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diff --git a/10035-h/10035-h.htm b/10035-h/10035-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..896411d --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/10035-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2106 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> + <meta content="text/html; charset=UTF-8" + http-equiv="Content-Type"> + <title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of PUNCHINELLO Vol. 2, No. 27.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + * { font-family: Times;} + HR { width: 33%; } + // --> + </style> +</head> +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10035 ***</div> + +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" align="center" border="1" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;"><big>CONANT'S</big><br> + </span></p> + <p>PATENT BINDERS FOR</p> + <p> <big><big><b>"PUNCHINELLO",</b></big></big></p> + <p>to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent post-paid, on +receipt of One Dollar,</p> + <p> by</p> + <p><b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,<br> + </b></p> + <p><b>83 Nassau Street, New York City.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p>We will Mail Free</p> + <p><small>A COVER</small><br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Lettered & Stamped,</span><br + style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">with New Title Page<br> + <br> + </span> <small>FOR BINDING<br> + <br> + </small> <b>FIRST VOLUME,</b></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">On Receipt of 50 Cents,</p> + <p><small>OR THE</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">TITLE PAGE ALONE, FREE,</p> + <p><small>On application to</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</p> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">83 Nassau Street.</span> </center> + </td> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>STEEL PENS.</big></big></big></p> + <p>These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and cheaper +than any other Pen in the market. Special attention is called to the +following grades, as being better suited for business purposes than any +Pen manufactured. The</p> + <p><b>"505," "22,"</b> and the <b>"Anti-Corrosive."</b></p> + <p>We recommend for bank and office use.</p> + <p><b>D. APPLETON & CO.,</b> <b><br> +Sole Agents for United States.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" align="center" border="0" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <center> <br> + <br> + <img alt="" src="images/01.jpg"><br> + <h1>PUNCHINELLO</h1> + <h2>Vol. II. No. 27.</h2> + <p>SATURDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1870.</p> + <br> + <h3>PUBLISHED BY THE</h3> + <br> + <h3>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</h3> + <br> + <br> + <h4>83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.</h4> + </center> + <br> + <br> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small>THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD, By ORPHEUS C. KERR, +Continued in this Number.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small>See 15th page for Extra Premiums.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<br> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" border="1" + style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="width: 30%;" rowspan="8"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>Bound Volume<br> + </big></big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>No. 1.</big><br> + </big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><br> + </big></big></p> + <p><small>The first volume of PUNCHINELLO, ending with No. 26, +September 24, 1870,<br> + <br> + </small></p> + <p><b><big><big>Bound in Fine Cloth,</big></big><br> + </b></p> + <p><b><br> + </b></p> + <p><small>will be ready for delivery on Oct. 1, 1870.</small></p> + <p><b>PRICE $2.50.</b></p> + <p>Sent postpaid to any part of the United States on receipt of +price.</p> + <br> + <p>A copy of the paper for one year, from October 1st, No. 27, +and the Bound Volume (the latter prepaid,) will be sent to any +subscriber for $5.50.</p> + <br> + <p>Three copies for one year, and three Bound Volumes, with an +extra copy of Bound Volume, to any person sending us three +subscriptions for $16.50.</p> + <p><b>One copy of paper for one year, with a fine chromo premium, +for------ $4.00<br> + <br> + </b></p> + <p><b>Single copies, mailed free .10<br> + <br> + </b></p> + <p>Back numbers can always be supplied, as the paper is +electrotyped.</p> + <p><br> +Book canvassers will find<br> +this volume a</p> + <p><b>Very Saleable Book.</b></p> + <p>Orders supplied at a very liberal discount.</p> + <p>All remittances should be made in</p> + <p>Post Office orders.</p> + <p>Canvassers wanted for the paper,</p> + <p>everywhere.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Address,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Punchinello Publishing Co.,</big></p> + <p><big>83 NASSAU ST.,<br> + </big></p> + <p><big>N. Y.</big></p> + <p><big>P.O. Box No, 2783.</big></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small style="font-weight: normal;">APPLICATIONS FOR +ADVERTISING IN</small><br> + <big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>"PUNCHINELLO"</big></big><br> + <small>SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO</small></p> + <p><big>JOHN NICKINSON,</big></p> + <p><small>ROOM No. 4,<br> +No. 83 Nassau Street, N. Y.</small></p> + </td> + <td rowspan="2" align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>FORST & AVERELL</big></big></p> + <p>Steam, Lithograph, and Letter Press</p> + <p><big><big>PRINTERS,<br> + <br> + </big></big> <span style="font-weight: bold;">EMBOSSERS, +ENGRAVERS, AND LABEL MANUFACTURERS.</span></p> + <p><small>Sketches and Estimates furnished upon application.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><b>23 Platt Street, and 20-22 Gold +Street,<br> + <br> + </b> NEW YORK.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">[P.O. BOX 2845.]</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;"> + <p><b>TO NEWS-DEALERS.</b><br> + <big><b>Punchinello's Monthly.</b></big><br> + <small>The Weekly Numbers for August,</small><br> + <b>Bound in a Handsome Cover,</b><br> +Is now ready. Price, Fifty Cents.</p> + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">THE TRADE</span><br> +Supplied by the<br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY,</span><br> + <small>Who are now prepared to receive Orders.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><big><b>WEVILL & HAMMAR</b>,<br> + <big>Wood Engravers,</big></big><br> + <b>208 Broadway</b>,<br> +NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>FOLEY'S<br> + <big>GOLD PENS.</big></big></big><br> + <span style="font-weight: normal;">THE BEST AND CHEAPEST.</span><br> +256 BROADWAY.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center; width: 33%;"> + <p><big>Bowling Green Savings-Bank<br> + </big><br> +33 BROADWAY,</p> + <p><br> + <b>NEW YORK</b>.</p> + <p>Open Every Day from<br> +10 A.M. to 3 P.M.</p> + <p><small><i>Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents<br> +to Ten Thousand Dollars will be received</i>.</small></p> + <p><b>Six per Cent interest,<br> +Free of Government Tax</b></p> + <p><small>INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS<br> +Commences on the First of every Month.</small></p> + <p>HENRY SMITH, <i>President<br> + <br> + </i> REEVES E. SELMES, <i>Secretary</i>.</p> + <p>WALTER ROCHE,<br> +EDWARD HOGAN, <i>Vice-Presidents</i>.</p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>The only Journal of its kind +in America!!</small></p> + <p><big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">The American +Chemist:</span></big></big><br> + <small>A MONTHLY JOURNAL OF</small><br> + <small><span style="font-weight: bold;">THEORETICAL, ANALYTICAL<br> +AND TECHNICAL CHEMISTRY</span></small><br> + <small>DEVOTED ESPECIALLY TO AMERICAN INTERESTS.</small><br> +EDITED BY<br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Chas. F. Chandler, Ph. D., & +W. H. Chandler.</span></p> + <p><small><small>The Proprietors and publishers of THE AMERICAN +CHEMIST, having purchased the subscription list and stock of the +American reprint of THE CHEMICAL NEWS, have decided to advance the +interests of American Chemical Science by the publication of a Journal +which shall be a medium of communication for all practical, thinking +experimenting, and manufacturing scientific men throughout the country.</small></small></p> + <p><small><small>The columns of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST are open for +the reception of original articles from any part of the country, +subject to approval of the editor. Letters of inquiry on any points of +interest within the scope of the Journal will receive prompt attention.</small></small></p> + <p><b>THE AMERICAN CHEMIST</b></p> + <p>Is a Journal of especial interest to</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>SCHOOLS AND MEN OF SCIENCE, +TO COLLEGES, APOTHECARIES, DRUGGISTS, PHYSICIANS ASSAYERS, DYERS, +PHOTOGRAPHERS, MANUFACTURERS,</small></p> + <p>And all concerned in scientific pursuits.</p> + <p><b>Subscription, $5.00 per annum, in advance; 50 cts. per +number. Specimen copies, 25 cts.</b></p> + <p>Address WILLIAM BALDWIN & CO.,<br> +Publishers and Proprietors.<br> +434 Broome Street, New York.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td rowspan="3" align="center"> + <p><small>A NEW AND MUCH-NEEDED BOOK.</small></p> + <p><b>MATERNITY</b><br> +A POPULAR TREATISE<br> +For Young Wives and Mothers</p> + <p><b>BY T. S. VERDI, A. M., M. D., OF WASHINGTON, D. C.</b></p> + <p><small>Dr. VERDI is a well-known and successful Homoeopathic +Practitioner, of thorough scientific training and large experience. His +book has arisen from a want felt in his own practice, as a Monitor to +Young Wives, a Guide to Young Mothers, and an assistant to the family +physician. It deals skilfully, sensibly, and delicately with the +perplexities of early married life, as connected with the holy duties +of Maternity, giving information which women must have, either in +conversation with physicians, or from such a source as this—evidently +the preferable mode of learning, for a delicate and sensitive woman. +Plain and intelligible, but without offense to the most fastidious +taste, the style of this book must commend it to careful perusal. It +treats of the needs, dangers, and alleviations of the time of travail; +and gives extended detailed instructions for the care and medical +treatment of infants and children throughout all the perils of early +life.</small></p> + <p><small>As a Mother's Manual, it will hare a large sale, and as +a book of special and reliable information on very important topics, it +will be heartily welcomed.</small></p> + <p><small>Handsomely printed on laid paper: bevelled boards, +extra English cloth, 12mo., 450 pages. Price $2.25.</small></p> + <p><small><i>For sale by all Booksellers, or will be sent +post-paid on receipt of the price by</i></small></p> + <p><b>J. B. FORD & CO., Publishers, 39 Park Row, New York.</b></p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">J. NICKINSON</p> + <p>begs to announce to the friends of</p> + <p><b>"PUNCHINELLO,"</b></p> + <p><small>residing in the country, that, for their convenience, +he has made arrangements by which, on receipt of the price of</small></p> + <p><b>ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED,</b></p> + <p><small>the same will be forwarded, postage paid.</small></p> + <p><small>Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our Publishing +Houses, can have the same forwarded by inclosing two stamps.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">OFFICE OF</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</p> + <p>83 Nassau Street.</p> + <p>[P.O. Box 2783.]</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><big><b>HENRY L. STEPHENS</b>,</big></p> + <p><b>ARTIST</b>,</p> + <p><b>No. 160 FULTON STREET</b>,</p> + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><b>GEO. B. BOWLEND</b>,</p> + <p><big><big>Draughtsman & Designer</big></big></p> + <p><b>No. 160 Fulton Street</b>,</p> + <p>Room No. 11,</p> + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table align="center" width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> + <p><small>Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year +1870, by the PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,<br> +in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States, for +the Southern District of New York.</small></p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img alt="PREFACE" src="images/03.jpg"> </center> + <p>"HALF a year, half a year, half a year onward," has +PUNCHINELLO advanced since he wafted his first number to the four +quarters of the globe.</p> + <p>His road has not been a very easy one to travel.</p> + <p>Bad characters lurked behind the fences, from which they would +sometimes take a sneak shot at the Showman as he passed. These fellows +were awfully bad shots, though, never so much as hitting the van in +which the show travels. PUNCHINELLO'S return fire always set the scamps +a-scampering, and all they had for their pains was the loss of their +ammunition, and the discovery that the row kicked up by them had +attracted crowds of people to the spot, so that PUNCHINELLO'S show was +capitally advertised by their noise.</p> + <p>PUNCHINELLO'S First Volume, then, is a substantial fact. It is +an entirely new, original, and complete article, which no family should +be without.</p> + <p>Read what the New York <i>Moon that Shines for All</i> says +about it:</p> + <p>"Put a head on yourself by reading PUNCHINELLO, Vol. 1. It is +by far the best tonic bitters in the market. It cured the editor of +this paper of a very malignant attack, (made by himself on +PUNCHINELLO,) after three applications."</p> + <p>Several gentle critics predicted an early death for +PUNCHINELLO on account of the buff color selected by him for his full +dress costume. Ha! ha! gentlemen, many a blow falls harmless on the +wearer of a buff-jerkin. As the old poet, whose name we have forgotten, +might have said, had he been in the humor—"He who will cuff it, Eke +should buff it,"—a maxim to which PUNCHINELLO gives his cordial +adhesion.</p> + <p>And now comes PUNCHINELLO to the beginning of his Second +Volume, encouraged by the success of his First.</p> + <p>If Vol. I of PUNCHINELLO was a <i>Chassepot</i>, (and it <i>did</i> +make some havoc in the ranks of the enemy,) Vol. II is intended to be a + <i>mitrailleuse</i>. It will be so arranged as to combine total +annihilation with bewitching music. For instance, by turning one of the +cranks by which it is worked, PUNCHINELLO will be able to project a +shower of such mortiferous missiles against all abettors of crime and +vice, all quacks, political and social, all corrupt officials, all +Congress, (except the Right Party,) all torpid fogies and peddlers of +red tape, all humbugs of every size and shape, in fact, as will +speedily reduce them to ashes. Then, by skilfully manipulating the +other crank, he can produce from it strains of such mellifluous harmony +that the very telegraph-poles will throng around him, as erstwhile did +the trees of the forest around ORPHEUS, and tender their services for +the transmission of his melting music to all the beautiful places on +Earth. It is hardly necessary to say that "Hail Columbia" is the very +first tune on the cylinder of PUNCHINELLO'S musical <i>mitrailleuse</i>.</p> + <p>With his mind's eye, (an apparatus expressly constructed for +and fitted to his mental organization by a renowned necromancer,) +PUNCHINELLO sees his Public surging towards him, and grasping with +outstretched hands at the showers of <i>bon bons</i> with which he +plentifully supplies them from an inexhaustible casket.</p> + <p>Among them are thousands of familiar forms, and these are +mostly in the front. After these come several thousands of new forms, +all pressing forward upon the heels of the others with an eagerness +that augurs for PUNCHINELLO Vol II a tremendous and unparalleled +success. Each of these good people carries four dollars ($4) in his +right hand, which he waves at PUNCHINELLO, who affably accepts the +greenbacks from him when within proper distance, and then, dipping his +pen in ink without a drop of gall in it, books the donor for a year's +subscription in advance.</p> + <p>As for party, PUNCHINELLO knows but one party—and that is the +Right Party. Stirring times are before us. The Right Party is not going +to lie down and sleep while the times are stirring. Nor is PUNCHINELLO. +When anything that interests the Right Party has got to be stirred, +PUNCHINELLO will be on hand. He has been so long used to starring it, +that he makes light of stirring it. He can stir with a red-hot poker +and he can stir with a feather,—"You pays your money and you takes your +choice."</p> + <p>And now, having stirred the spirit within him to a +demonstrative pitch, PUNCHINELLO shies his cocked hat into space, and +calls upon his Public to give three rousing cheers for the</p> + <p style="text-align: center;"><big><big><b>RIGHT PARTY.</b></big></big></p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <p><b>THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD.</b></p> + <p>AN ADAPTATION.</p> + <p>BY ORPHEUS C. KERR.</p> + <p>CHAPTER XX.</p> + <p>AN ESCAPE.</p> + <p>The bewildered Flowerpot had no sooner gained her own room, +enjoyed her agitated expression of face in the mirror, and tried four +differently colored ribbon-bows upon her collar in succession, than the +thought of becoming Mr. BUMSTEAD'S bride lost the charm of its first +wild novelty, and became utterly ridiculous. He was a man of commanding +stature, which his linen "duster" made appear still more long; the dark +circles around his eyes would disappear in time, and he had an abusive +way of referring to women which made him inexpressibly grand to women +as a true poet-soul; but would it be safe, would it be religiously +right, for a young girl, not yet conscious of her own full power of +annual monetary expenditure, to blindly risk her necessary expenses for +life upon one whom the cost of a single imported bonnet, in the +contingency of a General European War, might plunge into inextricable +pecuniary embarrassment? Possibly, the General European War might not +occur in an ordinary married-lifetime, as France was no longer in a +condition to menace England, Russia would be wary about provoking the +new Prussian giant, and Austria and Italy were not likely soon to +forget their last military misadventures; yet, while all the great +American journals had, for the last twenty years, published daily +editorials, by young writers from the country, to show that such a War +could not possibly be averted longer than about the day after tomorrow, +would it be judicious for a young girl to marry as though that War were +absolutely impossible? No! Her woman's heart sternly reiterated the +pitilessly negative; and, as the Ritualistic organist had plainly +evinced an earnest intention to let no foreign military complications +prevent her marriage with him, she felt that her only safety from his +matrimonial violence must be sought in flight.</p> + <p>With whom, though, could she take refuge? If she went to +MAGNOLIA PENDRAGON, all her dearest schoolmates would say, that they +had always loved her, despite her great faults, yet could not disguise +from themselves that she seemed at last to be fairly running after Miss +PENDRAGON'S brother. Besides, Mr. BUMSTEAD, offended by the seeming +want of confidence in him evinced by her flight, would, probably, take +measures publicly to identify MAGNOLIA'S alpaca garment with the +covering of his lost umbrella, and thus direct new suspicion against a +sister and brother already bothered almost into hysterics.</p> + <p>During the last few weeks, an attack of dyspepsia had laid the +foundation of a mind in the Flowerpot, as it generally does in other +young female American boarding-school thinkers, and she was now capable +of that subtle line of reasoning which is the great commendation of her +sex to a recognized perfect intellectual equality with man. Once +decided, by her apprehension of a General European War, against +marriage with J. BUMSTEAD, she took a rather irritable view of that too +attractive devotional musician, and inferred, from his not being +wealthy enough to stand the test of possible transatlantic hostilities, +that he must, himself, have killed EDWIN DROOD. His umbrella, it was +well known, had been present at that fatal Christmas dinner; and a +thoughtless insult offered to it, even by his nephew, might have made a +demon of him. Suppose that EDWIN, upon returning to the dining-room +that night, after his temporary exercise in the open air with +MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON, had found his uncle, flushed with cloves, +endeavoring to force a social glass of lemon tea upon the umbrella, +under the impression that it was a person, and had unthinkingly accused +him thereat of being momentarily unsettled in his faculties? Probably, +then, hot words would have passed between them; each telling the other +that he would have a nice headache in the morning and find it +impossible not to look very sleepy even if he fixed his hair ever so +elaborately. Blows might have followed: the uncle, in his anger, hewing +the nephew limb from limb with the carving knife from the table, and +subsequently carrying away the remains to the Pond and there casting +them in. Suppose, in his natural excitement, the uncle had hurriedly +used the umbrella, opened and held downward, to carry the remains in; +and, after coming home again, and snatching a nap under the table, had +forgotten all about it, and thus been ever since inconsolable for his +alpaca loss? As the young orphan argued thus exhaustively to herself, +the extreme probability of her suppositions made her more and more +frenzied to fly instantly beyond the reach of one who, in the event of +a General European War, would not be a husband whom her head could +approve.</p> + <p>After penning a hasty farewell note to Miss CAROWTHERS, to the +effect that urgent military reasons obliged her to see her guardian at +once, FLORA lost no time in packing a small leather satchel for travel. +Two bottles of hair oil, a jar of glycerine, one of cold cream, two +boxes of powder, a package of extra back-hair, a phial of belladonna, a +camel's-hair brush for the eyebrows, a rouge-saucer for pinking the +nails, four flasks of perfumery, a depilatory in a small flagon, and +some tooth paste, were the only articles she could pause to collect for +her precipitate escape; and, with them in the satchel on her arm, and a +bonnet and shawl hurriedly thrown on, she stole away down-stairs, and +thus from the house.</p> + <p>Hastening to the Roach House, from whence started an omnibus +for the ferry, she was quickly rattling out of Bumsteadville in a +vehicle remarkable for the great number and variety of noises it could +make when maddened into motion by a span of equine rivals in an +immemorial walking-match.</p> + <p>"Now, BONNER," she said to the driver, taking leave of him at +the ferry-boat, "be sure and let Miss CAROWTHERS know that you saw me +safely off, and that I was not a bit more tired than if I had walked +all the way."</p> + <p>Blushing with pleasure at the implied compliment to his +equipage from such lips, the skilled horseman had not the heart to +object to the wildly mutilated fragment of currency with which his fare +had been paid, and went back to where his steeds were taking turns in +holding each other up, as happy a man as ever lost money by the change +in woman.</p> + <p>Reaching the city, Miss POTTS was promptly worshiped by a +hackman of marked conversational powers, who, whip in hand, assured her +that his carriage was widely celebrated under the titles of the +"Rocking Chair," the "Old Shoe," and the "Glider," on account of its +incredible ease of motion; and that, owing to its exquisite +abbreviation of travel to the emotions, those who rode in it had +actually been known to dispute that they had ridden even half the +distance for which they were charged. Did he know where Mr. DIBBLE, the +lawyer, lived, in Nassau Street, near Fulton? If she meant lawyer +DIBBLE, near Fulton Street, in Nassau, next door but one to the second +house below, and directly opposite the building across the way, there +was just one span of buckskin horses in the city that could take a +carriage built expressly for ladies to that place, as naturally as +though it were a stable. It was a place that he—the hackman—always +associated with his own mother, because he was so familiar with it in +childhood, and had often thought of driving to it blindfolded for a +wager.</p> + <p>Proud to learn that her guardian was so well known in the +great city, and delighted that she had met a charioteer so minutely +familiar with his house of business, FLORA stepped readily into the +providential hack, which thereupon instantly began Rocking-Chair-ing, +Old-Shoe-ing, and Gliding. Any one of these celebrated processes, by +itself, might have been desirable; but their indiscriminate and +impetuous combination in the present case gave the Flowerpot a confused +impression that her whole ride was a startling series of incessant +sharp turns around obdurate street corners, and kept her plunging about +like an early young Protestant tossed in a Romish blanket. +Instinctively holding her satchel aloft, to save its fragile contents +from fracture, she rocked, shoed and glided all over the interior of +the vehicle, without hope of gaining breath enough for even one scream, +until, nearly unconscious, and, with her bonnet driven half-way into +her chignon, she was helped out by the hackman at her guardian's door.</p> + <p>"I am dying!" she groaned.</p> + <p>"Then please remember me in your will, to the extent of two +dollars," returned the hackman with much humor. "You're only a little +sea-sick, miss; as often happens to people in humble circumstances when +they ride in a kerridge for the first time."</p> + <p>Still panting, Miss POTTS paid and discharged this friendly +man, and, weariedly entering the building, followed the signs up-stairs +to her guardian's office.</p> + <p>After knocking several times at the right door without reply, +she turned the knob, and entered so softly that the venerable lawyer +was not aroused from the slumber into which he had fallen in his chair +by the window. With a copy of <i>Putnam's Magazine</i> still grasped +in his honest right hand, good Mr. DIBBLE slept like a drugged person; +nor could the young girl awaken him until, by a happy inspiration, she +had snatched away the monthly and cast it through the casement.</p> + <p>"Am I dreaming?" exclaimed the aged man, when thus suddenly +rescued from his deadly lethargy at last "Is that you, my dear; or are +you your late mother?"</p> + <p>"I am your ridiculously unhappy ward," answered the Flowerpot, +tremulously. "Oh, poor, dear, absurd EDDY!"</p> + <p>"And you have come here all alone?"</p> + <p>"Yes; and to escape being married to EDDY'S perfectly hateful +uncle, who has the same as ordered me to become his utterly disgusted +bride. Oh, why is it, why is it, that I must be thus persecuted by +young men without property! Why is it that perfectly horrid madmen on +salaries are allowed to claim me as their own!"</p> + <p>"My dear," cried the old lawyer, leading her to a chair, and +striving to speak soothingly, "if Mr. BUMSTEAD desires to marry you he +must indeed be insane. Such a man ought really to be confined," he +continued, pacing thoughtfully up and down the room. "This must have +been the idea that was already turning his brain when—bless my soul!—he +actually intimated, first, that I, and then, that Mr. SIMPSON, had +killed his nephew!"</p> + <p>"He thinks, now, that I, or MAGNOLIA PENDRAGON, may have done +it,—the hateful creature!" said FLORA, passionately.</p> + <p>"I see, I see," assented Mr. DIBBLE, nodding. "When he has you +in his head, my dear, he himself must clearly be out of it. You shall +stay here and take tea with me, and then I will take you to FRENCH'S +Hotel for your accommodation during the night."</p> + <p>It was a sight to see him tenderly help her off with her +bonnet; and suggestive to hear him say, that if a man could only take +off his brains as easily as a woman hers, what a relief it would be to +him occasionally. It was curious to see him peep into her bottle-filled +satchel, with an old man's freedom; and to hear him audibly wonder +thereat, whether, after all, men were any more addicted than women to +the social glass when they wanted to put a better face on affairs. And, +after the waiter bringing him toast and tea from a neighboring +restaurant had brought an additional slice and cup for the guest, it +was pleasant to behold him smiling across the office-table at that +guest, and encouraging her to eat as much as she would if a member of +his sex were not looking.</p> + <p>"It must be absurdly ridiculous to stay here all alone, as you +do, sir," observed FLORA.</p> + <p>"But I am not always alone," answered Mr. DIBBLE. "My clerk, +Mr. BLADAMS, now taking a vacation in the country, is generally here +though, to be sure, I may lose him before long. He's turned literary."</p> + <p>"How perfectly frightful!" said Miss POTTS.</p> + <p>"He has set up for a genius, my child, and is now engaged upon +a great American novel. Discontented with the law, he is giving great +attention to this; but Free Trade will not, I am afraid, allow any +American publisher to bring it out."</p> + <p>"Free Trade?" repeated FLORA.</p> + <p>"Yes, my dear, Free Trade; that is, while American publishers +can steal foreign novels for nothing, they are not going to pay +anything for native fiction."</p> + <p>Yawning behind her hand, the Flowerpot murmured something +about Free Trade being positively absurd, and her guardian went on:</p> + <p>"Nevertheless, Mr. BLADAMS is going on-with his work, which he +calls 'The Amateur Detective;' and if it ever does come out you shall +have a copy.—But, by the by," added the lawyer, suddenly, "you have not +yet fully described to me the interview in which poor Mr. EDWIN'S uncle +offered to become your husband."</p> + <p>She gave him a full history of the Ritualistic organist's +handsome offer to her of his H. and H.; adding her own final decision +in the matter as precipitated by the possibility of a General European +war; and Mr. DIBBLE heard the whole with an air of studious attention.</p> + <p>"Although I have certainly no particular reason for +befriending Mr. BUMSTEAD," said he, reflectively, "I shall take +measures to keep him from you. Now come with me to FRENCH'S Hotel. +To-morrow I will call there for you, you know, and then, perhaps, you +may be taken to see your friend, Miss PENDRAGON."</p> + <p>Having obtained for his ward a room in the hotel named, and +seen her safely to its shelter, the good old lawyer visited the +bar-room of the establishment, for the purpose of ascertaining whether +any evil-disposed person could get in through that way for the +disturbance of his fair charge. After which he departed for his home in +Gowanus.</p> + <p>(<i>To be Continued</i>.)</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>MOTTO FOR ALL GOOD CUBANS.</b>—"The labor we delight in +physics (S)pain."</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE PLAYS AND SHOWS.</b></p> + <p><img alt="P" align="left" src="images/05.jpg">unctually as +announced, the FIFTH AVENUE THEATRE has re-opened. It has been improved +by the addition of several private boxes that remind one of the square +pews in old-fashioned churches, (by the way, why do Puseyites object to +pews?) and by the erection of a hydrant near the conductor's seat, so +that when the audience can endure STOEPEL'S music no longer, they can +turn on the water and drown him and his long-winded orchestra. This +latter improvement meets with our hearty approval, and we earnestly +hope to see it put to the excellent use for which it is designed +without further delay. Manager DALY is now offering to his patrons the +new comedy of <i>Man and Wife</i>. The old-fashioned play of that +name, which is daily acted everywhere about us, is usually more of a +tragedy than a comedy, but Mr. DALY'S <i>Man and Wife</i> is comedy, +farce, muscular christianity, and paralysis pleasantly mingled +together. As thus:</p> + <p>ACT I.—GEOFFREY DELAMAYN <i>and his brother are seen +conversing in an arbor. (Don't let the printer imagine that I mean Ann +Arbor. It was bad enough in</i> WILKIE COLLINS <i>to banish his +dramatis personae to Scotland; but he was nevertheless too humane to +send them to Michigan</i>.)</p> + <p>JULIUS DELAMAYN. "GEOFFREY, you really must do something. The +unmannerly people who are just coming into the theatre make such a +noise that I couldn't be heard if I took the trouble to preach to you +for an hour, so I won't attempt to make my meaning any clearer."</p> + <p>GEOFFREY. "I will or I won't, I forget which. However, the +audience can't hear. We've got a pretty good house here to-night I +wonder if my muscles really show to any extent. Here comes LADY LUNDIE +and her friends."</p> + <p>LADY LUNDIE. "I choose everybody to play croquet on my side. +The rest may play on BLANCHE'S side. Miss SYLVESTER, you look as if you +could not stand alone. Therefore I order you to play."</p> + <p>ANNIE SYLVESTER. "Madame, I will. GEOFFREY, meet me here in +ten minutes, or you'll be sorry for it." (Exit everybody. ANNIE and +GEOFFREY returning on tip-toe.)</p> + <p>ANNIE. "You must marry me this afternoon. Meet me at the inn +on the moor."</p> + <p>GEOFFREY. "I won't cross the moor with you. DESDEMONA +foolishly crossed the Moor, and came to grief in consequence. I take +warning by her. I hate you, but I suppose I must marry you, or you'll +sell all my letters to the <i>Sun</i>."—(<i>They go out to be married</i>.)</p> + <p>ARNOLD <i>enters and makes love to</i> BLANCHE. SIR PATRICK <i>does +the comic business with</i> LEWIS'S <i>usual humor</i>. (<i>What a +nice man</i> LEWIS <i>must be for girls to quarrel with; he "makes up" +so nicely—this is a joke</i>.) LADY LUNDIE <i>enters and announces that</i> +ANNIE <i>is no longer her governess, that misguided person having +thrown up her situation, for the irrational reason that it was an +interesting one, and having fled in the silence of the after-dinner +hour. Shrieks of horror from the young ladies, who desist from knocking +their croquet-balls into the orchestra and the proscenium boxes; and +triumphant falling of a new act-drop</i>. STOEPEL, <i>having thought +of a sweet passage for the fife, in a Chinese opera, plays it +uninterruptedly for forty-five minutes. A deaf old gentleman +approvingly remarks that this is really classical music</i>.</p> + <p>ACT II.—<i>A storm at the inn on the Moor</i>. Miss SYLVESTER <i>waits +for her</i> GEOFFREY <i>and her tea. Enter</i> ARNOLD.</p> + <p>ARNOLD. " GEOFFREY can't come, so he has sent me. I know your +situation, and shall have to feel for you if it gets much darker and +they don't bring candles. That is, if I'm to shake hands with you. I +have told everybody here that you are my wife. Let's have a little game +of seven-up, and pass the time profitably."</p> + <p>ANNIE. "Oh, villain (I mean GEOFFREY,) you have +de-ser-er-erted me. Oh, rash young person, (I mean you, ARNOLD,) I'm +inclined to think that you've married me by Scotch law, without having +meant it. If so, you'll have to go to America and see BEECHER about a +divorce." (<i>Curtain subsequently falls, and</i> STOEPEL <i>orders +the big drum to beat for an hour, while the musicians take advantage of +the noise to tune their instruments.) Deaf old gentleman remarks again +that he does like</i> WAGNER'S <i>music. Half the audience hold their +ears, while the other half flee madly away until the entr' acte is over</i>.</p> + <p>ACT III.—GEOFFREY <i>boxes with his trainer, and slings +Indian clubs and wooden dumb-bells</i>.</p> + <p>GEOFFREY. "There! Thank heaven I didn't break anything. The +scenery, the footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the +week is out, however, if this prize-ring business isn't cut out. Here +comes ARNOLD."</p> + <p>ARNOLD. "How's Miss SYLVESTER?"</p> + <p>GEOFFREY. "If you say anything more about her, I'll put a head +on you. She's your wife. You're a married man."</p> + <p>ARNOLD. "<i>Married</i>! You infamous editor of a two cent +daily paper; I deny it. (<i>Curtain again falls, and</i> STOEPEL <i>plays +the entire opera of</i> ERNANI <i>for two hours. Deaf old gentleman +remarks that music is the</i> STOEPEL <i>entertainment at this +theatre, and that he really likes it. The rest of the audience look at +him with horror, as though he were a sort of aggravated and superfluous +cannibal</i>.)</p> + <p>ACT IV.—<i>Sir</i> PATRICK <i>proves that</i> GEOFFREY <i>is +married to</i> ANNIE, <i>and that</i> ARNOLD <i>isn't</i>. GEOFFREY <i>takes +his weeping wife home with him. Everybody finds out that</i> GEOFFREY <i>is +an enormous liar and an unmitigated blackguard. Through the open +windows are seen the editors of the Sun and the Free Press, each +determined to be the first to offer</i> GEOFFREY <i>a place on the +staff of his respective journal. The curtain falls and</i> STOEPEL <i>directs +each member of the orchestra to play the tune that he may like best. +After three hours of this sort of thing a humane person in the audience +brings in a saw and begins to file it. The rest of the audience are +thereupon gently lulled to sleep by the music of the file—so soft and +soothing does it sound by contrast with</i> STOEPEL'S <i>demoniac +orchestra.</i></p> + <p>ACT V.—ANNIE, <i>in the midst of misery and a gorgeous silk +dress with lace trimmings, is seen going to bed in her best clothes, +and without taking her hair down—this being the well-known custom among +fashionably dressed girls</i>. GEOFFREY <i>enters and attempts to +strangle her, but she is awakened by the considerate forethought of a +dumb woman, who loudly calls her, and</i> GEOFFREY <i>conveniently +lies down and dies of paralysis. All the rest of the dramatis personae +enter, and indulge in exclamations of joy. The curtain falls for the +last time, and</i> STOEPEL <i>is removed under the protection of a +strong platoon of policemen, to the secret abode where</i> DALY <i>keeps +him hidden during the day from the wrath of an outraged public</i>.</p> + <p>And the undersigned goes home to breakfast—it being now nearly +6 A.M.—reflecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the +scenery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the +play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,) +the pluck of the young manager, and the unredeemed badness of the +orchestra, as it is conducted by Mr. STOEPEL. Tell me, gentle DALY, +tell; why in the name of all that is intelligent, do you let STOEPEL +transform each <i>entr' acte</i> at your theatre into a prolonged +purgatory, by the villainous way in which he plays the most execrable +music, for the most intolerable periods of time?</p> + <p>MATADOR.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>L. N. IN PRUSSIA.</b></p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Yes, +I am quite upset;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">In fact, I'm dizzy yet</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">With all that rapid riding, day +and night;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">But still, two things I see;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They've made an end of Me,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And blown the Empire higher than +a kite!<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Yes, here I am, at last—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And all my dreams are past.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">didn't think to enter Prussia +thus!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Confound that "Vorwarts" man!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">When first the war began</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He seemed as logy as an omnibus.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Faugh! smell the Sweitzer Kaise!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">The same in every place, eh?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">How these big Germans love an +ugly stench!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">My! what a taste they've got</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">For articles that rot;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And can it be, they live so near +the French?<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">I'm in a pretty nest!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And, worse than all the rest,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Is thinking how I got here; +there's the rub.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">When I have mused awhile</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">On all my luck, so vile,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I almost wish they'd hit me with +a club!<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">It's very well to say—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">"I might have won the day,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">If things had only gone this way +or that;"</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">I should have <i>made</i> them +go,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And let these Germans know</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">That <i>they</i> must go, too! +or be cut down flat.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They didn't go, it seems;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Except 'twas in my dreams!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And, consequently, I must bid +good bye</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">To titles, power and state,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Which I enjoyed of late,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And curse my dismal fate—poor +Louis and I!</span> </div> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE PLYMOUTH ROCK.</b></p> + <p>The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand +of society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one +to believe that Mr. PUNCHINELLO does not like a little fresh air. And +surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize no one's +social standing if the thing is not repeated too often. At least so +thought Mr. P., and he determined, one fine morning last week, that he +would hurry up his business as fast as possible, and take a trip on +Col. FISK'S steamboat to Sandy Hook. A man calling with a bundle of +puns detained him so long that he found that he would not be able to +reach the 11 A.M. boat without he made unusual haste.</p> + <p>Rushing into the street, therefore, he hailed a passing hack, +and ordered the driver to take him, as quickly as possible, to the +Plymouth Rock.</p> + <img alt="" align="right" src="images/06.jpg"> + <p>When the carriage stopped, and the man opened the door, Mr. P. +rubbed his eyes, for he had fallen into a doze, on the way, and sprang +hastily out.</p> + <p>But what a sight met his gaze!</p> + <p>Before him was the hack, covered with mud and dust, and the +horses in a position indicating utter exhaustion: to his right lay a +huge unsymmetrical stone, while behind him rolled the heaving waters of +Cape Cod bay! The man had mistaken his directions, and had driven him +to JOHN CARVER'S old Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, instead of JAMES +FISK Jr.'s steamboat at Pier 28, North River.</p> + <p>"There's the rock, yer honor," said the man, pointing to the +mis-shapen stone, "and an awful time I've had a drivin' yer honor to +it."</p> + <p>"How long have you been, coming here?" asked the astounded Mr. +P.</p> + <p>"Nigh on to three days, yer honor, and I drove as fast as I +could, hopin' to get back by the Sunday in time for the Centhral Park, +but I had to stop sometimes for feed and wather, and it's no use me +whippin' up afther all, for sorra the good them horses will be for the +Centhral Park on the Sunday."</p> + <p>"And how much do I owe you for all this?" asked Mr. P.</p> + <p>"Well, sir," said the man, "I won't charge your honor nothin' +for the feed and my victuals, for I'd had to have found them if yer +hadn't a hired me; and I'll only charge ye three dollars a hour, for +sure yer honor never give me the least thruble, slapeing there as swate +as an infant all the time, and that'll be jist two hundred and four +dollars, and if yet honor could give me a thrifle besides to drink yer +health, I'd be obliged to yer honor."</p> + <img alt="" align="left" src="images/07a.jpg"> + <p>Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, +and the rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars +and twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and +declared his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about +forty miles away, and taking the railroad for New York</p> + <p>"If I don't, ye see, yer honor, I'll never get back in time +for the Sunday; and the horses will be restin' in the cars."</p> + <img alt="" align="right" src="images/07b.jpg"> + <p>As the man made his preparations and departed, Mr. P. stood +and watched him until he slowly faded out of sight.</p> + <p>When he had entirely disappeared, Mr. P. sat down upon the +rock and reflected.</p> + <p>Now that he was here, what had he best do? He had never seen <img + alt="" align="left" src="images/07c.jpg"> the rock before, and as it +struck him that possibly some of his patrons might be in the same +unfortunate condition, he concluded that he would take a few sketches +of it for their benefit. But he did not succeed very well. The first +drawing he made had a strange appearance. It looked more like an old +woman tied to a post, and surrounded by what seemed to be flames, than +anything else. This surely was not a correct view of this famous rock, +and so Mr. P. commenced another sketch. This, however, looked so much +like a man with a broad-brimmed hat, hanging by his neck to a rope, +that he concluded to try again.</p> + <p>His next sketch bore a striking resemblance to something that +certainly did not seem like a rock, but which, after some deliberation, +he found to look very much like a shrinking Southern negro, forced into +the ranks to supply the place of a citizen of Massachusetts. Everybody +might not be able to see this, but Mr. P. thought he perceived it +plainly.</p> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/07d.jpg"> </center> + <p>The last sketch made by Mr. P. somewhat resembled one whose +connection with "The Plymouth Rock" has certainly been of more +practical benefit to the public than that of any of the " old +founders," or anybody else—at least so far as Mr. P. can see. If any +one doubts this, let him ask General GRANT.</p> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/07e.jpg"> </center> + <p>Now should his readers see anything at all suggestive of sober +and beneficial reflection in these sketches, Mr. P.'s visit to Plymouth +Rock was not made in vain.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>A LETTER FROM L. N.</b></p> + <p>DEAR PUNCHINELLO: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time +hence, it should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of +writing this letter, you will please understand that I wasn't there, at +that moment, having had a little business to transact with my good +friend WILLIAMS, of PRUSSIA. I am at present engaged upon a tour of the +German States in the company of a pleasant little excursion party, who +met me at Sedan, and received me warmly.</p> + <p>Everybody seems glad to greet me, particularly at this time, +and all express regrets that I couldn't have come earlier in the +season. They are aware of the interest I have ever felt in the great +German people, and I am assured they welcome with enthusiasm my pet +theory of the solidarity of nations.</p> + <p>I intend remaining here awhile, feeling sure that there is +nothing to call me homeward for the present. The truth is, my friend, I +am getting weaned of the French people. So soon as my obligations to my +very good friends in Prussia will permit, you may look for me in New +York. Yes, dear PUNCHINELLO, greatest and beet of Philosophers! expect +to see me walking into your Sanctum one of these fine +mornings,—probably with my son LOUIS,—delighted to see you, and glad to +turn my back on those scenes so long familiar, which, in their new and +popular dress, could hardly be expected to afford me much exhilaration.</p> + <p>From an inferior man, I should expect officious and quite +gratuitous commiseration over the fate of the late Empire. You, +however, will readily perceive it to be possible that I should rather +be congratulated. You would not exchange your dignified leisure, your +careless toils, for the best of sovereignties. Why, then, should I, who +have made you my exemplar, feel a pang at parting with a sceptre which +for years has only tired my hand?</p> + <p>I picture myself seated with my family on the heights at +Weehawken, smoking a good cigarette, and musing on the affairs of +nations as I watch the flow of that superb river (as much finer than +the Rhine, my friend, as wine is finer than lagerbier!) which I have +often, in days gone by, admired and extolled by the hour.</p> + <p>I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son +the Prince of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the +Inevitable.</p> + <p>And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable +that I was always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable +Prussian. But I have faced much more terrible things. In your very city +of Hoboken, I have stood face to face with a German creditor! Will any +one henceforth doubt my fortitude?</p> + <p>I have one rather comforting reflection, apropos to that <i>rencontre.</i> +I have taken care to arm myself against future assaults of that nature. +I am Gold-Plated.</p> + <p>If your highly-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict +me in a connection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make +a sketch entitled: "The Two Exiles,"—one of whom may be,my Uncle at St. +Helena; the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of +wine at my side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PUNCHINELLO in +the other!</p> + <p>But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the +(d)evil thereof.</p> + <p>Royally yours,</p> + <p>L. N.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Maxim for the next new President.</b></p> + <p>"A place for everybody, and everybody in his place."</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/08.jpg"> + <p><b>ON COLOR</b>.</p> + <p><i>Cousin Bella, (admiring picture.)</i> "HOW IS IT, FRED, +THAT YOU PRODUCE SUCH LOVELY COLOR, AND WITH SO MUCH FACILITY?"</p> + <p><i>Fred, (thinking of his meerschaum.)</i> "I DON'T TELL +EVERYBODY THAT, YOU INQUISITIVE TEASE, BUT FACT IS, I PUT THE STUMP OF +AN OLD PAINT-BRUSH IN THE BOWL, AND SMOKE THE OILIEST TOBACCO I CAN +FIND."</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE BATTLE AT SEDAN.</b></p> + <p>Special Correspondence of Punchinello.</p> + <p>(This paper is the only paper on the planet which has a +correspondent at the seat of war, wherever that seat may be. The +following dispatch was sent to us by cable at a total expense of +$21,000.)</p> + <p>It was a still, calm night, the glorious moon was sailing +through the sky; the river was running water; the clouds were cloudy; +the soldiers were soldiering. I stepped out of my tent and tumbled over +VON MOLTKE. He took my arm and invited me to the tent of the Crown +Prince.</p> + <p>"MOLTY," said I, "what's your little game?"</p> + <p>"Penny ante," replied he.</p> + <p>"<i>Trés bien,</i>" added I.</p> + <p>"You are a French spy. Ha! ha!" said he, grasping my collar. +"Ho! Ho!"</p> + <p>"<i>Das ish goot,</i>" added I.</p> + <p>"Then you're Dutch," sighed he, dropping me like a hot pair of +tongs.</p> + <p>In the tent we found the King, the Crown Prince, Gen. +STEINMETZ, Gen. SHERIDAN, and Gen. FORSYTH.</p> + <p>"MOLTY," said I, "introduce me to the King."</p> + <p>"BILL," said he, "this is JENKINS."</p> + <p>BILL held out his foot and I took a suck at his great toe.</p> + <p>Then we went at the game. BILL is pretty good at it, but then +he doesn't stand any chance beside MOLTY. The Crown Prince lost at +least fourteen cents, and, just as he had a splendid opportunity to +retrieve his losses, in came an aide, who announced that the French had +squatted.</p> + <p>"Where?" cried VON MOLTKE.</p> + <p>"In Sedan," replied the aide.</p> + <p>"I knew it," said MOLTY. "BILL, I told you they had no horses +for a regular carriage."</p> + <p>Then we went out. The King invited me to sit in his carriage +with MOLTY and SHERIDAN. We reached the scene of war.</p> + <p>The moon shone; the mountains were mountainous; the trees were +treey; and the soft September breeze was breezy. BISMARCK came up and +asked the King to let him cut behind.</p> + <p>"BIS," said I, "take my seat; I'll take a trip to the French +camp."</p> + <p>So I tripped over to the French camp and found things somewhat +mixed. The moon shone. Steadily the Prussian troops advanced; and, with +a heroism worthy of a better cause, the French retreated. The Emperor +wanted to die in the rear of his men.</p> + <p>"NAP," said I, "you'd better get up and get. The Prussians are +coming."</p> + <p>"JENKINS," said he, "kiss me for my mother, I'm betrayed."</p> + <p>"Why didn't you have more cheesepots?" said I.</p> + <p>"I'll surrender," said he, "get out a white flag."</p> + <p>So I took one of EUGENIE'S old pocket-handkerchiefs which I +found in the tent, stuck it on the end of the sabre of the nephew of +his uncle, put NAP in the carriage, jumped in myself and drove to the +Prussian camp. The moon shone; all nature smiled; the rivers were +rivery; the Sedans were chairy.</p> + <p>BILL received us very coolly at first, but I gave BIS the +wink, and he suggested to his Majesty that he'd better take the Emperor +prisoner.</p> + <p>"NAP," said BILL, "is the game up?"</p> + <p>"BILL," said NAP, "you've scored the game. I leave my old +clothes to the Regent. I hope she'll like the breeches."</p> + <p>Then he treated to cigarettes, and we all went back to our +game of penny ante. NAP wouldn't join us. He said he'd just been +playing a game with crowns ante and he was busted. We'd hardly got the +cards dealt, when BILL turned to BISMARCK and asked, "I say, BIS, won't +you run over and telegraph to the old woman something about our FRITZ?"</p> + <p>"Let JENKINS go," said BIS.</p> + <p>Of course I assented to the proposition.</p> + <p>"Where the devil is FRITZ?" said BILL.</p> + <p>"Oh, he's been sleeping for the last two hours," said MOLTKE.</p> + <p>"Never mind," said BILL, "telegraph a victory by FRITZ."</p> + <p>So I telegraphed,</p> + <p>"A great victory has been won by our FRITZ. What great things +have we done for ourselves! We'll keep it up, old woman,</p> + <p>(Signed) BILL."</p> + <p>When I reached the tent everybody was asleep. NAP was +reclining gracefully on the breast of BISMARCK, as affectionately as if +they were brothers-in-law. The moon shone; the sky was skyey; the hills +were hilly; and all nature was getting up.</p> + <p>Anybody who says the above did not come over the cable lies, +wickedly, maliciously lies, with intent to deceive. As soon as JACK +SMITH'S smack sails, I'll send you a piece of the cable it came over.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <br> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/09.jpg"> + <p><b>Mr. Bull: The Sutler of the World.</b></p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <br> + <p><b>HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM</b></p> + <p>He Reviews the Career of a Lunatic. — A Graduate with Nice +Ideas.</p> + <p>KING WILYAM, Most noble Loonatic:</p> + <p><i>We gates all der while!</i> Accordin' to the Marine Cable, +I understand you've given old BONEY a <i>slosh on der cope mit der +Sweitzer case;</i> or in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON +has taken his Umpire, and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit +of Judge or Jewry.</p> + <p>I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the +Umpire tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in +his panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his +nabors.</p> + <p>I've allers heard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the +French say you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, "Be be Jost or +Gobler damed," to cote from our friend BILLY SHAKESPEER.</p> + <p>We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, +mor'en once.</p> + <p>If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can +wallop his wife to his heart's content; and if anybody interferes, he +can popp him off with a six shooter, and the law will stand to his back.</p> + <p>Judges and Jewrys, when tryin' such a man, think he is sum +punkins, while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated +Loonatic's fotograf onto their first page.</p> + <p>I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the +melon-colic, (this bein' the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of +the <i>pro temper</i> kind?</p> + <p>I shoulden't wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited +it from your illustrous Antsister, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about +as sassy a Loonatic as you can pick up.</p> + <p>What <i>we</i> need just now, and what <i>we</i> have needed +for a good while, is a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as +minister.</p> + <p>With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them 'ere little +Alabarmy claims would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this +court knows herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent +off howlin', with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage.</p> + <p>You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics. Yes, sir! they +are the "Coming man," the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers can't +hold a candle to 'em.</p> + <p>When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if +they'd bust their biler tryin', then he is sot down as bein' crazy as a +loon by his jelous nabors.</p> + <p>I haven't heard whether BISMARK'S or FRITZ'S upper storys were +shaky, or not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but +what both of these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FRANCIS TRAIN +any day; and that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin' +tragic attitoods, and repeatin' the follerin well known verses:</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"I +am not mad!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I am not mad!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But only on my mussle.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Old NAP'd been glad</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">If he and King dad</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Had never got into a tussle."</span> + </div> + <p>My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose +son was so <i>bully</i> at pickin' up <i>bullocks,</i> is to +congratulate you.</p> + <p>Speakin' after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. +Havin' served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can +rely on my giving a good sound opinion, from which there haint no +repeal to a higher court.</p> + <p>What do you think of my startin' a college here for the purpus +of edicatin' Loonatics?</p> + <p>We've got 3 colliges here, Harvard, 'Ale, and the Electoral +College, and a skalier lot of week-kneed timber than these institutions +sometimes turns out, would make you stick to your stomack to look at.</p> + <p>Stugents are turned out from these asilums with pooty +ristocratick idees into their nozzles.</p> + <p>I once knew a chap who was a gradooate of one of these +institutions of larning,</p> + <p>He was more ristocratick than a retired church deekin'.</p> + <p>When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the +funeral, so he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the +corpse to wear, doorin' the funeral services.</p> + <p>Thinks I, that was shovin' a good thing rather too deep in the +ground, merely for the sake of pilin' on the agony.</p> + <p>However, that's the way of the world; larnin' will stick out, +and you can't atop her.</p> + <p>That son of your'n, FRITZ, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer.</p> + <p>If he haint in that precarious situation which SARY F. NORTON +calls "mummery," and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good +honest folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he +mite go further and fare a site wusser, than to come over here and +examine my stock of risin' feminine genders.</p> + <p>Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who +understands her biz as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her +gals won't be troubled to death by keepin' a cook to boss 'em around.</p> + <p>Doorin' the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin' +in the sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, +MARIAR'S biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal +to the way a big dinner at DELMONICO'S, N.Y., will flop over a New York +Alderman.</p> + <p>The surest way of gettin' round a public man, is via his +stomack.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Like +ALADIN'S lamp, you can</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">By merely givin' a rub,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Bring around most any man,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">By fillin' him up with grub.</span> + </div> + <p>But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose +quil, and go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter +let me speak a word for your noble prisoner, L. NAPOLEON, Esq.</p> + <p>Deal gently with him.</p> + <p>Altho' he plade the wrong card when he pitched into you, +recollect the old maxum:</p> + <p>"Never bute a feller when he is down."</p> + <p>France is better, in a good many respects, for things LEWIS +done for 'em.</p> + <p>But he has gone to the shades, and SHAKSPEER aptly says:</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The +evil which men do,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Lives a darn site longer than</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The evil they don't do."</span> </div> + <p>Which sentiment shode that old SHAKE was a hulsail dealer in +human nater.</p> + <p>Hopin' that in the days of your prosperity, you wont forgit +your poor relations, sich as <i>mothers-in-law</i> and the like, and +when they come to visit you, you wont say:</p> + <p>"Nix cum arous,"</p> + <p>I will dry up.</p> + <p>Ewers anon,</p> + <p>HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,</p> + <p><i>Lait Gustise of the Peece</i></p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE LOVERS.</b></p> + <p>In Different Moods and Tenses.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">SALLY +SALTER, she was a young teacher, who taught,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And her friend, CHARLEY CHURCH, +was a preacher, who praught;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Though his enemies called him a +screecher, who scraught.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">His heart, when he saw her, kept +sinking, and sunk,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And his eye, meeting hers, began +winking, and wunk;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">While she, in her turn, fell to +thinking, and thunk.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He hastened to woo her, and +sweetly he wooed,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">For his love grew until to a +mountain it grewed,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And what he was longing to do, +then he doed.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">In secret he wanted to speak, and +he spoke,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To seek with his lips what his +heart long had soke;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">So he managed to let the truth +leak, and it loke.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He asked her to ride to the +church, and they rode;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">They so sweetly did glide, that +they both thought they glode,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And they came to the place to be +tied, and were tode.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then homeward he said let us +drive, and they drove,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And soon as they wished to +arrive, they arrove;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">For whatever he couldn't +contrive, she controve.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The kiss he was dying to steal, +then he stole,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">At the feet where he wanted to +kneel, there he knole,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And he said, " I feel better than +ever I fole."<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">So they to each other kept +clinging, and clung,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">While Time his swift circuit was +winging, and wung;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And this was the thing he was +bringing, and brung.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The man SALLY wanted to catch, +and had caught—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">That she wanted from others to +snatch, and had snaught—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Was the one that she now liked to +scratch, and she scraught<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And CHARLEY'S warm love began +freezing, and froze,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">While he took to teasing, and +cruelly toze</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The girl he had wished to be +squeezing, and squoze.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Wretch!" he cried when she +threatened to leave him, and left,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"How could you deceive me, as you +have deceft?"</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And she answered, "I promised to +cleave, and I've cleft!"</span> </div> + <p>AMOS KEETER</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/12.jpg"> + <p>A PRETTY IDEA OF MR. VAN LITTLEDRAM: HE TAKES HIS YOUNGSTER +OUT FOR A SAIL, THUS, AND SAVES THE EXPENSE OF A BOAT.</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE.</b></p> + <p>CANTO VII.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Tom, +Tom the Pipers' son,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Stole a Pig, and away he run;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And TOM went roaring down the +street.</span> </div> + <p>The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great +excitement in the period in which it occurred, although at the present +date it would not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest +ripple on the glassy calm of our most, sleepy village.</p> + <p>We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little +peccadillo such as the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a +purse, unless it contains a large amount, and was taken under the most +aggravating circumstances from ourselves.</p> + <p>A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect +hundreds of people, or a midnight murder executed with the malignancy +of a fiend, will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even +that soon passes out of mind, and society settles back into its +imperturbable apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still +further, and becoming by degrees proof against being stirred by +anything that does not affect ourselves personally.</p> + <p>Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the +astounding temerity of the Piper's son, in laying felonious hands on +the property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement +second only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later +days.</p> + <p>Poor TOM was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for +although he was the one who committed the crime, he was not the only +one who reaped a benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells +us, he was the only one who was punished therefor; so, while we blame +him, let us shed a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, +the others the eating. The scene is graphically described thusly—</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Tom, +Tom the Piper's son,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Stole a pig, and away he run."</span> + </div> + <p>Here we see Tom, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, +listening to the witching strains of his father's bagpipe, played by +the industrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, +with the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat +that both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its +day and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought +to bear upon it, TOM'S eyes, roving around from window to door, happen +to light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent +beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for +human rights.</p> + <p>Alas! TOM is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the +fascinating pig, and he doesn't know how strong his principles are, nor +how far he will go to maintain them.</p> + <p>He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, +the desire to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a +determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal +that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed +upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it +as a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it +tightly in his hands, and skedaddles.</p> + <p>The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of +piggy is unnoticed till the red-headed urchin whose playmate it is +looks around for the loved companion, of his childish sports, and finds +it not. Great research, amid loud outcries, is made, resulting only in +the conviction that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace +behind.</p> + <p>TOM, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart +swelling with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the +arms of his maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the +dainty prize. Visions of a luscious supper float through the mind of +the female piperess, as she bestows her motherly benediction upon her +thoughtful son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned +lesson of cooking a sucking pig.</p> + <p>Having accomplished the "First get your pig" part, the rest +comes easy; and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories +are sainted with an odor that startles him from his generally +despondent mood, and awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an +unusual flavor from his usually flavorless abode. He enters and finds a +smiling wife and son, with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. "What +next occurred the Poet tells us in the laconic words</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The +pig was eat."</span> </div> + <p>There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the +fact was enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, +and this happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They +couldn't eat them, and they didn't own a dog; so they picked them clean +and threw them away. But, "Murder will out," and the tiny bones told +their own tale. The village detective soon coupled the feet of the +missing pig with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the +door of the musician's abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to +the detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a +pig's bones—a stolen pig's bones, from the fact that the Piper did not +earn enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole +the sucking-pig?</p> + <p>Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to +have any light-fingered proclivities.</p> + <p>Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe +and could prove an alibi.</p> + <p>There was no one left but TOM. Circumstances pointed him out: +he loved good eating and hated work, and had been noticed gazing upon +the charms of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. TOM was the +thief, and the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too +uncertain and expensive, TOM was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was +resolved to take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells +us</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"TOM +was beat."</span> </div> + <p>Undoubtedly TOM was glad when they got through, and although he</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Went +roaring down the street,"</span> </div> + <p>it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his +bacon. It was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had +no stomach pumps in those days.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Scene.—A. City Restaurant.</b></p> + <p><i>Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast</i>.) +"Anything more, sir?"</p> + <p><i>Customer</i>. "H'm—well—yes; bring me an omelette souffle."</p> + <p><i>Waiter</i>. "Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessir."</p> + <p>(<i>Exit, humming the popular tune</i>.)</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Unintentionally Appropriate</b>.</p> + <p>The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and +then innocently requests the "False Reporting" <i>Tribune</i> to copy +it!</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>BY GEORGE!</b></p> + <p>(<i>Continued</i>.)</p> + <p>LAKE GEORGE, Sept 5.</p> + <p>DEAR PUNCHINELLO:—In my last I promised to finish my trip on +the Lake and give you some reliable rumors about the "Rogers' Slide."</p> + <p>I am prepared to do this to-day, in a happy and congratulatory +frame of mind.</p> + <p>I have had breakfast this morning.</p> + <p>When I say this I mean that I have had this morning's +breakfast this morning.</p> + <p>Any one who has achieved so remarkable a success, at this +place, can safely plume himself on his patience and physical endurance.</p> + <p>For instance, this morning, for the first time, I ordered +broiled Spring Chicken.</p> + <p>The waiter gave me a disconsolate look and proceeded to gird +up his loins with a base ball belt.</p> + <p>In a few moments he dashed past the window in hot pursuit of a +fowl of venerable appearance, but of a style of going that would have +put to shame any ostrich that Dr. LIVINGSTONE ever saw.</p> + <p>I asked the head waiter if he called that a <i>Spring Chicken</i>?</p> + <p>He said he guessed that chicken could out-Spring any chicken +in the place.</p> + <p>This clears up another great hotel mystery.</p> + <p>The man outflanked this gentle birdling on the eighth time +round, in 6.23, which is considered very good indeed, and beats the +time of the late Harvard and Yale "Foul" considerably.</p> + <p>I say "outflanked," because it is not the intention of these +sunny Amendments to put an end to these feathery Dexters immediately, +but to drive them into the ten-pin alley, where they are leisurely +bowled to an untimely end. As, however, pony balls are generally used, +and there are always half a dozen darkies standing around ready to bet +that the chicken won't be killed in forty balls, or sixty, as the case +may be, this part of the process is rather tedious to the guest</p> + <p>Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not +more than nine or ten-pin feathers left.</p> + <p>Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called "Sabbath +Day Point," in consequence of ABERCROMBIE having landed there on a +Wednesday morning.</p> + <p>Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see +the Point.</p> + <p>A gentleman on board informed me that the water was so clear +at this place that one could "see objects when thirty feet from the +bottom."</p> + <p>I have thought and thought over this remark, but am unable to +see what one's distance from the bottom has to do with his "seeing +objects."</p> + <p>I give it up.</p> + <p>On the opposite side of the Lake is a hill called "Sugar Loaf +Mountain"—because it is a sweet place for loafers, I suppose.</p> + <p>Finally we passed "Rogers' Slide," which is a rocky precipice +three hundred feet high, sloping nearly perpendicularly into the water. +A decidedly unpleasant-looking place for cellar-door practice.</p> + <p>There are a great many romantic traditions about this same +ROGERS, who is regarded by the simple natives as having been an +altogether high-minded and gorgeous character—the fact being that he +was one of those unmitigated old scamps who owe to the accident of +having lived in Revolutionary times, the distinction of being held up +to the emulation of primary schools as a "Patriot Hero." Literally he +was simply an "unmixed evil," fighting only to steal something, and +devoting what time and talent he could spare from his legitimate +profession—which was <i>seven-up</i>—to generally bedevilling and +encroaching upon the neighboring Indians.</p> + <p>As an enchroachist he was immense.</p> + <p>The noble red-skins alluded to finally concluded that enough +was enough, and appointed a Special Commission to put a permanent end +to the delicate attentions of the "Marked Back."</p> + <p>This <i>sobriquet</i> they conferred upon him partly on +account of the fact that he usually received his wounds while leaving +their immediate vicinity, and partly because of a peculiar +characteristic of the kind of cards he used.</p> + <p>The Commissioners caught ROGERS out hunting, and chased him +until he came to this precipice, down which he slid into the Lake +below, and, unfortunately, escaped unharmed.</p> + <p>The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his +snow-shoes, soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they +concluded to "let him slide."</p> + <p>Hence the name.</p> + <p>Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone +over. Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left +produced a profound impression on their untutored minds.</p> + <p>They at once concluded that he was drowned, or had got "in +with" some bad spirits.</p> + <p>It is obvious, however, to the most casual observer of the +place, that the reverse must have been the case. The bad spirits were +in him.</p> + <p>The mark worn by Mr. R's "cheviots" in his descent can still +be distinctly seen.</p> + <p>About half way up is a shining object which is generally +believed to be a suspender button.</p> + <p>This, however, is merely conjectural.</p> + <p>The clerk of the boat, of whom I have spoken before, tells me +that until within a few years back, the hole in the water where ROGERS +struck could be seen.</p> + <p>"But it is all gone now," he said, shaking his head sadly. +"Nothing can escape the Vandal horde of tourists and relic hunters. +Piece by piece they have carried the hole away, and there is no trace +of it left now."</p> + <p>And he "wept at my tranquillity."</p> + <p>At the north end of the Lake we took stages for Fort +Ticonderoga. These vehicles were run by a man who was pointed out as a +"character," which means a sort of licensed nuisance.</p> + <p>The monomania of this individual was speech making, and much +reflection inclines me to the belief that he is some unappreciated +politician who has invented a way of "taking it out" on the unhappy +public as follows:</p> + <p>He waits until his five immense stages arrive at some remote +and solitary part of the road, then draws them up in a semi-circle, +mounts a stump, and—on pretence of exhibiting the beauties of +nature—proceeds to harangue the helpless fares to the top of his very +high bent, or until one of the slumbering "outsides" creates a welcome +diversion by falling off and breaking his neck.</p> + <p>We came to what was really a curiosity—two kinds of trees +growing from one trunk, which this concentration of bores, this <i>mitrailleuse</i>, +in fact, improved accordingly.</p> + <p>"Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the <i>re</i>-markable +and <i>pe</i>-culiar works of a benign <i>Per</i>-rovidence. On the +right you see the sturdy and iron-hearted oak, while on the left you +behold the modest and <i>be</i>-utiful ellum. What Having has joined +together let no man put asunder—gerlang with yer hosses!"</p> + <p>It must have been a Sunday-school Superintendent who invented +excursions to Fort Ty.</p> + <p>It is not a place to Tye to.</p> + <p>One old gentleman pointed to an underground hole and advised +me to go and look at the magazine.</p> + <p>I went; but it is hardly necessary to say that I didn't find +any, and, on the whole, I was glad of it If people don't know any more +than to leave their <i>Galaxys</i> and <i>Harper's</i> lying around +loose when travelling, why, they deserve to have them stolen, that's +all.</p> + <p>I was sorry for the old gentleman, but if there is anything +that disgusts me, it is to meet people that ain't posted about things.</p> + <p>As the steamer neared the Hotel, on our return, the departing +sun was flinging back his last good-night smile on the lovely scene +below, and the musical chime of the little church at Caldwell came +stealing sweetly over the bosom of the placid Lake. As its fairy-like +sounds reached our ears, a melancholy-looking man with long hair, who +sat near, started, smiled, and turning to me, said:</p> + <p>"Did I ever tell you that story about SLUKER?"</p> + <p>As I had never seen the party before, I replied that if he had +I had forgotten it.</p> + <p>"SLUKER," he repeated, gazing absently at the distant spire; +"SLUKER," he reiterated, rubbing his nose abstractedly with the handle +of his umbrella; "SLUKER," he continued—</p> + <p>—in my next, my dear PUNCHINELLO, in my next.</p> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">SAGINAW DODD.</span><br> + <p>[<i>To be continued</i>.]</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Sauce</b></p> + <p>There can be no doubt that Grévy is in the right place, +as a member of the Provisional government of France.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <br> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/14.jpg"> + <p><b><i>Old Gent</i>.</b> "Don't scatter water on my feet, +man,—do you suppose I want 'em to grow any bigger?"</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.</b></p> + <p>Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to +solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, +yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for +lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities +that go to the making up of an efficient "Hawkshaw."</p> + <p>That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest +from a circumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting +had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of +counterfeiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their +operations immediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. +Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a +nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the +arrangements of the counterfeiters. Having informed some of his +associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in +one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and +has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the +illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than +these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But +duty is duty—often stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful +detectives inserted their Spitz-dog noses between the joints of the +artists' doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in +upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all +the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered +about their vile den.</p> + <p>Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of +wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking +pipes—tobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought +by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent +results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw +the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil. Some of the +officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the +delinquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police +station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the +night.</p> + <p>Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the +prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a +mistake—or a joke—we are not exactly informed which; but the parties +chiefly interested do not look upon it as a joke.</p> + <p>Now it is a very clear case that the mistake in question—or +joke—may be traced to a deficiency of education on the part of these +vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been properly cultivated in +the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could +not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would +have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been +acknowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August +Presence with obsequious genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, +then, whether a course of lectures upon art should not henceforth be +considered an indispensable branch of the education of our excellent +detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their +education, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be +insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives' +learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full +knowledge of the leguminous vegetables—such as beans.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Temporary Obscuration of the "Hub."</b></p> + <p>Boston already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. +She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year +she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further +to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of +Commons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of +Boston must fall into insignificance and "feel small." On the second +day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into +Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public +Garden, Big Drum, Common—all, all of these will then have to subside +and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince +of Erie and his valiant command.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Boy and Man.</b></p> + <p>"Miss ANNIE P. LADD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by +the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace."</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To +be a man and magistrate</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'Twas natural that ANNIE sighed,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Since she one phase of man's +estate</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Already as a LADD had tried.</span> + </div> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>A Nut for the Ladies' Club.</b></p> + <p>Referring to the recent ladies' boat race at Harlem, a +reporter says that "the girls all rowed badly." This is a discouraging +comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume man's +attributes, (not to mention his other "butes" and the +what-d'ye-call-'ems generally associated with them,) and it is a very +significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words +So rows Sis.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>NEW PUBLICATIONS.</b></p> + <p>Among the numerous portraits of the late CHARLES DICKENS now +before the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in +chromograph lately issued by PRANG & Co., of Boston and New York. +It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger +than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the +face is one of thought—rather as he might have appeared when meditating +over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he +used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in +two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most +predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a +glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="1" + style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. Stewart & Co.</big></big></p> + <p><small>Have just received several Cases</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PARIS MADE SILK AND POPLIN</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Street and Evening</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">DRESSES,</p> + <p><small>Two cases Cloth and Velvet Pattern</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Sacques, Cloaks, &c.,</p> + <p><small>An opening of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">HANDSOME TRIMMED HATS,</p> + <p>Latest Paris Style. Also,</p> + <p><small>Children's and Misses' Undergarments, Infants' Outfits, +etc., etc.</small></p> + <p><small>Several Cases Real India<br> +Camel's-Hair Shawls,</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">At unusually attractive prices.</p> + <p>Embroideries, Laces, Real Lace and LLama Pointes, Dresses, +&c.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>WEDDING TROUSSEAUX.</big></p> + <p><small>The above forms only a very small portion of their +Large and Attractive Stock of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>ELEGANT GOODS,</big></p> + <p><small>Imported and Domestic Made.</small></p> + <p>Offered at</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.</p> + </td> + <td rowspan="3" style="text-align: left;"> + <div style="text-align: center;"> <big><big><big><big>PUNCHINELLO.<br> + <br> + </big></big></big></big><br> +The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly +Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public +in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper +of the kind ever published in America. </div> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL.</span><br> + <br> +Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) ............... $4.00<br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">" " six months, (without +premium,) ..................................... 2.00</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">" " three months, +" ............................................. 1.00</span><br> + <br> +Single copies mailed free, for +............................................... .10<br> + <br> +We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO'S<br> +CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows:<br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year, and<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">"</span><b + style="font-weight: bold;">The Awakening</b><span + style="font-weight: bold;">,"</span></big></big> (a Litter of +Puppies.) Half chromo.<br> +Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,) for ...................... $4.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wild Roses.</span></big></big> +12-1/8 x 9.<br> + <big><big><b>Dead Game</b>.</big></big> 11-1/8 x 8-3/8.<br> + <big><big><b>Easter Morning</b>.</big></big> 6-3/4 x 10-1/4—for +..................... $5.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $5.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Group of Chickens;<br> +Group of Ducklings;<br> +Group of Quails</b>.</big></big><br> +Each 10 x 12-1/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Poultry Yard</b>.</big></big> 10-1/8 x 14<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Barefoot Boy;<br> +Wild Fruit</b>.</big></big> Each 9-3/4 x 13.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Pointer and Quail;<br> +Spaniel and Woodcock</b>.</big></big> 10 x 12—for ... $6.50<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $6.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Baby in Trouble;<br> +The Unconscious Sleeper;<br> +The Two Friends</b>. (Dog and Child.)</big></big><br> +Each 13 x 16-1/4.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Spring;<br> +Summer;<br> +Autumn;</b><br> + </big></big> 12-7/8 x 16-1/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Kid's Play Ground</b>.</big></big><br> +11 x 17-1/2—for ................. $7.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $7.50 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Strawberries and Baskets</b>.</big></big><br> + <br> + <big><big><b style="font-weight: bold;">Cherries and Baskets</b><span + style="font-weight: bold;">.</span></big></big><br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Currants</b>.</big></big> Each 13 x 18.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Horses in a Storm</b>.</big></big> 22-1/4 x 15-1/4.<br> + <br> + <big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Six Central Park Views. (A +set.)</big></big><br> +9-1/8 x 4-1/2—for ........... $8.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Six American Landscapes</b>. (A set.)</big></big><br> +4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00—for +.............................................. $9.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the<br> +following $10 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Sunset in California</b>.</big></big> (Bierstadt) +18-1/2 x 12<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Easter Morning</b>.</big></big> 14 x 21.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Corregio's Magdalen</b>.</big></big> 12-1/4 x 16-3/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit</b>.</big></big> +(Half chromos,)<br> +15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), for $10.00<br> + <br> +Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on +New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first +number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not otherwise ordered.<br> + <br> +Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents +per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be <i>mailed +free</i> on receipt of money.<br> + <br> +CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For +special terms address the Company.<br> + <br> +The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the +paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any +one desirous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage +stamp.<br> + <br> +Address,<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</span><br> + <br> +P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street, New York.<br> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. Stewart & Co.</big></big></p> + <p><small>Offer the largest, richest, and cheapest stock of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>DRESS GOODS,</big></p> + <p><small>That has ever been Offered in this City,</small></p> + <p>Comprising many Novelties in</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Poplins, Armures Cloths, +Epinglines, Extra Quality Merinos, Ladies' Cloths, &c., &c.</p> + <p><small>A Large Line of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">DOMESTIC SHIRTINGS, SHEETINGS, +BLANKETS, FLANNELS,</p> + <p><small>And every Variety of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>HOUSEKEEPING GOODS.</big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> <br> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>IN CARPETS.</big></big></p> + <p>Five Frame ENGLISH BRUSSELS, <small>Reduced to $1.75 per yard.</small></p> + <p><small>200 Pieces Five-Frame</small><br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">English Brussels,</span></p> + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">Greater part Confined Styles,</span> +Reduced to $2 per yard.</p> + <p><small>Very Best Quality</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">ENGLISH TAPESTRY BRUSSELS</p> + <p><small>$1.30 per yard.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">FRENCH MOQUETTES</p> + <p><small>AND</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">AXMINSTERS,</p> + <p><small>$3.50 and $4 per yard.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">ROYAL WILTONS,</p> + <p><small>Best Quality, $2.50 and $3 per yard.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">CROSSLEY'S VELVETS,</p> + <p><small>Choice Designs, $2.50 per yard.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Superfine Ingrains, 3-Plys.</p> + <p><small>English and Domestic</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>OILCLOTHS, RUGS,<br> +MATS, ETC.,</big></p> + <p><small>At Extremely Low Prices.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. STEWART & CO.</big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="1" align="center" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="66%" rowspan="2"> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/16.jpg"> + <p><b>FEEDING SPARROWS.</b></p> + <p>A HINT TO A CERTAIN CLASS OF "HUMANITARIANS"</p> + </center> + </td> + <td align="center">"The Printing-House of the United States."<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">GEO.F.NESBITT & +CO.,</span></big></big><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">General JOB PRINTERS,</span><br> + <br> +BLANK BOOK Manufacturers,<br> +STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail,<br> +LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers.<br> +COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers,<br> +CARD Manufacturers,<br> +ENVELOPE Manufacturers.<br> +FINE CUT and COLOR Printers.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST.,</span><br + style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE ST., New +York.</span><br> + <br> + <small>ADVANTAGES. All on the same premises, and under immediate +supervision of the proprietors.</small><br> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> <span style="font-weight: bold;">Tourists +and leisure Travelers</span><br> + <small>will be glad to learn that the Erie Railway Company has +prepared</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">COMBINATION EXCURSION</span><br> + <small><small>OR</small></small><br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Round Trip Tickets,</span></big><br> + <p><small>Valid during the entire season, and embracing +Ithaca—headwaters of Cayuga Lake—Niagara Falls, Lake Ontario, the River +St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, +the White Mountains and all principal points of interest in Northern +New York, the Canadas, and New England. Also similar Tickets at reduced +rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit the +celebrated Iron Mountains and Copper Mines of that region. By applying +at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., Nos. 241, 529 and 957 Broadway; +205 Chambers St.; 38 Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, +Harlem; 338 Fulton St., Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and +foot of 23rd St., New York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long Dock Depot, +Jersey City, and the Agents at the principal hotels, travelers can +obtain just the Ticket they desire, as well as all the necessary +information.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td colspan="2"> + <center> + <p><small>PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," +"Water-Lilies," "Chas. Dickens."<br> +PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art and Bookstores throughout the world.<br> +PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp.</small></p> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">L. PRANG & CO., Boston.</span> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="1" + style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="width: 50%;"> + <div style="text-align: center;"> <big><big><big><span + style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO.</span></big></big></big><br> + <br> + <small>With a large and varied experience in the management and +publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and with the +still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the +undertaking, the</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO</span>.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK,</span><br> + <br> +Presents to the public for approval, the new<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND +SATIRICAL</span><br> + <br> + <small><span style="font-weight: bold;">WEEKLY PAPER,</span></small><br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO,</span></big></big><br> + <br> +The first number of which was issued under<br> +date of April 2.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">ORIGINAL ARTICLES,</span><br> + <br> + <div style="text-align: center;"> Suitable for the paper, and +Original Designs,, or suggestive ideas or sketches for illustrations, +upon the topics of the day, are always acceptable and will be paid for +liberally.<br> + <br> +Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage stamps are +inclosed. </div> + </div> + <div style="text-align: center;"> <br> +TERMS:<br> + <br> +One copy, per year, in advance ....................... $4.00<br> + <br> +Single copies .......................................... .10<br> + <br> +A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten cents.<br> + <br> +One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other<br> +magazine or paper, price, $2.50, for ................. 5.50<br> + <br> +One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for 7.00 </div> + <br> + <div style="text-align: center;"> All communications, +remittances, etc., to be addressed to<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</span><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">No 83 Nassau Street,</span><br + style="font-weight: bold;"> + <br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">P. O. Box, 2783. NEW YORK.</span> + </div> + </td> + <td style="text-align: center;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. +DROOD.</big></big></p> + <p style="font-style: italic;">The New Burlesque Serial,</p> + <p><big>Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO,</big></p> + <p><small>BY</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>ORPHEUS C. KERR,</big></p> + <p><small>Commenced in No. 11. will be continued weekly +throughout the year.</small></p> + <p><small>A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom +friend, with superb illustrations of</small></p> + <p>1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, +TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY.</p> + <p>2ND. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE taken +as he appears "Every Saturday." will also be found in the same number.</p> + <br> + <p>Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen,<br> +(or mailed from this office, free,) Ten Cents.</p> + <p>Subscription for One Year, one copy,<br> +with $2 Chromo Premium. $4.</p> + <p><small>Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this +new serial, which promises to be the best ever written by ORPHEUS C. +KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular receipt weekly.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>We will send the first Ten +Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to<br> +any one who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on<br> +the receipt of SIXTY CENTS.</small></p> + <p>Address,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">P. O. Box 2783.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">83 Nassau St., New York.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<br> +<center> GEO. W, WHEAT & Co, PRINTER, NO. 8 SPRUCE STREET. </center> +<br> +<br> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10035 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/10035-h/images/01.jpg b/10035-h/images/01.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c21a886 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/01.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/03.jpg b/10035-h/images/03.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6744bcd --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/03.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/05.jpg b/10035-h/images/05.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b8ddee4 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/05.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/06.jpg b/10035-h/images/06.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..3c362be --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/06.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/07a.jpg b/10035-h/images/07a.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..fe41a63 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/07a.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/07b.jpg b/10035-h/images/07b.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..699de03 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/07b.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/07c.jpg b/10035-h/images/07c.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d381d19 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/07c.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/07d.jpg b/10035-h/images/07d.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..cbfdb90 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/07d.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/07e.jpg b/10035-h/images/07e.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c19e944 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/07e.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/08.jpg b/10035-h/images/08.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..969fe5c --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/08.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/09.jpg b/10035-h/images/09.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..73b9a34 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/09.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/12.jpg b/10035-h/images/12.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..85dcf09 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/12.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/14.jpg b/10035-h/images/14.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8cb8236 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/14.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/16.jpg b/10035-h/images/16.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f543d2c --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/16.jpg |
