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diff --git a/10799-0.txt b/10799-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1dbcbf1 --- /dev/null +++ b/10799-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,12210 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10799 *** + +CLARISSA HARLOWE + +or the + +HISTORY OF A YOUNG LADY + +Nine Volumes + +Volume V. + + + +CONTENTS OF VOLUME V + + +LETTER I. Lovelace to Belford.-- +An agreeable airing with the lady. Delightfully easy she. Obsequiously +respectful he. Miss Howe's plot now no longer his terror. Gives the +particulars of their agreeable conversation while abroad. + +LETTER II. From the same.-- +An account of his ipecacuanha plot. Instructs Dorcas how to act surprise +and terror. Monosyllables and trisyllables to what likened. Politeness +lives not in a storm. Proclamation criers. The lady now sees she loves +him. Her generous tenderness for him. He has now credit for a new +score. Defies Mrs. Townsend. + +LETTER III. Clarissa to Miss Howe.-- +Acknowledged tenderness for Lovelace. Love for a man of errors +punishable. + +LETTER IV. Lovelace to Belford.-- +Suspicious inquiry after him and the lady by a servant in livery from one +Captain Tomlinson. Her terrors on the occasion. His alarming +management. She resolves not to stir abroad. He exults upon her not +being willing to leave him. + +LETTER V. VI. From the same.-- +Arrival of Captain Tomlinson, with a pretended commission from Mr. John +Harlowe to set on foot a general reconciliation, provided he can be +convinced that they are actually married. Different conversations on this +occasion.--The lady insists that the truth be told to Tomlinson. She +carries her point through to the disappointment of one of his private +views. He forms great hopes of success from the effects of his +ipecacuanha contrivance. + +LETTER VII. Lovelace to Belford.-- +He makes such a fair representation to Tomlinson of the situation between +him and the lady, behaves so plausibly, and makes an overture so +generous, that she is all kindness and unreserved to him. Her affecting +exultation on her amended prospects. His unusual sensibility upon it. +Reflection on the good effects of education. Pride an excellent +substitute to virtue. + +LETTER VIII. From the same.-- +Who Tomlinson is. Again makes Belford object, in order to explain his +designs by answering the objections. John Harlowe a sly sinner. Hard- +hearted reasons for giving the lady a gleam of joy. Illustrated by a +story of two sovereigns at war. + +Extracts from Clarissa's letter to Miss Howe. She rejoices in her +present agreeable prospects. Attributes much to Mr. Hickman. Describes +Captain Tomlinson. Gives a character of Lovelace, [which is necessary to +be attended to: especially by those who have thought favourably of him +for some of his liberal actions, and hardly of her for the distance she +at first kept him at.] + +LETTER IX. Lovelace to Belford.-- +Letter from Lord M. His further arts and precautions. His happy day +promised to be soon. His opinion of the clergy, and of going to church. +She pities every body who wants pity. Loves every body. He owns he +should be the happiest of men, could he get over his prejudices against +matrimony. Draughts of settlements. Ludicrously accounts for the reason +why she refuses to hear them read to her. Law and gospel two different +things. Sally flings her handkerchief in his face. + +LETTER X. From the same.-- +Has made the lady more than once look about her. She owns that he is +more than indifferent to her. Checks him with sweetness of temper for +his encroaching freedoms. Her proof of true love. He ridicules marriage +purity. Severely reflects upon public freedoms between men and their +wives. Advantage he once made upon such an occasion. Has been after a +license. Difficulty in procuring one. Great faults and great virtues +often in the same person. He is willing to believe that women have no +souls. His whimsical reasons. + +LETTER XI. Lovelace to Belford.-- +Almost despairs of succeeding (as he had hoped) by love and gentleness. +Praises her modesty. His encroaching freedoms resented by her. The +woman, he observes, who resents not initiatory freedoms, must be lost. +He reasons, in his free way, upon her delicacy. Art of the Eastern +monarchs. + +LETTER XII. From the same.-- +A letter from Captain Tomlinson makes all up. Her uncle Harlowe's +pretended proposal big with art and plausible delusion. She acquiesces +in it. He writes to the pretended Tomlinson, on an affecting hint of +her's, requesting that her uncle Harlowe would, in person, give his niece +to him; or permit Tomlinson to be his proxy on the occasion.--And now for +a little of mine, he says, which he has ready to spring. + +LETTER XIII. Belford to Lovelace.-- +Again earnestly expostulates with him in the lady's favour. Remembers +and applauds the part she bore in the conversation at his collation. The +frothy wit of libertines how despicable. Censures the folly, the +weakness, the grossness, the unpermanency of sensual love. Calls some of +his contrivances trite, stale, and poor. Beseeches him to remove her +from the vile house. How many dreadful stories could the horrid Sinclair +tell the sex! Serious reflections on the dying state of his uncle. + +LETTER XIV. Lovelace to Belford.-- +Cannot yet procure a license. Has secured a retreat, if not victory. +Defends in anger the simplicity of his inventive contrivances. Enters +upon his general defence, compared with the principles and practices of +other libertines. Heroes and warlike kings worse men than he. Epitome +of his and the lady's story after ten years' cohabitation. Caution to +those who would censure him. Had the sex made virtue a recommendation to +their favour, he says, he should have had a greater regard to his morals +than he has had. + +LETTER XV. From the same.-- +Preparative to his little mine, as he calls it. Loves to write to the +moment. Alarm begins. Affectedly terrified. + +LETTER XVI. From the same.-- +The lady frighted out of her bed by dreadful cries of fire. She awes him +into decency. On an extorted promise of forgiveness, he leaves her. +Repenting, he returns; but finds her door fastened. What a triumph has +her sex obtained by her virtue! But how will she see him next morning, +as he has given her. + +LETTER XVII. Lovelace to Belford.-- +Dialogue with Clarissa, the door between them. Her letter to him. She +will not see him for a week. + +LETTER XVIII. From the same.-- +Copies of letters that pass between them. Goes to the commons to try to +get the license. She shall see him, he declares, on his return. Love +and compassion hard to be separated. Her fluctuating reasons on their +present situation. Is jealous of her superior qualities. Does justice +to her immovable virtue. + +LETTER XIX. From the same.-- +The lady escaped. His rage. Makes a solemn vow of revenge, if once more +he gets her into his power. His man Will. is gone in search of her. His +hopes; on what grounded. He will advertise her. Describes her dress. +Letter left behind her. Accuses her (that is to say, LOVELACE accuses +her,) of niceness, prudery, affectation. + +LETTER XX. From the same.-- +A letter from Miss Howe to Clarissa falls into his hands; which, had it +come to her's, would have laid open and detected all his designs. In it +she acquits Clarissa of prudery, coquetry, and undue reserve. Admires, +applauds, blesses her for the example she has set for her sex, and for +the credit she has done it, by her conduct in the most difficult +situations. + +[This letter may be considered as a kind of summary of Clarissa's trials, +her persecutions, and exemplary conduct hitherto; and of Mr. Lovelace's +intrigues, plots, and views, so far as Miss Howe could be supposed to +know them, or to guess at them.] + +A letter from Lovelace, which farther shows the fertility of his +contriving genius. + +LETTER XXI. Clarissa to Miss Howe.-- +Informs her of Lovelace's villany, and of her escape. Her only concern, +what. The course she intends to pursue. + +LETTER XXII. Lovelace to Belford.-- +Exults on hearing, from his man Will., that the lady has refuged herself +at Hampstead. Observations in a style of levity on some passages in the +letter she left behind her. Intimates that Tomlinson is arrived to aid +his purposes. The chariot is come; and now, dressed like a bridegroom, +attended by a footman she never saw, he is already, he says, at +Hampstead. + +LETTER XXIII. XXIV. Lovelace to Belford.-- +Exults on his contrivances.--By what means he gets into the lady's +presence at Mrs. Moore's. Her terrors, fits, exclamations. His +plausible tales to Mrs. Moore and Miss Rawlins. His intrepid behaviour +to the lady. Copies of letters from Tomlinson, and of pretended ones +from his own relations, calculated to pacify and delude her. + +LETTER XXV. XXVI. From the same.-- +His farther arts, inventions, and intrepidity. She puts home questions +to him. 'Ungenerous and ungrateful she calls him. He knows not the +value of the heart he had insulted. He had a plain path before him, +after he had tricked her out of her father's house! But that now her +mind was raised above fortune, and above him.' His precautionary +contrivances. + +LETTER XXVII. XXVIII. XXX. XXXI. XXXII. From the same.-- +Character of widow Bevis. Prepossesses the women against Miss Howe. +Leads them to think she is in love with him. Apt himself to think so; +and why. Women like not novices; and why. Their vulgar aphorism +animadverted on. Tomlinson arrives. Artful conversation between them. +Miss Rawlins's prudery. His forged letter in imitation of Miss Howe's, +No. IV. Other contrivances to delude the lady, and attach the women to +his party. + + +LETTER XXXIII. XXXIV. XXXV. XXXVI. From the same.-- +Particulars of several interesting conversations between himself, +Tomlinson, and the lady. Artful management of the two former. Her noble +spirit. He tells Tomlinson before her that he never had any proof of +affection from her. She frankly owns the regard she once had for him. +'He had brought her,' she tells Tomlinson and him, 'more than once to own +it to him. Nor did his own vanity, she was sure, permit him to doubt of +it. He had kept her soul in suspense an hundred times.' Both men +affected in turn by her noble behaviour, and great sentiments. Their +pleas, prayers, prostrations, to move her to relent. Her distress. + + + + +THE HISTORY + +OF + +CLARISSA HARLOWE + + + +LETTER I + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +FRIDAY EVENING. + + +Just returned from an airing with my charmer, complied with after great +importunity. She was attended by the two nymphs. They both topt their +parts; kept their eyes within bounds; made moral reflections now-and- +then. O Jack! what devils are women, when all tests are got over, and we +have completely ruined them! + +The coach carried us to Hampstead, to Highgate, to Muswell-hill; back to +Hampstead to the Upper-Flask: there, in compliment to the nymphs, my +beloved consented to alight, and take a little repast. Then home early +by Kentish-town. + +Delightfully easy she, and so respectful and obliging I, all the way, and +as we walked out upon the heath, to view the variegated prospects which +that agreeable elevation affords, that she promised to take now-and-then +a little excursion with me. I think, Miss Howe, I think, said I to +myself, every now-and-then as we walked, that thy wicked devices are +superceded. + +But let me give thee a few particulars of our conversation in the +circumrotation we took, while in the coach--She had received a letter +from Miss Howe yesterday, I presumed? + +She made no answer. How happy should I think myself to be admitted into +their correspondence? I would joyfully make an exchange of +communications. + +So, though I hoped not to succeed by her consent, [and little did she +think I had so happily in part succeeded without it,] I thought it not +amiss to urge for it, for several reasons: among others, that I might +account to her for my constant employment at my pen; in order to take off +her jealousy, that she was the subject of thy correspondence and mine: +and that I might justify my secrecy and uncommunicativeness by her own. + +I proceeded therefore--That I loved familiar-letter-writing, as I had +more than once told her, above all the species of writing: it was writing +from the heart, (without the fetters prescribed by method or study,) as +the very word cor-respondence implied. Not the heart only; the soul was +in it. Nothing of body, when friend writes to friend; the mind impelling +sovereignly the vassal-fingers. It was, in short, friendship recorded; +friendship given under hand and seal; demonstrating that the parties were +under no apprehension of changing from time or accident, when they so +liberally gave testimonies, which would always be ready, on failure or +infidelity, to be turned against them.--For my own part, it was the +principal diversion I had in her absence; but for this innocent +amusement, the distance she so frequently kept me at would have been +intolerable. + +Sally knew my drift; and said, She had had the honour to see two or three +of my letters, and of Mr. Belford's; and she thought them the most +entertaining that she had ever read. + +My friend Belford, I said, had a happy talent in the letter-writing way; +and upon all subjects. + +I expected my beloved would have been inquisitive after our subject: but +(lying perdue, as I saw) not a word said she. So I touched upon this +article myself. + +Our topics were various and diffuse: sometimes upon literary articles +[she was very attentive upon this]; sometimes upon the public +entertainments; sometimes amusing each other with the fruits of the +different correspondencies we held with persons abroad, with whom we +had contracted friendships; sometimes upon the foibles and perfections +of our particular friends; sometimes upon our own present and future +hopes; sometimes aiming at humour and raillery upon each other.--It might +indeed appear to savour of vanity, to suppose my letters would entertain +a lady of her delicacy and judgment: but yet I could not but say, that +perhaps she would be far from thinking so hardly of me as sometimes she +had seemed to do, if she were to see the letters which generally passed +between Mr. Belford and me [I hope, Jack, thou hast more manners, than to +give me the lie, though but in thy heart]. + +She then spoke: after declining my compliment in such a manner, as only a +person can do, who deserved it, she said, For her part, she had always +thought me a man of sense [a man of sense, Jack! What a niggardly +praise!],--and should therefore hope, that, when I wrote, it exceeded +even my speech: for that it was impossible, be the letters written in as +easy and familiar a style as they would, but that they must have that +advantage from sitting down to write them which prompt speech could not +always have. She should think it very strange therefore, if my letters +were barren of sentiment; and as strange, if I gave myself liberties upon +premeditation, which could have no excuse at all, but from a +thoughtlessness, which itself wanted excuse.--But if Mr. Belford's +letters and mine were upon subjects so general, and some of them equally +(she presumed) instructive and entertaining, she could not but say, that +she should be glad to see any of them; and particularly those which Miss +Martin had seen and praised. + +This was put close. + +I looked at her, to see if I could discover any tincture of jealousy in +this hint; that Miss Martin had seen what I had not shown to her. But +she did not look it: so I only said, I should be very proud to show her +not only those, but all that passed between Mr. Belford and me; but I +must remind her, that she knew the condition. + +No, indeed! with a sweet lip pouted out, as saucy as pretty; implying a +lovely scorn, that yet can only be lovely in youth so blooming, and +beauty so divinely distinguished. + +How I long to see such a motion again! Her mouth only can give it. + +But I am mad with love--yet eternal will be the distance, at the rate I +go on: now fire, now ice, my soul is continually upon the hiss, as I may +say. In vain, however, is the trial to quench--what, after all, is +unquenchable. + +Pr'ythee, Belford, forgive my nonsense, and my Vulcan-like metaphors--Did +I not tell thee, not that I am sick of love, but that I am mad with it? +Why brought I such an angel into such a house? into such company?--And +why do I not stop my ears to the sirens, who, knowing my aversion to +wedlock, are perpetually touching that string? + +I was not willing to be answered so easily: I was sure, that what passed +between two such young ladies (friends so dear) might be seen by every +body: I had more reason than any body to wish to see the letters that +passed between her and Miss Howe; because I was sure they must be full of +admirable instruction, and one of the dear correspondents had deigned to +wish my entire reformation. + +She looked at me as if she would look me through: I thought I felt eye- +beam, after eye-beam, penetrate my shivering reins.--But she was silent. +Nor needed her eyes the assistance of speech. + +Nevertheless, a little recovering myself, I hoped that nothing unhappy +had befallen either Miss Howe or her mother. The letter of yesterday +sent by a particular hand: she opening it with great emotion--seeming to +have expected it sooner--were the reasons for my apprehensions. + +We were then at Muswell-hill: a pretty country within the eye, to Polly, +was the remark, instead of replying to me. + +But I was not so to be answered--I should expect some charming subjects +and characters from two such pens: I hoped every thing went on well +between Mr. Hickman and Miss Howe. Her mother's heart, I said, was set +upon that match: Mr. Hickman was not without his merits: he was what the +ladies called a SOBER man: but I must needs say, that I thought Miss Howe +deserved a husband of a very different cast! + +This, I supposed, would have engaged her into a subject from which I +could have wiredrawn something:--for Hickman is one of her favourites-- +why, I can't divine, except for the sake of opposition of character to +that of thy honest friend. + +But she cut me short by a look of disapprobation, and another cool remark +upon a distant view; and, How far off, Miss Horton, do you think that +clump of trees may be? pointing out of the coach.--So I had done. + +Here endeth all I have to write concerning our conversation on this our +agreeable airing. + +We have both been writing ever since we came home. I am to be favoured +with her company for an hour, before she retires to rest. + +All that obsequious love can suggest, in order to engage her tenderest +sentiments for me against tomorrow's sickness, will I aim at when we +meet. But at parting will complain of a disorder in my stomach. + + +*** + + +We have met. All was love and unexceptionable respect on my part. Ease +and complaisance on her's. She was concerned for my disorder. So +sudden!--Just as we parted! But it was nothing. I should be quite well +by the morning. + +Faith, Jack, I think I am sick already. Is it possible for such a giddy +fellow as me to persuade myself to be ill! I am a better mimic at this +rate than I wish to be. But every nerve and fibre of me is always ready +to contribute its aid, whether by health or by ailment, to carry a +resolved-on roguery into execution. + +Dorcas has transcribed for me the whole letter of Miss Howe, dated +Sunday, May 14,* of which before I had only extracts. She found no other +letter added to that parcel: but this, and that which I copied myself in +character last Sunday whilst she was at church, relating to the smuggling +scheme,** are enough for me. + + +* See Vol. IV. Letter XXIX. +** Ibid. Letter XLII. + + +*** + + +Dorcas tells me, that her lady has been removing her papers from the +mahogany chest into a wainscot box, which held her linen, and which she +put into her dark closet. We have no key of that at present. No doubt +but all her letters, previous to those I have come at, are in that box. +Dorcas is uneasy upon it: yet hopes that her lady does not suspect her; +for she is sure that she laid in every thing as she found it. + + + +LETTER II + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +COCOA-TREE, SATURDAY, MAY 27. + +This ipecacuanha is a most disagreeable medicine. That these cursed +physical folks can find out nothing to do us good, but what would poison +the devil! In the other world, were they only to take physic, it would +be punishable enough of itself for a mis-spent life. A doctor at one +elbow, and an apothecary at the other, and the poor soul labouring under +their prescribed operations, he need no worse tormentors. + +But now this was to take down my countenance. It has done it: for, with +violent reachings, having taken enough to make me sick, and not enough +water to carry it off, I presently looked as if I had kept my bed a +fortnight. Ill jesting, as I thought in the midst of the exercise, with +edge tools, and worse with physical ones. + +Two hours it held me. I had forbid Dorcas to let her lady know any thing +of the matter; out of tenderness to her; being willing, when she knew my +prohibition, to let her see that I expected her to be concerned for me.-- + +Well, but Dorcas was nevertheless a woman, and she can whisper to her +lady the secret she is enjoined to keep! + +Come hither, toad, [sick as the devil at the instant]; let me see what a +mixture of grief and surprize may be beat up together in thy puden-face. + +That won't do. That dropt jaw, and mouth distended into the long oval, +is more upon the horrible than the grievous. + +Nor that pinking and winking with thy odious eyes, as my charmer once +called them. + +A little better that; yet not quite right: but keep your mouth closer. +You have a muscle or two which you have no command of, between your +cheek-bone and your lips, that should carry one corner of your mouth +up towards your crow's-foot, and that down to meet it. + +There! Begone! Be in a plaguy hurry running up stair and down, to fetch +from the dining-room what you carry up on purpose to fetch, till motion +extraordinary put you out of breath, and give you the sigh natural. + +What's the matter, Dorcas? + +Nothing, Madam. + +My beloved wonders she has not seen me this morning, no doubt; but is too +shy to say she wonders. Repeated What's the matter, however, as Dorcas +runs up and down stairs by her door, bring on, O Madam! my master! my +poor master! + +What! How! When!--and all the monosyllables of surprize. + +[Within parentheses let me tell thee, that I have often thought, that the +little words in the republic of letters, like the little folks in a nation, +are the most significant. The trisyllables, and the rumblers of syllables +more than three, are but the good-for-little magnates.] + +I must not tell you, Madam--My master ordered me not to tell you--but he +is in a worse way than he thinks for!--But he would not have you +frighted. + +High concern took possession of every sweet feature. She pitied me!--by +my soul, she pitied me! + +Where is he? + +Too much in a hurry for good manners, [another parenthesis, Jack! Good +manners are so little natural, that we ought to be composed to observe +them: politeness will not live in a storm]. I cannot stay to answer +questions, cries the wench--though desirous to answer [a third +parenthesis--Like the people crying proclamations, running away from the +customers they want to sell to]. This hurry puts the lady in a hurry to +ask, [a fourth, by way of establishing the third!] as the other does the +people in a hurry to buy. And I have in my eye now a whole street +raised, and running after a proclamation or express-crier, as if the +first was a thief, the other his pursuers. + +At last, O Lord! let Mrs. Lovelace know!--There is danger, to be sure! +whispered from one nymph to another; but at the door, and so loud, that +my listening fair-one might hear. + +Out she darts--As how! as how, Dorcas! + +O Madam--A vomiting of blood! A vessel broke, to be sure! + +Down she hastens; finds every one as busy over my blood in the entry, +as if it were that of the Neapolitan saint. + +In steps my charmer, with a face of sweet concern. + +How do you, Mr. Lovelace? + +O my best love!--Very well!--Very well!--Nothing at all! nothing of +consequence!--I shall be well in an instant!--Straining again! for I was +indeed plaguy sick, though no more blood came. + +In short, Belford, I have gained my end. I see the dear soul loves me. +I see she forgives me all that's past. I see I have credit for a new +score. + +Miss Howe, I defy thee, my dear--Mrs. Townsend!--Who the devil are you?-- +Troop away with your contrabands. No smuggling! nor smuggler, but +myself! Nor will the choicest of my fair-one's favours be long +prohibited goods to me! + + +*** + + +Every one is now sure that she loves me. Tears were in her eyes more +than once for me. She suffered me to take her hand, and kiss it as often +as I pleased. On Mrs. Sinclair's mentioning, that I too much confined +myself, she pressed me to take an airing; but obligingly desired me to be +careful of myself. Wished I would advise with a physician. God made +physicians, she said. + +I did not think that, Jack. God indeed made us all. But I fancy she +meant physic instead of physicians; and then the phrase might mean what +the vulgar phrase means;--God sends meat, the Devil cooks. + +I was well already, on taking the styptic from her dear hands. + +On her requiring me to take the air, I asked, If I might have the honour +of her company in a coach; and this, that I might observe if she had an +intention of going out in my absence. + +If she thought a chair were not a more proper vehicle for my case, she +would with all her heart! + +There's a precious! + +I kissed her hand again! She was all goodness!--Would to Heaven I better +deserved it, I said!--But all were golden days before us!--Her presence +and generous concern had done every thing. I was well! Nothing ailed +me. But since my beloved will have it so, I'll take a little airing!-- +Let a chair be called!--O my charmer! were I to have owned this +indisposition to my late harasses, and to the uneasiness I have had for +disobliging you; all is infinitely compensated by your goodness.--All the +art of healing is in your smiles!--Your late displeasure was the only +malady! + +While Mrs. Sinclair, and Dorcas, and Polly, and even poor silly Mabell +[for Sally went out, as my angel came in] with uplifted hands and eyes, +stood thanking Heaven that I was better, in audible whispers: See the +power of love, cried one!--What a charming husband, another!--Happy +couple, all! + +O how the dear creature's cheek mantled!--How her eyes sparkled!--How +sweetly acceptable is praise to conscious merit, while it but reproaches +when applied to the undeserving!--What a new, what a gay creation it +makes all at once in a diffident or dispirited heart! + +And now, Belford, was it not worth while to be sick? And yet I must tell +thee, that too many pleasanter expedients offer themselves, to make trial +any more of this confounded ipecacuanha. + + + +LETTER III + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE +SATURDAY, MAY 27. + + +Mr. Lovelace, my dear, has been very ill. Suddenly taken. With a +vomiting of blood in great quantities. Some vessel broken. He +complained of a disorder in his stomach over night. I was the +affected with it, as I am afraid it was occasioned by the violent +contentions between us.--But was I in fault? + +How lately did I think I hated him!--But hatred and anger, I see, are but +temporary passions with me. One cannot, my dear, hate people in danger +of death, or who are in distress or affliction. My heart, I find, is not +proof against kindness, and acknowledgements of errors committed. + +He took great care to have his illness concealed from me as long as he +could. So tender in the violence of his disorder!--So desirous to make +the best of it!--I wish he had not been ill in my sight. I was too much +affected--every body alarming me with his danger. The poor man, from +such high health, so suddenly taken!--and so unprepared!-- + +He is gone out in a chair. I advised him to do so. I fear that my +advice was wrong; since quiet in such a disorder must needs be best. We +are apt to be so ready, in cases of emergency, to give our advice, +without judgment, or waiting for it!--I proposed a physician indeed; but +he would not hear of one. I have great honour for the faculty; and the +greater, as I have always observed that those who treat the professors of +the art of healing contemptuously, too generally treat higher +institutions in the same manner. + +I am really very uneasy. For I have, I doubt, exposed myself to him, and +to the women below. They indeed will excuse me, as they think us +married. But if he be not generous, I shall have cause to regret this +surprise; which (as I had reason to think myself unaccountably treated by +him) has taught me more than I knew of myself. + +'Tis true, I have owned more than once, that I could have liked Mr. +Lovelace above all men. I remember the debates you and I used to have on +this subject, when I was your happy guest. You used to say, and once you +wrote,* that men of his cast are the men that our sex do not naturally +dislike: While I held, that such were not (however that might be) the men +we ought to like. But what with my relations precipitating of me, on one +hand, and what with his unhappy character, and embarrassing ways, on the +other, I had no more leisure than inclination to examine my own heart in +this particular. And this reminds me of a transcribe, though it was +written in raillery. 'May it not be,' say you,** 'that you have had such +persons to deal with, as have not allowed you to attend to the throbs; or +if you had them a little now-and-then, whether, having had two accounts +to place them to, you have not by mistake put them to the wrong one?' A +passage, which, although it came into my mind when Mr. Lovelace was least +exceptionable, yet that I have denied any efficacy to, when he has teased +and vexed me, and given me cause of suspicion. For, after all, my dear, +Mr. Lovelace is not wise in all his ways. And should we not endeavour, +as much as is possible, (where we are not attached by natural ties,) to +like and dislike as reason bids us, and according to the merit or demerit +of the object? If love, as it is called, is allowed to be an excuse for +our most unreasonable follies, and to lay level all the fences that a +careful education has surrounded us by, what is meant by the doctrine of +subduing our passions?--But, O my dearest friend, am I not guilty of a +punishable fault, were I to love this man of errors? And has not my own +heart deceived me, when I thought it did not? And what must be that love, +that has not some degree of purity for its object? I am afraid of +recollecting some passages in my cousin Morden's letter.***--And yet why +fly I from subjects that, duly considered, might tend to correct and +purify my heart? I have carried, I doubt, my notions on this head too +high, not for practice, but for my practice. Yet think me not guilty of +prudery neither; for had I found out as much of myself before; or, +rather, had he given me heart's ease enough before to find it out, you +should have had my confession sooner. + + +* See Vol. IV. Letter XXXIV. +** See Vol. I. Letter XII. +*** See Vol. IV. Letter XIX, & seq. + + +Nevertheless, let me tell you (what I hope I may justly tell you,) that +if again he give me cause to resume distance and reserve, I hope my +reason will gather strength enough from his imperfections to enable me to +keep my passions under.--What can we do more than govern ourselves by the +temporary lights lent us? + +You will not wonder that I am grave on this detection--Detection, must I +call it? What can I call it?-- + +Dissatisfied with myself, I am afraid to look back upon what I have +written: yet know not how to have done writing. I never was in such an +odd frame of mind.--I know not how to describe it.--Was you ever so?-- +Afraid of the censure of her you love--yet not conscious that you deserve +it? + +Of this, however, I am convinced, that I should indeed deserve censure, +if I kept any secret of my heart from you. + +But I will not add another word, after I have assured you, that I will +look still more narrowly into myself: and that I am + +Your equally sincere and affectionate +CL. HARLOWE. + + + +LETTER IV + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +SAT. EVENING. + + +I had a charming airing. No return of my malady. My heart was perfectly +easy, how could my stomach be otherwise? + +But when I came home, I found that my sweet soul had been alarmed by a +new incident--The inquiry after us both, in a very suspicious manner, and +that by description of our persons, and not by names, by a servant in a +blue livery turn'd up and trimm'd with yellow. + +Dorcas was called to him, as the upper servant; and she refusing to +answer any of the fellow's questions, unless he told his business, and +from whom he came, the fellow (as short as she) said, that if she would +not answer him, perhaps she might answer somebody else; and went away out +of humour. + +Dorcas hurried up to her Lady, and alarmed her, not only with the fact, +but with her own conjectures; adding, that he was an ill-looking fellow, +and she was sure could come for no good. + +The livery and the features of the servant were particularly inquired +after, and as particularly described--Lord bless her! no end of her +alarms, she thought! And then did her apprehensions anticipate every +evil that could happen. + +She wished Mr. Lovelace would come in. + +Mr. Lovelace came in soon after; all lively, grateful, full of hopes, of +duty, of love, to thank his charmer, and to congratulate with her upon +the cure she had performed. And then she told the story, with all its +circumstances; and Dorcas, to point her lady's fears, told us, that the +servant was a sun-burnt fellow, and looked as if he had been at sea. + +He was then, no doubt, Captain Singleton's servant, and the next news she +should hear, was, that the house was surrounded by a whole ship's crew; +the vessel lying no farther off, as she understood, than Rotherhithe. + +Impossible, I said. Such an attempt would not be ushered in by such a +manner of inquiry. And why may it not rather be a servant of your cousin +Morden, with notice of his arrival, and of his design to attend you? + +This surmise delighted her. Her apprehensions went off, and she was at +leisure to congratulate me upon my sudden recovery; which she did in the +most obliging manner. + +But we had not sat long together, when Dorcas again came fluttering up to +tell us, that the footman, the very footman, was again at the door, and +inquired, whether Mr. Lovelace and his lady, by name, had not lodgings in +this house? He asked, he told Dorcas, for no harm. But his disavowing +of harm, was a demonstration with my apprehensive fair-one, that harm was +intended. And as the fellow had not been answered by Dorcas, I proposed +to go down to the street-parlour, and hear what he had to say. + +I see your causeless terror, my dearest life, said I, and your impatience +--Will you be pleased to walk down--and, without being observed, (for he +shall come no farther than the parlour-door,) you may hear all that +passes? + +She consented. We went down. Dorcas bid the man come forward. Well, +friend, what is your business with Mr. and Mrs. Lovelace? + +Bowing, scraping, I am sure you are the gentleman, Sir. Why, Sir, my +business is only to know if your honour be here, and to be spoken with; +or if you shall be here for any time? + +Whom came you from? + +From a gentleman who ordered me to say, if I was made to tell, but not +else, it was from a friend of Mr. John Harlowe, Mrs. Lovelace's eldest +uncle. + +The dear creature was ready to sink upon this. It was but of late that +she had provided herself with salts. She pulled them out. + +Do you know anything of Colonel Morden, friend? said I. + +No; I never heard of his name. + +Of Captain Singleton? + +No, Sir. But the gentleman, my master, is a Captain too. + +What is his name? + +I don't know if I should tell. + +There can be no harm in telling the gentleman's name, if you come upon +a good account. + +That I do; for my master told me so; and there is not an honester +gentleman on the face of God's yearth.--His name is Captain Tomlinson, +Sir. + +I don't know such a one. + +I believe not, Sir. He was pleased to say, he don't know your honor, +Sir; but I heard him say as how he should not be an unwelcome visiter to +you for all that. + +Do you know such a man as Captain Tomlinson, my dearest life, [aside,] +your uncle's friend? + +No; but my uncle may have acquaintance, no doubt, that I don't know.-- +But I hope [trembling] this is not a trick. + +Well, friend, if your master has anything to say to Mr. Lovelace, you may +tell him, that Mr. Lovelace is here; and will see him whenever he +pleases. + +The dear creature looked as if afraid that my engagement was too prompt +for my own safety; and away went the fellow--I wondering, that she might +not wonder, that this Captain Tomlinson, whoever he were, came not +himself, or sent not a letter the second time, when he had reason to +suppose that I might be here. + +Mean time, for fear that this should be a contrivance of James Harlowe, +who, I said, love plotting, though he had not a head turned for it, I +gave some precautionary directions to the servants, and the women, whom, +for the greater parade, I assembled before us, and my beloved was +resolved not to stir abroad till she saw the issue of this odd affair. + +And here must I close, though in so great a puzzle. + +Only let me add, that poor Belton wants thee; for I dare not stir for my +life. + +Mowbray and Tourville skulk about like vagabonds, without heads, without +hands, without souls; having neither you nor me to conduct them. They +tell me, they shall rust beyond the power of oil or action to brighten +them up, or give them motion. + +How goes it with thy uncle? + + + +LETTER V + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +SUNDAY, MAY 28. + + +This story of Captain Tomlinson employed us not only for the time we were +together last night, but all the while we sat at breakfast this morning. +She would still have it that it was the prelude to some mischief from +Singleton. I insisted (according to my former hint) that it might much +more probably be a method taken by Colonel Morden to alarm her, previous +to a personal visit. Travelled gentlemen affected to surprise in this +manner. And why, dearest creature, said I, must every thing that +happens, which we cannot immediately account for, be what we least wish? + +She had had so many disagreeable things befall her of late, that her +fears were too often stronger than her hopes. + +And this, Madam, makes me apprehensive, that you will get into so low- +spirited a way, that you will not be able to enjoy the happiness that +seems to await us. + +Her duty and her gratitude, she gravely said, to the Dispenser of all +good, would secure her, she hoped, against unthankfulness. And a +thankful spirit was the same as a joyful one. + +So, Belford, for all her future joys she depends entirely upon the +invisible Good. She is certainly right; since those who fix least upon +second causes are the least likely to be disappointed--And is not this +gravity for her gravity? + +She had hardly done speaking, when Dorcas came running up in a hurry-- +she set even my heart into a palpitation--thump, thump, thump, like a +precipitated pendulum in a clock-case--flutter, flutter, flutter, my +charmer's, as by her sweet bosom rising to her chin I saw. + +This lower class of people, my beloved herself observed, were for ever +aiming at the stupid wonderful, and for making even common incidents +matter of surprise. + +Why the devil, said I to the wench, this alarming hurry?--And with your +spread fingers, and your O Madams, and O Sirs!--and be cursed to you! +Would there have been a second of time difference, had you come up +slowly? + +Captain Tomlinson, Sir! + +Captain Devilson, what care I?--Do you see how you have disordered your +lady? + +Good Mr. Lovelace, said my charmer, trembling [see, Jack, when she has an +end to serve, I am good Mr. Lovelace,] if--if my brother,--if Captain +Singleton should appear--pray now--I beseech you--let me beg of you--to +govern your temper--My brother is my brother--Captain Singleton is but an +agent. + +My dearest life, folding my arms about her, [when she asks favours, +thought I, the devil's in it, if she will not allow such an innocent +freedom as this, from good Mr. Lovelace too,] you shall be witness of all +passes between us.--Dorcas, desire the gentleman to walk up. + +Let me retire to my chamber first!--Let me not be known to be in the +house! + +Charming dear!--Thou seest, Belford, she is afraid of leaving me!--O the +little witchcrafts! Were it not for surprises now-and-then, how would an +honest man know where to have them? + +She withdrew to listen.--And though this incident has not turned out to +answer all I wished from it, yet is it not necessary, if I would acquaint +thee with my whole circulation, to be very particular in what passed +between Captain Tomlinson and me. + + +Enter Captain Tomlinson, in a riding-dress, whip in hand. + +Your servant, Sir,--Mr. Lovelace, I presume? + +My name is Lovelace, Sir. + +Excuse the day, Sir.--Be pleased to excuse my garb. I am obliged to go +out of town directly, that I may return at night. + +The day is a good day. Your garb needs no apology. + +When I sent my servant, I did not know that I should find time to do +myself this honour. All that I thought I could do to oblige my friend +this journey, was only to assure myself of your abode; and whether there +was a probability of being admitted to the speech of either you, or your +lady. + +Sir, you best know your own motives. What your time will permit you to do, +you also best know. And here I am, attending your pleasure. + + +My charmer owned afterwards her concern on my being so short. Whatever +I shall mingle of her emotions, thou wilt easily guess I had afterwards. + +Sir, I hope no offence. I intend none. + +None--None at all, Sir. + +Sir, I have no interest in the affair I come about. I may appear +officious; and if I thought I should, I would decline any concern in it, +after I have just hinted what it is. + +And pray, Sir, what is it? + +May I ask you, Sir, without offence, whether you wish to be reconciled, +and to co-operate upon honourable terms, with one gentleman of the name +of Harlowe; preparative, as it may be hoped, to a general reconciliation? + +O how my heart fluttered! cried my charmer. + +I can't tell, Sir--[and then it fluttered still more, no doubt:] The +whole family have used me extremely ill. They have taken greater +liberties with my character than are justifiable; and with my family too; +which I can less forgive. + +Sir, Sir, I have done. I beg pardon for this intrusion. + +My beloved was then ready to sink, and thought very hardly of me. + +But, pray, Sir, to the immediate purpose of your present commission; +since a commission it seems to be? + +It is a commission, Sir; and such a one, as I thought would be agreeable +to all parties, or I should not have given myself concern about it. + +Perhaps it may, Sir, when known. But let me ask you one previous +question--Do you know Colonel Morden, Sir? + +No, Sir. If you mean personally, I do not. But I have heard my good +friend Mr. John Harlowe talk of him with great respect; and such a +co-trustee with him in a certain trust. + +Lovel. I thought it probable, Sir, that the Colonel might be arrived; +that you might be a gentleman of his acquaintance; and that something of +an agreeable surprise might be intended. + +Capt. Had Colonel Morden been in England, Mr. John Harlowe would have +known it; and then I should not have been a stranger to it. + +Lovel. Well but, Sir, have you then any commission to me from Mr. John +Harlowe? + +Capt. Sir, I will tell you, as briefly as I can, the whole of what I +have to say; but you'll excuse me also in a previous question, for what +curiosity is not my motive; but it is necessary to be answered before I +can proceed; as you will judge when you hear it. + +Lovel. What, pray, Sir, is your question? + +Capt. Briefly, whether you are actually, and bonâ fide, married to Miss +Clarissa Harlowe? + +I started, and, in a haughty tone, is this, Sir, a question that must be +answered before you can proceed in the business you have undertaken? + +I mean no offence, Mr. Lovelace. Mr. Harlowe sought to me to undertake +this office. I have daughters and nieces of my own. I thought it a good +office, or I, who have many considerable affairs upon my hands, had not +accepted of it. I know the world; and will take the liberty to say, that +if the young lady-- + +Captain Tomlinson, I think you are called? + +My name is Tomlinson. + +Why then, Tomlinson, no liberty, as you call it, will be taken well, that +is not extremely delicate, when that lady is mentioned. + +When you had heard me out, Mr. Lovelace, and had found I had so behaved, +as to make the caution necessary, it would have been just to have given +it.--Allow me to say, I know what is due to the character of a woman of +virtue, as well as any man alive. + +Why, Sir! Why, Captain Tomlinson, you seem warm. If you intend any +thing by this, [O how I trembled! said the lady, when she took notice of +this part of our conversation afterwards,] I will only say, that this is +a privileged place. It is at present my home, and an asylum for any +gentleman who thinks it worth his while to inquire after me, be the +manner or end of his inquiry what it will. + +I know not, Sir, that I have given occasion for this. I make no scruple +to attend you elsewhere, if I am troublesome here. I was told, I had a +warm young gentleman to deal with: but as I knew my intention, and that +my commission was an amicable one, I was the less concerned about that. +I am twice your age, Mr. Lovelace, I dare say: but I do assure you, that +if either my message or my manner gives you offence, I can suspend the +one or the other for a day, or for ever, as you like. And so, Sir, any +time before eight tomorrow morning, you will let me know your further +commands.--And was going to tell me where he might be found. + +Captain Tomlinson, said I, you answer well. I love a man of spirit. +Have you not been in the army? + +I have, Sir; but have turned my sword into a ploughshare, as the +scripture has it,--[there was a clever fellow, Jack!--he was a good man +with somebody, I warrant! O what a fine coat and cloke for an hypocrite +will a text of scripture, properly applied, make at any time in the eyes +of the pious!--how easily are the good folks taken in!]--and all my +delight, added he, for some years past, has been in cultivating my +paternal estate. I love a brave man, Mr. Lovelace, as well as ever I did +in my life. But let me tell you, Sir, that when you come to my time of +life, you will be of opinion, that there is not so much true bravery in +youthful choler, as you may now think there is. + +A clever fellow again, Belford!--Ear and heart, both at once, he took in +my charmer!--'Tis well, she says, there are some men who have wisdom in +their anger. + +Well, Captain, that is reproof for reproof. So we are upon a footing. +And now give me the pleasure of hearing the import of your commission. + +Sir, you must first allow me to repeat my question: Are you really, and +bonâ fide, married to Miss Clarissa Harlowe? or are you not yet married? + +Bluntly put, Captain. But if I answer that I am, what then? + +Why then, Sir, I shall say, that you are a man of honour. + +That I hope I am, whether you say it or not, Captain Tomlinson. + +Sir, I will be very frank in all I have to say on this subject--Mr. John +Harlowe has lately found out, that you and his niece are both in the same +lodgings; that you have been long so; and that the lady was at the play +with you yesterday was se'nnight; and he hopes that you are actually +married. He has indeed heard that you are; but as he knows your +enterprising temper, and that you have declared, that you disdain a +relation to their family, he is willing by me to have your marriage +confirmed from your own mouth, before he take the steps he is inclined to +take in his niece's favour. You will allow me to say, Mr. Lovelace, that +he will not be satisfied with an answer that admits of the least doubt. + +Let me tell you, Captain Tomlinson, that it is a high degree of vileness +for any man to suppose-- + +Sir--Mr. Lovelace--don't put yourself into a passion. The lady's +relations are jealous of the honour of their family. They have +prejudices to overcome as well as you--advantage may have been taken--and +the lady, at the time, not to blame. + +This lady, Sir, could give no such advantages: and if she had, what must +the man be, Captain Tomlinson, who could have taken them?--Do you know +the lady, Sir? + +I never had the honour to see her but once; and that was at a church; and +should not know her again. + +Not know her again, Sir!--I thought there was not a man living who had +once seen her, and would not know her among a thousand. + +I remember, Sir, that I thought I never saw a finer woman in my life. +But, Mr. Lovelace, I believe, you will allow, that it is better that her +relations should have wronged you, than you the lady, I hope, Sir, you +will permit me to repeat my question. + + +Enter Dorcas, in a hurry. + +A gentleman, this minute, Sir, desires to speak with your honour--[My +lady, Sir!--Aside.] + +Could the dear creature put Dorcas upon telling this fib, yet want to +save me one? + +Desire the gentleman to walk into one of the parlours. I will wait upon +him presently. + +[Exit Dorcas. + + +The dear creature, I doubted not, wanted to instruct me how to answer +the Captain's home put. I knew how I intended to answer it--plumb, thou +may'st be sure--but Dorcas's message staggered me. And yet I was upon +one of my master-strokes--which was, to take advantage of the captain's +inquiries, and to make her own her marriage before him, as she had done +to the people below; and if she had been brought to that, to induce her, +for her uncle's satisfaction, to write him a letter of gratitude; which +of course must have been signed Clarissa Lovelace. I was loth, +therefore, thou may'st believe, to attend her sudden commands: and yet, +afraid of pushing matters beyond recovery with her, I thought proper to +lead him from the question, to account for himself and for Mr. Harlowe's +coming to the knowledge of where we are; and for other particulars which +I knew would engage her attention; and which might possibly convince her +of the necessity there was for her to acquiesce in the affirmative I was +disposed to give. And this for her own sake; For what, as I asked her +afterwards, is it to me, whether I am ever reconciled to her family?--A +family, Jack, which I must for ever despise. + +You think, Captain, that I have answered doubtfully to the question you +put. You may think so. And you must know, that I have a good deal of +pride; and, only that you are a gentleman, and seem in this affair to be +governed by generous motives, or I should ill brook being interrogated as +to my honour to a lady so dear to me.--But before I answer more directly +to the point, pray satisfy me in a question or two that I shall put to +you. + +With all my heart, Sir. Ask me what questions you please, I will answer +them with sincerity and candour. + +You say, Mr. Harlowe has found out that we were at a play together: and +that we were both in the same lodgings--How, pray, came he at his +knowledge?--for, let me tell you, that I have, for certain +considerations, (not respecting myself, I will assure you,) condescended +that our abode should be kept secret. And this has been so strictly +observed, that even Miss Howe, though she and my beloved correspond, knows +not directly where to send to us. + +Why, Sir, the person who saw you at the play, was a tenant of Mr. John +Harlowe. He watched all your motions. When the play was done, he +followed your coach to your lodgings. And early the next day, Sunday, +he took horse, and acquainted his landlord with what he had observed. + +Lovel. How oddly things come about!--But does any other of the Harlowes +know where we are? + +Capt. It is an absolute secret to every other person of the family; and +so it is intended to be kept: as also that Mr. John Harlowe is willing to +enter into treaty with you, by me, if his niece be actually married; for +perhaps he is aware, that he shall have difficulty enough with some +people to bring about the desirable reconciliation, although he could +give them this assurance. + +I doubt it not, Captain--to James Harlowe is all the family folly owing. +Fine fools! [heroically stalking about] to be governed by one to whom +malice and not genius, gives the busy liveliness that distinguishes him +from a natural!--But how long, pray, Sir, has Mr. John Harlowe been in +this pacific disposition? + +I will tell you, Mr. Lovelace, and the occasion; and be very explicit +upon it, and upon all that concerns you to know of me, and of the +commission I have undertaken to execute; and this the rather, as when +you have heard me out, you will be satisfied, that I am not an officious +man in this my present address to you. + +I am all attention, Captain Tomlinson. + +And so I doubt not was my beloved. + +Capt. 'You must know, Sir, that I have not been many months in Mr. John +Harlowe's neighbourhood. I removed from Northamptonshire, partly for the +sake of better managing one of two executorship, which I could not avoid +engaging in, (the affairs of which frequently call me to town, and are +part of my present business;) and partly for the sake of occupying a +neglected farm, which has lately fallen into my hands. But though an +acquaintance of no longer standing, and that commencing on the bowling- +green, [uncle John is a great bowler, Belford,] (upon my decision of a +point to every one's satisfaction, which was appealed to me by all the +gentlemen, and which might have been attended with bad consequences,) no +two brothers have a more cordial esteem for each other. You know, Mr. +Lovelace, that there is a consent, as I may call it, in some minds, which +will unite them stronger together in a few hours, than years can do with +others, whom yet we see not with disgust.' + +Lovel. Very true, Captain. + +Capt. 'It was on the foot of this avowed friendship on both sides, that +on Monday the 15th, as I very well remember, Mr. Harlowe invited himself +home with me. And when there, he acquainted me with the whole of the +unhappy affair that had made them all so uneasy. Till then I knew it +only by report; for, intimate as we were, I forbore to speak of what was +so near his heart, till he began first. And then he told me, that he had +had an application made to him, two or three days before, by a gentleman +whom he named,* to induce him not only to be reconciled himself to his +niece, but to forward for her a general reconciliation. + + +* See Vol. IV. Letters XXIII and XXIX. + + +'A like application, he told me, had been made to his sister Harlowe, by +a good woman, whom every body respected; who had intimated, that his +niece, if encouraged, would again put herself into the protection of her +friends, and leave you: but if not, that she must unavoidably be your's.' + +I hope, Mr. Lovelace, I make no mischief.--You look concerned--you sigh, +Sir. + +Proceed, Captain Tomlinson. Pray proceed.--And I sighed still more +profoundly. + +Capt. 'They all thought it extremely particular, that a lady should +decline marriage with a man she had so lately gone away with.' + +Pray, Captain--pray, Mr. Tomlinson--no more of this subject. My beloved +is an angel. In every thing unblamable. Whatever faults there have +been, have been theirs and mine. What you would further say, is, that +the unforgiving family rejected her application. They did. She and I +had a misunderstanding. The falling out of lovers--you know, Captain. +--We have been happier ever since. + +Capt. 'Well, Sir; but Mr. John Harlowe could not but better consider +the matter afterwards. And he desired my advice how to act in it. He +told me that no father ever loved a daughter as he loved this niece of +his; whom, indeed, he used to call his daughter-niece. He said, she had +really been unkindly treated by her brother and sister: and as your +alliance, Sir, was far from being a discredit to their family, he would +do his endeavour to reconcile all parties, if he could be sure that ye +were actually man and wife.' + +Lovel. And what, pray, Captain, was your advice? + +Capt. 'I gave it as my opinion, that if his niece were unworthily +treated, and in distress, (as he apprehended from the application to +him,) he would soon hear of her again: but that it was likely, that this +application was made without expecting it would succeed; and as a salvo +only, to herself, for marrying without their consent. And the rather +thought I so, as he had told me, that it came from a young lady her +friend, and not in a direct way from herself; which young lady was no +favourite of the family; and therefore would hardly have been employed, +had success been expected.' + +Lovel. Very well, Captain Tomlinson--pray proceed. + +Capt. 'Here the matter rested till last Sunday evening, when Mr. John +Harlowe came to me with the man who had seen you and your lady (as I +presume she is) at the play; and who had assured him, that you both +lodged in the same house.--And then the application having been so lately +made, which implied that you were not then married, he was so uneasy for +his niece's honour, that I advised him to dispatch to town some one in +whom he could confide, to make proper inquiries.' + +Lovel. Very well, Captain--And was such a person employed on such an +errand by her uncle? + +Capt. 'A trusty and discreet person was accordingly sent; and last +Tuesday, I think it was, (for he returned to us on the Wednesday,) he +made the inquiries among the neighbours first.' [The very inquiry, Jack, +that gave us all so much uneasiness.*] 'But finding that none of them +could give any satisfactory account, the lady's woman was come at, who +declared, that you were actually married. But the inquirist keeping +himself on the reserve as to his employers, the girl refused to tell the +day, or to give him other particulars.' + + +* See Vol. IV. Letter L. + + +Lovel. You give a very clear account of every thing, Captain Tomlinson. +Pray proceed. + +Capt. 'The gentleman returned; and, on his report, Mr. Harlowe, having +still doubts, and being willing to proceed on some grounds in so +important a point, besought me (as my affairs called me frequently to +town) to undertake this matter. "You, Mr. Tomlinson, he was pleased to +say, have children of your own: you know the world: you know what I drive +at: you will proceed, I am sure, with understanding and spirit: and +whatever you are satisfied with shall satisfy me."' + + +Enter Dorcas again in a hurry. + +Sir, the gentleman is impatient. + +I will attend him presently. + +The Captain then accounted for his not calling in person, when he had +reason to think us here. + +He said he had business of consequence a few miles out of town, whither +he thought he must have gone yesterday, and having been obliged to put +off his little journey till this day, and understanding that we were +within, not knowing whether he should have such another opportunity, he +was willing to try his good fortune before he set out; and this made him +come booted and spurred, as I saw him. + +He dropped a hint in commendation of the people of the house; but it was +in such a way, as to give no room to suspect that he thought it necessary +to inquire after the character of persons, who make so genteel an +appearance, as he observed they do. + +And here let me remark, that my beloved might collect another +circumstance in favour of the people below, had she doubted their +characters, from the silence of her uncle's inquirist on Tuesday among +the neighbours. + +Capt. 'And now, Sir, that I believe I have satisfied you in every thing +relating to my commission, I hope you will permit me to repeat my +question--which is--' + + +Enter Dorcas again, out of breath. + +Sir, the gentleman will step up to you. [My lady is impatient. She +wonders at your honour's delay. Aside.] + +Excuse me, Captain, for one moment. + +I have staid my full time, Mr. Lovelace. What may result from my +question and your answer, whatever it shall be, may take us up time.-- +And you are engaged. Will you permit me to attend you in the morning, +before I set out on my return? + +You will then breakfast with me, Captain? + +It must be early if I do. I must reach my own house to-morrow night, or +I shall make the best of wives unhappy. And I have two or three places +to call at in my way. + +It shall be by seven o'clock, if you please, Captain. We are early +folks. And this I will tell you, that if ever I am reconciled to a +family so implacable as I have always found the Harlowes to be, it must +be by the mediation of so cool and so moderate a gentleman as yourself. + +And so, with the highest civilities on both sides, we parted. But for +the private satisfaction of so good a man, I left him out of doubt that +we were man and wife, though I did not directly aver it. + + + +LETTER VI + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +SUNDAY NIGHT. + + +This Captain Tomlinson is one of the happiest as well as one of the best +men in the world. What would I give to stand as high in my beloved's +opinion as he does! but yet I am as good a man as he, were I to tell my +own story, and have equal credit given to it. But the devil should have +had him before I had seen him on the account he came upon, had I thought +I should not have answered my principal end in it. I hinted to thee in +my last what that was. + +But to the particulars of the conference between my fair-one and me, on +her hasty messages; which I was loth to come to, because she has had an +half triumph over me in it. + +After I had attended the Captain down to the very passage, I returned to +the dining-room, and put on a joyful air, on my beloved's entrance into +it--O my dearest creature, said I, let me congratulate you on a prospect +so agreeable to your wishes! And I snatched her hand, and smothered it +with kisses. + +I was going on; when interrupting me, You see, Mr. Lovelace, said she, +how you have embarrassed yourself by your obliquities! You see, that you +have not been able to return a direct answer to a plain and honest +question, though upon it depends all the happiness, on the prospect of +which you congratulate me! + +You know, my best love, what my prudent, and I will say, my kind motives +were, for giving out that we were married. You see that I have taken no +advantage of it; and that no inconvenience has followed it. You see that +your uncle wants only to be assured from ourselves that it is so-- + +Not another word on this subject, Mr. Lovelace. I will not only risk, +but I will forfeit, the reconciliation so near my heart, rather than I +will go on to countenance a story so untrue! + +My dearest soul--Would you have me appear-- + +I would have you appear, Sir, as you are! I am resolved that I will +appear to my uncle's friend, and to my uncle, as I am. + +For one week, my dearest life! cannot you for one week--only till the +settlements-- + +Not for one hour, with my own consent. You don't know, Sir, how much I +have been afflicted, that I have appeared to the people below what I am +not. But my uncle, Sir, shall never have it to upbraid me, nor will I to +upbraid myself, that I have wilfully passed upon him in false lights. + +What, my dear, would you have me say to the Captain to-morrow morning? I +have given him room to think-- + +Then put him right, Mr. Lovelace. Tell the truth. Tell him what you +please of the favour of your relations to me: tell him what you will +about the settlements: and if, when drawn, you will submit them to his +perusal and approbation, it will show him how much you are in earnest. + +My dearest life!--Do you think that he would disapprove of the terms I +have offered? + +No. + +Then may I be accursed, if I willingly submit to be trampled under foot +by my enemies! + +And may I, Mr. Lovelace, never be happy in this life, if I submit to +the passing upon my uncle Harlowe a wilful and premeditated falshood for +truth! I have too long laboured under the affliction which the rejection +of all my friends has given me, to purchase my reconciliation with them +now at so dear a price as this of my veracity. + +The women below, my dear-- + +What are the women below to me?--I want not to establish myself with +them. Need they know all that passes between my relations and you and +me? + +Neither are they any thing to me, Madam. Only, that when, for the sake +of preventing the fatal mischiefs which might have attended your +brother's projects, I have made them think us married, I would not appear +to them in a light which you yourself think so shocking. By my soul, +Madam, I had rather die, than contradict myself so flagrantly, after I +have related to them so many circumstances of our marriage. + +Well, Sir, the women may believe what they please. That I have given +countenance to what you told them is my error. The many circumstances +which you own one untruth has drawn you in to relate, is a justification +of my refusal in the present case. + +Don't you see, Madam, that your uncle wishes to find that we are married? +May not the ceremony be privately over, before his mediation can take +place? + +Urge this point no further, Mr. Lovelace. If you will not tell the +truth, I will to-morrow morning (if I see Captain Tomlinson) tell it +myself. Indeed I will. + +Will you, Madam, consent that things pass as before with the people +below? This mediation of Tomlinson may come to nothing. Your brother's +schemes may be pursued; the rather, that now he will know (perhaps from +your uncle) that you are not under a legal protection.--You will, at +least, consent that things pass here as before?-- + +To permit this, is to go on in an error, Mr. Lovelace. But as the +occasion for so doing (if there can be in your opinion an occasion that +will warrant an untruth) will, as I presume, soon be over, I shall the +less dispute that point with you. But a new error I will not be guilty +of, if I can avoid it. + +Can I, do you think, Madam, have any dishonourable view in the step I +supposed you would not scruple to take towards a reconciliation with your +own family? Not for my own sake, you know, did I wish you to take it; +for what is it to me, if I am never reconciled to your family? I want no +favours from them. + +I hope, Mr. Lovelace, there is no occasion, in our present not +disagreeable situation, to answer such a question. And let me say, that +I shall think my prospects still more agreeable, if, to-morrow morning +you will not only own the very truth, but give my uncle's friend such an +account of the steps you have taken, and are taking, as may keep up my +uncle's favourable intentions towards me. This you may do under what +restrictions of secrecy you please. Captain Tomlinson is a prudent man; +a promoter of family-peace, you find; and, I dare say, may be made a +friend. + +I saw there was no help. I saw that the inflexible Harlowe spirit was +all up in her.--A little witch!--A little--Forgive me, Love, for calling +her names! And so I said, with an air, We have had too many +misunderstandings, Madam, for me to wish for new ones: I will obey you +without reserve. Had I not thought I should have obliged you by the +other method, (especially as the ceremony might have been over before any +thing could have operated from your uncle's intentions, and of +consequence no untruth persisted in,) I would not have proposed it. But +think not, my beloved creature, that you shall enjoy, without condition, +this triumph over my judgment. + +And then, clasping my arms about her, I gave her averted cheek (her +charming lip designed) a fervent kiss.--And your forgiveness of this +sweet freedom [bowing] is that condition. + +She was not mortally offended. And now must I make out the rest as well +as I can. But this I will tell thee, that although her triumph has not +diminished my love for her, yet it has stimulated me more than ever to +revenge, as thou wilt be apt to call it. But victory, or conquest, is +the more proper word. + +There is a pleasure, 'tis true, in subduing one of these watchful +beauties. But by my soul, Belford, men of our cast take twenty times the +pains to be rogues than it would cost them to be honest; and dearly, with +the sweat of our brows, and to the puzzlement of our brains, (to say +nothing of the hazards we run,) do we earn our purchase; and ought not +therefore to be grudged our success when we meet with it--especially as, +when we have obtained our end, satiety soon follows; and leaves us little +or nothing to show for it. But this, indeed, may be said of all worldly +delights.--And is not that a grave reflection from me? + +I was willing to write up to the time. Although I have not carried my +principal point, I shall make something turn out in my favour from +Captain Tomlinson's errand. But let me give thee this caution; that thou +do not pretend to judge of my devices by parts; but have patience till +thou seest the whole. But once more I swear, that I will not be +out-Norris'd by a pair of novices. And yet I am very apprehensive, at +times, of the consequences of Miss Howe's smuggling scheme. + +My conscience, I should think, ought not to reproach me for a +contrivance, which is justified by the contrivances of two such girls as +these: one of whom (the more excellent of the two) I have always, with +her own approbation, as I imagine, proposed for my imitation. + +But here, Jack, is the thing that concludes me, and cases my heart with +adamant: I find, by Miss Howe's letters, that it is owing to her, that I +have made no greater progress with my blooming fair-one. She loves me. +The ipecacuanha contrivance convinces me that she loves me. Where there +is love there must be confidence, or a desire of having reason to +confide. Generosity, founded on my supposed generosity, has taken hold +of her heart. Shall I not now see (since I must forever be unhappy, if I +marry her, and leave any trial unessayed) what I can make of her love, +and her newly-raised confidence?--Will it not be to my glory to succeed? +And to her's and to the honour of her sex, if I cannot?--Where then will +be the hurt to either, to make the trial? And cannot I, as I have often +said, +reward her when I will by marriage? + +'Tis late, or rather early; for the day begins to dawn upon me. I am +plaguy heavy. Perhaps I need not to have told thee that. But will only +indulge a doze in my chair for an hour; then shake myself, wash and +refresh. At my time of life, with such a constitution as I am blessed +with, that's all that's wanted. + +Good night to me!--It cannot be broad day till I am +awake.--Aw-w-w-whaugh--pox of this yawning! + +Is not thy uncle dead yet? + +What's come to mine, that he writes not to my last?--Hunting after more +wisdom of nations, I suppose!--Yaw-yaw-yawning again!--Pen, begone! + + + +LETTER VII + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +MONDAY, MAY 29. + + +Now have I established myself for ever in my charmer's heart. + +The Captain came at seven, as promised, and ready equipped for his +journey. My beloved chose not to give us her company till our first +conversation was over--ashamed, I suppose, to be present at that part of +it which was to restore her to her virgin state by my confession, after +her wifehood had been reported to her uncle. But she took her cue, +nevertheless, and listened to all that passed. + +The modestest women, Jack, must think, and think deeply sometimes. I +wonder whether they ever blush at those things by themselves, at which +they have so charming a knack of blushing in company. If not; and if +blushing be a sign of grace or modesty; have not the sex as great a +command over their blushes as they are said to have over their tears? +This reflection would lead me a great way into female minds, were I +disposed to pursue it. + +I told the Captain, that I would prevent his question; and accordingly +(after I had enjoined the strictest secrecy, that no advantage might be +given to James Harlowe, and which he had answered for as well on Mr. +Harlowe's part as his own) I acknowledged nakedly and fairly the whole +truth--to wit, 'That we were not yet married. I gave him hints of the +causes of procrastination. Some of them owing to unhappy +misunderstandings: but chiefly to the Lady's desire of previous +reconciliation with her friends; and to a delicacy that had no example.' + +Less nice ladies than this, Jack, love to have delays, wilful and studied +delays, imputed to them in these cases--yet are indelicate in their +affected delicacy: For do they not thereby tacitly confess, that they +expect to be the greatest estgainers in wedlock; and that there is +self-denial in the pride they take in delaying? + +'I told him the reason of our passing to the people below as married--yet +as under a vow of restriction, as to consummation, which had kept us both +to the height, one of forbearing, the other of vigilant punctilio; even +to the denial of those innocent freedoms, which betrothed lovers never +scruple to allow and to take. + +'I then communicated to him a copy of my proposal of settlement; the +substance of her written answer; the contents of my letter of invitation +to Lord M. to be her nuptial-father; and of my Lord's generous reply. +But said, that having apprehensions of delay from his infirmities, and my +beloved choosing by all means (and that from principles of unrequited +duty) a private solemnization, I had written to excuse his Lordship's +presence; and expected an answer every hour. + +'The settlements, I told him, were actually drawing by Counsellor +Williams, of whose eminence he must have heard--' + +He had. + +'And of the truth of this he might satisfy himself before he went out of +town. + +'When these were drawn, approved, and engrossed, nothing, I said, but +signing, and the nomination of my happy day, would be wanting. I had a +pride, I declared, in doing the highest justice to so beloved a creature, +of my own voluntary motion, and without the intervention of a family from +whom I had received the greatest insults. And this being our present +situation, I was contented that Mr. John Harlowe should suspend his +reconciliatory purposes till our marriage were actually solemnized.' + +The Captain was highly delighted with all I said: Yet owned, that as his +dear friend Mr. Harlowe had expressed himself greatly pleased to hear +that we were actually married, he could have wished it had been so. But, +nevertheless, he doubted not that all would be well. + +He saw my reasons, he said, and approved of them, for making the +gentlewomen below [whom again he understood to be good sort of people] +believe that the ceremony had passed; which so well accounted for what +the lady's maid had told Mr. Harlowe's friend. Mr. James Harlowe, he +said, had certainly ends to answer in keeping open the breach; and as +certainly had formed a design to get his sister out of my hands. +Wherefore it as much imported his worthy friend to keep this treaty as +secret, as it did me; at least till he had formed his party, and taken +his measures. Ill will and passion were dreadful misrepresenters. It +was amazing to him, that animosity could be carried so high against a man +capable of views so pacific and so honourable, and who had shown such a +command of his temper, in this whole transaction, as I had done. +Generosity, indeed, in every case, where love of stratagem and intrigue +(I would excuse him) were not concerned, was a part of my character. + +He was proceeding, when, breakfast being ready, in came the empress of my +heart, irradiating all around her, as with a glory--a benignity and +graciousness in her aspect, that, though natural to it, had been long +banished from it. + +Next to prostration lowly bowed the Captain. O how the sweet creature +smiled her approbation of him! Reverence from one begets reverence from +another. Men are more of monkeys in imitation than they think +themselves.--Involuntarily, in a manner, I bent my knee--My dearest +life--and made a very fine speech on presenting the Captain to her. No +title myself, to her lip or cheek, 'tis well he attempted not either. He +was indeed ready to worship her;--could only touch her charming hand. + +I have told the Captain, my dear creature--and then I briefly repeated +(as if I had supposed she had not heard it) all I had told him. + +He was astonished, that any body could be displeased one moment with such +an angel. He undertook her cause as the highest degree of merit to +himself. + +Never, I must need say, did an angel so much look the angel. All placid, +serene, smiling, self-assured: a more lovely flush than usual heightening +her natural graces, and adding charms, even to radiance, to her charming +complexion. + +After we had seated ourselves, the agreeable subject was renewed, as we +took our chocolate. How happy should she be in her uncle's restored +favour! + +The Captain engaged for it--No more delays, he hoped, on her part! Let +the happy day be but once over, all would then be right. But was it +improper to ask for copies of my proposals, and of her answer, in order +to show them to his dear friend, her uncle? + +As Mr. Lovelace pleased.--O that the dear creature would always say so! + +It must be in strict confidence then, I said. But would it not be better +to show her uncle the draught of the settlements, when drawn? + +And will you be so good as to allow of this, Mr. Lovelace? + +There, Belford! We were once the quarrelsome, but now we are the polite, +lovers. + +Indeed, my dear creature, I will, if you desire it, and if Captain +Tomlinson will engage that Mr. Harlowe shall keep them absolutely a +secret; that I may not be subjected to the cavil and controul of any +others of a family that have used me so very ill. + +Now, indeed, Sir, you are very obliging. + +Dost think, Jack, that my face did not now also shine? + +I held out my hand, (first consecrating it with a kiss,) for her's. She +condescended to give it me. I pressed it to my lips: You know not +Captain Tomlinson, (with an air,) all storms overblown, what a happy +man-- + +Charming couple! [his hands lifted up,] how will my good friend rejoice! +O that he were present! You know not, Madam, how dear you still are to +your uncle Harlowe! + +I am still unhappy ever to have disobliged him! + +Not too much of that, however, fairest, thought I! + +The Captain repeated his resolution of service, and that in so acceptable +a manner, that the dear creature wished that neither he, nor any of his, +might ever want a friend of equal benevolence. + +Nor any of this, she said; for the Captain brought it in, that he had +five children living, by one of the best wives and mothers, whose +excellent management made him as happy as if his eight hundred pounds a +year (which was all he had to boast of) were two thousand. + +Without economy, the oracular lady said, no estate was large enough. +With it, the least was not too small. + +Lie still, teasing villain! lie still.--I was only speaking to my +conscience, Jack. + +And let me ask you, Mr. Lovelace, said the Captain; yet not so much from +doubt, as that I may proceed upon sure grounds--You are willing to +co-operate with my dear friend in a general reconciliation? + +Let me tell you, Mr. Tomlinson, that if it can be distinguished, that my +readiness to make up with a family, of whose generosity I have not had +reason to think highly, is entirely owing to the value I have for this +angel of a woman, I will not only co-operate with Mr. John Harlowe, as +you ask; but I will meet with Mr. James Harlowe senior, and his lady, all +the way. And furthermore, to make the son James and his sister Arabella +quite easy, I will absolutely disclaim any further interest, whether +living or dying, in any of the three brothers' estates; contenting myself +with what my beloved's grandfather had bequeathed to her: for I have +reason to be abundantly satisfied with my own circumstances and +prospects--enough rewarded, were she not to bring a shilling in dowry, in +a woman who has a merit superior to all the goods of fortune.--True as +the Gospel, Belford!--Why had not this scene a real foundation? + +The dear creature, by her eyes, expressed her gratitude, before her lips +could utter it. O Mr. Lovelace, said she--you have infinitely--And there +she stopt. + +The Captain run over in my praise. He was really affected. + +O that I had not such a mixture of revenge and pride in my love, thought +I!--But, (my old plea,) cannot I make her amends at any time? And is not +her virtue now in the height of its probation?--Would she lay aside, like +the friends of my uncontending Rosebud, all thoughts of defiance--Would +she throw herself upon my mercy, and try me but one fortnight in the life +of honour--What then?--I cannot say, What then-- + +Do not despise me, Jack, for my inconsistency--in no two letters perhaps +agreeing with myself--Who expects consistency in men of our +character?--But I am mad with love--fired by revenge--puzzled with my own +devices--my invention is my curse--my pride my punishment--drawn five or +six ways at once, can she possibly be so unhappy as I?--O why, why, was +this woman so divinely excellent!--Yet how know I that she is? What have +been her trials? Have I had the courage to make a single one upon her +person, though a thousand upon her temper?--Enow, I hope, to make her +afraid of ever more disobliging me more!-- + + +*** + + +I must banish reflection, or I am a lost man. For these two hours past +have I hated myself for my own contrivances. And this not only from what +I have related to thee; but for what I have further to relate. But I +have now once more steeled my heart. My vengeance is uppermost; for I +have been reperusing some of Miss Howe's virulence. The contempt they +have both held me in I cannot bear. + +The happiest breakfast-time, my beloved owned, that she had ever known +since she had left her father's house. [She might have let this alone.] +The Captain renewed all his protestations of service. He would write me +word how his dear friend received the account he should give him of the +happy situation of our affairs, and what he thought of the settlements, +as soon as I should send him the draughts so kindly promised. And we +parted with great professions of mutual esteem; my beloved putting up +vows for the success of his generous mediation. + +When I returned from attending the Captain down stairs, which I did to +the outward door, my beloved met me as I entered the dining-room; +complacency reigning in every lovely feature. + +'You see me already,' said she, 'another creature. You know not, Mr. +Lovelace, how near my heart this hoped-for reconciliation is. I am now +willing to banish every disagreeable remembrance. You know not, Sir, how +much you have obliged me. And O Mr. Lovelace, how happy I shall be, when +my heart is lightened from the all-sinking weight of a father's curse! +When my dear mamma--You don't know, Sir, half the excellencies of my dear +mamma! and what a kind heart she has, when it is left to follow its own +impulses--When this blessed mamma shall once more fold me to her +indulgent bosom! When I shall again have uncles and aunts, and a brother +and sister, all striving who shall show most kindness and favour to the +poor outcast, then no more an outcast--And you, Mr. Lovelace, to behold +all this, with welcome--What though a little cold at first? when they +come to know you better, and to see you oftener, no fresh causes of +disgust occurring, and you, as I hope, having entered upon a new course, +all will be warmer and warmer love on both sides, till every one will +perhaps wonder, how they came to set themselves against you.' + +Then drying her tears with her handkerchief, after a few moments pausing, +on a sudden, as if recollecting that she had been led by her joy to an +expression of it which she had not intended I should see, she retired to +her chamber with precipitation; leaving me almost as unable to stand it +as herself. + +In short, I was--I want words to say how I was--my nose had been made to +tingle before; my eyes have before been made to glisten by this +soul-moving beauty; but so very much affected, I never was--for, trying +to check my sensibility, it was too strong for me, and I even sobbed-- +Yes, by my soul, I audibly sobbed, and was forced to turn from her before +she had well finished her affecting speech. + +I want, methinks, now I have owned the odd sensation, to describe it to +thee--the thing was so strange to me--something choking, as it were, in +my throat--I know not how--yet, I must needs say, though I am out of +countenance upon the recollection, that there was something very pretty +in it; and I wish I could know it again, that I might have a more perfect +idea of it, and be better able to describe it to thee. + +But this effect of her joy on such an occasion gives me a high notion of +what that virtue must be [What other name can I call it?] which in a mind +so capable of delicate transport, should be able to make so charming a +creature, in her very bloom, all frost and snow to every advance of love +from the man she hates not. This must be all from education too--Must it +not, Belford? Can education have stronger force in a woman's heart than +nature?--Sure it cannot. But if it can, how entirely right are parents +to cultivate their daughters' minds, and to inspire them with notions of +reserve and distance to our sex: and indeed to make them think highly of +their own! for pride is an excellent substitute, let me tell thee, where +virtue shines not out, as the sun, in its own unborrowed lustre. + + + +LETTER VIII + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. + + +And now it is time to confess (and yet I know that thy conjectures are +aforehand with my exposition) that this Captain Tomlinson, who is so +great a favourite with my charmer, and who takes so much delight in +healing breaches, and reconciling differences, is neither a greater man +nor a less than honest Patrick M'Donald, attended by a discarded footman +of his own finding out. + +Thou knowest what a various-lifed rascal he is; and to what better hopes +born and educated. But that ingenious knack of forgery, for which he was +expelled the Dublin-University, and a detection since in evidenceship, +have been his ruin. For these have thrown him from one country to +another; and at last, into the way of life, which would make him a fit +husband for Miss Howe's Townsend with her contrabands. He is, thou +knowest, admirably qualified for any enterprize that requires adroitness +and solemnity. And can there, after all, be a higher piece of justice, +than to keep one smuggler in readiness to play against another? + +'Well, but, Lovelace, (methinks thou questionest,) how camest thou to +venture upon such a contrivance as this, when, as thou hast told me, the +Lady used to be a month at a time at this uncle's; and must therefore, in +all probability, know, that there was not a Captain Tomlinson in all the +neighbourhood, at least no one of the name so intimate with him as this +man pretends to be?' + +This objection, Jack, is so natural a one, that I could not help +observing to my charmer, that she must surely have heard her uncle speak +of this gentleman. No, she said, she never had. Besides she had not +been at her uncle Harlowe's for near ten months [this I had heard from +her before]: and there were several gentlemen who used the same green, +whom she knew not. + +We are all very ready, thou knowest, to believe what she likes. + +And what was the reason, thinkest thou, that she had not been of so long +a time at this uncle's?--Why, this old sinner, who imagines himself +entitled to call me to account for my freedoms with the sex, has lately +fallen into familiarities, as it is suspected, with his housekeeper; who +assumes airs upon it.--A cursed deluding sex!--In youth, middle age, or +dotage, they take us all in. + +Dost thou not see, however, that this housekeeper knows nothing, nor is +to know any thing, of the treaty of reconciliation designed to be set on +foot; and therefore the uncle always comes to the Captain, the Captain +goes not to the uncle? And this I surmised to the lady. And then it was +a natural suggestion, that the Captain was the rather applied to, as he +is a stranger to the rest of the family--Need I tell thee the meaning of +all this? + +But this intrigue of the antient is a piece of private history, the truth +of which my beloved cares not to own, and indeed affects to disbelieve: +as she does also some puisny gallantries of her foolish brother; which, +by way of recrimination, I have hinted at, without naming my informant in +their family. + +'Well but, methinks, thou questionest again, Is it not probable that Miss +Howe will make inquiry after such a man as Tomlinson?--And when she +cannot--' + +I know what thou wouldst say--but I have no doubt, that Wilson will be so +good, if I desire it, as to give into my own hands any letter that may be +brought by Collins to his house, for a week to come. And now I hope thou +art satisfied. + +I will conclude with a short story. + +'Two neighbouring sovereigns were at war together, about some pitiful +chuck-farthing thing or other; no matter what; for the least trifles will +set princes and children at loggerheads. Their armies had been drawn up +in battalia some days, and the news of a decisive action was expected +every hour to arrive at each court. At last, issue was joined; a bloody +battle was fought; and a fellow who had been a spectator of it, arriving, +with the news of a complete victory, at the capital of one of the princes +some time before the appointed couriers, the bells were set a ringing, +bonfires and illuminations were made, and the people went to bed +intoxicated with joy and good liquor. But the next day all was reversed: +The victorious enemy, pursuing his advantage, was expected every hour at +the gates of the almost defenceless capital. The first reporter was +hereupon sought for, and found; and being questioned, pleaded a great +deal of merit, in that he had, in so dismal a situation, taken such a +space of time from the distress of his fellow-citizens, and given it to +festivity, as were the hours between the false good news and the real +bad.' + +Do thou, Belford, make the application. This I know, that I have given +greater joy to my beloved, than she had thought would so soon fall to her +share. And as the human life is properly said to be chequerwork, no +doubt but a person of her prudence will make the best of it, and set off +so much good against so much bad, in order to strike as just a balance as +possible. + + +[The Lady, in three several letters, acquaints her friend with the most +material passages and conversations contained in those of Mr. Lovelace's +preceding. These are her words, on relating what the commission of the +pretended Tomlinson was, after the apprehensions that his distant inquiry +had given her:] + +At last, my dear, all these doubts and fears were cleared up, and +banished; and, in their place, a delightful prospect was opened to me. +For it comes happily out, (but at present it must be an absolute secret, +for reasons which I shall mention in the sequel,) that the gentleman was +sent by my uncle Harlowe [I thought he could not be angry with me for +ever]: all owing to the conversation that passed between your good Mr. +Hickman and him. For although Mr. Hickman's application was too harshly +rejected at the time, my uncle could not but think better of it +afterwards, and of the arguments that worthy gentleman used in my favour. + +Who, upon a passionate repulse, would despair of having a reasonable +request granted?--Who would not, by gentleness and condescension, +endeavour to leave favourable impressions upon an angry mind; which, when +it comes cooly to reflect, may induce it to work itself into a +condescending temper? To request a favour, as I have often said, is one +thing; to challenge it as our due, is another. And what right has a +petitioner to be angry at a repulse, if he has not a right to demand what +he sues for as a debt? + + +[She describes Captain Tomlinson, on his breakfast-visit, to be, a grave, +good sort of man. And in another place, a genteel man of great gravity, +and a good aspect; she believes upwards of fifty years of age. 'I liked +him, says she, as soon as I saw him.' + +As her projects are now, she says, more favourable than heretofore, she +wishes, that her hopes of Mr. Lovelace's so-often-promised reformation +were better grounded than she is afraid they can be.] + +We have both been extremely puzzled, my dear, says she, to reconcile some +parts of Mr. Lovelace's character with other parts of it: his good with +his bad; such of the former, in particular, as his generosity to his +tenants; his bounty to the innkeeper's daughter; his readiness to put me +upon doing kind things by my good Norton, and others. + +A strange mixture in his mind, as I have told him! for he is certainly +(as I have reason to say, looking back upon his past behaviour to me in +twenty instances) a hard-hearted man.--Indeed, my dear, I have thought +more than once, that he had rather see me in tears than give me reason to +be pleased with him. + +My cousin Morden says, that free livers are remorseless.* And so they +must be in the very nature of things. + + +* See Vol. IV. Letter XIX. See also Mr. Lovelace's own confession of the +delight he takes in a woman's tears, in different parts of his letters. + + +Mr. Lovelace is a proud man. We have both long ago observed that he is. +And I am truly afraid, that his very generosity is more owing to his +pride and his vanity, that that philanthropy (shall I call it?) which +distinguishes a beneficent mind. + +Money he values not, but as a mean to support his pride and his +independence. And it is easy, as I have often thought, for a person to +part with a secondary appetite, when, by so doing, he can promote or +gratify a first. + +I am afraid, my dear, that there must have been some fault in his +education. His natural bias was not, perhaps (as his power was likely to +be large) to do good and beneficent actions; but not, I doubt, from +proper motives. + +If he had, his generosity would not have stopt at pride, but would have +struck into humanity; and then would he not have contented himself with +doing praiseworthy things by fits and starts, or, as if relying on the +doctrine of merits, he hoped by a good action to atone for a bad one;* +but he would have been uniformly noble, and done the good for its own +sake. + + +* That the Lady judges rightly of him in this place, see Vol. I. Letter +XXXIV. where, giving the motive for his generosity to his Rosebud, he +says--'As I make it my rule, whenever I have committed a very capital +enormity, to do some good by way of atonement; and as I believe I am a +pretty deal indebted on that score; I intend to join an hundred pounds to +Johnny's aunt's hundred pounds, to make one innocent couple happy.'-- +Besides which motive, he had a further view in answer in that instance of +his generosity; as may be seen in Vol. II. Letters XXVI. XXVII. XXVIII. +See also the note, Vol. II. pp. 170, 171. + +To show the consistence of his actions, as they now appear, with his +views and principles, as he lays them down in his first letters, it may +be not amiss to refer the reader to his letters, Vol. I. No. XXXIV. XXXV. + +See also Vol. I. Letter XXX.--and Letter XL. for Clarissa's early opinion +of Mr. Lovelace.--Whence the coldness and indifference to him, which he +so repeatedly accuses her of, will be accounted for, more to her glory, +than to his honour. + + +O my dear! what a lot have I drawn! pride, this poor man's virtue; and +revenge, his other predominating quality!--This one consolation, however, +remains:--He is not an infidel, and unbeliever: had he been an infidel, +there would have been no room at all for hope of him; (but priding +himself, as he does, in his fertile invention) he would have been utterly +abandoned, irreclaimable, and a savage. + + +[When she comes to relate those occasions, which Mr. Lovelace in his +narrative acknowledges himself to be affected by, she thus expresses +herself:] + +He endeavoured, as once before, to conceal his emotion. But why, my +dear, should these men (for Mr. Lovelace is not singular in this) think +themselves above giving these beautiful proofs of a feeling heart? Were +it in my power again to choose, or to refuse, I would reject the man with +contempt, who sought to suppress, or offered to deny, the power of being +visibly affected upon proper occasions, as either a savage-hearted +creature, or as one who was so ignorant of the principal glory of the +human nature, as to place his pride in a barbarous insensibility. + +These lines translated from Juvenal by Mr. Tate, I have been often +pleased with: + + Compassion proper to mankind appears: + Which Nature witness'd, when she lent us tears. + Of tender sentiments we only give + These proofs: To weep is our prerogative: + To show by pitying looks, and melting eyes, + How with a suff'ring friend we sympathise. + Who can all sense of other ills escape, + Is but a brute at best, in human shape. + +It cannot but yield me some pleasure, hardly as I have sometimes thought +of the people of the house, that such a good man as Captain Tomlinson had +spoken well of them, upon inquiry. + +And here I stop a minute, my dear, to receive, in fancy, your kind +congratulation. + +My next, I hope, will confirm my present, and open still more agreeable +prospects. Mean time be assured, that there cannot possibly any good +fortune befal me, which I shall look upon with equal delight to that I +have in your friendship. + +My thankful compliments to your good Mr. Hickman, to whose kind invention +I am so much obliged on this occasion, conclude me, my dearest Miss Howe, + +Your ever affectionate and grateful +CL. HARLOWE. + + + +LETTER IX + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +TUESDAY, MAY 30. + + +I have a letter from Lord M. Such a one as I would wish for, if I +intended matrimony. But as matters are circumstanced, I cannot think of +showing it to my beloved. + +My Lord regrets, 'that he is not to be the Lady's nuptial father. He +seems apprehensive that I have still, specious as my reasons are, some +mischief in my head.' + +He graciously consents, 'that I may marry when I please; and offers one +or both of my cousins to assist my bride, and to support her spirits on +the occasion; since, as he understands, she is so much afraid to venture +with me. + +'Pritchard, he tells me, has his final orders to draw up deeds for +assigning over to me, in perpetuity, 1000£. per annum: which he will +execute the same hour that the lady in person owns her marriage.' + +He consents, 'that the jointure be made from my own estate.' + +He wishes, 'that the Lady would have accepted of his draught; and +commends me for tendering it to her. But reproaches me for my pride in +not keeping it myself. What the right side gives up, the left, he says, +may be the better for.' + +The girls, the left-sided girls, he means. + +With all my heart. If I can have my Clarissa, the devil take every thing +else. + +A good deal of other stuff writes the stupid peer; scribbling in several +places half a dozen lines, apparently for no other reason but to bring in +as many musty words in an old saw. + +If thou sawest, 'How I can manage, since my beloved will wonder that I +have not an answer from my Lord to such a letter as I wrote to him; and +if I own I have one, will expect that I should shew it to her, as I did +my letter?--This I answer--'That I can be informed by Pritchard, that my +Lord has the gout in his right-hand; and has ordered him to attend me in +form, for my particular orders about the transfer:' And I can see +Pritchard, thou knowest, at the King's Arms, or wherever I please, at an +hour's warning; though he be at M. Hall, I in town; and he, by word of +mouth, can acquaint me with every thing in my Lord's letter that is +necessary for my charmer to know. + +Whenever it suits me, I can resolve the old peer to his right hand, and +then can make him write a much more sensible letter than this that he has +now sent me. + +Thou knowest, that an adroitness in the art of manual imitation, was one +of my earliest attainments. It has been said, on this occasion, that had +I been a bad man in meum and tuum matters, I should not have been fit to +live. As to the girls, we hold it no sin to cheat them. And are we not +told, that in being well deceived consists the whole of human happiness? + + +WEDNESDAY, MAY 31. + +All still happier and happier. A very high honour done me: a chariot, +instead of a coach, permitted, purposely to indulge me in the subject of +subjects. + +Our discourse in this sweet airing turned upon our future manner of life. +The day is bashfully promised me. Soon was the answer to my repeated +urgency. Our equipage, our servants, our liveries, were parts of the +delightful subject. A desire that the wretch who had given me +intelligence out of the family (honest Joseph Leman) might not be one of +our menials; and her resolution to have her faithful Hannah, whether +recovered or not; were signified; and both as readily assented to. + +Her wishes, from my attentive behaviour, when with her at St. Paul's,* +that I would often accompany her to the Divine Service, were greatly +intimated, and as readily engaged for. I assured her, that I ever had +respected the clergy in a body; and some individuals of them (her Dr. +Lewen for one) highly: and that were not going to church an act of +religion, I thought it [as I told thee once] a most agreeable sight to +see rich and poor, all of a company, as I might say, assembled once a +week in one place, and each in his or her best attire, to worship the God +that made them. Nor could it be a hardship upon a man liberally +educated, to make one on so solemn an occasion, and to hear the harangue +of a man of letters, (though far from being the principal part of the +service, as it is too generally looked upon to be,) whose studies having +taken a different turn from his own, he must always have something new to +say. + + +* See Vol. IV. Letter V. +** Ibid. + + +She shook her head, and repeated the word new: but looked as if willing +to be satisfied for the present with this answer. To be sure, Jack, she +means to do great despight to his Satanic majesty in her hopes of +reforming me. No wonder, therefore, if he exerts himself to prevent her, +and to be revenged. But how came this in!--I am ever of party against +myself.--One day, I fancy, I shall hate myself on recollecting what I am +about at this instant. But I must stay till then. We must all of us do +something to repent of. + +The reconciliation-prospect was enlarged upon. If her uncle Harlowe will +but pave the way to it, and if it can be brought about, she shall be +happy.--Happy, with a sigh, as it is now possible she can be! + +She won't forbear, Jack! + +I told her, that I had heard from Pritchard, just before we set out on +our airing, and expected him in town to-morrow from Lord M. to take my +directions. I spoke with gratitude of my Lord's kindness to me; and with +pleasure of Lady Sarah's, Lady Betty's, and my two cousins Montague's +veneration for her: as also of his Lordship's concern that his gout +hindered him from writing a reply with his own hand to my last. + +She pitied my Lord. She pitied poor Mrs. Fretchville too; for she had +the goodness to inquire after her. The dear creature pitied every body +that seemed to want pity. Happy in her own prospects, she had leisure to +look abroad, and wishes every body equally happy. + +It is likely to go very hard with Mrs. Fretchville. Her face, which she +had valued herself upon, will be utterly ruined. 'This good, however, as +I could not but observe, she may reap from so great an evil--as the +greater malady generally swallows up the less, she may have a grief on +this occasion, that may diminish the other grief, and make it tolerable.' + +I had a gentle reprimand for this light turn on so heavy an evil--'For +what was the loss of beauty to the loss of a good husband?'--Excellent +creature! + +Her hopes (and her pleasure upon those hopes) that Miss Howe's mother +would be reconciled to her, were also mentioned. Good Mrs. Howe was her +word, for a woman so covetous, and so remorseless in her covetousness, +that no one else will call her good. But this dear creature has such an +extension in her love, as to be capable of valuing the most insignificant +animal related to those whom she respects. Love me, and love my dog, I +have heard Lord M. say.--Who knows, but that I may in time, in compliment +to myself, bring her to think well of thee, Jack? + +But what am I about? Am I not all this time arraigning my own heart?--I +know I am, by the remorse I feel in it, while my pen bears testimony to +her excellence. But yet I must add (for no selfish consideration shall +hinder me from doing justice to this admirable creature) that in this +conversation she demonstrated so much prudent knowledge in every thing +that relates to that part of the domestic management which falls under +the care of a mistress of a family, that I believe she has no equal of +her years in the world. + +But, indeed, I know not the subject on which she does not talk with +admirable distinction; insomuch that could I but get over my prejudices +against matrimony, and resolve to walk in the dull beaten path of my +ancestors, I should be the happiest of men--and if I cannot, I may be ten +times more to be pitied than she. + +My heart, my heart, Belford, is not to be trusted--I break off, to +re-peruse some of Miss Howe's virulence. + + +*** + + +Cursed letters, these of Miss Howe, Jack!--Do thou turn back to those of +mine, where I take notice of them--I proceed-- + +Upon the whole, my charmer was all gentleness, all ease, all serenity, +throughout this sweet excursion. Nor had she reason to be otherwise: for +it being the first time that I had the honour of her company alone, I was +resolved to encourage her, by my respectfulness, to repeat the favour. + +On our return, I found the counsellor's clerk waiting for me, with a +draught of the marriage-settlements. + +They are drawn, with only the necessary variations, from those made for +my mother. The original of which (now returned by the counsellor) as +well as the new draughts, I have put into my beloved's hands. + +These settlements of my mother made the lawyer's work easy; nor can she +have a better precedent; the great Lord S. having settled them, at the +request of my mother's relations; all the difference, my charmer's are +100l. per annum more than my mother's. + +I offered to read to her the old deed, while she looked over the draught; +for she had refused her presence at the examination with the clerk: but +this she also declined. + +I suppose she did not care to hear of so many children, first, second, +third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh sons, and as many daughters, to +be begotten upon the body of the said Clarissa Harlowe. + +Charming matrimonial recitativoes!--though it is always said lawfully +begotten too--as if a man could beget children unlawfully upon the body +of his own wife.--But thinkest thou not that these arch rogues the +lawyers hereby intimate, that a man may have children by his wife before +marriage?--This must be what they mean. Why will these sly fellows put +an honest man in minds of such rogueries?--but hence, as in numberless +other instances, we see, that law and gospel are two very different +things. + +Dorcas, in our absence, tried to get at the wainscot-box in the dark +closet. But it cannot be done without violence. And to run a risk of +consequence now, for mere curiosity-sake, would be inexcusable. + +Mrs. Sinclair and the nymphs are all of opinion, that I am now so much a +favourite, and have such a visible share in her confidence, and even in +her affections, that I may do what I will, and plead for excuse violence +of passion; which, they will have it, makes violence of action pardonable +with their sex; as well as allowed extenuation with the unconcerned of +both sexes; and they all offer their helping hands. Why not? they say: +Has she not passed for my wife before them all?--And is she not in a fine +way of being reconciled to her friends?--And was not the want of that +reconciliation the pretence for postponing the consummation? + +They again urge me, since it is so difficult to make night my friend, to +an attempt in the day. They remind me, that the situation of their house +is such, that no noises can be heard out of it; and ridicule me for +making it necessary for a lady to be undressed. It was not always so +with me, poor old man! Sally told me; saucily flinging her handkerchief +in my face. + + + +LETTER X + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +FRIDAY, JUNE 2. + + +Notwithstanding my studied-for politeness and complaisance for some days +past; and though I have wanted courage to throw the mask quite aside; yet +I have made the dear creature more than once look about her, by the warm, +though decent expression of my passion. I have brought her to own, that +I am more than indifferent with her: but as to LOVE, which I pressed her +to acknowledge, what need of acknowledgments of that sort, when a woman +consents to marrying?--And once repulsing me with displeasure, the proof +of true love I was vowing for her, was RESPECT, not FREEDOM. And +offering to defend myself, she told me, that all the conception she had +been able to form of a faulty passion, was, that it must demonstrate +itself as mine sought to do. + +I endeavoured to justify my passion, by laying over-delicacy at her door. +Over-delicacy, she said, was not my fault, if it were her's. She must +plainly tell me, that I appeared to her incapable of distinguishing what +were the requisites of a pure mind. Perhaps, had the libertine +presumption to imagine, that there was no difference in heart, nor any +but what proceeded from difference of education and custom, between the +pure and impure--and yet custom alone, as she observed, if I did so +think, would make a second nature, as well in good as in bad habits. + + +*** + + +I have just now been called to account for some innocent liberties which +I thought myself entitled to take before the women; as they suppose us to +be married, and now within view of consummation. + +I took the lecture very hardly; and with impatience wished for the happy +day and hour when I might call her all my own, and meet with no check +from a niceness that had no example. + +She looked at me with a bashful kind of contempt. I thought it contempt, +and required the reason for it; not being conscious of offence, as I told +her. + +This is not the first time, Mr. Lovelace, said she, that I have had cause +to be displeased with you, when you, perhaps, have not thought yourself +exceptionable.--But, Sir, let me tell you, that the married state, in my +eye, is a state of purity, and [I think she told me] not of +licentiousness; so, at least, I understood her. + +Marriage-purity, Jack!--Very comical, 'faith--yet, sweet dears, half the +female world ready to run away with a rake, because he is a rake; and for +no other reason; nay, every other reason against their choice of such a +one. + +But have not you and I, Belford, seen young wives, who would be thought +modest! and, when maids, were fantastically shy; permit freedoms in +public from their uxorious husbands, which have shown, that both of them +have forgotten what belongs either to prudence or decency? while every +modest eye has sunk under the shameless effrontery, and every modest face +been covered with blushes for those who could not blush. + +I once, upon such an occasion, proposed to a circle of a dozen, thus +scandalized, to withdraw; since they must needs see that as well the +lady, as the gentleman, wanted to be in private. This motion had its +effect upon the amorous pair; and I was applauded for the check given to +their licentiousness. + +But, upon another occasion of this sort, I acted a little more in +character. For I ventured to make an attempt upon a bride, which I +should not have had the courage to make, had not the unblushing +passiveness with which she received her fond husband's public toyings +(looking round her with triumph rather than with shame, upon every lady +present) incited my curiosity to know if the same complacency might not +be shown to a private friend. 'Tis true, I was in honour obliged to keep +the secret. But I never saw the turtles bill afterwards, but I thought +of number two to the same female; and in my heart thanked the fond +husband for the lesson he had taught his wife. + +From what I have said, thou wilt see, that I approve of my beloved's +exception to public loves. That, I hope, is all the charming icicle +means by marriage-purity, but to return. + +From the whole of what I have mentioned to have passed between my beloved +and me, thou wilt gather, that I have not been a mere dangler, a Hickman, +in the passed days, though not absolutely active, and a Lovelace. + +The dear creature now considers herself as my wife-elect. The unsaddened +heart, no longer prudish, will not now, I hope, give the sable turn to +every address of the man she dislikes not. And yet she must keep up so +much reserve, as will justify past inflexibilities. 'Many and many a +pretty soul would yield, were she not afraid that the man she favoured +would think the worse of her for it.' That is also a part of the rake's +creed. But should she resent ever so strongly, she cannot now break with +me; since, if she does, there will be an end of the family +reconciliation; and that in a way highly discreditable to herself. + + +SATURDAY, JUNE 3. + +Just returned from Doctors Commons. I have been endeavouring to get a +license. Very true, Jack. I have the mortification to find a +difficulty, as the lady is of rank and fortune, and as there is no +consent of father or next friend, in obtaining this all-fettering +instrument. + +I made report of this difficulty. 'It is very right,' she says, 'that +such difficulties should be made.'--But not to a man of my known fortune, +surely, Jack, though the woman were the daughter of a duke. + +I asked, if she approved of the settlements? She said, she had compared +them with my mother's, and had no objection to them. She had written to +Miss Howe upon the subject, she owned; and to inform her of our present +situation.* + + +* As this letter of the Lady to Miss Howe contains no new matter, but +what may be collected from one of those of Mr. Lovelace, it is omitted. + + +*** + + +Just now, in high good humour, my beloved returned me the draughts of the +settlements: a copy of which I have sent to Captain Tomlinson. She +complimented me, 'that she never had any doubt of my honour in cases of +this nature.' + +In matters between man and man nobody ever had, thou knowest. + +I had need, thou wilt say, to have some good qualities. + +Great faults and great virtues are often found in the same person. In +nothing very bad, but as to women: and did not one of them begin with +me.* + + +* See Vol. I. Letter XXXI. + + +We have held, that women have no souls. I am a very Turk in this point, +and willing to believe they have not. And if so, to whom shall I be +accountable for what I do to them? Nay, if souls they have, as there is +no sex in ethereals, nor need of any, what plea can a lady hold of +injuries done her in her lady-state, when there is an end of her +lady-ship? + + + +LETTER XI + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +MONDAY, JUNE 5. + + +I am now almost in despair of succeeding with this charming frost-piece +by love or gentleness.--A copy of the draughts, as I told thee, has been +sent to Captain Tomlinson; and that by a special messenger. Engrossments +are proceeding with. I have been again at the Commons.--Should in all +probability have procured a license by Mallory's means, had not Mallory's +friend, the proctor, been suddenly sent for to Chestnut, to make an old +lady's will. Pritchard has told me by word of mouth, though my charmer +saw him not, all that was necessary for her to know in the letter my Lord +wrote, which I could not show her: and taken my directions about the +estates to be made over to me on my nuptials.--Yet, with all these +favourable appearances, no conceding moment to be found, no improvable +tenderness to be raised. + +But never, I believe, was there so true, so delicate a modesty in the +human mind as in that of this lady. And this has been my security all +along; and, in spite of Miss Howe's advice to her, will be so still; +since, if her delicacy be a fault, she can no more overcome it than I can +my aversion to matrimony. Habit, habit, Jack, seest thou not? may +subject us both to weaknesses. And should she not have charity for me, +as I have for her? + +Twice indeed with rapture, which once she called rude, did I salute her; +and each time resenting the freedom, did she retire; though, to do her +justice, she favoured me again with her presence at my first entreaty, +and took no notice of the cause of her withdrawing. + +Is it policy to show so open a resentment for innocent liberties, which, +in her situation, she must so soon forgive? + +Yet the woman who resents not initiatory freedoms must be lost. For love +is an encroacher. Love never goes backward. Love is always aspiring. +Always must aspire. Nothing but the highest act of love can satisfy an +indulged love. And what advantages has a lover, who values not breaking +the peace, over his mistress who is solicitous to keep it! + +I have now at this instant wrought myself up, for the dozenth time, to a +half-resolution. A thousand agreeable things I have to say to her. She +is in the dining-room. Just gone up. She always expects me when there. + + +*** + + +High displeasure!--followed by an abrupt departure. + +I sat down by her. I took both her hands in mine. I would have it so. +All gentle my voice. Her father mentioned with respect. Her mother with +reverence. Even her brother amicably spoken of. I never thought I could +have wished so ardently, as I told her I did wish, for a reconciliation +with her family. + +A sweet and grateful flush then overspread her fair face; a gentle sigh +now-and-then heaved her handkerchief. + +I perfectly longed to hear from Captain Tomlinson. It was impossible for +the uncle to find fault with the draught of the settlements. I would +not, however, be understood, by sending them down, that I intended to put +it in her uncle's power to delay my happy day. When, when was it to be? + +I would hasten again to the Commons; and would not return without the +license. + +The Lawn I proposed to retire to, as soon as the happy ceremony was over. +This day and that day I proposed. + +It was time enough to name the day, when the settlements were completed, +and the license obtained. Happy should she be, could the kind Captain +Tomlinson obtain her uncle's presence privately. + +A good hint!--It may perhaps be improved upon--either for a delay or a +pacifier. + +No new delays for Heaven's sake, I besought her; and reproached her +gently for the past. Name but the day--(an early day, I hoped it would +be, in the following week)--that I might hail its approach, and number +the tardy hours. + +My cheek reclined on her shoulder--kissing her hands by turns. Rather +bashfully than angrily reluctant, her hands sought to be withdrawn; her +shoulder avoiding my reclined cheek--apparently loth, and more loth to +quarrel with me; her downcast eye confessing more than her lips can +utter. Now surely, thought I, is my time to try if she can forgive a +still bolder freedom than I had ever yet taken. + +I then gave her struggling hands liberty. I put one arm round her waist: +I imprinted a kiss on her sweet lip, with a Be quiet only, and an averted +face, as if she feared another. + +Encouraged by so gentle a repulse, the tenderest things I said; and then, +with my other hand, drew aside the handkerchief that concealed the beauty +of beauties, and pressed with my burning lips the most charming breast +that ever my ravished eyes beheld. + +A very contrary passion to that which gave her bosom so delightful a +swell, immediately took place. She struggled out of my encircling arms +with indignation. I detained her reluctant hand. Let me go, said she. +I see there is no keeping terms with you. Base encroacher! Is this the +design of your flattering speeches? Far as matters have gone, I will for +ever renounce you. You have an odious heart. Let me go, I tell you. + +I was forced to obey, and she flung from me, repeating base, and adding +flattering, encroacher. + + +*** + + +In vain have I urged by Dorcas for the promised favour of dining with her. +She would not dine at all. She could not. + +But why makes she every inch of her person thus sacred?--So near the time +too, that she must suppose, that all will be my own by deed of purchase +and settlement? + +She has read, no doubt, of the art of the eastern monarchs, who sequester +themselves from the eyes of their subjects, in order to excite their +adoration, when, upon some solemn occasions, they think fit to appear in +public. + +But let me ask thee, Belford, whether (on these solemn occasions) the +preceding cavalcade; here a greater officer, and there a great minister, +with their satellites, and glaring equipages; do not prepare the eyes of +the wondering beholders, by degrees, to bear the blaze of canopy'd +majesty (what though but an ugly old man perhaps himself? yet) glittering +in the collected riches of his vast empire? + +And should not my beloved, for her own sake, descend, by degrees, from +goddess-hood into humanity? If it be pride that restrains her, ought not +that pride to be punished? If, as in the eastern emperors, it be art as +well as pride, art is what she of all women need not use. If shame, what +a shame to be ashamed to communicate to her adorer's sight the most +admirable of her personal graces? + +Let me perish, Belford, if I would not forego the brightest diadem in the +world, for the pleasure of seeing a twin Lovelace at each charming +breast, drawing from it his first sustenance; the pious task, for +physical reasons,* continued for one month and no more! + + +* In Pamela, Vol. III. Letter XXXII. these reasons are given, and are +worthy of every parent's consideration, as is the whole Letter, which +contains the debate between Mr. B. and his Pamela, on the important +subject of mothers being nurses to their own children. + + +I now, methinks, behold this most charming of women in this sweet office: +her conscious eye now dropt on one, now on the other, with a sigh of +maternal tenderness, and then raised up to my delighted eye, full of +wishes, for the sake of the pretty varlets, and for her own sake, that I +would deign to legitimate; that I would condescend to put on the nuptial +fetters. + + + +LETTER XII + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +MONDAY AFTERNOON. + + +A letter received from the worthy Captain Tomlinson has introduced me +into the presence of my charmer sooner than perhaps I should otherwise +have been admitted. + +Sullen her brow, at her first entrance into the dining-room. But I took +no notice of what had passed, and her anger of itself subsided. + +'The Captain, after letting me know that he chose not to write till he +had promised the draught of the settlements, acquaint me, that his friend +Mr. John Harlowe, in their first conference (which was held as soon as he +got down) was extremely surprised, and even grieved (as he feared he +would be) to hear that we were not married. The world, he said, who knew +my character, would be very censorious, were it owned, that we had lived +so long together unmarried in the same lodgings; although our marriage +were now to be ever so publicly celebrated. + +'His nephew James, he was sure, would make a great handle of it against +any motion that might be made towards a reconciliation; and with the +greater success, as there was not a family in the kingdom more jealous of +their honour than theirs.' + +This is true of the Harlowes, Jack: they have been called The proud +Harlowes: and I have ever found, that all young honour is supercilious +and touchy. + +But seest thou not how right I was in my endeavour to persuade my fair- +one to allow her uncle's friend to think us married; especially as he +came prepared to believe it; and as her uncle hoped it was so?--But +nothing on earth is so perverse as a woman, when she is set upon carrying +a point, and has a meek man, or one who loves his peace, to deal with. + +My beloved was vexed. She pulled out her handkerchief: but was more +inclined to blame me than herself. + +Had you kept your word, Mr. Lovelace, and left me when we came to +town--And there she stopt; for she knew, that it was her own fault that +we were not married before we left the country; and how could I leave her +afterwards, while her brother was plotting to carry her off by violence? + +Nor has this brother yet given over his machinations. + +For, as the Captain proceeds, 'Mr. John Harlowe owned to him (but in +confidence) that his nephew is at this time busied in endeavouring to +find out where we are; being assured (as I am not to be heard of at any +of my relations, or at my usual lodgings) that we are together. And that +we are not married is plain, as he will have it, from Mr. Hickman's +application so lately made to her uncle; and which was seconded by Mrs. +Norton to her mother. And her brother cannot bear that I should enjoy +such a triumph unmolested.' + +A profound sigh, and the handkerchief again lifted to the eye. But did +not the sweet soul deserve this turn upon her, for feloniously resolving +to rob me of herself, had the application made by Hickman succeeded? + +I read on to the following effect: + +'Why (asked Mr. Harlowe) was it said to his other inquiring friend, that +we were married; and that by his niece's woman, who ought to know? who +could give convincing reasons, no doubt'-- + +Here again she wept; took a turn across the room; then returned--Read on, +says she-- + +Will you, my dearest life, read it yourself? + +I will take the letter with me, by-and-by--I cannot see to read it just +now, wiping her eyes--read on--let me hear it all--that I may know your +sentiments upon this letter, as well as give my own. + +'The Captain then told uncle John the reasons that induced me to give out +that we were married; and the conditions on which my beloved was brought +to countenance it; which had kept us at the most punctilious distance. + +'But still Mr. Harlowe objected my character. And went away +dissatisfied. And the Captain was also so much concerned, that he cared +not to write what the result of his first conference was. + +'But in the next, which was held on receipt of the draughts, at the +Captain's house, (as the former was, for the greater secrecy,) when the +old gentleman had read them, and had the Captain's opinion, he was much +better pleased. And yet he declared, that it would not be easy to +persuade any other person of his family to believe so favourably of the +matter, as he was now willing to believe, were they to know that we had +lived so long together unmarried. + +'And then the Captain says, his dear friend made a proposal:--It was +this--That we should marry out of hand, but as privately as possible, as +indeed he found we intended, (for he could have no objection to the +draughts)--but yet, he expected to have present one trusty friend of his +own, for his better satisfaction'-- + +Here I stopt, with a design to be angry--but she desiring me to read on, +I obeyed. + +'--But that it should pass to every one living, except to that trusty +person, to himself, and to the Captain, that we were married from the +time that we had lived together in one house; and that this time should +be made to agree with that of Mr. Hickman's application to him from Miss +Howe.' + +This, my dearest life, said I, is a very considerate proposal. We have +nothing to do but to caution the people below properly on this head. I +did not think your uncle Harlowe capable of hitting upon such a charming +expedient as this. But you see how much his heart is in the +reconciliation. + +This was the return I met with--You have always, as a mark of your +politeness, let me know how meanly you think of every one in my family. + +Yet thou wilt think, Belford, that I could forgive her for the reproach. + +'The Captain does not know, says he, how this proposal will be relished +by us. But for his part, he thinks it an expedient that will obviate +many difficulties, and may possibly put an end to Mr. James Harlowe's +further designs: and on this account he has, by the uncle's advice, +already declared to two several persons, by whose means it may come to +that young gentleman's, that he [Captain Tomlinson] has very great reason +to believe that we were married soon after Mr. Hickman's application was +rejected. + +'And this, Mr. Lovelace, (says the Captain,) will enable you to pay a +compliment to the family, that will not be unsuitable to the generosity +of some of the declarations you were pleased to make to the lady before +me, (and which Mr. John Harlowe may make some advantage of in favour of a +reconciliation,) in that you were entitled to make the demand.' An +excellent contriver, surely, she must think this worthy Mr. Tomlinson to +be! + +But the Captain adds, 'that if either the lady or I disapprove of his +report of our marriage, he will retract it. Nevertheless, he must tell +me, that Mr. John Harlowe is very much set upon this way of proceeding; +as the only one, in his opinion, capable of being improved into a general +reconciliation. But if we do acquiesce in it, he beseeches my fair-one +not to suspend my day, that he may be authorized in what he says, as to +the truth of the main fact. [How conscientious this good man!] Nor must +it be expected, he says, that her uncle will take one step towards the +wished-for reconciliation, till the solemnity is actually over.' + +He adds, 'that he shall be very soon in town on other affairs; and then +proposes to attend us, and give us a more particular account of all that +has passed, or shall further pass, between Mr. Harlowe and him.' + +Well, my dearest life, what say you to your uncle's expedient? Shall I +write to the Captain, and acquaint him, that we have no objection to it? + +She was silent for a few minutes. At last, with a sigh, See, Mr. +Lovelace, said she, what you have brought me to, by treading after you in +such crooked paths!--See what disgrace I have incurred!--Indeed you have +not acted like a wise man. + +My beloved creature, do you not remember, how earnestly I besought the +honour of your hand before we came to town?--Had I been then favoured-- + +Well, well, Sir; there has been much amiss somewhere; that's all I will +say at present. And since what's past cannot be recalled, my uncle must +be obeyed, I think. + +Charmingly dutiful!--I had nothing then to do, that I might not be +behind-hand with the worthy Captain and her uncle, but to press for the +day. This I fervently did. But (as I might have expected) she repeated +her former answer; to wit, That when the settlements were completed; when +the license was actually obtained; it would be time enough to name the +day: and, O Mr. Lovelace, said she, turning from me with a grace +inimitably tender, her handkerchief at her eyes, what a happiness, if my +dear uncle could be prevailed upon to be personally a father, on this +occasion, to the poor fatherless girl! + +What's the matter with me!--Whence this dew-drop!--A tear!--As I hope to +be saved, it is a tear, Jack!--Very ready methinks!--Only on +reciting!--But her lovely image was before me, in the very attitude she +spoke the words--and indeed at the time she spoke them, these lines of +Shakespeare came into my head: + + Thy heart is big. Get thee apart and weep! + Passion, I see, is catching:--For my eye, + Seeing those beads of sorrow stand in thine, + Begin to water-- + +I withdrew, and wrote to the Captain to the following effect--'I desired +that he would be so good as to acquaint his dear friend that we entirely +acquiesced with what he had proposed; and had already properly cautioned +the gentlewomen of the house, and their servants, as well as our own: and +to tell him, That if he would in person give me the blessing of his dear +niece's hand, it would crown the wishes of both. In this case, I +consented, that his own day, as I presumed it would be a short one, +should be ours: that by this means the secret would be with fewer +persons: that I myself, as well as he, thought the ceremony could not be +too privately performed; and this not only for the sake of the wise end +he had proposed to answer by it, but because I would not have Lord M. +think himself slighted; since that nobleman, as I had told him [the +Captain] had once intended to be our nuptial-father; and actually made +the offer; but that we had declined to accept of it, and that for no +other reason than to avoid a public wedding; which his beloved niece +would not come into, while she was in disgrace with her friends. But +that if he chose not to do us this honour, I wished that Captain +Tomlinson might be the trusty person whom he would have be present on the +happy occasion.' + +I showed this letter to my fair-one. She was not displeased with it. +So, Jack, we cannot now move too fast, as to settlements and license: the +day is her uncle's day, or Captain Tomlinson's, perhaps, as shall best +suit the occasion. Miss Howe's smuggling scheme is now surely provided +against in all events. + +But I will not by anticipation make thee a judge of all the benefits that +may flow from this my elaborate contrivance. Why will these girls put me +upon my master-strokes? + +And now for a little mine which I am getting ready to spring. The first +that I have sprung, and at the rate I go on (now a resolution, and now a +remorse) perhaps the last that I shall attempt to spring. + +A little mine, I call it. But it may be attended with great effects. I +shall not, however, absolutely depend upon the success of it, having much +more effectual ones in reserve. And yet great engines are often moved by +small springs. A little spark falling by accident into a powder-magazine, +hath done more execution in a siege, than an hundred cannon. + +Come the worst, the hymeneal torch, and a white sheet, must be my amende +honorable, as the French have it. + + + +LETTER XIII + +MR. BELFORD, TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ. +TUESDAY, JUNE 6. + +Unsuccessful as hitherto my application to you has been, I cannot for the +heart of me forbear writing once more in behalf of this admirable woman: +and yet am unable to account for the zeal which impels me to take her +part with an earnestness so sincere. + +But all her merit thou acknowledgest; all thy own vileness thou +confessest, and even gloriest in it: What hope then of moving so hardened +a man?--Yet, as it is not too late, and thou art nevertheless upon the +crisis, I am resolved to try what another letter will do. It is but my +writing in vain, if it do no good; and if thou wilt let me prevail, I +knowthou wilt hereafter think me richly entitled to thy thanks. + +To argue with thee would be folly. The case cannot require it. I will +only entreat thee, therefore, that thou wilt not let such an excellence +lose the reward of her vigilant virtue. + +I believe there never were libertines so vile, but purposed, at some +future period of their lives, to set about reforming: and let me beg of +thee, that thou wilt, in this great article, make thy future repentance +as easy, as some time hence thou wilt wish thou hadst made it. + +If thou proceedest, I have no doubt that this affair will end tragically, +one way or another. It must. Such a woman must interest both gods and +men in her cause. But what I most apprehend is, that with her own hand, +in resentment of the perpetrated outrage, she (like another Lucretia) +will assert the purity of her heart: or, if her piety preserve her from +this violence, that wasting grief will soon put a period to her days. +And, in either case, will not the remembrance of thy ever-during guilt, +and transitory triumph, be a torment of torments to thee? + +'Tis a seriously sad thing, after all, that so fine a creature should +have fallen into such vile and remorseless hands: for, from thy cradle, +as I have heard thee own, thou ever delightedst to sport with and torment +the animal, whether bird or beast, that thou lovedst, and hadst a power +over. + +How different is the case of this fine woman from that of any other whom +thou hast seduced!--I need not mention to thee, nor insist upon the +striking difference: justice, gratitude, thy interest, thy vows, all +engaging thee; and thou certainly loving her, as far as thou art capable +of love, above all her sex. She not to be drawn aside by art, or to be +made to suffer from credulity, nor for want of wit and discernment, (that +will be another cutting reflection to so fine a mind as her's:) the +contention between you only unequal, as it is between naked innocence and +armed guilt. In every thing else, as thou ownest, her talents greatly +superior to thine!--What a fate will her's be, if thou art not at last +overcome by thy reiterated remorses! + +At first, indeed, when I was admitted into her presence,* (and till I +observed her meaning air, and heard her speak,) I supposed that she had +no very uncommon judgment to boast of: for I made, as I thought, but just +allowances for her blossoming youth, and for that loveliness of person, +and for that ease and elegance in her dress, which I imagined must have +taken up half her time and study to cultivate; and yet I had been +prepared by thee to entertain a very high opinion of her sense and her +reading. Her choice of this gay fellow, upon such hazardous terms, +(thought I,) is a confirmation that her wit wants that maturity which +only years and experience can give it. Her knowledge (argued I to +myself) must be all theory; and the complaisance ever consorting with an +age so green and so gay, will make so inexperienced a lady at least +forbear to show herself disgusted at freedoms of discourse in which those +present of her own sex, and some of ours, (so learned, so well read, and +so travelled,) allow themselves. + + +* See Vol. IV. Letter VII. + + +In this presumption I ran on; and having the advantage, as I conceited, +of all the company but you, and being desirous to appear in her eyes a +mighty clever fellow, I thought I showed away, when I said any foolish +things that had more sound than sense in them; and when I made silly +jests, which attracted the smiles of thy Sinclair, and the specious +Partington: and that Miss Harlowe did not smile too, I thought was owing +to her youth or affectation, or to a mixture of both, perhaps to a +greater command of her features.--Little dreamt I, that I was incurring +her contempt all the time. + +But when, as I said, I heard her speak, which she did not till she had +fathomed us all; when I heard her sentiments on two or three subjects, +and took notice of the searching eye, darting into the very inmost cells +of our frothy brains; by my faith, it made me look about me; and I began +to recollect, and be ashamed of all I had said before; in short, was +resolved to sit silent, till every one had talked round, to keep my folly +in countenance. And then I raised the subjects that she could join in, +and which she did join in, so much to the confusion and surprise of every +one of us!--For even thou, Lovelace, so noted for smart wit, repartee, +and a vein of raillery, that delighteth all who come near thee, sattest +in palpable darkness, and lookedst about thee, as well as we. + +One instance only of this shall I remind thee of. + +We talked of wit, and of it, and aimed at it, bandying it like a ball +from one to another, and resting it chiefly with thee, who wert always +proud enough and vain enough of the attribute; and then more especially +as thou hadst assembled us, as far as I know, principally to show the +lady thy superiority over us; and us thy triumph over her. And then +Tourville (who is always satisfied with wit at second-hand; wit upon +memory: other men's wit) repeated some verses, as applicable to the +subject; which two of us applauded, though full of double entendre. +Thou, seeing the lady's serious air on one of those repetitions, +appliedst thyself to her, desiring her notions of wit: a quality, thou +saidst, which every one prized, whether flowing from himself, or found in +another. + +Then it was that she took all our attention. It was a quality much +talked of, she said, but, she believed, very little understood. At +least, if she might be so free as to give her judgment of it from what +had passed in the present conversation, she must say, that wit with men +was one thing; with women another. + +This startled us all:--How the women looked!--How they pursed their +mouths; a broad smile the moment before upon each, from the verses they +had heard repeated, so well understood, as we saw, by their looks! While +I besought her to let us know, for our instruction, what wit with women: +for such I was sure it ought to be with men. + +Cowley, she said, had defined it prettily by negatives. Thou desiredst +her to repeat his definition. + +She did; and with so much graceful ease, and beauty, and propriety of +accent, as would have made bad poetry delightful. + + A thousand diff'rent shapes it bears; + Comely in thousand shapes appears. + 'Tis not a tale, 'tis not a jest, + Admir'd with laughter at a feast, + Nor florid talk, which must this title gain: + The proofs of wit for ever must remain. + Much less can that have any place + At which a virgin hides her face. + Such dross the fire must purge away:--'Tis just + The author blush there, where the reader must. + +Here she stopt, looking round upon her upon us all with conscious +superiority, as I thought. Lord, how we stared! Thou attemptedst to +give us thy definition of wit, that thou mightest have something to say, +and not seem to be surprised into silent modesty. + +But as if she cared not to trust thee with the subject, referring to the +same author as for his more positive decision, she thus, with the same +harmony of voice and accent, emphatically decided upon it. + + Wit, like a luxurious vine, + Unless to virtue's prop it join, + Firm and erect, tow'rd heaven bound, +Tho' it with beauteous leaves and pleasant fruit be crown'd, +It lies deform'd, and rotting on the ground. + +If thou recollectest this part of the conversation, and how like fools we +looked at one another; how much it put us out of conceit with ourselves, +and made us fear her, when we found our conversation thus excluded from +the very character which our vanity had made us think unquestionably +ours; and if thou profitest properly by the recollection; thou wilt be of +my mind, that there is not so much wit in wickedness as we had flattered +ourselves there was. + +And after all, I have been of opinion ever since that conversation, that +the wit of all the rakes and libertines down to little Johnny Hartop the +punster, consists mostly in saying bold and shocking things, with such +courage as shall make the modest blush, the impudent laugh, and the +ignorant stare. + +And why dost thou think I mention these things, so mal-a-propos, as it +may seem!--Only, let me tell thee, as an instance (among many that might +be given from the same evening's conversation) of this fine woman's +superiority in those talents which ennoble nature, and dignify her +sex--evidenced not only to each of us, as we offended, but to the +flippant Partington, and the grosser, but egregiously hypocritical +Sinclair, in the correcting eye, the discouraging blush, in which was +mixed as much displeasure as modesty, and sometimes, as the occasion +called for it, (for we were some of us hardened above the sense of +feeling delicate reproof,) by the sovereign contempt, mingled with a +disdainful kind of pity, that showed at once her own conscious worth, and +our despicable worthlessness. + +O Lovelace! what then was the triumph, even in my eye, and what is it +still upon reflection, of true jest, laughing impertinence, and an +obscenity so shameful, even to the guilty, that they cannot hint at it +but under a double meaning! + +Then, as thou hast somewhere observed,* all her correctives avowed by her +eye. Not poorly, like the generality of her sex, affecting ignorance of +meanings too obvious to be concealed; but so resenting, as to show each +impudent laugher the offence given to, and taken by a purity, that had +mistaken its way, when it fell into such company. + + +* See Vol. IV. Letter XLVIII. + + +Such is the woman, such is the angel, whom thou hast betrayed into thy +power, and wouldst deceive and ruin.---Sweet creature! did she but know +how she is surrounded, (as I then thought, as well as now think,) and +what is intended, how much sooner would death be her choice, than so +dreadful a situation!--'And how effectually would her story, were it +generally known, warn all the sex against throwing themselves into the +power of ours, let our vows, oaths, and protestations, be what they +will!' + +But let me beg of thee, once more, my dear Lovelace, if thou hast any +regard for thine own honour, for the honour of thy family, for thy future +peace, or for my opinion of thee, (who yet pretend not to be so much +moved by principle, as by that dazzling merit which ought still more to +attract thee,) to be prevailed upon--to be--to be humane, that's all-- +only, that thou wouldst not disgrace our common humanity! + +Hardened as thou art, I know that they are the abandoned people in the +house who keep thee up to a resolution against her. O that the sagacious +fair-one (with so much innocent charity in her own heart) had not so +resolutely held those women at distance!--that as she boarded there, she +had oftener tabled with them! Specious as they are, in a week's time, +she would have seen through them; they could not have been always so +guarded, as they were when they saw her but seldom, and when they +prepared themselves to see her; and she would have fled their house as a +place infected. And yet, perhaps, with so determined an enterprizer, +this discovery might have accelerated her ruin. + +I know that thou art nice in thy loves. But are there not hundreds of +women, who, though not utterly abandoned, would be taken with thee for +mere personal regards! Make a toy, if thou wilt, of principle, with +respect to such of the sex as regard it as a toy; but rob not an angel of +those purities, which, in her own opinion, constitute the difference +between angelic and brutal qualities. + +With regard to the passion itself, the less of soul in either man or +woman, the more sensual are they. Thou, Lovelace, hast a soul, though a +corrupted one; and art more intent (as thou even gloriest) upon the +preparative stratagem, that upon the end of conquering. + +See we not the natural bent of idiots and the crazed? The very appetite +is body; and when we ourselves are most fools, and crazed, then are we +most eager in these pursuits. See what fools this passion makes the +wisest men! What snivellers, what dotards, when they suffer themselves +to be run away with by it!--An unpermanent passion! Since, if (ashamed +of its more proper name) we must call it love, love gratified, is love +satisfied--and where consent on one side adds to the obligation on the +other. What then but remorse can follow a forcible attempt? + +Do not even chaste lovers choose to be alone in their courtship +preparations, ashamed to have even a child to witness to their foolish +actions, and more foolish expressions? Is this deified passion, in its +greatest altitudes, fitted to stand the day? Do not the lovers, when +mutual consent awaits their wills, retire to coverts, and to darkness, to +complete their wishes? And shall such a sneaking passion as this, which +can be so easily gratified by viler objects, be permitted to debase the +noblest? + +Were not the delays of thy vile purposes owing more to the awe which her +majestic virtue has inspired thee with, than to thy want of adroitness in +villany? [I must write my free sentiments in this case; for have I not +seen the angel?] I should be ready to censure some of thy contrivances +and pretences to suspend the expected day, as trite, stale, and (to me, +who know thy intention) poor; and too often resorted to, as nothing comes +of them to be gloried in; particularly that of Mennell, the vapourish +lady, and the ready-furnished house. + +She must have thought so too, at times, and in her heart despised thee +for them, or love thee (ungrateful as thou art!) to her misfortune; as +well as entertain hope against probability. But this would afford +another warning to the sex, were they to know her story; 'as it would +show them what poor pretences they must seem to be satisfied with, if +once they put themselves into the power of a designing man.' + +If trial only was thy end, as once was thy pretence,* enough surely hast +thou tried this paragon of virtue and vigilance. But I knew thee too +well, to expect, at the time, that thou wouldest stop there. 'Men of our +cast put no other bound to their views upon any of the sex, than what want +of power compels them to put.' I knew that from one advantage gained, +thou wouldest proceed to attempt another. Thy habitual aversion to +wedlock too well I knew; and indeed thou avowest thy hope to bring her to +cohabitation, in that very letter in which thou pretendest trial to be +thy principal view.** + + +* See Vol. III. Letter XVIII. +** Ibid. See also Letters XVI. and XVII. of that volume. + + +But do not even thy own frequent and involuntary remorses, when thou hast +time, place, company, and every other circumstance, to favour thee in thy +wicked design, convince thee, that there can be no room for a hope so +presumptuous?--Why then, since thou wouldest choose to marry her rather +than lose her, wilt thou make her hate thee for ever? + +But if thou darest to meditate personal trial, and art sincere in thy +resolution to reward her, as she behaves in it, let me beseech thee to +remove her from this vile house. That will be to give her and thy +conscience fair play. So entirely now does the sweet deluded excellence +depend upon her supposed happier prospects, that thou needest not to fear +that she will fly from thee, or that she will wish to have recourse to +that scheme of Miss Howe, which has put thee upon what thou callest thy +master-strokes. + +But whatever be thy determination on this head; and if I write not in +time, but that thou hast actually pulled off the mask; let it not be one +of the devices, if thou wouldest avoid the curses of every heart, and +hereafter of thy own, to give her, no not for one hour, (be her +resentment ever so great,) into the power of that villanous woman, who +has, if possible, less remorse than thyself; and whose trade it is to +break the resisting spirit, and utterly to ruin the heart unpractised in +evil.--O Lovelace, Lovelace, how many dreadful stories could this horrid +woman tell the sex! And shall that of a Clarissa swell the guilty list? + +But this I might have spared. Of this, devil as thou art, thou canst not +be capable. Thou couldst not enjoy a triumph so disgraceful to thy +wicked pride, as well as to humanity. + +Shouldest thou think, that the melancholy spectacle hourly before me has +made me more serious than usual, perhaps thou wilt not be mistaken. But +nothing more is to be inferred from hence (were I even to return to my +former courses) but that whenever the time of cool reflection comes, +whether brought on by our own disasters, or by those of others, we shall +undoubtedly, if capable of thought, and if we have time for it, think in +the same manner. + +We neither of us are such fools as to disbelieve a futurity, or to think, +whatever be our practice, that we came hither by chance, and for no end +but to do all the mischief we have it in our power to do. Nor am I +ashamed to own, that in the prayers which my poor uncle makes me read to +him, in the absence of a very good clergyman who regularly attends him, I +do not forget to put in a word or two for myself. + +If, Lovelace, thou laughest at me, thy ridicule will be more conformable +to thy actions than to thy belief.--Devils believe and tremble. Canst +thou be more abandoned than they? + +And here let me add, with regard to my poor old man, that I often wish +thee present but for one half hour in a day, to see the dregs of a gay +life running off in the most excruciating tortures that the cholic, the +stone, and the surgeon's knife can unitedly inflict, and to hear him +bewail the dissoluteness of his past life, in the bitterest anguish of a +spirit every hour expecting to be called to its last account.--Yet, by +all his confessions, he has not to accuse himself, in sixty-seven years +of life, of half the very vile enormities which you and I have committed +in the last seven only. + +I conclude with recommending to your serious consideration all I have +written, as proceeding from the heart and soul of + +Your assured friend, +JOHN BELFORD + + + +LETTER XIV + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +TUESDAY AFTERNOON, JUNE 6. + + +Difficulties still to be got over in procuring this plaguy license. I +ever hated, and ever shall hate, these spiritual lawyers, and their +court. + +And now, Jack, if I have not secured victory, I have a retreat. + +But hold--thy servant with a letter-- + + +*** + + +A confounded long one, though not a narrative one--Once more in behalf of +this lady?--Lie thee down, oddity! What canst thou write that can have +force upon me at this crisis?--And have I not, as I went along, made thee +to say all that was necessary for thee to say? + + +*** + + +Yet once more I will take thee up. + +Trite, stale, poor, (sayest thou,) are some of my contrivances; that of +the widow particularly!--I have no patience with thee. Had not that +contrivance its effect at that time, for a procrastination? and had I not +then reason to fear, that the lady would find enough to make her dislike +this house? and was it not right (intending what I intended) to lead her +on from time to time with a notion that a house of her own would be ready +for her soon, in order to induce her to continue here till it was? + +Trite, stale, and poor!--Thou art a silly fellow, and no judge, when thou +sayest this. Had I not, like a blockhead, revealed to thee, as I went +along, the secret purposes of my heart, but had kept all in till the event +had explained my mysteries, I would have defied thee to have been able, +any more than the lady, to have guessed at what was to befall her, till +it had actually come to pass. Nor doubt I, in this case, that, instead +of presuming to reflect upon her for credulity, as loving me to her +misfortune, and for hoping against probability, thou wouldest have been +readier, by far, to censure her for nicety and over-scrupulousness. And, +let me tell thee, that had she loved me as I wished her to love me, she +could not possibly have been so very apprehensive of my designs, nor so +ready to be influenced by Miss Howe's precautions, as she has always +been, although my general character made not for me with her. + +But, in thy opinion, I suffer for that simplicity in my contrivances, +which is their principal excellence. No machinery make I necessary. No +unnatural flights aim I at. All pure nature, taking advantage of nature, +as nature tends; and so simple my devices, that when they are known, +thou, even thou, imaginest thou couldest have thought of the same. And +indeed thou seemest to own, that the slight thou puttest upon them is +owing to my letting thee into them before-hand--undistingushing as well +as ungrateful as thou art! + +Yet, after all, I would not have thee think that I do not know my weak +places. I have formerly told thee, that it is difficult for the ablest +general to say what he will do, or what he can do, when he is obliged to +regulate his motions by those of a watchful enemy.* If thou givest due +weight to this consideration, thou wilt not wonder that I should make +many marches and countermarches, some of which may appear, to a slight +observer, unnecessary. + + +* See Vol. III. Letter XXXIX. + + +But let me cursorily enter into debate with thee on this subject, now I +am within sight of my journey's end. + +Abundance of impertinent things thou tellest me in this letter; some of +which thou hadst from myself; others that I knew before. + +All that thou sayest in this charming creature's praise is short of what +I have said and written on the inexhaustible subject. + +Her virtue, her resistance, which are her merits, are my stimulatives. +have I not told thee so twenty times over? + +Devil, as these girls between them call me, what of devil am I, but in my +contrivances? I am not more a devil than others in the end I aim at; for +when I have carried my point, it is still but one seduction. And I have +perhaps been spared the guilt of many seductions in the time. + +What of uncommon would there be in this case, but for her +watchfulness!--As well as I love intrigue and stratagem, dost think that +I had not rather have gained my end with less trouble and less guilt? + +The man, let me tell thee, who is as wicked as he can be, is a worse man +than I am. Let me ask any rake in England, if, resolving to carry his +point, he would have been so long about it? or have had so much +compunction as I have had? + +Were every rake, nay, were every man, to sit down, as I do, and write all +that enters into his head, or into his heart, and to accuse himself with +equal freedom and truth, what an army of miscreants should I have to keep +me in countenance! + +It is a maxim with some, that if they are left alone with a woman, and +make not an attempt upon her, she will think herself affronted--Are not +such men as these worse than I am? What an opinion must they have of the +whole sex! + +Let me defend the sex I so dearly love. If these elder brethren of ours +think they have general reason for their assertion, they must have kept +very bad company, or must judge of women's hearts by their own. She must +be an abandoned woman, who will not shrink as a snail into its shell at a +gross and sudden attempt. A modest woman must be naturally cold, +reserved, and shy. She cannot be so much and so soon affected as +libertines are apt to imagine. She must, at least, have some confidence +in the honour and silence of a man, before desire can possibly put forth +in her, to encourage and meet his flame. For my own part, I have been +always decent in the company of women, till I was sure of them. Nor have +I ever offered a great offence, till I have found little ones passed +over; and that they shunned me not, when they knew my character. + +My divine Clarissa has puzzled me, and beat me out of my play: at one +time, I hope to overcome by intimidating her; at another, by love; by the +amorous see-saw, as I have called it.* And I have only now to join +surprise to the other two, and see what can be done by all three. + + +* See Vol. III. Letter XVI. + + +And whose property, I pray thee, shall I invade, if I pursue my schemes +of love and vengeance? Have not those who have a right to her renounced +that right? Have they not wilfully exposed her to dangers? Yet must +know, that such a woman would be considered as lawful prize by as many as +could have the opportunity to attempt her?--And had they not thus cruelly +exposed her, is she not a single woman? And need I tell thee, Jack, that +men of our cast, the best of them [the worst stick at nothing] think it a +great grace and favour done to the married men, if they leave them their +wives to themselves; and compound for their sisters, daughters, wards +and nieces? Shocking as these principles must be to a reflecting mind, +yet such thou knowest are the principles of thousands (who would not act +so generously as I have acted by almost all of the sex, over whom I have +obtained a power); and as often carried into practice, as their +opportunities or courage will permit.--Such therefore have no right to +blame me. + +Thou repeatedly pleadest her sufferings from her family. But I have too +often answered this plea, to need to say any more now, than that she has +not suffered for my sake. For has she not been made the victim of the +malice of her rapacious brother and envious sister, who only waited for +an occasion to ruin her with her other relations; and took this as the +first to drive her out of the house; and, as it happened, into my arms?-- +Thou knowest how much against her inclination. + +As for her own sins, how many has the dear creature to answer for to love +and to me!--Twenty times, and twenty times twenty, has she not told me, +that she refused not the odious Solmes in favour to me? And as often has +she not offered to renounce me for the single life, if the implacables +would have received her on that condition?--Of what repetitions does thy +weak pity make me guilty? + +To look a litter farther back: Canst thou forget what my sufferings were +from this haughty beauty in the whole time of my attendance upon her +proud motions, in the purlieus of Harlowe-place, and at the little White +Hart, at Neale, as we called it?--Did I not threaten vengeance upon her +then (and had I not reason?) for disappointing me of a promised +interview? + +O Jack! what a night had I in the bleak coppice adjoining to her father's +paddock! My linen and wig frozen; my limbs absolutely numbed; my fingers +only sensible of so much warmth as enabled me to hold a pen; and that +obtained by rubbing the skin off, and by beating with my hands my +shivering sides! Kneeling on the hoar moss on one knee, writing on the +other, if the stiff scrawl could be called writing! My feet, by the time +I had done, seeming to have taken root, and actually unable to support me +for some minutes!--Love and rage then kept my heart in motion, [and only +love and rage could do it,] or how much more than I did suffer must I +have suffered! + +I told thee, at my melancholy return, what were the contents of the +letter I wrote.* And I showed thee afterwards her tyrannical answer to +it.** Thou, then, Jack, lovedst thy friend; and pitiedst thy poor +suffering Lovelace. Even the affronted God of Love approved then of my +threatened vengeance against the fair promiser; though of the night of my +sufferings, he is become an advocate for her. + + +* See Vol. II. Letter XX. +** Ibid. + + +Nay, was it not he himself that brought to me my adorable Nemesis; and +both together put me upon this very vow, 'That I would never rest till I +had drawn in this goddess-daughter of the Harlowes to cohabit with me; +and that in the face of all their proud family?' + +Nor canst thou forget this vow. At this instant I have thee before me, +as then thou sorrowfully lookedst. Thy strong features glowing with +compassion for me; thy lips twisted; thy forehead furrowed; thy whole +face drawn out from the stupid round into the ghastly oval; every muscle +contributing its power to complete the aspect grievous; and not one word +couldst thou utter, but Amen! to my vow. + +And what of distinguishing love, or favour, or confidence, have I had +from her since, to make me forego this vow! + +I renewed it not, indeed, afterwards; and actually, for a long season, +was willing to forget it; till repetitions of the same faults revived the +remembrance of the former. And now adding to those the contents of some +of Miss Howe's virulent letters, so lately come at, what canst thou say +for the rebel, consistent with thy loyalty to thy friend? + +Every man to his genius and constitution. Hannibal was called The father +of warlike stratagems. Had Hannibal been a private man, and turned his +plotting head against the other sex; or had I been a general, and, turned +mine against such of my fellow-creatures of my own, as I thought myself +entitled to consider as my enemies, because they were born and lived in a +different climate; Hannibal would have done less mischief; Lovelace +more.--That would have been the difference. + +Not a sovereign on earth, if he be not a good man, and if he be of a +warlike temper, but must do a thousand times more mischief than I. And +why? Because he has it in his power to do more. + +An honest man, perhaps thou'lt say, will not wish to have it in his power +to do hurt. He ought not, let me tell him: for, if he have it, a +thousand to one but it makes him both wanton and wicked. + +In what, then, am I so singularly vile? + +In my contrivances thou wilt say, (for thou art my echo,) if not in my +proposed end of them. + +How difficult does every man find it, as well as I, to forego a +predominant passion! I have three passions that sway me by turns; all +imperial ones--love, revenge, ambition or a desire of conquest. + +As to this particular contrivance of Tomlinson and the uncle, which +perhaps thou wilt think a black one; that had been spared, had not these +innocent ladies put me upon finding a husband for their Mrs. Townsend: +that device, therefore, is but a preventive one. Thinkest thou that I +could bear to be outwitted? And may not this very contrivance save a +world of mischief? for dost thou think I would have tamely given up the +lady to Townsend's tars? + +What meanest thou, except to overthrow thy own plea, when thou sayest, +that men of our cast know no other bound to their wickedness, but want of +power; yet knowest this lady to be in mine? + +Enough, sayest thou, have I tried this paragon of virtue. Not so; for I +have not tried her at all--all I have been doing is but preparation to a +trial. + +But thou art concerned for the means that I may have recourse to in the +trial, and for my veracity. + +Silly fellow!--Did ever any man, thinkest thou, deceive a woman, but at +the expense of his veracity; how, otherwise, can he be said to deceive? + +As to the means, thou dost not imagine that I expect a direct consent. +My main hope is but in a yielding reluctance; without which I will be +sworn, whatever rapes have been attempted, none ever were committed, one +person to one person. And good Queen Bess of England, had she been +living, and appealed to, would have declared herself of my mind. + +It would not be amiss for the sex to know what our opinions are upon this +subject. I love to warn them. I wish no man to succeed with them but +myself. I told thee once, that though a rake, I am not a rake's friend.* + + +* See Vol. III. Letter XVIII. + + +Thou sayest, that I ever hated wedlock. And true thou sayest. And yet +as true, when thou tellest me, that I would rather marry than lose this +lady. And will she detest me for ever, thinkest thou, if I try her, and +succeed not?--Take care--take care, Jack!--Seest thou not that thou +warnest me that I do not try without resolving to conquer? + +I must add, that I have for some time been convinced that I have done +wrong to scribble to thee so freely as I have done (and the more so, if I +make the lady legally mine); for has not every letter I have written to +thee been a bill of indictment against myself? I may partly curse my +vanity for it; and I think I will refrain for the future; for thou art +really very impertinent. + +A good man, I own, might urge many of the things thou urgest; but, by my +soul, they come very awkwardly from thee. And thou must be sensible, +that I can answer every tittle of what you writest, upon the foot of the +maxims we have long held and pursued.--By the specimen above, thou wilt +see that I can. + +And pr'ythee tell me, Jack, what but this that follows would have been +the epitome of mine and my beloved's story, after ten years' +cohabitation, had I never written to thee upon the subject, and had I not +been my own accuser? + +'Robert Lovelace, a notorious woman-eater, makes his addresses in an +honourable way to Miss Clarissa Harlowe; a young lady of the highest +merit--fortunes on both sides out of the question. + +'After encouragement given, he is insulted by her violent brother; who +thinks it his interest to discountenance the match; and who at last +challenging him, is obliged to take his worthless life at his hands. + +'The family, as much enraged, as if he had taken the life he gave, insult +him personally, and find out an odious lover for the young lady. + +'To avoid a forced marriage, she is prevailed upon to take a step which +throws her into Mr. Lovelace's protection. + +'Yet, disclaiming any passion for him, she repeatedly offers to renounce +him for ever, if, on that condition, her relations will receive her, and +free her from the address of the man she hates. + +'Mr. Lovelace, a man of strong passions, and, as some say, of great +pride, thinks himself under very little obligation to her on this +account; and not being naturally fond of marriage, and having so much +reason to hate her relations, endeavours to prevail upon her to live with +him what he calls the life of honour; and at last, by stratagem, art, and +contrivance, prevails. + +'He resolves never to marry any other woman: takes a pride to have her +called by his name: a church-rite all the difference between them: treats +her with deserved tenderness. Nobody questions their marriage but those +proud relations of her's, whom he wishes to question it. Every year a +charming boy. Fortunes to support the increasing family with splendor. +A tender father. Always a warm friend; a generous landlord; and a +punctual paymaster. Now-and-then however, perhaps, indulging with a new +object, in order to bring him back with greater delight to his charming +Clarissa--his only fault, love of the sex--which, nevertheless, the women +say, will cure itself--defensible thus far, that he breaks no contracts +by his rovings.'-- + +And what is there so very greatly amiss, AS THE WORLD GOES, in all this? + +Let me aver, that there are thousands and ten thousands, who have worse +stories to tell than this would appear to be, had I not interested thee +in the progress to my great end. And besides, thou knowest that the +character I gave myself to Joseph Leman, as to my treatment of my +mistress, is pretty near the truth.* + + +* See Vol. III. Letter XLVIII. + + +Were I to be as much in earnest in my defence, as thou art warm in my +arraignment, I could convince thee, by other arguments, observations, and +comparisons, [Is not all human good and evil comparative?] that though +from my ingenuous temper (writing only to thee, who art master of every +secret of my heart) I am so ready to accuse myself in my narrations, yet +I have something to say for myself to myself, as I go along; though no +one else, perhaps, that was not a rake, would allow any weight to it.-- +And this caution might I give to thousands, who would stoop for a stone +to throw at me: 'See that your own predominant passions, whatever they +be, hurry you not into as much wickedness as mine do me. See, if ye +happen to be better than I in some things, that ye are not worse in +others; and in points too, that may be of more extensive bad consequence, +than that of seducing a girl, (and taking care of her afterwards,) who, +from her cradle, is armed with cautions against the delusions of men.' +And yet I am not so partial to my own follies as to think lightly of this +fault, when I allow myself to think. + +Another grave thing I will add, now my hand is in: 'So dearly do I love +the sex, that had I found that a character for virtue had been generally +necessary to recommend me to them, I should have had a much greater +regard to my morals, as to the sex, than I have had.' + +To sum all up--I am sufficiently apprized, that men of worthy and honest +hearts, who never allowed themselves in premeditated evil, and who take +into the account the excellencies of this fine creature, will and must +not only condemn, but abhor me, were they to know as much of me as thou +dost. But, methinks, I would be glad to escape the censure of those men, +and of those women too, who have never known what capital trials and +temptations are; of those who have no genius for enterprise; of those who +want rather courage than will; and most particularly of those who have +only kept their secret better than I have kept, or wish to keep, mine. +Were those exceptions to take place, perhaps, Jack, I should have ten to +acquit to one that should condemn me. Have I not often said, that human +nature is a rogue? + + +*** + + +I threatened above to refrain writing to thee. But take it not to heart, +Jack--I must write on, and cannot help it. + + + +LETTER XV + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +WEDNESDAY NIGHT, ELEVEN O'CLOCK. + + +Faith, Jack, thou hadst half undone me with thy nonsense, though I would +not own it on my yesterday's letter: my conscience of thy party before.-- +But I think I am my own man again. + +So near to execution my plot; so near springing my mine; all agreed upon +between the women and me; or I believe thou hadst overthrown me. + +I have time for a few lines preparative to what is to happen in an hour +or two; and I love to write to the moment. + +We have been extremely happy. How many agreeable days have we known +together!--What may the next two hours produce. + +When I parted with my charmer, (which I did, with infinite reluctance, +half an hour ago,) it was upon her promise that she would not sit up to +write or read. For so engaging was the conversation to me, (and indeed +my behaviour throughout the whole of it was confessedly agreeable to +her,) that I insisted, if she did not directly retire to rest, that she +should add another happy hour to the former. + +To have sat up writing or reading half the night, as she sometimes does, +would have frustrated my view, as thou wilt observe, when my little plot +unravels. + + +*** + + +What--What--What now!--Bounding villain! wouldst thou choke me?-- + +I was speaking to my heart, Jack!--It was then at my throat.--And what is +all this for?--These shy women, how, when a man thinks himself near the +mark, do they tempest him! + + +*** + + +Is all ready, Dorcas? Has my beloved kept her word with me?--Whether are +these billowy heavings owing more to love or to fear? I cannot tell, for +the soul of me, of which I have most. If I can but take her before her +apprehension, before her eloquence, is awake-- + +Limbs, why thus convulsed?--Knees, till now so firmly knit, why thus +relaxed? why beat you thus together? Will not these trembling fingers, +which twice have refused to direct the pen, fail me in the arduous +moment? + +Once again, why and for what all these convulsions? This project is not +to end in matrimony, surely! + +But the consequences must be greater than I had thought of till this +moment--my beloved's destiny or my own may depend upon the issue of the +two next hours! + +I will recede, I think!-- + + +*** + + +Soft, O virgin saint, and safe as soft, be thy slumbers! + +I will now once more turn to my friend Belford's letter. Thou shalt have +fair play, my charmer. I will reperuse what thy advocate has to say for +thee. Weak arguments will do, in the frame I am in!-- + +But, what, what's the matter!--What a double--But the uproar abates!--What +a double coward am I!--Or is it that I am taken in a cowardly minute? for +heroes have their fits of fear; cowards their brave moments; and virtuous +women, all but my Clarissa, their moment critical-- + +But thus coolly enjoying the reflection in a hurricane!--Again the +confusion is renewed-- + +What! Where!--How came it! + +Is my beloved safe-- + +O wake not too roughly, my beloved! + + + +LETTER XVI + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +THURSDAY MORNING, FIVE O'CLOCK, (JUNE 8.) + + +Now is my reformation secure; for I never shall love any other woman! Oh! +she is all variety! She must ever be new to me! Imagination cannot +form; much less can the pencil paint; nor can the soul of painting, +poetry, describe an angel so exquisitely, so elegantly lovely!--But I +will not by anticipation pacify thy impatience. Although the subject is +too hallowed for profane contemplation, yet shalt thou have the whole +before thee as it passed: and this not from a spirit wantoning in +description upon so rich a subject; but with a design to put a bound to +thy roving thoughts. It will be iniquity, greater than a Lovelace was +ever guilty of, to carry them farther than I shall acknowledge. + +Thus then, connecting my last with the present, I lead to it. + +Didst thou not, by the conclusion of my former, perceive the +consternation I was in, just as I was about to reperuse thy letter, in +order to prevail upon myself to recede from my purpose of awaking in +terrors my slumbering charmer? And what dost think was the matter? + +I'll tell thee-- + +At a little after two, when the whole house was still, or seemed to be +so, and, as it proved, my Clarissa in bed, and fast asleep; I also in a +manner undressed (as indeed I was for an hour before) and in my gown and +slippers, though, to oblige thee, writing on!--I was alarmed by a +trampling noise over head, and a confused buz of mixed voices, some +louder than others, like scolding, and little short of screaming. While +I was wondering what could be the matter, down stairs ran Dorcas, and at +my door, in an accent rather frightedly and hoarsely inward than shrilly +clamorous, she cried out Fire! Fire! And this the more alarmed me, as +she seemed to endeavour to cry out louder, but could not. + +My pen (its last scrawl a benediction on my beloved) dropped from my +fingers; and up started I; and making but three steps to the door, +opening it, cried out, Where! Where! almost as much terrified as the +wench; while she, more than half undrest, her petticoats in her hand, +unable to speak distinctly, pointed up stairs. + +I was there in a moment, and found all owing to the carelessness of Mrs. +Sinclair's cook-maid, who having sat up to read the simple History of +Dorastus and Faunia, when she should have been in bed, had set fire to an +old pair of calico window-curtains. + +She had had the presence of mind, in her fright, to tear down the half- +burnt vallens, as well as curtains, and had got them, though blazing, +into the chimney, by the time I came up; so that I had the satisfaction +to find the danger happily over. + +Mean time Dorcas, after she had directed me up stairs, not knowing the +worst was over, and expecting every minute the house would be in a blaze, +out of tender regard for her lady, [I shall for ever love the wench for +it,] ran to her door, and rapping loudly at it, in a recovered voice, +cried out, with a shrillness equal to her love, Fire! Fire! The house is +on fire!--Rise, Madam!--This instant rise--if you would not be burnt in +your bed! + +No sooner had she made this dreadful out-cry, but I heard her lady's +door, with hasty violence, unbar, unbolt, unlock, and open, and my +charmer's voice sounding like that of one going into a fit. + +Thou mayest believe that I was greatly affected. I trembled with concern +for her, and hastened down faster than the alarm of fire had made me run +up, in order to satisfy her that all the danger was over. + +When I had flown down to her chamber-door, there I beheld the most +charming creature in the world, supporting herself on the arm of the +gasping Dorcas, sighing, trembling, and ready to faint, with nothing on +but an under petticoat, her lovely bosom half open, and her feet just +slipped into her shoes. As soon as she saw me, she panted, and +struggled to speak; but could only say, O Mr. Lovelace! and down was +ready to sink. + +I clasped her in my arms with an ardour she never felt before: My dearest +life! fear nothing: I have been up--the danger is over--the fire is got +under--and how, foolish devil, [to Dorcas,] could you thus, by your +hideous yell, alarm and frighten my angel! + +O Jack! how her sweet bosom, as I clasped her to mine, heaved and panted! +I could even distinguish her dear heart flutter, flutter, against mine; +and, for a few minutes, I feared she would go into fits. + +Lest the half-lifeless charmer should catch cold in this undress, I +lifted her to her bed, and sat down by her upon the side of it, +endeavouring with the utmost tenderness, as well of action as expression, +to dissipate her terrors. + +But what did I get by this my generous care of her, and my successful +endeavour to bring her to herself?--Nothing (ungrateful as she was!) but +the most passionate exclamations: for we had both already forgotten the +occasion, dreadful as it was, which had thrown her into my arms: I, from +the joy of encircling the almost disrobed body of the loveliest of her +sex; she, from the greater terrors that arose from finding herself in my +arms, and both seated on the bed, from which she had been so lately +frighted. + +And now, Belford, reflect upon the distance at which the watchful charmer +had hitherto kept me: reflect upon my love, and upon my sufferings for +her: reflect upon her vigilance, and how long I had laid in wait to elude +it; the awe I had stood in, because of her frozen virtue and +over-niceness; and that I never before was so happy with her; and then +think how ungovernable must be my transports in those happy moments!--And +yet, in my own account, I was both decent and generous. + +But, far from being affected, as I wished, by an address so fervent, +(although from a man from whom she had so lately owned a regard, and with +whom, but an hour or two before, she had parted with so much +satisfaction,) I never saw a bitterer, or more moving grief, when she +came fully to herself. + +She appealed to Heaven against my treachery, as she called it; while I, +by the most solemn vows, pleaded my own equal fright, and the reality of +the danger that had alarmed us both. + +She conjured me, in the most solemn and affecting manner, by turns +threatening and soothing, to quit her apartment, and permit her to hide +herself from the light, and from every human eye. + +I besought her pardon, yet could not avoid offending; and repeatedly +vowed, that the next morning's sun should witness our espousals. But +taking, I suppose, all my protestations of this kind as an indication +that I intended to proceed to the last extremity, she would hear nothing +that I said; but, redoubling her struggles to get from me, in broken +accents, and exclamations the most vehement, she protested, that she +would not survive what she called a treatment so disgraceful and +villanous; and, looking all wildly round her, as if for some instrument +of mischief, she espied a pair of sharp-pointed scissors on a chair by +the bed-side, and endeavoured to catch them up, with design to make her +words good on the spot. + +Seeing her desperation, I begged her to be pacified; that she would hear +me speak but one word; declaring that I intended no dishonour to her: and +having seized the scissors, I threw them into the chimney; and she still +insisting vehemently upon my distance, I permitted her to take the chair. + +But, O the sweet discomposure!--Her bared shoulders, and arms so +inimitably fair and lovely: her spread hands crossed over her charming +neck; yet not half concealing its glossy beauties: the scanty coat, as +she rose from me, giving the whole of her admirable shape, and fine- +turn'd limbs: her eyes running over, yet seeming to threaten future +vengeance: +and at last her lips uttering what every indignant look and glowing +feature portended: exclaiming as if I had done the worst I could do, and +vowing never to forgive me; wilt thou wonder if I resumed the incensed, +the already too-much-provoked fair-one? + +I did; and clasped her once more to my bosom: but, considering the +delicacy of her frame, her force was amazing, and showed how much in +earnest she was in her resentment; for it was with the utmost difficulty +that I was able to hold her: nor could I prevent her sliding through my +arms, to fall upon her knees: which she did at my feet: and there in the +anguish of her soul, her streaming eyes lifted up to my face with +supplicating softness, hands folded, dishevelled hair; for her night +head-dress having fallen off in her struggling, her charming tresses fell +down in naturally shining ringlets, as if officious to conceal the +dazzling beauties of her neck and shoulders; her lovely bosom too heaving +with sighs, and broken sobs, as if to aid her quivering lips in pleading +for her--in this manner, but when her grief gave way to her speech, in +words pronounced with that emphatical propriety, which distinguishes this +admirable creature in her elocution from all the women I ever heard +speak, did she implore my compassion and my honour. + +'Consider me, dear Lovelace,' [dear was her charming word!] 'on my knees +I beg you to consider me as a poor creature who has no protector but you; +who has no defence but your honour: by that honour! by your humanity! by +all you have vowed! I conjure you not to make me abhor myself! not to +make me vile in my own eyes!' + +I mentioned to-morrow as the happiest day of my life. + +Tell me not of to-morrow. If indeed you mean me honourably, now, this +very instant NOW! you must show it, and be gone! you can never in a whole +long life repair the evils you NOW make me suffer! + +Wicked wretch!--Insolent villain!--yes, she called me insolent villain, +although so much in my power! And for what!--only for kissing (with +passion indeed) her inimitable neck, her lips, her cheeks, her forehead, +and her streaming eyes, as this assemblage of beauties offered itself at +once to my ravished sight; she continuing kneeling at my feet as I sat. + +If I am a villain, Madam!--And then my grasping, but trembling hand--I +hope I did not hurt the tenderest and loveliest of all her beauties--If I +am a villain, Madam-- + +She tore my ruffle, shrunk from my happy hand, with amazing force and +agility, as with my other arm I would have encircled her waist. + +Indeed you are!--the worst of villains!--Help! dear, blessed people! and +screamed out--No help for a poor creature! + +Am I then a villain, Madam?--Am I then a villain, say you?--and clasped +both my arms about her, offering to raise her to my bounding heart. + +Oh! no!--And yet you are!--And again I was her dear Lovelace!--her hands +again clasped over her charming bosom:--Kill me! kill me!--if I am odious +enough in your eyes to deserve this treatment: and I will thank you!--Too +long, much too long has my life been a burden to me!--Or, (wildly looking +all round her,) give me but the means, and I will instantly convince you +that my honour is dearer to me than my life! + +Then, with still folded hands, and fresh streaming eyes, I was her +blessed Lovelace; and she would thank me with her latest breath if I +would permit her to make that preference, or free her from farther +indignities. + +I sat suspended for a moment: by my soul, thought I, thou art, upon full +proof, an angel and no woman! still, however, close clasping her to my +bosom, as I raised her from her knees, she again slid through my arms, +and dropped upon them.--'See, Mr. Lovelace!--Good God! that I should live +to see this hour, and to bear this treatment!--See at your feet a poor +creature, imploring your pity; who, for your sake, is abandoned of all +the world. Let not my father's curse thus dreadfully operate! be not you +the inflicter, who have been the cause of it: but spare me, I beseech +you, spare me!--for how have I deserved this treatment from you? for your +own sake, if not for my sake, and as you would that God Almighty, in your +last hour, should have mercy upon you, spare me!' + +What heart but must have been penetrated! + +I would again have raised the dear suppliant from her knees; but she +would not be raised, till my softened mind, she said, had yielded to her +prayer, and bid her rise to be innocent. + +Rise then, my angel! rise, and be what you are, and all you wish to be! +only pronounce me pardoned for what has passed, and tell me you will +continue to look upon me with that eye of favour and serenity which I +have been blessed with for some days past, and I will submit to my +beloved conqueress, whose power never was at so great an height with me, +as now, and retire to my apartment. + +God Almighty, said she, hear your prayers in your most arduous moments, +as you have heard mine! and now leave me, this moment leave me, to my own +recollection: in that you will leave me to misery enough, and more than +you ought to wish to your bitterest enemy. + +Impute not every thing, my best beloved, to design, for design it was +not-- + +O Mr. Lovelace! + +Upon my soul, Madam, the fire was real--[and so it was, Jack!]--The +house, my dearest life, might have been consumed by it, as you will be +convinced in the morning by ocular demonstration. + +O Mr. Lovelace!-- + +Let my passion for you, Madam, and the unexpected meeting of you at your +chamber-door, in an attitude so charming-- + +Leave me, leave me, this moment!--I beseech you leave me; looking wildly +and in confusion about her, and upon herself. + +Excuse me, my dearest creature, for those liberties which, innocent as +they were, your too great delicacy may make you take amiss-- + +No more! no more!--leave me, I beseech you! again looking upon herself, +and round her, in a sweet confusion--Begone! begone! + +Then weeping, she struggled vehemently to withdraw her hands, which all +the while I held between mine.--Her struggles!--O what additional charms, +as I now reflect, did her struggles give to every feature, every limb, of +a person so sweetly elegant and lovely! + +Impossible, my dearest life, till you pronounce my pardon!--Say but you +forgive me!--say but you forgive me! + +I beseech you to be gone! leave me to myself, that I may think what I can +do, and what I ought to do. + +That, my dearest creature, is not enough. You must tell me that I am +forgiven; that you will see me to-morrow as if nothing had happened. + +And then I clasped her again in my arms, hoping she would not forgive +me-- + +I will--I do forgive you--wretch that you are! + +Nay, my Clarissa! and is it such a reluctant pardon, mingled with a word +so upbraiding, that I am to be put off with, when you are thus (clasping +her close to me) in my power? + +I do, I do forgive you! + +Heartily? + +Yes, heartily! + +And freely? + +Freely! + +And will you look upon me to-morrow as if nothing had passed? + +Yes, yes! + +I cannot take these peevish affirmatives, so much like intentional +negatives!--Say, you will, upon your honour. + +Upon my honour, then--Oh! now, begone! begone!--and never never-- + +What! never, my angel!--Is this forgiveness? + +Never, said she, let what has passed be remembered more! + +I insisted upon one kiss to seal my pardon--and retired like a fool, a +woman's fool, as I was!--I sneakingly retired!--Couldst thou have +believed it? + +But I had no sooner entered my own apartment, than reflecting upon the +opportunity I had lost, and that all I had gained was but an increase of +my own difficulties; and upon the ridicule I should meet with below upon +a weakness so much out of my usual character; I repented, and hastened +back, in hope that, through the distress of mind which I left her in, she +had not so soon fastened the door; and I was fully resolved to execute +all my purposes, be the consequence what it would; for, thought I, I have +already sinned beyond cordial forgiveness, I doubt; and if fits and +desperation ensue, I can but marry at last, and then I shall make her +amends. + +But I was justly punished; for her door was fast: and hearing her sigh +and sob, as if her heart would burst, My beloved creature, said I, +rapping gently, [the sobbings then ceasing,] I want but to say three +words to you, which must be the most acceptable you ever heard from me. +Let me see you out for one moment. + +I thought I heard her coming to open the door, and my heart leapt in that +hope; but it was only to draw another bolt, to make it still the faster; +and she either could not or would not answer me, but retired to the +farther end of her apartment, to her closet, probably; and, more like a +fool than before, again I sneaked away. + +This was mine, my plot! and this was all I made of it!--I love her more +than ever!--And well I may!--never saw I polished ivory so beautiful as +her arms and shoulders; never touched I velvet so soft as her skin: her +virgin bosom--O Belford, she is all perfection! then such an elegance!-- +In her struggling losing her shoe, (but just slipt on, as I told thee,) +her pretty foot equally white and delicate as the hand of any other +woman, or even her own hand! + +But seest thou not that I have a claim of merit for a grace that every +body hitherto had denied me? and that is for a capacity of being moved by +prayers and tears--Where, where, on this occasion, was the callous, where +the flint, by which my heart was said to be surrounded? + +This, indeed, is the first instance, in the like case, that ever I was +wrought upon. But why? because, I never before encountered a resistance +so much in earnest: a resistance, in short, so irresistible. + +What a triumph has her sex obtained in my thoughts by this trial, and +this resistance? + +But if she can now forgive me--can!--she must. Has she not upon her +honour already done it?--But how will the dear creature keep that part of +her promise which engages her to see me in the morning as if nothing had +happened? + +She would give the world, I fancy, to have the first interview over!--She +had not best reproach me--yet not to reproach me!--what a charming +puzzle!--Let her break her word with me at her peril. Fly me she +cannot--no appeals lie from my tribunal--What friend has she in the +world, if my compassion exert not itself in her favour?--and then the +worthy Captain Tomlinson, and her uncle Harlowe, will be able to make all +up for me, be my next offence what it may. + +As to thy apprehensions of her committing any rashness upon herself, +whatever she might have done in her passion, if she could have seized +upon her scissors, or found any other weapon, I dare say there is no fear +of that from her deliberate mind. A man has trouble enough with these +truly pious, and truly virtuous girls; [now I believe there are such;] he +had need to have some benefit from, some security in, the rectitude of +their minds. + +In short, I fear nothing in this lady but grief: yet that's a slow +worker, you know; and gives time to pop in a little joy between its +sullen fits. + + + +LETTER XVII + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +THURSDAY MORNING, EIGHT O'CLOCK. + + +Her chamber-door has not yet been opened. I must not expect she will +breakfast with me. Nor dine with me, I doubt. A little silly soul, what +troubles does she make to herself by her over-niceness!--All I have done +to her, would have been looked upon as a frolic only, a romping bout, and +laughed off by nine parts in ten of the sex accordingly. The more she +makes of it, the more painful to herself, as well as to me. + +Why now, Jack, were it not better, upon her own notions, that she seemed +not so sensible as she will make herself to be, if she is very angry? + +But perhaps I am more afraid than I need. I believe I am. From her +over-niceness arises my fear, more than from any extraordinary reason for +resentment. Next time, she may count herself very happy, if she come off +no worse. + +The dear creature was so frightened, and so fatigued, last night, no +wonder she lies it out this morning. + +I hope she has had more rest than I have had. Soft and balmy, I hope, +have been her slumbers, that she may meet me in tolerable temper. All +sweetly blushing and confounded--I know how she will look!--But why +should she, the sufferer, be ashamed, when I, the trespasser, am not? + +But custom is a prodigious thing. The women are told how much their +blushes heighten their graces: they practise for them therefore: blushes +come as hastily when they call for them, as their tears: aye, that's it! +While we men, taking blushes for a sign of guilt or sheepishness, are +equally studious to suppress them. + + +*** + + +By my troth, Jack, I am half as much ashamed to see the women below, as +my fair-one can be to see me. I have not yet opened my door, that I may +not be obtruded upon my them. + +After all, what devils may one make of the sex! To what a height of-- +what shall I call it?--must those of it be arrived, who once loved a man +with so much distinction, as both Polly and Sally loved me; and yet can +have got so much above the pangs of jealousy, so much above the +mortifying reflections that arise from dividing and sharing with new +objects the affections of them they prefer to all others, as to wish for, +and promote a competitorship in his love, and make their supreme delight +consist in reducing others to their level!--For thou canst not imagine, +how even Sally Martin rejoiced last night in the thought that the lady's +hour was approaching. + + +PAST TEN O'CLOCK. + +I never longed in my life for any thing with so much impatience as to see +my charmer. She has been stirring, it seems, these two hours. + +Dorcas just now tapped at her door, to take her morning commands. + +She had none for her, was the answer. + +She desired to know, if she would not breakfast? + +A sullen and low-voiced negative received Dorcas. + +I will go myself. + + +*** + + +Three different times tapped I at the door, but had no answer. + +Permit me, dearest creature, to inquire after your health. As you have +not been seen to-day, I am impatient to know how you do. + +Not a word of answer; but a deep sigh, even to sobbing. + +Let me beg of you, Madam, to accompany me up another pair of stairs-- +you'll rejoice to see what a happy escape we have all had. + +A happy escape indeed, Jack!--For the fire had scorched the window-board, +singed the hangings, and burnt through the slit-deal linings of the +window-jambs. + +No answer, Madam!--Am I not worthy of one word?--Is it thus you keep your +promise with me?--Shall I not have the favour of your company for two +minutes [only for two minutes] in the dining-room? + +Hem!--and a deep sigh!--were all the answer. + +Answer me but how you do! Answer me but that you are well! Is this the +forgiveness that was the condition of my obedience? + +Then, with a faintish, but angry voice, begone from my door!--Wretch! +inhuman, barbarous, and all that is base and treacherous! begone from my +door! Nor tease thus a poor creature, entitled to protection, not +outrage. + +I see, Madam, how you keep your word with me--if a sudden impulse, the +effects of an unthought-of accident, cannot be forgiven-- + +O the dreadful weight of a father's curse, thus in the very letter of +it-- + +And then her voice dying away in murmurs inarticulate, I looked through +the key-hole, and saw her on her knees, her face, though not towards me, +lifted up, as well as hands, and these folded, depreciating, I suppose, +that gloomy tyrant's curse. + +I could not help being moved. + +My dearest life! admit me to your presence but for two minutes, and +confirm your promised pardon; and may lightning blast me on the spot, if +I offer any thing but my penitence, at a shrine so sacred!--I will +afterwards leave you for a whole day; till to-morrow morning; and then +attend you with writings, all ready to sign, a license obtained, or if it +cannot, a minister without one. This once believe me! When you see the +reality of the danger that gave occasion for this your unhappy +resentment, you will think less hardly of me. And let me beseech you to +perform a promise on which I made a reliance not altogether ungenerous. + +I cannot see you! Would to Heaven I never had! If I write, that's all I +can do. + +Let your writing then, my dearest life, confirm your promise: and I will +withdraw in expectation of it. + + +PAST ELEVEN O'CLOCK. + +She rung her bell for Dorcas; and, with her door in her hand, only half +opened, gave her a billet for me. + +How did the dear creature look, Dorcas? + +She was dressed. She turned her face quite from me; and sighed, as if +her heart would break. + +Sweet creature:--I kissed the wet wafer, and drew it from the paper with +my breath. + +These are the contents.--No inscriptive Sir! No Mr. Lovelace! + + +I cannot see you: nor will I, if I can help it. Words cannot express the +anguish of my soul on your baseness and ingratitude. + +If the circumstances of things are such, that I can have no way for +reconciliation with those who would have been my natural protectors from +such outrages, but through you, [the only inducement I have to stay a +moment longer in your knowledge,] pen and ink must be, at present, the +only means of communication between us. + +Vilest of men, and most detestable of plotters! how have I deserved from +you the shocking indignities--but no more--only for your own sake, wish +not, at least for a week to come, to see + +The undeservedly injured and insulted +CLARISSA HARLOWE + + +*** + + +So thou seest, nothing could have stood me in stead, but this plot of +Tomlinson and her uncle! To what a pretty pass, nevertheless, have I +brought myself!--Had Caesar been such a fool, he had never passed the +rubicon. But after he had passed it, had he retreated re infecta, +intimidated by a senatorial edict, what a pretty figure would he have +made in history!--I might have known, that to attempt a robbery, and put +a person in bodily fear, is as punishable as if the robbery had been +actually committed. + +But not to see her for a week!--Dear, pretty soul! how she anticipates me +in every thing! The counsellor will have finished the writings to-day or +to-morrow, at furthest: the license with the parson, or the parson +without the license, must also be procured within the next four-and- +twenty hours; Pritchard is as good as ready with his indentures +tripartite: Tomlinson is at hand with a favourable answer from her uncle +--yet not to see her for a week!----Dear sweet soul;--her good angel is +gone a journey: is truanting at least. But nevertheless, in thy week's +time, or in much less, my charmer, I doubt not to complete my triumph! + +But what vexes me of all things is, that such an excellent creature +should break her word:--Fie, fie, upon her!--But nobody is absolutely +perfect! 'Tis human to err, but not to persevere--I hope my charmer +cannot be inhuman! + + + +LETTER XVIII + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +KING'S ARMS, PALL-MALL, THURSDAY, TWO O'CLOCK. + + +Several billets passed between us before I went out, by the +internuncioship of Dorcas: for which reason mine are superscribed by her +married name.--She would not open her door to receive them; lest I should +be near it, I suppose: so Dorcas was forced to put them under the door +(after copying them for thee); and thence to take the answers. Read +them, if thou wilt, at this place. + + +*** + + +TO MRS. LOVELACE + +Indeed, my dearest life, you carry this matter too far. What will the +people below, who suppose us one as to the ceremony, think of so great a +niceness? Liberties so innocent! the occasion so accidental!--You will +expose yourself as well as me.--Hitherto they know nothing of what has +passed. And what indeed has passed to occasion all this resentment?--I +am sure you will not, by a breach of your word of honour, give me reason +to conclude that, had I not obeyed you, I could have fared no worse. + +Most sincerely do I repent the offence given to your delicacy--But must +I, for so accidental an occurrence, be branded by such shocking names?-- +Vilest of men, and most detestable of plotters, are hard words!--From the +pen of such a lady too. + +If you step up another pair of stairs, you will be convinced, that, +however detestable I may be to you, I am no plotter in this affair. + +I must insist upon seeing you, in order to take your directions upon some +of the subjects we talked of yesterday in the evening. + +All that is more than necessary is too much. I claim your promised +pardon, and wish to plead it on my knees. + +I beg your presence in the dining-room for one quarter of an hour, and I +will then leave you for the day, I am, + +My dearest life, +Your ever adoring and truly penitent +LOVELACE. + + +*** + + +TO MR. LOVELACE + +I will not see you. I cannot see you. I have no directions to give you. +Let Providence decide for me as it pleases. + +The more I reflect upon your vileness, your ungrateful, your barbarous +vileness, the more I am exasperated against you. + +You are the last person whose judgment I will take upon what is or is not +carried too far in matters of decency. + +'Tis grievous to me to write, or even to think of you at present. Urge +me no more then. Once more, I will not see you. Nor care I, now you +have made me vile to myself, what other people think of me. + + +*** + + +TO MRS. LOVELACE + +Again, Madam, I remind you of your promise: and beg leave to say, I +insist upon the performance of it. + +Remember, dearest creature, that the fault of a blameable person cannot +warrant a fault in one more perfect. Overniceness may be underniceness! + +I cannot reproach myself with any thing that deserves this high +resentment. + +I own that the violence of my passion for you might have carried me +beyond fit bounds--but that your commands and adjurations had power over +me at such a moment, I humbly presume to say, deserves some +consideration. + +You enjoin me not to see you for a week. If I have not your pardon +before Captain Tomlinson comes to town, what shall I say to him? + +I beg once more your presence in the dining-room. By my soul, Madam, I +must see you. + +I want to consult you about the license, and other particulars of great +importance. The people below think us married; and I cannot talk to you +upon such subjects with the door between us. + +For Heaven's sake, favour me with your presence for a few minutes: and I +will leave you for the day. + +If I am to be forgiven, according to your promise, the earlier +forgiveness will be most obliging, and will save great pain to yourself, +as well as to + +Your truly contrite and afflicted +LOVELACE. + + +*** + + +TO MR. LOVELACE + +The more you tease me, the worse it will be for you. + +Time is wanted to consider whether I ever should think of you at all. + +At present, it is my sincere wish, that I may never more see your face. + +All that can afford you the least shadow of favour from me, arises from +the hoped-for reconciliation with my real friends, not my Judas +protector. + +I am careless at present of consequences. I hate myself: And who is it I +have reason to value?--Not the man who could form a plot to disgrace his +own hopes, as well as a poor friendless creature, (made friendless by +himself,) by insults not to be thought of with patience. + + +*** + + +TO MRS. LOVELACE + +MADAM, +I will go to the Commons, and proceed in every particular as if I had not +the misfortune to be under your displeasure. + +I must insist upon it, that however faulty my passion, on so unexpected +an incident, made me appear to a lady of your delicacy, yet my compliance +with your entreaties at such a moment [as it gave you an instance of your +power over me, which few men could have shown] ought, duly considered, to +entitle me to the effects of that solemn promise which was the condition +of my obedience. + +I hope to find you in a kinder, and, I will say, juster disposition on my +return. Whether I get the license, or not, let me beg of you to make the +soon you have been pleased to bid me hope for, to-morrow morning. This +will reconcile every thing, and make me the happiest of men. + +The settlements are ready to sign, or will be by night. + +For Heaven's sake, Madam, do not carry your resentment into a displeasure +so disproportionate to the offence. For that would be to expose us both +to the people below; and, what is of infinite more consequence to us, to +Captain Tomlinson. Let us be able, I beseech you, Madam, to assure him, +on his next visit, that we are one. + +As I have no hope to be permitted to dine with you, I shall not return +till evening: and then, I presume to say, I expect [your promise +authorizes me to use the word] to find you disposed to bless, by your +consent for to-morrow, + +Your adoring +LOVELACE. + + +*** + + +What pleasure did I propose to take, how to enjoy the sweet confusion in +which I expected to find her, while all was so recent!--But she must, she +shall, see me on my return. It were better to herself, as well as for +me, that she had not made so much ado about nothing. I must keep my anger +alive, lest it sink into compassion. Love and compassion, be the +provocation ever so great, are hard to be separated: while anger converts +what would be pity, without it, into resentment. Nothing can be lovely +in a man's eye with which he is thoroughly displeased. + +I ordered Dorcas, on putting the last billet under the door, and finding +it taken up, to tell her, that I hoped an answer to it before I went out. + +Her reply was verbal, tell him that I care not whither he goes, nor what +he does.--And this, re-urged by Dorcas, was all she had to say to me. + +I looked through the key-hole at my going by her door, and saw her on her +knees, at her bed's feet, her head and bosom on the bed, her arms +extended; [sweet creature how I adore her!] and in an agony she seemed to +be, sobbing, as I heard at that distance, as if her heart would break.-- +By my soul, Jack, I am a pityful fellow! Recollection is my enemy!-- +Divine excellence!--Happy with her for so many days together! Now so +unhappy!--And for what?--But she is purity herself. And why, after all, +should I thus torment--but I must not trust myself with myself, in the +humour I am in. + + +*** + + +Waiting here for Mowbray and Mallory, by whose aid I am to get the +license, I took papers out of my pocket, to divert myself; and thy last +popt officiously the first into my hand. I gave it the honour of a +re-perusal; and this revived the subject with me, with which I had +resolved not to trust myself. + +I remember, that the dear creature, in her torn answer to my proposals, +says, condescension is not meanness. She better knows how to make this +out, than any mortal breathing. Condescension indeed implies dignity: +and dignity ever was there in her condescension. Yet such a dignity as +gave grace to the condescension; for there was no pride, no insult, no +apparent superiority, indicated by it.--This, Miss Howe confirms to be a +part of her general character.* + + +* See Vol. IV. Letter XXIII. + + +I can tell her, how she might behave, to make me her own for ever. She +knows she cannot fly me. She knows she must see me sooner or later; the +sooner the more gracious.--I would allow her to resent [not because the +liberties I took with her require resentment, were she not a CLARISSA; +but as it becomes her particular niceness to resent]: but would she show +more love than abhorrence of me in her resentment; would she seem, if it +were but to seem, to believe the fire no device, and all that followed +merely accidental; and descend, upon it, to tender expostulation, and +upbraiding for the advantage I would have taken of her surprise; and +would she, at last, be satisfied (as well she may) that it was attended +with no further consequence; and place some generous confidence in my +honour, [power loves to be trusted, Jack;] I think I would put an end to +all her trials, and pay her my vows at the altar. + +Yet, to have taken such bold steps, as with Tomlinson and her uncle--to +have made such a progress--O Belford, Belford, how I have puzzled myself, +as well as her!--This cursed aversion to wedlock how it has entangled +me!--What contradictions has it made me guilty of! + +How pleasing to myself, to look back upon the happy days I gave her; +though mine would doubtless have been unmixedly so, could I have +determined to lay aside my contrivances, and to be as sincere all the +time, as she deserved that I should be! + +If I find this humour hold but till to-morrow morning, [and it has now +lasted two full hours, and I seem, methinks, to have pleasure in +encouraging it,] I will make thee a visit, I think, or get thee to come +to me; and then will I--consult thee upon it. + +But she will not trust me. She will not confide in my honour. Doubt, in +this case, is defiance. She loves me not well enough to forgive me +generously. She is so greatly above me! How can I forgive her for a +merit so mortifying to my pride! She thinks, she knows, she has told me, +that she is above me. These words are still in my ears, 'Be gone, +Lovelace!--My soul is above thee, man!--Thou hast a proud heart to +contend with!--My soul is above thee, man!'* Miss Howe thinks her above +me too. Thou, even thou, my friend, my intimate friend and companion, +art of the same opinion. Then I fear her as much as I love her.--How +shall my pride bear these reflections? My wife (as I have often said, +because it so often recurs to my thoughts) to be so much my superior!-- +Myself to be considered but as the second person in my own family!--Canst +thou teach me to bear such a reflection as this!--To tell me of my +acquisition in her, and that she, with all her excellencies, will be mine +in full property, is a mistake--it cannot be so--for shall I not be +her's; and not my own?--Will not every act of her duty (as I cannot +deserve it) be a condescension, and a triumph over me?--And must I owe +it merely to her goodness that she does not despise me?--To have her +condescend to bear with my follies!--To wound me with an eye of pity!--A +daughter of the Harlowes thus to excel the last, and as I have heretofore +said, not the meanest of the Lovelaces**--forbid it! + + +* See Vol. IV. Letter XLVII. +** See Vol. III. Letter XVIII. + + +Yet forbid it not--for do I not now--do I not every moment--see her +before me all over charms, and elegance and purity, as in the struggles +of the past midnight? And in these struggles, heart, voice, eyes, hand, +and sentiments, so greatly, so gloriously consistent with the character +she has sustained from her cradle to the present hour? + +But what advantages do I give thee? + +Yet have I not always done her justice? Why then thy teasing +impertinence? + +However, I forgive thee, Jack--since (so much generous love am I capable +of!) I had rather all the world should condemn me, than that her +character should suffer the least impeachment. + +The dear creature herself once told me, that there was a strange mixture +in my mind.* I have been called Devil and Beelzebub, between the two +proud beauties: I must indeed be a Beelzebub, if I had not some tolerable +qualities. + + +* See Vol. III. Letter XXXIII. + + +But as Miss Howe says, the suffering time of this excellent creature is +her shining time.* Hitherto she has done nothing but shine. + + +* See Vol. IV. Letter XXIII. + + +She called me villain, Belford, within these few hours. And what is the +sum of the present argument; but that had I not been a villain in her +sense of the word, she had not been such an angel? + +O Jack, Jack! This midnight attempt has made me mad; has utterly undone +me! How can the dear creature say, I have made her vile in her own eyes, +when her behaviour under such a surprise, and her resentment under such +circumstances, have so greatly exalted her in mine? + +Whence, however, this strange rhapsody?--Is it owing to my being here? +That I am not at Sinclair's? But if there be infection in that house, +how has my beloved escaped it? + +But no more in this strain!--I will see what her behaviour will be on my +return--yet already do I begin to apprehend some little sinkings, some +little retrogradations: for I have just now a doubt arisen, whether, for +her own sake, I should wish her to forgive me lightly, or with +difficulty? + + +*** + + +I am in a way to come at the wished-for license. + +I have now given every thing between my beloved and me a full +consideration; and my puzzle is over. What has brought me to a speedier +determination is, that I think I have found out what she means by the +week's distance at which she intends to hold me. It is, that she may +have time to write to Miss Howe, to put in motion that cursed scheme of +her's, and to take measures upon it which shall enable her to abandon and +renounce me for ever. Now, Jack, if I obtain not admission to her +presence on my return; but am refused with haughtiness; if her week be +insisted upon (such prospects before her); I shall be confirmed in my +conjecture; and it will be plain to me, that weak at best was that love, +which could give place to punctilio, at a time when that all-reconciling +ceremony, as she must think, waits her command:--then will I recollect +all her perversenesses; then will I re-peruse Miss Howe's letters, and +the transcripts from others of them; give way to my aversion to the life +of shackles: and then shall she be mine in my own way. + +But, after all, I am in hopes that she will have better considered of +every thing by the evening; that her threat of a week's distance was +thrown out in the heat of passion; and that she will allow, that I have +as much cause to quarrel with her for breach of her word, as she has with +me for breach of the peace. + +These lines of Rowe have got into my head; and I shall repeat them very +devoutly all the way the chairman shall poppet me towards her by-and-by. + + Teach me, some power, the happy art of speech, + To dress my purpose up in gracious words; + Such as may softly steal upon her soul, + And never waken the tempestuous passions. + + + +LETTER XIX + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +THURSDAY EVENING, JUNE 8. + + +O for a curse to kill with!--Ruined! Undone! Outwitted! +Tricked!--Zounds, man, the lady has gone off!--Absolutely gone off! +Escaped!-- + +Thou knowest not, nor canst conceive, the pangs that wring my heart!-- +What can I do!--O Lord, O Lord, O Lord! + +And thou, too, who hast endeavoured to weaken my hands, wilt but clap thy +dragon's wings at the tidings! + +Yet I must write, or I shall go distracted! Little less have I been +these two hours; dispatching messengers to every stage, to every inn, to +every waggon or coach, whether flying or creeping, and to every house +with a bill up, for five miles around. + +The little hypocrite, who knows not a soul in this town, [I thought I was +sure of her at any time,] such an unexperienced traitress--giving me hope +too, in her first billet, that her expectation of the family- +reconciliation would withhold her from taking such a step as this--curse +upon her contrivances!--I thought, that it was owing to her bashfulness, +to her modesty, that, after a few innocent freedoms, she could not look +me in the face; when, all the while, she was impudently [yes, I say, +impudently, though she be Clarissa Harlowe] contriving to rob me of the +dearest property I had ever purchased--purchased by a painful servitude +of many months; fighting through the wild-beasts of her family for her, +and combating with a wind-mill virtue, which hath cost me millions of +perjuries only to attempt; and which now, with its damn'd air-fans, has +tost me a mile and a half beyond hope!--And this, just as I had arrived +within view of the consummation of all my wishes! + +O Devil of Love! God of Love no more--how have I deserved this of +thee!--Never before the friend of frozen virtue?--Powerless demon, for +powerless thou must be, if thou meanedest not to frustrate my hopes; who +shall henceforth kneel at thy altars!--May every enterprising heart +abhor, despise, execrate, renounce thee, as I do!--But, O Belford, +Belford, what signifies cursing now! + + +*** + + +How she could effect this her wicked escape is my astonishment; the whole +sisterhood having charge of her;--for, as yet, I have not had patience +enough to inquire into the particulars, nor to let a soul of them +approach me. + +Of this I am sure, or I had not brought her hither, there is not a +creature belonging to this house, that could be corrupted either by +virtue or remorse: the highest joy every infernal nymph, of this worse +than infernal habitation, could have known, would have been to reduce +this proud beauty to her own level.--And as to my villain, who also had +charge of her, he is such a seasoned varlet, that he delights in mischief +for the sake of it: no bribe could seduce him to betray his trust, were +there but wickedness in it!--'Tis well, however, he was out of my way +when the cursed news was imparted to me!--Gone, the villain! in quest of +her: not to return, nor to see my face [so it seems he declared] till he +has heard some tidings of her; and all the out-of-place varlets of his +numerous acquaintance are summoned and employed in the same business. + +To what purpose brought I this angel (angel I must yet call her) to this +hellish house?--And was I not meditating to do her deserved honour? By +my soul, Belford, I was resolved--but thou knowest what I had +conditionally resolved--And now, who can tell into what hands she may +have fallen! + +I am mad, stark mad, by Jupiter, at the thoughts of this!--Unprovided, +destitute, unacquainted--some villain, worse than myself, who adores her +not as I adore her, may have seized her, and taken advantage of her +distress!--Let me perish, Belford, if a whole hecatomb of innocents, as +the little plagues are called, shall atone for the broken promises and +wicked artifices of this cruel creature! + + +*** + + +Going home, as I did, with resolutions favourable to her, judge thou of +my distraction, when her escape was first hinted to me, although but in +broken sentences. I knew not what I said, nor what I did. I wanted to +kill somebody. I flew out of one room into another, who broke the matter +to me. I charged bribery and corruption, in my first fury, upon all; and +threatened destruction to old and young, as they should come in my way. + +Dorcas continues locked up from me: Sally and Polly have not yet dared to +appear: the vile Sinclair-- + +But here comes the odious devil. She taps at the door, thought that's +only a-jar, whining and snuffling, to try, I suppose, to coax me into +temper. + + +*** + + +What a helpless state, where a man can only execrate himself and others; +the occasion of his rage remaining; the evil increasing upon reflection; +time itself conspiring to deepen it!--O how I curs'd her! + +I have her now, methinks, before me, blubbering--how odious does sorrow +make an ugly face!--Thine, Jack, and this old beldam's, in penitentials, +instead of moving compassion, must evermore confirm hatred; while beauty +in tears, is beauty heightened, and what my heart has ever delighted to +see.---- + +'What excuse!--Confound you, and your cursed daughters, what excuse can +you make?--Is she not gone--Has she not escaped?--But before I am quite +distracted, before I commit half a hundred murders, let me hear how it +was.'---- + + +*** + + +I have heard her story!--Art, damn'd, confounded, wicked, unpardonable +art, is a woman of her character--But show me a woman, and I'll show thee +a plotter!--This plaguy sex is art itself: every individual of it is a +plotter by nature. + +This is the substance of the old wretch's account. + +She told me, 'That I had no sooner left the vile house, than Dorcas +acquainted the syren' [Do, Jack, let me call her names!--I beseech thee, +Jack, to permit me to call her names!] 'that Dorcas acquainted her lady +with it; and that I had left word, that I was gone to doctors-commons, +and should be heard of for some hours at the Horn there, if inquired +after by the counsellor, or anybody else: that afterwards I should be +either at the Cocoa-tree, or King's-Arms, and should not return till +late. She then urged her to take some refreshment. + +'She was in tears when Dorcas approached her; her saucy eyes swelled with +weeping: she refused either to eat or drink; sighed as if her heart would +break.'--False, devilish grief! not the humble, silent, grief, that only +deserves pity!--Contriving to ruin me, to despoil me of all that I held +valuable, in the very midst of it. + +'Nevertheless, being resolved not to see me for a week at least, she +ordered her to bring up three or four French rolls, with a little butter, +and a decanter of water; telling her, she would dispense with her +attendance; and that should be all she should live upon in the interim. +So artful creature! pretending to lay up for a week's siege.'--For, as to +substantial food, she, no more than other angels--Angels! said I--the +devil take me if she be any more an angel!--for she is odious in my eyes; +and I hate her mortally! + +But O Lovelace, thou liest!--She is all that is lovely. All that is +excellent! + +But is she, can she be gone!--Oh! how Miss Howe will triumph!--But if +that little fury receive her, fate shall make me rich amends; for then +will I contrive to have them both. + +I was looking back for connection--but the devil take connection; I have +no business with it: the contrary best befits distraction, and that will +soon be my lot! + +'Dorcas consulted the old wretch about obeying her: O yes, by all means; +for Mr. Lovelace knew how to come at her at any time: and directed a +bottle of sherry to be added. + +'This cheerful compliance so obliged her, that she was prevailed upon to +go up, and look at the damage done by the fire; and seemed not only +shocked by it, but, as they thought, satisfied it was no trick; as she +owned she had at first apprehended it to be. All this made them secure; +and they laughed in their sleeves, to think what a childish way of +showing her resentment she had found out; Sally throwing out her +witticisms, that Mrs. Lovelace was right, however, not to quarrel with +her bread and butter.' + +Now this very childishness, as they imagined it, in such a genius, would +have made me suspect either her head, after what had happened the night +before; or her purpose, when the marriage was (so far as she knew) to be +completed within the week in which she was resolved to secrete herself +from me in the same house. + +'She sent Will. with a letter to Wilson's, directed to Miss Howe, +ordering him to inquire if there were not one for her there. + +'He only pretended to go, and brought word there was none; and put her +letter in his pocket for me. + +'She then ordered him to carry another (which she gave him) to the Horn +Tavern to me.--All this done without any seeming hurry: yet she appeared +to be very solemn; and put her handkerchief frequently to her eyes. + +'Will. pretended to come to me with this letter. But thou the dog had +the sagacity to mistrust something on her sending him out a second time; +(and to me, whom she had refused to see;) which he thought extraordinary; +and mentioned his mistrusts to Sally, Polly, and Dorcas; yet they made +light of his suspicions; Dorcas assuring them all, that her lady seemed +more stupid with her grief, than active; and that she really believed she +was a little turned in her head, and knew not what she did. But all of +them depended upon her inexperience, her open temper, and upon her not +making the least motion towards going out, or to have a coach or chair +called, as sometimes she had done; and still more upon the preparations +she had made for a week's siege, as I may call it. + +'Will. went out, pretending to bring the letter to me; but quickly +returned; his heart still misgiving him, on recollecting my frequent +cautions, that he was not to judge for himself, when he had positive +orders; but if any doubt occurred, from circumstances I could not +foresee, literally to follow them, as the only way to avoid blame. + +'But it must have been in this little interval, that she escaped; for +soon after his return, they made fast the street-door and hatch, the +mother and the two nymphs taking a little turn into the garden; Dorcas +going up stairs, and Will. (to avoid being seen by his lady, or his voice +heard) down into the kitchen. + +'About half an hour after, Dorcas, who had planted herself where she +could see her lady's door open, had the curiosity to go look through the +keyhole, having a misgiving, as she said, that the lady might offer some +violence to herself, in the mood she had been in all day; and finding the +key in the door, which was not very usual, she tapped at it three or four +times, and having no answer, opened it, with Madam, Madam, did you call? +--Supposing her in her closet. + +'Having no answer, she stept forward, and was astonished to find she was +not there. She hastily ran into the dining-room, then into my +apartments; searched every closet; dreading all the time to behold some +sad catastrophe. + +'Not finding her any where, she ran down to the old creature, and her +nymphs, with a Have you seen my lady?--Then she's gone!--She's no where +above! + +'They were sure she could not be gone out. + +'The whole house was in an uproar in an instant; some running up-stairs, +some down, from the upper rooms to the lower; and all screaming, How +should they look me in the face! + +'Will. cried out, he was a dead man: he blamed them; they him; and every +one was an accuser, and an excuser, at the same time. + +'When they had searched the whole house, and every closet in it, ten +times over, to no purpose, they took it into their heads to send to all +the porters, chairmen, and hackney-coachmen, that had been near the house +for two hours past, to inquire if any of them saw such a young lady; +describing her. + +'This brought them some light: the only dawning for hope, that I can +have, and which keeps me from absolute despair. One of the chairmen gave +them this account: That he saw such a one come out of the house a little +before four (in a great hurry, and as if frighted) with a little parcel +tied up in a handkerchief, in her hand: that he took notice to his +fellow, who plied her without her answering, that she was a fine young +lady: that he'd warrant, she had either a husband, or very cross parents; +for that her eyes seemed swelled with crying. Upon which, a third fellow +replied, that it might be a doe escaped from mother Damnable's park. +This Mrs. Sinclair told me with a curse, and a wish that she had a better +reputation; so handsomely as she lived, and so justly as she paid every +body for what she bought; her house visited by the best and civilest of +gentlemen; and no noise or brawls ever heard or known in it. + +'From these appearances, the fellow who gave this information, had the +curiosity to follow her, unperceived. She often looked back. Every body +who passed her, turned to look after her; passing their verdict upon her +tears, her hurry, and her charming person; till coming to a stand of +coaches, a coachman plied her; was accepted; alighted; opened the +coach-door in a hurry, seeing her hurry; and in it she stumbled for +haste; and, as the fellow believed, hurt her shin with the stumble.' + +The devil take me, Belford, if my generous heart is not moved for her, +notwithstanding her wicked deceit, to think what must be her reflections +and apprehensions at the time:--A mind so delicate, heeding no censures; +yet, probably afraid of being laid hold of by a Lovelace in every one she +saw! At the same time, not knowing to what dangers she was about to +expose herself; nor of whom she could obtain shelter; a stranger to the +town, and to all its ways; the afternoon far gone: but little money; and +no clothes but those she had on! + +It is impossible, in this little interval since last night, that Miss +Howe's Townsend could be co-operating. + +But how she must abhor me to run all these risques; how heartily she must +detest me for my freedoms of last night! Oh! that I had given her +greater reason for a resentment so violent!--As to her virtue, I am too +much enraged to give her the merit due to that. To virtue it cannot be +owing that she should fly from the charming prospects that were before +her; but to malice, hatred, contempt, Harlowe pride, (the worst of +pride,) and to all the deadly passions that ever reigned in a female +breast--and if I can but recover her--But be still, be calm, be hushed, +my stormy passions; for is it not Clarissa [Harlowe must I say?] that +thus far I rave against? + +'The fellow heard her say, drive fast! very fast! Where, Madam? To +Holborn-bars, answered she; repeating, Drive very fast!--And up she +pulled both the windows: and he lost sight of the coach in a minute. + +'Will., as soon as he had this intelligence, speeded away in hopes to +trace her out; declaring, that he would never think of seeing me, till he +had heard some tidings of his lady.' + +And now, Belford, all my hope is, that this fellow (who attended us in +our airing to Hampstead, to Highgate, to Muswell-hill, to Kentish-town) +will hear of her at some one or other of those places. And on this I the +rather build, as I remember she was once, after our return, very +inquisitive about the stages, and their prices; praising the conveniency +to passengers in their going off every hour; and this in Will.'s hearing, +who was then in attendance. Woe be to the villain, if he recollect not +this! + + +*** + + +I have been traversing her room, meditating, or taking up every thing she +but touched or used: the glass she dressed at, I was ready to break, for +not giving me the personal image it was wont to reflect of her, whose +idea is for ever present with me. I call for her, now in the tenderest, +now in the most reproachful terms, as if within hearing: wanting her, I +want my own soul, at least every thing dear to it. What a void in my +heart! what a chilness in my blood, as if its circulation was arrested! +From her room to my own; in the dining-room, and in and out of every +place where I have seen the beloved of my heart, do I hurry; in none can +I tarry; her lovely image in every one, in some lively attitude, rushing +cruelly upon me, in differently remembered conversations. + +But when in my first fury, at my return, I went up two pairs of stairs, +resolved to find the locked-up Dorcas, and beheld the vainly-burnt +window-board, and recollected my baffled contrivances, baffled by my own +weak folly, I thought my distraction completed; and down I ran as one +frighted at a spectre, ready to howl for vexation; my head and my temples +shooting with a violence I had never felt before; and my back aching as +if the vertebrae were disjointed, and falling in pieces. + +But now that I have heard the mother's story, and contemplated the +dawning hopes given by the chairman's information, I am a good deal +easier, and can make cooler reflections. Most heartily pray I for +Will.'s success, every four or five minutes. If I lose her, all my rage +will return with redoubled fury. The disgrace to be thus outwitted by a +novice, an infant in stratagem and contrivance, added to the violence of +my passion for her, will either break my heart, or (what saves many a +heart, in evils insupportable) turn my brain. What had I to do to go out +a license-hunting, at least till I had seen her, and made up matters with +her? And indeed, were it not the privilege of a principal to lay all his +own faults upon his underlings, and never be to blame himself, I should +be apt to reflect, that I am more in fault than any body. And, as the +sting of this reflection will sharpen upon me, if I recover her not, how +shall I ever be able to bear it? + +If ever-- + + +[Here Mr. Lovelace lays himself under a curse, too shocking to be +repeated, if he revenge not himself upon the Lady, should he once more +get her into his hands.] + + +*** + + +I have just now dismissed the sniveling toad Dorcas, who was introduced +to me for my pardon by the whining mother. I gave her a kind of negative +and ungracious forgiveness. Yet I shall as violently curse the two +nymphs, by-and-by, for the consequences of my own folly: and if this will +be a good way too to prevent their ridicule upon me, for losing so +glorious an opportunity as I had last night, or rather this morning. + +I have corrected, from the result of the inquiries made of the chairman, +and from Dorcas's observations before the cruel creature escaped, a +description of her dress; and am resolved, if I cannot otherwise hear of +her, to advertise her in the gazette, as an eloped wife, both by her +maiden and acknowledged name; for her elopement will soon be known by +every enemy: why then should not my friends be made acquainted with it, +from whose inquiries and informations I may expect some tidings of her? + +'She had on a brown lustring night-gown, fresh, and looking like new, as +every thing she wears does, whether new or not, from an elegance natural +to her. A beaver hat, a black ribbon about her neck, and blue knots on +her breast. A quilted petticoat of carnation-coloured satin; a rose +diamond ring, supposed on her finger; and in her whole person and +appearance, as I shall express it, a dignity, as well as beauty, that +commands the repeated attention of every one who sees her.' + +The description of her person I shall take a little more pains about. My +mind must be more at ease, before I undertake that. And I shall +threaten, 'that if, after a certain period given for her voluntary +return, she be not heard of, I will prosecute any person who presumes to +entertain, harbour, abet, or encourage her, with all the vengeance that +an injured gentleman and husband may be warranted to take by law, or +otherwise.' + + +*** + + +Fresh cause of aggravation!--But for this scribbling vein, or I should +still run mad. + +Again going into her chamber, because it was her's, and sighing over the +bed, and every piece of furniture in it, I cast my eye towards the +drawers of the dressing-glass, and saw peep out, as it were, in one of +the half-drawn drawers, the corner of a letter. I snatched it out, and +found it superscribed, by her, To Mr. Lovelace. The sight of it made my +heart leap, and I trembled so, that I could hardly open the seal. + +How does this damn'd love unman me!--but nobody ever loved as I love!--It +is even increased by her unworthy flight, and my disappointment. +Ungrateful creature, to fly from a passion thus ardently flaming! which, +like the palm, rises the more for being depressed and slighted. + +I will not give thee a copy of this letter. I owe her not so much +service. + +But wouldst thou think, that this haughty promise-breaker could resolve +as she does, absolutely and for ever to renounce me for what passed last +night? That she could resolve to forego all her opening prospects of +reconciliation; the reconciliation with a worthless family, on which she +has set her whole heart?--Yet she does--she acquits me of all obligation +to her, and herself of all expectations from me--And for what?--O that +indeed I had given her real cause! Damn'd confounded niceness, prudery, +affectation, or pretty ignorance, if not affectation!--By my soul, +Belford, I told thee all--I was more indebted to her struggles, than to +my own forwardness. I cannot support my own reflections upon a decency +so ill-requited.--She could not, she would not have been so much a +Harlowe in her resentment. All she feared had then been over; and her +own good sense, and even modesty, would have taught her to make the best +of it. + +But if ever again I get her into my hands, art, and more art, and +compulsion too, if she make it necessary, [and 'tis plain that nothing +else will do,] shall she experience from the man whose fear of her has +been above even his passion for her; and whose gentleness and forbearance +she has thus perfidiously triumphed over. Well, says the Poet, + + 'Tis nobler like a lion to invade + When appetite directs, and seize my prey, + Than to wait tamely, like a begging dog, + Till dull consent throws out the scraps of love. + +Thou knowest what I have so lately vowed--and yet, at times [cruel +creature, and ungrateful as cruel!] I can subscribe with too much truth +to those lines of another Poet: + + She reigns more fully in my soul than ever; + She garrisons my breast, and mans against me + Ev'n my own rebel thoughts, with thousand graces, + Ten thousand charms, and new-discovered beauties! + + + +LETTER XX + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. + + +A letter is put into my hands by Wilson himself.--Such a letter! + +A letter from Miss Howe to her cruel friend!-- + +I made no scruple to open it. + +It is a miracle that I fell not into fits at the reading of it; and at +the thought of what might have been the consequence, had it come into the +hands of this Clarissa Harlowe. Let my justly-excited rage excuse my +irreverence. + +Collins, though not his day, brought it this afternoon to Wilson's, with +a particular desire that it might be sent with all speed to Miss +Beaumont's lodgings, and given, if possible, into her own hands. He had +before been here (at Mrs. Sinclair's with intent to deliver it to the +lady with his own hand; but was told [too truly told!] that she was +abroad; but that they would give her any thing he should leave for her +the moment she returned.) But he cared not to trust them with his +business, and went away to Wilson's, (as I find by the description of him +at both places,) and there left the letter; but not till he had a second +time called here, and found her not come in. + +The letter [which I shall enclose; for it is too long to transcribe] will +account to thee for Collins's coming hither. + +O this devilish Miss Howe;--something must be resolved upon and done with +that little fury! + + +*** + + +Thou wilt see the margin of this cursed letter crowded with indices +[>>>]. I put them to mark the places which call for vengeance upon the +vixen writer, or which require animadversion. Return thou it to me the +moment thou hast perused it. + +Read it here; and avoid trembling for me, if thou canst. + + +TO MISS LAETITIA BEAUMONT +WEDNESDAY, JUNE 7. + +MY DEAREST FRIEND, + + You will perhaps think that I have been too + long silent. But I had begun two letters at differ- + ent times since my last, and written a great deal +>>> each time; and with spirit enough, I assure you; + incensed as I was against the abominable wretch you + are with; particularly on reading your's of the 21st + of the past month.* + + +* See Vol. IV. Letter XLVI. + + +>>> The first I intended to keep open till I could + give you some account of my proceedings with Mrs. + Townsend. It was some days before I saw her: + and this intervenient space giving me time to re- + peruse what I had written, I thought it proper to lay +>>> that aside, and to write in a style a little less fervent; +>>> for you would have blamed me, I know, for the free- + dom of some of my expressions. [Execrations, if + you please.] And when I had gone a good way + in the second, the change in your prospects, on his + communicating to you Miss Montague's letter, and + his better behaviour, occasioning a change in your + mind, I laid that aside also. And in this uncer- + tainty, thought I would wait to see the issue of + affairs between you before I wrote again; believing + that all would soon be decided one way or other. + + I had still, perhaps, held this resolution, [as every + appearance, according to your letters, was more and + more promising,] had not the two passed days fur- + nished me with intelligence which it highly imports + you to know. + + But I must stop here, and take a little walk, to + try to keep down that just indignation which rises + to my pen, when I am about to relate to you what + I must communicate. + + + *** + + I am not my own mistress enough--then my + mother--always up and down--and watching as if + I were writing to a fellow. But I will try if I can + contain myself in tolerable bounds. + + The women of the house where you are--O my + dear, the women of the house--but you never + thought highly of them--so it cannot be very sur- +>>> prising--nor would you have staid so long with + them, had not the notion of removing to one of your + own, made you less uneasy, and less curious about + their characters, and behaviour. Yet I could now + wish, that you had been less reserved among them +>>> --But I tease you--In short, my dear, you are + certainly in a devilish house!--Be assured that the + woman is one of the vilest women--nor does + she go to you by her right name--[Very true!]-- + Her name is not Sinclair, nor is the street she lives + in Dover-street. Did you never go out by your- + self, and discharge the coach or chair, and return +>>> by another coach or chair? If you did, [yet I + don't remember that you ever wrote to me, that + you did,] you would never have found your way to + the vile house, either by the woman's name, Sin- + clair, or by the street's name, mentioned by that + Doleman in his letter about the lodgings.* + + +* Vol. III. Letters XXXVIII. and XXXIX. + + + The wretch might indeed have held out these + false lights a little more excusably, had the house + been an honest house; and had his end only been + to prevent mischief from your brother. But this + contrivance was antecedent, as I think, to your + brother's project; so that no excuse can be made +>>> for his intentions at the time--the man, whatever he + may now intend, was certainly then, even then, a + villain in his heart. + + + *** + + +>>> I am excessively concerned that I should be pre- + vailed upon, between your over-niceness, on one + hand, and my mother's positiveness, on the other, to + be satisfied without knowing how to direct to you + at your lodgings. I think too, that the proposal + that I should be put off to a third-hand knowledge, + or rather veiled in a first-hand ignorance, came from + him, and that it was only acquiesced in by you, as + it was by me,* upon needless and weak considera- + tions; because, truly, I might have it to say, if + challenged, that I knew not where to send to you! + I am ashamed of myself!--Had this been at first + excusable, it could not be a good reason for going + on in the folly, when you had no liking to the +>>> house, and when he began to play tricks, and delay + with you.--What! I was to mistrust myself, was + I? I was to allow it to be thought, that I could +>>> not keep my own secret?--But the house to be +>>> taken at this time, and at that time, led us both on +>>> --like fools, like tame fools, in a string. Upon my + life, my dear, this man is a vile, a contemptible + villain--I must speak out!--How has he laughed + in his sleeve at us both, I warrant, for I can't tell + how long! + + +* See Vol. III. Letter LVI. par. 12. and Letter LVIII. par. 12.--Where +the reader will observe, that the proposal came from herself; which, as +it was also mentioned by Mr. Lovelace, (towards the end of Letter I. in +Vol. IV.) she may be presumed to have forgotten. So that Clarissa had a +double inducement for acquiescing with the proposed method of carrying on +the correspondence between Miss Howe and herself by Wilson's conveyance, +and by the name of Laetitia Beaumont. + + + And yet who could have thought that a man of +>>> fortune, and some reputation, [this Doleman, I + mean--not your wretch, to be sure!] formerly a + rake, indeed, [I inquired after him long ago; and + so was the easier satisfied;] but married to a + woman of family--having had a palsy-blow--and, +>>> one would think, a penitent, should recommend + such a house [why, my dear, he could not inquire + of it, but must find it to be bad] to such a man as + Lovelace, to bring his future, nay, his then supposed, + bride to? + + + *** + + +>>> I write, perhaps, with too much violence, to be + clear, but I cannot help it. Yet I lay down my + pen, and take it up every ten minutes, in order to + write with some temper--my mother too, in and + out--What need I, (she asks me,) lock myself in, + if I am only reading past correspondencies? For +>>> that is my pretence, when she comes poking in with + her face sharpened to an edge, as I may say, by a + curiosity that gives her more pain than pleasure.-- +>>> The Lord forgive me; but I believe I shall huff + her next time she comes in. + + + *** + + + Do you forgive me too, my dear--my mother + ought; because she says, I am my father's girl; and + because I am sure I am her's. I don't kow what + to do--I don't know what to write next--I have + so much to write, yet have so little patience, and so + little opportunity. + + But I will tell you how I came by my intelli- +>>> gence. That being a fact, and requiring the less + attention, I will try to account to you for that. + + Thus, then, it came about: 'Miss Lardner + (whom you have seen at her cousin Biddulph's) + saw you at St. James's Church on Sunday was fort- + night. She kept you in her eye during the whole + time; but could not once obtain the notice of your's, + though she courtesied to you twice. She thought to + pay her compliments to you when the service was + over, for she doubted not but you were married-- +>>> and for an odd reason--because you came to church + by yourself. Every eye, (as usual, wherever you + are, she said,) was upon you; and this seeming to + give you hurry, and you being nearer the door than + she, you slid out, before she could get to you.--But + she ordered her servant to follow you till you were + housed. This servant saw you step into a chair, + which waited for you; and you ordered the men to + carry you to the place where they took you up. + + 'The next day, Miss Lardner sent the same + servant, out of mere curiosity, to make private in- + quiry whether Mr. Lovelace were, or were not, + with you there.--And this inquiry brought out, +>>> from different people, that the house was suspected + to be one of those genteel wicked houses, which + receive and accommodate fashionable people of both + sexes. + + 'Miss Lardner, confounded at this strange intel- + ligence, made further inquiry; enjoining secrecy + to the servant she had sent, as well as to the gentle- +>>> man whom she employed; who had it confirmed + from a rakish friend, who knew the house; and + told him, that there were two houses: the one in + which all decent appearances were preserved, and guests + rarely admitted; the other, the receptacle of those + who were absolutely engaged, and broken to the + vile yoke.' + +>>> Say--my dear creature--say--Shall I not exe- + crate the wretch?--But words are weak--What + can I say, that will suitably express my abhorrence + of such a villain as he must have been, when he + meditated to carry a Clarissa to such a place! + + 'Miss Lardner kept this to herself some days, + not knowing what to do; for she loves you, and + admires you of all women. At last she revealed it, + but in confidence, to Miss Biddulph, by letter. + Miss Biddulph, in like confidence, being afraid it + would distract me, were I to know it, communi- + cated it to Miss Lloyd; and so, like a whispered + scandal, it passed through several canals, and then + it came to me; which was not till last Monday.' + + I thought I should have fainted upon the surpris- + ing communication. But rage taking place, it blew + away the sudden illness. I besought Miss Lloyd + to re-enjoin secrecy to every one. I told her that +>>> I would not for the world that my mother, or any + of your family, should know it. And I instantly + caused a trusty friend to make what inquiries he + could about Tomlinson. + +>>> I had thoughts to have done it before I had this + intelligence: but not imagining it to be needful, and + little thinking that you could be in such a house, and + as you were pleased with your changed prospects, I +>>> forbore. And the rather forbore, as the matter is + so laid, that Mrs. Hodges is supposed to know + nothing of the projected treaty of accommodation; + but, on the contrary, that it was designed to be a + secret to her, and to every body but immediate + parties; and it was Mrs. Hodges that I had pro- + posed to sound by a second hand. + +>>> Now, my dear, it is certain, without applying to + that too-much-favoured housekeeper, that there is + not such a man within ten miles of your uncle.-- + Very true!--One Tomkins there is, about four miles + off; but he is a day-labourer: and one Thompson, + about five miles distant the other way; but he is a + parish schoolmaster, poor, and about seventy. + +>>> A man, thought but of £.800 a year, cannot come + from one country to settle in another, but every + body in both must know it, and talk of it. + +>>> Mrs. Hodges may yet be sounded at a distance, + if you will. Your uncle is an old man. Old men + imagine themselves under obligation to their para- +>>> mours, if younger than themselves, and seldom + keep any thing from their knowledge. But if we + suppose him to make secret of this designed treaty, + it is impossible, before that treaty was thought of, + but she must have seen him, at least have heard + your uncle speak praisefully of a man he is said to + be so intimate with, let him have been ever so little + a while in those parts. + +>>> Yet, methinks, the story is so plausible--Tom- + linson, as you describe him, is so good a man, and + so much of a gentleman; the end to be answered +>>> by his being an impostor, so much more than neces- + sary if Lovelace has villany in his head; and as +>>> you are in such a house--your wretch's behaviour + to him was so petulant and lordly; and Tomlin- + son's answer so full of spirit and circumstance; +>>> and then what he communicated to you of Mr. + Hickman's application to your uncle, and of Mrs. + Norton's to your mother, [some of which particu- +>>> lars, I am satisfied, his vile agent, Joseph Leman, + could not reveal to his vile employer;] his press- + ing on the marriage-day, in the name of your + uncle, which it could not answer any wicked pur- +>>> pose for him to do; and what he writes of your + uncle's proposal, to have it thought that you were + married from the time that you have lived in one + house together; and that to be made to agree with + the time of Mr. Hickman's visit to your uncle. +>>> The insisting on a trusty person's being present at + the ceremony, at that uncle's nomination--These + things make me willing to try for a tolerable construc- + tion to be made of all. Though I am so much + puzzled by what occurs on both sides of the ques- +>>> tion, that I cannot but abhor the devilish wretch, + whose inventions and contrivances are for ever em- + ploying an inquisitive head, as mine is, without + affording the means of absolute detection. + + But this is what I am ready to conjecture, that + Tomlinson, specious as he is, is a machine of Love- +>>> lace; and that he is employed for some end, which + has not yet been answered. This is certain, that + not only Tomlinson, but Mennell, who, I think, + attended you more than once at this vile house, + must know it to be a vile house. + + What can you then think of Tomlinson's declar- + ing himself in favour of it upon inquiry? + + Lovelace too must know it to be so; if not + before he brought you to it, soon after. + +>>> Perhaps the company he found there, may be the + most probable way of accounting for his bearing + with the house, and for his strange suspensions of + marriage, when it was in his power to call such an + angel of a woman his.-- + +>>> O my dear, the man is a villain!--the greatest + of villains, in every light!--I am convinced that he + is.--And this Doleman must be another of his + implements! + +>>> There are so many wretches who think that to + be no sin, which is one of the greatest and most + ungrateful of all sins,--to ruin young creatures of + our sex who place their confidence in them; that + the wonder is less than the shame, that people, of + appearance at least, are found to promote the horrid + purposes of profligates of fortune and interest! + +>>> But can I think [you will ask with indignant + astonishment] that Lovelace can have designs upon + your honour? + +>>> That such designs he has had, if he still hold + them or not, I can have no doubt, now that I know + the house he has brought you to, to be a vile one. + This is a clue that has led me to account for all his + behaviour to you ever since you have been in his + hands. + + Allow me a brief retrospection of it all. + + We both know, that pride, revenge, and a delight + to tread in unbeaten paths, are principal ingredients + in the character of this finished libertine. + +>>> He hates all your family--yourself excepted: + and I have several times thought, that I have seen +>>> him stung and mortified that love has obliged him + to kneel at your footstool, because you are a Har- + lowe. Yet is this wretch a savage in love.--Love +>>> that humanizes the fiercest spirits, has not been able + to subdue his. His pride, and the credit which a +>>> few plausible qualities, sprinkled among his odious + ones, have given him, have secured him too good + a reception from our eye-judging, our undistinguish- + ing, our self-flattering, our too-confiding sex, to + make assiduity and obsequiousness, and a conquest + of his unruly passions, any part of his study. + +>>> He has some reason for his animosity to all the + men, and to one woman of your family. He has + always shown you, and his own family too, that he +>>> prefers his pride to his interest. He is a declared + marriage-hater; a notorious intriguer; full of his + inventions, and glorying in them: he never could + draw you into declarations of love; nor till your +>>> wise relations persecuted you as they did, to receive + his addresses as a lover. He knew that you pro- + fessedly disliked him for his immoralities; he could + not, therefore, justly blame you for the coldness + and indifference of your behaviour to him. + +>>> The prevention of mischief was your first main + view in the correspondence he drew you into. He + ought not, then, to have wondered that you declared + your preference of the single life to any matrimonial + engagement. He knew that this was always your +>>> preference; and that before he tricked you away + so artfully. What was his conduct to you + afterwards, that you should of a sudden change + it? + + Thus was your whole behaviour regular, con- + sistent, and dutiful to those to whom by birth you + owed duty; and neither prudish, coquettish, nor + tyrannical to him. + +>>> He had agreed to go on with you upon those + your own terms, and to rely only on his own merits + and future reformation for your favour. + +>>> It was plain to me, indeed, to whom you com- + municated all that you knew of your own heart, + though not all of it that I found out, that love had + pretty early gained footing in it. And this you + yourself would have discovered sooner than you +>>> did, had not his alarming, his unpolite, his rough + conduct, kept it under. + +>>> I knew by experience that love is a fire that is + not to be played with without burning one's fingers: + I knew it to be a dangerous thing for two single + persons of different sexes to enter into familiarity + and correspondence with each other: Since, as to + the latter, must not a person be capable of premedi- + tated art, who can sit down to write, and not write + from the heart?--And a woman to write her heart + to a man practised in deceit, or even to a man of + some character, what advantage does it give him + over her? + +>>> As this man's vanity had made him imagine, that + no woman could be proof against love, when his + address was honourable; no wonder that he + struggled, like a lion held in toils, against a passion + that he thought not returned. And how could + you, at first, show a return in love, to so fierce + a spirit, and who had seduced you away by vile + artifices, but to the approval of those artifices. + +>>> Hence, perhaps, it is not difficult to believe, that + it became possible for such a wretch as this to give + way to his old prejudices against marriage; and to + that revenge which had always been a first passion + with him. + + This is the only way, I think, to account for his + horrid views in bringing you to a vile house. + + And now may not all the rest be naturally + accounted for?--His delays--his teasing ways-- + his bringing you to bear with his lodging in the + same house--his making you pass to the people of +>>> it as his wife, though restrictively so, yet with hope, + no doubt, (vilest of villains as he is!) to take you +>>> at an advantage--his bringing you into the com- + pany of his libertine companions--the attempt of + imposing upon you that Miss Partington for a + bedfellow, very probably his own invention for + the worst of purposes--his terrifying you at many + different times--his obtruding himself upon you + when you went out to church; no doubt to prevent + your finding out what the people of the house were + --the advantages he made of your brother's foolish + project with Singleton. + + See, my dear, how naturally all this follows from +>>> the discovery made by Miss Lardner. See how + the monster, whom I thought, and so often called, +>>> a fool, comes out to have been all the time one of + the greatest villains in the world! + + But if this is so, what, [it would be asked by + an indifferent person,] has hitherto saved you? + Glorious creature!--What, morally speaking, but + your watchfulness! What but that, and the + majesty of your virtue; the native dignity, which, + in a situation so very difficult, (friendless, destitute, + passing for a wife, cast into the company of crea- + tures accustomed to betray and ruin innocent hearts,) + has hitherto enabled you to baffle, over-awe, and + confound, such a dangerous libertine as this; so + habitually remorseless, as you have observed him + to be; so very various in his temper, so inventive, + so seconded, so supported, so instigated, too pro- + bably, as he has been!--That native dignity, that + heroism, I will call it, which has, on all proper + occasions, exerted itself in its full lustre, unmingled +>>> with that charming obligingness and condescending + sweetness, which is evermore the softener of that + dignity, when your mind is free and unapprehen- + sive! + +>>> Let me stop to admire, and to bless my beloved + friend, who, unhappily for herself, at an age so + tender, unacquainted as she was with the world, and + with the vile arts of libertines, having been called + upon to sustain the hardest and most shocking trials, + from persecuting relations on one hand, and from + a villanous lover on the other, has been enabled to + give such an illustrious example of fortitude and + prudence as never woman gave before her; and + who, as I have heretofore observed,* has made a + far greater figure in adversity, than she possibly + could have made, had all her shining qualities been + exerted in their full force and power, by the con- +>>> tinuance of that prosperous run of fortune which + attended her for eighteen years of life out of + nineteen. + + +* See Vol. IV. Letters XXIV. + + + *** + + +>>> But now, my dear, do I apprehend, that you + are in greater danger than ever yet you have been + in; if you are not married in a week; and yet stay + in this abominable house. For were you out of it, + I own I should not be much afraid for you. + + These are my thoughts, on the most deliberate +>>> consideration: 'That he is now convinced, that + he has not been able to draw you off your guard: + that therefore, if he can obtain no new advantage + over you as he goes along, he is resolved to do you + all the poor justice that it is in the power of such a + wretch as he to do you. He is the rather induced to + this, as he sees that all his own family have warmly + engaged themselves in your cause: and that it is +>>> his highest interest to be just to you. Then the + horrid wretch loves you (as well he may) above all + women. I have no doubt of this: with such a love +>>> as such a wretch is capable of: with such a love as + Herod loved his Marianne. He is now therefore, + very probably, at last, in earnest.' + + I took time for inquiries of different natures, as + I knew, by the train you are in, that whatever his + designs are, they cannot ripen either for good or +>>> evil till something shall result from this device + of his about Tomlinson and your uncle. + + Device I have no doubt that it is, whatever this + dark, this impenetrable spirit intends by it. + +>>> And yet I find it to be true, that Counsellor + Williams (whom Mr. Hickman knows to be a man + of eminence in his profession) has actually as good +>>> as finished the settlements: that two draughts of + them have been made; one avowedly to be sent to + one Captain Tomlinson, as the clerk says:--and I + find that a license has actually been more than once + endeavoured to be obtained; and that difficulties + have hitherto been made, equally to Lovelace's +>>> vexation and disappointment. My mother's proctor, + who is very intimate with the proctor applied to + by the wretch, has come at this information in + confidence; and hints, that, as Mr. Lovelace is a + man of high fortunes, these difficulties will probably + be got over. + + But here follow the causes of my apprehension of + your danger; which I should not have had a thought +>>> of (since nothing very vile has yet been attempted) + but on finding what a house you are in, and, on that + discovery, laying together and ruminating on past + occurrences. + + 'You are obliged, from the present favourable +>>> appearances, to give him your company whenever + he requests it.--You are under a necessity of for- + getting, or seeming to forget, past disobligations; + and to receive his addresses as those of a betrothed + lover.--You will incur the censure of prudery and + affectation, even perhaps in your own apprehension, + if you keep him at that distance which has hitherto +>>> been your security.--His sudden (and as suddenly + recovered) illness has given him an opportunity to + find out that you love him. [Alas! my dear, I + knew you loved him!] He is, as you relate, every +>>> hour more and more an encroacher upon it. He + has seemed to change his nature, and is all love and +>>> gentleness. The wolf has put on the sheep's cloth- + ing; yet more than once has shown his teeth, and + his hardly-sheathed claws. The instance you have + given of his freedom with your person,* which you + could not but resent; and yet, as matters are + circumstanced between you, could not but pass + over, when Tomlinson's letter called you into his +>>> company,** show the advantage he has now over + you; and also, that if he can obtain greater, he + will.--And for this very reason (as I apprehend) it +>>> is, that Tomlinson is introduced; that is to say, to + give you the greater security, and to be a mediator, + if mortal offence be given you by any villanous + attempt.--The day seems not now to be so much + in your power as it ought to be, since that now + partly depends on your uncle, whose presence, at + your own motion, he has wished on the occasion. + A wish, were all real, very unlikely, I think, to be + granted.' + + +* She means the freedom Mr. Lovelace took with her before the fire-plot. +See Vol. V. Letter XI. When Miss Howe wrote this letter she could not +know of that. +** See Vol. V. Letter XII. + + +>>> And thus situated, should he offer greater free- + doms, must you not forgive him? + + I fear nothing (as I know who has said) that + devil carnate or incarnate can fairly do against a +>>> virtue so established.*--But surprizes, my dear, in + such a house as you are in, and in such circum- + stances as I have mentioned, I greatly fear! the +>>> man one who has already triumphed over persons + worthy of his alliance. + +>>> What then have you to do, but to fly this house, + this infernal house!--O that your heart would let + you fly the man! + +>>> If you should be disposed so to do, Mrs. Towns- + end shall be ready at your command.--But if you + meet with no impediments, no new causes of doubt, + I think your reputation in the eye of the world, +>>> though not your happiness, is concerned, that you + should be his--and yet I cannot bear that these + libertines should be rewarded for their villany with + the best of the sex, when the worst of it are too + good for them. + + But if you meet with the least ground for + suspicion; if he would detain you at the odious + house, or wish you to stay, now you know what +>>> the people are; fly him, whatever your prospects + are, as well as them. + + In one of your next airings, if you have no other +>>> way, refuse to return with him. Name me for your + intelligencer, that you are in a bad house, and if you + think you cannot now break with him, seem rather +>>> to believe that he may not know it to be so; and + that I do not believe he does: and yet this belief + in us both must appear to be very gross. + + But suppose you desire to go out of town for the + air, this sultry weather, and insist upon it? You + may plead your health for so doing. He dare not +>>> resist such a plea. Your brother's foolish scheme, + I am told, is certainly given up; so you need not + be afraid on that account. + + If you do not fly the house upon reading of this, + or some way or other get out of it, I shall judge of + his power over you, by the little you will have over + either him or yourself. + +>>> One of my informers has made such slight inquiries + concerning Mrs. Fretchville. Did he ever name + to you the street or square she lived in?--I don't +>>> remember that you, in any of your's, mentioned the + place of her abode to me. Strange, very strange, + this, I think! No such person or house can be + found, near any of the new streets or squares, where + the lights I had from your letters led me to imagine +>>> her house might be.--Ask him what street the + house is in, if he has not told you; and let me +>>> know. If he make a difficulty of that circumstance, + it will amount to a detection.--And yet, I think, + you will have enough without this. + + I shall send this long letter by Collins, who + changes his day to oblige me; and that he may try + (now I know where you are) to get it into your + own hands. If he cannot, he will leave it at + Wilson's. As none of our letters by that convey- + ance have miscarried when you have been in more + apparently disagreeable situations than you are in at + present. I hope that this will go safe, if Collins + should be obliged to leave it there. + +>>> I wrote a short letter to you in my first agitations. + It contained not above twenty lines, all full of fright, + alarm, and execration. But being afraid that my + vehemence would too much affect you, I thought it + better to wait a little, as well for the reasons already + hinted at, as to be able to give you as many par- + ticulars as I could, and my thoughts upon all. And + as they have offered, or may offer, you will be + sufficiently armed to resist all his machinations, be + what they will. + +>>> One word more. Command me up, if I can be + of the least service or pleasure to you. I value + not fame; I value not censure; nor even life itself, + I verily think, as I do your honour, and your friend- + ship--For, is not your honour my honour? And + is not your friendship the pride of my life? + + May Heaven preserve you, my dearest creature, + in honour and safety, is the prayer, the hourly + prayer, of + +Your ever-faithful and affectionate +ANNA HOWE. + +THURSDAY MORN. 5. I have + written all night + + +*** + + +TO MISS HOWE + +MY DEAREST CREATURE, + +How you have shocked, confounded, surprised, astonished me, by your +dreadful communication!--My heart is too weak to bear up against such a +stroke as this!--When all hope was with me! When my prospects were so +much mended!--But can there be such villany in men, as in this vile +principal, and equally vile agent! + +I am really ill--very ill--grief and surprise, and, now I will say, +despair, have overcome me!--All, all, you have laid down as conjecture, +appears to me now to be more than conjecture! + +O that your mother would have the goodness to permit me the presence of +the only comforter that my afflicted, my half-broken heart, could be +raised by. But I charge you, think not of coming up without her +indulgent permission. I am too ill at present, my dear, to think of +combating with this dreadful man; and of flying from this horrid house!-- +My bad writing will show you this.--But my illness will be my present +security, should he indeed have meditated villany.--Forgive, O forgive +me, my dearest friend, the trouble I have given you!--All must soon--But +why add I grief to grief, and trouble to trouble?--But I charge you, my +beloved creature, not to think of coming up without your mother's love, +to the truly desolate and broken-spirited + +CLARISSA HARLOWE. + + +*** + + +Well, Jack!--And what thinkest thou of this last letter? Miss Howe +values not either fame or censure; and thinkest thou, that this letter +will not bring the little fury up, though she could procure no other +conveyance than her higgler's panniers, one for herself, the other for +her maid? She knows whither to come now. Many a little villain have I +punished for knowing more than I would have her know, and that by adding +to her knowledge and experience. What thinkest thou, Belford, if, by +getting hither this virago, and giving cause for a lamentable letter from +her to the fair fugitive, I should be able to recover her? Would she not +visit that friend in her distress, thinkest thou, whose intended visit to +her in her's brought her into the condition from which she herself had so +perfidiously escaped? + +Let me enjoy the thought! + +Shall I send this letter?--Thou seest I have left room, if I fail in the +exact imitation of so charming a hand, to avoid too strict a scrutiny. +Do they not both deserve it of me? Seest thou now how the raving girl +threatens her mother? Ought she not to be punished? And can I be a +worse devil, or villain, or monster, that she calls me in the long letter +I enclose (and has called me in her former letters) were I to punish them +both as my vengeance urges me to punish them? And when I have executed +that my vengeance, how charmingly satisfied may they both go down into +the country and keep house together, and have a much better reason than +their pride could give them, for living the single life they have both +seemed so fond of! + +I will set about transcribing it this moment, I think. I can resolve +afterwards. Yet what has poor Hickman done to deserve this of me!--But +gloriously would it punish the mother (as well as daughter) for all her +sordid avarice; and for her undutifulness to honest Mr. Howe, whose heart +she actually broke. I am on tiptoe, Jack, to enter upon this project. +Is not one country as good to me as another, if I should be obliged to +take another tour upon it? + + +*** + + +But I will not venture. Hickman is a good man, they tell me. I love a +good man. I hope one of these days to be a good man myself. Besides, I +have heard within this week something of this honest fellow that shows he +has a soul; when I thought, if he had one, that it lay a little of the +deepest to emerge to notice, except on very extraordinary occasions; and +that then it presently sunk again into its cellula adiposa.--The man is a +plump man.--Didst ever see him, Jack? + +But the principal reason that withholds me [for 'tis a tempting project!] +is, for fear of being utterly blown up, if I should not be quick enough +with my letter, or if Miss Howe should deliberate on setting out, to try +her mother's consent first; in which time a letter from my frighted +beauty might reach her; for I have no doubt, wherever she has refuged, +but her first work was to write to her vixen friend. I will therefore go +on patiently; and take my revenge upon the little fury at my leisure. + +But in spite of my compassion for Hickman, whose better character is +sometimes my envy, and who is one of those mortals that bring clumsiness +into credit with the mothers, to the disgrace of us clever fellows, and +often to our disappointment, with the daughters; and who has been very +busy in assisting these double-armed beauties against me; I swear by all +the dii majores, as well as minores, that I will have Miss Howe, if I +cannot have her more exalted friend! And then, if there be as much +flaming love between these girls as they pretend, will my charmer profit +by her escape? + +And now, that I shall permit Miss Howe to reign a little longer, let me +ask thee, if thou hast not, in the enclosed letter, a fresh instance, +that a great many of my difficulties with her sister-toast are owing to +this flighty girl?--'Tis true that here was naturally a confounded sharp +winter air; and if a little cold water was thrown into the path, no +wonder that it was instantly frozen; and that the poor honest traveller +found it next to impossible to keep his way; one foot sliding back as +fast as the other advanced, to the endangering of his limbs or neck. But +yet I think it impossible that she should have baffled me as she has done +(novice as she is, and never before from under her parents' wings) had +she not been armed by a virago, who was formerly very near showing that +she could better advise than practise. But this, I believe, I have said +more than once before. + +I am loth to reproach myself, now the cruel creature has escaped me; For +what would that do, but add to my torment? since evils self-caused, and +avoidable, admit not of palliation or comfort. And yet, if thou tellest +me, that all her strength was owing to my weakness, and that I have been +a cursed coward in this whole affair; why, then, Jack, I may blush, and +be vexed; but, by my soul, I cannot contradict thee. + +But this, Belford, I hope--that if I can turn the poison of the enclosed +letter into wholesome ailment; that is to say, if I can make use of it to +my advantage; I shall have thy free consent to do it. + +I am always careful to open covers cautiously, and to preserve seals +entire. I will draw out from this cursed letter an alphabet. Nor was +Nick Rowe ever half so diligent to learn Spanish, at the Quixote +recommendation of a certain peer, as I will be to gain the mastery of +this vixen's hand. + + + +LETTER XXI + +MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE +THURSDAY EVENING, JUNE 8. + + +After my last, so full of other hopes, the contents of this will surprise +you. O my dearest friend, the man has at last proved himself to be a +villain! + +It was with the utmost difficulty last night, that I preserved myself from +the vilest dishonour. He extorted from me a promise of forgiveness, +and that I would see him next day, as if nothing had happened: but if it +were possible to escape from a wretch, who, as I have too much reason to +believe, formed a plot to fire the house, to frighten me, almost naked, +into his arms, how could I see him next day? + +I have escaped--Heaven be praised that I have!--And now have no other +concern, than that I fly from the only hope that could have made such a +husband tolerable to me; the reconciliation with my friends, so agreeably +undertaken by my uncle. + +All my present hope is, to find some reputable family, or person of my +own sex, who is obliged to go beyond sea, or who lives abroad; I care not +whether; but if I might choose, in some one of our American colonies-- +never to be heard of more by my relations, whom I have so grievously +offended. + +Nor let your generous heart be moved at what I write. If I can escape +the dreadfullest part of my father's malediction, (for the temporary part +is already, in a manner, fulfilled, which makes me tremble in +apprehension of the other,) I shall think the wreck of my worldly +fortunes a happy composition. + +Neither is there need of the renewal of your so-often-tendered goodness +to me: for I have with me rings and other valuables, that were sent me +with my clothes, which will turn into money to answer all I can want, +till Providence shall be pleased to put me into some want to help myself, +if, for my further punishment, my life is to be lengthened beyond my +wishes. + +Impute not this scheme, my beloved friend, either to dejection on one +hand, or to that romantic turn on the other, which we have supposed +generally to obtain with our sex, from fifteen to twenty-two: for, be +pleased to consider my unhappy situation, in the light in which it really +must appear to every considerate person who knows it. In the first +place, the man, who has endeavoured to make me, his property, will hunt +me as a stray: and he knows he may do so with impunity; for whom have I +to protect me from him? + +Then as to my estate, the envied estate, which has been the original +cause of all my misfortunes, it shall never be mine upon litigated terms. +What is there in being enabled to boast, that I am worth more than I can +use, or wish to use? And if my power is circumscribed, I shall not have +that to answer for, which I should have, if I did not use it as I ought: +which very few do. I shall have no husband, of whose interest I ought to +be so regardful, as to prevent me doing more than justice to others, that +I may not do less for him. If therefore my father will be pleased (as I +shall presume, in proper time, to propose to him) to pay two annuities +out of it, one to my dear Mrs. Norton, which may make her easy for the +remainder of her life, as she is now growing into years; the other of +50£. per annum, to the same good woman, for the use of my poor, as I had +the vanity to call a certain set of people, concerning whom she knows all +my mind; that so as few as possible may suffer by the consequences of my +error; God bless them, and give them heart's ease and content, with the +rest! + +Other reasons for my taking the step I have hinted at, are these. + +This wicked man knows I have no friend in the world but you: your +neighbourhood therefore would be the first he would seek for me in, were +you to think it possible for me to be concealed in it: and in this case +you might be subjected to inconveniencies greater even than those which +you have already sustained on my account. + +From my cousin Morden, were he to come, I could not hope protection; +since, by his letter to me, it is evident, that my brother has engaged him +in his party: nor would I, by any means, subject so worthy a man to +danger; as might be the case, from the violence of this ungovernable +spirit. + +These things considered, what better method can I take, than to go abroad +to some one of the English colonies; where nobody but yourself shall know +any thing of me; nor you, let me tell you, presently, nor till I am +fixed, and (if it please God) in a course of living tolerably to my mind? +For it is no small part of my concern, that my indiscretions have laid so +heavy a tax upon you, my dear friend, to whom, once, I hoped to give more +pleasure than pain. + +I am at present at one Mrs. Moore's at Hampstead. My heart misgave me at +coming to this village, because I had been here with him more than once: +but the coach hither was so ready a conveniency, that I knew not what to +do better. Then I shall stay here no longer than till I can receive your +answer to this: in which you will be pleased to let me know, if I cannot +be hid, according to your former contrivance, [happy, had I given into it +at the time!] by Mrs. Townsend's assistance, till the heat of his search +be over. The Deptford road, I imagine, will be the right direction to +hear of a passage, and to get safely aboard. + +O why was the great fiend of all unchained, and permitted to assume so +specious a form, and yet allowed to conceal his feet and his talons, till +with the one he was ready to trample upon my honour, and to strike the +other into my heart!--And what had I done, that he should be let loose +particularly upon me! + +Forgive me this murmuring question, the effect of my impatience, my +guilty impatience, I doubt: for, as I have escaped with my honour, and +nothing but my worldly prospects, and my pride, my ambition, and my +vanity, have suffered in this wretch of my hopefuller fortunes, may I not +still be more happy than I deserve to be? And is it not in my own power +still, by the Divine favour, to secure the greatest stake of all? And +who knows but that this very path into which my inconsideration has +thrown me, strewed as it is with briers and thorns, which tear in pieces +my gaudier trappings, may not be the right path to lead me into the great +road to my future happiness; which might have been endangered by evil +communication? + +And after all, are there not still more deserving persons than I, who +never failed in any capital point of duty, than have been more humbled +than myself; and some too, by the errors of parents and relations, by the +tricks and baseness of guardians and trustees, and in which their own +rashness or folly had no part? + +I will then endeavour to make the best of my present lot. And join with +me, my best, my only friend, in praying, that my punishment may end here; +and that my present afflictions may be sanctified to me. + +This letter will enable you to account for a line or two, which I sent to +Wilson's, to be carried to you, only for a feint, to get his servant out +of the way. He seemed to be left, as I thought, for a spy upon me. But +he returning too soon, I was forced to write a few lines for him to carry +to his master, to a tavern near Doctors Commons, with the same view: and +this happily answered my end. + +I wrote early in the morning a bitter letter to the wretch, which I left +for him obvious enough; and I suppose he has it by this time. I kept no +copy of it. I shall recollect the contents, and give you the particulars +of all, at more leisure. + +I am sure you will approve of my escape--the rather, as the people of the +house must be very vile: for they, and that Dorcas too, did hear me (I +know they did) cry out for help: if the fire had been other than a +villanous plot (although in the morning, to blind them, I pretended to +think it otherwise) they would have been alarmed as much as I; and have +run in, hearing me scream, to comfort me, supposing my terror was the +fire; to relieve me, supposing it was any thing else. But the vile +Dorcas went away as soon as she saw the wretch throw his arms about me!-- +Bless me, my dear, I had only my slippers and an under-petticoat on. I +was frighted out of my bed, by her cries of fire; and that I should be +burnt to ashes in a moment--and she to go away, and never to return, nor +any body else! And yet I heard women's voices in the next room; indeed +I did--an evident contrivance of them all:--God be praised, I am out of +their house! + +My terror is not yet over: I can hardly think myself safe: every well- +dressed man I see from my windows, whether on horseback or on foot, I +think to be him. + +I know you will expedite an answer. A man and horse will be procured me +to-morrow early, to carry this. To be sure, you cannot return an answer +by the same man, because you must see Mrs. Townsend first: nevertheless, +I shall wait with impatience till you can; having no friend but you to +apply to; and being such a stranger to this part of the world, that I +know not which way to turn myself; whither to go; nor what to do--What a +dreadful hand have I made of it! + +Mrs. Moore, at whose house I am, is a widow, and of good character: and +of this one of her neighbours, of whom I bought a handkerchief, purposely +to make inquiry before I would venture, informed me. + +I will not set my foot out of doors, till I have your direction: and I am +the more secure, having dropt words to the people of the house where the +coach set me down, as if I expected a chariot to meet me in my way to +Hendon; a village a little distance from this. And when I left their +house, I walked backward and forward upon the hill; at first, not knowing +what to do; and afterwards, to be certain that I was not watched before I +ventured to inquire after a lodging. + +You will direct for me, my dear, by the name of Mrs. Harriot Lucas. + +Had I not made my escape when I did, I was resolved to attempt it again +and again. He was gone to the Commons for a license, as he wrote me +word; for I refused to see him, notwithstanding the promise he extorted +from me. + +How hard, how next to impossible, my dear, to avoid many lesser +deviations, when we are betrayed into a capital one! + +For fear I should not get away at my first effort, I had apprized him, +that I would not set eye upon him under a week, in order to gain myself +time for it in different ways. And were I so to have been watched as to +have made it necessary, I would, after such an instance of the connivance +of the women of the house, have run out into the street, and thrown +myself into the next house I could have entered, or claim protection from +the first person I had met--Women to desert the cause of a poor creature +of their own sex, in such a situation, what must they be!--Then, such +poor guilty sort of figures did they make in the morning after he was +gone out--so earnest to get me up stairs, and to convince me, by the +scorched window-boards, and burnt curtains and vallens, that the fire was +real--that (although I seemed to believe all they would have me believe) +I was more and more resolved to get out of their house at all adventures. + +When I began, I thought to write but a few lines. But, be my subject +what it will, I know not how to conclude when I write to you. It was +always so: it is not therefore owing peculiarly to that most interesting +and unhappy situation, which you will allow, however, to engross at +present the whole mind of + +Your unhappy, but ever-affectionate +CLARISSA HARLOWE. + + +LETTER XXII + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +FRIDAY MORNING, PAST TWO O'CLOCK. + + +Io Triumphe!--Io Clarissa, sing!--Once more, what a happy man thy +friend!--A silly dear novice, to be heard to tell the coachman where to +carry her!--And to go to Hampstead, of all the villages about London!-- +The place where we had been together more than once! + +Methinks I am sorry she managed no better!--I shall find the recovery of +her too easy a task, I fear! Had she but known how much difficulty +enhances the value of any thing with me, and had she the least notion of +obliging me by it, she would never have stopt short at Hampstead, surely. + +Well, but after al this exultation, thou wilt ask, If I have already got +back my charmer?--I have not;--But knowing where she is, is almost the +same thing as having her in my power. And it delights me to think how +she will start and tremble when I first pop upon her! How she will look +with conscious guilt, that will more than wipe off my guilt of Wednesday +night, when she sees her injured lover, and acknowledged husband, from +whom, the greatest of felonies, she would have stolen herself. + +But thou wilt be impatient to know how I came by my lights. Read the +enclosed letter, as I have told thee, I have given my fellow, in +apprehension of such an elopement; and that will tell thee all, and what +I may reasonably expect from the rascal's diligence and management, if he +wishes ever to see my face again. + +I received it about half an hour ago, just as I was going to lie down in +my clothes, and it has made me so much alive, that, midnight as it is, I +have sent for a Blunt's chariot, to attend me here by day peep, with my +usual coachman, if possible; and knowing not what else to do with myself, +I sat down, and, in the joy of my heart, have not only written thus far, +but have concluded upon the measures I shall take when admitted to her +presence: for well am I aware of the difficulties I shall have to contend +with from her perverseness. + + +HONNERED SIR, + +This is to sertifie your Honner, as how I am heer at Hamestet, where I +have found out my lady to be in logins at one Mrs. Moore's, near upon +Hamestet-Hethe. And I have so ordered matters, that her ladyship cannot +stur but I must have notice of her goins and comins. As I knowed I durst +not look into your Honner's fase, if I had not found out my lady, thoff +she was gone off the prems's in a quarter of an hour, as a man may say; +so I knowed you would be glad at hart to know I have found her out: and +so I send thiss Petur Patrick, who is to have 5 shillings, it being now +near 12 of the clock at nite; for he would not stur without a hearty +drink too besides: and I was willing all shulde be snug likeways at the +logins before I sent. + +I have munny of youre Honner's; but I thought as how, if the man was +payed by me beforend, he mought play trix; so left that to your Honner. + +My lady knows nothing of my being hereaway. But I thoute it best not to +leve the plase, because she has taken the logins but for a fue nites. + +If your Honner come to the Upper Flax, I will be in site all the day +about the tapp-house or the Hethe. I have borrowed another cote, instead +of your Honner's liferie, and a blacke wigg; so cannot be knoen by my +lady, iff as howe she shuld see me: and have made as if I had the tooth- +ake; so with my hancriffe at my mothe, the teth which your Honner was +pleased to bett out with your Honner's fyste, and my dam'd wide mothe, as +your Honner notifys it to be, cannot be knoen to be mine. + +The two inner letters I had from my lady, before she went off the prems's. +One was to be left at Mr. Wilson's for Miss Howe. The next was +to be for your Honner. But I knowed you was not at the plase directed; +and being afear'd of what fell out, so I kept them for your Honner, and +so could not give um to you, until I seed you. Miss How's I only made +belief to her ladyship as I carried it, and sed as how there was nothing +left for hur, as she wished to knoe: so here they be bothe. + +I am, may it please your Honner, +Your Honner's must dutiful, +And, wonce more, happy servant, +WM. SUMMERS. + + +*** + + +The two inner letters, as Will. calls them, 'tis plain, were written for +no other purpose, but to send him out of the way with them, and one of +them to amuse me. That directed to Miss Howe is only this:-- + + +THURSDAY, JUNE 8. + +I write this, my dear Miss Howe, only for a feint, and to see if it will +go current. I shall write at large very soon, if not miserably +prevented!!! + +CL. H. + + +*** + + +Now, Jack, will not her feints justify mine! Does she not invade my +province, thinkest thou? And is it not now fairly come to--Who shall +most deceive and cheat the other? So, I thank my stars, we are upon a +par at last, as to this point, which is a great ease to my conscience, +thou must believe. And if what Hudibras tells us is true, the dear +fugitive has also abundance of pleasure to come. + + Doubtless the pleasure is as great + In being cheated, as to cheat. + As lookers-on find most delight, + Who least perceive the juggler's sleight; + And still the less they understand, + The more admire the slight of hand. + + +*** + + +This my dear juggler's letter to me; the other inner letter sent by Will. + + +THURSDAY, JUNE 8. + +MR. LOVELACE, + +Do not give me cause to dread your return. If you would not that I +should hate you for ever, send me half a line by the bearer, to assure me +that you will not attempt to see me for a week to come. I cannot look +you in the face without equal confusion and indignation. The obliging me +in this, is but a poor atonement for your last night's vile behaviour. + +You may pass this time in a journey to Lord M.'s; and I cannot doubt, if +the ladies of your family are as favourable to me, as you have assured me +they are, but that you will have interest enough to prevail with one of +them to oblige me with their company. After your baseness of last night, +you will not wonder, that I insist upon this proof of your future honour. + +If Captain Tomlinson comes mean time, I can hear what he has to say, and +send you an account of it. + +But in less than a week if you see me, it must be owing to a fresh act of +violence, of which you know not the consequence. + +Send me the requested line, if ever you expect to have the forgiveness +confirmed, the promise of which you extorted from + +The unhappy +CL. H. + + +*** + + +Now, Belford, what canst thou say in behalf of this sweet rogue of a +lady? What canst thou say for her? 'Tis apparent, that she was fully +determined upon an elopement when she wrote it. And thus would she make +me of party against myself, by drawing me in to give her a week's time to +complete it. And, more wicked still, send me upon a fool's errand to +bring up one of my cousins.--When we came to have the satisfaction of +finding her gone off, and me exposed for ever!--What punishment can be +bad enough for such a little villain of a lady? + +But mind, moreover, how plausibly she accounts by this billet, (supposing +she should not find an opportunity of eloping before I returned,) for the +resolution of not seeing me for a week; and for the bread and butter +expedient!--So childish as we thought it! + +The chariot is not come; and if it were, it is yet too soon for every +thing but my impatience. And as I have already taken all my measures, +and can think of nothing but my triumph, I will resume her violent +letter, in order to strengthen my resolutions against her. I was before +in too gloomy a way to proceed with it. But now the subject is all alive +to me, and my gayer fancy, like the sunbeams, will irradiate it, and turn +the solemn deep-green into a brighter verdure. + +When I have called upon my charmer to explain some parts of her letter, +and to atone for others, I will send it, or a copy of it, to thee. + +Suffice it at present to tell thee, in the first place, that she is +determined never to be my wife.--To be sure there ought to be no +compulsion in so material a case. Compulsion was her parents' fault, +which I have censured so severely, that I shall hardly be guilty of the +same. I am therefore glad I know her mind as to this essential point. + +I have ruined her! she says.--Now that's a fib, take it her own way--if I +had, she would not, perhaps, have run away from me. + +She is thrown upon the wide world! Now I own that Hampstead-heath +affords very pretty and very extensive prospects; but 'tis not the wide +world neither. And suppose that to be her grievance, I hope soon to +restore her to a narrower. + +I am the enemy of her soul, as well as of her honour!--Confoundedly +severe! Nevertheless, another fib!--For I love her soul very well; but +think no more of it in this case than of my own. + +She is to be thrown upon strangers!--And is not that her own fault?--Much +against my will, I am sure! + +She is cast from a state of independency into one of obligation. She +never was in a state of independency; nor is it fit a woman should, of +any age, or in any state of life. And as to the state of obligation, +there is no such thing as living without being beholden to somebody. +Mutual obligation is the very essence and soul of the social and +commercial life:--Why should she be exempt from it? I am sure the person +she raves at desires not such an exemption; has been long dependent upon +her; and would rejoice to owe further obligations to her than he can +boast of hitherto. + +She talks of her father's curse!--But have I not repaid him for it an +hundred fold in the same coin? But why must the faults of other people +be laid at my door? Have I not enow of my own? + +But the grey-eyed dawn begins to peep--let me sum up all. + +In short, then, the dear creature's letter is a collection of invectives +not very new to me: though the occasion for them, no doubt is new to her. +A little sprinkling of the romantic and contradictory runs through it. +She loves, and she hates; she encourages me to pursue her, by telling me +I safely may; and yet she begs I will not. She apprehends poverty and +want, yet resolves to give away her estate; To gratify whom?--Why, in +short, those who have been the cause of her misfortunes. And finally, +though she resolves never to be mine, yet she has some regrets at leaving +me, because of the opening prospects of a reconciliation with her +friends. + +But never did morning dawn so tardily as this!--Neither is the chariot +yet come. + + +*** + + +A gentleman to speak with me, Dorcas?--Who can want me thus early? + +Captain Tomlinson, sayest thou? Surely he must have traveled all night! +Early riser as I am, how could he think to find me up thus early? + +Let but the chariot come, and he shall accompany me in it to the bottom +of the hill, (though he return to town on foot; for the Captain is all +obliging goodness,) that I may hear all he has to say, and tell him all +my mind, and lose no time. + +Well, now I am satisfied that this rebellious flight will turn to my +advantage, as all crushed rebellions do to the advantage of a sovereign +in possession. + + +*** + + +Dear Captain, I rejoice to see you--just in the nick of time--See! See! + + The rosy-finger'd morn appears, + And from her mantle shakes her tears: + The sun arising mortals cheers, + And drives the rising mists away, + In promise of a glorious day. + +Excuse me, Sir, that I salute you from my favourite bard. He that rises +with the lark will sing with the lark. Strange news since I saw you, +Captain!--Poor mistaken lady!--But you have too much goodness, I know, to +reveal to her uncle Harlowe the error of this capricious beauty. It will +all turn out for the best. You must accompany me part of the way. I +know the delight you take in composing differences. But 'tis the task of +the prudent to heal the breaches made by the rashness and folly of the +imprudent. + + +*** + + +And now, (all around me so still and so silent,) the rattling of the +chariot-wheels at a street's distance do I hear! And to this angel of a +woman I fly! + +Reward, O God of Love! [The cause is thy own!] Reward thou, as it +deserves, my suffering perseverance!--Succeed my endeavours to bring back +to thy obedience this charming fugitive! Make her acknowledge her +rashness; repent her insults; implore my forgiveness; beg to be +reinstated in my favour, and that I will bury in oblivion the remembrance +of her heinous offence against thee, and against me, thy faithful votary. + + +*** + + +The chariot at the door!--I come! I come! + +I attend you, good Captain-- + +Indeed, Sir-- + +Pray, Sir--civility is not ceremony. + + +And now, dressed as a bridegroom, my heart elated beyond that of the most +desiring one, (attended by a footman whom my beloved never saw,) I am +already at Hampstead! + + + +LETTER XXIII + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +UPPER-FLASK, HAMPSTEAD. +FRI. MORN. 7 O'CLOCK. (JUNE 9.) + + +I am now here, and here have been this hour and half.--What an +industrious spirit have I!--Nobody can say that I eat the bread of +idleness. I take true pains for all the pleasure I enjoy. I cannot +but admire myself strangely; for certainly, with this active soul, I +should have made a very great figure in whatever station I had filled. +But had I been a prince, (to be sure I should have made a most noble +prince!) I should have led up a military dance equal to that of the great +Macedonian. I should have added kingdom to kingdom, and despoiled all +my neighbour sovereigns, in order to have obtained the name of Robert the +Great! And I would have gone to war with the Great Turk, and the +Persian, and Mogul, for the seraglios; for not one of those eastern +monarchs should have had a pretty woman to bless himself with till I had +done with her. + +And now I have so much leisure upon my hands, that, after having informed +myself of all necessary particulars, I am set to my short-hand writing in +order to keep up with time as well as I can; for the subject is now +become worthy of me; and it is yet too soon, I doubt, to pay my +compliments to my charmer, after all her fatigues for two or three days +past. And, moreover, I have abundance of matters preparative to my +future proceedings to recount, in order to connect and render all +intelligible. + +I parted with the Captain at the foot of the hill, trebly instructed; +that is to say, as to the fact, to the probable, and to the possible. If +my beloved and I can meet, and make up without the mediating of this +worthy gentleman, it will be so much the better. As little foreign aid +as possible in my amorous conflicts has always been a rule with me; +though here I have been obliged to call in so much. And who knows but it +may be the better for the lady the less she makes necessary? I cannot +bear that she should sit so indifferent to me as to be in earnest to part +with me for ever upon so slight, or even upon any occasion. If I find +she is--but no more threatenings till she is in my power--thou knowest +what I have vowed. + +All Will.'s account, from the lady's flight to his finding her again, all +the accounts of the people of the house, the coachman's information to +Will., and so forth, collected together, stand thus: + +'The Hampstead coach, when the dear fugitive came to it, had but two +passengers in it. But she made the fellow to go off directly, paying for +the vacant places. + +'The two passengers directing the coachman to set them down at the Upper +Flask, she bid him set her down there also. + +'They took leave of her, [very respectfully, no doubt,] and she went into +the house, and asked, if she could not have a dish of tea, and a room to +herself for half an hour. + +'They showed her up to the very room where I now am. She sat at the very +table I now write upon; and, I believe, the chair I sit in was her's.' O +Belford, if thou knowest what love is, thou wilt be able to account for +these minutiae. + +'She seemed spiritless and fatigued. The gentlewoman herself chose to +attend so genteel and lovely a guest. She asked her if she would have +bread and butter with her tea? + +'No. She could not eat. + +'They had very good biscuits. + +'As she pleased. + +'The gentlewoman stept out for some, and returning on a sudden, she +observed the sweet little fugitive endeavouring to restrain a violent +burst of grief to which she had given way in the little interval. + +'However, when the tea came, she made the landlady sit down with her, +and asked her abundance of questions, about the villages and roads in +the neighbourhood. + +'The gentlewoman took notice to her, that she seemed to be troubled in +mind. + +'Tender spirits, she replied, could not part with dear friends without +concern.' + +She meant me, no doubt. + +'She made no inquiry about a lodging, though by the sequel, thou'lt +observe, that she seemed to intend to go no farther that night than +Hampstead. But after she had drank two dishes, and put a biscuit in +her pocket, [sweet soul! to serve for her supper, perhaps,] she laid +down half-a-crown; and refusing change, sighing, took leave, saying she +would proceed towards Hendon; the distance to which had been one of her +questions. + +'They offered to send to know if a Hampstead coach were not to go to +Hendon that evening. + +'No matter, she said--perhaps she might meet the chariot.' + +Another of her feints, I suppose: for how, or with whom, could any thing +of this sort have been concerted since yesterday morning? + +'She had, as the people took notice to one another, something so +uncommonly noble in her air, and in her person and behaviour, that they +were sure she was of quality. And having no servant with her of either +sex, her eyes, [her fine eyes, the gentlewoman called them, stranger as +she was, and a woman!] being swelled and red, they were sure there was an +elopement in the case, either from parents or guardians; for they +supposed her too young and too maidenly to be a married lady; and were +she married, no husband would let such a fine young creature to be +unattended and alone; nor give her cause for so much grief, as seemed to +be settled in her countenance. Then at times she seemed to be so +bewildered, they said, that they were afraid she had it in her head to +make away with herself. + +'All these things put together, excited their curiosity; and they engaged +a peery servant, as they called a footman who was drinking with Kit. the +hostler, at the tap-house, to watch all her motions. This fellow +reported the following particulars, as they re-reported to me: + +'She indeed went towards Hendon, passing by the sign of the Castle on the +Heath; then, stopping, looked about her, and down into the valley before +her. Then, turning her face towards London, she seemed, by the motion of +her handkerchief to her eyes, to weep; repenting [who knows?] the rash +step she had taken, and wishing herself back again.' + +Better for her, if she do, Jack, once more I say!--Woe be to the girl who +could think of marrying me, yet to be able to run away from me, and +renounce me for ever! + +'Then, continuing on a few paces, she stopt again--and, as if disliking +her road, again seeming to weep, directed her course back towards +Hampstead.' + +I am glad she wept so much, because no heart bursts, (be the occasion for +the sorrow what it will,) which has that kindly relief. Hence I hardly +ever am moved at the sight of these pellucid fugitives in a fine woman. +How often, in the past twelve hours, have I wished that I could cry most +confoundedly? + +'She then saw a coach-and-four driving towards her empty. She crossed +the path she was in, as if to meet it, and seemed to intend to speak to +the coachman, had he stopt or spoken first. He as earnestly looked at +her.--Every one did so who passed her, (so the man who dogged her was the +less suspected.')--Happy rogue of a coachman, hadst thou known whose +notice thou didst engage, and whom thou mightest have obliged!--It was +the divine Clarissa Harlowe at whom thou gazest!--Mine own Clarissa +Harlowe!--But it was well for me that thou wert as undistinguishing as +the beasts thou drovest; otherwise, what a wild-goose chace had I been +led? + +'The lady, as well as the coachman, in short, seemed to want resolution; +--the horses kept on--[the fellow's head and eyes, no doubt, turned +behind him,] and the distance soon lengthened beyond recall. With a +wistful eye she looked after him; sighed and wept again; as the servant +who then slyly passed her, observed. + +'By this time she had reached the houses. She looked up at every one as +she passed; now and then breathing upon her bared hand, and applying it +to her swelled eyes, to abate the redness, and dry the tears. At last, +seeing a bill up for letting lodgings, she walked backwards and forwards +half a dozen times, as if unable to determine what to do. And then went +farther into the town, and there the fellow, being spoken to by one of +his familiars, lost her for a few minutes: but he soon saw her come out +of a linen-drapery shop, attended with a servant-maid, having, as it +proved, got that maid-servant to go with her to the house she is now at.* + + +* See Letter XXI. of this volume. + + +'The fellow, after waiting about an hour, and not seeing her come out, +returned, concluding that she had taken lodgings there.' + +And here, supposing my narrative of the dramatic kind, ends Act the +first. And now begins + + +ACT II +SCENE.--Hampstead Heath continued. +ENTER MY RASCAL. + +Will. having got at all these particulars, by exchanging others as +frankly against them, with which I had formerly prepared him both +verbally and in writing.--I found the people already of my party, and +full of good wishes for my success, repeating to me all they told him. + +But he had first acquainted me with the accounts he had given them of his +lady and me. It is necessary that I give thee the particulars of his +tale, and I have a little time upon my hands: for the maid of the house, +who had been out of an errand, tells us, that she saw Mrs. Moore, [with +whom must be my first business,] go into the house of a young gentleman, +within a few doors of her, who has a maiden sister, Miss Rawlins by name, +so notified for prudence, that none of her acquaintance undertake any +thing of consequence without consulting her. + +Meanwhile my honest coachman is walking about Miss Rawlin's door, in +order to bring me notice of Mrs. Moore's return to her own house. I hope +her gossip's-tale will be as soon told as mine--which take as follows:-- + +Will. told them, before I came, 'That his lady was but lately married to +one of the finest gentlemen in the world. But that he, being very gay +and lively, she was mortal jealous of him; and, in a fit of that sort, +had eloped from him. For although she loved him dearly, and he doated +upon her, (as well he might, since, as they had seen, she was the finest +creature that ever the sun shone upon,) yet she was apt to be very wilful +and sullen, if he might take liberty to say so--but truth was truth;--and +if she could not have her own way in every thing, would be for leaving +him. That she had three or four times played his master such tricks; but +with all the virtue and innocence in the world; running away to an +intimate friend of her's, who, though a young lady of honour, was but too +indulgent to her in this only failing; for which reason his master has +brought her to London lodgings; their usual residence being in the +country: and that, on his refusing to satisfy her about a lady he had +been seen with in St. James's Park, she had, for the first time since she +came to town, served his master thus, whom he had left half-distracted on +this account.' + +And truly well he might, poor gentleman! cried the honest folks, pitying +me before they saw me. + +'He told them how he came by his intelligence of her; and made himself +such an interest with them, that they helped him to a change of clothes +for himself; and the landlord, at his request, privately inquired, if the +lady actually remained at Mrs. Moore's, and for how long she had taken +the lodgings?--which he found only to be for a week certain; but she had +said, that she believed she should hardly stay so long. And then it was +that he wrote his letter, and sent it by honest Peter Patrick, as thou +hast heard.' + +When I came, my person and dress having answered Will.'s description, the +people were ready to worship me. I now-and-then sighed, now-and-then put +on a lighter air; which, however, I designed should show more of vexation +ill-disguised, than of real cheerfulness; and they told Will. it was such +a thousand pities so fine a lady should have such skittish tricks; +adding, that she might expose herself to great dangers by them; for that +there were rakes every where--[Lovelaces in every corner, Jack!] and many +about that town, who would leave nothing unattempted to get into her +company; and although they might not prevail upon her, yet might they +nevertheless hurt her reputation; and, in time, estrange the affections +of so fine a gentleman from her. + +Good sensible people these!--Hey, Jack! + +Here, Landlord, one word with you.--My servant, I find, has acquainted +you with the reason of my coming this way.--An unhappy affair, Landlord! +--A very unhappy affair!--But never was there a more virtuous woman. + +So, Sir, she seems to be. A thousand pities her ladyship has such ways-- +and to so good-humoured a gentleman as you seem to be, Sir. + +Mother-spoilt, Landlord!--Mother-spoilt!--that's the thing!--But +[sighing] I must make the best of it. What I want you to do for me is to +lend me a great-coat.--I care not what it is. If my spouse should see me +at a distance, she would make it very difficult for me to get at her +speech. A great-coat with a cape, if you have one. I must come upon her +before she is aware. + +I am afraid, Sir, I have none fit for such a gentleman as you. + +O, any thing will do!--The worse the better. + + +Exit Landlord.--Re-enter with two great-coats. + +Ay, Landlord, this will be best; for I can button the cape over the lower +part of my face. Don't I look devilishly down and concerned, Landlord? + +I never saw a gentleman with a better-natured look.--'Tis pity you should +have such trials, Sir. + +I must be very unhappy, no doubt of it, Landlord.--And yet I am a little +pleased, you must needs think, that I have found her out before any great +inconvenience has arisen to her. However, if I cannot break her of these +freaks, she'll break my heart; for I do love her with all her failings. + +The good woman, who was within hearing of all this, pitied me much. + +Pray, your Honour, said she, if I may be so bold, was madam ever a mamma? + +No--[and I sighed.]--We have been but a little while married; and as I +may say to you, it is her own fault that she is not in that way. [Not a +word of a lie in this, Jack.] But to tell you truth, Madam, she may be +compared to the dog in the manger-- + +I understand you, Sir, [simpering,] she is but young, Sir. I have heard +of one or two such skittish young ladies, in my time, Sir.--But when +madam is in that way, I dare say, as she loves you, (and it would be +strange if she did not!) all this will be over, and she may make the best +of wives. + +That's all my hope. + +She is a fine lady as I ever beheld.--I hope, Sir, you won't be too +severe. She'll get over all these freaks, if once she be a mamma, I +warrant. + +I can't be severe to her--she knows that. The moment I see her, all +resentment is over with me, if she gives me but one kind look. + +All this time I was adjusting the horseman's coat, and Will. was putting +in the ties of my wig,* and buttoning the cape over my chin. + + +* The fashionable wigs at that time. + + +I asked the gentlewoman for a little powder. She brought me a powder- +box, and I slightly shook the puff over my hat, and flapt one side of it, +though the lace looked a little too gay for my covering; and, slouching +it over my eyes, Shall I be known, think you, Madam? + +Your Honour is so expert, Sir!--I wish, if I may be so bold, your lady +has not some cause to be jealous. But it will be impossible, if you keep +your laced clothes covered, that any body should know you in that dress +to be the same gentleman--except they find you out by your clocked +stockings. + +Well observed--Can't you, Landlord, lend or sell me a pair of stockings, +that will draw over these? I can cut off the feet, if they won't go into +my shoes. + +He could let me have a pair of coarse, but clean, stirrup stockings, if I +pleased. + +The best in the world for the purpose. + +He fetch'd them. Will. drew them on; and my legs then made a good gouty +appearance. + +The good woman smiling, wished me success; and so did the landlord. And +as thou knowest that I am not a bad mimic, I took a cane, which I +borrowed of the landlord, and stooped in the shoulders to a quarter of a +foot less height, and stumped away cross to the bowling-green, to +practise a little the hobbling gait of a gouty man.--The landlady +whispered her husband, as Will. tells me, He's a good one, I warrant him +--I dare say the fault lies not at all of one side. While mine host +replied, That I was so lively and so good-natured a gentleman, that he +did not know who could be angry with me, do what I would. A sensible +fellow!--I wish my charmer were of the same opinion. + +And now I am going to try if I can't agree with goody Moore for lodgings +and other conveniencies for my sick wife. + +'Wife, Lovelace?' methinks thou interrogatest. + +Yes, wife, for who knows what cautions the dear fugitive may have given +in apprehension of me? + +'But has goody Moore any other lodgings to let?' + +Yes, yes; I have taken care of that; and find that she has just such +conveniencies as I want. And I know that my wife will like them. For, +although married, I can do every thing I please; and that's a bold word, +you know. But had she only a garret to let, I would have liked it; and +been a poor author afraid of arrests, and made that my place of refuge; +yet would have made shift to pay beforehand for what I had. I can suit +myself to any condition, that's my comfort. + + +*** + + +The widow Moore returned! say you?--Down, down, flutterer!--This +impertinent heart is more troublesome to me than my conscience, I think. +--I shall be obliged to hoarsen my voice, and roughen my character, to +keep up with its puppily dancings. + +But let me see, shall I be angry or pleased when I am admitted to my +beloved's presence? + +Angry to be sure.--Has she not broken her word with me?--At a time too +when I was meditating to do her grateful justice?--And is not breach of +word a dreadful crime in good folks?--I have ever been for forming my +judgment of the nature of things and actions, not so much from what they +are in themselves, as from the character of the actors. Thus it would be +as odd a thing in such as we to keep our words with a woman, as it would +be wicked in her to break her's to us. + +Seest thou not that this unseasonable gravity is admitted to quell the +palpitations of this unmanageable heart? But still it will go on with +its boundings. I'll try as I ride in my chariot to tranquilize. + +'Ride, Bob! so little a way?' + +Yes, ride, Jack; for am I not lame? And will it not look well to have a +lodger who keeps his chariot? What widow, what servant, asks questions +of a man with an equipage? + +My coachman, as well as my other servant, is under Will.'s tuition. + +Never was there such a hideous rascal as he has made himself. The devil +only and his other master can know him. They both have set their marks +upon him. As to my honour's mark, it will never be out of his dam'd wide +mothe, as he calls it. For the dog will be hanged before he can lose the +rest of his teeth by age. + +I am gone. + + + +LETTER XXIV + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +HAMPSTEAD, FRIDAY NIGHT, JUNE 9. + + +Now, Belford, for the narrative of narratives. I will continue it as I +have opportunity; and that so dexterously, that, if I break off twenty +times, thou shalt not discern where I piece my thread. + +Although grievously afflicted with the gout, I alighted out of my chariot +(leaning very hard on my cane with one hand, and on my new servant's +shoulder with the other) the same instant almost that he had knocked at +the door, that I might be sure of admission into the house. + +I took care to button my great coat about me, and to cover with it even +the pummel of my sword, it being a little too gay for my years. I knew +not what occasion I might have for my sword. I stooped forward; blinked +with my eyes to conceal their lustre (no vanity in saying that, Jack); my +chin wrapt up for the tooth-ache; my slouched, laced hat, and so much of +my wig as was visible, giving me, all together, the appearance of an +antiquated beau. + +My wife, I resolved beforehand, should have a complication of disorders. + +The maid came to the door. I asked for her mistress. She showed me into +one of the parlours; and I sat down with a gouty Oh!-- + + +ENTER GOODY MOORE. + +Your servant, Madam--but you must excuse me; I cannot well stand--I find +by the bill at the door, that you have lodgings to let [mumbling my words +as if, like my man Will., I had lost some of my fore-teeth]: be pleased +to inform me what they are; for I like your situation--and I will tell +you my family--I have a wife, a good old woman--older than myself, by the +way, a pretty deal. She is in a bad state of health, and is advised into +the Hampstead air. She will have two maid servants and a footman. The +coach or chariot (I shall not have them put up both together) we can put +up any where, and the coachman will be with his horses. + +When, Sir, shall you want to come in? + +I will take them from this very day; and, if convenient, will bring my +wife in the afternoon. + +Perhaps, Sir, you would board, as well as lodge? + +That as you please. It will save me the trouble of bringing my cook, if +we do. And I suppose you have servants who know how to dress a couple of +dishes. My wife must eat plain food, and I don't love kickshaws. + +We have a single lady, who will be gone in two or three days. She has +one of the best apartments: that will then be at liberty. + +You have one or two good ones mean time, I presume, Madam, just to +receive my wife; for we have lost time--these damn'd physicians--excuse +me, Madam, I am not used to curse; but it is owing to the love I have for +my wife--they have kept her in hand, till they are ashamed to take more +fees, and now advise her to the air. I wish we had sent her hither at +first. But we must now make the best of it. + +Excuse me, Madam, [for she looked hard at me,] that I am muffled up in +this warm weather. I am but too sensible that I have left my chamber +sooner that I ought, and perhaps shall have a return of my gout for it. +I came out thus muffled up with a dreadful pain in my jaws; an ague in +them, I believe. But my poor dear will not be satisfied with any body's +care but mine. And, as I told thee, we have lost time. + +You shall see what accommodations I have, if you please, Sir. But I +doubt you are too lame to walk up stairs. + +I can make shift to hobble up now I have rested a little. I'll just look +upon the apartment my wife is to have. Any thing may do for the +servants: and as you seem to be a good sort of gentlewoman, I shan't +stand for a price, and will pay well besides for the trouble I shall +give. + +She led the way; and I, helping myself by the banisters, made shift to +get up with less fatigue than I expected from ancles so weak. But oh! +Jack, what was Sixtus the Vth.'s artful depression of his natural powers +to mine, when, as this half-dead Montalto, he gaped for the pretendedly +unsought pontificate, and the moment he was chosen leapt upon the +prancing beast, which it was thought by the amazed conclave he was not +able to mount, without help of chairs and men? Never was there a more +joyful heart and lighter heels than mine joined together; yet both denied +their functions; the one fluttering in secret, ready to burst its bars +for relief-ful expression, the others obliged to an hobbling motion; +when, unrestrained, they would, in their master's imagination, have +mounted him to the lunar world without the help of a ladder. + +There were three rooms on a floor: two of them handsome; and the third, +she said, still handsomer; but the lady was in it. + +I saw, I saw she was! for as I hobbled up, crying out upon my weak +ancles, in the hoarse mumbling voice I had assumed, I beheld a little +piece of her as she just cast an eye (with the door a-jar, as they call +it) to observe who was coming up; and, seeing such an old clumsy fellow, +great coated in weather so warm, slouched and muffled up, she withdrew, +shutting the door without any emotion. But it was not so with me; for +thou canst not imagine how my heart danced to my mouth, at the very +glimpse of her; so that I was afraid the thump, thump, thumping villain, +which had so lately thumped as much to no purpose, would have choked me. + +I liked the lodging well; and the more as she said the third room was +still handsomer. I must sit down, Madam, [and chose the darkest part of +the room]: Won't you take a seat yourself?--No price shall part us--but I +will leave the terms to you and my wife, if you please. And also whether +for board or not. Only please to take this for earnest, putting a guinea +into her hand--and one thing I will say; my poor wife loves money; but is +not an ill-natured woman. She was a great fortune to me: but, as the real +estate goes away at her death, I would fain preserve her for that reason, +as well as for the love I bear her as an honest man. But if she makes +too close a bargain with you, tell me; and, unknown to her, I will make +it up. This is my constant way: she loves to have her pen'orths; and I +would not have her vexed or made uneasy on any account. + +She said, I was a very considerate gentleman; and, upon the condition I +had mentioned, she was content to leave the terms to my lady. + +But, Madam, cannot a body just peep into the other apartment; that I may +be more particular to my wife in the furniture of it? + +The lady desires to be private, Sir--but--and was going to ask her leave. + +I caught hold of her arm--However, stay, stay, Madam: it mayn't be +proper, if the lady loves to be private. Don't let me intrude upon the +lady-- + +No intrusion, Sir, I dare say: the lady is good-humoured. She will be so +kind as to step down into the parlour, I dare say. As she stays so +little a while, I am sure she will not wish to stand in my way. + +No, Madam, that's true, if she be good-humoured, as you say--Has she been +with you long, Madam? + +She came but yesterday, Sir-- + +I believe I just now saw the glimpse of her. She seems to be an elderly +lady. + +No, Sir! you're mistaken. She's a young lady; and one of the handsomest +I ever saw. + +Cot so, I beg her pardon! Not but that I should have liked her the +better, were she to stay longer, if she had been elderly. I have a +strange taste, Madam, you'll say; but I really, for my wife's sake, love +every elderly woman. Indeed I ever thought age was to be reverenced, +which made me (taking the fortune into the scale too, that I own) make my +addresses to my present dear. + +Very good of you, Sir, to respect age: we all hope to live to be old. + +Right, Madam.--But you say the lady is beautiful. Now you must know, +that though I choose to converse with the elderly, yet I love to see a +beautiful young woman, just as I love to see fine flowers in a garden. +There's no casting an eye upon her, is there, without her notice? For in +this dress, and thus muffled up about my jaws, I should not care to be +seen any more than she, let her love privacy as much as she will. + +I will go and ask if I may show a gentleman the apartment, Sir; and, as +you are a married gentleman, and not over young, she'll perhaps make the +less scruple. + +Then, like me, she loves elderly folks best perhaps. But it may be she +has suffered by young ones. + +I fancy she has, Sir, or is afraid she shall. She desired to be very +private; and if by description inquired after, to be denied. + +Thou art a true woman, goody Moore, thought I. + +Good lack--good lack!--What may be her story then, I pray? + +She is pretty reserved in her story: but, to tell you my thoughts, I +believe love is in the case: she is always in tears, and does not much +care for company. + +Nay, Madam, it becomes not me to dive into ladies' secrets; I want not to +pry into other people's affairs. But, pray, how does she employ +herself?--Yet she came but yesterday; so you can't tell. + +Writing continually, Sir. + +These women, Jack, when you ask them questions by way of information, +don't care to be ignorant of any thing. + +Nay, excuse me, Madam, I am very far from being an inquisitive man. But +if her case be difficult, and not merely love, as she is a friend of +your's, I would give her my advice. + +Then you are a lawyer, Sir-- + +Why, indeed, Madam, I was some time at the bar; but I have long left +practice; yet am much consulted by my friends in difficult points. In a +pauper case I frequently give money; but never take any from the richest. + +You are a very good gentleman, then, Sir. + +Ay, Madam, we cannot live always here; and we ought to do what good we +can--but I hate to appear officious. If the lady stay any time, and +think fit, upon better acquaintance, to let me into her case, it may be a +happy day for her, if I find it a just one; for, you must know, that when +I was at the bar, I never was such a sad fellow as to undertake, for the +sake of a paltry fee, to make white black, and black white: For what +would that have been, but to endeavour to establish iniquity by quirks, +while I robbed the innocent? + +You are an excellent gentleman, Sir: I wish [and then she sighed] I had +had the happiness to know there was such a lawyer in the world; and to +have been acquainted with him. + +Come, come, Mrs. Moore, I think your name is, it may not be too late-- +when you and I are better acquainted, I may help you perhaps.--But +mention nothing of this to the lady: for, as I said, I hate to appear +officious. + +This prohibition, I knew, if goody Moore answered the specimen she had +given of her womanhood, would make her take the first opportunity to +tell, were it to be necessary to my purpose that she should. + +I appeared, upon the whole, so indifferent about seeing the room, or the +lady, that the good woman was the more eager I should see both. And the +rather, as I, to stimulate her, declared, that there was more required in +my eye to merit the character of a handsome woman, than most people +thought necessary; and that I had never seen six truly lovely women in my +life. + +To be brief, she went in; and after a little while came out again. The +lady, Sir, is retired to her closet. So you may go in and look at the +room. + +Then how my heart began again to play its pug's tricks! + +I hobbled in, and stumped about, and liked it very much; and was sure my +wife would. I begged excuse for sitting down, and asked, who was the +minister of the place? If he were a good preacher? Who preached at the +Chapel? And if he were a good preacher, and a good liver too, Madam--I +must inquire after that: for I love, but I must needs say, that the +clergy should practise what they preach. + +Very right, Sir; but that is not so often the case as were to be wished. + +More's the pity, Madam. But I have a great veneration for the clergy in +general. It is more a satire upon human nature than upon the cloth, if +we suppose those who have the best opportunities to do good, less perfect +than other people. For my part, I don't love professional any more than +national reflections.--But I keep the lady in her closet. My gout makes +me rude. + +Then up from my seat stumped I--what do you call these window-curtains, +Madam? + +Stuff-damask, Sir. + +It looks mighty well, truly. I like it better than silk. It is warmer +to be sure, and much fitter for lodgings in the country; especially for +people in years. The bed is in a pretty state. + +It is neat and clean, Sir: that's all we pretend to. + +Ay, mighty well--very well--a silk camblet, I think--very well, truly!--I +am sure my wife will like it. But we would not turn the lady out of her +lodgings for the world. The other two apartments will do for us at +present. + +Then stumping towards the closet, over the door of which hung a +picture--What picture is that--Oh! I see; a St. Cecilia! + +A common print, Sir! + +Pretty well, pretty well! It is after an Italian master.--I would not +for the world turn the lady out of her apartment. We can make shift with +the other two, repeated I, louder still: but yet mumblingly hoarse: for I +had as great regard to uniformity in accent, as to my words. + +O Belford! to be so near my angel, think what a painful constraint I was +under. + +I was resolved to fetch her out, if possible: and pretending to be +going--you can't agree as to any time, Mrs. Moore, when we can have this +third room, can you?--Not that [whispered I, loud enough to be heard in +the next room; not that] I would incommode the lady: but I would tell my +wife when abouts--and women, you know, Mrs. Moore, love to have every +thing before them of this nature. + +Mrs. Moore (said my charmer) [and never did her voice sound so harmonious +to me: Oh! how my heart bounded again! It even talked to me, in a +manner; for I thought I heard, as well as felt, its unruly flutters; and +every vein about me seemed a pulse; Mrs. Moore] you may acquaint the +gentleman, that I shall stay here only for two or three days at most, +till I receive an answer to a letter I have written into the country; and +rather than be your hindrance, I will take up with any apartment a pair +of stairs higher. + +Not for the world!--Not for the world, young lady! cried I.--My wife, as +I love her, should lie in a garret, rather than put such a considerate +young lady, as you seem to be, to the least inconveniency. + +She opened not the door yet; and I said, but since you have so much +goodness, Madam, if I could but just look into the closet as I stand, I +could tell my wife whether it is large enough to hold a cabinet she much +values, and ill have with her wherever she goes. + +Then my charmer opened the door, and blazed upon me, as it were, in a +flood of light, like what one might imagine would strike a man, who, born +blind, had by some propitious power been blessed with his sight, all at +once, in a meridian sun. + +Upon my soul, I never was so strangely affected before. I had much ado +to forbear discovering myself that instant: but, hesitatingly, and in +great disorder, I said, looking into the closet and around it, there is +room, I see, for my wife's cabinet; and it has many jewels in it of high +price; but, upon my soul, [for I could not forbear swearing, like a +puppy: habit is a cursed thing, Jack--] nothing so valuable as a lady I +see, can be brought into it. + +She started, and looked at me with terror. The truth of the compliment, +as far as I know, had taken dissimulation from my accent. + +I saw it was impossible to conceal myself longer from her, any more than +(from the violent impulses of my passion) to forbear manifesting myself. +I unbuttoned therefore my cape, I pulled off my flapt slouched hat; I +threw open my great coat, and, like the devil in Milton [an odd +comparison though!]-- + + I started up in my own form divine, + Touch'd by the beam of her celestial eye, + More potent than Ithuriel's spear!-- + +Now, Belford, for a similitude--now for a likeness to illustrate the +surprising scene, and the effect it had upon my charmer, and the +gentlewoman!--But nothing was like it, or equal to it. The plain fact +can only describe it, and set it off--thus then take it. + +She no sooner saw who it was, than she gave three violent screams; and, +before I could catch her in my arms, (as I was about to do the moment I +discovered myself,) down she sunk at my feet in a fit; which made me +curse my indiscretion for so suddenly, and with so much emotion, +revealing myself. + +The gentlewoman, seeing so strange an alteration in my person, and +features, and voice, and dress, cried out, Murder, help! murder, help! by +turns, for half a dozen times running. This alarmed the house, and up +ran two servant maids, and my servant after them. I cried out for water +and hartshorn, and every one flew a different way, one of the maids as +fast down as she came up; while the gentlewoman ran out of one room into +another, and by turns up and down the apartment we were in, without +meaning or end, wringing her foolish hands, and not knowing what she did. + +Up then came running a gentleman and his sister, fetched, and brought in +by the maid, who had run down, and having let in a cursed crabbed old +wretch, hobbling with his gout, and mumbling with his hoarse +broken-toothed voice, who was metamorphosed all at once into a lively, +gay young fellow, with a clear accent, and all his teeth, she would have +it, that I was neither more nor less than the devil, and could not keep +her eye from my foot, expecting, no doubt, every minute to see it +discover itself to be cloven. + +For my part, I was so intent upon restoring my angel, that I regarded +nobody else. And, at last, she slowly recovering motion, with bitter +sighs and sobs, (only the whites of her eyes however appearing for some +moments,) I called upon her in the tenderest accent, as I kneeled by her, +my arm supporting her head, My angel! my charmer! my Clarissa! look upon +me, my dearest life!--I am not angry with you; I will forgive you, my +best beloved. + +The gentleman and his sister knew not what to make of all this: and the +less, when my fair-one, recovering her sight, snatched another look at +me; and then again groaned, and fainted away. + +I threw up the closet-sash for air, and then left her to the care of the +young gentlewoman, the same notable Miss Rawlins, who I had heard of at +the Flask: and to that of Mrs. Moore; who by this time had recovered +herself; and then retiring to one corner of the room, I made my servant +pull off my gouty stockings, brush my hat, and loop it up into the usual +smart cock. + +I then stept to the closet to Mr. Rawlins, whom, in the general +confusion, I had not much minded before.--Sir, said I, you have an +uncommon scene before you. The lady is my wife, and no gentleman's +presence is necessary here but my own. + +I beg pardon, Sir; if the lady be your wife, I have no business here. +But, Sir, by her concern at seeing you-- + +Pray, Sir, none of your if's and but's, I beseech you: nor your concern +about the lady's concern. You are a very unqualified judge in this +cause; and I beg of you, Sir, to oblige me with your absence. The women +only are proper to be present on this occasion, added I; and I think +myself obliged to them for their care and kind assistance. + +'Tis well he made not another word: for I found my choler begin to rise. +I could not bear, that the finest neck, and arms, and foot, in the world, +should be exposed to the eyes of any man living but mine. + +I withdrew once more from the closet, finding her beginning to recover, +lest the sight of me too soon should throw her back again. + +The first words she said, looking round her with great emotion, were, Oh! +hide me, hide me! Is he gone?--Oh! hide me!--Is he gone? + +Sir, said Miss Rawlins, coming to me with an air both peremptory and +assured, This is some surprising case. The lady cannot bear the sight of +you. What you have done is best known to yourself. But another such fit +will probably be her last. It would be but kind therefore for you to +retire. + +It behoved me to have so notable a person of my party; and the rather as +I had disobliged her impertinent brother. + +The dear creature, said I, may well, be concerned to see me. If you, +Madam, had a husband who loved you as I love her, you would not, I am +confident, fly from him, and expose yourself to hazards, as she does +whenever she has not all her way--and yet with a mind not capable of +intentional evil--but mother-spoilt!--This is her fault, and all her +fault: and the more inexcusable it is, as I am the man of her choice, and +have reason to think she loves me above all the men in the world. + +Here, Jack, was a story to support to the lady; face to face too!* + + +* And here, Belford, lest thou, through inattention, should be surprised +at my assurance, let me remind thee (and that, thus, by way of marginal +observation, that I may not break in upon my narrative) that this my +intrepidity concerted (as I have from time to time acquainted thee) in +apprehension of such an event as has fallen out. For had not the dear +creature already passed for my wife before no less than four worthy +gentlemen of family and fortune?** and before Mrs. Sinclair, and her +household, and Miss Partington? And had she not agreed to her uncle's +expedient, that she should pass for such, from the time of Mr. Hickman's +application to that uncle;*** and that the worthy Capt. Tomlinson should +be allowed to propagate that belief: as he had actually reported to two +families (they possibly to more); purposely that it might come to the +ears of James Harlowe; and serve for a foundation for uncle John to build +his reconciliation-scheme upon? And canst thou think that nothing was +meant by all this contrivance? and that I am not still further prepared +to support my story? + +** See Vol. IV. Letter IV. towards the conclusion. +*** Ibid. Letter XVI. + Ibid. + +Indeed, I little thought, at the time that I formed these precautionary +schemes, that she would ever have been able, if willing, to get out of my +hands. All that I hoped I should have occasion to have recourse to them +for, was only, in case I should have the courage to make the grand +attempt, and should succeed in it, to bring the dear creature [and this +out of tenderness to her, for what attention did I ever yet pay to the +grief, the execrations, the tears of a woman I had triumphed over?] to +bear me in her sight: to expostulate with me, to be pacified by my pleas, +and by my own future hopes, founded upon the reconciliatory-project, upon +my reiterated vows, and upon the Captain's assurances. Since in that +case, to forgive me, to have gone on with me, for a week, would have been +to forgive me, to have gone on with me, for ever. And that, had my +eligible life of honour taken place, her trials would all have been then +over: and she would have known nothing but gratitude, love, and joy, to +the end of one of our lives. For never would I, never could I, have +abandoned such an admirable creature as this. Thou knowest I never was a +sordid villain to any of her inferiors--Her inferiors, I may say--For who +is not her inferior? + + +You speak like a gentleman; you look like a gentleman, said Miss +Rawlins--but, Sir, this is a strange case; the lady sees to dread the +sight of you. + +No wonder, Madam; taking her a little on one side, nearer to Mrs. Moore. +I have three times already forgiven the dear creature--but this is +jealousy!--There is a spice of that in it--and of phrensy too [whispered +I, that it might have the face of a secret, and of consequence the more +engage their attention]--but our story is too long. + +I then made a motion to go to my beloved. But they desired that I would +walk into the next room; and they would endeavour to prevail upon her to +lie down. + +I begged that they would not suffer her to talk; for that she was +accustomed to fits, and, when in this way, would talk of any thing that +came uppermost: and the more she was suffered to run on, the worse she +was; and if not kept quiet, would fall into ravings: which might possibly +hold her a week. + +They promised to keep her quiet; and I withdrew into the next room; +ordering every one down but Mrs. Moore and Miss Rawlins. + +She was full of exclamations! Unhappy creature! miserable! ruined! and +undone! she called herself; wrung her hands, and begged they would assist +her to escape from the terrible evils she should otherwise be made to +suffer. + +They preached patience and quietness to her; and would have had her to +lie down: but she refused; sinking, however, into an easy chair; for she +trembled so she could not stand. + +By this time, I hoped, that she was enough recovered to bear a presence +that it behoved me to make her bear; and fearing she would throw out +something in her exclamations, that would still more disconcert me, I +went into the room again. + +O there he is! said she, and threw her apron over her face--I cannot see +him!--I cannot look upon him!--Begone, begone! touch me not!-- + +For I took her struggling hand, beseeching her to be pacified; and +assuring her, that I would make all up with her upon her own terms and +wishes. + +Base man! said the violent lady, I have no wishes, but never to behold +you more! Why must I be thus pursued and haunted? Have you not made me +miserable enough already?--Despoiled of all succour and help, and of +every friend, I am contented to be poor, low, and miserable, so I may +live free from your persecutions. + +Miss Rawlins stared at me [a confident slut this Miss Rawlins, thought +I]: so did Mrs. Moore. I told you so! whispering said I, turning to the +women; shaking my head with a face of great concern and pity; and then to +my charmer, My dear creature, how you rave! You will not easily recover +from the effects of this violence. Have patience, my love. Be pacified; +and we will coolly talk this matter over: for you expose yourself, as +well as me: these ladies will certainly think you have fallen among +robbers, and that I am the chief of them. + +So you are! so you are! stamping, her face still covered [she thought of +Wednesday night, no doubt]; and, sighing as if her heart were breaking, +she put her hand to her forehead--I shall be quite distracted! + +I will not, my dearest love, uncover your face. You shall not look upon +me, since I am so odious to you. But this is a violence I never thought +you capable of. + +And I would have pressed her hand, as I held it, with my lips; but she +drew it from me with indignation. + +Unhand me, Sir, said she. I will not be touched by you. Leave me to my +fate. What right, what title, have you to persecute me thus? + +What right, what title, my dear!--But this is not a time--I have a letter +from Captain Tomlinson--here it is--offering it to her-- + +I will receive nothing from your hands--tell me not of Captain +Tomlinson--tell me not of any body--you have no right to invade me thus-- +once more leave me to my fate--have you not made me miserable enough? + +I touched a delicate string, on purpose to set her in such a passion +before the women, as might confirm the intimation I had given of a +phrensical disorder. + +What a turn is here!--Lately so happy--nothing wanting but a +reconciliation between you and your friends!--That reconciliation in such +a happy train--shall so slight, so accidental an occasion be suffered to +overturn all our happiness? + +She started up with a trembling impatience, her apron falling from her +indignant face--now, said she, that thou darest to call the occasion +slight and accidental, and that I am happily out of thy vile hands, and +out of a house I have reason to believe as vile, traitor and wretch as +thou art, I will venture to cast an eye upon thee--and Oh! that it were +in my power, in mercy to my sex, to look thee first into shame and +remorse, and then into death! + +This violent tragedy-speech, and the high manner in which she uttered it, +had its desired effect. I looked upon the women, and upon her by turns, +with a pitying eye; and they shook their wise heads, and besought me to +retire, and her to lie down to compose herself. + +This hurricane, like other hurricanes, was presently allayed by a shower. +She threw herself once more into her armed chair, and begged pardon of +the women for her passionate excess; but not of me: yet I was in hopes, +that when compliments were stirring, I should have come in for a share. + +Indeed, Ladies, said I, [with assurance enough, thou'lt say,] this +violence is not natural to my beloved's temper--misapprehension-- + +Misapprehension, wretch!--And want I excuses from thee! + +By what a scorn was every lovely feature agitated! + +Then turning her face from me, I have not patience, O thou guileful +betrayer, to look upon thee! Begone! Begone! With a face so +unblushing, how darest thou appear in my presence? + +I thought then, that the character of a husband obliged me to be angry. + +You may one day, Madam, repent this treatment:--by my soul, you may. You +know I have not deserved it of you--you know--I have not. + +Do I know you have not?--Wretch! Do I know-- + +You do, Madam--and never did man of my figure and consideration, [I +thought it was proper to throw that in] meet with such treatment-- + +She lifted up her hands: indignation kept her silent. + +But all is of a piece with the charge you bring against me of despoiling +you of all succour and help, of making you poor and low, and with other +unprecedented language. I will only say, before these two gentlewomen, +that since it must be so, and since your former esteem for me is turned +into so riveted an aversion, I will soon, very soon, make you entirely +easy. I will be gone:--I will leave you to your own fate, as you call +it; and may that be happy!--Only, that I may not appear to be a spoiler, +a robber indeed, let me know whither I shall send your apparel, and every +thing that belongs to you, and I will send it. + +Send it to this place; and assure me, that you will never molest me more; +never more come near me; and that is all I ask of you. + +I will do so, Madam, said I, with a dejected air. But did I ever think I +should be so indifferent to you?--However, you must permit me to insist +on your reading this letter; and on your seeing Captain Tomlinson, and +hearing what he has to say from your uncle. He will be here by-and-by. + +Don't trifle with me, said she in an imperious tone--do as you offer. I +will not receive any letter from your hands. If I see Captain Tomlinson, +it shall be on his own account, not on your's. You tell me you will send +me my apparel--if you would have me believe any thing you say, let this +be the test of your sincerity.--Leave me now, and send my things. + +The women started.--They did nothing but stare; and appeared to be more +and more at a loss what to make of the matter between us. + +I pretended to be going from her in a pet; but, when I had got to the +door, I turned back; and, as if I had recollected myself--One word more, +my dearest creature!--Charming, even in your anger!--O my fond soul! said +I, turning half round, and pulling out my handkerchief.-- + +I believe, Jack, my eyes did glisten a little. I have no doubt but they +did. The women pitied me--honest souls! They showed they had each of +them a handkerchief as well as I. So, has thou not observed (to give a +familiar illustration,) every man in a company of a dozen, or more, +obligingly pull out his watch, when some one has asked what's o'clock?-- +As each man of a like number, if one talks of his beard, will fall to +stroking his chin with his four fingers and thumb. + +One word only, Madam, repeated I, (as soon as my voice had recovered its +tone,) I have represented to Captain Tomlinson in the most favourable +light the cause of our present misunderstanding. You know what your +uncle insists upon, and with which you have acquiesced.--The letter in my +hand, [and again I offered it to her,] will acquaint you with what you +have to apprehend from your brother's active malice. + +She was going to speak in a high accent, putting the letter from her, +with an open palm--Nay, hear me out, Madam--The Captain, you know, has +reported our marriage to two different persons. It is come to your +brother's ears. My own relations have also heard of it.--Letters were +brought me from town this morning, from Lady Betty Lawrance, and Miss +Montague. Here they are. [I pulled them out of my pocket, and offered +them to her, with that of the Captain; but she held back her still open +palm, that she might not receive them.] Reflect, Madam, I beseech you, +reflect upon the fatal consequences with which this, your high +resentment, may be attended. + +Ever since I knew you, said she, I have been in a wilderness of doubt +and error. I bless God that I am out of your hands. I will transact for +myself what relates to myself. I dismiss all your solicitude for me.-- +Am I not my own mistress?--Have you any title?-- + +The women stared--[the devil stare ye, thought I!--Can ye do nothing but +stare?]--It was high time to stop her here. + +I raised my voice to drown her's.--You used, my dearest creature, to have +a tender and apprehensive heart.--You never had so much reason for such a +one as now. + +Let me judge for myself, upon what I shall see, not upon what I shall +hear.--Do you think I shall ever?-- + +I dreaded her going on--I must be heard, Madam, (raising my voice still +higher,)--you must let me read one paragraph or two out of this letter to +you, if you will not read it yourself-- + +Begone from me, Man!--Begone from me with thy letters! What pretence +hast thou for tormenting me thus? What right?--What title?-- + +Dearest creature! what questions you ask!--Questions that you can as well +answer yourself-- + +I can, I will, and thus I answer them-- + +Still louder I raised my voice.--She was overborne.--Sweet soul! It +would be hard, thought I, [and yet I was very angry with her,] if such a +spirit as thine cannot be brought to yield to such a one as mine! + +I lowered my voice on her silence. All gentle, all intreative, my +accent. My head bowed--one hand held out--the other on my honest heart. +--For heaven's sake, my dearest creature, resolve to see Captain +Tomlinson with temper. He would have come along with me, but I was +willing to try to soften your mind first on this fatal misapprehension, +and this for the same of your own wishes. For what is it otherwise to +me, whether your friends are, or are not, reconciled to us?--Do I want +any favour from them?--For your own mind's sake, therefore, frustrate not +Captain Tomlinson's negociation. That worthy gentleman will be here in +the afternoon; Lady Betty will be in town, with my cousin Montague, in a +day or two.--They will be your visiters. I beseech you do not carry this +misunderstanding so far, as that Lord M. and Lady Betty, and Lady Sarah, +may know it. [How considerable this made me look to the women!] Lady +Betty will not let you rest till you consent to accompany her to her own +seat--and to that lady may you safely intrust your cause. + +Again, upon my pausing a moment, she was going to break out. I liked not +the turn of her countenance, nor the tone of her voice--'And thinkest +thou, base wretch,' were the words she did utter: I again raised my +voice, and drowned her's.--Base wretch, Madam?--You know that I have not +deserved the violent names you have called me. Words so opprobrious from +a mind so gentle!--But this treatment is from you, Madam?--From you, whom +I love more than my own soul!--By that soul, I swear that I do.--[The +women looked upon each other--they seemed pleased with my ardour.--Women, +whether wives, maids, or widows, love ardours: even Miss Howe, thou +knowest, speaks up for ardours,*]--Nevertheless, I must say, that you +have carried matters too far for the occasion. I see you hate me-- + + +* See Vol. IV. Letters XXIX. and XXXIV. + + +She was just going to speak--If we are to separate for ever, in a strong +and solemn voice, proceeded I, this island shall not long be troubled +with me. Mean time, only be pleased to give these letters a perusal, and +consider what is to be said to your uncle's friend, and what he is to say +to your uncle.--Any thing will I come into, (renounce me, if you will,) +that shall make for your peace, and for the reconciliation your heart was +so lately set upon. But I humbly conceive, that it is necessary that you +should come into better temper with me, were it but to give a favourable +appearance to what has passed, and weight to any future application to +your friends, in whatever way you shall think proper to make it. + +I then put the letters into her lap, and retired into the next apartment +with a low bow, and a very solemn air. + +I was soon followed by the two women. Mrs. Moore withdrew to give the +fair perverse time to read them: Miss Rawlins for the same reason, and +because she was sent for home. + +The widow besought her speedy return. I joined in the same request; and +she was ready enough to promise to oblige us. + +I excused myself to Mrs. Moore for the disguise I had appeared in at +first, and for the story I had invented. I told her that I held myself +obliged to satisfy her for the whole floor we were upon; and for an upper +room for my servant, and that for a month certain. + +She made many scruples, and begged she might not be urged, on this head, +till she had consulted Miss Rawlins. + +I consented; but told her, that she had taken my earnest, and I hoped +there was no room for dispute. + +Just then Miss Rawlins returned, with an air of eager curiosity; and +having been told what had passed between Mrs. Moore and me, she gave +herself airs of office immediately: which I humoured, plainly perceiving +that if I had her with me I had the other. + +She wished, if there were time for it, and if it were not quite +impertinent in her to desire it, that I would give Mrs. Moore and her a +brief history of an affair, which, as she said, bore the face of novelty, +mystery, and surprise. For sometimes it looked to her as if we were +married; at other times that point appeared doubtful; and yet the lady +did not absolutely deny it, but, upon the whole, thought herself highly +injured. + +I said that our's was a very particular case.--That, were I to acquaint +them with it, some part of it would hardly appear credible. But, +however, as they seemed hardly to be persons of discretion, I would give +them a brief account of the whole; and this in so plain and sincere a +manner, that it should clear up, to their satisfaction, every thing that +had passed, or might hereafter pass between us. + +They sat down by me and threw every feature of their faces into +attention. I was resolved to go as near the truth as possible, lest any +thing should drop from my spouse to impeach my veracity; and yet keep in +view what passed at the Flask. + +It is necessary, although thou knowest my whole story, and a good deal of +my views, that thou shouldst be apprized of the substance of what I told +them. + +'I gave them, in as concise a manner as I was able, this history of our +families, fortunes, alliances, antipathies, her brother's and mine +particularly. I averred the truth of our private marriage.' The +Captain's letter, which I will enclose, will give thee my reasons for +that. And, besides, the women might have proposed a parson to me by way +of compromise. 'I told them the condition my spouse had made me swear +to; and to which she held me, in order, I said, to induce me the sooner +to be reconciled to her relations. + +'I owned, that this restraint made me sometimes ready to fly out.' And +Mrs. Moore was so good as to declare, that she did not much wonder at it. + +Thou art a very good sort of woman, Mrs. Moore, thought I. + +As Miss Howe has actually detected our mother, and might possibly find +some way still to acquaint her friend with her discoveries, I thought it +proper to prepossess them in favour of Mrs. Sinclair and her two nieces. + +I said, 'they were gentlewomen born; that they had not bad hearts; that +indeed my spouse did not love them; they having once taken the liberty to +blame her for her over-niceness with regard to me. People, I said, even +good people, who knew themselves to be guilty of a fault they had no +inclination to mend, were too often least patient when told of it; as +they could less bear than others to be thought indifferently of.' + +Too often the case, they owned. + +'Mrs. Sinclair's house was a very handsome house, and fit to receive the +first quality, [true enough, Jack!] Mrs. Sinclair was a woman very easy +in her circumstances:--A widow gentlewoman, as you, Mrs. Moore, are.-- +Lets lodgings, as you, Mrs. Moore, do.--Once had better prospects as you, +Mrs. Moore, may have had: the relict of Colonel Sinclair;--you, Mrs. +Moore, might know Colonel Sinclair--he had lodgings at Hampstead.' + +She had heard of the name. + +'Oh! he was related to the best families in Scotland!--And his widow is +not to be reflected upon because she lets lodgings you know, Mrs. Moore-- +you know, Miss Rawlins.' + +Very true, and very true.--And they must needs say, it did not look quite +so pretty, in such a lady as my spouse, to be so censorious. + +A foundation here, thought I, to procure these women's help to get back +the fugitive, or their connivance, at least, at my doing so; as well as +for anticipating any future information from Miss Howe. + +I gave them a character of that virago; and intimated, 'that for a head +to contrive mischief, and a heart to execute it, she had hardly her equal +in her sex.' + +To this Miss Howe it was, Mrs. Moore said, she supposed, that my spouse +was so desirous to dispatch a man and horse, by day-dawn, with a letter +she wrote before she went to bed last night, proposing to stay no longer +than till she had received an answer to it. + +The very same, said I; I knew she would have immediate recourse to her. +I should have been but too happy, could I have prevented such a letter +from passing, or so to have it managed, as to have it given into Mrs. +Howe's hands, instead of her daughter's. Women who had lived some time +in the world knew better, than to encourage such skittish pranks in young +wives. + +Let me just stop to tell thee, while it is in my head, that I have since +given Will. his cue to find out where the man lives who is gone with the +fair fugitive's letter; and, if possible, to see him on his return, +before he sees her. + +I told the women, 'I despaired that it would ever be better with us while +Miss Howe had so strange an ascendancy over my spouse, and remained +herself unmarried. And until the reconciliation with her friends could +be effected; or a still happier event--as I should think it, who am the +last male of my family; and which my foolish vow, and her rigour, had +hitherto'-- + +Here I stopt, and looked modest, turning my diamond ring round my finger; +while goody Moore looked mighty significant, calling it a very particular +case; and the maiden fanned away, and primm'd, and purs'd, to show that +what I had said needed no farther explanantion. + +'I told them the occasion of our present difference. I avowed the +reality of the fire; but owned, that I would have made no scruple of +breaking the unnatural oath she had bound me in, (having a husband's +right on my side,) when she was so accidentally frighted into my arms; +and I blamed myself excessively, that I did not; since she thought fit to +carry her resentment so high, and had the injustice to suppose the fire +to be a contrivance of mine.' + +Nay, for that matter, Mrs. Moore said, as we were married, and madam was +so odd--every gentleman would not--and stopt there Mrs. Moore. + +'To suppose I should have recourse to such a poor contrivance, said I, +when I saw the dear creature every hour.'--Was not this a bold put, Jack? + +A most extraordinary case, truly, cried the maiden; fanning, yet coming +in with her Well-but's!--and her sifting Pray, Sir's!--and her +restraining Enough, Sir's.--flying from the question to the question--her +seat now-and-then uneasy, for fear my want of delicacy should hurt her +abundant modesty; and yet it was difficult to satisfy her super-abundant +curiosity. + +'My beloved's jealousy, [and jealousy of itself, to female minds, +accounts for a thousand unaccountablenesses,] and the imputation of her +half-phrensy, brought upon her by her father's wicked curse, and by the +previous persecutions she had undergone from all her family, were what I +dwelt upon, in order to provide against what might happen.' + +In short, 'I owned against myself most of the offences which I did not +doubt but she would charge me with in their hearing; and as every cause +has a black and white side, I gave the worst parts of our story the +gentlest turn. And when I had done, acquainted them with some of the +contents of that letter of Captain Tomlinson which I left with the lady. +I concluded with James Harlowe, and of Captain Singleton, or of any +sailor-looking men.' + +This thou wilt see, from the letter itself, was necessary to be done. +Here, therefore, thou mayest read it. And a charming letter to my +purpose wilt thou find it to be, if thou givest the least attention to +its contents. + + +TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ. +WEDN. JUNE 7. + +DEAR SIR, + +Although I am obliged to be in town to-morrow, or next day at farthest, +yet I would not dispense with writing to you, by one of my servants, +(whom I send up before upon a particular occasion,) in order to advertise +you, that it is probable you will hear from some of your own relations on +your [supposed*] nuptials. One of the persons, (Mr. Lilburne by name,) +to whom I hinted my belief of your marriage, happens to be acquainted +with Mr. Spurrier, Lady Betty Lawrance's steward, and (not being under +any restriction) mentioned it to Mr. Spurrier, and he to Lady Betty, as a +thing certain; and this, (though I have not the honour to be personally +known to her Ladyship,) brought on an inquiry from her Ladyship to me by +her gentleman; who coming to me in company with Mr. Lilburne, I had no +way but to confirm the report.--And I understand, that Lady Betty takes +it amiss that she was not acquainted with so desirable a piece of news +from yourself. + + +* What is between hooks [ ] thou mayest suppose, Jack, I sunk upon the +women, in the account I gave them of the contents of this letter. + + +Her Ladyship, it seems, has business that calls her to town [and you will +possibly choose to put her right. If you do, it will, I presume, be in +confidence; that nothing may transpire from your own family to contradict +what I have given out.] + +[I have ever been of opinion, That truth ought to be strictly adhered to +on all occasions: and am concerned that I have, (though with so good a +view,) departed from my old maxim. But my dear friend Mr. John Harlowe +would have it so. Yet I never knew a departure of this kind a single +departure. But, to make the best of it now, allow me, Sir, once more to +beg the lady, as soon as possible, to authenticate the report given out.] +When both you and the lady join in the acknowledgement of your marriage, +it will be impertinent in any one to be inquisitive as to the day or +week. [And if as privately celebrated as you intend, (while the +gentlewomen with whom you lodge are properly instructed, as you say they +are, and who shall actually believe you were married long ago,) who shall +be able to give a contradiction to my report?] + +And yet it is very probable, that minute inquiries will be made; and this +is what renders precaution necessary; for Mr. James Harlowe will not +believe that you are married; and is sure, he says, that you both lived +together when Mr. Hickman's application was made to Mr. John Harlowe: and +if you lived together any time unmarried, he infers from your character, +Mr. Lovelace, that it is not probable that you would ever marry. And he +leaves it to his two uncles to decide, if you even should be married, +whether there be not room to believe, that his sister was first +dishonoured; and if so, to judge of the title she will have to their +favour, or to the forgiveness of any of her family.--I believe, Sir, this +part of my letter had best be kept from the lady. + +Young Mr. Harlowe is resolved to find this out, and to come at his +sister's speech likewise: and for that purpose sets out to-morrow, as I +am well informed, with a large attendance armed; and Mr. Solmes is to be +of the party. And what makes him the more earnest to find it out is +this:--Mr. John Harlowe has told the whole family that he will alter, and +new-settle his will. Mr. Antony Harlowe is resolved to do the same by +his; for, it seems, he has now given over all thoughts of changing his +condition, having lately been disappointed in a view he had of that sort +with Mrs. Howe. These two brothers generally act in concert; and Mr. +James Harlowe dreads (and let me tell you, that he has reason for it, on +my Mr. Harlowe's account) that his younger sister will be, at last, more +benefited than he wishes for, by the alteration intended. He has already +been endeavouring to sound his uncle Harlowe on this subject; and wanted +to know whether any new application had been made to him on his sister's +part. Mr. Harlowe avoided a direct answer, and expressed his wishes for +a general reconciliation, and his hopes that his niece were married. +This offended the furious young man, and he reminded his uncle of +engagements they had all entered into at his sister's going away, not to +be reconciled but by general consent. + +Mr. John Harlowe complains to me often of the uncontroulableness of his +nephew; and says, that now that the young man has not any body of whose +superior sense he stands in awe, he observes not decency in his behaviour +to any of them, and this makes my Mr. Harlowe still more desirous than +ever of bringing his younger niece into favour again. I will not say all +I might of this young man's extraordinary rapaciousness:--but one would +think, that these grasping men expect to live for ever! + +'I took the liberty but within these two hours to propose to set on foot +(and offered my cover to) a correspondence between my friend and his +daughter-niece, as she still sometimes fondly calls her. She was +mistress of so much prudence, I said, that I was sure she could better +direct every thing to its desirable end, than any body else could. But +he said, he did not think himself entirely at liberty to take such a step +at present; and that it was best that he should have it in his power to +say, occasionally, that he had not any correspondence with her, or letter +from her. + +'You will see, Sir, from all this, the necessity of keeping our treaty an +absolute secret; and if the lady has mentioned it to her worthy friend +Miss Howe, I hope it is in confidence.' + +[And now, Sir, a few lines in answer to your's of Monday last.] + +[Mr. Harlowe was very well pleased with your readiness to come into his +proposal. But as to what you both desire, that he will be present at the +ceremony, he said, that his nephew watched all his steps so narrowly, +that he thought it was not practicable (if he were inclinable) to oblige +you: but that he consented, with all his heart, that I should be the +person whom he had stipulated should be privately present at the ceremony +on his part.] + +[However, I think, I have an expedient for this, if your lady continues +to be very desirous of her uncle's presence (except he should be more +determined than his answer to me seemed to import); of which I shall +acquaint you, and perhaps of what he says to it, when I have the pleasure +to see you in town. But, indeed, I think you have no time to lose. Mr. +Harlowe is impatient to hear, that you are actually one; and I hope I may +carry him down word, when I leave you next, that I saw the ceremony +performed.] + +[If any obstacle arises from the lady, (from you it cannot,) I shall be +tempted to think a little hardly of her punctilio.] + +Mr. Harlowe hopes, Sir, that you will rather take pains to avoid, than to +meet, this violent young man. He has the better opinion of you, let me +tell you, Sir, from the account I gave him of your moderation and +politeness; neither of which are qualities with his nephew. But we have +all of us something to amend. + +You cannot imagine how dearly my friend still loves this excellent niece +of his.--I will give you an instance of it, which affected me a good +deal---'If once more, said he, (the last time but one we were together,) +I can but see this sweet child gracing the upper end of my table, as +mistress of my house, in my allotted month; all the rest of my family +present but as her guests; for so I formerly would have it; and had her +mother's consent for it--' There he stopt; for he was forced to turn his +reverend face from me. Tears ran down his cheeks. Fain would he have +hid them: but he could not--'Yet--yet, said he--how--how--' [poor +gentleman, he perfectly sobbed,] 'how shall I be able to bear the first +meeting!' + +I bless God I am no hard-hearted man, Mr. Lovelace: my eyes showed to my +worthy friend, that he had no reason to be ashamed of his humanity before +me. + +I will put an end to this long epistle. Be pleased to make my +compliments acceptable to the most excellent of women; as well as believe +me to be, + +Dear Sir, +Your faithful friend, and humble servant, +ANTONY TOMLINSON. + + +*** + + +During the conversation between me and the women, I had planted myself at +the farthest end of the apartment we were in, over against the door, +which was open; and opposite to the lady's chamber-door, which was shut. +I spoke so low that it was impossible for her, at that distance, to hear +what we said; and in this situation I could see if her door was opened. + +I told the women, that what I had mentioned to my spouse of Lady Betty's +coming to town with her niece Montague, and of their intention to visit +my beloved, whom they had never seen, nor she them, was real; and that I +expected news of their arrival every hour. I then showed them copies of +the other two letters, which I had left with her; the one from Lady +Betty, the other from my cousin Montague.--And here thou mayest read them +if thou wilt. + +Eternally reproaching, eternally upbraiding me, are my impertinent +relations. But they are fond of occasions to find fault with me. Their +love, their love, Jack, and their dependence on my known good humour, are +their inducements. + + +TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ. +WED. MORN. JUNE 7. + +DEAR NEPHEW, + +I understand that at length all our wishes are answered in your happy +marriage. But I think we might as well have heard of it directly from +you, as from the round-about way by which we have been made acquainted +with it. Methinks, Sir, the power and the will we have to oblige you, +should not expose us the more to your slights and negligence. My brother +had set his heart upon giving to you the wife we have all so long wished +you to have. But if you were actually married at the time you made him +that request (supposing, perhaps, that his gout would not let him attend +you) it is but like you.*--If your lady had her reasons to wish it to be +private while the differences between her family and self continue, you +might nevertheless have communicated it to us with that restriction; and +we should have forborne the public manifestations of our joy upon an +event we have so long desired. + + +* I gave Mrs. Moore and Miss Rawlins room to think this reproach just, +Jack. + + +The distant way we have come to know it is by my steward; who is +acquainted with a friend of Captain Tomlinson, to whom that gentleman +revealed it: and he, it seems, had it from yourself and lady, with such +circumstances as leave it not to be doubted. + +I am, indeed, very much disobliged with you: so is Lady Sarah. But I +have a very speedy opportunity to tell you so in person; being obliged to +go to town to my old chancery affair. My cousin Leeson, who is, it +seems, removed to Albemarle-street, has notice of it. I shall be at her +house, where I bespeak your attendance of Sunday night. I have written +to my cousin Charlotte for either her, or her sister, to meet me at +Reading, and accompany me to town. I shall stay but a few days; my +business being matter of form only. On my return I shall pop upon Lord +M. at M. Hall, to see in what way his last fit has left him. + +Mean time, having told you my mind on your negligence, I cannot help +congratulating you both on the occasion.--Your fair lady particularly, +upon her entrance into a family which is prepared to admire and love her. + +My principal intention of writing to you (dispensing with the necessary +punctilio) is, that you may acquaint my dear new niece, that I will not +be denied the honour of her company down with me into Oxfordshire. I +understand that your proposed house and equipages cannot be soon ready. +She shall be with me till they are. I insist upon it. This shall make +all up. My house shall be her own. My servants and equipages her's. + +Lady Sarah, who has not been out of her own house for months, will oblige +me with her company for a week, in honour of a niece so dearly beloved, +as I am sure she will be of us all. + +Being but in lodgings in town, neither you nor your lady can require much +preparation. + +Some time on Monday I hope to attend the dear young lady, to make her my +compliments; and to receive her apology for your negligence: which, and +her going down with me, as I said before, shall be full satisfaction. +Mean time, God bless her for her courage, (tell her I say so;) and bless +you both in each other; and that will be happiness to us all-- +particularly to + +Your truly affectionate Aunt, +ELIZ. LAWRANCE. + + +TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ. + +DEAR COUSIN, + +At last, as we understand, there is some hope of you. Now does my good +Lord run over his bead-roll of proverbs; of black oxen, wild oats, long +lanes, and so forth. + +Now, Cousin, say I, is your time come; and you will be no longer, I hope, +an infidel either to the power or excellence of the sex you have +pretended hitherto so much as undervalue; nor a ridiculer or scoffer at +an institution which all sober people reverence, and all rakes, sooner or +later, are brought to reverence, or to wish they had. + +I want to see how you become your silken fetters: whether the charming +yoke sits light upon your shoulders. If with such a sweet yoke-fellow it +does not, my Lord, and my sister, as well as I, think that you will +deserve a closer tie about your neck. + +His Lordship is very much displeased, that you have not written him word +of the day, the hour, the manner, and every thing. But I ask him, how he +can already expect any mark of deference or politeness from you? He must +stay, I tell him, till that sign of reformation, among others, appear +from the influence and example of your lady: but that, if ever you will +be good for any thing, it will be quickly seen. And, O Cousin, what a +vast, vast journey have you to take from the dreary land of libertinism, +through the bright province of reformation, into the serene kingdom of +happiness!--You had need to lose no time. You have many a weary step to +tread, before you can overtake those travellers who set out for it from a +less remote quarter. But you have a charming pole-star to guide you; +that's your advantage. I wish you joy of it: and as I have never yet +expected any highly complaisant thing from you, I make no scruple to +begin first; but it is purely, I must tell you, in respect to my new +cousin; whose accession into our family we most heartily congratulate and +rejoice in. + +I have a letter from Lady Betty. She commands either my attendance or my +sister's to my cousin Leeson's. She puts Lord M. in hopes, that she +shall certainly bring down with her our lovely new relation; for she +says, she will not be denied. His Lordship is the willinger to let me be +the person, as I am in a manner wild to see her; my sister having two +years ago had that honour at Sir Robert Biddulph's. So get ready to +accompany us in our return; except your lady had objections strong enough +to satisfy us all. Lady Sarah longs to see her; and says, This accession +to the family will supply to it the loss of her beloved daughter. + +I shall soon, I hope, pay my compliments to the dear lady in person: so +have nothing to add, but that I am + +Your old mad Playfellow and Cousin, +CHARLOTTE MONTAGUE. + + +*** + + +The women having read the copies of these two letters, I thought that I +might then threaten and swagger--'But very little heart have I, said I, +to encourage such a visit from Lady Betty and Miss Montague to my spouse. +For after all, I am tired out with her strange ways. She is not what she +was, and (as I told her in your hearing, Ladies) I will leave this plaguy +island, though the place of my birth, and though the stake I have in it +is very considerable, and go and reside in France or Italy, and never +think of myself as a married man, nor live like one.' + +O dear! said one. + +That would be a sad thing! said the other. + +Nay, Madam, [turning to Mrs. Moore,]--Indeed, Madam, [to Miss Rawlins,]-- +I am quite desperate. I can no longer bear such usage. I have had the +good fortune to be favoured by the smiles of very fine ladies, though I +say it [and I looked very modest] both abroad and at home--[Thou knowest +this to be true, Jack]. With regard to my spouse here, I have but one +hope left, (for as to the reconciliation with her friends, I left, I +scorn them all too much to value that, but for her sake,) and that was, +that if it pleased God to bless us with children, she might entirely +recover her usual serenity; and we might then be happy. But the +reconciliation her heart was so much set upon, is now, as I hinted +before, entirely hopeless--made so, by this rash step of her's, and by +the rash temper she is in; since (as you will believe) her brother and +sister, when they come to know it, will make a fine handle of it against +us both;--affecting, as they do at present, to disbelieve our marriage-- +and the dear creature herself too ready to countenance such a disbelief +--as nothing more than the ceremony--as nothing more--hem!--as nothing +more than the ceremony-- + +Here, as thou wilt perceive, I was bashful; for Miss Rawlins, by her +preparatory primness, put me in mind that it was proper to be so-- + +I turned half round; then facing the fan-player, and the matron--you +yourselves, Ladies, knew not what to believe till now, that I have told +you our story; and I do assure you, that I shall not give myself the same +trouble to convince people I hate; people from whom I neither expect nor +desire any favour; and who are determined not to be convinced. And what, +pray, must be the issue, when her uncle's friend comes, although he seems +to be a truly worthy man? It is not natural for him to say, 'To what +purpose, Mr. Lovelace, should I endeavour to bring about a reconciliation +between Mrs. Lovelace and her friends, by means of her elder uncle, when +a good understanding is wanting between yourselves?'--A fair inference, +Mrs. Moore!--A fair inference, Miss Rawlins.--And here is the +unhappiness--till she is reconciled to them, this cursed oath, in her +notion, is binding. + +The women seemed moved; for I spoke with great earnestness, though +low--and besides, they love to have their sex, and its favours, appear of +importance to us. They shook their deep heads at each other, and looked +sorrowful: and this moved my tender heart too. + +'Tis an unheard-of case, Ladies--had she not preferred me to all +mankind--There I stopped--and that, resumed I, feeling for my +handkerchief, is what staggered Captain Tomlinson when he heard of her +flight; who, the last time he saw us together, saw the most affectionate +couple on earth!--the most affectionate couple on earth!--in the +accent-grievous, repeated I. + +Out then I pulled my handkerchief, and putting it to my eyes, arose, and +walked to the window--It makes me weaker than a woman, did I not love +her, as never man loved his wife! [I have no doubt but I do, Jack.] + +There again I stopt; and resuming--Charming creature, as you see she is, +I wish I had never beheld her face!--Excuse me, Ladies; traversing the +room, and having rubbed my eyes till I supposed them red, I turned to the +women; and, pulling out my letter-case, I will show you one letter--here +it is--read it, Miss Rawlins, if you please--it will confirm to you how +much all my family are prepared to admire her. I am freely treated in +it;--so I am in the two others: but after what I have told you, nothing +need be a secret to you two. + +She took it, with an air of eager curiosity, and looked at the seal, +ostentatiously coroneted; and at the superscription, reading out, To +Robert Lovelace, Esq.--Ay, Madam--Ay, Miss, that's my name, [giving +myself an air, though I had told it to them before,] I am not ashamed of +it. My wife's maiden name--unmarried name, I should rather say--fool +that I am!--and I rubbed my cheek for vexation [Fool enough in +conscience, Jack!] was Harlowe--Clarissa Harlowe--you heard me call her +my Clarissa-- + +I did--but thought it to be a feigned or love-name, said Miss Rawlins. + +I wonder what is Miss Rawlins's love-name, Jack. Most of the fair +romancers have in their early womanhood chosen love-names. No parson +ever gave more real names, than I have given fictitious ones. And to +very good purpose: many a sweet dear has answered me a letter for the +sake of owning a name which her godmother never gave her. + +No--it was her real name, I said. + +I bid her read out the whole letter. If the spelling be not exact, Miss +Rawlins, said I, you will excuse it; the writer is a lord. But, perhaps, +I may not show it to my spouse; for if those I have left with her have no +effect upon her, neither will this: and I shall not care to expose my +Lord M. to her scorn. Indeed I begin to be quite careless of +consequences. + +Miss Rawlins, who could not but be pleased with this mark of my +confidence, looked as if she pitied me. + +And here thou mayest read the letter, No. III. + + +*** + + +TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ. +M. HALL, WEDN. JUNE 7. + +COUSIN LOVELACE, + +I think you might have found time to let us know of your nuptials being +actually solemnized. I might have expected this piece of civility from +you. But perhaps the ceremony was performed at the very time that you +asked me to be your lady's father--but I should be angry if I proceed in +my guesses--and little said is soon amended. + +But I can tell you, that Lady Betty Lawrance, whatever Lady Sarah does, +will not so soon forgive you, as I have done. Women resent slights +longer than men. You that know so much of the sex (I speak it not, +however, to your praise) might have known that. But never was you before +acquainted with a lady of such an amiable character. I hope there will +be but one soul between you. I have before now said, that I will +disinherit you, and settle all I can upon her, if you prove not a good +husband to her. + +May this marriage be crowned with a great many fine boys (I desire no +girls) to build up again a family so antient! The first boy shall take +my surname by act of parliament. That is my will. + +Lady Betty and niece Charlotte will be in town about business before you +know where you are. They long to pay their compliments to your fair +bride. I suppose you will hardly be at The Lawn when they get to town; +because Greme informs me, you have sent no orders there for your lady's +accommodation. + +Pritchard has all things in readiness for signing. I will take no +advantage of your slights. Indeed I am too much used to them--more +praise to my patience than to your complaisance, however. + +One reason for Lady Betty's going up, as I may tell you under the rose, +is, to buy some suitable presents for Lady Sarah and all of us to make +on this agreeable occasion. + +We would have blazed it away, could we have had timely notice, and +thought it would have been agreeable to all round. The like occasions +don't happen every day. + +My most affectionate compliments and congratulations to my new niece, +conclude me, for the present, in violent pain, that with all your +heroicalness would make you mad, + +Your truly affectionate uncle, +M. + + +*** + + +This letter clench'd the nail. Not but that, Miss Rawlins said, she saw +I had been a wild gentleman; and, truly she thought so the moment she +beheld me. + +They began to intercede for my spouse, (so nicely had I turned the +tables;) and that I would not go abroad and disappoint a reconciliation +so much wished for on one side, and such desirable prospects on the other +in my own family. + +Who knows, thought I to myself, but more may come of this plot, than I +had even promised myself? What a happy man shall I be, if these women +can be brought to join to carry my marriage into consummation! + +Ladies, you are exceedingly good to us both. I should have some hopes, +if my unhappily nice spouse could be brought to dispense with the +unnatural oath she has laid me under. You see what my case is. Do you +think I may not insist upon her absolving me from this abominable oath? +Will you be so good as to give your advice, that one apartment may serve +for a man and his wife at the hour of retirement?--[Modestly put, +Belford!--And let me here observe, that few rakes would find a language +so decent as to engage modest women to talk with him in, upon such +subjects.] + +They both simpered, and looked upon one another. + +These subjects always make women simper, at least. No need but of the +most delicate hints to them. A man who is gross in a woman's company, +ought to be knocked down with a club: for, like so many musical +instruments, touch but a single wire, and the dear souls are sensible +all over. + +To be sure, Miss Rawlins learnedly said, playing with her fan, a casuist +would give it, that the matrimonial vow ought to supercede any other +obligation. + +Mrs. Moore, for her part, was of opinion, that, if the lady owned herself +to be a wife, she ought to behave like one. + +Whatever be my luck, thought I, with this all-eyed fair-one, any other +woman in the world, from fifteen to five-and-twenty, would be mine upon +my own terms before the morning. + +And now, that I may be at hand to take all advantages, I will endeavour, +said I to myself, to make sure of good quarters. + +I am your lodger, Mrs. Moore, in virtue of the earnest I have given you +for these apartments, and for any one you can spare above for my +servants. Indeed for all you have to spare--For who knows what my +spouse's brother may attempt? I will pay you to your own demand; and +that for a month or two certain, (board included,) as I shall or shall +not be your hindrance. Take that as a pledge; or in part of payment-- +offering her a thirty pound bank note. + +She declined taking it; desiring she might consult the lady first; +adding, that she doubted not my honour; and that she would not let her +apartments to any other person, whom she knew not something of, while I +and the lady were here. + +The Lady! The Lady! from both women's mouth's continually (which still +implied a doubt in their hearts): and not Your Spouse, and Your Lady, +Sir. + +I never met with such women, thought I:--so thoroughly convinced but this +moment, yet already doubting--I am afraid I have a couple of skeptics to +deal with. + +I knew no reason, I said, for my wife to object to my lodging in the same +house with her here, any more than in town, at Mrs. Sinclair's. But were +she to make such objection, I would not quit possession since it was not +unlikely that the same freakish disorder which brought her to Hampstead, +might carry her absolutely out of my knowledge. + +They both seemed embarrassed; and looked upon one another; yet with such +an air, as if they thought there was reason in what I said. And I +declared myself her boarder, as well as lodger; and dinner-time +approaching, was not denied to be the former. + + + +LETTER XXV + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. + + +I thought it was now high time to turn my whole mind to my beloved; who +had had full leisure to weigh the contents of the letters I had left with +her. + +I therefore requested Mrs. Moore to step in, and desire to know whether +she would be pleased to admit me to attend her in her apartment, on +occasion of the letters I had left with her; or whether she would favour +me with her company in the dining-room? + +Mrs. Moore desired Miss Rawlins to accompany her in to the lady. They +tapped at the door, and were both admitted. + +I cannot but stop here for one minute to remark, though against myself, +upon that security which innocence gives, that nevertheless had better +have in it a greater mixture of the serpent with the dove. For here, +heedless of all I could say behind her back, because she was satisfied +with her own worthiness, she permitted me to go on with my own story, +without interruption, to persons as great strangers to her as me; and +who, as strangers to both, might be supposed to lean to the side most +injured; and that, as I managed it, was to mine. A dear, silly soul, +thought I, at the time, to depend upon the goodness of her own heart, +when the heart cannot be seen into but by its actions; and she, to +appearance, a runaway, an eloper, from a tender, a most indulgent +husband!--To neglect to cultivate the opinion of individuals, when the +whole world is governed by appearance! + +Yet what can be expected of an angel under twenty?--She has a world of +knowledge:--knowledge speculative, as I may say, but no experience.--How +should she?--Knowledge by theory only is a vague, uncertain light: a Will +o' the Wisp, which as often misleads the doubting mind, as puts it right. + +There are many things in the world, could a moralizer say, that would +afford inexpressible pleasure to a reflecting mind, were it not for the +mixture they come to us with. To be graver still, I have seen parents, +[perhaps my own did so,] who delighted in those very qualities in their +children while young, the natural consequences of which, (too much +indulged and encouraged,) made them, as they grew up, the plague of their +hearts.--To bring this home to my present purpose, I must tell thee, that +I adore this charming creature for her vigilant prudence; but yet I would +not, methinks, wish her, by virtue of that prudence, which is, however, +necessary to carry her above the devices of all the rest of the world, to +be too wise for mine. + +My revenge, my sworn revenge, is, nevertheless, (adore her as I will,) +uppermost in my heart.--Miss Howe says that my love is a Herodian love.* +By my soul, that girl's a witch! I am half sorry to say, that I find a +pleasure in playing the tyrant over what I love. Call it an ungenerous +pleasure, if thou wilt: softer hearts than mine know it. The women, to a +woman, know it, and show it too, whenever they are trusted with power. +And why should it be thought strange, that I, who love them so dearly, +and study them so much, should catch the infection of them? + + +* See Letter XX. of this volume. + + + +LETTER XXVI + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. + + +I will now give thee the substance of the dialogue that passed between +the two women and the lady. Wonder not, that a perverse wife makes a +listening husband. The event, however, as thou wilt find, justified the +old observation, That listners seldom hear good of themselves. Conscious +of their own demerits, if I may guess by myself, [There's ingenuousness, +Jack!] and fearful of censure, they seldom find themselves disappointed. +There is something of sense, after all in these proverbs, in these +phrases, in this wisdom of nations. + +Mrs. Moore was to be the messenger, but Miss Rawlins began the dialogue. + +Your SPOUSE, Madam,--[Devil!--only to fish for a negative or affirmative +declaration.] + +Cl. My spouse, Madam-- + +Miss R. Mr. Lovelace, Madam, avers that you are married to him; and +begs admittance, or your company in the dining-room, to talk upon the +subject of the letters he left with you. + +Cl. He is a poor wicked wretch. Let me beg of you, Madam, to favour me +with your company as often as possible while he is hereabouts, and I +remain here. + +Miss R. I shall with pleasure attend you, Madam: but, methinks, I could +wish you would see the gentleman, and hear what he has to say on the +subject of the letters. + +Cl. My case is a hard, a very hard one--I am quite bewildered!-I know +not what to do!--I have not a friend in the world that can or will help +me! Yet had none but friends till I knew that man! + +Miss R. The gentleman neither looks nor talks like a bad man.--Not a +very bad man, as men go. + +As men go! Poor Miss Rawlins, thought I; and dost thou know how men go? + +Cl. O Madam, you know him not! He can put on the appearance of an +angel of light; but has a black, a very black heart! + +Poor I!-- + +Miss R. I could not have thought it, truly! But men are very +deceitful, now-a-days. + +Now-a-days!--A fool!--Have not her history-books told her that they were +always so? + +Mrs. Moore, sighing. I have found it so, I am sure, to my cost!-- + +Who knows but in her time poor goody Moore may have met with a Lovelace, +or a Belford, or some such vile fellow? My little harum-scarum beauty +knows not what strange histories every woman living, who has had the +least independence of will, could tell her, were such to be as +communicative as she is. But here's the thing--I have given her cause +enough of offence; but not enough to make her hold her tongue. + +Cl. As to the letters he has left with me, I know not what to say to +them: but am resolved never to have any thing to say to him. + +Miss R. If, Madam, I may be allowed to say so, I think you carry +matters very far. + +Cl. Has he been making a bad cause a good one with you, Madam?--That he +can do with those who know him not. Indeed I heard him talking, thought +not what he said, and am indifferent about it.--But what account does he +give of himself? + +I was pleased to hear this. To arrest, to stop her passion, thought I, +in the height of its career, is a charming presage. + +Then the busy Miss Rawlins fished on, to find out from her either a +confirmation or disavowal of my story--Was Lord M. my uncle? Did I court +her at first with the allowance of her friends, her brother excepted? +Had I a rencounter with that brother? Was she so persecuted in favour of +a very disagreeable man, one Solmes, as to induce her to throw herself +into my protection? + +None of these were denied. All the objections she could have made, were +stifled, or kept in, by the considerations, (as she mentioned,) that she +should stay there but a little while, and that her story was too long; +but Miss Rawlins would not be thus easily answered. + +Miss R. He says, Madam, that he could not prevail for marriage, till he +had consented, under a solemn oath, to separate beds, while your family +remained unreconciled. + +Cl. O the wretch! What can be still in his head, to endeavour to pass +these stories upon strangers? + +So no direct denial, thought I.--Admirable!--All will do by-and-by. + +Miss R. He has owned that an accidental fire had frightened you very +much on Wednesday night--and that--and that--an accidental fire had +frightened you--very much frightened you--last Wednesday night! + +Then, after a short pause--In short, he owned, that he had taken some +innocent liberties, which might have led to a breach of the oath you had +imposed upon him; and that this was the cause of your displeasure. + +I would have been glad to see how my charmer then looked.--To be sure she +was at a loss in her own mind, to justify herself for resenting so highly +an offence so trifling.--She hesitated--did not presently speak.--When +she did, she wished that she, (Miss Rawlins,) might never meet with any +man who would take such innocent liberties with her. + +Miss Rawlins pushed further. + +Your case, to be sure, Madam, is very particular: but if the hope of a +reconciliation with your own friends is made more distant by your leaving +him, give me leave to say, that 'tis pity--'tis pity--[I suppose the +maiden then primm'd, fann'd, and blush'd--'tis pity] the oath cannot be +dispensed with; especially as he owns he has not been so strict a liver. + +I could have gone in and kissed the girl. + +Cl. You have heard his story. Mine, as I told you before, is too long, +and too melancholy: my disorder on seeing the wretch is too great; and my +time here is too short, for me to enter upon it. And if he has any end +to serve by his own vindication, in which I shall not be a personal +sufferer, let him make himself appear as white as an angel, with all my +heart. + +My love for her, and the excellent character I gave her, were then +pleaded. + +Cl. Specious seducer!--Only tell me if I cannot get away from him by +some back way? + +How my heart then went pit-a-pat, to speak in the female dialect. + +Cl. Let me look out--[I heard the sash lifted up.]--Whither does that +path lead? Is there no possibility of getting to a coach? Surely he +must deal with some fiend, or how could he have found me out? Cannot I +steal to some neighbouring house, where I may be concealed till I can get +quite away? You are good people!--I have not been always among such!-- +O help me, help me, Ladies! [with a voice of impatience,] or I am ruined! + +Then pausing, Is that the way to Hendon? [pointing, I suppose.] Is +Hendon a private place?--The Hampstead coach, I am told, will carry +passengers thither. + +Mrs. Moore. I have an honest friend at Mill-Hill, [Devil fetch her! +thought I,] where, if such be your determination, Madam, and if you think +yourself in danger, you may be safe, I believe. + +Cl. Any where, if I can but escape from this man! Whither does that +path lead, out yonder?--What is that town on the right hand called? + +Mrs. Moore. Highgate, Madam. + +Miss R. On the side of the heath is a little village, called North-end. +A kinswoman of mine lives there. But her house is small. I am not sure +she could accommodate such a lady. + +Devil take her too! thought I,--I imagined that I had made myself a +better interest in these women. But the whole sex love plotting--and +plotters too, Jack. + +Cl. A barn, an outhouse, a garret, will be a palace to me, if it will +but afford me a refuge from this man! + +Her senses, thought I, are much livelier than mine.--What a devil have +I done, that she should be so very implacable? I told thee, Belford, all +I did: Was there any thing in it so very much amiss? Such prospects of a +family reconciliation before her too! To be sure she is a very sensible +lady! + +She then espied my new servant walking under the window, and asked if he +were not one of mine? + +Will. was on the look-out for old Grimes, [so is the fellow called whom +my beloved has dispatched to Miss Howe.] And being told that the man she +saw was my servant; I see, said she, that there is no escaping, unless +you, Madam, [to Miss Rawlins, I suppose,] can befriend me till I can get +farther. I have no doubt that the fellow is planted about the house to +watch my steps. But the wicked wretch his master has no right to +controul me. He shall not hinder me from going where I please. I will +raise the town upon him, if he molests me. Dear Ladies, is there no +back-door for me to get out at while you hold him in talk? + +Miss R. Give me leave to ask you, Madam, Is there no room to hope for +accommodation? Had you not better see him? He certainly loves you +dearly: he is a fine gentleman; you may exasperate him, and make matters +more unhappy for yourself. + +Cl. O Mrs. Moore! O Miss Rawlins! you know not the man! I wish not to +see his face, nor to exchange another word with him as long as I live. + +Mrs. Moore. I don't find, Miss Rawlins, that the gentleman has +misrepresented any thing. You see, Madam, [to my Clarissa,] how +respectful he is; not to come in till permitted. He certainly loves you +dearly. Pray, Madam, let him talk to you, as he wishes to do, on the +subject of his letters. + +Very kind of Mrs. Moore!--Mrs. Moore, thought I, is a very good woman. I +did not curse her then. + +Miss Rawlins said something; but so low that I could not hear what it +was. Thus it was answered. + +Cl. I am greatly distressed! I know not what to do!--But, Mrs. Moore, +be so good as to give his letters to him--here they are.--Be pleased to +tell him, that I wish him and Lady Betty and Miss Montague a happy +meeting. He never can want excuses to them for what has happened, any +more than pretences to those he would delude. Tell him, that he has +ruined me in the opinion of my own friends. I am for that reason the +less solicitous how I appear to his. + +Mrs. Moore then came to me; and I, being afraid that something would pass +mean time between the other two, which I should not like, took the +letters, and entered the room, and found them retired into the closet; my +beloved whispering with an air of earnestness to Miss Rawlins, who was +all attention. + +Her back was towards me; and Miss Rawlins, by pulling her sleeve, giving +intimation of my being there--Can I have no retirement uninvaded, Sir, +said she, with indignation, as if she were interrupted in some talk her +heart was in?--What business have you here, or with me?--You have your +letters; have you not? + +Lovel. I have, my dear; and let me beg of you to consider what you are +about. I every moment expect Captain Tomlinson here. Upon my soul, I +do. He has promised to keep from your uncle what has happened: but what +will he think if he find you hold in this strange humour? + +Cl. I will endeavour, Sir, to have patience with you for a moment or +two, while I ask you a few questions before this lady, and before Mrs. +Moore, [who just then came in,] both of whom you have prejudiced in your +favour by your specious stories:--Will you say, Sir, that we are married +together? Lay your hand upon your heart, and answer me, am I your wedded +wife? + +I am gone too far, thought I, to give up for such a push as this, home +one as it is. + +My dearest soul! how can you put such a question? It is either for your +honour or my own, that it should be doubted?--Surely, surely, Madam, you +cannot have attended to the contents of Captain Tomlinson's letter. + +She complained often of want of spirits throughout our whole contention, +and of weakness of person and mind, from the fits she had been thrown +into: but little reason had she for this complaint, as I thought, who was +able to hold me to it, as she did. I own that I was excessively +concerned for her several times. + +You and I! Vilest of Men!-- + +My name is Lovelace, Madam-- + +Therefore it is that I call you the vilest of men. [Was this pardonable, +Jack!]--You and I know the truth, the whole truth.--I want not to clear +up my reputation with these gentlewomen:--that is already lost with every +one I had most reason to value: but let me have this new specimen of what +you are capable of--say, wretch, (say, Lovelace, if thou hadst rather,) +art thou really and truly my wedded husband?--Say; answer without +hesitation. + +She trembled with impatient indignation; but had a wildness in her +manner, which I took some advantage of, in order to parry this cursed +thrust. And a cursed thrust it was; since, had I positively averred it, +she would never have believed any thing I said: and had I owned that I +was not married, I had destroyed my own plot, as well with the women as +with her; and could have no pretence for pursuing her, or hindering her +from going wheresoever she pleased. Not that I was ashamed to aver it, +had it been consistent with policy. I would not have thee think me such +a milk-sop neither. + +Lovel. My dearest love, how wildly you talk! What would you have me +answer? It is necessary that I should answer? May I not re-appeal this +to your own breast, as well as to Captain Tomlinson's treaty and letter? +You know yourself how matters stand between us.--And Captain Tomlinson-- + +Cl. O wretch! Is this an answer to my question? Say, are we married, +or are we not? + +Lovel. What makes a marriage, we all know. If it be the union of two +hearts, [there was a turn, Jack!] to my utmost grief, I must say that we +are not; since now I see you hate me. If it be the completion of +marriage, to my confusion and regret, I must own we are not. But, my +dear, will you be pleased to consider what answer half a dozen people +whence you came, could give to your question? And do not now, in the +disorder of your mind, and the height of passion, bring into question +before these gentlewomen a point you have acknowledged before those who +know us better. + +I would have whispered her about the treaty with her uncle, and about the +contents of the Captain's letter; but, retreating, and with a rejecting +hand, Keep thy distance, man, cried the dear insolent--to thine own heart +I appeal, since thou evadest me thus pitifully!--I own no marriage with +thee!--Bear witness, Ladies, I do not. And cease to torment me, cease to +follow me.--Surely, surely, faulty as I have been, I have not deserved to +be thus persecuted!--I resume, therefore, my former language: you have no +right to pursue me: you know you have not: begone then, and leave me to +make the best of my hard lot. O my dear, cruel father! said she, in a +violent fit of grief [falling upon her knees, and clasping her uplifted +hands together] thy heavy curse is completed upon thy devoted daughter! +I am punished, dreadfully punished, by the very wretch in whom I had +placed my wicked confidence! + +By my soul, Belford, the little witch with her words, but more by her +manner, moved me! Wonder not then that her action, her grief, her tears, +set the women into the like compassionate manifestations. + +Had I not a cursed task of it? + +The two women withdrew to the further end of the room, and whispered, a +strange case! There is no phrensy here--I just heard said. + +The charming creature threw her handkerchief over her head and neck, +continuing kneeling, her back towards me, and her face hid upon a chair, +and repeatedly sobbed with grief and passion. + +I took this opportunity to step to the women to keep them steady. + +You see, Ladies, [whispering,] what an unhappy man I am! You see what a +spirit this dear creature has!--All, all owing to her implacable +relations, and to her father's curse.--A curse upon them all! they have +turned the head of the most charming woman in the world! + +Ah! Sir, Sir, replied Miss Rawlins, whatever be the fault of her +relations, all is not as it should be between you and her. 'Tis plain +she does not think herself married: 'tis plain she does not: and if you +have any value for the poor lady, and would not totally deprive her of +her senses, you had better withdraw, and leave to time and cooler +consideration the event in your favour. + +She will compel me to this at last, I fear, Miss Rawlins; I fear she +will; and then we are both undone: for I cannot live without her; she +knows it too well: and she has not a friend who will look upon her: this +also she knows. Our marriage, when her uncle's friend comes, will be +proved incontestably. But I am ashamed to think I have given her room +to believe it no marriage: that's what she harps upon! + +Well, 'tis a strange case, a very strange one, said Miss Rawlins; and was +going to say further, when the angry beauty, coming towards the door, +said, Mrs. Moore, I beg a word with you. And they both stepped into the +dining-room. + +I saw her just before put a parcel into her pocket; and followed them +out, for fear she should slip away; and stepping to the stairs, that she +might not go by me, Will., cried I, aloud [though I knew he was not near] +--Pray, child, to a maid, who answered, call either of my servants to me. + +She then came up to me with a wrathful countenance: do you call your +servant, Sir, to hinder me, between you, from going where I please? + +Don't, my dearest life, misinterpret every thing I do. Can you think me +so mean and unworthy as to employ a servant to constrain you?--I call him +to send to the public-houses, or inns in this town, to inquire after +Captain Tomlinson, who may have alighted at some one of them, and be now, +perhaps, needlessly adjusting his dress; and I would have him come, were +he to be without clothes, God forgive me! for I am stabbed to the heart +by your cruelty. + +Answer was returned, that neither of my servants was in the way. + +Not in the way, said I!--Whither can the dogs be gone? + +O Sir! with a scornful air; not far, I'll warrant. One of them was under +the window just now; according to order, I suppose, to watch my steps-- +but I will do what I please, and go where I please; and that to your +face. + +God forbid, that I should hinder you in any thing that you may do with +safety to yourself! + +Now I verily believe that her design was to slip out, in pursuance of the +closet-whispering between her and Miss Rawlins; perhaps to Miss Rawlins's +house. + +She then stept back to Mrs. Moore, and gave her something, which proved +to be a diamond ring, and desired her [not whisperingly, but with an air +of defiance to me] that that might be a pledge for her, till she defrayed +her demands; which she should soon find means to do; having no more money +about her than she might have occasion for before she came to an +acquaintance's. + +Mrs. Moore would have declined taking it; but she would not be denied; +and then, wiping her eyes, she put on her gloves--nobody has a right to +stop me, said she!--I will go!--Whom should I be afraid of?--Her very +question, charming creature! testifying her fear. + +I beg pardon, Madam, [turning to Mrs. Moore, and courtesying,] for the +trouble I have given you.--I beg pardon, Madam, to Miss Rawlins, +[courtesying likewise to her,]--you may both hear of me in a happier +hour, if such a one fall to my lot--and God bless you both!--struggling +with her tears till she sobbed--and away was tripping. + +I stepped to the door: I put it to; and setting my back against it, took +her struggling hand--My dearest life! my angel! said I, why will you thus +distress me?--Is this the forgiveness which you so solemnly promised?-- + +Unhand me, Sir!--You have no business with me! You have no right over +me! You know you have not. + +But whither, whither, my dearest love, would you go!--Think you not that +I will follow you, were it to the world's end!--Whither would you go? + +Well do you ask me, whither I would go, who have been the occasion that I +have not a friend left!--But God, who knows my innocence, and my upright +intentions, will not wholly abandon me when I am out of your power; but +while I am in it, I cannot expect a gleam of the divine grace or favour +to reach me. + +How severe is this!--How shockingly severe!--Out of your presence, my +angry fair-one, I can neither hope for the one nor the other. As my +cousin Montague, in the letter you have read, observes, You are my polar +star and my guide, and if ever I am to be happy, either here or +hereafter, it must be in and by you. + +She would then have opened the door. But I, respectfully opposing her, +Begone, man! Begone, Mr. Lovelace! said she, stop not in my way. If you +would not that I should attempt the window, give me passage by the door; +for, once more, you have no right to detain me. + +Your resentments, my dearest life, I will own to be well grounded. I +will acknowledge that I have been all in fault. On my knee, [and down I +dropt,] I ask your pardon. And can you refuse to ratify your own +promise? Look forward to the happy prospect before us. See you not my +Lord M. and Lady Sarah longing to bless you, for blessing me, and their +whole family? Can you take no pleasure in the promised visit of Lady +Betty and my cousin Montague? And in the protection they offer you, if +you are dissatisfied with mine? Have you no wish to see your uncle's +friend? Stay only till Captain Tomlinson comes. Receive from him the +news of your uncle's compliance with the wishes of both. + +She seemed altogether distressed; was ready to sink; and forced to lean +against the wainscot, as I kneeled at her feet. A stream of tears at +last burst from her less indignant eyes. Good heaven! said she, lifting +up her lovely face, and clasped hands, what is at last to be my destiny? +Deliver me from this dangerous man; and direct me--I know not what to do, +what I can do, nor what I ought to do! + +The women, as I had owned our marriage to be but half completed, heard +nothing in this whole scene to contradict (not flagrantly to contradict) +what I had asserted. They believed they saw in her returning temper, and +staggered resolution, a love for me, which her indignation had before +suppressed; and they joined to persuade her to tarry till the Captain +came, and to hear his proposals; representing the dangers to which she +would be exposed; the fatigues she might endure; a lady of her +appearance, unguarded, unprotected. On the other hand they dwelt upon my +declared contrition, and on my promises; for the performance of which +they offered to be bound. So much had my kneeling humility affected +them. + +Women, Jack, tacitly acknowledge the inferiority of their sex, in the +pride they take to behold a kneeling lover at their feet. + +She turned from me, and threw herself into a chair. + +I arose and approached her with reverence. My dearest creature, said I, +and was proceeding, but, with a face glowing with conscious dignity, she +interrupted me--Ungenerous, ungrateful Lovelace! You know not the value +of the heart you have insulted! Nor can you conceive how much my soul +despises your meanness. But meanness must ever be the portion of the +man, who can act vilely! + +The women believing we were likely to be on better terms, retired. The +dear perverse opposed their going; but they saw I was desirous of their +absence; and when they had withdrawn, I once more threw myself at her +feet, and acknowledged my offences; implored her forgiveness for this one +time, and promised the most exact circumspection for the future. + +It was impossible for her she said to keep her memory and forgive me. +What hadst thou seen in the conduct of Clarissa Harlowe, that should +encourage such an insult upon her as thou didst dare to make? How meanly +must thou think of her, that thou couldst presume to be so guilty, and +expect her to be so weak as to forgive thee? + +I besought her to let me read over to her Captain Tomlinson's letter. I +was sure it was impossible she could have given it the requisite +attention. + +I have given it the requisite attention, said she; and the other letters +too. So that what I say is upon deliberation. And what have I to fear +from my brother and sister? They can but complete the ruin of my +fortunes with my father and uncles. Let them and welcome. You, Sir, I +thank you, have lowered my fortunes; but, I bless God, that my mind is +not sunk with my fortunes. It is, on the contrary, raised above fortune, +and above you; and for half a word they shall have the estate they envied +me for, and an acquittal from me of all the expectations from my family +that may make them uneasy. + +I lifted up my hands and eyes in silent admiration of her. + +My brother, Sir, may think me ruined; to the praise of your character, he +may think it impossible to be with you and be innocent. You have but too +well justified their harshest censures by every part of your conduct. +But now that I have escaped from you, and that I am out of the reach of +your mysterious devices, I will wrap myself up in mine own innocence, +[and then the passionate beauty folded her arms about herself,] and leave +to time, and to my future circumspection, the re-establishment of my +character. Leave me then, Sir, pursue me not!-- + +Good Heaven! [interrupting her]--and all this, for what?--Had I not +yielded to your entreaties, (forgive me, Madam,) you could not have +carried farther your resentments-- + +Wretch! Was it not crime enough to give occasion for those entreaties? +Wouldst thou make a merit to me, that thou didst not utterly ruin her +whom thou oughtest to have protected? Begone, man! (turning from me, her +face crimsoned over with passion.)--See me no more!--I cannot bear thee +in my sight!-- + +Dearest, dearest creature! + +If I forgive thee, Lovelace--And there she stopped.--To endeavour, +proceeded she, to endeavour by premeditation, by low contrivances, by +cries of Fire! to terrify a poor creature who had consented to take a +wretched chance with thee for life! + +For Heaven's sake,--offering to take her repulsing hand, as she was +flying from me towards the closet. + +What hast thou to do to plead for the sake of Heaven in thy favour!--O +darkest of human minds! + +Then turning from me, wiping her eyes, and again turning towards me, but +her sweet face half aside, What difficulties hast thou involved me in! +That thou hadst a plain path before thee, after thou hadst betrayed me +into thy power.--At once my mind takes in the whole of thy crooked +behaviour; and if thou thinkest of Clarissa Harlowe as her proud heart +tells her thou oughtest to think of her, thou wilt seek thy fortunes +elsewhere. How often hast thou provoked me to tell thee, that my soul +is above thee! + +For Heaven's sake, Madam, for a soul's sake, which it is in your power +to save from perdition, forgive me the past offence. I am the greatest +villain on earth if it was a premeditated one; yet I presume not to +excuse myself. On your mercy I throw myself. I will not offer at any +plea but that of penitence. See but Captain Tomlinson.--See but Lady +Betty and my cousin; let them plead for me; let them be guarantees for +my honour. + +If Captain Tomlinson come while I stay here, I may see him; but as for +you, Sir-- + +Dearest creature! let me beg of you not to aggravate my offence to the +Captain when he comes. Let me beg of you-- + +What askest thou? It is not that I shall be of party against myself? +That I shall palliate-- + +Do not charge me, Madam, interrupted I, with villainous premeditation! +--Do not give such a construction to my offence as may weaken your +uncle's opinion--as may strengthen your brother's-- + +She flung from me to the further end of the room, [she could go no +further,] and just then Mrs. Moore came up, and told her that dinner was +ready, and that she had prevailed upon Miss Rawlins to give her her +company. + +You must excuse me, Mrs. Moore, said she. Miss Rawlins I hope also will +--but I cannot eat--I cannot go down. As for you, Sir, I suppose you +will think it right to depart hence; at least till the gentleman comes +whom you expect. + +I respectfully withdrew into the next room, that Mrs. Moore might +acquaint her, (I durst not myself,) that I was her lodger and boarder, +as, whisperingly, I desired that she would; and meeting Miss Rawlins in +the passage, Dearest Miss Rawlins, said I, stand my friend; join with Mrs. +Moore to pacify my spouse, if she has any new flights upon my having +taken lodgings, and intending to board here. I hope she will have more +generosity than to think of hindering a gentlewoman from letting her +lodgings. + +I suppose Mrs. Moore, (whom I left with my fair-one,) had apprized her of +this before Miss Rawlins went in; for I heard her say, while I withheld +Miss Rawlins,--'No, indeed: he is much mistaken--surely he does not think +I will.' + +They both expostulated with her, as I could gather from bits and scraps +of what they said; for they spoke so low, that I could not hear any +distinct sentence, but from the fair perverse, whose anger made her +louder. And to this purpose I heard her deliver herself in answer to +different parts of their talk to her:--'Good Mrs. Moore, dear Miss +Rawlins, press me no further:--I cannot sit down at table with him!' + +They said something, as I suppose in my behalf--'O the insinuating +wretch! What defence have I against a man, who, go where I will, can +turn every one, even of the virtuous of my sex, in his favour?' + +After something else said, which I heard not distinctly--'This is +execrable cunning!--Were you to know his wicked heart, he is not without +hope of engaging you two good persons to second him in the vilest of his +machinations.' + +How came she, (thought I, at the instant,) by all this penetration? My +devil surely does not play me booty. If I thought he did, I would marry, +and live honest, to be even with him. + +I suppose then they urged the plea which I hinted to Miss Rawlins at +going in, that she would not be Mrs. Moore's hindrance; for thus she +expressed herself--'He will no doubt pay you your own price. You need +not question his liberality; but one house cannot hold us.--Why, if it +would, did I fly from him, to seek refuge among strangers?' + +Then, in answer to somewhat else they pleaded--''Tis a mistake, Madam; +I am not reconciled to him, I will believe nothing he says. Has he not +given you a flagrant specimen of what a man he is, and of what his is +capable, by the disguises you saw him in? My story is too long, and my +stay here will be but short; or I could convince you that my resentments +against him are but too well founded.' + +I suppose that they pleaded for her leave for my dining with them; for +she said--'I have nothing to say to that: it is your own house, Mrs. +Moore--it is your own table--you may admit whom you please to it, only +leave me at my liberty to choose my company.' + +Then, in answer, as I suppose, to their offer of sending her up a plate-- +'A bit of bread, if you please, and a glass of water; that's all I can +swallow at present. I am really very much discomposed. Saw you not how +bad I was? Indignation only could have supported my spirits!-- + +'I have no objections to his dining with you, Madam;' added she, in +reply, I suppose, to a farther question of the same nature--'But I will +not stay a night in the same house where he lodges.' + +I presume Miss Rawlins had told her that she would not stay dinner: for +she said,--'Let me not deprive Mrs. Moore of your company, Miss Rawlins. +You will not be displeased with his talk. He can have no design upon +you.' + +Then I suppose they pleaded what I might say behind her back, to make my +own story good:--'I care not what he says or what he thinks of me. +Repentance and amendment are all the harm I wish him, whatever becomes of +me!' + +By her accent she wept when she spoke these last words. + +They came out both of them wiping their eyes; and would have persuaded me +to relinquish the lodgings, and to depart till her uncle's friend came. +But I knew better. I did not care to trust the Devil, well as she and +Miss Howe suppose me to be acquainted with him, for finding her out +again, if once more she escaped me. + +What I am most afraid of is, that she will throw herself among her own +relations; and, if she does, I am confident they will not be able to +withstand her affecting eloquence. But yet, as thou'lt see, the +Captain's letter to me is admirably calculated to obviate my +apprehensions on this score; particularly in that passage where it is +said, that her uncle thinks not himself at liberty to correspond directly +with her, or to receive applications from her--but through Captain +Tomlinson, as is strongly implied.* + + +* See Letter XXIV. of this volume. + + +I must own, (notwithstanding the revenge I have so solemnly vowed,) that +I would very fain have made for her a merit with myself in her returning +favour, and have owed as little as possible to the mediation of Captain +Tomlinson. My pride was concerned in this: and this was one of my +reasons for not bringing him with me.--Another was, that, if I were +obliged to have recourse to his assistance, I should be better able, (by +visiting without him,) to direct him what to say or do, as I should find +out the turn of her humour. + +I was, however, glad at my heart that Mrs. Moore came up so seasonably +with notice that dinner was ready. The fair fugitive was all in all. +She had the excuse for withdrawing, I had time to strengthen myself; the +Captain had time to come; and the lady to cool.--Shakspeare advises +well: + + Oppose not rage, whilst rage is in its force; + But give it way awhile, and let it waste. + The rising deluge is not stopt with dams; + Those it o'erbears, and drowns the hope of harvest. + But, wisely manag'd, its divided strength + Is sluic'd in channels, and securely drain'd: + And when its force is spent, and unsupply'd, + The residue with mounds may be restrain'd, + And dry-shod we may pass the naked ford. + +I went down with the women to dinner. Mrs. Moore sent her fair boarder +up a plate, but she only ate a little bit of bread, and drank a glass of +water. I doubted not but she would keep her word, when it was once gone +out. Is she not an Harlowe? She seems to be enuring herself to +hardships, which at the worst she can never know; since, though she +should ultimately refuse to be obliged to me, or (to express myself more +suitable to my own heart,) to oblige me, every one who sees her must +befriend her. + +But let me ask thee, Belford, Art thou not solicitous for me in relation +to the contents of the letter which the angry beauty had written and +dispatched away by man and horse; and for what may be Miss Howe's answer +to it? Art thou not ready to inquire, Whether it be not likely that Miss +Howe, when she knows of her saucy friend's flight, will be concerned +about her letter, which she must know could not be at Wilson's till after +that flight, and so, probably, would fall into my hands?-- + +All these things, as thou'lt see in the sequel, are provided for with as +much contrivance as human foresight can admit. + +I have already told thee that Will. is upon the lookout for old Grimes-- +old Grimes is, it seems, a gossiping, sottish rascal; and if Will. can +but light of him, I'll answer for the consequence; For has not Will. been +my servant upwards of seven years? + + + +LETTER XXVII + +MR. LOVELACE +[IN CONTINUATION.] + + +We had at dinner, besides Miss Rawlins, a young widow-niece of Mrs. +Moore, who is come to stay a month with her aunt--Bevis her name; very +forward, very lively, and a great admirer of me, I assure you;--hanging +smirkingly upon all I said; and prepared to approve of every word before +I spoke: and who, by the time we had half-dined, (by the help of what she +had collected before,) was as much acquainted with our story as either of +the other two. + +As it behoved me to prepare them in my favour against whatever might come +from Miss Howe, I improved upon the hint I had thrown out above-stairs +against that mischief-making lady. I represented her to be an arrogant +creature, revengeful, artful, enterprising, and one who, had she been a +man, would have sworn and cursed, and committed rapes, and played the +devil, as far as I knew: [I have no doubt of it, Jack!] but who, by +advantage of a female education, and pride and insolence, I believed was +personally virtuous. + +Mrs. Bevis allowed, that there was a vast deal in education--and in +pride too, she said. While Miss Rawlins came with a prudish God forbid +that virtue should be owing to education only! However, I declared that +Miss Howe was a subtle contriver of mischief; one who had always been my +enemy: her motives I knew not: but despised the man whom her mother was +desirous she should have, one Hickman; although I did not directly aver +that she would rather have had me; yet they all immediately imagined that +that was the ground of her animosity to me, and of her envy to my +beloved: and it was pity, they said, that so fine a young lady did not +see through such a pretended friend. + +And yet nobody [added I] has more reason than she to know by experience +the force of a hatred founded in envy; as I hinted to you above, Mrs. +Moore, and to you, Miss Rawlins, in the case of her sister Arabella. + +I had compliments made to my person and talents on this occasion: which +gave me a singular opportunity of displaying my modesty, by disclaiming +the merit of them, with a No, indeed!--I should be very vain, Ladies, if +I thought so. While thus abusing myself, and exalting Miss Howe, I got +their opinion both for modesty and generosity; and had all the graces +which I disclaimed thrown in upon me besides. + +In short, they even oppressed that modesty, which (to speak modestly of +myself) their praises created, by disbelieving all I said against myself. + +And, truly, I must needs say, they have almost persuaded even me myself, +that Miss Howe is actually in love with me. I have often been willing to +hope this. And who knows but she may? The Captain and I have agreed, +that it shall be so insinuated occasionally--And what's thy opinion, +Jack? She certainly hates Hickman; and girls who are disengaged seldom +hate, though they may not love: and if she had rather have another, why +not that other ME? For am I not a smart fellow, and a rake? And do not +your sprightly ladies love your smart fellow, and your rakes? And where +is the wonder, that the man who could engage the affections of Miss +Harlowe, should engage those of a lady (with her* alas's) who would be +honoured in being deemed her second? + + +* See Letter XX. of this volume, where Miss Howe says, Alas! my dear, I +know you loved him! + + +Nor accuse thou me of SINGULAR vanity in this presumption, Belford. Wert +thou to know the secret vanity that lurks in the hearts of those who +disguise or cloke it best, thou wouldst find great reason to acquit, at +least, to allow for me: since it is generally the conscious over-fulness +of conceit, that makes the hypocrite most upon his guard to conceal it. +Yet with these fellows, proudly humble as they are, it will break out +sometimes in spite of their clokes, though but in self-denying, +compliment-begging self-degradation. + +But now I have undervalued myself, in apologizing to thee on this +occasion, let me use another argument in favour of my observation, that +the ladies generally prefer a rake to a sober man; and of my presumption +upon it, that Miss Howe is in love with me: it is this: common fame says, +That Hickman is a very virtuous, a very innocent fellow--a male-virgin, I +warrant!--An odd dog I always thought him. Now women, Jack, like not +novices. Two maidenheads meeting together in wedlock, the first child +must be a fool, is their common aphorism. They are pleased with a love +of the sex that is founded in the knowledge of it. Reason good; novices +expect more than they can possibly find in the commerce with them. The +man who knows them, yet has ardours for them, to borrow a word from Miss +Howe,* though those ardours are generally owing more to the devil within +him, than to the witch without him, is the man who makes them the highest +and most grateful compliment. He knows what to expect, and with what to +be satisfied. + + +* See Vol. IV. Letters XXIX. and XXXIV. + + +Then the merit of a woman, in some cases, must be ignorance, whether real +or pretended. The man, in these cases, must be an adept. Will it then +be wondered at, that a woman prefers a libertine to a novice?--While she +expects in the one the confidence she wants, she considers the other and +herself as two parallel lines, which, though they run side by side, can +never meet. + +Yet in this the sex is generally mistaken too; for these sheepish fellows +are sly. I myself was modest once; and this, as I have elsewhere hinted +to thee,* has better enabled me to judge of both sexes. + + +* See Vol. III. Letter XXIII. + + +But to proceed with my narrative: + +Having thus prepared every one against any letter should come from Miss +Howe, and against my beloved's messenger returns, I thought it proper to +conclude that subject with a hint, that my spouse could not bear to have +any thing said that reflected upon Miss Howe; and, with a deep sigh, +added, that I had been made very unhappy more than once by the ill-will +of ladies whom I had never offended. + +The widow Bevis believed that might very easily be. Will. both without +and within, [for I intend he shall fall in love with widow Moore's maid, +and have saved one hundred pounds in my service, at least,] will be great +helps, as things may happen. + + + +LETTER XXVIII + +MR. LOVELACE +[IN CONTINUATION.] + + +We had hardly dined, when my coachman, who kept a look-out for Captain +Tomlinson, as Will. did for old Grimes, conducted hither that worthy +gentleman, attended by one servant, both on horseback. He alighted. I +went out to meet him at the door. + +Thou knowest his solemn appearance, and unblushing freedom; and yet canst +not imagine what a dignity the rascal assumed, nor how respectful to him +I was. + +I led him into the parlour, and presented him to the women, and them to +him. I thought it highly imported me (as they might still have some +diffidences about our marriage, from my fair-one's home-pushed questions +on that head) to convince them entirely of the truth of all I had +asserted. And how could I do this better, than by dialoguing a little +with him before them? + +Dear Captain, I thought you long; for I have had a terrible conflict with +my spouse. + +Capt. I am sorry that I am later than my intention--my account with my +banker--[There's a dog, Jack!] took me up longer time to adjust than I +had foreseen [all the time pulling down and stroking his ruffles]: for +there was a small difference between us--only twenty pounds, indeed, +which I had taken no account of. + +The rascal has not seen twenty pounds of his own these ten years. + +Then had we between us the character of the Harlowe family; I railed +against them all; the Captain taking his dear friend Mr. John Harlowe's +part; with a Not so fast!--not so fast, young gentleman!--and the like +free assumptions. + +He accounted for their animosity by my defiances: no good family, having +such a charming daughter, would care to be defied, instead of courted: he +must speak his mind: never was a double-tongued man.--He appealed to the +ladies, if he were not right? + +He got them on his side. + +The correction I had given the brother, he told me, must have aggravated +matters. + +How valiant this made me look to the women!--The sex love us mettled +fellows at their hearts. + +Be that as it would, I should never love any of the family but my spouse; +and wanting nothing from them, I would not, but for her sake, have gone +so far as I had gone towards a reconciliation. + +This was very good of me; Mrs. Moore said. + +Very good indeed; Miss Rawlins. + +Good;--It is more than good; it is very generous; said the widow. + +Capt. Why so it is, I must needs say: for I am sensible that Mr. +Lovelace has been rudely treated by them all--more rudely, than it could +have been imagined a man of his quality and spirit would have put up +with. But then, Sir, [turning to me,] I think you are amply rewarded in +such a lady; and that you ought to forgive the father for the daughter's +sake. + +Mrs. Moore. Indeed so I think. + +Miss R. So must every one think who has seen the lady. + +Widow B. A fine lady, to be sure! But she has a violent spirit; and +some very odd humours too, by what I have heard. The value of good +husbands is not known till they are lost! + +Her conscience then drew a sigh from her. + +Lovel. Nobody must reflect upon my angel!--An angel she is--some little +blemishes, indeed, as to her over-hasty spirit, and as to her unforgiving +temper. But this she has from the Harlowes; instigated too by that Miss +Howe.--But her innumerable excellencies are all her own. + +Capt. Ay, talk of spirit, there's a spirit, now you have named Miss +Howe! [And so I led him to confirm all I had said of that vixen.] Yet +she was to be pitied too; looking with meaning at me. + +As I have already hinted, I had before agreed with him to impute secret +love occasionally to Miss Howe, as the best means to invalidate all that +might come from her in my disfavour. + +Capt. Mr. Lovelace, but that I know your modesty, or you could give a +reason-- + +Lovel. Looking down, and very modest--I can't think so, Captain--but +let us call another cause. + +Every woman present could look me in the face, so bashful was I. + +Capt. Well, but as to our present situation--only it mayn't be proper-- +looking upon me, and round upon the women. + +Lovel. O Captain, you may say any thing before this company--only, +Andrew, [to my new servant, who attended us at table,] do you withdraw: +this good girl [looking at the maid-servant] will help us to all we want. + +Away went Andrew: he wanted not his cue; and the maid seemed pleased at +my honour's preference of her. + +Capt. As to our present situation, I say, Mr. Lovelace--why, Sir, we +shall be all untwisted, let me tell you, if my friend Mr. John Harlowe +were to know what that is. He would as much question the truth of your +being married, as the rest of the family do. + +Here the women perked up their ears; and were all silent attention. + +Capt. I asked you before for particulars, Mr. Lovelace; but you +declined giving them.--Indeed it may not be proper for me to be +acquainted with them.--But I must own, that it is past my comprehension, +that a wife can resent any thing a husband can do (that is not a breach +of the peace) so far as to think herself justified for eloping from him. + +Lovel. Captain Tomlinson:--Sir--I do assure you, that I shall be +offended--I shall be extremely concerned--if I hear that word eloping +mentioned again-- + +Capt. Your nicety and your love, Sir, may make you take offence--but it +is my way to call every thing by its proper name, let who will be +offended-- + +Thou canst not imagine, Belford, how brave and how independent the rascal +looked. + +Capt. When, young gentleman, you shall think proper to give us +particulars, we will find a word for this rash act in so admirable a +lady, that shall please you better.--You see, Sir, that being the +representative of my dear friend Mr. John Harlowe, I speak as freely as I +suppose he would do, if present. But you blush, Sir--I beg your pardon, +Mr. Lovelace: it becomes not a modest man to pry into those secrets, +which a modest man cannot reveal. + +I did not blush, Jack; but denied not the compliment, and looked down: +the women seemed delighted with my modesty: but the widow Bevis was more +inclined to laugh at me than praise me for it. + +Capt. Whatever be the cause of this step, (I will not again, Sir, call +it elopement, since that harsh word wounds your tenderness,) I cannot but +express my surprise upon it, when I recollect the affectionate behaviour, +to which I was witness between you, when I attended you last. Over-love, +Sir, I think you once mention--but over-love [smiling] give me leave to +say, Sir, it is an odd cause of quarrel--few ladies-- + +Lovel. Dear Captain!--And I tried to blush. + +The women also tried; and being more used to it, succeeded better.--Mrs. +Bevis indeed has a red-hot countenance, and always blushes. + +Miss R. It signifies nothing to mince the matter: but the lady above as +good as denies her marriage. You know, Sir, that she does; turning to +me. + +Capt. Denies her marriage! Heavens! how then have I imposed upon my +dear friend Mr. John Harlowe! + +Lovel. Poor dear!--But let not her veracity be called into question. +She would not be guilty of a wilful untruth for the world. + +Then I had all their praises again. + +Lovel. Dear creature!--She thinks she has reason for her denial. You +know, Mrs. Moore; you know, Miss Rawlins; what I owned to you above as my +vow. + +I looked down, and, as once before, turned round my diamond ring. + +Mrs. Moore looked awry, and with a leer at Miss Rawlins, as to her +partner in the hinted-at reference. + +Miss Rawlins looked down as well as I; her eyelids half closed, as if +mumbling a pater-noster, meditating her snuff-box, the distance between +her nose and chin lengthened by a close-shut mouth. + +She put me in mind of the pious Mrs. Fetherstone at Oxford, whom I +pointed out to thee once, among other grotesque figures, at St. Mary's +church, whither we went to take a view of her two sisters: her eyes shut, +not daring to trust her heart with them open; and but just half-rearing +her lids, to see who the next comer was; and falling them again, when her +curiosity was satisfied. + +The widow Bevis gazed, as if on the hunt for a secret. + +The Captain looked archly, as if half in the possession of one. + +Mrs. Moore at last broke the bashful silence. Mrs. Lovelace's behaviour, +she said, could be no otherwise so well accounted for, as by the ill +offices of that Miss Howe; and by the severity of her relations; which +might but too probably have affected her head a little at times: adding, +that it was very generous in me to give way to the storm when it was up, +rather than to exasperate at such a time. + +But let me tell you, Sirs, said the widow Bevis, that is not what one +husband in a thousand would have done. + +I desired, that no part of this conversation might be hinted to my +spouse; and looked still more bashfully. Her great fault, I must own, +was over-delicacy. + +The Captain leered round him; and said, he believed he could guess from +the hints I had given him in town (of my over-love) and from what had now +passed, that we had not consummated our marriage. + +O Jack! how sheepishly then looked, or endeavoured to look, thy friend! +how primly goody Moore! how affectedly Miss Rawlins!--while the honest +widow Bevis gazed around her fearless; and though only simpering with her +mouth, her eyes laughed outright, and seemed to challenge a laugh from +every eye in the company. + +He observed, that I was a phoenix of a man, if so; and he could not but +hope that all matters would be happily accommodated in a day or two; and +that then he should have the pleasure to aver to her uncle, that he was +present, as he might say, on our wedding-day. + +The women seemed all to join in the same hope. + +Ah, Captain! Ah, Ladies! how happy should I be, if I could bring my dear +spouse to be of the same mind! + +It would be a very happy conclusion of a very knotty affair, said the +widow Bevis; and I see not why we may not make this very night a merry +one. + +The Captain superciliously smiled at me. He saw plainly enough, he said, +that we had been at children's play hitherto. A man of my character, who +could give way to such a caprice as this, must have a prodigious value +for his lady. But one thing he would venture to tell me; and that was +this--that, however desirous young skittish ladies might be to have their +way in this particular, it was a very bad setting-out for the man; as it +gave his bride a very high proof of the power she had over him: and he +would engage, that no woman, thus humoured, ever valued the man the more +for it; but very much the contrary--and there were reasons to be given +why she should not. + +Well, well, Captain, no more of this subject before the ladies.--One +feels [shrugging my shoulders in a bashful try-to-blush manner] that one +is so ridiculous--I have been punished enough for my tender folly. + +Miss Rawlins had taken her fan, and would needs hide her face behind it-- +I suppose because her blush was not quite ready. + +Mrs. Moore hemmed, and looked down; and by that gave her's over. + +While the jolly widow, laughing out, praised the Captain as one of +Hudibras's metaphysicians, repeating, + + He knew what's what, and that's as high + As metaphysic wit can fly. + +This made Miss Rawlins blush indeed:--Fie, fie, Mrs. Bevis! cried she, +unwilling, I suppose, to be thought absolutely ignorant. + +Upon the whole, I began to think that I had not made a bad exchange of +our professing mother, for the unprofessing Mrs. Moore. And indeed the +women and I, and my beloved too, all mean the same thing: we only differ +about the manner of coming at the proposed end. + + + +LETTER XXIX + +MR. LOVELACE +[IN CONTINUATION.] + + +It was now high time to acquaint my spouse, that Captain Tomlinson was +come. And the rather, as the maid told us, that the lady had asked her +if such a gentleman [describing him] was not in the parlour? + +Mrs. Moore went up, and requested, in my name, that she would give us +audience. + +But she returned, reporting my beloved's desire, that Captain Tomlinson +would excuse her for the present. She was very ill. Her spirits were +too weak to enter into conversation with him; and she must lie down. + +I was vexed, and at first extremely disconcerted. The Captain was vexed +too. And my concern, thou mayest believe, was the greater on his +account. + +She had been very much fatigued, I own. Her fits in the morning must +have disordered her: and she had carried her resentment so high, that it +was the less wonder she should find herself low, when her raised spirits +had subsided. Very low, I may say; if sinkings are proportioned to +risings; for she had been lifted up above the standard of a common +mortal. + +The Captain, however, sent up his own name, that if he could be admitted +to drink one dish of tea with her, he should take it for a favour: and +would go to town, and dispatch some necessary business, in order, if +possible, to leave his morning free to attend her. + +But she pleaded a violent head-ache; and Mrs. Moore confirmed the plea to +be just. + +I would have had the Captain lodge there that night, as well in +compliment to him, as introductory to my intention of entering myself +upon my new-taken apartment: but his hours were of too much importance to +him to stay the evening. + +It was indeed very inconvenient for him, he said, to return in the +morning; but he is willing to do all in his power to heal this breach, +and that as well for the sakes of me and my lady, as for that of his dear +friend Mr. John Harlowe; who must not know how far this misunderstanding +had gone. He would therefore only drink one dish of tea with the ladies +and me. + +And accordingly, after he had done so, and I had had a little private +conversation with him, he hurried away. + +His fellow had given him, in the interim, a high character to Mrs. +Moore's servants: and this reported by the widow Bevis (who being no +proud woman, is hail fellow well met, as the saying is, with all her +aunt's servants) he was a fine gentleman, a discreet gentleman, a man of +sense and breeding, with them all: and it was pity, that, with such great +business upon his hands, he should be obliged to come again. + +My life for your's, audibly whispered the widow Bevis, there is humour as +well as head-ache in somebody's declining to see this worthy gentleman.-- +Ah, Lord! how happy might some people be if they would! + +No perfect happiness in this world, said I, very gravely, and with a +sigh; for the widow must know that I heard her. If we have not real +unhappiness, we can make it, even from the overflowings of our good +fortune. + +Very true, and very true, the two widows. A charming observation! Mrs. +Bevis. Miss Rawlins smiled her assent to it; and I thought she called me +in her heart charming man! for she professes to be a great admirer of +moral observations. + +I had hardly taken leave of the Captain, and sat down again with the +women, when Will. came; and calling me out, 'Sir, Sir,' said he, grinning +with a familiarity in his looks as if what he had to say entitled him to +take liberties; 'I have got the fellow down!--I have got old Grimes--hah, +hah, hah, hah!--He is at the Lower Flask--almost in the condition of +David's sow, and please your honour--[the dog himself not much better] +here is his letter--from--from Miss Howe--ha, ha, ha, ha,' laughed the +varlet; holding it fast, as if to make conditions with me, and to excite +my praises, as well as my impatience. + +I could have knocked him down; but he would have his say out--'old Grimes +knows not that I have the letter--I must get back to him before he misses +it--I only make a pretence to go out for a few minutes--but--but'--and +then the dog laughed again--'he must stay--old Grimes must stay--till I +go back to pay the reckoning.' + +D--n the prater; grinning rascal! The letter! The letter! + +He gathered in his wide mothe, as he calls it, and gave me the letter; +but with a strut, rather than a bow; and then sidled off like one of +widow Sorlings's dunghill cocks, exulting after a great feat performed. +And all the time that I was holding up the billet to the light, to try to +get at its contents without breaking the seal, [for, dispatched in a +hurry, it had no cover,] there stood he, laughing, shrugging, playing off +his legs; now stroking his shining chin, now turning his hat upon his +thumb! then leering in my face, flourishing with his head--O Christ! +now-and-then cried the rascal-- + +What joy has this dog in mischief!--More than I can have in the +completion of my most favourite purposes!--These fellows are ever happier +than their masters. + +I was once thinking to rumple up this billet till I had broken the seal. +Young families [Miss Howe's is not an ancient one] love ostentatious +sealings: and it might have been supposed to have been squeezed in pieces +in old Grimes's breeches-pocket. But I was glad to be saved the guilt as +well as suspicion of having a hand in so dirty a trick; for thus much of +the contents (enough for my purpose) I was enabled to scratch out in +character without it; the folds depriving me only of a few connecting +words, which I have supplied between hooks. + +My Miss Harlowe, thou knowest, had before changed her name to Miss +Laetitia Beaumont. Another alias now, Jack, to it; for this billet was +directed to her by the name of Mrs. Harriot Lucas. I have learned her to +be half a rogue, thou seest. + + +'I congratulate you, my dear, with all my heart and soul, upon [your +escape] from the villain. [I long] for the particulars of all. [My +mother] is out; but, expecting her return every minute, I dispatched +[your] messenger instantly. [I will endeavour to come at] Mrs. Townsend +without loss of time; and will write at large in a day or two, if in that +time I can see her. [Mean time I] am excessively uneasy for a letter I +sent you yesterday by Collins, [who must have left it at] Wilson's after +you got away. [It is of very] great importance. [I hope the] villain +has it not. I would not for the world [that he should.] Immediately +send for it, if, by doing so, the place you are at [will not be] +discovered. If he has it, let me know it by some way [out of] hand. If +not, you need not send. + +'Ever, ever your's, +'A.H. +'June 9.' + + +*** + + +O Jack! what heart's-ease does this interception give me!--I sent the +rascal back with the letter to old Grimes, and charged him to drink no +deeper. He owned, that he was half-seas over, as he phrased it. + +Dog! said I, are you not to court one of Mrs. Moore's maids to-night?-- + +Cry your mercy, Sir!--I will be sober.--I had forgot that--but old Grimes +is plaguy tough, I thought I should never have got him down. + +Away, villain! Let old Grimes come, and on horseback too, to the door-- + +He shall, and please your honour, if I can get him on the saddle, and if +he can sit-- + +And charge him not to have alighted, nor to have seen any body-- + +Enough, Sir, familiarly nodding his head, to show he took me. And away +went the villain--into the parlour, to the women, I. + +In a quarter of an hour came old Grimes on horseback, waving to his +saddle-bow, now on this side, now on that; his head, at others, joining +to that of his more sober beast. + +It looked very well to the women that I made no effort to speak to old +Grimes, (though I wished, before them, that I knew the contents of what +he brought;) but, on the contrary, desired that they would instantly let +my spouse know that her messenger was returned. + +Down she flew, violently as she had the head-ache! + +O how I prayed for an opportunity to be revenged of her for the +ungrateful trouble she had given to her uncle's friend! + +She took the letter from old Grimes with her own hands, and retired to an +inner parlour to read it. + +She presently came out again to the fellow, who had much ado to sit his +horse--Here is your money, friend.--I thought you long: but what shall I +do to get somebody to go to town immediately for me? I see you cannot. + +Old Grimes took his money, let fall his hat in doffing it; had it given +him, and rode away; his eyes isinglass, and set in his head, as I saw +through the window, and in a manner speechless--all his language hiccup. +My dog needed not to have gone so deep with this tough old Grimes. But +the rascal was in his kingdom with him. + +The lady applied to Mrs. Moore; she mattered not the price. Could a man +and horse be engaged for her?--Only to go for a letter left for her, at +one Mr. Wilson's, in Pall-mall. + +A poor neighbour was hired--a horse procured for him--he had his +directions. + +In vain did I endeavour to engaged my beloved, when she was below. Her +head-ache, I suppose, returned.--She, like the rest of her sex, can be +ill or well when she pleases. + +I see her drift, thought I; it is to have all her lights from Miss Howe +before she resolves, and to take her measures accordingly. + +Up she went expressing great impatience about the letter she had sent +for; and desired Mrs. Moore to let her know if I offered to send any one +of my servants to town--to get at the letter, I suppose, was her fear; +but she might have been quite easy on that head; and yet, perhaps, would +not, had she known that the worthy Captain Tomlinson, (who will be in +town before her messenger,) will leave there the important letter, which +I hope will help to pacify her, and reconcile her to me. + +O Jack, Jack! thinkest thou that I will take all this roguish pains, and +be so often called villain for nothing? + +But yet, is it not taking pains to come at the finest creature in the +world, not for a transitory moment only, but for one of our lives! The +struggle only, Whether I am to have her in my own way, or in her's? + +But now I know thou wilt be frightened out of thy wits for me--What, +Lovelace! wouldest thou let her have a letter that will inevitably blow +thee up; and blow up the mother, and all her nymphs!--yet not intend to +reform, nor intend to marry? + +Patience, puppy!--Canst thou not trust thy master? + + + +LETTER XXX + +MR. LOVELACE +[IN CONTINUATION.] + + +I went up to my new-taken apartment, and fell to writing in character, as +usual. I thought I had made good my quarters, but the cruel creature, +understanding that I intended to take up my lodgings there, declared with +so much violence against it, that I was obliged to submit, and to accept +of another lodging, about twelve doors off, which Mrs. Moore recommended. +And all the advantage I could obtain was, that Will., unknown to my +spouse, and for fear of a freak, should lie in the house. + +Mrs. Moore, indeed, was unwilling to disoblige either of us. But Miss +Rawlins was of opinion, that nothing more ought to be allowed me: and yet +Mrs. Moore owned, that the refusal was a strange piece of tyranny to a +husband, if I were a husband. + +I had a good mind to make Miss Rawlins smart for it. Come and see Miss +Rawlins, Jack.--If thou likest her, I'll get her for thee with a +wet-finger, as the saying is! + +The widow Bevis indeed stickled hard for me. [An innocent, or injured +man, will have friends every where.] She said, that to bear much with +some wives, was to be obliged to bear more; and I reflected, with a sigh, +that tame spirits must always be imposed upon. And then, in my heart, I +renewed my vows of revenge upon this haughty and perverse beauty. + +The second fellow came back from town about nine o'clock, with Miss +Howe's letter of Wednesday last. 'Collins, it seems, when he left it, +had desired, that it might be safely and speedily delivered into Miss +Laetitia Beaumont's own hands. But Wilson, understanding that neither +she nor I were in town, [he could not know of our difference thou must +think,] resolved to take care of it till our return, in order to give it +into one of our own hands; and now delivered it to her messenger.' + +This was told her. Wilson, I doubt not, is in her favour upon it. + +She took the letter with great eagerness; opened it in a hurry, [am glad +she did; yet, I believe, all was right,] before Mrs. Moore and Mrs. +Bevis, [Miss Rawlins was gone home;] and said, she would not for the +world that I should have had that letter, for the sake of her dear friend +the writer, who had written to her very uneasily about it. + +Her dear friend! repeated Mrs. Bevis, when she told me this:--such +mischief-makers are always deemed dear friends till they are found out! + +The widow says that I am the finest gentleman she ever beheld. + +I have found a warm kiss now-and-then very kindly taken. + +I might be a very wicked fellow, Jack, if I were to do all the mischief +in my power. But I am evermore for quitting a too-easy prey to reptile +rakes! What but difficulty, (though the lady is an angel,) engages me to +so much perseverance here?--And here, conquer or die! is now the +determination! + + +*** + +I have just now parted with this honest widow. She called upon me at my +new lodgings. I told her, that I saw I must be further obliged to her in +the course of this difficult affair. She must allow me to make her a +handsome present when all was happily over. But I desired that she would +take no notice of what should pass between us, not even to her aunt; for +that she, as I saw, was in the power of Miss Rawlins: and Miss Rawlins, +being a maiden gentlewoman, knew not the right and the fit in matrimonial +matters, as she, my dear widow, did. + +Very true: How should she? said Mrs. Bevis, proud of knowing--nothing! +But, for her part, she desired no present. It was enough if she could +contribute to reconcile man and wife, and disappoint mischief-makers. +She doubted not, that such an envious creature as Miss Howe was glad that +Mrs. Lovelace had eloped--jealousy and love was Old Nick! + +See, Belford, how charmingly things work between me and my new +acquaintance, the widow!--Who knows, but that she may, after a little +farther intimacy, (though I am banished the house on nights,) contrive a +midnight visit for me to my spouse, when all is still and fast asleep? + +Where can a woman be safe, who has once entered the lists with a +contriving and intrepid lover? + +But as to this letter, methinkest thou sayest, of Miss Howe? + +I knew thou wouldest be uneasy for me. But did not I tell thee that I +had provided for every thing? That I always took care to keep seals +entire, and to preserve covers?* Was it not easy then, thinkest thou, to +contrive a shorter letter out of a longer; and to copy the very words? + + +* See Letter XX. of this volume. + + +I can tell thee, it was so well ordered, that, not being suspected to +have been in my hands, it was not easy to find me out. Had it been my +beloved's hand, there would have been no imitating it for such a length. +Her delicate and even mind is seen in the very cut of her letters. Miss +Howe's hand is no bad one, but it is not so equal and regular. That +little devil's natural impatience hurrying on her fingers, gave, I +suppose, from the beginning, her handwriting, as well as the rest of her, +its fits and starts, and those peculiarities, which, like strong muscular +lines in a face, neither the pen, nor the pencil, can miss. + +Hast thou a mind tot see what it was I permitted Miss Howe to write to +her lovely friend? Why then, read it here, so extracted from her's of +Wednesday last, with a few additions of my own. The additions +underscored.* + + +* Editor's note: In place of italics, as in the original, I have +substituted hooks [ ]. + + +MY DEAREST FRIEND, + +You will perhaps think that I have been too long silent. But I had begun +two letters at different times since my last, and written a great deal +each time; and with spirit enough I assure you; incensed as I was against +the abominable wretch you are with; particularly on reading your's of the +21st of the past month. + +The FIRST I intended to keep open till I could give you some account of +my proceedings with Mrs. Townsend. It was some days before I saw her: +and this intervenient space giving me time to reperuse what I had +written, I thought it proper to lay that aside, and to write in a style a +little less fervent; for you would have blamed me, I knew, for the +freedom of some of my expressions, (execrations, if you please.) And +when I had gone a good way in the SECOND, and change your prospects, on +his communicating to you Miss Montague's letter, and his better +behaviour, occasioning a change in your mind, I laid that aside also. +And in this uncertainty thought I would wait to see the issue of affairs +between you before I wrote again; believing that all would soon be +decided one way or other. + + +*** + + +[Here I was forced to break off. I am too little my own mistress:--My +mother* is always up and down--and watching as if I were writing to a +fellow. What need I (she asks me,) lock myself in,** if I am only +reading past correspondencies? For that is my pretence, when she comes +poking in with her face sharpened to an edge, as I may say, by a +curiosity that gives her more pain than pleasure.--The Lord forgive me; +but I believe I shall huff her next time she comes in.] + + +* See Letter XX. of this volume. +** Ibid. + + +*** + + +Do you forgive me too, my dear--my mother ought; because she says I am my +father's girl; and because I am sure I am her's. + + +[Upon my life, my dear, I am sometimes of opinion, that this vile man was +capable of meaning you dishonour. When I look back upon his past conduct, +I cannot help, and verily believe, that he has laid aside such thoughts. +My reasons for both opinions I will give you.] + +[For the first: to-wit, that he had it once in his head to take you at +advantage if he could, I consider* that] pride, revenge, and a delight to +tread in unbeaten paths, are principal ingredients in the character of +this finished libertine. He hates all your family, yourself excepted-- +yet is a savage in love. His pride, and the credit which a few plausible +qualities, sprinkled among his odious ones, have given him, have secured +him too good a reception from our eye-judging, our undistinguishing, our +self--flattering, our too-confiding sex, to make assiduity and +obsequiousness, and a conquest of his unruly passions, any part of his +study. + +He has some reason for his animosity to all the men, and to one woman of +your family. He has always shown you, and his own family too, that he +prefers his pride to his interest. He is a declared marriage-hater; a +notorious intriguer; full of his inventions, and glorying in them.--As +his vanity had made him imagine that no woman could be proof against his +love, no wonder that he struggled like a lion held in toils,* against a +passion that he thought not returned.** Hence, perhaps, it is not +difficult to believe, that it became possible for such a wretch as this +to give way to his old prejudices against marriage; and to that revenge +which had always been a first passion with him.*** + + +* See Letter XX. of this volume. +** Ibid. +*** Ibid. + + +[And hence we may account for] his delays--his teasing ways--his bringing +you to bear with his lodging in the same house--his making you pass to +the other people of it as his wife--his bringing you into the company of +his libertine companions--the attempt of imposing upon you that Miss +Partington for a bedfellow, &c. + +[My reasons for a contrary opinion, to wit, that he is now resolved to do +you all the justice in his power to do you,] are these:--That he sees +that all his own family* have warmly engaged themselves in your cause: +that the horrid wretch loves you; with such a love, however, as Herod +loved his Mariamne: that, on inquiry, I find it to be true, that +Counsellor Williams, (whom Mr. Hickman knows to be a man of eminence in +his profession,) has actually as good as finished the settlements: that +two draughts of them have been made; one avowedly to be sent to this very +Captain Tomlinson:--and I find, that a license has actually been more +than once endeavoured to be obtained, and that difficulties have hitherto +been made, equally to Lovelace's vexation and disappointment. My +mother's proctor, who is very intimate with the proctor applied to by the +wretch, has come at this information in confidence; and hints, that, as +Mr. Lovelace is a man of high fortunes, these difficulties will probably +be got over. + + +* See Letter XX. of this volume. + + +[I had once resolved to make strict inquiry about Tomlinson; and still, +if you will, your uncle's favourite housekeeper may be sounded at a +distance.] + +[I know that the matter is so laid,*] that Mrs. Hodges is supposed to +know nothing of the treaty set on foot by means of Captain Tomlinson. +But your uncle is an-- + + +* See Letter XX. of this volume. + + +But your uncle is an old man;* and old men imagine themselves to be under +obligation to their paramours, if younger than themselves, and seldom +keep any thing from their knowledge.--Yet, methinks, there can be no +need; since Tomlinson, as you describe him, is so good a man, and so much +of a gentleman; the end to be answered by his being an impostor so much +more than necessary, if Lovelace has villany in his head.--And thus what +he communicated to you of Mr. Hickman's application to your uncle, and of +Mrs. Norton's to your mother (some of which particulars I am satisfied +his vile agent Joseph Leman could not reveal to his viler employer); his +pushing on the marriage-day in the name of your uncle; which it could not +answer any wicked purpose for him to do; and what he writes of your +uncle's proposal, to have it thought that you were married from the time +that you had lived in one house together; and that to be made to agree +with the time of Mr. Hickman's visit to your uncle; the insisting on a +trusty person's being present at the ceremony, at that uncle's nomination +--these things make me [assured that he now at last means honourably.] + + +* See Letter XX. of this volume. + + +[But if any unexpected delays should happen on his side, acquaint me, my +dear, with the very street where Mrs. Sinclair lives; and where Mrs. +Fretchville's house is situated (which I cannot find that you have ever +mentioned in your former letters--which is a little odd); and I will make +strict inquiries of them, and of Tomlinson too; and I will (if your heart +will let you take my advice) soon procure you a refuge from him with Mrs. +Townsend.] + +[But why do I now, when you seem to be in so good a train, puzzle and +perplex you with my retrospections? And yet they may be of use to you, +if any delay happen on his part.] + +[But that I think cannot well be. What you have therefore now to do, is +so to behave to this proud-spirited wretch, as may banish from his mind +all remembrance of] past disobligations,* and to receive his addresses, +as those of a betrothed lover. You will incur the censure of prudery and +affectation, if you keep him at that distance which you have hitherto +[kept him at.] His sudden (and as suddenly recovered) illness has given +him an opportunity to find out that you love him (Alas! my dear, I knew +you loved him!) He has seemed to change his nature, and is all love and +gentleness. [And no more quarrels now, I beseech you.] + + +* See Letter XX. of this volume. + + +[I am very angry with him, nevertheless, for the freedoms which he took +with your person;* and I think some guard is necessary, as he is +certainly an encroacher. But indeed all men are so; and you are such a +charming creature, and have kept him at such a distance!--But no more of +this subject. Only, my dear, be not over-nice, now you are so near the +state. You see what difficulties you laid yourself under,] when +Tomlinson's letter called you again into [the wretch's] company. + + +* See Letter XI. of this volume. + + +If you meet with no impediments, no new causes of doubt,* your reputation +in the eye of the world is concerned, that you should be his, [and, as +your uncle rightly judges, be thought to have been his before now.] And +yet, [let me tell you,] I [can hardly] bear [to think,] that these +libertines should be rewarded for their villany with the best of the sex, +when the worst of it are too good for them. + + +* See Letter XX. of this volume. + + +I shall send this long letter by Collins,* who changes his day to oblige +me. As none of our letters by Wilson's conveyance have miscarried, when +you have been in more apparently-disagreeable situations than you are in +at present, [I have no doubt] that this will go safe. + + +* See Letter XX. of this volume. + + +Miss Lardner* (whom you have seen hat her cousin Biddulph's) saw you at +St. James's church on Sunday was fortnight. She kept you in her eye +during the whole time; but could not once obtain the notice of your's, +though she courtesied to you twice. She thought to pay her compliments +to you when the service was over; for she doubted not but you were +married--and for an odd reason--because you came to church by yourself. +Every eye, (as usual, wherever you are,) she said was upon you; and this +seeming to give you hurry, and you being nearer the door than she, you +slid out before she could get to you. But she ordered her servant to +follow you till you were housed. This servant saw you step into a chair +which waited for you; and you ordered the men to carry you to the place +where they took you up. She [describes the house] as a very genteel +house, and fit to receive people of fashion: [and what makes me mention +this, is, that perhaps you will have a visit from her; or message, at +least.] + + +* See Letter XX. of this volume. + + +[So that you have Mr. Doleman's testimony to the credit of the house +and people you are with; and he is] a man of fortune, and some +reputation; formerly a rake indeed; but married to a woman of family; +and having had a palsy blow, one would think a penitent.* You have [also +Mr. Mennell's at least passive testimony; Mr.] Tomlinson's; [and now, +lastly, Miss Lardner's; so that there will be the less need for inquiry: +but you know my busy and inquisitive temper, as well as my affection for +you, and my concern for your honour. But all doubt will soon be lost in +certainty.] + +[Nevertheless I must add, that I would have you] command me up, if I can +be of the least service or pleasure to you.* I value not fame; I value +not censure; nor even life itself, I verily think, as I do your honour, +and your friendship--For is not your honour my honour? And is not your +friendship the pride of my life? + + +* See Letter XX. of this volume. + + +May Heaven preserve you, my dearest creature, in honour and safety, is +the prayer, the hourly prayer, of + +Your ever-faithful and affectionate, +ANNA HOWE. + +THURSDAY MORN. 5. + +I have written all night. [Excuse indifferent writing; my crow-quills +are worn to the stumps, and I must get a new supply.] + + +*** + + +These ladies always write with crow-quills, Jack. + +If thou art capable of taking in all my providences, in this letter, thou +wilt admire my sagacity and contrivance almost as much as I do myself. +Thou seest, that Miss Lardner, Mrs. Sinclair, Tomlinson, Mrs. +Fretchville, Mennell, are all mentioned in it. My first liberties with +her person also. [Modesty, modesty, Belford, I doubt, is more confined +to time, place, and occasion, even by the most delicate minds, than these +minds would have it believed to be.] And why all these taken notice of +by me from the genuine letter, but for fear some future letter from the +vixen should escape my hands, in which she might refer to these names? +And, if none of them were to have been found in this that is to pass for +her's, I might be routed horse and foot, as Lord M. would phrase it in a +like case. + +Devilish hard (and yet I may thank myself) to be put to all this plague +and trouble:--And for what dost thou ask?--O Jack, for a triumph of more +value to me beforehand than an imperial crown!--Don't ask me the value of +it a month hence. But what indeed is an imperial crown itself when a man +is used to it? + +Miss Howe might well be anxious about the letter she wrote. Her sweet +friend, from what I have let pass of her's, has reason to rejoice in the +thought that it fell not into my hands. + +And now must all my contrivances be set at work, to intercept the +expected letter from Miss Howe: which is, as I suppose, to direct her to +a place of safety, and out of my knowledge. Mrs. Townsend is, no doubt, +in this case, to smuggle her off: I hope the villain, as I am so +frequently called between these two girls, will be able to manage this +point. + +But what, perhaps, thou askest, if the lady should take it into her head, +by the connivance of Miss Rawlins, to quit this house privately in the +night? + +I have thought of this, Jack. Does not Will. lie in the house? And is +not the widow Bevis my fast friend? + + + +LETTER XXXI + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +SATURDAY, SIX O'CLOCK, JUNE 10. + + +The lady gave Will.'s sweetheart a letter last night to be carried to the +post-house, as this morning, directed for Miss Howe, under cover to +Hickman. I dare say neither cover nor letter will be seen to have been +opened. The contents but eight lines--To own--'The receipt of her +double-dated letter in safety; and referring to a longer letter, which +she intends to write, when she shall have a quieter heart, and less +trembling fingers. But mentions something to have happened [My detecting +her she means] which has given her very great flutters, confusions, and +apprehensions: but which she will wait the issue of [Some hopes for me +hence, Jack!] before she gives her fresh perturbation or concern on her +account.--She tells her how impatient she shall be for her next,' &c. + +Now, Belford, I thought it would be but kind in me to save Miss Howe's +concern on these alarming hints; since the curiosity of such a spirit +must have been prodigiously excited by them. Having therefore so good a +copy to imitate, I wrote; and, taking out that of my beloved, put under +the same cover the following short billet; inscriptive and conclusive +parts of it in her own words. + + +HAMPSTEAD, TUES. EVEN. + +MY EVER-DEAR MISS HOWE, + +A few lines only, till calmer spirits and quieter fingers be granted me, +and till I can get over the shock which your intelligence has given me-- +to acquaint you--that your kind long letter of Wednesday, and, as I may +say, of Thursday morning, is come safe to my hands. On receipt of your's +by my messenger to you, I sent for it from Wilson's. There, thank +Heaven! it lay. May that Heaven reward you for all your past, and for +all your intended goodness to + +Your for-ever obliged, +CL. HARLOWE. + + +*** + + +I took great pains in writing this. It cannot, I hope, be suspected. +Her hand is so very delicate. Yet her's is written less beautifully than +she usually writes: and I hope Miss Howe will allow somewhat for hurry of +spirits, and unsteady fingers. + +My consideration for Miss Howe's ease of mind extended still farther than +to the instance I have mentioned. + +That this billet might be with her as soon as possible, (and before it +could have reached Hickman by the post,) I dispatched it away by a +servant of Mowbray's. Miss Howe, had there been any failure or delay, +might, as thou wilt think, have communicated her anxieties to her +fugitive friend; and she to me perhaps in a way I should not have been +pleased with. + +Once more wilt thou wonderingly question--All this pains for a single +girl? + +Yes, Jack--But is not this girl a CLARISSA?--And who knows, but kind +fortune, as a reward for my perseverance, may toss me in her charming +friend? Less likely things have come to pass, Belford. And to be sure I +shall have her, if I resolve upon it. + + + +LETTER XXXII + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +EIGHT O'CLOCK, SAT. MORN. JUNE 10. + + +I am come back from Mrs. Moore's, whither I went in order to attend my +charmer's commands. But no admittance--a very bad night. + +Doubtless she must be as much concerned that she has carried her +resentments so very far, as I have reason to be that I made such poor use +of the opportunity I had on Wednesday night. + +But now, Jack, for a brief review of my present situation; and a slight +hint or two of my precautions. + +I have seen the women this morning, and find them half-right, half- +doubting. + +Miss Rawlins's brother tells her, that she lives at Mrs. Moore's. + +Mrs. Moore can do nothing without Miss Rawlins. + +People who keep lodgings at public places expect to get by every one who +comes into their purlieus. Though not permitted to lodge there myself, I +have engaged all the rooms she has to spare, to the very garrets; and +that, as I have told thee before, for a month certain, and at her own +price, board included; my spouse's and all: but she must not at present +know it. So I hope I have Mrs. Moore fast by the interest. + +This, devil-like, is suiting temptations to inclinations. + +I have always observed, and, I believe, I have hinted as much formerly,* +that all dealers, though but for pins, may be taken in by customers for +pins, sooner than by a direct bribe of ten times the value; especially if +pretenders to conscience: for the offer of a bribe would not only give +room for suspicion, but would startle and alarm their scrupulousness; +while a high price paid for what you buy, is but submitting to be cheated +in the method of the person makes a profession to get by. Have I not +said that human nature is a rogue?**--And do not I know that it is? + + +* See Vol. III. Letter XXXIV. +** See Vol. III. Letter XXXV. and Vol. IV. Letter XXI. + + +To give a higher instance, how many proud senators, in the year 1720, +were induced, by presents or subscription of South-sea stock, to +contribute to a scheme big with national ruin; who yet would have spurned +the man who should have presumed to offer them even twice the sum certain +that they had a chance to gain by the stock?--But to return to my review +and to my precautions. + +Miss Rawlins fluctuates, as she hears the lady's story, or as she hears +mine. Somewhat of an infidel, I doubt, is this Miss Rawlins. I have not +yet considered her foible. The next time I see her, I will take +particular notice of all the moles and freckles in her mind; and then +infer and apply. + +The widow Bevis, as I have told thee, is all my own. + +My man Will. lies in the house. My other new fellow attends upon me; and +cannot therefore be quite stupid. + +Already is Will. over head and ears in love with one of Mrs. Moore's +maids. He was struck with her the moment he set his eyes upon her. A +raw country wench too. But all women, from the countess to the cook- +maid, are put into high good humour with themselves when a man is taken +with them at first sight. Be they ever so plain [no woman can be ugly, +Jack!] they'll find twenty good reasons, besides the great one (for +sake's sake) by the help of the glass without (and perhaps in spite of +it) and conceit within, to justify the honest fellow's caption. + +'The rogue has saved 150£. in my service.'--More by 50 than I bid him +save. No doubt, he thinks he might have done so; though I believe not +worth a groat. 'The best of masters I--passionate, indeed; but soon +appeased.' + +The wench is extremely kind to him already. The other maid is also very +civil to him. He has a husband for her in his eye. She cannot but say, +that Mr. Andrew, my other servant [the girl is for fixing the person] is +a very well spoken civil young man. + +'We common folks have our joys, and please your honour, says honest +Joseph Leman, like as our betters have.'* And true says honest Joseph-- +did I prefer ease to difficulty, I should envy these low-born sinners +some of their joys. + + +* See Vol. III. Letter XLVII. + + +But if Will. had not made amorous pretensions to the wenches, we all +know, that servants, united in one common compare-note cause, are +intimate the moment they see one another--great genealogists too; they +know immediately the whole kin and kin's kin of each other, though +dispersed over the three kingdoms, as well as the genealogies and kin's +kin of those whom they serve. + +But my precautions end not here. + +O Jack, with such an invention, what occasion had I to carry my beloved +to Mrs. Sinclair's? + +My spouse may have farther occasion for the messengers whom she +dispatched, one to Miss Howe, the other to Wilson's. With one of these +Will. is already well-acquainted, as thou hast heard--to mingle liquor +is to mingle souls with these fellows; with the other messenger he will +soon be acquainted, if he be not already. + +The Captain's servant has his uses and instructions assigned him. I have +hinted at some of them already.* He also serves a most humane and +considerate master. I love to make every body respected to my power. + + +* See Letter XXIX. of this volume. + + +The post, general and penny, will be strictly watched likewise. + +Miss Howe's Collins is remembered to be described. Miss Howe's and +Hickman's liveries also. + +James Harlowe and Singleton are warned against. I am to be acquainted +with any inquiry that shall happen to be made after my spouse, whether by +her married or maiden name, before she shall be told of it--and this that +I may have it in my power to prevent mischief. + +I have ordered Mowbray and Tourville (and Belton, if his health permit) +to take their quarters at Hampstead for a week, with their fellows to +attend them. I spare thee for the present, because of thy private +concerns. But hold thyself in cheerful readiness, however, as a mark of +thy allegiance. + +As to my spouse herself, has she not reason to be pleased with me for +having permitted her to receive Miss Howe's letter from Wilson's? A +plain case, either that I am no deep plotter, or that I have no farther +views than to make my peace with her for an offence so slight and so +accidental. + +Miss Howe says, though prefaced with an alas! that her charming friend +loves me: she must therefore yearn after this reconciliation--prospects +so fair--if she showed me any compassion; seemed inclinable to spare +me, and to make the most favourable construction: I cannot but say, that +it would be impossible not to show her some. But, to be insulted and +defied by a rebel in one's power, what prince can bear that? + +But I must return to the scene of action. I must keep the women steady. +I had no opportunity to talk to my worthy Mrs. Bevis in private. + +Tomlinson, a dog, not come yet! + + + +LETTER XXXIII + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +FROM MY APARTMENTS AT MRS. MOORE'S. + + +Miss Rawlins at her brothers; Mrs. Moore engaged in household matters; +widow Bevis dressing; I have nothing to do but write. This cursed +Tomlinson not yet arrived!--Nothing to be done without him. + +I think he shall complain in pretty high language of the treatment he met +with yesterday. 'What are our affairs to him? He can have no view but +to serve us. Cruel to send back to town, un-audienced, unseen, a man of +his business and importance. He never stirs a-foot, but something of +consequence depends upon his movements. A confounded thing to trifle +thus humoursomely with such a gentleman's moments!--These women think, +that all the business of the world must stand still for their figaries +[a good female word, Jack!] the greatest triflers in the creation, to +fancy themselves the most important beings in it--marry come up! as I +have heard goody Sorlings say to her servants, when she has rated at them +with mingled anger and disdain.' + +After all, methinks I want those tostications [thou seest how women, and +women's words, fill my mind] to be over, happily over, that I may sit +down quietly, and reflect upon the dangers I have passed through, and the +troubles I have undergone. I have a reflecting mind, as thou knowest; +but the very word reflecting implies all got over. + +What briars and thorns does the wretch rush into (a scratched face and +tattered garments the unavoidable consequence) who will needs be for +striking out a new path through overgrown underwood; quitting that beaten +out for him by those who have travelled the same road before him! + + +*** + + +A visit from the widow Bevis, in my own apartment. She tells me, that my +spouse had thoughts last night, after I was gone to my lodgings, of +removing from Mrs. Moore's. + +I almost wish she had attempted to do so. + +Miss Rawlins, it seems, who was applied to upon it, dissuaded her from +it. + +Mrs. Moore also, though she did not own that Will. lay in the house, (or +rather set up in it, courting,) set before her the difficulties, which, +in her opinion, she would have to get clear off, without my knowledge; +assuring her, that she could be no where more safe than with her, till +she had fixed whither to go. And the lady herself recollected, that if +she went, she might miss the expected letter from her dear friend Miss +Howe! which, as she owned, was to direct her future steps. + +She must also surely have some curiosity to know what her uncle's friend +had to say to her from her uncle, contemptuously as she yesterday treated +a man of his importance. Nor could she, I should think, be absolutely +determined to put herself out of the way of receiving the visits of two +of the principal ladies of my family, and to break entirely with me in +the face of them all.--Besides, whither could she have gone?--Moreover, +Miss Howe's letter coming (after her elopement) so safely to her hands, +must surely put her into a more confiding temper with me, and with every +one else, though she would not immediately own it. + +But these good folks have so little charity!--Are such severe censurers! +--Yet who is absolutely perfect?--It were to be wished, however, that +they would be so modest as to doubt themselves sometimes: then would they +allow for others, as others (excellent as they imagine themselves to be) +must for them. + + +SATURDAY, ONE O'CLOCK. + +Tomlinson at last is come. Forced to ride five miles about (though I +shall impute his delay to great and important business) to avoid the +sight of two or three impertinent rascals, who, little thinking whose +affairs he was employed in, wanted to obtrude themselves upon him. I +think I will make this fellow easy, if he behave to my liking in this +affair. + +I sent up the moment he came. + +She desired to be excused receiving his visit till four this afternoon. + +Intolerable!--No consideration!--None at all in this sex, when their +cursed humours are in the way!--Pay-day, pay-hour, rather, will come!-- +Oh! that it were to be the next! + +The Captain is in a pet. Who can blame him? Even the women think a man +of his consequence, and generously coming to serve us, hardly used. +Would to heaven she had attempted to get off last night! The women not +my enemies, who knows but the husband's exerted authority might have met +with such connivance, as might have concluded either in carrying her back +to her former lodgings, or in consummation at Mrs. Moore's, in spite of +exclamations, fits, and the rest of the female obsecrations? + +My beloved has not appeared to any body this day, except to Mrs. Moore. +Is, it seems, extremely low: unfit for the interesting conversation that +is to be held in the afternoon. Longs to hear from her dear friend Miss +Howe--yet cannot expect a letter for a day or two. Has a bad opinion of +all mankind.--No wonder!--Excellent creature as she is! with such a +father, such uncles, such a brother, as she has! + +How does she look? + +Better than could be expected from yesterday's fatigue, and last night's +ill rest. + +These tender doves know not, till put to it, what they can bear; +especially when engaged in love affairs; and their attention wholly +engrossed. But the sex love busy scenes. Still life is their aversion. +A woman will create a storm, rather than be without one. So that they +can preside in the whirlwind, and direct it, they are happy.--But my +beloved's misfortune is, that she must live in tumult; yet neither raise +them herself, nor be able to controul them. + + + +LETTER XXXIV + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. +SAT NIGHT, JUNE 10. + + +What will be the issue of all my plots and contrivances, devil take me if +I am able to divine. But I will not, as Lord M. would say, forestall my +own market. + +At four, the appointed hour, I sent up, to desire admittance in the +Captain's name and my own. + +She would wait upon the Captain presently; [not upon me!] and in the +parlour, if it were not engaged. + +The dining-room being mine, perhaps that was the reason of her naming the +parlour--mighty nice again, if so! No good sign for me, thought I, this +stiff punctilio. + +In the parlour, with me and the Captain, were Mrs. Moore, Miss Rawlins, +and Mrs. Bevis. + +The women said, they would withdraw when the lady came down. + +Lovel. Not, except she chooses you should, Ladies.--People who are so +much above-board as I am, need not make secrets of any of their affairs. +Besides, you three ladies are now acquainted with all our concerns. + +Capt. I have some things to say to your lady, that perhaps she would +not herself choose that any body should hear; not even you, Mr. Lovelace, +as you and her family are not upon such a good foot of understanding as +were to be wished. + +Lovel. Well, well, Captain, I must submit. Give us a sign to withdraw, +and we will withdraw. + +It was better that the exclusion of the women should come from him, than +from me. + +Capt. I will bow, and wave my hand, thus--when I wish to be alone with +the lady. Her uncle dotes upon her. I hope, Mr. Lovelace, you will not +make a reconciliation more difficult, for the earnestness which my dear +friend shows to bring it to bear. But indeed I must tell you, as I told +you more than once before, that I am afraid you have made lighter of the +occasion of this misunderstanding to me, than it ought to have been made. + +Lovel. I hope, Captain Tomlinson, you do not question my veracity! + +Capt. I beg your pardon, Mr. Lovelace--but those things which we men +may think lightly of, may not be light to a woman of delicacy.--And then, +if you have bound yourself by a vow, you ought-- + +Miss Rawlins bridling, her lips closed, (but her mouth stretched to a +smile of approbation, the longer for not buttoning,) tacitly showed +herself pleased with the Captain for his delicacy. + +Mrs. Moore could speak--Very true, however, was all she said, with a +motion of her head that expressed the bow-approbatory. + +For my part, said the jolly widow, staring with eyes as big as eggs, I +know what I know.--But man and wife are man and wife; or they are not +man and wife.--I have no notion of standing upon such niceties. + +But here she comes! cried one, hearing her chamber-door open--Here she +comes! another, hearing it shut after her--And down dropt the angel among +us. + +We all stood up, bowing and courtesying, and could not help it; for she +entered with such an air as commanded all our reverence. Yet the Captain +looked plaguy grave. + +Cl. Pray keep your seats, Ladies--Pray do not go, [for they made offers +to withdraw; yet Miss Rawlins would have burst had she been suffered to +retire.] Before this time you have all heard my story, I make no doubt-- +pray keep your seats--at least all Mr. Lovelace's. + +A very saucy and whimsical beginning, thought I. + +Captain Tomlinson, your servant, addressing herself to him with +inimitable dignity. I hope you did not take amiss my declining your +visit yesterday. I was really incapable of talking upon any subject that +required attention. + +Capt. I am glad to see you better now, Madam. I hope I do. + +Cl. Indeed I am not well. I would not have excused myself from +attending you some hours ago, but in hopes I should have been better. I +beg your pardon, Sir, for the trouble I have given you; and shall the +rather expect it, as this day will, I hope, conclude it all. + +Thus set; thus determined; thought I,--yet to have slept upon it!--But, +as what she said was capable of a good, as well as a bad, construction, I +would not put an unfavourable one upon it. + +Lovel. The Captain was sorry, my dear, he did not offer his attendance +the moment he arrived yesterday. He was afraid that you took it amiss +that he did not. + +Cl. Perhaps I thought that my uncle's friend might have wished to see +me as soon as he came, [how we stared!]--But, Sir, [to me,] it might be +convenient to you to detain him. + +The devil, thought I!--So there really was resentment as well as head- +ache, as my good friend Mrs. Bevis observed, in her refusing to see the +honest gentleman. + +Capt. You would detain me, Mr. Lovelace--I was for paying my respects +to the lady the moment I came-- + +Cl. Well, Sir, [interrupting him,] to wave this; for I would not be +thought captious--if you have not suffered inconvenience, in being +obliged to come again, I shall be easy. + +Capt. [Half disconcerted.] A little inconvenience, I can't say but I +have suffered. I have, indeed, too many affairs upon my hands; but the +desire I have to serve you and Mr. Lovelace, as well as to oblige my dear +friend, your uncle Harlowe, make great inconveniencies but small ones. + +Cl. You are very obliging, Sir.--Here is a great alteration since you +parted with us last. + +Capt. A great one indeed, Madam! I was very much surprised at it, on +Thursday evening, when Mr. Lovelace conducted me to your lodgings, where +we hoped to find you. + +Cl. Have you any thing to say to me, Sir, from my uncle himself, that +requires my private ear!--Don't go, Ladies, [for the women stood up, and +offered to withdraw,]--if Mr. Lovelace stays, I am sure you may. + +I frowned--I bit my lip--I looked at the women--and shook my head. + +Capt. I have nothing to offer, but what Mr. Lovelace is a party to, and +may hear, except one private word or two, which may be postponed to the +last. + +Cl. Pray, Ladies, keep your seats.--Things are altered, Sir, since I +saw you. You can mention nothing that relates to me now, to which that +gentleman can be a party. + +Capt. You surprise me, Madam! I am sorry to hear this!--Sorry for your +uncle's sake!--Sorry for your sake!--Sorry for Mr. Lovelace's sake!--And +yet I am sure he must have given greater occasion than he has mentioned +to me, or-- + +Lovel. Indeed, Captain,--indeed, Ladies, I have told you great part of +my story!--And what I told you of my offence was the truth:--what I +concealed of my story was only what I apprehended would, if known, cause +this dear creature to be thought more censorious than charitable. + +Cl. Well, well, Sir, say what you please. Make me as black as you +please--make yourself as white as you can--I am not now in your power: +that consideration will comfort me for all. + +Capt. God forbid that I should offer to plead in behalf of a crime, +that a woman of virtue and honour cannot forgive! But surely, surely, +Madam, this is going too far. + +Cl. Do not blame me, Captain Tomlinson. I have a good opinion of you, +as my uncle's friend; but if you are Mr. Lovelace's friend, that is +another thing; for my interest and Mr. Lovelace's must now be for ever +separated. + +Capt. One word with you, Madam, if you please--offering to retire. + +Cl. You may say all that you please to say before these gentlewomen.-- +Mr. Lovelace may have secrets--I have none:--you seem to think me faulty: +I should be glad that all the world knew my heart. Let my enemies sit in +judgment upon my actions; fairly scanned, I fear not the result; let them +even ask me my most secret thoughts, and, whether they make for me, or +against me, I will reveal them. + +Capt. Noble Lady! who can say as you say? + +The women held up their hands and eyes; each, as if she had said,--Not I. + +No disorder here! said Miss Rawlins:--but, (judging by her own heart,) a +confounded deal of improbability, I believe she thought. + +Finely said, to be sure, said the widow Bevis, shrugging her shoulders. + +Mrs. Moore sighed. + +Jack Belford, thought I, knows all mine; and in this I am more ingenuous +than any of the three, and a fit match for this paragon. + +Cl. How Mr. Lovelace has found me out here I cannot tell: but such mean +devices, such artful, such worse than Waltham disguises put on, to +obtrude himself into my company; such bold, such shocking untruths-- + +Capt. The favour of but one word, Madam, in private-- + +Cl. In order to support a right which he has not over me!--O Sir!--O +Captain Tomlinson!--I think I have reason to say, that the man, (there he +stands!) is capable of any vileness!-- + +The women looked upon one another, and upon me, by turns, to see how I +bore it. I had such dartings in my head at the instant, that I thought I +should have gone distracted. My brain seemed on fire. What would I have +given to have had her alone with me!--I traversed the room; my clenched +fist to my forehead. O that I had any body here, thought I, that, +Hercules-like, when flaming in the tortures of Dejanira's poisoned shirt, +I could tear in pieces! + +Capt. Dear Lady! see you not how the poor gentleman--Lord, how have I +imposed upon your uncle, at this rate! How happy did I tell him I saw +you! How happy I was sure you would be in each other! + +Cl. O Sir, you don't know how many premeditated offences I had forgiven +when I saw you last, before I could appear to you what I hoped then I +might for the future be!--But now you may tell my uncle, if you please, +that I cannot hope for his mediation. Tell him, that my guilt, in giving +this man an opportunity to spirit me away from my tried, my experienced, +my natural friends, (harshly as they treated me,) stares me every day +more and more in the face; and still the more, as my fate seems to be +drawing to a crisis, according to the malediction of my offended father! + +And then she burst into tears, which even affected that dog, who, brought +to abet me, was himself all Belforded over. + +The women, so used to cry without grief, as they are to laugh without +reason, by mere force of example, [confound their promptitudes;] must +needs pull out their handkerchiefs. The less wonder, however, as I +myself, between confusion, surprise, and concern, could hardly stand it. + +What's a tender heart good for?--Who can be happy that has a feeling +heart?--And yet, thou'lt say, that he who has it not, must be a tiger, +and no man. + +Capt. Let me beg the favour of one word with you, Madam, in private; +and that on my own account. + +The women hereupon offered to retire. She insisted that, if they went, +I should not stay. + +Capt. Sir, bowing to me, shall I beg-- + +I hope, thought I, that I may trust this solemn dog, instructed as he is. +She does not doubt him. I'll stay out no longer than to give her time to +spend her first fire. + +I then passively withdrew with the women.--But with such a bow to my +goddess, that it won for me every heart but that I wanted most to win; +for the haughty maid bent not her knee in return. + +The conversation between the Captain and the lady, when we were retired, +was to the following effect:--They both talked loud enough for me to hear +them--the lady from anger, the Captain with design; and thou mayest be +sure there was no listener but myself. What I was imperfect in was +supplied afterwards; for I had my vellum-leaved book to note all down. +If she had known this, perhaps she would have been more sparing of her +invectives--and but perhaps neither. + +He told her that as her brother was absolutely resolved to see her; and +as he himself, in compliance with her uncle's expedient, had reported her +marriage; and as that report had reached the ears of Lord M., Lady Betty, +and the rest of my relations; and as he had been obliged, in consequence +of his first report, to vouch it; and as her brother might find out where +she was, and apply to the women here for a confirmation or refutation of +the marriage; he had thought himself obliged to countenance the report +before the women. That this had embarrassed him not a little, as he +would not for the world that she should have cause to think him capable +of prevarication, contrivance, or double dealing; and that this made him +desirous of a private conversation with her. + +It was true, she said, she had given her consent to such an expedient, +believing it was her uncle's; and little thinking that it would lead to +so many errors. Yet she might have known that one error is frequently +the parent of many. Mr. Lovelace had made her sensible of the truth of +that observation, on more occasions than one; and it was an observation +that he, the Captain, had made, in one of the letters that was shown her +yesterday.* + + +* See Letter XXIV. + + +He hoped that she had no mistrust of him: that she had no doubt of his +honour. If, Madam, you suspect me--if you think me capable--what a man! +the Lord be merciful to me!--What a man must you think me! + +I hope, Sir, there cannot be a man in the world who could deserve to be +suspected in such a case as this. I do not suspect you. If it were +possible there could be one such a man, I am sure, Captain Tomlinson, a +father of children, a man in years, of sense and experience, cannot be +that man. + +He told me, that just then, he thought he felt a sudden flash from her +eye, an eye-beam as he called it, dart through his shivering reins; and +he could not help trembling. + +The dog's conscience, Jack!--Nothing else!--I have felt half a dozen such +flashes, such eye-beams, in as many different conversations with this +soul-piercing beauty. + +Her uncle, she must own, was not accustomed to think of such expedients; +but she had reconciled this to herself, as the case was unhappily +uncommon; and by the regard he had for her honour. + +This set the puppy's heart at ease, and gave him more courage. + +She asked him if he thought Lady Betty and Miss Montague intended her a +visit? + +He had no doubt but they did. + +And does he imagine, said she, that I could be brought to countenance to +them the report you have given out? + +[I had hoped to bring her to this, Jack, or she had seen their letters. +But I had told the Captain that I believed I must give up this +expectation.] + +No.--He believed that I had not such a thought. He was pretty sure, that +I intended, when I saw them, to tell them, (as in confidence,) the naked +truth. + +He then told her that her uncle had already made some steps towards a +general reconciliation. The moment, Madam, that he knows you are really +married, he will enter into confidence with your father upon it; having +actually expressed to your mother his desire to be reconciled to you. + +And what, Sir, said my mother? What said my dear mother? + +With great emotion she asked this question; holding out her sweet face, +as the Captain described her, with the most earnest attention, as if she +would shorten the way which his words were to have to her heart. + +Your mother, Madam, burst into tears upon it: and your uncle was so +penetrated by her tenderness, that he could not proceed with the subject. +But he intends to enter upon it with her in form, as soon as he hears +that the ceremony is over. + +By the tone of her voice she wept. The dear creature, thought I, begins +to relent!--And I grudged the dog his eloquence. I could hardly bear the +thought that any man breathing should have the power which I had lost, of +persuading this high-souled woman, though in my own favour. And wouldest +thou think it? this reflection gave me more uneasiness at the moment than +I felt from her reproaches, violent as they were; or than I had pleasure +in her supposed relenting: for there is beauty in every thing she says +and does!--Beauty in her passion!--Beauty in her tears!--Had the Captain +been a young fellow, and of rank and fortune, his throat would have been +in danger; and I should have thought very hardly of her. + +O Captain Tomlinson, said she, you know not what I have suffered by this +man's strange ways! He had, as I was not ashamed to tell him yesterday, +a plain path before him. He at first betrayed me into his power--but +when I was in it--There she stopt.--Then resuming--O Sir, you know not +what a strange man he has been!--An unpolite, a rough-manner'd man! In +disgrace of his birth, and education, and knowledge, an unpolite man!-- +And so acting, as if his worldly and personal advantages set him above +those graces which distinguish a gentleman. + +The first woman that ever said, or that ever thought so of me, that's my +comfort, thought I!--But this, (spoken of to her uncle's friend, behind +my back,) helps to heap up thy already-too-full measure, dearest!--It is +down in my vellum-book. + +Cl. When I look back on his whole behaviour to a poor young creature, +(for I am but a very young creature,) I cannot acquit him either of great +folly or of deep design. And, last Wednesday--There she stopt; and I +suppose turned away her face. + +I wonder she was not ashamed to hint at what she thought so shameful; and +that to a man, and alone with him. + +Capt. Far be it from me, Madam, to offer to enter too closely into so +tender a subject. Mr. Lovelace owns, that you have reason to be +displeased with him. But he so solemnly clears himself of premeditated +offence-- + +Cl. He cannot clear himself, Captain Tomlinson. The people of the +house must be very vile, as well as he. I am convinced that there was a +wicked confederacy--but no more upon such a subject. + +Capt. Only one word more, Madam.--He tells me, that you promised to +pardon him. He tells me-- + +He knew, interrupted she, that he deserved not pardon, or he had not +extorted the promise from me. Nor had I given it to him, but to shield +myself from the vilest outrage-- + +Capt. I could wish, Madam, inexcusable as his behaviour has been, since +he has something to plead in the reliance he made upon your promise, +that, for the sake of appearances to the world, and to avoid the +mischiefs that may follow if you absolutely break with him, you could +prevail upon your naturally-generous mind to lay an obligation upon him +by your forgiveness. + +She was silent. + +Capt. Your father and mother, Madam, deplore a daughter lost to them, +whom your generosity to Mr. Lovelace may restore: do not put it to the +possible chance, that they may have cause to deplore a double loss; the +losing of a son, as well as a daughter, who, by his own violence, which +you may perhaps prevent, may be for ever lost to them, and to the whole +family. + +She paused--she wept--she owned that she felt the force of this argument. + +I will be the making of this fellow, thought I. + +Capt. Permit me, Madam, to tell you, that I do not think it would be +difficult to prevail upon your uncle, if you insist upon it, to come up +privately to town, and to give you with his own hand to Mr. Lovelace-- +except, indeed, your present misunderstanding were to come to his ears. +Besides, Madam, your brother, it is likely, may at this very time be in +town; and he is resolved to find you out-- + +Cl. Why, Sir, should I be so much afraid of my brother? My brother has +injured me, not I him. Will my brother offer to me what Mr. Lovelace has +offered?--Wicked, ungrateful man! to insult a friendless, unprotected +creature, made friendless by himself!--I cannot, cannot think of him in +the light I once thought of him. What, Sir, to put myself into the power +of a wretch, who has acted by me with so much vile premeditation!--Who +shall pity, who shall excuse me, if I do, were I to suffer ever so much +from him?--No, Sir.--Let Mr. Lovelace leave me--let my brother find me. +I am not such a poor creature as to be afraid to face the brother who has +injured me. + +Capt. Were you and your brother to meet only to confer together, to +expostulate, to clear up difficulties, it were another thing. But what, +Madam, can you think will be the issue of an interview, (Mr. Solmes with +him,) when he finds you unmarried, and resolved never to have Mr. +Lovelace; supposing Mr. Lovelace were not to interfere, which cannot be +imagined? + +Cl. Well, Sir, I can only say, I am a very unhappy creature!--I must +resign to the will of Providence, and be patient under evils, which that +will not permit me to shun. But I have taken my measures. Mr. Lovelace +can never make me happy, nor I him. I wait here only for a letter from +Miss Howe--that must determine me-- + +Determine you as to Mr. Lovelace, Madam? interrupted the Captain. + +Cl. I am already determined as to him. + +Capt. If it be not in his favour, I have done. I cannot use stronger +arguments than I have used, and it would be impertinent to repeat them. +If you cannot forgive his offence, I am sure it must have been much +greater than he has owned to me. If you are absolutely determined, be +pleased to let me know what I shall say to your uncle? You were pleased +to tell me, that this day would put an end to what you called my trouble: +I should not have thought it any, could I have been an humble mean of +reconciling persons of worth and honour to each other. + +Here I entered with a solemn air. + +Lovel. Captain Tomlinson, I have heard a part of what has passed +between you and this unforgiving (however otherwise excellent) lady. I +am cut to the heart to find the dear creature so determined. I could +not have believed it possible, with such prospects, that I had so little +share in her esteem. Nevertheless I must do myself justice with regard +to the offence I was so unhappy as to give, since I find you are ready +to think it much greater than it really was. + +Cl. I hear not, Sir, your recapitulations. I am, and ought to be, the +sole judge of insults offered to my person. I enter not into discussion +with you, nor hear you on the shocking subject. And was going. + +I put myself between her and the door--You may hear all I have to say, +Madam. My fault is not of such a nature, but that you may. I will be a +just accuser of myself; and will not wound your ears. + +I then protested that the fire was a real fire. [So it was.] I +disclaimed [less truly] premeditation. I owned that I was hurried on by +the violence of a youthful passion, and by a sudden impulse, which few +other persons, in the like situation, would have been able to check: that +I withdrew, at her command and entreaty, on the promise of pardon, +without having offered the least indecency, or any freedom, that would +not have been forgiven by persons of delicacy, surprised in an attitude +so charming--her terror, on the alarm of fire, calling for a soothing +behaviour, and personal tenderness, she being ready to fall into fits: my +hoped-for happy day so near, that I might be presumed to be looked upon +as a betrothed lover--and that this excuse might be pleaded even for the +women of the house, that they, thinking us actually married, might +suppose themselves to be the less concerned to interfere on so tender an +occasion.--[There, Jack, was a bold insinuation on behalf of the women!] + +High indignation filled her disdainful eye, eye-beam after eye-beam +flashing at me. Every feature of her sweet face had soul in it. Yet she +spoke not. Perhaps, Jack, she had a thought, that this plea for the +women accounted for my contrivance to have her pass to them as married, +when I first carried her thither. + +Capt. Indeed, Sir, I must say that you did not well to add to the +apprehensions of a lady so much terrified before. + +The dear creature offered to go by me. I set my back against the door, +and besought her to stay a few moments. I had not said thus much, my +dearest creature, but for your sake, as well as for my own, that Captain +Tomlinson should not think I had been viler than I was. Nor will I say +one word more on the subject, after I have appealed to your own heart, +whether it was not necessary that I should say so much; and to the +Captain, whether otherwise he would not have gone away with a much worse +opinion of me, if he had judged of my offence by the violence of your +resentment. + +Capt. Indeed I should. I own I should. And I am very glad, Mr. +Lovelace, that you are able to defend yourself thus far. + +Cl. That cause must be well tried, where the offender takes his seat +upon the same bench with the judge.--I submit not mine to men--nor, give +me leave to say, to you, Captain Tomlinson, though I am willing to have a +good opinion of you. Had not the man been assured that he had influenced +you in his favour, he would not have brought you up to Hampstead. + +Capt. That I am influenced, as you call it, Madam, is for the sake of +your uncle, and for your own sake, more (I will say to Mr. Lovelace's +face) than for his. What can I have in view but peace and +reconciliation? I have, from the first, blamed, and I now, again, blame +Mr. Lovelace, for adding distress to distress, and terror to terror; the +lady, as you acknowledge, Sir, [looking valiantly,] ready before to fall +into fits. + +Lovel. Let me own to you, Captain Tomlinson, that I have been a very +faulty, a very foolish man; and, if this dear creature ever honoured me +with her love, an ungrateful one. But I have had too much reason to +doubt it. And this is now a flagrant proof that she never had the value +for me which my proud heart wished for; that, with such prospects before +us; a day so near; settlements approved and drawn; her uncle meditating a +general reconciliation which, for her sake, not my own, I was desirous to +give into; she can, for an offence so really slight, on an occasion so +truly accidental, renounce me for ever; and, with me, all hopes of that +reconciliation in the way her uncle had put it in, and she had acquiesced +with; and risque all consequences, fatal ones as they may too possibly +be.--By my soul, Captain Tomlinson, the dear creature must have hated me +all the time she was intending to honour me with her hand. And now she +must resolve to abandon me, as far as I know, with a preference in her +heart of the most odious of men--in favour of that Solmes, who, as you +tell me, accompanies her brother: and with what hopes, with what view, +accompanies him!--How can I bear to think of this?-- + +Cl. It is fit, Sir, that you should judge of my regard for you by your +own conscienceness of demerit. Yet you know, or you would not have dared +to behave to me as sometimes you did, that you had more of it than you +deserved. + +She walked from us; and then returning, Captain Tomlinson, said she, I +will own to you, that I was not capable of resolving to give my hand, and +--nothing but my hand. Had I not given a flagrant proof of this to the +once most indulgent of parents? which has brought me into a distress, +which this man has heightened, when he ought, in gratitude and honour, to +have endeavoured to render it supportable. I had even a bias, Sir, in +his favour, I scruple not to own it. Long (much too long!) bore I with +his unaccountable ways, attributing his errors to unmeaning gaiety, and +to a want of knowing what true delicacy, and true generosity, required +from a heart susceptible of grateful impressions to one involved by his +means in unhappy circumstances. + +It is now wickedness in him (a wickedness which discredits all his +professions) to say, that this last cruel and ungrateful insult was not +a premeditated one--But what need I say more of this insult, when it was +of such a nature, and that it has changed that bias in his favour, and +make me choose to forego all the inviting prospects he talks of, and to +run all hazards, to free myself from his power? + +O my dearest creature! how happy for us both, had I been able to discover +that bias, as you condescend to call it, through such reserves as man +never encountered with! + +He did discover it, Capt. Tomlinson. He brought me, more than once, to +own it; the more needlessly brought me to own it, as I dare say his own +vanity gave him no cause to doubt it; and as I had apparently no other +motive in not being forward to own it, than my too-justly-founded +apprehensions of his want of generosity. In a word, Captain Tomlinson, +(and now, that I am determined upon my measures, I the less scruple to +say,) I should have despised myself, had I found myself capable of +affectation or tyranny to the man I intended to marry. I have always +blamed the dearest friend I have in the world for a fault of this nature. +In a word-- + +Lovel. And had my angel really and indeed the favour for me she is +pleased to own?--Dearest creature, forgive me. Restore me to your good +opinion. Surely I have not sinned beyond forgiveness. You say that I +extorted from you the promise you made me. But I could not have presumed +to make that promise the condition of my obedience, had I not thought +there was room to expect forgiveness. Permit, I beseech you, the +prospects to take place, that were opening so agreeably before us. I +will go to town, and bring the license. All difficulties to the +obtaining of it are surmounted. Captain Tomlinson shall be witness to +the deeds. He will be present at the ceremony on the part of your uncle. +Indeed he gave me hope that your uncle himself-- + +Capt. I did, Mr. Lovelace: and I will tell you my grounds for the hope +I gave. I promised to my dear friend, (your uncle, Madam,) that he +should give out that he would take a turn with me to my little farm-house, +as I call it, near Northampton, for a week or so.--Poor gentleman! +he has of late been very little abroad!--Too visibly declining!--Change +of air, it might be given out, was good for him.--But I see, Madam, that +this is too tender a subject-- + +The dear creature wept. She knew how to apply as meant the Captain's +hint to the occasion of her uncle's declining state of health. + +Capt. We might indeed, I told him, set out in that road, but turn short +to town in my chariot; and he might see the ceremony performed with his +own eyes, and be the desired father, as well as the beloved uncle. + +She turned from us, and wiped her eyes. + +Capt. And, really, there seem now to be but two objections to this, as +Mr. Harlowe discouraged not the proposal--The one, the unhappy +misunderstanding between you; which I would not by any means he should +know; since then he might be apt to give weight to Mr. James Harlowe's +unjust surmises.--The other, that it would necessarily occasion some +delay to the ceremony; which certainly may be performed in a day or two +--if-- + +And then he reverently bowed to my goddess.--Charming fellow!--But often +did I curse my stars, for making me so much obliged to his adroitness. + +She was going to speak; but, not liking the turn of her countenance +(although, as I thought, its severity and indignation seemed a little +abated) I said, and had like to have blown myself up by it--one expedient +I have just thought of-- + +Cl. None of your expedients, Mr. Lovelace!--I abhor your expedients, +your inventions--I have had too many of them. + +Lovel. See, Capt. Tomlinson!--See, Sir!--O how we expose ourselves to +you!--Little did you think, I dare say, that we have lived in such a +continued misunderstanding together!--But you will make the best of it +all. We may yet be happy. Oh! that I could have been assured that this +dear creature loved me with the hundredth part of the love I have for +her!--Our diffidences have been mutual. I presume to say that she has +too much punctilio: I am afraid that I have too little. Hence our +difficulties. But I have a heart, Captain Tomlinson, a heart, that bids +me hope for her love, because it is resolved to deserve it as much as man +can deserve it. + +Capt. I am indeed surprised at what I have seen and heard. I defend +not Mr. Lovelace, Madam, in the offence he has given you--as a father of +daughters myself, I cannot defend him; though his fault seems to be +lighter than I had apprehended--but in my conscience, Madam, I think you +carry your resentment too high. + +Cl. Too high, Sir!--Too high to the man that might have been happy if +he would! Too high to the man that has held my soul in suspense an +hundred times, since (by artifice and deceit) he obtained a power over +me!--Say, Lovelace, thyself say, art thou not the very Lovelace, who by +insulting me, hast wronged thine own hopes?--The wretch that appeared in +vile disguises, personating an old, lame creature, seeking for lodgings +for thy sick wife?--Telling the gentlewomen here stories all of thine own +invention; and asserting to them an husband's right over me, which thou +hast not!--And is it [turning to the Captain] to be expected, that I +should give credit to the protestations of such a man? + +Lovel. Treat me, my dearest creature, as you please, I will bear it: +and yet your scorn and your violence have fixed daggers in my heart--But +was it possible, without those disguises, to come at your speech?--And +could I lose you, if study, if invention, would put it in my power to +arrest your anger, and give me hope to engage you to confirm to me the +promised pardon? The address I made to you before the women, as if the +marriage-ceremony had passed, was in consequence of what your uncle had +advised, and what you had acquiesced with; and the rather made, as your +brother, and Singleton, and Solmes, were resolved to find out whether +what was reported of your marriage were true or not, that they might take +their measures accordingly; and in hopes to prevent that mischief, which +I have been but too studious to prevent, since this tameness has but +invited insolence from your brother and his confederates. + +Cl. O thou strange wretch, how thou talkest!--But, Captain Tomlinson, +give me leave to say, that, were I inclined to enter farther upon this +subject, I would appeal to Miss Rawlins's judgment (whom else have I to +appeal to?) She seems to be a person of prudence and honour; but not to +any man's judgment, whether I carry my resentment beyond fit bounds, when +I resolve-- + +Capt. Forgive, Madam, the interruption--but I think there can be no +reason for this. You ought, as you said, to be the sole judge of +indignities offered you. The gentlewomen here are strangers to you. You +will perhaps stay but a little while among them. If you lay the state of +your case before any of them, and your brother come to inquire of them, +your uncle's intended mediation will be discovered, and rendered abortive +--I shall appear in a light that I never appeared in, in my life--for these +women may not think themselves obliged to keep the secret. + +Charming fellow! + +Cl. O what difficulties has one fatal step involved me in--but there is +no necessity for such an appeal to any body. I am resolved on my +measures. + +Capt. Absolutely resolved, Madam? + +Cl. I am. + +Capt. What shall I say to your uncle Harlowe, Madam?--Poor gentleman! +how will he be surprised!--You see, Mr. Lovelace--you see, Sir,--turning +to me with a flourishing hand--but you may thank yourself--and admirably +stalked he from us. + +True, by my soul, thought I. I traversed the room, and bit my +unpersuasive lips, now upper, now under, for vexation. + +He made a profound reverence to her--and went to the window, where lay +his hat and whip; and, taking them up, opened the door. Child, said he, +to some body he saw, pray order my servant to bring my horse to the +door-- + +Lovel. You won't go, Sir--I hope you won't!--I am the unhappiest man in +the world!--You won't go--yet, alas!--But you won't go, Sir!--there may +be yet hopes that Lady Betty may have some weight-- + +Capt. Dear Mr. Lovelace! and may not my worthy friend, and affectionate +uncle, hope for some influence upon his daughter-niece?--But I beg pardon +--a letter will always find me disposed to serve the lady, and that as +well for her sake as for the sake of my dear friend. + +She had thrown herself into her chair: her eyes cast down: she was +motionless, as in a profound study. + +The Captain bowed to her again: but met with no return to his bow. Mr. +Lovelace, said he, (with an air of equality and independence,) I am +your's. + +Still the dear unaccountable sat as immovable as a statue; stirring +neither hand, foot, head, nor eye--I never before saw any one in so +profound a reverie in so waking a dream. + +He passed by her to go out at the door she sat near, though the passage +by the other door was his direct way; and bowed again. She moved not. +I will not disturb the lady in her meditations, Sir.--Adieu, Mr. Lovelace +--no farther, I beseech you. + +She started, sighing--Are you going, Sir? + +Capt. I am, Madam. I could have been glad to do you service; but I see +it is not in my power. + +She stood up, holding out one hand, with inimitable dignity and sweetness +--I am sorry you are going, Sir!--can't help it--I have no friend to +advise with--Mr. Lovelace has the art (or good fortune, perhaps I should +call it) to make himself many.--Well, Sir--if you will go, I can't help +it. + +Capt. I will not go, Madam; his eyes twinkling. [Again seized with a +fit of humanity!] I will not go, if my longer stay can do you either +service or pleasure. What, Sir, [turning to me,] what, Mr. Lovelace, was +your expedient;--perhaps something may be offered, Madam-- + +She sighed, and was silent. + +REVENGE, invoked I to myself, keep thy throne in my heart. If the +usurper LOVE once more drive thee from it, thou wilt never again regain +possession! + +Lovel. What I had thought of, what I had intended to propose, [and I +sighed,] was this, that the dear creature, if she will not forgive me, as +she promised, will suspend the displeasure she has conceived against me, +till Lady Betty arrives.--That lady may be the mediatrix between us. +This dear creature may put herself into her protection, and accompany her +down to her seat in Oxfordshire. It is one of her Ladyship's purposes to +prevail on her supposed new niece to go down with her. It may pass to +every one but to Lady Betty, and to you, Captain Tomlinson, and to your +friend Mr. Harlowe (as he desires) that we have been some time married: +and her being with my relations will amount to a proof to James Harlowe +that we are; and our nuptials may be privately, and at this beloved +creature's pleasure, solemnized; and your report, Captain, authenticated. + +Capt. Upon my honour, Madam, clapping his hand upon his breast, a +charming expedient!--This will answer every end. + +She mused--she was greatly perplexed--at last, God direct me! said she: I +know not what to do--a young unfriended creature! Whom can I have to +advise with?--Let me retire, if I can retire. + +She withdrew with slow and trembling feet, and went up to her chamber. + +For Heaven's sake, said the penetrated varlet [his hands lifted up]; for +Heaven's sake, take compassion upon this admirable woman!--I cannot +proceed--she deserves all things-- + +Softly!--d--n the fellow!--the women are coming in. + +He sobbed up his grief--turned about--hemm'd up a more manly accent--Wipe +thy cursed eyes--He did. The sunshine took place on one cheek, and +spread slowly to the other, and the fellow had his whole face again. + +The women all three came in, led by that ever-curious Miss Rawlins. I +told them, that the lady was gone up to consider of every thing: that we +had hopes of her. And such a representation we made of all that had +passed, as brought either tacit or declared blame upon the fair perverse +for hardness of heart and over-delicacy. + +The widow Bevis, in particular, put out one lip, tossed up her head, +wrinkled her forehead, and made such motions with her now lifted-up, now +cast-down eyes, as showed that she thought there was a great deal of +perverseness and affectation in the lady. Now-and-then she changed her +censuring looks to looks of pity of me--but (as she said) she loved not +to aggravate!--A poor business, God help's! shrugging up her shoulders, +to make such a rout about! And then her eyes laughed heartily-- +Indulgence was a good thing! Love was a good thing!--but too much was +too much! + +Miss Rawlins, however, declared, after she had called the widow Bevis, +with a prudish simper, a comical gentlewoman! that there must be +something in our story, which she could not fathom; and went from us into +a corner, and sat down, seemingly vexed that she could not. + + + +LETTER XXXV + +MR. LOVELACE +[IN CONTINUATION.] + + +The lady staid longer above than we wished; and I hoping that (lady-like) +she only waited for an invitation to return to us, desired the widow +Bevis, in the Captain's name, (who wanted to go to town,) to request the +favour of her company. + +I cared not to send up either Miss Rawlins or Mrs. Moore on the errand, +lest my beloved should be in a communicative disposition; especially as +she had hinted at an appeal to Miss Rawlins; who, besides, has such an +unbounded curiosity. + +Mrs. Bevis presently returned with an answer (winking and pinking at me) +that the lady would follow her down. + +Miss Rawlins could not but offer to retire, as the others did. Her eyes, +however, intimated that she had rather stay. But they not being answered +as she seemed to wish, she went with the rest, but with slower feet; and +had hardly left the parlour, when the lady entered it by the other door; +a melancholy dignity in her person and air. + +She sat down. Pray, Mr. Tomlinson, be seated. + +He took his chair over against her. I stood behind her's that I might +give him agreed-upon signals, should there be occasion for them. + +As thus--a wink of the left eye was to signify push that point, Captain. + +A wink of the right, and a nod, was to indicate approbation of what he +had said. + +My fore-finger held up, and biting my lip, get off of that, as fast as +possible. + +A right-forward nod, and a frown, swear to it, Captain. + +My whole spread hand, to take care not to say too much on that particular +subject. + +A scowling brow, and a positive nod, was to bid him rise in temper. + +And these motions I could make, even those with my hand, without holding +up my arm, or moving my wrist, had the women been there; as, when the +motions were agreed upon, I knew not but they would. + +She hemmed--I was going to speak, to spare her supposed confusion: but +this lady never wants presence of mind, when presence of mind is +necessary either to her honour, or to that conscious dignity which +distinguishes her from all the women I ever knew. + +I have been considering, said she, as well as I was able, of every thing +that has passed; and of all that has been said; and of my unhappy +situation. I mean no ill, I wish no ill, to any creature living, Mr. +Tomlinson. I have always delighted to draw favourable rather than +unfavourable conclusions; sometimes, as it has proved, for very bad +hearts. Censoriousness, whatever faults I have, is not naturally my +fault.--But, circumstanced as I am, treated as I have been, unworthily +treated, by a man who is full of contrivances, and glories in them-- + +Lovel. My dearest life!--But I will not interrupt you. + +Cl. Thus treated, it becomes me to doubt--it concerns my honour to +doubt, to fear, to apprehend--your intervention, Sir, is so seasonable, +so kind, for this man--my uncle's expedient, the first of the kind he +ever, I believe, thought of! a plain, honest, good-minded man, as he is, +not affecting such expedients--your report in conformity to it--the +consequences of that report; the alarm taken by my brother; his rash +resolution upon it--the alarm taken by Lady Betty, and the rest of Mr. +Lovelace's relations--the sudden letters written to him upon it, which, +with your's, he showed me--all ceremony, among persons born observers of +ceremony, and entitled to value themselves upon their distinction, +dispensed with--all these things have happened so quick, and some of them +so seasonable-- + +Lovel. Lady Betty, you see, Madam, in her letter, dispenses with +punctilo, avowedly in compliment to you. Charlotte, in her's, professes +to do the same for the same reason. Good Heaven! that the respect +intended you by my relations, who, in every other case, are really +punctilious, should be thus construed! They were glad, Madam, to have an +opportunity to compliment you at my expense. Every one of my family +takes delight in rallying me. But their joy on the supposed occasion-- + +Cl. Do I doubt, Sir, that you have not something to say for any thing +you think fit to do? I am speaking to Captain Tomlinson, Sir. I will +you would be pleased to withdraw--at least to come from behind my chair. + +And she looked at the Captain, observing, no doubt, that his eyes seemed +to take lessons from mine. + +A fair match, by Jupiter! + +The Captain was disconcerted. The dog had not had such a blush upon his +face for ten years before. I bit my lip for vexation: walked about the +room; but nevertheless took my post again; and blinked with my eyes to +the Captain, as a caution for him to take more care of his: and then +scouling with my brows, and giving the nod positive, I as good as said, +resent that, Captain. + +Capt. I hope, Madam, you have no suspicion that I am capable-- + +Cl. Be not displeased with me, Captain Tomlinson. I have told you that +I am not of a suspicious temper. Excuse me for the sake of my sincerity. +There is not, I will be bold to say, a sincerer heart in the world than +her's before you. + +She took out her handkerchief, and put it to her eyes. + +I was going, at that instant, after her example, to vouch for the honesty +of my heart; but my conscience Mennelled upon me; and would not suffer +the meditated vow to pass my lips.--A devilish thing, thought I, for a +man to be so little himself, when he has most occasion for himself! + +The villain Tomlinson looked at me with a rueful face, as if he begged +leave to cry for company. It might have been as well, if he had cried. +A feeling heart, or the tokens of it given by a sensible eye, are very +reputable things, when kept in countenance by the occasion. + +And here let me fairly own to thee, that twenty times in this trying +conversation I said to myself, that could I have thought that I should +have had all this trouble, and incurred all this guilt, I would have been +honest at first. But why, Jack, is this dear creature so lovely, yet so +invincible?--Ever heardst thou before that the sweets of May blossomed in +December? + +Capt. Be pleased--be pleased, Madam--if you have any doubts of my +honour-- + +A whining varlet! He should have been quite angry--For what gave I him +the nod positive? He should have stalked again to the window, as for his +whip and hat. + +Cl. I am only making such observations as my youth, my inexperience, +and my present unhappy circumstances, suggest to me--a worthy heart +(such, I hope, as Captain Tomlinson's) need not fear an examination-- +need not fear being looked into--whatever doubts that man, who has been +the cause of my errors, and, as my severe father imprecated, the punisher +of the errors he has caused, might have had of me, or of my honour, I +would have forgiven him for them, if he had fairly proposed them to me: +for some doubts perhaps such a man might have of the future conduct of a +creature whom he could induce to correspond with him against parental +prohibition, and against the lights which her own judgment threw in upon +her: and if he had propounded them to me like a man and a gentleman, I +would have been glad of the opportunity given me to clear my intentions, +and to have shown myself entitled to his good opinion--and I hope you, +Sir-- + +Capt. I am ready to hear all your doubts, Madam, and to clear them up-- + +Cl. I will only put it, Sir, to your conscience and honour-- + +The dog sat uneasy--he shuffled with his feet--her eye was upon him--he +was, therefore, after the rebuff he had met with, afraid to look at me +for my motions; and now turned his eyes towards me, then from me, as if +he would unlook his own looks. + +Cl. That all is true, that you have written, and that you have told me. + +I gave him a right forward nod, and a frown--as much as to say, swear to +it, Captain. But the varlet did not round it off as I would have had +him. However, he averred that it was. + +He had hoped, he said, that the circumstances with which his commission +was attended, and what he had communicated to her, which he could not +know but from his dear friend, her uncle, might have shielded him even +from the shadow of suspicion. But I am contented, said he, stammering, +to be thought--to be thought--what--what you please to think of me--till, +till, you are satisfied-- + +A whore's-bird! + +Cl. The circumstances you refer to, I must own ought to shield you, +Sir, from suspicion; but the man before you is a man that would make an +angel suspected, should that angel plead for him. + +I came forward,--traversed the room,--was indeed in a bl--dy passion.--I +have no patience, Madam!--and again I bit my unpersuasive lips. + +Cl. No man ought to be impatient at imputations he is not ashamed to +deserve. An innocent man will not be outrageous upon such imputations. +A guilty man ought not. [Most excellently would this charming creature +cap sentences with Lord M.!] But I am not now trying you, Sir, [to me,] +on the foot of your merits. I am only sorry that I am constrained to put +questions to this worthier gentleman, [worthier gentleman, Jack!] which, +perhaps, I ought not to put, so far as they regard himself. And I hope, +Captain Tomlinson, that you, who know not Mr. Lovelace so well, as, to my +unhappiness, I do, and who have children of your own, will excuse a poor +young creature, who is deprived of all worldly protection, and who has +been insulted and endangered by the most designing man in the world, and, +perhaps, by a confederacy of his creatures. + +There she stopt; and stood up, and looked at me; fear, nevertheless, +apparently mingled with her anger.--And so it ought. I was glad, +however, of this poor sign of love; no one fears whom they value not. + +Women's tongues were licensed, I was going to say; but my conscience +would not let me call her a woman; nor use to her so vulgar a phrase. I +could only rave by my motions, lift up my eyes, spread my hands, rub my +face, pull my wig, and look like a fool. Indeed, I had a great mind to +run mad. Had I been alone with her, I would; and she should have taken +consequences. + +The Captain interposed in my behalf; gently, however, and as a man not +quite sure that he was himself acquitted. Some of the pleas we had both +insisted on he again enforced; and, speaking low, Poor gentleman! said +he, who can but pity him? Indeed, Madam, it is easy to see, with all his +failings, the power you have over him! + +Cl. I have no pleasure, Sir, in distressing any one; not even him, who +has so much distressed me. But, Sir, when I THINK, and when I see him +before me, I cannot command my temper! Indeed, indeed, Captain +Tomlinson, Mr. Lovelace has not acted by me either as a grateful or a +generous man, nor even as a prudent one!--He knows not, as I told him +yesterday, the value of the heart he has insulted! + +There the angel stopt; her handkerchief at her eyes. + +O Belford, Belford! that she should so greatly excel, as to make me, at +times, appear as a villain in my own eyes! + +I besought her pardon. I promised that it should be the study of my +whole life to deserve it. My faults, I said, whatever they had been, +were rather faults in her apprehension than in fact. I besought her to +give way to the expedient I had hit upon--I repeated it. The Captain +enforced it, for her uncle's sake. I, once more, for the sake of the +general reconciliation; for the sake of all my family; for the sake of +preventing further mischief. + +She wept. She seemed staggered in her resolution--she turned from me. +I mentioned the letter of Lord M. I besought her to resign to Lady +Betty's mediation all our differences, if she would not forgive me before +she saw her. + +She turned towards me--she was going to speak; but her heart was full, +and again she turned away her eyes,--And do you really and indeed expect +Lady Betty and Miss Montague?--And do you--Again she stopt. + +I answered in a solemn manner. + +She turned from me her whole face, and paused, and seemed to consider. +But, in a passionate accent, again turning towards me, [O how difficult, +Jack, for a Harlowe spirit to forgive!] Let her Ladyship come, if she +pleases, said she, I cannot, cannot, wish to see her; and if I did see +her, and she were to plead for you, I cannot wish to hear her! The more +I think, the less I can forgive an attempt, that I am convinced was +intended to destroy me. [A plaguy strong word for the occasion, +supposing she was right!] What has my conduct been, that an insult of +such a nature should be offered to me, and it would be a weakness in me +to forgive? I am sunk in my own eyes! And how can I receive a visit +that must depress me more? + +The Captain urged her in my favour with greater earnestness than before. +We both even clamoured, as I may say, for mercy and forgiveness. [Didst +thou never hear the good folks talk of taking Heaven by storm?]-- +Contrition repeatedly avowed; a total reformation promised; the happy +expedient again urged. + +Cl. I have taken my measures. I have gone too far to recede, or to +wish to recede. My mind is prepared for adversity. That I have not +deserved the evils I have met with is my consolation; I have written to +Miss Howe what my intentions are. My heart is not with you--it is +against you, Mr. Lovelace. I had not written to you as I did in the +letter I left behind me, had I not resolved, whatever became of me, to +renounce you for ever. + +I was full of hope now. Severe as her expressions were, I saw she was +afraid that I should think of what she had written. And, indeed, her +letter is violence itself.--Angry people, Jack, should never write while +their passion holds. + +Lovel. The severity you have shown me, Madam, whether by pen or by +speech, shall never have place in my remembrance, but for your honor. In +the light you have taken things, all is deserved, and but the natural +result of virtuous resentment; and I adore you, even for the pangs you +have given me. + +She was silent. She had employment enough with her handkerchief at her +eyes. + +Lovel. You lament, sometimes, that you have no friends of your own sex +to consult with. Miss Rawlins, I must confess, is too inquisitive to be +confided in, [I liked not, thou mayest think, her appeal to Miss +Rawlins.] She may mean well. But I never in my life knew a person, who +was fond of prying into the secrets of others, that was fit to be +trusted. The curiosity of such is governed by pride, which is not +gratified but by whispering about a secret till it becomes public, in +order to show either their consequence, or their sagacity. It is so in +every case. What man or woman, who is covetous of power, or of making +a right use of it? But in the ladies of my family you may confide. It +is their ambition to think of you as one of themselves. Renew but your +consent to pass to the world, for the sake of your uncle's expedient, and +for the prevention of mischief, as a lady some time married. Lady Betty +may be acquainted with the naked truth; and you may, (as she hopes you +will,) accompany her to her seat; and, if it must be so, consider me as +in a state of penitence or probation, to be accepted or rejected, as I +may appear to deserve. + +The Captain again clapt his hands on his breast, and declared, upon his +honour, that this was a proposal that, were the case that of his own +daughter, and she were not resolved upon immediate marriage, (which yet +he thought by far the more eligible choice,) he should be very much +concerned were she to refuse it. + +Cl. Were I with Mr. Lovelace's relations, and to pass as his wife to +the world, I could not have any choice. And how could he be then in a +state of probation?--O Mr. Tomlinson, you are too much his friend to see +into his drift. + +Capt. His friend, Madam, as I said before, as I am your's and your +uncle's, for the sake of a general reconciliation, which must begin with +a better understanding between yourselves. + +Lovel. Only, my dearest life, resolve to attend the arrival and visit +of Lady Betty; and permit her to arbitrate between us. + +Capt. There can be no harm in that, Madam. You can suffer no +inconvenience from that. If Mr. Lovelace's offence be such, that a woman +of Lady Betty's character judges it to be unpardonable, why then-- + +Cl. [Interrupting; and to me,] If I am not invaded by you, Sir; if I +am, (as I ought to be,) my own mistress, I think to stay here, in this +honest house, [and then had I an eye-beam, as the Captain calls it, +flashed at me,] till I receive a letter from Miss Howe. That, I hope, +will be in a day or two. If in that time the ladies come whom you +expect, and if they are desirous to see the creature whom you have made +unhappy, I shall know whether I can or cannot receive their visit. + +She turned short to the door, and, retiring, went up stairs to her +chamber. + +O Sir, said the Captain, as soon as she was gone, what an angel of a +woman is this! I have been, and I am a very wicked man. But if any +thing should happen amiss to this admirable lady, through my means, I +shall have more cause for self-reproach than for all the bad actions +of my life put together. + +And his eyes glistened. + +Nothing can happen amiss, thou sorrowful dog!--What can happen amiss? +Are we to form our opinion of things by the romantic notions of a girl, +who supposes that to be the greatest which is the slightest of evils? +Have I not told thee our whole story? Has she not broken her promise? +Did I not generously spare her, when in my power? I was decent, though +I had her at such advantage.--Greater liberties have I taken with girls +of character at a common romping 'bout, and all has been laughed off, +and handkerchief and head-clothes adjusted, and petticoats shaken to +rights, in my presence. Never man, in the like circumstances, and +resolved as I was resolved, goaded on as I was goaded on, as well by her +own sex, as by the impulses of a violent passion, was ever so decent. +Yet what mercy does she show me? + +Now, Jack, this pitiful dog was such another unfortunate one as thyself +--his arguments serving to confirm me in the very purpose he brought them +to prevail upon me to give up. Had he left me to myself, to the +tenderness of my own nature, moved as I was when the lady withdrew, and +had he set down, and made odious faces, and said nothing--it is very +possible that I should have taken the chair over against him, which she +had quitted, and have cried and blubbered with him for half an hour +together. But the varlet to argue with me!--to pretend to convince a +man, who knows in is heart that he is doing a wrong thing!--He must needs +think that this would put me upon trying what I could say for myself; and +when the extended compunction can be carried from the heart to the lips +it must evaporate in words. + +Thou, perhaps, in this place, wouldst have urged the same pleas that he +urged. What I answered to him therefore may do for thee, and spare thee +the trouble of writing, and me of reading, a good deal of nonsense. + +Capt. You were pleased to tell me, Sir, that you only proposed to try +her virtue; and that you believed you should actually marry her. + +Lovel. So I shall, and cannot help it. I have no doubt but I shall. +And as to trying her, is she not now in the height of her trial? Have I +not reason to think that she is coming about? Is she not now yielding up +her resentment for an attempt which she thinks she ought not to forgive? +And if she do, may she not forgive the last attempt?--Can she, in a word, +resent that more than she does this? Women often, for their own sakes, +will keep the last secret; but will ostentatiously din the ears of gods +and men with their clamours upon a successless offer. It was my folly, +my weakness, that I gave her not more cause for this her unsparing +violence! + +Capt. O Sir, you will never be able to subdue this lady without force. + +Lovel. Well, then, puppy, must I not endeavour to find a proper time +and place-- + +Capt. Forgive me, Sir! but can you think of force to such a fine +creature? + +Lovel. Force, indeed, I abhor the thought of; and for what, thinkest +thou, have I taken all the pains I have taken, and engaged so many +persons in my cause, but to avoid the necessity of violent compulsion? +But yet, imaginest thou that I expect direct consent from such a lover of +forms as this lady is known to be! Let me tell thee, M'Donald, that thy +master, Belford, has urged on thy side of the question all that thou +canst urge. Must I have every sorry fellow's conscience to pacify, as +well as my own?--By my soul, Patrick, she has a friend here, [clapping my +hand on my breast,] that pleads for her with greater and more +irresistible eloquence than all the men in the world can plead for her. +And had she not escaped me--And yet how have I answered my first design +of trying her,* and in her the virtue of the most virtuous of the sex?-- +Perseverance, man!--Perseverance!--What! wouldst thou have me decline a +trial that they make for the honour of a sex we all so dearly love? + + +* See Vol. III. Letter XVIII. + + +Then, Sir, you have no thoughts--no thoughts--[looking still more +sorrowfully,] of marrying this wonderful lady? + +Yes, yes, Patrick, but I have. But let me, first, to gratify my pride, +bring down her's. Let me see, that she loves me well enough to forgive +me for my own sake. Has she not heretofore lamented that she staid not +in her father's house, though the consequence must have been, if she had, +that she would have been the wife of the odious Solmes? If now she be +brought to consent to be mine, seest thou not that the reconciliation +with her detested relations is the inducement, as it always was, and not +love of me?--Neither her virtue nor her love can be established but upon +full trial; the last trial--but if her resistance and resentment be such +as hitherto I have reason to expect they will be, and if I find in that +resentment less of hatred of me than of the fact, then shall she be mine +in her own way. Then, hateful as is the life of shackles to me, will I +marry her. + +Well, Sir, I can only say, that I am dough in your hands, to be moulded +into what shape you please. But if, as I said before-- + +None of thy Said-before's, Patrick. I remember all thou saidst--and I +know all thou canst farther say--thou art only, Pontius Pilate like, +washing thine own hands, (don't I know thee?) that thou mayest have +something to silence thy conscience with by loading me. But we have gone +too far to recede. Are not all our engines in readiness? Dry up thy +sorrowful eyes. Let unconcern and heart's ease once more take possession +of thy solemn features. Thou hast hitherto performed extremely well.-- +Shame not thy past by thy future behaviour; and a rich reward awaits +thee. If thou art dough be dough; and I slapt him on the shoulder-- +Resume but thy former shape, and I'll be answerable for the event. + +He bowed assent and compliance; went to the glass; and began to untwist +and unsadden his features; pulled his wig right, as if that, as well as +his head and heart had been discomposed by his compunction, and once more +became old Lucifer's and mine. + +But didst thou think, Jack, that there was so much--What-shall-I-call-it? +--in this Tomlinson? Didst thou imagine that such a fellow as that had +bowels? That nature, so long dead and buried in him, as to all humane +effects, should thus revive and exert itself?--Yet why do I ask this +question of thee, who, to my equal surprise, hast shown, on the same +occasion, the like compassionate sensibilities? + +As to Tomlinson, it looks as if poverty had made him the wicked fellow he +is; as plenty and wantonness have made us what we are. Necessity, after +all, is the test of principle. But what is there in this dull word, or +thing, called HONESTY, that even I, who cannot in my present views be +served by it, cannot help thinking even the accidental emanations of it +amiable in Tomlinson, though demonstrated in a female case; and judging +better of him for being capable of such? + + + +LETTER XXXVI + +MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. + + +This debate between the Captain and me was hardly over when the three +women, led by Miss Rawlins, entered, hoping no intrusion, but very +desirous, the maiden said, to know if we were likely to accommodate. + +O yes, I hope so. You know, Ladies, that your sex must, in these cases, +preserve their forms. They must be courted to comply with their own +happiness. A lucky expedient we have hit upon. The uncle has his doubts +of our marriage. He cannot believe, nor will any body, that it is +possible that a man so much in love, the lady so desirable-- + +They all took the hint. It was a very extraordinary case, the two widows +allowed. Women, Jack, [as I believe I have observed* elsewhere,] have a +high opinion of what they can do for us. Miss Rawlins desired, if I +pleased, to let them know the expedient; and looked as if there was no +need to proceed in the rest of my speech. + + +* See Letter XXIV. of this volume. + + +I begged that they would not let the lady know I had told them what this +expedient was; and they should hear it. + +They promised. + +It was this: that to oblige and satisfy Mr. Harlowe, the ceremony was to +be again performed. He was to be privately present, and to give his +niece to me with his own hands--and she was retired to consider of it. + +Thou seest, Jack, that I have provided an excuse, to save my veracity to +the women here, in case I should incline to marriage, and she should +choose to have Miss Rawlins's assistance at the ceremony. Nor doubted I +to bring my fair-one to save my credit on this occasion, if I could get +her to consent to be mine. + +A charming expedient! cried the widow. They were all three ready to clap +their hands for joy upon it. Women love to be married twice at least, +Jack; though not indeed to the same man. And all blessed the +reconciliatory scheme and the proposer of it; and, supposing it came from +the Captain, they looked at him with pleasure, while his face shined with +the applause implied. He should think himself very happy, if he could +bring about a general reconciliation; and he flourished with his head +like my man Will. on his victory over old Grimes; bridling by turns, like +Miss Rawlins in the height of a prudish fit. + +But now it was time for the Captain to think of returning to town, having +a great deal of business to dispatch before morning. Nor was he certain +that he should be able again to attend us at Hampstead before he went +home. + +And yet, as every thing was drawing towards a crisis, I did not intend +that he should leave Hampstead that night. + +A message to the above effect was carried up, at my desire, by Mrs. +Moore; with the Captain's compliments, and to know if she had any +commands for him to her uncle? + +But I hinted to the women, that it would be proper for them to withdraw, +if the lady did come down; lest she should not care to be so free before +them on a proposal so particular, as she would be to us, who had offered +it to her consideration. + +Mrs. Moore brought down word that the lady was following her. They all +three withdrew; and she entered at one door, as they went out at the +other. + +The Captain accosted her, repeating the contents of the message sent up; +and desired that she would give him her commands in relation to the +report he was to make to her uncle Harlowe. + +I know not what to say, Sir, nor what I would have you to say, to my +uncle--perhaps you may have business in town--perhaps you need not see my +uncle till I have heard from Miss Howe; till after Lady Betty--I don't +know what to say. + +I implored the return of that value which she had so generously +acknowledged once to have had for me. I presumed, I said, to flatter +myself that Lady Betty, in her own person, and in the name of all my +family, would be able, on my promised reformation and contrition, to +prevail in my favour, especially as our prospects in other respects with +regard to the general reconciliation wished for were so happy. But let +me owe to your own generosity, my dearest creature, said I, rather than +to the mediation of any person on earth, the forgiveness I am an humble +suitor for. How much more agreeable to yourself, O best beloved of my +soul, must it be, as well as obliging to me, that your first personal +knowledge of my relations, and theirs of you, (for they will not be +denied attending you) should not be begun in recriminations, in appeals? +As Lady Betty will be here soon, it will not perhaps be possible for you +to receive her visit with a brow absolutely serene. But, dearest, +dearest creature, I beseech you, let the misunderstanding pass as a +slight one--as a misunderstanding cleared up. Appeals give pride and +superiority to the persons appealed to, and are apt to lessen the +appellant, not only in their eye, but in her own. Exalt not into judges +those who are prepared to take lessons and instructions from you. The +individuals of my family are as proud as I am said to be. But they will +cheerfully resign to your superiority--you will be the first woman of the +family in every one's eyes. + +This might have done with any other woman in the world but this; and yet +she is the only woman in the world of whom it may with truth be said. +But thus, angrily, did she disclaim the compliment. + +Yes, indeed!--[and there she stopt a moment, her sweet bosom heaving with +a noble disdain]--cheated out of myself from the very first!--A fugitive +from my own family! Renounced by my relations! Insulted by you!--Laying +humble claim to the protection of your's!--Is not this the light in which +I must appear not only to the ladies of your family, but to all the +world?--Think you, Sir, that in these circumstances, or even had I been +in the happiest, that I could be affected by this plea of undeserved +superiority?--You are a stranger to the mind of Clarissa Harlowe, if you +think her capable of so poor and so undue a pride! + +She went from us to the farther end of the room. + +The Captain was again affected--Excellent creature! I called her; and, +reverently approaching her, urged farther the plea I had last made. + +It is but lately, said I, that the opinions of my relations have been +more than indifferent to me, whether good or bad; and it is for your +sake, more than for my own, that I now wish to stand well with my whole +family. The principal motive of Lady Betty's coming up, is, to purchase +presents for the whole family to make on the happy occasion. + +This consideration, turning to the Captain, with so noble-minded a dear +creature, I know, can have no weight; only as it will show their value +and respect. But what a damp would their worthy hearts receive, were +they to find their admired new niece, as they now think her, not only not +their niece, but capable of renouncing me for ever! They love me. They +all love me. I have been guilty of carelessness and levity to them, +indeed; but of carelessness and levity only; and that owing to a pride +that has set me above meanness, though it has not done every thing for +me. + +My whole family will be guaranties for my good behaviour to this dear +creature, their niece, their daughter, their cousin, their friend, their +chosen companion and directress, all in one.--Upon my soul, Captain, we +may, we must be happy. + +But, dearest, dearest creature, let me on my knees [and down I dropt, her +face all the time turned half from me, as she stood at the window, her +handkerchief often at her eyes] on my knees let me plead your promised +forgiveness; and let us not appear to them, on their visit, thus unhappy +with each other. Lady Betty, the next hour that she sees you, will write +her opinion of you, and of the likelihood of our future happiness, to +Lady Sarah her sister, a weak-spirited woman, who now hopes to supply to +herself, in my bride, the lost daughter she still mourns for! + +The Captain then joined in, and re-urged her uncle's hopes and +expectations, and his resolution effectually to set about the general +reconciliation; the mischief that might be prevented; and the certainty +that there was that her uncle might be prevailed on to give her to me +with his own hand, if she made it her choice to wait for his coming up. +but, for his own part, he humbly advised, and fervently pressed her, to +make the very next day, or Monday at farthest, my happy day. + +Permit me, dearest lady, said he, and I could kneel to you myself, +[bending his knee,] though I have no interest in my earnestness, but the +pleasure I should have to be able to serve you all, to beseech you to +give me an opportunity to assure your uncle that I myself saw with my own +eyes the happy knot tied!--All misunderstandings, all doubts, all +diffidences, will then be at an end. + +And what, Madam, rejoined I, still kneeling, can there be in your new +measures, be they what they will, that can so happily, so reputably, I +will presume to say, for all around, obviate the present difficulties? + +Miss Howe herself, if she love you, and if she love your fame, Madam, +urged the Captain, his knee still bent, must congratulate you on such +happy conclusion. + +Then turning her face, she saw the Captain half-kneeling--O Sir! O Capt. +Tomlinson!--Why this undue condescension? extending her hand to his +elbow, to raise him. I cannot bear this!--Then casting her eye on me, +Rise, Mr. Lovelace--kneel not to the poor creature whom you have +insulted!--How cruel the occasion for it!--And how mean the submission! + +Not mean to such an angel!--Nor can I rise but to be forgiven! + +The Captain then re-urged once more the day--he was amazed, he said, if +she ever valued me-- + +O Captain Tomlinson, interrupted she, how much are you the friend of this +man!--If I had never valued him, he never would have had it in his power +to insult me; nor could I, if I had never regarded him, have taken to +heart as I do, the insult (execrable as it was) so undeservedly, so +ungratefully given--but let him retire--for a moment let him retire. + +I was more than half afraid to trust the Captain by himself with her. He +gave me a sign that I might depend upon him. And then I took out of my +pocket his letter to me, and Lady Betty's and Miss Montague's, and Lord +M.'s letters (which last she had not then seen); and giving them to him, +procure for me, in the first place, Mr. Tomlinson, a re-perusal of these +three letters; and of this from Lord M. And I beseech you, my dearest +life, give them due consideration: and let me on my return find the happy +effects of that consideration. + +I then withdrew; with slow feet, however, and a misgiving heart. + +The Captain insisted upon this re-perusal previously to what she had to +say to him, as he tells me. She complied, but with some difficulty; as +if she were afraid of being softened in my favour. + +She lamented her unhappy situation; destitute of friends, and not knowing +whither to go, or what to do. She asked questions, sifting-questions, +about her uncle, about her family, and after what he knew of Mr. +Hickman's fruitless application in her favour. + +He was well prepared in this particular; for I had shown him the letters +and extracts of letter of Miss Howe, which I had so happily come at.* +Might she be assured, she asked him, that her brother, with Singleton and +Solmes, were actually in quest of her? + + +* Vol. IV. Letter XLIV. + + +He averred that they were. + +She asked, if he thought I had hopes of prevailing on her to go back to +town? + +He was sure I had not. + +Was he really of opinion that Lady Betty would pay her a visit? + +He had no doubt of it. + +But, Sir; but, Captain Tomlinson--[impatiently turning from him, and +again to him] I know not what to do--but were I your daughter, Sir--were +you my own father--Alas! Sir, I have neither father nor mother! + +He turned from her and wiped his eyes. + +O Sir! you have humanity! [She wept too.] There are some men in the +world, thank Heaven, that can be moved. O Sir, I have met with hard- +hearted men--in my own family too--or I could not have been so unhappy +as I am--but I make every body unhappy! + +His eyes no doubt ran over.-- + +Dearest Madam! Heavenly Lady!--Who can--who can--hesitated and blubbered +the dog, as he owned. And indeed I heard some part of what passed, +though they both talked lower than I wished; for, from the nature of +their conversation, there was no room for altitudes. + +THEM, and BOTH, and THEY!--How it goes against me to include this angel +of a creature, and any man on earth but myself, in one world! + +Capt. Who can forbear being affected?--But, Madam, you can be no other +man's. + +Cl. Nor would I be. But he is so sunk with me!--To fire the house!--An +artifice so vile!--contrived for the worst of purposes!--Would you have a +daughter of your's--But what would I say?--Yet you see that I have nobody +in whom I can confide!--Mr. Lovelace is a vindictive man!--He could not +love the creature whom he could insult as he has insulted me! + +She paused. And then resuming--in short, I never, never can forgive him, +nor he me.--Do you think, Sir, I never would have gone so far as I have +gone, if I had intended ever to draw with him in one yoke?--I left behind +me such a letter-- + +You know, Madam, he has acknowledged the justice of your resentment-- + +O Sir, he can acknowledge, and he can retract, fifty times a day--but do +not think I am trifling with myself and you, and want to be persuaded to +forgive him, and to be his. There is not a creature of my sex, who would +have been more explicit, and more frank, than I would have been, from the +moment I intended to be his, had I a heart like my own to deal with. I +was always above reserve, Sir, I will presume to say, where I had no +cause of doubt. Mr. Lovelace's conduct has made me appear, perhaps, +over-nice, when my heart wanted to be encouraged and assured! and when, +if it had been so, my whole behaviour would have been governed by it. + +She stopt; her handkerchief at her eyes. + +I inquired after the minutest part of her behaviour, as well as after her +words. I love, thou knowest, to trace human nature, and more +particularly female nature, through its most secret recesses. + +The pitiful fellow was lost in silent admiration of her. And thus the +noble creature proceeded. + +It is the fate in unequal unions, that tolerable creatures, through them, +frequently incur censure, when more happily yoked they might be entitled +to praise. And shall I not shun a union with a man, that might lead into +errors a creature who flatters herself that she is blest with an +inclination to be good; and who wishes to make every one happy with whom +she has any connection, even to her very servants? + +She paused, taking a turn about the room--the fellow, devil fetch him, a +mummy all the time:--Then proceeded. + +Formerly, indeed, I hoped to be an humble mean of reforming him. But, +when I have no such hope, is it right [you are a serious man, Sir] to +make a venture that shall endanger my own morals? + +Still silent was the varlet. If my advocate had nothing to say for me, +what hope of carrying my cause? + +And now, Sir, what is the result of all?--It is this--that you will +endeavour, if you have that influence over him which a man of your sense +and experience ought to have, to prevail upon him, and that for his own +sake, as well as for mine, to leave me free, to pursue my own destiny. +And of this you may assure him, that I will never be any other man's. + +Impossible, Madam! I know that Mr. Lovelace would not hear me with +patience on such a topic. And I do assure you that I have some spirit, +and should not care to take an indignity from him or from any man living. + +She paused--then resuming--and think you, Sir, that my uncle will refuse +to receive a letter from me? [How averse, Jack, to concede a tittle in +my favour!] + +I know, Madam, as matters are circumstanced, that he would not answer it. +If you please I will carry one down from you. + +And will he not pursue his intentions in my favour, nor be himself +reconciled to me, except I am married? + +From what your brother gives out, and effects to believe, on Mr. +Lovelace's living with you in the same-- + +No more, Sir--I am an unhappy creature! + +He then re-urged, that it would be in her power instantly, or on the +morrow, to put an end to all her difficulties. + +How can that be? said she: the license still to be obtained? The +settlements still to be signed? Miss Howe's answer to my last +unreceived?--And shall I, Sir, be in such a HURRY, as if I thought my +honour in danger if I delayed? Yet marry the man from whom only it can +be endangered!--Unhappy, thrice unhappy Clarissa Harlowe!--In how many +difficulties has one rash step involved thee!--And she turned from him +and wept. + +The varlet, by way of comfort, wept too: yet her tears, as he might have +observed, were tears that indicated rather a yielding than a perverse +temper. + +There is a sort of stone, thou knowest, so soft in the quarry, that it +may in manner be cut with a knife; but if the opportunity not be taken, +and it is exposed to the air for any time, it will become as hard as +marble, and then with difficulty it yields to the chisel.* So this lady, +not taken at the moment, after a turn or two across the room, gained more +resolution! and then she declared, as she had done once before, that she +would wait the issue of Miss Howe's answer to the letter she had sent her +from hence, and take her measures accordingly--leaving it to him, mean +time, to make what report he thought fit to her uncle--the kindest that +truth could bear, she doubted not from Captain Tomlinson: and she should +be glad of a few lines from him, to hear what that was. + + +* The nature of the Bath stone, in particular. + + +She wished him a good journey. She complained of her head; and was about +to withdraw: but I stept round to the door next the stairs, as if I had +but just come in from the garden (which, as I entered, I called a very +pretty one) and took her reluctant hand as she was going out: My dearest +life, you are not going?--What hopes, Captain?--Have you not some hopes +to give me of pardon and reconciliation? + +She said she would not be detained. But I would not let her go till she +had promised to return, when the Captain had reported to me what her +resolution was. + +And when he had, I sent up and claimed her promise; and she came down +again, and repeated (as what she was determined upon) that she would wait +for Miss Howe's answers to the letter she had written to her, and take +her measures according to its contents. + +I expostulated with her upon it, in the most submissive and earnest +manner. She made it necessary for me to repeat many of the pleas I had +before urged. The Captain seconded me with equal earnestness. At last, +each fell down on our knees before her. + +She was distressed. I was afraid at one time she would have fainted. +Yet neither of us would rise without some concessions. I pleaded my own +sake; the Captain, his dear friend, her uncle's; and both re-pleaded the +prevention of future mischief; and the peace and happiness of the two +families. + +She owned herself unequal to the conflict. She sighed. She sobbed. She +wept. She wrung her hands. + +I was perfectly eloquent in my vows and protestations. Her tearful eyes +were cast down upon me; a glow upon each charming cheek; a visible +anguish in every lovely feature--at last, her trembling knees seemed to +fail her, she dropt into the next chair; her charming face, as if seeking +for a hiding place (which a mother's bosom would have best supplied) +sinking upon her own shoulder. + +I forgot at the instant all my vows of revenge. I threw myself at her +feet, as she sat; and, snatching her hand, pressed it with my lips. I +besought Heaven to forgive my past offences, and prosper my future hopes, +as I designed honourably and justly by the charmer of my heart, if once +more she should restore me to her favour. And I thought I felt drops of +scalding water [could they be tears?] trickle down upon my cheeks; while +my cheeks, glowing like fire, seemed to scorch up the unwelcome +strangers. + +I then arose, not doubting of an implied pardon in this silent distress. +I raised the Captain. I whispered him--by my soul, man, I am in earnest. +--Now talk of reconciliation, of her uncle, of the license, of settlement +--and raising my voice, If now at last, Captain Tomlinson, my angel will +give me leave to call so great a blessing mine, it will be impossible +that you should say too much to her uncle in praise of my gratitude, my +affection, and fidelity to his charming niece; and he may begin as soon +as he pleases his kind schemes for effecting the desirable +reconciliation!--Nor shall he prescribe any terms to me that I will not +comply with. + +The Captain blessed me with his eyes and hands--Thank God! whispered he. +We approached the lady together. + +Capt. What hinders, dearest Madam, what now hinders, but that Lady +Betty Lawrance, when she comes, may be acquainted with the truth of every +thing? And that then she may assist privately at your nuptials? I will +stay till they are celebrated; and then shall go down with the happy +tidings to my dear Mr. Harlowe. And all will, all must, soon be happy. + +I must have an answer from Miss Howe, replied the still trembling fair- +one. I cannot change my new measures but with her advice. I will +forfeit all my hopes of happiness in this world, rather than forfeit her +good opinion, and that she should think me giddy, unsteady, or +precipitate. All I shall further say on the present subject is this, +that when I have her answer to what I have written, I will write to her +the whole state of the matter, as I shall then be enabled to do. + +Lovel. Then must I despair for ever!--O Captain Tomlinson, Miss Howe +hates me!--Miss Howe-- + +Capt. Not so, perhaps--when Miss Howe knows your concern for having +offended, she will never advise that, with such prospects of general +reconciliation, the hopes of so many considerable persons in both +families should be frustrated. Some little time, as this excellent +lady had foreseen and hinted, will necessarily be taken up in actually +procuring the license, and in perusing and signing the settlements. In +that time Miss Howe's answer may be received; and Lady Betty may arrive; +and she, no doubt, will have weight to dissipate the lady's doubts, and +to accelerate the day. It shall be my part, mean time, to make Mr. +Harlowe easy. All I fear is from Mr. James Harlowe's quarter; and +therefore all must be conducted with prudence and privacy: as your uncle, +Madam, has proposed. + +She was silent, I rejoiced in her silence. The dear creature, thought I, +has actually forgiven me in her heart!--But why will she not lay me under +obligation to her, by the generosity of an explicit declaration?--And +yet, as that would not accelerate any thing, while the license is not in +my hands, she is the less to be blamed (if I do her justice) for taking +more time to descend. + +I proposed, as on the morrow night, to go to town; and doubted not to +bring the license up with me on Monday morning; would she be pleased to +assure me, that she would not depart form Mrs. Moore's. + +She should stay at Mrs. Moore's till she had an answer from Miss Howe. + +I told her that I hoped I might have her tacit consent at least to the +obtaining of the license. + +I saw by the turn of her countenance that I should not have asked this +question. She was so far from tacitly consenting, that she declared to +the contrary. + +As I never intended, I said, to ask her to enter again into a house, with +the people of which she was so much offended, would she be pleased to +give orders for her clothes to be brought up hither? Or should Dorcas +attend her for any of her commands on that head? + +She desired not ever more to see any body belonging to that house. She +might perhaps get Mrs. Moore or Mrs. Bevis to go thither for her, and +take her keys with them. + +I doubted not, I said, that Lady Betty would arrive by that time. I +hoped she had no objection to my bringing that lady and my cousin +Montague up with me? + +She was silent. + +To be sure, Mr. Lovelace, said the Captain, the lady can have no +objection to this. + +She was still silent. So silence in this case was assent. + +Would she be pleased to write to Miss Howe?-- + +Sir! Sir! peevishly interrupting--no more questions; no prescribing to me +--you will do as you think fit--so will I, as I please. I own no +obligation to you. Captain Tomlinson, your servant. Recommend me to my +uncle Harlowe's favour. And was going. + +I took her reluctant hand, and besought her only to promise to meet me +early in the morning. + +To what purpose meet you? Have you more to say than has been said? I +have had enough of vows and protestations, Mr. Lovelace. To what purpose +should I meet you to-morrow morning? + +I repeated my request, and that in the most fervent manner, naming six in +the morning. + +'You know that I am always stirring before that hour, at this season of +the year,' was the half-expressed consent. + +She then again recommended herself to her uncle's favour; and withdrew. + +And thus, Belford, has she mended her markets, as Lord M. would say, and +I worsted mine. Miss Howe's next letter is now the hinge on which the +fate of both must turn. I shall be absolutely ruined and undone, if I +cannot intercept it. + +END OF VOL.5 + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Clarissa, Volume 5 (of 9), by Samuel Richardson + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10799 *** |