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authorRoger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org>2025-10-15 04:34:35 -0700
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+ <title>
+ The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and
+ Instruction, Vol. 12, Issue 326, August 9, 1828, by Various
+ </title>
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+<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10475 ***</div>
+ <h1>
+ The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and
+ Instruction, Vol. 12, Issue 326, August 9, 1828, by Various
+ </h1>
+ AMUSEMENT, AND INSTRUCTION, VOL. 12, ISSUE 326, AUGUST 9, 1828***
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <br />
+ </p>
+ <h3>
+ E-text prepared by Jonathan Ingram, Charles Bidwell,<br /> and the Prooject
+ Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ <br />
+ </p>
+ <hr class="full" />
+ <p>
+ <span class="pagenum"><a id="page81" name="page81"></a>[pg 97]</span>
+ </p>
+ <h1>
+ THE MIRROR<br /> OF<br /> LITERATURE, AMUSEMENT, AND INSTRUCTION.
+ </h1>
+ <hr class="full" />
+ <table width="100%">
+ <tr>
+ <td align="left">
+ <b>Vol. 12. No. 326.</b>
+ </td>
+ <td align="center">
+ <b>SATURDAY, AUGUST 9, 1828.</b>
+ </td>
+ <td align="right">
+ <b>[PRICE 2d.</b>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ </table>
+ <hr class="full" />
+ <h2>
+ REGENT BRIDGE, EDINBURGH.
+ </h2>
+ <div class="figure" style="width:75%;">
+ <a href="images/326-1.png"><img width="75%" src="images/326-1.png" alt="" /></a>
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ Edinburgh, "the Queen of the North," abounds in splendid specimens of
+ classical architecture. Since the year 1769, when the building of the New
+ Town commenced, its improvement has been prosecuted with extraordinary
+ zeal; consequently, the city has not only been extended on all sides, but
+ has received the addition of some magnificent public edifices, while the
+ access to it from every quarter has been greatly facilitated and
+ embellished. Of the last-mentioned improvement our engraving is a mere
+ vignette, but it deserves to rank among the most superb of those
+ additions.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The inconvenience of the access to Edinburgh by the great London road was
+ long a subject of general regret. In entering the city from this quarter,
+ the road lay through narrow and inconvenient streets, forming an approach
+ no way suited to the general elegance of the place. In 1814, however, a
+ magnificent entrance was commenced across the Calton Hill, between which
+ and Prince's street a deep ravine intervened, which was formerly occupied
+ with old and ill-built streets. In order to connect the hill with
+ Prince's-street, all these have been swept away, and an elegant arch,
+ called <i>Regent Bridge</i>, has been thrown over the hollow, which makes
+ the descent from the hill into this street easy and agreeable. Thus, in
+ place of being carried, as formerly, through long and narrow streets, the
+ great road from <span class="pagenum"><a id="page82" name="page82"></a>[pg
+ 82]</span>the east into Edinburgh sweeps along the side of the steep and
+ singular elevation of the Calton Hill; whence the traveller has first a
+ view of the Old Town, with its elevated buildings crowning the summit of
+ the adjacent ridges, and rising upon the eye in imposing masses; and,
+ afterwards, of the New Town finely contrasted with the Old, in the
+ regularity and elegance of its general outline.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <i>Regent Bridge</i> was begun in 1816, and finished in 1819. The arch is
+ semicircular, and fifty feet wide. At the north front it is forty-five
+ feet in height, and at the south front sixty-four feet two inches, the
+ difference being occasioned by the ground declining to the south. The
+ roadway is formed by a number of reverse arches on each side. The great
+ arch is ornamented on the south and north by two open arches, supported by
+ elegant columns of the Corinthian order. The whole property purchased to
+ open the communication to the city by this bridge cost 52,000l, and the
+ building areas sold for the immense sum of 35,000l. The street along the
+ bridge is called Waterloo-place, as it was founded in the year on which
+ that memorable battle was fought.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The engraving<a id="footnotetag1" name="footnotetag1"></a><a
+ href="#footnote1"><sup>1</sup></a> is an interesting picture of classic
+ beauty; and as the "approaches" and proposed "dry arches" to the New
+ London Bridge are now becoming matters of speculative interest, we hope
+ this entrance to our metropolis will ultimately present a similar display
+ of architectural elegance. LONDON, with all her opulence, ought not to
+ yield in comparison with any city in the world; and it is high time that
+ the march of taste be quickened in this quarter.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ ON THE DEATH OF CARL MARIA VON WEBER.
+ </h3>
+ <div class="poem">
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ Weep, for the word is spoken&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ Mourn, for the knell hath knoll'd&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The master chord is broken,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ And the master's hand is cold!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Romance hath lost her minstrel,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ No more his magic strain
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Shall throw a sweeter spell around,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ The legends of Almaine.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ His fame had flown before him
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ To many a foreign land,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ His lays are sung by every tongue,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ And harp'd by every hand!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ He came to cull fresh laurels,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ But fate was in their breath,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And turn'd his march of triumph
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ Into a dirge of death.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ O! all who knew him lov'd him,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ For with his mighty mind,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ He bore himself so meekly,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ His heart it was so kind!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ His wildly warbling melodies,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ The storms that round them roll,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Are types of the simplicity
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ And grandeur of his soul.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ Though years of ceaseless suffering
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ Had worn him to a shade,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ So patient was his spirit,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ No wayward plaint he made.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ E'en death itself seem'd loath to scare
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ His victim pure and mild;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And stole upon him quietly
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ As slumber o'er a child.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ Weep, for the word is spoken&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ Mourn, for the knell hath knoll'd&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The master chord is broken,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ And the master's hand is cold!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The master chord is broken,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ And the master's hand is cold!
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ PLANCHE.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ YOUNG NAPOLEON.
+ </h3>
+ <h4>
+ <i>(For the Mirror.)</i>
+ </h4>
+ <p>
+ It is impossible at this time of day, to foretell how the future destinies
+ of Europe may be influenced by the subject of these lines. To use the
+ words of the talented author of the <i>Improvisatrice</i>, "Poetry needs
+ no preface." However in this instance, a few remarks may not be
+ uninteresting. Until I met with the following stanzas, I was not aware
+ that Napoleon had been a votary of the muses. He has certainly climbed the
+ Parnassian mount with considerable success, whether we take the interest
+ of the subject, or the correctness of the versification into
+ consideration. Memorials like these of such a man, are, in the highest
+ degree, interesting; they serve to display the <i>man</i>, divested of the
+ "pomp and circumstance" of royalty. That Napoleon had many faults cannot
+ be disputed, but it is equally clear that he possessed many virtues the
+ world never gave him credit for:&mdash;<i>"Posterity will do me justice."</i>
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I subjoin two translations of the beautiful lines written by Napoleon at
+ St. Helena, on the portrait of his son. The love he bore to his son was
+ carried to enthusiasm. According to those persons who had access to his
+ society at St. Helena, his young heir was the continual object of his
+ solicitude during the period of seven years, "<i>For him alone,</i>" he
+ said, "<i>I returned from the Island of Elba, and if I still form some
+ expectations on earth, they are also for him.</i>" He has declared to
+ several of his suite, that he every day suffered the greatest anxiety on
+ his account. Since I met with these lines however, I have found that
+ Napoleon had in his youth composed a poem on Corsica, some extracts of
+ which are to be found in "Les Annales de l'Europe" a German collection. He
+ was exceedingly anxious in after life to destroy the copies of this poem
+ which had been circulated, and <span class="pagenum"><a id="page83"
+ name="page83"></a>[pg 83]</span> bought and procured them by every means
+ in his power for the purpose of destroying them; it is probable not a
+ single copy is in existence at the present period. It has been remarked,
+ that, "it requires nothing short of the solitude of exile, and the
+ idolatry which he manifested for his son, to inspire him once more. In
+ neither of the original poems is it indicated which he preferred."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ VYVYAN.
+ </p>
+ <h3>
+ TO THE PORTRAIT OF MY SON.
+ </h3>
+ <div class="poem">
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ Delightful image of my much loved boy!
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ Behold his eyes, his looks, his cherub smile!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ No more, alas! will he enkindle joy,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ Nor on some kindlier shore my woes beguile.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ My son! my darling son! wert thou but here,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ My bosom should receive thy lovely form:
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Thou'dst soothe my gloomy hours with converse dear:
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ Serenely mild behold the lowering storm.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ I'd be the partner of thy infant cares,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ And pour instruction o'er thy expanding mind;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Whilst in thy heart, in my declining years,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ My wearied soul should an asylum find.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ My wrongs&mdash;my cares&mdash;should be forgot with thee,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ My power&mdash;imperial dignities&mdash;renown&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ This rock itself would be a heaven to me;
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ Thine arms more cherished than the victor's crown.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ O! in thine arms, my son! I could forget that fame
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ Shall give me, through all time, a never dying name.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ (Signed.) NAPOLEON.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Another version is subjoined of lines, "To the Portrait of My Son."
+ </p>
+ <div class="poem">
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ O! Cherished image of my infant heir!
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ Thy surface does his lineaments impart:&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But ah! thou liv'st not. On this rock so bare
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ His living form shall never glad my heart.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ My second-self! how would'st thy presence cheer
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ The settled sadness of thy hapless sire!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Thine infancy with tenderness I'd rear,
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ And thou should'st warm my age with youthful fire.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ In thee, a truly glorious crown I'd find;
+ </p>
+ <p class="i2">
+ With thee, upon this rock a heaven should own:
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Thy kiss would chase past conquests from my mind,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Which raised me demi-god on Gallia's throne.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ (Signed.) NAPOLEON.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ THE COLOUR&mdash;BLUE.
+ </h3>
+ <h4>
+ <i>(To the Editor of the Mirror.)</i>
+ </h4>
+ <p>
+ Observing in Number 323 of the MIRROR, an article respecting <i>blue</i>,
+ as the appointed colour for the clothes of certain descriptions of
+ persons, it may, perhaps, not be wholly irrelevant to observe that
+ Bentley, in his "Dissertation on Phalaris," page 258, mentions blue as the
+ costume of his guards, and quotes Cicero's "Tusculan Questions," lib. 5,
+ for his authority. I cannot at present turn to the passage in Cicero, but
+ Bentley's quotation may surely be accepted as evidence of the existence of
+ the passage.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <i>Twickenham.</i> H. H.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ EXTRAORDINARY CRIMINALS.
+ </h3>
+ <h4>
+ <i>(For the Mirror.)</i>
+ </h4>
+ <p>
+ On the trial of <i>Henry Marshall</i>, Dec. 4, 1723, for murder and
+ deer-stealing, a very remarkable circumstance took place. Sentence of
+ death had no sooner been pronounced on this offender, than he was
+ immediately deprived of the use of his tongue; nor did he recover his
+ speech till a few hours preceding his execution.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ G. W. N.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <p>
+ <i>July, 1736</i>&mdash;Reynolds, condemned upon the Black Act, for going
+ armed in disguise, in pulling down Lothbury turn-pike, with one Baylis,
+ (reprieved, and transported for 14 years,) was carried to Tyburn, where,
+ having prayed and sung psalms, he was turned off, and being thought dead,
+ was cut down by the hangman as usual, who had procured a hole to be dug at
+ some distance from the gallows, to bury him in; but just as they had put
+ him into his coffin, and were about to fasten him up, he thrust back the
+ lid, and to the astonishment of the spectators, placed his hands on the
+ sides of the coffin in order to raise himself up. Some of the people, in
+ their first surprise, were for knocking him on the head; but the
+ executioner insisted upon hanging him up again; when the mob, thinking
+ otherwise, cried, "Save his life," and fell upon the poor executioner,
+ (who stickled hard for fulfilling the law,) and beat him in a miserable
+ manner; they then carried the prisoner to a public-house at Bayswater,
+ where he was put to bed; he vomited about three pints of blood, and it was
+ thought he would recover; but he died soon after. The sheriffs' officers,
+ believing the prisoner dead, had retired from the place of execution
+ before he was cut down.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <i>Sept. 3, 1736.</i>&mdash;Venham and Harding, two malefactors, were
+ executed this day at Bristol. After they were cut down, Venham was
+ perceived to have life in him, when put in the coffin; and some lightermen
+ and others, having carried him to a house, a surgeon, whom they sent for,
+ immediately opened a vein, which so far recovered his senses, that he had
+ the use of speech, sat upright, rubbed his knees, shook hands with divers
+ persons he knew, <span class="pagenum"><a id="page84" name="page84"></a>[pg
+ 84]</span> and to all appearance a perfect recovery was expected. But
+ notwithstanding this, he died about eleven o'clock in great agony, his
+ bowels being very much convulsed, as appeared by his rolling from one side
+ to the other.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It is remarkable also, that Harding came to life again, and was carried to
+ Bridewell, and the next day to Newgate, where several people visited him
+ and gave him money, who were very inquisitive whether he remembered the
+ manner of his execution; to which he replied, he could only remember his
+ having been at the gallows, and knew nothing of Venham being with him.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ G. K.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ LOVE AND JOY.
+ </h3>
+ <h4>
+ AN ALLEGORY.
+ </h4>
+ <p>
+ In the happy period of the golden age when all the celestial inhabitants
+ descended upon the earth and conversed familiarly with mortals, among the
+ most cherished of the heavenly powers were twins, the offspring of
+ Jupiter, Love, and Joy. Wherever they appeared, flowers sprung up beneath
+ their feet, the sun shone with a brighter radiance, and all nature seemed
+ embellished by their presence; they were inseparable companions, and their
+ growing attachment was favoured by Jupiter, who had decreed that a lasting
+ union should be solemnized between them as soon as they arrived at mature
+ years. But in the meantime, the sons of men deviated from their native
+ innocence; vice and ruin over-ran the earth with giant strides; and Astrea
+ with her train of celestial visitants, forsook their polluted abode; Love
+ alone remained, having been stolen away by Hope, who was his nurse, and
+ conveyed by her to the forest of Arcadia, where he was brought up amongst
+ the shepherds. But Jupiter assigned him a different partner, and commanded
+ him to espouse Sorrow, the daughter of At&eacute;. He complied with
+ reluctance, for her features were harsh, her eyes sunken, her forehead
+ contracted into perpetual wrinkles, and her temples encircled with a
+ wreath of cypress and wormwood. From this union sprung a virgin, in whom
+ might be traced a strong resemblance to both her parents; but the sullen
+ and unamiable features of her mother were so blended with the sweetness of
+ the father, that her countenance, though mournful, was highly pleasing.
+ The maids and shepherds gathered round and called her Pity. A red-breast
+ was observed to build in the cabin where she was born; and while she was
+ yet an infant, a dove, pursued by a hawk, flew for refuge into her bosom.
+ She had a dejected appearance, but so soft and gentle a mien, that she was
+ beloved to enthusiasm. Her voice was low and plaintive, but inexpressibly
+ sweet; and she loved to lie for hours on the banks of some wild and
+ melancholy stream singing to her lute. She taught men to weep, for she
+ took a strange delight in tears; and often when the virgins of the hamlet
+ were assembled at their evening sports, she would steal in among them and
+ captivate their hearts by her tales of charming sadness. She wore on her
+ head a garland, composed of her father's myrtles twisted with her mother's
+ cypress. One day as she sat musing by the waters of Helicon, her tears by
+ chance fell into the spring; and ever since, the muses' spring has tasted
+ of the infusion. Pity was commanded by Jupiter to follow the steps of her
+ mother through the world, dropping balm into the wounds she made, and
+ binding up the hearts she had broken. She follows with her hair loose, her
+ bosom bare and throbbing, her garments torn by the briars, and her feet
+ bleeding with the roughness of the path. The nymph is mortal, for so is
+ her mother; and when she has finished her destined course upon earth, they
+ shall both expire together, and Love be again united to Joy, his immortal
+ and long-betrothed bride.
+ </p>
+ <hr class="full" />
+ <h2>
+ THE CONTEMPORARY TRAVELLER.
+ </h2>
+ <h3>
+ ACCOUNT OF THE VOLCANIC FORMATIONS NEAR THE RHINE.
+ </h3>
+ <h4>
+ <i>(From a Correspondent.)</i>
+ </h4>
+ <p>
+ There is a volcanic country on the left bank between Remagen and
+ Andernach, highly interesting to the naturalist, but I believe not visited
+ by the generality of travellers. The late accounts, however, of the
+ formations of a similar kind in Auvergne and Clermont, in the centre of
+ France, and the speculations to which these phenomena have given rise,
+ determined me to explore this district whilst I was in the neighbourhood.
+ Bidding adieu, therefore, to the green little island of Nonnenworth, I
+ made the journey to Brohl, a convenient day's walk of sixteen miles,
+ passing through Oberwinter, Remagen, and Breysig, and the other white and
+ slated villages that enliven the river. It is here the valley of the Rhine
+ narrows, and the succession of ridges and dales which the road skirts, are
+ sometimes entirely barren, at others thickly covered with vines and
+ fruit-trees. Though the former plant is pleasing in the tints of its leaf,
+ and in the idea of cultivation and plenty that its thick plantations
+ present, yet there is a stiffness in the regularity <span class="pagenum"><a
+ id="page85" name="page85"></a>[pg 85]</span> in which it grows, propped up
+ by sticks; and it is so short, that one's fancy as to its luxuriance,
+ (especially if formed from such poetry as <i>Childe Harold</i>,) is
+ certainly disappointed. I made a digression from the road up the little
+ river Aar, which falls into the Rhine near Sinzig. A more striking picture
+ you cannot imagine. The stream is remarkably clear and rapid, the bottom
+ rocky, and its banks, for a considerable distance, are literally
+ perpendicular rocks. The Aar is a perfect specimen of the mountain
+ torrent; it rises in the Eiffel mountains; and, I am told, in the winter
+ does much mischief by inundations. It put me in mind of the Welsh
+ rivulets, particularly some parts of the Dee. This <i>d&eacute;tour</i>
+ having taken up more time than I expected, I reached Brohl, late, but in
+ time for the supper at the rustic Gasthoff, which, with a flask of Rhenish
+ wine, and the company of an agreeable German tourist who was staying
+ there, made ample amends for the fatigues of the day.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ In setting out from Brohl by the stream of the same name, which runs down
+ from the Lake of Laach, where I was struck with the pieces of
+ pumice-stone, and the charred remains of herbs and stalks of trees
+ scattered over the marshes. I soon came to the valley, the sides of which
+ are composed of what is called, in the language of geology, <i>tufa</i>,
+ and in that of the country, <i>dukstein</i>, or <i>trass</i>. It is a
+ stone, or a hard clay, of a dull blueish colour, and when dry, it assumes
+ a shade of light gray. An immense quantity is quarried throughout the
+ valley, and is sent down the Rhine to Holland, where it is in great
+ request for building. The village of Nippes owes its origin to the trade
+ in trass, having been founded by a Dutchman, who settled there about a
+ century ago for the convenience of exportation. The lower part of the mass
+ is the hardest and most compact, and is therefore preferred by the
+ quarrymen; as it rises, the upper part becomes loose and sandy, and unfit
+ for use. You must not suppose the stream to be clear like the Aar, for it
+ is as thick as pea-soup, and about the same colour, being in fact a river
+ of trass in solution. The banks, however, are picturesque and well wooded,
+ particularly at Schweppenbourg, an old castle of peculiar architecture,
+ built on an elevated rock, and formerly belonging to the family of
+ Metternich, (God save the mark!) The tower is surrounded with caverns and
+ halls, hollowed out of the trass stone, and profusely ornamented with fine
+ oaks, pines, and spreading beech trees. You may almost fancy yourself on
+ magic ground, and looking on a fairy castle, so peculiar is the effect. I
+ next reached Burgbrohl and Wassenach, passing several of the trass mills,
+ for the stone is in many places hard enough for mill-stones, and there is
+ a considerable trade in them to Holland, and thence to England and other
+ countries. Half an hour next brought me to the summit of the Feitsberg,
+ one of the hills forming the circumference of the lake; here I enjoyed a
+ magnificent prospect on the one side of the lake, well clothed with wood,
+ with the old six-towered abbey on its bank, and the heights of the Eiffel
+ chain enclosing it; on the other side, the view was so extensive as to
+ give me a glimpse of Ehrenbreitstein, and of the line of hills from thence
+ to the Siebengebrige. Though my object in climbing the Feitsberg was very
+ different, my surprise and delight in unexpectedly catching
+ Ehrenbreitstein at the distance of twenty-four miles even served to
+ withdraw my attention some time from geologizing, or from the scene close
+ under me. I recollect the same sensation on descrying Gravelines sometime
+ ago from the heights of Dover Castle, not believing the distance to be
+ within the powers of the telescope. True indeed is it that
+ </p>
+ <div class="poem">
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ "Tis distance lends enchantment to the view.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And robes the mountain in its azure hue."
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ I was now in a rude and barren country, presenting a strong contrast to
+ the soft scenery I had left, and consisting of an elevated mountain
+ plateau, or table land of slate of the Greywacke sort, the heights on the
+ eastern side of the Rhine being of the same level, and the channel of the
+ river appearing as a narrow valley, which the eye overlooks entirely. This
+ table land is studded with isolated hills of volcanic formation, and of a
+ conical form, some of them having central funnels or craters, from which
+ the ancient eruptions have issued. The most complete are the Hirschenberg,
+ near Burgbrohl, the Bousenberg, between that village and Olburg, the
+ Poter, Pellenberg, and the Camillenberg, which last rises about one
+ thousand feet above the level of the surrounding surface. There are many
+ others extending for some distance in the Eiffel chain and in the
+ vicinity, but those I have mentioned are sufficient to guide the footsteps
+ of the inquirer. The basin of the Lake of Laach is nearly circular and
+ crateriform; it is a mile and a half long, and about a mile and a quarter
+ in breadth. Its average depth is two hundred feet, but it is full of
+ holes, the measure of which is very uncertain. Its water is blueish, very
+ cold, and of a nasty brackish taste. It has been examined by several
+ geologists, British and foreign, among whom is the <span class="pagenum"><a
+ id="page86" name="page86"></a>[pg 86]</span> famous Humboldt, and there is
+ no doubt that this great reservoir is the crater of an extinct volcano.
+ The fragments and minerals thrown up on the banks are analogous to those
+ found in other volcanic countries; and on one side (that towards
+ Nieder-mennig) is a regular rock of continued lava, which is supposed to
+ have flowed from the crater during the last eruption. Mr. Scrope, whose
+ opinion is entitled to great weight, thinks it not improbable that this
+ may have been the eruption recorded by Tacitus, (13 lib. Annal.,) as
+ having ravaged the country of the Initones, near Cologne, in the reign of
+ Nero. I should not forget to mention that there is a cavern within the
+ basin of the lake, the air of which is so stifling and noxious, that
+ animals die if forced to remain in it, and lights are extinguished by the
+ gas&mdash;phenomena precisely similar to those of the well-known Grotto
+ del Cane, near Naples.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ While I am on the subject of volcanic phenomena, I may as well add a word
+ on the origin of the trass or tufa, which is so thickly spread over this
+ country. It is similar to that found near Naples, at Mont d'Or, Carbal,
+ and other parts of Italy; and, indeed, all the products of the latter
+ district are pretty nearly the same as these, allowing for the difference
+ of a slate surface in the one case, and a sandy and alluvial soil in the
+ other. The idea of the trass having any connexion with a deluge, is, I
+ believe, now exploded; and geologists have agreed that it is the actual
+ substance ejected by the volcano, subsided into a firm paste. The rain has
+ always been observed to fall heavily after eruptions, and the water
+ running down the sides of the hills, has formed this crust, which makes
+ the bottom and sides of the Laach. The same causes are in action now; and
+ if ever the lake should rise so high as to burst its banks, it would
+ overflow the whole country, and carry terrible destruction with it. Such
+ an event was actually foreseen by the sagacious monks who formerly
+ inhabited the abbey, for they cut a canal nearly a mile long, to give the
+ water vent; and the discharge by it continues to this day. The abbey is
+ now untenanted, and is in a deplorable state of ruin; it was once
+ celebrated for its hospitality and a fine gallery of pictures; all,
+ however, have vanished, and the ruins are now the property of M. Delius, a
+ magistrate of Treves. The situation is so beautiful, surrounded as it is
+ with fine timber, that one would suppose it worth his while to repair the
+ place, particularly as stone is so plentiful in the neighbourhood. It
+ forms, however, as it is, a picturesque addition to the interest of the
+ excursion to the lake, I returned by the mineral spring of Heilbrunn, well
+ satisfied with my inspection of the country. The distance from Brohl to
+ the abbey is little more than five miles, and it is one which I would
+ advise all tourists on the Rhine to make if they have time, whether they
+ be geologists or non-geologists. I fancied I had a clearer conception of.
+ Aetna and Vesuvius, and the living fires, from having witnessed the
+ funnels of the extinct ones. At all events, though little is known as to
+ the causes of volcanic phenomena, enough is ascertained to convince us
+ that subterranean fire exists under the whole of Europe, there not being
+ one country or district exempt from occasional earthquakes, or some such
+ signs of terror.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ D.
+ </p>
+ <hr class="full" />
+ <h2>
+ THE SKETCH-BOOK
+ </h2>
+ <h3>
+ GARDEN OF BREMHILL PARSONAGE.
+ </h3>
+ <h4>
+ <i>The Residence of the Rev. W. L. Bowles.</i>
+ </h4>
+ <p>
+ The garden contains upwards of two acres, with a gravel-walk under the
+ windows. A Gothic porch has been added, the bow-windows being surmounted
+ with the same kind of parapet as the house, somewhat more ornamental. It
+ lies to the morning sun; the road to the house, on the north, enters
+ through a large arch. The garden is on a slope, commanding views of the
+ surrounding country, with the tower of Calne in front, the woods of Bowood
+ on the right, and the mansion and woods of Walter Heneage, Esq. Towards
+ the south. The view to the south-east is terminated by the last chalky
+ cliffs of the Marlborough downs, extending to within a few miles of
+ Swindon. In the garden, a winding path from the gravel-walk, in front of
+ the house, leads to a small piece of water, originally a square pond.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ This walk, as it approaches the water, leads into a darker shade, and
+ descending some steps, placed to give a picturesque appearance to the
+ bank, you enter a kind of cave, with a dripping rill, which falls into the
+ water below, whose bank is broken by thorns, and hazels, and poplars,
+ among darker shrubs. Here an urn appears with the following inscription:&mdash;"M.S.
+ Henrici Bowles, qui ad Calpen, febre ibi exitiali grassante, public&egrave;
+ missus, ipse miserrim&egrave; periit&mdash;1804. Fratri posuit."&mdash;Passing
+ round the water, you come to an arched walk of hazels, which leads to the
+ green in front of the house, where, dipping a small slope, the path passes
+ near an old and ivied elm. As this seat looks on the magnificent line
+ <span class="pagenum"><a id="page87" name="page87"></a>[pg 87]</span>of
+ Bowood park and plantations, the obvious thought could not be well
+ avoided:
+ </p>
+ <div class="poem">
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ "When in thy sight another's vast domain
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Spreads its dark sweep of woods, dost thou complain?
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Nay! rather thank the God who placed thy state
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Above the lowly, but beneath the great;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And still his name with gratitude revere,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Who bless'd the sabbath of thy leisure here."
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ The walk leads round a plantation of shrubs, to the bottom of the lawn,
+ from whence is seen a fountain, between a laurel arch; and through a dark
+ passage a gray sun-dial appears among beds of flowers, opposite the
+ fountain.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The sun-dial, a small, antique, twisted column, gray with age, was
+ probably the dial of the abbot of Malmesbury, and counted his hours when
+ at the adjoining lodge; for it was taken from the garden of the
+ farm-house, which had originally been the summer retirement of this mitred
+ lord. It has the appearance of being <i>monastic</i>, but a more ornate
+ capital has been added, the plate on which bears the date of 1688. I must
+ again venture to give the appropriate inscription:&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <div class="poem">
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ "To count the brief and unreturning hours,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ This Sun-Dial was placed among the flowers,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Which came forth in their beauty&mdash;smiled and died,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Blooming and withering round its ancient side.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Mortal, thy day is passing&mdash;see that flower,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And think upon the Shadow and the Hour!"
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ The whole of the small green slope is here dotted with beds of flowers; a
+ step, into some rock-work, leads to a kind of hermit's oratory, with
+ crucifix and stained glass, built to receive the shattered fragments, as
+ their last asylum, of the pillars of Stanly Abbey.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The dripping water passes through the rock-work into a large shell, the
+ gift of a valued friend, the author of "The Pleasures of Memory;" and I
+ add, with less hesitation, the inscription, because it was furnished by
+ the author of "The Pains of Memory," a poem, in its kind, of the most
+ exquisite harmony and fancy, though the author has long left the bowers of
+ the muses, and the harp of music, for the severe professional duties of
+ the bar. I have some pride in mentioning the name of Peregrine Bingham,
+ being a near relation, as well as rising in character and fame at the bar.
+ The verses will speak for themselves, and are not unworthy his muse whose
+ poem suggested the comparisons. The inscription is placed over the large
+ Indian shell:&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <div class="poem">
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ "Snatch'd from an Indian ocean's roar,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I drink the whelming tide no more;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But in this rock, remote and still,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Now serve to pour the murmuring rill.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Listen! Do thoughts awake, which long have slept&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Oh! like his song, who placed me here,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The sweetest song to Memory dear,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ When life's tumultuous storms are past,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ May we, to such sweet music, close at last
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The eyelids that have wept!"
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ Leaving the small oratory, a terrace of flowers leads to a Gothic
+ stone-seat at the end, and, returning to the flower-garden, we wind up a
+ narrow path from the more verdant scene, to a small dark path, with
+ fantastic roots shooting from the bank, where a grave-stone appears, on
+ which an hour-glass is carved.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ A root-house fronts us, with dark boughs branching over it. Sit down in
+ that old carved chair. If I cannot welcome some illustrious visitors in
+ such consummate verse as Pope, I may, I hope, not without blameless pride,
+ tell you, reader, in this chair have sat some public characters,
+ distinguished by far more noble qualities than "the nobly pensive St.
+ John!" I might add, that this seat has received, among other visiters, Sir
+ Samuel Romilly, Sir George Beaumont, Sir Humphry Davy&mdash;poets as well
+ as philosophers, Madame de Stael, Dugald Stewart, and Christopher North,
+ Esq.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Two lines on a small board on this root-house point the application:&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <div class="poem">
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ "Dost thou lament the dead, and mourn the loss
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Of many friends, oh! think upon the cross!"
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ Over an old tomb-stone, through an arch, at a distance in light beyond,
+ there is a vista to a stone cross, which, in the seventeenth century,
+ would have been idolatrous!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ To detail more of the garden would appear ostentatious, and I fear I may
+ be thought egotistical in detailing so much. I shall, however, take the
+ reader, before we part, through an arch, to an old yew, which has seen the
+ persecution of the loyal English clergy; has witnessed their return, and
+ many changes of ecclesiastical and national fortune. Under the branches of
+ that solitary but mute historian of the pensive plain, let us now rest; it
+ stands at the very extreme northern edge of that garden which we have just
+ perambulated. It fronts the tower, the churchyard, and looks on to an old
+ sun-dial, once a <i>cross</i>. The <i>cross</i> was found broken at its
+ foot, probably by the country iconoclasts of the day. I have brought the
+ interesting fragment again into light, and placed it conspicuously
+ opposite to an old Scotch fir in the churchyard, which I think it not
+ unlikely was planted by Townson on his <i>restoration</i>. The
+ accumulation of the soil of centuries had covered an ascent of four steps
+ at the bottom of this record of silent hours. These steps have been worn
+ in places, from the act of frequent prostration or kneeling, by the
+ forefathers of <span class="pagenum"><a id="page88" name="page88"></a>[pg
+ 88]</span> the hamlet, perhaps before the church existed. From a seat near
+ this old yew tree, you see the churchyard, and battlements of the church,
+ on one side; and on the other you look over a great extent of country. On
+ a still summer's evening, the distant sound of the hurrying coaches, on
+ the great London road, are heard as they pass to and from the metropolis.
+ On this spot this last admonitory inscription fronts you:&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <div class="poem">
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ "There lie the village dead, and there too I,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ When yonder dial points the hour, shall lie.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Look round, the distant prospect is display'd,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Like life's fair landscape, mark'd with light and shade.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Stranger, in peace pursue thy onward road,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But ne'er forget thy lone and last abode!"
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ </div>
+ <h4>
+ <i>History of Bremhill, by Mr. Bowles.</i>
+ </h4>
+ <hr class="full" />
+ <h2>
+ RETROSPECTIVE GLEANINGS.
+ </h2>
+ <h3>
+ PAPER MARKS.
+ </h3>
+ <div class="figure" style="width:75%;">
+ <a href="images/326-2.png"><img width="75%" src="images/326-2.png" alt="" /></a>
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ Paper, for the purpose of writing or printing, was first manufactured in
+ this country, according to Anderson, about the year 1598, in the reign of
+ Elizabeth. There is reason, however, to believe, that its manufacture
+ existed here previous to that time. John Tate is recorded to have had a
+ paper-mill at Hertford, in the reign of Henry VII. and the first book
+ printed on English paper, came out in 1495 or 6. It was entitled
+ "Bartholomeus de proprietatibus rerum," and was printed on paper made by
+ John Tate, jun.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The different paper marks are objects of some curiosity. Probably they
+ gave the names to the different sorts, many of which names are retained,
+ though the original marks of distinction have been relinquished. <i>Post</i>
+ paper originally bore the wire mark of a postman's horn, as appears on
+ specimens of paper of the date 1679. The fleur de lis was the peculiar
+ mark of demy, most likely originating in France. The open <i>hand</i> is a
+ very ancient mark, giving name to a sort, which though still in use, is
+ considerably altered in size and texture.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <i>Fool's-Cap</i>&mdash;the name is still continued though the original
+ design of a fool's cap is relinquished.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <span class="pagenum"><a id="page89" name="page89"></a>[pg 89]</span>
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <i>Pot Paper.</i>&mdash;There were various designs of pots or drinking
+ vessels; this paper retains its proportions and size according to early
+ specimens, but the mark is exchanged for that of the arms of England.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The original manufacturer in this country, John Tate, marked his paper
+ with a star of eight points, within a double circle. The device of John
+ Tate, jun. was a wheel; his paper is remarkably fine and good.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Various other paper marks were in use, adopted most likely at the will or
+ caprice of the manufacturer. Thus we have the unicorn and other
+ non-descript quadrupeds, the bunch of grapes, serpent, and ox'head
+ surmounted by a star, a great favourite; the cross, crown, globe, initials
+ of manufacturers' names; and, at the conclusion of the 17th century and
+ commencement of the last, arms appear in escutcheons with supporters.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ SINGULAR REGULATIONS OF THE HOUSEHOLD OF HENRY VIII.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ The only alteration in the following is the difference of the orthography
+ which I have made for the benefit of your readers. They are extracts from
+ a curious manuscript, containing directions for the household of
+ HenryVIII.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "His highness' baker shall not put alum in the bread, or mix rye, oaten,
+ or bean flour with the same, and if detected, he shall be put into the
+ stocks.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "His highness' attendants are not to steal any locks or keys, tables,
+ forms, cupboards, or other furniture of noblemen's or gentlemen's houses,
+ where he goes to visit.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Master cooks shall not employ such scullions as go about naked, or lie
+ all night on the ground before the kitchen fire.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "No dogs to be kept in the court, but only a few spaniels for the ladies.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Dinners to be at ten, and suppers at four.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "The officers of his privy chamber shall be loving together, no grudging
+ or grumbling, or talking of the king's pastime.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "The king's barber is enjoined to be cleanly, not to frequent the company
+ of misguided women, for fear of danger to the king's royal person.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "There shall be no romping with the maids on the staircase, by which
+ dishes and other things are often broken!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "The pages shall not interrupt the kitchen maids.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "The grooms shall not steal his highness's straw for bed, sufficient being
+ allowed to them.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Coal only to be allowed to the king's, queen's, and lady Mary's chambers.<a
+ id="footnotetag2" name="footnotetag2"></a><a href="#footnote2"><sup>2</sup></a>
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "The brewers not to put any brimstone in the ale.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Twenty-four loaves a-day for his highness' greyhounds.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Ordered&mdash;that all noblemen and gentlemen at the end of the session
+ of parliament, depart to their several counties, on pain of the royal
+ displeasure."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The following items contain nothing very remarkable, and if they did,
+ perhaps I have copied enough already for a specimen of this ludicrous
+ manuscript.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ W. H. H.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ FOUR THIEVES' VINEGAR.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ In an old tract printed in the year 1749, it is stated that one Richard <i>Forthave</i>,
+ who lived in Bishopsgate-street Without, sold and invented "<i>a vinegar</i>,"
+ which had a great run, and he soon became noted; and from this it may be
+ concluded that the length of time has caused the above corruption. The
+ article in the pamphlet is headed "Forthave's Vinegar."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ W. H. H.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ FISH.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ Philip II. of Spain, the consort of our Queen Mary, gave a whimsical
+ reason for not eating fish. "They are," said he, "nothing but element
+ congealed, or a jelly of water."
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It is related of Queen Aterbates, that she forbade her subjects ever to
+ touch fish, "lest," said she, with calculating forecast, "there should not
+ be enough left to regale their sovereign."
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ A GENTLEMAN'S FASHION.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ In the reign of Henry VII. Sir Philip Calthorpe, a Norfolk knight, sent as
+ much cloth of fine French tawney, as would make him a gown, to a tailor in
+ Norwich. It happened, one John Drakes, a shoemaker, coming into the shop,
+ liked it so well, that he went and bought of the same, as much for
+ himself, enjoining the tailor to make it of the same fashion. The knight
+ was informed of this, and therefore commanded the tailor to cut his gown
+ as full of holes as his shears could make. John Drakes's was made "of the
+ same fashion," but he vowed he would never be of the <i>gentleman's</i>
+ fashion again.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ C. F E.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ CONVEYANCING.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ The oldest conveyance of which we have any account, namely, that of the
+ Cave <span class="pagenum"><a id="page90" name="page90"></a>[pg 90]</span>
+ of Macpelah, from the sons of Heth to Abraham, has many unnecessary and
+ redundant words in it. "And the field of Ephron, which was in Macpelah,
+ which was before Manire, the field, and the cave which was therein, and
+ all the trees that were in the field, that were in all the borders round
+ about, were made sure unto Abraham." The parcels in a modern conveyance
+ cannot well be more minutely characterized.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h2>
+ SPIRIT OF THE PUBLIC JOURNALS
+ </h2>
+ <h3>
+ THE HUSBAND'S COMPLAINT.
+ </h3>
+ <div class="poem">
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ "Will she thy linen wash and hosen darn?"
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ GAY.
+ </p>
+ <div class="poem">
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ I'm utterly sick of this hateful alliance
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Which the ladies have form'd with impractical Science!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ They put out their washing to learn hydrostatics,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And give themselves airs for the sake of pneumatics.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ They are knowing in muriate, and nitrate, and chlorine,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ While the stains gather fast on the walls and the flooring&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And the jellies and pickles fall wofully short,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ With their chemical use of the still and retort.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ Our expenses increase, (without drinking French wines.)
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ For they keep no accounts, with their tangents and sines-.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And to make both ends meet they give little assistance,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ With their accurate sense of the squares of the distance.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ They can name every spot from Peru to El Arish,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Except just the bounds of their own native parish;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And they study the orbits of Venus and Saturn,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ While their home is resign'd to the thief and the slattern.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ Chronology keeps back the dinner two hours,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The smoke-jack stands still while they learn motive powers;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Flies and shells swallow up all our every-day gains,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And our acres are mortgaged for fossil-remains.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ They cease to reflect with their talk of refraction&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ They drive us from home by electric attraction&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And I'm sure, since they've bother'd their heads with affinity,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I'm repuls'd every hour from my learned divinity.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ When the poor, stupid husband is weary and starving,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Anatomy leads them to give up the carving;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And we drudges the shoulder of mutton must buy,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ While they study the line of the <i>os humeri</i>.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ If we 'scape from our troubles to take a short nap,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ We awake with a din about limestone and trap;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And the fire is extinguished past regeneration,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ For the women were wrapt in the deep-coal formation.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ 'Tis an impious thing that the wives of the laymen,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Should use Pagan words 'bout a pistil and stamen,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Let the heir break his head while they fester a Dahlia,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And the babe die of pap as they talk of mammalia.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ The first son becomes half a fool in reality,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ While the mother is watching his large ideality;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And the girl roars uncheck'd, quite a moral abortion,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ For we trust her benevolence, order, and caution.
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ I sigh for the good times of sewing and spinning,
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Ere this new tree of knowledge had set them a sinning;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The women are mad, and they'll build female colleges,&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ So here's to plain English!&mdash;a plague on their ologies!
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ <i>London Mag.</i>
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ THE EDITOR'S ROOM.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ <i>July 28, 1828.</i>
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And so, most tasteful and provident public, you are going out of town on
+ Saturday next?&mdash;We envy you. Mars is gone, and Sontag is gone, and
+ Pasta is going&mdash;and Velluti is out of voice&mdash;and they are
+ playing tragedies at the Haymarket&mdash;and Vauxhall will never be dry
+ again&mdash;and the Funny Club are drenched to their skins every day&mdash;and
+ "the sweet shady side of Pall Mall" is a forgotten blessing. You will be
+ dull in the country if this weather continue&mdash;but not so dirty as
+ upon the Macadam. So go.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ We shall stay behind, with the Duke of Wellington, to look after business.
+ It would not do for either of us to be gadding, while Ireland, and Turkey,
+ and Portugal want watching. The times are getting ticklish. The stocks are
+ rising most dreadfully, as the barometer falls; and the Squirearchy are
+ beginning to dread that the patridges will be drowned. That will be a sad
+ drawback from the delights of a two-shilling quartern-loaf. For ourselves,
+ we have plenty of work cut out for us, in this our abiding place. The
+ fewer the books which are published, the more we shall have to draw upon
+ our own genius; and the duller the season, the more vivacious must we be
+ to put our readers in spirits. But we have consolation approaching in the
+ shape of amusing work. Immediately that parliament is up, the newspapers
+ will begin to lie, "like thunder," Tom Pipes would say. What mysterious
+ murders, what heart-rending accidents, what showers of bonnets in the
+ Paddington Canal, what legions of unhappy children dropped at honest men's
+ doors! We have got a file of the "Morning Herald" for the last ten years;&mdash;and
+ we give the worthy labourers in the accident line, fair notice, that if
+ they hash up the old stories with the self-same sauce, as they are wont to
+ do, without substituting the pistol for the razor, and not even changing
+ the Christian name of the young ladies who always drown themselves when
+ parliament is up, we shall take the matter into our own hands, and write a
+ "Chapter of Accidents" that will drive these poor pretenders <span
+ class="pagenum"><a id="page91" name="page91"></a>[pg 91]</span> to the
+ secrets of hemp and rats-bane fairly out of the field.&mdash;Ibid.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ AWKWARDNESS.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ Man is naturally the most awkward animal that inhales the breath of life.
+ There is nothing, however simple, which he can perform with the smallest
+ approach to gracefulness or ease. If he walks,&mdash;he hobbles, or jumps,
+ or limps, or trots, or sidles, or creeps&mdash;but creeping, sidling,
+ limping, hobbling, and jumping, are by no means walking. If he sits,&mdash;he
+ fidgets, twists his legs under his chair, throws his arm over the back of
+ it, and puts himself into a perspiration, by trying to be at ease. It is
+ the same in the more complicated operations of life. Behold that
+ individual on a horse! See with what persevering alacrity he hobbles up
+ and down from the croupe to the pommel, while his horse goes quietly at an
+ amble of from four to five miles in the hour. See how his knees, flying
+ like a weaver's shuttle, from one extremity of the saddle to another,
+ destroy, in a pleasure-ride from Edinburgh to Roslin, the good, gray
+ kerseymeres, which were glittering a day or two ago in Scaife and Willis's
+ shop. The horse begins to gallop&mdash;Bless our soul! the gentleman will
+ decidedly roll off. The reins were never intended to be pulled like a peal
+ of Bob Majors; your head, my friend ought to be on your own shoulders, and
+ not poking out between your charger's ears; and your horse ought to use <i>its</i>
+ exertions to move on, and not you. It is a very cold day, you have
+ cantered your two miles, and now you are wiping your brows, as if you had
+ run the distance in half the time on foot.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ People think it a mighty easy thing to roll along in a carriage. Step into
+ this noddy. That creature in the corner is evidently in a state of such
+ nervous excitement that his body is as immovable as if he had breakfasted
+ on the kitchen poker; every jolt of the vehicle must give him a shake like
+ a battering-ram; do you call this coming in to give yourself a rest? Poor
+ man, your ribs will ache for this for a month to come! But the other
+ gentleman opposite: see how flexible he has rendered his body. Every time
+ my venerable friend on the coach-box extends his twig with a few yards of
+ twine at the end of it, which he denominates "a whupp," the suddenness of
+ the accelerated motion makes his great, round head flop from the centre of
+ his short, thick neck, and come with such violence on the unstuffed back,
+ that his hat is sent down upon the bridge of his nose with a vehemence
+ which might well nigh carry it away. Do you say that man is capable of
+ taking a <i>pleasure</i> ride? Before he has been bumped three miles,
+ every pull of wind will be jerked out of his body, and by the time he has
+ arrived at Roslin, he will be a dead man. If that man prospers in the
+ world, he commits suicide the moment he sets up his carriage.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ We go to a ball. Mercy upon us! is this what you call dancing? A man of
+ thirty years of age, and with legs as thick as a gate-post, stands up in
+ the middle of the room, and gapes, and fumbles with his gloves, looking
+ all the time as if he were burying his grandmother. At a given signal, the
+ unwieldy animal puts himself in motion; he throws out his arms, crouches
+ up his shoulders, and, without moving a muscle of his face, kicks out his
+ legs, to the manifest risk of the bystanders, and goes back to the place
+ puffing and blowing like an otter, after a half-hour's burst. Is this
+ dancing? Shades of the filial and paternal Vestris! can this be a specimen
+ of the art which gives elasticity to the most inert confirmation, which
+ sets the blood glowing with a warm and genial flow, and makes beauty float
+ before our ravished senses, stealing our admiration by the gracefulness of
+ each new motion, till at last our souls thrill to each warning movement,
+ and dissolve into ecstasy and love?
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ People seem even to labour to be awkward. One would think a gentleman
+ might shake hands with a familiar friend without any symptoms of
+ cubbishness. Not at all. The hand is jerked out by the one with the
+ velocity of a rocket, and comes so unexpectedly to the length of its
+ tether, that it nearly dislocates the shoulder bone. There it stands
+ swaying and clutching at the wind, at the full extent of the arm, while
+ the other is half poked out, and half drawn in, as if rheumatism detained
+ the upper moiety and only below the elbow were at liberty to move. After
+ you have shaken the hand, (but for what reason you squeeze it, as if it
+ were a sponge, I can by no means imagine,) can you not withdraw it to your
+ side, and keep it in the station where nature and comfort alike tell you
+ it ought to be? Do you think your breeches' pocket the most proper place
+ to push your daddle into? Do you put it there to guard the solitary
+ half-crown from the rapacity of your friend; or do you put it across your
+ breast in case of an unexpected winder from your apparently peaceable
+ acquaintance on the opposite side?
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Is it not quite absurd that a man can't <span class="pagenum"><a
+ id="page92" name="page92"></a>[pg 92]</span> even take a glass of wine
+ without an appearance of infinite difficulty and pain? Eating an egg at
+ breakfast, we allow, is a difficult operation, but surely a glass of wine
+ after dinner should be as easy as it is undoubtedly agreeable. The egg
+ lies under many disadvantages. If you leave the egg-cup on the table, you
+ have to steady it with the one hand, and carry the floating nutriment a
+ distance of about two feet with the other, and always in a confoundedly
+ small spoon, and sometimes with rather unsteady fingers. To avoid this,
+ you take the egg-cup in your hand, and every spoonful have to lay it down
+ again, in order to help yourself to bread; so, upon the whole, we
+ disapprove of eggs, unless, indeed, you take them in our old mode at
+ Oxford; that is two eggs mashed up with every cup of tea, and purified
+ with a glass of hot rum.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But the glass of wine&mdash;can anything be more easy? One would think not&mdash;but
+ if you take notice next time you empty a gallon with a friend, you will
+ see that, sixteen to one, he makes the most convulsive efforts to do with
+ ease what a person would naturally suppose was the easiest thing in the
+ world. Do you see, in the first place, how hard he grasps the decanter,
+ leaving the misty marks of five hot fingers on the glittering crystal,
+ which ought to be pure as Cornelia's fame? Then remark at what an acute
+ angle he holds his right elbow as if he were meditating an assault on his
+ neighbour's ribs; then see how he claps the bottle down again as if his
+ object were to shake the pure ichor, and make it muddy as his own brains.
+ Mark how the animal seizes his glass,&mdash;by heavens he will break it
+ into a thousand fragments! See how he bows his lubberly head to meet half
+ way the glorious cargo; how he slobbers the beverage over his unmeaning
+ gullet, and chucks down the glass so as almost to break its stem after he
+ has emptied it of its contents as if they had been jalap or castor-oil!
+ Call you that taking a glass of wine? Sir, it is putting wine into your
+ gullet as you would put small beer into a barrel,&mdash;but it is not&mdash;oh,
+ no! it is not taking, so as to enjoy, a glass of red, rich port, or
+ glowing, warm, tinted, beautiful caveza!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ A newly married couple are invited to a wedding dinner. Though the lady,
+ perhaps, has run off with a person below her in rank and station, see when
+ they enter the room, how differently they behave.&mdash;How gracefully she
+ waves her head in the fine recover from the withdrawing curtsy, and
+ beautifully extends her hand to the bald-pated individual grinning to her
+ on the rug! While the poor spoon, her husband, looks on, with the white of
+ his eyes turned up as if he were sea-sick, and his hands dangle dangle on
+ his thighs as if he were trying to lift his own legs. See how he ducks to
+ the lady of the house, and simpers across the fire-place to his wife, who,
+ by this time is giving a most spirited account of the state of the roads,
+ and the civility of the postilions near the Borders.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Is a man little? Let him always, if possible, stoop. We are sometimes
+ tempted to lay sprawling in the mud fellows of from five feet to five feet
+ eight, who carry the back of their heads on the extreme summit of their
+ back-bone, and gape up to heaven as if they scorned the very ground. Let
+ no little man wear iron heels. When we visit a friend of ours in
+ Queen-street we are disturbed from our labours or conversation by a sound
+ which resembles the well-timed marching of a file of infantry or a troop
+ of dismounted dragoons. We hobble as fast as possible to the window, and
+ are sure to see some chappie of about five feet high stumping on the
+ pavement with his most properly named cuddy-heels; and we stake our
+ credit, we never yet heard a similar clatter from any of his majesty's
+ subjects of a rational and gentlemanly height&mdash;We mean from five feet
+ eleven (our own height) up to six feet three.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Is a man tall? Let him never wear a surtout. It is the most unnatural, and
+ therefore the most awkward dress that ever was invented. On a tall man, if
+ he be thin, it appears like a cossack-trouser on a stick leg; if it be
+ buttoned, it makes his leanness and lankness still more appalling and
+ absurd; if it be open, it appears to be no part of his costume, and leads
+ us to suppose that some elongated habit-maker is giving us a specimen of
+ that rare bird, the flying tailor.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ We go on a visit to the country for a few days, and the neighbourhood is
+ famous for its beautiful prospects. Though, for our own individual share,
+ we would rather go to the catacombs alone, than to a splendid view in a
+ troop, we hate to balk young people! and as even now a walking-stick chair
+ is generally carried along for our behoof, we seldom or ever remain at
+ home when all the rest of the party trudge off to some "bushy bourne or
+ mossy dell." On these occasions how infinitely superior the female is to
+ the male part of the species! The ladies, in a quarter of an hour after
+ the proposal of the ploy, appear all in readiness to start, each with her
+ walking-shoes and parasol, with a smart reticule dangling from her wrist.
+ The gentlemen, on the other hand, get off with their great, heavy
+ Wellingtons, <span class="pagenum"><a id="page93" name="page93"></a>[pg 93]</span>
+ which, after walking half a mile, pinch them at the toe, and make the
+ pleasure excursion confine them to the house for weeks. Then some fool,
+ the first gate or stile we come to, is sure to show off his vaulting, and
+ upsets himself in the ditch on the opposite side, instead of going quietly
+ over and helping the damosels across. And then, if he does attempt the
+ polite, how awkwardly the monster makes the attempt! We come to a narrow
+ ditch with a plank across it&mdash;He goes only half way, and standing in
+ the middle of the plank, stretches out his hand and pulls the unsuspecting
+ maiden so forcibly, that before he has time to get out of the way, the
+ impetus his own tug has produced, precipitates them both among the hemlock
+ and nettles, which, you may lay it down as a general rule, are to be found
+ at the thoroughfares in every field.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ We hold that every man behaves with awkwardness when he is in love, and
+ the want of the one is a presumption of the absence of the other. When
+ people are fairly engaged, there is perhaps less of this directly <i>to
+ the object</i>, but there is still as much of it in her presence; but it
+ is wonderful how soon the most nervous become easy when marriage has
+ concluded all their hopes. Delicate girl! just budding into womanly
+ loveliness, whose heart, for the last ten minutes, has been trembling
+ behind the snowy wall of thy fair and beautiful bosom, hast thou never
+ remarked and laughed at a tall and much-be-whiskered young man for the <i>mauvaise
+ honte</i> with which he hands to thee thy cup of half-watered souchong?
+ Laugh not at him again, for he will assuredly be thy husband.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Love, when successful is well enough, and perhaps it has treasures of its
+ own to compensate for its inconveniences; but a more miserable situation
+ than that of an unhappy individual before the altar, it is not in the
+ heart of man to conceive. First of all, you are marched with a solitary
+ male companion up the long aisle, which on this occasion appears
+ absolutely interminable; then you meet your future partner dressed out in
+ satin and white ribbons, whom you are sure to meet in gingham gowns or
+ calico prints, every morning of your life ever after. There she is,
+ supported by her old father, decked out in his old-fashioned brown coat,
+ with a wig of the same colour, beautifully relieving the burning redness
+ of his huge projecting ears; and the mother, puffed up like an overgrown
+ bolster, encouraging the trembling girl, and joining her maiden aunts of
+ full fifty years, in telling her to take courage, for it is what they must
+ all come to. Bride's-maids and mutual friends make up the company; and
+ there, standing out before this assemblage, you assent to everything the
+ curate, or, if you are rich enough, the rector, or even the dean, may say,
+ shewing your knock-knees in the naked deformity of white kerseymeres, to
+ an admiring bevy of the servants of both families, laughing and tittering
+ from the squire's pew in the gallery. Then the parting!&mdash;The mother's
+ injunctions to the juvenile bride to guard herself from the cold, and to
+ write within the week. The maiden aunts' inquiries, of, "My dear, have you
+ forgot nothing?"&mdash;the shaking of hands, the wiping and winking of
+ eyes! By Hercules!&mdash;there is but one situation more unpleasant <i>in</i>
+ this world, and that is, bidding adieu to your friends, the ordinary and
+ jailor, preparatory to swinging from the end of a halter <i>out</i> of it.
+ The lady all this time seems not half so awkward. She has her gown to keep
+ from creasing, her vinaigrette to play with; besides, that all her
+ nervousness is interesting and feminine, and is laid to the score of
+ delicacy and reserve.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <i>Blackwood's Magazine.</i>
+ </p>
+ <hr class="full" />
+ <h2>
+ MANNERS &amp; CUSTOMS OF ALL NATIONS.
+ </h2>
+ <h3>
+ CURIOUS CHINESE CUSTOMS.
+ </h3>
+ <h4>
+ <i>(From the "Canton Register," the first English Newspaper published in
+ China.)</i>
+ </h4>
+ <h3>
+ BURIAL.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ No corpse is allowed to enter the gates of Pekin without an imperial
+ order; because, it is said, a rebel entered in a coffin during the reign
+ of Kienlung. However, even at Canton, and in all other cities of the
+ empire, no corpse is permitted to enter the southern gate, because the
+ Emperor of China gets on his throne with his face towards the south.
+ </p>
+ <h3>
+ THE NEW YEAR.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ The Chinese make their new year commence on the new moon, nearest to the
+ time when the sun's place is in the 15th degree of Aquarius. It is the
+ greatest festival observed in the empire. Both the government and the
+ people, rich and poor, take a longer or shorter respite from their cares
+ and their labours at the new year.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The last day of the old year is an anxious time to all debtors and
+ creditors, for it is the great pay-day, and those who cannot pay are
+ abused and insulted, and often have the furniture of their house all
+ smashed to pieces by their desperate creditors.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ On the 20th of the twelfth moon, by an order from court, all the seals of
+ office, <span class="pagenum"><a id="page94" name="page94"></a>[pg 94]</span>
+ throughout the empire, are locked up, and not opened till the 20th of the
+ first moon. By this arrangement there are thirty days of rest from the
+ ordinary official business of government. They attend, however, to
+ extraordinary cases.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ During the last few days of the old year, the people perform various
+ domestic rites. On one evening they sweep clean the furnace and the
+ hearth, and worship the god of their domestic fires.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ On new-year's eve, they perfume hot water with the leaves of Wongpe and
+ Pumelo trees, and bathe in it. At midnight they arise and dress in the
+ best clothes and caps they can procure; then towards heaven kneel down,
+ and perform the great imperial ceremony of knocking the forehead on the
+ ground thrice three times. Next they illuminate as splendidly as they can,
+ and pray for felicity towards some domestic idol. Then they visit all the
+ gods in the various surrounding temples, burn candles, incense, gilt
+ paper, make bows, and prostrate pray.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ These services to the gods being finished, they sally forth about daylight
+ in all directions, to visit friends and neighbours, leaving a red paper
+ card at each house. Some stay at home to receive visitors. In the house,
+ sons and daughters, servants and slaves, all dress, and appear before the
+ heads of the family, to congratulate them on the new year.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ After new year's day, drinking and carousing, visiting and feasting,
+ idleness and dissipation, continue for weeks. All shops are shut, and
+ workmen idle, for a longer or shorter period, according to the
+ necessities, or the habits, of the several parties. It is, in Canton,
+ generally a month before the business of life returns to its ordinary
+ channel.
+ </p>
+ <h3>
+ MEETING THE SPRING.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ February 4, is a great holiday throughout the empire. It is called
+ Yingchun, that is, meeting the spring, to-morrow, when the sun enters the
+ 15&ordm; of Aquarius, being considered the commencement of the spring
+ season. It is a sort of Lord Mayor's day. The chief magistrate of the
+ district goes forth in great pomp, carried on men's shoulders, in an open
+ chair, with gongs beating, music playing, and nymphs and satyrs seated
+ among artificial rocks and trees, carried in procession.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ He goes to the general parade-ground, on the east side of Canton, on the
+ following day, being Lapchun, the first day of spring, in a similar style.
+ There a buffalo, with an agricultural god made of clay, having been
+ paraded through the streets, and pelted by the populace, to impel its
+ labours, is placed on the ground, in solemn state, when this official
+ priest of spring gives it a few strokes with a whip, and leaves it to the
+ populace, who pelt it with stones till it is broken to pieces; and so the
+ foolish ceremony terminates. The due observance of this ancient usage is
+ supposed to contribute greatly to an abundant year.
+ </p>
+ <h3>
+ PAWNBROKING.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ Is carried on to a very great extent in China. The system seems divided
+ into two parts; one branch affording aid to those in the very inferior
+ walks of life, and chiefly confined to very small advances; the other
+ granting loans upon deposits of higher value, and corresponding with
+ similar establishments in England. These are authorized by the government;
+ but there are others, we are informed, that exist without this sanction,
+ and are directed to the relief of the mercantile interest. These
+ assimilate very nearly to the late project in London of an Equitable Loan
+ Company, making advances upon cargoes and large deposits of goods.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ These houses are as conspicuously indicated, by an exterior sign over the
+ door, as our shops in England are by the three golden balls; but, whether
+ they indicate the same doctrine of chance as to the return of property, we
+ will not pretend to say. Three years are allowed to redeem, with a grace
+ of three months.
+ </p>
+ <h3>
+ TORTURE.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ In China, the laws still permit torture, to a defined extent, and the
+ magistrate often inflicts it, contrary to law. Compressing the ancles of
+ men between wooden levers, and the fingers of women with a small
+ apparatus, on the same principle, is the most usual form. But there are
+ many other devices suggested and practised, contrary to law; and in every
+ part of the empire, for some years past, there have been many instances of
+ suspected persons, or those falsely accused, being tortured till death
+ ensued. From Hoopih province, an appeal is now before the emperor, against
+ a magistrate who tortured a man to death, to extort a confession of
+ homicide; and we have just heard, from Kwang-se province, that on the 24th
+ of the 11th moon, one Netseyuen, belonging to Canton, having received an
+ appointment for his high literary attainments, to the magistracy of a Heen
+ district, in a fit of drunkenness, subjected a young man, on his bridal
+ day, to the torture, because he would not resign the band of music which
+ he had engaged to accompany, according to law and usage, his intended wife
+ to his father's house. The young <span class="pagenum"><a id="page95"
+ name="page95"></a>[pg 95]</span> man's name was Kwanfa. He died under the
+ torture, and the affrighted magistrate went and hanged himself.
+ </p>
+ <h3>
+ CHINESE PRISON.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ Prisoners who have money to spend, can be accommodated with private
+ apartments, cards, servants, and every luxury. The prisoners' chains and
+ fetters are removed from their bodies, and suspended against the wall,
+ till the hour of going the rounds occurs; after that ceremony is over, the
+ fetters are again placed where they hurt nobody. But those who have not
+ money to bribe the keepers, are in a woful condition. Not only is every
+ alleviation of their sufferings removed, but actual infliction of
+ punishment is added, to extort money to buy "burnt-offerings" (of paper)
+ to the god of the jail, as the phrase is. For this purpose the prisoners
+ are tied up, or rather hung up, and flogged. At night, they are fettered
+ down to a board, neck, wrists, and ancles, amidst ordure and filth, whilst
+ the rats, unmolested, are permitted to gnaw their limbs! This place of
+ torment is proverbially called, in ordinary speech, "Te-yuk," a term
+ equivalent to the worst sense of the word "hell."
+ </p>
+ <h3>
+ TOUR ROUND THE CITY WALLS.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ It is well known that the Chinese consider their walled towns in the same
+ light as fortifications are regarded in Europe, and disallow foreigners
+ entering them, excepting on special occasions. But there is no law against
+ walking in the suburbs. Usage has, however, limited the Europeans in China
+ to very small bounds. Some persons occasionally violate them, and attempt
+ a longer walk. Once round the city walls has frequently been effected, but
+ always at the risk of a scuffle, an assault and battery, from the idle and
+ mischievous among the native population. On former occasions, some of the
+ foreign tourists have returned to the factories relieved of the burden of
+ their watches and clothes. An English baronet was once, on his passage
+ round, robbed of his watch, and stripped either almost, or entirely naked.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ A few days ago, a party of three started at six o'clock in the morning,
+ and performed the circuit at about eight, with impunity. The distance
+ round the walls they estimated to be nine miles. A few days afterwards,
+ two persons set off in the evening for a walk under the city walls; but
+ they were not so fortunate. They were violently assaulted by a rabble of
+ men and boys, the former of whom pursued them with bludgeons, brickbats,
+ and stones, which not only inflicted severe contusions, but really
+ endangered their lives. The two foreigners were obliged to face about, and
+ fight and run alternately the distance of several miles.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ We, who know the hostile feelings of the population, are not surprised at
+ the occurrence, and rather congratulate the tourists that they effected
+ their escape so well. We notice the affair to put others on their guard;
+ and (as the Chinese say) if they should get into a similar scrape, they
+ cannot blame us for not warning them of their danger.
+ </p>
+ <hr class="full" />
+ <h2>
+ THE GATHERER
+ </h2>
+ <div class="poem">
+ <div class="stanza">
+ <p>
+ "A snapper-up of unconsidered trifles."
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ SHAKSPEARE.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ BAPTISMAL PROMISES.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ One of the subjects for confirmation at a bishop's recent visitation, on
+ being asked by the clergyman to whom she applied for her certificate of
+ qualifications, what her godfathers and godmothers promised for her, said,
+ with much <i>naivet&eacute;</i>, "I've a yeard that they promised to give
+ me hafe a dozen zilver spoons, but I've never had 'em though."
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ A GOOD WIFE.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ The real portrait of a fine lady, wife to one of the ancient and noble
+ family of the Fanes, Earls of Westmoreland, drawn by her husband, and
+ inscribed in old characters upon a wall of a room in Buxton Place, a seat
+ belonging to the noble family, near Maidstone, in Kent.&mdash;<i>Taken
+ from Mist's Journal</i>.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Shee feared God, and knew how to serve him; Shee assigned times for hir
+ devotions and kept them; She was a perfect wife and a true friend, and
+ shee joyed most to affect those nearest and dearest unto me; She was still
+ the same: ever kind and never troublesome; oft preventing my desires,
+ disputing none; providently managing all was mine; living in apparence
+ above my state; yet advanced it; Shee was of a great spirit, sweetly
+ tempered; of a sharp wit, without offence; of excellent speech, blest with
+ silence; of a cheerfull temper modestly governed; of a brave fashion to
+ win respect to daunt boldness; pleasing to all of hir sex; entyre with
+ few, delighting in the best; ever avoiding all places and persons in the
+ honours blemished; and was as free from doing ill as giving the occasion:
+ Shee dyed as she lived, well and blessed; in hir greatest extremity most
+ patient, sending up hir pure soule with many zealous prayers and hymnes to
+ hir maker; powring forth hir passionate heart with affectionate streams of
+ love to hir"&mdash;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <span class="pagenum"><a id="page96" name="page96"></a>[pg 96]</span>
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ "Husband" should have followed, but tradition tells us that by this time
+ his grief swelled to such a height that he could not proceed any further.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ T. H.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <p>
+ At the recent sale of a provincial theatre and its appurtenances, one
+ article was to be included in the purchase, of which a short lease is by
+ no means desirable&mdash;<i>a new drop</i>.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ BRITISH TARS,
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ Who are so fond of harmony among themselves, have a great dislike to
+ concord as applied to their enemies, and find even a disagreeable
+ association in the very sound of the word, as the following anecdote will
+ exemplify:&mdash;Among the illuminations for the last peace, were some of
+ a very grand description, and on the door of a foreign ambassador in
+ London, the words "<i>Peace and Concord</i>" figured at full length in
+ characters of flame. "What say you, Mounsier, <i>Conquered</i>!" exclaimed
+ an honest sailor, to whom a stander-by was explaining the mystic words;
+ "shiver my timbers, who ever dared to call us '<i>Conquered</i>' yet?" and
+ so saying, was proceeding to extinguish the unlucky blaze, when a civil
+ explanation, to which British bravery is ever ready to yield, restored
+ Peace, and allowed Concord to continue.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ REMEDY FOR DULNESS.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ Lord Dorset used to say of a very goodnatured, dull fellow, "'Tis a
+ thousand pities that man is not illnatured! that one might kick him out of
+ company."
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ NATIONAL COMPLAINTS.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ The Englishmen at Paris find fault with the <i>French roast beef</i>; the
+ Frenchmen in London complain of the <i>British brandy</i>.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The English who visit Paris, imagine that the tavern-keepers have served
+ in the <i>cavalry</i>, as they are so expert in <i>making a charge</i>.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ A foreigner inquiring the way to a friend's lodging, whom he said lived at
+ <i>Mr. Bailey's, senior</i>, was shown to the <i>Old Bailey</i>, by a
+ Bow-street officer. When he entered the court he imagined that it was his
+ friend's levee.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ BENEFIT OF CORRECTION.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ A certain bishop declared one day, that the punishment used in schools did
+ not make boys a whit better, or more tractable; it was insisted that
+ whipping was of the utmost service, for every one must allow it made a boy
+ <i>smart</i>.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ FRENCH AND ENGLISH.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ "<i>C'est la Soupe</i>," says one of the best of proverbs, "<i>qui fait le
+ Soldat</i>;" "It is the soup that makes the soldier." Excellent as our
+ troops are in the field, there cannot be a more unquestionable fact, than
+ their immense inferiority to the French in the business of cookery. The
+ English soldier lays his piece of ration beef at once on the coals, by
+ which means, the one and the better half is lost, and the other burnt to a
+ cinder. Whereas six French troopers fling their messes into the same pot,
+ and extract a delicious soup, ten times more nutritious than the simple <i>R&ocirc;ti</i>
+ could ever be.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ THE FAMILY SUIT.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ The son-in-law of a chancery barrister having succeeded to the lucrative
+ practice of the latter, came one morning in breathless ecstasy to inform
+ him that he had succeeded in bringing nearly to its termination, a cause
+ which had been pending in the court of scruples for several years. Instead
+ of obtaining the expected congratulations of the retired veteran of the
+ law, his intelligence was received with indignation. "It was by this
+ suit," exclaimed he, "that my father was enabled to provide for me, and to
+ portion your wife, and with the exercise of common prudence it would have
+ furnished you with the means of providing handsomely for your children and
+ grand-children."
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ PORK CHOPS.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ It is related, that Fuseli, the celebrated artist, when he wished to
+ summon Nightmare, and bid her sit for her picture, or any other grotesque
+ or horrible personations, was wont to prime himself for the feat by
+ supping on about three pounds of half-dressed pork-chops.
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ ARDUOUS BAPTISM.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ An infant was brought for baptism into a country church. The clergyman,
+ who had just been drinking with his friends a more than usual quantum of
+ the genial juice, could not find the place of the baptism in his ritual,
+ and exclaimed, as he was turning over the leaves of the book, "How
+ difficult this child is to baptize!"
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <h3>
+ DULL READING.
+ </h3>
+ <p>
+ St. Jerome says, that there is no book so dull, but it meets a suitable
+ dull reader. "<i>Nullus est imperitus scriptor, qui lectorem non inveniat</i>."
+ </p>
+ <hr class="full" />
+ <blockquote class="footnote">
+ <p>
+ <a id="footnote1" name="footnote1"></a> <b>Footnote 1</b>: <a
+ href="#footnotetag1">(return)</a>
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ from an exquisite lithograph by J. Goldicutt.
+ </p>
+ </blockquote>
+ <blockquote class="footnote">
+ <p>
+ <a id="footnote2" name="footnote2"></a> <b>Footnote 2</b>: <a
+ href="#footnotetag2">(return)</a>
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Hence it was found necessary for the pages and servants to run about to
+ warm themselves with different diversions before going to bed.
+ </p>
+ </blockquote>
+ <hr class="full" />
+ <p>
+ <i>Printed and Published by J. LIMBIRD. 143, Strand, (near
+ Somerset-House.) London: Sold by ERNEST FLEISCHER, 626, New Market,
+ Leipsic; and by all Newsmen and Booksellers.</i>
+ </p>
+ <hr class="full" />
+ <p>
+ <div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10475 ***</div>
+</body>
+</html>
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