in her +searches after old linen--and once the daughter fell down stairs, and +was taken up for dead. They seemed to be an unfortunate family--always +meeting with hair-breadth escapes. Aunty Patton's reticule was always +well filled with good things on every occasion of her departure; and +very often a collection of money was added to the stock. + +Mamma sometimes endeavored to enlist our sympathies in benevolent +purposes. I remember, on one occasion, when I had been teasing sometime +for a new tortoise-shell comb to keep back my hair with, it suddenly +entered my head that it would be a well-disposed action to ask for some +money to give Aunty Patton. + +"Are you willing, Amy, to deny yourself anything," asked mamma, after I +had made my request, "in order that I may give this money to Aunty +Patton? It is no benevolence in you to ask me to give away money, unless +you are willing to do without something in consequence. If I give Aunty +Patton the five dollars that your comb will cost, are you willing to do +without it?" + +"Dear me," thought I, "being good is very expensive." I deliberated for +sometime, but finally answered, "No." My mother pressed the subject no +farther; but after a while I exclaimed with a comfortable feeling of +magnanimity; "Yes, dear mamma, you _may_ give Aunty Patton the five +dollars--and I'll get _papa_ to buy me the comb!" + +Mammy was a great judge of character, and when she once made up her mind +not to like a person, it was very difficult to make her change her +sentiments. My father once brought in a travelling clergyman, who +represented himself as very devout and unfortunate; and we all made +great efforts to entertain him. He was travelling West, he said, and +endeavoring to collect on the road sufficient money to pay his expenses. +My father invited him to remain with us a month; and he seemed very much +to enjoy the good things so liberally showered upon him--contriving at +the same time to render himself so agreeable that he quite won our +hearts. Mammy alone remained proof against his insinuations; he paid +assiduous court to her, and did his best to remove this unfavorable +impression, but the old nurse remained immovable. + +He once asked her for the key to the fruit-garden, when my parents were +both out; but Mammy stedfastly refused him. "She had orders," she said, +"not to let the key go out of her possession, and she didn't intend to +now." The wandering clergyman departed quite enraged; and reported +proceedings as soon as my father returned. He was very much displeased +at Mammy's obstinacy, and spoke quite warmly on the subject; but the old +nurse replied that "she didn't know but he might make off with half the +fruit in the garden--she didn't like the man's looks at any rate." + +I had then in my possession a little morocco pocket-book, a treasured +article, which I valued above all my other worldly goods. Sometime +before Christmas, I had observed it in a a shop-window with passionate +admiration; and on my return home, I threw out various hints and +inuendoes--scarcely hoping that they would be attended to. They were, +however; for on examining my stocking on the eventful morning, the +long-coveted pocket-book was found sticking in the toe--and what was +still better, well supplied with contents. I was in ecstasy for +sometime after; but wishing to do something to signalize myself, I now +placed it in the hands of the Rev. Mr. Motley for safe keeping. + +"Mark my words," said Mammy prophetically, "you'll never see a sign of +that pocket-book again." + +Alas! her words were but too true; circumstances came to light not very +favorable to the character of our visitor; and that very night the Rev. +Mr. Motley secretly decamped--mentioning in a note left behind, that +unlooked-for events had hastened his departure. My little pocket-book +accompanied him, as he quite forgot to return it; and Mammy's triumph +was almost as provoking as the loss. She had, however, with +characteristic caution, abstracted whatever money it contained; and the +reflection that the reverend gentleman had not gained much, gave her +considerable pleasure. The lesson taught me not to trust strangers again +too readily, and my father imbibed somewhat of a prejudice against +travelling clergymen in distress. Rev. Mr. Motley was never again heard +of. + +We once had a visit from a Captain Vardell, an acquaintance of my +father's, who had married a Spanish woman. This Captain had spent much +of his time at sea; roving about from place to place, until at length he +settled down for some years in Spain. He had no relations in America, +and but little money, so that of course my father's house, the usual +refuge of the needy and distressed, was at once his destination. He +appeared to us an indolent, good-natured kind of a man, and his wife +resembled him in the former quality, though quite deficient in the +latter. She could not speak a word of English, and would scold and rail +at her husband in Spanish for hours together. We did not understand what +she said, but we knew, by the flashing of those great black eyes and her +animated gestures, that her words were not words of love. She was a +large woman, with straight, black hair, that seemed to be always hanging +about her face, and rather handsome features. She spent most of her time +in playing jackstraws with us, or else lounging on the sofa; muttering +in rapid succession the words of a small prayer-book, which Captain +Vardell told us she always carried about her, as it had been consecrated +and given to her by a Spanish priest. She appeared to us very much like +a great overgrown baby; manifesting the most childish delight on winning +a game, and equally angry when defeated. Once, when in extreme +good-humor, she shewed us how to make beads resembling coral, from a +certain paste which she manufactured; but we never could extract from +her the names of the materials, and were obliged to content ourselves +with making them under her direction. + +Mrs. Vardell was so extremely lazy that she would never stoop to pick up +anything she had dropped. If her handkerchief or prayer-book fell to the +floor, she made motions for us to bring them to her; and when we +sometimes mischievously pretended not to understand these signs, she +would let the article remain until some one restored it to her. She +never seemed to experience the least emotion of gratitude, and received +all favors as a natural right. She was an extremely troublesome, +exacting visitor, and we were not at all sorry when the time of her +departure arrived. + +My father had exerted himself on their behalf, and at the end of their +visit handed Captain Vardell a handsome sum of money, collected from +among his merchant friends and acquaintances. People were much more +liberal then than now, and the case of the Vardells did not fail to call +forth their sympathy and generosity. The Spanish lady made her adieus, +if so they could be called, with an easy indifference--apparently +considering her fellow-mortals as machines invented for her sole use and +benefit. Captain Vardell presented us children with a handsome +collection of shells, picked up on foreign shores during his numerous +voyages; and some of them were very rare and beautiful. Most of them had +a delicate pink tinge, like the outer leaves of a just-blown rose; and +we amused ourselves fur a long time by arranging them in a glass-case +which my father gave us for the purpose. + +Among our visitors was an aunt of my mother's who lived in Waterford, +Connecticut; and being a widow, with quite a large farm to attend to, +her visits were never of long duration. I became very much attached to +her, for she often entertained us with long stories about the Revolution +and the aggressions of the British soldiers--about which you shall hear +when I come to tell you of the long visit I made there one summer. Aunt +Henshaw was very proud of her farm and farming operations; her cattle +and vegetables had several times won the prize at agricultural fairs, +and she boasted that her land produced more than any of her neighbors'; +who, being men, were of course expected to be more accomplished in such +matters. She appeared to delight in giving away things, and seldom made +us a visit without bringing something of her own raising. These little +presents my father always repaid tenfold; and Aunt Henshaw departed +without a new gown or hat, or something to show when she got home. I +believe that we generally anticipated more pleasure from her visits than +from any of the numerous friends who often favored us with +their company. + +But Aunt Henshaw, I must confess, won my heart less by her own +individual merits than a present she once made me, which actually +appeared to me like a windfall from the skies. I was always +inordinately fond of reading, and my predelictions for fairy tales +amounted to an actual passion. When Mammy and Jane's ingenuity had been +exhausted in framing instances of the marvellous for my special +gratification, I would often fold my hands before my face, to shut out +all actual scenes, and thus sit and dream of wonderful adventures with +fairies, witches, and enchanted princesses. I was always happier in a +reverie than in the company of others--my own ideals I could make as I +chose--the real I must take as I found it. Castle-building is a pleasant +but dangerous occupation; had I not been so much of an enthusiast, a +day-dreamer, it would have been better for my happiness. + +But to return to Aunt Henshaw and her present. Some school-mate one day +told me of the varied wonders contained in the "Arabian Kights." My +imagination, always excitable, became worked up to a high pitch by tales +of diamond caverns, flying horses, and mysterious Baloons under ground. +If I went to sleep, it was to dream of gardens more beautiful than +Paradise itself--of cooling fountains springing up at every step--of +all sorts of impossible fruits growing just where you wanted them--and +lamps and songs that gratified every wish. At length I could bear these +tantalizing visions of unattainable pleasure no longer; I put on my +bonnet and determined to go the whole rounds of the village until I met +with some success. People wondered what ailed me that afternoon; I +bolted directly into a room--asked if they had the Arabian Nights--and, +on being answered in the negative, went out as expeditiously as I had +gone in, and tried another acquaintance. I was not easily daunted, and +took each one in succession, but all to no purpose; I returned home, +fairly sick with disappointment, and hope delayed. + +The very next day Aunt Henshaw came down on a visit; and placing in my +hands an old-looking, leather-covered book, observed, "I happened to +come across this stowed away in an old chest, Amy, and knowing your +fondness for fairy tales, I have brought it for you to read." + +I scarcely heard what she said; I had glanced at the book, and on +seeing "Arabian Nights" traced in large gilt letters, the ground seemed +swimming before me, and I could scarcely contain my senses. Seizing the +beloved book, I made my escape as quickly as possible; and mounting up +to the cupola, a tiny room with glass sides, that commanded a view of +the country round, I effectually secured myself against interruption, +and soon became fascinated out of all remembrance. The day waned into +evening--the shadows deepened around--I remember fixing my eyes on a +brilliant star that seemed to come closer and closer, until it assumed a +strangely beautiful form, and I lost all consciousness. + +In the meantime a strict search for me had been going on below. They +began to be alarmed at my continued absence; and after examining every +room, the garden, and every spot on the premises, they sent around the +neighborhood. I was known to be extremely fond of visiting, and every +acquaintance was interrogated in turn--of course, without success. No +one had thought of the cupola, and mamma was getting fairly frightened; +when Mammy took a light, and on ascending to my dormitory, discovered me +fast asleep, with the book tightly clasped to my bosom. + +It afterwards yielded the boys as much delight as it had me; Fred, in +particular, had a notion of trying experiments upon the plan there laid +out. He had sat one afternoon for sometime with the book in his +hands--apparently resolving some problem in his own mind; Mammy was +stooping over the nursery fire, when she was suddenly startled by an +unexpected shower of water sprinkled over her head and neck--Fred at the +same time exclaiming, in a tone that seemed to doubt not: "I command you +instantly to turn into a coal black mare!" + +"I don't know what would become of you, you good-for-naught, if I did!" +returned Mammy. + +Some years later I read "The Children of the Abbey," and this opened a +new field of thought. My dreams, instead of being peopled with fairies +and genii, were now filled with distressed damsels who met with all +sorts of persecutions and Quixotic adventures, and finally ended where +they should have commenced. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +I had a boy-lover who always selected me as his partner in all our +plays, and kept me in pointers with blue ribbons attached to them, to +point out the towns on the large map in the school-room. Charles Tracy +was about my own age, but in disposition and taste he resembled my +brother Henry, and the two were quite inseparable; while his sister +Ellen and I formed an acquaintance through the fence by displaying our +dolls to each other--and this was the beginning of an intimacy that +lasted a long time for children's friendships. + +Ellen possessed a charm which often caused me to experience the +uncomfortable sensation of envy; her hair fell in long, golden-colored +ringlets upon her neck and shoulders, and these same curls seemed to +shake about so nicely whenever she moved her head. I sometimes thought +that Ellen shook them about much more than was absolutely necessary; but +at the same time they excited my warmest admiration. I felt as though I +could do anything--go through with all sorts of difficulties to have my +hair curl naturally; and with a feeling of unspeakable rapture I +listened to Ellen one day as she told me in a mysterious whisper that +the nurse had said eating crusts made her hair curl. + +_Eating crusts!_ What a discovery!--I immediately felt ready to eat all +the crusts in our house and every one else's. I bribed the children to +deliver up all their crusts to me, and commenced eating them with a +voracity that excited the surprise of all the nursery inmates. But +already, in perspective, I beheld my head adorned with long, glossy +curls, and I persevered, despite the laughter I excited. I devoured +crusts by the wholesale, but alas! no waving locks rewarded my patient +toil; and at length I had the pleasure of hearing that the crust +business was a fable, invented by Ellen's nurse to induce that young +lady to finish her odds and ends of bread, which she was very much +disposed to scatter about the nursery. It was cruel, after being +elevated to such a pinnacle of happiness, to find my hopes thus rudely +dashed to the ground; and my hair seemed straighter than ever, from +contrast with what I had expected it to be. Ellen was prevented from +wasting her crusts, and so far it was well; but the nurse lost by her +falsehood whatever respect I may have had for her--a loss which she +perhaps did not regard as such, or indeed trouble herself at all +about--but even a child's good opinion is something. + +I was very much inclined to be fleshy--too much so, I thought, for +beauty of figure; and this was another great annoyance. People in +speaking of us, always used to say: "What fine large children!" until I +hated the very sound of it, and wished most earnestly for Ellen's light, +fairy-like figure. I once resolved to starve myself into growing thin; +and, to Mammy's great surprise, refused to taste the dinner she handed +me, and resolutely persisted in going to bed without my supper. Mammy, +good old soul! watched me narrowly, not having been let into the secret +of my laudable resolve; and while she supposed that I had fallen into a +restless slumber, I was in reality tossing about on my trundle bed, +suffering the tantalizing pains of hunger. I remonstrated with myself in +vain; heard all the _pros_ and _cons_ on both sides in this perplexing +case of vanity _vs._ appetite, and finally resolved to satisfy my +hunger, cost what it would. + +But how to do this was the next question. Enticing slices of bread and +butter kept dancing before my eyes; and at length, when I heard the +snore which announced Mammy's departure to the land of dreams, I rose as +quietly as possible, and descended on a foraging expedition to the +pantry. How very nice everything did look! I stood for a moment feasting +my eyes with the sight, but oh, ill-timed delay! I had not tasted a +single morsel, when a low whisper fell upon my ear, and on turning, I +beheld Mammy gazing on me rather fearfully, while at her elbow stood +Jane in night-gown and cap, who was violently rubbing her eyes in order +to clear away the fancied mist, and thus convince herself that it was +really the veritable _me_ who was about to perform such an +unheroine-like part. + +This discovery seemed to me exactly like those tantalizing dreams in +which you are sitting down at a table covered with everything nice, but +before you have time to taste anything your visions are rudely +dispelled, and you wake and look in vain for the tempting paraphernalia. +I once bore this in mind after being several times teased in this +manner; and resolving not to be so deceived again, I succeeded in +regaling myself with a mince-pie--which appeared to me quite in the +light of a triumph. I now cast about me for some means to escape from +this disagreeable dilemma; and having heard Mammy whisper to Jane: "How +very wild she looks!" I found that they supposed me to be walking in my +sleep, a practice to which I was somewhat addicted; and not seeing why +sleep-walkers should not direct their course to the cupboard as well as +anywhere else, I boldly seized a loaf and commenced an attack upon it. + +"Let us wait and see what she will do," whispered Mammy. + +"It is very evident what she will do, now that she has the loaf in her +hands," replied Jane in a sleepy tone. "I do not believe that she is +asleep at all, but just as wide awake as we are. I have read a story +somewhere," she continued, "of a French girl who succeeded in persuading +people that she lived without eating; but at last some one watched the +girl closely, and one night discovered her at the pantry, regaling +herself with cold chicken sufficiently to go without eating for a week. +Now, Miss Amy has eaten neither dinner nor supper, and she may be +imitating the French girl, in order to be made a fuss with. I will speak +to her and see." + +"Not for the world!" exclaimed Mammy in terror, as she grasped the more +enterprising Jane. "Do not touch her--for I have heard of its killing +people to be awakened suddenly while in this state." + +Jane obeyed, although her face still wore an incredulous expression; and +I continued eating, looking as wild as possible all the time. The +nursery-maid began at length to fear that I would put an end to my own +life, if not spoken to; but Mammy still objected--murmuring as she +watched my voracious performances; "Poor child! how hungry she must have +been to come down and eat in her sleep! I wonder why she refused her +tea?" + +After a while, however, I became more sleepy than hungry; and Mammy and +Jane kindly conveyed me back to my little bed, where I slept soundly +till morning. I was not destined to reap much glory from this +escapade--not even the glory of being a sleep-walker; for Jane, looking +me steadily in the face, said: "Now, Miss Amy, I wish you to tell me +truly whether you were asleep last night, when you went down into the +pantry and devoured almost a whole loaf of bread! Now be a good girl, +and tell the truth, for you frightened us very much." + +At first I pretended stupidity, and inquired, "what pantry?" and "what +bread?" but Jane soon discovered that I knew very well; and while she +looked at me so searchingly I could not possibly frame a plausible +story--so, from sheer necessity, I told the whole truth, "and nothing +but the truth." My curious attempt at getting thin excited great +amusement; but Mammy told me that she knew of a better way than that, +which was to run up and down stairs as much as possible. I followed her +advice until I became tired of it; and during that period I was +universally acknowledged to be the most obliging child in the house, for +I was quite indefatigable in running on other people's errands. I became +discouraged, though, when I found that I remained as fat as ever; and +began tasking my brain for some other expedient. + +I had gone to Ellen Tracy's to enjoy a holiday; and, quite mad with +spirits, we roamed hither and thither, scarcely knowing what to do with +ourselves. At length Ellen proposed that we should go to "the boys' +room," and go we accordingly did. We would have recognized it as the +sanctum of two or three noisy urchins of the male gender, even had we +not known it beforehand. On the dressing-table stood a top, half-a-dozen +marbles, and a fishing-line; while the walls displayed various quaint +devices of their own drawing. There was a something which, Ellen +informed us, was intended for a ghost; but if so, he had a most undue +proportion of flesh on his bones, and looked far more like a giant. We +concluded to equip ourselves in male attire, for the sake of +variety--being heartily tired of frocks and petticoats; and Ellen's +pretty curls having been tucked up under a round cap, she looked so +fascinating that I felt quite ambitious to rival her--but in attempting +to draw on one of Charles' jackets, I found that it would not meet round +my waist. Oh, mortification unspeakable! to find myself larger around +the waist than a boy a whole year my senior! I could scarcely refrain +from bursting into tears; forgetting that I belonged to the dumpling +order, while Charles was as slender and straight as a young birch tree. +My pleasure for that day was gone; in vain Ellen displayed her whole +stock of worldly possessions to tempt my admiration. I scarcely bestowed +a look on anything, and returned home perfectly miserable. + +For days I kept my ears wide open in hopes of catching something that +might relieve my distress, and at length I met with some success. I +overheard a visitor telling my mother of some young lady, whose figure +they had been admiring, that she was nothing at all without her +corsets--a complete dumpling; and then followed a long digression on the +impropriety of imposing upon the public in this manner; but for that I +did not care--I determined to impose upon them too, as soon as I got a +chance. Soon after, a school-mate encased me in a remarkably tight pair, +during an afternoon's visit; and having, as she said, 'made me look +quite genteel,' I departed for home with the delightful consciousness of +being 'something of a figure.' Before bed-time I had a romp in the +garden with my wild brother and Charles Tracy; I experienced a feeling +of suffocation, while running through the paths, that became quite +insupportable. + +"Why Amy!" exclaimed Charles as he grasped my arm, "What _is_ the +matter? you look quite black in the face!" They all gathered around me, +but unable to speak, I sank back into Charles Tracy's arms, and lost +all consciousness. + +When I recovered, I found myself lying on my own little bed, with my +mother bending fondly over me--the cause of all this trouble on a chair +at my side--and Mammy, dear, good Mammy! regarding me with a puzzled +look of surprise. + +"Why, she actually fainted!" whispered Jane, "just dead away, like any +grown person!" + +"No," replied Mammy, "the child was dreadfully squeezed, and that took +away her breath. She'll kill herself next, with some of her capers!" + +Mamma now made a sign for them to be quiet, and stooping down close to +my face, asked me how I felt. I tried to answer, "better;" but the words +almost choked me, and I still experienced a difficulty in breathing. The +evil consequences of this attempt at the graceful were but temporary, +however; and the next morning, as I sat up quite recovered, a discussion +took place between mamma and the old nurse on the propriety of +equipping me at once in corsets to improve my figure. I soon experienced +the delight of possessing a pair of my own; on which memorable occasion, +I resolved that, like the old woman, I would "neither borrow nor lend;" +but the present was conditional--on the first instance of my lacing too +tight it was to be taken from me. I took care that this should never +happen--that is, to such a degree as to expose myself to punishment; but +in many a scene of enjoyment did I suffer the consequences of my foolish +vanity. Often while music, and dancing, and everything contributed to +render a children's party delightful, I sat apart in a corner, or else +went languidly through the figures of the dance, while every nerve +throbbed with acute pain. + +Ellen and I had for sometime noticed that Charles and Henry were more +together than ever. They seldom associated with us now, or asked us to +join them; Henry proved faithless with respect to a table he had +promised my doll, and Charles refused, for the present, to dig his +sister's garden spot; therefore we put our two wise heads together and +concluded that this must mean something. The moment school was out, the +cap was hastily snatched from its nail in the entry, and they both +sallied forth together--where, or for what purpose, we tried in vain to +discover. On Saturdays they were constantly at work in the barn, +hammering, and cutting, and shaving; and one day we detected them +making, over a fire which they had built on bricks in the open air, +something which smelt very much like molasses candy. But upon Ellen's +venturing to communicate this to Charles, he answered contemptuously +that "it was just like girls!--always fancying that everything was +something eatable!" + +The two made a journey to town together, and came back laden with sundry +parcels; and notwithstanding all this business, Henry found time to be +very industrious in weeding the flower-beds, for which my father paid +him so much an hour--and I noticed that he was uncommonly punctual in +presenting his bills. Without being very penetrating, we discovered +that the scheme, whatever it might be, was one that required a great +deal of time, a great deal of shopping, and a great deal of money. We +racked our brains in vain, and not a single mite of information could we +extract from the boys; indeed, we might just as well have attacked two +pine boards, for they pretended to be deaf as soon as we commenced our +inquiries. Ellen began to be afraid that they meditated living on some +wild island, like Robinson Crusoe, for she had seen Charles privately +appropriate a hatchet, and a ball of twine; and I inclined to the +opinion that they were both going to sea, and represented to Ellen how +delightful it would be to have them making voyages and bringing us +shells, and corals, and all sorts of curious things. But I was the +greatest philosopher of the two, for my more timid playmate cried +bitterly at the idea; and it was sometime before I could succeed in +pacifying her. + +We one day discovered the boys in an old barn on the premises; and +waiting patiently near by until we saw them depart on some errand to the +house, we perceived, to our great joy that the door was unfastened; and +effecting a hasty entrance, we expected to be almost as well rewarded +for our trouble as was Blue-beard's wife on entering the forbidden +chamber. But nothing could we see except a few old boxes turned upside +down, and along one side a neat row of shelves. We perceived indeed that +the small window now contained four panes of glass, and we also +discovered two or three little shelves there. But here our discoveries +ended; there was nothing to account for all the labor and privacy that +had been going on for the last two or three weeks,--and quite in +despair, we returned to the house before the boys discovered our prying. + +Things continued in this state for sometime longer; and finding that all +our efforts at discovery were not rewarded with the slightest success, +we assumed an appearance of proud indifference, and pretended to be as +much occupied with our dolls and baby-houses as they were with their +barn. Now and then one of the boys, in the tantalizing spirit of +mischief, would thrust a parcel under our very eyes, exclaiming at the +same time: "Wouldn't you like to see the inside, though? Confess, now, +that you would give your very ears to know what's in it!" + +"Indeed, and we would not!" in great indignation, "not we! We supposed +that it was some boys' nonsense not worth talking about, and were quite +occupied with our own affairs, without troubling ourselves about them." + +In a tone that sounded very much as though he were in earnest, Charles +would continue: "Suppose, Henry, that we let them know what it is, if +they promise not to tell--shall we?" + +"By no means," Henry would reply, with the air of a Socrates, "Women can +never keep a secret--I have heard my father say so." + +"We were sure we didn't want to hear their secrets!" and indignantly +clipping away with our scissors, we turned a deaf ear to all further +remarks. However, the secret did come to light after a while, and in a +most unexpected manner. + +We had just received a liberal allowance of pocket-money, and while +Ellen and I deliberated on the various ways in which it might be spent +to advantage, Henry asked us, with a perfectly grave face, if we had +heard of the new store lately opened near us? _New_ store! Why there had +never been any store at all, except the little stand kept by old Betty +Tweednor, and now Henry spoke of the new store as though such a thing +had ever existed. Certainly we had not heard of it; but resolving to +remain no longer in ignorance, we seized our bonnets, and were ready to +start in a moment. Henry looked very knowing and mysterious; but +following his guidance, we soon found ourselves at the barn which had +before excited our curiosity. Why, it had been turned into a regular +shop! Rows of candies, better known among children as "barber's-poles," +looked imposingly out of the window, and these were flanked by piles of +pea-nuts, apples, &c. But all these would have been nothing without that +delight of childhood--taffy-candy; and upon a further investigation, we +discovered a very ingenious pair of clam-shell scales, with holes bored +for strings to pass through, and suspended from a stout stick which was +kept in its place by being fastened to an upright piece of wood at each +end--the whole resting upon a very complete counter formed of old +boxes. It looked exactly like a real store; and behind the counter stood +Charles, as demure as possible,--while crowds of our schoolmates gazed, +admired, and wondered. + +A sign near the door informed passers that "the proprietors, grateful +for past favors and the patronage of a liberal public, would continue +the business under the firm of Chesbury and Tracy." It would be a +somewhat difficult task, we thought, to discover the favors and +patronage alluded to; but the young merchants had concluded that this +clause gave a dignity and air of reality to the whole. We experienced +the pleasure of making purchases, weighed out to us from the much +admired clam-shell scales, and were very particular in exacting full +weight. Each sale was recorded in a small account book; and long after +we had grown to the years of discretion, our mirth was excited by +accidentally meeting with this juvenile record. So many purchases were +made that afternoon, that the young storekeepers perceived with dismay +the very visible decrease in their supplies. We accused them of +retrenching considerably in their quantities, on this discovery, and +thought that they were too inexperienced for so weighty an office. + +Ellen and I often added to their stores by little pies and cakes which +we manufactured at home; and in process of time their articles embraced +such a variety that the shop became quite celebrated. Even mamma would +sometimes come to make purchases; and the boy-merchants found their +scheme a very profitable one. But alas! it vanished with the last summer +breath; the early snows surrounded their little store, and all access +became inconvenient. So they had a sale at prime cost--and we then +obtained most wonderful bargains in the confectionary line. Finding +himself quite wealthy now, Charles could well afford to be generous; and +presented me with a new doll, and his sister Ellen with a miniature set +of cups and saucers, over which we had many happy tea-drinkings. We +received no presents from Henry, and heard nothing of his money; and it +was not till some time after, and then through another source, that we +learned that his portion had materially helped to keep a poor woman +from freezing during the winter. My father often remarked of Henry, that +"he was too generous and self-forgetful ever to be rich;" but there is +no doubt that such have their reward--in their own consciences at least. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +The winter wore rapidly away with sleigh-riding, snow-balling, and our +usual parties; and spring, lovely spring! again made its appearance. Our +flower-garden looked its very loveliest at this season; for it boasted +countless stores of hyacinths, tulips, daffodils, blue-bells, violets, +crocuses, &c. I remember so well when we first noticed the little green +sprouts shooting up in spots from which the snow had melted; and on +making this discovery, we always danced into the house and shouted out: +"Spring has come!" It gladdened our very hearts to find the first little +violet that dared to show its head above the ground; and then we ran to +the peach-trees to look at the delicate pink buds that shot forth so +curiously without any leaves. There was a warm sweet breath abroad upon +the air that tossed our hair about, and fanned our flushed cheeks, and +we knew that it was spring, sweet spring! that had come again to us. Oh, +how delightful it was when, escaped from all watchful eyes, I could +throw aside the troublesome sun-bonnet, that so obstructed my sight, and +dig and delve at pleasure! Never in all my life have I been so happy as +in these delightful spring days, when I roved about the paths with a +heart full of happiness, and a sensation of thankfulness for the +blessings I enjoyed. + +Two circumstances contributed materially to immortalize this particular +spring in my recollections: I then completed my tenth year, which I +thought left me on the very threshold of womanhood, and we had two pet +squirrels, who inhabited the locust trees in front of the house, with a +tin cage to retire to at night--one of whom we called "blackey," and the +other "browney," from their different colors. + +"Blackey" was extremely mischievous, and rarely could be caught; but +"browney" seemed a perfect paragon of gentleness and goodness--and I +would seat myself on the steps, holding him for hours, and listening to +the monotonous hum of the locusts, which always filled my heart with a +sense of quiet happiness. Did you never sit watching the glorious +sunbeams, as they fell on the soft, fresh grass, and with this low, +soothing hum in your ears, feel that the earth was very beautiful? I +have; but then I was a dreamer--an unmistakable, enthusiastic dreamer, +and my fancies would, perhaps, be laughed at by the wise ones of earth. + +To return to "browney;" my love cooled for him very suddenly one +morning, as, with my finger in close proximity to his mouth, I sat and +apostrophized him thus, "You dear, little angel, you! I love you +dearly!" a sudden closing of sharp little teeth on my poor fingers put +an end to my rhapsodies; and the "little angel" was most unceremoniously +dropped on the ground, from whence he made his escape to his usual home, +the locust tree--and I never again sought to entice him from his +retreat. I ran about the walks as usual this spring, but it was with +languor and indifference that I visited our usual haunts; and I +wondered what it was that made my steps so very slow and dragging--it +seemed as though a weight were tied on each heel. If I attempted a race +with the boys, I was obliged to give up from very weariness; and +laughing at what they termed my laziness, they pursued their amusements +without me. Charles Tracy would now and then bring me a bunch of wild +flowers; and to the surprise of all, I preferred sitting with them in my +hands to joining in my usual noisy games. I grew pale and thin; and +Mammy and Jane began to express their uneasiness about me, while I often +noticed my mother's eyes fixed upon me in tender solicitude. + +I went to bed one night feeling restless and feverish. It was the latter +part of April, and a small wood-fire still burned on the hearth; on the +embers of which I fixed my eyes steadfastly, until strange shapes and +burning eyes seemed moving about the quiet hearth. I was quite alone; +Mammy had gone out to spend the evening, and Jane was taking her tea in +the kitchen. Had it been for life or death I could not have spoken; I +tried to scream--but a hollow sound rattled in my ears--and with the +cold drops gathering on my forehead, I lay still, subdued, in a state of +delirious agony. I was almost senseless; until at length, feeling a +touch upon my arm, and a breathing at my side, I started wildly up, and +eluding all pursuit, fled swiftly down the stair-case. I pressed my hand +tightly on my throbbing head, and gaining the kitchen, burst suddenly +in, exclaiming, "O! Jane! Jane! do not leave me again!" I sunk down +insensible; and remember nothing but a scream of horror which proceeded +from Jane, who, having just seated herself beside me as I sprang out of +bed, had followed me in a state of breathless alarm to the kitchen. + +When I again opened my eyes, it was about midnight. I had been conveyed +to my mother's room, and now experienced the delightful sensation of +finding myself in a high bed, with curtains; while my head was raised up +with pillows to an unusual height. In turning myself to obtain a better +view of the surrounding scenery, I became conscious of a stiffness in my +right arm; and fairly shuddered with horror on perceiving a basin of +blood close to my bedside. But worse and worse! a few paces further off +stood a grave-looking man, whom, from his very air, I knew to be a +doctor. Nay, had I been at all doubtful on this point, the addition of a +pair of spectacles would have convinced me at once--as this is an +ornament especially pertaining to M. D.'s. I had always hated, loathed, +dreaded a doctor as I would a nauseous object; and I now trembled to +find myself in his power--fearing that he read my dislike in my face. +Spectacles, too, disconcerted me; the glimmer of the polished glass +seems to add new fire to the eyes beneath; and I now beheld a pair, eyes +and all, levelled directly upon me. I shuddered at the very idea of a +doctor, and could never sit still in the room with one; and now there +stood that horrid man, evidently regarding me as his victim, while I +felt too weak and sick to make the least resistance. + +My aversion probably arose from the circumstance of once having had a +loose front tooth pulled out--one that was just ready to jump out +itself; which operation, I felt convinced, had left my system in a very +shattered state. Often since did I torture myself for hours by mounting +up on a table before the glass, and with a string tied around a loosened +tooth, give it a little cowardly pull at intervals--lacking sufficient +courage to rid myself of my trouble at once. I have sometimes sat in +this interesting position for a whole morning; and should probably have +continued it through the afternoon had not Fred, or Henry, perceiving my +employment, come slyly behind me and caused me to start suddenly, which +always dislodged the troublesome tooth. + +My eyes rested a moment on the doctor, and then glanced off to seek some +more agreeable object, and having found mamma, she seemed like a lovely +angel in comparison with the ogre who, I felt convinced, only waited his +opportunity to put an end to my life. Mamma came close to me, and +observing my gaze still bent upon the basin, she whispered softly: "Do +not look so frightened, Amy, you have only been bled--that is all, +believe me." + +_All_! After this announcement I wondered that I breathed at all; and +had I not been too weak should certainly have cried over the thoughts +of the pain I must have suffered in my insensibility. I made no reply, +but leaned my head droopingly upon the pillow; and Dr. Irwin, taking my +hand, observed: "She is very weak, and we may expect delirium before +morning." + +His first assertion received the lie direct in the strength with which I +pushed him off, as I would the touch of a viper; and clinging to mamma, +I cried: "Take him away, dear mother! Take him away!--Do not let him +come near us!" + +"What?" exclaimed the doctor good-humoredly, "are you afraid of me, my +little lady? Do I look so very frightful?" + +I was quite surprised at his pleasant tone, and on a nearer survey of +his features, felt my passion considerably cooled; but those odious +spectacles spoiled all. I remember soon after being raised up, while +some one held a cup to my lips, but whether the draught were good or bad +I was unable to determine. Dr. Irwin now took my mother aside, and +whispered something in a low tone, as he placed a small packet in her +hands. I heard my mother say: "I am afraid she will never take it, +doctor," to which he replied: "But she _must_ take it, madam--we cannot +consider a child's humors in the scale with her life." I now felt +assured that some nauseous compound was being prepared for me; which I +firmly resolved to fling in the doctor's face, should he dare to +approach me with it. I was a perfect fury when roused; and this fancied +cruelty excited my strongest passions. + +But Dr. Irwin wisely took himself off; and the next morning poor mamma +received half the mixture on her dress, while the other half found a +resting place on the floor--a few drops only having slipped down my +throat; while one of the servants heard my screams at the end of the +village, and the next door neighbor, prompted by humanity, sent to +inquire the name of the murdered party. The next dose was more +successful; mamma having spread out before my eyes all her possessions +which she thought likely to tempt me, I received permission to make a +choice, on condition of swallowing a spoonful of calomel jalap. I +further displayed my gentleness by biting Dr. Irwin's fingers when he +attempted to look at my throat, and the good man evidently regarded me +as a pretty refractory patient. + +I always had a great horror of being sick--that is, a real, regular fit +of sickness, where you are perched up in bed, and have to do as other +people please, and have only just what covering they please--when you +are not suffered to put an arm out, or toss off a quilt that almost +smothers you, or drink a drop of cold water. Once in a while, I thought, +to be just sufficiently sick to sit in the easy chair and look over +mother's pretty things, or daub with her color-box, while people brought +me oranges and waited upon me, did very well. I was not a gentle, timid, +feminine sort of a child, as I have said before--one who would faint at +the prick of a pin, or weep showers of tears for a slight headache; I +was a complete little hoyden, full of life and spirits, to whom the idea +of being in bed in the day-time was extremely disagreeable--and when I +had been "awful," according to the nursery phraseology, the greatest +punishment that could be inflicted upon me was to send me thither to +enjoy the charms of solitude. I was a female edition of my brother +Fred; not quite so prone to tricks and mischief, perhaps--but almost as +wild and unmanageable. + +Now and then Fred would come down in the morning pale, sick, and +subdued-looking; his head tightly bound with a handkerchief, and his +whole countenance expressive of suffering. A sick headache was the only +thing that could tame him; and a smile of ineffable relief sat on the +faces of the others as they glanced at his woe-begone visage. He was as +secure for that day as though chained hand and foot. My quiet hours were +when some fascinating book engrossed my whole attention; I drank in each +word, and could neither see nor hear anything around. + +But here I was, really sick and quiet, ill in bed for a whole +month--day-time and all; and oh! the nauseous doses that somehow slipped +down my unwilling throat! Sometimes I would lie and watch the others +moving around and doing as they chose, and then, feeling galled by my +own sense of dependence and inefficiency, the warm blood would glow +quickly as before, and springing hastily up, I determined to throw off +this weary feeling of lassitude. But it was of no use; all I could do +was to sink back exhausted, and "bide my time." + +When the first stage of my illness was passed, poor mamma, completely +worn out, would often leave me to the care of Mammy or Jane; with +numerous directions to see that I took whatever had been left for me by +Doctor Irwin. I always liked to have Jane with me, for I _loved_ her; +and the medicine never seemed to taste so bad when she gave it to me. +She had various ways of smoothing this disagreeable duty; and one night +when I had been rather obstreperous, she cut a pill in two and took +half, by way of keeping me company; saying as she swallowed it that +"perhaps it might do her some good." When I became well enough to leave +my bed I sat in a nice easy-chair drawn close up to the window, from +whence I could see the early flowers that were now blooming in full +beauty in the garden below, while some amusing book rested on my lap. I +remember that they brought me the very first strawberries that ripened; +and the neighbors were so kind that many a well-relished delicacy was +sent in "for Mrs. Chesbury's sick child." + +I was just able to run about, but still looking very pale and thin, when +Aunt Henshaw arrived on a visit. "What!" exclaimed she, "can this be the +madcap, Amy? Why, you look like a ghost, child! What in the world have +you been doing to yourself--studying too hard?" + +The old lady possessed no great powers of penetration, and not being +sufficiently discerning to distinguish between the love of reading and +the love of study, she concluded, from seeing me often with a book in my +hand, that I was quite a studious character. Aunt Henshaw remained a +week or two; and though not exactly sick, I remained thin and drooping, +and seemed to get no stronger as the season advanced. The state of my +health was canvassed over and over again in the family circle; and one +day, when they were all gazing upon me with anxious solicitude, and +remarking upon my pale cheeks, Aunt Henshaw observed: "She needs a +change of air, poor child! She must go home with me." + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +I was quite surprised at the effect which this remark produced. Although +an only daughter, I had never been much caressed at home--I was always +so troublesome that they loved me best at a distance. If I happened to +get into the library with my father, I was sure to upset the inkstand, +or shake the table where he sat writing--or if admitted to my mother's +apartment, I made sad havoc with her work-basket, and was very apt to +clip up cut out articles with my little scissors--which said scissors I +regarded with the greatest affection; in the first place because they +were my own private property, and in the next place, they afforded me +the delightful pleasure of clipping--that great enjoyment of childhood; +but they did so much mischief that complaints against them were loud +and long, and I quite trembled at an oft-repeated threat of taking them +away. + +My mother evidently disapproved of Aunt Henshaw's proposal, and my +father drawing me towards him affectionately, said: "I am afraid we +could not part with our little madcap--we should miss her noise sadly." + +The idea of being missed, and actually made a subject of argument, was +something quite new to me; and glancing in surprise from one to the +other, I awaited the issue in silence, scarcely knowing whether I wished +to go or stay. But Aunt Henshaw carried her point. She represented so +many advantages to be gained by the change, where I could run about +quite wild, rolling among the fresh hay, and breathing the pure +air--insisting that it must bring a color into my pale cheeks--that my +parents at length yielded. + +Now began the delightful bustle of preparation. My mother turned over my +scanty wardrobe with perplexed looks; and an immediate cutting and +clipping took place, by which old gowns of hers were made into bran new +ones for me. Nor was this all--some were bought on purpose for me; and +I had two or three delightful jaunts to the city, to choose the patterns +for myself; and I wondered if anybody ever had so many, new things at +once as I was about to have. I became quite a wonder in the family--a +person whose movements were of the utmost importance; for I was going to +be away from them the whole summer, and it seemed an almost endless +separation. Mammy was not at all pleased at their sending her child away +from her; the old nurse even cried over me, and insisted upon it that I +had always been a paragon of excellence, and that she could not live +without me. My father gave me some money to buy her a present, the +selection of which was to be left entirely to my own taste; and the sum +I expended in a manner perfectly characteristic: I procured a large +bunch of gay beads for Mammy, and presented Jane with the wonderful +history of little Red Riding Hood. Both treasured them as carefully, and +apparently valued them as highly, as if they had been better selected; +and being quite confident that they would prefer them to anything else, +I was much surprised at the disapprobation expressed in the family +circle. + +I gave Henry a little pincushion, which I made on purpose for him, and +not knowing what to present Fred with, I allowed him to rip open my +second-best doll, which was still in quite a good state of preservation. +Fred had always possessed an inquiring mind, and an inclination to +inspect the contents of everything, in consequence of which my +possessions often suffered--and this employment now afforded him the +most intense satisfaction; while I, with a certain feeling of curiosity, +and yet scarcely able to repress an effort for the rescue of poor dolly, +stood watching the proceeding. Nothing appeared, however, but saw-dust; +although Fred had positively assured me that he had no doubt we would +find a diamond ring, or a piece of money, at least--as people often did +where they least expected it; and it was partly this consideration that +led me to consent to the dissection, for we had made an agreement to +divide the spoils. + +Fred's head was always filled with wonderful schemes of this nature, +and if he had not been so lazy and fond of mischief he would have made a +smart boy; for he was always reading books containing wonderful +researches into the productions of former centuries; and being +particularly interested in the study of minerals and different species +of rock, he often endeavored to explain to me the various forms of +strata which were found below the earth; but my comprehension could not +take it in. He was continually poring over fossil remains, and digging +in the garden for something curious. He one day ran in with his apron +full of stones and other rubbish, and holding up in triumph an object of +various hues, through which a slight blue shade was distinctly visible, +he called out eagerly: "See, mother! I have really found some fossil +remains at last!" + +Mamma took the admired treasure in her hand, as Fred desired; and as she +did so, a smile that had hovered about her mouth grew deeper and deeper; +and finally her amusement burst forth in a hearty laugh. Fred seized his +prize indignantly, and after washing it with the greatest care, found +himself in possession of the spout of an old crockery tea-pot. We heard +no more of fossil remains after that; though he still pursued his +researches privately--having, I believe transferred his expectations +from fossil remains to golden treasures. He was hardly more successful +in this line, as he never found anything to reward his toil except a +solitary five-pence, that he mistook for a gold piece, and which +required more rubbing and scouring to make it distinguishable than it +was worth. Having sacrificed my doll on the shrine of sisterly +affection, not to mention the dross of private interest, I concluded +that I had done as much for Fred as he had any right to expect; and +employed myself in arranging sugar-plums in various attractive forms, as +farewell presents to my younger brothers. + +The eventful morning arrived on which I was to take my departure. It was +my first absence from home for any length of time, and I had scarcely +been able to sleep at all during the night--my mind being occupied with +the one all-engrossing thought. I scarcely dared to listen at first, for +fear I should hear it rain; but the sun shone brightly in all the glory +of a clear June morning, and springing out of bed, I dressed myself as +expeditiously as possible, for fear that Aunt Henshaw might go off +without me. "What then was my surprise, when after breakfast I saw the +old lady sit down as usual, and after carefully wiping her spectacles, +take up a book she had been perusing, just as if the greatest event of +my life were not about to occur that very day? + +"Why, Aunt Henshaw!" said I in a tone of acute disappointment, "Are we +not going to-day?" + +"Certainly, my dear," was her reply, "But the stage coach will not be +here till two o'clock, and I have all my things ready." + +What could I possibly do with the six intervening hours? I too had all +my things ready; and my spirits were now in a state that absolutely +required excitement of some kind or other. I tried to read, but it was +impossible to fix my thoughts on the subject--even the Arabian Nights +failed to interest me; and after wondering for some time at Aunt +Henshaw, who could view the near prospect of a journey that would +occupy two or three days with the most perfect composure, I proceeded to +my mother's apartment. I had not been there long before I got up a cry, +and felt more doubtful than ever whether I wished to go. But mamma +talked with me for some time; and having clearly ascertained that it was +my parents' wish that I should go, in hopes of benefiting my health by +the change, I comforted myself with the idea of martyrdom on a small +scale. + +I put my doll to board with Ellen Tracy until my return, at a charge of +so many sugar-plums a week; with strict injunctions not to pull its arms +or legs out of order, or attempt to curl its hair. I could not eat a +mouthful of dinner, but Aunt Henshaw stowed away some cake for me in a +corner of her capacious bag; a proceeding which then rather amused me, +but for which I was afterwards exceedingly thankful. The time seemed +almost interminable; I threw out various hints on the value of +expedition, the misery of being behindhand, and the doubtful punctuality +of stage-coaches--but Aunt Henshaw remained immovable. + +"As to its coming before the appointed time," said she, "I never heard +of such a thing. It is much more likely to leave us altogether." + +Dreadful idea! Suppose it should! I stood flattening my nose against the +window-pane in hopes of spying the welcome vehicle; but it did not even +glimmer in the far distance. Full half an hour before the time, I was +equipped in the wrappers which my invalid state required, impatiently +awaiting the expected clatter of wheels. At length it rolled rapidly up +to the door; a shabby-looking vehicle, drawn by four horses--and a +perfect wilderness of heads and eyes looked forth from the windows, +while legs and arms dangled from the top. It was quite full; and several +voices called out, "They can't come in, driver! It's impossible!" + +What a blank fell upon my hopes at these cruel words! The people looked +so savage and unpitying, and I thought that after all we must stay at +home--there seemed no crevice of space into which we could force +ourselves; and in silent consternation I surveyed Aunt Henshaw's +substantial proportions. But she was an experienced traveller; and +making her adieus with a degree of composure and certainty that quite +reassured me, she took me by the hand and advanced to the stage as +smilingly as though they had all invited her to enter. The driver's +eagle eye spied out a seat for Aunt Henshaw--a kind-looking old +gentleman took me on his lap--the door was closed, and away we rattled. +Aunt Henshaw, never much given to silence, found a congenial companion +in the gentleman who had given me a seat; they were soon engaged in an +animated conversation on the pleasures of farming, during which I went +to sleep--nor was I aroused until about two hours after, when we found +ourselves landed at the wharf. We went on board the packet, and +proceeded to the cabin, where I was surprised, amused, and rather +frightened at the appearance of the narrow-looking boxes which we were +destined to sleep in. But Aunt Henshaw assured me that there was no +danger; and I found from experience that I could sleep almost as well +there as in my own bed at home. + +The wind was unfavorable, and we were almost a week on the water; but +at length we reached New London and proceeded to Waterford. Aunt +Henshaw's family, I knew, consisted only of a daughter--her sons having +married and settled away from her--and to the meeting with this cousin +Statia, I looked forward with some anxiety. It was almost dark when we +approached the house; a real farmhouse, with lilac and syringa bushes in +front, and a honeysuckle running over the piazza. A little dog came out +and barked at us--a sensible-looking cat rested on the porch--and in the +door-way stood Cousin Statia. She kissed me affectionately, and appeared +glad to see her mother; and we were all soon seated around the table, +where fresh cottage-cheese, crimson radishes, and warm tea-cakes looked +invitingly forth. + +I was rather disappointed in the appearance of Cousin Statia; I had +expected to see a fresh, smiling-looking country girl, but I found a +stiff, demure-looking young lady, at whose age I scarcely dared venture +a guess. A little colored girl waited on the table, who evidently +surveyed me with a great deal of interest; for I constantly caught the +sharp glances of her little black eyes. She had been christened +Aholibama--a name which she told me was taken out of some story-book, +though I afterwards found that it was in the Bible--but this being too +long an appellation, they had abbreviated it to Holly. During a hasty +glance into the cheerful kitchen, I caught a glimpse of a very +nice-looking colored woman, who, I afterwards found, was Sylvia, the +cook. + +Everything looked very pleasant around, though plain; but I was tired +and sleepy, and at an early hour Cousin Statia conducted me to a small, +neat room in the second story, with white curtains; and after +ascertaining that I could undress myself, she left me for a short time, +promising to come and take the candle. I felt the least bit homesick and +wished very much to see them all; but I was also very much interested in +the novelty of a new scene, and anticipated a great deal of pleasure in +examining the premises. Aunt Henshaw had told me that she believed there +were kittens somewhere around, and I determined to search till I found +them; for a little pet kitten appeared to me the sweetest of all +created things. + +In the meantime, I began to experience a very uncomfortable sensation +that quickly swallowed up all other thoughts. Cousin Statia had taken +the candle, but it was a bright, moonlight night, and the beautiful +moonbeams that came dancing in and formed a perfect network upon the +floor, made the room almost as light as day. It was not very warm +weather, but I felt the perspiration pouring down, while I trembled in +every limb. My eyes were fixed with a sort of fascination on the +opposite wall, where the shadow of a figure seemed to pass and repass; +and every time it arrived at a certain point, there was a sort of a kick +up, as though with the feet behind. I looked all around, as soon as I +dared to, but everything was still except the tormenting shadow. I +scarcely breathed, but kept watching the queer figure, till I was almost +ready to faint from cowardice. I tried to reason with myself--and called +to mind how my father had endeavored to banish this weakness; how one +night on being afraid to go into the cellar, he had himself gone with +me and examined every corner, to convince me that there was nothing to +fear; and under the impulse of these reflections I sprang out of bed, +determined to investigate the mystery. I went in every part of the room; +I examined the window, the curtains, but nothing was to be seen, while +the figure still continued its movements; and almost sick, I returned to +bed, to lie and watch the shadow. All sorts of queer stories rushed into +my head; I tried to forgot them and think of something else, but it was +impossible. The movement was slow, regular, and punctual. + +At last I could stand it no longer; I rushed to the window, determined +to stay there till the mystery was explained, for I felt convinced that +I should find it there. I directed my eyes piercingly to every part of +the curtains; and at length I perceived that the window had been let +down at the top. I closed it, arranged the curtains differently, and +then, in some trepidation, returned to my shadow. It had disappeared; +and I now understood that the formidable figure was merely a part of the +curtain, which, influenced by the night wind, swayed to and fro, +causing the shadow on the wall. + +I do not think I ever experienced a cowardly feeling afterwards; that +night perfectly satisfied me that superstition was the most unreasonable +torture that could be inflicted on oneself; and I was ever afterwards +celebrated for my bravery. Even my father praised my conduct, and said +that it was pretty well for a girl of ten years, under such +circumstances--at the same time representing to me how much more +reasonable such a course was, than screaming would have been, to rouse +the household for nothing. I went quietly to sleep, and dreamed neither +of goblins nor ghosts, but of a dear little spotted kitten with a blue +ribbon around its neck. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +I did not wake very early the next morning, and when I opened my eyes, I +perceived Cousin Statia standing by my bedside, who had been endeavoring +to waken me. Her manner was rather solemn as she announced that Aunt +Henshaw was waiting for me to commence the morning services. At this +information I felt very much mortified; and springing quickly out of +bed, I was soon dressed and in the breakfast room. Aunt Henshaw sat with +a large Bible open before her; and after kissing me kindly, she read a +chapter, and then offered a short prayer. + +After breakfast, Cousin Statia proceeded to wash up the cups and +saucers, which she always did for fear of their being broken; Aunt +Henshaw proceeded to the poultry yard, and I accompanied her. She had a +large tin pan in her hand, filled with moistened Indian meal, with which +she fed the chickens; of which there seemed an endless number, both old +and young. Then we went to the barn-yard, and she showed me a young +calf; but it was an awkward-looking thing, that scampered about without +sense or meaning. But I had not forgotten the kittens, and I asked Aunt +Henshaw where they were. She said that she would look; and going into +the barn, we peered around, in mangers and out-of-the-way places, +without the least success; and we concluded that the old cat must have +hid them up in the mow. + +"Perhaps Holly knows, though," said the old lady, on noticing my +disappointment, "very little escapes her eyes, and we can at least call +her and see." + +Holly was called, but with not much more success than our hunt after the +kittens, so we were obliged to proceed to the kitchen--a wing on the +same floor with the parlor and dining-room. Holly was now visible, +peeling apples, and evidently glad to be released from her task, she +professed herself perfectly acquainted with the whereabouts of the +kittens. + +"But can we get them?" asked Aunt Henshaw. + +"Oh yes, Missus," replied Holly, "if you'll only 'tice the old cat +somewhere and shut her up. She'd 'spect suthin' if she saw me, and +there'd be no gittin' rid of her; and if she once ketched us at the +bisness, she'd scratch our very eyes out--cats is always dreadful skeery +about their kittens." + +There was something in this speech which grated on my ear as painfully +ungrammatical; and I resolved, on the first opportunity, to instruct +Holly in the rudiments of grammar. She remained in the kitchen while +Aunt Henshaw, after calling "pussy" in an affectionate manner, shut the +cat up in the dining-room; and our guide then led the way to the +kittens. The garret stairs turned off in two directions; one led to +about four or five steps, beneath which was a hollow place extending +some distance back, where Holly had often seen the old cat go in and out +in a private manner. + +"Now," said she, "you stay here, and I'll jest git the rake and rake +the kittens out for Miss Amy, here." + +"But I am afraid you will hurt them," said Aunt Henshaw. + +"It ain't very likely," replied Holly confidently, "that they're a-going +to be so shaller as to git hurt. They'll squirm over the points of the +rake, and take care of themselves." + +The rake was brought; and five little sprawling kittens, with their eyes +scarcely open, were soon crawling at my feet. "Oh, you dear little +angels!" I exclaimed in ecstasy. + +"Rather black-looking angels," said Aunt Henshaw with a smile. + +I took them up, one after another, and was quite at a loss which to +admire most. There were three black ones, one grey, and one white one +spotted. I rather thought I preferred the white and grey, while Holly +claimed the three black ones. We took them all to the kitchen and placed +a saucer of milk before them, while Holly let out the cat, that she +might see how well we were treating them. She looked around in surprise +at first; but then deliberately taking them one by one, she carried +them all off in her mouth, and we saw nothing more of them for some +time. + +I spent the morning in wandering about; and in the afternoon I sat in +the parlor with Cousin Statia, who was knitting as fast as her needles +could fly. I asked her for a book; and after some search, she handed me +the "Pilgrim's Progress," in which I soon became deeply interested, +while Aunt Henshaw took a nap in her chair. Towards evening the old +white horse was harnessed up, and we took a drive; Aunt Henshaw being +determined, as she said, to put some color in my pale cheeks. They +evidently thought a great deal of this old horse, whom they called Joe; +but I mentally compared him with my father's carriage-horses--a +comparison not much to his advantage. Cousin Statia drove, but Joe did +not seem much disposed to go. Every now and then he came to a +stand-still, and I quite wanted to get out and push him along. But they +saw nothing uncommon in his behavior, and even congratulated themselves +upon his being so careful. Aunt Henshaw said that such dreadful +accidents had happened in consequence of horses running away with +people, and that Joe's great virtue consisted in his being so perfectly +gentle. + +We did not drive very far, and on our return found that Sylvia had tea +all ready and waiting for us. The old colored woman was quite tasty in +her ideas, and had garnished an immense dish of strawberries with +flowers and leaves, through which the red fruit gleamed most temptingly +forth. After tea, when Cousin Statia had taken up her knitting, and Aunt +Henshaw was seated in her usual chair, I placed a low stool beside her +for myself, and begged for one of her usual stories. She was a very +entertaining old lady, with a great deal of natural wit, and abundant +reminiscences of the times in which she had lived. Nothing delighted us +more than to hear her stories of the Revolution, in many of which she +figured as principal actor; and I now expected a rich treat. + +"Well, I do not know," replied Aunt Henshaw in answer to my question, "I +think I must have told you all." + +This remark, I knew from experience, was the prelude to something even +more interesting than usual, and I waited patiently for her to begin. + +"Did I ever tell you," she continued, "of the time that Statia went to +her Uncle Ben's at night, with no one except her two little brothers?" + +I had never heard the narrative, and eagerly settled myself in the +position of a listener. + +"Statia," said her mother, "you had better tell the story--perhaps you +remember it better than I do." + +"It was a raw November night," she began, "and though it did not exactly +storm, the wind moaned and raged through the trees, blowing the fallen +leaver about in gusts, and making a pleasant fire seem doubly cheerful. +The large hickory logs were roaring and blazing in our huge fireplace +and my father, my mother, my two brothers, and myself were gathered +around the fire. I was the eldest, but I was then only twelve years old; +and yet, I remember always to have felt a great deal of care and +responsibility towards the other children I never can forget the night, +for I then experienced my first lesson of self-forgetfulness; and +whenever I speak of it, it seems as of something just passed. As I was +saying, we all sat by the fire, and had just been talking of the +British, who were dreaded and feared by us children as a race of ogres. +The door opened suddenly, and John, one of the hired men, stood before +us, his countenance expressive of some disaster. My father and mother +both rose in apprehension, and demanded the cause of his seeming terror. + +"Why sir," he stammered, "perhaps it ain't after all, anything so very +bad--there may not be any real danger; though it ain't exactly what you +would have chosen. I have just come from the post-office, and they say +that a party of British have landed about four miles below, and will +probably come and take supper with you. I do not believe they will do +anything worse, but it is best to be ready." + +My mother turned very pale, but she did not faint; she was a true +daughter of America, and always tried to repress all outward signs of +weakness. "I can load the guns," said she, "and attend to the +supper--but what will become of the children? These soldiers may perhaps +be intoxicated, and might set fire to the house." + +"They must be sent away," replied my father; "How long will it be before +the British get here?" he continued. + +"About two hours I should think," was John's reply; "and this being the +first farmhouse they pass, they will probably stop here." + +"Statia," said my father, turning to me, "it is my wish that you take +your brothers and go as quickly as possible to your Uncle Ben's, where +you will be out of danger. I must send you _alone_, my child, for I can +spare no one to accompany you. But it is not a dark night, and you are +well acquainted with the road. I see no other alternative." + +"I trembled in every limb, but I had been brought up with the greatest +deference for my parents' wishes, and should not have dared to dispute +my father's command, even had he told me to do a much harder thing. The +children began to cry, for they were afraid of being murdered on the +road; but my mother succeeded in soothing them; and well bundled up, we +received a kiss and blessing from our parents, and started on our dreary +journey. Here was I quite alone, except my two little brothers, who +clung to me as we went along, and cried with terror, with three long +miles before me, and the wind blowing around us with such fury that we +could scarcely keep our feet. My younger brother now complained of the +cold; and resolved to protect them at whatever cost to myself, I took +off my cloak and wrapped it about him. I had only a shawl left; and +wrapping my arms in its thin folds, while the children grasped my skirt, +we proceeded slowly along. It was fortunate for us that the moon shone +brightly, for, even as it was, I was puzzled about the way. But at +length we reached the well-known house, and surprised enough were they +to see us; but when we told them the reason, my uncle immediately +started for my father's house, to render any assistance that might be +required. The night passed, however, without the expected invasion; the +British proceeded in another direction, and our cold, lonely walk might +have been dispensed with. But my father called me his brave little +girl, and said that in future he could always trust me--while my mother +pressed us silently to her bosom, and as she kissed us, I felt the warm +tears falling on my face. She too had had her trial on that fearful +night." + +I felt very thankful that my parents had never required such a +disagreeable proof of obedience; for, not possessing the firm principle +of right which characterized Cousin Statia, even as a child, I should +have been very much disposed to resist their authority. + +"Well," said Aunt Henshaw, "that is a story of which Statia may well be +proud, but her telling it has just put me in mind of something else. I +once had a large jar of sour milk standing before the fire, which I was +going to make into cottage-cheese, when one of the servants came +running, in breathless haste, with the news that three British soldiers +were approaching the house. Plunder was generally the object of such +stragglers, and there was quite a large sum of gold lying in a bureau +drawer, which I felt very unwilling to part with. My husband was from +home, so seizing the money, I quietly dropped it all in the jar of +milk. I had just finished this exploit when the soldiers entered; and +after eating in a manner that made the children fear they would next be +precipitated down their capacious throats, they began to look about for +plunder. I tried to be as composed as possible, and this, I think, kept +them a little in awe; for they were perfectly civil in words, and did no +damage, except to turn things topsy turvy. They found nothing to suit +them, till spying a very good coat of Mr. Henshaw's, one of them coolly +encased himself in it and they all walked off together." I watched them +from the window, and perceiving that they had left the gate open, I +called out after them: "Be kind enough to shut the gate, will you? I am +afraid the pigs will get in." They stopped a moment, smiled, and then +did as I requested. "Ah, Amy," said my aunt in conclusion, "the +necessity of the times was a school that taught women far more of the +realities of life than they learn now-a-days." + +Aunt Henshaw fell into a long revery; and a pair of eyes, which had been +glimmering near the door for some time, suddenly disappeared, and I +heard the retreating footsteps of Holly as she took her way to the +kitchen. The little colored girl always kept her eyes and ears open, and +never lost an opportunity to gain knowledge of any description. A great +deal which she had stealthily learned was communicated to me during my +stay; and I am sorry to say that I was more hurt than benefitted by the +companionship. Aunt Henshaw, though kind, did not appear to me in the +light of a playmate, and Cousin Statia seldom opened her lips--being too +industrious to waste time in talking; so that, for want of more suitable +company, I descended to the kitchen. + +The next morning, having obtained Aunt Henshaw's permission, I went out +to feed the chickens; and having drawn them near the wood-pile, I +confined my favors almost exclusively to a sober-looking hen and five +little chickens. When the pan was empty, I conceived that I had well +earned the right, and putting my hand down softly, I took up a cunning +little thing and hugged it in delight. But a terrible flapping of wings +sounded close to my ears--I could scarcely distinguish any thing--and +dropping the chicken, I fell across the chopping-log. The old hen rushed +furiously at me, and kept beating me with her wings; while I, afraid +that my eyes would be pecked out, could do nothing but scream. Some one, +at length, picked me up; and when I ventured to look around, I beheld +Sylvia, who stood beside me, laughing immoderately. Holly soon joined +the company, and even Cousin Statia seemed amused; while Aunt Henshaw +carefully examined my eyes to see that they had sustained no injury. + +"I ought to have told you not to touch the chickens," said the old lady; +"for the hen would even sacrifice her life to protect them." + +But experience is the best teacher, after all--the lessons thus gained, +though more disagreeable, are seldom forgotten; and I never again +meddled with the chickens. + +This seemed destined, though, to be a day of misfortunes, to which the +chicken business was but a slight commencement. The evening was most +lovely, and I accompanied Holly, who bad gone to feed the pigs. A fence +separated the pen from the rest of the yard; and on this fence it was +Holly's usual practice to perch herself and watch the motions of her +charges. She looked so comfortable that I determined to follow her +example; and having gained the eminence, I looked around in triumph. But +oh, how sad to tell! but a few moments elapsed ere I found myself +floundering in the mire beneath; while the pigs all rushed towards me as +though I had been thrown there for them to make a supper of. Holly was +quite convulsed with laughter; but my screams now became terrific; and +calling Sylvia, the two extricated me from my unpleasant predicament. + +I was truly a pitiable object, but my white dress was the greatest +sufferer: while the tears that rolled down my cheeks grew blacker and +blacker as they descended. I almost wished myself home again; but +Sylvia, between her paroxyms of laughter, told me "not to cry, and they +would soon make me look as good as new--any how, missus musn't see me in +such a pickle." They fell to scraping and scouring with the greatest +zeal, and then placed me before the kitchen fire to dry. + +"How the pigs did run!" said Holly; "'spect, Miss Amy, they mistook you +for a little broder!" + +At this sally Sylvia laughed louder than ever; but perceiving my +distress, she observed, in a kind tone: "Never mind, Miss Amy, we can't +help laughing, you know--and you'll laugh too, when you git out of this +here mess. But we do really feel sorry for you, for you look reel awful; +I only hope old missus won't come in and ketch you." + +But in a few moments the kind face of Aunt Henshaw looked into the scene +of distress which the kitchen had now become, and surprise at my +appearance rendered her almost speechless. But she soon recovered +herself; and under her direction I was immersed in a tub of water, while +my unfortunate clothes were consigned to the same fate. After this +ceremony I was advised to go to bed; and thither I accordingly repaired, +thinking how forlorn it was to fall into the pig-pen on such a beautiful +evening. + +The whole household seemed disposed to bear in mind that unfortunate +occurrence; when about to fall into mischief, Aunt Henshaw would say in +a peculiar tone: "Remember the pig-pen, Amy!" or, when troubling Sylvia, +it would be; "I guess you learned that in the pig-pen, Miss Amy;" and +even Holly took up the burden of the song, till I heartily wished that +she had taken the plunge instead of myself. Before long they all +discovered that I was very prone to such scrapes; I dropped a very nice +hat down the well, which, for fear of its spoiling the water, they spent +a great deal of time in fishing up--I fell from the mow, but fortunately +sustained no injury; and Sylvia one day caught me skimming off the +cream--an amusement which I considered very innocent, but she speedily +undeceived me. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +Two or three weeks passed on very pleasantly, and I began to think it +time to write a letter home. I had made but little progress in the art, +and letter-writing always appeared to me a great undertaking; but Aunt +Henshaw, having one afternoon provided me with pen, ink, and paper, and +elevated me nicely with the large Bible and my "Pilgrim's Progress," I +sat biting the end of my quill, and pondering over some form of +commencement. I had already written "dear mother" at the top; at length +I added after considerable reflection: + +"I am well, and hope that you are the same. It is very pleasant here. No +more at present from + +Your affectionate Daughter, + +AMY." + +Aunt Henshaw pronounced this "very well--what was of it;" and Cousin +Statia smiled, though I could not well why; but her smiles were so few +and far between that they always set me a wondering. The letter was +sealed, however, and enclosed in a larger one of Aunt Henshaw's, who +probably gave a more detailed account of matters and things than I had +given. + +In the meantime, I was fast regaining the blooming, hoyden appearance +most natural to me; and Aunt Henshaw continued to write glowing accounts +of my improvement. In due time my scrawl was answered by a most +affectionate letter from mamma, to which was added a postscript by my +father; and I began to rise wonderfully in my own estimation, in +consequence of having letters addressed entirely to myself. I even +undertook to correct Sylvia for speaking ungrammatically, which made her +very angry; and she took occasion to observe, that she had not lived so +long in the world to be taught grammar by young ladies who fell into +pig-pens. One great source of amusement at Henshaw's, was to watch +Sylvia making cheeses. Sometimes she allowed me to make small ones, +which I pressed with geranium leaves; but one day, being a little out of +humor, she refused to let me have the rennet unless I could find it.--I +searched through the kitchen and everywhere for it, and spent the whole +morning in looking, till I almost despaired of finding it; but at length +I pushed aside a tub, and there it was. This was one of Sylvia's +peculiarities. She was an excellent servant, and having been a long time +in the family, Aunt Henshaw allowed her to have pretty much her own way. +Sylvia was not wanting in sense, and often, when the old lady thought +she had obtained the better of the dispute, she was, in reality, +yielding to the sagacity of the colored woman. Holly was a sort of +satellite, and evidently quite in awe of her superior; but Sylvia +regarded her as the very quintescence of laziness, and always delighted +to set her at some interminable job. It was much more to Holly's taste +to look after the cows and pigs, and wander about the premises, than to +wash dishes and peel potatoes; but she dared not resist the cook's +authority. + +One Sunday morning I was left at home, in consequence of not being well, +with strict injunctions not to get into mischief; while Aunt Henshaw, +Cousin Statia, and Sylvia went to church--the superintendence of the +house being placed in Holly's charge. I settled myself by the parlor +window with my "Pilgrim's Progress" and pursued the thread of +Christian's adventures; while I glanced from time to time on the +prospect without, while the hum of the locusts and lowing of the cows +came borne upon my ear like pleasant sounds. I laid down my book to read +a chapter in the Bible, and was enjoying a very pleasant frame of mind +when the tempter came, in the shape of Holly, and beckoned me into the +kitchen. + +Nothing loath, I followed eagerly; and the colored girl proposed that we +should have a small baking. The fire had been carefully put out in the +kitchen, and we concluded to make one on bricks in the yard. After +puffing and blowing with considerable energy, Holly kindled a flame; +and we then concluded to mix up some gingerbread, and bake it in +clam-shells As I heard the monotonous hum of the bees, and remarked the +stillness around, while everything seemed to speak of the Sabbath, my +conscience reproached me; and I was several times on the point of +turning back into the parlor, but I lacked sufficient courage to resist +Holly's glowing descriptions of our gingerbread that was to be. The +store-room closet was pretty dark, and Holly was obliged to go by +guess-work in selecting her materials, but all seemed right; and in +triumph we placed several clam-shells of dough on the fire to bake. We +worked very hard to keep up the flames, but the baking progressed +slowly; and we dreaded to hear the sound of wheels that announced the +return of the church-goers. It was done at last, and we sat down to +enjoy the feast. I broke off a piece, and put it in my mouth, expecting +to find a delicious morsel, but it had a very queer taste; and I saw +that Holly was surveying it with an appearance of the greatest +curiosity. + +"What is the matter?" said I, "What have you done to it, Holly?" + +"Well, I guess I've put in lime instead of flour," she replied. + +It was but too true; and just then we heard the sound of wheels, and a +vigorous lifting of the great brass knocker. Holly hurriedly cleared +away all signs of our employment, and then opened the door; while I +returned to my books, convinced that the poorest time to make +gingerbread was on Sunday, and in the dark. But Aunt Henshaw discovered +our proceedings through Sylvia, who complained that some one had dropped +molasses in the lime; which she soon traced to Holly, and I was never +left home again on Sunday, alone. + +"Once," said Aunt Henshaw, when I had, as usual, solicited a story, +"there was a report that the British were about to sack New London. The +city was a scene of hurry and confusion. Carriages were driving hither +and thither, laden with silver plate and other valuables, which the +owners were glad to place in the hands of any respectable-looking +stranger they met, for safe-keeping. Several pieces were placed in our +carriage; among others a handsome silver tankard and half-a-dozen +goblets, which were never reclaimed. I have always kept them to this +day." + +She showed me these articles, which were extremely rich and massive, and +the old lady always kept them carefully locked in a capacious +side-board; never taking them out except to look at. + +"Aunt Henshaw, did you ever see a lord?" I inquired. + +"Plenty of them," was her reply, "lords were as thick as blackberries +during the Revolution." + +"How did they look?" said I. + +"Very much like other people--and often pretty distressed." + +I was then surprised at this information, but I have since learned +better; for I have seen the House of Lords in England, and they are, for +the most part, a common, uninteresting-looking assembly. + +"There was a Lord Spencer," continued my aunt, "a very wild young man, +who was constantly committing some prank or other--though always +strictly honorable in repairing any damages he occasioned. He once, for +mere sport, shot a fine colt, belonging to an old farmer, as he was +quietly grazing in the field. Even his companions remonstrated with him, +and endeavored to prevent the mischief; but he laid them a wager that he +should not only escape punishment, but that he would even make the old +farmer perfectly satisfied with his conduct. They accepted his bet, and +anxious to see how he would extricate himself, they accompanied him to +the residence of the old farmer. + +"That is a very fine colt of yours," began the young lord, "I should +like to purchase him." + +"He is not for sale," replied the farmer, shortly. + +"I suppose not," rejoined the visitor. "But what would you value him at +in case any accident happened to him through the carelessness of others? +What sum would pay you for it?" + +"A hundred dollars would cover his value," said the farmer, after some +consideration, "but has any thing happened to him, that you ask these +questions?" + +"Yes," replied the lord, "I have unfortunately shot him--and here is two +hundred dollars as an equivalent." + +Lord Spencer won his wager, for the farmer had made at least a hundred +dollars, and being extremely fond of money, he could not regret the loss +of his colt. "This is a specimen, Amy, of what lords are; so do not go to +forming any exalted notions of them, as of a superior race of beings. It +was very cruel in Lord Spencer to shoot the poor animal--but it was +honorable in him to make up the farmer's loss, for it doubled the amount +of wages he gained; yet to sum up the proceeding, it was wrong--for +besides killing an inoffensive animal, it did not belong to him." + +Aunt Henshaw seldom failed to point out the right and wrong in her +stories, for she feared that I would be carried away with whatever was +most dazzling, and thus form erroneous impressions. It is an excellent +maxim that "people should be just before they are generous;" and did all +bear this in mind while admiring actions that often dazzle with a false +glitter, they would assume a totally different appearance. + +Every few days there was an inundation of different cousins who lived +but a few miles distant; and then there was so much shaking of great +rough hands, as I was presented--so many comments on my appearance, and +comparison of each separate feature with each of my parents--that I grew +almost afraid to look up under the many eyes that were bent upon me to +detect resemblances to the Henshaws, Chesburys, or Farringtons--which +last was my mother's maiden name. I became quite tired of telling people +when I arrived, how long I intended to stay, and how many brothers and +sisters I had. They were all very kind, though, and invited me so +politely to come and see them that I quite wanted to go; and Aunt +Henshaw promised to return their visits very soon, and bring me with +her. + +So one fine day we set forth on a visit to Cousin Ben's--a son of the +identical Uncle Ben to whose house Cousin Statia walked with her two +little brothers, on that cold November night. She pointed out the road +as we passed, showed me the very place where she had wrapped her own +cloak around her brother, the spot where they stopped to rub their hands +warm, and a cross-road which they came very near taking. The house was +plain, but pleasantly situated; and as we drove up to the door, Cousin +Ben, his wife, and two or three children about my own age, came out to +meet us. There was very little reserve among these country cousins; and +before long, I was on as good terms with my play-mates as though I had +known them all my life. We raced out into the fields, and feasted on +sugar-pears, which were then just ripe; and I found, to my surprise, +that my female cousins were quite as expert at climbing trees as the +boys. I began to feel deficient in accomplishments; but I was not +sufficiently a hoyden to follow their example, and could only perform +the part of an admiring spectator. + +A very quiet-looking old horse was grazing near by, and my cousins +proposed that we should have a ride. I surveyed the great tall animal +with dismay, and was frightened at the idea of being perched on his +back; but the boys lifted me up, and five of us were soon mounted, ready +for a start. It was our intention to proceed in this triumphant manner +to the woods to gather berries; but our proposed conductor evidently +disapproved the projected excursion, for, with a sudden kick-up behind, +he sent us all five rolling on the grass. My white frock was the +sufferer as usual; and scarcely any evil that has befallen me since, +ever affected me more than would the dreaded spot that always appeared +in the most conspicuous place whenever I was dressed up. It was always +the herald of speedy disgrace, either in the shape of being sent +supperless to bed, or deprived of going out next day. Mammy was +particularly severe on such occasions; it was provoking to be sure, +after taking the pains to dress me nicely, to find all her work spoiled +within the next fifteen minutes; but I did think it was not my fault, +and wondered how it always happened. My new companions could not +understand my distress in consequence of this accident; and with +trembling steps I went in to Aunt Henshaw, expecting to be kept by her +side for the rest of the day, and never brought out again. + +What was my surprise when, after examining the spot, she said, in a tone +which sounded like music in my ears: "Well child, you couldn't help it, +and it is well you were not hurt. After all, white dresses are poor +things for children to play in, and this is only fit for the wash-tub +now. But this is not quite so bad as the pig-pen--eh, Amy?" + +The color mounted quickly into my face at these last words, and gladly +obeying her injunction to "go, play now," I bounded from the room; while +Aunt Henshaw, I suppose, enlightened the company as to the meaning of +her question, and my evident confusion. Oh, if people did but know the +effect of kind words, especially when harshness is expected! I never +enjoyed romping so much in all my life as on that afternoon; Aunt +Henshaw had pronounced my dress "fit only for the wash-tub," and I +thought that before it proceeded thither, it might just as well be a +little more soiled as not. So we rolled about on the grass, climbed over +fences, and rambled through the woods without fear or restraint. With a +light and happy heart I set out on the journey home, congratulating +myself that I was not then to encounter the eagle eyes of Mammy. + +Aunt Henshaw, though perfectly willing that I should enjoy myself at +play, did not approve of my spending my whole time in idleness; and +under her superintendence, I felt more disposed to work than I ever had +before. With her assistance I completed several articles of dress for a +sister of Sylvia's, who was very poor, and lived in a sort of hovel near +by; and the indefatigable Holly having again discovered the kittens in +some equally out-of-the-way place, I at last, with a great deal of +difficulty, succeeded in manufacturing a warm suit of clothes for the +winter wear of the prettiest one. Having equipped the kitten in its new +habiliments, I carried it to Aunt Henshaw, as quite a triumph of art; +but when I made my appearance, with the two little ears poking out of +the bonnet, and the tail quite visible through a hole in the skirt which +I had cut for it, Cousin Statia actually indulged in a hearty fit of +laughter, while Aunt Henshaw appeared even more amused. She told me +that nature had furnished it with a covering quite sufficient to protect +it from the cold; but I thought that it must then be a great deal too +warm in summer, and had just commenced fanning it, when she explained to +me that the fur was a great deal thinner in summer than in winter. This +satisfied me; and releasing the astonished kitten from its numerous +wrappers, I presented them to Holly, and gave up all idea of furnishing +it with a wardrobe. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +At Aunt Henshaw's, my passion for rummaging drawers and boxes of +knickknacks was abundantly gratified. The old lady fairly over-flowed +with the milk of human kindness, and allowed me to put her things in +disorder as often as I chose. There was an album quilt, among her +possessions, which I never grew tired of admiring. The pieces were all +of an octagon shape, arranged in little circles of different colors; and +in the centre of each circle was a piece of white muslin, on which was +written in tiny characters the name of the person who had made the +circle, and two lines of poetry. This album quilt was a good many years +old; and had been made by the ladies of the neighborhood, as a tribute +of respect to Aunt Henshaw, on account of her many acts of bravery and +presence of mind during the trying times of the Revolution. + +The old lady was never weary of describing the grand quilting, which +took place in an old stone barn on the premises; when they all came at +one o'clock, and sitting down to work, scarcely spoke a word until six, +when the quilt was triumphantly pronounced to be completed; and taking +it from the frame, they proceeded to arrange a large table, set out with +strawberries and cream, dough-nuts, chickens, cider, and almost every +incongruous eatable that could be mentioned. Washington was then +President, and after drinking his health in cider, coffee, and tea, +which last was then a very precious commodity, being served in cups +exactly the size of a doll's set, they all in turn related stories or +personal anecdotes of the great General, of whom Aunt Henshaw never +spoke without the greatest reverence and enthusiasm. He died when I was +very young, so that I never saw him; but I have visited his tomb, and +his residence at Mount Vernon, and have also seen portraits of him that +were pronounced to be life-like by those who were intimately acquainted +with him. + +Aunt Henshaw had actually entertained La Fayette at her house for a +whole night, and she showed me the very room he slept in; while Cousin +Statia produced an album in which he had written his name. I always +experienced a burning desire to possess some memento of the +distinguished men whose names are woven in the annals of our country; +and seating myself at the table with the album before me, I spent +several hours in trying to copy the illustrious autograph. But all my +efforts were vain; I could produce nothing like it, and was obliged to +return the book to its favored owner. + +I delighted to spell out the album quilt until I knew almost every line +by heart; while the curious medley which these different scraps of +poetry presented reminded me very much of a play, in which one person +repeats a line, to which another must find a rhyme. When Aunt Henshaw +died, which was just about the time that I was grown up, she left the +quilt to me in her will; because, as she said. I had always been so +fond of it. I still have it carefully packed away, and regard it as +quite a treasure. + +But very often, during a voyage of discoveries through rooms that were +seldom used, I passed various boxes, and awkward-looking little trunks, +and curious baskets, that struck me as being particularly interesting in +appearance. But Aunt Henshaw always said: "Those are Statia's--we must +not touch them," and passed quickly on, without in the least indulging +my excited curiosity. Whether Cousin Statia kept wild animals, or +mysterious treasures, or old clothes, in all these places, I was unable +to conclude; but I determined to find out if possible. Having one day +accompanied her upstairs, she proceeded to unlock a large trunk which I +had always regarded with longing eyes; and opening them very wide, that +I might take in as much as possible in a hasty survey, what was my +disappointment to see her take out a couple of linen pillow-cases, +nicely ruffled, while at least a dozen or two more remained, together +with a corresponding number of sheets, table-cloths, napkins, &c.! All +of home-made manufacture, and seeming to my youthful ideas enough to +last a life-time. What could Cousin Statia possibly do with all these +things? Or what had she put them there for? I knew that Aunt Henshaw +possessed inexhaustible stores, and I could not imagine why Cousin +Statia found it necessary to have her's separate. I pondered the matter +over for two or three days, and then concluded to apply to Holly for +information on the desired point. + +"Why, lor bless you!" said the colored girl in a mysterious manner, +"Didn't you know that Miss Statia has been crossed in love?" + +Holly announced this fact as a sufficiently explanatory one; but I could +not comprehend what connection there was between being crossed in love, +and a large trunk of bran new things. + +"Why, I quite pities your ignorance, Miss Amy! In old times," continued +my informant, as though dwelling on her own particular virtue in this +respect, "in old times people didn't used to be half so lazy as they am +now-a-days, and thought nothing at all of sewing their fingers to the +bone, or spinning their nails off, or knittin' forever; and when gals +growed up, and had any thoughts of gittin' married, they set to work and +made hull trunks full of things, and people used to call them spinsters. +Now Miss Statia has been fillin' trunks and baskets ever sense she could +do anything, so that she's got a pretty likely stock--but no one ever +came along this way but what was married already, and that's the meanin' +of bein' crossed in love. But don't for your life go to tellin' +nobody--they'd most chop my head off, if it should come out." + +I asked Holly how she had ascertained the fact; "Oh," she replied, +knowingly, "there ain't much that escapes me. I know pretty much every +article in this house, and hear whatever's goin' on. Key-holes is a +great convenience; and though it ain't very pleasant to be squatin' in +cold entries, and fallin' in the room sometimes, when people open the +door without no warnin', yet I'm often there when they think I'm safe in +the kitchin. Miss Statia once boxed my ears and sent me to bed, when she +happened to ketch me listinin'; but it didn't smart much, and people +can't 'spect to gather roses without thistles." + +Holly often interspersed her conversation with various quotations and +wise reflections; but the idea of listening at key-holes quite shocked +my sense of honor, and I endeavored to remonstrate with her upon the +practice. + +"It won't do for you to talk so, Miss Amy," was her sagacious reply; +"you mus'n't quarrel with the ship that carries you safe over. If I had +not listened at key-holes, you'd never have known what was in them +trunks." + +The truth of this remark was quite manifest; and concluding that I was +not exactly suited to the character of admonisher, I never renewed the +attempt. + +Aunt Henshaw had boxes of old letters which she estimated among her +greatest valuables; and sometimes, when the sun was shining brightly +without, and the soft air of summer waving the trees gently to and fro, +the old lady would invite me in a mysterious manner to her room, and +drawing forth an almost endless package, open letter after letter, and +read to me the correspondence of people whom I cared nothing about. I +tried very hard to suppress all signs of yawning, for I wanted to be out +at play; but I must have been ungrateful not to exercise a little +patience with one so kind and affectionate, and she, dear old soul! +evidently considered it the greatest treat she could offer me. I became +in this manner acquainted with the whole history of her courtship; and +charmed with so quiet a listener, she would read to me till I fairly +fell asleep. But her thoughts being entirely occupied with the past, and +her eyes in endeavoring to decipher the faded hand-writing, this +inattention passed unobserved; and she pursued her reading until called +off by her daily duties. + +Dear old lady! how often have I watched her when she was asleep, as with +the neat white frill of her cap partially shading her face, she sat in +the large chair with her hands folded together, and her spectacles lying +on the book in her lap. She looked so pure and calm that I sometimes +felt afraid that she might be dead, like old people I had heard of who +died quietly in their sleep; but I could not bear the idea, and a +feeling of inexpressible relief would come over me when I beheld the +lids slowly rise again from the mild eyes that were ever bent lovingly +upon me. + +She bad a box piled with rolls of manuscript containing poetry, which +she told me she had taken great pleasure in composing. "Saturday +nights," said she, "when everything was in order, and, the next day +being Sunday, I had no household cares to think of, I would amuse myself +in composing verses that were seldom shown to any one. Mr. Henshaw was a +most excellent man and a kind husband, but he had no taste for poetry, +and considered it a great waste of time. Another thing that helped to +set him against it was an unfortunate poem that I composed on the event +of a marriage that took place in the neighborhood. The gentleman had +courted the lady for a number of years without success; and after +praising his constancy, I dwelt on the beauteous Eliza's charms, and +said something about winning the goal at last. But they were very much +offended; they supposed that I was ridiculing them, and said that I had +represented them as doing a great many foolish things which they had +never thought of. There was no use in attempting to pacify them--I had +thrown away my poetry where it was not appreciated; and Mr. Henshaw +exclaimed in a tone of annoyance: 'Now do, I beg of you, never let me +see you again at the writing-desk! You have done as much mischief with +your pen as other women accomplish with their tongues.' So I never sent +poetry again to other people; but whenever I felt lonely, I sat down and +wrote, and it has really been a great comfort to me. One of these days, +Amy, I shall give this all to you." + +When I returned home, the poetry was carefully laid in the bottom of my +trunk; but I have my suspicions that for sometime after Jane kindled the +nursery fire with it. While looking over her things one day. Aunt +Henshaw showed me an old-fashioned pair of ear-rings, which I admired +very much. + +"I intended to give these to you, Amy," said she, "but I see that your +ears have not been pierced." + +"Why, I thought those holes always grew in people's ears!" said I, in +surprise. "Have I none in mine?" + +"No," she replied, "they are always made with a needle, or some sharp +instrument." + +"Does it hurt?" I inquired. + +"Not much," was her reply, and so the subject dropped, but I still +pursued it in thought. + +I fancied myself decked with the ear-rings, and the pleasure I should +experience in showing them to Mammy and Jane; but then on the other +hand, the idea of the needle was anything but agreeable, for I could not +bear the least pain. I wavered for sometime between the advantages and +disadvantages of the operation. This state of mind led me to notice +people's ears much more than I had formerly done; and perceiving that +Sylvia's were adorned with a pair of large gold hoops, I applied to her +for advice. + +"Why, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, in surprise, "you are real shaller, if +you don't have your ears bored after that! Why, I'd made a hole in my +nose in half a minit, if somebody'd only give me a gold ring to put +through it!" + +"Who bored _your_ ears, Sylvia?" said I at length. + +"Why, I did it myself, to be sure. Any body can do that--jest take a +needle and thread and draw it right through." + +I shuddered involuntarily; but just then Sylvia moved her head a little, +and the rings shook and glittered so fascinatingly that I resolved to +become a martyr to the cause of vanity. The colored woman having agreed +to perform the office, and Aunt Henshaw and Statia being out for the +afternoon, I seated myself on a chair with my back against the dresser; +while Sylvia mounted the few steps that led to her sleeping-room in +order to search for a needle, and Holly endeavored to keep up my courage +by representing the fascinating appearance I should present when +decorated with ear-rings. + +Sylvia soon came down, with needle, and thread, and cork; while I began +to tremble and turn pale on perceiving the instruments of torture. I had +quite forgotten how disagreeable needles felt in the flesh; and Sylvia's +first attempt was brought to a sudden end by a loud scream, which would +certainly have roused the neighbors had there been any near. + +"Now, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, "I had your ear almost bored then. But +if you're going to cut up such didos I shall leave off directly--it +ain't no such great fun for me." + +She was going up stairs with a very resolute air, and again the +ear-rings flashed and glittered; and having by this time lost the acute +sense of pain, I called her back and begged her to proceed. + +"Now mind," said she, "if you holler again, I'll jest stop at once." + +I glued my lips firmly together, while she again adjusted the cork and +needle; but I could hardly bear it, and trembled like an aspen leaf. One +ear was soon pierced, while I felt the needle in every part of my frame; +and Sylvia was proceeding to do the other, but I jumped up suddenly, +exclaiming: "Oh Sylvia! I cannot have the other one bored! It will kill +me!" + +"Well, I wouldn't if I was you, Miss Amy," said she, "cos you can hang +both rings in one ear, you know--and that'll look real beautiful, won't +it, Holly?" + +Holly burst into a loud fit of laughter, and through the effects of +ridicule, I submitted a second time to the infliction. But it was +impossible to endure the suffering any longer; the color gradually +faded from my face, and just as Sylvia concluded, she found that I had +fainted. The two were very much frightened, and after almost drowning me +with water, they lifted me up and carried me to my own bed. Aunt Henshaw +soon came home, and her horror at my situation was only equalled by her +astonishment. Sylvia did not tell her the cause of my sudden illness; +but she soon discovered it by a glance at my ears which were much +inflamed and swollen, having been pierced in a very bungling manner. +Sylvia received such a severe reprimand that she was almost angry enough +to leave on the spot; but she had only erred through ignorance, and I +succeeded at length in reconciling her mistress. + +"But, my dear Amy," said the kind old lady, as she sat down beside me, +"Why is it that you are always getting into some trouble if left to +yourself for ever so short a time? You cannot tell the pain it gives me. +Why, an account of your various scrapes since you have been here would +almost fill a book." + +What could I reply? It was a natural and most unfortunate propensity +which displayed itself everywhere; as well with Mammy in the precincts +of the nursery, as when roaming about at Aunt Henshaw's. + +"But the ear-rings?" said I. "You will give them to me now, will you +not? I should _so_ much like to have them!" + +"And so you shall have them, dear," replied Aunt Henshaw. "It would he +cruel to refuse them after your suffering so much for them. But I never +would have mentioned them had I had any idea of such an unfortunate +result." + +Supposing that it would please me, she got them out of the case and laid +them beside me. They were very pretty, to be sure, but oh! how much +suffering those ear-rings caused me! My poor ears were very sore for a +long time, and I would sit for hours leaning my head on a pillow, in +hopes of easing the pain. And yet, when they were at last well, and the +ear-rings really in, I almost forgot what I had suffered in the delight +I experienced at my supposed transformation. They were the admiration of +the kitchen; and even Aunt Henshaw and Cousin Statia allowed that +ear-rings were a great improvement; and I began to think that on my +return home they would even throw Ellen Tracy's curls into the shade. + +The summer was passing away--harvest had come and gone; and while the +others were engaged during this busy season, I was to be seen perched on +every load of hay, from which I had of course two or three tumbles, but +always on some pile beneath. The kittens had grown large and awkward, +and consequently lost my favor; while the cat no longer put herself to +the trouble of hiding them, so that I could now have them whenever I +chose--coming like most other privileges when no longer desired. The +evenings were getting chilly, so that a fire was very acceptable; and I +loved to sit by the bright flame before the candles were brought in, and +listen to Aunt Henshaw's stories. + +"Now," said I one evening when we had all comfortably arranged ourselves +to spend the twilight in doing nothing, "do tell me a very interesting +story, Aunt Henshaw--for you know that I am going home soon, and perhaps +it is the last that I shall hear." + +"Well," said she with a smile, "if it is to be so very interesting, I +must think very hard first." + +Cousin Statia had been looking towards the door, when she suddenly +inquired: "Did you ever tell her about the bullet hole?" + +"Why, no," replied the old lady, "I do not believe I ever did. Have you +noticed the round hole in the front door, Amy?" + +I replied in the negative; and taking me into the hall, she led the way +to the front door which opened in two parts, and in the upper half I +distinctly perceived a bullet hole which had been made by the British; +and it was the story attached to this very hole which she was about to +tell me. + +"Well, one night," said she, "a long while ago, I sat by the fire with +the baby in my arms, while the other children were playing around. The +two women servants were in the kitchen, and Mr. Henshaw had taken the +men several miles off, on some business relating to the farm. It was +just about this time, before the candles were lit; and one of the women +came in to tell me that five British soldiers were approaching the +house. + +"Fasten all the doors then," said I, "and let no one enter unless I +give you permission." + +The doors were well fastened up, and before long I heard them knocking +with the ends of their muskets. I let them knock for some time; but at +length I raised an upper window, and asked them what they wanted. + +"We want some supper," they replied, "and will probably stay all night." + +"It is not in my power to accommodate you." I replied, as coolly as +possible, "nor do I feel willing to admit any visitors in the absence of +my husband." + +"If you do not admit us soon we will break the door down!" they +exclaimed. + +"Of that I am not much afraid," said I; "it is too well secured." + +I withdrew from the window, and for half an hour they tried various +means of effecting an entrance, but it was impossible. I approached the +window again, and they called out: "If you do not have the door opened, +we shall certainly fire!" + +"Do so," I replied; "there is no one to injure by it except helpless +women and children." + +I did not suppose they would do it--I thought it was intended only for +a threat; and was therefore as much surprised as any of the others, when +a bullet came whizzing through the front door, and passing through a +pane of glass in an opposite window, fell into the yard. A dreadful +scream arose from the servants, and perhaps frightened for the effects, +or perceiving my husband and the men, they made a hasty retreat; and I +was just ready to sink from fright when Mr. Henshaw came in. He told me +never to stop up the bullet-hole, but to leave it to show what women +were made of in the Revolution. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +Cousin Statia had completed her winter's knitting, Aunt Henshaw began to +make pumpkin pies, and the period of my visit was rapidly drawing to a +close. The letters from home grew more and more solicitous for my +return, and at last the day was fixed. I felt anxious to see them all +again, and yet rather sorry to lay aside my present state of freedom. I +had quite escaped from leading-strings, and found it very pleasant to +follow the bent of my inclination as I had done at Aunt Henshaw's; but +absence had banished all memory of the thorns I had sometimes +encountered in my career at home, and I thought only of the roses--the +idea of change being also a great inducement. + +Holly and I had passed whole afternoons in gathering hazel-nuts which +grew near a fence not far from the house; and having filled a very +respectable-sized bag with them, I felt quite impatient at the idea of +returning home well-laden with supplies, like any prudent housekeeper. +Aunt Henshaw was to accompany me, and selecting some of her choicest +produce, and an immense bunch of herbs, as antidotes for all the aches +and ills which human flesh is heir to, on a bright, glowing September +morning, we set forward on my homeward journey. "Blessings brighten as +they leave us;" and although I had been considered the torment of the +whole household, all regretted my departure, and begged me to come soon +again. + +"Now, Miss Amy," said Sylvia, as I was taking a long private farewell in +the kitchen, "jest take a piece of advice from an old colored woman what +has lived longer in the world than you have, and roasted chickens and +fried sassages ever sense she can remember. Buckwheat cakes is very +good, but to keep your own counsel is a heap better--so when you go home +don't you go to telling about that ere pig-pen business, or the time +when the old hen flewed at you, or tumbling off the old horse. People +that don't say nothin' often gits credit for bein' quite sensible, and +p'raps you can deceive 'em too; for you'll be kind o' made a fuss with +when you fust get home, and if you don't let on about all these here +scrapes they'll think more of you." + +Sylvia's advice struck me as being very sensible, and I therefore +resolved to act upon it, and endeavor to make them consider me quite a +different character from the hoyden Amy. I kissed Cousin Statia, who +took up her sewing as calmly as though nothing of any importance was +about to occur; and having delighted Holly's eyes with a bright ribbon +in which all the colors of the rainbow seemed combined, I presented +Sylvia with a collar worked by myself, and passed out to the stage, +which was waiting for us. Our journey home was quite an uneventful one; +and the wind being more favorable, we were not so long on the passage. + +My parents were watching for us with anxious solicitude; but when the +door opened in bounded a wild, blooming hoyden, in whose sparkling eyes +and glowing cheeks they could detect no trace of the delicate invalid. +Henry and Fred, with a troop of younger brothers, stood ready to devour +me with kisses; but Mammy, rushing impulsively forward, pushed them all +aside, and cried and laughed over me alternately, while she almost +crushed me with the violence of her affection. Before I was well seated, +Fred spied out the bag of hazel-nuts; and a vigorous sound of cracking +informed me that the work of devastation had already commenced. + +How they all stared at my ear-rings! But mamma turned pale and burst +into tears; while I stood still, feeling very uncomfortable, and yet not +being exactly aware of the manner in which I had displeased her. Aunt +Henshaw, however, with a minute accuracy that struck me as being +painfully correct, related every circumstance connected with that +unfortunate business, from her finding me extended on the bed to the +time when the rings were placed in my ears. + +"Oh Amy! how could you!" exclaimed my mother; "I have always despised +the barbarous practice of making holes in the flesh for the sake of +ornament," she continued, "but to have them pierced by an ignorant +colored woman! Come here, child, and let me look at your ears. They are +completely spoiled!" she exclaimed, "the holes are one-sided, and close +to the very bone! What is to be done?" + +Aunt Henshaw suggested that it would be better to let those grow up, and +have others made in the right place; but I still retained a vivid +recollection of that scene of torture, and did not therefore feel +willing to have it repeated. But the ear-rings must come out--they were +no ornament all one-sided; so they were laid away in cotton, while I had +the pleasure of reflecting on the suffering I had endured for nothing. +Being thus brought down at the very commencement of my attempt to be +sensible, and finding it less trouble to resume my natural character, I +concluded to disregard Sylvia's well-meant advice. I was very poor at +keeping a secret; so one by one all the scrapes in which I had figured +came to light, to the great horror of the others, and the delight of +Fred, who was quite pleased to discover a congenial soul. + +Mammy at length seized upon me again, and carrying me almost by force +to the nursery, she locked the door and sat down beside me; determined, +as she said, to have me to herself for a while. Having requested an +account of all the adventures I had met with, she listened with the most +absorbed attention while I unfolded the various circumstances of my +visit. Mammy was sometimes amused, sometimes frightened, and often +shocked, but generally for the dignity of the family; for as I had been +its representative, she feared that it would suffer in the eyes of the +country people. + +Time passed on; Aunt Henshaw returned home, and things proceeded in +their usual way. My vanity was flattered by the increased attention +which I met with on all sides; my parents appeared to consider me much +less of a child since my return, and I was in consequence almost +emancipated from the nursery; while Mammy and Jane no longer chided me +for my misdemeanors--which, to say the truth, were much less frequent +than formerly. + +But I soon after experienced a great source of regret in the departure +of Ellen Tracy for boarding-school. Not being an only daughter like +myself, her parents could better spare her; but we were almost +inconsolable at parting, and having shed abundance of tears, presented +each other with keepsakes as mementos of our unchanging friendship. Hers +was a little china cup, which I have kept to this day, while I gave her +a ring made of my own hair; so that, for want of Ellen's company, I was +obliged to take up with her brother's; and the boys complained that I +kept Charles so much to myself it was impossible to make him join any of +their excursions. + +It was my twelfth birthday; and on the evening of that day I feared that +Mammy's oft-repeated threat of leaving us, at which we had so often +trembled in our younger days, was about to be verified. A married sister +was taken very ill, and Mammy was immediately sent for to take care of +her; and indeed we were afraid that she would be obliged to stay there +altogether, on account of her nephews and nieces. How dreary the nursery +seemed after her departure! In vain did the good-natured Jane exert +herself to tell her most amusing stories; they had lost their interest; +and yielding to her feelings, she became at length as dull as any of us. + +In about a week Mammy returned; but we could see that she was changed; +her sister had died and left five children but illy provided for. +Through the influence of my father, different situations were obtained +for the three eldest; while the old nurse, with the assistance of +occasional charity, supported the two younger ones. But Mammy had +suffered from sleepless nights, and rooms but illy warmed; and her own +health failed during her ceaseless watch by the bedside of her sister. +We did not know exactly what it was, but felt very sure that Mammy +seemed no longer like the same person. + +Children who are kept at a distance by their parents and elders, often +have very queer thoughts, whose existence no one imagines. I do not +think I was an ordinary child; and notwithstanding my hoyden nature had +a very thoughtful turn of mind. I well recollect, on being once sent +early to bed for some misdemeanor I bribed my brother Fred to accompany +me; and waking up during the night, the saying that "he who goes to bed +in anger has the devil for his bed-fellow" came across my mind, and +impressed me so strongly that I caught hold of Fred's foot to ascertain +whether it was so disagreeable a guest, or my own madcap brother who was +lying beside me. Even the kick I received in return was rather welcome +than otherwise, as it proved beyond a doubt that it was really the +veritable Fred. + +But what has this to do with Mammy? you ask. A great deal, I can assure +you; for I began to fear that it was not the old nurse who had returned +to us, but some strange being, who, having assumed her appearance, had +not been able altogether to imitate her manner. So I kept myself aloof, +and felt afraid to venture too close; but she grew thinner and paler, +and my mother relieved her from all care of the children. + +I slept in a small closet that opened into the nursery; and calling me +very softly one night, she said, "Miss Amy, will you bring me a pitcher +of water? I know they would not let me have it," she continued as I +attempted to remonstrate with her, "but I am determined not to die +choking." + +I was very much frightened, but I could not see her suffer with thirst; +and bringing her a large pitcher of water, she drank almost half of it +at once. "Now place it on a chair where I can reach it," said she, "and +go back to bed--I shall be better soon." + +I did as she requested, and, childlike, soon fell asleep again. The old +nurse too slept--but hers was the sleep that knows no waking. They came +in the next morning and found her dead. Her features were peaceful as +though she had died calmly, and beside her stood the pitcher empty. She +always said that if she should ever be ill, she _would_ have water--she +would drink till she died, and she had literally done so. We all felt +very sad, and Fred broke forth into loud screams, on being told of her +death. + +It was my first realization of death--the first corpse I had ever seen; +and as I knelt beside the coffin, where the pale hands that lay +cross-folded on the breast, the motionless features, and the dreadful +stillness of the whole figure, spoke eloquently of the change that had +taken place, I thought of my many acts of wilfulness, ingratitude, and +unkindness, which had often pained the loving heart that had now forever +ceased to beat. Could I but see those still features again animated with +life, I felt that never again would my tongue utter aught but words of +kindness; but it was now too late for amendment--there was nothing left +me but repentance. + +My parents too grieved at her death; she had been in the family so long +that they were loathe to miss the old familiar face from its post in the +nursery. She was buried from our own house; and there were more true +mourners at her funeral than often fall to the lot of the great and +gifted. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +"Papa, have you any relations?" I asked one evening rather suddenly, +after pondering over the subject and wondering why it was that our +family consisted of no one but papa, and mamma, and us children; while +other people always had aunts, or uncles, or cousins living with them. +We had plenty, to be sure, who came and made visits at different times; +but I meant some one to live with us altogether. + +"What a curious question!" said my father, smiling, "And how suddenly +you bolted out with it, Amy, after at least half an hour's silence. You +must have thought deeply on the subject, but what put it into your head +just now?" + +Not knowing exactly what to say, I wisely remained silent; and turning +to my mother, he continued in a low tone: "Do you know that this random +question of Amy's has awakened some not very welcome reminiscences, and +pointed out a line of duty which does not promise much pleasure beyond +the consciousness of doing right? I ought to invite an addition to the +family without delay." + +"Are you joking, or in earnest?" inquired my mother, "And if in earnest, +pray whom do you refer to?" + +"You will soon find it to be most solid, substantial earnest," rejoined +my father, "for I must this very evening write a letter to Mrs. +Chesbury, senior, the step-mother of whom you have heard me speak, +inviting her to spend the summer with us. She has, you know, resided at +the South since my father's death, occasionally visiting her relatives +at the North; and as we have never yet been honored with her company, +that pleasure is still in store for us. My recollections of her, to be +sure, are not so very delightful. She was very severe in her discipline, +and continually checked my pleasures and enjoyments, which she usually +exchanged for some long, heavy, incomprehensible task; and at the first +blunder in recitation, off came her shoe, which she immediately laid +across my shoulders with the most unremitting zeal. I recollect her +whipping me one day when it really appeared to me that I had not been in +the least to blame. I was quite a little fellow then, and drawing my +hand across my eyes, I sobbed forth: 'I wish one of us in this room was +dead, I do--I don't wish it was me--and I don't wish it was the +cat--' Whatever I had intended to add was suddenly cut short; and I began +to think that it was rather foolish of me to subject myself to two +whippings instead of one. I have quite escaped from leading-strings +now," added my father with an expressive look; but the old lady may be +of considerable assistance in keeping you young ones in order. + +The children looked frightened; and Fred, being now too old to dread any +whippings on his own account, kindly undertook the instruction of his +younger brothers in the art of being saucy and playing practical jokes. +We were told to call her "grandmother," and treat her with the greatest +respect; but as I dwelt upon my father's account of her, like the +magician in olden story, I almost trembled at the visitor I had invoked. +The letter was written and despatched; and after a while, an answering +one received, in which the step-mother accepted her son-in-law's +invitation, "for the sake," as she said, "of the many happy hours they +had formerly enjoyed together." I sat reading in a distant corner of the +room when this letter was received, almost concealed by the folds of the +curtains; and the other children being out of the room, I overheard my +father say: + +"I do not remember much else but being whipped, and sent supperless to +bed; if they _were_ happy hours, it must have been on the principle of +the frogs--'What is play to you is death to us.'" + +My mother smiled; but she replied softly: "Perhaps she is changed now, +Arthur; do not say anything against her before the children, for she is +a stranger, entitled to our hospitality--and I would not have her +welcome a chilling one." + +In process of time the old lady arrived, accompanied by a colored +servant who answered to the name of Venus. Fred christened her "the +black divinity," at which she became highly offended; and ever after, +there was a perpetual war of words waging between the two. My +grandmother was a small, dark-complexioned woman, with an exceedingly +haughty, and very repulsive expression. She received all her +daughter-in-law's endeavors to make her feel at home as a natural right; +and appeared to consider other people intended only for her sole use and +benefit. As I glanced from her to my mother's fair, soft beauty, and +strikingly sweet expression, I formed a comparison between the two not +much to my grandmother's advantage. + +We soon found that the old lady had a great idea of taking the reins +into her own hands; the children were scolded, and threatened, and +locked up in dark closets, until, to use their own expression, they +became, most "dreadfully good," and never dared to show off under the +espionage of those eagle eyes. During the summer, our parents were +absent for some weeks on a pleasure jaunt; and Grandmother Chesbury +having the entire control of us, we were obliged to behave very +differently from usual. She kept us all in awe except Fred; but on him +it was impossible to make the least impression. If she tyrannized over +the rest us, it was abundantly repaid by the teazings of my mischievous +brother. + +The old lady was extremely violent in temper, and after irritating it to +the highest pitch, or, as he termed it, "putting on the steam," he +provoked her still more by his polite sarcasms and tantalizing replies. +The object of contest between them was generally the last word in the +argument; and when victory appeared to incline neither to one side nor +the other, my grandmother would exclaim angrily: "Hold your tongue this +moment, you impertinent boy! Not another word." + +"Yes'm," Fred would reply, with every appearance of submission. + +Having triumphed up stairs, he generally went in search of Venus, whose +anger was almost as vehement as that of her mistress. Her time, when not +attending to Mrs. Chesbury, was chiefly occupied by the duties of the +toilet; and Jane asserted that she had anxiously inquired if there were +no respectable colored gentlemen about the place? Venus always bestowed +a great deal of pains on the arrangement of her head covering, which was +profusely decorated with combs of various shapes and sizes; but "thereby +hangs a tale" which must be told. + +Good beef is very scarce at the South, and Southerners therefore +consider it a great treat when they come North. My grandmother was very +fond of it frizzled; and Venus being quite _au fait_ in the manufacture +of this dish, the old lady never allowed any one else to make it for +her. One afternoon, during my parents' absence, the children being +disposed of in various ways--some had gone out for a walk, two were +playing together in a closet where they had been locked up, and others +were rambling about the grounds--the house was pretty clear; so my +grandmother resolved to enjoy a treat in her own apartment. A small +table was nicely laid out with all the requisites for a comfortable tea, +and Venus then departed to the kitchen to dish up some frizzled beef. + +But it so happened that the odor of the savory dish, in its passage up +stairs, found its way to the nostrils of Master Fred, who had been +quietly engaged in some wonderfully wise researches in the library; and +as even philosophers are not exempt from the earth-born love of good +things, out rushed our student with a polite request that Venus would +"allow him to taste the trash, and see if it was fit to be sent to Mrs. +Chesbury." A scuffle ensued, in which Fred succeeded in satisfying his +curiosity; and with considerably ruffled plumage, and not in the +sweetest state of mind, Venus proceeded up stairs. Fred slyly followed; +and peeping through the key-hole of a door that opened into my +grandmother's room, he determined to watch the progress of the feast. +Things looked very tempting, and he had half a mind to petition for a +seat at the table; but he began to think that, even should he succeed in +his request, a _seat_ would be all he could gain; for the old lady +attacked the eatables very much in the style of a school-boy just come +home for the holidays. The frizzled beef rapidly disappeared, till the +bottom of the dish was scarcely covered; but suddenly ceasing her +attacks upon it, my grandmother took the dish in her hand, and pointing +to some black substance, interrogated the colored girl in accents of +mingled doubt and horror. + +"Why Venus, come here! What--what--what _is_ this?" + +"Why, la, Missus!" exclaimed Venus, while every feature brightened with +joyful surprise, "If there ain't my little comb, what I lost in the +scuffle with Master Fred! Who would have thought to find it here!" + +"Who, indeed!" ejaculated the old lady, in a voice scarcely audible. + +My grandmother did not leave her room that evening, and we were told +that she was ill; while it is scarcely necessary to add that Fred never +again interfered with any of Venus' cookeries. When repeating the story, +he always dwelt upon the ridiculous tableau presented by the horrified +looks of the old lady, as she pointed to the suspicious-looking +article--and the delight and surprise of Venus at recovering her lost +property in such an unexpected manner. He possessed a great talent for +drawing; and before long, a caricature appeared, which was a most +life-like representation of the whole scene. My mother shook her head, +and my father delivered a short, but expressive lecture upon the +improper nature of mimicry; but in the midst of an edifying discourse +Fred suddenly displayed the drawing in full view--at which all the +children burst into peals of laughter, and my father abruptly closed his +sermon, and frowning sternly, walked into the library; but we could +perceive a nervous twitching about the corners of his mouth, which +looked very much at variance with the frown upon his brow. + +My mother too, fixed her eyes steadfastly upon her sewing, and refused +to look up; which Fred saucily told her was only because she knew she +would laugh if she did. We were then told that we had been naughty +children, and sent out of the room; but somehow, we did not feel as +though we had been _very_ bad, or that our parents were very angry with +us, and skipping along through the garden-walks, we next sent Jane +almost into convulsions of laughter by a display of the picture. Mamma, +however, burned it before long; she said that it was highly improper to +ridicule our grandmother, even if she _had_ faults, and that we must +bear with her kindly, and not forget how few pleasures she enjoyed. Dear +mamma! she was too kind--too good; and often met with the fate of +such--imposition. + +I once heard of a lady who went to a house to make a call, and stayed +eleven years; this was somewhat similar to my grandmother's case--she +came to pass the summer with us, and spent her life-time. Whenever she +spoke of going back to the South, my father urged her to stay, and gave +convincing reasons why she should prolong her visit; and my mother, too, +kindly reflecting that the old lady had no near relatives and seemed to +enjoy herself with us, added her entreaties. At last they told her that +there was no reason why she should not stay altogether; and she appeared +to think so too, for she stayed. As we grew more accustomed to her we +liked her better than at first; she told us long stories about the +South, and related anecdotes of the greatness, and wealth, and +distinguished position of her own family, which she considered superior +to any in the United States. Venus too came into more favor; and after a +while we almost forgot the beef story. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + +Time passed on; I had almost reached my fifteenth birthday, and began +to consider myself no longer a child. I was very tall for my age, and +quite showy-looking; and gentlemen who visited at the house now treated +me with all the attention due a young lady; which flattered my vanity +very much, and made me think them very agreeable. I remember my father's +once sending me from the room, on account of some gentleman's nonsense +which he considered me too young to listen to; but I felt very much hurt +at such treatment, and almost regarded myself as some heroine of romance +imprisoned by cruel parents. Novels were a great injury to me, as indeed +they are to every one. Their style was much more extravagant and +unnatural than at the present day; and even at this early age, I had +read the "Children of the Abbey," the "Mysteries of Udolpho," the +"Scottish Chiefs," "Thaddeus of Warsaw," and many others of the same +stamp. + +But how did I obtain these, you ask? My mother, with her sense and +discernment, would not have placed such books in my hands; and you are +right. My grandmother was an inveterate novel-reader, but very careful +that her books fell into no other hands; so that the only means of +satisfying my taste for romantic reading was by stealth. Although novels +were proscribed, no other books were placed in my hands; there were then +scarcely any children's books published, and consumed as I was by an +inordinate passion for reading, was determined to indulge it without +being very particular about the means. How often have I watched my +opportunity when my grandmother had left her apartment for an afternoon +visit or drive, and then drawn forth the cherished volume from beneath +the pillow and even from between the bed and sacking bottom! so +carefully were they concealed from view. Sometimes, indeed, she locked +the door of her room, and took the key with her; and then all ingress +was impossible. + +What wild, foolish dreams I indulged in!--What romantic-visions of the +future that were never realized! How well I remember my sensations on +reading the "Scottish Chiefs." Wallace appeared to me almost in the +light of a god--so noble, so touching were all his acts and words, that +I even envied Helen Mar the privilege of calling herself his wife, and +then dying to lay her head in the same grave with him. I resolved to +give up all the common-place of life, and cling unto the spiritual--to +purify myself from every earth-born wish and habit, and live but in the +hope of meeting with a second Wallace. I persevered in this resolution +for a whole week; and then meeting with some equally delightful hero of +an opposite nature, I changed from grave to gay. My mood during these +periods of fascination was as variable as the different heroines I +admired. Now I would imitate the pensiveness of Amanda, and go about +with streaming tresses, and a softly modulated tone of voice--then I +would read of some sprightly heroine who changed all by her vivacity +and piquant sayings, and immediately commence springing down three +stairs at a time, teazing all the children, and making some reply to +everything that was said, which sometimes passed for wit but oftener for +impudence--and then again some noble, self-sacrificing character would +excite my admiration, and oh! how I longed for some opportunity to +signalize myself! A bullet aimed at some loved one, whom I could protect +by rushing forward and receiving it myself; but I was not to be killed, +only sufficiently wounded to make me appear interesting--disabled in the +arm, perhaps, without much suffering, for bodily pain never formed a +prominent feature in my ideas of the romantic and striking--I was too +great a coward; or else a plunge into the waves to rescue some drowning +person from perishing, when I wished just to come near enough to death +to elevate me into a heroine for after life. + +I looked in the glass, and seeing large, dark eyes, a healthful bloom, +and rather pretty features, I concluded that I need not belong to the +plain and amiable order, and began to wish most enthusiastically for +some romantic admirer; some one who would expose himself to the danger +of a sore throat and influenza for the sake of serenading me--who would +be rather glad than otherwise to risk his life by jumping down a +precipice to bring me some descried wild flower, and who, when away from +me, would pass his time in writing extravagant poetry, of which I was to +be the bright divinity. Old as I am, I feel almost ashamed to repeat +this nonsense now; and had I then possessed more sense myself, or made +by mother the confidant of these flights of fancy, I need not now relate +my own silly experience to warn you from the effects of novel-reading. + +Charles Tracy did not at all realize my romantic ideas of a hero; and +one bright day the dissatisfaction which had been gradually gathering in +my mind expressed itself in words. I had gone down to a lake at the +bottom of the garden to indulge in high-flown meditations; and Charles +Tracy stood beside one of the boats which were always kept there. + +"Come, Amy," said he, as I drew near, "it is a beautiful day--let us +have a row across the lake." + +"No," said I, twining my arm around one of the young trees near, "I +prefer remaining here." + +"You had better come with me," rejoined Charles, "instead of keeping +company there with the snapping-turtles. Well," he added after a short +pause, "if you will not come with me, why I must go alone." + +"Go, then!" said I, bitterly, "you love your own pleasure a great deal +better than you do me!" + +"Why Amy!" he exclaimed, coming close to me as though doubtful of my +sanity, "how very strangely you talk! You know that I love you very +much," he continued, "for haven't we been together and quarrelled with +each other ever since I can remember? And do I not now bear the marks of +the time when you threw the cat in my face to end our childish dispute? +And the scar where you stuck the pen-knife in my arm? And don't you +remember how you used to pull my hair out by handfuls? How can I help +loving you when I call to mind all these tender recollections?" + +This reply provoked me very much; and I answered energetically: "You do +_not_ love me!--you do not know how to love I When did you ever make any +sacrifices for me?" I continued in an excited manner, "When did I ever +hear you singing beneath my window in a tone meant for no ear but mine? +When did you ever rush with me out of a burning house, or encounter any +danger for my sake? When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at +midnight when all others were asleep?" + +During the progress of this singular speech, Charles Tracy's countenance +had gradually changed from the surprised to the amused; and when I had +concluded he laughed--yes, he actually laughed! What a damper of +sentiment! + +"Laugh on," said I, in a dignified manner, as I turned my steps +homeward, "that has now put an end to all." + +He was but a boy--I, a _woman_, for should I not be fifteen to-morrow? +and I walked away from him in contempt; while he quietly jumped into the +boat and rowed across the lake, whistling a tune. But I had not +proceeded far before a loud "ha! ha!" from my brother Fred sounded close +at my side; he had been an unobserved listener to the whole +conversation, now enjoyed the pleasure of teasing me all the way home. + +"That's right, Amy!" said he, "Keep up your dignity, child. What a rich +scene! _'When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at midnight +when all others were asleep?'_ Rather a hopeless watch, I'm thinking, as +you sleep in the middle room between mother's and the nursery; and +between you and I, Amy, you know that you don't burn a taper, but a +brass lamp; but that, of course, isn't quite so poetical to tell of. +Such an air, too!--what a rare tragic actress you'd make! Do say it +over, won't you? I have almost forgotten the beginning." + +I gave Fred a boxed ear, which must have stung for sometime afterwards; +and running hastily into the house, locked myself up in my own room till +tea-time. The next day was my birthday; and while my table was strewn +with acceptable gifts from all the others, I perceived among them a +very antiquated-looking cap and pair of spectacles, to the latter of +which was attached a slip of paper, on which was written: "To improve +the impaired sight of my dear sister Amy, produced by her declining +years; also a cap to conceal the gray hairs of age, and 'Young's Night +Thoughts' for the edification of her mind." + +I was almost ready to cry from mortification; but I remembered that I +was now fifteen, and took the articles down stairs for the purpose of +exposing Master Fred, but what did I get for my pains? In justification +he told the story of yesterday, in his own peculiarly humorous way; and +when I saw myself thus reflected, the ridiculous tendency of my words +and manner struck me forcibly, and I was almost ready to laugh. But the +others did that abundantly for me, while wondering where I had picked up +such notions; and Grandmother Chesbury, I verily believe, suspected that +I had been at her novels, for after that I never could find one. + +But although I was thus debarred from receiving any new impressions, the +old ones still continued in full force; and at last came the long +desired opportunity to signalize myself. I was then almost sixteen, and +the treaty of peace with England had just been celebrated. I remember +well the illuminations and festivities on the first night of the +proclamation, which we spent in the city at a friend's house; the +balconies were wreathed with flowers, lights blazed from every window, +crowds of beautifully-dressed women filled the rooms, and the sounds of +music and dancing were heard in every street. It was my first evening in +company--my first experience of admiration; and completely carried away +by the music, the lights, and the occasion, the old desire for some +signalizing deed came thronging back in full force, till I grew almost +bewildered. No opportunity offered that night; I could only join in the +festivities, and listen to the feats and praises of others; but towards +the latter part of the evening my eye was attracted by the brilliant +uniform and handsome appearance of a young officer who passed through +the rooms, and lingered a moment in a distant corner among a knot of +friends who crowded eagerly about him. His commanding figure, beautiful +features, and intellectual, yet sweet, expression, completely realized +all my ideas of a novel-hero; I saw my father speaking to him, and +immediately made signs to introduce him, but before I could catch his +eye, the officer had disappeared. Papa told me that Major Arlington's +father had been an old friend of his, and he would have introduced him +to me, but business called him in another direction, and he could not +stay a moment longer, but promised us a visit at an early day. + +You need not smile, Miss Ella, and look so knowing at the mention of the +name; how do you know that there were not two Arlingtons in the world? +How do you know but that it was his brother I married? How do you +know--but never mind, I will go on with my story. It was several days +after that eventful evening, which still left a vivid impression upon my +mind; the desire to perform some wonderful deed remained in full force, +mingled with visions of the young officer, and I wandered about, without +paying much attention to my ordinary duties. Papa and mamma were both +from home, and Grandmother Chesbury had locked herself up with a new +novel; while I was roaming about the grounds not far from the front +entrance. + +A sound of wheels suddenly struck upon my ear; I supposed it was some +visitor and paid not much attention to it; but before long there was a +confused noise of voices--a sound of plunging and rearing--and a +distinct crashing of some heavy vehicle. My evil genius led me to the +spot; I beheld a handsome carriage, which the horses seemed striving to +dash in pieces--caught a glimpse of a glittering uniform inside--and +following a wild impulse, sprang forward and endeavored to seize the +bridle. I heard some one say, "Take care of the young lady!" and then +the officer jumped from the carriage, while I was thrown down close to +the horses' feet. A confused hum sounded in my ears--and then followed a +long blank. + + * * * * * + +When I awoke to consciousness I found myself lying on a sofa in a small +sitting-room; but no one was bending tenderly over me--not even a +mother's face met my eyes--but the gossip of two women servants grated +painfully on my ear. + +"What under the sun possessed Miss Amy to go and cut up such a caper as +that!" said one of them, "All the mischief she's done this day won't be +done away with for weeks to come." + +"No, indeed!" rejoined the other, "that young officer is a fixture here +for six weeks at least. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor are broken legs +healed in ten minutes--and such a beauty as he is, too! It's shameful to +think of!" + +"If she'd only let him alone, he'd done well enough--but she must go and +jump right under the horses' feet, so that, of course, he had to spring +out to prevent her being killed, and that broke his leg, while she +wasn't hurt a bit. Speaking of beauties, if Miss Amy could only have +seen herself then!--spotted with mud from head to foot, and her hair +flying in all directions!" + +On hearing that I was not hurt, I sprang from the sofa and rushed to the +glass, where I encountered the reflection of a most pitiable-looking +figure. Even my face was daubed with mud and dirt, and I looked like a +veritable fright. Shame, mortification, and sorrow for my heedless +conduct almost overwhelmed me. In the selfish desire to signalize +myself, I had hazarded the life of a fellow-being, and brought upon him +weeks of suffering which no act of mine could now alleviate. The tears +rolled down my cheeks; but having ascertained that my parents had not +yet returned, I cut short the gossip of the servants, and ordering them +to bring me some water, I arranged my disordered dress for a visit to +the sufferer's apartment. + +Doctor Irwin had been instantly sent for; and when I entered the room, +he was seated by his patient's bedside, while Major Arlington lay with +closed eyes and pallid features in a kind of sleep or stupor. + +"Miss Amy," whispered the doctor, "this is a sad business--and your +parents from home, too. What will be their feelings on their return?" + +I glanced at the motionless figure of the young officer, and too much +ashamed to reply, hung my head in silence. + +"Are you sure that you were not at all hurt, my dear child?" he +continued in a kind tone; "What a very wild proceeding it was to throw +yourself into the melée! If two men could not manage the horses, could +you suppose that your strength would be sufficient. You should have +reasoned with yourself before taking such a step, for you see the +unfortunate effects of it." + +_Reason!_ there was not the least particle of reason in my whole +composition; this was a wild, impulsive act, performed without the least +thought for the probable consequences, and I now stood gazing on the +wreck I had made, in silent bewilderment. My parents soon returned; and +hurrying to the apartment with countenances of astonishment and fear, +there realized a confirmation of the dreadful accounts they had been +assailed with. "And who was the author of all this mischief? _Amy_." My +eyes drooped under the stern, reproving glances I encountered, and I +crept about the house like a guilty thing--fervently wishing for the +bodily suffering I had brought upon the victim of my wild attempt, +instead of the pain of mind with which I was tormented. + +Days passed on, but the lapse of time was unheeded by me; my post was by +the bedside of the sufferer--my employment to anticipate his slightest +wish, and yield to every humor. As he grew better I read to him, sung to +him, talked to him; and in return received the grateful glances of those +expressive eyes, which followed me about whenever I moved from his side. +At length he could sit up in his apartment, and then walk slowly through +the grounds, with the assistance of a heavy cane on one side and my arm +on the other; till at last he was pronounced to be as well as other +people; or, as Dr. Irwin expressed it, "as good as new." Your eyes are +brightening up, Ella, in anticipation of a most sentimental love-tale; +but I shall not gratify your desire of laughing at your grandmother's +folly; but shall only say, that before he left, I had promised, with the +consent of my parents, to become Mrs. Arlington. I was married at +eighteen, and, strange to say, to one who appeared a realization of all +my girlish fancies; he was noble-minded, warm-hearted, and almost as +enthusiastic as myself--with a sweetness of temper which I have never +seen raffled, except by some act of injustice or cruelty. + +But do not flatter yourself, Ella, that life glided on with me like the +pages of a romance; I was obliged to lay aside a great many silly +theories which I had indulged in, and come to plain reality much oftener +than suited my inclination. A _perfect_ person is not to be found upon +earth; when disposed to murmur at not meeting with the sacrifices you +expect, ask yourself if you would be willing to make these sacrifices +for another--and then be not surprised that others are not more free +from the dross of self-consideration than you are. Also, do not suppose +that it was my hair-brained performance at our first meeting which +attracted my husband's affections; no, often has the color mounted to my +face at his reference to that scene, and his own impressions then. + +"You reminded me, Amy," he would say, laughing, "of some reckless sprite +from the kingdom of misrule, who had flown into the scene, determined to +make all the trouble she could. It was very chivalrous of you, to be +sure, and I ought to be very grateful--but I must own that I felt +exceedingly provoked at being obliged to risk my life by springing out +to rescue you from the horses' hoofs. But never mind, _chere amie_" he +would add as he saw the hot tears starting to my eyes, while face, neck, +and brow, were suffused with the hue of mortification, "there was an +after-page in the sick-room, when I beheld, with surprise, my crazy +heroine transformed into the demure, and gentle nurse, and learned to +distinguish a soft-toned voice, which always lingered in my ears like +pleasant music; so that after all, I am really indebted to you, Amy, for +making me break my leg--for, if you had not done so, I am afraid I never +should have discovered my jewel of a wife." + +So much for my romance; but the scene generally ended with the kiss of +reconciliation, and I, too, learned to smile at my act of girlish folly. + +"My tale is told; my parents have long slept beside each other, where the +long grass waves over them--my elder brothers are still living--my +brother Henry is a beloved and venerated clergyman in one of our large +cities--while the wild, hair-brained Fred became a talented lawyer in +the same place where he is universally respected. The rest of my +brothers are all dead; and we three only survive out of a family of +nine. Perhaps at some future time I may give you an account of my +residence in England; but I must now conclude my adventures for the +present." + +Here ended my grandmother's history, which had afforded us many evenings +of amusement. We were both surprised and pleased at her frankness in +speaking of her faults and mischievous acts; and could indeed hardly +comprehend that the very sensible, dignified lady before us had ever +been such an odd, harum-scarum sort of character--yet so it was, and she +had kindly related her own experience for our improvement. The last +chapter was intended more especially for my own particular edification; +but we all laughed heartily at my grandmother's ideas of signalizing +herself. That room is to us a charmed spot; and we look forward most +anxiously to the time when she is to begin an account of her life in +England. + + +THE END + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Grandmother's Recollections, by Ella Rodman + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS *** + +***** This file should be named 11427-8.txt or 11427-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/4/2/11427/ + +Produced by Internet Archive; University of Florida, Children, Amy +Petri and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Grandmother's Recollections + +Author: Ella Rodman + +Release Date: March 3, 2004 [EBook #11427] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS *** + + + + +Produced by Internet Archive; University of Florida, Children, Amy +Petri and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:50%;"><a href="Images/fly2.jpg"><img width = "100%" src="Images/fly2.jpg" alt="" /></a></div><br></br> + +<h1>A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS.</h1> + +<h2>BY ELLA RODMAN.</h2> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"></hr> + +<h3>1851.</h3> + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> + +<h4>A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS.</h4> + + +<center> +<!-- Autogenerated TOC. Modify or delete as required. --> + <a href="#CHAPTER_I"><b>CHAPTER I.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_II"><b>CHAPTER II.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_III"><b>CHAPTER III.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_IV"><b>CHAPTER IV.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_V"><b>CHAPTER V.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_VI"><b>CHAPTER VI.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_VII"><b>CHAPTER VII.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_VIII"><b>CHAPTER VIII.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_IX"><b>CHAPTER IX.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_X"><b>CHAPTER X.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_XI"><b>CHAPTER XI.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_XII"><b>CHAPTER XII.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_XIII"><b>CHAPTER XIII.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_XIV"><b>CHAPTER XIV.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_XV"><b>CHAPTER XV.</b></a><br></br> + <a href="#CHAPTER_XVI"><b>CHAPTER XVI.</b></a><br></br><br></br> +<!-- End Autogenerated TOC. --> +</center> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:50%;"><a href="Images/spine.jpg"><img width = "12%" +src="Images/spine.jpg" alt="" /></a></div> + +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page005" id="page005"></a>[pg 005]</span> +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_I"></a><h2>CHAPTER I.</h2> +<br></br> + +<p>The best bed-chamber, with its hangings of crimson moreen, was opened +and aired—a performance which always caused my eight little brothers +and sisters to place themselves in convenient positions for being +stumbled over, to the great annoyance of industrious damsels, who, armed +with broom and duster, endeavored to render their reign as arbitrary as +it was short. For some time past, the nursery-maids had invariably +silenced refractory children with "Fie, Miss Matilda! Your grandmother +will make you behave yourself—<i>she</i> won't allow such doings, I'll be +bound!" or "Aren't you ashamed of yourself, Master Clarence? What will +your grandmother say to that!" The nursery was in a state of uproar on +the day of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page006" id="page006"></a>[pg 006]</span> +my venerable relative's arrival; for the children almost +expected to see, in their grandmother, an ogress, both in features and +disposition.</p> + +<p>My mother was the eldest of two children, and my grandmother, from the +period of my infancy, had resided in England with her youngest daughter; +and we were now all employed in wondering what sort of a person our +relative might be. Mamma informed us that the old lady was extremely +dignified, and exacted respect and attention from all around; she also +hinted, at the same time, that it would be well for me to lay aside a +little of my self-sufficiency, and accommodate myself to the humors of +my grandmother. This to me!--to <i>me</i>, whose temper was so inflammable +that the least inadvertent touch was sufficient to set it in a blaze—it +was too much! So, like a well-disposed young lady, I very properly +resolved that <i>mine</i> should not be the arm to support the venerable Mrs. +Arlington in her daily walks; that should the children playfully +ornament the cushion of her easy-chair with pins, <i>I</i> would not turn +informant; and should a conspiracy be on foot to burn the old lady's +best wig, I +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page007" id="page007"></a>[pg 007]</span> +entertained serious thoughts of helping along myself.</p> + +<p>In the meantime, like all selfish persons, I considered what demeanor I +should assume, in order to impress my grandmother with a conviction of +my own consequence. Of course, dignified and unbending I <i>would</i> be; but +what if she chose to consider me a child, and treat me accordingly? The +idea was agonizing to my feelings; but then I proudly surveyed my five +feet two inches of height, and wondered how I could have thought of such +a thing! Still I had sense enough to know that such a supposition would +never have entered my head, had there not been sufficient grounds for +it; and, with no small trepidation, I prepared for my first appearance.</p> + +<p>It went off as first appearances generally do. I <i>was</i> to have been +seated in an attitude of great elegance, with my eyes fixed on the pages +of some wonderfully wise book, but my thoughts anywhere but in company +with my eyes; while, to give more dignity to a girlish figure, my hair +was to be turned up on the very top of my head with a huge shell comb, +borrowed for the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page008" id="page008"></a>[pg 008]</span> +occasion from mamma's drawer. Upon my grandmother's +entrance, I intended to rise and make her a very stiff courtesy, and +then deliver a series of womanish remarks. This, I say, <i>was</i> to have +been my first appearance—but alas! fate ordered otherwise. I was caught +by my dignified relative indulging in a game of romps upon the balcony +with two or three little sisters in pinafores and pantalettes—myself as +much a child as any of them. My grandmother came rather suddenly upon me +as, with my long hair floating in wild confusion, I stooped to pick up +my comb; and while in this ungraceful position, one of the little +urchins playfully climbed upon my back, while the others held me down. +My three little sisters had never appeared to such disadvantage in my +eyes, as they did at the present moment; in vain I tried to shake them +off—they only clung the closer, from fright, on being told of their +grandmother's arrival.</p> + +<p>At length, with crimsoned cheeks, and the hot tears starting to my eyes, +I rose and received, rather than returned the offered embrace, and found +myself in the capacious arms +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page009" id="page009"></a>[pg 009]</span> +of one whom I should have taken for an old +dowager duchess. On glancing at my grandmother's portly figure and +consequential air, I experienced the uncomfortable sensation of utter +insignificance—I encountered the gaze of those full, piercing eyes, and +felt that I was conquered. Still I resolved to make some struggles for +my dignity yet, and not submit until defeat was no longer doubtful. +People in talking of "unrequited affection," speak of "the knell of +departed hopes," but no knell could sound more dreadful to the ears of a +girl in her teens—trembling for her scarcely-fledged +young-lady-hood—than did the voice of my grandmother, (and it was by no +means low), as she remarked:</p> + +<p>"So this is Ella. Why, how the child has altered! I remember her only as +a little, screaming baby, that was forever holding its breath with +passion till it became black in the face. Many a thumping have I given +you, child, to make you come to, and sometimes I doubted if your face +ever would be straight again. Even now it can hardly be said to belong +to the meek and amiable order."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page010" id="page010"></a>[pg 010]</span> + +<p>Here my grandmother drew forth her gold spectacles from a +richly-ornamented case, and deliberately scanned my indignant features, +while she observed: "Not much of the Bredforth style—quite an +Arlington." I drew myself up with all the offended dignity of sixteen, +but it was of no use; my grandmother turned me round, in much the same +manner that the giant might have been supposed to handle Tom Thumb, and +surveyed me from top to toe.</p> + +<p>I was unable to discover the effect of her investigation, but I +immediately became convinced that my grandmother's opinion was one of +the greatest importance. She possessed that indescribable kind of manner +which places you under the conviction that you are continually doing, +saying, or thinking something wrong; and which makes you humbly obliged +to such a person for coinciding in any of your opinions. Instead of the +dignified part I had expected to play, I looked very like a naughty +child that has just been taken out of its corner. The impression left +upon my mind by my grandmother's appearance will never be effaced; her +whole <i>tout ensemble</i> was peculiarly striking, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page011" id="page011"></a>[pg 011]</span> +with full dark eyes, +high Roman nose, mouth of great beauty and firmness of expression, and +teeth whose splendor I have never seen equalled—although she was then +past her fiftieth year. Add to this a tall, well-proportioned figure, +and a certain air of authority, and my grandmother stands before you.</p> + +<p>As time somewhat diminished our awe, we gained the <i>entrée</i> of my +grandmother's apartment, and even ventured to express our curiosity +respecting the contents of various trunks, parcels, and curious-looking +boxes. To children, there is no greater pleasure than being permitted to +look over and arrange the articles contained in certain carefully-locked +up drawers, unopened boxes, and old-fashioned chests; stray jewels from +broken rings—two or three beads of a necklace—a sleeve or breadth of +somebody's wedding dress—locks of hair—gifts of schoolgirl +friendships—and all those little mementoes of the past, that lie +neglected and forgotten till a search after some mislaid article brings +them again to our view, and excites a burst of feeling that causes us to +look sadly back upon the long vista of departed years, with their +withered +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page012" id="page012"></a>[pg 012]</span> +hopes, never-realized expectations, and fresh, joyous tone, +seared by disappointment and worldly wisdom. The reward of patient toil +and deep-laid schemes yields not half the pleasure that did the little +Indian cabinet, (which always stood so provokingly locked, and just +within reach), when during a period of convalescence, we were permitted +to examine its recesses—when floods of sunlight danced upon the wall of +the darkened room towards the close of day, and every one seemed <i>so</i> +kind!</p> + +<p>My grandmother indulged our curiosity to the utmost; now a pair of +diamond ear-pendants would appear among the soft folds of perfumed +cotton, and flash and glow with all the brilliancy of former days—now a +rich brocaded petticoat called up phantoms of the past, when ladies wore +high-heeled shoes, and waists of no size at all—and gentlemen felt +magnificently attired in powdered curls and cues, and as many ruffles as +would fill a modern dressing gown. There were also fairy slippers, +curiously embroidered, with neatly covered heels; and anxious to adorn +myself with these relics of the olden time I attempted to draw one on. +But like the renowned +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page013" id="page013"></a>[pg 013]</span> +glass-slipper, it would fit none but the owner, +and I found myself in the same predicament as Cinderella's sisters. In +vain I tugged and pulled; the more I tried, the more it wouldn't go +on—and my grandmother remarked with a sigh, that "people's feet were +not as small as they were in old times." I panted with vexation; for I +had always been proud of my foot, and now put it forward that my +grandmother might see how small it was. But no well-timed compliment +soothed my irritated feelings; and more dissatisfied with myself than +ever, I pursued my investigations.</p> + +<p>My grandmother, as if talking to herself, murmured: "How little do we +know, when we set out in life, of the many disappointments before us! +How little can we deem that the heart which then is ours will change +with the fleeting sunshine! It is fearful to have the love of a +life-time thrown back as a worthless thing!"</p> + +<p>"Fearful!" I chimed in. "Death were preferable!"</p> + +<p>"You little goose!" exclaimed my grandmother, as she looked me full in +the face, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page014" id="page014"></a>[pg 014]</span> +"What can <i>you</i> possibly know about the matter?"</p> + +<p>I had nothing to do but bury my head down low in the trunk I was +exploring; it was my last attempt at sentiment. My grandmother took +occasion to give me some very good advice with respect to the behavior +of hardly-grown girls; she remarked that they should be careful not to +engross the conversation, and also, that quiet people were always more +interesting than loud talkers. I resolved to try my utmost to be quiet +and interesting, though at the same time it did occur to me as a little +strange that, being so great an admirer of the species, she was not +quiet and interesting herself. But being quiet was not my grandmother's +forte; and it is generally understood that people always admire what +they are not, or have not themselves.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page015" id="page015"></a>[pg 015]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_II"></a><h2>CHAPTER II.</h2> +<br></br> + +<p>The old lady also possessed rather strict ideas of the respect and +deference due to parents and elders; and poor mamma, whose authority did +not stand very high, felt considerable relief in consequence of our, +(or, as I am tempted to say, <i>the children's</i>) improved behavior. I +remember being rather startled myself one day, when one of the +before-mentioned little sisters commenced a system of teazing for some +forbidden article.</p> + +<p>"Mother, mother,—can't I have that set of cards? We want it in our +play-room—Phemie and me are going to build a house."</p> + +<p>"I do not like to give you permission," replied mamma, looking +considerably worried, "for George does not wish you to have them."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page016" id="page016"></a>[pg 016]</span> + +<p>"Oh, but George is out, mother—out for all day," rejoined the +precocious canvasser, "and will never know anything about it."</p> + +<p>"But perhaps he might come home before you had done with them, and +George is so terribly passionate, and hates to have his things touched, +that he will raise the whole house."</p> + +<p>"Poor boy!" observed my grandmother dryly, "What a misfortune to be so +passionate! A deep-seated, and, I fear, incurable one, Amy; for of +course you have used your utmost endeavors, both by precept and example, +to render him otherwise."</p> + +<p>I almost pitied my mother's feelings; for well did I remember the +cried-for toy placed within his hands, to stop the constant succession +of screams sent forth by a pair of lungs whose strength seemed +inexhaustible—the comfort and convenience of the whole family +disregarded, not because he was the <i>best</i>, but the <i>worst</i> child—and +often the destruction of some highly-prized trinket or gem of art, +because he was "<i>passionate</i>;" the result of which was, that my poor +brother George became one of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page017" id="page017"></a>[pg 017]</span> +the most selfish, exacting, intolerable +boys that ever lived.</p> + +<p>There was no reply, save a troubled look; and the little tormentor +continued in a fretful tone; "We'll put 'em all away before he gets in, +and never tell him a word of it—can't we have them, mother?"</p> + +<p>My mother glanced towards her mentor, but the look which she met +impelled her to pursue a course so different from her usual one, that I +listened in surprise: "No, Caroline, you can <i>not</i> have them—now leave +the room, and let me hear no more about it."</p> + +<p>"I want them," said the child in a sullen tone, while she turned to that +invariable resource of refactory children who happen to be near a door; +namely, turning the knob, and clicking the lock back and forth, and +swinging on it at intervals.</p> + +<p>This performance is extremely trying to a person of restless, nervous +temperament, and my grandmother, setting up her spectacles, exclaimed +commandingly: "Caroline, how dare you stand pouting there? Did you not +hear +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page018" id="page018"></a>[pg 018]</span> +your mother, naughty girl? Leave the room—this instant?"</p> + +<p>The child stood a moment almost transfixed with surprise; but as she saw +my grandmother preparing to advance upon her—her ample skirts and +portly person somewhat resembling a ship under full sail—she made +rather an abrupt retreat; discomposing the nerves of a small +nursery-maid, whom she encountered in the passage, to such a degree +that, as the girl expressed it, "she was took all of a sudden."</p> + +<p>I had given a quick, convulsive start as the first tones fell upon my +ear, and now sat bending over my sewing like a chidden child, almost +afraid to look up. I was one of those unlucky mortals who bear the blame +of everything wrong they witness; and having, in tender infancy, been +suddenly seized upon in Sunday school by the superintendent, and placed +in a conspicuous situation of disgrace for looking at a companion who +was performing some strange antic, but who possessed one of those +india-rubber faces that, after twisting themselves into all possible, or +rather impossible shapes, immediately become straight the moment any +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page019" id="page019"></a>[pg 019]</span> +one observes them—having, I say, met with this mortifying exposure, it +gave me a shock which I have not to this day recovered; and I cannot now +see any one start up hastily in pursuit of another without fancying +myself the culprit, and trembling accordingly. This sudden movement, +therefore, of my grandmother's threw me into an alarming state of +terror, and, quite still and subdued, I sat industriously stitching, all +the morning after.</p> + +<p>"Dear me!" said my mother with a sigh, "how much better you make them +mind than I can."</p> + +<p>"I see, Amy," said my grandmother kindly, "that your influence is very +weak—the care of of so large a family has prevented you from attending +to each one properly. You perceive the effect of a little well-timed +authority, and I do not despair of you yet. You are naturally," she +continued, "amiable and indolent, and though gentleness is certainly +agreeable and interesting, yet a constant succession of sweets cannot +fail to cloy, and engender a taste for something sharper and more +wholesome."</p> + +<p>Delicacy prevented me from remaining to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page020" id="page020"></a>[pg 020]</span> +hear my mother advised and +lectured, and the rest of my grandmother's discourse was therefore lost +to me; but whatever it was, I soon perceived its beneficial results—the +children were no longer permitted to roam indiscriminately through all +parts of the house—certain rooms were proof againt their +invasions—they became less troublesome and exacting, and far more +companionable. The worried look gradually cleared from my mother's brow, +and as my grandmother was extremely fond of sight-seeing, visiting, +tea-drinkings, and everything in the shape of company, she persevered in +dragging her daughter out day after day, until she made her enjoy it +almost as much as herself. Old acquaintances were hunted up and brought +to light, and new ones made through the exertions of my grandmother, +who, in consequence of such a sociable disposition, soon became very +popular. The young ones were banished to the nursery; and, as they were +no longer allowed to spend their days in eating, there was far less +sickness among them, and our family doctor's bill decreased amazingly.</p> + +<p>Our grandmother, having spent many years +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page021" id="page021"></a>[pg 021]</span> +in the "mother-country," was +extremely English in her feelings and opinions, and highly advocated the +frugal diet on which the children of the higher classes are always kept. +Lord and Lady Grantham, the son-in-law and daughter at whose residence +she passed the time of her sojourn in England, were infallible models of +excellence and prudence; and the children were again and again informed +that their little English cousins were never allowed meat until the age +of seven, and considered it a great treat to get beef broth twice a +week. Butter was also a prohibited article of luxury—their usual +breakfast consisting of mashed potatoes, or bread and milk; and my +grandmother used to relate how one morning a little curly-headed thing +approached her with an air of great mystery, and whispered: "What <i>do</i> +you think we had for breakfast?" "Something very good, I suspect—what +can it be?" "Guess." "O, I cannot; you must tell me." "<i>Buttered +bread</i>!" Our laughter increased as she gave an amusing account of the +blue eyes stretched to their utmost extent, as these wonderful words +were pronounced hesitatingly, as though doubtful +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page022" id="page022"></a>[pg 022]</span> +of the effect; and in +consequence of various anecdotes of the same nature, the children's +impressions of England were by no means agreeable. Our little cousins +must certainly have been the most wonderful children ever heard of, for +by my grandmother's account, they could dance, sing, and speak French +almost as soon as they could walk. She also informed us, as a positive +fact, that on saying: "<i>Baisez, Cora—baisez la dame</i>," the very baby in +arms put up its rosebud lips to kiss the stranger mentioned. It would +have been stranger still for the younger children to speak English, as +they were always in the company of French nurses.</p> + +<p>Although my grandmother could so easily assume a stern and commanding +air, it was by no means habitual to her; and the children, though they +feared and never dared to dispute her authority, soon loved her with all +the pure, unselfish love of childhood, which cannot be bought. "Things +were not so and so when I was young," was a favorite remark of hers; and +as I one day remarked that "those must have been wonderful times when +old people +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page023" id="page023"></a>[pg 023]</span> +were young," she smiled and said that "though not wonderful, +they were times when parents and teachers were much more strict with +children than they are now." I immediately experienced a strong desire +to be made acquainted with the circumstances of my grandmother's +childhood, and began hinting to that effect.</p> + +<p>"Were they very strict with you, grandmother?" asked we mischievously.</p> + +<p>She looked rather disconcerted for a moment, and then replied with a +smile: "Not very—I saw very little of my parents, being mostly left to +nurses and servants; but you all seem eager for information on that +point, and although there is absolutely nothing worth relating, you may +all come to my room this evening, and we will begin on the subject of my +younger days."</p> + +<p>We swallowed tea rather hastily, and danced off in high glee to my +grandmother's apartment, ready for the unfolding of unheard-of +occurrences and mysteries.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page024" id="page024"></a>[pg 024]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_III"></a><h2>CHAPTER III.</h2> + +<p>We were all happily seated around the fire; the grate was piled up high +with coal, and threw a bright reflection upon the polished +marble—everything was ready to begin, when a most unfortunate question +of my sister Emma's interfered with our progress. She had settled +herself on a low stool at my grandmother's feet, and while we all sat in +silent expectation of the "once upon a time," or "when I was young," +which is generally the prelude to similar narratives, Emma suddenly +started up, and fixing an incredulous gaze upon our dignified relative, +exclaimed: "But were you <i>ever</i> young, grandmother? I mean," she +continued, a little frightened at her own temerity, "were you ever as +little as I am now?"</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page025" id="page025"></a>[pg 025]</span> + +<p>Some of us began to cough, others used their pocket-handkerchiefs, and +one and all waited in some anxiety for the effect. Emma, poor child! +seemed almost ready to sink through the floor under the many astonished +and reproving glances which she encountered; and my grandmother's +countenance at first betokened a gathering storm.</p> + +<p>But in a few moments this cleared up; and ashamed of her momentary anger +at this childish question, she placed her hand kindly on Emma's head as +she replied: "Yes, Emma, quite as little as you are—and it is of those +very times that I am going to tell you. I shall not begin at the +beginning, but speak of whatever happens to enter my mind, and a +complete history of my childhood will probably furnish employment for a +great many evenings. But I am very much averse to interruptions, and if +you have any particular questions to ask, all inquiries must be made +before I commence."</p> + +<p>"Were you born and did you live in America?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Yes," replied my grandmother, "I was born and lived in America, in the +State of New +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page026" id="page026"></a>[pg 026]</span> +York. So much for the locality—now, what next?"</p> + +<p>"Did you ever see Washington?" inquired Bob, "And were you ever taken +prisoner and had your house burned by the British?"</p> + +<p>Bob was a great patriot, and on Saturdays practised shooting in the +attic with a bow and arrow, to perfect himself against the time of his +attaining to man's estate, when he fully intended to collect an army and +make an invasion on England. As an earnest of his hostile intentions, he +had already broken all the windows on that floor, and nearly +extinguished the eye of Betty, the chambermaid. To both of these +questions my grandmother replied in the negative, for she happened to +come into the world just after the Revolution; but in answer to Bob's +look of disappointment, she promised to tell him something about it in +the course of her narrative.</p> + +<p>"My two most prominent faults," said she, "were vanity and curiosity, +and these both led me into a great many scrapes, which I shall endeavor +to relate for your edification. I shall represent them just as they +really were, and if +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page027" id="page027"></a>[pg 027]</span> +I do not make especial comments on each separate +piece of misconduct, it is because I leave you to judge for yourselves, +by placing them in their true light. I shall not tell you the year I was +born in," she continued, "for then there would be a counting on certain +little fingers to see how old grandmamma is now. When I was a child—a +<i>very</i> young one—I used to say that I remembered very well the day on +which I was born, for mother was down stairs frying dough-nuts. This +nondescript kind of cake was then much more fashionable for the +tea-table than it is at the present day. My mother was quite famous for +her skill in manufacturing them, and my great delight was to superintend +her operations, and be rewarded for good behavior with a limited +quantity of dough, which I manufactured into certain uncouth images, +called 'dough-nut babies.' Sometimes these beloved creations of genius +performed rather curious gymnastics on being placed in the boiling +grease—such as twisting on one side, throwing a limb entirely over +their heads, etc.; while not unfrequently a leg or an arm was found +missing when boiled to the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page028" id="page028"></a>[pg 028]</span> +requisite degree of hardness. But sometimes, +oh, sad to relate! my fingers committed such unheard-of depredations in +the large bowl or tray appropriated by my mother, that I was sentenced +to be tied in a high chair drawn close to her side, whence I could +quietly watch her proceedings without being able to assist her.</p> + +<p>I know that our home was situated in a pleasant village which has long +since disappeared in the flourishing city; the house was of white brick, +three stories high, with rooms on each side of the front entrance. A +large and beautiful flower-garden was visible from the back windows; and +beyond this was a still larger fruit-garden, the gate of which was +generally locked, while a formidable row of nails with the points up, +repelled all attempts at climbing over the fence. The peaches, and +plums, apricots, nectarines, grapes, cherries, and apples were such as I +have seldom, if ever, seen since. My lather was wealthy, and my earliest +recollections are connected with large, handsomely-furnished rooms, +numerous servants, massive plate, and a constant succession of +dinner-parties +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page029" id="page029"></a>[pg 029]</span> +and visitors. How often have I watched the servants as +they filled the decanters, rubbed the silver, and made other +preparations for company, while I drew comparisons between the lot of +the favored beings for whom these preparations were made, and my own, on +being condemned to the unvarying routine of the nursery. Childhood then +appeared to me a kind of penance which we were doomed to undergo—a sort +of imprisonment or chrysalis, which, like the butterfly, left us in a +fairy-like and beautiful existence. Little did I then dream of the +cares, and toils, and troubles from which that happy season is exempt. +My father realized in his own person, to the fullest extent, all the +traditionary legends of old English hospitality; he hated everything +like parsimony—delighted to see his table surrounded with visitors—and +in this was indulged to the extent of his wishes; for day after day +seemed to pass in our being put out of sight, where we could witness the +preparations going on for other people's entertainment.</p> + +<p>The presiding goddess in our region of the house was a faithful and +attached old nurse, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page030" id="page030"></a>[pg 030]</span> +whom we all called 'Mammy.' Although sometimes a +little sharp, as was necessary to keep such wild spirits in order, the +old nurse was invariably kind, and even indulgent. It was well indeed +for us that she was so, for we were left almost entirely to her +direction, and saw very little of any one else. Mammy's everyday attire +consisted of a calico short-gown, with large figures, and a stuff +petticoat, with a cap whose huge ruffles stood up in all directions; +made after a pattern which I have never since beheld, and in which the +crown formed the principal feature. But this economical dress was not +for want of means; for Mammy's wardrobe boasted several silk gowns, and +visitors seldom stayed at the house without making her a present. On +great occasions, she approached our beau-ideal of an empress, by +appearing in a black silk dress lace collar, and gold repeater at her +side. This particular dress Mammy valued more highly than any of the +others, for my father had brought it to her, as a present, from Italy, +and the pleasant consciousness of being recollected in this manner +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page031" id="page031"></a>[pg 031]</span> +by her master was highly gratifying to the old nurse.</p> + +<p>I was an only daughter, with several wild brothers, and I often thought +that Mammy displayed most unjust partiality. For instance, there was +Fred who never did anything right—upset his breakfast, dinner, and +tea—several times set the clothes-horse, containing the nursery +wardrobe, in a blaze—was forever getting lost, and, when sought for, +often found dangling from a three-story window, hanging on by two +fingers, and even one—who would scarcely have weighed a person's life +in the scale with a successful joke—and always had a finger, foot, or +eye bound up as the result of his hair-brained adventures. I really +believe that Mammy bestowed all a mother's affection on this wild, +reckless boy; he seldom missed an opportunity of being impertinent, and +yet Mammy invariably said that 'Fred had a saucy tongue, but a good +heart.' This <i>good-heartedness</i> probably consisted in drowning kittens, +worrying dogs, and throwing stones at every bird he saw. Fred always had +the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page032" id="page032"></a>[pg 032]</span> +warmest seat, the most thickly-buttered bread and the largest piece +of pie. I remember one day on watching Mammy cut the pie, I observed, as +usual, that she reserved the largest piece.</p> + +<p>"Who is that for?" I enquired, although perfectly aware of its intended +destination.</p> + +<p>"O, no one in particular," replied Mammy.</p> + +<p>"Well then" said I, "I believe I'll take it."</p> + +<p>"There! there!" exclaimed Mammy, pointing her finger at me, "See the +greedy girl! Now you shall not have it, just for asking for it." The +disputed piece was immediately deposited on Fred's plate; and from that +day forth I gave up all hopes of the largest piece of pie.</p> + +<p>O, that Fred was an imp! There was nothing in the shape of mischief, +which he would not do. If left to amuse the baby, he often amused +himself by tying a string to its toe, and every now and then giving it a +sudden pull. The child would cry, of course, and, on the approach of any +one, Master Fred sat looking as demure as possible, while trying to keep +his little brother quiet. The string would then +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page033" id="page033"></a>[pg 033]</span> +be twitched again for +his own private edification; and it was sometime before the trick was +discovered. My brother Henry had at one time several little chickens, of +which he became very fond. Day after day he fed, admired, and caressed +them; and Fred, who never could bear to see others happy long, began to +revolve in his own mind certain plans respecting the chickens. One by +one they disappeared, until the number decreased alarmingly; but no +traces of them could be found. We were questioned, but, as all denied +the charge, the culprit remained undiscovered, although strong +suspicions rested on Fred. At last the indignant owner came upon him one +day, as he stood quietly watching the struggles of two little chickens +in a tub of water. Henry bitterly exclaimed against this cruelty, but +Fred innocently replied that "he had no hand in the matter; he had +thought, for some time, how much prettier they would look swimming like +ducks, and therefore tried to teach them—but the foolish things +persisted in walking along with their eyes shut, and so got drowned."</p> + +<p>But one of Fred's grand <i>coup-d'oeils</i> was +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page034" id="page034"></a>[pg 034]</span> +the affair of the +cherry-pie. In those days ladies attended more to their household +affairs than they do at present; and my mother, an excellent +housekeeper, was celebrated for her pastry—cherry-pies in particular. +It was the Fourth of July; the boys were released from school, and +roaming about in quest of mischief as boys always are—and, as a rare +thing, we had no company that day, except my aunt, who had come from a +distance on a visit to my mother, while my father had gone to return one +of the numerous visits paid him. Cherry-pie was a standing dish at our +house with which to celebrate the Declaration of Independence. The +servants had all gone out for a holiday, no dinner was cooked, and the +sole dependence was on the cherry-pie.</p> + +<p>They sat down to dinner, and I heard my mother say: "Now, sister Berthy, +I really hope you will enjoy this pie, for I bestowed extra pains upon +it, and placed it up in the bed-room pantry out of the boys' reach, who +are very apt to nibble off the edge of the crust. This time, I see, they +have not meddled with it."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page035" id="page035"></a>[pg 035]</span> + +<p>The pie was cut; but alas! for the hollowness of human triumphs; the +knife met a wilderness of crust and vacancy, but no cherries. The +bed-room pantry had a window opening on a shed, and into that window +Fred, the scape-grace, had adroitly climbed, carefully lifted the upper +crust from the cherished pie, and abstracted all the cherries. My mother +locked him up, for punishment, but having unfortunately selected a sort +of store-room pantry, he made himself sick with sweetmeats, broke all +the jars he could lay hands on, and, finally, discovering a pair of +scissors, he worked at the lock, spoiled it, and let himself out.</p> + +<p>At one time, being rather short of cash, he helped himself to a +five-dollar bill from my mother's drawer; but even <i>his</i> conscience +scarcely resting under so heavy an embezzlement, he got it changed, took +half a dollar, and then put the rest back in the drawer. This +considerateness led to a discovery; they all knew that no one but Fred +would have been guilty of so foolish, and at the same time so dishonest +a thing.</p> + +<p>My favorite brother was Henry; just three years +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page036" id="page036"></a>[pg 036]</span> +older than myself, +manly, amiable, and intellectual in his tastes, he appeared to me +infinitely superior to any one I had ever seen; and we two were almost +inseparable. In winter he always carried me to school on his sled, saw +that Fred did not rob me of my dinner, and was always ready to explain a +difficult lesson. He was an extremely enterprising boy, with an +inexhaustible fund of ingenuity and invention; but, like most geniuses, +received more blame than praise. When quite small he constructed a sort +of gun made of wood, which would discharge a small ball of paper, +pebble, etc. This became a very popular plaything in the nursery, and for +once the inventor received due praise, on account of its keeping the +children so quiet. But one day Fred undertook to teach the year old baby +the art of shooting with it; and with a small corn for a bullet, he +placed the toy in the child's hands, turning the mouth the wrong way. +The young soldier pulled the trigger in delight, and by some strange +mischance, the corn flew up his nose. The doctor was hastily brought, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page037" id="page037"></a>[pg 037]</span> +the child relieved with a great deal of difficulty, the dangerous +plaything burned, and poor Henry sent to coventry for an unlimited time.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page038" id="page038"></a>[pg 038]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_IV"></a><h2>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + +<p>We had a girl named Jane Davis whom my mother had brought up from +childhood. At the period to which I refer, she could not have been more +than fourteen, and as she was always good-humored and willing to oblige, +she became a general favorite. Often, in the early winter evenings, with +the nursery as tidy as hands could make it, (for Mammy, although not an +old maid, was a mortal enemy to dirt and slovenliness) we all gathered +round the fire, while the old nurse and Jane spun out long stories, +sometimes of things which had happened to them, sometimes of things +which had happened to others, and often of things that never did or +could happen to anybody. But I must do them the justice to say, that +although +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page039" id="page039"></a>[pg 039]</span> +they sometimes related almost impossible occurrencies, they +never, on any one occasion, took advantage of their influence over us to +enforce our obedience by frighful tales of old men with bags, who seem +to have an especial fancy for naughty children. The nearest approach +that Mammy ever made to anything of this kind was to tell us, when we +began to look sleepy, that the sandman had been along and filled our +eyes. On receiving this information, we generally retired peaceably to +bed, without being haunted by any fears of ghost or goblin.</p> + +<p>There was a wealthy and fashionable family who lived just opposite, +consisting of a widower, his sister, and two children—a son and +daughter. They lived in most extravagant style, and Jane positively +assured us that the housekeeper had told her with her own lips that +there was no end to Mr. Okeman's wealth, and that he even made his +daughter eat bank-bills on her bread and butter! Whether the son was +exempted from this disagreeable performance we never thought of +inquiring; but our awe rose ten percent, for a girl who was so rich as +absolutely to devour money. On being divulged, this grand +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page040" id="page040"></a>[pg 040]</span> +secret amused +the inmates of the drawing-room very much, and our parents could +scarcely command their countenances to undeceive us.</p> + +<p>Jane Davis remained with us as nursery-maid until she was eighteen, when +my mother, who was always extremely kind to servants and dependants, +placed her at a trade, and supported her comfortably until she learned +enough to support herself. She afterwards married a carpenter, who +always performed for my father those odd jobs that are constantly +required in a house, and they came to live in a kind of cottage at the +end of the garden. They there commenced farming on a small scale, and +often supplied us with milk, eggs, poultry, etc.</p> + +<p>Mammy was a firm believer in signs of good and evil import; thus, if, in +dropping the scissors, they stood up erect on the point, she always said +that visitors were coming—a sign that rarely failed, as we were seldom +a day without them. Once I had wished very much for a large wax-doll. My +dreams were beautified with waxen images of immense size, whose china +blue eyes, long flaxen curls, and rosy +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page041" id="page041"></a>[pg 041]</span> +cheeks, presented a combination +of charms that took my heart by storm. I sat one night, as usual, by the +nursery fire; my thoughts fixed on this all-engrossing subject, when I +ventured to communicate them to Mammy, and ask her if she thought I ever +would become the enviable possessor of such a doll.</p> + +<p>"I don't know," replied Mammy at first, "I think it's very doubtful. But +come here," she added, "and let me see your hand."</p> + +<p>After an examination, Mammy pronounced with an air of great mystery that +circumstances were propitious, and she was almost convinced beyond a +doubt that ere long the doll would be mine. She then pointed out to me a +small white spot on my left thumb nail, which she said always denoted a +present. I was rather incredulous at first, not conceiving that so +brilliant a dream could be realized; but after a while the doll actually +made its appearance, and I began to regard Mammy as something little +short of a witch, and became far more tractable in consequence of my +increased awe.</p> + +<p>Jane's stories, as well as Mammy's always began with "Once upon a time +there were two +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page042" id="page042"></a>[pg 042]</span> +sisters;" one was represented as plain-looking, but +amiable—the other beautiful, but a very Zantippe in temper. By some +wonderful combination of circumstances, the elder lost her beauty and +ugliness at the same time—when some good fairy always came along, who, +by a magic touch of her wand, made both the sisters far more lovely than +the elder had been. Beauty was always the burden of the tale; people who +were not beautiful met with no adventures, and seemed to lead a hum-drum +sort of life; therefore, I insensibly learned to regard this wonderful +possession as something very much to be desired. I believe I was quite a +pretty child, with dark bright eyes, red lips, and a pair of very rosy +cheeks. I spent considerable time before the glass, and both Mammy and +Jane began to fear the effects of vanity. Often and often would the old +nurse say: "You needn't stand before the glass, Miss Amy—there is +nothing to look at," or when in a bad humor, "Don't make such faces, +child—you have no beauty to spare," and I can very well remember how +both would endeavor to persuade me that I was the most veritable little +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page043" id="page043"></a>[pg 043]</span> +fright that ever existed, and quite a bugbear to my relations.</p> + +<p>"What a pity," Jane would commence, as she saw me surveying myself with +an air of infinite satisfaction, "what a pity it is that Miss Amy has +such a dark, ugly skin—almost like an Indian, isn't it, nurse?"</p> + +<p>I had eyes to judge for myself, and knew that I was much fairer than +either Mammy or Jane; and somebody had remarked in my presence: "What a +lovely neck and shoulders!" therefore I generally remained perfectly +quiet while listening to these inuendoes.</p> + +<p>"Yes," Mammy would reply, "a very great pity—but an amiable temper, +Miss Amy, is more than looks; you must try and cultivate that, to make +up for your want of beauty."</p> + +<p>"And then," continued Jane, "only see how perfectly straight her hair +is! not a sign of curl, nor even a twist!--and black eyes have such a +wicked kind of a look; they always remind me of cannibals."</p> + +<p>Jane's eyes were as blue and bright as glass beads, while Mammy's, I +thought, approached a green, but with my own I felt perfectly satisfied; +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page044" id="page044"></a>[pg 044]</span> +for a lady had remarked in my presence what beautiful eyes I +had—adding that "dark eyes were so much more expressive than blue; blue +ones were so very insipid looking." The observation about my hair, +though, was only too correct, and touched me most sensibly. While most +of the other children possessed those soft, flowing curls, so beautiful +in childhood, mine obstinately refused to wave; and was, to use Jane's +expression, "as straight and as stiff as a poker." I had endeavored to +remedy this as far as lay in my power, and one day set my hair in a +blaze, while curling it with a very hot pipe-stem. I was, in +consequence, deemed one of the most abandoned of the nursery inmates; +and found myself minus at least one half of the hair I had hitherto +possessed.</p> + +<p>I really believe that both Jane and Mammy sincerely hoped to eradicate +my besetting sin, by such blunt remarks as the former; but no course +could have been less wise than the one which they took. I knew very well +that I was neither a fright, an Indian, nor a cannibal; and the pains +which they took to convince me to the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page045" id="page045"></a>[pg 045]</span> +contrary led me to give myself +credit for much more beauty than I really possessed. I also regarded +amiability as a virtue of very small account; and supposed that those +who practised it, only did so because they possessed neither beauty, +grace, nor anything else to recommend them.</p> + +<p>A great source of annoyance to me was my dress. As I was an only +daughter, some mothers, with the same means, would have enhanced my +attractions with all the aid of ornament, and established me as a +permanent divinity of the drawing-room, whom all must bow to and flatter +as they entered its precincts. But, although fond of display, and +surrounded with all the appliances of wealth, the taste of my parents +never did run much on dress; and I often felt mortified at my +inferiority to others in this respect. Such articles were then much +dearer, and more in vogue than at the present day, and a blue Circassian +formed my entire stock of gala dresses, and went the rounds of all the +children's parties I attended; my mother seemed to think, (with respect +to me, at least,) that as long as a dress was clean and in good +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page046" id="page046"></a>[pg 046]</span> +repair, +there was no need of a change—she left nothing to the pleasure of +variety. There appeared to be an inexhaustible store of the same +material in a certain capacious drawer; did an elbow give out, a new +sleeve instantly supplied its place—did I happen to realize the ancient +saying: "There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip," and make my +lap the recipient of some of the goodies provided for us at our +entertainments, the soiled front breadth disappeared, and was replaced +by another, fresh and new—did the waist grow short, it was made over +again—there verily seemed to be no end to the dress; I came to the +conclusion that blue Circassian was the most ugly material ever +invented, and often found myself calculating how many yards there might +be left.</p> + +<p>My school hats always looked the worse for wear, and my Sunday ones were +not much better; but once my mother took me to the city, and bought me, +for school, a far handsomer hat than I had hitherto worn for best, and a +still better one for great occasions. Here I, who scarcely ever looked +decent about the upper story, actually had two new hats at +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page047" id="page047"></a>[pg 047]</span> +once! The +best one, I remember, was a round gipsy flat, then altogether the +fashion; and the first Sunday I put it on I made a perfect fool of +myself by twisting my hair in strings, intended to pass for natural +ringlets, and allowing said strings to hang all around beneath the brim +of my hat. Mamma was sick and confined to her room, and I managed to +appear at church with this ridiculous head-gear. People certainly stared +a little, but this my vanity easily converted into looks of admiration +directed towards my new hat, and perhaps also my improved beauty—and +came home more full of self-complacency than ever.</p> + +<p>I have before mentioned that beyond the house there was a large +fruit-garden, respecting which, my father's orders were especially +strict. He expressly forbade our touching any of the fruit unless he +gave us permission; and nothing made him more angry than to have any +gathered before it was quite ripe. It certainly requires a child whose +principle of honesty is a very strong one, to pass every day in full +view of an endless bed of ripening strawberries, whose uncommon size and +luscious hue +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page048" id="page048"></a>[pg 048]</span> +offered so many temptations. But bad as I was, I think I +was generally pretty honest, and resisted the temptation to the best of +my ability.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page049" id="page049"></a>[pg 049]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_V"></a><h2>CHAPTER V.</h2> + +<p>I think I was about five years old, when one bright May morning my +brother Henry received especial instructions to be careful of me, and +see that I fell into no mischief on the occasion of my first day at +school. The luncheon-basket was packed with twice the usual quantity of +sandwiches, into which Mammy slyly tucked a small paper of sweet things +as a sort of comforter, with repeated injunctions to Henry not to make a +mistake and confiscate them for his own private use. A superfluous +caution—for Henry was the most generous little fellow that ever lived; +and was far more likely to fall short himself than that others should +suffer through him. Both Jane and Mammy kissed me repeatedly. I had on a +new dress of light, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page050" id="page050"></a>[pg 050]</span> +spotted calico, and a straw hat, with a green +ribbon, and a deep green silk cape—underneath the binding of my apron a +small handkerchief had been carefully pinned—a small blue-covered book, +and a slate with a long, sharp-pointed pencil tied on with a red cord, +were placed in my hands; and from these ominous preparations, and the +uncommon kindness of every one around, I concluded that I was at last to +meet with some adventure—perhaps to suffer martyrdom of some kind or +other.</p> + +<p>Poor Jane! My great passion was for beads, and when she perceived, from +various indications, that I was not exactly pleased with the change, she +ran up stairs, hastily loosened a whole string from a cherished +necklace, and returning quickly, slipped them into my hand. My mother +also came into the nursery to see that I was perfectly neat, kissed me +affectionately as she whispered to me to be a good girl and learn to +read, and with a strange, undefined sensation at my heart, I found +myself in the street with my hand fast locked in that of Henry. It was +that lovely season of the year +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page051" id="page051"></a>[pg 051]</span> +when the fruit-trees are all in bloom; +and the sweet, flower-laden breeze, the busy hum of human life that rose +around, and the bounding, restless spirit of childhood, made me shrink +from the bondage I was about to enter.</p> + +<p>The school-house was a very pretty cottage with a trellised front of +bean-vines and honeysuckle; and when I entered I found, to my great +surprise, that Miss Sewell, the teacher, looked very much like other +people. There were two moderate-sized rooms, opening into each other, in +one of which Mr. Sewell superintended several desks of unruly boys—in +the other, his daughter directed the studies of about twenty little +girls. There were some large girls seated at the desks, who appeared to +me so very antiquated that I was almost afraid to hazard an idea +respecting their ages; and had I been asked how old they were, should +probably have replied 'at least fifty;' although I do not now suppose +the eldest was more than fourteen.</p> + +<p>Rather stunned by the buzz and noise of the classes reciting, and very +much puzzled as to my own probable destiny, I began to climb the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page052" id="page052"></a>[pg 052]</span> +hill +of knowledge. I said my letters; and Miss Sewell, having found that I +knew them pretty well, (thanks to Mammy's patient teaching), allowed me +to spell in <i>a-b, ab</i>, and <i>b-a, ba</i>, and set me some straight marks on +my slate. I met with nothing remarkable during my first day at school; +and on my return informed Mammy, as the result of my studies, that two +and one make four. Nor could I be persuaded to the contrary; for, +although I had been taught by the old nurse to count as far as ten, on +being examined by Miss Sewell, either bashfulness or obstinacy prevented +me from displaying the extent of my knowledge—and, while endeavoring to +explain to me how many one and one make, she had said: "There is one, to +begin with; well now, one more makes two," therefore as one made two in +this case, I supposed it did in every other.</p> + +<p>I learned to love the mild countenance of Miss Sewell, with her plain +dark hair and soft eyes, and was never happier then when she was invited +to tea; for then I was emancipated from the nursery and placed beside +her at table. I dearly loved to take her fruit and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page053" id="page053"></a>[pg 053]</span> +flowers; and white +lilies, roses, honey-suckles, and the most admired productions of our +garden were daily laid on Miss Sewell's table. For rewards we had a +great many wide, bright-colored ribbons, which were tied upon our arms, +that every one might see them as we went home; and she who could boast a +variety of ribbons was known to have been perfect in all her lessons. +Those who had fallen into disgrace were distinguished by a broad band +passed around the head, on the front of which was written in large +characters the name of the misdemeanor.</p> + +<p>One morning I had been rather negligent, and, having my suspicions as to +the consequence, told Mammy of my fears, and my dread of the disgrace. +The old nurse's anger even exceeded mine; she declared that her child +should not be treated so, and advised me to snatch it off and tear it to +pieces. I went to school, not having exactly made up my mind whether to +follow this advice or not; but my afternoon lessons fully made up for +the deficiency of the morning, and I escaped the dreaded punishment. I +had gone with several +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page054" id="page054"></a>[pg 054]</span> +companions to the closet in which we deposited +our hats and shawls, and while engaged in the process of robing, I heard +a very loud voice talking in great excitement, and one which I +immediately recognised. I overheard Mammy exclaiming: "Where is my +child? Has she got that horrid thing on her head? I want to take it off +before she goes home."</p> + +<p>Blushing with mortification, as I noticed the tittering of the +school-girls, called forth by the loud tone and strange figure of the +old nurse, who had rushed into the room in her usual attire of +short-gown and petticoat, I came hastily forward, and was immediately +seized by Mammy, who exclaimed in surprise: "Why, I though you said you +were going to have that thing on your head! I was determined that no +child of mine should wear it, so I came after you to take it off."</p> + +<p>Mammy was one of the most independent persons I ever saw; she cared for +no one's frown, and poured forth the whole love of her warm Irish heart +upon us—tormenting and troublesome as we were. Sometimes she sung to us +of "Acushla machree" and "Mavourneen," +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page055" id="page055"></a>[pg 055]</span> +and Mammy's Irish songs were +especial favorites with the young fry of the nursery. When we were +particularly obstreperous, she threatened to go away and leave us, and +never come back again; a threat which always produced copious showers of +tears, and promises of better behavior. Often have I watched her in +dismay as she dressed herself to go out—fearful that she would really +put her threat in execution, especially as conscience whispered that I +deserved it. At such times, nothing pacified me except the deposit of +her spectacles; when once the case was lodged in my possession, I felt +sure of Mammy—knowing that she could not stay long without them. +Sometimes she would tell us of her life in Ireland; but no act did she +more bitterly deplore than her marriage; complaining that the object of +her choice was far from what he appeared to be when she married him—and +further observing that as he turned out a very bad speculation, and +never gave her anything but a thimble, she wisely left him to his own +society, and emigrated to America.</p> + +<p>Mammy very often kept the key of the fruit-garden; +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page056" id="page056"></a>[pg 056]</span> +and as she never +yielded it to our entreaties, the ever-ready Fred formed a conspiracy +one Sunday afternoon, in which, I am sorry to say, I took a very +conspicuous part—the object of which was to purloin the key, and enjoy +at last this long-coveted, forbidden pleasure. Fred actually succeeded +in abstracting it from Mammy's capacious pocket, and in high glee we +proceeded to the garden. It was in the time of peaches; there hung the +lucious fruit in such profusion, that the trees were almost borne down +by its weight. We ate till we could eat no longer; and then, happening +to see two or three men passing along, we threw some over the fence to +them. They, in return, threw us some pennies; and, delighted with the +success of our frolic, we continued to throw and receive, until startled +by a most unwelcome apparition. There, at the foot of the tree, stood +Mammy—her face expressing the utmost astonishment and indignation, and +her hands extended to seize us. She had watched our manoeuvres from one +of the windows, and astonishment at our boldness and ingenuity kept her +for sometime a silent spectator. But +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page057" id="page057"></a>[pg 057]</span> +Mammy was not apt to be <i>silent</i> +long while witnessing our misdeeds; and in an incredible short space of +time she gained the use of both her feet and her tongue. Our companions +caught a glimpse of flying drapery rapidly advancing, and rather +suddenly made their retreat; while we, now trembling, detected culprits, +took up a line of march for the house.</p> + +<p>Not so, Fred; defying Mammy to capture him, and laughing at her dismay, +he started off on a run, and she after him in full pursuit. We watched +the chase from the nursery-window; and as Fred was none of the thinnest, +and Mammy somewhat resembled a meal-bag with a string tied round the +middle, it proved to be quite exciting. But it was brought to an +untimely end by the apparition of a pair of spectacles over the fence; +said spectacles being the undisputed property of a middle-aged +gentleman—a bachelor, who, we suspected, always stayed home from church +on Sunday afternoons to keep the neighbors in order. With +horror-stricken eyes he had beheld only the latter part of the scene, +and conceiving the old nurse to be as bad as her rebellious charge, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page058" id="page058"></a>[pg 058]</span> +he called out from his garden, which communicated with ours:</p> + +<p>"My good woman, do you know that this is Sunday?—Depend upon it, a +person of your years would feel much better to be quietly reading in +your own apartment, than racing about the garden in this unseemly +manner."</p> + +<p>Poor Mammy! she was well aware of this before; flushed, heated, and +almost overcome with fatigue, she looked the very picture of +uncomfortableness; and this last aggravation increased the feeling to a +tenfold degree. At that moment, Fred, unconsciously, stumbled into her +very arms; she looked up—the spectacles had disappeared—and convinced +of this fact, she bore him in triumph to the nursery.</p> + +<p>We had all expected personal chastisement, at the very least, but we +were thrown into a greater degree of horror and dismay than could well +be conceived; Mammy placed her spectacles in her pocket, collected her +valuables, and put on her hat and things, to take passage for Ireland. +We hung about her in every attitude of entreaty—acknowledged our +misdemeanors, promised amendment, and an entire confession +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page059" id="page059"></a>[pg 059]</span> +of all the +sins we had ever perpetrated. I do think we must have remained upon our +knees at least half an hour; never had Mammy seemed so hard-hearted +before, and we began to think that she might be in earnest after all. We +begged her to whip us—lock us up—anything but leave us; and at last +she relented. She told us that she considered us the most abandoned +children that ever were born; and wished that she had two additional +eyes at the back of her head to watch our movements. We promised to +spend the afternoon in learning hymns and verses; and Mammy, having +taken her position in the large easy-chair, with a footstool at her +feet, tied Fred to one of the legs, as he sat on a low bench at her +side, and made us all study. We succeeded pretty well; although +considerably terrified at the sharp looks which Mammy from time to time +bestowed upon us.</p> + +<p>In the evening came the promised confession; and both Mammy and Jane +were rendered almost dumb by these dreadful instances of depravity. Such +secret and unsuspected visits to the store-room pantry—such +conspiracies +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page060" id="page060"></a>[pg 060]</span> +against locks and bolts—such scaling of walls, and +climbing in at windows, were never heard of before. I rather suspected +Fred to have drawn upon his imagination for instances of the marvellous, +for such adventures as he related never could have been met with; but +Mammy and Jane believed it all. At the conclusion, the old nurse seemed +very much disposed to punish us at once for all these united +misdemeanors—and was only prevented by our remonstrating upon the plea +of a voluntary confession.</p> + +<p>That night I lay awake, pretending to sleep, and heard Mammy and her +satellite discussing our conduct in all its enormity. Considerably +influenced by their unaffected horror and astonishment, the thought for +the first time rushed upon my mind, that perhaps I might be much worse +than other people. It troubled me considerably; I found it impossible to +sleep, and following a good impulse, I crept softly out of bed, and +falling on my knees before Mammy, whispered to her to pray for me. There +must have been a very different expression on my countenance from its +usual one; for I afterwards +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page061" id="page061"></a>[pg 061]</span> +heard the old nurse tell Jane that I +reminded her of an angel. I felt utterly miserable; and sobbing +convulsively, I begged Mammy to pray, not that I might have a new heart, +but that I might live a great while. I had begun to fear speedy +punishment for my misdemeanors. The old nurse, (although a really pious +woman), seemed quite at a loss how to proceed; and Jane, coming forward, +took me kindly by the hand, and reasoned with me on my conduct with all +the wisdom of riper years and a higher education. After convincing me +that I should ask, not for an increased number of years, but for a new +heart and temper, she knelt down with me and repeated the Lord's prayer.</p> + +<p>The scene is indelibly impressed upon my memory; for although I have +since witnessed scenes containing more stage effect, and quite as +melting, I never in my life remember to have been so affected as, with +Jane's arm around me, and the light of the nursery-lamp shining upon our +kneeling figures, I distinctly heard Mammy's sobs, as she repeated each +word with a peculiar intonation of reverence. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page062" id="page062"></a>[pg 062]</span> +I felt a respect for the +young girl ever afterwards; and as I clasped my arms about her neck and +pressed a warm kiss on her cheek, as I bade her good-night, the tone of +my voice must have been unusually tender—for I saw tears come into her +eyes as she asked Mammy if she was not afraid, from my flushed cheeks, +that I had some fever. Although petulant, and even violent when roused, +I had a warm, loving heart, capable of the most unbounded affection; and +from that time forth Jane and I never had a single dispute. She had +appeared to me in a new light on that Sabbath eve; and with my hand +locked in hers, I fell into a sweet, dreamy sleep.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page063" id="page063"></a>[pg 063]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_VI"></a><h2>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + +<p>One of my great troubles, and one too which I regarded in a pretty +serious light, was the obeisance I had been taught to make on meeting +"the minister's wife." I never came within view of this formidable +personage that I did not hesitate and tremble; while I looked wildly +around, in the vain hope of discovering a place of refuge. After +performing my awkward courtesy, I usually hastened on as fast as +possible, being oppressed with a most uncomfortable sensation of awe in +the presence of Mrs. Eylton. This was occasioned by the quiet observance +which I, like other children, took of the conduct of those around me. +Everything in the house seemed to be at her command; if Mrs. Eylton sent +for a thing she +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page064" id="page064"></a>[pg 064]</span> +must have it immediately; and I drew my conclusions +that "the minister's wife" was a sort of petty sovereign, placed over +the town or village in which she resided, and that all we possessed was +held under her.</p> + +<p>Almost every day brought a request from Mrs. Eylton for the loan of some +article in our possession; a repetition of which would naturally lead +one to conclude that ministers merely procured a house, and then +depended for everything else on the charity of the public. This +borrowing mania appeared to gather strength from indulgence, for none of +the neighbors would refuse, whatever the article might be; and our +waffle-iron, toasting-fork, Dutch-oven, bake-pan, and rolling-pin were +frequently from home on visits of a week's duration. On sending for our +muffin-rings or cake-pans, we often received a message to be expeditious +in our manufactures; that Mrs. Eylton could spare them for a day or so, +"but wanted to use them again very shortly." Our parents would buy such +conveniences, send them to the kitchen of Mrs. Eylton, and borrow them +from time to time, if in perfect +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page065" id="page065"></a>[pg 065]</span> +accordance with that lady's +convenience. She would even borrow her neighbor's servants, and often at +very inconvenient times. Jane had often been sent for to take care of +the children; and the usual request came one afternoon that seemed to me +stamped with most remarkable events.</p> + +<p>We were in a kind of sitting-room on the ground-floor, and my father sat +writing at a small table near the window. A servant entered with the +announcement: "Mrs. Eylton, ma'am, wants to borrow Jane."</p> + +<p>An expression of vexation crossed my mother's countenance as she +remarked: "I do not know how I can possibly spare Jane this afternoon; +Mammy has gone out, and I do not feel inclined to attend to the children +myself."</p> + +<p>My father looked up from his writing as he observed: "Nor do I see the +necessity of your being troubled with them, Laura."</p> + +<p>"Not see the necessity!" exclaimed my mother, "How can I refuse the wife +of our minister? I would be willing to put up with some inconvenience +for Mr. Eylton's sake. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page066" id="page066"></a>[pg 066]</span> +Poor man! he has a hard time of it, with his +talents and refinement."</p> + +<p>"No doubt he has," said my father, pityingly; then, in a more merry +tone, he added: "But can you think of no other alternative, Laura, than +disobliging Mrs. Eylton, if you object to this juvenile infliction for a +whole long summer's afternoon?"</p> + +<p>My father was of a bolder, more determined character than my mother, and +had, withal, a spice of fun in his composition; and the expression of +his eyes now rendered her apprehensive of some sudden scheme that might +create a feeling of justifiable anger in Mrs. Eylton.</p> + +<p>"Dearest Arthur!" she exclaimed beseechingly, as she placed a soft hand +on his shoulder, "Do not, I beseech of you, put in execution any +outlandish plan respecting Mrs. Eylton!--Do let Jane go as usual; for +she is not one to understand a joke, I can assure you—she will be +offended by it."</p> + +<p>"And pray, madam," asked my father, with assumed gravity, "what has led +you to suppose that I intended making Mrs. Eylton the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page067" id="page067"></a>[pg 067]</span> +subject of a +joke? Away with you," he continued, with a mischievous look at those +pleading eyes, "Away with you, and let me do as I choose."</p> + +<p>Turning to the servant, he asked: "Mrs. Eylton has, I believe, requested +the loan of other articles besides our domestics—has she ever sent to +borrow any of the children?"</p> + +<p>"Indeed, and she has not, sir," replied the girl, with difficulty +repressing a laugh.</p> + +<p>"Well then," said he, "we will now send her both the article she +requested, and some articles which she did not request. Tell Jane to be +ready to go to Mrs. Eylton's with the children."</p> + +<p>"Yes sir," and the servant departed to execute her commission.</p> + +<p>"Arthur!" remonstrated my mother.</p> + +<p>"Not a word!" said my father gaily. "Children," he continued, "do you +wish to go? What says my madcap, Amy?"</p> + +<p>Madcap Amy, for once in her life, said nothing—being too much awed and +astonished to reply. To think that I should actually enter the house, +and be face to face with the formidable +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page068" id="page068"></a>[pg 068]</span> +Mrs. Eylton? The idea was +appalling; and for sometime I sat biting my nails in thoughful silence. +It was so sudden, it had always appeared to me that a great deal must be +gone through with—a great many different degrees of intimacy +surmounted, before I should ever find myself within the house of Mrs. +Eylton; but here was I, without the least warning, to be transformed +from the bashful child, who made no sign of recognition save an awkward +courtesy, into the regular visitor—and for a whole afternoon! No wonder +I took so long to deliberate. Though not particularly remarkable for +bashfulness or timidity at home, and despite a character for violence +in, "fighting my own battles," to assert some infringed right, I +absolutely trembled at the idea of encountering strangers; and this +visit to Mrs. Eylton's appeared, to my excited mind, like thrusting +myself into the enemy's quarters.</p> + +<p>But then curiosity rose up in all its powers, to baffle my fear; I did +<i>so</i> want to see how the house looked inside, and whether they really +had anything that was not borrowed! And then who knows, thought I, but +what Mrs. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page069" id="page069"></a>[pg 069]</span> +Eylton will show me the inside of some of her drawers? I dare +say she has a great many pretty things. There was nothing which gave me +greater delight than looking into other people's drawers, and turning +over those remnants of various things which are stored away in most +houses—in many for the mere love of hoarding. Mamma would sometimes +allow me to arrange certain little drawers containing jewelry, ribbons, +and odds and ends. But the charmed room in our house was one that was +always kept locked, and, from the circumstance of a green ribbon being +attached to the key, we called it "the green-ribbon room."</p> + +<p>Dear me! what a collection that room contained. There were several large +trunks that nearly covered the floor, besides boxes, and bags, and +bundles; and these were filled with cast-off clothes, silks, ribbons, +and bunches of artificial flowers and feathers. The room was not very +often opened; it was at the very top of the house, and lighted by a +large dormar-window; but as soon as mamma mounted the stairs, with the +key in her hand, the alarm was given: "Quick! mother is going to the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page070" id="page070"></a>[pg 070]</span> +green-ribbon room!" and mamma's ears were immediately refreshed by the +sound of numerous little feet moving up stairs at locomotive speed, with +the ostensible purpose of assisting her in her researches—but in +reality, to be getting in her way, and begging for everything we saw. It +was, "Mamma, mayn't we have this?" or, "mayn't we have that?" or "Do say +yes, just this once; and we'll never ask you for anything again as long +as we live—never," a promise faithfully kept till next time.</p> + +<p>Mamma sometimes tried to go up very softly, in order to elude our +vigilance; but it wouldn't do. She often wondered how we found out that +that she was there, but we seldom missed an opportunity. Now and then a +dear little pitcher, or a vase of cream-colored ground with a wreath of +faint pink roses traced around it, or a cluster of bright-colored +flowers in the centre, arrested our attention, and called forth +rhapsodies of admiration. I supposed that everybody had just such a +room; and it was very probable, I thought, that Mrs. Eylton might chance +to open hers during our visit. Therefore I decided that, notwithstanding +my +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page071" id="page071"></a>[pg 071]</span> +terror of the lady, a greater amount of pleasure might be obtained +by going there, than by staying at home.</p> + +<p>So Jane, with her own trim person as neat as possible, bore off her +charges to the nursery, in order, as she said, "to make us fit to be +seen." "Mrs. Eylton might see this," or "notice that," and I felt +uncomfortably convinced that Mrs. Eylton must possess the sharpest pair +of eyes it had ever been my misfortune to encounter. Finally, we set +off; I remember being dressed in a white frock, with a broad sash, and +experiencing a consciousness of looking remarkably well, in spite of my +hair—which, having obstinately repulsed all Jane's advances with tongs +and curl-papers, was suffered to remain in all its native straightness.</p> + +<p>It was summer, and a multiflora rose-vine, which extended over the front +of the parsonage, was then in full flower; while, as we mounted the +steps, I distinguished through the green blind door glimpses of a +pleasant-looking garden beyond. We entered the back parlor, where sat +Mrs. Eylton attired for a walk, and surrounded by three children, all +younger than +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page072" id="page072"></a>[pg 072]</span> +myself. The minister's lady did not appear quite so +formidable on a close survey; though the aspect of her countenance was +by no means promising, as her eye fell upon us.</p> + +<p>"Well, Jane," she commenced, in the tone of one who felt herself +injured, "you have kept me waiting some time—how is this? Punctuality +is a virtue very becoming in a young person."</p> + +<p>Jane looked exceedingly disconcerted at this address; but at length she +replied, that "she could not get the children ready before."</p> + +<p>"<i>The children</i>!" repeated Mrs. Eylton; while, young as I was, I plainly +read in her countenance, "What possessed you to bring <i>them</i> here?"</p> + +<p>"Yes ma'am," replied Jane, gathering more courage as she proceeded, +"Mrs. Chesbury sent them with me to spend the afternoon. She had no one +to attend to them at home."</p> + +<p>In the meantime I became aware, as I glanced around the room, that the +prospect for the afternoon promised very little amusement. Mrs. Eylton +soon after left us, telling Jane to be very careful that we got into no +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page073" id="page073"></a>[pg 073]</span> +mischief; and, with, a feeling of disappointment, I saw the door close +behind her. In my scenting of the apartment I became very much struck +with the appearance of a curious looking little work-stand, containing +three small drawers. Immediately my imagination was at work upon their +contents; and I determined, if possible, to satisfy my curiosity. Mrs. +Eylton had departed without making any provision for our amusement, and +I saw no reason why I should not examine the drawers—especially if I +handled things carefully, and put them all back again. Probably they +were in disorder, and then what a pleasant surprise it would be for Mrs. +Eylton to find them all neatly arranged on her return!</p> + +<p>Jane now proposed walking in the garden; and to avoid suspicion, I +joined the party for the present. There were a great many flower-beds, +very prettily laid out; and at the end of a wide path stood a pleasant +little summer-house, half-buried in vines. We established ourselves +there, from whence we could view the whole garden; and with a pretence +of looking again at the flowers, I soon made my +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page074" id="page074"></a>[pg 074]</span> +escape, and returned to +the house. A wide glass-door opened from the back room into the garden, +and carefully closing this, I approached the table and attempted to open +the drawers. I tried the first one,—it was locked; the second,—and met +with no better success. Almost in despair, I placed my hands on the +third, and that finally yielded to my efforts. I beheld heterogeneous +rows of pins, papers of needles, etc., and was about to shut it in +disappointment, when my glance fell on a small box. Small, +mysterious-looking boxes always possessed a talismanic attraction in my +eyes; and the next moment I was busily at work examining the contents. +The round lid lifted, I found my gaze irresistibly fascinated by a +child's face, with fair, curling hair, and azure eyes. But the great +beauty lay in its expression; that was so calm, holy, and serene, that I +felt insensibly better as I gazed upon it. It was a peculiar face; and I +became so wrapt in its contemplation as to lose all hearing of what +passed around, until a step sounded close beside me.</p> + +<p>I looked up, and fairly trembled with terror +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page075" id="page075"></a>[pg 075]</span> +and dismay. There stood +Mr. Eylton, gazing on me in surprise, as if quite at a loss what to make +of the circumstance; but as his eye fell upon the picture, I noticed +that an expression of sadness crossed his countenance. Not knowing what +to do with myself, and almost ready to sink through the floor with +shame, I stood with bowed head and burning cheeks, the very picture of +mortification. But there was no trace of anger in Mr. Eylton's tone, as, +kindly taking me by the hand, he drew me towards him and asked me my +name. I answered as well as I could; and still holding the picture, +remained in silent consternation. Mr. Eylton took it from my hand, and +sighed as he bent a deep, loving gaze upon the fair face.</p> + +<p>Prompted by a sudden impulse, I raised my eyes to his, as I enquired: +"Can you tell me where that little girl is now? I should <i>so</i> like to +see her!"</p> + +<p>"In heaven, I trust," replied Mr. Eylton, while his voice slightly +faltered, and a tear stood in his eye. "She was my daughter, Amy—she +died some years ago, when very young."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page076" id="page076"></a>[pg 076]</span> + +<p>I felt almost ready to cry myself, when told that she was dead, and +gazed lingeringly upon the portrait as Mr. Eylton closed the box; and +placing it in the drawer, he returned to me again.</p> + +<p>"But, my dear child," said he suddenly, "Why did you open the drawer? Do +you not know that it was extremely improper?"</p> + +<p>"I did <i>so</i> want to see what was in it!" was my rejoinder.</p> + +<p>Mr. Eylton seemed puzzled at first by this reply; but probably +perceiving that I had been too much left to myself, he proceeded to +explain, in clear and concise words, the nature and tendency of my +fault. "This curiosity, my dear child, is an improper state of feeling +which should not be indulged in. Suppose," continued he, "that on +looking into this drawer, you had perceived some article which you +immediately felt a great desire to possess; yielding to the temptation +of curiosity would thus lead to the sin of covetousness, and perhaps the +crime of theft might be also added. You would reason with yourself that +no one had seen you open the drawer, and forgetting +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page077" id="page077"></a>[pg 077]</span> +the all-seeing Eye +which never slumbers, you might conclude that no one would know you took +the article which did not belong to you."</p> + +<p>The prospect of becoming a thief struck me with horror; and resolving +never again to meddle with other people's things, I begged Mr. Eylton to +forgive me, and entreated him not to inform Mrs. Eylton of my +misdemeanor. He smiled at the anxiety I displayed not to have it known; +and then taking a bunch of keys from a box, he proceeded to gratify my +curiosity with respect to the other drawers. These amply repaid an +investigation; containing numerous toys and trinkets of foreign +manufacture, among which were two or three small alabaster images. One +represented a beautiful greyhound in a reclining position; there was an +Italian image of the Virgin and Child; and some others which I have +almost forgotten. I was allowed to examine all these things at my +leisure; and when I departed, it was with a firm conviction that Mr. +Eylton was far more agreeable than his wife.</p> + +<p>Jane soon came in from the summer-house, after an unsuccessful search +for me through +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page078" id="page078"></a>[pg 078]</span> +the garden, and was not a little surprised to find me +quietly established with Mr. Eylton. Towards sunset Mrs. Eylton +returned; and being graciously dismissed, we went home with the +impression that it had been altogether rather a curious visit. But the +afternoon dwelt in my memory like a golden gleam; and often I went over, +in imagination, that delightful investigation of Mrs. Eylton's drawers.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page079" id="page079"></a>[pg 079]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_VII"></a><h2>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + +<p>We were generally besieged with visitors of all descriptions and +characters. My parents had one or two poor relations who made long stays +at every visit; and being generous, even to a fault, they loaded them +with presents at their departure, and invitations to come again. There +was one old lady, in particular, who engaged my fancy; she came to see +us quite often, and in the family went by the name of "Aunty Patton." +Aunty Patton was a widow, with very slender means; and boarded with a +married daughter, who had a large family of children, but very little to +support them on. Poor Aunty! she fared rather poorly at home, and did +<i>so</i> seem to enjoy everything. She was particularly fond of fruit-cake; +and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page080" id="page080"></a>[pg 080]</span> +whenever she came, mamma took particular pains that this should be +one of the appliances of the tea-table. She possessed many wealthy +acquaintances and relations, and enjoyed visiting around among them very +much; praising everything that was set before her, and never +contradicting any one. It teemed impossible to put anything on the table +which she did not like; everything was "good," and "delightful," and +"just what she would have fancied." At length some cousin determined to +test her patience; and on one occasion, when the old lady happened to +dine there, the dishes, when uncovered, were found to contain nothing +but supaun and potatoes.</p> + +<p>"I am really sorry, Aunty Patton," began the hostess, "to be able to +offer you nothing better for dinner—but sometimes you know"—</p> + +<p>"O," said Aunty, with rather a rueful look, "it'll <i>do</i>."</p> + +<p>Poor Aunty had that very day prepared herself for something uncommonly +nice in the way of dinner, and felt a little disappointed; but cousin +Emma soon restored her equanimity by a liberal display of fruit-cake and +other nice +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page081" id="page081"></a>[pg 081]</span> +things, which presented themselves on opening the side-board +door.</p> + +<p>Aunty Patton had mild, winning kind of manners, and became a general +favorite in the nursery; probably on account of her always noticing us, +and pronouncing us "lovely little creatures." She appeared to me the +most heavenly-minded old lady I had ever seen; and I listened, with a +species of awe, to the long stories which she loved so dearly to relate +about everybody whom she visited. She was very short—not seeming to me +much taller than myself—and the cumbrous dress of the period was +calculated to make her appear much shorter. She would sit and relate +wonderful occurrences which seemed constantly taking place in her +daughter's family; one of the children would cut his foot, and for +sometime there would be danger of amputation—another urchin would upset +a kettle of scalding water on himself, and then he would be laid up for +sometime, while mamma turned the green-ribbon room topsy-turvy in her +searches after old linen—and once the daughter fell down stairs, and +was taken up for dead. They seemed +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page082" id="page082"></a>[pg 082]</span> +to be an unfortunate family—always +meeting with hair-breadth escapes. Aunty Patton's reticule was always +well filled with good things on every occasion of her departure; and +very often a collection of money was added to the stock.</p> + +<p>Mamma sometimes endeavored to enlist our sympathies in benevolent +purposes. I remember, on one occasion, when I had been teasing sometime +for a new tortoise-shell comb to keep back my hair with, it suddenly +entered my head that it would be a well-disposed action to ask for some +money to give Aunty Patton.</p> + +<p>"Are you willing, Amy, to deny yourself anything," asked mamma, after I +had made my request, "in order that I may give this money to Aunty +Patton? It is no benevolence in you to ask me to give away money, unless +you are willing to do without something in consequence. If I give Aunty +Patton the five dollars that your comb will cost, are you willing to do +without it?"</p> + +<p>"Dear me," thought I, "being good is very expensive." I deliberated for +sometime, but finally answered, "No." My mother pressed +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page083" id="page083"></a>[pg 083]</span> +the subject no +farther; but after a while I exclaimed with a comfortable feeling of +magnanimity; "Yes, dear mamma, you <i>may</i> give Aunty Patton the five +dollars—and I'll get <i>papa</i> to buy me the comb!"</p> + +<p>Mammy was a great judge of character, and when she once made up her mind +not to like a person, it was very difficult to make her change her +sentiments. My father once brought in a travelling clergyman, who +represented himself as very devout and unfortunate; and we all made +great efforts to entertain him. He was travelling West, he said, and +endeavoring to collect on the road sufficient money to pay his expenses. +My father invited him to remain with us a month; and he seemed very much +to enjoy the good things so liberally showered upon him—contriving at +the same time to render himself so agreeable that he quite won our +hearts. Mammy alone remained proof against his insinuations; he paid +assiduous court to her, and did his best to remove this unfavorable +impression, but the old nurse remained immovable.</p> + +<p>He once asked her for the key to the fruit-garden, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page084" id="page084"></a>[pg 084]</span> +when my parents were +both out; but Mammy stedfastly refused him. "She had orders," she said, +"not to let the key go out of her possession, and she didn't intend to +now." The wandering clergyman departed quite enraged; and reported +proceedings as soon as my father returned. He was very much displeased +at Mammy's obstinacy, and spoke quite warmly on the subject; but the old +nurse replied that "she didn't know but he might make off with half the +fruit in the garden—she didn't like the man's looks at any rate."</p> + +<p>I had then in my possession a little morocco pocket-book, a treasured +article, which I valued above all my other worldly goods. Sometime +before Christmas, I had observed it in a a shop-window with passionate +admiration; and on my return home, I threw out various hints and +inuendoes—scarcely hoping that they would be attended to. They were, +however; for on examining my stocking on the eventful morning, the +long-coveted pocket-book was found sticking in the toe—and what was +still better, well supplied with contents. I was in +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page085" id="page085"></a>[pg 085]</span> +ecstasy for +sometime after; but wishing to do something to signalize myself, I now +placed it in the hands of the Rev. Mr. Motley for safe keeping.</p> + +<p>"Mark my words," said Mammy prophetically, "you'll never see a sign of +that pocket-book again."</p> + +<p>Alas! her words were but too true; circumstances came to light not very +favorable to the character of our visitor; and that very night the Rev. +Mr. Motley secretly decamped—mentioning in a note left behind, that +unlooked-for events had hastened his departure. My little pocket-book +accompanied him, as he quite forgot to return it; and Mammy's triumph +was almost as provoking as the loss. She had, however, with +characteristic caution, abstracted whatever money it contained; and the +reflection that the reverend gentleman had not gained much, gave her +considerable pleasure. The lesson taught me not to trust strangers again +too readily, and my father imbibed somewhat of a prejudice against +travelling clergymen in distress. Rev. Mr. Motley was never again heard +of.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page086" id="page086"></a>[pg 086]</span> + +<p>We once had a visit from a Captain Vardell, an acquaintance of my +father's, who had married a Spanish woman. This Captain had spent much +of his time at sea; roving about from place to place, until at length he +settled down for some years in Spain. He had no relations in America, +and but little money, so that of course my father's house, the usual +refuge of the needy and distressed, was at once his destination. He +appeared to us an indolent, good-natured kind of a man, and his wife +resembled him in the former quality, though quite deficient in the +latter. She could not speak a word of English, and would scold and rail +at her husband in Spanish for hours together. We did not understand what +she said, but we knew, by the flashing of those great black eyes and her +animated gestures, that her words were not words of love. She was a +large woman, with straight, black hair, that seemed to be always hanging +about her face, and rather handsome features. She spent most of her time +in playing jackstraws with us, or else lounging on the sofa; muttering +in rapid succession the words of a small prayer-book, which +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page087" id="page087"></a>[pg 087]</span> +Captain +Vardell told us she always carried about her, as it had been consecrated +and given to her by a Spanish priest. She appeared to us very much like +a great overgrown baby; manifesting the most childish delight on winning +a game, and equally angry when defeated. Once, when in extreme +good-humor, she shewed us how to make beads resembling coral, from a +certain paste which she manufactured; but we never could extract from +her the names of the materials, and were obliged to content ourselves +with making them under her direction.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Vardell was so extremely lazy that she would never stoop to pick up +anything she had dropped. If her handkerchief or prayer-book fell to the +floor, she made motions for us to bring them to her; and when we +sometimes mischievously pretended not to understand these signs, she +would let the article remain until some one restored it to her. She +never seemed to experience the least emotion of gratitude, and received +all favors as a natural right. She was an extremely troublesome, +exacting visitor, and we were not at all sorry when the time of her +departure arrived.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page088" id="page088"></a>[pg 088]</span> + +<p>My father had exerted himself on their behalf, and at the end of their +visit handed Captain Vardell a handsome sum of money, collected from +among his merchant friends and acquaintances. People were much more +liberal then than now, and the case of the Vardells did not fail to call +forth their sympathy and generosity. The Spanish lady made her adieus, +if so they could be called, with an easy indifference—apparently +considering her fellow-mortals as machines invented for her sole use and +benefit. Captain Vardell presented us children with a handsome +collection of shells, picked up on foreign shores during his numerous +voyages; and some of them were very rare and beautiful. Most of them had +a delicate pink tinge, like the outer leaves of a just-blown rose; and +we amused ourselves fur a long time by arranging them in a glass-case +which my father gave us for the purpose.</p> + +<p>Among our visitors was an aunt +of my mother's who lived in Waterford, Connecticut; and being a widow, +with quite a large farm to attend to, her visits were never of long +duration. I became very much attached to her, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page089" id="page089"></a>[pg 089]</span> +for she often entertained +us with long stories about the Revolution and the aggressions of the +British soldiers—about which you shall hear when I come to tell you of +the long visit I made there one summer. Aunt Henshaw was very proud of +her farm and farming operations; her cattle and vegetables had several +times won the prize at agricultural fairs, and she boasted that her land +produced more than any of her neighbors'; who, being men, were of course +expected to be more accomplished in such matters. She appeared to +delight in giving away things, and seldom made us a visit without +bringing something of her own raising. These little presents my father +always repaid tenfold; and Aunt Henshaw departed without a new gown or +hat, or something to show when she got home. I believe that we generally +anticipated more pleasure from her visits than from any of the numerous +friends who often favored us with their company.</p> + +<p>But Aunt Henshaw, I must confess, won my heart less by her own +individual merits than a present she once made me, which actually +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page090" id="page090"></a>[pg 090]</span> +appeared to me like a windfall from the skies. I was always +inordinately fond of reading, and my predelictions for fairy tales +amounted to an actual passion. When Mammy and Jane's ingenuity had been +exhausted in framing instances of the marvellous for my special +gratification, I would often fold my hands before my face, to shut out +all actual scenes, and thus sit and dream of wonderful adventures with +fairies, witches, and enchanted princesses. I was always happier in a +reverie than in the company of others—my own ideals I could make as I +chose—the real I must take as I found it. Castle-building is a pleasant +but dangerous occupation; had I not been so much of an enthusiast, a +day-dreamer, it would have been better for my happiness.</p> + +<p>But to return to Aunt Henshaw and her present. Some school-mate one day +told me of the varied wonders contained in the "Arabian Kights." My +imagination, always excitable, became worked up to a high pitch by tales +of diamond caverns, flying horses, and mysterious Baloons under ground. +If I went to sleep, it was to dream of gardens more beautiful than +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page091" id="page091"></a>[pg 091]</span> +Paradise itself—of cooling fountains springing up at every step—of +all sorts of impossible fruits growing just where you wanted them—and +lamps and songs that gratified every wish. At length I could bear these +tantalizing visions of unattainable pleasure no longer; I put on my +bonnet and determined to go the whole rounds of the village until I met +with some success. People wondered what ailed me that afternoon; I +bolted directly into a room—asked if they had the Arabian Nights—and, +on being answered in the negative, went out as expeditiously as I had +gone in, and tried another acquaintance. I was not easily daunted, and +took each one in succession, but all to no purpose; I returned home, +fairly sick with disappointment, and hope delayed.</p> + +<p>The very next day Aunt Henshaw came down on a visit; and placing in my +hands an old-looking, leather-covered book, observed, "I happened to +come across this stowed away in an old chest, Amy, and knowing your +fondness for fairy tales, I have brought it for you to read."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page092" id="page092"></a>[pg 092]</span> + +<p>I scarcely heard what she said; I had glanced at the book, and on +seeing "Arabian Nights" traced in large gilt letters, the ground seemed +swimming before me, and I could scarcely contain my senses. Seizing the +beloved book, I made my escape as quickly as possible; and mounting up +to the cupola, a tiny room with glass sides, that commanded a view of +the country round, I effectually secured myself against interruption, +and soon became fascinated out of all remembrance. The day waned into +evening—the shadows deepened around—I remember fixing my eyes on a +brilliant star that seemed to come closer and closer, until it assumed a +strangely beautiful form, and I lost all consciousness.</p> + +<p>In the meantime a strict search for me had been going on below. They +began to be alarmed at my continued absence; and after examining every +room, the garden, and every spot on the premises, they sent around the +neighborhood. I was known to be extremely fond of visiting, and every +acquaintance was interrogated in turn—of course, without +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page093" id="page093"></a>[pg 093]</span> +success. No +one had thought of the cupola, and mamma was getting fairly frightened; +when Mammy took a light, and on ascending to my dormitory, discovered me +fast asleep, with the book tightly clasped to my bosom.</p> + +<p>It afterwards yielded the boys as much delight as it had me; Fred, in +particular, had a notion of trying experiments upon the plan there laid +out. He had sat one afternoon for sometime with the book in his +hands—apparently resolving some problem in his own mind; Mammy was +stooping over the nursery fire, when she was suddenly startled by an +unexpected shower of water sprinkled over her head and neck—Fred at the +same time exclaiming, in a tone that seemed to doubt not: "I command you +instantly to turn into a coal black mare!"</p> + +<p>"I don't know what would become of you, you good-for-naught, if I did!" +returned Mammy.</p> + +<p>Some years later I read "The Children of the Abbey," and this opened a +new field of thought. My dreams, instead of being peopled +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page094" id="page094"></a>[pg 094]</span> +with fairies +and genii, were now filled with distressed damsels who met with all +sorts of persecutions and Quixotic adventures, and finally ended where +they should have commenced.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page095" id="page095"></a>[pg 095]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_VIII"></a><h2>CHAPTER VIII.</h2> + +<p>I had a boy-lover who always selected me as his partner in all our +plays, and kept me in pointers with blue ribbons attached to them, to +point out the towns on the large map in the school-room. Charles Tracy +was about my own age, but in disposition and taste he resembled my +brother Henry, and the two were quite inseparable; while his sister +Ellen and I formed an acquaintance through the fence by displaying our +dolls to each other—and this was the beginning of an intimacy that +lasted a long time for children's friendships.</p> + +<p>Ellen possessed a charm which often caused me to experience the +uncomfortable sensation of envy; her hair fell in long, golden-colored +ringlets upon her neck and shoulders, and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page096" id="page096"></a>[pg 096]</span> +these same curls seemed to +shake about so nicely whenever she moved her head. I sometimes thought +that Ellen shook them about much more than was absolutely necessary; but +at the same time they excited my warmest admiration. I felt as though I +could do anything—go through with all sorts of difficulties to have my +hair curl naturally; and with a feeling of unspeakable rapture I +listened to Ellen one day as she told me in a mysterious whisper that +the nurse had said eating crusts made her hair curl.</p> + +<p><i>Eating crusts!</i> What a discovery!--I immediately felt ready to eat all +the crusts in our house and every one else's. I bribed the children to +deliver up all their crusts to me, and commenced eating them with a +voracity that excited the surprise of all the nursery inmates. But +already, in perspective, I beheld my head adorned with long, glossy +curls, and I persevered, despite the laughter I excited. I devoured +crusts by the wholesale, but alas! no waving locks rewarded my patient +toil; and at length I had the pleasure of hearing that the crust +business was a fable, invented by Ellen's +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page097" id="page097"></a>[pg 097]</span> +nurse to induce that young +lady to finish her odds and ends of bread, which she was very much +disposed to scatter about the nursery. It was cruel, after being +elevated to such a pinnacle of happiness, to find my hopes thus rudely +dashed to the ground; and my hair seemed straighter than ever, from +contrast with what I had expected it to be. Ellen was prevented from +wasting her crusts, and so far it was well; but the nurse lost by her +falsehood whatever respect I may have had for her—a loss which she +perhaps did not regard as such, or indeed trouble herself at all +about—but even a child's good opinion is something.</p> + +<p>I was very much inclined to be fleshy—too much so, I thought, for +beauty of figure; and this was another great annoyance. People in +speaking of us, always used to say: "What fine large children!" until I +hated the very sound of it, and wished most earnestly for Ellen's light, +fairy-like figure. I once resolved to starve myself into growing thin; +and, to Mammy's great surprise, refused to taste the dinner she handed +me, and resolutely persisted in going to bed without my supper. Mammy, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page098" id="page098"></a>[pg 098]</span> +good old soul! watched me narrowly, not having been let into the secret +of my laudable resolve; and while she supposed that I had fallen into a +restless slumber, I was in reality tossing about on my trundle bed, +suffering the tantalizing pains of hunger. I remonstrated with myself in +vain; heard all the <i>pros</i> and <i>cons</i> on both sides in this perplexing +case of vanity <i>vs.</i> appetite, and finally resolved to satisfy my +hunger, cost what it would.</p> + +<p>But how to do this was the next question. Enticing slices of bread and +butter kept dancing before my eyes; and at length, when I heard the +snore which announced Mammy's departure to the land of dreams, I rose as +quietly as possible, and descended on a foraging expedition to the +pantry. How very nice everything did look! I stood for a moment feasting +my eyes with the sight, but oh, ill-timed delay! I had not tasted a +single morsel, when a low whisper fell upon my ear, and on turning, I +beheld Mammy gazing on me rather fearfully, while at her elbow stood +Jane in night-gown and cap, who was violently rubbing her eyes in order +to clear away the fancied mist, and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page099" id="page099"></a>[pg 099]</span> +thus convince herself that it was +really the veritable <i>me</i> who was about to perform such an +unheroine-like part.</p> + +<p>This discovery seemed to me exactly like those tantalizing dreams in +which you are sitting down at a table covered with everything nice, but +before you have time to taste anything your visions are rudely +dispelled, and you wake and look in vain for the tempting paraphernalia. +I once bore this in mind after being several times teased in this +manner; and resolving not to be so deceived again, I succeeded in +regaling myself with a mince-pie—which appeared to me quite in the +light of a triumph. I now cast about me for some means to escape from +this disagreeable dilemma; and having heard Mammy whisper to Jane: "How +very wild she looks!" I found that they supposed me to be walking in my +sleep, a practice to which I was somewhat addicted; and not seeing why +sleep-walkers should not direct their course to the cupboard as well as +anywhere else, I boldly seized a loaf and commenced an attack upon it.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page100" id="page100"></a>[pg 100]</span> + +<p>"Let us wait and see what she will do," whispered Mammy.</p> + +<p>"It is very evident what she will do, now that she has the loaf in her +hands," replied Jane in a sleepy tone. "I do not believe that she is +asleep at all, but just as wide awake as we are. I have read a story +somewhere," she continued, "of a French girl who succeeded in persuading +people that she lived without eating; but at last some one watched the +girl closely, and one night discovered her at the pantry, regaling +herself with cold chicken sufficiently to go without eating for a week. +Now, Miss Amy has eaten neither dinner nor supper, and she may be +imitating the French girl, in order to be made a fuss with. I will speak +to her and see."</p> + +<p>"Not for the world!" exclaimed Mammy in terror, as she grasped the more +enterprising Jane. "Do not touch her—for I have heard of its killing +people to be awakened suddenly while in this state."</p> + +<p>Jane obeyed, although her face still wore an incredulous expression; and +I continued eating, looking as wild as possible all the time. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page101" id="page101"></a>[pg 101]</span> +The nursery-maid began at length to fear that I would put an end to my own +life, if not spoken to; but Mammy still objected—murmuring as she +watched my voracious performances; "Poor child! how hungry she must have +been to come down and eat in her sleep! I wonder why she refused her +tea?"</p> + +<p>After a while, however, I became more sleepy than hungry; and Mammy and +Jane kindly conveyed me back to my little bed, where I slept soundly +till morning. I was not destined to reap much glory from this +escapade—not even the glory of being a sleep-walker; for Jane, looking +me steadily in the face, said: "Now, Miss Amy, I wish you to tell me +truly whether you were asleep last night, when you went down into the +pantry and devoured almost a whole loaf of bread! Now be a good girl, +and tell the truth, for you frightened us very much."</p> + +<p>At first I pretended stupidity, and inquired, "what pantry?" and "what +bread?" but Jane soon discovered that I knew very well; and while she +looked at me so searchingly I could not possibly frame a plausible +story—so, from +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page102" id="page102"></a>[pg 102]</span> +sheer necessity, I told the whole truth, "and nothing +but the truth." My curious attempt at getting thin excited great +amusement; but Mammy told me that she knew of a better way than that, +which was to run up and down stairs as much as possible. I followed her +advice until I became tired of it; and during that period I was +universally acknowledged to be the most obliging child in the house, for +I was quite indefatigable in running on other people's errands. I became +discouraged, though, when I found that I remained as fat as ever; and +began tasking my brain for some other expedient.</p> + +<p>I had gone to Ellen Tracy's to enjoy a holiday; and, quite mad with +spirits, we roamed hither and thither, scarcely knowing what to do with +ourselves. At length Ellen proposed that we should go to "the boys' +room," and go we accordingly did. We would have recognized it as the +sanctum of two or three noisy urchins of the male gender, even had we +not known it beforehand. On the dressing-table stood a top, half-a-dozen +marbles, and a fishing-line; while the walls displayed various quaint +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page103" id="page103"></a>[pg 103]</span> +devices of their own drawing. There was a something which, Ellen +informed us, was intended for a ghost; but if so, he had a most undue +proportion of flesh on his bones, and looked far more like a giant. We +concluded to equip ourselves in male attire, for the sake of +variety—being heartily tired of frocks and petticoats; and Ellen's +pretty curls having been tucked up under a round cap, she looked so +fascinating that I felt quite ambitious to rival her—but in attempting +to draw on one of Charles' jackets, I found that it would not meet round +my waist. Oh, mortification unspeakable! to find myself larger around +the waist than a boy a whole year my senior! I could scarcely refrain +from bursting into tears; forgetting that I belonged to the dumpling +order, while Charles was as slender and straight as a young birch tree. +My pleasure for that day was gone; in vain Ellen displayed her whole +stock of worldly possessions to tempt my admiration. I scarcely bestowed +a look on anything, and returned home perfectly miserable.</p> + +<p>For days I kept my ears wide open in hopes +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page104" id="page104"></a>[pg 104]</span> +of catching something that +might relieve my distress, and at length I met with some success. I +overheard a visitor telling my mother of some young lady, whose figure +they had been admiring, that she was nothing at all without her +corsets—a complete dumpling; and then followed a long digression on the +impropriety of imposing upon the public in this manner; but for that I +did not care—I determined to impose upon them too, as soon as I got a +chance. Soon after, a school-mate encased me in a remarkably tight pair, +during an afternoon's visit; and having, as she said, 'made me look +quite genteel,' I departed for home with the delightful consciousness of +being 'something of a figure.' Before bed-time I had a romp in the +garden with my wild brother and Charles Tracy; I experienced a feeling +of suffocation, while running through the paths, that became quite +insupportable.</p> + +<p>"Why Amy!" exclaimed Charles as he grasped my arm, "What <i>is</i> the +matter? you look quite black in the face!" They all gathered around me, +but unable to speak, I sank +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page105" id="page105"></a>[pg 105]</span> +back into Charles Tracy's arms, and lost +all consciousness.</p> + +<p>When I recovered, I found myself lying on my own little bed, with my +mother bending fondly over me—the cause of all this trouble on a chair +at my side—and Mammy, dear, good Mammy! regarding me with a puzzled +look of surprise.</p> + +<p>"Why, she actually fainted!" whispered Jane, "just dead away, like any +grown person!"</p> + +<p>"No," replied Mammy, "the child was dreadfully squeezed, and that took +away her breath. She'll kill herself next, with some of her capers!"</p> + +<p>Mamma now made a sign for them to be quiet, and stooping down close to +my face, asked me how I felt. I tried to answer, "better;" but the words +almost choked me, and I still experienced a difficulty in breathing. The +evil consequences of this attempt at the graceful were but temporary, +however; and the next morning, as I sat up quite recovered, a discussion +took place between mamma and the old +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page106" id="page106"></a>[pg 106]</span> +nurse on the propriety of +equipping me at once in corsets to improve my figure. I soon experienced +the delight of possessing a pair of my own; on which memorable occasion, +I resolved that, like the old woman, I would "neither borrow nor lend;" +but the present was conditional—on the first instance of my lacing too +tight it was to be taken from me. I took care that this should never +happen—that is, to such a degree as to expose myself to punishment; but +in many a scene of enjoyment did I suffer the consequences of my foolish +vanity. Often while music, and dancing, and everything contributed to +render a children's party delightful, I sat apart in a corner, or else +went languidly through the figures of the dance, while every nerve +throbbed with acute pain.</p> + +<p>Ellen and I had for sometime noticed that Charles and Henry were more +together than ever. They seldom associated with us now, or asked us to +join them; Henry proved faithless with respect to a table he had +promised my doll, and Charles refused, for the present, to dig his +sister's garden spot; therefore we put +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page107" id="page107"></a>[pg 107]</span> +our two wise heads together and +concluded that this must mean something. The moment school was out, the +cap was hastily snatched from its nail in the entry, and they both +sallied forth together—where, or for what purpose, we tried in vain to +discover. On Saturdays they were constantly at work in the barn, +hammering, and cutting, and shaving; and one day we detected them +making, over a fire which they had built on bricks in the open air, +something which smelt very much like molasses candy. But upon Ellen's +venturing to communicate this to Charles, he answered contemptuously +that "it was just like girls!--always fancying that everything was +something eatable!"</p> + +<p>The two made a journey to town together, and came back laden with sundry +parcels; and notwithstanding all this business, Henry found time to be +very industrious in weeding the flower-beds, for which my father paid +him so much an hour—and I noticed that he was uncommonly punctual in +presenting his bills. Without being very penetrating, we discovered +that the scheme, whatever it might be, was one that required a great +deal of time, a great +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page108" id="page108"></a>[pg 108]</span> +deal of shopping, and a great deal of money. We +racked our brains in vain, and not a single mite of information could we +extract from the boys; indeed, we might just as well have attacked two +pine boards, for they pretended to be deaf as soon as we commenced our +inquiries. Ellen began to be afraid that they meditated living on some +wild island, like Robinson Crusoe, for she had seen Charles privately +appropriate a hatchet, and a ball of twine; and I inclined to the +opinion that they were both going to sea, and represented to Ellen how +delightful it would be to have them making voyages and bringing us +shells, and corals, and all sorts of curious things. But I was the +greatest philosopher of the two, for my more timid playmate cried +bitterly at the idea; and it was sometime before I could succeed in +pacifying her.</p> + +<p>We one day discovered the boys in an old barn on the premises; and +waiting patiently near by until we saw them depart on some errand to the +house, we perceived, to our great joy that the door was unfastened; and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page109" id="page109"></a>[pg 109]</span> +effecting a hasty entrance, we expected to be almost as well rewarded +for our trouble as was Blue-beard's wife on entering the forbidden +chamber. But nothing could we see except a few old boxes turned upside +down, and along one side a neat row of shelves. We perceived indeed that +the small window now contained four panes of glass, and we also +discovered two or three little shelves there. But here our discoveries +ended; there was nothing to account for all the labor and privacy that +had been going on for the last two or three weeks,—and quite in +despair, we returned to the house before the boys discovered our prying.</p> + +<p>Things continued in this state for sometime longer; and finding that all +our efforts at discovery were not rewarded with the slightest success, +we assumed an appearance of proud indifference, and pretended to be as +much occupied with our dolls and baby-houses as they were with their +barn. Now and then one of the boys, in the tantalizing spirit of +mischief, would thrust a parcel under our very eyes, exclaiming at the +same time: "Wouldn't you like to see the inside, though? Confess, now, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page110" id="page110"></a>[pg 110]</span> +that you would give your very ears to know what's in it!"</p> + +<p>"Indeed, and we would not!" in great indignation, "not we! We supposed +that it was some boys' nonsense not worth talking about, and were quite +occupied with our own affairs, without troubling ourselves about them."</p> + +<p>In a tone that sounded very much as though he were in earnest, Charles +would continue: "Suppose, Henry, that we let them know what it is, if +they promise not to tell—shall we?"</p> + +<p>"By no means," Henry would reply, with the air of a Socrates, "Women can +never keep a secret—I have heard my father say so."</p> + +<p>"We were sure we didn't want to hear their secrets!" and indignantly +clipping away with our scissors, we turned a deaf ear to all further +remarks. However, the secret did come to light after a while, and in a +most unexpected manner.</p> + +<p>We had just received a liberal allowance of pocket-money, and while +Ellen and I deliberated on the various ways in which it might be spent +to advantage, Henry asked us, with a +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page111" id="page111"></a>[pg 111]</span> +perfectly grave face, if we had +heard of the new store lately opened near us? <i>New</i> store! Why there had +never been any store at all, except the little stand kept by old Betty +Tweednor, and now Henry spoke of the new store as though such a thing +had ever existed. Certainly we had not heard of it; but resolving to +remain no longer in ignorance, we seized our bonnets, and were ready to +start in a moment. Henry looked very knowing and mysterious; but +following his guidance, we soon found ourselves at the barn which had +before excited our curiosity. Why, it had been turned into a regular +shop! Rows of candies, better known among children as "barber's-poles," +looked imposingly out of the window, and these were flanked by piles of +pea-nuts, apples, etc. But all these would have been nothing without that +delight of childhood—taffy-candy; and upon a further investigation, we +discovered a very ingenious pair of clam-shell scales, with holes bored +for strings to pass through, and suspended from a stout stick which was +kept in its place by being fastened to an upright piece of wood at each +end—the whole resting upon +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page112" id="page112"></a>[pg 112]</span> +a very complete counter formed of old +boxes. It looked exactly like a real store; and behind the counter stood +Charles, as demure as possible,—while crowds of our schoolmates gazed, +admired, and wondered.</p> + +<p>A sign near the door informed passers that "the proprietors, grateful +for past favors and the patronage of a liberal public, would continue +the business under the firm of Chesbury and Tracy." It would be a +somewhat difficult task, we thought, to discover the favors and +patronage alluded to; but the young merchants had concluded that this +clause gave a dignity and air of reality to the whole. We experienced +the pleasure of making purchases, weighed out to us from the much +admired clam-shell scales, and were very particular in exacting full +weight. Each sale was recorded in a small account book; and long after +we had grown to the years of discretion, our mirth was excited by +accidentally meeting with this juvenile record. So many purchases were +made that afternoon, that the young storekeepers perceived with dismay +the very visible decrease in their supplies. We accused them of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page113" id="page113"></a>[pg 113]</span> +retrenching considerably in their quantities, on this discovery, and +thought that they were too inexperienced for so weighty an office.</p> + +<p>Ellen and I often added to their stores by little pies and cakes which +we manufactured at home; and in process of time their articles embraced +such a variety that the shop became quite celebrated. Even mamma would +sometimes come to make purchases; and the boy-merchants found their +scheme a very profitable one. But alas! it vanished with the last summer +breath; the early snows surrounded their little store, and all access +became inconvenient. So they had a sale at prime cost—and we then +obtained most wonderful bargains in the confectionary line. Finding +himself quite wealthy now, Charles could well afford to be generous; and +presented me with a new doll, and his sister Ellen with a miniature set +of cups and saucers, over which we had many happy tea-drinkings. We +received no presents from Henry, and heard nothing of his money; and it +was not till some time after, and then through another source, that we +learned that his portion had materially helped to keep a +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page114" id="page114"></a>[pg 114]</span> +poor woman +from freezing during the winter. My father often remarked of Henry, that +"he was too generous and self-forgetful ever to be rich;" but there is +no doubt that such have their reward—in their own consciences at least.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page115" id="page115"></a>[pg 115]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_IX"></a><h2>CHAPTER IX.</h2> + +<p>The winter wore rapidly away with sleigh-riding, snow-balling, and our +usual parties; and spring, lovely spring! again made its appearance. Our +flower-garden looked its very loveliest at this season; for it boasted +countless stores of hyacinths, tulips, daffodils, blue-bells, violets, +crocuses, etc. I remember so well when we first noticed the little green +sprouts shooting up in spots from which the snow had melted; and on +making this discovery, we always danced into the house and shouted out: +"Spring has come!" It gladdened our very hearts to find the first little +violet that dared to show its head above the ground; and then we ran to +the peach-trees to look at the delicate pink buds that shot forth so +curiously without +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page116" id="page116"></a>[pg 116]</span> +any leaves. There was a warm sweet breath abroad upon +the air that tossed our hair about, and fanned our flushed cheeks, and +we knew that it was spring, sweet spring! that had come again to us. Oh, +how delightful it was when, escaped from all watchful eyes, I could +throw aside the troublesome sun-bonnet, that so obstructed my sight, and +dig and delve at pleasure! Never in all my life have I been so happy as +in these delightful spring days, when I roved about the paths with a +heart full of happiness, and a sensation of thankfulness for the +blessings I enjoyed.</p> + +<p>Two circumstances contributed materially to immortalize this particular +spring in my recollections: I then completed my tenth year, which I +thought left me on the very threshold of womanhood, and we had two pet +squirrels, who inhabited the locust trees in front of the house, with a +tin cage to retire to at night—one of whom we called "blackey," and the +other "browney," from their different colors.</p> + +<p>"Blackey" was extremely mischievous, and rarely could be caught; but +"browney" seemed a perfect paragon of gentleness and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page117" id="page117"></a>[pg 117]</span> +goodness—and I +would seat myself on the steps, holding him for hours, and listening to +the monotonous hum of the locusts, which always filled my heart with a +sense of quiet happiness. Did you never sit watching the glorious +sunbeams, as they fell on the soft, fresh grass, and with this low, +soothing hum in your ears, feel that the earth was very beautiful? I +have; but then I was a dreamer—an unmistakable, enthusiastic dreamer, +and my fancies would, perhaps, be laughed at by the wise ones of earth.</p> + +<p>To return to "browney;" my love cooled for him very suddenly one +morning, as, with my finger in close proximity to his mouth, I sat and +apostrophized him thus, "You dear, little angel, you! I love you +dearly!" a sudden closing of sharp little teeth on my poor fingers put +an end to my rhapsodies; and the "little angel" was most unceremoniously +dropped on the ground, from whence he made his escape to his usual home, +the locust tree—and I never again sought to entice him from his +retreat. I ran about the walks as usual this spring, but it was with +languor and indifference that I +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page118" id="page118"></a>[pg 118]</span> +visited our usual haunts; and I +wondered what it was that made my steps so very slow and dragging—it +seemed as though a weight were tied on each heel. If I attempted a race +with the boys, I was obliged to give up from very weariness; and +laughing at what they termed my laziness, they pursued their amusements +without me. Charles Tracy would now and then bring me a bunch of wild +flowers; and to the surprise of all, I preferred sitting with them in my +hands to joining in my usual noisy games. I grew pale and thin; and +Mammy and Jane began to express their uneasiness about me, while I often +noticed my mother's eyes fixed upon me in tender solicitude.</p> + +<p>I went to bed one night feeling restless and feverish. It was the latter +part of April, and a small wood-fire still burned on the hearth; on the +embers of which I fixed my eyes steadfastly, until strange shapes and +burning eyes seemed moving about the quiet hearth. I was quite alone; +Mammy had gone out to spend the evening, and Jane was taking her tea in +the kitchen. Had it been for life or death I could not have spoken; I +tried to scream—but +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page119" id="page119"></a>[pg 119]</span> +a hollow sound rattled in my ears—and with the +cold drops gathering on my forehead, I lay still, subdued, in a state of +delirious agony. I was almost senseless; until at length, feeling a +touch upon my arm, and a breathing at my side, I started wildly up, and +eluding all pursuit, fled swiftly down the stair-case. I pressed my hand +tightly on my throbbing head, and gaining the kitchen, burst suddenly +in, exclaiming, "O! Jane! Jane! do not leave me again!" I sunk down +insensible; and remember nothing but a scream of horror which proceeded +from Jane, who, having just seated herself beside me as I sprang out of +bed, had followed me in a state of breathless alarm to the kitchen.</p> + +<p>When I again opened my eyes, it was about midnight. I had been conveyed +to my mother's room, and now experienced the delightful sensation of +finding myself in a high bed, with curtains; while my head was raised up +with pillows to an unusual height. In turning myself to obtain a better +view of the surrounding scenery, I became conscious of a stiffness in my +right arm; and fairly shuddered +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page120" id="page120"></a>[pg 120]</span> +with horror on perceiving a basin of +blood close to my bedside. But worse and worse! a few paces further off +stood a grave-looking man, whom, from his very air, I knew to be a +doctor. Nay, had I been at all doubtful on this point, the addition of a +pair of spectacles would have convinced me at once—as this is an +ornament especially pertaining to M. D.'s. I had always hated, loathed, +dreaded a doctor as I would a nauseous object; and I now trembled to +find myself in his power—fearing that he read my dislike in my face. +Spectacles, too, disconcerted me; the glimmer of the polished glass +seems to add new fire to the eyes beneath; and I now beheld a pair, eyes +and all, levelled directly upon me. I shuddered at the very idea of a +doctor, and could never sit still in the room with one; and now there +stood that horrid man, evidently regarding me as his victim, while I +felt too weak and sick to make the least resistance.</p> + +<p>My aversion probably arose from the circumstance of once having had a +loose front tooth pulled out—one that was just ready to jump out +itself; which operation, I felt +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page121" id="page121"></a>[pg 121]</span> +convinced, had left my system in a very +shattered state. Often since did I torture myself for hours by mounting +up on a table before the glass, and with a string tied around a loosened +tooth, give it a little cowardly pull at intervals—lacking sufficient +courage to rid myself of my trouble at once. I have sometimes sat in +this interesting position for a whole morning; and should probably have +continued it through the afternoon had not Fred, or Henry, perceiving my +employment, come slyly behind me and caused me to start suddenly, which +always dislodged the troublesome tooth.</p> + +<p>My eyes rested a moment on the doctor, and then glanced off to seek some +more agreeable object, and having found mamma, she seemed like a lovely +angel in comparison with the ogre who, I felt convinced, only waited his +opportunity to put an end to my life. Mamma came close to me, and +observing my gaze still bent upon the basin, she whispered softly: "Do +not look so frightened, Amy, you have only been bled—that is all, +believe me."</p> + +<p><i>All</i>! After this announcement I wondered that I breathed at all; and +had I not been too +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page122" id="page122"></a>[pg 122]</span> +weak should certainly have cried over the thoughts +of the pain I must have suffered in my insensibility. I made no reply, +but leaned my head droopingly upon the pillow; and Dr. Irwin, taking my +hand, observed: "She is very weak, and we may expect delirium before +morning."</p> + +<p>His first assertion received the lie direct in the strength with which I +pushed him off, as I would the touch of a viper; and clinging to mamma, +I cried: "Take him away, dear mother! Take him away!--Do not let him +come near us!"</p> + +<p>"What?" exclaimed the doctor good-humoredly, "are you afraid of me, my +little lady? Do I look so very frightful?"</p> + +<p>I was quite surprised at his pleasant tone, and on a nearer survey of +his features, felt my passion considerably cooled; but those odious +spectacles spoiled all. I remember soon after being raised up, while +some one held a cup to my lips, but whether the draught were good or bad +I was unable to determine. Dr. Irwin now took my mother aside, and +whispered something in a low tone, as he placed a small +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page123" id="page123"></a>[pg 123]</span> +packet in her +hands. I heard my mother say: "I am afraid she will never take it, +doctor," to which he replied: "But she <i>must</i> take it, madam—we cannot +consider a child's humors in the scale with her life." I now felt +assured that some nauseous compound was being prepared for me; which I +firmly resolved to fling in the doctor's face, should he dare to +approach me with it. I was a perfect fury when roused; and this fancied +cruelty excited my strongest passions.</p> + +<p>But Dr. Irwin wisely took himself off; and the next morning poor mamma +received half the mixture on her dress, while the other half found a +resting place on the floor—a few drops only having slipped down my +throat; while one of the servants heard my screams at the end of the +village, and the next door neighbor, prompted by humanity, sent to +inquire the name of the murdered party. The next dose was more +successful; mamma having spread out before my eyes all her possessions +which she thought likely to tempt me, I received permission to make a +choice, on condition of swallowing a spoonful of calomel jalap. I +further displayed my gentleness by biting Dr. Irwin's +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page124" id="page124"></a>[pg 124]</span> +fingers when he +attempted to look at my throat, and the good man evidently regarded me +as a pretty refractory patient.</p> + +<p>I always had a great horror of being sick—that is, a real, regular fit +of sickness, where you are perched up in bed, and have to do as other +people please, and have only just what covering they please—when you +are not suffered to put an arm out, or toss off a quilt that almost +smothers you, or drink a drop of cold water. Once in a while, I thought, +to be just sufficiently sick to sit in the easy chair and look over +mother's pretty things, or daub with her color-box, while people brought +me oranges and waited upon me, did very well. I was not a gentle, timid, +feminine sort of a child, as I have said before—one who would faint at +the prick of a pin, or weep showers of tears for a slight headache; I +was a complete little hoyden, full of life and spirits, to whom the idea +of being in bed in the day-time was extremely disagreeable—and when I +had been "awful," according to the nursery phraseology, the greatest +punishment that could be inflicted upon me was to send me thither to +enjoy the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page125" id="page125"></a>[pg 125]</span> +charms of solitude. I was a female edition of my brother +Fred; not quite so prone to tricks and mischief, perhaps—but almost as +wild and unmanageable.</p> + +<p>Now and then Fred would come down in the morning pale, sick, and +subdued-looking; his head tightly bound with a handkerchief, and his +whole countenance expressive of suffering. A sick headache was the only +thing that could tame him; and a smile of ineffable relief sat on the +faces of the others as they glanced at his woe-begone visage. He was as +secure for that day as though chained hand and foot. My quiet hours were +when some fascinating book engrossed my whole attention; I drank in each +word, and could neither see nor hear anything around.</p> + +<p>But here I was, really sick and quiet, ill in bed for a whole +month—day-time and all; and oh! the nauseous doses that somehow slipped +down my unwilling throat! Sometimes I would lie and watch the others +moving around and doing as they chose, and then, feeling galled by my +own sense of dependence and inefficiency, the warm blood would glow +quickly as before, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page126" id="page126"></a>[pg 126]</span> +and springing hastily up, I determined to throw off +this weary feeling of lassitude. But it was of no use; all I could do +was to sink back exhausted, and "bide my time."</p> + +<p>When the first stage of my illness was passed, poor mamma, completely +worn out, would often leave me to the care of Mammy or Jane; with +numerous directions to see that I took whatever had been left for me by +Doctor Irwin. I always liked to have Jane with me, for I <i>loved</i> her; +and the medicine never seemed to taste so bad when she gave it to me. +She had various ways of smoothing this disagreeable duty; and one night +when I had been rather obstreperous, she cut a pill in two and took +half, by way of keeping me company; saying as she swallowed it that +"perhaps it might do her some good." When I became well enough to leave +my bed I sat in a nice easy-chair drawn close up to the window, from +whence I could see the early flowers that were now blooming in full +beauty in the garden below, while some amusing book rested on my lap. I +remember that they brought me the very first strawberries that ripened; +and the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page127" id="page127"></a>[pg 127]</span> +neighbors were so kind that many a well-relished delicacy was +sent in "for Mrs. Chesbury's sick child."</p> + +<p>I was just able to run about, but still looking very pale and thin, when +Aunt Henshaw arrived on a visit. "What!" exclaimed she, "can this be the +madcap, Amy? Why, you look like a ghost, child! What in the world have +you been doing to yourself—studying too hard?"</p> + +<p>The old lady possessed no great powers of penetration, and not being +sufficiently discerning to distinguish between the love of reading and +the love of study, she concluded, from seeing me often with a book in my +hand, that I was quite a studious character. Aunt Henshaw remained a +week or two; and though not exactly sick, I remained thin and drooping, +and seemed to get no stronger as the season advanced. The state of my +health was canvassed over and over again in the family circle; and one +day, when they were all gazing upon me with anxious solicitude, and +remarking upon my pale cheeks, Aunt Henshaw observed: "She needs a +change of air, poor child! She must go home with me."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page128" id="page128"></a>[pg 128]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_X"></a><h2>CHAPTER X.</h2> + +<p>I was quite surprised at the effect which this remark produced. Although +an only daughter, I had never been much caressed at home—I was always +so troublesome that they loved me best at a distance. If I happened to +get into the library with my father, I was sure to upset the inkstand, +or shake the table where he sat writing—or if admitted to my mother's +apartment, I made sad havoc with her work-basket, and was very apt to +clip up cut out articles with my little scissors—which said scissors I +regarded with the greatest affection; in the first place because they +were my own private property, and in the next place, they afforded me +the delightful pleasure of clipping—that great enjoyment of childhood; +but they +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page129" id="page129"></a>[pg 129]</span> +did so much mischief that complaints against them were loud +and long, and I quite trembled at an oft-repeated threat of taking them +away.</p> + +<p>My mother evidently disapproved of Aunt Henshaw's proposal, and my +father drawing me towards him affectionately, said: "I am afraid we +could not part with our little madcap—we should miss her noise sadly."</p> + +<p>The idea of being missed, and actually made a subject of argument, was +something quite new to me; and glancing in surprise from one to the +other, I awaited the issue in silence, scarcely knowing whether I wished +to go or stay. But Aunt Henshaw carried her point. She represented so +many advantages to be gained by the change, where I could run about +quite wild, rolling among the fresh hay, and breathing the pure +air—insisting that it must bring a color into my pale cheeks—that my +parents at length yielded.</p> + +<p>Now began the delightful bustle of preparation. My mother turned over my +scanty wardrobe with perplexed looks; and an immediate cutting and +clipping took place, by which old gowns of hers were made into bran new +ones +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page130" id="page130"></a>[pg 130]</span> +for me. Nor was this all—some were bought on purpose for me; and +I had two or three delightful jaunts to the city, to choose the patterns +for myself; and I wondered if anybody ever had so many, new things at +once as I was about to have. I became quite a wonder in the family—a +person whose movements were of the utmost importance; for I was going to +be away from them the whole summer, and it seemed an almost endless +separation. Mammy was not at all pleased at their sending her child away +from her; the old nurse even cried over me, and insisted upon it that I +had always been a paragon of excellence, and that she could not live +without me. My father gave me some money to buy her a present, the +selection of which was to be left entirely to my own taste; and the sum +I expended in a manner perfectly characteristic: I procured a large +bunch of gay beads for Mammy, and presented Jane with the wonderful +history of little Red Riding Hood. Both treasured them as carefully, and +apparently valued them as highly, as if they had been better selected; +and being quite confident that they would +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page131" id="page131"></a>[pg 131]</span> +prefer them to anything else, +I was much surprised at the disapprobation expressed in the family +circle.</p> + +<p>I gave Henry a little pincushion, which I made on purpose for him, and +not knowing what to present Fred with, I allowed him to rip open my +second-best doll, which was still in quite a good state of preservation. +Fred had always possessed an inquiring mind, and an inclination to +inspect the contents of everything, in consequence of which my +possessions often suffered—and this employment now afforded him the +most intense satisfaction; while I, with a certain feeling of curiosity, +and yet scarcely able to repress an effort for the rescue of poor dolly, +stood watching the proceeding. Nothing appeared, however, but saw-dust; +although Fred had positively assured me that he had no doubt we would +find a diamond ring, or a piece of money, at least—as people often did +where they least expected it; and it was partly this consideration that +led me to consent to the dissection, for we had made an agreement to +divide the spoils.</p> + +<p>Fred's head was always filled with wonderful +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page132" id="page132"></a>[pg 132]</span> +schemes of this nature, +and if he had not been so lazy and fond of mischief he would have made a +smart boy; for he was always reading books containing wonderful +researches into the productions of former centuries; and being +particularly interested in the study of minerals and different species +of rock, he often endeavored to explain to me the various forms of +strata which were found below the earth; but my comprehension could not +take it in. He was continually poring over fossil remains, and digging +in the garden for something curious. He one day ran in with his apron +full of stones and other rubbish, and holding up in triumph an object of +various hues, through which a slight blue shade was distinctly visible, +he called out eagerly: "See, mother! I have really found some fossil +remains at last!"</p> + +<p>Mamma took the admired treasure in her hand, as Fred desired; and as she +did so, a smile that had hovered about her mouth grew deeper and deeper; +and finally her amusement burst forth in a hearty laugh. Fred seized his +prize indignantly, and after washing it with the greatest +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page133" id="page133"></a>[pg 133]</span> +care, found +himself in possession of the spout of an old crockery tea-pot. We heard +no more of fossil remains after that; though he still pursued his +researches privately—having, I believe transferred his expectations +from fossil remains to golden treasures. He was hardly more successful +in this line, as he never found anything to reward his toil except a +solitary five-pence, that he mistook for a gold piece, and which +required more rubbing and scouring to make it distinguishable than it +was worth. Having sacrificed my doll on the shrine of sisterly +affection, not to mention the dross of private interest, I concluded +that I had done as much for Fred as he had any right to expect; and +employed myself in arranging sugar-plums in various attractive forms, as +farewell presents to my younger brothers.</p> + +<p>The eventful morning arrived on which I was to take my departure. It was +my first absence from home for any length of time, and I had scarcely +been able to sleep at all during the night—my mind being occupied with +the one all-engrossing thought. I scarcely dared to listen at first, for +fear I should hear it rain; +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page134" id="page134"></a>[pg 134]</span> +but the sun shone brightly in all the glory +of a clear June morning, and springing out of bed, I dressed myself as +expeditiously as possible, for fear that Aunt Henshaw might go off +without me. "What then was my surprise, when after breakfast I saw the +old lady sit down as usual, and after carefully wiping her spectacles, +take up a book she had been perusing, just as if the greatest event of +my life were not about to occur that very day?</p> + +<p>"Why, Aunt Henshaw!" said I in a tone of acute disappointment, "Are we +not going to-day?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly, my dear," was her reply, "But the stage coach will not be +here till two o'clock, and I have all my things ready."</p> + +<p>What could I possibly do with the six intervening hours? I too had all +my things ready; and my spirits were now in a state that absolutely +required excitement of some kind or other. I tried to read, but it was +impossible to fix my thoughts on the subject—even the Arabian Nights +failed to interest me; and after wondering for some time at Aunt +Henshaw, who could view the near prospect of a +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page135" id="page135"></a>[pg 135]</span> +journey that would +occupy two or three days with the most perfect composure, I proceeded to +my mother's apartment. I had not been there long before I got up a cry, +and felt more doubtful than ever whether I wished to go. But mamma +talked with me for some time; and having clearly ascertained that it was +my parents' wish that I should go, in hopes of benefiting my health by +the change, I comforted myself with the idea of martyrdom on a small +scale.</p> + +<p>I put my doll to board with Ellen Tracy until my return, at a charge of +so many sugar-plums a week; with strict injunctions not to pull its arms +or legs out of order, or attempt to curl its hair. I could not eat a +mouthful of dinner, but Aunt Henshaw stowed away some cake for me in a +corner of her capacious bag; a proceeding which then rather amused me, +but for which I was afterwards exceedingly thankful. The time seemed +almost interminable; I threw out various hints on the value of +expedition, the misery of being behindhand, and the doubtful punctuality +of stage-coaches—but Aunt Henshaw remained immovable.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page136" id="page136"></a>[pg 136]</span> + +<p>"As to its coming before the appointed time," said she, "I never heard +of such a thing. It is much more likely to leave us altogether."</p> + +<p>Dreadful idea! Suppose it should! I stood flattening my nose against the +window-pane in hopes of spying the welcome vehicle; but it did not even +glimmer in the far distance. Full half an hour before the time, I was +equipped in the wrappers which my invalid state required, impatiently +awaiting the expected clatter of wheels. At length it rolled rapidly up +to the door; a shabby-looking vehicle, drawn by four horses—and a +perfect wilderness of heads and eyes looked forth from the windows, +while legs and arms dangled from the top. It was quite full; and several +voices called out, "They can't come in, driver! It's impossible!"</p> + +<p>What a blank fell upon my hopes at these cruel words! The people looked +so savage and unpitying, and I thought that after all we must stay at +home—there seemed no crevice of space into which we could force +ourselves; and in silent consternation I surveyed Aunt Henshaw's +substantial proportions. But she +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page137" id="page137"></a>[pg 137]</span> +was an experienced traveller; and +making her adieus with a degree of composure and certainty that quite +reassured me, she took me by the hand and advanced to the stage as +smilingly as though they had all invited her to enter. The driver's +eagle eye spied out a seat for Aunt Henshaw—a kind-looking old +gentleman took me on his lap—the door was closed, and away we rattled. +Aunt Henshaw, never much given to silence, found a congenial companion +in the gentleman who had given me a seat; they were soon engaged in an +animated conversation on the pleasures of farming, during which I went +to sleep—nor was I aroused until about two hours after, when we found +ourselves landed at the wharf. We went on board the packet, and +proceeded to the cabin, where I was surprised, amused, and rather +frightened at the appearance of the narrow-looking boxes which we were +destined to sleep in. But Aunt Henshaw assured me that there was no +danger; and I found from experience that I could sleep almost as well +there as in my own bed at home.</p> + +<p>The wind was unfavorable, and we were +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page138" id="page138"></a>[pg 138]</span> +almost a week on the water; but +at length we reached New London and proceeded to Waterford. Aunt +Henshaw's family, I knew, consisted only of a daughter—her sons having +married and settled away from her—and to the meeting with this cousin +Statia, I looked forward with some anxiety. It was almost dark when we +approached the house; a real farmhouse, with lilac and syringa bushes in +front, and a honeysuckle running over the piazza. A little dog came out +and barked at us—a sensible-looking cat rested on the porch—and in the +door-way stood Cousin Statia. She kissed me affectionately, and appeared +glad to see her mother; and we were all soon seated around the table, +where fresh cottage-cheese, crimson radishes, and warm tea-cakes looked +invitingly forth.</p> + +<p>I was rather disappointed in the appearance of Cousin Statia; I had +expected to see a fresh, smiling-looking country girl, but I found a +stiff, demure-looking young lady, at whose age I scarcely dared venture +a guess. A little colored girl waited on the table, who evidently +surveyed me with a great deal of interest; for +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page139" id="page139"></a>[pg 139]</span> +I constantly caught the +sharp glances of her little black eyes. She had been christened +Aholibama—a name which she told me was taken out of some story-book, +though I afterwards found that it was in the Bible—but this being too +long an appellation, they had abbreviated it to Holly. During a hasty +glance into the cheerful kitchen, I caught a glimpse of a very +nice-looking colored woman, who, I afterwards found, was Sylvia, the +cook.</p> + +<p>Everything looked very pleasant around, though plain; but I was tired +and sleepy, and at an early hour Cousin Statia conducted me to a small, +neat room in the second story, with white curtains; and after +ascertaining that I could undress myself, she left me for a short time, +promising to come and take the candle. I felt the least bit homesick and +wished very much to see them all; but I was also very much interested in +the novelty of a new scene, and anticipated a great deal of pleasure in +examining the premises. Aunt Henshaw had told me that she believed there +were kittens somewhere around, and I determined to search till I found +them; for a little pet kitten +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page140" id="page140"></a>[pg 140]</span> +appeared to me the sweetest of all +created things.</p> + +<p>In the meantime, I began to experience a very uncomfortable sensation +that quickly swallowed up all other thoughts. Cousin Statia had taken +the candle, but it was a bright, moonlight night, and the beautiful +moonbeams that came dancing in and formed a perfect network upon the +floor, made the room almost as light as day. It was not very warm +weather, but I felt the perspiration pouring down, while I trembled in +every limb. My eyes were fixed with a sort of fascination on the +opposite wall, where the shadow of a figure seemed to pass and repass; +and every time it arrived at a certain point, there was a sort of a kick +up, as though with the feet behind. I looked all around, as soon as I +dared to, but everything was still except the tormenting shadow. I +scarcely breathed, but kept watching the queer figure, till I was almost +ready to faint from cowardice. I tried to reason with myself—and called +to mind how my father had endeavored to banish this weakness; how one +night on being afraid to go into the cellar, he +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page141" id="page141"></a>[pg 141]</span> +had himself gone with +me and examined every corner, to convince me that there was nothing to +fear; and under the impulse of these reflections I sprang out of bed, +determined to investigate the mystery. I went in every part of the room; +I examined the window, the curtains, but nothing was to be seen, while +the figure still continued its movements; and almost sick, I returned to +bed, to lie and watch the shadow. All sorts of queer stories rushed into +my head; I tried to forgot them and think of something else, but it was +impossible. The movement was slow, regular, and punctual.</p> + +<p>At last I could stand it no longer; I rushed to the window, determined +to stay there till the mystery was explained, for I felt convinced that +I should find it there. I directed my eyes piercingly to every part of +the curtains; and at length I perceived that the window had been let +down at the top. I closed it, arranged the curtains differently, and +then, in some trepidation, returned to my shadow. It had disappeared; +and I now understood that the formidable figure was merely a part of the +curtain, which, influenced by the night wind, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page142" id="page142"></a>[pg 142]</span> +swayed to and fro, causing the shadow on the wall.</p> + +<p>I do not think I ever experienced a cowardly feeling afterwards; that +night perfectly satisfied me that superstition was the most unreasonable +torture that could be inflicted on oneself; and I was ever afterwards +celebrated for my bravery. Even my father praised my conduct, and said +that it was pretty well for a girl of ten years, under such +circumstances—at the same time representing to me how much more +reasonable such a course was, than screaming would have been, to rouse +the household for nothing. I went quietly to sleep, and dreamed neither +of goblins nor ghosts, but of a dear little spotted kitten with a blue +ribbon around its neck.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page143" id="page143"></a>[pg 143]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_XI"></a><h2>CHAPTER XI.</h2> +<br></br> + +<p>I did not wake very early the next morning, and when I opened my eyes, I +perceived Cousin Statia standing by my bedside, who had been endeavoring +to waken me. Her manner was rather solemn as she announced that Aunt +Henshaw was waiting for me to commence the morning services. At this +information I felt very much mortified; and springing quickly out of +bed, I was soon dressed and in the breakfast room. Aunt Henshaw sat with +a large Bible open before her; and after kissing me kindly, she read a +chapter, and then offered a short prayer.</p> + +<p>After breakfast, Cousin Statia proceeded to wash up the cups and +saucers, which she always did for fear of their being broken; +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page144" id="page144"></a>[pg 144]</span> +Aunt +Henshaw proceeded to the poultry yard, and I accompanied her. She had a +large tin pan in her hand, filled with moistened Indian meal, with which +she fed the chickens; of which there seemed an endless number, both old +and young. Then we went to the barn-yard, and she showed me a young +calf; but it was an awkward-looking thing, that scampered about without +sense or meaning. But I had not forgotten the kittens, and I asked Aunt +Henshaw where they were. She said that she would look; and going into +the barn, we peered around, in mangers and out-of-the-way places, +without the least success; and we concluded that the old cat must have +hid them up in the mow.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps Holly knows, though," said the old lady, on noticing my +disappointment, "very little escapes her eyes, and we can at least call +her and see."</p> + +<p>Holly was called, but with not much more success than our hunt after the +kittens, so we were obliged to proceed to the kitchen—a wing on the +same floor with the parlor and dining-room. Holly was now visible, +peeling +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page145" id="page145"></a>[pg 145]</span> +apples, and evidently glad to be released from her task, she +professed herself perfectly acquainted with the whereabouts of the +kittens.</p> + +<p>"But can we get them?" asked Aunt Henshaw.</p> + +<p>"Oh yes, Missus," replied Holly, "if you'll only 'tice the old cat +somewhere and shut her up. She'd 'spect suthin' if she saw me, and +there'd be no gittin' rid of her; and if she once ketched us at the +bisness, she'd scratch our very eyes out—cats is always dreadful skeery +about their kittens."</p> + +<p>There was something in this speech which grated on my ear as painfully +ungrammatical; and I resolved, on the first opportunity, to instruct +Holly in the rudiments of grammar. +She remained in the kitchen while Aunt Henshaw, after calling "pussy" in +an affectionate manner, shut the cat up in the dining-room; and our +guide then led the way to the kittens. The garret stairs turned off in +two directions; one led to about four or five steps, beneath which was a +hollow place extending some distance back, where Holly had often seen +the old cat go in and out in a private manner.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page146" id="page146"></a>[pg 146]</span> + +<p>"Now," said she, "you stay here, and I'll jest git the rake and rake +the kittens out for Miss Amy, here."</p> + +<p>"But I am afraid you will hurt them," said Aunt Henshaw.</p> + +<p>"It ain't very likely," replied Holly confidently, "that they're a-going +to be so shaller as to git hurt. They'll squirm over the points of the +rake, and take care of themselves."</p> + +<p>The rake was brought; and five little sprawling kittens, with their eyes +scarcely open, were soon crawling at my feet. "Oh, you dear little +angels!" I exclaimed in ecstasy.</p> + +<p>"Rather black-looking angels," said Aunt Henshaw with a smile.</p> + +<p>I took them up, one after another, and was quite at a loss which to +admire most. There were three black ones, one grey, and one white one +spotted. I rather thought I preferred the white and grey, while Holly +claimed the three black ones. We took them all to the kitchen and placed +a saucer of milk before them, while Holly let out the cat, that she +might see how well we were treating them. She looked around in surprise +at first; but then deliberately +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page147" id="page147"></a>[pg 147]</span> +taking them one by one, she carried +them all off in her mouth, and we saw nothing more of them for some +time.</p> + +<p>I spent the morning in wandering about; and in the afternoon I sat in +the parlor with Cousin Statia, who was knitting as fast as her needles +could fly. I asked her for a book; and after some search, she handed me +the "Pilgrim's Progress," in which I soon became deeply interested, +while Aunt Henshaw took a nap in her chair. Towards evening the old +white horse was harnessed up, and we took a drive; Aunt Henshaw being +determined, as she said, to put some color in my pale cheeks. They +evidently thought a great deal of this old horse, whom they called Joe; +but I mentally compared him with my father's carriage-horses—a +comparison not much to his advantage. Cousin Statia drove, but Joe did +not seem much disposed to go. Every now and then he came to a +stand-still, and I quite wanted to get out and push him along. But they +saw nothing uncommon in his behavior, and even congratulated themselves +upon his being so careful. Aunt Henshaw said that such +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page148" id="page148"></a>[pg 148]</span> +dreadful +accidents had happened in consequence of horses running away with +people, and that Joe's great virtue consisted in his being so perfectly +gentle.</p> + +<p>We did not drive very far, and on our return found that Sylvia had tea +all ready and waiting for us. The old colored woman was quite tasty in +her ideas, and had garnished an immense dish of strawberries with +flowers and leaves, through which the red fruit gleamed most temptingly +forth. After tea, when Cousin Statia had taken up her knitting, and Aunt +Henshaw was seated in her usual chair, I placed a low stool beside her +for myself, and begged for one of her usual stories. She was a very +entertaining old lady, with a great deal of natural wit, and abundant +reminiscences of the times in which she had lived. Nothing delighted us +more than to hear her stories of the Revolution, in many of which she +figured as principal actor; and I now expected a rich treat.</p> + +<p>"Well, I do not know," replied Aunt Henshaw in answer to my question, "I +think I must have told you all."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page149" id="page149"></a>[pg 149]</span> + +<p>This remark, I knew from experience, was the prelude to something even +more interesting than usual, and I waited patiently for her to begin.</p> + +<p>"Did I ever tell you," she continued, "of the time that Statia went to +her Uncle Ben's at night, with no one except her two little brothers?"</p> + +<p>I had never heard the narrative, and eagerly settled myself in the +position of a listener.</p> + +<p>"Statia," said her mother, "you had better tell the story—perhaps you +remember it better than I do."</p> + +<p>"It was a raw November night," she began, "and though it did not exactly +storm, the wind moaned and raged through the trees, blowing the fallen +leaver about in gusts, and making a pleasant fire seem doubly cheerful. +The large hickory logs were roaring and blazing in our huge fireplace +and my father, my mother, my two brothers, and myself were gathered +around the fire. I was the eldest, but I was then only twelve years old; +and yet, I remember always to have felt a great deal of care and +responsibility towards the other +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page150" id="page150"></a>[pg 150]</span> +children I never can forget the night, +for I then experienced my first lesson of self-forgetfulness; and +whenever I speak of it, it seems as of something just passed. As I was +saying, we all sat by the fire, and had just been talking of the +British, who were dreaded and feared by us children as a race of ogres. +The door opened suddenly, and John, one of the hired men, stood before +us, his countenance expressive of some disaster. My father and mother +both rose in apprehension, and demanded the cause of his seeming terror.</p> + +<p>"Why sir," he stammered, "perhaps it ain't after all, anything so very +bad—there may not be any real danger; though it ain't exactly what you +would have chosen. I have just come from the post-office, and they say +that a party of British have landed about four miles below, and will +probably come and take supper with you. I do not believe they will do +anything worse, but it is best to be ready."</p> + +<p>My mother turned very pale, but she did not faint; she was a true +daughter of America, and always tried to repress all outward signs of +weakness. "I can load the guns," said she, "and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page151" id="page151"></a>[pg 151]</span> +attend to the +supper—but what will become of the children? These soldiers may perhaps +be intoxicated, and might set fire to the house."</p> + +<p>"They must be sent away," replied my father; "How long will it be before +the British get here?" he continued.</p> + +<p>"About two hours I should think," was John's reply; "and this being the +first farmhouse they pass, they will probably stop here."</p> + +<p>"Statia," said my father, turning to me, "it is my wish that you take +your brothers and go as quickly as possible to your Uncle Ben's, where +you will be out of danger. I must send you <i>alone</i>, my child, for I can +spare no one to accompany you. But it is not a dark night, and you are +well acquainted with the road. I see no other alternative."</p> + +<p>I trembled in every limb, but I had been brought up with the greatest +deference for my parents' wishes, and should not have dared to dispute +my father's command, even had he told me to do a much harder thing. The +children began to cry, for they were afraid of being murdered on the +road; but my mother succeeded in soothing them; and well bundled +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page152" id="page152"></a>[pg 152]</span> +up, we +received a kiss and blessing from our parents, and started on our dreary +journey. Here was I quite alone, except my two little brothers, who +clung to me as we went along, and cried with terror, with three long +miles before me, and the wind blowing around us with such fury that we +could scarcely keep our feet. My younger brother now complained of the +cold; and resolved to protect them at whatever cost to myself, I took +off my cloak and wrapped it about him. I had only a shawl left; and +wrapping my arms in its thin folds, while the children grasped my skirt, +we proceeded slowly along. It was fortunate for us that the moon shone +brightly, for, even as it was, I was puzzled about the way. But at +length we reached the well-known house, and surprised enough were they +to see us; but when we told them the reason, my uncle immediately +started for my father's house, to render any assistance that might be +required. The night passed, however, without the expected invasion; the +British proceeded in another direction, and our cold, lonely walk might +have been dispensed with. But my +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page153" id="page153"></a>[pg 153]</span> +father called me his brave little +girl, and said that in future he could always trust me—while my mother +pressed us silently to her bosom, and as she kissed us, I felt the warm +tears falling on my face. She too had had her trial on that fearful +night."</p> + +<p>I felt very thankful that my parents had never required such a +disagreeable proof of obedience; for, not possessing the firm principle +of right which characterized Cousin Statia, even as a child, I should +have been very much disposed to resist their authority.</p> + +<p>"Well," said Aunt Henshaw, "that is a story of which Statia may well be +proud, but her telling it has just put me in mind of something else. I +once had a large jar of sour milk standing before the fire, which I was +going to make into cottage-cheese, when one of the servants came +running, in breathless haste, with the news that three British soldiers +were approaching the house. Plunder was generally the object of such +stragglers, and there was quite a large sum of gold lying in a bureau +drawer, which I felt very unwilling to part with. My husband was from +home, so +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page154" id="page154"></a>[pg 154]</span> +seizing the money, I quietly dropped it all in the jar of +milk. I had just finished this exploit when the soldiers entered; and +after eating in a manner that made the children fear they would next be +precipitated down their capacious throats, they began to look about for +plunder. I tried to be as composed as possible, and this, I think, kept +them a little in awe; for they were perfectly civil in words, and did no +damage, except to turn things topsy turvy. They found nothing to suit +them, till spying a very good coat of Mr. Henshaw's, one of them coolly +encased himself in it and they all walked off together." I watched them +from the window, and perceiving that they had left the gate open, I +called out after them: "Be kind enough to shut the gate, will you? I am +afraid the pigs will get in." They stopped a moment, smiled, and then +did as I requested. "Ah, Amy," said my aunt in conclusion, "the +necessity of the times was a school that taught women far more of the +realities of life than they learn now-a-days."</p> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw fell into a long revery; and a pair of eyes, which had been +glimmering +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page155" id="page155"></a>[pg 155]</span> +near the door for some time, suddenly disappeared, and I +heard the retreating footsteps of Holly as she took her way to the +kitchen. The little colored girl always kept her eyes and ears open, and +never lost an opportunity to gain knowledge of any description. A great +deal which she had stealthily learned was communicated to me during my +stay; and I am sorry to say that I was more hurt than benefitted by the +companionship. Aunt Henshaw, though kind, did not appear to me in the +light of a playmate, and Cousin Statia seldom opened her lips—being too +industrious to waste time in talking; so that, for want of more suitable +company, I descended to the kitchen.</p> + +<p>The next morning, having obtained Aunt Henshaw's permission, I went out +to feed the chickens; and having drawn them near the wood-pile, I +confined my favors almost exclusively to a sober-looking hen and five +little chickens. When the pan was empty, I conceived that I had well +earned the right, and putting my hand down softly, I took up a cunning +little thing and hugged it in delight. But +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page156" id="page156"></a>[pg 156]</span> +a terrible flapping of wings +sounded close to my ears—I could scarcely distinguish any thing—and +dropping the chicken, I fell across the chopping-log. The old hen rushed +furiously at me, and kept beating me with her wings; while I, afraid +that my eyes would be pecked out, could do nothing but scream. Some one, +at length, picked me up; and when I ventured to look around, I beheld +Sylvia, who stood beside me, laughing immoderately. Holly soon joined +the company, and even Cousin Statia seemed amused; while Aunt Henshaw +carefully examined my eyes to see that they had sustained no injury.</p> + +<p>"I ought to have told you not to touch the chickens," said the old lady; +"for the hen would even sacrifice her life to protect them."</p> + +<p>But experience is the best teacher, after all—the lessons thus gained, +though more disagreeable, are seldom forgotten; and I never again +meddled with the chickens.</p> + +<p>This seemed destined, though, to be a day of misfortunes, to which the +chicken business was but a slight commencement. The evening was most +lovely, and I accompanied +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page157" id="page157"></a>[pg 157]</span> +Holly, who bad gone to feed the pigs. A fence +separated the pen from the rest of the yard; and on this fence it was +Holly's usual practice to perch herself and watch the motions of her +charges. She looked so comfortable that I determined to follow her +example; and having gained the eminence, I looked around in triumph. But +oh, how sad to tell! but a few moments elapsed ere I found myself +floundering in the mire beneath; while the pigs all rushed towards me as +though I had been thrown there for them to make a supper of. Holly was +quite convulsed with laughter; but my screams now became terrific; and +calling Sylvia, the two extricated me from my unpleasant predicament.</p> + +<p>I was truly a pitiable object, but my white dress was the greatest +sufferer: while the tears that rolled down my cheeks grew blacker and +blacker as they descended. I almost wished myself home again; but +Sylvia, between her paroxyms of laughter, told me "not to cry, and they +would soon make me look as good as new—any how, missus musn't see me in +such a pickle." They fell to scraping and scouring +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page158" id="page158"></a>[pg 158]</span> +with the greatest +zeal, and then placed me before the kitchen fire to dry.</p> + +<p>"How the pigs did run!" said Holly; "'spect, Miss Amy, they mistook you +for a little broder!"</p> + +<p>At this sally Sylvia laughed louder than ever; but perceiving my +distress, she observed, in a kind tone: "Never mind, Miss Amy, we can't +help laughing, you know—and you'll laugh too, when you git out of this +here mess. But we do really feel sorry for you, for you look reel awful; +I only hope old missus won't come in and ketch you."</p> + +<p>But in a few moments the kind face of Aunt Henshaw looked into the scene +of distress which the kitchen had now become, and surprise at my +appearance rendered her almost speechless. But she soon recovered +herself; and under her direction I was immersed in a tub of water, while +my unfortunate clothes were consigned to the same fate. After this +ceremony I was advised to go to bed; and thither I accordingly repaired, +thinking how forlorn it was to fall into the pig-pen on such a beautiful +evening.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page159" id="page159"></a>[pg 159]</span> + +<p>The whole household seemed disposed to bear in mind that unfortunate +occurrence; when about to fall into mischief, Aunt Henshaw would say in +a peculiar tone: "Remember the pig-pen, Amy!" or, when troubling Sylvia, +it would be; "I guess you learned that in the pig-pen, Miss Amy;" and +even Holly took up the burden of the song, till I heartily wished that +she had taken the plunge instead of myself. Before long they all +discovered that I was very prone to such scrapes; I dropped a very nice +hat down the well, which, for fear of its spoiling the water, they spent +a great deal of time in fishing up—I fell from the mow, but fortunately +sustained no injury; and Sylvia one day caught me skimming off the +cream—an amusement which I considered very innocent, but she speedily +undeceived me.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page160" id="page160"></a>[pg 160]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_XII"></a><h2>CHAPTER XII.</h2> + +<p>Two or three weeks passed on very pleasantly, and I began to think it +time to write a letter home. I had made but little progress in the art, +and letter-writing always appeared to me a great undertaking; but Aunt +Henshaw, having one afternoon provided me with pen, ink, and paper, and +elevated me nicely with the large Bible and my "Pilgrim's Progress," I +sat biting the end of my quill, and pondering over some form of +commencement. I had already written "dear mother" at the top; at length +I added after considerable reflection:</p> + +<p>"I am well, and hope that you are the same. It is very pleasant here. No +more at present from</p> + +<p>Your affectionate Daughter,</p> + +<p>AMY."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page161" id="page161"></a>[pg 161]</span> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw pronounced this "very well—what was of it;" and Cousin +Statia smiled, though I could not well why; but her smiles were so few +and far between that they always set me a wondering. The letter was +sealed, however, and enclosed in a larger one of Aunt Henshaw's, who +probably gave a more detailed account of matters and things than I had +given.</p> + +<p>In the meantime, I was fast regaining the blooming, hoyden appearance +most natural to me; and Aunt Henshaw continued to write glowing accounts +of my improvement. In due time my scrawl was answered by a most +affectionate letter from mamma, to which was added a postscript by my +father; and I began to rise wonderfully in my own estimation, in +consequence of having letters addressed entirely to myself. I even +undertook to correct Sylvia for speaking ungrammatically, which made her +very angry; and she took occasion to observe, that she had not lived so +long in the world to be taught grammar by young ladies who fell into +pig-pens. One great source of amusement at Henshaw's, was to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page162" id="page162"></a>[pg 162]</span> +watch +Sylvia making cheeses. Sometimes she allowed me to make small ones, +which I pressed with geranium leaves; but one day, being a little out of +humor, she refused to let me have the rennet unless I could find it.—I +searched through the kitchen and everywhere for it, and spent the whole +morning in looking, till I almost despaired of finding it; but at length +I pushed aside a tub, and there it was. This was one of Sylvia's +peculiarities. She was an excellent servant, and having been a long time +in the family, Aunt Henshaw allowed her to have pretty much her own way. +Sylvia was not wanting in sense, and often, when the old lady thought +she had obtained the better of the dispute, she was, in reality, +yielding to the sagacity of the colored woman. Holly was a sort of +satellite, and evidently quite in awe of her superior; but Sylvia +regarded her as the very quintescence of laziness, and always delighted +to set her at some interminable job. It was much more to Holly's taste +to look after the cows and pigs, and wander about the premises, than to +wash dishes and peel +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page163" id="page163"></a>[pg 163]</span> +potatoes; but she dared not resist the cook's authority.</p> + +<p>One Sunday morning I was left at home, in consequence of not being well, +with strict injunctions not to get into mischief; while Aunt Henshaw, +Cousin Statia, and Sylvia went to church—the superintendence of the +house being placed in Holly's charge. I settled myself by the parlor +window with my "Pilgrim's Progress" and pursued the thread of +Christian's adventures; while I glanced from time to time on the +prospect without, while the hum of the locusts and lowing of the cows +came borne upon my ear like pleasant sounds. I laid down my book to read +a chapter in the Bible, and was enjoying a very pleasant frame of mind +when the tempter came, in the shape of Holly, and beckoned me into the +kitchen.</p> + +<p>Nothing loath, I followed eagerly; and the colored girl proposed that we +should have a small baking. The fire had been carefully put out in the +kitchen, and we concluded to make one on bricks in the yard. After +puffing and blowing with considerable energy, Holly +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page164" id="page164"></a>[pg 164]</span> +kindled a flame; +and we then concluded to mix up some gingerbread, and bake it in +clam-shells As I heard the monotonous hum of the bees, and remarked the +stillness around, while everything seemed to speak of the Sabbath, my +conscience reproached me; and I was several times on the point of +turning back into the parlor, but I lacked sufficient courage to resist +Holly's glowing descriptions of our gingerbread that was to be. The +store-room closet was pretty dark, and Holly was obliged to go by +guess-work in selecting her materials, but all seemed right; and in +triumph we placed several clam-shells of dough on the fire to bake. We +worked very hard to keep up the flames, but the baking progressed +slowly; and we dreaded to hear the sound of wheels that announced the +return of the church-goers. It was done at last, and we sat down to +enjoy the feast. I broke off a piece, and put it in my mouth, expecting +to find a delicious morsel, but it had a very queer taste; and I saw +that Holly was surveying it with an appearance of the greatest +curiosity.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page165" id="page165"></a>[pg 165]</span> + +<p>"What is the matter?" said I, "What have you done to it, Holly?"</p> + +<p>"Well, I guess I've put in lime instead of flour," she replied.</p> + +<p>It was but too true; and just then we heard the sound of wheels, and a +vigorous lifting of the great brass knocker. Holly hurriedly cleared +away all signs of our employment, and then opened the door; while I +returned to my books, convinced that the poorest time to make +gingerbread was on Sunday, and in the dark. But Aunt Henshaw discovered +our proceedings through Sylvia, who complained that some one had dropped +molasses in the lime; which she soon traced to Holly, and I was never +left home again on Sunday, alone.</p> + +<p>"Once," said Aunt Henshaw, when I had, as usual, solicited a story, +"there was a report that the British were about to sack New London. The +city was a scene of hurry and confusion. Carriages were driving hither +and thither, laden with silver plate and other valuables, which the +owners were glad to place in the hands of any respectable-looking +stranger +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page166" id="page166"></a>[pg 166]</span> +they met, for safe-keeping. Several pieces were placed in our +carriage; among others a handsome silver tankard and half-a-dozen +goblets, which were never reclaimed. I have always kept them to this +day."</p> + +<p>She showed me these articles, which were extremely rich and massive, and +the old lady always kept them carefully locked in a capacious +side-board; never taking them out except to look at.</p> + +<p>"Aunt Henshaw, did you ever see a lord?" I inquired.</p> + +<p>"Plenty of them," was her reply, "lords were as thick as blackberries +during the Revolution."</p> + +<p>"How did they look?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Very much like other people—and often pretty distressed."</p> + +<p>I was then surprised at this information, but I have since learned +better; for I have seen the House of Lords in England, and they are, for +the most part, a common, uninteresting-looking assembly.</p> + +<p>"There was a Lord Spencer," continued my aunt, "a very wild young man, +who was +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page167" id="page167"></a>[pg 167]</span> +constantly committing some prank or other—though always +strictly honorable in repairing any damages he occasioned. He once, for +mere sport, shot a fine colt, belonging to an old farmer, as he was +quietly grazing in the field. Even his companions remonstrated with him, +and endeavored to prevent the mischief; but he laid them a wager that he +should not only escape punishment, but that he would even make the old +farmer perfectly satisfied with his conduct. They accepted his bet, and +anxious to see how he would extricate himself, they accompanied him to +the residence of the old farmer.</p> + +<p>"That is a very fine colt of yours," began the young lord, "I should +like to purchase him."</p> + +<p>"He is not for sale," replied the farmer, shortly.</p> + +<p>"I suppose not," rejoined the visitor. "But what would you value him at +in case any accident happened to him through the carelessness of others? +What sum would pay you for it?"</p> + +<p>"A hundred dollars would cover his value," said the farmer, after some +consideration, "but +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page168" id="page168"></a>[pg 168]</span> +has any thing happened to him, that you ask these +questions?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," replied the lord, "I have unfortunately shot him—and here is two +hundred dollars as an equivalent."</p> + +<p>Lord Spencer won his wager, for the farmer had made at least a hundred +dollars, and being extremely fond of money, he could not regret the loss +of his colt. "This is a specimen, Amy, of what lords are; so do not go to +forming any exalted notions of them, as of a superior race of beings. It +was very cruel in Lord Spencer to shoot the poor animal—but it was +honorable in him to make up the farmer's loss, for it doubled the amount +of wages he gained; yet to sum up the proceeding, it was wrong—for +besides killing an inoffensive animal, it did not belong to him."</p> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw seldom failed to point out the right and wrong in her +stories, for she feared that I would be carried away with whatever was +most dazzling, and thus form erroneous impressions. It is an excellent +maxim that "people should be just before they are generous;" and did all +bear this in mind while +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page169" id="page169"></a>[pg 169]</span> +admiring actions that often dazzle with a false +glitter, they would assume a totally different appearance.</p> + +<p>Every few days there was an inundation of different cousins who lived +but a few miles distant; and then there was so much shaking of great +rough hands, as I was presented—so many comments on my appearance, and +comparison of each separate feature with each of my parents—that I grew +almost afraid to look up under the many eyes that were bent upon me to +detect resemblances to the Henshaws, Chesburys, or Farringtons—which +last was my mother's maiden name. I became quite tired of telling people +when I arrived, how long I intended to stay, and how many brothers and +sisters I had. They were all very kind, though, and invited me so +politely to come and see them that I quite wanted to go; and Aunt +Henshaw promised to return their visits very soon, and bring me with +her.</p> + +<p>So one fine day we set forth on a visit to Cousin Ben's—a son of the +identical Uncle Ben to whose house Cousin Statia walked with her two +little brothers, on that cold November +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page170" id="page170"></a>[pg 170]</span> +night. She pointed out the road +as we passed, showed me the very place where she had wrapped her own +cloak around her brother, the spot where they stopped to rub their hands +warm, and a cross-road which they came very near taking. The house was +plain, but pleasantly situated; and as we drove up to the door, Cousin +Ben, his wife, and two or three children about my own age, came out to +meet us. There was very little reserve among these country cousins; and +before long, I was on as good terms with my play-mates as though I had +known them all my life. We raced out into the fields, and feasted on +sugar-pears, which were then just ripe; and I found, to my surprise, +that my female cousins were quite as expert at climbing trees as the +boys. I began to feel deficient in accomplishments; but I was not +sufficiently a hoyden to follow their example, and could only perform +the part of an admiring spectator.</p> + +<p>A very quiet-looking old horse was grazing near by, and my cousins +proposed that we should have a ride. I surveyed the great tall animal +with dismay, and was frightened at +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page171" id="page171"></a>[pg 171]</span> +the idea of being perched on his +back; but the boys lifted me up, and five of us were soon mounted, ready +for a start. It was our intention to proceed in this triumphant manner +to the woods to gather berries; but our proposed conductor evidently +disapproved the projected excursion, for, with a sudden kick-up behind, +he sent us all five rolling on the grass. My white frock was the +sufferer as usual; and scarcely any evil that has befallen me since, +ever affected me more than would the dreaded spot that always appeared +in the most conspicuous place whenever I was dressed up. It was always +the herald of speedy disgrace, either in the shape of being sent +supperless to bed, or deprived of going out next day. Mammy was +particularly severe on such occasions; it was provoking to be sure, +after taking the pains to dress me nicely, to find all her work spoiled +within the next fifteen minutes; but I did think it was not my fault, +and wondered how it always happened. My new companions could not +understand my distress in consequence of this accident; and with +trembling steps I went in to Aunt Henshaw, expecting to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page172" id="page172"></a>[pg 172]</span> +be kept by her +side for the rest of the day, and never brought out again.</p> + +<p>What was my surprise when, after examining the spot, she said, in a tone +which sounded like music in my ears: "Well child, you couldn't help it, +and it is well you were not hurt. After all, white dresses are poor +things for children to play in, and this is only fit for the wash-tub +now. But this is not quite so bad as the pig-pen—eh, Amy?"</p> + +<p>The color mounted quickly into my face at these last words, and gladly +obeying her injunction to "go, play now," I bounded from the room; while +Aunt Henshaw, I suppose, enlightened the company as to the meaning of +her question, and my evident confusion. Oh, if people did but know the +effect of kind words, especially when harshness is expected! I never +enjoyed romping so much in all my life as on that afternoon; Aunt +Henshaw had pronounced my dress "fit only for the wash-tub," and I +thought that before it proceeded thither, it might just as well be a +little more soiled as not. So we rolled about on the grass, climbed over +fences, and rambled through the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page173" id="page173"></a>[pg 173]</span> +woods without fear or restraint. With a +light and happy heart I set out on the journey home, congratulating +myself that I was not then to encounter the eagle eyes of Mammy.</p> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw, though perfectly willing that I should enjoy myself at +play, did not approve of my spending my whole time in idleness; and +under her superintendence, I felt more disposed to work than I ever had +before. With her assistance I completed several articles of dress for a +sister of Sylvia's, who was very poor, and lived in a sort of hovel near +by; and the indefatigable Holly having again discovered the kittens in +some equally out-of-the-way place, I at last, with a great deal of +difficulty, succeeded in manufacturing a warm suit of clothes for the +winter wear of the prettiest one. Having equipped the kitten in its new +habiliments, I carried it to Aunt Henshaw, as quite a triumph of art; +but when I made my appearance, with the two little ears poking out of +the bonnet, and the tail quite visible through a hole in the skirt which +I had cut for it, Cousin Statia actually indulged in a hearty fit of +laughter, while Aunt Henshaw appeared even +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page174" id="page174"></a>[pg 174]</span> +more amused. She told me +that nature had furnished it with a covering quite sufficient to protect +it from the cold; but I thought that it must then be a great deal too +warm in summer, and had just commenced fanning it, when she explained to +me that the fur was a great deal thinner in summer than in winter. This +satisfied me; and releasing the astonished kitten from its numerous +wrappers, I presented them to Holly, and gave up all idea of furnishing +it with a wardrobe.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page175" id="page175"></a>[pg 175]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_XIII"></a><h2>CHAPTER XIII.</h2> +<br></br> + +<p>At Aunt Henshaw's, my passion for rummaging drawers and boxes of +knickknacks was abundantly gratified. The old lady fairly over-flowed +with the milk of human kindness, and allowed me to put her things in +disorder as often as I chose. There was an album quilt, among her +possessions, which I never grew tired of admiring. The pieces were all +of an octagon shape, arranged in little circles of different colors; and +in the centre of each circle was a piece of white muslin, on which was +written in tiny characters the name of the person who had made the +circle, and two lines of poetry. This album quilt was a good many years +old; and had been made by the ladies of the neighborhood, as a tribute +of respect to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page176" id="page176"></a>[pg 176]</span> +Aunt Henshaw, on account of her many acts of bravery and +presence of mind during the trying times of the Revolution.</p> + +<p>The old lady was never weary of describing the grand quilting, which +took place in an old stone barn on the premises; when they all came at +one o'clock, and sitting down to work, scarcely spoke a word until six, +when the quilt was triumphantly pronounced to be completed; and taking +it from the frame, they proceeded to arrange a large table, set out with +strawberries and cream, dough-nuts, chickens, cider, and almost every +incongruous eatable that could be mentioned. Washington was then +President, and after drinking his health in cider, coffee, and tea, +which last was then a very precious commodity, being served in cups +exactly the size of a doll's set, they all in turn related stories or +personal anecdotes of the great General, of whom Aunt Henshaw never +spoke without the greatest reverence and enthusiasm. He died when I was +very young, so that I never saw him; but I have visited his tomb, and +his residence at Mount Vernon, and have also seen portraits of him that +were +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page177" id="page177"></a>[pg 177]</span> +pronounced to be life-like by those who were intimately acquainted +with him.</p> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw had actually entertained La Fayette at her house for a +whole night, and she showed me the very room he slept in; while Cousin +Statia produced an album in which he had written his name. I always +experienced a burning desire to possess some memento of the +distinguished men whose names are woven in the annals of our country; +and seating myself at the table with the album before me, I spent +several hours in trying to copy the illustrious autograph. But all my +efforts were vain; I could produce nothing like it, and was obliged to +return the book to its favored owner.</p> + +<p>I delighted to spell out the album quilt until I knew almost every line +by heart; while the curious medley which these different scraps of +poetry presented reminded me very much of a play, in which one person +repeats a line, to which another must find a rhyme. When Aunt Henshaw +died, which was just about the time that I was grown up, she left the +quilt to me in her will; because, as she said. I had +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page178" id="page178"></a>[pg 178]</span> +always been so +fond of it. I still have it carefully packed away, and regard it as +quite a treasure.</p> + +<p>But very often, during a voyage of discoveries through rooms that were +seldom used, I passed various boxes, and awkward-looking little trunks, +and curious baskets, that struck me as being particularly interesting in +appearance. But Aunt Henshaw always said: "Those are Statia's—we must +not touch them," and passed quickly on, without in the least indulging +my excited curiosity. Whether Cousin Statia kept wild animals, or +mysterious treasures, or old clothes, in all these places, I was unable +to conclude; but I determined to find out if possible. Having one day +accompanied her upstairs, she proceeded to unlock a large trunk which I +had always regarded with longing eyes; and opening them very wide, that +I might take in as much as possible in a hasty survey, what was my +disappointment to see her take out a couple of linen pillow-cases, +nicely ruffled, while at least a dozen or two more remained, together +with a corresponding number of sheets, table-cloths, napkins, etc.! All +of home-made +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page179" id="page179"></a>[pg 179]</span> +manufacture, and seeming to my youthful ideas enough to +last a life-time. What could Cousin Statia possibly do with all these +things? Or what had she put them there for? I knew that Aunt Henshaw +possessed inexhaustible stores, and I could not imagine why Cousin +Statia found it necessary to have her's separate. I pondered the matter +over for two or three days, and then concluded to apply to Holly for +information on the desired point.</p> + +<p>"Why, lor bless you!" said the colored girl in a mysterious manner, +"Didn't you know that Miss Statia has been crossed in love?"</p> + +<p>Holly announced this fact as a sufficiently explanatory one; but I could +not comprehend what connection there was between being crossed in love, +and a large trunk of bran new things.</p> + +<p>"Why, I quite pities your ignorance, Miss Amy! In old times," continued +my informant, as though dwelling on her own particular virtue in this +respect, "in old times people didn't used to be half so lazy as they am +now-a-days, and thought nothing at all of sewing +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page180" id="page180"></a>[pg 180]</span> +their fingers to the +bone, or spinning their nails off, or knittin' forever; and when gals +growed up, and had any thoughts of gittin' married, they set to work and +made hull trunks full of things, and people used to call them spinsters. +Now Miss Statia has been fillin' trunks and baskets ever sense she could +do anything, so that she's got a pretty likely stock—but no one ever +came along this way but what was married already, and that's the meanin' +of bein' crossed in love. But don't for your life go to tellin' +nobody—they'd most chop my head off, if it should come out."</p> + +<p>I asked Holly how she had ascertained the fact; "Oh," she replied, +knowingly, "there ain't much that escapes me. I know pretty much every +article in this house, and hear whatever's goin' on. Key-holes is a +great convenience; and though it ain't very pleasant to be squatin' in +cold entries, and fallin' in the room sometimes, when people open the +door without no warnin', yet I'm often there when they think I'm safe in +the kitchin. Miss Statia once boxed my ears and sent me to bed, when she +happened to ketch me listinin'; but +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page181" id="page181"></a>[pg 181]</span> +it didn't smart much, and people +can't 'spect to gather roses without thistles."</p> + +<p>Holly often interspersed her conversation with various quotations and +wise reflections; but the idea of listening at key-holes quite shocked +my sense of honor, and I endeavored to remonstrate with her upon the +practice.</p> + +<p>"It won't do for you to talk so, Miss Amy," was her sagacious reply; +"you mus'n't quarrel with the ship that carries you safe over. If I had +not listened at key-holes, you'd never have known what was in them +trunks."</p> + +<p>The truth of this remark was quite manifest; and concluding that I was +not exactly suited to the character of admonisher, I never renewed the +attempt.</p> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw had boxes of old letters which she estimated among her +greatest valuables; and sometimes, when the sun was shining brightly +without, and the soft air of summer waving the trees gently to and fro, +the old lady would invite me in a mysterious manner to her room, and +drawing forth an almost endless package, open letter after letter, and +read to me the correspondence of people whom I cared nothing +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page182" id="page182"></a>[pg 182]</span> +about. I +tried very hard to suppress all signs of yawning, for I wanted to be out +at play; but I must have been ungrateful not to exercise a little +patience with one so kind and affectionate, and she, dear old soul! +evidently considered it the greatest treat she could offer me. I became +in this manner acquainted with the whole history of her courtship; and +charmed with so quiet a listener, she would read to me till I fairly +fell asleep. But her thoughts being entirely occupied with the past, and +her eyes in endeavoring to decipher the faded hand-writing, this +inattention passed unobserved; and she pursued her reading until called +off by her daily duties.</p> + +<p>Dear old lady! how often have I watched her when she was asleep, as with +the neat white frill of her cap partially shading her face, she sat in +the large chair with her hands folded together, and her spectacles lying +on the book in her lap. She looked so pure and calm that I sometimes +felt afraid that she might be dead, like old people I had heard of who +died quietly in their sleep; but I could not bear the idea, and a +feeling of inexpressible relief would come +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page183" id="page183"></a>[pg 183]</span> +over me when I beheld the +lids slowly rise again from the mild eyes that were ever bent lovingly +upon me.</p> + +<p>She bad a box piled with rolls of manuscript containing poetry, which +she told me she had taken great pleasure in composing. "Saturday +nights," said she, "when everything was in order, and, the next day +being Sunday, I had no household cares to think of, I would amuse myself +in composing verses that were seldom shown to any one. Mr. Henshaw was a +most excellent man and a kind husband, but he had no taste for poetry, +and considered it a great waste of time. Another thing that helped to +set him against it was an unfortunate poem that I composed on the event +of a marriage that took place in the neighborhood. The gentleman had +courted the lady for a number of years without success; and after +praising his constancy, I dwelt on the beauteous Eliza's charms, and +said something about winning the goal at last. But they were very much +offended; they supposed that I was ridiculing them, and said that I had +represented them as doing a great many foolish things which they had +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page184" id="page184"></a>[pg 184]</span> +never thought of. There was no use in attempting to pacify them—I had +thrown away my poetry where it was not appreciated; and Mr. Henshaw +exclaimed in a tone of annoyance: 'Now do, I beg of you, never let me +see you again at the writing-desk! You have done as much mischief with +your pen as other women accomplish with their tongues.' So I never sent +poetry again to other people; but whenever I felt lonely, I sat down and +wrote, and it has really been a great comfort to me. One of these days, +Amy, I shall give this all to you."</p> + +<p>When I returned home, the poetry was carefully laid in the bottom of my +trunk; but I have my suspicions that for sometime after Jane kindled the +nursery fire with it. While looking over her things one day. Aunt +Henshaw showed me an old-fashioned pair of ear-rings, which I admired +very much.</p> + +<p>"I intended to give these to you, Amy," said she, "but I see that your +ears have not been pierced."</p> + +<p>"Why, I thought those holes always grew in people's ears!" said I, in +surprise. "Have I none in mine?"</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page185" id="page185"></a>[pg 185]</span> + +<p>"No," she replied, "they are always made with a needle, or some sharp +instrument."</p> + +<p>"Does it hurt?" I inquired.</p> + +<p>"Not much," was her reply, and so the subject dropped, but I still +pursued it in thought.</p> + +<p>I fancied myself decked with the ear-rings, and the pleasure I should +experience in showing them to Mammy and Jane; but then on the other +hand, the idea of the needle was anything but agreeable, for I could not +bear the least pain. I wavered for sometime between the advantages and +disadvantages of the operation. This state of mind led me to notice +people's ears much more than I had formerly done; and perceiving that +Sylvia's were adorned with a pair of large gold hoops, I applied to her +for advice.</p> + +<p>"Why, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, in surprise, "you are real shaller, if +you don't have your ears bored after that! Why, I'd made a hole in my +nose in half a minit, if somebody'd only give me a gold ring to put +through it!"</p> + +<p>"Who bored <i>your</i> ears, Sylvia?" said I at length.</p> + +<p>"Why, I did it myself, to be sure. Any +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page186" id="page186"></a>[pg 186]</span> +body can do that—jest take a +needle and thread and draw it right through."</p> + +<p>I shuddered involuntarily; but just then Sylvia moved her head a little, +and the rings shook and glittered so fascinatingly that I resolved to +become a martyr to the cause of vanity. The colored woman having agreed +to perform the office, and Aunt Henshaw and Statia being out for the +afternoon, I seated myself on a chair with my back against the dresser; +while Sylvia mounted the few steps that led to her sleeping-room in +order to search for a needle, and Holly endeavored to keep up my courage +by representing the fascinating appearance I should present when +decorated with ear-rings.</p> + +<p>Sylvia soon came down, with needle, and thread, and cork; while I began +to tremble and turn pale on perceiving the instruments of torture. I had +quite forgotten how disagreeable needles felt in the flesh; and Sylvia's +first attempt was brought to a sudden end by a loud scream, which would +certainly have roused the neighbors had there been any near.</p> + +<p>"Now, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, "I had your ear almost bored then. But +if you're +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page187" id="page187"></a>[pg 187]</span> +going to cut up such didos I shall leave off directly—it +ain't no such great fun for me."</p> + +<p>She was going up stairs with a very resolute air, and again the +ear-rings flashed and glittered; and having by this time lost the acute +sense of pain, I called her back and begged her to proceed.</p> + +<p>"Now mind," said she, "if you holler again, I'll jest stop at once."</p> + +<p>I glued my lips firmly together, while she again adjusted the cork and +needle; but I could hardly bear it, and trembled like an aspen leaf. One +ear was soon pierced, while I felt the needle in every part of my frame; +and Sylvia was proceeding to do the other, but I jumped up suddenly, +exclaiming: "Oh Sylvia! I cannot have the other one bored! It will kill +me!"</p> + +<p>"Well, I wouldn't if I was you, Miss Amy," said she, "cos you can hang +both rings in one ear, you know—and that'll look real beautiful, won't +it, Holly?"</p> + +<p>Holly burst into a loud fit of laughter, and through the effects of +ridicule, I submitted a second time to the infliction. But it was +impossible to endure the suffering any longer; the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page188" id="page188"></a>[pg 188]</span> +color gradually +faded from my face, and just as Sylvia concluded, she found that I had +fainted. The two were very much frightened, and after almost drowning me +with water, they lifted me up and carried me to my own bed. Aunt Henshaw +soon came home, and her horror at my situation was only equalled by her +astonishment. Sylvia did not tell her the cause of my sudden illness; +but she soon discovered it by a glance at my ears which were much +inflamed and swollen, having been pierced in a very bungling manner. +Sylvia received such a severe reprimand that she was almost angry enough +to leave on the spot; but she had only erred through ignorance, and I +succeeded at length in reconciling her mistress.</p> + +<p>"But, my dear Amy," said the kind old lady, as she sat down beside me, +"Why is it that you are always getting into some trouble if left to +yourself for ever so short a time? You cannot tell the pain it gives me. +Why, an account of your various scrapes since you have been here would +almost fill a book."</p> + +<p>What could I reply? It was a natural and most unfortunate propensity +which displayed +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page189" id="page189"></a>[pg 189]</span> +itself everywhere; as well with Mammy in the precincts +of the nursery, as when roaming about at Aunt Henshaw's.</p> + +<p>"But the ear-rings?" said I. "You will give them to me now, will you +not? I should <i>so</i> much like to have them!"</p> + +<p>"And so you shall have them, dear," replied Aunt Henshaw. "It would he +cruel to refuse them after your suffering so much for them. But I never +would have mentioned them had I had any idea of such an unfortunate +result."</p> + +<p>Supposing that it would please me, she got them out of the case and laid +them beside me. They were very pretty, to be sure, but oh! how much +suffering those ear-rings caused me! My poor ears were very sore for a +long time, and I would sit for hours leaning my head on a pillow, in +hopes of easing the pain. And yet, when they were at last well, and the +ear-rings really in, I almost forgot what I had suffered in the delight +I experienced at my supposed transformation. They were the admiration of +the kitchen; and even Aunt Henshaw and Cousin Statia allowed that +ear-rings were a great improvement; and I began to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page190" id="page190"></a>[pg 190]</span> +think that on my +return home they would even throw Ellen Tracy's curls into the shade.</p> + +<p>The summer was passing away—harvest had come and gone; and while the +others were engaged during this busy season, I was to be seen perched on +every load of hay, from which I had of course two or three tumbles, but +always on some pile beneath. The kittens had grown large and awkward, +and consequently lost my favor; while the cat no longer put herself to +the trouble of hiding them, so that I could now have them whenever I +chose—coming like most other privileges when no longer desired. The +evenings were getting chilly, so that a fire was very acceptable; and I +loved to sit by the bright flame before the candles were brought in, and +listen to Aunt Henshaw's stories.</p> + +<p>"Now," said I one evening when we had all comfortably arranged ourselves +to spend the twilight in doing nothing, "do tell me a very interesting +story, Aunt Henshaw—for you know that I am going home soon, and perhaps +it is the last that I shall hear."</p> + +<p>"Well," said she with a smile, "if it is to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page191" id="page191"></a>[pg 191]</span> +be so very interesting, I +must think very hard first."</p> + +<p>Cousin Statia had been looking towards the door, when she suddenly +inquired: "Did you ever tell her about the bullet hole?"</p> + +<p>"Why, no," replied the old lady, "I do not believe I ever did. Have you +noticed the round hole in the front door, Amy?"</p> + +<p>I replied in the negative; and taking me into the hall, she led the way +to the front door which opened in two parts, and in the upper half I +distinctly perceived a bullet hole which had been made by the British; +and it was the story attached to this very hole which she was about to +tell me.</p> + +<p>"Well, one night," said she, "a long while ago, I sat by the fire with +the baby in my arms, while the other children were playing around. The +two women servants were in the kitchen, and Mr. Henshaw had taken the +men several miles off, on some business relating to the farm. It was +just about this time, before the candles were lit; and one of the women +came in to tell me that five British soldiers were approaching the +house.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page192" id="page192"></a>[pg 192]</span> + +<p>"Fasten all the doors then," said I, "and let no one enter unless I +give you permission."</p> + +<p>The doors were well fastened up, and before long I heard them knocking +with the ends of their muskets. I let them knock for some time; but at +length I raised an upper window, and asked them what they wanted.</p> + +<p>"We want some supper," they replied, "and will probably stay all night."</p> + +<p>"It is not in my power to accommodate you." I replied, as coolly as +possible, "nor do I feel willing to admit any visitors in the absence of +my husband."</p> + +<p>"If you do not admit us soon we will break the door down!" they +exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Of that I am not much afraid," said I; "it is too well secured."</p> + +<p>I withdrew from the window, and for half an hour they tried various +means of effecting an entrance, but it was impossible. I approached the +window again, and they called out: "If you do not have the door opened, +we shall certainly fire!"</p> + +<p>"Do so," I replied; "there is no one to injure by it except helpless +women and children."</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page193" id="page193"></a>[pg 193]</span> + +<p>I did not suppose they would do it—I thought it was intended only for +a threat; and was therefore as much surprised as any of the others, when +a bullet came whizzing through the front door, and passing through a +pane of glass in an opposite window, fell into the yard. A dreadful +scream arose from the servants, and perhaps frightened for the effects, +or perceiving my husband and the men, they made a hasty retreat; and I +was just ready to sink from fright when Mr. Henshaw came in. He told me +never to stop up the bullet-hole, but to leave it to show what women +were made of in the Revolution.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page194" id="page194"></a>[pg 194]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_XIV"></a><h2>CHAPTER XIV.</h2> + +<p>Cousin Statia had completed her winter's knitting, Aunt Henshaw began to +make pumpkin pies, and the period of my visit was rapidly drawing to a +close. The letters from home grew more and more solicitous for my +return, and at last the day was fixed. I felt anxious to see them all +again, and yet rather sorry to lay aside my present state of freedom. I +had quite escaped from leading-strings, and found it very pleasant to +follow the bent of my inclination as I had done at Aunt Henshaw's; but +absence had banished all memory of the thorns I had sometimes +encountered in my career at home, and I thought only of the roses—the +idea of change being also a great inducement.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page195" id="page195"></a>[pg 195]</span> + +<p>Holly and I had passed whole afternoons in gathering hazel-nuts which +grew near a fence not far from the house; and having filled a very +respectable-sized bag with them, I felt quite impatient at the idea of +returning home well-laden with supplies, like any prudent housekeeper. +Aunt Henshaw was to accompany me, and selecting some of her choicest +produce, and an immense bunch of herbs, as antidotes for all the aches +and ills which human flesh is heir to, on a bright, glowing September +morning, we set forward on my homeward journey. "Blessings brighten as +they leave us;" and although I had been considered the torment of the +whole household, all regretted my departure, and begged me to come soon +again.</p> + +<p>"Now, Miss Amy," said Sylvia, as I was taking a long private farewell in +the kitchen, "jest take a piece of advice from an old colored woman what +has lived longer in the world than you have, and roasted chickens and +fried sassages ever sense she can remember. Buckwheat cakes is very +good, but to keep your own counsel is a heap better—so when you go home +don't you go to telling about that ere pig-pen +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page196" id="page196"></a>[pg 196]</span> +business, or the time +when the old hen flewed at you, or tumbling off the old horse. People +that don't say nothin' often gits credit for bein' quite sensible, and +p'raps you can deceive 'em too; for you'll be kind o' made a fuss with +when you fust get home, and if you don't let on about all these here +scrapes they'll think more of you."</p> + +<p>Sylvia's advice struck me as being very sensible, and I therefore +resolved to act upon it, and endeavor to make them consider me quite a +different character from the hoyden Amy. I kissed Cousin Statia, who +took up her sewing as calmly as though nothing of any importance was +about to occur; and having delighted Holly's eyes with a bright ribbon +in which all the colors of the rainbow seemed combined, I presented +Sylvia with a collar worked by myself, and passed out to the stage, +which was waiting for us. Our journey home was quite an uneventful one; +and the wind being more favorable, we were not so long on the passage.</p> + +<p>My parents were watching for us with anxious solicitude; but when the +door opened in bounded a wild, blooming hoyden, in whose +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page197" id="page197"></a>[pg 197]</span> +sparkling eyes +and glowing cheeks they could detect no trace of the delicate invalid. +Henry and Fred, with a troop of younger brothers, stood ready to devour +me with kisses; but Mammy, rushing impulsively forward, pushed them all +aside, and cried and laughed over me alternately, while she almost +crushed me with the violence of her affection. Before I was well seated, +Fred spied out the bag of hazel-nuts; and a vigorous sound of cracking +informed me that the work of devastation had already commenced.</p> + +<p>How they all stared at my ear-rings! But mamma turned pale and burst +into tears; while I stood still, feeling very uncomfortable, and yet not +being exactly aware of the manner in which I had displeased her. Aunt +Henshaw, however, with a minute accuracy that struck me as being +painfully correct, related every circumstance connected with that +unfortunate business, from her finding me extended on the bed to the +time when the rings were placed in my ears.</p> + +<p>"Oh Amy! how could you!" exclaimed my mother; "I have always despised +the barbarous +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page198" id="page198"></a>[pg 198]</span> +practice of making holes in the flesh for the sake of +ornament," she continued, "but to have them pierced by an ignorant +colored woman! Come here, child, and let me look at your ears. They are +completely spoiled!" she exclaimed, "the holes are one-sided, and close +to the very bone! What is to be done?"</p> + +<p>Aunt Henshaw suggested that it would be better to let those grow up, and +have others made in the right place; but I still retained a vivid +recollection of that scene of torture, and did not therefore feel +willing to have it repeated. But the ear-rings must come out—they were +no ornament all one-sided; so they were laid away in cotton, while I had +the pleasure of reflecting on the suffering I had endured for nothing. +Being thus brought down at the very commencement of my attempt to be +sensible, and finding it less trouble to resume my natural character, I +concluded to disregard Sylvia's well-meant advice. I was very poor at +keeping a secret; so one by one all the scrapes in which I had figured +came to light, to the great horror of the others, and the delight of +Fred, who was quite pleased to discover a congenial soul.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page199" id="page199"></a>[pg 199]</span> + +<p>Mammy at length seized upon me again, and carrying me almost by force +to the nursery, she locked the door and sat down beside me; determined, +as she said, to have me to herself for a while. Having requested an +account of all the adventures I had met with, she listened with the most +absorbed attention while I unfolded the various circumstances of my +visit. Mammy was sometimes amused, sometimes frightened, and often +shocked, but generally for the dignity of the family; for as I had been +its representative, she feared that it would suffer in the eyes of the +country people.</p> + +<p>Time passed on; Aunt Henshaw returned home, and things proceeded in +their usual way. My vanity was flattered by the increased attention +which I met with on all sides; my parents appeared to consider me much +less of a child since my return, and I was in consequence almost +emancipated from the nursery; while Mammy and Jane no longer chided me +for my misdemeanors—which, to say the truth, were much less frequent +than formerly.</p> + +<p>But I soon after experienced a great source of regret in the departure +of Ellen Tracy for +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page200" id="page200"></a>[pg 200]</span> +boarding-school. Not being an only daughter like +myself, her parents could better spare her; but we were almost +inconsolable at parting, and having shed abundance of tears, presented +each other with keepsakes as mementos of our unchanging friendship. Hers +was a little china cup, which I have kept to this day, while I gave her +a ring made of my own hair; so that, for want of Ellen's company, I was +obliged to take up with her brother's; and the boys complained that I +kept Charles so much to myself it was impossible to make him join any of +their excursions.</p> + +<p>It was my twelfth birthday; and on the evening of that day I feared that +Mammy's oft-repeated threat of leaving us, at which we had so often +trembled in our younger days, was about to be verified. A married sister +was taken very ill, and Mammy was immediately sent for to take care of +her; and indeed we were afraid that she would be obliged to stay there +altogether, on account of her nephews and nieces. How dreary the nursery +seemed after her departure! In vain did the good-natured Jane exert +herself to tell her most amusing +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page201" id="page201"></a>[pg 201]</span> +stories; they had lost their interest; +and yielding to her feelings, she became at length as dull as any of us.</p> + +<p>In about a week Mammy returned; but we could see that she was changed; +her sister had died and left five children but illy provided for. +Through the influence of my father, different situations were obtained +for the three eldest; while the old nurse, with the assistance of +occasional charity, supported the two younger ones. But Mammy had +suffered from sleepless nights, and rooms but illy warmed; and her own +health failed during her ceaseless watch by the bedside of her sister. +We did not know exactly what it was, but felt very sure that Mammy +seemed no longer like the same person.</p> + +<p>Children who are kept at a distance by their parents and elders, often +have very queer thoughts, whose existence no one imagines. I do not +think I was an ordinary child; and notwithstanding my hoyden nature had +a very thoughtful turn of mind. I well recollect, on being once sent +early to bed for some misdemeanor I bribed my brother Fred to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page202" id="page202"></a>[pg 202]</span> +accompany +me; and waking up during the night, the saying that "he who goes to bed +in anger has the devil for his bed-fellow" came across my mind, and +impressed me so strongly that I caught hold of Fred's foot to ascertain +whether it was so disagreeable a guest, or my own madcap brother who was +lying beside me. Even the kick I received in return was rather welcome +than otherwise, as it proved beyond a doubt that it was really the +veritable Fred.</p> + +<p>But what has this to do with Mammy? you ask. A great deal, I can assure +you; for I began to fear that it was not the old nurse who had returned +to us, but some strange being, who, having assumed her appearance, had +not been able altogether to imitate her manner. So I kept myself aloof, +and felt afraid to venture too close; but she grew thinner and paler, +and my mother relieved her from all care of the children.</p> + +<p>I slept in a small closet that opened into the nursery; and calling me +very softly one night, she said, "Miss Amy, will you bring me a pitcher +of water? I know they would not let me have it," she continued as I +attempted to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page203" id="page203"></a>[pg 203]</span> +remonstrate with her, "but I am determined not to die +choking."</p> + +<p>I was very much frightened, but I could not see her suffer with thirst; +and bringing her a large pitcher of water, she drank almost half of it +at once. "Now place it on a chair where I can reach it," said she, "and +go back to bed—I shall be better soon."</p> + +<p>I did as she requested, and, childlike, soon fell asleep again. The old +nurse too slept—but hers was the sleep that knows no waking. They came +in the next morning and found her dead. Her features were peaceful as +though she had died calmly, and beside her stood the pitcher empty. She +always said that if she should ever be ill, she <i>would</i> have water—she +would drink till she died, and she had literally done so. We all felt +very sad, and Fred broke forth into loud screams, on being told of her +death.</p> + +<p>It was my first realization of death—the first corpse I had ever seen; +and as I knelt beside the coffin, where the pale hands that lay +cross-folded on the breast, the motionless features, and the dreadful +stillness of the whole figure, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page204" id="page204"></a>[pg 204]</span> +spoke eloquently of the change that had +taken place, I thought of my many acts of wilfulness, ingratitude, and +unkindness, which had often pained the loving heart that had now forever +ceased to beat. Could I but see those still features again animated with +life, I felt that never again would my tongue utter aught but words of +kindness; but it was now too late for amendment—there was nothing left +me but repentance.</p> + +<p>My parents too grieved at her death; she had been in the family so long +that they were loathe to miss the old familiar face from its post in the +nursery. She was buried from our own house; and there were more true +mourners at her funeral than often fall to the lot of the great and +gifted.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page205" id="page205"></a>[pg 205]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_XV"></a><h2>CHAPTER XV.</h2> +<br></br> + +<p>"Papa, have you any relations?" I asked one evening rather suddenly, +after pondering over the subject and wondering why it was that our +family consisted of no one but papa, and mamma, and us children; while +other people always had aunts, or uncles, or cousins living with them. +We had plenty, to be sure, who came and made visits at different times; +but I meant some one to live with us altogether.</p> + +<p>"What a curious question!" said my father, smiling, "And how suddenly +you bolted out with it, Amy, after at least half an hour's silence. You +must have thought deeply on the subject, but what put it into your head +just now?"</p> + +<p>Not knowing exactly what to say, I wisely +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page206" id="page206"></a>[pg 206]</span> +remained silent; and turning +to my mother, he continued in a low tone: "Do you know that this random +question of Amy's has awakened some not very welcome reminiscences, and +pointed out a line of duty which does not promise much pleasure beyond +the consciousness of doing right? I ought to invite an addition to the +family without delay."</p> + +<p>"Are you joking, or in earnest?" inquired my mother, "And if in earnest, +pray whom do you refer to?"</p> + +<p>"You will soon find it to be most solid, substantial earnest," rejoined +my father, "for I must this very evening write a letter to Mrs. +Chesbury, senior, the step-mother of whom you have heard me speak, +inviting her to spend the summer with us. She has, you know, resided at +the South since my father's death, occasionally visiting her relatives +at the North; and as we have never yet been honored with her company, +that pleasure is still in store for us. My recollections of her, to be +sure, are not so very delightful. She was very severe in her discipline, +and continually checked my pleasures and enjoyments, which she usually +exchanged +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page207" id="page207"></a>[pg 207]</span> +for some long, heavy, incomprehensible task; and at the first +blunder in recitation, off came her shoe, which she immediately laid +across my shoulders with the most unremitting zeal. I recollect her +whipping me one day when it really appeared to me that I had not been in +the least to blame. I was quite a little fellow then, and drawing my +hand across my eyes, I sobbed forth: "I wish one of us in this room was +dead, I do—I don't wish it was me—and I don't wish it was the +cat—"Whatever I had intended to add was suddenly cut short; and I began +to think that it was rather foolish of me to subject myself to two +whippings instead of one. I have quite escaped from leading-strings +now," added my father with an expressive look; but the old lady may be +of considerable assistance in keeping you young ones in order.</p> + +<p>The children looked frightened; and Fred, being now too old to dread any +whippings on his own account, kindly undertook the instruction of his +younger brothers in the art of being saucy and playing practical jokes. +We were told to call her "grandmother," and treat her with the greatest +respect; but as I dwelt upon +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page208" id="page208"></a>[pg 208]</span> +my father's account of her, like the +magician in olden story, I almost trembled at the visitor I had invoked. +The letter was written and despatched; and after a while, an answering +one received, in which the step-mother accepted her son-in-law's +invitation, "for the sake," as she said, "of the many happy hours they +had formerly enjoyed together." I sat reading in a distant corner of the +room when this letter was received, almost concealed by the folds of the +curtains; and the other children being out of the room, I overheard my +father say:</p> + +<p>"I do not remember much else but being whipped, and sent supperless to +bed; if they <i>were</i> happy hours, it must have been on the principle of +the frogs—'What is play to you is death to us.'"</p> + +<p>My mother smiled; but she replied softly: "Perhaps she is changed now, +Arthur; do not say anything against her before the children, for she is +a stranger, entitled to our hospitality—and I would not have her +welcome a chilling one."</p> + +<p>In process of time the old lady arrived, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page209" id="page209"></a>[pg 209]</span> +accompanied by a colored +servant who answered to the name of Venus. Fred christened her "the +black divinity," at which she became highly offended; and ever after, +there was a perpetual war of words waging between the two. My +grandmother was a small, dark-complexioned woman, with an exceedingly +haughty, and very repulsive expression. She received all her +daughter-in-law's endeavors to make her feel at home as a natural right; +and appeared to consider other people intended only for her sole use and +benefit. As I glanced from her to my mother's fair, soft beauty, and +strikingly sweet expression, I formed a comparison between the two not +much to my grandmother's advantage.</p> + +<p>We soon found that the old lady had a great idea of taking the reins +into her own hands; the children were scolded, and threatened, and +locked up in dark closets, until, to use their own expression, they +became, most "dreadfully good," and never dared to show off under the +espionage of those eagle eyes. During the summer, our parents were +absent for some weeks on a pleasure jaunt; and Grandmother +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page210" id="page210"></a>[pg 210]</span> +Chesbury +having the entire control of us, we were obliged to behave very +differently from usual. She kept us all in awe except Fred; but on him +it was impossible to make the least impression. If she tyrannized over +the rest us, it was abundantly repaid by the teazings of my mischievous +brother.</p> + +<p>The old lady was extremely violent in temper, and after irritating it to +the highest pitch, or, as he termed it, "putting on the steam," he +provoked her still more by his polite sarcasms and tantalizing replies. +The object of contest between them was generally the last word in the +argument; and when victory appeared to incline neither to one side nor +the other, my grandmother would exclaim angrily: "Hold your tongue this +moment, you impertinent boy! Not another word."</p> + +<p>"Yes'm," Fred would reply, with every appearance of submission.</p> + +<p>Having triumphed up stairs, he generally went in search of Venus, whose +anger was almost as vehement as that of her mistress. Her time, when not +attending to Mrs. Chesbury, was chiefly occupied by the duties of the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page211" id="page211"></a>[pg 211]</span> +toilet; and Jane asserted that she had anxiously inquired if there were +no respectable colored gentlemen about the place? Venus always bestowed +a great deal of pains on the arrangement of her head covering, which was +profusely decorated with combs of various shapes and sizes; but "thereby +hangs a tale" which must be told.</p> + +<p>Good beef is very scarce at the South, and Southerners therefore +consider it a great treat when they come North. My grandmother was very +fond of it frizzled; and Venus being quite <i>au fait</i> in the manufacture +of this dish, the old lady never allowed any one else to make it for +her. One afternoon, during my parents' absence, the children being +disposed of in various ways—some had gone out for a walk, two were +playing together in a closet where they had been locked up, and others +were rambling about the grounds—the house was pretty clear; so my +grandmother resolved to enjoy a treat in her own apartment. A small +table was nicely laid out with all the requisites for a comfortable tea, +and Venus then departed to the kitchen to dish up some frizzled beef.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page212" id="page212"></a>[pg 212]</span> + +<p>But it so happened that the odor of the savory dish, in its passage up +stairs, found its way to the nostrils of Master Fred, who had been +quietly engaged in some wonderfully wise researches in the library; and +as even philosophers are not exempt from the earth-born love of good +things, out rushed our student with a polite request that Venus would +"allow him to taste the trash, and see if it was fit to be sent to Mrs. +Chesbury." A scuffle ensued, in which Fred succeeded in satisfying his +curiosity; and with considerably ruffled plumage, and not in the +sweetest state of mind, Venus proceeded up stairs. Fred slyly followed; +and peeping through the key-hole of a door that opened into my +grandmother's room, he determined to watch the progress of the feast. +Things looked very tempting, and he had half a mind to petition for a +seat at the table; but he began to think that, even should he succeed in +his request, a <i>seat</i> would be all he could gain; for the old lady +attacked the eatables very much in the style of a school-boy just come +home for the holidays. The frizzled beef rapidly disappeared, till the +bottom of the dish was scarcely +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page213" id="page213"></a>[pg 213]</span> +covered; but suddenly ceasing her +attacks upon it, my grandmother took the dish in her hand, and pointing +to some black substance, interrogated the colored girl in accents of +mingled doubt and horror.</p> + +<p>"Why Venus, come here! What—what—what <i>is</i> this?"</p> + +<p>"Why, la, Missus!" exclaimed Venus, while every feature brightened with +joyful surprise, "If there ain't my little comb, what I lost in the +scuffle with Master Fred! Who would have thought to find it here!"</p> + +<p>"Who, indeed!" ejaculated the old lady, in a voice scarcely audible.</p> + +<p>My grandmother did not leave her room that evening, and we were told +that she was ill; while it is scarcely necessary to add that Fred never +again interfered with any of Venus' cookeries. When repeating the story, +he always dwelt upon the ridiculous tableau presented by the horrified +looks of the old lady, as she pointed to the suspicious-looking +article—and the delight and surprise of Venus at recovering her lost +property in such an unexpected manner. He possessed a great talent for +drawing; +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page214" id="page214"></a>[pg 214]</span> +and before long, a caricature appeared, which was a most +life-like representation of the whole scene. My mother shook her head, +and my father delivered a short, but expressive lecture upon the +improper nature of mimicry; but in the midst of an edifying discourse +Fred suddenly displayed the drawing in full view—at which all the +children burst into peals of laughter, and my father abruptly closed his +sermon, and frowning sternly, walked into the library; but we could +perceive a nervous twitching about the corners of his mouth, which +looked very much at variance with the frown upon his brow.</p> + +<p>My mother too, fixed her eyes steadfastly upon her sewing, and refused +to look up; which Fred saucily told her was only because she knew she +would laugh if she did. We were then told that we had been naughty +children, and sent out of the room; but somehow, we did not feel as +though we had been <i>very</i> bad, or that our parents were very angry with +us, and skipping along through the garden-walks, we next sent Jane +almost into convulsions of laughter by a display of the picture. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page215" id="page215"></a>[pg 215]</span> +Mamma, +however, burned it before long; she said that it was highly improper to +ridicule our grandmother, even if she <i>had</i> faults, and that we must +bear with her kindly, and not forget how few pleasures she enjoyed. Dear +mamma! she was too kind—too good; and often met with the fate of +such—imposition.</p> + +<p>I once heard of a lady who went to a house to make a call, and stayed +eleven years; this was somewhat similar to my grandmother's case—she +came to pass the summer with us, and spent her life-time. Whenever she +spoke of going back to the South, my father urged her to stay, and gave +convincing reasons why she should prolong her visit; and my mother, too, +kindly reflecting that the old lady had no near relatives and seemed to +enjoy herself with us, added her entreaties. At last they told her that +there was no reason why she should not stay altogether; and she appeared +to think so too, for she stayed. As we grew more accustomed to her we +liked her better than at first; she told us long stories about the +South, and related anecdotes of the greatness, and wealth, and +distinguished position of her own family, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page216" id="page216"></a>[pg 216]</span> +which she considered superior +to any in the United States. Venus too came into more favor; and after a +while we almost forgot the beef story.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page217" id="page217"></a>[pg 217]</span> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"></hr> +<a name="CHAPTER_XVI"></a><h2>CHAPTER XVI.</h2> +<br></br> + +<p>Time passed on; I had almost reached my fifteenth birthday, and began +to consider myself no longer a child. I was very tall for my age, and +quite showy-looking; and gentlemen who visited at the house now treated +me with all the attention due a young lady; which flattered my vanity +very much, and made me think them very agreeable. I remember my father's +once sending me from the room, on account of some gentleman's nonsense +which he considered me too young to listen to; but I felt very much hurt +at such treatment, and almost regarded myself as some heroine of romance +imprisoned by cruel parents. Novels were a great injury to me, as indeed +they are to every one. Their style was much +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page218" id="page218"></a>[pg 218]</span> +more extravagant and +unnatural than at the present day; and even at this early age, I had +read the "Children of the Abbey," the "Mysteries of Udolpho," the +"Scottish Chiefs," "Thaddeus of Warsaw," and many others of the same +stamp.</p> + +<p>But how did I obtain these, you ask? My mother, with her sense and +discernment, would not have placed such books in my hands; and you are +right. My grandmother was an inveterate novel-reader, but very careful +that her books fell into no other hands; so that the only means of +satisfying my taste for romantic reading was by stealth. Although novels +were proscribed, no other books were placed in my hands; there were then +scarcely any children's books published, and consumed as I was by an +inordinate passion for reading, was determined to indulge it without +being very particular about the means. How often have I watched my +opportunity when my grandmother had left her apartment for an afternoon +visit or drive, and then drawn forth the cherished volume from beneath +the pillow and even from between the bed and sacking bottom! so +carefully were they +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page219" id="page219"></a>[pg 219]</span> +concealed from view. Sometimes, indeed, she locked +the door of her room, and took the key with her; and then all ingress +was impossible.</p> + +<p>What wild, foolish dreams I indulged in!--What romantic-visions of the +future that were never realized! How well I remember my sensations on +reading the "Scottish Chiefs." Wallace appeared to me almost in the +light of a god—so noble, so touching were all his acts and words, that +I even envied Helen Mar the privilege of calling herself his wife, and +then dying to lay her head in the same grave with him. I resolved to +give up all the common-place of life, and cling unto the spiritual—to +purify myself from every earth-born wish and habit, and live but in the +hope of meeting with a second Wallace. I persevered in this resolution +for a whole week; and then meeting with some equally delightful hero of +an opposite nature, I changed from grave to gay. My mood during these +periods of fascination was as variable as the different heroines I +admired. Now I would imitate the pensiveness of Amanda, and go about +with streaming tresses, and a softly modulated tone of voice—then I +would read of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page220" id="page220"></a>[pg 220]</span> +some sprightly heroine who changed all by her vivacity +and piquant sayings, and immediately commence springing down three +stairs at a time, teazing all the children, and making some reply to +everything that was said, which sometimes passed for wit but oftener for +impudence—and then again some noble, self-sacrificing character would +excite my admiration, and oh! how I longed for some opportunity to +signalize myself! A bullet aimed at some loved one, whom I could protect +by rushing forward and receiving it myself; but I was not to be killed, +only sufficiently wounded to make me appear interesting—disabled in the +arm, perhaps, without much suffering, for bodily pain never formed a +prominent feature in my ideas of the romantic and striking—I was too +great a coward; or else a plunge into the waves to rescue some drowning +person from perishing, when I wished just to come near enough to death +to elevate me into a heroine for after life.</p> + +<p>I looked in the glass, and seeing large, dark eyes, a healthful bloom, +and rather pretty features, I concluded that I need not belong to the +plain and amiable order, and began to wish +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page221" id="page221"></a>[pg 221]</span> +most enthusiastically for +some romantic admirer; some one who would expose himself to the danger +of a sore throat and influenza for the sake of serenading me—who would +be rather glad than otherwise to risk his life by jumping down a +precipice to bring me some descried wild flower, and who, when away from +me, would pass his time in writing extravagant poetry, of which I was to +be the bright divinity. Old as I am, I feel almost ashamed to repeat +this nonsense now; and had I then possessed more sense myself, or made +by mother the confidant of these flights of fancy, I need not now relate +my own silly experience to warn you from the effects of novel-reading.</p> + +<p>Charles Tracy did not at all realize my romantic ideas of a hero; and +one bright day the dissatisfaction which had been gradually gathering in +my mind expressed itself in words. I had gone down to a lake at the +bottom of the garden to indulge in high-flown meditations; and Charles +Tracy stood beside one of the boats which were always kept there.</p> + +<p>"Come, Amy," said he, as I drew near, "it +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page222" id="page222"></a>[pg 222]</span> +is a beautiful day—let us +have a row across the lake."</p> + +<p>"No," said I, twining my arm around one of the young trees near, "I +prefer remaining here."</p> + +<p>"You had better come with me," rejoined Charles, "instead of keeping +company there with the snapping-turtles. Well," he added after a short +pause, "if you will not come with me, why I must go alone."</p> + +<p>"Go, then!" said I, bitterly, "you love your own pleasure a great deal +better than you do me!"</p> + +<p>"Why Amy!" he exclaimed, coming close to me as though doubtful of my +sanity, "how very strangely you talk! You know that I love you very +much," he continued, "for haven't we been together and quarrelled with +each other ever since I can remember? And do I not now bear the marks of +the time when you threw the cat in my face to end our childish dispute? +And the scar where you stuck the pen-knife in my arm? And don't you +remember how you used to pull my hair out by handfuls? How +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page223" id="page223"></a>[pg 223]</span> +can I help +loving you when I call to mind all these tender recollections?"</p> + +<p>This reply provoked me very much; and I answered energetically: "You do +<i>not</i> love me!--you do not know how to love I When did you ever make any +sacrifices for me?" I continued in an excited manner, "When did I ever +hear you singing beneath my window in a tone meant for no ear but mine? +When did you ever rush with me out of a burning house, or encounter any +danger for my sake? When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at +midnight when all others were asleep?"</p> + +<p>During the progress of this singular speech, Charles Tracy's countenance +had gradually changed from the surprised to the amused; and when I had +concluded he laughed—yes, he actually laughed! What a damper of +sentiment!</p> + +<p>"Laugh on," said I, in a dignified manner, as I turned my steps +homeward, "that has now put an end to all."</p> + +<p>He was but a boy—I, a <i>woman</i>, for should I not be fifteen to-morrow? +and I walked away from him in contempt; while he quietly jumped into the +boat and rowed across the lake, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page224" id="page224"></a>[pg 224]</span> +whistling a tune. But I had not +proceeded far before a loud "ha! ha!" from my brother Fred sounded close +at my side; he had been an unobserved listener to the whole +conversation, now enjoyed the pleasure of teasing me all the way home.</p> + +<p>"That's right, Amy!" said he, "Keep up your dignity, child. What a rich +scene! <i>'When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at midnight +when all others were asleep?'</i> Rather a hopeless watch, I'm thinking, as +you sleep in the middle room between mother's and the nursery; and +between you and I, Amy, you know that you don't burn a taper, but a +brass lamp; but that, of course, isn't quite so poetical to tell of. +Such an air, too!--what a rare tragic actress you'd make! Do say it +over, won't you? I have almost forgotten the beginning."</p> + +<p>I gave Fred a boxed ear, which must have stung for sometime afterwards; +and running hastily into the house, locked myself up in my own room till +tea-time. The next day was my birthday; and while my table was strewn +with acceptable gifts from all the others, I perceived +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page225" id="page225"></a>[pg 225]</span> +among them a +very antiquated-looking cap and pair of spectacles, to the latter of +which was attached a slip of paper, on which was written: "To improve +the impaired sight of my dear sister Amy, produced by her declining +years; also a cap to conceal the gray hairs of age, and 'Young's Night +Thoughts' for the edification of her mind."</p> + +<p>I was almost ready to cry from mortification; but I remembered that I +was now fifteen, and took the articles down stairs for the purpose of +exposing Master Fred, but what did I get for my pains? In justification +he told the story of yesterday, in his own peculiarly humorous way; and +when I saw myself thus reflected, the ridiculous tendency of my words +and manner struck me forcibly, and I was almost ready to laugh. But the +others did that abundantly for me, while wondering where I had picked up +such notions; and Grandmother Chesbury, I verily believe, suspected that +I had been at her novels, for after that I never could find one.</p> + +<p>But although I was thus debarred from receiving any new impressions, the +old ones still continued in full force; and at last came +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page226" id="page226"></a>[pg 226]</span> +the long +desired opportunity to signalize myself. I was then almost sixteen, and +the treaty of peace with England had just been celebrated. I remember +well the illuminations and festivities on the first night of the +proclamation, which we spent in the city at a friend's house; the +balconies were wreathed with flowers, lights blazed from every window, +crowds of beautifully-dressed women filled the rooms, and the sounds of +music and dancing were heard in every street. It was my first evening in +company—my first experience of admiration; and completely carried away +by the music, the lights, and the occasion, the old desire for some +signalizing deed came thronging back in full force, till I grew almost +bewildered. No opportunity offered that night; I could only join in the +festivities, and listen to the feats and praises of others; but towards +the latter part of the evening my eye was attracted by the brilliant +uniform and handsome appearance of a young officer who passed through +the rooms, and lingered a moment in a distant corner among a knot of +friends who crowded eagerly about him. His commanding figure, beautiful +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page227" id="page227"></a>[pg 227]</span> +features, and intellectual, yet sweet, expression, completely realized +all my ideas of a novel-hero; I saw my father speaking to him, and +immediately made signs to introduce him, but before I could catch his +eye, the officer had disappeared. Papa told me that Major Arlington's +father had been an old friend of his, and he would have introduced him +to me, but business called him in another direction, and he could not +stay a moment longer, but promised us a visit at an early day.</p> + +<p>You need not smile, Miss Ella, and look so knowing at the mention of the +name; how do you know that there were not two Arlingtons in the world? +How do you know but that it was his brother I married? How do you +know—but never mind, I will go on with my story. It was several days +after that eventful evening, which still left a vivid impression upon my +mind; the desire to perform some wonderful deed remained in full force, +mingled with visions of the young officer, and I wandered about, without +paying much attention to my ordinary duties. Papa and mamma were both +from home, and Grandmother Chesbury had locked herself up +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page228" id="page228"></a>[pg 228]</span> +with a new +novel; while I was roaming about the grounds not far from the front +entrance.</p> + +<p>A sound of wheels suddenly struck upon my ear; I supposed it was some +visitor and paid not much attention to it; but before long there was a +confused noise of voices—a sound of plunging and rearing—and a +distinct crashing of some heavy vehicle. My evil genius led me to the +spot; I beheld a handsome carriage, which the horses seemed striving to +dash in pieces—caught a glimpse of a glittering uniform inside—and +following a wild impulse, sprang forward and endeavored to seize the +bridle. I heard some one say, "Take care of the young lady!" and then +the officer jumped from the carriage, while I was thrown down close to +the horses' feet. A confused hum sounded in my ears—and then followed a +long blank.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;"></hr> + +<p>When I awoke to consciousness I found myself lying on a sofa in a small +sitting-room; but no one was bending tenderly over me—not even a +mother's face met my eyes—but the gossip of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page229" id="page229"></a>[pg 229]</span> +two women servants grated +painfully on my ear.</p> + +<p>"What under the sun possessed Miss Amy to go and cut up such a caper as +that!" said one of them, "All the mischief she's done this day won't be +done away with for weeks to come."</p> + +<p>"No, indeed!" rejoined the other, "that young officer is a fixture here +for six weeks at least. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor are broken legs +healed in ten minutes—and such a beauty as he is, too! It's shameful to +think of!"</p> + +<p>"If she'd only let him alone, he'd done well enough—but she must go and +jump right under the horses' feet, so that, of course, he had to spring +out to prevent her being killed, and that broke his leg, while she +wasn't hurt a bit. Speaking of beauties, if Miss Amy could only have +seen herself then!--spotted with mud from head to foot, and her hair +flying in all directions!"</p> + +<p>On hearing that I was not hurt, I sprang from the sofa and rushed to the +glass, where I encountered the reflection of a most pitiable-looking +figure. Even my face was daubed with +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page230" id="page230"></a>[pg 230]</span> +mud and dirt, and I looked like a +veritable fright. Shame, mortification, and sorrow for my heedless +conduct almost overwhelmed me. In the selfish desire to signalize +myself, I had hazarded the life of a fellow-being, and brought upon him +weeks of suffering which no act of mine could now alleviate. The tears +rolled down my cheeks; but having ascertained that my parents had not +yet returned, I cut short the gossip of the servants, and ordering them +to bring me some water, I arranged my disordered dress for a visit to +the sufferer's apartment.</p> + +<p>Doctor Irwin had been instantly sent for; and when I entered the room, +he was seated by his patient's bedside, while Major Arlington lay with +closed eyes and pallid features in a kind of sleep or stupor.</p> + +<p>"Miss Amy," whispered the doctor, "this is a sad business—and your +parents from home, too. What will be their feelings on their return?"</p> + +<p>I glanced at the motionless figure of the young officer, and too much +ashamed to reply, hung my head in silence.</p> + +<p>"Are you sure that you were not at all hurt, my dear child?" he +continued in a kind tone; +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page231" id="page231"></a>[pg 231]</span> +"What a very wild proceeding it was to throw +yourself into the melée! If two men could not manage the horses, could +you suppose that your strength would be sufficient. You should have +reasoned with yourself before taking such a step, for you see the +unfortunate effects of it."</p> + +<p><i>Reason!</i> there was not the least particle of reason in my whole +composition; this was a wild, impulsive act, performed without the least +thought for the probable consequences, and I now stood gazing on the +wreck I had made, in silent bewilderment. My parents soon returned; and +hurrying to the apartment with countenances of astonishment and fear, +there realized a confirmation of the dreadful accounts they had been +assailed with. "And who was the author of all this mischief? <i>Amy</i>." My +eyes drooped under the stern, reproving glances I encountered, and I +crept about the house like a guilty thing—fervently wishing for the +bodily suffering I had brought upon the victim of my wild attempt, +instead of the pain of mind with which I was tormented.</p> + +<p>Days passed on, but the lapse of time was unheeded by me; my post was by +the bedside +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page232" id="page232"></a>[pg 232]</span> +of the sufferer—my employment to anticipate his slightest +wish, and yield to every humor. As he grew better I read to him, sung to +him, talked to him; and in return received the grateful glances of those +expressive eyes, which followed me about whenever I moved from his side. +At length he could sit up in his apartment, and then walk slowly through +the grounds, with the assistance of a heavy cane on one side and my arm +on the other; till at last he was pronounced to be as well as other +people; or, as Dr. Irwin expressed it, "as good as new." Your eyes are +brightening up, Ella, in anticipation of a most sentimental love-tale; +but I shall not gratify your desire of laughing at your grandmother's +folly; but shall only say, that before he left, I had promised, with the +consent of my parents, to become Mrs. Arlington. I was married at +eighteen, and, strange to say, to one who appeared a realization of all +my girlish fancies; he was noble-minded, warm-hearted, and almost as +enthusiastic as myself—with a sweetness of temper which I have never +seen raffled, except by some act of injustice or cruelty.</p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page233" id="page233"></a>[pg 233]</span> + +<p>But do not flatter yourself, Ella, that life glided on with me like the +pages of a romance; I was obliged to lay aside a great many silly +theories which I had indulged in, and come to plain reality much oftener +than suited my inclination. A <i>perfect</i> person is not to be found upon +earth; when disposed to murmur at not meeting with the sacrifices you +expect, ask yourself if you would be willing to make these sacrifices +for another—and then be not surprised that others are not more free +from the dross of self-consideration than you are. Also, do not suppose +that it was my hair-brained performance at our first meeting which +attracted my husband's affections; no, often has the color mounted to my +face at his reference to that scene, and his own impressions then.</p> + +<p>"You reminded me, Amy," he would say, laughing, "of some reckless sprite +from the kingdom of misrule, who had flown into the scene, determined to +make all the trouble she could. It was very chivalrous of you, to be +sure, and I ought to be very grateful—but I must own that I felt +exceedingly provoked at being obliged to risk my life by springing out +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page234" id="page234"></a>[pg 234]</span> +to rescue you from the horses' hoofs. But never mind, <i>chere amie</i>" he +would add as he saw the hot tears starting to my eyes, while face, neck, +and brow, were suffused with the hue of mortification, "there was an +after-page in the sick-room, when I beheld, with surprise, my crazy +heroine transformed into the demure, and gentle nurse, and learned to +distinguish a soft-toned voice, which always lingered in my ears like +pleasant music; so that after all, I am really indebted to you, Amy, for +making me break my leg—for, if you had not done so, I am afraid I never +should have discovered my jewel of a wife."</p> + +<p>So much for my romance; but the scene generally ended with the kiss of +reconciliation, and I, too, learned to smile at my act of girlish folly.</p> + +<p>"My tale is told; my parents have long slept beside each other, where the +long grass waves over them—my elder brothers are still living—my +brother Henry is a beloved and venerated clergyman in one of our large +cities—while the wild, hair-brained Fred became a talented lawyer in +the same place where he is universally +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page235" id="page235"></a>[pg 235]</span> +respected. The rest of my +brothers are all dead; and we three only survive out of a family of +nine. Perhaps at some future time I may give you an account of my +residence in England; but I must now conclude my adventures for the +present."</p> + +<p>Here ended my grandmother's history, which had afforded us many evenings +of amusement. We were both surprised and pleased at her frankness in +speaking of her faults and mischievous acts; and could indeed hardly +comprehend that the very sensible, dignified lady before us had ever +been such an odd, harum-scarum sort of character—yet so it was, and she +had kindly related her own experience for our improvement. The last +chapter was intended more especially for my own particular edification; +but we all laughed heartily at my grandmother's ideas of signalizing +herself. That room is to us a charmed spot; and we look forward most +anxiously to the time when she is to begin an account of her life in +England.</p> +<br></br> + +<p>THE END</p> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Grandmother's Recollections, by Ella Rodman + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS *** + +***** This file should be named 11427-h.htm or 11427-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/4/2/11427/ + +Produced by Internet Archive; University of Florida, Children, Amy +Petri and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Grandmother's Recollections + +Author: Ella Rodman + +Release Date: March 3, 2004 [EBook #11427] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS *** + + + + +Produced by Internet Archive; University of Florida, Children, Amy +Petri and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS. + +BY ELLA RODMAN. + + +1851. + + +A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +The best bed-chamber, with its hangings of crimson moreen, was opened +and aired--a performance which always caused my eight little brothers +and sisters to place themselves in convenient positions for being +stumbled over, to the great annoyance of industrious damsels, who, armed +with broom and duster, endeavored to render their reign as arbitrary as +it was short. For some time past, the nursery-maids had invariably +silenced refractory children with "Fie, Miss Matilda! Your grandmother +will make you behave yourself--_she_ won't allow such doings, I'll be +bound!" or "Aren't you ashamed of yourself, Master Clarence? What will +your grandmother say to that!" The nursery was in a state of uproar on +the day of my venerable relative's arrival; for the children almost +expected to see, in their grandmother, an ogress, both in features and +disposition. + +My mother was the eldest of two children, and my grandmother, from the +period of my infancy, had resided in England with her youngest daughter; +and we were now all employed in wondering what sort of a person our +relative might be. Mamma informed us that the old lady was extremely +dignified, and exacted respect and attention from all around; she also +hinted, at the same time, that it would be well for me to lay aside a +little of my self-sufficiency, and accommodate myself to the humors of +my grandmother. This to me!--to _me_, whose temper was so inflammable +that the least inadvertent touch was sufficient to set it in a blaze--it +was too much! So, like a well-disposed young lady, I very properly +resolved that _mine_ should not be the arm to support the venerable Mrs. +Arlington in her daily walks; that should the children playfully +ornament the cushion of her easy-chair with pins, _I_ would not turn +informant; and should a conspiracy be on foot to burn the old lady's +best wig, I entertained serious thoughts of helping along myself. + +In the meantime, like all selfish persons, I considered what demeanor I +should assume, in order to impress my grandmother with a conviction of +my own consequence. Of course, dignified and unbending I _would_ be; but +what if she chose to consider me a child, and treat me accordingly? The +idea was agonizing to my feelings; but then I proudly surveyed my five +feet two inches of height, and wondered how I could have thought of such +a thing! Still I had sense enough to know that such a supposition would +never have entered my head, had there not been sufficient grounds for +it; and, with no small trepidation, I prepared for my first appearance. + +It went off as first appearances generally do. I _was_ to have been +seated in an attitude of great elegance, with my eyes fixed on the pages +of some wonderfully wise book, but my thoughts anywhere but in company +with my eyes; while, to give more dignity to a girlish figure, my hair +was to be turned up on the very top of my head with a huge shell comb, +borrowed for the occasion from mamma's drawer. Upon my grandmother's +entrance, I intended to rise and make her a very stiff courtesy, and +then deliver a series of womanish remarks. This, I say, _was_ to have +been my first appearance--but alas! fate ordered otherwise. I was caught +by my dignified relative indulging in a game of romps upon the balcony +with two or three little sisters in pinafores and pantalettes--myself as +much a child as any of them. My grandmother came rather suddenly upon me +as, with my long hair floating in wild confusion, I stooped to pick up +my comb; and while in this ungraceful position, one of the little +urchins playfully climbed upon my back, while the others held me down. +My three little sisters had never appeared to such disadvantage in my +eyes, as they did at the present moment; in vain I tried to shake them +off--they only clung the closer, from fright, on being told of their +grandmother's arrival. + +At length, with crimsoned cheeks, and the hot tears starting to my eyes, +I rose and received, rather than returned the offered embrace, and found +myself in the capacious arms of one whom I should have taken for an old +dowager duchess. On glancing at my grandmother's portly figure and +consequential air, I experienced the uncomfortable sensation of utter +insignificance--I encountered the gaze of those full, piercing eyes, and +felt that I was conquered. Still I resolved to make some struggles for +my dignity yet, and not submit until defeat was no longer doubtful. +People in talking of "unrequited affection," speak of "the knell of +departed hopes," but no knell could sound more dreadful to the +ears of a girl in her teens--trembling for her scarcely-fledged +young-lady-hood--than did the voice of my grandmother, (and it was by no +means low), as she remarked: + +"So this is Ella. Why, how the child has altered! I remember her only as +a little, screaming baby, that was forever holding its breath with +passion till it became black in the face. Many a thumping have I given +you, child, to make you come to, and sometimes I doubted if your face +ever would be straight again. Even now it can hardly be said to belong +to the meek and amiable order." + +Here my grandmother drew forth her gold spectacles from a +richly-ornamented case, and deliberately scanned my indignant features, +while she observed: "Not much of the Bredforth style--quite an +Arlington." I drew myself up with all the offended dignity of sixteen, +but it was of no use; my grandmother turned me round, in much the same +manner that the giant might have been supposed to handle Tom Thumb, and +surveyed me from top to toe. + +I was unable to discover the effect of her investigation, but I +immediately became convinced that my grandmother's opinion was one of +the greatest importance. She possessed that indescribable kind of manner +which places you under the conviction that you are continually doing, +saying, or thinking something wrong; and which makes you humbly obliged +to such a person for coinciding in any of your opinions. Instead of the +dignified part I had expected to play, I looked very like a naughty +child that has just been taken out of its corner. The impression left +upon my mind by my grandmother's appearance will never be effaced; her +whole _tout ensemble_ was peculiarly striking, with full dark eyes, +high Roman nose, mouth of great beauty and firmness of expression, and +teeth whose splendor I have never seen equalled--although she was then +past her fiftieth year. Add to this a tall, well-proportioned figure, +and a certain air of authority, and my grandmother stands before you. + +As time somewhat diminished our awe, we gained the _entree_ of my +grandmother's apartment, and even ventured to express our curiosity +respecting the contents of various trunks, parcels, and curious-looking +boxes. To children, there is no greater pleasure than being permitted to +look over and arrange the articles contained in certain carefully-locked +up drawers, unopened boxes, and old-fashioned chests; stray jewels from +broken rings--two or three beads of a necklace--a sleeve or breadth of +somebody's wedding dress--locks of hair--gifts of schoolgirl +friendships--and all those little mementoes of the past, that lie +neglected and forgotten till a search after some mislaid article brings +them again to our view, and excites a burst of feeling that causes us to +look sadly back upon the long vista of departed years, with their +withered hopes, never-realized expectations, and fresh, joyous tone, +seared by disappointment and worldly wisdom. The reward of patient toil +and deep-laid schemes yields not half the pleasure that did the little +Indian cabinet, (which always stood so provokingly locked, and just +within reach), when during a period of convalescence, we were permitted +to examine its recesses--when floods of sunlight danced upon the wall of +the darkened room towards the close of day, and every one seemed _so_ +kind! + +My grandmother indulged our curiosity to the utmost; now a pair of +diamond ear-pendants would appear among the soft folds of perfumed +cotton, and flash and glow with all the brilliancy of former days--now a +rich brocaded petticoat called up phantoms of the past, when ladies wore +high-heeled shoes, and waists of no size at all--and gentlemen felt +magnificently attired in powdered curls and cues, and as many ruffles as +would fill a modern dressing gown. There were also fairy slippers, +curiously embroidered, with neatly covered heels; and anxious to adorn +myself with these relics of the olden time I attempted to draw one on. +But like the renowned glass-slipper, it would fit none but the owner, +and I found myself in the same predicament as Cinderella's sisters. In +vain I tugged and pulled; the more I tried, the more it wouldn't go +on--and my grandmother remarked with a sigh, that "people's feet were +not as small as they were in old times." I panted with vexation; for I +had always been proud of my foot, and now put it forward that my +grandmother might see how small it was. But no well-timed compliment +soothed my irritated feelings; and more dissatisfied with myself than +ever, I pursued my investigations. + +My grandmother, as if talking to herself, murmured: "How little do we +know, when we set out in life, of the many disappointments before us! +How little can we deem that the heart which then is ours will change +with the fleeting sunshine! It is fearful to have the love of a +life-time thrown back as a worthless thing!" + +"Fearful!" I chimed in. "Death were preferable!" + +"You little goose!" exclaimed my grandmother, as she looked me full in +the face, "What can _you_ possibly know about the matter?" + +I had nothing to do but bury my head down low in the trunk I was +exploring; it was my last attempt at sentiment. My grandmother took +occasion to give me some very good advice with respect to the behavior +of hardly-grown girls; she remarked that they should be careful not to +engross the conversation, and also, that quiet people were always more +interesting than loud talkers. I resolved to try my utmost to be quiet +and interesting, though at the same time it did occur to me as a little +strange that, being so great an admirer of the species, she was not +quiet and interesting herself. But being quiet was not my grandmother's +forte; and it is generally understood that people always admire what +they are not, or have not themselves. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +The old lady also possessed rather strict ideas of the respect and +deference due to parents and elders; and poor mamma, whose authority did +not stand very high, felt considerable relief in consequence of our, +(or, as I am tempted to say, _the children's_) improved behavior. I +remember being rather startled myself one day, when one of the +before-mentioned little sisters commenced a system of teazing for some +forbidden article. + +"Mother, mother,--can't I have that set of cards? We want it in our +play-room--Phemie and me are going to build a house." + +"I do not like to give you permission," replied mamma, looking +considerably worried, "for George does not wish you to have them." + +"Oh, but George is out, mother--out for all day," rejoined the +precocious canvasser, "and will never know anything about it." + +"But perhaps he might come home before you had done with them, and +George is so terribly passionate, and hates to have his things touched, +that he will raise the whole house." + +"Poor boy!" observed my grandmother dryly, "What a misfortune to be so +passionate! A deep-seated, and, I fear, incurable one, Amy; for of +course you have used your utmost endeavors, both by precept and example, +to render him otherwise." + +I almost pitied my mother's feelings; for well did I remember the +cried-for toy placed within his hands, to stop the constant succession +of screams sent forth by a pair of lungs whose strength seemed +inexhaustible--the comfort and convenience of the whole family +disregarded, not because he was the _best_, but the _worst_ child--and +often the destruction of some highly-prized trinket or gem of art, +because he was "_passionate_;" the result of which was, that my poor +brother George became one of the most selfish, exacting, intolerable +boys that ever lived. + +There was no reply, save a troubled look; and the little tormentor +continued in a fretful tone; "We'll put 'em all away before he gets in, +and never tell him a word of it--can't we have them, mother?" + +My mother glanced towards her mentor, but the look which she met +impelled her to pursue a course so different from her usual one, that I +listened in surprise: "No, Caroline, you can _not_ have them--now leave +the room, and let me hear no more about it." + +"I want them," said the child in a sullen tone, while she turned to that +invariable resource of refactory children who happen to be near a door; +namely, turning the knob, and clicking the lock back and forth, and +swinging on it at intervals. + +This performance is extremely trying to a person of restless, nervous +temperament, and my grandmother, setting up her spectacles, exclaimed +commandingly: "Caroline, how dare you stand pouting there? Did you not +hear your mother, naughty girl? Leave the room--this instant?" + +The child stood a moment almost transfixed with surprise; but as she saw +my grandmother preparing to advance upon her--her ample skirts and +portly person somewhat resembling a ship under full sail--she made +rather an abrupt retreat; discomposing the nerves of a small +nursery-maid, whom she encountered in the passage, to such a degree +that, as the girl expressed it, "she was took all of a sudden." + +I had given a quick, convulsive start as the first tones fell upon my +ear, and now sat bending over my sewing like a chidden child, almost +afraid to look up. I was one of those unlucky mortals who bear the blame +of everything wrong they witness; and having, in tender infancy, been +suddenly seized upon in Sunday school by the superintendent, and placed +in a conspicuous situation of disgrace for looking at a companion who +was performing some strange antic, but who possessed one of those +india-rubber faces that, after twisting themselves into all possible, or +rather impossible shapes, immediately become straight the moment any +one observes them--having, I say, met with this mortifying exposure, it +gave me a shock which I have not to this day recovered; and I cannot now +see any one start up hastily in pursuit of another without fancying +myself the culprit, and trembling accordingly. This sudden movement, +therefore, of my grandmother's threw me into an alarming state of +terror, and, quite still and subdued, I sat industriously stitching, all +the morning after. + +"Dear me!" said my mother with a sigh, "how much better you make them +mind than I can." + +"I see, Amy," said my grandmother kindly, "that your influence is very +weak--the care of of so large a family has prevented you from attending +to each one properly. You perceive the effect of a little well-timed +authority, and I do not despair of you yet. You are naturally," she +continued, "amiable and indolent, and though gentleness is certainly +agreeable and interesting, yet a constant succession of sweets cannot +fail to cloy, and engender a taste for something sharper and more +wholesome." + +Delicacy prevented me from remaining to hear my mother advised and +lectured, and the rest of my grandmother's discourse was therefore lost +to me; but whatever it was, I soon perceived its beneficial results--the +children were no longer permitted to roam indiscriminately through all +parts of the house--certain rooms were proof againt their +invasions--they became less troublesome and exacting, and far more +companionable. The worried look gradually cleared from my mother's brow, +and as my grandmother was extremely fond of sight-seeing, visiting, +tea-drinkings, and everything in the shape of company, she persevered in +dragging her daughter out day after day, until she made her enjoy it +almost as much as herself. Old acquaintances were hunted up and brought +to light, and new ones made through the exertions of my grandmother, +who, in consequence of such a sociable disposition, soon became very +popular. The young ones were banished to the nursery; and, as they were +no longer allowed to spend their days in eating, there was far less +sickness among them, and our family doctor's bill decreased amazingly. + +Our grandmother, having spent many years in the "mother-country," was +extremely English in her feelings and opinions, and highly advocated the +frugal diet on which the children of the higher classes are always kept. +Lord and Lady Grantham, the son-in-law and daughter at whose residence +she passed the time of her sojourn in England, were infallible models of +excellence and prudence; and the children were again and again informed +that their little English cousins were never allowed meat until the age +of seven, and considered it a great treat to get beef broth twice a +week. Butter was also a prohibited article of luxury--their usual +breakfast consisting of mashed potatoes, or bread and milk; and my +grandmother used to relate how one morning a little curly-headed thing +approached her with an air of great mystery, and whispered: "What _do_ +you think we had for breakfast?" "Something very good, I suspect--what +can it be?" "Guess." "O, I cannot; you must tell me." "_Buttered +bread_!" Our laughter increased as she gave an amusing account of the +blue eyes stretched to their utmost extent, as these wonderful words +were pronounced hesitatingly, as though doubtful of the effect; and in +consequence of various anecdotes of the same nature, the children's +impressions of England were by no means agreeable. Our little cousins +must certainly have been the most wonderful children ever heard of, for +by my grandmother's account, they could dance, sing, and speak French +almost as soon as they could walk. She also informed us, as a positive +fact, that on saying: "_Baisez, Cora--baisez la dame_," the very baby in +arms put up its rosebud lips to kiss the stranger mentioned. It would +have been stranger still for the younger children to speak English, as +they were always in the company of French nurses. + +Although my grandmother could so easily assume a stern and commanding +air, it was by no means habitual to her; and the children, though they +feared and never dared to dispute her authority, soon loved her with all +the pure, unselfish love of childhood, which cannot be bought. "Things +were not so and so when I was young," was a favorite remark of hers; and +as I one day remarked that "those must have been wonderful times when +old people were young," she smiled and said that "though not wonderful, +they were times when parents and teachers were much more strict with +children than they are now." I immediately experienced a strong desire +to be made acquainted with the circumstances of my grandmother's +childhood, and began hinting to that effect. + +"Were they very strict with you, grandmother?" asked we mischievously. + +She looked rather disconcerted for a moment, and then replied with a +smile: "Not very--I saw very little of my parents, being mostly left to +nurses and servants; but you all seem eager for information on that +point, and although there is absolutely nothing worth relating, you may +all come to my room this evening, and we will begin on the subject of my +younger days." + +We swallowed tea rather hastily, and danced off in high glee to my +grandmother's apartment, ready for the unfolding of unheard-of +occurrences and mysteries. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +We were all happily seated around the fire; the grate was piled up high +with coal, and threw a bright reflection upon the polished +marble--everything was ready to begin, when a most unfortunate question +of my sister Emma's interfered with our progress. She had settled +herself on a low stool at my grandmother's feet, and while we all sat in +silent expectation of the "once upon a time," or "when I was young," +which is generally the prelude to similar narratives, Emma suddenly +started up, and fixing an incredulous gaze upon our dignified relative, +exclaimed: "But were you _ever_ young, grandmother? I mean," she +continued, a little frightened at her own temerity, "were you ever as +little as I am now?" + +Some of us began to cough, others used their pocket-handkerchiefs, and +one and all waited in some anxiety for the effect. Emma, poor child! +seemed almost ready to sink through the floor under the many astonished +and reproving glances which she encountered; and my grandmother's +countenance at first betokened a gathering storm. + +But in a few moments this cleared up; and ashamed of her momentary anger +at this childish question, she placed her hand kindly on Emma's head as +she replied: "Yes, Emma, quite as little as you are--and it is of those +very times that I am going to tell you. I shall not begin at the +beginning, but speak of whatever happens to enter my mind, and a +complete history of my childhood will probably furnish employment for a +great many evenings. But I am very much averse to interruptions, and if +you have any particular questions to ask, all inquiries must be made +before I commence." + +"Were you born and did you live in America?" said I. + +"Yes," replied my grandmother, "I was born and lived in America, in the +State of New York. So much for the locality--now, what next?" + +"Did you ever see Washington?" inquired Bob, "And were you ever taken +prisoner and had your house burned by the British?" + +Bob was a great patriot, and on Saturdays practised shooting in the +attic with a bow and arrow, to perfect himself against the time of his +attaining to man's estate, when he fully intended to collect an army and +make an invasion on England. As an earnest of his hostile intentions, he +had already broken all the windows on that floor, and nearly +extinguished the eye of Betty, the chambermaid. To both of these +questions my grandmother replied in the negative, for she happened to +come into the world just after the Revolution; but in answer to Bob's +look of disappointment, she promised to tell him something about it in +the course of her narrative. + +"My two most prominent faults," said she, "were vanity and curiosity, +and these both led me into a great many scrapes, which I shall endeavor +to relate for your edification. I shall represent them just as they +really were, and if I do not make especial comments on each separate +piece of misconduct, it is because I leave you to judge for yourselves, +by placing them in their true light. I shall not tell you the year I was +born in," she continued, "for then there would be a counting on certain +little fingers to see how old grandmamma is now. When I was a child--a +_very_ young one--I used to say that I remembered very well the day on +which I was born, for mother was down stairs frying dough-nuts. This +nondescript kind of cake was then much more fashionable for the +tea-table than it is at the present day. My mother was quite famous for +her skill in manufacturing them, and my great delight was to superintend +her operations, and be rewarded for good behavior with a limited +quantity of dough, which I manufactured into certain uncouth images, +called 'dough-nut babies.' Sometimes these beloved creations of genius +performed rather curious gymnastics on being placed in the boiling +grease--such as twisting on one side, throwing a limb entirely over +their heads, &c.; while not unfrequently a leg or an arm was found +missing when boiled to the requisite degree of hardness. But sometimes, +oh, sad to relate! my fingers committed such unheard-of depredations in +the large bowl or tray appropriated by my mother, that I was sentenced +to be tied in a high chair drawn close to her side, whence I could +quietly watch her proceedings without being able to assist her. + +I know that our home was situated in a pleasant village which has long +since disappeared in the flourishing city; the house was of white brick, +three stories high, with rooms on each side of the front entrance. A +large and beautiful flower-garden was visible from the back windows; and +beyond this was a still larger fruit-garden, the gate of which was +generally locked, while a formidable row of nails with the points up, +repelled all attempts at climbing over the fence. The peaches, and +plums, apricots, nectarines, grapes, cherries, and apples were such as I +have seldom, if ever, seen since. My lather was wealthy, and my earliest +recollections are connected with large, handsomely-furnished rooms, +numerous servants, massive plate, and a constant succession of +dinner-parties and visitors. How often have I watched the servants as +they filled the decanters, rubbed the silver, and made other +preparations for company, while I drew comparisons between the lot of +the favored beings for whom these preparations were made, and my own, on +being condemned to the unvarying routine of the nursery. Childhood then +appeared to me a kind of penance which we were doomed to undergo--a sort +of imprisonment or chrysalis, which, like the butterfly, left us in a +fairy-like and beautiful existence. Little did I then dream of the +cares, and toils, and troubles from which that happy season is exempt. +My father realized in his own person, to the fullest extent, all the +traditionary legends of old English hospitality; he hated everything +like parsimony--delighted to see his table surrounded with visitors--and +in this was indulged to the extent of his wishes; for day after day +seemed to pass in our being put out of sight, where we could witness the +preparations going on for other people's entertainment. + +The presiding goddess in our region of the house was a faithful and +attached old nurse, whom we all called 'Mammy.' Although sometimes a +little sharp, as was necessary to keep such wild spirits in order, the +old nurse was invariably kind, and even indulgent. It was well indeed +for us that she was so, for we were left almost entirely to her +direction, and saw very little of any one else. Mammy's everyday attire +consisted of a calico short-gown, with large figures, and a stuff +petticoat, with a cap whose huge ruffles stood up in all directions; +made after a pattern which I have never since beheld, and in which the +crown formed the principal feature. But this economical dress was not +for want of means; for Mammy's wardrobe boasted several silk gowns, and +visitors seldom stayed at the house without making her a present. On +great occasions, she approached our beau-ideal of an empress, by +appearing in a black silk dress lace collar, and gold repeater at her +side. This particular dress Mammy valued more highly than any of the +others, for my father had brought it to her, as a present, from Italy, +and the pleasant consciousness of being recollected in this manner by +her master was highly gratifying to the old nurse. + +I was an only daughter, with several wild brothers, and I often thought +that Mammy displayed most unjust partiality. For instance, there was +Fred who never did anything right--upset his breakfast, dinner, and +tea--several times set the clothes-horse, containing the nursery +wardrobe, in a blaze--was forever getting lost, and, when sought for, +often found dangling from a three-story window, hanging on by two +fingers, and even one--who would scarcely have weighed a person's life +in the scale with a successful joke--and always had a finger, foot, or +eye bound up as the result of his hair-brained adventures. I really +believe that Mammy bestowed all a mother's affection on this wild, +reckless boy; he seldom missed an opportunity of being impertinent, and +yet Mammy invariably said that 'Fred had a saucy tongue, but a good +heart.' This _good-heartedness_ probably consisted in drowning kittens, +worrying dogs, and throwing stones at every bird he saw. Fred always had +the warmest seat, the most thickly-buttered bread and the largest piece +of pie. I remember one day on watching Mammy cut the pie, I observed, as +usual, that she reserved the largest piece. + +"Who is that for?" I enquired, although perfectly aware of its intended +destination. + +"O, no one in particular," replied Mammy. + +"Well then" said I, "I believe I'll take it." + +"There! there!" exclaimed Mammy, pointing her finger at me, "See the +greedy girl! Now you shall not have it, just for asking for it." The +disputed piece was immediately deposited on Fred's plate; and from that +day forth I gave up all hopes of the largest piece of pie. + +O, that Fred was an imp! There was nothing in the shape of mischief, +which he would not do. If left to amuse the baby, he often amused +himself by tying a string to its toe, and every now and then giving it a +sudden pull. The child would cry, of course, and, on the approach of any +one, Master Fred sat looking as demure as possible, while trying to keep +his little brother quiet. The string would then be twitched again for +his own private edification; and it was sometime before the trick was +discovered. My brother Henry had at one time several little chickens, of +which he became very fond. Day after day he fed, admired, and caressed +them; and Fred, who never could bear to see others happy long, began to +revolve in his own mind certain plans respecting the chickens. One by +one they disappeared, until the number decreased alarmingly; but no +traces of them could be found. We were questioned, but, as all denied +the charge, the culprit remained undiscovered, although strong +suspicions rested on Fred. At last the indignant owner came upon him one +day, as he stood quietly watching the struggles of two little chickens +in a tub of water. Henry bitterly exclaimed against this cruelty, but +Fred innocently replied that "he had no hand in the matter; he had +thought, for some time, how much prettier they would look swimming like +ducks, and therefore tried to teach them--but the foolish things +persisted in walking along with their eyes shut, and so got drowned." + +But one of Fred's grand _coup-d'oeils_ was the affair of the +cherry-pie. In those days ladies attended more to their household +affairs than they do at present; and my mother, an excellent +housekeeper, was celebrated for her pastry--cherry-pies in particular. +It was the Fourth of July; the boys were released from school, and +roaming about in quest of mischief as boys always are--and, as a rare +thing, we had no company that day, except my aunt, who had come from a +distance on a visit to my mother, while my father had gone to return one +of the numerous visits paid him. Cherry-pie was a standing dish at our +house with which to celebrate the Declaration of Independence. The +servants had all gone out for a holiday, no dinner was cooked, and the +sole dependence was on the cherry-pie. + +They sat down to dinner, and I heard my mother say: "Now, sister Berthy, +I really hope you will enjoy this pie, for I bestowed extra pains upon +it, and placed it up in the bed-room pantry out of the boys' reach, who +are very apt to nibble off the edge of the crust. This time, I see, they +have not meddled with it." + +The pie was cut; but alas! for the hollowness of human triumphs; the +knife met a wilderness of crust and vacancy, but no cherries. The +bed-room pantry had a window opening on a shed, and into that window +Fred, the scape-grace, had adroitly climbed, carefully lifted the upper +crust from the cherished pie, and abstracted all the cherries. My mother +locked him up, for punishment, but having unfortunately selected a sort +of store-room pantry, he made himself sick with sweetmeats, broke all +the jars he could lay hands on, and, finally, discovering a pair of +scissors, he worked at the lock, spoiled it, and let himself out. + +At one time, being rather short of cash, he helped himself to a +five-dollar bill from my mother's drawer; but even _his_ conscience +scarcely resting under so heavy an embezzlement, he got it changed, took +half a dollar, and then put the rest back in the drawer. This +considerateness led to a discovery; they all knew that no one but Fred +would have been guilty of so foolish, and at the same time so dishonest +a thing. + +My favorite brother was Henry; just three years older than myself, +manly, amiable, and intellectual in his tastes, he appeared to me +infinitely superior to any one I had ever seen; and we two were almost +inseparable. In winter he always carried me to school on his sled, saw +that Fred did not rob me of my dinner, and was always ready to explain a +difficult lesson. He was an extremely enterprising boy, with an +inexhaustible fund of ingenuity and invention; but, like most geniuses, +received more blame than praise. When quite small he constructed a sort +of gun made of wood, which would discharge a small ball of paper, +pebble, &c. This became a very popular plaything in the nursery, and for +once the inventor received due praise, on account of its keeping the +children so quiet. But one day Fred undertook to teach the year old baby +the art of shooting with it; and with a small corn for a bullet, he +placed the toy in the child's hands, turning the mouth the wrong way. +The young soldier pulled the trigger in delight, and by some strange +mischance, the corn flew up his nose. The doctor was hastily brought, +the child relieved with a great deal of difficulty, the dangerous +plaything burned, and poor Henry sent to coventry for an unlimited time. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +We had a girl named Jane Davis whom my mother had brought up from +childhood. At the period to which I refer, she could not have been more +than fourteen, and as she was always good-humored and willing to oblige, +she became a general favorite. Often, in the early winter evenings, with +the nursery as tidy as hands could make it, (for Mammy, although not an +old maid, was a mortal enemy to dirt and slovenliness) we all gathered +round the fire, while the old nurse and Jane spun out long stories, +sometimes of things which had happened to them, sometimes of things +which had happened to others, and often of things that never did or +could happen to anybody. But I must do them the justice to say, that +although they sometimes related almost impossible occurrencies, they +never, on any one occasion, took advantage of their influence over us to +enforce our obedience by frighful tales of old men with bags, who seem +to have an especial fancy for naughty children. The nearest approach +that Mammy ever made to anything of this kind was to tell us, when we +began to look sleepy, that the sandman had been along and filled our +eyes. On receiving this information, we generally retired peaceably to +bed, without being haunted by any fears of ghost or goblin. + +There was a wealthy and fashionable family who lived just opposite, +consisting of a widower, his sister, and two children--a son and +daughter. They lived in most extravagant style, and Jane positively +assured us that the housekeeper had told her with her own lips that +there was no end to Mr. Okeman's wealth, and that he even made his +daughter eat bank-bills on her bread and butter! Whether the son was +exempted from this disagreeable performance we never thought of +inquiring; but our awe rose ten percent, for a girl who was so rich as +absolutely to devour money. On being divulged, this grand secret amused +the inmates of the drawing-room very much, and our parents could +scarcely command their countenances to undeceive us. + +Jane Davis remained with us as nursery-maid until she was eighteen, when +my mother, who was always extremely kind to servants and dependants, +placed her at a trade, and supported her comfortably until she learned +enough to support herself. She afterwards married a carpenter, who +always performed for my father those odd jobs that are constantly +required in a house, and they came to live in a kind of cottage at the +end of the garden. They there commenced farming on a small scale, and +often supplied us with milk, eggs, poultry, &c. + +Mammy was a firm believer in signs of good and evil import; thus, if, in +dropping the scissors, they stood up erect on the point, she always said +that visitors were coming--a sign that rarely failed, as we were seldom +a day without them. Once I had wished very much for a large wax-doll. My +dreams were beautified with waxen images of immense size, whose china +blue eyes, long flaxen curls, and rosy cheeks, presented a combination +of charms that took my heart by storm. I sat one night, as usual, by the +nursery fire; my thoughts fixed on this all-engrossing subject, when I +ventured to communicate them to Mammy, and ask her if she thought I ever +would become the enviable possessor of such a doll. + +"I don't know," replied Mammy at first, "I think it's very doubtful. But +come here," she added, "and let me see your hand." + +After an examination, Mammy pronounced with an air of great mystery that +circumstances were propitious, and she was almost convinced beyond a +doubt that ere long the doll would be mine. She then pointed out to me a +small white spot on my left thumb nail, which she said always denoted a +present. I was rather incredulous at first, not conceiving that so +brilliant a dream could be realized; but after a while the doll actually +made its appearance, and I began to regard Mammy as something little +short of a witch, and became far more tractable in consequence of my +increased awe. + +Jane's stories, as well as Mammy's always began with "Once upon a time +there were two sisters;" one was represented as plain-looking, but +amiable--the other beautiful, but a very Zantippe in temper. By some +wonderful combination of circumstances, the elder lost her beauty and +ugliness at the same time--when some good fairy always came along, who, +by a magic touch of her wand, made both the sisters far more lovely than +the elder had been. Beauty was always the burden of the tale; people who +were not beautiful met with no adventures, and seemed to lead a hum-drum +sort of life; therefore, I insensibly learned to regard this wonderful +possession as something very much to be desired. I believe I was quite a +pretty child, with dark bright eyes, red lips, and a pair of very rosy +cheeks. I spent considerable time before the glass, and both Mammy and +Jane began to fear the effects of vanity. Often and often would the old +nurse say: "You needn't stand before the glass, Miss Amy--there is +nothing to look at," or when in a bad humor, "Don't make such faces, +child--you have no beauty to spare," and I can very well remember how +both would endeavor to persuade me that I was the most veritable little +fright that ever existed, and quite a bugbear to my relations. + +"What a pity," Jane would commence, as she saw me surveying myself with +an air of infinite satisfaction, "what a pity it is that Miss Amy has +such a dark, ugly skin--almost like an Indian, isn't it, nurse?" + +I had eyes to judge for myself, and knew that I was much fairer than +either Mammy or Jane; and somebody had remarked in my presence: "What a +lovely neck and shoulders!" therefore I generally remained perfectly +quiet while listening to these inuendoes. + +"Yes," Mammy would reply, "a very great pity--but an amiable temper, +Miss Amy, is more than looks; you must try and cultivate that, to make +up for your want of beauty." + +"And then," continued Jane, "only see how perfectly straight her hair +is! not a sign of curl, nor even a twist!--and black eyes have such a +wicked kind of a look; they always remind me of cannibals." + +Jane's eyes were as blue and bright as glass beads, while Mammy's, I +thought, approached a green, but with my own I felt perfectly satisfied; +for a lady had remarked in my presence what beautiful eyes I +had--adding that "dark eyes were so much more expressive than blue; blue +ones were so very insipid looking." The observation about my hair, +though, was only too correct, and touched me most sensibly. While most +of the other children possessed those soft, flowing curls, so beautiful +in childhood, mine obstinately refused to wave; and was, to use Jane's +expression, "as straight and as stiff as a poker." I had endeavored to +remedy this as far as lay in my power, and one day set my hair in a +blaze, while curling it with a very hot pipe-stem. I was, in +consequence, deemed one of the most abandoned of the nursery inmates; +and found myself minus at least one half of the hair I had hitherto +possessed. + +I really believe that both Jane and Mammy sincerely hoped to eradicate +my besetting sin, by such blunt remarks as the former; but no course +could have been less wise than the one which they took. I knew very well +that I was neither a fright, an Indian, nor a cannibal; and the pains +which they took to convince me to the contrary led me to give myself +credit for much more beauty than I really possessed. I also regarded +amiability as a virtue of very small account; and supposed that those +who practised it, only did so because they possessed neither beauty, +grace, nor anything else to recommend them. + +A great source of annoyance to me was my dress. As I was an only +daughter, some mothers, with the same means, would have enhanced my +attractions with all the aid of ornament, and established me as a +permanent divinity of the drawing-room, whom all must bow to and flatter +as they entered its precincts. But, although fond of display, and +surrounded with all the appliances of wealth, the taste of my parents +never did run much on dress; and I often felt mortified at my +inferiority to others in this respect. Such articles were then much +dearer, and more in vogue than at the present day, and a blue Circassian +formed my entire stock of gala dresses, and went the rounds of all the +children's parties I attended; my mother seemed to think, (with respect +to me, at least,) that as long as a dress was clean and in good repair, +there was no need of a change--she left nothing to the pleasure of +variety. There appeared to be an inexhaustible store of the same +material in a certain capacious drawer; did an elbow give out, a new +sleeve instantly supplied its place--did I happen to realize the ancient +saying: "There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip," and make my +lap the recipient of some of the goodies provided for us at our +entertainments, the soiled front breadth disappeared, and was replaced +by another, fresh and new--did the waist grow short, it was made over +again--there verily seemed to be no end to the dress; I came to the +conclusion that blue Circassian was the most ugly material ever +invented, and often found myself calculating how many yards there might +be left. + +My school hats always looked the worse for wear, and my Sunday ones were +not much better; but once my mother took me to the city, and bought me, +for school, a far handsomer hat than I had hitherto worn for best, and a +still better one for great occasions. Here I, who scarcely ever looked +decent about the upper story, actually had two new hats at once! The +best one, I remember, was a round gipsy flat, then altogether the +fashion; and the first Sunday I put it on I made a perfect fool of +myself by twisting my hair in strings, intended to pass for natural +ringlets, and allowing said strings to hang all around beneath the brim +of my hat. Mamma was sick and confined to her room, and I managed to +appear at church with this ridiculous head-gear. People certainly stared +a little, but this my vanity easily converted into looks of admiration +directed towards my new hat, and perhaps also my improved beauty--and +came home more full of self-complacency than ever. + +I have before mentioned that beyond the house there was a large +fruit-garden, respecting which, my father's orders were especially +strict. He expressly forbade our touching any of the fruit unless he +gave us permission; and nothing made him more angry than to have any +gathered before it was quite ripe. It certainly requires a child whose +principle of honesty is a very strong one, to pass every day in full +view of an endless bed of ripening strawberries, whose uncommon size and +luscious hue offered so many temptations. But bad as I was, I think I +was generally pretty honest, and resisted the temptation to the best of +my ability. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +I think I was about five years old, when one bright May morning my +brother Henry received especial instructions to be careful of me, and +see that I fell into no mischief on the occasion of my first day at +school. The luncheon-basket was packed with twice the usual quantity of +sandwiches, into which Mammy slyly tucked a small paper of sweet things +as a sort of comforter, with repeated injunctions to Henry not to make a +mistake and confiscate them for his own private use. A superfluous +caution--for Henry was the most generous little fellow that ever lived; +and was far more likely to fall short himself than that others should +suffer through him. Both Jane and Mammy kissed me repeatedly. I had on a +new dress of light, spotted calico, and a straw hat, with a green +ribbon, and a deep green silk cape--underneath the binding of my apron a +small handkerchief had been carefully pinned--a small blue-covered book, +and a slate with a long, sharp-pointed pencil tied on with a red cord, +were placed in my hands; and from these ominous preparations, and the +uncommon kindness of every one around, I concluded that I was at last to +meet with some adventure--perhaps to suffer martyrdom of some kind or +other. + +Poor Jane! My great passion was for beads, and when she perceived, from +various indications, that I was not exactly pleased with the change, she +ran up stairs, hastily loosened a whole string from a cherished +necklace, and returning quickly, slipped them into my hand. My mother +also came into the nursery to see that I was perfectly neat, kissed me +affectionately as she whispered to me to be a good girl and learn to +read, and with a strange, undefined sensation at my heart, I found +myself in the street with my hand fast locked in that of Henry. It was +that lovely season of the year when the fruit-trees are all in bloom; +and the sweet, flower-laden breeze, the busy hum of human life that rose +around, and the bounding, restless spirit of childhood, made me shrink +from the bondage I was about to enter. + +The school-house was a very pretty cottage with a trellised front of +bean-vines and honeysuckle; and when I entered I found, to my great +surprise, that Miss Sewell, the teacher, looked very much like other +people. There were two moderate-sized rooms, opening into each other, in +one of which Mr. Sewell superintended several desks of unruly boys--in +the other, his daughter directed the studies of about twenty little +girls. There were some large girls seated at the desks, who appeared to +me so very antiquated that I was almost afraid to hazard an idea +respecting their ages; and had I been asked how old they were, should +probably have replied 'at least fifty;' although I do not now suppose +the eldest was more than fourteen. + +Rather stunned by the buzz and noise of the classes reciting, and very +much puzzled as to my own probable destiny, I began to climb the hill +of knowledge. I said my letters; and Miss Sewell, having found that I +knew them pretty well, (thanks to Mammy's patient teaching), allowed me +to spell in _a-b, ab_, and _b-a, ba_, and set me some straight marks on +my slate. I met with nothing remarkable during my first day at school; +and on my return informed Mammy, as the result of my studies, that two +and one make four. Nor could I be persuaded to the contrary; for, +although I had been taught by the old nurse to count as far as ten, on +being examined by Miss Sewell, either bashfulness or obstinacy prevented +me from displaying the extent of my knowledge--and, while endeavoring to +explain to me how many one and one make, she had said: "There is one, to +begin with; well now, one more makes two," therefore as one made two in +this case, I supposed it did in every other. + +I learned to love the mild countenance of Miss Sewell, with her plain +dark hair and soft eyes, and was never happier then when she was invited +to tea; for then I was emancipated from the nursery and placed beside +her at table. I dearly loved to take her fruit and flowers; and white +lilies, roses, honey-suckles, and the most admired productions of our +garden were daily laid on Miss Sewell's table. For rewards we had a +great many wide, bright-colored ribbons, which were tied upon our arms, +that every one might see them as we went home; and she who could boast a +variety of ribbons was known to have been perfect in all her lessons. +Those who had fallen into disgrace were distinguished by a broad band +passed around the head, on the front of which was written in large +characters the name of the misdemeanor. + +One morning I had been rather negligent, and, having my suspicions as to +the consequence, told Mammy of my fears, and my dread of the disgrace. +The old nurse's anger even exceeded mine; she declared that her child +should not be treated so, and advised me to snatch it off and tear it to +pieces. I went to school, not having exactly made up my mind whether to +follow this advice or not; but my afternoon lessons fully made up for +the deficiency of the morning, and I escaped the dreaded punishment. I +had gone with several companions to the closet in which we deposited +our hats and shawls, and while engaged in the process of robing, I heard +a very loud voice talking in great excitement, and one which I +immediately recognised. I overheard Mammy exclaiming: "Where is my +child? Has she got that horrid thing on her head? I want to take it off +before she goes home." + +Blushing with mortification, as I noticed the tittering of the +school-girls, called forth by the loud tone and strange figure of the +old nurse, who had rushed into the room in her usual attire of +short-gown and petticoat, I came hastily forward, and was immediately +seized by Mammy, who exclaimed in surprise: "Why, I though you said you +were going to have that thing on your head! I was determined that no +child of mine should wear it, so I came after you to take it off." + +Mammy was one of the most independent persons I ever saw; she cared for +no one's frown, and poured forth the whole love of her warm Irish heart +upon us--tormenting and troublesome as we were. Sometimes she sung to us +of "Acushla machree" and "Mavourneen," and Mammy's Irish songs were +especial favorites with the young fry of the nursery. When we were +particularly obstreperous, she threatened to go away and leave us, and +never come back again; a threat which always produced copious showers of +tears, and promises of better behavior. Often have I watched her in +dismay as she dressed herself to go out--fearful that she would really +put her threat in execution, especially as conscience whispered that I +deserved it. At such times, nothing pacified me except the deposit of +her spectacles; when once the case was lodged in my possession, I felt +sure of Mammy--knowing that she could not stay long without them. +Sometimes she would tell us of her life in Ireland; but no act did she +more bitterly deplore than her marriage; complaining that the object of +her choice was far from what he appeared to be when she married him--and +further observing that as he turned out a very bad speculation, and +never gave her anything but a thimble, she wisely left him to his own +society, and emigrated to America. + +Mammy very often kept the key of the fruit-garden; and as she never +yielded it to our entreaties, the ever-ready Fred formed a conspiracy +one Sunday afternoon, in which, I am sorry to say, I took a very +conspicuous part--the object of which was to purloin the key, and enjoy +at last this long-coveted, forbidden pleasure. Fred actually succeeded +in abstracting it from Mammy's capacious pocket, and in high glee we +proceeded to the garden. It was in the time of peaches; there hung the +lucious fruit in such profusion, that the trees were almost borne down +by its weight. We ate till we could eat no longer; and then, happening +to see two or three men passing along, we threw some over the fence to +them. They, in return, threw us some pennies; and, delighted with the +success of our frolic, we continued to throw and receive, until startled +by a most unwelcome apparition. There, at the foot of the tree, stood +Mammy--her face expressing the utmost astonishment and indignation, and +her hands extended to seize us. She had watched our manoeuvres from one +of the windows, and astonishment at our boldness and ingenuity kept her +for sometime a silent spectator. But Mammy was not apt to be _silent_ +long while witnessing our misdeeds; and in an incredible short space of +time she gained the use of both her feet and her tongue. Our companions +caught a glimpse of flying drapery rapidly advancing, and rather +suddenly made their retreat; while we, now trembling, detected culprits, +took up a line of march for the house. + +Not so, Fred; defying Mammy to capture him, and laughing at her dismay, +he started off on a run, and she after him in full pursuit. We watched +the chase from the nursery-window; and as Fred was none of the thinnest, +and Mammy somewhat resembled a meal-bag with a string tied round the +middle, it proved to be quite exciting. But it was brought to an +untimely end by the apparition of a pair of spectacles over the fence; +said spectacles being the undisputed property of a middle-aged +gentleman--a bachelor, who, we suspected, always stayed home from church +on Sunday afternoons to keep the neighbors in order. With +horror-stricken eyes he had beheld only the latter part of the scene, +and conceiving the old nurse to be as bad as her rebellious charge, he +called out from his garden, which communicated with ours: + +"My good woman, do you know that this is Sunday?--Depend upon it, a +person of your years would feel much better to be quietly reading in +your own apartment, than racing about the garden in this unseemly +manner." + +Poor Mammy! she was well aware of this before; flushed, heated, and +almost overcome with fatigue, she looked the very picture of +uncomfortableness; and this last aggravation increased the feeling to a +tenfold degree. At that moment, Fred, unconsciously, stumbled into her +very arms; she looked up--the spectacles had disappeared--and convinced +of this fact, she bore him in triumph to the nursery. + +We had all expected personal chastisement, at the very least, but we +were thrown into a greater degree of horror and dismay than could well +be conceived; Mammy placed her spectacles in her pocket, collected her +valuables, and put on her hat and things, to take passage for Ireland. +We hung about her in every attitude of entreaty--acknowledged our +misdemeanors, promised amendment, and an entire confession of all the +sins we had ever perpetrated. I do think we must have remained upon our +knees at least half an hour; never had Mammy seemed so hard-hearted +before, and we began to think that she might be in earnest after all. We +begged her to whip us--lock us up--anything but leave us; and at last +she relented. She told us that she considered us the most abandoned +children that ever were born; and wished that she had two additional +eyes at the back of her head to watch our movements. We promised to +spend the afternoon in learning hymns and verses; and Mammy, having +taken her position in the large easy-chair, with a footstool at her +feet, tied Fred to one of the legs, as he sat on a low bench at her +side, and made us all study. We succeeded pretty well; although +considerably terrified at the sharp looks which Mammy from time to time +bestowed upon us. + +In the evening came the promised confession; and both Mammy and Jane +were rendered almost dumb by these dreadful instances of depravity. Such +secret and unsuspected visits to the store-room pantry--such +conspiracies against locks and bolts--such scaling of walls, and +climbing in at windows, were never heard of before. I rather suspected +Fred to have drawn upon his imagination for instances of the marvellous, +for such adventures as he related never could have been met with; but +Mammy and Jane believed it all. At the conclusion, the old nurse seemed +very much disposed to punish us at once for all these united +misdemeanors--and was only prevented by our remonstrating upon the plea +of a voluntary confession. + +That night I lay awake, pretending to sleep, and heard Mammy and her +satellite discussing our conduct in all its enormity. Considerably +influenced by their unaffected horror and astonishment, the thought for +the first time rushed upon my mind, that perhaps I might be much worse +than other people. It troubled me considerably; I found it impossible to +sleep, and following a good impulse, I crept softly out of bed, and +falling on my knees before Mammy, whispered to her to pray for me. There +must have been a very different expression on my countenance from its +usual one; for I afterwards heard the old nurse tell Jane that I +reminded her of an angel. I felt utterly miserable; and sobbing +convulsively, I begged Mammy to pray, not that I might have a new heart, +but that I might live a great while. I had begun to fear speedy +punishment for my misdemeanors. The old nurse, (although a really pious +woman), seemed quite at a loss how to proceed; and Jane, coming forward, +took me kindly by the hand, and reasoned with me on my conduct with all +the wisdom of riper years and a higher education. After convincing me +that I should ask, not for an increased number of years, but for a new +heart and temper, she knelt down with me and repeated the Lord's prayer. + +The scene is indelibly impressed upon my memory; for although I have +since witnessed scenes containing more stage effect, and quite as +melting, I never in my life remember to have been so affected as, with +Jane's arm around me, and the light of the nursery-lamp shining upon our +kneeling figures, I distinctly heard Mammy's sobs, as she repeated each +word with a peculiar intonation of reverence. I felt a respect for the +young girl ever afterwards; and as I clasped my arms about her neck and +pressed a warm kiss on her cheek, as I bade her good-night, the tone of +my voice must have been unusually tender--for I saw tears come into her +eyes as she asked Mammy if she was not afraid, from my flushed cheeks, +that I had some fever. Although petulant, and even violent when roused, +I had a warm, loving heart, capable of the most unbounded affection; and +from that time forth Jane and I never had a single dispute. She had +appeared to me in a new light on that Sabbath eve; and with my hand +locked in hers, I fell into a sweet, dreamy sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +One of my great troubles, and one too which I regarded in a pretty +serious light, was the obeisance I had been taught to make on meeting +"the minister's wife." I never came within view of this formidable +personage that I did not hesitate and tremble; while I looked wildly +around, in the vain hope of discovering a place of refuge. After +performing my awkward courtesy, I usually hastened on as fast as +possible, being oppressed with a most uncomfortable sensation of awe in +the presence of Mrs. Eylton. This was occasioned by the quiet observance +which I, like other children, took of the conduct of those around me. +Everything in the house seemed to be at her command; if Mrs. Eylton sent +for a thing she must have it immediately; and I drew my conclusions +that "the minister's wife" was a sort of petty sovereign, placed over +the town or village in which she resided, and that all we possessed was +held under her. + +Almost every day brought a request from Mrs. Eylton for the loan of some +article in our possession; a repetition of which would naturally lead +one to conclude that ministers merely procured a house, and then +depended for everything else on the charity of the public. This +borrowing mania appeared to gather strength from indulgence, for none of +the neighbors would refuse, whatever the article might be; and our +waffle-iron, toasting-fork, Dutch-oven, bake-pan, and rolling-pin were +frequently from home on visits of a week's duration. On sending for our +muffin-rings or cake-pans, we often received a message to be expeditious +in our manufactures; that Mrs. Eylton could spare them for a day or so, +"but wanted to use them again very shortly." Our parents would buy such +conveniences, send them to the kitchen of Mrs. Eylton, and borrow them +from time to time, if in perfect accordance with that lady's +convenience. She would even borrow her neighbor's servants, and often at +very inconvenient times. Jane had often been sent for to take care of +the children; and the usual request came one afternoon that seemed to me +stamped with most remarkable events. + +We were in a kind of sitting-room on the ground-floor, and my father sat +writing at a small table near the window. A servant entered with the +announcement: "Mrs. Eylton, ma'am, wants to borrow Jane." + +An expression of vexation crossed my mother's countenance as she +remarked: "I do not know how I can possibly spare Jane this afternoon; +Mammy has gone out, and I do not feel inclined to attend to the children +myself." + +My father looked up from his writing as he observed: "Nor do I see the +necessity of your being troubled with them, Laura." + +"Not see the necessity!" exclaimed my mother, "How can I refuse the wife +of our minister? I would be willing to put up with some inconvenience +for Mr. Eylton's sake. Poor man! he has a hard time of it, with his +talents and refinement." + +"No doubt he has," said my father, pityingly; then, in a more merry +tone, he added: "But can you think of no other alternative, Laura, than +disobliging Mrs. Eylton, if you object to this juvenile infliction for a +whole long summer's afternoon?" + +My father was of a bolder, more determined character than my mother, and +had, withal, a spice of fun in his composition; and the expression of +his eyes now rendered her apprehensive of some sudden scheme that might +create a feeling of justifiable anger in Mrs. Eylton. + +"Dearest Arthur!" she exclaimed beseechingly, as she placed a soft hand +on his shoulder, "Do not, I beseech of you, put in execution any +outlandish plan respecting Mrs. Eylton!--Do let Jane go as usual; for +she is not one to understand a joke, I can assure you--she will be +offended by it." + +"And pray, madam," asked my father, with assumed gravity, "what has led +you to suppose that I intended making Mrs. Eylton the subject of a +joke? Away with you," he continued, with a mischievous look at those +pleading eyes, "Away with you, and let me do as I choose." + +Turning to the servant, he asked: "Mrs. Eylton has, I believe, requested +the loan of other articles besides our domestics--has she ever sent to +borrow any of the children?" + +"Indeed, and she has not, sir," replied the girl, with difficulty +repressing a laugh. + +"Well then," said he, "we will now send her both the article she +requested, and some articles which she did not request. Tell Jane to be +ready to go to Mrs. Eylton's with the children." + +"Yes sir," and the servant departed to execute her commission. + +"Arthur!" remonstrated my mother. + +"Not a word!" said my father gaily. "Children," he continued, "do you +wish to go? What says my madcap, Amy?" + +Madcap Amy, for once in her life, said nothing--being too much awed and +astonished to reply. To think that I should actually enter the house, +and be face to face with the formidable Mrs. Eylton? The idea was +appalling; and for sometime I sat biting my nails in thoughful silence. +It was so sudden, it had always appeared to me that a great deal must be +gone through with--a great many different degrees of intimacy +surmounted, before I should ever find myself within the house of Mrs. +Eylton; but here was I, without the least warning, to be transformed +from the bashful child, who made no sign of recognition save an awkward +courtesy, into the regular visitor--and for a whole afternoon! No wonder +I took so long to deliberate. Though not particularly remarkable for +bashfulness or timidity at home, and despite a character for violence +in, "fighting my own battles," to assert some infringed right, I +absolutely trembled at the idea of encountering strangers; and this +visit to Mrs. Eylton's appeared, to my excited mind, like thrusting +myself into the enemy's quarters. + +But then curiosity rose up in all its powers, to baffle my fear; I did +_so_ want to see how the house looked inside, and whether they really +had anything that was not borrowed! And then who knows, thought I, but +what Mrs. Eylton will show me the inside of some of her drawers? I dare +say she has a great many pretty things. There was nothing which gave me +greater delight than looking into other people's drawers, and turning +over those remnants of various things which are stored away in most +houses--in many for the mere love of hoarding. Mamma would sometimes +allow me to arrange certain little drawers containing jewelry, ribbons, +and odds and ends. But the charmed room in our house was one that was +always kept locked, and, from the circumstance of a green ribbon being +attached to the key, we called it "the green-ribbon room." + +Dear me! what a collection that room contained. There were several large +trunks that nearly covered the floor, besides boxes, and bags, and +bundles; and these were filled with cast-off clothes, silks, ribbons, +and bunches of artificial flowers and feathers. The room was not very +often opened; it was at the very top of the house, and lighted by a +large dormar-window; but as soon as mamma mounted the stairs, with the +key in her hand, the alarm was given: "Quick! mother is going to the +green-ribbon room!" and mamma's ears were immediately refreshed by the +sound of numerous little feet moving up stairs at locomotive speed, with +the ostensible purpose of assisting her in her researches--but in +reality, to be getting in her way, and begging for everything we saw. It +was, "Mamma, mayn't we have this?" or, "mayn't we have that?" or "Do say +yes, just this once; and we'll never ask you for anything again as long +as we live--never," a promise faithfully kept till next time. + +Mamma sometimes tried to go up very softly, in order to elude our +vigilance; but it wouldn't do. She often wondered how we found out that +that she was there, but we seldom missed an opportunity. Now and then a +dear little pitcher, or a vase of cream-colored ground with a wreath of +faint pink roses traced around it, or a cluster of bright-colored +flowers in the centre, arrested our attention, and called forth +rhapsodies of admiration. I supposed that everybody had just such a +room; and it was very probable, I thought, that Mrs. Eylton might chance +to open hers during our visit. Therefore I decided that, notwithstanding +my terror of the lady, a greater amount of pleasure might be obtained +by going there, than by staying at home. + +So Jane, with her own trim person as neat as possible, bore off her +charges to the nursery, in order, as she said, "to make us fit to be +seen." "Mrs. Eylton might see this," or "notice that," and I felt +uncomfortably convinced that Mrs. Eylton must possess the sharpest pair +of eyes it had ever been my misfortune to encounter. Finally, we set +off; I remember being dressed in a white frock, with a broad sash, and +experiencing a consciousness of looking remarkably well, in spite of my +hair--which, having obstinately repulsed all Jane's advances with tongs +and curl-papers, was suffered to remain in all its native straightness. + +It was summer, and a multiflora rose-vine, which extended over the front +of the parsonage, was then in full flower; while, as we mounted the +steps, I distinguished through the green blind door glimpses of a +pleasant-looking garden beyond. We entered the back parlor, where sat +Mrs. Eylton attired for a walk, and surrounded by three children, all +younger than myself. The minister's lady did not appear quite so +formidable on a close survey; though the aspect of her countenance was +by no means promising, as her eye fell upon us. + +"Well, Jane," she commenced, in the tone of one who felt herself +injured, "you have kept me waiting some time--how is this? Punctuality +is a virtue very becoming in a young person." + +Jane looked exceedingly disconcerted at this address; but at length she +replied, that "she could not get the children ready before." + +"_The children_!" repeated Mrs. Eylton; while, young as I was, I plainly +read in her countenance, "What possessed you to bring _them_ here?" + +"Yes ma'am," replied Jane, gathering more courage as she proceeded, +"Mrs. Chesbury sent them with me to spend the afternoon. She had no one +to attend to them at home." + +In the meantime I became aware, as I glanced around the room, that the +prospect for the afternoon promised very little amusement. Mrs. Eylton +soon after left us, telling Jane to be very careful that we got into no +mischief; and, with, a feeling of disappointment, I saw the door close +behind her. In my scenting of the apartment I became very much struck +with the appearance of a curious looking little work-stand, containing +three small drawers. Immediately my imagination was at work upon their +contents; and I determined, if possible, to satisfy my curiosity. Mrs. +Eylton had departed without making any provision for our amusement, and +I saw no reason why I should not examine the drawers--especially if I +handled things carefully, and put them all back again. Probably they +were in disorder, and then what a pleasant surprise it would be for Mrs. +Eylton to find them all neatly arranged on her return! + +Jane now proposed walking in the garden; and to avoid suspicion, I +joined the party for the present. There were a great many flower-beds, +very prettily laid out; and at the end of a wide path stood a pleasant +little summer-house, half-buried in vines. We established ourselves +there, from whence we could view the whole garden; and with a pretence +of looking again at the flowers, I soon made my escape, and returned to +the house. A wide glass-door opened from the back room into the garden, +and carefully closing this, I approached the table and attempted to open +the drawers. I tried the first one,--it was locked; the second,--and met +with no better success. Almost in despair, I placed my hands on the +third, and that finally yielded to my efforts. I beheld heterogeneous +rows of pins, papers of needles, &c., and was about to shut it in +disappointment, when my glance fell on a small box. Small, +mysterious-looking boxes always possessed a talismanic attraction in my +eyes; and the next moment I was busily at work examining the contents. +The round lid lifted, I found my gaze irresistibly fascinated by a +child's face, with fair, curling hair, and azure eyes. But the great +beauty lay in its expression; that was so calm, holy, and serene, that I +felt insensibly better as I gazed upon it. It was a peculiar face; and I +became so wrapt in its contemplation as to lose all hearing of what +passed around, until a step sounded close beside me. + +I looked up, and fairly trembled with terror and dismay. There stood +Mr. Eylton, gazing on me in surprise, as if quite at a loss what to make +of the circumstance; but as his eye fell upon the picture, I noticed +that an expression of sadness crossed his countenance. Not knowing what +to do with myself, and almost ready to sink through the floor with +shame, I stood with bowed head and burning cheeks, the very picture of +mortification. But there was no trace of anger in Mr. Eylton's tone, as, +kindly taking me by the hand, he drew me towards him and asked me my +name. I answered as well as I could; and still holding the picture, +remained in silent consternation. Mr. Eylton took it from my hand, and +sighed as he bent a deep, loving gaze upon the fair face. + +Prompted by a sudden impulse, I raised my eyes to his, as I enquired: +"Can you tell me where that little girl is now? I should _so_ like to +see her!" + +"In heaven, I trust," replied Mr. Eylton, while his voice slightly +faltered, and a tear stood in his eye. "She was my daughter, Amy--she +died some years ago, when very young." + +I felt almost ready to cry myself, when told that she was dead, and +gazed lingeringly upon the portrait as Mr. Eylton closed the box; and +placing it in the drawer, he returned to me again. + +"But, my dear child," said he suddenly, "Why did you open the drawer? Do +you not know that it was extremely improper?" + +"I did _so_ want to see what was in it!" was my rejoinder. + +Mr. Eylton seemed puzzled at first by this reply; but probably +perceiving that I had been too much left to myself, he proceeded to +explain, in clear and concise words, the nature and tendency of my +fault. "This curiosity, my dear child, is an improper state of feeling +which should not be indulged in. Suppose," continued he, "that on +looking into this drawer, you had perceived some article which you +immediately felt a great desire to possess; yielding to the temptation +of curiosity would thus lead to the sin of covetousness, and perhaps the +crime of theft might be also added. You would reason with yourself that +no one had seen you open the drawer, and forgetting the all-seeing Eye +which never slumbers, you might conclude that no one would know you took +the article which did not belong to you." + +The prospect of becoming a thief struck me with horror; and resolving +never again to meddle with other people's things, I begged Mr. Eylton to +forgive me, and entreated him not to inform Mrs. Eylton of my +misdemeanor. He smiled at the anxiety I displayed not to have it known; +and then taking a bunch of keys from a box, he proceeded to gratify my +curiosity with respect to the other drawers. These amply repaid an +investigation; containing numerous toys and trinkets of foreign +manufacture, among which were two or three small alabaster images. One +represented a beautiful greyhound in a reclining position; there was an +Italian image of the Virgin and Child; and some others which I have +almost forgotten. I was allowed to examine all these things at my +leisure; and when I departed, it was with a firm conviction that Mr. +Eylton was far more agreeable than his wife. + +Jane soon came in from the summer-house, after an unsuccessful search +for me through the garden, and was not a little surprised to find me +quietly established with Mr. Eylton. Towards sunset Mrs. Eylton +returned; and being graciously dismissed, we went home with the +impression that it had been altogether rather a curious visit. But the +afternoon dwelt in my memory like a golden gleam; and often I went over, +in imagination, that delightful investigation of Mrs. Eylton's drawers. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +We were generally besieged with visitors of all descriptions and +characters. My parents had one or two poor relations who made long stays +at every visit; and being generous, even to a fault, they loaded them +with presents at their departure, and invitations to come again. There +was one old lady, in particular, who engaged my fancy; she came to see +us quite often, and in the family went by the name of "Aunty Patton." +Aunty Patton was a widow, with very slender means; and boarded with a +married daughter, who had a large family of children, but very little to +support them on. Poor Aunty! she fared rather poorly at home, and did +_so_ seem to enjoy everything. She was particularly fond of fruit-cake; +and whenever she came, mamma took particular pains that this should be +one of the appliances of the tea-table. She possessed many wealthy +acquaintances and relations, and enjoyed visiting around among them very +much; praising everything that was set before her, and never +contradicting any one. It teemed impossible to put anything on the table +which she did not like; everything was "good," and "delightful," and +"just what she would have fancied." At length some cousin determined to +test her patience; and on one occasion, when the old lady happened to +dine there, the dishes, when uncovered, were found to contain nothing +but supaun and potatoes. + +"I am really sorry, Aunty Patton," began the hostess, "to be able to +offer you nothing better for dinner--but sometimes you know"-- + +"O," said Aunty, with rather a rueful look, "it'll _do_." + +Poor Aunty had that very day prepared herself for something uncommonly +nice in the way of dinner, and felt a little disappointed; but cousin +Emma soon restored her equanimity by a liberal display of fruit-cake and +other nice things, which presented themselves on opening the side-board +door. + +Aunty Patton had mild, winning kind of manners, and became a general +favorite in the nursery; probably on account of her always noticing us, +and pronouncing us "lovely little creatures." She appeared to me the +most heavenly-minded old lady I had ever seen; and I listened, with a +species of awe, to the long stories which she loved so dearly to relate +about everybody whom she visited. She was very short--not seeming to me +much taller than myself--and the cumbrous dress of the period was +calculated to make her appear much shorter. She would sit and relate +wonderful occurrences which seemed constantly taking place in her +daughter's family; one of the children would cut his foot, and for +sometime there would be danger of amputation--another urchin would upset +a kettle of scalding water on himself, and then he would be laid up for +sometime, while mamma turned the green-ribbon room topsy-turvy in her +searches after old linen--and once the daughter fell down stairs, and +was taken up for dead. They seemed to be an unfortunate family--always +meeting with hair-breadth escapes. Aunty Patton's reticule was always +well filled with good things on every occasion of her departure; and +very often a collection of money was added to the stock. + +Mamma sometimes endeavored to enlist our sympathies in benevolent +purposes. I remember, on one occasion, when I had been teasing sometime +for a new tortoise-shell comb to keep back my hair with, it suddenly +entered my head that it would be a well-disposed action to ask for some +money to give Aunty Patton. + +"Are you willing, Amy, to deny yourself anything," asked mamma, after I +had made my request, "in order that I may give this money to Aunty +Patton? It is no benevolence in you to ask me to give away money, unless +you are willing to do without something in consequence. If I give Aunty +Patton the five dollars that your comb will cost, are you willing to do +without it?" + +"Dear me," thought I, "being good is very expensive." I deliberated for +sometime, but finally answered, "No." My mother pressed the subject no +farther; but after a while I exclaimed with a comfortable feeling of +magnanimity; "Yes, dear mamma, you _may_ give Aunty Patton the five +dollars--and I'll get _papa_ to buy me the comb!" + +Mammy was a great judge of character, and when she once made up her mind +not to like a person, it was very difficult to make her change her +sentiments. My father once brought in a travelling clergyman, who +represented himself as very devout and unfortunate; and we all made +great efforts to entertain him. He was travelling West, he said, and +endeavoring to collect on the road sufficient money to pay his expenses. +My father invited him to remain with us a month; and he seemed very much +to enjoy the good things so liberally showered upon him--contriving at +the same time to render himself so agreeable that he quite won our +hearts. Mammy alone remained proof against his insinuations; he paid +assiduous court to her, and did his best to remove this unfavorable +impression, but the old nurse remained immovable. + +He once asked her for the key to the fruit-garden, when my parents were +both out; but Mammy stedfastly refused him. "She had orders," she said, +"not to let the key go out of her possession, and she didn't intend to +now." The wandering clergyman departed quite enraged; and reported +proceedings as soon as my father returned. He was very much displeased +at Mammy's obstinacy, and spoke quite warmly on the subject; but the old +nurse replied that "she didn't know but he might make off with half the +fruit in the garden--she didn't like the man's looks at any rate." + +I had then in my possession a little morocco pocket-book, a treasured +article, which I valued above all my other worldly goods. Sometime +before Christmas, I had observed it in a a shop-window with passionate +admiration; and on my return home, I threw out various hints and +inuendoes--scarcely hoping that they would be attended to. They were, +however; for on examining my stocking on the eventful morning, the +long-coveted pocket-book was found sticking in the toe--and what was +still better, well supplied with contents. I was in ecstasy for +sometime after; but wishing to do something to signalize myself, I now +placed it in the hands of the Rev. Mr. Motley for safe keeping. + +"Mark my words," said Mammy prophetically, "you'll never see a sign of +that pocket-book again." + +Alas! her words were but too true; circumstances came to light not very +favorable to the character of our visitor; and that very night the Rev. +Mr. Motley secretly decamped--mentioning in a note left behind, that +unlooked-for events had hastened his departure. My little pocket-book +accompanied him, as he quite forgot to return it; and Mammy's triumph +was almost as provoking as the loss. She had, however, with +characteristic caution, abstracted whatever money it contained; and the +reflection that the reverend gentleman had not gained much, gave her +considerable pleasure. The lesson taught me not to trust strangers again +too readily, and my father imbibed somewhat of a prejudice against +travelling clergymen in distress. Rev. Mr. Motley was never again heard +of. + +We once had a visit from a Captain Vardell, an acquaintance of my +father's, who had married a Spanish woman. This Captain had spent much +of his time at sea; roving about from place to place, until at length he +settled down for some years in Spain. He had no relations in America, +and but little money, so that of course my father's house, the usual +refuge of the needy and distressed, was at once his destination. He +appeared to us an indolent, good-natured kind of a man, and his wife +resembled him in the former quality, though quite deficient in the +latter. She could not speak a word of English, and would scold and rail +at her husband in Spanish for hours together. We did not understand what +she said, but we knew, by the flashing of those great black eyes and her +animated gestures, that her words were not words of love. She was a +large woman, with straight, black hair, that seemed to be always hanging +about her face, and rather handsome features. She spent most of her time +in playing jackstraws with us, or else lounging on the sofa; muttering +in rapid succession the words of a small prayer-book, which Captain +Vardell told us she always carried about her, as it had been consecrated +and given to her by a Spanish priest. She appeared to us very much like +a great overgrown baby; manifesting the most childish delight on winning +a game, and equally angry when defeated. Once, when in extreme +good-humor, she shewed us how to make beads resembling coral, from a +certain paste which she manufactured; but we never could extract from +her the names of the materials, and were obliged to content ourselves +with making them under her direction. + +Mrs. Vardell was so extremely lazy that she would never stoop to pick up +anything she had dropped. If her handkerchief or prayer-book fell to the +floor, she made motions for us to bring them to her; and when we +sometimes mischievously pretended not to understand these signs, she +would let the article remain until some one restored it to her. She +never seemed to experience the least emotion of gratitude, and received +all favors as a natural right. She was an extremely troublesome, +exacting visitor, and we were not at all sorry when the time of her +departure arrived. + +My father had exerted himself on their behalf, and at the end of their +visit handed Captain Vardell a handsome sum of money, collected from +among his merchant friends and acquaintances. People were much more +liberal then than now, and the case of the Vardells did not fail to call +forth their sympathy and generosity. The Spanish lady made her adieus, +if so they could be called, with an easy indifference--apparently +considering her fellow-mortals as machines invented for her sole use and +benefit. Captain Vardell presented us children with a handsome +collection of shells, picked up on foreign shores during his numerous +voyages; and some of them were very rare and beautiful. Most of them had +a delicate pink tinge, like the outer leaves of a just-blown rose; and +we amused ourselves fur a long time by arranging them in a glass-case +which my father gave us for the purpose. + +Among our visitors was an aunt of my mother's who lived in Waterford, +Connecticut; and being a widow, with quite a large farm to attend to, +her visits were never of long duration. I became very much attached to +her, for she often entertained us with long stories about the Revolution +and the aggressions of the British soldiers--about which you shall hear +when I come to tell you of the long visit I made there one summer. Aunt +Henshaw was very proud of her farm and farming operations; her cattle +and vegetables had several times won the prize at agricultural fairs, +and she boasted that her land produced more than any of her neighbors'; +who, being men, were of course expected to be more accomplished in such +matters. She appeared to delight in giving away things, and seldom made +us a visit without bringing something of her own raising. These little +presents my father always repaid tenfold; and Aunt Henshaw departed +without a new gown or hat, or something to show when she got home. I +believe that we generally anticipated more pleasure from her visits than +from any of the numerous friends who often favored us with +their company. + +But Aunt Henshaw, I must confess, won my heart less by her own +individual merits than a present she once made me, which actually +appeared to me like a windfall from the skies. I was always +inordinately fond of reading, and my predelictions for fairy tales +amounted to an actual passion. When Mammy and Jane's ingenuity had been +exhausted in framing instances of the marvellous for my special +gratification, I would often fold my hands before my face, to shut out +all actual scenes, and thus sit and dream of wonderful adventures with +fairies, witches, and enchanted princesses. I was always happier in a +reverie than in the company of others--my own ideals I could make as I +chose--the real I must take as I found it. Castle-building is a pleasant +but dangerous occupation; had I not been so much of an enthusiast, a +day-dreamer, it would have been better for my happiness. + +But to return to Aunt Henshaw and her present. Some school-mate one day +told me of the varied wonders contained in the "Arabian Kights." My +imagination, always excitable, became worked up to a high pitch by tales +of diamond caverns, flying horses, and mysterious Baloons under ground. +If I went to sleep, it was to dream of gardens more beautiful than +Paradise itself--of cooling fountains springing up at every step--of +all sorts of impossible fruits growing just where you wanted them--and +lamps and songs that gratified every wish. At length I could bear these +tantalizing visions of unattainable pleasure no longer; I put on my +bonnet and determined to go the whole rounds of the village until I met +with some success. People wondered what ailed me that afternoon; I +bolted directly into a room--asked if they had the Arabian Nights--and, +on being answered in the negative, went out as expeditiously as I had +gone in, and tried another acquaintance. I was not easily daunted, and +took each one in succession, but all to no purpose; I returned home, +fairly sick with disappointment, and hope delayed. + +The very next day Aunt Henshaw came down on a visit; and placing in my +hands an old-looking, leather-covered book, observed, "I happened to +come across this stowed away in an old chest, Amy, and knowing your +fondness for fairy tales, I have brought it for you to read." + +I scarcely heard what she said; I had glanced at the book, and on +seeing "Arabian Nights" traced in large gilt letters, the ground seemed +swimming before me, and I could scarcely contain my senses. Seizing the +beloved book, I made my escape as quickly as possible; and mounting up +to the cupola, a tiny room with glass sides, that commanded a view of +the country round, I effectually secured myself against interruption, +and soon became fascinated out of all remembrance. The day waned into +evening--the shadows deepened around--I remember fixing my eyes on a +brilliant star that seemed to come closer and closer, until it assumed a +strangely beautiful form, and I lost all consciousness. + +In the meantime a strict search for me had been going on below. They +began to be alarmed at my continued absence; and after examining every +room, the garden, and every spot on the premises, they sent around the +neighborhood. I was known to be extremely fond of visiting, and every +acquaintance was interrogated in turn--of course, without success. No +one had thought of the cupola, and mamma was getting fairly frightened; +when Mammy took a light, and on ascending to my dormitory, discovered me +fast asleep, with the book tightly clasped to my bosom. + +It afterwards yielded the boys as much delight as it had me; Fred, in +particular, had a notion of trying experiments upon the plan there laid +out. He had sat one afternoon for sometime with the book in his +hands--apparently resolving some problem in his own mind; Mammy was +stooping over the nursery fire, when she was suddenly startled by an +unexpected shower of water sprinkled over her head and neck--Fred at the +same time exclaiming, in a tone that seemed to doubt not: "I command you +instantly to turn into a coal black mare!" + +"I don't know what would become of you, you good-for-naught, if I did!" +returned Mammy. + +Some years later I read "The Children of the Abbey," and this opened a +new field of thought. My dreams, instead of being peopled with fairies +and genii, were now filled with distressed damsels who met with all +sorts of persecutions and Quixotic adventures, and finally ended where +they should have commenced. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +I had a boy-lover who always selected me as his partner in all our +plays, and kept me in pointers with blue ribbons attached to them, to +point out the towns on the large map in the school-room. Charles Tracy +was about my own age, but in disposition and taste he resembled my +brother Henry, and the two were quite inseparable; while his sister +Ellen and I formed an acquaintance through the fence by displaying our +dolls to each other--and this was the beginning of an intimacy that +lasted a long time for children's friendships. + +Ellen possessed a charm which often caused me to experience the +uncomfortable sensation of envy; her hair fell in long, golden-colored +ringlets upon her neck and shoulders, and these same curls seemed to +shake about so nicely whenever she moved her head. I sometimes thought +that Ellen shook them about much more than was absolutely necessary; but +at the same time they excited my warmest admiration. I felt as though I +could do anything--go through with all sorts of difficulties to have my +hair curl naturally; and with a feeling of unspeakable rapture I +listened to Ellen one day as she told me in a mysterious whisper that +the nurse had said eating crusts made her hair curl. + +_Eating crusts!_ What a discovery!--I immediately felt ready to eat all +the crusts in our house and every one else's. I bribed the children to +deliver up all their crusts to me, and commenced eating them with a +voracity that excited the surprise of all the nursery inmates. But +already, in perspective, I beheld my head adorned with long, glossy +curls, and I persevered, despite the laughter I excited. I devoured +crusts by the wholesale, but alas! no waving locks rewarded my patient +toil; and at length I had the pleasure of hearing that the crust +business was a fable, invented by Ellen's nurse to induce that young +lady to finish her odds and ends of bread, which she was very much +disposed to scatter about the nursery. It was cruel, after being +elevated to such a pinnacle of happiness, to find my hopes thus rudely +dashed to the ground; and my hair seemed straighter than ever, from +contrast with what I had expected it to be. Ellen was prevented from +wasting her crusts, and so far it was well; but the nurse lost by her +falsehood whatever respect I may have had for her--a loss which she +perhaps did not regard as such, or indeed trouble herself at all +about--but even a child's good opinion is something. + +I was very much inclined to be fleshy--too much so, I thought, for +beauty of figure; and this was another great annoyance. People in +speaking of us, always used to say: "What fine large children!" until I +hated the very sound of it, and wished most earnestly for Ellen's light, +fairy-like figure. I once resolved to starve myself into growing thin; +and, to Mammy's great surprise, refused to taste the dinner she handed +me, and resolutely persisted in going to bed without my supper. Mammy, +good old soul! watched me narrowly, not having been let into the secret +of my laudable resolve; and while she supposed that I had fallen into a +restless slumber, I was in reality tossing about on my trundle bed, +suffering the tantalizing pains of hunger. I remonstrated with myself in +vain; heard all the _pros_ and _cons_ on both sides in this perplexing +case of vanity _vs._ appetite, and finally resolved to satisfy my +hunger, cost what it would. + +But how to do this was the next question. Enticing slices of bread and +butter kept dancing before my eyes; and at length, when I heard the +snore which announced Mammy's departure to the land of dreams, I rose as +quietly as possible, and descended on a foraging expedition to the +pantry. How very nice everything did look! I stood for a moment feasting +my eyes with the sight, but oh, ill-timed delay! I had not tasted a +single morsel, when a low whisper fell upon my ear, and on turning, I +beheld Mammy gazing on me rather fearfully, while at her elbow stood +Jane in night-gown and cap, who was violently rubbing her eyes in order +to clear away the fancied mist, and thus convince herself that it was +really the veritable _me_ who was about to perform such an +unheroine-like part. + +This discovery seemed to me exactly like those tantalizing dreams in +which you are sitting down at a table covered with everything nice, but +before you have time to taste anything your visions are rudely +dispelled, and you wake and look in vain for the tempting paraphernalia. +I once bore this in mind after being several times teased in this +manner; and resolving not to be so deceived again, I succeeded in +regaling myself with a mince-pie--which appeared to me quite in the +light of a triumph. I now cast about me for some means to escape from +this disagreeable dilemma; and having heard Mammy whisper to Jane: "How +very wild she looks!" I found that they supposed me to be walking in my +sleep, a practice to which I was somewhat addicted; and not seeing why +sleep-walkers should not direct their course to the cupboard as well as +anywhere else, I boldly seized a loaf and commenced an attack upon it. + +"Let us wait and see what she will do," whispered Mammy. + +"It is very evident what she will do, now that she has the loaf in her +hands," replied Jane in a sleepy tone. "I do not believe that she is +asleep at all, but just as wide awake as we are. I have read a story +somewhere," she continued, "of a French girl who succeeded in persuading +people that she lived without eating; but at last some one watched the +girl closely, and one night discovered her at the pantry, regaling +herself with cold chicken sufficiently to go without eating for a week. +Now, Miss Amy has eaten neither dinner nor supper, and she may be +imitating the French girl, in order to be made a fuss with. I will speak +to her and see." + +"Not for the world!" exclaimed Mammy in terror, as she grasped the more +enterprising Jane. "Do not touch her--for I have heard of its killing +people to be awakened suddenly while in this state." + +Jane obeyed, although her face still wore an incredulous expression; and +I continued eating, looking as wild as possible all the time. The +nursery-maid began at length to fear that I would put an end to my own +life, if not spoken to; but Mammy still objected--murmuring as she +watched my voracious performances; "Poor child! how hungry she must have +been to come down and eat in her sleep! I wonder why she refused her +tea?" + +After a while, however, I became more sleepy than hungry; and Mammy and +Jane kindly conveyed me back to my little bed, where I slept soundly +till morning. I was not destined to reap much glory from this +escapade--not even the glory of being a sleep-walker; for Jane, looking +me steadily in the face, said: "Now, Miss Amy, I wish you to tell me +truly whether you were asleep last night, when you went down into the +pantry and devoured almost a whole loaf of bread! Now be a good girl, +and tell the truth, for you frightened us very much." + +At first I pretended stupidity, and inquired, "what pantry?" and "what +bread?" but Jane soon discovered that I knew very well; and while she +looked at me so searchingly I could not possibly frame a plausible +story--so, from sheer necessity, I told the whole truth, "and nothing +but the truth." My curious attempt at getting thin excited great +amusement; but Mammy told me that she knew of a better way than that, +which was to run up and down stairs as much as possible. I followed her +advice until I became tired of it; and during that period I was +universally acknowledged to be the most obliging child in the house, for +I was quite indefatigable in running on other people's errands. I became +discouraged, though, when I found that I remained as fat as ever; and +began tasking my brain for some other expedient. + +I had gone to Ellen Tracy's to enjoy a holiday; and, quite mad with +spirits, we roamed hither and thither, scarcely knowing what to do with +ourselves. At length Ellen proposed that we should go to "the boys' +room," and go we accordingly did. We would have recognized it as the +sanctum of two or three noisy urchins of the male gender, even had we +not known it beforehand. On the dressing-table stood a top, half-a-dozen +marbles, and a fishing-line; while the walls displayed various quaint +devices of their own drawing. There was a something which, Ellen +informed us, was intended for a ghost; but if so, he had a most undue +proportion of flesh on his bones, and looked far more like a giant. We +concluded to equip ourselves in male attire, for the sake of +variety--being heartily tired of frocks and petticoats; and Ellen's +pretty curls having been tucked up under a round cap, she looked so +fascinating that I felt quite ambitious to rival her--but in attempting +to draw on one of Charles' jackets, I found that it would not meet round +my waist. Oh, mortification unspeakable! to find myself larger around +the waist than a boy a whole year my senior! I could scarcely refrain +from bursting into tears; forgetting that I belonged to the dumpling +order, while Charles was as slender and straight as a young birch tree. +My pleasure for that day was gone; in vain Ellen displayed her whole +stock of worldly possessions to tempt my admiration. I scarcely bestowed +a look on anything, and returned home perfectly miserable. + +For days I kept my ears wide open in hopes of catching something that +might relieve my distress, and at length I met with some success. I +overheard a visitor telling my mother of some young lady, whose figure +they had been admiring, that she was nothing at all without her +corsets--a complete dumpling; and then followed a long digression on the +impropriety of imposing upon the public in this manner; but for that I +did not care--I determined to impose upon them too, as soon as I got a +chance. Soon after, a school-mate encased me in a remarkably tight pair, +during an afternoon's visit; and having, as she said, 'made me look +quite genteel,' I departed for home with the delightful consciousness of +being 'something of a figure.' Before bed-time I had a romp in the +garden with my wild brother and Charles Tracy; I experienced a feeling +of suffocation, while running through the paths, that became quite +insupportable. + +"Why Amy!" exclaimed Charles as he grasped my arm, "What _is_ the +matter? you look quite black in the face!" They all gathered around me, +but unable to speak, I sank back into Charles Tracy's arms, and lost +all consciousness. + +When I recovered, I found myself lying on my own little bed, with my +mother bending fondly over me--the cause of all this trouble on a chair +at my side--and Mammy, dear, good Mammy! regarding me with a puzzled +look of surprise. + +"Why, she actually fainted!" whispered Jane, "just dead away, like any +grown person!" + +"No," replied Mammy, "the child was dreadfully squeezed, and that took +away her breath. She'll kill herself next, with some of her capers!" + +Mamma now made a sign for them to be quiet, and stooping down close to +my face, asked me how I felt. I tried to answer, "better;" but the words +almost choked me, and I still experienced a difficulty in breathing. The +evil consequences of this attempt at the graceful were but temporary, +however; and the next morning, as I sat up quite recovered, a discussion +took place between mamma and the old nurse on the propriety of +equipping me at once in corsets to improve my figure. I soon experienced +the delight of possessing a pair of my own; on which memorable occasion, +I resolved that, like the old woman, I would "neither borrow nor lend;" +but the present was conditional--on the first instance of my lacing too +tight it was to be taken from me. I took care that this should never +happen--that is, to such a degree as to expose myself to punishment; but +in many a scene of enjoyment did I suffer the consequences of my foolish +vanity. Often while music, and dancing, and everything contributed to +render a children's party delightful, I sat apart in a corner, or else +went languidly through the figures of the dance, while every nerve +throbbed with acute pain. + +Ellen and I had for sometime noticed that Charles and Henry were more +together than ever. They seldom associated with us now, or asked us to +join them; Henry proved faithless with respect to a table he had +promised my doll, and Charles refused, for the present, to dig his +sister's garden spot; therefore we put our two wise heads together and +concluded that this must mean something. The moment school was out, the +cap was hastily snatched from its nail in the entry, and they both +sallied forth together--where, or for what purpose, we tried in vain to +discover. On Saturdays they were constantly at work in the barn, +hammering, and cutting, and shaving; and one day we detected them +making, over a fire which they had built on bricks in the open air, +something which smelt very much like molasses candy. But upon Ellen's +venturing to communicate this to Charles, he answered contemptuously +that "it was just like girls!--always fancying that everything was +something eatable!" + +The two made a journey to town together, and came back laden with sundry +parcels; and notwithstanding all this business, Henry found time to be +very industrious in weeding the flower-beds, for which my father paid +him so much an hour--and I noticed that he was uncommonly punctual in +presenting his bills. Without being very penetrating, we discovered +that the scheme, whatever it might be, was one that required a great +deal of time, a great deal of shopping, and a great deal of money. We +racked our brains in vain, and not a single mite of information could we +extract from the boys; indeed, we might just as well have attacked two +pine boards, for they pretended to be deaf as soon as we commenced our +inquiries. Ellen began to be afraid that they meditated living on some +wild island, like Robinson Crusoe, for she had seen Charles privately +appropriate a hatchet, and a ball of twine; and I inclined to the +opinion that they were both going to sea, and represented to Ellen how +delightful it would be to have them making voyages and bringing us +shells, and corals, and all sorts of curious things. But I was the +greatest philosopher of the two, for my more timid playmate cried +bitterly at the idea; and it was sometime before I could succeed in +pacifying her. + +We one day discovered the boys in an old barn on the premises; and +waiting patiently near by until we saw them depart on some errand to the +house, we perceived, to our great joy that the door was unfastened; and +effecting a hasty entrance, we expected to be almost as well rewarded +for our trouble as was Blue-beard's wife on entering the forbidden +chamber. But nothing could we see except a few old boxes turned upside +down, and along one side a neat row of shelves. We perceived indeed that +the small window now contained four panes of glass, and we also +discovered two or three little shelves there. But here our discoveries +ended; there was nothing to account for all the labor and privacy that +had been going on for the last two or three weeks,--and quite in +despair, we returned to the house before the boys discovered our prying. + +Things continued in this state for sometime longer; and finding that all +our efforts at discovery were not rewarded with the slightest success, +we assumed an appearance of proud indifference, and pretended to be as +much occupied with our dolls and baby-houses as they were with their +barn. Now and then one of the boys, in the tantalizing spirit of +mischief, would thrust a parcel under our very eyes, exclaiming at the +same time: "Wouldn't you like to see the inside, though? Confess, now, +that you would give your very ears to know what's in it!" + +"Indeed, and we would not!" in great indignation, "not we! We supposed +that it was some boys' nonsense not worth talking about, and were quite +occupied with our own affairs, without troubling ourselves about them." + +In a tone that sounded very much as though he were in earnest, Charles +would continue: "Suppose, Henry, that we let them know what it is, if +they promise not to tell--shall we?" + +"By no means," Henry would reply, with the air of a Socrates, "Women can +never keep a secret--I have heard my father say so." + +"We were sure we didn't want to hear their secrets!" and indignantly +clipping away with our scissors, we turned a deaf ear to all further +remarks. However, the secret did come to light after a while, and in a +most unexpected manner. + +We had just received a liberal allowance of pocket-money, and while +Ellen and I deliberated on the various ways in which it might be spent +to advantage, Henry asked us, with a perfectly grave face, if we had +heard of the new store lately opened near us? _New_ store! Why there had +never been any store at all, except the little stand kept by old Betty +Tweednor, and now Henry spoke of the new store as though such a thing +had ever existed. Certainly we had not heard of it; but resolving to +remain no longer in ignorance, we seized our bonnets, and were ready to +start in a moment. Henry looked very knowing and mysterious; but +following his guidance, we soon found ourselves at the barn which had +before excited our curiosity. Why, it had been turned into a regular +shop! Rows of candies, better known among children as "barber's-poles," +looked imposingly out of the window, and these were flanked by piles of +pea-nuts, apples, &c. But all these would have been nothing without that +delight of childhood--taffy-candy; and upon a further investigation, we +discovered a very ingenious pair of clam-shell scales, with holes bored +for strings to pass through, and suspended from a stout stick which was +kept in its place by being fastened to an upright piece of wood at each +end--the whole resting upon a very complete counter formed of old +boxes. It looked exactly like a real store; and behind the counter stood +Charles, as demure as possible,--while crowds of our schoolmates gazed, +admired, and wondered. + +A sign near the door informed passers that "the proprietors, grateful +for past favors and the patronage of a liberal public, would continue +the business under the firm of Chesbury and Tracy." It would be a +somewhat difficult task, we thought, to discover the favors and +patronage alluded to; but the young merchants had concluded that this +clause gave a dignity and air of reality to the whole. We experienced +the pleasure of making purchases, weighed out to us from the much +admired clam-shell scales, and were very particular in exacting full +weight. Each sale was recorded in a small account book; and long after +we had grown to the years of discretion, our mirth was excited by +accidentally meeting with this juvenile record. So many purchases were +made that afternoon, that the young storekeepers perceived with dismay +the very visible decrease in their supplies. We accused them of +retrenching considerably in their quantities, on this discovery, and +thought that they were too inexperienced for so weighty an office. + +Ellen and I often added to their stores by little pies and cakes which +we manufactured at home; and in process of time their articles embraced +such a variety that the shop became quite celebrated. Even mamma would +sometimes come to make purchases; and the boy-merchants found their +scheme a very profitable one. But alas! it vanished with the last summer +breath; the early snows surrounded their little store, and all access +became inconvenient. So they had a sale at prime cost--and we then +obtained most wonderful bargains in the confectionary line. Finding +himself quite wealthy now, Charles could well afford to be generous; and +presented me with a new doll, and his sister Ellen with a miniature set +of cups and saucers, over which we had many happy tea-drinkings. We +received no presents from Henry, and heard nothing of his money; and it +was not till some time after, and then through another source, that we +learned that his portion had materially helped to keep a poor woman +from freezing during the winter. My father often remarked of Henry, that +"he was too generous and self-forgetful ever to be rich;" but there is +no doubt that such have their reward--in their own consciences at least. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +The winter wore rapidly away with sleigh-riding, snow-balling, and our +usual parties; and spring, lovely spring! again made its appearance. Our +flower-garden looked its very loveliest at this season; for it boasted +countless stores of hyacinths, tulips, daffodils, blue-bells, violets, +crocuses, &c. I remember so well when we first noticed the little green +sprouts shooting up in spots from which the snow had melted; and on +making this discovery, we always danced into the house and shouted out: +"Spring has come!" It gladdened our very hearts to find the first little +violet that dared to show its head above the ground; and then we ran to +the peach-trees to look at the delicate pink buds that shot forth so +curiously without any leaves. There was a warm sweet breath abroad upon +the air that tossed our hair about, and fanned our flushed cheeks, and +we knew that it was spring, sweet spring! that had come again to us. Oh, +how delightful it was when, escaped from all watchful eyes, I could +throw aside the troublesome sun-bonnet, that so obstructed my sight, and +dig and delve at pleasure! Never in all my life have I been so happy as +in these delightful spring days, when I roved about the paths with a +heart full of happiness, and a sensation of thankfulness for the +blessings I enjoyed. + +Two circumstances contributed materially to immortalize this particular +spring in my recollections: I then completed my tenth year, which I +thought left me on the very threshold of womanhood, and we had two pet +squirrels, who inhabited the locust trees in front of the house, with a +tin cage to retire to at night--one of whom we called "blackey," and the +other "browney," from their different colors. + +"Blackey" was extremely mischievous, and rarely could be caught; but +"browney" seemed a perfect paragon of gentleness and goodness--and I +would seat myself on the steps, holding him for hours, and listening to +the monotonous hum of the locusts, which always filled my heart with a +sense of quiet happiness. Did you never sit watching the glorious +sunbeams, as they fell on the soft, fresh grass, and with this low, +soothing hum in your ears, feel that the earth was very beautiful? I +have; but then I was a dreamer--an unmistakable, enthusiastic dreamer, +and my fancies would, perhaps, be laughed at by the wise ones of earth. + +To return to "browney;" my love cooled for him very suddenly one +morning, as, with my finger in close proximity to his mouth, I sat and +apostrophized him thus, "You dear, little angel, you! I love you +dearly!" a sudden closing of sharp little teeth on my poor fingers put +an end to my rhapsodies; and the "little angel" was most unceremoniously +dropped on the ground, from whence he made his escape to his usual home, +the locust tree--and I never again sought to entice him from his +retreat. I ran about the walks as usual this spring, but it was with +languor and indifference that I visited our usual haunts; and I +wondered what it was that made my steps so very slow and dragging--it +seemed as though a weight were tied on each heel. If I attempted a race +with the boys, I was obliged to give up from very weariness; and +laughing at what they termed my laziness, they pursued their amusements +without me. Charles Tracy would now and then bring me a bunch of wild +flowers; and to the surprise of all, I preferred sitting with them in my +hands to joining in my usual noisy games. I grew pale and thin; and +Mammy and Jane began to express their uneasiness about me, while I often +noticed my mother's eyes fixed upon me in tender solicitude. + +I went to bed one night feeling restless and feverish. It was the latter +part of April, and a small wood-fire still burned on the hearth; on the +embers of which I fixed my eyes steadfastly, until strange shapes and +burning eyes seemed moving about the quiet hearth. I was quite alone; +Mammy had gone out to spend the evening, and Jane was taking her tea in +the kitchen. Had it been for life or death I could not have spoken; I +tried to scream--but a hollow sound rattled in my ears--and with the +cold drops gathering on my forehead, I lay still, subdued, in a state of +delirious agony. I was almost senseless; until at length, feeling a +touch upon my arm, and a breathing at my side, I started wildly up, and +eluding all pursuit, fled swiftly down the stair-case. I pressed my hand +tightly on my throbbing head, and gaining the kitchen, burst suddenly +in, exclaiming, "O! Jane! Jane! do not leave me again!" I sunk down +insensible; and remember nothing but a scream of horror which proceeded +from Jane, who, having just seated herself beside me as I sprang out of +bed, had followed me in a state of breathless alarm to the kitchen. + +When I again opened my eyes, it was about midnight. I had been conveyed +to my mother's room, and now experienced the delightful sensation of +finding myself in a high bed, with curtains; while my head was raised up +with pillows to an unusual height. In turning myself to obtain a better +view of the surrounding scenery, I became conscious of a stiffness in my +right arm; and fairly shuddered with horror on perceiving a basin of +blood close to my bedside. But worse and worse! a few paces further off +stood a grave-looking man, whom, from his very air, I knew to be a +doctor. Nay, had I been at all doubtful on this point, the addition of a +pair of spectacles would have convinced me at once--as this is an +ornament especially pertaining to M. D.'s. I had always hated, loathed, +dreaded a doctor as I would a nauseous object; and I now trembled to +find myself in his power--fearing that he read my dislike in my face. +Spectacles, too, disconcerted me; the glimmer of the polished glass +seems to add new fire to the eyes beneath; and I now beheld a pair, eyes +and all, levelled directly upon me. I shuddered at the very idea of a +doctor, and could never sit still in the room with one; and now there +stood that horrid man, evidently regarding me as his victim, while I +felt too weak and sick to make the least resistance. + +My aversion probably arose from the circumstance of once having had a +loose front tooth pulled out--one that was just ready to jump out +itself; which operation, I felt convinced, had left my system in a very +shattered state. Often since did I torture myself for hours by mounting +up on a table before the glass, and with a string tied around a loosened +tooth, give it a little cowardly pull at intervals--lacking sufficient +courage to rid myself of my trouble at once. I have sometimes sat in +this interesting position for a whole morning; and should probably have +continued it through the afternoon had not Fred, or Henry, perceiving my +employment, come slyly behind me and caused me to start suddenly, which +always dislodged the troublesome tooth. + +My eyes rested a moment on the doctor, and then glanced off to seek some +more agreeable object, and having found mamma, she seemed like a lovely +angel in comparison with the ogre who, I felt convinced, only waited his +opportunity to put an end to my life. Mamma came close to me, and +observing my gaze still bent upon the basin, she whispered softly: "Do +not look so frightened, Amy, you have only been bled--that is all, +believe me." + +_All_! After this announcement I wondered that I breathed at all; and +had I not been too weak should certainly have cried over the thoughts +of the pain I must have suffered in my insensibility. I made no reply, +but leaned my head droopingly upon the pillow; and Dr. Irwin, taking my +hand, observed: "She is very weak, and we may expect delirium before +morning." + +His first assertion received the lie direct in the strength with which I +pushed him off, as I would the touch of a viper; and clinging to mamma, +I cried: "Take him away, dear mother! Take him away!--Do not let him +come near us!" + +"What?" exclaimed the doctor good-humoredly, "are you afraid of me, my +little lady? Do I look so very frightful?" + +I was quite surprised at his pleasant tone, and on a nearer survey of +his features, felt my passion considerably cooled; but those odious +spectacles spoiled all. I remember soon after being raised up, while +some one held a cup to my lips, but whether the draught were good or bad +I was unable to determine. Dr. Irwin now took my mother aside, and +whispered something in a low tone, as he placed a small packet in her +hands. I heard my mother say: "I am afraid she will never take it, +doctor," to which he replied: "But she _must_ take it, madam--we cannot +consider a child's humors in the scale with her life." I now felt +assured that some nauseous compound was being prepared for me; which I +firmly resolved to fling in the doctor's face, should he dare to +approach me with it. I was a perfect fury when roused; and this fancied +cruelty excited my strongest passions. + +But Dr. Irwin wisely took himself off; and the next morning poor mamma +received half the mixture on her dress, while the other half found a +resting place on the floor--a few drops only having slipped down my +throat; while one of the servants heard my screams at the end of the +village, and the next door neighbor, prompted by humanity, sent to +inquire the name of the murdered party. The next dose was more +successful; mamma having spread out before my eyes all her possessions +which she thought likely to tempt me, I received permission to make a +choice, on condition of swallowing a spoonful of calomel jalap. I +further displayed my gentleness by biting Dr. Irwin's fingers when he +attempted to look at my throat, and the good man evidently regarded me +as a pretty refractory patient. + +I always had a great horror of being sick--that is, a real, regular fit +of sickness, where you are perched up in bed, and have to do as other +people please, and have only just what covering they please--when you +are not suffered to put an arm out, or toss off a quilt that almost +smothers you, or drink a drop of cold water. Once in a while, I thought, +to be just sufficiently sick to sit in the easy chair and look over +mother's pretty things, or daub with her color-box, while people brought +me oranges and waited upon me, did very well. I was not a gentle, timid, +feminine sort of a child, as I have said before--one who would faint at +the prick of a pin, or weep showers of tears for a slight headache; I +was a complete little hoyden, full of life and spirits, to whom the idea +of being in bed in the day-time was extremely disagreeable--and when I +had been "awful," according to the nursery phraseology, the greatest +punishment that could be inflicted upon me was to send me thither to +enjoy the charms of solitude. I was a female edition of my brother +Fred; not quite so prone to tricks and mischief, perhaps--but almost as +wild and unmanageable. + +Now and then Fred would come down in the morning pale, sick, and +subdued-looking; his head tightly bound with a handkerchief, and his +whole countenance expressive of suffering. A sick headache was the only +thing that could tame him; and a smile of ineffable relief sat on the +faces of the others as they glanced at his woe-begone visage. He was as +secure for that day as though chained hand and foot. My quiet hours were +when some fascinating book engrossed my whole attention; I drank in each +word, and could neither see nor hear anything around. + +But here I was, really sick and quiet, ill in bed for a whole +month--day-time and all; and oh! the nauseous doses that somehow slipped +down my unwilling throat! Sometimes I would lie and watch the others +moving around and doing as they chose, and then, feeling galled by my +own sense of dependence and inefficiency, the warm blood would glow +quickly as before, and springing hastily up, I determined to throw off +this weary feeling of lassitude. But it was of no use; all I could do +was to sink back exhausted, and "bide my time." + +When the first stage of my illness was passed, poor mamma, completely +worn out, would often leave me to the care of Mammy or Jane; with +numerous directions to see that I took whatever had been left for me by +Doctor Irwin. I always liked to have Jane with me, for I _loved_ her; +and the medicine never seemed to taste so bad when she gave it to me. +She had various ways of smoothing this disagreeable duty; and one night +when I had been rather obstreperous, she cut a pill in two and took +half, by way of keeping me company; saying as she swallowed it that +"perhaps it might do her some good." When I became well enough to leave +my bed I sat in a nice easy-chair drawn close up to the window, from +whence I could see the early flowers that were now blooming in full +beauty in the garden below, while some amusing book rested on my lap. I +remember that they brought me the very first strawberries that ripened; +and the neighbors were so kind that many a well-relished delicacy was +sent in "for Mrs. Chesbury's sick child." + +I was just able to run about, but still looking very pale and thin, when +Aunt Henshaw arrived on a visit. "What!" exclaimed she, "can this be the +madcap, Amy? Why, you look like a ghost, child! What in the world have +you been doing to yourself--studying too hard?" + +The old lady possessed no great powers of penetration, and not being +sufficiently discerning to distinguish between the love of reading and +the love of study, she concluded, from seeing me often with a book in my +hand, that I was quite a studious character. Aunt Henshaw remained a +week or two; and though not exactly sick, I remained thin and drooping, +and seemed to get no stronger as the season advanced. The state of my +health was canvassed over and over again in the family circle; and one +day, when they were all gazing upon me with anxious solicitude, and +remarking upon my pale cheeks, Aunt Henshaw observed: "She needs a +change of air, poor child! She must go home with me." + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +I was quite surprised at the effect which this remark produced. Although +an only daughter, I had never been much caressed at home--I was always +so troublesome that they loved me best at a distance. If I happened to +get into the library with my father, I was sure to upset the inkstand, +or shake the table where he sat writing--or if admitted to my mother's +apartment, I made sad havoc with her work-basket, and was very apt to +clip up cut out articles with my little scissors--which said scissors I +regarded with the greatest affection; in the first place because they +were my own private property, and in the next place, they afforded me +the delightful pleasure of clipping--that great enjoyment of childhood; +but they did so much mischief that complaints against them were loud +and long, and I quite trembled at an oft-repeated threat of taking them +away. + +My mother evidently disapproved of Aunt Henshaw's proposal, and my +father drawing me towards him affectionately, said: "I am afraid we +could not part with our little madcap--we should miss her noise sadly." + +The idea of being missed, and actually made a subject of argument, was +something quite new to me; and glancing in surprise from one to the +other, I awaited the issue in silence, scarcely knowing whether I wished +to go or stay. But Aunt Henshaw carried her point. She represented so +many advantages to be gained by the change, where I could run about +quite wild, rolling among the fresh hay, and breathing the pure +air--insisting that it must bring a color into my pale cheeks--that my +parents at length yielded. + +Now began the delightful bustle of preparation. My mother turned over my +scanty wardrobe with perplexed looks; and an immediate cutting and +clipping took place, by which old gowns of hers were made into bran new +ones for me. Nor was this all--some were bought on purpose for me; and +I had two or three delightful jaunts to the city, to choose the patterns +for myself; and I wondered if anybody ever had so many, new things at +once as I was about to have. I became quite a wonder in the family--a +person whose movements were of the utmost importance; for I was going to +be away from them the whole summer, and it seemed an almost endless +separation. Mammy was not at all pleased at their sending her child away +from her; the old nurse even cried over me, and insisted upon it that I +had always been a paragon of excellence, and that she could not live +without me. My father gave me some money to buy her a present, the +selection of which was to be left entirely to my own taste; and the sum +I expended in a manner perfectly characteristic: I procured a large +bunch of gay beads for Mammy, and presented Jane with the wonderful +history of little Red Riding Hood. Both treasured them as carefully, and +apparently valued them as highly, as if they had been better selected; +and being quite confident that they would prefer them to anything else, +I was much surprised at the disapprobation expressed in the family +circle. + +I gave Henry a little pincushion, which I made on purpose for him, and +not knowing what to present Fred with, I allowed him to rip open my +second-best doll, which was still in quite a good state of preservation. +Fred had always possessed an inquiring mind, and an inclination to +inspect the contents of everything, in consequence of which my +possessions often suffered--and this employment now afforded him the +most intense satisfaction; while I, with a certain feeling of curiosity, +and yet scarcely able to repress an effort for the rescue of poor dolly, +stood watching the proceeding. Nothing appeared, however, but saw-dust; +although Fred had positively assured me that he had no doubt we would +find a diamond ring, or a piece of money, at least--as people often did +where they least expected it; and it was partly this consideration that +led me to consent to the dissection, for we had made an agreement to +divide the spoils. + +Fred's head was always filled with wonderful schemes of this nature, +and if he had not been so lazy and fond of mischief he would have made a +smart boy; for he was always reading books containing wonderful +researches into the productions of former centuries; and being +particularly interested in the study of minerals and different species +of rock, he often endeavored to explain to me the various forms of +strata which were found below the earth; but my comprehension could not +take it in. He was continually poring over fossil remains, and digging +in the garden for something curious. He one day ran in with his apron +full of stones and other rubbish, and holding up in triumph an object of +various hues, through which a slight blue shade was distinctly visible, +he called out eagerly: "See, mother! I have really found some fossil +remains at last!" + +Mamma took the admired treasure in her hand, as Fred desired; and as she +did so, a smile that had hovered about her mouth grew deeper and deeper; +and finally her amusement burst forth in a hearty laugh. Fred seized his +prize indignantly, and after washing it with the greatest care, found +himself in possession of the spout of an old crockery tea-pot. We heard +no more of fossil remains after that; though he still pursued his +researches privately--having, I believe transferred his expectations +from fossil remains to golden treasures. He was hardly more successful +in this line, as he never found anything to reward his toil except a +solitary five-pence, that he mistook for a gold piece, and which +required more rubbing and scouring to make it distinguishable than it +was worth. Having sacrificed my doll on the shrine of sisterly +affection, not to mention the dross of private interest, I concluded +that I had done as much for Fred as he had any right to expect; and +employed myself in arranging sugar-plums in various attractive forms, as +farewell presents to my younger brothers. + +The eventful morning arrived on which I was to take my departure. It was +my first absence from home for any length of time, and I had scarcely +been able to sleep at all during the night--my mind being occupied with +the one all-engrossing thought. I scarcely dared to listen at first, for +fear I should hear it rain; but the sun shone brightly in all the glory +of a clear June morning, and springing out of bed, I dressed myself as +expeditiously as possible, for fear that Aunt Henshaw might go off +without me. "What then was my surprise, when after breakfast I saw the +old lady sit down as usual, and after carefully wiping her spectacles, +take up a book she had been perusing, just as if the greatest event of +my life were not about to occur that very day? + +"Why, Aunt Henshaw!" said I in a tone of acute disappointment, "Are we +not going to-day?" + +"Certainly, my dear," was her reply, "But the stage coach will not be +here till two o'clock, and I have all my things ready." + +What could I possibly do with the six intervening hours? I too had all +my things ready; and my spirits were now in a state that absolutely +required excitement of some kind or other. I tried to read, but it was +impossible to fix my thoughts on the subject--even the Arabian Nights +failed to interest me; and after wondering for some time at Aunt +Henshaw, who could view the near prospect of a journey that would +occupy two or three days with the most perfect composure, I proceeded to +my mother's apartment. I had not been there long before I got up a cry, +and felt more doubtful than ever whether I wished to go. But mamma +talked with me for some time; and having clearly ascertained that it was +my parents' wish that I should go, in hopes of benefiting my health by +the change, I comforted myself with the idea of martyrdom on a small +scale. + +I put my doll to board with Ellen Tracy until my return, at a charge of +so many sugar-plums a week; with strict injunctions not to pull its arms +or legs out of order, or attempt to curl its hair. I could not eat a +mouthful of dinner, but Aunt Henshaw stowed away some cake for me in a +corner of her capacious bag; a proceeding which then rather amused me, +but for which I was afterwards exceedingly thankful. The time seemed +almost interminable; I threw out various hints on the value of +expedition, the misery of being behindhand, and the doubtful punctuality +of stage-coaches--but Aunt Henshaw remained immovable. + +"As to its coming before the appointed time," said she, "I never heard +of such a thing. It is much more likely to leave us altogether." + +Dreadful idea! Suppose it should! I stood flattening my nose against the +window-pane in hopes of spying the welcome vehicle; but it did not even +glimmer in the far distance. Full half an hour before the time, I was +equipped in the wrappers which my invalid state required, impatiently +awaiting the expected clatter of wheels. At length it rolled rapidly up +to the door; a shabby-looking vehicle, drawn by four horses--and a +perfect wilderness of heads and eyes looked forth from the windows, +while legs and arms dangled from the top. It was quite full; and several +voices called out, "They can't come in, driver! It's impossible!" + +What a blank fell upon my hopes at these cruel words! The people looked +so savage and unpitying, and I thought that after all we must stay at +home--there seemed no crevice of space into which we could force +ourselves; and in silent consternation I surveyed Aunt Henshaw's +substantial proportions. But she was an experienced traveller; and +making her adieus with a degree of composure and certainty that quite +reassured me, she took me by the hand and advanced to the stage as +smilingly as though they had all invited her to enter. The driver's +eagle eye spied out a seat for Aunt Henshaw--a kind-looking old +gentleman took me on his lap--the door was closed, and away we rattled. +Aunt Henshaw, never much given to silence, found a congenial companion +in the gentleman who had given me a seat; they were soon engaged in an +animated conversation on the pleasures of farming, during which I went +to sleep--nor was I aroused until about two hours after, when we found +ourselves landed at the wharf. We went on board the packet, and +proceeded to the cabin, where I was surprised, amused, and rather +frightened at the appearance of the narrow-looking boxes which we were +destined to sleep in. But Aunt Henshaw assured me that there was no +danger; and I found from experience that I could sleep almost as well +there as in my own bed at home. + +The wind was unfavorable, and we were almost a week on the water; but +at length we reached New London and proceeded to Waterford. Aunt +Henshaw's family, I knew, consisted only of a daughter--her sons having +married and settled away from her--and to the meeting with this cousin +Statia, I looked forward with some anxiety. It was almost dark when we +approached the house; a real farmhouse, with lilac and syringa bushes in +front, and a honeysuckle running over the piazza. A little dog came out +and barked at us--a sensible-looking cat rested on the porch--and in the +door-way stood Cousin Statia. She kissed me affectionately, and appeared +glad to see her mother; and we were all soon seated around the table, +where fresh cottage-cheese, crimson radishes, and warm tea-cakes looked +invitingly forth. + +I was rather disappointed in the appearance of Cousin Statia; I had +expected to see a fresh, smiling-looking country girl, but I found a +stiff, demure-looking young lady, at whose age I scarcely dared venture +a guess. A little colored girl waited on the table, who evidently +surveyed me with a great deal of interest; for I constantly caught the +sharp glances of her little black eyes. She had been christened +Aholibama--a name which she told me was taken out of some story-book, +though I afterwards found that it was in the Bible--but this being too +long an appellation, they had abbreviated it to Holly. During a hasty +glance into the cheerful kitchen, I caught a glimpse of a very +nice-looking colored woman, who, I afterwards found, was Sylvia, the +cook. + +Everything looked very pleasant around, though plain; but I was tired +and sleepy, and at an early hour Cousin Statia conducted me to a small, +neat room in the second story, with white curtains; and after +ascertaining that I could undress myself, she left me for a short time, +promising to come and take the candle. I felt the least bit homesick and +wished very much to see them all; but I was also very much interested in +the novelty of a new scene, and anticipated a great deal of pleasure in +examining the premises. Aunt Henshaw had told me that she believed there +were kittens somewhere around, and I determined to search till I found +them; for a little pet kitten appeared to me the sweetest of all +created things. + +In the meantime, I began to experience a very uncomfortable sensation +that quickly swallowed up all other thoughts. Cousin Statia had taken +the candle, but it was a bright, moonlight night, and the beautiful +moonbeams that came dancing in and formed a perfect network upon the +floor, made the room almost as light as day. It was not very warm +weather, but I felt the perspiration pouring down, while I trembled in +every limb. My eyes were fixed with a sort of fascination on the +opposite wall, where the shadow of a figure seemed to pass and repass; +and every time it arrived at a certain point, there was a sort of a kick +up, as though with the feet behind. I looked all around, as soon as I +dared to, but everything was still except the tormenting shadow. I +scarcely breathed, but kept watching the queer figure, till I was almost +ready to faint from cowardice. I tried to reason with myself--and called +to mind how my father had endeavored to banish this weakness; how one +night on being afraid to go into the cellar, he had himself gone with +me and examined every corner, to convince me that there was nothing to +fear; and under the impulse of these reflections I sprang out of bed, +determined to investigate the mystery. I went in every part of the room; +I examined the window, the curtains, but nothing was to be seen, while +the figure still continued its movements; and almost sick, I returned to +bed, to lie and watch the shadow. All sorts of queer stories rushed into +my head; I tried to forgot them and think of something else, but it was +impossible. The movement was slow, regular, and punctual. + +At last I could stand it no longer; I rushed to the window, determined +to stay there till the mystery was explained, for I felt convinced that +I should find it there. I directed my eyes piercingly to every part of +the curtains; and at length I perceived that the window had been let +down at the top. I closed it, arranged the curtains differently, and +then, in some trepidation, returned to my shadow. It had disappeared; +and I now understood that the formidable figure was merely a part of the +curtain, which, influenced by the night wind, swayed to and fro, +causing the shadow on the wall. + +I do not think I ever experienced a cowardly feeling afterwards; that +night perfectly satisfied me that superstition was the most unreasonable +torture that could be inflicted on oneself; and I was ever afterwards +celebrated for my bravery. Even my father praised my conduct, and said +that it was pretty well for a girl of ten years, under such +circumstances--at the same time representing to me how much more +reasonable such a course was, than screaming would have been, to rouse +the household for nothing. I went quietly to sleep, and dreamed neither +of goblins nor ghosts, but of a dear little spotted kitten with a blue +ribbon around its neck. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +I did not wake very early the next morning, and when I opened my eyes, I +perceived Cousin Statia standing by my bedside, who had been endeavoring +to waken me. Her manner was rather solemn as she announced that Aunt +Henshaw was waiting for me to commence the morning services. At this +information I felt very much mortified; and springing quickly out of +bed, I was soon dressed and in the breakfast room. Aunt Henshaw sat with +a large Bible open before her; and after kissing me kindly, she read a +chapter, and then offered a short prayer. + +After breakfast, Cousin Statia proceeded to wash up the cups and +saucers, which she always did for fear of their being broken; Aunt +Henshaw proceeded to the poultry yard, and I accompanied her. She had a +large tin pan in her hand, filled with moistened Indian meal, with which +she fed the chickens; of which there seemed an endless number, both old +and young. Then we went to the barn-yard, and she showed me a young +calf; but it was an awkward-looking thing, that scampered about without +sense or meaning. But I had not forgotten the kittens, and I asked Aunt +Henshaw where they were. She said that she would look; and going into +the barn, we peered around, in mangers and out-of-the-way places, +without the least success; and we concluded that the old cat must have +hid them up in the mow. + +"Perhaps Holly knows, though," said the old lady, on noticing my +disappointment, "very little escapes her eyes, and we can at least call +her and see." + +Holly was called, but with not much more success than our hunt after the +kittens, so we were obliged to proceed to the kitchen--a wing on the +same floor with the parlor and dining-room. Holly was now visible, +peeling apples, and evidently glad to be released from her task, she +professed herself perfectly acquainted with the whereabouts of the +kittens. + +"But can we get them?" asked Aunt Henshaw. + +"Oh yes, Missus," replied Holly, "if you'll only 'tice the old cat +somewhere and shut her up. She'd 'spect suthin' if she saw me, and +there'd be no gittin' rid of her; and if she once ketched us at the +bisness, she'd scratch our very eyes out--cats is always dreadful skeery +about their kittens." + +There was something in this speech which grated on my ear as painfully +ungrammatical; and I resolved, on the first opportunity, to instruct +Holly in the rudiments of grammar. She remained in the kitchen while +Aunt Henshaw, after calling "pussy" in an affectionate manner, shut the +cat up in the dining-room; and our guide then led the way to the +kittens. The garret stairs turned off in two directions; one led to +about four or five steps, beneath which was a hollow place extending +some distance back, where Holly had often seen the old cat go in and out +in a private manner. + +"Now," said she, "you stay here, and I'll jest git the rake and rake +the kittens out for Miss Amy, here." + +"But I am afraid you will hurt them," said Aunt Henshaw. + +"It ain't very likely," replied Holly confidently, "that they're a-going +to be so shaller as to git hurt. They'll squirm over the points of the +rake, and take care of themselves." + +The rake was brought; and five little sprawling kittens, with their eyes +scarcely open, were soon crawling at my feet. "Oh, you dear little +angels!" I exclaimed in ecstasy. + +"Rather black-looking angels," said Aunt Henshaw with a smile. + +I took them up, one after another, and was quite at a loss which to +admire most. There were three black ones, one grey, and one white one +spotted. I rather thought I preferred the white and grey, while Holly +claimed the three black ones. We took them all to the kitchen and placed +a saucer of milk before them, while Holly let out the cat, that she +might see how well we were treating them. She looked around in surprise +at first; but then deliberately taking them one by one, she carried +them all off in her mouth, and we saw nothing more of them for some +time. + +I spent the morning in wandering about; and in the afternoon I sat in +the parlor with Cousin Statia, who was knitting as fast as her needles +could fly. I asked her for a book; and after some search, she handed me +the "Pilgrim's Progress," in which I soon became deeply interested, +while Aunt Henshaw took a nap in her chair. Towards evening the old +white horse was harnessed up, and we took a drive; Aunt Henshaw being +determined, as she said, to put some color in my pale cheeks. They +evidently thought a great deal of this old horse, whom they called Joe; +but I mentally compared him with my father's carriage-horses--a +comparison not much to his advantage. Cousin Statia drove, but Joe did +not seem much disposed to go. Every now and then he came to a +stand-still, and I quite wanted to get out and push him along. But they +saw nothing uncommon in his behavior, and even congratulated themselves +upon his being so careful. Aunt Henshaw said that such dreadful +accidents had happened in consequence of horses running away with +people, and that Joe's great virtue consisted in his being so perfectly +gentle. + +We did not drive very far, and on our return found that Sylvia had tea +all ready and waiting for us. The old colored woman was quite tasty in +her ideas, and had garnished an immense dish of strawberries with +flowers and leaves, through which the red fruit gleamed most temptingly +forth. After tea, when Cousin Statia had taken up her knitting, and Aunt +Henshaw was seated in her usual chair, I placed a low stool beside her +for myself, and begged for one of her usual stories. She was a very +entertaining old lady, with a great deal of natural wit, and abundant +reminiscences of the times in which she had lived. Nothing delighted us +more than to hear her stories of the Revolution, in many of which she +figured as principal actor; and I now expected a rich treat. + +"Well, I do not know," replied Aunt Henshaw in answer to my question, "I +think I must have told you all." + +This remark, I knew from experience, was the prelude to something even +more interesting than usual, and I waited patiently for her to begin. + +"Did I ever tell you," she continued, "of the time that Statia went to +her Uncle Ben's at night, with no one except her two little brothers?" + +I had never heard the narrative, and eagerly settled myself in the +position of a listener. + +"Statia," said her mother, "you had better tell the story--perhaps you +remember it better than I do." + +"It was a raw November night," she began, "and though it did not exactly +storm, the wind moaned and raged through the trees, blowing the fallen +leaver about in gusts, and making a pleasant fire seem doubly cheerful. +The large hickory logs were roaring and blazing in our huge fireplace +and my father, my mother, my two brothers, and myself were gathered +around the fire. I was the eldest, but I was then only twelve years old; +and yet, I remember always to have felt a great deal of care and +responsibility towards the other children I never can forget the night, +for I then experienced my first lesson of self-forgetfulness; and +whenever I speak of it, it seems as of something just passed. As I was +saying, we all sat by the fire, and had just been talking of the +British, who were dreaded and feared by us children as a race of ogres. +The door opened suddenly, and John, one of the hired men, stood before +us, his countenance expressive of some disaster. My father and mother +both rose in apprehension, and demanded the cause of his seeming terror. + +"Why sir," he stammered, "perhaps it ain't after all, anything so very +bad--there may not be any real danger; though it ain't exactly what you +would have chosen. I have just come from the post-office, and they say +that a party of British have landed about four miles below, and will +probably come and take supper with you. I do not believe they will do +anything worse, but it is best to be ready." + +My mother turned very pale, but she did not faint; she was a true +daughter of America, and always tried to repress all outward signs of +weakness. "I can load the guns," said she, "and attend to the +supper--but what will become of the children? These soldiers may perhaps +be intoxicated, and might set fire to the house." + +"They must be sent away," replied my father; "How long will it be before +the British get here?" he continued. + +"About two hours I should think," was John's reply; "and this being the +first farmhouse they pass, they will probably stop here." + +"Statia," said my father, turning to me, "it is my wish that you take +your brothers and go as quickly as possible to your Uncle Ben's, where +you will be out of danger. I must send you _alone_, my child, for I can +spare no one to accompany you. But it is not a dark night, and you are +well acquainted with the road. I see no other alternative." + +"I trembled in every limb, but I had been brought up with the greatest +deference for my parents' wishes, and should not have dared to dispute +my father's command, even had he told me to do a much harder thing. The +children began to cry, for they were afraid of being murdered on the +road; but my mother succeeded in soothing them; and well bundled up, we +received a kiss and blessing from our parents, and started on our dreary +journey. Here was I quite alone, except my two little brothers, who +clung to me as we went along, and cried with terror, with three long +miles before me, and the wind blowing around us with such fury that we +could scarcely keep our feet. My younger brother now complained of the +cold; and resolved to protect them at whatever cost to myself, I took +off my cloak and wrapped it about him. I had only a shawl left; and +wrapping my arms in its thin folds, while the children grasped my skirt, +we proceeded slowly along. It was fortunate for us that the moon shone +brightly, for, even as it was, I was puzzled about the way. But at +length we reached the well-known house, and surprised enough were they +to see us; but when we told them the reason, my uncle immediately +started for my father's house, to render any assistance that might be +required. The night passed, however, without the expected invasion; the +British proceeded in another direction, and our cold, lonely walk might +have been dispensed with. But my father called me his brave little +girl, and said that in future he could always trust me--while my mother +pressed us silently to her bosom, and as she kissed us, I felt the warm +tears falling on my face. She too had had her trial on that fearful +night." + +I felt very thankful that my parents had never required such a +disagreeable proof of obedience; for, not possessing the firm principle +of right which characterized Cousin Statia, even as a child, I should +have been very much disposed to resist their authority. + +"Well," said Aunt Henshaw, "that is a story of which Statia may well be +proud, but her telling it has just put me in mind of something else. I +once had a large jar of sour milk standing before the fire, which I was +going to make into cottage-cheese, when one of the servants came +running, in breathless haste, with the news that three British soldiers +were approaching the house. Plunder was generally the object of such +stragglers, and there was quite a large sum of gold lying in a bureau +drawer, which I felt very unwilling to part with. My husband was from +home, so seizing the money, I quietly dropped it all in the jar of +milk. I had just finished this exploit when the soldiers entered; and +after eating in a manner that made the children fear they would next be +precipitated down their capacious throats, they began to look about for +plunder. I tried to be as composed as possible, and this, I think, kept +them a little in awe; for they were perfectly civil in words, and did no +damage, except to turn things topsy turvy. They found nothing to suit +them, till spying a very good coat of Mr. Henshaw's, one of them coolly +encased himself in it and they all walked off together." I watched them +from the window, and perceiving that they had left the gate open, I +called out after them: "Be kind enough to shut the gate, will you? I am +afraid the pigs will get in." They stopped a moment, smiled, and then +did as I requested. "Ah, Amy," said my aunt in conclusion, "the +necessity of the times was a school that taught women far more of the +realities of life than they learn now-a-days." + +Aunt Henshaw fell into a long revery; and a pair of eyes, which had been +glimmering near the door for some time, suddenly disappeared, and I +heard the retreating footsteps of Holly as she took her way to the +kitchen. The little colored girl always kept her eyes and ears open, and +never lost an opportunity to gain knowledge of any description. A great +deal which she had stealthily learned was communicated to me during my +stay; and I am sorry to say that I was more hurt than benefitted by the +companionship. Aunt Henshaw, though kind, did not appear to me in the +light of a playmate, and Cousin Statia seldom opened her lips--being too +industrious to waste time in talking; so that, for want of more suitable +company, I descended to the kitchen. + +The next morning, having obtained Aunt Henshaw's permission, I went out +to feed the chickens; and having drawn them near the wood-pile, I +confined my favors almost exclusively to a sober-looking hen and five +little chickens. When the pan was empty, I conceived that I had well +earned the right, and putting my hand down softly, I took up a cunning +little thing and hugged it in delight. But a terrible flapping of wings +sounded close to my ears--I could scarcely distinguish any thing--and +dropping the chicken, I fell across the chopping-log. The old hen rushed +furiously at me, and kept beating me with her wings; while I, afraid +that my eyes would be pecked out, could do nothing but scream. Some one, +at length, picked me up; and when I ventured to look around, I beheld +Sylvia, who stood beside me, laughing immoderately. Holly soon joined +the company, and even Cousin Statia seemed amused; while Aunt Henshaw +carefully examined my eyes to see that they had sustained no injury. + +"I ought to have told you not to touch the chickens," said the old lady; +"for the hen would even sacrifice her life to protect them." + +But experience is the best teacher, after all--the lessons thus gained, +though more disagreeable, are seldom forgotten; and I never again +meddled with the chickens. + +This seemed destined, though, to be a day of misfortunes, to which the +chicken business was but a slight commencement. The evening was most +lovely, and I accompanied Holly, who bad gone to feed the pigs. A fence +separated the pen from the rest of the yard; and on this fence it was +Holly's usual practice to perch herself and watch the motions of her +charges. She looked so comfortable that I determined to follow her +example; and having gained the eminence, I looked around in triumph. But +oh, how sad to tell! but a few moments elapsed ere I found myself +floundering in the mire beneath; while the pigs all rushed towards me as +though I had been thrown there for them to make a supper of. Holly was +quite convulsed with laughter; but my screams now became terrific; and +calling Sylvia, the two extricated me from my unpleasant predicament. + +I was truly a pitiable object, but my white dress was the greatest +sufferer: while the tears that rolled down my cheeks grew blacker and +blacker as they descended. I almost wished myself home again; but +Sylvia, between her paroxyms of laughter, told me "not to cry, and they +would soon make me look as good as new--any how, missus musn't see me in +such a pickle." They fell to scraping and scouring with the greatest +zeal, and then placed me before the kitchen fire to dry. + +"How the pigs did run!" said Holly; "'spect, Miss Amy, they mistook you +for a little broder!" + +At this sally Sylvia laughed louder than ever; but perceiving my +distress, she observed, in a kind tone: "Never mind, Miss Amy, we can't +help laughing, you know--and you'll laugh too, when you git out of this +here mess. But we do really feel sorry for you, for you look reel awful; +I only hope old missus won't come in and ketch you." + +But in a few moments the kind face of Aunt Henshaw looked into the scene +of distress which the kitchen had now become, and surprise at my +appearance rendered her almost speechless. But she soon recovered +herself; and under her direction I was immersed in a tub of water, while +my unfortunate clothes were consigned to the same fate. After this +ceremony I was advised to go to bed; and thither I accordingly repaired, +thinking how forlorn it was to fall into the pig-pen on such a beautiful +evening. + +The whole household seemed disposed to bear in mind that unfortunate +occurrence; when about to fall into mischief, Aunt Henshaw would say in +a peculiar tone: "Remember the pig-pen, Amy!" or, when troubling Sylvia, +it would be; "I guess you learned that in the pig-pen, Miss Amy;" and +even Holly took up the burden of the song, till I heartily wished that +she had taken the plunge instead of myself. Before long they all +discovered that I was very prone to such scrapes; I dropped a very nice +hat down the well, which, for fear of its spoiling the water, they spent +a great deal of time in fishing up--I fell from the mow, but fortunately +sustained no injury; and Sylvia one day caught me skimming off the +cream--an amusement which I considered very innocent, but she speedily +undeceived me. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +Two or three weeks passed on very pleasantly, and I began to think it +time to write a letter home. I had made but little progress in the art, +and letter-writing always appeared to me a great undertaking; but Aunt +Henshaw, having one afternoon provided me with pen, ink, and paper, and +elevated me nicely with the large Bible and my "Pilgrim's Progress," I +sat biting the end of my quill, and pondering over some form of +commencement. I had already written "dear mother" at the top; at length +I added after considerable reflection: + +"I am well, and hope that you are the same. It is very pleasant here. No +more at present from + +Your affectionate Daughter, + +AMY." + +Aunt Henshaw pronounced this "very well--what was of it;" and Cousin +Statia smiled, though I could not well why; but her smiles were so few +and far between that they always set me a wondering. The letter was +sealed, however, and enclosed in a larger one of Aunt Henshaw's, who +probably gave a more detailed account of matters and things than I had +given. + +In the meantime, I was fast regaining the blooming, hoyden appearance +most natural to me; and Aunt Henshaw continued to write glowing accounts +of my improvement. In due time my scrawl was answered by a most +affectionate letter from mamma, to which was added a postscript by my +father; and I began to rise wonderfully in my own estimation, in +consequence of having letters addressed entirely to myself. I even +undertook to correct Sylvia for speaking ungrammatically, which made her +very angry; and she took occasion to observe, that she had not lived so +long in the world to be taught grammar by young ladies who fell into +pig-pens. One great source of amusement at Henshaw's, was to watch +Sylvia making cheeses. Sometimes she allowed me to make small ones, +which I pressed with geranium leaves; but one day, being a little out of +humor, she refused to let me have the rennet unless I could find it.--I +searched through the kitchen and everywhere for it, and spent the whole +morning in looking, till I almost despaired of finding it; but at length +I pushed aside a tub, and there it was. This was one of Sylvia's +peculiarities. She was an excellent servant, and having been a long time +in the family, Aunt Henshaw allowed her to have pretty much her own way. +Sylvia was not wanting in sense, and often, when the old lady thought +she had obtained the better of the dispute, she was, in reality, +yielding to the sagacity of the colored woman. Holly was a sort of +satellite, and evidently quite in awe of her superior; but Sylvia +regarded her as the very quintescence of laziness, and always delighted +to set her at some interminable job. It was much more to Holly's taste +to look after the cows and pigs, and wander about the premises, than to +wash dishes and peel potatoes; but she dared not resist the cook's +authority. + +One Sunday morning I was left at home, in consequence of not being well, +with strict injunctions not to get into mischief; while Aunt Henshaw, +Cousin Statia, and Sylvia went to church--the superintendence of the +house being placed in Holly's charge. I settled myself by the parlor +window with my "Pilgrim's Progress" and pursued the thread of +Christian's adventures; while I glanced from time to time on the +prospect without, while the hum of the locusts and lowing of the cows +came borne upon my ear like pleasant sounds. I laid down my book to read +a chapter in the Bible, and was enjoying a very pleasant frame of mind +when the tempter came, in the shape of Holly, and beckoned me into the +kitchen. + +Nothing loath, I followed eagerly; and the colored girl proposed that we +should have a small baking. The fire had been carefully put out in the +kitchen, and we concluded to make one on bricks in the yard. After +puffing and blowing with considerable energy, Holly kindled a flame; +and we then concluded to mix up some gingerbread, and bake it in +clam-shells As I heard the monotonous hum of the bees, and remarked the +stillness around, while everything seemed to speak of the Sabbath, my +conscience reproached me; and I was several times on the point of +turning back into the parlor, but I lacked sufficient courage to resist +Holly's glowing descriptions of our gingerbread that was to be. The +store-room closet was pretty dark, and Holly was obliged to go by +guess-work in selecting her materials, but all seemed right; and in +triumph we placed several clam-shells of dough on the fire to bake. We +worked very hard to keep up the flames, but the baking progressed +slowly; and we dreaded to hear the sound of wheels that announced the +return of the church-goers. It was done at last, and we sat down to +enjoy the feast. I broke off a piece, and put it in my mouth, expecting +to find a delicious morsel, but it had a very queer taste; and I saw +that Holly was surveying it with an appearance of the greatest +curiosity. + +"What is the matter?" said I, "What have you done to it, Holly?" + +"Well, I guess I've put in lime instead of flour," she replied. + +It was but too true; and just then we heard the sound of wheels, and a +vigorous lifting of the great brass knocker. Holly hurriedly cleared +away all signs of our employment, and then opened the door; while I +returned to my books, convinced that the poorest time to make +gingerbread was on Sunday, and in the dark. But Aunt Henshaw discovered +our proceedings through Sylvia, who complained that some one had dropped +molasses in the lime; which she soon traced to Holly, and I was never +left home again on Sunday, alone. + +"Once," said Aunt Henshaw, when I had, as usual, solicited a story, +"there was a report that the British were about to sack New London. The +city was a scene of hurry and confusion. Carriages were driving hither +and thither, laden with silver plate and other valuables, which the +owners were glad to place in the hands of any respectable-looking +stranger they met, for safe-keeping. Several pieces were placed in our +carriage; among others a handsome silver tankard and half-a-dozen +goblets, which were never reclaimed. I have always kept them to this +day." + +She showed me these articles, which were extremely rich and massive, and +the old lady always kept them carefully locked in a capacious +side-board; never taking them out except to look at. + +"Aunt Henshaw, did you ever see a lord?" I inquired. + +"Plenty of them," was her reply, "lords were as thick as blackberries +during the Revolution." + +"How did they look?" said I. + +"Very much like other people--and often pretty distressed." + +I was then surprised at this information, but I have since learned +better; for I have seen the House of Lords in England, and they are, for +the most part, a common, uninteresting-looking assembly. + +"There was a Lord Spencer," continued my aunt, "a very wild young man, +who was constantly committing some prank or other--though always +strictly honorable in repairing any damages he occasioned. He once, for +mere sport, shot a fine colt, belonging to an old farmer, as he was +quietly grazing in the field. Even his companions remonstrated with him, +and endeavored to prevent the mischief; but he laid them a wager that he +should not only escape punishment, but that he would even make the old +farmer perfectly satisfied with his conduct. They accepted his bet, and +anxious to see how he would extricate himself, they accompanied him to +the residence of the old farmer. + +"That is a very fine colt of yours," began the young lord, "I should +like to purchase him." + +"He is not for sale," replied the farmer, shortly. + +"I suppose not," rejoined the visitor. "But what would you value him at +in case any accident happened to him through the carelessness of others? +What sum would pay you for it?" + +"A hundred dollars would cover his value," said the farmer, after some +consideration, "but has any thing happened to him, that you ask these +questions?" + +"Yes," replied the lord, "I have unfortunately shot him--and here is two +hundred dollars as an equivalent." + +Lord Spencer won his wager, for the farmer had made at least a hundred +dollars, and being extremely fond of money, he could not regret the loss +of his colt. "This is a specimen, Amy, of what lords are; so do not go to +forming any exalted notions of them, as of a superior race of beings. It +was very cruel in Lord Spencer to shoot the poor animal--but it was +honorable in him to make up the farmer's loss, for it doubled the amount +of wages he gained; yet to sum up the proceeding, it was wrong--for +besides killing an inoffensive animal, it did not belong to him." + +Aunt Henshaw seldom failed to point out the right and wrong in her +stories, for she feared that I would be carried away with whatever was +most dazzling, and thus form erroneous impressions. It is an excellent +maxim that "people should be just before they are generous;" and did all +bear this in mind while admiring actions that often dazzle with a false +glitter, they would assume a totally different appearance. + +Every few days there was an inundation of different cousins who lived +but a few miles distant; and then there was so much shaking of great +rough hands, as I was presented--so many comments on my appearance, and +comparison of each separate feature with each of my parents--that I grew +almost afraid to look up under the many eyes that were bent upon me to +detect resemblances to the Henshaws, Chesburys, or Farringtons--which +last was my mother's maiden name. I became quite tired of telling people +when I arrived, how long I intended to stay, and how many brothers and +sisters I had. They were all very kind, though, and invited me so +politely to come and see them that I quite wanted to go; and Aunt +Henshaw promised to return their visits very soon, and bring me with +her. + +So one fine day we set forth on a visit to Cousin Ben's--a son of the +identical Uncle Ben to whose house Cousin Statia walked with her two +little brothers, on that cold November night. She pointed out the road +as we passed, showed me the very place where she had wrapped her own +cloak around her brother, the spot where they stopped to rub their hands +warm, and a cross-road which they came very near taking. The house was +plain, but pleasantly situated; and as we drove up to the door, Cousin +Ben, his wife, and two or three children about my own age, came out to +meet us. There was very little reserve among these country cousins; and +before long, I was on as good terms with my play-mates as though I had +known them all my life. We raced out into the fields, and feasted on +sugar-pears, which were then just ripe; and I found, to my surprise, +that my female cousins were quite as expert at climbing trees as the +boys. I began to feel deficient in accomplishments; but I was not +sufficiently a hoyden to follow their example, and could only perform +the part of an admiring spectator. + +A very quiet-looking old horse was grazing near by, and my cousins +proposed that we should have a ride. I surveyed the great tall animal +with dismay, and was frightened at the idea of being perched on his +back; but the boys lifted me up, and five of us were soon mounted, ready +for a start. It was our intention to proceed in this triumphant manner +to the woods to gather berries; but our proposed conductor evidently +disapproved the projected excursion, for, with a sudden kick-up behind, +he sent us all five rolling on the grass. My white frock was the +sufferer as usual; and scarcely any evil that has befallen me since, +ever affected me more than would the dreaded spot that always appeared +in the most conspicuous place whenever I was dressed up. It was always +the herald of speedy disgrace, either in the shape of being sent +supperless to bed, or deprived of going out next day. Mammy was +particularly severe on such occasions; it was provoking to be sure, +after taking the pains to dress me nicely, to find all her work spoiled +within the next fifteen minutes; but I did think it was not my fault, +and wondered how it always happened. My new companions could not +understand my distress in consequence of this accident; and with +trembling steps I went in to Aunt Henshaw, expecting to be kept by her +side for the rest of the day, and never brought out again. + +What was my surprise when, after examining the spot, she said, in a tone +which sounded like music in my ears: "Well child, you couldn't help it, +and it is well you were not hurt. After all, white dresses are poor +things for children to play in, and this is only fit for the wash-tub +now. But this is not quite so bad as the pig-pen--eh, Amy?" + +The color mounted quickly into my face at these last words, and gladly +obeying her injunction to "go, play now," I bounded from the room; while +Aunt Henshaw, I suppose, enlightened the company as to the meaning of +her question, and my evident confusion. Oh, if people did but know the +effect of kind words, especially when harshness is expected! I never +enjoyed romping so much in all my life as on that afternoon; Aunt +Henshaw had pronounced my dress "fit only for the wash-tub," and I +thought that before it proceeded thither, it might just as well be a +little more soiled as not. So we rolled about on the grass, climbed over +fences, and rambled through the woods without fear or restraint. With a +light and happy heart I set out on the journey home, congratulating +myself that I was not then to encounter the eagle eyes of Mammy. + +Aunt Henshaw, though perfectly willing that I should enjoy myself at +play, did not approve of my spending my whole time in idleness; and +under her superintendence, I felt more disposed to work than I ever had +before. With her assistance I completed several articles of dress for a +sister of Sylvia's, who was very poor, and lived in a sort of hovel near +by; and the indefatigable Holly having again discovered the kittens in +some equally out-of-the-way place, I at last, with a great deal of +difficulty, succeeded in manufacturing a warm suit of clothes for the +winter wear of the prettiest one. Having equipped the kitten in its new +habiliments, I carried it to Aunt Henshaw, as quite a triumph of art; +but when I made my appearance, with the two little ears poking out of +the bonnet, and the tail quite visible through a hole in the skirt which +I had cut for it, Cousin Statia actually indulged in a hearty fit of +laughter, while Aunt Henshaw appeared even more amused. She told me +that nature had furnished it with a covering quite sufficient to protect +it from the cold; but I thought that it must then be a great deal too +warm in summer, and had just commenced fanning it, when she explained to +me that the fur was a great deal thinner in summer than in winter. This +satisfied me; and releasing the astonished kitten from its numerous +wrappers, I presented them to Holly, and gave up all idea of furnishing +it with a wardrobe. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +At Aunt Henshaw's, my passion for rummaging drawers and boxes of +knickknacks was abundantly gratified. The old lady fairly over-flowed +with the milk of human kindness, and allowed me to put her things in +disorder as often as I chose. There was an album quilt, among her +possessions, which I never grew tired of admiring. The pieces were all +of an octagon shape, arranged in little circles of different colors; and +in the centre of each circle was a piece of white muslin, on which was +written in tiny characters the name of the person who had made the +circle, and two lines of poetry. This album quilt was a good many years +old; and had been made by the ladies of the neighborhood, as a tribute +of respect to Aunt Henshaw, on account of her many acts of bravery and +presence of mind during the trying times of the Revolution. + +The old lady was never weary of describing the grand quilting, which +took place in an old stone barn on the premises; when they all came at +one o'clock, and sitting down to work, scarcely spoke a word until six, +when the quilt was triumphantly pronounced to be completed; and taking +it from the frame, they proceeded to arrange a large table, set out with +strawberries and cream, dough-nuts, chickens, cider, and almost every +incongruous eatable that could be mentioned. Washington was then +President, and after drinking his health in cider, coffee, and tea, +which last was then a very precious commodity, being served in cups +exactly the size of a doll's set, they all in turn related stories or +personal anecdotes of the great General, of whom Aunt Henshaw never +spoke without the greatest reverence and enthusiasm. He died when I was +very young, so that I never saw him; but I have visited his tomb, and +his residence at Mount Vernon, and have also seen portraits of him that +were pronounced to be life-like by those who were intimately acquainted +with him. + +Aunt Henshaw had actually entertained La Fayette at her house for a +whole night, and she showed me the very room he slept in; while Cousin +Statia produced an album in which he had written his name. I always +experienced a burning desire to possess some memento of the +distinguished men whose names are woven in the annals of our country; +and seating myself at the table with the album before me, I spent +several hours in trying to copy the illustrious autograph. But all my +efforts were vain; I could produce nothing like it, and was obliged to +return the book to its favored owner. + +I delighted to spell out the album quilt until I knew almost every line +by heart; while the curious medley which these different scraps of +poetry presented reminded me very much of a play, in which one person +repeats a line, to which another must find a rhyme. When Aunt Henshaw +died, which was just about the time that I was grown up, she left the +quilt to me in her will; because, as she said. I had always been so +fond of it. I still have it carefully packed away, and regard it as +quite a treasure. + +But very often, during a voyage of discoveries through rooms that were +seldom used, I passed various boxes, and awkward-looking little trunks, +and curious baskets, that struck me as being particularly interesting in +appearance. But Aunt Henshaw always said: "Those are Statia's--we must +not touch them," and passed quickly on, without in the least indulging +my excited curiosity. Whether Cousin Statia kept wild animals, or +mysterious treasures, or old clothes, in all these places, I was unable +to conclude; but I determined to find out if possible. Having one day +accompanied her upstairs, she proceeded to unlock a large trunk which I +had always regarded with longing eyes; and opening them very wide, that +I might take in as much as possible in a hasty survey, what was my +disappointment to see her take out a couple of linen pillow-cases, +nicely ruffled, while at least a dozen or two more remained, together +with a corresponding number of sheets, table-cloths, napkins, &c.! All +of home-made manufacture, and seeming to my youthful ideas enough to +last a life-time. What could Cousin Statia possibly do with all these +things? Or what had she put them there for? I knew that Aunt Henshaw +possessed inexhaustible stores, and I could not imagine why Cousin +Statia found it necessary to have her's separate. I pondered the matter +over for two or three days, and then concluded to apply to Holly for +information on the desired point. + +"Why, lor bless you!" said the colored girl in a mysterious manner, +"Didn't you know that Miss Statia has been crossed in love?" + +Holly announced this fact as a sufficiently explanatory one; but I could +not comprehend what connection there was between being crossed in love, +and a large trunk of bran new things. + +"Why, I quite pities your ignorance, Miss Amy! In old times," continued +my informant, as though dwelling on her own particular virtue in this +respect, "in old times people didn't used to be half so lazy as they am +now-a-days, and thought nothing at all of sewing their fingers to the +bone, or spinning their nails off, or knittin' forever; and when gals +growed up, and had any thoughts of gittin' married, they set to work and +made hull trunks full of things, and people used to call them spinsters. +Now Miss Statia has been fillin' trunks and baskets ever sense she could +do anything, so that she's got a pretty likely stock--but no one ever +came along this way but what was married already, and that's the meanin' +of bein' crossed in love. But don't for your life go to tellin' +nobody--they'd most chop my head off, if it should come out." + +I asked Holly how she had ascertained the fact; "Oh," she replied, +knowingly, "there ain't much that escapes me. I know pretty much every +article in this house, and hear whatever's goin' on. Key-holes is a +great convenience; and though it ain't very pleasant to be squatin' in +cold entries, and fallin' in the room sometimes, when people open the +door without no warnin', yet I'm often there when they think I'm safe in +the kitchin. Miss Statia once boxed my ears and sent me to bed, when she +happened to ketch me listinin'; but it didn't smart much, and people +can't 'spect to gather roses without thistles." + +Holly often interspersed her conversation with various quotations and +wise reflections; but the idea of listening at key-holes quite shocked +my sense of honor, and I endeavored to remonstrate with her upon the +practice. + +"It won't do for you to talk so, Miss Amy," was her sagacious reply; +"you mus'n't quarrel with the ship that carries you safe over. If I had +not listened at key-holes, you'd never have known what was in them +trunks." + +The truth of this remark was quite manifest; and concluding that I was +not exactly suited to the character of admonisher, I never renewed the +attempt. + +Aunt Henshaw had boxes of old letters which she estimated among her +greatest valuables; and sometimes, when the sun was shining brightly +without, and the soft air of summer waving the trees gently to and fro, +the old lady would invite me in a mysterious manner to her room, and +drawing forth an almost endless package, open letter after letter, and +read to me the correspondence of people whom I cared nothing about. I +tried very hard to suppress all signs of yawning, for I wanted to be out +at play; but I must have been ungrateful not to exercise a little +patience with one so kind and affectionate, and she, dear old soul! +evidently considered it the greatest treat she could offer me. I became +in this manner acquainted with the whole history of her courtship; and +charmed with so quiet a listener, she would read to me till I fairly +fell asleep. But her thoughts being entirely occupied with the past, and +her eyes in endeavoring to decipher the faded hand-writing, this +inattention passed unobserved; and she pursued her reading until called +off by her daily duties. + +Dear old lady! how often have I watched her when she was asleep, as with +the neat white frill of her cap partially shading her face, she sat in +the large chair with her hands folded together, and her spectacles lying +on the book in her lap. She looked so pure and calm that I sometimes +felt afraid that she might be dead, like old people I had heard of who +died quietly in their sleep; but I could not bear the idea, and a +feeling of inexpressible relief would come over me when I beheld the +lids slowly rise again from the mild eyes that were ever bent lovingly +upon me. + +She bad a box piled with rolls of manuscript containing poetry, which +she told me she had taken great pleasure in composing. "Saturday +nights," said she, "when everything was in order, and, the next day +being Sunday, I had no household cares to think of, I would amuse myself +in composing verses that were seldom shown to any one. Mr. Henshaw was a +most excellent man and a kind husband, but he had no taste for poetry, +and considered it a great waste of time. Another thing that helped to +set him against it was an unfortunate poem that I composed on the event +of a marriage that took place in the neighborhood. The gentleman had +courted the lady for a number of years without success; and after +praising his constancy, I dwelt on the beauteous Eliza's charms, and +said something about winning the goal at last. But they were very much +offended; they supposed that I was ridiculing them, and said that I had +represented them as doing a great many foolish things which they had +never thought of. There was no use in attempting to pacify them--I had +thrown away my poetry where it was not appreciated; and Mr. Henshaw +exclaimed in a tone of annoyance: 'Now do, I beg of you, never let me +see you again at the writing-desk! You have done as much mischief with +your pen as other women accomplish with their tongues.' So I never sent +poetry again to other people; but whenever I felt lonely, I sat down and +wrote, and it has really been a great comfort to me. One of these days, +Amy, I shall give this all to you." + +When I returned home, the poetry was carefully laid in the bottom of my +trunk; but I have my suspicions that for sometime after Jane kindled the +nursery fire with it. While looking over her things one day. Aunt +Henshaw showed me an old-fashioned pair of ear-rings, which I admired +very much. + +"I intended to give these to you, Amy," said she, "but I see that your +ears have not been pierced." + +"Why, I thought those holes always grew in people's ears!" said I, in +surprise. "Have I none in mine?" + +"No," she replied, "they are always made with a needle, or some sharp +instrument." + +"Does it hurt?" I inquired. + +"Not much," was her reply, and so the subject dropped, but I still +pursued it in thought. + +I fancied myself decked with the ear-rings, and the pleasure I should +experience in showing them to Mammy and Jane; but then on the other +hand, the idea of the needle was anything but agreeable, for I could not +bear the least pain. I wavered for sometime between the advantages and +disadvantages of the operation. This state of mind led me to notice +people's ears much more than I had formerly done; and perceiving that +Sylvia's were adorned with a pair of large gold hoops, I applied to her +for advice. + +"Why, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, in surprise, "you are real shaller, if +you don't have your ears bored after that! Why, I'd made a hole in my +nose in half a minit, if somebody'd only give me a gold ring to put +through it!" + +"Who bored _your_ ears, Sylvia?" said I at length. + +"Why, I did it myself, to be sure. Any body can do that--jest take a +needle and thread and draw it right through." + +I shuddered involuntarily; but just then Sylvia moved her head a little, +and the rings shook and glittered so fascinatingly that I resolved to +become a martyr to the cause of vanity. The colored woman having agreed +to perform the office, and Aunt Henshaw and Statia being out for the +afternoon, I seated myself on a chair with my back against the dresser; +while Sylvia mounted the few steps that led to her sleeping-room in +order to search for a needle, and Holly endeavored to keep up my courage +by representing the fascinating appearance I should present when +decorated with ear-rings. + +Sylvia soon came down, with needle, and thread, and cork; while I began +to tremble and turn pale on perceiving the instruments of torture. I had +quite forgotten how disagreeable needles felt in the flesh; and Sylvia's +first attempt was brought to a sudden end by a loud scream, which would +certainly have roused the neighbors had there been any near. + +"Now, Miss Amy!" she exclaimed, "I had your ear almost bored then. But +if you're going to cut up such didos I shall leave off directly--it +ain't no such great fun for me." + +She was going up stairs with a very resolute air, and again the +ear-rings flashed and glittered; and having by this time lost the acute +sense of pain, I called her back and begged her to proceed. + +"Now mind," said she, "if you holler again, I'll jest stop at once." + +I glued my lips firmly together, while she again adjusted the cork and +needle; but I could hardly bear it, and trembled like an aspen leaf. One +ear was soon pierced, while I felt the needle in every part of my frame; +and Sylvia was proceeding to do the other, but I jumped up suddenly, +exclaiming: "Oh Sylvia! I cannot have the other one bored! It will kill +me!" + +"Well, I wouldn't if I was you, Miss Amy," said she, "cos you can hang +both rings in one ear, you know--and that'll look real beautiful, won't +it, Holly?" + +Holly burst into a loud fit of laughter, and through the effects of +ridicule, I submitted a second time to the infliction. But it was +impossible to endure the suffering any longer; the color gradually +faded from my face, and just as Sylvia concluded, she found that I had +fainted. The two were very much frightened, and after almost drowning me +with water, they lifted me up and carried me to my own bed. Aunt Henshaw +soon came home, and her horror at my situation was only equalled by her +astonishment. Sylvia did not tell her the cause of my sudden illness; +but she soon discovered it by a glance at my ears which were much +inflamed and swollen, having been pierced in a very bungling manner. +Sylvia received such a severe reprimand that she was almost angry enough +to leave on the spot; but she had only erred through ignorance, and I +succeeded at length in reconciling her mistress. + +"But, my dear Amy," said the kind old lady, as she sat down beside me, +"Why is it that you are always getting into some trouble if left to +yourself for ever so short a time? You cannot tell the pain it gives me. +Why, an account of your various scrapes since you have been here would +almost fill a book." + +What could I reply? It was a natural and most unfortunate propensity +which displayed itself everywhere; as well with Mammy in the precincts +of the nursery, as when roaming about at Aunt Henshaw's. + +"But the ear-rings?" said I. "You will give them to me now, will you +not? I should _so_ much like to have them!" + +"And so you shall have them, dear," replied Aunt Henshaw. "It would he +cruel to refuse them after your suffering so much for them. But I never +would have mentioned them had I had any idea of such an unfortunate +result." + +Supposing that it would please me, she got them out of the case and laid +them beside me. They were very pretty, to be sure, but oh! how much +suffering those ear-rings caused me! My poor ears were very sore for a +long time, and I would sit for hours leaning my head on a pillow, in +hopes of easing the pain. And yet, when they were at last well, and the +ear-rings really in, I almost forgot what I had suffered in the delight +I experienced at my supposed transformation. They were the admiration of +the kitchen; and even Aunt Henshaw and Cousin Statia allowed that +ear-rings were a great improvement; and I began to think that on my +return home they would even throw Ellen Tracy's curls into the shade. + +The summer was passing away--harvest had come and gone; and while the +others were engaged during this busy season, I was to be seen perched on +every load of hay, from which I had of course two or three tumbles, but +always on some pile beneath. The kittens had grown large and awkward, +and consequently lost my favor; while the cat no longer put herself to +the trouble of hiding them, so that I could now have them whenever I +chose--coming like most other privileges when no longer desired. The +evenings were getting chilly, so that a fire was very acceptable; and I +loved to sit by the bright flame before the candles were brought in, and +listen to Aunt Henshaw's stories. + +"Now," said I one evening when we had all comfortably arranged ourselves +to spend the twilight in doing nothing, "do tell me a very interesting +story, Aunt Henshaw--for you know that I am going home soon, and perhaps +it is the last that I shall hear." + +"Well," said she with a smile, "if it is to be so very interesting, I +must think very hard first." + +Cousin Statia had been looking towards the door, when she suddenly +inquired: "Did you ever tell her about the bullet hole?" + +"Why, no," replied the old lady, "I do not believe I ever did. Have you +noticed the round hole in the front door, Amy?" + +I replied in the negative; and taking me into the hall, she led the way +to the front door which opened in two parts, and in the upper half I +distinctly perceived a bullet hole which had been made by the British; +and it was the story attached to this very hole which she was about to +tell me. + +"Well, one night," said she, "a long while ago, I sat by the fire with +the baby in my arms, while the other children were playing around. The +two women servants were in the kitchen, and Mr. Henshaw had taken the +men several miles off, on some business relating to the farm. It was +just about this time, before the candles were lit; and one of the women +came in to tell me that five British soldiers were approaching the +house. + +"Fasten all the doors then," said I, "and let no one enter unless I +give you permission." + +The doors were well fastened up, and before long I heard them knocking +with the ends of their muskets. I let them knock for some time; but at +length I raised an upper window, and asked them what they wanted. + +"We want some supper," they replied, "and will probably stay all night." + +"It is not in my power to accommodate you." I replied, as coolly as +possible, "nor do I feel willing to admit any visitors in the absence of +my husband." + +"If you do not admit us soon we will break the door down!" they +exclaimed. + +"Of that I am not much afraid," said I; "it is too well secured." + +I withdrew from the window, and for half an hour they tried various +means of effecting an entrance, but it was impossible. I approached the +window again, and they called out: "If you do not have the door opened, +we shall certainly fire!" + +"Do so," I replied; "there is no one to injure by it except helpless +women and children." + +I did not suppose they would do it--I thought it was intended only for +a threat; and was therefore as much surprised as any of the others, when +a bullet came whizzing through the front door, and passing through a +pane of glass in an opposite window, fell into the yard. A dreadful +scream arose from the servants, and perhaps frightened for the effects, +or perceiving my husband and the men, they made a hasty retreat; and I +was just ready to sink from fright when Mr. Henshaw came in. He told me +never to stop up the bullet-hole, but to leave it to show what women +were made of in the Revolution. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +Cousin Statia had completed her winter's knitting, Aunt Henshaw began to +make pumpkin pies, and the period of my visit was rapidly drawing to a +close. The letters from home grew more and more solicitous for my +return, and at last the day was fixed. I felt anxious to see them all +again, and yet rather sorry to lay aside my present state of freedom. I +had quite escaped from leading-strings, and found it very pleasant to +follow the bent of my inclination as I had done at Aunt Henshaw's; but +absence had banished all memory of the thorns I had sometimes +encountered in my career at home, and I thought only of the roses--the +idea of change being also a great inducement. + +Holly and I had passed whole afternoons in gathering hazel-nuts which +grew near a fence not far from the house; and having filled a very +respectable-sized bag with them, I felt quite impatient at the idea of +returning home well-laden with supplies, like any prudent housekeeper. +Aunt Henshaw was to accompany me, and selecting some of her choicest +produce, and an immense bunch of herbs, as antidotes for all the aches +and ills which human flesh is heir to, on a bright, glowing September +morning, we set forward on my homeward journey. "Blessings brighten as +they leave us;" and although I had been considered the torment of the +whole household, all regretted my departure, and begged me to come soon +again. + +"Now, Miss Amy," said Sylvia, as I was taking a long private farewell in +the kitchen, "jest take a piece of advice from an old colored woman what +has lived longer in the world than you have, and roasted chickens and +fried sassages ever sense she can remember. Buckwheat cakes is very +good, but to keep your own counsel is a heap better--so when you go home +don't you go to telling about that ere pig-pen business, or the time +when the old hen flewed at you, or tumbling off the old horse. People +that don't say nothin' often gits credit for bein' quite sensible, and +p'raps you can deceive 'em too; for you'll be kind o' made a fuss with +when you fust get home, and if you don't let on about all these here +scrapes they'll think more of you." + +Sylvia's advice struck me as being very sensible, and I therefore +resolved to act upon it, and endeavor to make them consider me quite a +different character from the hoyden Amy. I kissed Cousin Statia, who +took up her sewing as calmly as though nothing of any importance was +about to occur; and having delighted Holly's eyes with a bright ribbon +in which all the colors of the rainbow seemed combined, I presented +Sylvia with a collar worked by myself, and passed out to the stage, +which was waiting for us. Our journey home was quite an uneventful one; +and the wind being more favorable, we were not so long on the passage. + +My parents were watching for us with anxious solicitude; but when the +door opened in bounded a wild, blooming hoyden, in whose sparkling eyes +and glowing cheeks they could detect no trace of the delicate invalid. +Henry and Fred, with a troop of younger brothers, stood ready to devour +me with kisses; but Mammy, rushing impulsively forward, pushed them all +aside, and cried and laughed over me alternately, while she almost +crushed me with the violence of her affection. Before I was well seated, +Fred spied out the bag of hazel-nuts; and a vigorous sound of cracking +informed me that the work of devastation had already commenced. + +How they all stared at my ear-rings! But mamma turned pale and burst +into tears; while I stood still, feeling very uncomfortable, and yet not +being exactly aware of the manner in which I had displeased her. Aunt +Henshaw, however, with a minute accuracy that struck me as being +painfully correct, related every circumstance connected with that +unfortunate business, from her finding me extended on the bed to the +time when the rings were placed in my ears. + +"Oh Amy! how could you!" exclaimed my mother; "I have always despised +the barbarous practice of making holes in the flesh for the sake of +ornament," she continued, "but to have them pierced by an ignorant +colored woman! Come here, child, and let me look at your ears. They are +completely spoiled!" she exclaimed, "the holes are one-sided, and close +to the very bone! What is to be done?" + +Aunt Henshaw suggested that it would be better to let those grow up, and +have others made in the right place; but I still retained a vivid +recollection of that scene of torture, and did not therefore feel +willing to have it repeated. But the ear-rings must come out--they were +no ornament all one-sided; so they were laid away in cotton, while I had +the pleasure of reflecting on the suffering I had endured for nothing. +Being thus brought down at the very commencement of my attempt to be +sensible, and finding it less trouble to resume my natural character, I +concluded to disregard Sylvia's well-meant advice. I was very poor at +keeping a secret; so one by one all the scrapes in which I had figured +came to light, to the great horror of the others, and the delight of +Fred, who was quite pleased to discover a congenial soul. + +Mammy at length seized upon me again, and carrying me almost by force +to the nursery, she locked the door and sat down beside me; determined, +as she said, to have me to herself for a while. Having requested an +account of all the adventures I had met with, she listened with the most +absorbed attention while I unfolded the various circumstances of my +visit. Mammy was sometimes amused, sometimes frightened, and often +shocked, but generally for the dignity of the family; for as I had been +its representative, she feared that it would suffer in the eyes of the +country people. + +Time passed on; Aunt Henshaw returned home, and things proceeded in +their usual way. My vanity was flattered by the increased attention +which I met with on all sides; my parents appeared to consider me much +less of a child since my return, and I was in consequence almost +emancipated from the nursery; while Mammy and Jane no longer chided me +for my misdemeanors--which, to say the truth, were much less frequent +than formerly. + +But I soon after experienced a great source of regret in the departure +of Ellen Tracy for boarding-school. Not being an only daughter like +myself, her parents could better spare her; but we were almost +inconsolable at parting, and having shed abundance of tears, presented +each other with keepsakes as mementos of our unchanging friendship. Hers +was a little china cup, which I have kept to this day, while I gave her +a ring made of my own hair; so that, for want of Ellen's company, I was +obliged to take up with her brother's; and the boys complained that I +kept Charles so much to myself it was impossible to make him join any of +their excursions. + +It was my twelfth birthday; and on the evening of that day I feared that +Mammy's oft-repeated threat of leaving us, at which we had so often +trembled in our younger days, was about to be verified. A married sister +was taken very ill, and Mammy was immediately sent for to take care of +her; and indeed we were afraid that she would be obliged to stay there +altogether, on account of her nephews and nieces. How dreary the nursery +seemed after her departure! In vain did the good-natured Jane exert +herself to tell her most amusing stories; they had lost their interest; +and yielding to her feelings, she became at length as dull as any of us. + +In about a week Mammy returned; but we could see that she was changed; +her sister had died and left five children but illy provided for. +Through the influence of my father, different situations were obtained +for the three eldest; while the old nurse, with the assistance of +occasional charity, supported the two younger ones. But Mammy had +suffered from sleepless nights, and rooms but illy warmed; and her own +health failed during her ceaseless watch by the bedside of her sister. +We did not know exactly what it was, but felt very sure that Mammy +seemed no longer like the same person. + +Children who are kept at a distance by their parents and elders, often +have very queer thoughts, whose existence no one imagines. I do not +think I was an ordinary child; and notwithstanding my hoyden nature had +a very thoughtful turn of mind. I well recollect, on being once sent +early to bed for some misdemeanor I bribed my brother Fred to accompany +me; and waking up during the night, the saying that "he who goes to bed +in anger has the devil for his bed-fellow" came across my mind, and +impressed me so strongly that I caught hold of Fred's foot to ascertain +whether it was so disagreeable a guest, or my own madcap brother who was +lying beside me. Even the kick I received in return was rather welcome +than otherwise, as it proved beyond a doubt that it was really the +veritable Fred. + +But what has this to do with Mammy? you ask. A great deal, I can assure +you; for I began to fear that it was not the old nurse who had returned +to us, but some strange being, who, having assumed her appearance, had +not been able altogether to imitate her manner. So I kept myself aloof, +and felt afraid to venture too close; but she grew thinner and paler, +and my mother relieved her from all care of the children. + +I slept in a small closet that opened into the nursery; and calling me +very softly one night, she said, "Miss Amy, will you bring me a pitcher +of water? I know they would not let me have it," she continued as I +attempted to remonstrate with her, "but I am determined not to die +choking." + +I was very much frightened, but I could not see her suffer with thirst; +and bringing her a large pitcher of water, she drank almost half of it +at once. "Now place it on a chair where I can reach it," said she, "and +go back to bed--I shall be better soon." + +I did as she requested, and, childlike, soon fell asleep again. The old +nurse too slept--but hers was the sleep that knows no waking. They came +in the next morning and found her dead. Her features were peaceful as +though she had died calmly, and beside her stood the pitcher empty. She +always said that if she should ever be ill, she _would_ have water--she +would drink till she died, and she had literally done so. We all felt +very sad, and Fred broke forth into loud screams, on being told of her +death. + +It was my first realization of death--the first corpse I had ever seen; +and as I knelt beside the coffin, where the pale hands that lay +cross-folded on the breast, the motionless features, and the dreadful +stillness of the whole figure, spoke eloquently of the change that had +taken place, I thought of my many acts of wilfulness, ingratitude, and +unkindness, which had often pained the loving heart that had now forever +ceased to beat. Could I but see those still features again animated with +life, I felt that never again would my tongue utter aught but words of +kindness; but it was now too late for amendment--there was nothing left +me but repentance. + +My parents too grieved at her death; she had been in the family so long +that they were loathe to miss the old familiar face from its post in the +nursery. She was buried from our own house; and there were more true +mourners at her funeral than often fall to the lot of the great and +gifted. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +"Papa, have you any relations?" I asked one evening rather suddenly, +after pondering over the subject and wondering why it was that our +family consisted of no one but papa, and mamma, and us children; while +other people always had aunts, or uncles, or cousins living with them. +We had plenty, to be sure, who came and made visits at different times; +but I meant some one to live with us altogether. + +"What a curious question!" said my father, smiling, "And how suddenly +you bolted out with it, Amy, after at least half an hour's silence. You +must have thought deeply on the subject, but what put it into your head +just now?" + +Not knowing exactly what to say, I wisely remained silent; and turning +to my mother, he continued in a low tone: "Do you know that this random +question of Amy's has awakened some not very welcome reminiscences, and +pointed out a line of duty which does not promise much pleasure beyond +the consciousness of doing right? I ought to invite an addition to the +family without delay." + +"Are you joking, or in earnest?" inquired my mother, "And if in earnest, +pray whom do you refer to?" + +"You will soon find it to be most solid, substantial earnest," rejoined +my father, "for I must this very evening write a letter to Mrs. +Chesbury, senior, the step-mother of whom you have heard me speak, +inviting her to spend the summer with us. She has, you know, resided at +the South since my father's death, occasionally visiting her relatives +at the North; and as we have never yet been honored with her company, +that pleasure is still in store for us. My recollections of her, to be +sure, are not so very delightful. She was very severe in her discipline, +and continually checked my pleasures and enjoyments, which she usually +exchanged for some long, heavy, incomprehensible task; and at the first +blunder in recitation, off came her shoe, which she immediately laid +across my shoulders with the most unremitting zeal. I recollect her +whipping me one day when it really appeared to me that I had not been in +the least to blame. I was quite a little fellow then, and drawing my +hand across my eyes, I sobbed forth: 'I wish one of us in this room was +dead, I do--I don't wish it was me--and I don't wish it was the +cat--' Whatever I had intended to add was suddenly cut short; and I began +to think that it was rather foolish of me to subject myself to two +whippings instead of one. I have quite escaped from leading-strings +now," added my father with an expressive look; but the old lady may be +of considerable assistance in keeping you young ones in order. + +The children looked frightened; and Fred, being now too old to dread any +whippings on his own account, kindly undertook the instruction of his +younger brothers in the art of being saucy and playing practical jokes. +We were told to call her "grandmother," and treat her with the greatest +respect; but as I dwelt upon my father's account of her, like the +magician in olden story, I almost trembled at the visitor I had invoked. +The letter was written and despatched; and after a while, an answering +one received, in which the step-mother accepted her son-in-law's +invitation, "for the sake," as she said, "of the many happy hours they +had formerly enjoyed together." I sat reading in a distant corner of the +room when this letter was received, almost concealed by the folds of the +curtains; and the other children being out of the room, I overheard my +father say: + +"I do not remember much else but being whipped, and sent supperless to +bed; if they _were_ happy hours, it must have been on the principle of +the frogs--'What is play to you is death to us.'" + +My mother smiled; but she replied softly: "Perhaps she is changed now, +Arthur; do not say anything against her before the children, for she is +a stranger, entitled to our hospitality--and I would not have her +welcome a chilling one." + +In process of time the old lady arrived, accompanied by a colored +servant who answered to the name of Venus. Fred christened her "the +black divinity," at which she became highly offended; and ever after, +there was a perpetual war of words waging between the two. My +grandmother was a small, dark-complexioned woman, with an exceedingly +haughty, and very repulsive expression. She received all her +daughter-in-law's endeavors to make her feel at home as a natural right; +and appeared to consider other people intended only for her sole use and +benefit. As I glanced from her to my mother's fair, soft beauty, and +strikingly sweet expression, I formed a comparison between the two not +much to my grandmother's advantage. + +We soon found that the old lady had a great idea of taking the reins +into her own hands; the children were scolded, and threatened, and +locked up in dark closets, until, to use their own expression, they +became, most "dreadfully good," and never dared to show off under the +espionage of those eagle eyes. During the summer, our parents were +absent for some weeks on a pleasure jaunt; and Grandmother Chesbury +having the entire control of us, we were obliged to behave very +differently from usual. She kept us all in awe except Fred; but on him +it was impossible to make the least impression. If she tyrannized over +the rest us, it was abundantly repaid by the teazings of my mischievous +brother. + +The old lady was extremely violent in temper, and after irritating it to +the highest pitch, or, as he termed it, "putting on the steam," he +provoked her still more by his polite sarcasms and tantalizing replies. +The object of contest between them was generally the last word in the +argument; and when victory appeared to incline neither to one side nor +the other, my grandmother would exclaim angrily: "Hold your tongue this +moment, you impertinent boy! Not another word." + +"Yes'm," Fred would reply, with every appearance of submission. + +Having triumphed up stairs, he generally went in search of Venus, whose +anger was almost as vehement as that of her mistress. Her time, when not +attending to Mrs. Chesbury, was chiefly occupied by the duties of the +toilet; and Jane asserted that she had anxiously inquired if there were +no respectable colored gentlemen about the place? Venus always bestowed +a great deal of pains on the arrangement of her head covering, which was +profusely decorated with combs of various shapes and sizes; but "thereby +hangs a tale" which must be told. + +Good beef is very scarce at the South, and Southerners therefore +consider it a great treat when they come North. My grandmother was very +fond of it frizzled; and Venus being quite _au fait_ in the manufacture +of this dish, the old lady never allowed any one else to make it for +her. One afternoon, during my parents' absence, the children being +disposed of in various ways--some had gone out for a walk, two were +playing together in a closet where they had been locked up, and others +were rambling about the grounds--the house was pretty clear; so my +grandmother resolved to enjoy a treat in her own apartment. A small +table was nicely laid out with all the requisites for a comfortable tea, +and Venus then departed to the kitchen to dish up some frizzled beef. + +But it so happened that the odor of the savory dish, in its passage up +stairs, found its way to the nostrils of Master Fred, who had been +quietly engaged in some wonderfully wise researches in the library; and +as even philosophers are not exempt from the earth-born love of good +things, out rushed our student with a polite request that Venus would +"allow him to taste the trash, and see if it was fit to be sent to Mrs. +Chesbury." A scuffle ensued, in which Fred succeeded in satisfying his +curiosity; and with considerably ruffled plumage, and not in the +sweetest state of mind, Venus proceeded up stairs. Fred slyly followed; +and peeping through the key-hole of a door that opened into my +grandmother's room, he determined to watch the progress of the feast. +Things looked very tempting, and he had half a mind to petition for a +seat at the table; but he began to think that, even should he succeed in +his request, a _seat_ would be all he could gain; for the old lady +attacked the eatables very much in the style of a school-boy just come +home for the holidays. The frizzled beef rapidly disappeared, till the +bottom of the dish was scarcely covered; but suddenly ceasing her +attacks upon it, my grandmother took the dish in her hand, and pointing +to some black substance, interrogated the colored girl in accents of +mingled doubt and horror. + +"Why Venus, come here! What--what--what _is_ this?" + +"Why, la, Missus!" exclaimed Venus, while every feature brightened with +joyful surprise, "If there ain't my little comb, what I lost in the +scuffle with Master Fred! Who would have thought to find it here!" + +"Who, indeed!" ejaculated the old lady, in a voice scarcely audible. + +My grandmother did not leave her room that evening, and we were told +that she was ill; while it is scarcely necessary to add that Fred never +again interfered with any of Venus' cookeries. When repeating the story, +he always dwelt upon the ridiculous tableau presented by the horrified +looks of the old lady, as she pointed to the suspicious-looking +article--and the delight and surprise of Venus at recovering her lost +property in such an unexpected manner. He possessed a great talent for +drawing; and before long, a caricature appeared, which was a most +life-like representation of the whole scene. My mother shook her head, +and my father delivered a short, but expressive lecture upon the +improper nature of mimicry; but in the midst of an edifying discourse +Fred suddenly displayed the drawing in full view--at which all the +children burst into peals of laughter, and my father abruptly closed his +sermon, and frowning sternly, walked into the library; but we could +perceive a nervous twitching about the corners of his mouth, which +looked very much at variance with the frown upon his brow. + +My mother too, fixed her eyes steadfastly upon her sewing, and refused +to look up; which Fred saucily told her was only because she knew she +would laugh if she did. We were then told that we had been naughty +children, and sent out of the room; but somehow, we did not feel as +though we had been _very_ bad, or that our parents were very angry with +us, and skipping along through the garden-walks, we next sent Jane +almost into convulsions of laughter by a display of the picture. Mamma, +however, burned it before long; she said that it was highly improper to +ridicule our grandmother, even if she _had_ faults, and that we must +bear with her kindly, and not forget how few pleasures she enjoyed. Dear +mamma! she was too kind--too good; and often met with the fate of +such--imposition. + +I once heard of a lady who went to a house to make a call, and stayed +eleven years; this was somewhat similar to my grandmother's case--she +came to pass the summer with us, and spent her life-time. Whenever she +spoke of going back to the South, my father urged her to stay, and gave +convincing reasons why she should prolong her visit; and my mother, too, +kindly reflecting that the old lady had no near relatives and seemed to +enjoy herself with us, added her entreaties. At last they told her that +there was no reason why she should not stay altogether; and she appeared +to think so too, for she stayed. As we grew more accustomed to her we +liked her better than at first; she told us long stories about the +South, and related anecdotes of the greatness, and wealth, and +distinguished position of her own family, which she considered superior +to any in the United States. Venus too came into more favor; and after a +while we almost forgot the beef story. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + +Time passed on; I had almost reached my fifteenth birthday, and began +to consider myself no longer a child. I was very tall for my age, and +quite showy-looking; and gentlemen who visited at the house now treated +me with all the attention due a young lady; which flattered my vanity +very much, and made me think them very agreeable. I remember my father's +once sending me from the room, on account of some gentleman's nonsense +which he considered me too young to listen to; but I felt very much hurt +at such treatment, and almost regarded myself as some heroine of romance +imprisoned by cruel parents. Novels were a great injury to me, as indeed +they are to every one. Their style was much more extravagant and +unnatural than at the present day; and even at this early age, I had +read the "Children of the Abbey," the "Mysteries of Udolpho," the +"Scottish Chiefs," "Thaddeus of Warsaw," and many others of the same +stamp. + +But how did I obtain these, you ask? My mother, with her sense and +discernment, would not have placed such books in my hands; and you are +right. My grandmother was an inveterate novel-reader, but very careful +that her books fell into no other hands; so that the only means of +satisfying my taste for romantic reading was by stealth. Although novels +were proscribed, no other books were placed in my hands; there were then +scarcely any children's books published, and consumed as I was by an +inordinate passion for reading, was determined to indulge it without +being very particular about the means. How often have I watched my +opportunity when my grandmother had left her apartment for an afternoon +visit or drive, and then drawn forth the cherished volume from beneath +the pillow and even from between the bed and sacking bottom! so +carefully were they concealed from view. Sometimes, indeed, she locked +the door of her room, and took the key with her; and then all ingress +was impossible. + +What wild, foolish dreams I indulged in!--What romantic-visions of the +future that were never realized! How well I remember my sensations on +reading the "Scottish Chiefs." Wallace appeared to me almost in the +light of a god--so noble, so touching were all his acts and words, that +I even envied Helen Mar the privilege of calling herself his wife, and +then dying to lay her head in the same grave with him. I resolved to +give up all the common-place of life, and cling unto the spiritual--to +purify myself from every earth-born wish and habit, and live but in the +hope of meeting with a second Wallace. I persevered in this resolution +for a whole week; and then meeting with some equally delightful hero of +an opposite nature, I changed from grave to gay. My mood during these +periods of fascination was as variable as the different heroines I +admired. Now I would imitate the pensiveness of Amanda, and go about +with streaming tresses, and a softly modulated tone of voice--then I +would read of some sprightly heroine who changed all by her vivacity +and piquant sayings, and immediately commence springing down three +stairs at a time, teazing all the children, and making some reply to +everything that was said, which sometimes passed for wit but oftener for +impudence--and then again some noble, self-sacrificing character would +excite my admiration, and oh! how I longed for some opportunity to +signalize myself! A bullet aimed at some loved one, whom I could protect +by rushing forward and receiving it myself; but I was not to be killed, +only sufficiently wounded to make me appear interesting--disabled in the +arm, perhaps, without much suffering, for bodily pain never formed a +prominent feature in my ideas of the romantic and striking--I was too +great a coward; or else a plunge into the waves to rescue some drowning +person from perishing, when I wished just to come near enough to death +to elevate me into a heroine for after life. + +I looked in the glass, and seeing large, dark eyes, a healthful bloom, +and rather pretty features, I concluded that I need not belong to the +plain and amiable order, and began to wish most enthusiastically for +some romantic admirer; some one who would expose himself to the danger +of a sore throat and influenza for the sake of serenading me--who would +be rather glad than otherwise to risk his life by jumping down a +precipice to bring me some descried wild flower, and who, when away from +me, would pass his time in writing extravagant poetry, of which I was to +be the bright divinity. Old as I am, I feel almost ashamed to repeat +this nonsense now; and had I then possessed more sense myself, or made +by mother the confidant of these flights of fancy, I need not now relate +my own silly experience to warn you from the effects of novel-reading. + +Charles Tracy did not at all realize my romantic ideas of a hero; and +one bright day the dissatisfaction which had been gradually gathering in +my mind expressed itself in words. I had gone down to a lake at the +bottom of the garden to indulge in high-flown meditations; and Charles +Tracy stood beside one of the boats which were always kept there. + +"Come, Amy," said he, as I drew near, "it is a beautiful day--let us +have a row across the lake." + +"No," said I, twining my arm around one of the young trees near, "I +prefer remaining here." + +"You had better come with me," rejoined Charles, "instead of keeping +company there with the snapping-turtles. Well," he added after a short +pause, "if you will not come with me, why I must go alone." + +"Go, then!" said I, bitterly, "you love your own pleasure a great deal +better than you do me!" + +"Why Amy!" he exclaimed, coming close to me as though doubtful of my +sanity, "how very strangely you talk! You know that I love you very +much," he continued, "for haven't we been together and quarrelled with +each other ever since I can remember? And do I not now bear the marks of +the time when you threw the cat in my face to end our childish dispute? +And the scar where you stuck the pen-knife in my arm? And don't you +remember how you used to pull my hair out by handfuls? How can I help +loving you when I call to mind all these tender recollections?" + +This reply provoked me very much; and I answered energetically: "You do +_not_ love me!--you do not know how to love I When did you ever make any +sacrifices for me?" I continued in an excited manner, "When did I ever +hear you singing beneath my window in a tone meant for no ear but mine? +When did you ever rush with me out of a burning house, or encounter any +danger for my sake? When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at +midnight when all others were asleep?" + +During the progress of this singular speech, Charles Tracy's countenance +had gradually changed from the surprised to the amused; and when I had +concluded he laughed--yes, he actually laughed! What a damper of +sentiment! + +"Laugh on," said I, in a dignified manner, as I turned my steps +homeward, "that has now put an end to all." + +He was but a boy--I, a _woman_, for should I not be fifteen to-morrow? +and I walked away from him in contempt; while he quietly jumped into the +boat and rowed across the lake, whistling a tune. But I had not +proceeded far before a loud "ha! ha!" from my brother Fred sounded close +at my side; he had been an unobserved listener to the whole +conversation, now enjoyed the pleasure of teasing me all the way home. + +"That's right, Amy!" said he, "Keep up your dignity, child. What a rich +scene! _'When did you ever watch for a glimpse of my taper at midnight +when all others were asleep?'_ Rather a hopeless watch, I'm thinking, as +you sleep in the middle room between mother's and the nursery; and +between you and I, Amy, you know that you don't burn a taper, but a +brass lamp; but that, of course, isn't quite so poetical to tell of. +Such an air, too!--what a rare tragic actress you'd make! Do say it +over, won't you? I have almost forgotten the beginning." + +I gave Fred a boxed ear, which must have stung for sometime afterwards; +and running hastily into the house, locked myself up in my own room till +tea-time. The next day was my birthday; and while my table was strewn +with acceptable gifts from all the others, I perceived among them a +very antiquated-looking cap and pair of spectacles, to the latter of +which was attached a slip of paper, on which was written: "To improve +the impaired sight of my dear sister Amy, produced by her declining +years; also a cap to conceal the gray hairs of age, and 'Young's Night +Thoughts' for the edification of her mind." + +I was almost ready to cry from mortification; but I remembered that I +was now fifteen, and took the articles down stairs for the purpose of +exposing Master Fred, but what did I get for my pains? In justification +he told the story of yesterday, in his own peculiarly humorous way; and +when I saw myself thus reflected, the ridiculous tendency of my words +and manner struck me forcibly, and I was almost ready to laugh. But the +others did that abundantly for me, while wondering where I had picked up +such notions; and Grandmother Chesbury, I verily believe, suspected that +I had been at her novels, for after that I never could find one. + +But although I was thus debarred from receiving any new impressions, the +old ones still continued in full force; and at last came the long +desired opportunity to signalize myself. I was then almost sixteen, and +the treaty of peace with England had just been celebrated. I remember +well the illuminations and festivities on the first night of the +proclamation, which we spent in the city at a friend's house; the +balconies were wreathed with flowers, lights blazed from every window, +crowds of beautifully-dressed women filled the rooms, and the sounds of +music and dancing were heard in every street. It was my first evening in +company--my first experience of admiration; and completely carried away +by the music, the lights, and the occasion, the old desire for some +signalizing deed came thronging back in full force, till I grew almost +bewildered. No opportunity offered that night; I could only join in the +festivities, and listen to the feats and praises of others; but towards +the latter part of the evening my eye was attracted by the brilliant +uniform and handsome appearance of a young officer who passed through +the rooms, and lingered a moment in a distant corner among a knot of +friends who crowded eagerly about him. His commanding figure, beautiful +features, and intellectual, yet sweet, expression, completely realized +all my ideas of a novel-hero; I saw my father speaking to him, and +immediately made signs to introduce him, but before I could catch his +eye, the officer had disappeared. Papa told me that Major Arlington's +father had been an old friend of his, and he would have introduced him +to me, but business called him in another direction, and he could not +stay a moment longer, but promised us a visit at an early day. + +You need not smile, Miss Ella, and look so knowing at the mention of the +name; how do you know that there were not two Arlingtons in the world? +How do you know but that it was his brother I married? How do you +know--but never mind, I will go on with my story. It was several days +after that eventful evening, which still left a vivid impression upon my +mind; the desire to perform some wonderful deed remained in full force, +mingled with visions of the young officer, and I wandered about, without +paying much attention to my ordinary duties. Papa and mamma were both +from home, and Grandmother Chesbury had locked herself up with a new +novel; while I was roaming about the grounds not far from the front +entrance. + +A sound of wheels suddenly struck upon my ear; I supposed it was some +visitor and paid not much attention to it; but before long there was a +confused noise of voices--a sound of plunging and rearing--and a +distinct crashing of some heavy vehicle. My evil genius led me to the +spot; I beheld a handsome carriage, which the horses seemed striving to +dash in pieces--caught a glimpse of a glittering uniform inside--and +following a wild impulse, sprang forward and endeavored to seize the +bridle. I heard some one say, "Take care of the young lady!" and then +the officer jumped from the carriage, while I was thrown down close to +the horses' feet. A confused hum sounded in my ears--and then followed a +long blank. + + * * * * * + +When I awoke to consciousness I found myself lying on a sofa in a small +sitting-room; but no one was bending tenderly over me--not even a +mother's face met my eyes--but the gossip of two women servants grated +painfully on my ear. + +"What under the sun possessed Miss Amy to go and cut up such a caper as +that!" said one of them, "All the mischief she's done this day won't be +done away with for weeks to come." + +"No, indeed!" rejoined the other, "that young officer is a fixture here +for six weeks at least. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor are broken legs +healed in ten minutes--and such a beauty as he is, too! It's shameful to +think of!" + +"If she'd only let him alone, he'd done well enough--but she must go and +jump right under the horses' feet, so that, of course, he had to spring +out to prevent her being killed, and that broke his leg, while she +wasn't hurt a bit. Speaking of beauties, if Miss Amy could only have +seen herself then!--spotted with mud from head to foot, and her hair +flying in all directions!" + +On hearing that I was not hurt, I sprang from the sofa and rushed to the +glass, where I encountered the reflection of a most pitiable-looking +figure. Even my face was daubed with mud and dirt, and I looked like a +veritable fright. Shame, mortification, and sorrow for my heedless +conduct almost overwhelmed me. In the selfish desire to signalize +myself, I had hazarded the life of a fellow-being, and brought upon him +weeks of suffering which no act of mine could now alleviate. The tears +rolled down my cheeks; but having ascertained that my parents had not +yet returned, I cut short the gossip of the servants, and ordering them +to bring me some water, I arranged my disordered dress for a visit to +the sufferer's apartment. + +Doctor Irwin had been instantly sent for; and when I entered the room, +he was seated by his patient's bedside, while Major Arlington lay with +closed eyes and pallid features in a kind of sleep or stupor. + +"Miss Amy," whispered the doctor, "this is a sad business--and your +parents from home, too. What will be their feelings on their return?" + +I glanced at the motionless figure of the young officer, and too much +ashamed to reply, hung my head in silence. + +"Are you sure that you were not at all hurt, my dear child?" he +continued in a kind tone; "What a very wild proceeding it was to throw +yourself into the melee! If two men could not manage the horses, could +you suppose that your strength would be sufficient. You should have +reasoned with yourself before taking such a step, for you see the +unfortunate effects of it." + +_Reason!_ there was not the least particle of reason in my whole +composition; this was a wild, impulsive act, performed without the least +thought for the probable consequences, and I now stood gazing on the +wreck I had made, in silent bewilderment. My parents soon returned; and +hurrying to the apartment with countenances of astonishment and fear, +there realized a confirmation of the dreadful accounts they had been +assailed with. "And who was the author of all this mischief? _Amy_." My +eyes drooped under the stern, reproving glances I encountered, and I +crept about the house like a guilty thing--fervently wishing for the +bodily suffering I had brought upon the victim of my wild attempt, +instead of the pain of mind with which I was tormented. + +Days passed on, but the lapse of time was unheeded by me; my post was by +the bedside of the sufferer--my employment to anticipate his slightest +wish, and yield to every humor. As he grew better I read to him, sung to +him, talked to him; and in return received the grateful glances of those +expressive eyes, which followed me about whenever I moved from his side. +At length he could sit up in his apartment, and then walk slowly through +the grounds, with the assistance of a heavy cane on one side and my arm +on the other; till at last he was pronounced to be as well as other +people; or, as Dr. Irwin expressed it, "as good as new." Your eyes are +brightening up, Ella, in anticipation of a most sentimental love-tale; +but I shall not gratify your desire of laughing at your grandmother's +folly; but shall only say, that before he left, I had promised, with the +consent of my parents, to become Mrs. Arlington. I was married at +eighteen, and, strange to say, to one who appeared a realization of all +my girlish fancies; he was noble-minded, warm-hearted, and almost as +enthusiastic as myself--with a sweetness of temper which I have never +seen raffled, except by some act of injustice or cruelty. + +But do not flatter yourself, Ella, that life glided on with me like the +pages of a romance; I was obliged to lay aside a great many silly +theories which I had indulged in, and come to plain reality much oftener +than suited my inclination. A _perfect_ person is not to be found upon +earth; when disposed to murmur at not meeting with the sacrifices you +expect, ask yourself if you would be willing to make these sacrifices +for another--and then be not surprised that others are not more free +from the dross of self-consideration than you are. Also, do not suppose +that it was my hair-brained performance at our first meeting which +attracted my husband's affections; no, often has the color mounted to my +face at his reference to that scene, and his own impressions then. + +"You reminded me, Amy," he would say, laughing, "of some reckless sprite +from the kingdom of misrule, who had flown into the scene, determined to +make all the trouble she could. It was very chivalrous of you, to be +sure, and I ought to be very grateful--but I must own that I felt +exceedingly provoked at being obliged to risk my life by springing out +to rescue you from the horses' hoofs. But never mind, _chere amie_" he +would add as he saw the hot tears starting to my eyes, while face, neck, +and brow, were suffused with the hue of mortification, "there was an +after-page in the sick-room, when I beheld, with surprise, my crazy +heroine transformed into the demure, and gentle nurse, and learned to +distinguish a soft-toned voice, which always lingered in my ears like +pleasant music; so that after all, I am really indebted to you, Amy, for +making me break my leg--for, if you had not done so, I am afraid I never +should have discovered my jewel of a wife." + +So much for my romance; but the scene generally ended with the kiss of +reconciliation, and I, too, learned to smile at my act of girlish folly. + +"My tale is told; my parents have long slept beside each other, where the +long grass waves over them--my elder brothers are still living--my +brother Henry is a beloved and venerated clergyman in one of our large +cities--while the wild, hair-brained Fred became a talented lawyer in +the same place where he is universally respected. The rest of my +brothers are all dead; and we three only survive out of a family of +nine. Perhaps at some future time I may give you an account of my +residence in England; but I must now conclude my adventures for the +present." + +Here ended my grandmother's history, which had afforded us many evenings +of amusement. We were both surprised and pleased at her frankness in +speaking of her faults and mischievous acts; and could indeed hardly +comprehend that the very sensible, dignified lady before us had ever +been such an odd, harum-scarum sort of character--yet so it was, and she +had kindly related her own experience for our improvement. The last +chapter was intended more especially for my own particular edification; +but we all laughed heartily at my grandmother's ideas of signalizing +herself. That room is to us a charmed spot; and we look forward most +anxiously to the time when she is to begin an account of her life in +England. + + +THE END + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Grandmother's Recollections, by Ella Rodman + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GRANDMOTHER'S RECOLLECTIONS *** + +***** This file should be named 11427.txt or 11427.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/1/4/2/11427/ + +Produced by Internet Archive; University of Florida, Children, Amy +Petri and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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