diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'old/10292.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10292.txt | 2646 |
1 files changed, 2646 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/old/10292.txt b/old/10292.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9910617 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10292.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2646 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 36, December 3, 1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 36, December 3, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: November 26, 2003 [EBook #10292] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO 36 *** + + + + +Produced by Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze and PG Distributed +Proofreaders + + + + + + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | CONANT'S | + | | + | PATENT BINDERS | + | | + | FOR | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO," | + | | + | to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent post-paid, | + | on receipt of One Dollar, by | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street, New York City. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | We will Mail Free | + | | + | A COVER, | + | | + | Lettered and Stamped, with New Title-Page, | + | | + | FOR BINDING | + | | + | FIRST VOLUME, | + | | + | On Receipt of 50 Cents, | + | | + | OR THE | + | | + | TITLE-PAGE ALONE, FREE, | + | | + | On application to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HARRISON, BRADFORD & CO.'S | + | | + | STEEL PENS. | + | | + | These Pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and | + | cheaper than any other Pen in the market. Special attention | + | is called to the following grades, as being better suited | + | for business purposes than any Pen manufactured. The | + | | + | "505," "22," and the "Anti-Corrosive," | + | | + | we recommend for Bank and Office use. | + | | + | D. APPLETON & CO., | + | | + | Sole Agents for United States. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +Vol. II. No. 36. + + +PUNCHINELLO + + +SATURDAY, DECEMBER 3, 1870. + + +PUBLISHED BY THE + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, + +83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK. + + * * * * * + +PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Joy of Autumn," "Prairie +Flowers," "Lake George," "West Point," "Beethoven," large +and small. + +PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the +world. + +PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of +stamp. + +L. PRANG & CO., Boston. + + * * * * * + +[Sidenote: See 15th Page for Extra Premiums.] + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bound Volume No. 1. | + | | + | The first volume of PUNCHINELLO--the only first-class, | + | original, illustrated, humorous and satirical weekly paper | + | published in this country--ending with No. 26, September 24, | + | 1870, | + | | + | Bound In Extra Cloth, | + | | + | is now ready for delivery, | + | | + | PRICE $2.50. | + | | + | Sent postpaid to any part of the United States on receipt of | + | price. | + | | + | A copy of the paper for one year, from October 1st, No. 27, | + | and the Bound Volume (the latter prepaid), will be sent to | + | any subscriber for $5.50. | + | | + | Three copies for one year, and three Bound Volumes, with an | + | extra copy of Bound Volume, to any person sending us three | + | subscriptions for $16.50. | + | | + | One copy of paper for one year, with a fine chromo premium, | + | for $4.00 | + | | + | Single copies, mailed free .10 | + | | + | Back numbers can always be supplied, as the paper is | + | electrotyped. | + | | + | Book canvassers will find this volume a | + | | + | Very Salable Book. | + | | + | Orders supplied at a very liberal discount. | + | | + | All remittances should be made in Post-Office orders. | + | | + | Canvassers wanted for the paper everywhere. Send for our | + | Special Circular. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | Punchinello Publishing Co., | + | | + | 83 NASSAU ST., N.Y. | + | | + | P.O. Box No. 2783. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO | + | | + | JOHN NICKINSON, | + | | + | ROOM No. 4, | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, N.Y. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | NEW YORK | + | | + | DAILY DEMOCRAT, | + | | + | _AN EVENING PAPER._ | + | | + | JAMES H. LAMBERT, | + | | + | EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR. | + | | + | All the news fifteen hours in advance of Morning Papers. | + | | + | PRICE TWO CENTS. | + | | + | Subscription price by mail, $6.00. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | TO NEWS-DEALERS. | + | | + | Punchinello's Monthly. | + | | + | The Weekly Numbers for October | + | | + | Bound in a Handsome Cover, | + | | + | Is now ready. Price 40 cents. | + | | + | THE TRADE | + | | + | Supplied by the | + | | + | AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, | + | | + | Who are now prepared to receive orders. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bowling Green Savings-Bank, | + | | + | 33 BROADWAY, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + | Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 8 P.M. | + | | + | _Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents | + | to Ten Thousand Dollars, will be received._ | + | | + | Six Per Cent. Interest, | + | Free of Government Tax. | + | | + | INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS | + | | + | Commences on the First of every Month. | + | | + | HENRY SMITH, _President._ | + | | + | REEVES E. SELMES, _Secretary._ | + | | + | WALTER ROCHE, EDWARD HOGAN, _Vice-Presidents._ | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FACTS FOR THE LADIES. | + | | + | I have a Wheeler & Wilson machine (No. 289), bought of Mr. | + | Gardner in 1853, he having used it a year. I have used it | + | constantly, in shirt manufacturing as well as family sewing, | + | sixteen years. My wife ran it four years, and earned between | + | $700 and $800, besides doing her housework. I have never | + | expended fifty cents on it for repairs. It is, to-day, in | + | the best of order, stitching fine linen bosoms nicely. I | + | started manufacturing shirts with this machine, and now have | + | over one hundred of them in use. I have paid at least $3,000 | + | for the stitching done by this old machine, and it will do | + | as much now as any machine I have. | + | | + | W.F. TAYLOR. | + | | + | BERLIN, N.Y. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | 500 VOLUMES IN ONE: | + | | + | AGENTS WANTED | + | | + | FOR | + | | + | The Library of Poetry and Song. | + | | + | _Being Choice Selections from the Best Poets,_ | + | | + | ENGLISH, SCOTCH, IRISH, AND AMERICAN, | + | | + | With an Introduction by | + | | + | WILLIAM CULLEN BRYANT. | + | | + | This volume is the handsomest and cheapest subscription book | + | extant, and contains in itself more to give it enduring fame | + | and make it universally popular than any book ever | + | published. It is something in it, of _the best_, for every | + | one--for the old, the middle aged, and the young. It has | + | intellectual food for every taste and for every mood and | + | phase of human feeling, from the merriest humor up, through | + | all the gradations of feeling, to the most touching and | + | tender pathos. Excepting the Bible, this will be the book | + | most loved, and the most frequently referred to in the | + | family. | + | | + | The whole work, page by page, poem by poem, has passed under | + | the educated criticism and scholarly eye of WILLIAM CULLEN | + | BRYANT, a man reverenced among men, a poet great among | + | poets. | + | | + | _This is a Library of over_ 500 _Volumes in one book_, whose | + | contents, of no ephemeral nature or interest, will never | + | grow old or stale. It can be, and will be, read and re-read | + | with pleasure as long as its leaves hold together. Over 800 | + | pages beautifully printed, choicely illustrated, handsomely | + | bound. Sold only through Agents, by subscription. | + | | + | Teachers, Clergymen, active Men, intelligent Women, can all | + | secure good pay with light work by taking an agency for this | + | book. Terms very liberal. | + | | + | Send for Circular containing full particulars to | + | | + | J.B. FORD & CO., 39 Park Row, N.Y. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FOLEY'S | + | | + | GOLD PENS. | + | | + | THE BEST AND CHEAPEST. | + | | + | 256 BROADWAY | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | The only Journal of its kind in America!! | + | | + | The American Chemist: | + | | + | A MONTHLY JOURNAL | + | | + | OF | + | | + | Theoretical, Analytical, and Technical Chemistry | + | | + | DEVOTED ESPECIALLY TO AMERICAN INTERESTS. | + | | + | EDITED BY Chas. F. Chandler, Ph.D., & W. H. Chandler. | + | | + | The columns of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST are open for the | + | reception of original articles from any part of the country, | + | subject to approval of the editor. Letters of inquiry on any | + | point of interest within the scope of the Journal will | + | receive prompt attention. | + | | + | THE AMERICAN CHEMIST | + | | + | Is a Journal of especial interest to | + | | + | SCHOOLS AND MEN OF SCIENCE, TO COLLEGES, APOTHECARIES, | + | DRUGGISTS, PHYSICIANS, ASSAYERS, DYERS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, | + | MANUFACTURERS. | + | | + | And all concerned in scientific pursuits. Subscription, | + | $5.00 per annum. In advance. 50 cts. per number. Specimen | + | copies, 25 cts. | + | | + | Address WILLIAM BALDWIN & CO., | + | | + | Publishers and Proprietors, | + | | + | 434 Broome Street, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Office of the Librarian of +Congress at Washington. + + * * * * * + +MAN AND WIVES. + +A TRAVESTY. + +By MOSE SKINNER. + +CHAPTER SECOND. + +LOVE. + +The Hon. MICHAEL LADLE and ARCHIBALD BLINKSOP were interrupted in their +conversation by BELINDA, who sent off the former under pretence that the +croquet players were waiting for him, or, as she expressed it, it was +"his turn to mallet." + +As soon as he was fairly out of sight, she turned to ARCHIBALD, and +said; "Come with me." + +"What for?" said ARCHIBALD, as she seized him by the arm and hurried him +into the shrubbery. "Recollect," he added, "that I am an orphan, with a +constitution never robust." + +She made no reply till they were screened from observation. + +"You needn't be afraid, you little fool," she said. "Sit down on that +stump." + +ARCHIBALD tremblingly obeyed her. + +She imprisoned his fluttering hand in hers, and smoothed his hair +reassuringly. + +"ARCHIE," she murmured; "_dear_ ARCHIE." + +"Oh, don't, _don't_ talk that way," said ARCHIBALD. "You make me afraid +of you." + +"Afraid!" she returned. "And of _me_? Oh cruel, cruel ARCHIBALD. Is it +for this that I have passed many a sleepless night, awaking unrefreshed +with haggard orbs? Is it for this that I've pined away and refused meat +victuals?" + +She paused. Her heart was beating violently. She took from her pocket a +copy of the _Ledger_, adjusted her eye-glasses, and continued: + +"ARCHIBALD BLINKSOP, for weeks I have basked in the sunlight of your +existence. Your celestial smile, shedding a tranquil calm o'er my +perturbed spirit, has been my daily sustenance. Your ethereal form, +beautiful as an houri, has, with its subtle fascination, enthralled and +steeped in bliss my innermost soul, lifting me as it were into a purer, +a holier existence. Your--" + +"Oh-h," moaned the wretched ARCHIBALD, "_please_ stop. That's COBB, Jr. +I _know_ it is. When I was sea-sick on the canal, they read a chapter to +me just like that, instead of giving me an emetic, and I was out of my +head all next day." + +"But you _do_ love me, don't you, ARCHIBALD?--just a very small +fragment, you know." + +She seized him by the ear and kissed him twice. + +"Come, own up now," said she, "that from the first moment you saw me, +you have felt a sort of a spooney hankering, and a general looseness, +including a desire to write poetry and use hair-oil, and wear pretty +neckties; a sort of a feeling that your clothes don't fit you, and you +can't bear the sight of gravy, and dote on lavender kids, and want to +part your hair in the middle. _That's_ being in love, ARCHIE. That's--" + +At this juncture voices were heard calling for ARCHIBALD. + +"Oh, do, _do_ let me go," he pleaded. + +BELINDA grasped him firmly by the collar. "Heaven knows," said she +impressively, "that I have wooed you thus far in a spirit of the most +delicate consideration. Now, I mean business, I want a husband, and by +the Sixteenth Amendment, you don't stir from this spot, until you +promise to marry me!" + +"But--but--I don't want to get married," said ARCHIBALD; "I--I--ain't +old enough." + +She glared at him menacingly. + +"Am I to understand then," she shrieked, "that you dare refuse me?" And +she laughed hysterically. + +"Oh, no, no. I wouldn't. Of course I wouldn't," groaned the ghastly +youth. "I'll promise _anything_, if you'll only let me go." + + +Thus it was, mid the hushed repose of that lovely June twilight, while +all Nature seemed to pronounce a sweet benediction, that these loving +hearts commingled. The soft hum of the June-bug seemed to have a sweeter +sound, and the little fly walked unmolested across their foreheads, for +they were betrothed. + + +CHAPTER THIRD. + +WHERE THE WOODBINE TWINETH. + +Notwithstanding the thrilling events enacted near by, that modest +production of Nature, the woodbine, still continued to twine in all its +pristine virginity. And meanwhile, JEFFRY MAULBOY is at the appointed +rendezvous, waiting for ANN BRUMMET. + +She comes. + +But why that glazed expression, and that convulsive twitching of the +lips? + +She is chewing gum. + +"Hilloa, JEFF," said she. "Mean thing. Been here a whole day, and not a +single word about my new overskirt. How does it hang behind?" + +What reply does this cruel, this heartless man make? + +He took a chew of tobacco, and said: + +"Oh, bother your overskirt. Is that the 'something very particular' you +wanted to see me for?" + +"Oh no," she replied; "I forgot." She looked cautiously round, and +added: + +"Say, JEFF, folks are talking about us awfully." + +"Let 'em talk," was the rejoinder. + +"Oh, yes," she replied. "Of course _you_ don't care. The more a man is +talked about the better he likes it, and the more he's thought of. But +it's death to a woman." + +"Well, I don't care any way," said JEFFRY. + +"Yes you do care too," she replied. S'posen it should get to the ears of +that rich widow you're engaged to. 'Twould be all up with you _there_, +sure, JEFF. She ain't burdened with principle, the Lord knows, but she's +got jealousy enough to break the match short off, and kill you besides, +if she hears of it. + +"And she'll hear of it anyhow, if they keep up their infernal clack," +said he fiercely. "I'd like to choke the whole confounded pack." + +"The talk would all die out," said ANN slowly, "if I should go away." + +"Any fool can see that," replied he. "What do you mean?" + +"I've been thinking of going," she continued, "for six months. I'm a +poor relation, and Mrs. LADLE hates me. And as for BELINDA, she has so +many good clothes, I can't take any comfort seeing her round." + +"Where to?" inquired JEFFRY incredulously. + +"Oh, anywhere," she replied. "I can dance a jig, you know. I'll go to +New York, and let myself as the 'Eminent and Graceful Queen of +Terpsichore, imported from Paris at a cost of Forty Thousand Dollars in +Gold.' And then I'll make a tour of the New England States. Or I'll +learn to play the banjo and get off slang phrases, and then I'll appear +as 'The Beautiful and Gifted Artist, ANNETTA BRUMMETTA, who has, by her +guileless vivacity, charmed our most Fashionable Circles.' Or I'll go as +Assistant Teacher in a Select Boarding School for Young Ladies. I ain't +proud, you know." + +JEFFRY grinned. "Let me advise you," said he, "to go right off +to-morrow. I'll help you pack your trunk inside of an hour, if you say +so." + +"That ain't the point," she retorted sharply. "I ain't got rid of so +easily as _that_, I tell you." + +"What do you mean by that?" he inquired, with a scowl. + +"I mean just this," she returned. "I won't go at all if you don't do +what's right by me. If you'll agree to my terms I'll go, and not +without." + +"Your _terms_!" said he, with a sneer. "Well, that _is_ a go. What may +your 'terms' be?" he continued, derisively. + +"Marriage," replied she; "private if you say so, and a remittance of +fifty dollars a month for six months." + +He laughed in her face. "Marry _you_? Well, I guess not," said he. "Do +you take me for an idiot?" + +"You ain't obliged to stick by it," she continued. "We're in Indiana, +ain't we? We'll take a minister and a lawyer along with us. While the +minister is marrying us, the lawyer can be at work on the divorce +papers. When you are JEFFRY MAULBOY again, a single man, and I'm once +more ANN BRUMMET. spinster, I'll go away and never trouble you again. +There's no risk. I go in ANN BRUMMET, and come out ANN BRUMMET, all +inside of two hours, and there's nobody to tell of it. The lawyer and +minister are used to it, you see, and the secret's safe with _them_." + +JEFFRY MAULBOY took an unusually large chew of tobacco, and thought it +all over. + +"I won't do it," he finally said. + +"All right, then," she replied; "I'll write to Mrs. CUPID and tell her +the whole story, and I'll stay here besides. It'll be hard enough on me +for a while if I go, and harder still if I stay; but I'll do it to +_spite you_. I'll break off your match with Mrs. CUPID if I _do_ stay, +now mark my words." + +JEFFRY MAULBOY walked back and forth, and emitted the choicest string +of curses that his extensive and valuable collection enabled him to +cull. At last he stopped in front of her, and said savagely: + +"I'll do it. But if you ever lisp a word to any living soul till I'm +safely married to CUPID, I'll kill you, dead sure. Do you hear that?" + +"When and how is the thing to be done?" he growled again. + +"The sooner the better," was ANN'S reply. "If you don't hear from me by +to-morrow noon, go to the Half-way House at Forney's Crag. That's all +_you've_ got to do. I'll have the lawyer and minister both there. +_You'd_ better be there too. That's all I say." + +Alone in his room, JEFFRY admitted that ANN had been too smart for him. + +"And I'm mighty afraid that, somehow or other, the old she-dragon will +get the best of me yet in this infernal business," he soliloquized. +"Anyhow, I'll sleep on it," and he went to bed. + +He got up in the morning, firmly resolved to break his engagement with +ANN. + +"She was only bluffing me last night," he said. "She daren't tell +CUPID." But he didn't feel easy for all that. + +After breakfast he took his hat and started out. + +"Where are you bound, JEFF?" inquired ARCHIBALD. + +"Anywhere," was the reply. "Come along." + +JEFFRY was awful dull company, so Archibald thought. He took very large +chews of tobacco, and expectorated freely into the eyes of the small +boys whom they chanced to meet, and if he didn't make a good shot, he +swore awfully. Once he went away across a field on purpose to kick a +very small dog, and ARCHIBALD waited for him. + +"Why, JEFFRY," said ARCHIBALD, "what ails you? You're awfully down in +the mouth this morning." + +"And so you'd be if you was in my boots," was the reply. + +And then he up and told ARCHIBALD the whole story. + +The latter was so thoroughly dumbfounded that a decently-smart boy could +have blown him over without any apparent effort. + +"Why, JEFF," said he, "only to think of it. Ain't it awful? And ANN +BRUMMET, too; ain't I glad it ain't me, though." + +"That's no way to console a fellow, you fool," said JEFFRY. "You'd +better offer to help me out of the scrape." + +"Why, so I will, of course," said ARCHIBALD. "If I hadn't saved your +life, of course you wouldn't have got into it; and so I feel bound, you +know, to see you out of it. What shall I do?" + +"Why, just go over to the Half-way House, and tell ANN I can't come. +Tell her I've got the small-pox, or broke my leg, or my old man's +dying--or anything, so that she understands I can't come." + +"You'd better give me a letter," said ARCHIBALD, "and I'll slip it under +her door and run off. I never could remember all that, I should be so +flustered, you know." + +"No," replied JEFFRY, "I shan't give you any letter. I ain't fool enough +to commit myself to any woman in black and white." + +"Well," replied ARCHIBALD drearily, "just as you say. Oh, what a knowing +man the Hon. MICHAEL is! He said you'd make me pay that debt of saving +your life, sooner or later, and it's turned out sooner. But I'll go, +JEFFRY, if I can get away from BELINDA. She tags me round everywhere, +and wants to court me all the time. Ain't it dreadful? What time shall I +go?" + +"Three o'clock," answered JEFFRY. "Tell her I'd come if I could but I +can't _anyhow_. Be sure and tell her _that_, and anything else you've a +mind to." + +(To be continued.) + + * * * * * + +PIGEON ENGLISH. + +Certainly newspaper writers are given to making very remarkable +statements. In describing General CHANGARNIER, a newspaper lately +informed us that "he stoops his head, which is sprinkled over with a few +gray hairs when walking." Now, if the general's head be sprinkled when +walking, we may fairly infer that the gray hairs, unless brushed off, +remain upon it when it stands still. We are additionally mystified by +the further statement--still with reference to the same officer--that +"he enjoys the personal demeanor of the French people to a remarkable +degree." This we are very much delighted to hear, although we have not +the slightest idea what it means. + + * * * * * + +Corroborative. + +A late item of war news states that "the Prussians have advanced to +Dole," while from several other sources we learn that the Prussians have +come to Grief. + + * * * * * + +PUNCHINELLO CORRESPONDENCE + +ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. + +_Ambergris_.--Can you give me the motto of the City of Strasbourg? + +_Answer_.--We cannot at this moment recall the Flemish version of it, +but it means, in English, "We make our own Pies." + +_Katrina Shwachenzittern_. We have had some difficulty in deciphering +your manuscript. Your grievance, however, seems to be that one of your +boarders, an Alsatian, keeps a ten-pound brass cannon in his bedroom, +and fires a grand salvo with it whenever a French victory is announced. +This, of course, is very foolish. The best way of putting a stop to it +would be for your German boarders to keep guns of even larger calibre in +their rooms, and fire the Frenchman down. You will then have a perfect +right to charge all your boarders for extra fires. + +_Ney_.--Please explain two things about the war. First: How did the +Mobile Guard come to leave Mobile? Second: Is _Francs-Tireurs_ the +French for FRANK BUTLER'S black-and-tan terriers? + +_Answer_.--We cannot perceive much difference between NEY and BRAY. + +_Artichoke_.--You are mistaken in supposing total deafness to be an +indispensable qualification in a candidate for the position of prompter +to a theatre. + +_Flippertygibbet_.--How is the belligerent attitude of the Russian Bear +likely to affect the New York money market? + +_Answer_.--Turn a rushin' bear into any market, and see what the result +will be. + +_Paterfamilias_.--I am the unhappy father of three brace of twins, and +wish to dispose of one out of each brace. Can you advise me in the +matter? + +_Answer_.--If you don't mind being put in the Lockup, perhaps you had +better apply to "Dr." LOOKUP. + +_Sad-you-See_.--We cannot sympathize with you in your wail about the +markets being "flat." Wait a while, patiently, and they will come +"round." + +_Peter Dole_.--Your questions about cooking turkeys for Thanksgiving Day +are so multitudinous, that we can only reply to them generally. In +Europe it is the usage for Crowned Heads and their families, only, to +eat sausages with their turkey; and, if ever the true story of the Man +with the Iron Mask comes to be unveiled, it is more than likely that the +mystery will be found to hinge upon that fact. + + * * * * * + +A PRESIDENTIAL FLOUT. + +According to the Washington special despatches to the _Philadelphia +Inquirer_, the President has tendered a Cabinet appointment to several +distinguished members of the Union League of that city. Either from +excessive modesty, however, or, as is probable, from prudent doubts as +to their ability to fill the position, all of these gentlemen have +declined to accept the offer. + +It is surmised that the object of the President's recent visit to +Philadelphia (ostensibly to see his old friend, Mr. BORIE), was to +examine the roll of the League, comprising two thousand members, for the +purpose of selecting one who might serve on a pinch to fill the office +in question. + +This was a bitter stroke of satire on the part of Mr. GRANT, since it is +generally understood in Philadelphia, that, outside the ranks of the +Mutual Admiration Society to which we have referred, there are no brains +to be found among the Republicans of Philadelphia. + + + * * * * * + +A Bubble of Air. + +What is the most favorable sort of weather for ballooning? + +_Highly_ favorable weather. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE THREE CENTS. + +An Incident both Dramatic and True. + +SLINEY, OF SWAMPVILLE, COMES TO THE CITY. AS HE SHAMBLES ALONG THREE +BRIGHT CENTS FALL AT HIS FEET. AMAZEMENT OF SLINEY, WHO GAZES UP AT AN +OPEN WINDOW, BUT, NOT SEEING ANY PERSON THERE, SUPPOSES THAT SHOWERS OF +COPPERS ARE PECULIAR TO THE CLIMATE. + +HAVING POCKETED THE COINS, SLINEY PROCEEDS UPON HIS WAY. HARDLY HAS HE +GONE A DOZEN PACES WHEN THREE CENTS AGAIN RING DOWN UPON THE +FLAG-STONES, AND SPARKLE THERE IN THE SUN. DELIGHT OF SLINEY, WHO AGAIN +GAZES UP SMILINGLY AT THIRD-STORY WINDOWS, HOLDING OUT HIS HAT AS IF TO +ASK FOR MORE. + +AGAIN SLINEY PROCEEDS TO POCKET THE COINS. BUT, HA!--WHAT IS THIS? HIS +COUNTENANCE CHANGES: HIS LONG BONY FINGERS NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME DETECT +THE FATAL FLAW IN HIS TROUSERS POCKET. 'TWAS HIS ORIGINAL CAPITAL, +BROUGHT BY HIM FROM SWAMPVILLE TO INVEST IN STOCKS, THAT HE HAS BEEN +PICKING UP ALL ALONG. AGONY OF SLINEY, WHICH IS AGGRAVATED BY THE RIBALD +LAUGHTER OF SOME WICKED PERSONS WHO HAVE THROWN THEMSELVES UPON HIS +TRACK.] + + * * * * * + +THE LATEST BOSTON NOTION. + +The well-earned reputation acquired by Boston for leading the world in +new ideas is so thoroughly established as to need no recapitulation +here. We merely speak of it for the purpose of mentioning that city's +last contribution to mankind, of this kind. They have a hotel there +which advertises through the seductive fly-pages of our magazines in the +following terms: "Courtesy to strangers is a marked feature in the +management of--" + +But we remember in time that we have no right to interfere with the +advertising columns. However, it is a fact that there is a hotel in +America where courtesy to guests is a feature, and of course a marked +one. It is a cheering fact, and especially so just now, in this early +fall, when we are all smarting with the fresh memories of our summer's +sufferings at the hands of the hotel proprietors, their head clerks, and +the rest of the rapacious crew. What an attractive picture it presents! +A hotel where guests are treated with courtesy! Really, if anything +could seduce us into making a visit to Boston, the desire to actually +witness this surprising innovation upon our national customs would prove +too strong for the reverential fear which keeps us distant worshippers +of that American Mecca. + + * * * * * + +Odious Comparison. + +"She is a gem," remarked Mr. JENKINSOP, speaking of his red-haired wife. + +"Yes--a diamond of many carats," was the low rejoinder of JENKINSOP'S +friend, WINKLESOP. + + * * * * * + +ROYAL DEMOCRACY. + +It appears to have been decided that one of the royal princesses of +England can be allowed to marry, without being obliged to find some +royal prince for that purpose. Perhaps this course has been discovered +to be possible from the fact that the stock of royal princes is getting +short in Europe. Prussia has gobbled up any number of German ones, and +bids fair to do so with the rest. But we prefer to think that this +innovation is really due to the women's rights movement. Their platform +is broad enough for the entire sex to stand on, and why should a +princess, from the unfortunate accident of her birth, be debarred her +natural right to fall in love with the man of her choice, and to marry +the man she loves. At any rate we commend this change of policy to the +leaders of the women's rights party, as a proof of the success their +movement has gained, and advise them to send a series of congratulatory +resolutions to the princess in question, upon her gaining her +unquestioned right to consult her heart rather than a Lord Chancellor in +the bestowal of her hand. + + * * * * * + +An Anecdote from Salt Lake. + +A GYPSY came to BRIGHAM YOUNG with a pony for sale. + +"Why, the beast is half-starved," said BRIGHAM, running his hand over +the pony's side. "You can count his ribs." + +"That's more'n a chap could do with yours," retorted the gypsy. + +BRIGHAM YOUNG did not buy that pony. + + * * * * * + +NATURAL HISTORY IN OUR PARKS. + +No greater tribute has yet been paid to the already improved condition +of our city parks under the new _regime_, than the arrival in them of +strange birds by which they had not hitherto been patronized. Within a +few days past several owls have been captured in the solemn pines with +which these delightful retreats have lately been made green, if not +shady. The owl, as is well known, was regarded by the ancients as the +Bird of Wisdom. He fully sustained his right to the title by letting +severely alone the city parks while they were still dreary and +disgusting wastes. The only night-birds by which these were, then +occupied were of the featherless (and apparently motherless) kind, and +were well known to the police. They were quite as watchful, it is true, +as the genuine feathered owl that has just commenced to give its very +extraordinary countenance to the parks, but then it was with other +people's watches, not their own. It is with much concern that we hear +reports of the slaughter of some of these solemn but beautiful owls that +have come to ventilate their wisdom among us. The reports in question +were very definite and unmistakable, most of them proceeding from +revolvers handled by members of the Municipal Police Force, while others +emanated from the barrels of shot-guns wielded by beery Teutons, who +rushed frantically out from their sawdust lairs when they were told that +the game was up--that is, that an owl was up a tree. This was scurvy +treatment for the visitors. To "put a head on" an owl, which is already +provided with one so large and so comical, appears to be a work both +superfluous and inhuman. The only apology for it in this instance is, +that these night-birds of prey were supposed by the police to have been +attracted to the parks by the prospect of succulent suppers on the very +well-fed sparrows by which these resorts are now thickly tenanted. The +owls hooted at this notion; but their hooting was only answered by +shooting, and the poor foolish Birds of Wisdom have been stuffed with +tow instead of sparrows, and set up to form the nucleus of an +ornithological Rogues' Gallery in the City Hall. + +On visiting the Battery a few days ago, one of the park-keepers (himself +looking in his bright new uniform somewhat like a blue-jay) expressed +his conviction that, next spring, that time-honored pleasure-garden of +the old Knickerbockers will be a paradise for song-birds such as it has +not been since the original Swedish Nightingale warbled her "woodnotes +wild" there a score of years ago, more or less. The sea-gulls, he +thought (will Judge HILTON have the goodness to provide these park +officers with manuals of ornithology?), would build their nests in the +pine-trees with which the wide esplanade that stretches away to the +water's edge will soon be bristling. Honest, but mistaken young man! As +well might he have said that the sea-wall [a very substantial one, by +the way] would build its nest in the melancholy pines. But it is +reasonable to hope that pine grossbeaks will find their way thither, and +that the German flutes of various finches will provide for the coming +Bavarians and Hessians (should any be left after the siege of Paris and +the _sorties_ of the truculent TROCHU) a welcome such as has not +heretofore been accorded to the strangers who at Castle Garden first set +foot upon our shore. + +The Bowling Green--late a nuisance and a pandemonium, now an oasis of +verdure--has not as yet reported its owl, but the public eye is upon it, +and the nocturnal marauder may yet be detected in the forks of the great +willow-trees, which still retain their verdure. The sparrows are almost +disproportionately numerous in this small park, but this may be +accounted for. It has lately been laid down with new grass, the green, +tender blades of which, just now beginning to crop out, are probably +mistaken by the birds for "sparrow-grass" munificently provided for them +by the Commissioners. + +In all of these city parks the contrast between past and present is very +striking and agreeable. But a few short months ago they were the +domiciles and dormitories of outcast roughs and vagrants of the worst +description, whose "'owls," as a Cockney explorer observed, "made night +'ideous." The only muss now common to them is the _mus_ tribe, +comprising the _mus ratus_, or ordinary rat (so called from its haunting +ordinaries, we suppose), and the timid mouse, with which the Bird of +Wisdom is contented to put up when the sparrows decline to come to his +claw. + +Central Park offers numerous attractions now to all who love to keep up +their animal spirits by studying animal life. There is a fat little +Asiatic pig there, who is the very picture of content. A red pig he is, +and exceedingly well behaved. The best red pig, in fact, that we +remember ever to have seen, beating the learned pig by several trumps +and an ace. When we last saw him he was very busy with his pen, and our +surmise was that his mind was fully occupied with arrangements for +editing the works of BACON, or, possibly, those of HOGG. + +The young elephant has increased immensely, since last year, in stature +and girth. He is remarkably neat in his person, wisping himself all over +with hay for hours at a time. Whether he does this for cleanliness or to +obtain a flavor of elephant for the hay is doubtful, however, for he +always eats it after having made use of it as a flesh-brush for a good +while. Notices requesting visitors "not to feed or annoy the animals" +are posted on the compartments. In the case of the elephant, though, it +might be as well also to caution persons against making jokes about his +trunk--a low kind of ribaldry in which every carpet-bagger, who never +had one, seems to think himself bound to indulge. + +There is a cinnamon bear in one of the outside cages, whose claws remind +one sharply that cinnamon and cloves go together, and that clove is a +tense of the verb "to cleave." But we do not want such a fellow as that +to cleave to us, since it is evident that a grocer kind of brute than a +cinnamon bear cannot be found in all the ursine family. "Sugar and +spice, and all things nice," are stated in song to be the materials that +"little girls are made of," but if we thought that cinnamon bear figured +upon the list of groceries thus used for modelling young maidens, we +would either fly to the desert with Dr. MARY WALKER or immure ourselves +in a nunnery with SUSAN B. ANTHONY, and all the other females of the +anti-sugar-and-spice persuasion. + +Fattest of all the beasts in the Central Park collection is the larger +of the two grizzly bears. From the easy way in which he takes life, he +reminds one of a successful politician, who had worked his way up from +being a slim and impecunious "repeater" to the position of Alderman, or +Custom House official, and President of the Fat Men's Club. There is a +drunken leer in this beast's eye, an inebriate roll in all his +movements, that lead one mechanically to peer into the darkness of his +den with the view of seeing what the Bar fixings are like. It would be a +rare freak to treat the huge fellow to a cask of rum and sugar, and then +stand by with a comic artist, and take down for PUNCHINELLO the traits +of BRUIN the Grizzly on a "bender," and with all his repressed nature +brought out by the strong drink. + +"Carnivorium" is the word now properly applied by the Park authorities +to the establishment in which the wild beasts are kept. That is, the +term will be correct when applied only to the particular department +allotted to the fierce flesh-devouring animals. At present camels are +accommodated in the Carnivorium, and so are cows, which is a sort of +slur upon the habits of these poor innocent vegetarians. The new word, +however, is likely to find considerable extension, and if any provider +for the public maw should choose hereafter to call his dining-saloon a +Carnivorium, none would have a right to cavil at him on philological +grounds, at least. + +By and by the Park will have a new and sensational attraction. The +antediluvian monsters of that great FRANKENSTEIN of the period, Mr. +WATERHOUSE HAWKINS, will soon be advanced enough to "give fits" to the +nursery-maids and their tender charges. Accipitrine in features as in +name, Mr. HAWKINS is a living illustration of the Darwinian theory. +Certainly his remote ancestors must have been of the falcon family. He +revels in birds; though, when he cannot obtain those, he can put up with +lizards, which he usually prefers manufactured, and of a length not less +than from sixty to one hundred feet. This reminds us that a saurian of a +hundred feet should not be confounded with a centipede. + +It will be seen, then, that the landscape-gardens of our great city are +in a fair way of being able to afford some illustrations for students of +Natural History more interesting than the oyster-shells and old boots +with which most of them have hitherto been stocked. + + * * * * * + +FRUIT FOR BALLOONISTS. Currents in the air. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: FASHION CORRESPONDENTS REPORT THAT "NETS ARE TO BE WORN +MUCH LONGER." PUNCHINELLO SUGGESTS, THEN, THAT THEY MIGHT BE PROFITABLY +ADAPTED FOR CATCHING FISH AS WELL AS BEAUX.] + + * * * * * + +THE AVERAGE THANKSGIVING. + +NINE O'CLOCK A.M. + + I'm thankful I was bright enough, this year, + To have my turkey bought a week ahead! + Oh, what a bird it is! 'Twas awful dear,-- + But, thank the Lord! the turkey's been well fed. + +TEN O'CLOCK A.M. + + There! I've forgot the oysters. Thank the Lord, + There's time enough with early church; Old GRIMES, + I hope, will pity us to-day; he's bored + A hungry crowd so many, many times. + +ELEVEN O'CLOCK A.M. + + Oh, what a crowd! Hallo! Another man! + Well, thank the Lord, 'twill be a change, at least; + I s'pose he'll aggravate us all he can: + And that's _so_ easy just before a feast. + +TWELVE O'CLOCK M. + +Oh, what a bore! He's worse than Grimes by half; + So slow!--That turkey will be done to rags!-- +I'm famished! I could eat the fatted calf. + There! Thank the Lord! He's winding up; he fags. + +ONE P.M. + + Give me the knife. Be quick, my love, be quick! + I never was so hungry in my life! + Well, thank the Lord, that tedious old stick + _Did_ let us off.--Oh, hang this carving-knife! + +TWO P.M. + + I wish I had not eaten quite so much; + But, really, the mince-pie was _so_ prime! + You gave it just the real, old, fancy touch. + There! (Thank the Lord, I got the meat in time.) + +THREE P.M. + + My eyes! how sleepy I have grown since noon! + Some wine or music, now, would make me gay; + Come, ANNA, let us have a little tune-- + There! thank the Lord, there's no more work to-day. + +FOUR P.M. + + What was it, ANNA? I was sound asleep; + I rather think I had the nightmare, too. + I feel half sick; cold chills around me creep. + Well, thank the Lord, Thanksgiving is all through! + + * * * * * + +A Pen and an Inkling. + +A certain HERR BISSENGER, of Pforzhelm, has presented BISMARCK with a +golden pen, set with jewels, with which to sign the treaty after the +capture of Paris. Foresight is well enough in its way; but if the treaty +which is to end this war is not a very different one from any BISMARCK +has yet suggested, penning his signature to it will be merely a +preliminary to his repentance for being so short-sighted as not to see +that Sedan, not Paris, was the place at which to make a lasting peace. + + * * * * * + +A Chance for Metaphysicians to be Useful. + +The German metaphysicians who have been so long bothering the world with +reports of their searches after the undiscoverable, should now exercise +whatever skill they have gained in this pursuit, in looking for signs of +republican protest in Germany against the growing tyranny of their +Prussian masters. Such a course would do their own country good, and, if +successful, would be most grateful to the rest of the world. + + * * * * * + +A Twist of the Cable. + +Telegrams per cable state that "VON DER TANN is retreating"--also that +"a Prussian bark has been blown up." + +Combining these two statements, we obtain an excellent quality of Tan +Bark, which may or may not be suggestive of further "Hidings" of the +Prussians by the French. + + * * * * * + +Grant-ed. + +Recent disclosures concerning the President's Cabinet would go to show +that this piece of administrative furniture is a cabinet with Drawers. + + * * * * * + +Bad for their Health. + +Travel is so impeded by the terrible state of affairs at present +existing in France, that the Prussians cannot take Tours. + + * * * * * + +New Occupation for the President. + +A display heading in the _World_ of November 18th has the following +astounding line:-- + +"GRANT cuts SCHURZ." + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: NONE THE BETTER FOR TOO MUCH NURSING. + +_Dr. W.G. Bryant._--"MR. KELLEY, THAT POOR CHILD PENNSYLVANIA HAS BEEN +FED TOO EXCLUSIVELY WITH PIG-IRON PAP. SUPPOSE YOU TRY SOME OF MY +FREE-TRADE MIXTURE, AND SEE IF THAT WON'T RESTORE IT TO HEALTH."] + + * * * * * + +HIRAM GREEN SURPRISED. + +His Fellow-Citizens Present Him with a Silver Tea Service. + +When the Hon. BILL SOOWARD allers gets home from a voyige, the sitezens +of Auburn give him a warm recepshen. + +When Goyenor HOFFMAN visits the home of his childhood days, a +spontaneous bust of friendship throws her lovin embrace about him. + +When a few sundry other peeple, whose names shall be nameless in this +communication, have arroven to their long home on tother side of the +River Sticks, they will get a recepshen so warm, that, settin on top a +red hot koal stove and sokin their feet in a kittle full of b'iling +water, will be full as cheerin to 'em as a Mint Jewlip is to an +inhabitant of the Equinoxial line. + +Recepshens and presentashens bein the order of the day, I took it into +my head, a short time since, to have my feller sitizens of Skeansboro' +give me some of it. + +Consekently I hired 1/2 dozen of my nabors, whom I supposed wouldent +make turnal fools of their selves, to call at the Old Green manshon with +a crowd of peeple, at the hour when I was supposed to be to bed, for the +purpuss of presentin me with a silver tea sarvice, which our Joowiler +had lent me for the occasion. I writ up an impromptu speech, and +practiced it for over a week, out in my barn, so as to be reddy for the +cerprise. + +My 3 oldest darters had agreed to be dressed up in white, representen +the 3 graces--Faith, Hope, & Charity--and arrangin their selfs in a +tabloo in the back parler, they was to throw open the foldin doors at a +signal from me. I also tride to get my wife to rig up; says she: + +"Me rig up? No, sir! I wouldent encourage sich a lot of tom foolery to +save your consarned neck. And I know of a sartin Old Noosants who'l +ketch Hail Columbia if he musses up these ere parlers to freely." + +The noosants referred to was no doubt the undersined; I know it was. + +Mariar was allers full of pet names, and this was one of them. + +When she called me pet names, I dident stop to argue with her. It is no +use; shee'l allers have the last word, if she sets up all nite for a +week for it. You mite just as well try to make Bosting fokes think the +hul United States don't resolve around Masserchussetts Bay and Bosting +Common once every 24 times an hour, as to undertake to stop a womans +clack when she gets on a talkin fit. + +The appinted nite came, and I was standin behind the winder curten, +peekin out the upper hall winder, anxiusly awaitin the arrival of the +crowd. + +All of a sudden a percession, hove in site, headed by a drum and fife. +Their onsartin way of marchin, by gettin their legs mixed all up +together, made me think that by the time they got up to my house, the +painful duty would devolve on to me of goin down and getten their legs +ontangled. + +The fifer was continually mistakin his head for a drum stick, as he fell +over and let it strike vilently agin the sheep skin head of the base +drum. Whilst the drummer, hisself, was mistakin evry bodys head for his +musikle instrument, as he dealt out blows rite and left, to all who come +within hittin distance of his intossicated drum sticks. + +Arrivin before my domisil, the leeder sung out and says: + +"Now boys (hic!) let's rattle up bald head, (hic!) if old +2-and-ninepence don't (hic!) shell out with his 'freshments, we'll +(hic!) smash this 'ere borrered tea sarvice over his (hic!) figger +head." Sayin which he gives the door bell a yank, which was enuff to +pull the roof off from over our heads. + +Slippin on my red nite cap, I poked my head out of my winder, and in +fained cerprise, Bays to 'em: + +"My good peeple, what's the meanin of this demon-stration?" + +"A lot of fellers, who you hired to come and pay you a visit, has got +here. So come down and let us in, old hoss," says a voice. + +I went down stairs, with doubts in my mind as to the way the thing would +turn out. + +Unboltin the door, the assemblige filed in. A casual glance convinced me +that I was not receivin into the buzzum of my family manshon a +deputashun from the Skeensboro Lodge of Good Templers, for a skalier lot +of whiskey-soked human beins I never sot eyes on. + +There was JOB BIGLER, who useter leed the Skeensboro brick meetin house +quire, tryin to pick his teeth with the corner of a pictur-frame, while +standin before the lookin glass was WILLYAM DUNBAR vainly endevorin to +ascertain if he was the Siameese Twins, or else was the lookin-glass a +double-plated one. + +Old JIM SPENCER insisted on standin with his cow-hide butes on top the +mahogony senter table, for the purpuss of presentin me with the tea +sarvice, while his son-in-law had no sorter hesitation, whatsomever, of +planten his muddy feet into my wife's work basket, which was settin on a +stool in the sou'-west corner of the front room. Others had piled +theirselfs in heeps, in various parts of the room, presentin a picter +which JOHN B. GOFF could work up to sich an affectin pitch, that tears +could be got out of the eyes of a perfessional grave-digger. + +"SQUIRE GREEN, yer (hic!) feller sitisens, wishin to do the square thing +by you, hereby (hic!) take this opportunity of presentin you with this +(hic!) tea sarvice, which you hired down to GRIZ'LES jooliry (hic!) +store, for this momentous occassion. Take it and be 'appy. Now trot out +yer (hic!) benzeen," says SPENCER. At this pint I give the signle, and +the foldin doors was throde quickly open, revealin my 3 gals in a +classic tabloo. I then said: + +"Feller Sitizens: When I say I'me hily pleased at this onexpected +cerprise, I but reiterate the pent up feelins of an overflowin heart."-- + +"Oh, cork up on that ere spoutin, and sound yer supper bell," said JOE +BIGLER, interuptin me. I again went on. + +"As I casts my eyes about me, I see the smillen faces of my feller +sitizens, who have been tride and not found _wantin_--" + +"That's a lie! We are _wantin_ some vittles, with a little (hic!) +opedildock to wash her down. When you hired us to do this job, you +(hic!) 'greed to fill up," says a voice. + +I pertended as how I dident hear the raskle's insultin remarks, but I +was secretly itchin to be a silent spectator to his funeral, and see his +miserable carciss sunk down under about 6 foot of free sile. I +continnered; + +"You see before you, Faith, Hope & Charity, otherwise called the 3 +graces," said I, pintin to my darters, who looked as sheepish as if they +was jest let loose from a femail convenshun, or some other loonatick +asylum. + +"Yer cant cram that stuff down our gullets, no more'n I can stand on +this sugar bole without mashin it" said a vile youth, ceasin the sugar +bole from the silver tea sarvice and settin his foot onto it. "Them gals +haint no more faith in hoops and charity, than I have that the french +peeple can live under a Republican form of government." Said another +chap: "Oh, no, old GREEN, them tow-headed maidens is your darters, +JOHANNER, BETTY, and MARIAR, Jr." + +"Leed us to the bankett halls," says some one else. + +"Come, do as yer (hic!) 'greed, and give us some pirotecknicks," some one +else yelled; at this juncture all was hollerin vociferously for vittles +and whiskey. + +I assure you, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, it was very _affectin_. + +In fact, I don't believe there was a _dry mouth_ in the crowd. + +"I blush for every drunken soul of you," said I, wishing to get rid if +em; "and I want you to understand this meetin is adjourned to sober +off." + +I noticed that the 3 graces had left the room, while the assemblage was +vainly endeavorin to git hold of the silver tea sarvice. + +Suddenly the back parler door was busted open, and Mrs. GREEN and my 3 +gals rushed in with pans of hot water and broomsticks, and if ever I +enjoyed seein a lot of people baptized, it was that ere crowd, who was a +yellin "bloody murder," as the hot water made their hides curl up. + +"Go It, My Sweet Dears," Said I, "Peel Off Their Skins, And You Shall +All Have A Bran New Caliker Apiece To-Morrer Mornin." + +Well, sir, in quicker time than I can write this, the house was cleared +and the front door locked agin em; but my troubles had only just +commenced, for I had, figerately speakin, jumped from the fryin pan into +the fire. + +"HIRAM GREEN," said MARIAR, backin me up into a corner, "you old sinner, +you, look at that senter table, all scratched up with heels of a pair of +drunken cow-hide butes. Look at my work basket; it looks as if a +percession of hogs had been marchin into it.--See that nice rag carpet +which took me over 6 months to make; what is it? eh! it's covered with +old tabacker cuds, mud, segar stumps, broken whiskey bottles, and dish +water. Haint you a sweet venerable head of a family? Haint you a saperb +copy bound in calf, of ex-legal jewrisprudence? + +"Presented you with a tea sarvice, did they? Oh! yool be the ruination +of this family with your confounded efforts seekin arter fame. +You--you--" + +I dident wait to hear no more, but left the house with my feelins in a +hily mixed up state. I have made up my mind to one thing, that if I ever +get up another cerprise, I will hire good moral men, sich as editors, +noosepaper men, and literary folks ginerally, whose conducts is above +suspishon, to conduct the preceedins. + +When this you spy, +Remember HI, + +Ewers, truly, + +HIRAM GREEN, Esq., + +Lait Gustise of the Peece. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: BABY'S PHOTOGRAPH.] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: SONG OF THE OYSTER. + +"PUT ME IN MY LITTLE BED."] + + * * * * * + +OUR PORTFOLIO. + +An Exciting Interview with King William.--"Seeing" Thiers and Going him +Better.--The Influence of Monkeys In Diplomacy. + +VERSAILLES, EIGHTH WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. + +"I don't believe a word of it," said the King, with an impatient stamp +of the foot and a deprecatory wave of the hand--"not a word of it." + +You see, dear PUNCHINELLO, the situation was thus: I had undertaken, not +indeed without grave misgivings, to propitiate his Majesty, after the +failure of the THIERS-BISMARCK negotiations, and, if possible, procure +such terms as would save Parisians from the galling necessity of +immolating the monkeys of the _Jardin des Plantes_ to the popular demand +for something to eat. I thought, as an American citizen and your +correspondent, my propositions _might_ have some chance of being +favorably entertained, especially as I knew that the English Minister's +presents of Stilton cheese and many dozens of BASS' bottled ale to +BISMARCK had failed to prevent the current of the Chancellor's prejudice +from running strongly in favor of Americans. Thus morally armed, and +bearing in my pocket a _passe-partout_ from Prussian Headquarters, I +approached Versailles on the second evening after the departure of M. +THIERS, and found the King occupying the apartment in the central +pavilion of the palace, which had once been the sleeping-chamber of +Louis XVI. and his unhappy spouse MARIE ANTOINETTE. Many alterations had +taken place since I was last there and saw the wretched Queen from the +balcony endeavoring to assuage the fierce mob that surged beneath. The +room was not like the room in which I once helped Louis to pull off his +boots, and the delicate perfume that usually pervades the apartments of +French royalty had succumbed to the amalgamated odors of _Schweitzer +Kase_ and _Saur Kraut_. + +"It is apparent, sire," said I to WILLIAM, who was sitting there "that +Count BISMARCK has wholly misunderstood the situation in Paris." + +"Not a bit of it," said the King; "don't I know well enough they've got +down to two ounces a day for each man, and horse meat at that? + +"You forget, sire, their vast supply of asses." + +"Do I, indeed? when they've done nothing but develop an unlimited number +of them ever since the war began." + +I had an idea then that his majesty must have meant this for sarcasm +though my own experience told me that it was only too true; and it also +occurred to me that I was not in my true station as the representative +of a government of "asses." Nothing but a stern sense of duty prevented +me from clearing out at once under this last harrowing reflection. +Accordingly, I returned to the charge with diminished vigor, assuring +the King that if his army kept on blockading Paris in this cruel sort of +way, the population would soon be dying by thousands. It was very +strange why he wouldn't draw off his troops. What did _he_ want with +Paris? What had Paris done to _him_? Weren't there plenty of other +cities in this world that didn't care a cent how much he bombarded them? +(I began to think that possibly I might be growing childish in my method +of stating the case, but it was only a momentary weakness that made me +think so.) Where was Tyre? Let him go and bombard Tyre. Nobody cares for +Tyre now. Where was Sidon? If he wanted to throw away his ammunition, +let him "go" for Sidon. Where was Tuckahoo, New Jersey? Would New York +care if Tuckahoo was reduced to the level of its original swamp? +Moreover, there were lots of cities away off in China, yearning to have +the rays of modern civilization let into them. Would it be anything out +of his way to travel in that direction with a few big KRUPP guns, and +give civilization a fair opening to get in at? Wasn't it cowardly to be +punching all the time at one poor, miserable little town like Paris, +that ain't big enough to help itself, and wouldn't have done the same by +him no matter if it got ever so many high old chances? "Think of it, oh! +think of it, my royal brother," I said, laying a hand on each of his +royal shoulders. He took my hands off, and told BISMARCK to bring him a +wisp-broom. It was a cruel insult, but I stood unmoved in the midst of +it. "Perhaps at some future hour and place, Your Majesty, we may meet +under different circumstances." That was a proposition he exhibited no +disposition to deny. At this juncture a courier arrived from the front, +breathless with excitement, and speechless too. The King seized him by +the back of the neck and shook him violently, but the poor fellow +couldn't articulate a word, I suggested that cold keys be put down his +back, and his feet thrust into the fire. That brought him to so fast +that I got behind an arm-chair for protection. In a few seconds he +gathered voice enough to say: + +"S-S-Sire, P-P-P-Paris is e-eatin' u-u-up the m-m-mon-monkeys." + +Fatal news! It was all up with my museum. + +Paris reduced to monkeys, and no treaty signed! + +Horrible catastrophe! + +I offered myself to Satan for a good lie--anything, I didn't care what, +to clinch matters, and bring the King to terms. The Old Boy served me. + +"Your Majesty, I forebore to tell you the worst; but it can be kept back +no longer. You must fly from here; fly from Paris. Your worthy queen, +the great, the good, the patriotic AUGUSTA, is now lying at the point +of--" + +"Liar!" shouted the King, as he seized a boot-jack from the hands of +BISMARCK and hurled it at me with all his strength. I burst the back of +my coat dodging the missile, which did not, however, interrupt the rapid +utterance of my dreadful communication. + +"Spare one moment more to hear what I have just received by telegraph +from Berlin, which is to say that your grandmother--" + +"I never had a grandmother!" roared the King, upon the verge of madness, +as the Crown Prince, at the head of six Army Corps surrounded the +building and captured me without firing a shot. + +P.S.--It is scarcely necessary in my present exhausted state to say that +my liberation is once more entirely due to the intercession of that man +of all men, the defender of injured innocence, and the champion of all +unfortunates, the most honorable Mr. WASHBURNE, American Minister, &c. +He told them that he had known me from boyhood; that my father died in +the lunatic asylum, and dying, bequeathed his intellectual +characteristics to his son, which was all he had to bequeath. The King +said it was more than likely, and so I got off. + +DICK TINTO. + + * * * * * + +Wonderful Sagacity. + +Newspapers mention that an Irish crow has lately arrived as a passenger +on board the steamship _Colorado._ It is stated that the bird has +positively declined to quit the ship, and the inference is that its +unwillingness to do so arises from fear lest it might be mistaken for a +Thanksgiving Turkey. + + * * * * * + +A Wintry Reflection. + +The only Weather Profits that never fail are the gains of the coal +dealers. + + * * * * * + +Nautical. + +When does a ship display a propensity for climbing? + +When she runs up her flag. + + + * * * * * + THE PLAYS AND SHOWS + +Latest of Mr. BOUCICAULT'S mixtures is another Irish dramatic stew. He +calls it the _Rapparee_, and it contains the usual proportion of fire, +patriots, whiskey, traitors, pretty girls, and red-coat officers. It has +a Tragic Heroine and a Cheerful Heroine, a French Officer who speaks +with an Irish brogue, and a Dutch General who speaks the Fechterian +dialect. It has FRANK MAYO in picturesque attitudes on the stage, and +HARRY PALMER in gorgeous vestments in the lobby. But here it is--as long +as the original and nearly as tedious. Read it and decide for yourselves +whether this sort of thing is worthy of the clever mechanic who +constructed _Arrah-na-Pogue_? + +THE RAPPAREE. ACT I. + +SCENE I.--_A retired spot in the public highway. [Enter an army of +fifteen Irish patriots, armed with pikes of great scythes.]_ + +1st PATRIOT.--"Hurroo for KING JAMES, we'll dhrive the Orange-men into +the say. Here comes O'MALLEY, and the FRINCH OFFICIR. May they niver +want a bottle, or a frind to stale it from." _[Enter O'Malley and +Duquesne,]_ + +O'MALLEY.--"All is lost. ULICK has betrayed us." + +DUQUESNE.--"All is lost. ULICK has followed the national custom." + +PATRIOTS.--"All is lost. Hurroo. What'll we do now, boys?" + +O'MALLEY.--"Come with me to France. We'll fight somebody there." + +PATRIOTS.--"We will go this minute." _[They go. Enter Tragic Heroine.]_ + +O'MALLEY.--"Can I belave the eyes of me. Is it you, darlint, or some +other ghost?" + +TRAGIC HEROINE.--"'Tis I. Fly, O'MALLEY. ULICK insists upon marrying me, +and hanging you." + +O'MALLEY.--"I will fly to-morrow night, and you shall fly with me. I +would go this minute, were it not that Mr. BOUCICAULT'S play would be +spoiled if I did not stay long enough to get into difficulties. I will +hide in the cellar of my ruined castle, and will give ULICK the worst +'hiding' he ever had if I have a convenient chance at him." + +SCENE II--_The front parlor in O'Hara's castle. Enter the Dutch General +and O'Hara._ + +DUTCH GENERAL.--"O'HARA, I dinks you pe ein repel. ULICK is searging +your bapers. If he finds something you shall be hanged." _[Enter +Ulick.]_ + +ULICK.--"I have searched O'HARA's trunk, and the drawer where he keeps +his other stocking. I have found nothing." + +DUTCH GENERAL.--"I still pelieve him a traitor, but I gannot brove it." +_[Exit.]_ + +ULICK.--"O'HARA, listen. I have lied. I hold here in my left coat-tail +pocket the proofs of your treachery. Give me your daughter and help me +hang O'MALLEY, or I will ruin you." + +O'HARA.--"I am in your power. Do as you please." _[Enter Tragic +Heroine.]_ + +TRAGIC HEROINE.--"Never. ULICK shall neither marry me nor hang +O'MALLEY." + +ULICK.--"Young woman, I will lock you in this room for a year or two, +until O'MALLEY is thoroughly hung. Come, O'HARA." _[Exeunt.]_ + +TRAGIC HEROINE.--"I must escape and warn O'MALLEY. But how? I have it. I +can leap out of the window into the sea: I can then swim in full +ball-dress to O'MALLEY'S castle, which is only twenty leagues from here. +I will warn him, and fly with him. Courage. I will remove my back-hair +and make the hazardous leap." _[She leaps.]_ + +SCENE III.--_The vaults below O'Malley's castle. Enter Dutch General, +O'Hara, Ulick, and the "Doctor," a rebel prisoner._ + +DOCTOR.--"I brought you here to show you O'MALLEY'S hiding-place. Now +I've got you. The tide rose the moment we entered, and cut off your +retreat; we'll all be drowned like rats in a hole. Hurroo." _[O'Malley +descends into the vaults by an iron door.]_ + +O'MALLEY.--"Come up-stairs out of the wet. We'll have some whiskey." +_[They come up.]_ + +ACT II. + +SCENE I.--_O'Malley's ancestral back-garret. Enter Tragic Heroine in +ball-dress, having swum across the bay._ + +TRAGIC HEROINE.--"Ha! also Ho! I am a little out of breath. I think I +had better faint." _(Faints.) [Enter O'Malley and his rescued enemies.]_ + +O'MALLEY.--"Sit down, while I go for the whiskey." _[He goes.]_ + +O'HARA.--"What do I see? My daughter! Take her up-stairs before O'MALLEY +returns." _(They take her up.) [Re-enter O'Malley.]_ + +O'MALLEY.--"Gentlemen, here is the whiskey. It is Gen. GRANT'S favorite +brand, and you'll find it all right." _[To his servant]_ "CONNER, these +men mean to arrest me. Go and set fire to the castle." _[Connor goes, +and O'Malley, locking the door, throws the key out of the window.]_ + +EVERYBODY.--"What do you mean by throwing away the key? Do you mean to +surround us, and, making us prisoners, drink up the whiskey yourself?" + +O'MALLEY,--"'Tis a custom of our house, intended originally to give +employment to meritorious locksmiths on the eve of election. Listen +while I tell you how one of my ancestors played a nice little trick on +some officers who had come to arrest him for shooting his landlord. He +locked them up as I have locked you up. He then ordered his servant to +set the castle on fire as I have just done, and was baked with them as +we are about to be baked." + +DUTCH GENERAL.--"Donner und blitzen!" + +EVERYBODY ELSE.--"Tare an ounds!" + +TRAGIC HEROINE, _[in the loft above]_.--"S c r r r e e e c h." + +O'MALLEY.--"Heavings! That shriek. 'Tis my Grace! TRAGIC DARLING, I come +to die with you." _[Rushes up the chimney, while the Dutch General, +blowing off the lock off the door with his pistol, escapes together with +his friends. The Castle is carefully taken to pieces in sections by the +stage carpenters, while torches are flashed at intervals. Finally a +Roman candle is set off, and the O'Malley Castle falls a prey to a +carefully managed conflagration.--Curtain.]_ + +ACT III. + +SCENE I.--_A quiet place in midst of the turnpike. Enter Cheerful +Heroine and French Officer._ + +FRENCH OFFICER.--"Fly with me at once." + +CHEERFUL HEROINE.--"Why on earth should I fly? I have never seen you but +once." + +FRENCH OFFICER.--"'Tis true; but you'll have to settle that with +BOUCICAULT. I'm sure I don't want you to fly, especially with no +property but a low-necked dress and short sleeves; but BOUCICAULT has +arranged it to suit himself." + +CHEERFUL HEROINE--"In that case I will fly." _[Enter the_ DOCTOR _and a +band of patriots.]_ + +DOCTOR.--"O'MALLEY is a prisoner in the fort. We are going to have him +out, dead or alive." + +FRENCH OFFICER.--"These are the counsels of madness. Why don't you get +an injunction, or something of that kind, and so get him out peaceably." + +DOCTOR.--"It's too late. Besides, Mr. BOUCICAULT wants to end the play +with a fight." + +CHEERFUL HEROINE.--"I will manage it all. I will let down a rope from +the fort. You shall all be drawn up and rescue O'MALLEY. Nothing could +be more simple. Come and be drawn up." _[They come.]_ + +SCENE. II.--_Interior of the O'Malley's cell. Enter Tragic Heroine._ + +TRAGIC HEROINE.--"'Tis he!'tis he! Though how he managed to change his +clothes and put on such a nice coat, I can't imagine. Dearest, awake!" + +O'MALLEY.--"Who calls? Is it the boy with the beer? Ha! my own darling. +Come to this embroidered waistcoat." + +TRAGIC HEROINE.--"I have agreed to marry ULICK on condition he permits +you to escape." + +O'MALLEY.--"Ha! base girl. Would ye onconvenience yourself to save me? +Never! I will not consent to your marrying ULICK. Try some other little +game, darlint" + +TRAGIC HEROINE.--"I will." _[Exit.]_ + +SCENE III.--_The castle moat. O'Malley in the ditch standing in a +picturesque attitude. The Dutch General stands on the summit of a wall +three feet high, and leaning over the battlements--which tower to the +height of three inches--hands O'Malley a pardon. Enter Tragic Heroine +and everybody else._ + +TRAGIC HEROINE.--"O'MALLEY. I have saved you. Now save me. I have just +married ULICK. Kill him for me." + +ULICK _and_ O'MALLEY _accordingly slash each other across the legs with +their rapiers._ O'MALLEY _kills_ ULICK _and embraces the TRAGIC HEROINE. +Everybody shouts "Hurroo!" and the curtain falls._ + +MATADOR. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: EFFECT OF THE PRESIDENT'S PROCLAMATION UPON CERTAIN +PARTIES INTERESTED.] + + * * * * * + +SARSFIELD YOUNG'S PANORAMA. + +PART II. + +THE ALPS. + +These mountains, which are permanently located in Switzerland, and +favorably mentioned in all the geographies, are justly admired by +tourists for their grandeur, natural beauty, and good hotel +accommodations. + +This is a view at sunrise, by one of the early painters. Everything is +up, but Mont Blanc is up more than his neighbors. The whole landscape is +bathed in the golden glories of the orb of day. A bath in the morning is +invigorating indeed. + +These Peaks are clustered around in silent majesty. It looks as though +the entire PEAK family had come here and settled. These snow-capped +summits, wild ravines, mountain torrents, and the series of crags which +WILLIAM TELL was in the habit of addressing, are truly soul-inspiring. + +Here is a guide with his party. These guides are well-trained men, who +never bolt, but always go with their party--the ultramontane. They are +of high birth, and descended from the best Alpen Stock. + +No one should pass the season in Switzerland without seeing these +mountains. They will repay a perusal. + +While the prices may not be extravagant enough for Americans, still, +those who have scaled these noble elevations may well account the +prospect as one of the most striking features of a foreign climb. + +A SCENE IN THE TROPICS. + +This gorgeous painting brings before you all the luxuriance of tropical +vegetation. Magnolias and palm trees wave their heads proudly, while +bananas, oranges, and bread fruit abound in rank profusion. Here the +cane brake stretches away as far as the eye can reach (and to those who +are not near-sighted still farther), recalling those beautiful lines of +the poet:-- + + "Break, break, break!" + +The broad river in the foreground, mountains melting away on the horizon +(that's because they're volcanic), and the sun broiling and sizzling +high up in the heavens, are deliciously blended together. Our artist, +full of perspiration (he can blend better than any man we ever ployed), +has seized upon a moment when all Nature seems to say: ("Steady there, +what makes that canvas wriggle so?") + +Notice the warmth of coloring; and see to what a high degree of art the +general effect is carried-about 90 deg. Fahrenheit in the shade. This +picturesque object is an alligator basking in the sun. Our advice to +inexperienced travellers is: "Let him bask!" + +These cotton fields, rice plantations, and the colored member of +Congress addressing his constituents on the right, all stamp this scene +as unmistakably Southern. + +We will cancel the stamp and move on. + +In our next we shall find that our artist has given himself more +latitude, say about eighty degrees North. + +WINTER IN SPITSBERGEN. + +Behold these regions of eternal ice and snow--miles upon miles of frozen +real estate. There is a great ice monopoly here. All, all is blank; +except the ship over in this corner. She is a prize. This is the place +to buy thermometers; you'll generally find them going very low. The +weather in this region is mostly day and night, but rather irregularly +divided between the two. + +You see these people with rough beards and red shirts, looking like New +York firemen? You take one to be MOSE? You are right--they are +Esquimaux. They are a tough, and hardy race. Though not precisely +students, they yet consume the midnight oil--chiefly as a beverage. + +This great work is the combined production of thirteen artists; twelve +of them, perishing in the attempt, were handsomely buried at our +expense; and the survivor is now keeping a bar, for his own consumption, +at St. Paul, Minnesota. He was compelled to lay aside the brush, which +accounts for the water in this corner not being frozen, as the contract +stipulated. But this allows the ship to which I referred to float +comfortably. + +These small buildings are settlements. They are not so frequent here as +in New York or Chicago, where business men inform me they occur about as +often as--once in two years. + +"Ice cream for sale," on this sign, has a flavor of civilization in it. + +Woman does not go to the poles here, although one of them is only a few +miles distant in a northerly direction, with excellent sleighing. + +I would make a passing allusion to this figure, introduced by artist +number nine, to please the young people. It represents a Spitsbergen +lover. He is clad in fur, and has a catarrh. He is just now oh his +sneeze, warbling hoarsely: "Rein deer in this bosom!" + +_(Sentimental strains from the melodeon.)_ + +THE GRAND CANAL. + +This is not the Erie Canal, but the Grand Canal of Venice. It does not +own so many mules, or forward so much corn and flour, as the New York +concern, but is more airy and picturesque. It is surrounded by palaces; +but what is a palace without a mother? + +These swan-like men-of-war are gondolas. Our skipper is called a +gondolier. Every other skipper is called something worse than that if he +gets in our skipper's way. I respect a man's calling; that is, if he +follows it up energetically. + +The Rialto, with its busy throngs. + +The Bridge of Sighs, where Lord Byron is said to have stood on either +hand. + +A group of native beggars. This man is blind. With this Venetian blind +we beg leave to close this scene. + +SARSFIELD YOUNG. + + * * * * * + +The Flesh-pots or Paris. + +A late newspaper item states as follows:-- + +"The Archbishop of Paris has given permission to use horse-flesh on fast +days." + +It is lucky for Mr. BONNER'S crack horses, then, that they are not +stabled in Paris just now, since they are all considered first-rate for +Fast days. + + * * * * * + +"SOAP"-STONES.--Wall street "rocks." + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. STEWART & CO. | + | | + | ARE NOW OFFERING | + | | + | SHAWL SUITS, | + | | + | ALPACA AND WINCEY SUITS | + | IN ALL COLORS, | + | $8; FORMERLY $12. | + | | + | POPLIN SUITS IN ALL COLORS, | + | $15 EACH AND UPWARDS. | + | | + | BLACK SILK SUITS, | + | $50 EACH AND UPWARDS. | + | | + | An Elegant Assortment of | + | FRENCH AND IRISH POPLIN SUITS, | + | | + | IN EVERY VARIETY, | + | AT POPULAR PRICES. | + | | + | SPECIAL ATTENTION IS PAID TO | + | MOURNING ORDERS. | + | | + | CHOICE STYLES IN | + | BOMBAZINES, BLACK EMPRESS, | + | PARIS CLOTH and | + | CASHMERE SUITS | + | CONSTANTLY ON HAND. | + | | + | BROADWAY, fourth Ave., | + | | + | 9th and 10th Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. STEWART & CO. | + | | + | HAVE ON HAND | + | | + | A MOST MAGNIFICENT ASSORTMENT OF | + | REAL LACE GOODS, | + | | + | CONSISTING OF | + | | + | POINTE LACE COLLARS, SETTS, HANDKERCHIEFS, | + | BARBES, COIFFURES, | + | CAPES, PELLERINES, JACKETS | + | AND SHAWLS. | + | | + | -ALSO- | + | | + | A SUPERB LINE OF | + | REAL BLACK THREAD | + | LACE SHAWLS, | + | JACKETS AND CAPES, | + | BLACK THREAD, BLACK GUIPURE, | + | POINTE GAZE, POINTE APPLIQUE | + | AND VALENCIENNES | + | | + | TRIMMING LACES, | + | FORMING THE | + | LARGEST ASSORTMENT | + | EVER OFFERED | + | IN THIS COUNTRY. | + | | + | These Goods having been purchased at PANIC | + | PRICES in Europe, will be offered, in many | + | instances, | + | | + | Fifty Per Cent. Below Former Cost, | + | | + | BROADWAY, Fourth Ave., | + | | + | 9th and 10th streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | VELVETS, PLUSHES, | + | Velveteens, Etc. | + | | + | A. T. STEWART & CO. | + | | + | ARE RECEIVING | + | | + | BY EACH AND EVERY STEAMER, | + | | + | A FULL SUPPLY OF CHOICE | + | COLORS | + | | + | OF THE ABOVE-NAMED GOODS, | + | | + | FORMING THE LARGEST ASSORTMENT | + | EVER EXHIBITED IN THIS CITY, | + | | + | WHICH THEY OFFER AT RETAIL AND TO THE | + | TRADE, | + | | + | AT EXTREMELY | + | | + | ATTRACTIVE PRICES, | + | | + | BROADWAY, Fourth Ave., | + | 9th and 10th Sts. | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical | + | Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The | + | Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the | + | Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever | + | published in America. | + | | + | CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL | + | | + | Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) . . $4.00 | + | " " six months, (without premium,) . . . 2.00 | + | " " three months, . . . . . . . . . . . 1.00 | + | Single copies mailed free, for . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 | + | | + | | + | "We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO'S | + | CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year, and | + | | + | "The Awakening," (a Litter of Puppies.) Half chromo. | + | Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,)--for. . . . . . $4.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $3.00 chromos: | + | | + | _Wild Roses._ 12-1/8 x 9. | + | | + | Dead Game. 11-1/8 x 8-5/8. | + | | + | Easter Morning. 6-3/5 x 10-1/4--for. . . . . . . . . $5.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $5.00 chromos | + | | + | Group of Chickens; | + | Group of Ducklings; | + | Group of Quails. | + | Each 10 x 12-1/8. | + | | + | The Poultry Yard. 10-1/8 x 14 | + | | + | The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9-3/4 x 13. | + | | + | Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10 x 12 for $6.50 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $6.00 chromos | + | | + | The Baby in Trouble; | + | The Unconscious Sleeper; | + | The Two Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13 x 16-3/4 | + | | + | Spring; Summer; Autumn 12-1/8 x 16-1/2. | + | | + | The Kid's Play Ground. 11 x 17-1/2--for . . . . . . $7.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $7.50 chromos | + | | + | Strawberries and Baskets. | + | | + | Cherries and Baskets. | + | | + | Currants. Each 13 x 18. | + | | + | Horses in a Storm. 22-1/4 x 15-1/4 | + | | + | Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9-1/8 x 4-1/2--for . $8.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and | + | | + | Six American Landscapes. (A set.) 4-3/8 x 9, | + | price $9.00--for . . . . . . . . . . . . $9.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $10 chromos: | + | | + | Sunset in California. (Bierstadt) 18-1/8 x 12 | + | | + | Easter Morning. 14 x 21. | + | | + | Corregio's Magdalen. 12-1/2 x 16-1/8 | + | | + | Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromes.) | + | 15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), | + | for $10.00 | + | | + | Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank | + | Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be | + | sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not | + | otherwise ordered. | + | | + | Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, | + | twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in | + | advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of | + | money. | + | | + | CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be | + | given. For special terms address the Company. | + | | + | The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of | + | seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A | + | specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or | + | getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street. New York. | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +[Illustration: EXERCISE IS A GOOD THING FOR BOYS; BUT IT IS RATHER "TOO +MUCH OF A GOOD THING" WHEN PUSHED TO THE EXTENT OF MAKING YOUR +ENTRANCE-GATE A JUDGE'S STAND FOR A FOOT-RACE BETWEEN BOYS.] + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | "THE PRINTING HOUSE OF THE UNITED STATES" | + | AND | + | "THE UNITED STATES ENVELOPE MANUFACTORY." | + | | + | GEORGE F. NESBITT & CO | + | | + | 163,165,167,169 Pearl St., & 73,75,77,79 Pine St., New-York. | + | | + | Execute all kinds of | + | PRINTING, | + | Furnish all kinds of | + | STATIONERY, | + | Make all kinds of | + | BLANK BOOKS, | + | Execute the finest styles of | + | LITHOGRAPHY | + | Makes the Best and Cheapest | + | ENVELOPES | + | Ever offered to the Public. | + | | + | They have made all the pre-paid Envelopes for the United | + |States Post-Office Department for the past 16 years, and have | + | INVARIABLY BEEN THE LOWEST BIDDERS. Their Machinery is the | + | most complete, rapid and economical known in the trade. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Travelers West and South-West | + | Should bear in mind that the | + | ERIE RAILWAY | + | IS BY FAR THE CHEAPEST, QUICKEST, AND MOST | + | COMFORTABLE ROUTE, | + | | + | | + | Making Direct and Sure Connection at CINCINNATI, | + | with all Lines | + | By Rail or River | + | For NEW ORLEANS, LOUISVILLE, MEMPHIS, | + | ST. LOUIS, VICKSBURG, | + | NASHVILLE, MOBILE, | + | And All Points South and South-west. | + | | + | Its DRAWING-ROOM and SLEEPING COACHES on all Express Trains, | + | running through to Cincinnati without change, are the most | + | elegant and spacious used upon any Road in this country, | + | being fitted up in the most elaborate manner, and having | + | every modern improvement introduced for the comfort of its | + | patrons; running upon the BROAD GAUGE; revealing scenery | + | along the Line unequalled upon this Continent, and rendering | + | a trip over the ERIE, one of the delights and pleasures | + | of this life not to be forgotten. | + | | + | By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., Nos. | + | 241, 529 and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 38 Greenwich | + | St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 Fulton | + | St., Brooklyn: Depots foot of Chambers Street, and foot of | + | 23d St., New York; and the Agents at the principal hotels, | + | travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as well as | + | all the necessary information. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO, | + | | + | VOL. I, ENDING SEPT. 24, | + | | + | BOUND IN EXTRA CLOTH, | + | | + | IS NOW READY. | + | | + | PRICE $2. 50. | + | | + | Sent free by any Publisher on receipt of price, or by | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PROFESSOR JAMES DE MILLE, | + | | + | Author of | + | | + | "THE DODGE CLUB ABROAD" | + | AND OTHER HUMOROUS WORKS, | + | | + | Will Commence a New Serial | + | | + | IN THE NUMBER OF | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | FOR | + | | + | January 7th, 1871, | + | | + | Written expressly for this paper. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FREEMAN & BURR'S | + | CLOTHING WAREHOUSES. | + | | + | 138 & 140 | + | FULTON STREET, | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + | FREEMAN & BURR'S Stock is of unparalleled extent and | + | variety. It embraces Suits, Overcoats, and Clothing of every | + | description, for all ages, and all classes and occasions. | + | | + | ORDERS BY LETTER.--The easy and accurate system for | + | SELF-MEASURE, introduced by FREEMAN & BURR, enables parties | + | in any part of the country to order CLOTHING direct from | + | them, with the certainty of receiving the most PERFECT FIT | + | attainable. | + | | + | RULES FOR SELF-MEASURE, Samples of Goods, Price-list, and | + | Fashion Sheet, sent FREE on application. | + | | + | Overcoats, $6. Winter Suits, $12. | + | Overcoats, $8. Winter Suits, $15. | + | Overcoats, $10. Winter Suits, $20. | + | Overcoats, $15. Winter Suits, $30. | + | Overcoats, $20. Winter Suits, $40. | + | Overcoats, $25. Winter Suits, $50. | + | Overcoats, $30. Boys' Suits, $6. | + | Overcoats, $35. Boys' Suits, $8. | + | Overcoats, $40. Boys' Suits, $12. | + | Overcoats, $45. Boys' Suits, $18. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A CHRISTMAS STORY, | + | | + | Written expressly for this Paper, | + | | + | By FRANK R. STOCKTON, | + | | + | Author of "Ting-a-ling," etc., etc., | + | | + | WILL BE COMMENCED IN No. 38, FOR DECEMBER 17TH, AND | + | CONCLUDED IN THREE NUMBERS. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 36, December +3, 1870, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO 36 *** + +***** This file should be named 10292.txt or 10292.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/2/9/10292/ + +Produced by Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze and PG Distributed +Proofreaders + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS," WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Each eBook is in a subdirectory of the same number as the eBook's +eBook number, often in several formats including plain vanilla ASCII, +compressed (zipped), HTML and others. + +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks replace the old file and take over +the old filename and etext number. The replaced older file is renamed. +VERSIONS based on separate sources are treated as new eBooks receiving +new filenames and etext numbers. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + +EBooks posted prior to November 2003, with eBook numbers BELOW #10000, +are filed in directories based on their release date. If you want to +download any of these eBooks directly, rather than using the regular +search system you may utilize the following addresses and just +download by the etext year. + + http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext06 + + (Or /etext 05, 04, 03, 02, 01, 00, 99, + 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90) + +EBooks posted since November 2003, with etext numbers OVER #10000, are +filed in a different way. The year of a release date is no longer part +of the directory path. The path is based on the etext number (which is +identical to the filename). The path to the file is made up of single +digits corresponding to all but the last digit in the filename. For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: + https://www.gutenberg.org/GUTINDEX.ALL + + |