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diff --git a/10430.txt b/10430.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bc21aa1 --- /dev/null +++ b/10430.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4245 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Trips to the Moon, by Lucian, Edited by Henry +Morley, Translated by Thomas Francklin + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + + + + +Title: Trips to the Moon + +Author: Lucian + +Release Date: December 10, 2003 [eBook #10430] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TRIPS TO THE MOON*** + + +This eBook was prepared by Les Bowler, St. Ives, Dorset. + + + + +TRIPS TO THE MOON + +by Lucian. + + + +Translated from the Greek by Thomas Francklin, D.D. + + + +CONTENTS. + +Introduction by Professor Henry Morley. +Instructions for Writing History. +The True History. + Preface. + Book 1. + Book 2. +Icaro-Menippus--A Dialogue. + + + +INTRODUCTION. + + + +Lucian, in Greek Loukianos, was a Syrian, born about the year 120 at +Samosata, where a bend of the Euphrates brings that river nearest to +the borders of Cilicia in Asia Minor. He had in him by nature a +quick flow of wit, with a bent towards Greek literature. It was +thought at home that he showed as a boy the artist nature by his +skill in making little waxen images. An uncle on his mother's side +happened to be a sculptor. The home was poor, Lucian would have his +bread to earn, and when he was fourteen he was apprenticed to his +uncle that he might learn to become a sculptor. Before long, while +polishing a marble tablet he pressed on it too heavily and broke it. +His uncle thrashed him. Lucian's spirit rebelled, and he went home +giving the comic reason that his uncle beat him because jealous of +the extraordinary power he showed in his art. + +After some debate Lucian abandoned training as a sculptor, studied +literature and rhetoric, and qualified himself for the career of an +advocate and teacher at a time when rhetoric had still a chief place +in the schools. He practised for a short time unsuccessfully at +Antioch, and then travelled for the cultivation of his mind in +Greece, Italy, and Gaul, making his way by use of his wits, as +Goldsmith did long afterwards when he started, at the outset also of +his career as a writer, on a grand tour of the continent with +nothing in his pocket. Lucian earned as he went by public use of +his skill as a rhetorician. His travel was not unlike the modern +American lecturing tour, made also for the money it may bring and +for the new experience acquired by it. + +Lucian stayed long enough in Athens to acquire a mastery of Attic +Greek, and his public discourses could not have been without full +seasoning of Attic salt. In Italy and Gaul his success brought him +money beyond his present needs, and he went back to Samosata, when +about forty years old, able to choose and follow his own course in +life. + +He then ceased to be a professional talker, and became a writer, +bold and witty, against everything that seemed to him to want +foundation for the honour that it claimed. He attacked the gods of +Greece, and the whole system of mythology, when, in its second +century, the Christian Church was ready to replace the forms of +heathen worship. He laughed at the philosophers, confounding +together in one censure deep conviction with shallow convention. +His vigorous winnowing sent chaff to the winds, but not without some +scattering of wheat. Delight in the power of satire leads always to +some excess in its use. But if the power be used honestly--and even +if it be used recklessly--no truth can be destroyed. Only the +reckless use of it breeds in minds of the feebler sort mere pleasure +in ridicule, that weakens them as helpers in the real work of the +world, and in that way tends to retard the forward movement. But on +the whole, ridicule adds more vigour to the strong than it takes +from the weak, and has its use even when levelled against what is +good and true. In its own way it is a test of truth, and may be +fearlessly applied to it as jewellers use nitric acid to try gold. +If it be uttered for gold and is not gold, let it perish; but if it +be true, it will stand trial. + +The best translation of the works of Lucian into English was that by +Dr. Thomas Francklin, sometime Greek Professor in the University of +Cambridge, which was published in two large quarto volumes in the +year 1780, and reprinted in four volumes in 1781. Lucian had been +translated before in successive volumes by Ferrand Spence and +others, an edition, completed in 1711, for which Dryden had written +the author's Life. Dr. Francklin, who produced also the best +eighteenth century translation of Sophocles, joined to his +translation of Lucian a little apparatus of introductions and notes +by which the English reader is often assisted, and he has skilfully +avoided the translation of indecencies which never were of any use, +and being no longer sources of enjoyment, serve only to exclude good +wit, with which, under different conditions of life, they were +associated, from the welcome due to it in all our homes. There is a +just and scholarly, as well as a meddlesome and feeble way of +clearing an old writer from uncleannesses that cause him now to be a +name only where he should be a power. Dr. Francklin has understood +his work in that way better than Dr. Bowdler did. He does not +Bowdlerise who uses pumice to a blot, but he who rubs the copy into +holes wherever he can find an honest letter with a downstroke +thicker than becomes a fine-nibbed pen. A trivial play of fancy in +one of the pieces in this volume, easily removed, would have been as +a dead fly in the pot of ointment, and would have deprived one of +Lucian's best works of the currency to which it is entitled. + +Lucian's works are numerous, and they have been translated into +nearly all the languages of Europe. + +The "Instructions for Writing History" was probably one of the +earliest pieces written by him after Lucian had settled down at +Samosata to the free use of his pen, and it has been usually +regarded as his best critical work. With ridicule of the +affectations of historians whose names and whose books have passed +into oblivion, he joins sound doctrine upon sincerity of style. +"Nothing is lasting that is feigned," said Ben Jonson; "it will have +another face ere long." Long after Lucian's day an artificial +dignity, accorded specially to work of the historian, bound him by +its conventions to an artificial style. He used, as Johnson said of +Dr. Robertson, "too big words and too many of them." But that was +said by Johnson in his latter days, with admission of like fault in +the convention to which he had once conformed: "If Robertson's +style is bad, that is to say, too big words and too many of them, I +am afraid he caught it of me." Lucian would have dealt as +mercilessly with that later style as Archibald Campbell, ship's +purser and son of an Edinburgh Professor, who used the form of one +of Lucian's dialogues, "Lexiphanes," for an assault of ridicule upon +pretentious sentence-making, and helped a little to get rid of it. +Lucian laughed in his day at small imitators of the manner of +Thucydides, as he would laugh now at the small imitators of the +manner of Macaulay. He bade the historian first get sure facts, +then tell them in due order, simply and without exaggeration or toil +after fine writing; though he should aim not the less at an enduring +grace given by Nature to the Art that does not stray from her, and +simply speaks the highest truth it knows. + +The endeavour of small Greek historians to add interest to their +work by magnifying the exploits of their countrymen, and piling +wonder upon wonder, Lucian first condemned in his "Instructions for +Writing History," and then caricatured in his "True History," +wherein is contained the account of a trip to the moon, a piece +which must have been enjoyed by Rabelais, which suggested to Cyrano +de Bergerac his Voyages to the Moon and to the Sun, and insensibly +contributed, perhaps, directly or through Bergerac, to the +conception of "Gulliver's Travels." I have added the Icaro- +Menippus, because that Dialogue describes another trip to the moon, +though its satire is more especially directed against the +philosophers. + +Menippus was born at Gadara in Coele-Syria, and from a slave he grew +to be a Cynic philosopher, chiefly occupied with scornful jests on +his neighbours, and a money-lender, who made large gains and killed +himself when he was cheated of them all. He is said to have written +thirteen pieces which are lost, but he has left his name in +literature, preserved by important pieces that have taken the name +of "Menippean Satire." + +Lucian married in middle life, and had a son. He was about fifty +years old when he went to Paphlagonia, and visited a false oracle to +detect the tricks of an Alexander who made profit out of it, and who +professed to have a daughter by the Moon. When the impostor offered +Lucian his hand to kiss, Lucian bit his thumb; he also intervened to +the destruction of a profitable marriage for the daughter of the +Moon. Alexander lent Lucian a vessel of his own for the voyage +onward, and gave instructions to the sailors that they were to find +a convenient time and place for throwing their passenger into the +sea; but when the convenient time had come the goodwill of the +master of the vessel saved Lucian's life. He was landed, therefore, +at AEgialos, where he found some ambassadors to Eupator, King of +Bithynia, who took him onward upon his way. + +It is believed that Lucian lived to be ninety, and it is assumed, +since he wrote a burlesque drama on gout, that the cause of his +death was not simply old age. Gout may have been the immediate +cause of death. Lucian must have spent much time at Athens, and he +held office at one time in his later years as Procurator of a part +of Egypt. + +The works of Lucian consist largely of dialogues, in which he +battled against what he considered to be false opinions by bringing +the satire of Aristophanes and the sarcasm of Menippus into +disputations that sought chiefly to throw down false idols before +setting up the true. He made many enemies by bold attacks upon the +ancient faiths. His earlier "Dialogues of the Gods" only brought +out their stories in a way that made them sound ridiculous. +Afterwards he proceeded to direct attack on the belief in them. In +one Dialogue Timocles a Stoic argues for belief in the old gods +against Damis an Epicurean, and the gods, in order of dignity +determined by the worth of the material out of which they are made, +assemble to hear the argument. Damis confutes the Stoic, and laughs +him into fury. Zeus is unhappy at all this, but Hermes consoles him +with the reflection that although the Epicurean may speak for a few, +the mass of Greeks, and all the barbarians, remain true to the +ancient opinions. Suidas, who detested such teaching, wrote a Life +of him, in which he said that Lucian was at last torn to pieces by +dogs. + +Dr. Francklin prefaced his edition with a Life, written by a friend +in the form of a Dialogue of the Dead in the Elysian Fields between +Lord Lyttelton--who had been, in his Dialogues of the Dead, an +imitator of the Dialogues so called in Lucian--and Lucian himself. +"By that shambling gait and length of carcase," says Lucian, "it +must be Lord Lyttelton coming this way." "And by that arch look and +sarcastic smile," says Lyttelton, "you are my old friend Lucian, +whom I have not seen this many a day. Fontenelle and I have just +now been talking of you, and the obligations we both had to our old +master: I assure you that there was not a man in all antiquity for +whom, whilst on earth, I had a greater regard than yourself." After +Lucian has told Lyttelton something about his life, his lordship +thanks Lucian for the little history, and says, "I wish with all my +heart I could convey it to a friend of mine in the other world"-- +meaning Dr. Francklin--"to whom, at this juncture, it would be of +particular service: I mean a bold adventurer who has lately +undertaken to give a new and complete translation of all your works. +It is a noble design, but an arduous one; I own I tremble for him." +Lucian replies, "I heard of it the other day from Goldsmith, who +knew the man. I think he may easily succeed in it better than any +of his countrymen, who hitherto have made but miserable work with +me; nor do I make a much better appearance in my French habit, +though that I know has been admired. D'Ablancourt has made me say a +great many things, some good, some bad, which I never thought of, +and, upon the whole, what he has done is more a paraphrase than a +translation." Then, says Lord Lyttelton, "All the attempts to +represent you, at least in our language, which I have yet seen, have +failed, and all from the same cause, by the translator's departing +from the original, and substituting his own manners, phraseology, +expression, wit, and humour instead of yours. Nothing, as it has +been observed by one of our best critics, is so grave as true +humour, and every line of Lucian is a proof of it; it never laughs +itself, whilst it sets the table in a roar; a circumstance which +these gentlemen seem all to have forgotten: instead of the set +features and serious aspect which you always wear when most +entertaining, they present us for ever with a broad grin, and if you +have the least smile upon your countenance make you burst into a +vulgar horse-laugh: they are generally, indeed, such bad painters, +that the daubing would never be taken for you if they had not +written 'Lucian' under the picture. I heartily wish the Doctor +better luck." Upon which the Doctor's friend makes Lucian reply: +"And there is some reason to hope it, for I hear he has taken pains +about me, has studied my features well before he sat down to trace +them on the canvas, and done it con amore: if he brings out a good +resemblance, I shall excuse the want of grace and beauty in his +piece. I assure you I am not without pleasing expectation; +especially as my friend Sophocles, who, you know, sat to him some +time ago, tells me, though he is no Praxiteles, he does not take a +bad likeness. But I must be gone, for yonder come Swift and +Rabelais, whom I have made a little party with this morning: so, my +good lord, fare you well." + +Lucian had another translator in 1820, who in no way superseded Dr. +Francklin. The reader of this volume is reminded that the notes are +Dr. Francklin's, and that any allusion in them to a current topic, +has to be read as if this present year of grace were 1780. + H. M. + + + +INSTRUCTIONS FOR WRITING HISTORY. + + + +Lucian, in this letter to his friend Philo, after having, with +infinite humour, exposed the absurdities of some contemporary +historians, whose works, being consigned to oblivion, have never +reached us, proceeds, in the latter part of it, to lay down most +excellent rules and directions for writing history. My readers will +find the one to the last degree pleasant and entertaining; and the +other no less useful, sensible, and instructive. This is, indeed, +one of Lucian's best pieces. + +My Dear Philo,--In the reign of Lysimachus, {17} we are told that +the people of Abdera were seized with a violent epidemical fever, +which raged through the whole city, continuing for seven days, at +the expiration of which a copious discharge of blood from the +nostrils in some, and in others a profuse sweat, carried it off. It +was attended, however, with a very ridiculous circumstance: every +one of the persons affected by it being suddenly taken with a fit of +tragedising, spouting iambics, and roaring out most furiously, +particularly the Andromeda {18a} of Euripides, and the speech of +Perseus, which they recited in most lamentable accents. The city +swarmed with these pale seventh-day patients, who, with loud voices, +were perpetually bawling out-- + + "O tyrant love, o'er gods and men supreme," etc. + +And this they continued every day for a long time, till winter and +the cold weather coming on put an end to their delirium. For this +disorder they seem, in my opinion, indebted to Archelaus, a +tragedian at that time in high estimation, who, in the middle of +summer, at the very hottest season {18b} of the year, exhibited the +Andromeda, which had such an effect on the spectators that several +of them, as soon as they rose up from it, fell insensibly into the +tragedising vein; the Andromeda naturally occurring to their +memories, and Perseus, with his Medusa, still hovering round them. + +Now if, as they say, one may compare great things with small, this +Abderian disorder seems to have seized on many of our literati of +the present age; not that it sets them on acting tragedies (for the +folly would not be so great in repeating other people's verses, +especially if they were good ones), but ever since the war was begun +against the barbarians, the defeat in Armenia, {19a} and the +victories consequent on it, not one is there amongst us who does not +write a history; or rather, I may say, we are all Thucydideses, +Herodotuses, and Xenophons. Well may they say war is the parent of +all things, {19b} when one action can make so many historians. This +puts me in mind of what happened at Sinope. {20a} When the +Corinthians heard that Philip was going to attack them, they were +all alarmed, and fell to work, some brushing up their arms, others +bringing stones to prop up their walls and defend their bulwarks, +every one, in short, lending a hand. Diogenes observing this, and +having nothing to do (for nobody employed him), tucked up his robe, +and, with all his might, fell a rolling his tub which he lived in up +and down the Cranium. {20b} "What are you about?" said one of his +friends. "Rolling my tub," replied he, "that whilst everybody is +busy around me, I may not be the only idle person in the kingdom." +In like manner, I, my dear Philo, being very loath in this noisy age +to make no noise at all, or to act the part of a mute in the comedy, +think it highly proper that I should roll my tub also; not that I +mean to write history myself, or be a narrator of facts; you need +not fear me, I am not so rash, knowing the danger too well if I roll +it amongst the stones, especially such a tub as mine, which is not +over-strong, so that the least pebble I strike against would dash it +in pieces. I will tell you, however, what my design is--how I mean +to be present at the battle and yet keep out of the reach of danger. +I intend to shelter myself from the waves and the smoke, {21} and +the cares that writers are liable to, and only give them a little +good advice and a few precepts; to have, in short, some little hand +in the building, though I do not expect my name will be inscribed on +it, as I shall but just touch the mortar with the tip of my finger. + +There are many, I know, who think there is no necessity for +instruction at all with regard to this business, any more than there +is for walking, seeing, or eating, and that it is the easiest thing +in the world for a man to write history if he can but say what comes +uppermost. But you, my friend, are convinced that it is no such +easy matter, nor should it be negligently and carelessly performed; +but that, on the other hand, if there be anything in the whole +circle of literature that requires more than ordinary care and +attention, it is undoubtedly this. At least, if a man would wish, +as Thucydides says, to labour for posterity. I very well know that +I cannot attack so many without rendering myself obnoxious to some, +especially those whose histories are already finished and made +public; even if what I say should be approved by them, it would be +madness to expect that they should retract anything or alter that +which had been once established and, as it were, laid up in royal +repositories. It may not be amiss, however, to give them these +instructions, that in case of another war, the Getae against the +Gauls, or the Indians, perhaps, against the barbarians (for with +regard to ourselves there is no danger, our enemies being all +subdued), by applying these rules if they like them, they may know +better how to write for the future. If they do not choose this, +they may even go on by their old measure; the physician will not +break his heart if all the people of Abdera follow their own +inclination and continue to act the Andromeda. {23} + +Criticism is twofold: that which teaches us what we are to choose, +and that which teaches us what to avoid. We will begin with the +last, and consider what those faults are which a writer of history +should be free from; next, what it is that will lead him into the +right path, how he should begin, what order and method he should +observe, what he should pass over in silence, and what he should +dwell upon, how things may be best illustrated and connected. Of +these, and such as these, we will speak hereafter; in the meantime +let us point out the faults which bad writers are most generally +guilty of, the blunders which they commit in language, composition, +and sentiment, with many other marks of ignorance, which it would be +tedious to enumerate, and belong not to our present argument. The +principal faults, as I observed to you, are in the language and +composition. + +You will find on examination, that history in general has a great +many of this kind, which, if you listen to them all, you will be +sufficiently convinced of; and for this purpose it may not be +unseasonable to recollect some of them by way of example. And the +first that I shall mention is that intolerable custom which most of +them have of omitting facts, and dwelling for ever on the praises of +their generals and commanders, extolling to the skies their own +leaders, and degrading beyond measure those of their enemies, not +knowing how much history differs from panegyric, that there is a +great wall between them, or that, to use a musical phrase, they are +a double octave {24a} distant from each other; the sole business of +the panegyrist is, at all events and by every means, to extol and +delight the object of his praise, and it little concerns him whether +it be true or not. But history will not admit the least degree of +falsehood any more than, as physicians say, the wind-pipe {24b} can +receive into it any kind of food. + +These men seem not to know that poetry has its particular rules and +precepts; and that history is governed by others directly opposite. +That with regard to the former, the licence is immoderate, and there +is scarce any law but what the poet prescribes to himself. When he +is full of the Deity, and possessed, as it were, by the Muses, if he +has a mind to put winged horses {25a} to his chariot, and drive some +through the waters, and others over the tops of unbending corn, +there is no offence taken. Neither, if his Jupiter {25b} hangs the +earth and sea at the end of a chain, are we afraid that it should +break and destroy us all. If he wants to extol Agamemnon, who shall +forbid his bestowing on him the head and eyes of Jupiter, the breast +of his brother Neptune, and the belt of Mars? The son of Atreus and +AErope must be a composition of all the gods; nor are Jupiter, Mars, +and Neptune sufficient, perhaps, of themselves to give us an idea of +his perfection. But if history admits any adulation of this kind, +it becomes a sort of prosaic poetry, without its numbers or +magnificence; a heap of monstrous stories, only more conspicuous by +their incredibility. He is unpardonable, therefore, who cannot +distinguish one from the other; but lays on history the paint of +poetry, its flattery, fable, and hyperbole: it is just as +ridiculous as it would be to clothe one of our robust wrestlers, who +is as hard as an oak, in fine purple, or some such meretricious +garb, and put paint {26} on his cheeks; how would such ornaments +debase and degrade him! I do not mean by this, that in history we +are not to praise sometimes, but it must be done at proper seasons, +and in a proper degree, that it may not offend the readers of future +ages; for future ages must be considered in this affair, as I shall +endeavour to prove hereafter. + +Those, I must here observe, are greatly mistaken who divide history +into two parts, the useful and the agreeable; and in consequence of +it, would introduce panegyric as always delectable and entertaining +to the reader. But the division itself is false and delusive; for +the great end and design of history is to be useful: a species of +merit which can only arise from its truth. If the agreeable +follows, so much the better, as there may be beauty in a wrestler. +And yet Hercules would esteem the brave though ugly Nicostratus as +much as the beautiful Alcaeus. And thus history, when she adds +pleasure to utility, may attract more admirers; though as long as +she is possessed of that greatest of perfections, truth, she need +not be anxious concerning beauty. + +In history, nothing fabulous can be agreeable; and flattery is +disgusting to all readers, except the very dregs of the people; good +judges look with the eyes of Argus on every part, reject everything +that is false and adulterated, and will admit nothing but what is +true, clear, and well expressed. These are the men you are to have +a regard to when you write, rather than the vulgar, though your +flattery should delight them ever so much. If you stuff history +with fulsome encomiums and idle tales, you will make her like +Hercules in Lydia, as you may have seen him painted, waiting upon +Omphale, who is dressed in the lion's skin, with his club in her +hand; whilst he is represented clothed in yellow and purple, and +spinning, and Omphale beating him with her slipper; a ridiculous +spectacle, wherein everything manly and godlike is sunk and degraded +to effeminacy. + +The multitude perhaps, indeed, may admire such things; but the +judicious few whose opinion you despise will always laugh at what is +absurd, incongruous, and inconsistent. Everything has a beauty +peculiar to itself; but if you put one instead of another, the most +beautiful becomes ugly, because it is not in its proper place. I +need not add, that praise is agreeable only to the person praised, +and disgustful to everybody else, especially when it is lavishly +bestowed; as is the practice of most writers, who are so extremely +desirous of recommending themselves by flattery, and dwell so much +upon it as to convince the reader it is mere adulation, which they +have not art enough to conceal, but heap up together, naked, +uncovered, and totally incredible, so that they seldom gain what +they expected from it; for the person flattered, if he has anything +noble or manly in him, only abhors and despises them for it as mean +parasites. Aristobulus, after he had written an account of the +single combat between Alexander and Porus, showed that monarch a +particular part of it, wherein, the better to get into his good +graces, he had inserted a great deal more than was true; when +Alexander seized the book and threw it (for they happened at that +time to be sailing on the Hydaspes) directly into the river: +"Thus," said he, "ought you to have been served yourself for +pretending to describe my battles, and killing half a dozen +elephants for me with a single spear." This anger was worthy of +Alexander, of him who could not bear the adulation of that architect +{29} who promised to transform Mount Athos into a statue of him; but +he looked upon the man from that time as a base flatterer, and never +employed him afterwards. + +What is there in this custom, therefore, that can be agreeable, +unless to the proud and vain; to deformed men or ugly women, who +insist on being painted handsome, and think they shall look better +if the artist gives them a little more red and white! Such, for the +most part, are the historians of our times, who sacrifice everything +to the present moment and their own interest and advantage; who can +only be despised as ignorant flatterers of the age they live in; and +as men, who, at the same time, by their extravagant stories, make +everything which they relate liable to suspicion. If +notwithstanding any are still of opinion, that the agreeable should +be admitted in history, let them join that which is pleasant with +that which is true, by the beauties of style and diction, instead of +foisting in, as is commonly done, what is nothing to the purpose. + +I will now acquaint you with some things I lately picked up in Ionia +and Achaia, from several historians, who gave accounts of this war. +By the graces I beseech you to give me credit for what I am going to +tell you, as I could swear to the truth of it, if it were polite to +swear in a dissertation. One of these gentlemen begins by invoking +the Muses, and entreats the goddesses to assist him in the +performance. What an excellent setting out and how properly is this +form of speech adapted to history! A little farther on, he compares +our emperor to Achilles, and the Persian king to Thersites; not +considering that his Achilles would have been a much greater man if +he had killed Hector rather than Thersites; if the brave should fly, +he who pursues must be braver. Then follows an encomium on himself, +showing how worthy he is to recite such noble actions; and when he +is got on a little, he extols his own country, Miletus, adding that +in this he had acted better than Homer, who never tells us where he +was born. He informs us, moreover, at the end of his preface, in +the most plain and positive terms, that he shall take care to make +the best he can of our own affairs, and, as far as lies in his +power, to get the upper hand of our enemies the barbarians. After +investigating the cause of the war, he begins thus: "That vilest of +all wretches, Vologesus, entered upon the war for these reasons." +Such is this historian's manner. Another, a close imitator of +Thucydides, that he may set out as his master does, gives us an +exordium that smells of the true Attic honey, and begins thus: +"Creperius Calpurnianus, a citizen of Pompeia, hath written the +history of the war between the Parthians and the Romans, showing how +they fought with one another, commencing at the time when it first +broke out." After this, need I inform you how he harangued in +Armenia, by another Corcyraean orator? or how, to be revenged of the +Nisibaeans for not taking part with the Romans, he sent the plague +amongst them, taking the whole from Thucydides, excepting the long +walls of Athens. He had begun from AEthiopia, descended into Egypt, +and passed over great part of the royal territory. Well it was that +he stopped there. When I left him, he was burying the miserable +Athenians at Nisibis; but as I knew what he was going to tell us, I +took my leave of him. + +Another thing very common with these historians is, by way of +imitating Thucydides, to make use of his phrases, perhaps with a +little alteration, to adopt his manner, in little modes and +expressions, such as, "you must yourself acknowledge," "for the same +reason," "a little more, and I had forgot," and the like. This same +writer, when he has occasion to mention bridges, fosses, or any of +the machines used in war, gives them Roman names; but how does it +suit the dignity of history, or resemble Thucydides, to mix the +Attic and Italian thus, as if it was ornamental and becoming? + +Another of them gives us a plain simple journal of everything that +was done, such as a common soldier might have written, or a sutler +who followed the camp. This, however, was tolerable, because it +pretended to nothing more; and might be useful by supplying +materials for some better historian. I only blame him for his +pompous introduction: "Callimorphus, physician to the sixth legion +of spearmen, his history of the Parthian war." Then his books are +all carefully numbered, and he entertains us with a most frigid +preface, which he concludes with saying that "a physician must be +the fittest of all men to write history, because AEsculapius was the +son of Apollo, and Apollo is the leader of the Muses, and the great +prince of literature." + +Besides this, after setting out in delicate Ionic, he drops, I know +not how, into the most vulgar style and expressions, used only by +the very dregs of the people. + +And here I must not pass over a certain wise man, whose name, +however, I shall not mention; his work is lately published at +Corinth, and is beyond everything one could have conceived. In the +very first sentence of his preface he takes his readers to task, and +convinces them by the most sagacious method of reasoning that "none +but a wise man should ever attempt to write history." Then comes +syllogism upon syllogism; every kind of argument is by turns made +use of, to introduce the meanest and most fulsome adulation; and +even this is brought in by syllogism and interrogation. What +appeared to me the most intolerable and unbecoming the long beard of +a philosopher, was his saying in the preface that our emperor was +above all men most happy, whose actions even philosophers did not +disdain to celebrate; surely this, if it ought to be said at all, +should have been left for us to say rather than himself. + +Neither must we here forget that historian who begins thus: "I come +to speak of the Romans and Persians;" and a little after he says, +"for the Persians ought to suffer;" and in another place, "there was +one Osroes, whom the Greeks call Oxyrrhoes," with many things of +this kind. This man is just such a one as him I mentioned before, +only that one is like Thucydides, and the other the exact +resemblance of Herodotus. + +But there is yet another writer, renowned for eloquence, another +Thucydides, or rather superior to him, who most elaborately +describes every city, mountain, field, and river, and cries out with +all his might, "May the great averter of evil turn it all on our +enemies!" This is colder than Caspian snow, or Celtic ice. The +emperor's shield takes up a whole book to describe. The Gorgon's +{35} eyes are blue, and black, and white; the serpents twine about +his hair, and his belt has all the colours of the rainbow. How many +thousand lines does it cost him to describe Vologesus's breeches and +his horse's bridle, and how Osroes' hair looked when he swam over +the Tigris, what sort of a cave he fled into, and how it was shaded +all over with ivy, and myrtle, and laurel, twined together. You +plainly see how necessary this was to the history, and that we could +not possibly have understood what was going forward without it. + +From inability, and ignorance of everything useful, these men are +driven to descriptions of countries and caverns, and when they come +into a multiplicity of great and momentous affairs, are utterly at a +loss. Like a servant enriched on a sudden by coming into his +master's estate, who does not know how to put on his clothes, or to +eat as he should do; but when fine birds, fat sows, and hares are +placed before him, falls to and eats till he bursts, of salt meat +and pottage. The writer I just now mentioned describes the +strangest wounds, and the most extraordinary deaths you ever heard +of; tells us of a man's being wounded in the great toe, and expiring +immediately; and how on Priscus, the general, bawling out loud, +seven-and-twenty of the enemy fell down dead upon the spot. He has +told lies, moreover, about the number of the slain, in contradiction +to the account given in by the leaders. He will have it that +seventy thousand two hundred and thirty-six of the enemy died at +Europus, and of the Romans only two, and nine wounded. Surely +nobody in their senses can bear this. + +Another thing should be mentioned here also, which is no little +fault. From the affectation of Atticism, and a more than ordinary +attention to purity of diction, he has taken the liberty to turn the +Roman names into Greek, to call Saturninus, [Greek], Chronius; +Fronto, [Greek], Frontis; Titianus, [Greek], Titanius, and others +still more ridiculous. With regard to the death of Severian, he +informs us that everybody else was mistaken when they imagined that +he perished by the sword, for that the man starved himself to death, +as he thought that the easiest way of dying; not knowing (which was +the case) that he could only have fasted three days, whereas many +have lived without food for seven; unless we are to suppose that +Osroes stood waiting till Severian had starved himself completely, +and for that reason he would not live out the whole week. + +But in what class, my dear Philo, shall we rank those historians who +are perpetually making use of poetical expressions, such as "the +engine crushed, the wall thundered," and in another place, "Edessa +resounded with the shock of arms, and all was noise and tumult +around;" and again, "often the leader in his mind revolved how best +he might approach the wall." At the same time amongst these were +interspersed some of the meanest and most beggarly phrases, such as +"the leader of the army epistolised his master," "the soldiers +bought utensils," "they washed and waited on them," with many other +things of the same kind, like a tragedian with a high cothurnus on +one foot and a slipper on the other. You will meet with many of +these writers, who will give you a fine heroic long preface, that +makes you hope for something extraordinary to follow, when after +all, the body of the history shall be idle, weak, and trifling, such +as puts you in mind of a sporting Cupid, who covers his head with +the mask of a Hercules or Titan. The reader immediately cries out, +"The mountain {39} has brought forth!" Certainly it ought not to be +so; everything should be alike and of the same colour; the body +fitted to the head, not a golden helmet, with a ridiculous breast- +plate made of stinking skins, shreds, and patches, a basket shield, +and hog-skin boots; and yet numbers of them put the head of a +Rhodian Colossus on the body of a dwarf, whilst others show you a +body without a head, and step directly into the midst of things, +bringing in Xenophon for their authority, who begins with "Darius +and Parysatis had two sons;" so likewise have other ancient writers; +not considering that the narration itself may sometimes supply the +place of preface, or exordium, though it does not appear to the +vulgar eye, as we shall show hereafter. + +All this, however, with regard to style and composition, may be +borne with, but when they misinform us about places, and make +mistakes, not of a few leagues, but whole day's journeys, what shall +we say to such historians? One of them, who never, we may suppose, +so much as conversed with a Syrian, or picked up anything concerning +them in the barbers' {40} shop, when he speaks of Europus, tells us, +"it is situated in Mesopotamia, two days' journey from Euphrates, +and was built by the Edessenes." Not content with this, the same +noble writer has taken away my poor country, Samosata, and carried +it off, tower, bulwarks, and all, to Mesopotamia, where he says it +is shut up between two rivers, which at least run close to, if they +do not wash the walls of it. After this, it would be to no purpose, +my dear Philo, for me to assure you that I am not from Parthia, nor +do I belong to Mesopotamia, of which this admirable historian has +thought fit to make me an inhabitant. + +What he tells us of Severian, and which he swears he heard from +those who were eye-witnesses of it, is no doubt extremely probable; +that he did not choose to drink poison, or to hang himself, but was +resolved to find out some new and tragical way of dying; that +accordingly, having some large cups of very fine glass, as soon as +he had taken the resolution to finish himself, he broke one of them +in pieces, and with a fragment of it cut his throat; he would not +make use of sword or spear, that his death might be more noble and +heroic. + +To complete all, because Thucydides {41} made a funeral oration on +the heroes who fell at the beginning of the Peloponnesian war, he +also thought something should be said of Severian. These +historians, you must know, will always have a little struggle with +Thucydides, though he had nothing to do with the war in Armenia; our +writer, therefore, after burying Severian most magnificently, places +at his sepulchre one Afranius Silo, a centurion, the rival of +Pericles, who spoke so fine a declamation upon him as, by heaven, +made me laugh till I cried again, particularly when the orator +seemed deeply afflicted, and with tears in his eyes, lamented the +sumptuous entertainments and drinking bouts which he should no more +partake of. To crown all with an imitation of Ajax, {42} the orator +draws his sword, and, as it became the noble Afranius, before all +the assembly, kills himself at the tomb. So Mars defend me! but he +deserved to die much sooner for making such a declamation. When +those, says he, who were present beheld this, they were filled with +admiration, and beyond measure extolled Afranius. For my own part, +I pitied him for the loss of the cakes and dishes which he so +lamented, and only blamed him for not destroying the writer of the +history before he made an end of himself. + +Others there are who, from ignorance and want of skill, not knowing +what should be mentioned, and what passed over in silence, entirely +omit or slightly run through things of the greatest consequence, and +most worthy of attention, whilst they most copiously describe and +dwell upon trifles; which is just as absurd as it would be not to +take notice of or admire the wonderful beauty of the Olympian +Jupiter, {43} and at the same time to be lavish in our praises of +the fine polish, workmanship, and proportion of the base and +pedestal. + +I remember one of these who despatches the battle at Europus in +seven lines, and spends some hundreds in a long frigid narration, +that is nothing to the purpose, showing how "a certain Moorish +cavalier, wandering on the mountains in search of water, lit on some +Syrian rustics, who helped him to a dinner; how they were afraid of +him at first, but afterwards became intimately acquainted with him, +and received him with hospitality; for one of them, it seems, had +been in Mauritania, where his brother bore arms." Then follows a +long tale, "how he hunted in Mauritania, and saw several elephants +feeding together; how he had like to have been devoured by a lion; +and how many fish he bought at Caesarea." This admirable historian +takes no notice of the battle, the attacks or defences, the truces, +the guards on each side, or anything else; but stands from morning +to night looking upon Malchion, the Syrian, who buys cheap fish at +Caesarea: if night had not come on, I suppose he would have supped +there, as the chars {44} were ready. If these things had not been +carefully recorded in the history we should have been sadly in the +dark, and the Romans would have had an insufferable loss, if +Mausacas, the thirsty Moor, could have found nothing to drink, or +returned to the camp without his supper; not to mention here, what +is still more ridiculous, as how "a piper came up to them out of the +neighbouring village, and how they made presents to each other, +Mausacas giving Malchion a spear, and Malchion presenting Mausacas +with a buckle." Such are the principal occurrences in the history +of the battle of Europus. One may truly say of such writers that +they never saw the roses on the tree, but took care to gather the +prickles that grew at the bottom of it. + +Another of them, who had never set a foot out of Corinth, or seen +Syria or Armenia, begins thus: "It is better to trust our eyes than +our ears; I write, therefore, what I have seen, and not what I have +heard;" he saw everything so extremely well that he tells us, "the +Parthian dragons (which amongst them signifies no more than a great +number, {45} for one dragon brings a thousand) are live serpents of +a prodigious size, that breed in Persia, a little above Iberia; that +these are lifted up on long poles, and spread terror to a great +distance; and that when the battle begins, they let them loose on +the enemy." Many of our soldiers, he tells us, were devoured by +them, and a vast number pressed to death by being locked in their +embraces: this he beheld himself from the top of a high tree, to +which he had retired for safety. Well it was for us that he so +prudently determined not to come nigh them; we might otherwise have +lost this excellent writer, who with his own brave hand performed +such feats in this battle; for he went through many dangers, and was +wounded somewhere about Susa, I suppose, in his journey from Cranium +to Lerna. All this he recited to the Corinthians, who very well +knew that he had never so much as seen a view of this battle painted +on a wall; neither did he know anything of arms, or military +machines, the method of disposing troops, or even the proper names +of them. {46} + +Another famous writer has given an account of everything that +passed, from beginning to end, in Armenia, Syria, Mesopotamia, upon +the Tigris, and in Media, and all in less than five hundred lines; +and when he had done this, tells us, he has written a history. The +title, which is almost as long as the work, runs thus: "A narrative +of everything done by the Romans in Armenia, Media, and Mesopotamia, +by Antiochianus, who gained a prize in the sacred games of Apollo." +I suppose, when he was a boy, he had conquered in a running match. + +I have heard of another likewise, who wrote a history of what was to +happen hereafter, {47} and describes the taking of Vologesus +prisoner, the murder of Osroes, and how he was to be given to a +lion; and above all, our own much-to-be-wished-for triumph, as +things that must come to pass. Thus prophesying away, he soon got +to the end of the story. He has built, moreover, a new city in +Mesopotamia, most magnificently magnificent, and most beautifully +beautiful, and is considering with himself whether he shall call it +Victoria, from victory, or the City of Concord, or Peace, which of +them, however, is not yet determined, and this fine city must remain +without a name, filled as it is with nothing but this writer's folly +and nonsense. He is now going about a long voyage, and to give us a +description of what is to be done in India; and this is more than a +promise, for the preface is already made, and the third legion, the +Gauls, and a small part of the Mauritanian forces under Cassius, +have already passed the river; what they will do afterwards, or how +they will succeed against the elephants, it will be some time before +our wonderful writer can be able to learn, either from Mazuris or +the Oxydraci. + +Thus do these foolish fellows trifle with us, neither knowing what +is fit to be done, nor if they did, able to execute it, at the same +time determined to say anything that comes into their ridiculous +heads; affecting to be grand and pompous, even in their titles: of +"the Parthian victories so many books;" Parthias, says another, like +Atthis; another more elegantly calls his book the Parthonicica of +Demetrius. + +I could mention many more of equal merit with these, but shall now +proceed to make my promise good, and give some instructions how to +write better. I have not produced these examples merely to laugh at +and ridicule these noble histories; but with the view of real +advantages, that he who avoids their errors, may himself learn to +write well--if it be true, as the logicians assert, that of two +opposites, between which there is no medium, the one being taken +away, the other must remain. {49} + +Somebody, perhaps, will tell me that the field is now cleansed and +weeded, that the briars and brambles are cut up, the rubbish cleared +off, and the rough path made smooth; that I ought therefore to build +something myself, to show that I not only can pull down the +structures of others, but am able to raise up and invent a work +truly great and excellent, which nobody could find fault with, nor +Momus himself turn into ridicule. + +I say, therefore, that he who would write history well must be +possessed of these two principal qualifications, a fine +understanding and a good style: one is the gift of nature, and +cannot be taught; the other may be acquired by frequent exercise, +perpetual labour and an emulation of the ancients. To make men +sensible and sagacious, who were not born so, is more than I pretend +to; to create and new-model things in this manner would be a +glorious thing indeed; but one might as easily make gold out of +lead, silver out of tin, a Titornus out of a Conon, or a Milo out of +a Leotrophides. {50} + +What then is in the power of art or instruction to perform? not to +create qualities and perfections already bestowed, but to teach the +proper use of them; for as Iccus, Herodicus, Theon, {51} or any +other famous wrestler, would not promise to make Antiochus a +conqueror in the Olympic games, or equal to a Theagenes, or +Polydamas; but only that where a man had natural abilities for this +exercise he could, by his instruction, render him a greater +proficient in it: far be it from me, also, to promise the invention +of an art so difficult as this, nor do I say that I can make anybody +an historian; but that I will point out to one of good +understanding, and who has been in some measure used to writing, +certain proper paths (if such they appear to him), which if any man +shall tread in, he may with greater ease and despatch do what he +ought to do, and attain the end which he is in pursuit of. + +Neither can it be here asserted, be he ever so sensible or +sagacious, that he doth not stand in need of assistance with regard +to those things which he is ignorant of; otherwise he might play on +the flute or any other instrument, who had never learned, and +perform just as well; but without teaching, the hands will do +nothing; whereas, if there be a master, we quickly learn, and are +soon able to play by ourselves. + +Give me a scholar, therefore, who is able to think and to write, to +look with an eye of discernment into things, and to do business +himself, if called upon, who hath both civil and military knowledge; +one, moreover, who has been in camps, and has seen armies in the +field and out of it; knows the use of arms, and machines, and +warlike engines of every kind; can tell what the front, and what the +horn is, how the ranks are to be disposed, how the horse is to be +directed, and from whence to advance or to retreat; one, in short, +who does not stay at home and trust to the reports of others: but, +above all, let him be of a noble and liberal mind; let him neither +fear nor hope for anything; otherwise he will only resemble those +unjust judges who determine from partiality or prejudice, and give +sentence for hire: but, whatever the man is, as such let him be +described. The historian must not care for Philip, when he loses +his eye by the arrow of Aster, {53a} at Olynthus, nor for Alexander, +when he so cruelly killed Clytus at the banquet: Cleon must not +terrify him, powerful as he was in the senate, and supreme at the +tribunal, nor prevent his recording him as a furious and pernicious +man; the whole city of Athens must not stop his relation of the +Sicilian slaughter, the seizure of Demosthenes, {53b} the death of +Nicias, their violent thirst, the water which they drank, and the +death of so many of them whilst they were drinking it. He will +imagine (which will certainly be the case) that no man in his senses +will blame him for recording things exactly as they fell out. +However some may have miscarried by imprudence, or others by ill +fortune, he is only the relator, not the author of them. If they +are beaten in a sea-fight, it is not he who sinks them; if they fly, +it is not he who pursues them; all he can do is to wish well to, and +offer up his vows for them; but by passing over or contradicting +facts, he cannot alter or amend them. It would have been very easy +indeed for Thucydides, with a stroke of his pen, to have thrown down +the walls of Epipolis, sunk the vessel of Hermocrates, or made an +end of the execrable Gylippus, who stopped up all the avenues with +his walls and ditches; to have thrown the Syracusans on the +Lautumiae, and have let the Athenians go round Sicily and Italy, +according to the early hopes of Alcibiades: but what is past and +done Clotho cannot weave again, nor Atropos recall. + +The only business of the historian is to relate things exactly as +they are: this he can never do as long as he is afraid of +Artaxerxes, whose physician {55a} he is; as long as he looks for the +purple robe, the golden chain, or the Nisaean horse, {55b} as the +reward of his labours; but Xenophon, that just writer, will not do +this, nor Thucydides. The good historian, though he may have +private enmity against any man, will esteem the public welfare of +more consequence to him, and will prefer truth to resentment; and, +on the other hand, be he ever so fond of any man, will not spare him +when he is in the wrong; for this, as I before observed, is the most +essential thing in history, to sacrifice to truth alone, and cast +away all care for everything else. The great universal rule and +standard is, to have regard not to those who read now, but to those +who are to peruse our works hereafter. + +To speak impartially, the historians of former times were too often +guilty of flattery, and their works were little better than games +and sports, the effects of art. Of Alexander, this memorable saying +is recorded: "I should be glad," said he, "Onesicritus, after my +death, to come to life again for a little time, only to hear what +the people then living will say of me; for I am not surprised that +they praise and caress me now, as every one hopes by baiting well to +catch my favour." Though Homer wrote a great many fabulous things +concerning Achilles, the world was induced to believe him, for this +only reason, because they were written long after his death, and no +cause could be assigned why he should tell lies about him. + +The good historian, {56} then, must be thus described: he must be +fearless, uncorrupted, free, the friend of truth and of liberty; one +who, to use the words of the comic poet, calls a fig a fig, {57a} +and a skiff a skiff, neither giving nor withholding from any, from +favour or from enmity, not influenced by pity, by shame, or by +remorse; a just judge, so far benevolent to all as never to give +more than is due to any in his work; a stranger to all, of no +country, bound only by his own laws, acknowledging no sovereign, +never considering what this or that man may say of him, but relating +faithfully everything as it happened. + +This rule therefore Thucydides observed, distinguishing properly the +faults and perfections of history: not unmindful of the great +reputation which Herodotus had acquired, insomuch that his books +were called by the names of the Muses. {57b} Thucydides tells us +that he "wrote for posterity, and not for present delight; that he +by no means approved of the fabulous, but was desirous of delivering +down the truth alone to future ages." It is the useful, he adds, +which must constitute the merit of history, that by the +retrospection of what is past, when similar events occur, men may +know how to act in present exigencies. + +Such an historian would I wish to have under my care: with regard +to language and expression, I would not have it rough and vehement, +consisting of long periods, {58} or complex arguments; but soft, +quiet, smooth, and peaceable. The reflections, short and frequent, +the style clear and perspicuous; for as freedom and truth should be +the principal perfections of the writer's mind, so, with regard to +language, the great point is to make everything plain and +intelligible, not to use remote and far-fetched phrases or +expressions, at the same time avoiding such as are mean and vulgar: +let it be, in short, what the lowest may understand; and, at the +same time, the most learned cannot but approve. The whole may be +adorned with figure and metaphor, provided they are not turgid or +bombast, nor seem stiff and laboured, which, like meat too highly +seasoned, always give disgust. + +History may sometimes assume a poetical form, and rise into a +magnificence of expression, when the subject demands it; and +especially when it is describing armies, battles, and sea-fights. +The Pierian spirit {59} is wanting then to swell the sails with a +propitious breeze, and carry the lofty ship over the tops of the +waves. In general, the diction should creep humbly on the ground, +and only be raised as the grand and beautiful occurring shall +require it; keeping, in the meantime, within proper bounds, and +never soaring into enthusiasm; for then it is in danger of ranging +beyond its limits, into poetic fury: we must then pull in the rein +and act with caution, well knowing that it is the worst vice of a +writer, as well as of a horse, to be wanton and unmanageable. The +best way therefore is, whilst the mind of the historian is on +horseback, for his style to walk on foot, and take hold of the rein, +that it may not be left behind. + +With regard to composition, the words should not be so blended and +transposed as to appear harsh and uncouth; nor should you, as some +do, subject them entirely to the rhythmus; {60} one is always +faulty, and the other disagreeable to the reader. + +Facts must not be carelessly put together, but with great labour and +attention. If possible, let the historian be an eye-witness of +everything he means to record; or, if that cannot be, rely on those +only who are incorrupt, and who have no bias from passion or +prejudice, to add or to diminish anything. And here much sagacity +will be requisite to find out the real truth. When he has collected +all or most of his materials, he will first make a kind of diary, a +body whose members are not yet distinct; he will then bring it into +order and beautify it, add the colouring of style and language, +adopt his expression to the subject, and harmonise the several parts +of it; then, like Homer's Jupiter, {61} who casts his eye sometimes +on the Thracian, and sometimes on the Mysian forces, he beholds now +the Roman, and now the Persian armies, now both, if they are +engaged, and relates what passes in them. Whilst they are +embattled, his eye is not fixed on any particular part, nor on any +one leader, unless, perhaps, a Brasidas {62a} steps forth to scale +the walls, or a Demosthenes to prevent him. To the generals he +gives his first attention, listens to their commands, their +counsels, and their determination; and, when they come to the +engagement, he weighs in equal scale the actions of both, and +closely attends the pursuer and the pursued, the conqueror and the +conquered. All this must be done with temper and moderation, so as +not to satiate or tire, not inartificially, not childishly, but with +ease and grace. When these things are properly taken care of, he +may turn aside to others, ever ready and prepared for the present +event, keeping time, {62b} as it were, with every circumstance and +event: flying from Armenia to Media, and from thence with +clattering wings to Italy, or to Iberia, that not a moment may +escape him. + +The mind of the historian should resemble a looking-glass, shining +clear and exactly true, representing everything as it really is, and +nothing distorted, or of a different form or colour. He writes not +to the masters of eloquence, but simply relates what is done. It is +not his to consider what he shall say, but only how it is to be +said. He may be compared to Phidias, Praxiteles, Alcamenus, or +other eminent artists; for neither did they make the gold, the +silver, the ivory, or any of the materials which they worked upon. +These were supplied by the Elians, the Athenians, and Argives; their +only business was to cut and polish the ivory, to spread the gold +into various forms, and join them together; their art was properly +to dispose what was put into their hands; and such is the work of +the historians, to dispose and adorn the actions of men, and to make +them known with clearness and precision: to represent what he hath +heard, as if he had been himself an eye-witness of it. To perform +this well, and gain the praise resulting from it, is the business of +our historical Phidias. + +When everything is thus prepared, he may begin if he pleases without +preface or exordium, unless the subject particularly demands it; he +may supply the place of one, by informing us what he intends to +write upon, in the beginning of the work itself: if, however, he +makes use of any preface, he need not divide it as our orators do, +into three parts, but confine it to two, leaving out his address to +the benevolence of his readers, and only soliciting their attention +and complacency: their attention he may be assured of, if he can +convince them that he is about to speak of things great, or +necessary, or interesting, or useful; nor need he fear their want of +complacency, if he clearly explains to them the causes of things, +and gives them the heads of what he intends to treat of. + +Such are the exordiums which our best historians have made use of. +Herodotus tells us, "he wrote his history, lest in process of time +the memory should be lost of those things which in themselves were +great and wonderful, which showed forth the victories of Greece, and +the slaughter of the barbarians;" and Thucydides sets out with +saying, "he thought that war most worthy to be recorded, as greater +than any which had before happened; and that, moreover, some of the +greatest misfortunes had accompanied it." The exordium, in short, +may be lengthened or contracted according to the subject matter, and +the transition from thence to the narration easy and natural. The +body of the history is only a long narrative, and as such it must go +on with a soft and even motion, alike in every part, so that nothing +should stand too forward, or retreat too far behind. Above all, the +style should be clear and perspicuous, which can only arise, as I +before observed, from a harmony in the composition: one thing +perfected, the next which succeeds should be coherent with it; knit +together, as it were, by one common chain, which must never be +broken: they must not be so many separate and distinct narratives, +but each so closely united to what follows, as to appear one +continued series. + +Brevity is always necessary, especially when you have a great deal +to say, and this must be proportioned to the facts and circumstances +which you have to relate. In general, you must slightly run through +little things, and dwell longer on great ones. When you treat your +friends, you give them boars, hares, and other dainties; you would +not offer them beans, saperda, {66a} or any other common food. + +When you describe mountains, rivers, and bulwarks, avoid all pomp +and ostentation, as if you meant to show your own eloquence; pass +over these things as slightly as you can, and rather aim at being +useful and intelligible. Observe how the great and sublime Homer +acts on these occasions! as great a poet as he is, he says nothing +about Tantalus, Ixion, Tityus, and the rest of them. But if +Parthenius, Euphorion, or Callimachus, had treated this subject, +what a number of verses they would have spent in rolling Ixion's +wheel, and bringing the water up to the very lips of Tantalus! +Mark, also, how quickly Thucydides, who is very sparing {66b} of his +descriptions, breaks off when he gives an account of any military +machine, explains the manner of a siege, even though it be ever so +useful and necessary, or describes cities or the port of Syracuse. +Even in his narrative of the plague which seems so long, if you +consider the multiplicity of events, you will find he makes as much +haste as possible, and omits many circumstances, though he was +obliged to retain so many more. + +When it is necessary to make any one speak, you must take care to +let him say nothing but what is suitable to the person, and to what +he speaks about, and let everything be clear and intelligible: +here, indeed, you may be permitted to play the orator, and show the +power of eloquence. With regard to praise, or dispraise, you cannot +be too modest and circumspect; they should be strictly just and +impartial, short and seasonable: your evidence otherwise will not +be considered as legal, and you will incur the same censure as +Theopompus {67} did, who finds fault with everybody from enmity and +ill-nature; and dwells so perpetually on this, that he seems rather +to be an accuser than an historian. + +If anything occurs that is very extraordinary or incredible, you may +mention without vouching for the truth of it, leaving everybody to +judge for themselves concerning it: by taking no part yourself, you +will remain safe. + +Remember, above all, and throughout your work, again and again, I +must repeat it, that you write not with a view to the present times +only, that the age you live in may applaud and esteem you, but with +an eye fixed on posterity; from future ages expect your reward, that +men may say of you, "that man was full of honest freedom, never +flattering or servile, but in all things the friend of truth." This +commendation, the wise man will prefer to all the vain hopes of this +life, which are but of short duration. + +Recollect the story of the Cnidian architect, when he built the +tower in Pharos, where the fire is kindled to prevent mariners from +running on the dangerous rocks of Paraetonia, that most noble and +most beautiful of all works; he carved his own name on a part of the +rock on the inside, then covered it over with mortar, and inscribed +on it the name of the reigning sovereign: well knowing that, as it +afterwards happened, in a short space of time these letters would +drop off with the mortar, and discover under it this inscription: +"Sostratus the Cnidian, son of Dexiphanes, to those gods who +preserve the mariner." Thus had he regard not to the times he lived +in, not to his own short existence, but to the present period, and +to all future ages, even as long as his tower shall stand, and his +art remain upon earth. + +Thus also should history be written, rather anxious to gain the +approbation of posterity by truth and merit, than to acquire present +applause by adulation and falsehood. + +Such are the rules which I would prescribe to the historian, and +which will contribute to the perfection of his work, if he thinks +proper to observe them; if not, at least, I have rolled my tub. {69} + + + +THE TRUE HISTORY. + + + +BOOK I. + + +Lucian's True History is, as the author himself acknowledges in the +Preface to it, a collection of ingenious lies, calculated +principally to amuse the reader, not without several allusions, as +he informs us, to the works of ancient Poets, Historians, and +Philosophers, as well as, most probably, the performances of +contemporary writers, whose absurdities are either obliquely glanced +at, or openly ridiculed and exposed. We cannot but lament that the +humour of the greatest part of these allusions must be lost to us, +the works themselves being long since buried in oblivion. Lucian's +True History, therefore, like the Duke of Buckingham's Rehearsal, +cannot be half so agreeable as when it was first written; there is, +however, enough remaining to secure it from contempt. The vein of +rich fancy, and wildness of a luxuriant imagination, which run +through the whole, sufficiently point out the author as a man of +uncommon genius and invention. The reader will easily perceive that +Bergerac, Swift, and other writers have read this work of Lucian's, +and are much indebted to him for it. + + +PREFACE. + + +As athletics of all kinds hold it necessary, not only to prepare the +body by exercise and discipline, but sometimes to give it proper +relaxation, which they esteem no less requisite, so do I think it +highly necessary also for men of letters, after their severer +studies, to relax a little, that they may return to them with the +greater pleasure and alacrity; and for this purpose there is no +better repose than that which arises from the reading of such books +as not only by their humour and pleasantry may entertain them, but +convey at the same time some useful instruction, both which, I +flatter myself, the reader will meet with in the following history; +for he will not only be pleased with the novelty of the plan, and +the variety of lies, which I have told with an air of truth, but +with the tacit allusions so frequently made, not, I trust, without +some degree of humour, to our ancient poets, historians, and +philosophers, who have told us some most miraculous and incredible +stories, and which I should have pointed out to you, but that I +thought they would be sufficiently visible on the perusal. + +Ctesias the Cnidian, son of Ctesiochus, wrote an account of India +and of things there, which he never saw himself, nor heard from +anybody else. Iambulus also has acquainted us with many wonders +which he met with in the great sea, and which everybody knew to be +absolute falsehoods: the work, however, was not unentertaining. +Besides these, many others have likewise presented us with their own +travels and peregrinations, where they tell us of wondrous large +beasts, savage men, and unheard-of ways of living. The great leader +and master of all this rhodomontade is Homer's "Ulysses," who talks +to Alcinous about the winds {75} pent up in bags, man-eaters, and +one-eyed Cyclops, wild men, creatures with many heads, several of +his companions turned into beasts by enchantment, and a thousand +things of this kind, which he related to the ignorant and credulous +Phaeacians. + +These, notwithstanding, I cannot think much to blame for their +falsehoods, seeing that the custom has been sometimes authorised, +even by the pretenders to philosophy: I only wonder that they +should ever expect to be believed: being, however, myself incited, +by a ridiculous vanity, with the desire of transmitting something to +posterity, that I may not be the only man who doth not indulge +himself in the liberty of fiction, as I could not relate anything +true (for I know of nothing at present worthy to be recorded), I +turned my thoughts towards falsehood, a species of it, however, much +more excusable than that of others, as I shall at least say one +thing true, when I tell you that I lie, and shall hope to escape the +general censure, by acknowledging that I mean to speak not a word of +truth throughout. Know ye, therefore, that I am going to write +about what I never saw myself, nor experienced, nor so much as heard +from anybody else, and, what is more, of such things as neither are, +nor ever can be. I give my readers warning, therefore, not to +believe me. + + * * * * + +Once upon a time, {77} then, I set sail from the Pillars of +Hercules, and getting into the Western Ocean, set off with a +favourable wind; the cause of my peregrination was no more than a +certain impatience of mind and thirst after novelty, with a desire +of knowing where the sea ended, and what kind of men inhabited the +several shores of it; for this purpose I laid in a large stock of +provisions, and as much water as I thought necessary, taking along +with me fifty companions of the same mind as myself. I prepared +withal, a number of arms, with a skilful pilot, whom we hired at a +considerable expense, and made our ship (for it was a pinnace), as +tight as we could in case of a long and dangerous voyage. + +We sailed on with a prosperous gale for a day and a night, but being +still in sight of land, did not make any great way; the next day, +however, at sun-rising, the wind springing up, the waves ran high, +it grew dark, and we could not unfurl a sail; we gave ourselves up +to the winds and waves, and were tossed about in a storm, which +raged with great fury for threescore and nineteen days, but on the +eightieth the sun shone bright, and we saw not far from us an +island, high and woody, with the sea round it quite calm and placid, +for the storm was over: we landed, got out, and happy to escape +from our troubles, laid ourselves down on the ground for some time, +after which we arose, and choosing out thirty of our company to take +care of the vessel, I remained on shore with the other twenty, in +order to take a view of the interior part of the island. + +About three stadia from the sea, as we passed through a wood, we +found a pillar of brass, with a Greek inscription on it, the +characters almost effaced; we could make out however these words, +"thus far came Hercules and Bacchus:" near it were the marks of two +footsteps on a rock, one of them measured about an acre, the other +something less; the smaller one appeared to me to be that of +Bacchus, the larger that of Hercules; we paid our adorations to the +deities and proceeded. We had not got far before we met with a +river, which seemed exactly to resemble wine, particularly that of +Chios; {79} it was of a vast extent, and in many places navigable; +this circumstance induced us to give more credit to the inscription +on the pillar, when we perceived such visible marks of Bacchus's +presence here. As I had a mind to know whence this river sprung, I +went back to the place from which it seemed to arise, but could not +trace the spring; I found, however, several large vines full of +grapes, at the root of every one the wine flowed in great abundance, +and from them I suppose the river was collected. We saw a great +quantity of fish in it which were extremely like wine, both in taste +and colour, and after we had taken and eaten a good many of them we +found ourselves intoxicated; and when we cut them up, observed that +they were full of grape stones; it occurred to us afterwards that we +should have mixed them with some water fish, as by themselves they +tasted rather too strong of the wine. + +We passed the river in a part of it which was fordable, and a little +farther on met with a most wonderful species of vine, the bottoms of +them that touched the earth were green and thick, and all the upper +part most beautiful women, with the limbs perfect from the waist, +only that from the tops of the fingers branches sprung out full of +grapes, just as Daphne is represented as turned into a tree when +Apollo laid hold on her; on the head, likewise, instead of hair they +had leaves and tendrils; when we came up to them they addressed us, +some in the Lydian tongue, some in the Indian, but most of them in +Greek; they would not suffer us to taste their grapes, but when +anybody attempted it, cried out as if they were hurt. + +We left them and returned to our companions in the ship. We then +took our casks, filled some of them with water, and some with wine +from the river, slept one night on shore, and the next morning set +sail, the wind being very moderate. About noon, the island being +now out of sight, on a sudden a most violent whirlwind arose, and +carried the ship above three thousand stadia, lifting it up above +the water, from whence it did not let us down again into the seas +but kept us suspended {81a} in mid air, in this manner we hung for +seven days and nights, and on the eighth beheld a large tract of +land, like an island, {81b} round, shining, and remarkably full of +light; we got on shore, and found on examination that it was +cultivated and full of inhabitants, though we could not then see any +of them. As night came on other islands appeared, some large, +others small, and of a fiery colour; there was also below these +another land with seas, woods, mountains, and cities in it, and this +we took to be our native country: as we were advancing forwards, we +were seized on a sudden by the Hippogypi, {82a} for so it seems they +were called by the inhabitants; these Hippogypi are men carried upon +vultures, which they ride as we do horses. These vultures have each +three heads, and are immensely large; you may judge of their size +when I tell you that one of their feathers is bigger than the mast +of a ship. The Hippogypi have orders, it seems, to fly round the +kingdom, and if they find any stranger, to bring him to the king: +they took us therefore, and carried us before him. As soon as he +saw us, he guessed by our garb what we were. "You are Grecians," +said he, "are you not?" We told him we were. "And how," added he, +"got ye hither through the air?" We told him everything that had +happened to us; and he, in return, related to us his own history, +and informed us, that he also was a man, that his name was Endymion, +{82b} that he had been taken away from our earth in his sleep, and +brought to this place where he reigned as sovereign. That spot, +{83a} he told us, which now looked like a moon to us, was the earth. +He desired us withal not to make ourselves uneasy, for that we +should soon have everything we wanted. "If I succeed," says he, "in +the war which I am now engaged in against the inhabitants of the +sun, you will be very happy here." We asked him then what enemies +he had, and what the quarrel was about? "Phaeton," he replied, "who +is king of the sun {83b} (for that is inhabited as well as the +moon), has been at war with us for some time past. The foundation +of it was this: I had formerly an intention of sending some of the +poorest of my subjects to establish a colony in Lucifer, which was +uninhabited: but Phaeton, out of envy, put a stop to it, by +opposing me in the mid-way with his Hippomyrmices; {84} we were +overcome and desisted, our forces at that time being unequal to +theirs. I have now, however, resolved to renew the war and fix my +colony; if you have a mind, you shall accompany us in the +expedition; I will furnish you everyone with a royal vulture and +other accoutrements; we shall set out to-morrow." "With all my +heart," said I, "whenever you please." We stayed, however, and +supped with him; and rising early the next day, proceeded with the +army, when the spies gave us notice that the enemy was approaching. +The army consisted of a hundred thousand, besides the scouts and +engineers, together with the auxiliaries, amongst whom were eighty +thousand Hippogypi, and twenty thousand who were mounted on the +Lachanopteri; {85a} these are very large birds, whose feathers are +of a kind of herb, and whose wings look like lettuces. Next to +these stood the Cinchroboli, {85b} and the Schorodomachi. {85c} Our +allies from the north were three thousand Psyllotoxotae {85d} and +five thousand Anemodromi; {85e} the former take their names from the +fleas which they ride upon, every flea being as big as twelve +elephants; the latter are foot-soldiers, and are carried about in +the air without wings, in this manner: they have large gowns +hanging down to their feet, these they tuck up and spread in a form +of a sail, and the wind drives them about like so many boats: in +the battle they generally wear targets. It was reported that +seventy thousand Strathobalani {86a} from the stars over Cappadocia +were to be there, together with five thousand Hippogerani; {86b} +these I did not see, for they never came: I shall not attempt, +therefore, to describe them; of these, however, most wonderful +things were related. + +Such were the forces of Endymion; their arms were all alike; their +helmets were made of beans, for they have beans there of a +prodigious size and strength, and their scaly breast-plates of +lupines sewed together, for the skins of their lupines are like a +horn, and impenetrable; their shields and swords the same as our +own. + +The army ranged themselves in this manner: the right wing was +formed by the Hippogypi, with the king, and round him his chosen +band to protect him, amongst which we were admitted; on the left +were the Lachanopteri; the auxiliaries in the middle, the foot were +in all about sixty thousand myriads. They have spiders, you must +know, in this country, in infinite numbers, and of pretty large +dimensions, each of them being as big as one of the islands of the +Cyclades; these were ordered to cover the air from the moon quite to +the morning star; this being immediately done, and the field of +battle prepared, the infantry was drawn up under the command of +Nycterion, the son of Eudianax. + +The left wing of the enemy, which was commanded by Phaeton himself, +consisted of the Hippomyrmices; these are large birds, and resemble +our ants, except with regard to size, the largest of them covering +two acres; these fight with their horns and were in number about +fifty thousand. In the right wing were the Aeroconopes, {87a} about +five thousand, all archers, and riding upon large gnats. To these +succeeded the Aerocoraces, {87b} light infantry, but remarkably +brave and useful warriors, for they threw out of slings exceeding +large radishes, which whoever was struck by, died immediately, a +most horrid stench exhaling from the wound; they are said, indeed, +to dip their arrows in a poisonous kind of mallow. Behind these +stood ten thousand Caulomycetes, {88a} heavy-armed soldiers, who +fight hand to hand; so called because they use shields made of +mushrooms, and spears of the stalks of asparagus. Near them were +placed the Cynobalani, {88b} about five thousand, who were sent by +the inhabitants of Sirius; these were men with dog's heads, and +mounted upon winged acorns: some of their forces did not arrive in +time; amongst whom there were to have been some slingers from the +Milky-way, together with the Nephelocentauri; {88c} they indeed came +when the first battle was over, and I wish {88d} they had never come +at all: the slingers did not appear, which, they say, so enraged +Phaeton that he set their city on fire. + +Thus prepared, the enemy began the attack: the signal being given, +and the asses braying on each side, for such are the trumpeters they +make use of on these occasions, the left wing of the Heliots, unable +to sustain the onset of our Hippogypi, soon gave way, and we pursued +them with great slaughter: their right wing, however, overcame our +left. The Aeroconopes falling upon us with astonishing force, and +advancing even to our infantry, by their assistance we recovered; +and they now began to retreat, when they found the left wing had +been beaten. The defeat then becoming general, many of them were +taken prisoners and many slain; the blood flowed in such abundance +that the clouds were tinged with it and looked red, just as they +appear to us at sunset; from thence it distilled through upon the +earth. Some such thing, I suppose, happened formerly amongst the +gods, which made Homer believe that Jove {89} rained blood at the +death of Sarpedon. + +When we returned from our pursuit of the enemy we set up two +trophies; one, on account of the infantry engagement in the spider's +web, and another in the clouds, for our battle in the air. Thus +prosperously everything went on, when our spies informed us that the +Nephelocentaurs, who should have been with Phaeton before the +battle, were just arrived: they made, indeed, as they approached +towards us, a most formidable appearance, being half winged horses +and half men; the men from the waist upwards, about as big as the +Rhodian Colossus, and the horses of the size of a common ship of +burthen. I have not mentioned the number of them, which was really +so great, that it would appear incredible: they were commanded by +Sagittarius, {90a} from the Zodiac. As soon as they learned that +their friends had been defeated they sent a message to Phaeton to +call him back, whilst they put their forces into order of battle, +and immediately fell upon the Selenites, {90b} who were unprepared +to resist them, being all employed in the division of the spoil; +they soon put them to flight, pursued the king quite to his own +city, and slew the greatest part of his birds; they then tore down +the trophies, ran over all the field woven by the spiders, and +seized me and two of my companions. Phaeton at length coming up, +they raised other trophies for themselves; as for us, we were +carried that very day to the palace of the Sun, our hands bound +behind us by a cord of the spider's web. + +The conquerors determined not to besiege the city of the Moon, but +when they returned home, resolved to build a wall between them and +the Sun, that his rays might not shine upon it; this wall was double +and made of thick clouds, so that the moon was always eclipsed, and +in perpetual darkness. Endymion, sorely distressed at these +calamities, sent an embassy, humbly beseeching them to pull down the +wall, and not to leave him in utter darkness, promising to pay them +tribute, to assist them with his forces, and never more to rebel; he +sent hostages withal. Phaeton called two councils on the affair, at +the first of which they were all inexorable, but at the second +changed their opinion; a treaty at length was agreed to on these +conditions:-- + +The Heliots {92} and their allies on one part, make the following +agreement with the Selenites and their allies on the other:--"That +the Heliots shall demolish the wall now erected between them, that +they shall make no irruptions into the territories of the Moon; and +restore the prisoners according to certain articles of ransom to be +stipulated concerning them; that the Selenites shall permit all the +other stars to enjoy their rights and privileges; that they shall +never wage war with the Heliots, but assist them whenever they shall +be invaded; that the king of the Selenites shall pay to the king of +the Heliots an annual tribute of ten thousand casks of dew, for the +insurance of which, he shall send ten thousand hostages; that they +shall mutually send out a colony to the Morning-star, in which, +whoever of either nation shall think proper, may become a member; +that the treaty shall be inscribed on a column of amber, in the +midst of the air, and on the borders of the two kingdoms. This +treaty was sworn to on the part of the Heliots, by Pyronides, {93} +and Therites, and Phlogius; and on the part of the Selenites, by +Nyctor, and Menarus, and Polylampus." + +Such was the peace made between them; the wall was immediately +pulled down, and we were set at liberty. When we returned to the +Moon, our companions met and embraced us, shedding tears of joy, as +did Endymion also. He intreated us to remain there, or to go along +with the new colony; this I could by no means be persuaded to, but +begged he would let us down into the sea. As he found I could not +be prevailed on to stay, after feasting us most nobly for seven +days, he dismissed us. + +I will now tell you every thing which I met with in the Moon that +was new and extraordinary. Amongst them, when a man grows old he +does not die, but dissolves into smoke and turns to air. They all +eat the same food, which is frogs roasted on the ashes from a large +fire; of these they have plenty which fly about in the air, they get +together over the coals, snuff up the scent of them, and this serves +them for victuals. Their drink is air squeezed into a cup, which +produces a kind of dew. + +He who is quite bald is esteemed a beauty amongst them, for they +abominate long hair; whereas, in the comets, it is looked upon as a +perfection at least; so we heard from some strangers who were +speaking of them; they have, notwithstanding, small beards a little +above the knee; no nails to their feet, and only one great toe. +They have honey here which is extremely sharp, and when they +exercise themselves, wash their bodies with milk; this, mixed with a +little of their honey, makes excellent cheese. {94} Their oil is +extracted from onions, is very rich, and smells like ointment. +Their wines, which are in great abundance, yield water, and the +grape stones are like hail; I imagine, indeed, that whenever the +wind shakes their vines and bursts the grape, then comes down +amongst us what we call hail. They make use of their belly, which +they can open and shut as they please, as a kind of bag, or pouch, +to put anything in they want; it has no liver or intestines, but is +hairy and warm within, insomuch, that new-born children, when they +are cold, frequently creep into it. The garments of the rich +amongst them are made of glass, but very soft: the poor have woven +brass, which they have here in great abundance, and by pouring a +little water over it, so manage as to card it like wool. I am +afraid to mention their eyes, lest, from the incredibility of the +thing, you should not believe me. I must, however, inform you that +they have eyes which they take in and out whenever they please: so +that they can preserve them anywhere till occasion serves, and then +make use of them; many who have lost their own, borrow from others; +and there are several rich men who keep a stock of eyes by them. +Their ears are made of the leaves of plane-trees, except of those +who spring, as I observed to you, from acorns, these alone have +wooden ones. I saw likewise another very extraordinary thing in the +king's palace, which was a looking-glass that is placed in a well +not very deep; whoever goes down into the well hears everything that +is said upon earth, and if he looks into the glass, beholds all the +cities and nations of the world as plain as if he was close to them. +I myself saw several of my friends there, and my whole native +country; whether they saw me also I will not pretend to affirm. He +who does not believe these things, whenever he goes there will know +that I have said nothing but what is true. + +To return to our voyage. We took our leave of the king and his +friends, got on board our ship, and set sail. Endymion made me a +present of two glass robes, two brass ones, and a whole coat of +armour made of lupines, all which I left in the whale's belly. {96} +He likewise sent with us a thousand Hippogypi, who escorted us five +hundred stadia. + +We sailed by several places, and at length reached the new colony of +the Morning-star, where we landed and took in water; from thence we +steered into the Zodiac; leaving the Sun on our left, we passed +close by his territory, and would have gone ashore, many of our +companions being very desirous of it, but the wind would not permit +us; we had a view, however, of that region, and perceived that it +was green, fertile, and well-watered, and abounding in everything +necessary and agreeable. The Nephelocentaurs, who are mercenaries +in the service of Phaeton, saw us and flew aboard our ship, but, +recollecting that we were included into the treaty, soon departed; +the Hippogypi likewise took their leave of us. + +All the next night and day we continued our course downwards, and +towards evening came upon Lycnopolis: {97} this city lies between +the Pleiades and the Hyades, and a little below the Zodiac: we +landed, but saw no men, only a number of lamps running to and fro in +the market-place and round the port: some little ones, the poor, I +suppose, of the place; others the rich and great among them, very +large, light, and splendid: every one had its habitation or +candlestick to itself, and its own proper name, as men have. We +heard them speak: they offered us no injury, but invited us in the +most hospitable manner; we were afraid, notwithstanding: neither +would any of us venture to take any food or sleep. The king's court +is in the middle of the city; here he sits all night, calls every +one by name, and if they do not appear, condemns them to death for +deserting their post; their death is, to be put out; we stood by and +heard several of them plead their excuses for non-attendance. Here +I found my own lamp, talked to him, and asked him how things went on +at home; he told me everything that had happened. We stayed there +one night, and next day loosing our anchor, sailed off very near the +clouds; where we saw, and greatly admired the city of Nephelo- +coccygia, {98a} but the wind would not permit us to land. Coronus, +the son of Cottiphion, is king there. I remember Aristophanes, +{98b} the poet, speaks of him, a man of wisdom and veracity, the +truth of whose writings nobody can call in question. About three +days after this, we saw the ocean very plainly, but no land, except +those regions which hang in the air, and which appeared to us all +bright and fiery. The fourth day about noon, the wind subsiding, we +got safe down into the sea. No sooner did we touch the water, but +we were beyond measure rejoiced. We immediately gave every man his +supper, as much as we could afford, and afterwards jumped into the +sea and swam, for it was quite calm and serene. + +It often happens, that prosperity is the forerunner of the greatest +misfortunes. We had sailed but two days in the sea, when early in +the morning of the third, at sun-rise, we beheld on a sudden several +whales, and one amongst them, of a most enormous size, being not +less than fifteen hundred stadia in length, he came up to us with +his mouth wide open, disturbing the sea for a long way before him, +the waves dashing round on every side; he whetted his teeth, which +looked like so many long spears, and were white as ivory; we +embraced and took leave of one another, expecting him every moment; +he came near, and swallowed us up at once, ship and all; he did not, +however, crush us with his teeth, for the vessel luckily slipped +through one of the interstices; when we were got in, for some time +it was dark, and we could see nothing; but the whale happening to +gape, we beheld a large space big enough to hold a city with ten +thousand men in it; in the middle were a great number of small fish, +several animals cut in pieces, sails and anchors of ships, men's +bones, and all kinds of merchandise; there was likewise a good +quantity of land and hills, which seemed to have been formed of the +mud which he had swallowed; there was also a wood, with all sorts of +trees in it, herbs of every kind; everything, in short, seemed to +vegetate; the extent of this might be about two hundred and forty +stadia. We saw also several sea-birds, gulls, and kingfishers, +making their nests in the branches. At our first arrival in these +regions, we could not help shedding tears; in a little time, +however, I roused my companions, and we repaired our vessel; after +which, we sat down to supper on what the place afforded. Fish of +all kinds we had here in plenty, and the remainder of the water +which we brought with us from the Morning-star. When we got up the +next day, as often as the whale gaped, we could see mountains and +islands, sometimes only the sky, and plainly perceived by our motion +that he travelled through the sea at a great rate, and seemed to +visit every part of it. At length, when our abode become familiar +to us, I took with me seven of my companions, and advanced into the +wood in order to see everything I could possibly; we had not gone +above five stadia, before we met with a temple dedicated to Neptune, +as we learned by the inscription on it, and a little farther on, +several sepulchres, monumental stones, and a fountain of clear +water; we heard the barking of a dog, and seeing smoke at some +distance from us, concluded there must be some habitation not far +off; we got on as fast as we could, and saw an old man and a boy +very busy in cultivating a little garden, and watering it from a +fountain; we were both pleased and terrified at the sight, and they, +as you may suppose, on their part not less affected, stood fixed in +astonishment and could not speak: after some time, however, "Who +are you?" said the old man; "and whence come ye? are you daemons of +the sea, or unfortunate men, like ourselves? for such we are, born +and bred on land, though now inhabitants of another element; +swimming along with this great creature, who carries us about with +him, not knowing what is to become of us, or whether we are alive or +dead." To which I replied, "We, father, are men as you are, and but +just arrived here, being swallowed up, together with our ship, but +three days ago; we came this way to see what the wood produced, for +it seemed large and full of trees; some good genius led us towards +you, and we have the happiness to find we are not the only poor +creatures shut up in this great monster; but give us an account of +your adventures, let us know who you are, and how you came here." +He would not however, tell us anything himself, or ask us any +questions, till he had performed the rites of hospitality; he took +us into his house, therefore, where he had got beds, and made +everything very commodious; here he presented us with herbs, fruit, +fish, and wine: and when we were satisfied, began to inquire into +our history; when I acquainted him with everything that had happened +to us; the storm we met with; our adventures in the island; our +sailing through the air, the war, etc., from our first setting out, +even to our descent into the whale's belly. + +He expressed his astonishment at what had befallen us, and then told +us his own story, which was as follows:--"Strangers," said he, "I am +a Cyprian by birth, and left my country to merchandise with this +youth, who is my son, and several servants. We sailed to Italy with +goods of various kinds, some of which you may, perhaps, have seen in +the mouth of the whale; we came as far as Sicily with a prosperous +gale, when a violent tempest arose, and we were tossed about in the +ocean for three days, where we were swallowed up, men, ship and all, +by the whale, only we two remaining alive; after burying our +companions we built a temple to Neptune, and here we have lived ever +since, cultivating our little garden, raising herbs, and eating fish +or fruit. The wood, as you see, is very large, and produces many +vines, from which we have excellent wine; there is likewise a +fountain, which perhaps you have observed, of fresh and very cold +water. We make our bed of leaves, have fuel sufficient, and catch a +great many birds and live fish. Getting out upon the gills of the +whale, there we wash ourselves when we please. There is a salt +lake, about twenty stadia round, which produces fish of all kinds, +and where we row about in a little boat which we built on purpose. +It is now seven-and-twenty years since we were swallowed up. +Everything here, indeed, is very tolerable, except our neighbours, +who are disagreeable, troublesome, savage, and unsociable." "And +are there more," replied I, "besides ourselves in the whale?" "A +great many," said he, "and those very unhospitable, and of a most +horrible appearance: towards the tail, on the western parts of the +wood, live the Tarichanes, {104a} a people with eel's eyes, and +faces like crabs, bold, warlike, and that live upon raw flesh. On +the other side, at the right hand wall, are the Tritonomendetes, +{104b} in their upper parts men, and in the lower resembling +weasels. On the left are the Carcinochires, {104c} and the +Thynnocephali, {104d} who have entered into a league offensive and +defensive with each other. The middle part is occupied by the +Paguradae, {105a} and the Psittopodes, {105b} a warlike nation, and +remarkably swift-footed. The eastern parts, near the whale's mouth, +being washed by the sea, are most of them uninhabited. I have some +of these, however, on condition of paying an annual tribute to the +Psittopodes of five hundred oysters. Such is the situation of this +country; our difficulty is how to oppose so many people, and find +sustenance for ourselves." "How many may there be?" said I. "More +than a thousand," said he. "And what are their arms?" "Nothing," +replied he, "but fish-bones." "Then," said I, "we had best go to +war with them, for we have arms and they none; if we conquer them we +shall live without fear for the future." This was immediately +agreed upon, and, as soon as we returned to our ship, we began to +prepare. The cause of the war was to be the non-payment of the +tribute, which was just now becoming due: they sent to demand it; +he returned a contemptuous answer to the messengers: the +Psittopodes and Paguradae were both highly enraged, and immediately +fell upon Scintharus (for that was the old man's name), in a most +violent manner. + +We, expecting to be attacked, sent out a detachment of five-and- +twenty men, with orders to lie concealed till the enemy was past, +and then to rise upon them, which they did, and cut off their rear. +We, in the meantime, being likewise five-and-twenty in number, with +the old man and his son, waited their coming up, met, and engaged +them with no little danger, till at length they fled, and we pursued +them even into their trenches. Of the enemy there fell an hundred +and twenty; we lost only one, our pilot, who was run through by the +rib of a mullet. That day, and the night after it, we remained on +the field of battle, and erected the dried backbone of a dolphin as +a trophy. Next day some other forces, who had heard of the +engagement, arrived, and made head against us; the Tarichanes; under +the command of Pelamus, in the right wing, the Thynnocephali on the +left, and the Carcinochires in the middle; the Tritonomendetes +remained neutral, not choosing to assist either party: we came +round upon all the rest by the temple of Neptune, and with a hideous +cry, rushed upon them. As they were unarmed, we soon put them to +flight, pursued them into the wood, and took possession of their +territory. They sent ambassadors a little while after to take away +their dead, and propose terms of peace; but we would hear of no +treaty, and attacking them the next day, obtained a complete +victory, and cut them all off, except the Tritonomendetes, who, +informed of what had passed, ran away up to the whale's gills, and +from thence threw themselves into the sea. The country being now +cleared of all enemies, we rambled through it, and from that time +remained without fear, used what exercise we pleased, went a- +hunting, pruned our vines, gathered our fruit, and lived, in short, +in every respect like men put together in a large prison, which +there was no escaping from, but where they enjoy everything they can +wish for in ease and freedom; such was our way of life for a year +and eight months. + +On the fifteenth day of the ninth month, about the second opening of +the whale's mouth (for this he did once every hour, and by that we +calculated our time), we were surprised by a sudden noise, like the +clash of oars; being greatly alarmed, we crept up into the whale's +mouth, where, standing between his teeth, we beheld one of the most +astonishing spectacles that was ever seen; men of an immense size, +each of them not less than half a stadium in length, sailing on +islands like boats. I know what I am saying is incredible, I shall +proceed, notwithstanding: these islands were long, but not very +high, and about a hundred stadia in circumference; there were about +eight-and-twenty of these men in each of them, besides the rowers on +the sides, who rowed with large cypresses, with their branches and +leaves on; in the stern stood a pilot raised on an eminence and +guiding a brazen helm; on the forecastle were forty immense +creatures resembling men, except in their hair, which was all a +flame of fire, so that they had no occasion for helmets; these were +armed, and fought most furiously; the wind rushing in upon the wood, +which was in every one of them, swelled it like a sail and drove +them on, according to the pilot's direction; and thus, like so many +long ships, the islands, by the assistance of the oars, also moved +with great velocity. At first we saw only two or three, but +afterwards there appeared above six hundred of them, which +immediately engaged; many were knocked to pieces by running against +each other, and many sunk; others were wedged in close together and, +not able to get asunder, fought desperately; those who were near the +prows showed the greatest alacrity, boarding each other's ships, and +making terrible havoc; none, however, were taken prisoners. For +grappling-irons they made use of large sharks chained together, who +laid hold of the wood and kept the island from moving: they threw +oysters at one another, one of which would have filled a waggon, and +sponges of an acre long. AEolocentaurus was admiral of one of the +fleets, and Thalassopotes {109} of the other: they had quarrelled, +it seems, about some booty; Thalassopotes, as it was reported, +having driven away a large tribe of dolphins belonging to +AEolocentaurus: this we picked up from their own discourse, when we +heard them mention the names of their commanders. At length the +forces of AEolocentaurus prevailed, and sunk about a hundred and +fifty of the islands of the enemy, and taking three more with the +men in them: the rest took to their oars and fled. The conquerors +pursued them a little way, and in the evening returned to the wreck, +seizing the remainder of the enemy's vessels, and getting back some +of their own, for they had themselves lost no less than fourscore +islands in the engagement. They erected a trophy for this victory, +hanging one of the conquered islands on the head of the whale, which +they fastened their hawsers to, and casting anchor close to him, for +they had anchors immensely large and strong, spent the night there: +in the morning, after they had returned thanks, and sacrificed on +the back of the whale, they buried their dead, sung their Io Paeans, +and sailed off. Such was the battle of the islands. + + +BOOK II. + + +From this time our abode in the whale growing rather tedious and +disagreeable, not able to bear it any longer, I began to think +within myself how we might make our escape. My first scheme was to +undermine the right-hand wall and get out there; and accordingly we +began to cut away, but after getting through about five stadia, and +finding it was to no purpose, we left off digging, and determined to +set fire to the wood, which we imagined would destroy the whale, and +secure us a safe retreat. We began, therefore, by burning the parts +near his tail; for seven days and nights he never felt the heat, but +on the eighth we perceived he grew sick, for he opened his mouth +very seldom, and when he did, shut it again immediately; on the +tenth and the eleventh he declined visibly, and began to stink a +little; on the twelfth it occurred to us, which we had never thought +of before, that unless, whilst he was gaping, somebody could prop up +his jaws, to prevent his closing them, we were in danger of being +shut up in the carcase, and perishing there: we placed some large +beams, therefore, in his mouth, got our ship ready, and took in +water, and everything necessary: Scintharus was to be our pilot: +the next day the whale died; we drew our vessel through the +interstices of his teeth, and let her down from thence into the sea: +then, getting on the whale's back, sacrificed to Neptune, near the +spot where the trophy was erected. Here we stayed three days, it +being a dead calm, and on the fourth set sail; we struck upon +several bodies of the giants that had been slain in the sea-fight, +and measured them with the greatest astonishment: for some days we +had very mild and temperate weather, but the north-wind arising, it +grew so extremely cold, that the whole sea was froze up, not on the +surface only, but three or four hundred feet deep, so that we got +out and walked on the ice. The frost being so intense that we could +not bear it, we put in practice the following scheme, which +Scintharus put us in the head of: we dug a cave in the ice, where +we remained for thirty days, lighting a fire, and living upon the +fish which we found in it; but, our provisions failing, we were +obliged to loosen our ship which was stuck fast in, and hoisting a +sail, slid along through the ice with an easy pleasant motion; on +the fifth day from that time, it grew warm, the ice broke, and it +was all water again. + +After sailing about three hundred stadia, we fell in upon a little +deserted island: here we took in water, for ours was almost gone, +killed with our arrows two wild oxen, and departed. These oxen had +horns, not on their heads, but, as Momus seemed to wish, under their +eyes. A little beyond this, we got into a sea, not of water, but of +milk; and upon it we saw an island full of vines; this whole island +was one compact well-made cheese, as we afterwards experienced by +many a good meal, which we made upon it, and is in length five-and- +twenty stadia. The vines have grapes upon them, which yield not +wine, but milk. In the middle of the island was a temple to the +Nereid {113} Galataea, as appeared by an inscription on it: as long +as we stayed there, the land afforded us victuals to eat, and the +vines supplied us with milk to drink. Tyro, {114a} the daughter of +Salmoneus, we were told, was queen of it, Neptune having, after her +death, conferred that dignity upon her. + +We stopped five days on this island, and on the sixth set sail with +a small breeze, which gently agitated the waves, and on the eighth, +changed our milky sea for a green and briny one, where we saw a +great number of men running backwards and forwards, resembling +ourselves in every part, except the feet, which were all of cork, +whence, I suppose, they are called Phellopodes. {114b} We were +surprised to see them not sinking, but rising high above the waves, +and making their way without the least fear or apprehension; they +came up to, and addressed us in the Greek tongue, telling us they +were going to Phello, their native country; they accompanied us a +good way, and then taking their leave, wished us a good voyage. A +little after we saw several islands, amongst which, to the left of +us, stood Phello, to which these men were going, a city built in the +middle of a large round cork; towards the right hand, and at a +considerable distance, were many others, very large and high, on +which we saw a prodigious large fire: fronting the prow of our +ship, we had a view of one very broad and flat, and which seemed to +be about five hundred stadia off; as we approached near to it, a +sweet and odoriferous air came round us, such as Herodotus tells us +blows from Arabia Felix; from the rose, the narcissus, the hyacinth, +the lily, the violet, the myrtle, the laurel, and the vine. +Refreshed with these delightful odours, and in hopes of being at +last rewarded for our long sufferings, we came close up to the +island; here we beheld several safe and spacious harbours, with +clear transparent rivers rolling placidly into the sea; meadows, +woods, and birds of all kinds, chanting melodiously on the shore; +and, on the trees, the soft and sweet air fanning the branches on +every side, which sent forth a soft, harmonious sound, like the +playing on a flute; at the same time we heard a noise, not of riot +or tumult, but a kind of joyful and convivial sound, as of some +playing on the lute or harp, with others joining in the chorus, and +applauding them. + +We cast anchor and landed, leaving our ship in the harbour with +Scintharus and two more of our companions. As we were walking +through a meadow full of flowers, we met the guardians of the isle, +who, immediately chaining us with manacles of roses, for these are +their only fetters, conducted us to their king. From these we +learned, on our journey, that this place was called the Island of +the Blessed, {116a} and was governed by Rhadamanthus. We were +carried before him, and he was sitting that day as judge to try some +causes; ours was the fourth in order. The first was that of Ajax +Telamonius, {116b} to determine whether he was to rank with the +heroes or not. The accusation ran that he was mad, and had made an +end of himself. Much was said on both sides. At length +Rhadamanthus pronounced that he should be consigned to the care of +Hippocrates, and go through a course of hellebore, after which he +might be admitted to the Symposium. The second was a love affair, +to decide whether Theseus or Menelaus should possess Helen in these +regions; and the decree of Rhadamanthus was, that she should live +with Menelaus, who had undergone so many difficulties and dangers +for her; besides, that Theseus had other women, the Amazonian lady +and the daughters of Minos. The third cause was a point of +precedency between Alexander the son of Philip, and Hannibal the +Carthaginian, which was given in favour of Alexander, who was placed +on a throne next to the elder Cyrus, the Persian. Our cause came on +the last. The king asked us how we dared to enter, alone as we +were, into that sacred abode. We told him everything that had +happened; he commanded us to retire, and consulted with the +assessors concerning us. There were many in council with him, and +amongst them Aristides, the just Athenian, and pursuant to his +opinion it was determined that we should suffer the punishment of +our bold curiosity after our deaths, but at present might remain in +the island for a certain limited time, associate with the heroes, +and then depart; this indulgence was not to exceed seven months. + +At this instant our chains, if so they might be called, dropped off, +and we were left at liberty to range over the city, and to partake +of the feast of the blessed. The whole city was of gold, {118} and +the walls of emerald; the seven gates were all made out of one trunk +of the cinnamon-tree; the pavement, within the walls, of ivory; the +temples of the gods were of beryl, and the great altars, on which +they offered the hecatombs, all of one large amethyst. Round the +city flowed a river of the most precious ointment, a hundred cubits +in breadth, and deep enough to swim in; the baths are large houses +of glass perfumed with cinnamon, and instead of water filled with +warm dew. For clothes they wear spider's webs, very fine, and of a +purple colour. They have no bodies, but only the appearance of +them, insensible to the touch, and without flesh, yet they stand, +taste, move, and speak. Their souls seem to be naked, and separated +from them, with only the external similitude of a body, and unless +you attempt to touch, you can scarce believe but they have one; they +are a kind of upright shadows, {119} only not black. In this place +nobody ever grows old: at whatever age they enter here, at that +they always remain. They have no night nor bright day, but a +perpetual twilight; one equal season reigns throughout the year; it +is always spring with them, and no wind blows but Zephyrus. The +whole region abounds in sweet flowers and shrubs of every kind; +their vines bear twelve times in the year, yielding fruit every +month, their apples, pomegranates, and the rest of our autumnal +produce, thirteen times, bearing twice in the month of Minos. +Instead of corn the fields bring forth loaves of ready-made bread, +like mushrooms. There are three hundred and sixty-five fountains of +water round the city, as many of honey, and five hundred rather +smaller of sweet-scented oil, besides seven rivers of milk and eight +of wine. + +Their symposia are held in a place without the city, which they call +the Elysian Field. This is a most beautiful meadow, skirted by a +large and thick wood, affording an agreeable shade to the guests, +who repose on couches of flowers; the winds attend upon and bring +them everything necessary, except wine, which is otherwise provided, +for there are large trees on every side made of the finest glass, +the fruit of which are cups of various shapes and sizes. Whoever +comes to the entertainment gathers one or more of these cups, which +immediately, becomes full of wine, and so they drink of it, whilst +the nightingales and other birds of song, with their bills peck the +flowers out of the neighbouring fields, and drop them on their +heads; thus are they crowned with perpetual garlands. Their manner +of perfuming them is this. The clouds suck up the scented oils from +the fountains and rivers, and the winds gently fanning them, distil +it like soft dew on those who are assembled there. At supper they +have music also, and singing, particularly the verses of Homer, who +is himself generally at the feast, and sits next above Ulysses, with +a chorus of youths and virgins. He is led in accompanied by Eunomus +the Locrian, {121a} Arion of Lesbos, Anacreon, and Stesichorus, +{121b} whom I saw there along with them, and who at length is +reconciled to Helen. When they have finished their songs, another +chorus begins of swans, {122a} swallows, and nightingales, and to +these succeeds the sweet rustling of the zephyrs, that whistle +through the woods and close the concert. What most contributes to +their happiness is, that near the symposium are two fountains, the +one of milk, the other of pleasure; from the first they drink at the +beginning of the feast; there is nothing afterwards but joy and +festivity. + +I will now tell you what men of renown I met with there. And first +there were all the demigods, and all the heroes that fought at Troy +except Ajax the Locrian, {122b} who alone, it seems, was condemned +to suffer for his crimes in the habitations of the wicked. Then +there were of the barbarians both the Cyruses, Anacharsis the +Scythian, Zamolxis of Thrace, {123a} and Numa the Italian; {123b} +besides these I met with Lycurgus the Spartan, Phocion and Tellus of +Athens, and all the wise men except Periander. {123c} I saw also +Socrates, the son of Sophroniscus, prating with Nestor and +Palamedes; near him were Hyacinthus of Sparta, Narcissus the +Thespian, Hylas, and several other beauties: he seemed very fond of +Hyacinthus. Some things were laid to his charge: it was even +reported that Rhadamanthus was very angry with him, and threatened +to turn him out of the island if he continued to play the fool, and +would not leave off his irony and sarcasm. Of all the philosophers, +Plato {123d} alone was not to be found there, but it seems he lived +in a republic of his own building, and which was governed by laws +framed by himself. Aristippus and Epicurus were in the highest +esteem here as the most polite, benevolent, and convivial of men. +Even AEsop the Phrygian was here, whom they made use of by way of +buffoon. Diogenes of Sinope had so wonderfully changed his manners +in this place, that he married Lais the harlot, danced and sang, got +drunk, and played a thousand freaks. Not one Stoic did I see +amongst them; they, it seems, were not yet got up to the top of the +high hill {124a} of virtue; and as to Chrysippus, we were told that +he was not to enter the island till he had taken a fourth dose of +hellebore. The Academicians, we heard, were very desirous of coming +here, but they stood doubting and deliberating about it, neither +were they quite certain whether there was such a place as Elysium or +not; perhaps they were afraid of Rhadamanthus's judgment {124b} on +them, as decisive judgments are what they would never allow. Many +of them, it is reported, followed those who were coming to the +island, but being too lazy to proceed, turned back when they were +got half way. + +Such were the principal persons whom I met with here. Achilles is +had in the greatest honour among them, and next to him Theseus. + +Two or three days after my arrival I met with the poet Homer, and +both of us being quite at leisure, asked him several questions, and +amongst the rest where he was born, that, as I informed him, having +been long a matter of dispute amongst us. We were very ignorant +indeed, he said, for some had made him a Chian, others a native of +Smyrna, others of Colophon, but that after all he was a Babylonian, +and amongst them was called Tigranes, though, after being a hostage +in Greece, they had changed his name to Homer. I then asked him +about those of his verses which are rejected as spurious, and +whether they were his or not. He said they were all his own, which +made me laugh at the nonsense of Zenodotus and Aristarchus the +grammarians. I then asked him how he came to begin his "Iliad" with +the wrath of Achilles; he said it was all by chance. I desired +likewise to know whether, as it was generally reported, he wrote the +"Odyssey" before the "Iliad." He said, no. It is commonly said he +was blind, but I soon found he was not so; for he made use of his +eyes and looked at me, so that I had no reason to ask him that +question. Whenever I found him disengaged, I took the opportunity +of conversing with him, and he very readily entered into discourse +with me, especially after the victory which he obtained over +Thersites, who had accused him of turning him into ridicule in some +of his verses. The cause was heard before Rhadamanthus, and Homer +came off victorious. Ulysses pleaded for him. + +I met also Pythagoras the Samian, who arrived in these regions after +his soul had gone a long round in the bodies of several animals, +having been changed seven times. All his right side was of gold, +and there was some dispute whether he should be called Pythagoras or +Euphorbus. Empedocles came likewise, who looked sodden and roasted +all over. He desired admittance, but though he begged hard for it, +was rejected. + +A little time after the games came on, which they call here +Thanatusia. {126} Achilles presided for the fifth time, and Theseus +for the seventh. A narrative of the whole would be tedious; I shall +only, therefore, recount a few of the principal circumstances in the +wrestling match. Carus, a descendant of Hercules, conquered Ulysses +at the boxing match; Areus the Egyptian, who was buried at Corinth, +and Epeus contended, but neither got the victory. The Pancratia was +not proposed amongst them. In the race I do not remember who had +the superiority. In poetry Homer was far beyond them all; Hesiod, +however, got a prize. The reward to all was a garland of peacock's +feathers. + +When the games were over word was brought that the prisoners in +Tartarus had broken loose, overcome the guard, and were proceeding +to take possession of the island under the command of Phalaris the +Agrigentine, {127a} Busiris of Egypt, {127b} Diomede the Thracian, +{128a} Scyron, {128b} and Pityocamptes. As soon as Rhadamanthus +heard of it he despatched the heroes to the shore, conducted by +Theseus, Achilles, and Ajax Telamonius, who was now returned to his +senses. A battle ensued, wherein the heroes were victorious, owing +principally to the valour of Achilles. Socrates, who was placed in +the right wing, behaved much better than he had done at Delius +{128c} in his life-time, for when the enemy approached he never +fled, nor so much as turned his face about. He had a very +extraordinary present made him as the reward of his courage, no less +than a fine spacious garden near the city; here he summoned his +friends and disputed, calling the place by the name of the Academy +of the Dead. They then bound the prisoners and sent them back to +Tartarus, to suffer double punishment. Homer wrote an account of +this battle, and gave it me to show it to our people when I went +back, but I lost it afterwards, together with a great many other +things. It began thus-- + + "Sing, Muse, the battles of the heroes dead--" + +The campaign thus happily finished, they made an entertainment to +celebrate the victory, which, as is usual amongst them, was a bean- +feast. Pythagoras alone absented himself on that day, and fasted, +holding in abomination the wicked custom of eating beans. + +Six months had now elapsed, when a new and extraordinary affair +happened. Cinyrus, the son of Scintharus, a tall, well-made, +handsome youth, fell in love with Helen, and she no less desperately +with him. They were often nodding and drinking to one another at +the public feasts, and would frequently rise up and walk out +together alone into the wood. The violence of his passion, joined +to the impossibility of possessing her any other way, put Cinyrus on +the resolution of running away with her. She imagined that they +might easily get off to some of the adjacent islands, either to +Phellus or Tyroessa. He selected three of the bravest of our crew +to accompany them; never mentioning the design to his father, who he +knew would never consent to it, but the first favourable +opportunity, put it in execution; and one night when I was not with +them (for it happened that I stayed late at the feast, and slept +there) carried her off. + +Menelaus, rising in the middle of the night, and perceiving that his +wife was gone, made a dreadful noise about it, and, taking his +brother along with him, proceeded immediately to the king's palace. +At break of day the guards informed him that they had seen a vessel +a good distance from land. He immediately put fifty heroes on board +a ship made out of one large piece of the asphodelus, with orders to +pursue them. They made all the sail they possibly could, and about +noon came up with and seized on them, just as they were entering +into the Milky Sea, close to Tyroessa; so near were they to making +their escape. The pursuers threw a rosy chain over the vessel and +brought her home again. Helen began to weep, blushed, and hid her +face. Rhadamanthus asked Cinyrus and the rest of them if they had +any more accomplices: they told him they had none. He then ordered +them to be chained, whipped with mallows, and sent to Tartarus. + +It was now determined that we should stay no longer on the island +than the time limited, and the very next day was fixed for our +departure. This gave me no little concern, and I wept to think I +must leave so many good things, and be once more a wanderer. They +endeavoured to administer consolation to me by assuring me that in a +few years I should return to them again; they even pointed out the +seat that should be allotted to me, and which was near the best and +worthiest inhabitants of these delightful mansions. I addressed +myself to Rhadamanthus, and humbly entreated him to inform me of my +future fate, and let me know beforehand whether I should travel. He +told me that, after many toils and dangers, I should at last return +in safety to my native country, but would not point out the time +when. He then showed me the neighbouring islands, five of which +appeared near to me, and a sixth at a distance. "Those next to +you," said he, "where you see a great fire burning, are the +habitations of the wicked; the sixth is the city of dreams; behind +that lies the island of Calypso, which you cannot see yet. When you +get beyond these you will come to a large tract of land inhabited by +those who live on the side of the earth directly opposite to you, +{132} there you will suffer many things, wander through several +nations, and meet with some very savage and unsociable people, and +at length get into another region." + +Having said thus, he took a root of mallow out of the earth, and +putting it into my hand, bade me remember, when I was in any danger, +to call upon that; and added, moreover, that if, when I came to the +Antipodes, I took care "never to stir the fire with a sword, and +never to eat lupines," I might have hopes of returning to the Island +of the Blessed. + +I then got everything ready for the voyage, supped with, and took my +leave of them. Next day, meeting Homer, I begged him to make me a +couple of verses for an inscription, which he did, and I fixed them +on a little column of beryl, at the mouth of the harbour; the +inscription was as follows: + + "Dear to the gods, and favourite of heaven, + Here Lucian lived: to him alone 'twas given, + Well pleased these happy regions to explore, + And back returning, seek his native shore." + +I stayed that day, and the next set sail; the heroes attending to +take their leave of us; when Ulysses, unknown to Penelope, slipped a +letter into my hand for Calypso, at the island of Ogygia. +Rhadamanthus was so obliging as to send with us Nauplius the pilot, +that, if we stopped at the neighbouring islands, and they should lay +hold on us, he might acquaint them that we were only on our passage +to another place. + +As soon as we got out of the sweet-scented air, we came into another +that smelt of asphaltus, pitch, and sulphur burning together, with a +most intolerable stench, as of burned carcases: the whole element +above us was dark and dismal, distilling a kind of pitchy dew upon +our heads; we heard the sound of stripes, and the yellings of men in +torment. + +We saw but one of these islands; that which we landed on I will give +you some description of. Every part of it was steep and filthy, +abounding in rocks and rough mountains. We crept along, over +precipices full of thorns and briers, and, passing through a most +horrid country, came to the dungeon, and place of punishment, which +we beheld with an admiration full of horror: the ground was strewed +with swords and prongs, and close to us were three rivers, one of +mire, another of blood, and another of fire, immense and impassable, +that flowed in torrents, and rolled like waves in the sea; it had +many fish in it, some like torches, others resembling live coals; +which they called lychnisci. There is but one entrance into the +three rivers, and at the mouth of them stood, as porter, Timon of +Athens. By the assistance, however, of our guide, Nauplius, we +proceeded, and saw several punished, {135a} as well kings as private +persons, and amongst these some of our old acquaintance; we saw +Cinyrus, {135b} hung up and roasting there. Our guides gave us the +history of several of them, and told us what they were punished for; +those, we observed, suffered most severely who in their lifetimes +had told lies, or written what was not true, amongst whom were +Ctesias the Cnidian, Herodotus, and many others. When I saw these I +began to conceive good hopes of hereafter, as I am not conscious of +ever having told a story. + +Not able to bear any longer such melancholy spectacles, we took our +leave of Nauplius, and returned to our ship. In a short time after +we had a view, but confused and indistinct, of the Island of Dreams, +which itself was not unlike a dream, for as we approached towards +it, it seemed as it were to retire and fly from us. At last, +however, we got up to it, and entered the harbour, which is called +Hypnus, {136a} near the ivory gates, where there is a harbour +dedicated to the cock. {136b} We landed late in the evening, and +saw several dreams of various kinds. I propose, however, at +present, to give you an account of the place itself, which nobody +has ever written about, except Homer, whose description is very +imperfect. + +Round the island is a very thick wood; the trees are all tall +poppies, or mandragorae, {136c} in which are a great number of bats; +for these are the only birds they have here; there is likewise a +river which they call Nyctiporus, {136d} and round the gates two +fountains: the name of one is Negretos, {137a} and of the other +Pannychia. {137b} The city has a high wall, of all the colours of +the rainbow. It has not two gates, as Homer {137c} tells us, but +four; two of which look upon the plain of Indolence, one made of +iron, the other of brick; through these are said to pass all the +dreams that are frightful, bloody, and melancholy; the other two, +fronting the sea and harbour, one of horn, the other, which we came +through, of ivory; on the right hand, as you enter the city, is the +temple of Night, who, together with the cock, is the principal +object of worship amongst them. This is near the harbour; on the +left is the palace of Somnus, for he is their sovereign, and under +him are two viceroys, Taraxion, {138a} the son of Mataeogenes, and +Plutocles, {138b} the son of Phantasion. In the middle of the +market-place stands a fountain, which they call Careotis, {138c} and +two temples of Truth and Falsehood; there is an oracle here, at +which Antiphon presides as high-priest; he is inventor of the +dreams, an honourable employment, which Somnus bestowed upon him. + +The dreams themselves are of different kinds, some long, beautiful, +and pleasant, others little and ugly; there are likewise some golden +ones, others poor and mean; some winged and of an immense size, +others tricked out as it were for pomps and ceremonies, for gods and +kings; some we met with that we had seen at home; these came up to +and saluted us as their old acquaintance, whilst others putting us +first to sleep, treated us most magnificently, and promised that +they would make us kings and noblemen: some carried us into our own +country, showed us our friends and relations, and brought us back +again the same day. Thirty days and nights we remained in this +place, being most luxuriously feasted, and fast asleep all the time, +when we were suddenly awaked by a violent clap of thunder, and +immediately ran to our ship, put in our stores, and set sail. In +three days we reached the island of Ogygia. Before we landed, I +broke open the letter, and read the contents, which were as follows: + +ULYSSES TO CALYPSO. + +"This comes to inform you, that after my departure from your coasts +in the vessel which you were so kind as to provide me with, I was +shipwrecked, and saved with the greatest difficulty by Leucothea, +who conveyed me to the country of the Phaeacians, and from thence I +got home; where I found a number of suitors about my wife, revelling +there at my expense. I destroyed every one of them, and was +afterwards slain myself by Telegonus, a son whom I had by Circe. I +still lament the pleasures which I left behind at Ogygia, and the +immortality which you promised me; if I can ever find an +opportunity, I will certainly make my escape from hence, and come to +you." + +This was the whole of the epistle except, that at the end of it he +recommended us to her protection. + +On our landing, at a little distance from the sea, I found the cave, +as described by Homer, and in it Calypso, spinning; she took the +letter, put it in her bosom, and wept; then invited us to sit down, +and treated us magnificently. She then asked us several questions +about Ulysses, and inquired whether Penelope was handsome and as +chaste as Ulysses had reported her to be. We answered her in such a +manner as we thought would please her best; and then returning to +our ship, slept on board close to the shore. + +In the morning, a brisk gale springing up, we set sail. For two +days we were tossed about in a storm; the third drove us on the +pirates of Colocynthos. These are a kind of savages from the +neighbouring islands, who commit depredations on all that sail that +way. They have large ships made out of gourds, six cubits long; +when the fruit is dry, they hollow and work it into this shape, +using reeds for masts, and making their sails out of the leaves of +the plant. They joined the crews of two ships and attacked us, +wounding many of us with cucumber seeds, which they threw instead of +stones. After fighting some time without any material advantage on +either side, about noon we saw just behind them some of the +Caryonautae, {141a} whom we found to be avowed enemies to the +Colocynthites, {141b} who, on their coming up, immediately quitted +us, and fell upon them. We hoisted our sail, and got off, leaving +them to fight it out by themselves; the Caryonautae were most +probably the conquerors, as they were more in number, for they had +five ships, which besides were stronger and better built than those +of the enemy, being made of the shells of nuts cut in two, and +hollowed, every half-nut being fifty paces long. As soon as we got +out of their sight, we took care of our wounded men, and from that +time were obliged to be always armed and prepared in case of sudden +attack. We had too much reason to fear, for scarce was the sun set +when we saw about twenty men from a desert island advancing towards +us, each on the back of a large dolphin. These were pirates also: +the dolphins carried them very safely, and seemed pleased with their +burden, neighing like horses. When they came up, they stood at a +little distance, and threw dried cuttle-fish and crabs'-eyes at us; +but we, in return, attacking them with our darts and arrows, many of +them were wounded; and, unable to stand it any longer, they +retreated to the island. + +In the middle of the night, the sea being quite calm, we +unfortunately struck upon a halcyon's nest, of an immense size, +being about sixty stadia in circumference; the halcyon was sitting +upon it, and was herself not much less; as she flew off, she was +very near oversetting our ship with the wind of her wings, and, as +she went, made a most hideous groaning. As soon as it was day we +took a view of the nest, which was like a great ship, and built of +trees; in it were five hundred eggs, each of them longer than a +hogshead of Chios. We could hear the young ones croaking within; +so, with a hatchet we broke one of the eggs, and took the chicken +out unfledged; it was bigger than twenty vultures put together. + +When we were got about two hundred stadia from the nest, we met with +some surprising prodigies. A cheniscus came, and sitting on the +prow of our ship, clapped his wings and made a noise. Our pilot +Scintharus had been bald for many years, when on a sudden his hair +came again. But what was still more wonderful, the mast of our ship +sprouted out, sent forth several branches, and bore fruit at the top +of it, large figs, and grapes not quite ripe. We were greatly +astonished, as you may suppose, and prayed most devoutly to the gods +to avert the evil which was portended. + +We had not gone above five hundred stadia farther before we saw an +immensely large and thick wood of pines and cypresses; we took it +for a tract of land, but it was all a deep sea, planted with trees +that had no root, which stood, however, unmoved, upright, and, as it +were, swimming in it. Approaching near to it, we began to consider +what we could do best. There was no sailing between the trees, +which were close together, nor did we know how to get back. I got +upon one of the highest of them, to see how far they reached, and +perceived that they continued for about fifty stadia or more, and +beyond that it was all sea again; we resolved therefore to drag the +ship up to the top boughs, which were very thick, and so convey it +along, which, by fixing a great rope to it, with no little toil and +difficulty, we performed; got it up, spread our sails, and were +driven on by the wind. It put me in mind of that verse of +Antimachus the poet, where he says-- + + "The ship sailed smoothly through the sylvan sea." + +We at length got over the wood, and, letting our ship down in the +same manner, fell into smooth clear water, till we came to a horrid +precipice, hollow and deep, resembling the cavity made by an +earthquake. We furled our sails, or should soon have been swallowed +up in it. Stooping forward, and looking down, we beheld a gulf of +at least a thousand stadia deep, a most dreadful and amazing sight, +for the sea as it were was split in two. Looking towards our right +hand, however, we saw a small bridge of water that joined the two +seas, and flowed from one into the other; we got the ship in here, +and with great labour rowed her over, which we never expected. + +From thence we passed into a smooth and calm sea, wherein was a +small island with a good landing place, and which was inhabited by +the Bucephali: a savage race of men, with bulls' heads and horns, +as they paint the minotaur. As soon as we got on shore we went in +search of water and provision, for we had none left; water we found +soon, but nothing else; we heard, indeed, a kind of lowing at a +distance, and expected to find a herd of oxen, but, advancing a +little farther, perceived that it came from the men. As soon as +they saw us, they ran after and took two of our companions; the rest +of us got back to the ship as fast as we could. We then got our +arms, and, determined to revenge our friends, attacked them as they +were dividing the flesh of our poor companions: they were soon +thrown into confusion and totally routed; we slew about fifty of +them, and took two prisoners, whom we returned with. All this time +we could get no provision. Some were for putting the captives to +death, but not approving of this, I kept them bound till the enemy +should send ambassadors to redeem them, which they did; for we soon +heard them lowing in a melancholy tone, and most humbly beseeching +us to release their friends. The ransom agreed on was a quantity of +cheeses, dried fish, and onions, together with four stags, each +having three feet, two behind and one before. In consideration of +this, we released the prisoners, stayed one day there, and set sail. + +We soon observed the fish swimming and the birds flying round about +us, with other signs of our being near the land; and in a very +little time after saw some men in the sea, who made use of a very +uncommon method of sailing, being themselves both ships and +passengers. I will tell you how they did it; they laid themselves +all along in the water, they fastened to their middle a sail, and +holding the lower part of the rope in their hands, were carried +along by the wind. Others we saw, sitting on large casks, driving +two dolphins who were yoked together, and drew the carriage after +them: these did not run away from, nor attempt to do us any injury; +but rode round about us without fear, observing our vessel with +great attention, and seeming greatly astonished at it. + +It was now almost dark, when we came in sight of a small island +inhabited by women, as we imagined, for such they appeared to us, +being all young and handsome, with long garments reaching to their +feet. The island was called Cabalusa, and the city Hydamardia. +{147a} I stopped a little, for my mind misgave me, and looking +round, saw several bones and skulls of men on the ground; to make a +noise, call my companions together, and take up arms, I thought +would be imprudent. I pulled out my mallow, {147b} therefore, and +prayed most devoutly that I might escape the present evil; and a +little time afterwards, as one of the strangers was helping us to +something, I perceived, instead of a woman's foot, the hoof of an +ass. Upon this I drew my sword, seized on and bound her, and +insisted on her telling me the truth with regard to everything about +them. She informed me, much against her will, that she and the rest +of the inhabitants were women belonging to the sea, that they were +called Onoscileas, {148} and that they lived upon travellers who +came that way. "We make them drunk," said she, "and when they are +asleep, make an end of them." As soon as she had told me this, I +left her bound there, and getting upon the house, called out to my +companions, brought them together, showed them the bones, and led +them in to her; when on a sudden she dissolved away into water, and +disappeared. I dipped my sword into it by way of experiment, and +the water turned into blood. + +We proceeded immediately to our vessel and departed. At break of +day we had a view of that continent which we suppose lies directly +opposite to our own. Here, after performing our religious rites, +and putting up our prayers, we consulted together about what was to +be done next. Some were of opinion that, after making a little +descent on the coast, we should turn back again; others were for +leaving the ship there, and marching up into the heart of the +country, to explore the inhabitants. Whilst we were thus disputing +a violent storm arose, and driving our ship towards the land, split +it in pieces. We picked up our arms, and what little things we +could lay hold on, and with difficulty swam ashore. + +Such were the adventures which befell us during our voyage, at sea, +in the islands, in the air, in the whale, amongst the heroes, in the +land of dreams, and lastly, amongst the Bucephali, and the +Onoscileae. What we met with on the other side of the world, shall +be related in the ensuing books. {149} + + + +ICARO-MENIPPUS. A DIALOGUE. + + + +This Dialogue, which is also called by the commentators [Greek], or, +"Above the Clouds," has a great deal of easy wit and humour in it, +without the least degree of stiffness or obscurity; it is equally +severe on the gods and philosophers; and paints, in the warmest +colours, the glaring absurdity of the whole pagan system. + + + +MENIPPUS AND A FRIEND. + +MENIPPUS. + +Three thousand stadia {153} from the earth to the moon, my first +resting-place; from thence up to the sun about five hundred +parasangas; and from the sun to the highest heaven, and the palace +of Jupiter, as far as a swift eagle could fly in a day. + +FRIEND. + +What are you muttering to yourself, Menippus, talking about the +stars, and pretending to measure distances? As I walk behind you, I +hear of nothing but suns and moons, parasangas, stations, and I know +not what. + +MENIPPUS. + +Marvel not, my friend, if I utter things aerial and sublime; for I +am recounting the wonders of my late journey. + +FRIEND. + +What! tracing your road by the stars, as the Phoenicians {154} do! + +MENIPPUS. + +Not so, by Jove! I have been amongst the stars themselves. + +FRIEND. + +You must have had a long dream, indeed, to travel so many leagues in +it. + +MENIPPUS. + +It is no dream, I assure you; I am just arrived from Jupiter. + +FRIEND. + +How say you? Menippus let down from heaven? + +MENIPPUS. + +Even so: this moment come from thence, where I have seen and heard +things most strange and miraculous. If you doubt the truth of them, +the happier shall I be to have seen what is past belief. + +FRIEND. + +How is it possible, most heavenly and divine Menippus, that a mere +mortal, like me, should dispute the veracity of one who has been +carried above the clouds: one, to speak in the language of Homer, +of the inhabitants {155} of heaven? But inform me, I beseech you, +which way you got up, and how you procured so many ladders; for, by +your appearance, I should not take you for another Phrygian boy, +{156} to be carried up by an eagle, and made a cup-bearer of. + +MENIPPUS. + +You are an old scoffer, I know, and therefore I am not surprised +that an account of things above the comprehensions of the vulgar +should appear like a fable to you; but, let me tell you, I wanted no +ladders, nor an eagle's beak, to transport me thither, for I had +wings of my own. + +FRIEND. + +This was beyond Daedalus himself, to be metamorphosed thus into a +hawk, or jay, and we know nothing of it. + +MENIPPUS. + +You are not far from the mark, my friend; for my wings were a kind +of Daedalian contrivance. + +FRIEND. + +Thou art a bold rogue indeed, and meant no doubt, if you had chanced +to fall into any part of the ocean, to have called it, as Icarus +{157a} did, by your own name, and styled it the Menippean Sea. + +MENIPPUS. + +Not so; his wings were glued on with wax, and when the sun melted +it, could not escape falling; but mine had no wax in them. + +FRIEND. + +Indeed! now shall I quickly know the truth of this affair. + +MENIPPUS. + +You shall: I took, you must know, a very large eagle {157b} and a +vulture also, one of the strongest I could get, and cut off their +wings; but, if you have leisure, I will tell you the whole +expedition from beginning to end. + +FRIEND. + +Pray do, for I long to hear it: by Jove the Friendly, I entreat +thee, keep me no longer in suspense, for I am hung by the ears. + +MENIPPUS. + +Listen, then, for I would by no means baulk an inquisitive friend, +especially one who is nailed by the ears, as you are. Finding, on a +close examination, that everything here below, such as riches, +honours, empire, and dominion, were all ridiculous and absurd, of no +real value or estimation, considering them, withal, as so many +obstacles to the study of things more worthy of contemplation, I +looked up towards nobler objects, and meditated on the great +universe before me; doubts immediately arose concerning what +philosophers call the world; nor could I discover how it came into +existence, its creator, the beginning or the end of it. When I +descended to its several parts, I was still more in the dark: I +beheld the stars, scattered as it were by the hand of chance, over +the heavens; I saw the sun, and wished to know what it was; above +all, the nature of the Moon appeared to me most wonderful and +extraordinary; the diversity of its forms pointed out some hidden +cause which I could not account for; the lightning also, which +pierces through everything, the impetuous thunder, the rain, hail, +and snow, {159} all raised my admiration, and seemed inexplicable to +human reason. In this situation of mind, the best thing I thought +which I could possibly do was to consult the philosophers; they, I +made no doubt, were acquainted with the truth, and could impart it +to me. Selecting, therefore, the best of them, as well as I could +judge from the paleness and severity of their countenances, and the +length of their beards (for they seemed all to be high-speaking and +heavenly-minded men), into the hands of these I entirely resigned +myself, and partly by ready money, partly by the promise of more, +when they had made me completely wise, I engaged them to teach me +the perfect knowledge of the universe, and how to talk on sublime +subjects; but so far were they from removing my ignorance, that they +only threw me into greater doubt and uncertainty, by puzzling me +with atoms, vacuums, beginnings, ends, ideas, forms, and so forth: +and the worst of all was, that though none agreed with the rest in +what they advanced, but were all of contrary opinions, yet did every +one of them expect that I should implicitly embrace his tenets, and +subscribe to his doctrine. + +FRIEND. + +It is astonishing that such wise men should disagree, and, with +regard to the same things, should not all be of the same opinion. + +MENIPPUS. + +You will laugh, my friend, when I shall tell you of their pride and +impudence in the relation of extraordinary events; to think that +men, who creep upon this earth, and are not a whit wiser, or can see +farther than ourselves, some of them old, blind, and lazy, should +pretend to know the limits and extent of heaven, measure the sun's +circuit, and walk above the moon; that they should tell us the size +and form of the stars, as if they were just come down from them; +that those who scarcely know how many furlongs it is from Athens to +Megara, should inform you exactly how many cubits distance the sun +is from the moon, should mark out the height of the air, and the +depth of the sea, describe circles, from squares upon triangles, +make spheres, and determine the length and breadth of heaven itself: +is it not to the last degree impudent and audacious? When they talk +of things thus obscure and unintelligible, not merely to offer their +opinions as conjectures, but boldly to urge and insist upon them: +to do everything but swear, that the sun {161} is a mass of liquid +fire, that the moon is inhabited, that the stars drink water, and +that the sun draws up the moisture from the sea, as with a well- +rope, and distributes his draught over the whole creation? How +little they agree upon any one thing, and what a variety of tenets +they embrace, is but too evident; for first, with regard to the +world, their opinions are totally different; some affirm that it +hath neither beginning nor end; some, whom I cannot but admire, +point out to us the manner of its construction, and the maker of it, +a supreme deity, whom they worship as creator of the universe; but +they have not told us whence he came, nor where he exists; neither, +before the formation of this world, can we have any idea of time or +place. + +FRIEND. + +These are, indeed, bold and presumptuous diviners. + +MENIPPUS. + +But what would you say, my dear friend, were you to hear them +disputing, concerning ideal {162} and incorporeal substances, and +talking about finite and infinite? for this is a principal matter of +contention between them; some confining all things within certain +limits, others prescribing none. Some assert that there are many +worlds, {163a} and laugh at those who affirm there is but one; +whilst another, {163b} no man of peace, gravely assures us that war +is the original parent of all things. Need I mention to you their +strange opinions concerning the deities? One says, that number +{163c} is a god; others swear by dogs, {164} geese, and plane-trees. +Some give the rule of everything to one god alone, and take away all +power from the rest, a scarcity of deities which I could not well +brook; others more liberal, increased the number of gods, and gave +to each his separate province and employment, calling one the first, +and allotting to others the second or third rank of divinity. Some +held that gods were incorporeal, and without form; others supposed +them to have bodies. It was by no means universally acknowledged +that the gods took cognisance of human affairs; some there were who +exempted them from all care and solicitude, as we exonerate our old +men from business and trouble; bringing them in like so many mute +attendants on the stage. There are some too, who go beyond all +this, and deny that there are any gods at all, but assert that the +world is left without any guide or master. + +I could not tell how to refuse my assent to these high-sounding and +long-bearded gentlemen, and yet could find no argument amongst them +all, that had not been refuted by some or other of them; often was I +on the point of giving credit to one, when, as Homer says, + + "To other thoughts, + My heart inclined." {165a} + +The only way, therefore, to put an end to all my doubts, was, I +thought, to make a bird of myself, and fly up to heaven. This my +own eager desires represented as probable, and the fable-writer +AEsop {165b} confirmed it, who carries up, not only his eagles, but +his beetles, and camels thither. To make wings for myself was +impossible, but to fit those of a vulture and an eagle to my body, +might, I imagined, answer the same purpose. I resolved, therefore, +to try the experiment, and cut off the right wing of one, and the +left of the other; bound them on with thongs, and at the extremities +made loops for my hands; then, raising myself by degrees, just +skimmed above the ground, like the geese. When, finding my project +succeed, I made a bold push, got upon the Acropolis {166a} and from +thence slid down to the theatre. Having got so far without danger +or difficulty, I began to meditate greater things, and setting off +from Parnethes or Hymettus {166b} flew to Geranea, {166c} and from +thence to the top of the tower at Corinth; from thence over Pholoe +{166d} and Erymanthus quite to Taygetus. And now, resolving to +strike a bold stroke, as I was already become a high flyer, and +perfect in my art, I no longer confined myself to chicken flights, +but getting upon Olympus, and taking a little light provision with +me, I made the best of my way directly towards heaven. The extreme +height which I soared to brought on a giddiness at first, but this +soon went off; and when I got as far the Moon, having left a number +of clouds behind me, I found a weariness, particularly in my vulture +wing. I halted, therefore, to rest myself a little, and looking +down from thence upon the earth, like Homer's Jupiter, beheld the +places-- + + "Where the brave Mycians prove their martial force, + And hardy Thracians tame the savage horse; + Then India, Persia, and all-conquering Greece." {167} + +which gave me wonderful pleasure and satisfaction. + +FRIEND. + +Let me have an exact account of all your travels, I beseech you, +omit not the least particular, but give me your observations upon +everything; I expect to hear a great deal about the form and figure +of the earth, and how it all appeared to you from such an eminence. + +MENIPPUS. + +And so you shall; ascend, therefore, in imagination with me to the +Moon, and consider the situation and appearance of the earth from +thence: suppose it to seem, as it did to me, much less than the +moon, insomuch, that when I first looked down, I could not find the +high mountains, and the great sea; and, if it had not been for the +Rhodian Colossus, {168} and the tower of Pharos, should not have +known where the earth stood. At length, however, by the reflection +of the sunbeams, the ocean appeared, and showed me the land, when, +keeping my eyes fixed upon it, I beheld clearly and distinctly +everything that was doing upon earth, not only whole nations and +cities, but all the inhabitants of them, whether waging war, +cultivating their fields, trying causes, or anything else; their +women, animals, everything, in short, was before me. + +FRIEND. + +Most improbable, all this, and contradictory; you told me but just +before, that the earth was so little by its great distance, that you +could scarce find it, and, if it had not been for the Colossus, it +would not have appeared at all; and now, on a sudden, like another +Lynceus, you can spy out men, trees, animals, nay, I suppose, even a +flea's nest, if you chose it. + +MENIPPUS. + +I thank you for putting me in mind of what I had forgot to mention. +When I beheld the earth, but could not distinguish the objects upon +it, on account of the immense distance, I was horribly vexed at it, +and ready to cry, when, on a sudden, Empedocles {169} the +philosopher stood behind me, all over ashes, as black as a coal, and +dreadfully scorched: when I saw him, I must own I was frightened, +and took him for some demon of the moon; but he came up to me, and +cried out, "Menippus, don't be afraid, + + "I am no god, why call'st thou me divine?" {170} + +I am Empedocles, the naturalist: after I had leaped into the +furnace, a vapour from AEtna carried me up hither, and here I live +in the moon and feed upon dew: I am come to free you from your +present distress." "You are very kind," said I, "most noble +Empedocles, and when I fly back to Greece, I shall not forget to pay +my devotions to you in the tunnel of my chimney every new moon." +"Think not," replied he, "that I do this for the sake of any reward +I might expect for it; by Endymion, {171} that is not the case, but +I was really grieved to see you so uneasy: and now, how shall we +contrive to make you see clear?" "That, by Jove," said I, "I cannot +guess, unless you can take off this mist from my eyes, for they are +horribly dim at present." "You have brought the remedy along with +you." "How so?" "Have you not got an eagle's wing?" "True, but +what has that to do with an eye?" "An eagle, you know, is more +sharp-sighted than any other creature, and the only one that can +look against the sun: your true royal bird is known by never +winking at the rays, be they ever so strong." "So I have heard, and +I am sorry I did not, before I came up, take out my own eyes and put +in the eagle's; thus imperfect, to be sure, I am not royally +furnished, but a kind of bastard bird." "You may have one royal +eye, for all that, if you please; it is only when you rise up to +fly, holding the vulture's wing still, and moving the eagle's only; +by which means, you will see clearly with one, though not at all +with the other." "That will do, and is sufficient for me; I have +often seen smiths, and other artists, look with one eye only, to +make their work the truer." This conversation ended, Empedocles +vanished into smoke, and I saw no more of him. I acted as he +advised me, and no sooner moved my eagle's wing, than a great light +came all around me, and I saw everything as clear as possible: +looking down to earth, I beheld distinctly cities and men, and +everything that passed amongst them; not only what they did openly, +but whatever was going on at home, and in their own houses, where +they thought to conceal it. I saw Lysimachus betrayed by his son; +{172a} Antiochus intriguing with his mother-in-law; {172b} Alexander +the Thessalian slain by his wife; and Attalus poisoned by his son: +in another place I saw Arsaces killing his wife, and the eunuch +Arbaces drawing his sword upon Arsaces; Spartim, the Mede, dragged +by the heels from the banquet by his guards, and knocked on the head +with a cup. In the palaces of Scythia and Thrace the same +wickedness was going forward; and nothing could I see but murderers, +adulterers, conspirators, false swearers, men in perpetual terrors, +and betrayed by their dearest friends and acquaintance. + +Such was the employment of kings and great men: in private houses +there was something more ridiculous; there I saw Hermodorus the +Epicurean forswearing himself for a thousand drachmas; Agathocles +the Stoic quarrelling with his disciples about the salary for +tuition; Clinias the orator stealing a phial out of the temple; not +to mention a thousand others, who were undermining walls, litigating +in the forum, extorting money, or lending it upon usury; a sight, +upon the whole, of wonderful variety. + +FRIEND. + +It must have been very entertaining; let us have it all, I desire. + +MENIPPUS. + +I had much ado to see, to relate it to you is impossible; it was +like Homer's shield, {173} on one side were feasting and nuptials, +on the other haranguing and decrees; here a sacrifice, and there a +burial; the Getae at war, the Scythians travelling in their +caravans, the Egyptians tilling their fields, the Phoenicians +merchandising, the Cilicians robbing and plundering, the Spartans +flogging their children, and the Athenians perpetually quarrelling +and going to law with one another. + +When all this was doing, at the same time, you may conceive what a +strange medley this appeared to me; it was just as if a number of +dancers, or rather singers, were met together, and every one was +ordered to leave the chorus, and sing his own song, each striving to +drown the other's voice, by bawling as loud as he could; you may +imagine what kind of a concert this would make. + +FRIEND. + +Truly ridiculous and confused, no doubt. + +MENIPPUS. + +And yet such, my friend, are all the poor performers upon earth, and +of such is composed the discordant music of human life; the voices +not only dissonant and inharmonious, but the forms and habits all +differing from each other, moving in various directions, and +agreeing in nothing; till at length the great master {175a} of the +choir drives everyone of them from the stage, and tells him he is no +longer wanted there; then all are silent, and no longer disturb each +other with their harsh and jarring discord. But in this wide and +extensive theatre, full of various shapes and forms, everything was +matter of laughter and ridicule. Above all, I could not help +smiling at those who quarrel about the boundaries of their little +territory, and fancy themselves great because they occupy a +Sicyonian {175b} field, or possess that part of Marathon which +borders on Oenoe, or are masters of a thousand acres in Acharnae; +when after all, to me, who looked from above, Greece was but four +fingers in breadth, and Attica a very small portion of it indeed. I +could not but think how little these rich men had to be proud of; he +who was lord of the most extensive country owned a spot that +appeared to me about as large as one of Epicurus's atoms. When I +looked down upon Peloponnesus, and beheld Cynuria, {176a} I +reflected with astonishment on the number of Argives and +Lacedemonians who fell in one day, fighting for a piece of land no +bigger than an Egyptian lentil; and when I saw a man brooding over +his gold, and boasting that he had got four cups or eight rings, I +laughed most heartily at him: whilst the whole Pangaeus, {176b} +with all its mines, seemed no larger than a grain of millet. + +FRIEND. + +A fine sight you must have had; but how did the cities and the men +look? + +MENIPPUS. + +You have often seen a crowd of ants running to and fro in and out of +their city, some turning up a bit of dung, others dragging a bean- +shell, or running away with half a grain of wheat. I make no doubt +but they have architects, demagogues, senators, musicians, and +philosophers amongst them. Men, my friend, are exactly like these: +if you approve not of the comparison, recollect, if you please, the +ancient Thessalian fables, and you will find that the Myrmidons, +{177} a most warlike nation, sprung originally from pismires. + +When I had thus seen and diverted myself with everything, I shook my +wings and flew off, + + "To join the sacred senate of the skies." {178a} + +Scarce had I gone a furlong, when the Moon, in a soft female voice, +cried out to me, "Menippus, will you carry something for me to +Jupiter, so may your journey be prosperous?" "With all my heart," +said I, "if it is nothing very heavy." "Only a message," replied +she, "a small petition to him: my patience is absolutely worn out +by the philosophers, who are perpetually disputing about me, who I +am, of what size, how it happens that I am sometimes round and full, +at others cut in half; some say I am inhabited, others that I am +only a looking-glass hanging over the sea, and a hundred conjectures +of this kind; even my light, {178b} they say, is none of my own, but +stolen from the Sun; thus endeavouring to set me and my brother +together by the ears, not content with abusing him, and calling him +a hot stone, and a mass of fire. In the meantime, I am no stranger +to what these men, who look so grave and sour all day, are doing o' +nights; but I see and say nothing, not thinking it decent to lay +open their vile and abominable lives to the public; for when I catch +them thieving, or practising any of their nocturnal tricks, I wrap +myself up in a cloud, that I may not expose to the world a parcel of +old fellows, who, in spite of their long beards, and professions of +virtue, are guilty of every vice, and yet they are always railing at +and abusing me. I swear by night I have often resolved to move +farther off to get out of reach of their busy tongues; and I beg you +would tell Jupiter that I cannot possibly stay here any longer, +unless he will destroy these naturalists, stop the mouths of the +logicians, throw down the Portico, burn the Academy, and make an end +of the inhabitants of Peripatus; so may I enjoy at last a little +rest, which these fellows are perpetually disturbing." "It shall be +done," said I, and away I set out for heaven, where + + "No tracks of beasts or signs of men are found." {179} + +In a little time the earth was invisible, and the moon appeared very +small; and now, leaving the sun on my right hand, I flew amongst the +stars, and on the third day reached my journey's end. At first I +intended to fly in just as I was, thinking that, being half an +eagle, I should not be discovered, as that bird was an old +acquaintance of Jupiter's, but then it occurred to me that I might +be found out by my vulture's wing, and laid hold on: deeming it, +therefore, most prudent not to run the hazard, I went up, and +knocked at the door: Mercury heard me, and asking my name, went off +immediately, and carried it to his master; soon after I was let in, +and, trembling and quaking with fear, found all the gods sitting +together, and seemingly not a little alarmed at my appearance there, +expecting probably that they should soon have a number of winged +mortals travelling up to them in the same manner: when Jupiter, +looking at me with a most severe and Titanic {180a} countenance, +cried out, + + "Say who thou art, and whence thy country, name + Thy parents--" {180b} + +At this I thought I should have died with fear; I stood motionless, +and astonished at the awfulness and majesty of his voice; but +recovering myself in a short time, I related to him everything from +the beginning, how desirous I was of knowing sublime truths, how I +went to the philosophers, and hearing them contradict one another, +and driven to despair, thought on the scheme of making me wings, +with all that had happened in my journey quite up to heaven. I then +delivered the message to him from the Moon, at which, softening his +contracted brow, he smiled at me, and cried, "What were Otus and +Ephialtes {181} in comparison of Menippus, who has thus dared to fly +up to heaven; but come, we now invite you to supper with us; to- +morrow we will attend to your business, and dismiss you." At these +words he rose up and went to that part of heaven where everything +from below could be heard most distinctly; for this, it seems, was +the time appointed to hear petitions. As we went along, he asked me +several questions about earthly matters, such as, "How much corn is +there at present in Greece? had you a hard winter last year? and did +your cabbages want rain? is any of Phidias's {182} family alive now? +what is the reason that the Athenians have left off sacrificing to +me for so many years? do they think of building up the Olympian +temple again? are the thieves taken that robbed the Dodonaean?" +When I had answered all these, "Pray, Menippus," said he, "what does +mankind really think of me?" "How should they think of you," said +I, "but with the utmost veneration, that you are the great sovereign +of the gods." "There you jest," said he, "I am sure; I know well +enough how fond they are of novelty, though you will not own it. +There was a time, indeed, when I was held in some estimation, when I +was the great physician, when I was everything, in short-- + + "When streets, and lanes, and all was full of Jove." {183a} + +Pisa {183b} and Dodona {183c} were distinguished above every place, +and I could not see for the smoke of sacrifices; but, since Apollo +has set up his oracle at Delphi, and AEsculapius practises physic at +Pergamus; since temples have been erected to Bendis {183d} at +Thrace, to Anubis in Egypt, and to Diana at Ephesus, everybody runs +after them; with them they feast, to them they offer up their +hecatombs, and think it honour enough for a worn-out god, as I am, +if they sacrifice once in six years at Olympia; whilst my altars are +as cold and neglected as Plato's laws, {184} or the syllogisms of +Chrysippus." + +With this and such-like chat we passed away the time, till we came +to the place where the petitions were to be heard. Here we found +several holes, with covers to them, and close to every one was +placed a golden chair. Jupiter sat down in the first he came to, +and lifting up the lid, listened to the prayers, which, as you may +suppose, were of various kinds. I stooped down and heard several of +them myself, such as, "O Jupiter, grant me a large empire!" "O +Jupiter, may my leeks and onions flourish and increase!" "Grant +Jupiter, that my father may die soon!" "Grant I may survive my +wife!" "Grant I may not be discovered, whilst I lay wait for my +brother!" "Grant that I may get my cause!" "Grant that I may be +crowned at Olympia!" One sailor asked for a north wind, another for +a south; the husbandman prayed for rain, and the fuller for +sunshine. Jupiter heard them all, but did not promise everybody-- + + "--some the just request, + He heard propitious, and denied the rest." {185a} + +Those prayers which he thought right and proper he let up through +the hole, and blew the wicked and foolish ones back, that they might +not rise to heaven. One petition, indeed, puzzled him a little; two +men asking favours of him directly contrary to each other, at the +same time, and promising the same sacrifice; he was at a loss which +to oblige; he became immediately a perfect Academic, and like +Pyrrho, {185b} was held in suspense between them. When he had done +with the prayers, he sat down upon the next chair, over another +hole, and listened to those who were swearing and making vows. When +he had finished this business, and destroyed Hermodorus, the +Epicurean, for perjury, he removed to the next seat, and gave +audience to the auguries, oracles, and divinations; which having +despatched, he proceeded to the hole that brought up the fume of the +victims, together with the name of the sacrificer. Then he gave out +his orders to the winds and storms: "Let there be rain to-day in +Scythia, lightning in Africa, and snow in Greece; do you, Boreas, +blow in Lydia, and whilst Notus lies still, let the north wind raise +the waves of the Adriatic, and about a thousand measures of hail be +sprinkled over Cappadocia." + +When Jupiter had done all his business we repaired to the feast, for +it was now supper-time, and Mercury bade me sit down by Pan, the +Corybantes, Attis, and Sabazius, a kind of demi-gods who are +admitted as visitors there. Ceres served us with bread, and Bacchus +with wine; Hercules handed about the flesh, Venus scattered myrtles, +and Neptune brought us fish; not to mention that I got slyly a +little nectar and ambrosia, for my friend Ganymede, out of good- +nature, if he saw Jove looking another way, would frequently throw +me in a cup or two. The greater gods, as Homer tells us {187a} +(who, I suppose, had seen them as well as myself,) never taste meat +or wine, but feed upon ambrosia and get drunk with nectar, at the +same time their greatest luxury is, instead of victuals, to suck in +the fumes that rise from the victims, and the blood of the +sacrifices that are offered up to them. Whilst we were at supper, +Apollo played on the harp, Silenus danced a cordax, and the Muses +repeated Hesiod's Theogony, and the first Ode of Pindar. When these +recreations were over we all retired tolerably well soaked, {187b} +to bed, + + "Now pleasing rest had sealed each mortal eye, + And even immortal gods in slumber lie, + All but myself--" {187c} + +I could not help thinking of a thousand things, and particularly how +it came to pass that, during so long a time Apollo {188a} should +never have got him a beard, and how there came to be night in +heaven, though the sun is always present there and feasting with +them. I slept a little, and early in the morning Jupiter ordered +the crier to summon a council of the gods, and when they were all +assembled, thus addressed himself to them. + +"The stranger who came here yesterday, is the chief cause of my +convening you this day. I have long wanted to talk with you +concerning the philosophers, and the complaints now sent to us from +the Moon make it immediately necessary to take the affair into +consideration. There is lately sprung up a race of men, slothful, +quarrelsome, vain-glorious, foolish, petulant, gluttonous, proud, +abusive, in short what Homer calls, + + "An idle burthen to the ground." {188b} + +These, dividing themselves into sects, run through all the +labyrinths of disputation, calling themselves Stoics, Academics, +Epicureans, Peripatetics, and a hundred other names still more +ridiculous; then wrapping themselves up in the sacred veil of +virtue, they contract their brows and let down their beards, under a +specious appearance hiding the most abandoned profligacy; like one +of the players on the stage, if you strip him of his fine habits +wrought with gold, all that remains behind is a ridiculous spectacle +of a little contemptible fellow, hired to appear there for seven +drachmas. And yet these men despise everybody, talk absurdly of the +gods, and drawing in a number of credulous boys, roar to them in a +tragical style about virtue, and enter into disputations that are +endless and unprofitable. To their disciples they cry up fortitude +and temperance, a contempt of riches and pleasures, and, when alone, +indulge in riot and debauchery. The most intolerable of all is, +that though they contribute nothing towards the good and welfare of +the community, though they are + + "Unknown alike in council and in field;" {189} + +yet are they perpetually finding fault with, abusing, and reviling +others, and he is counted the greatest amongst them who is most +impudent, noisy, and malevolent; if one should say to one of these +fellows who speak ill of everybody, 'What service are you of to the +commonwealth?' he would reply, if he spoke fairly and honestly, 'To +be a sailor or a soldier, or a husbandman, or a mechanic, I think +beneath me; but I can make a noise and look dirty, wash myself in +cold water, go barefoot all winter, and then, like Momus, find fault +with everybody else; if any rich man sups luxuriously, I rail at, +and abuse him; but if any of my friends or acquaintance fall sick, +and want my assistance, I take no notice of them.' + +"Such, my brother gods, are the cattle {190} which I complain of; +and of all these the Epicureans are the worst, who assert that the +gods take no care of human affairs, or look at all into them: it is +high time, my brethren, that we should take this matter into +consideration, for if once they can persuade the people to believe +these things, you must all starve; for who will sacrifice to you, +when they can get nothing by it? What the Moon accuses you of, you +all heard yesterday from the stranger; consult, therefore, amongst +yourselves, and determine what may best promote the happiness of +mankind, and our own security." When Jupiter had thus spoken, the +assembly rung with repeated cries, of "thunder, and lightning! burn, +consume, destroy! down with them into the pit, to Tartarus, and the +giants!" Jove, however, once more commanding silence, cried out, +"It shall be done as you desire; they and their philosophy shall +perish together: but at present, no punishments must be inflicted; +for these four months to come, as you all know, it is a solemn +feast, and I have declared a truce: next year, in the beginning of +the spring, my lightning shall destroy them. + +"As to Menippus, first cutting off his wings that he may not come +here again, let Mercury carry him down to the earth." + +Saying this, he broke up the assembly, and Mercury taking me up by +my right ear, brought me down, and left me yesterday evening in the +Ceramicus. And now, my friend, you have heard everything I had to +tell you from heaven; I must take my leave, and carry this good news +to the philosophers, who are walking in the Poecile. + + + +NOTES. + + + +{17} One of Alexander's generals, to whose share, on the division of +the empire, after that monarch's death, fell the kingdom of Thrace, +in which was situated the city of Abdera. + +{18a} A small fragment of this tragedy, which has in it the very +line here quoted by Lucian, is yet extant in Barnes's edition of +Euripides. + +{18b} This story may afford no useless admonition to the managers of +the Haymarket and other summer theatres, who, it is to be hoped, +will not run the hazard of inflaming their audiences with too much +tragedy in the dog days. + +{19a} This alludes to the Parthian War, in the time of Severian; the +particulars of which, except the few here occasionally glanced at, +we are strangers to. Lucian, most probably, by this tract totally +knocked up some of the historians who had given an account of it, +and prevented many others, who were intimidated by the severity of +his strictures, attempting to transmit the history of it to +posterity. + +{19b} This saying is attributed to Empedocles. + +{20a} The most famous of the Pontic cities, and well known as the +residence of the renowned Cynic philosopher. It is still called by +the same name, and is a port town of Asiatic Turkey, on the Euxine. + +{20b} A kind of school or gymnasium where the young men performed +their exercises. The choice of such a place by a philosopher to +roll a tub in heightens the ridicule. + +{21} See Homer's "Odyssey," M 1. 219. + +{23} Alluding to the story he set out with. + +{24a} [Greek]. Gr. The Latin translation renders it "octava +duplici." See Burney's "Dissertation on Music," Sect. 1. + +{24b} Gr. [Greek], aspera arteria, or the wind-pipe. The comparison +is strictly just and remarkably true, as we may all recollect how +dreadful the sensation is when any part of our food slips down what +is generally called "the wrong way." + +{25a} See Homer's "Iliad," [Greek] 1. 227, and Virgil's "Camilla," +in the 7th book of the "AEneid." + +{25b} See Homer's "Iliad," [Greek] 1. 18. One of the blind bard's +speciosa miracula, which Lucian is perpetually laughing at. + +{26} [Greek], or cerussa. Painting, we see, both amongst men and +women, was practised long ago, and has at least the plea of +antiquity in its favour. According to Lucian, the men laid on +white; for the [Greek] was probably ceruse, or white lead; the +ladies, we may suppose, as at present, preferred the rouge. + +{29} Dinocrates. The same story is told of him, with some little +alteration, by Vitruvius. Mention is made of it likewise by Pliny +and Strabo. + +{35} "His buckler's mighty orb was next displayed; + Tremendous Gorgon frowned upon its field, + And circling terrors filled the expressive shield. + Within its concave hung a silver thong, + On which a mimic serpent creeps along, + His azure length in easy waves extends, + Till, in three heads, th' embroidered monster ends." + See Pope's "Homer's Iliad," book xi., 1. 43. +Lucian here means to ridicule, not Homer, but the historian's absurd +imitation of him. + +{39} The Greek expression was proverbial. Horace has adopted it: +"Parturiunt montes, nascetur ridiculus mus." + +{40} Lucian adds, [Greek], ut est in proverbio, by which it appears +that barbers and their shops were as remarkable for gossiping and +tittle-tattle in ancient as they are in modern times. Aristophanes +mentions them in his "Plutus," they are recorded also by Plutarch, +and Theophrastus styles them [Greek]. + +{41} See Thucydides, book ii., cap. 34. + +{42} Who fell upon his sword. See the "Ajax" of Sophocles. + +{43} For a description of this famous statue, see Pausanias. + +{44} The [Greek], or scarus, is mentioned by several ancient +authors, as a fish of the most delicate flavour, and is supposed to +be of the same nature with our chars in Cumberland, and some other +parts of this kingdom. I have ventured, therefore, to call it by +this name, till some modern Apicius can furnish me with a better. + +{45} Dragons, or fiery serpents, were used by the Parthians, and +Suidas tells us, by the Scythians also, as standards, in the same +manner as the Romans made use of the eagle, and under every one of +these standards were a thousand men. See Lips. de Mil. Rom., cap. +4. + +{46} See Arrian. + +{47} The idea here so deservedly laughed at, of a history of what +was to come, if treated, not seriously, as this absurd writer +treated it, but ludicrously, as Lucian would probably have treated +it himself, might open a fine field for wit and humour. Something +of this kind appeared in a newspaper a few years ago, which, I +think, was called "News for a Hundred Years Hence;" and though but a +rough sketch, was well executed. A larger work, on the same ground, +and by a good hand, might afford much entertainment. + +{49} This kind of scholastic jargon was much in vogue in the time of +Lucian, and it is no wonder he should take every opportunity of +laughing at it, as nothing can be more opposite to true genius, wit, +and humour, than such pedantry. + +{50} Milo, the Crotonian wrestler, is reported to have been a man of +most wonderful bodily strength, concerning which a number of lies +are told, for which the reader, if he pleases, may consult his +dictionary. He lost his life, we are informed, by trying to rend +with his hands an old oak, which wedged him in, and pressed him to +death; the poet says-- + "--he met his end, + Wedged in that timber which he strove to rend." + +Titornus was a rival of Milo's, and, according to AElian, who is not +always to be credited, rolled a large stone with ease, which Milo +with all his force could not stir. Conon was some slim Macaroni of +that age, remarkable only for his debility, as was Leotrophides +also, of crazy memory, recorded by Aristophanes, in his comedy +called The Birds. + +{51} The Broughtons of antiquity; men, we may suppose, renowned in +their time for teaching the young nobility of Greece to bruise one +another secundum artem. + +{53a} See Diodorus Siculus, lib. vii., and Plutarch. + +{53b} Concerning some of these facts, even recent as they were then +with regard to us, historians are divided. Thucydides and Plutarch +tell the story one way, Diodorus and Justin another. Well might our +author, therefore, find fault with their uncertainty. + +{55a} Lucian alludes, it is supposed, to Ctesias, the physician to +Artaxerxes, whose history is stuffed with encomiums on his royal +patron. See Plutarch's "Artaxerxes." + +{55b} The Campus Nisaeus, a large plain in Media, near the Caspian +mountains, was famous for breeding the finest horses, which were +allotted to the use of kings only; or, according to Xenophon, those +favourites on whom the sovereign thought proper to bestow them. See +the "Cyropaed.," book viii. + +{56} This fine picture of a good historian has been copied by Tully, +Strabo, Polybius, and other writers; it is a standard of perfection, +however, which few writers, ancient or modern, have been able to +reach. Thuanus has prefixed to his history these lines of Lucian; +but whether he, or any other historian, hath answered in every point +to the description here given, is, I believe, yet undetermined. + +{57a} The saying is attributed to Aristophanes, though I cannot find +it there. It is observable that this proverbial kind of expression, +for freedom of words and sentiments, has been adopted into almost +every language, though the image conveying it is different. Thus +the Greeks call a fig a fig, etc. We say, an honest man calls a +spade a spade; and the French call "un chat un chat." Boileau says, +"J'appelle un chat un chat, et Rolet un fripon." + +{57b} Herodotus's history is comprehended in nine books, to each of +which is prefixed the name of a Muse; the first is called Clio, the +second Euterpe, and so on. A modern poet, I have been told, the +ingenious Mr. Aaron Hill, improved upon this thought, and christened +(if we may properly so call it), not his books, but his daughters by +the same poetical names of Miss Cli, Miss Melp-y, Miss Terps-y, Miss +Urania, etc. + +{58} Both Thucydides and Livy are reprehensible in this particular; +and the same objection may be made to Thuanus, Clarendon, Burnet, +and many other modern historians. + +{59} How just is this observation of Lucian's, and at the same time +how truly poetical is the image which he makes use of to express it! +It puts us in mind of his rival critic Longinus, who, as Pope has +observed, is himself the great sublime he draws. + +{60} By this very just observation, Lucian means to censure all +those writers--and we have many such now amongst us--who take so +much pains to smooth and round their periods, as to disgust their +readers by the frequent repetition of it, as it naturally produces a +tiresome sameness in the sound of them; and at the same time +discovers too much that laborious art and care, which it is always +the author's business as much as possible to conceal. + +{61} See Homer's "Iliad," bk. xiii., 1. 4. + +{62a} The famous Lacedaemonian general. The circumstance alluded to +is in Thucydides, bk. iv. + +{62b} Gr. [Greek], a technical term, borrowed from music, and +signifying that tone of the voice which exactly corresponds with the +instrument accompanying it. + +{66a} A coarse fish that came from Pontus, or the Black Sea.-- +Saperdas advehe Ponto. See Pers. Sat. v. 1. 134. + +{66b} Here doctors differ. Several of Thucydides's descriptions are +certainly very long, many of them, perhaps, rather tedious. + +{67} Lucian is rather severe on this writer. Cicero only says, De +omnibus omnia libere palam dixit; he spoke freely of everybody. +Other writers, however, are of the same opinion with our satirist +with regard to him. See Dions. Plutarch. Cornelius Nepos, etc. + +{69} Alluding to the story of Diogenes, as related in the beginning. + +{75} See Homer's "Odyssey."--The strange stories which Lucian here +mentions may certainly be numbered, with all due deference to so +great a name, amongst the nugae canorae of old Homer. Juvenal +certainly considers them in this light when he says:-- + + Tam vacui capitis populum Phaeaca putavit. + +Some modern critics, however, have endeavoured to defend them. + +{77} Here the history begins, what goes before may be considered as +the author's preface, and should have been marked as such in the +original. + +{79} Among the Greek wines, so much admired by ancient Epicures, +those of the islands of the Archipelago were the most celebrated, +and of these the Chian wine, the product of Chios, bore away the +palm from every other, and particularly that which was made from +vines growing on the mountain called Arevisia, in testimony of which +it were easy, if necessary, to produce an amphora full of classical +quotations. + +The present inhabitants of that island make a small quantity of +excellent wine for their own use and are liberal of it to strangers +who travel that way, but dare not, being under Turkish government, +cultivate the vines well, or export the product of them. + +{81a} In the same manner as Gulliver's island of Laputa.--From this +passage it is not improbable but that Swift borrowed the idea. + +{81b} The account which Lucian here gives us of his visit to the +moon, perhaps suggested to Bergerac the idea of his ingenious work, +called "A Voyage to the Moon." + +{82a} Equi vultures, horse vultures; from [Greek], a horse: and +[Greek], a vulture. + +{82b} Lucian, we see, has founded his history on matter of fact. +Endymion, we all know, was a king of Elis, though some call him a +shepherd. Shepherd or king, however, he was so handsome, that the +moon, who saw him sleeping on Mount Latmos, fell in love with him. +This no orthodox heathen ever doubted: Lucian, who was a +freethinker, laughs indeed at the tale; but has made him ample +amends in this history by creating him emperor of the moon. + +{83a} Modern astronomers are, I, think, agreed, that we are to the +moon just the same as the moon is to us. Though Lucian's history +may be false, therefore his philosophy, we see, was true (1780). +(The moon is not habitable, 1887.) + +{83b} This I am afraid, is not so agreeable to the modern system; +our philosophers all asserting that the sun is not habitable. As it +is a place, however, which we are very little acquainted with, they +may be mistaken, and Lucian may guess as well as ourselves, for +aught we can prove to the contrary. + +{84} Horse ants, from [Greek], a horse; and [Greek], an ant. + +{85a} From [Greek], olus, any kind of herb; and [Greek], penna, a +wing. + +{85b} Millii jaculatores, darters of millet; millet is a kind of +small grain.--A strange species of warriors! + +{85c} Alliis pugnantes, garlic fighters: these we are to suppose +threw garlic at the enemy, and served as a kind of stinkpots. + +{85d} Pulici sagittarii, flea-archers. + +{85e} Venti cursores, wind courser. + +{86a} Passeres glandium, acorn sparrows. + +{86b} Equi grues, horse-cranes. + +{87a} Air-flies. + +{87b} Gr. [Greek], air-crows; but as all crows fly through the air, +I would rather read [Greek], which may be translated air-dancers, +from [Greek], cordax, a lascivious kind of dance, so called. + +{88a} Gr. [Greek], Caulo fungi, stalk and mushroom men. + +{88b} Gr. [Greek], cani glandacii, acorn-dogs. + +{88c} Gr. [Greek], nubicentauri, cloud-centaurs. + +{88d} The reason for this wish is given a little farther on in the +History. + +{89} See Hom. Il. II.. 1, 459. + +{90a} Some authors tell us that Sagittarius was the same as Chiron +the centaur; others, that he was Crocus, a famous hunter, the son of +Euphemia, who nursed the Muses, at whose intercession, he was, after +his death, promoted to the ninth place in the Zodiac, under the name +of Sagittarius. + +{90b} The inhabitants of the moon. + +{92} A good burlesque on the usual form and style of treaties. + +{93} Gr. [Greek], ignens, fiery, [Greek], flaming, [Greek], +nocturnus, nightly, [Greek], menstruus, monthly, [Greek], multi +lucius, many lights. These all make good proper names in Greek, and +sound magnificently, but do not answer so well in English. I have +therefore preserved the original words in the translation. + +{94} Here Lucian, like other story-tellers, is a little deficient in +point of memory. If they eat, as he tells us, nothing but frogs, +what use could they have for cheese? + +{96} Of which we shall see an account in the next adventure. + +{97} The city of Lamps. + +{98a} The cloud cuckoo. + +{98b} See his comedy of the Birds. + +{104a} Salsamentarii: Salt-fish-men. + +{104b} Triton-weasels. + +{104c} Greek, [Greek], cancri-mani, crab's hands. + +{104d} Thynno-cipites, tunny-heads, i.e., men with heads like those +of the tunny-fish. + +{105a} Greek, [Greek], crab-men. + +{105b} [Greek], sparrow-footed, from [Greek], passer marinus. + +{109} Maris potor, the drinker up of the sea. AEolocentaurus and +Thalassopotes were, I suppose, two Leviathans. + +{113} One of the fifty Nereids, or Sea-Nymphs; so called, on account +of the fairness of her skin: from [Greek], gala, milk; of the milky +island, therefore, she was naturally the presiding deity. + +{114a} Tyro, according to Homer, fell in love with the famous river +Enipeus, and was always wandering on its banks, where Neptune found +her, covered her with his waves, and throwing her into a deep sleep, +supplied the place of Enipeus. Lucian has made her amends, by +bestowing one of his imaginary kingdoms upon her. His part of the +story, however, is full as probable as the rest. + +{114b} Suberipedes, cork-footed. + +{116a} This description of the Pagan Elysium, or Island of the +Blessed, is well drawn, and abounds in fanciful and picturesque +imagery, interspersed with strokes of humour and satire. The second +book is, indeed, throughout, more entertaining and better written +than the first. + +{116b} See the Ajax Flagellifer of Sophocles. Lucian humorously +degrades him from the character of a hero, and gives him hellebore +as a madman. + +{118} It is not improbable but that Voltaire's El Dorado in his +"Candide," might have been suggested to him by this passage. + +{119} I.e. Their appearance is exactly like that of shadows made by +the sun at noonday, with this only difference, that one lies flat on +the ground, the other is erect, and one is dark, the other light or +diaphanous. Our vulgar idea of ghosts, especially with regard to +their not being tangible, corresponds with this of Lucian's. + +{121a} A famous musician. Clemens Alexandrinus gives us a full +account of him, to whom I refer the curious reader. + +{121b} This poet, we are told, wrote some severe verses on Helen, +for which he was punished by Castor and Pollux with loss of sight, +but on making his recantation in a palinodia, his eyes were +graciously restored to him. Lucian has affronted her still more +grossly by making her run away with Cinyrus; but he, we are to +suppose, being not over superstitious, defied the power of Castor +and Pollux. + +{122a} Nothing appears more ridiculous to a modern reader than the +perpetual encomiums on the musical merit of swans and swallows, +which we meet with in all the writers of antiquity. A proper +account and explanation of this is, I think, amongst the desiderata +of literature. There is an entertaining tract on this subject in +the "Hist. de l'Acad." tom. v., by M. Morin. + +{122b} Who ravished Cassandra, the daughter of Priam and priestess +of Minerva, who sent a tempest, dispersed the Grecian navy in their +return home, and sunk Ajax with a thunder-bolt. + +{123a} A scholar of Pythagoras. + +{123b} The second king of Rome. + +{123c} One of the seven sages, but excepted against by Lucian, +because he was king of Corinth and a tyrant. + +{123d} See his Treatise "de Republica." His quitting Elysium, to +live in his own republic, is a stroke of true humour. + +{124a} Alluding to a passage in Hesiod already quoted. + +{124b} Lucian laughs at the sceptics, though he was himself one of +them. + +{126} Death-games, or games after death, in imitation of wedding- +games, funeral-games, etc. + +{127a} The famous tyrant of Agrigentum, renowned for his ingenious +contrivance of roasting his enemies in a brazen bull, and not less +memorable for some excellent epistles, which set a wit and scholar +together by the ears concerning the genuineness of them. See the +famous contest between Bentley and Boyle. + +{127b} Who sacrificed to Jupiter all the strangers that came into +his kingdom. "Hospites violabat," says Seneca, "ut eorum sanguine +pluviam eliceret, cujus penuria AEgyptus novem annis laboraverat." +A most ingenious contrivance. + +{128a} A king of Thrace who fed his horses with human flesh. + +{128b} Scyron and Pityocamptes were two famous robbers, who used to +seize on travellers and commit the most horrid cruelties upon them. +They were slain by Theseus. See Plutarch's "Life of Theseus." + +{128c} Where he ran away, but, as we are told, in very good company. +See Diog. Laert. Strabo, etc. + +{132} The Antipodes. We never heard whether Lucian performed this +voyage. D'Ablancourt, however, his French translator, in his +continuation of the "True History," has done it for him, not without +some humour, though it is by no means equal to the original. + +{135a} Voltaire has improved on this passage, and given us a very +humorous account of "les Habitans de l'Enfer," in his wicked +"Pucelle." + +{135b} Who, the reader will remember, had just before run off with +Helen. + +{136a} Greek, [Greek], sleep. + +{136b} As herald of the morn. + +{136c} A root which, infused, is supposed to promote sleep, +consequently very proper for the Island of Dreams. + + "Not poppy, nor mandragora, + Nor all the drowsy syrups of the East, + Shall ever medicine thee to that sweet sleep + Which thou ow'dst yesterday." + See Shakespeare's "Othello." + +{136d} Night wanderer. + +{137a} Gr. [Greek], inexperrectus, unwaked or wakeful. + +{137b} Gr. [Greek], pernox, all night. + +{137c} "Two portals firm the various phantoms keep; + Of ev'ry one; whence flit, to mock the brain, + Of winged lies a light fantastic train; + The gate opposed pellucid valves adorn, + And columns fair, encased with polished horn; + Where images of truth for passage wait." + See Pope's Homer's "Odyssey," bk. xix., 1. +637. +See also Virgil, who has pretty closely imitated his master. + +{138a} Gr. [Greek], terriculum vanipori: fright, the son of vain +hope, or disappointment. + +{138b} Gr. [Greek], divitiglorium, the pride of riches--i.e., +arising from riches; son of phantasy, or deceit. + +{138c} Gr. [Greek], gravi-somnem, heavy sleep. + +{141a} Nut sailors; or, sailors in a nut-shell. + +{141b} Those who sailed in the gourds. + +{147a} Cabalusa and Hydamardia are hard words, which the +commentators confess they can make nothing of. Various, however, +are the derivations, and numerous the guesses made about them. The +English reader may, if he pleases, call them not improperly, +especially the first, Cabalistic. + +{147b} Which the reader will remember was given him by way of charm, +on his departure from the Happy Island. + +{148} Gr. [Greek], asini-eruras, ass-legged. + +{149} The ensuing books never appeared. The "True History," like + + --"the bear and fiddle, + Begins, but breaks off in the middle." + +D'Ablancourt, as I observed above, has carried it on a little +farther. There is still room for any ingenious modern to take the +plan from Lucian, and improve upon it. + +{153} The ancient Greek stadium is supposed to have contained a +hundred and twenty-five geometrical paces, or six hundred and +twenty-five Roman feet, corresponding to our furlong. Eight stadia +make a geometrical, or Italian mile; and twenty, according to +Dacier, a French league. It is observed, notwithstanding, by +Guilletiere, a famous French writer, that the stadium was only six +hundred Athenian feet, six hundred and four English feet, or a +hundred and three geometrical paces. + +The Greeks measured all their distances by stadia, which, after all +we can discover concerning them, are different in different times +and places. + +{154} The Phoenicians, it is supposed, were the first sailors, and +steered their course according to the appearance of the stars. + +{155} Greek, [Greek], coelicoloe, Homer's general name for the gods. + +{156} Ganymede, whom Jupiter fell in love with, as he was hunting on +Mount Ida, and turning himself into an eagle, carried up with him to +heaven. "I am sure," says Menippus's friend, archly enough, "you +were not carried up there, like Ganymede, for your beauty." + +{157a} "Icarus Icariis nomina fecit aquis." The story is too well +known to stand in need of any illustration. This accounts for the +title of Icaro-Menippus. + +{157b} See Bishop Wilkins's "Art of Flying," where this ingenious +contrivance of Menippus's is greatly improved upon. For a humorous +detail of the many advantages attending this noble art, I refer my +readers to the Spectator. + +{159} Even Lucian's Menippus, we see, could not reflect on the works +of God without admiration; but with how much more dignity are they +considered by the holy Psalmist!-- + +"O praise the Lord of heaven, praise Him in the height. Praise Him, +sun and moon; praise Him, all ye stars; praise the Lord upon earth, +ye dragons and all deeps; fire and hail, snow and vapours, wind and +storm fulfilling His word."--Psalm cxlviii. + +{161} This was the opinion of Anaxagoras, one of the Ionic +philosophers, born at Clazomene, in the first year of the seventieth +Olympiad. See Plutarch and Diogenes Laert. + +{162} Alluding to the doctrines of Plato and Aristotle. + +{163a} This was the opinion of Democritus, who held that there were +infinite worlds in infinite space, according to all circumstances, +some of which are not only like to one another, but every way so +perfectly and absolutely equal, that there is no difference betwixt +them. See Plutarch, and Tully, Quest. Acad. + +{163b} Empedocles, of Agrigentum, a Pythagorean; he held that there +are two principal powers in nature, amity and discord, and that + + "Sometimes by friendship, all are knit in one, + Sometimes by discord, severed and undone." + See Stanley's "Lives of the Philosophers." + +{163c} Alluding to the doctrine of Pythagoras, according to whom, +number is the principle most providential of all heaven and earth, +the root of divine beings, of gods and demons, the fountain and root +of all things; that which, before all things, exists in the divine +mind, from which, and out of which, all things are digested into +order, and remain numbered by an indissoluble series. The whole +system of the Pythagoreans is at large explained and illustrated by +Stanley. See his "Lives of Philosophers." + +{164} See our author's "Auction of Lives," where Socrates swears by +the dog and the plane-tree. + +This was called the [Greek], or oath of Rhadamanthus, who, as +Porphyry informs us, made a law that men should swear, if they needs +must swear, by geese, dogs, etc. [Greek], that they might not, on +every trifling occasion, call in the name of the gods. This is a +kind of religious reason, the custom was therefore, Porphyry tells +us, adopted by the wise and pious Socrates. Lucian, however, who +laughs at everything here (as well as the place above quoted), +ridicules him for it. + +{165a} See Homer's "Odyssey," book ix. 1. 302. Pope translates it +badly, + + "Wisdom held my hand." + +Homer says nothing but--my mind changed. + +{165b} One of the fables here alluded to is yet extant amongst those +ascribed to AEsop, but that concerning the camel I never met with. + +{166a} That part of Athens which was called the upper city, in +opposition to the lower city. The Acropolis was on the top of a +high rock. + +{166b} Mountains near Athens. + +{166c} A mountain between Geranea and Corinth. + +{166d} A high mountain in Arcadia, to the west of Elis. Erymanthus +another, bordering upon Achaia. Taygetus another, reaching +northwards, to the foot of the mountains of Arcadia. + +{167} See Homer's "Iliad," book xiii. 1. 4 + +{168} See note on this in a former dialogue. + +{169} It is reported of Empedocles, that he went to AEtna, where he +leaped into the fire, that he might leave behind him an opinion that +he was a god, and that it was afterwards discovered by one of his +sandals, which the fire cast up again, for his sandals were of +brass. See Stanley's "Lives of the Philosophers." The manner of +his death is related differently by different authors. This was, +however, the generally received fable. Lucian, with an equal degree +of probability, carries him up to the moon. + +{170} See Homer's Odyssey, b. xvi. 1. 187. The speech of Ulysses to +his son, on the discovery. + +{171} When Empedocles is got into the moon, Lucian makes him swear +by Endymion in compliment to his sovereign lady. + +{172a} Agathocles. + +{172b} Stratonice. + +{173} Of Achilles. See the 18th book of the "Iliad." + +{175a} Greek, [Greek]. + +{175b} Sicyon was a city near Corinth, famous for the richness and +felicity of its soil. + +{176a} The famous Ager Cynurius, a little district of Laconia, on +the confines of Argolis; the Argives and Spartans, whom it laid +between, agreed to decide the property of it by three hundred men of +a side in the field: the battle was bloody and desperate, only one +man remaining alive, Othryades, the Lacedaemonian, who immediately, +though covered with wounds, raised a trophy, which he inscribed with +his own blood, to Jupiter Tropaeus. This victory the Spartans, who +from that time had quiet possession of the field, yearly celebrated +with a festival, to commemorate the event. + +{176b} A mountain of Thrace. Dion Cassius places it near Philippi. +It was supposed to have abounded in golden mines in some parts of +it. + +{177} When AEacus was king of Thessaly, his kingdom was almost +depopulated by a dreadful pestilence; he prayed to Jupiter to avert +the distemper, and dreamed that he saw an innumerable quantity of +ants creep out of an old oak, which were immediately turned into +men; when he awoke the dream was fulfilled, and he found his kingdom +more populous than ever; from that time the people were called +Myrmidons. Such is the fable, which owed its rise merely to the +name of Myrmidons, which it was supposed must come from [Greek], an +ant. To some such trifling circumstances as these we are indebted +for half the fables of antiquity. + +{178a} See Homer's "Iliad," book i. 1. 294. + +{178b} This was the opinion of Anaxagoras, and is confirmed by the +more accurate observations of modern philosophy. + +{179} See Pope's Homer's "Odyssey," book x. 1. 113. + +{180a} I.e. Such a countenance as he put on when he slew the +rebellious Titans. + +{180b} See Homer's "Odyssey," A. v. 170 + +{181} Otus and Ephialtes were two giants of an enormous size; some +of the ancients, who, no doubt, were exact in their measurement, +assure us that, at nine years old, they were nine cubits round, and +thirty-six high, and grew in proportion, till they thought proper to +attack and endeavour to dethrone Jupiter; for which purpose they +piled mount Ossa and Pelion upon Olympus, made Mars prisoner, and +played several tricks of this kind, till Diana, by artifice, subdued +them, contriving, some way or other, to make them shoot their arrows +against, and destroy each other, after which Jupiter sent them down +to Tartarus. Some attribute to Apollo the honour of conquering +them. This story has been explained, and allegorised, and tortured +so many different ways, that it is not easy to unravel the +foundation of it. + +{182} Jupiter thought himself, we may suppose, much obliged to +Phidias for the famous statue which he had made of him, and +therefore, in return, complaisantly inquires after his family. + +{183a} From Aratus. + +{183b} A city of Elis, where there was a temple dedicated to +Olympian Jupiter, and public games celebrated every fifth year. + +{183c} A city of Thessaly, where there was a temple to Jove; this +was likewise the seat of the famous oracle. + +{183d} A goddess worshipped in Thrace. Hesychius says this was only +another name for Diana. See Strabo. + +{184} Alluding to his Republic, which probably was considered by +Lucian and others as a kind of Utopian system. + +{185a} See Homer's "Iliad," book xvi. 1. 250. + +{185b} Of Elis, founder of the Sceptic sect, who doubted of +everything. He flourished about the hundred and tenth Olympiad. + +{187a} [Greek] + "--Not the bread of man their life sustains, + Nor wine's inflaming juice supplies their veins." + See Pope's Homer's "Iliad," book v. 1. 425. + +{187b} Greek, [Greek]. + +{187c} See the beginning of the second book of the "Iliad." + +{188a} Apollo is always represented as imberbis, or without a beard, +probably from a notion that Phoebus, or the sun, must be always +young. + +{188b} See Homer's "Iliad," book xviii. 1. 134. + +{189} See Homer's "Iliad," book ii. 1. 238. + +{190} Greek, [Greek], what Virgil calls, ignavum pecus. + + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TRIPS TO THE MOON*** + + +******* This file should be named 10430.txt or 10430.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/4/3/10430 + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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