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diff --git a/old/10092-h/10092-h.htm b/old/10092-h/10092-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..36c9178 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10092-h/10092-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2527 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> + <title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of PUNCHINELLO Vol. II, No. 30.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + * { font-family: Times;} + HR { width: 33%; } + // --> + </style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello Vol. II., No. 30, October 22, +1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello Vol. II., No. 30, October 22, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: November 15, 2003 [EBook #10092] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELL 30 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +</pre> + +<table width="800" border="1" align="center" cellpadding="3" + cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p><b><big><big>CONANT'S</big></big><br> + </b></p> + <p>PATENT BINDERS FOR</p> + <p> <big><big><b>"PUNCHINELLO",</b></big></big></p> + <p>to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent post-paid, on +receipt of One Dollar,</p> + <p> by</p> + <p><b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,<br> + </b></p> + <p><b>83 Nassau Street, New York City.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p><big><big>We will Mail Free</big></big></p> + <p><small>A COVER</small><br> + <b>Lettered & Stamped,</b><br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <b>with New Title Page<br> + <br> + </b> <small>FOR BINDING<br> + <br> + </small> <b>FIRST VOLUME,</b></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">On Receipt of 50 Cents,</p> + <p><small>OR THE</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">TITLE PAGE ALONE, FREE,</p> + <p><small>On application to</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</p> + <b>83 Nassau Street.</b> </center> + </td> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>STEEL PENS.</big></big></big></p> + <p>These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and cheaper +than any other Pen in the market. Special attention is called to the +following grades, as being better suited for business purposes than any +Pen manufactured. The</p> + <p><b>"505," "22,"</b> and the <b>"Anti-Corrosive."</b></p> + <p>We recommend for bank and office use.</p> + <p><b>D. APPLETON & CO.,</b> <b><br> +Sole Agents for United States.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table width="800" border="0" align="center" cellpadding="3" + cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <center> <br> + <br> + <img src="images/49.jpg" alt=""><br> + <h1>PUNCHINELLO</h1> + <h2>Vol. II. No. 30.</h2> + <p>SATURDAY, OCTOBER 22, 1870.</p> + <br> + <h3>PUBLISHED BY THE</h3> + <br> + <h3>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</h3> + <br> + <br> + <h4>83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.</h4> + </center> + <br> + <br> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small>THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD,</small></p> + <p>As an Adaptation of the Original English version, was +concluded in the last Number.<br> +The remaining portion will be continued as Original,</p> + <p>By ORPHEUS C. KERR,</p> + <p>Commencing with the present issue.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small>See 15th page for Extra Premiums.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<br> +<table + style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" + border="1" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td rowspan="6" style="width: 30%;"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>Bound Volume<br> + </big></big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>No. 1.</big><br> + </big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><br> + </big></big></p> + <p><small>The first volume of PUNCHINELLO, ending with No. 26, +September 24, 1870,<br> + <br> + </small></p> + <p><b><big><big>Bound in Fine Cloth,</big></big><br> + </b></p> + <p><b><br> + </b></p> + <p><small>will be ready for delivery on Oct. 1, 1870.</small></p> + <p><b>PRICE $2.50.</b></p> + <p>Sent postpaid to any part of the United States on receipt of +price.</p> + <br> + <p>A copy of the paper for one year, from October 1st, No. 27, +and the Bound Volume (the latter prepaid,) will be sent to any +subscriber for $5.50.</p> + <br> + <p>Three copies for one year, and three Bound Volumes, with an +extra copy of Bound Volume, to any person sending us three +subscriptions for $16.50.</p> + <p><b>One copy of paper for one year, with a fine chromo premium, +for------ $4.00<br> + <br> + </b></p> + <p><b>Single copies, mailed free .10<br> + <br> + </b></p> + <p>Back numbers can always be supplied, as the paper is +electrotyped.</p> + <p><br> +Book canvassers will find<br> +this volume a</p> + <p><b>Very Saleable Book.</b></p> + <p>Orders supplied at a very liberal discount.</p> + <p>All remittances should be made in</p> + <p>Post Office orders.</p> + <p>Canvassers wanted for the paper,</p> + <p>everywhere.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Address,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Punchinello Publishing Co.,</big></p> + <p><big>83 NASSAU ST.,<br> + </big></p> + <p><big>N. Y.</big></p> + <p><big>P.O. Box No, 2783.</big></p> + </center> + </td> + <td style="text-align: center;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small style="font-weight: normal;">APPLICATIONS +FOR ADVERTISING IN</small><br> + <big><big>"PUNCHINELLO"</big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small style="font-weight: normal;">SHOULD +BE ADDRESSED TO</small><br> +JOHN NICKINSON,</p> + <p>Room No. 4,</p> + <p><b>No. 83 Nassau Street, N.Y.</b></p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p><b><big><big>FOLEY'S</big></big><br> + <big><big><big>GOLD PENS.</big></big></big></b><br> +THE BEST AND CHEAPEST.<br> + <b>256 BROADWAY.</b></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;"> + <p><b>TO NEWS-DEALERS.</b></p> + <p><big><b>Punchinello's Monthly.</b></big></p> + <p><small>The Weekly Numbers for August,</small></p> + <p><b>Bound in a Handsome Cover,</b></p> + <p>Is now ready. Price, Fifty Cents.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">THE TRADE</p> + <p>Supplied by the</p> + <p><b>AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY,</b></p> + <p><small>Who are now prepared to receive Orders.</small></p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>FORST & AVERELL</big></big></p> + <p>Steam, Lithograph, and Letter Press</p> + <p><big><big>PRINTERS,</big></big><br> + <b>EMBOSSERS, ENGRAVERS, AND LABEL MANUFACTURERS.</b></p> + <p><small>Sketches and Estimates furnished upon application.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><b>23 Platt Street, and 20-22 Gold +Street,</b><br> +NEW YORK.<br> +[P.O. BOX 2845.]</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><big>Bowling Green Savings-Bank<br> + </big></p> + <p><br> +33 BROADWAY,</p> + <p><b>NEW YORK</b>.</p> + <p>Open Every Day from</p> + <p>10 A.M. to 3 P.M.</p> + <p><small><i>Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents<br> +to Ten Thousand Dollars will be received</i>.</small></p> + <p><b>Six per Cent interest,<br> +Free of Government Tax</b></p> + <p><small>INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS<br> +Commences on the First of every Month.<br> + </small></p> + <p><small><br> + </small></p> + <p>HENRY SMITH, <i>President<br> + <br> + </i> REEVES E. SELMES, <i>Secretary</i>.</p> + <p>WALTER ROCHE,<br> +EDWARD HOGAN,<br> + <i>Vice-Presidents</i>.</p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">The only Journal of its kind in +America!!</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>THE AMERICAN CHEMIST:</big></p> + <p><b>A MONTHLY JOURNAL</b><br> + <small>OF</small><br> + <small>THEORETICAL, ANALYTICAL AND TECHNICAL CHEMISTRY.</small></p> + <p><small>DEVOTED ESPECIALLY TO AMERICAN INTERESTS.</small></p> + <p><small>EDITED BY<br> +Chas. F. Chandler, Ph.D., & W.H. Chandler.</small></p> + <p><small>The Proprietors and Publishers of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST, +having purchased the subscription list and stock of the American +reprint of the CHEMICAL NEWS, have decided to advance the interests of +the American Chemical Science by the publication of a Journal which +shall be a medium of communication for all practical, thinking, +experimenting, and manufacturing scientific men throughout the country.</small></p> + <p><small>The columns of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST are open for the +reception of original articles from any part of the country, subject to +approval of the editor. Letters of inquiry on any points of interest +within the scope of the Journal will receive prompt attention.</small></p> + <p><b>THE AMERICAN CHEMIST</b></p> + <p>Is a Journal of especial interest to</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">SCHOOLS AND MEN OF SCIENCE, TO +COLLEGES, APOTHECARIES, DRUGGISTS, PHYSICIANS, ASSAYERS, DYERS, +PHOTOGRAPHERS, MANUFACTURERS,</p> + <p>And all concerned in scientific pursuits.</p> + <p><b>Subscription, $5.00 per annum, in advance; 50 cts. per +number. Specimen copies, 25 cts.</b></p> + <p>Address WILLIAM BALDWIN & CO.,<br> +Publishers and Proprieters<br> +424 Broome Street, New York</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center" rowspan="3"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">J. NICKINSON</p> + <p>begs to announce to the friends of</p> + <p><b>"PUNCHINELLO,"</b></p> + <p><small>residing in the country, that, for their convenience, +he has made arrangements by which, on receipt of the price of</small></p> + <p><b>ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED,</b></p> + <p><small>the same will be forwarded, postage paid.</small></p> + <p><small>Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our Publishing +Houses, can have the same forwarded by inclosing two stamps.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">OFFICE OF</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</p> + <p>83 Nassau Street.</p> + <p>[P.O. Box 2783.]</p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p><big><b>WEVILL & HAMMAR</b>,</big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>Wood Engravers,</big></big></p> + <p><b>208 Broadway</b>,</p> + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><b>GEO. B. BOWLEND</b>,</p> + <p><big><big>Draughtsman & Designer</big></big></p> + <p><b>No. 160 Fulton Street</b>,</p> + <p>Room No. 11,</p> + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><big><b>HENRY L. STEPHENS</b>,</big></p> + <p><b>ARTIST</b>,</p> + <p><b>No. 160 FULTON STREET</b>,</p> + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table width="800" align="center"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> + <p><small>Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year +1870, by the PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,<br> +in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States, for +the Southern District of New York.</small></p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD.</p> + <p>AN ADAPTATION.</p> + <p>BY ORPHEUS C. KERR.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">CHAPTER XXIV.</p> + <p>MR. CLEWS AT HIS NOVEL.<a name="FNanchor1"></a><a + href="#Footnote_1"><sup>[1]</sup></a></p> + <p>Thrown into Rembrandtish relief by the light of a garish +kerosene lamp upon the table: with one discouraged lock of hair hanging +over his nose, and straw hat pushed so far back from his phrenological +brow that its vast rim had the fine artistic effect of a huge saintly +nimbus: Mr. BUMSTEAD sat gynmastically crosswise in an easy-chair, over +an arm of which his slender lower limbs limply dangled, and elaborately +performed one of the grander works of BACH upon an irritable accordion. +Now, winking with intense rapidity, and going through the muscular +motions of an excitable person resolutely pulling out an obstinate and +inexplicable drawer from somewhere about his knees, he produced +sustained and mournful notes, as of canine distress in the backyard; +anon, with eyes nearly closed and the straw nimbus sliding still +further back, his manipulation was that of an excessively weary +gentleman slowly compressing a large sponge, thereby squeezing out +certain choking, snorting, guttural sounds, as of a class softly +studying the German language in another room; and, finally, with an +impatient start from the unexpected slumber into which the last shaky <i>pianissimo</i> +had momentarily betrayed him, he caught the untamed instrument in +mid-air, just as it was treacherously getting away from him, +frantically balanced it there for an instant on all his clutching +finger-tips, and had it prisoner again for a renewal of the weird +symphony.</p> + <p>Seriously offended at the discovery that he could not drop +asleep in his own room, for a minute, without the music stopping and +the accordion trying to slip off, the Ritualistic organist was not at +all softened in temper by almost simultaneously realizing that the +farther skirt of his long linen coat was standing out nearly straight +from his person, and, apparently, fluttering in a heavy draught.</p> + <p> "Who's-been-ope'nin'-th'-window?" he sternly asked, +"What's-meaning-'f-such-a-gale-at thistime-'f-year?"</p> + <p>"Do I intrude?" inquired a voice close at hand.</p> + <p>Looking very carefully along the still extended skirt of his +coat towards exactly the point of the compass from which the voice +seemed to come, Mr. BUMSTEAD at last awoke to the conviction that the +tension of his garment and its breezy agitation were caused by the +tugging of a human figure.</p> + <p>"Do I intrude?" repeated Mr. TRACEY CLEWS, dropping the skirt +as he spoke. "Have I presumed too greatly in coming to request the +favor of a short private interview?"</p> + <p>Slipping quickly into a more genteel but rather rigid position +on his chair, the Ritualistic organist made an airy pass at him with +the accordion.</p> + <p>"Any doors where youwasborn, sir?"</p> + <p>"There were, Mr. BUMSTEAD."</p> + <p>"People ever knock when th' wanted t'-come-in, sir?"</p> + <p>"Why, I did knock at your door," answered Mr. CLEWS, +conciliatingly. "I knocked and knocked, but you kept on playing; and +after I finally took the liberty to come in and pull you by the coat, +it was ten minutes before you found it out."</p> + <p>In an attempt to look into the speaker's inmost soul, Mr. +BUMSTEAD fell into a doze, from which the crash of his accordion to the +floor aroused him in time to behold a very curious proceeding on the +part of Mr. CLEWS. That gentleman successively peered up the chimney, +through the windows, and under the furniture of the room, and then +stealthily took a seat near his rather languid observer.</p> + <p>"Mr. BUMSTEAD, you know me as a temporary boarder under the +same roof with you. Other people know me merely as a dead-beat. May I +trust you with a secret?"</p> + <p>A pair of blurred and glassy eyes looked into his from under a +huge straw hat, and a husky question followed his:</p> + <p>"Did y' ever read WORDSWORTH'S poem-'f-th' Excursion, sir?"</p> + <p>"Not that I remember."</p> + <p>"Then, sir," exclaimed the organist, with spasmodic +animation—"then's not in your hicsperience to know howssleepy-I +am-jus'-now."</p> + <p>"You had a nephew," said his subtle companion, raising his +voice, and not appearing to heed the last remark.</p> + <p>"An' 'numbrella," added Mr. BUMSTEAD, feebly.</p> + <p>"I say you had a nephew," reiterated the other, "and that +nephew disappeared in a very mysterious manner. Now I'm a literary man—"</p> + <p>"C'd tell that by y'r-headerhair," murmured the Ritualistic +organist. Left y'r wife yet, sir?"</p> + <p>"I say I'm a literary man," persisted TRACEY CLEWS, sharply. +"I'm going to write a great American Novel, called 'The Amateur +Detective,' founded upon the story of this very EDWIN DROOD, and have +come to Bumsteadville to get all the particulars. I've picked up +considerable from Gospeler SIMPSON, JOHN MCLAUGHLIN, and even the woman +from the Mulberry street place who came after you the other morning. +But now I want to know something from you.—What has become of your +nephew?"</p> + <p>He put the question suddenly, and with a kind of suppressed +leap at him whom he addressed. Immeasurable was his surprise at the +perfectly calm answer—</p> + <p>"I can't r'member hicsactly, sir."</p> + <p>"Can't remember!—Can't remember what?"</p> + <p>"Where-I-put't."</p> + <p>"<i>It?</i>"</p> + <p>"Yes. Th' umbrella."</p> + <p>"What on earth are you talking about?" exclaimed Mr. CLEWS, in +a rage. "—Come! Wake up!—What have umbrellas to do with this?"</p> + <p>Rousing himself to something like temporary consciousness, Mr. +BUMSTEAD slowly climbed to his feet, and, with a wild kind of swoop, +came heavily down with both hands upon the shoulders of his questioner.</p> + <p>"What now?" asked that startled personage.</p> + <p>"You want t' know 'bout th' umbrella?" said BUMSTEAD, with +straw hat amazingly awry, and linen coat a perfect map of creases.</p> + <p>"Yes!—You're crushing me!" panted Mr. CLEWS.</p> + <p>"Th' umbrella!" cried Mr. BUMSTEAD, suddenly withdrawing his +hands and swaying before his visitor like a linen person on +springs—"This's what there's 'bout 't: <i>Where th' umbrella is, there +is Edwin also!</i>"</p> + <p>Astounded by, this bewildering confession, and fearful that +the uncle of Mr. DROOD would be back in his chair and asleep again if +he gave him a chance, the excited inquisitor sprang from his chair, and +slowly and carefully backed the wildly glaring object of his +solicitation until his shoulders and elbows were safely braced against +the mantel-piece. Then, like one inspired, he grasped a bottle of soda +water from the table, and forced the reviving liquid down his staring +patient's throat; as quickly tore off his straw hat, newly moistened +the damp sponge in it at a neighboring washstand, and replaced both on +the aching head; and, finally, placed in one of his tremulous hands a +few cloves from a saucer on the mantel-shelf.</p> + <p>"You are better now? You can tell me more?" he said, resting a +moment from his violent exertions.</p> + <p>With the unsettled air of one coming out of a complicated +dream, Mr. BUMSTEAD chewed the cloves musingly; then, after nodding +excessively, with a hideous smile upon his countenance, suddenly threw +an arm about the neck of his restorer and wept loudly upon his bosom.</p> + <p>"My fr'en'," he wailed, in a damp voice, "lemme confess to +you. I'm a mis'able man, my fr'en'; perfectly mis'able. These +cloves—these insidious tropical spices—have been thebaneofmyexistence. +On Chrishm's night—<i>that</i> Chrishm's night—I toogtoomany. +Wha'scons'q'nce? I put m' nephew an' m' umbrella away somewhere, an 've +neverb'n able terremembersince!"</p> + <p>Still sustaining his weight, the author of "The Amateur +Detective" at first seemed nonplussed; but quickly changed his +expression to one of abrupt intelligence.</p> + <p>"I see, now; I begin to see," he answered, slowly, and almost +in a whisper. "On the night of that Christmas dinner here, you were in +a clove-trance, and made some secret disposition, (which you have not +since been able to remember,) of your umbrella—and nephew. Until very +lately—until now, when you are nearly, but <i>not quite</i>, as much +under the influence of cloves again—you have had a vague general idea +that somebody else must have killed Mr. DROOD and stolen your umbrella. +But now, that you are partially in the same condition, physiologically +and psychologically, as on the night of the disappearance, you have +once more a partial perception of what were the facts of the case. Am I +right?"</p> + <p>"That's it, sir. You're a ph'los'pher," murmured Mr. BUMSTEAD, +trying to brush from above his nose the pendent lock of hair, which he +took for a fly.</p> + <p>"Very well, then," continued TRACEY CLEWS, his extraordinary +head of hair fairly bristling with electrical animation: "You've only +to get yourself into <i>exactly the same</i> clove-y condition as on +the night of the double disappearance, when you put your umbrella and +nephew away somewhere, and you'll remember all about it again. You have +two distinct states of existence, you see: a cloven one, and an +uncloven one; and what you have done in one you are totally oblivious +of in the other."</p> + <p>Something like an occult wink trembled for a moment in the +right eye of Mr. BUMSTEAD.</p> + <p>"Tha's ver' true," said he, thoughtfully. "I've been 'blivious +m'self, frequently. Never c'd r'member wharIowed."</p> + <p>"The idea I've suggested to you for the solution of this +mystery," went on Mr. CLEWS, "Is expressed by one of the greatest of +English writers; who, in his very last work, says; '—in some cases of +drunkenness, and in others of animal magnetism, there are two states of +consciousness which never clash, but each of which pursues its separate +course as though it were continuous instead of broken. Thus, if I hide +my watch when I am drunk, I must be drunk again before I can remember +where.'<a name="FNanchor2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2"><sup>[2]</sup></a>"</p> + <p>"I'm norradrink'n'man, sir," returned Mr. BUMSTEAD, drawing +coldly back from him, and escaping a fall into the fireplace by a +dexterous surge into the nearest chair. "Th' lemon tea which I take for +my cold, or to pr'vent the cloves from disagreeing with me, is +norrintoxicating."</p> + <p>"Of course not," assented his subtle counsellor; "but, in this +country, at least, chronic inebriation, clove-eating, and even +opium-taking, are strikingly alike in their aspects, and the same rules +may be safely applied to all. My advice to you is what I have given. +Cause a table to be spread in this room, exactly as it was for that +memorable Christmas-dinner; sit down to it exactly as then, and at the +same hour; go through all the same processes as nearly as you can +remember; and, by the mere force of association, you will enact all the +final performances with your umbrella and your nephew."</p> + <p>Mr. BUMSTEAD'S arms were folded tightly across his manly +breast, and the fine head with the straw hat upon it tilted heavily +towards his bosom.</p> + <p>"I see't now," said he softly; "bone han'le 'n ferule. I +r'member threshing 'm with it. I can r'memb'r carry'ng—" Here Mr. +BUMSTEAD burst into tears, and made a frenzied dash at the lock of hair +which he again mistook for a fly.</p> + <p>"To sum up all," concluded Mr. TRACEY CLEWS, shaking him +violently by the shoulder, that he might remain awake long enough to +hear it,—"to sum up all, I am satisfied, from the familiar knowledge of +this mystery I have already gained, that the end will have something to +do with exercise in the Open Air! You'll have to go outdoors for +something important. And now good night."</p> + <p>"Goornight, sir."</p> + <p>Retiring softly to his own room, under the same roof, the +author of "The Amateur Detective" smiled at himself before the mirror +with marked complacency. "You're a long-headed one, my dead-beat +friend," he said, archly, "and your great American Novel is likely to +be a respectable success."</p> + <p>There sounded a crash upon a floor, somewhere in the house, +and he held his breath to listen. It was the Ritualistic organist going +to bed.</p> + <p>(<i>To be Continued.</i>)</p> + <br> + <p><a name="Footnote_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor1">[1]</a></p> + <blockquote> The few remaining chapters with which it is proposed +to conclude this Adaptation of "<i>The Mystery of Edwin Drood</i>," +should not be construed as involving presumptuous attempt to divine +that full solution of the latter which the pen of its lamented author +was not permitted to reach. No further correspondence with the tenor of +the unfinished English story is intended than the Adapter will endeavor +to justify to his own conscience, and that of his reader, by at least +one unmistakable foreshadowing circumstance of the original +publication, which, strangely enough, has been wholly overlooked, thus +far, by those speculating upon the fate of the missing hero. </blockquote> + <p><a name="Footnote_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor2">[2]</a></p> + <blockquote> See Chapter III., <i>The Mystery of Edwin Drood.</i> + </blockquote> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>An Old Saw with a Modern Instance.</b></p> + <p>The Farthing Candle of New York journalism appears to be +trying to find what political party he can best bully into offering the +largest reward for his conscientious support. As a looker on, +PUNCHINELLO would suggest to the political parties, as applicable in +this case, the following quotation from VIRGIL:</p> + <p style="margin-left: 40px;"> ——"<i>timeo Dana-os et dona +ferentes</i>."</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>SOME TRAITS OF THE CHINESE.</b></p> + <p><img src="images/52.jpg" align="left" alt="O">f all human +races, next to the monkies, the Mongolians are the most imitative. They +are only a little lower than the monkies in this respect, and we have +seen some trained ones that could successfully compete with the Simians +on their own ground.</p> + <p>A Chinaman employed in the North Adams shoe factory, for +instance, was asked to imitate exactly a boot of a particular style, +which was shown to him. After a few trials, he imitated the boot so +perfectly, that a customer who came in took him to be the fellow of it, +and was not undeceived until he went to try him on. No wonder that the +regular Crispins are jealous of a foreign cordwainer who can do this.</p> + <p>In the art of dress-making for ladies the Chinese display +wonderful skill. Their taste and inventiveness in this branch are +unrivalled even by the best French <i>modistes</i>. The <i>panier</i> +with which it pleases the ladies of the period to protuberate their +persons was of Chinese origin. It was revealed in an opium dream to a +celebrated male mantua-maker of Pekin, who sold the idea to a +Yankee-Notions man travelling in China for a Paris house. The inventor +was so chagrined at hearing afterwards of the immense fortune realized +from it by the man of the West, that he committed suicide by hanging +himself on a willow-pattern plate.</p> + <p>Although the Chinaman does not naturally possess an ear for +music, according to our standard, yet his imitative power enables him +to adapt himself very readily to the production of melody. One of the +Coolies employed in the great HERVEY wash-house at South Belleville, +N.J., was observed to watch with great interest an itinerant performer +on the accordion. Shortly afterwards, catching up a sucking-pig by the +tail and snout, he manipulated it precisely as the player did the +accordion, producing—accordion to the testimony of several credible +witnesses,—strains quite as good as, if not worse than, those drawn out +by that musician.</p> + <p>As soon as the 200,000 Chinamen ordered by Mynheer +KOOPMAN-SCHOOP arrive in this country, a good business can be driven by +Yankee toothpick makers in supplying them with chopsticks. This word +was originally "stop-chick," being so called from the use occasionally +made of it by Chinamen for knocking down young poultry. It became +corrupted, like everything that is good and pure, by contact with +extreme civilization. Anybody who can make a shoe-peg or wooden +toothpick can make a chopstick. It is to be hoped that the chopstick +may ultimately be adopted here instead of the knife and fork. It would +preclude the possibility of people carrying their food into their +mouths with the knife—an outrage so commonly to be remarked at hotel +tables.</p> + <p>A very intelligent Chinaman told the writer, not long since, +that there is absolutely nothing to be seen or heard of in this country +that the Chinese were not familiar with several thousand years ago. +Among them he enumerated target-companies, sewing-machines, patent +baby-jumpers, nitro-glycerine, shoo-fly chewing-tobacco, wooden hams, +stuffed ballot-boxes, and a hundred other things which we are prone to +brag of as being purely Yankee and original. We are too conceited about +ourselves, by a great deal, and it is good for us that even Chinese +shoemakers should come here once in a while, to "take us out of our +boots."</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>A Midnight Reflection.</b></p> + <p>The man who commits suicide may be said to show his contempt +for the hollowness of the world by putting his foot in it.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img src="images/53.jpg" alt=""> + <p><i>Gentleman, (reading.)</i> "THE MILITARY AUTHORITIES OF +PARIS HAVE CUT DOWN AND UTTERLY DESTROYED THE BOIS DE BOULOGNE."</p> + <p><i>Old Lady.</i> "POOR BOYS!—AND TO THINK WHAT THEIR DEAR +MOTHERS MUST SUFFER!"</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>NAPOLEON'S CORRESPONDENCE.</b></p> + <p>The following letters were yesterday discovered among the +private papers of the late Emperor—L.N. BONAPARTE. They were instantly +forwarded to us by our special correspondent. They will be used +to-morrow in a mutilated form by less enterprising journals, such as +the <i>Tribune</i> and its partners of the Associated Press.</p> + <hr style="height: 2px; width: 10%;"> + <p style="margin-left: 40px;">"NEW YORK, May 10, 1860.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"></div> + <p style="margin-left: 40px;">"DEAR EMPEROR: I am thinking of +writing a biography of you, in the same style as my biography of your +Uncle. I shall want to prove that you were never in New York, that you +behaved with perfect propriety while you were here, and that you are +humble, unambitious, and deeply religious. This will not be a difficult +matter, after the success I have made in the case of your Uncle. Still, +I shall want a fact or two in the book. Can you not supply me with +them? Any small favor you may think fit to send me may be directed to +my usual address.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"></div> + <p style="margin-left: 40px;">"Yours for truth and justice, +J.S.C.A.B.B.O.T.T."</p> + <hr style="height: 2px; width: 10%;"> + <p style="margin-left: 40px;">"CLICHY PRISON.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"></div> + <p style="margin-left: 40px;">"VILLAIN AND USURPER! Your minions +have incarcerated me in this vile den on a pretence that I owe a debt +which I have not paid. They lie, wilfully and malignantly. I always pay +my debts. Ask SEWARD if I do not. He remembers how I paid him the +little debt I owed him, when I defeated his Presidential aspirations. +Release me at once, or the <i>Tribune</i> will show your rotten Empire +no mercy. If I am at liberty this evening I will send you a prize +strawberry plant, and a copy of my work on political economy. If I am +not at liberty by the time mentioned, beware. SMALLEY shall be sent to +Paris as the <i>Tribune</i>'s special correspondent, and you'll see +the sort of news about your infamous court that he'll be instructed to +send home.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"></div> + <p style="margin-left: 40px;">"Yours Profanely, H.G."</p> + <hr style="height: 2px; width: 10%;"> + <p style="margin-left: 40px;">"BERLIN, July 1, 1870.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"></div> + <p style="margin-left: 40px;">"To THE EMPEROR OF THE FRENCH: His +Majesty, the King, instructs me to say that he shall do just as he +pleases in all affairs public and private. He advises you to attend to +your own affairs, and if you have any more propositions for stealing +other people's territory, to address them to Russia, or the United +States. Prussia is not at present in that line of business. BISMARCK."</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"></div> + <p style="margin-left: 40px;">"BUREAU OF POLICE, Jan. 1, 1870.</p> + <hr style="height: 2px; width: 10%;"> + <p style="margin-left: 40px;">TO HIS MAJESTY, THE EMPEROR—SIRE: I +beg leave to report that M. ROCHEFORT demands the sum of 1,000,000 +francs, to be paid at once. Otherwise be will continue to be a patriot, +and will abuse Her Majesty, the Empress, with more violence than ever. +Both M. ROCHEFORT and M. FLOURENS are much enraged since their annual +stipend has been discontinued.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"></div> + <p style="margin-left: 40px;">PIETRI, <i>Chief of Police</i>."</p> + <hr style="height: 2px; width: 10%;"> + <p>Other selections from the Imperial correspondence will be +shortly laid before our readers. Remember, the only genuine letters are +those in PUNCHINELLO. All others are garbled forgeries.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Roma! Roma! non e plu com' ora Prima.</b></p> + <p>With the downfall of the Pope's temporal power, comes the +report that several newspapers have been established in the Eternal +City. Thus the "great world spins forever down the ringing grooves of +change." For Papal Infallibility, the Romans will have that of the +editorial WE; for the canons of the Church Militant they will have +ubiquitous reporters discharging themselves in the public ear; the +testimony of the pillars of the Church will be replaced by the +assertions of the editorial columns; the Inquisition will become a +press club-house for Reporters and Interviewers, and the Propaganda an +office where 'extras' are concocted and forced on the unsuspecting +public. At least let us hope that the change will offer a reputable +business for the army of beggars which has formerly been licensed by +the church. A chance will now be offered them to become newspaper +agents, thus making a living respectably by selling accounts of other +people's deformities, instead of disreputably by exhibiting their own.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>A CAPITOL MOVE.</b></p> + <p>The immediate probability of the formation of the United +States of Europe, suggests how wise we were not to change the location +of the Capitol to some facetiously distant western metropolis of the +future. The Capitol buildings are quite large enough to receive the +delegates who will of course come on here to study the art of +log-rolling, while the Chesapeake, being navigable almost to the +Capitol steps, will save them the fatigue of a luxurious journey in the +palace sleeping cars.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Sublunary Observations of the Sun.</b></p> + <p>From a careful analysis of the daily appearance of the <i>Sun</i>, +it has been satisfactorily settled that it is completely enveloped in +gas. By the application of the literary spectrum, it is also shown that +this gaseous vaporization is the result of brass in a high state of +incandescence, while the indications of alkalies, and, in fact, all +kinds of lies, are no less distinct.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Forethought.</b></p> + <p>One reason why this country is so earnestly opposed to the +Napoleonic dynasty, is that there is no probability that the +descendants of the Prince Imperial would give us any assistance in +settling the Alabama Question.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Prompt.</b></p> + <p>The Methodists recently opened a school for young ladies in +Salt Lake City, and BRIGHAM'S third son is courting it already.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>VERDICT ON A BARBER'S WHISKERS.</b>—Dyed by his own hand.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE PLAYS AND SHOWS.</b></p> + <p><img src="images/54.jpg" align="left" alt="S">olemn and severe +German tragedy reigns in the Fourteenth Street theatre. Once it was +called the French theatre, and was devoted to the witty comedies of +SCRIBE, and the luxurious legs of OFFENBACH. But a woe has been +denounced against the SCRIBES and OFFENBACHS—(there is considerable +difference between the latter and the Pharisees)—of that once gay +theatre. Like many other French frivolities, it has lately yielded to +Teutonic tragedy. The cold and calculating German "MEPHISTOPHELES" +treads the stage where once tripped the light feet of Parisian beauty. +The burlesque Germans of the Grand Duchy of Gerolstein have vanished +before the grim and earnest countrymen of grand and simple old King +WILLIAM. It will be long before the French players find heart to +burlesque anew the German soldiery. It will be some time, let us hope, +before the German players at the Fourteenth Street theatre give way to +the shameless antics of French Opera-Bouffe buffoons.</p> + <p>PUNCHINELLO gives a glad farewell—with no thought of saying <i>au +revoir</i>—to the French follies that have given the French theatre so +unenviable a reputation; and he waves his pointed hat in joyful welcome +to SEEBACH and her German friends who have made the Fourteenth Street +theatre a temple of the classic drama. Like other places which can +properly be called dramatic temples, the theatre now partakes of the +solemnity of a religious temple. One goes to see SEEBACH, not to laugh, +but to test one's ability to suppress the desire to weep over the woes +of MARGARET, and to mourn with MARY STUART. Fortify yourself, O reader, +with a substantial dinner and much previous sleep, and come with me for +a night of German tragedy. Come to the Fourteenth Street theatre, not +to look back regretfully at departed opera-bouffe, but to SEEBACH. It +is with such reckless puns as the foregoing, that I endeavor to brace +your spirits for the exhausting struggle with six hours of tragedy +played in the most tragic and awful of modern languages. You are to +hear <i>Faust</i> in German. No man who has accomplished this feat can +wonder at the stolid bravery of the German infantry. It is said that +the new recruit is forced to hear <i>Faust</i> once a week during his +first year of service. This terrible discipline has the natural effect +of giving him that steadiness under fire, at which the world marvels. +He will stand with his regiment for hours under the merciless fire of +the mitrailleuse with no thought of flight. What terrors can shot or +shell have for him who has been taught to listen unmoved to the +dialogue of "FAUST" and "MEPHISTOPHELES" in the first thirty-two acts +of <i>Faust</i>?</p> + <p>We find the theatre full of Germans, wearing that grave and +earnest expression of countenance wherewith the German takes his +legitimate tragedy. Sprinkled among the Germans are several Americans, +more grave and more in earnest than even their Teutonic neighbors, for +they are straining their attention to detect a familiar German +word—such as "Mein Herr," or "Ach." When once they have heard the +expected syllables, they smile a placid smile of contentment, and +remark, one to another, "I can understand pretty nearly everything that +is said,—with the exception, of course, of an occasional word."</p> + <p>We take our seats and wait for the entrance of SEEBACH. The +curtain rises upon "FAUST" pursuing his studies in middle-age, +respectability, and a dressing-gown. To him, after hours of soliloquy, +enters "MEPHISTOPHELES." We observe, with surprise, that those +estimable gentlemen, Col. THOMAS W. KNOX and Hon. ERASTUS BROOKS, have +been engaged to play "FAUST" and "MEPHISTOPHELES" respectively, To be +sure the programme informs us that these parts are taken by two newly +imported German actors, but we prefer the evidence of our senses to the +assertions of the programme. Have KNOX and BROOKS been copied in +German? If not, they are now playing in Fourteenth Street. Don't tell +me that it is merely an accidental resemblance. Haven't I played +billiards with the gallant COLONEL, and gone to sleep when the +Honorable EDITOR was speaking in Congress? And shall I now be told that +I don't know them when I see them? But this is irrelevant.</p> + <p>Hours of dialogue succeed to the previous hours of soliloquy. +At intervals of fifteen minutes the curtain is dropped to enable the +actors to discuss mugs of beer and the audience to discuss the actors. +During these intervals we hear such remarks as these:</p> + <p>1ST GERMAN. "Subjectively considered, <i>Faust</i> is a +tragedy. Objectively, we might regard it as a comedy. To the +subjective-objective view, it is certainly a ballet pantomime. Ach! he +was many-sided, our GOETHE. Here in this drama he has accomplished +everything. There is food for our laughter and our tears. It excites us +and calms us."</p> + <p>1ST AMERICAN. "I should think it did calm us. That's why the +old fellow went to sleep and snored all through the last twelve acts. I +think it's the heaviest and stupidest play that was ever put on the +stage. Of course it's the greatest thing ever written, but then I +prefer DALY'S <i>Gaslight</i>, myself."</p> + <p>2ND GERMAN. "Ah, my friend, how this sublime creation stirs +the inner depths of our spiritual natures. Ach, Himmel! it is the poem +of Humanity. Let us go out for beer."</p> + <p>2D AMERICAN. "When are we going to see SEEBACH?"</p> + <p>USHER. "She don't appear until the twenty-third act, sir. That +will be on about three hours from now."</p> + <p>2D AMERICAN. "Come, TOM, let's go and have supper. I am +getting exhausted."</p> + <p>USHER. "Step this way, sir. Mr. GRAU has some refreshments at +your service."</p> + <p>And they go in search of the cold ham and beer which the +beneficent GRAU has kindly provided. Refreshed by much beer, and +enlivened by the cheery influence of the genial sandwich, they return +for a few more hours of soliloquy and dialogue.</p> + <p>Time passes slowly, but surely. At last we reach an act in +which SEEBACH walks quietly across the stage. The curtain instantly +drops amid the sobs of the excited audience.</p> + <p>1ST GERMAN. "Lend me your handkerchief, my friend, that I may +wipe away my tears. I have a sausage wrapped up in mine, but what are +sausages compared with art! How divinely SEEBACH walks. To me, she +seems like an incarnation of Pure Reason, an Avatar of the spirit of +transcendental philosophy. Come, we will pledge her in beer."</p> + <p>1ST AMERICAN. "What are they making all that row about—just +because SEEBACH walked across the stage? Why, she never said a word."</p> + <p>2D AMERICAN. "Let's go round to the hotel and take a quiet +sleep till she comes on again. I've got my night-clothes with me. +Always bring 'em when I go to see German tragedy."</p> + <p>Then ensue other hours of dialogue, interspersed with +soliloquies of half an hour each. Interspersed also with perpetual +dropping of the curtain, whereby the play is made to last some eight or +ten hours longer than would otherwise be the case. Most of the German +music that has been written during the last three centuries is played +by the orchestra during these intermissions. But in course of time +SEEBACH gives us the Garden scene, winning our frantic admiration by +her inimitable tenderness and grace, and finally we reach that grandest +scene ever written by dramatist, that most pathetic poem ever conceived +by poet—the meeting of "FAUST" and "MARGARET" in prison. At last we are +more than repaid for the dreary hours that have gone before. We have +seen SEEBACH'S "MARGARET"—the most powerful, the most pathetic, the +most beautiful, the most perfect creation of the stage.</p> + <p>And as we pass slowly up the tortuous, steep stairways of the +theatre, while the Germans, all talking at once, burden the air with +unintelligible gutturals, you say to me—if you are the intelligent +person that you ought to be—"SEEBACH is the greatest actress of this +century—greater than RISTORI, subtler and more tender than RACHEL."</p> + <p>With which opinion the undersigned concurs with all the +emphasis of conviction; and over our late breakfast, to which we +immediately sit down, we discuss the question, Which is the +greatest—the poet who drew "MARGARET," or the actress who made the +poet's picture warm with passionate life?</p> + <p>MATADOR.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Absolutely True.</b></p> + <p>For the last fifty years or so the metaphysical thinkers of +Germany have been engaged in seeking for the Absolute. From present +indications it would seem as though they are about to find it—where +perhaps they least expected it—in the imperial reign of King WILLIAM, +aided and abetted by Count VON BISMARCK.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>"THE RIGHT PARTY."</b></p> + <p>A few days ago PUNCHINELLO officially announced his adhesion +to the Right Party.</p> + <p>PUNCHINELLO hadn't the slightest idea which party was the +right one, but thought that, as some party must be right, he could not +go very for wrong. But mark the <i>denouement</i>. Every party +imagines itself the right party, and welcomes him joyfully to its +bosom. Republicans love him, Independents worship him, while Democrats +would endure even the Fifteenth Amendment for his sake. In order to +reciprocate their sentiments Mr. P. would have to resolve himself into +a kind of Demo-Independent-Republican, which he has no idea of doing. +Here's what some of the "organs" say of him:</p> + <p style="text-align: center;"><big><i>The Sun</i>.</big></p> + <p>"We hail with joy the accession of PUNCHINELLO to the ranks of +independent journalism as embodied in the <i>Sun</i>, with a +circulation of over 100,000, CHAS. B. DANA Editor, price two cents. +Reinforced by this powerful journal, we shall continue with renewed +vigor to demand of HORACE GREELEY his reasons why J.C. BANCROFT DAVIS +should not be removed from the Assistant Secretaryship of State. We +shall persevere in our attempts to make Gen. GRANT understand that to +move four and a half inches from the White House is an infraction of +the Constitution. Regardless of the tears of the thousands of +advertisers who carry their announcements to our office, we shall +devote our entire space to the vilifying of BORIE, FISH, the <i>Disreputable +Times and False Reporting Tribune</i>. Those elaborate attacks upon +moral corruption and the Erie Ring, for which we have become famous, +will remain specialties with us. All this by PUNCHINELLO'S aid. Bully +for PUNCHINELLO."</p> + <p style="text-align: center;"><big><i>The Tribune</i>.</big></p> + <p>"The moral influence of this paper, which retains the only +correspondent at the seat of war, and whose dispatches, procured at a +cost of over $2,000,000, are copied by the <i>Herald</i>, <i>Sun</i> +and <i>World</i>,—(and whoever denies it lies damnably, with intent to +malign, etc.,)—the moral influence of this paper is rapidly extending +itself throughout the country. As a late instance, we note that +PUNCHINELLO has given in its adhesion to the only true and pure +republican agricultural party, which it appropriately names the "Right +Party." PUNCHINELLO was once a frivolous, good-for-nothing sheet, +devoted to low jokes and witticisms. The conversion of its editor to +the temperance cause is the reason of the recent change in its tenets. +We bid it God speed."</p> + <p style="text-align: center;"><big><i>The World</i>.</big></p> + <p>"As the irrefutable and all-enduring truths of Democracy +receive exemplification in contemporaneous events, the reflecting and +refined masses of this city purchase the <i>World</i> in preference to +that decrepit and fast decaying sheet, the <i>Herald</i>. PUNCHINELLO, +recognizing with ethereal foresight the exigencies of the situation, +proclaims itself for the "Right Party"—our party. We welcome with +acclamation this valuable addition to the Democratic ranks."</p> + <p style="text-align: center;"><big><i>The Star</i>.</big></p> + <p>"PUNCHINELLO has joined the Right Party, by which he obviously +means the <i>Star</i>, whose circulation last Sunday exceeded 375,005 +copies.</p> + <p>"But this has nothing to do with the domestic policy of the +Peruvians, as expounded by the first CAESAR.</p> + <p>"PUNCHINELLO will prove a pillar of strength to Tammany Hall, +unless the siege of Paris should prove disastrous to the consumption of +lager-bier, as set forth in 'Boiled for her Bones' and other tales by +the best authors."</p> + <p>But Personals, my dear <i>Star</i>, Personals are the things +that pay. If thus, why not? As thus:</p> + <p>"EDITOR OF PUNCHINELLO. The Editor of PUNCHINELLO has an +income of about $500,000. He usually dines at the Hoffman House when +out of State's Prison. He owns some fine lots somewhere underneath the +East River, besides a brown stone front in Alaska."</p> + <p>"PUBLISHER OF PUNCHINELLO. This gentleman's income does not +exceed $350,000 per annum. He expends it principally in beautifying his +delightful summer residence in Mackerelville. It has been his +misfortune to pass many years of his life in a lunatic asylum, the +unhappy result of organizing plans for American Comic Papers. All is +joy and peace with him now, however; he looks hopefully forward to the +time when PUNCHINELLO shall have attained to his legitimate rank of the +Foremost Journal in the Nation. Meanwhile he lunches daily at a leading +restaurant on thirteen oysters, (a dozen and one over) with vinegar, +pepper and a bottle of Bass."</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>"ONE MORE UNFORTUNATE."</b></p> + <p>MR. PUNCHINELLO: I fancy myself a victim of imposition, and I +wish to place my case before you. Having, for a period of six months, +"honorably and persistently," (to use the language of my friends,) held +the office of third Deputy-Assistant Register of Caramels, in and for +the city and county of New York, my associates in office and my friends +in general have determined to present me with a testimonial of their +distinguished regards. Accordingly, they have ordered a massive and +handsomely engraved pair of silver tongs, and a splendid silver +fire-shovel. This is all very well, so far, but the committee informed +me yesterday that the shovel and tongs would cost four hundred and +twenty-five dollars, and that, as only eight dollars and a half had +been collected, it was considered highly important that I should +immediately hand over the balance of the price, in order that the +presentation and banquet, (to take place at my house on next Saturday +evening,) might not be postponed, to the great disappointment of my +associates in office and my friends in general.</p> + <p>Now, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, is not this a little hard on me? I know +very well that it is customary for the recipients of testimonials to +pay three-quarters of the cost of the present, and I am perfectly +willing to abide by this custom; but forty-nine fiftieths is, I think, +rather too heavy, especially as my house is heated by a furnace in the +cellar and I have no use for a shovel and tongs—particularly silver +ones.</p> + <p>Yours perturbedly, A. DOANE KNEA.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Roaming Troops.</b></p> + <p>The Italians in this country are very jubilant over the +occupation of Rome by the army of Italy. But people of other nations +hereabouts are not so much elated about the occupation of Roam in which +the numerous troops of Italian organ-grinders are engaged.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Subject for a Debating Society.</b></p> + <p>Can a couple who have contracted a clandestine marriage be +properly said to be carrying out their clandestiny?</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img src="images/55.jpg" alt=""> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">A CHEERFUL PROSPECT.</p> + <p>THE MORNING HAVING BEEN BRIGHT AND CLEAR, MR. DEBOOTS DECIDED +TO AVAIL HIMSELF OF AN INVITATION TO SPEND THE DAY IN THE COUNTRY. HE +ARRIVES AT THE STATION, AND HAS A MILE TO WALK.</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img src="images/56.jpg" alt=""> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">COMFORTING ASSURANCES.</p> + <p><i>H. Greeley and G. W. Curtis, together.</i> "OHO! LITTLE +WOODFORD; AIN'T YOU GOING TO BE LICKED, NEITHER!—WON'T YOU GET YOUR EYES +BLACKED, AND YOUR NOSE SMASHED, AND YOUR TEETH BROKE!—AIN'T I GLAD I +AIN'T THE ONE AS HAS GOT TO FIGHT BIG JOHNNY HOFFMAN!"</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>AN AGRICULTURAL RHYME.</b></p> + <p>NOT BY H.G.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Plough +deep—two feet, at least—for corn or rye.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">You can't, in stony land? Sir, +that's a lie;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">A sub-soil plough will do it; +then manure,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And put on plenty; if the land is +poor,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Get muck and plaster; buy them by +the heap,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">No matter what they cost, you'll +find them cheap.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I've tried them often, and I +think I know,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then plough again two feet before +you sow.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Potatoes get on best in sandy +soil,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I'm sure of <i>that</i>—but +plant before you boil;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then put in strawberries; that's +what I do—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Confound you for a blockhead! Why +don't you</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Get modern works and read them? +No, you'd rather</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Go creeping on just like your +stupid father.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">That patch is good for melons. +Why the deuce</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Don't you convert those swamps to +better use?</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Beets are a paying crop, and +don't cost much</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To raise; so's cabbage, pumpkins, +squash, and such;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">They'll always sell and bring you +back your money—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">No bees? The mischief! What d'ye +do for honey?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sir, let me tell you plainly +you're an ass—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Just look at those ten acres gone +to grass!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Put turnips in 'em. Timothy don't +pay—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Can't cattle feed on anything but +hay?</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I don't consider hogs a +first-class crop;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Give me my own free choice, sir, +and I'd swap</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The best of 'em for strawberries +or sheep—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But let me say again, you must +plough deep;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The trouble with our farmers is, +that they</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Can't be induced to look beyond +to-day;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Let them get sub-soil ploughs and +turn up sand</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And hang it, sir! let them manure +their land.</span> </div> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>SALVATION FOR EUROPE</b>.</p> + <p>Some hope that the great Powers of Europe may yet be saved +from a fate similar to that of the Kilkenny Cats, is to be found in the +fact that General BURNSIDE, favorably known in Rhode Island, is making +arrangements for bringing about peace between France and Germany. It +has already been said by journalists of mark, that, unless Providence +interfered, and that soon, all Europe would shortly be deluged with the +blood of her peoples. General BURNSIDE is the direct representative of +Providence, and he has gone specially to Europe to interfere. He was +born in Providence, (R.I.); he believes in Providence; his portrait is +the special pride of Providence; and there is a "Providence that shapes +his ends." Thus it will be seen that BURNSIDE is the very man for the +situation. It may be asked, (there are cavillers who ask impertinent +questions about everything,) what business BURNSIDE has to meddle with +European affairs? Pshaw!—one might as well ask what business Colorado +JEWETT has to meddle with everybody's affairs, or GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN, +or PAUL PRY, or WIKOFF. BURNSIDE against BISMARCK for diplomacy any +time. Probably he aims at the throne of France for himself, and having +Providence (R.I.,) to back him, he may sit on it yet.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p>What bad habit does a man contract when he falls into a way of +praising everything and everybody?</p> + <p>He takes to laud'n'm.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img src="images/57.jpg" alt=""> + <p>ORPHEUS GREELEY, CHARMING WITH THE STRAINS OF THE REPUBLICAN +LYRE THE CERBERUS, (O'BRIEN, MORRISSEY, AND FOX,) ON GUARD AT THE +ENTRANCE TO THE DREAD ABODE OF THE JOHN REAL DEMOCRACY.</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>HIRAM GREEN AT THE BOSTON WOMAN'S CONVENTION.</b></p> + <p><b>Old Time Agitators again on their Muscle.—Thanks to Henry +Wilson.—Advice to Charles Sumner.—Left-Handers to Wendell Phillips.</b></p> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Oho! ye gods and little fishes,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Beggars 'd ride, if hosses was +wishes;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Wimmen would have a millenium day,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And all through the land the +"deuce be to pay."</span><br> + <p>The Masserchewsetts Woman's <i>Suffering</i> Society pulled +off their cote and vest and struck a beligerent attitood, at Bosting, a +few days since.</p> + <p>Yes, sir! I was there, and I still live to tell my tale.</p> + <p>E-x-z-a-ckt-ly!</p> + <p>As usual, on all such occasions, the women wore the +bre-b-bifurcated garments, while the <i>softer</i> sex shone +transparently, in silk, satins, and black and bloo spots.</p> + <p>Like jumpin' jacks, they danced when the <i>strong-minded</i> +pulled the strings, while their ears were pinned back and greased, +ready to be swallered at a minnit's warnin'.</p> + <p>JEWLEIR WARD HOW was chosen President, and S.E. Sewell, ABBI +KELLY FOSTIR, MARY E. SARGINT, the Rev. J. Freman Klark, LIDIA MARIAR +CHILDE and Frank B. Sanborne, Vice Presidents.</p> + <p>THE REV. HON. JUDGE AGUSTY J. CHAPIN, ESQ., L.L.D., opened the +dance with a prologue.</p> + <p>Mrs. How then rose and got up, and said:</p> + <p>"Feller citizens: We've got together, as usual, without any +plan of operation, except to howl and make faces at the critter man, +ontil he is ready to give up his liberties and endow us <i>angelic</i> +beeins with the privilege of fillin' up with benzine on eleckshun day; +to vote and rool the destinies of the land." (Cheers.)</p> + <p>"No woman who desires the ballit, shall desist from hen-peckin +her husband, ontil, in his agony, he cries: 'Peace! be still! there's +my harness, get into it.'"</p> + <p>Mrs. LIVERMOOR, H.B. Blackwell, MARGARET CAMBELL, M. Fiske, +and SARY E. WILKINS, committee on resolutions, reported the follerin:</p> + <p><i>Whereas:</i> When our anshient relative, Adam, had the +monopoly of the ballit box, it was diskivered that it was not ment for +man to vote alone, and enjoy too much of a good thing. Consekently EVE +was sent to stir him up.</p> + <p><i>Whereas:</i> When Mother EVE got there, she made it +slightly warm for Adam, by assertin' her rites. Like many of our +members, she made Adam "walk chalk." On eleckshun day she took him by +the ear and walked him to the poles, and for the first time in his life +he voted the woman's rites ticket, and Mr. SATIN was elected by a +unanimous vote.</p> + <p>Therefore, we recognize in EVE the pioneer of woman's rites, +with ST. NICKOLAS as our patron saint. (Great applause, with "3 cheers +for OLD NICK, the first candidate elected by femail suffrage.")</p> + <p>It was then resolved to send committees to the Democratic and +Republican conventions, to see if any LOONATICS had been nominated, who +were in favor of femail soopremiosity.</p> + <p>If any such persons were found, they should be requested to +announce it through the columns of the <i>Woman's Journal</i>, and let +the world know the fools wasent all dead yet.</p> + <p>Should the candidates be opposed to our cause, it was +recommended that when the Woman's Convention Committee meet, on the +18th of October, that ten talented talkers be appointed to surround the +candidates and talk them to death as a warnin to futer candidates.</p> + <p>Congratulatory speeches, endorsin' these last resolutions, was +made by the wimmen, and I gess they would have kept talkin' ontil +doomsday, if the chokin-off committee hadn't been sent around with +copies of <i>Harper's Bazaar</i>, full of pictures of the new fall +fashions. (Between you and I, Mister PUNCHINELLO, the only thing which +our wives goes heavier on than their rites, so called, is fashions.) +The convention then thanked Hon. Hank Wilson for blowin' their trumpet, +and voted to present him with a new hoop skirt and a pound of spruce +gum as a token of their appreciation.</p> + <p>Charles Sumner was then trotted, out, viz.:</p> + <p><i>Whereas:</i> Charles Sumner has, somehow or other, got one +foot kerslop on our platform;</p> + <p><i>Whereas:</i> He must go the hul hog or none;</p> + <p><i>Be it resolved:</i> We can't take any stock in Charly, +ontil he wears his hair parted in the middle and done up in a +waterfall, pledgin' himself to go his entire length, next winter, for +the 16th Commendment. (Enthusiastic applause. Cries of "them's um!" +"Kor-rect!" "Selah!'" etc.; "Bully boy with the glass eye!" etc., etc.)</p> + <p>Mrs. How then got up and said thusly: "My friends: I'me down +onto colleges like a 1000 of brick. They are the mad puddles of +artificial ignorance. If a red-headed woman was alowed to shed her +lite, the proffessors would be throwed into the shades rite lively. The +result would be, the blind would lead the near-sited by the nose. +Them's my sentiments."</p> + <p>Stephen L. Fostir got up and said:</p> + <p>"He woulden't go to the poles on eleckshun without his wife as +his ekal a hangin' on his arm."</p> + <p>Mrs. LIVERMORE sprung quickly to her feet and said: "She'd bet +$4.00 if she was Steve's wife, he'd go to the poles under diffikilties, +then, for she wasen't the woman who thought the man lived that was the +ekal of any woman; and that hain't all," said she. "When we get hold of +the ballit, man has got to get up early in the mornin' to fool <i>us</i> +much. All the koketting with the Democrats, Republicans, +Prohibitionists, and Labor Reformers in the offis of the <i>Woman's +Journal</i>, last summer, don't amount to shucks. Prominent politicians +had entreeted her to go slow and not mash things. I can only say," said +Mrs. L., "as John Bunyan once said:</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">'When +woman will, she will.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And you can jest bet on't;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">When she won't, she won't,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And there's an end on't.'"</span> + </div> + <p>An aged individual named Jenking, from Andover, said: "When he +was in his first childhood, he was drest in peticotes. He was now over +75 years old, and believed an old man would feel better in caliker than +satinett. Hereafter they could count on him to wear out their old +dresses."</p> + <p>A few left-handed compliments were paid to Wendil Fillips, and +altho' Wendil had allers went heavy on Wimmen's Rites, his bein' +endossed by his own sex was a squelcher on him. He wasen't endossed, +but, like Jonah, went overboard, to be hove up agin onto dry land in a +few days, for a whale has got to have a pretty good stomack to keep +Mister Fillips down a great while. That's so.</p> + <p>A few more resolutions were then voted, but as the Mayor of +Bosting had sent lots of perlicemen there, I didn't heer of any men +gettin' killed outrite, altho' a few innercent husbands got slitely +bruised by bein' whacked over their heads with their wive's umbrellers. +Then they adjerned.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The +critters then got in their vests</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And then got in their cotes,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then got in a dredful pes-</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Piration about their votes.</span> + </div> + <p>(Let 'em sweat.)</p> + <p>Ewers, a Non-Resistanter,</p> + <p>HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,</p> + <p><i>Lait Gustise of the Peece.</i></p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>FALLEN ON THE MARCH.</b></p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">You +see that hoss, don't you, there, sir, ahead?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Well, that's JAKE. An hour ago,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The last trip up, he fell—stone +dead:</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Drop't right flat in his +harness, you know.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">He'd fell down, too, pooty +often before,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">And—I guess he won't do it, +though, any more.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I allas pitied the poor old cuss;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">He was mighty hard driv and +terrible thin,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And many a time when he quit the +'bus</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">I've led the mis'rable creetur +in</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">And giv him a reg'lar bang-up +feed</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">That the Company thought he +didn't need.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And now, to see him lyin' there</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">All by himself, a feast for the +flies,—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Why, it kinder makes a feller's +hair</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Creep all over, first, then +straighten and rise.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Maybe you'll say to yourself: +"That's all stuff."</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">But I tell you what—<i>I</i> +think it's blamed rough.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">It makes me feel, too, a little +bit glum,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To see how everything goes on +the same;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Some day, I s'pose, <i>my</i> +turn 'll come,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">When I'll have to try on poor +JAKE'S little game,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">And they won't mind me any +more, I'll bet.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Than they do him.—Off, here, +sir?—G'long, JEANETTE!</span> </div> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img src="images/60.jpg" alt=""> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">A FITFUL YOUTH.</p> + <p><i>Younger Party</i>. "LOOK HERE, VAN, CAN'T YOU LEAVE THOSE +"PERSONALS" ALONE, FOR A MINUTE, AND GIVE ME A CANDID OPINION ON THE +BACK FIT OF MY NEW COAT?"</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>AUTUMN SONG.</b></p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Leaves +are falling (though, coal is not,)</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And pumpkins are yellow, and +maids are blue;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Potatoes and apples begin to rot;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">There's many a liver congested, +too.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The dews stay late on the +cabbage-leaf,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And the red, red beet forsakes +the ground;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And lovers' wanderings grow more +brief,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And fewer loafers are loafing +around.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The celery rivals the turnip fair;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">There's new delight in the +tender steak;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And boys go munching the chestnut +rare,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Without one thought of the +stomach-ache.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The last of the cattle-shows is +seen;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">The monster squash to the cows +is fed;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Everything's brown that once was +green,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Except tomatoes, and they are +red.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The drowsy citizen hates to rise;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">The hash may be cold, but so is +the air:</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Tis heaven to slumber, for now +the flies</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Are less affectionate, and more +rare.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And who is the busiest man we see?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'Tis the Doctor, dashing by in +his chaise;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And well may he hurry, you will +agree,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For it isn't every patient that +pays.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">'Tis a rare, rare season,—so +breezy and bright!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">The dahlias, and even the +squashes, are gay!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">One wouldn't regret the cold at +night,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">If it wasn't so deucedly cold +by day.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">A wandering shiver inspires the +doubt</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Whether Indian Summer will come +this year;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But its warmth can be felt when +you don't go out,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And it's haze may be seen +through a glass of beer.</span> </div> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Query for Romancers</b>.</p> + <p>Used the Knights of the Round Table ever to get a "Square +meal"?</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>SARSFIELD YOUNG ATTENDS A COUNTY FAIR</b>.</p> + <p>DEAR PUNCHINELLO: From early ages, man has been a tiller of +the soil. My ancestors were pretty much all in this line of business. +My venerable great-grandfather-in-law came over in the Mayflower, and +though not exactly a tiller himself, he is supposed to have had a good +deal to do with the tiller department of that historic ship. Several of +our folks have, from time to time, studied agriculture on New England +town farms; which explains the passion I always had for such attractive +out-of-door sports as stump-pulling, laying stone wall, and drinking +very hard cider in the shade.</p> + <p>Being down at my uncle's this week, I have attended the Annual +County Agricultural Fair. The managers wanted me to go on one of the +committees, (whether it was plain Durhams, or short-horn needle-work, I +don't this moment remember,) but I declined. I told them that, while I +was ready to fill any vacancy that might occur in the "Committee on +Bills upon their Second Reading," they really must excuse me elsewhere. +I finally compromised by accepting a free pass, and agreeing to poke +the ribs of all the cattle I could reach, just as though I was a <i>bona +fide</i> official.</p> + <p>The show began yesterday with a grand concourse of all the +farming people for miles around. Every farmer brought a pair of hands +with him. The teams were innumerable; I had no idea it was such a +teeming population. There was a procession of yokes of oxen, a brass +band, the living skeleton, two fire engines, citizens generally, the +Orator of the Day, more oxen, marshals in cowhide boots and badges, and +a cavalcade. There may have been other oxen. I did not intend to omit +them.</p> + <p>The Orator was announced in the bills as "a finished speaker." +He managed to get himself so thoroughly mixed up with his subject, +however, and knew so much about farming, which he was willing to +disclose, that I soon saw he couldn't be safely set down as finished +till late in the afternoon. I don't recall much of his address, further +than that, when he got to talking about Fall Ploughing, he said: "In +the hour of his country's peril, if fall he must, he would a little +rather fall ploughing, than in any other way!" I think, too, he spoke +of the Fates always smiling upon the farmer who improved his soil. I +suppose he meant the phosphates.</p> + <p>To-day I have been all around the cattle pens. I never saw +such stock before. Owing to their habit of staying out in the country +the year round, they have a firm, sleek, animated look which the best +guaranteed city stock fails to attain. One cow, from her impartial +method of hoisting visitors out of her pasture, was labelled "The +General Hooker."</p> + <p>There was a fine display of Dorking lambs and Jersey hens, +while some bees of the Berkshire breed fairly divided the honors with a +few very choice Merino pigs. A handsomely built North Devon chain-pump +attracted much attention from the milkmen.</p> + <p>The turkeys, geese, ducks, poultry and other farm yard <i>habitués</i>, +though cooped up in one corner, did all they could to make the show a +success.</p> + <p>The products of the soil were heaped up in the richest +profusion. This is a great raising county. No community raised their +quota of substitutes more rapidly, during the war. Rows upon rows of +corn, of barley, rye and oats [like most modern Serials,] seemed as +though they would never come to an end.</p> + <p>Some early squashes were pointed out to me. I understood that +they were gathered at four o'clock in the morning. This is nothing. I +distinctly remember picking up watermelons, when a schoolboy, much +earlier than that.</p> + <p>The butter, cheese, and bed quilts, were all of the finest +texture. Everybody took a first premium.</p> + <p>Among the newly patented inventions I noticed "The JOHN +MORRISSEY Smasher," "The Swamp Angel Sheller," and a lovely piece of +mechanism called "The Just One Mower."</p> + <p>There was the usual horse trotting from morning to night, both +days, with pool selling, from which, I presume, agriculture derived +great benefit.</p> + <p>I say nothing of the other side-shows, for (with the exception +of ALEXIS ST. MARTIN,) I never heard of one that was worth going across +the street to see.</p> + <p>Yours truly, and yours rurally,</p> + <p>SARSFIELD YOUNG.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>OUR PORTFOLIO.</b></p> + <p>PARIS, THIRD WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870.</p> + <p>DEAR PUNCHINELLO: I concluded I would leave Paris for Tours +last week, as the refusal of Life Insurance Companies to take war risks +made me apprehensive for the temporal welfare of the youthful TINTOS in +case I should be untimely called hence. It was a wise resolution, but a +few trifling obstacles, to which I shall refer, prevented me from +carrying it out.</p> + <p>WASHBURNE advised me, as the safest means of escape, to adopt +the character of an American tourist, with which disguise he thought +the Gallic cast of my features would not materially interfere. I took +the hint, and, assuming my scrip and staff, set forth by way of the +Neuilly gate towards Courbevoie. It was after nightfall when I reached +the bridge that crosses the Seine in that neighborhood. A <i>garde +mobile</i> was pacing over the crest of the slight acclivity that rises +near its eastern extremity.</p> + <p>As I approached he came to a halt, and challenged me sharply.</p> + <p><i>"Qui va là?"</i></p> + <p><i>"C'est moi,"</i> I answered, (with a very decent accent +which I had cultivated by the daily use of a mild decoction of +alum-water—an application which I can cordially recommend to Americans +who do not naturally possess that peculiar "pucker" of the lips +essential to the correct pronunciation of the French language.)</p> + <p><i>"C'est moi, mon ami,"</i> I repeated.</p> + <p>"The countersign," said the <i>garde</i>.</p> + <p>"What countersign?" said I, remembering to my consternation +that I had forgotten to secure that important credential.</p> + <p>The sentry brought his piece to that position which usually +precedes the order "Take aim." I got back a few feet—the situation was +too close.</p> + <p><i>"Mon ami,"</i> I ventured to observe, "that ain't the way +we treat noncombatants in America."</p> + <p>"The countersign," reiterated the <i>garde</i>, still holding +his <i>chassepot</i> in the previous threatening manner.</p> + <p>I looked up. The stars were in the quiet sky, and the new moon +was just sinking beneath the bold outline of Mount Valerien. The surge +of the Seine against the stone piers of the bridge could be distinctly +heard. The scene was unspeakably tranquil, not to say mournful, and I +said to myself, "Is this a night for assassination?"</p> + <p>Again I looked up, and I saw the gleam of two more bayonets at +the other end of the bridge. Thereupon I said to myself, "This is not a +night for assassination."</p> + <p>"The countersign," for the third time, proceeded from the +armed Apollyon in front of me. I grew familiar.</p> + <p>"Come now, my good friend, this little business of mine +requires some dispatch. During the war in America—"</p> + <p>The click of the hammer of the sentry's rifle interrupted me. +I felt uncomfortable. I had been out in the night air many times +before, but I never knew it to be so disagreeably chilly. It climbed in +behind my shirt collar, travelled down my back with a shivering +sensation, and culminated in a regular ague when it reached my knees. +With a terrific effort I calmed myself, and opened on the soldiers +again. "During the war in America—" There are occasions in a man's +lifetime when the mere fact of his tongue cleaving unexpectedly to the +roof of his mouth is no evidence of cowardice. I had unquestionably +reached that eventful period of my existence, but I also possessed +physical energy to try once more.</p> + <p>"My good, kind friend, I was going to say that during the war +in America—"</p> + <p>"Oh! d—n your war in America!" roared the sentry, levelling +his rifle full at me.</p> + <p>There is no American living who would sooner resent an insult +to his native land than myself, and at such a crisis I felt that within +me which might rise at any moment and crush the foul calumniator. But I +reasoned to myself that I would not take the life of this man, now. I +would wait awhile. It was only too evident he was angry, and he might +cool off and apologize. Yes, that was the best course for me to pursue. +Accordingly I ran rapidly over in my mind a little speech, and, turning +to him, spoke thus:</p> + <p>"Rash, impetuous man—"</p> + <p>L A T E R.</p> + <p>Thanks to the persistent efforts of my dear friend WASHBURNE, +I have just been released from the guard-house after three hideous days +of incarceration. His is a heart that I may truthfully say yearns +toward the unfortunate. I consider him the crowning glory of American +diplomacy in Europe. Language is inadequate to express the feelings of +one who regrets that his sex forbids him to sign himself</p> + <p>Your weeping MAGDALEN, DICK TINTO.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>A Toothsome Con.</b></p> + <p>Why should dentists be entitled to class with artists? Because +they all draw.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>NEWSPAPER PERILS.</b></p> + <p>The local reporter of a Boston daily gives us the following:</p> + <p>"On Wednesday morning, as the early freight train on the Old +Colony railroad neared the bridge in Quincy, THOMAS ELLIS, a brakeman, +raised up for the purpose of throwing off a bundle of newspapers, when +he was struck by the timbers of the bridge and knocked senseless upon +his car. He wan saved from rolling to the track by TIMOTHY LEE, a paper +boy who was upon the train."</p> + <p>We are sorry for ELLIS. But he ought to be thankful for one +thing,—he has a mission. He need not ask, like ANNA DICKINSON: "Why was +I born?" It is all settled that he was "raised up" for the purpose of +throwing off newspapers. Now, although he missed it this time, we have +no doubt he is ordinarily as successful in that line as the most +improved Lightning Press could be. Should he, unfortunately, continue +senseless, PUNCHINELLO suggests that THOMAS devote himself to "throwing +off" editorial articles for the Sun,</p> + <p>It was very noble in TIMOTHY LEE so promptly to come to the +rescue. But,—hold! PUNCHINELLO will not be imposed upon: at this moment +are there not grounds for suspecting this "paper boy" to have been +merely a "man of straw"?</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img src="images/61.jpg" alt=""> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">APPROPRIATE.</p> + <p><i>Pompey, (sawing.)</i> "HOW YOU GWINE TO VOTE, SAM?—I'SE +BIN <i>saw</i> BY DE 'PUBLICAN PARTY."</p> + <p><i>Sambo.</i> "BOFE PARTIES SEE'D ME, AND SO I'M GWINE TO +SPLIT."</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>A Sporting Con.</b></p> + <p>Why is the famous horse DEXTER like a musical conductor?</p> + <p>Because he beats Time.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Theatrical Item.</b></p> + <p>Since Colonel FISK, Jr., floored that other manager, he is +known in the profession as the great floor manager.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Good News for the Birds.</b></p> + <p>In Westchester county a fine of $25 is hereafter to be levied +upon each jackass in human form who shoots birds on Sunday. It is to be +hoped that the little bills may thus be saved from holiday havoc by +persons who object to incurring large ones.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img src="images/62.jpg" alt=""> + <p>CONSTERNATION OF THE EDITORIAL STAFF OF THE NEW YORK <i>SUN</i>, +(INCLUDING THE OFFICE BOY,) ON SEEING CHIEF EDITOR PECKSNIFF DANA +DECLINING TO ACCEPT A HEAVY BRIBE OFFERED HIM TO PUBLISH A MENDACIOUS +PARAGRAPH ABOUT A RESPECTABLE CONTEMPORARY.</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>A NEW SENSATION WANTED.</b></p> + <p>The reprehensible haste with which various European nations +terminate their wars is a source of annoyance to every one. Hardly have +we acquired a decided taste for news of some transient war or other, +when the conflicting parties judge that they have had enough of it, and +thus an avenue of enjoyment is summarily closed.</p> + <p>It is as though one's natural aversion to tomatoes had +gradually changed to liking, and then an untimely autumn frost had +come, to anticipate the gardener and the air-tight can.</p> + <p>These foreigners are so different from the Americans!</p> + <p>During the Rebellion—a comparatively staid and respectable +affair—a correspondent, after the first two years, became so expert as +to anticipate battles, and knew as much about war as a general. War +news and buckwheat cakes enlivened the matutinal meal. The chances pro +and con gave a zest to conversations else intolerably dull. The war was +an Institution.</p> + <p>But see how it is in Europe.</p> + <p>In '66, they spirted away for six weeks and stopped. And now, +after a similar splurge, they have as good as stopped once more. The +correspondents just sent over by our "enterprising" newspapers, are +hardly yet recovered from their sea-sickness. Just as they begin to +sharpen their pencils, presto! the war is over, and the occupation of +these hardy gentlemen is gone.</p> + <p>Can nothing be done about this? If a protest—"firm and +dignified"—would really do no good, what about some <i>new</i> +excitement, which, as every one knows, we <i>must</i> have or perish! +Will no other jealous contiguous nations fall out? Must we fall out +ourselves? Election is still a good way off, and, really, we don't see +what's to be done. Fights are few, and suicides are falling off. The +Indians are disgustingly peaceful, and even the Mormons have subsided. +It is two years and over to the next Presidential election; and there +is no more cholera.</p> + <p>Really, this is too bad! We must muse on the situation for a +season, and, meanwhile, shall confidently expect something or other to +turn up almost any day.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>PUSS AS A PORT-MONNAIE.</b></p> + <p>The following eccentric freak of a cat is reported in a daily +paper:</p> + <p>"A two dollar note was taken to one of the Lebanon banks for +redemption last week, which had been taken from the intestines of a +cat, in Montgomery county. The cat had stolen the note and swallowed +it, was caught and shot, and the note thus recovered."</p> + <p>There is nothing new in getting notes "from the intestines of +a cat." PAGANINI got no end of notes from catgut. So do VIEUXTEMPS, and +OLE BULL, and TOM BAKER, and others too numerous to mention. The cat +that swallowed the greenback should have been added to BARNUM'S "Happy +Family," however, instead of being sacrificed to Mammon. With its +two-dollar bill it would have been a formidable rival to the <i>Ornithorynchus +Paradoxus</i>, or beast with a bill, of Australia.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>NEW PUBLICATIONS.</b></p> + <p>A TREATISE ON THE BANKRUPT LAW, FOR BUSINESS MEN. By AUDLEY W. +GAZZAM, Solicitor in Bankruptcy, Utica, N. Y. New York: GEORGE T. +DELLER, No. 95 Liberty Street.</p> + <p>This book contains not only all the latest amendments to the +Bankrupt Act, with copious notes covering the latest English and +American decisions, but it also has a prefatory chapter of "Hints to +Persons contemplating Bankruptcy." PUNCHINELLO, feeling a deep interest +in the welfare of <i>The Sun</i>, <i>The Free Press</i>, and certain +others of his contemporaries, earnestly requests their attention to +that chapter. Some such advice as it contains is evidently needed by +them for their guidance through the financial gloom that seems to be +settling on them. The loss of thirty per cent of its circulation within +the past month has brought deep depression upon The Sun. The festive +laugh of its editors —especially that of the roystering Lothario OLIVER +DYER,—is but seldom heard, now, in the famed restaurant of MOUQUIN. We +cordially commend to their notice, then, the work in question, that, +availing themselves of its "Hints," they may so arrange as to have +ready, when the smash comes, funds to qualify them for enjoying the +blessed privilege constitutionally granted to all who, like them, have +been "weighed in the balance and found wanting."</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table + style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" + border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. Stewart & Co.</big></big></p> + <p><small>ARE OFFERING</small></p> + <p><small>EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS</small></p> + <p>IN</p> + <p><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">LADIES' ENGLISH HOSE,<br> + </span></big> FULL REGULAR MAKES,<br> +from 25 cents per pair upward.</p> + <p>Also,<br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">GENTLEMEN'S HALF HOSE,</span><br> + EXTRA QUALITY,<br> +25 cents per pair upward.</p> + <p>LARGE LINES OF<br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ladies' and Gentlemen's</span></big><br> +Silk and Merino Underwear.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.</p> + </td> + <td style="text-align: left;" rowspan="3"> + <div style="text-align: center;"> <big><big><big><big>PUNCHINELLO.<br> + <br> + </big></big></big></big><br> +The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly +Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public +in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper +of the kind ever published in America. </div> + <br> + <b>CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL.</b><br> + <br> +Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) ............... $4.00<br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">" " six months, (without +premium,) ..................................... 2.00</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">" " three months, +" ............................................. 1.00</span><br> + <br> +Single copies mailed free, for +............................................... .10<br> + <br> +We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO'S<br> +CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows:<br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year, and<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>"The Awakening,"</b></big></big> (a Litter of +Puppies.) Half chromo.<br> +Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,) for ...................... $4.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Wild Roses.</b></big></big> 12-1/8 x 9.<br> + <big><big><b>Dead Game</b>.</big></big> 11-1/8 x 8-3/8.<br> + <big><big><b>Easter Morning</b>.</big></big> 6-3/4 x 10-1/4—for +..................... $5.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $5.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Group of Chickens;<br> +Group of Ducklings;<br> +Group of Quails</b>.</big></big><br> +Each 10 x 12-1/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Poultry Yard</b>.</big></big> 10-1/8 x 14<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Barefoot Boy;<br> +Wild Fruit</b>.</big></big> Each 9-3/4 x 13.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Pointer and Quail;<br> +Spaniel and Woodcock</b>.</big></big> 10 x 12—for ... $6.50<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $6.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Baby in Trouble;<br> +The Unconscious Sleeper;<br> +The Two Friends</b>. (Dog and Child.)</big></big><br> +Each 13 x 16-1/4.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Spring;<br> +Summer;<br> +Autumn;</b><br> + </big></big> 12-7/8 x 16-1/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Kid's Play Ground</b>.</big></big><br> +11 x 17-1/2—for ................. $7.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $7.50 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Strawberries and Baskets</b>.</big></big><br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Cherries and Baskets</b><span + style="font-weight: bold;">.</span></big></big><br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Currants</b>.</big></big> Each 13 x 18.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Horses in a Storm</b>.</big></big> 22-1/4 x 15-1/4.<br> + <br> + <big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Six Central Park Views. (A +set.)</big></big><br> +9-1/8 x 4-1/2—for ........... $8.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Six American Landscapes</b>. (A set.)</big></big><br> +4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00—for +.............................................. $9.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the<br> +following $10 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Sunset in California</b>.</big></big> (Bierstadt) +18-1/2 x 12<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Easter Morning</b>.</big></big> 14 x 21.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Corregio's Magdalen</b>.</big></big> 12-1/4 x 16-3/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit</b>.</big></big> +(Half chromos,)<br> +15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), for $10.00<br> + <br> +Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on +New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first +number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not otherwise ordered.<br> + <br> +Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents +per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be <i>mailed +free</i> on receipt of money.<br> + <br> +CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For +special terms address the Company.<br> + <br> +The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the +paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any +one desirous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage +stamp.<br> + <br> +Address,<br> + <br> + <b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</b><br> + <br> +P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street, New York.<br> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>Grand Exposition.<br> + <br> + </big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>A. T. STEWART & CO.</big></p> + <p><small>HAVE OPENED</small></p> + <p>A Splendid Assortment of</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>PARIS MADE DRESSES,</big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>From Worth E Pingnet and +other Celebrated Makers</small></p> + <p><small>ALSO, LARGE ADDITIONS,</small><br> + <b>OF THEIR OWN MANUFACTURE,</b></p> + <p>Cut and Trimmed by Artists equal, if not superior, to any in +this city.</p> + <p><big><b>Millinery, Bonnets, & Hats</b></big><br> +Eligantly Trimmed, from Virot'<br> +and other Modletes of the<br> +highest Parisian standing.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">The Prices of the Above are +Extremely Attractive.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. Stewart & Co.</big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>ARE OFFERING</small></p> + <p><big>A LARGE ASSORTMENT OF</big></p> + <p><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">AMERICAN MOQUETTE</span><br + style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Carpets,</span></big><br> + <small>IN NEW AND ELEGANT DESIGNS.</small><br> + <small>Warranted equal in quality and coloring<br> +to the very best French.</small><br> +Price only $3.50 per Yard.</p> + <p>Crossley's best quality Tapestry Brussels<br> +$1.25 per Yard.</p> + <p>Crossley's Velvets, Extra Quality,<br> +$2.25 per Yard.</p> + <p>Five-Frame English Body Brussels,<br> +$1.75 per Yard.</p> + <p><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">ROYAL WILTONS,</span></big><br> +$2.50 and $3 per Yard.</p> + <p><small>ALSO,</small><br> +Paris Quality Moquettes.<br> +AXMINSTERS BY THE YARD,<br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">AUBUSSONS & AXMINSTER</span></big> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">CARPETS</span></big><br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">IN ONE PIECE,</span><br> +WITH SPLENDID MEDALLIONS AND BORDERS<br> +TO MATCH.</p> + <p>AND THEY ARE CONSTANTLY<br> +IN THE RECEIPT OF<br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">All the Novelties</span></big></big><br> +IN THE ABOVE LINE, AS PRODUCED.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + <p><big>4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS.</big></p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table width="800" align="center" border="1" cellpadding="2" + cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td rowspan="2" width="66%"> + <center> <img src="images/64.jpg" alt=""> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">A SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING.</p> + <p><i>Oyster Opener.</i> "WILL YER HAVE SOUND OYSTERS?"</p> + <p><i>Newly-arrived Cockney.</i> "WILL I 'AVE <i>SOUND</i> +HOYSTERS!—NOW DO I LOOK LIKE THAT KIND OF RIDICULOUS HIDIOT AS 'D EAT <i>UN</i>SOUND +HOYSTERS?"</p> + </center> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p><small><small>"THE PRINTING HOUSE OF THE UNITED STATES"</small></small><br> +AND<br> + <small><small>"THE UNITED STATES ENVELOPE MANUFACTORY."</small></small></p> + <p><b>GEORGE F. NESBITT & CO</b></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">163,165,167,169 Pearl St., & +73,75,77,79 Pine St., New-York.</p> + <p><small>Execute all kinds of</small><span + style="font-weight: bold;"><br> + </span> <b>PRINTING,</b><br> + <small>Furnish all kinds of</small><span + style="font-weight: bold;"><br> + </span> <b>STATIONERY,</b><br> + <small>Make all kinds of</small><br> + <b>BLANK BOOKS,<br> + </b> <small> Execute the finest styles of</small> <b>LITHOGRAPHY</b><br> + <small>Makes the Best and Cheapest<br> + </small> <b>ENVELOPES</b><br> +Ever offered to the Public.</p> + <p><small>They have made all the pre-paid Envelopes for the +United States Post-Office Department for the past 16 years, and have +INVARIABLY BEEN THE LOWEST BIDDERS. Their Machinery is the most +complete, rapid and economical known in the trade.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small>Travelers West and South-West Should<br> +bear in mind that the</small> <b><br> +ERIE RAILWAY<br> + </b> <small><b>IS BY FAR THE CHEAPEST, QUICKEST, AND MOST +COMFORTABLE ROUTE,</b></small></p> + <p>Making Direct and Sure Connection at CINCINNATI,<br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">with all Lines<br> + </span> <b>By Rail or River</b><br> + <b>For NEW ORLEANS, LOUISVILLE, MEMPHIS, ST. LOUIS, VICKSBURG, +NASHVILLE, MOBILE,<br> +And All Points South and South-west.</b></p> + <p><small>Its DRAWING-ROOM and SLEEPING COACHES on all Express +Trains, running through to Cincinnati without change, are the most +elegant and spacious used upon any Road in this country, being fitted +up in the most elaborate manner, and having every modern improvement +introduced for the comfort of its patrons; running upon the BROAD +GAUGE; revealing scenery along the Line unequalled upon this Continent, +and rendering a trip over the <b>ERIE</b>, one of the delights and +pleasures of this life not to be forgotten.</small></p> + <p><small>By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., +Nos. 241, 529 and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 38 Greenwich St.; +cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 Fulton St., Brooklyn: +Depots foot of Chambers Street, and foot of 23d St., New York; and the +Agents at the principal hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket +they desire, as well as all the necessary information.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td colspan="2"> + <center> + <p><small><b>PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS:</b> "Joy of Autumn," +"Prairie Flowers," "Lake George," "West Point."<br> + <b>PRANG'S CHROMOS</b> Sold in all Art Stores throughout the +world.<br> + <b>PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE</b> sent free on receipt of +stamp.</small></p> + <b>L. PRANG & CO., Boston.</b> </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table + style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" + border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="width: 50%;"> + <div style="text-align: center;"> <big><big><big><span + style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO.</span></big></big></big><br> + <br> + <small>With a large and varied experience in the management and +publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and with the +still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the +undertaking, the</small><br> + <br> + <b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO</b>.<br> + <br> + <b>OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK,</b><br> + <br> +Presents to the public for approval, the new<br> + <br> + <b>ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL</b><br> + <br> + <small><b>WEEKLY PAPER,</b></small><br> + <br> + <big><big><b>PUNCHINELLO,</b></big></big><br> + <br> +The first number of which was issued under<br> +date of April 2.<br> + <br> + <b>ORIGINAL ARTICLES,</b><br> + <br> + <div style="text-align: center;"> Suitable for the paper, and +Original Designs,, or suggestive ideas or sketches for illustrations, +upon the topics of the day, are always acceptable and will be paid for +liberally.<br> + <br> +Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage stamps are +inclosed. </div> + </div> + <div style="text-align: center;"> <br> +TERMS:<br> + <br> +One copy, per year, in advance ....................... $4.00<br> + <br> +Single copies .......................................... .10<br> + <br> +A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten cents.<br> + <br> +One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other<br> +magazine or paper, price, $2.50, for ................. 5.50<br> + <br> +One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for.. 7.00 </div> + <br> + <div style="text-align: center;"> All communications, +remittances, etc., to be addressed to<br> + <br> + <b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</b><br> + <br> + <b>No 83 Nassau Street,</b><br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <b>P. O. Box, 2783. NEW YORK.</b> </div> + </td> + <td style="text-align: center;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. +DROOD.</big></big></p> + <p style="font-style: italic;">The New Burlesque Serial,</p> + <p><big>Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO,</big></p> + <p><small>BY</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>ORPHEUS C. KERR,</big></p> + <p><small>Commenced in No. 11. will be continued weekly +throughout the year.</small></p> + <p><small>A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom +friend, with superb illustrations of</small></p> + <p>1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, +TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY.</p> + <p>2ND. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE taken +as he appears "Every Saturday." will also be found in the same number.</p> + <br> + <p>Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen,<br> +(or mailed from this office, free,) Ten Cents.</p> + <p>Subscription for One Year, one copy,<br> +with $2 Chromo Premium. $4.</p> + <p><small>Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this +new serial, which promises to be the best ever written by ORPHEUS C. +KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular receipt weekly.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>We will send the first Ten +Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to<br> +any one who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on<br> +the receipt of SIXTY CENTS.</small></p> + <p>Address,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">P. O. Box 2783.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">83 Nassau St., New York.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<br> +<center> GEO. W, WHEAT & Co, PRINTER, NO. 8 SPRUCE STREET. </center> +<br> +<br> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello Vol. II., No. 30, October +22, 1870, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELL 30 *** + +***** This file should be named 10092-h.htm or 10092-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/0/9/10092/ + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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