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diff --git a/1077-h/1077-h.htm b/1077-h/1077-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4df5980 --- /dev/null +++ b/1077-h/1077-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,6279 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" +"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8" /> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Mirror of Kong Ho, by Ernest Bramah</title> +<link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> +<style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + +body { margin-left: 20%; + margin-right: 20%; + text-align: justify; } + +h1, h2, h3, h4, h5 {text-align: center; font-style: normal; font-weight: +normal; line-height: 1.5; margin-top: .5em; margin-bottom: .5em;} + +h1 {font-size: 300%; + margin-top: 0.6em; + margin-bottom: 0.6em; + letter-spacing: 0.12em; + word-spacing: 0.2em; + text-indent: 0em;} +h2 {font-size: 150%; margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: 1em;} +h3 {font-size: 130%; margin-top: 1em;} +h4 {font-size: 120%;} +h5 {font-size: 110%;} + +.no-break {page-break-before: avoid;} /* for epubs */ + +div.chapter {page-break-before: always; margin-top: 4em;} + +hr {width: 80%; margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: 2em;} + +p {text-indent: 1em; + margin-top: 0.25em; + margin-bottom: 0.25em; } + +p.poem {text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10%; + font-size: 90%; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; } + +p.letter {text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; } + +p.center {text-align: center; + text-indent: 0em; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; } + +p.right {text-align: right; + margin-right: 10%; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; } + +div.fig { display:block; + margin:0 auto; + text-align:center; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em;} + +pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +a:link {color:blue; text-decoration:none} +a:visited {color:blue; text-decoration:none} +a:hover {color:red} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 1077 ***</div> + +<div class="fig" style="width:55%;"> +<img src="images/cover.jpg" style="width:100%;" alt="[Illustration]" /> +</div> + +<h1>THE MIRROR OF KONG HO</h1> + +<h2 class="no-break">By Ernest Bramah</h2> + +<hr /> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<p class="letter"> +A lively and amusing collection of letters on western living written by Kong +Ho, a Chinese gentleman. These addressed to his homeland, refer to the +Westerners in London as barbarians and many of the aids to life in our society +give Kong Ho endless food for thought. These are things such as the motor car +and the piano; unknown in China at this time. +</p> + +<hr /> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> + +<h2>Contents</h2> + +<table summary="" style=""> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_INTR">INTRODUCTION</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0002"><b>THE MIRROR OF KONG HO</b></a><br /><br /></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0003">LETTER I</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0004">LETTER II</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0005">LETTER III</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0006">LETTER IV</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0007">LETTER V</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0008">LETTER VI</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0009">LETTER VII</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0010">LETTER VIII</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0011">LETTER IX</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0012">LETTER X</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0013">LETTER XI</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0014">LETTER XII</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0014a">THE THREE GIFTS</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0015">LETTER XIII</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#link2H_4_0016">LETTER XIV</a></td> +</tr> + +</table> + +<hr /> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_INTR" id="link2H_INTR"></a> +INTRODUCTION</h2> + +<p> +Estimable barbarian,—Your opportune suggestion that I should permit the +letters, wherein I have described with undeviating fidelity the customs and +manner of behaving of your accomplished race, to be set forth in the form of +printed leaves for all to behold, is doubtless gracefully-intentioned, and this +person will raise no barrier of dissent against it. +</p> + +<p> +In this he is inspired by the benevolent hope that his immature compositions +may to one extent become a model and a by-word to those who in turn visit his +own land of Fragrant Purity; for with exacting care he has set down no detail +that has not come under his direct observation (although it is not to be denied +that here or there he may, perchance, have misunderstood an involved allusion +or failed to grasp the inner significance of an act), so that Impartiality +necessarily sways his brush, and Truth lurks within his inkpot. +</p> + +<p> +In an entirely contrary manner some, who of recent years have gratified us with +their magnanimous presence, have returned to their own countries not only with +the internal fittings of many of our palaces (which, being for the most part of +a replaceable nature, need be only trivially referred to, the incident, indeed, +being generally regarded as a most cordial and pressing variety of foreign +politeness), but also—in the lack of highly-spiced actuality—with +subtly-imagined and truly objectionable instances. These calumnies they have +not hesitated to commit to the form of printed books, which, falling into the +hands of the ignorant and undiscriminating, may even suggest to their +ill-balanced minds a doubt whether we of the Celestial Empire really are the +wisest, bravest, purest, and most enlightened people in existence. +</p> + +<p> +As a parting, it only remains to be said that, in order to maintain unimpaired +the quaint-sounding brevity and archaic construction of your prepossessing +language, I have engraved most of the remarks upon the receptive tablets of my +mind as they were uttered. To one who can repeat the Five Classics without +stumbling this is a contemptible achievement. Let it be an imposed obligation, +therefore, that you retain these portions unchanged as a test and a proof to +all who may read. Of my own deficient words, I can only in truest courtesy +maintain that any alteration must of necessity make them less offensively +commonplace than at present they are. +</p> + +<p> +The Sign and immutable Thumb-mark of, +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO +</p> + +<p> +By a sure hand to the House of one Ernest Bramah. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"></a> +THE MIRROR OF KONG HO</h2> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"></a> +LETTER I</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning the journey. The unlawful demons invoked by certain of the +barbarians; their power and the manner of their suppression. Suppression. The +incredible obtuseness of those who attend within tea-houses. The harmonious +attitude of a person of commerce. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire (at whose virtuous and well-established feet an unworthy son now +prostrates himself in spirit repeatedly),— +</p> + +<p> +Having at length reached the summit of my journey, that London of which the +merchants from Canton spoke so many strange and incredible things, I now send +you filial salutations three times increased, and in accordance with your +explicit command I shall write all things to you with an unvarnished brush, +well assured that your versatile object in committing me to so questionable an +enterprise was, above all, to learn the truth of these matters in an +undeviating and yet open-headed spirit of accuracy and toleration. +</p> + +<p> +Of the perils incurred while travelling in the awe-inspiring devices by which I +was transferred from shore to shore and yet further inland, of the utter +absence of all leisurely dignity on the part of those controlling their +movements, and of the almost unnatural self-opinionatedness which led them to +persist in starting at a stated and prearranged time, even when this person had +courteously pointed out to them by irrefutable omens that neither the day nor +the hour was suitable for the venture, I have already written. It is enough to +assert that a similar want of prudence was maintained on every occasion, and, +as a result, when actually within sight of the walls of this city, we were +involved for upwards of an hour in a very evilly-arranged yellow darkness, +which, had we but delayed for a day, as I strenuously advised those in +authority after consulting the Sacred Flat and Round Sticks, we should +certainly have avoided. +</p> + +<p> +Concerning the real nature of the devices by which the ships are propelled at +sea and the carriages on land, I must still unroll a blank mind until I can +secretly, and without undue hazard, examine them more closely. If, as you +maintain, it is the work of captive demons hidden away among their most inside +parts, it must be admitted that these usually intractable beings are admirably +trained and controlled, and I am wide-headed enough to think that in this +respect we might—not-withstanding our nine thousand years of civilised +refinement—learn something of the methods of these barbarians. The +secret, however, is jealously guarded, and they deny the existence of any +supernatural forces; but their protests may be ignored, for there is +undoubtedly a powerful demon used in a similar way by some of the boldest of +them, although its employment is unlawful. A certain kind of chariot is used +for the occupation of this demon, and those who wish to invoke it conceal their +faces within masks of terrifying design, and cover their hands and bodies with +specially prepared garments, without which it would be fatal to encounter these +very powerful spirits. While yet among the habitations of men, and in crowded +places, they are constrained to use less powerful demons, which are lawful, but +when they reach the unfrequented paths they throw aside all restraint, and, +calling to their aid the forbidden spirit (which they do by secret movements of +the hands), they are carried forward by its agency at a speed unattainable by +merely human means. By day the demon looks forth from three white eyes, which +at night have a penetrating brilliance equal to the fiercest glances of the +Sacred Dragon in anger. If any person incautiously stands in its way it utters +a warning cry of intolerable rage, and should the presumptuous one neglect to +escape to the roadside and there prostrate himself reverentially before it, it +seizes him by the body part and contemptuously hurls him bruised and +unrecognisable into the boundless space of the around. Frequently the demon +causes the chariot to rise into the air, and it is credibly asserted by +discriminating witnesses (although this person only sets down as incapable of +denial that which he has actually beheld) that some have maintained an +unceasing flight through the middle air for a distance of many li. Occasionally +the captive demon escapes from the bondage of those who have invoked it, +through some incautious gesture or heretical remark on their part, and then it +never fails to use them grievously, casting them to the ground wounded, +consuming the chariot with fire, and passing away in the midst of an +exceedingly debased odour, by which it is always accompanied after the manner +of our own earth spirits. +</p> + +<p> +This being, as this person has already set forth, an unlawful demon on account +of its power when once called up, and the admitted uncertainty of its +movements, those in authority maintain a stern and inexorable face towards the +practice. To entrap the unwary certain persons (chosen on account of their +massive outlines, and further protected from evil influences by their pure and +consistent habits) keep an unceasing watch. When one of them, himself lying +concealed, detects the approach of such a being, he closely observes the +position of the sun, and signals to the other a message of warning. Then the +second one, shielded by the sanctity of his life and rendered inviolable by the +nature of his garments—his sandals alone being capable of overturning any +demon from his path should it encounter them—boldly steps forth into the +road and holds out before him certain sacred emblems. So powerful are these +that at the sight the unlawful demon confesses itself vanquished, and although +its whole body trembles with ill-contained rage, and the air around is poisoned +by its discreditable exhalation, it is devoid of further resistance. Those in +the chariot are thereupon commanded to dismiss it, and being bound in chains +they are led into the presence of certain lesser mandarins who administer +justice from a raised dais. +</p> + +<p> +“Behold!” exclaims the chief of the captors, when the prisoners +have been placed in obsequious attitudes before the lesser mandarins, +“thus the matter chanced: The honourable Wang, although disguised under +the semblance of an applewoman, had discreetly concealed himself by the +roadside, all but his head being underneath a stream of stagnant water, when, +at the eighth hour of the morning, he beheld these repulsive outcasts +approaching in their chariot, carried forward by the diabolical vigour of the +unlawful demon. Although I had stationed myself several li distant from the +accomplished Wang, the chariot reached me in less than a breathing space of +time, those inside assuming their fiercest and most aggressive attitudes, and +as they came repeatedly urging the demon to increased exertions. Their speed +exceeded that of the swallow in his hymeneal flight, all shrubs and flowers by +the wayside withered incapably at the demon’s contaminating glance, +running water ceased to flow, and the road itself was scorched at their +passage, the earth emitting a dull bluish flame. These facts, and the times and +the distances, this person has further inscribed in a book which thus disposes +of all possible defence. Therefore, O lesser mandarins, let justice be +accomplished heavily and without delay; for, as the proverb truly says, +‘The fiercer the flame the more useless the struggles of the +victim.’” +</p> + +<p> +At this point the prisoners frequently endeavour to make themselves heard, +protesting that in the distance between the concealed Wang and the one who +stands accusing them they had thrice stopped to repair their innermost details, +had leisurely partaken of food and wine, and had also been overtaken, struck, +and delayed by a funeral procession. But so great is the execration in which +these persons are held, that although murderers by stealth, outlaws, snatchers +from the body, and companies of men who by strategy make a smaller sum of money +appear to be larger, can all freely testify their innocence, raisers of this +unlawful demon must not do so, and they are beaten on the head with chains +until they desist. +</p> + +<p> +Then the lesser mandarins, raising their voices in unison, exclaim, “The +amiable Tsay-hi has reported the matter in a discreet and impartial spirit. +Hear our pronouncement: These raisers of illegal spirits shall each contribute +ten taels of gold, which shall be expended in joss-sticks, in purifying the +road which they have scorched, and in alleviating the distress of the poor and +virtuous of both sexes. The praiseworthy Tsay-hi, moreover, shall embroider +upon his sleeve an honourable sign in remembrance of the event. Let drums now +be beat, and our verdict loudly proclaimed throughout the province.” +</p> + +<p> +These things, O my illustrious father (although on account of my contemptible +deficiencies of style much may seem improbable to your all-knowing mind), these +things I write with an unbending brush; for I set down only that which I have +myself seen, or read in their own printed records. Doubtless it will occur to +one of your preternatural intelligence that our own system of administering +justice, whereby the person who can hire the greater number of witnesses is +reasonably held to be in the right, although perhaps not absolutely infallible, +is in every way more convenient; but, as it is well said, “To the blind, +night is as acceptable as day.” +</p> + +<p> +Henceforth you will have no hesitation in letting it be known throughout +Yuen-ping that these foreign barbarians do possess secret demons, in spite of +their denials. Doubtless I shall presently discover others no less powerful. +</p> + +<p> +With honourable distinction this person has at length grasped the essential +details of the spoken language here—not sufficiently well, indeed, to +make himself understood on most occasions, or even to understand others, but +enough to perceive clearly when he fails to become intelligible or when they +experience a like difficulty with him. Upon an earlier occasion, before he had +made so much progress, being one day left to his own resources, and feeling an +internal lack, he entered what appeared to be a tea-shop of reputable +demeanour, and, seating himself at one of the little marble tables, he freely +pronounced the carefully-learned word “rice” to the attending +nymph. To put aside all details of preparation (into which, indeed, this person +could not enter) he waved his hand gracefully, at the same time smiling with an +expression of tolerant acquiescence, as of one who would say that what was good +enough to be cooked and offered by so entrancing a maiden was good enough to be +eaten by him. After remaining in unruffled tranquillity for the full portion of +an hour, and observing that no other person around had to wait above half that +period, this one began to perceive that the enterprise was not likely to +terminate in a manner satisfactory to himself; so that, leaving this place with +a few well-chosen phrases of intolerable regret in his own tongue, he entered +another, and conducted himself in a like fashion.... Towards evening, with an +unperturbed exterior, but materially afflicted elsewhere, this person seated +himself within the eleventh tea-shop, and, pointing first towards his own +constituents of digestion, then at the fire, and lastly in an upward direction, +thereby signified to any not of stunted intellect that he had reached such a +condition of mind and body that he was ready to consume whatever the ruling +deities were willing to allot, whether boiled, baked, roast, or suspended from +a skewer. In this resolve nothing would move him, until—after many +maidens had approached with outstretched hands and gestures of +despair—there presently entered a person wearing the helmet of a warrior +and the manner of a high official, who spoke strongly, yet persuasively, of the +virtues of immediate movement and a quiet and reposeful bearing. +</p> + +<p> +Assuredly a people who devote so little attention to the study of food, and all +matters connected with it, must inevitably remain barbaric, however skilfully +they may feign a superficial refinement. It is said, although I do not commit +this matter to my own brush, that among them are more books composed on +subjects which have no actual existence than on cooking, and, incredible as it +may appear, to be exceptionally round-bodied confers no public honour upon the +individual. Should a favourable occasion present itself, there are many who do +not scruple to jest upon the subject of food, or, what is incalculably more +depraved, upon the scarcity of it. +</p> + +<p> +Nevertheless, there are exceptions of a highly distinguished radiance. Among +these must be accounted one into whose presence this person was recently led by +our polished and harmonious friend Quang-Tsun, the merchant in tea and spices. +This versatile person, whose business-name is spoken of as Jones Bob-Jones, is +worthy of all benignant respect, and in a really enlightened country would +doubtless be raised to a more exalted position than that of a breaker of +outsides (an occupation difficult to express adequately in the written language +of a country where it is unknown), for his face is like the sun setting in the +time of harvest, his waist garment excessive, and the undoubted symmetry of his +middle portions honourable in the extreme. So welcome in my eyes, after +witnessing an unending stream of concave and attenuated barbarian ghosts, was +the sight of these perfections of Jones Bob-Jones, that instead of the formal +greeting of this Island—the unmeaning “How do you do +it?”—I shook hands cordially with myself, and exclaimed +affectionately in our own language, “Illimitable felicities! How is your +stomach?” +</p> + +<p> +“Well,” replied Jones Bob-Jones, after Quang-Tsun had interpreted +this polite salutation to his understanding, “since you mention it, +that’s just the trouble; but I’m going on pretty well, thanks. +I’ve tried most of the advertised things, and now my doctor has put me +practically on a bread-and-water course—clear soup, boiled fish, plain +joint, no sweets, a crumb of cheese, and a bare three glasses of +Hermitage.” +</p> + +<p> +During this amiable remark (of which, as it is somewhat of a technical nature, +I was unable to grasp the contained significance until the agreeable Quang-Tsun +had subsequently repeated it several times for my retention), I maintained a +consistent expression of harmonious agreement and gratified esteem (suitable, I +find, for all like occasions), and then, judging from the sympathetic animation +of Jones Bob-Jones’s countenance, that it had not improbably been +connected with food, I discreetly introduced the subject of sea-snails, +preserved in the essence of crushed peaches, by courteously inquiring whether +he had ever partaken of such a delicacy. +</p> + +<p> +“No,” replied the liberal-minded person, when—encouraged by +the protruding eagerness of his eyes at the mention of the viand—I had +further spoken of the refined flavour of the dish, and explained the manner of +its preparation. “I can’t say that I have, but it sounds uncommonly +good—something like turtle, I should imagine. I’ll see if they can +get it for me at Pimm’s.” +</p> + +<p> +This filial tribute goes by a trusty hand, in the person of one Ki Nihy, who is +shortly committing himself to the protection of his ancestors and the voracity +of the unbounded Bitter Waters; and with brightness and gold it will doubtless +reach you in the course of twelve or eighteen moons. The superstitious here, +this person may describe, when they wish to send messages from one to another, +inscribe upon the outer cover a written representation of the one whose +habitation they require, and after affixing a small paper talisman, drop it +into a hole in the nearest wall, in the hope that it may be ultimately conveyed +to the appointed spot, either by the services of the charitably-disposed +passer-by, or by the intervention of the beneficent deities. +</p> + +<p> +With a multiplicity of greetings and many abject expressions of a conscious +inferiority, and attested by an unvarying thumb-mark. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO.<br/> +(Effete branch of a pure and magnanimous trunk.) +</p> + +<p> +To Kong Ah-Paik, reclining beneath the sign of the Lead Tortoise, in a +northerly direction beyond the Lotus Beds outside the city of Yuen-ping. The +Middle Flowery Kingdom. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"></a> +LETTER II</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning the ill-destined manner of existence of the hound Hercules. The +thoughtlessly-expressed desire of the entrancing maiden and its effect upon a +person of susceptible refinement. The opportune (as it may yet be described) +visit of one Herbert. The behaviour of those around. Reflections. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire (whose large right hand is continuously floating in spirit over +the image of this person’s dutiful submission),— +</p> + +<p> +Doubtless to your all-consuming prescience, it will at once become plain that I +have abandoned the place of residence from which I directed my former +badly-written and offensively-constructed letter, the house of the sympathetic +and resourceful Maidens Blank, where in return for an utterly inadequate sum of +money, produced at stated intervals, this very much inferior person was allowed +to partake of a delicately-balanced and somewhat unvarying fare in the company +of the engaging of both sexes, and afterwards to associate on terms of +honourable equality with them in the chief apartment. The reason and manner of +this one’s departure are in no degree formidable to his refined manner of +conducting any enterprise, but arose partly from an insufficient grasp of the +more elaborate outlines of a confessedly involved language, and still more from +a too excessive impetuousness in carrying out what at the time he believed to +be the ambition of one who had come to exercise a melodious influence over his +most internal emotions. Well remarked the Sage, “A piece of gold may be +tried between the teeth; a written promise to pay may be disposed of at a +sacrifice to one more credulous; but what shall be said of the wind, the Hoang +Ho, and the way of a woman?” +</p> + +<p> +To contrive a pitfall for this short-sighted person’s immature feet, +certain malicious spirits had so willed it that the chief and more autumnal of +the Maidens Blank (who, nevertheless, wore an excessively flower-like name), +had long lavished herself upon the possession of an obtuse and self-assertive +hound, which was in the habit of gratifying this inconsiderable person and +those who sat around by continually depositing upon their unworthy garments +details of its outer surface, and when the weather was more than usually cold, +by stretching its graceful and refined body before the fire in such a way as to +ensure that no one should suffer from a too acute exposure to the heat. From +these causes, and because it was by nature a hound which even on the darkest +night could be detected at a more than reasonable distance away, while at all +times it did not hesitate to shake itself freely into the various prepared +viands, this person (and doubtless others also) regarded it with an emotion +very unfavourable towards its prolonged existence; but observing from the first +that those who permitted themselves to be deposited upon, and their hands and +even their faces to be hound-tongue-defiled with the most externally cheerful +spirit of word suppression, invariably received the most desirable of the +allotted portions of food, he judged it prudent and conducive to a settled +digestion to greet it with favourable terms and actions, and to refer +frequently to its well-displayed proportions, and to the agile dexterity which +it certainly maintained in breathing into the contents of every dish. Thus the +matter may be regarded as being positioned for a space of time. +</p> + +<p> +One evening I returned at the appointed gong-stroke of dinner, and was +beginning, according to my custom, to greet the hound with ingratiating +politeness, when the one of chief authority held up a reproving hand, at the +same time exclaiming: +</p> + +<p> +“No, Mr. Kong, you must not encourage Hercules with your amiable +condescension, for just now he is in very bad odour with us all.” +</p> + +<p> +“Undoubtedly,” replied this person, somewhat puzzled, nevertheless, +that the imperfection should thus be referred to openly by one who hitherto had +not hesitated to caress the hound with most intimate details, +“undoubtedly the surrounding has a highly concentrated acuteness +to-night, but the ever-present characteristic of the hound Hercules is by no +means new, for whenever he is in the room—” +</p> + +<p> +At this point it is necessary to explain that the ceremonial etiquette of these +barbarian outcasts is both conflicting and involved. Upon most of the ordinary +occasions of life to obtrude oneself within the conversation of another is a +thing not to be done, yet repeatedly when this unpretentious person has been +relating his experience or inquiring into the nature and meaning of certain +matters which he has witnessed, he has become aware that his words have been +obliterated, as it were, and his remarks diverted from their original intention +by the sudden and unanticipated desire of those present to express themselves +loudly on some topic of not really engrossing interest. Not infrequently on +such occasions every one present has spoken at once with concentrated anxiety +upon the condition of the weather, the atmosphere of the room, the hour of the +day, or some like detail of contemptible inferiority. At other times maidens of +unquestionable politeness have sounded instruments of brass or stringed woods +with unceasing vigour, have cast down ornaments of china, or even stood upon +each other’s—or this person’s—feet with assumed +inelegance. When, therefore, in the midst of my agreeable remark on the +asserted no fragrance of the hound Hercules, a gentleman of habitual refinement +struck me somewhat heavily on the back of the head with a reclining seat which +he was conveying across the room for the acceptance of a lady, and immediately +overwhelmed me with apologies of almost unnecessary profusion, my mind at once +leapt to an inspired conclusion, and smiling acquiescently I bowed several +times to each person to convey to them an admission of the undoubted fact that +to the wise a timely omen before the storm is as effective as a thunderbolt +afterwards. +</p> + +<p> +It chanced that there was present the exceptionally prepossessing maiden to +whom this person has already referred. So varied and ornate were her +attractions that it would be incompetent in one of my less than average ability +to attempt an adequate portrayal. She had a light-coloured name with the +letters so harmoniously convoluted as to be quite beyond my inferior power of +pronunciation, so that if I wished to refer to her in her absence I had to +indicate the one I meant by likening her to a full-blown chrysanthemum, a piece +of rare jade, an ivory pagoda of unapproachable antiquity, or some other object +of admitted grace. Even this description may scarcely convey to you the real +extent of her elegant personality; but in her presence my internal organs never +failed to vibrate with a most entrancing uncertainty, and even now, at the +recollection of her virtuous demeanour, I am by no means settled within myself. +</p> + +<p> +“Well,” exclaimed this melodious vision, with sympathetic tact, +“if every one is going to disown poor Hercules because he has eaten all +our dinners, I shall be quite willing to have him, for he is a dzear ole +loveykins, wasn’t ums?” (This, O my immaculate and dignified sire, +which I transcribe with faithful undeviation, appears to be the dialect of a +remote province, spoken only by maidens—both young and of autumnal +solitude—under occasional mental stress; as of a native of Shan-si +relapsing without consciousness into his uncouth tongue after passing a +lifetime in the Capital.) “Don’t you think so too, Mr. Kong?” +</p> + +<p> +“When the sun shines the shadow falls, for truly it is said, ‘To +the faithful one even the voice of the corncrake at evening speaks of his +absent love,’” replied this person, so engagingly disconcerted at +being thus openly addressed by the maiden that he retained no delicate +impression of what she said, or even of what he was replying, beyond an +unassuming hope that the nature of his feelings might perchance be +inoffensively revealed to her in the semblance of a discreet allegory. +</p> + +<p> +“Perhaps,” interposed a person of neglected refinement, turning +towards the maiden, “you would like to have a corncrake also, to remind +you of Mr. Kong?” +</p> + +<p> +“I do not know what a corncrake is like,” replied the maiden with +commendable dignity. “I do not think so, however, for I once had a pair +of canaries, and I found them very unsatisfying, insipid creatures. But I +should love to have a little dog I am sure, only Miss Blank won’t hear of +it.” +</p> + +<p> +“Kong Ho,” thought this person inwardly, “not in vain have +you burnt joss sticks unceasingly, for the enchanting one has said into your +eyes that she would love to partake of a little dog. Assuredly we have recently +consumed the cold portion of sheep on more occasions than a strict +honourableness could require of those who pay a stated sum at regular +intervals, and the change would be a welcome one. As she truly says, the +flavour even of canaries is trivial and insignificant by comparison.” +During the period of dinner—which consisted of eggs and green herbs of +the field—this person allowed the contemplation to grow within him, and +inspired by a most pleasant and disinterested ambition to carry out the +expressed wishes of the one who had spoken, he determined that the matter +should be unobtrusively arranged despite the mercenary opposition of the +Maidens Blank. +</p> + +<p> +This person had already learned by experience that dogs are rarely if ever +exposed for sale in the stalls of the meat venders, the reason doubtless being +that they are articles of excessive luxury and reserved by law for the rich and +powerful. Those kept by private persons are generally closely guarded when they +approach a desirable condition of body, and the hound Hercules would not prove +an attractive dish to those who had known him in life. Nevertheless, it is well +said, “The Great Wall is unsurmountable, but there are many gaps +through,” and that same evening I was able to carry the first part of my +well-intentioned surprise into effect. +</p> + +<p> +The matter now involves one named Herbert, who having exchanged gifts of +betrothal with a maiden staying at the house, was in the habit of presenting +himself openly, when he was permitted to see her, after the manner of these +barbarians. (Yet even of them the more discriminating acknowledge that our +customs are immeasurably superior; for when I explained to the aged father of +the Maidens Blank that among us the marriage rites are irrevocably performed +before the bride is seen unveiled by man, he sighed heavily and exclaimed that +the parents of this country had much to learn.) +</p> + +<p> +The genial-minded Herbert had already acquired for himself the reputation of +being one who ceaselessly removes the gravity of others, both by word and +action, and from the first he selected this obscure person for his charitable +purpose to a most flattering extent. Not only did he—on the pretext that +his memory was rebellious—invariably greet me as “Mr. Hong +Kong,” but on more than one occasion he insisted, with mirth-provoking +reference to certain details of my unbecoming garments, that I must surely have +become confused and sent a Mrs. Hong Kong instead of myself, and frequently he +undermined the gravity of all most successfully by pulling me backwards +suddenly by the pigtail, with the plea that he imagined he was picking up his +riding-whip. This attractive person was always accompanied by a formidable +dog—of convex limbs, shrunken lip, and suspicious demeanour—which +he called Influenza, to the excessive amusement of those to whom he related its +characteristics. For some inexplicable reason from the first it regarded my +lower apparel as being unsuitable for the ordinary occasions of life, and in +spite of the low hissing call by which its master endeavoured to attract its +attention to himself, it devoted its energies unceasingly to the self-imposed +task of removing them fragment by fragment. Nevertheless it was a dog of +favourable size and condition, and it need not therefore be a matter for +surprise that when the intellectual person Herbert took his departure on the +day in question it had to be assumed that it had already preceded him. Having +accomplished so much, this person found little difficulty in preparing it +tastefully in his own apartment, and making the substitution on the following +day. +</p> + +<p> +Although his mind was confessedly enlarged at the success of his venture, and +his hopes most ornamentally coloured at the thought of the adorable one’s +gratified esteem when she discovered how expertly her wishes had been carried +out, this person could not fail to notice that the Maiden Blank was also +materially agitated when she distributed the contents of the dish before her. +</p> + +<p> +“Will you, of your enlightened courtesy, accept, and overlook the +deficiencies of, a portion of rabbit-pie, O high-souled Mr. Kong?” she +inquired gracefully when this insignificant person was reached, and, concealing +my many-hued emotion beneath an impassive face, I bowed agreeably as I replied, +“To the beggar, black bread is a royal course.” +</p> + +<p> +“WHAT pie did you say, dear?” whispered another autumnal maiden, +when all had partaken somewhat, and at her words a most consistently acute +silence involved the table. +</p> + +<p> +“I—I don’t quite know,” replied the one of the upper +end, becoming excessively devoid of complexion; and restraining her voice she +forthwith sent down an attending slave to inquire closely. +</p> + +<p> +At this point a person of degraded ancestry endeavoured to remove the undoubted +cloud of depression by feigning the nocturnal cry of the domestic cat; but in +this he was not successful, and a maiden opposite, after fixedly regarding a +bone on her plate, withdrew suddenly, embracing herself as she went. A moment +later the slave returned, proclaiming aloud that the dish which had been +prepared for the occasion had now been accidentally discovered by the +round-bodied cook beneath the cushions of an arm-chair (a spot by no means +satisfactory to this person’s imagination had the opportunities at his +disposal been more diffuse). +</p> + +<p> +“What, then, is this of which we have freely partaken?” cried they +around, and, in the really impressive silence which followed, an inopportune +person discovered a small silver tablet among the fragments upon his plate, +and, taking it up, read aloud the single word, “Influenza.” +</p> + +<p> +During the day, and even far into the uncounted gong-strokes of the time of +darkness, this person had frequently remained in a fascinated contemplation of +the moment when he should reveal himself and stand up to receive the +benevolently-expressed congratulations of all who paid an agreed sum at fixed +intervals, and, particularly, the dazzling though confessedly unsettling +glance-thanks of the celestially-formed maiden who had explicitly stated that +she was desirous of having a little dog. Now, however, when this part of the +enterprise ought to have taken place, I found myself unable to evade the +conclusion that some important detail of the entire scheme had failed to agree +harmoniously with the rest, and, had it been possible, I would have retired +with unobtrusive tact and permitted another to wear my honourable acquirements. +But, for some reason, as I looked around I perceived that every eye was fixed +upon me with what at another time would have been a most engaging unanimity, +and, although I bowed with undeterred profusion, and endeavoured to walk out +behind an expression of all-comprehensive urbanity that had never hitherto +failed me, a person of unsympathetic outline placed himself before the door, +and two others, standing one on each side of me, gave me to understand that a +recital of the full happening was required before I left the room. +</p> + +<p> +It is hopeless to expect a display of refined intelligence at the hands of a +people sunk in barbarism and unacquainted with the requirements of true dignity +and the essentials of food preparation. On the manner of behaving of the male +portion of those present this person has no inducement whatever to linger. Even +the maiden for whom he had accomplished so much, after the nature of the +misunderstanding had been made plain to her, uttered only a single word of +approval, which, on subsequently consulting a book of interpretations, this +person found to indicate: “A person of weak intellect; one without an +adequate sense of the proportion and fitness of things; a buffoon; a jester; a +compound of gooseberries scalded and crushed with cream”; but although +each of these definitions may in a way be regarded as applicable, he is still +unable to decide which was the precise one intended. +</p> + +<p> +With salutations of filial regard, and in a spirit seven times refined by +affliction and purified by vain regrets. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO. +</p> + +<p> +(Upon whose tablet posterity will perchance inscribe the titles, +“Ill-destined but Misjudged.”) +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"></a> +LETTER III</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning the virtuous amusements of both old and young. The sit-round games. +The masterpiece of the divine Li Tang, and its reception by all, including that +same Herbert. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire (whose breadth of mind is so well developed as to take for +granted boundless filial professions, which, indeed, become vapid by a too +frequent reiteration),— +</p> + +<p> +Your amiable inquiry as to how the barbarians pass their time, when not +employed in affairs of commerce or in worshipping their ancestors, has inspired +me to examine the matter more fully. At the same time your pleasantly-composed +aphorism that the interior nature of persons does not vary with the colour of +their eyes, and that if I searched I should find the old flying kites and the +younger kicking feather balls or working embroidery, according to their sex, +does not appear to be accurately sustained. +</p> + +<p> +The lesser ones, it is true, engage in a variety of sumptuous handicrafts, such +as the scorching of wooden tablets with the semblance of a pattern, and gouging +others with sharpened implements into a crude relief; depicting birds and +flowers upon the surface of plates, rending leather into shreds, and entwining +beaten iron, brass, and copper into a diversity of most ingenious +complications; but when I asked a maiden of affectionate and domesticated +appearance whether she had yet worked her age-stricken father’s +coffin-cloth, she said that the subject was one upon which she declined to +jest, and rapidly involving herself in a profuse display of emotion, she +withdrew, leaving this one aghast. +</p> + +<p> +To enable my mind to retranquillise, I approached a youth of highly-gilded +appearance, and, with many predictions of self-inferiority, I suggested that we +should engage in the stimulating rivalry of feather ball. When he learned, +however, that the diversion consisted in propelling upwards a feather-trimmed +chip by striking it against the side of the foot, he candidly replied that he +was afraid he had grown out of shuttle-cock, but did not mind, if I was +vigorously inclined, “taking me on for a set of yang-pong.” +</p> + +<p> +Old men here, it is said, do not fly kites, and they affect to despise catching +flies for amusement, although they frequently go fishing. Struck by this +peculiarity, I put it in the form of an inquiry to one of venerable appearance, +why, when at least five score flies were undeniably before his eyes, he +preferred to recline for lengthy periods by the side of a stream endeavouring +to snare creatures of whose existence he himself had never as yet received any +adequate proof. Doubtless in my contemptible ignorance, however, I used some +word inaccurately, for those who stood around suffered themselves to become +amused, and the one in question replied with no pretence of amiable +condescension that the jest had already been better expressed a hundred times, +and that I would find the behind parts of a printed leaf called +“Punch” in the bookcase. Not being desirous of carrying on a +conversation of which I felt that I had misplaced the most highly rectified +ingredient, I bowed repeatedly, and replied affably that wisdom ruled his left +side and truth his right. +</p> + +<p> +It was upon this same occasion that a young man of unprejudiced +wide-mindedness, taking me aside, asserted that the matter had not been +properly set forth when I was inquiring about kites. Both old and young men, he +continued, frequently endeavoured to fly kites, even in the involved heart of +the city. He had tried once or twice himself, but never with encouraging +success, chiefly, he was told, because his paper was not good enough. Many +people, he added, would not scruple to mislead me with evasive ambiguity on +this one subject owing to an ill-balanced conception of what constituted true +dignity, but he was unwilling that his countrymen should be thought by mine to +be sunk into a deeper barbarism than actually existed. +</p> + +<p> +His warning was not inopportune. Seated next to this person at a later period +was a maiden from whose agreeably-poised lips had hitherto proceeded nothing +but sincerity and fact. Watching her closely I asked her, as one who only had a +languid interest either one way or the other, whether her revered father or her +talented and richly-apparelled brothers ever spent their time flying kites +about the city. In spite of a most efficient self-control her colour changed at +my words, and her features trembled for a moment, but quickly reverting to +herself she replied that she thought not; then—as though to subdue my +suspicions more completely—that she was sure they did not, as the kites +would certainly frighten the horses and the appointed watchmen of the street +would not allow it. She confessed, however, with unassumed candour, that the +immediate descendants of her sister were gracefully proficient in the art. +</p> + +<p> +From this, great and enlightened one, you will readily perceive how misleading +an impression might be carried away by a person scrupulously-intentioned but +not continually looking both ways, when placed among a people endowed with the +uneasy suspicion of the barbarian and struggling to assert a doubtful +refinement. Apart from this, there has to be taken into consideration their +involved process of reasoning, and the unexpectedly different standards which +they apply to every subject. +</p> + +<p> +At the house of the Maidens Blank, when the evening was not spent in listening +to melodious voices and the harmony of stringed woods, it was usual to take +part in sit-round games of various kinds. (And while it is on his brush this +person would say with commendable pride that a well-trained musician among us +can extort more sound from a hollow wooden pig, costing only a few cash, than +the most skilful here ever attain on their largest instrument—a +highly-lacquered coffin on legs, filled with bells and hidden springs, and +frequently sold for a thousand taels.) +</p> + +<p> +Upon a certain evening, at the conclusion of one sit-round game which involved +abrupt music, a barrier of chairs, and the exhilarating possibility of being +sat upon by the young and vivacious in their zeal, a person of the company +turned suddenly to the one who is communicating with you and said enticingly, +“Why did Birdcage Walk?” +</p> + +<p> +Not judging from his expression that this was other than a polite inquiry on a +matter which disturbed his repose, I was replying that the manifestation was +undoubtedly the work of a vexatious demon which had taken up its abode in the +article referred to, when another, by my side, cried aloud, “Because it +envied Queen Anne’s Gate”; and without a pause cast back the +question, “Who carved The Poultry?” +</p> + +<p> +In spite of the apparent simplicity of the demand it was received by all in an +attitude of complicated doubt, and this person was considering whether he might +not acquire distinction by replying that such an office fell by custom to the +lot of the more austere Maiden Blank, when the very inadequate reply, +“Mark Lane with St. Mary’s Axe,” was received with applause +and some observations in a half-tone regarding the identity of the fowl. +</p> + +<p> +By the laws of the sit-round games the one who had last spoken now proclaimed +himself, demanding to know, “Why did Battersea Rise?” but the +involvement was evidently superficial, for the maiden at whose memory this +one’s organs still vibrate ignobly at once replied, “Because it +thought Clapham Common,” in turn inquiring, “What made the Marble +Arch?” +</p> + +<p> +Although I would have willingly sacrificed to an indefinite extent to be +furnished with the preconcerted watchword, so that I might have enlarged myself +in the eyes of this consecrated being’s unapproachable esteem, I had +already decided that the competition was too intangible for one whose thoughts +lay in well-defined parallel lines, and it fell to another to reply, “To +hear Salisbury Court.” +</p> + +<p> +This, O my broad-minded ancestor of the first degree—an aimless challenge +coupled with the name of one recognisable spot, replied to by the haphazard +retort of another place, frequently in no way joined to it, was regarded as an +exceptionally fascinating sit-round game by a company of elderly barbarians! +</p> + +<p> +“What couldn’t Walbrook?” it might be, and “Such +Cheapside,” would be deemed a praiseworthy solution. “When did +King’s Bench Walk?” would be asked, and to reply, “When +Gray’s Inn Road,” covered the one with overpowering acclamation. +“Bevis Marks only an Inner Circle at The Butts; why?” was a demand +of such elaborate complexity that (although this person was lured out of his +self-imposed restraint by the silence of all round, and submerging his +intelligence to an acquired level, unobtrusively suggested, “Because +Aylesbury ducks, perchance”) it fell to the one propounding to announce, +“Because St. John’s Wood Shoot-up Hill.” +</p> + +<p> +Admittedly it is written, “When the shutter is fastened the girdle is +loosened,” but it is as truly said, “Not in the head, nor yet in +the feet, but in the organs of digestion does wisdom reside,” and even in +jesting the middle course of neither an excessive pride nor an absolute +weak-mindedness is to be observed. With what concrete pangs of acute mental +distress would this person ever behold his immaculate progenitor taking part in +a similar sit-round game with an assembly of worthy mandarins, the one asking +questions of meaningless import, as “Why did they Hangkow?” and +another replying in an equal strain of no consecutiveness, “In order to +T’in Tung!” +</p> + +<p> +At length a person who is spoken of as having formerly been the captain of a +band of warriors turned to me with an unsuspected absence of ferocity and said, +“Your countrymen are very proficient in the art of epigram, are they not, +Mr. Kong? Will you not, in turn, therefore, favour us with an example?” +Whereupon several maidens exclaimed with engaging high temper, “Oh yes; +do ask us some funny Chinese riddles, Mr. Kong!” +</p> + +<p> +“Assuredly there are among us many classical instances of the light +sayings which require matching,” I replied, gratified that I should have +the opportunity of showing their superiority. “One, harmonious beyond the +blend of challenge and retort, is as follows—‘The Phoenix +embroidered upon the side of the shoe: When the shoe advances the Phoenix leaps +forward.’” +</p> + +<p> +“Oh!” cried several of the maidens, and from the nature of their +glances it might reasonably be gathered that already they began to recognise +the inferiority of their own sayings. +</p> + +<p> +“Is that the question, or the answer, or both?” asked a youth of +unfledged maturity, and to hide their conscious humiliation several persons +allowed their faces to melt away. +</p> + +<p> +“That which has been expressed,” replied this person with an +ungrudging toleration, “is the first or question portion of the contrast. +The answer is that which will be supplied by your honourable +condescension.” +</p> + +<p> +“But,” interposed one of the maidens, “it isn’t really +a question, you know, Mr. Kong.” +</p> + +<p> +“In a way of regarding it, it may be said to be question, inasmuch as it +requires an answer to establish the comparison. The most pleasing answer is +that which shall be dissimilar in idea, and yet at the same time maintain the +most perfect harmony of parallel thought,” I replied. “Now permit +your exceptional minds to wander in a forest of similitudes: ‘The Phoenix +embroidered upon the side of the shoe: When the shoe advances the Phoenix leaps +forward.’” +</p> + +<p> +“Oh, if that’s all you want,” said the one Herbert, who by an +ill destiny chanced to be present, “‘The red-hot poker held before +the Cat’s nose: When the poker advances the Cat leaps +backwards.’” +</p> + +<p> +“Oh, very good!” cried several of those around, “of course it +naturally would. Is that right, Mr. Kong?” +</p> + +<p> +“If the high-souled company is satisfied, then it must be, for there is +no conclusive right or wrong—only an unending search for that which is +most gem-set and resourceful,” replied this person, with an +ever-deepening conviction of no enthusiasm towards the sit-round game. +“But,” he added, resolved to raise for a moment the canopy of a +mind swan-like in its crystal many-sidedness, and then leave them to their own +ineptitude, “for five centuries nothing has been judged equal to the +solution offered by Li Tang. At the time he was presented with a three-sided +banner of silk with the names of his eleven immediate ancestors embroidered +upon it in seven colours, and his own name is still handed down in imperishable +memory.” +</p> + +<p> +“Oh, do tell us what it was,” cried many. “It must have been +clever.” +</p> + +<p> +“‘The Dragon painted upon the face of the fan: When the fan is +shaken the Dragon flies upwards,’” replied this person. +</p> + +<p> +It cannot be denied that this was received with an attitude of respectful +melancholy strikingly complimentary to the wisdom of the gifted Li Tang. But +whether it may be that the time was too short to assimilate the more subtle +delicacies of the saying, or whether the barbarian mind is inherently devoid of +true balance, this person was panged most internally to hear one say to another +as he went out, “Do you know, I really think that Herbert’s was +much the better answer of the two—more realistic, and what you might +expect at the pantomime.” +</p> + +<hr /> + +<p> +A like inability to grasp with a clear and uninvolved vision, permeates not +only the triviality of a sit-round game but even the most important +transactions of existence. +</p> + +<p> +Shortly after his arrival in the Island, this person was initiated by the +widely-esteemed Quang-Tsun into the private life of one whose occupation was +that of a Law-giver, where he frequently drank tea on terms of mutual +cordiality. Upon such an occasion he was one day present, conversing with the +lesser ones of the household—the head thereof being absent, setting forth +the Law in the Temple—when one of the maidens cried out with amiable +vivacity, “Why, Mr. Kong, you say such consistently graceful things of +the ladies you have met over here, that we shall expect you to take back an +English wife with you. But perhaps you are already married in China?” +</p> + +<p> +“The conclusion is undeviating in its accuracy,” replied this +person, unable to evade the allusion. “To Ning, Hia-Fa and T’ain +Yen, as the matter stands.” +</p> + +<p> +“Ning Hia-Fa An T’ain Yen!” exclaimed the wife of the +Law-giver pleasantly. “What an important name. Can you pardon our +curiosity and tell us what she is like?” +</p> + +<p> +“Ning, Hia-Fa AND T’ain Yen,” repeated this person, not +submitting to be deprived of the consequence of two wives without due protest. +“Three names, three wives. Three very widely separated likes.” +</p> + +<p> +At this in no way boastfully uttered statement the agreeably outlined surface +of the faces around variated suddenly, the effect being one which I have +frequently observed in the midst of my politest expressions of felicity. For a +moment, indeed, I could not disguise from myself that the one who had made the +inquiry stretched forth her lotus-like hand towards the secret spring by which +it is customary to summon the attending slaves from the underneath parts, but +restraining herself with the manner of one who would desire to make less of a +thing that it otherwise might seem, she turned to me again. +</p> + +<p> +“How nice!” she murmured. “What a pity you did not bring them +all with you, Mr. Kong. They would have been a great acquisition.” +</p> + +<p> +“Yet it must be well weighed,” I replied, not to be +out-complimented touching one another, “that here they would have met so +many fine and superior gentlemen that they might have become dissatisfied with +my less than average prepossessions.” +</p> + +<p> +“I wonder if they did not think of that in your case, and refuse to let +you come,” said one of the maidens. +</p> + +<p> +“The various persons must not be regarded as being on their all +fours,” I replied, anxious that there should be no misunderstanding on +this point. “They, of course, reside within one inner chamber, but there +would be no duplicity in this one adding indefinitely to the number.” +</p> + +<p> +“Of course not; how silly of me!” exclaimed the maiden. “What +splendid musical evenings you can have. But tell me, Mr. Kong (ought it not to +be Messrs. Kong, mamma?), if a girl married you here would she be legally +married to you in China?” +</p> + +<p> +“Oh yes,” replied this person positively. +</p> + +<p> +“But could you not, by your own laws, have the marriage set aside +whenever you wished?” +</p> + +<p> +“Assuredly,” I admitted. “It is so appointed.” +</p> + +<p> +“Then how could she be legally married?” she persisted, with really +unbecoming suspicion. +</p> + +<p> +“Legally married, legally unmarried,” replied this person, quite +distressed within himself at not being able to understand the difficulty +besetting her. “All perfectly legal and honourably observed.” +</p> + +<p> +“I think, Gwendoline—” said the one of authority, and +although the matter was no further expressed, by an instinct which he was +powerless to avert, this person at once found himself rising with ceremonious +partings. +</p> + +<p> +Not desiring that the obstacle should remain so inadequately swept away, I have +turned my presumptuous footsteps in the direction of the Law-giver’s +house on several later occasions, but each time the word of the slave guarding +the door has been that they of the household, down even to those of the most +insignificant degree of kinship, have withdrawn to a distant and secluded spot. +</p> + +<p> +With renewed assurances that the enterprise is being gracefully conducted, +however ill-digested and misleading these immature compositions may appear. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"></a> +LETTER IV</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning a desire to expatiate upon subjects of philosophical importance and +its no accomplishment. Three examples of the mental concavity sunk into by +these barbarians. An involved episode which had the outward appearance of being +otherwise than what it was. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire (whose genial liberality on all necessary occasions is well +remembered by this person in his sacrifices, with the titles +“Benevolent” and “Open-sleeved”),— +</p> + +<p> +I had it in my head at one time to tell you somewhat of the Classics most +reverenced in this country, of the philosophical opinions which prevail, and to +enlighten you generally upon certain other subjects of distinguished eminence. +As the deities arranged, however, it chanced that upon my way to a reputable +quarter of the city where the actuality of these matters can be learnt with the +least evasion, my footsteps were drawn aside by an incident which now permeates +my truth-laden brush to the exclusion of all else. +</p> + +<p> +But in the first place, if it be permitted for a thoroughly untrustworthy son +to take so presumptuous a liberty with an unvaryingly sagacious father, let +this one entreat you to regard everything he writes in a very wide-headed +spirit of looking at the matter from all round. My former letters will have +readily convinced you that much that takes place here, even among those who can +afford long finger-nails, would not be tolerated in Yuen-ping, and in order to +avoid the suspicion that I am suffering from a serious injury to the head, or +have become a prey to a conflicting demon, it will be necessary to continue an +even more highly-sustained tolerant alertness. This person himself has +frequently suffered the ill effects of rashly assuming that because he is +conducting the adventure in a prepossessing spirit his efforts will be +honourably received, as when he courteously inquired the ages of a company of +maidens into whose presence he was led, and complimented the one whom he was +desirous of especially gratifying by assuring her that she had every appearance +of being at least twice the nine-and-twenty years to which she modestly laid +claim. +</p> + +<p> +Upon another occasion I entered a barber’s stall, and finding it +oppressively hot within, I commanded the attendant to carry a reclining stool +into the street and there shave my lower limbs and anoint my head. As he +hesitated to obey—doubtless on account of the trivial labour +involved—I repeated my words in a tone of fuller authority, holding out +the inducement of a just payment when he complied, and assuring him that he +would certainly be dragged before the nearest mandarin and tortured if he held +his joints stiffly. At this he evidently understood his danger, for +obsequiously protesting that he was only a barber of very mean attainments, and +that his deformed utensils were quite inadequate for the case, he very +courteously directed me in inquire for a public chariot bound for a quarter +called Colney Hatch (the place of commerce, it is reasonable to infer, of the +higher class barbers), and, seating myself in it, instruct the attendant to put +me down at the large gates, where they possessed every requisite appliance, and +also would, if desirable, shave my head also. Here the incident assumes a more +doubtful guise, for, notwithstanding the admitted politeness of the one who +spoke, each of those to whom I subsequently addressed myself on the subject, +presented to me a face quite devoid of encouragement. While none actually +pointed out the vehicle I sought, many passed on in a state of inward +contemplation without replying, and some—chiefly the attendants of other +chariots of a similar kind—replied in what I deemed to be a spirit of +elusive metaphor, as he who asserted that such a conveyance must be sought for +at a point known intimately as the Aldgate Pump, whence it started daily at +half-past the thirteenth gong-stroke; and another, who maintained that I had no +prospect of reaching the desired spot until I secured the services of one of a +class of female attendants who wear flowing blue robes in order to indicate +that they are prepared to encounter and vanquish any emergency in life. To make +no elaborate pretence in the matter this person may definitely admit that he +never did reach the place in question, nor—in spite of a diligent search +in which he has encountered much obloquy—has he yet found any barber +sufficiently well equipped to undertake the detail. +</p> + +<p> +Even more recently I suffered the unmerited rebuke of the superficial through +performing an act of deferential politeness. Learning that the enlightened and +magnanimous sovereign of this country was setting out on a journey I stationed +myself in the forefront of those who stood before his palace, intending to +watch such parts of the procession as might be fitly witnessed by one of my +condition. When these had passed, and the chariot of the greatest approached, I +respectfully turned my back to the road with a propitiatory gesture, as of one +who did not deem himself worthy even to look upon a being of such majestic rank +and acknowledged excellence. This delicate action, by some incredible process +of mental obliquity, was held by those around to be a deliberate insult, if not +even a preconcerted signal, of open treachery, and had not a heaven-sent breeze +at that moment carried the hat of a very dignified bystander into the upper +branches of an opportune tree, and successfully turned aside the attention of +the assembly into a most immoderate exhibition of utter loss of gravity, I +should undoubtedly have been publicly tortured, if not actually torn to pieces. +</p> + +<p> +But the incident first alluded to was of an even more elaborately-contrived +density than these, and some of the details are still unrolled before the +keenest edge of this one’s inner perception. Nevertheless, all is now set +down in unbroken exactness for your impartial judgment. +</p> + +<p> +At the time of this exploit I had only ventured out on a few occasions, and +then, save those recorded, to no considerable extent; for it had already become +obvious that the enterprises in which I persistently became involved never +contributed to my material prosperity, and the disappointment of finding that +even when I could remember nine words of a sentence in their language none of +the barbarians could understand even so much as a tenth of my own, further cast +down my enthusiasm. +</p> + +<p> +On the day which has been the object of this person’s narration from the +first, he set out to become more fully instructed in the subjects already +indicated, and proceeding in a direction of which he had no actual knowledge, +he soon found himself in a populous and degraded quarter of the city. +Presently, to his reasonable astonishment, he saw before him at a point where +two ill-constructed thoroughfares met, a spacious and important building, +many-storied in height, ornamented with a profusion of gold and crystal, marble +and precious stones, and displaying from a tall pole the three-hued emblem of +undeniable authority. A never-ending stream of people passed in and out by the +numerous doors; the strains of expertly wielded instruments could be distinctly +heard inside, and the warm odour of a most prepossessing spiced incense +permeated the surroundings. “Assuredly,” thought the person who is +now recording the incident, “this is one of the Temples of barbarian +worship”; and to set all further doubt at rest he saw in letters of gilt +splendour a variety of praiseworthy and appropriate inscriptions, among which +he read and understood, “Excellent,” “Fine Old,” +“Well Matured,” “Spirits only of the choicest quality +within,” together with many other invocations from which he could not +wrest the hidden significance, as “Old Vatted,” +“Barclay’s Entire,” “An Ordinary at One,” and the +like. +</p> + +<p> +By this time an impressive gathering had drawn around, and from its manner of +behaving conveyed the suspicion that an entertainment or manifestation of some +kind was confidently awaited. To disperse so outrageous a misconception this +person was on the point of withdrawing himself when he chanced to see, over the +principal door of the Temple, a solid gold figure of colossal magnitude, +represented as crowned with leaves and tendrils, and holding in his +outstretched hands a gigantic, and doubtless symbolic, bunch of grapes. +“This,” I said to myself, “is evidently the tutelary deity of +the place, so displayed to receive the worship of the passer-by.” With +the discovery a thought of the most irreproachable benevolence possessed me. +“Why should not this person,” I reflected, “gain the +unstinted approbation of those barbarians” (who by this time completely +encircled me in) “by doing obeisance towards their deity, and by the same +act delicately and inoffensively rebuke them for their own too-frequent +intolerable attitude towards the susceptibilities of others? As an unprejudiced +follower, in his own land, of the systems of Confucius, Lao-tse, and Buddha, +this person already recognises the claims of seventeen thousand nine hundred +and thirty-three deities of various grades, so that the addition of one more to +that number can be a heresy of very trivial expiation.” Inspired by these +honourable sentiments, therefore, I at once prostrated myself on the ground, +and, amid a silence of really illimitable expectation, I began to kow-tow +repeatedly with ceremonious precision. +</p> + +<p> +At this display of charitable broadmindedness an approving shout went up on all +sides. Thus encouraged I proceeded to kow-tow with even more unceasing +assiduousness, and presently words of definite encouragement mingled with the +shout. “Do not flag in your amiable disinterestedness, Kong Ho,” I +whispered in my ear, “and out of your well-sustained endurance may +perchance arise a cordial understanding, and ultimately a remunerative alliance +between two distinguished nations.” Filled with this patriotic hope I did +not suffer my neck to stiffen, and doubtless I would have continued the +undertaking as long as the sympathetic persons who hemmed me in signified their +refined approval, when suddenly the cry was raised, “Look out, here comes +the coppers!” +</p> + +<p> +This, O my venerable-headed father, I at once guessed to be the announcement +heralding the collecting-bowl which some over-zealous bystander was preparing +to pass round on my behalf, doubtless under the impression—so obtuse in +grasping the true relationship of events are many of the barbarians—that +I was a wandering monk, displaying my reverence for the purpose of mendicancy. +Not wishing to profit by this offensive misapprehension, I was preparing to +rise, when a hand was unceremoniously laid upon my shoulder, and turning round +I saw behind me one of the official watch—a class of men so powerful that +at a gesture from their uplifted hands even the fiercest untamed horse will not +infrequently stand upon its hind legs in mute submission. +</p> + +<p> +“Early morning salutations,” I said pleasantly, though somewhat +involved in speech by my exertion (for these persons are ever to be treated +with discriminating courtesy). “Prosperity to your house, O energetic +street-watcher, and a thousand grandsons to worship their illustrious +ancestor.” +</p> + +<p> +“Thanks,” he replied concisely. “I’m a single man. As +yet. Now then, will you make a way there? Can you stand?” +</p> + +<p> +“Stand?” repeated this person, at once recognising one of the +important words of inner meaning concerning which he had been initiated by the +versatile Quang-Tsun. “Certainly this person will not hesitate to +establish his footing if the exaction is thought to be desirable. Let us, +therefore, bend our steps in the direction of a tea-house of unquestionable +propriety.” +</p> + +<p> +“You’ve bent your steps into quite enough tea-houses, as you call +them, for one day,” replied the official with evasive meaning, at the +same time assisting me to rise (for it need not be denied that the restrained +position had made me for the moment incapable of a self-sustaining effort). +“Look what you’ve done.” +</p> + +<p> +At the direction of his glance I cast my eyes along the street, east and west, +and for the first time I became aware that what I had last seen as a reasonable +gathering had now taken the proportions of an innumerable multitude which +filled the entire space of the thoroughfare, while others covered the roofs +above and protruded themselves from every available window. In our own land the +interspersal of umbrellas, musical instruments, and banners, with an occasional +firework, would have given a greater animation to the scene; but with this +exception I have never taken part in a more impressive and well-extended +procession. Even while I looked, the helmets of other official watchers +appeared in the distance, as immature junks upon the storm-tossed Whang-Hai, +apparently striving fruitlessly to reach us. +</p> + +<p> +As I was by no means sure what attitude was expected of me, I smiled with an +all-embracing approval, and signified to the one at my side, by way of passing +the time pleasurably together, that the likelihood of his nimble-witted friends +reaching us with unruffled garments was remote in the extreme. +</p> + +<p> +“Don’t you let that worry you, Li Hung Chang,” he said, in a +tone that had the appearance of being outside itself around a deeper and more +bitter significance; “if we get out again with any garments at all it +won’t be your fault. Why, you—well, YOU ought to have been put on +the Black List long ago, by rights.” +</p> + +<p> +This, exalted one, although I have not yet been able to learn the exact dignity +of it from any of the books of civil honours, is undoubtedly a mark of signal +attainment, conferred upon the few for distinguishing themselves by some +particular capacity; as our Double Dragon, for instance. Anxious to learn +something of the privileges of the rank from one who evidently was not without +influence in the bestowal, and not unwilling to show him that I was by no means +of low-caste descent, I said to the official, “In his own country one of +this person’s ancestors wore the Decoration of the Yellow Scabbard, which +entitled him to be carried in his chair up to the gate of the Forbidden Palace +before descending to touch the ground. Is this Order of the Black List of a +like purport?” +</p> + +<p> +“You’re right,” he said, “it is. In this country it +entitles you to be carried right inside the door at Bow Street without ever +touching the ground. Look out! Now we shall not—” +</p> + +<p> +At that moment what this person at first assumed to be a floral tribute, until +he saw that not only the entire plant, but the earthenware jar also were +attached, struck the official upon the helmet, whereupon, drawing a concealed +club, he ceased speaking. +</p> + +<p> +How the entertainment was conducted to such a development this person is +totally inadequate to express; but in an incredibly short space of time the +scene became one of most entrancing variety. From every visible point around +the air became filled with commodities which—though doubtless without set +intention—fittingly represented the arts, manufactures, and natural +history of this resourceful country, all cast in prolific abundance at the feet +of the official and myself, although the greater part inevitably struck our +heads and bodies before reaching them. Beyond our immediate circle, as it may +be expressed, the crowd never ceased to press forward with resistless activity, +and among it could be seen occasionally the official watchmen advancing +self-reliantly, though frequently without helmets, and, not less often, the +helmets advancing without the official watchmen. To add to the acknowledged +interest, every person present was proclaiming his views freely on a diversity +of subjects, and above all could be heard the clear notes of the musical +instruments by which the officials sought to encourage one another in their +extremity, and to deaden the cries of those whom they outclubbed. +</p> + +<p> +Despite this person’s repeated protests that the distinction was too +excessive, he was plucked from hand to hand irresistibly among those around, +losing a portion of his ill-made attire at each step, so agreeably anxious were +all to detain him. Just when the exploit seemed likely to have a disagreeable +ending, however, he was thrust heavily against a door which yielded, and at +once barring it behind him, he passed across the open space into which it led, +along a passage between two walls, and thence through an involved labyrinth and +beneath the waters of a canal into a wood of attractive seclusion. Here this +person remained, spending the time in a profitable meditation, until the light +withdrew and the great sky lantern had ascended. Then he cautiously crept +forth, and after some further trivial episodes which chiefly concern the +obstinate-headed slave guarding the outer door of a tea-house, an unintelligent +maiden in the employment of one vending silk-embroidered raiment, the mercenary +controller of a two-wheeled chariot and the sympathetic and opportune arrival +of a person seated upon a funeral car, he succeeded in reaching the place of +his abode. +</p> + +<p> +With unalterable affection and a material request that an unstinted adequacy of +new garments may be sent by a sure and speedy hand. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007"></a> +LETTER V</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning the neglect of ancestors and its discreditable consequences. Two who +state the matter definitely. Concerning the otherside way of looking at things +and the self-contradictory bearing of the maiden Florence. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire,—A discovery of overwhelming malignity oppresses me. In +spite of much baffling ambiguity and the frequent evasion of conscious guilt, +there can be no longer any reasonable doubt that these barbarians <i>do not +worship their ancestors!</i> +</p> + +<p> +Hitherto the matter had rested in my mind as an uneasy breath of suspicion, +agitated from time to time by countless indications that such a possibility +might, indeed, exist in a condensed form, but too inauspiciously profane to be +contemplated in the altogether. Thus, when in the company of the young this +person has walked about the streets of the city, he may at length have said, +“Truly, out of your amiable condescension, you have shown me a variety of +entrancing scenes. Let us now in turn visit the tombs of your ancestors, to the +end that I may transmit fitting gifts to their spirits and discharge a few +propitious fireworks as a greeting.” Yet in no case has this +well-intentioned offer been agilely received, one asserting that he did not +know the resting-place of the tombs in question, a second that he had no +ancestors, a third that Kensal Green was not an entrancing spot for a wet +afternoon, a fourth that he would see them removed to a greater distance first, +another that he drew the line at mafficking in a cemetery, and the like. These +things, it may occur to your omniscience, might in themselves have been +conclusive, yet the next reference to the matter would perhaps be tending to a +more alluring hope. +</p> + +<p> +“To-morrow,” a person has remarked in the hearing of this one, +“I go to the Stratford which is upon the Avon, and without a pause I +shall prostrate myself intellectually before the immortal Shakespeare’s +tomb and worship his unequalled memory.” +</p> + +<p> +“The intention is benevolently conceived,” I remarked. “Yet +has he no descendants, this same Shakespeare, that the conciliation of his +spirit must be left to chance?” +</p> + +<p> +When he assured me that this calamity had come about, I would have added a +richly-gilded brick from my store for transmission also, in the hope that the +neglected and capricious shadow would grant me an immunity from its resentful +attention, but the one in question raised a barrier of dissent. If I wished to +adorn a tomb, he added (evading the deeper significance of the act), there was +that of Goldsmith within its Temple, upon which many impressionable maidens +from across the Bitter Waters of the West make it a custom to deposit chaplets +of verses, in the hope of seeing the offering chronicled in the papers; and in +the Open Space called Trafalgar there were the images of a great captain who +led many junks to victory and the Emperor of a former dynasty, where doubtless +the matter could be arranged; but the surrounding had by this time become too +involved, and this person had no alternative but to smile symmetrically and +reply that his words were indeed opals falling from a topaz basin. +</p> + +<p> +Later in the day, being desirous of becoming instructed more definitely, I +addressed myself to a venerable person who makes clean the passage of the way +at a point not far distant. +</p> + +<p> +“If you have no sons to extend your industrious line,” I said, when +he had revealed this fact to me, “why do you not adopt one to that +end?” +</p> + +<p> +With narrow-minded covetousness, he replied that nowadays he had enough to do +to keep himself, and that it would be more reasonable to get some one to adopt +HIM. +</p> + +<p> +“But,” I exclaimed, ignoring this ill-timed levity, “who, +when you have Passed Beyond, will worship you and transmit to your spirit the +necessities of life?” +</p> + +<p> +“Governor,” he replied, using the term of familiar dignity, +“I’ve made shift without being worshipped for five and sixty years, +and it worries me a sight more to know who will transmit to my body the +necessities of life until I HAVE Passed Beyond.” +</p> + +<p> +“The final consequences of your self-opinionated carelessness,” +this person continued, “will be that your neglected and unprovided +shadow, finding itself no longer acceptable to the society of the better class +demons, will wander forth, and allying itself in despair to the companionship +of a band of outcasts like itself, will be driven to dwell in unclean +habitations and to subsist on the uncertain bounty of the charitable.” +</p> + +<p> +“Very likely,” replied the irredeemable person before me. “I +can’t help its troubles. I have to do all that myself as it is.” +</p> + +<p> +Doubtless this fanaticism contains the secret of the ease with which these +barbarians have possessed themselves of the greater part of the earth, and have +even planted their assertive emblems on one or two spots in our own Flowery +Kingdom. What, O my esteemed parent, what can a brave but devout and +demon-fearing nation do when opposed to a people who are quite prepared to die +without first leaving an adequate posterity to tend their shrines and offer +incense? Assuredly, as a neighbouring philosopher once had occasion to remark, +using for his purpose a metaphor so technically-involved that I must leave the +interpretation until we meet, “It may be war, but it isn’t +cricket.” +</p> + +<p> +The inevitable outcome, naturally, is that the Island must be the +wandering-place of myriads of spirits possessing no recognised standing, and +driven by want—having none to transmit them offerings—to the most +degraded subterfuges. It is freely admitted that there is scarcely an ancient +building not the abode of one or more of these abandoned demons, doubtless +well-disposed in the first instance, and capable of becoming really beneficent +Forces until they were driven to despair by obstinate neglect. A society of +very honourable persons (to which this one has unobtrusively contributed a +gift), exists for the purpose of searching out the most distressing and +meritorious cases among them, and removing them, where possible, to a more +congenial spot. The remarkable fact, to this person’s mind, is, that with +the air and every available space around absolutely packed with demons (as +certainly must be the prevailing state of things), the manifestations of their +malignity and vice are, if anything, rather less evident here than in our own +favoured country, where we do all in our power to satisfy their wants. +</p> + +<p> +That same evening I found myself seated next to a maiden of prepossessing +vivacity, who was spoken of as being one of a kindred but not identical race. +Filled with the incredible profanity of those around, and hoping to find among +a nation so alluringly high-spirited a more congenial elevation of mind, I at +length turned to her and said, “Do not regard the question as one of +unworthy curiosity, for this person’s inside is white and funereal with +his fears; but do you, of your allied race, worship your ancestors?” +</p> + +<p> +The maiden spent a moment in conscientious thought. “No, Mr. Kong,” +she replied, with a most commendable sigh of unfeigned regret, “I +can’t say that we do. I guess it’s because we’re too new. +Mine, now, only go back two generations, and they were mostly in lard. If they +were old and baronial it might be different, but I can’t imagine myself +worshipping an ancestor in lard.” (This doubtless refers to some barbaric +method of embalming.) +</p> + +<p> +“And your wide and enlightened countrymen?” I asked, unable to +restrain a passion of pure-bred despair. “Do they also so regard the +obligation?” +</p> + +<p> +“I am afraid so,” replied the maiden, with an honourable indication +towards my emotion. “But of course when a girl marries into the European +aristocracy, she and all her folk worship her husband’s ancestors, until +every one about is fairly dizzy with the subject.” +</p> + +<p> +It is largely owing to the graceful and virtuous conversation of these lesser +ones that this person’s knowledge of the exact position which the +ceremonial etiquette of the country demands on various occasions is becoming so +proficiently enlarged. It is true that they of my own sex do not hesitate to +inquire with penetrating assiduousness into certain of the manners and customs +of our land, but these for the most part do not lead to a conversation in any +way profitable to my discreeter understanding. Those of the inner chamber, on +the other hand, while not scrupling to question me on the details of dress, the +braiding and gumming of the hair, the style and variety of the stalls of +merchants, the wearing of jade, gold, and crystal ornaments and flowers about +the head, smoking, and other matters affecting our lesser ones, very +magnanimously lead my contemplation back to a more custom-established topic if +by any hap in my ambitious ignorance I outstep it. +</p> + +<p> +In such a manner it chanced on a former occasion that I sat side by side with a +certain maiden awaiting the return of others who had withdrawn for a period. +The season was that of white rains, and the fire being lavishly extended about +the grate we had harmoniously arranged ourselves before it, while this person, +at the repeated and explicit encouragement of the maiden, spoke openly of such +details of the inner chamber as he has already indicated. +</p> + +<p> +“Is it true, Mr. Ho” (thus the maiden, being unacquainted with the +actual facts, consistently addressed me), “that ladies’ feet are +relentlessly compressed until they finally assume the proportions and +appearance of two bulbs?” and as she spoke she absent-mindedly regarded +her own slippers, which were out-thrust somewhat to receive the action of the +fire. +</p> + +<p> +“It is a matter which cannot reasonably be denied,” I replied; +“and it is doubtless owing to this effect that they are designated +‘Golden Lilies.’ Yet when this observance has been slowly and +painfully accomplished, the extremities in question are not less small but +infinitely less graceful than the select and naturally-formed pair which this +person sees before him.” And at the ingeniously-devised compliment +(which, not to become large-headed in self-imagination, it must be admitted was +revealed to me as available for practically all occasions by the really +invaluable Quang-Tsun), I bowed unremittingly. +</p> + +<p> +“O, Mr. Ho!” exclaimed the maiden, and paused abruptly at the sound +of her words, as though they were inept. +</p> + +<p> +“In many other ways a comparison equally irreproachable to the exalted +being at my side might be sought out,” I continued, suddenly forming the +ill-destined judgment that I was no less competent than the more experienced +Quang-Tsun to contrive delicate offerings of speech. “Their hair is rope +like in its lack of spontaneous curve, their eyes as deficient in lustre as a +half-shuttered window; their hands are exceedingly inferior in colour, and both +on the left side, as it may be expressed; their legs—” but at this +point the maiden drew herself so hastily into herself that I had no alternative +but to conclude that unless I reverted in some way the enterprise was in peril +of being inharmoniously conducted. +</p> + +<p> +“Mr. Ho,” said the maiden, after contemplating her inward thoughts +for a moment, “you are a foreigner, and you cannot be expected to know by +instinct what may and what may not be openly expressed in this country. +Therefore, although the obligation is not alluring, I think it kinder to tell +you that the matters which formed the subject of your last words are never to +be referred to.” +</p> + +<p> +At this rebuke I again bowed persistently, for it did not appear reasonable to +me that I could in any other way declare myself without violating the imposed +command. +</p> + +<p> +“Not only are they never openly referred to,” continued the maiden, +who in spite of the declared no allurement of the subject did not seem disposed +to abandon it at once, “but among the most select they are, by unspoken +agreement, regarded as ‘having no actual existence,’ as you +yourself would say.” +</p> + +<p> +“Yet,” protested this person, somewhat puzzled, “to one who +has witnessed the highly-achieved attitudes of those within your Halls of +Harmony, and in an unyielding search for knowledge has addressed himself even +to the advertisement pages of the ladies’ papers—” +</p> + +<p> +The maiden waved her hand magnanimously. “In your land, as you have told +me, there are many things, not really existing, which for politeness you assume +to be. In a like but converse manner this is to be so regarded.” +</p> + +<p> +I thanked her voluminously. “The etiquette of this country is as involved +as the spoken tongue,” I said, “for both are composed chiefly of +exceptions to a given rule. It was formerly impressed upon this person, as a +guiding principle, that that which is unseen is not to be discussed; yet it is +not held in disrepute to allude to so intimate and secluded an organ as the +heart, for no further removed than yesterday he heard the deservedly popular +sea-lieutenant in the act of declaring to you, upon his knees, that you were +utterly devoid of such a possession.” +</p> + +<p> +At this inoffensively-conveyed suggestion, the fire opposite had all the +appearance of suddenly reflecting itself into the maiden’s face with a +most engaging concentration, while at the same time she stamped her foot in +ill-concealed rage. +</p> + +<p> +“You’ve been listening at the door!” she cried impetuously, +“and I shall never forgive you.” +</p> + +<p> +“To no extent,” I declared hastily (for although I had indeed been +listening at the door, it appeared, after the weight which she set upon the +incident, more honourable that I should deny it in order to conciliate her +mind). “It so chanced that for the moment this person had forgotten +whether the handle he was grasping was of the push-out or turn-in variety, and +in the involvement a few words of no particular or enduring significance +settled lightly upon his perception. +</p> + +<p> +“In that case,” she replied in high-souled liberality, while her +eyes scintillated towards me with a really all-overpowering radiance, “I +will forgive you.” +</p> + +<p> +“We have an old but very appropriate saying, ‘To every man the +voice of one maiden carries further than the rolling of thunder,’” +I remarked in a significantly restrained tone; for, although conscious that the +circumstance was becoming more menace-laden than I had any previous intention, +I found myself to be incapable of extrication. “Florence—” +</p> + +<p> +“Oh,” she exclaimed quickly, raising her polished hand with an +undeniable gesture of reproof, “you must not call me by my christian +name, Mr. Ho.” +</p> + +<p> +“Yet,” replied this person, with a confessedly stubborn inelegance, +“you call me by the name of Ho.” +</p> + +<p> +Her eyes became ox-like in an utter absence of almond outline. +“Yes,” she said gazing, “but that—that is not your +christian name, is it?” +</p> + +<p> +“In a position of speaking—this one being as a matter of fact a +discreditable follower of the sublime Confucius—it may be so +regarded,” I answered, “inasmuch as it is the milk-name of +childhood.” +</p> + +<p> +“But you always put it last,” she urged. +</p> + +<p> +“Assuredly,” I replied. “Being irrevocably born with the +family name of Kong, it is thought more reasonable that that should stand +first. After that, others are attached as the various contingencies demand it, +as Ho upon participating in the month-age feast, the book-name of Tsin at a +later period, Paik upon taking a degree, and so forth.” +</p> + +<p> +“I am very sorry, Mr. Kong,” said the maiden, adding, with what at +the time certainly struck this person as shallow-witted prejudice. “Of +course it is really quite your own fault for being so tospy-turvily arranged in +every way. But, to return to the subject, why should not one speak of +one’s heart?” +</p> + +<p> +“Because,” replied this person, colouring deeply, and scarcely able +to control his unbearable offence that so irreproachably-moulded a creature +should openly refer to the detail, “because it is a gross and unrefined +particular, much more internal and much less pleasantly-outlined than those +extremities whose spoken equivalent shall henceforth be an abandoned word from +my lips.” +</p> + +<p> +“But, in any case, it is not the actual organ that one infers,” +protested the maiden. “As the seat of the affections, passions, virtues, +and will, it is the conventional emblem of every thought and emotion.” +</p> + +<p> +“By no means,” I cried, forgetting in the face of so heterodox an +assertion that it would be well to walk warily at every point. “That is +the stomach.” +</p> + +<p> +“Ah!” exclaimed the maiden, burying her face in a +gracefully-perfumed remnant of lace, to so overwhelming a degree that for the +moment I feared she might become involved in the dizzy falling. “Never, +by any mischance, use that word again in the society of the presentable, Mr. +Kong.” +</p> + +<p> +“The ceremonial usage of my own land of the Heavenly Dynasty is +proverbially elaborate,” I said, with a gesture of self-abasement, +“but in comparison with yours it may be regarded as an undeviating walk +when opposed to a stately and many-figured dance. Among the company of the +really excessively select (in which must ever be included the one whom I am now +addressing), it becomes difficult for an outcast of my illimitable obtuseness +to move to one side or the other without putting his foot into that.” +</p> + +<p> +“Oh no,” exclaimed the maiden, in fragrant encouragement, “I +think you are getting on very nicely, Mr. Kong, and one does not look for +absolute conformance from a foreigner—especially one who is so extremely +foreign. If I can help you with anything—of course I could not even speak +as I have done to an ordinary stranger, but with one of a distant race it seems +different—if I can tell you anything that will save you—” +</p> + +<p> +“You are all-exalted,” I replied, with seemly humility, “and +virtue and wisdom press out your temples on either side. Certainly, since I +have learned that the heart is so poetically regarded, I have been assailed by +a fear lest other organs which I have hitherto despised might be used in a +similar way. Now, as regards liver—” +</p> + +<p> +“It is only used with bacon,” replied the maiden, rising abruptly. +</p> + +<p> +“Kidneys?” suggested this person diffidently, really anxious to +detain her footsteps, although from her expression it did not rest assured that +the incident was taking an actually auspicious movement. +</p> + +<p> +“I don’t think you need speak of those except at breakfast,” +she said; “but I hear the others returning, and I must really go to dress +for dinner.” +</p> + +<p> +Among the barbarians many keep books wherein to inscribe their deep and +beautiful thoughts. This person had therefore provided himself with one also, +and, drawing it forth, he now added to a page of many other interesting +compositions: “Maidens of immaculate refinement do not hesitate to admit +before a person of a different sex that they are on the point of changing their +robes. The liver is in some intricate way an emblem representing bacon, or +together with it the two stand for a widely differing analogy. Among those of +the highest exclusiveness kidneys are never alluded to after the tenth +gong-stroke of the morning.” +</p> + +<p> +With a sincerely ingrained trust that the scenes of dignity, opulence, and +wisdom, set forth in these superficial letters, are not unsettling your +intellect and causing you to yearn for a fuller existence. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008"></a> +LETTER VI</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning this person’s well-sustained efforts to discover further +demons. The behaviour of those invoked on two occasions. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire,—In an early letter I made some reference to a variety of +demon invoked by certain of the barbarians. As this matter aroused your +congenial interest, I have since privately bent my mind incessantly to the +discovery of others; but this has been by no means easy, for, touching the more +intimate details of the subject, the barbarians frequently maintain a +narrow-minded suspicion. Many whom I have approached feign to become amused or +have evaded a deliberate answer under the subterfuge of a jest; yet, whenever I +would have lurked by night in their temples or among the enclosed spaces of +their tombs to learn more, at a given signal one in authority has approached me +with anxiety and mistrust engraved upon his features, and, disregarding my +unassuming protest that I would remain alone in a contemplative reverie, has +signified that so devout an exercise is contrary to their written law. +</p> + +<p> +On one occasion only did this person seem to hold himself poised on the very +edge of a fuller enlightenment. This was when, in the venerable company of +several benevolent persons, he was being taken from place to place to see the +more important buildings, and to observe the societies of artificers labouring +at their crafts. The greater part of the day had already been spent in visiting +temples, open spaces reserved to children and those whose speech, appearance, +and general manner of behaving make it desirable that they should be set apart +from the contact of the impressionable, halls containing relics and emblems of +the past, places of no particular size or attraction but described as being of +unparalleled historic interest, and the stalls of the more reputable venders of +merchandise. +</p> + +<p> +Doubtless, with observing so many details of a conflicting nature, this +person’s discriminating faculties had become obscured, but towards +evening he certainly understood that we sought the company of an assembly of +those who had been selected from all the Empire to pronounce definitely upon +matters of supreme import. The building before which our chariot stopped had +every appearance of being worthy of so exceptional a gathering, and with a most +affluent joy that I should at last be able to glean a decisive pronouncement, I +evaded those who had accompanied me, and, mingling self-reliantly with the +throng inside, I quickly surrounded myself with many of the wisest-looking, and +begged that they would open their heads freely and express their innermost +opinions upon the subject of demons of all kinds. +</p> + +<p> +Although I had admittedly hoped that these persons would not conceal themselves +behind the wings of epigram or intangible prevarication, I was far from being +prepared for the candour with which they greeted me, and although by long usage +I am reasonably unconcerned at the proximity of any of our own recognised +genii, it is not to be denied that my organs of ferocity grew small and +unstable at the revelations. +</p> + +<p> +From their words it appeared that the spot on which we stood had long been the +recognised centre and meeting-place for every class of abandoned and +objectionable spirit of the universe. Not only this, but several of the persons +who had gathered around were confidently pointed out as the earthly embodiment +of various diabolical Forces, while others cheerfully admitted that they +themselves were the shadows of certain illustrious ones who had long Passed +Above, and all united in declaring that those who moved among them wearing the +distinction of a dark blue uniform were Evil Beings of a most ghoulish and +repulsive type. Indeed, as I looked more closely, I could see that not only +those pointed out, but all standing around, had expressions immeasurably more +in keeping with a band of outcast spirits than suggestive of an assembly +representing wisdom and dignified ease. At that moment, however, a most +inelegant movement was caused by one suddenly declaring that he had recognised +this one who is inscribing his experiences to be the apparition of a certain +great reformer who during the period of his ordinary existence had received the +name of Guy Fawkes, and amid a tumult of overwhelming acclamation a proposal +was raised that I should be carried around in triumph and afterwards initiated +into the observance of a time-honoured custom. Although it had now become +doubtful to what end the adventure was really tending, this person would have +submitted himself agreeably to the participation had not the blue-apparelled +band cleft their way into the throng just as I was about to be borne off in +triumph, and forming themselves into a ringed barrier around me they presently +succeeded in rearranging the contending elements and in restoring me to the +society of my friends. To these persons they complained with somewhat +unreasoning acrimony that I had been exciting the inmates into a state of +rebellion with wild imaginings, and for the first time I then began to +understand that an important error had been perpetrated by some one, and that +instead of being a meeting-place for those upholding the wisdom and authority +of the country, the building was in reality an establishment for the mentally +defective and those of treacherous instincts. +</p> + +<p> +For some time after this occurrence I failed to regard the subject of demons +and allied Forces in any but a spirit of complete no enthusiasm, but more +recently my interest and research have been enlarged by the zeal and +supernatural conversation of a liberal-minded person who sought my prosaic +society with indefatigable persistence. When we had progressed to such a length +that the one might speak of affairs without the other at once interposing that +he himself had also unfortunately come out quite destitute of money, this +stranger, who revealed to me that his name was Glidder, but that in the company +of a certain chosen few he was known intimately as the Keeper of the Salograma, +approached me confidentially, and inquired whether we of our Central Kingdom +were in the habit of receiving manifestations from the spirits of those who had +Passed Beyond. +</p> + +<p> +At the unassumed ingenuousness of this remark I suffered my impassiveness to +relax, as I replied with well-established pride that although a country which +neglected its ancestors might doubtless be able to produce more of the ordinary +or graveyard spectres, we were unapproachable for the diverse forms and +malignant enmity of our apparitions. Of invisible beings alone, I continued +tolerantly, we had the distinction of being harassed by upwards of seven +hundred clearly-defined varieties, while the commoner inflictions of demons, +shades, visions, warlocks, phantoms, sprites, imps, phenomena, ghosts, and +reflections passed almost without comment; and touching our admitted national +speciality of dragons, the honour of supremacy had never been questioned. +</p> + +<p> +At this, the agreeable person said that the pleasure he derived from meeting me +was all-excelling, and that I must certainly accompany him to a meeting-place +of this same chosen few the following evening, when, by the means of sacred +expedients, they hoped to invoke the presence of some departed spirits, and +perchance successfully raise a tangible vision or two. To so fair-minded a +proposal I held myself acquiescently, and then inquired where the meeting-place +in question was destined to be—whether in a ruined and abandoned +sanctuary, or upon some precipitous spot of desolation. +</p> + +<p> +The inquiry was gracefully intended, but a passing cloud of unworthy annoyance +revealed itself upon the upper part of the other’s expression as he +replied, “We, the true seekers, despise theatrical accessories, and, as a +matter of fact, I couldn’t well get away from the office in time to go +anywhere far. To-morrow we meet at my place in the Camden Road. It’s only +a three-half-penny tram stage from the Euston and Tottenham Court corner, so it +couldn’t be much more convenient for you.” He thereupon gave me an +inscribed fragment of paper and mentioned the appointed hour. +</p> + +<p> +“I’ll tell you why I am particularly anxious for you to come +to-morrow,” he said as we were each departing from one another. +“Pash—he’s the Reader of the Veda among us—and his +people have got hold of a Greek woman (they SAY she is a princess, of course), +who can do a lot of things with flowers and plate glass. They are bringing her +for the first time to-morrow, and it struck me that if I have YOU there already +when they arrive—you’ll come in your national costume by the +way?—it will be a considerable set-off. Since his daughter was presented +to the duchess at the opening of a bazaar, there has been no holding Pash; why +he was ever elected Reader of the Books, I don’t know. Er—we have +had scoffers sometimes, but I trust I may rely upon you not to laugh at +anything you may not happen to agree with?” +</p> + +<p> +With conscientious dignity I replied that I had only really laughed seven times +in my life, and therefore the entertainment was one which I was not likely to +embark upon hastily or with inadequate cause. He immediately expressed a seemly +regret that the detail had been spoken, and again assuring him that at the +stated hour I would present myself at the house bearing the symbol engraved +upon the card, we definitely parted. +</p> + +<p> +That, as a matter of fact, I did not so present myself at the exact hour, +chiefly concerns the uncouth and arbitrary-minded charioteer who controlled the +movements of the vehicle to which the one whom I was seeking had explicitly +referred; for at an angle in the road he suffered the horses to draw us aside +into a path which did not correspond to the engraved signs upon the card, nor +by any word of persuasion could he be prevailed upon to return. +</p> + +<p> +Thus, without any possible reproach upon the manner in which I was conducting +the enterprise, it came about that by the time I reached the spot indicated, +all those persons who had been spoken of as constituting a chosen band were +assembled, and with them the barbarian princess. Nevertheless, this person was +irreproachably greeted, and the maiden indicated even spoke a few words to him +in an outside tongue. Being necessarily unacquainted with the import of the +remark I spread out my hands with a sign of harmonious sympathy and smiled +agreeably, whereat she appeared to receive an added esteem from the faces of +those around (excluding those directly of the House of Glidder), and was +thereby encouraged to speak similarly at intervals, this person each time +replying in a like fashion. +</p> + +<p> +“Is he then a Guide of the Way, also, princess?” said the one Pash, +who had noted the occurrence; to which the maiden replied, “To a degree, +yet lacking the Innermost Mysteries.” +</p> + +<p> +Presently it was announced that all things were fittingly prepared in another +chamber. Here, upon a table of polished wood, stood on the one side a round +stone with certain markings, a group of inscribed books, and various other +emblems; and on the other side a bowl of water, a sphere of crystal, pieces of +unwritten parchment, and behind all, and at a distance away, a sheet of +transparent glass, greater in height than an ordinary person and as wide. When +all were seated—the one who had enticed me among them placing himself +before the stone, the person Pash guarding the books, the barbarian princess +being surrounded by her symbols and alone in a self-imposed solitude, and the +others at various points—the lights were subdued and the appearances +awaited. +</p> + +<p> +It would scarcely be respectful, O my enlightened father, to take up your +well-spent leisure by a too prolific account of the matters which followed, +they being in no way dissimilar from the manifestations by which the +uninitiated little ones of Yuen-ping are wont to amuse themselves and pass the +winter evenings. From time to time harmonious sounds could be plainly detected, +flowers and branches of wood were scattered sparsely here and there, persons +claimed that passing objects had touched their faces, and misshapen forms of +smoke-like density (which some confidently recognised as the outlines of +departed ones whom they had known), revealed themselves against the glass. When +this had been accomplished, the lights were recalled, and the barbarian maiden, +sinking into a condition of languor, announced and foretold events and +happenings upon which she was consulted, sometimes replying by spoken words, at +others suffering her hand to trace them lightly upon the parchment sheets. +Thus, to an inquirer it was announced that one, Aunt Mary, in the Upper Air, +was well and happy, though undeniably pained at the action of Cousin William in +the matter of the freehold houses, and more than sceptical how his marriage +would turn out. Another was advised that although the interest on Consols was +admittedly lower than that anticipated by those controlling the destines of a +new venture entitled, The Great Rosy Dawn Gold Mine Development Syndicate, and +the name certainly less poetically inspiring, the advising spirits were of the +opinion that the former enterprise would prove the more stable of the two, and, +in any case, they recommended the person in question to begin by placing not +more than half of her life’s savings into the mine. The family of the +House of Pash was assured that beneficent spirits surrounded them at every +turn, and that their good deeds were not suffered to fall unfruitfully to the +ground; while many bearing the name of Glidder, on the other hand, were +reproved by one who had known them in infancy for the offences of jealousy, +ostentation, vain thoughts, shallowness of character, and the like. +</p> + +<p> +At length, revered, as there seemed to be no reasonable indication of any +barbarian phantom of weight or authority appearing—nothing, indeed, +beyond what a person in our country, of no admitted skill, would accomplish in +the penetrating light of day with two others holding his hands, and a third +reposing upon his head, I formed the perhaps immature judgment that the one to +whom I was indebted for the entertainment would be suffering a grievous +frustration of his hopes and a diminution of his outward authority. Therefore, +without sufficient consideration of the restricted surroundings, as it +afterwards appeared, I threw myself into a retrospective vision, and floating +unencumbered through space, I sought for Kwan Kiang-ti, the Demon of the +Waters, upon whom I might fittingly call, as I was given into his keeping by +the ceremony of spirit-adoption at an early age. Meeting an influence which I +recognised to be an indication of his presence, in the vicinity of the Eighth +Region, I obsequiously entreated that he would reveal himself without delay, +and then, convinced of his sympathetic intervention, I suffered my spirit to +recall itself, and revived into the condition of an ordinary existence. +</p> + +<p> +“We have among us this evening, my friends,” the one Pash was +saying, “a very remarkable lady—if I may use so democratic a term +in the connection—to whom the limits of Time and Space are empty words, +and before whose supreme Will the most portentous Forces of Occult Nature +mutely confess themselves her attending slaves—” But at that moment +the rolling drums of Kiang-ti’s thunder drowned his words, although he +subsequently raised his voice above it to entreat that any knives or other +articles of a bright and attractive kind should at once be removed to a place +of safety. +</p> + +<p> +Heralded by these continuous sounds, and accompanied by innumerable flashes of +lightning, the genius presently manifested himself, leisurely developing out of +the air around. He appeared in his favourite guise of an upright dragon, his +scales being arranged in rows of nine each way, a pearl showing within his +throat, and upon his head the wooden bar. The lights were extinguished +incapably by the rain which fell continually in his presence, but from his body +there proceeded a luminous breath which sufficiently revealed the various +incidents. +</p> + +<p> +“Kong Ho,” said this opportune vision, speaking with a voice like +the beating of a brass gong, “the course you have adopted is an unusual +one, but the weight and regularity of your offerings have merit in my eyes. +Nevertheless, if your invocation is only the outcome of a shallow vanity or a +profane love of display, nothing can save you from a painful death. Speak now, +fully and without evasion, and fear nothing.” +</p> + +<p> +“Amiable Being,” said this person, kow-towing profoundly, +“the matter was designed to the end only that your incomparable +versatility might be fittingly displayed. These barbarians sought vainly to +raise phantoms capable of any useful purpose, whereupon I, jealous of your +superior omnipotence, judged it would be an unseemly neglect not to inform you +of the opportunity.” +</p> + +<p> +“It is well,” said the demon affably. “All doubt in the +matter shall now be set at rest. Could any more convincing act be found than +that I should breath upon these barbarians and reduce them instantly to a +scattering of thin white ashes?” +</p> + +<p> +“Assuredly it would be a conclusive testimony,” I replied; +“yet in that case consider how inadequate a witness could be borne to +your enlightened condescension, when none would be left but one to whom the +spoken language of this Island is more in the nature of a trap than a +comfortable vehicle.” +</p> + +<p> +“Your reasoning is profound, Kong Ho,” he replied, “yet +abundant proof shall not be wanting.” With these words he raised his +hand, and immediately the air became filled with an overwhelming shower of +those productions with which Kwan Kiang-ti’s name is chiefly +associated—shells and pebbles of all kinds, lotus and other roots from +the river banks, weeds from seas of greater depths, fish of interminable +variety from both fresh and bitter waters, all falling in really embarrassing +abundance, and mingled with an incessant rain of sand and water. In the midst +of this the demon suddenly passed away, striking the table as he went, so that +it was scarred with the brand of a five-clawed hand, shattering all the objects +upon it (excepting the stone and the books, which he doubtless regarded as +sacred to some extent), and leaving the room involved in a profound darkness. +</p> + +<p> +“For the love av the saints—for the love av the saints, save us +from the yellow devils!” exclaimed a voice from the spot where last the +barbarian princess had reclined, and upon this person going to her assistance +with lights it was presently revealed that she alone had remained seated, the +others having all assembled themselves beneath the table in spite of the +incapability of the space at their disposal. Most of the weightier evidences of +Kwan Kiang-ti’s majestic presence had faded away, though the table +retained the print of his impressive hand, many objects remained irretrievably +torn apart, and in a distant corner of the room an insignificant heap of shells +and seaweed still lingered. From the floor covering a sprinkling of the purest +Fuh-chow sand rose at every step, the salt dew of the Tung-Hai still dropped +from the surroundings, and, at a later period, a shore crab was found +endeavouring to make its escape undetected. +</p> + +<p> +Convinced that the success of the manifestation would have enlarged the one +Glidder’s esteem towards me to an inexpressible degree, I now approached +him with words of self-deprecation ready on my tongue, but before he spoke I +became aware, from the nature of his glance, that the provision had been +unnecessary, for already his face had begun to assume, to a most distended +amount, the expression which I had long recognised as a synonym that some +detail had been regarded at a different angle from that anticipated. +</p> + +<p> +“May I ask,” he began in a somewhat heavily-laden voice, after he +had assured himself that the person who was speaking was himself, and his +external attributes unchanged, “May I ask, sir” (and at this title, +which is untranslatable in its many-sided significance when technically +employed, I recognised that all complimentary intercourse might be regarded as +having closed), “whether you accept the responsibility of these +proceedings?” +</p> + +<p> +“Touching the appearance which has so essentially contributed to the +success of the occasion, it is undeniably due to this one’s +foresight,” I replied modestly. +</p> + +<p> +“Then let me tell you, sir, that I consider it an outrage—a +dastardly outrage.” +</p> + +<p> +“Yet,” protested this person with retiring assertiveness, +“the expressed object of the ceremony, as it stood before my +intelligence, was for the set purpose of invoking spirits and raising certain +visions.” +</p> + +<p> +“Spirits!” exclaimed the one before me with an accent of +concentrated aversion; “yes, spirits; impalpable, civilised, genuine +spirits, who manifest themselves through recognised media, and are conformable +to the usages of the best drawing-room society—yes. But not demons, sir; +not Chinese devils in the Camden Road—no. Truth and Light at any cost, +not paganism. It’s perfectly scandalous. Look at the mahogany +table—ruined; look at the wall-paper—conventional mackerels with a +fishing-net background, new this spring—soused; look at the Brussels +carpet, seventeen six by twenty-five—saturated!” +</p> + +<p> +“I quite agree with you, Mr. Glidder,” here interposed the +individual Pash. “I was watching you, sir, closely the whole time, and I +have my suspicions about how it was done. I don’t know whether Mr. +Glidder has any legal redress, but I should certainly advise him to see his +solicitors to-morrow, and in the meantime—” +</p> + +<p> +“He is my guest,” exclaimed the one whose hospitality I was +enjoying, “and while he is beneath my roof he is sacred.” +</p> + +<p> +“But I do not think that it would be kind to detain him any longer in his +wet things,” said another of the household, with pointed malignity, and +accepting this as an omen of departure, I withdrew myself, bowing repeatedly, +but offering no closer cordiality. +</p> + +<p> +“Through a torn sleeve one drops a purse of gold,” it is well said; +and as if to prove to a deeper end that misfortune is ever double-handed, this +incapable being, involved in thoughts of funereal density, bent his footsteps +to an inaccurate turning, and after much wandering was compelled to pass the +night upon a desolate heath—but that would be the matter of another +narrative. +</p> + +<p> +With an insidious doubt whether, after all, the far-seeing Kwan +Kiang-ti’s first impulse would not have been the most satisfactory +conclusion to the enterprise. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009"></a> +LETTER VII</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning warfare, both as waged by ourselves and by a nation devoid of true +civilisation. The aged man and the meeting and the parting of our ways. The +instance of the one who expressed emotion by leaping. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire,—You are omniscient, but I cannot regard the fear which +you express in your beautifully-written letter, bearing the sign of the +eleventh day of the seventh moon, as anything more than the imaginings prompted +by a too-lavish supper of your favourite shark’s fin and peanut oil. +Unless the dexterously-elusive attributes of the genial-spoken persons high in +office at Pekin have deteriorated contemptibly since this one’s +departure, it is quite impossible for our great and enlightened Empire to be +drawn into a conflict with the northern barbarians whom you indicate, against +our will. When the matter becomes urgent, doubtless a prince of the Imperial +line will loyally suffer himself to Pass Above, and during the period of +ceremonial mourning for so pure and exalted an official it would indeed be an +unseemly desecration to engage in any public business. If this failed, and an +ultimatum were pressed with truly savage contempt for all that is sacred and +refined, it might be well next to consider the health even of the sublime +Emperor himself (or, perhaps better, that of the select and ever-present +Dowager Empress); but should the barbarians still advance, and, setting the +usages of civilised warfare at defiance, threaten an engagement in the midst of +this unparalleled calamity, there will be no alternative but to have a +formidable rebellion in the Capital. All the barbarian powers will then +assemble as usual, and in the general involvement none dare move alone, and +everything will have to be regarded as being put back to where it was before. +It is well said, “The broken vessel can never be made whole, but it may +be delicately arranged so that another shall displace it.” +</p> + +<p> +These barbarians, less resourceful in device, have only recently emerged from a +conflict into which they do not hesitate to admit they were drawn despite their +protests. Such incompetence is characteristic of their methods throughout. Not +in any way disguising their purpose, they at once sent out an army of those +whom could be the readiest seized, certainly furnishing them with weapons, +charms to use in case of emergency, and three-coloured standards (their +adversaries adopting a white banner to symbolise the conciliation of their +attitude, and displaying both freely in every extremity), but utterly +neglecting to teach them the arts of painting their bodies with awe-inspiring +forms, of imitating the cries of wild animals as they attacked, of clashing +their weapons together with menacing vigour, or any of the recognised artifices +by which terror may be struck into the ranks of an awaiting foeman. The result +was that which the prudent must have foreseen. The more accomplished enemy, +without exposing themselves to any unnecessary inconvenience, gained many +advantages by their intrepid power of dissimulation—arranging their +garments and positions in such a way that they had the appearance of attacking +when in reality they were effecting a prudent retreat; rapidly concealing +themselves among the earth on the approach of an overwhelming force; becoming +openly possessed with the prophetic vision of an assured final victory whenever +it could be no longer concealed that matters were becoming very desperate +indeed; and gaining an effective respite when all other ways of extrication +were barred against them by the stratagem of feigning that they were other than +those whom they had at first appeared to be. +</p> + +<p> +In the meantime the adventure was not progressing pleasantly for those chiefly +concerned at home. With the earliest tidings of repulse it was discovered that +in the haste of embarkation the wrong persons had been sent, all those who were +really the fittest to command remaining behind, and many of these did not +hesitate to write to the printed papers, resolutely admitting that they +themselves were in every way better qualified to bring the expedition to a +successful end, at the same time skilfully pointing out how the disasters which +those in the field had incurred could easily have been avoided by acting in a +precisely contrary manner. +</p> + +<p> +In the emergency the most far-seeing recommended a more unbending policy of +extermination. Among these, one in particular, a statesman bearing an +illustrious name of two-edged import, distinguished himself by the liberal +broad-mindedness of his opinions, and for the time he even did not flinch from +making himself excessively unpopular by the wide and sweeping variety of his +censure. “We are confessedly a barbarian nation,” fearlessly +declared this unprejudiced person (who, although entitled by hereditary right +to carry a banner on the field of battle, with patriotic self-effacement +preferred to remain at home and encourage those who were fighting by pointing +out their inadequacy to the task and the extreme unlikelihood of their ever +accomplishing it), “and in order to achieve our purpose speedily it is +necessary to resort to the methods of barbarism.” The most effective +measure, as he proceeded to explain with well-thought-out detail, would be to +capture all those least capable of resistance, concentrate them into a given +camp, and then at an agreed signal reduce the entire assembly to what he +termed, in a passage of high-minded eloquence, “a smoking hecatomb of +women and children.” +</p> + +<p> +His advice was pointed with a crafty insight, for not only would such a course +have brought the stubborn enemy to a realisation of the weakness of their +position and thus paved the way to a dignified peace, but by the act itself few +would have been left to hand down the tradition of a relentless antagonism. Yet +with incredible obtuseness his advice was ignored and he himself was referred +to at the time by those who regarded the matter from a different angle, with a +scarcely-veiled dislike, which towards many of his followers took the form of +building materials and other dissentient messages whenever they attempted to +raise their voices publicly. As an inevitable result the conquest of the +country took years, where it would have been moons had the more truly humane +policy been adopted, commerce and the arts languished, and in the end so little +spoil was taken that it was more common to meet six mendicants wearing the +honourable embellishment of the campaign than to see one captured slave maiden +offered for sale in the market places—indeed, even to this day the +deficiency is clearly admitted and openly referred to as The Great +“Domestic” Problem. +</p> + +<hr /> + +<p> +At various times during my residence here I have been filled with a most acute +gratification when the words of those around have seemed to indicate that they +recognised the undoubted superiority of the laws and institutions of our +enlightened country. Sometimes, it is true, upon a more detailed investigation +of the incident, it has presently appeared that either I had misunderstood the +exact nature of their sentiments or they had slow-wittedly failed to grasp the +precise operation of the enactment I had described; but these exceptions are +clearly the outcome of their superficial training, and do not affect the fact +my feeble and frequently even eccentric arguments are at length certainly +moving the more intelligent into an admission of what constitutes true justice +and refinement. It is not to be denied that here and there exists a prejudice +against our customs even in the minds of the studious; but as this is +invariably the shadow of misconception, it has frequently been my sympathetic +privilege to promote harmony by means of the inexorable logic of fact and +reason. “But are not your officials uncompromisingly opposed to the +freedom of the Press?” said one who conversed with me on the varying +phases of the two countries, and knowing that in his eyes this would constitute +an unendurable offence, I at once appeased his mind. “By no means,” +I replied; “if anything, the exact contrary is the case. As a matter of +reality, of course, there is no Press now, the all-seeing Board of Censors +having wisely determined that it was not stimulating to the public welfare; but +if such an institution was permitted to exist you may rest genially assured +that nothing could exceed the lenient toleration which all in office would +extend towards it.” A similar instance of malicious inaccuracy is widely +spoken of regarding our lesser ones. “Is it really a fact, Mr. +Kong,” exclaimed a maiden of magnanimous condescension, to this person +recently, “that we poor women are despised in your country, and that +among the working-classes female children are even systematically abandoned as +soon as they are born?” Suffering my features to express amusement at +this unending calumny, I indicated my violent contempt towards the one who had +first uttered it. “So far from despising them,” I continued, with +ingratiating gallantry, “we recognise that they are quite necessary for +the purposes of preparing our food, carrying weighty burdens, and the like; and +how grotesque an action would it be for poor but affectionate parents to +abandon one who in a few years’ time could be sold at a really +remunerative profit, this, indeed, being the principal means of sustenance in +many frugal families.” +</p> + +<p> +On another occasion I had seated myself upon a wooden couch in one of the open +spaces about the outskirts of the city, when an aged man chanced to pass by. +Him I saluted with ceremonious politeness, on account of his years and the +venerable dignity of his beard. Thereupon he approached near, and remarking +affably that the afternoon was good (though, to use no subtle evasion, it was +very evil), he congenially sat by my side and entered into familiar discourse. +</p> + +<p> +“They say that in your part of the world we old grandfathers are +worshipped,” he said, after recounting to my ears all the most intimate +details of his existence from his youth upwards; “now, might that be +right?” +</p> + +<p> +“Truly,” I replied. “It is the unchanging foundation of our +system of morality.” +</p> + +<p> +“Ay, ay,” he admitted pleasantly. “We are a long way behind +them foreigners in everything. At the rate we’re going there won’t +be any trade nor work nor religion left in this country in another twenty +years. I often wish I had gone abroad when I was younger. And if I had chanced +upon your parts I should be worshipped, eh?” and at the agreeable thought +the aged man laughed in his throat with simple humour. +</p> + +<p> +“Assuredly,” I replied; “—after you were dead.” +</p> + +<p> +“Eh?” exclaimed the venerable person, checking the fountain of his +mirth abruptly at the word. “Dead! not before? +Doesn’t—doesn’t that seem a bit of a waste?” +</p> + +<p> +“Such has been the observance from the time of unrecorded +antiquity,” I replied. “‘Obey parents, respect the old, +loyally uphold the sovereign, and worship ancestors.’” +</p> + +<p> +“Well, well,” remarked the one beside me, “obedience and +respect—that’s something nowadays. And you make them do it?” +</p> + +<p> +“Our laws are unflinching in their application,” I said. “No +crime is held to be more detestable than disrespect of those to whom we owe our +existence.” +</p> + +<p> +“Quite right,” he agreed, “it’s a pleasure to hear it. +It must be a great country, yours; a country with a future, I should say. Now, +about that youngest lad of my son Henry’s—the one that drops pet +lizards down my neck, and threatened to put rat poison into his mother’s +tea when she wouldn’t take him to the Military Turneyment; what would +they do to him by your laws?” +</p> + +<p> +“If the assertion were well sustained by competent witnesses,” I +replied, “it would probably be judged so execrable an offence, that a new +punishment would have to be contrived. Failing that, he would certainly be +wrapped round from head to foot in red-hot chains, and thus exposed to public +derision.” +</p> + +<p> +“Ah, red-hot chains!” said the aged person, as though the words +formed a pleasurable taste upon his palate. “The young beggar! Well, +he’d deserve it.” +</p> + +<p> +“Furthermore,” I continued, gratified at having found one who so +intelligently appreciated the deficiencies of his own country and the +unblemished perfection of ours, “his parents and immediate descendants, +if any should exist, would be submitted to a fate as inevitable but slightly +less contemptuous—slow compression, perchance; his parents once removed +(thus enclosing your venerable personality), and remoter offsprings would be +merely put to the sword without further ignominy, and those of less kinship to +about the fourth degree would doubtless escape with branding and a +reprimand.” +</p> + +<p> +“Lordelpus!” exclaimed the patriarchal one, hastily leaping to the +extreme limit of the wooden couch, and grasping his staff into a significant +attitude of defence; “what’s that for?” +</p> + +<p> +“Our system of justice is all-embracing,” I explained. “It is +reasonably held that in such a case either that there is an inherent strain of +criminality which must be eradicated at all hazard, or else that those who are +responsible for the virtuous instruction of the young have been grossly +neglectful of their duty. Whichever is the true cause, by this unfailing method +we reach the desired end, for, as our proverb aptly says, ‘Do the wise +pluck the weed and leave the roots to spread?’” +</p> + +<p> +“It’s butchery, nothing short of Smithfield,” said the +ancient person definitely, rising and moving to a more remote distance as he +spoke the words, yet never for a moment relaxing the aggressive angle at which +he thrust out his staff before him. “You’re a bloodthirsty race in +my opinion, and when they get this door open in China that there’s so +much talk about, out you go through it, my lad, or old England will know +why.” With this narrow-minded imprecation on his lips he left me, not +even permitting me to continue expounding what would be the most likely +sentences meted out to the witnesses in the case, the dwellers of the same +street, and the members of the household with whom the youth in question had +contemplated forming an alliance. +</p> + +<p> +Among the many contradictions which really almost seem purposely arranged to +entrap the unwary in this strangely under-side-up country, is the fact that +while the ennobled and those of high official rank are courteous in their +attitude and urbane—frequently even to the extent of refusing money from +those whom they have obliged, no matter how privately pressed upon +them—the low-caste and slavish are not only deficient in obsequiousness, +but are permitted to retort openly to those who address them with fitting +dignity. Here such a state of things is too general to excite remark, but as +instances are well called the flowers of the tree of assertion, this person +will set forth the manner in which he was contumaciously opposed by an +oblique-eyed outcast who attended within the stall of one selling wrought gold, +jewels, and merchandise of the finer sort. +</p> + +<p> +Being desirous of procuring a gift wherewith to propitiate a certain +maiden’s esteem, and seeing above a shop of varied attraction a suspended +sign emblematic of three times repeated gild abundance I drew near, not +doubting to find beneath so auspicious a token the fulfilment of an honourable +accommodation. Inside the window was displayed one of the implements by which +the various details of a garment are joined together upon turning a wheel, hung +about with an inscription setting forth that it was esteemed at the price of +two units of gold, nineteen pieces of silver, and eleven and three-quarters of +the brass cash of the land, and judging that no more suitable object could be +procured for the purpose, I entered the shop, and desired the attending slave +to submit it to my closer scrutiny. +</p> + +<p> +“Behold,” I exclaimed, when I had made a feint of setting the +device into motion (for it need not be concealed from you, O discreet one, that +I was really inadequate to the attempt, and, indeed, narrowly escaped impaling +myself upon its sudden and unexpected protrusions), “the highly-burnished +surface of your dexterously arranged window gave to this engine a rich +attractiveness which is altogether lacking at a closer examination. +Nevertheless, this person will not recede from a perhaps too impulsive offer of +one unit of gold, three pieces of silver, and four and a half brass +cash,” my object, of course, being that after the mutual recrimination of +disparagement and over-praise we should in the length of an hour or two reach a +becoming compromise in the middle distance. +</p> + +<p> +“Well,” responded the menial one, regarding me with an expression +in which he did not even attempt to subdue the baser emotions, “you HAVE +come a long way for nothing”; and he made a pretence of wishing to +replace the object. +</p> + +<p> +“Yet,” I continued, “observe with calm impartiality how +insidiously the rust has assailed the outer polish of the lacquer; perceive +here upon the beneath part of wood the ineffaceable depression of a +deeply-pointed blow; note well the—” +</p> + +<p> +“It was good enough for you to want me to muck up out of the window, +wasn’t it?” demanded the obstinate barbarian, becoming passionate +in his bearing rather than reluctantly, but with courteous grace, lessening the +price to a trifling degree, as we regard the proper way of carrying on the +enterprise. +</p> + +<p> +“It is well said,” I admitted, hoping that he might yet learn +wisdom from my attitude of unruffled urbanity, though I feared that his angle +of negotiating was unconquerably opposed to mine, “but now its many +imperfections are revealed. The inelegance of its outline, the grossness of the +applied colours, the unlucky combination of numbers engraved upon this plate, +the—” +</p> + +<p> +“Damme!” cried the utterly perverse rebel standing opposite, +“why don’t you keep on your Compound, you Yellow Peril? Who asked +you to come into my shop to blackguard the things? Come now, who did?” +</p> + +<p> +“Assuredly it is your place of commerce,” I replied cheerfully, +preparing to bring forward an argument, which in our country never fails to +shake the most stubborn, “yet bend your eyes to the fact that at no great +distance away there stands another and a more alluring stall of merchandise +where—” +</p> + +<p> +“Go to it then!” screamed the abandoned outcast, leaping over his +counter and shouting aloud in a frenzy of uncontrollable rage. “Clear +out, or I’ll bend my feet—” but concluding at this point that +some private calumny from which he was doubtless suffering was disturbing his +mind to so great an extent that there was little likelihood of our bringing the +transaction to a profitable end, I left the shop immediately but with befitting +dignity. +</p> + +<p> +With a fell-founded assurance that you will now be acquiring a really precise +and bird’s-eye-like insight into practically all phases of this country. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0010" id="link2H_4_0010"></a> +LETTER VIII</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning the wisdom of the sublime Wei Chung and its application to the +ordinary problems of existence. The meeting of three, hitherto unknown to each +other, about a wayside inn, and their various manners of conducting the +enterprise. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire,—You will doubtless remember the behaviour of the aged +philosopher Wei Chung, when commanded by the broad-minded emperor of his time +to reveal the hidden sources of his illimitable knowledge, so that all might +freely acquire, and the race thereby become raised to a position of +unparalleled excellence. Taking the well-disposed sovereign familiarly by the +arm, Wei Chung led him to the mouth of his cave in the forest, and, standing by +his side, bade him reflect with open eyes for a short space of time, and then +express aloud what he had seen. “Nothing of grave import,” declared +the emperor when the period was accomplished; “only the trees shaken by +the breeze.” “It is enough,” replied Wei Chung. “What, +to the adroitly-balanced mind, does such a sight reveal?” “That it +is certainly a windy day,” exclaimed the omnipotent triumphantly, for +although admittedly divine, he yet lacked the philosopher’s +discrimination. “On the contrary,” replied the sage coldly, +“that is the natural pronouncement of the rankly superficial. To the +highly-trained intellect it conveys the more subtle truth that the wind affects +the trees, and not the trees affect the wind. For upwards of seventy years this +one has daily stood at the door of his cave for a brief period, and regularly +garnering a single detail of like brilliance, has made it the well-spring for a +day’s reflection. As the result he now has by heart upwards of +twenty-five thousand useful facts, all serviceable for original proverbs, and +an encyclopaedic mind which would enable him to take a high place in a popular +competition unassisted by a single work of reference.” Much impressed by +the adventure the charitably-inclined emperor presented Wei Chung with an onyx +crown (which the philosopher at once threw into an adjacent well), and +returning to his capital published a decree that each day at sunrise every +person should stand at the door of his dwelling, and after observing for a +period, compare among themselves the details of their thoughts. By this means +he hoped to achieve his imperial purpose, but although the literal part of the +enactment is scrupulously maintained, especially by the slothful and +defamatory, who may be seen standing at their doors and conversing together +even to this day, from some unforeseen imperfection the intellectual capacity +of the race has remained exactly as it was before. +</p> + +<p> +Nevertheless it is not to be questioned that the system of the versatile Wei +Chung was, in itself, grounded upon a far-seeing accuracy, and as the need of +such a rational observation is deepened among the inconsistencies and fantastic +customs of a barbarian race, I have made it a useful habit to accept as a guide +for the day’s behaviour the reflections engendered by the first +noteworthy incident of the morning. +</p> + +<p> +Upon the day with which this letter concerns itself I had set forth, in +accordance with an ever-present desire, to explore some of the hidden places of +the city. At the time a tempest of great ferocity was raging, and bending my +head before it I had the distinction of coming into contact with a person of +ill-endowed exterior at an angle where two roads met. This amiable wayfarer +exchanged civilities with me after the politeness characteristic of the +labouring classes towards those who differ from them in speech, dress, or +colour: that is to say, he filled his pipe from my proffered store, and after +lighting it threw the match into my face, and passed on with an appropriate +remark. +</p> + +<p> +Doubtless this insignificant occurrence would have faded without internal +comment if the penetrating Wei Chung had never existed, but now, guided by his +sublime precedent, I arranged the incident for the day’s conduct under +three reflective heads. +</p> + +<p> +It was while I was meditating on the second of these that an exclamation caused +me to turn, when I observed a prosperously-outlined person in the act of +picking up a scrip which had the appearance of being lavishly distended with +pieces of gold. +</p> + +<p> +“If I had not seen you pass it, I should have opined that this hyer +wallet belonged to you,” remarked the justice-loving stranger (for the +incident had irresistibly retarded my own footsteps), speaking the language of +this land, but with an accent of penetrating harmony hitherto unknown to my +ears. With these auspicious words he turned over the object upon his hand +doubtfully. +</p> + +<p> +“So entrancing a possibility is, as you gracefully suggest, of +unavoidable denial,” I replied. “Nevertheless, this person will not +hesitate to join his acclamation with yours; for, as the Book of Verses wisely +says, ‘Even the blind, if truly polite, will extol the prospect from your +house-top.’” +</p> + +<p> +“That’s so,” admitted the one by my side. “But I +don’t know that there is any call for a special thanksgiving. As I happen +to have more money of my own than I can reasonably spend I shall drop this in +at a convenient police station. I dare say some poor critter is pining away for +it now.” +</p> + +<p> +Pleasantly impressed by the resolute benevolence of the one who had a greater +store of wealth than he could, by his own unaided efforts, dispose of, I +arranged myself unobtrusively at his side, and maintaining an exhibition of my +most polished and genial conversation, I sought to penetrate deeply into his +esteem. +</p> + +<p> +“Gaze in this direction, Kong,” he said at length, calling me by +name with auspicious familiarity; “I am a benighted stranger in this hyer +city, and so are you, I rek’n. Suppose we liquor up, and then take a few +of the side shows together.” +</p> + +<p> +“The suggestion is one against which I will erect no ill-disposed +barrier,” I at once replied, so inflexibly determined not to lose sight +of a person possessing such engaging attributes as to be cheerfully prepared +even to consume my rice spirit in the inverted position which his words implied +if the display was persisted in. “Nevertheless,” I added, with a +resourceful prudence, “although by no means undistinguished among the +highest literary and competitive circles of his native Yuen-ping, the one +before you is incapable of walking in the footsteps of a person whose +accumulations are greater than he himself can appreciably diminish.” +</p> + +<p> +“That’s all right, Kong,” exclaimed the one whom my last +words fittingly described, striking the recess of his lower garment with a +gesture of graceful significance. “When I take a fancy to any one it +isn’t a matter of dollars. I usually carry a trifle of five hundred or a +thousand pounds in my pocket-book, and if we can get through that—why, +there’s plenty more waiting at the bank. Say, though, I hope you +don’t keep much about you; it isn’t really safe.” +</p> + +<p> +“The temptation to do so is one which this person has hitherto +successfully evaded,” I replied. “The contents of this reptile-skin +case”—and not to be outshone in mutual confidence I here displayed +it openly—“do not exceed nine or ten pieces of gold and a like +number of printed obligations promising to pay five pieces each.” +</p> + +<p> +“Put it away, Kong,” he said resolutely. “You won’t +need that so long as you’re with me. Well, now, what sort of a saloon +have we here?” +</p> + +<p> +As far as the opinion might be superficially expressed it had every indication +of being one of noteworthy antiquity, and to the innately modest mind its +unassuming diffidence might have lent an added charm. Nevertheless, on most +occasions this person would have maintained an unshaken dexterity in avoiding +its open door, but as the choice admittedly lay in the hands of one who carried +five hundred or a thousand pieces of gold we went in together and passed +through to a compartment of retiring seclusion. +</p> + +<p> +In our own land, O my orthodox-minded father, where the unfailing resources of +innumerable bands of dragons, spirits, vampires, ghouls, shadows, omens, and +thunderstorms are daily enlisted to carry into effect the pronouncements of an +appointed destiny, we have many historical examples of the inexorably +converging legs of coincidence, but none, I think, more impressively arranged +than the one now descending this person’s brush. +</p> + +<p> +We had scarcely reposed ourselves, and taken from the hands of an awaiting +slave the vessels of thrice-potent liquid which in this Island is regarded as +the indispensable accompaniment to every movement of existence, when a third +person entered the room, and seating himself at a table some slightly removed +distance away, lowered his head and abandoned himself to a display of most +lavish dejection. +</p> + +<p> +“That poor cuss doesn’t appear to be holiday-making,” +remarked the sincerely-compassionate person at my side, after closely observing +the other for a period; and then, moved by the overpowering munificence of his +inward nature, he called aloud, “Say, stranger, you seem to have got it +thickly in the neck. Is it family affliction or the whisky of the +establishment?” +</p> + +<p> +At these affably-intentioned words the stranger raised his eyes quickly, with +an indication of not having up to that time been aware of our presence. +</p> + +<p> +“Sir,” he exclaimed, approaching to a spot where he could converse +with a more enhanced facility, “when I loosened the restraint of an +overpowering if unmanly grief, I imagined that I was alone, for I would have +shunned even the most flattering sympathy, but your charitably-modulated voice +invites confidence. The one before you is the most contemptible, left-handed, +and disqualified outcast in creation, and he is now making his way towards the +river, while his widow will be left to take in washing, his infant son to vend +evening printed leaves, and his graceful and hitherto highly secluded daughters +to go upon the stage.” +</p> + +<p> +“Say, stranger,” interposed this person, by no means unwilling to +engrave upon his memory this newly-acquired form of greeting, “the +emotion is doubtless all-pressing, but in my ornate and flower-laden tongue we +have a salutation, ‘Slowly, slowly; walk slowly,’ which seems to be +of far-seeing application.” +</p> + +<p> +“That’s so,” remarked the one by my side. “Separate it +with the teeth, inch by inch.” +</p> + +<p> +“I will be calm, then,” continued the other (who, to avoid the +complication of the intermingling circumstances, may be described as the more +stranger of the two), and he took of his neckcloth. “I am a merchant in +tea, yellow fat, and mixed spices, in a small but hitherto satisfactory +way.” Thus revealing himself, he continued to set forth how at an earlier +hour he had started on a journey to deposit his wealth (doubtless as a +propitiation of outraged deities) upon a certain bank, and how, upon reaching +the specified point, he discovered that what he carried had eluded his +vigilance. “All gone: notes, gold, and pocket-book—the savings of a +lifetime,” concluded the ill-omened one, and at the recollection a sudden +and even more highly-sustained frenzy of self-unpopularity involving him, +without a pause he addressed himself by seven and twenty insulting expressions, +many of which were quite new to my understanding. +</p> + +<p> +At the earliest mention of the details affecting the loss, the elbow of the +person who had made himself responsible for the financial obligation of the day +propelled itself against my middle part, and unseen by the other he indicated +to me by means of his features that the entertainment was becoming one of +agreeable prepossession. +</p> + +<p> +“Now, touching this hyer wallet,” he said presently. “How +might you describe it?” +</p> + +<p> +“In colour it was red, and within were two compartments, the one +containing three score notes each of ten pounds, the other fifty pounds of +gold. But what’s the use of describing it? Some lucky demon will pick it +up and pocket the lot, and I shall never see a cent of it again.” +</p> + +<p> +“Then you’d better consult one who reburnishes the eyes,” +declared the magnanimous one with a laugh, and drawing forth the article +referred to he cast it towards the merchant in a small way. +</p> + +<p> +At this point of the narrative my thoroughly incompetent brush confesses the +proportions of the requirement to be beyond its most extended limit, and many +very honourable details are necessarily left without expression. +</p> + +<p> +“I’ve known men of all sorts, good, bad, and bothwise,” +exclaimed the one who had recovered his possessions; “but I never thought +to meet a gent as would hand over six hundred and fifty pounds as if it was a +toothpick. Sir, it overbalances me; it does, indeed.” +</p> + +<p> +“Say no more about it,” urged the first person, and to suggest +gracefully that the incident had reached its furthest extremity, he began to +set out the melody of an unspoken verse. +</p> + +<p> +“I will say no more, then,” he replied; “but you cannot +reasonably prevent my doing something to express my gratitude. If you are not +too proud you will come and partake of food and wine with me beneath the sign +of the Funereal Male Cow, and to show my confidence in you I shall insist upon +you carrying my pocket-book.” +</p> + +<p> +The person whom I had first encountered suffered his face to become excessively +amused. “Say, stranger, do you take me for a pack-mule?” he replied +good-naturedly. “I already have about as much as I want to handle. Never +mind; we’ll come along with you, and Mr. Kong shall carry your +bullion.” +</p> + +<p> +At this delicate and high-minded proposal a rapid change, in no way +complimentary to my explicit habit of adequately conducting any venture upon +which I may be engaged, came over the face of the second person. +</p> + +<p> +“Sir,” he exclaimed, “I have nothing to say against this +gentleman, but I am under no obligation to him, and I don’t see why I +should trust him with everything I possess.” +</p> + +<p> +“Stranger,” exclaimed the other rising to his feet (and from this +point it must be understood that the various details succeeded one another with +a really agile dexterity), “let me tell you that Mr. Kong is my friend, +and that ought to be enough.” +</p> + +<p> +“It is. If you say this gentleman is your friend, and that you have known +him long and intimately enough to be able to answer for him, that’s good +enough for me.” +</p> + +<p> +“Well,” admitted the first person, and I could not conceal from +myself that his tone was inauspiciously reluctant, “I can’t exactly +say that I’ve known him long; in fact I only met him half an hour ago. +But I have the fullest confidence in his integrity.” +</p> + +<p> +“It’s just as I expected. Well, sir, you’re good-natured +enough for anything, but if you’ll excuse me, I must say that +you’re a small piece of an earthenware vessel after all”—the +veiled allusion doubtlessly being that the vessel of necessity being broken, +the contents inevitably escape—“and I hope you’re not being +had.” +</p> + +<p> +“I’m not, and I’ll prove it before we go out together,” +retorted the engaging one, who had in the meantime become so actively impetuous +on my account, that he did not remain content with the spoken words, but threw +the various belongings about as he mentioned them in a really profuse display +of inimitable vehemence. “Here, Kong, take this hyer pocket-book whatever +he says. Now on the top of that take everything I’ve got, and you know +what THAT figures up to. Now give this gentleman your little lot to keep him +quiet; I don’t ask for anything. Now, stranger, I’m ready. You and +I will take a stroll round the block and back again, and if Mr. Kong +isn’t waiting here for us when we return with everything intact and O.K., +I’ll double your deposit and never trust a durned soul again.” +</p> + +<p> +Nodding genially over his shoulder with a harmonious understanding, expressive +of the fact that we were embarking upon an undeniably diverting episode, the +benevolent-souled person who had accumulated more riches than he was competent +to melt away himself, passed out, urging the doubtful and still protesting one +before him. +</p> + +<p> +Thus abandoned to my own reflections, I pondered for a short time profitably on +the third head of the day’s meditation (Touching the match and this +person’s unattractively-lined face. The revealed truth: the inexperienced +sheep cannot pass through the hedge without leaving portions of his wool), and +then finding the philosophy of Wei Chung very good, I determined to remove the +superfluous apprehensions of the vender of food-stuffs with less delay by +setting out and meeting them on their return. +</p> + +<p> +A few paces distant from the door, one of the ever-present watchers of the +street was standing, watching the street with unremitting vigilance, while from +the well-guarded expression of his face it might nevertheless be gathered that +he stood as though in expectation. +</p> + +<p> +“Prosperity,” I said, with seasonable greeting. (For no excess of +consideration is too great to be lavished upon these, who unite within +themselves the courage of a high warrior, the expertness of a three-handed +magician, and the courtesy of a genial mandarin.) “I seek two, apparelled +thus and thus. Did you, by any chance, mark the direction of their +footsteps?” +</p> + +<p> +“Oh,” he said, regarding this person with a most flattering +application, “YOU seek them, do you? Well, they’ve just gone off in +a hansom, and they’ll want a lot of seeking for the next week or two. You +let them carry your purse, perhaps?” +</p> + +<p> +“Assuredly,” I replied. “As a mark of confidence; this +person, for his part, receiving a like token at their hands.” +</p> + +<p> +“That’s it,” said the official watcher, conveying into his +voice a subtle indication that he had become excessively fatigued. +“It’s like a nursery tale—never too old to take with the +kids. Well, come along, poor lamb, the station isn’t far.” +</p> + +<p> +So great had become the reliance which by this time I habitually reposed in +these men, that I never sought to oppose their pronouncements (such a course +being not only useless but undignified), and we therefore together reached the +place which the one by my side had described as a station. +</p> + +<p> +From the outside the building was in no way imposing, but upon reaching an +inner dungeon it at once became plain that no matter with what crime a person +might be charged, even the most stubborn resistance would be unavailing. Before +a fiercely-burning fire were arranged metal pincers, massive skewers, +ornamental branding irons, and the usual accessories of the grill, one tool +being already thrust into the heart of the flame to indicate the nature of its +use, and its immediate readiness for the purpose. Pegs from which the accused +could be hung by the thumbs with weights attached to the feet, covered an +entire wall; chains, shackling-irons, fetters, steel rings for compressing the +throat, and belts for tightening the chest, all had their appointed places, +while the Chair, the Boot, the Heavy Hat, and many other appliances quite +unknown to our system of administering justice were scattered about. +</p> + +<p> +Without pausing to select any of these, the one who led me approached a raised +desk at which was seated a less warlike official, whose sympathetic appearance +inspired confidence. “Kong Ho,” exclaimed to himself the person who +is inscribing these words, “here is an individual into whose +discriminating ear it would be well to pour the exact happening without +evasion. Then even if the accusation against you be that of resembling another +or trafficking with unlawful Forces, he will doubtless arrange the matter so +that the expiation shall be as light and inexpensive as possible.” +</p> + +<p> +By this time certain other officials had drawn near. “What is it?” +I heard one demand, and another replied, “Brooklyn Ben and Jimmie the +Butterman again. Ah, they aren’t artful, are they!” but at this +moment the two into whose power I had chiefly fallen having conversed together, +I was commanded to advance towards them and reveal my name. +</p> + +<p> +“Kong,” I replied freely; and I had formed a design to explain +somewhat of the many illustrious ancestors of the House, when the one at the +desk, pausing to inscribe my answer in a book, spoke out. +</p> + +<p> +“Kong?” he said. “Is that the christian or surname?” +</p> + +<p> +“Sir-name?” replied this person between two thoughts. +“Undoubtedly the one before you is entitled by public examination to the +degree ‘Recognised Talent,’ which may, as a meritorious +distinction, be held equal to your title of a warrior clad in armour. Yet, if +it is so held, that would rightly be this person’s official name of +Paik.” +</p> + +<p> +“Oh, it would, would it?” said the one seated upon the high chair. +“That’s quite clear. Are there any other names as well?” +</p> + +<p> +“Assuredly,” I explained, pained inwardly that one of official rank +should so slightly esteem my appearance as to judge that I was so meagrely +endowed. “The milk name of Ho; Tsin upon entering the Classes; as a Great +Name Cheng; another style in Quank; the official title already expressed, and +T’chun, Li, Yuen and Nung as the various emergencies of life +arise.” +</p> + +<p> +“Thank you,” said the high-chair official courteously. “Now, +just the name in full, please, without any velvet trimmings.” +</p> + +<p> +“Kong,” began this person, desirous above all things of putting the +matter competently, yet secretly perturbed as to what might be considered +superfluous and what deemed a perfidious suppression, “Ho Tsin Cheng +Quank—” +</p> + +<p> +“Hold hard,” cried this same one, restraining me with an uplifted +pen. “Did you say ‘Quack’?” +</p> + +<p> +“Quack?” repeated this person, beginning to become involved within +himself, and not grasping the detail in the right position. “In a manner +of setting the expression forth—” +</p> + +<p> +“Put him down, ‘Quack Duck,’ sir,” exclaimed one of +dog-like dejection who stood by. “Most of these Lascars haven’t got +any real names—they just go by what any one happens to call them at the +time, like ‘Burmese Ike’ down at the Mint,” and this person +unfortunately chancing to smile and bow acquiescently at that moment (not with +any set intention, but as a general principle of courteous urbanity), in place +of his really distinguished titles he will henceforth appear among the +historical records of this dynasty under what he cannot disguise from his inner +misgivings to be the low-caste appellation of Quack Duck. +</p> + +<p> +“Now the address, please,” continued the high one, again preparing +to inscribe the word, and being determined that by no mischance should this +particular be offensively reported, I unhesitatingly replied, “Beneath +the Sign of the Lead Tortoise, on the northern course from the Lotus Pools +outside the walls of Yuen-ping.” +</p> + +<p> +This answer the one with the book did not immediately record. “I +don’t say it isn’t all right when you know the parts,” he +remarked broad-mindedly, “but it does sound a trifle irregular. +Can’t you give it a number and a street?” +</p> + +<p> +“I fancy it must be a pub, sir,” observed another. “He said +that it had a sign—the Red Tortoise.” +</p> + +<p> +“Well, haven’t you got a London address?” said the high one, +and this person being able to supply a street and a number as desired, this +part of the undertaking was disposed of, to his cordial satisfaction. +</p> + +<p> +“Now let me see the articles which these men left with you,” +commanded the chieftain of the band, and without any misleading discrepancies I +at once drew forth from an inner sleeve the two scrips, of which adequate +mention has already been made, another hitherto undescribed, two instruments +for measuring the passing hours of the day, together with a chain of fine gold +ingeniously wrought into the semblance of a cable, an ornament for the breast, +set about with a jewel, two neck-cloths of a kind usually carried in the +pocket, a book for recording happenings of any moment, pieces of money to the +value of about eleven taels, a silver flagon, a sheathed weapon and a few +lesser objects of insignificant value. These various details I laid +obsequiously before the one who had commanded it, while the others stood around +either in explicit silence or speaking softly beneath their breath. +</p> + +<p> +“Do I understand that the two persons left all these things with you, +while they took your purse in exchange?” said the high official, after +examining certain obscure signs upon the metals, the contents of the third +scrip, and the like. +</p> + +<p> +“It cannot reasonably be denied,” I replied; “inasmuch as +they departed without them.” +</p> + +<p> +“Spontaneously?” he demanded, and in spite of the unevadible +severity of his voice the expression of his nearer eye deviated somewhat. +</p> + +<p> +“The spoken and conclusive word of the first was that it was his +intention to commit to this one’s keeping everything which he had; the +assertion of the second being that with this scrip I received all that he +possessed.” +</p> + +<p> +“While of yours, what did they get, Mr. Quack?” and the tone of the +one who spoke had a much more gratifying modulation than before, while the +attitudes of those who stood around had favourably changed, until they now +conveyed a message of deliberate esteem. +</p> + +<p> +“A serpent-skin case of two enclosures,” I replied. “On the +one side was a handcount of the small copper-pieces of this Island, which I had +caused to be burnished and gilt for the purpose of taking back to amuse those +of Yuen-ping. On the other side were two or three pages from a gravity-removing +printed leaf entitled ‘Bits of Tits,’ with which this person weekly +instructs himself in the simpler rudiments of the language. For the rest the +case was controlled by a hidden spring, and inscribed about with a charm +against loss, consumption by fire, or being secretly acquired by the +unworthy.” +</p> + +<p> +“I don’t think you stand in much need of that charm, Mr. +Quack,” remarked another of more than ordinary rank, who was also +present. “Then they really got practically no money from you?” +</p> + +<p> +“By no means,” I admitted. “It was never literally +stipulated, and whatever of wealth he possesses this person carries in a +concealed spot beneath his waistbelt.” (For even to these, virtuous sire, +I did not deem it expedient to reveal the fact that in reality it is hidden +within the sole of my left sandal.) +</p> + +<p> +“I congratulate you,” he said with lavish refinement. “Ben +and the Butterman can be very bland and persuasive. Could you tell me, as a +matter of professional curiosity, what first put you on your guard?” +</p> + +<p> +“In this person’s country,” I replied, “there is an apt +saying, ‘The sagacious bird does not build his nest twice in the empty +soup-toureen,’ and by observing closely what has gone before one may +accurately conjecture much that will follow after.” It may be, that out +of my insufferable shortcomings of style and expression, this answer did not +convey to his mind the logical sequence of the warning; yet it would have been +more difficult to show him how everything arose from the faultlessly-balanced +system of the heroic Wei Chung, or the exact parallel lying between the +ill-clad outcast who demanded a portion of tobacco and the cheerfully +unassuming stranger who had in his possession a larger accumulation of money +than he could conveniently disperse. +</p> + +<p> +In such a manner I took leave of the station and those connected with it, after +directing that the share of the spoil which fell by the law of this Island to +my lot should be sold and the money of exchange faithfully divided among the +virtuous and necessitous of both sexes. The higher officials each waved me +pleasantly by the hand, according to the striking and picturesque custom of the +land, while the lesser ones stood around and spoke flattering words as I +departed, as “honourable,” “a small piece of +all-right,” “astute ancient male fowl,” “ah!” and +the like. +</p> + +<p> +With repeated assurances that however ineptly the adventure may at the time +appear to be tending, as regards the essentials of true dignity and an +undeviating grasp upon articles of negotiable value, nothing of a regrettable +incident need be feared. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011"></a> +LETTER IX</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning the proverb of the highly-accomplished horse. The various perils to +be encountered in the Beneath Parts. The inexplicable journey performed by this +one, and concerning the obscurity of the witchcraft employed. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire,—Among these islanders there is a proverb, “Do not +place the carte” (or card, the two words having an identical purport, and +both signifying the inscribed tablet of viands prepared for a banquet,) +“before the horse.” Doubtless the saying first arose as a timely +rebuke to a certain barbarian emperor who announced his contempt for the +intelligence of his subjects by conferring high mandarin rank upon a favourite +steed and ceremoniously appointing it to be his chancellor; but from the +narrower moral that an unreasoning animal is out of place, and even unseemly, +in the entertaining hall or council chamber, the expression has in the course +of time taken a wider application and is now freely used as an insidious thrust +at one who may be suspected of contrariness of character, of confusing issues, +or of acting in a vain or illogical manner. I had already preserved the saying +among other instances of foreign thought and expression which I am collecting +for your dignified amusement, as it is very characteristic of the wisdom and +humour of these Outer Lands. The imagination is essentially barbaric. A +horse—doubtless well-groomed, richly-caparisoned, and as intellectual as +the circumstances will permit, but inevitably an animal of degraded attributes +and untraceable ancestry—a horse reclining before a lavishly set-out +table and considering well of what dish it shall next partake! Could anything, +it appears, be more diverting! Truly to our more refined outlook the analogy is +lacking both in delicacy of wit and in exactitude of balance, but to the +grosser barbarian conception of what is gravity-removing it is irresistible. +</p> + +<p> +I am, however, reminded of the saying by perceiving that I was on the point of +recording certain details of recent occurrence without first unrolling to your +mind the incidents from which it has arisen that the person who is now +communicating with you is no longer reposing in the Capital, but spending a +period profitably in observing the habits of those who dwell in the more +secluded recesses on the outskirts of the Island. This reversal of the proper +sequence of affairs would doubtless strike those around as an instance of +setting the banquet before the horse. Without delay, then, to pursue the +allusion to its appropriate end, I will return, as it may be said, to my +nosebag. +</p> + +<p> +At various points about the streets of the Capital there are certain caverns +artificially let into the bowels of the earth, to which any person may betake +himself upon purchasing a printed sign which he must display to the guardian of +the gate. Once within the underneathmost parts he is free to be carried from +place to place by means of the trains of carriages which I have already +described to you, until he would return to the outer surface, when he must +again display his talisman before he is permitted to pass forth. Nor is this an +empty form, for upon an occasion this person himself witnessed a very bitter +contention between a keeper of the barrier and one whose token had through some +cause lost its potency. +</p> + +<p> +In the company of the experienced I had previously gone through the trial +without mischance, so that recently when I expressed a wish to visit a certain +Palace, and was informed that the most convenient manner would be to descend +into the nearest cavern, I had no reasonable device for avoiding the encounter. +Nevertheless, enlightened sire, I will not attempt to conceal from your +omniscience that I was by no means impetuous towards the adventure. Owing to +the pugnacious and unworthy suspicions of those who direct their destinies, I +have not yet been able to penetrate the exact connection between the movements +of these hot-smoke chariots and the Unseen Forces. To a person whose chief +object in life is to avoid giving offence to any of the innumerable demons +which are ever on the watch to revenge themselves upon our slightest +indiscretion, this uncertainty opens an unending vista of intolerable +possibilities. As if to emphasise the perils of this overhanging doubt the +surroundings are ingeniously arranged so as to represent as nearly as +practicable the terrors of the Beneath World. Both by day and night a funereal +gloom envelops the caverns, the pathways and resting-places are meagre and so +constructed as to be devoid of attraction or repose, and by a skilful +contrivance the natural atmosphere is secretly withdrawn and a very acrimonious +sulphurous haze driven in to replace it. In sudden and unforeseen places eyes +of fire open and close with disconcerting rapidity, and even change colour in +vindictive significance; wooden hands are outstretched as in unrelenting +rigidity against supplication, or, divining the unexpressed thoughts, +inexorably point, as one gazes, still deeper into the recesses of the earth; +while the air is never free from the sounds of groans, shrieks, the rattling of +chains, dull, hopeless noises beneath one’s feet or overhead, and the +hoarse wordless cries of despair with which the attending slaves of the caverns +greet the distant clamour of every approaching fire-chariot. Admittedly the +intention of the device is benevolently conceived, and it is strenuously +asserted that many persons of corrupt habits and ill-balanced lives, upon +waking unexpectedly while passing through these Beneath Parts, have abandoned +the remainder of their journey, and, escaping hastily to the outer air, have +from that time onwards led a pure and consistent existence; but, on the other +foot, those who are compelled to use the caverns daily, freely confess that the +surroundings do not in any material degree purify their lives or tranquillise +the nature of their inner thoughts. +</p> + +<p> +In this emergency I did not neglect to write out a diversity of charms against +every possible variety of evil influence, and concealing them lavishly about my +head and body, I presented myself with the outer confidence of a person who is +inured to the exploit. Doubtless thereby being mistaken for one of themselves +in the obscurity, I received the inscribed safeguard without opposition, and +even an added sum in copper pieces, which I discreetly returned to the one +behind the shutter, with the request that he would honourably burn a few joss +sticks or sacrifice to a trivial amount, to the success of my journey. In such +a manner I reached an awaiting train, and, taking up within it a position of +retiring modesty, I definitely committed myself to the undertaking. +</p> + +<p> +At the next tarrying place there entered a barbarian of high-class appearance, +and being by this time less assured of my competence in the matter unaided, +both on account of the multiplicity of evil omens on every side, and the +perverse impulses of the guiding demon, whereby at sudden angles certain of my +organs had the emotion of being left irrevocably behind and others of being +snatched relentlessly forward, I approached him courteously. +</p> + +<p> +“Behold,” I said, “many thousand li of water, both fresh and +bitter, flow between the one who is addressing you and his native town of +Yuen-ping, where the tablets at the street corners are as familiar to him as +the lines of his own unshapely hands; for, as it is truly said, ‘Does the +starling know the lotus roots, or the pomfret read its way by the signs among +the upper branches of the pines?’ Out of the necessities of his ignorance +and your own overwhelming condescension enlighten him, therefore, whether the +destination of this fire-chariot by any chance corresponds with the inscribed +name upon his talisman?” +</p> + +<p> +Thus adjured, the stranger benevolently turned himself to the detail, and upon +consulting a book of symbols he expressed himself to this wise: that after a +sufficient interval I should come into a certain station, called in part after +the title of the enlightened ruler of this Island, and there abandoning the +train which was carrying us, I should enter another which would bring me out of +the Beneath Parts and presently into the midst of that Palace which I sought. +This advice seemed good, for a reasonable connection might be supposed to exist +between a station so auspiciously called and a Palace bearing the harmonious +name of the gracious and universally-revered sovereign-consort. Accordingly I +thanked him ceremoniously, not only on my own part, but also on behalf of +eleven generations of immediate ancestors, and in the name of seven generations +who should come after, and he on his side agreeably replied that he was sure +his grandmother would have done as much for mine, and he sincerely hoped that +none of his great-great-grandchildren would prove less obliging. In this +intellectual manner, varied with the entertainment of profuse bows, the time +passed cordially between us until the barbarian reached his own alighting +stage, when he again repeated the various details of the strategy for my +observance. +</p> + +<p> +At this point let it be set forth deliberately that there existed no treachery +in the advice, still less that this person is incapable of competently +achieving the destined end of any hazard upon which he may embark when once the +guiding signs have been made clear to his understanding. Whatever entanglement +arose was due merely to the conflicting manners of expression used by two +widely-varying races, even as our own proverb says, “What is only sauce +for the cod is serious for the oyster.” +</p> + +<p> +At the station indicated as bearing the sign of the ruler of the country (which +even a person of little discernment could have recognised by the +highly-illuminated representation bearing the elusively-worded inscription, +“In packets only”), I left this fire-chariot, and at once +perceiving another in an attitude of departure, I entered it, as the casual +barbarian had definitely instructed, and began to assure myself that I had +already become expertly proficient in the art of journeying among these Beneath +Regions and to foresee the time, not far distant, when others would confidently +address themselves to me in their extremities. So entrancing did this +contemplation grow, that this outrageous person began to compose the actual +words with which he would instruct them as the occasion arose, as thus, +“Undoubtedly, O virtuous and not unattractive maiden, this fire-engine +will ultimately lead your refined footsteps into the street called Those who +Bake Food. Do not hesitate, therefore, to occupy the vacant place by this +insignificant one’s side”; or, “By no means, honourable sir; +the Cross of Charing is in the precisely opposite direction to that selected by +this self-opinionated machine for its inopportune destination. Do not rebuke +this person for his immoderate loss of mental gravity, for your mistake, though +pardonable in a stranger, is really excessively diverting. Your most prudent +course now will assuredly be to cast yourself from the carriage without delay +and rely upon the benevolent intervention of a fire-chariot proceeding +backwards.” +</p> + +<p> +Alas, it is truly said, “None but sword-swallowers should endeavour to +swallow swords,” thereby signifying the vast chasm that lies between +those who are really adroit in an undertaking and those who only think that +they may easily become so. Presently it began to become deeply impressed upon +my discrimination that the journey was taking a more lengthy duration than I +had been given to understand would be the case, while at the same time a +permanent deliverance from the terrors of the Beneath Parts seemed to be +insidiously lengthening out into a funereal unattainableness. The point of this +person’s destination, he had been assured on all hands, was a spot beyond +which even the most aggressively assertive engine could not proceed, so that he +had no fears of being incapably drawn into more remote places, yet when hour +after hour passed and the ill-destined machine never failed in its malicious +endeavours to leave each successive tarrying station, it is not to be denied +that my imagination dwelt regretfully upon the true civilisation of our own +enlightened country, where, by the considerate intervention of an all-wise +government, the possibilities of so distressing an experience are +sympathetically removed from one’s path. Thus the greater part of the day +had faded, and I was conjecturing that by this time we must inevitably be +approaching the barren and inhospitable country which forms the northern limit +of the Island, when the door suddenly opened and the barbarian stranger whom I +had left many hundred li behind entered the carriage. +</p> + +<p> +At this manifestation all uncertainty departed, and I now understood that to +some obscure end witchcraft of a very powerful and high-caste kind was being +employed around me; for in no other way was it credible to one’s +intelligence that a person could propel himself through the air with a speed +greater than that of one of these fire-chariots, and overtake it. Doubtless it +was a part of this same scheme which made it seem expedient to the stranger +that he should feign a part, for he at once greeted me as though the occasion +were a matter of everyday happening, exclaiming genially— +</p> + +<p> +“Well, Mr. Kong, returning? And what do you think of the Palace?” +</p> + +<p> +“It is fitly observed, ‘To the earthworm the rice stalk is as high +as the pagoda,’” I replied with adroit evasion, clearly +understanding from his manner that for some reason, not yet revealed to me, a +course of dissimulation was expedient in order to mislead the surrounding +demons concerning my movements, and by a subtle indication of the face +conveying to the stranger an assurance that I had tactfully grasped the +requirement, and would endeavour to walk well upon his heels, “and +therefore it would be unseemly for a person of my insignificant attainments to +engage in the doubtful flattery of comparing it with the many other residences +of the pure and exalted which embellish your Capital.” +</p> + +<p> +“Oh,” said the one whom I may now suitably describe by the name of +Sir Philip, “that’s rather a useful proverb sometimes. Many people +there?” +</p> + +<p> +At this inquiry I could not disguise from myself an emotion that the person +seated opposite was not diplomatically inspired in so persistently clinging to +the one subject upon which he must assuredly know that I experienced an +all-pervading deficiency. Nevertheless, being by this more fully convinced that +the disguise was one of critical necessity, and not deeming that the essential +ceremonies of one Palace would differ from those of another, no matter in what +land they stood (while through all I read a clear design on Sir Philip’s +part that the opportunity was craftily arranged so that I might impress upon +any vindictively-intentioned spirits within hearing an assumption of high +protection), I replied that the gathering had been one of unparalleled +splendour, both by reason of the multitude of exalted nobles present and also +owing to the jewelled magnificence lavished on every detail. Furthermore, I +continued, now definitely abandoning all the promptings of a wise reserve, and +reflecting, as we say, that one may as well be drowned in the ocean as in a +wooden bucket, not only did the sublime and unapproachable sovereign graciously +permit me to kow-tow respectfully before him, but subsequently calling me to +his side beneath a canopy of golden radiance, he conversed genially with me and +benevolently assured me of his sympathetic favour on all occasions (this, I +conjectured, would certainly overawe any Evil Force not among the very highest +circles), while the no less magnanimous Prince of the Imperial Line questioned +me with flattering assiduousness concerning a method of communicating with +persons at a distance by means of blows or stamps upon a post (as far as the +outer meaning conveyed itself to me), the houses which we build, and whether +they contained an adequate provision of enclosed spaces in the walls. +</p> + +<p> +Doubtless I could have continued in this praiseworthy spirit of delicate +cordiality to an indefinite amount had I not chanced to observe at this point +that the expression of Sir Philip’s urbanity had become entangled in a +variety of other emotions, not all propitious to the scheme, so that in order +to retire imperceptibly within myself I smiled broad-mindedly, remarking that +it was well said that the moon was only bright while the sun was hid, and that +I had lately been dazzled with the sight of so much brilliance and virtuous +condescension that there were occasions when I questioned inwardly how much I +had really witnessed, and how much had been conveyed to me in the nature of an +introspective vision. +</p> + +<p> +It will already have been made plain to you, O my courtly-mannered father, that +these barbarians are totally deficient in the polite art whereby two persons +may carry on a flattering and highly-attuned conversation, mutually +advantageous to the esteem of each, without it being necessary in any way that +their statements should have more than an ornamental actuality. So wanting in +this, the most concentrated form of truly well-bred entertainment, are even +their high officials, that after a few more remarks, to which I made answer in +a spirit of skilfully-sustained elusiveness, the utterly obtuse Sir Philip said +at length, “Excuse my asking, Mr. Kong, but have you really been to the +Alexandra Palace at all?” +</p> + +<p> +Admittedly there are few occasions in life on which it is not possible to fail +to see the inopportune or low-class by a dignified impassiveness of features, +an adroitly-directed jest, or a remark of baffling inconsequence, but in the +face of so distressingly straightforward a demand what can be advanced by a +person of susceptible refinement when opposed to one of incomparably larger +dimensions, imprisoned by his side in the recess of a fire-chariot which is +leaping forward with uncurbed velocity, and surrounded by demons with whose +habits and partialities he is unfamiliar? +</p> + +<p> +“In a manner of expressing the circumstance,” I replied, “it +is not to be denied that this person’s actual footsteps may have +imperceptibly been drawn somewhat aside from the path of his former design. Yet +inasmuch as it is truly said that the body is in all things subservient to the +mind, and is led withersoever it is willed, and as your engaging directions +were scrupulously observed with undeviating fidelity, it would be impertinently +self-opinionated on this person’s part to imply that they failed to guide +him to his destination. Thus, for all ceremonial purposes, it is permissible +conscientiously to assume that he HAS been there.” +</p> + +<p> +“I am afraid that I must not have been sufficiently clear,” said +Sir Philip. “Did you miss the train at King’s Cross?” +</p> + +<p> +“By no means,” I replied firmly, pained inwardly that he should +cast the shadow of such narrow incompetence upon me. “Seeing this machine +on the point of setting forth on a journey, even as your overwhelming sagacity +had enabled you to predict would be the case, I embarked with self-reliant +confidence.” +</p> + +<p> +“Good lord!” murmured the person opposite, beginning to manifest an +excess of emotion for which I was quite unable to account. “Then you have +been in this train—your actual footsteps I mean, Mr. Kong; not your +ceremonial abstract subliminal ego—ever since?” +</p> + +<p> +To this I replied that his words shone like the moon at midnight with +scintillating points of truth; adding, however, as the courtesies of the +occasion required, that I had been so impressed with the many-sided brilliance +of his conversation earlier in the day as to render the flight of time +practically unnoticed by me. +</p> + +<p> +“But did it never occur to you to ask at one of the stations?” he +demanded, still continuing to wave his hands incapably from side to side. +“Any of the porters would have told you.” +</p> + +<p> +“Kong Li Heng, the founder of our line, who was really great, has been +dead eleven centuries, and no single fact or incident connected with his life +has been preserved to influence mankind,” I replied. “How much less +will it matter, then, even in so limited a space of time as a hundred years, in +what fashion so insignificant a person as the one before you acted on any +occasion, and why, therefore, should he distress himself unnecessarily to any +precise end?” In this manner I sought to place before him the dignified +example of an imperturbability which can be maintained in every emergency, and +at the same time to administer a plain yet scrupulously-sheathed rebuke; for +the inauspicious manner in which he had first drawn me on to speak confidently +of the ceremonies of the Royal Palace and then held up my inadequacy to +undeserved contempt had not rejoiced my imagination, and I was still uncertain +how much to claim, and whether, perchance, even yet a more subtle craft lay +under all. +</p> + +<p> +“Well, in any case, when you go back you can claim the distinction of +having been taken seven times round London, although you can’t really +have seen much of it,” said Sir Philip. “This is a Circle +train.” +</p> + +<p> +At this assertion I looked up. Though admittedly curved a little about the roof +the chariot was in every essential degree what we should pronounce to be a +square one; whereupon, feeling at length that the involvement had definitely +passed to a point beyond my contemptible discernment, I spread out my hands +acquiescently and affably remarked that the days were lengthening out +pleasantly. +</p> + +<p> +In such a manner I became acquainted with the one Sir Philip, and thereby, in a +somewhat circuitous line, the original purpose which possessed my brush when I +began this inept and commonplace letter is reached; for the person in question +not only lay upon himself the obligation of leading me “by the strings of +his apron-garment”—in the characteristic and fanciful turn of the +barbarian language—to that same Palace on the following day, but +thenceforth gracefully affecting to discern certain agreeable virtues in my +conversation and custom of habit he frequently sought me out. More recently, on +the double plea that they of his household had a desire to meet me, and that if +I spent all my time within the Capital my impressions of the Island would +necessarily be ill-balanced and deformed, he advanced a project that I should +accompany him to a spot where, as far as I was competent to grasp the idiom, he +was in the habit of sitting (doubtless in an abstruse reverie), in the country; +and having assured myself by means of discreet innuendo that the seat referred +to would be adequate for this person also, and that the occasion did not in any +way involve a payment of money, I at once expressed my willingness towards the +adventure. +</p> + +<p> +With numerous expressions of unfeigned regret (from a filial point of view) +that the voice of one of the maidens of the household, lifted in the nature of +a defiance against this one to engage with her in a two-handed conflict of hong +pong, obliges him to bring this immature composition to a hasty close. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0012" id="link2H_4_0012"></a> +LETTER X</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning the authority of this high official, Sir Philip. The +side-slipperyness of barbarian etiquette. The hurl- headlong sportiveness and +that achieving its end by means of curved mallets. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire,—If this person’s memory is accurately poised on the +detail, he was compelled to abandon his former letter (when on the point of +describing the customs of these outer places), in order to take part in a +philosophical discussion with some of the venerable sages of the neighbourhood. +</p> + +<p> +Resuming the narration where it had reached this remote province of the Empire, +it is a suitable opportunity to explain that this same Sir Philip is here +greeted on every side with marks of deferential submission, and is undoubtedly +an official of high button, for whenever the inclination seizes him he causes +prisoners to be sought out, and then proceeds to administer justice impartially +upon them. In the case of the wealthy and those who have face to lose, the +matter is generally arranged, to his profit and to the satisfaction of all, by +the payment of an adequate sum of money, after the invariable custom of our own +mandarincy. When this incentive to leniency is absent it is usual to condemn +the captive to imprisonment in a cell (it is denied officially, but there is no +reason to doubt that a large earthenware vessel is occasionally used for this +purpose,) for varying periods, though it is notorious that in the case of the +very necessitous they are sometimes set freely at liberty, and those who took +them publicly reprimanded for accusing persons from whose condition no possible +profit could arise. This confinement is seldom inflicted for a longer period +than seven, fourteen, or twenty-one days (these being lucky numbers,) except in +the case of those who have been held guilty of ensnaring certain birds and +beasts which appear to be regarded as sacred, for they have their duly +appointed attendants who wear a garb and are trained in the dexterous use of +arms, lurking with loaded weapons in secret places to catch the unwary, both by +night and day. Upheld by the high nature of their office these persons shrink +from no encounter and even suffer themselves to be killed with resolute +unconcern; but when successful they are not denied an efficient triumph, for it +is admitted that those whom they capture are marked men from that time +(doubtless being branded upon the body with the name of their captor), and no +future defence is availing. The third punishment, that of torture, is reserved +for a class of solitary mendicants who travel from place to place, doubtless +spreading the germs of an inflammatory doctrine of rebellion, for, owing to my +own degraded obtuseness, the actual nature of their crimes could never be made +clear to me. Of the tortures employed that known in their language as the +“bath” (for which we have no real equivalent,) is the most dreaded, +and this person has himself beheld men of gigantic proportions, whose bodies +bore the stain of a voluntary endurance to every privation, abandon themselves +to a most ignoble despair upon hearing the ill-destined word. Unquestionably +the infliction is closely connected with our own ordeal of boiling water, but +from other indications it is only reasonable to admit that there is an added +ingredient, of which we probably have no knowledge, whereby the effect is +enhanced in every degree, and the outer surface of the victim rendered more +vulnerable. There is also another and milder form of torture, known as the +“task”, consisting either of sharp-edged stones being broken upon +the body, or else the body broken upon sharp-edged stones, but precisely which +is the official etiquette of the case this person’s insatiable passion +for accuracy and his short-sighted limitations among the more technical +outlines of the language, prevent him from stating definitely. +</p> + +<p> +Let it here be openly confessed that the intricately-arranged titles used among +these islanders, and the widely-varying dignities which they convey, have never +ceased to embarrass my greetings on all occasions, and even yet, when a more +crystal insight into their strangely illogical manners enables me not only to +understand them clearly myself, but also to expound their significance to +others, a necessary reticence is blended with my most profuse cordiality, and +my salutations to one whom I am for the first time encountering are now so +irreproachably balanced, that I can imperceptibly develop them into an engaging +effusion, or, without actual offence, draw back into a condition of +unapproachable exclusiveness as the necessity may arise. With us, O my +immaculate sire, a yellow silk umbrella has for three thousand years denoted a +fixed and recognisable title. A mandarin of the sixth degree need not hesitate +to mingle on terms of assured equality with other mandarins of the sixth +degree, and without any guide beyond a seemly instinct he perceives the +reasonableness of assuming a deferential obsequiousness before a mandarin of +the fifth rank, and a counterbalancing arrogance when in the society of an +official who has only risen to the seventh degree, thus conforming to that +essential principle of harmonious intercourse, “Remember that Chang +Chow’s ceiling is Tong Wi’s floor”; but who shall walk with +even footsteps in a land where the most degraded may legally bear the same +distinguished name as that of the enlightened sovereign himself, where the +admittedly difficult but even more purposeless achievement of causing a gold +mine to float is held to be more praiseworthy than to pass a competitive +examination or to compose a poem of inimitable brilliance, and where one +wearing gilt buttons and an emblem in his hat proves upon ingratiating approach +not to be a powerful official but a covetous and illiterate slave of inferior +rank? Thus, through their own narrow-minded inconsistencies, even the most +ceremoniously-proficient may at times present an ill-balanced attitude. This, +without reproach to himself, concerns the inward cause whereby the one who is +placed to you in the relation of an affectionate and ever-resourceful son found +unexpectedly that he had lost the benignant full face of a lady of exalted +title. +</p> + +<p> +At that time I had formed the acquaintance, in an obscure quarter of the city, +of one who wore a uniform, and was addressed on all sides as the commander of a +band, while the gold letters upon the neck part of his outer garment inevitably +suggested that he had borne an honourable share in the recent campaign in a +distant land. As I had frequently met many of similar rank drinking tea at the +house of the engaging countess to whom I have alluded, I did not hesitate to +prevail upon this Captain Miggs to accompany me there upon an occasion also, +assuring him of equality and a sympathetic reception; but from the moment of +our arrival the attitudes of those around pointed to the existence of some +unpropitious barrier invisible to me, and when the one with whom I was +associated took up an unassailable position upon the central table, and began +to speak authoritatively upon the subject of The Virtues, the unenviable +condition of the proud and affluent, and the myriads of fire-demons certainly +laying in wait for those who partook of spiced tea and rich foods in the +afternoon, and did not wear a uniform similar to his own, I began to recognise +that the selection had been inauspiciously arranged. Upon taxing some around +with the discrepancy (as there seemed to be no more dignified way of evading +the responsibility), they were unable to contend against me that there were, +indeed, two, if not more, distinct varieties of those bearing the rank of +captain, and that they themselves belonged to an entirely different camp, +wearing another dress, and possessing no authority to display the symbol of the +letters S.A. upon their necks. With this admission I was content to leave the +matter, in no way accusing them of actual duplicity, yet so withdrawing that +any of unprejudiced standing could not fail to carry away the impression that I +had been the victim of an unworthy artifice, and had been lured into their +society by the pretext that they were other than what they really were. +</p> + +<p> +With the bitter-flavoured memory of this, and other in no way dissimilar +episodes, lingering in my throat, it need not be a matter of conjecture that +for a time I greeted warily all who bore a title, a mark of rank, or any +similar appendage; who wore a uniform, weapon, brass helmet, jewelled crown, +coat of distinctive colour, or any excessive superfluity of pearl or metal +buttons; who went forth surrounded by a retinue, sat publicly in a chair or +allegorical chariot, spoke loudly in the highways and places in a tone of +official pronouncement, displayed any feather, emblem, inscribed badge, or +printed announcement upon a pole, or in any way conducted themselves in what we +should esteem to be fitting to a position of high dignity. From this arose the +absence of outward enthusiasm with which I at first received Sir Philip’s +extended favour; for although I had come to distrust all the reasonable signs +of established power, I distrusted, to a much more enhanced degree, their +complete absence; and when I observed that the one in question was never +accompanied by a band of musicians or flower-strewers, that he mingled as +though on terms of familiar intercourse with the ordinary passers-by in the +streets, and never struck aside those who chanced to impede his progress, and +that he actually preferred those of low condition to approach him on their +feet, rather than in the more becoming attitude of unconditional prostration, I +reasoned with myself whether indeed he could consistently be a person of +well-established authority, or whether I was not being again led away from my +self-satisfaction by another obliquity of barbarian logic. It was for this +reason that I now welcomed the admitted power which he has of incriminating +persons in a variety of punishable offences, and I perceived with an added +satisfaction that here, where this privilege is more fully understood, few meet +him without raising their hands to the upper part of their heads in token of +unquestioning submission; or, as one would interpret the symbolism into actual +words, meaning, “Thus, from this point to the underneath part of our +sandals, all between lies in the hollow of your comprehensive hand.” +</p> + +<hr /> + +<p> +There is a written jest among another barbarian nation that these among whom I +am tarrying, being by nature a people who take their pleasures tragically, when +they rise in the morning say, one to another, “Come, behold; it is +raining again as usual; let us go out and kill somebody.” Undoubtedly the +pointed end of this adroit-witted saying may be found in the circumstance that +it is, indeed, as the proverb aptly claims, raining on practically every +occasion in life; while, to complete the comparison, for many dynasties past +this nation has been successfully engaged in killing people (in order to +promote their ultimate benefit through a momentary inconvenience,) in every +part of the world. Thus the lines of parallel thought maintain a harmonious +balance beyond the general analogy of their sayings; but beneath this may be +found an even subtler edge, for in order to inure themselves to the requirement +of a high destiny their various games and manners of disportment are, with a +set purpose, so rigorously contested that in their progress most of the weak +and inefficient are opportunely exterminated. +</p> + +<p> +There is a favourite and well-attended display wherein two opposing bands, each +clad in robes of a distinctive colour, stand in extended lines of mutual +defiance, and at a signal impetuously engage. The design of each is by force or +guile to draw their opponents into an unfavourable position before an arch of +upright posts, and then surging irresistibly forward, to carry them beyond the +limit and hurl them to the ground. Those who successfully inflict this +humiliation upon their adversaries until they are incapable of further +resistance are hailed victorious, and sinking into a graceful attitude receive +each a golden cup from the magnanimous hands of a maiden chose to the service, +either on account of her peerless outline, the dignified position of her House, +or (should these incentives be obviously wanting,) because the chief ones of +her family are in the habit of contributing unstintingly to the equipment of +the triumphal band. There is also another kind of strife, differing in its +essentials only so far that all who engage therein are provided with a curved +staff, with which they may dexterously draw their antagonists beyond the +limits, or, should they fail to defend themselves adequately, break the smaller +bones of their ankles. But this form of encounter, despite the use of these +weapons, is really less fatal than the other, for it is not a permissible act +to club an antagonist resentfully about the head with the staff, nor yet even +to thrust it rigidly against his middle body. From this moderation the public +countenance extended to the curved-pole game is contemptibly meagre when viewed +by the side of the overwhelming multitudes which pour along every channel in +order to witness a more than usually desperate trial of the hurl-headlong +variety (the sight, indeed, being as attractive to these pale, blood-thirsty +foreigners as an unusually large execution is with us), and as a consequence +the former is little reputed save among maidens, the feeble, and those of +timorous instincts. +</p> + +<p> +Thus positioned, regarding a knowledge of their outside amusements, it has +always been one of the most prominent ambitions of this person’s strategy +to avoid being drawn into any encounter. At the same time, the thought that the +maidens of the household here (of whom there are several, all so attractively +proportioned that to compare them in a spirit of definite preference would be +distastefully presumptuous to this person,) should regard me as one lacking in +a sufficient display of violence was not fragrant to my sense of refinement; so +that when Sir Philip, a little time after our arrival, related to me that on +the following day he and a chosen band were to be engaged in the match of a +cricket game against adversaries from the village, and asked whether I cared to +bear a part in the strife, I grasped the muscles of the upper part of my left +arm with my right hand—as I had frequently seen the hardy and virile do +when the subject of their powers had been raised questioningly—and +replied that I had long concealed an insatiable wish to take such a part at a +point where the conflict would be the most revengefully contested. +</p> + +<p> +Being thus inflexibly committed it became very necessary to arrange a +well-timed intervention (whether in the nature of bodily disorder, fire, or +demoniacal upheaval, a warning omen, or the death of some of our chief +antagonists), but before doing so I was desirous of understanding how this +contest, which had hitherto remained outside my experience, was waged. +</p> + +<p> +There is here one of benevolent rotundity in whose authority lie the cavernous +stores beneath the house and the vessels of gold and silver; of menial rank +admittedly, yet exacting a seemly deference from all by the rich urbanity of +his voice and the dignity of his massive proportions. In the affable +condescension of his tone, and the discriminating encouragement of his attitude +towards me on all occasions, I have read a sympathetic concern over my welfare. +Him I now approached, and taking him aside, I first questioned him flatteringly +about his age and the extent of his yearly recompense, and then casually +inquired what in his language he would describe the nature of a cricket to be. +</p> + +<p> +“A cricket?” repeated the obliging person readily; “a +cricket, sir, is a hinsect. Something, I take it, after the manner of a +grass-’opper.” +</p> + +<p> +“Truly,” I agreed. “It is aptly likened. And, to continue the +simile, a game cricket—?” +</p> + +<p> +“A game cricket?” he replied; “well, sir, naturally a game +one would be more gamier than the others, wouldn’t it?” +</p> + +<p> +“The inference is unflinching,” I admitted, and after successfully +luring away his mind from any significance in the inquiry by asking him whether +the gift of a lacquered coffin or an embroidered shroud would be the more +regarded on parting, I left him. +</p> + +<p> +His words, esteemed, for a definite reason were as the jade-clappered melody of +a silver bell. This trial of sportiveness, it became clear,—less of a +massacre than most of their amusements—is really a rivalry of leapings +and dexterity of the feet: a conflict of game crickets or grass-hoppers, in the +somewhat wide-angled obscurity of their language, or, as we would more +appropriately call it doubtless, a festive competition in the similitude of +high-spirited locusts. To whatever degree the surrounding conditions might +vary, there could no longer be a doubt that the power of leaping high into the +air was the essential constituent of success in this barbarian match of +crickets—and in such an accomplishment this person excelled from the time +of his youth with a truly incredible proficiency. Can it be a reproach, then, +that when I considered this, and saw in a vision the contempt of inferiority +which I should certainly be able to inflict upon these native crickets before +the eyes of their maidens, even the accumulated impassiveness of thirty-seven +generations of Kong fore-fathers broke down for the moment, and unable to +restrain every vestige of emotion I crept unperceived to the ancestral hall of +Sir Philip and there shook hands affectionately with myself before each of the +nine ironclad warriors about its walls before I could revert to a becoming +state of trustworthy unconcern. That night in my own upper chamber I spent many +hours in testing my powers and studying more remarkable attitudes of locust +flight, and I even found to be within myself some new attainments of life-like +agility, such as feigning the continuous note of defiance with which the insect +meets his adversary, as remaining poised in the air for an appreciable moment +at the summit of each leap, and of conveying to the body a sudden and +disconcerting sideway movement in the course of its ascent. So immersed did I +become in the achievement of a high perfection that, to my never-ending +self-reproach, I failed to notice a supernatural visitation of undoubted +authenticity; for the next morning it was widely admitted that a certain +familiar demon of the house, which only manifests its presence on occasions of +tragic omen, had been heard throughout the night in warning, not only beating +its head and body against the walls and doors in despair, but raising from time +to time a wailing cry of soul-benumbing bitterness. +</p> + +<p> +With every assurance that the next letter, though equally distorted in style +and immature in expression, will contain the record of a deteriorated but ever +upward-striving son’s ultimate triumph. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0013" id="link2H_4_0013"></a> +LETTER XI</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning the game which we should call “Locusts,” and the deeper +significance of its acts. The solicitous warning of one passing inwards and the +complication occasioned by his ill-chosen words. Concerning that victory +already dimly foreshadowed. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire,—This barbarian game of agile grass-hoppers is not +conducted in the best spirit of a really well-balanced display, and although +the one now inscribing his emotions certainly achieved a wide popularity, and +wore his fig leaves with becoming modesty, he has never since been quite free +from an overhanging doubt that the compliments and genial remarks with which he +was assailed owed their modulation to an unsubstantial atmosphere of two-edged +significance which for a period enveloped all whom he approached; as in the +faces of maidens concealed behind fans when he passed, the down-drawn lips and +up-raised eyes of those of fuller maturity, the practice in most of his own +kind of turning aside, pressing their hands about their middle parts, and +bending forward into a swollen attitude devoid of grace, on the spur of a +sudden remembrance, and in the auspicious but undeniably embarrassing manner in +which all the unfledged ones of the village clustered about his retiring +footsteps, saluting him continually as one “James,” upon whom had +been conferred the gratifying title of “Sunny.” Thus may the +outline of the combat be recounted. +</p> + +<p> +From each opposing group eleven were chosen as a band, and we of our company +putting on a robe of distinctive green (while they elected to be regarded as an +assemblage of brown crickets), we presently came to a suitable spot where the +trial was to be decided. So far this person had reasonably assumed that at a +preconcerted signal the contest would begin, all rising into the air together, +uttering cries of menace, bounding unceasingly and in every way displaying the +dexterity of our proportions. Indeed, in the reasonableness of this expectation +it cannot be a matter for reproach to one of the green grass-hoppers—who +need not be further indicated—that he had already begun a well-simulated +note of challenge to those around clad in brown, and to leap upwards in a +preparatory essay, when the ever-alert Sir Philip took him affectionately by +the arm, on the plea that the seclusion of a neighbouring pavilion afforded a +desirable shade. +</p> + +<p> +Beyond that point it is difficult to convey an accurately grouped and fully +spread-out design of the encounter. In itself the scheme and intention of +counterfeiting the domestic life and rivalries of two opposing bands of insects +was pleasantly conceived, and might have been carried out with harmonious +precision, but, after the manner of these remote tribes, the original project +had been overshadowed and the purity of the imagination lost beneath a mass of +inconsistent detail. To this imperfection must it be laid that when at length +this person was recalled from the obscurity of the pagoda and the alluring +society of a maiden of the village, to whom he was endeavouring to expound the +strategy of the game, and called upon to engage actively in it, he courteously +admitted to those who led him forth that he had not the most shadowy-outlined +idea of what was required of him. +</p> + +<p> +Nevertheless they bound about his legs a frilled armour, ingeniously fashioned +to represent the ribbed leanness of the insect’s shank, encased his hands +and feet in covers to a like purpose, and pressing upon him a wooden club +indicated that the time had come for him to prove his merit by venturing alone +into the midst of the eleven brown adversaries who stood at a distance in +poised and expectant attitudes. +</p> + +<p> +Assuredly, benignant one, this sport of contending locusts began, as one +approached nearer to it, to wear no more pacific a face than if it had been a +carnage of the hurl-headlong or the curved-hook varieties. In such a +competition, it occurred to him, how little deference would be paid to this +one’s title of “Established Genius,” or how inadequately +would he be protected by his undoubted capacity of leaping upwards, and even in +a sideway direction, for no matter how vigorously he might propel himself, or +how successfully he might endeavour to remain self-sustained in the air, the +ill-destined moment could not be long deferred when he must come down again +into the midst of the eleven—all doubtless concealing weapons as massive +and fatally-destructive as his own. This prospect, to a person of quiescent +taste, whose chief delight lay in contemplating the philosophical subtleties of +the higher Classics, was in itself devoid of glamour, but with what funereal +pigments shall he describe his sinking emotions when one of his own band, +approaching him as he went, whispered in his ear, “Look out at this end; +they kick up like the very devil. And their man behind the wicket is really +smart; if you give him half a chance he’ll have your stumps down before +you can say ‘knife.’” Shorn of its uncouth familiarity, this +was a charitable warning that they into whose stronghold I was turning my +footsteps—perhaps first deceiving my alertness with a proffered +friendship—would kick with the ferocity of untamed demons, and that one +in particular, whose description, to my added despair, I was unable to retain, +was known to possess a formidable knife, with which it was his intention to cut +off this person’s legs at the first opportunity, before he could be +accused of the act. Truly, “To one whom he would utterly destroy Buddha +sends a lucky dream.” +</p> + +<p> +Behind lay the pagoda (though the fact that this one did admittedly turn round +for a period need not be too critically dwelt upon), with three tiers of +maidens, some already waving their hands as an encouraging token; on each side +a barrier of prickly growth inopportunely presented itself, while in front the +eleven kicking crickets stood waiting, and among them lurked the one grasping a +doubly-edged blade of a highly proficient keenness. +</p> + +<p> +There are occasional moments in the life of a person when he has the inward +perception of retiring for a few paces and looking back in order to consider +his general appearance and to judge how he is situated with regard to himself, +to review his past life in a spirit of judicial severity, to arrange definitely +upon a future composed entirely of acts of benevolence, and to examine the +working of destiny at large. In such a scrutiny I now began to understand that +it would perhaps have been more harmonious to my love of contemplative repose +if I had considered the disadvantages closer before venturing into this +barbarian region, or, at least, if I had used the occasion profitably to +advance an argument tending towards a somewhat fuller allowance of taels from +your benevolent sleeve. Our own virtuous and flower-strewn land, it is true, +does not possess an immunity from every trifling drawback. The Hoang +Ho—to concede specifically the existence of some of +these—frequently bursts through its restraining barriers and +indiscriminately sweeps away all those who are so ill-advised as to dwell +within reach of its malignant influence. From time to time wars and +insurrections are found to be necessary, and no matter how morally-intentioned +and humanely conducted, they necessarily result in the violation, dismemberment +or extirpation of many thousand polite and dispassionate persons who have no +concern with either side. Towns are repeatedly consumed by fire, districts +scourged by leprosy, and provinces swept by famine. The storms are admittedly +more fatal than elsewhere, the thunderbolts larger, more numerous, and all +unerringly directed, while the extremities of heat and cold render life really +uncongenial for the greater part of each year. The poor, having no money to +secure justice, are evilly used, whereas the wealthy, having too much, are +assailed legally by the gross and powerful for the purpose of extorting their +riches. Robbers and assassins lurk in every cave; vast hoards of pirates +blacken the surface of every river; and mandarins of the nine degrees must make +a livelihood by some means or other. By day, therefore, it is inadvisable to go +forth and encounter human beings, while none but the shallow-headed would risk +a meeting with the countless demons and vampires which move by night. To one +who has spent many moons among these foreign apparitions the absence of drains, +roads, illustrated message-parchments, maidens whose voices may be heard +protesting upon ringing a wire, loaves of conflicting dimensions, persons who +strive to put their faces upon every advertisement, pens which emit fountains +when carried in the pocket, a profusion of make-strong foods, and an +Encyclopaedia Mongolia, may undoubtedly be mentioned as constituting a material +deficiency. Affairs are not being altogether reputably conducted during the +crisis; it can never be quite definitely asserted what the next action of the +versatile and high-spirited Dowager Empress will be; and here it is freely +contended that the Pure and Immortal Empire is incapable of remaining in one +piece for much longer. These, and other inconveniences of a like nature, which +the fastidious might distort into actual hardships, have never been denied, yet +at no period of the nine thousand years of our civilisation has it been the +custom to lure out the unwary, on the plea of an agreeable entertainment, and +then to abandon him into the society of eleven club-bearing adversaries, one of +whom may be depicted as in the act of imparting an unnecessary polish to the +edge of his already preternaturally acute weapon, while those of his own band +offer no protection, and three tiers of very richly-dressed maidens encourage +him to his fate by refined gestures of approval. +</p> + +<p> +Doubtless this person had unconsciously allowed his inner meditations to carry +him away, as it may be expressed, for when he emerged from this strain of +reverie it was to discover himself in the chariot-road and—so +incongruously may be the actions when the controlling intelligence is +withdrawn—even proceeding at a somewhat undignified pace in a direction +immediately opposed to an encounter with the brown locusts. From this +mortifying position he was happily saved by emerging from these thought-dreams +before it was too late to return, and, also, if the detail is not too +insignificant to be related, by the fact that certain chosen runners from his +own company had reached a point in the road before him, and now stood joining +their outstretched arms across the passage and raising gravity-dispelling +cries. Smiling acquiescently, therefore, this person returned in their midst, +and receiving a new weapon, his own club having been absent-mindedly mislaid, +he again set forth warily to the encounter. +</p> + +<p> +Yet in this he did not altogether neglect a discreet prudence. The sympathetic +person to whom he was indebted for the pointed allusion had specifically +declared that they who used their feet with the desperate savagery of baffled +spectres guarded the nearer limits of their position, the intention of his +timely hint assuredly being that I should seek to approach from the opposite +end, where, doubtless, the more humane and conciliatory grass-hoppers were +assembled. Thus guided I now set forth in a widely-circuitous direction, having +the point where I meant to open an attack clearly before my eyes, yet seeking +to deliver a more effective onslaught by reaching it to some extent unperceived +and to this end creeping forward in the protecting shadow of the long grass and +untrimmed herbage. +</p> + +<p> +Whether the one already referred to had incapably failed to express his real +meaning, or whether he was tremulous by nature and inordinately self-deficient, +concerns the narration less than the fact that he had admittedly produced a +state of things largely in excess of the actual. There is no longer any +serviceable pretext for maintaining that those guarding any point of their +position were other than mild and benevolent, while the only edged weapon +displayed was one courteously produced to aid this person’s ineffectual +struggles to extricate himself when, by some obscure movement, he had most +ignobly entangled his pigtail about the claws of his sandal. +</p> + +<p> +Ignorant of this, the true state of things, I was still advancing subtly when +one wearing the emblems of our band appeared from among the brown insects and +came towards me. “Courage!” I exclaimed in a guarded tone, raising +my head cautiously and rejoiced to find that I should not be alone. “Here +is one clad in green bearing succour, who will, moreover, obstinately defend +his stumps to the last extremity.” +</p> + +<p> +“That’s right,” replied the opportune person agreeably; +“we need a few like that. But do get up on your hind legs and come along, +there’s a good fellow. You can play at bears in the nursery when we get +back, if you want.” +</p> + +<p> +Certainly one can simulate the movements of wild animals in a market-garden if +the impersonation is thought to be desirable, yet the reasonable analogy of the +saying is elusive in the extreme, and I followed the ally who had thus betrayed +my presence with a deep-set misgiving although in the absence of a more +trustworthy guide, and in the suspicion that some point of my every ordinary +strategy had been inept, I was compelled to mould myself identically into his +advice. +</p> + +<p> +Scarcely had he left me, and I was endeavouring to dispel any idea of treachery +towards those about by actions of graceful courtesy, when one—unworthy of +burial—standing a score of paces distant, (to whom, indeed, this person +was at the moment bowing with almost passionate vehemence, inspired by the +conviction that he, for his part, was engaged in a like attention,) suddenly +cast a missile—which, somewhat double-facedly, he had hitherto held +concealed in his closed hand—with undeviating force and accuracy. So +unexpected was the movement, so painfully-impressed the vindictive contact, +that I should have instinctively seized the offensively-directed object and +contemptuously hurled it back again, if the consequence of the blow had not +deprived my mind of all retaliatory ambitions. In this emergency was manifested +a magnanimous act worthy of the incense of a poem, for a person standing +immediately by, seeing how this one was balanced in his emotions, picked up the +missile, and although one of the foremost of the opposing band, very obligingly +flung it back at the assailant. Even an outcast would not have passed this +without a suitable tribute, and turning to him, I was remarking appreciatively +that men were not divided by seas and wooden barriers, but by the unchecked and +conflicting lusts of the mind, when the unclean and weed-nurtured traitor +twenty paces distant, taking a degraded advantage from this person’s +attitude, again propelled his weapon with an even more concentrated perfidy +than before. At this new outrage every brown cricket shrank from the attitude +of alert vigour which hitherto he had maintained, and as though to disassociate +themselves from the stain of complicity all crossed over and took up new +positions. +</p> + +<p> +Up to this point, majestic head, in order to represent the adventure in its +proper sequence, it has been advisable to present the details as they arose +before the eyes of a reliable and dispassionate gazer. Now, however, it is no +less seemly to declare that this barbarian sport of leaping insects is not so +discreditably shallow as it had at first appeared, while in every action there +may be found an apt but hidden symbol. Thus the presence of the two green +locusts in the midst of others of a dissimilar nature represents the unending +strife by which even the most pacific are ever surrounded. The fragile erection +of sticks (behind which this person at first sought to defend himself until led +into a more exposed position by one garbed in white,) may be regarded as the +home and altar, and adequately depicts the hollowness of the protection it +affords and the necessity of reliantly emerging to defy an invader rather than +lurking discreditably among its recesses. The missile is the equivalent of a +precise and immediate danger, the wooden club the natural instinct for defence +with which all living creatures are endowed, so that when the peril is for the +time driven away the opportunity is at hand for the display of virtuous +amusements, the exchanging of hospitality, and the beating of professional +drums as we would say. Thus, at the next attack the one sharing the enterprise +with me struck the missile so proficiently that its recovery engaged the +attention of all our adversaries, and then began to exhibit his powers by +running and leaping towards me. Recognising that the actual moment of the +display had arrived, this person at once emitted a penetrating cry of +concentrated challenge, and also began to leap upwards and about, and with so +much energy that the highly achieved limits of his flight surprised even +himself. +</p> + +<p> +As for the bystanders, esteemed, those who opposed us, and the members of our +own band, although this leaping sportiveness is a competition more regarded and +practised among all orders than the pursuit of commercial eminence, or even +than the allurements of the sublimest Classics, it may be truly imagined that +never before had they witnessed so remarkable a game cricket. From the pagoda a +loud cry of wonder acclaimed the dexterity of this person’s efforts; the +three tiers of maidens climbed one upon another in their anxiety to lose no +detail of the adventure, and outstanders from distant points began to assemble. +The brown enemy at once abandoned themselves to a panic, and for the most part +cast themselves incapably to the ground, rolling from side to side in an access +of emotion; the two arbiters clad in white conferred together, doubtless on the +uselessness of further contest, while the ally who had summoned me to take a +part instead of being encouraged to display his agility in a like manner +continued to run slavishly from point to point, while I overcame the distances +in a series of inspired bounds. +</p> + +<p> +In the meanwhile the sounds of encouragement from the ever-increasing multitude +grew like the falling of a sudden coast storm among the ripe leaves of a +tea-plantation, and with them the voices of many calling upon my name and +inciting me to further and even higher achievements reached my ears. Not to +grow small in the eyes of these estimable persons I continued in my flight, and +abandoning all set movements and limits, I began to traverse the field in every +direction, becoming more proficient with each effort, imparting to myself a +sideway and even backward motion while yet in the upper spaces, remaining +poised for an appreciable period, and lightly, yet with graceful ease, avoiding +the embraces of those who would have detained me. Undoubtedly I could have +maintained this supremacy until our band might justly have claimed the reward, +had not the flattering cries of approval caused an indiscreet mistake, for the +alarm being spread in the village that a conflagration of imposing ferocity was +raging, an ornamental chariot conveying a band of warriors clad in brass armour +presently entered into the strife, and discovering no fire to occupy their +charitable energies they misguidedly honoured this offensive person by +propelling a solid column of the purest and most refreshing water against his +ignoble body when at the point of his highest flight. This introduction of a +thunderbolt into the everyday life of an insect must be of questionable +authenticity, yet not feeling sufficiently instructed in the lesser details of +the sportiveness to challenge the device, I suffered myself to be led towards +the pavilion with no more struggling than enough to remove the ignominy of an +unresisting surrender, pleasantly remarking to those who bore me along that to +a person of philosophical poise the written destiny was as apparent in the +falling leaf as in the rising sun, pointing the saying thus: “Although +the Desert of Shan-tz is boundless, and mankind number a million million, yet +in it Li-hing encountered his mother-in-law.” Changing to meet another of +our company setting forth with a club to make the venture, I was permitted for +a moment to engage him; whereupon thrusting into his hand a leather charm +against ill-directed efforts, and instructing him to bind it about his head, I +encouraged him with the imperishable watch-word of the Emperor Tsin Su, +“The stars are indeed small, but their light carries as far as that of +the full moon.” +</p> + +<p> +At the steps of the pagoda so great was the throng of those who would have +overwhelmed me with their gracious attention, that had not this person’s +neck become practically automatic by ceaseless use of late, he would have been +utterly unequal to the emergency. As it was, he could only bestow a superficial +hand-wave upon a company of gold-embroidered musicians who greeted his return +with appropriate melody, and a glance of well-indicated regret that he had no +fuller means of conveying his complicated emotions, in the direction of the +uppermost tier of maidens. Then the awaiting Sir Philip took him firmly towards +the inner part of the pavilion, and announced, so adroitly and with such +high-spirited vigour had this one maintained the conflict, that it had been +resolutely agreed on all sides not to make a test of his competence any +further. +</p> + +<p> +Thereupon a band of very sumptuously arrayed nymphs drew near with offerings of +liquid fat and a variety of crimson fruit, which it is customary to grind +together on the platter—unapproachable in the result, certainly, yet +incredibly elusive to the unwary in the manner of bruising, and practically +ineradicable upon the more delicate shades of silk garment. In such a situation +the one who is now relating the various incidents of the day may be imagined by +a broad-minded and affectionate sire: partaking of this native fruit and oil, +and from time to time expressing his insatiable anguish that he continually +fails to become more proficient in controlling the oblique movements of the +viands, while the less successful crickets are constrained to persevere in the +combat, and the ever-present note of evasive purport is raised by a voice from +behind a screen exclaiming, “Out afore? That he may have been, but do he +think we was a-going to give he out afore? No, maaster, us doant a-have a +circus every day hereabouts.” +</p> + +<p> +Thus may this imagination of competitive locusts be set forth to the end. If a +fuller proof of what an unostentatious self-effacement hesitates to enlarge +upon were required, it might be found in the barbarian printed leaf, for the +next day this person saw a public record of the strife, in which his own name +was followed by a numerical emblem signifying that he had not stumbled or +proved incompetent in any one particular. Sir Philip, I beheld with pained +surprise, had obtusely suffered himself to be caught out in the committal of +fifty-nine set offences. +</p> + +<p> +With a not unnatural anticipation that, as a result of this painstaking +description, this person will find two well-equipped camps of contending +locusts in Yuen-ping on his return. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0014" id="link2H_4_0014"></a> +LETTER XII</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning the obvious misunderstanding which has entwined itself about a +revered parent’s faculties of passionless discrimination. The all-water +disportment and the two, of different sexes, who after regarding me +conflictingly from the beginning, ended in a like but inverted manner. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire,—Your gem-adorned letter containing a thousand burnished +words of profuse reproach has entered my diminished soul in the form of an +equal number of rusty barbs. Can it be that the incapable person whom, as you +truly say, you sent, “to observe the philosophical subtleties of the +barbarians, to study their dynastical records and to associate liberally with +the venerable and dignified,” has, in your own unapproachable felicity of +ceremonial expression, “according to a discreet whisper from many +sources, chiefly affected the society of tea-house maidens, the immature of +both sexes, doubtful characters of all classes, and criminals awaiting trial; +has evinced an unswerving affinity towards light amusement and entertainments +of a no-class kind; and in place of a wise aloofness, befitting a wearer of the +third Gold Button and the Horn Belt-clasp, in situations of critical +perplexity, seems by his own ingenuous showing to have maintained an +unparalleled aptitude for behaving either with the crystalline simplicity of a +Kan-su earth-tiller, or the misplaced buffoonery of a seventh-grade +body-writher taking the least significant part in an ill-equipped Swatow +one-cash Hall of Varied Melodies.” Assuredly, if your striking and +well-chosen metaphors were not more unbalanced than the ungainly attitude of a +one-legged hunchback crossing a raging torrent by means of a slippery plank on +a stormy night, they would cause the very acutest bitterness to the throat of a +dutiful and always high-stepping son. There is an apt saying, however, “A +quarrel between two soldiers in the market-place becomes a rebellion in the +outskirts,” and when this person remembers that many thousand li of mixed +elements flow between him and his usually correct and dispassionate sire, he is +impelled to take a mild and tolerant attitude towards the momentary injustice +brought about by the weakness of approaching old age, the vile-intentioned +mendacity of outcasts envious of the House of Kong, and, perchance, the +irritation brought on by a too lavish indulgence in your favourite dish of +stewed mouse. +</p> + +<p> +Having thus re-established himself in the clear-sighted affection of an ever +mild and perfect father, and cleansed the ground of all possible +misunderstandings in the future, this person will concede the fact that, not to +stand beneath the faintest shadow of an implied blemish in your sympathetic +eyes, he had no sooner understood the attitude in which he had been presented +than he at once plunged into the virtuous society of a band of the sombre and +benevolent. +</p> + +<p> +These, so far as his intelligence enables him to grasp the position, may be +reasonably accepted as the barbarian equivalent of those very high-minded +persons who in our land devote their whole lives secretly to killing others +whom they consider the chief deities do not really approve of; for although +they are not permitted here, either by written law or by accepted custom, to +perform these meritorious actions, they are so intimately initiated into the +minds and councils of the Upper Ones that they are able to pronounce very +severe judgments of torture—a much heavier penalty than merely being +assassinated—upon all who remain outside their league. As some of the +most objurgatory of these alliances do not number more than a score of persons, +it is inevitable that the ultimate condition of the whole barbarian people must +be hazardous in the extreme. +</p> + +<p> +Having associated myself with this class sufficiently to escape their +vindictive pronouncements, and freely professed an unswerving adherence to +their rites, I next sought out the priests of other altars, intending by a +seemly avowal to each in turn to safeguard my future existence effectually. +This I soon discovered to be beyond the capacity of an ordinary lifetime, for +whereas we, with four hundred million subjects find three religions to be +sufficient to meet every emergency, these irresolute island children, although +numbering us only as one to ten, vacillate among three hundred; and even amid +this profusion it is asserted that most of the barbarians are unable to find +any temple exactly conforming to their requirements, and after writing to the +paper to announce the fact, abandon the search in despair. +</p> + +<p> +It was while I was becoming proficient in the inner subtleties of one of these +orders—they who drink water on all occasions and wear a badge—that +a maiden of some authority among them besought my aid for the purpose of +amusing a band which she was desirous of propitiating into the adoption of this +badge. It is possible that in the immature confidence of former letters this +person may already have alluded to certain maidens with words of courteous +esteem, but it is now necessary to admit finally that in the presence of this +same Helena they would all appear as an uninviting growth of stunted and +deformed poppies surrounding a luxuriant chrysanthemum. At the presumptuous +thought of describing her illimitable excellences my fingers become claw-like +in their confessed inadequacy to hold a sufficiently upright brush; yet without +undue confidence it may be set down that her hands resembled the two wings of a +mandarin drake in their symmetrical and changing motion, her hair as light and +radiant-pointed as the translucent incense cloud floating before the golden +Buddha of Shan-Si, thin white satin stretched tightly upon polished agate only +faintly comparable to her jade cheeks, while her eyes were more unfathomable +than the crystal waters of the Keng-kiang, and within their depths her pure and +magnanimous thoughts could be dimly seen to glide like the gold and silver carp +beneath the sacred river. +</p> + +<p> +When this insurpassable being approached me with the flattering petition +already alluded to, my gratified emotions clashed together uncontrollably with +the internal feeling of many volcanoes in movement, and my organs of expression +became so entangled at the condescension of her melodious voice being directly +addressed to one so degraded, that for several minutes I was incapable of +further acquiescence than that conveyed by an adoring silence and an unchanging +smile. No formality appeared worthy to greet her by, no expression of +self-contempt sufficiently offensive to convey to her enlightenment my own +sense of a manifold inferiority, and doubtless I should have remained in a +transfixed attitude until she had at length turned aside, had not your +seasonable reference to a Swatow limb-contorter struck me heavily and abruptly +turned off the source of my agreement. Might not this all-water entertainment, +it occurred to this one, consist in enticing him to drink a potion made +unsuspectedly hot, in projecting him backwards into a vat of the same liquid, +or some similar device for the pleasurable amusement of those around, which +would come within the boundaries of your refined disapproval? As one by himself +there was no indignity that this person would not cheerfully have submitted to, +but the inexorable cords of an ingrained filial regard suddenly pulled him +sideways and into another direction. +</p> + +<p> +“But, Mr. Kong,” exclaimed the bee-lipped maiden, when I had +explained (as being less involved to her imagination,) that I was under a vow, +“we have been relying upon you. Could you not”—and here she +dropped her eyes and picked them up again with a fluttering motion which our +lesser ones are, to an all-wise end, quite unacquainted with—“could +you not unvow yourself for one night, just to please ME?” +</p> + +<p> +At these words, the illuminated proficiency of her glance, and her honourable +resolution to implicate me in the display by head or feet, the ever-revered +image of a just and obedience-loving father ceased to have any further tangible +influence. Let it be remembered that there is a deep saying, “A virtuous +woman will cause more evil than ten river pirates.” As for the person who +is recording his incompetence, the room and all those about began to engulf him +in an ever-increasing circular motion, his knees vibrated together with +unrestrained pliancy, and concentrating his voice to indicate by the allegory +some faint measure of his emotion, he replied passionately, “Let the +amusement referred to take the form of sitting in a boiling cauldron exposed to +the derision of all beholders, this one will now enter it wearing yellow silk +trousers.” +</p> + +<hr /> + +<p> +It is characteristic of these illogical out-countries that the all-water +diversion did not, as a matter to record, concern itself with that liquid in +any detail, beyond the contents of a glass vessel from which a venerable +person, who occupied a raised chair, continually partook. This discriminating +individual spoke so confidently of the beneficial action of the fluid, and so +unswervingly described my own feelings at the moment—as of head +giddiness, an inexactitude of speech, and no clear definition of where the next +step would be arrived at—as the common lot of all who did not consume +regularly, that when that same Helena had passed on to speak to another, I left +the hall unobserved and drank successive portions, in each case, as the night +was cold, prudently adding a measure of the native rice spirit. His advice had +been well-directed, for with the fourth portion I suddenly found all doubtful +and oppressive visions withdrawn, and a new and exhilarating self-confidence +raised in their place. In this agreeable temper I returned to the place of +meeting to find a priest of one of the lesser orders relating a circumstance +whereby he had encountered a wild maiden in the woods, who had steadfastly +persisted that she was one of a band of seven (this being the luckiest +protective number among the superstitious). Though unable to cause their +appearance, she had gone through a most precise examination at his hands +without deviating in the slightest particular, whereupon distrusting the +outcome of the strife, the person who was relating the adventure had withdrawn +breathless. +</p> + +<p> +When this versatile lesser priest had finished the narration, and the applause, +which clearly showed that those present approved of the solitary maiden’s +discreet stratagem, had ceased, the one who occupied the central platform, +rising, exclaimed loudly, “Mr. Kong will next favour us with a +contribution, which will consist, I am informed, of a Chinese tale.” +</p> + +<p> +Now there chanced to be present a certain one who had already become offensive +to me by the systematic dexterity with which he had planted his inopportune +shadow between the sublime-souled Helena and any other who made a movement to +approach her heaven-dowered outline. When this presumptuous and ill-nurtured +outcast, who was, indeed, then seated by the side of the enchanting maiden last +referred to, heard the announcement he said in a voice feigned to reach her +peach-skin ear alone, yet intentionally so modulated as to penetrate the +furthest limit of the room, “A Chinese tale! Why, assuredly, that must be +a pig-tail.” At this unseemly shaft many of those present allowed +themselves to become immoderately amused, and even the goat-like sage who had +called upon my name concealed his face behind an open hand, but the +amiably-disposed Helena, after looking at the undiscriminating youth coldly for +a moment, deliberately rose and moved to a vacant spot at a distance. +Encouraged by this fragrant act of sympathy I replied with a polite bow to +indicate the position, “On the contrary, the story which it is now my +presumptuous intention to relate will contain no reference whatever to the +carefully-got-up one occupying two empty seats in the front row,” and +without further introduction began the history of Kao and his three brothers, +to which I had added the title, “The Three Gifts.” +</p> + +<p> +At the conclusion of this classical example of the snares ever lying around the +footsteps of the impious, I perceived that the jocular stripling, whom I had so +delicately reproved, was no longer present. Doubtless he had been unable to +remain in the same room with the commanding Helena’s high-spirited +indignation, and anticipating that in consequence there would now be no +obstacle to her full-faced benignity, I drew near with an appropriate smile. +</p> + +<p> +It is somewhere officially recorded, “There is only one man who knew with +accurate certainty what a maiden’s next attitude would be, and he died +young of surprise.” As I approached I had the sensation of passing into +so severe an atmosphere of rigid disfavour, that the ingratiating lines upon my +face became frozen in its intensity, despite the ineptness of their expression. +Unable to penetrate the cause of my offence, I made a variety of agreeable +remarks, until finding that nothing tended towards a becoming reconciliation, I +gradually withdrew in despair, and again turned my face in the direction of +that same accommodation which I had already found beneath the sign of an +Encompassed Goat. Here, by the sarcasm of destiny, I encountered the person who +had drawn the slighting analogy between this one’s pig-tail and his +ability as a story-teller. For a brief space of time the ultimate development +of the venture was doubtfully poised, but recognising in each other’s +features the overhanging cloud of an allied pang, the one before me expressed a +becoming contrition for the jest, together with a proffered cup. Not to appear +out-classed I replied in a suitable vein, involving the supply of more vessels; +whereupon there succeeded many more vessels, called for both singly and in +harmonious unison, and the reappearance of numerous bright images, accompanied +by a universal scintillation of meteor-like iridescence. In this genial and +greatly-enlarged spirit we returned affably together to the hall, and entered +unperceived at the moment when the one who made the announcements was crying +aloud, “According to the programme the next item should have been a +Chinese poem, but as Mr. Kong Ho appears to have left the building, we shall +pass him over—” +</p> + +<p> +“What Ho?” exclaimed the somewhat impetuous one by my side, +stepping forward indignantly and mounting the platform in his affectionate +zeal. “No one shall pass over my old and valued friend—this +Ho—while I have a paw to raise. Step forward, Mandarin, and let them +behold the inventor and sole user of the justly far-famed G. R. Ko-Ho hair +restorer—sent in five guinea bottles to any address on receipt of four +penny stamps—as he appeared in his celebrated impersonation of the +human-faced Swan at Doll and Edgar’s. Come on, oh, Ho!” +</p> + +<p> +“Assuredly,” I replied, striving to follow him, “yet with the +wary greeting, ‘Slowly, slowly; walk slowly,’ engraved upon my +mind, for the barrier of these convoluted stairs—” but at this word +a band of maidens passed out hastily, and in the tumult I reached the dais and +began Weng Chi’s immortal verses, entitled “The Meandering +Flight,” which had occupied me three complete days and nights in the +detail of rendering the allusions into well-balanced similitudes and at the +same time preserving the skilful evasion of all conventional rules which raises +the original to so sublime a height. +</p> + +<p class="poem"> +The voice of one singing at the dawn;<br/> +The seven harmonious colours in the sky;<br/> +The meeting by the fountain;<br/> +The exchange of gifts, and the sound of the processional drum;<br/> +The emotion of satisfaction in each created being;<br/> +This is the all-prominent indication of the Spring.<br/> +<br/> +The general disinclination to engage in laborious tasks;<br/> +The general readiness to consume voluminous potions on any pretext.<br/> +The deserted appearance of the city and the absence of the come-in motion at +every door;<br/> +The sportiveness of maidens, and even those of maturer age, ethereally clad, +upon the shore.<br/> +The avowed willingness of merchants to dispose of their wares for half the +original sum.<br/> +This undoubtedly is the Summer.<br/> +<br/> +The yellow tea leaf circling as it falls;<br/> +The futile wheeling of the storm-tossed swan;<br/> +The note of the marble lute at evening by the pool;<br/> +The immobile cypress seen against the sun.<br/> +The unnecessarily difficult examination paper.<br/> +All these things are suggestive of the Autumn.<br/> +<br/> +The growing attraction of a well-lined couch.<br/> +The obsequious demeanour of message-bearers, charioteers, and the club-armed +keepers of peace.<br/> +The explosion of innumerable fire-crackers round the convivial shrines,<br/> +The gathering together of relations who at all other times shun each other +markedly.<br/> +The obtrusive recollection of a great many things contrary to a spoken vow, and +the inflexible purpose to be more resolute in future.<br/> +These in turn invariably attend each Winter. +</p> + +<p> +It certainly had not presented itself to me before that the words +“invariably attend” are ill-chosen, but as I would have uttered +them their inelegance became plain, and this person made eight conscientious +attempts to soften down their harsh modulation by various interchanges. He was +still persevering hopefully when he of chief authority approached and requested +that the one who was thus employed and that same other would leave the hall +tranquilly, as the all-water entertainment was at an end, and an attending +slave was in readiness to extinguish the lanterns. +</p> + +<p> +“Yet,” I protested unassumingly, “that which has so far been +expressed is only in the semblance of an introductory ode. There +follow—” +</p> + +<p> +“You must not argue with the Chair,” exclaimed another interposing +his voice. “Whatever the Chair rules must be accepted.” +</p> + +<p> +“The innuendo is flat-witted,” I replied with imperturbable +dignity, but still retaining my hold upon the rail. “When this person so +far loses his sense of proportion as to contend with an irrational object, +devoid of faculties, let the barb be cast. After that introduction dealing with +the four seasons, the twelve gong-strokes of the day are reviewed in a like +fashion. These in turn give place to the days of the month, then the moons of +the year, and finally the years of the cycle.” +</p> + +<p> +“That’s fair,” exclaimed the perverse though well-meaning +youth, whom I was beginning to recognise as the cause of some misunderstanding +among us. “If you don’t want any more of his poem—and I +don’t blame you—my pal Ho, who is one of the popular Flip-Flap +Troupe, offers to do some trick cycle-riding on his ears. What more can you +expect?” +</p> + +<p> +“We expect a policeman very soon,” replied another severely. +“He has already been sent for.” +</p> + +<p> +“In that case,” said the one who had so persistently claimed me as +an ally, “perhaps I can do you a service by directing him here”; +and leaving this person to extricate himself by means of a reassuring silence +and some of the larger silver pieces of the Island, he vanished hastily. +</p> + +<p> +With some doubt whether or not this deviation into the society of the +professedly virtuous, ending as it admittedly does in an involvement, may not +be deemed ill-starred; yet hopeful. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0014a" id="link2H_4_0014a"></a> +THE THREE GIFTS</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Related by Kong Ho on the occasion of the all-water disportment, under the +circumstances previously set forth. +</p> + +<p> +Beyond the limits of the township of Yang-chow there dwelt a rich astrologer +named Wei. Reading by his skilful interpretation of the planets that he would +shortly Pass Above, he called his sons Chu, Shan, and Hing to his side and +distributed his wealth impartially among them. To Chu he gave his house +containing a gold couch; to Shan a river with a boat; to Hing a field in which +grew a prolific orange-tree. “Thus provided for,” he continued, +“you will be able to live together in comfort, the resources of each +supplying the wants of the others in addition to his own requirements. +Therefore when I have departed let it be your first care to sacrifice +everything else I leave, so that I also, in the Upper Air, may not be left +destitute.” +</p> + +<p> +Now in addition to these three sons Wei also had another, the youngest, but one +of so docile, respectful, and self-effacing a disposition that he was +frequently overlooked to the advantage of his subtle, ambitious, and +ingratiating brothers. This youth, Kao, thinking that the occasion certainly +called for a momentary relaxation of his usual diffidence, now approached his +father modestly, and begged that he also might be included to some trivial +degree in his bounty. +</p> + +<p> +This reasonable petition involved Wei in an embarrassing perplexity. Although +he had forgotten Kao completely in the division, he had now definitely +concluded the arrangement; nor, to his failing powers, did it appear possible +to make a just allotment on any other lines. “How can a person profitably +cut up an orange-tree, a boat, an inlaid couch, or a house?” he demanded. +“Who can divide a flowing river, or what but unending strife can arise +from regarding an open field in anything but its entirety? Assuredly six +cohesive objects cannot be apportioned between four persons.” Yet he +could not evade the justice of Kao’s implied rebuke, so drawing to his +side a jade cabinet he opened it, and from among the contents he selected an +ebony staff, a paper umbrella, and a fan inscribed with a mystical sentence. +These three objects he placed in Kao’s hands, and with his last breath +signified that he should use them discreetly as the necessity arose. +</p> + +<p> +When the funeral ceremonies were over, Chu, Shan, and Hing came together, and +soon moulded their covetous thoughts into an agreed conspiracy. “Of what +avail would be a boat or a river if this person sacrificed the nets and +appliances by which the fish are ensnared?” asked Shan. “How little +profit would lie in an orange-tree and a field without cattle and the +implements of husbandry!” cried Hing. “One cannot occupy a gold +couch in an empty house both by day and night,” remarked Chu stubbornly. +“How inadequate, therefore, would such a provision be for three.” +</p> + +<p> +When Kao understood that his three brothers had resolved to act in this +outrageous manner he did not hesitate to reproach them; but not being able to +contend against him honourably, they met him with ridicule. “Do not +attempt to rule us with your wooden staff,” they cried contemptuously. +“Sacrifice IT if your inside is really sincere. And, in the meanwhile, go +and sit under your paper umbrella and wield your inscribed fan, while we attend +to our couch, our boat, and our orange-tree.” +</p> + +<p> +“Truly,” thought Kao to himself when they had departed, +“their words were irrationally offensive, but among them there may stand +out a pointed edge. Our magnanimous father is now bereft of both comforts and +necessities, and although an ebony rod is certainly not much in the +circumstances, if this person is really humanely-intentioned he will not +withhold it.” With this charitable design Kao build a fire before the +couch (being desirous, out of his forgiving nature, to associate his eldest +brother in the offering), and without hesitation sacrificed the most +substantial of his three possessions. +</p> + +<p> +It here becomes necessary to explain that in addition to being an expert +astrologer, Wei was a far-seeing magician. The rod of unimpressionable solidity +was in reality a charm against decay, and its hidden virtues being thus +destroyed, a contrary state of things naturally arose, so that the next morning +it was found that during the night the gold couch had crumbled away into a +worthless dust. +</p> + +<p> +Even this manifestation did not move the three brothers, although the geniality +of Shan and Hing’s countenances froze somewhat towards Chu. Nevertheless +Chu still possessed a house, and by pointing out that they could live as +luxuriantly as before on the resources of the river and the field and the tree, +he succeeded in maintaining his position among them. +</p> + +<p> +After seven days Kao reflected again. “This avaricious person still has +two objects, both of which he owes to his revered father’s imperishable +influence,” he admitted conscience-stricken, “while the being in +question has only one.” Without delay he took the paper umbrella and +ceremoniously burned it, scattering the ashes this time upon Shan’s +river. Like the rod the umbrella also possessed secret virtues, its particular +excellence being a curse against clouds, wind demons, thunderbolts and the +like, so that during the night a great storm raged, and by the morning +Shan’s boat had been washed away. +</p> + +<p> +This new calamity found the three brothers more obstinately perverse than ever. +It cannot be denied that Hing would have withdrawn from the guilty confederacy, +but they were as two to one, and prevailed, pointing out that the house still +afforded shelter, the river yielded some of the simpler and inferior fish which +could be captured from the banks, and the fruitfulness of the orange-tree was +undiminished. +</p> + +<p> +At the end of seven more days Kao became afflicted with doubt. “There is +no such thing as a fixed proportion or a set reckoning between a dutiful son +and an embarrassed sire,” he confessed penitently. “How incredibly +profane has been this person’s behaviour in not seeing the obligation in +its unswerving necessity before.” With this scrupulous resolve Kao took +his last possession, and carrying it into the field he consumed it with fire +beneath Hing’s orange-tree. The fan, in turn, also had hidden properties, +its written sentence being a spell against drought, hot winds, and the demons +which suck the nourishment from all crops. In consequence of the act these +forces were called into action, and before another day Hing’s tree had +withered away. +</p> + +<p> +It is said with reason, “During the earthquake men speak the +truth.” At this last disaster the impious fortitude of the three brothers +suddenly gave way, and cheerfully admitting their mistake, each committed +suicide, Chu disembowelling himself among the ashes of his couch, Shan sinking +beneath the waters of his river, and Hing hanging by a rope among the branches +of his own effete orange-tree. +</p> + +<p> +When they had thus fittingly atoned for their faults the imprecation was lifted +from off their possessions. The couch was restored by magic art to its former +condition, the boat was returned by a justice-loving person into whose hands it +had fallen lower down the river, and the orange-tree put out new branches. Kao +therefore passed into an undiminished inheritance. He married three wives, to +commemorate the number of his brothers, and had three sons, whom he called Chu, +Shan, and Hing, for a like purpose. These three all attained to high office in +the State, and by their enlightened morals succeeded in wiping all the +discreditable references to others bearing the same names from off the domestic +tablets. +</p> + +<p> +From this story it will be seen that by acting virtuously, yet with an +observing discretion, on all occasions, it is generally possible not only to +rise to an assured position, but at the same time unsuspectedly to involve +those who stand in our way in a just destruction. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0015" id="link2H_4_0015"></a> +LETTER XIII</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning a state of necessity; the arisings engendered thereby, and the +turned-away face of those ruling the literary quarter of the city towards one +possessing a style. This foreign manner of feigning representations, and +concerning my dignified portrayal of two. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire,—It is now more than three thousand years ago that the +sublime moralist Tcheng How, on being condemned by a resentful official to a +lengthy imprisonment in a very inadequate oil jar, imperturbably replied, +“As the snail fits his impliant shell, so can the wise adapt themselves +to any necessity,” and at once coiled himself up in the restricted space +with unsuspected agility. In times of adversity this incomparable reply has +often shone as a steadfast lantern before my feet, but recently it struck my +senses with a heavier force, for upon presenting myself on the last occasion at +the place of exchange frequented by those who hitherto have carried out your +spoken promise with obliging exactitude, and at certain stated intervals freely +granted to this person a sufficiency of pieces of gold, merely requiring in +return an inscribed and signet-bearing record of the fact, I was received with +no diminution of sympathetic urbanity, indeed, but with hands quite devoid of +outstretched fulness. +</p> + +<p> +In a small inner chamber, to which I was led upon uttering courteous protests, +one of solitary authority explained how the deficiency had arisen, but owing to +the skill with which he entwined the most intricate terms in unbroken fluency, +the only impression left upon my superficial mind was, that the person before +me was imputing the scheme for my despoilment less to any mercenary instinct on +the part of his confederates, than to a want of timely precision maintained by +one who seemed to bear an agreeable-sounding name somewhat similar to your own, +and who, from the difficulty of reaching his immediate ear, might be regarded +as dwelling in a distant land. Encouraged by this conciliatory profession (and +seeing no likelihood of gaining my end otherwise), I thereupon declared my +willingness that the difference lying between us should be submitted to the +pronouncement of dispassionate omens, either passing birds, flat and round +sticks, the seeds of two oranges, wood and fire, water poured out upon the +ground or any equally reliable sign as he himself might decide. However, in +spite of his honourable assurances, he was doubtless more deeply implicated in +the adventure than he would admit, for at this scrupulous proposal the +benignant mask of his expression receded abruptly, and, striking a hidden bell, +he waved his hands and stood up to signify that further justice was denied me. +</p> + +<p> +In this manner a state of destitution calling for the fullest acceptance of +Tcheng How’s impassive philosophy was created, nor had many hours faded +before the first insidious temptation to depart from his uncompromising +acquiescence presented itself. +</p> + +<p> +At that time there was no one in whom I reposed a larger-sized piece of +confidence (in no way involving sums of money,) than one officially styled +William Beveledge Greyson, although, profiting by our own custom, it is unusual +for those really intimate with his society to address him fully, unless the +occasion should be one of marked ceremony. Forming a resolution, I now +approached this obliging person, and revealing to him the cause of the +emergency, I prayed that he would advise me, as one abandoned on a strange +Island, by what handicraft or exercise of skill I might the readiest secure for +the time a frugal competence. +</p> + +<p> +“Why, look here, aged man,” at once replied the lavish William +Greyson, “don’t worry yourself about that. I can easily let you +have a few pounds to tide you over. You will probably hear from the bank in the +course of a few days or weeks, and it’s hardly worth while doing anything +eccentric in the meantime.” +</p> + +<p> +At this delicately-worded proposal I was about to shake hands with myself in +agreement, when the memory of Tcheng How’s resolute submission again +possessed me, and seeing that this would be an unworthy betrayal of destiny I +turned aside the action, and replying evasively that the world was too small to +hold himself and another equally magnanimous, I again sought his advice. +</p> + +<p> +“Now what silly upside-down idea is it that you’ve got into that +Chinese puzzle you call your head, Kong?” he replied; for this same +William was one who habitually gilded unpalatable truths into the semblance of +a flattering jest. “Whenever you turn off what you are saying into a +willow-pattern compliment and bow seventeen times like an animated mandarin, I +know that you are keeping something back. Be a man and a brother, and out with +it,” and he struck me heavily upon the left shoulder, which among the +barbarians is a proof of cordiality to be esteemed much above the mere wagging +of each other’s hands. +</p> + +<p> +“In the matter of guidance,” I replied, “this person is ready +to sit unreservedly on your well-polished feet. But touching the borrowing of +money, obligations to restore with an added sum after a certain period, +initial-bearing papers of doubtful import, and the like, I have read too deeply +the pointed records of your own printed sheets not to prefer an existence +devoted to the scraping together of dust at the street corners, rather than a +momentary affluence which in the end would betray me into the tiger-like +voracity of a native money-lender.” +</p> + +<p> +“Well, you do me proud, Kong,” said William Beveledge, after +regarding me fixedly for a moment. “If I didn’t remember that you +are a flat-faced, slant-eyed, top-side-under, pig-tailed old heathen, I should +be really annoyed at your unwarrantable personalities. Do you take ME for what +you call a ‘native money-lender’?” +</p> + +<p> +“The pronouncements of destiny are written in iron,” I replied +inoffensively, “and it is as truly said that one fated to end his life in +a cave cannot live for ever on the top of a pagoda. Undoubtedly as one born and +residing here you are native, and as inexorably it succeeds that if you lend me +pieces of gold you become a money-lender. Therefore, though honourably inspired +at the first, you would equally be drawn into the entanglement of circumstance, +and the unevadible end must inevitably be that against which your printed +papers consistently warn one.” +</p> + +<p> +“And what is that?” asked Beveledge Greyson, still regarding me +closely, as though I were a creature of another part. +</p> + +<p> +“At first,” I replied, “there would be an alluring snare of +graceful words, tea, and the consuming of paper-rolled herbs, and the matter +would be lightly spoken of as capable of an easy adjustment; which, indeed, it +cannot be denied, is how the detail stands at present. The next position would +be that this person, finding himself unable to gather together the equivalent +of return within the stated time, would greet you with a very supple neck and +pray for a further extension, which would be permitted on the understanding +that in the event of failure his garments and personal charms should be held in +bondage. To escape so humiliating a necessity, as the time drew near I would +address myself to another, one calling himself William, perchance, and dwelling +in a northern province, to whom I would be compelled to assign my peach-orchard +at Yuen-ping. Then by varying degrees of infamy I would in turn be driven to +visit a certain Bevel of the Middle Lands, a person Edge carrying on his +insatiable traffic on the southern coast, one Grey elsewhere, and a Mr. Son, of +the west, who might make an honourable profession of lending money without any +security whatever, but who in the end would possess himself of my ancestral +tablets, wives, and inlaid coffin, and probably also obtain a lien upon my +services and prosperity in the Upper Air. Then, when I had parted from all +comfort in this life, and every hope of affluence in the Beyond, it would +presently be disclosed that all these were in reality as one person who had +unceasingly plotted to my destruction, and William Beveledge Greyson would +stand revealed in the guise of a malevolent vampire. Truly that development has +at this moment an appearance of unreality, and worthy even of pooh-pooh, but +thus is the warning spread by your own printed papers and the records of your +Halls of Justice, and it would be an unseemly presumption for one of my +immature experience to ignore the outstretched and warning finger of +authority.” +</p> + +<p> +“Well, Kong,” he said at length, after considering my words +attentively, “I always thought that your mental outlook was a hash of +Black Art, paper lanterns, blank verse, twilight, and delirium tremens, but +hang me if you aren’t sound on finance, and I only wish that you’d +get some of my friends to look at the matter of borrowing in your own +reasonable, broad-minded light. The question is, what next?” +</p> + +<p> +I replied that I leaned heavily against his sagacious insight, adding, however, +that even among a nation of barbarians one who could repeat the three hundred +and eleven poems comprising the Book of Odes from beginning to end, and claim +the degree “Assured Genius” would ever be certain of a place. +</p> + +<p> +“Yes,” replied William Greyson,—“in the workhouse. Put +your degree in your inside pocket, Kong, and don’t mention it. +You’ll have far more chance as a distressed mariner. The casual wards are +full of B.A.‘s, but the navy can’t get enough A.B.‘s at any +price. What do you say to an organ, by the way? Mysterious musicians generally +go down well, and I dare say there’s room for a change from veiled +ladies, persecuted captains and indigent earls. You ought to make a +sensation.” +</p> + +<p> +“Is it in the nature of melodious sounds upon winding a handle?” I +asked, not at the moment grasping with certainty to what organ he referred. +</p> + +<p> +“Well, some call them that,” he admitted, “others +don’t. I suppose, now, you wouldn’t care to walk to Brighton with +your feet tied together, or your hair in curl papers, and then get on at a +music hall? Or would there be any chance of your Legation kidnapping you if it +was properly worked? ‘Kong Ho, the great Chinese Reformer, tells the +Story of his Life,’—there ought to be money in it. Are you a +reformer or the leader of a secret society, Kong?” +</p> + +<p> +“On the contrary,” I replied, “we of our Line have ever been +unflinching in our loyalty to the dynasty of Tsing.” +</p> + +<p> +“You ought to have known better, then. It’s a poor business being +that in your country nowadays. Pity there are no bye-elections on the African +Labour Question, or you’d be snapped up for a procession.” +</p> + +<p> +To this I replied that although the idea of moving in a processional triumph +would readily ensnare the minds of the light and fantastic, I should prefer +some more literary occupation, submissively adding that in such a case I would +not stiffen my joints against the most menial lot, even that of blending my +voice in a laudatory chorus, or of carrying official pronouncements about the +walls of the city, for it is said with justice, “The starving man does +not peel his melon, nor do the parched first wipe round the edges of the +proffered cup.” +</p> + +<p> +“If you’ve set your mind on something literary,” said +Beveledge confidently, “you have every chance of finishing up in a chorus +or carrying printed placards about the streets, certainly. When it comes to +that, look me up in Eastcheap.” With this encouraging assurance of my +ultimate success he left me, and rejoicing that I had not fallen into the snare +of opposing a written destiny, I sought the literary quarters of the city. +</p> + +<hr /> + +<p> +When this person has been able to write of any custom or facet of existence +here in a strain of conscientious esteem, he has not hesitated to dip his brush +deeply into the inkpot. Reverting backwards, this barbarian enactment of not +permitting those who from any cause have decided upon spending the night in a +philosophical abstraction to repose upon the public seats about the swards and +open spaces is not conceived in a mood of affable toleration. Nevertheless +there are deserted places beyond the furthest limits of the city where a more +amiable full-face is shown. On the eleventh day of this one’s +determination to sustain himself by the exercise of his literary style, he was +journeying about sunset towards one of these spots, subduing the grosser +instincts of mankind by reviewing the wisdom of the sublime Lao Ch’un, +who decided that heat and cold, pain and fatigue, and mental distress, have no +real existence, and are therefore amenable to logical disproof, while the +cravings of hunger and thirst are merely the superfluous attributes of a former +and lower state of existence, when a passer-by, who for some distance had been +alternately advancing before and remaining behind, matched his footsteps into +mine. +</p> + +<p> +“Whichee way walk-go, John, eh?” said this unfortunate being, who +appeared to be suffering from a laborious deformity of speech. “Allee +samee load me. Chin-chin.” +</p> + +<p> +Filled with compassion for one who evidently found himself alone in a strange +land, in the absence of his more highly-accomplished companion, unable to +indicate his wants and requirements to those about him, I regretfully admitted +that I had not chanced to encounter that John whose wandering footsteps he +sought; and to indicate, by not leaving him abruptly, that I maintained a +sympathetic concern over his welfare, I pointed out to him the exceptional +brilliance of the approaching night, adding that I myself was then directing a +course towards a certain spacious Heath, a few li distant in the north. +</p> + +<p> +“Sing-dance tomollow, then?” he said, with a condensed air of +general disappointment. “Chop-chop in a pay look-see show on +Ham—Hamstl—oh damme! on ‘Ampstead ‘Eath? Booked up, eh, +John?” +</p> + +<p> +Gradually convinced that it was becoming necessary to readjust the significance +of the incident, I replied that I had no intention of partaking of chops or +food of any variety in an erected tent, but merely of passing the night in an +intellectual seclusion. +</p> + +<p> +“Oh,” said the one who was walking by my side, regarding my +garments with engaging attention, and at the same time appearing to regain an +unruffled speech as though the other had been an assumed device, “I +understand—the Blue Sky Hotel. Well, I’ve stayed there once or +twice myself. A bit down on your uppers, eh?” +</p> + +<p> +“Assuredly this person may perchance lay his upper parts down for a short +space of time,” I admitted, when I had traced out the symbolism of the +words. “As it is humanely written in The Books, ‘Sleep and suicide +are the free refuges equally of the innocent and the guilty.’” +</p> + +<p> +“Oh, come now, don’t,” exclaimed the energetic person, +striking himself together by means of his two hands. “It’s sinful +to talk about suicide the day before bank holiday. Why, my only Somali warrior +has vamoosed with his full make-up, and the Magnetic Girl too, and I never +thought of suicide—only whether to turn my old woman into a Veiled Beauty +of the Harem or a Hairy Lama from Tibet.” +</p> + +<p> +Not absolutely grasping the emergency, yet in a spirit of inoffensive +cordiality I remarked that the alternative was insufferably perplexing, while +he continued. +</p> + +<p> +“Then I spotted you, and in a flash I got an idea that ought to take and +turn out really great if you’ll come in. Now follow this: +Missionary’s tent in the wilds of Pekin. Domestic interior by lamp-light. +Missionary (me) reading evening paper; missionary’s wife (the missus) +making tea, and between times singing to keep the small pet goat quiet (small +goat, a pillow, horsecloth, and pocket-handkerchief). Breaks down singing, +sobs, and says she feels a strange all-over presentiment. Missionary admits +being a bit fluffed himself, and lets out about a notice signed in blood that +he’s seen in the city.” +</p> + +<p> +“Carried upon a pole?” this person demanded, feeling that something +of a literary nature might yet be wrested into the incident. +</p> + +<p> +“On a flagstaff if you like,” conceded the other one magnanimously. +“A notice to the effect that it is the duty of every jack mother’s +son of them to douse the foreign devils, man, woman, and child, and especially +the talk-book pass-hat-round men. Also that he has had several brick-ends +heaved at him on his way back. Then stops suddenly, hits his upper crust, and +says that it’s like his blamed fat-headedness to frighten her; while she +clutches at herself three times and faints away.” +</p> + +<p> +“Amid the voluminous burning of blue lights?” suggested this person +resourcefully. +</p> + +<p> +“By rights there should be,” admitted the one who was devising the +representation; “but it will hardly run to it. Anyway, it costs nothing +to turn the lamp down—saves a bit in fact, and gives an effect. Then +outside, in the distance at first you understand, you begin to work up the +sound of the advancing mob—rattles, shouts, tum-tums, groans, tin plates +and all that one mortal man can do with hands, feet and mouth.” +</p> + +<p> +“With the interspersal of an occasional cracker and the stirring notes +produced by striking a hollow wooden fish repeatedly?” I cried; for let +it be confessed that amid the portrayal of the scene my imagination had taken +an allotted part. +</p> + +<p> +“If you like to provide them, and don’t set the bally show on +fire,” he replied. “Anyhow, these two aren’t supposed to +notice anything even when the row gets louder. Then it drops and you are heard +outside talking in whispers to the others—words of command and telling +them to keep back half-a-mo, and so on. See?” +</p> + +<p> +“Doubtless introducing a spoken charm and repeating the words of an +incantation against omens, treachery, and other matters.” +</p> + +<p> +“Next a flap of the tent down on the floor is raised, and you +reconnoitre, looking your very worst and holding a knife between your teeth and +another in each hand. Wave a hand to your followers to keep back—or come +on: it makes no difference. Then you crawl in on your stomach, give a terrific +howl, and stab me in the back. That rolls me under the curtain, and so lets me +out. The missus ups with the wood-chopper and stands before the cradle, while +you yell and dance round with the knives. That ought to be made ‘the +moment’ of the whole piece. The great thing is to make enough noise. If +you can yell louder than the talking-machine outfit on the next pitch we ought +to turn money away. While you are at it I start a fresh row +outside—shouts, cheers, groans, words of command and a paper bag or two. +Seeing that the game is up you make a rush at the old woman; she downs you with +the chopper, turns the lamp up full, shakes out a Union Jack over the sleeping +infant, and finally stands in her finest attitude with one hand pointing +impressively upwards and the other contemptuously downwards just as Rule +Britannia is played on the cornet outside and I appear at the door in a +general’s full uniform and let down the curtain.” +</p> + +<p> +For acting in the manner designated—as touching the noises both inside +and out, the set dance with upraised knives, the casting to earth of himself, +and being myself in turn vanquished by the aged female, with an added compact +that from time to time I should be led by a chain and shown to the people from +a raised platform—we agreed upon a daily reward of two pieces of silver, +an adequacy of food, and a certain ambiguously-referred-to share of the gain. +It need not be denied that with so favourable an opportunity of introducing +passages from the Classics a much less sum would have been accepted, but having +obtained this without a struggle, the one now recounting the facts raised the +opportune suggestion of an inscribed placard, in order to fulfil the portent +foreshadowed by William Greyson. +</p> + +<p> +“Oh, we’ll star you, never fear,” assented the accommodating +personage, and having by this time reached that spot upon the Heath where his +Domestic Altar had been raised, we entered. +</p> + +<p> +“All the most distinguished actors in this country take another +name,” he said reflectively, when he had drawn forth a parchment of +praiseworthy dimensions and ink of three colours, “and though I have +nothing to say against Kong Ho Tsin Cheng Quank Paik T’chun Li Yuen Nung +for quiet unostentatious dignity, it doesn’t have just the grip and +shudder that we want. Now how does ‘Fang’ strike you?” and +upon my courteous acquiescence that this indeed united within it those +qualities which he required, he traced its characters in red ink upon a lavish +scale. +</p> + +<p> +“‘Fang Hung Sin’ about fits the idea of snap and +bloodthirstiness, I should say,” he continued, and using the brush and +all the colours with an expert proficiency which would infallibly gain him an +early recognition at any of our competitive examinations, he presently laid +before me the following gracefully-composed notice, which was suspended from a +conspicuous pole about the door of the tent on the following day. +</p> + +<p class="center"> +FANG HUNG SIN<br/> +The Captured Boxer Chieftain.<br/> +<br/> +Under a strong guard, and by arrangement with the British and<br/> +Chinese authorities concerned,<br/> +<br/> +FANG HUNG SIN<br/> +<br/> +Will positively reënact the GORY SCENES of CARNAGE in which<br/> +he took a LEADING and SANGUINARY PART during the LATE RISING.<br/> +<br/> +ALONE IN PEKIN<br/> +Or, What a Woman can do.<br/> +<br/> +PANEL I. PEACE: The Missionary’s Tent by Night—All’s +Well—<br/> +The Dread Warning—“I am by your side, Beloved.”<br/> +<br/> +PANEL II. ALARM: The Signal—The Spy—The Mob Outside—<br/> +Treachery—“Save Yourself, my Darling”—“And +Leave<br/> +You? Never!”<br/> +<br/> +PANEL III. REVENGE: The Attack—The Blow Falls—Who Can Save<br/> +Her Now?—“Back, Renegade Viper!”—The English Guns<br/> +—“Rule Britannia!”<br/> +<br/> +FANG HUNG SIN, The Desperado.<br/> +There is only one FANG, and he must be seen.<br/> +FANG! FANG!! FANG!!! +</p> + +<p> +I will not upon this occasion, esteemed one, delay myself with an account of +this barbarian Festival of Lanterns; or, as their language would convey it, +Feast of Cocoa-nuts, beyond admitting that with the possible exception of an +important provincial capital during the triennial examinations I doubt whether +our own unapproachable Empire could show a more impressively-extended +gathering, either in the diverse and ornamental efflorescence of head garb, in +the affectionate display openly lavished by persons of one sex towards those of +the other, or even one more successful in our own pre-eminent art of producing +the multitudinous harmony of conflicting sounds. +</p> + +<p> +At the appointed hour this person submitted himself to be heavily shackled, and +being led out before the assembled crowd, endeavoured by a smiling benignity of +manner and by reassuring signs of welcome, to produce a favourable impression +upon their sympathies and to allure them within. This pacific face was +undoubtedly successful, however offensively the ill-conditioned one who stood +by was inspired to express himself behind his teeth, for the space of the tent +was very quickly occupied and the actions of simulation were to begin. +</p> + +<p> +Without doubt it might have been better if this person had first made himself +more fully acquainted with the barbarian manner of acting. The fact that this +imagined play, which even in one of our inferior theatres would have filled the +time pleasantly for two or three months, was to be compressed into the narrow +limits of seven minutes and a half, should reasonably have warned him that amid +the ensuing rapidity of word and action, most of the leisurely courtesies and +all the subtle range of concealed emotion which embellish our own wood pavement +must be ignored. But it is well and suggestively written, “The person who +deliberates sufficiently before taking every step will spend his life standing +upon one leg.” In the past this one had not found himself to be grossly +inadequate on any arising emergency, and he now drew aside the hanging drapery +and prepared to carry out a preconcerted part with intrepid self-reliance. +</p> + +<p> +It has already been expressed, that the reason and incentive urging me to a +ready agreement lay in the opportunities by which suitable passages from the +high Classics could be discreetly woven into the fabric of the plot, and the +occupation thereby permeated with an honourable literary flavour. In accordance +with this resolve I blended together many imperishable sayings of the wisest +philosophers to present the cries and turmoil of the approaching mob, but it +was not until I protruded my head beneath the hanging canopy in the guise of +one observing that an opportunity arose of a really well-sustained effort. In +this position I recited Yung Ki’s stimulating address to his troops when +in sight of an overwhelming foe, and, in spite of the continually back-thrust +foot of the undiscriminating one before me, I successfully accomplished the +seventy-five lines of the poem without a stumble. Then entering fully, with +many deprecatory bows and expressions of self-abasement at taking part in so +seemingly detestable an action, I treacherously, yet with inoffensive tact, +struck the one wearing an all-round collar delicately upon the back. Not +recognising the movement, or being in some other way obtuse, the person in +question instead of sinking to the ground turned hastily to me in the form of +an inquiry, leaving me no other reasonable course than to display the knife +openly to him, and to assure him that the fatal blow had already been +inflicted. Undoubtedly his immoderate retorts were inept at such a moment, nor +was his ensuing strategy of turning completely round three times, striking +himself about the head and body, and uttering ceremonious curses before he fell +devoid of life—as though the earlier remarks had been part of the +ordained scheme—to any degree convincing, and the cries of disapproval +from the onlookers proved that they also regarded this one as the victim of an +unworthy rebuke. +</p> + +<p> +“Not if the benches were filled at half a guinea a head would I take on +another performance like that,” exclaimed the one with whom I was +associated, when it was over. “Besides the dead loss of lasting three +quarters of an hour it’s tempting providence when the seats are movable. +I suppose it isn’t your fault, Kong, you poor creature, but you +haven’t got no glare and glitter. There’s only one thing for it: +you must be the Rev. Mr. Walker and I’ll take Fang.” He then robed +himself in my attire, guided me among the intricacies of the all-round collar +and outer garments in exchange, hung a slender rope about his back, and after +completing the artifice by a skilful device of massing coloured inks upon our +faces, he commanded me to lead him out by a chain and observe intelligently how +a captive Boxer chief should disport himself. +</p> + +<p> +No sooner had we reached the platform than the one whom I controlled leapt high +into the air, dragged me to the edge of the erection, showed his teeth towards +the assembly and waved his arms menacingly at them; then turning upon this +person, he inflamed his face with passion, rattled his chain furiously, and +uttered such vengeance-laden cries that, unable to subdue the emotion of fear, +I abandoned all pretence, and dropping the chain, fled to the furthest recess +of the tent, followed by the still threatening Fang. +</p> + +<p> +There is an expression among us, “Cheng-hu was too considerate: he tried +to drive nails with a cucumber.” Cheng-hu would certainly have quickly +found the necessity of a weapon of three-times hardened steel if he had lived +among these barbarians, who are insensible to the higher forms of politeness, +in addition to acting in a contrary and illogical manner on all occasions. +Instead of being repelled and discouraged by Fang’s outrageous behaviour, +they clamoured to be admitted into the tent more vehemently than before, and so +successfully established the venture that the one to whom I must now allude +throughout as Fang signified to me his covetous intention of reducing the +performance by a further two and a half minutes in order to reap an added +profit and to garner all his rice before the Hoang Ho rose. +</p> + +<p> +As for myself, revered, it would be immature to hold the gauze screen of +prevarication between your all-discerning mind and my own trepidation. From the +moment when I first saw the expression of utterly depraved malignity and +deep-seared hate which he had cunningly engraved upon his face by means of the +coloured inks, I was far from being comfortably settled within myself. Even the +society of the not inelegant being of the inner chamber, whom it was now my +part to console with alluring words and movements, could not for some time +retain my face from a back-way instinct at every sound; but when the detail was +reached that she sank into my grasp bereft of all energy, and for the first +time I was just succeeding in forgetting the unpropitious surroundings, the one +Fang, who had entered with unseemly stealth, suddenly hurled his soul-freezing +battle-cry upon my ear and leapt forward with uplifted knife. Perceiving the +action from an angle of my eye even as he propelled himself through the air, I +could not restrain an ignoble wail of despair, and not scrupling to forsake the +maiden, I would have taken refuge beneath a couch had he not seized my outer +robe and hurled me to the ground. From this point to the close of the +entertainment the vigorous person in question did not cease from raising cries +and challenges in an unfaltering and many-fathomed stream, while at the same +time he continued to spring from one extremity of the stage to the other +surrounded by every external attribute of an insatiable tiger-like rage. It is +circumstantially related that the one near at hand, who has been referred to as +possessing a voiced machine, became demented, and bearing the contrivance to a +certain tent erected by the charitable, entreated them to remove the impediment +from its speech so that it might be heard again and his livelihood restored. +When the action of brandishing a profusion of knives before the lesser +one’s eyes was reached, so nerve-shattering was the impression which Fang +created that the back of the tent had to be removed in order to let out those +who no longer had possession of themselves, and to let in those—to a +ten-fold degree—who strove for admission on the rumour spreading that +something exceptionally repellent was progressing within. +</p> + +<p> +With what attenuated organs of repose this person would have reached the end of +so strenuous an occupation had he been compelled to twelve enactments each hour +throughout the gong-strokes of the day without any literary relief, it is not +enticing to dwell upon. This evil was averted by a timely intervention, for +upon proceeding to the outer air for the third time I at once perceived among +the foremost throng the engaging full-face of William Beveledge Greyson. This +really painstaking individual had learned, as he afterwards explained, that the +chiefs of exchange (those who in the first case had opposed me resolutely,) had +received a written omen, and now in contrition were expressing their +willingness to hold out a full restitution. With this assurance he had set +forth in an unremitting search, and guided by street-watchers, removers of +superfluous earth, families propelling themselves forward upon one foot, +astrologers, two-wheeled charioteers, and others who move early and secretly by +night, he had traced my description to this same Heath. Here he had been +attracted by the displayed placard (remembering my honourable boast), and +approaching nearer, he had plainly recognised my voice within. But in spite of +this the successful disentanglement was by no means yet accomplished. +</p> + +<p> +Not expecting so involved a reversal of things, and being short-eyed by nature, +William Greyson did not wait for a fuller assurance than to be satisfied that +the one before him wore my robes and conformed in a general outline, before he +addressed him. +</p> + +<p> +“Kong Ho,” he said pleasantly, “what the Chief Evil Spirit +are you doing up there?” adding persuasively, “Come down, +there’s a good fellow. I have something important to tell you.” +</p> + +<p> +Thus appealed to, the one Fang hesitated in doubt, seeing on the one hand a +certain loss of face if he declined the conversation, and on the other hand +having no clear perception of what was required from him. Therefore he entered +upon a course of evasion and somewhat incapably replied, “Chow Chop Wei +Hai Wei Lung Tung Togo Kuroki Jim Jam Beri Beri.” +</p> + +<p> +“Don’t act the horned sheep,” said Beveledge, who was both +resolute and one easily set into violent motion by an opposing stream. +“Come down, or I’ll come up and fetch you.” And not being +satisfied with Fang’s ill-advised attempt to express himself equivocally, +those around took up the apt similitude of a self-opinionated animal, and began +to suggest a comparison to other creatures no less degraded. +</p> + +<p> +“Rats yourselves!” exclaimed the easily-inflamed person at my side, +losing the inefficient cords of his prudence beneath the sting. +“Who’s a rabbit? For two guinea-pigs I’d mow all the grass +between here and the Spaniards with your own left ears,” and not +permitting me sufficient preparation to withhold the chain more firmly, he +abruptly cast himself down among them, amid a scene of the most untamed +confusion. +</p> + +<p> +“Oh, affectionately-disposed brethren,” I exclaimed, moving forward +and raising my hand in refined disapproval, “the sublime Confucius, in +the twenty-third chapter of the book called ‘The Great Learning,’ +warns us against—” but before I could formulate the allusion +Beveledge Greyson, who at the sound of my conciliatory words had gazed first in +astonishment and then in a self-convulsed position, drew himself up to my side, +and taking a firm grasp upon the all-round collar, projected me without a pause +through the tent, and only halting for a moment to point significantly back to +the varied and animated scene behind, where, amid a very profuse display of +contending passions, the erected stage was already being dragged to the ground, +and a band of the official watch was in the act of converging from every side, +he led me through more deserted paths to the scene of a final extrication. +</p> + +<p> +With a well-gratified sense of having held an unswerving course along the +convoluted outline of Destiny’s decree, to whatever tending. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="link2H_4_0016" id="link2H_4_0016"></a> +LETTER XIV</h2> + +<p class="letter"> +Concerning a pressing invitation from an ever benevolently- disposed father to +a prosaic but dutifully-inclined son. The recording of certain matters of no +particular moment. Concerning that ultimate end which is symbolic of the +inexorable wheels of a larger Destiny. +</p> + +<p> +Venerated Sire,—It is not for the earthworm to say when and in what exact +position the iron-shod boot shall descend, and this person, being an even +inferior creature for the purpose of the comparison, bows an acquiescent neck +to your very explicit command that he shall return to Yuen-ping without delay. +He cannot put away from his mind a clinging suspicion that this arising is the +result of some imperfection in his deplorable style of correspondence, whereby +you have formed an impression quite opposed to that which it had been the +intention to convey, and that, perchance, you even have a secret doubt whether +upon some specified occasion he may not have conducted the enterprise to an +ignoble, or at least not markedly successful, end. However, the saying runs, +“The stone-cutter always has the last word,” and you equally, by +intimating with your usual unanswerable and clear-sighted gift of logic that no +further allowance of taels will be sent for this one’s dispersal, +diplomatically impose upon an ever-yearning son the most feverish anxiety once +more to behold your large and open-handed face. +</p> + +<p> +Standing thus poised, as it may be said, for a returning flight across the +elements of separation, it is not inopportune for this person to let himself +dwell gracefully upon those lighter points of recollection which have engraved +themselves from time to time upon his mind without leading to any more +substantial adventure worthy to record. Many of the things which seemed strange +and incomprehensible when he first came among this powerful though admittedly +barbarian people, are now revealed at a proper angle; others, to which he +formerly imagined he had found the disclosing key, are, on the other hand, +plunged into a distorting haze; while between these lie a multitude of details +in every possible stage of disentanglement and doubt. As a final and +painstaking pronouncement, this person has no hesitation in declaring that this +country is not—as practically all our former travellers have +declared—completely down-side-up as compared with our own manners and +customs, but at the same time it is very materially sideways. +</p> + +<p> +Thus, instead of white, black robes are the indication of mourning; but as, for +the generality, the same colour is also used for occasions of commerce, +ceremony, religion, and the ordinary affairs of life, the matter remains +exactly as it was before. Yet with obtuse inconsistency the garments usually +white—in which a change would be really noticeable—remain white +throughout the most poignant grief. How much more markedly expressed would be +the symbolism if during such a period they wore white outer robes and black +body garments. Nevertheless it cannot be said that they are unmindful of the +emblematic influence of colour, for, unlike the reasonable conviction that red +is red and blue is blue, which has satisfied our great nation from the days of +the legendary Shun, these pale-eyed foreigners have diverged into countless +trifling imaginings, so that when the one who is now expressing his contempt +for the development required a robe of a certain hue, he had to bend his mouth, +before he could be exactly understood, to the degrading necessity of asking for +“Drowned-rat brown,” “Sunstroke magenta,” +“Billingsgate purple,” “London milk azure,” +“Settling-day green,” or the like. In the other signs of mourning +they do not come within measurable distance of our pure and uncomfortable +standard. “If you are really sincere in your regret for the one who has +Passed Beyond, why do you not sit upon the floor for seven days and nights, +take up all food with your fingers, and allow your nails to grow untrimmed for +three years?” was a question which I at first instinctively put to lesser +ones in their affliction. In every case save one I received answers of evasive +purport, and even the one stated reason, “Because although I am a poor +widder I ain’t a pig,” I deemed shallow. +</p> + +<p> +I have already dipped a revealing brush into the subject of names. Were the +practice of applying names in a wrong and illogical sequence maintained +throughout it might indeed raise a dignified smile, but it would not appear +contemptible; but what can be urged when upon an occasion one name appears +first, upon another occasion last? A dignity is conferred in old age, and it is +placed before the family designation borne by an honoured father and a direct +line of seventeen revered ancestors. Another title is bestowed, and eats up the +former like a revengeful dragon. New distinctions follow, some at one end, +others at another, until a very successful person may be suitably compared to +the ringed oleander snake, which has the power of growing equally from either +the head or the tail. To express the matter by a definite allusion, how much +more graceful and orchideous, even in a condensed fashion, would appear the +designation of this selected one, if instead of the usual form of the country +it was habitually set forth in the following logical and thoroughly Chinese +style:—Chamberlain Joseph, Master, Mr., Thrice Wearer of the Robes and +Golden Collar, One of the Just Peacemakers, Esquire, Member of the House of +Law-givers, Leader in the Council of Commerce, Presider over the Tables of +Provincial Government, Uprightly Honourable Secretary of the Outlying Parts. +</p> + +<p> +Among the notes which at various times I have inscribed in a book for future +guidance I find it written on an early page, “They do not hesitate to +express their fathers’ names openly,” but to this assertion there +stands a warning sign which was added after the following incident. “Is +it true, Mr. Kong,” asked a lesser one, who is spoken of as vastly rich +but discontented with her previous lot, of this person upon an occasion, +“is it really true that your countrymen to not consider it right to speak +of their fathers’ names, even in this enlightened age?” To this I +replied that the matter was as she had eloquently expressed it, and, encouraged +by her amiable condescension, I asked after the memory of her paternal +grandsire, whose name I had frequently heard whispered in connection with her +own. To my inelegant confusion she regarded me for a period as though I had the +virtue of having become transparent, and then passed on in a most overwhelming +excess of disconcertingly-arranged silence. +</p> + +<p> +“You’ve done it now, Kong,” said one who stood by (or, as we +would express the same thought, “You have succeeded in accomplishing the +undesirable”); “don’t you know that the old man was in the +tripe and trotter line?” +</p> + +<p> +“To no degree,” I replied truly. “Yet,” I continued, +matching his idiom with another equally facile, “wherein was this +person’s screw loose? Are they not openly referred to—those of the +Line of Tripe and Trotter—by their descendants?” +</p> + +<p> +“Not in most cases,” he said, with a concentration that indicated a +lurking sting among his words. “Generally speaking, they aren’t +mentioned or taken into any account whatever. While they are alive they are +kept in the background and invited to treat themselves to the Tower when nice +people are expected; when dead they are fastened up in the family back cupboard +by a score of ten-inch nails and three-trick Yale locks, so to speak. And in +the meantime all the splash is being made on their muddy oof. See?” +</p> + +<p> +I nodded agreeably, though, had the opportunity been more favourable, I would +have made the feint to learn somewhat more of this secret practice of burying +in the enclosed space beneath the stairs. Thus is it set forth why, after the +statement, “They do not hesitate to express their fathers’ names +openly,” it is further written, “Walk slowly! Engrave well upon +your discreet remembrance the unmentionable Line of Tripe and Trotter.” +</p> + +<p> +Another point of comparison which the superficial have failed to record is to +be found in the frequent encouragements to regard The Virtues which are to be +seen, like our own Confucian extracts, freely inscribed on every wall and +suitable place about the city. These for the most part counsel moderation in +taking false oaths, in stepping heedlessly upon the unknown ground, in +following paths which lead to doubtful ends, and other timely warnings. +“Beware a smoke-breathing demon,” is frequently cast across +one’s path upon a barrier, and this person has never failed to accept the +omen and to retrace his steps hastily without looking to the right or the left. +Even our own national caution is not forgotten, although to conform to +barbarian indolence it is written, “Slowly, slowly; drive slowly.” +“Keep to the Right” (or, “Abandon that which is evil,” +as the analogy holds,) is perhaps the most frequently displayed of all, and +doubtless many charitable persons obtain an ever-accruing merit by hanging the +sign bearing these words upon every available post. Others are of a stern and +threatening nature, designed to make the most hardened ill-doer pause, +as—in their own tongue—“Rubbish may be shot here”; +which we should render, “At any moment, and in such a place as this, a +just doom and extinction may overtake the worthless.” This inscription is +never to be seen except in waste expanses, where it points its significance +with a multiplied force. There is another definite threat which is lavishly set +out, and so thoroughly that it may be encountered in the least frequented and +almost inaccessible spots. This, as it may be translated, reads, +“Trespass not the forbidden. The profligate may flourish like the gourd +for a season, but in the end assuredly they will be detected, and justice meted +out with the relentless fury of the written law.” +</p> + +<p> +In a converse position, the wide difference in the ceremonial forms of +retaliatory invective has practically disarmed this usually eloquent person, +and he long since abandoned every hope of expressing himself with any +satisfaction in encounters of however acrimonious a trend. At first, with an +urbane smile and gestures of dignified contempt, he impugned the authenticity +of the Ancestral Tablets of those with whom he strove, in an unbroken stream of +most bitter contumely. Finding them silent under this reproach, he next lightly +traced their origin back through generations of afflicted lepers, deformed +ape-beings, and Nameless Things, to a race of primitive ghouls, and then went +on in relentless fluency to predict an early return in their descendants to the +condition of a similar state. For some time he had a well-gratified assurance +that those whom he assailed were so overwhelmed as to be incapable of retort, +and in this belief he never failed to call upon passers-by to witness his +triumph; but on the fourth occasion a young man whom I had thus publicly +denounced for a sufficient though forgotten reason, after listening courteously +to my venomous accusations, bestowed a two-cash piece upon me and passed on, +remarking that it was hard, and those around, also, would have added from their +stores had it been permitted. From this time onward I did not attempt to make +myself disagreeable either in public or to those whom I esteemed privately. On +the other hand, the barbarian manner of retort did not find me endowed by +nature to parry it successfully. Quite lacking in measured periods, it aims, by +an extreme rapidity of thrust and an insincerity of sequence, to entangle the +one who is assailed in a complication of arising doubts and emotions. +“Who are you,—no one but yourself,” exclaimed a hireling of +hung-dog expression who claimed to have exchanged pledging gifts with a certain +maiden who stood, as it were, between us, and falling into the snare, I +protested warmly against the insult, and strove to disprove the inference +before the paralogism lay revealed. Throughout the whole range of the Odes, the +Histories, the Analects, and the Rites what recognised formula of rejoinder is +there to the taunt, “Oh, go and put your feet in mustard and +cress”; or how can one, however skilled in the highest Classics, parry +the subtle inconsistencies of the reproach, “You’re a nice bit of +orl right, aren’t you? Not arf, I don’t think.” +</p> + +<p> +Among the arts of this country that of painting upon canvas is held in repute, +but to a person associated with the masterpieces of the Ma epoch these native +attempts would be gravity-dispelling if they were not too reminiscent of the +torture chamber. It is rarely, indeed, that even the most highly-esteemed +picture-makers succeed in depicting every portion of a human body submitted to +their brush, and not infrequently half of the face is left out. Once, when +asked by a paint-applier who was entitled to append two signs of exceptional +distinction behind his name, to express an opinion upon a finished work, I +diffidently called his attention to the fact that he had forgotten to introduce +a certain exalted one’s left ear. “Not at all, Mr. Kong,” he +replied, with an expression of ill-merited self-satisfaction, “but it is +hidden by the face.” “Yet it exists,” I contended; “why +not, therefore, press it to the front at all hazard, rather than send so great +a statesman down into the annals of posterity as deformed to that +extent?” “It certainly exists,” he admitted, “and one +takes that for granted; but in my picture it cannot be seen.” I bowed +complaisantly, content to let so damaging an admission point its own despair. A +moment later I continued, “In the great Circular Hall of the Palace of +Envoys there is a picture of two camels, foot-tethered, as it fortunately +chanced, to iron rings. Formerly there were a drove of eight—the others +being free—so exquisitely outlined in all their parts that one night, +when the door had been left incautiously open, they stepped down from the wall +and escaped to the woods. How deplorable would have been the plight of these +unfortunate beings, if upon passing into the state of a living existence they +had found that as a result of the limited vision of their creator they only +possessed twelve legs and three whole bodies among them.” +</p> + +<p> +Perchance this tactfully-related story, so applicable to his own deficiencies, +may sink into the imagination of the one for whom it was inoffensively +unfolded. Yet doubt remains. Our own picture-judgers take up a position at the +side of work when they with to examine its qualities, retiring to an +ever-diminishing angle in order to bring out the more delicate effects, until a +very expert and conscientious critic will not infrequently stand really behind +the picture he is considering before he delivers a final pronouncement. Not +until these native artists are able to regard their crude attempts from the +other side of the canvas can they hope to become equally proficient. To this +fatal shortcoming must be added that of insatiable ambition, which prompts the +young to the portrayal of widely differing subjects. Into the picture-room of +one who might thus be described this person was recently conducted, to pass an +opinion upon a scene in which were depicted seven men of varying nationalities +and appropriately garbed, one of the opposing sex carrying a lighted torch, an +elephant reclining beneath a fruitful vine, and the President of a Republic. +For a period this person resisted the efforts of those who would have +questioned him, withdrawing their attention to the harmonious lights upon the +river mist floating far below, but presently, being definitely called upon, he +replied as follows: “Mih Ying, who was perhaps the greatest of his time, +spent his whole life in painting green and yellow beetles in the act of +concealing themselves beneath dead maple leaves upon the approach of day. At +the age of seventy-five he burst into tears, and upon being approached for a +cause he exclaimed, ‘Alas, if only this person had resisted the +temptation to be diffuse, and had confined himself to green beetles alone, he +might now, instead of contemplating a misspent career, have been really +great.’ How much less,” I continued, “can a person of +immature moustaches hope to depict two such conflicting objects as a recumbent +elephant and the President of a Republic standing beneath a banner?” +</p> + +<p> +Upon the temptation to deal critically with the religious instincts of the +islanders this person draws an obliterating brush. As practically every +traveller who has honoured our unattractive land with his effusive presence has +subsequently left it in a printed record that our ceremonies are grotesque, our +priesthood ignorant and depraved, our monasteries and sacred places spots of +plague upon an otherwise flower-adorned landscape, and our beliefs and +sacrifices only worthy to exist for the purpose of being made into jest-origins +by more refined communities, the omission on this one’s part may appear +uncivil and perhaps even intentionally discourteous. To this, as a burner of +joss-sticks and an irregular person, he can only reply by a deprecatory waving +of both hands and a reassuring smile. +</p> + +<p> +With the two-sided memories of many other details hanging thickly around his +brush, it would not be an achievement to continue to a practically +inexhaustible amount. As of the set days when certain things are observed, +among which fall the first of the fourth month (but that would disclose another +involvement), another when flat cakes are partaken of without due caution, +another when rounder cakes are even more incautiously consumed, and that most +brightly-illuminated of all when it is permissible to embrace maidens openly, +and if discreetly accomplished with no overhanging fear of ensuing forms of +law, beneath the emblem of a suspended branch, in memory of the wisdom of +certain venerable sages who were doubtless expert in the practice. As of the +inconvenient custom when two persons are walking together that they should +arrange themselves side by side, to the obvious discomfort of others, the +sweeping away of all opportunities for agreeable politeness, and the utter +disregard of the time-honoured example of the sagacious water-fowl. As of the +inconsistency of refusing, even with contempt, to receive our most intimate +form of regard and use this person’s lip-cloth after a feast, yet the +mulish eagerness in that same youth to drink from a cup previously used by a +lesser one. As of the precision (which still remains a cloud of doubt,) with +which creatures so intractable as the bull are successfully trained to roar +aloud at certain gong-strokes of the day as an agreed signal. As of the streets +in movement, the lights at evening, and the voices of those unseen. As of these +and as of other matters, so multitudinous that they crowd about this +person’s mind like the assembling swallows, circling above the deserted +millet fields before they turn their beaks to the sea, and dropping his brush +(perchance with an acquiescent sigh), he, also, kow-tows submissively to a +blind but appointed destiny, and prepares to seek a passage from an alien land +of sojourning. +</p> + +<p> +With the impetuous craving of an affectionate son to behold a revered sire, +intensified by the fact that he has reached the innermost lining of his sleeve; +with affectionate greetings towards Ning, Hia-Fa, and T’ian Yen, and an +assurance that they have never been really absent from his thoughts. +</p> + +<p class="right"> +KONG HO. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 1077 ***</div> +</body> + +</html> diff --git a/1077-h/images/cover.jpg b/1077-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2b645a8 --- /dev/null +++ b/1077-h/images/cover.jpg |
