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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10839 ***
+
+SUGAR AND SPICE
+
+Comical Tales Comically Dressed
+
+BY JAMES JOHNSON
+
+
+LONDON: DEAN & SON, 160A, FLEET STREET, E.C.
+FACTORS AND CHRISTMAS CARD MANUFACTURERS.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: Front Cover]
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: Sugar and Spice]
+
+  _A knock at the door!
+   A visitor more._
+
+
+
+SUGAR AND SPICE.
+
+
+Our dear children gave a party,
+  Not one grown person there;
+And the laughter, it was hearty,
+  Without a servant's care.
+
+"One must," said they, "a servant be,"
+  And quick they cried, "one should."
+So they cast lots, did that par--ty:
+  The lot fell on T. Good.
+
+They rang the bell, he never came;
+  They called, he would not hear;
+They stamped, but it was all the same,
+  T. Good would not appear.
+
+They coaxed him in with marmalade,
+  To take a letter out.
+He said that he was scarcely made
+  "To post and run about!"
+
+Said he, "I've seen rich people do
+  Kind acts for servants' good;
+But seldom have I known, its true,
+  Them act as e'er they should!
+
+"That is, you know, quite to a T,
+  And sure as eggs are eggs,
+Men-servants in a family,
+  Care mostly for their legs!"
+
+Oh! Tommy was quite rated high
+  By all the children fair.
+He pardon begged, and quick did fly
+  To run both here and there.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Now mind and do as you are bid,
+  Or you'll come in for blame;
+And never let your joy be hid
+  Beneath some passing shame.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: The Little Bootmaker]
+
+  _Knock, knock, knock! paste, paste, paste!
+  Use wax, and thread, and awl each day
+  While there's light to work we'll haste,
+  For health and time soon pass away._
+
+
+
+THE LITTLE BOOTMAKER.
+
+
+Young Franky's boots were sent to be mended. The girl came back and said
+they would not be done for a week; the cobbler was so busy.
+
+Annie, of the same family, who knew nothing of this, sent hers, and said
+they must be done by the next day.
+
+The cobbler said if they brought him two pairs again to do at once, he'd
+knock their heads together with his lasts, and then give them a good
+"welting." He was the only cobbler in the village, or he would not have
+been so independent.
+
+Franky had often watched the boot-maker at his work; so he coaxed his
+father to let him have some money to buy tools and leather, in order
+that he and his sisters might play at making boots and shoes.
+
+He set to work, and they had such fun!
+
+Annie came and asked young master cobbler what time it was; and Franky
+pretended to hit her on the head with a last, and said it had "just
+struck one." Then he measured her, and cut out his vamps, sides,
+linings, welts, soles, and heels. Next he made a soft-like sock of
+leather. This he turned inside out, and did his best to sew on a welt.
+
+The boot was turned out right again, and then he sewed on a thin sole,
+and over this nailed another. The heel he formed by fastening little
+bits of leather one upon the other.
+
+After all this, he took a piece of common glass, and scraped the sides
+and bottoms of the soles, and heel-balled the sides of the soles and
+heels, and the boots were made. He did not try any other ornamental
+work. Of course the young lad could not do this without the help of a
+cobbler, to shew him what and how to do each portion of his boot-making;
+but the man was frightened at having so apt a pupil, and begged pardon
+for his former neglect; for though they were not all they might have
+been; they were boots.
+
+"I see," said he, "if some people neglect their work, there are sure to
+be others about who will soon leave them no business to do."
+
+After this, he would sit for quite half a day at his work without going
+round to the "Cobbler's Arms." Some people said it was the wax that got
+on his seat that made him do it; but I do not think it was.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: The Little Gardener]
+
+  _A flower lives, a flower dies,
+  And we so stand and fall;
+  Some flowers waft scent to the skies,
+  And pleasure give to all._
+
+
+
+THE LITTLE GARDENER.
+
+
+There was no nicer garden in all Surrey than Mr. Woffle's. A funny name
+you'll say, but he couldn't help that. One day he came home, and after
+first kissing his three children, who were all fairly good ones--you
+know what I mean, neither better nor worse than most little children you
+and I know--said, the governess, before he went to business, had
+mentioned that they had of late attended to their lessons, and he should
+be pleased to grant them anything in reason. They all blushed,--Eva, a
+soldier's coat colour! James, a light red! and Edwin, a rose-lozenge
+hue! The fact was, they had all been saying how they should like to
+gather some flowers and have a game at playing at lady and gentleman and
+gardener.
+
+They spoke right out and told their father what was in their minds.
+
+He said "By all means, my dears."
+
+Tom became gardener. You can guess who were the others. A very
+gentlemanly one he was, too. Full of nice bows and smiles. As for Eva,
+she looked quite the grown lady, and acted so well, that when she put
+her hand in her pocket for her purse, Edwin was quite surprised to find
+that only threepenny and fourpenny pieces came out of it.
+
+"Now what sort of bouquets would your ladyship like me to cut?" asked
+Tom, holding up a very pretty rose before his sister.
+
+"I have consulted his lordship, here," answered, Eva, very grandly, "and
+I'll have ten dozen in five minutes, like this one in my hand!"
+
+"I'm pleased, your ladyship," said Tom, respectfully, "that you give me
+plenty of time to execute so large an order, or I might not have been
+able to have come up with them to time!"
+
+"Oh! great people are never in a hurry," quietly remarked Edwin.
+
+Tom cut all the flowers he knew could be spared from the greenhouse, and
+her ladyship and his lordship took them and gave them to a poor girl
+whose sick mother wanted some little pleasure; and the girl sold the
+flowers for gentlemen's button-holes.
+
+When Mr. Woffles heard all about it, he was very pleased, and kissed the
+little Woffles all round. Wasn't it a nice game for rich children to
+play at; to do good to poor ones?
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: The Little Cooks]
+
+  _When children try their best to please,
+  It makes them good and kind,
+  And gives to those they love some ease,
+  And ev'ry comfort find._
+
+
+
+THE LITTLE COOKS.
+
+
+Everybody who knew Frank Green, liked him. He was always trying to do
+something to make those around him comfortable. His brothers, George and
+Edwin, were nice little fellows enough; but Franky, as people loved to
+call him, was the favourite. And he was generally so careful in all he
+undertook, that his parents let him do nearly everything in reason he
+desired.
+
+So, one fine morning, when his mother and father were about to start for
+the Crystal Palace, Frank, who had been sitting on his thumbs and
+thinking very deeply, jumped up all of a sudden and said, (he tried to
+speak in an off-hand manner); "I suppose you couldn't say to a minute,
+could you, when you'll be back?"
+
+Father laughed, and mother turned aside her head for an instant
+
+"And mother's laughing, too," cried little Edwin. You can see him; but
+I'd better introduce them.
+
+1st--Frank: right hand, near oven.
+
+2nd--George: holding bird.
+
+3rd--Edwin: bearing tray and cover.
+
+Now we can go on.
+
+"I know mother's laughing," said Edwin, "because the back of her neck's
+red!"
+
+Mother kissed him, and said she'd be back at five o'clock, exactly; and
+father shook the boys by the hand, and said he'd be home at five, too.
+
+The moment they were gone, Frank beckoned his brothers to him, and said
+in whispers;
+
+"Let's ask the cook to give us leave, and then treat mother and father
+to a jolly good dinner, and cook it ourselves!"
+
+George clapped his hands with delight, and Edwin danced for a moment or
+two quite on his own account.
+
+"Let's have some shrimps and marmalade," said he, about to run out of
+the room.
+
+Frank and George laughed at him and told him he might buy some shrimps
+for a sauce and the marmalade would do for the pastry. They went to
+work, and Frank gave his orders quite like a grand cook. He tried the
+cookery book, but, boy as he was, he threw it away in disgust. "For,"
+said he, "if you live in one town, you'd have to send to another to get
+all the things named in it." They had two nice birds and a joint, and
+many other things.
+
+When their parents came home, and saw the table laid out with what the
+children had paid for out of their pocket money, they were very pleased;
+and, mind, I won't be sure; but I don't think the boys lost anything by
+their generosity. One thing I must tell, you as a secret--Edwin nearly
+shed a tear when he found he had eaten so much of the meat, which his
+money had bought, that he couldn't find room for his marmalade-tart.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: The Young Sportsman]
+
+  _A hare runs away,
+  And little boys play;
+  And girls they have skippers,
+  While maidens work slippers._
+
+
+
+THE YOUNG SPORTSMAN.
+
+
+Henry Downing's father was a gamekeeper; so you will not be surprised to
+hear that he was very fond of playing at hunting and shooting.
+
+His dearest friend was little Minnie Warren. He ran up to her one fine
+September day, and said, "Oh! Minnie, father has been so kind; he has
+given me a hare, and after you and I have had a game at hunting it, I'm
+to give it to you, and you're to give it to your mother to jug. There!
+what say you to that?"
+
+Minnie _was_ pleased.
+
+It was fun to see how they made believe.
+
+Minnie tied, oh! such a long string to the hare's hind legs, and walked
+off a good way; and just as Henry cocked his gun and pretended to fire,
+she gave the string a pull, and off she ran, Henry after her.
+
+They played at this till they were quite tired, and then our little
+friend at last made a pretence of shooting very carefully; and then
+Minnie quite gravely let him come and pick Miss Hare up.
+
+"Now," said Henry, "walk home first and stand at the door with your arms
+crossed, and look quite seriously at me when I come up and give it to
+you. My gun will be in my left hand, and the hare in the other; so I
+shan't be able to take my hat off; but I'll bow twice, and make it up
+that way."
+
+He gave it to her; and Mrs. Warren was pleased when her daughter handed
+her Henry's gift.
+
+You may be sure he was asked to dine with them when it was cooked.
+
+Minnie said the hare turned out tender, on purpose; and Henry added he
+believed he enjoyed the _game_.
+
+Mrs. Warren said it was the knocking about that made it so soft. But it
+came out all right, jugged; and with the black currant jelly it was
+really,--but there! I dare say you know what it was.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: The Little Dauber]
+
+  _Lazy people think they're clever.
+  So won't work like common folk;
+  But in life they'll prosper never,
+  If all's true that I've heard spoke._
+
+
+
+THE LITTLE DAUBER.
+
+
+Mr Frampton was a fashionable portrait painter; and, one day when he was
+out with his wife, young Richard, his son, who was quite a spoiled boy,
+fetched in some of his little acquaintances--two young gentlemen and one
+lady.
+
+"Now," said he, trying to look wise, "Miss Fanny, just stand with
+flowers in your hand while I paint you like a grand lady; and one of you
+quiz the work as it goes on, and the other pretend to be in raptures
+with the portrait."
+
+"Will you write her name under it, when it's done?" asked Bobby Butt,
+who was always ready with his fun.
+
+"No," answered Richard, laughingly; "I shall make it a speaking
+likeness."
+
+"Well, I'm glad of that," returned the lady; "for I shouldn't like to be
+taken with my mouth shut."
+
+So they went to work.
+
+Richard looked at the lady very sharp, particularly with his right
+eye,--you can see him; and Bob took a penny out of his pocket and held
+it in front of him as if it were an eye-glass; and Frank put his right
+leg out, and bent forward and said every now and then, "To a T!"
+"Charming!" "Nature improved!" and other such flatteries.
+
+It was very well to say all this; but the truth must be told: when
+Richard had painted the lady's head and neck, he had no more room on the
+canvas; and what was done was so ugly, that the subject threw her
+bouquet at it. Then Richard sent it back again, at which she boxed his
+ears.
+
+"It certainly is like nothing in the world," said Bob, putting his hands
+before his eyes as he looked at the smudges.
+
+"Of course not," retorted Richard; "it's in the high school of art, and
+is not therefore meant to be natural!"
+
+"Oh! that alters the case," said Frank. After a bit they began to throw
+the things about, and a terrible mess and rout they made.
+
+When they were quite tired, Richard said, "Now I'll show you all my
+toys!" and he was about to go out of the studio to fetch them,--
+
+"Stay where you are!" cried his father, slyly entering. "You have been
+spoiling my things, and romping where you have no business; I must set
+you a task as a punishment, and your friends must go home at once."
+
+All the boys turned red enough without being painted; and Richard's
+father said, quite sternly, "Next time, before you, children, play with,
+and destroy property, just ask yourselves how you would like your
+playthings meddled with and broken?"
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: The Busy Bees]
+
+  _Oh! Boys and Girls can useful prove,
+  If they will only try;
+  And smile and work in some slight groove,
+  As well as play or cry._
+
+
+
+THE BUSY BEES.
+
+
+Little Bob he fetched a board,
+  And then began to saw,
+And Mary Jane said she'd afford
+  Him help to do much more,
+    While he used his--saw! saw! saw!
+
+Young Dick he held his mallet high,
+  And struck the wedge quite bold,
+Until it made the wood quick fly
+  Like feathers with no hold,
+    Blown by the wind quite--cold! cold! cold!
+
+And John and James sawed up and down,
+  John sawed up; James sawed low;
+The birds they flew all o'er the town
+  To tell the folks these things were so,
+      As if they did--know! know! know!
+
+They made some boxes, tops, and hoops,
+  They fashioned bowls and chairs,
+They sold a thousand million scoops,
+  And seven hundred stairs;
+      And this Bob--declares! declares! declares!
+
+Eleven hundred sticks they cut,
+  And all of them good size;
+With a five mile long water-butt,
+  "In which to float," Tom cries,
+    And "Time," they said--"flies! flies! flies!"
+
+Oh! work and play are very good,
+  Work number one, you know;
+Play number two has ever stood
+  The best in this world's show
+    And it should be--so! so! so!
+
+Hence these young children played at work,
+  And thus learnt to work well,
+And now their duties they ne'er shirk,
+  Which is all I've to tell,
+    And you to--spell! spell! spell!
+
+Or, maybe, read and then to write,
+  Until you know it through;
+Which will to you give great delight,
+  And mem'ry strengthen too,
+    As you ought to--do! do! do!
+
+And, who knows, one day you may give
+  Some stories to the young,
+To make your name through ages live
+  And loud your praises sung.
+    Keep your life well--strung! strung! strung!
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: The Little Soldiers]
+
+  _'Tis said 'That he who fights and runs away
+  Is sure to live to fight another day;'
+  But better to clear keep of ev'ry brawl,
+  And then you'll never have to fight at all._
+
+
+
+THE LITTLE SOLDIERS.
+
+
+Robert and Henry Graham were handsome, rich little fellows; but very
+fast and fond of imitating. Indeed, they were more like little men than
+young boys. And as their parents gave them plenty of pocket-money, they
+did many things that otherwise they would not have done. Added to this,
+they were spoiled by their father. You see, it's generally 'mother' who
+does this; so for a wonder we'll have a change.
+
+Well, one day the two boys went to the family tailor, and Robert said,
+very big, "Haw! measure us for two suits of military clothes, officers'
+ones, haw! and see that you send home with them at the same time--swords,
+muskets, canes, sentry box, tents, and all, haw! necessarythings for
+playing at soldiers!"
+
+Now, don't let it slip out of your mind that a bit before this, the
+boys' rich uncle had bought them some beautiful sets of boxes of
+soldiers.
+
+When the clothes and other things came home, these young fellows,
+followed by the dog, which they called their army, dressed themselves,
+cleverly set up their tents, and went to work in good earnest. Billy,
+the dog, sniffed at the butt of the musket to make quite sure that it
+was not loaded. Robert put his glass to his right eye, and having posted
+Henry as a sentry, began to officer over, him, commanding him rather
+more than his brother liked.
+
+It's not a nice thing to see a soldier cry; but if you look at Harry,
+you will find that he feels hurt very much.
+
+"Haw! hem! sir!" roared Robert, "with, haw! the help of my glass I see,
+haw! a speck of rust on one of your buttons, haw! as big as the tip of a
+fly's eyelash!"
+
+The dog at this set up a howl. The howl called their mother's attention
+to the garden, and then she saw them. With a funny smile she took all
+their toy soldiers and walked to her children.
+
+"Haw! Pre-sent, Fire!" cried Bob.
+
+"Certainly," said his mother; and almost before they knew what she was
+about, all the soldiers were set out, just like two armies, and Mrs.
+Graham called the gardener to lay a train of gunpowder, and
+called--mimicking Robert--"Present, Fire!" and set fire to it, and there
+was heard a tremendous "pop," followed by a "puff," and then; no! there
+wasn't a bit of one of all those soldiers and horses left large enough
+to make a match of.
+
+The boys began to cry.
+
+"Now," said their mother, "others, you see, can play at soldiers. What
+right had you to go to the tailor and order clothes of him! neither I
+nor your father gave you permission; I have a great mind to make you go
+to school in those soldiers' suits; and nice fun your play fellows would
+make of you!"
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10839 ***