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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10783 ***
+
+SAILORS' KNOTS
+
+By W.W. Jacobs
+
+
+1909
+
+
+
+SELF-HELP
+
+
+The night-watchman sat brooding darkly over life and its troubles.  A
+shooting corn on the little toe of his left foot, and a touch of liver,
+due, he was convinced, to the unlawful cellar work of the landlord of the
+Queen's Head, had induced in him a vein of profound depression.  A
+discarded boot stood by his side, and his gray-stockinged foot protruded
+over the edge of the jetty until a passing waterman gave it a playful rap
+with his oar.  A subsequent inquiry as to the price of pigs' trotters
+fell on ears rendered deaf by suffering.
+
+"I might 'ave expected it," said the watchman, at last.  "I done that
+man--if you can call him a man--a kindness once, and this is my reward
+for it.  Do a man a kindness, and years arterwards 'e comes along and
+hits you over your tenderest corn with a oar."
+
+[Illustration: "''E comes along and hits you over your tenderest corn
+with a oar.'"]
+
+He took up his boot, and, inserting his foot with loving care, stooped
+down and fastened the laces.
+
+Do a man a kindness, he continued, assuming a safer posture, and 'e tries
+to borrow money off of you; do a woman a kindness and she thinks you want
+tr marry 'er; do an animal a kindness and it tries to bite you--same as a
+horse bit a sailorman I knew once, when 'e sat on its head to 'elp it get
+up.  He sat too far for'ard, pore chap.
+
+Kindness never gets any thanks.  I remember a man whose pal broke 'is leg
+while they was working together unloading a barge; and he went off to
+break the news to 'is pal's wife.  A kind-'earted man 'e was as ever you
+see, and, knowing 'ow she would take on when she 'eard the news, he told
+her fust of all that 'er husband was killed.  She took on like a mad
+thing, and at last, when she couldn't do anything more and 'ad quieted
+down a bit, he told 'er that it was on'y a case of a broken leg, thinking
+that 'er joy would be so great that she wouldn't think anything of that.
+He 'ad to tell her three times afore she understood 'im, and then,
+instead of being thankful to 'im for 'is thoughtfulness, she chased him
+'arf over Wapping with a chopper, screaming with temper.
+
+I remember Ginger Dick and Peter Russet trying to do old Sam Small a
+kindness one time when they was 'aving a rest ashore arter a v'y'ge.
+They 'ad took a room together as usual, and for the fust two or three
+days they was like brothers.  That couldn't last, o' course, and Sam was
+so annoyed one evening at Ginger's suspiciousness by biting a 'arf-dollar
+Sam owed 'im and finding it was a bad 'un, that 'e went off to spend the
+evening all alone by himself.
+
+He felt a bit dull at fust, but arter he had 'ad two or three 'arf-pints
+'e began to take a brighter view of things.  He found a very nice, cosey
+little public-'ouse he hadn't been in before, and, arter getting two and
+threepence and a pint for the 'arf-dollar with Ginger's tooth-marks on,
+he began to think that the world wasn't 'arf as bad a place as people
+tried to make out.
+
+There was on'y one other man in the little bar Sam was in--a tall, dark
+chap, with black side-whiskers and spectacles, wot kept peeping round the
+partition and looking very 'ard at everybody that came in.
+
+"I'm just keeping my eye on 'em, cap'n," he ses to Sam, in a low voice.
+
+"Ho!" ses Sam.
+
+"They don't know me in this disguise," ses the dark man, "but I see as
+'ow you spotted me at once.  Anybody 'ud have a 'ard time of it to
+deceive you; and then they wouldn't gain nothing by it."
+
+"Nobody ever 'as yet," ses Sam, smiling at 'im.
+
+"And nobody ever will," ses the dark man, shaking his 'cad; "if they was
+all as fly as you, I might as well put the shutters up.  How did you twig
+I was a detective officer, cap'n?"
+
+Sam, wot was taking a drink, got some beer up 'is nose with surprise.
+
+"That's my secret," he ses, arter the tec 'ad patted 'im on the back and
+brought 'im round.
+
+"You're a marvel, that's wot you are," ses the tec, shaking his 'ead.
+"Have one with me."
+
+Sam said he didn't mind if 'e did, and arter drinking each other's
+healths very perlite 'e ordered a couple o' twopenny smokes, and by way
+of showing off paid for 'em with 'arf a quid.
+
+"That's right, ain't it?" ses the barmaid, as he stood staring very 'ard
+at the change.  "I ain't sure about that 'arf-crown, now I come to look
+at it; but it's the one you gave me."
+
+Pore Sam, with a tec standing alongside of 'im, said it was quite right,
+and put it into 'is pocket in a hurry and began to talk to the tec as
+fast as he could about a murder he 'ad been reading about in the paper
+that morning.  They went and sat down by a comfortable little fire that
+was burning in the bar, and the tec told 'im about a lot o' murder cases
+he 'ad been on himself.
+
+"I'm down 'ere now on special work," he ses, "looking arter sailormen."
+
+"Wot ha' they been doing?"  ses Sam.
+
+"When I say looking arter, I mean protecting 'em," ses the tec.  "Over
+and over agin some pore feller, arter working 'ard for months at sea,
+comes 'ome with a few pounds in 'is pocket and gets robbed of the lot.
+There's a couple o' chaps down 'ere I'm told off to look arter special,
+but it's no good unless I can catch 'em red-'anded."
+
+"Red-'anded?" ses Sam.
+
+"With their hands in the chap's pockets, I mean," ses the tec.
+
+Sam gave a shiver.  "Somebody had their 'ands in my pockets once," he
+ses.  "Four pun ten and some coppers they got."
+
+"Wot was they like?" ses the tee, starting.
+
+Sam shook his 'ead.  "They seemed to me to be all hands, that's all I
+know about 'em," he ses.  "Arter they 'ad finished they leaned me up agin
+the dock wall an' went off."
+
+"It sounds like 'em," ses the tec, thoughtfully.  "It was Long Pete and
+Fair Alf, for a quid; that's the two I'm arter."
+
+He put his finger in 'is weskit-pocket.  "That's who I am," he ses,
+'anding Sam a card; "Detective-Sergeant Cubbins.  If you ever get into
+any trouble at any time, you come to me."
+
+Sam said 'e would, and arter they had 'ad another drink together the tec
+shifted 'is seat alongside of 'im and talked in his ear.
+
+"If I can nab them two chaps I shall get promotion," he ses; "and it's a
+fi'-pun note to anybody that helps me.  I wish I could persuade you to."
+
+"'Ow's it to be done?" ses Sam, looking at 'im.
+
+"I want a respectable-looking seafaring man," ses the tec, speaking very
+slow; "that's you.  He goes up Tower Hill to-morrow night at nine
+o'clock, walking very slow and very unsteady on 'is pins, and giving my
+two beauties the idea that 'e is three sheets in the wind.  They come up
+and rob 'im, and I catch them red-'anded.  I get promotion, and you get a
+fiver."
+
+"But 'ow do you know they'll be there?" ses Sam, staring at 'im.
+
+Mr. Cubbins winked at 'im and tapped 'is nose.
+
+[Illustration: "Mr. Cubbins winked at 'im and tapped 'is nose."]
+
+"We 'ave to know a good deal in our line o' business," he ses.
+
+"Still," ses Sam, "I don't see----"
+
+"Narks," says the tec; "coppers' narks.  You've 'eard of them, cap'n?
+Now, look 'ere.  Have you got any money?"
+
+"I got a matter o' twelve quid or so," ses Sam, in a of hand way.
+
+"The very thing," says the tec.  "Well, to-morrow night you put that in
+your pocket, and be walking up Tower Hill just as the clock strikes nine.
+I promise you you'll be robbed afore two minutes past, and by two and a
+'arf past I shall 'ave my hands on both of 'em.  Have all the money in
+one pocket, so as they can get it neat and quick, in case they get
+interrupted.  Better still, 'ave it in a purse; that makes it easier to
+bring it 'ome to 'em."
+
+"Wouldn't it be enough if they stole the purse?" ses Sam.  "I should feel
+safer that way, too."
+
+Mr. Cubbins shook his 'ead, very slow and solemn.  "That wouldn't do at
+all," he ses.  "The more money they steal, the longer they'll get; you
+know that, cap'n, without me telling you.  If you could put fifty quid in
+it would be so much the better.  And, what-ever you do, don't make a
+noise.  I don't want a lot o' clumsy policemen interfering in my
+business."
+
+"Still, s'pose you didn't catch 'em," ses Sam, "where should I be?"
+
+"You needn't be afraid o' that," ses the tec, with a laugh.  "Here, I'll
+tell you wot I'll do, and that'll show you the trust I put in you."
+
+He drew a big di'mond ring off of 'is finger and handed it to Sam.
+
+"Put that on your finger," he ses, "and keep it there till I give you
+your money back and the fi'-pun note reward.  It's worth seventy quid
+if it's worth a farthing, and was given to me by a lady of title for
+getting back 'er jewellery for 'er.  Put it on, and wotever you do,
+don't lose it"
+
+He sat and watched while Sam forced it on is finger.
+
+"You don't need to flash it about too much," he ses, looking at 'im
+rather anxious.  "There's men I know as 'ud cut your finger off to get
+that."
+
+Sam shoved his 'and in his pocket, but he kept taking it out every now
+and then and 'olding his finger up to the light to look at the di'mond.
+Mr. Cubbins got up to go at last, saying that he 'ad got a call to make
+at the police-station, and they went out together.
+
+"Nine o'clock sharp," he ses, as they shook hands, "on Tower Hill."
+
+"I'll be there," ses Sam.
+
+"And, wotever you do, no noise, no calling out," ses the tec, "and don't
+mention a word of this to a living soul."
+
+Sam shook 'ands with 'im agin, and then, hiding his 'and in his pocket,
+went off 'ome, and, finding Ginger and Peter Russet wasn't back, went off
+to bed.
+
+He 'eard 'em coming upstairs in the dark in about an hour's time, and,
+putting the 'and with the ring on it on the counterpane, shut 'is eyes
+and pretended to be fast asleep.  Ginger lit the candle, and they was
+both beginning to undress when Peter made a noise and pointed to Sam's
+'and.
+
+"Wot's up?"  ses Ginger, taking the candle and going over to Sam's bed.
+"Who've you been robbing, you fat pirate?"
+
+Sam kept 'is eyes shut and 'eard 'em whispering; then he felt 'em take
+'is hand up and look at it.  "Where did you get it, Sam?" ses Peter.
+
+"He's asleep," ses Ginger, "sound asleep.  I b'lieve if I was to put 'is
+finger in the candle he wouldn't wake up."
+
+"You try it," ses Sam, sitting up in bed very sharp and snatching his
+'and away.  "Wot d'ye mean coming 'ome at all hours and waking me up?"
+"Where did you get that ring?"  ses Ginger.  "Friend o' mine," ses Sam,
+very short.
+
+"Who was it?" ses Peter.
+
+"It's a secret," ses Sam.
+
+"You wouldn't 'ave a secret from your old pal Ginger, Sam, would you?"
+ses Ginger.
+
+"Old wot?" ses Sam.  "Wot did you call me this arternoon?"
+
+"I called you a lot o' things I'm sorry for," ses Ginger, who was
+bursting with curiosity, "and I beg your pardin, Sam."
+
+"Shake 'ands on it," ses Peter, who was nearly as curious as Ginger.
+
+They shook hands, but Sam said he couldn't tell 'em about the ring; and
+several times Ginger was on the point of calling 'im the names he 'ad
+called 'im in the arternoon, on'y Peter trod on 'is foot and stopped him.
+They wouldn't let 'im go to sleep for talking, and at last, when 'e was
+pretty near tired out, he told 'em all about it.
+
+"Going--to 'ave your--pocket picked?"  ses Ginger, staring at 'im, when
+'e had finished.
+
+"I shall be watched over," ses Sam.
+
+"He's gorn stark, staring mad," ses Ginger.  "Wot a good job it is he's
+got me and you to look arter 'im, Peter."
+
+"Wot d'ye mean?"  ses Sam.
+
+"_Mean?_"  ses Ginger.  "Why, it's a put-up job to rob you, o' course.  I
+should ha' thought even your fat 'ead could ha' seen that':"
+
+"When I want your advice I'll ask you for it," ses Sam, losing 'is
+temper.  "Wot about the di'mond ring--eh?"
+
+"You stick to it," ses Ginger, "and keep out o' Mr. Cubbins's way.
+That's my advice to you.  'Sides, p'r'aps it ain't a real one."
+
+Sam told 'im agin he didn't want none of 'is advice, and, as Ginger
+wouldn't leave off talking, he pretended to go to sleep.  Ginger woke 'im
+up three times to tell 'im wot a fool 'e was, but 'e got so fierce that
+he gave it up at last and told 'im to go 'is own way.
+
+Sam wouldn't speak to either of 'em next morning, and arter breakfast he
+went off on 'is own.  He came back while Peter and Ginger was out, and
+they wasted best part o' the day trying to find 'im.
+
+"We'll be on Tower Hill just afore nine and keep 'im out o' mischief, any
+way," ses Peter.
+
+Ginger nodded.  "And be called names for our pains," he ses.  "I've a
+good mind to let 'im be robbed."
+
+"It 'ud serve 'im right," ses Peter, "on'y then he'd want to borrer off
+of us.  Look here!  Why not--why not rob 'im ourselves?"
+
+"Wot?" ses Ginger, starting.
+
+"Walk up behind 'im and rob 'im," ses Peter.  "He'll think it's them two
+chaps he spoke about, and when 'e comes 'ome complaining to us we'll tell
+'im it serves 'im right.  Arter we've 'ad a game with 'im for a day or
+two we'll give 'im 'is money back."
+
+"But he'd reckernize us," ses Ginger.
+
+"We must disguise ourselves," ses Peter, in a whisper.  "There's a
+barber's shop in Cable Street, where I've seen beards in the winder.  You
+hook 'em on over your ears.  Get one o' them each, pull our caps over our
+eyes and turn our collars up, and there you are."
+
+Ginger made a lot of objections, not because he didn't think it was a
+good idea, but because he didn't like Peter thinking of it instead of
+'im; but he gave way at last, and, arter he 'ad got the beard, he stood
+for a long time in front o' the glass thinking wot a difference it would
+ha' made to his looks if he had 'ad black 'air instead o' red.
+
+Waiting for the evening made the day seem very long to 'em; but it came
+at last, and, with the beards in their pockets, they slipped out and went
+for a walk round.  They 'ad 'arf a pint each at a public-'ouse at the top
+of the Minories, just to steady themselves, and then they came out and
+hooked on their beards; and wot with them, and pulling their caps down
+and turning their coat-collars up, there wasn't much of their faces to be
+seen by anybody.
+
+It was just five minutes to nine when they got to Tower Hill, and they
+walked down the middle of the road, keeping a bright lookout for old Sam.
+A little way down they saw a couple o' chaps leaning up agin a closed
+gate in the dock wall lighting their pipes, and Peter and Ginger both
+nudged each other with their elbows at the same time.  They 'ad just got
+to the bottom of the Hill when Sam turned the corner.
+
+Peter wouldn't believe at fust that the old man wasn't really the worse
+for liquor, 'e was so lifelike.  Many a drunken man would ha' been proud
+to ha' done it 'arf so well, and it made 'im pleased to think that Sam
+was a pal of 'is.  Him and Ginger turned and crept up behind the old man
+on tiptoe, and then all of a sudden he tilted Sam's cap over 'is eyes and
+flung his arms round 'im, while Ginger felt in 'is coat-pockets and took
+out a leather purse chock full o' money.
+
+It was all done and over in a moment, and then, to Ginger's great
+surprise, Sam suddenly lifted 'is foot and gave 'im a fearful kick on the
+shin of 'is leg, and at the same time let drive with all his might in 'is
+face.  Ginger went down as if he 'ad been shot, and as Peter went to 'elp
+him up he got a bang over the 'cad that put 'im alongside o' Ginger,
+arter which Sam turned and trotted off down the Hill like a dancing-bear.
+
+[Illustration: "Let drive with all his might in 'is face. "]
+
+For 'arf a minute Ginger didn't know where 'e was, and afore he found out
+the two men they'd seen in the gateway came up, and one of 'em put his
+knee in Ginger's back and 'eld him, while the other caught hold of his
+'and and dragged the purse out of it.  Arter which they both made off up
+the Hill as 'ard as they could go, while Peter Russet in a faint voice
+called "Police!" arter them.
+
+He got up presently and helped Ginger up, and they both stood there
+pitying themselves, and 'elping each other to think of names to call Sam.
+
+"Well, the money's gorn, and it's 'is own silly fault," ses Ginger.  "But
+wotever 'appens, he mustn't know that we had a 'and in it, mind that."
+
+"He can starve for all I care," ses Peter, feeling his 'ead.  "I won't
+lend 'im a ha'penny--not a single, blessed ha'penny."
+
+"Who'd ha' thought 'e could ha' hit like that?" says Ginger.  "That's wot
+gets over me.  I never 'ad such a bang in my life--never.  I'm going to
+'ave a little drop o' brandy--my 'ead is fair swimming."
+
+Peter 'ad one, too; but though they went into the private bar, it wasn't
+private enough for them; and when the landlady asked Ginger who'd been
+kissing 'im, he put 'is glass down with a bang and walked straight off
+'ome.
+
+Sam 'adn't turned up by the time they got there, and pore Ginger took
+advantage of it to put a little warm candle-grease on 'is bad leg.  Then
+he bathed 'is face very careful and 'elped Peter bathe his 'ead.  They
+'ad just finished when they heard Sam coming upstairs, and Ginger sat
+down on 'is bed and began to whistle, while Peter took up a bit o'
+newspaper and stood by the candle reading it.
+
+"Lor' lumme, Ginger!" ses Sam, staring at 'im.  "What ha' you been
+a-doing to your face?"
+
+"Me?" ses Ginger, careless-like.  "Oh, we 'ad a bit of a scrap down
+Limehouse way with some Scotchies.  Peter got a crack over the 'ead at
+the same time."
+
+"Ah, I've 'ad a bit of a scrap, too," ses Sam, smiling all over, "but I
+didn't get marked."
+
+"Oh!" ses Peter, without looking up from 'is paper.  "Was it a little
+boy, then?"  ses Ginger.
+
+"No, it wasn't a little boy neither, Ginger," ses Sam; "it was a couple
+o' men twice the size of you and Peter here, and I licked 'em both.  It
+was the two men I spoke to you about last night."
+
+"Oh!" ses Peter agin, yawning.
+
+"I did a bit o' thinking this morning," ses Sam, nodding at 'em, "and I
+don't mind owning up that it was owing to wot you said.  You was right,
+Ginger, arter all."
+
+"Fust thing I did arter breakfast," ses Sam, "I took that di'mond ring to
+a pawnshop and found out it wasn't a di'mond ring.  Then I did a bit more
+thinking, and I went round to a shop I know and bought a couple o'
+knuckle-dusters."
+
+"Couple o' wot?" ses Ginger, in a choking voice.
+
+"Knuckle-dusters," ses Sam, "and I turned up to-night at Tower Hill with
+one on each 'and just as the clock was striking nine.  I see 'em the
+moment I turned the corner--two enormous big chaps, a yard acrost the
+shoulders, coming down the middle of the road--You've got a cold,
+Ginger!"
+
+"No, I ain't," ses Ginger.
+
+"I pretended to be drunk, same as the tec told me," ses Sam, "and then I
+felt 'em turn round and creep up behind me.  One of 'em come up behind
+and put 'is knee in my back and caught me by the throat, and the other
+gave me a punch in the chest, and while I was gasping for breath took my
+purse away.  Then I started on 'em."
+
+"Lor'!" ses Ginger, very nasty.
+
+"I fought like a lion," ses Sam.  "Twice they 'ad me down, and twice I
+got up agin and hammered 'em.  They both of 'em 'ad knives, but my blood
+was up, and I didn't take no more notice of 'em than if they was made of
+paper.  I knocked 'em both out o' their hands, and if I hit 'em in the
+face once I did a dozen times.  I surprised myself."
+
+"You surprise me," ses Ginger.
+
+"All of a sudden," ses Sam, "they see they 'ad got to do with a man wot
+didn't know wot fear was, and they turned round and ran off as hard as
+they could run.  You ought to ha' been there, Ginger.  You'd 'ave enjoyed
+it."
+
+Ginger Dick didn't answer 'im.  Having to sit still and listen to all
+them lies without being able to say anything nearly choked 'im.  He sat
+there gasping for breath.
+
+"O' course, you got your purse back in the fight, Sam?"  ses Peter.
+
+"No, mate," ses Sam.  "I ain't going to tell you no lies--I did not."
+
+"And 'ow are you going to live, then, till you get a ship, Sam?"  ses
+Ginger, in a nasty voice.  "You won't get nothing out o' me, so you
+needn't think it."
+
+"Wot on earth's the matter, Ginger?"
+
+"Nor me," ses Peter.  "Not a brass farthing."
+
+"There's no call to be nasty about it, mates," ses Sam.  "I 'ad the best
+fight I ever 'ad in my life, and I must put up with the loss.  A man
+can't 'ave it all his own way."
+
+"'Ow much was it?" ses Peter.
+
+"Ten brace-buttons, three French ha'pennies, and a bit o' tin," ses Sam.
+"Wot on earth's the matter, Ginger?"
+
+[Illustration: "'Wot on earth's the matter, Ginger?'"]
+
+Ginger didn't answer him.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Self-Help, by W.W. Jacobs
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10783 ***