diff options
Diffstat (limited to '10573-h')
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/10573-h.htm | 7749 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/001.jpg | bin | 0 -> 118336 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/002.jpg | bin | 0 -> 113064 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/003.jpg | bin | 0 -> 84065 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/004.jpg | bin | 0 -> 93569 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/005.jpg | bin | 0 -> 150343 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/006.jpg | bin | 0 -> 85019 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/007.jpg | bin | 0 -> 137963 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/008.jpg | bin | 0 -> 159479 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/009.jpg | bin | 0 -> 104078 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/010.jpg | bin | 0 -> 147846 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/011.jpg | bin | 0 -> 101667 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/012.jpg | bin | 0 -> 91480 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/013.jpg | bin | 0 -> 100707 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/014.jpg | bin | 0 -> 78984 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/015.jpg | bin | 0 -> 111409 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/016.jpg | bin | 0 -> 173470 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/017.jpg | bin | 0 -> 133680 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/018.jpg | bin | 0 -> 100942 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/019.jpg | bin | 0 -> 91335 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/020.jpg | bin | 0 -> 93638 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/021.jpg | bin | 0 -> 102995 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/022.jpg | bin | 0 -> 83375 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/023.jpg | bin | 0 -> 130252 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/024.jpg | bin | 0 -> 143432 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/025.jpg | bin | 0 -> 72406 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/026.jpg | bin | 0 -> 116064 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/027.jpg | bin | 0 -> 86892 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/028.jpg | bin | 0 -> 113315 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/029.jpg | bin | 0 -> 93712 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/030.jpg | bin | 0 -> 102808 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/031.jpg | bin | 0 -> 93598 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/032.jpg | bin | 0 -> 95611 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/033.jpg | bin | 0 -> 158662 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/cover.jpg | bin | 0 -> 142703 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/frontis.jpg | bin | 0 -> 102857 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10573-h/images/title.jpg | bin | 0 -> 45414 bytes |
37 files changed, 7749 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/10573-h/10573-h.htm b/10573-h/10573-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a10f51f --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/10573-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,7749 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + <head> + <title> + Ship's Company, complete + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 2em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + pre { font-family: Times; font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + // +</style> + </head> + <body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10573 ***</div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="cover.jpg (139K)" src="images/cover.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="title.jpg (44K)" src="images/title.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="frontis.jpg (100K)" src="images/frontis.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </p> + <h2> + CONTENTS + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <a href="#linkc1">Fine Feathers</a><br /><br /> <a href="#linkc2">Friends + in Need</a><br /><br /> <a href="#linkc3">Good Intentions</a><br /><br /> <a + href="#linkc4">Fairy Gold</a><br /><br /> <a href="#linkc5">Watch-Dogs</a><br /><br /> + <a href="#linkc6">The Bequest</a><br /><br /> <a href="#linkc7">The Guardian + Angel</a><br /><br /> <a href="#linkc8">Dual Control</a><br /><br /> <a + href="#linkc9">Skilled Assistance</a><br /><br /> <a href="#linkc10">For + Better or Worse</a><br /><br /> <a href="#linkc11">The Old Man of The Sea</a><br /><br /> + <a href="#linkc12">"Manners Makyth Man"</a><br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h2> + ILLUSTRATIONS + </h2> + <h4> + FROM DRAWINGS BY WILL OWEN + </h4> + <p> + <br /> <a href="#link001">"Can I 'ave it took off while I eat my bloater, + mother?"</a><br /> <a href="#link002">"Been paddlin'?” he inquired</a><br /> + <a href="#link003">"Cheer up,” said Mr George Brown</a><br /> <a + href="#link004">Mr Gibbs, with his back against the post, fought for + nearly half an hour</a><br /> <a href="#link005">"Where is he?” she gasped</a><br /> + <a href="#link006">"Gone!” exclaimed both gentlemen “Where?"</a><br /> <a + href="#link007">"Why was wimmen made? Wot good are they?"</a><br /> <a + href="#link008">"As far as I'm concerned he can take this lady to a + music-'all every night"</a><br /> <a href="#link009">Mr Chase, with his + friend in his powerful grasp, was doing his best</a><br /> <a + href="#link010">"What on earth's the matter?” she inquired</a><br /> <a + href="#link011">"As I was a-saying, kindness to animals is all very well"</a><br /> + <a href="#link012">"The quietest man o' the whole lot was Bob Pretty"</a><br /> + <a href="#link013">"Some of 'em went and told Mr Bunnett some more things + about Bob next day"</a><br /> <a href="#link014">"Bob Pretty lifted 'is + foot and caught Joseph one behind"</a><br /> <a href="#link015">"Me?” said + the other, with a gasp “Me?"</a><br /> <a href="#link016">"Evening, Bob,” + he said, in stricken accents</a><br /> <a href="#link017">"Just what I told + her,” said Mr Digson “What'll please you will be sure...</a><br /> <a + href="#link018">"She'll be riding in her carriage and pair in six months"</a><br /> + <a href="#link019">"The lodger was standing at the foot o' bed, going + through 'is pockets"</a><br /> <a href="#link020">“'We thought you might + want it, Sam,' ses Peter"</a><br /> <a href="#link021">A very faint squeeze + in return decided him</a><br /> <a href="#link022">He felt the large and + clumsy hand of Mr Butler take him by the collar</a><br /> <a href="#link023">"I + tell you, I am as innercent as a new-born babe"</a><br /> <a href="#link024">"And + next moment I went over back'ards in twelve foot of water"</a><br /> <a + href="#link025">His friend complied</a><br /> <a href="#link026">"You tell + 'er that there's two gentlemen here what have brought her news"</a><br /> + <a href="#link027">"Don't you know me, Mary?"</a><br /> <a href="#link028">"If + I take you back again,” repeated his wife, “are you going to behave?"</a><br /> + <a href="#link029">"What I want you to do,” said Mr George Wright, “is to + be an uncle to me"</a><br /> <a href="#link030">"It'll do to go on with,” + he said</a><br /> <a href="#link031">"'Ow much did you say you'd got in the + bank?"</a><br /> <a href="#link032">"'Gal overboard!' I ses, shouting"</a><br /> + <a href="#link033">"Arter trying his 'ardest, he could only rock me a bit"</a><br /> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <a name="linkc1" id="linkc1"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + FINE FEATHERS + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jobson awoke with a Sundayish feeling, probably due to the fact that + it was Bank Holiday. He had been aware, in a dim fashion, of the rising of + Mrs. Jobson some time before, and in a semi-conscious condition had taken + over a large slice of unoccupied territory. He stretched himself and + yawned, and then, by an effort of will, threw off the clothes and + springing out of bed reached for his trousers. + </p> + <p> + He was an orderly man, and had hung them every night for over twenty years + on the brass knob on his side of the bed. He had hung them there the night + before, and now they had absconded with a pair of red braces just entering + their teens. Instead, on a chair at the foot of the bed was a collection + of garments that made him shudder. With trembling fingers he turned over a + black tailcoat, a white waistcoat, and a pair of light check trousers. A + white shirt, a collar, and tie kept them company, and, greatest outrage of + all, a tall silk hat stood on its own band-box beside the chair. Mr. + Jobson, fingering his bristly chin, stood: regarding the collection with a + wan smile. + </p> + <p> + “So that's their little game, is it?” he muttered. “Want to make a toff of + me. Where's my clothes got to, I wonder?” + </p> + <p> + A hasty search satisfied him that they were not in the room, and, pausing + only to drape himself in the counterpane, he made his way into the next. + He passed on to the others, and then, with a growing sense of alarm, stole + softly downstairs and making his way to the shop continued the search. + With the shutters up the place was almost in darkness, and in spite of his + utmost care apples and potatoes rolled on to the floor and travelled + across it in a succession of bumps. Then a sudden turn brought the scales + clattering down. + </p> + <p> + “Good gracious, Alf!” said a voice. “Whatever are you a-doing of?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jobson turned and eyed his wife, who was standing at the door. + </p> + <p> + “I'm looking for my clothes, mother,” he replied, briefly. + </p> + <p> + “Clothes!” said Mrs. Jobson, with an obvious attempt at unconcerned + speech. “Clothes! Why, they're on the chair.” + </p> + <p> + “I mean clothes fit for a Christian to wear—fit for a greengrocer to + wear,” said Mr. Jobson, raising his voice. + </p> + <p> + “It was a little surprise for you, dear,” said his wife. “Me and Bert and + Gladys and Dorothy 'ave all been saving up for it for ever so long.” + </p> + <p> + “It's very kind of you all,” said Mr. Jobson, feebly—“very, but—” + </p> + <p> + “They've all been doing without things themselves to do it,” interjected + his wife. “As for Gladys, I'm sure nobody knows what she's given up.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, if nobody knows, it don't matter,” said Mr. Jobson. “As I was + saying, it's very kind of you all, but I can't wear 'em. Where's my + others?” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Jobson hesitated. + </p> + <p> + “Where's my others?” repeated her husband. + </p> + <p> + “They're being took care of,” replied his wife, with spirit. “Aunt Emma's + minding 'em for you—and you know what she is. H'sh! Alf! Alf! I'm + surprised at you!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jobson coughed. “It's the collar, mother,” he said at last. “I ain't + wore a collar for over twenty years; not since we was walking out + together. And then I didn't like it.” + </p> + <p> + “More shame for you,” said his wife. “I'm sure there's no other + respectable tradesman goes about with a handkerchief knotted round his + neck.” + </p> + <p> + “P'r'aps their skins ain't as tender as what mine is,” urged Mr. Jobson; + “and besides, fancy me in a top-'at! Why, I shall be the laughing-stock of + the place.” + </p> + <p> + “Nonsense!” said his wife. “It's only the lower classes what would laugh, + and nobody minds what they think.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jobson sighed. “Well, I shall 'ave to go back to bed again, then,” he + said, ruefully. “So long, mother. Hope you have a pleasant time at the + Palace.” + </p> + <p> + He took a reef in the counterpane and with a fair amount of dignity, + considering his appearance, stalked upstairs again and stood gloomily + considering affairs in his bedroom. Ever since Gladys and Dorothy had been + big enough to be objects of interest to the young men of the neighbourhood + the clothes nuisance had been rampant. He peeped through the window-blind + at the bright sunshine outside, and then looked back at the tumbled bed. A + murmur of voices downstairs apprised him that the conspirators were + awaiting the result. + </p> + <p> + He dressed at last and stood like a lamb—a redfaced, bull-necked + lamb— while Mrs. Jobson fastened his collar for him. + </p> + <p> + “Bert wanted to get a taller one,” she remarked, “but I said this would do + to begin with.” + </p> + <p> + “Wanted it to come over my mouth, I s'pose,” said the unfortunate Mr. + Jobson. “Well, 'ave it your own way. Don't mind about me. What with the + trousers and the collar, I couldn't pick up a sovereign if I saw one in + front of me.” + </p> + <p> + “If you see one I'll pick it up for you,” said his wife, taking up the hat + and moving towards the door. “Come along!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jobson, with his arms standing out stiffly from his sides and his head + painfully erect, followed her downstairs, and a sudden hush as he entered + the kitchen testified to the effect produced by his appearance. It was + followed by a hum of admiration that sent the blood flying to his head. + </p> + <p> + “Why he couldn't have done it before I don't know,” said the dutiful + Gladys. “Why, there ain't a man in the street looks a quarter as smart.” + </p> + <p> + “Fits him like a glove!” said Dorothy, walking round him. + </p> + <p> + “Just the right length,” said Bert, scrutinizing the coat. + </p> + <p> + “And he stands as straight as a soldier,” said Gladys, clasping her hands + gleefully. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link001" id="link001"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="001.jpg (115K)" src="images/001.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “Collar,” said Mr. Jobson, briefly. “Can I 'ave it took off while I eat my + bloater, mother?” + </p> + <p> + “Don't be silly, Alf,” said his wife. “Gladys, pour your father out a + nice, strong, Pot cup o' tea, and don't forget that the train starts at + ha' past ten.” + </p> + <p> + “It'll start all right when it sees me,” observed Mr. Jobson, squinting + down at his trousers. + </p> + <p> + Mother and children, delighted with the success of their scheme, laughed + applause, and Mr. Jobson somewhat gratified at the success of his retort, + sat down and attacked his breakfast. A short clay pipe, smoked as a + digestive, was impounded by the watchful Mrs. Jobson the moment he had + finished it. + </p> + <p> + “He'd smoke it along the street if I didn't,” she declared. + </p> + <p> + “And why not?” demanded her husband—“always do.” + </p> + <p> + “Not in a top-'at,” said Mrs. Jobson, shaking her head at him. + </p> + <p> + “Or a tail-coat,” said Dorothy. + </p> + <p> + “One would spoil the other,” said Gladys. + </p> + <p> + “I wish something would spoil the hat,” said Mr. Jobson, wistfully. “It's + no good; I must smoke, mother.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Jobson smiled, and, going to the cupboard, produced, with a smile of + triumph, an envelope containing seven dangerous-looking cigars. Mr. Jobson + whistled, and taking one up examined it carefully. + </p> + <p> + “What do they call 'em, mother?” he inquired. “The 'Cut and Try Again + Smokes'?” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Jobson smiled vaguely. “Me and the girls are going upstairs to get + ready now,” she said. “Keep your eye on him, Bert!” + </p> + <p> + Father and son grinned at each other, and, to pass the time, took a cigar + apiece. They had just finished them when a swish and rustle of skirts + sounded from the stairs, and Mrs. Jobson and the girls, beautifully + attired, entered the room and stood buttoning their gloves. A strong smell + of scent fought with the aroma of the cigars. + </p> + <p> + “You get round me like, so as to hide me a bit,” entreated Mr. Jobson, as + they quitted the house. “I don't mind so much when we get out of our + street.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Jobson laughed his fears to scorn. + </p> + <p> + “Well, cross the road, then,” said Mr. Jobson, urgently. “There's Bill + Foley standing at his door.” + </p> + <p> + His wife sniffed. “Let him stand,” she said, haughtily. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Foley failed to avail himself of the permission. He regarded Mr. + Jobson with dilated eyeballs, and, as the party approached, sank slowly + into a sitting position on his doorstep, and as the door opened behind him + rolled slowly over onto his back and presented an enormous pair of + hobnailed soles to the gaze of an interested world. + </p> + <p> + “I told you 'ow it would be,” said the blushing Mr. Jobson. “You know what + Bill's like as well as I do.” + </p> + <p> + His wife tossed her head and they all quickened their pace. The voice of + the ingenious Mr. Foley calling piteously for his mother pursued them to + the end of the road. + </p> + <p> + “I knew what it 'ud be,” said Mr. Jobson, wiping his hot face. “Bill will + never let me 'ear the end of this.” + </p> + <p> + “Nonsense!” said his wife, bridling. “Do you mean to tell me you've got to + ask Bill Foley 'ow you're to dress? He'll soon get tired of it; and, + besides, it's just as well to let him see who you are. There's not many + tradesmen as would lower themselves by mixing with a plasterer.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jobson scratched his ear, but wisely refrained from speech. Once clear + of his own district mental agitation subsided, but bodily discomfort + increased at every step. The hat and the collar bothered him most, but + every article of attire contributed its share. His uneasiness was so + manifest that Mrs. Jobson, after a little womanly sympathy, suggested + that, besides Sundays, it might be as well to wear them occasionally of an + evening in order to get used to them. + </p> + <p> + “What, 'ave I got to wear them every Sunday?” demanded the unfortunate, + blankly; “why, I thought they was only for Bank Holidays.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Jobson told him not to be silly. + </p> + <p> + “Straight, I did,” said her husband, earnestly. “You've no idea 'ow I'm + suffering; I've got a headache, I'm arf choked, and there's a feeling + about my waist as though I'm being cuddled by somebody I don't like.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Jobson said it would soon wear off and, seated in the train that bore + them to the Crystal Palace, put the hat on the rack. Her husband's attempt + to leave it in the train was easily frustrated and his explanation that he + had forgotten all about it received in silence. It was evident that he + would require watching, and under the clear gaze of his children he seldom + had a button undone for more than three minutes at a time. + </p> + <p> + The day was hot and he perspired profusely. His collar lost its starch— + a thing to be grateful for—and for the greater part of the day he + wore his tie under the left ear. By the time they had arrived home again + he was in a state of open mutiny. + </p> + <p> + “Never again,” he said, loudly, as he tore the collar off and hung his + coat on a chair. + </p> + <p> + There was a chorus of lamentation; but he remained firm. Dorothy began to + sniff ominously, and Gladys spoke longingly of the fathers possessed by + other girls. It was not until Mrs. Jobson sat eyeing her supper, instead + of eating it, that he began to temporize. He gave way bit by bit, garment + by garment. When he gave way at last on the great hat question, his wife + took up her knife and fork. + </p> + <p> + His workaday clothes appeared in his bedroom next morning, but the others + still remained in the clutches of Aunt Emma. The suit provided was of + considerable antiquity, and at closing time, Mr. Jobson, after some + hesitation, donned his new clothes and with a sheepish glance at his wife + went out; Mrs. Jobson nodded delight at her daughters. + </p> + <p> + “He's coming round,” she whispered. “He liked that ticket-collector + calling him 'sir' yesterday. I noticed it. He's put on everything but the + topper. Don't say nothing about it; take it as a matter of course.” + </p> + <p> + It became evident as the days wore on that she was right... Bit by bit she + obtained the other clothes—with some difficulty—from Aunt + Emma, but her husband still wore his best on Sundays and sometimes of an + evening; and twice, on going into the bedroom suddenly, she had caught him + surveying himself at different angles in the glass. + </p> + <p> + And, moreover, he had spoken with some heat—for such a good-tempered + man—on the shortcomings of Dorothy's laundry work. + </p> + <p> + “We'd better put your collars out,” said his wife. + </p> + <p> + “And the shirts,” said Mr. Jobson. “Nothing looks worse than a bad got-up + cuff.” + </p> + <p> + “You're getting quite dressy,” said his wife, with a laugh. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jobson eyed her seriously. + </p> + <p> + “No, mother, no,” he replied. “All I've done is to find out that you're + right, as you always 'ave been. A man in my persition has got no right to + dress as if he kept a stall on the kerb. It ain't fair to the gals, or to + young Bert. I don't want 'em to be ashamed of their father.” + </p> + <p> + “They wouldn't be that,” said Mrs. Jobson. + </p> + <p> + “I'm trying to improve,” said her husband. “O' course, it's no use + dressing up and behaving wrong, and yesterday I bought a book what tells + you all about behaviour.” + </p> + <p> + “Well done!” said the delighted Mrs. Jobson. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jobson was glad to find that her opinion on his purchase was shared by + the rest of the family. Encouraged by their approval, he told them of the + benefit he was deriving from it; and at tea-time that day, after a little + hesitation, ventured to affirm that it was a book that might do them all + good. + </p> + <p> + “Hear, hear!” said Gladys. + </p> + <p> + “For one thing,” said Mr. Jobson, slowly, “I didn't know before that it + was wrong to blow your tea; and as for drinking it out of a saucer, the + book says it's a thing that is only done by the lower orders.” + </p> + <p> + “If you're in a hurry?” demanded Mr. Bert Jobson, pausing with his saucer + half way to his mouth. + </p> + <p> + “If you're in anything,” responded his father. “A gentleman would rather + go without his tea than drink it out of a saucer. That's the sort o' thing + Bill Foley would do.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Bert Jobson drained his saucer thoughtfully. + </p> + <p> + “Picking your teeth with your finger is wrong, too,” said Mr. Jobson, + taking a breath. “Food should be removed in a—a—un-undemonstrative + fashion with the tip of the tongue.” + </p> + <p> + “I wasn't,” said Gladys. + </p> + <p> + “A knife,” pursued her father—“a knife should never in any + circumstances be allowed near the mouth.” + </p> + <p> + “You've made mother cut herself,” said Gladys, sharply; “that's what + you've done.” + </p> + <p> + “I thought it was my fork,” said Mrs. Jobson. “I was so busy listening I + wasn't thinking what I was doing. Silly of me.” + </p> + <p> + “We shall all do better in time,” said Mr. Jobson. “But what I want to + know is, what about the gravy? You can't eat it with a fork, and it don't + say nothing about a spoon. Oh, and what about our cold tubs, mother?” + </p> + <p> + “Cold tubs?” repeated his wife, staring at him. “What cold tubs?” + </p> + <p> + “The cold tubs me and Bert ought to 'ave,” said Mr. Jobson. “It says in + the book that an Englishman would just as soon think of going without his + breakfus' as his cold tub; and you know how fond I am of my breakfus'.” + </p> + <p> + “And what about me and the gals?” said the amazed Mrs. Jobson. + </p> + <p> + “Don't you worry about me, ma,” said Gladys, hastily. + </p> + <p> + “The book don't say nothing about gals; it says Englishmen,” said Mr. + Jobson. + </p> + <p> + “But we ain't got a bathroom,” said his son. + </p> + <p> + “It don't signify,” said Mr. Jobson. “A washtub'll do. Me and Bert'll 'ave + a washtub each brought up overnight; and it'll be exercise for the gals + bringing the water up of a morning to us.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I don't know, I'm sure,” said the bewildered Mrs. Jobson. “Anyway, + you and Bert'll 'ave to carry the tubs up and down. Messy, I call it. + </p> + <p> + “It's got to be done, mother,” said Mr. Jobson cheerfully. “It's only the + lower orders what don't 'ave their cold tub reg'lar. The book says so.” + </p> + <p> + He trundled the tub upstairs the same night and, after his wife had gone + downstairs next morning, opened the door and took in the can and pail that + stood outside. He poured the contents into the tub, and, after eyeing it + thoughtfully for some time, agitated the surface with his right foot. He + dipped and dried that much enduring member some ten times, and after + regarding the damp condition of the towels with great satisfaction, + dressed himself and went downstairs. + </p> + <p> + “I'm all of a glow,” he said, seating himself at the table. “I believe I + could eat a elephant. I feel as fresh as a daisy; don't you, Bert?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jobson, junior, who had just come in from the shop, remarked, shortly, + that he felt more like a blooming snowdrop. + </p> + <p> + “And somebody slopped a lot of water over the stairs carrying it up,” said + Mrs. Jobson. “I don't believe as everybody has cold baths of a morning. It + don't seem wholesome to me.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jobson took a book from his pocket, and opening it at a certain page, + handed it over to her. + </p> + <p> + “If I'm going to do the thing at all I must do it properly,” he said, + gravely. “I don't suppose Bill Foley ever 'ad a cold tub in his life; he + don't know no better. Gladys!” + </p> + <p> + “Halloa!” said that young lady, with a start. + </p> + <p> + “Are you—are you eating that kipper with your fingers?” + </p> + <p> + Gladys turned and eyed her mother appealingly. + </p> + <p> + “Page-page one hundred and something, I think it is,” said her father, + with his mouth full. “'Manners at the Dinner Table.' It's near the end of + the book, I know.” + </p> + <p> + “If I never do no worse than that I shan't come to no harm,” said his + daughter. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jobson shook his head at her, and after eating his breakfast with + great care, wiped his mouth on his handkerchief and went into the shop. + </p> + <p> + “I suppose it's all right,” said Mrs. Jobson, looking after him, “but he's + taking it very serious—very.” + </p> + <p> + “He washed his hands five times yesterday morning,” said Dorothy, who had + just come in from the shop to her breakfast; “and kept customers waiting + while he did it, too.” + </p> + <p> + “It's the cold-tub business I can't get over,” said her mother. “I'm sure + it's more trouble to empty them than what it is to fill them. There's + quite enough work in the 'ouse as it is.” + </p> + <p> + “Too much,” said Bert, with unwonted consideration. + </p> + <p> + “I wish he'd leave me alone,” said Gladys. “My food don't do me no good + when he's watching every mouthful I eat.” + </p> + <p> + Of murmurings such as these Mr. Jobson heard nothing, and in view of the + great improvement in his dress and manners, a strong resolution was passed + to avoid the faintest appearance of discontent. Even when, satisfied with + his own appearance, he set to work to improve that of Mrs. Jobson, that + admirable woman made no complaint. Hitherto the brightness of her attire + and the size of her hats had been held to atone for her lack of figure and + the roomy comfort of her boots, but Mr. Jobson, infected with new ideas, + refused to listen to such sophistry. He went shopping with Dorothy; and + the Sunday after, when Mrs. Jobson went for an airing with him, she walked + in boots with heels two inches high and toes that ended in a point. A + waist that had disappeared some years before was recaptured and placed in + durance vile; and a hat which called for a new style of hair-dressing + completed the effect. + </p> + <p> + “You look splendid, ma!” said Gladys, as she watched their departure. + “Splendid!” + </p> + <p> + “I don't feel splendid,” sighed Mrs. Jobson to her husband. “These 'ere + boots feel red-'ot.” + </p> + <p> + “Your usual size,” said Mr. Jobson, looking across the road. + </p> + <p> + “And the clothes seem just a teeny-weeny bit tight, p'r'aps,” continued + his wife. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jobson regarded her critically. “P'r'aps they might have been let out + a quarter of an inch,” he: said, thoughtfully. “They're the best fit + you've 'ad for a long time, mother. I only 'ope the gals'll 'ave such good + figgers.” + </p> + <p> + His wife smiled faintly, but, with little breath for conversation, walked + on for some time in silence. A growing redness of face testified to her + distress. + </p> + <p> + “I—I feel awful,” she said at last, pressing her hand to her side. + “Awful.” + </p> + <p> + “You'll soon get used to it,” said Mr. Jobson, gently. “Look at me! I felt + like you do at first, and now I wouldn't go back to old clothes—and + comfort—for anything. You'll get to love them boots. + </p> + <p> + “If I could only take 'em off I should love 'em better,” said his wife, + panting; “and I can't breathe properly—I can't breathe.” + </p> + <p> + “You look ripping, mother,” said her husband, simply. + </p> + <p> + His wife essayed another smile, but failed. She set her lips together and + plodded on, Mr. Jobson chatting cheerily and taking no notice of the fact + that she kept lurching against him. Two miles from home she stopped and + eyed him fixedly. + </p> + <p> + “If I don't get these boots off, Alf, I shall be a 'elpless cripple for + the rest of my days,” she murmured. “My ankle's gone over three times.” + </p> + <p> + “But you can't take 'em off here,” said Mr. Jobson, hastily. “Think 'ow it + would look.” + </p> + <p> + “I must 'ave a cab or something,” said his wife, hysterically. “If I don't + get 'em off soon I shall scream.” + </p> + <p> + She leaned against the iron palings of a house for support, while Mr. + Jobson, standing on the kerb, looked up and down the road for a cab. A + four-wheeler appeared just in time to prevent the scandal—of Mrs. + Jobson removing her boots in the street. + </p> + <p> + “Thank goodness,” she gasped, as she climbed in. “Never mind about untying + 'em, Alf; cut the laces and get 'em off quick.” + </p> + <p> + They drove home with the boots standing side by side on the seat in front + of them. Mr. Jobson got out first and knocked at the door, and as soon as + it opened Mrs. Jobson pattered across the intervening space with the boots + dangling from her hand. She had nearly reached the door when Mr. Foley, + who had a diabolical habit of always being on hand when he was least + wanted, appeared suddenly from the offside of the cab. + </p> + <p> + “Been paddlin'?” he inquired. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link002" id="link002"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="002.jpg (110K)" src="images/002.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Jobson, safe in her doorway, drew herself up and, holding the boots + behind her, surveyed him with a stare of high-bred disdain. + </p> + <p> + “Been paddlin'?” he inquired + </p> + <p> + “I see you going down the road in 'em,” said the unabashed Mr. Foley, “and + I says to myself, I says, 'Pride'll bear a pinch, but she's going too far. + If she thinks that she can squeedge those little tootsywootsies of 'ers + into them boo—'” + </p> + <p> + The door slammed violently and left him exchanging grins with Mr. Jobson. + </p> + <p> + “How's the 'at?” he inquired. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jobson winked. “Bet you a level 'arf-dollar I ain't wearing it next + Sunday,” he said, in a hoarse whisper. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Foley edged away. + </p> + <p> + “Not good enough,” he said, shaking his head. “I've had a good many bets + with you first and last, Alf, but I can't remember as I ever won one yet. + So long.” + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <a name="linkc2" id="linkc2"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + FRIENDS IN NEED + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + R. Joseph Gibbs finished his half-pint in the private bar of the Red Lion + with the slowness of a man unable to see where the next was coming from, + and, placing the mug on the counter, filled his pipe from a small paper of + tobacco and shook his head slowly at his companions. + </p> + <p> + “First I've 'ad since ten o'clock this morning,” he said, in a hard voice. + </p> + <p> + “Cheer up,” said Mr. George Brown. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link003" id="link003"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="003.jpg (82K)" src="images/003.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “It can't go on for ever,” said Bob Kidd, encouragingly. + </p> + <p> + “All I ask for—is work,” said Mr. Gibbs, impressively. “Not slavery, + mind yer, but work.” + </p> + <p> + “It's rather difficult to distinguish,” said Mr. Brown. + </p> + <p> + “'Specially for some people,” added Mr. Kidd. + </p> + <p> + “Go on,” said Mr. Gibbs, gloomily. “Go on. Stand a man 'arf a pint, and + then go and hurt 'is feelings. Twice yesterday I wondered to myself what + it would feel like to make a hole in the water.” + </p> + <p> + “Lots o' chaps do do it,” said Mr. Brown, musingly. + </p> + <p> + “And leave their wives and families to starve,” said Mr. Gibbs, icily. + </p> + <p> + “Very often the wife is better off,” said his friend. “It's one mouth less + for her to feed. Besides, she gen'rally gets something. When pore old Bill + went they 'ad a Friendly Lead at the 'King's Head' and got his missis + pretty nearly seventeen pounds.” + </p> + <p> + “And I believe we'd get more than that for your old woman,” said Mr. Kidd. + “There's no kids, and she could keep 'erself easy. Not that I want to + encourage you to make away with yourself.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Gibbs scowled and, tilting his mug, peered gloomily into the interior. + </p> + <p> + “Joe won't make no 'ole in the water,” said Mr. Brown, wagging his head. + “If it was beer, now—” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Gibbs turned and, drawing himself up to five feet three, surveyed the + speaker with an offensive stare. + </p> + <p> + “I don't see why he need make a 'ole in anything,” said Mr. Kidd, slowly. + “It 'ud do just as well if we said he 'ad. Then we could pass the hat + round and share it.” + </p> + <p> + “Divide it into three halves and each 'ave one,” said Mr. Brown, nodding; + “but 'ow is it to be done?” + </p> + <p> + “'Ave some more beer and think it over,” said Mr. Kidd, pale with + excitement. “Three pints, please.” + </p> + <p> + He and Mr. Brown took up their pints, and nodded at each other. Mr. Gibbs, + toying idly with the handle of his, eyed them carefully. “Mind, I'm not + promising anything,” he said, slowly. “Understand, I ain't a-committing of + myself by drinking this 'ere pint.” + </p> + <p> + “You leave it to me, Joe,” said Mr. Kidd. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Gibbs left it to him after a discussion in which pints played a + persuasive part; with the result that Mr. Brown, sitting in the same bar + the next evening with two or three friends, was rudely disturbed by the + cyclonic entrance of Mr. Kidd, who, dripping with water, sank on a bench + and breathed heavily. + </p> + <p> + “What's up? What's the matter?” demanded several voices. + </p> + <p> + “It's Joe—poor Joe Gibbs,” said Mr. Kidd. “I was on Smith's wharf + shifting that lighter to the next berth, and, o' course Joe must come + aboard to help. He was shoving her off with 'is foot when—” + </p> + <p> + He broke off and shuddered and, accepting a mug of beer, pending the + arrival of some brandy that a sympathizer had ordered, drank it slowly. + </p> + <p> + “It all 'appened in a flash,” he said, looking round. “By the time I 'ad + run round to his end he was just going down for the third time. I hung + over the side and grabbed at 'im, and his collar and tie came off in my + hand. Nearly went in, I did.” + </p> + <p> + He held out the collar and tie; and approving notice was taken of the fact + that he was soaking wet from the top of his head to the middle button of + his waistcoat. + </p> + <p> + “Pore chap!” said the landlord, leaning over the bar. “He was in 'ere only + 'arf an hour ago, standing in this very bar.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, he's 'ad his last drop o' beer,” said a carman in a chastened + voice. + </p> + <p> + “That's more than anybody can say,” said the landlord, sharply. “I never + heard anything against the man; he's led a good life so far as I know, and + 'ow can we tell that he won't 'ave beer?” + </p> + <p> + He made Mr. Kidd a present of another small glass of brandy. + </p> + <p> + “He didn't leave any family, did he?” he inquired, as he passed it over. + </p> + <p> + “Only a wife,” said Mr. Kidd; “and who's to tell that pore soul I don't + know. She fair doated on 'im. 'Ow she's to live I don't know. I shall do + what I can for 'er.” + </p> + <p> + “Same 'ere,” said Mr. Brown, in a deep voice. + </p> + <p> + “Something ought to be done for 'er,” said the carman, as he went out. + </p> + <p> + “First thing is to tell the police,” said the landlord. “They ought to + know; then p'r'aps one of them'll tell her. It's what they're paid for.” + </p> + <p> + “It's so awfully sudden. I don't know where I am 'ardly,” said Mr. Kidd. + “I don't believe she's got a penny-piece in the 'ouse. Pore Joe 'ad a lot + o' pals. I wonder whether we could'nt get up something for her.” + </p> + <p> + “Go round and tell the police first,” said the landlord, pursing up his + lips thoughtfully. “We can talk about that later on.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kidd thanked him warmly and withdrew, accompanied by Mr. Brown. Twenty + minutes later they left the station, considerably relieved at the + matter-of-fact way in which the police had received the tidings, and, + hurrying across London Bridge, made their way towards a small figure + supporting its back against a post in the Borough market. + </p> + <p> + “Well?” said Mr. Gibbs, snappishly, as he turned at the sound of their + footsteps. + </p> + <p> + “It'll be all right, Joe,” said Mr. Kidd. “We've sowed the seed.” + </p> + <p> + “Sowed the wot?” demanded the other. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kidd explained. + </p> + <p> + “Ho!” said Mr. Gibbs. “An' while your precious seed is a-coming up, wot am + I to do? Wot about my comfortable 'ome? Wot about my bed and grub?” + </p> + <p> + His two friends looked at each other uneasily. In the excitement of the + arrangements they had for gotten these things, and a long and sometimes + painful experience of Mr. Gibbs showed them only too plainly where they + were drifting. + </p> + <p> + “You'll 'ave to get a bed this side o' the river somewhere,” said Mr. + Brown, slowly. “Coffee-shop or something; and a smart, active man wot + keeps his eyes open can always pick up a little money.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Gibbs laughed. + </p> + <p> + “And mind,” said Mr. Kidd, furiously, in reply to the laugh, “anything we + lend you is to be paid back out of your half when you get it. And, wot's + more, you don't get a ha'penny till you've come into a barber's shop and + 'ad them whiskers off. We don't want no accidents.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link004" id="link004"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="004.jpg (91K)" src="images/004.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + Mr. Gibbs, with his back against the post, fought for his whiskers for + nearly half an hour, and at the end of that time was led into a barber's, + and in a state of sullen indignation proffered his request for a “clean” + shave. He gazed at the bare-faced creature that confronted him in the + glass after the operation in open-eyed consternation, and Messrs. Kidd and + Brown's politeness easily gave way before their astonishment. + </p> + <p> + “Well, I may as well have a 'air-cut while I'm here,” said Mr. Gibbs, + after a lengthy survey. + </p> + <p> + “And a shampoo, sir?” said the assistant. + </p> + <p> + “Just as you like,” said Mr. Gibbs, turning a deaf ear to the frenzied + expostulations of his financial backers. “Wot is it?” + </p> + <p> + He sat in amazed discomfort during the operation, and emerging with his + friends remarked that he felt half a stone lighter. The information was + received in stony silence, and, having spent some time in the selection, + they found a quiet public-house, and in a retired corner formed themselves + into a Committee of Ways and Means. + </p> + <p> + “That'll do for you to go on with,” said Mr. Kidd, after he and Mr. Brown + had each made a contribution; “and, mind, it's coming off of your share.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Gibbs nodded. “And any evening you want to see me you'll find me in + here,” he remarked. “Beer's ripping. Now you'd better go and see my old + woman.” + </p> + <p> + The two friends departed, and, to their great relief, found a little knot + of people outside the abode of Mrs. Gibbs. It was clear that the news had + been already broken, and, pushing their way upstairs, they found the widow + with a damp handkerchief in her hand surrounded by attentive friends. In + feeble accents she thanked Mr. Kidd for his noble attempts at rescue. + </p> + <p> + “He ain't dry yet,” said Mr. Brown. + </p> + <p> + “I done wot I could,” said Mr. Kidd, simply. “Pore Joe! Nobody could ha' + had a better pal. Nobody!” + </p> + <p> + “Always ready to lend a helping 'and to them as was in trouble, he was,” + said Mr. Brown, looking round. + </p> + <p> + “'Ear, 'ear!” said a voice. + </p> + <p> + “And we'll lend 'im a helping 'and,” said Mr. Kidd, energetically. “We + can't do 'im no good, pore chap, but we can try and do something for 'er + as is left behind.” + </p> + <p> + He moved slowly to the door, accompanied by Mr. Brown, and catching the + eye of one or two of the men beckoned them to follow. Under his able + guidance a small but gradually increasing crowd made its way to the “Red + Lion.” For the next three or four days the friends worked unceasingly. + Cards stating that a Friendly Lead would be held at the “Red Lion,” for + the benefit of the widow of the late Mr. Joseph Gibbs, were distributed + broadcast; and anecdotes portraying a singularly rare and beautiful + character obtained an even wider circulation. Too late Wapping realized + the benevolent disposition and the kindly but unobtrusive nature that had + departed from it for ever. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Gibbs, from his retreat across the water, fully shared his friends' + enthusiasm, but an insane desire—engendered by vanity—to be + present at the function was a source of considerable trouble and annoyance + to them. When he offered to black his face and take part in the + entertainment as a nigger minstrel, Mr. Kidd had to be led outside and + kept there until such time as he could converse in English pure and + undefiled. + </p> + <p> + “Getting above 'imself, that's wot it is,” said Mr. Brown, as they wended + their way home. “He's having too much money out of us to spend; but it + won't be for long now.” + </p> + <p> + “He's having a lord's life of it, while we're slaving ourselves to death,” + grumbled Mr. Kidd. “I never see'im looking so fat and well. By rights he + oughtn't to 'ave the same share as wot we're going to 'ave; he ain't doing + none of the work.” + </p> + <p> + His ill-humour lasted until the night of the “Lead,” which, largely owing + to the presence of a sporting fishmonger who had done well at the races + that day, and some of his friends, realized a sum far beyond the + expectations of the hard-working promoters. The fishmonger led off by + placing a five-pound note in the plate, and the packed audience breathed + so hard that the plate-holder's responsibility began to weigh upon his + spirits. In all, a financial tribute of thirty-seven pounds three and + fourpence was paid to the memory of the late Mr. Gibbs. + </p> + <p> + “Over twelve quid apiece,” said the delighted Mr. Kidd as he bade his + co-worker good night. “Sounds too good to be true.” + </p> + <p> + The next day passed all too slowly, but work was over at last, and Mr. + Kidd led the way over London Bridge a yard or two ahead of the more + phlegmatic Mr. Brown. Mr. Gibbs was in his old corner at the + “Wheelwright's Arms,” and, instead of going into ecstasies over the sum + realized, hinted darkly that it would have been larger if he had been + allowed to have had a hand in it. + </p> + <p> + “It'll 'ardly pay me for my trouble,” he said, shaking his head. “It's + very dull over 'ere all alone by myself. By the time you two have 'ad your + share, besides taking wot I owe you, there'll be 'ardly anything left.” + </p> + <p> + “I'll talk to you another time,” said Mr. Kidd, regarding him fixedly. + “Wot you've got to do now is to come acrost the river with us.” + </p> + <p> + “What for?” demanded Mr. Gibbs. + </p> + <p> + “We're going to break the joyful news to your old woman that you're alive + afore she starts spending money wot isn't hers,” said Mr. Kidd. “And we + want you to be close by in case she don't believe us. + </p> + <p> + “Well, do it gentle, mind,” said the fond husband. “We don't want 'er + screaming, or anything o' that sort. I know 'er better than wot you do, + and my advice to you is to go easy.” + </p> + <p> + He walked along by the side of them, and, after some demur, consented, as + a further disguise, to put on a pair of spectacles, for which Mr. Kidd's + wife's mother had been hunting high and low since eight o'clock that + morning. + </p> + <p> + “You doddle about 'ere for ten minutes,” said Mr. Kidd, as they reached + the Monument, “and then foller on. When you pass a lamp-post 'old your + handkerchief up to your face. And wait for us at the corner of your road + till we come for you.” + </p> + <p> + He went off at a brisk pace with Mr. Brown, a pace moderated to one of + almost funeral solemnity as they approached the residence of Mrs. Gibbs. + To their relief she was alone, and after the usual amenities thanked them + warmly for all they had done for her. + </p> + <p> + “I'd do more than that for pore Joe,” said Mr. Brown. + </p> + <p> + “They—they 'aven't found 'im yet?” said the widow. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kidd shook his head. “My idea is they won't find 'im,” he said, + slowly. + </p> + <p> + “Went down on the ebb tide,” explained Mr. Brown; and spoilt Mr. Kidd's + opening. + </p> + <p> + “Wherever he is 'e's better off,” said Mrs. Gibbs. + </p> + <p> + “No more trouble about being out o' work; no more worry; no more pain. + We've all got to go some day. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” began Mr. Kidd; “but— + </p> + <p> + “I'm sure I don't wish 'im back,” said Mrs. Gibbs; “that would be sinful.” + </p> + <p> + “But 'ow if he wanted to come back?” said Mr. Kidd, playing for an + opening. + </p> + <p> + “And 'elp you spend that money,” said Mr. Brown, ignoring the scowls of + his friend. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Gibbs looked bewildered. “Spend the money?” she began. + </p> + <p> + “Suppose,” said Mr. Kidd, “suppose he wasn't drownded after all? Only last + night I dreamt he was alive.” + </p> + <p> + “So did I,” said Mr. Brown. + </p> + <p> + “He was smiling at me,” said Mr. Kidd, in a tender voice. “'Bob,' he ses, + 'go and tell my pore missis that I'm alive,' he ses; 'break it to 'er + gentle.'” + </p> + <p> + “It's the very words he said to me in my dream,” said Mr. Brown. “Bit + strange, ain't it?” + </p> + <p> + “Very,” said Mrs. Gibbs. + </p> + <p> + “I suppose,” said Mr. Kidd, after a pause, “I suppose you haven't been + dreaming about 'im?” + </p> + <p> + “No; I'm a teetotaller,” said the widow. + </p> + <p> + The two gentlemen exchanged glances, and Mr. Kidd, ever of an impulsive + nature, resolved to bring matters to a head. + </p> + <p> + “Wot would you do if Joe was to come in 'ere at this door?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “Scream the house down,” said the widow, promptly. + </p> + <p> + “Scream—scream the 'ouse down?” said the distressed Mr. Kidd. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Gibbs nodded. “I should go screaming, raving mad,” she said, with + conviction. + </p> + <p> + “But—but not if 'e was alive!” said Mr. Kidd. + </p> + <p> + “I don't know what you're driving at,” said Mrs. Gibbs. “Why don't you + speak out plain? Poor Joe is drownded, you know that; you saw it all, and + yet you come talking to me about dreams and things.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kidd bent over her and put his hand affectionately on her shoulder. + “He escaped,” he said, in a thrilling whisper. “He's alive and well.” + </p> + <p> + “WHAT?” said Mrs. Gibbs, starting back. + </p> + <p> + “True as I stand 'ere,” said Mr. Kidd; “ain't it, George?” + </p> + <p> + “Truer,” said Mr. Brown, loyally. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Gibbs leaned back, gasping. “Alive!” she said. “But 'ow? 'Ow can he + be?” + </p> + <p> + “Don't make such a noise,” said Mr. Kidd, earnestly. “Mind, if anybody + else gets to 'ear of it you'll 'ave to give that money back.” + </p> + <p> + “I'd give more than that to get 'im back,” said Mrs. Gibbs, wildly. “I + believe you're deceiving me.” + </p> + <p> + “True as I stand 'ere,” asseverated the other. “He's only a minute or two + off, and if it wasn't for you screaming I'd go out and fetch 'im in.” + </p> + <p> + “I won't scream,” said Mrs. Gibbs, “not if I know it's flesh and blood. + Oh, where is he? Why don't you bring 'im in? Let me go to 'im.” + </p> + <p> + “All right,” said Mr. Kidd, with a satisfied smile at Mr. Brown; “all in + good time. I'll go and fetch 'im now; but, mind, if you scream you'll + spoil everything.” + </p> + <p> + He bustled cheerfully out of the room and downstairs, and Mrs. Gibbs, + motioning Mr. Brown to silence, stood by the door with parted lips, + waiting. Three or four minutes elapsed. + </p> + <p> + “'Ere they come,” said Mr. Brown, as footsteps sounded on the stairs. + “Now, no screaming, mind!” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Gibbs drew back, and, to the gratification of all concerned, did not + utter a sound as Mr. Kidd, followed by her husband, entered the room. She + stood looking expectantly towards the doorway. + </p> + <p> + “Where is he?” she gasped. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link005" id="link005"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="005.jpg (146K)" src="images/005.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “Eh?” said Mr. Kidd, in a startled voice. “Why here. Don't you know 'im?” + </p> + <p> + “It's me, Susan,” said Mr. Gibbs, in a low voice. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I might 'ave known it was a joke,” cried Mrs. Gibbs, in a faint + voice, as she tottered to a chair. “Oh, 'ow cruel of you to tell me my pore + Joe was alive! Oh, 'ow could you?” + </p> + <p> + “Lor' lumme,” said the incensed Mr. Kidd, pushing Mr. Gibbs forward. “Here + he is. Same as you saw 'im last, except for 'is whiskers. Don't make that + sobbing noise; people'll be coming in.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! Oh! Oh! Take 'im away,” cried Mrs. Gibbs. “Go and play your tricks + with somebody else's broken 'art.” + </p> + <p> + “But it's your husband,” said Mr. Brown. + </p> + <p> + “Take 'im away,” wailed Mrs. Gibbs. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kidd, grinding his teeth, tried to think. “'Ave you got any marks on + your body, Joe?” he inquired. + </p> + <p> + “I ain't got a mark on me,” said Mr. Gibbs with a satisfied air, “or a + blemish. My skin is as whi—” + </p> + <p> + “That's enough about your skin,” interrupted Mr. Kidd, rudely. + </p> + <p> + “If you ain't all of you gone before I count ten,” said Mrs. Gibbs, in a + suppressed voice, “I'll scream. 'Ow dare you come into a respectable + woman's place and talk about your skins? Are you going? One! Two! Three! + Four! Five!” + </p> + <p> + Her voice rose with each numeral; and Mr. Gibbs himself led the way + downstairs, and, followed by his friends, slipped nimbly round the corner. + </p> + <p> + “It's a wonder she didn't rouse the whole 'ouse,” he said, wiping his brow + on his sleeve; “and where should we ha' been then? I thought at the time + it was a mistake you making me 'ave my whiskers off, but I let you know + best. She's never seen me without 'em. I 'ad a remarkable strong growth + when I was quite a boy. While other boys was—” + </p> + <p> + “Shut-up!” vociferated Mr. Kidd. + </p> + <p> + “Sha'n't!” said Mr. Gibbs, defiantly. “I've 'ad enough of being away from + my comfortable little 'ome and my wife; and I'm going to let 'em start + growing agin this very night. She'll never reckernize me without 'em, + that's certain.” + </p> + <p> + “He's right, Bob,” said Mr. Brown, with conviction. + </p> + <p> + “D'ye mean to tell me we've got to wait till 'is blasted whiskers grow?” + cried Mr. Kidd, almost dancing with fury. “And go on keeping 'im in + idleness till they do?” + </p> + <p> + “You'll get it all back out o' my share,” said Mr. Gibbs, with dignity. + “But you can please yourself. If you like to call it quits now, I don't + mind.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Brown took his seething friend aside, and conferred with him in low + but earnest tones. Mr. Gibbs, with an indifferent air, stood by whistling + softly. + </p> + <p> + “'Ow long will they take to grow?” inquired Mr. Kidd, turning to him with + a growl. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Gibbs shrugged his shoulders. “Can't say,” he replied; “but I should + think two or three weeks would be enough for 'er to reckernize me by. If + she don't, we must wait another week or so, that's all.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, there won't be much o' your share left, mind that,” said Mr. Kidd, + glowering at him. + </p> + <p> + “I can't help it,” said Mr. Gibbs. “You needn't keep reminding me of it.” + </p> + <p> + They walked the rest of the way in silence; and for the next fortnight Mr. + Gibbs's friends paid nightly visits to note the change in his appearance, + and grumble at its slowness. + </p> + <p> + “We'll try and pull it off to-morrow night,” said Mr. Kidd, at the end of + that period. “I'm fair sick o' lending you money.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Gibbs shook his head and spoke sagely about not spoiling the ship for + a ha'porth o' tar; but Mr. Kidd was obdurate. + </p> + <p> + “There's enough for 'er to reckernize you by,” he said, sternly, “and we + don't want other people to. Meet us at the Monument at eight o'clock + to-morrow night, and we'll get it over.” + </p> + <p> + “Give your orders,” said Mr. Gibbs, in a nasty voice. + </p> + <p> + “Keep your 'at well over your eyes,” commanded Mr. Kidd, sternly. “Put + them spectacles on wot I lent you, and it wouldn't be a bad idea if you + tied your face up in a piece o' red flannel.” + </p> + <p> + “I know wot I'm going to do without you telling me,” said Mr. Gibbs, + nodding. “I'll bet you pots round that you don't either of you reckernize + me tomorrow night.” + </p> + <p> + The bet was taken at once, and from eight o'clock until ten minutes to + nine the following night Messrs. Kidd and Brown did their best to win it. + Then did Mr. Kidd, turning to Mr. Brown in perplexity, inquire with many + redundant words what it all meant. + </p> + <p> + “He must 'ave gone on by 'imself,” said Mr. Brown. “We'd better go and + see.” + </p> + <p> + In a state of some disorder they hurried back to Wapping, and, mounting + the stairs to Mrs. Gibbs's room, found the door fast. To their fervent and + repeated knocking there was no answer. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, you won't make her 'ear,” said a woman, thrusting an untidy head over + the balusters on the next landing. “She's gone.” + </p> + <p> + “Gone!” exclaimed both gentlemen. “Where?” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link006" id="link006"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="006.jpg (83K)" src="images/006.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “Canada,” said the woman. “She went off this morning.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kidd leaned up against the wall for support; Mr. Brown stood + open-mouthed and voiceless. + </p> + <p> + “It was a surprise to me,” said the woman, “but she told me this morning + she's been getting ready on the quiet for the last fortnight. Good spirits + she was in, too; laughing like anything.” + </p> + <p> + “Laughing!” repeated Mr. Kidd, in a terrible voice. + </p> + <p> + The woman nodded. “And when I spoke about it and reminded 'er that she 'ad + only just lost 'er pore husband, I thought she would ha' burst,” she said, + severely. “She sat down on that stair and laughed till the tears ran dowwn + 'er face like water.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Brown turned a bewildered face upon his partner. “Laughing!” he said, + slowly. “Wot 'ad she got to laugh at?” + </p> + <p> + “Two born-fools,” replied Mr. Kidd. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <a name="linkc3" id="linkc3"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + GOOD INTENTIONS + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + “Jealousy; that's wot it is,” said the night-watchman, trying to sneer— + “pure jealousy.” He had left his broom for a hurried half-pint at the + “Bull's Head”—left it leaning in a negligent attitude against the + warehouse-wall; now, lashed to the top of the crane at the jetty end, it + pointed its soiled bristles towards the evening sky and defied capture. + </p> + <p> + “And I know who it is, and why 'e's done it,” he continued. “Fust and + last, I don't suppose I was talking to the gal for more than ten minutes, + and 'arf of that was about the weather. + </p> + <p> + “I don't suppose anybody 'as suffered more from jealousy than wot I 'ave: + Other people's jealousy, I mean. Ever since I was married the missis has + been setting traps for me, and asking people to keep an eye on me. I + blacked one of the eyes once—like a fool—and the chap it + belonged to made up a tale about me that I ain't lived down yet. + </p> + <p> + “Years ago, when I was out with the missis one evening, I saved a gal's + life for her. She slipped as she was getting off a bus, and I caught 'er + just in time. Fine strapping gal she was, and afore I could get my balance + we 'ad danced round and round 'arfway acrost the road with our arms round + each other's necks, and my missis watching us from the pavement. When we + were safe, she said the gal 'adn't slipped at all; and, as soon as the gal + 'ad got 'er breath, I'm blest if she didn't say so too. + </p> + <p> + “You can't argufy with jealous people, and you can't shame 'em. When I + told my missis once that I should never dream of being jealous of her, + instead of up and thanking me for it, she spoilt the best frying-pan we + ever had. When the widder-woman next-door but two and me 'ad rheumatics at + the same time, she went and asked the doctor whether it was catching. + </p> + <p> + “The worse trouble o' that kind I ever got into was all through trying to + do somebody else a kindness. I went out o' my way to do it; I wasted the + whole evening for the sake of other people, and got into such trouble over + it that even now it gives me the cold shivers to think of. + </p> + <p> + “Cap'n Tarbell was the man I tried to do a good turn to; a man what used + to be master of a ketch called the <i>Lizzie and Annie,</i> trading + between 'ere and Shoremouth. 'Artful Jack' he used to be called, and if + ever a man deserved the name, he did. A widder-man of about fifty, and as + silly as a boy of fifteen. He 'ad been talking of getting married agin for + over ten years, and, thinking it was only talk, I didn't give 'im any good + advice. Then he told me one night that 'e was keeping company with a woman + named Lamb, who lived at a place near Shoremouth. When I asked 'im what + she looked like, he said that she had a good 'art, and, knowing wot that + meant, I wasn't at all surprised when he told me some time arter that 'e + had been a silly fool. + </p> + <p> + “'Well, if she's got a good 'art,' I ses, 'p'r'aps she'll let you go.' + </p> + <p> + “'Talk sense,' he ses. 'It ain't good enough for that. Why, she worships + the ground I tread on. She thinks there is nobody like me in the whole + wide world.' + </p> + <p> + “'Let's 'ope she'll think so arter you're married,' I ses, trying to cheer + him up. + </p> + <p> + “'I'm not going to get married,' he ses. 'Leastways, not to 'er. But 'ow + to get out of it without breaking her 'art and being had up for breach o' + promise I can't think. And if the other one got to 'ear of it, I should + lose her too.' + </p> + <p> + “'Other one?' I ses, 'wot other one?' + </p> + <p> + “Cap'n Tarbell shook his 'ead and smiled like a silly gal. + </p> + <p> + “'She fell in love with me on top of a bus in the Mile End Road,' he ses. + 'Love at fust sight it was. She's a widder lady with a nice little 'ouse + at Bow, and plenty to live on-her 'usband having been a builder. I don't + know what to do. You see, if I married both of 'em it's sure to be found + out sooner or later.' + </p> + <p> + “'You'll be found out as it is,' I ses, 'if you ain't careful. I'm + surprised at you.' + </p> + <p> + “'Yes,' he ses, getting up and walking backwards and forwards; 'especially + as Mrs. Plimmer is always talking about coming down to see the ship. One + thing is, the crew won't give me away; they've been with me too long for + that. P'r'aps you could give me a little advice, Bill.' + </p> + <p> + “I did. I talked to that man for an hour and a'arf, and when I 'ad + finished he said he didn't want that kind of advice at all. Wot 'e wanted + was for me to tell 'im 'ow to get rid of Miss Lamb and marry Mrs. Plimmer + without anybody being offended or having their feelings hurt. + </p> + <p> + “Mrs. Plimmer came down to the ship the very next evening. Fine-looking + woman she was, and, wot with 'er watch and chain and di'mond rings and + brooches and such-like, I should think she must 'ave 'ad five or six + pounds' worth of jewell'ry on 'er. She gave me a very pleasant smile, and + I gave 'er one back, and we stood chatting there like old friends till at + last she tore 'erself away and went on board the ship. + </p> + <p> + “She came off by and by hanging on Cap'n Tarbell's arm. The cap'n was + dressed up in 'is Sunday clothes, with one of the cleanest collars on I + 'ave ever seen in my life, and smoking a cigar that smelt like an escape + of gas. He came back alone at ha'past eleven that night, and 'e told me + that if it wasn't for the other one down Shoremouth way he should be the + 'appiest man on earth. + </p> + <p> + “'Mrs. Plimmer's only got one fault,' he ses, shaking his 'cad, 'and + that's jealousy. If she got to know of Laura Lamb, it would be all U.P. It + makes me go cold all over when I think of it. The only thing is to get + married as quick as I can; then she can't help 'erself.' + </p> + <p> + “'It wouldn't prevent the other one making a fuss, though,' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'No,' he ses, very thoughtfully, 'it wouldn't. I shall 'ave to do + something there, but wot, I don't know.' + </p> + <p> + “He climbed on board like a man with a load on his mind, and arter a look + at the sky went below and forgot both 'is troubles in sleep. + </p> + <p> + “Mrs. Plimmer came down to the wharf every time the ship was up, arter + that. Sometimes she'd spend the evening aboard, and sometimes they'd go + off and spend it somewhere else. She 'ad a fancy for the cabin, I think, + and the cap'n told me that she 'ad said when they were married she was + going to sail with 'im sometimes. + </p> + <p> + “'But it ain't for six months yet,' he ses, 'and a lot o' things might + 'appen to the other one in that time, with luck.' + </p> + <p> + “It was just about a month arter that that 'e came to me one evening + trembling all over. I 'ad just come on dooty, and afore I could ask 'im + wot was the matter he 'ad got me in the 'Bull's Head' and stood me three + 'arf-pints, one arter the other. + </p> + <p> + “'I'm ruined,' he ses in a 'usky whisper; 'I'm done for. Why was wimmen + made? Wot good are they? Fancy 'ow bright and 'appy we should all be + without 'em.' + </p> + <p> + <a name="link007" id="link007"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="007.jpg (134K)" src="images/007.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “'I started to p'int out one or two things to 'im that he seemed to 'ave + forgot, but 'e wouldn't listen. He was so excited that he didn't seem to + know wot 'e was doing, and arter he 'ad got three more 'arf-pints waiting + for me, all in a row on the counter, I 'ad to ask 'im whether he thought I + was there to do conjuring tricks, or wot?' + </p> + <p> + “'There was a letter waiting for me in the office,' he ses. 'From Miss + Lamb—she's in London. She's coming to pay me a surprise visit this + evening—I know who'll get the surprise. Mrs. Plimmer's coming too.' + </p> + <p> + “I gave 'im one of my 'arf-pints and made 'im drink it. He chucked the pot + on the floor when he 'ad done, in a desprit sort o' way, and 'im and the + landlord 'ad a little breeze then that did 'im more good than wot the beer + 'ad. When we came outside 'e seemed more contented with 'imself, but he + shook his 'ead and got miserable as soon as we got to the wharf agin. + </p> + <p> + “'S'pose they both come along at the same time,' he ses. 'Wot's to be + done?' + </p> + <p> + “I shut the gate with a bang and fastened the wicket. Then I turned to 'im + with a smile. + </p> + <p> + “'I'm watchman 'ere,' I ses, 'and I lets in who I thinks I will. This + ain't a public 'ighway,' I ses; 'it's a wharf.' + </p> + <p> + “'Bill,' he ses, 'you're a genius.' + </p> + <p> + “'If Miss Lamb comes 'ere asking arter you,' I ses, 'I shall say you've + gone out for the evening.' + </p> + <p> + “'Wot about her letter?' he ses. + </p> + <p> + “'You didn't 'ave it,' I ses, winking at 'im. + </p> + <p> + “'And suppose she waits about outside for me, and Mrs. Plimmer wants me to + take 'er out?' he ses, shivering. 'She's a fearful obstinate woman; and + she'd wait a week for me.' + </p> + <p> + “He kept peeping up the road while we talked it over, and then we both see + Mrs. Plimmer coming along. He backed on to the wharf and pulled out 'is + purse. + </p> + <p> + “'Bill,' he ses, gabbling as fast as 'e could gabble, 'here's five or six + shillings. If the other one comes and won't go away tell 'er I've gone to + the Pagoda Music-'all and you'll take 'er to me, keep 'er out all the + evening some'ow, if you can, if she comes back too soon keep 'er in the + office.' + </p> + <p> + “'And wot about leaving the wharf and my dooty?' I ses, staring. + </p> + <p> + “'I'll put Joe on to keep watch for you,' he ses, pressing the money in my + 'and. 'I rely on you, Bill, and I'll never forget you. You won't lose by + it, trust me.' + </p> + <p> + “He nipped off and tumbled aboard the ship afore I could say a word. I + just stood there staring arter 'im and feeling the money, and afore I + could make up my mind Mrs. Plimmer came up. + </p> + <p> + “I thought I should never ha' got rid of 'er. She stood there chatting and + smiling, and seemed to forget all about the cap'n, and every moment I was + afraid that the other one might come up. At last she went off, looking + behind 'er, to the ship, and then I went outside and put my back up agin + the gate and waited. + </p> + <p> + “I 'ad hardly been there ten minutes afore the other one came along. I saw + 'er stop and speak to a policeman, and then she came straight over to me. + </p> + <p> + “'I want to see Cap'n Tarbell,' she ses. + </p> + <p> + “'Cap'n Tarbell?' I ses, very slow; 'Cap'n Tarbell 'as gone off for the + evening.' + </p> + <p> + “'Gone off!' she ses, staring. 'But he can't 'ave. Are you sure?' + </p> + <p> + “'Sartain,' I ses. Then I 'ad a bright idea. 'And there's a letter come + for 'im,' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'Oh, dear!' she ses. 'And I thought it would be in plenty of time. Well, + I must go on the ship and wait for 'im, I suppose.' + </p> + <p> + “If I 'ad only let 'er go I should ha' saved myself a lot o' trouble, and + the man wot deserved it would ha' got it. Instead o' that I told 'er about + the music-'all, and arter carrying on like a silly gal o' seventeen and + saying she couldn't think of it, she gave way and said she'd go with me to + find 'im. I was all right so far as clothes went as it happened. Mrs. + Plimmer said once that I got more and more dressy every time she saw me, + and my missis 'ad said the same thing only in a different way. I just took + a peep through the wicket and saw that Joe 'ad taken up my dooty, and then + we set off. + </p> + <p> + “I said I wasn't quite sure which one he'd gone to, but we'd try the + Pagoda Music-'all fust, and we went there on a bus from Aldgate. It was + the fust evening out I 'ad 'ad for years, and I should 'ave enjoyed it if + it 'adn't been for Miss Lamb. Wotever Cap'n Tarbell could ha' seen in 'er, + I can't think. + </p> + <p> + “She was quiet, and stupid, and bad-tempered. When the bus-conductor came + round for the fares she 'adn't got any change; and when we got to the hall + she did such eggsterrordinary things trying to find 'er pocket that I + tried to look as if she didn't belong to me. When she left off she smiled + and said she was farther off than ever, and arter three or four wot was + standing there 'ad begged 'er to have another try, I 'ad to pay for the + two. + </p> + <p> + “The 'ouse was pretty full when we got in, but she didn't take no notice + of that. Her idea was that she could walk about all over the place looking + for Cap'n Tarbell, and it took three men in buttons and a policeman to + persuade 'er different. We were pushed into a couple o' seats at last, and + then she started finding fault with me. + </p> + <p> + “'Where is Cap'n Tarbell?' she ses. 'Why don't you find him?' + </p> + <p> + “'I'll go and look for 'im in the bar presently,' I ses. 'He's sure to be + there, arter a turn or two.' + </p> + <p> + “I managed to keep 'er quiet for 'arf an hour—with the 'elp of the + people wot sat near us—and then I 'ad to go. I 'ad a glass o' beer + to pass the time away, and, while I was drinking it, who should come up + but the cook and one of the hands from the <i>Lizzie and Annie</i>. + </p> + <p> + “'We saw you,' ses the cook, winking; 'didn't we Bob?' + </p> + <p> + “'Yes,' ses Bob, shaking his silly 'ead; 'but it wasn't no surprise to me. + I've 'ad my eye on 'im for a long time past.' + </p> + <p> + “'I thought 'e was married,' ses the cook. + </p> + <p> + “'So he is,' ses Bob, 'and to the best wife in London. I know where she + lives. Mine's a bottle o' Bass,' he ses, turning to me. + </p> + <p> + “'So's mine,' ses the cook. + </p> + <p> + “I paid for two bottles for 'em, and arter that they said that they'd 'ave + a whisky and soda apiece just to show as there was no ill-feeling. + </p> + <p> + “'It's very good,' ses Bob, sipping his, 'but it wants a sixpenny cigar to + go with it. It's been the dream o' my life to smoke a sixpenny cigar.' + </p> + <p> + “'So it 'as mine,' ses the cook, 'but I don't suppose I ever shall.' + </p> + <p> + “They both coughed arter that, and like a goodnatured fool I stood 'em a + sixpenny cigar apiece, and I 'ad just turned to go back to my seat when up + come two more hands from the Lizzie and Annie. + </p> + <p> + “'Halloa, watchman!' ses one of 'em. 'Why, I thought you was a-taking care + of the wharf.' + </p> + <p> + “'He's got something better than the wharf to take care of,' ses Bob, + grinning. + </p> + <p> + “'I know; we see 'im,' ses the other chap. 'We've been watching 'is + goings-on for the last 'arf-hour; better than a play it was.' + </p> + <p> + “I stopped their mouths with a glass o' bitter each, and went back to my + seat while they was drinking it. I told Miss Lamb in whispers that 'e + wasn't there, but I'd 'ave another look for him by and by. If she'd ha' + whispered back it would ha' been all right, but she wouldn't, and, arter a + most unpleasant scene, she walked out with her 'ead in the air follered by + me with two men in buttons and a policeman. + </p> + <p> + “O' course, nothing would do but she must go back to the wharf and wait + for Cap'n Tarbell, and all the way there I was wondering wot would 'appen + if she went on board and found 'im there with Mrs. Plimmer. However, when + we got there I persuaded 'er to go into the office while I went aboard to + see if I could find out where he was, and three minutes arterwards he was + standing with me behind the galley, trembling all over and patting me on + the back. + </p> + <p> + “'Keep 'er in the office a little longer,' he ses, in a whisper. 'The + other's going soon. Keep 'er there as long as you can.' + </p> + <p> + “'And suppose she sees you and Mrs. Plimmer passing the window?' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'That'll be all right; I'm going to take 'er to the stairs in the ship's + boat,' he ses. 'It's more romantic.' + </p> + <p> + “He gave me a little punch in the ribs, playfullike, and, arter telling me + I was worth my weight in gold-dust, went back to the cabin agin. + </p> + <p> + “I told Miss Lamb that the cabin was locked up, but that Cap'n Tarbell was + expected back in about 'arf-an-hour's time. Then I found 'er an old + newspaper and a comfortable chair and sat down to wait. I couldn't go on + the wharf for fear she'd want to come with me, and I sat there as patient + as I could, till a little clicking noise made us both start up and look at + each other. + </p> + <p> + “'Wot's that?' she ses, listening. + </p> + <p> + “'It sounded,' I ses 'it sounded like somebody locking the door.' + </p> + <p> + “I went to the door to try it just as somebody dashed past the window with + their 'ead down. It was locked fast, and arter I had 'ad a try at it and + Miss Lamb had 'ad a try at it, we stood and looked at each other in + surprise. + </p> + <p> + “'Somebody's playing a joke on us,' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'Joke!' ses Miss Lamb. 'Open that door at once. If you don't open it I'll + call for the police.' + </p> + <p> + “She looked at the windows, but the iron bars wot was strong enough to + keep the vans outside was strong enough to keep 'er in, and then she gave + way to such a fit o' temper that I couldn't do nothing with 'er. + </p> + <p> + “'Cap'n Tarbell can't be long now,' I ses, as soon as I could get a word + in. 'We shall get out as soon as e comes.' + </p> + <p> + “She flung 'erself down in the chair agin with 'er back to me, and for + nearly three-quarters of an hour we sat there without a word. Then, to our + joy, we 'eard footsteps turn in at the gate. Quick footsteps they was. + Somebody turned the handle of the door, and then a face looked in at the + window that made me nearly jump out of my boots in surprise. A face that + was as white as chalk with temper, and a bonnet cocked over one eye with + walking fast. She shook 'er fist at me, and then she shook it at Miss + Lamb. + </p> + <p> + “'Who's that?' ses Miss Lamb. + </p> + <p> + “'My missis,' I ses, in a loud voice. 'Thank goodness she's come.' + </p> + <p> + “'Open the door!' ses my missis, with a screech. + </p> + <p> + “'OPEN THE DOOR!' + </p> + <p> + “'I can't,' I ses. 'Somebody's locked it. This is Cap'n Tarbell's young + lady.' + </p> + <p> + “'I'll Cap'n Tarbell 'er when I get in!' ses my wife. 'You too. I'll + music-'all you! I'll learn you to go gallivanting about! Open the door!' + </p> + <p> + “She walked up and down the alley-way in front of the window waiting for + me just like a lion walking up and down its cage waiting for its dinner, + and I made up my mind then and there that I should 'ave to make a clean + breast of it and let Cap'n Tarbell get out of it the best way he could. I + wasn't going to suffer for him. + </p> + <p> + “'Ow long my missis walked up and down there I don't know. It seemed ages + to me; but at last I 'eard footsteps and voices, and Bob and the cook and + the other two chaps wot we 'ad met at the music'all came along and stood + grinning in at the window. + </p> + <p> + “'Somebody's locked us in,' I ses. 'Go and fetch Cap'n Tarbell.' + </p> + <p> + “'Cap'n Tarbell?' ses the cook. 'You don't want to see 'im. Why, he's the + last man in the world you ought to want to see! You don't know 'ow jealous + he is.' + </p> + <p> + “'You go and fetch 'im, I ses. ''Ow dare you talk like that afore my + wife!' + </p> + <p> + “'I dursen't take the responserbility,' ses the cook. 'It might mean + bloodshed.' + </p> + <p> + “'You go and fetch 'im,' ses my missis. 'Never mind about the bloodshed. I + don't. Open the door!' + </p> + <p> + “She started banging on the door agin, and arter talking among themselves + for a time they moved off to the ship. They came back in three or four + minutes, and the cook 'eld up something in front of the window. + </p> + <p> + “'The boy 'ad got it,' he ses. 'Now shall I open the door and let your + missis in, or would you rather stay where you are in peace and quietness?' + </p> + <p> + “I saw my missis jump at the key, and Bob and the others, laughing fit to + split their sides, 'olding her back. Then I heard a shout, and the next + moment Cap'n Tarbell came up and asked 'em wot the trouble was about. + </p> + <p> + “They all started talking at once, and then the cap'n, arter one look in + at the window, threw up his 'ands and staggered back as if 'e couldn't + believe his eyesight. He stood dazed-like for a second or two, and then 'e + took the key out of the cook's 'and, opened the door, and walked in. The + four men was close be'ind 'im, and, do all she could, my missis couldn't + get in front of 'em. + </p> + <p> + “'Watchman!' he ses, in a stuck-up voice, 'wot does this mean? Laura Lamb! + wot 'ave you got to say for yourself? Where 'ave you been all the + evening?' + </p> + <p> + “'She's been to a music-'all with Bill,' ses the cook. 'We saw 'em.' + </p> + <p> + “'WOT?' ses the cap'n, falling back again. 'It can't be!' + </p> + <p> + “'It was them,' ses my wife. 'A little boy brought me a note telling me. + You let me go; it's my husband, and I want to talk to 'im.' + </p> + <p> + “'It's all right,' I ses, waving my 'and at Miss Lamb, wot was going to + speak, and smiling at my missis, wot was trying to get at me. + </p> + <p> + “'We went to look for you,' ses Miss Lamb, very quick. 'He said you were + at the music-'all, and as you 'adn't got my letter I thought it was very + likely.' + </p> + <p> + “'But I did get your letter,' ses the cap'n. + </p> + <p> + “'He said you didn't,' ses Miss Lamb. + </p> + <p> + “'Look 'ere,' I ses. 'Why don't you keep quiet and let me explain? I can + explain everything.' + </p> + <p> + “'I'm glad o' that, for your sake, my man,' ses the cap'n, looking at me + very hard. 'I 'ope you will be able to explain 'ow it was you came to + leave the wharf for three hours.' + </p> + <p> + “I saw it all then. If I split about Mrs. Plimmer, he'd split to the + guv'nor about my leaving my dooty, and I should get the sack. I thought I + should ha' choked, and, judging by the way they banged me on the back, Bob + and the cook thought so too. They 'elped me to a chair when I got better, + and I sat there 'elpless while the cap'n went on talking. + </p> + <p> + “'I'm no mischief-maker,' he ses; 'and, besides, p'r'aps he's been + punished enough. And as far as I'm concerned he can take this lady to a + music-'all every night of the week if 'e likes. I've done with her.' + </p> + <p> + <a name="link008" id="link008"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="008.jpg (155K)" src="images/008.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “There was an eggsterrordinary noise from where my missis was standing; + like the gurgling water makes sometimes running down the kitchen sink at + 'ome, only worse. Then they all started talking together, and 'arf-a-dozen + times or more Miss Lamb called me to back 'er up in wot she was saying, + but I only shook my 'ead, and at last, arter tossing her 'ead at Cap'n + Tarbell and telling 'im she wouldn't 'ave 'im if he'd got fifty million a + year, the five of 'em 'eld my missis while she went off. + </p> + <p> + “They gave 'er ten minutes' start, and then Cap'n Tarbell, arter looking + at me and shaking his 'ead, said he was afraid they must be going. + </p> + <p> + “'And I 'ope this night'll be a lesson to you,' he ses. 'Don't neglect + your dooty again. I shall keep my eye on you, and if you be'ave yourself I + sha'n't say anything. Why, for all you know or could ha' done the wharf + might ha' been burnt to the ground while you was away!' + </p> + <p> + “He nodded to his crew, and they all walked out laughing and left me alone—with + the missis.” + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <a name="linkc4" id="linkc4"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + FAIRY GOLD + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + “Come and have a pint and talk it over,” said Mr. Augustus Teak. “I've got + reasons in my 'ead that you don't dream of, Alf.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Chase grunted and stole a side-glance at the small figure of his + companion. “All brains, you are, Gussie,” he remarked. “That's why it is + you're so well off.” + </p> + <p> + “Come and have a pint,” repeated the other, and with surprising ease + pushed his bulky friend into the bar of the “Ship and Anchor.” Mr. Chase, + mellowed by a long draught, placed his mug on the counter and eyeing him + kindly, said— + </p> + <p> + “I've been in my lodgings thirteen years.” + </p> + <p> + “I know,” said Mr. Teak; “but I've got a partikler reason for wanting you. + Our lodger, Mr. Dunn, left last week, and I only thought of you yesterday. + I mentioned you to my missis, and she was quite pleased. You see, she + knows I've known you for over twenty years, and she wants to make sure of + only 'aving honest people in the 'ouse. She has got a reason for it.” + </p> + <p> + He closed one eye and nodded with great significance at his friend. + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” said Mr. Chase, waiting. + </p> + <p> + “She's a rich woman,” said Mr. Teak, pulling the other's ear down to his + mouth. “She—” + </p> + <p> + “When you've done tickling me with your whiskers,” said Mr. Chase, + withdrawing his head and rubbing his ear vigorously, “I shall be glad.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Teak apologized. “A rich woman,” he repeated. “She's been stinting me + for twenty-nine years and saving the money—my money!—money + that I 'ave earned with the sweat of my brow. She 'as got over three + 'undred pounds!” + </p> + <p> + “'Ow much?” demanded Mr. Chase. + </p> + <p> + “Three 'undred pounds and more,” repeated the other; “and if she had 'ad + the sense to put it in a bank it would ha' been over four 'undred by this + time. Instead o' that she keeps it hid in the 'Ouse.” + </p> + <p> + “Where?” inquired the greatly interested Mr. Chase. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Teak shook his head. “That's just what I want to find out,” he + answered. “She don't know I know it; and she mustn't know, either. That's + important.” + </p> + <p> + “How did you find out about it, then?” inquired his friend. + </p> + <p> + “My wife's sister's husband, Bert Adams, told me. His wife told 'im in + strict confidence; and I might 'ave gone to my grave without knowing about + it, only she smacked his face for 'im the other night.” + </p> + <p> + “If it's in the house you ought to be able to find it easy enough,” said + Mr. Chase. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, it's all very well to talk,” retorted Mr. Teak. “My missis never + leaves the 'ouse unless I'm with her, except when I'm at work; and if she + thought I knew of it she'd take and put it in some bank or somewhere + unbeknown to me, and I should be farther off it than ever.” + </p> + <p> + “Haven't you got no idea?” said Mr. Chase. + </p> + <p> + “Not the leastest bit,” said the other. “I never thought for a moment she + was saving money. She's always asking me for more, for one thing; but, + then women alway do. And look 'ow bad it is for her—saving money + like that on the sly. She might grow into a miser, pore thing. For 'er own + sake I ought to get hold of it, if it's only to save her from 'erself.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Chase's face reflected the gravity of his own. + </p> + <p> + “You're the only man I can trust,” continued Mr. Teak, “and I thought if + you came as lodger you might be able to find out where it is hid, and get + hold of it for me.” + </p> + <p> + “Me steal it, d'ye mean?” demanded the gaping Mr. Chase. “And suppose she + got me locked up for it? I should look pretty, shouldn't I?” + </p> + <p> + “No; you find out where it is hid,” said the other; “that's all you need + do. I'll find someway of getting hold of it then.” + </p> + <p> + “But if you can't find it, how should I be able to?” inquired Mr. Chase. + </p> + <p> + “'Cos you'll 'ave opportunities,” said the other. “I take her out some + time when you're supposed to be out late; you come 'ome, let yourself in + with your key, and spot the hiding-place. I get the cash, and give you + ten-golden-sovereigns—all to your little self. It only occurred to + me after Bert told me about it, that I ain't been in the house alone for + years.” + </p> + <p> + He ordered some more beer, and, drawing Mr. Chase to a bench, sat down to + a long and steady argument. It shook his faith in human nature to find + that his friend estimated the affair as a twenty-pound job, but he was in + no position to bargain. They came out smoking twopenny cigars whose + strength was remarkable for their age, and before they parted Mr. Chase + was pledged to the hilt to do all that he could to save Mrs. Teak from the + vice of avarice. + </p> + <p> + It was a more difficult undertaking than he had supposed. The house, small + and compact, seemed to offer few opportunities for the concealment of + large sums of money, and after a fortnight's residence he came to the + conclusion that the treasure must have been hidden in the garden. The + unalloyed pleasure, however, with which Mrs. Teak regarded the efforts of + her husband to put under cultivation land that had lain fallow for twenty + years convinced both men that they were on a wrong scent. Mr. Teak, who + did the digging, was the first to realize it, but his friend, pointing out + the suspicions that might be engendered by a sudden cessation of labour, + induced him to persevere. + </p> + <p> + “And try and look as if you liked it,” he said, severely. “Why, from the + window even the back view of you looks disagreeable.” + </p> + <p> + “I'm fair sick of it,” declared Mr. Teak. “Anybody might ha' known she + wouldn't have buried it in the garden. She must 'ave been saving for + pretty near thirty years, week by week, and she couldn't keep coming out + here to hide it. 'Tain't likely.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Chase pondered. “Let her know, casual like, that I sha'n't be 'ome + till late on Saturday,” he said, slowly. “Then you come 'ome in the + afternoon and take her out. As soon as you're gone I'll pop in and have a + thorough good hunt round. Is she fond of animals?” + </p> + <p> + “I b'lieve so,” said the other, staring. “Why?” + </p> + <p> + “Take 'er to the Zoo,” said Mr. Chase, impressively. “Take two-penn'orth + o' nuts with you for the monkeys, and some stale buns for—for—for + animals as likes 'em. Give 'er a ride on the elephant and a ride on the + camel.” + </p> + <p> + “Anything else?” inquired Mr. Teak disagreeably. “Any more ways you can + think of for me to spend my money?” + </p> + <p> + “You do as I tell you,” said his friend. “I've got an idea now where it + is. If I'm able to show you where to put your finger on three 'undred + pounds when you come 'ome it'll be the cheapest outing you have ever 'ad. + Won't it?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Teak made no reply, but, after spending the evening in deliberation, + issued the invitation at the supper-table. His wife's eyes sparkled at + first; then the light slowly faded from them and her face fell. + </p> + <p> + “I can't go,” she said, at last. “I've got nothing to go in.” + </p> + <p> + “Rubbish!” said her husband, starting uneasily. + </p> + <p> + “It's a fact,” said Mrs. Teak. “I should like to go, too—it's years + since I was at the Zoo. I might make my jacket do; it's my hat I'm + thinking about.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Chase, meeting Mr. Teak's eye, winked an obvious suggestion. + </p> + <p> + “So, thanking you all the same,” continued Mrs. Teak, with amiable + cheerfulness, “I'll stay at 'ome.” + </p> + <p> + “'Ow-'ow much are they?” growled her husband, scowling at Mr. Chase. + </p> + <p> + “All prices,” replied his wife. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I know,” said Mr. Teak, in a grating voice. “You go in to buy a hat + at one and eleven-pence; you get talked over and flattered by a man like a + barber's block, and you come out with a four-and-six penny one. The only + real difference in hats is the price, but women can never see it.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Teak smiled faintly, and again expressed her willingness to stay at + home. They could spend the afternoon working in the garden, she said. Her + husband, with another indignant glance at the right eye of Mr. Chase, + which was still enacting the part of a camera-shutter, said that she could + have a hat, but asked her to remember when buying it that nothing suited + her so well as a plain one. + </p> + <p> + The remainder of the week passed away slowly; and Mr. Teak, despite his + utmost efforts, was unable to glean any information from Mr. Chase as to + that gentleman's ideas concerning the hiding-place. At every suggestion + Mr. Chase's smile only got broader and more indulgent. + </p> + <p> + “You leave it to me,” he said. “You leave it to me, and when you come home + from a happy outing I 'ope to be able to cross your little hand with three + 'undred golden quids.” + </p> + <p> + “But why not tell me?” urged Mr. Teak. + </p> + <p> + “'Cos I want to surprise you,” was the reply. “But mind, whatever you do, + don't let your wife run away with the idea that I've been mixed up in it + at all. Now, if you worry me any more I shall ask you to make it thirty + pounds for me instead of twenty.” + </p> + <p> + The two friends parted at the corner of the road on Saturday afternoon, + and Mr. Teak, conscious of his friend's impatience, sought to hurry his + wife by occasionally calling the wrong time up the stairs. She came down + at last, smiling, in a plain hat with three roses, two bows, and a + feather. + </p> + <p> + “I've had the feather for years,” she remarked. “This is the fourth hat it + has been on—but, then, I've taken care of it.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Teak grunted, and, opening the door, ushered her into the street. A + sense of adventure, and the hope of a profitable afternoon made his + spirits rise. He paid a compliment to the hat, and then, to the surprise + of both, followed it up with another—a very little one—to his + wife. + </p> + <p> + They took a tram at the end of the street, and for the sake of the air + mounted to the top. Mrs. Teak leaned back in her seat with placid + enjoyment, and for the first ten minutes amused herself with the life in + the streets. Then she turned suddenly to her husband and declared that she + had felt a spot of rain. + </p> + <p> + “'Magination,” he said, shortly. + </p> + <p> + Something cold touched him lightly on the eyelid, a tiny pattering sounded + from the seats, and then swish, down came the rain. With an angry + exclamation he sprang up and followed his wife below. + </p> + <p> + “Just our luck,” she said, mournfully. “Best thing we can do is to stay in + the car and go back with it.” + </p> + <p> + “Nonsense!” said her husband, in a startled' voice; “it'll be over in a + minute.” + </p> + <p> + Events proved the contrary. By the time the car reached the terminus it + was coming down heavily. Mrs. Teak settled herself squarely in her seat, + and patches of blue sky, visible only to the eye of faith and her husband, + failed to move her. Even his reckless reference to a cab failed. + </p> + <p> + “It's no good,” she said, tartly. “We can't go about the grounds in a cab, + and I'm not going to slop about in the wet to please anybody. We must go + another time. It's hard luck, but there's worse things in life.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Teak, wondering as to the operations of Mr. Chase, agreed dumbly. He + stopped the car at the corner of their road, and, holding his head down + against the rain, sprinted towards home. Mrs. Teak, anxious for her hat, + passed him. + </p> + <p> + “What on earth's the matter?” she inquired, fumbling in her pocket for the + key as her husband executed a clumsy but noisy breakdown on the front + step. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link010" id="link010"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="010.jpg (144K)" src="images/010.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “Chill,” replied Mr. Teak. “I've got wet.” + </p> + <p> + He resumed his lumberings and, the door being opened, gave vent to his + relief at being home again in the dry, in a voice that made the windows + rattle. Then with anxious eyes he watched his wife pass upstairs. + </p> + <p> + “Wonder what excuse old Alf'll make for being in?” he thought. + </p> + <p> + He stood with one foot on the bottom stair, listening acutely. He heard a + door open above, and then a wild, ear-splitting shriek rang through the + house. Instinctively he dashed upstairs and, following his wife into their + bedroom, stood by her side gaping stupidly at a pair of legs standing on + the hearthstone. As he watched they came backwards into the room, the + upper part of a body materialized from the chimney, and turning round + revealed the soot-stained face of Mr. Alfred Chase. Another wild shriek + from Mrs. Teak greeted its appearance. + </p> + <p> + “Hul-lo!” exclaimed Mr. Teak, groping for the right thing to say. “Hul-lo! + What—what are you doing, Alf?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Chase blew the soot from his lips. “I—I—I come 'ome + unexpected,” he stammered. + </p> + <p> + “But—what are—you doing?” panted Mrs. Teak, in a rising voice. + </p> + <p> + “I—I was passing your door,” said Mr. Chase, “passing your door—to + go to my room to—to 'ave a bit of a rinse, when—” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mrs. Teak. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Chase gave Mr. Teak a glance the pathos of which even the soot could + not conceal. “When I—I heard a pore little bird struggling in your + chimbley,” he continued, with a sigh of relief. “Being fond of animals, I + took the liberty of comin' into your room and saving its life.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Teak drew a breath, which he endeavoured in vain to render noiseless. + </p> + <p> + “It got its pore little foot caught in the brickwork,” continued the + veracious Mr. Chase, tenderly. “I released it, and it flowed—I mean + flew—up the chimbley.” + </p> + <p> + With the shamefaced air of a man detected in the performance of a noble + action, he passed out of the room. Husband and wife eyed each other. + </p> + <p> + “That's Alf—that's Alf all over,” said Mr. Teak, with enthusiasm. + “He's been like it from a child. He's the sort of man that 'ud dive off + Waterloo Bridge to save the life of a drownding sparrow.” + </p> + <p> + “He's made an awful mess,” said his wife, frowning; “it'll take me the + rest of the day to clean up. There's soot everywhere. The rug is quite + spoilt.” + </p> + <p> + She took off her hat and jacket and prepared for the fray. Down below + Messrs. Teak and Chase, comparing notes, sought, with much warmth, to put + the blame on the right shoulders. + </p> + <p> + “Well, it ain't there,” said Mr. Chase, finally. “I've made sure of that. + That's something towards it. I shan't 'ave to look there again, thank + goodness.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Teak sniffed. “Got any more ideas?” he queried. + </p> + <p> + “I have,” said the other sternly. “There's plenty of places to search yet. + I've only just begun. Get her out as much as you can and I'll 'ave my + hands on it afore you can say—” + </p> + <p> + “Soot?” suggested Mr. Teak, sourly. + </p> + <p> + “Any more of your nasty snacks and I chuck it up altogether,” said Mr. + Chase, heatedly. “If I wasn't hard up I'd drop it now.” + </p> + <p> + He went up to his room in dudgeon, and for the next few days Mr. Teak saw + but little of him. To, lure Mrs. Teak out was almost as difficult as to + persuade a snail to leave its shell, but he succeeded on two or three + occasions, and each time she added something to her wardrobe. + </p> + <p> + The assistant fortune-hunter had been in residence just a month when Mr. + Teak, returning home one afternoon, stood in the small passage listening + to a suppressed wailing noise proceeding from upstairs. It was so creepy + that half-way up he hesitated, and, in a stern but trembling voice, + demanded to know what his wife meant by it. A louder wail than before was + the only reply, and, summoning up his courage, he pushed open the door of + the bedroom and peeped in. His gaze fell on Mrs. Teak, who was sitting on + the hearth-rug, rocking to and fro in front of a dismantled fire-place. + </p> + <p> + “What—what's the matter?” he said, hastily. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Teak raised her voice to a pitch that set his teeth on edge. “My + money!” she wailed. “It's all gone! All gone!” + </p> + <p> + “Money?” repeated Mr. Teak, hardly able to contain himself. “What money?” + </p> + <p> + “All—all my savings!” moaned his wife. “Savings!” said the delighted + Mr. Teak. “What savings?” + </p> + <p> + “Money I have been putting by for our old age,” said his wife. “Three + hundred and twenty-two pounds. All gone!” + </p> + <p> + In a fit of sudden generosity Mr. Teak decided then and there that Mr. + Chase should have the odd twenty-two pounds. + </p> + <p> + “You're dreaming!” he said, sternly. + </p> + <p> + “I wish I was,” said his wife, wiping her eyes. “Three hundred and + twenty-two pounds in empty mustard-tins. Every ha'penny's gone!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Teak's eye fell on the stove. He stepped for ward and examined it. The + back was out, and Mrs. Teak, calling his attention to a tunnel at the + side, implored him to put his arm in and satisfy himself that it was + empty. + </p> + <p> + “But where could you get all that money from?” he demanded, after a + prolonged groping. + </p> + <p> + “Sa—sa—saved it,” sobbed his wife, “for our old age.” + </p> + <p> + “Our old age?” repeated Mr. Teak, in lofty tones. “And suppose I had died + first? Or suppose you had died sudden? This is what comes of deceitfulness + and keeping things from your husband. Now somebody has stole it.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Teak bent her head and sobbed again. “I—I had just been out for + —for an hour,” she gasped. “When I came back I fou—fou—found + the washhouse window smashed, and—” + </p> + <p> + Sobs choked her utterance. Mr. Teak, lost in admiration of Mr. Chase's + cleverness, stood regarding her in silence. + </p> + <p> + “What—what about the police?” said his wife at last. + </p> + <p> + “Police!” repeated Mr. Teak, with extraordinary vehemence. “Police! + Certainly not. D'ye think I'm going to let it be known all round that I'm + the husband of a miser? I'd sooner lose ten times the money.” + </p> + <p> + He stalked solemnly out of the room and downstairs, and, safe in the + parlour, gave vent to his feelings in a wild but silent hornpipe. He + cannoned against the table at last, and, subsiding into an easy-chair, + crammed his handkerchief to his mouth and gave way to suppressed mirth. + </p> + <p> + In his excitement he forgot all about tea, and the bereaved Mrs. Teak made + no attempt to come downstairs to prepare it. With his eye on the clock he + waited with what patience he might for the arrival of Mr. Chase. The usual + hour for his return came and went. Another hour passed; and another. A + horrible idea that Mr. Chase had been robbed gave way to one more horrible + still. He paced the room in dismay, until at nine o'clock his wife came + down, and in a languid fashion began to set the supper-table. + </p> + <p> + “Alf's very late,” said Mr. Teak, thickly. + </p> + <p> + “Is he?” said his wife, dully. + </p> + <p> + “Very late,” said Mr. Teak. “I can't think—Ah, there he is!” + </p> + <p> + He took a deep breath and clenched 'his hands together. By the time Mr. + Chase came into the room he was able to greet him with a stealthy wink. + Mr. Chase, with a humorous twist of his mouth, winked back. + </p> + <p> + “We've 'ad a upset,” said Mr. Teak, in warning tones. + </p> + <p> + “Eh?” said the other, as Mrs. Teak threw her apron over her head and sank + into a chair. “What about?” + </p> + <p> + In bated accents, interrupted at times by broken murmurs from his wife, + Mr. Teak informed him of the robbery. Mr. Chase, leaning against the + doorpost, listened with open mouth and distended eyeballs. Occasional + interjections of pity and surprise attested his interest. The tale + finished, the gentlemen exchanged a significant wink and sighed in unison. + </p> + <p> + “And now,” said Mr. Teak an hour later, after his wife had retired, “where + is it?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, that's the question,” said Mr. Chase, roguishly. “I wonder where it + can be?” + </p> + <p> + “I—I hope it's in a safe place,” said Mr. Teak, anxiously. “Where + 'ave you put it?” + </p> + <p> + “Me?” said Mr. Chase. “Who are you getting at? I ain't put it anywhere. + You know that.” + </p> + <p> + “Don't play the giddy goat,” said the other, testily. “Where've you hid + it? Is it safe?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Chase leaned back in his chair and, shaking his head at him, smiled + approvingly. “You're a little wonder, that's what you are, Gussie,” he + remarked. “No wonder your pore wife is took in so easy.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Teak sprang up in a fury. “Don't play the fool,” he said hoarsely. + “Where's the money? I want it. Now, where've you put it?” + </p> + <p> + “Go on,” said Mr. Chase, with a chuckle. “Go on. Don't mind me. You ought + to be on the stage, Gussie, that's where you ought to be.” + </p> + <p> + “I'm not joking,” said Mr. Teak, in a trembling voice, “and I don't want + you to joke with me. If you think you are going off with my money, you're + mistook. If you don't tell me in two minutes where it is, I shall give you + in charge for theft.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh” said Mr. Chase. He took a deep breath. “Oh, really!” he said. “I + wouldn't 'ave thought it of you, Gussie. I wouldn't 'ave thought you'd + have played it so low down. I'm surprised at you.” + </p> + <p> + “You thought wrong, then,” said the other. + </p> + <p> + “Trying to do me out o' my twenty pounds, that's what you are,” said Mr. + Chase, knitting his brows. “But it won't do, my boy. I wasn't born + yesterday. Hand it over, afore I lose my temper. Twenty pounds I want of + you, and I don't leave this room till I get it.” + </p> + <p> + Speechless with fury, Mr. Teak struck at him. The next moment the + supper-table was overturned with a crash, and Mr. Chase, with his friend + in his powerful grasp, was doing his best, as he expressed it, to shake + the life out of him. A faint scream sounded from above, steps pattered on + the stairs, and Mrs. Teak, with a red shawl round her shoulders, burst + 'hurriedly into the room. Mr. Chase released Mr. Teak, opened his mouth to + speak, and then, thinking better of it, dashed into the passage, took his + hat from the peg, and, slamming the front door with extraordinary + violence, departed. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link009" id="link009"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="009.jpg (101K)" src="images/009.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + He sent round for his clothes next day, but he did not see Mr. Teak until + a month afterwards. His fists clenched and his mouth hardened, but Mr. + Teak, with a pathetic smile, held out his hand, and Mr. Chase, after a + moment's hesitation, took it. Mr. Teak, still holding his friend's hand, + piloted him to a neighbouring hostelry. + </p> + <p> + “It was my mistake, Alf,” he said, shaking his head, “but it wasn't my + fault. It's a mistake anybody might ha' made.” + </p> + <p> + “Have you found out who took it?” inquired Mr. Chase, regarding him + suspiciously. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Teak gulped and nodded. “I met Bert Adams yesterday,” he said, slowly. + “It took three pints afore he told me, but I got it out of 'im at last. My + missis took it herself.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Chase put his mug down with a bang. “What?” he gasped. + </p> + <p> + “The day after she found you with your head up the chimbley,” added Mr. + Teak, mournfully. “She's shoved it away in some bank now, and I shall + never see a ha'penny of it. If you was a married man, Alf, you'd + understand it better. You wouldn't be surprised at anything.” + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <a name="linkc5" id="linkc5"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + WATCH-DOGS + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + “It's a'most the only enj'yment I've got left,” said the oldest + inhabitant, taking a long, slow draught of beer, “that and a pipe o' + baccy. Neither of 'em wants chewing, and that's a great thing when you + ain't got anything worth speaking about left to chew with.” + </p> + <p> + He put his mug on the table and, ignoring the stillness of the summer air, + sheltered the flame of a match between his cupped hands and conveyed it + with infinite care to the bowl of his pipe. A dull but crafty old eye + squinting down the stem assured itself that the tobacco was well alight + before the match was thrown away. + </p> + <p> + “As I was a-saying, kindness to animals is all very well,” he said to the + wayfarer who sat opposite him in the shade of the “Cauliflower” elms; “but + kindness to your feller-creeturs is more. The pint wot you give me is + gone, but I'm just as thankful to you as if it wasn't.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link011" id="link011"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="011.jpg (99K)" src="images/011.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + He half closed his eyes and, gazing on to the fields beyond, fell into a + reverie so deep that he failed to observe the landlord come for his mug + and return with it filled. A little start attested his surprise, and, to + his great annoyance, upset a couple of tablespoonfuls of the precious + liquid. + </p> + <p> + “Some people waste all their kindness on dumb animals,” he remarked, after + the landlord had withdrawn from his offended vision, “but I was never a + believer in it. I mind some time ago when a gen'lemen from Lunnon wot 'ad + more money than sense offered a prize for kindness to animals. I was the + only one that didn't try for to win it. + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Bunnett 'is name was, and 'e come down and took Farmer Hall's 'ouse + for the summer. Over sixty 'e was, and old enough to know better. He used + to put saucers of milk all round the 'ouse for cats to drink, and, by the + time pore Farmer Hall got back, every cat for three miles round 'ad got in + the habit of coming round to the back-door and asking for milk as if it + was their right. Farmer Hall poisoned a saucer o' milk at last, and then + 'ad to pay five shillings for a thin black cat with a mangy tail and one + eye that Bob Pretty said belonged to 'is children. Farmer Hall said he'd + go to jail afore he'd pay, at fust, but arter five men 'ad spoke the truth + and said they 'ad see Bob's youngsters tying a empty mustard-tin to its + tail on'y the day afore, he gave way. + </p> + <p> + “Tha was Bob Pretty all over, that was; the biggest raskel Claybury 'as + ever had; and it wasn't the fust bit o' money 'e made out o' Mr. Bunnett + coming to the place. + </p> + <p> + “It all come through Mr. Bunnett's love for animals. I never see a man so + fond of animals as 'e was, and if he had 'ad 'is way Claybury would 'ave + been overrun by 'em by this time. The day arter 'e got to the farm he + couldn't eat 'is breakfuss because of a pig that was being killed in the + yard, and it was no good pointing out to 'im that the pig was on'y making + a fuss about it because it was its nature so to do. He lived on wegetables + and such like, and the way 'e carried on one day over 'arf a biled + caterpillar 'e found in his cabbage wouldn't be believed. He wouldn't eat + another mossel, but sat hunting 'igh and low for the other 'arf. + </p> + <p> + “He 'adn't been in Claybury more than a week afore he said 'ow surprised + 'e was to see 'ow pore dumb animals was treated. He made a little speech + about it one evening up at the schoolroom, and, arter he 'ad finished, he + up and offered to give a prize of a gold watch that used to belong to 'is + dear sister wot loved animals, to the one wot was the kindest to 'em afore + he left the place. + </p> + <p> + “If he'd ha' known Claybury men better 'e wouldn't ha' done it. The very + next morning Bill Chambers took 'is baby's milk for the cat, and smacked + 'is wife's 'ead for talking arter he'd told 'er to stop. Henery Walker got + into trouble for leaning over Charlie Stubbs's fence and feeding his + chickens for 'im, and Sam Jones's wife had to run off 'ome to 'er mother + 'arf-dressed because she had 'appened to overlay a sick rabbit wot Sam 'ad + taken to bed with 'im to keep warm. + </p> + <p> + “People used to stop animals in the road and try and do 'em a kindness— + especially when Mr. Bunnett was passing—and Peter Gubbins walked + past 'is house one day with ole Mrs. Broad's cat in 'is arms. A + bad-tempered old cat it was, and, wot with Peter kissing the top of its + 'ead and calling of it Tiddleums, it nearly went out of its mind. + </p> + <p> + “The fust time Mr. Bunnett see Bob Pretty was about a week arter he'd + offered that gold watch. Bob was stooping down very careful over something + in the hedge, and Mr. Bunnett, going up quiet-like behind 'im, see 'im + messing about with a pore old toad he 'ad found, with a smashed leg. + </p> + <p> + “'Wots the matter with it?' ses Mr. Bunnett. + </p> + <p> + “Bob didn't seem to hear 'im. He was a-kneeling on the ground with 'is + 'ead on one side looking at the toad; and by and by he pulled out 'is + pocket'an'kercher and put the toad in it, as if it was made of egg-shells, + and walked away. + </p> + <p> + “'Wot's the matter with it?' ses Mr. Bunnett, a'most trotting to keep up + with 'im. + </p> + <p> + “'Got it's leg 'urt in some way, pore thing,' ses Bob. 'I want to get it + 'ome as soon as I can and wash it and put it on a piece o' damp moss. But + I'm afraid it's not long for this world.' + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Bunnett said it did 'im credit, and walked home alongside of 'im + talking. He was surprised to find that Bob hadn't 'eard anything of the + gold watch 'e was offering, but Bob said he was a busy, 'ard-working man + and didn't 'ave no time to go to hear speeches or listen to tittle-tattle. + </p> + <p> + “'When I've done my day's work,' he ses, 'I can always find a job in the + garden, and arter that I go in and 'elp my missis put the children to bed. + She ain't strong, pore thing, and it's better than wasting time and money + up at the “Cauliflower.”' + </p> + <p> + “He 'ad a lot o' talk with Mr. Bunnett for the next day or two, and when + 'e went round with the toad on the third day as lively and well as + possible the old gen'leman said it was a miracle. And so it would ha' been + if it had been the same toad. + </p> + <p> + “He took a great fancy to Bob Pretty, and somehow or other they was always + dropping acrost each other. He met Bob with 'is dog one day—a large, + ugly brute, but a'most as clever as wot Bob was 'imself. It stood there + with its tongue 'anging out and looking at Bob uneasy-like out of the + corner of its eye as Bob stood a-patting of it and calling it pet names. + </p> + <p> + “' Wunnerful affectionate old dog, ain't you, Joseph?' ses Bob. + </p> + <p> + “'He's got a kind eye,' ses Mr. Bunnett. + </p> + <p> + “'He's like another child to me, ain't you, my pretty?' ses Bob, smiling + at 'im and feeling in 'is pocket. 'Here you are, old chap.' + </p> + <p> + “He threw down a biskit so sudden that Joseph, thinking it was a stone, + went off like a streak o' lightning with 'is tail between 'is legs and + yelping his 'ardest. Most men would ha' looked a bit foolish, but Bob + Pretty didn't turn a hair. + </p> + <p> + “'Ain't it wunnerful the sense they've got,' he ses to Mr. Bunnett, wot + was still staring arter the dog. + </p> + <p> + “'Sense?' ses the old gen'leman. + </p> + <p> + “'Yes,' ses Bob smiling. 'His food ain't been agreeing with 'im lately and + he's starving hisself for a bit to get round agin, and 'e knew that 'e + couldn't trust hisself alongside o' this biskit. Wot a pity men ain't like + that with beer. I wish as 'ow Bill Chambers and Henery Walker and a few + more 'ad been 'ere just now.' + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Bunnett agreed with 'im, and said wot a pity it was everybody 'adn't + got Bob Pretty's commonsense and good feeling. + </p> + <p> + “'It ain't that,' ses Bob, shaking his 'ead at him; 'it ain't to my + credit. I dessay if Sam Jones and Peter Gubbins, and Charlie Stubbs and + Dicky Weed 'ad been brought up the same as I was they'd 'ave been a lot + better than wot I am.' + </p> + <p> + “He bid Mr. Bunnett good-bye becos 'e said he'd got to get back to 'is + work, and Mr. Bunnett had 'ardly got 'ome afore Henery Walker turned up + full of anxiousness to ask his advice about five little baby kittens wot + 'is old cat had found in the wash-place: the night afore. + </p> + <p> + “'Drownd them little innercent things, same as most would do, I can't,' he + ses, shaking his 'ead; 'but wot to do with 'em I don't know.' + </p> + <p> + “'Couldn't you find 'omes for 'em?' ses Mr. Bunnett. + </p> + <p> + “Henery Walker shook his 'ead agin. ''Tain't no use thinking o' that,' he + ses. 'There's more cats than 'omes about 'ere'. Why, Bill Chambers + drownded six o'ny last week right afore the eyes of my pore little boy. + Upset 'im dreadful it did.' + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Bunnett walked up and down the room thinking. 'We must try and find + 'omes for 'em when they are old enough,' he says at last; 'I'll go round + myself and see wot I can do for you.' + </p> + <p> + “Henery Walker thanked 'im and went off 'ome doing a bit o' thinking; and + well he 'ad reason to. Everybody wanted one o' them kittens. Peter Gubbins + offered for to take two, and Mr. Bunnett told Henery Walker next day that + 'e could ha' found 'omes for 'em ten times over. + </p> + <p> + “'You've no idea wot fine, kind-'arted people they are in this village + when their 'arts are touched,' he ses, smiling at Henery. 'You ought to + 'ave seen Mr. Jones's smile when I asked 'im to take one. It did me good + to see it. And I spoke to Mr. Chambers about drowning 'is kittens, and he + told me 'e hadn't slept a wink ever since. And he offered to take your old + cat to make up for it, if you was tired of keeping it. + </p> + <p> + “It was very 'ard on Henery Walker, I must say that. Other people was + getting the credit of bringing up 'is kittens, and more than that, they + used to ask Mr. Bunnett into their places to see 'ow the little dears was + a-getting on. + </p> + <p> + “Kindness to animals caused more unpleasantness in Claybury than anything + 'ad ever done afore. There was hardly a man as 'ud speak civil to each + other, and the wimmen was a'most as bad. Cats and dogs and such-like began + to act as if the place belonged to 'em, and seven people stopped Mr. + Bunnett one day to tell 'im that Joe Parsons 'ad been putting down + rat-poison and killed five little baby rats and their mother. + </p> + <p> + “It was some time afore anybody knew that Bob Pretty 'ad got 'is eye on + that gold watch, and when they did they could 'ardly believe it. They give + Bob credit for too much sense to waste time over wot they knew 'e couldn't + get, but arter they 'ad heard one or two things they got alarmed, and + pretty near the whole village went up to see Mr. Bunnett and tell 'im + about Bob's true character. Mr. Bunnett couldn't believe 'em at fast, but + arter they 'ad told 'im of Bob's poaching and the artful ways and tricks + he 'ad of getting money as didn't belong to 'im 'e began to think + different. He spoke to parson about 'im, and arter that 'e said he never + wanted for to see Bob Pretty's face again. + </p> + <p> + “There was a fine to-do about it up at this 'ere Cauliflower public-'ouse + that night, and the quietest man 'o the whole lot was Bob Pretty. He sat + still all the time drinking 'is beer and smiling at 'em and giving 'em + good advice 'ow to get that gold watch. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link012" id="link012"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="012.jpg (89K)" src="images/012.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “'It's no good to me,' he ses, shaking his 'ead. 'I'm a pore labourin' + man, and I know my place.' + </p> + <p> + “'Ow you could ever 'ave thought you 'ad a chance, Bob, I don't know,' ses + Henery Walker. + </p> + <p> + “'Ow's the toad, Bob?' ses Bill Chambers; and then they all laughed. + </p> + <p> + “'Laugh away, mates,' ses Bob; 'I know you don't mean it. The on'y thing + I'm sorry for is you can't all 'ave the gold watch, and I'm sure you've + worked 'ard enough for it; keeping Henery Walker's kittens for 'im, and + hanging round Mr. Bunnett's.' + </p> + <p> + “'We've all got a better chance than wot you 'ave, Bob,' ses little Dicky + Weed the tailor. + </p> + <p> + “The quietest man o' the whole lot was Bob Pretty” + </p> + <p> + “'Ah, that's your iggernerance, Dicky,' ses Bob. 'Come to think it over + quiet like, I'm afraid I shall win it arter all. Cos why? Cos I deserves + it.' + </p> + <p> + “They all laughed agin, and Bill Chambers laughed so 'arty that 'e joggled + Peter Gubbins's arm and upset 'is beer. + </p> + <p> + “'Laugh away,' ses Bob, pretending to get savage. 'Them that laughs best + laughs last, mind. I'll 'ave that watch now, just to spite you all.' + </p> + <p> + “'Ow are you going to get it, Bob?' ses Sam Jones, jeering. + </p> + <p> + “'Never you mind, mate,' ses Bob, stamping 'is foot; 'I'm going to win it + fair. I'm going to 'ave it for kindness to pore dumb animals.' + </p> + <p> + “Ear! 'ear!' ses Dicky Weed, winking at the others. 'Will you 'ave a bet + on it, Bob?' + </p> + <p> + “'No,' ses Bob Pretty; 'I don't want to win no man's money. I like to earn + my money in the sweat o' my brow.' + </p> + <p> + “'But you won't win it, Bob,' ses Dicky, grinning. 'Look 'ere! I'll lay + you a level bob you don't get it.' + </p> + <p> + “Bob shook his 'ead, and started talking to Bill Chambers about something + else. + </p> + <p> + “'I'll bet you two bob to one, Bob,' ses Dicky. 'Well, three to one, + then.' + </p> + <p> + “Bob sat up and looked at'im for a long time, considering, and at last he + ses, 'All right,' he ses, 'if Smith the landlord will mind the money I + will.' + </p> + <p> + “He 'anded over his shilling,' but very slow-like, and Dicky Weed 'anded + over 'is money. Arter that Bob sat looking disagreeable like, especially + when. Dicky said wot 'e was goin' to do with the money, and by an by Sam + Jones dared 'im to 'ave the same bet with 'im in sixpences. + </p> + <p> + “Bob Pretty 'ad a pint more beer to think it over, and arter Bill Chambers + 'ad stood 'im another, he said 'e would. He seemed a bit dazed like, and + by the time he went 'ome he 'ad made bets with thirteen of 'em. Being + Saturday night they 'ad all got money on 'em, and, as for Bob, he always + 'ad some. Smith took care of the money and wrote it all up on a slate. + </p> + <p> + “'Why don't you 'ave a bit on, Mr. Smith?' ses Dicky. + </p> + <p> + “'Oh, I dunno,' ses Smith, wiping down the bar with a wet cloth. + </p> + <p> + “'It's the chance of a lifetime,' ses Dicky. + </p> + <p> + “'Looks like it,' ses Smith, coughing. + </p> + <p> + “'But 'e can't win,' ses Sam Jones, looking a bit upset. 'Why, Mr. Bunnett + said 'e ought to be locked up.' + </p> + <p> + “'He's been led away,' ses Bob Pretty, shaking his 'ead. 'He's a + kind-'arted old gen'leman when 'e's left alone, and he'll soon see wot a + mistake 'e's made about me. I'll show 'im. But I wish it was something + more useful than a gold watch.' + </p> + <p> + “'You ain't got it yet,' ses Bill Chambers. + </p> + <p> + “'No, mate,' ses Bob. + </p> + <p> + “'And you stand to lose a sight o' money,' ses Sam Jones. 'If you like, + Bob Pretty, you can 'ave your bet back with me.' + </p> + <p> + “'Never mind, Sam,' ses Bob; 'I won't take no advantage of you. If I lose + you'll 'ave sixpence to buy a rabbit-hutch with. Good-night, mates all.' + </p> + <p> + “He rumpled Bill Chambers's 'air for 'im as he passed—a thing Bill + never can a-bear—and gave Henery Walker, wot was drinking beer, a + smack on the back wot nearly ruined 'im for life. + </p> + <p> + “Some of 'em went and told Mr. Bunnett some more things about Bob next + day, but they might as well ha' saved their breath. The old gen'leman said + he knew all about 'im and he never wanted to 'ear his name mentioned agin. + Arter which they began for to 'ave a more cheerful way of looking at + things; and Sam Jones said 'e was going to 'ave a hole bored through 'is + sixpence and wear it round 'is neck to aggravate Bob Pretty with. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link013" id="link013"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="013.jpg (98K)" src="images/013.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “For the next three or four weeks Bob Pretty seemed to keep very quiet, + and we all began to think as 'ow he 'ad made a mistake for once. Everybody + else was trying their 'ardest for the watch, and all Bob done was to make + a laugh of 'em and to say he believed it was on'y made of brass arter all. + Then one arternoon, just a few days afore Mr. Bunnett's time was up at the + farm, Bob took 'is dog out for a walk, and arter watching the farm for + some time met the old gen'leman by accident up at Coe's plantation. + </p> + <p> + “'Good arternoon, sir,' he ses, smiling at 'im. 'Wot wunnerful fine + weather we're a-having for the time o' year. I've just brought Joseph out + for a bit of a walk. He ain't been wot I might call hisself for the last + day or two, and I thought a little fresh air might do 'im good.' + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Bunnett just looked at him, and then 'e passed 'im by without a word. + </p> + <p> + “'I wanted to ask your advice about 'im,' ses Bob, turning round and + follering of 'im. 'He's a delikit animal, and sometimes I wonder whether I + 'aven't been a-pampering of 'im too much.' + </p> + <p> + “'Go away,' ses Mr. Bunnett; 'I've'eard all about you. Go away at once.' + </p> + <p> + “'Heard all about me?' ses Bob Pretty, looking puzzled. 'Well, you can't + 'ave heard no 'arm, that's one comfort.' + </p> + <p> + “'I've been told your true character,' ses the old gen'leman, very firm. + 'And I'm ashamed that I should have let myself be deceived by you. I hope + you'll try and do better while there is still time.' + </p> + <p> + “'If anybody 'as got anything to say agin my character,' says Bob, 'I wish + as they'd say it to my face. I'm a pore, hard-working man, and my + character's all I've got.' + </p> + <p> + “'You're poorer than you thought you was then,' says Mr. Bunnett. 'I wish + you good arternoon.' + </p> + <p> + “'Good arternoon, sir,' ses Bob, very humble. 'I'm afraid some on 'em 'ave + been telling lies about me, and I didn't think I'd got a enemy in the + world. Come on, Joseph. Come on, old pal. We ain't wanted here.' + </p> + <p> + “He shook 'is 'ead with sorrow, and made a little sucking noise between + 'is teeth, and afore you could wink, his dog 'ad laid hold of the old + gen'leman's leg and kep' quiet waiting orders. + </p> + <p> + “'Help!' screams Mr. Bunnett. 'Call, 'im off! Call 'im off!' + </p> + <p> + “Bob said arterwards that 'e was foolish enough to lose 'is presence o' + mind for a moment, and instead o' doing anything he stood there gaping + with 'is mouth open. + </p> + <p> + “'Call 'im off!' screams Mr. Bunnett, trying to push the dog away. 'Why + don't you call him off?' + </p> + <p> + “'Don't move,' ses Bob Pretty in a frightened voice. 'Don't move, wotever + you do.' + </p> + <p> + “'Call him off! Take 'im away!' ses Mr. Bunnett. + </p> + <p> + “'Why, Joseph! Joseph! Wotever are you a-thinking of?' ses Bob, shaking + 'is 'ead at the dog. 'I'm surprised at you! Don't you know Mr. Bunnett wot + is so fond of animals?' + </p> + <p> + “'If you don't call 'im off, ses Mr. Bunnett, trembling all over, 'I'll + have you locked up.' + </p> + <p> + “'I am a-calling 'im off,' ses Bob, looking very puzzled. 'Didn't you 'ear + me? It's you making that noise that excites 'im, I think. P'r'aps if you + keep quiet he'll leave go. Come off, Joseph, old boy, there's a good + doggie. That ain't a bone.' + </p> + <p> + “'It's no good talking to 'im like that,' ses Mr. Bunnett, keeping quiet + but trembling worse than ever. 'Make him let go.' + </p> + <p> + “'I don't want to 'urt his feelings,' ses Bob; 'they've got their feelings + the same as wot we 'ave. Besides, p'r'aps it ain't 'is fault— + p'r'aps he's gone mad.' + </p> + <p> + “'HELP!' ses the old gen'leman, in a voice that might ha' been heard a + mile away. 'HELP!' + </p> + <p> + “'Why don't you keep quiet?' ses Bob. 'You're on'y frightening the pore + animal and making things worse. Joseph, leave go and I'll see whether + there's a biskit in my pocket. Why don't you leave go?' + </p> + <p> + “'Pull him off. Hit 'im,' ses Mr. Bunnett, shouting. + </p> + <p> + “'Wot?' ses Bob Pretty, with a start. 'Hit a poor, dumb animal wot don't + know no better! Why, you'd never forgive me, sir, and I should lose the + gold watch besides.' + </p> + <p> + “'No, you won't,' ses Mr. Bunnett, speaking very fast. 'You'll 'ave as + much chance of it as ever you had. Hit 'im! Quick!' + </p> + <p> + “'It 'ud break my 'art,' ses Bob. 'He'd never forgive me; but if you'll + take the responserbility, and then go straight 'ome and give me the gold + watch now for kindness to animals, I will.' + </p> + <p> + “He shook his 'ead with sorrow and made that sucking noise agin.' + </p> + <p> + “'All right, you shall 'ave it,' ses Mr. Bunnett, shouting. 'You shall + 'ave it.' + </p> + <p> + “'For kindness to animals?' ses Bob. 'Honour bright?' + </p> + <p> + “'Yes,' ses Mr. Bunnett. + </p> + <p> + “Bob Pretty lifted 'is foot and caught Joseph one behind that surprised + 'im. Then he 'elped Mr. Bunnett look at 'is leg, and arter pointing out + that the skin wasn't hardly broken, and saying that Joseph 'ad got the + best mouth of any dog in Claybury, 'e walked 'ome with the old gen'leman + and got the watch. He said Mr. Bunnett made a little speech when 'e gave + it to 'im wot he couldn't remember, and wot he wouldn't repeat if 'e + could. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link014" id="link014"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="014.jpg (77K)" src="images/014.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “He came up to this 'ere Cauliflower public-'ouse the same night for the + money 'e had won, and Bill Chambers made another speech, but, as Smith the + landlord put' in outside for it, it didn't do Bob Pretty the good it ought + to ha' done.” + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <a name="linkc6" id="linkc6"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE BEQUEST + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + R. Robert Clarkson sat by his fire, smoking thoughtfully. His lifelong + neighbour and successful rival in love had passed away a few days before, + and Mr. Clarkson, fresh from the obsequies, sat musing on the fragility of + man and the inconvenience that sometimes attended his departure. + </p> + <p> + His meditations were disturbed by a low knocking on the front door, which + opened on to the street. In response to his invitation it opened slowly, + and a small middle-aged man of doleful aspect entered softly and closed it + behind him. + </p> + <p> + “Evening, Bob,” he said, in stricken accents. “I thought I'd just step + round to see how you was bearing up. Fancy pore old Phipps! Why, I'd + a'most as soon it had been me. A'most.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link016" id="link016"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="016.jpg (169K)" src="images/016.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson nodded. + </p> + <p> + “Here to-day and gone to-morrow,” continued Mr. Smithson, taking a seat. + “Well, well! So you'll have her at last-pore thing.” + </p> + <p> + “That was his wish,” said Mr. Clarkson, in a dull voice. + </p> + <p> + “And very generous of him too,” said Mr. Smithson. “Everybody is saying + so. Certainly he couldn't take her away with him. How long is it since you + was both of you courting her?” + </p> + <p> + “Thirty years come June,” replied the other. + </p> + <p> + “Shows what waiting does, and patience,” commented Mr. Smithson. “If you'd + been like some chaps and gone abroad, where would you have been now? Where + would have been the reward of your faithful heart?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson, whose pipe had gone out, took a coal from the fire and lit + it again. + </p> + <p> + “I can't understand him dying at his age,” he said, darkly. “He ought to + have lived to ninety if he'd been taken care of.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, he's gone, pore chap,” said his friend. “What a blessing it must + ha' been to him in his last moments to think that he had made provision + for his wife.” + </p> + <p> + “Provision!” exclaimed Mr. Clarkson. “Why he's left her nothing but the + furniture and fifty pounds insurance money—nothing in the world.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson fidgeted. “I mean you,” he said, staring. + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” said the other. “Oh, yes—yes, of course.” + </p> + <p> + “And he doesn't want you to eat your heart out in waiting,” said Mr. + Smithson. “'Never mind about me,' he said to her; 'you go and make Bob + happy.' Wonderful pretty girl she used to be, didn't she?” Mr. Clarkson + assented. + </p> + <p> + “And I've no doubt she looks the same to you as ever she did,” pursued the + sentimental Mr. Smithson. “That's the extraordinary part of it.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson turned and eyed him; removed the pipe from his mouth, and, + after hesitating a moment, replaced it with a jerk. + </p> + <p> + “She says she'd rather be faithful to his memory,” continued the + persevering Mr. Smithson, “but his wishes are her law. She said so to my + missis only yesterday.” + </p> + <p> + “Still, she ought to be considered,” said Mr. Clarkson, shaking his head. + “I think that somebody ought to put it to her. She has got her feelings, + poor thing, and, if she would rather not marry again, she oughtn't to be + compelled to.” + </p> + <p> + “Just what my missis did say to her,” said the other; “but she didn't pay + much attention. She said it was Henry's wish and she didn't care what + happened to her now he's gone. Besides, if you come to think of it, what + else is she to do? Don't you worry, Bob; you won't lose her again.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson, staring at the fire, mused darkly. For thirty years he had + played the congenial part of the disappointed admirer but faithful friend. + He had intended to play it for at least fifty or sixty. He wished that he + had had the strength of mind to refuse the bequest when the late Mr. + Phipps first mentioned it, or taken a firmer line over the congratulations + of his friends. As it was, Little Molton quite understood that after + thirty years' waiting the faithful heart was to be rewarded at last. + Public opinion seemed to be that the late Mr. Phipps had behaved with + extraordinary generosity. + </p> + <p> + “It's rather late in life for me to begin,” said Mr. Clarkson at last. + </p> + <p> + “Better late than never,” said the cheerful Mr. Smithson. + </p> + <p> + “And something seems to tell me that I ain't long for this world,” + continued Mr. Clarkson, eyeing him with some disfavour. + </p> + <p> + “Stuff and nonsense,” said Mr. Smithson. “You'll lose all them ideas as + soon as you're married. You'll have somebody to look after you and help + you spend your money.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson emitted a dismal groan, and clapping his hand over his mouth + strove to make it pass muster as a yawn. It was evident that the malicious + Mr. Smithson was deriving considerable pleasure from his discomfiture—the + pleasure natural to the father of seven over the troubles of a comfortable + bachelor. Mr. Clarkson, anxious to share his troubles with somebody, came + to a sudden and malicious determination to share them with Mr. Smithson. + </p> + <p> + “I don't want anybody to help me spend my money,” he said, slowly. “First + and last I've saved a tidy bit. I've got this house, those three cottages + in Turner's Lane, and pretty near six hundred pounds in the bank.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson's eyes glistened. + </p> + <p> + “I had thought—it had occurred to me,” said Mr. Clarkson, trying to + keep as near the truth as possible, “to leave my property to a friend o' + mine —a hard-working man with a large family. However, it's no use + talking about that now. It's too late.” + </p> + <p> + “Who—who was it?” inquired his friend, trying to keep his voice + steady. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson shook his head. “It's no good talking about that now, + George,” he said, eyeing him with sly enjoyment. “I shall have to leave + everything to my wife now. After all, perhaps it does more harm than good + to leave money to people.” + </p> + <p> + “Rubbish!” said Mr. Smithson, sharply. “Who was it?” + </p> + <p> + “You, George,” said Mr. Clarkson, softly. + </p> + <p> + “Me?” said the other, with a gasp. “Me?” He jumped up from his chair, and, + seizing the other's hand, shook it fervently. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link015" id="link015"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="015.jpg (108K)" src="images/015.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “I oughtn't to have told you, George,” said Mr. Clarkson, with great + satisfaction. “It'll only make you miserable. It's just one o' the might + ha' beens.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson, with his back to the fire and his hands twisted behind him, + stood with his eyes fixed in thought. + </p> + <p> + “It's rather cool of Phipps,” he said, after a long silence; “rather cool, + I think, to go out of the world and just leave his wife to you to look + after. Some men wouldn't stand it. You're too easy-going, Bob, that's + what's the matter with you.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson sighed. + </p> + <p> + “And get took advantage of,” added his friend. + </p> + <p> + “It's all very well to talk,” said Mr. Clarkson, “but what can I do? I + ought to have spoke up at the time. It's too late now.” + </p> + <p> + “If I was you,” said his friend very earnestly, “and didn't want to marry + her, I should tell her so. Say what you like it ain't fair to her you + know. It ain't fair to the pore woman. She'd never forgive you if she + found it out.” + </p> + <p> + “Everybody's taking it for granted,” said the other. + </p> + <p> + “Let everybody look after their own business,” said Mr. Smithson, tartly. + “Now, look here, Bob; suppose I get you out of this business, how am I to + be sure you'll leave your property to me?—not that I want it. + Suppose you altered your will?” + </p> + <p> + “If you get me out of it, every penny I leave will go to you,” said Mr. + Clarkson, fervently. “I haven't got any relations, and it don't matter in + the slightest to me who has it after I'm gone.” + </p> + <p> + “As true as you stand there?” demanded the other, eyeing him fixedly. + </p> + <p> + “As true as I stand here,” said Mr. Clarkson, smiting his chest, and shook + hands again. + </p> + <p> + Long after his visitor had gone he sat gazing in a brooding fashion at the + fire. As a single man his wants were few, and he could live on his + savings; as the husband of Mrs. Phipps he would be compelled to resume the + work he thought he had dropped for good three years before. Moreover, Mrs. + Phipps possessed a strength of character that had many times caused him to + congratulate himself upon her choice of a husband. + </p> + <p> + Slowly but surely his fetters were made secure. Two days later the widow + departed to spend six weeks with a sister; but any joy that he might have + felt over the circumstance was marred by the fact that he had to carry her + bags down to the railway station and see her off. The key of her house was + left with him, with strict injunctions to go in and water her geraniums + every day, while two canaries and a bullfinch had to be removed to his own + house in order that they might have constant attention and company. + </p> + <p> + “She's doing it on purpose,” said Mr. Smithson, fiercely; “she's binding + you hand and foot.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson assented gloomily. “I'm trusting to you, George,” he + remarked. + </p> + <p> + “How'd it be to forget to water the geraniums and let the birds die + because they missed her so much?” suggested Mr. Smithson, after prolonged + thought. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson shivered. + </p> + <p> + “It would be a hint,” said his friend. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson took some letters from the mantelpiece and held them up. “She + writes about them every day,” he said, briefly, “and I have to answer + them.” + </p> + <p> + “She—she don't refer to your getting married, I suppose?” said his + friend, anxiously. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson said “No. But her sister does,” he added. “I've had two + letters from her.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson got up and paced restlessly up and down the room. “That's + women all over,” he said, bitterly. “They never ask for things straight + out; but they always get 'em in roundabout ways. She can't do it herself, + so she gets her sister to do it.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson groaned. “And her sister is hinting that she can't leave the + house where she spent so many happy years,” he said, “and says what a + pleasant surprise it would be for Mrs. Phipps if she was to come home and + find it done up.” + </p> + <p> + “That means you've got to live there when you're married,” said his + friend, solemnly. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson glanced round his comfortable room and groaned again. “She + asked me to get an estimate from Digson,” he said, dully. “She knows as + well as I do her sister hasn't got any money. I wrote to say that it had + better be left till she comes home, as I might not know what was wanted.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson nodded approval. + </p> + <p> + “And Mrs. Phipps wrote herself and thanked me for being so considerate,” + continued his friend, grimly, “and says that when she comes back we must + go over the house together and see what wants doing.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson got up and walked round the room again. + </p> + <p> + “You never promised to marry her?” he said, stopping suddenly. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the other. “It's all been arranged for me. I never said a word. + I couldn't tell Phipps I wouldn't have her with them all standing round, + and him thinking he was doing me the greatest favour in the world.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, she can't name the day unless you ask her,” said the other. “All + you've got to do is to keep quiet and not commit yourself. Be as cool as + you can, and, just before she comes home, you go off to London on business + and stay there as long as possible.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson carried out his instructions to the letter, and Mrs. Phipps, + returning home at the end of her visit, learned that he had left for + London three days before, leaving the geraniums and birds to the care of + Mr. Smithson. From the hands of that unjust steward she received two empty + bird-cages, together with a detailed account of the manner in which the + occupants had effected their escape, and a bullfinch that seemed to be + suffering from torpid liver. The condition of the geraniums was ascribed + to worms in the pots, frost, and premature decay. + </p> + <p> + “They go like it sometimes,” said Mr. Smithson, “and when they do nothing + will save 'em.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Phipps thanked him. “It's very kind of you to take so much trouble,” + she said, quietly; “some people would have lost the cages too while they + were about it.” + </p> + <p> + “I did my best,” said Mr. Smithson, in a surly voice. + </p> + <p> + “I know you did,” said Mrs. Phipps, thoughtfully, “and I am sure I am much + obliged to you. If there is anything of yours I can look after at any time + I shall be only too pleased. When did you say Mr. Clarkson was coming + back?” + </p> + <p> + “He don't know,” said Mr. Smithson, promptly. “He might be away a month; + and then, again, he might be away six. It all depends. You know what + business is.” + </p> + <p> + “It's very thoughtful of him,” said Mrs. Phipps. “Very.” + </p> + <p> + “Thoughtful!” repeated Mr. Smithson. + </p> + <p> + “He has gone away for a time out of consideration for me,” said the widow. + “As things are, it is a little bit awkward for us to meet much at + present.” + </p> + <p> + “I don't think he's gone away for that at all,” said the other, bluntly. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Phipps shook her head. “Ah, you don't know him as well as I do,” she + said, fondly. “He has gone away on my account, I feel sure.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson screwed his lips together and remained silent. + </p> + <p> + “When he feels that it is right and proper for him to come back,” pursued + Mrs. Phipps, turning her eyes upwards, “he will come. He has left his + comfortable home just for my sake, and I shall not forget it.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson coughed-a short, dry cough, meant to convey incredulity. + </p> + <p> + “I shall not do anything to this house till he comes back,” said Mrs. + Phipps. “I expect he would like to have a voice in it. He always used to + admire it and say how comfortable it was. Well, well, we never know what + is before us.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson repeated the substance of the interview to Mr. Clarkson by + letter, and in the lengthy correspondence that followed kept him posted as + to the movements of Mrs. Phipps. By dint of warnings and entreaties he + kept the bridegroom-elect in London for three months. By that time Little + Molton was beginning to talk. + </p> + <p> + “They're beginning to see how the land lays,” said Mr. Smithson, on the + evening of his friend's return, “and if you keep quiet and do as I tell + you she'll begin to see it too. As I said before, she can't name the day + till you ask her.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson agreed, and the following morning, when he called upon Mrs. + Phipps at her request, his manner was so distant that she attributed it to + ill-health following business worries and the atmosphere of London. In the + front parlour Mr. Digson, a small builder and contractor, was busy + whitewashing. + </p> + <p> + “I thought we might as well get on with that,” said Mrs. Phipps; “there is + only one way of doing whitewashing, and the room has got to be done. + To-morrow Mr. Digson will bring up some papers, and, if you'll come round, + you can help me choose.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson hesitated. “Why not choose 'em yourself?” he said at last. + </p> + <p> + “Just what I told her,” said Mr. Digson, stroking his black beard. + “What'll please you will be sure to please him, I says; and if it don't it + ought to.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link017" id="link017"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="017.jpg (130K)" src="images/017.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson started. “Perhaps you could help her choose,” he said, + sharply. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Digson came down from his perch. “Just what I said,” he replied. “If + Mrs. Phipps will let me advise her, I'll make this house so she won't know + it before I've done with it.” + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Digson has been very kind,” said Mrs. Phipps, reproachfully. + </p> + <p> + “Not at all, ma'am,” said the builder, softly. “Anything I can do to make + you happy or comfortable will be a pleasure to me.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson started again, and an odd idea sent his blood dancing. Digson + was a widower; Mrs. Phipps was a widow. Could anything be more suitable or + desirable? + </p> + <p> + “Better let him choose,” he said. “After all, he ought to be a good + judge.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Phipps, after a faint protest, gave way, and Mr. Digson, smiling + broadly, mounted his perch again. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson's first idea was to consult Mr. Smithson; then he resolved to + wait upon events. The idea was fantastic to begin with, but, if things did + take such a satisfactory turn, he could not help reflecting that it would + not be due to any efforts on the part of Mr. Smithson, and he would no + longer be under any testamentary obligations to that enterprising + gentleman. + </p> + <p> + By the end of a week he was jubilant. A child could have told Mr. Digson's + intentions—and Mrs. Phipps was anything but a child. Mr. Clarkson + admitted cheerfully that Mr. Digson was a younger and better-looking man + than himself—a more suitable match in every way. And, so far as he + could judge, Mrs. Phipps seemed to think so. At any rate, she had ceased + to make the faintest allusion to any tie between them. He left her one day + painting a door, while the attentive Digson guided the brush, and walked + homewards smiling. + </p> + <p> + “Morning!” said a voice behind him. + </p> + <p> + “Morning, Bignell,” said Mr. Clarkson. + </p> + <p> + “When—when is it to be?” inquired his friend, walking beside him. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson frowned. “When is what to be?” he demanded, disagreeably. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Bignell lowered his voice. “You'll lose her if you ain't careful,” he + said. “Mark my words. Can't you see Digson's little game?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson shrugged his shoulders. + </p> + <p> + “He's after her money,” said the other, with a cautious glance around. + </p> + <p> + “Money?” said the other, with an astonished laugh. “Why, she hasn't got + any.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, all right,” said Mr. Bignell. “You know best of course. I was just + giving you the tip, but if you know better—why, there's nothing more + to be said. She'll be riding in her carriage and pair in six months, + anyhow; the richest woman in Little Molton.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link018" id="link018"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="018.jpg (98K)" src="images/018.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson stopped short and eyed him in perplexity. + </p> + <p> + “Digson got a bit sprung one night and told me,” said Mr. Bignell. “She + don't know it herself yet—uncle on her mother's side in America. She + might know at any moment.” + </p> + <p> + “But—but how did Digson know?” inquired the astonished Mr. Clarkson. + </p> + <p> + “He wouldn't tell me,” was the reply. “But it's good enough for him. What + do you think he's after? Her? And mind, don't let on to a soul that I told + you.” + </p> + <p> + He walked on, leaving Mr. Clarkson standing in a dazed condition in the + centre of the foot-path. Recovering himself by an effort, he walked slowly + away, and, after prowling about for some time in an aimless fashion, made + his way back to Mrs. Phipps's house. + </p> + <p> + He emerged an hour later an engaged man, with the date of the wedding + fixed. With jaunty steps he walked round and put up the banns, and then, + with the air of a man who has completed a successful stroke of business, + walked homewards. + </p> + <p> + Little Molton is a small town and news travels fast, but it did not travel + faster than Mr. Smithson as soon as he had heard it. He burst into Mr. + Clarkson's room like the proverbial hurricane, and, gasping for breath, + leaned against the table and pointed at him an incriminating finger. + </p> + <p> + “You you've been running,” said Mr. Clarkson, uneasily. + </p> + <p> + “What—what—what do you—mean by it?” gasped Mr. Smithson. + “After all my trouble. After our—bargain.” + </p> + <p> + “I altered my mind,” said Mr. Clarkson, with dignity. + </p> + <p> + “Pah!” said the other. + </p> + <p> + “Just in time,” said Mr. Clarkson, speaking rapidly. “Another day and I + believe I should ha' been too late. It took me pretty near an hour to talk + her over. Said I'd been neglecting her, and all that sort of thing; said + that she was beginning to think I didn't want her. As hard a job as ever I + had in my life.” + </p> + <p> + “But you didn't want her,” said the amazed Mr. Smithson. “You told me so.” + </p> + <p> + “You misunderstood me,” said Mr. Clarkson, coughing. “You jump at + conclusions.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson sat staring at him. “I heard,” he said at last, with an + effort... “I heard that Digson was paying her attentions.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Clarkson spoke without thought. “Ha, he was only after her money,” he + said, severely. “Good heavens! What's the matter?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson, who had sprung to his feet, made no reply, but stood for + some time incapable of speech. + </p> + <p> + “What—is—the—matter?” repeated Mr. Clarkson. “Ain't you + well?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson swayed a little, and sank slowly back into his chair again. + </p> + <p> + “Room's too hot,” said his astonished host. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson, staring straight before him, nodded. + </p> + <p> + “As I was saying,” resumed Mr. Clarkson, in the low tones of confidence, + “Digson was after her money. Of course her money don't make any difference + to me, although, perhaps, I may be able to do something for friends like + you. It's from an uncle in America on her mother's—” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Smithson made a strange moaning noise, and, snatching his hat from the + table, clapped it on his head and made for the door. Mr. Clarkson flung + his arms around him and dragged him back by main force. + </p> + <p> + “What are you carrying on like that for?” he demanded. “What do you mean + by it?” + </p> + <p> + “Fancy!” returned Mr. Smithson, with intense bitterness. “I thought Digson + was the biggest fool in the place, and I find I've made a mistake. So have + you. Good-night.” + </p> + <p> + He opened the door and dashed out. Mr. Clarkson, with a strange sinking at + his heart, watched him up the road. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <a name="linkc7" id="linkc7"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE GUARDIAN ANGEL + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The night-watchman shook his head. “I never met any of these phil— + philantherpists, as you call 'em,” he said, decidedly. “If I 'ad they + wouldn't 'ave got away from me in a hurry, I can tell you. I don't say I + don't believe in 'em; I only say I never met any of 'em. If people do you + a kindness it's generally because they want to get something out of you; + same as a man once—a perfick stranger—wot stood me eight + 'arf-pints becos I reminded 'im of his dead brother, and then borrered + five bob off of me. + </p> + <p> + “O' course, there must be some kind-'arted people in the world—all + men who get married must 'ave a soft spot somewhere, if it's only in the + 'ead—but they don't often give things away. Kind-'artedness is often + only another name for artfulness, same as Sam Small's kindness to Ginger + Dick and Peter Russet. + </p> + <p> + “It started with a row. They was just back from a v'y'ge and 'ad taken a + nice room together in Wapping, and for the fust day or two, wot with + 'aving plenty o' money to spend and nothing to do, they was like three + brothers. Then, in a little, old-fashioned public-'ouse down Poplar way, + one night they fell out over a little joke Ginger played on Sam. + </p> + <p> + “It was the fust drink that evening, and Sam 'ad just ordered a pot o' + beer and three glasses, when Ginger winked at the landlord and offered to + bet Sam a level 'arf-dollar that 'e wouldn't drink off that pot o' beer + without taking breath. The landlord held the money, and old Sam, with a + 'appy smile on 'is face, 'ad just taken up the mug, when he noticed the + odd way in which they was all watching him. Twice he took the mug up and + put it down agin without starting and asked 'em wot the little game was, + but they on'y laughed. He took it up the third time and started, and he + 'ad just got about 'arf-way through when Ginger turns to the landlord and + ses— + </p> + <p> + “'Did you catch it in the mouse-trap,' he ses, 'or did it die of poison?' + </p> + <p> + “Pore Sam started as though he 'ad been shot, and, arter getting rid of + the beer in 'is mouth, stood there 'olding the mug away from 'im and + making such 'orrible faces that they was a'most frightened. + </p> + <p> + “'Wot's the matter with him? I've never seen 'im carry on like that over a + drop of beer before,' ses Ginger, staring. + </p> + <p> + “'He usually likes it,' ses Peter Russet. + </p> + <p> + “'Not with a dead mouse in it,' ses Sam, trembling with passion. + </p> + <p> + “'Mouse?' ses Ginger, innercent-like. 'Mouse? Why, I didn't say it was in + your beer, Sam. Wotever put that into your 'ead?' + </p> + <p> + “'And made you lose your bet,' ses Peter. + </p> + <p> + “Then old Sam see 'ow he'd been done, and the way he carried on when the + landlord gave Ginger the 'arf-dollar, and said it was won fair and honest, + was a disgrace. He 'opped about that bar 'arf crazy, until at last the + landlord and 'is brother, and a couple o' soldiers, and a helpless cripple + wot wos selling matches, put 'im outside and told 'im to stop there. + </p> + <p> + “He stopped there till Ginger and Peter came out, and then, drawing + 'imself up in a proud way, he told 'em their characters and wot he thought + about 'em. And he said 'e never wanted to see wot they called their faces + agin as long as he lived. + </p> + <p> + “'I've done with you,' he ses, 'both of you, for ever.' + </p> + <p> + “'All right,' ses Ginger moving off. 'Ta-ta for the present. Let's 'ope + he'll come 'ome in a better temper, Peter.' + </p> + <p> + “'Ome?' ses Sam, with a nasty laugh, “'ome? D'ye think I'm coming back to + breathe the same air as you, Ginger? D'ye think I want to be suffocated?' + </p> + <p> + “He held his 'ead up very 'igh, and, arter looking at them as if they was + dirt, he turned round and walked off with his nose in the air to spend the + evening by 'imself. + </p> + <p> + “His temper kept him up for a time, but arter a while he 'ad to own up to + 'imself that it was very dull, and the later it got the more he thought of + 'is nice warm bed. The more 'e thought of it the nicer and warmer it + seemed, and, arter a struggle between his pride and a few 'arf-pints, he + got 'is good temper back agin and went off 'ome smiling. + </p> + <p> + “The room was dark when 'e got there, and, arter standing listening a + moment to Ginger and Peter snoring, he took off 'is coat and sat down on + 'is bed to take 'is boots off. He only sat down for a flash, and then he + bent down and hit his 'ead an awful smack against another 'ead wot 'ad + just started up to see wot it was sitting on its legs. + </p> + <p> + “He thought it was Peter or Ginger in the wrong bed at fust, but afore he + could make it out Ginger 'ad got out of 'is own bed and lit the candle. + Then 'e saw it was a stranger in 'is bed, and without saying a word he + laid 'old of him by the 'air and began dragging him out. + </p> + <p> + “'Here, stop that!' ses Ginger catching hold of 'im. 'Lend a hand 'ere, + Peter.' + </p> + <p> + “Peter lent a hand and screwed it into the back o' Sam's neck till he made + 'im leave go, and then the stranger, a nasty-looking little chap with a + yellow face and a little dark moustache, told Sam wot he'd like to do to + him. + </p> + <p> + “'Who are you?' ses Sam, 'and wot are you a-doing of in my bed?' + </p> + <p> + “'It's our lodger,' ses Ginger. + </p> + <p> + “'Your wot?' ses Sam, 'ardly able to believe his ears. + </p> + <p> + “'Our lodger,' ses Peter Russet. 'We've let 'im the bed you said you + didn't want for sixpence a night. Now you take yourself off.' + </p> + <p> + “Old Sam couldn't speak for a minute; there was no words that he knew bad + enough, but at last he licks 'is lips and he ses, 'I've paid for that bed + up to Saturday, and I'm going to have it.' + </p> + <p> + “He rushed at the lodger, but Peter and Ginger got hold of 'im agin and + put 'im down on the floor and sat on 'im till he promised to be'ave + himself. They let 'im get up at last, and then, arter calling themselves + names for their kind-'artedness, they said if he was very good he might + sleep on the floor. + </p> + <p> + “Sam looked at 'em for a moment, and then, without a word, he took off 'is + boots and put on 'is coat and went up in a corner to be out of the + draught, but, wot with the cold and 'is temper, and the hardness of the + floor, it was a long time afore 'e could get to sleep. He dropped off at + last, and it seemed to 'im that he 'ad only just closed 'is eyes when it + was daylight. He opened one eye and was just going to open the other when + he saw something as made 'im screw 'em both up sharp and peep through 'is + eyelashes. The lodger was standing at the foot o' Ginger's bed, going + through 'is pockets, and then, arter waiting a moment and 'aving a look + round, he went through Peter Russet's. Sam lay still mouse while the + lodger tip-toed out o' the room with 'is boots in his 'and, and then, + springing up, follered him downstairs. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link019" id="link019"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="019.jpg (89K)" src="images/019.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “He caught 'im up just as he 'ad undone the front door, and, catching hold + of 'im by the back o' the neck, shook 'im till 'e was tired. Then he let + go of 'im and, holding his fist under 'is nose, told 'im to hand over the + money, and look sharp about it. + </p> + <p> + “'Ye—ye—yes, sir,' ses the lodger, who was 'arf choked. + </p> + <p> + “Sam held out his 'and, and the lodger, arter saying it was only a little + bit o' fun on 'is part, and telling 'im wot a fancy he 'ad taken to 'im + from the fust, put Ginger's watch and chain into his 'ands and eighteen + pounds four shillings and sevenpence. Sam put it into his pocket, and, + arter going through the lodger's pockets to make sure he 'adn't forgot + anything, opened the door and flung 'im into the street. He stopped on the + landing to put the money in a belt he was wearing under 'is clothes, and + then 'e went back on tip-toe to 'is corner and went to sleep with one eye + open and the 'appiest smile that had been on his face for years. + </p> + <p> + “He shut both eyes when he 'eard Ginger wake up, and he slept like a child + through the 'orrible noise that Peter and Ginger see fit to make when they + started to put their clothes on. He got tired of it afore they did, and, + arter opening 'is eyes slowly and yawning, he asked Ginger wot he meant by + it. + </p> + <p> + “'You'll wake your lodger up if you ain't careful, making that noise,' he + ses. 'Wot's the matter?' + </p> + <p> + “'Sam,' ses Ginger, in a very different voice to wot he 'ad used the night + before, 'Sam, old pal, he's taken all our money and bolted.' + </p> + <p> + “'Wot?' ses Sam, sitting up on the floor and blinking, 'Nonsense!' + </p> + <p> + “'Robbed me and Peter,' ses Ginger, in a trembling voice; 'taken every + penny we've got, and my watch and chain.' + </p> + <p> + “'You're dreaming,' ses Sam. + </p> + <p> + “'I wish I was,' ses Ginger. + </p> + <p> + “'But surely, Ginger,' ses Sam, standing up, 'surely you didn't take a + lodger without a character?' + </p> + <p> + “'He seemed such a nice chap,' ses Peter. 'We was only saying wot a much + nicer chap he was than—than——' + </p> + <p> + “'Go on, Peter,' ses Sam, very perlite. + </p> + <p> + “'Than he might ha' been,' ses Ginger, very quick. + </p> + <p> + “'Well, I've 'ad a wonderful escape,' ses Sam. 'If it hadn't ha' been for + sleeping in my clothes I suppose he'd ha' 'ad my money as well.' + </p> + <p> + “He felt in 'is pockets anxious-like, then he smiled, and stood there + letting 'is money fall through 'is fingers into his pocket over and over + agin. + </p> + <p> + “'Pore chap,' he ses; 'pore chap; p'r'aps he'd got a starving wife and + family. Who knows? It ain't for us to judge 'im, Ginger.' + </p> + <p> + “He stood a little while longer chinking 'is money, and when he took off + his coat to wash Ginger Dick poured the water out for im and Peter Russet + picked up the soap, which 'ad fallen on the floor. Then they started + pitying themselves, looking very 'ard at the back of old Sam while they + did it. + </p> + <p> + “'I s'pose we've got to starve, Peter,' ses Ginger, in, a sad voice. + </p> + <p> + “'Looks like it,' ses Peter, dressing hisself very slowly. + </p> + <p> + “'There's nobody'll mourn for me, that's one comfort,' ses Ginger. + </p> + <p> + “'Or me,' ses Peter. + </p> + <p> + “'P'r'aps Sam'll miss us a bit,' ses Ginger, grinding 'is teeth as old Sam + went on washing as if he was deaf. 'He'ss the only real pal we ever 'ad.' + </p> + <p> + “'Wot are you talking about?' ses Sam, turning round with the soap in his + eyes, and feeling for the towel. 'Wot d'ye want to starve for? Why don't + you get a ship?' + </p> + <p> + “'I thought we was all going to sign on in the Cheaspeake agin, Sam,' ses + Ginger, very mild. + </p> + <p> + “'She won't be ready for sea for pretty near three weeks,' ses Sam. 'You + know that.' + </p> + <p> + “'P'r'aps Sam would lend us a trifle to go on with, Ginger,' ses Peter + Russet. 'Just enough to keep body and soul together, so as we can hold out + and 'ave the pleasure of sailing with 'im agin.' + </p> + <p> + “'P'r'aps he wouldn't,' ses Sam, afore Ginger could open his mouth. 'I've + just got about enough to last myself; I 'aven't got any to lend. Sailormen + wot turns on their best friends and makes them sleep on the cold 'ard + floor while their new pal is in his bed don't get money lent to 'em. My + neck is so stiff it creaks every time I move it, and I've got the + rheumatics in my legs something cruel.' + </p> + <p> + “He began to 'um a song, and putting on 'is cap went out to get some + brekfuss. He went to a little eating-'ouse near by, where they was in the + 'abit of going, and 'ad just started on a plate of eggs and bacon when + Ginger Dick and Peter came into the place with a pocket-'ankercher of 'is + wot they 'ad found in the fender. + </p> + <p> + “'We thought you might want it, Sam,' ses Peter. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link020" id="link020"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="020.jpg (91K)" src="images/020.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “'So we brought it along,' ses Ginger. 'I 'ope you're enjoying of your + brekfuss, Sam.' + </p> + <p> + “Sam took the 'ankercher and thanked 'em very perlite, and arter standing + there for a minute or two as if they wanted to say something they couldn't + remember, they sheered off. When Sam left the place 'arf-an-hour + afterwards they was still hanging about, and as Sam passed Ginger asked + 'im if he was going for a walk. + </p> + <p> + “'Walk?' ses Sam. 'Cert'nly not. I'm going to bed; I didn't 'ave a good + night's rest like you and your lodger.' + </p> + <p> + “He went back 'ome, and arter taking off 'is coat and boots got into bed + and slept like a top till one o'clock, when he woke up to find Ginger + shaking 'im by the shoulders. + </p> + <p> + “'Wot's the matter?' he ses. 'Wot are you up to?' + </p> + <p> + “'It's dinner-time,' ses Ginger. 'I thought p'r'aps you'd like to know, in + case you missed it.' + </p> + <p> + “'You leave me alone,' ses Sam, cuddling into the clothes agin. 'I don't + want no dinner. You go and look arter your own dinners.' + </p> + <p> + “He stayed in bed for another 'arf-hour, listening to Peter and Ginger + telling each other in loud whispers 'ow hungry they was, and then he got + up and put 'is things on and went to the door. + </p> + <p> + “'I'm going to get a bit o' dinner,' he ses. 'And mind, I've got my pocket + 'ankercher.' + </p> + <p> + “He went out and 'ad a steak and onions and a pint o' beer, but, although + he kept looking up sudden from 'is plate, he didn't see Peter or Ginger. + It spoilt 'is dinner a bit, but arter he got outside 'e saw them standing + at the corner, and, pretending not to see them, he went off for a walk + down the Mile End Road. + </p> + <p> + “He walked as far as Bow with them follering'im, and then he jumped on a + bus and rode back as far as Whitechapel. There was no sign of 'em when he + got off, and, feeling a bit lonesome, he stood about looking in + shop-windows until 'e see them coming along as hard as they could come. + </p> + <p> + “'Why, halloa!' he ses. 'Where did you spring from?' + </p> + <p> + “'We—we—we've been—for a bit of a walk,' ses Ginger + Dick, puffing and blowing like a grampus. + </p> + <p> + “'To-keep down the 'unger,' ses Peter Russet. + </p> + <p> + “Old Sam looked at 'em very stern for a moment, then he beckoned 'em to + foller 'im, and, stopping at a little public-'ouse, he went in and ordered + a pint o' bitter. + </p> + <p> + “'And give them two pore fellers a crust o' bread and cheese and + 'arf-a-pint of four ale each,' he ses to the barmaid. + </p> + <p> + “Ginger and Peter looked at each other, but they was so hungry they didn't + say a word; they just stood waiting. + </p> + <p> + “'Put that inside you my pore fellers,' ses Sam, with a oily smile. 'I + can't bear to see people suffering for want o' food,' he ses to the + barmaid, as he chucked down a sovereign on the counter. + </p> + <p> + “The barmaid, a very nice gal with black 'air and her fingers covered all + over with rings, said that it did 'im credit, and they stood there talking + about tramps and beggars and such-like till Peter and Ginger nearly + choked. He stood there watching 'em and smoking a threepenny cigar, and + when they 'ad finished he told the barmaid to give 'em a sausage-roll + each, and went off. + </p> + <p> + “Peter and Ginger snatched up their sausage-rolls and follered 'im, and at + last Ginger swallowed his pride and walked up to 'im and asked 'im to lend + them some money. + </p> + <p> + “'You'll get it back agin,' he ses. 'You know that well enough.' + </p> + <p> + “'Cert'nly not,' ses Sam; 'and I'm surprised at you asking. Why, a child + could rob you. It's 'ard enough as it is for a pore man like me to 'ave to + keep a couple o' hulking sailormen, but I'm not going to give you money to + chuck away on lodgers. No more sleeping on the floor for me! Now I don't + want none o' your langwidge, and I don't want you follering me like a + couple o' cats arter a meat-barrer. I shall be 'aving a cup o' tea at + Brown's coffee-shop by and by, and if you're there at five sharp I'll see + wot I can do for you. Wot did you call me?' + </p> + <p> + “Ginger told 'im three times, and then Peter Russet dragged 'im away. They + turned up outside Brown's at a quarter to five, and at ten past six Sam + Small strolled up smoking a cigar, and, arter telling them that he 'ad + forgot all about 'em, took 'em inside and paid for their teas. He told Mr. + Brown 'e was paying for 'em, and 'e told the gal wot served 'em 'e was + paying for 'em, and it was all pore Ginger could do to stop 'imself from + throwing his plate in 'is face. + </p> + <p> + “Sam went off by 'imself, and arter walking about all the evening without + a ha'penny in their pockets, Ginger Dick and Peter went off 'ome to bed + and went to sleep till twelve o'clock, when Sam came in and woke 'em up to + tell 'em about a music-'all he 'ad been to, and 'ow many pints he had 'ad. + He sat up in bed till past one o'clock talking about 'imself, and twice + Peter Russet woke Ginger up to listen and got punched for 'is trouble. + </p> + <p> + “They both said they'd get a ship next morning, and then old Sam turned + round and wouldn't 'ear of it. The airs he gave 'imself was awful. He said + he'd tell 'em when they was to get a ship, and if they went and did things + without asking 'im he'd let 'em starve. + </p> + <p> + “He kept 'em with 'im all that day for fear of losing 'em and having to + give 'em their money when 'e met 'em agin instead of spending it on 'em + and getting praised for it. They 'ad their dinner with 'im at Brown's, and + nothing they could do pleased him. He spoke to Peter Russet out loud about + making a noise while he was eating, and directly arterwards he told Ginger + to use his pocket 'ankercher. Pore Ginger sat there looking at 'im and + swelling and swelling until he nearly bust, and Sam told 'im if he + couldn't keep 'is temper when people was trying to do 'im a kindness he'd + better go and get somebody else to keep him. + </p> + <p> + “He took 'em to a music-'all that night, but he spoilt it all for 'em by + taking 'em into the little public-'ouse in Whitechapel Road fust and + standing 'em a drink. He told the barmaid 'e was keeping 'em till they + could find a job, and arter she 'ad told him he was too soft-'arted and + would only be took advantage of, she brought another barmaid up to look at + 'em and ask 'em wot they could do, and why they didn't do it. + </p> + <p> + “Sam served 'em like that for over a week, and he 'ad so much praise from + Mr. Brown and other people that it nearly turned his 'ead. For once in his + life he 'ad it pretty near all 'is own way. Twice Ginger Dick slipped off + and tried to get a ship and came back sulky and hungry, and once Peter + Russet sprained his thumb trying to get a job at the docks. + </p> + <p> + “They gave it up then and kept to Sam like a couple o' shadders, only + giving 'im back-answers when they felt as if something 'ud give way inside + if they didn't. For the fust time in their lives they began to count the + days till their boat was ready for sea. Then something happened. + </p> + <p> + “They was all coming 'ome late one night along the Minories, when Ginger + Dick gave a shout and, suddenly bolting up a little street arter a man + that 'ad turned up there, fust of all sent 'im flying with a heavy punch + of 'is fist, and then knelt on 'im. + </p> + <p> + “'Now then Ginger,' ses Sam bustling up with Peter Russet, 'wot's all + this? Wot yer doing?' + </p> + <p> + “'It's the thief,' ses Ginger. 'It's our lodger. You keep still!' he ses + shaking the man. 'D'ye hear?' + </p> + <p> + “Peter gave a shout of joy, and stood by to help. + </p> + <p> + “'Nonsense!' ses old Sam, turning pale. 'You've been drinking, Ginger. + This comes of standing you 'arf-pints.' + </p> + <p> + “'It's him right enough,' ses Ginger. 'I'd know 'is ugly face anywhere.' + </p> + <p> + “'You come off 'ome at once,' ses Sam, very sharp, but his voice + trembling. 'At once. D'ye hear me?' + </p> + <p> + “'Fetch a policeman, Peter,' ses Ginger. + </p> + <p> + “'Let the pore feller go, I tell you,' ses Sam, stamping his foot. ''Ow + would you like to be locked up? 'Ow would you like to be torn away from + your wife and little ones? 'Ow would you—' + </p> + <p> + “'Fetch a policeman, Peter,' ses Ginger agin. 'D'ye hear?' + </p> + <p> + “'Don't do that, guv'nor,' ses the lodger. 'You got your money back. Wot's + the good o' putting me away?' + </p> + <p> + “'Got our wot back?' ses Ginger, shaking 'im agin. 'Don't you try and be + funny with me, else I'll tear you into little pieces.' + </p> + <p> + “'But he took it back,' ses the man, trying to sit up and pointing at Sam. + 'He follered me downstairs and took it all away from me. Your ticker as + well.' + </p> + <p> + “'Wot?' ses Ginger and Peter both together. + </p> + <p> + “Strue as I'm 'ere,' ses the lodger. 'You turn 'is pockets out and see. + Look out! He's going off!' + </p> + <p> + “Ginger turned his 'ead just in time to see old Sam nipping round the + corner. He pulled the lodger up like a flash, and, telling Peter to take + hold of the other side of him, they set off arter Sam. + </p> + <p> + “'Little-joke-o' mine-Ginger,' ses Sam, when they caught 'im. 'I was going + to tell you about it to-night. It ain't often I get the chance of a joke + agin you Ginger; you're too sharp for a old man like me.' + </p> + <p> + “Ginger Dick didn't say anything. He kept 'old o' Sam's arm with one hand + and the lodger's neck with the other, and marched 'em off to his lodgings. + </p> + <p> + “He shut the door when 'e got in, and arter Peter 'ad lit the candle they + took hold o' Sam and went through 'im, and arter trying to find pockets + where he 'adn't got any, they took off 'is belt and found Ginger's watch, + seventeen pounds five shillings, and a few coppers. + </p> + <p> + “'We 'ad over nine quid each, me and Peter,' ses Ginger. 'Where's the + rest?' + </p> + <p> + “'It's all I've got left,' ses Sam; 'every ha'penny.' + </p> + <p> + “He 'ad to undress and even take 'is boots off afore they'd believe 'im, + and then Ginger took 'is watch and he ses to Peter, 'Lemme see; 'arf of + seventeen pounds is eight pounds ten; 'arf of five shillings is + 'arf-a-crown; and 'arf of fourpence is twopence.' + </p> + <p> + “'What about me Ginger old pal?' ses Sam, in a kind voice. 'We must divide + it into threes.' + </p> + <p> + “'Threes?' ses Ginger, staring at'im. 'Whaffor?' + </p> + <p> + “''Cos part of it's mine,' ses Sam, struggling 'ard to be perlite. 'I've + paid for everything for the last ten days, ain't I?' + </p> + <p> + “'Yes,' ses Ginger. 'You 'ave, and I thank you for it.' + </p> + <p> + “'So do I,' ses Peter Russet. 'Hearty I do.' + </p> + <p> + “'It was your kind-'artedness,' ses Ginger, grinning like mad. 'You gave + it to us, and we wouldn't dream of giving it to you back.' + </p> + <p> + “'Nothin' o' the kind,' ses Sam, choking. + </p> + <p> + “'Oh, yes you did,' ses Ginger, 'and you didn't forget to tell people + neither. You told everybody. Now it's our turn.' + </p> + <p> + “He opened the door and kicked the lodger out. Leastways, he would 'ave + kicked 'im, but the chap was too quick for 'im. And then 'e came back, + and, putting his arm round Peter's waist, danced a waltz round the room + with 'im, while pore old Sam got on to his bed to be out of the way. They + danced for nearly 'arf-an-hour, and then they undressed and sat on Peter's + bed and talked. They talked in whispers at fust, but at last Sam 'eard + Peter say:— + </p> + <p> + “'Threepence for 'is brekfuss; sevenpence for 'is dinner; threepence for + 'is tea; penny for beer and a penny for bacca. 'Ow much is that, Ginger?' + </p> + <p> + “'One bob,' ses Ginger. + </p> + <p> + “Peter counted up to 'imself. 'I make it more than that, old pal,' he ses, + when he 'ad finished. + </p> + <p> + “'Do you?' ses Ginger, getting up. 'Well, he won't; not if he counts it + twenty times over he won't. Good-night, Peter. 'Appy dreams.'” + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <a name="linkc8" id="linkc8"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + DUAL CONTROL + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + “Never say 'die,' Bert,” said Mr. Culpepper, kindly; “I like you, and so + do most other people who know what's good for 'em; and if Florrie don't + like you she can keep single till she does.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Albert Sharp thanked him. + </p> + <p> + “Come in more oftener,” said Mr. Culpepper. “If she don't know a steady + young man when she sees him, it's her mistake.” + </p> + <p> + “Nobody could be steadier than what I am,” sighed Mr. Sharp. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Culpepper nodded. “The worst of it is, girls don't like steady young + men,” he said, rumpling his thin grey hair; “that's the silly part of it.” + </p> + <p> + “But you was always steady, and Mrs. Culpepper married you,” said the + young man. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Culpepper nodded again. “She thought I was, and that came to the same + thing,” he said, composedly. “And it ain't for me to say, but she had an + idea that I was very good-looking in them days. I had chestnutty hair. She + burnt a piece of it only the other day she'd kept for thirty years.” + </p> + <p> + “Burnt it? What for?” inquired Mr. Sharp. + </p> + <p> + “Words,” said the other, lowering his voice. “When I want one thing + nowadays she generally wants another; and the things she wants ain't the + things I want.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp shook his head and sighed again. + </p> + <p> + “You ain't talkative enough for Florrie, you know,” said Mr. Culpepper, + regarding him. + </p> + <p> + “I can talk all right as a rule,” retorted Mr. Sharp. “You ought to hear + me at the debating society; but you can't talk to a girl who doesn't talk + back.” + </p> + <p> + “You're far too humble,” continued the other. “You should cheek her a bit + now and then. Let 'er see you've got some spirit. Chaff 'er.” + </p> + <p> + “That's no good,” said the young man, restlessly. “I've tried it. Only the + other day I called her 'a saucy little kipper,' and the way she went on, + anybody would have thought I'd insulted her. Can't see a joke, I s'pose. + Where is she now?” + </p> + <p> + “Upstairs,” was the reply. + </p> + <p> + “That's because I'm here,” said Mr. Sharp. “If it had been Jack Butler + she'd have been down fast enough.” + </p> + <p> + “It couldn't be him,” said Mr. Culpepper, “because I won't have 'im in the + house. I've told him so; I've told her so, and I've told 'er aunt so. And + if she marries without my leave afore she's thirty she loses the seven + hundred pounds 'er father left her. You've got plenty of time—ten + years.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp, sitting with his hands between his knees, gazed despondently at + the floor. “There's a lot o' girls would jump at me,” he remarked. “I've + only got to hold up my little finger and they'd jump.” + </p> + <p> + “That's because they've got sense,” said Mr. Culpepper. “They've got the + sense to prefer steadiness and humdrumness to good looks and dash. A young + fellow like you earning thirty-two-and-six a week can do without good + looks, and if I've told Florrie so once I have told her fifty times.” + </p> + <p> + “Looks are a matter of taste,” said Mr. Sharp, morosely. “Some of them + girls I was speaking about just now—” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, yes,” said Mr. Culpepper, hastily. “Now, look here; you go on a + different tack. Take a glass of ale like a man or a couple o' glasses; + smoke a cigarette or a pipe. Be like other young men. Cut a dash, and + don't be a namby-pamby. After you're married you can be as miserable as + you like.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp, after a somewhat lengthy interval, thanked him. + </p> + <p> + “It's my birthday next Wednesday,” continued Mr. Culpepper, regarding him + benevolently; “come round about seven, and I'll ask you to stay to supper. + That'll give you a chance. Anybody's allowed to step a bit over the mark + on birthdays, and you might take a glass or two and make a speech, and be + so happy and bright that they'd 'ardly know you. If you want an excuse for + calling, you could bring me a box of cigars for my birthday.” + </p> + <p> + “Or come in to wish you 'Many Happy Returns of the Day,'” said the thrifty + Mr. Sharp. + </p> + <p> + “And don't forget to get above yourself,” said Mr. Culpepper, regarding + him sternly; “in a gentlemanly way, of course. Have as many glasses as you + like—there's no stint about me.” + </p> + <p> + “If it ever comes off,” said Mr. Sharp, rising—“if I get her through + you, you shan't have reason to repent it. I'll look after that.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Culpepper, whose feelings were a trifle ruffled, said that he would + “look after it too.” He had a faint idea that, even from his own point of + view, he might have made a better selection for his niece's hand. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp smoked his first cigarette the following morning, and, + encouraged by the entire absence of any after-effects, purchased a pipe, + which was taken up by a policeman the same evening for obstructing the + public footpath in company with a metal tobacco-box three parts full. + </p> + <p> + In the matter of ale he found less difficulty. Certainly the taste was + unpleasant, but, treated as medicine and gulped down quickly, it was + endurable. After a day or two he even began to be critical, and on Monday + evening went so far as to complain of its flatness to the wide-eyed + landlord of the “Royal George.” + </p> + <p> + “Too much cellar-work,” he said, as he finished his glass and made for the + door. + </p> + <p> + “Too much! 'Ere, come 'ere,” said the landlord, thickly. “I want to speak + to you.” + </p> + <p> + The expert shook his head, and, passing out into, the street, changed + colour as he saw Miss Garland approaching. In a blundering fashion he + clutched at his hat and stammered out a “Good evening.” + </p> + <p> + Miss Garland returned the greeting and, instead of passing on, stopped + and, with a friendly smile, held out her hand. Mr. Sharp shook it + convulsively. + </p> + <p> + “You are just the man I want to see,” she exclaimed. “Aunt and I have been + talking about you all the afternoon.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp said “Really!” + </p> + <p> + “But I don't want uncle to see us,” pursued Miss Garland, in the low tones + of confidence. “Which way shall we go?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp's brain reeled. All ways were alike to him in such company. He + walked beside her like a man in a dream. + </p> + <p> + “We want to give him a lesson,” said the girl, presently. “A lesson that + he will remember.” + </p> + <p> + “Him?” said the young man. + </p> + <p> + “Uncle,” explained the girl. “It's a shocking thing, a wicked thing, to + try and upset a steady young man like you. Aunt is quite put out about it, + and I feel the same as she does.” + </p> + <p> + “But,” gasped the astonished Mr. Sharp, “how did you?” + </p> + <p> + “Aunt heard him,” said Miss Garland. “She was just going into the room + when she caught a word or two, and she stayed outside and listened. You + don't know what a lot she thinks of you.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp's eyes opened wider than ever. “I thought she didn't like me,” + he said, slowly. + </p> + <p> + “Good gracious!” said Miss Garland. “Whatever could have put such an idea + as that into your head? Of course, aunt isn't always going to let uncle + see that she agrees with him. Still, as if anybody could help—” she + murmured to herself. + </p> + <p> + “Eh?” said the young man, in a trembling voice. + </p> + <p> + “Nothing.” + </p> + <p> + Miss Garland walked along with averted face; Mr. Sharp, his pulses + bounding, trod on air beside her. + </p> + <p> + “I thought,” he said, at last “I thought that Jack Butler was a favourite + of hers?” + </p> + <p> + “Jack Butler!” said the girl, in tones of scornful surprise. “The idea! + How blind men are; you're all alike, I think. You can't see two inches in + front of you. She's as pleased as possible that you are coming on + Wednesday; and so am—” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp caught his breath. “Yes?” he murmured. + </p> + <p> + “Let's go down here,” said Miss Garland quickly; “down by the river. And + I'll tell you what we want you to do.” + </p> + <p> + She placed her hand lightly on his arm, and Mr. Sharp, with a tremulous + smile, obeyed. The smile faded gradually as he listened, and an expression + of anxious astonishment took its place. He shook his head as she + proceeded, and twice ventured a faint suggestion that she was only + speaking in jest. Convinced at last, against his will, he walked on in + silent consternation. + </p> + <p> + “But,” he said at last, as Miss Garland paused for breath, “your uncle + would never forgive me. He'd never let me come near the house again.” + </p> + <p> + “Aunt will see to that,” said the girl, confidently. “But, of course, if + you don't wish to please me—” + </p> + <p> + She turned away, and Mr. Sharp, plucking up spirit, ventured to take her + hand and squeeze it. A faint, a very faint, squeeze in return decided him. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link021" id="link021"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="021.jpg (100K)" src="images/021.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “It will come all right afterwards,” said Miss Garland, “especially with + the hold it will give aunt over him.” + </p> + <p> + “I hope so,” said the young man. “If not, I shall be far—farther off + than ever.” + </p> + <p> + Miss Garland blushed and, turning her head, gazed steadily at the river. + </p> + <p> + “Trust me,” she said at last. “Me and auntie.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp said that so long as he pleased her nothing else mattered, and, + in the seventh heaven of delight, paced slowly along the towpath by her + side. + </p> + <p> + “And you mustn't mind what auntie and I say to you,” said the girl, + continuing her instructions. “We must keep up appearances, you know; and + if we seem to be angry, you must remember we are only pretending.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp, with a tender smile, said that he understood perfectly. + </p> + <p> + “And now I had better go,” said Florrie, returning the smile. “Uncle might + see us together, or somebody else might see us and tell him. Good-bye.” + </p> + <p> + She shook hands and went off, stopping three times to turn and wave her + hand. In a state of bewildered delight Mr. Sharp continued his stroll, + rehearsing, as he went, the somewhat complicated and voluminous + instructions she had given him. + </p> + <p> + By Wednesday evening he was part-perfect, and, in a state of mind divided + between nervousness and exaltation, set out for Mr. Culpepper's. He found + that gentleman, dressed in his best, sitting in an easy-chair with his + hands folded over a fancy waistcoat of startling design, and, placing a + small box of small cigars on his knees, wished him the usual “Happy + Returns.” The entrance of the ladies, who seemed as though they had just + come off the ice, interrupted Mr. Culpepper's thanks. + </p> + <p> + “Getting spoiled, that's what I am,” he remarked, playfully. “See this + waistcoat? My old Aunt Elizabeth sent it this morning.” + </p> + <p> + He leaned back in his chair and glanced down in warm approval. “The missis + gave me a pipe, and Florrie gave me half a pound of tobacco. And I bought + a bottle of port wine myself, for all of us.” + </p> + <p> + He pointed to a bottle that stood on the supper-table, and, the ladies + retiring to the kitchen to bring in the supper, rose and placed chairs. A + piece of roast beef was placed before him, and, motioning Mr. Sharp to a + seat opposite Florrie, he began to carve. + </p> + <p> + “Just a nice comfortable party,” he said, genially, as he finished. “Help + yourself to the ale, Bert.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp, ignoring the surprise on the faces of the ladies, complied, and + passed the bottle to Mr. Culpepper. They drank to each other, and again a + flicker of surprise appeared on the faces of Mrs. Culpepper and her niece. + Mr. Culpepper, noticing it, shook his head waggishly at Mr. Sharp. + </p> + <p> + “He drinks it as if he likes it,” he remarked. + </p> + <p> + “I do,” asserted Mr. Sharp, and, raising his glass, emptied it, and + resumed the attack on his plate. Mr. Culpepper unscrewed the top of + another bottle, and the reckless Mr. Sharp, after helping himself, made a + short and feeling speech, in which he wished Mr. Culpepper long life and + happiness. “If you ain't happy with Mrs. Culpepper,” he concluded, + gallantly, “you ought to be.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Culpepper nodded and went on eating in silence until, the keen edge of + his appetite having been taken off, he put down his knife and fork and + waxed sentimental. + </p> + <p> + “Been married over thirty years,” he said, slowly, with a glance at his + wife, “and never regretted it.” + </p> + <p> + “Who hasn't?” inquired Mr. Sharp. + </p> + <p> + “Why, me,” returned the surprised Mr. Culpepper. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp, who had just raised his glass, put it down again and smiled. It + was a faint smile, but it seemed to affect his host unfavourably. + </p> + <p> + “What are you smiling at?” he demanded. + </p> + <p> + “Thoughts,” said Mr. Sharp, exchanging a covert glance with Florrie. + “Something you told me the other day.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Culpepper looked bewildered. “I'll give you a penny for them + thoughts,” he said, with an air of jocosity. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp shook his head. “Money couldn't buy 'em,” he said, with owlish + solemnity, “espec—especially after the good supper you're giving + me.” + </p> + <p> + “Bert,” said Mr. Culpepper, uneasily, as his wife sat somewhat erect + “Bert, it's my birthday, and I don't grudge nothing to nobody; but go easy + with the beer. You ain't used to it, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “What's the matter with the beer?” inquired Mr. Sharp. “It tastes all + right—what there is of it.” + </p> + <p> + “It ain't the beer; it's you,” explained Mr. Culpepper. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp stared at him. “Have I said anything I oughtn't to?” he + inquired. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Culpepper shook his head, and, taking up a fork and spoon, began to + serve a plum-pudding that Miss Garland had just placed on the table. + </p> + <p> + “What was it you said I was to be sure and not tell Mrs. Culpepper?” + inquired Mr. Sharp, dreamily. “I haven't said that, have I?” + </p> + <p> + “No!” snapped the harassed Mr. Culpepper, laying down the fork and spoon + and regarding him ferociously. “I mean, there wasn't anything. I mean, I + didn't say so. You're raving.” + </p> + <p> + “If I did say it, I'm sorry,” persisted Mr. Sharp. “I can't say fairer + than that, can I?” + </p> + <p> + “You're all right,” said Mr. Culpepper, trying, but in vain, to exchange a + waggish glance with his wife. + </p> + <p> + “I didn't say it?” inquired Mr. Sharp. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Mr. Culpepper, still smiling in a wooden fashion. + </p> + <p> + “I mean the other thing?” said Mr. Sharp, in a thrilling whisper. + </p> + <p> + “Look here,” exclaimed the overwrought Mr. Culpepper; “why not eat your + pudding, and leave off talking nonsense? Nobody's listening to you.” + </p> + <p> + “Speak for yourself,” said his wife, tartly. “I like to hear Mr. Sharp + talk. What was it he told you not to tell me?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp eyed her mistily. “I—I can't tell you,” he said, slowly. + </p> + <p> + “Why not?” asked Mrs. Culpepper, coaxingly. + </p> + <p> + “Because it—it would make your hair stand on end,” said the + industrious Mr. Sharp. + </p> + <p> + “Nonsense,” said Mrs. Culpepper, sharply. + </p> + <p> + “He said it would,” said Mr. Sharp, indicating his host with his spoon, + “and he ought—to know— Who's that kicking me under the table?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Culpepper, shivering with wrath and dread, struggled for speech. + “You'd better get home, Bert,” he said at last. “You're not yourself. + There's nobody kicking you under the table. You don't know what you are + saying. You've been dreaming things. I never said anything of the kind.” + </p> + <p> + “Memory's gone,” said Mr. Sharp, shaking his head at him. “Clean gone. + Don't you remember—” + </p> + <p> + “NO!” roared Mr. Culpepper. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp sat blinking at him, but his misgivings vanished before the + glances of admiring devotion which Miss Garland was sending in his + direction. He construed them rightly not only as a reward, but as an + incentive to further efforts. In the midst of an impressive silence Mrs. + Culpepper collected the plates and, producing a dish of fruit from the + sideboard, placed it upon the table. + </p> + <p> + “Help yourself, Mr. Sharp,” she said, pushing the bottle of port towards + him. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp complied, having first, after several refusals, put a little + into the ladies' glasses, and a lot on the tablecloth near Mr. Culpepper. + Then, after a satisfying sip or two, he rose with a bland smile and + announced his intention of making a speech. + </p> + <p> + “But you've made one,” said his host, in tones of fierce expostulation. + </p> + <p> + “That—that was las' night,” said Mr. Sharp. “This is to-night—your + birthday.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, we don't want any more,” said Mr. Culpepper. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp hesitated. “It's only his fun,” he said, looking round and + raising his glass. “He's afraid I'm going to praise him up—praise + him up. Here's to my old friend, Mr. Culpepper: one of the best. We all + have our—faults, and he has his—has his. Where was I?” + </p> + <p> + “Sit down,” growled Mr. Culpepper. + </p> + <p> + “Talking about my husband's faults,” said his wife. + </p> + <p> + “So I was,” said Mr. Sharp, putting his hand to his brow. “Don't be + alarm',” he continued, turning to his host; “nothing to be alarm' about. + I'm not going to talk about 'em. Not so silly as that, I hope. I don't + want spoil your life.” + </p> + <p> + “Sit down,” repeated Mr. Culpepper. + </p> + <p> + “You're very anxious he should sit down,” said his wife, sharply. + </p> + <p> + “No, I'm not,” said Mr. Culpepper; “only he's talking nonsense.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp, still on his legs, took another sip of port and, avoiding the + eye of Mr. Culpepper, which was showing signs of incipient inflammation, + looked for encouragement to Miss Garland. + </p> + <p> + “He's a man we all look up to and respect,” he continued. “If he does go + off to London every now and then on business, that's his lookout. My idea + is he always ought to take Mrs. Culpepper with him. + </p> + <p> + “He'd have pleasure of her company and, same time, he'd be money in pocket + by it. And why shouldn't she go to music-halls sometimes? Why shouldn't + she—” + </p> + <p> + “You get off home,” said the purple Mr. Culpepper, rising and hammering + the table with his fist. “Get off home; and if you so much as show your + face inside this 'ouse again there'll be trouble. Go on. Out you go!” + </p> + <p> + “Home?” repeated Mr. Sharp, sitting down suddenly. “Won't go home till + morning.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, we'll soon see about that,” said Mr. Culpepper, taking him by the + shoulders. “Come on, now.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp subsided lumpishly into his chair, and Mr. Culpepper, despite + his utmost efforts, failed to move him. The two ladies exchanged a glance, + and then, with their heads in the air, sailed out of the room, the younger + pausing at the door to bestow a mirthful glance upon Mr. Sharp ere she + disappeared. + </p> + <p> + “Come—out,” said Mr. Culpepper, panting. + </p> + <p> + “You trying to tickle me?” inquired Mr. Sharp. + </p> + <p> + “You get off home,” said the other. “You've been doing nothing but make + mischief ever since you came in. What put such things into your silly head + I don't know. I shall never hear the end of 'em as long as I live.” + </p> + <p> + “Silly head?” repeated Mr. Sharp, with an alarming change of manner. “Say + it again.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Culpepper repeated it with gusto. + </p> + <p> + “Very good,” said Mr. Sharp. He seized him suddenly and, pushing him + backwards into his easychair, stood over him with such hideous contortions + of visage that Mr. Culpepper was horrified. “Now you sit there and keep + quite still,” he said, with smouldering ferocity. “Where did you put + carving-knife? Eh? Where's carving-knife?” + </p> + <p> + “No, no, Bert,” said Mr. Culpepper, clutching at his sleeve. “I—I + was only joking. You—you ain't quite yourself, Bert.” + </p> + <p> + “What?” demanded the other, rolling his eyes, and clenching his fists. + </p> + <p> + “I—I mean you've improved,” said Mr. Culpepper, hurriedly. + “Wonderful, you have.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp's countenance cleared a little. “Let's make a night of it,” he + said. “Don't move, whatever you do.” + </p> + <p> + He closed the door and, putting the wine and a couple of glasses on the + mantelpiece, took a chair by Mr. Culpepper and prepared to spend the + evening. His instructions were too specific to be disregarded, and three + times he placed his arm about the waist of the frenzied Mr. Culpepper and + took him for a lumbering dance up and down the room. In the intervals + between dances he regaled him with interminable extracts from speeches + made at the debating society and recitations learned at school. + Suggestions relating to bed, thrown out by Mr. Culpepper from time to + time, were repelled with scorn. And twice, in deference to Mr. Sharp's + desires, he had to join in the chorus of a song. + </p> + <p> + Ten o'clock passed, and the hands of the clock crawled round to eleven. + The hour struck, and, as though in answer, the door opened and the + agreeable face of Florrie Garland appeared. Behind her, to the intense + surprise of both gentlemen, loomed the stalwart figure of Mr. Jack Butler. + </p> + <p> + “I thought he might be useful, uncle,” said Miss Garland, coming into the + room. “Auntie wouldn't let me come down before.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Sharp rose in a dazed fashion and saw Mr. Culpepper grasp Mr. Butler + by the hand. More dazed still, he felt the large and clumsy hand of Mr. + Butler take him by the collar and propel him with some violence along the + small passage, while another hand, which he dimly recognized as belonging + to Mr. Culpepper, was inserted in the small of his back. Then the front + door opened and he was thrust out into the night. The door closed, and a + low feminine laugh sounded from a window above. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link022" id="link022"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="022.jpg (81K)" src="images/022.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <a name="linkc9" id="linkc9"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + SKILLED ASSISTANCE + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The night-watchman, who had left his seat on the jetty to answer the + gate-bell, came back with disgust written on a countenance only too well + designed to express it. + </p> + <p> + “If she's been up 'ere once in the last week to, know whether the <i>Silvia</i> + is up she's been four or five times,” he growled. “He's forty-seven if + he's a day; 'is left leg is shorter than 'is right, and he talks with a + stutter. When she's with 'im you'd think as butter wouldn't melt in 'er + mouth; but the way she talked to me just now you'd think I was paid + a-purpose to wait on her. I asked 'er at last wot she thought I was here + for, and she said she didn't know, and nobody else neither. And afore she + went off she told the potman from the 'Albion,' wot was listening, that I + was known all over Wapping as the Sleeping Beauty. + </p> + <p> + “She ain't the fust I've 'ad words with, not by a lot. They're all the + same; they all start in a nice, kind, soapy sort o' way, and, as soon as + they don't get wot they want, fly into a temper and ask me who, I think I + am. I told one woman once not to be silly, and I shall never forget it as + long as I live-never. For all I know, she's wearing a bit o' my 'air in a + locket to this day, and very likely boasting that I gave it to her. + </p> + <p> + “Talking of her reminds me of another woman. There was a Cap'n Pinner, + used to trade between 'ere and Hull on a schooner named the Snipe. Nice + little craft she was, and 'e was a very nice feller. Many and many's the + pint we've 'ad together, turn and turn-about, and the on'y time we ever + 'ad a cross word was when somebody hid his clay pipe in my beer and 'e was + foolish enough to think I'd done it. + </p> + <p> + “He 'ad a nice little cottage, 'e told me about, near Hull, and 'is wife's + father, a man of pretty near seventy, lived with 'em. Well-off the old man + was, and, as she was his only daughter, they looked to 'ave all his money + when he'd gorn. Their only fear was that 'e might marry agin, and, judging + from wot 'e used to tell me about the old man, I thought it more than + likely. + </p> + <p> + “'If it wasn't for my missis he'd ha' been married over and over agin,' he + ses one day. 'He's like a child playing with gunpowder.' + </p> + <p> + “''Ow would it be to let 'im burn hisself a bit?' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'If you was to see some o' the gunpowder he wants to play with, you + wouldn't talk like that,' ses the cap'n. 'You'd know better. The on'y + thing is to keep 'em apart, and my pore missis is wore to a shadder + a-doing of it.' + </p> + <p> + “It was just about a month arter that that he brought the old man up to + London with 'im. They 'ad some stuff to put out at Smith's Wharf, t'other + side of the river, afore they came to us, and though they was on'y there + four or five days, it was long enough for that old man to get into + trouble. + </p> + <p> + “The skipper told me about it ten minutes arter they was made snug in the + inner berth 'ere. He walked up and down like a man with a raging + toothache, and arter follering 'im up and down the wharf till I was tired + out, I discovered that 'is father-in-law 'ad got 'imself mixed up with a + widder-woman ninety years old and weighing twenty stun. Arter he 'ad + cooled down a bit, and I 'ad given 'im a few little pats on the shoulder, + 'e made it forty-eight years old and fourteen stun. + </p> + <p> + “'He's getting ready to go and meet her now,' he ses, 'and wot my + missis'll say to me, I don't know.' + </p> + <p> + “His father-in-law came up on deck as 'e spoke, and began to brush 'imself + all over with a clothesbrush. Nice-looking little man 'e was, with blue + eyes, and a little white beard, cut to a point, and dressed up in a serge + suit with brass buttons, and a white yachting cap. His real name was Mr. + Finch, but the skipper called 'im Uncle Dick, and he took such a fancy to + me that in five minutes I was calling 'im Uncle Dick too. + </p> + <p> + “'Time I was moving,' he ses, by and by. 'I've got an app'intment.' + </p> + <p> + “'Oh! who with?' ses the skipper, pretending not to know. + </p> + <p> + “'Friend o' mine, in the army,' ses the old man, with a wink at me. 'So + long.' + </p> + <p> + “He went off as spry as a boy, and as soon as he'd gorn the skipper + started walking back'ards and for'ards agin, and raving. + </p> + <p> + “'Let's 'ope as he's on'y amusing 'imself,' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'Wait till you see 'er,' ses the skipper; 'then you won't talk + foolishness.' + </p> + <p> + “As it 'appened she came back with Uncle Dick that evening, to see 'im + safe, and I see at once wot sort of a woman it was. She 'adn't been on the + wharf five minutes afore you'd ha' thought it belonged to 'er, and when + she went and sat on the schooner it seemed to be about 'arf its size. She + called the skipper Tom, and sat there as cool as you please holding Uncle + Dick's 'and, and patting it. + </p> + <p> + “I took the skipper round to the 'Bull's Head' arter she 'ad gorn, and I + wouldn't let 'im say a word until he had 'ad two pints. He felt better + then, and some o' the words 'e used surprised me. + </p> + <p> + “'Wot's to be done?' he ses at last. 'You see 'ow it is, Bill.' + </p> + <p> + “'Can't you get 'im away?' I ses. 'Who is she, and wot's 'er name?' + </p> + <p> + “'Her name,' ses the skipper, 'her name is Jane Maria Elizabeth Muffit, + and she lives over at Rotherhithe.' + </p> + <p> + “'She's very likely married already,' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'Her 'usband died ten years ago,' ses the skipper; 'passed away in 'is + sleep. Overlaid, I should say.' + </p> + <p> + “He sat there smoking, and I sat there thinking. Twice 'e spoke to me, and + I held my 'and up and said 'H'sh.' Then I turned to 'im all of a sudden + and pinched his arm so hard he nearly dropped 'is beer. + </p> + <p> + “'Is Uncle Dick a nervous man?' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'Nervous is no name for it,' he ses, staring. + </p> + <p> + “'Very good, then,' I ses. 'I'll send 'er husband to frighten 'im.' + </p> + <p> + “The skipper looked at me very strange. 'Yes,' he ses. 'Yes. Yes.' + </p> + <p> + “'Frighten 'im out of 'is boots, and make him give 'er up,' I ses. 'Or + better still, get 'im to run away and go into hiding for a time. That 'ud + be best, in case 'e found out.' + </p> + <p> + “'Found out wot?' ses the skipper. + </p> + <p> + “'Found out it wasn't 'er husband,' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'Bill,' ses the skipper, very earnest, 'this is the fust beer I've 'ad + to-day, and I wish I could say the same for you.' + </p> + <p> + “I didn't take 'im at fast, but when I did I gave a laugh that brought in + two more customers to see wot was the matter. Then I took 'im by the arm—arter + a little trouble—and, taking 'im back to the wharf, explained my + meaning to 'im. + </p> + <p> + “'I know the very man,' I ses. 'He comes into a public-'ouse down my way + sometimes. Artful 'Arry, he's called, and, for 'arf-a-quid, say, he'd + frighten Uncle Dick 'arf to death. He's big and ugly, and picks up a + living by selling meerschaum pipes he's found to small men wot don't want + 'em. Wonderful gift o' the gab he's got.' + </p> + <p> + “We went acrost to the 'Albion' to talk it over. There's several bars + there, and the landlady always keeps cotton-wool in 'er ears, not 'aving + been brought up to the public line. The skipper told me all 'e knew about + Mrs. Muffit, and we arranged that Artful 'Arry should come down at seven + o'clock next night, if so be as I could find 'im in time. + </p> + <p> + “I got up early the next arternoon, and as it 'appened, he came into the + 'Duke of Edinburgh' five minutes arter I got there. Nasty temper 'e was + in, too. He'd just found a meerschaum pipe, as usual, and the very fust + man 'e tried to sell it to said that it was the one 'e lost last + Christmas, and gave 'im a punch in the jaw for it. + </p> + <p> + “'He's a thief, that's wot he is,' ses 'Arry; 'and I 'ate thiefs. 'Ow's a + honest tradesman to make a living when there's people like that about?' + </p> + <p> + “I stood 'im 'arf a pint, and though it hurt 'im awful to drink it, he + said 'ed 'ave another just to see if he could bear the pain. Arter he had + 'ad three 'e began for to take a more cheerful view o' life, and told me + about a chap that spent three weeks in the London 'Orsepittle for calling + 'im a liar. + </p> + <p> + “'Treat me fair,' he ses, 'and I'll treat other people fair. I never broke + my word without a good reason for it, and that's more than everybody can + say. If I told you the praise I've 'ad from some people you wouldn't + believe it.' + </p> + <p> + “I let 'im go on till he 'ad talked 'imself into a good temper, and then I + told 'im of the little job I 'ad got for 'im. He listened quiet till I 'ad + finished, and then he shook 'is 'ead. + </p> + <p> + “'It ain't in my line,' he ses. + </p> + <p> + “'There's 'arf a quid 'anging to it,' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'Arry shook his 'ead agin. 'Tain't enough, mate,' he ses. 'If you was to + make it a quid I won't say as I mightn't think of it.' + </p> + <p> + “I 'ad told the skipper that it might cost 'im a quid, so I knew 'ow far I + could go; and at last, arter 'Arry 'ad got as far as the door three times, + I gave way. + </p> + <p> + “'And I'll 'ave it now,' he ses, 'to prevent mistakes.' + </p> + <p> + “'No, 'Arry,' I ses, very firm. 'Besides, it ain't my money, you see.' + </p> + <p> + “'You mean to say you don't trust me,' 'e ses, firing up. + </p> + <p> + “'I'd trust you with untold gold,' I ses, 'but not with a real quid; + you're too fond of a joke, 'Arry.' + </p> + <p> + “We 'ad another long argyment about it, and I had to tell 'im plain at + last that when I wanted to smell 'is fist, I'd say so. + </p> + <p> + “'You turn up at the wharf at five minutes to seven,' I ses, 'and I'll + give you ten bob of it; arter you've done your business I'll give you the + other. Come along quiet, and you'll see me waiting at the gate for you.' + </p> + <p> + “He gave way arter a time, and, fust going 'ome for a cup o' tea, I went + on to the wharf to tell the skipper 'ow things stood. + </p> + <p> + “'It couldn't 'ave 'appened better,' he ses. 'Uncle Dick is sure to be + aboard at that time, 'cos 'e's going acrost the water at eight o'clock to + pay 'er a visit. And all the hands'll be away. I've made sure of that.' + </p> + <p> + “He gave me the money for Artful 'Arry in two 'arf-suverins, and then we + went over to the 'Albion' for a quiet glass and a pipe, and to wait for + seven o'clock. + </p> + <p> + “I left 'im there at ten minutes to, and at five minutes to, punctual to + the minute, I see 'Arry coming along swinging a thick stick with a knob on + the end of it. + </p> + <p> + “'Where's the 'arf thick-un?' he ses, looking round to see that the coast + was clear. + </p> + <p> + “I gave it to 'im, and arter biting it in three places and saying it was a + bit short in weight he dropped it in 'is weskit-pocket and said 'e was + ready. + </p> + <p> + “I left 'im there for a minute while I went and 'ad a look round. The deck + of the Snipe was empty, but I could 'ear Uncle Dick down in the cabin + singing; and, arter listening for a few seconds to make sure that it was + singing, I went back and beckoned to 'Arry. + </p> + <p> + “'He's down in the cabin,' I ses, pointing. 'Don't overdo it, 'Arry, and + at the same time don't underdo it, as you might say.' + </p> + <p> + “'I know just wot you want,' ses 'Arry, 'and if you'd got the 'art of a + man in you, you'd make it two quids.' + </p> + <p> + “He climbed on board and stood listening for a moment at the companion, + and then 'e went down, while I went off outside the gate, so as to be out + of earshot in case Uncle Dick called for me. I knew that I should 'ear all + about wot went on arterwards—and I did. + </p> + <p> + “Artful 'Arry went down the companion-ladder very quiet, and then stood at + the foot of it looking at Uncle Dick. He looked 'im up and down and all + over, and then 'e gave a fierce, loud cough. + </p> + <p> + “'Good-evening,' he ses. + </p> + <p> + “'Good-evening,' ses Uncle Dick, staring at 'im. 'Did you want to see + anybody?' + </p> + <p> + “'I did,' ses 'Arry. 'I do. And when I see 'im I'm going to put my arms + round 'im and twist 'is neck; then I'm going to break every bone in 'is + body, and arter that I'm going to shy 'im overboard to pison the fishes + with.' + </p> + <p> + “'Dear me!' ses Uncle Dick, shifting away as far as 'e could. + </p> + <p> + “'I ain't 'ad a wink o' sleep for two nights,' ses 'Arry—'not ever + since I 'eard of it. When I think of all I've done for that woman-working + for 'er, and such-like-my blood boils. When I think of her passing 'erself + off as a widder—my widder—and going out with another man, I + don't know wot to do with myself.' + </p> + <p> + “Uncle Dick started and turned pale. Fust 'e seemed as if 'e was going to + speak, and then 'e thought better of it. He sat staring at 'Arry as if 'e + couldn't believe his eyes. + </p> + <p> + “'Wot would you do with a man like that?' ses 'Arry. 'I ask you, as man to + man, wot would you do to 'im?' + </p> + <p> + “'P'r'aps-p'r'aps 'e didn't know,' ses Uncle Dick, stammering. + </p> + <p> + “'Didn't know!' ses 'Arry. 'Don't care, you mean. We've got a nice little + 'ome, and, just because I've 'ad to leave it and lay low for a bit for + knifing a man, she takes advantage of it. And it ain't the fust time, + neither. Wot's the matter?' + </p> + <p> + “'Touch-touch of ague; I get it sometimes,' ses Uncle Dick. + </p> + <p> + “'I want to see this man Finch,' ses 'Arry, shaking 'is knobby stick. + 'Muffit, my name is, and I want to tell 'im so.' + </p> + <p> + “Uncle Dick nearly shook 'imself on to the floor. + </p> + <p> + “'I—I'll go and see if 'e's in the fo'c'sle,' he ses at last. + </p> + <p> + “'He ain't there, 'cos I've looked,' ses 'Arry, 'arf shutting 'is eyes and + looking at 'im hard. 'Wot might your name be?' + </p> + <p> + “'My name's Finch,' ses Uncle Dick, putting out his 'ands to keep him off; + 'but I thought she was a widder. She told me her 'usband died ten years + ago; she's deceived me as well as you. I wouldn't ha' dreamt of taking any + notice of 'er if I'd known. Truth, I wouldn't. I should'nt ha' dreamt of + such a thing.' + </p> + <p> + “Artful 'Arry played with 'is stick a little, and stood looking at 'im + with a horrible look on 'is face. + </p> + <p> + “''Ow am I to know you're speaking the truth?' he ses, very slow. 'Eh? 'Ow + can you prove it?' + </p> + <p> + “'If it was the last word I was to speak I'd say the same,' ses Uncle + Dick. 'I tell you, I am as innercent as a new-born babe.' + </p> + <p> + <a name="link023" id="link023"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="023.jpg (127K)" src="images/023.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “'If that's true,' ses 'Arry, 'she's deceived both of us. Now, if I let + you go will you go straight off and bring her 'ere to me?' + </p> + <p> + “'I will,' ses Uncle Dick, jumping up. + </p> + <p> + “''Arf a mo,' ses 'Arry, holding up 'is stick very quick. 'One thing is, + if you don't come back, I'll 'ave you another day. I can't make up my mind + wot to do. I can't think—I ain't tasted food for two days. If I 'ad + any money in my pocket I'd 'ave a bite while you're gone.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why not get something?' ses Uncle Dick, putting his 'and in his pocket, + in a great 'urry to please him, and pulling out some silver. + </p> + <p> + “'Arry said 'e would, and then he stood on one side to let 'im pass, and + even put the knobby stick under 'im to help 'im up the companion-ladder. + </p> + <p> + “Uncle Dick passed me two minutes arterwards without a word, and set off + down the road as fast as 'is little legs 'ud carry 'im. I watched 'im out + o' sight, and then I went on board the schooner to see how 'Arry 'ad got + on. + </p> + <p> + “Arry,' I ses, when he 'ad finished, 'you're a masterpiece!' + </p> + <p> + “'I know I am,' he ses. 'Wot about that other 'arf-quid?' + </p> + <p> + “'Here it is,' I ses, giving it to 'im. 'Fair masterpiece, that's wot you + are. They may well call you Artful. Shake 'ands.' + </p> + <p> + “I patted 'im on the shoulder arter we 'ad shook 'ands, and we stood there + smiling at each other and paying each other compliments. + </p> + <p> + “'Fancy 'em sitting 'ere and waiting for you to come back from that bite,' + I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'I ought to 'ave 'ad more off of him,' ses 'Arry. ''Owever, it can't be + helped. I think I'll 'ave a lay down for a bit; I'm tired.' + </p> + <p> + “'Better be off,' I ses, shaking my 'ead. 'Time passes, and they might + come back afore you think.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well, wot of it?' ses 'Arry. + </p> + <p> + “'Wot of it?' I ses. 'Why, it'ud spoil everything. It 'ud be blue ruin.' + </p> + <p> + “'Are you sure?' ses 'Arry'. + </p> + <p> + “'Sartin,' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'Well, make it five quid, and I'll go, then,' he ses, sitting down agin. + </p> + <p> + “I couldn't believe my ears at fust, but when I could I drew myself up and + told 'im wot I thought of 'im; and he sat there and laughed at me. + </p> + <p> + “'Why, you called me a masterpiece just now,' he ses. 'I shouldn't be much + of a masterpiece if I let a chance like this slip. Why, I shouldn't be + able to look myself in the face. Where's the skipper?' + </p> + <p> + “'Sitting in the “Albion”,' I ses, 'arf choking. + </p> + <p> + “'Go and tell 'im it's five quid,' ses 'Arry. 'I don't mean five more, + on'y four. Some people would ha' made it five, but I like to deal square + and honest.' + </p> + <p> + “I run over for the skipper in a state of mind that don't bear thinking + of, and he came back with me, 'arf crazy. When we got to the cabin we + found the door was locked, and, arter the skipper 'ad told Artful wot he'd + do to 'im if he didn't open it, he 'ad to go on deck and talk to 'im + through the skylight. + </p> + <p> + “'If you ain't off of my ship in two twos,' he ses, 'I'll fetch a + policeman.' + </p> + <p> + “'You go and fetch four pounds,' ses 'Arry; 'that's wot I'm waiting for, + not a policeman. Didn't the watchman tell you?' + </p> + <p> + “'The bargain was for one pound,' ses the skipper, 'ardly able to speak. + </p> + <p> + “'Well, you tell that to the policeman,' ses Artful 'Arry. + </p> + <p> + “It was no use, he'd got us every way; and at last the skipper turns out + 'is pockets, and he ses, 'Look 'ere,' he ses, 'I've got seventeen and + tenpence ha' penny. Will you go if I give you that?' + </p> + <p> + “''Ow much has the watchman got?' ses 'Arry. 'His lodger lost 'is purse + the other day.' + </p> + <p> + “I'd got two and ninepence, as it 'appened, and then there was more + trouble because the skipper wouldn't give 'im the money till he 'ad gone, + and 'e wouldn't go till he 'ad got it. The skipper gave way at last, and + as soon as he 'ad got it 'Arry ses, 'Now 'op off and borrer the rest, and + look slippy about it.' + </p> + <p> + “I put one hand over the skipper's mouth fust, and then, finding that was + no good, I put the other. It was no good wasting bad langwidge on 'Arry. + </p> + <p> + “I pacified the skipper at last, and arter 'Arry 'ad swore true 'e'd go + when 'e'd got the money, the skipper rushed round to try and raise it. + It's a difficult job at the best o' times, and I sat there on the skylight + shivering and wondering whether the skipper or Mrs. Muffit would turn up + fust. + </p> + <p> + “Hours seemed to pass away, and then I see the wicket in the gate open, + and the skipper come through. He jumped on deck without a word, and then, + going over to the skylight, 'anded down the money to 'Arry. + </p> + <p> + “'Right-o,' ses 'Arry. 'It on'y shows you wot you can do by trying.' + </p> + <p> + “He unlocked the door and came up on deck, looking at us very careful, and + playing with 'is stick. + </p> + <p> + “'You've got your money,' ses the skipper; 'now go as quick as you can.' + </p> + <p> + “'Arry smiled and nodded at him. Then he stepped on to the wharf and was + just moving to the gate, with us follering, when the wicket opened and in + came Mrs. Muffit and Uncle Dick. + </p> + <p> + “'There he is,' ses Uncle Dick. 'That's the man!' + </p> + <p> + “Mrs. Muffit walked up to 'im, and my 'art a'most stopped beating. Her + face was the colour of beetroot with temper, and you could 'ave heard her + breath fifty yards away. + </p> + <p> + “'Ho!' she says, planting 'erself in front of Artful 'Arry, 'so you're the + man that ses you're my 'usband, are you?' + </p> + <p> + “'That's all right,' ses 'Arry, 'it's all a mistake.' + </p> + <p> + “'MISTAKE?' ses Mrs. Muffit. + </p> + <p> + “'Mistake o' Bill's,' ses 'Arry, pointing to me. 'I told 'im I thought 'e + was wrong, but 'e would 'ave it. I've got a bad memory, so I left it to + 'im.' + </p> + <p> + “'Ho!' ses Mrs. Muffit, taking a deep breath. 'Ho! I thought as much. Wot + 'ave you got to say for yourself—eh?' + </p> + <p> + “She turned on me like a wild cat, with her 'ands in front of her. I've + been scratched once in my life, and I wasn't going to be agin, so, fixing + my eyes on 'er, I just stepped back a bit, ready for 'er. So long as I + kept my eye fixed on 'ers she couldn't do anything. I knew that. + Unfortunately I stepped back just a inch too far, and next moment I went + over back'ards in twelve foot of water. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link024" id="link024"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="024.jpg (140K)" src="images/024.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “Arter all, p'r'aps it was the best thing that could have 'appened to me; + it stopped her talking. It ain't the fust time I've 'ad a wet jacket; but + as for the skipper, and pore Uncle Dick—wot married her—they've + been in hot water ever since.” + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <a name="linkc10" id="linkc10"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + FOR BETTER OR WORSE + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + Mr. George Wotton, gently pushing the swing doors of the public bar of the + “King's Head” an inch apart, applied an eye to the aperture, in the hope + of discovering a moneyed friend. His gaze fell on the only man in the bar + a greybeard of sixty whose weather-beaten face and rough clothing spoke of + the sea. With a faint sigh he widened the opening and passed through. + </p> + <p> + “Mornin', Ben,” he said, with an attempt at cheerfulness. + </p> + <p> + “Have a drop with me,” said the other, heartily. “Got any money about + you?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wotton shook his head and his face fell, clearing somewhat as the + other handed him his mug. “Drink it all up, George,” he said. + </p> + <p> + His friend complied. A more tactful man might have taken longer over the + job, but Mr. Benjamin Davis, who appeared to be labouring under some + strong excitement, took no notice. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link025" id="link025"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="025.jpg (70K)" src="images/025.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “I've had a shock, George,” he said, regarding the other steadily. “I've + heard news of my old woman.” + </p> + <p> + “Didn't know you 'ad one,” said Mr. Wotton calmly. “Wot's she done?” + </p> + <p> + “She left me,” said Mr. Davis, solemnly—“she left me thirty-five + years ago. I went off to sea one fine morning, and that was the last I + ever see of er. + </p> + <p> + “Why, did she bolt?” inquired Mr. Wotton, with mild interest. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said his friend, “but I did. We'd been married three years—three + long years—and I had 'ad enough of it. Awful temper she had. The + last words I ever heard 'er say was: 'Take that!'” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wotton took up the mug and, after satisfying himself as to the absence + of contents, put it down again and yawned. + </p> + <p> + “I shouldn't worry about it if I was you,” he remarked. “She's hardly + likely to find you now. And if she does she won't get much.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis gave vent to a contemptuous laugh. “Get much!” he repeated. + “It's her what's got it. I met a old shipmate of mine this morning what I + 'adn't seen for ten years, and he told me he run acrost 'er only a month + ago. After she left me—” + </p> + <p> + “But you said you left her!” exclaimed his listening friend. + </p> + <p> + “Same thing,” said Mr. Davis, impatiently. “After she left me to work + myself to death at sea, running here and there at the orders of a pack + o'lazy scuts aft, she went into service and stayed in one place for + fifteen years. Then 'er missis died and left her all 'er money. For twenty + years, while I've been working myself to skin and bone, she's been living + in comfort and idleness.” + </p> + <p> + “'Ard lines,” said Mr. Wotton, shaking his head. “It don't bear thinking + of.” + </p> + <p> + “Why didn't she advertise for me?” said Mr. Davis, raising his voice. + “That's what I want to know. Advertisements is cheap enough; why didn't + she advertise? I should 'ave come at once if she'd said anything about + money.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wotton shook his head again. “P'r'aps she didn't want you,” he said, + slowly. + </p> + <p> + “What's that got to do with it?” demanded the other. “It was 'er dooty. + She'd got money, and I ought to have 'ad my 'arf of it. Nothing can make + up for that wasted twenty years—nothing.” + </p> + <p> + “P'r'aps she'll take you back,” said Mr. Wotton. + </p> + <p> + “Take me back?” repeated Mr. Davis. “O' course she'll take me back. She'll + have to. There's a law in the land, ain't there? What I'm thinking of is: + Can I get back my share what I ought to have 'ad for the last twenty + years?” + </p> + <p> + “Get 'er to take you back first,” counselled his friend. “Thirty-five + years is along time, and p'r'aps she has lost 'er love for you. Was you + good-looking in those days?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” snapped Mr. Davis; “I ain't altered much—. 'Sides, what about + her?” + </p> + <p> + “That ain't the question,” said the other. “She's got a home and money. It + don't matter about looks; and, wot's more, she ain't bound to keep you. If + you take my advice, you won't dream of letting her know you run away from + her. Say you was cast away at sea, and when you came back years afterwards + you couldn't find her.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis pondered for some time in sulky silence. + </p> + <p> + “P'r'aps it would be as well,” he said at last; “but I sha'n't stand no + nonsense, mind.” + </p> + <p> + “If you like I'll come with you,” said Mr. Wotton. “I ain't got nothing to + do. I could tell 'er I was cast away with you if you liked. Anything to + help a pal.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis took two inches of soiled clay pipe from his pocket and puffed + thoughtfully. + </p> + <p> + “You can come,” he said at last. “If you'd only got a copper or two we + could ride; it's down Clapham way.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wotton smiled feebly, and after going carefully through his pockets + shook his head and followed his friend outside. + </p> + <p> + “I wonder whether she'll be pleased?” he remarked, as they walked slowly + along. “She might be—women are funny creatures—so faithful. I + knew one whose husband used to knock 'er about dreadful, and after he died + she was so true to his memory she wouldn't marry again.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis grunted, and, with a longing eye at the omnibuses passing over + London Bridge, asked a policeman the distance to Clapham. + </p> + <p> + “Never mind,” said Mr. Wotton, as his friend uttered an exclamation. + “You'll have money in your pocket soon.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis's face brightened. “And a watch and chain too,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “And smoke your cigar of a Sunday,” said Mr. Wotton, “and have a + easy-chair and a glass for a friend.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis almost smiled, and then, suddenly remembering his wasted twenty + years, shook his head grimly over the friendship that attached itself to + easy-chairs and glasses of ale, and said that there was plenty of it + about. More friendship than glasses of ale and easy-chairs, perhaps. + </p> + <p> + At Clapham, they inquired the way of a small boy, and, after following the + road indicated, retraced their steps, cheered by a faint but bloodthirsty + hope of meeting him again. + </p> + <p> + A friendly baker put them on the right track at last, both gentlemen + eyeing the road with a mixture of concern and delight. It was a road of + trim semi-detached villas, each with a well-kept front garden and + neatly-curtained windows. At the gate of a house with the word + “Blairgowrie” inscribed in huge gilt letters on the fanlight Mr. Davis + paused for a moment uneasily, and then, walking up the path, followed by + Mr. Wotton, knocked at the door. + </p> + <p> + He retired a step in disorder before the apparition of a maid in cap and + apron. A sharp “Not to-day!” sounded in his ears and the door closed + again. He faced his friend gasping. + </p> + <p> + “I should give her the sack first thing,” said Mr. Wotton. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis knocked again, and again. The maid reappeared, and after + surveying them through the glass opened the door a little way and + parleyed. + </p> + <p> + “I want to see your missis,” said Mr. Davis, fiercely. + </p> + <p> + “What for?” demanded the girl. + </p> + <p> + “You tell 'er,” said Mr. Davis, inserting his foot just in time, “you tell + 'er that there's two gentlemen here what have brought 'er news of her + husband, and look sharp about it.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link026" id="link026"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="026.jpg (113K)" src="images/026.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “They was cast away with 'im,” said Mr. Wotton. + </p> + <p> + “On a desert island,” said Mr. Davis. He pushed his way in, followed by + his friend, and a head that had been leaning over the banisters was + suddenly withdrawn. For a moment he stood irresolute in the tiny passage, + and then, with a husband's boldness, he entered the front room and threw + himself into an easy-chair. Mr. Wotton, after a scared glance around the + well-furnished room, seated himself on the extreme edge of the most + uncomfortable chair he could find and coughed nervously. + </p> + <p> + “Better not be too sudden with her,” he whispered. “You don't want her to + faint, or anything of that sort. Don't let 'er know who you are at first; + let her find it out for herself.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis, who was also suffering from the stiff grandeur of his + surroundings, nodded. + </p> + <p> + “P'r'aps you'd better start, in case she reckernizes my voice,” he said, + slowly. “Pitch it in strong about me and 'ow I was always wondering what + had 'appened to her.” + </p> + <p> + “You're in luck, that's wot you are,” said his friend, enviously. “I've + only seen furniture like thiss in shop windows before. H'sh! Here she + comes.” + </p> + <p> + He started, and both men tried to look at their ease as a stiff rustling + sounded from the stairs. Then the door opened and a tall, stoutly-built + old lady with white hair swept into the room and stood regarding them. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis, unprepared for the changes wrought by thirty-five years, stared + at her aghast. The black silk dress, the gold watch-chain, and huge cameo + brooch did not help to reassure him. + </p> + <p> + “Good-good afternoon, ma'am,” said Mr. Wotton, in a thin voice. + </p> + <p> + The old lady returned the greeting, and, crossing to a chair and seating + herself in a very upright fashion, regarded him calmly. + </p> + <p> + “We—we called to see you about a dear old pal—friend, I mean,” + continued Mr. Wotton; “one o' the best. The best.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes?” said the old lady. + </p> + <p> + “He's been missing,” said Mr. Wotton, watching closely for any symptoms of + fainting, “for thir-ty-five years. Thir-ty-five years ago-very much + against his wish-he left 'is young and handsome wife to go for a sea + v'y'ge, and was shipwrecked and cast away on a desert island.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes?” said the old lady again. + </p> + <p> + “I was cast away with 'im,” said Mr. Wotton. “Both of us was cast away + with him.” + </p> + <p> + He indicated Mr. Davis with his hand, and the old lady, after a glance at + that gentleman, turned to Mr. Wotton again. + </p> + <p> + “We was on that island for longer than I like to think of,” continued Mr. + Wotton, who had a wholesome dread of dates. “But we was rescued at last, + and ever since then he has been hunting high and low for his wife.” + </p> + <p> + “It's very interesting,” murmured the old lady; “but what has it got to do + with me?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wotton gasped, and cast a helpless glance at his friend. + </p> + <p> + “You ain't heard his name yet,” he said, impressively. “Wot would you say + if I said it was—Ben Davis?” + </p> + <p> + “I should say it wasn't true,” said the old lady, promptly. + </p> + <p> + “Not—true?” said Mr. Wotton, catching his breath painfully. “Wish I + may die——” + </p> + <p> + “About the desert island,” continued the old lady, calmly. “The story that + I heard was that he went off like a cur and left his young wife to do the + best she could for herself. I suppose he's heard since that she has come + in for a bit of money.” + </p> + <p> + “Money!” repeated Mr. Wotton, in a voice that he fondly hoped expressed + artless surprise. “Money!” + </p> + <p> + “Money,” said the old lady; “and I suppose he sent you two gentlemen round + to see how the land lay.” + </p> + <p> + She was looking full at Mr. Davis as she spoke, and both men began to take + a somewhat sombre view of the situation. + </p> + <p> + “You didn't know him, else you wouldn't talk like that,” said Mr. Wotton. + “I don't suppose you'd know 'im if you was to see him now.” + </p> + <p> + “I don't suppose I should,” said the other. + </p> + <p> + “P'r'aps you'd reckernize his voice?” said Mr. Davis, breaking silence at + last. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wotton held his breath, but the old lady merely shook her head + thoughtfully. “It was a disagreeable voice when his wife used to hear it,” + she said at last. “Always fault-finding, when it wasn't swearing.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wotton glanced at his friend, and, raising his eyebrows slightly, gave + up his task. “Might ha' been faults on both sides,” said Mr. Davis, + gruffly. “You weren't all that you should ha' been, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “Me!” said his hostess, raising her voice. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, you,” said Mr. Davis, rising. “Don't you know me, Mary? Why, I knew + you the moment you come into the room.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link027" id="link027"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="027.jpg (84K)" src="images/027.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + He moved towards her awkwardly, but she rose in her turn and drew back. + </p> + <p> + “If you touch me I'll scream,” she said, firmly. “How dare you. Why, I've + never seen you before in my life.” + </p> + <p> + “It's Ben Davis, ma'am; it's 'im, right enough,” said Mr. Wotton, meekly. + </p> + <p> + “Hold your tongue,” said the old lady. + </p> + <p> + “Look at me!” commanded Mr. Davis, sternly. “Look at me straight in the + eye.” + </p> + <p> + “Don't talk nonsense,” said the other, sharply. “Look you in the eye, + indeed! I don't want to look in your eye. What would people think?” + </p> + <p> + “Let 'em think wot they like,” said Mr. Davis, recklessly. “This is a nice + home-coming after being away thirty-five years.” + </p> + <p> + “Most of it on a desert island,” put in Mr. Wotton, pathetically. + </p> + <p> + “And now I've come back,” resumed Mr. Davis; “come back to stop.” + </p> + <p> + He hung his cap on a vase on the mantelpiece that reeled under the shock, + and, dropping into his chair again, crossed his legs and eyed her sternly. + Her gaze was riveted on his dilapidated boots. She looked up and spoke + mildly. + </p> + <p> + “You're not my husband,” she said. “You've made a mistake—I think + you had better go.” + </p> + <p> + “Ho!” said Mr. Davis, with a hard laugh. “Indeed! And 'ow do you know I'm + not?” + </p> + <p> + “For the best of reasons,” was the reply. “Besides, how can you prove that + you are? Thirty-five years is a long time.” + </p> + <p> + “'Specially on a desert island,” said Mr. Wotton, rapidly. “You'd be + surprised 'ow slow the time passes. I was there with 'im, and I can lay my + hand on my 'art and assure you that that is your husband.” + </p> + <p> + “Nonsense!” said the old lady, vigorously. “Rubbish!” + </p> + <p> + “I can prove it,” said Mr. Davis, fixing her with a glittering eye. “Do + you remember the serpent I 'ad tattooed on my leg for a garter?” + </p> + <p> + “If you don't go at once,” said the old lady, hastily, “I'll send for the + police.” + </p> + <p> + “You used to admire it,” said Mr. Davis, reproachfully. “I remember once——” + </p> + <p> + “If you say another word,” said the other, in a fierce voice, “I'll send + straight off for the police. You and your serpents! I'll tell my husband + of you, that's what I'll do.” + </p> + <p> + “Your WHAT?” roared Mr. Davis, springing to his feet. + </p> + <p> + “My husband. He won't stand any of your nonsense, I can tell you. You'd + better go before he comes in.” + </p> + <p> + “O-oh,” said Mr. Davis, taking a long breath. “Oh, so you been and got + married again, 'ave you? That's your love for your husband as was cast + away while trying to earn a living for you. That's why you don't want me, + is it? We'll see. I'll wait for him.” + </p> + <p> + “You don't know what you're talking about,” said the other, with great + dignity. “I've only been married once.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis passed the back of his hand across his eyes in a dazed fashion + and stared at her. + </p> + <p> + “Is—is somebody passing himself off as me?” he demanded. “'Cos if he + is I'll 'ave you both up for bigamy.” + </p> + <p> + “Certainly not.” + </p> + <p> + “But—but—” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis turned and looked blankly at his friend. Mr. Wotton met his gaze + with dilated eyes. + </p> + <p> + “You say you recognize me as your wife?” said the old lady. + </p> + <p> + “Certainly,” said Mr. Davis, hotly. + </p> + <p> + “It's very curious,” said the other—“very. But are you sure? Look + again.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis thrust his face close to hers and stared hard. She bore his + scrutiny without flinching. + </p> + <p> + “I'm positive certain,” said Mr. Davis, taking a breath. + </p> + <p> + “That's very curious,” said the old lady; “but, then, I suppose we are a + bit alike. You see, Mrs. Davis being away, I'm looking after her house for + a bit. My name happens to be Smith.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis uttered a sharp exclamation, and, falling back a step, stared at + her open-mouthed. + </p> + <p> + “We all make mistakes,” urged Mr. Wotton, after a long silence, “and Ben's + sight ain't wot it used to be. He strained it looking out for a sail when + we was on that desert——” + </p> + <p> + “When—when'll she be back?” inquired Mr. Davis, finding his voice at + last. + </p> + <p> + The old lady affected to look puzzled. “But I thought you were certain + that I was your wife?” she said, smoothly. + </p> + <p> + “My mistake,” said Mr. Davis, ruefully. “Thirty-five years is a long time + and people change a bit; I have myself. For one thing, I must say I didn't + expect to find 'er so stout.” + </p> + <p> + “Stout!” repeated the other, quickly. + </p> + <p> + “Not that I mean you're too stout,” said Mr. Davis, hurriedly—“for + people that like stoutness, that is. My wife used to 'ave a very good + figger.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wotton nodded. “He used to rave about it on that des——” + </p> + <p> + “When will she be back?” inquired Mr. Davis, interrupting him. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Smith shook her head. “I can't say,” she replied, moving towards the + door. “When she's off holidaying, I never know when she'll return. Shall I + tell her you called?” + </p> + <p> + “Tell her I——certainly,” said Mr. Davis, with great vehemence. + “I'll come in a week's time and see if she's back.” + </p> + <p> + “She might be away for months,” said the old lady, moving slowly to the + passage and opening the street door. “Good-afternoon.” + </p> + <p> + She closed the door behind them and stood watching them through the glass + as they passed disconsolately into the street. Then she went back into the + parlour, and standing before the mantelpiece, looked long and earnestly + into the mirror. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis returned a week later—alone, and, pausing at the gate, + glanced in dismay at a bill in the window announcing that the house was to + be sold. He walked up the path still looking at it, and being admitted by + the trim servant was shown into the parlour, and stood in a dispirited + fashion before Mrs. Smith. + </p> + <p> + “Not back yet?” he inquired, gruffly. + </p> + <p> + The old lady shook her head. + </p> + <p> + “What—what—is that bill for?” demanded Mr. Davis, jerking his + thumb towards it. + </p> + <p> + “She is thinking of selling the house,” said Mrs. Smith. “I let her know + you had been, and that is, the result. She won't comeback. You won't see + her again.” + </p> + <p> + “Where is she?” inquired Mr. Davis, frowning. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Smith shook her head again. “And it would be no use my telling you,” + she said. “What she has got is her own, and the law won't let you touch a + penny of it without her consent. You must have treated her badly; why did + you leave her?” + </p> + <p> + “Why?” repeated Mr. Davis. “Why? Why, because she hit me over the 'ead + with a broom-handle.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Smith tossed her head. + </p> + <p> + “Fancy you remembering that for thirty-five years!” she said. + </p> + <p> + “Fancy forgetting it!” retorted Mr. Davis. + </p> + <p> + “I suppose she had a hot temper,” said the old lady. + </p> + <p> + “'Ot temper?” said the other. “Yes.” He leaned forward, and holding his + chilled hands over the fire stood for some time deep in thought. + </p> + <p> + “I don't know what it is,” he said at last, “but there's a something about + you that reminds me of her. It ain't your voice, 'cos she had a very nice + voice—when she wasn't in a temper—and it ain't your face, + because—” + </p> + <p> + “Yes?” said Mrs. Smith, sharply. “Because it don't remind me of her.” + </p> + <p> + “And yet the other day you said you recognized me at once,” said the old + lady. + </p> + <p> + “I thought I did,” said Mr. Davis. “One thing is, I was expecting to see + her, I s'pose.” + </p> + <p> + There was a long silence. + </p> + <p> + “Well, I won't keep you,” said Mrs. Smith at last, “and it's no good for + you to keep coming here to see her. She will never come here again. I + don't want to hurt your feelings, but you don't look over and above + respectable. Your coat is torn, your trousers are patched in a dozen + places, and your boots are half off your feet—I don't know what the + servant must think.” + </p> + <p> + “I—I only came to look for my wife,” said Mr. Davis, in a startled + voice. “I won't come again.” + </p> + <p> + “That's right,” said the old lady. “That'll please her, I know. And if she + should happen to ask what sort of a living you are making, what shall I + tell her?” + </p> + <p> + “Tell her what you said about my clothes, ma'am,” said Mr. Davis, with his + hand on the door-knob. “She'll understand then. She's known wot it is to + be poor herself. She'd got a bad temper, but she'd have cut her tongue out + afore she'd 'ave thrown a poor devil's rags in his face. Good-afternoon.” + </p> + <p> + “Good-afternoon, Ben,” said the old woman, in a changed voice. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis, half-way through the door, started as though he had been shot, + and, facing about, stood eyeing her in dumb bewilderment. + </p> + <p> + “If I take you back again,” repeated his wife, “are you going to behave + yourself?” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link028" id="link028"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="028.jpg (110K)" src="images/028.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “It isn't the same voice and it isn't the same face,” said the old woman; + “but if I'd only got a broomhandle handy——” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis made an odd noise in his throat. + </p> + <p> + “If you hadn't been so down on your luck,” said his wife, blinking her + eyes rapidly, “I'd have let you go. If you hadn't looked 'so miserable I + could have stood it. If I take you back, are you going to behave + yourself?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis stood gaping at her. + </p> + <p> + “If I take you back again,” repeated his wife, speaking very slowly, “are + you going to behave yourself?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mr. Davis, finding his voice at last. “Yes, if you are.” + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <a name="linkc11" id="linkc11"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE OLD MAN OF THE SEA + </h1> + <p> + <a name="link029" id="link029"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="029.jpg (91K)" src="images/029.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “What I want you to do,” said Mr. George Wright, as he leaned towards the + old sailor, “is to be an uncle to me.” + </p> + <p> + “Aye, aye,” said the mystified Mr. Kemp, pausing with a mug of beer midway + to his lips. + </p> + <p> + “A rich uncle,” continued the young man, lowering his voice to prevent any + keen ears in the next bar from acquiring useless knowledge. “An uncle from + New Zealand, who is going to leave me all 'is money.” + </p> + <p> + “Where's it coming from?” demanded Mr. Kemp, with a little excitement. + </p> + <p> + “It ain't coming,” was the reply. “You've only got to say you've got it. + Fact of the matter is, I've got my eye on a young lady; there's another + chap after 'er too, and if she thought I'd got a rich uncle it might make + all the difference. She knows I 'ad an uncle that went to New Zealand and + was never heard of since. That's what made me think of it.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kemp drank his beer in thoughtful silence. “How can I be a rich uncle + without any brass?” he inquired at length. + </p> + <p> + “I should 'ave to lend you some—a little,” said Mr. Wright. + </p> + <p> + The old man pondered. “I've had money lent me before,” he said, candidly, + “but I can't call to mind ever paying it back. I always meant to, but + that's as far as it got.” + </p> + <p> + “It don't matter,” said the other. “It'll only be for a little while, and + then you'll 'ave a letter calling you back to New Zealand. See? And you'll + go back, promising to come home in a year's time, after you've wound up + your business, and leave us all your money. See?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kemp scratched the back of his neck. “But she's sure to find it out in + time,” he objected. + </p> + <p> + “P'r'aps,” said Mr. Wright. “And p'r'aps not. There'll be plenty of time + for me to get married before she does, and you could write back and say + you had got married yourself, or given your money to a hospital.” + </p> + <p> + He ordered some more beer for Mr. Kemp, and in a low voice gave him as + much of the family history as he considered necessary. + </p> + <p> + “I've only known you for about ten days,” he concluded, “but I'd sooner + trust you than people I've known for years.” + </p> + <p> + “I took a fancy to you the moment I set eyes on you,” rejoined Mr. Kemp. + “You're the living image of a young fellow that lent me five pounds once, + and was drowned afore my eyes the week after. He 'ad a bit of a squint, + and I s'pose that's how he came to fall overboard.” + </p> + <p> + He emptied his mug, and then, accompanied by Mr. Wright, fetched his + sea-chest from the boarding-house where he was staying, and took it to the + young man's lodgings. Fortunately for the latter's pocket the chest + contained a good best suit and boots, and the only expenses incurred were + for a large, soft felt hat and a gilded watch and chain. Dressed in his + best, with a bulging pocket-book in his breast-pocket, he set out with Mr. + Wright on the following evening to make his first call. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wright, who was also in his best clothes, led the way to a small + tobacconist's in a side street off the Mile End Road, and, raising his hat + with some ceremony, shook hands with a good-looking young woman who stood + behind the counter: Mr. Kemp, adopting an air of scornful dignity intended + to indicate the possession of great wealth, waited. + </p> + <p> + “This is my uncle,” said Mr. Wright, speaking rapidly, “from New Zealand, + the one I spoke to you about. He turned up last night, and you might have + knocked me down with a feather. The last person in the world I expected to + see.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kemp, in a good rolling voice, said, “Good evening, miss; I hope you + are well,” and, subsiding into a chair, asked for a cigar. His surprise + when he found that the best cigar they stocked only cost sixpence almost + assumed the dimensions of a grievance. + </p> + <p> + “It'll do to go on with,” he said, smelling it suspiciously. “Have you got + change for a fifty-pound note?” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link030" id="link030"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="030.jpg (100K)" src="images/030.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + Miss Bradshaw, concealing her surprise by an effort, said that she would + see, and was scanning the contents of a drawer, when Mr. Kemp in some + haste discovered a few odd sovereigns in his waistcoat-pocket. Five + minutes later he was sitting in the little room behind the shop, holding + forth to an admiring audience. + </p> + <p> + “So far as I know,” he said, in reply to a question of Mrs. Bradshaw's, + “George is the only relation I've got. Him and me are quite alone, and I + can tell you I was glad to find him.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Bradshaw sighed. “It's a pity you are so far apart,” she said. + </p> + <p> + “It's not for long,” said Mr. Kemp. “I'm just going back for about a year + to wind up things out there, and then I'm coming back to leave my old + bones over here. George has very kindly offered to let me live with him.” + </p> + <p> + “He won't suffer for it, I'll be bound,” said Mrs. Bradshaw, archly. + </p> + <p> + “So far as money goes he won't,” said the old man. “Not that that would + make any difference to George.” + </p> + <p> + “It would be the same to me if you hadn't got a farthing,” said Mr. + Wright, promptly. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kemp, somewhat affected, shook hands with him, and leaning back in the + most comfortable chair in the room, described his life and struggles in + New Zealand. Hard work, teetotalism, and the simple life combined appeared + to be responsible for a fortune which he affected to be too old to enjoy. + Misunderstandings of a painful nature were avoided by a timely admission + that under medical advice he was now taking a fair amount of stimulant. + </p> + <p> + “Mind,” he said, as he walked home with the elated George, “it's your + game, not mine, and it's sure to come a bit expensive. I can't be a rich + uncle without spending a bit. 'Ow much did you say you'd got in the bank?” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link031" id="link031"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="031.jpg (91K)" src="images/031.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “We must be as careful as we can,” said Mr. Wright, hastily. “One thing is + they can't leave the shop to go out much. It's a very good little + business, and it ought to be all right for me and Bella one of these days, + eh?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kemp, prompted by a nudge in the ribs, assented. “It's wonderful how + they took it all in about me,” he said; “but I feel certain in my own mind + that I ought to chuck some money about.” + </p> + <p> + “Tell 'em of the money you have chucked about,” said Mr. Wright. “It'll do + just as well, and come a good deal cheaper. And you had better go round + alone to-morrow evening. It'll look better. Just go in for another one of + their sixpenny cigars.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kemp obeyed, and the following evening, after sitting a little while + chatting in the shop, was invited into the parlour, where, mindful of Mr. + Wright's instructions, he held his listeners enthralled by tales of past + expenditure. A tip of fifty pounds to his bedroom steward coming over was + characterized by Mrs. Bradshaw as extravagant. + </p> + <p> + “Seems to be going all right,” said Mr. Wright, as the old man made his + report; “but be careful; don't go overdoing it.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kemp nodded. “I can turn 'em round my little finger,” he said. “You'll + have Bella all to yourself to-morrow evening.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wright flushed. “How did you manage that?” he inquired. “It's the + first time she has ever been out with me alone.” + </p> + <p> + “She ain't coming out,” said Mr. Kemp. “She's going to stay at home and + mind the shop; it's the mother what's coming out. Going to spend the + evening with me!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wright frowned. “What did you do that for?” he demanded, hotly. + </p> + <p> + “I didn't do it,” said Mr. Kemp, equably; “they done it. The old lady says + that, just for once in her life, she wants to see how it feels to spend + money like water.” + </p> + <p> + “<i>Money like water!</i>” repeated the horrified Mr. Wright. “Money like— + I'll 'money' her—I'll——” + </p> + <p> + “It don't matter to me,” said Mr. Kemp. “I can have a headache or a chill, + or something of that sort, if you like. I don't want to go. It's no + pleasure to me.” + </p> + <p> + “What will it cost?” demanded Mr. Wright, pacing up and down the room. + </p> + <p> + The rich uncle made a calculation. “She wants to go to a place called the + Empire,” he said, slowly, “and have something for supper, and there'd be + cabs and things. I dessay it would cost a couple o' pounds, and it might + be more. But I'd just as soon ave' a chill—just.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wright groaned, and after talking of Mrs. Bradshaw as though she were + already his mother-in-law, produced the money. His instructions as to + economy lasted almost up to the moment when he stood with Bella outside + the shop on the following evening and watched the couple go off. + </p> + <p> + “It's wonderful how well they get on together,” said Bella, as they + re-entered the shop and passed into the parlour. “I've never seen mother + take to anybody so quick as she has to him.” + </p> + <p> + “I hope you like him, too,” said Mr. Wright. + </p> + <p> + “He's a dear,” said Bella. “Fancy having all that money. I wonder what it + feels like?” + </p> + <p> + “I suppose I shall know some day,” said the young man, slowly; “but it + won't be much good to me unless——” + </p> + <p> + “Unless?” said Bella, after a pause. + </p> + <p> + “Unless it gives me what I want,” replied the other. “I'd sooner be a poor + man and married to the girl I love, than a millionaire.” + </p> + <p> + Miss Bradshaw stole an uneasy glance at his somewhat sallow features, and + became thoughtful. + </p> + <p> + “It's no good having diamonds and motor-cars and that sort of thing unless + you have somebody to share them with,” pursued Mr. Wright. + </p> + <p> + Miss Bradshaw's eyes sparkled, and at that moment the shop-bell tinkled + and a lively whistle sounded. She rose and went into the shop, and Mr. + Wright settled back in his chair and scowled darkly as he saw the + intruder. + </p> + <p> + “Good evening,” said the latter. “I want a sixpenny smoke for twopence, + please. How are we this evening? Sitting up and taking nourishment?” + </p> + <p> + Miss Bradshaw told him to behave himself. + </p> + <p> + “Always do,” said the young man. “That's why I can never get anybody to + play with. I had such an awful dream about you last night that I couldn't + rest till I saw you. Awful it was.” + </p> + <p> + “What was it?” inquired Miss Bradshaw. + </p> + <p> + “Dreamt you were married,” said Mr. Hills, smiling at her. + </p> + <p> + Miss Bradshaw tossed her head. “Who to, pray?” she inquired. + </p> + <p> + “Me,” said Mr. Hills, simply. “I woke up in a cold perspiration. Halloa! + is that Georgie in there? How are you, George? Better?” + </p> + <p> + “I'm all right,” said Mr. Wright, with dignity, as the other hooked the + door open with his stick and nodded at him. + </p> + <p> + “Well, why don't you look it?” demanded the lively Mr. Hills. “Have you + got your feet wet, or what?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, be quiet,” said Miss Bradshaw, smiling at him. + </p> + <p> + “Right-o,” said Mr. Hills, dropping into a chair by the counter and + caressing his moustache. “But you wouldn't speak to me like that if you + knew what a terrible day I've had.” + </p> + <p> + “What have you been doing?” asked the girl. + </p> + <p> + “Working,” said the other, with a huge sigh. “Where's the millionaire? I + came round on purpose to have a look at him.” + </p> + <p> + “Him and mother have gone to the Empire?” said Miss Bradshaw. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Hills gave three long, penetrating whistles, and then, placing his + cigar with great care on the counter, hid his face in a huge handkerchief. + Miss Bradshaw, glanced from him to the frowning Mr. Wright, and then, + entering the parlour, closed the door with a bang. Mr. Hills took the + hint, and with a somewhat thoughtful grin departed. + </p> + <p> + He came in next evening for another cigar, and heard all that there was to + hear about the Empire. Mrs. Bradshaw would have treated him but coldly, + but the innocent Mr. Kemp, charmed by his manner, paid him great + attention. + </p> + <p> + “He's just like what I was at his age,” he said. “Lively.” + </p> + <p> + “I'm not a patch on you,” said Mr. Hills, edging his way by slow degrees + into the parlour. “I don't take young ladies to the Empire. Were you + telling me you came over here to get married, or did I dream it?” + </p> + <p> + “'Ark at him,” said the blushing Mr. Kemp, as Mrs. Bradshaw shook her head + at the offender and told him to behave himself. + </p> + <p> + “He's a man any woman might be happy with,” said Mr. Hills. “He never + knows how much there is in his trousers-pocket. Fancy sewing on buttons + for a man like that. Gold-mining ain't in it.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Bradshaw shook her head at him again, and Mr. Hills, after + apologizing to her for revealing her innermost thoughts before the most + guileless of men, began to question Mr. Kemp as to the prospects of a + bright and energetic young man, with a distaste for work, in New Zealand. + The audience listened with keen attention to the replies, the only + disturbing factor being a cough of Mr. Wright's, which became more and + more troublesome as the evening wore on. By the time uncle and nephew rose + to depart the latter was so hoarse that he could scarcely speak. + </p> + <p> + “Why didn't you tell 'em you had got a letter calling you home, as I told + you?” he vociferated, as soon as they were clear of the shop. + </p> + <p> + “I—I forgot it,” said the old man. + </p> + <p> + “Forgot it!” repeated the incensed Mr. Wright. + </p> + <p> + “What did you think I was coughing like that for—fun?” + </p> + <p> + “I forgot it,” said the old man, doggedly. “Besides, if you take my + advice, you'd better let me stay a little longer to make sure of things.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wright laughed disagreeably. “I dare say,” he said; “but I am managing + this affair, not you. Now, you go round to-morrow afternoon and tell them + you're off. D'ye hear? D'ye think I'm made of money? And what do you mean + by making such a fuss of that fool, Charlie Hills? You know he is after + Bella.” + </p> + <p> + He walked the rest of the way home in indignant silence, and, after giving + minute instructions to Mr. Kemp next morning at breakfast, went off to + work in a more cheerful frame of mind. Mr. Kemp was out when he returned, + and after making his toilet he followed him to Mrs. Bradshaw's. + </p> + <p> + To his annoyance, he found Mr. Hills there again; and, moreover, it soon + became clear to him that Mr. Kemp had said nothing about his approaching + departure. Coughs and scowls passed unheeded, and at last in a hesitating + voice, he broached the subject himself. There was a general chorus of + lamentation. + </p> + <p> + “I hadn't got the heart to tell you,” said Mr. Kemp. “I don't know when + I've been so happy.” + </p> + <p> + “But you haven't got to go back immediate,” said Mrs. Bradshaw. + </p> + <p> + “To-morrow,” said Mr. Wright, before the old man could reply. “Business.” + </p> + <p> + “Must you go,” said Mrs. Bradshaw. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kemp smiled feebly. “I suppose I ought to,” he replied, in a + hesitating voice. + </p> + <p> + “Take my tip and give yourself a bit of a holiday before you go back,” + urged Mr. Hills. + </p> + <p> + “Just for a few days,” pleaded Bella. + </p> + <p> + “To please us,” said Mrs. Bradshaw. “Think 'ow George'll miss you.” + </p> + <p> + “Lay hold of him and don't let him go,” said Mr. Hills. + </p> + <p> + He took Mr. Kemp round the waist, and the laughing Bella and her mother + each secured an arm. An appeal to Mr. Wright to secure his legs passed + unheeded. + </p> + <p> + “We don't let you go till you promise,” said Mrs. Bradshaw. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kemp smiled and shook his head. “Promise?” said Bella. + </p> + <p> + “Well, well,” said Mr. Kemp; “p'r'aps—” + </p> + <p> + “He must go back,” shouted the alarmed Mr. Wright. + </p> + <p> + “Let him speak for himself,” exclaimed Bella, indignantly. + </p> + <p> + “Just another week then,” said Mr. Kemp. “It's no good having money if I + can't please myself.” + </p> + <p> + “A week!” shouted Mr. Wright, almost beside himself with rage and dismay. + “A week! Another week! Why, you told me——” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, don't listen to him,” said Mrs. Bradshaw. “Croaker! It's his own + business, ain't it? And he knows best, don't he? What's it got to do with + you?” + </p> + <p> + She patted Mr. Kemp's hand; Mr. Kemp patted back, and with his disengaged + hand helped himself to a glass of beer—the fourth—and beamed + in a friendly fashion upon the company. + </p> + <p> + “George!” he said, suddenly. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mr. Wright, in a harsh voice. + </p> + <p> + “Did you think to bring my pocket-book along with you?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Mr. Wright, sharply; “I didn't.” + </p> + <p> + “Tt-tt,” said the old man, with a gesture of annoyance. “Well, lend me a + couple of pounds, then, or else run back and fetch my pocket-book,” he + added, with a sly grin. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wright's face worked with impotent fury. “What—what—do you—want + it for?” he gasped. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Bradshaw's “Well! Well!” seemed to sum up the general feeling; Mr. + Kemp, shaking his head, eyed him with gentle reproach. + </p> + <p> + “Me and Mrs. Bradshaw are going to gave another evening out,” he said, + quietly. “I've only got a few more days, and I must make hay while the sun + shines.” + </p> + <p> + To Mr. Wright the room seemed to revolve slowly on its axis, but, + regaining his self-possession by a supreme effort, he took out his purse + and produced the amount. Mrs. Bradshaw, after a few feminine + protestations, went upstairs to put her bonnet on. + </p> + <p> + “And you can go and fetch a hansom-cab, George, while she's a-doing of + it,” said Mr. Kemp. “Pick out a good 'orse—spotted-grey, if you + can.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wright arose and, departing with a suddenness that was almost + startling, exploded harmlessly in front of the barber's, next door but + one. Then with lagging steps he went in search of the shabbiest cab and + oldest horse he could find. + </p> + <p> + “Thankee, my boy,” said Mr. Kemp, bluffly, as he helped Mrs. Bradshaw in + and stood with his foot on the step. “By the way, you had better go back + and lock my pocket-book up. I left it on the washstand, and there's best + part of a thousand pounds in it. You can take fifty for yourself to buy + smokes with.” + </p> + <p> + There was a murmur of admiration, and Mr. Wright, with a frantic attempt + to keep up appearances, tried to thank him, but in vain. Long after the + cab had rolled away he stood on the pavement trying to think out a + position which was rapidly becoming unendurable. Still keeping up + appearances, he had to pretend to go home to look after the pocket-book, + leaving the jubilant Mr. Hills to improve the shining hour with Miss + Bradshaw. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kemp, returning home at midnight—in a cab—found the young + man waiting up for him, and, taking a seat on the edge of the table, + listened unmoved to a word-picture of himself which seemed interminable. + He was only moved to speech when Mr. Wright described him as a + white-whiskered jezebel who was a disgrace to his sex, and then merely in + the interests of natural science. + </p> + <p> + “Don't you worry,” he said, as the other paused from exhaustion. “It won't + be for long now.” + </p> + <p> + “Long?” said Mr. Wright, panting. “First thing to-morrow morning you have + a telegram calling you back—a telegram that must be minded. D'ye + see?” + </p> + <p> + “No, I don't,” said Mr. Kemp, plainly. “I'm not going back, never no more—never! + I'm going to stop here and court Mrs. Bradshaw.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wright fought for breath. “You—you can't!” he gasped. + </p> + <p> + “I'm going to have a try,” said the old man. “I'm sick of going to sea, + and it'll be a nice comfortable home for my old age. You marry Bella, and + I'll marry her mother. Happy family!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wright, trembling with rage, sat down to recover, and, regaining his + composure after a time, pointed out almost calmly the various difficulties + in the way. + </p> + <p> + “I've thought it all out,” said Mr. Kemp, nodding. “She mustn't know I'm + not rich till after we're married; then I 'ave a letter from New Zealand + saying I've lost all my money. It's just as easy to have that letter as + the one you spoke of.” + </p> + <p> + “And I'm to find you money to play the rich uncle with till you're + married, I suppose,” said Mr. Wright, in a grating voice, “and then lose + Bella when Mrs. Bradshaw finds you've lost your money?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kemp scratched his ear. “That's your lookout,” he said, at last. + </p> + <p> + “Now, look here,” said Mr. Wright, with great determination. “Either you + go and tell them that you've been telegraphed for—cabled is the + proper word—or I tell them the truth.” + </p> + <p> + “That'll settle you then,” said Mr. Kemp. + </p> + <p> + “No more than the other would,” retorted the young man, “and it'll come + cheaper. One thing I'll take my oath of, and that is I won't give you + another farthing; but if you do as I tell you I'll give you a quid for + luck. Now, think it over.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Kemp thought it over, and after a vain attempt to raise the promised + reward to five pounds, finally compounded for two, and went off to bed + after a few stormy words on selfishness and ingratitude. He declined to + speak to his host at breakfast next morning, and accompanied him in the + evening with the air of a martyr going to the stake. He listened in stony + silence to the young man's instructions, and only spoke when the latter + refused to pay the two pounds in advance. + </p> + <p> + The news, communicated in halting accents by Mr. Kemp, was received with + flattering dismay. Mrs. Bradshaw refused to believe her ears, and it was + only after the information had been repeated and confirmed by Mr. Wright + that she understood. + </p> + <p> + “I must go,” said Mr. Kemp. “I've spent over eleven pounds cabling to-day; + but it's all no good.” + </p> + <p> + “But you're coming back?” said Mr. Hills. + </p> + <p> + “O' course I am,” was the reply. “George is the only relation I've got, + and I've got to look after him, I suppose. After all, blood is thicker + than water.” + </p> + <p> + “Hear, hear!” said Mrs. Bradshaw, piously. + </p> + <p> + “And there's you and Bella,” continued Mr. Kemp; “two of the best that + ever breathed.” + </p> + <p> + The ladies looked down. + </p> + <p> + “And Charlie Hills; I don't know—I don't know <i>when</i> I've took + such a fancy to anybody as I have to 'im. If I was a young gal—a + single young gal—he's—the other half,” he said, slowly, as he + paused—“just the one I should fancy. He's a good-'arted, + good-looking——” + </p> + <p> + “Draw it mild,” interrupted the blushing Mr. Hills as Mr. Wright bestowed + a ferocious glance upon the speaker. + </p> + <p> + “Clever, lively young fellow,” concluded Mr. Kemp. “George!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mr. Wright. + </p> + <p> + “I'm going now. I've got to catch the train for Southampton, but I don't + want you to come with me. I prefer to be alone. You stay here and cheer + them up. Oh, and before I forget it, lend me a couple o' pounds out o' + that fifty I gave you last night. I've given all my small change away.” + </p> + <p> + He looked up and met Mr. Wright's eye; the latter, too affected to speak, + took out the money and passed it over. + </p> + <p> + “We never know what may happen to us,” said the old man, solemnly, as he + rose and buttoned his coat. “I'm an old man and I like to have things + ship-shape. I've spent nearly the whole day with my lawyer, and if + anything 'appens to my old carcass it won't make any difference. I have + left half my money to George; half of all I have is to be his.” + </p> + <p> + In the midst of an awed silence he went round and shook hands. + </p> + <p> + “The other half,” with his hand on the door—“the other half and my + best gold watch and chain I have left to my dear young pal, Charlie Hills. + Good-bye, Georgie!” + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <a name="linkc12" id="linkc12"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + “MANNERS MAKYTH MAN” + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + The night-watchman appeared to be out of sorts. His movements were even + slower than usual, and, when he sat, the soap-box seemed to be unable to + give satisfaction. His face bore an expression of deep melancholy, but a + smouldering gleam in his eye betokened feelings deeply moved. + </p> + <p> + “Play-acting I don't hold with,” he burst out, with sudden ferocity. + “Never did. I don't say I ain't been to a theayter once or twice in my + life, but I always come away with the idea that anybody could act if they + liked to try. It's a kid's game, a silly kid's game, dressing up and + pretending to be somebody else.” + </p> + <p> + He cut off a piece of tobacco and, stowing it in his left cheek, sat + chewing, with his lack-lustre eyes fixed on the wharves across the river. + The offensive antics of a lighterman in mid-stream, who nearly fell + overboard in his efforts to attract his attention, he ignored. + </p> + <p> + “I might ha' known it, too,” he said, after a long silence. “If I'd only + stopped to think, instead o' being in such a hurry to do good to others, I + should ha' been all right, and the pack o' monkey-faced swabs on the <i>Lizzie + and Annie</i> wot calls themselves sailor-men would 'ave had to 'ave got + something else to laugh about. They've told it in every pub for 'arf a + mile round, and last night, when I went into the Town of Margate to get a + drink, three chaps climbed over the partition to 'ave a look at me. + </p> + <p> + “It all began with young Ted Sawyer, the mate o' the <i>Lizzie and Annie</i>. + He calls himself a mate, but if it wasn't for 'aving the skipper for a + brother-in-law 'e'd be called something else, very quick. Two or three + times we've 'ad words over one thing and another, and the last time I + called 'im something that I can see now was a mistake. It was one o' these + 'ere clever things that a man don't forget, let alone a lop-sided monkey + like 'im. + </p> + <p> + “That was when they was up time afore last, and when they made fast 'ere + last week I could see as he 'adn't forgotten it. For one thing he + pretended not to see me, and, arter I 'ad told him wot I'd do to him if 'e + ran into me agin, he said 'e thought I was a sack o' potatoes taking a + airing on a pair of legs wot somebody 'ad throwed away. Nasty tongue 'e's + got; not clever, but nasty. + </p> + <p> + “Arter that I took no notice of 'im, and, o' course, that annoyed 'im more + than anything. All I could do I done, and 'e was ringing the gate-bell + that night from five minutes to twelve till ha'-past afore I heard it. + Many a night-watchman gets a name for going to sleep when 'e's only + getting a bit of 'is own back. + </p> + <p> + “We stood there talking for over 'arf-an-hour arter I 'ad let'im in. + Leastways, he did. And whenever I see as he was getting tired I just said, + 'H'sh!' and 'e'd start agin as fresh as ever. He tumbled to it at last, + and went aboard shaking 'is little fist at me and telling me wot he'd do + to me if it wasn't for the lor. + </p> + <p> + “I kept by the gate as soon as I came on dooty next evening, just to give + 'im a little smile as 'e went out. There is nothing more aggravating than + a smile when it is properly done; but there was no signs o' my lord, and, + arter practising it on a carman by mistake, I 'ad to go inside for a bit + and wait till he 'ad gorn. + </p> + <p> + “The coast was clear by the time I went back, and I 'ad just stepped + outside with my back up agin the gate-post to 'ave a pipe, when I see a + boy coming along with a bag. Good-looking lad of about fifteen 'e was, + nicely dressed in a serge suit, and he no sooner gets up to me than 'e + puts down the bag and looks up at me with a timid sort o' little smile. + </p> + <p> + “'Good evening, cap'n,' he ses. + </p> + <p> + “He wasn't the fust that has made that mistake; older people than 'im have + done it. + </p> + <p> + “'Good evening, my lad,' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'I s'pose,' he ses, in a trembling voice, 'I suppose you ain't looking + out for a cabin-boy, sir?' + </p> + <p> + “'Cabin-boy?' I ses. 'No, I ain't.' + </p> + <p> + “'I've run away from 'ome to go to sea,' he ses, and I'm afraid of being + pursued. Can I come inside?' + </p> + <p> + “Afore I could say 'No' he 'ad come, bag and all; and afore I could say + anything else he 'ad nipped into the office and stood there with his 'and + on his chest panting. + </p> + <p> + “'I know I can trust you,' he ses; 'I can see it by your face.” + </p> + <p> + “'Wot 'ave you run away from 'ome for?' I ses. 'Have they been + ill-treating of you?' + </p> + <p> + “'Ill-treating me?' he ses, with a laugh. 'Not much. Why, I expect my + father is running about all over the place offering rewards for me. He + wouldn't lose me for a thousand pounds.' + </p> + <p> + “I pricked up my ears at that; I don't deny it. Anybody would. Besides, I + knew it would be doing him a kindness to hand 'im back to 'is father. And + then I did a bit o' thinking to see 'ow it was to be done. + </p> + <p> + “'Sit down,' I ses, putting three or four ledgers on the floor behind one + of the desks. 'Sit down, and let's talk it over.' + </p> + <p> + “We talked away for ever so long, but, do all I would, I couldn't persuade + 'im. His 'ead was stuffed full of coral islands and smugglers and pirates + and foreign ports. He said 'e wanted to see the world, and flying-fish. + </p> + <p> + “'I love the blue billers,' he ses; 'the heaving blue billers is wot I + want.' + </p> + <p> + “I tried to explain to 'im who would be doing the heaving, but 'e wouldn't + listen to me. He sat on them ledgers like a little wooden image, looking + up at me and shaking his 'ead, and when I told 'im of storms and + shipwrecks he just smacked 'is lips and his blue eyes shone with joy. + Arter a time I saw it was no good trying to persuade 'im, and I pretended + to give way. + </p> + <p> + “'I think I can get you a ship with a friend o' mine,' I ses; 'but, mind, + I've got to relieve your pore father's mind—I must let 'im know + wot's become of you.' + </p> + <p> + “'Not before I've sailed,' he ses, very quick. + </p> + <p> + “'Certingly not,' I ses. 'But you must give me 'is name and address, and, + arter the Blue Shark—that's the name of your ship—is clear of + the land, I'll send 'im a letter with no name to it, saying where you ave + gorn.' + </p> + <p> + “He didn't seem to like it at fust, and said 'e would write 'imself, but + arter I 'ad pointed out that 'e might forget and that I was responsible, + 'e gave way and told me that 'is father was named Mr. Watson, and he kept + a big draper's shop in the Commercial Road. + </p> + <p> + “We talked a bit arter that, just to stop 'is suspicions, and then I told + 'im to stay where 'e was on the floor, out of sight of the window, while I + went to see my friend the captain. + </p> + <p> + “I stood outside for a moment trying to make up my mind wot to do. + O'course, I 'ad no business, strictly speaking, to leave the wharf, but, + on the other 'and, there was a father's 'art to relieve. I edged along bit + by bit while I was thinking, and then, arter looking back once or twice to + make sure that the boy wasn't watching me, I set off for the Commercial + Road as hard as I could go. + </p> + <p> + “I'm not so young as I was. It was a warm evening, and I 'adn't got even a + bus fare on me. I 'ad to walk all the way, and, by the time I got there, I + was 'arf melted. It was a tidy-sized shop, with three or four nice-looking + gals behind the counter, and things like babies' high chairs for the + customers to sit onlong in the leg and ridikerlously small in the seat. I + went up to one of the gals and told Per I wanted to see Mr. Watson. + </p> + <p> + “'On private business,' I ses. 'Very important.' + </p> + <p> + “She looked at me for a moment, and then she went away and fetched a tall, + bald-headed man with grey side-whiskers and a large nose. + </p> + <p> + “'Wot d'you want?” he ses, coming up to me. + </p> + <p> + I want a word with you in private,' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'This is private enough for me,' he ses. 'Say wot you 'ave to say, and be + quick about it.' + </p> + <p> + “I drawed myself up a bit and looked at him. 'P'r'aps you ain't missed 'im + yet,' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'Missed 'im?' he ses, with a growl. 'Missed who?' + </p> + <p> + “'Your-son. Your blue-eyed son,' I ses, looking 'im straight in the eye. + </p> + <p> + “'Look here!' he ses, spluttering. 'You be off. 'Ow dare you come here + with your games? Wot d'ye mean by it?' + </p> + <p> + “'I mean,' I ses, getting a bit out o' temper, 'that your boy has run away + to go to sea, and I've come to take you to 'im.' + </p> + <p> + “He seemed so upset that I thought 'e was going to 'ave a fit at fust, and + it seemed only natural, too. Then I see that the best-looking girl and + another was having a fit, although trying 'ard not to. + </p> + <p> + “'If you don't get out o' my shop,' he ses at last, 'I'll 'ave you locked + up.' + </p> + <p> + “'Very good!' I ses, in a quiet way. 'Very good; but, mark my words, if + he's drownded you'll never forgive yourself as long as you live for + letting your temper get the better of you—you'll never know a good + night's rest agin. Besides, wot about 'is mother?' + </p> + <p> + “One o' them silly gals went off agin just like a damp firework, and Mr. + Watson, arter nearly choking 'imself with temper, shoved me out o' the way + and marched out o' the shop. I didn't know wot to make of 'im at fust, and + then one o' the gals told me that 'e was a bachelor and 'adn't got no son, + and that somebody 'ad been taking advantage of what she called my + innercence to pull my leg. + </p> + <p> + “'You toddle off 'ome,' she ses, 'before Mr. Watson comes back.' + </p> + <p> + “'It's a shame to let 'im come out alone,' ses one o' the other gals. + 'Where do you live, gran'pa?' + </p> + <p> + “I see then that I 'ad been done, and I was just walking out o' the shop, + pretending to be deaf, when Mr. Watson come back with a silly young + policeman wot asked me wot I meant by it. He told me to get off 'ome + quick, and actually put his 'and on my shoulder, but it 'ud take more than + a thing like that to push me, and, arter trying his 'ardest, he could only + rock me a bit. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link033" id="link033"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="033.jpg (154K)" src="images/033.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “I went at last because I wanted to see that boy agin, and the young + policeman follered me quite a long way, shaking his silly 'ead at me and + telling me to be careful. + </p> + <p> + “I got a ride part o' the way from Commercial Road to Aldgate by getting + on the wrong bus, but it wasn't much good, and I was quite tired by the + time I got back to the wharf. I waited outside for a minute or two to get + my wind back agin, and then I went in-boiling. + </p> + <p> + “You might ha' knocked me down with a feather, as the saying is, and I + just stood inside the office speechless. The boy 'ad disappeared and + sitting on the floor where I 'ad left 'im was a very nice-looking gal of + about eighteen, with short 'air, and a white blouse. + </p> + <p> + “'Good evening, sir,' she ses, jumping up and giving me a pretty little + frightened look. 'I'm so sorry that my brother has been deceiving you. + He's a bad, wicked, ungrateful boy. The idea of telling you that Mr. + Watson was 'is father! Have you been there? I do 'ope you're not tired.' + </p> + <p> + “'Where is he?' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'He's gorn,' she ses, shaking her 'ead. 'I begged and prayed of 'im to + stop, but 'e wouldn't. He said 'e thought you might be offended with 'im. + “Give my love to old Roley-Poley, and tell him I don't trust 'im,” he + ses.' + </p> + <p> + “She stood there looking so scared that I didn't know wot to say. By and + by she took out 'er little pocket-'ankercher and began to cry— + </p> + <p> + “'Oh, get 'im back,' she ses. 'Don't let it be said I follered 'im 'ere + all the way for nothing. Have another try. For my sake!' + </p> + <p> + “''Ow can I get 'im back when I don't know where he's gorn?' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'He-he's gorn to 'is godfather,' she ses, dabbing her eyes. 'I promised + 'im not to tell anybody; but I don't know wot to do for the best.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well, p'r'aps his godfather will 'old on to 'im,' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'He won't tell 'im anything about going to sea,' she ses, shaking 'er + little head. 'He's just gorn to try and bo—bo-borrow some money to + go away with.' + </p> + <p> + “She bust out sobbing, and it was all I could do to get the godfather's + address out of 'er. When I think of the trouble I took to get it I come + over quite faint. At last she told me, between 'er sobs, that 'is name was + Mr. Kiddem, and that he lived at 27, Bridge Street. + </p> + <p> + “'He's one o' the kindest-'arted and most generous men that ever lived,' + she ses; 'that's why my brother Harry 'as gone to 'im. And you needn't + mind taking anything 'e likes to give you; he's rolling in money.' + </p> + <p> + “I took it a bit easier going to Bridge Street, but the evening seemed + 'otter than ever, and by the time I got to the 'ouse I was pretty near + done up. A nice, tidy-looking woman opened the door, but she was a' most + stone deaf, and I 'ad to shout the name pretty near a dozen times afore + she 'eard it. + </p> + <p> + “'He don't live 'ere,' she ses. + </p> + <p> + “''As he moved?' I ses. 'Or wot?' + </p> + <p> + “She shook her 'cad, and, arter telling me to wait, went in and fetched + her 'usband. + </p> + <p> + “'Never 'eard of him,' he ses, 'and we've been 'ere seventeen years. Are + you sure it was twenty-seven?' + </p> + <p> + “'Sartain,' I ses. + </p> + <p> + “'Well, he don't live 'ere,' he ses. 'Why not try thirty-seven and + forty-seven?' + </p> + <p> + “I tried'em: thirty-seven was empty, and a pasty-faced chap at forty-seven + nearly made 'imself ill over the name of 'Kiddem.' It 'adn't struck me + before, but it's a hard matter to deceive me, and all in a flash it come + over me that I 'ad been done agin, and that the gal was as bad as 'er + brother. + </p> + <p> + “I was so done up I could 'ardly crawl back, and my 'ead was all in a + maze. Three or four times I stopped and tried to think, but couldn't, but + at last I got back and dragged myself into the office. + </p> + <p> + “As I 'arf expected, it was empty. There was no sign of either the gal or + the boy; and I dropped into a chair and tried to think wot it all meant. + Then, 'appening to look out of the winder, I see somebody running up and + down the jetty. + </p> + <p> + “I couldn't see plain owing to the things in the way, but as soon as I got + outside and saw who it was I nearly dropped. It was the boy, and he was + running up and down wringing his 'ands and crying like a wild thing, and, + instead o' running away as soon as 'e saw me, he rushed right up to me and + threw 'is grubby little paws round my neck. + </p> + <p> + “'Save her!' 'e ses. 'Save 'er! Help! Help!' + </p> + <p> + “'Look 'ere,' I ses, shoving 'im off. + </p> + <p> + “'She fell overboard,' he ses, dancing about. 'Oh, my pore sister! Quick! + Quick! I can't swim!' + </p> + <p> + “He ran to the side and pointed at the water, which was just about at + 'arf-tide. Then 'e caught 'old of me agin. + </p> + <p> + “'Make 'aste,' he ses, giving me a shove behind. 'Jump in. Wot are you + waiting for?' + </p> + <p> + “I stood there for a moment 'arf dazed, looking down at the water. Then I + pulled down a life-belt from the wall 'ere and threw it in, and, arter + another moment's thought, ran back to the <i>Lizzie and Annie,</i> wot was + in the inside berth, and gave them a hail. I've always 'ad a good voice, + and in a flash the skipper and Ted Sawyer came tumbling up out of the + cabin and the 'ands out of the fo'c'sle. + </p> + <p> + “'Gal overboard!' I ses, shouting. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link032" id="link032"></a> <br /><br /> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img alt="032.jpg (93K)" src="images/032.jpg" width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + “The skipper just asked where, and then 'im and the mate and a couple of + 'ands tumbled into their boat and pulled under the jetty for all they was + worth. Me and the boy ran back and stood with the others, watching. + </p> + <p> + “'Point out the exact spot,' ses the skipper. + </p> + <p> + “The boy pointed, and the skipper stood up in the boat and felt round with + a boat-hook. Twice 'e said he thought 'e touched something, but it turned + out as 'e was mistaken. His face got longer and longer and 'e shook his + 'ead, and said he was afraid it was no good. + </p> + <p> + “'Don't stand cryin' 'ere,' he ses to the boy, kindly. 'Jem, run round for + the Thames police, and get them and the drags. Take the boy with you. + It'll occupy 'is mind.' + </p> + <p> + “He 'ad another go with the boat-hook arter they 'ad gone; then 'e gave it + up, and sat in the boat waiting. + </p> + <p> + “'This'll be a bad job for you, watchman,' he ses, shaking his 'ead. + 'Where was you when it 'appened?' + </p> + <p> + “'He's been missing all the evening,' ses the cook, wot was standing + beside me. 'If he'd been doing 'is dooty, the pore gal wouldn't 'ave been + drownded. Wot was she doing on the wharf?' + </p> + <p> + “'Skylarkin', I s'pose,' ses the mate. 'It's a wonder there ain't more + drownded. Wot can you expect when the watchman is sitting in a pub all the + evening?' + </p> + <p> + “The cook said I ought to be 'ung, and a young ordinary seaman wot was + standing beside 'im said he would sooner I was boiled. I believe they 'ad + words about it, but I was feeling too upset to take much notice. + </p> + <p> + “'Looking miserable won't bring 'er back to life agin,' ses the skipper, + looking up at me and shaking his 'ead. 'You'd better go down to my cabin + and get yourself a drop o' whisky; there's a bottle on the table. You'll + want all your wits about you when the police come. And wotever you do + don't say nothing to criminate yourself.' + </p> + <p> + “'We'll do the criminating for 'im all right,' ses the cook. + </p> + <p> + “'If I was the pore gal I'd haunt 'im,' ses the ordinary seaman; 'every + night of 'is life I'd stand afore 'im dripping with water and moaning.' + </p> + <p> + “'P'r'aps she will,' ses the cook; 'let's 'ope so, at any rate.' + </p> + <p> + “I didn't answer 'em; I was too dead-beat. Besides which, I've got a + 'orror of ghosts, and the idea of being on the wharf alone of a night + arter such a thing was a'most too much for me. I went on board the <i>Lizzie + and Annie,</i> and down in the cabin I found a bottle o' whisky, as the + skipper 'ad said. I sat down on the locker and 'ad a glass, and then I sat + worrying and wondering wot was to be the end of it all. + </p> + <p> + “The whisky warmed me up a bit, and I 'ad just taken up the bottle to 'elp + myself agin when I 'eard a faint sort o' sound in the skipper's + state-room. I put the bottle down and listened, but everything seemed + deathly still. I took it up agin, and 'ad just poured out a drop o' whisky + when I distinctly 'eard a hissing noise and then a little moan. + </p> + <p> + “For a moment I sat turned to stone. Then I put the bottle down quiet, and + 'ad just got up to go when the door of the state-room opened, and I saw + the drownded gal, with 'er little face and hair all wet and dripping, + standing before me. + </p> + <p> + “Ted Sawyer 'as been telling everybody that I came up the companion-way + like a fog-horn that 'ad lost its ma; I wonder how he'd 'ave come up if + he'd 'ad the evening I had 'ad? + </p> + <p> + “They were all on the jetty as I got there and tumbled into the skipper's + arms, and all asking at once wot was the matter. When I got my breath back + a bit and told 'em, they laughed. All except the cook, and 'e said it was + only wot I might expect. Then, like a man in a dream, I see the gal come + out of the companion and walk slowly to the side. + </p> + <p> + “'Look!' I ses. 'Look. There she is!' + </p> + <p> + “'You're dreaming,' ses the skipper, 'there's nothing there.' + </p> + <p> + “They all said the same, even when the gal stepped on to the side and + climbed on to the wharf. She came along towards me with 'er arms held + close to 'er sides, and making the most 'orrible faces at me, and it took + five of'em all their time to 'old me. The wharf and everything seemed to + me to spin round and round. Then she came straight up to me and patted me + on the cheek. + </p> + <p> + “'Pore old gentleman,' she ses. 'Wot a shame it is, Ted! It's too bad.' + </p> + <p> + “They let go o' me then, and stamped up and down the jetty laughing fit to + kill themselves. If they 'ad only known wot a exhibition they was making + of themselves, and 'ow I pitied them, they wouldn't ha' done it. And by + and by Ted wiped his eyes and put his arm round the gal's waist and ses— + </p> + <p> + “'This is my intended, Miss Florrie Price,' he ses. 'Ain't she a little + wonder? Wot d'ye think of 'er?' + </p> + <p> + “'I'll keep my own opinion,' I ses. 'I ain't got nothing to say against + gals, but if I only lay my hands on that young brother of 'ers' + </p> + <p> + “They went off agin then, worse than ever; and at last the cook came and + put 'is skinny arm round my neck and started spluttering in my ear. I + shoved 'im off hard, because I see it all then; and I should ha' seen it + afore only I didn't 'ave time to think. I don't bear no malice, and all I + can say is that I don't wish 'er any harder punishment than to be married + to Ted Sawyer.” + </p> + <div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10573 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/10573-h/images/001.jpg b/10573-h/images/001.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..95cc12e --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/001.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/002.jpg b/10573-h/images/002.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..adb6ce6 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/002.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/003.jpg b/10573-h/images/003.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8131c96 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/003.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/004.jpg b/10573-h/images/004.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1daedb3 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/004.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/005.jpg b/10573-h/images/005.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..27bbc05 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/005.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/006.jpg b/10573-h/images/006.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a53d721 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/006.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/007.jpg b/10573-h/images/007.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..09d1d7b --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/007.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/008.jpg b/10573-h/images/008.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..ad6d9f7 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/008.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/009.jpg b/10573-h/images/009.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..79e65c9 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/009.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/010.jpg b/10573-h/images/010.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..7d9c1b7 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/010.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/011.jpg b/10573-h/images/011.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..61611cc --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/011.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/012.jpg b/10573-h/images/012.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1b1fb64 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/012.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/013.jpg b/10573-h/images/013.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..74e1f33 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/013.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/014.jpg b/10573-h/images/014.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..54570c2 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/014.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/015.jpg b/10573-h/images/015.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..ca9caf4 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/015.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/016.jpg b/10573-h/images/016.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a092a41 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/016.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/017.jpg b/10573-h/images/017.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..564dade --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/017.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/018.jpg b/10573-h/images/018.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..69e7416 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/018.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/019.jpg b/10573-h/images/019.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2155ef7 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/019.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/020.jpg b/10573-h/images/020.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..287b640 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/020.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/021.jpg b/10573-h/images/021.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..19feadc --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/021.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/022.jpg b/10573-h/images/022.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..06f6575 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/022.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/023.jpg b/10573-h/images/023.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a0a5040 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/023.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/024.jpg b/10573-h/images/024.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..fe1c65e --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/024.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/025.jpg b/10573-h/images/025.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b15b3d0 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/025.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/026.jpg b/10573-h/images/026.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..55032dd --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/026.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/027.jpg b/10573-h/images/027.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..aae3221 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/027.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/028.jpg b/10573-h/images/028.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..72ac775 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/028.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/029.jpg b/10573-h/images/029.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b77284c --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/029.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/030.jpg b/10573-h/images/030.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1776f33 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/030.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/031.jpg b/10573-h/images/031.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..80d70c1 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/031.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/032.jpg b/10573-h/images/032.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..4855d82 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/032.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/033.jpg b/10573-h/images/033.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..956f7e2 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/033.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/cover.jpg b/10573-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..cd71de6 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/cover.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/frontis.jpg b/10573-h/images/frontis.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6259d1a --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/frontis.jpg diff --git a/10573-h/images/title.jpg b/10573-h/images/title.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e2b7ee1 --- /dev/null +++ b/10573-h/images/title.jpg |
