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diff --git a/10568.txt b/10568.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2de9cac --- /dev/null +++ b/10568.txt @@ -0,0 +1,922 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Dual Control, by W.W. Jacobs + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Dual Control + Ship's Company, Part 8. + +Author: W.W. Jacobs + +Release Date: January 1, 2004 [EBook #10568] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DUAL CONTROL *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + +SHIP'S COMPANY + +By W.W. Jacobs + + + +DUAL CONTROL + + +"Never say 'die,' Bert," said Mr. Culpepper, kindly; "I like you, and so +do most other people who know what's good for 'em; and if Florrie don't +like you she can keep single till she does." + +Mr. Albert Sharp thanked him. + +"Come in more oftener," said Mr. Culpepper. "If she don't know a steady +young man when she sees him, it's her mistake." + +"Nobody could be steadier than what I am," sighed Mr. Sharp. + +Mr. Culpepper nodded. "The worst of it is, girls don't like steady young +men," he said, rumpling his thin grey hair; "that's the silly part of +it." + +"But you was always steady, and Mrs. Culpepper married you," said the +young man. + +Mr. Culpepper nodded again. "She thought I was, and that came to the +same thing," he said, composedly. "And it ain't for me to say, but she +had an idea that I was very good-looking in them days. I had chestnutty +hair. She burnt a piece of it only the other day she'd kept for thirty +years." + +[Illustration: A very faint squeeze in return decided him] + +"Burnt it? What for?" inquired Mr. Sharp. + +"Words," said the other, lowering his voice. "When I want one thing +nowadays she generally wants another; and the things she wants ain't the +things I want." + +Mr. Sharp shook his head and sighed again. + +"You ain't talkative enough for Florrie, you know," said Mr. Culpepper, +regarding him. + +"I can talk all right as a rule," retorted Mr. Sharp. "You ought to hear +me at the debating society; but you can't talk to a girl who doesn't talk +back." + +"You're far too humble," continued the other. "You should cheek her a +bit now and then. Let 'er see you've got some spirit. Chaff 'er." + +"That's no good," said the young man, restlessly. "I've tried it. Only +the other day I called her 'a saucy little kipper,' and the way she went +on, anybody would have thought I'd insulted her. Can't see a joke, I +s'pose. Where is she now?" + +"Upstairs," was the reply. + +"That's because I'm here," said Mr. Sharp. "If it had been Jack Butler +she'd have been down fast enough." + +"It couldn't be him," said Mr. Culpepper, "because I won't have 'im in +the house. I've told him so; I've told her so, and I've told 'er aunt +so. And if she marries without my leave afore she's thirty she loses the +seven hundred pounds 'er father left her. You've got plenty of time--ten +years." + +Mr. Sharp, sitting with his hands between his knees, gazed despondently +at the floor. "There's a lot o' girls would jump at me," he remarked. +"I've only got to hold up my little finger and they'd jump." + +"That's because they've got sense," said Mr. Culpepper. "They've got the +sense to prefer steadiness and humdrumness to good looks and dash. A +young fellow like you earning thirty-two-and-six a week can do without +good looks, and if I've told Florrie so once I have told her fifty +times." + +"Looks are a matter of taste," said Mr. Sharp, morosely. "Some of them +girls I was speaking about just now--" + +"Yes, yes," said Mr. Culpepper, hastily. "Now, look here; you go on a +different tack. Take a glass of ale like a man or a couple o' glasses; +smoke a cigarette or a pipe. Be like other young men. Cut a dash, and +don't be a namby-pamby. After you're married you can be as miserable as +you like." + +Mr. Sharp, after a somewhat lengthy interval, thanked him. + +"It's my birthday next Wednesday," continued Mr. Culpepper, regarding him +benevolently; "come round about seven, and I'll ask you to stay to +supper. That'll give you a chance. Anybody's allowed to step a bit over +the mark on birthdays, and you might take a glass or two and make a +speech, and be so happy and bright that they'd 'ardly know you. If you +want an excuse for calling, you could bring me a box of cigars for my +birthday." + +"Or come in to wish you 'Many Happy Returns of the Day,'" said the +thrifty Mr. Sharp. + +"And don't forget to get above yourself," said Mr. Culpepper, regarding +him sternly; "in a gentlemanly way, of course. Have as many glasses as +you like--there's no stint about me." + +"If it ever comes off," said Mr. Sharp, rising--"if I get her through +you, you shan't have reason to repent it. I'll look after that." + +Mr. Culpepper, whose feelings were a trifle ruffled, said that he would +"look after it too." He had a faint idea that, even from his own point +of view, he might have made a better selection for his niece's hand. + +Mr. Sharp smoked his first cigarette the following morning, and, +encouraged by the entire absence of any after-effects, purchased a pipe, +which was taken up by a policeman the same evening for obstructing the +public footpath in company with a metal tobacco-box three parts full. + +In the matter of ale he found less difficulty. Certainly the taste was +unpleasant, but, treated as medicine and gulped down quickly, it was +endurable. After a day or two he even began to be critical, and on +Monday evening went so far as to complain of its flatness to the wide- +eyed landlord of the "Royal George." + +"Too much cellar-work," he said, as he finished his glass and made for +the door. + +"Too much! 'Ere, come 'ere," said the landlord, thickly. "I want to +speak to you." + +The expert shook his head, and, passing out into, the street, changed +colour as he saw Miss Garland approaching. In a blundering fashion he +clutched at his hat and stammered out a "Good evening." + +Miss Garland returned the greeting and, instead of passing on, stopped +and, with a friendly smile, held out her hand. Mr. Sharp shook it +convulsively. + +"You are just the man I want to see," she exclaimed. "Aunt and I have +been talking about you all the afternoon." + +Mr. Sharp said "Really!" + +"But I don't want uncle to see us," pursued Miss Garland, in the low +tones of confidence. "Which way shall we go?" + +Mr. Sharp's brain reeled. All ways were alike to him in such company. +He walked beside her like a man in a dream. + +"We want to give him a lesson," said the girl, presently. "A lesson that +he will remember." + +"Him?" said the young man. + +"Uncle," explained the girl. "It's a shocking thing, a wicked thing, to +try and upset a steady young man like you. Aunt is quite put out about +it, and I feel the same as she does." + +"But," gasped the astonished Mr. Sharp, "how did you?" + +"Aunt heard him," said Miss Garland. "She was just going into the room +when she caught a word or two, and she stayed outside and listened. You +don't know what a lot she thinks of you." + +Mr. Sharp's eyes opened wider than ever. "I thought she didn't like me," +he said, slowly. + +"Good gracious!" said Miss Garland. "Whatever could have put such an +idea as that into your head? Of course, aunt isn't always going to let +uncle see that she agrees with him. Still, as if anybody could help--" +she murmured to herself. + +"Eh?" said the young man, in a trembling voice. + +"Nothing." + +Miss Garland walked along with averted face; Mr. Sharp, his pulses +bounding, trod on air beside her. + +"I thought," he said, at last "I thought that Jack Butler was a favourite +of hers?" + +"Jack Butler!" said the girl, in tones of scornful surprise. "The idea! +How blind men are; you're all alike, I think. You can't see two inches +in front of you. She's as pleased as possible that you are coming on +Wednesday; and so am--" + +Mr. Sharp caught his breath. "Yes?" he murmured. + +"Let's go down here," said Miss Garland quickly; "down by the river. And +I'll tell you what we want you to do." + +She placed her hand lightly on his arm, and Mr. Sharp, with a tremulous +smile, obeyed. The smile faded gradually as he listened, and an +expression of anxious astonishment took its place. He shook his head as +she proceeded, and twice ventured a faint suggestion that she was only +speaking in jest. Convinced at last, against his will, he walked on in +silent consternation. + +"But," he said at last, as Miss Garland paused for breath, "your uncle +would never forgive me. He'd never let me come near the house again." + +"Aunt will see to that," said the girl, confidently. "But, of course, if +you don't wish to please me--" + +She turned away, and Mr. Sharp, plucking up spirit, ventured to take her +hand and squeeze it. A faint, a very faint, squeeze in return decided +him. + +"It will come all right afterwards," said Miss Garland, "especially with +the hold it will give aunt over him." + +"I hope so," said the young man. "If not, I shall be far--farther off +than ever." + +Miss Garland blushed and, turning her head, gazed steadily at the river. + +"Trust me," she said at last. "Me and auntie." + +Mr. Sharp said that so long as he pleased her nothing else mattered, and, +in the seventh heaven of delight, paced slowly along the towpath by her +side. + +"And you mustn't mind what auntie and I say to you," said the girl, +continuing her instructions. "We must keep up appearances, you know; and +if we seem to be angry, you must remember we are only pretending." + +Mr. Sharp, with a tender smile, said that he understood perfectly. + +"And now I had better go," said Florrie, returning the smile. "Uncle +might see us together, or somebody else might see us and tell him. +Good-bye." + +She shook hands and went off, stopping three times to turn and wave her +hand. In a state of bewildered delight Mr. Sharp continued his stroll, +rehearsing, as he went, the somewhat complicated and voluminous +instructions she had given him. + +By Wednesday evening he was part-perfect, and, in a state of mind divided +between nervousness and exaltation, set out for Mr. Culpepper's. He +found that gentleman, dressed in his best, sitting in an easy-chair with +his hands folded over a fancy waistcoat of startling design, and, placing +a small box of small cigars on his knees, wished him the usual "Happy +Returns." The entrance of the ladies, who seemed as though they had just +come off the ice, interrupted Mr. Culpepper's thanks. + +"Getting spoiled, that's what I am," he remarked, playfully. "See this +waistcoat? My old Aunt Elizabeth sent it this morning." + +He leaned back in his chair and glanced down in warm approval. "The +missis gave me a pipe, and Florrie gave me half a pound of tobacco. And +I bought a bottle of port wine myself, for all of us." + +He pointed to a bottle that stood on the supper-table, and, the ladies +retiring to the kitchen to bring in the supper, rose and placed chairs. +A piece of roast beef was placed before him, and, motioning Mr. Sharp to +a seat opposite Florrie, he began to carve. + +"Just a nice comfortable party," he said, genially, as he finished. +"Help yourself to the ale, Bert." + +Mr. Sharp, ignoring the surprise on the faces of the ladies, complied, +and passed the bottle to Mr. Culpepper. They drank to each other, and +again a flicker of surprise appeared on the faces of Mrs. Culpepper and +her niece. Mr. Culpepper, noticing it, shook his head waggishly at Mr. +Sharp. + +"He drinks it as if he likes it," he remarked. + +"I do," asserted Mr. Sharp, and, raising his glass, emptied it, and +resumed the attack on his plate. Mr. Culpepper unscrewed the top of +another bottle, and the reckless Mr. Sharp, after helping himself, made a +short and feeling speech, in which he wished Mr. Culpepper long life and +happiness. "If you ain't happy with Mrs. Culpepper," he concluded, +gallantly, "you ought to be." + +Mr. Culpepper nodded and went on eating in silence until, the keen edge +of his appetite having been taken off, he put down his knife and fork and +waxed sentimental. + +"Been married over thirty years," he said, slowly, with a glance at his +wife, "and never regretted it." + +"Who hasn't?" inquired Mr. Sharp. + +"Why, me," returned the surprised Mr. Culpepper. + +Mr. Sharp, who had just raised his glass, put it down again and smiled. +It was a faint smile, but it seemed to affect his host unfavourably. + +"What are you smiling at?" he demanded. + +"Thoughts," said Mr. Sharp, exchanging a covert glance with Florrie. +"Something you told me the other day." + +Mr. Culpepper looked bewildered. "I'll give you a penny for them +thoughts," he said, with an air of jocosity. + +Mr. Sharp shook his head. "Money couldn't buy 'em," he said, with owlish +solemnity, "espec--especially after the good supper you're giving me." + +"Bert," said Mr. Culpepper, uneasily, as his wife sat somewhat erect +"Bert, it's my birthday, and I don't grudge nothing to nobody; but go +easy with the beer. You ain't used to it, you know." + +"What's the matter with the beer?" inquired Mr. Sharp. "It tastes all +right--what there is of it." + +"It ain't the beer; it's you," explained Mr. Culpepper. + +Mr. Sharp stared at him. "Have I said anything I oughtn't to?" he +inquired. + +Mr. Culpepper shook his head, and, taking up a fork and spoon, began to +serve a plum-pudding that Miss Garland had just placed on the table. + +"What was it you said I was to be sure and not tell Mrs. Culpepper?" +inquired Mr. Sharp, dreamily. "I haven't said that, have I?" + +"No!" snapped the harassed Mr. Culpepper, laying down the fork and spoon +and regarding him ferociously. "I mean, there wasn't anything. I mean, +I didn't say so. You're raving." + +"If I did say it, I'm sorry," persisted Mr. Sharp. "I can't say fairer +than that, can I?" + +"You're all right," said Mr. Culpepper, trying, but in vain, to exchange +a waggish glance with his wife. + +"I didn't say it?" inquired Mr. Sharp. + +"No," said Mr. Culpepper, still smiling in a wooden fashion. + +"I mean the other thing?" said Mr. Sharp, in a thrilling whisper. + +"Look here," exclaimed the overwrought Mr. Culpepper; "why not eat your +pudding, and leave off talking nonsense? Nobody's listening to you." + +"Speak for yourself," said his wife, tartly. "I like to hear Mr. Sharp +talk. What was it he told you not to tell me?" + +Mr. Sharp eyed her mistily. "I--I can't tell you," he said, slowly. + +"Why not?" asked Mrs. Culpepper, coaxingly. + +"Because it--it would make your hair stand on end," said the industrious +Mr. Sharp. + +"Nonsense," said Mrs. Culpepper, sharply. + +"He said it would," said Mr. Sharp, indicating his host with his spoon, +"and he ought--to know-- Who's that kicking me under the table?" + +Mr. Culpepper, shivering with wrath and dread, struggled for speech. +"You'd better get home, Bert," he said at last. "You're not yourself. +There's nobody kicking you under the table. You don't know what you are +saying. You've been dreaming things. I never said anything of the +kind." + +"Memory's gone," said Mr. Sharp, shaking his head at him. "Clean gone. +Don't you remember--" + +"NO!" roared Mr. Culpepper. + +Mr. Sharp sat blinking at him, but his misgivings vanished before the +glances of admiring devotion which Miss Garland was sending in his +direction. He construed them rightly not only as a reward, but as an +incentive to further efforts. In the midst of an impressive silence Mrs. +Culpepper collected the plates and, producing a dish of fruit from the +sideboard, placed it upon the table. + +"Help yourself, Mr. Sharp," she said, pushing the bottle of port towards +him. + +Mr. Sharp complied, having first, after several refusals, put a little +into the ladies' glasses, and a lot on the tablecloth near Mr. Culpepper. +Then, after a satisfying sip or two, he rose with a bland smile and +announced his intention of making a speech. + +"But you've made one," said his host, in tones of fierce expostulation. + +"That--that was las' night," said Mr. Sharp. "This is to-night--your +birthday." + +"Well, we don't want any more," said Mr. Culpepper. + +Mr. Sharp hesitated. "It's only his fun," he said, looking round and +raising his glass. "He's afraid I'm going to praise him up--praise him +up. Here's to my old friend, Mr. Culpepper: one of the best. We all +have our--faults, and he has his--has his. Where was I?" + +"Sit down," growled Mr. Culpepper. + +"Talking about my husband's faults," said his wife. + +"So I was," said Mr. Sharp, putting his hand to his brow. "Don't be +alarm'," he continued, turning to his host; "nothing to be alarm' about. +I'm not going to talk about 'em. Not so silly as that, I hope. I don't +want spoil your life." + +"Sit down," repeated Mr. Culpepper. + +"You're very anxious he should sit down," said his wife, sharply. + +"No, I'm not," said Mr. Culpepper; "only he's talking nonsense." + +Mr. Sharp, still on his legs, took another sip of port and, avoiding the +eye of Mr. Culpepper, which was showing signs of incipient inflammation, +looked for encouragement to Miss Garland. + +"He's a man we all look up to and respect," he continued. "If he does go +off to London every now and then on business, that's his lookout. My +idea is he always ought to take Mrs. Culpepper with him. + +"He'd have pleasure of her company and, same time, he'd be money in pocket +by it. And why shouldn't she go to music-halls sometimes? Why shouldn't +she--" + +"You get off home," said the purple Mr. Culpepper, rising and hammering +the table with his fist. "Get off home; and if you so much as show your +face inside this 'ouse again there'll be trouble. Go on. Out you go!" + +"Home?" repeated Mr. Sharp, sitting down suddenly. "Won't go home till +morning." + +"Oh, we'll soon see about that," said Mr. Culpepper, taking him by the +shoulders. "Come on, now." + +Mr. Sharp subsided lumpishly into his chair, and Mr. Culpepper, despite +his utmost efforts, failed to move him. The two ladies exchanged a +glance, and then, with their heads in the air, sailed out of the room, +the younger pausing at the door to bestow a mirthful glance upon Mr. +Sharp ere she disappeared. + +"Come--out," said Mr. Culpepper, panting. + +"You trying to tickle me?" inquired Mr. Sharp. + +"You get off home," said the other. "You've been doing nothing but make +mischief ever since you came in. What put such things into your silly +head I don't know. I shall never hear the end of 'em as long as I live." + +"Silly head?" repeated Mr. Sharp, with an alarming change of manner. +"Say it again." + +Mr. Culpepper repeated it with gusto. + +"Very good," said Mr. Sharp. He seized him suddenly and, pushing him +backwards into his easychair, stood over him with such hideous +contortions of visage that Mr. Culpepper was horrified. "Now you sit +there and keep quite still," he said, with smouldering ferocity. "Where +did you put carving-knife? Eh? Where's carving-knife?" + +"No, no, Bert," said Mr. Culpepper, clutching at his sleeve. "I--I was +only joking. You--you ain't quite yourself, Bert." + +"What?" demanded the other, rolling his eyes, and clenching his fists. + +"I--I mean you've improved," said Mr. Culpepper, hurriedly. "Wonderful, +you have." + +Mr. Sharp's countenance cleared a little. "Let's make a night of it," he +said. "Don't move, whatever you do." + +[Illustration: He felt the large and clumsy hand of Mr. Butler take him +by the collar] + +He closed the door and, putting the wine and a couple of glasses on the +mantelpiece, took a chair by Mr. Culpepper and prepared to spend the +evening. His instructions were too specific to be disregarded, and three +times he placed his arm about the waist of the frenzied Mr. Culpepper and +took him for a lumbering dance up and down the room. In the intervals +between dances he regaled him with interminable extracts from speeches +made at the debating society and recitations learned at school. +Suggestions relating to bed, thrown out by Mr. Culpepper from time to +time, were repelled with scorn. And twice, in deference to Mr. Sharp's +desires, he had to join in the chorus of a song. + +Ten o'clock passed, and the hands of the clock crawled round to eleven. +The hour struck, and, as though in answer, the door opened and the +agreeable face of Florrie Garland appeared. Behind her, to the intense +surprise of both gentlemen, loomed the stalwart figure of Mr. Jack +Butler. + +"I thought he might be useful, uncle," said Miss Garland, coming into the +room. "Auntie wouldn't let me come down before." + +Mr. Sharp rose in a dazed fashion and saw Mr. Culpepper grasp Mr. Butler +by the hand. More dazed still, he felt the large and clumsy hand of Mr. +Butler take him by the collar and propel him with some violence along the +small passage, while another hand, which he dimly recognized as belonging +to Mr. Culpepper, was inserted in the small of his back. Then the front +door opened and he was thrust out into the night. The door closed, and a +low feminine laugh sounded from a window above. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Dual Control, by W.W. 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