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diff --git a/old/10106-8.txt b/old/10106-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..00b6b13 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10106-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2508 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. II., No. 34, November 19, +1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. II., No. 34, November 19, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: November 17, 2003 [EBook #10106] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO 34 *** + + + + +Produced by Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze and PG Distributed +Proofreaders + + + + + + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PATENT BINDERS FOR | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO," | + | | + | to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent post-paid, | + | on receipt of One Dollar, by | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street, New York City. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | We will Mail Free | + | | + | A COVER, | + | | + | Lettered and Stamped, with New Title-Page, | + | | + | FOR BINDING | + | | + | FIRST VOLUME, | + | | + | On Receipt of 50 Cents, | + | | + | OR THE | + | | + | TITLE-PAGE ALONE, FREE, | + | | + | On application to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HARRISON, BRADFORD & CO.'S STEEL PENS. | + | | + | These Pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and cheaper | + | than any other Pen in the market. Special attention is | + | called to the following grades, as being better suited for | + | business purposes than any Pen manufactured. The | + | | + | "505," "22," and the "Anti-Corrosive," | + | | + | we recommend for Bank and Office use. | + | | + | D. APPLETON & CO., | + | | + | Sole Agents for the United States. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + +Vol. II. No. 34. + + +PUNCHINELLO + + +SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 1870. + + +PUBLISHED BY THE + + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, + +83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK. + + * * * * * + +PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Joy of Autumn," "Prairie Flowers," "Lake +George," "West Point," "Beethoven," large and small. + +PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the world. + +PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp. + +L. PRANG & CO., Boston. + + +See 15th Page for Extra Premiums. + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bound Volume No. 1. | + | | + | The first volume of PUNCHINELLO--the only first-class, | + | original, illustrated, humorous and satirical--weekly paper | + | published in this country--ending with No. 26, September 24, | + | 1870, | + | | + | Bound in Extra Cloth, | + | | + | is now ready for delivery, | + | | + | PRICE $2.50. | + | | + | Sent postpaid to any part of the United States on receipt of | + | price. | + | | + | A copy of the paper for one year, from October 1st, No. 27, | + | and the Bound Volume (the latter prepaid), will be sent to | + | any subscriber for $5.50. | + | | + | Three copies for one year, and three Bound Volumes, with an | + | extra copy of Bound Volume, to any person sending us three | + | subscriptions for $16.50. | + | | + | One copy of paper for one year, With a fine chromo premium, | + | for $4.00 | + | | + | Single copies, mailed free .10 | + | | + | Back numbers can always be supplied, as the paper is | + | electrotyped. | + | | + | Book canvassers will find this volume a | + | | + | Very Salable Book. | + | | + | Orders supplied at a very liberal discount. | + | | + | All remittances should be made in Post-Office orders. | + | | + | Canvassers wanted for the paper everywhere. Send for our | + | Special Circular. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | Punchinello Publishing Co., | + | | + | 83 NASSAU ST., N.Y. | + | | + | P.O. Box No. 2783. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | THE HANDSOMEST AND THE BEST. | + | | + | Every Saturday, | + | | + | THE GREAT ILLUSTRATED PAPER OF | + | | + | AMERICA. | + | | + | Illustrated with Drawings from the Best Artists in America | + | and Europe. | + | | + | Able Editorials, Excellent Stories, Attractive Miscellaneous | + | Reading. | + | | + | BEAUTIFULLY PRINTED ON TINTED PAPER. | + | | + | For Sale everywhere. | + | | + | FIELDS, OSGOOD & CO., Publishers, Boston. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO | + | | + | JOHN NICKINSON, | + | | + | ROOM NO. 4. | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, N.Y. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | TO NEWS DEALERS | + | | + | Punchinello's Monthly. | + | | + | The Weekly Numbers for October, | + | | + | Bound in a Handsome Cover, | + | | + | Is now ready. Price 40 cents. | + | | + | THE TRADE | + | | + | Published by the | + | | + | AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, | + | | + | Who are now prepared to receive Orders. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bowling Green Savings-Bank, | + | | + | 38 BROADWAY, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + | Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M. | + | | + | Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents | + | to Ten Thousand Dollars, will be received. | + | | + | Six Per Cent. Interest, | + | Free of Government Tax. | + | | + | INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS | + | | + | Commences on the First of every Month. | + | | + | HENRY SMITH, _President._ | + | | + | REEVES E. SELMES, _Secretary._ | + | | + | WALTER ROCHE, EDWARD HOGAN, _Vice-Presidents_ | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FACTS FOR THE LADIES. | + | | + | I have a Wheeler & Wilson machine (No. 289), bought of Mr. | + | Gardner In 1853, he having used it a year. I have used it | + | constantly, in shirt manufacturing as well as family sewing, | + | sixteen years. My wife ran it four years, and earned between | + | $700 and $800, besides doing her housework. I have never | + | expended fifty cents on it for repairs. It is, to-day, in | + | the best of order, stitching fine linen bosoms nicely. I | + | started manufacturing shirts with this machine, and now have | + | over one hundred of them in use. I have paid at least $3,000 | + | for the stitching done by this old machine, and it will do | + | as much now as any machine I have. | + | | + | W.F. TAYLOR. | + | | + | BERLIN, N.Y. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | GEO. B. BOWLEND, | + | | + | Draughtsman & Designer, | + | | + | No. 100 Fulton Street, | + | | + | Room No. 11, NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HENRY L STEPHENS, | + | | + | ARTIST, | + | | + | No. 160 FULTON STREET, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | GEORGE WEVILL, | + | | + | WOOD ENGRAVER, | + | | + | 208 BROADWAY, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FOLEY'S | + | | + | GOLD PENS. | + | | + | THE BEST AND CHEAPEST. | + | | + | 256 BROADWAY | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | The only Journal of its kind in America!! | + | | + | The American Chemist: | + | | + | A MONTHLY JOURNAL | + | | + | OF | + | | + | Theoretical, Analytical, and Technical Chemistry | + | | + | DEVOTED ESPECIALLY TO AMERICAN INTERESTS. | + | | + | EDITED BY | + | | + | Chas. F. Chandler, Ph.D., & W.H. Chandler. | + | | + | The columns of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST are open for the | + | reception of original articles from any part of the country, | + | subject to approval of the editor. Letters of inquiry on any | + | point of interest within the scope of the Journal will | + | receive prompt attention. | + | | + | THE AMERICAN CHEMIST | + | | + | Is a Journal of especial interest to | + | | + | SCHOOLS AND MEN OF SCIENCE, TO COLLEGES, APOTHECARIES, | + | DRUGGISTS, PHYSICIANS, ASSAYERS, DYERS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, | + | MANUFACTURERS. | + | | + | And all concerned in scientific pursuits. Subscription, | + | $5.00 per annum. In advance. 50 cts. per number. Specimen | + | copies, 25 cts. | + | | + | Address WILLIAM BALDWIN & CO., | + | | + | Publishers and Proprietors, | + | | + | 434 Broome Street, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +Entered according to Art of Congress, in the year 1870, by the +Punchinello Publishing Company, in the Office of the Librarian of +Congress at Washington. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: WALKING DOWN CHATHAM STREET. + +_Clothier._ "Step in and look at our goods, Captain. Summer stuffs at a +discount--nice lot o' white ducks at half price." + +_Sportsman._ "I beat you there. I've got a nice lot o' black ducks here +that ain't to be had at any price."] + + * * * * * + +BRILLIANCY OF THE "SUN." + +The Moon, as is generally known, shines with a borrowed light, while the +Sun is popularly supposed to manufacture its own gas and to arrange its +pyrotechnics on the premises. Our N.Y. _Sun_, however, does not always +manufacture its own beams. By far the most brilliant of the "sunbeams," +for instance, published in that journal of November 1st, is the quaint +and charming little poem there headed "Sally Salter," and written +originally for Punchinello, in the issue of which publication for Oct. +1st it made its first appearance, under the title of "The Lovers." We +congratulate the _Sun_ on having thus successfully lit its pipe with +Punchinello's fire, though we think it might have been gracious enough +to have acknowledged the favor. + + * * * * * + +A PEOPLE OF TASTE. + +The extraordinary liberality of the generous people of Connecticut has +frequently excited apprehension in the minds of their friends, that, +sooner or later, as the result of their spendthrift career, they must +come to beggary. But we are glad to hear that they are making an effort +in New Haven to reform. The grocery men there say that their customers +taste so much before they can make up their minds to buy anything, that +what with gratuitous slices of cheese and specimen mouthfuls of sugar +and sample spoonfuls of molasses, the shop-keeper's profits are most +dolefully diminished. A particularly BLUE LAW against this economical +custom will have the effect of sobering down these brilliant Cullers. + + * * * * * + +"What Answer?" + +Is it likely that HORACE GREELEY, or any other man, could steer this +country through its difficulties by means of the tillers of the soil? + + * * * * * + +ANY MORE CAVES? + +About the dreariest magazine or other reading we know of--and we get a +deal of it, too--is that which describes the visits of enthusiastic +persons to big caves underground, very dark, damp, dreary, ugly, +funereal--with winding ways and huge holes, water with eyeless fish, and +certain drippings called stalagmites and stalactites. The enthusiasts, +who always possess that priceless treasure self-satisfaction, and a +boundless capacity for wonder (which is always ready to exercise itself +with anything that is big, however ugly), and the "Palaces," and +"Halls," and "Cascades," and "Altars," and "Bridal Wreaths" they see +there are not only finer than real ones (if you would believe them!) but +so grand and wonderful as to be really indescribable. So we find them, +by their turgid and stupid reports, which are all alike, and all dreary +and silly. We have never heard of anybody who got excited over these +pictures (except the artists themselves); and positively there is no +flatter reading anywhere than these gushing notes about big caves. + + * * * * * + +GEOMETRICAL. + +Why is it that we hear so much of the proper "Sphere" of woman? Here is +that noble exile, the Princess Editha Montez, lecturing again, and her +subject, of course, is the Spherical one. So when Mesdames Stanton, +Dickinson, Anthony, Howe--all the lovely lecturers--discourse, they +forget the platform which is plane, and discuss the "sphere" which is +mysterious. Can it possibly be that it is because these amiable +gentlewomen are always going round? Or is it because they cannot help +reasoning in a circle? Or is there some occult relation between spheres +and hoops? Or has the wedding-ring something to do with it? It should be +understood, that these are questions addressed solely to male +mathematicians; for Mr. P. is unlike John Graham, and doesn't care to +cross-examine ladies. + + * * * * * + +SECRETION EXTRAORDINARY. + +It is done by Mollusks. We can tell you even the precise kind--it is the +Gasteropod kind. Not only this, we know the very devil himself that does +it. (And you will say that "devil" is not a particle too rough a term, +when we come to tell what it is he "secretes.") It is the _Dolium +galea_, good friends, and we could tell you six other kinds that are +suspected of this meanness. One of 'em is the _Pleurobranchidium_ +--which, of course, you have often heard of. + +Well, what do these wretched Mollusks go and secrete? We can tell +you--we, who know everything. It is sulphuric acid! What! do they steal +it? Oh, no; they "evolve" it--probably from the "depths of their own +consciousness." + +And what do they do it for? Well, they bore with it. Give 'em a chance, +and they'll go through _you_. The acid eats its way, and then they eat +_their_ way. That way is not ours, exactly; but we have known human +beings about as venomous as this creature, and with precisely the same +tendency to pierce one. They do it with their tongues, it is true, but +the perforation is complete. + + * * * * * + +THE WRONG PLACE. + +We are unusually astonished to find the Female Reformers holding their +meeting in this city in Apollo Hall. It is well known that Apollo was a +god of the male persuasion; and to have everything "mix up well," these +philosophical dames should have a Minerva Hall or a Diana Hall of their +own. Besides, was not Apollo the God of Harmony? Precious little of that +same was there at this meeting; for there was the Medical Mary Walker +trying to make a speech, while the Chairwoman put her down, causing Mary +de Medici to cry out with shrill indignation: "Tyrant!" Bless us! we +thought all the tyrants were we Bearded Ones. + + * * * * * + +A LETTER FROM CHICAGO. + +Purposely or otherwise, we are all on our way to California now--men, +women, and children--graybeards and babies. We did Europe two or three +years ago, so that idea is obsolete, excepting as a bridal tour; then, +too, the more peaceably inclined, who have not seen the European +elephant, would prefer to wait until that country is again in a state of +quiescence. But Chicago is constantly sending out her adventure-loving +citizens upon the Pacific road, each one of whom looks, sees, admires, +and suddenly develops an epistolary talent hitherto undreamed of by his +most enthusiastic friends. There's our MELISSA, for instance--she never +used to have a pen in her hand more than once in the course of six +months, and _now_--why, we really seem to have another SÉVIGNÉ budding +right in our midst. She went to California, saw all the sights, and +wondered, and admired, and _wrote_. The floods of eloquence that had so +long been slumbering now burst forth beyond all hindrance or control. +She stopped at Salt Lake, and called upon BRIGHAM YOUNG, and was so +disgusted with the mighty prophet that she would not look at him. Yet, +considering that circumstance, she described his personal appearance +with wonderful vividness and accuracy. She indulged in the usual amount +of stern remonstrance and indignation, that seem to be almost +indispensable to the occasion. ALONZO asked why she called upon the +dreadful man, and somewhat maliciously inquired if it was not for the +express purpose of being shocked and horrified, thus affording a fine +chance to moralize, and display the elevation of her own principles, +and, in fact, help to fill out a good article; but MELISSA most +vigorously denied the soft impeachment. Then she saw the sad wives, +whose days of sunshine are gone by, and the merry ones,--who don the cap +and bells deliberately; and for their benefit she expended just the +proper degree of astonishment and sympathy--so fully substantiating the +sound and praiseworthy condition of her own mind and heart. + +This excellent young woman also caught glimpses of the red man, and here +was another glorious opportunity to display her literary genius--and she +did not let the occasion slip--O no! it produced a plaintive little +rhapsody of pity and regret, such as "Mr. Lo!" is apt to inspire in the +hearts of the young and romantic, although if MELISSA were to find +herself alone in a forest, with the faintest suspicion of "Mr. Lo!" +meandering anywhere near, she would most likely apply her hand +involuntarily to her trembling chignon, and regret as keenly as all +_hard-hearted_ persons, that civilization has not carried out the +process of extermination even more thoroughly than it has done. Indeed, +she would probably wish the red gentleman at the bottom of the Red Sea, +or in some other equally damp and discouraging situation. The +noble-hearted braves are so much prettier to read about than to +encounter, and the thrill occasioned by the sight of a bloody hatchet +suspended over the intricate elaboration which we so fondly term a head, +though more exciting perhaps, would scarcely be as delightful as that +awakened by some perfectly safe and stirring ballad of the red man's +wrongs. + +MELISSA'S ideas of refinement met with a great shock. She concluded that +the Indians' acquaintance with soap and water must be extremely limited, +and thought that the distribution amongst them of several boxes of +COLGATE'S best would be a most delicate courtesy, and true missionary +enterprise. In looking at these noble representatives of savage life, +she was greatly puzzled to discover where the dirt ended and the Indian +began: but philanthropy should overlook such trifles. Philanthropy +shouldn't be squeamish. + +MELISSA, ecstasized over Lake Tahoe, and Yo Semité, and the Big Trees, +and was delighted, enchanted, and enraptured in the most thorough and +conscientious manner. She revelled amongst California grapes and pears, +and quaffed the California wines with appropriate delight and hilarity. +She also studied JOHN CHINAMAN in all his phases, and came to the +conclusion that he would do. She thought it would be a seraphic +experience to see the pride and importance of Misses BRIDGET and +GRETCHEN taken down a little. JOHN would certainly not possess the +voluble eloquence--of the first, nor the stolid impudence of the second, +nor would he have, like the pretty Swede, a train of admirers a mile in +length. Of course he would not have these advantages to recommend him. +But then one can get along without florid oratory in the kitchen, and +although a lady may feel highly pleased and flattered to see an unending +procession of admirers file in and out of her drawing-rooms, still she +has a most decided objection to seeing the same imposing spectacle in +her kitchen. Women, will be inconsistent. + +MELISSA particularly admired JOHN'S manner of ironing. She thought it +peculiar but genteel, and gentility is always desirable. There must be +something about the climate of California that is especially inspiring +to authors--a kind of magnetism in the atmosphere that draws out all the +literary talent which may be lying dormant in their souls--so that any +one desirous of becoming a writer, has only to take a trip to that +fascinating region, and at some unexpected moment he will awake with +rapture and delight to the blessed consciousness of having blossomed +into a flower of genius, and, as such, will feel privileged at once to +deluge his family, his friends, and the world in general, with the +brilliant results of his most delightful discovery. + + * * * * * + +THE PROFIT OF PURITAN PRISONS. + +Spain has commissioned a Mr. AZCARATE, a Cuban, to visit and report upon +our penal institutions, and the gentleman is now in the country. We +trust he will not fail to visit the Connecticut State Prison. There he +would unquestionably obtain numerous hints for improving the Spanish +system of prison torture, or even that in vogue in his native land, for +political prisoners. There he might learn how Yankee thrift, applied in +this direction, makes the starving of convicts even a more profitable +business than manufacturing wooden nutmegs. Perhaps not the least +valuable information he would gain, would be the best method of goading +obnoxious prisoners into revolt, and thus obtaining a chance for +disposing of them, legally, by a capital conviction. + + * * * * * + +AN OPEN CONGRESSIONAL COUNTENANCE. + +It is oddly enough objected to the re-election of a certain Member of +Congress from Massachusetts, that "he can't open his mouth." It might be +answered that Gen. BUTLER is quite able to open his mouth wide enough +for the whole delegation. The mouth may be opened for two purposes, +viz., speech-making and swallowing; and it never appeared to us that +there was any lack either of Bolting or Bellering in the House of +Representatives. However notably Honorable Gentlemen may play the game +either of Gab or Grab, it isn't so clear that their constituents are +much benefited by these accomplishments. If all they want is an +open-mouthed Member, why don't the Massachusetts men import a +first-class crocodile, and send him to the National Menagerie in +Washington? + + * * * * * + +SPREAD OF AMERICAN PRINCIPLES. + +It is with a heart full of patriotic pride and gratitude that Mr. +PUNCHINELLO observes the adoption, in his dear native Italy, of the +manners and customs of the Land of his Adoption. At an election recently +held in Rome, about something or some other thing, one enterprising +Roman has been discovered who voted "yes" twenty-five times in as many +electoral urns--thereby, it is to be presumed, earning a good deal of +money. We have a more lively hope for charming Italy when we find even a +single citizen exhibiting a skill which would do honor to the most +accomplished professional voter in New York. There is something +encouraging in finding the Sons of ST. PETER becoming, every one of +them, Re-Peters. + + * * * * * + +To Commentators. + +The "Sun of York," mentioned in Richard III., has no reference to the +"Sun of New York" neither was the quotation, "Who is here so base, that +would be a bondman?" especially meant for application to "THE" ALLEN. + + * * * * * + +Beatific. + +They talk a great deal about the twenty-eight inch beet they have grown +in California, but a policeman of this city has a beat three miles long. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: "SICH A GITTIN' UP STARES." + +_1st festive Cuss._ "WHAT MAKES FOLKS STARE AT US SO?" + +_2d Festive Cuss._ "ON ACCOUNT OF OUR ELEGANT COSTOOM, I GUESS. THEY +TAKE YOU FOR WALL STREET, AND ME FOR FIFTH AVENUE."] + + * * * * * + +OUR EYE-WITNESS AT THE ELECTIONS. + +We suppose that no individual has rendered more invaluable service as a +historian than the distinguished Eye-witness of the newspapers. The +friends of PUNCHINELLO will therefore be rejoiced to hear that this +accurate reporter was engaged to detail for our readers the progress of +the late elections. + +Some time ago, the Eye-witness set about organizing the campaign by the +masterly and novel plan of inducing the leaders of the opposing +political parties to nominate different men for the same office. The +effect was electrical. Immediately on these nominations being made +public, the people rose like one man, and began canvassing like a great +many different and very quarrelsome men. Target companies sprang from +the recesses of the East Side, like ghosts from the rocks in _Der +Freischütz;_ drums and fifes resounded; cannons boomed; fireworks burst +into flame. The Eye-witness, having thus set the universe satisfactorily +by the ears, got into his second-story front, and contemplated the +campaign with serene complacency from the window. + +He had not to wait very long for a Mass Meeting to be formed under his +very nose, and, consequently, within range of his witnessing and +recording Eye. This Mass Meeting was conducted by the "Intelligent" +Party, and was announced to be speedily followed by a Multitudinous +Assemblage of the "Enlightened" Party. These two factions, as it will +readily be observed, and as their names indicate, are of the most widely +varying character and scope; a fact to be further illustrated by the +proceedings which followed. + +The intelligent began to assemble early in the evening, to the sound of +guns and drums and sky-rockets. These accompaniments were intended to +get their spirits up, but the Intelligent persistently applied +themselves to getting spirits down; and when the rival processes had +continued for a reasonable length of time, speakers began to appear upon +the stands. The first man who addressed them was the Commercial +Candidate. + +"Fellow-citizens," said he, "why are you here? To elect me, of course. +(Immense cheering.) And why will you elect me? I am an honest man: I +want no office. (Laughter and cheers.) Ah, my friends, you elect me +because you are now paying $5.36 on every pound of Peruvian Bark and +Egyptian Mummy which you use in every-day life, and because you know +that when I am in, the other party will be out!" (Continued applause.) + +Next rose an ex-Senator, who said he had come wholly unprepared to +speak, but, being unexpectedly called upon, had made some brief jottings +on a visiting-card, to which he would now refer. He then spoke for one +hour and three-quarters. At the close there was an intermission for +carrying off the dead. + +JONES, the candidate for the office of Vituperator, then cleared his +throat savagely. + +"My friends," he began, "BROWN, the opposing candidate, is a scamp, and +he knows it. If any man says he isn't, _he_ is. (Loud cheers.) Do you +ask me to prove it? Prove an axiom! (Applause.) Who but a damned rascal +would run against me at election? I tell you it is assault and battery! +(Sounds of approbation.) In conclusion, I will only add that Brown is an +infernal bummer and a sneak." (Cheers.) + +The Intelligent then dispersed in a splendidly ferocious and +bloody-minded condition, fully primed for the election. Shortly +afterward the Enlightened appeared upon the scene in the following + +ORDER OF PROCESSION. + +Cordon of Police. +Drum. +Committee of Arrangements. +Fife. +Target Company. +Drum and Fife. +Small boys. +Apple-women. +Drum. + +The Enlightened candidate for the Vituperator was the first on the +stand. He rushed forward and said:-- + +"The Vituperative candidate of the Intelligent let fall in a former +speech some subtle or carefully worded innuendoes as to my character. I +have only to say that his speech was a tissue of falsehood. I will +trespass upon your patience further, to add that JONES is an infernal +bummer and a sneak. If he is not, my fellow-citizens, why then I am. +(Indignant cries of 'That's so!') My friends, you cannot doubt this +reasoning. The facts are then conclusive. Either he is a bummer, or I +am. It is therefore your duty, on the 8th November, to elect me at once +and in fact to the office of Vituperator, and prospectively to those of +Mayor, Governor, and President of the United States." (Prolonged +cheering.) + +Mr. DE MAGOG, a very giant of eloquence, a Gog as well as Magog of +oratory, next set the enlightened agog with a speech. + +"Fellow-citizens! Men and Brothers! Victory or defeat! Liberty or death! +Glorious republic! Stars and Stripes! Down with the traitor! To the +polls! Red fire--blood and thunder"--(voice drowned in shouts of wild +enthusiasm.) + +The Eye-witness, meantime, had become distracted with harassing doubts. +Subscribing fully to the politics of PUNCHINELLO, which is the only +paper he reads, he had hitherto announced himself as a member of the +Right Party. Being, however, open to conviction, he had unfortunately +permitted both parties to convict him. In this awful crisis Reason +appeared about to totter from her throne. The Eye-witness thrust his +head wildly from the window, and shrieked to the crowd below: "Where's +the Right Man? I belong to the Right Party. I want to hear the Right +Man!!" + +At once the mob became a sea of upturned faces. The Enlightened, +together with a large number of the Intelligent, who had lingered on the +scene, with one common consent lifted up their voices and groaned. The +groan was but a premonitory thunder to a shower of sticks, stones, +whiskey-bottles, and superannuated eggs. The Eye-witness closed the +window with an undignified bang, and retired into the depths of his +chamber, where he remained until after the election. Owing to a dimness +of vision, resulting from the eggs-cruciating condition of his ocular +organs, the occupation of the Eye-witness was from that moment gone. And +to this fact must be attributed his inability to state, with any +certainty, whether the Right Party has succeeded in putting the Right +Man in the Right Place; but he rather thinks it has. + + * * * * * + +Spots on the Sun. + +The _Sun_ is eclipsed by the _World,_ and is far behind the _Times._ It +cannot be considered a _Standard_ sheet, and will never personify the +_Star_ newspaper. Receiving its _News_ with the _Mail,_ as a _Herald_ it +is valueless. It cannot claim to be a _Journal of Commerce,_ and as a +_Tribune_ for the people it is a failure, and it does not shine as a +_Democrat,_ for it relies on the _Post_ for most of its intelligence. + +Moral.--Keep the _Sun_ out of your eyes. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A CHEERFUL PROSPECT. + +_First Old Loafer_. "THE PAPERS SAYS THERE'S A CHANCE OF THE BOURBON DIE +NASTY REIGNING IN FRANCE AGAIN." + +_Second ditto_. "BULLY! IF THERE'S ANYTHING I LIVE FOR ITS A HIGH OLD +RAIN OF BOURBON. LET IT POUR!"] + + * * * * * + +SARSFIELD YOUNG ON FORT SUMTER. + +The country was indignant that Fort Sumter was not reinforced. Major +Anderson's supplies were nearly exhausted, and he wanted twenty thousand +men, with equipments and rations. If the Government couldn't afford the +rations--very well: it ought at least to given him the men. + +I am speaking of the late rebellion, which GREELEY, HEADLEY, and others +have written up. Although a publishing company at Hartford, Conn., own +most of the facts of the war, which they peddle out only by +subscription, they can give the public but little of the secret history +of the Fort Sumter affair. That remains to be written, while WELLER and +I remain to write it. The Ex-Secretary has gracefully left it to me to +describe the midnight session of the Cabinet at which I chanced to be +present. + +I was boarding at the White House at the time, and as President LINCOLN +assured me it would be rather interesting, I was persuaded to attend. +"The fact is, the crisis reminds me," said he, of a little story of a +horse-trot in Arkansas--" + +"Sir," interrupted I, "it reminds me of a dozen stories, one of AEsop's +fables, and two hundred lives of CHAUCER." + +He was afraid to continue. + +As the clock struck twelve, he called the meeting to order and remarked: +"Gentlemen, ANDERSON is in Sumter. The question now is,--what will he do +with it?" + +South Carolina was out. BUCHANAN had done nothing. Everywhere was +distrust. (That very day they had refused, on Pennsylvania avenue, to +trust me for a spring overcoat.) STANTON was getting his dark lantern +ready for nightly interviews with SUMNER and WENDELL PHILLIPS in a +vacant lot upon the outskirts of the Capitol. Universal gloom prevailed. + +SEWARD opened the discussion. He said it was contemplated to throw four +thousand men into Fort Sumter. We couldn't do it. If we did, it would +only be one of the first throes of a civil conflict, a war long and +bloody, which he would venture to predict might be protracted even to +the extent of ninety days. Were we prepared for that? He would like to +hear from that pure patriot, the Secretary of War, on this point. + +Amid murmurs of applause, Gen. CAMERON rose to say that he was wholly +unprepared to make a speech; but he owned a lot of condemned muskets, +which he stood ready to dispose of to the Government at four times their +original cost. He should advise that the Fort be covered with several +thicknesses of Pennsylvania railroad iron. It would protect our gallant +troops, and he was now, as he had always been, in favor of protection. +Besides, he knew parties who could get up a ring in the way of army +blankets. + +Mr. CHASE spoke rather thick and fast, but I understood him to pronounce +in favor of that platform which would get the most votes. "If the people +think it ought to be done, why, do it. The country needs taxation, and +is anxious to have me President. I think I can borrow money enough in +Wall street to pay the passage of a moderate number of men to +Charleston, but they mustn't on any account be CHASE men. I don't want +any of my friends killed off before the next Presidential election." + +"What the Administration lacks," chimed in BLAIR, "is backbone. Powder +and ball, and blood are my sentiments. Fill all the army and navy +offices with the BLAIR family, and secession is dead." + +SEWARD again: "Strengthen Pickens, and let Sumter go. Our soldiers will +find it healthier and more commodious at Pickens. I'll have the +_Powhatan_ sent there forthwith." + +Hereupon Mr. GIDEON WELLES woke up and remarked, in a strain of apology, +that be hadn't read his commission yet, but it was his impression that +he was the head of what was called the Navy Department. Coming from an +inland town, he didn't exactly know whether the Secretary of State or +himself had the ordering about of our national vessels; but he rather +thought he would relieve his friend SEWARD of that burden. He had talked +with several old sea-dogs. They all agreed that the success of the plan +depended on its feasibility. Capt. Fox, a private citizen of +Massachusetts, had been down there with a horse and buggy, and reports +that a squad of marines could do the job up in good style. + +Mr. BATES was called upon, and stated that strengthening Sumter, without +giving the Southerners four weeks' notice of our intention, would not, +in his opinion, be unconstitutional. + +At this juncture Mr. FLOYD (who, having acquired the habit of attending +BUCHANAN'S cabinet meetings, had not quite got over it) put his head in +for a moment to suggest, that if the Black Republican Government would +evacuate all the forts on Southern territory, remunerate his friends for +their expenses, and execute a quit-claim deed of Washington and the +national property to JEFF. DAVIS and other Southern leaders, the +proposition might possibly be accepted, and trouble avoided. + +Mr. SEWARD rose to add only a word, and that word was "Pickens." + +The Secretary of the Interior observed, that as Charleston harbor wasn't +in his department, he would say nothing. + +Mr. BATES urged that the people of his section were loyal to the flag; +in fact, they not only wanted the flag but the Capitol itself, and the +national buildings (except the monument), removed to St. Louis; if they +couldn't get that, they might be satisfied if Fort Sumter were towed +around there, up the Mississippi. It would certainly be a good deal +safer there. + +Mr. GIDEON WELLES wanted it distinctly understood that Gen. SCOTT, Gen. +HOLT, Capt. FOX and the _Powhatan_ could save the country if Mr. SEWARD +would let them; otherwise he would make a minute of these deliberations, +and if his friend Mr. YOUNG (whom he was pleased to see present) didn't +expose it, he himself would put it in the shape of a lively sketch, and +send it to the magazines. + +"Well--now," said Mr. LINCOLN, after patiently waiting, "this reminds me +of the man in Pomeroy, Ohio, who kept what he called an 'eating saloon.' +One morning, a tall hoosier came in and called for ham and eggs. 'Can't +giv 'em to ye, stranger,' said the proprietor, 'but what'll ye hav' +t'drink?--don't keep nothin' but a bar.' 'Yer don't? Then what'n thunder +yer got that sign out thar for?' for the fellow was a little mad. 'Why +yer see I call her a eating saloon, 'cos I reckon she eats up all the +profits." + +This beautiful and appropriate anecdote, which seemed to throw a flood +of light upon the critical State question under consideration, pleased +every one except FLOYD, who swore it was ungenerous and unchivalric. +Hastily withdrawing, he threatened to telegraph it verbatim to the +insurgents; it would fire the Southern heart. + +SEWARD said he was going home, as he had already sent the _Powhatan_ to +PICKENS. + +Mr. LINCOLN yawned, and turning to me, inquired: "Well, SARSFIELD, you +see what a man's got to do to run this machine,--now what's your +advice?" + +"Your Excellency," I replied, "there's a man in the tanning business at +Galena, in your State. Telegraph him at once. His name is GRANT, and if +you give him the tools to work with, he'll straighten everything out for +you as neat as a pin." + +The meeting dissolved without taking heed of my suggestion, and the +world knows the result. However, there's one thing I am proud of. I +claim to have discovered GRANT four years before WASHBURN did. That's +the secret why I can have any office I want under the present +administration. + +SARSFIELD YOUNG. + + * * * * * + +THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. + +The popularity of opera among fashionable people in this city varies +inversely as the intelligibility of the language in which it is sung. + +To illustrate! The Italian opera is fashionable, though not one in ten +of the people composing an average audience understand a word that is +said or sung. The French opera is less fashionable, but perhaps +one-third of the audience can understand the less ingenious of the +indelicate jokes. The English opera is not fashionable, but every one +can understand every word that Miss RICHINGS or Miss HERSEE pronounces. +These facts undoubtedly stand in the relation of cause and effect. +Wherefore the axiom with which this column begins. + +To be sure, the words of an opera are a matter of very little +consequence, the music speaking as plainly as the clearest of Saxon +sentences. But the fashionable public knows less of music than it knows +of languages, and would be quite capable of mistaking "_Gran Dio_" for a +comic song, and "_Libiamo_" for a lover's lamentation, were not the +translated libretto of _Traviata_ at hand to supply them and the critics +of the minor papers, with the cue for the display of appropriate +emotion. Singers, especially, understand the full force of the above +stated axiom. Hence, those who are deficient in voice avoid the English +stage. Miss KELLOGG, for example, never attempted English opera, because +she knew that people who had heard ROSE HERSEE or CAROLINE RICHINGS +would laugh at her claim to be "the greatest living Prima Donna," should +she compete with those birds of English song. Wherefore, she wisely +confined herself to the Italian stage, sure of pleasing a public that +knows nothing of music, but is confident that a lady who enjoys the +friendship of Madison avenue must be a great singer. PAREPA, on the +contrary, turned from the Italian to the English stage,--but then PAREPA +had a voice. + +How many years is it since CAROLINE RICHINGS first sung in English +opera? It is an ungallant question, but the answer would be still more +ungallant were it not that Miss RICHINGS is an artist; and with artists +the crown of youth never loses the brightness of its laurel leaves. At +any rate, she has sung long enough to compel the recognition of her +claims to our gratitude and admiration. She is not faultless in her +method, but she differs from other great American prime donne in the +important particular of possessing voice enough to fill an auditorium +larger than the average minstrel hall. + +At present she is filling NIBLO'S GARDEN with her voice and its +admirers. We go to hear her. PALMER and ZIMMERMANN, clad in velvet and +fine linen, flit gorgeously about the lobby, and are mistaken, by rural +visitors, for JIM FISK and HORACE GREELEY--concerning whom the tradition +prevails in rural districts that they are clothed in a style materially +different from that affected by King Solomon at the period of his +greatest glory. We find our seats, and mentally remarking that NIBLO'S +is the one theatre in this city from which it would be possible to +escape with whole bones and coat in case of fire, we await with +contented minds the lifting of the curtain. + +In time the opera begins, and a select company of young men who are +standing in the rear of the audience improve every possible opportunity +for breaking into rapturous applause. Their zeal occasionally outruns +their discretion, and they finally ruin the attempt of Miss RICHINGS to +execute a florid cadenza at the end of one of her arias. An intelligent +usher is therefore detailed to curse them into a comprehension of their +duties, after which they applaud with a discretion which produces almost +exactly the effect of spontaneous enthusiasm. + +Remarks a young lady near us, who is dressed with much wealth of +contrasting colors:--"This isn't half so nice as the Italian opera. Miss +RICHINGS can't dress half so nicely as Miss KELLOGG, and then you don't +see any fashionable people here. The DAVIDS, the ABRAHAMS, the AARONS, +the NOAHS, that handsome Mr. JACOBS, and that delightful Mr. MOSES,--all +these elegant young men with beautiful eyes and curly hair that dress in +velvet coats and diamond studs--there isn't one of them here. Our best +society never goes to any opera but the real Italian opera." + +LIGHT-HAIRED YOUNG MAN.--"But, my dear, it seems to me that your best +society must consist chiefly of Jews--judging from the names you +mention." + +YOUNG LADY.--"Well, what if it does? They are rich, are they not? What +more could you want?" + +LIGHT-HAIRED YOUNG MAN.--"What, indeed! But the music is just as good as +it would be if the fashionable Israelites were here,--isn't it?" + +SHE.--"The music as good! Why, Charles, everybody knows that the Italian +opera music is perfectly lovely. This is only English, you know." + +HE.--"It is precisely the same. Here the _Somnmabula_ is sung with +English instead of Italian words. That doesn't alter a single note." + +SHE.--"You are too ridiculous! The idea of attempting to make me believe +that this is just like the Italian Opera! Don't you suppose I knows +anything about music?" + +OLD GENTLEMAN.--"I heard CAROLINE RICHINGS sing in 1808,--I think it was. +I tell you she sings better now tan she did then, but the stupid public +never appreciated her. I recollect saying to KEAN--not CHARLES, you +know, but _the_ KEAN--that I knew a young lady that would be a splendid +singer some of these days--meaning CAROLINE, of course. 'Well, sir,' +says KEAN, 'what of it; you can't drink her, can you?' Gad! he was the +best man for repartee I ever knew. To give you an instance; one night +KEAN and I, and old SMITH,--you don't remember old SMITH, I presume; he +played old men at the Boston Theatre sixty years ago; I never met a +jollier fellow,--I remember his saying one night when JUNICS BOOTH was +playing--let me see, what was the play; it wasn't the _Apostate_, I +hardly think, for--" + +Here the orchestra mercifully strikes up, and the big drum drums the +garrulous monologue of the veteran theatrical observer. We have another +act of the opera, sung far better than any opera has been sung at the +Academy for years. Pretty ROSE HERSEE--when have we had a voice as pure, +or a manner as charming as hers?--sings in this act, and her tones so +closely resemble those of NILSSON in their exquisite purity, that we +wonder how she has escaped the abuse of that "independent critical +journal," the _Season_, until we notice a middle-aged gentleman sleeping +quietly with a copy of the _Season_ on his lap, and remember that at +NIBLO'S GARDEN the proprietor of the independent critical journal is +permitted to distribute his mental soothing syrup, while at STEINWAY +HALL a rival sheet is the only admitted programme. + +And I say--still thinking of NILSSON--to an experienced +theatre-goer,--"Why does WATSON abuse NILSSON?" + +And he answers, with the contemptuous, but obviously honest +inquiry--"Who's WATSON?" + +Really appalled by the suggestion that there exists a man with soul and +things so completely dead as not to have heard of the great WATSON, I +change my question and ask him: "Why does the _Season_ abuse NILSSON?" + +HE.--"The _Season_, my young friend, is a programme paper that is +circulated gratuitously and depends for support upon its advertizing +patronage. A few managers permit it to be circulated in their theatres; +the remaining managers will not admit it. Among the latter are Mr. +WALLACK, and MAX STRAKOSCH. Consequently, the _Season_ abuses WALLACK'S +Theatre and NILSSON'S concerts--asserting that Mr. WALLACK has a +wretched company, and that Miss NILSSON has no voice. The _Season_ is +also a comic paper, and its best joke is its assertion that it is an +'independent critical journal.'" + +YOUNG LADY IN COLORS.--"This opera is dreadfully stupid." + +LIGHT-HAIRED YOUNG MAN.--"But, MARY ANNE, it is one of Mozart's--the +_Marriage of Figaro_. It is one of his most famous works." + +SHE.--"Then I don't like Mozart. There was an Italian who wrote an opera +that was all about Figaro,--the _Nossy di Figaro_ was the name of it. +Oh, it is perfectly splendid; ever so much prettier than this." + +HE.--"Why, my dear girl, the _Nozze di Figaro_ is the identical opera +you are now hearing." + +SHE.--"There is young Mr. NATHAN ISAACS. Isn't he perfectly splendid?" + +HE (sighing sadly).--"Whenever you wish to go home, I am ready." + +SHE.--"You are real disagreeable to-night, and I'm sorry I came with +you." + +RURAL PERSON.--"Well, if this is the opery, I don't mind sayin' I like +it. Susan said I couldn't understand a word of the gibberish these opery +folks squawked, but it's just as plain as psalm-singing. Miss RICHIN and +that HERSY gal are just the tallest kind of singers. If we had 'em in +our choir, the Baptist folks might shut up their meetin'-house to +wunst." + +ZIMMERMANN.--"When are we going to revive the Crook--did you ask? What +do we want to revive it for? Isn't the house full enough to-night to +satisfy anybody?" + +FRIEND OF THE THEATRE--"To be sure it is. Stick to this sort of thing, +and you'll find it will pay better in the end than any amount of legs. +NIBLO'S is now a respectable theatre. Don't change it into an Anatomical +Museum." + +MATADOR. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AFTER THE BATTLE. + +CARRYING OFF THE WOUNDED.] + + * * * * * + +PUNCHINELLO CORRESPONDENCE + +ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. + +_A Lover of Music._ Our street musicians are growing worse and worse. +There is a piper who infests the street in which I live, and sets my +nerves on edge with his horrible droning. What am I to do with him? + +_Answer._ put him in the waste-piper basket. + +_Aunt Carraway._ The preparatory schools about which you inquire have +nothing to do with the reformation of wicked parrots. If the language +made use of by your parrot is so dreadful that the cats have left the +house in consequence of it, we are afraid that the bird is past reform. +Try him with rats, and you may yet be renowned as the "female +Whittington of the period." + +_Rebecca Hazeldown._ It was very rude of the young man to stare at you +through an aquarium, as you say he did. The little fishes might have +been flirting their tails at the time, however, and it is just possible +that he might have taken you for one of the flirts. + +_A Horseman._ After long observation, I am of opinion that the sudden +collapse which so frequently occurs among omnibus and street-car horses, +is to be attributed to the stupid but common practice of giving them +water when they are overheated. Can you assist me in putting a stop to +this? + +_Answer._ We do not see why you should apply to PUNCHINELLO in the case. +Have we not a Croton BERGH among us? + +_Valetudinarian._ To furnish you with a list of all the patent medicines +advertised is quite out of our power. Suppose you start out early every +morning with your note-book, walk for seven or eight miles along the +Bloomingdale Road, and make your list from the innumerable inscriptions +on the rocks in that vicinity. Do this for a month or two, and you will +not care much about the list when you have got it. + +_N.E. by S.W._ We read that DEMOSTHENES used to put pebbles in his +mouth, and spout while thus charged, to cure himself of thickness of +utterance. Suffering from the same defect, I have tried the same remedy, +but without success. Can you advise me in the matter? + +_Answer._ The most learned commentators agree that the statement about +DEMOSTHENES' putting pebbles in his mouth was only figurative, and +really meant that, when about to speak in public, he used to put a brick +in his hat. The same thing is done by many of our public speakers of the +period--such as JOHN B. GOUGH, H. GREELEY, ANNA DICKINSON, and others. +Try it moderately, and it may loosen your tongue. + +_Epicurus._ Is Worcestershire sauce really the invention of an English +nobleman? + +_Answer._ Yes: he was one of the COOKS or one of the BUTLERS, we have +forgotten which; but it is certain that he was degraded from the peerage +for offering some of his sauce to the reigning British monarch of his +time. + + * * * * * + +Complimentary Chromatics + +While all France is Blue with the prospects of the siege of Paris, we +have constant accounts of the growing ascendency of the Reds. We commend +this to the nest scientific convention, as an evidence of the analogies +which prevail in the physical and moral worlds. + + * * * * * + +A Sally for Sketchers. + +When an artist visits a picturesque locality, why is the proceeding like +an undecided prize-fight? + +Because it results in a draw. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A RASH PROCEEDING. + +WAITING FOR A LIGHT.] + + * * * * * + +HIRAM GREEN AND FEMALE SUFFRAGE. + +His Experience with the Advocates of the 10th Amendment. + +On the last eleckshun day, I was servin as Inspecter of Eleckshun, when +a passil of wimmen, drest partly in men's habiliments, walkt up to the +ballit box. + +They was headed by old SARY YOOMANS, who has been an old made for more'n +1/2 Sentury. + +Steppin up close to the railin where votes is put in, Miss YOOMANS thus +to me did say:-- + +"Square GREEN, wee've come to cast the soffrige of a down-trodden race: +Will you receive our votes?" + +"Not exzactly I wont, my hi toned Greshun benders," was my reply. + +"Do you know who we air, sir?" cride a long, leen, lank, +rale-fence-lookin femail, whose nose looked as if sheed been sokin it in +a bladder of black snuff. + +"Well! sweet wolfs in lambs clothin," said I, puttin on one of my +shrewed expreshuns, "you look as if you was a lot of, so-called, +strong-minded femails, who was up to snuff, but, in an endevor to +scratch somebody bare-boned, you'd lost your footin, and tumbled +slap-bang into a coal-hole." + +"We air, sir," says another ethereal-lookin hearthstun depopulater, +"members of the Skeensboro Sore-eye-siss Society. We believe wimmens has +got rites, which man won't let her have. We believe the ballit is +calkilated to raise woman to her proper speer. We believe hoop-skirts +and side-saddles will soon be numbered among the lost arts. We believe +SOOZAN B. ANTHONY, E. CADY STANTON, WENDIL FILLIPS, or Mister BLACKWELL, +are just as capable of bein President of this ere old Union, as the best +man which ever wore panterloons; and we air bound hensforth and forever, +one and onseperable, to stand up for our rites, if we can only rope in +enuff Congressmen to hold our bonnits." + +Durin the a-4-said bust of elokence, about 75 wimmen was holdin ballits +for me to take, while others were vilently swingin their gingham +parasols over my bald head. + +All seemed as if they was jest bilin over to get their clutches about my +breethin apparatus. Says I: + +"Go hum and be femails, and don't make sich tarnal loonatix of yourself +any longer, gittin mixed up with the body polertick; for sures you're +born, when woman votes sheel trail her skirts in the dust and you cant +stop her; when she walks up to the ballit box, and undertakes to mix +into suthin she don't know no more about, than TILTON and FULTON do +about the golden rool, then when that air time comes I will exclaim: + + "'Oh! woman; where is thy stinger.' + "'Oh! Sore-eye-siss! where 'bouts is thy victory?'" + +"What! miserable man, woodest-ist thou deny us the ballit?" screemed +another femail, as she tore a 2-bushel waterfall from her head, and, +wildly swingin it in the air, dirty stockins and old clothes fell into +promiscous heeps all about her. + +"With all doo respect to the sects," says I, gettin madder and madder +all the while, "you can jest bet your Sunday close I woodest." + +"Hard-harted old man, yool rue this day," they all cride in Koruss, and +the hull lot commenced snivellin, as if their harts was busted. + +"Kind, noble, beautiful sir! we langwish to cast our suffrages," says a +big fat woman, about the size of a lode of hay, as she shoved her ballit +under my nose. + +"Madam," says I, swellin up with accumulated rage, "langwish and rip and +tare things as much as you mindter--you cant stuff this ere ballit box +with illegal votes as long as Ime boss of it--that's what's the +matter--and I want you to understand I mean bizzinezs." + +At this they all started for the door, remarkin that I was an "old +fool," "mouskiter," etketary &c. + +"When the 16th commendment passes," said sweet ELIZER HEMPIHL, who is +too pooty to be caught in sich company, "we will call for your skalp, +old man." + +"Which topnot," was my reply, "wouldent furnish hair enough for a false +eyebrow." + +I see they was goin, so I said:-- + +"My week-minded and misgided femails, hold your hosses a minnit, until +an old statesman, who has served his country for 4 yeer as Gustise of +the Peece, says a few remarks to you." + +"When woman was taken out of man's ribs, it wasent calkilated she should +lower herself by mixin into such dirty bizziness, as you are up to +to-day. Woman in her natural element, is jest one of the _soothinest_ +institutions in this ere land, which flows with milk-punch and +houey-sope, and what poor miserable critters man would be without her. + +"Who would nuss our offspring, if it wasent for wimmen? + +"Who would cheer our fireside, if it wasent for wimmen? + +"Who would cook our vittles, if it wasent for wimmen? + +"And who would haul off our butes nites, when we come home tired and +demoralized, after havin a sett-to with lager-beer and sweitzer? + +"Agin, I remark, if it wasent for woman in her onadulterated state, +before she had been made a tarnal fool of by these ere despoilers of +man's happiness, MASKALINE WIMMEN, man would be a poor shiftless koot. + +"Therefore, I say, go hum and resoom your abnormal condition. Get back +into your own harniss, and don't undertake to assoom the bifurkated +garments. It haint your forte, no more'n it is some of our public +offishals to keep from steelin." + +I rattled away at 'em in this stile, ontil I beheld the last pair of +femail bifurkaters skoot for home, when I subsided into a chair, and +with my bandanner hankerchief wiped the perspiration from my noble brow. + +After Ide partially recovered my ekanimity, I agin resoomed my offishal +duties, but I couldent help thinkin that if wimmen made such a +confounded hullabalo about votin, as they is now doin, tryin to vote; +them air leaders, who air goin about the country like Internal Revenoo +offisers, seekin that they may gobble up somebody, will have a pile to +anser for, when woman becomes a component part of the body polertick. + + Owe! woman, woman, how sweet you be, + When you're dressed up to kill, + I hope the time ile never see, + When man's place you all fill. + + Take the advice of one which knows, + & try to shun the evil, + To see a woman in man's close + Looks wusser nor the d---l. + +Which is the opinion of your humbley sarvent, + +HIRAM GREEN, ESQ., + +_Lait Gustise of the Peece._ + + * * * * * + +FRESH FROM THE FLOWERY KINGDOM. + +The world is justly indignant at the accounts of the Chinese massacres +of the missionaries who have perilled their lives in going so far to +teach them Christianity. Recently, for example, a young lady teacher +from Boston was so terribly stoned by some of the unregenerate little +pig-tailed fiends in Canton, that she died the next day. It is dreadful +to think how savage the instincts of the heathen are. + +P.S.--Since the above was set up in type, MR. PUNCHINELLO has learned +that the Canton in which this occurrence took place is not in China, but +is a thriving village in Norfolk county, Massachusetts, about eighteen +miles from Boston, and that the assailants were consequently not +pig-tailed heathen, but genuine Christian children, who, in a few years, +will belong to the cultivated voters of Massachusetts. This action, +consequently, was not dictated by unregenerate barbarism, but was +intended simply as a protest (rough, we confess, but effectual, we +trust) against these new-fangled ideas of women's rights. What business +have women to be trying to teach? Let them stay at home, and if they +want to know anything, ask their husbands, there; and if they are +unmarried, let them wait until they get husbands. We must not let our +natural gallantry interfere with our reverence and respect for the +rights of ignorance, which will eventually vote. + + * * * * * + +A THRICE BLESSED CITY. + +There is a city in Illinois called St. Genevieve. By some hocus-pocus +known to accomplished politicians, this city has had no Mayor since the +4th of June, 1867. In the absence of definite information upon the +subject, we take it for granted that St. Genevieve must be a most +delightful place to live in, and specially so, because, as we are +further informed, they have no Aldermen there either. More delightful +still, as there is nobody authorized to assess taxes, the fortunate +inhabitants do not pay any. Of course, if this state of primitive bliss +could last, Mr. PUNCHINELLO would make immediate arrangements to remove +to St. Genevieve; but the courts have ordered the citizens to elect a +Mayor immediately, so that this little heaven upon earth will soon have +ceased to exist. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: LETTING HIM DOWN EASY. + +_Aspiring Author._ "Ah! You have read my essay? I hope the verdict is +Favorable." + +_Editor._ "O yes, all Right,--Acquitted on the ground of insanity."] + + * * * * * + +OUR PORTFOLIO. + +The French Republic dying of Gas.--Good Sense for Gambetta. TOURS, +SIXTH WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. + +Dear PUNCHINELLO: + +There is gloom everywhere; applications to serve in the ranks have +diminished, and the price of pocket-handkerchiefs has increased. JULES +FAVRE writes, under cover of confidence, to the _prefect_ here, that +since the interview of which I gave you an account he has had a severe +attack of gumboils, and despairs of softening the heart of BISMARCK. I +stole the letter for the purpose of copying it, but it was stolen from +me in turn by a nefarious emissary of the London _Times,_ who has not +however, dared to use it. The greatest activity is manifested in the +making of balloons. The administration labors under the delusion that +gas and oiled silk may yet prove the Palladium of French liberty. I have +remonstrated unavailingiy against this singular infatuation. I held up +to the Rump Council now sitting in this city the example of VICTOR HUGO +as a fearful warning. He came from Guernsey under a pressure of gas; he +entered Paris with the volatile essence oozing from every hair on his +head; he loaded the artillery of his rhetoric with gas; he blazed, away +at the Germans with gas, and yet, unable to get rid of such afflatus +fast enough, he exploded in the very midst of his pyrotechnics, and now +lies high and dry on "this bank and shoal of time" like a venerable +rhinoceros extinguished by its own snorting. I am sorry to say it, but +the great peril of France at this moment is gas. Touching GAMBETTA. Ah! +yes, touching GAMBETTA. You may have heard that he has issued a +proclamation or two. There are depths in the soul of a Frenchman, where +the inspiration of mighty words breeds like "flies in the shambles." +Such a soul has GAMBETTA. He is all language. If you were to cut him up +in little bits and put each atom under a microscope, you would find in +every molecule the text of some proclamation. The genii of syntax and +prosody are his guardian angels, and the love of "gabble" is the be-all +and the end-all of his political existence. He loves not GARIBALDI. He +would have done violence to his grandmother rather than consent to the +invitation of the Italian liberator. For short, he calls him "GARRY." +Standing in front of the Hotel de Ville, talking to a group of eager +listeners, with his arms wildly gesticulating and his nose +contemptuously curling towards the empyrean, he asks: + +"Who is this GARRY? What is he? Why is he--?" + +"Stop," I calmly interpollate, "profane not the high calling of the +Italian hero with frivolous conundrums." + +"Jerk that monster out of my sight!" roared GAMBETTA to a _sergent de +ville_, and pointing his long, skinny fore-finger full at me. + +I turned mournfully upon the crowd, and asked in a plaintive tone:-- + +"You hear what he says. Do lunatic asylums exist in vain? Men of Tours, +is there a 'jerkist' among you?" + +They must have observed that my feelings were moved, for they came +between me and the officer, as if to protect the latter. 'Twas a kind +movement, but useless; as I couldn't have hurt him. + +"Monsieur GAMBETTA," I then went on to say, "don't you think that this +horrible epidemic of gas, that is now filling with its deleterious +effluvia the brains and the throat of the French Government, ought to be +stopped? Don't you think, Monsieur GAMBETTA, that you, yourself, could +cut off your supply-pipe for a while and still have enough to light up +with on public occasions?" + +I rested my right fore-finger upon one side of my nose and struck an +attitude of interrogation while putting these questions. The Minister's +face turned to an ashen hue, and then the blood came coursing back like +lava to the Crater's surface, without breaking through. + +"Fiends seize the man, is a minister of France to be insulted in his own +capital?" + +"Friend, calm yourself," I said: "Don't let the crabs run through your +brain like that. Cool off. Take those hot coppers out of your pantaloons +and fan yourself a little. That's what's the matter with France, to-day. +You Frenchmen fizzle, and crack, and shoot up into the air, and +otherwise get away with yourselves so fast, that no wonder the Germans +can't always find you when they go for you. Take my advice. Stop running +red-hot pokers down your backs. Drink more Vichy water and less brandy. +Keep your sky-rockets till next year. Lock your 'language' up in the +dictionary. Send VICTOR HUGO back to England. Tie a church steeple round +GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN'S neck, and sink him off Toulon. Burn all your +proclamations. Throw rhetoric to the dogs. Put a head on the government +that ain't full of torpedoes. Present a solid front to the enemy. Simmer +down generally, and talk reason to BISMARCK, and, on the honor of +PUNCHINELLO, I can solemnly assure you that things won't be so +'speckled' as they now are." + +Saying which, I gathered the drapery of my duster gracefully about me, +and left. + +DICK TINTO. + + * * * * * + +THE SHE THAT IS TO BE. + +By a Prominent Member of Sorosis. + +1. + + --She stood! The hurrying clouds wild drove-- + --The purpling aspect of the air...! + While her wild contour symbolized + The Unity of Hope's Despair! + +2. + + And shall not We, when Life's short span, + Enveloping the Yet-To-Be-- + Smiling candescent?--Nay?--Ah! well! + BE THAT OUR FUTURE DESTINY!! + + * * * * * + +POEMS OF THE CRADLE. + +CANTO XI. + + Little Bo-Peep has lost his sheep, + And don't know where to find them. + Let them alone and they'll come home, + And bring their tails behind them. + +The Poet having now advanced so far in his work as to make a very +respectable collection of poems, and beginning to run short of matter, +casts his eyes around him in search of aid, hoping to find inspiration +in some fortuitous moment from the many little incidents that are always +occurring, and which only observing minds would notice. For the time he +sees nothing that would suggest even to the most sparkling intellect the +shadow of a rhyme, and he begins to be in despair. He walks up and down +his dingy room, thrusts his long fingers amid the raven locks that adorn +his poetical cranium, and gently at first, then furiously, irritates the +cuticle of his imaginative head-piece, hoping thereby to waken up his +ideas and find a foundation upon which to erect another stone in the +edifice of his never-fading glory. + +This process does not seem to be as successful as usual: the ideas +refuse to come at his bidding, and he glares around in consternation, +Can it be possible that he has exhausted himself; that his ideas are +entirely run out; that the fountain is dry, and the Muse has ceased to +smile upon him; that he must descend from his high elevation as the poet +of the family, the hope and pride of his friends and the admiration of +himself, and sink to the level of his earthy brothers and become one of +them, no better and no worse? No--perish the thought! never again will +he mingle with those rude and vulgar natures, having no thoughts or +feelings above their creature comforts: content to live like animals, +uninspired by the divine _afflatus_, untouched by the poetic fire. Full +of determined energy never to yield the high position he has acquired, +he rushes forth into the open air and takes his winding way through the +green meadows and leafy wilds. Here, sitting on the stump of an old +tree, he spies little Bob Peepers, weeping as if his heart would break: +the briny tears coursing down his ruddy cheeks form little rivulets of +salt water with high embankments of genuine soil on either side, and a +distracted map of a war-ridden country is depicted upon his +grief-stricken countenance. Full of compassion for the suffering, the +tender heart of the Poet melts at the sight, and in mellifluous tones he +asks, "What is the matter, BUB?" + +Sobbingly digging his fists into his eyes, and carefully wiping his +classic nose on the sleeve of his jacket, the heart-broken mourner +murmurs:-- + + "I've lost my sheep, + And don't know where to find them," + +and bursts forth into a prolonged howl. That heart-rending cry of agony +is too much for the gentle Poet, who, sinking upon the ground beside the +weeper, ventures to whisper a hope that Time, or some of the neighbors, +may bring back the lost sheep and restore happiness and tranquillity to +the agitated bosom. The suggestion is met with incredulous scorn and +another burst of uncontrollable sorrow, amid the pauses of which Bob +recounts to his sympathetic friend how, "being wearied with watching the +gambolling sheep, he laid himself down in the meadow to sleep, and never +awoke till a blue-bottle fly, who buzzing about so tickled his eye that +sleep fled away. Then he rose to his feet, and looked around for the +gambolling sheep, but found, they were gone he couldn't tell where: so +he threw himself down in the deepest despair, bemoaning his strange +unaccountable loss, and the horrible beating he'd get from the Boss, +when at night he went home with his sad tale of woe. He was sure he +would never have courage to go." + +The sad tale so pathetically and ingenuously told melted the already +simmering heart of the hearer, who counselled tranquillity and +philosophy in the words + + "Let them alone and they'll come home," + +and jocularly added, as he saw a ray of hope lighting up the eye of the +boy, like the first rays of the sun seen through a fog, + + "And bring their tails behind them." + +The brilliant idea of their tails coming behind them instead of before +them tickled the risibilities of the sympathizing friends, and for a few +moments the woods echoed to their responsive mirth. + +The laugh did them good. The poet perceived instantly he had a theme +upon which to build his verse, and hastily bidding BOB "good-by," he +flew exultingly to his paternal abode, rushed up the garret stairs, +seized his goose-quill, and amid the tumultuous beatings of his +over-charged heart and throbbing brain jotted down on the instant, in +all the enthusiasm of poetic fervor, the incident that had fallen under +his inspired observation. Not to be too personal, and still to preserve +the truthfulness of the history, he dropped a few letters from BOB +PEEPER'S name, while, with a wonderful accuracy unknown to modern +writers, he keeps to the subject of his verse, its misery, the remedy +and result, and facetiously gives to the world the same cause for +laughter and inspiration that he received so gratefully. + + * * * * * + +THE POLITEST NATION IN THE WORLD. + +We had always considered JOHNNY CRAPAUD as the pink of politeness. But +we are now satisfied that JOHNNY BULL goes ever so far ahead of him. We +have never known that Frenchman yet, who would oblige his enemies by +killing himself. But the recent loss of the _Captain_ shows that the +noble Englishmen are prepared to do this by wholesale. One could wish +our enemies no worse luck than to have a few such _Captains_ given them. +And how lavish the expenditure! It takes no end of money to get up one +of those big iron-plated coffins. It is certainly a dramatic, +_auto-da-fé_ and a most obliging act, considered with reference to one's +possible enemies. No Frenchman ever thought of such a thing. In fact, +they go no further than positively declining to do anything bad with +their navy. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE. + +"THERE WAS A SURPRISE PARTY AT No. 9,999 TWENTY-THIRD STREET LAST +EVENING. UPON RETURNING FROM THE OPERA, THE PROPRIETORS FOUND THEIR +MANSION FULL, OF GUESTS."] + + * * * * * + +A DRY SETTLEMENT. + +There is a little young village in Denver which rejoices in the name of +Greeley. To this place came a benevolent bar-keeper, bringing a cheerful +stock of whiskey. Down upon his grocery came the enraged Greeleyites, +and to prevent their own stomachs from being burned, they burned the +building. We can imagine these very particular pioneers passing a great +variety of the most astonishing laws, with various penalties. For +chewing tobacco--one month's imprisonment; for subscribing to The _N.Y. +Evening Post_--death; while for the hideous misdemeanor of eating white +bread, the offender would be left to the pangs of his own indigestion. + + * * * * * + +Fact. Fancy, and Fun-ding. + +THE FUNDING BILL, as a step towards making the Erie Canal free, should +commend itself to any one, since if it becomes a fact, it will, we +fancy, prevent this noble industrial enterprise from becoming, like its +first cousin, simply an eyrie for the vultures of finance. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE LATEST STYLE. + +AS MEN'S CLOTHES ARE CUT HOUR-GLASS FASHION NOW, PUNCHINELLO SUGGESTS +THE ABOVE PATTERN AS AN APPROPRIATE ONE FOR THEM.] + + * * * * * + +THE ALARM-BELLE AT RYE. + + At Rye, Westchester County, a small town + Built near the Sound, but of a scant renown, + That always to its biggest size did run + At summer-time, beneath a blazing sun, + But rested as a _town_, as if to say, + "I'll pay no further taxes, come what may;"-- + The ancient cobbler, JOHN, unknown to fame + (So many cobblers since have borne the name), + Owned the great belle of all that country place, + His daughter, with her tongue and lovely face, + Who took to soothing every kind of pain, + Tramped through the streets, dragging a muddy train. + With kerchief blowed her horn both, loud and long. + And talked incessantly of every wrong, + Kept her tongue wagging, until right was done. + Thus did the daughter of old cobbler John. + + What mighty good this BERGH of that Burgh did. + While her tongue lasted, she had never hid: + Suffice it that, as all things must decay, + The fleshy tongue at length was worn away; + She mouthed it for a while, and people dreamed + Of golden days before this belle had screamed. + Loaded and beat their horses at their ease. + Drove thorn with, wounded backs and broken knees, + Turned turtles over, and e'en tortured clams. + Murdered trichinć, when they boiled their hams. + Till one, a doctor, who was passing by, + Struck by the horrors going on in Rye, + Cut from a calf, that yet was very young. + And kindly gave unto the belle, a tongue. + + By chance it happened that in Rye town dwelt. + A German grocer (and his wife, a Celt), + Who loved his lager and his pretzels too + (His wife was partial to the morning dew). + But, when we fell into these troublous times, + He cared for nothing but to save his dimes. + + He had a donkey, that would sometimes go. + Just as the donkey chanc'd to feel, you know, + Which he would ride, whenever his brigade + Was ordered to the streets for a parade; + But as the times got hard, he'd loudly swear + The oats that donkey ate he could not spare. + At length he said: "I'll turn him out, py Gott!" + Looked at his wife and to her said, "Vy not? + Let him go eat upon the public ways, + I want him only for the training days." + So the poor donkey had to feed on thistles. + Until his hair became like unto bristles. + + One afternoon, when everybody slept + Except the belle, out from her house she crept, + And met the donkey, walking on the way; + He smelt the calf and thought to have some play. + Kicked up his heels, a grating bray did utter. + And laid the belle a-rolling in the gutter. + She raised a mighty shout, she raised a squeal. + And loudly her persistent tongue did peal, + And this did seem the burden of her song: + "Some chap hath done a wrong, hath done a wrong! + + "Meanwhile from street and lane a noisy crowd" + Of vagabonds and urchins, shouting loud, + Gathered around the poor, bedraggled squealer, + Until at length there came a stout Rye peeler; + Who forthwith told the belle her cries to cease. + And took her to a Justice of the Peace. + + The Justice heard the story of the belle, + And looking wise and grave, he said: "'Tis well; + Bring me the old Dutchman." The grocer brought, + Shaking with fear, then stood before the Court. + + And then' the Justice to recite began + The charter of the Cruelty to An- + Imals Society, and then he said: + "Pride rideth on a donkey, as I've read, + Until it gets a fall, and then it loses + Its dignity and blubbers o'er its bruises. + These are newspaper proverbs, but I fear + You don't love proverbs, as you do your beer. + Just take that donkey and give him an oat, + And don't show up until you've brushed his coat." + + The grocer left disgusted, took the brute; + And all the people then at him did hoot. + The cobbler heard and almost split his knee + [He took it for the lapstone in his glee], + "Church bells," quoth he, "but ring us to the mass. + My belle hath gone and saved a starving ass; + And this shall make, when put in jingling rhyme, + The Belle of Rye all famous for all time." + + * * * * * + +A CHEERFUL SUBJECT. + +According to an Ohio paper, a double child has been born to a couple +named FINLEY, in Morrow county. It is, so to speak, a double-ender, +being provided with a supplementary head at the point where the feet are +usually situated. The child is a female-and a very curious amendment to +the Sixteenth Amendment, since, should it arrive at woman's estate, it +will, of course, be entitled to a double vote. How will it be should one +end go Republican and the other Democratic? To send a duplex woman into +the world seems to be a very unnecessary freak of Nature, seeing that +there is enough of duplicity in womankind already. + + * * * * * + +Homoeopathic Politics. + +THE CITIZENS' ASSOCIATION, finding that their sands of life are nearly +run out, are now advertising privately for some fresh candidates, who +for a salary will undertake to cure the ring-worms of the body politic +by their pimple prescription of substitution, or putting yourself in +their place, which is a political modification of the law in +homoeopathic medicine, _similie similibus errantur_, or in morals, "set +a rogue to catch a rogue." + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | CLEARING OUT SALE. | + | | + | A.T. STEWART & CO. | + | | + | ARE OFFERING | + | | + | UNPRECEDENTED BARGAINS | + | | + | IN | + | | + | CLOAKS, SACQUES, | + | ARABS, TALMAS, | + | SHAWLS AND MANTLES, | + | | + | Real Astrakhan Cloaks | + | at $20, $22, and $25; last year's prices, $40 | + | and $45. | + | | + | CLOTHS, CLOAKINGS, | + | VELVETEENS, | + | CLOAK SILK VELVETS, | + | MILLINERY VELVETS, &c. | + | | + | NEW GOODS JUST RECEIVED, | + | | + | AT PRICES MUCH BELOW THE COST OF THE | + | SAME QUALITIES SOLD LAST YEAR. | + | | + | BROADWAY, Fourth Ave., | + | 9th and 10th Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A.T. STEWART & CO. | + | | + | OFFER | + | | + | Wide Plaid Poplins at 25c. and 30c. per | + | Yard, recently sold at 85c. and 45c. | + | | + | All Wool Serges at 40c. per Yard; last | + | year's price, $1. | + | | + | High Colored Basket Cloths, 75c. per | + | Yard; last year's jobbing price, $1.25. | + | | + | Double Width, all Wool Plaids, 64 inches | + | wide, at $1.60 per Yard; last year's | + | jobbing price, $2.25. | + | | + | ALSO A LARGE LOT OF | + | | + | Heavy High Colored Plaids at 20c. per | + | Yard. | + | | + | The above, with a great variety of other | + | choice styles at | + | | + | Equally Low Prices, | + | | + | ARE EXHIBITED IN THE CENTRE SECTION | + | ON THE 4TH AVE. SIDE. | + | | + | STRANGERS, THE RESIDENTS OF THE EASTERN | + | PART OF OUR CITY, AND THOSE OF OUR | + | NEIGHBORING CITIES, ARE RESPECTFULLY | + | INVITED TO EXAMINE. | + | | + | | + | BROADWAY, Fourth Ave., | + | | + | 9th and 10th Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical | + | Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The | + | Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the | + | Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever | + | published in America. | + | | + | CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. | + | | + | Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) $4.00 | + | " " six months, (without premium,) 2.00 | + | " " three months, " " 1.00 | + | Single copies mailed free, for .10 | + | | + | We offer the following elegant premiums of L. 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NESBITT & CO | + | | + | 163, 165, 167, 169 Pearl St., & 73,75,77,79 Pine St., | + | | + | New York. | + | | + | Execute all kinds of | + | | + | PRINTING, | + | | + | Furnish all kinds of | + | | + | STATIONERY, | + | | + | Make all kinds of | + | | + | BLANK BOOKS, | + | | + | Execute the finest styles of | + | | + | LITHOGRAPHY | + | | + | Make the Best and Cheapest ENVELOPES Ever offered to the | + | Public. | + | | + | They have made all the prepaid Envelopes for the United | + | States Post-Office Department for the past 16 years, and | + | have INVARIABLY BEEN THE LOWEST BIDDERS. Their Machinery is | + | the most complete, rapid and economical known in the trade. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Travelers West and South-West Should bear in mind that the | + | | + | ERIE RAILWAY IS BY FAR THE CHEAPEST, QUICKEST, AND MOST | + | COMFORTABLE ROUTE, | + | | + | Making Direct and Sure Connection at CINCINNATI, with all | + | Lines | + | | + | By Rail or River | + | | + | For NEW ORLEANS, LOUISVILLE, MEMPHIS, ST. LOUIS, VICKSBURG, | + | NASHVILLE, MOBILE And All Points South and South-west. | + | | + | It's DRAWINGS-ROOM and SLEEPING COACHES on all Express | + | Trains, running through to Cincinnati without chance, are | + | the most elegant and spacious used upon any Road in this | + | country, being fitted up in the most elaborate manner, and | + | having every modern improvement introduced for the comfort | + | of its patrons; running upon the BROAD GUAGE; revealing | + | scenery along the Line unequalled upon this Continent, and | + | rendering a trip over the ERIE, one of the delights and | + | pleasures of this life not to be forgotten. | + | | + | By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., Nos. | + | 241, 529 and 957 Broadway, 205 Chambers St.; 38 Greenwich | + | St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 Fulton | + | St., Brooklyn: Depots foot of Chambers Street, and foot of | + | 23d St., New York; and the Agents at the principal hotels, | + | travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as well as | + | all the necessary information. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO, | + | | + | VOL. I, ENDING SEPT. 24, | + | BOUND IN EXTRA CLOTH, | + | IS NOW READY. | + | PRICE $2.50. | + | Sent free by any Publisher on receipt of price, or by | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | + | 83 Nassau Street, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | THE NEW STORE OF LORD & TAYLOR, | + | | + | Cor. of Broadway & Twentieth Street, New York. | + | | + | This superb building will be devoted to retail purposes, | + | where every description of dry-goods, from the necessary and | + | convenient to the most elegant and fashionable, will attract | + | a multitudinous throng, and add even a new attraction to the | + | brilliancy of Broadway in the most delightful part of the | + | thoroughfare. Besides an immense trade extending to all | + | parts of the United States, LORD & TAYLOR deal largely in | + | carpets and oil-cloths, in upholstery and house furnishing | + | goods, and especially in trousseaux, cloaks, and ladies' | + | furnishing goods of all kinds, in which, perhaps, their | + | business is heavier than that of any other house in the | + | city. The furnishing of hotels and steamboats is one of | + | their specialties. The headquarters of their wholesale trade | + | is at the old Broadway and Grand street store, while their | + | stock of carpets and oil-cloths is mainly limited to the | + | Grand and Chrystie street establishment. Since the | + | organization of the firm, five partners have retired with | + | fortunes, to make room for younger men, thus affording | + | opportunities for others to profit by the experience and | + | success of the house. These changes have also had the effect | + | to maintain the original vigor of the firm without detaching | + | from the maturity of judgment that has marked its | + | operations. Some idea of the magnitude of the business of | + | the house may be inferred from the fact that the pay-roll | + | contains the names of more than 1,000 persons. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +GEO. W. WHEAT & CO, PRINTERS, No. 8 SPRUCE STREET. + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. II., No. 34, +November 19, 1870, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO 34 *** + +***** This file should be named 10106-8.txt or 10106-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/1/0/10106/ + +Produced by Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze and PG Distributed +Proofreaders + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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