diff options
| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:16:33 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:16:33 -0700 |
| commit | 6eacb931b63dd131c20df0da6651166d3165c7d4 (patch) | |
| tree | 6d3cc26a21c91f548898f14731a92eee2c69da86 /1138-h | |
Diffstat (limited to '1138-h')
| -rw-r--r-- | 1138-h/1138-h.htm | 14814 |
1 files changed, 14814 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/1138-h/1138-h.htm b/1138-h/1138-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c829d2b --- /dev/null +++ b/1138-h/1138-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,14814 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + The Research Magnificent, by H. G. Wells + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 1138 ***</div> + + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE RESEARCH MAGNIFICENT + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + by H. G. Wells + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + 1915 + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + Contents + </h2> + <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto"> + <tr> + <td> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> <b>THE RESEARCH MAGNIFICENT</b> </a> + </p> + <br /> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> <b>THE PRELUDE</b> </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> ON FEAR AND ARISTOCRACY </a> + </p> + <br /> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> <b>THE STORY</b> </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0001"> CHAPTER THE FIRST ~~ THE BOY GROWS UP </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0002"> CHAPTER THE SECOND ~~ THE YOUNG MAN ABOUT + TOWN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0003"> CHAPTER THE THIRD ~~ AMANDA </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0004"> CHAPTER THE FOURTH ~~ THE SPIRITED + HONEYMOON </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0005"> CHAPTER THE FIFTH ~~ THE ASSIZE OF JEALOUSY + </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0006"> CHAPTER THE SIXTH ~~ THE NEW HAROUN AL + RASCHID </a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h1> + THE RESEARCH MAGNIFICENT + </h1> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE PRELUDE + </h2> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + ON FEAR AND ARISTOCRACY + </h2> + <p> + 1 + </p> + <p> + The story of William Porphyry Benham is the story of a man who was led + into adventure by an idea. It was an idea that took possession of his + imagination quite early in life, it grew with him and changed with him, it + interwove at last completely with his being. His story is its story. It + was traceably germinating in the schoolboy; it was manifestly present in + his mind at the very last moment of his adventurous life. He belonged to + that fortunate minority who are independent of daily necessities, so that + he was free to go about the world under its direction. It led him far. It + led him into situations that bordered upon the fantastic, it made him + ridiculous, it came near to making him sublime. And this idea of his was + of such a nature that in several aspects he could document it. Its logic + forced him to introspection and to the making of a record. + </p> + <p> + An idea that can play so large a part in a life must necessarily have + something of the complication and protean quality of life itself. It is + not to be stated justly in any formula, it is not to be rendered by an + epigram. As well one might show a man's skeleton for his portrait. Yet, + essentially, Benham's idea was simple. He had an incurable, an almost + innate persuasion that he had to live life nobly and thoroughly. His + commoner expression for that thorough living is “the aristocratic life.” + But by “aristocratic” he meant something very different from the quality + of a Russian prince, let us say, or an English peer. He meant an + intensity, a clearness.... Nobility for him was to get something out of + his individual existence, a flame, a jewel, a splendour—it is a + thing easier to understand than to say. + </p> + <p> + One might hesitate to call this idea “innate,” and yet it comes soon into + a life when it comes at all. In Benham's case we might trace it back to + the Day Nursery at Seagate, we might detect it stirring already at the + petticoat stage, in various private struttings and valiant dreamings with + a helmet of pasteboard and a white-metal sword. We have most of us been at + least as far as that with Benham. And we have died like Horatius, slaying + our thousands for our country, or we have perished at the stake or faced + the levelled muskets of the firing party—“No, do not bandage my + eyes”—because we would not betray the secret path that meant + destruction to our city. But with Benham the vein was stronger, and it + increased instead of fading out as he grew to manhood. It was less + obscured by those earthy acquiescences, those discretions, that saving + sense of proportion, which have made most of us so satisfactorily what we + are. “Porphyry,” his mother had discovered before he was seventeen, “is an + excellent boy, a brilliant boy, but, I begin to see, just a little + unbalanced.” + </p> + <p> + The interest of him, the absurdity of him, the story of him, is that. + </p> + <p> + Most of us are—balanced; in spite of occasional reveries we do come + to terms with the limitations of life, with those desires and dreams and + discretions that, to say the least of it, qualify our nobility, we take + refuge in our sense of humour and congratulate ourselves on a certain + amiable freedom from priggishness or presumption, but for Benham that easy + declension to a humorous acceptance of life as it is did not occur. He + found his limitations soon enough; he was perpetually rediscovering them, + but out of these interments of the spirit he rose again—remarkably. + When we others have decided that, to be plain about it, we are not going + to lead the noble life at all, that the thing is too ambitious and + expensive even to attempt, we have done so because there were other + conceptions of existence that were good enough for us, we decided that + instead of that glorious impossible being of ourselves, we would figure in + our own eyes as jolly fellows, or sly dogs, or sane, sound, capable men or + brilliant successes, and so forth—practicable things. For Benham, + exceptionally, there were not these practicable things. He blundered, he + fell short of himself, he had—as you will be told—some + astonishing rebuffs, but they never turned him aside for long. He went by + nature for this preposterous idea of nobility as a linnet hatched in a + cage will try to fly. + </p> + <p> + And when he discovered—and in this he was assisted not a little by + his friend at his elbow—when he discovered that Nobility was not the + simple thing he had at first supposed it to be, he set himself in a mood + only slightly disconcerted to the discovery of Nobility. When it dawned + upon him, as it did, that one cannot be noble, so to speak, IN VACUO, he + set himself to discover a Noble Society. He began with simple beliefs and + fine attitudes and ended in a conscious research. If he could not get + through by a stride, then it followed that he must get through by a climb. + He spent the greater part of his life studying and experimenting in the + noble possibilities of man. He never lost his absurd faith in that + conceivable splendour. At first it was always just round the corner or + just through the wood; to the last it seemed still but a little way beyond + the distant mountains. + </p> + <p> + For this reason this story has been called THE RESEARCH MAGNIFICENT. It + was a real research, it was documented. In the rooms in Westhaven Street + that at last were as much as one could call his home, he had accumulated + material for—one hesitates to call it a book—let us say it was + an analysis of, a guide to the noble life. There after his tragic death + came his old friend White, the journalist and novelist, under a promise, + and found these papers; he found them to the extent of a crammed bureau, + half a score of patent files quite distended and a writing-table + drawer-full, and he was greatly exercised to find them. They were, White + declares, they are still after much experienced handling, an indigestible + aggregation. On this point White is very assured. When Benham thought he + was gathering together a book he was dreaming, White says. There is no + book in it.... + </p> + <p> + Perhaps too, one might hazard, Benham was dreaming when he thought the + noble life a human possibility. Perhaps man, like the ape and the hyaena + and the tapeworm and many other of God's necessary but less attractive + creatures, is not for such exalted ends. That doubt never seems to have + got a lodgment in Benham's skull; though at times one might suppose it the + basis of White's thought. You will find in all Benham's story, if only it + can be properly told, now subdued, now loud and amazed and distressed, but + always traceable, this startled, protesting question, “BUT WHY THE DEVIL + AREN'T WE?” As though necessarily we ought to be. He never faltered in his + persuasion that behind the dingy face of this world, the earthy + stubbornness, the baseness and dulness of himself and all of us, lurked + the living jewels of heaven, the light of glory, things unspeakable. At + first it seemed to him that one had only just to hammer and will, and at + the end, after a life of willing and hammering, he was still convinced + there was something, something in the nature of an Open Sesame, perhaps a + little more intricate than one had supposed at first, a little more + difficult to secure, but still in that nature, which would suddenly roll + open for mankind the magic cave of the universe, that precious cave at the + heart of all things, in which one must believe. + </p> + <p> + And then life—life would be the wonder it so perplexingly just + isn't.... + </p> + <p> + 2 + </p> + <p> + Benham did not go about the world telling people of this consuming + research. He was not the prophet or preacher of his idea. It was too + living and intricate and uncertain a part of him to speak freely about. It + was his secret self; to expose it casually would have shamed him. He drew + all sorts of reserves about him, he wore his manifest imperfections turned + up about him like an overcoat in bitter wind. He was content to be + inexplicable. His thoughts led him to the conviction that this magnificent + research could not be, any more than any other research can be, a solitary + enterprise, but he delayed expression; in a mighty writing and stowing + away of these papers he found a relief from the unpleasant urgency to + confess and explain himself prematurely. So that White, though he knew + Benham with the intimacy of an old schoolfellow who had renewed his + friendship, and had shared his last days and been a witness of his death, + read the sheets of manuscript often with surprise and with a sense of + added elucidation. + </p> + <p> + And, being also a trained maker of books, White as he read was more and + more distressed that an accumulation so interesting should be so entirely + unshaped for publication. “But this will never make a book,” said White + with a note of personal grievance. His hasty promise in their last moments + together had bound him, it seemed, to a task he now found impossible. He + would have to work upon it tremendously; and even then he did not see how + it could be done. + </p> + <p> + This collection of papers was not a story, not an essay, not a confession, + not a diary. It was—nothing definable. It went into no conceivable + covers. It was just, White decided, a proliferation. A vast proliferation. + It wanted even a title. There were signs that Benham had intended to call + it THE ARISTOCRATIC LIFE, and that he had tried at some other time the + title of AN ESSAY ON ARISTOCRACY. Moreover, it would seem that towards the + end he had been disposed to drop the word “aristocratic” altogether, and + adopt some such phrase as THE LARGER LIFE. Once it was LIFE SET FREE. He + had fallen away more and more from nearly everything that one associates + with aristocracy—at the end only its ideals of fearlessness and + generosity remained. + </p> + <p> + Of all these titles THE ARISTOCRATIC LIFE seemed at first most like a clue + to White. Benham's erratic movements, his sudden impulses, his angers, his + unaccountable patiences, his journeys to strange places, and his lapses + into what had seemed to be pure adventurousness, could all be put into + system with that. Before White had turned over three pages of the great + fascicle of manuscript that was called Book Two, he had found the word + “Bushido” written with a particularly flourishing capital letter and twice + repeated. “That was inevitable,” said White with the comforting regret one + feels for a friend's banalities. “And it dates... [unreadable] this was + early....” + </p> + <p> + “Modern aristocracy, the new aristocracy,” he read presently, “has still + to be discovered and understood. This is the necessary next step for + mankind. As far as possible I will discover and understand it, and as far + as I know it I will be it. This is the essential disposition of my mind. + God knows I have appetites and sloths and habits and blindnesses, but so + far as it is in my power to release myself I will escape to this....” + </p> + <p> + 3 + </p> + <p> + White sat far into the night and for several nights turning over papers + and rummaging in untidy drawers. Memories came back to him of his dead + friend and pieced themselves together with other memories and joined on to + scraps in this writing. Bold yet convincing guesses began to leap across + the gaps. A story shaped itself.... + </p> + <p> + The story began with the schoolfellow he had known at Minchinghampton + School. + </p> + <p> + Benham had come up from his father's preparatory school at Seagate. He had + been a boy reserved rather than florid in his acts and manners, a boy with + a pale face, incorrigible hair and brown eyes that went dark and deep with + excitement. Several times White had seen him excited, and when he was + excited Benham was capable of tensely daring things. On one occasion he + had insisted upon walking across a field in which was an aggressive bull. + It had been put there to prevent the boys taking a short cut to the + swimming place. It had bellowed tremendously and finally charged him. He + had dodged it and got away; at the time it had seemed an immense feat to + White and the others who were safely up the field. He had walked to the + fence, risking a second charge by his deliberation. Then he had sat on the + fence and declared his intention of always crossing the field so long as + the bull remained there. He had said this with white intensity, he had + stopped abruptly in mid-sentence, and then suddenly he had dropped to the + ground, clutched the fence, struggled with heaving shoulders, and been + sick. + </p> + <p> + The combination of apparently stout heart and manifestly weak stomach had + exercised the Minchinghampton intelligence profoundly. + </p> + <p> + On one or two other occasions Benham had shown courage of the same rather + screwed-up sort. He showed it not only in physical but in mental things. A + boy named Prothero set a fashion of religious discussion in the school, + and Benham, after some self-examination, professed an atheistical + republicanism rather in the manner of Shelley. This brought him into open + conflict with Roddles, the History Master. Roddles had discovered these + theological controversies in some mysterious way, and he took upon himself + to talk at Benham and Prothero. He treated them to the common + misapplication of that fool who “hath said in his heart there is no God.” + He did not perceive there was any difference between the fool who says a + thing in his heart and one who says it in the dormitory. He revived that + delectable anecdote of the Eton boy who professed disbelief and was at + once “soundly flogged” by his head master. “Years afterwards that boy came + back to thank ——” + </p> + <p> + “Gurr,” said Prothero softly. “STEW—ard!” + </p> + <p> + “Your turn next, Benham,” whispered an orthodox controversialist. + </p> + <p> + “Good Lord! I'd like to see him,” said Benham with a forced loudness that + could scarcely be ignored. + </p> + <p> + The subsequent controversy led to an interview with the head. From it + Benham emerged more whitely strung up than ever. “He said he would + certainly swish me if I deserved it, and I said I would certainly kill him + if he did.” + </p> + <p> + “And then?” + </p> + <p> + “He told me to go away and think it over. Said he would preach about it + next Sunday.... Well, a swishing isn't a likely thing anyhow. But I + would.... There isn't a master here I'd stand a thrashing from—not + one.... And because I choose to say what I think!... I'd run amuck.” + </p> + <p> + For a week or so the school was exhilarated by a vain and ill-concealed + hope that the head might try it just to see if Benham would. It was + tantalizingly within the bounds of possibility.... + </p> + <p> + These incidents came back to White's mind as he turned over the newspapers + in the upper drawer of the bureau. The drawer was labelled “Fear—the + First Limitation,” and the material in it was evidently designed for the + opening volume of the great unfinished book. Indeed, a portion of it was + already arranged and written up. + </p> + <p> + As White read through this manuscript he was reminded of a score of + schoolboy discussions Benham and he and Prothero had had together. Here + was the same old toughness of mind, a kind of intellectual hardihood, that + had sometimes shocked his schoolfellows. Benham had been one of those boys + who do not originate ideas very freely, but who go out to them with a + fierce sincerity. He believed and disbelieved with emphasis. Prothero had + first set him doubting, but it was Benham's own temperament took him on to + denial. His youthful atheism had been a matter for secret consternation in + White. White did not believe very much in God even then, but this positive + disbelieving frightened him. It was going too far. There had been a + terrible moment in the dormitory, during a thunderstorm, a thunderstorm so + vehement that it had awakened them all, when Latham, the humourist and a + quietly devout boy, had suddenly challenged Benham to deny his Maker. + </p> + <p> + “NOW say you don't believe in God?” + </p> + <p> + Benham sat up in bed and repeated his negative faith, while little + Hopkins, the Bishop's son, being less certain about the accuracy of + Providence than His aim, edged as far as he could away from Benham's + cubicle and rolled his head in his bedclothes. + </p> + <p> + “And anyhow,” said Benham, when it was clear that he was not to be struck + dead forthwith, “you show a poor idea of your God to think he'd kill a + schoolboy for honest doubt. Even old Roddles—” + </p> + <p> + “I can't listen to you,” cried Latham the humourist, “I can't listen to + you. It's—HORRIBLE.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, who began it?” asked Benham. + </p> + <p> + A flash of lightning lit the dormitory and showed him to White white-faced + and ablaze with excitement, sitting up with the bed-clothes about him. “Oh + WOW!” wailed the muffled voice of little Hopkins as the thunder burst like + a giant pistol overhead, and he buried his head still deeper in the + bedclothes and gave way to unappeasable grief. + </p> + <p> + Latham's voice came out of the darkness. “This ATHEISM that you and Billy + Prothero have brought into the school—” + </p> + <p> + He started violently at another vivid flash, and every one remained + silent, waiting for the thunder.... + </p> + <p> + But White remembered no more of the controversy because he had made a + frightful discovery that filled and blocked his mind. Every time the + lightning flashed, there was a red light in Benham's eyes.... + </p> + <p> + It was only three days after when Prothero discovered exactly the same + phenomenon in the School House boothole and talked of cats and cattle, + that White's confidence in their friend was partially restored.... + </p> + <p> + 4 + </p> + <p> + “Fear, the First Limitation”—his title indicated the spirit of + Benham's opening book very clearly. His struggle with fear was the very + beginning of his soul's history. It continued to the end. He had hardly + decided to lead the noble life before he came bump against the fact that + he was a physical coward. He felt fear acutely. “Fear,” he wrote, “is the + foremost and most persistent of the shepherding powers that keep us in the + safe fold, that drive us back to the beaten track and comfort and—futility. + The beginning of all aristocracy is the subjugation of fear.” + </p> + <p> + At first the struggle was so great that he hated fear without any + qualification; he wanted to abolish it altogether. + </p> + <p> + “When I was a boy,” he writes, “I thought I would conquer fear for good + and all, and never more be troubled by it. But it is not to be done in + that way. One might as well dream of having dinner for the rest of one's + life. Each time and always I have found that it has to be conquered + afresh. To this day I fear, little things as well as big things. I have to + grapple with some little dread every day—urge myself.... Just as I + have to wash and shave myself every day.... I believe it is so with every + one, but it is difficult to be sure; few men who go into dangers care very + much to talk about fear....” + </p> + <p> + Later Benham found some excuses for fear, came even to dealings with fear. + He never, however, admits that this universal instinct is any better than + a kindly but unintelligent nurse from whose fostering restraints it is + man's duty to escape. Discretion, he declared, must remain; a sense of + proportion, an “adequacy of enterprise,” but the discretion of an + aristocrat is in his head, a tactical detail, it has nothing to do with + this visceral sinking, this ebb in the nerves. “From top to bottom, the + whole spectrum of fear is bad, from panic fear at one extremity down to + that mere disinclination for enterprise, that reluctance and indolence + which is its lowest phase. These are things of the beast, these are for + creatures that have a settled environment, a life history, that spin in a + cage of instincts. But man is a beast of that kind no longer, he has left + his habitat, he goes out to limitless living....” + </p> + <p> + This idea of man going out into new things, leaving securities, habits, + customs, leaving his normal life altogether behind him, underlay all + Benham's aristocratic conceptions. And it was natural that he should + consider fear as entirely inconvenient, treat it indeed with ingratitude, + and dwell upon the immense liberations that lie beyond for those who will + force themselves through its remonstrances.... + </p> + <p> + Benham confessed his liability to fear quite freely in these notes. His + fear of animals was ineradicable. He had had an overwhelming dread of + bears until he was twelve or thirteen, the child's irrational dread of + impossible bears, bears lurking under the bed and in the evening shadows. + He confesses that even up to manhood he could not cross a field containing + cattle without keeping a wary eye upon them—his bull adventure + rather increased than diminished that disposition—he hated a strange + dog at his heels and would manoeuvre himself as soon as possible out of + reach of the teeth or heels of a horse. But the peculiar dread of his + childhood was tigers. Some gaping nursemaid confronted him suddenly with a + tiger in a cage in the menagerie annexe of a circus. “My small mind was + overwhelmed.” + </p> + <p> + “I had never thought,” White read, “that a tiger was much larger than a + St. Bernard dog.... This great creature!... I could not believe any hunter + would attack such a monster except by stealth and with weapons of enormous + power.... + </p> + <p> + “He jerked himself to and fro across his cramped, rickety cage and looked + over my head with yellow eyes—at some phantom far away. Every now + and then he snarled. The contempt of his detestable indifference sank + deeper and deeper into my soul. I knew that were the cage to vanish I + should stand there motionless, his helpless prey. I knew that were he at + large in the same building with me I should be too terror-stricken to + escape him. At the foot of a ladder leading clear to escape I should have + awaited him paralyzed. At last I gripped my nurse's hand. 'Take me away,' + I whispered. + </p> + <p> + “In my dreams that night he stalked me. I made my frozen flight from him, + I slammed a door on him, and he thrust his paw through a panel as though + it had been paper and clawed for me. The paw got longer and longer.... + </p> + <p> + “I screamed so loudly that my father came up from his study. + </p> + <p> + “I remember that he took me in his arms. + </p> + <p> + “'It's only a big sort of pussy, Poff,' he said. 'FELIS TIGRIS. FELIS, you + know, means cat.' + </p> + <p> + “But I knew better. I was in no mood then for my father's insatiable + pedagoguery. + </p> + <p> + “'And my little son mustn't be a coward.'... + </p> + <p> + “After that I understood I must keep silence and bear my tigers alone. + </p> + <p> + “For years the thought of that tiger's immensity haunted my mind. In my + dreams I cowered before it a thousand times; in the dusk it rarely failed + me. On the landing on my way to bed there was a patch of darkness beyond a + chest that became a lurking horror for me, and sometimes the door of my + father's bedroom would stand open and there was a long buff and + crimson-striped shape, by day indeed an ottoman, but by night—. + Could an ottoman crouch and stir in the flicker of a passing candle? Could + an ottoman come after you noiselessly, and so close that you could not + even turn round upon it? No!” + </p> + <p> + 5 + </p> + <p> + When Benham was already seventeen and, as he supposed, hardened against + his fear of beasts, his friend Prothero gave him an account of the killing + of an old labouring man by a stallion which had escaped out of its stable. + The beast had careered across a field, leapt a hedge and come upon its + victim suddenly. He had run a few paces and stopped, trying to defend his + head with the horse rearing over him. It beat him down with two swift + blows of its fore hoofs, one, two, lifted him up in its long yellow teeth + and worried him as a terrier does a rat—the poor old wretch was + still able to make a bleating sound at that—dropped him, trampled + and kicked him as he tried to crawl away, and went on trampling and + battering him until he was no more than a bloody inhuman bundle of clothes + and mire. For more than half an hour this continued, and then its animal + rage was exhausted and it desisted, and went and grazed at a little + distance from this misshapen, hoof-marked, torn, and muddy remnant of a + man. No one it seems but a horror-stricken child knew what was + happening.... + </p> + <p> + This picture of human indignity tortured Benham's imagination much more + than it tortured the teller of the tale. It filled him with shame and + horror. For three or four years every detail of that circumstantial + narrative seemed unforgettable. A little lapse from perfect health and the + obsession returned. He could not endure the neighing of horses: when he + saw horses galloping in a field with him his heart stood still. And all + his life thereafter he hated horses. + </p> + <p> + 6 + </p> + <p> + A different sort of fear that also greatly afflicted Benham was due to a + certain clumsiness and insecurity he felt in giddy and unstable places. + There he was more definitely balanced between the hopelessly rash and the + pitifully discreet. + </p> + <p> + He had written an account of a private struggle between himself and a + certain path of planks and rock edges called the Bisse of Leysin. This + happened in his adolescence. He had had a bad attack of influenza and his + doctor had sent him to a little hotel—the only hotel it was in those + days—at Montana in Valais. There, later, when he had picked up his + strength, his father was to join him and take him mountaineering, that + second-rate mountaineering which is so dear to dons and schoolmasters. + When the time came he was ready for that, but he had had his experiences. + He had gone through a phase of real cowardice. He was afraid, he + confessed, before even he reached Montana; he was afraid of the steepness + of the mountains. He had to drive ten or twelve miles up and up the + mountain-side, a road of innumerable hairpin bends and precipitous banks, + the horse was gaunt and ugly with a disposition to shy, and he confesses + he clutched the side of the vehicle and speculated how he should jump if + presently the whole turnout went tumbling over.... + </p> + <p> + “And afterwards I dreamt dreams of precipices. I made strides over + precipices, I fell and fell with a floating swiftness towards remote + valleys, I was assailed by eagles upon a perilous ledge that crumbled away + and left me clinging by my nails to nothing.” + </p> + <p> + The Bisse of Leysin is one of those artificial water-courses which bring + water from some distant source to pastures that have an insufficient or + uncertain supply. It is a little better known than most because of a + certain exceptional boldness in its construction; for a distance of a few + score yards it runs supported by iron staples across the front of a sheer + precipice, and for perhaps half a mile it hangs like an eyebrow over + nearly or quite vertical walls of pine-set rock. Beside it, on the outer + side of it, runs a path, which becomes an offhand gangway of planking at + the overhanging places. At one corner, which gives the favourite picture + postcard from Montana, the rocks project so sharply above the water that + the passenger on the gangway must crouch down upon the bending plank as he + walks. There is no hand-hold at all. + </p> + <p> + A path from Montana takes one over a pine-clad spur and down a precipitous + zig-zag upon the middle of the Bisse, and thither Benham came, fascinated + by the very fact that here was something of which the mere report + frightened him. He had to walk across the cold clear rush of the Bisse + upon a pine log, and then he found himself upon one of the gentler + interludes of the Bisse track. It was a scrambling path nearly two feet + wide, and below it were slopes, but not so steep as to terrify. At a vast + distance below he saw through tree-stems and blue haze a twisted strand of + bright whiteness, the river that joins the Rhone at Sion. It looped about + and passed out of sight remotely beneath his feet. He turned to the right, + and came to a corner that overhung a precipice. He craned his head round + this corner and saw the evil place of the picture-postcards. + </p> + <p> + He remained for a long time trying to screw himself up to walk along the + jagged six-inch edge of rock between cliff and torrent into which the path + has shrunken, to the sagging plank under the overhanging rock beyond. + </p> + <p> + He could not bring himself to do that. + </p> + <p> + “It happened that close to the corner a large lump of rock and earth was + breaking away, a cleft was opening, so that presently, it seemed possible + at any moment, the mass would fall headlong into the blue deeps below. + This impending avalanche was not in my path along the Bisse, it was no + sort of danger to me, but in some way its insecurity gave a final touch to + my cowardice. I could not get myself round that corner.” + </p> + <p> + He turned away. He went and examined the planks in the other direction, + and these he found less forbidding. He crossed one precipitous place, with + a fall of twoscore feet or less beneath him, and found worse ahead. There + also he managed. A third place was still more disagreeable. The plank was + worn and thin, and sagged under him. He went along it supporting himself + against the rock above the Bisse with an extended hand. Halfway the rock + fell back, so that there was nothing whatever to hold. He stopped, + hesitating whether he should go back—but on this plank there was no + going back because no turning round seemed practicable. While he was still + hesitating there came a helpful intervention. Behind him he saw a peasant + appearing and disappearing behind trees and projecting rock masses, and + coming across the previous plank at a vigorous trot.... + </p> + <p> + Under the stimulus of a spectator Benham got to the end of this third + place without much trouble. Then very politely he stood aside for the + expert to go ahead so that he could follow at his own pace. + </p> + <p> + There were, however, more difficulties yet to come, and a disagreeable + humiliation. That confounded peasant developed a parental solicitude. + After each crossing he waited, and presently began to offer advice and + encouragement. At last came a place where everything was overhanging, + where the Bisse was leaking, and the plank wet and slippery. The water ran + out of the leak near the brim of the wooden channel and fell in a long + shivering thread of silver. THERE WAS NO SOUND OF ITS FALL. It just fell—into + a void. Benham wished he had not noted that. He groaned, but faced the + plank; he knew this would be the slowest affair of all. + </p> + <p> + The peasant surveyed him from the further side. + </p> + <p> + “Don't be afraid!” cried the peasant in his clumsy Valaisian French, and + returned, returning along the plank that seemed quite sufficiently loaded + without him, extending a charitable hand. + </p> + <p> + “Damn!” whispered Benham, but he took the hand. + </p> + <p> + Afterwards, rather ignobly, he tried to explain in his public-school + French. “Pas de peur,” he said. “Pas de peur. Mais la tete, n'a pas + l'habitude.” + </p> + <p> + The peasant, failing to understand, assured him again that there was no + danger. + </p> + <p> + (“Damn!”) + </p> + <p> + Benham was led over all the other planks, he was led as if he was an old + lady crossing a glacier. He was led into absolute safety, and shamefacedly + he rewarded his guide. Then he went a little way and sat down, swore + softly, and watched the honest man go striding and plunging down towards + Lens until he was out of sight. + </p> + <p> + “Now,” said Benham to himself, “if I do not go back along the planks my + secret honour is gone for ever.” + </p> + <p> + He told himself that he had not a good head, that he was not well, that + the sun was setting and the light no longer good, that he had a very good + chance indeed of getting killed. Then it came to him suddenly as a clear + and simple truth, as something luminously plain, that it is better to get + killed than go away defeated by such fears and unsteadiness as his. The + change came into his mind as if a white light were suddenly turned on—where + there had been nothing but shadows and darkness. He rose to his feet and + went swiftly and intently the whole way back, going with a kind of + temperate recklessness, and, because he was no longer careful, easily. He + went on beyond his starting place toward the corner, and did that supreme + bit, to and fro, that bit where the lump was falling away, and he had to + crouch, as gaily as the rest. Then he recrossed the Bisse upon the pine + log, clambered up through the pines to the crest, and returned through the + meadows to his own hotel. + </p> + <p> + After that he should have slept the sleep of contentment, but instead he + had quite dreadful nightmares, of hanging in frozen fear above incredible + declivities, of ill-aimed leaps across chasms to slippery footholds, of + planks that swayed and broke suddenly in the middle and headed him down + and down.... + </p> + <p> + The next day in the sunshine he walked the Bisse again with those dreams + like trailing mists in his mind, and by comparison the path of the Bisse + was nothing, it was like walking along a kerbstone, it was an exercise for + young ladies.... + </p> + <p> + 7 + </p> + <p> + In his younger days Benham had regarded Fear as a shameful secret and as a + thing to be got rid of altogether. It seemed to him that to feel fear was + to fall short of aristocracy, and in spite of the deep dreads and disgusts + that haunted his mind, he set about the business of its subjugation as if + it were a spiritual amputation. But as he emerged from the egotism of + adolescence he came to realize that this was too comprehensive an + operation; every one feels fear, and your true aristocrat is not one who + has eliminated, but one who controls or ignores it. Brave men are men who + do things when they are afraid to do them, just as Nelson, even when he + was seasick, and he was frequently seasick, was still master of the sea. + Benham developed two leading ideas about fear; one that it is worse at the + first onset, and far worse than any real experience, and the other that + fear is essentially a social instinct. He set himself upon these lines to + study—what can we call it?—the taming of fear, the nature, + care, and management of fear.... + </p> + <p> + “Fear is very like pain in this, that it is a deterrent thing. It is + superficial. Just as a man's skin is infinitely more sensitive than + anything inside.... Once you have forced yourself or have been forced + through the outward fear into vivid action or experience, you feel very + little. The worst moment is before things happen. Rowe, the African + sportsman, told me that he had seen cowardice often enough in the presence + of lions, but he had never seen any one actually charged by a lion who did + not behave well. I have heard the same thing of many sorts of dangers. + </p> + <p> + “I began to suspect this first in the case of falling or jumping down. + Giddiness may be an almost intolerable torture, and falling nothing of the + sort. I once saw the face of an old man who had flung himself out of a + high window in Rome, and who had been killed instantly on the pavement; it + was not simply a serene face, it was glad, exalted. I suspect that when we + have broken the shell of fear, falling may be delightful. Jumping down is, + after all, only a steeper tobogganing, and tobogganing a milder jumping + down. Always I used to funk at the top of the Cresta run. I suffered + sometimes almost intolerably; I found it almost impossible to get away. + The first ten yards was like being slashed open with a sharp sword. But + afterwards there was nothing but joyful thrills. All instinct, too, fought + against me when I tried high diving. I managed it, and began to like it. I + had to give it up because of my ears, but not until I had established the + habit of stepping through that moment of disinclination. + </p> + <p> + “I was Challoner's passenger when he was killed at Sheerness. That was a + queer unexpected experience, you may have supposed it an agony of terror, + but indeed there was no fear in it at all. At any rate, I do not remember + a moment of fear; it has gone clean out of my memory if ever it was there. + We were swimming high and fast, three thousand feet or so, in a clear, + sweet air over the town of Sheerness. The river, with a string of + battleships, was far away to the west of us, and the endless grey-blue + flats of the Thames to the north. The sun was low behind a bank of cloud. + I was watching a motor-car, which seemed to be crawling slowly enough, + though, no doubt, it was making a respectable pace, between two hedges + down below. It is extraordinary how slowly everything seems to be going + when one sees it from such an height. + </p> + <p> + “Then the left wing of the monoplane came up like a door that slams, some + wires whistled past my head, and one whipped off my helmet, and then, with + the seat slipping away from me, down we went. I snatched unavailingly for + the helmet, and then gripped the sides. It was like dropping in a boat + suddenly into the trough of a wave—and going on dropping. We were + both strapped, and I got my feet against the side and clung to the locked + second wheel. + </p> + <p> + “The sensation was as though something like an intermittent electric + current was pouring through me. It's a ridiculous image to use, I can't + justify it, but it was as if I was having cold blue light squirted through + every pore of my being. There was an astonishment, a feeling of + confirmation. 'Of course these things do happen sometimes,' I told myself. + I don't remember that Challoner looked round or said anything at all. I am + not sure that I looked at him.... + </p> + <p> + “There seemed to be a long interval of intensely excited curiosity, and I + remember thinking, 'Lord, but we shall come a smash in a minute!' Far + ahead I saw the grey sheds of Eastchurch and people strolling about + apparently unaware of our disaster. There was a sudden silence as + Challoner stopped the engine.... + </p> + <p> + “But the point I want to insist upon is that I did not feel afraid. I was + simply enormously, terribly INTERESTED.... + </p> + <p> + “There came a tremendous jolt and a lunge, and we were both tipped + forward, so that we were hanging forehead down by our straps, and it + looked as if the sheds were in the sky, then I saw nothing but sky, then + came another vast swerve, and we were falling sideways, sideways.... + </p> + <p> + “I was altogether out of breath and PHYSICALLY astonished, and I remember + noting quite intelligently as we hit the ground how the green grass had an + effect of POURING OUT in every direction from below us.... + </p> + <p> + “Then I remember a jerk and a feeling that I was flying up again. I was + astonished by a tremendous popping—fabric, wires, everything seemed + going pop, pop, pop, like a machine-gun, and then came a flash of intense + pain as my arm crumpled up. It was quite impersonal pain. As impersonal as + seeing intense colour. SPLINTERS! I remember the word came into my head + instantly. I remember that very definitely. + </p> + <p> + “I thought, I suppose, my arm was in splinters. Or perhaps of the scraps + and ends of rods and wires flying about us. It is curious that while I + remember the word I cannot recall the idea.... + </p> + <p> + “When I became conscious again the chief thing present in my mind was that + all those fellows round were young soldiers who wouldn't at all understand + bad behaviour. My arm was—orchestral, but still far from being real + suffering IN me. Also I wanted to know what Challoner had got. They + wouldn't understand my questions, and then I twisted round and saw from + the negligent way his feet came out from under the engine that he must be + dead. And dark red stains with bright red froth— + </p> + <p> + “Of course! + </p> + <p> + “There again the chief feeling was a sense of oddity. I wasn't sorry for + him any more than I was for myself. + </p> + <p> + “It seemed to me that it was all right with us both, remarkable, vivid, + but all right....” + </p> + <p> + 8 + </p> + <p> + “But though there is little or no fear in an aeroplane, even when it is + smashing up, there is fear about aeroplanes. There is something that says + very urgently, 'Don't,' to the man who looks up into the sky. It is very + interesting to note how at a place like Eastchurch or Brooklands the + necessary discretion trails the old visceral feeling with it, and how men + will hang about, ready to go up, resolved to go up, but delaying. Men of + indisputable courage will get into a state between dread and laziness, and + waste whole hours of flying weather on any excuse or no excuse. Once they + are up that inhibition vanishes. The man who was delaying and delaying + half an hour ago will now be cutting the most venturesome capers in the + air. Few men are in a hurry to get down again. I mean that quite apart + from the hesitation of landing, they like being up there.” + </p> + <p> + Then, abruptly, Benham comes back to his theory. + </p> + <p> + “Fear, you see, is the inevitable janitor, but it is not the ruler of + experience. That is what I am driving at in all this. The bark of danger + is worse than its bite. Inside the portals there may be events and + destruction, but terror stays defeated at the door. It may be that when + that old man was killed by a horse the child who watched suffered more + than he did.... + </p> + <p> + “I am sure that was so....” + </p> + <p> + 9 + </p> + <p> + As White read Benham's notes and saw how his argument drove on, he was + reminded again and again of those schoolboy days and Benham's hardihood, + and his own instinctive unreasonable reluctance to follow those gallant + intellectual leads. If fear is an ancient instinctive boundary that the + modern life, the aristocratic life, is bound to ignore and transcend, may + this not also be the case with pain? We do a little adventure into the + “life beyond fear”; may we not also think of adventuring into the life + beyond pain? Is pain any saner a warning than fear? May not pain just as + much as fear keep us from possible and splendid things? But why ask a + question that is already answered in principle in every dentist's chair? + Benham's idea, however, went much further than that, he was clearly + suggesting that in pain itself, pain endured beyond a certain pitch, there + might come pleasure again, an intensity of sensation that might have the + colour of delight. He betrayed a real anxiety to demonstrate this + possibility, he had the earnestness of a man who is sensible of + dissentient elements within. He hated the thought of pain even more than + he hated fear. His arguments did not in the least convince White, who + stopped to poke the fire and assure himself of his own comfort in the + midst of his reading. + </p> + <p> + Young people and unseasoned people, Benham argued, are apt to imagine that + if fear is increased and carried to an extreme pitch it becomes + unbearable, one will faint or die; given a weak heart, a weak artery or + any such structural defect and that may well happen, but it is just as + possible that as the stimulation increases one passes through a brief + ecstasy of terror to a new sane world, exalted but as sane as normal + existence. There is the calmness of despair. Benham had made some notes to + enforce this view, of the observed calm behaviour of men already + hopelessly lost, men on sinking ships, men going to execution, men already + maimed and awaiting the final stroke, but for the most part these were + merely references to books and periodicals. In exactly the same way, he + argued, we exaggerate the range of pain as if it were limitless. We think + if we are unthinking that it passes into agony and so beyond endurance to + destruction. It probably does nothing of the kind. Benham compared pain to + the death range of the electric current. At a certain voltage it thrills, + at a greater it torments and convulses, at a still greater it kills. But + at enormous voltages, as Tesla was the first to demonstrate, it does no + injury. And following on this came memoranda on the recorded behaviour of + martyrs, on the self-torture of Hindoo ascetics, of the defiance of Red + Indian prisoners. + </p> + <p> + “These things,” Benham had written, “are much more horrible when one + considers them from the point of view of an easy-chair”;—White gave + an assenting nod—“ARE THEY REALLY HORRIBLE AT ALL? Is it possible + that these charred and slashed and splintered persons, those Indians + hanging from hooks, those walkers in the fiery furnace, have had glimpses + through great windows that were worth the price they paid for them? + Haven't we allowed those checks and barriers that are so important a + restraint upon childish enterprise, to creep up into and distress and + distort adult life?... + </p> + <p> + “The modern world thinks too much as though painlessness and freedom from + danger were ultimate ends. It is fear-haunted, it is troubled by the + thoughts of pain and death, which it has never met except as well-guarded + children meet these things, in exaggerated and untestable forms, in the + menagerie or in nightmares. And so it thinks the discovery of anaesthetics + the crowning triumph of civilization, and cosiness and innocent amusement, + those ideals of the nursery, the whole purpose of mankind....” + </p> + <p> + “Mm,” said White, and pressed his lips together and knotted his brows and + shook his head. + </p> + <p> + 10 + </p> + <p> + But the bulk of Benham's discussion of fear was not concerned with this + perverse and overstrained suggestion of pleasure reached through torture, + this exaggeration of the man resolved not to shrink at anything; it was an + examination of the present range and use of fear that led gradually to + something like a theory of control and discipline. The second of his two + dominating ideas was that fear is an instinct arising only in isolation, + that in a crowd there may be a collective panic, but that there is no real + individual fear. Fear, Benham held, drives the man back to the crowd, the + dog to its master, the wolf to the pack, and when it is felt that the + danger is pooled, then fear leaves us. He was quite prepared to meet the + objection that animals of a solitary habit do nevertheless exhibit fear. + Some of this apparent fear, he argued, was merely discretion, and what is + not discretion is the survival of an infantile characteristic. The fear + felt by a tiger cub is certainly a social emotion, that drives it back to + the other cubs, to its mother and the dark hiding of the lair. The fear of + a fully grown tiger sends it into the reeds and the shadows, to a refuge, + that must be “still reminiscent of the maternal lair.” But fear has very + little hold upon the adult solitary animal, it changes with extreme + readiness to resentment and rage. + </p> + <p> + “Like most inexperienced people,” ran his notes, “I was astonished at the + reported feats of men in war; I believed they were exaggerated, and that + there was a kind of unpremeditated conspiracy of silence about their real + behaviour. But when on my way to visit India for the third time I turned + off to see what I could of the fighting before Adrianople, I discovered at + once that a thousand casually selected conscripts will, every one of them, + do things together that not one of them could by any means be induced to + do alone. I saw men not merely obey orders that gave them the nearly + certain prospect of death, but I saw them exceeding orders; I saw men leap + out of cover for the mere sake of defiance, and fall shot through and + smashed by a score of bullets. I saw a number of Bulgarians in the hands + of the surgeon, several quite frightfully wounded, refuse chloroform + merely to impress the English onlooker, some of their injuries I could + scarcely endure to see, and I watched a line of infantry men go on up a + hill and keep on quite manifestly cheerful with men dropping out and + wriggling, and men dropping out and lying still until every other man was + down.... Not one man would have gone up that hill alone, without + onlookers....” + </p> + <p> + Rowe, the lion hunter, told Benham that only on one occasion in his life + had he given way to ungovernable fear, and that was when he was alone. + Many times he had been in fearful situations in the face of charging lions + and elephants, and once he had been bowled over and carried some distance + by a lion, but on none of these occasions had fear demoralized him. There + was no question of his general pluck. But on one occasion he was lost in + rocky waterless country in Somaliland. He strayed out in the early morning + while his camels were being loaded, followed some antelope too far, and + lost his bearings. He looked up expecting to see the sun on his right hand + and found it on his left. He became bewildered. He wandered some time and + then fired three signal shots and got no reply. Then losing his head he + began shouting. He had only four or five more cartridges and no + water-bottle. His men were accustomed to his going on alone, and might not + begin to remark upon his absence until sundown.... It chanced, however, + that one of the shikari noted the water-bottle he had left behind and + organized a hunt for him. + </p> + <p> + Long before they found him he had passed to an extremity of terror. The + world had become hideous and threatening, the sun was a pitiless glare, + each rocky ridge he clambered became more dreadful than the last, each new + valley into which he looked more hateful and desolate, the cramped thorn + bushes threatened him gauntly, the rocks had a sinister lustre, and in + every blue shadow about him the night and death lurked and waited. There + was no hurry for them, presently they would spread out again and join and + submerge him, presently in the confederated darkness he could be stalked + and seized and slain. Yes, this he admitted was real fear. He had cracked + his voice, yelling as a child yells. And then he had become afraid of his + own voice.... + </p> + <p> + “Now this excess of fear in isolation, this comfort in a crowd, in support + and in a refuge, even when support or refuge is quite illusory, is just + exactly what one would expect of fear if one believed it to be an instinct + which has become a misfit. In the ease of the soldier fear is so much a + misfit that instead of saving him for the most part it destroys him. Raw + soldiers under fire bunch together and armies fight in masses, men are + mowed down in swathes, because only so is the courage of the common men + sustained, only so can they be brave, albeit spread out and handling their + weapons as men of unqualified daring would handle them they would be + infinitely safer and more effective.... + </p> + <p> + “And all of us, it may be, are restrained by this misfit fear from a + thousand bold successful gestures of mind and body, we are held back from + the attainment of mighty securities in pitiful temporary shelters that are + perhaps in the end no better than traps....” + </p> + <p> + From such considerations Benham went on to speculate how far the crowd can + be replaced in a man's imagination, how far some substitute for that + social backing can be made to serve the same purpose in neutralizing fear. + He wrote with the calm of a man who weighs the probabilities of a riddle, + and with the zeal of a man lost to every material consideration. His + writing, it seemed to White, had something of the enthusiastic whiteness + of his face, the enthusiastic brightness of his eyes. We can no more + banish fear from our being at present than we can carve out the fleshy + pillars of the heart or the pineal gland in the brain. It is deep in our + inheritance. As deep as hunger. And just as we have to satisfy hunger in + order that it should leave us free, so we have to satisfy the + unconquerable importunity of fear. We have to reassure our faltering + instincts. There must be something to take the place of lair and + familiars, something not ourselves but general, that we must carry with us + into the lonely places. For it is true that man has now not only to learn + to fight in open order instead of in a phalanx, but he has to think and + plan and act in open order, to live in open order.... + </p> + <p> + Then with one of his abrupt transitions Benham had written, “This brings + me to God.” + </p> + <p> + “The devil it does!” said White, roused to a keener attention. + </p> + <p> + “By no feat of intention can we achieve courage in loneliness so long as + we feel indeed alone. An isolated man, an egoist, an Epicurean man, will + always fail himself in the solitary place. There must be something more + with us to sustain us against this vast universe than the spark of life + that began yesterday and must be extinguished to-morrow. There can be no + courage beyond social courage, the sustaining confidence of the herd, + until there is in us the sense of God. But God is a word that covers a + multitude of meanings. When I was a boy I was a passionate atheist, I + defied God, and so far as God is the mere sanction of social traditions + and pressures, a mere dressing up of the crowd's will in canonicals, I do + still deny him and repudiate him. That God I heard of first from my + nursemaid, and in very truth he is the proper God of all the nursemaids of + mankind. But there is another God than that God of obedience, God the + immortal adventurer in me, God who calls men from home and country, God + scourged and crowned with thorns, who rose in a nail-pierced body out of + death and came not to bring peace but a sword.” + </p> + <p> + With something bordering upon intellectual consternation, White, who was a + decent self-respecting sceptic, read these last clamberings of Benham's + spirit. They were written in pencil; they were unfinished when he died. + </p> + <p> + (Surely the man was not a Christian!) + </p> + <p> + “You may be heedless of death and suffering because you think you cannot + suffer and die, or you may be heedless of death and pain because you have + identified your life with the honour of mankind and the insatiable + adventurousness of man's imagination, so that the possible death is + negligible and the possible achievement altogether outweighs it.”... + </p> + <p> + White shook his head over these pencilled fragments. + </p> + <p> + He was a member of the Rationalist Press Association, and he had always + taken it for granted that Benham was an orthodox unbeliever. But this was + hopelessly unsound, heresy, perilous stuff; almost, it seemed to him, a + posthumous betrayal.... + </p> + <p> + 11 + </p> + <p> + One night when he was in India the spirit of adventure came upon Benham. + He had gone with Kepple, of the forestry department, into the jungle + country in the hills above the Tapti. He had been very anxious to see + something of that aspect of Indian life, and he had snatched at the chance + Kepple had given him. But they had scarcely started before the expedition + was brought to an end by an accident, Kepple was thrown by a pony and his + ankle broken. He and Benham bandaged it as well as they could, and a + litter was sent for, and meanwhile they had to wait in the camp that was + to have been the centre of their jungle raids. The second day of this + waiting was worse for Kepple than the first, and he suffered much from the + pressure of this amateurish bandaging. In the evening Benham got cool + water from the well and rearranged things better; the two men dined and + smoked under their thatched roof beneath the big banyan, and then Kepple, + tired out by his day of pain, was carried to his tent. Presently he fell + asleep and Benham was left to himself. + </p> + <p> + Now that the heat was over he found himself quite indisposed to sleep. He + felt full of life and anxious for happenings. + </p> + <p> + He went back and sat down upon the iron bedstead beneath the banyan, that + Kepple had lain upon through the day, and he watched the soft immensity of + the Indian night swallow up the last lingering colours of the world. It + left the outlines, it obliterated nothing, but it stripped off the + superficial reality of things. The moon was full and high overhead, and + the light had not so much gone as changed from definition and the blazing + glitter and reflections of solidity to a translucent and unsubstantial + clearness. The jungle that bordered the little encampment north, south, + and west seemed to have crept a little nearer, enriched itself with + blackness, taken to itself voices. + </p> + <p> + (Surely it had been silent during the day.) + </p> + <p> + A warm, faintly-scented breeze just stirred the dead grass and the leaves. + In the day the air had been still. + </p> + <p> + Immediately after the sunset there had been a great crying of peacocks in + the distance, but that was over now; the crickets, however, were still + noisy, and a persistent sound had become predominant, an industrious + unmistakable sound, a sound that took his mind back to England, in + midsummer. It was like a watchman's rattle—a nightjar! + </p> + <p> + So there were nightjars here in India, too! One might have expected + something less familiar. And then came another cry from far away over the + heat-stripped tree-tops, a less familiar cry. It was repeated. Was that + perhaps some craving leopard, a tiger cat, a panther?— + </p> + <p> + “HUNT, HUNT”; that might be a deer. + </p> + <p> + Then suddenly an angry chattering came from the dark trees quite close at + hand. A monkey?... + </p> + <p> + These great, scarce visible, sweeping movements through the air were + bats.... + </p> + <p> + Of course, the day jungle is the jungle asleep. This was its waking hour. + Now the deer were arising from their forms, the bears creeping out of + their dens amidst the rocks and blundering down the gullies, the tigers + and panthers and jungle cats stalking noiselessly from their lairs in the + grass. Countless creatures that had hidden from the heat and pitiless + exposure of the day stood now awake and alertly intent upon their + purposes, grazed or sought water, flitting delicately through the + moonlight and shadows. The jungle was awakening. Again Benham heard that + sound like the belling of a stag.... + </p> + <p> + This was the real life of the jungle, this night life, into which man did + not go. Here he was on the verge of a world that for all the stuffed + trophies of the sportsman and the specimens of the naturalist is still + almost as unknown as if it was upon another planet. What intruders men + are, what foreigners in the life of this ancient system! + </p> + <p> + He looked over his shoulder, and there were the two little tents, one that + sheltered Kepple and one that awaited him, and beyond, in an irregular + line, glowed the ruddy smoky fires of the men. One or two turbaned figures + still flitted about, and there was a voice—low, monotonous—it + must have been telling a tale. Further, sighing and stirring ever and + again, were tethered beasts, and then a great pale space of moonlight and + the clumsy outlines of the village well. The clustering village itself + slept in darkness beyond the mango trees, and still remoter the black + encircling jungle closed in. One might have fancied this was the + encampment of newly-come invaders, were it not for the larger villages + that are overgrown with thickets and altogether swallowed up again in the + wilderness, and for the deserted temples that are found rent asunder by + the roots of trees and the ancient embankments that hold water only for + the drinking of the sambur deer.... + </p> + <p> + Benham turned his face to the dim jungle again.... + </p> + <p> + He had come far out of his way to visit this strange world of the ancient + life, that now recedes and dwindles before our new civilization, that + seems fated to shrivel up and pass altogether before the dry advance of + physical science and material organization. He was full of unsatisfied + curiosities about its fierce hungers and passions, its fears and + cruelties, its instincts and its well-nigh incommunicable and yet most + precious understandings. He had long ceased to believe that the wild beast + is wholly evil, and safety and plenty the ultimate good for men.... + </p> + <p> + Perhaps he would never get nearer to this mysterious jungle life than he + was now. + </p> + <p> + It was intolerably tantalizing that it should be so close at hand and so + inaccessible.... + </p> + <p> + As Benham sat brooding over his disappointment the moon, swimming on + through the still circle of the hours, passed slowly over him. The lights + and shadows about him changed by imperceptible gradations and a long pale + alley where the native cart track drove into the forest, opened slowly out + of the darkness, slowly broadened, slowly lengthened. It opened out to him + with a quality of invitation.... + </p> + <p> + There was the jungle before him. Was it after all so inaccessible? + </p> + <p> + “Come!” the road said to him. + </p> + <p> + Benham rose and walked out a few paces into the moonlight and stood + motionless. + </p> + <p> + Was he afraid? + </p> + <p> + Even now some hungry watchful monster might lurk in yonder shadows, + watching with infinite still patience. Kepple had told him how they would + sit still for hours—staring unblinkingly as cats stare at a fire—and + then crouch to advance. Beneath the shrill overtone of the nightjars, what + noiseless grey shapes, what deep breathings and cracklings and creepings + might there not be?... + </p> + <p> + Was he afraid? + </p> + <p> + That question determined him to go. + </p> + <p> + He hesitated whether he should take a gun. A stick? A gun, he knew, was a + dangerous thing to an inexperienced man. No! He would go now, even as he + was with empty hands. At least he would go as far as the end of that band + of moonlight. If for no other reason than because he was afraid. NOW! + </p> + <p> + For a moment it seemed to him as though his feet were too heavy to lift + and then, hands in pockets, khaki-clad, an almost invisible figure, he + strolled towards the cart-track. + </p> + <p> + Come to that, he halted for a moment to regard the distant fires of the + men. No one would miss him. They would think he was in his tent. He faced + the stirring quiet ahead. The cart-track was a rutted path of soft, warm + sand, on which he went almost noiselessly. A bird squabbled for an instant + in a thicket. A great white owl floated like a flake of moonlight across + the track and vanished without a sound among the trees. + </p> + <p> + Along the moonlit path went Benham, and when he passed near trees his + footsteps became noisy with the rustle and crash of dead leaves. The + jungle was full of moonlight; twigs, branches, creepers, grass-clumps came + out acutely vivid. The trees and bushes stood in pools of darkness, and + beyond were pale stretches of misty moonshine and big rocks shining with + an unearthly lustre. Things seemed to be clear and yet uncertain. It was + as if they dissolved or retired a little and then returned to solidity. + </p> + <p> + A sudden chattering broke out overhead, and black across the great stars + soared a flying squirrel and caught a twig, and ran for shelter. A second + hesitated in a tree-top and pursued. They chased each other and vanished + abruptly. He forgot his sense of insecurity in the interest of these + active little silhouettes. And he noted how much bigger and more wonderful + the stars can look when one sees them through interlacing branches. + </p> + <p> + Ahead was darkness; but not so dark when he came to it that the track was + invisible. He was at the limit of his intention, but now he saw that that + had been a childish project. He would go on, he would walk right into the + jungle. His first disinclination was conquered, and the soft intoxication + of the subtropical moonshine was in his blood.... But he wished he could + walk as a spirit walks, without this noise of leaves.... + </p> + <p> + Yes, this was very wonderful and beautiful, and there must always be + jungles for men to walk in. Always there must be jungles.... + </p> + <p> + Some small beast snarled and bolted from under his feet. He stopped + sharply. He had come into a darkness under great boughs, and now he stood + still as the little creature scuttled away. Beyond the track emerged into + a dazzling whiteness.... + </p> + <p> + In the stillness he could hear the deer belling again in the distance, and + then came a fuss of monkeys in a group of trees near at hand. He remained + still until this had died away into mutterings. + </p> + <p> + Then on the verge of movement he was startled by a ripe mango that slipped + from its stalk and fell out of the tree and struck his hand. It took a + little time to understand that, and then he laughed, and his muscles + relaxed, and he went on again. + </p> + <p> + A thorn caught at him and he disentangled himself. + </p> + <p> + He crossed the open space, and the moon was like a great shield of light + spread out above him. All the world seemed swimming in its radiance. The + stars were like lamps in a mist of silvery blue. + </p> + <p> + The track led him on across white open spaces of shrivelled grass and + sand, amidst trees where shadows made black patternings upon the silver, + and then it plunged into obscurities. For a time it lifted, and then on + one hand the bush fell away, and he saw across a vast moonlit valley wide + undulations of open cultivation, belts of jungle, copses, and a great lake + as black as ebony. For a time the path ran thus open, and then the jungle + closed in again and there were more thickets, more levels of grass, and in + one place far overhead among the branches he heard and stood for a time + perplexed at a vast deep humming of bees.... + </p> + <p> + Presently a black monster with a hunched back went across his path + heedless of him and making a great noise in the leaves. He stood quite + still until it had gone. He could not tell whether it was a boar or + hyaena; most probably, he thought, a boar because of the heaviness of its + rush. + </p> + <p> + The path dropped downhill for a time, crossed a ravine, ascended. He + passed a great leafless tree on which there were white flowers. On the + ground also, in the darkness under the tree, there were these flowers; + they were dropping noiselessly, and since they were visible in the + shadows, it seemed to him that they must be phosphorescent. And they + emitted a sweetish scent that lay heavily athwart the path. Presently he + passed another such tree. Then he became aware of a tumult ahead of him, a + smashing of leaves, a snorting and slobbering, grunting and sucking, a + whole series of bestial sounds. He halted for a little while, and then + drew nearer, picking his steps to avoid too great a noise. Here were more + of those white-blossomed trees, and beneath, in the darkness, something + very black and big was going to and fro, eating greedily. Then he found + that there were two and then more of these black things, three or four of + them. + </p> + <p> + Curiosity made Benham draw nearer, very softly. + </p> + <p> + Presently one showed in a patch of moonlight, startlingly big, a huge, + black hairy monster with a long white nose on a grotesque face, and he was + stuffing armfuls of white blossom into his mouth with his curved fore + claws. He took not the slightest notice of the still man, who stood + perhaps twenty yards away from him. He was too blind and careless. He + snorted and smacked his slobbering lips, and plunged into the shadows + again. Benham heard him root among the leaves and grunt appreciatively. + The air was heavy with the reek of the crushed flowers. + </p> + <p> + For some time Benham remained listening to and peering at these + preoccupied gluttons. At last he shrugged his shoulders, and left them and + went on his way. For a long time he could hear them, then just as he was + on the verge of forgetting them altogether, some dispute arose among them, + and there began a vast uproar, squeals, protests, comments, one voice + ridiculously replete and authoritative, ridiculously suggestive of a + drunken judge with his mouth full, and a shrill voice of grievance high + above the others.... + </p> + <p> + The uproar of the bears died away at last, almost abruptly, and left the + jungle to the incessant night-jars.... + </p> + <p> + For what end was this life of the jungle? + </p> + <p> + All Benham's senses were alert to the sounds and appearances about him, + and at the same time his mind was busy with the perplexities of that + riddle. Was the jungle just an aimless pool of life that man must drain + and clear away? Or is it to have a use in the greater life of our race + that now begins? Will man value the jungle as he values the precipice, for + the sake of his manhood? Will he preserve it? + </p> + <p> + Man must keep hard, man must also keep fierce. Will the jungle keep him + fierce? + </p> + <p> + For life, thought Benham, there must be insecurity.... + </p> + <p> + He had missed the track.... + </p> + <p> + He was now in a second ravine. He was going downward, walking on silvery + sand amidst great boulders, and now there was a new sound in the air—. + It was the croaking of frogs. Ahead was a solitary gleam. He was + approaching a jungle pool.... + </p> + <p> + Suddenly the stillness was alive, in a panic uproar. “HONK!” cried a great + voice, and “HONK!” There was a clatter of hoofs, a wild rush—a rush + as it seemed towards him. Was he being charged? He backed against a rock. + A great pale shape leaped by him, an antlered shape. It was a herd of big + deer bolting suddenly out of the stillness. He heard the swish and smash + of their retreat grow distant, disperse. He remained standing with his + back to the rock. + </p> + <p> + Slowly the strophe and antistrophe of frogs and goat-suckers resumed + possession of his consciousness. But now some primitive instinct perhaps + or some subconscious intimation of danger made him meticulously noiseless. + </p> + <p> + He went on down a winding sound-deadening path of sand towards the + drinking-place. He came to a wide white place that was almost level, and + beyond it under clustering pale-stemmed trees shone the mirror surface of + some ancient tank, and, sharp and black, a dog-like beast sat on its tail + in the midst of this space, started convulsively and went slinking into + the undergrowth. Benham paused for a moment and then walked out softly + into the light, and, behold! as if it were to meet him, came a monster, a + vast dark shape drawing itself lengthily out of the blackness, and stopped + with a start as if it had been instantly changed to stone. + </p> + <p> + It had stopped with one paw advanced. Its striped mask was light and dark + grey in the moonlight, grey but faintly tinged with ruddiness; its mouth + was a little open, its fangs and a pendant of viscous saliva shone vivid. + Its great round-pupilled eyes regarded him stedfastly. At last the + nightmare of Benham's childhood had come true, and he was face to face + with a tiger, uncaged, uncontrolled. + </p> + <p> + For some moments neither moved, neither the beast nor the man. They stood + face to face, each perhaps with an equal astonishment, motionless and + soundless, in that mad Indian moonlight that makes all things like a + dream. + </p> + <p> + Benham stood quite motionless, and body and mind had halted together. That + confrontation had an interminableness that had nothing to do with the + actual passage of time. Then some trickle of his previous thoughts stirred + in the frozen quiet of his mind. + </p> + <p> + He spoke hoarsely. “I am Man,” he said, and lifted a hand as he spoke. + “The Thought of the world.” + </p> + <p> + His heart leapt within him as the tiger moved. But the great beast went + sideways, gardant, only that its head was low, three noiseless + instantaneous strides it made, and stood again watching him. + </p> + <p> + “Man,” he said, in a voice that had no sound, and took a step forward. + </p> + <p> + “Wough!” With two bounds the monster had become a great grey streak that + crackled and rustled in the shadows of the trees. And then it had + vanished, become invisible and inaudible with a kind of instantaneousness. + </p> + <p> + For some seconds or some minutes Benham stood rigid, fearlessly expectant, + and then far away up the ravine he heard the deer repeat their cry of + alarm, and understood with a new wisdom that the tiger had passed among + them and was gone.... + </p> + <p> + He walked on towards the deserted tank and now he was talking aloud. + </p> + <p> + “I understand the jungle. I understand.... If a few men die here, what + matter? There are worse deaths than being killed.... + </p> + <p> + “What is this fool's trap of security? + </p> + <p> + “Every time in my life that I have fled from security I have fled from + death.... + </p> + <p> + “Let men stew in their cities if they will. It is in the lonely places, in + jungles and mountains, in snows and fires, in the still observatories and + the silent laboratories, in those secret and dangerous places where life + probes into life, it is there that the masters of the world, the lords of + the beast, the rebel sons of Fate come to their own.... + </p> + <p> + “You sleeping away there in the cities! Do you know what it means for you + that I am here to-night? + </p> + <p> + “Do you know what it means to you? + </p> + <p> + “I am just one—just the precursor. + </p> + <p> + “Presently, if you will not budge, those hot cities must be burnt about + you. You must come out of them....” + </p> + <p> + He wandered now uttering his thoughts as they came to him, and he saw no + more living creatures because they fled and hid before the sound of his + voice. He wandered until the moon, larger now and yellow tinged, was low + between the black bars of the tree stems. And then it sank very suddenly + behind a hilly spur and the light failed swiftly. + </p> + <p> + He stumbled and went with difficulty. He could go no further among these + rocks and ravines, and he sat down at the foot of a tree to wait for day. + </p> + <p> + He sat very still indeed. + </p> + <p> + A great stillness came over the world, a velvet silence that wrapped about + him, as the velvet shadows wrapped about him. The corncrakes had ceased, + all the sounds and stir of animal life had died away, the breeze had + fallen. A drowsing comfort took possession of him. He grew more placid and + more placid still. He was enormously content to find that fear had fled + before him and was gone. He drifted into that state of mind when one + thinks without ideas, when one's mind is like a starless sky, serene and + empty. + </p> + <p> + 12 + </p> + <p> + Some hours later Benham found that the trees and rocks were growing + visible again, and he saw a very bright star that he knew must be Lucifer + rising amidst the black branches. He was sitting upon a rock at the foot + of a slender-stemmed leafless tree. He had been asleep, and it was + daybreak. Everything was coldly clear and colourless. + </p> + <p> + He must have slept soundly. + </p> + <p> + He heard a cock crow, and another answer—jungle fowl these must be, + because there could be no village within earshot—and then far away + and bringing back memories of terraced houses and ripe walled gardens, was + the scream of peacocks. And some invisible bird was making a hollow + beating sound among the trees near at hand. TUNK.... TUNK, and out of the + dry grass came a twittering. + </p> + <p> + There was a green light in the east that grew stronger, and the stars + after their magnitudes were dissolving in the blue; only a few remained + faintly visible. The sound of birds increased. Through the trees he saw + towering up a great mauve thing like the back of a monster,—but that + was nonsense, it was the crest of a steep hillside covered with woods of + teak. + </p> + <p> + He stood up and stretched himself, and wondered whether he had dreamed of + a tiger. + </p> + <p> + He tried to remember and retrace the course of his over-night wanderings. + </p> + <p> + A flight of emerald parakeets tore screaming through the trees, and then + far away uphill he heard the creaking of a cart. + </p> + <p> + He followed the hint of a footmark, and went back up the glen slowly and + thoughtfully. + </p> + <p> + Presently he came to a familiar place, a group of trees, a sheet of water, + and the ruins of an old embankment. It was the ancient tank of his + overnight encounter. The pool of his dream? + </p> + <p> + With doubt still in his mind, he walked round its margin to the sandy + level beyond, and cast about and sought intently, and at last found, and + then found clearly, imposed upon the tracks of several sorts of deer and + the footprints of many biggish birds, first the great spoor of the tiger + and then his own. Here the beast had halted, and here it had leapt aside. + Here his own footmarks stopped. Here his heels had come together. + </p> + <p> + It had been no dream. + </p> + <p> + There was a white mist upon the water of the old tank like the bloom upon + a plum, and the trees about it seemed smaller and the sand-space wider and + rougher than they had seemed in the moonshine. Then the ground had looked + like a floor of frosted silver. + </p> + <p> + And thence he went on upward through the fresh morning, until just as the + east grew red with sunrise, he reached the cart-track from which he had + strayed overnight. It was, he found, a longer way back to the camp than he + remembered it to be. Perhaps he had struck the path further along. It + curved about and went up and down and crossed three ravines. At last he + came to that trampled place of littered white blossom under great trees + where he had seen the bears. + </p> + <p> + The sunlight went before him in a sheaf of golden spears, and his shadow, + that was at first limitless, crept towards his feet. The dew had gone from + the dead grass and the sand was hot to his dry boots before he came back + into the open space about the great banyan and the tents. And Kepple, + refreshed by a night's rest and coffee, was wondering loudly where the + devil he had gone. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE STORY + </h2> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THE FIRST ~~ THE BOY GROWS UP + </h2> + <p> + 1 + </p> + <p> + Benham was the son of a schoolmaster. His father was assistant first at + Cheltenham, and subsequently at Minchinghampton, and then he became head + and later on sole proprietor of Martindale House, a high-class preparatory + school at Seagate. He was extremely successful for some years, as success + goes in the scholastic profession, and then disaster overtook him in the + shape of a divorce. His wife, William Porphyry's mother, made the + acquaintance of a rich young man named Nolan, who was recuperating at + Seagate from the sequelae of snake-bite, malaria, and a gun accident in + Brazil. She ran away with him, and she was divorced. She was, however, + unable to marry him because he died at Wiesbaden only three days after the + Reverend Harold Benham obtained his decree absolute. Instead, therefore, + being a woman of great spirit, enterprise and sweetness, she married + Godfrey Marayne, afterwards Sir Godfrey Marayne, the great London surgeon. + </p> + <p> + Nolan was a dark, rather melancholy and sentimental young man, and he left + about a third of his very large fortune entirely to Mrs. Benham and the + rest to her in trust for her son, whom he deemed himself to have injured. + With this and a husband already distinguished, she returned presently to + London, and was on the whole fairly well received there. + </p> + <p> + It was upon the reverend gentleman at Seagate that the brunt of this + divorce fell. There is perhaps a certain injustice in the fact that a + schoolmaster who has lost his wife should also lose the more valuable + proportion of his pupils, but the tone of thought in England is against + any association of a schoolmaster with matrimonial irregularity. And also + Mr. Benham remarried. It would certainly have been better for him if he + could have produced a sister. His school declined and his efforts to + resuscitate it only hastened its decay. Conceiving that he could now only + appeal to the broader-minded, more progressive type of parent, he became + an educational reformer, and wrote upon modernizing the curriculum with + increasing frequency to the TIMES. He expended a considerable fraction of + his dwindling capital upon a science laboratory and a fives court; he + added a London Bachelor of Science with a Teaching Diploma to the school + staff, and a library of about a thousand volumes, including the Hundred + Best Books as selected by the late Lord Avebury, to the school equipment. + None of these things did anything but enhance the suspicion of laxity his + wife's escapade had created in the limited opulent and discreet class to + which his establishment appealed. One boy who, under the influence of the + Hundred Best Books, had quoted the ZEND-AVESTA to an irascible but + influential grandfather, was withdrawn without notice or compensation in + the middle of the term. It intensifies the tragedy of the Reverend Harold + Benham's failure that in no essential respect did his school depart from + the pattern of all other properly-conducted preparatory schools. + </p> + <p> + In appearance he was near the average of scholastic English gentlemen. He + displayed a manifest handsomeness somewhat weakened by disregard and + disuse, a large moustache and a narrow high forehead. His rather tired + brown eyes were magnified by glasses. He was an active man in unimportant + things, with a love for the phrase “ship-shape,” and he played cricket + better than any one else on the staff. He walked in wide strides, and + would sometimes use the tail of his gown on the blackboard. Like so many + clergymen and schoolmasters, he had early distrusted his natural impulse + in conversation, and had adopted the defensive precaution of a rather + formal and sonorous speech, which habit had made a part of him. His + general effect was of one who is earnestly keeping up things that might + otherwise give way, keeping them up by act and voice, keeping up an + atmosphere of vigour and success in a school that was only too manifestly + attenuated, keeping up a pretentious economy of administration in a school + that must not be too manifestly impoverished, keeping up a claim to be in + the scientific van and rather a flutterer of dovecots—with its + method of manual training for example—keeping up ESPRIT DE CORPS and + the manliness of himself and every one about him, keeping up his affection + for his faithful second wife and his complete forgetfulness of and + indifference to that spirit of distracting impulse and insubordination + away there in London, who had once been his delight and insurmountable + difficulty. “After my visits to her,” wrote Benham, “he would show by a + hundred little expressions and poses and acts how intensely he wasn't + noting that anything of the sort had occurred.” + </p> + <p> + But one thing that from the outset the father seemed to have failed to + keep up thoroughly was his intention to mould and dominate his son. + </p> + <p> + The advent of his boy had been a tremendous event in the reverend + gentleman's life. It is not improbable that his disposition to monopolize + the pride of this event contributed to the ultimate disruption of his + family. It left so few initiatives within the home to his wife. He had + been an early victim to that wave of philoprogenitive and educational + enthusiasm which distinguished the closing decade of the nineteenth + century. He was full of plans in those days for the education of his boy, + and the thought of the youngster played a large part in the series of + complicated emotional crises with which he celebrated the departure of his + wife, crises in which a number of old school and college friends very + generously assisted—spending weekends at Seagate for this purpose, + and mingling tobacco, impassioned handclasps and suchlike consolation with + much patient sympathetic listening to his carefully balanced analysis of + his feelings. He declared that his son was now his one living purpose in + life, and he sketched out a scheme of moral and intellectual training that + he subsequently embodied in five very stimulating and intimate articles + for the SCHOOL WORLD, but never put into more than partial operation. + </p> + <p> + “I have read my father's articles upon this subject,” wrote Benham, “and I + am still perplexed to measure just what I owe to him. Did he ever attempt + this moral training he contemplated so freely? I don't think he did. I + know now, I knew then, that he had something in his mind.... There were + one or two special walks we had together, he invited me to accompany him + with a certain portentousness, and we would go out pregnantly making + superficial remarks about the school cricket and return, discussing + botany, with nothing said. + </p> + <p> + “His heart failed him. + </p> + <p> + “Once or twice, too, he seemed to be reaching out at me from the school + pulpit. + </p> + <p> + “I think that my father did manage to convey to me his belief that there + were these fine things, honour, high aims, nobilities. If I did not get + this belief from him then I do not know how I got it. But it was as if he + hinted at a treasure that had got very dusty in an attic, a treasure which + he hadn't himself been able to spend....” + </p> + <p> + The father who had intended to mould his son ended by watching him grow, + not always with sympathy or understanding. He was an overworked man + assailed by many futile anxieties. One sees him striding about the + establishment with his gown streaming out behind him urging on the + groundsman or the gardener, or dignified, expounding the particular + advantages of Seagate to enquiring parents, one sees him unnaturally + cheerful and facetious at the midday dinner table, one imagines him + keeping up high aspirations in a rather too hastily scribbled sermon in + the school pulpit, or keeping up an enthusiasm for beautiful language in a + badly-prepared lesson on Virgil, or expressing unreal indignation and + unjustifiably exalted sentiments to evil doers, and one realizes his + disadvantage against the quiet youngster whose retentive memory was + storing up all these impressions for an ultimate judgment, and one + understands, too, a certain relief that mingled with his undeniable + emotion when at last the time came for young Benham, “the one living + purpose” of his life, to be off to Minchinghampton and the next step in + the mysterious ascent of the English educational system. + </p> + <p> + Three times at least, and with an increased interval, the father wrote + fine fatherly letters that would have stood the test of publication. Then + his communications became comparatively hurried and matter-of-fact. His + boy's return home for the holidays was always rather a stirring time for + his private feelings, but he became more and more inexpressive. He would + sometimes lay a hand on those growing shoulders and then withdraw it. They + felt braced-up shoulders, stiffly inflexible or—they would wince. + And when one has let the habit of indefinite feelings grow upon one, what + is there left to say? If one did say anything one might be asked + questions.... + </p> + <p> + One or two of the long vacations they spent abroad together. The last of + these occasions followed Benham's convalescence at Montana and his + struggle with the Bisse; the two went to Zermatt and did several peaks and + crossed the Theodule, and it was clear that their joint expeditions were a + strain upon both of them. The father thought the son reckless, unskilful, + and impatient; the son found the father's insistence upon guides, ropes, + precautions, the recognized way, the highest point and back again before + you get a chill, and talk about it sagely but very, very modestly over + pipes, tiresome. He wanted to wander in deserts of ice and see over the + mountains, and discover what it is to be benighted on a precipice. And + gradually he was becoming familiar with his father's repertory of Greek + quotations. There was no breach between them, but each knew that holiday + was the last they would ever spend together.... + </p> + <p> + The court had given the custody of young William Porphyry into his + father's hands, but by a generous concession it was arranged that his + mother should have him to see her for an hour or so five times a year. The + Nolan legacy, however, coming upon the top of this, introduced a peculiar + complication that provided much work for tactful intermediaries, and gave + great and increasing scope for painful delicacies on the part of Mr. + Benham as the boy grew up. + </p> + <p> + “I see,” said the father over his study pipe and with his glasses fixed on + remote distances above the head of the current sympathizer, “I see more + and more clearly that the tale of my sacrifices is not yet at an end.... + In many respects he is like her.... Quick. Too quick.... He must choose. + But I know his choice. Yes, yes,—I'm not blind. She's worked upon + him.... I have done what I could to bring out the manhood in him. Perhaps + it will bear the strain.... It will be a wrench, old man—God knows.” + </p> + <p> + He did his very best to make it a wrench. + </p> + <p> + 2 + </p> + <p> + Benham's mother, whom he saw quarterly and also on the first of May, + because it was her birthday, touched and coloured his imagination far more + than his father did. She was now Lady Marayne, and a prominent, + successful, and happy little lady. Her dereliction had been forgiven quite + soon, and whatever whisper of it remained was very completely forgotten + during the brief period of moral kindliness which followed the accession + of King Edward the Seventh. It no doubt contributed to her social + reinstatement that her former husband was entirely devoid of social + importance, while, on the other hand, Sir Godfrey Marayne's temporary + monopoly of the caecal operation which became so fashionable in the last + decade of Queen Victoria's reign as to be practically epidemic, created a + strong feeling in her favour. + </p> + <p> + She was blue-eyed and very delicately complexioned, quick-moving, witty, + given to little storms of clean enthusiasm; she loved handsome things, + brave things, successful things, and the respect and affection of all the + world. She did quite what she liked upon impulse, and nobody ever thought + ill of her. + </p> + <p> + Her family were the Mantons of Blent, quite good west-country people. She + had broken away from them before she was twenty to marry Benham, whom she + had idealized at a tennis party. He had talked of his work and she had + seen it in a flash, the noblest work in the world, him at his daily divine + toil and herself a Madonna surrounded by a troupe of Blessed Boys—all + of good family, some of quite the best. For a time she had kept it up even + more than he had, and then Nolan had distracted her with a realization of + the heroism that goes to the ends of the earth. She became sick with + desire for the forests of Brazil, and the Pacific, and—a peak in + Darien. Immediately the school was frowsty beyond endurance, and for the + first time she let herself perceive how dreadfully a gentleman and a + scholar can smell of pipes and tobacco. Only one course lay open to a + woman of spirit.... + </p> + <p> + For a year she did indeed live like a woman of spirit, and it was at + Nolan's bedside that Marayne was first moved to admiration. She was + plucky. All men love a plucky woman. + </p> + <p> + Sir Godfrey Marayne smelt a good deal of antiseptic soap, but he talked in + a way that amused her, and he trusted as well as adored her. She did what + she liked with his money, her own money, and her son's trust money, and + she did very well. From the earliest Benham's visits were to a gracious + presence amidst wealthy surroundings. The transit from the moral + blamelessness of Seagate had an entirely misleading effect of ascent. + </p> + <p> + Their earlier encounters became rather misty in his memory; they occurred + at various hotels in Seagate. Afterwards he would go, first taken by a + governess, and later going alone, to Charing Cross, where he would be met, + in earlier times by a maid and afterwards by a deferential manservant who + called him “Sir,” and conveyed, sometimes in a hansom cab and later in a + smart brougham, by Trafalgar Square, Lower Regent Street, Piccadilly, and + streets of increasing wealth and sublimity to Sir Godfrey's house in + Desborough Street. Very naturally he fell into thinking of these discreet + and well-governed West End streets as a part of his mother's atmosphere. + </p> + <p> + The house had a dignified portico, and always before he had got down to + the pavement the door opened agreeably and a second respectful manservant + stood ready. Then came the large hall, with its noiseless carpets and + great Chinese jars, its lacquered cabinets and the wide staircase, and + floating down the wide staircase, impatient to greet him, light and + shining as a flower petal, sweet and welcoming, radiating a joyfulness as + cool and clear as a dewy morning, came his mother. “WELL, little man, my + son,” she would cry in her happy singing voice, “WELL?” + </p> + <p> + So he thought she must always be, but indeed these meetings meant very + much to her, she dressed for them and staged them, she perceived the + bright advantages of her rarity and she was quite determined to have her + son when the time came to possess him. She kissed him but not + oppressively, she caressed him cleverly; it was only on these rare + occasions that he was ever kissed or caressed, and she talked to his shy + boyishness until it felt a more spirited variety of manhood. “What have + you been doing?” she asked, “since I saw you last.” + </p> + <p> + She never said he had grown, but she told him he looked tall; and though + the tea was a marvellous display it was never an obtrusive tea, it wasn't + poked at a fellow; a various plenty flowed well within reach of one's arm, + like an agreeable accompaniment to their conversation. + </p> + <p> + “What have you done? All sorts of brave things? Do you swim now? I can + swim. Oh! I can swim half a mile. Some day we will swim races together. + Why not? And you ride?... + </p> + <p> + “The horse bolted—and you stuck on? Did you squeak? I stick on, but + I HAVE to squeak. But you—of course, No! you mustn't. I'm just a + little woman. And I ride big horses....” + </p> + <p> + And for the end she had invented a characteristic little ceremony. + </p> + <p> + She would stand up in front of him and put her hands on his shoulders and + look into his face. + </p> + <p> + “Clean eyes?” she would say, “—still?” + </p> + <p> + Then she would take his ears in her little firm hands and kiss very + methodically his eyes and his forehead and his cheeks and at last his + lips. Her own eyes would suddenly brim bright with tears. + </p> + <p> + “GO,” she would say. + </p> + <p> + That was the end. + </p> + <p> + It seemed to Benham as though he was being let down out of a sunlit + fairyland to this grey world again. + </p> + <p> + 3 + </p> + <p> + The contrast between Lady Marayne's pretty amenities and the good woman at + Seagate who urged herself almost hourly to forget that William Porphyry + was not her own son, was entirely unfair. The second Mrs. Benham's + conscientious spirit and a certain handsome ability about her fitted her + far more than her predecessor for the onerous duties of a schoolmaster's + wife, but whatever natural buoyancy she possessed was outweighed by an + irrepressible conviction derived from an episcopal grandparent that the + remarriage of divorced persons is sinful, and by a secret but well-founded + doubt whether her husband loved her with a truly romantic passion. She + might perhaps have borne either of these troubles singly, but the two + crushed her spirit. + </p> + <p> + Her temperament was not one that goes out to meet happiness. She had + reluctant affections and suspected rather than welcomed the facility of + other people's. Her susceptibility to disagreeable impressions was however + very ample, and life was fenced about with protections for her “feelings.” + It filled young Benham with inexpressible indignations that his sweet own + mother, so gay, so brightly cheerful that even her tears were stars, was + never to be mentioned in his stepmother's presence, and it was not until + he had fully come to years of reflection that he began to realize with + what honesty, kindness and patience this naturally not very happy lady had + nursed, protected, mended for and generally mothered him. + </p> + <p> + 4 + </p> + <p> + As Benham grew to look manly and bear himself with pride, his mother's + affection for him blossomed into a passion. She made him come down to + London from Cambridge as often as she could; she went about with him; she + made him squire her to theatres and take her out to dinners and sup with + her at the Carlton, and in the summer she had him with her at Chexington + Manor, the Hertfordshire house Sir Godfrey had given her. And always when + they parted she looked into his eyes to see if they were still clean—whatever + she meant by that—and she kissed his forehead and cheeks and eyes + and lips. She began to make schemes for his career, she contrived + introductions she judged would be useful to him later. + </p> + <p> + Everybody found the relationship charming. Some of the more conscientious + people, it is true, pretended to think that the Reverend Harold Benham was + a first husband and long since dead, but that was all. As a matter of + fact, in his increasingly futile way he wasn't, either at Seagate or in + the Educational Supplement of the TIMES. But even the most conscientious + of us are not obliged to go to Seagate or read the Educational Supplement + of the TIMES. + </p> + <p> + Lady Marayne's plans for her son's future varied very pleasantly. She was + an industrious reader of biographies, and more particularly of the large + fair biographies of the recently contemporary; they mentioned people she + knew, they recalled scenes, each sowed its imaginative crop upon her mind, + a crop that flourished and flowered until a newer growth came to oust it. + She saw her son a diplomat, a prancing pro-consul, an empire builder, a + trusted friend of the august, the bold leader of new movements, the + saviour of ancient institutions, the youngest, brightest, modernest of + prime ministers—or a tremendously popular poet. As a rule she saw + him unmarried—with a wonderful little mother at his elbow. Sometimes + in romantic flashes he was adored by German princesses or eloped with + Russian grand-duchesses! But such fancies were HORS D'OEUVRE. The modern + biography deals with the career. Every project was bright, every project + had GO—tremendous go. And they all demanded a hero, debonnaire and + balanced. And Benham, as she began to perceive, wasn't balanced. Something + of his father had crept into him, a touch of moral stiffness. She knew the + flavour of that so well. It was a stumbling, an elaboration, a spoil-sport + and weakness. She tried not to admit to herself that even in the faintest + degree it was there. But it was there. + </p> + <p> + “Tell me all that you are doing NOW,” she said to him one afternoon when + she had got him to herself during his first visit to Chexington Manor. + “How do you like Cambridge? Are you making friends? Have you joined that + thing—the Union, is it?—and delivered your maiden speech? If + you're for politics, Poff, that's your game. Have you begun it?” + </p> + <p> + She lay among splashes of sunshine on the red cushions in the punt, a + little curled-up figure of white, with her sweet pale animated face warmed + by the reflection of her red sunshade, and her eyes like little friendly + heavens. And he, lean, and unconsciously graceful, sat at her feet and + admired her beyond measure, and rejoiced that now at last they were going + to be ever so much together, and doubted if it would be possible ever to + love any other woman so much as he did her. + </p> + <p> + He tried to tell her of Cambridge and his friends and the undergraduate + life he was leading, but he found it difficult. All sorts of things that + seemed right and good at Trinity seemed out of drawing in the peculiar + atmosphere she created about her. All sorts of clumsiness and youthfulness + in himself and his associates he felt she wouldn't accept, couldn't + accept, that it would be wrong of her to accept. Before they could come + before her they must wear a bravery. He couldn't, for instance, tell her + how Billy Prothero, renouncing vanity and all social pretension, had worn + a straw hat into November and the last stages of decay, and how it had + been burnt by a special commission ceremonially in the great court. He + couldn't convey to her the long sessions of beer and tobacco and high + thinking that went on in Prothero's rooms into the small hours. A certain + Gothic greyness and flatness and muddiness through which the Cambridge + spirit struggles to its destiny, he concealed from her. What remained to + tell was—attenuated. He could not romance. So she tried to fill in + his jejune outlines. She tried to inspire a son who seemed most + unaccountably up to nothing. + </p> + <p> + “You must make good friends,” she said. “Isn't young Lord Breeze at your + college? His mother the other day told me he was. And Sir Freddy Quenton's + boy. And there are both the young Baptons at Cambridge.” + </p> + <p> + He knew one of the Baptons. + </p> + <p> + “Poff,” she said suddenly, “has it ever occurred to you what you are going + to do afterwards. Do you know you are going to be quite well off?” + </p> + <p> + Benham looked up with a faint embarrassment. “My father said something. He + was rather vague. It wasn't his affair—that kind of thing.” + </p> + <p> + “You will be quite well off,” she repeated, without any complicating + particulars. “You will be so well off that it will be possible for you to + do anything almost that you like in the world. Nothing will tie you. + Nothing....” + </p> + <p> + “But—HOW well off?” + </p> + <p> + “You will have several thousands a year.” + </p> + <p> + “Thousands?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes. Why not?” + </p> + <p> + “But—Mother, this is rather astounding.... Does this mean there are + estates somewhere, responsibilities?” + </p> + <p> + “It is just money. Investments.” + </p> + <p> + “You know, I've imagined—. I've thought always I should have to DO + something.” + </p> + <p> + “You MUST do something, Poff. But it needn't be for a living. The world is + yours without that. And so you see you've got to make plans. You've got to + know the sort of people who'll have things in their hands. You've got to + keep out of—holes and corners. You've got to think of Parliament and + abroad. There's the army, there's diplomacy. There's the Empire. You can + be a Cecil Rhodes if you like. You can be a Winston....” + </p> + <p> + 5 + </p> + <p> + Perhaps it was only the innate eagerness of Lady Marayne which made her + feel disappointed in her son's outlook upon life. He did not choose among + his glittering possibilities, he did not say what he was going to be, + proconsul, ambassador, statesman, for days. And he talked VAGUELY of + wanting to do something fine, but all in a fog. A boy of nearly nineteen + ought to have at least the beginnings of SAVOIR FAIRE. + </p> + <p> + Was he in the right set? Was he indeed in the right college? Trinity, by + his account, seemed a huge featureless place—and might he not + conceivably be LOST in it? In those big crowds one had to insist upon + oneself. Poff never insisted upon himself—except quite at the wrong + moment. And there was this Billy Prothero. BILLY! Like a goat or + something. People called William don't get their Christian name insisted + upon unless they are vulnerable somewhere. Any form of William stamps a + weakness, Willie, Willy, Will, Billy, Bill; it's a fearful handle for + one's friends. At any rate Poff had escaped that. But this Prothero! + </p> + <p> + “But who IS this Billy Prothero?” she asked one evening in the walled + garden. + </p> + <p> + “He was at Minchinghampton.” + </p> + <p> + “But who IS he? Who is his father? Where does he come from?” + </p> + <p> + Benham sought in his mind for a space. “I don't know,” he said at last. + Billy had always been rather reticent about his people. She demanded + descriptions. She demanded an account of Billy's furniture, Billy's + clothes, Billy's form of exercise. It dawned upon Benham that for some + inexplicable reason she was hostile to Billy. It was like the unmasking of + an ambuscade. He had talked a lot about Prothero's ideas and the + discussions of social reform and social service that went on in his rooms, + for Billy read at unknown times, and was open at all hours to any + argumentative caller. To Lady Marayne all ideas were obnoxious, a form of + fogging; all ideas, she held, were queer ideas. “And does he call himself + a Socialist?” she asked. “I THOUGHT he would.” + </p> + <p> + “Poff,” she cried suddenly, “you're not a SOCIALIST?” + </p> + <p> + “Such a vague term.” + </p> + <p> + “But these friends of yours—they seem to be ALL Socialists. Red ties + and everything complete.” + </p> + <p> + “They have ideas,” he evaded. He tried to express it better. “They give + one something to take hold of.” + </p> + <p> + She sat up stiffly on the garden-seat. She lifted her finger at him, very + seriously. “I hope,” she said with all her heart, “that you will have + nothing to do with such ideas. Nothing. SOCIALISM!” + </p> + <p> + “They make a case.” + </p> + <p> + “Pooh! Any one can make a case.” + </p> + <p> + “But—” + </p> + <p> + “There's no sense in them. What is the good of talking about upsetting + everything? Just disorder. How can one do anything then? You mustn't. You + mustn't. No. It's nonsense, little Poff. It's absurd. And you may spoil so + much.... I HATE the way you talk of it.... As if it wasn't all—absolutely—RUBBISH....” + </p> + <p> + She was earnest almost to the intonation of tears. + </p> + <p> + Why couldn't her son go straight for his ends, clear tangible ends, as she + had always done? This thinking about everything! She had never thought + about anything in all her life for more than half an hour—and it had + always turned out remarkably well. + </p> + <p> + Benham felt baffled. There was a pause. How on earth could he go on + telling her his ideas if this was how they were to be taken? + </p> + <p> + “I wish sometimes,” his mother said abruptly, with an unusually sharp note + in her voice, “that you wouldn't look quite so like your father.” + </p> + <p> + “But I'm NOT like my father!” said Benham puzzled. + </p> + <p> + “No,” she insisted, and with an air of appealing to his soberer reason, + “so why should you go LOOKING like him? That CONCERNED expression....” + </p> + <p> + She jumped to her feet. “Poff,” she said, “I want to go and see the + evening primroses pop. You and I are talking nonsense. THEY don't have + ideas anyhow. They just pop—as God meant them to do. What stupid + things we human beings are!” + </p> + <p> + Her philosophical moments were perhaps the most baffling of all. + </p> + <p> + 6 + </p> + <p> + Billy Prothero became the symbol in the mind of Lady Marayne for all that + disappointed her in Benham. He had to become the symbol, because she could + not think of complicated or abstract things, she had to make things + personal, and he was the only personality available. She fretted over his + existence for some days therefore (once she awakened and thought about him + in the night), and then suddenly she determined to grasp her nettle. She + decided to seize and obliterate this Prothero. He must come to Chexington + and be thoroughly and conclusively led on, examined, ransacked, shown up, + and disposed of for ever. At once. She was not quite clear how she meant + to do this, but she was quite resolved that it had to be done. Anything is + better than inaction. + </p> + <p> + There was a little difficulty about dates and engagements, but he came, + and through the season of expectation Benham, who was now for the first + time in contact with the feminine nature, was delighted at the apparent + change to cordiality. So that he talked of Billy to his mother much more + than he had ever done before. + </p> + <p> + Billy had been his particular friend at Minchinghampton, at least during + the closing two years of his school life. Billy had fallen into friendship + with Benham, as some of us fall in love, quite suddenly, when he saw + Benham get down from the fence and be sick after his encounter with the + bull. Already Billy was excited by admiration, but it was the incongruity + of the sickness conquered him. He went back to the school with his hands + more than usually in his pockets, and no eyes for anything but this + remarkable strung-up fellow-creature. He felt he had never observed Benham + before, and he was astonished that he had not done so. + </p> + <p> + Billy Prothero was a sturdy sort of boy, generously wanting in good looks. + His hair was rough, and his complexion muddy, and he walked about with his + hands in his pockets, long flexible lips protruded in a whistle, and a + rather shapeless nose well up to show he didn't care. Providence had + sought to console him by giving him a keen eye for the absurdity of other + people. He had a suggestive tongue, and he professed and practised + cowardice to the scandal of all his acquaintances. He was said never to + wash behind his ears, but this report wronged him. There had been a time + when he did not do so, but his mother had won him to a promise, and now + that operation was often the sum of his simple hasty toilet. His desire to + associate himself with Benham was so strong that it triumphed over a + defensive reserve. It enabled him to detect accessible moments, do + inobtrusive friendly services, and above all amuse his quarry. He not only + amused Benham, he stimulated him. They came to do quite a number of things + together. In the language of schoolboy stories they became “inseparables.” + </p> + <p> + Prothero's first desire, so soon as they were on a footing that enabled + him to formulate desires, was to know exactly what Benham thought he was + up to in crossing a field with a bull in it instead of going round, and by + the time he began to understand that, he had conceived an affection for + him that was to last a lifetime. + </p> + <p> + “I wasn't going to be bullied by a beast,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + “Suppose it had been an elephant?” Prothero cried.... “A mad elephant?... + A pack of wolves?” + </p> + <p> + Benham was too honest not to see that he was entangled. “Well, suppose in + YOUR case it had been a wild cat?... A fierce mastiff?... A mastiff?... A + terrier?... A lap dog?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, but my case is that there are limits.” + </p> + <p> + Benham was impatient at the idea of limits. With a faintly malicious + pleasure Prothero lugged him back to that idea. + </p> + <p> + “We both admit there are limits,” Prothero concluded. “But between the + absolutely impossible and the altogether possible there's the region of + risk. You think a man ought to take that risk—” He reflected. “I + think—no—I think NOT.” + </p> + <p> + “If he feels afraid,” cried Benham, seeing his one point. “If he feels + afraid. Then he ought to take it....” + </p> + <p> + After a digestive interval, Prothero asked, “WHY? Why should he?” + </p> + <p> + The discussion of that momentous question, that Why? which Benham perhaps + might never have dared ask himself, and which Prothero perhaps might never + have attempted to answer if it had not been for the clash of their minds, + was the chief topic of their conversation for many months. From Why be + brave? it spread readily enough to Why be honest? Why be clean?—all + the great whys of life.... Because one believes.... But why believe it? + Left to himself Benham would have felt the mere asking of this question + was a thing ignoble, not to be tolerated. It was, as it were, treason to + nobility. But Prothero put it one afternoon in a way that permitted no + high dismissal of their doubts. “You can't build your honour on fudge, + Benham. Like committing sacrilege—in order to buy a cloth for the + altar.” + </p> + <p> + By that Benham was slipped from the recognized code and launched upon + speculations which became the magnificent research. + </p> + <p> + It was not only in complexion and stature and ways of thinking that Billy + and Benham contrasted. Benham inclined a little to eloquence, he liked + very clean hands, he had a dread of ridiculous outlines. Prothero lapsed + readily into ostentatious slovenliness, when his hands were dirty he + pitied them sooner than scrubbed them, he would have worn an overcoat with + one tail torn off rather than have gone cold. Moreover, Prothero had an + earthy liking for animals, he could stroke and tickle strange cats until + they wanted to leave father and mother and all earthly possessions and + follow after him, and he mortgaged a term's pocket money and bought and + kept a small terrier in the school house against all law and tradition, + under the baseless pretence that it was a stray animal of unknown origin. + Benham, on the other hand, was shy with small animals and faintly hostile + to big ones. Beasts he thought were just beasts. And Prothero had a gift + for caricature, while Benham's aptitude was for music. + </p> + <p> + It was Prothero's eyes and pencil that first directed Benham to the poor + indolences and evasions and insincerities of the masters. It was + Prothero's wicked pictures that made him see the shrivelled absurdity of + the vulgar theology. But it was Benham who stood between Prothero and that + rather coarsely conceived epicureanism that seemed his logical destiny. + When quite early in their Cambridge days Prothero's revolt against foppery + reached a nadir of personal neglect, and two philanthropists from the + rooms below him, goaded beyond the normal tolerance of Trinity, and + assisted by two sportsmen from Trinity Hall, burnt his misshapen straw hat + (after partly filling it with gunpowder and iron filings) and sought to + duck him in the fountain in the court, it was Benham, in a state between + distress and madness, and armed with a horn-handled cane of exceptional + size, who intervened, turned the business into a blend of wrangle and + scuffle, introduced the degrading topic of duelling into a simple + wholesome rag of four against one, carried him off under the cloud of + horror created by this impropriety and so saved him, still only slightly + wetted, not only from this indignity but from the experiment in + rationalism that had provoked it. + </p> + <p> + Because Benham made it perfectly clear what he had thought and felt about + this hat. + </p> + <p> + Such was the illuminating young man whom Lady Marayne decided to invite to + Chexington, into the neighbourhood of herself, Sir Godfrey, and her circle + of friends. + </p> + <p> + 7 + </p> + <p> + He was quite anxious to satisfy the requirements of Benham's people and to + do his friend credit. He was still in the phase of being a penitent pig, + and he inquired carefully into the needs and duties of a summer guest in a + country house. He knew it was quite a considerable country house, and that + Sir Godfrey wasn't Benham's father, but like most people, he was persuaded + that Lady Marayne had divorced the parental Benham. He arrived dressed + very neatly in a brown suit that had only one fault, it had not the + remotest suggestion of having been made for him. It fitted his body fairly + well, it did annex his body with only a few slight incompatibilities, but + it repudiated his hands and face. He had a conspicuously old Gladstone bag + and a conspicuously new despatch case, and he had forgotten black ties and + dress socks and a hair brush. He arrived in the late afternoon, was met by + Benham, in tennis flannels, looking smartened up and a little unfamiliar, + and taken off in a spirited dog-cart driven by a typical groom. He met his + host and hostess at dinner. + </p> + <p> + Sir Godfrey was a rationalist and a residuum. Very much of him, too much + perhaps, had gone into the acquirement and perfect performance of the + caecal operation; the man one met in the social world was what was left + over. It had the effect of being quiet, but in its unobtrusive way knobby. + He had a knobby brow, with an air about it of having recently been intent, + and his conversation was curiously spotted with little knobby arrested + anecdotes. If any one of any distinction was named, he would reflect and + say, “Of course,—ah, yes, I know him, I know him. Yes, I did him a + little service—in '96.” + </p> + <p> + And something in his manner would suggest a satisfaction, or a + dissatisfaction with confidential mysteries. + </p> + <p> + He welcomed Billy Prothero in a colourless manner, and made conversation + about Cambridge. He had known one or two of the higher dons. One he had + done at Cambridge quite recently. “The inns are better than they are at + Oxford, which is not saying very much, but the place struck me as being + changed. The men seemed younger....” + </p> + <p> + The burden of the conversation fell upon Lady Marayne. She looked + extraordinarily like a flower to Billy, a little diamond buckle on a black + velvet band glittered between the two masses of butter-coloured hair that + flowed back from her forehead, her head was poised on the prettiest neck + conceivable, and her shapely little shoulders and her shapely little arms + came decidedly but pleasantly out of a softness and sparkle of white and + silver and old rose. She talked what sounded like innocent commonplaces a + little spiced by whim, though indeed each remark had an exploratory + quality, and her soft blue eyes rested ever and again upon Billy's white + tie. It seemed she did so by the merest inadvertency, but it made the + young man wish he had after all borrowed a black one from Benham. But the + manservant who had put his things out had put it out, and he hadn't been + quite sure. Also she noted all the little things he did with fork and + spoon and glass. She gave him an unusual sense of being brightly, + accurately and completely visible. + </p> + <p> + Chexington, it seemed to Billy, was done with a large and costly and easy + completeness. The table with its silver and flowers was much more + beautifully done than any table he had sat at before, and in the dimness + beyond the brightness there were two men to wait on the four of them. The + old grey butler was really wonderfully good.... + </p> + <p> + “You shoot, Mr. Prothero?” + </p> + <p> + “You hunt, Mr. Prothero?” + </p> + <p> + “You know Scotland well, Mr. Prothero?” + </p> + <p> + These questions disturbed Prothero. He did not shoot, he did not hunt, he + did not go to Scotland for the grouse, he did not belong, and Lady Marayne + ought to have seen that he did not belong to the class that does these + things. + </p> + <p> + “You ride much, Mr. Prothero?” + </p> + <p> + Billy conceived a suspicion that these innocent inquiries were designed to + emphasize a contrast in his social quality. But he could not be sure. One + never could be sure with Lady Marayne. It might be just that she did not + understand the sort of man he was. And in that case ought he to maintain + the smooth social surface unbroken by pretending as far as possible to be + this kind of person, or ought he to make a sudden gap in it by telling his + realities. He evaded the shooting question anyhow. He left it open for + Lady Marayne and the venerable butler and Sir Godfrey and every one to + suppose he just happened to be the sort of gentleman of leisure who + doesn't shoot. He disavowed hunting, he made it appear he travelled when + he travelled in directions other than Scotland. But the fourth question + brought him to bay. He regarded his questioner with his small rufous eye. + </p> + <p> + “I have never been across a horse in my life, Lady Marayne.” + </p> + <p> + “Tut, tut,” said Sir Godfrey. “Why!—it's the best of exercise. Every + man ought to ride. Good for the health. Keeps him fit. Prevents lodgments. + Most trouble due to lodgments.” + </p> + <p> + “I've never had a chance of riding. And I think I'm afraid of horses.” + </p> + <p> + “That's only an excuse,” said Lady Marayne. “Everybody's afraid of horses + and nobody's really afraid of horses.” + </p> + <p> + “But I'm not used to horses. You see—I live on my mother. And she + can't afford to keep a stable.” + </p> + <p> + His hostess did not see his expression of discomfort. Her pretty eyes were + intent upon the peas with which she was being served. + </p> + <p> + “Does your mother live in the country?” she asked, and took her peas with + fastidious exactness. + </p> + <p> + Prothero coloured brightly. “She lives in London.” + </p> + <p> + “All the year?” + </p> + <p> + “All the year.” + </p> + <p> + “But isn't it dreadfully hot in town in the summer?” + </p> + <p> + Prothero had an uncomfortable sense of being very red in the face. This + kept him red. “We're suburban people,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “But I thought—isn't there the seaside?” + </p> + <p> + “My mother has a business,” said Prothero, redder than ever. + </p> + <p> + “O-oh!” said Lady Marayne. “What fun that must be for her?” + </p> + <p> + “It's a real business, and she has to live by it. Sometimes it's a worry.” + </p> + <p> + “But a business of her own!” She surveyed the confusion of his visage with + a sweet intelligence. “Is it an amusing sort of business, Mr. Prothero?” + </p> + <p> + Prothero looked mulish. “My mother is a dressmaker,” he said. “In Brixton. + She doesn't do particularly badly—or well. I live on my scholarship. + I have lived on scholarships since I was thirteen. And you see, Lady + Marayne, Brixton is a poor hunting country.” + </p> + <p> + Lady Marayne felt she had unmasked Prothero almost indecently. Whatever + happened there must be no pause. There must be no sign of a hitch. + </p> + <p> + “But it's good at tennis,” she said. “You DO play tennis, Mr. Prothero?” + </p> + <p> + “I—I gesticulate,” said Prothero. + </p> + <p> + Lady Marayne, still in flight from that pause, went off at a tangent. + </p> + <p> + “Poff, my dear,” she said, “I've had a diving-board put at the deep end of + the pond.” + </p> + <p> + The remark hung unanswered for a moment. The transition had been too quick + for Benham's state of mind. + </p> + <p> + “Do you swim, Mr. Prothero?” the lady asked, though a moment before she + had determined that she would never ask him a question again. But this + time it was a lucky question. + </p> + <p> + “Prothero mopped up the lot of us at Minchinghampton with his diving and + swimming,” Benham explained, and the tension was relaxed. + </p> + <p> + Lady Marayne spoke of her own swimming, and became daring and amusing at + her difficulties with local feeling when first she swam in the pond. The + high road ran along the far side of the pond—“And it didn't wear a + hedge or anything,” said Lady Marayne. “That was what they didn't quite + like. Swimming in an undraped pond....” + </p> + <p> + Prothero had been examined enough. Now he must be entertained. She told + stories about the village people in her brightest manner. The third story + she regretted as soon as she was fairly launched upon it; it was how she + had interviewed the village dressmaker, when Sir Godfrey insisted upon her + supporting local industries. It was very amusing but technical. The devil + had put it into her head. She had to go through with it. She infused an + extreme innocence into her eyes and fixed them on Prothero, although she + felt a certain deepening pinkness in her cheeks was betraying her, and she + did not look at Benham until her unhappy, but otherwise quite amusing + anecdote, was dead and gone and safely buried under another.... + </p> + <p> + But people ought not to go about having dressmakers for mothers.... + </p> + <p> + And coming into other people's houses and influencing their sons.... + </p> + <p> + 8 + </p> + <p> + That night when everything was over Billy sat at the writing-table of his + sumptuous bedroom—the bed was gilt wood, the curtains of the three + great windows were tremendous, and there was a cheval glass that showed + the full length of him and seemed to look over his head for more,—and + meditated upon this visit of his. It was more than he had been prepared + for. It was going to be a great strain. The sleek young manservant in an + alpaca jacket, who said “Sir” whenever you looked at him, and who had + seized upon and unpacked Billy's most private Gladstone bag without even + asking if he might do so, and put away and displayed Billy's things in a + way that struck Billy as faintly ironical, was unexpected. And it was + unexpected that the brown suit, with its pockets stuffed with Billy's + personal and confidential sundries, had vanished. And apparently a bath in + a bathroom far down the corridor was prescribed for him in the morning; he + hadn't thought of a dressing-gown. And after one had dressed, what did one + do? Did one go down and wander about the house looking for the + breakfast-room or wait for a gong? Would Sir Godfrey read Family Prayers? + And afterwards did one go out or hang about to be entertained? He knew now + quite clearly that those wicked blue eyes would mark his every slip. She + did not like him. She did not like him, he supposed, because he was common + stuff. He didn't play up to her world and her. He was a discord in this + rich, cleverly elaborate household. You could see it in the servants' + attitudes. And he was committed to a week of this. + </p> + <p> + Billy puffed out his cheeks to blow a sigh, and then decided to be angry + and say “Damn!” + </p> + <p> + This way of living which made him uncomfortable was clearly an irrational + and objectionable way of living. It was, in a cumbersome way, luxurious. + But the waste of life of it, the servants, the observances, all + concentrated on the mere detail of existence? There came a rap at the + door. Benham appeared, wearing an expensive-looking dressing-jacket which + Lady Marayne had bought for him. He asked if he might talk for a bit and + smoke. He sat down in a capacious chintz-covered easy chair beside + Prothero, lit a cigarette, and came to the point after only a trivial + hesitation. + </p> + <p> + “Prothero,” he said, “you know what my father is.” + </p> + <p> + “I thought he ran a preparatory school.” + </p> + <p> + There was the profoundest resentment in Prothero's voice. + </p> + <p> + “And, all the same, I'm going to be a rich man.” + </p> + <p> + “I don't understand,” said Prothero, without any shadow of congratulation. + </p> + <p> + Benham told Prothero as much as his mother had conveyed to him of the + resources of his wealth. Her version had been adapted to his tender years + and the delicacies of her position. The departed Nolan had become an + eccentric godfather. Benham's manner was apologetic, and he made it clear + that only recently had these facts come to him. He had never suspected + that he had had this eccentric godfather. It altered the outlook + tremendously. It was one of the reasons that made Benham glad to have + Prothero there, one wanted a man of one's own age, who understood things a + little, to try over one's new ideas. Prothero listened with an unamiable + expression. + </p> + <p> + “What would you do, Prothero, if you found yourself saddled with some + thousands a year?” + </p> + <p> + “Godfathers don't grow in Brixton,” said Prothero concisely. + </p> + <p> + “Well, what am I to do, Prothero?” + </p> + <p> + “Does all THIS belong to you?” + </p> + <p> + “No, this is my mother's.” + </p> + <p> + “Godfather too?” + </p> + <p> + “I've not thought.... I suppose so. Or her own.” + </p> + <p> + Prothero meditated. + </p> + <p> + “THIS life,” he said at last, “this large expensiveness—...” + </p> + <p> + He left his criticism unfinished. + </p> + <p> + “I agree. It suits my mother somehow. I can't understand her living in any + other way. But—for me....” + </p> + <p> + “What can one do with several thousands a year?” + </p> + <p> + Prothero's interest in this question presently swamped his petty personal + resentments. “I suppose,” he said, “one might have rather a lark with + money like that. One would be free to go anywhere. To set all sorts of + things going.... It's clear you can't sell all you have and give it to the + poor. That is pauperization nowadays. You might run a tremendously + revolutionary paper. A real upsetting paper. How many thousands is it?” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know. SOME.” + </p> + <p> + Prothero's interest was growing as he faced the possibilities. + </p> + <p> + “I've dreamt of a paper,” he said, “a paper that should tell the brute + truth about things.” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know that I'm particularly built to be a journalist,” Benham + objected. + </p> + <p> + “You're not,” said Billy.... “You might go into Parliament as a perfectly + independent member.... Only you wouldn't get in....” + </p> + <p> + “I'm not a speaker,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + “Of course,” said Billy, “if you don't decide on a game, you'll just go on + like this. You'll fall into a groove, you'll—you'll hunt. You'll go + to Scotland for the grouse.” + </p> + <p> + For the moment Prothero had no further suggestions. + </p> + <p> + Benham waited for a second or so before he broached his own idea. + </p> + <p> + “Why, first of all, at any rate, Billy, shouldn't one use one's money to + make the best of oneself? To learn things that men without money and + leisure find it difficult to learn? By an accident, however unjust it is, + one is in the position of a leader and a privileged person. Why not do + one's best to give value as that?” + </p> + <p> + “Benham, that's the thin end of aristocracy!” + </p> + <p> + “Why not?” + </p> + <p> + “I hate aristocracy. For you it means doing what you like. While you are + energetic you will kick about and then you will come back to this.” + </p> + <p> + “That's one's own look-out,” said Benham, after reflection. + </p> + <p> + “No, it's bound to happen.” + </p> + <p> + Benham retreated a little from the immediate question. + </p> + <p> + “Well, we can't suddenly at a blow change the world. If it isn't to be + plutocracy to-day it has to be aristocracy.” + </p> + <p> + Prothero frowned over this, and then he made a sweeping proposition. + </p> + <p> + “YOU CANNOT HAVE ARISTOCRACY,” he said, “BECAUSE, YOU SEE—ALL MEN + ARE RIDICULOUS. Democracy has to fight its way out from under plutocracy. + There is nothing else to be done.” + </p> + <p> + “But a man in my position—?” + </p> + <p> + “It's a ridiculous position. You may try to escape being ridiculous. You + won't succeed.” + </p> + <p> + It seemed to Benham for a moment as though Prothero had got to the bottom + of the question, and then he perceived that he had only got to the bottom + of himself. Benham was pacing the floor. + </p> + <p> + He turned at the open window, held out a long forefinger, and uttered his + countervailing faith. + </p> + <p> + “Even if he is ridiculous, Prothero, a man may still be an aristocrat. A + man may anyhow be as much of an aristocrat as he can be.” + </p> + <p> + Prothero reflected. “No,” he said, “it sounds all right, but it's wrong. I + hate all these advantages and differences and distinctions. A man's a man. + What you say sounds well, but it's the beginning of pretension, of pride—” + </p> + <p> + He stopped short. + </p> + <p> + “Better, pride than dishonour,” said Benham, “better the pretentious life + than the sordid life. What else is there?” + </p> + <p> + “A life isn't necessarily sordid because it isn't pretentious,” said + Prothero, his voice betraying a defensive disposition. + </p> + <p> + “But a life with a large income MUST be sordid unless it makes some sort + of attempt to be fine....” + </p> + <p> + 9 + </p> + <p> + By transitions that were as natural as they were complicated and + untraceable Prothero found his visit to Chexington developing into a + tangle of discussions that all ultimately resolved themselves into an + antagonism of the democratic and the aristocratic idea. And his part was, + he found, to be the exponent of the democratic idea. The next day he came + down early, his talk with Benham still running through his head, and after + a turn or so in the garden he was attracted to the front door by a sound + of voices, and found Lady Marayne had been up still earlier and was + dismounting from a large effective black horse. This extorted an unwilling + admiration from him. She greeted him very pleasantly and made a kind of + introduction of her steed. There had been trouble at a gate, he was a + young horse and fidgeted at gates; the dispute was still bright in her. + Benham she declared was still in bed. “Wait till I have a mount for him.” + She reappeared fitfully in the breakfast-room, and then he was left to + Benham until just before lunch. They read and afterwards, as the summer + day grew hot, they swam in the nude pond. She joined them in the water, + splashing about in a costume of some elaboration and being very careful + not to wet her hair. Then she came and sat with them on the seat under the + big cedar and talked with them in a wrap that was pretty rather than + prudish and entirely unmotherly. And she began a fresh attack upon him by + asking him if he wasn't a Socialist and whether he didn't want to pull + down Chexington and grow potatoes all over the park. + </p> + <p> + This struck Prothero as an inadequate statement of the Socialist project + and he made an unsuccessful attempt to get it amended. + </p> + <p> + The engagement thus opened was renewed with great energy at lunch. Sir + Godfrey had returned to London and the inmost aspect of his + fellow-creatures, but the party of three was supplemented by a vague young + lady from the village and an alert agent from the neighbouring Tentington + estate who had intentions about a cottage. Lady Marayne insisted upon + regarding Socialism as a proposal to reinaugurate the first French + Revolution, as an inversion of society so that it would be bottom upward, + as an attack upon rule, order, direction. “And what good are all these + proposals? If you had the poor dear king beheaded, you'd only get a + Napoleon. If you divided all the property up between everybody, you'd have + rich and poor again in a year.” + </p> + <p> + Billy perceived no way of explaining away this version of his Socialism + that would not involve uncivil contradictions—and nobody ever + contradicted Lady Marayne. + </p> + <p> + “But, Lady Marayne, don't you think there is a lot of disorder and + injustice in the world?” he protested. + </p> + <p> + “There would be ever so much more if your Socialists had their way.” + </p> + <p> + “But still, don't you think—...” + </p> + <p> + It is unnecessary even to recapitulate these universal controversies of + our time. The lunch-table and the dinner-table and the general talk of the + house drifted more and more definitely at its own level in the same + direction as the private talk of Prothero and Benham, towards the + antagonism of the privileged few and the many, of the trained and + traditioned against the natural and undisciplined, of aristocracy against + democracy. At the week-end Sir Godfrey returned to bring fresh elements. + He said that democracy was unscientific. “To deny aristocracy is to deny + the existence of the fittest. It is on the existence of the fittest that + progress depends.” + </p> + <p> + “But do our social conditions exalt the fittest?” asked Prothero. + </p> + <p> + “That is another question,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + “Exactly,” said Sir Godfrey. “That is another question. But speaking with + some special knowledge, I should say that on the whole the people who are + on the top of things OUGHT to be on the top of things. I agree with + Aristotle that there is such a thing as a natural inferior.” + </p> + <p> + “So far as I can understand Mr. Prothero,” said Lady Marayne, “he thinks + that all the inferiors are the superiors and all the superiors inferior. + It's quite simple....” + </p> + <p> + It made Prothero none the less indignant with this, that there was indeed + a grain of truth in it. He hated superiors, he felt for inferiors. + </p> + <p> + 10 + </p> + <p> + At last came the hour of tipping. An embarrassed and miserable Prothero + went slinking about the house distributing unexpected gold. + </p> + <p> + It was stupid, it was damnable; he had had to borrow the money from his + mother.... + </p> + <p> + Lady Marayne felt he had escaped her. The controversy that should have + split these two young men apart had given them a new interest in each + other. When afterwards she sounded her son, very delicately, to see if + indeed he was aware of the clumsiness, the social ignorance and + uneasiness, the complete unsuitability of his friend, she could get no + more from him than that exasperating phrase, “He has ideas!” + </p> + <p> + What are ideas? England may yet be ruined by ideas. + </p> + <p> + He ought never to have gone to Trinity, that monster packet of everything. + He ought to have gone to some little GOOD college, good all through. She + ought to have asked some one who KNEW. + </p> + <p> + 11 + </p> + <p> + One glowing afternoon in October, as these two young men came over + Magdalen Bridge after a long disputatious and rather tiring walk to + Drayton—they had been talking of Eugenics and the “family”—Benham + was almost knocked down by an American trotter driven by Lord Breeze. + “Whup there!” said Lord Breeze in a voice deliberately brutal, and Benham, + roused from that abstraction which is partly fatigue, had to jump aside + and stumbled against the parapet as the gaunt pacer went pounding by. + </p> + <p> + Lord Breeze grinned the sort of grin a man remembers. And passed. + </p> + <p> + “Damnation!” said Benham with a face that had become suddenly very white. + </p> + <p> + Then presently. “Any fool can do that who cares to go to the trouble.” + </p> + <p> + “That,” said Prothero, taking up their unquenchable issue, “that is the + feeling of democracy.” + </p> + <p> + “I walk because I choose to,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + The thing rankled. + </p> + <p> + “This equestrianism,” he began, “is a matter of time and money—time + even more than money. I want to read. I want to deal with ideas.... + </p> + <p> + “Any fool can drive....” + </p> + <p> + “Exactly,” said Prothero. + </p> + <p> + “As for riding, it means no more than the elaborate study and cultivation + of your horse. You have to know him. All horses are individuals. A made + horse perhaps goes its round like an omnibus, but for the rest....” + </p> + <p> + Prothero made a noise of sympathetic assent. + </p> + <p> + “In a country where equestrianism is assertion I suppose one must be + equestrian....” + </p> + <p> + That night some malignant spirit kept Benham awake, and great American + trotters with vast wide-striding feet and long yellow teeth, + uncontrollable, hard-mouthed American trotters, pounded over his angry + soul. + </p> + <p> + “Prothero,” he said in hall next day, “we are going to drive to-morrow.” + </p> + <p> + Next day, so soon as they had lunched, he led the way towards Maltby's, in + Crosshampton Lane. Something in his bearing put a question into Prothero's + mind. “Benham,” he asked, “have you ever driven before?” + </p> + <p> + “NEVER,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + “Well?” + </p> + <p> + “I'm going to now.” + </p> + <p> + Something between pleasure and alarm came into Prothero's eyes. He + quickened his pace so as to get alongside his friend and scrutinize his + pale determination. “Why are you doing this?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “I want to do it.” + </p> + <p> + “Benham, is it—EQUESTRIAN?” + </p> + <p> + Benham made no audible reply. They proceeded resolutely in silence. + </p> + <p> + An air of expectation prevailed in Maltby's yard. In the shafts of a high, + bleak-looking vehicle with vast side wheels, a throne-like vehicle that + impressed Billy Prothero as being a gig, a very large angular black horse + was being harnessed. + </p> + <p> + “This is mine,” said Benham compactly. + </p> + <p> + “This is yours, sir,” said an ostler. + </p> + <p> + “He looks—QUIET.” + </p> + <p> + “You'll find him fresh enough, sir.” + </p> + <p> + Benham made a complicated ascent to the driver's seat and was handed the + reins. “Come on,” he said, and Prothero followed to a less exalted seat at + Benham's side. They seemed to be at a very great height indeed. The horse + was then led out into Crosshampton Lane, faced towards Trinity Street and + discharged. “Check,” said Benham, and touched the steed with his whip. + They started quite well, and the ostlers went back into the yard, visibly + unanxious. It struck Prothero that perhaps driving was less difficult than + he had supposed. + </p> + <p> + They went along Crosshampton Lane, that high-walled gulley, with dignity, + with only a slight suggestion of the inaccuracy that was presently to + become apparent, until they met a little old bearded don on a bicycle. + Then some misunderstanding arose between Benham and the horse, and the + little bearded don was driven into the narrow pavement and had to get off + hastily. He made no comment, but his face became like a gargoyle. “Sorry,” + said Benham, and gave his mind to the corner. There was some difficulty + about whether they were to turn to the right or the left, but at last + Benham, it seemed, carried his point, and they went along the narrow + street, past the grey splendours of King's, and rather in the middle of + the way. + </p> + <p> + Prothero considered the beast in front of him, and how proud and + disrespectful a horse in a dogcart can seem to those behind it! Moreover, + unaccustomed as he was to horses, he was struck by the strong resemblance + a bird's-eye view of a horse bears to a fiddle, a fiddle with devil's + ears. + </p> + <p> + “Of course,” said Prothero, “this isn't a trotter.” + </p> + <p> + “I couldn't get a trotter,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + “I thought I would try this sort of thing before I tried a trotter,” he + added. + </p> + <p> + And then suddenly came disaster. + </p> + <p> + There was a butcher's cart on the right, and Benham, mistrusting the + intelligence of his steed, insisted upon an excessive amplitude of + clearance. He did not reckon with the hand-barrow on his left, piled up + with dirty plates from the lunch of Trinity Hall. It had been left there; + its custodian was away upon some mysterious errand. Heaven knows why + Trinity Hall exhibited the treasures of its crockery thus stained and + deified in the Cambridge streets. But it did—for Benham's and + Prothero's undoing. Prothero saw the great wheel over which he was poised + entangle itself with the little wheel of the barrow. “God!” he whispered, + and craned, fascinated. The little wheel was manifestly intrigued beyond + all self-control by the great wheel; it clung to it, it went before it, + heedless of the barrow, of which it was an inseparable part. The barrow + came about with an appearance of unwillingness, it locked against the + great wheel; it reared itself towards Prothero and began, smash, smash, + smash, to shed its higher plates. It was clear that Benham was grappling + with a crisis upon a basis of inadequate experience. A number of people + shouted haphazard things. Then, too late, the barrow had persuaded the + little wheel to give up its fancy for the great wheel, and there was an + enormous crash. + </p> + <p> + “Whoa!” cried Benham. “Whoa!” but also, unfortunately, he sawed hard at + the horse's mouth. + </p> + <p> + The animal, being in some perplexity, danced a little in the narrow + street, and then it had come about and it was backing, backing, on the + narrow pavement and towards the plate-glass window of a book and newspaper + shop. Benham tugged at its mouth much harder than ever. Prothero saw the + window bending under the pressure of the wheel. A sense of the profound + seriousness of life and of the folly of this expedition came upon him. + With extreme nimbleness he got down just as the window burst. It went with + an explosion like a pistol shot, and then a clatter of falling glass. + People sprang, it seemed, from nowhere, and jostled about Prothero, so + that he became a peripheral figure in the discussion. He perceived that a + man in a green apron was holding the horse, and that various people were + engaged in simultaneous conversation with Benham, who with a pale serenity + of face and an awful calm of manner, dealt with each of them in turn. + </p> + <p> + “I'm sorry,” he was saying. “Somebody ought to have been in charge of the + barrow. Here are my cards. I am ready to pay for any damage.... + </p> + <p> + “The barrow ought not to have been there.... + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I am going on. Of course I'm going on. Thank you.” + </p> + <p> + He beckoned to the man who had held the horse and handed him half-a-crown. + He glanced at Prothero as one might glance at a stranger. “Check!” he + said. The horse went on gravely. Benham lifted out his whip. He appeared + to have clean forgotten Prothero. Perhaps presently he would miss him. He + went on past Trinity, past the ruddy brick of St. John's. The curve of the + street hid him from Prothero's eyes. + </p> + <p> + Prothero started in pursuit. He glimpsed the dog-cart turning into Bridge + Street. He had an impression that Benham used the whip at the corner, and + that the dog-cart went forward out of sight with a startled jerk. Prothero + quickened his pace. + </p> + <p> + But when he got to the fork between the Huntingdon Road and the Cottenham + Road, both roads were clear. + </p> + <p> + He spent some time in hesitation. Then he went along the Huntingdon Road + until he came upon a road-mender, and learnt that Benham had passed that + way. “Going pretty fast 'e was,” said the road-mender, “and whipping 'is + 'orse. Else you might 'a thought 'e was a boltin' with 'im.” Prothero + decided that if Benham came back at all he would return by way of + Cottenham, and it was on the Cottenham Road that at last he encountered + his friend again. + </p> + <p> + Benham was coming along at that good pace which all experienced horses + when they are fairly turned back towards Cambridge display. And there was + something odd about Benham, as though he had a large circular halo with a + thick rim. This, it seemed, had replaced his hat. He was certainly + hatless. The warm light of the sinking sun shone upon the horse and upon + Benham's erect figure and upon his face, and gleams of fire kept flashing + from his head to this rim, like the gleam of drawn swords seen from afar. + As he drew nearer this halo detached itself from him and became a wheel + sticking up behind him. A large, clumsy-looking bicycle was attached to + the dog-cart behind. The expression of Benham's golden face was still a + stony expression; he regarded his friend with hard eyes. + </p> + <p> + “You all right, Benham?” cried Prothero, advancing into the road. + </p> + <p> + His eye examined the horse. It looked all right, if anything it was a + trifle subdued; there was a little foam about its mouth, but not very + much. + </p> + <p> + “Whoa!” said Benham, and the horse stopped. “Are you coming up, Prothero?” + </p> + <p> + Prothero clambered up beside him. “I was anxious,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “There was no need to be.” + </p> + <p> + “You've broken your whip.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes. It broke.... GET up!” + </p> + <p> + They proceeded on their way to Cambridge. + </p> + <p> + “Something has happened to the wheel,” said Prothero, trying to be at his + ease. + </p> + <p> + “Merely a splinter or so. And a spoke perhaps.” + </p> + <p> + “And what is this behind?” + </p> + <p> + Benham made a half-turn of the head. “It's a motor-bicycle.” + </p> + <p> + Prothero took in details. + </p> + <p> + “Some of it is missing.” + </p> + <p> + “No, the front wheel is under the seat.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” + </p> + <p> + “Did you find it?” Prothero asked, after an interval. + </p> + <p> + “You mean?” + </p> + <p> + “He ran into a motor-car—as I was passing. I was perhaps a little to + blame. He asked me to bring his machine to Cambridge. He went on in the + car.... It is all perfectly simple.” + </p> + <p> + Prothero glanced at the splinters in the wheel with a renewed interest. + </p> + <p> + “Did your wheel get into it?” he asked. Benham affected not to hear. He + was evidently in no mood for story-telling. + </p> + <p> + “Why did you get down, Prothero?” he asked abruptly, with the note of + suppressed anger thickening his voice. + </p> + <p> + Prothero became vividly red. “I don't know,” he said, after an interval. + </p> + <p> + “I DO,” said Benham, and they went on in a rich and active silence to + Cambridge, and the bicycle repair shop in Bridge Street, and Trinity + College. At the gate of Trinity Benham stopped, and conveyed rather by + acts than words that Prothero was to descend. He got down meekly enough, + although he felt that the return to Maltby's yard might have many points + of interest. But the spirit had gone out of him. + </p> + <p> + 12 + </p> + <p> + For three days the two friends avoided each other, and then Prothero went + to Benham's room. Benham was smoking cigarettes—Lady Marayne, in the + first warmth of his filial devotion, had prohibited his pipe—and + reading Webb's INDUSTRIAL DEMOCRACY. “Hello!” he said coldly, scarcely + looking up, and continued to read that absorbing work. + </p> + <p> + “I keep on thinking how I jumped down from that damned dog-cart,” said + Prothero, without any preface. + </p> + <p> + “It didn't matter in the least,” said Benham distantly. + </p> + <p> + “Oh! ROT,” said Prothero. “I behaved like a coward.” + </p> + <p> + Benham shut his book. + </p> + <p> + “Benham,” said Prothero. “You are right about aristocracy, and I am wrong. + I've been thinking about it night and day.” + </p> + <p> + Benham betrayed no emotion. But his tone changed. “Billy,” he said, “there + are cigarettes and whiskey in the corner. Don't make a fuss about a + trifle.” + </p> + <p> + “No whiskey,” said Billy, and lit a cigarette. “And it isn't a trifle.” + </p> + <p> + He came to Benham's hearthrug. “That business,” he said, “has changed all + my views. No—don't say something polite! I see that if one hasn't + the habit of pride one is bound to get off a dogcart when it seems likely + to smash. You have the habit of pride, and I haven't. So far as the habit + of pride goes, I come over to the theory of aristocracy.” + </p> + <p> + Benham said nothing, but he put down Sidney and Beatrice Webb, and reached + out for and got and lit a cigarette. + </p> + <p> + “I give up 'Go as you please.' I give up the natural man. I admit + training. I perceive I am lax and flabby, unguarded, I funk too much, I + eat too much, and I drink too much. And, yet, what I have always liked in + you, Benham, is just this—that you don't.” + </p> + <p> + “I do,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + “Do what?” + </p> + <p> + “Funk.” + </p> + <p> + “Benham, I believe that naturally you funk as much as I do. You're more a + thing of nerves than I am, far more. But you keep yourself up to the mark, + and I have let myself get flabby. You're so right. You're so utterly + right. These last nights I've confessed it—aloud. I had an inkling + of it—after that rag. But now it's as clear as daylight. I don't + know if you mean to go on with me, after what's happened, but anyhow I + want you to know, whether you end our friendship or not—” + </p> + <p> + “Billy, don't be an old ass,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + Both young men paused for a moment. They made no demonstrations. But the + strain was at an end between them. + </p> + <p> + “I've thought it all out,” Billy went on with a sudden buoyancy. “We two + are both of the same kind of men. Only you see, Benham, you have a natural + pride and I haven't. You have pride. But we are both intellectuals. We + both belong to what the Russians call the Intelligentsia. We have ideas, + we have imagination, that is our strength. And that is our weakness. That + makes us moral light-weights. We are flimsy and uncertain people. All + intellectuals are flimsy and uncertain people. It's not only that they are + critical and fastidious; they are weak-handed. They look about them; their + attention wanders. Unless they have got a habit of controlling themselves + and forcing themselves and holding themselves together.” + </p> + <p> + “The habit of pride.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes. And then—then we are lords of the world.” + </p> + <p> + “All this, Billy,” said Benham, “I steadfastly believe.” + </p> + <p> + “I've seen it all now,” said Prothero. “Lord! how clearly I see it! The + intellectual is either a prince or he is a Greek slave in a Roman + household. He's got to hold his chin up or else he becomes—even as + these dons we see about us—a thing that talks appointments, a toady, + a port-wine bibber, a mass of detail, a conscious maker of neat sayings, a + growing belly under a dwindling brain. Their gladness is drink or + gratified vanity or gratified malice, their sorrow is indigestion or—old + maid's melancholy. They are the lords of the world who will not take the + sceptre.... And what I want to say to you, Benham, more than anything else + is, YOU go on—YOU make yourself equestrian. You drive your horse + against Breeze's, and go through the fire and swim in the ice-cold water + and climb the precipice and drink little and sleep hard. And—I wish + I could do so too.” + </p> + <p> + “But why not?” + </p> + <p> + “Because I can't. Now I admit I've got shame in my heart and pride in my + head, and I'm strung up. I might do something—this afternoon. But it + won't last. YOU—you have pride in your bones. My pride will vanish + at a laugh. My honour will go at a laugh. I'm just exalted by a crisis. + That's all. I'm an animal of intelligence. Soul and pride are weak in me. + My mouth waters, my cheek brightens, at the sight of good things. And I've + got a lickerish tail, Benham. You don't know. You don't begin to imagine. + I'm secretive. But I quiver with hot and stirring desires. And I'm + indolent—dirty indolent. Benham, there are days when I splash my + bath about without getting into it. There are days when I turn back from a + walk because there's a cow in the field.... But, I spare you the viler + details.... And it's that makes me hate fine people and try so earnestly + to persuade myself that any man is as good as any man, if not a trifle + better. Because I know it isn't so....” + </p> + <p> + “Billy,” said Benham, “you've the boldest mind that ever I met.” + </p> + <p> + Prothero's face lit with satisfaction. Then his countenance fell again. “I + know I'm better there,” he said, “and yet, see how I let in a whole system + of lies to cover my secret humiliations. There, at least, I will cling to + pride. I will at least THINK free and clean and high. But you can climb + higher than I can. You've got the grit to try and LIVE high. There you + are, Benham.” + </p> + <p> + Benham stuck one leg over the arm of his chair. “Billy,” he said, “come + and be—equestrian and stop this nonsense.” + </p> + <p> + “No.” + </p> + <p> + “Damn it—you DIVE!” + </p> + <p> + “You'd go in before me if a woman was drowning.” + </p> + <p> + “Nonsense. I'm going to ride. Come and ride too. You've a cleverer way + with animals than I have. Why! that horse I was driving the other day + would have gone better alone. I didn't drive it. I just fussed it. I + interfered. If I ride for ever, I shall never have decent hands, I shall + always hang on my horse's mouth at a gallop, I shall never be sure at a + jump. But at any rate I shall get hard. Come and get hard too.” + </p> + <p> + “You can,” said Billy, “you can. But not I! Heavens, the TROUBLE of it! + The riding-school! The getting up early! No!—for me the Trumpington + Road on foot in the afternoon. Four miles an hour and panting. And my + fellowship and the combination-room port. And, besides, Benham, there's + the expense. I can't afford the equestrian order.” + </p> + <p> + “It's not so great.” + </p> + <p> + “Not so great! I don't mean the essential expense. But—the + incidentals. I don't know whether any one can realize how a poor man is + hampered by the dread of minor catastrophes. It isn't so much that he is + afraid of breaking his neck, Benham, as that he is afraid of breaking + something he will have to pay for. For instance—. Benham! how much + did your little expedition the other day—?” + </p> + <p> + He stopped short and regarded his friend with round eyes and raised + eyebrows. + </p> + <p> + A reluctant grin overspread Benham's face. He was beginning to see the + humour of the affair. + </p> + <p> + “The claim for the motor-bicycle isn't sent in yet. The repair of the + mudguards of the car is in dispute. Trinity Hall's crockery, the + plate-glass window, the whip-lash and wheel and so forth, the hire of the + horse and trap, sundry gratuities.... I doubt if the total will come very + much under fifty pounds. And I seem to have lost a hat somewhere.” + </p> + <p> + Billy regarded his toes and cleared his throat. + </p> + <p> + “Depending as I do on a widowed mother in Brixton for all the expenditure + that isn't covered by my pot-hunting—” + </p> + <p> + “Of course,” said Benham, “it wasn't a fair sample afternoon.” + </p> + <p> + “Still—” + </p> + <p> + “There's footer,” said Benham, “we might both play footer.” + </p> + <p> + “Or boxing.” + </p> + <p> + “And, anyhow, you must come with me when I drive again. I'm going to start + a trotter.” + </p> + <p> + “If I miss another drive may I be—lost for ever,” said Billy, with + the utmost sincerity. “Never more will I get down, Benham, wherever you + may take me. Short of muffing my fellowship I'm with you always.... Will + it be an American trotter?” + </p> + <p> + “It will be the rawest, gauntest, ungainliest brute that ever scared the + motor-bicycles on the Northampton Road. It will have the legs and stride + of an ostrich. It will throw its feet out like dealing cards. It will lift + its head and look the sun in the eye like a vulture. It will have teeth + like the English spinster in a French comic paper.... And we will fly....” + </p> + <p> + “I shall enjoy it very much,” said Prothero in a small voice after an + interval for reflection. “I wonder where we shall fly. It will do us both + a lot of good. And I shall insure my life for a small amount in my + mother's interest.... Benham, I think I will, after all, take a + whiskey.... Life is short....” + </p> + <p> + He did so and Benham strolled to the window and stood looking out upon the + great court. + </p> + <p> + “We might do something this afternoon,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + “Splendid idea,” reflected Billy over his whiskey. “Living hard and + thinking hard. A sort of Intelligentsia that is BLOODED.... I shall, of + course, come as far as I can with you.” + </p> + <p> + 13 + </p> + <p> + In one of the bureau drawers that White in this capacity of literary + executor was examining, there were two documents that carried back right + to these early days. They were both products of this long wide + undergraduate argumentation that had played so large a part in the making + of Benham. One recorded the phase of maximum opposition, and one was the + outcome of the concluding approach of the antagonists. They were debating + club essays. One had been read to a club in Pembroke, a club called the + ENQUIRERS, of which White also had been a member, and as he turned it over + he found the circumstances of its reading coming back to his memory. He + had been present, and Carnac's share in the discussion with his shrill + voice and stumpy gestures would alone have sufficed to have made it a + memorable occasion. The later one had been read to the daughter club of + the ENQUIRERS, the SOCIAL ENQUIRERS, in the year after White had gone + down, and it was new to him. + </p> + <p> + Both these papers were folded flat and neatly docketed; they were rather + yellow and a little dog-eared, and with the outer sheet pencilled over + with puzzling or illegible scribblings, Benham's memoranda for his reply. + White took the earlier essay in his hand. At the head of the first page + was written in large letters, “Go slowly, speak to the man at the back.” + It brought up memories of his own experiences, of rows of gaslit faces, + and of a friendly helpful voice that said, “Speak up?” + </p> + <p> + Of course this was what happened to every intelligent contemporary, this + encounter with ideas, this restatement and ventilation of the old truths + and the old heresies. Only in this way does a man make a view his own, + only so does he incorporate it. These are our real turning points. The + significant, the essential moments in the life of any one worth + consideration are surely these moments when for the first time he faces + towards certain broad ideas and certain broad facts. Life nowadays + consists of adventures among generalizations. In class-rooms after the + lecture, in studies in the small hours, among books or during solitary + walks, the drama of the modern career begins. Suddenly a man sees his + line, his intention. Yet though we are all of us writing long novels—White's + world was the literary world, and that is how it looked to him—which + profess to set out the lives of men, this part of the journey, this + crucial passage among the Sphinxes, is still done—when it is done at + all—slightly, evasively. Why? + </p> + <p> + White fell back on his professionalism. “It does not make a book. It makes + a novel into a treatise, it turns it into a dissertation.” + </p> + <p> + But even as White said this to himself he knew it was wrong, and it slid + out of his thoughts again. Was not this objection to the play of ideas + merely the expression of that conservative instinct which fights for every + old convention? The traditional novel is a love story and takes ideas for + granted, it professes a hero but presents a heroine. And to begin with at + least, novels were written for the reading of heroines. Miss Lydia + Languish sets no great store upon the contents of a man's head. That is + just the stuffing of the doll. Eyes and heart are her game. And so there + is never any more sphinx in the story than a lady may impersonate. And as + inevitably the heroine meets a man. In his own first success, White + reflected, the hero, before he had gone a dozen pages, met a very pleasant + young woman very pleasantly in a sunlit thicket; the second opened at once + with a bicycle accident that brought two young people together so that + they were never afterwards disentangled; the third, failing to produce its + heroine in thirty pages, had to be rearranged. The next— + </p> + <p> + White returned from an unprofitable digression to the matter before him. + </p> + <p> + 14 + </p> + <p> + The first of Benham's early essays was written in an almost boyish hand, + it was youthfully amateurish in its nervous disposition to definitions and + distinctions, and in the elaborate linking of part to part. It was called + TRUE DEMOCRACY. Manifestly it was written before the incident of the + Trinity Hall plates, and most of it had been done after Prothero's visit + to Chexington. White could feel that now inaudible interlocutor. And there + were even traces of Sir Godfrey Marayne's assertion that democracy was + contrary to biology. From the outset it was clear that whatever else it + meant, True Democracy, following the analogy of True Politeness, True + Courage, True Honesty and True Marriage, did not mean democracy at all. + Benham was, in fact, taking Prothero's word, and trying to impose upon it + his own solidifying and crystallizing opinion of life. + </p> + <p> + They were not as yet very large or well-formed crystals. The proposition + he struggled to develop was this, that True Democracy did not mean an + equal share in the government, it meant an equal opportunity to share in + the government. Men were by nature and in the most various ways unequal. + True Democracy aimed only at the removal of artificial inequalities.... + </p> + <p> + It was on the truth of this statement, that men were by nature unequal, + that the debate had turned. Prothero was passionately against the idea at + that time. It was, he felt, separating himself from Benham more and more. + He spoke with a personal bitterness. And he found his chief ally in a + rigorous and voluble Frenchman named Carnac, an aggressive Roman Catholic, + who opened his speech by saying that the first aristocrat was the devil, + and shocked Prothero by claiming him as probably the only other sound + Christian in the room. Several biologists were present, and one tall, fair + youth with a wearisome forefinger tried to pin Carnac with questions. + </p> + <p> + “But you must admit some men are taller than others?” + </p> + <p> + “Then the others are broader.” + </p> + <p> + “Some are smaller altogether.” + </p> + <p> + “Nimbler—it's notorious.” + </p> + <p> + “Some of the smaller are less nimble than the others.” + </p> + <p> + “Then they have better nightmares. How can you tell?” + </p> + <p> + The biologist was temporarily incapacitated, and the talk went on over his + prostrate attempts to rally and protest. + </p> + <p> + A second biologist seemed to Benham to come nearer the gist of the dispute + when he said that they were not discussing the importance of men, but + their relative inequalities. Nobody was denying the equal importance of + everybody. But there was a virtue of this man and a virtue of that. Nobody + could dispute the equal importance of every wheel in a machine, of every + atom in the universe. Prothero and Carnac were angry because they thought + the denial of absolute equality was a denial of equal importance. That was + not so. Every man mattered in his place. But politically, or economically, + or intellectually that might be a lowly place.... + </p> + <p> + At this point Carnac interrupted with a whooping and great violence, and a + volley of obscure French colloquialisms. + </p> + <p> + He was understood to convey that the speaker was a Jew, and did not in the + least mean what he was saying.... + </p> + <p> + 15 + </p> + <p> + The second paper was an altogether maturer and more characteristic + production. It was no longer necessary to answer Prothero. Prothero had + been incorporated. And Benham had fairly got away with his great idea. It + was evident to White that this paper had been worked over on several + occasions since its first composition and that Benham had intended to make + it a part of his book. There were corrections in pencil and corrections in + a different shade of ink, and there was an unfinished new peroration, that + was clearly the latest addition of all. Yet its substance had been there + always. It gave the youth just grown to manhood, but anyhow fully grown. + It presented the far-dreaming intellectualist shaped. + </p> + <p> + Benham had called it ARISTOCRACY. But he was far away by now from + political aristocracy. + </p> + <p> + This time he had not begun with definitions and generalizations, but with + a curiously subjective appeal. He had not pretended to be theorizing at + large any longer, he was manifestly thinking of his own life and as + manifestly he was thinking of life as a matter of difficulty and + unexpected thwartings. + </p> + <p> + “We see life,” he wrote, “not only life in the world outside us, but life + in our own selves, as an immense choice of possibilities; indeed, for us + in particular who have come up here, who are not under any urgent + necessity to take this line or that, life is apparently pure choice. It is + quite easy to think we are all going to choose the pattern of life we like + best and work it out in our own way.... And, meanwhile, there is no great + hurry.... + </p> + <p> + “I want to begin by saying that choice isn't so easy and so necessary as + it seems. We think we are going to choose presently, and in the end we may + never choose at all. Choice needs perhaps more energy than we think. The + great multitude of older people we can observe in the world outside there, + haven't chosen either in the matter of the world outside, where they shall + go, what they shall do, what part they shall play, or in the matter of the + world within, what they will be and what they are determined they will + never be. They are still in much the same state of suspended choice as we + seem to be in, but in the meanwhile THINGS HAPPEN TO THEM. And things are + happening to us, things will happen to us, while we still suppose + ourselves in the wings waiting to be consulted about the casting of the + piece.... + </p> + <p> + “Nevertheless this immense appearance of choice which we get in the + undergraduate community here, is not altogether illusion; it is more + reality than illusion even if it has not the stable and complete reality + it appears to have. And it is more a reality for us than it was for our + fathers, and much more a reality now than it was a few centuries ago. The + world is more confused and multitudinous than ever it was, the practicable + world far wider, and ourselves far less under the pressure of inflexible + moulding forces and inevitable necessities than any preceding generations. + I want to put very clearly how I see the new world, the present world, the + world of novel choice to which our youth and inexperience faces, and I + want to define to you a certain selection of choices which I am going to + call aristocratic, and to which it is our manifest duty and destiny as the + elect and favoured sons of our race to direct ourselves. + </p> + <p> + “It isn't any choice of Hercules I mean, any mere alternative whether we + will be, how shall I put it?—the bridegrooms of pleasure or the + bridegrooms of duty. It is infinitely vaster and more subtly moral than + that. There are a thousand good lives possible, of which we may have one, + lives which are soundly good, or a thousand bad lives, if you like, lives + which are thoroughly bad—that's the old and perpetual choice, that + has always been—but what is more evident to me and more remarkable + and disconcerting is that there are nowadays ten thousand muddled lives + lacking even so much moral definition, even so much consistency as is + necessary for us to call them either good or bad, there are planless + indeterminate lives, more and more of them, opening out as the possible + lives before us, a perfect wilderness between salvation and damnation, a + wilderness so vast and crowded that at last it seems as though the way to + either hell or heaven would be lost in its interminable futility. Such + planless indeterminate lives, plebeian lives, mere lives, fill the world, + and the spectacle of whole nations, our whole civilization, seems to me to + re-echo this planlessness, this indeterminate confusion of purpose. Plain + issues are harder and harder to find, it is as if they had disappeared. + Simple living is the countryman come to town. We are deafened and jostled + and perplexed. There are so many things afoot that we get nothing.... + </p> + <p> + “That is what is in my mind when I tell you that we have to gather + ourselves together much more than we think. We have to clench ourselves + upon a chosen end. We have to gather ourselves together out of the swill + of this brimming world. + </p> + <p> + “Or—we are lost....” + </p> + <p> + (“Swill of this brimming world,” said White. “Some of this sounds + uncommonly like Prothero.” He mused for a moment and then resumed his + reading.) + </p> + <p> + “That is what I was getting at when, three years ago, I made an attack + upon Democracy to the mother society of this society, an attack that I + expressed ill and failed to drive home. That is what I have come down now + to do my best to make plainer. This age of confusion is Democracy; it is + all that Democracy can ever give us. Democracy, if it means anything, + means the rule of the planless man, the rule of the unkempt mind. It means + as a necessary consequence this vast boiling up of collectively + meaningless things. + </p> + <p> + “What is the quality of the common man, I mean of the man that is common + to all of us, the man who is the Standard for such men as Carnac, the man + who seems to be the ideal of the Catholic Democrat? He is the creature of + a few fundamental impulses. He begins in blind imitation of the life about + him. He lusts and takes a wife, he hungers and tills a field or toils in + some other way to earn a living, a mere aimless living, he fears and so he + does not wander, he is jealous and stays by his wife and his job, is + fiercely yet often stupidly and injuriously defensive of his children and + his possessions, and so until he wearies. Then he dies and needs a + cemetery. He needs a cemetery because he is so afraid of dissolution that + even when he has ceased to be, he still wants a place and a grave to hold + him together and prevent his returning to the All that made him. Our chief + impression of long ages of mankind comes from its cemeteries. And this is + the life of man, as the common man conceives and lives it. Beyond that he + does not go, he never comprehends himself collectively at all, the state + happens about him; his passion for security, his gregarious + self-defensiveness, makes him accumulate upon himself until he congests in + cities that have no sense of citizenship and states that have no + structure; the clumsy, inconsecutive lying and chatter of his newspapers, + his hoardings and music-halls gives the measure of his congested + intelligences, the confusion of ugly, half empty churches and chapels and + meeting-halls gauge the intensity of his congested souls, the tricks and + slow blundering dishonesties of Diet and Congress and Parliament are his + statecraft and his wisdom.... + </p> + <p> + “I do not care if this instant I am stricken dead for pride. I say here + now to you and to High Heaven that THIS LIFE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. I + know there is a better life than this muddle about us, a better life + possible now. I know it. A better individual life and a better public + life. If I had no other assurances, if I were blind to the glorious + intimations of art, to the perpetually widening promise of science, to the + mysterious beckonings of beauty in form and colour and the inaccessible + mockery of the stars, I should still know this from the insurgent spirit + within me.... + </p> + <p> + “Now this better life is what I mean when I talk of Aristocracy. This idea + of a life breaking away from the common life to something better, is the + consuming idea in my mind. + </p> + <p> + “Constantly, recurrently, struggling out of the life of the farm and the + shop, the inn and the market, the street and the crowd, is something that + is not of the common life. Its way of thinking is Science, its dreaming is + Art, its will is the purpose of mankind. It is not the common thing. But + also it is not an unnatural thing. It is not as common as a rat, but it is + no less natural than a panther. + </p> + <p> + “For it is as natural to be an explorer as it is to be a potato grower, it + is rarer but it is as natural; it is as natural to seek explanations and + arrange facts as it is to make love, or adorn a hut, or show kindness to a + child. It is a folly I will not even dispute about, that man's only + natural implement is the spade. Imagination, pride, exalted desire are + just as much Man, as are hunger and thirst and sexual curiosities and the + panic dread of unknown things.... + </p> + <p> + “Now you see better what I mean about choice. Now you see what I am + driving at. We have to choose each one for himself and also each one for + the race, whether we will accept the muddle of the common life, whether we + ourselves will be muddled, weakly nothings, children of luck, steering our + artful courses for mean success and tawdry honours, or whether we will be + aristocrats, for that is what it amounts to, each one in the measure of + his personal quality an aristocrat, refusing to be restrained by fear, + refusing to be restrained by pain, resolved to know and understand up to + the hilt of his understanding, resolved to sacrifice all the common stuff + of his life to the perfection of his peculiar gift, a purged man, a + trained, selected, artificial man, not simply free, but lordly free, + filled and sustained by pride. Whether you or I make that choice and + whether you or I succeed in realizing ourselves, though a great matter to + ourselves, is, I admit, a small matter to the world. But the great matter + is this, that THE CHOICE IS BEING MADE, that it will continue to be made, + and that all around us, so that it can never be arrested and darkened + again, is the dawn of human possibility....” + </p> + <p> + (White could also see his dead friend's face with its enthusiastic + paleness, its disordered hair and the glowing darknesses in the eyes. On + such occasions Benham always had an expression of ESCAPE. Temporary + escape. And thus would his hand have clutched the reading-desk; thus would + his long fingers have rustled these dry papers.) + </p> + <p> + “Man has reached a point when a new life opens before him.... + </p> + <p> + “The old habitual life of man is breaking up all about us, and for the new + life our minds, our imaginations, our habits and customs are all + unprepared.... + </p> + <p> + “It is only now, after some years of study and living, that I begin to + realize what this tremendous beginning we call Science means to mankind. + Every condition that once justified the rules and imperatives, the manners + and customs, the sentiments, the morality, the laws and limitations which + make up the common life, has been or is being destroyed.... Two or three + hundred years more and all that life will be as much a thing past and done + with as the life that was lived in the age of unpolished stone.... + </p> + <p> + “Man is leaving his ancestral shelters and going out upon the greatest + adventure that ever was in space or time, he is doing it now, he is doing + it in us as I stand here and read to you.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THE SECOND ~~ THE YOUNG MAN ABOUT TOWN + </h2> + <p> + 1 + </p> + <p> + The oldest novel in the world at any rate, White reflected, was a story + with a hero and no love interest worth talking about. It was the story of + Tobias and how he came out from the shelters of his youth into this magic + and intricate world. Its heroine was incidental, part of the spoil, a + seven times relict.... + </p> + <p> + White had not read the book of Tobit for many years, and what he was + really thinking of was not that ancient story at all, but Botticelli's + picture, that picture of the sunlit morning of life. When you say “Tobias” + that is what most intelligent people will recall. Perhaps you will + remember how gaily and confidently the young man strides along with the + armoured angel by his side. Absurdly enough, Benham and his dream of high + aristocracy reminded White of that.... + </p> + <p> + “We have all been Tobias in our time,” said White. + </p> + <p> + If White had been writing this chapter he would have in all probability + called it THE TOBIAS STAGE, forgetful that there was no Tobit behind + Benham and an entirely different Sara in front of him. + </p> + <p> + 2 + </p> + <p> + From Cambridge Benham came to London. For the first time he was to live in + London. Never before had he been in London for more than a few days at a + time. But now, guided by his mother's advice, he was to have a flat in + Finacue street, just round the corner from Desborough Street, a flat very + completely and delightfully furnished under her supervision. It had an + admirable study, in which she had arranged not only his books, but a + number of others in beautiful old leather bindings that it had amused her + extremely to buy; it had a splendid bureau and business-like letter-filing + cabinets, a neat little drawing-room and a dining-room, well-placed + abundant electric lights, and a man called Merkle whom she had selected + very carefully and who she felt would not only see to Benham's comfort but + keep him, if necessary, up to the mark. + </p> + <p> + This man Merkle seemed quite unaware that humanity “here and now”—even + as he was engaged in meticulously putting out Benham's clothes—was + “leaving its ancestral shelters and going out upon the greatest adventure + that ever was in space or time.” If he had been told as much by Benham he + would probably have said, “Indeed, sir,” and proceeded accurately with his + duties. And if Benham's voice had seemed to call for any additional + remark, he would probably have added, “It's 'igh time, sir, something of + the sort was done. Will you have the white wesket as before, sir, or a + fresh one this evening?... Unless it's a very special occasion, sir.... + Exactly, sir. THANK you, sir.” + </p> + <p> + And when her son was properly installed in his apartments Lady Marayne + came round one morning with a large experienced-looking portfolio and + rendered an account of her stewardship of his estate that was already some + months overdue. It was all very confused and confusing, and there were + inexplicable incidents, a heavy overdraft at the bank for example, but + this was Sir Godfrey's fault, she explained. “He never would help me with + any of this business,” she said. “I've had to add sometimes for HOURS. + But, of course, you are a man, and when you've looked through it all, I + know you'll understand.” + </p> + <p> + He did look through it enough to see that it was undesirable that he + should understand too explicitly, and, anyhow, he was manifestly very well + off indeed, and the circumstances of the case, even as he understood them, + would have made any businesslike book-keeping ungracious. The bankers + submitted the corroborating account of securities, and he found himself + possessed of his unconditional six thousand a year, with, as she put it, + “the world at his feet.” On the whole it seemed more wonderful to him now + than when he had first heard of it. He kissed her and thanked her, and + left the portfolio open for Merkle's entirely honest and respectful but + very exact inspection, and walked back with her to Desborough Street, and + all the while he was craving to ask the one tremendous question he knew he + would never ask, which was just how exactly this beneficent Nolan came + in.... + </p> + <p> + Once or twice in the small hours, and on a number of other occasions, this + unspeakable riddle assumed a portentous predominance in his mind. He was + forced back upon his inner consciousness for its consideration. He could + discuss it with nobody else, because that would have been discussing his + mother. + </p> + <p> + Probably most young men who find themselves with riches at large in the + world have some such perplexity as this mixed in with the gift. Such men + as the Cecils perhaps not, because they are in the order of things, the + rich young Jews perhaps not, because acquisition is their principle, but + for most other intelligent inheritors there must be this twinge of + conscientious doubt. “Why particularly am I picked out for so tremendous + an advantage?” If the riddle is not Nolan, then it is rent, or it is the + social mischief of the business, or the particular speculative COUP that + established their fortune. + </p> + <p> + “PECUNIA NON OLET,” Benham wrote, “and it is just as well. Or the + west-ends of the world would reek with deodorizers. Restitution is + inconceivable; how and to whom? And in the meanwhile here we are lifted up + by our advantage to a fantastic appearance of opportunity. Whether the + world looks to us or not to do tremendous things, it ought to look to us. + And above all we ought to look to ourselves. RICHESSE OBLIGE.” + </p> + <p> + 3 + </p> + <p> + It is not to be supposed that Benham came to town only with a general + theory of aristocracy. He had made plans for a career. Indeed, he had + plans for several careers. None of them when brought into contrast with + the great spectacle of London retained all the attractiveness that had + saturated them at their inception. + </p> + <p> + They were all more or less political careers. Whatever a democratic man + may be, Prothero and he had decided that an aristocratic man is a public + man. He is made and protected in what he is by laws and the state and his + honour goes out to the state. The aristocrat has no right to be a + voluptuary or a mere artist or a respectable nonentity, or any such purely + personal things. Responsibility for the aim and ordering of the world is + demanded from him as imperatively as courage. + </p> + <p> + Benham's deliberate assumption of the equestrian role brought him into + contact with a new set of acquaintances, conscious of political destinies. + They were amiable, hard young men, almost affectedly unaffected; they + breakfasted before dawn to get in a day's hunting, and they saw to it that + Benham's manifest determination not to discredit himself did not lead to + his breaking his neck. Their bodies were beautifully tempered, and their + minds were as flabby as Prothero's body. Among them were such men as Lord + Breeze and Peter Westerton, and that current set of Corinthians who + supposed themselves to be resuscitating the Young England movement and + Tory Democracy. Poor movements which indeed have never so much lived as + suffered chronic resuscitation. These were days when Tariff Reform was + only an inglorious possibility for the Tory Party, and Young England had + yet to demonstrate its mental quality in an anti-socialist campaign. Seen + from the perspectives of Cambridge and Chexington, the Tory party was + still a credible basis for the adventure of a young man with an + aristocratic theory in his mind. + </p> + <p> + These were the days when the strain and extremity of a dangerous colonial + war were fresh in people's minds, when the quality of the public + consciousness was braced up by its recent response to unanticipated + demands. The conflict of stupidities that had caused the war was overlaid + and forgotten by a hundred thousand devotions, by countless heroic deaths + and sufferings, by a pacification largely conceived and broadly handled. + The nation had displayed a belated regard for its honour and a sustained + passion for great unities. It was still possible for Benham to regard the + empire as a splendid opportunity, and London as the conceivable heart of + the world. He could think of Parliament as a career, and of a mingling of + aristocratic socialism based on universal service with a civilizing + imperialism as a purpose.... + </p> + <p> + But his thoughts had gone wider and deeper than that.... + </p> + <p> + Already when Benham came to London he had begun to dream of possibilities + that went beyond the accidental states and empires of to-day. Prothero's + mind, replete with historical detail, could find nothing but absurdity in + the alliances and dynasties and loyalties of our time. “Patched up things, + Benham, temporary, pretentious. All very well for the undignified man, the + democratic man, to take shelter under, all very well for the humourist to + grin and bear, all very well for the crowd and the quack, but not for the + aristocrat—No!—his mind cuts like steel and burns like fire. + Lousy sheds they are, plastered hoardings... and such a damned nuisance + too! For any one who wants to do honourable things! With their wars and + their diplomacies, their tariffs and their encroachments; all their + humbugging struggles, their bloody and monstrous struggles, that finally + work out to no end at all.... If you are going for the handsome thing in + life then the world has to be a united world, Benham, as a matter of + course. That was settled when the railways and the telegraph came. + Telephones, wireless telegraphy, aeroplanes insist on it. We've got to + mediatise all this stuff, all these little crowns and boundaries and + creeds, and so on, that stand in the way. Just as Italy had to be united + in spite of all the rotten little dukes and princes and republics, just as + Germany had to be united in spite of its scores of kingdoms and duchies + and liberties, so now the world. Things as they are may be fun for lawyers + and politicians and court people and—douaniers; they may suit the + loan-mongers and the armaments shareholders, they may even be more + comfortable for the middle-aged, but what, except as an inconvenience, + does that matter to you or me?” + </p> + <p> + Prothero always pleased Benham when he swept away empires. There was + always a point when the rhetoric broke into gesture. + </p> + <p> + “We've got to sweep them away, Benham,” he said, with a wide gesture of + his arm. “We've got to sweep them all away.” + </p> + <p> + Prothero helped himself to some more whiskey, and spoke hastily, because + he was afraid some one else might begin. He was never safe from + interruption in his own room. The other young men present sucked at their + pipes and regarded him doubtfully. They were never quite certain whether + Prothero was a prophet or a fool. They could not understand a mixed type, + and he was so manifestly both. + </p> + <p> + “The only sane political work for an intelligent man is to get the + world-state ready. For that we have to prepare an aristocracy—” + </p> + <p> + “Your world-state will be aristocratic?” some one interpolated. + </p> + <p> + “Of course it will be aristocratic. How can uninformed men think all round + the globe? Democracy dies five miles from the parish pump. It will be an + aristocratic republic of all the capable men in the world....” + </p> + <p> + “Of course,” he added, pipe in mouth, as he poured out his whiskey, “it's + a big undertaking. It's an affair of centuries....” + </p> + <p> + And then, as a further afterthought: “All the more reason for getting to + work at it....” + </p> + <p> + In his moods of inspiration Prothero would discourse through the tobacco + smoke until that great world-state seemed imminent—and Part Two in + the Tripos a thing relatively remote. He would talk until the dimly-lit + room about him became impalpable, and the young men squatting about it in + elaborately careless attitudes caught glimpses of cities that are still to + be, bridges in wild places, deserts tamed and oceans conquered, mankind no + longer wasted by bickerings, going forward to the conquest of the + stars.... + </p> + <p> + An aristocratic world-state; this political dream had already taken hold + of Benham's imagination when he came to town. But it was a dream, + something that had never existed, something that indeed may never + materialize, and such dreams, though they are vivid enough in a study at + night, fade and vanish at the rustle of a daily newspaper or the sound of + a passing band. To come back again.... So it was with Benham. Sometimes he + was set clearly towards this world-state that Prothero had talked into + possibility. Sometimes he was simply abreast of the patriotic and socially + constructive British Imperialism of Breeze and Westerton. And there were + moods when the two things were confused in his mind, and the glamour of + world dominion rested wonderfully on the slack and straggling British + Empire of Edward the Seventh—and Mr. Rudyard Kipling and Mr. + Chamberlain. He did go on for a time honestly entertaining both these + projects in his mind, each at its different level, the greater impalpable + one and the lesser concrete one within it. In some unimaginable way he + could suppose that the one by some miracle of ennoblement—and + neglecting the Frenchman, the Russian, the German, the American, the + Indian, the Chinaman, and, indeed, the greater part of mankind from the + problem—might become the other.... + </p> + <p> + All of which is recorded here, without excess of comment, as it happened, + and as, in a mood of astonished reminiscences, he came finally to perceive + it, and set it down for White's meditative perusal. + </p> + <p> + 4 + </p> + <p> + But to the enthusiasm of the young, dreams have something of the substance + of reality and realities, something of the magic of dreams. The London to + which Benham came from Cambridge and the disquisitions of Prothero was not + the London of a mature and disillusioned vision. It was London seen + magnified and distorted through the young man's crystalline intentions. It + had for him a quality of multitudinous, unquenchable activity. Himself + filled with an immense appetite for life, he was unable to conceive of + London as fatigued. He could not suspect these statesmen he now began to + meet and watch, of jaded wills and petty spites, he imagined that all the + important and influential persons in this large world of affairs were as + frank in their private lives and as unembarrassed in their financial + relationships as his untainted self. And he had still to reckon with + stupidity. He believed in the statecraft of leader-writers and the + sincerity of political programmes. And so regarded, what an avenue to + Empire was Whitehall! How momentous was the sunrise in St. James's Park, + and how significant the clustering knot of listeners and speakers beneath + the tall column that lifts our Nelson to the windy sky! + </p> + <p> + For a time Benham was in love with the idea of London. He got maps of + London and books about London. He made plans to explore its various + regions. He tried to grasp it all, from the conscious picturesqueness of + its garden suburbs to the factories of Croydon, from the clerk-villadoms + of Ealing to the inky streams of Bow. In those days there were passenger + steamboats that would take one from the meadows of Hampton Court past the + whole spectacle of London out to the shipping at Greenwich and the towed + liners, the incessant tugs, the heaving portals of the sea.... His time + was far too occupied for him to carry out a tithe of these expeditions he + had planned, but he had many walks that bristled with impressions. + Northward and southward, eastward and westward a dreaming young man could + wander into a wilderness of population, polite or sombre, poor, rich, or + middle-class, but all ceaselessly active, all urgently pressing, as it + seemed, to their part in the drama of the coming years. He loved the late + afternoon, when every artery is injected and gorged with the multitudinous + home-going of the daily workers, he loved the time of lighting up, and the + clustering excitements of the late hours. And he went out southward and + eastward into gaunt regions of reeking toil. As yet he knew nothing of the + realities of industrialism. He saw only the beauty of the great chimneys + that rose against the sullen smoke-barred sunsets, and he felt only the + romance of the lurid shuddering flares that burst out from squat stacks of + brickwork and lit the emptiness of strange and slovenly streets.... + </p> + <p> + And this London was only the foreground of the great scene upon which he, + as a prosperous, well-befriended young Englishman, was free to play + whatever part he could. This narrow turbid tidal river by which he walked + ran out under the bridges eastward beneath the grey-blue clouds towards + Germany, towards Russia, and towards Asia, which still seemed in those + days so largely the Englishman's Asia. And when you turned about at + Blackfriars Bridge this sense of the round world was so upon you that you + faced not merely Westminster, but the icy Atlantic and America, which one + could yet fancy was a land of Englishmen—Englishmen a little + estranged. At any rate they assimilated, they kept the tongue. The + shipping in the lower reaches below the Tower there carried the flags of + every country under the sky.... As he went along the riverside he met a + group of dusky students, Chinese or Japanese. Cambridge had abounded in + Indians; and beneath that tall clock tower at Westminster it seemed as + though the world might centre. The background of the Englishman's world + reached indeed to either pole, it went about the earth, his background it + was—for all that he was capable of doing. All this had awaited + him.... + </p> + <p> + Is it any wonder if a young man with an excitable imagination came at + times to the pitch of audible threats? If the extreme indulgence of his + opportunity and his sense of ability and vigour lifted his vanity at + moments to the kingly pitch? If he ejaculated and made a gesture or so as + he went along the Embankment? + </p> + <p> + 5 + </p> + <p> + In the disquisition upon choice that opened Benham's paper on ARISTOCRACY, + he showed himself momentarily wiser than his day-dreams. For in these + day-dreams he did seem to himself to be choosing among unlimited + possibilities. Yet while he dreamt other influences were directing his + movements. There were for instance his mother, Lady Marayne, who saw a + very different London from what he did, and his mother Dame Nature, who + cannot see London at all. She was busy in his blood as she is busy in the + blood of most healthy young men; common experience must fill the gaps for + us; and patiently and thoroughly she was preparing for the entrance of + that heroine, whom not the most self-centred of heroes can altogether + avoid.... + </p> + <p> + And then there was the power of every day. Benham imagined himself at + large on his liberating steed of property while indeed he was mounted on + the made horse of Civilization; while he was speculating whither he should + go, he was already starting out upon the round. One hesitates upon the + magnificent plan and devotion of one's lifetime and meanwhile there is + usage, there are engagements. Every morning came Merkle, the embodiment of + the established routine, the herald of all that the world expected and + required Benham to be and do. Usually he awakened Benham with the opening + of his door and the soft tinkle of the curtain rings as he let in the + morning light. He moved softly about the room, gathering up and removing + the crumpled hulls of yesterday; that done he reappeared at the bedside + with a cup of admirable tea and one thin slice of bread-and-butter, + reported on the day's weather, stood deferential for instructions. “You + will be going out for lunch, sir. Very good, sir. White slips of course, + sir. You will go down into the country in the afternoon? Will that be the + serge suit, sir, or the brown?” + </p> + <p> + These matters settled, the new aristocrat could yawn and stretch like any + aristocrat under the old dispensation, and then as the sound of running + water from the bathroom ceased, stick his toes out of bed. + </p> + <p> + The day was tremendously indicated. World-states and aristocracies of + steel and fire, things that were as real as coal-scuttles in Billy's rooms + away there at Cambridge, were now remoter than Sirius. + </p> + <p> + He was expected to shave, expected to bath, expected to go in to the + bright warmth and white linen and silver and china of his breakfast-table. + And there he found letters and invitations, loaded with expectation. And + beyond the coffee-pot, neatly folded, lay the TIMES, and the DAILY NEWS + and the TELEGRAPH all with an air of requiring his attention. There had + been more fighting in Thibet and Mr. Ritchie had made a Free Trade speech + at Croydon. The Japanese had torpedoed another Russian ironclad and a + British cruiser was ashore in the East Indies. A man had been found + murdered in an empty house in Hoxton and the King had had a conversation + with General Booth. Tadpole was in for North Winchelsea, beating Taper by + nine votes, and there had been a new cut in the Atlantic passenger rates. + He was expected to be interested and excited by these things. + </p> + <p> + Presently the telephone bell would ring and he would hear the clear little + voice of his mother full of imperative expectations. He would be round for + lunch? Yes, he would be round to lunch. And the afternoon, had he arranged + to do anything with his afternoon? No!—put off Chexington until + tomorrow. There was this new pianist, it was really an EXPERIENCE, and one + might not get tickets again. And then tea at Panton's. It was rather fun + at Panton's.... Oh!—Weston Massinghay was coming to lunch. He was a + useful man to know. So CLEVER.... So long, my dear little Son, till I see + you.... + </p> + <p> + So life puts out its Merkle threads, as the poacher puts his hair noose + about the pheasant's neck, and while we theorize takes hold of us.... + </p> + <p> + It came presently home to Benham that he had been down from Cambridge for + ten months, and that he was still not a step forward with the realization + of the new aristocracy. His political career waited. He had done a + quantity of things, but their net effect was incoherence. He had not been + merely passive, but his efforts to break away into creative realities had + added to rather than diminished his accumulating sense of futility. + </p> + <p> + The natural development of his position under the influence of Lady + Marayne had enormously enlarged the circle of his acquaintances. He had + taken part in all sorts of social occasions, and sat and listened to a + representative selection of political and literary and social personages, + he had been several times to the opera and to a great number and variety + of plays, he had been attentively inconspicuous in several really good + week-end parties. He had spent a golden October in North Italy with his + mother, and escaped from the glowing lassitude of Venice for some days of + climbing in the Eastern Alps. In January, in an outbreak of enquiry, he + had gone with Lionel Maxim to St. Petersburg and had eaten zakuska, + brightened his eyes with vodka, talked with a number of charming people of + the war that was then imminent, listened to gipsy singers until dawn, + careered in sledges about the most silent and stately of capitals, and + returned with Lionel, discoursing upon autocracy and assassination, Japan, + the Russian destiny, and the government of Peter the Great. That excursion + was the most after his heart of all the dispersed employments of his first + year. Through the rest of the winter he kept himself very fit, and still + further qualified that nervous dislike for the horse that he had acquired + from Prothero by hunting once a week in Essex. He was incurably a bad + horseman; he rode without sympathy, he was unready and convulsive at + hedges and ditches, and he judged distances badly. His white face and + rigid seat and a certain joylessness of bearing in the saddle earned him + the singular nickname, which never reached his ears, of the “Galvanized + Corpse.” He got through, however, at the cost of four quite trifling + spills and without damaging either of the horses he rode. And his physical + self-respect increased. + </p> + <p> + On his writing-desk appeared a few sheets of manuscript that increased + only very slowly. He was trying to express his Cambridge view of + aristocracy in terms of Finacue Street, West. + </p> + <p> + The artistic and intellectual movements of London had made their various + demands upon his time and energies. Art came to him with a noble + assumption of his interest and an intention that presently became + unpleasantly obvious to sell him pictures that he did not want to buy and + explain away pictures that he did. He bought one or two modern + achievements, and began to doubt if art and aristocracy had any necessary + connection. At first he had accepted the assumption that they had. After + all, he reflected, one lives rather for life and things than for pictures + of life and things or pictures arising out of life and things. This Art + had an air of saying something, but when one came to grips with it what + had it to say? Unless it was Yah! The drama, and more particularly the + intellectual drama, challenged his attention. In the hands of Shaw, + Barker, Masefield, Galsworthy, and Hankin, it, too, had an air of saying + something, but he found it extremely difficult to join on to his own + demands upon life anything whatever that the intellectual drama had the + air of having said. He would sit forward in the front row of the + dress-circle with his cheek on his hand and his brow slightly knit. His + intentness amused observant people. The drama that did not profess to be + intellectual he went to with Lady Marayne, and usually on first nights. + Lady Marayne loved a big first night at St. James's Theatre or His + Majesty's. Afterwards, perhaps, Sir Godfrey would join them at a supper + party, and all sorts of clever and amusing people would be there saying + keen intimate things about each other. He met Yeats, who told amusing + stories about George Moore, and afterwards he met George Moore, who told + amusing stories about Yeats, and it was all, he felt, great fun for the + people who were in it. But he was not in it, and he had no very keen + desire to be in it. It wasn't his stuff. He had, though they were nowadays + rather at the back of his mind, quite other intentions. In the meanwhile + all these things took up his time and distracted his attention. + </p> + <p> + There was, as yet, no practicable aviation to beguile a young man of + spirit, but there were times when Benham found himself wondering whether + there might not be something rather creditable in the possession and + control of a motor-car of exceptional power. Only one might smash people + up. Should an aristocrat be deterred by the fear of smashing people up? If + it is a selfish fear of smashing people up, if it is nerves rather than + pity? At any rate it did not come to the car. + </p> + <p> + 6 + </p> + <p> + Among other things that delayed Benham very greatly in the development of + his aristocratic experiments was the advice that was coming to him from + every quarter. It came in extraordinary variety and volume, but always it + had one unvarying feature. It ignored and tacitly contradicted his private + intentions. + </p> + <p> + We are all of us disposed to be propagandists of our way of living, and + the spectacle of a wealthy young man quite at large is enough to excite + the most temperate of us without distinction of age or sex. “If I were + you,” came to be a familiar phrase in his ear. This was particularly the + case with political people; and they did it not only from the natural + infirmity of humanity, but because, when they seemed reluctant or + satisfied with him as he was, Lady Marayne egged them on. + </p> + <p> + There was a general assumption that he was to go into Parliament, and most + of his counsellors assumed further that on the whole his natural + sympathies would take him into the Conservative party. But it was pointed + out to him that just at present the Liberal party was the party of a young + man's opportunity; sooner or later the swing of the pendulum which would + weed the Conservatives and proliferate Liberals was bound to come, there + was always more demand and opportunity for candidates on the Liberal side, + the Tariff Reformers were straining their ministerial majority to the + splitting point, and most of the old Liberal leaders had died off during + the years of exile. The party was no longer dominated; it would tolerate + ideas. A young man who took a distinctive line—provided it was not + from the party point of view a vexatious or impossible line—might go + very rapidly far and high. On the other hand, it was urged upon him that + the Tariff Reform adventure called also for youth and energy. But there, + perhaps, there was less scope for the distinctive line—and already + they had Garvin. Quite a number of Benham's friends pointed out to him the + value of working out some special aspect of our national political + interests. A very useful speciality was the Balkans. Mr. Pope, the + well-known publicist, whose very sound and considerable reputation was + based on the East Purblow Labour Experiment, met Benham at lunch and + proposed to go with him in a spirit of instructive association to the + Balkans, rub up their Greek together, and settle the problem of Albania. + He wanted, he said, a foreign speciality to balance his East Purblow + interest. But Lady Beach Mandarin warned Benham against the Balkans; the + Balkans were getting to be too handy for Easter and summer holidays, and + now that there were several good hotels in Servia and Montenegro and + Sofia, they were being overdone. Everybody went to the Balkans and came + back with a pet nationality. She loathed pet nationalities. She believed + most people loathed them nowadays. It was stale: it was GLADSTONIAN. She + was all for specialization in social reform. She thought Benham ought to + join the Fabian Society and consult the Webbs. Quite a number of able + young men had been placed with the assistance of the Webbs. They were, she + said, “a perfect fount....” Two other people, independently of each other, + pointed out to Benham the helpfulness of a few articles in the half-crown + monthlies.... + </p> + <p> + “What are the assumptions underlying all this?” Benham asked himself in a + phase of lucidity. + </p> + <p> + And after reflection. “Good God! The assumptions! What do they think will + satisfy me?...” + </p> + <p> + Everybody, however, did not point to Parliament. Several people seemed to + think Travel, with a large T, was indicated. One distant cousin of Sir + Godfrey's, the kind of man of the world who has long moustaches, was for + big game shooting. “Get right out of all this while you are young,” he + said. “There's nothing to compare with stopping a charging lion at twenty + yards. I've done it, my boy. You can come back for all this pow-wow + afterwards.” He gave the diplomatic service as a second choice. “There you + are,” he said, “first-rate social position, nothing to do, theatres, + operas, pretty women, colour, life. The best of good times. Barring + Washington, that is. But Washington, they say, isn't as bad as it used to + be—since Teddy has Europeanized 'em....” + </p> + <p> + Even the Reverend Harold Benham took a subdued but thoughtful share in his + son's admonition. He came up to the flat—due precautions were taken + to prevent a painful encounter—he lunched at his son's new club, and + he was visibly oppressed by the contrast between the young man's youthful + fortunes and his own. As visibly he bore up bravely. “There are few men, + Poff, who would not envy you your opportunities,” he said. “You have the + Feast of Life spread out at your feet.... I hope you have had yourself put + up for the Athenaeum. They say it takes years. When I was a young man—and + ambitious—I thought that some day I might belong to the + Athenaeum.... One has to learn....” + </p> + <p> + 7 + </p> + <p> + And with an effect of detachment, just as though it didn't belong to the + rest of him at all, there was beginning a sort of backstairs and underside + to Benham's life. There is no need to discuss how inevitable that may or + may not be in the case of a young man of spirit and large means, nor to + embark upon the discussion of the temptations and opportunities of large + cities. Several ladies, of various positions and qualities, had reflected + upon his manifest need of education. There was in particular Mrs. + Skelmersdale, a very pretty little widow with hazel eyes, black hair, a + mobile mouth, and a pathetic history, who talked of old music to him and + took him to a Dolmetsch concert in Clifford's Inn, and expanded that + common interest to a general participation in his indefinite outlook. She + advised him about his probable politics—everybody did that—but + when he broke through his usual reserve and suggested views of his own, + she was extraordinarily sympathetic. She was so sympathetic and in such a + caressing way that she created a temporary belief in her understanding, + and it was quite imperceptibly that he was drawn into the discussion of + modern ethical problems. She herself was a rather stimulating instance of + modern ethical problems. She told him something of her own story, and then + their common topics narrowed down very abruptly. He found he could help + her in several ways. There is, unhappily, a disposition on the part of + many people, who ought to know better, to regard a role played by Joseph + during his earlier days in Egypt as a ridiculous one. This point of view + became very inopportunely dominant in Benham's mind when he was lunching + TETE A TETE with Mrs. Skelmersdale at her flat.... + </p> + <p> + The ensuing intimacy was of an entirely concealed and respectable nature, + but a certain increased preoccupation in his manner set Lady Marayne + thinking. He had as a matter of fact been taken by surprise. + </p> + <p> + Still he perceived that it is no excuse for a man that he has been taken + by surprise. Surprises in one's own conduct ought not to happen. When they + do happen then an aristocrat ought to stick to what he had done. He was + now in a subtle and complicated relationship to Mrs. Skelmersdale, a + relationship in which her pride had become suddenly a matter of tremendous + importance. Once he had launched himself upon this affair, it was clear to + him that he owed it to her never to humiliate her. And to go back upon + himself now would be a tremendous humiliation for her. You see, he had + helped her a little financially. And she looked to him, she wanted him.... + </p> + <p> + She wasn't, he knew, altogether respectable. Indeed, poor dear, her + ethical problems, already a little worn, made her seem at times anything + but respectable. He had met her first one evening at Jimmy Gluckstein's + when he was forming his opinion of Art. Her manifest want of interest in + pictures had attracted him. And that had led to music. And to the mention + of a Clementi piano, that short, gentle, sad, old, little sort of piano + people will insist upon calling a spinet, in her flat. + </p> + <p> + And so to this.... + </p> + <p> + It was very wonderful and delicious, this first indulgence of sense. + </p> + <p> + It was shabby and underhand. + </p> + <p> + The great god Pan is a glorious god. (And so was Swinburne.) And what can + compare with the warmth of blood and the sheen of sunlit limbs? + </p> + <p> + But Priapus.... + </p> + <p> + She was the most subtle, delightful and tender of created beings. + </p> + <p> + She had amazing streaks of vulgarity. + </p> + <p> + And some astonishing friends. + </p> + <p> + Once she had seemed to lead the talk deliberately to money matters. + </p> + <p> + She loved him and desired him. There was no doubt of it. + </p> + <p> + There was a curious effect about her as though when she went round the + corner she would become somebody else. And a curious recurrent feeling + that round the corner there was somebody else. + </p> + <p> + He had an extraordinary feeling that his mother knew about this business. + This feeling came from nothing in her words or acts, but from some + indefinable change in her eyes and bearing towards him. But how could she + know? + </p> + <p> + It was unlikely that she and Mrs. Skelmersdale would ever meet, and it + seemed to him that it would be a particularly offensive incident for them + to meet. + </p> + <p> + There were times now when life took on a grey and boring quality such as + it had never had before he met Mrs. Skelmersdale, and the only remedy was + to go to her. She could restore his nervous tranquillity, his feeling of + solidity and reality, his pride in himself. For a time, that is. + </p> + <p> + Nevertheless his mind was as a whole pervaded by the feeling that he ought + not to have been taken by surprise. + </p> + <p> + And he had the clearest conviction in his mind that if now he could be put + back again to the day before that lunch.... + </p> + <p> + No! he should not have gone there to lunch. + </p> + <p> + He had gone there to see her Clementi piano. + </p> + <p> + Had he or had he not thought beforehand of any other possibility? + </p> + <p> + On a point so vital his memory was curiously unsure. + </p> + <p> + 8 + </p> + <p> + The worry and disorganization of Benham's life and thoughts increased as + the spring advanced. His need in some way to pull things together became + overpowering. He began to think of Billy Prothero, more and more did it + seem desirable to have a big talk with Billy and place everything that had + got disturbed. Benham thought of going to Cambridge for a week of + exhaustive evenings. Small engagements delayed that expedition.... + </p> + <p> + Then came a day in April when all the world seemed wrong to Benham. He was + irritable; his will was unstable; whatever presented itself to be done + presented itself as undesirable; he could settle to nothing. He had been + keeping away from Mrs. Skelmersdale and in the morning there came a little + note from her designed to correct this abstention. She understood the art + of the attractive note. But he would not decide to go to her. He left the + note unanswered. + </p> + <p> + Then came his mother at the telephone and it became instantly certain to + Benham that he could not play the dutiful son that evening. He answered + her that he could not come to dinner. He had engaged himself. “Where?” + </p> + <p> + “With some men.” + </p> + <p> + There was a pause and then his mother's voice came, flattened by + disappointment. “Very well then, little Poff. Perhaps I shall see you + to-morrow.” + </p> + <p> + He replaced the receiver and fretted back into his study, where the notes + on aristocracy lay upon his desk, the notes he had been pretending to work + over all the morning. + </p> + <p> + “Damned liar!” he said, and then, “Dirty liar!” He decided to lunch at the + club, and in the afternoon he was moved to telephone an appointment with + his siren. And having done that he was bound to keep it. + </p> + <p> + About one o'clock in the morning he found himself walking back to Finacue + Street. He was no longer a fretful conflict of nerves, but if anything he + was less happy than he had been before. It seemed to him that London was a + desolate and inglorious growth. + </p> + <p> + London ten years ago was much less nocturnal than it is now. And not so + brightly lit. Down the long streets came no traffic but an occasional + hansom. Here and there a cat halted or bolted in the road. Near Piccadilly + a policeman hovered artfully in a doorway, and then came a few belated + prostitutes waylaying the passers-by, and a few youths and men, wearily + lust driven. + </p> + <p> + As he turned up New Bond Street he saw a figure that struck him as + familiar. Surely!—it was Billy Prothero! Or at any rate it was + astonishingly like Billy Prothero. He glanced again and the likeness was + more doubtful. The man had his back to Benham, he was halting and looking + back at a woman. + </p> + <p> + By some queer flash of intuition it came to Benham that even if this was + not Prothero, still Prothero did these things. It might very well be + Prothero even, though, as he now saw, it wasn't. Everybody did these + things.... + </p> + <p> + It came into Benham's head for the first time that life could be tiresome. + </p> + <p> + This Bond Street was a tiresome place; with its shops all shut and + muffled, its shops where in the crowded daytime one bought costly + furniture, costly clothes, costly scent, sweets, bibelots, pictures, + jewellery, presents of all sorts, clothes for Mrs. Skelmersdale, sweets + for Mrs. Skelmersdale, presents for Mrs. Skelmersdale, all the elaborate + fittings and equipage of—THAT! + </p> + <p> + “Good night, dear,” a woman drifted by him. + </p> + <p> + “I've SAID good night,” he cried, “I've SAID good night,” and so went on + to his flat. The unquenchable demand, the wearisome insatiability of sex! + When everything else has gone, then it shows itself bare in the bleak + small hours. And at first it had seemed so light a matter! He went to bed, + feeling dog-tired, he went to bed at an hour and with a finished + completeness that Merkle would have regarded as entirely becoming in a + young gentleman of his position. + </p> + <p> + And a little past three o'clock in the morning he awoke to a mood of + indescribable desolation. He awoke with a start to an agony of remorse and + self-reproach. + </p> + <p> + 9 + </p> + <p> + For a time he lay quite still staring at the darkness, then he groaned and + turned over. Then, suddenly, like one who fancies he hears a strange + noise, he sat up in bed and listened. “Oh, God!” he said at last. + </p> + <p> + And then: “Oh! The DIRTINESS of life! The dirty muddle of life! + </p> + <p> + “What are we doing with life? What are we all doing with life? + </p> + <p> + “It isn't only this poor Milly business. This only brings it to a head. Of + course she wants money....” + </p> + <p> + His thoughts came on again. + </p> + <p> + “But the ugliness! + </p> + <p> + “Why did I begin it?” + </p> + <p> + He put his hands upon his knees and pressed his eyes against the backs of + his hands and so remained very still, a blankness beneath his own + question. + </p> + <p> + After a long interval his mind moved again. + </p> + <p> + And now it was as if he looked upon his whole existence, he seemed to see + in a large, clear, cold comprehensiveness, all the wasted days, the + fruitless activities, the futilities, the perpetual postponements that had + followed his coming to London. He saw it all as a joyless indulgence, as a + confusion of playthings and undisciplined desires, as a succession of days + that began amiably and weakly, that became steadily more crowded with + ignoble and trivial occupations, that had sunken now to indignity and + uncleanness. He was overwhelmed by that persuasion, which only freshly + soiled youth can feel in its extreme intensity, that life was slipping + away from him, that the sands were running out, that in a little while his + existence would be irretrievably lost. + </p> + <p> + By some trick of the imagination he saw life as an interminable Bond + Street, lit up by night lamps, desolate, full of rubbish, full of the very + best rubbish, trappings, temptations, and down it all he drove, as the + damned drive, wearily, inexplicably. + </p> + <p> + WHAT ARE WE UP TO WITH LIFE! WHAT ARE WE MAKING OF LIFE! + </p> + <p> + But hadn't he intended to make something tremendous of life? Hadn't he + come to London trailing a glory?... + </p> + <p> + He began to remember it as a project. It was the project of a great + World-State sustained by an aristocracy of noble men. He was to have been + one of those men, too fine and far-reaching for the dull manoeuvers of + such politics as rule the world to-day. The project seemed still large, + still whitely noble, but now it was unlit and dead, and in the foreground + he sat in the flat of Mrs. Skelmersdale, feeling dissipated and fumbling + with his white tie. And she was looking tired. “God!” he said. “How did I + get there?” + </p> + <p> + And then suddenly he reached out his arms in the darkness and prayed aloud + to the silences. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, God! Give me back my visions! Give me back my visions!” + </p> + <p> + He could have imagined he heard a voice calling upon him to come out into + life, to escape from the body of this death. But it was his own voice that + called to him.... + </p> + <p> + 10 + </p> + <p> + The need for action became so urgent in him, that he got right out of his + bed and sat on the edge of it. Something had to be done at once. He did + not know what it was but he felt that there could be no more sleep, no + more rest, no dressing nor eating nor going forth before he came to + decisions. Christian before his pilgrimage began was not more certain of + this need of flight from the life of routine and vanities. + </p> + <p> + What was to be done? + </p> + <p> + In the first place he must get away and think about it all, think himself + clear of all these—these immediacies, these associations and + relations and holds and habits. He must get back to his vision, get back + to the God in his vision. And to do that he must go alone. + </p> + <p> + He was clear he must go alone. It was useless to go to Prothero, one weak + man going to a weaker. Prothero he was convinced could help him not at + all, and the strange thing is that this conviction had come to him and had + established itself incontestably because of that figure at the street + corner, which had for just one moment resembled Prothero. By some + fantastic intuition Benham knew that Prothero would not only participate + but excuse. And he knew that he himself could endure no excuses. He must + cut clear of any possibility of qualification. This thing had to be + stopped. He must get away, he must get free, he must get clean. In the + extravagance of his reaction Benham felt that he could endure nothing but + solitary places and to sleep under the open sky. + </p> + <p> + He wanted to get right away from London and everybody and lie in the quiet + darkness and stare up at the stars. + </p> + <p> + His plans grew so definite that presently he was in his dressing-gown and + turning out the maps in the lower drawer of his study bureau. He would go + down into Surrey with a knapsack, wander along the North Downs until the + Guildford gap was reached, strike across the Weald country to the South + Downs and then beat eastward. The very thought of it brought a coolness to + his mind. He knew that over those southern hills one could be as lonely as + in the wilderness and as free to talk to God. And there he would settle + something. He would make a plan for his life and end this torment. + </p> + <p> + When Merkle came in to him in the morning he was fast asleep. + </p> + <p> + The familiar curtain rings awakened Benham. He turned his head over, + stared for a moment and then remembered. + </p> + <p> + “Merkle,” he said, “I am going for a walking tour. I am going off this + morning. Haven't I a rucksack?” + </p> + <p> + “You 'ave a sort of canvas bag, sir, with pockets to it,” said Merkle. + “Will you be needing the VERY 'eavy boots with 'obnails—Swiss, I + fancy, sir—or your ordinary shooting boots?” + </p> + <p> + “And when may I expect you back, sir?” asked Merkle as the moment for + departure drew near. + </p> + <p> + “God knows,” said Benham, “I don't.” + </p> + <p> + “Then will there be any address for forwarding letters, sir?” + </p> + <p> + Benham hadn't thought of that. For a moment he regarded Merkle's + scrupulous respect with a transient perplexity. + </p> + <p> + “I'll let you know, Merkle,” he said. “I'll let you know.” + </p> + <p> + For some days at least, notes, telephone messages, engagements, all this + fuss and clamour about nothing, should clamour for him in vain.... + </p> + <p> + 11 + </p> + <p> + “But how closely,” cried White, in a mood of cultivated enthusiasm; “how + closely must all the poor little stories that we tell to-day follow in the + footsteps of the Great Exemplars! A little while ago and the springtime + freshness of Tobias irradiated the page. Now see! it is Christian—.” + </p> + <p> + Indeed it looked extremely like Christian as Benham went up across the + springy turf from Epsom Downs station towards the crest of the hill. Was + he not also fleeing in the morning sunlight from the City of Destruction? + Was he not also seeking that better city whose name is Peace? And there + was a bundle on his back. It was the bundle, I think, that seized most + firmly upon the too literary imagination of White. + </p> + <p> + But the analogy of the bundle was a superficial one. Benham had not the + slightest desire to lose it from his shoulders. It would have + inconvenienced him very greatly if he had done so. It did not contain his + sins. Our sins nowadays are not so easily separated. It contained a light, + warm cape-coat he had bought in Switzerland and which he intended to wrap + about him when he slept under the stars, and in addition Merkle had packed + it with his silk pyjamas, an extra pair of stockings, tooth-brush, brush + and comb, a safety razor.... And there were several sheets of the Ordnance + map. + </p> + <p> + 12 + </p> + <p> + The urgency of getting away from something dominated Benham to the + exclusion of any thought of what he might be getting to. That muddle of + his London life had to be left behind. First, escape.... + </p> + <p> + Over the downs great numbers of larks were singing. It was warm April that + year and early. All the cloud stuff in the sky was gathered into great + towering slow-sailing masses, and the rest was blue of the intensest. The + air was so clean that Benham felt it clean in the substance of his body. + The chestnuts down the hill to the right were flowering, the beeches were + luminously green, and the oaks in the valley foaming gold. And sometimes + it was one lark filled his ears, and sometimes he seemed to be hearing all + the larks for miles about him. Presently over the crest he would be out of + sight of the grand stand and the men exercising horses, and that brace of + red-jacketed golfers.... + </p> + <p> + What was he to do? + </p> + <p> + For a time he could think of nothing to do except to keep up and out of + the valley. His whole being seemed to have come to his surfaces to look + out at the budding of the year and hear the noise of the birds. And then + he got into a long road from which he had to escape, and trespassing + southward through plantations he reached the steep edge of the hills and + sat down over above a great chalk pit somewhere near Dorking and surveyed + all the tumbled wooded spaces of the Weald.... It is after all not so + great a country this Sussex, nor so hilly, from deepest valley to highest + crest is not six hundred feet, yet what a greatness of effect it can + achieve! There is something in those downland views which, like sea views, + lifts a mind out to the skies. All England it seemed was there to Benham's + vision, and the purpose of the English, and his own purpose in the world. + For a long time he surveyed the large delicacy of the detail before him, + the crests, the tree-protected houses, the fields and farmsteads, the + distant gleams of water. And then he became interested in the men who were + working in the chalk pit down below. + </p> + <p> + They at any rate were not troubled with the problem of what to do with + their lives. + </p> + <p> + 13 + </p> + <p> + Benham found his mind was now running clear, and so abundantly that he + could scarcely, he felt, keep pace with it. As he thought his flow of + ideas was tinged with a fear that he might forget what he was thinking. In + an instant, for the first time in his mental existence, he could have + imagined he had discovered Labour and seen it plain. A little while ago + and he had seemed a lonely man among the hills, but indeed he was not + lonely, these men had been with him all the time, and he was free to + wander, to sit here, to think and choose simply because those men down + there were not free. HE WAS SPENDING THEIR LEISURE.... Not once but many + times with Prothero had he used the phrase RICHESSE OBLIGE. Now he + remembered it. He began to remember a mass of ideas that had been overlaid + and stifling within him. This was what Merkle and the club servants and + the entertainments and engagements and his mother and the artistic touts + and the theatrical touts and the hunting and the elaboration of games and—Mrs. + Skelmersdale and all that had clustered thickly round him in London had + been hiding from him. Those men below there had not been trusted to choose + their work; they had been given it. And he had been trusted.... + </p> + <p> + And now to grapple with it! Now to get it clear! What work was he going to + do? That settled, he would deal with his distractions readily enough. + Until that was settled he was lax and exposed to every passing breeze of + invitation. + </p> + <p> + “What work am I going to do? What work am I going to do?” He repeated it. + </p> + <p> + It is the only question for the aristocrat. What amusement? That for a + footman on holiday. That for a silly child, for any creature that is kept + or led or driven. That perhaps for a tired invalid, for a toiler worked to + a rag. But able-bodied amusement! The arms of Mrs. Skelmersdale were no + worse than the solemn aimlessness of hunting, and an evening of dalliance + not an atom more reprehensible than an evening of chatter. It was the + waste of him that made the sin. His life in London had been of a piece + together. It was well that his intrigue had set a light on it, put a point + to it, given him this saving crisis of the nerves. That, indeed, is the + chief superiority of idle love-making over other more prevalent forms of + idleness and self-indulgence; it does at least bear its proper label. It + is reprehensible. It brings your careless honour to the challenge of + concealment and shabby evasions and lies.... + </p> + <p> + But in this pellucid air things took their proper proportions again. + </p> + <p> + And now what was he to do? + </p> + <p> + “Politics,” he said aloud to the turf and the sky. + </p> + <p> + Is there any other work for an aristocratic man?... Science? One could + admit science in that larger sense that sweeps in History, or Philosophy. + Beyond that whatever work there is is work for which men are paid. Art? + Art is nothing aristocratic except when it is a means of scientific or + philosophical expression. Art that does not argue nor demonstrate nor + discover is merely the craftsman's impudence. + </p> + <p> + He pulled up at this and reflected for a time with some distinguished + instances in his mind. They were so distinguished, so dignified, they took + their various arts with so admirable a gravity that the soul of this young + man recoiled from the verdicts to which his reasoning drove him. “It's not + for me to judge them,” he decided, “except in relation to myself. For them + there may be tremendous significances in Art. But if these do not appear + to me, then so far as I am concerned they do not exist for me. They are + not in my world. So far as they attempt to invade me and control my + attitudes or my outlook, or to judge me in any way, there is no question + of their impudence. Impudence is the word for it. My world is real. I want + to be really aristocratic, really brave, really paying for the privilege + of not being a driven worker. The things the artist makes are like the + things my private dream-artist makes, relaxing, distracting. What can Art + at its greatest be, pure Art that is, but a more splendid, more permanent, + transmissible reverie! The very essence of what I am after is NOT to be an + artist....” + </p> + <p> + After a large and serious movement through his mind he came back to + Science, Philosophy or Politics as the sole three justifications for the + usurpation of leisure. + </p> + <p> + So far as devotion to science went, he knew he had no specific aptitude + for any departmentalized subject, and equally he felt no natural call to + philosophy. He was left with politics.... + </p> + <p> + “Or else, why shouldn't I go down there and pick up a shovel and set to + work? To make leisure for my betters....” + </p> + <p> + And now it was that he could take up the real trouble that more than + anything else had been keeping him ineffective and the prey of every + chance demand and temptation during the last ten months. He had not been + able to get himself into politics, and the reason why he had not been able + to do so was that he could not induce himself to fit in. Statecraft was a + remote and faded thing in the political life of the time; politics was a + choice of two sides in a game, and either side he found equally + unattractive. Since he had come down from Cambridge the Tariff Reform + people had gone far to capture the Conservative party. There was little + chance of a candidature for him without an adhesion to that. And he could + find nothing he could imagine himself working for in the declarations of + the Tariff Reform people. He distrusted them, he disliked them. They took + all the light and pride out of imperialism, they reduced it to a shabby + conspiracy of the British and their colonies against foreign + industrialism. They were violent for armaments and hostile to education. + They could give him no assurance of any scheme of growth and unification, + and no guarantees against the manifest dangers of economic disturbance and + political corruption a tariff involves. Imperialism without noble + imaginations, it seemed to him, was simply nationalism with megalomania. + It was swaggering, it was greed, it was German; its enthusiasm was forced, + its nobility a vulgar lie. No. And when he turned to the opposite party he + found little that was more attractive. They were prepared, it seemed, if + they came into office, to pull the legislature of the British Isles to + pieces in obedience to the Irish demand for Home Rule, and they were + totally unprepared with any scheme for doing this that had even a chance + of success. In the twenty years that had elapsed since Gladstone's hasty + and disastrous essay in political surgery they had studied nothing, learnt + nothing, produced no ideas whatever in the matter. They had not had the + time. They had just negotiated, like the mere politicians they were, for + the Nationalist vote. They seemed to hope that by a marvel God would + pacify Ulster. Lord Dunraven, Plunkett, were voices crying in the + wilderness. The sides in the party game would as soon have heeded a + poet.... But unless Benham was prepared to subscribe either to Home Rule + or Tariff Reform there was no way whatever open to him into public life. + He had had some decisive conversations. He had no illusions left upon that + score.... + </p> + <p> + Here was the real barrier that had kept him inactive for ten months. Here + was the problem he had to solve. This was how he had been left out of + active things, a prey to distractions, excitements, idle temptations—and + Mrs. Skelmersdale. + </p> + <p> + Running away to shoot big game or explore wildernesses was no remedy. That + was just running away. Aristocrats do not run away. What of his debt to + those men down there in the quarry? What of his debt to the unseen men in + the mines away in the north? What of his debt to the stokers on the + liners, and to the clerks in the city? He reiterated the cardinal article + of his creed: The aristocrat is a privileged man in order that he may be a + public and political man. + </p> + <p> + But how is one to be a political man when one is not in politics? + </p> + <p> + Benham frowned at the Weald. His ideas were running thin. + </p> + <p> + He might hammer at politics from the outside. And then again how? He would + make a list of all the things that he might do. For example he might + write. He rested one hand on his knee and lifted one finger and regarded + it. COULD he write? There were one or two men who ran papers and seemed to + have a sort of independent influence. Strachey, for example, with his + SPECTATOR; Maxse, with his NATIONAL REVIEW. But they were grown up, they + had formed their ideas. He had to learn first. + </p> + <p> + He lifted a second finger. How to learn? For it was learning that he had + to do. + </p> + <p> + When one comes down from Oxford or Cambridge one falls into the mistake of + thinking that learning is over and action must begin. But until one + perceives clearly just where one stands action is impossible. + </p> + <p> + How is one with no experience of affairs to get an experience of affairs + when the door of affairs is closed to one by one's own convictions? + Outside of affairs how can one escape being flimsy? How can one escape + becoming merely an intellectual like those wordy Fabians, those writers, + poseurs, and sham publicists whose wrangles he had attended? And, + moreover, there is danger in the leisure of your intellectual. One cannot + be always reading and thinking and discussing and inquiring.... WOULD IT + NOT BE BETTER AFTER ALL TO MAKE A CONCESSION, SWALLOW HOME RULE OR TARIFF + REFORM, AND SO AT LEAST GET HIS HANDS ON THINGS? + </p> + <p> + And then in a little while the party conflict would swallow him up? + </p> + <p> + Still it would engage him, it would hold him. If, perhaps, he did not let + it swallow him up. If he worked with an eye open for opportunities of + self-assertion.... + </p> + <p> + The party game had not altogether swallowed “Mr. Arthur.”... + </p> + <p> + But every one is not a Balfour.... + </p> + <p> + He reflected profoundly. On his left knee his left hand rested with two + fingers held up. By some rapid mental alchemy these fingers had now become + Home Rule and Tariff Reform. His right hand which had hitherto taken no + part in the controversy, had raised its index finger by imperceptible + degrees. It had been raised almost subconsciously. And by still obscurer + processes this finger had become Mrs. Skelmersdale. He recognized her + sudden reappearance above the threshold of consciousness with mild + surprise. He had almost forgotten her share in these problems. He had + supposed her dismissed to an entirely subordinate position.... + </p> + <p> + Then he perceived that the workmen in the chalk pit far below had knocked + off and were engaged upon their midday meal. He understood why his mind + was no longer moving forward with any alacrity. + </p> + <p> + Food? + </p> + <p> + The question where he should eat arose abruptly and dismissed all other + problems from his mind. He unfolded a map. Here must be the chalk pit, + here was Dorking. That village was Brockham Green. Should he go down to + Dorking or this way over Box Hill to the little inn at Burford Bridge. He + would try the latter. + </p> + <p> + 14 + </p> + <p> + The April sunset found our young man talking to himself for greater + emphasis, and wandering along a turfy cart-track through a wilderness + mysteriously planted with great bushes of rhododendra on the Downs above + Shere. He had eaten a belated lunch at Burford Bridge, he had got some tea + at a little inn near a church with a splendid yew tree, and for the rest + of the time he had wandered and thought. He had travelled perhaps a dozen + or fifteen miles, and a good way from his first meditations above the + Dorking chalk pit. + </p> + <p> + He had recovered long ago from that remarkable conception of an active if + dishonest political career as a means of escaping Mrs. Skelmersdale and + all that Mrs. Skelmersdale symbolized. That would be just louting from one + bad thing to another. He had to settle Mrs. Skelmersdale clean and right, + and he had to do as exquisitely right in politics as he could devise. If + the public life of the country had got itself into a stupid antagonism of + two undesirable things, the only course for a sane man of honour was to + stand out from the parties and try and get them back to sound issues + again. There must be endless people of a mind with himself in this matter. + And even if there were not, if he was the only man in the world, he still + had to follow his lights and do the right. And his business was to find + out the right.... + </p> + <p> + He came back from these imaginative excursions into contemporary politics + with one idea confirmed in his mind, an idea that had been indeed already + in his mind during his Cambridge days. This was the idea of working out + for himself, thoroughly and completely, a political scheme, a theory of + his work and duty in the world, a plan of the world's future that should + give a rule for his life. The Research Magnificent was emerging. It was an + alarmingly vast proposal, but he could see no alternative but submission, + a plebeian's submission to the currents of life about him. + </p> + <p> + Little pictures began to flit before his imagination of the way in which + he might build up this tremendous inquiry. He would begin by hunting up + people, everybody who seemed to have ideas and promise ideas he would get + at. He would travel far—and exhaustively. He would, so soon as the + ideas seemed to indicate it, hunt out facts. He would learn how the world + was governed. He would learn how it did its thinking. He would live + sparingly. (“Not TOO sparingly,” something interpolated.) He would work + ten or twelve hours a day. Such a course of investigation must pass almost + of its own accord into action and realization. He need not trouble now how + it would bring him into politics. Inevitably somewhere it would bring him + into politics. And he would travel. Almost at once he would travel. It is + the manifest duty of every young aristocrat to travel. Here he was, ruling + India. At any rate, passively, through the mere fact of being English, he + was ruling India. And he knew nothing of India. He knew nothing indeed of + Asia. So soon as he returned to London his preparations for this travel + must begin, he must plot out the men to whom he would go, and so contrive + that also he would go round the world. Perhaps he would get Lionel Maxim + to go with him. Or if Maxim could not come, then possibly Prothero. Some + one surely could be found, some one thinking and talking of statecraft and + the larger idea of life. All the world is not swallowed up in every + day.... + </p> + <p> + 15 + </p> + <p> + His mind shifted very suddenly from these large proposals to an entirely + different theme. These mental landslips are not unusual when men are + thinking hard and wandering. He found himself holding a trial upon himself + for Presumptuousness, for setting himself up against the wisdom of the + ages, and the decisions of all the established men in the world, for being + in short a Presumptuous Sort of Ass. He was judge and jury and prosecutor, + but rather inexplicably the defence was conducted in an irregular and + undignified way by some inferior stratum of his being. + </p> + <p> + At first the defence contented itself with arguments that did at least aim + to rebut the indictment. The decisions of all the established men in the + world were notoriously in conflict. However great was the gross wisdom of + the ages the net wisdom was remarkably small. Was it after all so very + immodest to believe that the Liberals were right in what they said about + Tariff Reform, and the Tories right in their criticism of Home Rule? + </p> + <p> + And then suddenly the defence threw aside its mask and insisted that + Benham had to take this presumptuous line because there was no other + tolerable line possible for him. + </p> + <p> + “Better die with the Excelsior chap up the mountains,” the defence + interjected. + </p> + <p> + Than what? + </p> + <p> + Consider the quality Benham had already betrayed. He was manifestly + incapable of a decent modest mediocre existence. Already he had ceased to + be—if one may use so fine a word for genteel abstinence—virtuous. + He didn't ride well, he hadn't good hands, and he hadn't good hands for + life. He must go hard and harsh, high or low. He was a man who needed BITE + in his life. He was exceptionally capable of boredom. He had been bored by + London. Social occasions irritated him, several times he had come near to + gross incivilities, art annoyed him, sport was an effort, wholesome + perhaps, but unattractive, music he loved, but it excited him. The + defendant broke the sunset calm by uttering amazing and improper phrases. + </p> + <p> + “I can't smug about in a state of falsified righteousness like these + Crampton chaps. + </p> + <p> + “I shall roll in women. I shall rollick in women. If, that is, I stay in + London with nothing more to do than I have had this year past. + </p> + <p> + “I've been sliding fast to it.... + </p> + <p> + “NO! I'M DAMNED IF I DO!...” 16 + </p> + <p> + For some time he had been bothered by a sense of something, something + else, awaiting his attention. Now it came swimming up into his + consciousness. He had forgotten. He was, of course, going to sleep out + under the stars. + </p> + <p> + He had settled that overnight, that was why he had this cloak in his + rucksack, but he had settled none of the details. Now he must find some + place where he could lie down. Here, perhaps, in this strange forgotten + wilderness of rhododendra. + </p> + <p> + He turned off from the track and wandered among the bushes. One might lie + down anywhere here. But not yet; it was as yet barely twilight. He + consulted his watch. HALF-PAST SEVEN. + </p> + <p> + Nearly dinner-time.... + </p> + <p> + No doubt Christian during the earlier stages of his pilgrimage noticed the + recurrence of the old familiar hours of his life of emptiness and vanity. + Or rather of vanity—simply. Why drag in the thought of emptiness + just at this point?... + </p> + <p> + It was very early to go to bed. + </p> + <p> + He might perhaps sit and think for a time. Here for example was a mossy + bank, a seat, and presently a bed. So far there were only three stars + visible but more would come. He dropped into a reclining attitude. DAMP! + </p> + <p> + When one thinks of sleeping out under the stars one is apt to forget the + dew. + </p> + <p> + He spread his Swiss cloak out on the soft thick carpeting of herbs and + moss, and arranged his knapsack as a pillow. Here he would lie and + recapitulate the thoughts of the day. (That squealing might be a young + fox.) At the club at present men would be sitting about holding themselves + back from dinner. Excellent the clear soup always was at the club! Then + perhaps a Chateaubriand. That—what was that? Soft and large and + quite near and noiseless. An owl! + </p> + <p> + The damp feeling was coming through his cloak. And this April night air + had a knife edge. Early ice coming down the Atlantic perhaps. It was + wonderful to be here on the top of the round world and feel the icebergs + away there. Or did this wind come from Russia? He wasn't quite clear just + how he was oriented, he had turned about so much. Which was east? Anyhow + it was an extremely cold wind. + </p> + <p> + What had he been thinking? Suppose after all that ending with Mrs. + Skelmersdale was simply a beginning. So far he had never looked sex in the + face.... + </p> + <p> + He sat up and sneezed violently. + </p> + <p> + It would be ridiculous to start out seeking the clue to one's life and be + driven home by rheumatic fever. One should not therefore incur the risk of + rheumatic fever. + </p> + <p> + Something squealed in the bushes. + </p> + <p> + It was impossible to collect one's thoughts in this place. He stood up. + The night was going to be bitterly cold, savagely, cruelly cold.... + </p> + <p> + No. There was no thinking to be done here, no thinking at all. He would go + on along the track and presently he would strike a road and so come to an + inn. One can solve no problems when one is engaged in a struggle with the + elements. The thing to do now was to find that track again.... + </p> + <p> + It took Benham two hours of stumbling and walking, with a little fence + climbing and some barbed wire thrown in, before he got down into Shere to + the shelter of a friendly little inn. And then he negotiated a satisfying + meal, with beef-steak as its central fact, and stipulated for a fire in + his bedroom. + </p> + <p> + The landlord was a pleasant-faced man; he attended to Benham himself and + displayed a fine sense of comfort. He could produce wine, a half-bottle of + Australian hock, Big Tree brand No. 8, a virile wine, he thought of + sardines to precede the meal, he provided a substantial Welsh rarebit by + way of a savoury, he did not mind in the least that it was nearly ten + o'clock. He ended by suggesting coffee. “And a liqueur?” + </p> + <p> + Benham had some Benedictine! + </p> + <p> + One could not slight such sympathetic helpfulness. The Benedictine was + genuine. And then came the coffee. + </p> + <p> + The cup of coffee was generously conceived and honestly made. + </p> + <p> + A night of clear melancholy ensued.... + </p> + <p> + 17 + </p> + <p> + Hitherto Benham had not faced in any detail the problem of how to break + with Mrs. Skelmersdale. Now he faced it pessimistically. She would, he + knew, be difficult to break with. (He ought never to have gone there to + lunch.) There would be something ridiculous in breaking off. In all sorts + of ways she might resist. And face to face with her he might find himself + a man divided against himself. That opened preposterous possibilities. On + the other hand it was out of the question to do the business by letter. A + letter hits too hard; it lies too heavy on the wound it has made. And in + money matters he could be generous. He must be generous. At least + financial worries need not complicate her distresses of desertion. But to + suggest such generosities on paper, in cold ink, would be outrageous. And, + in brief—he ought not to have gone there to lunch. After that he + began composing letters at a great rate. Delicate—explanatory. Was + it on the whole best to be explanatory?... + </p> + <p> + It was going to be a tremendous job, this breaking with her. And it had + begun so easily.... + </p> + <p> + There was, he remembered with amazing vividness, a little hollow he had + found under her ear, and how when he kissed her there it always made her + forget her worries and ethical problems for a time and turn to him.... + </p> + <p> + “No,” he said grimly, “it must end,” and rolled over and stared at the + black.... + </p> + <p> + Like an insidious pedlar, that old rascal whom young literary gentlemen + call the Great God Pan, began to spread his wares in the young man's + memory.... + </p> + <p> + After long and feverish wanderings of the mind, and some talking to + himself and walking about the room, he did at last get a little away from + Mrs. Skelmersdale. + </p> + <p> + He perceived that when he came to tell his mother about this journey + around the world there would be great difficulties. She would object very + strongly, and if that did not do then she would become extremely abusive, + compare him to his father, cry bitterly, and banish him suddenly and + heartbrokenly from her presence for ever. She had done that twice already—once + about going to the opera instead of listening to a lecture on Indian + ethnology and once about a week-end in Kent.... He hated hurting his + mother, and he was beginning to know now how easily she was hurt. It is an + abominable thing to hurt one's mother—whether one has a + justification or whether one hasn't. + </p> + <p> + Recoiling from this, he was at once resumed by Mrs. Skelmersdale. Who had + in fact an effect of really never having been out of the room. But now he + became penitent about her. His penitence expanded until it was on a + nightmare scale. At last it blotted out the heavens. He felt like one of + those unfortunate victims of religious mania who are convinced they have + committed the Sin against the Holy Ghost. (Why had he gone there to lunch? + That was the key to it. WHY had he gone there to lunch?)... He began to + have remorse for everything, for everything he had ever done, for + everything he had ever not done, for everything in the world. In a moment + of lucidity he even had remorse for drinking that stout honest cup of + black coffee.... + </p> + <p> + And so on and so on and so on.... + </p> + <p> + When daylight came it found Benham still wide awake. Things crept + mournfully out of the darkness into a reproachful clearness. The sound of + birds that had been so delightful on the yesterday was now no longer + agreeable. The thrushes, he thought, repeated themselves a great deal. + </p> + <p> + He fell asleep as it seemed only a few minutes before the landlord, + accompanied by a great smell of frying bacon, came to call him. + </p> + <p> + 18 + </p> + <p> + The second day opened rather dully for Benham. There was not an idea left + in his head about anything in the world. It was—SOLID. He walked + through Bramley and Godalming and Witley and so came out upon the purple + waste of Hindhead. He strayed away from the road and found a sunny place + of turf amidst the heather and lay down and slept for an hour or so. He + arose refreshed. He got some food at the Huts Inn on the Hindhead crest + and went on across sunlit heathery wildernesses variegated by patches of + spruce and fir and silver birch. And then suddenly his mental inanition + was at an end and his thoughts were wide and brave again. He was + astonished that for a moment he could have forgotten that he was vowed to + the splendid life. + </p> + <p> + “Continence by preoccupation;” he tried the phrase.... + </p> + <p> + “A man must not give in to fear; neither must he give in to sex. It's the + same thing really. The misleading of instinct.” + </p> + <p> + This set the key of his thought throughout the afternoon—until + Amanda happened to him. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THE THIRD ~~ AMANDA + </h2> + <p> + 1 + </p> + <p> + Amanda happened to Benham very suddenly. + </p> + <p> + From Haslemere he had gone on to further heaths and gorse beyond Liphook, + and thence he had wandered into a pretty district beset with Hartings. He + had found himself upon a sandy ridge looking very beautifully into a + sudden steep valley that he learnt was Harting Coombe; he had been through + a West Harting and a South Harting and read finger-posts pointing to + others of the clan; and in the evening, at the foot of a steep hill where + two roads met, he sat down to consider whether he should go back and spend + the night in one of the two kindly-looking inns of the latter place or + push on over the South Downs towards the unknown luck of Singleton or + Chichester. As he sat down two big retrievers, black and brown, came + headlong down the road. The black carried a stick, the brown disputed and + pursued. As they came abreast of him the foremost a little relaxed his + hold, the pursuer grabbed at it, and in an instant the rivalry had flared + to rage and a first-class dogfight was in progress. + </p> + <p> + Benham detested dog-fights. He stood up, pale and distressed. “Lie down!” + he cried. “Shut up, you brutes!” and was at a loss for further action. + </p> + <p> + Then it was Amanda leapt into his world, a light, tall figure of a girl, + fluttering a short petticoat. Hatless she was, brown, flushed, and her + dark hair tossing loose, and in a moment she had the snarling furious dogs + apart, each gripped firmly by its collar. Then with a wriggle black was + loose and had closed again. Inspired by the best traditions of chivalry + Benham came to her assistance. He was not expert with dogs. He grasped the + black dog under its ear. He was bitten in the wrist, rather in excitement + than malice, and with a certain excess of zeal he was strangling the brute + before you could count ten. + </p> + <p> + Amanda seized the fallen stick and whacked the dog she held, reasonably + but effectively until its yelps satisfied her. “There!” she said pitching + her victim from her, and stood erect again. She surveyed the proceedings + of her helper for the first time. + </p> + <p> + “You needn't,” she said, “choke Sultan anymore.” + </p> + <p> + “Ugh!” she said, as though that was enough for Sultan. And peace was + restored. + </p> + <p> + “I'm obliged to you. But—... I say! He didn't bite you, did he? Oh, + SULTAN!” + </p> + <p> + Sultan tried to express his disgust at the affair. Rotten business. When a + fellow is fighting one can't be meticulous. And if people come + interfering. Still—SORRY! So Sultan by his code of eye and tail. + </p> + <p> + “May I see?... Something ought to be done to this....” + </p> + <p> + She took his wrist in her hand, and her cheek and eyelashes came within a + foot of his face. + </p> + <p> + Some observant element in his composition guessed, and guessed quite + accurately, that she was nineteen.... + </p> + <p> + 2 + </p> + <p> + She had an eyebrow like a quick stroke of a camel's-hair brush, she had a + glowing face, half childish imp, half woman, she had honest hazel eyes, a + voice all music, a manifest decision of character. And he must have this + bite seen to at once. She lived not five minutes away. He must come with + her. + </p> + <p> + She had an aunt who behaved like a mother and a mother who behaved like a + genteel visitor, and they both agreed with Amanda that although Mr. Walter + Long and his dreadful muzzles and everything did seem to have stamped out + rabies, yet you couldn't be too careful with a dog bite. A dog bite might + be injurious in all sorts of ways—particularly Sultan's bite. He + was, they had to confess, a dog without refinement, a coarse-minded + omnivorous dog. Both the elder ladies insisted upon regarding Benham's + wound as clear evidence of some gallant rescue of Amanda from imminent + danger—“she's always so RECKLESS with those dogs,” as though Amanda + was not manifestly capable of taking care of herself; and when he had been + Listerined and bandaged, they would have it that he should join them at + their supper-dinner, which was already prepared and waiting. They treated + him as if he were still an undergraduate, they took his arrangements in + hand as though he was a favourite nephew. He must stay in Harting that + night. Both the Ship and the Coach and Horses were excellent inns, and + over the Downs there would be nothing for miles and miles.... + </p> + <p> + The house was a little long house with a verandah and a garden in front of + it with flint-edged paths; the room in which they sat and ate was long and + low and equipped with pieces of misfitting good furniture, an + accidental-looking gilt tarnished mirror, and a sprinkling of old and + middle-aged books. Some one had lit a fire, which cracked and spurted + about cheerfully in a motherly fireplace, and a lamp and some candles got + lit. Mrs. Wilder, Amanda's aunt, a comfortable dark broad-browed woman, + directed things, and sat at the end of the table and placed Benham on her + right hand between herself and Amanda. Amanda's mother remained + undeveloped, a watchful little woman with at least an eyebrow like her + daughter's. Her name, it seemed, was Morris. No servant appeared, but two + cousins of a vague dark picturesqueness and with a stamp of thirty upon + them, the first young women Benham had ever seen dressed in djibbahs, sat + at the table or moved about and attended to the simple needs of the + service. The reconciled dogs were in the room and shifted inquiring noses + from one human being to another. + </p> + <p> + Amanda's people were so easy and intelligent and friendly, and Benham + after his thirty hours of silence so freshly ready for human association, + that in a very little while he could have imagined he had known and + trusted this household for years. He had never met such people before, and + yet there was something about them that seemed familiar—and then it + occurred to him that something of their easy-going freedom was to be found + in Russian novels. A photographic enlargement of somebody with a + vegetarian expression of face and a special kind of slouch hat gave the + atmosphere a flavour of Socialism, and a press and tools and stamps and + pigments on an oak table in the corner suggested some such socialistic art + as bookbinding. They were clearly 'advanced' people. And Amanda was + tremendously important to them, she was their light, their pride, their + most living thing. They focussed on her. When he talked to them all in + general he talked to her in particular. He felt that some introduction of + himself was due to these welcoming people. He tried to give it mixed with + an itinerary and a sketch of his experiences. He praised the heather + country and Harting Coombe and the Hartings. He told them that London had + suddenly become intolerable—“In the spring sunshine.” + </p> + <p> + “You live in London?” said Mrs. Wilder. + </p> + <p> + Yes. And he had wanted to think things out. In London one could do no + thinking— + </p> + <p> + “Here we do nothing else,” said Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “Except dog-fights,” said the elder cousin. + </p> + <p> + “I thought I would just wander and think and sleep in the open air. Have + you ever tried to sleep in the open air?” + </p> + <p> + “In the summer we all do,” said the younger cousin. “Amanda makes us. We + go out on to the little lawn at the back.” + </p> + <p> + “You see Amanda has some friends at Limpsfield. And there they all go out + and camp and sleep in the woods.” + </p> + <p> + “Of course,” reflected Mrs. Wilder, “in April it must be different.” + </p> + <p> + “It IS different,” said Benham with feeling; “the night comes five hours + too soon. And it comes wet.” He described his experiences and his flight + to Shere and the kindly landlord and the cup of coffee. “And after that I + thought with a vengeance.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you write things?” asked Amanda abruptly, and it seemed to him with a + note of hope. + </p> + <p> + “No. No, it was just a private puzzle. It was something I couldn't get + straight.” + </p> + <p> + “And you have got it straight?” asked Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “I think so.” + </p> + <p> + “You were making up your mind about something?” + </p> + <p> + “Amanda DEAR!” cried her mother. + </p> + <p> + “Oh! I don't mind telling you,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + They seemed such unusual people that he was moved to unusual confidences. + They had that effect one gets at times with strangers freshly met as + though they were not really in the world. And there was something about + Amanda that made him want to explain himself to her completely. + </p> + <p> + “What I wanted to think about was what I should do with my life.” + </p> + <p> + “Haven't you any WORK—?” asked the elder cousin. + </p> + <p> + “None that I'm obliged to do.” + </p> + <p> + “That's where a man has the advantage,” said Amanda with the tone of + profound reflection. “You can choose. And what are you going to do with + your life?” + </p> + <p> + “Amanda,” her mother protested, “really you mustn't!” + </p> + <p> + “I'm going round the world to think about it,” Benham told her. + </p> + <p> + “I'd give my soul to travel,” said Amanda. + </p> + <p> + She addressed her remark to the salad in front of her. + </p> + <p> + “But have you no ties?” asked Mrs. Wilder. + </p> + <p> + “None that hold me,” said Benham. “I'm one of those unfortunates who + needn't do anything at all. I'm independent. You see my riddles. East and + west and north and south, it's all my way for the taking. There's not an + indication.” + </p> + <p> + “If I were you,” said Amanda, and reflected. Then she half turned herself + to him. “I should go first to India,” she said, “and I should shoot, one, + two, three, yes, three tigers. And then I would see Farukhabad Sikri—I + was reading in a book about it yesterday—where the jungle grows in + the palaces; and then I would go right up the Himalayas, and then, then I + would have a walking tour in Japan, and then I would sail in a sailing + ship down to Borneo and Java and set myself up as a Ranee—... And + then I would think what I would do next.” + </p> + <p> + “All alone, Amanda?” asked Mrs. Wilder. + </p> + <p> + “Only when I shoot tigers. You and mother should certainly come to Japan.” + </p> + <p> + “But Mr. Benham perhaps doesn't intend to shoot tigers, Amanda?” said + Amanda's mother. + </p> + <p> + “Not at once. My way will be a little different. I think I shall go first + through Germany. And then down to Constantinople. And then I've some idea + of getting across Asia Minor and Persia to India. That would take some + time. One must ride.” + </p> + <p> + “Asia Minor ought to be fun,” said Amanda. “But I should prefer India + because of the tigers. It would be so jolly to begin with the tigers right + away.” + </p> + <p> + “It is the towns and governments and peoples I want to see rather than + tigers,” said Benham. “Tigers if they are in the programme. But I want to + find out about—other things.” + </p> + <p> + “Don't you think there's something to be found out at home?” said the + elder cousin, blushing very brightly and speaking with the effort of one + who speaks for conscience' sake. + </p> + <p> + “Betty's a Socialist,” Amanda said to Benham with a suspicion of apology. + </p> + <p> + “Well, we're all rather that,” Mrs. Wilder protested. + </p> + <p> + “If you are free, if you are independent, then don't you owe something to + the workers?” Betty went on, getting graver and redder with each word. + </p> + <p> + “It's just because of that,” said Benham, “that I am going round the + world.” + </p> + <p> + 3 + </p> + <p> + He was as free with these odd people as if he had been talking to + Prothero. They were—alert. And he had been alone and silent and full + of thinking for two clear days. He tried to explain why he found Socialism + at once obvious and inadequate.... + </p> + <p> + Presently the supper things got themselves put away and the talk moved + into a smaller room with several armchairs and a fire. Mrs. Wilder and the + cousins and Amanda each smoked a cigarette as if it were symbolical, and + they were joined by a grave grey-bearded man with a hyphenated name and + slightly Socratic manner, dressed in a very blue linen shirt and collar, a + very woolly mustard-coloured suit and loose tie, and manifestly devoted to + one of those branches of exemplary domestic decoration that grow upon + Socialist soil in England. He joined Betty in the opinion that the duty of + a free and wealthy young man was to remain in England and give himself to + democratic Socialism and the abolition of “profiteering.” “Consider that + chair,” he said. But Benham had little feeling for the craftsmanship of + chairs. + </p> + <p> + Under cross-examination Mr. Rathbone-Sanders became entangled and + prophetic. It was evident he had never thought out his “democratic,” he + had rested in some vague tangle of idealism from which Benham now set + himself with the zeal of a specialist to rout him. Such an argument sprang + up as one meets with rarely beyond the happy undergraduate's range. + Everybody lived in the discussion, even Amanda's mother listened visibly. + Betty said she herself was certainly democratic and Mrs. Wilder had always + thought herself to be so, and outside the circle round the fire Amanda + hovered impatiently, not quite sure of her side as yet, but eager to come + down with emphasis at the first flash of intimation. + </p> + <p> + She came down vehemently on Benham's. + </p> + <p> + And being a very clear-cutting personality with an instinct for the + material rendering of things, she also came and sat beside him on the + little square-cornered sofa. + </p> + <p> + “Of course, Mr. Rathbone-Sanders,” she said, “of course the world must + belong to the people who dare. Of course people aren't all alike, and dull + people, as Mr. Benham says, and spiteful people, and narrow people have no + right to any voice at all in things....” + </p> + <p> + 4 + </p> + <p> + In saying this she did but echo Benham's very words, and all she said and + did that evening was in quick response to Benham's earnest expression of + his views. She found Benham a delightful novelty. She liked to argue + because there was no other talk so lively, and she had perhaps a lurking + intellectual grudge against Mr. Rathbone-Sanders that made her welcome an + ally. Everything from her that night that even verges upon the notable has + been told, and yet it sufficed, together with something in the clear, long + line of her limbs, in her voice, in her general physical quality, to + convince Benham that she was the freest, finest, bravest spirit that he + had ever encountered. + </p> + <p> + In the papers he left behind him was to be found his perplexed endeavours + to explain this mental leap, that after all his efforts still remained + unexplained. He had been vividly impressed by the decision and courage of + her treatment of the dogs; it was just the sort of thing he could not do. + And there was a certain contagiousness in the petting admiration with + which her family treated her. But she was young and healthy and so was he, + and in a second mystery lies the key of the first. He had fallen in love + with her, and that being so whatever he needed that instantly she was. He + needed a companion, clean and brave and understanding.... + </p> + <p> + In his bed in the Ship that night he thought of nothing but her before he + went to sleep, and when next morning he walked on his way over the South + Downs to Chichester his mind was full of her image and of a hundred + pleasant things about her. In his confessions he wrote, “I felt there was + a sword in her spirit. I felt she was as clean as the wind.” + </p> + <p> + Love is the most chastening of powers, and he did not even remember now + that two days before he had told the wind and the twilight that he would + certainly “roll and rollick in women” unless there was work for him to do. + She had a peculiarly swift and easy stride that went with him in his + thoughts along the turf by the wayside halfway and more to Chichester. He + thought always of the two of them as being side by side. His imagination + became childishly romantic. The open down about him with its scrub of + thorn and yew became the wilderness of the world, and through it they went—in + armour, weightless armour—and they wore long swords. There was a + breeze blowing and larks were singing and something, something dark and + tortuous dashed suddenly in headlong flight from before their feet. It was + an ethical problem such as those Mrs. Skelmersdale nursed in her bosom. + But at the sight of Amanda it had straightened out—and fled.... + </p> + <p> + And interweaving with such imaginings, he was some day to record, there + were others. She had brought back to his memory the fancies that had been + aroused in his first reading of Plato's REPUBLIC; she made him think of + those women Guardians, who were the friends and mates of men. He wanted + now to re-read that book and the LAWS. He could not remember if the + Guardians were done in the LAWS as well as in the REPUBLIC. He wished he + had both these books in his rucksack, but as he had not, he decided he + would hunt for them in Chichester. When would he see Amanda again? He + would ask his mother to make the acquaintance of these very interesting + people, but as they did not come to London very much it might be some time + before he had a chance of seeing her again. And, besides, he was going to + America and India. The prospect of an exploration of the world was still + noble and attractive; but he realized it would stand very much in the way + of his seeing more of Amanda. Would it be a startling and unforgivable + thing if presently he began to write to her? Girls of that age and spirit + living in out-of-the-way villages have been known to marry.... + </p> + <p> + Marriage didn't at this stage strike Benham as an agreeable aspect of + Amanda's possibilities; it was an inconvenience; his mind was running in + the direction of pedestrian tours in armour of no particular weight, + amidst scenery of a romantic wildness.... + </p> + <p> + When he had gone to the house and taken his leave that morning it had + seemed quite in the vein of the establishment that he should be received + by Amanda alone and taken up the long garden before anybody else appeared, + to see the daffodils and the early apple-trees in blossom and the + pear-trees white and delicious. + </p> + <p> + Then he had taken his leave of them all and made his social tentatives. + Did they ever come to London? When they did they must let his people know. + He would so like them to know his mother, Lady Marayne. And so on with + much gratitude. + </p> + <p> + Amanda had said that she and the dogs would come with him up the hill, she + had said it exactly as a boy might have said it, she had brought him up to + the corner of Up Park and had sat down there on a heap of stones and + watched him until he was out of sight, waving to him when he looked back. + “Come back again,” she had cried. + </p> + <p> + In Chichester he found a little green-bound REPUBLIC in a second-hand + book-shop near the Cathedral, but there was no copy of the LAWS to be + found in the place. Then he was taken with the brilliant idea of sleeping + the night in Chichester and going back next day via Harting to Petersfield + station and London. He carried out this scheme and got to South Harting + neatly about four o'clock in the afternoon. He found Mrs. Wilder and Mrs. + Morris and Amanda and the dogs entertaining Mr. Rathbone-Sanders at tea, + and they all seemed a little surprised, and, except Mr. Rathbone-Sanders, + they all seemed pleased to see him again so soon. His explanation of why + he hadn't gone back to London from Chichester struck him as a little + unconvincing in the cold light of Mr. Rathbone-Sanders' eye. But Amanda + was manifestly excited by his return, and he told them his impressions of + Chichester and described the entertainment of the evening guest at a + country inn and suddenly produced his copy of the REPUBLIC. “I found this + in a book-shop,” he said, “and I brought it for you, because it describes + one of the best dreams of aristocracy there has ever been dreamt.” + </p> + <p> + At first she praised it as a pretty book in the dearest little binding, + and then realized that there were deeper implications, and became grave + and said she would read it through and through, she loved such speculative + reading. + </p> + <p> + She came to the door with the others and stayed at the door after they had + gone in again. When he looked back at the corner of the road to + Petersfield she was still at the door and waved farewell to him. + </p> + <p> + He only saw a light slender figure, but when she came back into the + sitting-room Mr. Rathbone-Sanders noted the faint flush in her cheek and + an unwonted abstraction in her eye. + </p> + <p> + And in the evening she tucked her feet up in the armchair by the lamp and + read the REPUBLIC very intently and very thoughtfully, occasionally + turning over a page. + </p> + <p> + 5 + </p> + <p> + When Benham got back to London he experienced an unwonted desire to + perform his social obligations to the utmost. + </p> + <p> + So soon as he had had some dinner at his club he wrote his South Harting + friends a most agreeable letter of thanks for their kindness to him. In a + little while he hoped he should see them again. His mother, too, was most + desirous to meet them.... That done, he went on to his flat and to various + aspects of life for which he was quite unprepared. + </p> + <p> + But here we may note that Amanda answered him. Her reply came some four + days later. It was written in a square schoolgirl hand, it covered three + sheets of notepaper, and it was a very intelligent essay upon the REPUBLIC + of Plato. “Of course,” she wrote, “the Guardians are inhuman, but it was a + glorious sort of inhumanity. They had a spirit—like sharp knives + cutting through life.” + </p> + <p> + It was her best bit of phrasing and it pleased Benham very much. But, + indeed, it was not her own phrasing, she had culled it from a disquisition + into which she had led Mr. Rathbone-Sanders, and she had sent it to Benham + as she might have sent him a flower. + </p> + <p> + 6 + </p> + <p> + Benham re-entered the flat from which he had fled so precipitately with + three very definite plans in his mind. The first was to set out upon his + grand tour of the world with as little delay as possible, to shut up this + Finacue Street establishment for a long time, and get rid of the + soul-destroying perfections of Merkle. The second was to end his + ill-advised intimacy with little Mrs. Skelmersdale as generously and + cheerfully as possible. The third was to bring Lady Marayne into social + relations with the Wilder and Morris MENAGE at South Harting. It did not + strike him that there was any incompatibility among these projects or any + insurmountable difficulty in any of them until he was back in his flat. + </p> + <p> + The accumulation of letters, packages and telephone memoranda upon his + desk included a number of notes and slips to remind him that both Mrs. + Skelmersdale and his mother were ladies of some determination. Even as he + stood turning over the pile of documents the mechanical vehemence of the + telephone filled him with a restored sense of the adverse will in things. + “Yes, mam,” he heard Merkle's voice, “yes, mam. I will tell him, mam. Will + you keep possession, mam.” And then in the doorway of the study, “Mrs. + Skelmersdale, sir. Upon the telephone, sir.” + </p> + <p> + Benham reflected with various notes in his hand. Then he went to the + telephone. + </p> + <p> + “You Wicked Boy, where have you been hiding?” + </p> + <p> + “I've been away. I may have to go away again.” + </p> + <p> + “Not before you have seen me. Come round and tell me all about it.” + </p> + <p> + Benham lied about an engagement. + </p> + <p> + “Then to-morrow in the morning.”... Impossible. + </p> + <p> + “In the afternoon. You don't WANT to see me.” Benham did want to see her. + </p> + <p> + “Come round and have a jolly little evening to-morrow night. I've got some + more of that harpsichord music. And I'm dying to see you. Don't you + understand?” + </p> + <p> + Further lies. “Look here,” said Benham, “can you come and have a talk in + Kensington Gardens? You know the place, near that Chinese garden. + Paddington Gate....” + </p> + <p> + The lady's voice fell to flatness. She agreed. “But why not come to see me + HERE?” she asked. + </p> + <p> + Benham hung up the receiver abruptly. + </p> + <p> + He walked slowly back to his study. “Phew!” he whispered to himself. It + was like hitting her in the face. He didn't want to be a brute, but short + of being a brute there was no way out for him from this entanglement. Why, + oh! why the devil had he gone there to lunch?... + </p> + <p> + He resumed his examination of the waiting letters with a ruffled mind. The + most urgent thing about them was the clear evidence of gathering anger on + the part of his mother. He had missed a lunch party at Sir Godfrey's on + Tuesday and a dinner engagement at Philip Magnet's, quite an important + dinner in its way, with various promising young Liberals, on Wednesday + evening. And she was furious at “this stupid mystery. Of course you're + bound to be found out, and of course there will be a scandal.”... He + perceived that this last note was written on his own paper. “Merkle!” he + cried sharply. + </p> + <p> + “Yessir!” + </p> + <p> + Merkle had been just outside, on call. + </p> + <p> + “Did my mother write any of these notes here?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “Two, sir. Her ladyship was round here three times, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Did she see all these letters?” + </p> + <p> + “Not the telephone calls, sir. I 'ad put them on one side. But.... It's a + little thing, sir.” + </p> + <p> + He paused and came a step nearer. “You see, sir,” he explained with the + faintest flavour of the confidential softening his mechanical respect, + “yesterday, when 'er ladyship was 'ere, sir, some one rang up on the + telephone—” + </p> + <p> + “But you, Merkle—” + </p> + <p> + “Exactly, sir. But 'er ladyship said 'I'LL go to that, Merkle,' and just + for a moment I couldn't exactly think 'ow I could manage it, sir, and + there 'er ladyship was, at the telephone. What passed, sir, I couldn't + 'ear. I 'eard her say, 'Any message?' And I FANCY, sir, I 'eard 'er say, + 'I'm the 'ousemaid,' but that, sir, I think must have been a mistake, + sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Must have been,” said Benham. “Certainly—must have been. And the + call you think came from—?” + </p> + <p> + “There again, sir, I'm quite in the dark. But of course, sir, it's usually + Mrs. Skelmersdale, sir. Just about her time in the afternoon. On an + average, sir....” + </p> + <p> + 7 + </p> + <p> + “I went out of London to think about my life.” + </p> + <p> + It was manifest that Lady Marayne did not believe him. + </p> + <p> + “Alone?” she asked. + </p> + <p> + “Of course alone.” + </p> + <p> + “STUFF!” said Lady Marayne. + </p> + <p> + She had taken him into her own little sitting-room, she had thrown aside + gloves and fan and theatre wrap, curled herself comfortably into the + abundantly cushioned corner by the fire, and proceeded to a mixture of + cross-examination and tirade that he found it difficult to make head + against. She was vibrating between distressed solicitude and resentful + anger. She was infuriated at his going away and deeply concerned at what + could have taken him away. “I was worried,” he said. “London is too + crowded to think in. I wanted to get myself alone.” + </p> + <p> + “And there I was while you were getting yourself alone, as you call it, + wearing my poor little brains out to think of some story to tell people. I + had to stuff them up you had a sprained knee at Chexington, and for all I + knew any of them might have been seeing you that morning. Besides what has + a boy like you to worry about? It's all nonsense, Poff.” + </p> + <p> + She awaited his explanations. Benham looked for a moment like his father. + </p> + <p> + “I'm not getting on, mother,” he said. “I'm scattering myself. I'm getting + no grip. I want to get a better hold upon life, or else I do not see what + is to keep me from going to pieces—and wasting existence. It's + rather difficult sometimes to tell what one thinks and feels—” + </p> + <p> + She had not really listened to him. + </p> + <p> + “Who is that woman,” she interrupted suddenly, “Mrs. Fly-by-Night, or some + such name, who rings you up on the telephone?” + </p> + <p> + Benham hesitated, blushed, and regretted it. + </p> + <p> + “Mrs. Skelmersdale,” he said after a little pause. + </p> + <p> + “It's all the same. Who is she?” + </p> + <p> + “She's a woman I met at a studio somewhere, and I went with her to one of + those Dolmetsch concerts.” + </p> + <p> + He stopped. + </p> + <p> + Lady Marayne considered him in silence for a little while. “All men,” she + said at last, “are alike. Husbands, sons and brothers, they are all alike. + Sons! One expects them to be different. They aren't different. Why should + they be? I suppose I ought to be shocked, Poff. But I'm not. She seems to + be very fond of you.” + </p> + <p> + “She's—she's very good—in her way. She's had a difficult + life....” + </p> + <p> + “You can't leave a man about for a moment,” Lady Marayne reflected. “Poff, + I wish you'd fetch me a glass of water.” + </p> + <p> + When he returned she was looking very fixedly into the fire. “Put it + down,” she said, “anywhere. Poff! is this Mrs. Helter-Skelter a discreet + sort of woman? Do you like her?” She asked a few additional particulars + and Benham made his grudging admission of facts. “What I still don't + understand, Poff, is why you have been away.” + </p> + <p> + “I went away,” said Benham, “because I want to clear things up.” + </p> + <p> + “But why? Is there some one else?” + </p> + <p> + “No.” + </p> + <p> + “You went alone? All the time?” + </p> + <p> + “I've told you I went alone. Do you think I tell you lies, mother?” + </p> + <p> + “Everybody tells lies somehow,” said Lady Marayne. “Easy lies or stiff + ones. Don't FLOURISH, Poff. Don't start saying things like a moral + windmill in a whirlwind. It's all a muddle. I suppose every one in London + is getting in or out of these entanglements—or something of the + sort. And this seems a comparatively slight one. I wish it hadn't + happened. They do happen.” + </p> + <p> + An expression of perplexity came into her face. She looked at him. “Why do + you want to throw her over?” + </p> + <p> + “I WANT to throw her over,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + He stood up and went to the hearthrug, and his mother reflected that this + was exactly what all men did at just this phase of a discussion. Then + things ceased to be sensible. + </p> + <p> + From overhead he said to her: “I want to get away from this complication, + this servitude. I want to do some—some work. I want to get my mind + clear and my hands clear. I want to study government and the big business + of the world.” + </p> + <p> + “And she's in the way?” + </p> + <p> + He assented. + </p> + <p> + “You men!” said Lady Marayne after a little pause. “What queer beasts you + are! Here is a woman who is kind to you. She's fond of you. I could tell + she's fond of you directly I heard her. And you amuse yourself with her. + And then it's Gobble, Gobble, Gobble, Great Work, Hands Clear, Big + Business of the World. Why couldn't you think of that before, Poff? Why + did you begin with her?” + </p> + <p> + “It was unexpected....” + </p> + <p> + “STUFF!” said Lady Marayne for a second time. “Well,” she said, “well. + Your Mrs. Fly-by-Night,—oh it doesn't matter!—whatever she + calls herself, must look after herself. I can't do anything for her. I'm + not supposed even to know about her. I daresay she'll find her + consolations. I suppose you want to go out of London and get away from it + all. I can help you there, perhaps. I'm tired of London too. It's been a + tiresome season. Oh! tiresome and disappointing! I want to go over to + Ireland and travel about a little. The Pothercareys want us to come. + They've asked us twice....” + </p> + <p> + Benham braced himself to face fresh difficulties. It was amazing how + different the world could look from his mother's little parlour and from + the crest of the North Downs. + </p> + <p> + “But I want to start round the world,” he cried with a note of acute + distress. “I want to go to Egypt and India and see what is happening in + the East, all this wonderful waking up of the East, I know nothing of the + way the world is going—...” + </p> + <p> + “India!” cried Lady Marayne. “The East. Poff, what is the MATTER with you? + Has something happened—something else? Have you been having a love + affair?—a REAL love affair?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, DAMN love affairs!” cried Benham. “Mother!—I'm sorry, mother! + But don't you see there's other things in the world for a man than having + a good time and making love. I'm for something else than that. You've + given me the splendidest time—...” + </p> + <p> + “I see,” cried Lady Marayne, “I see. I've bored you. I might have known I + should have bored you.” + </p> + <p> + “You've NOT bored me!” cried Benham. + </p> + <p> + He threw himself on the rug at her feet. “Oh, mother!” he said, “little, + dear, gallant mother, don't make life too hard for me. I've got to do my + job, I've got to find my job.” + </p> + <p> + “I've bored you,” she wept. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly she was weeping with all the unconcealed distressing grief of a + disappointed child. She put her pretty be-ringed little hands in front of + her face and recited the accumulation of her woes. + </p> + <p> + “I've done all I can for you, planned for you, given all my time for you + and I've BORED you.” + </p> + <p> + “Mother!” + </p> + <p> + “Don't come near me, Poff! Don't TOUCH me! All my plans. All my ambitions. + Friends—every one. You don't know all I've given up for you....” + </p> + <p> + He had never seen his mother weep before. Her self-abandonment amazed him. + Her words were distorted by her tears. It was the most terrible and + distressing of crises.... + </p> + <p> + “Go away from me! How can you help me? All I've done has been a failure! + Failure! Failure!” + </p> + <p> + 8 + </p> + <p> + That night the silences of Finacue Street heard Benham's voice again. “I + must do my job,” he was repeating, “I must do my job. Anyhow....” + </p> + <p> + And then after a long pause, like a watchword and just a little unsurely: + “Aristocracy....” + </p> + <p> + The next day his resolution had to bear the brunt of a second ordeal. Mrs. + Skelmersdale behaved beautifully and this made everything tormentingly + touching and difficult. She convinced him she was really in love with him, + and indeed if he could have seen his freshness and simplicity through her + experienced eyes he would have known there was sound reason why she should + have found him exceptional. And when his clumsy hints of compensation + could no longer be ignored she treated him with a soft indignation, a + tender resentment, that left him soft and tender. She looked at him with + pained eyes and a quiver of the lips. What did he think she was? And then + a little less credibly, did he think she would have given herself to him + if she hadn't been in love with him? Perhaps that was not altogether true, + but at any rate it was altogether true to her when she said it, and it was + manifest that she did not for a moment intend him to have the cheap + consolation of giving her money. But, and that seemed odd to Benham, she + would not believe, just as Lady Marayne would not believe, that there was + not some other woman in the case. He assured her and she seemed reassured, + and then presently she was back at exactly the same question. Would no + woman ever understand the call of Asia, the pride of duty, the desire for + the world? + </p> + <p> + One sort of woman perhaps.... + </p> + <p> + It was odd that for the first time now, in the sunshine of Kensington + Gardens, he saw the little gossamer lines that tell that thirty years and + more have passed over a face, a little wrinkling of the eyelids, a little + hardening of the mouth. How slight it is, how invisible it has been, how + suddenly it appears! And the sunshine of the warm April afternoon, + heightened it may be by her determined unmercenary pose, betrayed too the + faintest hint of shabbiness in her dress. He had never noticed these + shadows upon her or her setting before and their effect was to fill him + with a strange regretful tenderness.... + </p> + <p> + Perhaps men only begin to love when they cease to be dazzled and admire. + He had thought she might reproach him, he had felt and feared she might + set herself to stir his senses, and both these expectations had been + unjust to her he saw, now that he saw her beside him, a brave, rather + ill-advised and unlucky little struggler, stung and shamed. He forgot the + particulars of that first lunch of theirs together and he remembered his + mother's second contemptuous “STUFF!” + </p> + <p> + Indeed he knew now it had not been unexpected. Why hadn't he left this + little sensitive soul and this little sensitive body alone? And since he + hadn't done so, what right had he now to back out of their common + adventure? He felt a sudden wild impulse to marry Mrs. Skelmersdale, in a + mood between remorse and love and self-immolation, and then a sunlit young + woman with a leaping stride in her paces, passed across his heavens, + pointing to Asia and Utopia and forbidding even another thought of the + banns.... + </p> + <p> + “You will kiss me good-bye, dear, won't you?” said Mrs. Skelmersdale, + brimming over. “You will do that.” + </p> + <p> + He couldn't keep his arm from her little shoulders. And as their lips + touched he suddenly found himself weeping also.... + </p> + <p> + His spirit went limping from that interview. She chose to stay behind in + her chair and think, she said, and each time he turned back she was + sitting in the same attitude looking at him as he receded, and she had one + hand on the chair back and her arm drawn up to it. The third time he waved + his hat clumsily, and she started and then answered with her hand. Then + the trees hid her.... + </p> + <p> + This sex business was a damnable business. If only because it made one + hurt women.... + </p> + <p> + He had trampled on Mrs. Skelmersdale, he had hurt and disappointed his + mother. Was he a brute? Was he a cold-blooded prig? What was this + aristocracy? Was his belief anything more than a theory? Was he only + dreaming of a debt to the men in the quarry, to the miners, to the men in + the stokeholes, to the drudges on the fields? And while he dreamt he + wounded and distressed real living creatures in the sleep-walk of his + dreaming.... + </p> + <p> + So long as he stuck to his dream he must at any rate set his face + absolutely against the establishment of any further relations with women. + </p> + <p> + Unless they were women of an entirely different type, women hardened and + tempered, who would understand. + </p> + <p> + 9 + </p> + <p> + So Benham was able to convert the unfortunate Mrs. Skelmersdale into a + tender but for a long time an entirely painful memory. But mothers are not + so easily disposed of, and more particularly a mother whose conduct is + coloured deeply by an extraordinary persuasion of having paid for her + offspring twice over. Nolan was inexplicable; he was, Benham understood + quite clearly, never to be mentioned again; but somehow from the past his + shadow and his legacy cast a peculiar and perplexing shadow of undefined + obligation upon Benham's outlook. His resolution to go round the world + carried on his preparations rapidly and steadily, but at the same time his + mother's thwarted and angry bearing produced a torture of remorse in him. + It was constantly in his mind, like the suit of the importunate widow, + that he ought to devote his life to the little lady's happiness and pride, + and his reason told him that even if he wanted to make this sacrifice he + couldn't; the mere act of making it would produce so entirely catastrophic + a revulsion. He could as soon have become a croquet champion or the curate + of Chexington church, lines of endeavour which for him would have led + straightly and simply to sacrilegious scandal or manslaughter with a + mallet. + </p> + <p> + There is so little measure in the wild atonements of the young that it was + perhaps as well for the Research Magnificent that the remorses of this + period of Benham's life were too complicated and scattered for a + cumulative effect. In the background of his mind and less subdued than its + importance could seem to warrant was his promise to bring the + Wilder-Morris people into relations with Lady Marayne. They had been so + delightful to him that he felt quite acutely the slight he was putting + upon them by this delay. Lady Marayne's moods, however, had been so + uncertain that he had found no occasion to broach this trifling matter, + and when at last the occasion came he perceived in the same instant the + fullest reasons for regretting it. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” she said, hanging only for a moment, and then: “you told me you were + alone!”... + </p> + <p> + Her mind leapt at once to the personification of these people as all that + had puzzled and baffled her in her son since his flight from London. They + were the enemy, they had got hold of him. + </p> + <p> + “When I asked you if you were alone you pretended to be angry,” she + remembered with a flash. “You said, 'Do I tell lies?'” + </p> + <p> + “I WAS alone. Until— It was an accident. On my walk I was alone.” + </p> + <p> + But he flinched before her accusing, her almost triumphant, forefinger. + </p> + <p> + From the instant she heard of them she hated these South Harting people + unrestrainedly. She made no attempt to conceal it. Her valiant bantam + spirit caught at this quarrel as a refuge from the rare and uncongenial + ache of his secession. “And who are they? What are they? What sort of + people can they be to drag in a passing young man? I suppose this girl of + theirs goes out every evening—Was she painted, Poff?” + </p> + <p> + She whipped him with her questions as though she was slashing his face. He + became dead-white and grimly civil, answering every question as though it + was the sanest, most justifiable inquiry. + </p> + <p> + “Of course I don't know who they are. How should I know? What need is + there to know?” + </p> + <p> + “There are ways of finding out,” she insisted. “If I am to go down and + make myself pleasant to these people because of you.” + </p> + <p> + “But I implore you not to.” + </p> + <p> + “And five minutes ago you were imploring me to! Of course I shall.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh well!—well!” + </p> + <p> + “One has to know SOMETHING of the people to whom one commits oneself, + surely.” + </p> + <p> + “They are decent people; they are well-behaved people.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh!—I'll behave well. Don't think I'll disgrace your casual + acquaintances. But who they are, what they are, I WILL know....” + </p> + <p> + On that point Lady Marayne was to score beyond her utmost expectations. + </p> + <p> + “Come round,” she said over the telephone, two mornings later. “I've + something to tell you.” + </p> + <p> + She was so triumphant that she was sorry for him. When it came to telling + him, she failed from her fierceness. + </p> + <p> + “Poff, my little son,” she said, “I'm so sorry I hardly know how to tell + you. Poff, I'm sorry. I have to tell you—and it's utterly beastly.” + </p> + <p> + “But what?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “These people are dreadful people.” + </p> + <p> + “But how?” + </p> + <p> + “You've heard of the great Kent and Eastern Bank smash and the Marlborough + Building Society frauds eight or nine years ago?” + </p> + <p> + “Vaguely. But what has that to do with them?” + </p> + <p> + “That man Morris.” + </p> + <p> + She stopped short, and Benham nodded for her to go on. + </p> + <p> + “Her father,” said Lady Marayne. + </p> + <p> + “But who was Morris? Really, mother, I don't remember.” + </p> + <p> + “He was sentenced to seven years—ten years—I forget. He had + done all sorts of dreadful things. He was a swindler. And when he went out + of the dock into the waiting-room— He had a signet ring with prussic + acid in it—...” + </p> + <p> + “I remember now,” he said. + </p> + <p> + A silence fell between them. + </p> + <p> + Benham stood quite motionless on the hearthrug and stared very hard at the + little volume of Henley's poetry that lay upon the table. + </p> + <p> + He cleared his throat presently. + </p> + <p> + “You can't go and see them then,” he said. “After all—since I am + going abroad so soon—... It doesn't so very much matter.” + </p> + <p> + 10 + </p> + <p> + To Benham it did not seem to be of the slightest importance that Amanda's + father was a convicted swindler who had committed suicide. Never was a + resolved and conscious aristocrat so free from the hereditary delusion. + Good parents, he was convinced, are only an advantage in so far as they + have made you good stuff, and bad parents are no discredit to a son or + daughter of good quality. Conceivably he had a bias against too close an + examination of origins, and he held that the honour of the children should + atone for the sins of the fathers and the questionable achievements of any + intervening testator. Not half a dozen rich and established families in + all England could stand even the most conventional inquiry into the + foundations of their pride, and only a universal amnesty could prevent + ridiculous distinctions. But he brought no accusation of inconsistency + against his mother. She looked at things with a lighter logic and a kind + of genius for the acceptance of superficial values. She was condoned and + forgiven, a rescued lamb, re-established, notoriously bright and nice, and + the Morrises were damned. That was their status, exclusion, damnation, as + fixed as colour in Georgia or caste in Bengal. But if his mother's mind + worked in that way there was no reason why his should. So far as he was + concerned, he told himself, it did not matter whether Amanda was the + daughter of a swindler or the daughter of a god. He had no doubt that she + herself had the spirit and quality of divinity. He had seen it. + </p> + <p> + So there was nothing for it in the failure of his mother's civilities but + to increase his own. He would go down to Harting and take his leave of + these amiable outcasts himself. With a certain effusion. He would do this + soon because he was now within sight of the beginning of his world tour. + He had made his plans and prepared most of his equipment. Little remained + to do but the release of Merkle, the wrappering and locking up of Finacue + Street, which could await him indefinitely, and the buying of tickets. He + decided to take the opportunity afforded by a visit of Sir Godfrey and + Lady Marayne to the Blights, big iron people in the North of England of so + austere a morality that even Benham was ignored by it. He announced his + invasion in a little note to Mrs. Wilder. He parted from his mother on + Friday afternoon; she was already, he perceived, a little reconciled to + his project of going abroad; and contrived his arrival at South Harting + for that sunset hour which was for his imagination the natural halo of + Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “I'm going round the world,” he told them simply. “I may be away for two + years, and I thought I would like to see you all again before I started.” + </p> + <p> + That was quite the way they did things. + </p> + <p> + The supper-party included Mr. Rathbone-Sanders, who displayed a curious + tendency to drift in between Benham and Amanda, a literary youth with a + Byronic visage, very dark curly hair, and a number of extraordinarily + mature chins, a girl-friend of Betty's who had cycled down from London, + and who it appeared maintained herself at large in London by drawing for + advertisements, and a silent colourless friend of Mr. Rathbone-Sanders. + The talk lit by Amanda's enthusiasm circled actively round Benham's + expedition. It was clear that the idea of giving some years to thinking + out one's possible work in the world was for some reason that remained + obscure highly irritating to both Mr. Rathbone-Sanders and the Byronic + youth. Betty too regarded it as levity when there was “so much to be + done,” and the topic whacked about and rose to something like a wrangle, + and sat down and rested and got up again reinvigorated, with a continuity + of interest that Benham had never yet encountered in any London gathering. + He made a good case for his modern version of the Grand Tour, and he gave + them something of his intellectual enthusiasm for the distances and views, + the cities and seas, the multitudinous wide spectacle of the world he was + to experience. He had been reading about Benares and North China. As he + talked Amanda, who had been animated at first, fell thoughtful and silent. + And then it was discovered that the night was wonderfully warm and the + moon shining. They drifted out into the garden, but Mr. Rathbone-Sanders + was suddenly entangled and drawn back by Mrs. Wilder and the young woman + from London upon some technical point, and taken to the work-table in the + corner of the dining-room to explain. He was never able to get to the + garden. + </p> + <p> + Benham found himself with Amanda upon a side path, a little isolated by + some swaggering artichokes and a couple of apple trees and so forth from + the general conversation. They cut themselves off from the continuation of + that by a little silence, and then she spoke abruptly and with the + quickness of a speaker who has thought out something to say and fears + interruption: “Why did you come down here?” + </p> + <p> + “I wanted to see you before I went.” + </p> + <p> + “You disturb me. You fill me with envy.” + </p> + <p> + “I didn't think of that. I wanted to see you again.” + </p> + <p> + “And then you will go off round the world, you will see the Tropics, you + will see India, you will go into Chinese cities all hung with vermilion, + you will climb mountains. Oh! men can do all the splendid things. Why do + you come here to remind me of it? I have never been anywhere, anywhere at + all. I never shall go anywhere. Never in my life have I seen a mountain. + Those Downs there—look at them!—are my highest. And while you + are travelling I shall think of you—and think of you....” + </p> + <p> + “Would YOU like to travel?” he asked as though that was an extraordinary + idea. + </p> + <p> + “Do you think EVERY girl wants to sit at home and rock a cradle?” + </p> + <p> + “I never thought YOU did.” + </p> + <p> + “Then what did you think I wanted?” + </p> + <p> + “What DO you want?” + </p> + <p> + She held her arms out widely, and the moonlight shone in her eyes as she + turned her face to him. + </p> + <p> + “Just what you want,” she said; “—THE WHOLE WORLD! + </p> + <p> + “Life is like a feast,” she went on; “it is spread before everybody and + nobody must touch it. What am I? Just a prisoner. In a cottage garden. + Looking for ever over a hedge. I should be happier if I couldn't look. I + remember once, only a little time ago, there was a cheap excursion to + London. Our only servant went. She had to get up at an unearthly hour, and + I—I got up too. I helped her to get off. And when she was gone I + went up to my bedroom again and cried. I cried with envy for any one, any + one who could go away. I've been nowhere—except to school at + Chichester and three or four times to Emsworth and Bognor—for eight + years. When you go”—the tears glittered in the moonlight—“I + shall cry. It will be worse than the excursion to London.... Ever since + you were here before I've been thinking of it.” + </p> + <p> + It seemed to Benham that here indeed was the very sister of his spirit. + His words sprang into his mind as one thinks of a repartee. “But why + shouldn't you come too?” he said. + </p> + <p> + She stared at him in silence. The two white-lit faces examined each other. + Both she and Benham were trembling. + </p> + <p> + “COME TOO?” she repeated. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, with me.” + </p> + <p> + “But—HOW?” + </p> + <p> + Then suddenly she was weeping like a child that is teased; her troubled + eyes looked out from under puckered brows. “You don't mean it,” she said. + “You don't mean it.” + </p> + <p> + And then indeed he meant it. + </p> + <p> + “Marry me,” he said very quickly, glancing towards the dark group at the + end of the garden. “And we will go together.” + </p> + <p> + He seized her arm and drew her to him. “I love you,” he said. “I love your + spirit. You are not like any one else.” + </p> + <p> + There was a moment's hesitation. + </p> + <p> + Both he and she looked to see how far they were still alone. + </p> + <p> + Then they turned their dusky faces to each other. He drew her still + closer. + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” she said, and yielded herself to be kissed. Their lips touched, and + for a moment he held her lithe body against his own. + </p> + <p> + “I want you,” he whispered close to her. “You are my mate. From the first + sight of you I knew that....” + </p> + <p> + They embraced—alertly furtive. + </p> + <p> + Then they stood a little apart. Some one was coming towards them. Amanda's + bearing changed swiftly. She put up her little face to his, confidently + and intimately. + </p> + <p> + “Don't TELL any one,” she whispered eagerly shaking his arm to emphasize + her words. “Don't tell any one—not yet. Not for a few days....” + </p> + <p> + She pushed him from her quickly as the shadowy form of Betty appeared in a + little path between the artichokes and raspberry canes. + </p> + <p> + “Listening to the nightingales?” cried Betty. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, aren't they?” said Amanda inconsecutively. + </p> + <p> + “That's our very own nightingale!” cried Betty advancing. “Do you hear it, + Mr. Benham? No, not that one. That is a quite inferior bird that performs + in the vicarage trees....” + </p> + <p> + 11 + </p> + <p> + When a man has found and won his mate then the best traditions demand a + lyrical interlude. It should be possible to tell, in that ecstatic manner + which melts words into moonshine, makes prose almost uncomfortably + rhythmic, and brings all the freshness of every spring that ever was + across the page, of the joyous exaltation of the happy lover. This at any + rate was what White had always done in his novels hitherto, and what he + would certainly have done at this point had he had the telling of Benham's + story uncontrolledly in his hands. But, indeed, indeed, in real life, in + very truth, the heart has not this simplicity. Only the heroes of romance, + and a few strong simple clean-shaven Americans have that much emotional + integrity. (And even the Americans do at times seem to an observant eye to + be putting in work at the job and keeping up their gladness.) Benham was + excited that night, but not in the proper bright-eyed, red-cheeked way; he + did not dance down the village street of Harting to his harbour at the + Ship, and the expression in his eyes as he sat on the edge of his bed was + not the deep elemental wonder one could have wished there, but amazement. + Do not suppose that he did not love Amanda, that a rich majority of his + being was not triumphantly glad to have won her, that the image of the two + armour-clad lovers was not still striding and flourishing through the lit + wilderness of his imagination. For three weeks things had pointed him to + this. They would do everything together now, he and his mate, they would + scale mountains together and ride side by side towards ruined cities + across the deserts of the World. He could have wished no better thing. But + at the same time, even as he felt and admitted this and rejoiced at it, + the sky of his mind was black with consternation.... + </p> + <p> + It is remarkable, White reflected, as he turned over the abundant but + confused notes upon this perplexing phase of Benham's development that lay + in the third drawer devoted to the Second Limitation, how dependent human + beings are upon statement. Man is the animal that states a case. He lives + not in things but in expressed ideas, and what was troubling Benham + inordinately that night, a night that should have been devoted to purely + blissful and exalted expectations, was the sheer impossibility of stating + what had happened in any terms that would be tolerable either to Mrs. + Skelmersdale or Lady Marayne. The thing had happened with the suddenness + of a revelation. Whatever had been going on in the less illuminated parts + of his mind, his manifest resolution had been merely to bid South Harting + good-bye— And in short they would never understand. They would + accuse him of the meanest treachery. He could see his mother's face, he + could hear her voice saying, “And so because of this sudden infatuation + for a swindler's daughter, a girl who runs about the roads with a couple + of retrievers hunting for a man, you must spoil all my plans, ruin my + year, tell me a lot of pretentious stuffy lies....” And Mrs. Skelmersdale + too would say, “Of course he just talked of the world and duty and all + that rubbish to save my face....” + </p> + <p> + It wasn't so at all. + </p> + <p> + But it looked so frightfully like it! + </p> + <p> + Couldn't they realize that he had fled out of London before ever he had + seen Amanda? They might be able to do it perhaps, but they never would. It + just happened that in the very moment when the edifice of his noble + resolutions had been ready, she had stepped into it—out of + nothingness and nowhere. She wasn't an accident; that was just the point + upon which they were bound to misjudge her; she was an embodiment. If only + he could show her to them as she had first shown herself to him, swift, + light, a little flushed from running but not in the least out of breath, + quick as a leopard upon the dogs.... But even if the improbable + opportunity arose, he perceived it might still be impossible to produce + the Amanda he loved, the Amanda of the fluttering short skirt and the + clear enthusiastic voice. Because, already he knew she was not the only + Amanda. There was another, there might be others, there was this + perplexing person who had flashed into being at the very moment of their + mutual confession, who had produced the entirely disconcerting demand that + nobody must be told. Then Betty had intervened. But that sub-Amanda and + her carneying note had to be dealt with on the first occasion, because + when aristocrats love they don't care a rap who is told and who is not + told. They just step out into the light side by side.... + </p> + <p> + “Don't tell any one,” she had said, “not for a few days....” + </p> + <p> + This sub-Amanda was perceptible next morning again, flitting about in the + background of a glad and loving adventuress, a pre-occupied Amanda who had + put her head down while the real Amanda flung her chin up and contemplated + things on the Asiatic scale, and who was apparently engaged in + disentangling something obscure connected with Mr. Rathbone-Sanders that + ought never to have been entangled.... + </p> + <p> + “A human being,” White read, “the simplest human being, is a clustering + mass of aspects. No man will judge another justly who judges everything + about him. And of love in particular is this true. We love not persons but + revelations. The woman one loves is like a goddess hidden in a shrine; for + her sake we live on hope and suffer the kindred priestesses that make up + herself. The art of love is patience till the gleam returns....” + </p> + <p> + Sunday and Monday did much to develop this idea of the intricate + complexity of humanity in Benham's mind. On Monday morning he went up from + the Ship again to get Amanda alone and deliver his ultimatum against a + further secrecy, so that he could own her openly and have no more of the + interventions and separations that had barred him from any intimate talk + with her throughout the whole of Sunday. The front door stood open, the + passage hall was empty, but as he hesitated whether he should proclaim + himself with the knocker or walk through, the door of the little + drawing-room flew open and a black-clad cylindrical clerical person + entirely unknown to Benham stumbled over the threshold, blundered blindly + against him, made a sound like “MOO” and a pitiful gesture with his arm, + and fled forth.... + </p> + <p> + It was a curate and he was weeping bitterly.... + </p> + <p> + Benham stood in the doorway and watched a clumsy broken-hearted flight + down the village street. + </p> + <p> + He had been partly told and partly left to infer, and anyhow he was + beginning to understand about Mr. Rathbone-Sanders. That he could dismiss. + But—why was the curate in tears? + </p> + <p> + 12 + </p> + <p> + He found Amanda standing alone in the room from which this young man had + fled. She had a handful of daffodils in her hand, and others were + scattered over the table. She had been arranging the big bowl of flowers + in the centre. He left the door open behind him and stopped short with the + table between them. She looked up at him—intelligently and calmly. + Her pose had a divine dignity. + </p> + <p> + “I want to tell them now,” said Benham without a word of greeting. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” she said, “tell them now.” + </p> + <p> + They heard steps in the passage outside. “Betty!” cried Amanda. + </p> + <p> + Her mother's voice answered, “Do you want Betty?” + </p> + <p> + “We want you all,” answered Amanda. “We have something to tell you....” + </p> + <p> + “Carrie!” they heard Mrs. Morris call her sister after an interval, and + her voice sounded faint and flat and unusual. There was the soft hissing + of some whispered words outside and a muffled exclamation. Then Mrs. + Wilder and Mrs. Morris and Betty came into the room. Mrs. Wilder came + first, and Mrs. Morris with an alarmed face as if sheltering behind her. + “We want to tell you something,” said Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “Amanda and I are going to marry each other,” said Benham, standing in + front of her. + </p> + <p> + For an instant the others made no answer; they looked at each other. + </p> + <p> + “BUT DOES HE KNOW?” Mrs. Morris said in a low voice. + </p> + <p> + Amanda turned her eyes to her lover. She was about to speak, she seemed to + gather herself for an effort, and then he knew that he did not want to + hear her explanation. He checked her by a gesture. + </p> + <p> + “I KNOW,” he said, and then, “I do not see that it matters to us in the + least.” + </p> + <p> + He went to her holding out both his hands to her. + </p> + <p> + She took them and stood shyly for a moment, and then the watchful gravity + of her face broke into soft emotion. “Oh!” she cried and seized his face + between her hands in a passion of triumphant love and kissed him. + </p> + <p> + And then he found himself being kissed by Mrs. Morris. + </p> + <p> + She kissed him thrice, with solemnity, with thankfulness, with relief, as + if in the act of kissing she transferred to him precious and entirely + incalculable treasures. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0004" id="link2HCH0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THE FOURTH ~~ THE SPIRITED HONEYMOON + </h2> + <p> + 1 + </p> + <p> + It was a little after sunrise one bright morning in September that Benham + came up on to the deck of the sturdy Austrian steamboat that was churning + its way with a sedulous deliberation from Spalato to Cattaro, and lit + himself a cigarette and seated himself upon a deck chair. Save for a + yawning Greek sailor busy with a mop the first-class deck was empty. + </p> + <p> + Benham surveyed the haggard beauty of the Illyrian coast. The mountains + rose gaunt and enormous and barren to a jagged fantastic silhouette + against the sun; their almost vertical slopes still plunged in blue + shadow, broke only into a little cold green and white edge of olive + terraces and vegetation and houses before they touched the clear blue + water. An occasional church or a house perched high upon some seemingly + inaccessible ledge did but accentuate the vast barrenness of the land. It + was a land desolated and destroyed. At Ragusa, at Salona, at Spalato and + Zara and Pola Benham had seen only variations upon one persistent theme, a + dwindled and uncreative human life living amidst the giant ruins of + preceding times, as worms live in the sockets of a skull. Forward an + unsavoury group of passengers still slumbered amidst fruit-peel and + expectorations, a few soldiers, some squalid brigands armed with + preposterous red umbrellas, a group of curled-up human lumps brooded over + by an aquiline individual caparisoned with brass like a horse, his head + wrapped picturesquely in a shawl. Benham surveyed these last products of + the “life force” and resumed his pensive survey of the coast. The sea was + deserted save for a couple of little lateen craft with suns painted on + their gaudy sails, sea butterflies that hung motionless as if unawakened + close inshore.... + </p> + <p> + The travel of the last few weeks had impressed Benham's imagination + profoundly. For the first time in his life he had come face to face with + civilization in defeat. From Venice hitherward he had marked with + cumulative effect the clustering evidences of effort spent and power + crumbled to nothingness. He had landed upon the marble quay of Pola and + visited its deserted amphitheatre, he had seen a weak provincial life + going about ignoble ends under the walls of the great Venetian fortress + and the still more magnificent cathedral of Zara; he had visited Spalato, + clustered in sweltering grime within the ample compass of the walls of + Diocletian's villa, and a few troublesome sellers of coins and iridescent + glass and fragments of tessellated pavement and such-like loot was all the + population he had found amidst the fallen walls and broken friezes and + columns of Salona. Down this coast there ebbed and flowed a mean residual + life, a life of violence and dishonesty, peddling trades, vendettas and + war. For a while the unstable Austrian ruled this land and made a sort of + order that the incalculable chances of international politics might at any + time shatter. Benham was drawing near now to the utmost limit of that + extended peace. Ahead beyond the mountain capes was Montenegro and, + further, Albania and Macedonia, lands of lawlessness and confusion. Amanda + and he had been warned of the impossibility of decent travel beyond + Cattaro and Cettinje but this had but whetted her adventurousness and + challenged his spirit. They were going to see Albania for themselves. + </p> + <p> + The three months of honeymoon they had been spending together had + developed many remarkable divergences of their minds that had not been in + the least apparent to Benham before their marriage. Then their common + resolve to be as spirited as possible had obliterated all minor + considerations. But that was the limit of their unanimity. Amanda loved + wild and picturesque things, and Benham strong and clear things; the vines + and brushwood amidst the ruins of Salona that had delighted her had filled + him with a sense of tragic retrogression. Salona had revived again in the + acutest form a dispute that had been smouldering between them throughout a + fitful and lengthy exploration of north and central Italy. She could not + understand his disgust with the mediaeval colour and confusion that had + swamped the pride and state of the Roman empire, and he could not make her + feel the ambition of the ruler, the essential discipline and + responsibilities of his aristocratic idea. While his adventurousness was + conquest, hers, it was only too manifest, was brigandage. His thoughts ran + now into the form of an imaginary discourse, that he would never deliver + to her, on the decay of states, on the triumphs of barbarians over rulers + who will not rule, on the relaxation of patrician orders and the return of + the robber and assassin as lordship decays. This coast was no theatrical + scenery for him; it was a shattered empire. And it was shattered because + no men had been found, united enough, magnificent and steadfast enough, to + hold the cities, and maintain the roads, keep the peace and subdue the + brutish hates and suspicions and cruelties that devastated the world. + </p> + <p> + And as these thoughts came back into his mind, Amanda flickered up from + below, light and noiseless as a sunbeam, and stood behind his chair. + </p> + <p> + Freedom and the sight of the world had if possible brightened and + invigorated her. Her costume and bearing were subtly touched by the + romance of the Adriatic. There was a flavour of the pirate in the cloak + about her shoulders and the light knitted cap of scarlet she had stuck + upon her head. She surveyed his preoccupation for a moment, glanced + forward, and then covered his eyes with her hands. In almost the same + movement she had bent down and nipped the tip of his ear between her + teeth. + </p> + <p> + “Confound you, Amanda!” + </p> + <p> + “You'd forgotten my existence, you star-gazing Cheetah. And then, you see, + these things happen to you!” + </p> + <p> + “I was thinking.” + </p> + <p> + “Well—DON'T.... I distrust your thinking. This coast is wilder and + grimmer than yesterday. It's glorious....” + </p> + <p> + She sat down on the chair he unfolded for her. + </p> + <p> + “Is there nothing to eat?” she asked abruptly. + </p> + <p> + “It is too early.” + </p> + <p> + 2 + </p> + <p> + “This coast is magnificent,” she said presently. + </p> + <p> + “It's hideous,” he answered. “It's as ugly as a heap of slag.” + </p> + <p> + “It's nature at its wildest.” + </p> + <p> + “That's Amanda at her wildest.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, isn't it?” + </p> + <p> + “No! This land isn't nature. It's waste. Not wilderness. It's the other + end. Those hills were covered with forests; this was a busy civilized + coast just a little thousand years ago. The Venetians wasted it. They cut + down the forests; they filled the cities with a mixed mud of population, + THAT stuff. Look at it”!—he indicated the sleepers forward by a + movement of his head. + </p> + <p> + “I suppose they WERE rather feeble people,” said Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “Who?” + </p> + <p> + “The Venetians.” + </p> + <p> + “They were traders—and nothing more. Just as we are. And when they + were rich they got splendid clothes and feasted and rested. Much as we + do.” + </p> + <p> + Amanda surveyed him. “We don't rest.” + </p> + <p> + “We idle.” + </p> + <p> + “We are seeing things.” + </p> + <p> + “Don't be a humbug, Amanda. We are making love. Just as they did. And it + has been—ripping. In Salona they made love tremendously. They did + nothing else until the barbarians came over the mountains....” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said Amanda virtuously, “we will do something else.” + </p> + <p> + He made no answer and her expression became profoundly thoughtful. Of + course this wandering must end. He had been growing impatient for some + time. But it was difficult, she perceived, to decide just what to do with + him.... + </p> + <p> + Benham picked up the thread of his musing. + </p> + <p> + He was seeing more and more clearly that all civilization was an effort, + and so far always an inadequate and very partially successful effort. + Always it had been aristocratic, aristocratic in the sense that it was the + work of minorities, who took power, who had a common resolution against + the inertia, the indifference, the insubordination and instinctive + hostility of the mass of mankind. And always the set-backs, the disasters + of civilization, had been failures of the aristocratic spirit. Why had the + Roman purpose faltered and shrivelled? Every order, every brotherhood, + every organization carried with it the seeds of its own destruction. Must + the idea of statecraft and rule perpetually reappear, reclothe itself in + new forms, age, die, even as life does—making each time its almost + infinitesimal addition to human achievement? Now the world is crying aloud + for a renascence of the spirit that orders and controls. Human affairs + sway at a dizzy height of opportunity. Will they keep their footing there, + or stagger? We have got back at last to a time as big with opportunity as + the early empire. Given only the will in men and it would be possible now + to turn the dazzling accidents of science, the chancy attainments of the + nineteenth century, into a sane and permanent possession, a new starting + point.... What a magnificence might be made of life! + </p> + <p> + He was aroused by Amanda's voice. + </p> + <p> + “When we go back to London, old Cheetah,” she said, “we must take a + house.” + </p> + <p> + For some moments he stared at her, trying to get back to their point of + divergence. + </p> + <p> + “Why?” he asked at length. + </p> + <p> + “We must have a house,” she said. + </p> + <p> + He looked at her face. Her expression was profoundly thoughtful, her eyes + were fixed on the slumbering ships poised upon the transparent water under + the mountain shadows. + </p> + <p> + “You see,” she thought it out, “you've got to TELL in London. You can't + just sneak back there. You've got to strike a note of your own. With all + these things of yours.” + </p> + <p> + “But how?” + </p> + <p> + “There's a sort of little house, I used to see them when I was a girl and + my father lived in London, about Brook Street and that part. Not too far + north.... You see going back to London for us is just another adventure. + We've got to capture London. We've got to scale it. We've got advantages + of all sorts. But at present we're outside. We've got to march in.” + </p> + <p> + Her clear hazel eyes contemplated conflicts and triumphs. + </p> + <p> + She was roused by Benham's voice. + </p> + <p> + “What the deuce are you thinking of, Amanda?” + </p> + <p> + She turned her level eyes to his. “London,” she said. “For you.” + </p> + <p> + “I don't want London,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “I thought you did. You ought to. I do.” + </p> + <p> + “But to take a house! Make an invasion of London!” + </p> + <p> + “You dear old Cheetah, you can't be always frisking about in the + wilderness, staring at the stars.” + </p> + <p> + “But I'm not going back to live in London in the old way, theatres, + dinner-parties, chatter—” + </p> + <p> + “Oh no! We aren't going to do that sort of thing. We aren't going to join + the ruck. We'll go about in holiday times all over the world. I want to + see Fusiyama. I mean to swim in the South Seas. With you. We'll dodge the + sharks. But all the same we shall have to have a house in London. We have + to be FELT there.” + </p> + <p> + She met his consternation fairly. She lifted her fine eyebrows. Her little + face conveyed a protesting reasonableness. + </p> + <p> + “Well, MUSTN'T we?” + </p> + <p> + She added, “If we want to alter the world we ought to live in the world.” + </p> + <p> + Since last they had disputed the question she had thought out these new + phrases. + </p> + <p> + “Amanda,” he said, “I think sometimes you haven't the remotest idea of + what I am after. I don't believe you begin to suspect what I am up to.” + </p> + <p> + She put her elbows on her knees, dropped her chin between her hands and + regarded him impudently. She had a characteristic trick of looking up with + her face downcast that never failed to soften his regard. + </p> + <p> + “Look here, Cheetah, don't you give way to your early morning habit of + calling your own true love a fool,” she said. + </p> + <p> + “Simply I tell you I will not go back to London.” + </p> + <p> + “You will go back with me, Cheetah.” + </p> + <p> + “I will go back as far as my work calls me there.” + </p> + <p> + “It calls you through the voice of your mate and slave and doormat to just + exactly the sort of house you ought to have.... It is the privilege and + duty of the female to choose the lair.” + </p> + <p> + For a space Benham made no reply. This controversy had been gathering for + some time and he wanted to state his view as vividly as possible. The + Benham style of connubial conversation had long since decided for emphasis + rather than delicacy. + </p> + <p> + “I think,” he said slowly, “that this wanting to take London by storm is a + beastly VULGAR thing to want to do.” + </p> + <p> + Amanda compressed her lips. + </p> + <p> + “I want to work out things in my mind,” he went on. “I do not want to be + distracted by social things, and I do not want to be distracted by + picturesque things. This life—it's all very well on the surface, but + it isn't real. I'm not getting hold of reality. Things slip away from me. + God! but how they slip away from me!” + </p> + <p> + He got up and walked to the side of the boat. + </p> + <p> + She surveyed his back for some moments. Then she went and leant over the + rail beside him. + </p> + <p> + “I want to go to London,” she said. + </p> + <p> + “I don't.” + </p> + <p> + “Where do you want to go?” + </p> + <p> + “Where I can see into the things that hold the world together.” + </p> + <p> + “I have loved this wandering—I could wander always. But... Cheetah! + I tell you I WANT to go to London.” + </p> + <p> + He looked over his shoulder into her warm face. “NO,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “But, I ask you.” + </p> + <p> + He shook his head. + </p> + <p> + She put her face closer and whispered. “Cheetah! big beast of my heart. Do + you hear your mate asking for something?” + </p> + <p> + He turned his eyes back to the mountains. “I must go my own way.” + </p> + <p> + “Haven't I, so far, invented things, made life amusing, Cheetah? Can't you + trust the leopard's wisdom?” + </p> + <p> + He stared at the coast inexorably. + </p> + <p> + “I wonder,” she whispered. + </p> + <p> + “What?” + </p> + <p> + “You ARE that, Cheetah, that lank, long, EAGER beast—.” + </p> + <p> + Suddenly with a nimble hand she had unbuttoned and rolled up the sleeve of + her blouse. She stuck her pretty blue-veined arm before his eyes. “Look + here, sir, it was you, wasn't it? It was your powerful jaw inflicted this + bite upon the arm of a defenceless young leopardess—” + </p> + <p> + “Amanda!” + </p> + <p> + “Well.” She wrinkled her brows. + </p> + <p> + He turned about and stood over her, he shook a finger in her face and + there was a restrained intensity in his voice as he spoke. + </p> + <p> + “Look here, Amanda!” he said, “if you think that you are going to make me + agree to any sort of project about London, to any sort of complication of + our lives with houses in smart streets and a campaign of social assertion—by + THAT, then may I be damned for an uxorious fool!” + </p> + <p> + Her eyes met his and there was mockery in her eyes. + </p> + <p> + “This, Cheetah, is the morning mood,” she remarked. + </p> + <p> + “This is the essential mood. Listen, Amanda—” + </p> + <p> + He stopped short. He looked towards the gangway, they both looked. The + magic word “Breakfast” came simultaneously from them. + </p> + <p> + “Eggs,” she said ravenously, and led the way. + </p> + <p> + A smell of coffee as insistent as an herald's trumpet had called a truce + between them. + </p> + <p> + 3 + </p> + <p> + Their marriage had been a comparatively inconspicuous one, but since that + time they had been engaged upon a honeymoon of great extent and variety. + Their wedding had taken place at South Harting church in the marked + absence of Lady Marayne, and it had been marred by only one untoward + event. The Reverend Amos Pugh who, in spite of the earnest advice of + several friends had insisted upon sharing in the ceremony, had suddenly + covered his face with the sleeves of his surplice and fled with a swift + rustle to the vestry, whence an uproar of inadequately smothered sorrow + came as an obligato accompaniment to the more crucial passages of the + service. Amanda appeared unaware of the incident at the time, but + afterwards she explained things to Benham. “Curates,” she said, “are such + pent-up men. One ought, I suppose, to remember that. But he never had + anything to go upon at all—not anything—except his own + imaginations.” + </p> + <p> + “I suppose when you met him you were nice to him.” + </p> + <p> + “I was nice to him, of course....” + </p> + <p> + They drove away from Harting, as it were, over the weeping remains of this + infatuated divine. His sorrow made them thoughtful for a time, and then + Amanda nestled closer to her lover and they forgot about him, and their + honeymoon became so active and entertaining that only very rarely and + transitorily did they ever think of him again. + </p> + <p> + The original conception of their honeymoon had been identical with the + plans Benham had made for the survey and study of the world, and it was + through a series of modifications, replacements and additions that it + became at last a prolonged and very picturesque tour in Switzerland, the + Austrian Tyrol, North Italy, and down the Adriatic coast. Amanda had never + seen mountains, and longed, she said, to climb. This took them first to + Switzerland. Then, in spite of their exalted aims, the devotion of their + lives to noble purposes, it was evident that Amanda had no intention of + scamping the detail of love, and for that what background is so richly + beautiful as Italy? An important aspect of the grand tour round the world + as Benham had planned it, had been interviews, inquiries and conversations + with every sort of representative and understanding person he could reach. + An unembarrassed young man who wants to know and does not promise to bore + may reach almost any one in that way, he is as impersonal as pure reason + and as mobile as a letter, but the presence of a lady in his train leaves + him no longer unembarrassed. His approach has become a social event. The + wife of a great or significant personage must take notice or decide not to + take notice. Of course Amanda was prepared to go anywhere, just as + Benham's shadow; it was the world that was unprepared. And a second + leading aspect of his original scheme had been the examination of the ways + of government in cities and the shifting and mixture of nations and races. + It would have led to back streets, and involved and complicated details, + and there was something in the fine flame of girlhood beside him that he + felt was incompatible with those shadows and that dust. And also they were + lovers and very deeply in love. It was amazing how swiftly that draggled + shameful London sparrow-gamin, Eros, took heart from Amanda, and became + wonderful, beautiful, glowing, life-giving, confident, clear-eyed; how he + changed from flesh to sweet fire, and grew until he filled the sky. So + that you see they went to Switzerland and Italy at last very like two + ordinary young people who were not aristocrats at all, had no theory about + the world or their destiny, but were simply just ardently delighted with + the discovery of one another. + </p> + <p> + Nevertheless Benham was for some time under a vague impression that in a + sort of way still he was going round the world and working out his + destinies. + </p> + <p> + It was part of the fascination of Amanda that she was never what he had + supposed her to be, and that nothing that he set out to do with her ever + turned out as they had planned it. Her appreciations marched before her + achievement, and when it came to climbing it seemed foolish to toil to + summits over which her spirit had flitted days before. Their Swiss + expeditions which she had foreseen as glorious wanderings amidst the blue + ice of crevasses and nights of exalted hardihood became a walking tour of + fitful vigour and abundant fun and delight. They spent a long day on the + ice of the Aletsch glacier, but they reached the inn on its eastward side + with magnificent appetites a little late for dinner. + </p> + <p> + Amanda had revealed an unexpected gift for nicknames and pretty fancies. + She named herself the Leopard, the spotless Leopard; in some obscure way + she intimated that the colour was black, but that was never to be admitted + openly, there was supposed to be some lurking traces of a rusty brown but + the word was spotless and the implication white, a dazzling white, she + would play a thousand variations on the theme; in moments of despondency + she was only a black cat, a common lean black cat, and sacks and + half-bricks almost too good for her. But Benham was always a Cheetah. That + had come to her as a revelation from heaven. But so clearly he was a + Cheetah. He was a Hunting Leopard; the only beast that has an up-cast face + and dreams and looks at you with absent-minded eyes like a man. She laced + their journeys with a fantastic monologue telling in the third person what + the Leopard and the Cheetah were thinking and seeing and doing. And so + they walked up mountains and over passes and swam in the warm clear water + of romantic lakes and loved each other mightily always, in chestnut woods + and olive orchards and flower-starred alps and pine forests and + awning-covered boats, and by sunset and moonlight and starshine; and out + of these agreeable solitudes they came brown and dusty, striding side by + side into sunlit entertaining fruit-piled market-places and envious + hotels. For days and weeks together it did not seem to Benham that there + was anything that mattered in life but Amanda and the elemental joys of + living. And then the Research Magnificent began to stir in him again. He + perceived that Italy was not India, that the clue to the questions he must + answer lay in the crowded new towns that they avoided, in the packed + bookshops and the talk of men, and not in the picturesque and flowery + solitudes to which their lovemaking carried them. + </p> + <p> + Moods began in which he seemed to forget Amanda altogether. + </p> + <p> + This happened first in the Certosa di Pavia whither they had gone one + afternoon from Milan. That was quite soon after they were married. They + had a bumping journey thither in a motor-car, a little doubtful if the + excursion was worth while, and they found a great amazement in the lavish + beauty and decorative wealth of that vast church and its associated + cloisters, set far away from any population as it seemed in a flat + wilderness of reedy ditches and patchy cultivation. The distilleries and + outbuildings were deserted—their white walls were covered by one + monstrously great and old wisteria in flower—the soaring marvellous + church was in possession of a knot of unattractive guides. One of these + conducted them through the painted treasures of the gold and marble + chapels; he was an elderly but animated person who evidently found Amanda + more wonderful than any church. He poured out great accumulations of + information and compliments before her. Benham dropped behind, went astray + and was presently recovered dreaming in the great cloister. The guide + showed them over two of the cells that opened thereupon, each a delightful + house for a solitary, bookish and clean, and each with a little secret + walled garden of its own. He was covertly tipped against all regulations + and departed regretfully with a beaming dismissal from Amanda. She found + Benham wondering why the Carthusians had failed to produce anything better + in the world than a liqueur. “One might have imagined that men would have + done something in this beautiful quiet; that there would have come thought + from here or will from here.” + </p> + <p> + “In these dear little nests they ought to have put lovers,” said Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, of course, YOU would have made the place Thelema....” + </p> + <p> + But as they went shaking and bumping back along the evil road to Milan, he + fell into a deep musing. Suddenly he said, “Work has to be done. Because + this order or that has failed, there is no reason why we should fail. And + look at those ragged children in the road ahead of us, and those dirty + women sitting in the doorways, and the foul ugliness of these gaunt + nameless towns through which we go! They are what they are, because we are + what we are—idlers, excursionists. In a world we ought to rule.... + </p> + <p> + “Amanda, we've got to get to work....” + </p> + <p> + That was his first display of this new mood, which presently became a + common one. He was less and less content to let the happy hours slip by, + more and more sensitive to the reminders in giant ruin and deserted cell, + in a chance encounter with a string of guns and soldiers on their way to + manoeuvres or in the sight of a stale newspaper, of a great world process + going on in which he was now playing no part at all. And a curious + irritability manifested itself more and more plainly, whenever human + pettiness obtruded upon his attention, whenever some trivial dishonesty, + some manifest slovenliness, some spiritless failure, a cheating waiter or + a wayside beggar brought before him the shiftless, selfish, aimless + elements in humanity that war against the great dream of life made + glorious. “Accursed things,” he would say, as he flung some importunate + cripple at a church door a ten-centime piece; “why were they born? Why do + they consent to live? They are no better than some chance fungus that is + because it must.” + </p> + <p> + “It takes all sorts to make a world,” said Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “Nonsense,” said Benham. “Where is the megatherium? That sort of creature + has to go. Our sort of creature has to end it.” + </p> + <p> + “Then why did you give it money?” + </p> + <p> + “Because— I don't want the thing to be more wretched than it is. But + if I could prevent more of them—... What am I doing to prevent + them?” + </p> + <p> + “These beggars annoy you,” said Amanda after a pause. “They do me. Let us + go back into the mountains.” + </p> + <p> + But he fretted in the mountains. + </p> + <p> + They made a ten days' tour from Macugnaga over the Monte Moro to Sass, and + thence to Zermatt and back by the Theodule to Macugnaga. The sudden + apparition of douaniers upon the Monte Moro annoyed Benham, and he was + also irritated by the solemn English mountain climbers at Saas Fee. They + were as bad as golfers, he said, and reflected momentarily upon his + father. Amanda fell in love with Monte Rosa, she wanted to kiss its snowy + forehead, she danced like a young goat down the path to Mattmark, and + rolled on the turf when she came to gentians and purple primulas. Benham + was tremendously in love with her most of the time, but one day when they + were sitting over the Findelen glacier his perceptions blundered for the + first time upon the fundamental antagonism of their quality. She was + sketching out jolly things that they were to do together, expeditions, + entertainments, amusements, and adventures, with a voluble swiftness, and + suddenly in a flash his eyes were opened, and he saw that she would never + for a moment feel the quality that made life worth while for him. He saw + it in a flash, and in that flash he made his urgent resolve not to see it. + From that moment forth his bearing was poisoned by his secret + determination not to think of this, not to admit it to his mind. And + forbidden to come into his presence in its proper form, this conflict of + intellectual temperaments took on strange disguises, and the gathering + tension of his mind sought to relieve itself along grotesque irrelevant + channels. + </p> + <p> + There was, for example, the remarkable affair of the drive from Macugnaga + to Piedimulera. + </p> + <p> + They had decided to walk down in a leisurely fashion, but with the + fatigues of the precipitous clamber down from Switzerland still upon them + they found the white road between rock above and gorge below wearisome, + and the valley hot in the late morning sunshine, and already before they + reached the inn they had marked for lunch Amanda had suggested driving the + rest of the way. The inn had a number of brigand-like customers consuming + such sustenance as garlic and salami and wine; it received them with an + indifference that bordered on disrespect, until the landlord, who seemed + to be something of a beauty himself, discovered the merits of Amanda. Then + he became markedly attentive. He was a large, fat, curly-headed person + with beautiful eyes, a cherished moustache, and an air of great gentility, + and when he had welcomed his guests and driven off the slatternly + waiting-maid, and given them his best table, and consented, at Amanda's + request, to open a window, he went away and put on a tie and collar. It + was an attention so conspicuous that even the group of men in the far + corner noticed and commented on it, and then they commented on Amanda and + Benham, assuming an ignorance of Italian in the visitors that was only + partly justifiable. “Bellissima,” “bravissima,” “signorina,” “Inglesa,” + one need not be born in Italy to understand such words as these. Also they + addressed sly comments and encouragements to the landlord as he went to + and fro. + </p> + <p> + Benham was rather still and stiff during the meal, but it ill becomes an + English aristocrat to discuss the manners of an alien population, and + Amanda was amused by the effusion of the landlord and a little disposed to + experiment upon him. She sat radiating light amidst the shadows. + </p> + <p> + The question of the vehicle was broached. The landlord was doubtful, then + an idea, it was manifestly a questionable idea, occurred to him. He went + to consult an obscure brown-faced individual in the corner, disappeared, + and the world without became eloquent. Presently he returned and announced + that a carozza was practicable. It had been difficult, but he had + contrived it. And he remained hovering over the conclusion of their meal, + asking questions about Amanda's mountaineering and expressing incredulous + admiration. + </p> + <p> + His bill, which he presented with an uneasy flourish, was large and + included the carozza. + </p> + <p> + He ushered them out to the carriage with civilities and compliments. It + had manifestly been difficult and contrived. It was dusty and blistered, + there had been a hasty effort to conceal its recent use as a hen-roost, + the harness was mended with string. The horse was gaunt and scandalous, a + dirty white, and carried its head apprehensively. The driver had but one + eye, through which there gleamed a concentrated hatred of God and man. + </p> + <p> + “No wonder he charged for it before we saw it,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + “It's better than walking,” said Amanda. + </p> + <p> + The company in the inn gathered behind the landlord and scrutinized Amanda + and Benham intelligently. The young couple got in. “Avanti,” said Benham, + and Amanda bestowed one last ineradicable memory on the bowing landlord. + </p> + <p> + Benham did not speak until just after they turned the first corner, and + then something portentous happened, considering the precipitous position + of the road they were upon. A small boy appeared sitting in the grass by + the wayside, and at the sight of him the white horse shied extravagantly. + The driver rose in his seat ready to jump. But the crisis passed without a + smash. “Cheetah!” cried Amanda suddenly. “This isn't safe.” “Ah!” said + Benham, and began to act with the vigour of one who has long accumulated + force. He rose in his place and gripped the one-eyed driver by the collar. + “ASPETTO,” he said, but he meant “Stop!” The driver understood that he + meant “Stop,” and obeyed. + </p> + <p> + Benham wasted no time in parleying with the driver. He indicated to him + and to Amanda by a comprehensive gesture that he had business with the + landlord, and with a gleaming appetite upon his face went running back + towards the inn. + </p> + <p> + The landlord was sitting down to a little game of dominoes with his + friends when Benham reappeared in the sunlight of the doorway. There was + no misunderstanding Benham's expression. + </p> + <p> + For a moment the landlord was disposed to be defiant. Then he changed his + mind. Benham's earnest face was within a yard of his own, and a + threatening forefinger was almost touching his nose. + </p> + <p> + “Albergo cattivissimo,” said Benham. “Cattivissimo! Pranzo cattivissimo + 'orrido. Cavallo cattivissimo, dangerousissimo. Gioco abominablissimo, + damnissimo. Capisce. Eh?” [*] + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * This is vile Italian. It may—with a certain charity to + Benham—be rendered: “The beastliest inn! The beastliest! + The beastliest, most awful lunch! The vilest horse! Most + dangerous! Abominable trick! Understand?” + </pre> + <p> + The landlord made deprecatory gestures. + </p> + <p> + “YOU understand all right,” said Benham. “Da me il argento per il carozzo. + Subito?” [*] + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * “Give me back the money for the carriage. QUICKLY!” + </pre> + <p> + The landlord was understood to ask whether the signor no longer wished for + the carriage. + </p> + <p> + “SUBITO!” cried Benham, and giving way to a long-restrained impulse seized + the padrone by the collar of his coat and shook him vigorously. + </p> + <p> + There were dissuasive noises from the company, but no attempt at rescue. + Benham released his hold. + </p> + <p> + “Adesso!” said Benham. [*] + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * “NOW!” + </pre> + <p> + The landlord decided to disgorge. It was at any rate a comfort that the + beautiful lady was not seeing anything of this. And he could explain + afterwards to his friends that the Englishman was clearly a lunatic, + deserving pity rather than punishment. He made some sound of protest, but + attempted no delay in refunding the money Benham had prepaid. Outside + sounded the wheels of the returning carriage. They stopped. Amanda + appeared in the doorway and discovered Benham dominant. + </p> + <p> + He was a little short of breath, and as she came in he was addressing the + landlord with much earnestness in the following compact sentences. + </p> + <p> + “Attendez! Ecco! Adesso noi andiamo con questa cattivissimo cavallo a + Piedimulera. Si noi arrivero in safety, securo that is, pagaremo. Non + altro. Si noi abbiamo accidento Dio—Dio have mercy on your sinful + soul. See! Capisce? That's all.” [*] + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * “Now we will go with this beastly horse to Piedimulera. If + we get there safely I will pay. If we have an accident, + then—” + </pre> + <p> + He turned to Amanda. “Get back into the thing,” he said. “We won't have + these stinking beasts think we are afraid of the job. I've just made sure + he won't have a profit by it if we smash up. That's all. I might have + known what he was up to when he wanted the money beforehand.” He came to + the doorway and with a magnificent gesture commanded the perplexed driver + to turn the carriage. + </p> + <p> + While that was being done he discoursed upon his adjacent + fellow-creatures. “A man who pays beforehand for anything in this filthy + sort of life is a fool. You see the standards of the beast. They think of + nothing but their dirty little tricks to get profit, their garlic, their + sour wine, their games of dominoes, their moments of lust. They crawl in + this place like cockroaches in a warm corner of the fireplace until they + die. Look at the scabby frontage of the house. Look at the men's faces.... + Yes. So! Adequato. Aspettate.... Get back into the carriage, Amanda.” + </p> + <p> + “You know it's dangerous, Cheetah. The horse is a shier. That man is blind + in one eye.” + </p> + <p> + “Get back into the carriage,” said Benham, whitely angry. “I AM GOING TO + DRIVE!” + </p> + <p> + “But—!” + </p> + <p> + Just for a moment Amanda looked scared. Then with a queer little laugh she + jumped in again. + </p> + <p> + Amanda was never a coward when there was excitement afoot. “We'll smash!” + she cried, by no means woefully. + </p> + <p> + “Get up beside me,” said Benham speaking in English to the driver but with + a gesture that translated him. Power over men radiated from Benham in this + angry mood. He took the driver's seat. The little driver ascended and then + with a grim calmness that brooked no resistance Benham reached over, took + and fastened the apron over their knees to prevent any repetition of the + jumping out tactics. + </p> + <p> + The recovering landlord became voluble in the doorway. + </p> + <p> + “In Piedimulera pagero,” said Benham over his shoulder and brought the + whip across the white outstanding ribs. “Get up!” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + Amanda gripped the sides of the seat as the carriage started into motion. + </p> + <p> + He laid the whip on again with such vigour that the horse forgot + altogether to shy at the urchin that had scared it before. + </p> + <p> + “Amanda,” said Benham leaning back. “If we do happen to go over on THAT + side, jump out. It's all clear and wide for you. This side won't matter so—” + </p> + <p> + “MIND!” screamed Amanda and recalled him to his duties. He was off the + road and he had narrowly missed an outstanding chestnut true. + </p> + <p> + “No, you don't,” said Benham presently, and again their career became + erratic for a time as after a slight struggle he replaced the apron over + the knees of the deposed driver. It had been furtively released. After + that Benham kept an eye on it that might have been better devoted to the + road. + </p> + <p> + The road went down in a series of curves and corners. Now and then there + were pacific interludes when it might have been almost any road. Then, + again, it became specifically an Italian mountain road. Now and then only + a row of all too infrequent granite stumps separated them from a sheer + precipice. Some of the corners were miraculous, and once they had a wheel + in a ditch for a time, they shaved the parapet of a bridge over a gorge + and they drove a cyclist into a patch of maize, they narrowly missed a + goat and jumped three gullies, thrice the horse stumbled and was jerked up + in time, there were sickening moments, and withal they got down to + Piedimulera unbroken and unspilt. It helped perhaps that the brake, with + its handle like a barrel organ, had been screwed up before Benham took + control. And when they were fairly on the level outside the town Benham + suddenly pulled up, relinquished the driving into the proper hands and + came into the carriage with Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “Safe now,” he said compactly. + </p> + <p> + The driver appeared to be murmuring prayers very softly as he examined the + brake. + </p> + <p> + Amanda was struggling with profound problems. “Why didn't you drive down + in the first place?” she asked. “Without going back.” + </p> + <p> + “The landlord annoyed me,” he said. “I had to go back.... I wish I had + kicked him. Hairy beast! If anything had happened, you see, he would have + had his mean money. I couldn't bear to leave him.” + </p> + <p> + “And why didn't you let HIM drive?” She indicated the driver by a motion + of the head. + </p> + <p> + “I was angry,” said Benham. “I was angry at the whole thing.” + </p> + <p> + “Still—” + </p> + <p> + “You see I think I did that because he might have jumped off if I hadn't + been up there to prevent him—I mean if we had had a smash. I didn't + want him to get out of it.” + </p> + <p> + “But you too—” + </p> + <p> + “You see I was angry....” + </p> + <p> + “It's been as good as a switchback,” said Amanda after reflection. “But + weren't you a little careless about me, Cheetah?” + </p> + <p> + “I never thought of you,” said Benham, and then as if he felt that + inadequate: “You see—I was so annoyed. It's odd at times how annoyed + one gets. Suddenly when that horse shied I realized what a beastly + business life was—as those brutes up there live it. I want to clear + out the whole hot, dirty, little aimless nest of them....” + </p> + <p> + “No, I'm sure,” he repeated after a pause as though he had been digesting + something “I wasn't thinking about you at all.” + </p> + <p> + 4 + </p> + <p> + The suppression of his discovery that his honeymoon was not in the least + the great journey of world exploration he had intended, but merely an + impulsive pleasure hunt, was by no means the only obscured and repudiated + conflict that disturbed the mind and broke out upon the behaviour of + Benham. Beneath that issue he was keeping down a far more intimate + conflict. It was in those lower, still less recognized depths that the + volcanic fire arose and the earthquakes gathered strength. The Amanda he + had loved, the Amanda of the gallant stride and fluttering skirt was with + him still, she marched rejoicing over the passes, and a dearer Amanda, a + soft whispering creature with dusky hair, who took possession of him when + she chose, a soft creature who was nevertheless a fierce creature, was + also interwoven with his life. But— But there was now also a + multitude of other Amandas who had this in common that they roused him to + opposition, that they crossed his moods and jarred upon his spirit. And + particularly there was the Conquering Amanda not so much proud of her + beauty as eager to test it, so that she was not unmindful of the stir she + made in hotel lounges, nor of the magic that may shine memorably through + the most commonplace incidental conversation. This Amanda was only too + manifestly pleased to think that she made peasant lovers discontented and + hotel porters unmercenary; she let her light shine before men. We lovers, + who had deemed our own subjugation a profound privilege, love not this + further expansiveness of our lady's empire. But Benham knew that no + aristocrat can be jealous; jealousy he held to be the vice of the hovel + and farmstead and suburban villa, and at an enormous expenditure of will + he ignored Amanda's waving flags and roving glances. So, too, he denied + that Amanda who was sharp and shrewd about money matters, that flash of an + Amanda who was greedy for presents and possessions, that restless Amanda + who fretted at any cessation of excitement, and that darkly thoughtful + Amanda whom chance observations and questions showed to be still + considering an account she had to settle with Lady Marayne. He resisted + these impressions, he shut them out of his mind, but still they worked + into his thoughts, and presently he could find himself asking, even as he + and she went in step striding side by side through the red-scarred + pinewoods in the most perfect outward harmony, whether after all he was so + happily mated as he declared himself to be a score of times a day, whether + he wasn't catching glimpses of reality through a veil of delusion that + grew thinner and thinner and might leave him disillusioned in the face of + a relationship— + </p> + <p> + Sometimes a man may be struck by a thought as though he had been struck in + the face, and when the name of Mrs. Skelmersdale came into his head, he + glanced at his wife by his side as if it were something that she might + well have heard. Was this indeed the same thing as that? Wonderful, fresh + as the day of Creation, clean as flame, yet the same! Was Amanda indeed + the sister of Mrs. Skelmersdale—wrought of clean fire, but her + sister?... + </p> + <p> + But also beside the inimical aspects which could set such doubts afoot + there were in her infinite variety yet other Amandas neither very dear nor + very annoying, but for the most part delightful, who entertained him as + strangers might, Amandas with an odd twist which made them amusing to + watch, jolly Amandas who were simply irrelevant. There was for example + Amanda the Dog Mistress, with an astonishing tact and understanding of + dogs, who could explain dogs and the cock of their ears and the droop of + their tails and their vanity and their fidelity, and why they looked up + and why they suddenly went off round the corner, and their pride in the + sound of their voices and their dastardly thoughts and sniffing + satisfactions, so that for the first time dogs had souls for Benham to + see. And there was an Amanda with a striking passion for the sleekness and + soft noses of horses. And there was an Amanda extremely garrulous, who was + a biographical dictionary and critical handbook to all the girls in the + school she had attended at Chichester—they seemed a very girlish lot + of girls; and an Amanda who was very knowing—knowing was the only + word for it—about pictures and architecture. And these and all the + other Amandas agreed together to develop and share this one quality in + common, that altogether they pointed to no end, they converged on nothing. + She was, it grew more and more apparent, a miscellany bound in a body. She + was an animated discursiveness. That passion to get all things together + into one aristocratic aim, that restraint of purpose, that imperative to + focus, which was the structural essential of Benham's spirit, was + altogether foreign to her composition. + </p> + <p> + There were so many Amandas, they were as innumerable as the Venuses—Cytherea, + Cypria, Paphia, Popularia, Euploea, Area, Verticordia, Etaira, Basilea, + Myrtea, Libertina, Freya, Astarte, Philommedis, Telessigamma, Anadyomene, + and a thousand others to whom men have bowed and built temples, a thousand + and the same, and yet it seemed to Benham there was still one wanting. + </p> + <p> + The Amanda he had loved most wonderfully was that Amanda in armour who had + walked with him through the wilderness of the world along the road to + Chichester—and that Amanda came back to him no more. + </p> + <p> + 5 + </p> + <p> + Amanda too was making her observations and discoveries. + </p> + <p> + These moods of his perplexed her; she was astonished to find he was + becoming irritable; she felt that he needed a firm but gentle discipline + in his deportment as a lover. At first he had been perfect.... + </p> + <p> + But Amanda was more prepared for human inconsecutiveness than Benham, + because she herself was inconsecutive, and her dissatisfaction with his + irritations and preoccupation broadened to no general discontent. He had + seemed perfect and he wasn't. So nothing was perfect. And he had to be + managed, just as one must manage a dog or a cousin or a mother or a horse. + Anyhow she had got him, she had no doubt that she held him by a thousand + ties, the spotless leopard had him between her teeth, he was a prisoner in + the dusk of her hair, and the world was all one vast promise of + entertainment. + </p> + <p> + 6 + </p> + <p> + But the raid into the Balkans was not the tremendous success she had + expected it to be. They had adventures, but they were not the richly + coloured, mediaeval affairs she had anticipated. For the most part until + Benham broke loose beyond Ochrida they were adventures in discomfort. In + those remote parts of Europe inns die away and cease, and it had never + occurred to Amanda that inns could die away anywhere. She had thought that + they just became very simple and natural and quaint. And she had thought + that when benighted people knocked at a door it would presently open + hospitably. She had not expected shots at random from the window. And it + is not usual in Albania generally for women, whether they are Christian or + Moslem, to go about unveiled; when they do so it leads to singular + manifestations. The moral sense of the men is shocked and staggered, and + they show it in many homely ways. Small boys at that age when feminine + beauty does not yet prevail with them, pelt. Also in Mahometan districts + they pelt men who do not wear fezzes, while occasionally Christians of the + shawl-headed or skull-cap persuasions will pelt a fez. Sketching is always + a peltable or mobable offence, as being contrary to the Koran, and sitting + down tempts the pelter. Generally they pelt. The dogs of Albania are + numerous, big, dirty, white dogs, large and hostile, and they attack with + little hesitation. The women of Albania are secluded and remote, and + indisposed to be of service to an alien sister. Roads are infrequent and + most bridges have broken down. No bridge has been repaired since the later + seventeenth century, and no new bridge has been made since the decline and + fall of the Roman Empire. There are no shops at all. The scenery is + magnificent but precipitous, and many of the high roads are difficult to + trace. And there is rain. In Albania there is sometimes very heavy rain. + </p> + <p> + Yet in spite of these drawbacks they spent some splendid hours in their + exploration of that wild lost country beyond the Adriatic headlands. There + was the approach to Cattaro for example, through an arm of the sea, + amazingly beautiful on either shore, that wound its way into the wild + mountains and ended in a deep blue bay under the tremendous declivity of + Montenegro. The quay, with its trees and lateen craft, ran along under the + towers and portcullised gate of the old Venetian wall, within clustered + the town, and then the fortifications zigzagged up steeply to a monstrous + fantastic fortress perched upon a great mountain headland that overhung + the town. Behind it the rocks, slashed to and fro with the road to + Cettinje, continued to ascend into blue haze, upward and upward until they + became a purple curtain that filled half the heavens. The paved still town + was squalid by day, but in the evening it became theatrically incredible, + with an outdoor cafe amidst flowers and creepers, a Hungarian military + band, a rabble of promenaders like a stage chorus in gorgeous costumes and + a great gibbous yellow moon. + </p> + <p> + And there was Kroia, which Benham and Amanda saw first through the + branches of the great trees that bordered the broad green track they were + following. The town and its castle were poised at a tremendous height, + sunlit and brilliant against a sombre mass of storm cloud, over vast + cliffs and ravines. Kroia continued to be beautiful through a steep + laborious approach up to the very place itself, a clustering group of + houses and bazaars crowned with a tower and a minaret, and from a painted + corridor upon this crest they had a wonderful view of the great seaward + levels, and even far away the blue sea itself stretching between Scutari + and Durazzo. The eye fell in succession down the stages of a vast and + various descent, on the bazaars and tall minarets of the town, on jagged + rocks and precipices, on slopes of oak forest and slopes of olive woods, + on blue hills dropping away beyond blue hills to the coast. And behind + them when they turned they saw great mountains, sullenly magnificent, + cleft into vast irregular masses, dense with woods below and grim and + desolate above.... + </p> + <p> + These were unforgettable scenes, and so too was the wild lonely valley + through which they rode to Ochrida amidst walnut and chestnut trees and + scattered rocks, and the first vision of that place itself, with its + fertile levels dotted with sheep and cattle, its castle and clustering + mosques, its spacious blue lake and the great mountains rising up towards + Olympus under the sun. And there was the first view of the blue Lake of + Presba seen between silvery beech stems, and that too had Olympus in the + far background, plain now and clear and unexpectedly snowy. And there were + midday moments when they sat and ate under vines and heard voices singing + very pleasantly, and there were forest glades and forest tracks in a great + variety of beauty with mountains appearing through their parted branches, + there were ilex woods, chestnut woods, beech woods, and there were strings + of heavily-laden mules staggering up torrent-worn tracks, and strings of + blue-swathed mysterious-eyed women with burthens on their heads passing + silently, and white remote houses and ruins and deep gorges and precipices + and ancient half-ruinous bridges over unruly streams. And if there was + rain there was also the ending of rain, rainbows, and the piercing of + clouds by the sun's incandescence, and sunsets and the moon, first full, + then new and then growing full again as the holiday wore on. + </p> + <p> + They found tolerable accommodation at Cattaro and at Cettinje and at a + place halfway between them. It was only when they had secured a guide and + horses, and pushed on into the south-east of Montenegro that they began to + realize the real difficulties of their journey. They aimed for a place + called Podgoritza, which had a partially justifiable reputation for an + inn, they missed the road and spent the night in the open beside a fire, + rolled in the blankets they had very fortunately bought in Cettinje. They + supped on biscuits and Benham's brandy flask. It chanced to be a fine + night, and, drawn like moths by the fire, four heavily-armed mountaineers + came out of nowhere, sat down beside Benham and Amanda, rolled cigarettes, + achieved conversation in bad Italian through the muleteer and awaited + refreshment. They approved of the brandy highly, they finished it, and + towards dawn warmed to song. They did not sing badly, singing in chorus, + but it appeared to Amanda that the hour might have been better chosen. In + the morning they were agreeably surprised to find one of the Englishmen + was an Englishwoman, and followed every accessible detail of her toilette + with great interest. They were quite helpful about breakfast when the + trouble was put to them; two vanished over a crest and reappeared with + some sour milk, a slabby kind of bread, goat's cheese young but hardened, + and coffee and the means of making coffee, and they joined spiritedly in + the ensuing meal. It ought to have been extraordinarily good fun, this + camp under the vast heavens and these wild visitors, but it was not such + fun as it ought to have been because both Amanda and Benham were extremely + cold, stiff, sleepy, grubby and cross, and when at last they were back in + the way to Podgoritza and had parted, after some present-giving from their + chance friends, they halted in a sunlit grassy place, rolled themselves up + in their blankets and recovered their arrears of sleep. + </p> + <p> + Podgoritza was their first experience of a khan, those oriental + substitutes for hotels, and it was a deceptively good khan, indeed it was + not a khan at all, it was an inn; it provided meals, it had a kind of bar, + or at any rate a row of bottles and glasses, it possessed an upper floor + with rooms, separate rooms, opening on to a gallery. The room had no beds + but it had a shelf about it on which Amanda and Benham rolled up in their + blankets and slept. “We can do this sort of thing all right,” said Amanda + and Benham. “But we mustn't lose the way again.” + </p> + <p> + “In Scutari,” said Benham, “we will get an extra horse and a tent.” + </p> + <p> + The way presently became a lake and they reached Scutari by boat towards + the dawn of the next day.... + </p> + <p> + The extra horse involved the addition of its owner, a small suspicious + Latin Christian, to the company, and of another horse for him and an ugly + almost hairless boy attendant. Moreover the British consul prevailed with + Benham to accept the services of a picturesque Arnaut CAVASSE, complete + with a rifle, knives, and other implements and the name of Giorgio. And as + they got up into the highlands beyond Scutari they began to realize the + deceitfulness of Podgoritza and the real truth about khans. Their next one + they reached after a rainy evening, and it was a cavernous room with a + floor of indurated mud and full of eye-stinging wood-smoke and wind and + the smell of beasts, unpartitioned, with a weakly hostile custodian from + whom no food could be got but a little goat's flesh and bread. The meat + Giorgio stuck upon a skewer in gobbets like cats-meat and cooked before + the fire. For drink there was coffee and raw spirits. Against the wall in + one corner was a slab of wood rather like the draining board in a + scullery, and on this the guests were expected to sleep. The horses and + the rest of the party camped loosely about the adjacent corner after a + bitter dispute upon some unknown point between the horse owner and the + custodian. + </p> + <p> + Amanda and Benham were already rolled up on their slanting board like a + couple of chrysalids when other company began to arrive through the open + door out of the moonlight, drawn thither by the report of a travelling + Englishwoman. + </p> + <p> + They were sturdy men in light coloured garments adorned ostentatiously + with weapons, they moved mysteriously about in the firelit darknesses and + conversed in undertones with Giorgio. Giorgio seemed to have considerable + powers of exposition and a gift for social organization. Presently he came + to Benham and explained that raki was available and that hospitality would + do no harm; Benham and Amanda sat up and various romantic figures with + splendid moustaches came forward and shook hands with him, modestly + ignoring Amanda. There was drinking, in which Benham shared, + incomprehensible compliments, much ineffective saying of “BUONA NOTTE,” + and at last Amanda and Benham counterfeited sleep. This seemed to remove a + check on the conversation and a heated discussion in tense undertones went + on, it seemed interminably.... Probably very few aspects of Benham and + Amanda were ignored.... Towards morning the twanging of a string + proclaimed the arrival of a querulous-faced minstrel with a sort of + embryonic one-stringed horse-headed fiddle, and after a brief parley + singing began, a long high-pitched solo. The fiddle squealed pitifully + under the persuasion of a semicircular bow. Two heads were lifted + enquiringly. + </p> + <p> + The singer had taken up his position at their feet and faced them. It was + a compliment. + </p> + <p> + “OH!” said Amanda, rolling over. + </p> + <p> + The soloist obliged with three songs, and then, just as day was breaking, + stopped abruptly and sprawled suddenly on the floor as if he had been + struck asleep. He was vocal even in his sleep. A cock in the far corner + began crowing and was answered by another outside.... + </p> + <p> + But this does not give a full account of the animation of the khan. “OH!” + said Amanda, rolling over again with the suddenness of accumulated anger. + </p> + <p> + “They're worse than in Scutari,” said Benham, understanding her trouble + instantly. + </p> + <p> + “It isn't days and nights we are having,” said Benham a few days later, + “it's days and nightmares.” + </p> + <p> + But both he and Amanda had one quality in common. The deeper their + discomfort the less possible it was to speak of turning back from the + itinerary they had planned.... + </p> + <p> + They met no robbers, though an excited little English Levantine in Scutari + had assured them they would do so and told a vivid story of a ride to + Ipek, a delay on the road due to a sudden inexplicable lameness of his + horse after a halt for refreshment, a political discussion that delayed + him, his hurry through the still twilight to make up for lost time, the + coming on of night and the sudden silent apparition out of the darkness of + the woods about the road of a dozen armed men each protruding a gun + barrel. “Sometimes they will wait for you at a ford or a broken bridge,” + he said. “In the mountains they rob for arms. They assassinate the Turkish + soldiers even. It is better to go unarmed unless you mean to fight for + it.... Have you got arms?” + </p> + <p> + “Just a revolver,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + But it was after that that he closed with Giorgio. + </p> + <p> + If they found no robbers in Albania, they met soon enough with bloodshed. + They came to a village where a friend of a friend of Giorgio's was + discovered, and they slept at his house in preference to the unclean and + crowded khan. Here for the first time Amanda made the acquaintance of + Albanian women and was carried off to the woman's region at the top of the + house, permitted to wash, closely examined, shown a baby and confided in + as generously as gesture and some fragments of Italian would permit. + Benham slept on a rug on the first floor in a corner of honour beside the + wood fire. There had been much confused conversation and some singing, he + was dog-tired and slept heavily, and when presently he was awakened by + piercing screams he sat up in a darkness that seemed to belong neither to + time nor place.... + </p> + <p> + Near his feet was an ashen glow that gave no light. + </p> + <p> + His first perplexity gave way to dismay at finding no Amanda by his side. + “Amanda!” he cried.... + </p> + <p> + Her voice floated down through a chink in the floor above. “What can it + be, Cheetah?” + </p> + <p> + Then: “It's coming nearer.” + </p> + <p> + The screaming continued, heart-rending, eviscerating shrieks. Benham, + still confused, lit a match. All the men about him were stirring or + sitting up and listening, their faces showing distorted and ugly in the + flicker of his light. “CHE E?” he tried. No one answered. Then one by one + they stood up and went softly to the ladder that led to the stable-room + below. Benham struck a second match and a third. + </p> + <p> + “Giorgio!” he called. + </p> + <p> + The cavasse made an arresting gesture and followed discreetly and + noiselessly after the others, leaving Benham alone in the dark. + </p> + <p> + Benham heard their shuffling patter, one after the other, down the ladder, + the sounds of a door being unbarred softly, and then no other sound but + that incessant shrieking in the darkness. + </p> + <p> + Had they gone out? Were they standing at the door looking out into the + night and listening? + </p> + <p> + Amanda had found the chink and her voice sounded nearer. + </p> + <p> + “It's a woman,” she said. + </p> + <p> + The shrieking came nearer and nearer, long, repeated, throat-tearing + shrieks. Far off there was a great clamour of dogs. And there was another + sound, a whisper—? + </p> + <p> + “RAIN!” + </p> + <p> + The shrieks seemed to turn into a side street and receded. The tension of + listening relaxed. Men's voices sounded below in question and answer. Dogs + close at hand barked shortly and then stopped enquiringly. + </p> + <p> + Benham seemed to himself to be sitting alone for an interminable time. He + lit another match and consulted his watch. It was four o'clock and nearly + dawn.... + </p> + <p> + Then slowly and stumbling up the ladder the men began to return to + Benham's room. + </p> + <p> + “Ask them what it is,” urged Amanda. + </p> + <p> + But for a time not even Giorgio would understand Benham's questions. There + seemed to be a doubt whether he ought to know. The shrieking approached + again and then receded. Giorgio came and stood, a vague thoughtful figure, + by the embers of the fire. Explanation dropped from him reluctantly. It + was nothing. Some one had been killed: that was all. It was a vendetta. A + man had been missing overnight, and this morning his brother who had been + prowling and searching with some dogs had found him, or rather his head. + It was on this side of the ravine, thrown over from the other bank on + which the body sprawled stiffly, wet through, and now growing visible in + the gathering daylight. Yes—the voice was the man's wife. It was + raining hard.... There would be shrieking for nine days. Yes, nine days. + Confirmation with the fingers when Benham still fought against the facts. + Her friends and relatives would come and shriek too. Two of the dead man's + aunts were among the best keeners in the whole land. They could keen + marvellously. It was raining too hard to go on.... The road would be + impossible in rain.... Yes it was very melancholy. Her house was close at + hand. Perhaps twenty or thirty women would join her. It was impossible to + go on until it had stopped raining. It would be tiresome, but what could + one do?... + </p> + <p> + 7 + </p> + <p> + As they sat upon the parapet of a broken bridge on the road between + Elbassan and Ochrida Benham was moved to a dissertation upon the condition + of Albania and the politics of the Balkan peninsula. + </p> + <p> + “Here we are,” he said, “not a week from London, and you see the sort of + life that men live when the forces of civilization fail. We have been + close to two murders—” + </p> + <p> + “Two?” + </p> + <p> + “That little crowd in the square at Scutari— That was a murder. I + didn't tell you at the time.” + </p> + <p> + “But I knew it was,” said Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “And you see the filth of it all, the toiling discomfort of it all. There + is scarcely a house here in all the land that is not filthier and viler + than the worst slum in London. No man ventures far from his village + without arms, everywhere there is fear. The hills are impassable because + of the shepherd's dogs. Over those hills a little while ago a stranger was + torn to pieces by dogs—and partially eaten. Amanda, these dogs + madden me. I shall let fly at the beasts. The infernal indignity of it! + But that is by the way. You see how all this magnificent country lies + waste with nothing but this crawling, ugly mockery of human life.” + </p> + <p> + “They sing,” said Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Benham and reflected, “they do sing. I suppose singing is the + last thing left to men. When there is nothing else you can still sit about + and sing. Miners who have been buried in mines will sing, people going + down in ships.” + </p> + <p> + “The Sussex labourers don't sing,” said Amanda. “These people sing well.” + </p> + <p> + “They would probably sing as well if they were civilized. Even if they + didn't I shouldn't care. All the rest of their lives is muddle and cruelty + and misery. Look at the women. There was that party of bent creatures we + met yesterday, carrying great bundles, carrying even the men's cloaks and + pipes, while their rascal husbands and brothers swaggered behind. Look at + the cripples we have seen and the mutilated men. If we have met one man + without a nose, we have met a dozen. And stunted people. All these people + are like evil schoolboys; they do nothing but malicious mischief; there is + nothing adult about them but their voices; they are like the heroic dreams + of young ruffians in a penitentiary. You saw that man at Scutari in the + corner of the bazaar, the gorgeous brute, you admired him—.” + </p> + <p> + “The man with the gold inlaid pistols and the diamonds on his yataghan. He + wanted to show them to us.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes. You let him see you admired him.” + </p> + <p> + “I liked the things on his stall.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, he has killed nearly thirty people.” + </p> + <p> + “In duels?” + </p> + <p> + “Good Lord! NO! Assassinations. His shoemaker annoyed him by sending in a + bill. He went to the man's stall, found him standing with his child in his + arms and blew out his brains. He blundered against a passer-by in the road + and shot him. Those are his feats. Sometimes his pistols go off in the + bazaar just by accident.” + </p> + <p> + “Does nobody kill him?” + </p> + <p> + “I wanted to,” said Benham and became thoughtful for a time. “I think I + ought to have made some sort of quarrel. But then as I am an Englishman he + might have hesitated. He would have funked a strange beast like me. And I + couldn't have shot him if he had hesitated. And if he hadn't—” + </p> + <p> + “But doesn't a blood feud come down on him?” + </p> + <p> + “It only comes down on his family. The shoemaker's son thought the matter + over and squared accounts by putting the muzzle of a gun into the small of + the back of our bully's uncle. It was easier that way.... You see you're + dealing with men of thirteen years old or thereabouts, the boy who doesn't + grow up.” + </p> + <p> + “But doesn't the law—?” + </p> + <p> + “There's no law. Only custom and the Turkish tax collector. + </p> + <p> + “You see this is what men are where there is no power, no discipline, no + ruler, no responsibility. This is a masterless world. This is pure + democracy. This is the natural state of men. This is the world of the + bully and the brigand and assassin, the world of the mud-pelter and + brawler, the world of the bent woman, the world of the flea and the fly, + the open drain and the baying dog. This is what the British sentimentalist + thinks a noble state for men.” + </p> + <p> + “They fight for freedom.” + </p> + <p> + “They fight among each other. There are their private feuds and their + village feuds and above all that great feud religion. In Albania there is + only one religion and that is hate. But there are three churches for the + better cultivation of hate and cruelty, the Latin, the Greek and the + Mahometan.” + </p> + <p> + “But no one has ever conquered these people.” + </p> + <p> + “Any one could, the Servians, the Bulgarians, the Greeks, the Italians, + the Austrians. Why, they can't even shoot! It's just the balance of power + and all that foolery keeps this country a roadless wilderness. Good God, + how I tire of it! These men who swagger and stink, their brawling dogs, + their greasy priests and dervishes, the down-at-heel soldiers, the bribery + and robbery, the cheating over the money....” + </p> + <p> + He slipped off the parapet, too impatient to sit any longer, and began to + pace up and down in the road. + </p> + <p> + “One marvels that no one comes to clear up this country, one itches to be + at the job, and then one realizes that before one can begin here, one must + get to work back there, where the fools and pedants of WELT POLITIK scheme + mischief one against another. This country frets me. I can't see any fun + in it, can't see the humour of it. And the people away there know no + better than to play off tribe against tribe, sect against sect, one + peasant prejudice against another. Over this pass the foolery grows + grimmer and viler. We shall come to where the Servian plots against the + Bulgarian and the Greek against both, and the Turk, with spasmodic + massacres and indulgences, broods over the brew. Every division is + subdivided. There are two sorts of Greek church, Exarchic, Patriarchic, + both teaching by threat and massacre. And there is no one, no one, with + the sense to over-ride all these squalid hostilities. All those fools away + there in London and Vienna and St. Petersburg and Rome take sides as + though these beastly tribes and leagues and superstitions meant anything + but blank, black, damnable ignorance. One fool stands up for the Catholic + Albanians, another finds heroes in the Servians, another talks of Brave + Little Montenegro, or the Sturdy Bulgarian, or the Heroic Turk. There + isn't a religion in the whole Balkan peninsula, there isn't a tribal or + national sentiment that deserves a moment's respect from a sane man. + They're things like niggers' nose-rings and Chinese secret societies; + childish things, idiot things that have to go. Yet there is no one who + will preach the only possible peace, which is the peace of the + world-state, the open conspiracy of all the sane men in the world against + the things that break us up into wars and futilities. And here am I—who + have the light—WANDERING! Just wandering!” + </p> + <p> + He shrugged his shoulders and came to stare at the torrent under the + bridge. + </p> + <p> + “You're getting ripe for London, Cheetah,” said Amanda softly. + </p> + <p> + “I want somehow to get to work, to get my hands on definite things.” + </p> + <p> + “How can we get back?” + </p> + <p> + She had to repeat her question presently. + </p> + <p> + “We can go on. Over the hills is Ochrida and then over another pass is + Presba, and from there we go down into Monastir and reach a railway and + get back to the world of our own times again.” + </p> + <p> + 8 + </p> + <p> + But before they reached the world of their own times Macedonia was to show + them something grimmer than Albania. + </p> + <p> + They were riding through a sunlit walnut wood beyond Ochrida when they + came upon the thing. + </p> + <p> + The first they saw of it looked like a man lying asleep on a grassy bank. + But he lay very still indeed, he did not look up, he did not stir as they + passed, the pose of his hand was stiff, and when Benham glanced back at + him, he stifled a little cry of horror. For this man had no face and the + flies had been busy upon him.... + </p> + <p> + Benham caught Amanda's bridle so that she had to give her attention to her + steed. + </p> + <p> + “Ahead!” he said, “Ahead! Look, a village!” + </p> + <p> + (Why the devil didn't they bury the man? Why? And that fool Giorgio and + the others were pulling up and beginning to chatter. After all she might + look back.) + </p> + <p> + Through the trees now they could see houses. He quickened his pace and + jerked Amanda's horse forward.... + </p> + <p> + But the village was a still one. Not a dog barked. + </p> + <p> + Here was an incredible village without even a dog! + </p> + <p> + And then, then they saw some more people lying about. A woman lay in a + doorway. Near her was something muddy that might have been a child, beyond + were six men all spread out very neatly in a row with their faces to the + sky. + </p> + <p> + “Cheetah!” cried Amanda, with her voice going up. “They've been killed. + Some one has killed them.” + </p> + <p> + Benham halted beside her and stared stupidly. “It's a band,” he said. + “It's—propaganda. Greeks or Turks or Bulgarians.” + </p> + <p> + “But their feet and hands are fastened! And—... WHAT HAVE THEY BEEN + DOING TO THEM?...” + </p> + <p> + “I want to kill,” cried Benham. “Oh! I want to kill people. Come on, + Amanda! It blisters one's eyes. Come away. Come away! Come!” + </p> + <p> + Her face was white and her eyes terror-stricken. She obeyed him + mechanically. She gave one last look at those bodies.... + </p> + <p> + Down the deep-rutted soil of the village street they clattered. They came + to houses that had been set on fire.... + </p> + <p> + “What is that hanging from a tree?” cried Amanda. “Oh, oh!” + </p> + <p> + “Come on....” + </p> + <p> + Behind them rode the others scared and hurrying. + </p> + <p> + The sunlight had become the light of hell. There was no air but horror. + Across Benham's skies these fly-blown trophies of devilry dangled + mockingly in the place of God. He had no thought but to get away. + </p> + <p> + Presently they encountered a detachment of Turkish soldiers, very greasy + and ragged, with worn-out boots and yellow faces, toiling up the stony + road belatedly to the village. Amanda and Benham riding one behind the + other in a stricken silence passed this labouring column without a + gesture, but presently they heard the commander stopping and questioning + Giorgio.... + </p> + <p> + Then Giorgio and the others came clattering to overtake them. + </p> + <p> + Giorgio was too full to wait for questions. He talked eagerly to Benham's + silence. + </p> + <p> + It must have happened yesterday, he explained. They were Bulgarians—traitors. + They had been converted to the Patriarchists by the Greeks—by a + Greek band, that is to say. They had betrayed one of their own people. Now + a Bulgarian band had descended upon them. Bulgarian bands it seemed were + always particularly rough on Bulgarian-speaking Patriarchists.... + </p> + <p> + 9 + </p> + <p> + That night they slept in a dirty little room in a peasant's house in + Resnia, and in the middle of the night Amanda woke up with a start and + heard Benham talking. He seemed to be sitting up as he talked. But he was + not talking to her and his voice sounded strange. + </p> + <p> + “Flies,” he said, “in the sunlight!” + </p> + <p> + He was silent for a time and then he repeated the same words. + </p> + <p> + Then suddenly he began to declaim. “Oh! Brutes together. Apes. Apes with + knives. Have they no lord, no master, to save them from such things? This + is the life of men when no man rules.... When no man rules.... Not even + himself.... It is because we are idle, because we keep our wits slack and + our wills weak that these poor devils live in hell. These things happen + here and everywhere when the hand that rules grows weak. Away in China now + they are happening. Persia. Africa.... Russia staggers. And I who should + serve the law, I who should keep order, wander and make love.... My God! + may I never forget! May I never forget! Flies in the sunlight! That man's + face. And those six men! + </p> + <p> + “Grip the savage by the throat. + </p> + <p> + “The weak savage in the foreign office, the weak savage at the party + headquarters, feud and indolence and folly. It is all one world. This and + that are all one thing. The spites of London and the mutilations of + Macedonia. The maggots that eat men's faces and the maggots that rot their + minds. Rot their minds. Rot their minds. Rot their minds....” + </p> + <p> + To Amanda it sounded like delirium. + </p> + <p> + “CHEETAH!” she said suddenly between remonstrance and a cry of terror. + </p> + <p> + The darkness suddenly became quite still. He did not move. + </p> + <p> + She was afraid. “Cheetah!” she said again. + </p> + <p> + “What is it, Amanda?” + </p> + <p> + “I thought—. Are you all right?” + </p> + <p> + “Quite.” + </p> + <p> + “But do you feel well?” + </p> + <p> + “I've got this cold I caught in Ochrida. I suppose I'm feverish. But—yes, + I'm well.” + </p> + <p> + “You were talking.” + </p> + <p> + Silence for a time. + </p> + <p> + “I was thinking,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “You talked.” + </p> + <p> + “I'm sorry,” he said after another long pause. + </p> + <p> + 10 + </p> + <p> + The next morning Benham had a pink spot on either cheek, his eyes were + feverishly bright, he would touch no food and instead of coffee he wanted + water. “In Monastir there will be a doctor,” he said. “Monastir is a big + place. In Monastir I will see a doctor. I want a doctor.” + </p> + <p> + They rode out of the village in the freshness before sunrise and up long + hills, and sometimes they went in the shade of woods and sometimes in a + flooding sunshine. Benham now rode in front, preoccupied, intent, + regardless of Amanda, a stranger, and she rode close behind him wondering. + </p> + <p> + “When you get to Monastir, young man,” she told him, inaudibly, “you will + go straight to bed and we'll see what has to be done with you.” + </p> + <p> + “AMMALATO,” said Giorgio confidentially, coming abreast of her. + </p> + <p> + “MEDICO IN MONASTIR,” said Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “SI,—MOLTI MEDICI, MONASTIR,” Giorgio agreed. + </p> + <p> + Then came the inevitable dogs, big white brutes, three in full cry + charging hard at Benham and a younger less enterprising beast running + along the high bank above yapping and making feints to descend. + </p> + <p> + The goatherd, reclining under the shadow of a rock, awaited Benham's + embarrassment with an indolent malice. + </p> + <p> + “You UNCIVILIZED Beasts!” cried Benham, and before Amanda could realize + what he was up to, she heard the crack of his revolver and saw a puff of + blue smoke drift away above his right shoulder. The foremost beast rolled + over and the goatherd had sprung to his feet. He shouted with something + between anger and dismay as Benham, regardless of the fact that the other + dogs had turned and were running back, let fly a second time. Then the + goatherd had clutched at the gun that lay on the grass near at hand, + Giorgio was bawling in noisy remonstrance and also getting ready to shoot, + and the horse-owner and his boy were clattering back to a position of + neutrality up the stony road. “BANG!” came a flight of lead within a yard + of Benham, and then the goatherd was in retreat behind a rock and Giorgio + was shouting “AVANTI, AVANTI!” to Amanda. + </p> + <p> + She grasped his intention and in another moment she had Benham's horse by + the bridle and was leading the retreat. Giorgio followed close, driving + the two baggage mules before him. + </p> + <p> + “I am tired of dogs,” Benham said. “Tired to death of dogs. All savage + dogs must be shot. All through the world. I am tired—” + </p> + <p> + Their road carried them down through the rocky pass and then up a long + slope in the open. Far away on the left they saw the goatherd running and + shouting and other armed goatherds appearing among the rocks. Behind them + the horse-owner and his boy came riding headlong across the zone of + danger. + </p> + <p> + “Dogs must be shot,” said Benham, exalted. “Dogs must be shot.” + </p> + <p> + “Unless they are GOOD dogs,” said Amanda, keeping beside him with an eye + on his revolver. + </p> + <p> + “Unless they are good dogs to every one,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + They rushed along the road in a turbulent dusty huddle of horses and mules + and riders. The horse-owner, voluble in Albanian, was trying to get past + them. His boy pressed behind him. Giorgio in the rear had unslung his + rifle and got it across the front of his saddle. Far away they heard the + sound of a shot, and a kind of shudder in the air overhead witnessed to + the flight of the bullet. They crested a rise and suddenly between the + tree boughs Monastir was in view, a wide stretch of white town, with many + cypress and plane trees, a winding river with many wooden bridges, + clustering minarets of pink and white, a hilly cemetery, and scattered + patches of soldiers' tents like some queer white crop to supplement its + extensive barracks. + </p> + <p> + As they hurried down towards this city of refuge a long string of mules + burthened with great bales of green stuff appeared upon a convergent track + to the left. Besides the customary muleteers there were, by way of an + escort, a couple of tattered Turkish soldiers. All these men watched the + headlong approach of Benham's party with apprehensive inquiry. Giorgio + shouted some sort of information that made the soldiers brighten up and + stare up the hill, and set the muleteers whacking and shouting at their + convoy. It struck Amanda that Giorgio must be telling lies about a + Bulgarian band. In another moment Benham and Amanda found themselves + swimming in a torrent of mules. Presently they overtook a small flock of + fortunately nimble sheep, and picked up several dogs, dogs that happily + disregarded Benham in the general confusion. They also comprehended a + small springless cart, two old women with bundles and an elderly Greek + priest, before their dusty, barking, shouting cavalcade reached the + outskirts of Monastir. The two soldiers had halted behind to cover the + retreat. + </p> + <p> + Benham's ghastly face was now bedewed with sweat and he swayed in his + saddle as he rode. “This is NOT civilization, Amanda,” he said, “this is + NOT civilization.” + </p> + <p> + And then suddenly with extraordinary pathos: + </p> + <p> + “Oh! I want to go to BED! I want to go to BED! A bed with sheets....” + </p> + <p> + To ride into Monastir is to ride into a maze. The streets go nowhere in + particular. At least that was the effect on Amanda and Benham. It was as + if Monastir too had a temperature and was slightly delirious. But at last + they found an hotel—quite a civilized hotel.... + </p> + <p> + The doctor in Monastir was an Armenian with an ambition that outran his + capacity to speak English. He had evidently studied the language chiefly + from books. He thought THESE was pronounced “theser” and THOSE was + pronounced “thoser,” and that every English sentence should be taken at a + rush. He diagnosed Benham's complaint in various languages and failed to + make his meaning clear to Amanda. One combination of words he clung to + obstinately, having clearly the utmost faith in its expressiveness. To + Amanda it sounded like, “May, Ah! Slays,” and it seemed to her that he + sought to intimate a probable fatal termination of Benham's fever. But it + was clear that the doctor was not satisfied that she understood. He came + again with a queer little worn book, a parallel vocabulary of half-a-dozen + European languages. + </p> + <p> + He turned over the pages and pointed to a word. “May! Ah! Slays!” he + repeated, reproachfully, almost bitterly. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, MEASLES!” cried Amanda.... + </p> + <p> + So the spirited honeymoon passed its zenith. + </p> + <p> + 11 + </p> + <p> + The Benhams went as soon as possible down to Smyrna and thence by way of + Uskub tortuously back to Italy. They recuperated at the best hotel of + Locarno in golden November weather, and just before Christmas they turned + their faces back to England. + </p> + <p> + Benham's plans were comprehensive but entirely vague; Amanda had not so + much plans as intentions.... + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0005" id="link2HCH0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THE FIFTH ~~ THE ASSIZE OF JEALOUSY + </h2> + <p> + 1 + </p> + <p> + It was very manifest in the disorder of papers amidst which White spent so + many evenings of interested perplexity before this novel began to be + written that Benham had never made any systematic attempt at editing or + revising his accumulation at all. There were not only overlapping + documents, in which he had returned again to old ideas and restated them + in the light of fresh facts and an apparent unconsciousness of his earlier + effort, but there were mutually destructive papers, new views quite + ousting the old had been tossed in upon the old, and the very definition + of the second limitation, as it had first presented itself to the writer, + had been abandoned. To begin with, this second division had been labelled + “Sex,” in places the heading remained, no effective substitute had been + chosen for some time, but there was a closely-written memorandum, very + much erased and written over and amended, which showed Benham's early + dissatisfaction with that crude rendering of what he had in mind. This + memorandum was tacked to an interrupted fragment of autobiography, a + manuscript soliloquy in which Benham had been discussing his married life. + </p> + <p> + “It was not until I had been married for the better part of a year, and + had spent more than six months in London, that I faced the plain issue + between the aims I had set before myself and the claims and immediate + necessities of my personal life. For all that time I struggled not so much + to reconcile them as to serve them simultaneously....” + </p> + <p> + At that the autobiography stopped short, and the intercalary note began. + </p> + <p> + This intercalary note ran as follows: + </p> + <p> + “I suppose a mind of my sort cannot help but tend towards simplification, + towards making all life turn upon some one dominant idea, complex perhaps + in its reality but reducible at last to one consistent simple statement, a + dominant idea which is essential as nothing else is essential, which makes + and sustains and justifies. This is perhaps the innate disposition of the + human mind, at least of the European mind—for I have some doubts + about the Chinese. Theology drives obstinately towards an ultimate unity + in God, science towards an ultimate unity in law, towards a fundamental + element and a universal material truth from which all material truths + evolve, and in matters of conduct there is the same tendency to refer to a + universal moral law. Now this may be a simplification due to the need of + the human mind to comprehend, and its inability to do so until the load is + lightened by neglecting factors. William James has suggested that on + account of this, theology may be obstinately working away from the truth, + that the truth may be that there are several or many in compatible and + incommensurable gods; science, in the same search for unity, may follow + divergent methods of inquiry into ultimately uninterchangeable + generalizations; and there may be not only not one universal moral law, + but no effective reconciliation of the various rights and duties of a + single individual. At any rate I find myself doubtful to this day about my + own personal systems of right and wrong. I can never get all my life into + one focus. It is exactly like examining a rather thick section with a + microscope of small penetration; sometimes one level is clear and the rest + foggy and monstrous, and sometimes another. + </p> + <p> + “Now the ruling ME, I do not doubt, is the man who has set his face to + this research after aristocracy, and from the standpoint of this research + it is my duty to subordinate all other considerations to this work of + clearing up the conception of rule and nobility in human affairs. This is + my aristocratic self. What I did not grasp for a long time, and which now + grows clearer and clearer to me, is firstly that this aristocratic self is + not the whole of me, it has absolutely nothing to do with a pain in my ear + or in my heart, with a scar on my hand or my memory, and secondly that it + is not altogether mine. Whatever knowledge I have of the quality of + science, whatever will I have towards right, is of it; but if from + without, from the reasoning or demonstration or reproof of some one else, + there comes to me clear knowledge, clarified will, that also is as it were + a part of my aristocratic self coming home to me from the outside. How + often have I not found my own mind in Prothero after I have failed to find + it in myself? It is, to be paradoxical, my impersonal personality, this + Being that I have in common with all scientific-spirited and + aristocratic-spirited men. This it is that I am trying to get clear from + the great limitations of humanity. When I assert a truth for the sake of + truth to my own discomfort or injury, there again is this incompatibility + of the aristocratic self and the accepted, confused, conglomerate self of + the unanalyzed man. The two have a separate system of obligations. One's + affections, compounded as they are in the strangest way of physical + reactions and emotional associations, one's implicit pledges to particular + people, one's involuntary reactions, one's pride and jealousy, all that + one might call the dramatic side of one's life, may be in conflict with + the definitely seen rightnesses of one's higher use....” + </p> + <p> + The writing changed at this point. + </p> + <p> + “All this seems to me at once as old as the hills and too new to be true. + This is like the conflict of the Superior Man of Confucius to control + himself, it is like the Christian battle of the spirit with the flesh, it + savours of that eternal wrangle between the general and the particular + which is metaphysics, it was for this aristocratic self, for + righteousness' sake, that men have hungered and thirsted, and on this + point men have left father and mother and child and wife and followed + after salvation. This world-wide, ever-returning antagonism has filled the + world in every age with hermits and lamas, recluses and teachers, devoted + and segregated lives. It is a perpetual effort to get above the simplicity + of barbarism. Whenever men have emerged from the primitive barbarism of + the farm and the tribe, then straightway there has emerged this conception + of a specialized life a little lifted off the earth; often, for the sake + of freedom, celibate, usually disciplined, sometimes directed, having a + generalized aim, beyond personal successes and bodily desires. So it is + that the philosopher, the scientifically concentrated man, has appeared, + often, I admit, quite ridiculously at first, setting out upon the long + journey that will end only when the philosopher is king.... + </p> + <p> + “At first I called my Second Limitation, Sex. But from the outset I meant + more than mere sexual desire, lust and lustful imaginings, more than + personal reactions to beauty and spirited living, more even than what is + called love. On the one hand I had in mind many appetites that are not + sexual yet turn to bodily pleasure, and on the other there are elements of + pride arising out of sex and passing into other regions, all the elements + of rivalry for example, that have strained my first definition to the + utmost. And I see now that this Second Limitation as I first imagined it + spreads out without any definite boundary, to include one's rivalries with + old schoolfellows, for example, one's generosities to beggars and + dependents, one's desire to avenge an injured friend, one's point of + honour, one's regard for the good opinion of an aunt and one's concern for + the health of a pet cat. All these things may enrich, but they may also + impede and limit the aristocratic scheme. I thought for a time I would + call this ill-defined and miscellaneous wilderness of limitation the + Personal Life. But at last I have decided to divide this vast territory of + difficulties into two subdivisions and make one of these Indulgence, + meaning thereby pleasurable indulgence of sense or feeling, and the other + a great mass of self-regarding motives that will go with a little + stretching under the heading of Jealousy. I admit motives are continually + playing across the boundary of these two divisions, I should find it + difficult to argue a case for my classification, but in practice these two + groupings have a quite definite meaning for me. There is pride in the + latter group of impulses and not in the former; the former are always a + little apologetic. Fear, Indulgence, Jealousy, these are the First Three + Limitations of the soul of man. And the greatest of these is Jealousy, + because it can use pride. Over them the Life Aristocratic, as I conceive + it, marches to its end. It saves itself for the truth rather than + sacrifices itself romantically for a friend. It justifies vivisection if + thereby knowledge is won for ever. It upholds that Brutus who killed his + sons. It forbids devotion to women, courts of love and all such decay of + the chivalrous idea. And it resigns—so many things that no common + Man of Spirit will resign. Its intention transcends these things. Over all + the world it would maintain justice, order, a noble peace, and it would do + this without indignation, without resentment, without mawkish tenderness + or individualized enthusiasm or any queen of beauty. It is of a cold + austere quality, commanding sometimes admiration but having small hold + upon the affections of men. So that it is among its foremost distinctions + that its heart is steeled....” + </p> + <p> + There this odd fragment ended and White was left to resume the interrupted + autobiography. + </p> + <p> + 2 + </p> + <p> + What moods, what passions, what nights of despair and gathering storms of + anger, what sudden cruelties and amazing tendernesses are buried and + hidden and implied in every love story! What a waste is there of exquisite + things! So each spring sees a million glorious beginnings, a sunlit heaven + in every opening leaf, warm perfection in every stirring egg, hope and + fear and beauty beyond computation in every forest tree; and in the autumn + before the snows come they have all gone, of all that incalculable + abundance of life, of all that hope and adventure, excitement and + deliciousness, there is scarcely more to be found than a soiled twig, a + dirty seed, a dead leaf, black mould or a rotting feather.... + </p> + <p> + White held the ten or twelve pencilled pages that told how Benham and + Amanda drifted into antagonism and estrangement and as he held it he + thought of the laughter and delight they must have had together, the + exquisite excitements of her eye, the racing colour of her cheek, the + gleams of light upon her skin, the flashes of wit between them, the sense + of discovery, the high rare paths they had followed, the pools in which + they had swum together. And now it was all gone into nothingness, there + was nothing left of it, nothing at all, but just those sheets of + statement, and it may be, stored away in one single mind, like things + forgotten in an attic, a few neglected faded memories.... + </p> + <p> + And even those few sheets of statement were more than most love leaves + behind it. For a time White would not read them. They lay neglected on his + knee as he sat back in Benham's most comfortable chair and enjoyed an + entirely beautiful melancholy. + </p> + <p> + White too had seen and mourned the spring. + </p> + <p> + Indeed, poor dear! he had seen and mourned several springs.... + </p> + <p> + With a sigh he took up the manuscript and read Benham's desiccated story + of intellectual estrangement, and how in the end he had decided to leave + his wife and go out alone upon that journey of inquiry he had been + planning when first he met her. + </p> + <p> + 3 + </p> + <p> + Amanda had come back to England in a state of extravagantly vigorous + womanhood. Benham's illness, though it lasted only two or three weeks, + gave her a sense of power and leadership for which she had been struggling + instinctively ever since they came together. For a time at Locarno he was + lax-minded and indolent, and in that time she formed her bright and + limited plans for London. Benham had no plans as yet but only a sense of + divergence, as though he was being pulled in opposite directions by two + irresistible forces. To her it was plain that he needed occupation, some + distinguished occupation, and she could imagine nothing better for him + than a political career. She perceived he had personality, that he stood + out among men so that his very silences were effective. She loved him + immensely, and she had tremendous ambitions for him and through him. + </p> + <p> + And also London, the very thought of London, filled her with appetite. Her + soul thirsted for London. It was like some enormous juicy fruit waiting + for her pretty white teeth, a place almost large enough to give her + avidity the sense of enough. She felt it waiting for her, household, + servants, a carriage, shops and the jolly delight of buying and possessing + things, the opera, first-nights, picture exhibitions, great + dinner-parties, brilliant lunch parties, crowds seen from a point of + vantage, the carriage in a long string of fine carriages with the lamplit + multitude peering, Amanda in a thousand bright settings, in a thousand + various dresses. She had had love; it had been glorious, it was still + glorious, but her love-making became now at times almost perfunctory in + the contemplation of these approaching delights and splendours and + excitements. + </p> + <p> + She knew, indeed, that ideas were at work in Benham's head; but she was a + realist. She did not see why ideas should stand in the way of a career. + Ideas are a brightness, the good looks of the mind. One talks ideas, but + THE THING THAT IS, IS THE THING THAT IS. And though she believed that + Benham had a certain strength of character of his own, she had that sort + of confidence in his love for her and in the power of her endearments that + has in it the assurance of a faint contempt. She had mingled pride and + sense in the glorious realization of the power over him that her wit and + beauty gave her. She had held him faint with her divinity, intoxicated + with the pride of her complete possession, and she did not dream that the + moment when he should see clearly that she could deliberately use these + ultimate delights to rule and influence him, would be the end of their + splendour and her power. Her nature, which was just a nest of vigorous + appetites, was incapable of suspecting his gathering disillusionment until + it burst upon her. + </p> + <p> + Now with her attention set upon London ahead he could observe her. In the + beginning he had never seemed to be observing her at all, they dazzled one + another; it seemed extraordinary now to him to note how much he had been + able to disregard. There were countless times still when he would have + dropped his observation and resumed that mutual exaltation very gladly, + but always now other things possessed her mind.... + </p> + <p> + There was still an immense pleasure for him in her vigour; there was + something delightful in her pounce, even when she was pouncing on things + superficial, vulgar or destructive. She made him understand and share the + excitement of a big night at the opera, the glitter and prettiness of a + smart restaurant, the clustering little acute adventures of a great + reception of gay people, just as she had already made him understand and + sympathize with dogs. She picked up the art world where he had laid it + down, and she forced him to feel dense and slow before he rebelled against + her multitudinous enthusiasms and admirations. South Harting had had its + little group of artistic people; it is not one of your sleepy villages, + and she slipped back at once into the movement. Those were the great days + of John, the days before the Post Impressionist outbreak. John, Orpen, + Tonks, she bought them with vigour. Artistic circles began to revolve + about her. Very rapidly she was in possession.... And among other + desirable things she had, it seemed, pounced upon and captured Lady + Marayne. + </p> + <p> + At any rate it was clear that that awful hostile silence and aloofness was + to end. Benham never quite mastered how it was done. But Amanda had gone + in one morning to Desborough Street, very sweetly and chastely dressed, + had abased herself and announced a possible (though subsequently + disproved) grandchild. And she had appreciated the little lady so highly + and openly, she had so instantly caught and reproduced her tone, that her + success, though only temporary in its completeness, was immediate. In the + afternoon Benham was amazed by the apparition of his mother amidst the + scattered unsettled furnishings of the new home Amanda had chosen in + Lancaster Gate. He was in the hall, the door stood open awaiting + packing-cases from a van without. In the open doorway she shone, looking + the smallest of dainty things. There was no effect of her coming but only + of her having arrived there, as a little blue butterfly will suddenly + alight on a flower. + </p> + <p> + “Well, Poff!” said Lady Marayne, ignoring abysses, “What are you up to + now, Poff? Come and embrace me....” + </p> + <p> + “No, not so,” she said, “stiffest of sons....” + </p> + <p> + She laid hold of his ears in the old fashion and kissed one eye. + </p> + <p> + “Congratulations, dear little Poff. Oh! congratulations! In heaps. I'm so + GLAD.” + </p> + <p> + Now what was that for? + </p> + <p> + And then Amanda came out upon the landing upstairs, saw the encounter with + an involuntary cry of joy, and came downstairs with arms wide open. It was + the first intimation he had of their previous meeting. He was for some + minutes a stunned, entirely inadequate Benham.... + </p> + <p> + 4 + </p> + <p> + At first Amanda knew nobody in London, except a few people in the + Hampstead Garden suburb that she had not the slightest wish to know, and + then very quickly she seemed to know quite a lot of people. The artistic + circle brought in people, Lady Marayne brought in people; they spread. It + was manifest the Benhams were a very bright young couple; he would + certainly do something considerable presently, and she was bright and + daring, jolly to look at and excellent fun, and, when you came to talk to + her, astonishingly well informed. They passed from one hostess's hand to + another: they reciprocated. The Clynes people and the Rushtones took her + up; Mr. Evesham was amused by her, Lady Beach Mandarin proclaimed her + charm like a trumpet, the Young Liberal people made jealous advances, Lord + Moggeridge found she listened well, she lit one of the brightest weekend + parties Lady Marayne had ever gathered at Chexington. And her descriptions + of recent danger and adventure in Albania not only entertained her hearers + but gave her just that flavour of personal courage which completes the + fascination of a young woman. People in the gaps of a halting dinner-table + conversation would ask: “Have you met Mrs. Benham?” + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile Benham appeared to be talking. A smiling and successful young + woman, who a year ago had been nothing more than a leggy girl with a good + lot of miscellaneous reading in her head, and vaguely engaged, or at least + friendly to the pitch of engagement, to Mr. Rathbone-Sanders, may be + forgiven if in the full tide of her success she does not altogether grasp + the intention of her husband's discourse. It seemed to her that he was + obsessed by a responsibility for civilization and the idea that he was + aristocratic. (Secretly she was inclined to doubt whether he was justified + in calling himself aristocratic; at the best his mother was county-stuff; + but still if he did there was no great harm in it nowadays.) Clearly his + line was Tory-Democracy, social reform through the House of Lords and + friendly intimacy with the more spirited young peers. And it was only very + slowly and reluctantly that she was forced to abandon this satisfactory + solution of his problem. She reproduced all the equipment and comforts of + his Finacue Street study in their new home, she declared constantly that + she would rather forego any old social thing than interfere with his work, + she never made him go anywhere with her without first asking if his work + permitted it. To relieve him of the burthen of such social attentions she + even made a fag or so. The making of fags out of manifestly stricken men, + the keeping of tamed and hopeless admirers, seemed to her to be the most + natural and reasonable of feminine privileges. They did their useful + little services until it pleased the Lord Cheetah to come to his own. That + was how she put it.... + </p> + <p> + But at last he was talking to her in tones that could no longer be + ignored. He was manifestly losing his temper with her. There was a novel + austerity in his voice and a peculiar whiteness about his face on certain + occasions that lingered in her memory. + </p> + <p> + He was indeed making elaborate explanations. He said that what he wanted + to do was to understand “the collective life of the world,” and that this + was not to be done in a West-End study. He had an extraordinary contempt, + it seemed, for both sides in the drama of British politics. He had + extravagant ideas of beginning in some much more fundamental way. He + wanted to understand this “collective life of the world,” because + ultimately he wanted to help control it. (Was there ever such nonsense?) + The practical side of this was serious enough, however; he was back at his + old idea of going round the earth. Later on that might be rather a jolly + thing to do, but not until they had struck root a little more surely in + London. + </p> + <p> + And then with amazement, with incredulity, with indignation, she began to + realize that he was proposing to go off by himself upon this vague + extravagant research, that all this work she had been doing to make a + social place for him in London was as nothing to him, that he was thinking + of himself as separable from her.... + </p> + <p> + “But, Cheetah! How can you leave your spotless leopard? You would howl in + the lonely jungle!” + </p> + <p> + “Possibly I shall. But I am going.” + </p> + <p> + “Then I shall come.” + </p> + <p> + “No.” He considered her reasons. “You see you are not interested.” + </p> + <p> + “But I am.” + </p> + <p> + “Not as I am. You would turn it all into a jolly holiday. You don't want + to see things as I want to do. You want romance. All the world is a show + for you. As a show I can't endure it. I want to lay hands on it.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Cheetah!” she said, “this is separation.” + </p> + <p> + “You will have your life here. And I shall come back.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Cheetah! How can we be separated?” + </p> + <p> + “We are separated,” he said. + </p> + <p> + Her eyes became round with astonishment. Then her face puckered. + </p> + <p> + “Cheetah!” she cried in a voice of soft distress, “I love you. What do you + mean?” + </p> + <p> + And she staggered forward, tear-blinded, and felt for his neck and + shoulders, so that she might weep in his arms.... + </p> + <p> + 5 + </p> + <p> + “Don't say we are separated,” she whispered, putting her still wet face + close to his. + </p> + <p> + “No. We're mates,” he answered softly, with his arm about her. + </p> + <p> + “How could we ever keep away from each uvver?” she whispered. + </p> + <p> + He was silent. + </p> + <p> + “How COULD we?” + </p> + <p> + He answered aloud. “Amanda,” he said, “I mean to go round the world.” + </p> + <p> + She disentangled herself from his arm and sat up beside him. + </p> + <p> + “What is to become of me,” she asked suddenly in a voice of despair, + “while you go round the world? If you desert me in London,” she said, “if + you shame me by deserting me in London— If you leave me, I will + never forgive you, Cheetah! Never.” Then in an almost breathless voice, + and as if she spoke to herself, “Never in all my days.” + </p> + <p> + 6 + </p> + <p> + It was after that that Amanda began to talk about children. There was + nothing involuntary about Amanda. “Soon,” she said, “we must begin to + think of children. Not just now, but a little later. It's good to travel + and have our fun, but life is unreal until there are children in the + background. No woman is really content until she is a mother....” And for + nearly a fortnight nothing more was said about that solitary journey round + the world. + </p> + <p> + But children were not the only new topic in Amanda's talk. She set herself + with an ingenious subtlety to remind her husband that there were other men + in the world. The convenient fags, sometimes a little embarrassed, found + their inobtrusive services being brought into the light before Benham's + eyes. Most of them were much older men than himself, elderly philanderers + of whom it seemed to him no sane man need be jealous, men often of forty + or more, but one was a contemporary, Sir Philip Easton, a man with a touch + of Spanish blood and a suggestion of Spanish fire, who quite manifestly + was very much in love with Amanda and of whom she spoke with a slight + perceptible difference of manner that made Benham faintly uneasy. He was + ashamed of the feeling. Easton it seemed was a man of a peculiarly fine + honour, so that Amanda could trust herself with him to an extent that + would have been inadvisable with men of a commoner substance, and he had a + gift of understanding and sympathy that was almost feminine; he could + cheer one up when one was lonely and despondent. For Amanda was so + methodical in the arrangement of her time that even in the full rush of a + London season she could find an hour now and then for being lonely and + despondent. And he was a liberal and understanding purchaser of the + ascendant painters; he understood that side of Amanda's interests, a side + upon which Benham was notably deficient.... + </p> + <p> + “Amanda seems to like that dark boy, Poff; what is his name?—Sir + Philip Easton?” said Lady Marayne. + </p> + <p> + Benham looked at her with a slightly hostile intelligence, and said + nothing. + </p> + <p> + “When a man takes a wife, he has to keep her,” said Lady Marayne. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Benham after consideration. “I don't intend to be a wife-herd.” + </p> + <p> + “What?” + </p> + <p> + “Wife-herd—same as goat-herd.” + </p> + <p> + “Coarse, you are sometimes, Poff—nowadays.” + </p> + <p> + “It's exactly what I mean. I can understand the kind of curator's interest + an Oriental finds in shepherding a large establishment, but to spend my + days looking after one person who ought to be able to look after herself—” + </p> + <p> + “She's very young.” + </p> + <p> + “She's quite grown up. Anyhow I'm not a moral nursemaid.” + </p> + <p> + “If you leave her about and go abroad—” + </p> + <p> + “Has she been talking to you, mother?” + </p> + <p> + “The thing shows.” + </p> + <p> + “But about my going abroad?” + </p> + <p> + “She said something, my little Poff.” + </p> + <p> + Lady Marayne suddenly perceived that beneath Benham's indifference was + something strung very tight, as though he had been thinking inordinately. + He weighed his words before he spoke again. “If Amanda chooses to threaten + me with a sort of conditional infidelity, I don't see that it ought to + change the plans I have made for my life....” + </p> + <p> + 7 + </p> + <p> + “No aristocrat has any right to be jealous,” Benham wrote. “If he chances + to be mated with a woman who does not see his vision or naturally go his + way, he has no right to expect her, much less to compel her to go his way. + What is the use of dragging an unwilling companion through morasses of + uncongenial thought to unsought ends? What is the use of dragging even a + willing pretender, who has no inherent will to seek and live the + aristocratic life? + </p> + <p> + “But that does not excuse him from obedience to his own call....” + </p> + <p> + He wrote that very early in his examination of the Third Limitation. + Already he had thought out and judged Amanda. The very charm of her, the + sweetness, the nearness and magic of her, was making him more grimly + resolute to break away. All the elaborate process of thinking her over had + gone on behind the mask of his silences while she had been preoccupied + with her housing and establishment in London; it was with a sense of + extraordinary injustice, of having had a march stolen upon her, of being + unfairly trapped, that Amanda found herself faced by foregone conclusions. + He was ready now even with the details of his project. She should go on + with her life in London exactly as she had planned it. He would take + fifteen hundred a year for himself and all the rest she might spend + without check or stint as it pleased her. He was going round the world for + one or two years. It was even possible he would not go alone. There was a + man at Cambridge he might persuade to come with him, a don called Prothero + who was peculiarly useful in helping him to hammer out his ideas.... + </p> + <p> + To her it became commandingly necessary that none of these things should + happen. + </p> + <p> + She tried to play upon his jealousy, but her quick instinct speedily told + her that this only hardened his heart. She perceived that she must make a + softer appeal. Now of a set intention she began to revive and imitate the + spontaneous passion of the honeymoon; she perceived for the first time + clearly how wise and righteous a thing it is for a woman to bear a child. + “He cannot go if I am going to have a child,” she told herself. But that + would mean illness, and for illness in herself or others Amanda had the + intense disgust natural to her youth. Yet even illness would be better + than this intolerable publication of her husband's ability to leave her + side.... + </p> + <p> + She had a wonderful facility of enthusiasm and she set herself forthwith + to cultivate a philoprogenitive ambition, to communicate it to him. Her + dread of illness disappeared; her desire for offspring grew. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” he said, “I want to have children, but I must go round the world + none the less.” + </p> + <p> + She argued with all the concentrated subtlety of her fine keen mind. She + argued with persistence and repetition. And then suddenly so that she was + astonished at herself, there came a moment when she ceased to argue. + </p> + <p> + She stood in the dusk in a window that looked out upon the park, and she + was now so intent upon her purpose as to be still and self-forgetful; she + was dressed in a dinner-dress of white and pale green, that set off her + slim erect body and the strong clear lines of her neck and shoulders very + beautifully, some greenish stones caught a light from without and flashed + soft whispering gleams from amidst the misty darkness of her hair. She was + going to Lady Marayne and the opera, and he was bound for a dinner at the + House with some young Liberals at which he was to meet two representative + Indians with a grievance from Bengal. Husband and wife had but a few + moments together. She asked about his company and he told her. + </p> + <p> + “They will tell you about India.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + She stood for a moment looking out across the lights and the dark green + trees, and then she turned to him. + </p> + <p> + “Why cannot I come with you?” she asked with sudden passion. “Why cannot I + see the things you want to see?” + </p> + <p> + “I tell you you are not interested. You would only be interested through + me. That would not help me. I should just be dealing out my premature + ideas to you. If you cared as I care, if you wanted to know as I want to + know, it would be different. But you don't. It isn't your fault that you + don't. It happens so. And there is no good in forced interest, in + prescribed discovery.” + </p> + <p> + “Cheetah,” she asked, “what is it that you want to know—that I don't + care for?” + </p> + <p> + “I want to know about the world. I want to rule the world.” + </p> + <p> + “So do I.” + </p> + <p> + “No, you want to have the world.” + </p> + <p> + “Isn't it the same?” + </p> + <p> + “No. You're a greedier thing than I am, you Black Leopard you—standing + there in the dusk. You're a stronger thing. Don't you know you're + stronger? When I am with you, you carry your point, because you are more + concentrated, more definite, less scrupulous. When you run beside me you + push me out of my path.... You've made me afraid of you.... And so I won't + go with you, Leopard. I go alone. It isn't because I don't love you. I + love you too well. It isn't because you aren't beautiful and + wonderful....” + </p> + <p> + “But, Cheetah! nevertheless you care more for this that you want than you + care for me.” + </p> + <p> + Benham thought of it. “I suppose I do,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “What is it that you want? Still I don't understand.” + </p> + <p> + Her voice had the break of one who would keep reasonable in spite of pain. + </p> + <p> + “I ought to tell you.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, you ought to tell me.” + </p> + <p> + “I wonder if I can tell you,” he said very thoughtfully, and rested his + hands on his hips. “I shall seem ridiculous to you.” + </p> + <p> + “You ought to tell me.” + </p> + <p> + “I think what I want is to be king of the world.” + </p> + <p> + She stood quite still staring at him. + </p> + <p> + “I do not know how I can tell you of it. Amanda, do you remember those + bodies—you saw those bodies—those mutilated men?” + </p> + <p> + “I saw them,” said Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “Well. Is it nothing to you that those things happen?” + </p> + <p> + “They must happen.” + </p> + <p> + “No. They happen because there are no kings but pitiful kings. They happen + because the kings love their Amandas and do not care.” + </p> + <p> + “But what can YOU do, Cheetah?” + </p> + <p> + “Very little. But I can give my life and all my strength. I can give all I + can give.” + </p> + <p> + “But how? How can you help it—help things like that massacre?” + </p> + <p> + “I can do my utmost to find out what is wrong with my world and rule it + and set it right.” + </p> + <p> + “YOU! Alone.” + </p> + <p> + “Other men do as much. Every one who does so helps others to do so. You + see—... In this world one may wake in the night and one may resolve + to be a king, and directly one has resolved one is a king. Does that sound + foolishness to you? Anyhow, it's fair that I should tell you, though you + count me a fool. This—this kingship—this dream of the night—is + my life. It is the very core of me. Much more than you are. More than + anything else can be. I mean to be a king in this earth. KING. I'm not + mad.... I see the world staggering from misery to misery and there is + little wisdom, less rule, folly, prejudice, limitation, the good things + come by chance and the evil things recover and slay them, and it is my + world and I am responsible. Every man to whom this light has come is + responsible. As soon as this light comes to you, as soon as your kingship + is plain to you, there is no more rest, no peace, no delight, except in + work, in service, in utmost effort. As far as I can do it I will rule my + world. I cannot abide in this smug city, I cannot endure its + self-complacency, its routine, its gloss of success, its rottenness.... I + shall do little, perhaps I shall do nothing, but what I can understand and + what I can do I will do. Think of that wild beautiful country we saw, and + the mean misery, the filth and the warring cruelty of the life that lives + there, tragedy, tragedy without dignity; and think, too, of the limitless + ugliness here, and of Russia slipping from disorder to massacre, and + China, that sea of human beings, sliding steadily to disaster. Do you + think these are only things in the newspapers? To me at any rate they are + not things in newspapers; they are pain and failure, they are torment, + they are blood and dust and misery. They haunt me day and night. Even if + it is utterly absurd I will still do my utmost. It IS absurd. I'm a madman + and you and my mother are sensible people.... And I will go my way.... I + don't care for the absurdity. I don't care a rap.” + </p> + <p> + He stopped abruptly. + </p> + <p> + “There you have it, Amanda. It's rant, perhaps. Sometimes I feel it's + rant. And yet it's the breath of life to me.... There you are.... At last + I've been able to break silence and tell you....” + </p> + <p> + He stopped with something like a sob and stood regarding the dusky mystery + of her face. She stood quite still, she was just a beautiful outline in + the twilight, her face was an indistinctness under the black shadow of her + hair, with eyes that were two patches of darkness. + </p> + <p> + He looked at his watch, lifting it close to his face to see the time. His + voice changed. “Well—if you provoke a man enough, you see he makes + speeches. Let it be a lesson to you, Amanda. Here we are talking instead + of going to our dinners. The car has been waiting ten minutes.” + </p> + <p> + Amanda, so still, was the most disconcerting of all Amandas.... + </p> + <p> + A strange exaltation seized upon her very suddenly. In an instant she had + ceased to plot against him. A vast wave of emotion swept her forward to a + resolution that astonished her. + </p> + <p> + “Cheetah!” she said, and the very quality of her voice had changed, “give + me one thing. Stay until June with me.” + </p> + <p> + “Why?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + Her answer came in a voice so low that it was almost a whisper. + </p> + <p> + “Because—now—no, I don't want to keep you any more—I am + not trying to hold you any more.... I want....” + </p> + <p> + She came forward to him and looked up closely at his face. + </p> + <p> + “Cheetah,” she whispered almost inaudibly, “Cheetah—I didn't + understand. But now—. I want to bear your child.” + </p> + <p> + He was astonished. “Old Leopard!” he said. + </p> + <p> + “No,” she answered, putting her hands upon his shoulders and drawing very + close to him, “Queen—-if I can be—to your King.” + </p> + <p> + “You want to bear me a child!” he whispered, profoundly moved. + </p> + <p> + 8 + </p> + <p> + The Hindu agitators at the cavernous dinner under the House of Commons + came to the conclusion that Benham was a dreamer. And over against Amanda + at her dinner-party sat Sir Sidney Umber, one of those men who know that + their judgments are quoted. + </p> + <p> + “Who is the beautiful young woman who is seeing visions?” he asked of his + neighbour in confidential undertones.... + </p> + <p> + He tittered. “I think, you know, she ought to seem just SLIGHTLY aware + that the man to her left is talking to her....” + </p> + <p> + 9 + </p> + <p> + A few days later Benham went down to Cambridge, where Prothero was now a + fellow of Trinity and Brissenden Trust Lecturer.... + </p> + <p> + All through Benham's writing there was manifest a persuasion that in some + way Prothero was necessary to his mind. It was as if he looked to Prothero + to keep him real. He suspected even while he obeyed that upward flourish + which was his own essential characteristic. He had a peculiar feeling that + somehow that upward bias would betray him; that from exaltation he might + presently float off, into the higher, the better, and so to complete + unreality. He fled from priggishness and the terror of such sublimity + alike to Prothero. Moreover, in relation to so many things Prothero in a + peculiar distinctive manner SAW. He had less self-control than Benham, + less integrity of purpose, less concentration, and things that were before + his eyes were by the very virtue of these defects invariably visible to + him. Things were able to insist upon themselves with him. Benham, on the + other hand, when facts contradicted his purpose too stoutly, had a way of + becoming blind to them. He repudiated inconvenient facts. He mastered and + made his world; Prothero accepted and recorded his. Benham was a will + towards the universe where Prothero was a perception and Amanda a + confusing responsive activity. And it was because of his realization of + this profound difference between them that he was possessed by the idea of + taking Prothero with him about the world, as a detachable kind of vision—rather + like that eye the Graiae used to hand one another.... + </p> + <p> + After the busy sunlit streets of Maytime Cambridge, Prothero's rooms in + Trinity, their windows full of Gothic perspectives and light-soaked blue + sky, seemed cool and quiet. A flavour of scholarship pervaded them—a + little blended with the flavour of innumerable breakfasts nearly but not + completely forgotten. Prothero's door had been locked against the world, + and he had appeared after a slight delay looking a little puffy and only + apprehending who his visitor was after a resentful stare for the better + part of a second. He might have been asleep, he might have been doing + anything but the examination papers he appeared to be doing. The two men + exchanged personal details; they had not met since some months before + Benham' s marriage, and the visitor's eye went meanwhile from his host to + the room and back to his host's face as though they were all aspects of + the thing he was after, the Prothero humour, the earthly touch, the + distinctive Prothero flavour. Then his eye was caught by a large red, + incongruous, meretricious-looking volume upon the couch that had an air of + having been flung aside, VENUS IN GEM AND MARBLE, its cover proclaimed.... + </p> + <p> + His host followed that glance and blushed. “They send me all sorts of + inappropriate stuff to review,” he remarked. + </p> + <p> + And then he was denouncing celibacy. + </p> + <p> + The transition wasn't very clear to Benham. His mind had been preoccupied + by the problem of how to open his own large project. Meanwhile Prothero + got, as it were, the conversational bit between his teeth and bolted. He + began to say the most shocking things right away, so that Benham's + attention was caught in spite of himself. + </p> + <p> + “Inflammatory classics.” + </p> + <p> + “What's that?” + </p> + <p> + “Celibacy, my dear Benham, is maddening me,” said Prothero. “I can't stand + it any longer.” + </p> + <p> + It seemed to Benham that somewhere, very far away, in another world, such + a statement might have been credible. Even in his own life,—it was + now indeed a remote, forgotten stage—there had been something + distantly akin.... + </p> + <p> + “You're going to marry?” + </p> + <p> + “I must.” + </p> + <p> + “Who's the lady, Billy?” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know. Venus.” + </p> + <p> + His little red-brown eye met his friend's defiantly. “So far as I know, it + is Venus Anadyomene.” A flash of laughter passed across his face and left + it still angrier, still more indecorously defiant. “I like her best, + anyhow. I do, indeed. But, Lord! I feel that almost any of them—” + </p> + <p> + “Tut, tut!” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + Prothero flushed deeply but stuck to his discourse. + </p> + <p> + “Wasn't it always your principle, Benham, to look facts in the face? I am + not pronouncing an immoral principle. Your manner suggests I am. I am + telling you exactly how I feel. That is how I feel. I want—Venus. I + don't want her to talk to or anything of that sort.... I have been + studying that book, yes, that large, vulgar, red book, all the morning, + instead of doing any work. Would you like to see it?... NO!... + </p> + <p> + “This spring, Benham, I tell you, is driving me mad. It is a peculiarly + erotic spring. I cannot sleep, I cannot fix my mind, I cannot attend to + ordinary conversation. These feelings, I understand, are by no means + peculiar to myself.... No, don't interrupt me, Benham; let me talk now + that the spirit of speech is upon me. When you came in you said, 'How are + you?' I am telling you how I am. You brought it on yourself. Well—I + am—inflamed. I have no strong moral or religious convictions to + assist me either to endure or deny this—this urgency. And so why + should I deny it? It's one of our chief problems here. The majority of my + fellow dons who look at me with secretive faces in hall and court and + combination-room are in just the same case as myself. The fever in oneself + detects the fever in others. I know their hidden thoughts. Their fishy + eyes defy me to challenge their hidden thoughts. Each covers his miserable + secret under the cloak of a wholesome manly indifference. A tattered + cloak.... Each tries to hide his abandonment to this horrible vice of + continence—” + </p> + <p> + “Billy, what's the matter with you?” + </p> + <p> + Prothero grimaced impatience. “Shall I NEVER teach you not to be a humbug, + Benham?” he screamed, and in screaming became calmer. “Nature taunts me, + maddens me. My life is becoming a hell of shame. 'Get out from all these + books,' says Nature, 'and serve the Flesh.' The Flesh, Benham. Yes—I + insist—the Flesh. Do I look like a pure spirit? Is any man a pure + spirit? And here am I at Cambridge like a lark in a cage, with too much + port and no Aspasia. Not that I should have liked Aspasia.” + </p> + <p> + “Mutual, perhaps, Billy.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! you can sneer!” + </p> + <p> + “Well, clearly—Saint Paul is my authority—it's marriage, + Billy.” + </p> + <p> + Prothero had walked to the window. He turned round. + </p> + <p> + “I CAN'T marry,” he said. “The trouble has gone too far. I've lost my + nerve in the presence of women. I don't like them any more. They come at + one—done up in a lot of ridiculous clothes, and chattering about all + sorts of things that don't matter....” He surveyed his friend's thoughtful + attitude. “I'm getting to hate women, Benham. I'm beginning now to + understand the bitterness of spinsters against men. I'm beginning to grasp + the unkindliness of priests. The perpetual denial. To you, happily + married, a woman is just a human being. You can talk to her, like her, you + can even admire her calmly; you've got, you see, no grudge against + her....” + </p> + <p> + He sat down abruptly. + </p> + <p> + Benham, upon the hearthrug before the empty fireplace, considered him. + </p> + <p> + “Billy! this is delusion,” he said. “What's come over you?” + </p> + <p> + “I'm telling you,” said Prothero. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + Prothero awaited some further utterance. + </p> + <p> + “I'm looking for the cause of it. It's feeding, Billy. It's port and + stimulants where there is no scope for action. It's idleness. I begin to + see now how much fatter you are, how much coarser.” + </p> + <p> + “Idleness! Look at this pile of examination answers. Look at that filing + system like an arsenal of wisdom. Useless wisdom, I admit, but anyhow not + idleness.” + </p> + <p> + “There's still bodily idleness. No. That's your trouble. You're stuffy. + You've enlarged your liver. You sit in this room of a warm morning after + an extravagant breakfast—. And peep and covet.” + </p> + <p> + “Just eggs and bacon!” + </p> + <p> + “Think of it! Coffee and toast it ought to be. Come out of it, Billy, and + get aired.” + </p> + <p> + “How can one?” + </p> + <p> + “Easily. Come out of it now. Come for a walk, you Pig!” + </p> + <p> + “It's an infernally warm morning. + </p> + <p> + “Walk with me to Grantchester.” + </p> + <p> + “We might go by boat. You could row.” + </p> + <p> + “WALK.” + </p> + <p> + “I ought to do these papers.” + </p> + <p> + “You weren't doing them.” + </p> + <p> + “No....” + </p> + <p> + “Walk with me to Grantchester. All this affliction of yours is—horrid—and + just nothing at all. Come out of it! I want you to come with me to Russia + and about the world. I'm going to leave my wife—” + </p> + <p> + “Leave your wife!” + </p> + <p> + “Why not? And I came here hoping to find you clear-headed, and instead you + are in this disgusting state. I've never met anything in my life so hot + and red and shiny and shameless. Come out of it, man! How can one talk to + you?” + </p> + <p> + 10 + </p> + <p> + “You pull things down to your own level,” said Benham as they went through + the heat to Grantchester. + </p> + <p> + “I pull them down to truth,” panted Prothero. + </p> + <p> + “Truth! As though being full of gross appetites was truth, and discipline + and training some sort of falsity!” + </p> + <p> + “Artificiality. And begetting pride, Benham, begetting a prig's pride.” + </p> + <p> + For a time there was more than the heat of the day between them.... + </p> + <p> + The things that Benham had come down to discuss were thrust into the + background by the impassioned materialism of Prothero. + </p> + <p> + “I'm not talking of Love,” he said, remaining persistently outrageous. + “I'm talking of physical needs. That first. What is the good of arranging + systems of morality and sentiment before you know what is physically + possible.... + </p> + <p> + “But how can one disentangle physical and moral necessities?” + </p> + <p> + “Then why don't we up and find out?” said Billy. + </p> + <p> + He had no patience with the secrecy, the ignorance, the emotion that + surrounded these questions. We didn't worship our ancestors when it came + to building bridges or working metals or curing disease or studying our + indigestion, and why should we become breathless or wordless with awe and + terror when it came to this fundamental affair? Why here in particular + should we give way to Holy Fear and stifled submission to traditional + suppressions and the wisdom of the ages? “What is the wisdom of the ages?” + said Prothero. “Think of the corners where that wisdom was born.... + Flea-bitten sages in stone-age hovels.... Wandering wise man with a + rolling eye, a fakir under a tree, a Jewish sheik, an Arab epileptic....” + </p> + <p> + “Would you sweep away the experience of mankind?” protested Benham. + </p> + <p> + The experience of mankind in these matters had always been bitter + experience. Most of it was better forgotten. It didn't convince. It had + never worked things out. In this matter just as in every other matter that + really signified things had still to be worked out. Nothing had been + worked out hitherto. The wisdom of the ages was a Cant. People had been + too busy quarrelling, fighting and running away. There wasn't any digested + experience of the ages at all. Only the mis-remembered hankey-pankey of + the Dead Old Man. + </p> + <p> + “Is this love-making a physical necessity for most men and women or isn't + it?” Prothero demanded. “There's a simple question enough, and is there + anything whatever in your confounded wisdom of the ages to tell me yes or + no? Can an ordinary celibate be as healthy and vigorous as a mated man? Is + a spinster of thirty-eight a healthy human being? Can she be? I don't + believe so. Then why in thunder do we let her be? Here am I at a centre of + learning and wisdom and I don't believe so; and there is nothing in all + our colleges, libraries and roomsfull of wiseacres here, to settle that + plain question for me, plainly and finally. My life is a grubby torment of + cravings because it isn't settled. If sexual activity IS a part of the + balance of life, if it IS a necessity, well let's set about making it + accessible and harmless and have done with it. Swedish exercises. That + sort of thing. If it isn't, if it can be reduced and done without, then + let us set about teaching people HOW to control themselves and reduce and + get rid of this vehement passion. But all this muffled mystery, this + pompous sneak's way we take with it!” + </p> + <p> + “But, Billy! How can one settle these things? It's a matter of + idiosyncrasy. What is true for one man isn't true for another. There's + infinite difference of temperaments!” + </p> + <p> + “Then why haven't we a classification of temperaments and a moral code for + each sort? Why am I ruled by the way of life that is convenient for Rigdon + the vegetarian and fits Bowler the saint like a glove? It isn't convenient + for me. It fits me like a hair-shirt. Of course there are temperaments, + but why can't we formulate them and exercise the elementary charity of + recognizing that one man's health in these matters is another man's death? + Some want love and gratification and some don't. There are people who want + children and people who don't want to be bothered by children but who are + full of vivid desires. There are people whose only happiness is chastity, + and women who would rather be courtesans than mothers. Some of us would + concentrate upon a single passion or a single idea; others overflow with a + miscellaneous—tenderness. Yes,—and you smile! Why spit upon + and insult a miscellaneous tenderness, Benham? Why grin at it? Why try + every one by the standards that suit oneself? We're savages, Benham, + shamefaced savages, still. Shamefaced and persecuting. + </p> + <p> + “I was angry about sex by seventeen,” he went on. “Every year I live I + grow angrier.” + </p> + <p> + His voice rose to a squeal of indignation as he talked. + </p> + <p> + “Think,” he said, “of the amount of thinking and feeling about sex that is + going on in Cambridge this morning. The hundreds out of these thousands + full of it. A vast tank of cerebration. And we put none of it together; we + work nothing out from that but poor little couplings and casual stories, + patchings up of situations, misbehaviours, blunders, disease, trouble, + escapes; and the next generation will start, and the next generation after + that will start with nothing but your wisdom of the ages, which isn't + wisdom at all, which is just awe and funk, taboos and mystery and the + secretive cunning of the savage.... + </p> + <p> + “What I really want to do is my work,” said Prothero, going off quite + unexpectedly again. “That is why all this business, this incessant craving + and the shame of it and all makes me so infernally angry....” + </p> + <p> + 11 + </p> + <p> + “There I'm with you,” cried Benham, struggling out of the thick torrent of + Prothero's prepossessions. “What we want to do is our work.” + </p> + <p> + He clung to his idea. He raised his voice to prevent Prothero getting the + word again. + </p> + <p> + “It's this, that you call Work, that I call—what do I call it?—living + the aristocratic life, which takes all the coarse simplicity out of this + business. If it was only submission.... YOU think it is only submission—giving + way.... It isn't only submission. We'd manage sex all right, we'd be the + happy swine our senses would make us, if we didn't know all the time that + there was something else to live for, something far more important. And + different. Absolutely different and contradictory. So different that it + cuts right across all these considerations. It won't fit in.... I don't + know what this other thing is; it's what I want to talk about with you. + But I know that it IS, in all my bones.... YOU know.... It demands + control, it demands continence, it insists upon disregard.” + </p> + <p> + But the ideas of continence and disregard were unpleasant ideas to + Prothero that day. + </p> + <p> + “Mankind,” said Benham, “is overcharged with this sex. It suffocates us. + It gives life only to consume it. We struggle out of the urgent + necessities of a mere animal existence. We are not so much living as being + married and given in marriage. All life is swamped in the love story....” + </p> + <p> + “Man is only overcharged because he is unsatisfied,” said Prothero, + sticking stoutly to his own view. + </p> + <p> + 12 + </p> + <p> + It was only as they sat at a little table in the orchard at Grantchester + after their lunch that Benham could make head against Prothero and recover + that largeness of outlook which had so easily touched the imagination of + Amanda. And then he did not so much dispose of Prothero's troubles as soar + over them. It is the last triumph of the human understanding to sympathize + with desires we do not share, and to Benham who now believed himself to be + loved beyond the chances of life, who was satisfied and tranquil and + austerely content, it was impossible that Prothero's demands should seem + anything more than the grotesque and squalid squealings of the beast that + has to be overridden and rejected altogether. It is a freakish fact of our + composition that these most intense feelings in life are just those that + are most rapidly and completely forgotten; hate one may recall for years, + but the magic of love and the flame of desire serve their purpose in our + lives and vanish, leaving no trace, like the snows of Venice. Benham was + still not a year and a half from the meretricious delights of Mrs. + Skelmersdale, and he looked at Prothero as a marble angel might look at a + swine in its sty.... + </p> + <p> + What he had now in mind was an expedition to Russia. When at last he could + sufficiently release Prothero's attention, he unfolded the project that + had been developing steadily in him since his honeymoon experience. + </p> + <p> + He had discovered a new reason for travelling. The last country we can see + clearly, he had discovered, is our own country. It is as hard to see one's + own country as it is to see the back of one's head. It is too much behind + us, too much ourselves. But Russia is like England with everything larger, + more vivid, cruder; one felt that directly one walked about St. + Petersburg. St. Petersburg upon its Neva was like a savage untamed London + on a larger Thames; they were seagull-haunted tidal cities, like no other + capitals in Europe. The shipping and buildings mingled in their effects. + Like London it looked over the heads of its own people to a limitless + polyglot empire. And Russia was an aristocratic land, with a middle-class + that had no pride in itself as a class; it had a British toughness and + incompetence, a British disregard of logic and meticulous care. Russia, + like England, was outside Catholic Christendom, it had a state church and + the opposition to that church was not secularism but dissent. One could + draw a score of such contrasted parallels. And now it was in a state of + intolerable stress, that laid bare the elemental facts of a great social + organization. It was having its South African war, its war at the other + end of the earth, with a certain defeat instead of a dubious victory.... + </p> + <p> + “There is far more freedom for the personal life in Russia than in + England,” said Prothero, a little irrelevantly. + </p> + <p> + Benham went on with his discourse about Russia.... + </p> + <p> + “At the college of Troitzka,” said Prothero, “which I understand is a kind + of monster Trinity unencumbered by a University, Binns tells me that + although there is a profession of celibacy within the walls, the + arrangements of the town and more particularly of the various hotels are + conceived in a spirit of extreme liberality.” + </p> + <p> + Benham hardly attended at all to these interruptions. + </p> + <p> + He went on to point out the elemental quality of the Russian situation. He + led up to the assertion that to go to Russia, to see Russia, to try to + grasp the broad outline of the Russian process, was the manifest duty of + every responsible intelligence that was free to do as much. And so he was + going, and if Prothero cared to come too— + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Prothero, “I should like to go to Russia.” + </p> + <p> + 13 + </p> + <p> + But throughout all their travel together that summer Benham was never able + to lift Prothero away from his obsession. It was the substance of their + talk as the Holland boat stood out past waiting destroyers and winking + beacons and the lights of Harwich, into the smoothly undulating darkness + of the North Sea; it rose upon them again as they sat over the cakes and + cheese of a Dutch breakfast in the express for Berlin. Prothero filled the + Sieges Allee with his complaints against nature and society, and + distracted Benham in his contemplation of Polish agriculture from the + windows of the train with turgid sexual liberalism. So that Benham, during + this period until Prothero left him and until the tragic enormous + spectacle of Russia in revolution took complete possession of him, was as + it were thinking upon two floors. Upon the one he was thinking of the vast + problems of a society of a hundred million people staggering on the verge + of anarchy, and upon the other he was perplexed by the feverish + inattention of Prothero to the tremendous things that were going on all + about them. It was only presently when the serenity of his own private + life began to be ruffled by disillusionment, that he began to realize the + intimate connexion of these two systems of thought. Yet Prothero put it to + him plainly enough. + </p> + <p> + “Inattentive,” said Prothero, “of course I am inattentive. What is really + the matter with all this—this social mess people are in here, is + that nearly everybody is inattentive. These Big Things of yours, nobody is + thinking of them really. Everybody is thinking about the Near Things that + concern himself.” + </p> + <p> + “The bombs they threw yesterday? The Cossacks and the whips?” + </p> + <p> + “Nudges. Gestures of inattention. If everybody was thinking of the Res + Publica would there be any need for bombs?” + </p> + <p> + He pursued his advantage. “It's all nonsense to suppose people think of + politics because they are in 'em. As well suppose that the passengers on a + liner understand the engines, or soldiers a war. Before men can think of + to-morrow, they must think of to-day. Before they can think of others, + they must be sure about themselves. First of all, food; the private, the + personal economic worry. Am I safe for food? Then sex, and until one is + tranquil and not ashamed, not irritated and dissatisfied, how can one care + for other people, or for next year or the Order of the World? How can one, + Benham?” + </p> + <p> + He seized the illustration at hand. “Here we are in Warsaw—not a + month after bomb-throwing and Cossack charging. Windows have still to be + mended, smashed doors restored. There's blood-stains still on some of the + houses. There are hundreds of people in the Citadel and in the Ochrana + prison. This morning there were executions. Is it anything more than an + eddy in the real life of the place? Watch the customers in the shops, the + crowd in the streets, the men in the cafes who stare at the passing women. + They are all swallowed up again in their own business. They just looked up + as the Cossacks galloped past; they just shifted a bit when the bullets + spat....” + </p> + <p> + And when the streets of Moscow were agog with the grotesque amazing + adventure of the Potemkin mutineers, Prothero was in the full tide of the + private romance that severed him from Benham and sent him back to + Cambridge—changed. + </p> + <p> + Before they reached Moscow Benham was already becoming accustomed to + disregard Prothero. He was looking over him at the vast heaving trouble of + Russia, which now was like a sea that tumbles under the hurrying + darknesses of an approaching storm. In those days it looked as though it + must be an overwhelming storm. He was drinking in the wide and massive + Russian effects, the drifting crowds in the entangling streets, the houses + with their strange lettering in black and gold, the innumerable barbaric + churches, the wildly driven droshkys, the sombre red fortress of the + Kremlin, with its bulbous churches clustering up into the sky, the + crosses, the innumerable gold crosses, the mad church of St. Basil, + carrying the Russian note beyond the pitch of permissible caricature, and + in this setting the obscure drama of clustering, staring, sash-wearing + peasants, long-haired students, sane-eyed women, a thousand varieties of + uniform, a running and galloping to and fro of messengers, a flutter of + little papers, whispers, shouts, shots, a drama elusive and portentous, a + gathering of forces, an accumulation of tension going on to a perpetual + clash and clamour of bells. Benham had brought letters of introduction to + a variety of people, some had vanished, it seemed. They were “away,” the + porters said, and they continued to be “away,”—it was the formula, + he learnt, for arrest; others were evasive, a few showed themselves + extraordinarily anxious to inform him about things, to explain themselves + and things about them exhaustively. One young student took him to various + meetings and showed him in great detail the scene of the recent murder of + the Grand Duke Sergius. The buildings opposite the old French cannons were + still under repair. “The assassin stood just here. The bomb fell there, + look! right down there towards the gate; that was where they found his + arm. He was torn to fragments. He was scraped up. He was mixed with the + horses....” + </p> + <p> + Every one who talked spoke of the outbreak of revolution as a matter of + days or at the utmost weeks. And whatever question Benham chose to ask + these talkers were prepared to answer. Except one. “And after the + revolution,” he asked, “what then?...” Then they waved their hands, and + failed to convey meanings by reassuring gestures. + </p> + <p> + He was absorbed in his effort to understand this universal ominous drift + towards a conflict. He was trying to piece together a process, if it was + one and the same process, which involved riots in Lodz, fighting at Libau, + wild disorder at Odessa, remote colossal battlings in Manchuria, the + obscure movements of a disastrous fleet lost somewhere now in the Indian + seas, steaming clumsily to its fate, he was trying to rationalize it all + in his mind, to comprehend its direction. He was struggling strenuously + with the obscurities of the language in which these things were being + discussed about him, a most difficult language demanding new sets of + visual images because of its strange alphabet. Is it any wonder that for a + time he failed to observe that Prothero was involved in some entirely + disconnected affair. + </p> + <p> + They were staying at the big Cosmopolis bazaar in the Theatre Square. + Thither, through the doors that are opened by distraught-looking men with + peacocks' feathers round their caps, came Benham's friends and guides to + take him out and show him this and that. At first Prothero always + accompanied Benham on these expeditions; then he began to make excuses. He + would stay behind in the hotel. Then when Benham returned Prothero would + have disappeared. When the porter was questioned about Prothero his + nescience was profound. + </p> + <p> + One night no Prothero was discoverable at any hour, and Benham, who wanted + to discuss a project for going on to Kieff and Odessa, was alarmed. + </p> + <p> + “Moscow is a late place,” said Benham's student friend. “You need not be + anxious until after four or five in the morning. It will be quite time—QUITE + time to be anxious to-morrow. He may be—close at hand.” + </p> + <p> + When Benham hunted up Prothero in his room next morning he found him + sleepy and irritable. + </p> + <p> + “I don't trouble if YOU are late,” said Prothero, sitting up in his bed + with a red resentful face and crumpled hair. “I wasn't born yesterday.” + </p> + <p> + “I wanted to talk about leaving Moscow.” + </p> + <p> + “I don't want to leave Moscow.” + </p> + <p> + “But Odessa—Odessa is the centre of interest just now.” + </p> + <p> + “I want to stay in Moscow.” + </p> + <p> + Benham looked baffled. + </p> + <p> + Prothero stuck up his knees and rested his night-shirted arms upon them. + “I don't want to leave Moscow,” he said, “and I'm not going to do so.” + </p> + <p> + “But haven't we done—” + </p> + <p> + Prothero interrupted. “You may. But I haven't. We're not after the same + things. Things that interest you, Benham, don't interest me. I've found—different + things.” + </p> + <p> + His expression was extraordinarily defiant. + </p> + <p> + “I want,” he went on, “to put our affairs on a different footing. Now + you've opened the matter we may as well go into it. You were good enough + to bring me here.... There was a sort of understanding we were working + together.... We aren't.... The long and short of it is, Benham, I want to + pay you for my journey here and go on my own—independently.” + </p> + <p> + His eye and voice achieved a fierceness that Benham found nearly + incredible in him. + </p> + <p> + Something that had got itself overlooked in the press of other matters + jerked back into Benham's memory. It popped back so suddenly that for an + instant he wanted to laugh. He turned towards the window, picked his way + among Prothero's carelessly dropped garments, and stood for a moment + staring into the square, with its drifting, assembling and dispersing + fleet of trains and its long line of blue-coated IZVOSHTCHIKS. Then he + turned. + </p> + <p> + “Billy,” he said, “didn't I see you the other evening driving towards the + Hermitage?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Prothero, and added, “that's it.” + </p> + <p> + “You were with a lady.” + </p> + <p> + “And she IS a lady,” said Prothero, so deeply moved that his face twitched + as though he was going to weep. + </p> + <p> + “She's a Russian?” + </p> + <p> + “She had an English mother. Oh, you needn't stand there and look so damned + ironical! She's—she's a woman. She's a thing of kindness....” + </p> + <p> + He was too full to go on. + </p> + <p> + “Billy, old boy,” said Benham, distressed, “I don't want to be ironical—” + </p> + <p> + Prothero had got his voice again. + </p> + <p> + “You'd better know,” he said, “you'd better know. She's one of those women + who live in this hotel.” + </p> + <p> + “Live in this hotel!” + </p> + <p> + “On the fourth floor. Didn't you know? It's the way in most of these big + Russian hotels. They come down and sit about after lunch and dinner. A + woman with a yellow ticket. Oh! I don't care. I don't care a rap. She's + been kind to me; she's—she's dear to me. How are you to understand? + I shall stop in Moscow. I shall take her to England. I can't live without + her, Benham. And then— And then you come worrying me to come to your + damned Odessa!” + </p> + <p> + And suddenly this extraordinary young man put his hands to his face as + though he feared to lose it and would hold it on, and after an apoplectic + moment burst noisily into tears. They ran between his fingers. “Get out of + my room,” he shouted, suffocatingly. “What business have you to come + prying on me?” + </p> + <p> + Benham sat down on a chair in the middle of the room and stared round-eyed + at his friend. His hands were in his pockets. For a time he said nothing. + </p> + <p> + “Billy,” he began at last, and stopped again. “Billy, in this country + somehow one wants to talk like a Russian. Billy, my dear—I'm not + your father, I'm not your judge. I'm—unreasonably fond of you. It's + not my business to settle what is right or wrong for you. If you want to + stay in Moscow, stay in Moscow. Stay here, and stay as my guest....” + </p> + <p> + He stopped and remained staring at his friend for a little space. + </p> + <p> + “I didn't know,” said Prothero brokenly; “I didn't know it was possible to + get so fond of a person....” + </p> + <p> + Benham stood up. He had never found Prothero so attractive and so + abominable in his life before. + </p> + <p> + “I shall go to Odessa alone, Billy. I'll make things all right here before + I go....” + </p> + <p> + He closed the door behind him and went in a state of profound thought to + his own room.... + </p> + <p> + Presently Prothero came to him with a vague inopportune desire to explain + what so evidently did not need explaining. He walked about the room trying + ways of putting it, while Benham packed. + </p> + <p> + In an unaccountable way Prothero's bristling little mind seemed to have + shrunken to something sleek and small. + </p> + <p> + “I wish,” he said, “you could stay for a later train and have lunch and + meet her. She's not the ordinary thing. She's—different.” + </p> + <p> + Benham plumbed depths of wisdom. “Billy,” he said, “no woman IS the + ordinary thing. They are all—different....” + </p> + <p> + 14 + </p> + <p> + For a time this affair of Prothero's seemed to be a matter as disconnected + from the Research Magnificent as one could imagine any matter to be. While + Benham went from Moscow and returned, and travelled hither and thither, + and involved himself more and more in the endless tangled threads of the + revolutionary movement in Russia, Prothero was lost to all those large + issues in the development of his personal situation. He contributed + nothing to Benham's thought except attempts at discouragement. He + reiterated his declaration that all the vast stress and change of Russian + national life was going on because it was universally disregarded. “I tell + you, as I told you before, that nobody is attending. You think because all + Moscow, all Russia, is in the picture, that everybody is concerned. Nobody + is concerned. Nobody cares what is happening. Even the men who write in + newspapers and talk at meetings about it don't care. They are thinking of + their dinners, of their clothes, of their money, of their wives. They + hurry home....” + </p> + <p> + That was his excuse. + </p> + <p> + Manifestly it was an excuse. + </p> + <p> + His situation developed into remarkable complications of jealousy and + divided counsels that Benham found altogether incomprehensible. To Benham + in those days everything was very simple in this business of love. The + aristocrat had to love ideally; that was all. He had to love Amanda. He + and Amanda were now very deeply in love again, more in love, he felt, than + they had ever been before. They were now writing love-letters to each + other and enjoying a separation that was almost voluptuous. She found in + the epistolatory treatment of her surrender to him and to the natural fate + of women, a delightful exercise for her very considerable powers of + expression. Life pointed now wonderfully to the great time ahead when + there would be a Cheetah cub in the world, and meanwhile the Cheetah loped + about the wild world upon a mighty quest. In such terms she put it. Such + foolishness written in her invincibly square and youthful hand went daily + from London to Russia, and stacked up against his return in the porter's + office at the Cosmopolis Bazaar or pursued him down through the jarring + disorders of south-west Russia, or waited for him at ill-chosen + post-offices that deflected his journeyings wastefully or in several + instances went altogether astray. Perhaps they supplied self-educating + young strikers in the postal service with useful exercises in the + deciphering of manuscript English. He wrote back five hundred different + ways of saying that he loved her extravagantly.... + </p> + <p> + It seemed to Benham in those days that he had found the remedy and + solution of all those sexual perplexities that distressed the world; + Heroic Love to its highest note—and then you go about your business. + It seemed impossible not to be happy and lift one's chin high and diffuse + a bracing kindliness among the unfortunate multitudes who stewed in + affliction and hate because they had failed as yet to find this simple, + culminating elucidation. And Prothero—Prothero, too, was now + achieving the same grand elementariness, out of his lusts and protests and + general physical squalor he had flowered into love. For a time it is true + it made rather an ineffective companion of him, but this was the mere + goose-stepping for the triumphal march; this way ultimately lay + exaltation. Benham had had as yet but a passing glimpse of this + Anglo-Russian, who was a lady and altogether unlike her fellows; he had + seen her for a doubtful second or so as she and Prothero drove past him, + and his impression was of a rather little creature, white-faced with dusky + hair under a red cap, paler and smaller but with something in her, a quiet + alertness, that gave her a touch of kinship with Amanda. And if she liked + old Prothero— And, indeed, she must like old Prothero or could she + possibly have made him so deeply in love with her? + </p> + <p> + They must stick to each other, and then, presently, Prothero's soul would + wake up and face the world again. What did it matter what she had been? + </p> + <p> + Through stray shots and red conflict, long tediums of strained anxiety and + the physical dangers of a barbaric country staggering towards revolution, + Benham went with his own love like a lamp within him and this affair of + Prothero's reflecting its light, and he was quite prepared for the most + sympathetic and liberal behaviour when he came back to Moscow to make the + lady's acquaintance. He intended to help Prothero to marry and take her + back to Cambridge, and to assist by every possible means in destroying and + forgetting the official yellow ticket that defined her status in Moscow. + But he reckoned without either Prothero or the young lady in this + expectation. + </p> + <p> + It only got to him slowly through his political preoccupations that there + were obscure obstacles to this manifest course. Prothero hesitated; the + lady expressed doubts. + </p> + <p> + On closer acquaintance her resemblance to Amanda diminished. It was + chiefly a similarity of complexion. She had a more delicate face than + Amanda, and its youthful brightness was deadened; she had none of Amanda's + glow, and she spoke her mother's language with a pretty halting limp that + was very different from Amanda's clear decisions. + </p> + <p> + She put her case compactly. + </p> + <p> + “I would not DO in Cambridge,” she said with an infinitesimal glance at + Prothero. + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Benham,” she said, and her manner had the gravity of a woman of + affairs, “now do you see me in Cambridge? Now do you see me? Kept outside + the walls? In a little DATCHA? With no occupation? Just to amuse him.” + </p> + <p> + And on another occasion when Prothero was not with her she achieved still + completer lucidity. + </p> + <p> + “I would come if I thought he wanted me to come,” she said. “But you see + if I came he would not want me to come. Because then he would have me and + so he wouldn't want me. He would just have the trouble. And I am not sure + if I should be happy in Cambridge. I am not sure I should be happy enough + to make him happy. It is a very learned and intelligent and charming + society, of course; but here, THINGS HAPPEN. At Cambridge nothing happens—there + is only education. There is no revolution in Cambridge; there are not even + sinful people to be sorry for.... And he says himself that Cambridge + people are particular. He says they are liberal but very, very particular, + and perhaps I could not always act my part well. Sometimes I am not always + well behaved. When there is music I behave badly sometimes, or when I am + bored. He says the Cambridge people are so liberal that they do not mind + what you are, but he says they are so particular that they mind dreadfully + how you are what you are.... So that it comes to exactly the same + thing....” + </p> + <p> + “Anna Alexievna,” said Benham suddenly, “are you in love with Prothero?” + </p> + <p> + Her manner became conscientiously scientific. + </p> + <p> + “He is very kind and very generous—too generous. He keeps sending + for more money—hundreds of roubles, I try to prevent him.” + </p> + <p> + “Were you EVER in love?” + </p> + <p> + “Of course. But it's all gone long ago. It was like being hungry. Only + very fine hungry. Exquisite hungry.... And then being disgusted....” + </p> + <p> + “He is in love with you.” + </p> + <p> + “What is love?” said Anna. “He is grateful. He is by nature grateful.” She + smiled a smile, like the smile of a pale Madonna who looks down on her + bambino. + </p> + <p> + “And you love nothing?” + </p> + <p> + “I love Russia—and being alone, being completely alone. When I am + dead perhaps I shall be alone. Not even my own body will touch me then.” + </p> + <p> + Then she added, “But I shall be sorry when he goes.” + </p> + <p> + Afterwards Benham talked to Prothero alone. “Your Anna,” he said, “is + rather wonderful. At first, I tell you now frankly I did not like her very + much, I thought she looked 'used,' she drank vodka at lunch, she was gay, + uneasily; she seemed a sham thing. All that was prejudice. She thinks; + she's generous, she's fine.” + </p> + <p> + “She's tragic,” said Prothero as though it was the same thing. + </p> + <p> + He spoke as though he noted an objection. His next remark confirmed this + impression. “That's why I can't take her back to Cambridge,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “You see, Benham,” he went on, “she's human. She's not really feminine. I + mean, she's—unsexed. She isn't fitted to be a wife or a mother any + more. We've talked about the possible life in England, very plainly. I've + explained what a household in Cambridge would mean.... It doesn't attract + her.... In a way she's been let out from womanhood, forced out of + womanhood, and I see now that when women are let out from womanhood + there's no putting them back. I could give a lecture on Anna. I see now + that if women are going to be wives and mothers and homekeepers and + ladies, they must be got ready for it from the beginning, sheltered, never + really let out into the wild chances of life. She has been. Bitterly. + She's REALLY emancipated. And it's let her out into a sort of nothingness. + She's no longer a woman, and she isn't a man. She ought to be able to go + on her own—like a man. But I can't take her back to Cambridge. Even + for her sake.” + </p> + <p> + His perplexed eyes regarded Benham. + </p> + <p> + “You won't be happy in Cambridge—alone,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, damnably not! But what can I do? I had at first some idea of coming + to Moscow for good—teaching.” + </p> + <p> + He paused. “Impossible. I'm worth nothing here. I couldn't have kept her.” + </p> + <p> + “Then what are you going to do, Billy?” + </p> + <p> + “I don't KNOW what I'm going to do, I tell you. I live for the moment. + To-morrow we are going out into the country.” + </p> + <p> + “I don't understand,” said Benham with a gesture of resignation. “It seems + to me that if a man and woman love each other—well, they insist upon + each other. What is to happen to her if you leave her in Moscow?” + </p> + <p> + “Damnation! Is there any need to ask that?” + </p> + <p> + “Take her to Cambridge, man. And if Cambridge objects, teach Cambridge + better manners.” + </p> + <p> + Prothero's face was suddenly transfigured with rage. + </p> + <p> + “I tell you she won't come!” he said. + </p> + <p> + “Billy!” said Benham, “you should make her!” + </p> + <p> + “I can't.” + </p> + <p> + “If a man loves a woman he can make her do anything—” + </p> + <p> + “But I don't love her like that,” said Prothero, shrill with anger. “I + tell you I don't love her like that.” + </p> + <p> + Then he lunged into further deeps. “It's the other men,” he said, “it's + the things that have been. Don't you understand? Can't you understand? The + memories—she must have memories—they come between us. It's + something deeper than reason. It's in one's spine and under one's nails. + One could do anything, I perceive, for one's very own woman....” + </p> + <p> + “MAKE her your very own woman, said the exponent of heroic love. + </p> + <p> + “I shirk deeds, Benham, but you shirk facts. How could any man make her + his very own woman now? You—you don't seem to understand—ANYTHING. + She's nobody's woman—for ever. That—that might-have-been has + gone for ever.... It's nerves—a passion of the nerves. There's a + cruelty in life and— She's KIND to me. She's so kind to me....” + </p> + <p> + And then again Prothero was weeping like a vexed child. + </p> + <p> + 15 + </p> + <p> + The end of Prothero's first love affair came to Benham in broken fragments + in letters. When he looked for Anna Alexievna in December—he never + learnt her surname—he found she had left the Cosmopolis Bazaar soon + after Prothero's departure and he could not find whither she had gone. He + never found her again. Moscow and Russia had swallowed her up. + </p> + <p> + Of course she and Prothero parted; that was a foregone conclusion. But + Prothero's manner of parting succeeded in being at every phase a shock to + Benham's ideas. It was clear he went off almost callously; it would seem + there was very little crying. Towards the end it was evident that the two + had quarrelled. The tears only came at the very end of all. It was almost + as if he had got through the passion and was glad to go. Then came regret, + a regret that increased in geometrical proportion with every mile of + distance. + </p> + <p> + In Warsaw it was that grief really came to Prothero. He had some hours + there and he prowled the crowded streets, seeing girls and women happy + with their lovers, abroad upon bright expeditions and full of delicious + secrets, girls and women who ever and again flashed out some instant + resemblance to Anna.... + </p> + <p> + In Berlin he stopped a night and almost decided that he would go back. + “But now I had the damned frontier,” he wrote, “between us.” + </p> + <p> + It was so entirely in the spirit of Prothero, Benham thought, to let the + “damned frontier” tip the balance against him. + </p> + <p> + Then came a scrawl of passionate confession, so passionate that it seemed + as if Prothero had been transfigured. “I can't stand this business,” he + wrote. “It has things in it, possibilities of emotional disturbance—you + can have no idea! In the train—luckily I was alone in the + compartment—I sat and thought, and suddenly, I could not help it, I + was weeping—noisy weeping, an uproar! A beastly German came and + stood in the corridor to stare. I had to get out of the train. It is + disgraceful, it is monstrous we should be made like this.... + </p> + <p> + “Here I am stranded in Hanover with nothing to do but to write to you + about my dismal feelings....” + </p> + <p> + After that surely there was nothing before a broken-hearted Prothero but + to go on with his trailing wing to Trinity and a life of inappeasable + regrets; but again Benham reckoned without the invincible earthliness of + his friend. Prothero stayed three nights in Paris. + </p> + <p> + “There is an extraordinary excitement about Paris,” he wrote. “A levity. I + suspect the gypsum in the subsoil—some as yet undescribed + radiations. Suddenly the world looks brightly cynical.... None of those + tear-compelling German emanations.... + </p> + <p> + “And, Benham, I have found a friend. + </p> + <p> + “A woman. Of course you will laugh, you will sneer. You do not understand + these things.... Yet they are so simple. It was the strangest accident + brought us together. There was something that drew us together. A sort of + instinct. Near the Boulevard Poissoniere....” + </p> + <p> + “Good heavens!” said Benham. “A sort of instinct!” + </p> + <p> + “I told her all about Anna!” + </p> + <p> + “Good Lord!” cried Benham. + </p> + <p> + “She understood. Perfectly. None of your so-called 'respectable' women + could have understood.... At first I intended merely to talk to her....” + </p> + <p> + Benham crumpled the letter in his hand. + </p> + <p> + “Little Anna Alexievna!” he said, “you were too clean for him.” + </p> + <p> + 16 + </p> + <p> + Benham had a vision of Prothero returning from all this foreign travel + meekly, pensively, a little sadly, and yet not without a kind of relief, + to the grey mildness of Trinity. He saw him, capped and gowned, and + restored to academic dignity again, nodding greetings, resuming + friendships. + </p> + <p> + The little man merged again into his rare company of discreet Benedicts + and restrained celibates at the high tables. They ate on in their mature + wisdom long after the undergraduates had fled. Presently they would + withdraw processionally to the combination room.... + </p> + <p> + There would be much to talk about over the wine. + </p> + <p> + Benham speculated what account Prothero would give of Moscow.... + </p> + <p> + He laughed abruptly. + </p> + <p> + And with that laugh Prothero dropped out of Benham's world for a space of + years. There may have been other letters, but if so they were lost in the + heaving troubles of a revolution-strained post-office. Perhaps to this day + they linger sere and yellow in some forgotten pigeon-hole in Kishinev or + Ekaterinoslav.... + </p> + <p> + 17 + </p> + <p> + In November, after an adventure in the trader's quarter of Kieff which had + brought him within an inch of death, and because an emotional wave had + swept across him and across his correspondence with Amanda, Benham went + back suddenly to England and her. He wanted very greatly to see her and + also he wanted to make certain arrangements about his property. He + returned by way of Hungary, and sent telegrams like shouts of excitement + whenever the train stopped for a sufficient time. “Old Leopard, I am + coming, I am coming,” he telegraphed, announcing his coming for the fourth + time. It was to be the briefest of visits, very passionate, the mutual + refreshment of two noble lovers, and then he was returning to Russia + again. + </p> + <p> + Amanda was at Chexington, and there he found her installed in the utmost + dignity of expectant maternity. Like many other people he had been a + little disposed to regard the bearing of children as a common human + experience; at Chexington he came to think of it as a rare and sacramental + function. Amanda had become very beautiful in quiet, grey, dove-like + tones; her sun-touched, boy's complexion had given way to a soft glow of + the utmost loveliness, her brisk little neck that had always reminded him + of the stalk of a flower was now softened and rounded; her eyes were + tender, and she moved about the place in the manner of one who is vowed to + a great sacrifice. She dominated the scene, and Lady Marayne, with a + certain astonishment in her eyes and a smouldering disposition to irony, + was the half-sympathetic, half-resentful priestess of her + daughter-in-law's unparalleled immolation. The MOTIF of motherhood was + everywhere, and at his bedside he found—it had been put there for + him by Amanda—among much other exaltation of woman's mission, that + most wonderful of all philoprogenitive stories, Hudson's CRYSTAL AGE. + </p> + <p> + Everybody at Chexington had an air of being grouped about the impending + fact. An epidemic of internal troubles, it is true, kept Sir Godfrey in + the depths of London society, but to make up for his absence Mrs. Morris + had taken a little cottage down by the river and the Wilder girls were + with her, both afire with fine and subtle feelings and both, it seemed, + and more particularly Betty, prepared to be keenly critical of Benham's + attitude. + </p> + <p> + He did a little miss his cue in these exaltations, because he had returned + in a rather different vein of exaltation. + </p> + <p> + In missing it he was assisted by Amanda herself, who had at moments an + effect upon him of a priestess confidentially disrobed. It was as if she + put aside for him something official, something sincerely maintained, + necessary, but at times a little irksome. It was as if she was glad to + take him into her confidence and unbend. Within the pre-natal Amanda an + impish Amanda still lingered. + </p> + <p> + There were aspects of Amanda that it was manifest dear Betty must never + know.... + </p> + <p> + But the real Amanda of that November visit even in her most unpontifical + moods did not quite come up to the imagined Amanda who had drawn him home + across Europe. At times she was extraordinarily jolly. They had two or + three happy walks about the Chexington woods; that year the golden weather + of October had flowed over into November, and except for a carpet of green + and gold under the horse-chestnuts most of the leaves were still on the + trees. Gleams of her old wanton humour shone on him. And then would come + something else, something like a shadow across the world, something he had + quite forgotten since his idea of heroic love had flooded him, something + that reminded him of those long explanations with Mr. Rathbone-Sanders + that had never been explained, and of the curate in the doorway of the + cottage and his unaccountable tears. + </p> + <p> + On the afternoon of his arrival at Chexington he was a little surprised to + find Sir Philip Easton coming through the house into the garden, with an + accustomed familiarity. Sir Philip perceived him with a start that was + instantly controlled, and greeted him with unnatural ease. + </p> + <p> + Sir Philip, it seemed, was fishing and reading and playing cricket in the + neighbourhood, which struck Benham as a poor way of spending the summer, + the sort of soft holiday a man learns to take from scholars and literary + men. A man like Sir Philip, he thought, ought to have been aviating or + travelling. + </p> + <p> + Moreover, when Sir Philip greeted Amanda it seemed to Benham that there + was a flavour of established association in their manner. But then Sir + Philip was also very assiduous with Lady Marayne. She called him “Pip,” + and afterwards Amanda called across the tennis-court to him, “Pip!” And + then he called her “Amanda.” When the Wilder girls came up to join the + tennis he was just as brotherly.... + </p> + <p> + The next day he came to lunch. + </p> + <p> + During that meal Benham became more aware than he had ever been before of + the peculiar deep expressiveness of this young man's eyes. They watched + him and they watched Amanda with a solicitude that seemed at once pained + and tender. And there was something about Amanda, a kind of hard + brightness, an impartiality and an air of something undefinably suspended, + that gave Benham an intuitive certitude that that afternoon Sir Philip + would be spoken to privately, and that then he would pack up and go away + in a state of illumination from Chexington. But before he could be spoken + to he contrived to speak to Benham. + </p> + <p> + They were left to smoke after lunch, and then it was he took advantage of + a pause to commit his little indiscretion. + </p> + <p> + “Mrs. Benham,” he said, “looks amazingly well—extraordinarily well, + don't you think?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Benham, startled. “Yes. She certainly keeps very well.” + </p> + <p> + “She misses you terribly,” said Sir Philip; “it is a time when a woman + misses her husband. But, of course, she does not want to hamper your + work....” + </p> + <p> + Benham felt it was very kind of him to take so intimate an interest in + these matters, but on the spur of the moment he could find no better + expression for this than a grunt. + </p> + <p> + “You don't mind,” said the young man with a slight catch in the breath + that might have been apprehensive, “that I sometimes bring her books and + flowers and things? Do what little I can to keep life interesting down + here? It's not very congenial.... She's so wonderful—I think she is + the most wonderful woman in the world.” + </p> + <p> + Benham perceived that so far from being a modern aristocrat he was really + a primitive barbarian in these matters. + </p> + <p> + “I've no doubt,” he said, “that my wife has every reason to be grateful + for your attentions.” + </p> + <p> + In the little pause that followed Benham had a feeling that Sir Philip was + engendering something still more personal. If so, he might be constrained + to invert very gently but very firmly the bowl of chrysanthemums over Sir + Philip's head, or kick him in an improving manner. He had a ridiculous + belief that Sir Philip would probably take anything of the sort very + touchingly. He scrambled in his mind for some remark that would avert this + possibility. + </p> + <p> + “Have you ever been in Russia?” he asked hastily. “It is the most + wonderful country in Europe. I had an odd adventure near Kiev. During a + pogrom.” + </p> + <p> + And he drowned the developing situation in a flood of description.... + </p> + <p> + But it was not so easy to drown the little things that were presently + thrown out by Lady Marayne. They were so much more in the air.... + </p> + <p> + 18 + </p> + <p> + Sir Philip suddenly got out of the picture even as Benham had foreseen. + </p> + <p> + “Easton has gone away,” he remarked three days later to Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “I told him to go. He is a bore with you about. But otherwise he is rather + a comfort, Cheetah.” She meditated upon Sir Philip. “And he's an + HONOURABLE man,” she said. “He's safe....” + </p> + <p> + 19 + </p> + <p> + After that visit it was that the notes upon love and sex began in earnest. + The scattered memoranda upon the perfectness of heroic love for the modern + aristocrat ended abruptly. Instead there came the first draft for a study + of jealousy. The note was written in pencil on Chexington notepaper and + manifestly that had been supported on the ribbed cover of a book. There + was a little computation in the corner, converting forty-five degrees + Reaumur into degrees Fahrenheit, which made White guess it had been + written in the Red Sea. But, indeed, it had been written in a rather + amateurishly stoked corridor-train on Benham's journey to the gathering + revolt in Moscow.... + </p> + <p> + “I think I have been disposed to underrate the force of sexual + jealousy.... I thought it was something essentially contemptible, + something that one dismissed and put behind oneself in the mere effort to + be aristocratic, but I begin to realize that it is not quite so easily + settled with.... + </p> + <p> + “One likes to know.... Possibly one wants to know too much.... In phases + of fatigue, and particularly in phases of sleeplessness, when one is + leaving all that one cares for behind, it becomes an irrational + torment.... + </p> + <p> + “And it is not only in oneself that I am astonished by the power of this + base motive. I see, too, in the queer business of Prothero how strongly + jealousy, how strongly the sense of proprietorship, weighs with a man.... + </p> + <p> + “There is no clear reason why one should insist upon another human being + being one's ownest own—utterly one's own.... + </p> + <p> + “There is, of course, no clear reason for most human motives.... + </p> + <p> + “One does.... + </p> + <p> + “There is something dishonouring in distrust—to both the distrusted + and the one who distrusts....” + </p> + <p> + After that, apparently, it had been too hot and stuffy to continue. + </p> + <p> + 20 + </p> + <p> + Benham did not see Amanda again until after the birth of their child. He + spent his Christmas in Moscow, watching the outbreak, the fitful fighting + and the subsequent break-up, of the revolution, and taking care of a lost + and helpless English family whose father had gone astray temporarily on + the way home from Baku. Then he went southward to Rostov and thence to + Astrakhan. Here he really began his travels. He determined to get to India + by way of Herat and for the first time in his life rode out into an + altogether lawless wilderness. He went on obstinately because he found + himself disposed to funk the journey, and because discouragements were put + in his way. He was soon quite cut off from all the ways of living he had + known. He learnt what it is to be flea-bitten, saddle-sore, hungry and, + above all, thirsty. He was haunted by a dread of fever, and so contrived + strange torments for himself with overdoses of quinine. He ceased to be + traceable from Chexington in March, and he reappeared in the form of a + telegram from Karachi demanding news in May. He learnt he was the father + of a man-child and that all was well with Amanda. + </p> + <p> + He had not expected to be so long away from any communication with the + outer world, and something in the nature of a stricken conscience took him + back to England. He found a second William Porphyry in the world, + dominating Chexington, and Amanda tenderly triumphant and passionate, the + Madonna enthroned. For William Porphyry he could feel no emotion. William + Porphyry was very red and ugly and protesting, feeble and aggressive, a + matter for a skilled nurse. To see him was to ignore him and dispel a + dream. It was to Amanda Benham turned again. + </p> + <p> + For some days he was content to adore his Madonna and listen to the + familiar flatteries of her love. He was a leaner, riper man, Amanda said, + and wiser, so that she was afraid of him.... + </p> + <p> + And then he became aware that she was requiring him to stay at her side. + “We have both had our adventures,” she said, which struck him as an odd + phrase. + </p> + <p> + It forced itself upon his obstinate incredulity that all those conceptions + of heroic love and faithfulness he had supposed to be so clearly + understood between them had vanished from her mind. She had absolutely + forgotten that twilight moment at the window which had seemed to him the + crowning instant, the real marriage of their lives. It had gone, it had + left no recoverable trace in her. And upon his interpretations of that he + had loved her passionately for a year. She was back at exactly the ideas + and intentions that ruled her during their first settlement in London. She + wanted a joint life in the social world of London, she demanded his + presence, his attention, the daily practical evidences of love. It was all + very well for him to be away when the child was coming, but now everything + was different. Now he must stay by her. + </p> + <p> + This time he argued no case. These issues he had settled for ever. Even an + indignant dissertation from Lady Marayne, a dissertation that began with + appeals and ended in taunts, did not move him. Behind these things now was + India. The huge problems of India had laid an unshakeable hold upon his + imagination. He had seen Russia, and he wanted to balance that picture by + a vision of the east.... + </p> + <p> + He saw Easton only once during a week-end at Chexington. The young man + displayed no further disposition to be confidentially sentimental. But he + seemed to have something on his mind. And Amanda said not a word about + him. He was a young man above suspicion, Benham felt.... + </p> + <p> + And from his departure the quality of the correspondence of these two + larger carnivores began to change. Except for the repetition of accustomed + endearments, they ceased to be love letters in any sense of the word. They + dealt chiefly with the “Cub,” and even there Benham felt presently that + the enthusiasm diminished. A new amazing quality for Amanda appeared—triteness. + The very writing of her letters changed as though it had suddenly lost + backbone. Her habitual liveliness of phrasing lost its point. Had she lost + her animation? Was she ill unknowingly? Where had the light gone? It was + as if her attention was distracted.... As if every day when she wrote her + mind was busy about something else. + </p> + <p> + Abruptly at last he understood. A fact that had never been stated, never + formulated, never in any way admitted, was suddenly pointed to + convergently by a thousand indicating fingers, and beyond question + perceived to be THERE.... + </p> + <p> + He left a record of that moment of realization. + </p> + <p> + “Suddenly one night I woke up and lay still, and it was as if I had never + seen Amanda before. Now I saw her plainly, I saw her with that same + dreadful clearness that sometimes comes at dawn, a pitiless, a scientific + distinctness that has neither light nor shadow.... + </p> + <p> + “Of course,” I said, and then presently I got up very softly.... + </p> + <p> + “I wanted to get out of my intolerable, close, personal cabin. I wanted to + feel the largeness of the sky. I went out upon the deck. We were off the + coast of Madras, and when I think of that moment, there comes back to me + also the faint flavour of spice in the air, the low line of the coast, the + cool flooding abundance of the Indian moonlight, the swish of the black + water against the side of the ship. And a perception of infinite loss, as + if the limitless heavens above this earth and below to the very uttermost + star were just one boundless cavity from which delight had fled.... + </p> + <p> + “Of course I had lost her. I knew it with absolute certainty. I knew it + from her insecure temperament, her adventurousness, her needs. I knew it + from every line she had written me in the last three months. I knew it + intuitively. She had been unfaithful. She must have been unfaithful. + </p> + <p> + “What had I been dreaming about to think that it would not be so?” + </p> + <p> + 21 + </p> + <p> + “Now let me write down plainly what I think of these matters. Let me be at + least honest with myself, whatever self-contradictions I may have been led + into by force of my passions. Always I have despised jealousy.... + </p> + <p> + “Only by the conquest of four natural limitations is the aristocratic life + to be achieved. They come in a certain order, and in that order the spirit + of man is armed against them less and less efficiently. Of fear and my + struggle against fear I have told already. I am fearful. I am a physical + coward until I can bring shame and anger to my assistance, but in + overcoming fear I have been helped by the whole body of human tradition. + Every one, the basest creatures, every Hottentot, every stunted creature + that ever breathed poison in a slum, knows that the instinctive + constitution of man is at fault here and that fear is shameful and must be + subdued. The race is on one's side. And so there is a vast traditional + support for a man against the Second Limitation, the limitation of + physical indulgence. It is not so universal as the first, there is a + grinning bawling humour on the side of grossness, but common pride is + against it. And in this matter my temperament has been my help: I am + fastidious, I eat little, drink little, and feel a shivering recoil from + excess. It is no great virtue; it happens so; it is something in the + nerves of my skin. I cannot endure myself unshaven or in any way unclean; + I am tormented by dirty hands or dirty blood or dirty memories, and after + I had once loved Amanda I could not—unless some irrational impulse + to get equal with her had caught me—have broken my faith to her, + whatever breach there was in her faith to me.... + </p> + <p> + “I see that in these matters I am cleaner than most men and more easily + clean; and it may be that it is in the vein of just that distinctive + virtue that I fell so readily into a passion of resentment and anger. + </p> + <p> + “I despised a jealous man. There is a traditional discredit of jealousy, + not so strong as that against cowardice, but still very strong. But the + general contempt of jealousy is curiously wrapped up with the supposition + that there is no cause for jealousy, that it is unreasonable suspicion. + Given a cause then tradition speaks with an uncertain voice.... + </p> + <p> + “I see now that I despised jealousy because I assumed that it was + impossible for Amanda to love any one but me; it was intolerable to + imagine anything else, I insisted upon believing that she was as + fastidious as myself and as faithful as myself, made indeed after my + image, and I went on disregarding the most obvious intimations that she + was not, until that still moment in the Indian Ocean, when silently, + gently as a drowned body might rise out of the depths of a pool, that + knowledge of love dead and honour gone for ever floated up into my + consciousness. + </p> + <p> + “And then I felt that Amanda had cheated me! Outrageously. Abominably. + </p> + <p> + “Now, so far as my intelligence goes, there is not a cloud upon this + question. My demand upon Amanda was outrageous and I had no right whatever + to her love or loyalty. I must have that very clear.... + </p> + <p> + “This aristocratic life, as I conceive it, must be, except accidentally + here and there, incompatible with the domestic life. It means going hither + and thither in the universe of thought as much as in the universe of + matter, it means adventure, it means movement and adventure that must + needs be hopelessly encumbered by an inseparable associate, it means + self-imposed responsibilities that will not fit into the welfare of a + family. In all ages, directly society had risen above the level of a + barbaric tribal village, this need of a release from the family for + certain necessary types of people has been recognized. It was met + sometimes informally, sometimes formally, by the growth and establishment + of special classes and orders, of priests, monks, nuns, of pledged + knights, of a great variety of non-family people, whose concern was the + larger collective life that opens out beyond the simple necessities and + duties and loyalties of the steading and of the craftsman's house. + Sometimes, but not always, that release took the form of celibacy; but + besides that there have been a hundred institutional variations of the + common life to meet the need of the special man, the man who must go deep + and the man who must go far. A vowed celibacy ceased to be a tolerable + rule for an aristocracy directly the eugenic idea entered the mind of man, + because a celibate aristocracy means the abandonment of the racial future + to a proletariat of base unleaderly men. That was plain to Plato. It was + plain to Campanelea. It was plain to the Protestant reformers. But the + world has never yet gone on to the next step beyond that recognition, to + the recognition of feminine aristocrats, rulers and the mates of rulers, + as untrammelled by domestic servitudes and family relationships as the men + of their kind. That I see has always been my idea since in my + undergraduate days I came under the spell of Plato. It was a matter of + course that my first gift to Amanda should be his REPUBLIC. I loved Amanda + transfigured in that dream.... + </p> + <p> + “There are no such women.... + </p> + <p> + “It is no excuse for me that I thought she was like-minded with myself. I + had no sound reason for supposing that. I did suppose that. I did not + perceive that not only was she younger than myself, but that while I had + been going through a mill of steely education, kept close, severely + exercised, polished by discussion, she had but the weak training of a not + very good school, some scrappy reading, the vague discussions of village + artists, and the draped and decorated novelties of the 'advanced.' It all + went to nothing on the impact of the world.... She showed herself the + woman the world has always known, no miracle, and the alternative was for + me to give myself to her in the ancient way, to serve her happiness, to + control her and delight and companion her, or to let her go. + </p> + <p> + “The normal woman centres upon herself; her mission is her own charm and + her own beauty and her own setting; her place is her home. She demands the + concentration of a man. Not to be able to command that is her failure. Not + to give her that is to shame her. As I had shamed Amanda....” + </p> + <p> + 22 + </p> + <p> + “There are no such women.” He had written this in and struck it out, and + then at some later time written it in again. There it stayed now as his + last persuasion, but it set White thinking and doubting. And, indeed, + there was another sheet of pencilled broken stuff that seemed to glance at + quite another type of womanhood. + </p> + <p> + 23 + </p> + <p> + “It is clear that the women aristocrats who must come to the remaking of + the world will do so in spite of limitations at least as great as those + from which the aristocratic spirit of man escapes. These women must become + aristocratic through their own innate impulse, they must be self-called to + their lives, exactly as men must be; there is no making an aristocrat + without a predisposition for rule and nobility. And they have to discover + and struggle against just exactly the limitations that we have to struggle + against. They have to conquer not only fear but indulgence, indulgence of + a softer, more insidious quality, and jealousy—proprietorship.... + </p> + <p> + “It is as natural to want a mate as to want bread, and a thousand times in + my work and in my wanderings I have thought of a mate and desired a mate. + A mate—not a possession. It is a need almost naively simple. If only + one could have a woman who thought of one and with one! Though she were on + the other side of the world and busied about a thousand things.... + </p> + <p> + “'WITH one,' I see it must be rather than 'OF one.' That 'of one' is just + the unexpurgated egotistical demand coming back again.... + </p> + <p> + “Man is a mating creature. It is not good to be alone. But mating means a + mate.... + </p> + <p> + “We should be lovers, of course; that goes without saying.... + </p> + <p> + “And yet not specialized lovers, not devoted, ATTENDING lovers. 'Dancing + attendance'—as they used to say. We should meet upon our ways as the + great carnivores do.... + </p> + <p> + “That at any rate was a sound idea. Though we only played with it. + </p> + <p> + “But that mate desire is just a longing that can have no possible + satisfaction now for me. What is the good of dreaming? Life and chance + have played a trick upon my body and soul. I am mated, though I am mated + to a phantom. I loved and I love Arnanda, not Easton's Amanda, but Amanda + in armour, the Amanda of my dreams. Sense, and particularly the sense of + beauty, lies deeper than reason in us. There can be no mate for me now + unless she comes with Amanda's voice and Amanda's face and Amanda's quick + movements and her clever hands....” + </p> + <p> + 24 + </p> + <p> + “Why am I so ungrateful to her still for all the happiness she gave me? + </p> + <p> + “There were things between us two as lovers,—love, things more + beautiful than anything else in the world, things that set the mind + hunting among ineffectual images in a search for impossible expression, + images of sunlight shining through blood-red petals, images of moonlight + in a scented garden, of marble gleaming in the shade, of far-off wonderful + music heard at dusk in a great stillness, of fairies dancing softly, of + floating happiness and stirring delights, of joys as keen and sudden as + the knife of an assassin, assassin's knives made out of tears, tears that + are happiness, wordless things; and surprises, expectations, gratitudes, + sudden moments of contemplation, the sight of a soft eyelid closed in + sleep, shadowy tones in the sound of a voice heard unexpectedly; sweet, + dear magical things that I can find no words for.... + </p> + <p> + “If she was a goddess to me, should it be any affair of mine that she was + not a goddess to herself; that she could hold all this that has been + between us more cheaply than I did? It does not change one jot of it for + me. At the time she did not hold it cheaply. She forgets where I do not + forget....” + </p> + <p> + 25 + </p> + <p> + Such were the things that Benham could think and set down. + </p> + <p> + Yet for whole days he was possessed by the thought of killing Amanda and + himself. + </p> + <p> + He did not at once turn homeward. It was in Ceylon that he dropped his + work and came home. At Colombo he found a heap of letters awaiting him, + and there were two of these that had started at the same time. They had + been posted in London on one eventful afternoon. Lady Marayne and Amanda + had quarrelled violently. Two earnest, flushed, quick-breathing women, + full of neat but belated repartee, separated to write their simultaneous + letters. Each letter trailed the atmosphere of that truncated encounter. + Lady Marayne told her story ruthlessly. Amanda, on the other hand, + generalized, and explained. Sir Philip's adoration of her was a + love-friendship, it was beautiful, it was pure. Was there no trust nor + courage in the world? She would defy all jealous scandal. She would not + even banish him from her side. Surely the Cheetah could trust her. But the + pitiless facts of Lady Marayne went beyond Amanda's explaining. The little + lady's dignity had been stricken. “I have been used as a cloak,” she + wrote. + </p> + <p> + Her phrases were vivid. She quoted the very words of Amanda, words she had + overheard at Chexington in the twilight. They were no invention. They were + the very essence of Amanda, the lover. It was as sure as if Benham had + heard the sound of her voice, as if he had peeped and seen, as if she had + crept by him, stooping and rustling softly. It brought back the living + sense of her, excited, flushed, reckless; his wild-haired Amanda of + infinite delight.... All day those words of hers pursued him. All night + they flared across the black universe. He buried his face in the pillows + and they whispered softly in his ear. + </p> + <p> + He walked his room in the darkness longing to smash and tear. + </p> + <p> + He went out from the house and shook his ineffectual fists at the stirring + quiet of the stars. + </p> + <p> + He sent no notice of his coming back. Nor did he come back with a definite + plan. But he wanted to get at Amanda. + </p> + <p> + 26 + </p> + <p> + It was with Amanda he had to reckon. Towards Easton he felt scarcely any + anger at all. Easton he felt only existed for him because Amanda willed to + have it so. + </p> + <p> + Such anger as Easton did arouse in him was a contemptuous anger. His + devotion filled Benham with scorn. His determination to serve Amanda at + any price, to bear the grossest humiliations and slights for her, his + humility, his service and tenderness, his care for her moods and + happiness, seemed to Benham a treachery to human nobility. That rage + against Easton was like the rage of a trade-unionist against a blackleg. + Are all the women to fall to the men who will be their master-slaves and + keepers? But it was not simply that Benham felt men must be freed from + this incessant attendance; women too must free themselves from their + almost instinctive demand for an attendant.... + </p> + <p> + His innate disposition was to treat women as responsible beings. Never in + his life had he thought of a woman as a pretty thing to be fooled and won + and competed for and fought over. So that it was Amanda he wanted to reach + and reckon with now, Amanda who had mated and ruled his senses only to + fling him into this intolerable pit of shame and jealous fury. But the + forces that were driving him home now were the forces below the level of + reason and ideas, organic forces compounded of hate and desire, profound + aboriginal urgencies. He thought, indeed, very little as he lay in his + berth or sulked on deck; his mind lay waste under a pitiless invasion of + exasperating images that ever and again would so wring him that his + muscles would tighten and his hands clench or he would find himself + restraining a snarl, the threat of the beast, in his throat. + </p> + <p> + Amanda grew upon his imagination until she overshadowed the whole world. + She filled the skies. She bent over him and mocked him. She became a + mystery of passion and dark beauty. She was the sin of the world. One + breathed her in the winds of the sea. She had taken to herself the + greatness of elemental things.... + </p> + <p> + So that when at last he saw her he was amazed to see her, and see that she + was just a creature of common size and quality, a rather tired and very + frightened-looking white-faced young woman, in an evening-dress of + unfamiliar fashion, with little common trinkets of gold and colour about + her wrists and neck. + </p> + <p> + In that instant's confrontation he forgot all that had brought him + homeward. He stared at her as one stares at a stranger whom one has + greeted in mistake for an intimate friend. + </p> + <p> + For he saw that she was no more the Amanda he hated and desired to kill + than she had ever been the Amanda he had loved. + </p> + <p> + 27 + </p> + <p> + He took them by surprise. It had been his intention to take them by + surprise. Such is the inelegance of the jealous state. + </p> + <p> + He reached London in the afternoon and put up at a hotel near Charing + Cross. In the evening about ten he appeared at the house in Lancaster + Gate. The butler was deferentially amazed. Mrs. Benham was, he said, at a + theatre with Sir Philip Easton, and he thought some other people also. He + did not know when she would be back. She might go on to supper. It was not + the custom for the servants to wait up for her. + </p> + <p> + Benham went into the study that reduplicated his former rooms in Finacue + Street and sat down before the fire the butler lit for him. He sent the + man to bed, and fell into profound meditation. + </p> + <p> + It was nearly two o'clock when he heard the sound of her latchkey and went + out at once upon the landing. + </p> + <p> + The half-door stood open and Easton's car was outside. She stood in the + middle of the hall and relieved Easton of the gloves and fan he was + carrying. + </p> + <p> + “Good-night,” she said, “I am so tired.” + </p> + <p> + “My wonderful goddess,” he said. + </p> + <p> + She yielded herself to his accustomed embrace, then started, stared, and + wrenched herself out of his arms. + </p> + <p> + Benham stood at the top of the stairs looking down upon them, white-faced + and inexpressive. Easton dropped back a pace. For a moment no one moved + nor spoke, and then very quietly Easton shut the half-door and shut out + the noises of the road. + </p> + <p> + For some seconds Benham regarded them, and as he did so his spirit + changed.... + </p> + <p> + Everything he had thought of saying and doing vanished out of his mind. + </p> + <p> + He stuck his hands into his pockets and descended the staircase. When he + was five or six steps above them, he spoke. “Just sit down here,” he said, + with a gesture of one hand, and sat down himself upon the stairs. “DO sit + down,” he said with a sudden testiness as they continued standing. “I know + all about this affair. Do please sit down and let us talk.... Everybody's + gone to bed long ago.” + </p> + <p> + “Cheetah!” she said. “Why have you come back like this?” + </p> + <p> + Then at his mute gesture she sat down at his feet. + </p> + <p> + “I wish you would sit down, Easton,” he said in a voice of subdued + savagery. + </p> + <p> + “Why have you come back?” Sir Philip Easton found his voice to ask. + </p> + <p> + “SIT down,” Benham spat, and Easton obeyed unwillingly. + </p> + <p> + “I came back,” Benham went on, “to see to all this. Why else? I don't—now + I see you—feel very fierce about it. But it has distressed me. You + look changed, Amanda, and fagged. And your hair is untidy. It's as if + something had happened to you and made you a stranger.... You two people + are lovers. Very natural and simple, but I want to get out of it. Yes, I + want to get out of it. That wasn't quite my idea, but now I see it is. + It's queer, but on the whole I feel sorry for you. All of us, poor humans—. + There's reason to be sorry for all of us. We're full of lusts and + uneasiness and resentments that we haven't the will to control. What do + you two people want me to do to you? Would you like a divorce, Amanda? + It's the clean, straight thing, isn't it? Or would the scandal hurt you?” + </p> + <p> + Amanda sat crouched together, with her eyes on Benham. + </p> + <p> + “Give us a divorce,” said Easton, looking to her to confirm him. + </p> + <p> + Amanda shook her head. + </p> + <p> + “I don't want a divorce,” she said. + </p> + <p> + “Then what do you want?” asked Benham with sudden asperity. + </p> + <p> + “I don't want a divorce,” she repeated. “Why do you, after a long silence, + come home like this, abruptly, with no notice?” + </p> + <p> + “It was the way it took me,” said Benham, after a little interval. + </p> + <p> + “You have left me for long months.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes. I was angry. And it was ridiculous to be angry. I thought I wanted + to kill you, and now I see you I see that all I want to do is to help you + out of this miserable mess—and then get away from you. You two would + like to marry. You ought to be married.” + </p> + <p> + “I would die to make Amanda happy,” said Easton. + </p> + <p> + “Your business, it seems to me, is to live to make her happy. That you may + find more of a strain. Less tragic and more tiresome. I, on the other + hand, want neither to die nor live for her.” Amanda moved sharply. “It's + extraordinary what amazing vapours a lonely man may get into his head. If + you don't want a divorce then I suppose things might go on as they are + now.” + </p> + <p> + “I hate things as they are now,” said Easton. “I hate this falsehood and + deception.” + </p> + <p> + “You would hate the scandal just as much,” said Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “I would not care what the scandal was unless it hurt you.” + </p> + <p> + “It would be only a temporary inconvenience,” said Benham. “Every one + would sympathize with you.... The whole thing is so natural.... People + would be glad to forget very soon. They did with my mother.” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Amanda, “it isn't so easy as that.” + </p> + <p> + She seemed to come to a decision. + </p> + <p> + “Pip,” she said. “I want to talk to—HIM—alone.” + </p> + <p> + Easton's brown eyes were filled with distress and perplexity. “But why?” + he asked. + </p> + <p> + “I do,” she said. + </p> + <p> + “But this is a thing for US.” + </p> + <p> + “Pip, I want to talk to him alone. There is something—something I + can't say before you....” + </p> + <p> + Sir Philip rose slowly to his feet. + </p> + <p> + “Shall I wait outside?” + </p> + <p> + “No, Pip. Go home. Yes,—there are some things you must leave to me.” + </p> + <p> + She stood up too and turned so that she and Benham both faced the younger + man. The strangest uneasiness mingled with his resolve to be at any cost + splendid. He felt—and it was a most unexpected and disconcerting + feeling—that he was no longer confederated with Amanda; that prior, + more fundamental and greater associations prevailed over his little new + grip upon her mind and senses. He stared at husband and wife aghast in + this realization. Then his resolute romanticism came to his help. “I would + trust you—” he began. “If you tell me to go—” + </p> + <p> + Amanda seemed to measure her hold upon him. + </p> + <p> + She laid her hand upon his arm. “Go, my dear Pip,” she said. “Go.” + </p> + <p> + He had a moment of hesitation, of anguish, and it seemed to Benham as + though he eked himself out with unreality, as though somewhen, somewhere, + he had seen something of the sort in a play and filled in a gap that + otherwise he could not have supplied. + </p> + <p> + Then the door had closed upon him, and Amanda, pale and darkly + dishevelled, faced her husband, silently and intensely. + </p> + <p> + “WELL?” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + She held out her arms to him. + </p> + <p> + “Why did you leave me, Cheetah? Why did you leave me?” + </p> + <p> + 28 + </p> + <p> + Benham affected to ignore those proffered arms. But they recalled in a + swift rush the animal anger that had brought him back to England. To + remind him of desire now was to revive an anger stronger than any desire. + He spoke seeking to hurt her. + </p> + <p> + “I am wondering now,” he said, “why the devil I came back.” + </p> + <p> + “You had to come back to me.” + </p> + <p> + “I could have written just as well about these things.” + </p> + <p> + “CHEETAH,” she said softly, and came towards him slowly, stooping forward + and looking into his eyes, “you had to come back to see your old Leopard. + Your wretched Leopard. Who has rolled in the dirt. And is still yours.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you want a divorce? How are we to fix things, Amanda?” + </p> + <p> + “Cheetah, I will tell you how we will fix things.” + </p> + <p> + She dropped upon the step below him. She laid her hands with a deliberate + softness upon him, she gave a toss so that her disordered hair was a + little more disordered, and brought her soft chin down to touch his knees. + Her eyes implored him. + </p> + <p> + “Cheetah,” she said. “You are going to forgive.” + </p> + <p> + He sat rigid, meeting her eyes. + </p> + <p> + “Amanda,” he said at last, “you would be astonished if I kicked you away + from me and trampled over you to the door. That is what I want to do.” + </p> + <p> + “Do it,” she said, and the grip of her hands tightened. “Cheetah, dear! I + would love you to kill me.” + </p> + <p> + “I don't want to kill you.” + </p> + <p> + Her eyes dilated. “Beat me.” + </p> + <p> + “And I haven't the remotest intention of making love to you,” he said, and + pushed her soft face and hands away from him as if he would stand up. + </p> + <p> + She caught hold of him again. “Stay with me,” she said. + </p> + <p> + He made no effort to shake off her grip. He looked at the dark cloud of + her hair that had ruled him so magically, and the memory of old delights + made him grip a great handful almost inadvertently as he spoke. “Dear + Leopard,” he said, “we humans are the most streaky of conceivable things. + I thought I hated you. I do. I hate you like poison. And also I do not + hate you at all.” + </p> + <p> + Then abruptly he was standing over her. + </p> + <p> + She rose to her knees. + </p> + <p> + “Stay here, old Cheetah!” she said. “This is your house. I am your wife.” + </p> + <p> + He went towards the unfastened front door. + </p> + <p> + “Cheetah!” she cried with a note of despair. + </p> + <p> + He halted at the door. + </p> + <p> + “Amanda, I will come to-morrow. I will come in the morning, in the sober + London daylight, and then we will settle things.” + </p> + <p> + He stared at her, and to her amazement he smiled. He spoke as one who + remarks upon a quite unexpected fact.... + </p> + <p> + “Never in my life, Amanda, have I seen a human being that I wanted so + little to kill.” + </p> + <p> + 29 + </p> + <p> + White found a fragment that might have been written within a week of those + last encounters of Benham and Amanda. + </p> + <p> + “The thing that astonished me most in Amanda was the change in her mental + quality. + </p> + <p> + “With me in the old days she had always been a sincere person; she had + deceived me about facts, but she had never deceived me about herself. Her + personal, stark frankness had been her essential strength. And it was + gone. I came back to find Amanda an accomplished actress, a thing of poses + and calculated effects. She was a surface, a sham, a Lorelei. Beneath that + surface I could not discover anything individual at all. Fear and a + grasping quality, such as God gave us all when he gave us hands; but the + individual I knew, the humorous wilful Spotless Leopard was gone. Whither, + I cannot imagine. An amazing disappearance. Clean out of space and time + like a soul lost for ever. + </p> + <p> + “When I went to see her in the morning, she was made up for a scene, she + acted an intricate part, never for a moment was she there in reality.... + </p> + <p> + “I have got a remarkable persuasion that she lost herself in this way, by + cheapening love, by making base love to a lover she despised.... There can + be no inequality in love. Give and take must balance. One must be one's + natural self or the whole business is an indecent trick, a vile use of + life! To use inferiors in love one must needs talk down to them, interpret + oneself in their insufficient phrases, pretend, sentimentalize. And it is + clear that unless oneself is to be lost, one must be content to leave + alone all those people that one can reach only by sentimentalizing. But + Amanda—and yet somehow I love her for it still—could not leave + any one alone. So she was always feverishly weaving nets of false + relationship. Until her very self was forgotten. So she will go on until + the end. With Easton it had been necessary for her to key herself to a + simple exalted romanticism that was entirely insincere. She had so + accustomed herself to these poses that her innate gestures were forgotten. + She could not recover them; she could not even reinvent them. Between us + there were momentary gleams as though presently we should be our frank + former selves again. They were never more than momentary....” + </p> + <p> + And that was all that this astonishing man had seen fit to tell of his + last parting from his wife. + </p> + <p> + Perhaps he did Amanda injustice. Perhaps there was a stronger thread of + reality in her desire to recover him than he supposed. Clearly he believed + that under the circumstances Amanda would have tried to recover anybody. + </p> + <p> + She had dressed for that morning's encounter in a very becoming and + intimate wrap of soft mauve and white silk, and she had washed and dried + her dark hair so that it was a vapour about her face. She set herself with + a single mind to persuade herself and Benham that they were inseparable + lovers, and she would not be deflected by his grim determination to + discuss the conditions of their separation. When he asked her whether she + wanted a divorce, she offered to throw over Sir Philip and banish him for + ever as lightly as a great lady might sacrifice an objectionable poodle to + her connubial peace. + </p> + <p> + Benham passed through perplexing phases, so that she herself began to feel + that her practice with Easton had spoilt her hands. His initial grimness + she could understand, and partially its breakdown into irritability. But + she was puzzled by his laughter. For he laughed abruptly. + </p> + <p> + “You know, Amanda, I came home in a mood of tremendous tragedy. And + really,—you are a Lark.” + </p> + <p> + And then overriding her altogether, he told her what he meant to do about + their future and the future of their little son. + </p> + <p> + “You don't want a divorce and a fuss. Then I'll leave things. I perceive + I've no intention of marrying any more. But you'd better do the straight + thing. People forget and forgive. Especially when there is no one about + making a fuss against you. + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps, after all, there is something to be said for shirking it. We'll + both be able to get at the boy then. You'll not hurt him, and I shall want + to see him. It's better for the boy anyhow not to have a divorce. + </p> + <p> + “I'll not stand in your way. I'll get a little flat and I shan't come too + much to London, and when I do, you can get out of town. You must be + discreet about Easton, and if people say anything about him, send them to + me. After all, this is our private affair. + </p> + <p> + “We'll go on about money matters as we have been going. I trust to you not + to run me into overwhelming debts. And, of course, if at any time, you do + want to marry—on account of children or anything—if nobody + knows of this conversation we can be divorced then....” + </p> + <p> + Benham threw out these decisions in little dry sentences while Amanda + gathered her forces for her last appeal. + </p> + <p> + It was an unsuccessful appeal, and at the end she flung herself down + before him and clung to his knees. He struggled ridiculously to get + himself clear, and when at last he succeeded she dropped prostrate on the + floor with her dishevelled hair about her. + </p> + <p> + She heard the door close behind him, and still she lay there, a dark + Guinevere, until with a start she heard a step upon the thick carpet + without. He had come back. The door reopened. There was a slight pause, + and then she raised her face and met the blank stare of the second + housemaid. There are moments, suspended fragments of time rather than + links in its succession, when the human eye is more intelligible than any + words. + </p> + <p> + The housemaid made a rapid apologetic noise and vanished with a click of + the door. + </p> + <p> + “DAMN!” said Amanda. + </p> + <p> + Then slowly she rose to her knees. + </p> + <p> + She meditated through vast moments. + </p> + <p> + “It's a cursed thing to be a woman,” said Amanda. She stood up. She put + her hand on the telephone in the corner and then she forgot about it. + After another long interval of thought she spoke. + </p> + <p> + “Cheetah!” she said, “Old Cheetah!... + </p> + <p> + “I didn't THINK it of you....” + </p> + <p> + Then presently with the even joyless movements of one who does a + reasonable business, with something indeed of the manner of one who packs + a trunk, she rang up Sir Philip Easton. + </p> + <p> + 30 + </p> + <p> + The head chambermaid on the first floor of the Westwood Hotel in Danebury + Street had a curious and perplexing glimpse of Benham's private processes + the morning after this affair. + </p> + <p> + Benham had taken Room 27 on the afternoon of his return to London. She had + seen him twice or three times, and he had struck her as a coldly decorous + person, tall, white-faced, slow speaking; the last man to behave violently + or surprise a head chambermaid in any way. On the morning of his departure + she was told by the first-floor waiter that the occupant of Room 26 had + complained of an uproar in the night, and almost immediately she was + summoned to see Benham. + </p> + <p> + He was standing facing the door and in a position which did a little + obscure the condition of the room behind him. He was carefully dressed, + and his manner was more cold and decorous than ever. But one of his hands + was tied up in a white bandage. + </p> + <p> + “I am going this morning,” he said, “I am going down now to breakfast. I + have had a few little accidents with some of the things in the room and I + have cut my hand. I want you to tell the manager and see that they are + properly charged for on the bill.... Thank you.” + </p> + <p> + The head chambermaid was left to consider the accidents. + </p> + <p> + Benham's things were all packed up and the room had an air of having been + straightened up neatly and methodically after a destructive cataclysm. One + or two items that the chambermaid might possibly have overlooked in the + normal course of things were carefully exhibited. For example, the sheet + had been torn into half a dozen strips and they were lying side by side on + the bed. The clock on the mantelpiece had been knocked into the fireplace + and then pounded to pieces. All the looking-glasses in the room were + smashed, apparently the electric lamp that stood on the night table by the + bedside had been wrenched off and flung or hammered about amidst the other + breakables. And there was a considerable amount of blood splashed about + the room. The head chambermaid felt unequal to the perplexities of the + spectacle and summoned her most convenient friend, the head chambermaid on + the third floor, to her aid. The first-floor waiter joined their + deliberations and several housemaids displayed a respectful interest in + the matter. Finally they invoked the manager. He was still contemplating + the scene of the disorder when the precipitate retreat of his subordinates + warned him of Benham's return. + </p> + <p> + Benham was smoking a cigarette and his bearing was reassuringly tranquil. + </p> + <p> + “I had a kind of nightmare,” he said. “I am fearfully sorry to have + disarranged your room. You must charge me for the inconvenience as well as + for the damage.” + </p> + <p> + 31 + </p> + <p> + “An aristocrat cannot be a lover.” + </p> + <p> + “One cannot serve at once the intricacies of the wider issues of life and + the intricacies of another human being. I do not mean that one may not + love. One loves the more because one does not concentrate one's love. One + loves nations, the people passing in the street, beasts hurt by the + wayside, troubled scoundrels and university dons in tears.... + </p> + <p> + “But if one does not give one's whole love and life into a woman's hands I + do not think one can expect to be loved. + </p> + <p> + “An aristocrat must do without close personal love....” + </p> + <p> + This much was written at the top of a sheet of paper. The writing ended + halfway down the page. Manifestly it was an abandoned beginning. And it + was, it seemed to White, the last page of all this confusion of matter + that dealt with the Second and Third Limitations. Its incompleteness made + its expression perfect.... + </p> + <p> + There Benham's love experience ended. He turned to the great business of + the world. Desire and Jealousy should deflect his life no more; like Fear + they were to be dismissed as far as possible and subdued when they could + not be altogether dismissed. Whatever stirrings of blood or imagination + there were in him after that parting, whatever failures from this + resolution, they left no trace on the rest of his research, which was + concerned with the hates of peoples and classes and war and peace and the + possibilities science unveils and starry speculations of what mankind may + do. + </p> + <p> + 32 + </p> + <p> + But Benham did not leave England again until he had had an encounter with + Lady Marayne. + </p> + <p> + The little lady came to her son in a state of extraordinary anger and + distress. Never had she seemed quite so resolute nor quite so hopelessly + dispersed and mixed. And when for a moment it seemed to him that she was + not as a matter of fact dispersed and mixed at all, then with an instant + eagerness he dismissed that one elucidatory gleam. “What are you doing in + England, Poff?” she demanded. “And what are you going to do? + </p> + <p> + “Nothing! And you are going to leave her in your house, with your property + and a lover. If that's it, Poff, why did you ever come back? And why did + you ever marry her? You might have known; her father was a swindler. She's + begotten of deceit. She'll tell her own story while you are away, and a + pretty story she'll make of it.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you want me to divorce her and make a scandal?” + </p> + <p> + “I never wanted you to go away from her. If you'd stayed and watched her + as a man should, as I begged you and implored you to do. Didn't I tell + you, Poff? Didn't I warn you?” + </p> + <p> + “But now what am I to do?” + </p> + <p> + “There you are! That's just a man's way. You get yourself into this + trouble, you follow your passions and your fancies and fads and then you + turn to me! How can I help you now, Poff? If you'd listened to me before!” + </p> + <p> + Her blue eyes were demonstratively round. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, but—” + </p> + <p> + “I warned you,” she interrupted. “I warned you. I've done all I could for + you. It isn't that I haven't seen through her. When she came to me at + first with that made-up story of a baby! And all about loving me like her + own mother. But I did what I could. I thought we might still make the best + of a bad job. And then—. I might have known she couldn't leave Pip + alone.... But for weeks I didn't dream. I wouldn't dream. Right under my + nose. The impudence of it!” + </p> + <p> + Her voice broke. “Such a horrid mess! Such a hopeless, horrid mess!” + </p> + <p> + She wiped away a bright little tear.... + </p> + <p> + “It's all alike. It's your way with us. All of you. There isn't a man in + the world deserves to have a woman in the world. We do all we can for you. + We do all we can to amuse you, we dress for you and we talk for you. All + the sweet, warm little women there are! And then you go away from us! + There never was a woman yet who pleased and satisfied a man, who did not + lose him. Give you everything and off you must go! Lovers, mothers....” + </p> + <p> + It dawned upon Benham dimly that his mother's troubles did not deal + exclusively with himself. + </p> + <p> + “But Amanda,” he began. + </p> + <p> + “If you'd looked after her properly, it would have been right enough. Pip + was as good as gold until she undermined him.... A woman can't wait about + like an umbrella in a stand.... He was just a boy.... Only of course there + she was—a novelty. It is perfectly easy to understand. She flattered + him.... Men are such fools.” + </p> + <p> + “Still—it's no good saying that now.” + </p> + <p> + “But she'll spend all your money, Poff! She'll break your back with debts. + What's to prevent her? With him living on her! For that's what it comes to + practically.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, what am I to do?” + </p> + <p> + “You aren't going back without tying her up, Poff? You ought to stop every + farthing of her money—every farthing. It's your duty.” + </p> + <p> + “I can't do things like that.” + </p> + <p> + “But have you no Shame? To let that sort of thing go on!” + </p> + <p> + “If I don't feel the Shame of it— And I don't.” + </p> + <p> + “And that money—. I got you that money, Poff! It was my money.” + </p> + <p> + Benham stared at her perplexed. “What am I to do?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “Cut her off, you silly boy! Tie her up! Pay her through a solicitor. Say + that if she sees him ONCE again—” + </p> + <p> + He reflected. “No,” he said at last. + </p> + <p> + “Poff!” she cried, “every time I see you, you are more and more like your + father. You're going off—just as he did. That baffled, MULISH look—priggish—solemn! + Oh! it's strange the stuff a poor woman has to bring into the world. But + you'll do nothing. I know you'll do nothing. You'll stand everything. You—you + Cuckold! And she'll drive by me, she'll pass me in theatres with the money + that ought to have been mine! Oh! Oh!” + </p> + <p> + She dabbed her handkerchief from one swimming eye to the other. But she + went on talking. Faster and faster, less and less coherently; more and + more wildly abusive. Presently in a brief pause of the storm Benham sighed + profoundly.... + </p> + <p> + It brought the scene to a painful end.... + </p> + <p> + For weeks her distress pursued and perplexed him. + </p> + <p> + He had an extraordinary persuasion that in some obscure way he was in + default, that he was to blame for her distress, that he owed her—he + could never define what he owed her. + </p> + <p> + And yet, what on earth was one to do? + </p> + <p> + And something his mother had said gave him the odd idea that he had + misjudged his father, that he had missed depths of perplexed and kindred + goodwill. He went down to see him before he returned to India. But if + there was a hidden well of feeling in Mr. Benham senior, it had been very + carefully boarded over. The parental mind and attention were entirely + engaged in a dispute in the SCHOOL WORLD about the heuristic method. + Somebody had been disrespectful to Martindale House and the thing was + rankling almost unendurably. It seemed to be a relief to him to show his + son very fully the essentially illogical position of his assailant. He was + entirely inattentive to Benham's carefully made conversational + opportunities. He would be silent at times while Benham talked and then he + would break out suddenly with: “What seems to me so unreasonable, so + ridiculous, in the whole of that fellow's second argument—if one can + call it an argument—.... A man who reasons as he does is bound to + get laughed at. If people will only see it....” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THE SIXTH ~~ THE NEW HAROUN AL RASCHID + </h2> + <p> + 1 + </p> + <p> + Benham corresponded with Amanda until the summer of 1913. Sometimes the + two wrote coldly to one another, sometimes with warm affection, sometimes + with great bitterness. When he met White in Johannesburg during the strike + period of 1913, he was on his way to see her in London and to settle their + relationship upon a new and more definite footing. It was her suggestion + that they should meet. + </p> + <p> + About her he felt an enormous, inexorable, dissatisfaction. He could not + persuade himself that his treatment of her and that his relations to her + squared with any of his preconceptions of nobility, and yet at no precise + point could he detect where he had definitely taken an ignoble step. + Through Amanda he was coming to the full experience of life. Like all of + us he had been prepared, he had prepared himself, to take life in a + certain way, and life had taken him, as it takes all of us, in an entirely + different and unexpected way.... He had been ready for noble deeds and + villainies, for achievements and failures, and here as the dominant fact + of his personal life was a perplexing riddle. He could not hate and + condemn her for ten minutes at a time without a flow of exoneration; he + could not think of her tolerantly or lovingly without immediate shame and + resentment, and with the utmost will in the world he could not banish her + from his mind. + </p> + <p> + During the intervening years he had never ceased to have her in his mind; + he would not think of her it is true if he could help it, but often he + could not help it, and as a negative presence, as a thing denied, she was + almost more potent than she had been as a thing accepted. Meanwhile he + worked. His nervous irritability increased, but it did not hinder the + steady development of his Research. + </p> + <p> + Long before his final parting from Amanda he had worked out his idea and + method for all the more personal problems in life; the problems he put + together under his headings of the first three “Limitations.” He had + resolved to emancipate himself from fear, indulgence, and that instinctive + preoccupation with the interests and dignity of self which he chose to + term Jealousy, and with the one tremendous exception of Amanda he had to a + large extent succeeded. Amanda. Amanda. Amanda. He stuck the more grimly + to his Research to drown that beating in his brain. + </p> + <p> + Emancipation from all these personal things he held now to be a mere + prelude to the real work of a man's life, which was to serve this dream of + a larger human purpose. The bulk of his work was to discover and define + that purpose, that purpose which must be the directing and comprehending + form of all the activities of the noble life. One cannot be noble, he had + come to perceive, at large; one must be noble to an end. To make human + life, collectively and in detail, a thing more comprehensive, more + beautiful, more generous and coherent than it is to-day seemed to him the + fundamental intention of all nobility. He believed more and more firmly + that the impulses to make and help and subserve great purposes are + abundantly present in the world, that they are inhibited by hasty + thinking, limited thinking and bad thinking, and that the real ennoblement + of human life was not so much a creation as a release. He lumped the + preventive and destructive forces that keep men dispersed, unhappy, and + ignoble under the heading of Prejudice, and he made this Prejudice his + fourth and greatest and most difficult limitation. In one place he had + written it, “Prejudice or Divisions.” That being subdued in oneself and in + the world, then in the measure of its subjugation, the new life of our + race, the great age, the noble age, would begin. + </p> + <p> + So he set himself to examine his own mind and the mind of the world about + him for prejudice, for hampering follies, disguised disloyalties and + mischievous distrusts, and the great bulk of the papers that White + struggled with at Westhaven Street were devoted to various aspects of this + search for “Prejudice.” It seemed to White to be at once the most + magnificent and the most preposterous of enterprises. It was indeed no + less than an enquiry into all the preventable sources of human failure and + disorder.... And it was all too manifest to White also that the last place + in which Benham was capable of detecting a prejudice was at the back of + his own head. + </p> + <p> + Under this Fourth Limitation he put the most remarkable array of + influences, race-hatred, national suspicion, the evil side of patriotism, + religious and social intolerance, every social consequence of muddle + headedness, every dividing force indeed except the purely personal + dissensions between man and man. And he developed a metaphysical + interpretation of these troubles. “No doubt,” he wrote in one place, “much + of the evil between different kinds of men is due to uncultivated feeling, + to natural bad feeling, but far more is it due to bad thinking.” At times + he seemed on the verge of the persuasion that most human trouble is really + due to bad metaphysics. It was, one must remark, an extraordinary journey + he had made; he had started from chivalry and arrived at metaphysics; + every knight he held must be a logician, and ultimate bravery is courage + of the mind. One thinks of his coming to this conclusion with knit brows + and balancing intentness above whole gulfs of bathos—very much as he + had once walked the Leysin Bisse.... + </p> + <p> + “Men do not know how to think,” he insisted—getting along the + planks; “and they will not realize that they do not know how to think. + Nine-tenths of the wars in the world have arisen out of misconceptions.... + Misconception is the sin and dishonour of the mind, and muddled thinking + as ignoble as dirty conduct.... Infinitely more disastrous.” + </p> + <p> + And again he wrote: “Man, I see, is an over-practical creature, too eager + to get into action. There is our deepest trouble. He takes conclusions + ready-made, or he makes them in a hurry. Life is so short that he thinks + it better to err than wait. He has no patience, no faith in anything but + himself. He thinks he is a being when in reality he is only a link in a + being, and so he is more anxious to be complete than right. The last + devotion of which he is capable is that devotion of the mind which suffers + partial performance, but insists upon exhaustive thought. He scamps his + thought and finishes his performance, and before he is dead it is already + being abandoned and begun all over again by some one else in the same + egotistical haste....” + </p> + <p> + It is, I suppose, a part of the general humour of life that these words + should have been written by a man who walked the plank to fresh ideas with + the dizziest difficulty unless he had Prothero to drag him forward, and + who acted time after time with an altogether disastrous hastiness. + </p> + <p> + 2 + </p> + <p> + Yet there was a kind of necessity in this journey of Benham's from the + cocked hat and wooden sword of Seagate and his early shame at cowardice + and baseness to the spiritual megalomania of his complete Research + Magnificent. You can no more resolve to live a life of honour nowadays and + abstain from social and political scheming on a world-wide scale, than you + can profess religion and refuse to think about God. In the past it was + possible to take all sorts of things for granted and be loyal to + unexamined things. One could be loyal to unexamined things because they + were unchallenged things. But now everything is challenged. By the time of + his second visit to Russia, Benham's ideas of conscious and deliberate + aristocracy reaching out to an idea of universal responsibility had + already grown into the extraordinary fantasy that he was, as it were, an + uncrowned king in the world. To be noble is to be aristocratic, that is to + say, a ruler. Thence it follows that aristocracy is multiple kingship, and + to be an aristocrat is to partake both of the nature of philosopher and + king.... + </p> + <p> + Yet it is manifest that the powerful people of this world are by no means + necessarily noble, and that most modern kings, poor in quality, petty in + spirit, conventional in outlook, controlled and limited, fall far short of + kingship. Nevertheless, there IS nobility, there IS kingship, or this + earth is a dustbin and mankind but a kind of skin-disease upon a planet. + From that it is an easy step to this idea, the idea whose first expression + had already so touched the imagination of Amanda, of a sort of diffused + and voluntary kingship scattered throughout mankind. The aristocrats are + not at the high table, the kings are not enthroned, those who are + enthroned are but pretenders and SIMULACRA, kings of the vulgar; the real + king and ruler is every man who sets aside the naive passions and + self-interest of the common life for the rule and service of the world. + </p> + <p> + This is an idea that is now to be found in much contemporary writing. It + is one of those ideas that seem to appear simultaneously at many points in + the world, and it is impossible to say now how far Benham was an + originator of this idea, and how far he simply resonated to its expression + by others. It was far more likely that Prothero, getting it heaven knows + where, had spluttered it out and forgotten it, leaving it to germinate in + the mind of his friend.... + </p> + <p> + This lordly, this kingly dream became more and more essential to Benham as + his life went on. When Benham walked the Bisse he was just a youngster + resolved to be individually brave; when he prowled in the jungle by night + he was there for all mankind. With every year he became more and more + definitely to himself a consecrated man as kings are consecrated. Only + that he was self-consecrated, and anointed only in his heart. At last he + was, so to speak, Haroun al Raschid again, going unsuspected about the + world, because the palace of his security would not tell him the secrets + of men's disorders. He was no longer a creature of circumstances, he was + kingly, unknown, Alfred in the Camp of the Danes. In the great later + accumulations of his Research the personal matter, the introspection, the + intimate discussion of motive, becomes less and less. He forgets himself + in the exaltation of kingliness. He worries less and less over the + particular rightness of his definite acts. In these later papers White + found Benham abstracted, self-forgetful, trying to find out with an ever + increased self-detachment, with an ever deepening regal solicitude, why + there are massacres, wars, tyrannies and persecutions, why we let famine, + disease and beasts assail us, and want dwarf and cripple vast multitudes + in the midst of possible plenty. And when he found out and as far as he + found out, he meant quite simply and earnestly to apply his knowledge.... + </p> + <p> + 3 + </p> + <p> + The intellectualism of Benham intensified to the end. His definition of + Prejudice impressed White as being the most bloodless and philosophical + formula that ever dominated the mind of a man. + </p> + <p> + “Prejudice,” Benham had written, “is that common incapacity of the human + mind to understand that a difference in any respect is not a difference in + all respects, reinforced and rendered malignant by an instinctive + hostility to what is unlike ourselves. We exaggerate classification and + then charge it with mischievous emotion by referring it to ourselves.” And + under this comprehensive formula he proceeded to study and attack Family + Prejudice, National Prejudice, Race Prejudice, War, Class Prejudice, + Professional Prejudice, Sex Prejudice, in the most industrious and + elaborate manner. Whether one regards one's self or others he held that + these prejudices are evil things. “From the point of view of human welfare + they break men up into wars and conflicts, make them an easy prey to those + who trade upon suspicion and hostility, prevent sane collective + co-operations, cripple and embitter life. From the point of view of + personal aristocracy they make men vulgar, violent, unjust and futile. All + the conscious life of the aristocrat must be a constant struggle against + false generalizations; it is as much his duty to free himself from that as + from fear, indulgence, and jealousy; it is a larger and more elaborate + task, but it is none the less cardinal and essential. Indeed it is more + cardinal and essential. The true knight has to be not only no coward, no + self-pamperer, no egotist. He has to be a philosopher. He has to be no + hasty or foolish thinker. His judgment no more than his courage is to be + taken by surprise. + </p> + <p> + “To subdue fear, desire and jealousy, is the aristocrat's personal affair, + it is his ritual and discipline, like a knight watching his arms; but the + destruction of division and prejudice and all their forms and + establishments, is his real task, that is the common work of knighthood. + It is a task to be done in a thousand ways; one man working by persuasion, + another by example, this one overthrowing some crippling restraint upon + the freedom of speech and the spread of knowledge, and that preparing + himself for a war that will shatter a tyrannous presumption. Most + imaginative literature, all scientific investigation, all sound criticism, + all good building, all good manufacture, all sound politics, every honesty + and every reasoned kindliness contribute to this release of men from the + heat and confusions of our present world.” + </p> + <p> + It was clear to White that as Benham progressed with this major part of + his research, he was more and more possessed by the idea that he was not + making his own personal research alone, but, side by side with a vast, + masked, hidden and once unsuspected multitude of others; that this great + idea of his was under kindred forms the great idea of thousands, that it + was breaking as the dawn breaks, simultaneously to great numbers of + people, and that the time was not far off when the new aristocracy, the + disguised rulers of the world, would begin to realize their common bent + and effort. Into these latter papers there creeps more and more frequently + a new phraseology, such expressions as the “Invisible King” and the + “Spirit of Kingship,” so that as Benham became personally more and more + solitary, his thoughts became more and more public and social. + </p> + <p> + Benham was not content to define and denounce the prejudices of mankind. + He set himself to study just exactly how these prejudices worked, to get + at the nature and habits and strengths of each kind of prejudice, and to + devise means for its treatment, destruction or neutralization. He had no + great faith in the power of pure reasonableness; his psychological ideas + were modern, and he had grasped the fact that the power of most of the + great prejudices that strain humanity lies deeper than the intellectual + level. Consequently he sought to bring himself into the closest contact + with prejudices in action and prejudices in conflict in order to discover + their sub-rational springs. + </p> + <p> + A large proportion of that larger moiety of the material at Westhaven + Street which White from his extensive experience of the public patience + decided could not possibly “make a book,” consisted of notes and + discussions upon the first-hand observations Benham had made in this or + that part of the world. He began in Russia during the revolutionary + trouble of 1906, he went thence to Odessa, and from place to place in + Bessarabia and Kieff, where during a pogrom he had his first really + illuminating encounter with race and culture prejudice. His examination of + the social and political condition of Russia seems to have left him much + more hopeful than was the common feeling of liberal-minded people during + the years of depression that followed the revolution of 1906, and it was + upon the race question that his attention concentrated. + </p> + <p> + The Swadeshi outbreak drew him from Russia to India. Here in an entirely + different environment was another discord of race and culture, and he + found in his study of it much that illuminated and corrected his + impressions of the Russian issue. A whole drawer was devoted to a + comparatively finished and very thorough enquiry into human dissensions in + lower Bengal. Here there were not only race but culture conflicts, and he + could work particularly upon the differences between men of the same race + who were Hindus, Christians and Mahometans respectively. He could compare + the Bengali Mahometan not only with the Bengali Brahminist, but also with + the Mahometan from the north-west. “If one could scrape off all the creed + and training, would one find much the same thing at the bottom, or + something fundamentally so different that no close homogeneous social life + and not even perhaps a life of just compromise is possible between the + different races of mankind?” + </p> + <p> + His answer to that was a confident one. “There are no such natural and + unalterable differences in character and quality between any two sorts of + men whatever, as would make their peaceful and kindly co-operation in the + world impossible,” he wrote. + </p> + <p> + But he was not satisfied with his observations in India. He found the + prevalence of caste ideas antipathetic and complicating. He went on after + his last parting from Amanda into China, it was the first of several + visits to China, and thence he crossed to America. White found a number of + American press-cuttings of a vehemently anti-Japanese quality still + awaiting digestion in a drawer, and it was clear to him that Benham had + given a considerable amount of attention to the development of the “white” + and “yellow” race hostility on the Pacific slope; but his chief interest + at that time had been the negro. He went to Washington and thence south; + he visited Tuskegee and Atlanta, and then went off at a tangent to Hayti. + He was drawn to Hayti by Hesketh Pritchard's vivid book, WHERE BLACK RULES + WHITE, and like Hesketh Pritchard he was able to visit that wonderful + monument to kingship, the hidden fastness of La Ferriere, the citadel + built a century ago by the “Black Napoleon,” the Emperor Christophe. He + went with a young American demonstrator from Harvard. + </p> + <p> + 4 + </p> + <p> + It was a memorable excursion. They rode from Cap Haytien for a day's + journey along dusty uneven tracks through a steaming plain of luxurious + vegetation, that presented the strangest mixture of unbridled jungle with + populous country. They passed countless villages of thatched huts alive + with curiosity and swarming with naked black children, and yet all the + time they seemed to be in a wilderness. They forded rivers, they had at + times to force themselves through thickets, once or twice they lost their + way, and always ahead of them, purple and sullen, the great mountain peak + with La Ferriere upon its crest rose slowly out of the background until it + dominated the landscape. Long after dark they blundered upon rather than + came to the village at its foot where they were to pass the night. They + were interrogated under a flaring torch by peering ragged black soldiers, + and passed through a firelit crowd into the presence of the local + commandant to dispute volubly about their right to go further. They might + have been in some remote corner of Nigeria. Their papers, laboriously got + in order, were vitiated by the fact, which only became apparent by + degrees, that the commandant could not read. They carried their point with + difficulty. + </p> + <p> + But they carried their point, and, watched and guarded by a hungry + half-naked negro in a kepi and the remains of a sky-blue pair of trousers, + they explored one of the most exemplary memorials of imperialism that + humanity has ever made. The roads and parks and prospects constructed by + this vanished Emperor of Hayti, had long since disappeared, and the three + men clambered for hours up ravines and precipitous jungle tracks, + occasionally crossing the winding traces of a choked and ruined road that + had once been the lordly approach to his fastness. Below they passed an + abandoned palace of vast extent, a palace with great terraces and the + still traceable outline of gardens, though there were green things pushing + between the terrace steps, and trees thrust out of the empty windows. Here + from a belvedere of which the skull-like vestige still remained, the negro + Emperor Christophe, after fourteen years of absolute rule, had watched for + a time the smoke of the burning of his cane-fields in the plain below, and + then, learning that his bodyguard had deserted him, had gone in and blown + out his brains. + </p> + <p> + He had christened the place after the best of examples, “Sans Souci.” + </p> + <p> + But the citadel above, which was to have been his last defence, he never + used. The defection of his guards made him abandon that. To build it, they + say, cost Hayti thirty thousand lives. He had the true Imperial + lavishness. So high it was, so lost in a wilderness of trees and bush, + looking out over a land relapsed now altogether to a barbarism of patch + and hovel, so solitary and chill under the tropical sky—for even the + guards who still watched over its suspected treasures feared to live in + its ghostly galleries and had made hovels outside its walls—and at + the same time so huge and grandiose—there were walls thirty feet + thick, galleries with scores of rust-eaten cannon, circular dining-halls, + king's apartments and queen's apartments, towering battlements and great + arched doorways—that it seemed to Benham to embody the power and + passing of that miracle of human history, tyranny, the helpless bowing of + multitudes before one man and the transitoriness of such glories, more + completely than anything he had ever seen or imagined in the world before. + Beneath the battlements—they are choked above with jungle grass and + tamarinds and many flowery weeds—the precipice fell away a sheer two + thousand feet, and below spread a vast rich green plain populous and + diversified, bounded at last by the blue sea, like an amethystine wall. + Over this precipice Christophe was wont to fling his victims, and below + this terrace were bottle-shaped dungeons where men, broken and torn, + thrust in at the neck-like hole above, starved and died: it was his + headquarters here, here he had his torture chambers and the means for + nameless cruelties.... + </p> + <p> + “Not a hundred years ago,” said Benham's companion, and told the story of + the disgraced favourite, the youth who had offended. + </p> + <p> + “Leap,” said his master, and the poor hypnotized wretch, after one + questioning glance at the conceivable alternatives, made his last gesture + of servility, and then stood out against the sky, swayed, and with a + convulsion of resolve, leapt and shot headlong down through the shimmering + air. + </p> + <p> + Came presently the little faint sound of his fall. + </p> + <p> + The Emperor satisfied turned away, unmindful of the fact that this + projectile he had launched had caught among the bushes below, and + presently struggled and found itself still a living man. It could scramble + down to the road and, what is more wonderful, hope for mercy. An hour and + it stood before Christophe again, with an arm broken and bloody and a face + torn, a battered thing now but with a faint flavour of pride in its + bearing. “Your bidding has been done, Sire,” it said. + </p> + <p> + “So,” said the Emperor, unappeased. “And you live? Well— Leap + again....” + </p> + <p> + And then came other stories. The young man told them as he had heard them, + stories of ferocious wholesale butcheries, of men standing along the walls + of the banqueting chamber to be shot one by one as the feast went on, of + exquisite and terrifying cruelties, and his one note of wonder, his + refrain was, “HERE! Not a hundred years ago.... It makes one almost + believe that somewhere things of this sort are being done now.” + </p> + <p> + They ate their lunch together amidst the weedy flowery ruins. The lizards + which had fled their coming crept out again to bask in the sunshine. The + soldier-guide and guard scrabbled about with his black fingers in the + ruinous and rifled tomb of Christophe in a search for some saleable + memento.... + </p> + <p> + Benham sat musing in silence. The thought of deliberate cruelty was always + an actual physical distress to him. He sat bathed in the dreamy afternoon + sunlight and struggled against the pictures that crowded into his mind, + pictures of men aghast at death, and of fear-driven men toiling in agony, + and of the shame of extorted obedience and of cringing and crawling black + figures, and the defiance of righteous hate beaten down under blow and + anguish. He saw eyes alight with terror and lips rolled back in agony, he + saw weary hopeless flight before striding proud destruction, he saw the + poor trampled mangled dead, and he shivered in his soul.... + </p> + <p> + He hated Christophe and all that made Christophe; he hated pride, and then + the idea came to him that it is not pride that makes Christophes but + humility. + </p> + <p> + There is in the medley of man's composition, deeper far than his + superficial working delusion that he is a separated self-seeking + individual, an instinct for cooperation and obedience. Every natural sane + man wants, though he may want it unwittingly, kingly guidance, a definite + direction for his own partial life. At the bottom of his heart he feels, + even if he does not know it definitely, that his life is partial. He is + driven to join himself on. He obeys decision and the appearance of + strength as a horse obeys its rider's voice. One thinks of the pride, the + uncontrolled frantic will of this black ape of all Emperors, and one + forgets the universal docility that made him possible. Usurpation is a + crime to which men are tempted by human dirigibility. It is the orderly + peoples who create tyrants, and it is not so much restraint above as stiff + insubordination below that has to be taught to men. There are kings and + tyrannies and imperialisms, simply because of the unkingliness of men. + </p> + <p> + And as he sat upon the battlements of La Ferriere, Benham cast off from + his mind his last tolerance for earthly kings and existing States, and + expounded to another human being for the first time this long-cherished + doctrine of his of the Invisible King who is the lord of human destiny, + the spirit of nobility, who will one day take the sceptre and rule the + earth.... To the young American's naive American response to any simply + felt emotion, he seemed with his white earnestness and his glowing eyes a + veritable prophet.... + </p> + <p> + “This is the root idea of aristocracy,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + “I have never heard the underlying spirit of democracy, the real true + Thing in democracy, so thoroughly expressed,” said the young American. + </p> + <p> + 5 + </p> + <p> + Benham's notes on race and racial cultures gave White tantalizing glimpses + of a number of picturesque experiences. The adventure in Kieff had first + roused Benham to the reality of racial quality. He was caught in the + wheels of a pogrom. + </p> + <p> + “Before that time I had been disposed to minimize and deny race. I still + think it need not prevent men from the completest social co-operation, but + I see now better than I did how difficult it is for any man to purge from + his mind the idea that he is not primarily a Jew, a Teuton, or a Kelt, but + a man. You can persuade any one in five minutes that he or she belongs to + some special and blessed and privileged sort of human being; it takes a + lifetime to destroy that persuasion. There are these confounded + differences of colour, of eye and brow, of nose or hair, small differences + in themselves except that they give a foothold and foundation for + tremendous fortifications of prejudice and tradition, in which hostilities + and hatreds may gather. When I think of a Jew's nose, a Chinaman's eyes or + a negro's colour I am reminded of that fatal little pit which nature has + left in the vermiform appendix, a thing no use in itself and of no + significance, but a gathering-place for mischief. The extremest case of + race-feeling is the Jewish case, and even here, I am convinced, it is the + Bible and the Talmud and the exertions of those inevitable professional + champions who live upon racial feeling, far more than their common + distinction of blood, which holds this people together banded against + mankind.” + </p> + <p> + Between the lines of such general propositions as this White read little + scraps of intimation that linked with the things Benham let fall in + Johannesburg to reconstruct the Kieff adventure. + </p> + <p> + Benham had been visiting a friend in the country on the further side of + the Dnieper. As they drove back along dusty stretches of road amidst + fields of corn and sunflower and through bright little villages, they saw + against the evening blue under the full moon a smoky red glare rising from + amidst the white houses and dark trees of the town. “The pogrom's begun,” + said Benham's friend, and was surprised when Benham wanted to end a + pleasant day by going to see what happens after the beginning of a pogrom. + </p> + <p> + He was to have several surprises before at last he left Benham in disgust + and went home by himself. + </p> + <p> + For Benham, with that hastiness that so flouted his exalted theories, + passed rapidly from an attitude of impartial enquiry to active + intervention. The two men left their carriage and plunged into the network + of unlovely dark streets in which the Jews and traders harboured.... + Benham's first intervention was on behalf of a crouching and yelping + bundle of humanity that was being dragged about and kicked at a street + corner. The bundle resolved itself into a filthy little old man, and made + off with extraordinary rapidity, while Benham remonstrated with the + kickers. Benham's tallness, his very Gentile face, his good clothes, and + an air of tense authority about him had its effect, and the kickers + shuffled off with remarks that were partly apologies. But Benham's friend + revolted. This was no business of theirs. + </p> + <p> + Benham went on unaccompanied towards the glare of the burning houses. + </p> + <p> + For a time he watched. Black figures moved between him and the glare, and + he tried to find out the exact nature of the conflict by enquiries in + clumsy Russian. He was told that the Jews had insulted a religious + procession, that a Jew had spat at an ikon, that the shop of a cheating + Jew trader had been set on fire, and that the blaze had spread to the + adjacent group of houses. He gathered that the Jews were running out of + the burning block on the other side “like rats.” The crowd was mostly + composed of town roughs with a sprinkling of peasants. They were + mischievous but undecided. Among them were a number of soldiers, and he + was surprised to see a policemen, brightly lit from head to foot, watching + the looting of a shop that was still untouched by the flames. + </p> + <p> + He held back some men who had discovered a couple of women's figures + slinking along in the shadow beneath a wall. Behind his remonstrances the + Jewesses escaped. His anger against disorder was growing upon him.... + </p> + <p> + Late that night Benham found himself the leading figure amidst a party of + Jews who had made a counter attack upon a gang of roughs in a court that + had become the refuge of a crowd of fugitives. Some of the young Jewish + men had already been making a fight, rather a poor and hopeless fight, + from the windows of the house near the entrance of the court, but it is + doubtful if they would have made an effective resistance if it had not + been for this tall excited stranger who was suddenly shouting directions + to them in sympathetically murdered Russian. It was not that he brought + powerful blows or subtle strategy to their assistance, but that he put + heart into them and perplexity into his adversaries because he was so + manifestly non-partizan. Nobody could ever have mistaken Benham for a Jew. + When at last towards dawn a not too zealous governor called out the troops + and began to clear the streets of rioters, Benham and a band of Jews were + still keeping the gateway of that court behind a hasty but adequate + barricade of furniture and handbarrows. + </p> + <p> + The ghetto could not understand him, nobody could understand him, but it + was clear a rare and precious visitor had come to their rescue, and he was + implored by a number of elderly, dirty, but very intelligent-looking old + men to stay with them and preserve them until their safety was assured. + </p> + <p> + They could not understand him, but they did their utmost to entertain him + and assure him of their gratitude. They seemed to consider him as a + representative of the British Government, and foreign intervention on + their behalf is one of those unfortunate fixed ideas that no persecuted + Jews seem able to abandon. + </p> + <p> + Benham found himself, refreshed and tended, sitting beside a wood fire in + an inner chamber richly flavoured by humanity and listening to a discourse + in evil but understandable German. It was a discourse upon the wrongs and + the greatness of the Jewish people—and it was delivered by a compact + middle-aged man with a big black beard and long-lashed but animated eyes. + Beside him a very old man dozed and nodded approval. A number of other men + crowded the apartment, including several who had helped to hold off the + rioters from the court. Some could follow the talk and ever again endorsed + the speaker in Yiddish or Russian; others listened with tantalized + expressions, their brows knit, their lips moving. + </p> + <p> + It was a discourse Benham had provoked. For now he was at the very heart + of the Jewish question, and he could get some light upon the mystery of + this great hatred at first hand. He did not want to hear tales of + outrages, of such things he knew, but he wanted to understand what was the + irritation that caused these things. + </p> + <p> + So he listened. The Jew dilated at first on the harmlessness and + usefulness of the Jews. + </p> + <p> + “But do you never take a certain advantage?” Benham threw out. + </p> + <p> + “The Jews are cleverer than the Russians. Must we suffer for that?” + </p> + <p> + The spokesman went on to the more positive virtues of his race. Benham + suddenly had that uncomfortable feeling of the Gentile who finds a bill + being made against him. Did the world owe Israel nothing for Philo, Aron + ben Asher, Solomon Gabriol, Halevy, Mendelssohn, Heine, Meyerbeer, + Rubinstein, Joachim, Zangwill? Does Britain owe nothing to Lord + Beaconsfield, Montefiore or the Rothschilds? Can France repudiate her debt + to Fould, Gaudahaux, Oppert, or Germany to Furst, Steinschneider, + Herxheimer, Lasker, Auerbach, Traube and Lazarus and Benfey?... + </p> + <p> + Benham admitted under the pressure of urgent tones and gestures that these + names did undoubtedly include the cream of humanity, but was it not true + that the Jews did press a little financially upon the inferior peoples + whose lands they honoured in their exile? + </p> + <p> + The man with the black beard took up the challenge bravely. + </p> + <p> + “They are merciful creditors,” he said. “And it is their genius to possess + and control. What better stewards could you find for the wealth of nations + than the Jews? And for the honours? That always had been the role of the + Jews—stewardship. Since the days of Joseph in Egypt....” + </p> + <p> + Then in a lower voice he went on to speak of the deficiencies of the + Gentile population. He wished to be just and generous but the truth was + the truth. The Christian Russians loved drink and laziness; they had no + sense of property; were it not for unjust laws even now the Jews would + possess all the land of South Russia.... + </p> + <p> + Benham listened with a kind of fascination. “But,” he said. + </p> + <p> + It was so. And with a confidence that aroused a protest or so from the + onlookers, the Jewish apologist suddenly rose up, opened a safe close + beside the fire and produced an armful of documents. + </p> + <p> + “Look!” he said, “all over South Russia there are these!” + </p> + <p> + Benham was a little slow to understand, until half a dozen of these papers + had been thrust into his hand. Eager fingers pointed, and several voices + spoke. These things were illegalities that might some day be legal; there + were the records of loans and hidden transactions that might at any time + put all the surrounding soil into the hands of the Jew. All South Russia + was mortgaged.... + </p> + <p> + “But is it so?” asked Benham, and for a time ceased to listen and stared + into the fire. + </p> + <p> + Then he held up the papers in his hand to secure silence and, feeling his + way in unaccustomed German, began to speak and continued to speak in spite + of a constant insurgent undertone of interruption from the Jewish + spokesman. + </p> + <p> + All men, Benham said, were brothers. Did they not remember Nathan the + Wise? + </p> + <p> + “I did not claim him,” said the spokesman, misunderstanding. “He is a + character in fiction.” + </p> + <p> + But all men are brothers, Benham maintained. They had to be merciful to + one another and give their gifts freely to one another. Also they had to + consider each other's weaknesses. The Jews were probably justified in + securing and administering the property of every community into which they + came, they were no doubt right in claiming to be best fitted for that + task, but also they had to consider, perhaps more than they did, the + feelings and vanities of the host population into which they brought these + beneficent activities. What was said of the ignorance, incapacity and vice + of the Roumanians and Russians was very generally believed and accepted, + but it did not alter the fact that the peasant, for all his incapacity, + did like to imagine he owned his own patch and hovel and did have a + curious irrational hatred of debt.... + </p> + <p> + The faces about Benham looked perplexed. + </p> + <p> + “THIS,” said Benham, tapping the papers in his hand. “They will not + understand the ultimate benefit of it. It will be a source of anger and + fresh hostility. It does not follow because your race has supreme + financial genius that you must always follow its dictates to the exclusion + of other considerations....” + </p> + <p> + The perplexity increased. + </p> + <p> + Benham felt he must be more general. He went on to emphasize the + brotherhood of man, the right to equal opportunity, equal privilege, + freedom to develop their idiosyncrasies as far as possible, unhindered by + the idiosyncrasies of others. He could feel the sympathy and understanding + of his hearers returning. “You see,” said Benham, “you must have + generosity. You must forget ancient scores. Do you not see the world must + make a fresh beginning?” + </p> + <p> + He was entirely convinced he had them with him. The heads nodded assent, + the bright eyes and lips followed the slow disentanglement of his bad + German. + </p> + <p> + “Free yourselves and the world,” he said. + </p> + <p> + Applause. + </p> + <p> + “And so,” he said breaking unconsciously into English, “let us begin by + burning these BEASTLY mortgages!” + </p> + <p> + And with a noble and dramatic gesture Benham cast his handful on the fire. + The assenting faces became masks of horror. A score of hands clutched at + those precious papers, and a yell of dismay and anger filled the room. + Some one caught at his throat from behind. “Don't kill him!” cried some + one. “He fought for us!” + </p> + <p> + 6 + </p> + <p> + An hour later Benham returned in an extraordinarily dishevelled and + battered condition to his hotel. He found his friend in anxious + consultation with the hotel proprietor. + </p> + <p> + “We were afraid that something had happened to you,” said his friend. + </p> + <p> + “I got a little involved,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + “Hasn't some one clawed your cheek?” + </p> + <p> + “Very probably,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + “And torn your coat? And hit you rather heavily upon the neck?” + </p> + <p> + “It was a complicated misunderstanding,” said Benham. “Oh! pardon! I'm + rather badly bruised upon that arm you're holding.” + </p> + <p> + 7 + </p> + <p> + Benham told the story to White as a jest against himself. + </p> + <p> + “I see now of course that they could not possibly understand my point of + view,” he said.... + </p> + <p> + “I'm not sure if they quite followed my German.... + </p> + <p> + “It's odd, too, that I remember saying, 'Let's burn these mortgages,' and + at the time I'm almost sure I didn't know the German for mortgage....” + </p> + <p> + It was not the only occasion on which other people had failed to grasp the + full intention behind Benham's proceedings. His aristocratic impulses were + apt to run away with his conceptions of brotherhood, and time after time + it was only too manifest to White that Benham's pallid flash of anger had + astonished the subjects of his disinterested observations extremely. His + explorations in Hayti had been terminated abruptly by an affair with a + native policeman that had necessitated the intervention of the British + Consul. It was begun with that suddenness that was too often + characteristic of Benham, by his hitting the policeman. It was in the main + street of Cap Haytien, and the policeman had just clubbed an unfortunate + youth over the head with the heavily loaded wooden club which is the + normal instrument of Haytien discipline. His blow was a repartee, part of + a triangular altercation in which a large, voluble, mahogany-coloured lady + whose head was tied up in a blue handkerchief played a conspicuous part, + but it seemed to Benham an entirely unjustifiable blow. + </p> + <p> + He allowed an indignation with negro policemen in general that had been + gathering from the very moment of his arrival at Port-au-Prince to carry + him away. He advanced with the kind of shout one would hurl at a dog, and + smote the policeman to the earth with the stout stick that the peculiar + social atmosphere of Hayti had disposed him to carry. By the local + standard his blow was probably a trivial one, but the moral effect of his + indignant pallor and a sort of rearing tallness about him on these + occasions was always very considerable. Unhappily these characteristics + could have no effect on a second negro policeman who was approaching the + affray from behind, and he felled Benham by a blow on the shoulder that + was meant for the head, and with the assistance of his colleague + overpowered him, while the youth and the woman vanished. + </p> + <p> + The two officials dragged Benham in a state of vehement protest to the + lock-up, and only there, in the light of a superior officer's superior + knowledge, did they begin to realize the grave fact of his British + citizenship. + </p> + <p> + The memory of the destruction of the Haytien fleet by a German gunboat was + still vivid in Port-au-Prince, and to that Benham owed it that in spite of + his blank refusal to compensate the man he had knocked over, he was after + two days of anger, two days of extreme insanitary experience, and much + meditation upon his unphilosophical hastiness, released. + </p> + <p> + Quite a number of trivial incidents of a kindred sort diversified his + enquiries into Indian conditions. They too turned for the most part on his + facile exasperation at any defiance of his deep-felt desire for human + brotherhood. At last indeed came an affair that refused ultimately to + remain trivial, and tangled him up in a coil that invoked newspaper + articles and heated controversies. + </p> + <p> + The effect of India upon Benham's mind was a peculiar mixture of + attraction and irritation. He was attracted by the Hindu spirit of + intellectualism and the Hindu repudiation of brutality, and he was + infuriated by the spirit of caste that cuts the great world of India into + a thousand futile little worlds, all aloof and hostile one to the other. + “I came to see India,” he wrote, “and there is no India. There is a great + number of Indias, and each goes about with its chin in the air, quietly + scorning everybody else.” + </p> + <p> + His Indian adventures and his great public controversy on caste began with + a tremendous row with an Indian civil servant who had turned an Indian + gentleman out of his first-class compartment, and culminated in a + disgraceful fracas with a squatting brown holiness at Benares, who had + thrown aside his little brass bowlful of dinner because Benham's shadow + had fallen upon it. + </p> + <p> + “You unendurable snob!” said Benham, and then lapsing into the forceful + and inadvisable: “By Heaven, you SHALL eat it!...” + </p> + <p> + 8 + </p> + <p> + Benham's detestation of human divisions and hostilities was so deep in his + character as to seem almost instinctive. But he had too a very clear + reason for his hostility to all these amazing breaks in human continuity + in his sense of the gathering dangers they now involve. They had always, + he was convinced, meant conflict, hatred, misery and the destruction of + human dignity, but the new conditions of life that have been brought about + by modern science were making them far more dangerous than they had ever + been before. He believed that the evil and horror of war was becoming more + and more tremendous with every decade, and that the free play of national + prejudice and that stupid filching ambitiousness that seems to be + inseparable from monarchy, were bound to precipitate catastrophe, unless a + real international aristocracy could be brought into being to prevent it. + </p> + <p> + In the drawer full of papers labelled “Politics,” White found a paper + called “The Metal Beast.” It showed that for a time Benham had been + greatly obsessed by the thought of the armaments that were in those days + piling up in every country in Europe. He had gone to Essen, and at Essen + he had met a German who had boasted of Zeppelins and the great guns that + were presently to smash the effete British fleet and open the Imperial way + to London. + </p> + <p> + “I could not sleep,” he wrote, “on account of this man and his talk and + the streak of hatred in his talk. He distressed me not because he seemed + exceptional, but because he seemed ordinary. I realized that he was more + human than I was, and that only killing and killing could come out of such + humanity. I thought of the great ugly guns I had seen, and of the still + greater guns he had talked about, and how gloatingly he thought of the + destruction they could do. I felt as I used to feel about that infernal + stallion that had killed a man with its teeth and feet, a despairing fear, + a sense of monstrosity in life. And this creature who had so disturbed me + was only a beastly snuffy little man in an ill-fitting frock-coat, who + laid his knife and fork by their tips on the edge of his plate, and picked + his teeth with gusto and breathed into my face as he talked to me. The + commonest of representative men. I went about that Westphalian country + after that, with the conviction that headless, soulless, blood-drinking + metal monsters were breeding all about me. I felt that science was + producing a poisonous swarm, a nest of black dragons. They were crouching + here and away there in France and England, they were crouching like beasts + that bide their time, mewed up in forts, kennelled in arsenals, hooded in + tarpaulins as hawks are hooded.... And I had never thought very much about + them before, and there they were, waiting until some human fool like that + frock-coated thing of spite, and fools like him multiplied by a million, + saw fit to call them out to action. Just out of hatred and nationalism and + faction....” + </p> + <p> + Then came a queer fancy. + </p> + <p> + “Great guns, mines, battleships, all that cruelty-apparatus; I see it more + and more as the gathering revenge of dead joyless matter for the happiness + of life. It is a conspiracy of the lifeless, an enormous plot of the rebel + metals against sensation. That is why in particular half-living people + seem to love these things. La Ferriere was a fastness of the kind of + tyranny that passes out of human experience, the tyranny of the strong man + over men. Essen comes, the new thing, the tyranny of the strong + machine.... + </p> + <p> + “Science is either slave or master. These people—I mean the German + people and militarist people generally—have no real mastery over the + scientific and economic forces on which they seem to ride. The monster of + steel and iron carries Kaiser and Germany and all Europe captive. It has + persuaded them to mount upon its back and now they must follow the logic + of its path. Whither?... Only kingship will ever master that beast of + steel which has got loose into the world. Nothing but the sense of + unconquerable kingship in us all will ever dare withstand it.... Men must + be kingly aristocrats—it isn't MAY be now, it is MUST be—or, + these confederated metals, these things of chemistry and metallurgy, these + explosives and mechanisms, will trample the blood and life out of our race + into mere red-streaked froth and filth....” + </p> + <p> + Then he turned to the question of this metallic beast's release. Would it + ever be given blood? + </p> + <p> + “Men of my generation have been brought up in this threat of a great war + that never comes; for forty years we have had it, so that it is with a + note of incredulity that one tells oneself, 'After all this war may + happen. But can it happen?'” + </p> + <p> + He proceeded to speculate upon the probability whether a great war would + ever devastate western Europe again, and it was very evident to White that + he wanted very much to persuade himself against that idea. It was too + disagreeable for him to think it probable. The paper was dated 1910. It + was in October, 1914, that White, who was still working upon the laborious + uncertain account of Benham's life and thought he has recently published, + read what Benham had written. Benham concluded that the common-sense of + the world would hold up this danger until reason could get “to the head of + things.” + </p> + <p> + “There are already mighty forces in Germany,” Benham wrote, “that will + struggle very powerfully to avoid a war. And these forces increase. Behind + the coarseness and the threatenings, the melodrama and the display of the + vulgarer sort there arises a great and noble people.... I have talked with + Germans of the better kind.... You cannot have a whole nation of + Christophes.... There also the true knighthood discovers itself.... I do + not believe this war will overtake us.” + </p> + <p> + “WELL!” said White. + </p> + <p> + “I must go back to Germany and understand Germany better,” the notes went + on. + </p> + <p> + But other things were to hold Benham back from that resolve. Other things + were to hold many men back from similar resolves until it was too late for + them.... + </p> + <p> + “It is preposterous that these monstrous dangers should lower over Europe, + because a certain threatening vanity has crept into the blood of a people, + because a few crude ideas go inadequately controlled.... Does no one see + what that metallic beast will do if they once let it loose? It will + trample cities; it will devour nations....” + </p> + <p> + White read this on the 9th of October, 1914. One crumpled evening paper at + his feet proclaimed in startled headlines: “Rain of Incendiary Shells. + Antwerp Ablaze.” Another declared untruthfully but impressively: “Six + Zeppelins drop Bombs over the Doomed City.” + </p> + <p> + He had bought all the evening papers, and had read and re-read them and + turned up maps and worried over strategic problems for which he had no + data at all—as every one did at that time—before he was able + to go on with Benham's manuscripts. + </p> + <p> + These pacific reassurances seemed to White's war-troubled mind like + finding a flattened and faded flower, a girl's love token, between the + pages of some torn and scorched and blood-stained book picked out from a + heap of loot after rapine and murder had had their fill.... + </p> + <p> + “How can we ever begin over again?” said White, and sat for a long time + staring gloomily into the fire, forgetting forgetting, forgetting too that + men who are tired and weary die, and that new men are born to succeed + them.... + </p> + <p> + “We have to begin over again,” said White at last, and took up Benham's + papers where he had laid them down.... + </p> + <p> + 9 + </p> + <p> + One considerable section of Benham's treatment of the Fourth Limitation + was devoted to what he called the Prejudices of Social Position. This + section alone was manifestly expanding into a large treatise upon the + psychology of economic organization.... + </p> + <p> + It was only very slowly that he had come to realize the important part + played by economic and class hostilities in the disordering of human + affairs. This was a very natural result of his peculiar social + circumstances. Most people born to wealth and ease take the established + industrial system as the natural method in human affairs; it is only very + reluctantly and by real feats of sympathy and disinterestedness that they + can be brought to realize that it is natural only in the sense that it has + grown up and come about, and necessary only because nobody is strong and + clever enough to rearrange it. Their experience of it is a satisfactory + experience. On the other hand, the better off one is, the wider is one's + outlook and the more alert one is to see the risks and dangers of + international dissensions. Travel and talk to foreigners open one's eyes + to aggressive possibilities; history and its warnings become conceivable. + It is in the nature of things that socialists and labour parties should + minimize international obligations and necessities, and equally so that + autocracies and aristocracies and plutocracies should be negligent of and + impatient about social reform. + </p> + <p> + But Benham did come to realize this broader conflict between worker and + director, between poor man and possessor, between resentful humanity and + enterprise, between unwilling toil and unearned opportunity. It is a far + profounder and subtler conflict than any other in human affairs. “I can + foresee a time,” he wrote, “when the greater national and racial hatreds + may all be so weakened as to be no longer a considerable source of human + limitation and misery, when the suspicions of complexion and language and + social habit are allayed, and when the element of hatred and aggression + may be clean washed out of most religious cults, but I do not begin to + imagine a time, because I cannot imagine a method, when there will not be + great friction between those who employ, those who direct collective + action, and those whose part it is to be the rank and file in + industrialism. This, I know, is a limitation upon my confidence due very + largely to the restricted nature of my knowledge of this sort of + organization. Very probably resentment and suspicion in the mass and + self-seeking and dishonesty in the fortunate few are not so deeply seated, + so necessary as they seem to be, and if men can be cheerfully obedient and + modestly directive in war time, there is no reason why ultimately they + should not be so in the business of peace. But I do not understand the + elements of the methods by which this state of affairs can be brought + about. + </p> + <p> + “If I were to confess this much to an intelligent working man I know that + at once he would answer 'Socialism,' but Socialism is no more a solution + of this problem than eating is a solution when one is lost in the + wilderness and hungry. Of course everybody with any intelligence wants + Socialism, everybody, that is to say, wants to see all human efforts + directed to the common good and a common end, but brought face to face + with practical problems Socialism betrays a vast insufficiency of + practical suggestions. I do not say that Socialism would not work, but I + do say that so far Socialists have failed to convince me that they could + work it. The substitution of a stupid official for a greedy proprietor may + mean a vanished dividend, a limited output and no other human advantage + whatever. Socialism is in itself a mere eloquent gesture, inspiring, + encouraging, perhaps, but beyond that not very helpful, towards the vast + problem of moral and material adjustment before the race. That problem is + incurably miscellaneous and intricate, and only by great multitudes of + generous workers, one working at this point and one at that, secretly + devoted knights of humanity, hidden and dispersed kings, unaware of one + another, doubting each his right to count himself among those who do these + kingly services, is this elaborate rightening of work and guidance to be + done.” + </p> + <p> + So from these most fundamental social difficulties he came back to his + panacea. All paths and all enquiries led him back to his conception of + aristocracy, conscious, self-disciplined, devoted, self-examining yet + secret, making no personal nor class pretences, as the supreme need not + only of the individual but the world. + </p> + <p> + 10 + </p> + <p> + It was the Labour trouble in the Transvaal which had brought the two + schoolfellows together again. White had been on his way to Zimbabwe. An + emotional disturbance of unusual intensity had driven him to seek + consolations in strange scenery and mysterious desolations. It was as if + Zimbabwe called to him. Benham had come to South Africa to see into the + question of Indian immigration, and he was now on his way to meet Amanda + in London. Neither man had given much heed to the gathering social + conflict on the Rand until the storm burst about them. There had been a + few paragraphs in the papers about a dispute upon a point of labour + etiquette, a question of the recognition of Trade Union officials, a thing + that impressed them both as technical, and then suddenly a long incubated + quarrel flared out in rioting and violence, the burning of houses and + furniture, attacks on mines, attempts to dynamite trains. White stayed in + Johannesburg because he did not want to be stranded up country by the + railway strike that was among the possibilities of the situation. Benham + stayed because he was going to London very reluctantly, and he was glad of + this justification for a few days' delay. The two men found themselves + occupying adjacent tables in the Sherborough Hotel, and White was the + first to recognize the other. They came together with a warmth and + readiness of intimacy that neither would have displayed in London. + </p> + <p> + White had not seen Benham since the social days of Amanda at Lancaster + Gate, and he was astonished at the change a few years had made in him. The + peculiar contrast of his pallor and his dark hair had become more marked, + his skin was deader, his features seemed more prominent and his expression + intenser. His eyes were very bright and more sunken under his brows. He + had suffered from yellow fever in the West Indies, and these it seemed + were the marks left by that illness. And he was much more detached from + the people about him; less attentive to the small incidents of life, more + occupied with inner things. He greeted White with a confidence that White + was one day to remember as pathetic. + </p> + <p> + “It is good to meet an old friend,” Benham said. “I have lost friends. And + I do not make fresh ones. I go about too much by myself, and I do not + follow the same tracks that other people are following....” + </p> + <p> + What track was he following? It was now that White first heard of the + Research Magnificent. He wanted to know what Benham was doing, and Benham + after some partial and unsatisfactory explanation of his interest in + insurgent Hindoos, embarked upon larger expositions. “It is, of course, a + part of something else,” he amplified. He was writing a book, “an enormous + sort of book.” He laughed with a touch of shyness. It was about + “everything,” about how to live and how not to live. And “aristocracy, and + all sorts of things.” White was always curious about other people's books. + Benham became earnest and more explicit under encouragement, and to talk + about his book was soon to talk about himself. In various ways, + intentionally and inadvertently, he told White much. These chance + encounters, these intimacies of the train and hotel, will lead men at + times to a stark frankness of statement they would never permit themselves + with habitual friends. + </p> + <p> + About the Johannesburg labour trouble they talked very little, considering + how insistent it was becoming. But the wide propositions of the Research + Magnificent, with its large indifference to immediate occurrences, its + vast patience, its tremendous expectations, contrasted very sharply in + White's memory with the bitterness, narrowness and resentment of the + events about them. For him the thought of that first discussion of this + vast inchoate book into which Benham's life was flowering, and which he + was ultimately to summarize, trailed with it a fringe of vivid little + pictures; pictures of crowds of men hurrying on bicycles and afoot under a + lowering twilight sky towards murmuring centres of disorder, of startling + flares seen suddenly afar off, of the muffled galloping of troops through + the broad dusty street in the night, of groups of men standing and + watching down straight broad roads, roads that ended in groups of chimneys + and squat buildings of corrugated iron. And once there was a marching body + of white men in the foreground and a complicated wire fence, and a + clustering mass of Kaffirs watching them over this fence and talking + eagerly amongst themselves. + </p> + <p> + “All this affair here is little more than a hitch in the machinery,” said + Benham, and went back to his large preoccupation.... + </p> + <p> + But White, who had not seen so much human disorder as Benham, felt that it + was more than that. Always he kept the tail of his eye upon that eventful + background while Benham talked to him. + </p> + <p> + When the firearms went off he may for the moment have even given the + background the greater share of his attention.... + </p> + <p> + 11 + </p> + <p> + It was only as White burrowed through his legacy of documents that the + full values came to very many things that Benham said during these last + conversations. The papers fitted in with his memories of their long talks + like text with commentary; so much of Benham's talk had repeated the + private writings in which he had first digested his ideas that it was + presently almost impossible to disentangle what had been said and + understood at Johannesburg from the fuller statement of those patched and + corrected manuscripts. The two things merged in White's mind as he read. + The written text took upon itself a resonance of Benham's voice; it eked + out the hints and broken sentences of his remembered conversation. + </p> + <p> + But some things that Benham did not talk about at all, left by their mere + marked absence an impression on White's mind. And occasionally after + Benham had been talking for a long time there would be an occasional + aphasia, such as is often apparent in the speech of men who restrain + themselves from betraying a preoccupation. He would say nothing about + Amanda or about women in general, he was reluctant to speak of Prothero, + and another peculiarity was that he referred perhaps half a dozen times or + more to the idea that he was a “prig.” He seemed to be defending himself + against some inner accusation, some unconquerable doubt of the entire + adventure of his life. These half hints and hints by omission exercised + the quick intuitions of White's mind very keenly, and he drew far closer + to an understanding of Benham's reserves than Benham ever suspected.... + </p> + <p> + At first after his parting from Amanda in London Benham had felt + completely justified in his treatment of her. She had betrayed him and he + had behaved, he felt, with dignity and self-control. He had no doubt that + he had punished her very effectively, and it was only after he had been + travelling in China with Prothero for some time and in the light of one or + two chance phrases in her letters that he began to have doubts whether he + ought to have punished her at all. And one night at Shanghai he had a + dream in which she stood before him, dishevelled and tearful, his Amanda, + very intensely his Amanda, and said that she was dirty and shameful and + spoilt for ever, because he had gone away from her. Afterwards the dream + became absurd: she showed him the black leopard's fur as though it was a + rug, and it was now moth-eaten and mangey, the leopard skin that had been + so bright and wonderful such a little time ago, and he awoke before he + could answer her, and for a long time he was full of unspoken answers + explaining that in view of her deliberate unfaithfulness the position she + took up was absurd. She had spoilt her own fur. But what was more + penetrating and distressing in this dream was not so much the case Amanda + stated as the atmosphere of unconquerable intimacy between them, as though + they still belonged to each other, soul to soul, as though nothing that + had happened afterwards could have destroyed their common responsibility + and the common interest of their first unstinted union. She was hurt, and + of course he was hurt. He began to see that his marriage to Amanda was + still infinitely more than a technical bond. + </p> + <p> + And having perceived that much he presently began to doubt whether she + realized anything of the sort. Her letters fluctuated very much in tone, + but at times they were as detached and guarded as a schoolgirl writing to + a cousin. Then it seemed to Benham an extraordinary fraud on her part that + she should presume to come into his dream with an entirely deceptive + closeness and confidence. She began to sound him in these latter letters + upon the possibility of divorce. This, which he had been quite disposed to + concede in London, now struck him as an outrageous suggestion. He wrote to + ask her why, and she responded exasperatingly that she thought it was + “better.” But, again, why better? It is remarkable that although his mind + had habituated itself to the idea that Easton was her lover in London, her + thought of being divorced, no doubt to marry again, filled him with + jealous rage. She asked him to take the blame in the divorce proceedings. + There, again, he found himself ungenerous. He did not want to do that. Why + should he do that? As a matter of fact he was by no means reconciled to + the price he had paid for his Research Magnificent; he regretted his + Amanda acutely. He was regretting her with a regret that grew when by all + the rules of life it ought to be diminishing. + </p> + <p> + It was in consequence of that regret and his controversies with Prothero + while they travelled together in China that his concern about what he + called priggishness arose. It is a concern that one may suppose has a + little afflicted every reasonably self-conscious man who has turned from + the natural passionate personal life to religion or to public service or + any abstract devotion. These things that are at least more extensive than + the interests of flesh and blood have a trick of becoming unsubstantial, + they shine gloriously and inspiringly upon the imagination, they capture + one and isolate one and then they vanish out of sight. It is far easier to + be entirely faithful to friend or lover than it is to be faithful to a + cause or to one's country or to a religion. In the glow of one's first + service that larger idea may be as closely spontaneous as a handclasp, but + in the darkness that comes as the glow dies away there is a fearful sense + of unreality. It was in such dark moments that Benham was most persecuted + by his memories of Amanda and most distressed by this suspicion that the + Research Magnificent was a priggishness, a pretentious logomachy. Prothero + could indeed hint as much so skilfully that at times the dream of nobility + seemed an insult to the sunshine, to the careless laughter of children, to + the good light in wine and all the warm happiness of existence. And then + Amanda would peep out of the dusk and whisper, “Of course if you could + leave me—! Was I not LIFE? Even now if you cared to come back to me— + For I loved you best and loved you still, old Cheetah, long after you had + left me to follow your dreams.... Even now I am drifting further into lies + and the last shreds of dignity drop from me; a dirty, lost, and shameful + leopard I am now, who was once clean and bright.... You could come back, + Cheetah, and you could save me yet. If you would love me....” + </p> + <p> + In certain moods she could wring his heart by such imagined speeches, the + very quality of her voice was in them, a softness that his ear had loved, + and not only could she distress him, but when Benham was in this heartache + mood, when once she had set him going, then his little mother also would + rise against him, touchingly indignant, with her blue eyes bright with + tears; and his frowsty father would back towards him and sit down + complaining that he was neglected, and even little Mrs. Skelmersdale would + reappear, bravely tearful on her chair looking after him as he slunk away + from her through Kensington Gardens; indeed every personal link he had + ever had to life could in certain moods pull him back through the door of + self-reproach Amanda opened and set him aching and accusing himself of + harshness and self-concentration. The very kittens of his childhood + revived forgotten moments of long-repented hardness. For a year before + Prothero was killed there were these heartaches. That tragedy gave them + their crowning justification. All these people said in this form or that, + “You owed a debt to us, you evaded it, you betrayed us, you owed us life + out of yourself, love and services, and you have gone off from us all with + this life that was ours, to live by yourself in dreams about the rule of + the world, and with empty phantoms of power and destiny. All this was + intellectualization. You sacrificed us to the thin things of the mind. + There is no rule of the world at all, or none that a man like you may lay + hold upon. The rule of the world is a fortuitous result of incalculably + multitudinous forces. But all of us you could have made happier. You could + have spared us distresses. Prothero died because of you. Presently it will + be the turn of your father, your mother—Amanda perhaps....” + </p> + <p> + He made no written note of his heartaches, but he made several memoranda + about priggishness that White read and came near to understanding. In + spite of the tugging at his heart-strings, Benham was making up his mind + to be a prig. He weighed the cold uningratiating virtues of priggishness + against his smouldering passion for Amanda, and against his obstinate + sympathy for Prothero's grossness and his mother's personal pride, and he + made his choice. But it was a reluctant choice. + </p> + <p> + One fragment began in the air. “Of course I had made myself responsible + for her life. But it was, you see, such a confoundedly energetic life, as + vigorous and as slippery as an eel.... Only by giving all my strength to + her could I have held Amanda.... So what was the good of trying to hold + Amanda?... + </p> + <p> + “All one's people have this sort of claim upon one. Claims made by their + pride and their self-respect, and their weaknesses and dependences. You've + no right to hurt them, to kick about and demand freedom when it means + snapping and tearing the silly suffering tendrils they have wrapped about + you. The true aristocrat I think will have enough grasp, enough + steadiness, to be kind and right to every human being and still do the + work that ought to be his essential life. I see that now. It's one of the + things this last year or so of loneliness has made me realize; that in so + far as I have set out to live the aristocratic life I have failed. Instead + I've discovered it—and found myself out. I'm an overstrung man. I go + harshly and continuously for one idea. I live as I ride. I blunder through + my fences, I take off too soon. I've no natural ease of mind or conduct or + body. I am straining to keep hold of a thing too big for me and do a thing + beyond my ability. Only after Prothero's death was it possible for me to + realize the prig I have always been, first as regards him and then as + regards Amanda and my mother and every one. A necessary unavoidable + priggishness....” I do not see how certain things can be done without + prigs, people, that is to say, so concentrated and specialized in interest + as to be a trifle inhuman, so resolved as to be rather rhetorical and + forced.... All things must begin with clumsiness, there is no assurance + about pioneers.... + </p> + <p> + “Some one has to talk about aristocracy, some one has to explain + aristocracy.... But the very essence of aristocracy, as I conceive it, is + that it does not explain nor talk about itself.... + </p> + <p> + “After all it doesn't matter what I am.... It's just a private vexation + that I haven't got where I meant to get. That does not affect the truth I + have to tell.... + </p> + <p> + “If one has to speak the truth with the voice of a prig, still one must + speak the truth. I have worked out some very considerable things in my + research, and the time has come when I must set them out clearly and + plainly. That is my job anyhow. My journey to London to release Amanda + will be just the end of my adolescence and the beginning of my real life. + It will release me from my last entanglement with the fellow creatures I + have always failed to make happy.... It's a detail in the work.... And I + shall go on. + </p> + <p> + “But I shall feel very like a man who goes back for a surgical operation. + </p> + <p> + “It's very like that. A surgical operation, and when it is over perhaps I + shall think no more about it. + </p> + <p> + “And beyond these things there are great masses of work to be done. So far + I have but cleared up for myself a project and outline of living. I must + begin upon these masses now, I must do what I can upon the details, and, + presently, I shall see more clearly where other men are working to the + same ends....” + </p> + <p> + 12 + </p> + <p> + Benham's expedition to China with Prothero was essentially a wrestle + between his high resolve to work out his conception of the noble life to + the utmost limit and his curiously invincible affection and sympathy for + the earthliness of that inglorious little don. Although Benham insisted + upon the dominance of life by noble imaginations and relentless + reasonableness, he would never altogether abandon the materialism of life. + Prothero had once said to him, “You are the advocate of the brain and I of + the belly. Only, only we respect each other.” And at another time, “You + fear emotions and distrust sensations. I invite them. You do not drink gin + because you think it would make you weep. But if I could not weep in any + other way I would drink gin.” And it was under the influence of Prothero + that Benham turned from the haughty intellectualism, the systematized + superiorities and refinements, the caste marks and defensive dignities of + India to China, that great teeming stinking tank of humorous yellow + humanity. + </p> + <p> + Benham had gone to Prothero again after a bout of elevated idealism. It + was only very slowly that he reconciled his mind to the idea of an + entirely solitary pursuit of his aristocratic dream. For some time as he + went about the world he was trying to bring himself into relationship with + the advanced thinkers, the liberal-minded people who seemed to promise at + least a mental and moral co-operation. Yet it is difficult to see what + co-operation was possible unless it was some sort of agreement that + presently they should all shout together. And it was after a certain + pursuit of Rabindranath Tagore, whom he met in Hampstead, that a horror of + perfect manners and perfect finish came upon him, and he fled from that + starry calm to the rich uncleanness of the most undignified fellow of + Trinity. And as an advocate and exponent of the richness of the lower + levels of life, as the declared antagonist of caste and of the uttermost + refinements of pride, Prothero went with Benham by way of Siberia to the + Chinese scene. + </p> + <p> + Their controversy was perceptible at every dinner-table in their choice of + food and drink. Benham was always wary and Prothero always appreciative. + It peeped out in the distribution of their time, in the direction of their + glances. Whenever women walked about, Prothero gave way to a sort of + ethnological excitement. “That girl—a wonderful racial type.” But in + Moscow he was sentimental. He insisted on going again to the Cosmopolis + Bazaar, and when he had ascertained that Anna Alexievna had vanished and + left no trace he prowled the streets until the small hours. + </p> + <p> + In the eastward train he talked intermittently of her. “I should have + defied Cambridge,” he said. + </p> + <p> + But at every stopping station he got out upon the platform ethnologically + alert.... + </p> + <p> + Theoretically Benham was disgusted with Prothero. Really he was not + disgusted at all. There was something about Prothero like a sparrow, like + a starling, like a Scotch terrier.... These, too, are morally + objectionable creatures that do not disgust.... + </p> + <p> + Prothero discoursed much upon the essential goodness of Russians. He said + they were a people of genius, that they showed it in their faults and + failures just as much as in their virtues and achievements. He extolled + the “germinating disorder” of Moscow far above the “implacable discipline” + of Berlin. Only a people of inferior imagination, a base materialist + people, could so maintain its attention upon precision and cleanliness. + Benham was roused to defence against this paradox. “But all exaltation + neglects,” said Prothero. “No religion has ever boasted that its saints + were spick and span.” This controversy raged between them in the streets + of Irkutsk. It was still burning while they picked their way through the + indescribable filth of Pekin. + </p> + <p> + “You say that all this is a fine disdain for material things,” said + Benham. “But look out there!” + </p> + <p> + Apt to their argument a couple of sturdy young women came shuffling along, + cleaving the crowd in the narrow street by virtue of a single word and two + brace of pails of human ordure. + </p> + <p> + “That is not a fine disdain for material things,” said Benham. “That is + merely individualism and unsystematic living.” + </p> + <p> + “A mere phase of frankness. Only frankness is left to them now. The + Manchus crippled them, spoilt their roads and broke their waterways. + European intervention paralyses every attempt they make to establish order + on their own lines. In the Ming days China did not reek.... And, anyhow, + Benham, it's better than the silly waste of London....” + </p> + <p> + And in a little while Prothero discovered that China had tried Benham and + found him wanting, centuries and dynasties ago. + </p> + <p> + What was this new-fangled aristocratic man, he asked, but the ideal of + Confucius, the superior person, “the son of the King”? There you had the + very essence of Benham, the idea of self-examination, self-preparation + under a vague Theocracy. (“Vaguer,” said Benham, “for the Confucian Heaven + could punish and reward.”) Even the elaborate sham modesty of the two + dreams was the same. Benham interrupted and protested with heat. And this + Confucian idea of the son of the King, Prothero insisted, had been the + cause of China's paralysis. “My idea of nobility is not traditional but + expectant,” said Benham. “After all, Confucianism has held together a + great pacific state far longer than any other polity has ever lasted. I'll + accept your Confucianism. I've not the slightest objection to finding + China nearer salvation than any other land. Do but turn it round so that + it looks to the future and not to the past, and it will be the best social + and political culture in the world. That, indeed, is what is happening. + Mix Chinese culture with American enterprise and you will have made a new + lead for mankind.” + </p> + <p> + From that Benham drove on to discoveries. “When a man thinks of the past + he concentrates on self; when he thinks of the future he radiates from + self. Call me a neo-Confucian; with the cone opening forward away from me, + instead of focussing on me....” + </p> + <p> + “You make me think of an extinguisher,” said Prothero. + </p> + <p> + “You know I am thinking of a focus,” said Benham. “But all your thought + now has become caricature.... You have stopped thinking. You are fighting + after making up your mind....” + </p> + <p> + Prothero was a little disconcerted by Benham's prompt endorsement of his + Chinese identification. He had hoped it would be exasperating. He tried to + barb his offence. He amplified the indictment. All cultures must be judged + by their reaction and fatigue products, and Confucianism had produced + formalism, priggishness, humbug.... No doubt its ideals had had their + successes; they had unified China, stamped the idea of universal peace and + good manners upon the greatest mass of population in the world, paved the + way for much beautiful art and literature and living. “But in the end, all + your stern orderliness, Benham,” said Prothero, “only leads to me. The + human spirit rebels against this everlasting armour on the soul. After Han + came T'ang. Have you never read Ling Po? There's scraps of him in English + in that little book you have—what is it?—the LUTE OF JADE? He + was the inevitable Epicurean; the Omar Khayyam after the Prophet. Life + must relax at last....” + </p> + <p> + “No!” cried Benham. “If it is traditional, I admit, yes; but if it is + creative, no....” + </p> + <p> + Under the stimulation of their undying controversy Benham was driven to + closer enquiries into Chinese thought. He tried particularly to get to + mental grips with English-speaking Chinese. “We still know nothing of + China,” said Prothero. “Most of the stuff we have been told about this + country is mere middle-class tourists' twaddle. We send merchants from + Brixton and missionaries from Glasgow, and what doesn't remind them of + these delectable standards seems either funny to them or wicked. I admit + the thing is slightly pot-bound, so to speak, in the ancient characters + and the ancient traditions, but for all that, they KNOW, they HAVE, what + all the rest of the world has still to find and get. When they begin to + speak and write in a modern way and handle modern things and break into + the soil they have scarcely touched, the rest of the world will find just + how much it is behind.... Oh! not soldiering; the Chinese are not such + fools as that, but LIFE....” + </p> + <p> + Benham was won to a half belief in these assertions. + </p> + <p> + He came to realize more and more clearly that while India dreams or + wrestles weakly in its sleep, while Europe is still hopelessly and + foolishly given over to militant monarchies, racial vanities, delirious + religious feuds and an altogether imbecile fumbling with loaded guns, + China, even more than America, develops steadily into a massive + possibility of ordered and aristocratic liberalism.... + </p> + <p> + The two men followed their associated and disconnected paths. Through + Benham's chance speeches and notes, White caught glimpses, as one might + catch glimpses through a moving trellis, of that bilateral adventure. He + saw Benham in conversation with liberal-minded mandarins, grave-faced, + bald-browed persons with disciplined movements, who sat with their hands + thrust into their sleeves talking excellent English; while Prothero + pursued enquiries of an intenser, more recondite sort with gentlemen of a + more confidential type. And, presently, Prothero began to discover and + discuss the merits of opium. + </p> + <p> + For if one is to disavow all pride and priggishness, if one is to find the + solution of life's problem in the rational enjoyment of one's sensations, + why should one not use opium? It is art materialized. It gives tremendous + experiences with a minimum of exertion, and if presently its gifts + diminish one need but increase the quantity. Moreover, it quickens the + garrulous mind, and steadies the happiness of love. Across the varied + adventures of Benham's journey in China fell the shadow first of a + suspicion and then of a certainty.... + </p> + <p> + The perfected and ancient vices of China wrapped about Prothero like some + tainted but scented robe, and all too late Benham sought to drag him away. + And then in a passion of disgust turned from him. + </p> + <p> + “To this,” cried Benham, “one comes! Save for pride and fierceness!” + </p> + <p> + “Better this than cruelty,” said Prothero talking quickly and clearly + because of the evil thing in his veins. “You think that you are the only + explorer of life, Benham, but while you toil up the mountains I board the + house-boat and float down the stream. For you the stars, for me the music + and the lanterns. You are the son of a mountaineering don, and I am a + Chinese philosopher of the riper school. You force yourself beyond fear of + pain, and I force myself beyond fear of consequences. What are we either + of us but children groping under the black cloak of our Maker?—who + will not blind us with his light. Did he not give us also these lusts, the + keen knife and the sweetness, these sensations that are like pineapple + smeared with saltpetre, like salted olives from heaven, like being flayed + with delight.... And did he not give us dreams fantastic beyond any lust + whatever? What is the good of talking? Speak to your own kind. I have + gone, Benham. I am lost already. There is no resisting any more, since I + have drugged away resistance. Why then should I come back? I know now the + symphonies of the exalted nerves; I can judge; and I say better lie and + hear them to the end than come back again to my old life, to my little + tin-whistle solo, my—effort! My EFFORT!... I ruin my body. I know. + But what of that?... I shall soon be thin and filthy. What of the + grape-skin when one has had the pulp?” + </p> + <p> + “But,” said Benham, “the cleanness of life!” + </p> + <p> + “While I perish,” said Prothero still more wickedly, “I say good + things....” + </p> + <p> + 13 + </p> + <p> + White had a vision of a great city with narrow crowded streets, hung with + lank banners and gay with vertical vermilion labels, and of a pleasant + large low house that stood in a garden on a hillside, a garden set with + artificial stones and with beasts and men and lanterns of white porcelain, + a garden which overlooked this city. Here it was that Benham stayed and + talked with his host, a man robed in marvellous silks and subtle of speech + even in the European languages he used, and meanwhile Prothero, it seemed, + had gone down into the wickedness of the town below. It was a very great + town indeed, spreading for miles along the banks of a huge river, a river + that divided itself indolently into three shining branches so as to make + islands of the central portion of the place. And on this river swarmed for + ever a vast flotilla of ships and boats, boats in which people lived, + boats in which they sought pleasure, moored places of assembly, + high-pooped junks, steamboats, passenger sampans, cargo craft, such a + water town in streets and lanes, endless miles of it, as no other part of + the world save China can display. In the daylight it was gay with + countless sunlit colours embroidered upon a fabric of yellow and brown, at + night it glittered with a hundred thousand lights that swayed and quivered + and were reflected quiveringly upon the black flowing waters. + </p> + <p> + And while Benham sat and talked in the garden above came a messenger who + was for some reason very vividly realized by White's imagination. He was a + tall man with lack-lustre eyes and sunken cheeks that made his cheek bones + very prominent, and gave his thin-lipped mouth something of the geniality + of a skull, and the arm he thrust out of his yellow robe to hand + Prothero's message to Benham was lean as a pole. So he stood out in + White's imagination, against the warm afternoon sky and the brown roofs + and blue haze of the great town below, and was with one exception the + distinctest thing in the story. The message he bore was scribbled by + Prothero himself in a nerveless scrawl: “Send a hundred dollars by this + man. I am in a frightful fix.” + </p> + <p> + Now Benham's host had been twitting him with the European patronage of + opium, and something in this message stirred his facile indignation. Twice + before he had had similar demands. And on the whole they had seemed to him + to be unreasonable demands. He was astonished that while he was sitting + and talking of the great world-republic of the future and the secret + self-directed aristocracy that would make it possible, his own friend, his + chosen companion, should thus, by this inglorious request and this + ungainly messenger, disavow him. He felt a wave of intense irritation. + </p> + <p> + “No,” he said, “I will not.” + </p> + <p> + And he was too angry to express himself in any language understandable by + his messenger. + </p> + <p> + His host intervened and explained after a few questions that the occasion + was serious. Prothero, it seemed, had been gambling. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Benham. “He is shameless. Let him do what he can.” + </p> + <p> + The messenger was still reluctant to go. + </p> + <p> + And scarcely had he gone before misgivings seized Benham. + </p> + <p> + “Where IS your friend?” asked the mandarin. + </p> + <p> + “I don't know,” said Benham. + </p> + <p> + “But they will keep him! They may do all sorts of things when they find he + is lying to them.” + </p> + <p> + “Lying to them?” + </p> + <p> + “About your help.” + </p> + <p> + “Stop that man,” cried Benham suddenly realizing his mistake. But when the + servants went to stop the messenger their intentions were misunderstood, + and the man dashed through the open gate of the garden and made off down + the winding road. + </p> + <p> + “Stop him!” cried Benham, and started in pursuit, suddenly afraid for + Prothero. + </p> + <p> + The Chinese are a people of great curiosity, and a small pebble sometimes + starts an avalanche.... + </p> + <p> + White pieced together his conception of the circles of disturbance that + spread out from Benham's pursuit of Prothero's flying messenger. + </p> + <p> + For weeks and months the great town had been uneasy in all its ways + because of the insurgent spirits from the south and the disorder from the + north, because of endless rumours and incessant intrigue. The stupid + manoeuvres of one European “power” against another, the tactlessness of + missionaries, the growing Chinese disposition to meet violence and force + with violence and force, had fermented and brewed the possibility of an + outbreak. The sudden resolve of Benham to get at once to Prothero was like + the firing of a mine. This tall, pale-faced, incomprehensible stranger + charging through the narrow streets that led to the pleasure-boats in the + south river seemed to many a blue-clad citizen like the White Peril + embodied. Behind him came the attendants of the rich man up the hill; but + they surely were traitors to help this stranger. + </p> + <p> + Before Benham could at all realize what was happening he found his way to + the river-boat on which he supposed Prothero to be detained, barred by a + vigorous street fight. Explanations were impossible; he joined in the + fight. + </p> + <p> + For three days that fight developed round the mystery of Prothero's + disappearance. + </p> + <p> + It was a complicated struggle into which the local foreign traders on the + river-front and a detachment of modern drilled troops from the up-river + barracks were presently drawn. It was a struggle that was never clearly + explained, and at the end of it they found Prothero's body flung out upon + a waste place near a little temple on the river bank, stabbed while he was + asleep.... + </p> + <p> + And from the broken fragments of description that Benham let fall, White + had an impression of him hunting for all those three days through the + strange places of a Chinese city, along narrow passages, over queer + Venetian-like bridges, through the vast spaces of empty warehouses, in the + incense-scented darkness of temple yards, along planks that passed to the + dark hulls of secret barges, in quick-flying boats that slipped + noiselessly among the larger craft, and sometimes he hunted alone, + sometimes in company, sometimes black figures struggled in the darkness + against dim-lit backgrounds and sometimes a swarm of shining yellow faces + screamed and shouted through the torn paper windows.... And then at the + end of this confused effect of struggle, this Chinese kinematograph film, + one last picture jerked into place and stopped and stood still, a white + wall in the sunshine come upon suddenly round a corner, a dirty flagged + passage and a stiff crumpled body that had for the first time an + inexpressive face.... + </p> + <p> + 14 + </p> + <p> + Benham sat at a table in the smoking-room of the Sherborough Hotel at + Johannesburg and told of these things. White watched him from an armchair. + And as he listened he noted again the intensification of Benham's face, + the darkness under his brows, the pallor of his skin, the touch of red in + his eyes. For there was still that red gleam in Benham's eyes; it shone + when he looked out of a darkness into a light. And he sat forward with his + arms folded under him, or moved his long lean hand about over the things + on the table. + </p> + <p> + “You see,” he said, “this is a sort of horror in my mind. Things like this + stick in my mind. I am always seeing Prothero now, and it will take years + to get this scar off my memory again. Once before—about a horse, I + had the same kind of distress. And it makes me tender, sore-minded about + everything. It will go, of course, in the long run, and it's just like any + other ache that lays hold of one. One can't cure it. One has to get along + with it.... + </p> + <p> + “I know, White, I ought to have sent that money, but how was I to know + then that it was so imperative to send that money?... + </p> + <p> + “At the time it seemed just pandering to his vices.... + </p> + <p> + “I was angry. I shall never subdue that kind of hastiness altogether. It + takes me by surprise. Before the messenger was out of sight I had + repented.... + </p> + <p> + “I failed him. I have gone about in the world dreaming of tremendous + things and failing most people. My wife too....” + </p> + <p> + He stopped talking for a little time and folded his arms tight and stared + hard in front of himself, his lips compressed. + </p> + <p> + “You see, White,” he said, with a kind of setting of the teeth, “this is + the sort of thing one has to stand. Life is imperfect. Nothing can be done + perfectly. And on the whole—” He spoke still more slowly, “I would + go through again with the very same things that have hurt my people. If I + had to live over again. I would try to do the things without hurting the + people, but I would do the things anyhow. Because I'm raw with remorse, it + does not follow that on the whole I am not doing right. Right doing isn't + balm. If I could have contrived not to hurt these people as I have done, + it would have been better, just as it would be better to win a battle + without any killed or wounded. I was clumsy with them and they suffered, I + suffer for their suffering, but still I have to stick to the way I have + taken. One's blunders are accidents. If one thing is clearer than another + it is that the world isn't accident-proof.... + </p> + <p> + “But I wish I had sent those dollars to Prothero.... God! White, but I lie + awake at night thinking of that messenger as he turned away.... Trying to + stop him.... + </p> + <p> + “I didn't send those dollars. So fifty or sixty people were killed and + many wounded.... There for all practical purposes the thing ends. Perhaps + it will serve to give me a little charity for some other fool's haste and + blundering.... + </p> + <p> + “I couldn't help it, White. I couldn't help it.... + </p> + <p> + “The main thing, the impersonal thing, goes on. One thinks, one learns, + one adds one's contribution of experience and understanding. The spirit of + the race goes on to light and comprehension. In spite of accidents. In + spite of individual blundering. + </p> + <p> + “It would be absurd anyhow to suppose that nobility is so easy as to come + slick and true on every occasion.... + </p> + <p> + “If one gives oneself to any long aim one must reckon with minor + disasters. This Research I undertook grows and grows. I believe in it more + and more. The more it asks from me the more I give to it. When I was a + youngster I thought the thing I wanted was just round the corner. I + fancied I would find out the noble life in a year or two, just what it + was, just where it took one, and for the rest of my life I would live it. + Finely. But I am just one of a multitude of men, each one going a little + wrong, each one achieving a little right. And the noble life is a long, + long way ahead.... We are working out a new way of living for mankind, a + new rule, a new conscience. It's no small job for all of us. There must be + lifetimes of building up and lifetimes of pulling down and trying again. + Hope and disappointments and much need for philosophy.... I see myself now + for the little workman I am upon this tremendous undertaking. And all my + life hereafter goes to serve it....” + </p> + <p> + He turned his sombre eyes upon his friend. He spoke with a grim + enthusiasm. “I'm a prig. I'm a fanatic, White. But I have something clear, + something better worth going on with than any adventure of personal + relationship could possibly be....” + </p> + <p> + And suddenly he began to tell White as plainly as he could of the faith + that had grown up in his mind. He spoke with a touch of defiance, with the + tense force of a man who shrinks but overcomes his shame. “I will tell you + what I believe.” + </p> + <p> + He told of his early dread of fear and baseness, and of the slow + development, expansion and complication of his idea of self-respect until + he saw that there is no honour nor pride for a man until he refers his + life to ends and purposes beyond himself. An aristocrat must be loyal. So + it has ever been, but a modern aristocrat must also be lucid; there it is + that one has at once the demand for kingship and the repudiation of all + existing states and kings. In this manner he had come to his idea of a + great world republic that must replace the little warring kingdoms of the + present, to the conception of an unseen kingship ruling the whole globe, + to his King Invisible, who is the Lord of Truth and all sane loyalty. + “There,” he said, “is the link of our order, the new knighthood, the new + aristocracy, that must at last rule the earth. There is our Prince. He is + in me, he is in you; he is latent in all mankind. I have worked this out + and tried it and lived it, and I know that outwardly and inwardly this is + the way a man must live, or else be a poor thing and a base one. On great + occasions and small occasions I have failed myself a thousand times, but + no failure lasts if your faith lasts. What I have learnt, what I have + thought out and made sure, I want now to tell the world. Somehow I will + tell it, as a book I suppose, though I do not know if I shall ever be able + to make a book. But I have away there in London or with me here all the + masses of notes I have made in my search for the life that is worth while + living.... We who are self-appointed aristocrats, who are not ashamed of + kingship, must speak to one another.... + </p> + <p> + “We can have no organization because organizations corrupt.... + </p> + <p> + “No recognition.... + </p> + <p> + “But we can speak plainly....” + </p> + <p> + (As he talked his voice was for a space drowned by the jingle and voices + of mounted police riding past the hotel.) + </p> + <p> + “But on one side your aristocracy means revolution,” said White. “It + becomes a political conspiracy.” + </p> + <p> + “Manifestly. An open conspiracy. It denies the king upon the stamps and + the flag upon the wall. It is the continual proclamation of the Republic + of Mankind.” + </p> + <p> + 15 + </p> + <p> + The earlier phases of violence in the Rand outbreak in 1913 were manifest + rather in the outskirts of Johannesburg than at the centre. “Pulling out” + was going on first at this mine and then that, there were riots in Benoni, + attacks on strike breakers and the smashing up of a number of houses. It + was not until July the 4th that, with the suppression of a public meeting + in the market-place, Johannesburg itself became the storm centre. + </p> + <p> + Benham and White were present at this marketplace affair, a confused crowded + occasion, in which a little leaven of active men stirred through a large + uncertain multitude of decently dressed onlookers. The whole big square + was astir, a swaying crowd of men. A ramshackle platform improvised upon a + trolley struggled through the swarming straw hats to a street corner, and + there was some speaking. At first it seemed as though military men were + using this platform, and then it was manifestly in possession of an + excited knot of labour leaders with red rosettes. The military men had + said their say and got down. They came close by Benham, pushing their way + across the square. “We've warned them,” said one. A red flag, like some + misunderstood remark at a tea-party, was fitfully visible and + incomprehensible behind the platform. Somebody was either pitched or fell + off the platform. One could hear nothing from the speakers except a minute + bleating.... + </p> + <p> + Then there were shouts that the police were charging. A number of mounted + men trotted into the square. The crowd began a series of short rushes that + opened lanes for the passage of the mounted police as they rode to and + fro. These men trotted through the crowd, scattering knots of people. They + carried pick-handles, but they did not seem to be hitting with them. It + became clear that they aimed at the capture of the trolley. There was only + a feeble struggle for the trolley; it was captured and hauled through the + scattered spectators in the square to the protection of a small impassive + body of regular cavalry at the opposite corner. Then quite a number of + people seemed to be getting excited and fighting. They appeared to be + vaguely fighting the foot-police, and the police seemed to be vaguely + pushing through them and dispersing them. The roof of a little one-story + shop became prominent as a centre of vigorous stone-throwing. + </p> + <p> + It was no sort of battle. Merely the normal inconsecutiveness of human + affairs had become exaggerated and pugnacious. A meeting was being + prevented, and the police engaged in the operation were being pelted or + obstructed. Mostly people were just looking on. + </p> + <p> + “It amounts to nothing,” said Benham. “Even if they held a meeting, what + could happen? Why does the Government try to stop it?” + </p> + <p> + The drifting and charging and a little booing went on for some time. Every + now and then some one clambered to a point of vantage, began a speech and + was pulled down by policemen. And at last across the confusion came an + idea, like a wind across a pond. + </p> + <p> + The strikers were to go to the Power Station. + </p> + <p> + That had the effect of a distinct move in the game. The Power Station was + the centre of Johannesburg's light and energy. There if anywhere it would + be possible to express one's disapproval of the administration, one's + desire to embarrass and confute it. One could stop all sorts of things + from the Power Station. At any rate it was a repartee to the suppression + of the meeting. Everybody seemed gladdened by a definite project. + </p> + <p> + Benham and White went with the crowd. + </p> + <p> + At the intersection of two streets they were held up for a time; the + scattered drift of people became congested. Gliding slowly across the mass + came an electric tram, an entirely unbattered tram with even its glass + undamaged, and then another and another. Strikers, with the happy + expression of men who have found something expressive to do, were + escorting the trams off the street. They were being meticulously careful + with them. Never was there less mob violence in a riot. They walked by the + captured cars almost deferentially, like rough men honoured by a real + lady's company. And when White and Benham reached the Power House the + marvel grew. The rioters were already in possession and going freely over + the whole place, and they had injured nothing. They had stopped the + engines, but they had not even disabled them. Here too manifestly a + majority of the people were, like White and Benham, merely lookers-on. + </p> + <p> + “But this is the most civilized rioting,” said Benham. “It isn't rioting; + it's drifting. Just as things drifted in Moscow. Because nobody has the + rudder.... + </p> + <p> + “What maddens me,” he said, “is the democracy of the whole thing. White! I + HATE this modern democracy. Democracy and inequality! Was there ever an + absurder combination? What is the good of a social order in which the men + at the top are commoner, meaner stuff than the men underneath, the same + stuff, just spoilt, spoilt by prosperity and opportunity and the conceit + that comes with advantage? This trouble wants so little, just a touch of + aristocracy, just a little cultivated magnanimity, just an inkling of + responsibility, and the place might rise instantly out of all this squalor + and evil temper.... What does all this struggle here amount to? On one + side unintelligent greed, unintelligent resentment on the other; suspicion + everywhere.... + </p> + <p> + “And you know, White, at bottom THEY ALL WANT TO BE DECENT! + </p> + <p> + “If only they had light enough in their brains to show them how. It's such + a plain job they have here too, a new city, the simplest industries, + freedom from war, everything to make a good life for men, prosperity, + glorious sunshine, a kind of happiness in the air. And mismanagement, + fear, indulgence, jealousy, prejudice, stupidity, poison it all. A + squabble about working on a Saturday afternoon, a squabble embittered by + this universal shadow of miner's phthisis that the masters were too + incapable and too mean to prevent. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, God!” cried Benham, “when will men be princes and take hold of life? + When will the kingship in us wake up and come to its own?... Look at this + place! Look at this place!... The easy, accessible happiness! The manifest + prosperity. The newness and the sunshine. And the silly bitterness, the + rage, the mischief and miseries!...” + </p> + <p> + And then: “It's not our quarrel....” + </p> + <p> + “It's amazing how every human quarrel draws one in to take sides. Life is + one long struggle against the incidental. I can feel my anger gathering + against the Government here in spite of my reason. I want to go and + expostulate. I have a ridiculous idea that I ought to go off to Lord + Gladstone or Botha and expostulate.... What good would it do? They move in + the magic circles of their own limitations, an official, a politician—how + would they put it?—'with many things to consider....' + </p> + <p> + “It's my weakness to be drawn into quarrels. It's a thing I have to guard + against.... + </p> + <p> + “What does it all amount to? It is like a fight between navvies in a + tunnel to settle the position of the Pole star. It doesn't concern us.... + Oh! it doesn't indeed concern us. It's a scuffle in the darkness, and our + business, the business of all brains, the only permanent good work is to + light up the world.... There will be mischief and hatred here and + suppression and then forgetfulness, and then things will go on again, a + little better or a little worse....” + </p> + <p> + “I'm tired of this place, White, and of all such places. I'm tired of the + shouting and running, the beating and shooting. I'm sick of all the + confusions of life's experience, which tells only of one need amidst an + endless multitude of distresses. I've seen my fill of wars and disputes + and struggles. I see now how a man may grow weary at last of life and its + disorders, its unreal exacting disorders, its blunders and its remorse. + No! I want to begin upon the realities I have made for myself. For they + are the realities. I want to go now to some quiet corner where I can + polish what I have learnt, sort out my accumulations, be undisturbed by + these transitory symptomatic things.... + </p> + <p> + “What was that boy saying? They are burning the STAR office.... Well, let + them....” + </p> + <p> + And as if to emphasize his detachment, his aversion, from the things that + hurried through the night about them, from the red flare in the sky and + the distant shouts and revolver shots and scuffling flights down side + streets, he began to talk again of aristocracy and the making of greatness + and a new great spirit in men. All the rest of his life, he said, must be + given to that. He would say his thing plainly and honestly and afterwards + other men would say it clearly and beautifully; here it would touch a man + and there it would touch a man; the Invisible King in us all would find + himself and know himself a little in this and a little in that, and at + last a day would come, when fair things and fine things would rule the + world and such squalor as this about them would be as impossible any more + for men as a Stone Age Corroboree.... + </p> + <p> + Late or soon? + </p> + <p> + Benham sought for some loose large measure of time. + </p> + <p> + “Before those constellations above us have changed their shapes.... + </p> + <p> + “Does it matter if we work at something that will take a hundred years or + ten thousand years? It will never come in our lives, White. Not soon + enough for that. But after that everything will be soon—when one + comes to death then everything is at one's fingertips—I can feel + that greater world I shall never see as one feels the dawn coming through + the last darkness....” + </p> + <p> + 16 + </p> + <p> + The attack on the Rand Club began while Benham and White were at lunch in + the dining-room at the Sherborough on the day following the burning of the + STAR office. The Sherborough dining-room was on the first floor, and the + Venetian window beside their table opened on to a verandah above a piazza. + As they talked they became aware of an excitement in the street below, + shouting and running and then a sound of wheels and the tramp of a body of + soldiers marching quickly. White stood up and looked. “They're seizing the + stuff in the gunshops,” he said, sitting down again. “It's amazing they + haven't done it before.” + </p> + <p> + They went on eating and discussing the work of a medical mission at Mukden + that had won Benham's admiration.... + </p> + <p> + A revolver cracked in the street and there was a sound of glass smashing. + Then more revolver shots. “That's at the big club at the corner, I think,” + said Benham and went out upon the verandah. + </p> + <p> + Up and down the street mischief was afoot. Outside the Rand Club in the + cross street a considerable mass of people had accumulated, and was being + hustled by a handful of khaki-clad soldiers. Down the street people were + looking in the direction of the market-place and then suddenly a rush of + figures flooded round the corner, first a froth of scattered individuals + and then a mass, a column, marching with an appearance of order and waving + a flag. It was a poorly disciplined body, it fringed out into a swarm of + sympathizers and spectators upon the side walk, and at the head of it two + men disputed. They seemed to be differing about the direction of the whole + crowd. Suddenly one smote the other with his fist, a blow that hurled him + sideways, and then turned with a triumphant gesture to the following + ranks, waving his arms in the air. He was a tall lean man, hatless and + collarless, greyhaired and wild-eyed. On he came, gesticulating gauntly, + past the hotel. + </p> + <p> + And then up the street something happened. Benham's attention was turned + round to it by a checking, by a kind of catch in the breath, on the part + of the advancing procession under the verandah. + </p> + <p> + The roadway beyond the club had suddenly become clear. Across it a dozen + soldiers had appeared and dismounted methodically and lined out, with + their carbines in readiness. The mounted men at the club corner had + vanished, and the people there had swayed about towards this new threat. + Quite abruptly the miscellaneous noises of the crowd ceased. Understanding + seized upon every one. + </p> + <p> + These soldiers were going to fire.... + </p> + <p> + The brown uniformed figures moved like automata; the rifle shots rang out + almost in one report.... + </p> + <p> + There was a rush in the crowd towards doorways and side streets, an + enquiring pause, the darting back of a number of individuals into the + roadway and then a derisive shouting. Nobody had been hit. The soldiers + had fired in the air. + </p> + <p> + “But this is a stupid game,” said Benham. “Why did they fire at all?” + </p> + <p> + The tall man who had led the mob had run out into the middle of the road. + His commando was a little disposed to assume a marginal position, and it + had to be reassured. He was near enough for Benham to see his face. For a + time it looked anxious and thoughtful. Then he seemed to jump to his + decision. He unbuttoned and opened his coat wide as if defying the + soldiers. “Shoot,” he bawled, “Shoot, if you dare!” + </p> + <p> + A little uniform movement of the soldiers answered him. The small figure + of the officer away there was inaudible. The coat of the man below flapped + like the wings of a crowing cock before a breast of dirty shirt, the + hoarse voice cracked with excitement, “Shoot, if you dare. Shoot, if you + dare! See!” + </p> + <p> + Came the metallic bang of the carbines again, and in the instant the + leader collapsed in the road, a sprawl of clothes, hit by half a dozen + bullets. It was an extraordinary effect. As though the figure had been + deflated. It was incredible that a moment before this thing had been a + man, an individual, a hesitating complicated purpose. + </p> + <p> + “Good God!” cried Benham, “but—this is horrible!” + </p> + <p> + The heap of garments lay still. The red hand that stretched out towards + the soldiers never twitched. + </p> + <p> + The spectacular silence broke into a confusion of sounds, women shrieked, + men cursed, some fled, some sought a corner from which they might still + see, others pressed forward. “Go for the swine!” bawled a voice, a third + volley rattled over the heads of the people, and in the road below a man + with a rifle halted, took aim, and answered the soldiers' fire. “Look + out!” cried White who was watching the soldiers, and ducked. “This isn't + in the air!” + </p> + <p> + Came a straggling volley again, like a man running a metal hammer very + rapidly along iron corrugations, and this time people were dropping all + over the road. One white-faced man not a score of yards away fell with a + curse and a sob, struggled up, staggered for some yards with blood running + abundantly from his neck, and fell and never stirred again. Another went + down upon his back clumsily in the roadway and lay wringing his hands + faster and faster until suddenly with a movement like a sigh they dropped + inert by his side. A straw-hatted youth in a flannel suit ran and stopped + and ran again. He seemed to be holding something red and strange to his + face with both hands; above them his eyes were round and anxious. Blood + came out between his fingers. He went right past the hotel and stumbled + and suddenly sprawled headlong at the opposite corner. The majority of the + crowd had already vanished into doorways and side streets. But there was + still shouting and there was still a remnant of amazed and angry men in + the roadway—and one or two angry women. They were not fighting. + Indeed they were unarmed, but if they had had weapons now they would + certainly have used them. + </p> + <p> + “But this is preposterous!” cried Benham. “Preposterous. Those soldiers + are never going to shoot again! This must stop.” + </p> + <p> + He stood hesitating for a moment and then turned about and dashed for the + staircase. “Good Heaven!” cried White. “What are you going to do?” + </p> + <p> + Benham was going to stop that conflict very much as a man might go to stop + a clock that is striking unwarrantably and amazingly. He was going to stop + it because it annoyed his sense of human dignity. + </p> + <p> + White hesitated for a moment and then followed, crying “Benham!” + </p> + <p> + But there was no arresting this last outbreak of Benham's all too + impatient kingship. He pushed aside a ducking German waiter who was + peeping through the glass doors, and rushed out of the hotel. With a + gesture of authority he ran forward into the middle of the street, holding + up his hand, in which he still held his dinner napkin clenched like a + bomb. White believes firmly that Benham thought he would be able to + dominate everything. He shouted out something about “Foolery!” + </p> + <p> + Haroun al Raschid was flinging aside all this sublime indifference to + current things.... + </p> + <p> + But the carbines spoke again. + </p> + <p> + Benham seemed to run unexpectedly against something invisible. He spun + right round and fell down into a sitting position. He sat looking + surprised. + </p> + <p> + After one moment of blank funk White drew out his pocket handkerchief, + held it arm high by way of a white flag, and ran out from the piazza of + the hotel. + </p> + <p> + 17 + </p> + <p> + “Are you hit?” cried White dropping to his knees and making himself as + compact as possible. “Benham!” + </p> + <p> + Benham, after a moment of perplexed thought answered in a strange voice, a + whisper into which a whistling note had been mixed. + </p> + <p> + “It was stupid of me to come out here. Not my quarrel. Faults on both + sides. And now I can't get up. I will sit here a moment and pull myself + together. Perhaps I'm—I must be shot. But it seemed to come—inside + me.... If I should be hurt. Am I hurt?... Will you see to that book of + mine, White? It's odd. A kind of faintness.... What?” + </p> + <p> + “I will see after your book,” said White and glanced at his hand because + it felt wet, and was astonished to discover it bright red. He forgot about + himself then, and the fresh flight of bullets down the street. + </p> + <p> + The immediate effect of this blood was that he said something more about + the book, a promise, a definite promise. He could never recall his exact + words, but their intention was binding. He conveyed his absolute + acquiescence with Benham's wishes whatever they were. His life for that + moment was unreservedly at his friend's disposal.... + </p> + <p> + White never knew if his promise was heard. Benham had stopped speaking + quite abruptly with that “What?” + </p> + <p> + He stared in front of him with a doubtful expression, like a man who is + going to be sick, and then, in an instant, every muscle seemed to give + way, he shuddered, his head flopped, and White held a dead man in his + arms. + </p> + <p> + THE END <br /><br /> + </p> + <div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 1138 ***</div> +</body> +</html> |