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+<html>
+<head>
+ <meta http-equiv="Content-Type"
+ content="text/html; charset=UTF-8">
+ <title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of PUNCHINELLO Vol. II, No. 34.</title>
+ <style type="text/css">
+ <!--
+ * { font-family: Times;}
+ HR { width: 33%; }
+ // -->
+ </style>
+</head>
+<body>
+<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10106 ***</div>
+
+<table width="800" border="1" align="center" cellpadding="3"
+ cellspacing="0">
+ <tbody>
+ <tr>
+ <td width="33%">
+ <center>
+ <p><span style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>CONANT'S</big></big><br>
+ </span></p>
+ <p>PATENT BINDERS FOR</p>
+ <p> <big><big><b>"PUNCHINELLO",</b></big></big></p>
+ <p>to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent post-paid, on
+receipt of One Dollar,</p>
+ <p>&nbsp;by</p>
+ <p><b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,<br>
+ </b></p>
+ <p><b>83 Nassau Street, New York City.</b></p>
+ </center>
+ </td>
+ <td width="33%">
+ <center>
+ <p><big><big>We will Mail Free</big></big></p>
+ <p><small>A COVER</small><br>
+ <span style="font-weight: bold;">Lettered &amp; Stamped,</span><br
+ style="font-weight: bold;">
+ <span style="font-weight: bold;">with New Title Page<br>
+ <br>
+ </span> <small>FOR BINDING<br>
+ <br>
+ </small> <b>FIRST VOLUME,</b></p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;">On Receipt of 50 Cents,</p>
+ <p><small>OR THE</small></p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;">TITLE PAGE ALONE, FREE,</p>
+ <p><small>On application to</small></p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</p>
+ <span style="font-weight: bold;">83 Nassau Street.</span> </center>
+ </td>
+ <td width="33%">
+ <center>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;">HARRISON BRADFORD &amp; CO.'S</p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>STEEL PENS.</big></big></big></p>
+ <p>These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and cheaper
+than any other Pen in the market. Special attention is called to the
+following grades, as being better suited for business purposes than any
+Pen manufactured. The</p>
+ <p><b>"505," "22,"</b> and the <b>"Anti-Corrosive."</b></p>
+ <p>We recommend for bank and office use.</p>
+ <p><b>D. APPLETON &amp; CO.,</b> <b><br>
+Sole Agents for United States.</b></p>
+ </center>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ </tbody>
+</table>
+<table width="800" border="0" align="center" cellpadding="3"
+ cellspacing="0">
+ <tbody>
+ <tr>
+ <td>
+ <center> <br>
+ <br>
+ <img alt="" src="images/115.jpg"><br>
+ <h1>PUNCHINELLO</h1>
+ <h2>Vol. II. No. 34.</h2>
+ <p>SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 1870.</p>
+ <br>
+ <h3>PUBLISHED BY THE</h3>
+ <br>
+ <h3>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</h3>
+ <br>
+ <br>
+ <h4>83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.</h4>
+ </center>
+ <br>
+ <br>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ <tr>
+ <td align="center">
+ <p><small><b>PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS:</b> "Joy of Autumn,"
+"Prairie Flowers," "Lake George," "West Point," "Beethoven," large and
+small.<br>
+ <b>PRANG'S CHROMOS</b> sold in all Art Stores throughout the
+world.<br>
+ <b>PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE</b> sent free on receipt of
+stamp.<br>
+ <b>L. PRANG &amp; CO.,</b> Boston.</small></p>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ <tr>
+ <td align="center">
+ <p><small>See 15th page for Extra Premiums.</small></p>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ </tbody>
+</table>
+<br>
+<table
+ style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"
+ border="1" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="0">
+ <tbody>
+ <tr>
+ <td rowspan="6" style="width: 30%;">
+ <center>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>Bound Volume<br>
+ </big></big></big></p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>No. 1.</big><br>
+ </big></big></p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><br>
+ </big></big></p>
+ <p><small>The first volume of PUNCHINELLO, ending with No. 26,
+September 24, 1870,<br>
+ <br>
+ </small></p>
+ <p><b><big><big>Bound in Extra Cloth,</big></big><br>
+ </b></p>
+ <p><b><br>
+ </b></p>
+ <p><small>is now ready for delivery,</small></p>
+ <br>
+ <br>
+ <p><b>PRICE $2.50.</b></p>
+ <p>Sent postpaid to any part of the United States on receipt of
+price.</p>
+ <br>
+ <p>A copy of the paper for one year, from October 1st, No. 27,
+and the Bound Volume (the latter prepaid,) will be sent to any
+subscriber for $5.50.</p>
+ <br>
+ <p>Three copies for one year, and three Bound Volumes, with an
+extra copy of Bound Volume, to any person sending us three
+subscriptions for $16.50.</p>
+ <p><b>One copy of paper for one year, with a fine chromo premium,
+for------ $4.00<br>
+ <br>
+ </b></p>
+ <p><b>Single copies, mailed free .10<br>
+ <br>
+ </b></p>
+ <p>Back numbers can always be supplied, as the paper is
+electrotyped.</p>
+ <p><br>
+Book canvassers will find<br>
+this volume a</p>
+ <p><b>Very Saleable Book.</b></p>
+ <p>Orders supplied at a very liberal discount.</p>
+ <p>All remittances should be made in Post Office orders.</p>
+ <p>Canvassers wanted for the paper,</p>
+ <p>everywhere. Send for our Special Circular.</p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;">Address,</p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Punchinello Publishing Co.,</big></p>
+ <p><big>83 NASSAU ST.,<br>
+ </big></p>
+ <p><big>N. Y.</big></p>
+ <p><big>P.O. Box No, 2783.</big></p>
+ </center>
+ </td>
+ <td style="text-align: center;">
+ <p><small>THE HANDSOMEST AND THE BEST.</small></p>
+ <p><big><big><big><b>Every Saturday,</b></big></big></big></p>
+ <p><b>THE GREAT ILLUSTRATED PAPER OF AMERICA.</b></p>
+ <p>Illustrated with Drawings from the Best Artists in America and
+Europe.</p>
+ <p><b>Able Editorials, Excellent Stories, Attractive
+Miscellaneous Reading.</b></p>
+ <p>BEAUTIFULLY PRINTED ON TINTED PAPER.</p>
+ <p>For Sale everywhere.</p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;">FIELDS, OSGOOD &amp; CO.,
+Publishers, Boston.</p>
+ </td>
+ <td style="text-align: center;">
+ <p><big><big><b>FACTS FOR THE LADIES.</b></big></big></p>
+ <p>I have a Wheeler &amp; Wilson machine (No. 289), bought of Mr.
+Gardner In 1853, he having used it a year. I have used it constantly,
+in shirt manufacturing as well as family sewing, sixteen years. My wife
+ran it four years, and earned between $700 and $800, besides doing her
+housework. I have never expended fifty cents on it for repairs. It is,
+to-day, in the best of order, stitching fine linen bosoms nicely. I
+started manufacturing shirts with this machine, and now have over one
+hundred of them in use. I have paid at least $3,000 for the stitching
+done by this old machine, and it will do as much now as any machine I
+have.</p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;">W.F. TAYLOR.</p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;">BERLIN, N.Y.</p>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ <tr>
+ <td style="text-align: center;" rowspan="2">
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small style="font-weight: normal;">APPLICATIONS
+FOR ADVERTISING IN</small><br>
+ <big><big>"PUNCHINELLO"</big></big></p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small style="font-weight: normal;">SHOULD
+BE ADDRESSED TO</small><br>
+JOHN NICKINSON,</p>
+ <p>Room No. 4,</p>
+ <p><b>No. 83 Nassau Street, N.Y.</b></p>
+ </td>
+ <td align="center">
+ <p><b>GEO. B. BOWLEND</b>,</p>
+ <p><big><big>Draughtsman &amp; Designer</big></big></p>
+ <p><b>No. 160 Fulton Street</b>,</p>
+ <p>Room No. 11,</p>
+ <p>NEW YORK.</p>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ <tr>
+ <td align="center">
+ <p><big><b>HENRY L. STEPHENS</b>,</big></p>
+ <p><b>ARTIST</b>,</p>
+ <p><b>No. 160 FULTON STREET</b>,</p>
+ <p>NEW YORK.</p>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ <tr>
+ <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;" rowspan="2">
+ <p><b>TO NEWS-DEALERS.</b></p>
+ <p><big><b>Punchinello's Monthly.</b></big></p>
+ <p><small>The Weekly Numbers for August,</small></p>
+ <p><b>Bound in a Handsome Cover,</b></p>
+ <p>Is now ready. Price, Fifty Cents.</p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;">THE TRADE</p>
+ <p>Supplied by the</p>
+ <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">AMERICAN NEW</span>S COMPANY,</p>
+ <p><small>Who are now prepared to receive Orders.</small></p>
+ </td>
+ <td align="center">
+ <p><b>GEORGE WEVILL,</b></p>
+ <p>WOOD ENGRAVER,</p>
+ <b>208 BROADWAY,</b><br>
+NEW YORK.<br>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ <tr>
+ <td align="center">
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>FOLEY'S</big></big></p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big style="font-weight: bold;"><big><br>
+ <big>GOLD PENS.<br>
+ <br>
+ </big></big></big> <span style="font-weight: normal;">THE BEST
+AND CHEAPEST.</span><br>
+256 BROADWAY.</p>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ <tr>
+ <td align="center">
+ <p><big>Bowling Green Savings-Bank<br>
+ </big></p>
+ <p>33 BROADWAY,</p>
+ <p><br>
+ <b>NEW YORK</b>.</p>
+ <p>Open Every Day from<br>
+10 A.M. to 3 P.M.</p>
+ <p><small><i>Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents<br>
+to Ten Thousand Dollars will be received</i>.</small></p>
+ <p><b>Six per Cent interest,<br>
+Free of Government Tax</b></p>
+ <p><small>INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS<br>
+Commences on the First of every Month.</small></p>
+ <p>HENRY SMITH, <i>President<br>
+ <br>
+ </i> REEVES E. SELMES, <i>Secretary</i>.</p>
+ <p>WALTER ROCHE,<br>
+EDWARD HOGAN,<br>
+ <i>Vice-Presidents</i>.</p>
+ </td>
+ <td align="center">
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;">The only Journal of its kind in
+America!!</p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>THE AMERICAN CHEMIST:</big></p>
+ <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">A MONTHLY JOURNAL</span><br>
+ <small>OF</small><br>
+ <small>THEORETICAL, ANALYTICAL AND TECHNICAL CHEMISTRY.</small></p>
+ <p><small>DEVOTED ESPECIALLY TO AMERICAN INTERESTS.</small></p>
+ <p><small>EDITED BY<br>
+Chas. F. Chandler, Ph.D., &amp; W.H. Chandler.</small></p>
+ <p><small>The Proprietors and Publishers of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST,
+having purchased the subscription list and stock of the American
+reprint of the CHEMICAL NEWS, have decided to advance the interests of
+the American Chemical Science by the publication of a Journal which
+shall be a medium of communication for all practical, thinking,
+experimenting, and manufacturing scientific men throughout the country.</small></p>
+ <p><small>The columns of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST are open for the
+reception of original articles from any part of the country, subject to
+approval of the editor. Letters of inquiry on any points of interest
+within the scope of the Journal will receive prompt attention.</small></p>
+ <p><b>THE AMERICAN CHEMIST</b></p>
+ <p>Is a Journal of especial interest to</p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>SCHOOLS AND MEN OF SCIENCE,
+TO COLLEGES, APOTHECARIES, DRUGGISTS, PHYSICIANS, ASSAYERS, DYERS,
+PHOTOGRAPHERS, MANUFACTURERS,</small></p>
+ <p>And all concerned in scientific pursuits.</p>
+ <p><b>Subscription, $5.00 per annum, in advance; 50 cts. per
+number. Specimen copies, 25 cts.</b></p>
+ <p>Address WILLIAM BALDWIN &amp; CO.,<br>
+Publishers and Proprieters<br>
+424 Broome Street, New York</p>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ </tbody>
+</table>
+<table width="800" align="center">
+ <tbody>
+ <tr>
+ <td> <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <center>
+ <p><small>Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year
+1870, by the PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,<br>
+in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States, for
+the Southern District of New York.</small></p>
+ </center>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <center> <img alt="" src="images/117.jpg">
+ <p><b>WALKING DOWN CHATHAM STREET.</b></p>
+ <p><i>Clothier.</i> "Step in and look at our goods, Captain.
+Summer stuffs at a discount&#8212;nice lot o' white ducks at half price."</p>
+ <p><i>Sportsman.</i> "I beat you there. I've got a nice lot o'
+black ducks here that ain't to be had at any price."</p>
+ </center>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>BRILLIANCY OF THE "SUN."</b></p>
+ <p>The Moon, as is generally known, shines with a borrowed light,
+while the Sun is popularly supposed to manufacture its own gas and to
+arrange its pyrotechnics on the premises. Our N.Y. <i>Sun</i>,
+however, does not always manufacture its own beams. By far the most
+brilliant of the "sunbeams," for instance, published in that journal of
+November 1st, is the quaint and charming little poem there headed
+"Sally Salter," and written originally for Punchinello, in the issue of
+which publication for Oct. 1st it made its first appearance, under the
+title of "The Lovers." We congratulate the <i>Sun</i> on having thus
+successfully lit its pipe with Punchinello's fire, though we think it
+might have been gracious enough to have acknowledged the favor.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>A PEOPLE OF TASTE.</b></p>
+ <p>The extraordinary liberality of the generous people of
+Connecticut has frequently excited apprehension in the minds of their
+friends, that, sooner or later, as the result of their spendthrift
+career, they must come to beggary. But we are glad to hear that they
+are making an effort in New Haven to reform. The grocery men there say
+that their customers taste so much before they can make up their minds
+to buy anything, that what with gratuitous slices of cheese and
+specimen mouthfuls of sugar and sample spoonfuls of molasses, the
+shop-keeper's profits are most dolefully diminished. A particularly
+BLUE LAW against this economical custom will have the effect of
+sobering down these brilliant Cullers.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>"What Answer?"</b></p>
+ <p>Is it likely that HORACE GREELEY, or any other man, could
+steer this country through its difficulties by means of the tillers of
+the soil?</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>ANY MORE CAVES?</b></p>
+ <p>About the dreariest magazine or other reading we know of&#8212;and
+we get a deal of it, too&#8212;is that which describes the visits of
+enthusiastic persons to big caves underground, very dark, damp, dreary,
+ugly, funereal&#8212;with winding ways and huge holes, water with eyeless
+fish, and certain drippings called stalagmites and stalactites. The
+enthusiasts, who always possess that priceless treasure
+self-satisfaction, and a boundless capacity for wonder (which is always
+ready to exercise itself with anything that is big, however ugly), and
+the "Palaces," and "Halls," and "Cascades," and "Altars," and "Bridal
+Wreaths" they see there are not only finer than real ones (if you would
+believe them!) but so grand and wonderful as to be really
+indescribable. So we find them, by their turgid and stupid reports,
+which are all alike, and all dreary and silly. We have never heard of
+anybody who got excited over these pictures (except the artists
+themselves); and positively there is no flatter reading anywhere than
+these gushing notes about big caves.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>GEOMETRICAL.</b></p>
+ <p>Why is it that we hear so much of the proper "Sphere" of
+woman? Here is that noble exile, the Princess Editha Montez, lecturing
+again, and her subject, of course, is the Spherical one. So when
+Mesdames Stanton, Dickinson, Anthony, Howe&#8212;all the lovely
+lecturers&#8212;discourse, they forget the platform which is plane, and
+discuss the "sphere" which is mysterious. Can it possibly be that it is
+because these amiable gentlewomen are always going round? Or is it
+because they cannot help reasoning in a circle? Or is there some occult
+relation between spheres and hoops? Or has the wedding-ring something
+to do with it? It should be understood, that these are questions
+addressed solely to male mathematicians; for Mr. P. is unlike John
+Graham, and doesn't care to cross-examine ladies.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>SECRETION EXTRAORDINARY.</b></p>
+ <p>It is done by Mollusks. We can tell you even the precise
+kind&#8212;it is the Gasteropod kind. Not only this, we know the very devil
+himself that does it. (And you will say that "devil" is not a particle
+too rough a term, when we come to tell what it is he "secretes.") It is
+the <i>Dolium galea</i>, good friends, and we could tell you six other
+kinds that are suspected of this meanness. One of 'em is the <i>Pleurobranchidium</i>&#8212;which,
+of course, you have often heard of.</p>
+ <p>Well, what do these wretched Mollusks go and secrete? We can
+tell you&#8212;we, who know everything. It is sulphuric acid! What! do they
+steal it? Oh, no; they "evolve" it&#8212;probably from the "depths of their
+own consciousness."</p>
+ <p>And what do they do it for? Well, they bore with it. Give 'em
+a chance, and they'll go through <i>you</i>. The acid eats its way,
+and then they eat <i>their</i> way. That way is not ours, exactly; but
+we have known human beings about as venomous as this creature, and with
+precisely the same tendency to pierce one. They do it with their
+tongues, it is true, but the perforation is complete.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>THE WRONG PLACE.</b></p>
+ <p>We are unusually astonished to find the Female Reformers
+holding their meeting in this city in Apollo Hall. It is well known
+that Apollo was a god of the male persuasion; and to have everything
+"mix up well," these philosophical dames should have a Minerva Hall or
+a Diana Hall of their own. Besides, was not Apollo the God of Harmony?
+Precious little of that same was there at this meeting; for there was
+the Medical Mary Walker trying to make a speech, while the Chairwoman
+put her down, causing Mary de Medici to cry out with shrill
+indignation: "Tyrant!" Bless us! we thought all the tyrants were we
+Bearded Ones.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>A LETTER FROM CHICAGO</b>.</p>
+ <p><img alt="P" align="left" src="images/118.jpg">urposely or
+otherwise, we are all on our way to California now&#8212;men, women, and
+children&#8212;graybeards and babies. We did Europe two or three years ago,
+so that idea is obsolete, excepting as a bridal tour; then, too, the
+more peaceably inclined, who have not seen the European elephant, would
+prefer to wait until that country is again in a state of quiescence.
+But Chicago is constantly sending out her adventure-loving citizens
+upon the Pacific road, each one of whom looks, sees, admires, and
+suddenly develops an epistolary talent hitherto undreamed of by his
+most enthusiastic friends. There's our MELISSA, for instance&#8212;she never
+used to have a pen in her hand more than once in the course of six
+months, and <i>now</i>&#8212;why, we really seem to have another
+S&Eacute;VIGN&Eacute; budding right in our midst. She went to
+California, saw all the sights, and wondered, and admired, and <i>wrote</i>.
+The floods of eloquence that had so long been slumbering now burst
+forth beyond all hindrance or control. She stopped at Salt Lake, and
+called upon BRIGHAM YOUNG, and was so disgusted with the mighty prophet
+that she would not look at him. Yet, considering that circumstance, she
+described his personal appearance with wonderful vividness and
+accuracy. She indulged in the usual amount of stern remonstrance and
+indignation, that seem to be almost indispensable to the occasion.
+ALONZO asked why she called upon the dreadful man, and somewhat
+maliciously inquired if it was not for the express purpose of being
+shocked and horrified, thus affording a fine chance to moralize, and
+display the elevation of her own principles, and, in fact, help to fill
+out a good article; but MELISSA most vigorously denied the soft
+impeachment. Then she saw the sad wives, whose days of sunshine are
+gone by, and the merry ones,&#8212;who don the cap and bells deliberately;
+and for their benefit she expended just the proper degree of
+astonishment and sympathy&#8212;so fully substantiating the sound and
+praiseworthy condition of her own mind and heart.</p>
+ <p>This excellent young woman also caught glimpses of the red
+man, and here was another glorious opportunity to display her literary
+genius&#8212;and she did not let the occasion slip&#8212;O no! it produced a
+plaintive little rhapsody of pity and regret, such as "Mr. Lo!" is apt
+to inspire in the hearts of the young and romantic, although if MELISSA
+were to find herself alone in a forest, with the faintest suspicion of
+"Mr. Lo!" meandering anywhere near, she would most likely apply her
+hand involuntarily to her trembling chignon, and regret as keenly as
+all <i>hard-hearted</i> persons, that civilization has not carried out
+the process of extermination even more thoroughly than it has done.
+Indeed, she would probably wish the red gentleman at the bottom of the
+Red Sea, or in some other equally damp and discouraging situation. The
+noble-hearted braves are so much prettier to read about than to
+encounter, and the thrill occasioned by the sight of a bloody hatchet
+suspended over the intricate elaboration which we so fondly term a
+head, though more exciting perhaps, would scarcely be as delightful as
+that awakened by some perfectly safe and stirring ballad of the red
+man's wrongs.</p>
+ <p>MELISSA'S ideas of refinement met with a great shock. She
+concluded that the Indians' acquaintance with soap and water must be
+extremely limited, and thought that the distribution amongst them of
+several boxes of COLGATE'S best would be a most delicate courtesy, and
+true missionary enterprise. In looking at these noble representatives
+of savage life, she was greatly puzzled to discover where the dirt
+ended and the Indian began: but philanthropy should overlook such
+trifles. Philanthropy shouldn't be squeamish.</p>
+ <p>MELISSA, ecstasized over Lake Tahoe, and Yo Semit&eacute;, and
+the Big Trees, and was delighted, enchanted, and enraptured in the most
+thorough and conscientious manner. She revelled amongst California
+grapes and pears, and quaffed the California wines with appropriate
+delight and hilarity. She also studied JOHN CHINAMAN in all his phases,
+and came to the conclusion that he would do. She thought it would be a
+seraphic experience to see the pride and importance of Misses BRIDGET
+and GRETCHEN taken down a little. JOHN would certainly not possess the
+voluble eloquence&#8212;of the first, nor the stolid impudence of the second,
+nor would he have, like the pretty Swede, a train of admirers a mile in
+length. Of course he would not have these advantages to recommend him.
+But then one can get along without florid oratory in the kitchen, and
+although a lady may feel highly pleased and flattered to see an
+unending procession of admirers file in and out of her drawing-rooms,
+still she has a most decided objection to seeing the same imposing
+spectacle in her kitchen. Women, will be inconsistent.</p>
+ <p>MELISSA particularly admired JOHN'S manner of ironing. She
+thought it peculiar but genteel, and gentility is always desirable.
+There must be something about the climate of California that is
+especially inspiring to authors&#8212;a kind of magnetism in the atmosphere
+that draws out all the literary talent which may be lying dormant in
+their souls&#8212;so that any one desirous of becoming a writer, has only to
+take a trip to that fascinating region, and at some unexpected moment
+he will awake with rapture and delight to the blessed consciousness of
+having blossomed into a flower of genius, and, as such, will feel
+privileged at once to deluge his family, his friends, and the world in
+general, with the brilliant results of his most delightful discovery.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>THE PROFIT OF PURITAN PRISONS</b>.</p>
+ <p>Spain has commissioned a Mr. AZCARATE, a Cuban, to visit and
+report upon our penal institutions, and the gentleman is now in the
+country. We trust he will not fail to visit the Connecticut State
+Prison. There he would unquestionably obtain numerous hints for
+improving the Spanish system of prison torture, or even that in vogue
+in his native land, for political prisoners. There he might learn how
+Yankee thrift, applied in this direction, makes the starving of
+convicts even a more profitable business than manufacturing wooden
+nutmegs. Perhaps not the least valuable information he would gain,
+would be the best method of goading obnoxious prisoners into revolt,
+and thus obtaining a chance for disposing of them, legally, by a
+capital conviction.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>AN OPEN CONGRESSIONAL COUNTENANCE</b>.</p>
+ <p>It is oddly enough objected to the re-election of a certain
+Member of Congress from Massachusetts, that "he can't open his mouth."
+It might be answered that Gen. BUTLER is quite able to open his mouth
+wide enough for the whole delegation. The mouth may be opened for two
+purposes, viz., speech-making and swallowing; and it never appeared to
+us that there was any lack either of Bolting or Bellering in the House
+of Representatives. However notably Honorable Gentlemen may play the
+game either of Gab or Grab, it isn't so clear that their constituents
+are much benefited by these accomplishments. If all they want is an
+open-mouthed Member, why don't the Massachusetts men import a
+first-class crocodile, and send him to the National Menagerie in
+Washington?</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>SPREAD OF AMERICAN PRINCIPLES</b>.</p>
+ <p>It is with a heart full of patriotic pride and gratitude that
+Mr. PUNCHINELLO observes the adoption, in his dear native Italy, of the
+manners and customs of the Land of his Adoption. At an election
+recently held in Rome, about something or some other thing, one
+enterprising Roman has been discovered who voted "yes" twenty-five
+times in as many electoral urns&#8212;thereby, it is to be presumed, earning
+a good deal of money. We have a more lively hope for charming Italy
+when we find even a single citizen exhibiting a skill which would do
+honor to the most accomplished professional voter in New York. There is
+something encouraging in finding the Sons of ST. PETER becoming, every
+one of them, Re-Peters.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>To Commentators</b>.</p>
+ <p>The "Sun of York," mentioned in Richard III., has no reference
+to the "Sun of New York" neither was the quotation, "Who is here so
+base, that would be a bondman?" especially meant for application to
+"THE" ALLEN.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>Beatific</b>.</p>
+ <p>They talk a great deal about the twenty-eight inch beet they
+have grown in California, but a policeman of this city has a beat three
+miles long.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <center> <img alt="" src="images/119.jpg">
+ <p><b>"SICH A GITTIN' UP STARES."</b></p>
+ <p><i>1st festive Cuss.</i> "WHAT MAKES FOLKS STARE AT US SO?"</p>
+ <p><i>2d Festive Cuss.</i> "ON ACCOUNT OF OUR ELEGANT COSTOOM, I
+GUESS. THEY TAKE YOU FOR WALL STREET, AND ME FOR FIFTH AVENUE."</p>
+ </center>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>OUR EYE-WITNESS AT THE ELECTIONS.</b></p>
+ <p>We suppose that no individual has rendered more invaluable
+service as a historian than the distinguished Eye-witness of the
+newspapers. The friends of PUNCHINELLO will therefore be rejoiced to
+hear that this accurate reporter was engaged to detail for our readers
+the progress of the late elections.</p>
+ <p>Some time ago, the Eye-witness set about organizing the
+campaign by the masterly and novel plan of inducing the leaders of the
+opposing political parties to nominate different men for the same
+office. The effect was electrical. Immediately on these nominations
+being made public, the people rose like one man, and began canvassing
+like a great many different and very quarrelsome men. Target companies
+sprang from the recesses of the East Side, like ghosts from the rocks
+in <i>Der Freisch&uuml;tz;</i> drums and fifes resounded; cannons
+boomed; fireworks burst into flame. The Eye-witness, having thus set
+the universe satisfactorily by the ears, got into his second-story
+front, and contemplated the campaign with serene complacency from the
+window.</p>
+ <p>He had not to wait very long for a Mass Meeting to be formed
+under his very nose, and, consequently, within range of his witnessing
+and recording Eye. This Mass Meeting was conducted by the "Intelligent"
+Party, and was announced to be speedily followed by a Multitudinous
+Assemblage of the "Enlightened" Party. These two factions, as it will
+readily be observed, and as their names indicate, are of the most
+widely varying character and scope; a fact to be further illustrated by
+the proceedings which followed.</p>
+ <p>The intelligent began to assemble early in the evening, to the
+sound of guns and drums and sky-rockets. These accompaniments were
+intended to get their spirits up, but the Intelligent persistently
+applied themselves to getting spirits down; and when the rival
+processes had continued for a reasonable length of time, speakers began
+to appear upon the stands. The first man who addressed them was the
+Commercial Candidate.</p>
+ <p>"Fellow-citizens," said he, "why are you here? To elect me, of
+course. (Immense cheering.) And why will you elect me? I am an honest
+man: I want no office. (Laughter and cheers.) Ah, my friends, you elect
+me because you are now paying $5.36 on every pound of Peruvian Bark and
+Egyptian Mummy which you use in every-day life, and because you know
+that when I am in, the other party will be out!" (Continued applause.)</p>
+ <p>Next rose an ex-Senator, who said he had come wholly
+unprepared to speak, but, being unexpectedly called upon, had made some
+brief jottings on a visiting-card, to which he would now refer. He then
+spoke for one hour and three-quarters. At the close there was an
+intermission for carrying off the dead.</p>
+ <p>JONES, the candidate for the office of Vituperator, then
+cleared his throat savagely.</p>
+ <p>"My friends," he began, "BROWN, the opposing candidate, is a
+scamp, and he knows it. If any man says he isn't, <i>he</i> is. (Loud
+cheers.) Do you ask me to prove it? Prove an axiom! (Applause.) Who but
+a damned rascal would run against me at election? I tell you it is
+assault and battery! (Sounds of approbation.) In conclusion, I will
+only add that Brown is an infernal bummer and a sneak." (Cheers.)</p>
+ <p>The Intelligent then dispersed in a splendidly ferocious and
+bloody-minded condition, fully primed for the election. Shortly
+afterward the Enlightened appeared upon the scene in the following</p>
+ORDER OF PROCESSION.<br>
+ <br>
+Cordon of Police.<br>
+Drum.<br>
+Committee of Arrangements.<br>
+Fife.<br>
+Target Company.<br>
+Drum and Fife.<br>
+Small boys.<br>
+Apple-women.<br>
+Drum.<br>
+ <p>The Enlightened candidate for the Vituperator was the first on
+the stand. He rushed forward and said:&#8212;</p>
+ <p>"The Vituperative candidate of the Intelligent let fall in a
+former speech some subtle or carefully worded innuendoes as to my
+character. I have only to say that his speech was a tissue of
+falsehood. I will trespass upon your patience further, to add that
+JONES is an infernal bummer and a sneak. If he is not, my
+fellow-citizens, why then I am. (Indignant cries of 'That's so!') My
+friends, you cannot doubt this reasoning. The facts are then
+conclusive. Either he is a bummer, or I am. It is therefore your duty,
+on the 8th November, to elect me at once and in fact to the office of
+Vituperator, and prospectively to those of Mayor, Governor, and
+President of the United States." (Prolonged cheering.)</p>
+ <p>Mr. DE MAGOG, a very giant of eloquence, a Gog as well as
+Magog of oratory, next set the enlightened agog with a speech.</p>
+ <p>"Fellow-citizens! Men and Brothers! Victory or defeat! Liberty
+or death! Glorious republic! Stars and Stripes! Down with the traitor!
+To the polls! Red fire&#8212;blood and thunder"&#8212;(voice drowned in shouts of
+wild enthusiasm.)</p>
+ <p>The Eye-witness, meantime, had become distracted with
+harassing doubts. Subscribing fully to the politics of PUNCHINELLO,
+which is the only paper he reads, he had hitherto announced himself as
+a member of the Right Party. Being, however, open to conviction, he had
+unfortunately permitted both parties to convict him. In this awful
+crisis Reason appeared about to totter from her throne. The Eye-witness
+thrust his head wildly from the window, and shrieked to the crowd
+below: "Where's the Right Man? I belong to the Right Party. I want to
+hear the Right Man!!"</p>
+ <p>At once the mob became a sea of upturned faces. The
+Enlightened, together with a large number of the Intelligent, who had
+lingered on the scene, with one common consent lifted up their voices
+and groaned. The groan was but a premonitory thunder to a shower of
+sticks, stones, whiskey-bottles, and superannuated eggs. The
+Eye-witness closed the window with an undignified bang, and retired
+into the depths of his chamber, where he remained until after the
+election. Owing to a dimness of vision, resulting from the
+eggs-cruciating condition of his ocular organs, the occupation of the
+Eye-witness was from that moment gone. And to this fact must be
+attributed his inability to state, with any certainty, whether the
+Right Party has succeeded in putting the Right Man in the Right Place;
+but he rather thinks it has.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>Spots on the Sun.</b></p>
+ <p>The <i>Sun</i> is eclipsed by the <i>World,</i> and is far
+behind the <i>Times.</i> It cannot be considered a <i>Standard</i>
+sheet, and will never personify the <i>Star</i> newspaper. Receiving
+its <i>News</i> with the <i>Mail,</i> as a <i>Herald</i> it is
+valueless. It cannot claim to be a <i>Journal of Commerce,</i> and as
+a <i>Tribune</i> for the people it is a failure, and it does not shine
+as a <i>Democrat,</i> for it relies on the <i>Post</i> for most of
+its intelligence.</p>
+ <p>Moral.&#8212;Keep the <i>Sun</i> out of your eyes.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <center> <img alt="" src="images/120.jpg">
+ <p><b>A CHEERFUL PROSPECT,</b></p>
+ <p><i>First Old Loafer</i>. "THE PAPERS SAYS THERE'S A CHANCE OF
+THE BOURBON DIE NASTY REIGNING IN FRANCE AGAIN."</p>
+ <p><i>Second ditto</i>. "BULLY! IF THERE'S ANYTHING I LIVE FOR
+ITS A HIGH OLD RAIN OF BOURBON. LET IT POUR!"</p>
+ </center>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>SARSFIELD YOUNG ON FORT SUMTER.</b></p>
+ <p>The country was indignant that Fort Sumter was not reinforced.
+Major Anderson's supplies were nearly exhausted, and he wanted twenty
+thousand men, with equipments and rations. If the Government couldn't
+afford the rations&#8212;very well: it ought at least to given him the men.</p>
+ <p>I am speaking of the late rebellion, which GREELEY, HEADLEY,
+and others have written up. Although a publishing company at Hartford,
+Conn., own most of the facts of the war, which they peddle out only by
+subscription, they can give the public but little of the secret history
+of the Fort Sumter affair. That remains to be written, while WELLER and
+I remain to write it. The Ex-Secretary has gracefully left it to me to
+describe the midnight session of the Cabinet at which I chanced to be
+present.</p>
+ <p>I was boarding at the White House at the time, and as
+President LINCOLN assured me it would be rather interesting, I was
+persuaded to attend. "The fact is, the crisis reminds me," said he, of
+a little story of a horse-trot in Arkansas&#8212;"</p>
+ <p>"Sir," interrupted I, "it reminds me of a dozen stories, one
+of AEsop's fables, and two hundred lives of CHAUCER."</p>
+ <p>He was afraid to continue.</p>
+ <p>As the clock struck twelve, he called the meeting to order and
+remarked: "Gentlemen, ANDERSON is in Sumter. The question now is,&#8212;what
+will he do with it?"</p>
+ <p>South Carolina was out. BUCHANAN had done nothing. Everywhere
+was distrust. (That very day they had refused, on Pennsylvania avenue,
+to trust me for a spring overcoat.) STANTON was getting his dark
+lantern ready for nightly interviews with SUMNER and WENDELL PHILLIPS
+in a vacant lot upon the outskirts of the Capitol. Universal gloom
+prevailed.</p>
+ <p>SEWARD opened the discussion. He said it was contemplated to
+throw four thousand men into Fort Sumter. We couldn't do it. If we did,
+it would only be one of the first throes of a civil conflict, a war
+long and bloody, which he would venture to predict might be protracted
+even to the extent of ninety days. Were we prepared for that? He would
+like to hear from that pure patriot, the Secretary of War, on this
+point.</p>
+ <p>Amid murmurs of applause, Gen. CAMERON rose to say that he was
+wholly unprepared to make a speech; but he owned a lot of condemned
+muskets, which he stood ready to dispose of to the Government at four
+times their original cost. He should advise that the Fort be covered
+with several thicknesses of Pennsylvania railroad iron. It would
+protect our gallant troops, and he was now, as he had always been, in
+favor of protection. Besides, he knew parties who could get up a ring
+in the way of army blankets.</p>
+ <p>Mr. CHASE spoke rather thick and fast, but I understood him to
+pronounce in favor of that platform which would get the most votes. "If
+the people think it ought to be done, why, do it. The country needs
+taxation, and is anxious to have me President. I think I can borrow
+money enough in Wall street to pay the passage of a moderate number of
+men to Charleston, but they mustn't on any account be CHASE men. I
+don't want any of my friends killed off before the next Presidential
+election."</p>
+ <p>"What the Administration lacks," chimed in BLAIR, "is
+backbone. Powder and ball, and blood are my sentiments. Fill all the
+army and navy offices with the BLAIR family, and secession is dead."</p>
+ <p>SEWARD again: "Strengthen Pickens, and let Sumter go. Our
+soldiers will find it healthier and more commodious at Pickens. I'll
+have the <i>Powhatan</i> sent there forthwith."</p>
+ <p>Hereupon Mr. GIDEON WELLES woke up and remarked, in a strain
+of apology, that be hadn't read his commission yet, but it was his
+impression that he was the head of what was called the Navy Department.
+Coming from an inland town, he didn't exactly know whether the
+Secretary of State or himself had the ordering about of our national
+vessels; but he rather thought he would relieve his friend SEWARD of
+that burden. He had talked with several old sea-dogs. They all agreed
+that the success of the plan depended on its feasibility. Capt. Fox, a
+private citizen of Massachusetts, had been down there with a horse and
+buggy, and reports that a squad of marines could do the job up in good
+style.</p>
+ <p>Mr. BATES was called upon, and stated that strengthening
+Sumter, without giving the Southerners four weeks' notice of our
+intention, would not, in his opinion, be unconstitutional.</p>
+ <p>At this juncture Mr. FLOYD (who, having acquired the habit of
+attending BUCHANAN'S cabinet meetings, had not quite got over it) put
+his head in for a moment to suggest, that if the Black Republican
+Government would evacuate all the forts on Southern territory,
+remunerate his friends for their expenses, and execute a quit-claim
+deed of Washington and the national property to JEFF. DAVIS and other
+Southern leaders, the proposition might possibly be accepted, and
+trouble avoided.</p>
+ <p>Mr. SEWARD rose to add only a word, and that word was
+"Pickens."</p>
+ <p>The Secretary of the Interior observed, that as Charleston
+harbor wasn't in his department, he would say nothing.</p>
+ <p>Mr. BATES urged that the people of his section were loyal to
+the flag; in fact, they not only wanted the flag but the Capitol
+itself, and the national buildings (except the monument), removed to
+St. Louis; if they couldn't get that, they might be satisfied if Fort
+Sumter were towed around there, up the Mississippi. It would certainly
+be a good deal safer there.</p>
+ <p>Mr. GIDEON WELLES wanted it distinctly understood that Gen.
+SCOTT, Gen. HOLT, Capt. FOX and the <i>Powhatan</i> could save the
+country if Mr. SEWARD would let them; otherwise he would make a minute
+of these deliberations, and if his friend Mr. YOUNG (whom he was
+pleased to see present) didn't expose it, he himself would put it in
+the shape of a lively sketch, and send it to the magazines.</p>
+ <p>"Well&#8212;now," said Mr. LINCOLN, after patiently waiting, "this
+reminds me of the man in Pomeroy, Ohio, who kept what he called an
+'eating saloon.' One morning, a tall hoosier came in and called for
+ham and eggs. 'Can't giv 'em to ye, stranger,' said the proprietor,
+'but what'll ye hav' t'drink?&#8212;don't keep nothin' but a bar.' 'Yer
+don't? Then what'n thunder yer got that sign out thar for?' for the
+fellow was a little mad. 'Why yer see I call her a eating saloon, 'cos
+I reckon she eats up all the profits."</p>
+ <p>This beautiful and appropriate anecdote, which seemed to throw
+a flood of light upon the critical State question under consideration,
+pleased every one except FLOYD, who swore it was ungenerous and
+unchivalric. Hastily withdrawing, he threatened to telegraph it
+verbatim to the insurgents; it would fire the Southern heart.</p>
+ <p>SEWARD said he was going home, as he had already sent the <i>Powhatan</i>
+to PICKENS.</p>
+ <p>Mr. LINCOLN yawned, and turning to me, inquired: "Well,
+SARSFIELD, you see what a man's got to do to run this machine,&#8212;now
+what's your advice?"</p>
+ <p>"Your Excellency," I replied, "there's a man in the tanning
+business at Galena, in your State. Telegraph him at once. His name is
+GRANT, and if you give him the tools to work with, he'll straighten
+everything out for you as neat as a pin."</p>
+ <p>The meeting dissolved without taking heed of my suggestion,
+and the world knows the result. However, there's one thing I am proud
+of. I claim to have discovered GRANT four years before WASHBURN did.
+That's the secret why I can have any office I want under the present
+administration.</p>
+ <p>SARSFIELD YOUNG.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>THE PLAYS AND SHOWS.</b></p>
+ <p><img alt="T" align="left" src="images/121.jpg">he popularity
+of opera among fashionable people in this city varies inversely as the
+intelligibility of the language in which it is sung.</p>
+ <p>To illustrate! The Italian opera is fashionable, though not
+one in ten of the people composing an average audience understand a
+word that is said or sung. The French opera is less fashionable, but
+perhaps one-third of the audience can understand the less ingenious of
+the indelicate jokes. The English opera is not fashionable, but every
+one can understand every word that Miss RICHINGS or Miss HERSEE
+pronounces. These facts undoubtedly stand in the relation of cause and
+effect. Wherefore the axiom with which this column begins.</p>
+ <p>To be sure, the words of an opera are a matter of very little
+consequence, the music speaking as plainly as the clearest of Saxon
+sentences. But the fashionable public knows less of music than it knows
+of languages, and would be quite capable of mistaking "<i>Gran Dio</i>"
+for a comic song, and "<i>Libiamo</i>" for a lover's lamentation, were
+not the translated libretto of <i>Traviata</i> at hand to supply them
+and the critics of the minor papers, with the cue for the display of
+appropriate emotion. Singers, especially, understand the full force of
+the above stated axiom. Hence, those who are deficient in voice avoid
+the English stage. Miss KELLOGG, for example, never attempted English
+opera, because she knew that people who had heard ROSE HERSEE or
+CAROLINE RICHINGS would laugh at her claim to be "the greatest living
+Prima Donna," should she compete with those birds of English song.
+Wherefore, she wisely confined herself to the Italian stage, sure of
+pleasing a public that knows nothing of music, but is confident that a
+lady who enjoys the friendship of Madison avenue must be a great
+singer. PAREPA, on the contrary, turned from the Italian to the English
+stage,&#8212;but then PAREPA had a voice.</p>
+ <p>How many years is it since CAROLINE RICHINGS first sung in
+English opera? It is an ungallant question, but the answer would be
+still more ungallant were it not that Miss RICHINGS is an artist; and
+with artists the crown of youth never loses the brightness of its
+laurel leaves. At any rate, she has sung long enough to compel the
+recognition of her claims to our gratitude and admiration. She is not
+faultless in her method, but she differs from other great American
+prime donne in the important particular of possessing voice enough to
+fill an auditorium larger than the average minstrel hall.</p>
+ <p>At present she is filling NIBLO'S GARDEN with her voice and
+its admirers. We go to hear her. PALMER and ZIMMERMANN, clad in velvet
+and fine linen, flit gorgeously about the lobby, and are mistaken, by
+rural visitors, for JIM FISK and HORACE GREELEY&#8212;concerning whom the
+tradition prevails in rural districts that they are clothed in a style
+materially different from that affected by King Solomon at the period
+of his greatest glory. We find our seats, and mentally remarking that
+NIBLO'S is the one theatre in this city from which it would be possible
+to escape with whole bones and coat in case of fire, we await with
+contented minds the lifting of the curtain.</p>
+ <p>In time the opera begins, and a select company of young men
+who are standing in the rear of the audience improve every possible
+opportunity for breaking into rapturous applause. Their zeal
+occasionally outruns their discretion, and they finally ruin the
+attempt of Miss RICHINGS to execute a florid cadenza at the end of one
+of her arias. An intelligent usher is therefore detailed to curse them
+into a comprehension of their duties, after which they applaud with a
+discretion which produces almost exactly the effect of spontaneous
+enthusiasm.</p>
+ <p>Remarks a young lady near us, who is dressed with much wealth
+of contrasting colors:&#8212;"This isn't half so nice as the Italian opera.
+Miss RICHINGS can't dress half so nicely as Miss KELLOGG, and then you
+don't see any fashionable people here. The DAVIDS, the ABRAHAMS, the
+AARONS, the NOAHS, that handsome Mr. JACOBS, and that delightful Mr.
+MOSES,&#8212;all these elegant young men with beautiful eyes and curly hair
+that dress in velvet coats and diamond studs&#8212;there isn't one of them
+here. Our best society never goes to any opera but the real Italian
+opera."</p>
+ <p>LIGHT-HAIRED YOUNG MAN.&#8212;"But, my dear, it seems to me that
+your best society must consist chiefly of Jews&#8212;judging from the names
+you mention."</p>
+ <p>YOUNG LADY.&#8212;"Well, what if it does? They are rich, are they
+not? What more could you want?"</p>
+ <p>LIGHT-HAIRED YOUNG MAN.&#8212;"What, indeed! But the music is just
+as good as it would be if the fashionable Israelites were here,&#8212;isn't
+it?"</p>
+ <p>SHE.&#8212;"The music as good! Why, Charles, everybody knows that
+the Italian opera music is perfectly lovely. This is only English, you
+know."</p>
+ <p>HE.&#8212;"It is precisely the same. Here the <i>Somnmabula</i> is
+sung with English instead of Italian words. That doesn't alter a single
+note."</p>
+ <p>SHE.&#8212;"You are too ridiculous! The idea of attempting to make
+me believe that this is just like the Italian Opera! Don't you suppose
+I knows anything about music?"</p>
+ <p>OLD GENTLEMAN.&#8212;"I heard CAROLINE RICHINGS sing in 1808,&#8212;I
+think it was. I tell you she sings better now tan she did then, but the
+stupid public never appreciated her. I recollect saying to KEAN&#8212;not
+CHARLES, you know, but <i>the</i> KEAN&#8212;that I knew a young lady that
+would be a splendid singer some of these days&#8212;meaning CAROLINE, of
+course. 'Well, sir,' says KEAN, 'what of it; you can't drink her, can
+you?' Gad! he was the best man for repartee I ever knew. To give you an
+instance; one night KEAN and I, and old SMITH,&#8212;you don't remember old
+SMITH, I presume; he played old men at the Boston Theatre sixty years
+ago; I never met a jollier fellow,&#8212;I remember his saying one night when
+JUNICS BOOTH was playing&#8212;let me see, what was the play; it wasn't the <i>Apostate</i>,
+I hardly think, for&#8212;"</p>
+ <p>Here the orchestra mercifully strikes up, and the big drum
+drums the garrulous monologue of the veteran theatrical observer. We
+have another act of the opera, sung far better than any opera has been
+sung at the Academy for years. Pretty ROSE HERSEE&#8212;when have we had a
+voice as pure, or a manner as charming as hers?&#8212;sings in this act, and
+her tones so closely resemble those of NILSSON in their exquisite
+purity, that we wonder how she has escaped the abuse of that
+"independent critical journal," the <i>Season</i>, until we notice a
+middle-aged gentleman sleeping quietly with a copy of the <i>Season</i>
+on his lap, and remember that at NIBLO'S GARDEN the proprietor of the
+independent critical journal is permitted to distribute his mental
+soothing syrup, while at STEINWAY HALL a rival sheet is the only
+admitted programme.</p>
+ <p>And I say&#8212;still thinking of NILSSON&#8212;to an experienced
+theatre-goer,&#8212;"Why does WATSON abuse NILSSON?"</p>
+ <p>And he answers, with the contemptuous, but obviously honest
+inquiry&#8212;"Who's WATSON?"</p>
+ <p>Really appalled by the suggestion that there exists a man with
+soul and things so completely dead as not to have heard of the great
+WATSON, I change my question and ask him: "Why does the <i>Season</i>
+abuse NILSSON?"</p>
+ <p>HE.&#8212;"The <i>Season</i>, my young friend, is a programme paper
+that is circulated gratuitously and depends for support upon its
+advertizing patronage. A few managers permit it to be circulated in
+their theatres; the remaining managers will not admit it. Among the
+latter are Mr. WALLACK, and MAX STRAKOSCH. Consequently, the <i>Season</i>
+abuses WALLACK'S Theatre and NILSSON'S concerts&#8212;asserting that Mr.
+WALLACK has a wretched company, and that Miss NILSSON has no voice. The
+ <i>Season</i> is also a comic paper, and its best joke is its
+assertion that it is an 'independent critical journal.'"</p>
+ <p>YOUNG LADY IN COLORS.&#8212;"This opera is dreadfully stupid."</p>
+ <p>LIGHT-HAIRED YOUNG MAN.&#8212;"But, MARY ANNE, it is one of
+Mozart's&#8212;the <i>Marriage of Figaro</i>. It is one of his most famous
+works."</p>
+ <p>SHE.&#8212;"Then I don't like Mozart. There was an Italian who wrote
+an opera that was all about Figaro,&#8212;the <i>Nossy di Figaro</i> was the
+name of it. Oh, it is perfectly splendid; ever so much prettier than
+this."</p>
+ <p>HE.&#8212;"Why, my dear girl, the <i>Nozze di Figaro</i> is the
+identical opera you are now hearing."</p>
+ <p>SHE.&#8212;"There is young Mr. NATHAN ISAACS. Isn't he perfectly
+splendid?"</p>
+ <p>HE (sighing sadly).&#8212;"Whenever you wish to go home, I am ready."</p>
+ <p>SHE.&#8212;"You are real disagreeable to-night, and I'm sorry I came
+with you."</p>
+ <p>RURAL PERSON.&#8212;"Well, if this is the opery, I don't mind sayin'
+I like it. Susan said I couldn't understand a word of the gibberish
+these opery folks squawked, but it's just as plain as psalm-singing.
+Miss RICHIN and that HERSY gal are just the tallest kind of singers. If
+we had 'em in our choir, the Baptist folks might shut up their
+meetin'-house to wunst."</p>
+ <p>ZIMMERMANN.&#8212;"When are we going to revive the Crook&#8212;did you
+ask? What do we want to revive it for? Isn't the house full enough
+to-night to satisfy anybody?"</p>
+ <p>FRIEND OF THE THEATRE&#8212;"To be sure it is. Stick to this sort of
+thing, and you'll find it will pay better in the end than any amount of
+legs. NIBLO'S is now a respectable theatre. Don't change it into an
+Anatomical Museum."</p>
+ <p>MATADOR.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <center> <img alt="" src="images/122a.jpg">
+ <p><b>AFTER THE BATTLE.</b></p>
+ <p>CARRYING OFF THE WOUNDED.</p>
+ </center>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <center> <img alt="PUNCHINELLO CORRESPONDENCE"
+ src="images/122b.jpg"> </center>
+ <p><b>ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.</b></p>
+ <p><i>A Lover of Music.</i> Our street musicians are growing
+worse and worse. There is a piper who infests the street in which I
+live, and sets my nerves on edge with his horrible droning. What am I
+to do with him?<br>
+ <i>Answer.</i> put him in the waste-piper basket.</p>
+ <p><i>Aunt Carraway.</i> The preparatory schools about which you
+inquire have nothing to do with the reformation of wicked parrots. If
+the language made use of by your parrot is so dreadful that the cats
+have left the house in consequence of it, we are afraid that the bird
+is past reform. Try him with rats, and you may yet be renowned as the
+"female Whittington of the period."</p>
+ <p><i>Rebecca Hazeldown.</i> It was very rude of the young man to
+stare at you through an aquarium, as you say he did. The little fishes
+might have been flirting their tails at the time, however, and it is
+just possible that he might have taken you for one of the flirts.</p>
+ <p><i>A Horseman.</i> After long observation, I am of opinion
+that the sudden collapse which so frequently occurs among omnibus and
+street-car horses, is to be attributed to the stupid but common
+practice of giving them water when they are overheated. Can you assist
+me in putting a stop to this?<br>
+ <i>Answer.</i> We do not see why you should apply to PUNCHINELLO
+in the case. Have we not a Croton BERGH among us?</p>
+ <p><i>Valetudinarian.</i> To furnish you with a list of all the
+patent medicines advertised is quite out of our power. Suppose you
+start out early every morning with your note-book, walk for seven or
+eight miles along the Bloomingdale Road, and make your list from the
+innumerable inscriptions on the rocks in that vicinity. Do this for a
+month or two, and you will not care much about the list when you have
+got it.</p>
+ <p><i>N.E. by S.W.</i> We read that DEMOSTHENES used to put
+pebbles in his mouth, and spout while thus charged, to cure himself of
+thickness of utterance. Suffering from the same defect, I have tried
+the same remedy, but without success. Can you advise me in the matter?<br>
+ <i>Answer.</i> The most learned commentators agree that the
+statement about DEMOSTHENES' putting pebbles in his mouth was only
+figurative, and really meant that, when about to speak in public, he
+used to put a brick in his hat. The same thing is done by many of our
+public speakers of the period&#8212;such as JOHN B. GOUGH, H. GREELEY, ANNA
+DICKINSON, and others. Try it moderately, and it may loosen your tongue.</p>
+ <p><i>Epicurus.</i> Is Worcestershire sauce really the invention
+of an English nobleman?<br>
+ <i>Answer.</i> Yes: he was one of the COOKS or one of the
+BUTLERS, we have forgotten which; but it is certain that he was
+degraded from the peerage for offering some of his sauce to the
+reigning British monarch of his time.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>Complimentary Chromatics</b></p>
+ <p>While all France is Blue with the prospects of the siege of
+Paris, we have constant accounts of the growing ascendency of the Reds.
+We commend this to the nest scientific convention, as an evidence of
+the analogies which prevail in the physical and moral worlds.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>A Sally for Sketchers.</b></p>
+ <p>When an artist visits a picturesque locality, why is the
+proceeding like an undecided prize-fight?</p>
+ <p>Because it results in a draw.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <center> <img alt="" src="images/123.jpg">
+ <p><b>A RASH PROCEEDING.</b></p>
+ <p>WAITING FOR A LIGHT.</p>
+ </center>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>HIRAM GREEN AND FEMALE SUFFRAGE.</b></p>
+ <p>His Experience with the Advocates of the 10th Amendment.</p>
+ <p>On the last eleckshun day, I was servin as Inspecter of
+Eleckshun, when a passil of wimmen, drest partly in men's habiliments,
+walkt up to the ballit box.</p>
+ <p>They was headed by old SARY YOOMANS, who has been an old made
+for more'n 1/2 Sentury.</p>
+ <p>Steppin up close to the railin where votes is put in, Miss
+YOOMANS thus to me did say:&#8212;</p>
+ <p>"Square GREEN, wee've come to cast the soffrige of a
+down-trodden race: Will you receive our votes?"</p>
+ <p>"Not exzactly I wont, my hi toned Greshun benders," was my
+reply.</p>
+ <p>"Do you know who we air, sir?" cride a long, leen, lank,
+rale-fence-lookin femail, whose nose looked as if sheed been sokin it
+in a bladder of black snuff.</p>
+ <p>"Well! sweet wolfs in lambs clothin," said I, puttin on one of
+my shrewed expreshuns, "you look as if you was a lot of, so-called,
+strong-minded femails, who was up to snuff, but, in an endevor to
+scratch somebody bare-boned, you'd lost your footin, and tumbled
+slap-bang into a coal-hole."</p>
+ <p>"We air, sir," says another ethereal-lookin hearthstun
+depopulater, "members of the Skeensboro Sore-eye-siss Society. We
+believe wimmens has got rites, which man won't let her have. We believe
+the ballit is calkilated to raise woman to her proper speer. We believe
+hoop-skirts and side-saddles will soon be numbered among the lost arts.
+We believe SOOZAN B. ANTHONY, E. CADY STANTON, WENDIL FILLIPS, or
+Mister BLACKWELL, are just as capable of bein President of this ere old
+Union, as the best man which ever wore panterloons; and we air bound
+hensforth and forever, one and onseperable, to stand up for our rites,
+if we can only rope in enuff Congressmen to hold our bonnits."</p>
+ <p>Durin the a-4-said bust of elokence, about 75 wimmen was
+holdin ballits for me to take, while others were vilently swingin their
+gingham parasols over my bald head.</p>
+ <p>All seemed as if they was jest bilin over to get their
+clutches about my breethin apparatus. Says I:</p>
+ <p>"Go hum and be femails, and don't make sich tarnal loonatix of
+yourself any longer, gittin mixed up with the body polertick; for sures
+you're born, when woman votes sheel trail her skirts in the dust and
+you cant stop her; when she walks up to the ballit box, and undertakes
+to mix into suthin she don't know no more about, than TILTON and FULTON
+do about the golden rool, then when that air time comes I will exclaim:</p>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"'Oh! woman; where is thy
+stinger.'</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"'Oh! Sore-eye-siss! where 'bouts
+is thy victory?'"</span><br>
+ <p>"What! miserable man, woodest-ist thou deny us the ballit?"
+screemed another femail, as she tore a 2-bushel waterfall from her
+head, and, wildly swingin it in the air, dirty stockins and old clothes
+fell into promiscous heeps all about her.</p>
+ <p>"With all doo respect to the sects," says I, gettin madder and
+madder all the while, "you can jest bet your Sunday close I woodest."</p>
+ <p>"Hard-harted old man, yool rue this day," they all cride in
+Koruss, and the hull lot commenced snivellin, as if their harts was
+busted.</p>
+ <p>"Kind, noble, beautiful sir! we langwish to cast our
+suffrages," says a big fat woman, about the size of a lode of hay, as
+she shoved her ballit under my nose.</p>
+ <p>"Madam," says I, swellin up with accumulated rage, "langwish
+and rip and tare things as much as you mindter&#8212;you cant stuff this ere
+ballit box with illegal votes as long as Ime boss of it&#8212;that's what's
+the matter&#8212;and I want you to understand I mean bizzinezs."</p>
+ <p>At this they all started for the door, remarkin that I was an
+"old fool," "mouskiter," etketary &amp;c.</p>
+ <p>"When the 16th commendment passes," said sweet ELIZER HEMPIHL,
+who is too pooty to be caught in sich company, "we will call for your
+skalp, old man."</p>
+ <p>"Which topnot," was my reply, "wouldent furnish hair enough
+for a false eyebrow."</p>
+ <p>I see they was goin, so I said:&#8212;</p>
+ <p>"My week-minded and misgided femails, hold your hosses a
+minnit, until an old statesman, who has served his country for 4 yeer
+as Gustise of the Peece, says a few remarks to you."</p>
+ <p>"When woman was taken out of man's ribs, it wasent calkilated
+she should lower herself by mixin into such dirty bizziness, as you are
+up to to-day. Woman in her natural element, is jest one of the <i>soothinest</i>
+institutions in this ere land, which flows with milk-punch and
+houey-sope, and what poor miserable critters man would be without her.</p>
+ <p>"Who would nuss our offspring, if it wasent for wimmen?</p>
+ <p>"Who would cheer our fireside, if it wasent for wimmen?</p>
+ <p>"Who would cook our vittles, if it wasent for wimmen?</p>
+ <p>"And who would haul off our butes nites, when we come home
+tired and demoralized, after havin a sett-to with lager-beer and
+sweitzer?</p>
+ <p>"Agin, I remark, if it wasent for woman in her onadulterated
+state, before she had been made a tarnal fool of by these ere
+despoilers of man's happiness, MASKALINE WIMMEN, man would be a poor
+shiftless koot.</p>
+ <p>"Therefore, I say, go hum and resoom your abnormal condition.
+Get back into your own harniss, and don't undertake to assoom the
+bifurkated garments. It haint your forte, no more'n it is some of our
+public offishals to keep from steelin."</p>
+ <p>I rattled away at 'em in this stile, ontil I beheld the last
+pair of femail bifurkaters skoot for home, when I subsided into a
+chair, and with my bandanner hankerchief wiped the perspiration from my
+noble brow.</p>
+ <p>After Ide partially recovered my ekanimity, I agin resoomed my
+offishal duties, but I couldent help thinkin that if wimmen made such a
+confounded hullabalo about votin, as they is now doin, tryin to vote;
+them air leaders, who air goin about the country like Internal Revenoo
+offisers, seekin that they may gobble up somebody, will have a pile to
+anser for, when woman becomes a component part of the body polertick.</p>
+ <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Owe!
+woman, woman, how sweet you be,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">When you're dressed up to kill,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I hope the time ile never see,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">When man's place you all fill.<br>
+ <br>
+ </span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Take the advice of one which
+knows,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">&amp; try to shun the evil,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To see a woman in man's close</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Looks wusser nor the d---l.</span>
+ </div>
+ <p>Which is the opinion of your humbley sarvent,</p>
+ <p>HIRAM GREEN, ESQ.,</p>
+ <p><i>Lait Gustise of the Peece.</i></p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>FRESH FROM THE FLOWERY KINGDOM.</b></p>
+ <p>The world is justly indignant at the accounts of the Chinese
+massacres of the missionaries who have perilled their lives in going so
+far to teach them Christianity. Recently, for example, a young lady
+teacher from Boston was so terribly stoned by some of the unregenerate
+little pig-tailed fiends in Canton, that she died the next day. It is
+dreadful to think how savage the instincts of the heathen are.</p>
+ <p>P.S.&#8212;Since the above was set up in type, MR. PUNCHINELLO has
+learned that the Canton in which this occurrence took place is not in
+China, but is a thriving village in Norfolk county, Massachusetts,
+about eighteen miles from Boston, and that the assailants were
+consequently not pig-tailed heathen, but genuine Christian children,
+who, in a few years, will belong to the cultivated voters of
+Massachusetts. This action, consequently, was not dictated by
+unregenerate barbarism, but was intended simply as a protest (rough, we
+confess, but effectual, we trust) against these new-fangled ideas of
+women's rights. What business have women to be trying to teach? Let
+them stay at home, and if they want to know anything, ask their
+husbands, there; and if they are unmarried, let them wait until they
+get husbands. We must not let our natural gallantry interfere with our
+reverence and respect for the rights of ignorance, which will
+eventually vote.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>A THRICE BLESSED CITY.</b></p>
+ <p>There is a city in Illinois called St. Genevieve. By some
+hocus-pocus known to accomplished politicians, this city has had no
+Mayor since the 4th of June, 1867. In the absence of definite
+information upon the subject, we take it for granted that St. Genevieve
+must be a most delightful place to live in, and specially so, because,
+as we are further informed, they have no Aldermen there either. More
+delightful still, as there is nobody authorized to assess taxes, the
+fortunate inhabitants do not pay any. Of course, if this state of
+primitive bliss could last, Mr. PUNCHINELLO would make immediate
+arrangements to remove to St. Genevieve; but the courts have ordered
+the citizens to elect a Mayor immediately, so that this little heaven
+upon earth will soon have ceased to exist.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <center> <img alt="" src="images/126.jpg">
+ <p><b>LETTING HIM DOWN EASY.</b></p>
+ <p><i>Aspiring Author.</i> "Ah! You have read my essay? I hope
+the verdict is Favorable."</p>
+ <p><i>Editor.</i> "O yes, all Right,&#8212;Acquitted on the ground of
+insanity."</p>
+ </center>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>OUR PORTFOLIO.</b></p>
+ <p><b>The French Republic dying of Gas.&#8212;Good Sense for Gambetta.</b></p>
+ <p>TOURS, SIXTH WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870.</p>
+ <p>Dear PUNCHINELLO:</p>
+ <p>There is gloom everywhere; applications to serve in the ranks
+have diminished, and the price of pocket-handkerchiefs has increased.
+JULES FAVRE writes, under cover of confidence, to the <i>prefect</i>
+here, that since the interview of which I gave you an account he has
+had a severe attack of gumboils, and despairs of softening the heart of
+BISMARCK. I stole the letter for the purpose of copying it, but it was
+stolen from me in turn by a nefarious emissary of the London <i>Times,</i>
+who has not however, dared to use it. The greatest activity is
+manifested in the making of balloons. The administration labors under
+the delusion that gas and oiled silk may yet prove the Palladium of
+French liberty. I have remonstrated unavailingiy against this singular
+infatuation. I held up to the Rump Council now sitting in this city the
+example of VICTOR HUGO as a fearful warning. He came from Guernsey
+under a pressure of gas; he entered Paris with the volatile essence
+oozing from every hair on his head; he loaded the artillery of his
+rhetoric with gas; he blazed, away at the Germans with gas, and yet,
+unable to get rid of such afflatus fast enough, he exploded in the very
+midst of his pyrotechnics, and now lies high and dry on "this bank and
+shoal of time" like a venerable rhinoceros extinguished by its own
+snorting. I am sorry to say it, but the great peril of France at this
+moment is gas. Touching GAMBETTA. Ah! yes, touching GAMBETTA. You may
+have heard that he has issued a proclamation or two. There are depths
+in the soul of a Frenchman, where the inspiration of mighty words
+breeds like "flies in the shambles." Such a soul has GAMBETTA. He is
+all language. If you were to cut him up in little bits and put each
+atom under a microscope, you would find in every molecule the text of
+some proclamation. The genii of syntax and prosody are his guardian
+angels, and the love of "gabble" is the be-all and the end-all of his
+political existence. He loves not GARIBALDI. He would have done
+violence to his grandmother rather than consent to the invitation of
+the Italian liberator. For short, he calls him "GARRY." Standing in
+front of the Hotel de Ville, talking to a group of eager listeners,
+with his arms wildly gesticulating and his nose contemptuously curling
+towards the empyrean, he asks:</p>
+ <p>"Who is this GARRY? What is he? Why is he&#8212;?"</p>
+ <p>"Stop," I calmly interpollate, "profane not the high calling
+of the Italian hero with frivolous conundrums."</p>
+ <p>"Jerk that monster out of my sight!" roared GAMBETTA to a <i>sergent
+de ville</i>, and pointing his long, skinny fore-finger full at me.</p>
+ <p>I turned mournfully upon the crowd, and asked in a plaintive
+tone:&#8212;</p>
+ <p>"You hear what he says. Do lunatic asylums exist in vain? Men
+of Tours, is there a 'jerkist' among you?"</p>
+ <p>They must have observed that my feelings were moved, for they
+came between me and the officer, as if to protect the latter. 'Twas a
+kind movement, but useless; as I couldn't have hurt him.</p>
+ <p>"Monsieur GAMBETTA," I then went on to say, "don't you think
+that this horrible epidemic of gas, that is now filling with its
+deleterious effluvia the brains and the throat of the French
+Government, ought to be stopped? Don't you think, Monsieur GAMBETTA,
+that you, yourself, could cut off your supply-pipe for a while and
+still have enough to light up with on public occasions?"</p>
+ <p>I rested my right fore-finger upon one side of my nose and
+struck an attitude of interrogation while putting these questions. The
+Minister's face turned to an ashen hue, and then the blood came
+coursing back like lava to the Crater's surface, without breaking
+through.</p>
+ <p>"Fiends seize the man, is a minister of France to be insulted
+in his own capital?"</p>
+ <p>"Friend, calm yourself," I said: "Don't let the crabs run
+through your brain like that. Cool off. Take those hot coppers out of
+your pantaloons and fan yourself a little. That's what's the matter
+with France, to-day. You Frenchmen fizzle, and crack, and shoot up into
+the air, and otherwise get away with yourselves so fast, that no wonder
+the Germans can't always find you when they go for you. Take my advice.
+Stop running red-hot pokers down your backs. Drink more Vichy water and
+less brandy. Keep your sky-rockets till next year. Lock your 'language'
+up in the dictionary. Send VICTOR HUGO back to England. Tie a church
+steeple round GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN'S neck, and sink him off Toulon.
+Burn all your proclamations. Throw rhetoric to the dogs. Put a head on
+the government that ain't full of torpedoes. Present a solid front to
+the enemy. Simmer down generally, and talk reason to BISMARCK, and, on
+the honor of PUNCHINELLO, I can solemnly assure you that things won't
+be so 'speckled' as they now are."</p>
+ <p>Saying which, I gathered the drapery of my duster gracefully
+about me, and left.</p>
+ <p>DICK TINTO.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>THE SHE THAT IS TO BE.</b></p>
+ <p>By a Prominent Member of Sorosis.</p>
+ <p>1.</p>
+ <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">&#8212;She
+stood! The hurrying clouds wild drove&#8212;</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">&#8212;The purpling aspect of the
+air...!</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">While her wild contour symbolized</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The Unity of Hope's Despair!</span>
+ </div>
+ <p>2.</p>
+ <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And
+shall not We, when Life's short span,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Enveloping the Yet-To-Be&#8212;</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Smiling candescent?&#8212;Nay?&#8212;Ah! well!</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">BE THAT OUR FUTURE DESTINY!!</span>
+ </div>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>POEMS OF THE CRADLE.</b></p>
+ <p>CANTO XI.</p>
+ <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Little
+Bo-Peep has lost his sheep,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And don't know where to find them.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Let them alone and they'll come
+home,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And bring their tails behind them.</span>
+ </div>
+ <p>The Poet having now advanced so far in his work as to make a
+very respectable collection of poems, and beginning to run short of
+matter, casts his eyes around him in search of aid, hoping to find
+inspiration in some fortuitous moment from the many little incidents
+that are always occurring, and which only observing minds would notice.
+For the time he sees nothing that would suggest even to the most
+sparkling intellect the shadow of a rhyme, and he begins to be in
+despair. He walks up and down his dingy room, thrusts his long fingers
+amid the raven locks that adorn his poetical cranium, and gently at
+first, then furiously, irritates the cuticle of his imaginative
+head-piece, hoping thereby to waken up his ideas and find a foundation
+upon which to erect another stone in the edifice of his never-fading
+glory.</p>
+ <p>This process does not seem to be as successful as usual: the
+ideas refuse to come at his bidding, and he glares around in
+consternation, Can it be possible that he has exhausted himself; that
+his ideas are entirely run out; that the fountain is dry, and the Muse
+has ceased to smile upon him; that he must descend from his high
+elevation as the poet of the family, the hope and pride of his friends
+and the admiration of himself, and sink to the level of his earthy
+brothers and become one of them, no better and no worse? No&#8212;perish the
+thought! never again will he mingle with those rude and vulgar natures,
+having no thoughts or feelings above their creature comforts: content
+to live like animals, uninspired by the divine <i>afflatus</i>,
+untouched by the poetic fire. Full of determined energy never to yield
+the high position he has acquired, he rushes forth into the open air
+and takes his winding way through the green meadows and leafy wilds.
+Here, sitting on the stump of an old tree, he spies little Bob Peepers,
+weeping as if his heart would break: the briny tears coursing down his
+ruddy cheeks form little rivulets of salt water with high embankments
+of genuine soil on either side, and a distracted map of a war-ridden
+country is depicted upon his grief-stricken countenance. Full of
+compassion for the suffering, the tender heart of the Poet melts at the
+sight, and in mellifluous tones he asks, "What is the matter, BUB?"</p>
+ <p>Sobbingly digging his fists into his eyes, and carefully
+wiping his classic nose on the sleeve of his jacket, the heart-broken
+mourner murmurs:&#8212;</p>
+ <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"I've
+lost my sheep,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And don't know where to find
+them,"</span> </div>
+ <p>and bursts forth into a prolonged howl. That heart-rending cry
+of agony is too much for the gentle Poet, who, sinking upon the ground
+beside the weeper, ventures to whisper a hope that Time, or some of the
+neighbors, may bring back the lost sheep and restore happiness and
+tranquillity to the agitated bosom. The suggestion is met with
+incredulous scorn and another burst of uncontrollable sorrow, amid the
+pauses of which Bob recounts to his sympathetic friend how, "being
+wearied with watching the gambolling sheep, he laid himself down in the
+meadow to sleep, and never awoke till a blue-bottle fly, who buzzing
+about so tickled his eye that sleep fled away. Then he rose to his
+feet, and looked around for the gambolling sheep, but found, they were
+gone he couldn't tell where: so he threw himself down in the deepest
+despair, bemoaning his strange unaccountable loss, and the horrible
+beating he'd get from the Boss, when at night he went home with his sad
+tale of woe. He was sure he would never have courage to go."</p>
+ <p>The sad tale so pathetically and ingenuously told melted the
+already simmering heart of the hearer, who counselled tranquillity and
+philosophy in the words</p>
+ <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Let
+them alone and they'll come home,"</span> </div>
+ <p>and jocularly added, as he saw a ray of hope lighting up the
+eye of the boy, like the first rays of the sun seen through a fog,</p>
+ <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"And
+bring their tails behind them."</span> </div>
+ <p>The brilliant idea of their tails coming behind them instead
+of before them tickled the risibilities of the sympathizing friends,
+and for a few moments the woods echoed to their responsive mirth.</p>
+ <p>The laugh did them good. The poet perceived instantly he had a
+theme upon which to build his verse, and hastily bidding BOB "good-by,"
+he flew exultingly to his paternal abode, rushed up the garret stairs,
+seized his goose-quill, and amid the tumultuous beatings of his
+over-charged heart and throbbing brain jotted down on the instant, in
+all the enthusiasm of poetic fervor, the incident that had fallen under
+his inspired observation. Not to be too personal, and still to preserve
+the truthfulness of the history, he dropped a few letters from BOB
+PEEPER'S name, while, with a wonderful accuracy unknown to modern
+writers, he keeps to the subject of his verse, its misery, the remedy
+and result, and facetiously gives to the world the same cause for
+laughter and inspiration that he received so gratefully.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>THE POLITEST NATION IN THE WORLD.</b></p>
+ <p>We had always considered JOHNNY CRAPAUD as the pink of
+politeness. But we are now satisfied that JOHNNY BULL goes ever so far
+ahead of him. We have never known that Frenchman yet, who would oblige
+his enemies by killing himself. But the recent loss of the <i>Captain</i>
+shows that the noble Englishmen are prepared to do this by wholesale.
+One could wish our enemies no worse luck than to have a few such <i>Captains</i>
+given them. And how lavish the expenditure! It takes no end of money to
+get up one of those big iron-plated coffins. It is certainly a
+dramatic, <i>auto-da-f&eacute;</i> and a most obliging act, considered
+with reference to one's possible enemies. No Frenchman ever thought of
+such a thing. In fact, they go no further than positively declining to
+do anything bad with their navy.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <center> <img alt="" src="images/127.jpg">
+ <p><b>FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE.</b></p>
+ <p>"THERE WAS A SURPRISE PARTY AT No. 9,999 TWENTY-THIRD STREET
+LAST EVENING. UPON RETURNING FROM THE OPERA, THE PROPRIETORS FOUND
+THEIR MANSION FULL, OF GUESTS."</p>
+ </center>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>A DRY SETTLEMENT.</b></p>
+ <p>There is a little young village in Denver which rejoices in
+the name of Greeley. To this place came a benevolent bar-keeper,
+bringing a cheerful stock of whiskey. Down upon his grocery came the
+enraged Greeleyites, and to prevent their own stomachs from being
+burned, they burned the building. We can imagine these very particular
+pioneers passing a great variety of the most astonishing laws, with
+various penalties. For chewing tobacco&#8212;one month's imprisonment; for
+subscribing to The <i>N.Y. Evening Post</i>&#8212;death; while for the
+hideous misdemeanor of eating white bread, the offender would be left
+to the pangs of his own indigestion.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>Fact. Fancy, and Fun-ding.</b></p>
+ <p>THE FUNDING BILL, as a step towards making the Erie Canal
+free, should commend itself to any one, since if it becomes a fact, it
+will, we fancy, prevent this noble industrial enterprise from becoming,
+like its first cousin, simply an eyrie for the vultures of finance.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <center> <img alt="" src="images/128.jpg">
+ <p><b>THE LATEST STYLE.</b></p>
+ <p>AS MEN'S CLOTHES ARE CUT HOUR-GLASS FASHION NOW, PUNCHINELLO
+SUGGESTS THE ABOVE PATTERN AS AN APPROPRIATE ONE FOR THEM.</p>
+ </center>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>THE ALARM-BELLE AT RYE.</b></p>
+ <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">At
+Rye, Westchester County, a small town</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Built near the Sound, but of a
+scant renown,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">That always to its biggest size
+did run</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">At summer-time, beneath a blazing
+sun,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But rested as a <i>town</i>, as
+if to say,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"I'll pay no further taxes, come
+what may;"&#8212;</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The ancient cobbler, JOHN,
+unknown to fame</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">(So many cobblers since have
+borne the name),</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Owned the great belle of all that
+country place,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">His daughter, with her tongue and
+lovely face,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who took to soothing every kind
+of pain,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Tramped through the streets,
+dragging a muddy train.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">With kerchief blowed her horn
+both, loud and long.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And talked incessantly of every
+wrong,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Kept her tongue wagging, until
+right was done.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Thus did the daughter of old
+cobbler John.<br>
+ <br>
+ </span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">What mighty good this BERGH of
+that Burgh did.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">While her tongue lasted, she had
+never hid:</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Suffice it that, as all things
+must decay,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The fleshy tongue at length was
+worn away;</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">She mouthed it for a while, and
+people dreamed</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of golden days before this belle
+had screamed.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Loaded and beat their horses at
+their ease.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Drove thorn with, wounded backs
+and broken knees,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Turned turtles over, and e'en
+tortured clams.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Murdered trichin&aelig;, when
+they boiled their hams.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Till one, a doctor, who was
+passing by,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Struck by the horrors going on in
+Rye,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Cut from a calf, that yet was
+very young.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And kindly gave unto the belle, a
+tongue.<br>
+ <br>
+ </span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">By chance it happened that in Rye
+town dwelt.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">A German grocer (and his wife, a
+Celt),</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who loved his lager and his
+pretzels too</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">(His wife was partial to the
+morning dew).</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But, when we fell into these
+troublous times,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He cared for nothing but to save
+his dimes.<br>
+ <br>
+ </span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He had a donkey, that would
+sometimes go.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Just as the donkey chanc'd to
+feel, you know,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Which he would ride, whenever his
+brigade</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Was ordered to the streets for a
+parade;</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But as the times got hard, he'd
+loudly swear</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The oats that donkey ate he could
+not spare.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">At length he said: "I'll turn him
+out, py Gott!"</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Looked at his wife and to her
+said, "Vy not?</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Let him go eat upon the public
+ways,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I want him only for the training
+days."</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">So the poor donkey had to feed on
+thistles.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Until his hair became like unto
+bristles.<br>
+ <br>
+ </span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">One afternoon, when everybody
+slept</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Except the belle, out from her
+house she crept,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And met the donkey, walking on
+the way;</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He smelt the calf and thought to
+have some play.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Kicked up his heels, a grating
+bray did utter.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And laid the belle a-rolling in
+the gutter.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">She raised a mighty shout, she
+raised a squeal.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And loudly her persistent tongue
+did peal,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And this did seem the burden of
+her song:</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Some chap hath done a wrong,
+hath done a wrong!<br>
+ <br>
+ </span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Meanwhile from street and lane a
+noisy crowd"</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Of vagabonds and urchins,
+shouting loud,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Gathered around the poor,
+bedraggled squealer,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Until at length there came a
+stout Rye peeler;</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who forthwith told the belle her
+cries to cease.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And took her to a Justice of the
+Peace.<br>
+ <br>
+ </span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The Justice heard the story of
+the belle,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And looking wise and grave, he
+said: "'Tis well;</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Bring me the old Dutchman." The
+grocer brought,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Shaking with fear, then stood
+before the Court.<br>
+ <br>
+ </span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And then' the Justice to recite
+began</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The charter of the Cruelty to An-</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Imals Society, and then he said:</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Pride rideth on a donkey, as
+I've read,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Until it gets a fall, and then it
+loses</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Its dignity and blubbers o'er its
+bruises.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">These are newspaper proverbs, but
+I fear</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">You don't love proverbs, as you
+do your beer.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Just take that donkey and give
+him an oat,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And don't show up until you've
+brushed his coat."<br>
+ <br>
+ </span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The grocer left disgusted, took
+the brute;</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And all the people then at him
+did hoot.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The cobbler heard and almost
+split his knee</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">[He took it for the lapstone in
+his glee],</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Church bells," quoth he, "but
+ring us to the mass.</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">My belle hath gone and saved a
+starving ass;</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And this shall make, when put in
+jingling rhyme,</span><br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The Belle of Rye all famous for
+all time."</span> </div>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>A CHEERFUL SUBJECT.</b></p>
+ <p>According to an Ohio paper, a double child has been born to a
+couple named FINLEY, in Morrow county. It is, so to speak, a
+double-ender, being provided with a supplementary head at the point
+where the feet are usually situated. The child is a female-and a very
+curious amendment to the Sixteenth Amendment, since, should it arrive
+at woman's estate, it will, of course, be entitled to a double vote.
+How will it be should one end go Republican and the other Democratic?
+To send a duplex woman into the world seems to be a very unnecessary
+freak of Nature, seeing that there is enough of duplicity in womankind
+already.</p>
+ <br>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ <p><b>Homoeopathic Politics.</b></p>
+ <p>THE CITIZENS' ASSOCIATION, finding that their sands of life
+are nearly run out, are now advertising privately for some fresh
+candidates, who for a salary will undertake to cure the ring-worms of
+the body politic by their pimple prescription of substitution, or
+putting yourself in their place, which is a political modification of
+the law in homoeopathic medicine, <i>similie similibus errantur</i>,
+or in morals, "set a rogue to catch a rogue."</p>
+ <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ </tbody>
+</table>
+<table
+ style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"
+ border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0">
+ <tbody>
+ <tr>
+ <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;"> <b><big>CLEARING
+OUT SALE.</big><br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big>A.T. STEWART &amp; CO.</big></big></b><br>
+ <br>
+ <small>ARE OFFERING</small><br>
+ <br>
+UNPRECEDENTED BARGAINS<br>
+ <br>
+IN<br>
+ <br>
+CLOAKS, SACQUES,<br>
+ARABS, TALMAS,<br>
+SHAWLS AND MANTLES,<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><b>Real Astrakhan Cloaks</b></big><br>
+at $20, $22, and $25;<br>
+last year's prices, $40 and $45.<br>
+ <br>
+ <b>CLOTHS, CLOAKINGS,<br>
+VELVETEENS,<br>
+CLOAK SILK VELVETS,<br>
+MILLINERY VELVETS, &amp;c.</b><br>
+ <br>
+ <big>NEW GOODS JUST RECEIVED,</big><br>
+ <br>
+AT PRICES MUCH BELOW THE COST OF THE<br>
+SAME QUALITIES SOLD LAST YEAR.<br>
+ <br>
+ <span style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY, Fourth Ave.,</span><br
+ style="font-weight: bold;">
+ <br style="font-weight: bold;">
+ <span style="font-weight: bold;">9th and 10th Streets.</span><br>
+ </td>
+ <td style="text-align: left;" rowspan="2">
+ <div style="text-align: center;"> <big><big><big><big>PUNCHINELLO.<br>
+ <br>
+ </big></big></big></big><br>
+The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly
+Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public
+in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper
+of the kind ever published in America. </div>
+ <br>
+ <span style="font-weight: bold;">CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL.</span><br>
+ <br>
+Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) ............... $4.00<br>
+ <br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">" " six months, (without
+premium,) .....................................&nbsp;&nbsp;2.00</span><br>
+ <br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">" " three months,
+"&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;.............................................&nbsp;&nbsp;1.00</span><br>
+ <br>
+Single copies mailed free, for
+............................................... .10<br>
+ <br>
+We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG &amp; CO'S<br>
+CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows:<br>
+ <br>
+A copy of paper for one year, and<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">"</span><b
+ style="font-weight: bold;">The Awakening</b><span
+ style="font-weight: bold;">,"</span></big></big> (a Litter of
+Puppies.) Half chromo.<br>
+Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,) for ...................... $4.00<br>
+ <br>
+ <br>
+A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos:<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wild Roses.</span></big></big>
+12-1/8 x 9.<br>
+ <big><big><b>Dead Game</b>.</big></big> 11-1/8 x 8-3/8.<br>
+ <big><big><b>Easter Morning</b>.</big></big> 6-3/4 x 10-1/4&#8212;for
+..................... $5.00<br>
+ <br>
+ <br>
+A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $5.00 chromos:<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>Group of Chickens;<br>
+Group of Ducklings;<br>
+Group of Quails</b>.</big></big><br>
+Each 10 x 12-1/8.<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>The Poultry Yard</b>.</big></big> 10-1/8 x 14<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>The Barefoot Boy;<br>
+Wild Fruit</b>.</big></big> Each 9-3/4 x 13.<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>Pointer and Quail;<br>
+Spaniel and Woodcock</b>.</big></big> 10 x 12&#8212;for ... $6.50<br>
+ <br>
+ <br>
+A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $6.00 chromos:<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>The Baby in Trouble;<br>
+The Unconscious Sleeper;<br>
+The Two Friends</b>. (Dog and Child.)</big></big><br>
+Each 13 x 16-1/4.<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>Spring;<br>
+Summer;<br>
+Autumn;</b><br>
+ </big></big> 12-7/8 x 16-1/8.<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>The Kid's Play Ground</b>.</big></big><br>
+11 x 17-1/2&#8212;for ................. $7.00<br>
+ <br>
+ <br>
+A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $7.50 chromos:<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>Strawberries and Baskets</b>.</big></big><br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b style="font-weight: bold;">Cherries and Baskets</b><span
+ style="font-weight: bold;">.</span></big></big><br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>Currants</b>.</big></big> Each 13 x 18.<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>Horses in a Storm</b>.</big></big> 22-1/4 x 15-1/4.<br>
+ <br>
+ <big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Six Central Park Views. (A
+set.)</big></big><br>
+9-1/8 x 4-1/2&#8212;for ........... $8.00<br>
+ <br>
+ <br>
+A copy of paper for one year and<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>Six American Landscapes</b>. (A set.)</big></big><br>
+4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00&#8212;for
+.............................................. $9.00<br>
+ <br>
+ <br>
+A copy of paper for one year and either of the<br>
+following $10 chromos:<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>Sunset in California</b>.</big></big> (Bierstadt)
+18-1/2 x 12<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>Easter Morning</b>.</big></big> 14 x 21.<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>Corregio's Magdalen</b>.</big></big> 12-1/4 x 16-3/8.<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit</b>.</big></big>
+(Half chromos,)<br>
+15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), for $10.00<br>
+ <br>
+Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on
+New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first
+number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not otherwise ordered.<br>
+ <br>
+Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents
+per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be <i>mailed
+free</i> on receipt of money.<br>
+ <br>
+CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For
+special terms address the Company.<br>
+ <br>
+The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the
+paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any
+one desirous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage
+stamp.<br>
+ <br>
+Address,<br>
+ <br>
+ <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</span><br>
+ <br>
+P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street, New York.<br>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ <tr>
+ <td align="center"><big><big><b>A.T. STEWART &amp; CO.</b></big></big><br>
+ <br>
+OFFER<br>
+ <br>
+ <big>Wide Plaid Poplins</big><br>
+at 25c. and 30c. per Yard,<br>
+recently sold at 85c. and 45c.<br>
+ <br>
+ <big>All Wool Serges</big><br>
+at 40c. per Yard;<br>
+last year's price, $1.<br>
+ <br>
+ <big>High Colored Basket Cloths,</big><br>
+75c. per Yard;<br>
+last year's jobbing price, $1.25.<br>
+ <br>
+ <big>Double Width, all Wool Plaids,<br>
+64 inches wide,</big><br>
+at $1.60 per Yard;<br>
+last year's jobbing price, $2.25.<br>
+ <br>
+ALSO A LARGE LOT OF<br>
+ <br>
+ <big>Heavy High Colored Plaids</big><br>
+at 20c. per Yard.<br>
+ <br>
+The above, with a great variety of other<br>
+choice styles at<br>
+ <br>
+ <big><big><b>Equally Low Prices,</b></big></big><br>
+ <br>
+ARE EXHIBITED IN THE<br>
+CENTRE SECTION<br>
+ <br>
+ON THE 4TH AVE. SIDE.<br>
+ <br>
+STRANGERS, THE RESIDENTS OF THE EASTERN PART OF OUR CITY, AND THOSE OF
+OUR NEIGHBORING CITIES,<br>
+ARE RESPECTFULLY<br>
+INVITED TO EXAMINE.<br>
+ <br>
+ <br>
+ <span style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY, Fourth Ave.,</span><br
+ style="font-weight: bold;">
+ <br style="font-weight: bold;">
+ <span style="font-weight: bold;">9th and 10th Streets.</span><br>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ </tbody>
+</table>
+<table width="800" align="center" border="1" cellpadding="2"
+ cellspacing="0">
+ <tbody>
+ <tr>
+ <td rowspan="3" width="66%">
+ <center> <img alt="" src="images/130a.jpg">
+ <p><b>WHAT WE ARE COMING TO.</b></p>
+ <p><i>Cook (negotiating for situation).</i> "WELL, IT'LL BE
+NICISSARY FOR ME TO HAVE A FOTERGRAFF OF YER WIFE, AND A RICOMMINDATION
+FROM YER LAST COOK."</p>
+ </center>
+ </td>
+ <td align="center">
+ <p><small><small>"THE PRINTING HOUSE OF THE UNITED STATES"</small></small><br>
+AND<br>
+ <small><small>"THE UNITED STATES ENVELOPE MANUFACTORY."</small></small></p>
+ <p><b>GEORGE F. NESBITT &amp; CO</b></p>
+ <p style="font-weight: bold;">163,165,167,169 Pearl St., &amp;
+73,75,77,79 Pine St., New-York.</p>
+ <p><small>Execute all kinds of</small><span
+ style="font-weight: bold;"><br>
+ </span> <b>PRINTING,</b><br>
+ <small>Furnish all kinds of</small><span
+ style="font-weight: bold;"><br>
+ </span> <b>STATIONERY,</b><br>
+ <small>Make all kinds of</small><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br>
+ </span> <b>BLANK BOOKS,<br>
+ </b> <small>&nbsp;Execute the finest styles of</small> <b>LITHOGRAPHY</b><br>
+ <small>Makes the Best and Cheapest<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br>
+ </span></small> <b>ENVELOPES</b><br>
+Ever offered to the Public.</p>
+ <p><small>They have made all the pre-paid Envelopes for the
+United States Post-Office Department for the past 16 years, and have
+INVARIABLY BEEN THE LOWEST BIDDERS. Their Machinery is the most
+complete, rapid and economical known in the trade.</small></p>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ <tr>
+ <td align="center">
+ <p><small>Travelers West and South-West Should<br>
+bear in mind that the</small> <b><br>
+ERIE RAILWAY<br>
+ </b> <small><span style="font-weight: bold;">IS BY FAR THE
+CHEAPEST, QUICKEST, AND MOST COMFORTABLE ROUTE,</span></small></p>
+ <p>Making Direct and Sure Connection at CINCINNATI,<br>
+ <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">with all Lines<br>
+ </span> <b>By Rail or River</b><br>
+ <span style="font-weight: bold;">For NEW ORLEANS, LOUISVILLE,
+MEMPHIS, ST. LOUIS, VICKSBURG, NASHVILLE, MOBILE,</span> <b><br>
+And All Points South and South-west.</b></p>
+ <p><small>Its DRAWING-ROOM and SLEEPING COACHES on all Express
+Trains, running through to Cincinnati without change, are the most
+elegant and spacious used upon any Road in this country, being fitted
+up in the most elaborate manner, and having every modern improvement
+introduced for the comfort of its patrons; running upon the BROAD
+GAUGE; revealing scenery along the Line unequalled upon this Continent,
+and rendering a trip over the <b>ERIE</b>, one of the delights and
+pleasures of this life not to be forgotten.</small></p>
+ <p><small>By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co.,
+Nos. 241, 529 and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 38 Greenwich St.;
+cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 Fulton St., Brooklyn:
+Depots foot of Chambers Street, and foot of 23d St., New York; and the
+Agents at the principal hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket
+they desire, as well as all the necessary information.</small></p>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ <tr>
+ <td align="center">
+ <p><big><b>PUNCHINELLO,</b></big></p>
+ <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">VOL. I, ENDING SEPT. 24,</span><br>
+BOUND IN EXTRA CLOTH,<br>
+IS NOW READY.<br>
+ <span style="font-weight: bold;">PRICE $2.50.</span><br>
+Sent free by any Publisher on receipt of price, or by<br>
+ <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING</span></big>
+COMPANY,<br>
+ <span style="font-weight: bold;">83 Nassau Street, New York.</span></p>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ </tbody>
+</table>
+<table
+ style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"
+ border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0">
+ <tbody>
+ <tr>
+ <td align="center"> THE NEW STORE OF LORD &amp; TAYLOR,<br>
+ <p><b>Cor. of Broadway &amp; Twentieth Street, New York.</b></p>
+ <p>This superb building will be devoted to retail purposes, <img
+ alt="" align="right" src="images/130b.jpg"> where every description of
+dry-goods, from the necessary and convenient to the most elegant and
+fashionable, will attract a multitudinous throng, and add even a new
+attraction to the brilliancy of Broadway in the most delightful part of
+the thoroughfare. Besides an immense trade extending to all parts of
+the United States, LORD &amp; TAYLOR deal largely in carpets and
+oil-cloths, in upholstery and house furnishing goods, and especially in
+trousseaux, cloaks, and ladies' furnishing goods of all kinds, in
+which, perhaps, their business is heavier than that of any other house
+in the city. The furnishing of hotels and steamboats is one of their
+specialties. The headquarters of their wholesale trade is at the old
+Broadway and Grand street store, while their stock of carpets and
+oil-cloths is mainly limited to the Grand and Chrystie street
+establishment. Since the organization of the firm, five partners have
+retired with fortunes, to make room for younger men, thus affording
+opportunities for others to profit by the experience and success of the
+house. These changes have also had the effect to maintain the original
+vigor of the firm without detaching from the maturity of judgment that
+has marked its operations. Some idea of the magnitude of the business
+of the house may be inferred from the fact that the pay-roll contains
+the names of more than 1,000 persons.</p>
+ </td>
+ </tr>
+ </tbody>
+</table>
+<br>
+<center>GEO. W. WHEAT & CO, PRINTERS, No. 8 SPRUCE STREET.<br></center>
+<br>
+
+<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10106 ***</div>
+</body>
+</html>
+
+
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