diff options
| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:33:46 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:33:46 -0700 |
| commit | 108d4b973941e699ce57d59e30cd525431f14afc (patch) | |
| tree | 968f90c58fa8e9e0000e5fa9de5c8ca6ed0fc21c | |
| -rw-r--r-- | .gitattributes | 3 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-0.txt | 2329 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/10035-h.htm | 2106 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/01.jpg | bin | 0 -> 229157 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/03.jpg | bin | 0 -> 158598 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/05.jpg | bin | 0 -> 26995 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/06.jpg | bin | 0 -> 38242 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/07a.jpg | bin | 0 -> 21540 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/07b.jpg | bin | 0 -> 12528 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/07c.jpg | bin | 0 -> 13208 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/07d.jpg | bin | 0 -> 12477 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/07e.jpg | bin | 0 -> 16232 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/08.jpg | bin | 0 -> 83068 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/09.jpg | bin | 0 -> 148082 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/12.jpg | bin | 0 -> 54627 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/14.jpg | bin | 0 -> 68915 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 10035-h/images/16.jpg | bin | 0 -> 99620 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | LICENSE.txt | 11 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | README.md | 2 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-8.txt | 2750 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-8.zip | bin | 0 -> 47341 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h.zip | bin | 0 -> 1031785 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/10035-h.htm | 2550 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/01.jpg | bin | 0 -> 229157 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/03.jpg | bin | 0 -> 158598 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/05.jpg | bin | 0 -> 26995 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/06.jpg | bin | 0 -> 38242 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/07a.jpg | bin | 0 -> 21540 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/07b.jpg | bin | 0 -> 12528 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/07c.jpg | bin | 0 -> 13208 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/07d.jpg | bin | 0 -> 12477 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/07e.jpg | bin | 0 -> 16232 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/08.jpg | bin | 0 -> 83068 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/09.jpg | bin | 0 -> 148082 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/12.jpg | bin | 0 -> 54627 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/14.jpg | bin | 0 -> 68915 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035-h/images/16.jpg | bin | 0 -> 99620 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035.txt | 2750 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10035.zip | bin | 0 -> 47322 bytes |
39 files changed, 12501 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/10035-0.txt b/10035-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0f12ad5 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2329 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10035 *** + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | CONANT'S | + | | + | PATENT BINDERS | + | | + | FOR | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO," | + | | + | to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent postpaid, on | + | receipt of One Dollar, by | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street, New York City. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | We will Mail Free | + | | + | A COVER | + | | + | Lettered & Stamped, with New Title Page | + | | + | FOR BINDING | + | | + | FIRST VOLUME, | + | | + | On Receipt of 50 Cents, | + | | + | OR THE | + | | + | TITLE PAGE ALONE, FREE, | + | | + | On application to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S | + | STEEL PENS. | + | | + | These Pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and | + | cheaper than any other Pen in the market. Special attention | + | is called to the following grades, as being better suited | + | for business purposes than any Pen manufactured. The | + | "505," "22," and the "Anti-Corrosive," | + | we recommend for Bank and Office use. | + | | + | D. APPLETON & CO., | + | Sole Agents for United States. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + * * * * * + +Vol II. No. 27 + + +PUNCHINELLO + + +SATURDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1870. + + +PUBLISHED BY THE + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, + +83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK. + + * * * * * + + +THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD, + +By ORPHEUS C. KERR, + +Continued in this Number. + + +See 15th Page for Extra Premiums. + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bound Volume No. 1. | + | | + | The first volume of PUNCHINELLO--the | + | only first-class, original, illustrated, | + | humorous and satirical weekly paper | + | published in this country--ending with | + | No. 26, September 24, 1870, | + | | + | Bound in Extra Cloth, | + | | + | will be ready for delivery on Oct. 1, | + | 1870. | + | | + | PRICE $2.50. | + | | + | Sent postpaid to any part of the United | + | States on receipt of price. | + | | + | A copy of the paper for one year, | + | from October 1st, No. 27, and the | + | Bound Volume, (the latter prepaid,) | + | will be sent to any subscriber for $5.50. | + | | + | Three copies for one year, and three | + | Bound Volumes, with an extra copy of | + | Bound Volume, to any person sending | + | us three subscriptions for $16.50. | + | | + | One copy of paper for one year, | + | with a fine chromo premium, | + | for- - - - - $4.00 | + | | + | Single copies, mailed free .10 | + | | + | Back numbers can always be supplied, | + | as the paper is electrotyped. | + | | + | Book canvassers will find this volume | + | a | + | | + | | + | Very Saleable Book. | + | | + | | + | Orders supplied at a very liberal | + | discount. | + | | + | All remittances should be made in | + | Post Office orders. | + | | + | Canvassers wanted for the paper | + | everywhere. Send for our Special | + | Circular. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | | + | Punchinello Publishing Co., | + | | + | 83 NASSAU ST., N. Y. | + | | + | P.O. Box No. 2783. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO | + | | + | JOHN NICKINSON, | + | | + | ROOM No. 4, | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, N. Y. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | TO NEWS-DEALERS. | + | | + | Punchinello's Monthly. | + | | + | The Weekly Numbers for August, | + | | + | Bound in a Handsome Cover, | + | | + | Is now ready. Price Fifty Cents. | + | | + | THE TRADE | + | | + | Supplied by the | + | | + | AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, | + | | + | Who are now prepared to receive Orders. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | WEYILL & HAMMAR, | + | | + | Wood Engravers, | + | | + | 208 BROADWAY, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bowling Green Savings-Bank, | + | | + | 33 BROADWAY, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + | Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M. | + | | + | _Deposits of any sum, from Ten cents | + | to Ten Thousand Dollars, will be received._ | + | | + | Six per Cent Interest, | + | Free of Government Tax. | + | | + | INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS | + | Commences on the First of every Month. | + | | + | HENRY SMITH, _President_. | + | | + | REEVES E. SELMES, _Secretary_. | + | | + | WALTER ROCHE, EDWARD HOGAN, _Vice-Presidents_. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A NEW AND MUCH-NEEDED BOOK. | + | | + | MATERNITY | + | | + | A POPULAR TREATISE | + | | + | For Young Wives and Mothers | + | | + | BY T. S. VERDI, A. M., M. D., OF WASHINGTON, D. C. | + | | + | Dr. VERDI is a well-known and successful Homoeopathic | + | Practitioner, of thorough scientific training and large | + | experience. His book has arisen from a want felt in his own | + | practice, as a Monitor to Young Wives, a Guide to Young | + | Mothers, and an assistant to the family physician. It deals | + | skilfully, sensibly, and delicately with the perplexities of | + | early married life, as connected with the holy duties of | + | Maternity, giving information which women must have, either | + | in conversation with physicians, or from such a source as | + | this--evidently the preferable mode of learning, for a | + | delicate and sensitive woman. Plain and intelligible, but | + | without offense to the most fastidious taste, the style of | + | this book must commend it to careful perusal. It treats of | + | the needs, dangers, and alleviations of the time of travail; | + | and gives extended detailed instructions for the care and | + | medical treatment of infants and children throughout all the | + | perils of early life. | + | | + | As a Mother's Manual, it will hare a large sale, and as a | + | book of special and reliable information on very important | + | topics, it will be heartily welcomed. | + | | + | Handsomely printed on laid paper: bevelled boards, extra | + | English cloth, 12mo., 450 pages. Price $2.25. | + | | + | _For sale by all Booksellers, or will be sent post-paid on | + | receipt of the price by_ | + | | + | J. B. FORD & CO., Publishers, | + | 39 Park Row, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FORST & AVERELL, | + | | + | Steam, Lithograph, and Letter Press | + | | + | PRINTERS, | + | | + | EMBOSSERS, ENGRAVERS, AND LABEL | + | MANUFACTURERS. | + | | + | Sketches and Estimates furnished upon application. | + | | + | 23 Platt Street, and 20-22 Gold Street, | + | | + | [P.O. Box 2845.] | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FOLEY'S | + | | + | GOLD PENS. | + | | + | THE BEST AND CHEAPEST. | + | | + | 256 BROADWAY. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | The only Journal of its kind in America!! | + | | + | The American Chemist: | + | | + | A MONTHLY JOURNAL | + | OF | + | | + | THEORETICAL, ANALYTICAL AND TECHNICAL | + | CHEMISTRY | + | | + | DEVOTED ESPECIALLY TO AMERICAN INTERESTS. | + | | + | EDITED BY | + | | + | Chas. F. Chandler, Ph. D., & W. H. Chandler. | + | | + | The Proprietors and publishers of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST, | + | having purchased the subscription list and stock of the | + | American reprint of THE CHEMICAL NEWS, have decided to | + | advance the interests of American Chemical Science by the | + | publication of a Journal which shall be a medium of | + | communication for all practical, thinking experimenting, and | + | manufacturing scientific men throughout the country. | + | | + | The columns of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST are open for the | + | reception of original articles from any part of the country, | + | subject to approval of the editor. Letters of inquiry on any | + | points of interest within the scope of the Journal will | + | receive prompt attention. | + | | + | THE AMERICAN CHEMIST | + | | + | Is a Journal of especial interest to | + | | + | SCHOOLS AND MEN OF SCIENCE, TO COLLEGES, | + | APOTHECARIES, DRUGGISTS, PHYSICIANS | + | ASSAYERS, DYERS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, | + | MANUFACTURERS, | + | | + | And all concerned in scientific pursuits. | + | | + | Subscription, $5.00 per annum, in advance; | + | 50 cts. per number. Specimen copies, 25 cts. | + | | + | Address WILLIAM BALDWIN & CO., | + | | + | Publishers and Proprietors. | + | | + | 434 Broome Street, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | J. NICKINSON | + | | + | begs to announce to the friends of | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO," | + | | + | residing in the country, that, for their convenience, he has | + | made arrangements by which, on receipt of the price of | + | | + | ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED, | + | | + | the same will be forwarded, postage paid. | + | | + | Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our Publishing | + | Houses, can have the same forwarded by inclosing two | + | stamps. | + | | + | OFFICE OF | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street. | + | | + | [P.O. Box 2783.] | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HENRY L. STEPHENS, | + | | + | ARTIST, | + | | + | No. 160 FULTON STREET, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | GEO. B. BOWLEND, | + | | + | Draughtsman & Designer | + | | + | No. 160 Fulton Street, | + | | + | Room No. 11, NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +PREFACE + +"HALF a year, half a year, half a year onward," has PUNCHINELLO advanced +since he wafted his first number to the four quarters of the globe. + +His road has not been a very easy one to travel. + +Bad characters lurked behind the fences, from which they would sometimes +take a sneak shot at the Showman as he passed. These fellows were +awfully bad shots, though, never so much as hitting the van in which the +show travels. PUNCHINELLO'S return fire always set the scamps +a-scampering, and all they had for their pains was the loss of their +ammunition, and the discovery that the row kicked up by them had +attracted crowds of people to the spot, so that PUNCHINELLO'S show was +capitally advertised by their noise. + +PUNCHINELLO'S First Volume, then, is a substantial fact. It is an +entirely new, original, and complete article, which no family should be +without. + +Read what the New York _Moon that Shines for All_ says about it: + +"Put a head on yourself by reading PUNCHINELLO, Vol. 1. It is by far the +best tonic bitters in the market. It cured the editor of this paper of a +very malignant attack, (made by himself on PUNCHINELLO,) after three +applications." + +Several gentle critics predicted an early death for PUNCHINELLO on +account of the buff color selected by him for his full dress costume. +Ha! ha! gentlemen, many a blow falls harmless on the wearer of a +buff-jerkin. As the old poet, whose name we have forgotten, might have +said, had he been in the humor--"He who will cuff it, Eke should buff +it,"--a maxim to which PUNCHINELLO gives his cordial adhesion. + +And now comes PUNCHINELLO to the beginning of his Second Volume, +encouraged by the success of his First. + +If Vol. I of PUNCHINELLO was a _Chassepot_, (and it _did_ make some +havoc in the ranks of the enemy,) Vol. II is intended to be a +_mitrailleuse_. It will be so arranged as to combine total annihilation +with bewitching music. For instance, by turning one of the cranks by +which it is worked, PUNCHINELLO will be able to project a shower of such +mortiferous missiles against all abettors of crime and vice, all quacks, +political and social, all corrupt officials, all Congress, (except the +Right Party,) all torpid fogies and peddlers of red tape, all humbugs of +every size and shape, in fact, as will speedily reduce them to ashes. +Then, by skilfully manipulating the other crank, he can produce from it +strains of such mellifluous harmony that the very telegraph-poles will +throng around him, as erstwhile did the trees of the forest around +ORPHEUS, and tender their services for the transmission of his melting +music to all the beautiful places on Earth. It is hardly necessary to +say that "Hail Columbia" is the very first tune on the cylinder of +PUNCHINELLO'S musical _mitrailleuse_. + +With his mind's eye, (an apparatus expressly constructed for and fitted +to his mental organization by a renowned necromancer,) PUNCHINELLO sees +his Public surging towards him, and grasping with outstretched hands at +the showers of _bon bons_ with which he plentifully supplies them from +an inexhaustible casket. + +Among them are thousands of familiar forms, and these are mostly in the +front. After these come several thousands of new forms, all pressing +forward upon the heels of the others with an eagerness that augurs for +PUNCHINELLO Vol II a tremendous and unparalleled success. Each of these +good people carries four dollars ($4) in his right hand, which he waves +at PUNCHINELLO, who affably accepts the greenbacks from him when within +proper distance, and then, dipping his pen in ink without a drop of gall +in it, books the donor for a year's subscription in advance. + +As for party, PUNCHINELLO knows but one party--and that is the Right +Party. Stirring times are before us. The Right Party is not going to lie +down and sleep while the times are stirring. Nor is PUNCHINELLO. When +anything that interests the Right Party has got to be stirred, +PUNCHINELLO will be on hand. He has been so long used to starring it, +that he makes light of stirring it. He can stir with a red-hot poker and +he can stir with a feather,--"You pays your money and you takes your +choice." + +And now, having stirred the spirit within him to a demonstrative pitch, +PUNCHINELLO shies his cocked hat into space, and calls upon his Public +to give three rousing cheers for the + +RIGHT PARTY. + + + * * * * * + +Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Office of the Librarian of +Congress at Washington. + + * * * * * + +THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. + +AN ADAPTATION. + +BY ORPHEUS C. KERR. + +CHAPTER XX. + +AN ESCAPE. + +The bewildered Flowerpot had no sooner gained her own room, enjoyed her +agitated expression of face in the mirror, and tried four differently +colored ribbon-bows upon her collar in succession, than the thought of +becoming Mr. BUMSTEAD'S bride lost the charm of its first wild novelty, +and became utterly ridiculous. He was a man of commanding stature, which +his linen "duster" made appear still more long; the dark circles around +his eyes would disappear in time, and he had an abusive way of referring +to women which made him inexpressibly grand to women as a true +poet-soul; but would it be safe, would it be religiously right, for a +young girl, not yet conscious of her own full power of annual monetary +expenditure, to blindly risk her necessary expenses for life upon one +whom the cost of a single imported bonnet, in the contingency of a +General European War, might plunge into inextricable pecuniary +embarrassment? Possibly, the General European War might not occur in an +ordinary married-lifetime, as France was no longer in a condition to +menace England, Russia would be wary about provoking the new Prussian +giant, and Austria and Italy were not likely soon to forget their last +military misadventures; yet, while all the great American journals had, +for the last twenty years, published daily editorials, by young writers +from the country, to show that such a War could not possibly be averted +longer than about the day after tomorrow, would it be judicious for a +young girl to marry as though that War were absolutely impossible? No! +Her woman's heart sternly reiterated the pitilessly negative; and, as +the Ritualistic organist had plainly evinced an earnest intention to let +no foreign military complications prevent her marriage with him, she +felt that her only safety from his matrimonial violence must be sought +in flight. + +With whom, though, could she take refuge? If she went to MAGNOLIA +PENDRAGON, all her dearest schoolmates would say, that they had always +loved her, despite her great faults, yet could not disguise from +themselves that she seemed at last to be fairly running after Miss +PENDRAGON'S brother. Besides, Mr. BUMSTEAD, offended by the seeming want +of confidence in him evinced by her flight, would, probably, take +measures publicly to identify MAGNOLIA'S alpaca garment with the +covering of his lost umbrella, and thus direct new suspicion against a +sister and brother already bothered almost into hysterics. + +During the last few weeks, an attack of dyspepsia had laid the +foundation of a mind in the Flowerpot, as it generally does in other +young female American boarding-school thinkers, and she was now capable +of that subtle line of reasoning which is the great commendation of her +sex to a recognized perfect intellectual equality with man. Once +decided, by her apprehension of a General European War, against marriage +with J. BUMSTEAD, she took a rather irritable view of that too +attractive devotional musician, and inferred, from his not being wealthy +enough to stand the test of possible transatlantic hostilities, that he +must, himself, have killed EDWIN DROOD. His umbrella, it was well known, +had been present at that fatal Christmas dinner; and a thoughtless +insult offered to it, even by his nephew, might have made a demon of +him. Suppose that EDWIN, upon returning to the dining-room that night, +after his temporary exercise in the open air with MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON, +had found his uncle, flushed with cloves, endeavoring to force a social +glass of lemon tea upon the umbrella, under the impression that it was a +person, and had unthinkingly accused him thereat of being momentarily +unsettled in his faculties? Probably, then, hot words would have passed +between them; each telling the other that he would have a nice headache +in the morning and find it impossible not to look very sleepy even if he +fixed his hair ever so elaborately. Blows might have followed: the +uncle, in his anger, hewing the nephew limb from limb with the carving +knife from the table, and subsequently carrying away the remains to the +Pond and there casting them in. Suppose, in his natural excitement, the +uncle had hurriedly used the umbrella, opened and held downward, to +carry the remains in; and, after coming home again, and snatching a nap +under the table, had forgotten all about it, and thus been ever since +inconsolable for his alpaca loss? As the young orphan argued thus +exhaustively to herself, the extreme probability of her suppositions +made her more and more frenzied to fly instantly beyond the reach of one +who, in the event of a General European War, would not be a husband whom +her head could approve. + +After penning a hasty farewell note to Miss CAROWTHERS, to the effect +that urgent military reasons obliged her to see her guardian at once, +FLORA lost no time in packing a small leather satchel for travel. Two +bottles of hair oil, a jar of glycerine, one of cold cream, two boxes of +powder, a package of extra back-hair, a phial of belladonna, a +camel's-hair brush for the eyebrows, a rouge-saucer for pinking the +nails, four flasks of perfumery, a depilatory in a small flagon, and +some tooth paste, were the only articles she could pause to collect for +her precipitate escape; and, with them in the satchel on her arm, and a +bonnet and shawl hurriedly thrown on, she stole away down-stairs, and +thus from the house. + +Hastening to the Roach House, from whence started an omnibus for the +ferry, she was quickly rattling out of Bumsteadville in a vehicle +remarkable for the great number and variety of noises it could make when +maddened into motion by a span of equine rivals in an immemorial +walking-match. + +"Now, BONNER," she said to the driver, taking leave of him at the +ferry-boat, "be sure and let Miss CAROWTHERS know that you saw me safely +off, and that I was not a bit more tired than if I had walked all the +way." + +Blushing with pleasure at the implied compliment to his equipage from +such lips, the skilled horseman had not the heart to object to the +wildly mutilated fragment of currency with which his fare had been paid, +and went back to where his steeds were taking turns in holding each +other up, as happy a man as ever lost money by the change in woman. + +Reaching the city, Miss POTTS was promptly worshiped by a hackman of +marked conversational powers, who, whip in hand, assured her that his +carriage was widely celebrated under the titles of the "Rocking Chair," +the "Old Shoe," and the "Glider," on account of its incredible ease of +motion; and that, owing to its exquisite abbreviation of travel to the +emotions, those who rode in it had actually been known to dispute that +they had ridden even half the distance for which they were charged. Did +he know where Mr. DIBBLE, the lawyer, lived, in Nassau Street, near +Fulton? If she meant lawyer DIBBLE, near Fulton Street, in Nassau, next +door but one to the second house below, and directly opposite the +building across the way, there was just one span of buckskin horses in +the city that could take a carriage built expressly for ladies to that +place, as naturally as though it were a stable. It was a place that +he--the hackman--always associated with his own mother, because he was +so familiar with it in childhood, and had often thought of driving to it +blindfolded for a wager. + +Proud to learn that her guardian was so well known in the great city, +and delighted that she had met a charioteer so minutely familiar with +his house of business, FLORA stepped readily into the providential hack, +which thereupon instantly began Rocking-Chair-ing, Old-Shoe-ing, and +Gliding. Any one of these celebrated processes, by itself, might have +been desirable; but their indiscriminate and impetuous combination in +the present case gave the Flowerpot a confused impression that her whole +ride was a startling series of incessant sharp turns around obdurate +street corners, and kept her plunging about like an early young +Protestant tossed in a Romish blanket. Instinctively holding her satchel +aloft, to save its fragile contents from fracture, she rocked, shoed and +glided all over the interior of the vehicle, without hope of gaining +breath enough for even one scream, until, nearly unconscious, and, with +her bonnet driven half-way into her chignon, she was helped out by the +hackman at her guardian's door. + +"I am dying!" she groaned. + +"Then please remember me in your will, to the extent of two dollars," +returned the hackman with much humor. "You're only a little sea-sick, +miss; as often happens to people in humble circumstances when they ride +in a kerridge for the first time." + +Still panting, Miss POTTS paid and discharged this friendly man, and, +weariedly entering the building, followed the signs up-stairs to her +guardian's office. + +After knocking several times at the right door without reply, she turned +the knob, and entered so softly that the venerable lawyer was not +aroused from the slumber into which he had fallen in his chair by the +window. With a copy of _Putnam's Magazine_ still grasped in his honest +right hand, good Mr. DIBBLE slept like a drugged person; nor could the +young girl awaken him until, by a happy inspiration, she had snatched +away the monthly and cast it through the casement. + +"Am I dreaming?" exclaimed the aged man, when thus suddenly rescued from +his deadly lethargy at last "Is that you, my dear; or are you your late +mother?" + +"I am your ridiculously unhappy ward," answered the Flowerpot, +tremulously. "Oh, poor, dear, absurd EDDY!" + +"And you have come here all alone?" + +"Yes; and to escape being married to EDDY'S perfectly hateful uncle, who +has the same as ordered me to become his utterly disgusted bride. Oh, +why is it, why is it, that I must be thus persecuted by young men +without property! Why is it that perfectly horrid madmen on salaries are +allowed to claim me as their own!" + +"My dear," cried the old lawyer, leading her to a chair, and striving to +speak soothingly, "if Mr. BUMSTEAD desires to marry you he must indeed +be insane. Such a man ought really to be confined," he continued, pacing +thoughtfully up and down the room. "This must have been the idea that +was already turning his brain when--bless my soul!--he actually +intimated, first, that I, and then, that Mr. SIMPSON, had killed his +nephew!" + +"He thinks, now, that I, or MAGNOLIA PENDRAGON, may have done it,--the +hateful creature!" said FLORA, passionately. + +"I see, I see," assented Mr. DIBBLE, nodding. "When he has you in his +head, my dear, he himself must clearly be out of it. You shall stay here +and take tea with me, and then I will take you to FRENCH'S Hotel for +your accommodation during the night." + +It was a sight to see him tenderly help her off with her bonnet; and +suggestive to hear him say, that if a man could only take off his brains +as easily as a woman hers, what a relief it would be to him +occasionally. It was curious to see him peep into her bottle-filled +satchel, with an old man's freedom; and to hear him audibly wonder +thereat, whether, after all, men were any more addicted than women to +the social glass when they wanted to put a better face on affairs. And, +after the waiter bringing him toast and tea from a neighboring +restaurant had brought an additional slice and cup for the guest, it was +pleasant to behold him smiling across the office-table at that guest, +and encouraging her to eat as much as she would if a member of his sex +were not looking. + +"It must be absurdly ridiculous to stay here all alone, as you do, sir," +observed FLORA. + +"But I am not always alone," answered Mr. DIBBLE. "My clerk, Mr. +BLADAMS, now taking a vacation in the country, is generally here though, +to be sure, I may lose him before long. He's turned literary." + +"How perfectly frightful!" said Miss POTTS. + +"He has set up for a genius, my child, and is now engaged upon a great +American novel. Discontented with the law, he is giving great attention +to this; but Free Trade will not, I am afraid, allow any American +publisher to bring it out." + +"Free Trade?" repeated FLORA. + +"Yes, my dear, Free Trade; that is, while American publishers can steal +foreign novels for nothing, they are not going to pay anything for +native fiction." + +Yawning behind her hand, the Flowerpot murmured something about Free +Trade being positively absurd, and her guardian went on: + +"Nevertheless, Mr. BLADAMS is going on-with his work, which he calls +'The Amateur Detective;' and if it ever does come out you shall have a +copy.--But, by the by," added the lawyer, suddenly, "you have not yet +fully described to me the interview in which poor Mr. EDWIN'S uncle +offered to become your husband." + +She gave him a full history of the Ritualistic organist's handsome offer +to her of his H. and H.; adding her own final decision in the matter as +precipitated by the possibility of a General European war; and Mr. +DIBBLE heard the whole with an air of studious attention. + +"Although I have certainly no particular reason for befriending Mr. +BUMSTEAD," said he, reflectively, "I shall take measures to keep him +from you. Now come with me to FRENCH'S Hotel. To-morrow I will call +there for you, you know, and then, perhaps, you may be taken to see your +friend, Miss PENDRAGON." + +Having obtained for his ward a room in the hotel named, and seen her +safely to its shelter, the good old lawyer visited the bar-room of the +establishment, for the purpose of ascertaining whether any evil-disposed +person could get in through that way for the disturbance of his fair +charge. After which he departed for his home in Gowanus. + +(_To be Continued.) + + * * * * * + +MOTTO FOR ALL GOOD CUBANS.--"The labor we delight in physics (S)pain." + + * * * * * + +THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. + +Punctually as announced, the FIFTH AVENUE THEATRE has re-opened. It has +been improved by the addition of several private boxes that remind one +of the square pews in old-fashioned churches, (by the way, why do +Puseyites object to pews?) and by the erection of a hydrant near the +conductor's seat, so that when the audience can endure STOEPEL'S music +no longer, they can turn on the water and drown him and his long-winded +orchestra. This latter improvement meets with our hearty approval, and +we earnestly hope to see it put to the excellent use for which it is +designed without further delay. Manager DALY is now offering to his +patrons the new comedy of _Man and Wife_. The old-fashioned play of that +name, which is daily acted everywhere about us, is usually more of a +tragedy than a comedy, but Mr. DALY'S _Man and Wife_ is comedy, farce, +muscular christianity, and paralysis pleasantly mingled together. As +thus: + +ACT I.--GEOFFREY DELAMAYN _and his brother are seen conversing in an +arbor. (Don't let the printer imagine that I mean Ann Arbor. It was bad +enough in_ WILKIE COLLINS _to banish his dramatis personae to Scotland; +but he was nevertheless too humane to send them to Michigan_.) + +JULIUS DELAMAYN. "GEOFFREY, you really must do something. The unmannerly +people who are just coming into the theatre make such a noise that I +couldn't be heard if I took the trouble to preach to you for an hour, so +I won't attempt to make my meaning any clearer." + +GEOFFREY. "I will or I won't, I forget which. However, the audience +can't hear. We've got a pretty good house here to-night I wonder if my +muscles really show to any extent. Here comes LADY LUNDIE and her +friends." + +LADY LUNDIE. "I choose everybody to play croquet on my side. The rest +may play on BLANCHE'S side. Miss SYLVESTER, you look as if you could not +stand alone. Therefore I order you to play." + +ANNIE SYLVESTER. "Madame, I will. GEOFFREY, meet me here in ten minutes, +or you'll be sorry for it." (Exit everybody. ANNIE and GEOFFREY +returning on tip-toe.) + +ANNIE. "You must marry me this afternoon. Meet me at the inn on the +moor." + +GEOFFREY. "I won't cross the moor with you. DESDEMONA foolishly crossed +the Moor, and came to grief in consequence. I take warning by her. I +hate you, but I suppose I must marry you, or you'll sell all my letters +to the _Sun_."--(_They go out to be married_.) + +ARNOLD _enters and makes love to_ BLANCHE. SIR PATRICK _does the comic +business with_ LEWIS'S _usual humor_. (_What a nice man_ LEWIS _must be +for girls to quarrel with; he "makes up" so nicely--this is a joke_.) +LADY LUNDIE _enters and announces that_ ANNIE _is no longer her +governess, that misguided person having thrown up her situation, for the +irrational reason that it was an interesting one, and having fled in the +silence of the after-dinner hour. Shrieks of horror from the young +ladies, who desist from knocking their croquet-balls into the orchestra +and the proscenium boxes; and triumphant falling of a new act-drop_. +STOEPEL, _having thought of a sweet passage for the fife, in a Chinese +opera, plays it uninterruptedly for forty-five minutes. A deaf old +gentleman approvingly remarks that this is really classical music_. + +ACT II.--_A storm at the inn on the Moor_. Miss SYLVESTER _waits for +her_ GEOFFREY _and her tea. Enter_ ARNOLD. + +ARNOLD. " GEOFFREY can't come, so he has sent me. I know your situation, +and shall have to feel for you if it gets much darker and they don't +bring candles. That is, if I'm to shake hands with you. I have told +everybody here that you are my wife. Let's have a little game of +seven-up, and pass the time profitably." + +ANNIE. "Oh, villain (I mean GEOFFREY,) you have de-ser-er-erted me. Oh, +rash young person, (I mean you, ARNOLD,) I'm inclined to think that +you've married me by Scotch law, without having meant it. If so, you'll +have to go to America and see BEECHER about a divorce." (_Curtain +subsequently falls, and_ STOEPEL _orders the big drum to beat for an +hour, while the musicians take advantage of the noise to tune their +instruments.) Deaf old gentleman remarks again that he does like_ +WAGNER'S _music. Half the audience hold their ears, while the other half +flee madly away until the entr' acte is over_. + +ACT III.--GEOFFREY _boxes with his trainer, and slings Indian clubs and +wooden dumb-bells_. + +GEOFFREY. "There! Thank heaven I didn't break anything. The scenery, the +footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the week is out, +however, if this prize-ring business isn't cut out. Here comes ARNOLD." + +ARNOLD. "How's Miss SYLVESTER?" + +GEOFFREY. "If you say anything more about her, I'll put a head on you. +She's your wife. You're a married man." + +ARNOLD. "_Married_! You infamous editor of a two cent daily paper; I +deny it. (_Curtain again falls, and_ STOEPEL _plays the entire opera of_ +ERNANI _for two hours. Deaf old gentleman remarks that music is the_ +STOEPEL _entertainment at this theatre, and that he really likes it. The +rest of the audience look at him with horror, as though he were a sort +of aggravated and superfluous cannibal_.) + +ACT IV.--_Sir_ PATRICK _proves that_ GEOFFREY _is married to_ ANNIE, +_and that_ ARNOLD _isn't_. GEOFFREY _takes his weeping wife home with +him. Everybody finds out that_ GEOFFREY _is an enormous liar and an +unmitigated blackguard. Through the open windows are seen the editors of +the Sun and the Free Press, each determined to be the first to offer_ +GEOFFREY _a place on the staff of his respective journal. The curtain +falls and_ STOEPEL _directs each member of the orchestra to play the +tune that he may like best. After three hours of this sort of thing a +humane person in the audience brings in a saw and begins to file it. The +rest of the audience are thereupon gently lulled to sleep by the music +of the file--so soft and soothing does it sound by contrast with_ +STOEPEL'S _demoniac orchestra._ + +ACT V.--ANNIE, _in the midst of misery and a gorgeous silk dress with +lace trimmings, is seen going to bed in her best clothes, and without +taking her hair down--this being the well-known custom among fashionably +dressed girls_. GEOFFREY _enters and attempts to strangle her, but she +is awakened by the considerate forethought of a dumb woman, who loudly +calls her, and_ GEOFFREY _conveniently lies down and dies of paralysis. +All the rest of the dramatis personae enter, and indulge in exclamations +of joy. The curtain falls for the last time, and_ STOEPEL _is removed +under the protection of a strong platoon of policemen, to the secret +abode where_ DALY _keeps him hidden during the day from the wrath of an +outraged public_. + +And the undersigned goes home to breakfast--it being now nearly 6 +A.M.--reflecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the +scenery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the +play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,) +the pluck of the young manager, and the unredeemed badness of the +orchestra, as it is conducted by Mr. STOEPEL. Tell me, gentle DALY, +tell; why in the name of all that is intelligent, do you let STOEPEL +transform each _entr' acte_ at your theatre into a prolonged purgatory, +by the villainous way in which he plays the most execrable music, for +the most intolerable periods of time? + +MATADOR. + + * * * * * + +L. N. IN PRUSSIA. + + Yes, I am quite upset; + In fact, I'm dizzy yet + With all that rapid riding, day and night; + But still, two things I see; + They've made an end of Me, + And blown the Empire higher than a kite! + + Yes, here I am, at last-- + And all my dreams are past. + didn't think to enter Prussia thus! + Confound that "Vorwarts" man! + When first the war began + He seemed as logy as an omnibus. + + Faugh! smell the Sweitzer Kaise! + The same in every place, eh? + How these big Germans love an ugly stench! + My! what a taste they've got + For articles that rot; + And can it be, they live so near the French? + + I'm in a pretty nest! + And, worse than all the rest, + Is thinking how I got here; there's the rub. + When I have mused awhile + On all my luck, so vile, + I almost wish they'd hit me with a club! + + It's very well to say-- + "I might have won the day, + If things had only gone this way or that;" + I should have _made_ them go, + And let these Germans know + That _they_ must go, too! or be cut down flat. + + They didn't go, it seems; + Except 'twas in my dreams! + And, consequently, I must bid good bye + To titles, power and state, + Which I enjoyed of late, + And curse my dismal fate--poor Louis and I! + + * * * * * + +THE PLYMOUTH ROCK. + +The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand of +society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one to +believe that Mr. PUNCHINELLO does not like a little fresh air. And +surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize no one's social +standing if the thing is not repeated too often. At least so thought Mr. +P., and he determined, one fine morning last week, that he would hurry +up his business as fast as possible, and take a trip on Col. FISK'S +steamboat to Sandy Hook. A man calling with a bundle of puns detained +him so long that he found that he would not be able to reach the 11 A.M. +boat without he made unusual haste. + +Rushing into the street, therefore, he hailed a passing hack, and +ordered the driver to take him, as quickly as possible, to the Plymouth +Rock. + +When the carriage stopped, and the man opened the door, Mr. P. rubbed +his eyes, for he had fallen into a doze, on the way, and sprang hastily +out. + +But what a sight met his gaze! + +Before him was the hack, covered with mud and dust, and the horses in a +position indicating utter exhaustion: to his right lay a huge +unsymmetrical stone, while behind him rolled the heaving waters of Cape +Cod bay! The man had mistaken his directions, and had driven him to JOHN +CARVER'S old Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, instead of JAMES FISK Jr.'s +steamboat at Pier 28, North River. + +"There's the rock, yer honor," said the man, pointing to the mis-shapen +stone, "and an awful time I've had a drivin' yer honor to it." + +"How long have you been, coming here?" asked the astounded Mr. P. + +"Nigh on to three days, yer honor, and I drove as fast as I could, +hopin' to get back by the Sunday in time for the Centhral Park, but I +had to stop sometimes for feed and wather, and it's no use me whippin' +up afther all, for sorra the good them horses will be for the Centhral +Park on the Sunday." + +"And how much do I owe you for all this?" asked Mr. P. + +"Well, sir," said the man, "I won't charge your honor nothin' for the +feed and my victuals, for I'd had to have found them if yer hadn't a +hired me; and I'll only charge ye three dollars a hour, for sure yer +honor never give me the least thruble, slapeing there as swate as an +infant all the time, and that'll be jist two hundred and four dollars, +and if yet honor could give me a thrifle besides to drink yer health, +I'd be obliged to yer honor." + +Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, and the +rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars and +twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and declared +his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about forty miles +away, and taking the railroad for New York + +"If I don't, ye see, yer honor, I'll never get back in time for the +Sunday; and the horses will be restin' in the cars." + +As the man made his preparations and departed, Mr. P. stood and watched +him until he slowly faded out of sight. + +When he had entirely disappeared, Mr. P. sat down upon the rock and +reflected. Now that he was here, what had he best do? He had never seen +the rock before, and as it struck him that possibly some of his patrons +might be in the same unfortunate condition, he concluded that he would +take a few sketches of it for their benefit. But he did not succeed very +well. The first drawing he made had a strange appearance. It looked more +like an old woman tied to a post, and surrounded by what seemed to be +flames, than anything else. This surely was not a correct view of this +famous rock, and so Mr. P. commenced another sketch. This, however, +looked so much like a man with a broad-brimmed hat, hanging by his neck +to a rope, that he concluded to try again. + +His next sketch bore a striking resemblance to something that certainly +did not seem like a rock, but which, after some deliberation, he found +to look very much like a shrinking Southern negro, forced into the ranks +to supply the place of a citizen of Massachusetts. Everybody might not +be able to see this, but Mr. P. thought he perceived it plainly. + +The last sketch made by Mr. P. somewhat resembled one whose connection +with "The Plymouth Rock" has certainly been of more practical benefit to +the public than that of any of the " old founders," or anybody else--at +least so far as Mr. P. can see. If any one doubts this, let him ask +General GRANT. + +Now should his readers see anything at all suggestive of sober and +beneficial reflection in these sketches, Mr. P.'s visit to Plymouth Rock +was not made in vain. + + * * * * * + +A LETTER FROM L. N. + +DEAR PUNCHINELLO: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time hence, it +should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of writing this +letter, you will please understand that I wasn't there, at that moment, +having had a little business to transact with my good friend WILLIAMS, +of PRUSSIA. I am at present engaged upon a tour of the German States in +the company of a pleasant little excursion party, who met me at Sedan, +and received me warmly. + +Everybody seems glad to greet me, particularly at this time, and all +express regrets that I couldn't have come earlier in the season. They +are aware of the interest I have ever felt in the great German people, +and I am assured they welcome with enthusiasm my pet theory of the +solidarity of nations. + +I intend remaining here awhile, feeling sure that there is nothing to +call me homeward for the present. The truth is, my friend, I am getting +weaned of the French people. So soon as my obligations to my very good +friends in Prussia will permit, you may look for me in New York. Yes, +dear PUNCHINELLO, greatest and beet of Philosophers! expect to see me +walking into your Sanctum one of these fine mornings,--probably with my +son LOUIS,--delighted to see you, and glad to turn my back on those +scenes so long familiar, which, in their new and popular dress, could +hardly be expected to afford me much exhilaration. + +From an inferior man, I should expect officious and quite gratuitous +commiseration over the fate of the late Empire. You, however, will +readily perceive it to be possible that I should rather be +congratulated. You would not exchange your dignified leisure, your +careless toils, for the best of sovereignties. Why, then, should I, who +have made you my exemplar, feel a pang at parting with a sceptre which +for years has only tired my hand? + +I picture myself seated with my family on the heights at Weehawken, +smoking a good cigarette, and musing on the affairs of nations as I +watch the flow of that superb river (as much finer than the Rhine, my +friend, as wine is finer than lagerbier!) which I have often, in days +gone by, admired and extolled by the hour. + +I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son the Prince +of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the Inevitable. + +And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable that I was +always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable Prussian. But I +have faced much more terrible things. In your very city of Hoboken, I +have stood face to face with a German creditor! Will any one henceforth +doubt my fortitude? + +I have one rather comforting reflection, apropos to that _rencontre._ I +have taken care to arm myself against future assaults of that nature. I +am Gold-Plated. + +If your highly-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict me in a +connection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make a sketch +entitled: "The Two Exiles,"--one of whom may be,my Uncle at St. Helena; +the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of wine at my +side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PUNCHINELLO in the other! + +But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the (d)evil +thereof. + +Royally yours, + +L. N. + + * * * * * + +Maxim for the next new President. + +"A place for everybody, and everybody in his place." + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: ON COLOR. + +_Cousin Bella, (admiring picture.)_ "HOW IS IT, FRED, THAT YOU PRODUCE +SUCH LOVELY COLOR, AND WITH SO MUCH FACILITY?" + +_Fred, (thinking of his meerschaum.)_ "I DON'T TELL EVERYBODY THAT, YOU +INQUISITIVE TEASE, BUT FACT IS, I PUT THE STUMP OF AN OLD PAINT-BRUSH IN +THE BOWL, AND SMOKE THE OILIEST TOBACCO I CAN FIND."] + + * * * * * + +THE BATTLE AT SEDAN. + +Special Correspondence of Punchinello. + +(This paper is the only paper on the planet which has a correspondent at +the seat of war, wherever that seat may be. The following dispatch was +sent to us by cable at a total expense of $21,000.) + +It was a still, calm night, the glorious moon was sailing through the +sky; the river was running water; the clouds were cloudy; the soldiers +were soldiering. I stepped out of my tent and tumbled over VON MOLTKE. +He took my arm and invited me to the tent of the Crown Prince. + +"MOLTY," said I, "what's your little game?" + +"Penny ante," replied he. + +"_Trés bien,_" added I. + +"You are a French spy. Ha! ha!" said he, grasping my collar. "Ho! Ho!" + +"_Das ish goot,_" added I. + +"Then you're Dutch," sighed he, dropping me like a hot pair of tongs. + +In the tent we found the King, the Crown Prince, Gen. STEINMETZ, Gen. +SHERIDAN, and Gen. FORSYTH. + +"MOLTY," said I, "introduce me to the King." + +"BILL," said he, "this is JENKINS." + +BILL held out his foot and I took a suck at his great toe. + +Then we went at the game. BILL is pretty good at it, but then he doesn't +stand any chance beside MOLTY. The Crown Prince lost at least fourteen +cents, and, just as he had a splendid opportunity to retrieve his +losses, in came an aide, who announced that the French had squatted. + +"Where?" cried VON MOLTKE. + +"In Sedan," replied the aide. + +"I knew it," said MOLTY. "BILL, I told you they had no horses for a +regular carriage." + +Then we went out. The King invited me to sit in his carriage with MOLTY +and SHERIDAN. We reached the scene of war. + +The moon shone; the mountains were mountainous; the trees were treey; +and the soft September breeze was breezy. BISMARCK came up and asked the +King to let him cut behind. + +"BIS," said I, "take my seat; I'll take a trip to the French camp." + +So I tripped over to the French camp and found things somewhat mixed. +The moon shone. Steadily the Prussian troops advanced; and, with a +heroism worthy of a better cause, the French retreated. The Emperor +wanted to die in the rear of his men. + +"NAP," said I, "you'd better get up and get. The Prussians are coming." + +"JENKINS," said he, "kiss me for my mother, I'm betrayed." + +"Why didn't you have more cheesepots?" said I. + +"I'll surrender," said he, "get out a white flag." + +So I took one of EUGENIE'S old pocket-handkerchiefs which I found in the +tent, stuck it on the end of the sabre of the nephew of his uncle, put +NAP in the carriage, jumped in myself and drove to the Prussian camp. +The moon shone; all nature smiled; the rivers were rivery; the Sedans +were chairy. + +BILL received us very coolly at first, but I gave BIS the wink, and he +suggested to his Majesty that he'd better take the Emperor prisoner. + +"NAP," said BILL, "is the game up?" + +"BILL," said NAP, "you've scored the game. I leave my old clothes to the +Regent. I hope she'll like the breeches." + +Then he treated to cigarettes, and we all went back to our game of penny +ante. NAP wouldn't join us. He said he'd just been playing a game with +crowns ante and he was busted. We'd hardly got the cards dealt, when +BILL turned to BISMARCK and asked, "I say, BIS, won't you run over and +telegraph to the old woman something about our FRITZ?" + +"Let JENKINS go," said BIS. + +Of course I assented to the proposition. + +"Where the devil is FRITZ?" said BILL. + +"Oh, he's been sleeping for the last two hours," said MOLTKE. + +"Never mind," said BILL, "telegraph a victory by FRITZ." + +So I telegraphed, + +"A great victory has been won by our FRITZ. What great things have we +done for ourselves! We'll keep it up, old woman, + +(Signed) BILL." + +When I reached the tent everybody was asleep. NAP was reclining +gracefully on the breast of BISMARCK, as affectionately as if they were +brothers-in-law. The moon shone; the sky was skyey; the hills were +hilly; and all nature was getting up. + +Anybody who says the above did not come over the cable lies, wickedly, +maliciously lies, with intent to deceive. As soon as JACK SMITH'S smack +sails, I'll send you a piece of the cable it came over. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: Mr. Bull: The Sutler of the World] + + * * * * * + +HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM + +He Reviews the Career of a Lunatic. -- A Graduate with Nice Ideas. + +KING WILYAM, Most noble Loonatic: + +_We gates all der while!_ Accordin' to the Marine Cable, I understand +you've given old BONEY a _slosh on der cope mit der Sweitzer case;_ or +in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON has taken his Umpire, +and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit of Judge or Jewry. + +I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the Umpire +tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in his +panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his +nabors. + +I've allers heard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the French say +you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, "Be be Jost or Gobler damed," +to cote from our friend BILLY SHAKESPEER. + +We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, mor'en +once. + +If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can wallop his +wife to his heart's content; and if anybody interferes, he can popp him +off with a six shooter, and the law will stand to his back. + +Judges and Jewrys, when tryin' such a man, think he is sum punkins, +while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated Loonatic's +fotograf onto their first page. + +I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the melon-colic, (this +bein' the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of the _pro temper_ +kind? + +I shoulden't wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited it from +your illustrous Antsister, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about as sassy a +Loonatic as you can pick up. + +What _we_ need just now, and what _we_ have needed for a good while, is +a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as minister. + +With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them 'ere little Alabarmy claims +would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this court knows +herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent off howlin', +with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage. + +You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics. Yes, sir! they are the +"Coming man," the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers can't hold a +candle to 'em. + +When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if they'd bust +their biler tryin', then he is sot down as bein' crazy as a loon by his +jelous nabors. + +I haven't heard whether BISMARK'S or FRITZ'S upper storys were shaky, or +not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but what both of +these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FRANCIS TRAIN any day; and +that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin' tragic attitoods, +and repeatin' the follerin well known verses: + + "I am not mad! + I am not mad! + But only on my mussle. + Old NAP'd been glad + If he and King dad + Had never got into a tussle." + +My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose son was so +_bully_ at pickin' up _bullocks,_ is to congratulate you. + +Speakin' after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. Havin' +served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can rely on +my giving a good sound opinion, from which there haint no repeal to a +higher court. + +What do you think of my startin' a college here for the purpus of +edicatin' Loonatics? + +We've got 3 colliges here, Harvard, 'Ale, and the Electoral College, and +a skalier lot of week-kneed timber than these institutions sometimes +turns out, would make you stick to your stomack to look at. + +Stugents are turned out from these asilums with pooty ristocratick idees +into their nozzles. + +I once knew a chap who was a gradooate of one of these institutions of +larning, + +He was more ristocratick than a retired church deekin'. + +When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the funeral, so +he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the corpse to +wear, doorin' the funeral services. + +Thinks I, that was shovin' a good thing rather too deep in the ground, +merely for the sake of pilin' on the agony. + +However, that's the way of the world; larnin' will stick out, and you +can't atop her. + +That son of your'n, FRITZ, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer. + +If he haint in that precarious situation which SARY F. NORTON calls +"mummery," and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good honest +folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he mite go +further and fare a site wusser, than to come over here and examine my +stock of risin' feminine genders. + +Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who understands her biz +as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her gals won't be troubled +to death by keepin' a cook to boss 'em around. + +Doorin' the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin' in the +sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, MARIAR'S +biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal to the way +a big dinner at DELMONICO'S, N.Y., will flop over a New York Alderman. + +The surest way of gettin' round a public man, is via his stomack. + + Like ALADIN'S lamp, you can + By merely givin' a rub, + Bring around most any man, + By fillin' him up with grub. + +But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose quil, and +go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter let me speak +a word for your noble prisoner, L. NAPOLEON, Esq. + +Deal gently with him. + +Altho' he plade the wrong card when he pitched into you, recollect the +old maxum: + +"Never bute a feller when he is down." + +France is better, in a good many respects, for things LEWIS done for +'em. + +But he has gone to the shades, and SHAKSPEER aptly says: + + "The evil which men do, + Lives a darn site longer than + The evil they don't do." + +Which sentiment shode that old SHAKE was a hulsail dealer in human +nater. + +Hopin' that in the days of your prosperity, you wont forgit your poor +relations, sich as _mothers-in-law_ and the like, and when they come to +visit you, you wont say: + +"Nix cum arous," + +I will dry up. + +Ewers anon, + +HIRAM GREEN, Esq., + +_Lait Gustise of the Peece_ + + * * * * * + +THE LOVERS. + +In Different Moods and Tenses. + + SALLY SALTER, she was a young teacher, who taught, + And her friend, CHARLEY CHURCH, was a preacher, who praught; + Though his enemies called him a screecher, who scraught. + + His heart, when he saw her, kept sinking, and sunk, + And his eye, meeting hers, began winking, and wunk; + While she, in her turn, fell to thinking, and thunk. + + He hastened to woo her, and sweetly he wooed, + For his love grew until to a mountain it grewed, + And what he was longing to do, then he doed. + + In secret he wanted to speak, and he spoke, + To seek with his lips what his heart long had soke; + So he managed to let the truth leak, and it loke. + + He asked her to ride to the church, and they rode; + They so sweetly did glide, that they both thought they glode, + And they came to the place to be tied, and were tode. + + Then homeward he said let us drive, and they drove, + And soon as they wished to arrive, they arrove; + For whatever he couldn't contrive, she controve. + + The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole, + At the feet where he wanted to kneel, there he knole, + And he said, " I feel better than ever I fole." + + So they to each other kept clinging, and clung, + While Time his swift circuit was winging, and wung; + And this was the thing he was bringing, and brung. + + The man SALLY wanted to catch, and had caught-- + That she wanted from others to snatch, and had snaught-- + Was the one that she now liked to scratch, and she scraught + + And CHARLEY'S warm love began freezing, and froze, + While he took to teasing, and cruelly toze + The girl he had wished to be squeezing, and squoze. + + "Wretch!" he cried when she threatened to leave him, and left, + "How could you deceive me, as you have deceft?" + And she answered, "I promised to cleave, and I've cleft!" + +AMOS KEETER + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A PRETTY IDEA OF MR. VAN LITTLEDRAM: HE TAKES HIS +YOUNGSTER OUT FOR A SAIL, THUS, AND SAVES THE EXPENSE OF A BOAT.] + + * * * * * + +THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. + +CANTO VII. + + Tom, Tom the Pipers' son, + Stole a Pig, and away he run; + The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat. + And TOM went roaring down the street. + +The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great excitement in +the period in which it occurred, although at the present date it would +not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest ripple on the +glassy calm of our most, sleepy village. + +We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little peccadillo such as +the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a purse, unless it +contains a large amount, and was taken under the most aggravating +circumstances from ourselves. + +A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect hundreds of +people, or a midnight murder executed with the malignancy of a fiend, +will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even that soon +passes out of mind, and society settles back into its imperturbable +apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still further, and +becoming by degrees proof against being stirred by anything that does +not affect ourselves personally. + +Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the +astounding temerity of the Piper's son, in laying felonious hands on the +property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement second +only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later days. + +Poor TOM was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for although he was +the one who committed the crime, he was not the only one who reaped a +benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells us, he was the +only one who was punished therefor; so, while we blame him, let us shed +a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, the others the +eating. The scene is graphically described thusly-- + + "Tom, Tom the Piper's son, + Stole a pig, and away he run." + +Here we see Tom, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, listening +to the witching strains of his father's bagpipe, played by the +industrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, with +the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat that +both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its day +and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought to +bear upon it, TOM'S eyes, roving around from window to door, happen to +light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent +beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for +human rights. + +Alas! TOM is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the +fascinating pig, and he doesn't know how strong his principles are, nor +how far he will go to maintain them. + +He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, the desire +to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a +determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal +that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed +upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it as +a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it tightly +in his hands, and skedaddles. + +The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of piggy is +unnoticed till the red-headed urchin whose playmate it is looks around +for the loved companion, of his childish sports, and finds it not. Great +research, amid loud outcries, is made, resulting only in the conviction +that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace behind. + +TOM, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart swelling +with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the arms of his +maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the dainty prize. +Visions of a luscious supper float through the mind of the female +piperess, as she bestows her motherly benediction upon her thoughtful +son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned lesson of +cooking a sucking pig. + +Having accomplished the "First get your pig" part, the rest comes easy; +and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories are sainted +with an odor that startles him from his generally despondent mood, and +awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an unusual flavor from his +usually flavorless abode. He enters and finds a smiling wife and son, +with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. "What next occurred the Poet +tells us in the laconic words + + "The pig was eat." + +There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the fact was +enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, and this +happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They couldn't eat +them, and they didn't own a dog; so they picked them clean and threw +them away. But, "Murder will out," and the tiny bones told their own +tale. The village detective soon coupled the feet of the missing pig +with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the door of the +musician's abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to the +detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a pig's +bones--a stolen pig's bones, from the fact that the Piper did not earn +enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole the +sucking-pig? + +Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to have any +light-fingered proclivities. + +Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe and could +prove an alibi. + +There was no one left but TOM. Circumstances pointed him out: he loved +good eating and hated work, and had been noticed gazing upon the charms +of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. TOM was the thief, and +the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too uncertain and +expensive, TOM was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was resolved to +take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells us + + "TOM was beat." + +Undoubtedly TOM was glad when they got through, and although he + + "Went roaring down the street," + +it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his bacon. It +was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had no stomach +pumps in those days. + + * * * * * + +Scene.--A. City Restaurant. + +_Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast_.) "Anything more, +sir?" + +_Customer_. "H'm--well--yes; bring me an omelette souffle." + +_Waiter_. "Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessir." + +(_Exit, humming the popular tune_.) + + * * * * * + +Unintentionally Appropriate. + +The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and then +innocently requests the "False Reporting" _Tribune_ to copy it! + + * * * * * + +BY GEORGE! + +(_Continued_.) + +LAKE GEORGE, Sept 5. + +DEAR PUNCHINELLO:--In my last I promised to finish my trip on the Lake +and give you some reliable rumors about the "Rogers' Slide." + +I am prepared to do this to-day, in a happy and congratulatory frame of +mind. + +I have had breakfast this morning. + +When I say this I mean that I have had this morning's breakfast this +morning. + +Any one who has achieved so remarkable a success, at this place, can +safely plume himself on his patience and physical endurance. + +For instance, this morning, for the first time, I ordered broiled Spring +Chicken. + +The waiter gave me a disconsolate look and proceeded to gird up his +loins with a base ball belt. + +In a few moments he dashed past the window in hot pursuit of a fowl of +venerable appearance, but of a style of going that would have put to +shame any ostrich that Dr. LIVINGSTONE ever saw. + +I asked the head waiter if he called that a _Spring Chicken_? + +He said he guessed that chicken could out-Spring any chicken in the +place. + +This clears up another great hotel mystery. + +The man outflanked this gentle birdling on the eighth time round, in +6.23, which is considered very good indeed, and beats the time of the +late Harvard and Yale "Foul" considerably. + +I say "outflanked," because it is not the intention of these sunny +Amendments to put an end to these feathery Dexters immediately, but to +drive them into the ten-pin alley, where they are leisurely bowled to an +untimely end. As, however, pony balls are generally used, and there are +always half a dozen darkies standing around ready to bet that the +chicken won't be killed in forty balls, or sixty, as the case may be, +this part of the process is rather tedious to the guest + +Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not more than +nine or ten-pin feathers left. + +Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called "Sabbath Day Point," +in consequence of ABERCROMBIE having landed there on a Wednesday +morning. + +Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see the Point. + +A gentleman on board informed me that the water was so clear at this +place that one could "see objects when thirty feet from the bottom." + +I have thought and thought over this remark, but am unable to see what +one's distance from the bottom has to do with his "seeing objects." + +I give it up. + +On the opposite side of the Lake is a hill called "Sugar Loaf +Mountain"--because it is a sweet place for loafers, I suppose. + +Finally we passed "Rogers' Slide," which is a rocky precipice three +hundred feet high, sloping nearly perpendicularly into the water. A +decidedly unpleasant-looking place for cellar-door practice. + +There are a great many romantic traditions about this same ROGERS, who +is regarded by the simple natives as having been an altogether +high-minded and gorgeous character--the fact being that he was one of +those unmitigated old scamps who owe to the accident of having lived in +Revolutionary times, the distinction of being held up to the emulation +of primary schools as a "Patriot Hero." Literally he was simply an +"unmixed evil," fighting only to steal something, and devoting what time +and talent he could spare from his legitimate profession--which was +_seven-up_--to generally bedevilling and encroaching upon the +neighboring Indians. + +As an enchroachist he was immense. + +The noble red-skins alluded to finally concluded that enough was enough, +and appointed a Special Commission to put a permanent end to the +delicate attentions of the "Marked Back." + +This _sobriquet_ they conferred upon him partly on account of the fact +that he usually received his wounds while leaving their immediate +vicinity, and partly because of a peculiar characteristic of the kind of +cards he used. + +The Commissioners caught ROGERS out hunting, and chased him until he +came to this precipice, down which he slid into the Lake below, and, +unfortunately, escaped unharmed. + +The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his snow-shoes, +soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they concluded to +"let him slide." + +Hence the name. + +Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone over. +Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left produced +a profound impression on their untutored minds. + +They at once concluded that he was drowned, or had got "in with" some +bad spirits. + +It is obvious, however, to the most casual observer of the place, that +the reverse must have been the case. The bad spirits were in him. + +The mark worn by Mr. R's "cheviots" in his descent can still be +distinctly seen. + +About half way up is a shining object which is generally believed to be +a suspender button. + +This, however, is merely conjectural. + +The clerk of the boat, of whom I have spoken before, tells me that until +within a few years back, the hole in the water where ROGERS struck could +be seen. + +"But it is all gone now," he said, shaking his head sadly. "Nothing can +escape the Vandal horde of tourists and relic hunters. Piece by piece +they have carried the hole away, and there is no trace of it left now." + +And he "wept at my tranquillity." + +At the north end of the Lake we took stages for Fort Ticonderoga. These +vehicles were run by a man who was pointed out as a "character," which +means a sort of licensed nuisance. + +The monomania of this individual was speech making, and much reflection +inclines me to the belief that he is some unappreciated politician who +has invented a way of "taking it out" on the unhappy public as follows: + +He waits until his five immense stages arrive at some remote and +solitary part of the road, then draws them up in a semi-circle, mounts a +stump, and--on pretence of exhibiting the beauties of nature--proceeds +to harangue the helpless fares to the top of his very high bent, or +until one of the slumbering "outsides" creates a welcome diversion by +falling off and breaking his neck. + +We came to what was really a curiosity--two kinds of trees growing from +one trunk, which this concentration of bores, this _mitrailleuse_, in +fact, improved accordingly. + +"Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the _re_-markable and +_pe_-culiar works of a benign _Per_-rovidence. On the right you see the +sturdy and iron-hearted oak, while on the left you behold the modest and +_be_-utiful ellum. What Having has joined together let no man put +asunder--gerlang with yer hosses!" + +It must have been a Sunday-school Superintendent who invented excursions +to Fort Ty. + +It is not a place to Tye to. + +One old gentleman pointed to an underground hole and advised me to go +and look at the magazine. + +I went; but it is hardly necessary to say that I didn't find any, and, +on the whole, I was glad of it If people don't know any more than to +leave their _Galaxys_ and _Harper's_ lying around loose when travelling, +why, they deserve to have them stolen, that's all. + +I was sorry for the old gentleman, but if there is anything that +disgusts me, it is to meet people that ain't posted about things. + +As the steamer neared the Hotel, on our return, the departing sun was +flinging back his last good-night smile on the lovely scene below, and +the musical chime of the little church at Caldwell came stealing sweetly +over the bosom of the placid Lake. As its fairy-like sounds reached our +ears, a melancholy-looking man with long hair, who sat near, started, +smiled, and turning to me, said: + +"Did I ever tell you that story about SLUKER?" + +As I had never seen the party before, I replied that if he had I had +forgotten it. + +"SLUKER," he repeated, gazing absently at the distant spire; "SLUKER," +he reiterated, rubbing his nose abstractedly with the handle of his +umbrella; "SLUKER," he continued-- + +--in my next, my dear PUNCHINELLO, in my next. + + SAGINAW DODD. + +[_To be continued_.] + + * * * * * + +Sauce + +There can be no doubt that Grévy is in the right place, as a member of +the Provisional government of France. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: _Old Gent_. "Don't scatter water on my feet, man,--do you +suppose I want 'em to grow any bigger?"] + + * * * * * + +EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES. + +Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the +mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would +be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of +sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go +to the making up of an efficient "Hawkshaw." + +That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a +circumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had +been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of +counterfeiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations +immediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in +the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as +that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the +counterfeiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted +descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets +of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, +occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few +gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none +more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is duty--often +stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted +their Spitz-dog noses between the joints of the artists' doors, and, +having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic +malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and +paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile +den. + +Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, +although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipes--tobacco +being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone +great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work +was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic +malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil. Some of the officers +seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the +delinquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police +station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the +night. + +Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were +discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistake--or a joke--we +are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly interested do +not look upon it as a joke. + +Now it is a very clear case that the mistake in question--or joke--may +be traced to a deficiency of education on the part of these vigilant and +zealous detectives. Had they been properly cultivated in the various +branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have +occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt +its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been acknowledged by +them, and they would have backed out from the August Presence with +obsequious genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether +a course of lectures upon art should not henceforth be considered an +indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We +would not limit the proposed extension of their education, however, to +the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary +accession to the stock of the detectives' learning; and especially would +we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous +vegetables--such as beans. + + * * * * * + +Temporary Obscuration of the "Hub." + +Boston already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also +has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the +loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted +that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Commons. Early +in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Boston must fall +into insignificance and "feel small." On the second day of that month, +Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of +the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Common--all, +all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air +before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant +command. + + * * * * * + +Boy and Man. + +"Miss ANNIE P. LADD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor +and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace." + + To be a man and magistrate + 'Twas natural that ANNIE sighed, + Since she one phase of man's estate + Already as a LADD had tried. + + * * * * * + +A Nut for the Ladies' Club. + +Referring to the recent ladies' boat race at Harlem, a reporter says +that "the girls all rowed badly." This is a discouraging comment on the +frantic efforts now making by women to assume man's attributes, (not to +mention his other "butes" and the what-d'ye-call-'ems generally +associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the +comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. + + * * * * * + +NEW PUBLICATIONS. + +Among the numerous portraits of the late CHARLES DICKENS now before the +public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromograph +lately issued by PRANG & Co., of Boston and New York. It represents the +great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he +last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of +thought--rather as he might have appeared when meditating over some new +turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look +when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three +simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set +in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it +for placing on a wall. + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. Stewart & Co. | + | | + | Have just received several Cases | + | | + | PARIS MADE SILK AND POPLIN | + | | + | Street and Evening | + | | + | DRESSES, | + | | + | Two cases Cloth and Velvet Pattern | + | | + | Sacques, Cloaks, &c., | + | | + | An opening of | + | | + | HANDSOME TRIMMED HATS, | + | | + | Latest Paris Style. Also, | + | | + | Children's and Misses' Undergarments, | + | Infants' Outfits, etc., etc. | + | | + | Several Cases Real India | + | Camel's-Hair Shawls, | + | | + | At unusually attractive prices. | + | | + | Embroideries, Laces, Real Lace and LLama | + | Pointes, Dresses, &c. | + | | + | WEDDING TROUSSEAUX. | + | | + | The above forms only a very small portion of their | + | Large and Attractive Stock of | + | | + | ELEGANT GOODS, | + | | + | Imported and Domestic Made. | + | | + | Offered at | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. Stewart & Co. | + | | + | Offer the largest, richest, and cheapest stock of | + | | + | DRESS GOODS, | + | | + | That has ever been Offered in this City, | + | | + | Comprising many Novelties in | + | | + | Poplins, Armures Cloths, Epinglines, Extra | + | | + | Quality Merinos, Ladies' Cloths, &c., &c. | + | | + | A Large Line of | + | | + | DOMESTIC SHIRTINGS, SHEETINGS, | + | BLANKETS, FLANNELS, | + | | + | And every Variety of | + | | + | HOUSEKEEPING GOODS. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS | + | | + | IN | + | CARPETS. | + | | + | Five Frame | + | ENGLISH BRUSSELS, | + | Reduced to $1.75 per yard. | + | | + | 200 Pieces Five-Frame | + | | + | English Brussels, | + | | + | Greater part Confined Styles, Reduced to $2 per yard. | + | | + | Very Best Quality | + | | + | ENGLISH TAPESTRY BRUSSELS | + | | + | $1.30 per yard. | + | | + | FRENCH MOQUETTES | + | | + | AND | + | | + | AXMINSTERS, | + | | + | $3.50 and $4 per yard. | + | | + | ROYAL WILTONS, | + | | + | Best Quality, $2.50 and $3 per yard. | + | | + | CROSSLEY'S VELVETS, | + | | + | Choice Designs, $2.50 per yard. | + | | + | Superfine Ingrains, 3-Plys. | + | | + | English and Domestic | + | | + | OILCLOTHS, RUGS, | + | | + | MATS, ETC., | + | | + | At Extremely Low Prices. | + | | + | A. T. STEWART & CO. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical | + | Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The | + | Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the | + | Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever | + | published in America. | + | | + | CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. | + | | + | Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) $4.00 | + | " " six months, (without premium,) 2.00 | + | " " three months, " " 1.00 | + | Single copies mailed free, for .10 | + | | + | We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO'S | + | CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year, and | + | | + | "The Awakening," (a Litter of Puppies.) Half chromo. | + | Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,)--for $4.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $3.00 chromos: | + | | + | Wild Roses. 12-1/8 x 9. | + | Dead Game. 11-1/8 x 8-5/8. | + | Easter Morning. 6-3/4 x 10-1/4--for $5.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $5.00 chromos: | + | | + | Group of Chickens; | + | Group of Ducklings; | + | Group of Quails. Each 10 x 12-1/8. | + | The Poultry Yard. 10-1/8 x 14. | + | The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9-3/4 x 13. | + | Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10 x 12--for $6.50 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $6.00 chromos: | + | | + | The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two | + | Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13 x 16-3/4. | + | Spring; Summer: Autumn; 12-7/8 x 16-1/8. | + | The Kid's Play Ground. ll x 17-1/2--for $7.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $7.50 chromos | + | | + | Strawberries and Baskets. | + | Cherries and Baskets. | + | Currants. Each 13 x 18. | + | Horses in a Storm. 22-1/4 x 15-1/4. | + | Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9-1/8 x 4-1/2--for $8.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and Six American Landscapes. | + | (A set.) 4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00--for $9.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $10 chromos: | + | | + | Sunset in California. (Bierstadt) 18-1/8 x 12 | + | Easter Morning. 14 x 21. | + | Corregio's Magdalen. 12-1/2 x 16-3/8. | + | Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) | + | 15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), | + | for $10.00 | + | | + | Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank | + | Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be | + | sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not | + | otherwise ordered. | + | | + | Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, | + | twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in | + | advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of | + | money. | + | | + | CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be | + | given. For special terms address the Company. | + | | + | The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of | + | seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A | + | specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or | + | getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | P.O. Box 2783. | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +[Illustration: FEEDING SPARROWS. + +A HINT TO A CERTAIN CLASS OF "HUMANITARIANS"] + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | "The Printing House of the United States." | + | | + | GEO. F. NESBITT & CO., | + | | + | General JOB PRINTERS, | + | BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, | + | STATIONERS. Wholesale and Retail. | + | LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers. | + | COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers, | + | ENVELOPE Manufacturers, | + | FINE CUT and COLOR Printers. | + | | + | 163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., | + | 73, 75, 77, and 79 FINE ST., New York. | + | | + | ADVANTAGES.--All at the same premises, and under | + | immediate supervision of the proprietors. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Tourists and Pleasure Travelers | + | | + | will be glad to learn that that the Erie Railway Company has | + | prepared | + | | + | COMBINATION EXCURSION or Round Trip Tickets, | + | | + | Valid during the the entire season, and embracing | + | Ithaca--headwaters of Cayuga Lake--Niagara Falls, Lake | + | Ontario, the River St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake | + | Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, the White Mountains, and | + | all principal points of interest in Northern New York, the | + | Canadas, and New England. Also similar Tickets at reduced | + | rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit | + | the celebrated Iron Mountains and Copper Mines of that | + | region. By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., | + | Nos. 241, 529, and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 33 | + | Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 | + | Fulton St., Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and | + | foot of 23rd St., New York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long | + | Dock Depot, Jersey City, and the Agents at the principal | + | hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as | + | well as all the necessary information. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," "Water-Lilies," | + | "Chas. Dickens." | + | | + | PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the world. | + | | + | PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp. | + | | + | L. PRANG & CO., Boston. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | With a large and varied experience in the management and | + | publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and | + | with the still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital | + | to justify the undertaking, the | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. | + | | + | OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK, | + | | + | Presents to the public for approval, the new | + | | + | ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL | + | | + | WEEKLY PAPER, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO, | + | | + | The first number of which was issued under date of April 2. | + | | + | ORIGINAL ARTICLES, | + | | + | Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive | + | ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the | + | day, are always acceptable and will be paid for liberally. | + | Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage | + | stamps are included. | + | | + | TERMS: | + | | + | One copy, per year, in advance ...................... $4.00 | + | | + | Single copies ........................................ .10 | + | | + | A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten | + | cents. | + | | + | One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine | + | or paper, price, $2.50, for................... $5.50 | + | | + | One copy, with any magazine of paper, price $4, for $7.00 | + | | + | | + | All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, | + | | + | P. O. Box, 2783, NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. | + | | + | The New Burlesque Serial, | + | | + | Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO, | + | | + | BY | + | | + | OEPHEUS C. KERR, | + | | + | Commenced in No. 11, will be continued weekly throughout the | + | year. | + | | + | A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom friend, | + | with superb illustrations of | + | | + | 1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, | + | TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY | + | | + | 2D. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE, taken | + | as he appears "Every Saturday," will also be found in the | + | same number. | + | | + | Single Copies, for Sale by all newsmen, (or mailed from this | + | office, free,) Ten Cents. Subscription for One Year, one | + | copy, with $2 Chromo Premium, $4. | + | | + | Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this new | + | serial, which promises to be the best ever written by | + | ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular | + | receipt weekly. | + | | + | We will send the first Ten Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to any one | + | who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on the | + | receipt of SIXTY CENTS. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | + | | + | P. O. Box 2783. 83 Nassau St., New York | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +GEO. W. WHEAT & CO, PRINTERS, No. 8 SPRUCE STREET. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 27, October +1, 1870, by Various + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10035 *** diff --git a/10035-h/10035-h.htm b/10035-h/10035-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..896411d --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/10035-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2106 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> + <meta content="text/html; charset=UTF-8" + http-equiv="Content-Type"> + <title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of PUNCHINELLO Vol. 2, No. 27.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + * { font-family: Times;} + HR { width: 33%; } + // --> + </style> +</head> +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10035 ***</div> + +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" align="center" border="1" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;"><big>CONANT'S</big><br> + </span></p> + <p>PATENT BINDERS FOR</p> + <p> <big><big><b>"PUNCHINELLO",</b></big></big></p> + <p>to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent post-paid, on +receipt of One Dollar,</p> + <p> by</p> + <p><b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,<br> + </b></p> + <p><b>83 Nassau Street, New York City.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p>We will Mail Free</p> + <p><small>A COVER</small><br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Lettered & Stamped,</span><br + style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">with New Title Page<br> + <br> + </span> <small>FOR BINDING<br> + <br> + </small> <b>FIRST VOLUME,</b></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">On Receipt of 50 Cents,</p> + <p><small>OR THE</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">TITLE PAGE ALONE, FREE,</p> + <p><small>On application to</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</p> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">83 Nassau Street.</span> </center> + </td> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>STEEL PENS.</big></big></big></p> + <p>These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and cheaper +than any other Pen in the market. Special attention is called to the +following grades, as being better suited for business purposes than any +Pen manufactured. The</p> + <p><b>"505," "22,"</b> and the <b>"Anti-Corrosive."</b></p> + <p>We recommend for bank and office use.</p> + <p><b>D. APPLETON & CO.,</b> <b><br> +Sole Agents for United States.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" align="center" border="0" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <center> <br> + <br> + <img alt="" src="images/01.jpg"><br> + <h1>PUNCHINELLO</h1> + <h2>Vol. II. No. 27.</h2> + <p>SATURDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1870.</p> + <br> + <h3>PUBLISHED BY THE</h3> + <br> + <h3>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</h3> + <br> + <br> + <h4>83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.</h4> + </center> + <br> + <br> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small>THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD, By ORPHEUS C. KERR, +Continued in this Number.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small>See 15th page for Extra Premiums.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<br> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" border="1" + style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="width: 30%;" rowspan="8"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>Bound Volume<br> + </big></big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>No. 1.</big><br> + </big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><br> + </big></big></p> + <p><small>The first volume of PUNCHINELLO, ending with No. 26, +September 24, 1870,<br> + <br> + </small></p> + <p><b><big><big>Bound in Fine Cloth,</big></big><br> + </b></p> + <p><b><br> + </b></p> + <p><small>will be ready for delivery on Oct. 1, 1870.</small></p> + <p><b>PRICE $2.50.</b></p> + <p>Sent postpaid to any part of the United States on receipt of +price.</p> + <br> + <p>A copy of the paper for one year, from October 1st, No. 27, +and the Bound Volume (the latter prepaid,) will be sent to any +subscriber for $5.50.</p> + <br> + <p>Three copies for one year, and three Bound Volumes, with an +extra copy of Bound Volume, to any person sending us three +subscriptions for $16.50.</p> + <p><b>One copy of paper for one year, with a fine chromo premium, +for------ $4.00<br> + <br> + </b></p> + <p><b>Single copies, mailed free .10<br> + <br> + </b></p> + <p>Back numbers can always be supplied, as the paper is +electrotyped.</p> + <p><br> +Book canvassers will find<br> +this volume a</p> + <p><b>Very Saleable Book.</b></p> + <p>Orders supplied at a very liberal discount.</p> + <p>All remittances should be made in</p> + <p>Post Office orders.</p> + <p>Canvassers wanted for the paper,</p> + <p>everywhere.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Address,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Punchinello Publishing Co.,</big></p> + <p><big>83 NASSAU ST.,<br> + </big></p> + <p><big>N. Y.</big></p> + <p><big>P.O. Box No, 2783.</big></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small style="font-weight: normal;">APPLICATIONS FOR +ADVERTISING IN</small><br> + <big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>"PUNCHINELLO"</big></big><br> + <small>SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO</small></p> + <p><big>JOHN NICKINSON,</big></p> + <p><small>ROOM No. 4,<br> +No. 83 Nassau Street, N. Y.</small></p> + </td> + <td rowspan="2" align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>FORST & AVERELL</big></big></p> + <p>Steam, Lithograph, and Letter Press</p> + <p><big><big>PRINTERS,<br> + <br> + </big></big> <span style="font-weight: bold;">EMBOSSERS, +ENGRAVERS, AND LABEL MANUFACTURERS.</span></p> + <p><small>Sketches and Estimates furnished upon application.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><b>23 Platt Street, and 20-22 Gold +Street,<br> + <br> + </b> NEW YORK.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">[P.O. BOX 2845.]</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;"> + <p><b>TO NEWS-DEALERS.</b><br> + <big><b>Punchinello's Monthly.</b></big><br> + <small>The Weekly Numbers for August,</small><br> + <b>Bound in a Handsome Cover,</b><br> +Is now ready. Price, Fifty Cents.</p> + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">THE TRADE</span><br> +Supplied by the<br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY,</span><br> + <small>Who are now prepared to receive Orders.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><big><b>WEVILL & HAMMAR</b>,<br> + <big>Wood Engravers,</big></big><br> + <b>208 Broadway</b>,<br> +NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>FOLEY'S<br> + <big>GOLD PENS.</big></big></big><br> + <span style="font-weight: normal;">THE BEST AND CHEAPEST.</span><br> +256 BROADWAY.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center; width: 33%;"> + <p><big>Bowling Green Savings-Bank<br> + </big><br> +33 BROADWAY,</p> + <p><br> + <b>NEW YORK</b>.</p> + <p>Open Every Day from<br> +10 A.M. to 3 P.M.</p> + <p><small><i>Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents<br> +to Ten Thousand Dollars will be received</i>.</small></p> + <p><b>Six per Cent interest,<br> +Free of Government Tax</b></p> + <p><small>INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS<br> +Commences on the First of every Month.</small></p> + <p>HENRY SMITH, <i>President<br> + <br> + </i> REEVES E. SELMES, <i>Secretary</i>.</p> + <p>WALTER ROCHE,<br> +EDWARD HOGAN, <i>Vice-Presidents</i>.</p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>The only Journal of its kind +in America!!</small></p> + <p><big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">The American +Chemist:</span></big></big><br> + <small>A MONTHLY JOURNAL OF</small><br> + <small><span style="font-weight: bold;">THEORETICAL, ANALYTICAL<br> +AND TECHNICAL CHEMISTRY</span></small><br> + <small>DEVOTED ESPECIALLY TO AMERICAN INTERESTS.</small><br> +EDITED BY<br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Chas. F. Chandler, Ph. D., & +W. H. Chandler.</span></p> + <p><small><small>The Proprietors and publishers of THE AMERICAN +CHEMIST, having purchased the subscription list and stock of the +American reprint of THE CHEMICAL NEWS, have decided to advance the +interests of American Chemical Science by the publication of a Journal +which shall be a medium of communication for all practical, thinking +experimenting, and manufacturing scientific men throughout the country.</small></small></p> + <p><small><small>The columns of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST are open for +the reception of original articles from any part of the country, +subject to approval of the editor. Letters of inquiry on any points of +interest within the scope of the Journal will receive prompt attention.</small></small></p> + <p><b>THE AMERICAN CHEMIST</b></p> + <p>Is a Journal of especial interest to</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>SCHOOLS AND MEN OF SCIENCE, +TO COLLEGES, APOTHECARIES, DRUGGISTS, PHYSICIANS ASSAYERS, DYERS, +PHOTOGRAPHERS, MANUFACTURERS,</small></p> + <p>And all concerned in scientific pursuits.</p> + <p><b>Subscription, $5.00 per annum, in advance; 50 cts. per +number. Specimen copies, 25 cts.</b></p> + <p>Address WILLIAM BALDWIN & CO.,<br> +Publishers and Proprietors.<br> +434 Broome Street, New York.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td rowspan="3" align="center"> + <p><small>A NEW AND MUCH-NEEDED BOOK.</small></p> + <p><b>MATERNITY</b><br> +A POPULAR TREATISE<br> +For Young Wives and Mothers</p> + <p><b>BY T. S. VERDI, A. M., M. D., OF WASHINGTON, D. C.</b></p> + <p><small>Dr. VERDI is a well-known and successful Homoeopathic +Practitioner, of thorough scientific training and large experience. His +book has arisen from a want felt in his own practice, as a Monitor to +Young Wives, a Guide to Young Mothers, and an assistant to the family +physician. It deals skilfully, sensibly, and delicately with the +perplexities of early married life, as connected with the holy duties +of Maternity, giving information which women must have, either in +conversation with physicians, or from such a source as this—evidently +the preferable mode of learning, for a delicate and sensitive woman. +Plain and intelligible, but without offense to the most fastidious +taste, the style of this book must commend it to careful perusal. It +treats of the needs, dangers, and alleviations of the time of travail; +and gives extended detailed instructions for the care and medical +treatment of infants and children throughout all the perils of early +life.</small></p> + <p><small>As a Mother's Manual, it will hare a large sale, and as +a book of special and reliable information on very important topics, it +will be heartily welcomed.</small></p> + <p><small>Handsomely printed on laid paper: bevelled boards, +extra English cloth, 12mo., 450 pages. Price $2.25.</small></p> + <p><small><i>For sale by all Booksellers, or will be sent +post-paid on receipt of the price by</i></small></p> + <p><b>J. B. FORD & CO., Publishers, 39 Park Row, New York.</b></p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">J. NICKINSON</p> + <p>begs to announce to the friends of</p> + <p><b>"PUNCHINELLO,"</b></p> + <p><small>residing in the country, that, for their convenience, +he has made arrangements by which, on receipt of the price of</small></p> + <p><b>ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED,</b></p> + <p><small>the same will be forwarded, postage paid.</small></p> + <p><small>Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our Publishing +Houses, can have the same forwarded by inclosing two stamps.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">OFFICE OF</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</p> + <p>83 Nassau Street.</p> + <p>[P.O. Box 2783.]</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><big><b>HENRY L. STEPHENS</b>,</big></p> + <p><b>ARTIST</b>,</p> + <p><b>No. 160 FULTON STREET</b>,</p> + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><b>GEO. B. BOWLEND</b>,</p> + <p><big><big>Draughtsman & Designer</big></big></p> + <p><b>No. 160 Fulton Street</b>,</p> + <p>Room No. 11,</p> + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table align="center" width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> + <p><small>Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year +1870, by the PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,<br> +in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States, for +the Southern District of New York.</small></p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img alt="PREFACE" src="images/03.jpg"> </center> + <p>"HALF a year, half a year, half a year onward," has +PUNCHINELLO advanced since he wafted his first number to the four +quarters of the globe.</p> + <p>His road has not been a very easy one to travel.</p> + <p>Bad characters lurked behind the fences, from which they would +sometimes take a sneak shot at the Showman as he passed. These fellows +were awfully bad shots, though, never so much as hitting the van in +which the show travels. PUNCHINELLO'S return fire always set the scamps +a-scampering, and all they had for their pains was the loss of their +ammunition, and the discovery that the row kicked up by them had +attracted crowds of people to the spot, so that PUNCHINELLO'S show was +capitally advertised by their noise.</p> + <p>PUNCHINELLO'S First Volume, then, is a substantial fact. It is +an entirely new, original, and complete article, which no family should +be without.</p> + <p>Read what the New York <i>Moon that Shines for All</i> says +about it:</p> + <p>"Put a head on yourself by reading PUNCHINELLO, Vol. 1. It is +by far the best tonic bitters in the market. It cured the editor of +this paper of a very malignant attack, (made by himself on +PUNCHINELLO,) after three applications."</p> + <p>Several gentle critics predicted an early death for +PUNCHINELLO on account of the buff color selected by him for his full +dress costume. Ha! ha! gentlemen, many a blow falls harmless on the +wearer of a buff-jerkin. As the old poet, whose name we have forgotten, +might have said, had he been in the humor—"He who will cuff it, Eke +should buff it,"—a maxim to which PUNCHINELLO gives his cordial +adhesion.</p> + <p>And now comes PUNCHINELLO to the beginning of his Second +Volume, encouraged by the success of his First.</p> + <p>If Vol. I of PUNCHINELLO was a <i>Chassepot</i>, (and it <i>did</i> +make some havoc in the ranks of the enemy,) Vol. II is intended to be a + <i>mitrailleuse</i>. It will be so arranged as to combine total +annihilation with bewitching music. For instance, by turning one of the +cranks by which it is worked, PUNCHINELLO will be able to project a +shower of such mortiferous missiles against all abettors of crime and +vice, all quacks, political and social, all corrupt officials, all +Congress, (except the Right Party,) all torpid fogies and peddlers of +red tape, all humbugs of every size and shape, in fact, as will +speedily reduce them to ashes. Then, by skilfully manipulating the +other crank, he can produce from it strains of such mellifluous harmony +that the very telegraph-poles will throng around him, as erstwhile did +the trees of the forest around ORPHEUS, and tender their services for +the transmission of his melting music to all the beautiful places on +Earth. It is hardly necessary to say that "Hail Columbia" is the very +first tune on the cylinder of PUNCHINELLO'S musical <i>mitrailleuse</i>.</p> + <p>With his mind's eye, (an apparatus expressly constructed for +and fitted to his mental organization by a renowned necromancer,) +PUNCHINELLO sees his Public surging towards him, and grasping with +outstretched hands at the showers of <i>bon bons</i> with which he +plentifully supplies them from an inexhaustible casket.</p> + <p>Among them are thousands of familiar forms, and these are +mostly in the front. After these come several thousands of new forms, +all pressing forward upon the heels of the others with an eagerness +that augurs for PUNCHINELLO Vol II a tremendous and unparalleled +success. Each of these good people carries four dollars ($4) in his +right hand, which he waves at PUNCHINELLO, who affably accepts the +greenbacks from him when within proper distance, and then, dipping his +pen in ink without a drop of gall in it, books the donor for a year's +subscription in advance.</p> + <p>As for party, PUNCHINELLO knows but one party—and that is the +Right Party. Stirring times are before us. The Right Party is not going +to lie down and sleep while the times are stirring. Nor is PUNCHINELLO. +When anything that interests the Right Party has got to be stirred, +PUNCHINELLO will be on hand. He has been so long used to starring it, +that he makes light of stirring it. He can stir with a red-hot poker +and he can stir with a feather,—"You pays your money and you takes your +choice."</p> + <p>And now, having stirred the spirit within him to a +demonstrative pitch, PUNCHINELLO shies his cocked hat into space, and +calls upon his Public to give three rousing cheers for the</p> + <p style="text-align: center;"><big><big><b>RIGHT PARTY.</b></big></big></p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <p><b>THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD.</b></p> + <p>AN ADAPTATION.</p> + <p>BY ORPHEUS C. KERR.</p> + <p>CHAPTER XX.</p> + <p>AN ESCAPE.</p> + <p>The bewildered Flowerpot had no sooner gained her own room, +enjoyed her agitated expression of face in the mirror, and tried four +differently colored ribbon-bows upon her collar in succession, than the +thought of becoming Mr. BUMSTEAD'S bride lost the charm of its first +wild novelty, and became utterly ridiculous. He was a man of commanding +stature, which his linen "duster" made appear still more long; the dark +circles around his eyes would disappear in time, and he had an abusive +way of referring to women which made him inexpressibly grand to women +as a true poet-soul; but would it be safe, would it be religiously +right, for a young girl, not yet conscious of her own full power of +annual monetary expenditure, to blindly risk her necessary expenses for +life upon one whom the cost of a single imported bonnet, in the +contingency of a General European War, might plunge into inextricable +pecuniary embarrassment? Possibly, the General European War might not +occur in an ordinary married-lifetime, as France was no longer in a +condition to menace England, Russia would be wary about provoking the +new Prussian giant, and Austria and Italy were not likely soon to +forget their last military misadventures; yet, while all the great +American journals had, for the last twenty years, published daily +editorials, by young writers from the country, to show that such a War +could not possibly be averted longer than about the day after tomorrow, +would it be judicious for a young girl to marry as though that War were +absolutely impossible? No! Her woman's heart sternly reiterated the +pitilessly negative; and, as the Ritualistic organist had plainly +evinced an earnest intention to let no foreign military complications +prevent her marriage with him, she felt that her only safety from his +matrimonial violence must be sought in flight.</p> + <p>With whom, though, could she take refuge? If she went to +MAGNOLIA PENDRAGON, all her dearest schoolmates would say, that they +had always loved her, despite her great faults, yet could not disguise +from themselves that she seemed at last to be fairly running after Miss +PENDRAGON'S brother. Besides, Mr. BUMSTEAD, offended by the seeming +want of confidence in him evinced by her flight, would, probably, take +measures publicly to identify MAGNOLIA'S alpaca garment with the +covering of his lost umbrella, and thus direct new suspicion against a +sister and brother already bothered almost into hysterics.</p> + <p>During the last few weeks, an attack of dyspepsia had laid the +foundation of a mind in the Flowerpot, as it generally does in other +young female American boarding-school thinkers, and she was now capable +of that subtle line of reasoning which is the great commendation of her +sex to a recognized perfect intellectual equality with man. Once +decided, by her apprehension of a General European War, against +marriage with J. BUMSTEAD, she took a rather irritable view of that too +attractive devotional musician, and inferred, from his not being +wealthy enough to stand the test of possible transatlantic hostilities, +that he must, himself, have killed EDWIN DROOD. His umbrella, it was +well known, had been present at that fatal Christmas dinner; and a +thoughtless insult offered to it, even by his nephew, might have made a +demon of him. Suppose that EDWIN, upon returning to the dining-room +that night, after his temporary exercise in the open air with +MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON, had found his uncle, flushed with cloves, +endeavoring to force a social glass of lemon tea upon the umbrella, +under the impression that it was a person, and had unthinkingly accused +him thereat of being momentarily unsettled in his faculties? Probably, +then, hot words would have passed between them; each telling the other +that he would have a nice headache in the morning and find it +impossible not to look very sleepy even if he fixed his hair ever so +elaborately. Blows might have followed: the uncle, in his anger, hewing +the nephew limb from limb with the carving knife from the table, and +subsequently carrying away the remains to the Pond and there casting +them in. Suppose, in his natural excitement, the uncle had hurriedly +used the umbrella, opened and held downward, to carry the remains in; +and, after coming home again, and snatching a nap under the table, had +forgotten all about it, and thus been ever since inconsolable for his +alpaca loss? As the young orphan argued thus exhaustively to herself, +the extreme probability of her suppositions made her more and more +frenzied to fly instantly beyond the reach of one who, in the event of +a General European War, would not be a husband whom her head could +approve.</p> + <p>After penning a hasty farewell note to Miss CAROWTHERS, to the +effect that urgent military reasons obliged her to see her guardian at +once, FLORA lost no time in packing a small leather satchel for travel. +Two bottles of hair oil, a jar of glycerine, one of cold cream, two +boxes of powder, a package of extra back-hair, a phial of belladonna, a +camel's-hair brush for the eyebrows, a rouge-saucer for pinking the +nails, four flasks of perfumery, a depilatory in a small flagon, and +some tooth paste, were the only articles she could pause to collect for +her precipitate escape; and, with them in the satchel on her arm, and a +bonnet and shawl hurriedly thrown on, she stole away down-stairs, and +thus from the house.</p> + <p>Hastening to the Roach House, from whence started an omnibus +for the ferry, she was quickly rattling out of Bumsteadville in a +vehicle remarkable for the great number and variety of noises it could +make when maddened into motion by a span of equine rivals in an +immemorial walking-match.</p> + <p>"Now, BONNER," she said to the driver, taking leave of him at +the ferry-boat, "be sure and let Miss CAROWTHERS know that you saw me +safely off, and that I was not a bit more tired than if I had walked +all the way."</p> + <p>Blushing with pleasure at the implied compliment to his +equipage from such lips, the skilled horseman had not the heart to +object to the wildly mutilated fragment of currency with which his fare +had been paid, and went back to where his steeds were taking turns in +holding each other up, as happy a man as ever lost money by the change +in woman.</p> + <p>Reaching the city, Miss POTTS was promptly worshiped by a +hackman of marked conversational powers, who, whip in hand, assured her +that his carriage was widely celebrated under the titles of the +"Rocking Chair," the "Old Shoe," and the "Glider," on account of its +incredible ease of motion; and that, owing to its exquisite +abbreviation of travel to the emotions, those who rode in it had +actually been known to dispute that they had ridden even half the +distance for which they were charged. Did he know where Mr. DIBBLE, the +lawyer, lived, in Nassau Street, near Fulton? If she meant lawyer +DIBBLE, near Fulton Street, in Nassau, next door but one to the second +house below, and directly opposite the building across the way, there +was just one span of buckskin horses in the city that could take a +carriage built expressly for ladies to that place, as naturally as +though it were a stable. It was a place that he—the hackman—always +associated with his own mother, because he was so familiar with it in +childhood, and had often thought of driving to it blindfolded for a +wager.</p> + <p>Proud to learn that her guardian was so well known in the +great city, and delighted that she had met a charioteer so minutely +familiar with his house of business, FLORA stepped readily into the +providential hack, which thereupon instantly began Rocking-Chair-ing, +Old-Shoe-ing, and Gliding. Any one of these celebrated processes, by +itself, might have been desirable; but their indiscriminate and +impetuous combination in the present case gave the Flowerpot a confused +impression that her whole ride was a startling series of incessant +sharp turns around obdurate street corners, and kept her plunging about +like an early young Protestant tossed in a Romish blanket. +Instinctively holding her satchel aloft, to save its fragile contents +from fracture, she rocked, shoed and glided all over the interior of +the vehicle, without hope of gaining breath enough for even one scream, +until, nearly unconscious, and, with her bonnet driven half-way into +her chignon, she was helped out by the hackman at her guardian's door.</p> + <p>"I am dying!" she groaned.</p> + <p>"Then please remember me in your will, to the extent of two +dollars," returned the hackman with much humor. "You're only a little +sea-sick, miss; as often happens to people in humble circumstances when +they ride in a kerridge for the first time."</p> + <p>Still panting, Miss POTTS paid and discharged this friendly +man, and, weariedly entering the building, followed the signs up-stairs +to her guardian's office.</p> + <p>After knocking several times at the right door without reply, +she turned the knob, and entered so softly that the venerable lawyer +was not aroused from the slumber into which he had fallen in his chair +by the window. With a copy of <i>Putnam's Magazine</i> still grasped +in his honest right hand, good Mr. DIBBLE slept like a drugged person; +nor could the young girl awaken him until, by a happy inspiration, she +had snatched away the monthly and cast it through the casement.</p> + <p>"Am I dreaming?" exclaimed the aged man, when thus suddenly +rescued from his deadly lethargy at last "Is that you, my dear; or are +you your late mother?"</p> + <p>"I am your ridiculously unhappy ward," answered the Flowerpot, +tremulously. "Oh, poor, dear, absurd EDDY!"</p> + <p>"And you have come here all alone?"</p> + <p>"Yes; and to escape being married to EDDY'S perfectly hateful +uncle, who has the same as ordered me to become his utterly disgusted +bride. Oh, why is it, why is it, that I must be thus persecuted by +young men without property! Why is it that perfectly horrid madmen on +salaries are allowed to claim me as their own!"</p> + <p>"My dear," cried the old lawyer, leading her to a chair, and +striving to speak soothingly, "if Mr. BUMSTEAD desires to marry you he +must indeed be insane. Such a man ought really to be confined," he +continued, pacing thoughtfully up and down the room. "This must have +been the idea that was already turning his brain when—bless my soul!—he +actually intimated, first, that I, and then, that Mr. SIMPSON, had +killed his nephew!"</p> + <p>"He thinks, now, that I, or MAGNOLIA PENDRAGON, may have done +it,—the hateful creature!" said FLORA, passionately.</p> + <p>"I see, I see," assented Mr. DIBBLE, nodding. "When he has you +in his head, my dear, he himself must clearly be out of it. You shall +stay here and take tea with me, and then I will take you to FRENCH'S +Hotel for your accommodation during the night."</p> + <p>It was a sight to see him tenderly help her off with her +bonnet; and suggestive to hear him say, that if a man could only take +off his brains as easily as a woman hers, what a relief it would be to +him occasionally. It was curious to see him peep into her bottle-filled +satchel, with an old man's freedom; and to hear him audibly wonder +thereat, whether, after all, men were any more addicted than women to +the social glass when they wanted to put a better face on affairs. And, +after the waiter bringing him toast and tea from a neighboring +restaurant had brought an additional slice and cup for the guest, it +was pleasant to behold him smiling across the office-table at that +guest, and encouraging her to eat as much as she would if a member of +his sex were not looking.</p> + <p>"It must be absurdly ridiculous to stay here all alone, as you +do, sir," observed FLORA.</p> + <p>"But I am not always alone," answered Mr. DIBBLE. "My clerk, +Mr. BLADAMS, now taking a vacation in the country, is generally here +though, to be sure, I may lose him before long. He's turned literary."</p> + <p>"How perfectly frightful!" said Miss POTTS.</p> + <p>"He has set up for a genius, my child, and is now engaged upon +a great American novel. Discontented with the law, he is giving great +attention to this; but Free Trade will not, I am afraid, allow any +American publisher to bring it out."</p> + <p>"Free Trade?" repeated FLORA.</p> + <p>"Yes, my dear, Free Trade; that is, while American publishers +can steal foreign novels for nothing, they are not going to pay +anything for native fiction."</p> + <p>Yawning behind her hand, the Flowerpot murmured something +about Free Trade being positively absurd, and her guardian went on:</p> + <p>"Nevertheless, Mr. BLADAMS is going on-with his work, which he +calls 'The Amateur Detective;' and if it ever does come out you shall +have a copy.—But, by the by," added the lawyer, suddenly, "you have not +yet fully described to me the interview in which poor Mr. EDWIN'S uncle +offered to become your husband."</p> + <p>She gave him a full history of the Ritualistic organist's +handsome offer to her of his H. and H.; adding her own final decision +in the matter as precipitated by the possibility of a General European +war; and Mr. DIBBLE heard the whole with an air of studious attention.</p> + <p>"Although I have certainly no particular reason for +befriending Mr. BUMSTEAD," said he, reflectively, "I shall take +measures to keep him from you. Now come with me to FRENCH'S Hotel. +To-morrow I will call there for you, you know, and then, perhaps, you +may be taken to see your friend, Miss PENDRAGON."</p> + <p>Having obtained for his ward a room in the hotel named, and +seen her safely to its shelter, the good old lawyer visited the +bar-room of the establishment, for the purpose of ascertaining whether +any evil-disposed person could get in through that way for the +disturbance of his fair charge. After which he departed for his home in +Gowanus.</p> + <p>(<i>To be Continued</i>.)</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>MOTTO FOR ALL GOOD CUBANS.</b>—"The labor we delight in +physics (S)pain."</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE PLAYS AND SHOWS.</b></p> + <p><img alt="P" align="left" src="images/05.jpg">unctually as +announced, the FIFTH AVENUE THEATRE has re-opened. It has been improved +by the addition of several private boxes that remind one of the square +pews in old-fashioned churches, (by the way, why do Puseyites object to +pews?) and by the erection of a hydrant near the conductor's seat, so +that when the audience can endure STOEPEL'S music no longer, they can +turn on the water and drown him and his long-winded orchestra. This +latter improvement meets with our hearty approval, and we earnestly +hope to see it put to the excellent use for which it is designed +without further delay. Manager DALY is now offering to his patrons the +new comedy of <i>Man and Wife</i>. The old-fashioned play of that +name, which is daily acted everywhere about us, is usually more of a +tragedy than a comedy, but Mr. DALY'S <i>Man and Wife</i> is comedy, +farce, muscular christianity, and paralysis pleasantly mingled +together. As thus:</p> + <p>ACT I.—GEOFFREY DELAMAYN <i>and his brother are seen +conversing in an arbor. (Don't let the printer imagine that I mean Ann +Arbor. It was bad enough in</i> WILKIE COLLINS <i>to banish his +dramatis personae to Scotland; but he was nevertheless too humane to +send them to Michigan</i>.)</p> + <p>JULIUS DELAMAYN. "GEOFFREY, you really must do something. The +unmannerly people who are just coming into the theatre make such a +noise that I couldn't be heard if I took the trouble to preach to you +for an hour, so I won't attempt to make my meaning any clearer."</p> + <p>GEOFFREY. "I will or I won't, I forget which. However, the +audience can't hear. We've got a pretty good house here to-night I +wonder if my muscles really show to any extent. Here comes LADY LUNDIE +and her friends."</p> + <p>LADY LUNDIE. "I choose everybody to play croquet on my side. +The rest may play on BLANCHE'S side. Miss SYLVESTER, you look as if you +could not stand alone. Therefore I order you to play."</p> + <p>ANNIE SYLVESTER. "Madame, I will. GEOFFREY, meet me here in +ten minutes, or you'll be sorry for it." (Exit everybody. ANNIE and +GEOFFREY returning on tip-toe.)</p> + <p>ANNIE. "You must marry me this afternoon. Meet me at the inn +on the moor."</p> + <p>GEOFFREY. "I won't cross the moor with you. DESDEMONA +foolishly crossed the Moor, and came to grief in consequence. I take +warning by her. I hate you, but I suppose I must marry you, or you'll +sell all my letters to the <i>Sun</i>."—(<i>They go out to be married</i>.)</p> + <p>ARNOLD <i>enters and makes love to</i> BLANCHE. SIR PATRICK <i>does +the comic business with</i> LEWIS'S <i>usual humor</i>. (<i>What a +nice man</i> LEWIS <i>must be for girls to quarrel with; he "makes up" +so nicely—this is a joke</i>.) LADY LUNDIE <i>enters and announces that</i> +ANNIE <i>is no longer her governess, that misguided person having +thrown up her situation, for the irrational reason that it was an +interesting one, and having fled in the silence of the after-dinner +hour. Shrieks of horror from the young ladies, who desist from knocking +their croquet-balls into the orchestra and the proscenium boxes; and +triumphant falling of a new act-drop</i>. STOEPEL, <i>having thought +of a sweet passage for the fife, in a Chinese opera, plays it +uninterruptedly for forty-five minutes. A deaf old gentleman +approvingly remarks that this is really classical music</i>.</p> + <p>ACT II.—<i>A storm at the inn on the Moor</i>. Miss SYLVESTER <i>waits +for her</i> GEOFFREY <i>and her tea. Enter</i> ARNOLD.</p> + <p>ARNOLD. " GEOFFREY can't come, so he has sent me. I know your +situation, and shall have to feel for you if it gets much darker and +they don't bring candles. That is, if I'm to shake hands with you. I +have told everybody here that you are my wife. Let's have a little game +of seven-up, and pass the time profitably."</p> + <p>ANNIE. "Oh, villain (I mean GEOFFREY,) you have +de-ser-er-erted me. Oh, rash young person, (I mean you, ARNOLD,) I'm +inclined to think that you've married me by Scotch law, without having +meant it. If so, you'll have to go to America and see BEECHER about a +divorce." (<i>Curtain subsequently falls, and</i> STOEPEL <i>orders +the big drum to beat for an hour, while the musicians take advantage of +the noise to tune their instruments.) Deaf old gentleman remarks again +that he does like</i> WAGNER'S <i>music. Half the audience hold their +ears, while the other half flee madly away until the entr' acte is over</i>.</p> + <p>ACT III.—GEOFFREY <i>boxes with his trainer, and slings +Indian clubs and wooden dumb-bells</i>.</p> + <p>GEOFFREY. "There! Thank heaven I didn't break anything. The +scenery, the footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the +week is out, however, if this prize-ring business isn't cut out. Here +comes ARNOLD."</p> + <p>ARNOLD. "How's Miss SYLVESTER?"</p> + <p>GEOFFREY. "If you say anything more about her, I'll put a head +on you. She's your wife. You're a married man."</p> + <p>ARNOLD. "<i>Married</i>! You infamous editor of a two cent +daily paper; I deny it. (<i>Curtain again falls, and</i> STOEPEL <i>plays +the entire opera of</i> ERNANI <i>for two hours. Deaf old gentleman +remarks that music is the</i> STOEPEL <i>entertainment at this +theatre, and that he really likes it. The rest of the audience look at +him with horror, as though he were a sort of aggravated and superfluous +cannibal</i>.)</p> + <p>ACT IV.—<i>Sir</i> PATRICK <i>proves that</i> GEOFFREY <i>is +married to</i> ANNIE, <i>and that</i> ARNOLD <i>isn't</i>. GEOFFREY <i>takes +his weeping wife home with him. Everybody finds out that</i> GEOFFREY <i>is +an enormous liar and an unmitigated blackguard. Through the open +windows are seen the editors of the Sun and the Free Press, each +determined to be the first to offer</i> GEOFFREY <i>a place on the +staff of his respective journal. The curtain falls and</i> STOEPEL <i>directs +each member of the orchestra to play the tune that he may like best. +After three hours of this sort of thing a humane person in the audience +brings in a saw and begins to file it. The rest of the audience are +thereupon gently lulled to sleep by the music of the file—so soft and +soothing does it sound by contrast with</i> STOEPEL'S <i>demoniac +orchestra.</i></p> + <p>ACT V.—ANNIE, <i>in the midst of misery and a gorgeous silk +dress with lace trimmings, is seen going to bed in her best clothes, +and without taking her hair down—this being the well-known custom among +fashionably dressed girls</i>. GEOFFREY <i>enters and attempts to +strangle her, but she is awakened by the considerate forethought of a +dumb woman, who loudly calls her, and</i> GEOFFREY <i>conveniently +lies down and dies of paralysis. All the rest of the dramatis personae +enter, and indulge in exclamations of joy. The curtain falls for the +last time, and</i> STOEPEL <i>is removed under the protection of a +strong platoon of policemen, to the secret abode where</i> DALY <i>keeps +him hidden during the day from the wrath of an outraged public</i>.</p> + <p>And the undersigned goes home to breakfast—it being now nearly +6 A.M.—reflecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the +scenery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the +play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,) +the pluck of the young manager, and the unredeemed badness of the +orchestra, as it is conducted by Mr. STOEPEL. Tell me, gentle DALY, +tell; why in the name of all that is intelligent, do you let STOEPEL +transform each <i>entr' acte</i> at your theatre into a prolonged +purgatory, by the villainous way in which he plays the most execrable +music, for the most intolerable periods of time?</p> + <p>MATADOR.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>L. N. IN PRUSSIA.</b></p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Yes, +I am quite upset;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">In fact, I'm dizzy yet</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">With all that rapid riding, day +and night;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">But still, two things I see;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They've made an end of Me,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And blown the Empire higher than +a kite!<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Yes, here I am, at last—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And all my dreams are past.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">didn't think to enter Prussia +thus!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Confound that "Vorwarts" man!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">When first the war began</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He seemed as logy as an omnibus.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Faugh! smell the Sweitzer Kaise!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">The same in every place, eh?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">How these big Germans love an +ugly stench!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">My! what a taste they've got</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">For articles that rot;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And can it be, they live so near +the French?<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">I'm in a pretty nest!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And, worse than all the rest,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Is thinking how I got here; +there's the rub.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">When I have mused awhile</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">On all my luck, so vile,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I almost wish they'd hit me with +a club!<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">It's very well to say—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">"I might have won the day,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">If things had only gone this way +or that;"</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">I should have <i>made</i> them +go,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And let these Germans know</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">That <i>they</i> must go, too! +or be cut down flat.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They didn't go, it seems;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Except 'twas in my dreams!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And, consequently, I must bid +good bye</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">To titles, power and state,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Which I enjoyed of late,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And curse my dismal fate—poor +Louis and I!</span> </div> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE PLYMOUTH ROCK.</b></p> + <p>The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand +of society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one +to believe that Mr. PUNCHINELLO does not like a little fresh air. And +surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize no one's +social standing if the thing is not repeated too often. At least so +thought Mr. P., and he determined, one fine morning last week, that he +would hurry up his business as fast as possible, and take a trip on +Col. FISK'S steamboat to Sandy Hook. A man calling with a bundle of +puns detained him so long that he found that he would not be able to +reach the 11 A.M. boat without he made unusual haste.</p> + <p>Rushing into the street, therefore, he hailed a passing hack, +and ordered the driver to take him, as quickly as possible, to the +Plymouth Rock.</p> + <img alt="" align="right" src="images/06.jpg"> + <p>When the carriage stopped, and the man opened the door, Mr. P. +rubbed his eyes, for he had fallen into a doze, on the way, and sprang +hastily out.</p> + <p>But what a sight met his gaze!</p> + <p>Before him was the hack, covered with mud and dust, and the +horses in a position indicating utter exhaustion: to his right lay a +huge unsymmetrical stone, while behind him rolled the heaving waters of +Cape Cod bay! The man had mistaken his directions, and had driven him +to JOHN CARVER'S old Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, instead of JAMES +FISK Jr.'s steamboat at Pier 28, North River.</p> + <p>"There's the rock, yer honor," said the man, pointing to the +mis-shapen stone, "and an awful time I've had a drivin' yer honor to +it."</p> + <p>"How long have you been, coming here?" asked the astounded Mr. +P.</p> + <p>"Nigh on to three days, yer honor, and I drove as fast as I +could, hopin' to get back by the Sunday in time for the Centhral Park, +but I had to stop sometimes for feed and wather, and it's no use me +whippin' up afther all, for sorra the good them horses will be for the +Centhral Park on the Sunday."</p> + <p>"And how much do I owe you for all this?" asked Mr. P.</p> + <p>"Well, sir," said the man, "I won't charge your honor nothin' +for the feed and my victuals, for I'd had to have found them if yer +hadn't a hired me; and I'll only charge ye three dollars a hour, for +sure yer honor never give me the least thruble, slapeing there as swate +as an infant all the time, and that'll be jist two hundred and four +dollars, and if yet honor could give me a thrifle besides to drink yer +health, I'd be obliged to yer honor."</p> + <img alt="" align="left" src="images/07a.jpg"> + <p>Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, +and the rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars +and twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and +declared his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about +forty miles away, and taking the railroad for New York</p> + <p>"If I don't, ye see, yer honor, I'll never get back in time +for the Sunday; and the horses will be restin' in the cars."</p> + <img alt="" align="right" src="images/07b.jpg"> + <p>As the man made his preparations and departed, Mr. P. stood +and watched him until he slowly faded out of sight.</p> + <p>When he had entirely disappeared, Mr. P. sat down upon the +rock and reflected.</p> + <p>Now that he was here, what had he best do? He had never seen <img + alt="" align="left" src="images/07c.jpg"> the rock before, and as it +struck him that possibly some of his patrons might be in the same +unfortunate condition, he concluded that he would take a few sketches +of it for their benefit. But he did not succeed very well. The first +drawing he made had a strange appearance. It looked more like an old +woman tied to a post, and surrounded by what seemed to be flames, than +anything else. This surely was not a correct view of this famous rock, +and so Mr. P. commenced another sketch. This, however, looked so much +like a man with a broad-brimmed hat, hanging by his neck to a rope, +that he concluded to try again.</p> + <p>His next sketch bore a striking resemblance to something that +certainly did not seem like a rock, but which, after some deliberation, +he found to look very much like a shrinking Southern negro, forced into +the ranks to supply the place of a citizen of Massachusetts. Everybody +might not be able to see this, but Mr. P. thought he perceived it +plainly.</p> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/07d.jpg"> </center> + <p>The last sketch made by Mr. P. somewhat resembled one whose +connection with "The Plymouth Rock" has certainly been of more +practical benefit to the public than that of any of the " old +founders," or anybody else—at least so far as Mr. P. can see. If any +one doubts this, let him ask General GRANT.</p> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/07e.jpg"> </center> + <p>Now should his readers see anything at all suggestive of sober +and beneficial reflection in these sketches, Mr. P.'s visit to Plymouth +Rock was not made in vain.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>A LETTER FROM L. N.</b></p> + <p>DEAR PUNCHINELLO: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time +hence, it should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of +writing this letter, you will please understand that I wasn't there, at +that moment, having had a little business to transact with my good +friend WILLIAMS, of PRUSSIA. I am at present engaged upon a tour of the +German States in the company of a pleasant little excursion party, who +met me at Sedan, and received me warmly.</p> + <p>Everybody seems glad to greet me, particularly at this time, +and all express regrets that I couldn't have come earlier in the +season. They are aware of the interest I have ever felt in the great +German people, and I am assured they welcome with enthusiasm my pet +theory of the solidarity of nations.</p> + <p>I intend remaining here awhile, feeling sure that there is +nothing to call me homeward for the present. The truth is, my friend, I +am getting weaned of the French people. So soon as my obligations to my +very good friends in Prussia will permit, you may look for me in New +York. Yes, dear PUNCHINELLO, greatest and beet of Philosophers! expect +to see me walking into your Sanctum one of these fine +mornings,—probably with my son LOUIS,—delighted to see you, and glad to +turn my back on those scenes so long familiar, which, in their new and +popular dress, could hardly be expected to afford me much exhilaration.</p> + <p>From an inferior man, I should expect officious and quite +gratuitous commiseration over the fate of the late Empire. You, +however, will readily perceive it to be possible that I should rather +be congratulated. You would not exchange your dignified leisure, your +careless toils, for the best of sovereignties. Why, then, should I, who +have made you my exemplar, feel a pang at parting with a sceptre which +for years has only tired my hand?</p> + <p>I picture myself seated with my family on the heights at +Weehawken, smoking a good cigarette, and musing on the affairs of +nations as I watch the flow of that superb river (as much finer than +the Rhine, my friend, as wine is finer than lagerbier!) which I have +often, in days gone by, admired and extolled by the hour.</p> + <p>I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son +the Prince of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the +Inevitable.</p> + <p>And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable +that I was always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable +Prussian. But I have faced much more terrible things. In your very city +of Hoboken, I have stood face to face with a German creditor! Will any +one henceforth doubt my fortitude?</p> + <p>I have one rather comforting reflection, apropos to that <i>rencontre.</i> +I have taken care to arm myself against future assaults of that nature. +I am Gold-Plated.</p> + <p>If your highly-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict +me in a connection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make +a sketch entitled: "The Two Exiles,"—one of whom may be,my Uncle at St. +Helena; the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of +wine at my side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PUNCHINELLO in +the other!</p> + <p>But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the +(d)evil thereof.</p> + <p>Royally yours,</p> + <p>L. N.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Maxim for the next new President.</b></p> + <p>"A place for everybody, and everybody in his place."</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/08.jpg"> + <p><b>ON COLOR</b>.</p> + <p><i>Cousin Bella, (admiring picture.)</i> "HOW IS IT, FRED, +THAT YOU PRODUCE SUCH LOVELY COLOR, AND WITH SO MUCH FACILITY?"</p> + <p><i>Fred, (thinking of his meerschaum.)</i> "I DON'T TELL +EVERYBODY THAT, YOU INQUISITIVE TEASE, BUT FACT IS, I PUT THE STUMP OF +AN OLD PAINT-BRUSH IN THE BOWL, AND SMOKE THE OILIEST TOBACCO I CAN +FIND."</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE BATTLE AT SEDAN.</b></p> + <p>Special Correspondence of Punchinello.</p> + <p>(This paper is the only paper on the planet which has a +correspondent at the seat of war, wherever that seat may be. The +following dispatch was sent to us by cable at a total expense of +$21,000.)</p> + <p>It was a still, calm night, the glorious moon was sailing +through the sky; the river was running water; the clouds were cloudy; +the soldiers were soldiering. I stepped out of my tent and tumbled over +VON MOLTKE. He took my arm and invited me to the tent of the Crown +Prince.</p> + <p>"MOLTY," said I, "what's your little game?"</p> + <p>"Penny ante," replied he.</p> + <p>"<i>Trés bien,</i>" added I.</p> + <p>"You are a French spy. Ha! ha!" said he, grasping my collar. +"Ho! Ho!"</p> + <p>"<i>Das ish goot,</i>" added I.</p> + <p>"Then you're Dutch," sighed he, dropping me like a hot pair of +tongs.</p> + <p>In the tent we found the King, the Crown Prince, Gen. +STEINMETZ, Gen. SHERIDAN, and Gen. FORSYTH.</p> + <p>"MOLTY," said I, "introduce me to the King."</p> + <p>"BILL," said he, "this is JENKINS."</p> + <p>BILL held out his foot and I took a suck at his great toe.</p> + <p>Then we went at the game. BILL is pretty good at it, but then +he doesn't stand any chance beside MOLTY. The Crown Prince lost at +least fourteen cents, and, just as he had a splendid opportunity to +retrieve his losses, in came an aide, who announced that the French had +squatted.</p> + <p>"Where?" cried VON MOLTKE.</p> + <p>"In Sedan," replied the aide.</p> + <p>"I knew it," said MOLTY. "BILL, I told you they had no horses +for a regular carriage."</p> + <p>Then we went out. The King invited me to sit in his carriage +with MOLTY and SHERIDAN. We reached the scene of war.</p> + <p>The moon shone; the mountains were mountainous; the trees were +treey; and the soft September breeze was breezy. BISMARCK came up and +asked the King to let him cut behind.</p> + <p>"BIS," said I, "take my seat; I'll take a trip to the French +camp."</p> + <p>So I tripped over to the French camp and found things somewhat +mixed. The moon shone. Steadily the Prussian troops advanced; and, with +a heroism worthy of a better cause, the French retreated. The Emperor +wanted to die in the rear of his men.</p> + <p>"NAP," said I, "you'd better get up and get. The Prussians are +coming."</p> + <p>"JENKINS," said he, "kiss me for my mother, I'm betrayed."</p> + <p>"Why didn't you have more cheesepots?" said I.</p> + <p>"I'll surrender," said he, "get out a white flag."</p> + <p>So I took one of EUGENIE'S old pocket-handkerchiefs which I +found in the tent, stuck it on the end of the sabre of the nephew of +his uncle, put NAP in the carriage, jumped in myself and drove to the +Prussian camp. The moon shone; all nature smiled; the rivers were +rivery; the Sedans were chairy.</p> + <p>BILL received us very coolly at first, but I gave BIS the +wink, and he suggested to his Majesty that he'd better take the Emperor +prisoner.</p> + <p>"NAP," said BILL, "is the game up?"</p> + <p>"BILL," said NAP, "you've scored the game. I leave my old +clothes to the Regent. I hope she'll like the breeches."</p> + <p>Then he treated to cigarettes, and we all went back to our +game of penny ante. NAP wouldn't join us. He said he'd just been +playing a game with crowns ante and he was busted. We'd hardly got the +cards dealt, when BILL turned to BISMARCK and asked, "I say, BIS, won't +you run over and telegraph to the old woman something about our FRITZ?"</p> + <p>"Let JENKINS go," said BIS.</p> + <p>Of course I assented to the proposition.</p> + <p>"Where the devil is FRITZ?" said BILL.</p> + <p>"Oh, he's been sleeping for the last two hours," said MOLTKE.</p> + <p>"Never mind," said BILL, "telegraph a victory by FRITZ."</p> + <p>So I telegraphed,</p> + <p>"A great victory has been won by our FRITZ. What great things +have we done for ourselves! We'll keep it up, old woman,</p> + <p>(Signed) BILL."</p> + <p>When I reached the tent everybody was asleep. NAP was +reclining gracefully on the breast of BISMARCK, as affectionately as if +they were brothers-in-law. The moon shone; the sky was skyey; the hills +were hilly; and all nature was getting up.</p> + <p>Anybody who says the above did not come over the cable lies, +wickedly, maliciously lies, with intent to deceive. As soon as JACK +SMITH'S smack sails, I'll send you a piece of the cable it came over.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <br> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/09.jpg"> + <p><b>Mr. Bull: The Sutler of the World.</b></p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <br> + <p><b>HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM</b></p> + <p>He Reviews the Career of a Lunatic. — A Graduate with Nice +Ideas.</p> + <p>KING WILYAM, Most noble Loonatic:</p> + <p><i>We gates all der while!</i> Accordin' to the Marine Cable, +I understand you've given old BONEY a <i>slosh on der cope mit der +Sweitzer case;</i> or in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON +has taken his Umpire, and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit +of Judge or Jewry.</p> + <p>I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the +Umpire tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in +his panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his +nabors.</p> + <p>I've allers heard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the +French say you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, "Be be Jost or +Gobler damed," to cote from our friend BILLY SHAKESPEER.</p> + <p>We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, +mor'en once.</p> + <p>If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can +wallop his wife to his heart's content; and if anybody interferes, he +can popp him off with a six shooter, and the law will stand to his back.</p> + <p>Judges and Jewrys, when tryin' such a man, think he is sum +punkins, while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated +Loonatic's fotograf onto their first page.</p> + <p>I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the +melon-colic, (this bein' the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of +the <i>pro temper</i> kind?</p> + <p>I shoulden't wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited +it from your illustrous Antsister, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about +as sassy a Loonatic as you can pick up.</p> + <p>What <i>we</i> need just now, and what <i>we</i> have needed +for a good while, is a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as +minister.</p> + <p>With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them 'ere little +Alabarmy claims would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this +court knows herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent +off howlin', with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage.</p> + <p>You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics. Yes, sir! they +are the "Coming man," the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers can't +hold a candle to 'em.</p> + <p>When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if +they'd bust their biler tryin', then he is sot down as bein' crazy as a +loon by his jelous nabors.</p> + <p>I haven't heard whether BISMARK'S or FRITZ'S upper storys were +shaky, or not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but +what both of these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FRANCIS TRAIN +any day; and that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin' +tragic attitoods, and repeatin' the follerin well known verses:</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"I +am not mad!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I am not mad!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But only on my mussle.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Old NAP'd been glad</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">If he and King dad</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Had never got into a tussle."</span> + </div> + <p>My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose +son was so <i>bully</i> at pickin' up <i>bullocks,</i> is to +congratulate you.</p> + <p>Speakin' after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. +Havin' served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can +rely on my giving a good sound opinion, from which there haint no +repeal to a higher court.</p> + <p>What do you think of my startin' a college here for the purpus +of edicatin' Loonatics?</p> + <p>We've got 3 colliges here, Harvard, 'Ale, and the Electoral +College, and a skalier lot of week-kneed timber than these institutions +sometimes turns out, would make you stick to your stomack to look at.</p> + <p>Stugents are turned out from these asilums with pooty +ristocratick idees into their nozzles.</p> + <p>I once knew a chap who was a gradooate of one of these +institutions of larning,</p> + <p>He was more ristocratick than a retired church deekin'.</p> + <p>When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the +funeral, so he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the +corpse to wear, doorin' the funeral services.</p> + <p>Thinks I, that was shovin' a good thing rather too deep in the +ground, merely for the sake of pilin' on the agony.</p> + <p>However, that's the way of the world; larnin' will stick out, +and you can't atop her.</p> + <p>That son of your'n, FRITZ, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer.</p> + <p>If he haint in that precarious situation which SARY F. NORTON +calls "mummery," and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good +honest folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he +mite go further and fare a site wusser, than to come over here and +examine my stock of risin' feminine genders.</p> + <p>Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who +understands her biz as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her +gals won't be troubled to death by keepin' a cook to boss 'em around.</p> + <p>Doorin' the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin' +in the sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, +MARIAR'S biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal +to the way a big dinner at DELMONICO'S, N.Y., will flop over a New York +Alderman.</p> + <p>The surest way of gettin' round a public man, is via his +stomack.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Like +ALADIN'S lamp, you can</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">By merely givin' a rub,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Bring around most any man,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">By fillin' him up with grub.</span> + </div> + <p>But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose +quil, and go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter +let me speak a word for your noble prisoner, L. NAPOLEON, Esq.</p> + <p>Deal gently with him.</p> + <p>Altho' he plade the wrong card when he pitched into you, +recollect the old maxum:</p> + <p>"Never bute a feller when he is down."</p> + <p>France is better, in a good many respects, for things LEWIS +done for 'em.</p> + <p>But he has gone to the shades, and SHAKSPEER aptly says:</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The +evil which men do,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Lives a darn site longer than</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The evil they don't do."</span> </div> + <p>Which sentiment shode that old SHAKE was a hulsail dealer in +human nater.</p> + <p>Hopin' that in the days of your prosperity, you wont forgit +your poor relations, sich as <i>mothers-in-law</i> and the like, and +when they come to visit you, you wont say:</p> + <p>"Nix cum arous,"</p> + <p>I will dry up.</p> + <p>Ewers anon,</p> + <p>HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,</p> + <p><i>Lait Gustise of the Peece</i></p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE LOVERS.</b></p> + <p>In Different Moods and Tenses.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">SALLY +SALTER, she was a young teacher, who taught,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And her friend, CHARLEY CHURCH, +was a preacher, who praught;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Though his enemies called him a +screecher, who scraught.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">His heart, when he saw her, kept +sinking, and sunk,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And his eye, meeting hers, began +winking, and wunk;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">While she, in her turn, fell to +thinking, and thunk.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He hastened to woo her, and +sweetly he wooed,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">For his love grew until to a +mountain it grewed,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And what he was longing to do, +then he doed.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">In secret he wanted to speak, and +he spoke,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To seek with his lips what his +heart long had soke;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">So he managed to let the truth +leak, and it loke.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He asked her to ride to the +church, and they rode;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">They so sweetly did glide, that +they both thought they glode,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And they came to the place to be +tied, and were tode.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then homeward he said let us +drive, and they drove,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And soon as they wished to +arrive, they arrove;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">For whatever he couldn't +contrive, she controve.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The kiss he was dying to steal, +then he stole,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">At the feet where he wanted to +kneel, there he knole,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And he said, " I feel better than +ever I fole."<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">So they to each other kept +clinging, and clung,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">While Time his swift circuit was +winging, and wung;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And this was the thing he was +bringing, and brung.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The man SALLY wanted to catch, +and had caught—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">That she wanted from others to +snatch, and had snaught—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Was the one that she now liked to +scratch, and she scraught<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And CHARLEY'S warm love began +freezing, and froze,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">While he took to teasing, and +cruelly toze</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The girl he had wished to be +squeezing, and squoze.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Wretch!" he cried when she +threatened to leave him, and left,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"How could you deceive me, as you +have deceft?"</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And she answered, "I promised to +cleave, and I've cleft!"</span> </div> + <p>AMOS KEETER</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/12.jpg"> + <p>A PRETTY IDEA OF MR. VAN LITTLEDRAM: HE TAKES HIS YOUNGSTER +OUT FOR A SAIL, THUS, AND SAVES THE EXPENSE OF A BOAT.</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE.</b></p> + <p>CANTO VII.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Tom, +Tom the Pipers' son,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Stole a Pig, and away he run;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And TOM went roaring down the +street.</span> </div> + <p>The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great +excitement in the period in which it occurred, although at the present +date it would not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest +ripple on the glassy calm of our most, sleepy village.</p> + <p>We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little +peccadillo such as the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a +purse, unless it contains a large amount, and was taken under the most +aggravating circumstances from ourselves.</p> + <p>A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect +hundreds of people, or a midnight murder executed with the malignancy +of a fiend, will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even +that soon passes out of mind, and society settles back into its +imperturbable apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still +further, and becoming by degrees proof against being stirred by +anything that does not affect ourselves personally.</p> + <p>Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the +astounding temerity of the Piper's son, in laying felonious hands on +the property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement +second only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later +days.</p> + <p>Poor TOM was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for +although he was the one who committed the crime, he was not the only +one who reaped a benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells +us, he was the only one who was punished therefor; so, while we blame +him, let us shed a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, +the others the eating. The scene is graphically described thusly—</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Tom, +Tom the Piper's son,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Stole a pig, and away he run."</span> + </div> + <p>Here we see Tom, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, +listening to the witching strains of his father's bagpipe, played by +the industrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, +with the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat +that both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its +day and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought +to bear upon it, TOM'S eyes, roving around from window to door, happen +to light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent +beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for +human rights.</p> + <p>Alas! TOM is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the +fascinating pig, and he doesn't know how strong his principles are, nor +how far he will go to maintain them.</p> + <p>He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, +the desire to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a +determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal +that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed +upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it +as a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it +tightly in his hands, and skedaddles.</p> + <p>The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of +piggy is unnoticed till the red-headed urchin whose playmate it is +looks around for the loved companion, of his childish sports, and finds +it not. Great research, amid loud outcries, is made, resulting only in +the conviction that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace +behind.</p> + <p>TOM, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart +swelling with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the +arms of his maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the +dainty prize. Visions of a luscious supper float through the mind of +the female piperess, as she bestows her motherly benediction upon her +thoughtful son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned +lesson of cooking a sucking pig.</p> + <p>Having accomplished the "First get your pig" part, the rest +comes easy; and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories +are sainted with an odor that startles him from his generally +despondent mood, and awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an +unusual flavor from his usually flavorless abode. He enters and finds a +smiling wife and son, with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. "What +next occurred the Poet tells us in the laconic words</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The +pig was eat."</span> </div> + <p>There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the +fact was enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, +and this happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They +couldn't eat them, and they didn't own a dog; so they picked them clean +and threw them away. But, "Murder will out," and the tiny bones told +their own tale. The village detective soon coupled the feet of the +missing pig with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the +door of the musician's abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to +the detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a +pig's bones—a stolen pig's bones, from the fact that the Piper did not +earn enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole +the sucking-pig?</p> + <p>Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to +have any light-fingered proclivities.</p> + <p>Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe +and could prove an alibi.</p> + <p>There was no one left but TOM. Circumstances pointed him out: +he loved good eating and hated work, and had been noticed gazing upon +the charms of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. TOM was the +thief, and the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too +uncertain and expensive, TOM was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was +resolved to take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells +us</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"TOM +was beat."</span> </div> + <p>Undoubtedly TOM was glad when they got through, and although he</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Went +roaring down the street,"</span> </div> + <p>it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his +bacon. It was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had +no stomach pumps in those days.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Scene.—A. City Restaurant.</b></p> + <p><i>Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast</i>.) +"Anything more, sir?"</p> + <p><i>Customer</i>. "H'm—well—yes; bring me an omelette souffle."</p> + <p><i>Waiter</i>. "Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessir."</p> + <p>(<i>Exit, humming the popular tune</i>.)</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Unintentionally Appropriate</b>.</p> + <p>The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and +then innocently requests the "False Reporting" <i>Tribune</i> to copy +it!</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>BY GEORGE!</b></p> + <p>(<i>Continued</i>.)</p> + <p>LAKE GEORGE, Sept 5.</p> + <p>DEAR PUNCHINELLO:—In my last I promised to finish my trip on +the Lake and give you some reliable rumors about the "Rogers' Slide."</p> + <p>I am prepared to do this to-day, in a happy and congratulatory +frame of mind.</p> + <p>I have had breakfast this morning.</p> + <p>When I say this I mean that I have had this morning's +breakfast this morning.</p> + <p>Any one who has achieved so remarkable a success, at this +place, can safely plume himself on his patience and physical endurance.</p> + <p>For instance, this morning, for the first time, I ordered +broiled Spring Chicken.</p> + <p>The waiter gave me a disconsolate look and proceeded to gird +up his loins with a base ball belt.</p> + <p>In a few moments he dashed past the window in hot pursuit of a +fowl of venerable appearance, but of a style of going that would have +put to shame any ostrich that Dr. LIVINGSTONE ever saw.</p> + <p>I asked the head waiter if he called that a <i>Spring Chicken</i>?</p> + <p>He said he guessed that chicken could out-Spring any chicken +in the place.</p> + <p>This clears up another great hotel mystery.</p> + <p>The man outflanked this gentle birdling on the eighth time +round, in 6.23, which is considered very good indeed, and beats the +time of the late Harvard and Yale "Foul" considerably.</p> + <p>I say "outflanked," because it is not the intention of these +sunny Amendments to put an end to these feathery Dexters immediately, +but to drive them into the ten-pin alley, where they are leisurely +bowled to an untimely end. As, however, pony balls are generally used, +and there are always half a dozen darkies standing around ready to bet +that the chicken won't be killed in forty balls, or sixty, as the case +may be, this part of the process is rather tedious to the guest</p> + <p>Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not +more than nine or ten-pin feathers left.</p> + <p>Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called "Sabbath +Day Point," in consequence of ABERCROMBIE having landed there on a +Wednesday morning.</p> + <p>Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see +the Point.</p> + <p>A gentleman on board informed me that the water was so clear +at this place that one could "see objects when thirty feet from the +bottom."</p> + <p>I have thought and thought over this remark, but am unable to +see what one's distance from the bottom has to do with his "seeing +objects."</p> + <p>I give it up.</p> + <p>On the opposite side of the Lake is a hill called "Sugar Loaf +Mountain"—because it is a sweet place for loafers, I suppose.</p> + <p>Finally we passed "Rogers' Slide," which is a rocky precipice +three hundred feet high, sloping nearly perpendicularly into the water. +A decidedly unpleasant-looking place for cellar-door practice.</p> + <p>There are a great many romantic traditions about this same +ROGERS, who is regarded by the simple natives as having been an +altogether high-minded and gorgeous character—the fact being that he +was one of those unmitigated old scamps who owe to the accident of +having lived in Revolutionary times, the distinction of being held up +to the emulation of primary schools as a "Patriot Hero." Literally he +was simply an "unmixed evil," fighting only to steal something, and +devoting what time and talent he could spare from his legitimate +profession—which was <i>seven-up</i>—to generally bedevilling and +encroaching upon the neighboring Indians.</p> + <p>As an enchroachist he was immense.</p> + <p>The noble red-skins alluded to finally concluded that enough +was enough, and appointed a Special Commission to put a permanent end +to the delicate attentions of the "Marked Back."</p> + <p>This <i>sobriquet</i> they conferred upon him partly on +account of the fact that he usually received his wounds while leaving +their immediate vicinity, and partly because of a peculiar +characteristic of the kind of cards he used.</p> + <p>The Commissioners caught ROGERS out hunting, and chased him +until he came to this precipice, down which he slid into the Lake +below, and, unfortunately, escaped unharmed.</p> + <p>The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his +snow-shoes, soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they +concluded to "let him slide."</p> + <p>Hence the name.</p> + <p>Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone +over. Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left +produced a profound impression on their untutored minds.</p> + <p>They at once concluded that he was drowned, or had got "in +with" some bad spirits.</p> + <p>It is obvious, however, to the most casual observer of the +place, that the reverse must have been the case. The bad spirits were +in him.</p> + <p>The mark worn by Mr. R's "cheviots" in his descent can still +be distinctly seen.</p> + <p>About half way up is a shining object which is generally +believed to be a suspender button.</p> + <p>This, however, is merely conjectural.</p> + <p>The clerk of the boat, of whom I have spoken before, tells me +that until within a few years back, the hole in the water where ROGERS +struck could be seen.</p> + <p>"But it is all gone now," he said, shaking his head sadly. +"Nothing can escape the Vandal horde of tourists and relic hunters. +Piece by piece they have carried the hole away, and there is no trace +of it left now."</p> + <p>And he "wept at my tranquillity."</p> + <p>At the north end of the Lake we took stages for Fort +Ticonderoga. These vehicles were run by a man who was pointed out as a +"character," which means a sort of licensed nuisance.</p> + <p>The monomania of this individual was speech making, and much +reflection inclines me to the belief that he is some unappreciated +politician who has invented a way of "taking it out" on the unhappy +public as follows:</p> + <p>He waits until his five immense stages arrive at some remote +and solitary part of the road, then draws them up in a semi-circle, +mounts a stump, and—on pretence of exhibiting the beauties of +nature—proceeds to harangue the helpless fares to the top of his very +high bent, or until one of the slumbering "outsides" creates a welcome +diversion by falling off and breaking his neck.</p> + <p>We came to what was really a curiosity—two kinds of trees +growing from one trunk, which this concentration of bores, this <i>mitrailleuse</i>, +in fact, improved accordingly.</p> + <p>"Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the <i>re</i>-markable +and <i>pe</i>-culiar works of a benign <i>Per</i>-rovidence. On the +right you see the sturdy and iron-hearted oak, while on the left you +behold the modest and <i>be</i>-utiful ellum. What Having has joined +together let no man put asunder—gerlang with yer hosses!"</p> + <p>It must have been a Sunday-school Superintendent who invented +excursions to Fort Ty.</p> + <p>It is not a place to Tye to.</p> + <p>One old gentleman pointed to an underground hole and advised +me to go and look at the magazine.</p> + <p>I went; but it is hardly necessary to say that I didn't find +any, and, on the whole, I was glad of it If people don't know any more +than to leave their <i>Galaxys</i> and <i>Harper's</i> lying around +loose when travelling, why, they deserve to have them stolen, that's +all.</p> + <p>I was sorry for the old gentleman, but if there is anything +that disgusts me, it is to meet people that ain't posted about things.</p> + <p>As the steamer neared the Hotel, on our return, the departing +sun was flinging back his last good-night smile on the lovely scene +below, and the musical chime of the little church at Caldwell came +stealing sweetly over the bosom of the placid Lake. As its fairy-like +sounds reached our ears, a melancholy-looking man with long hair, who +sat near, started, smiled, and turning to me, said:</p> + <p>"Did I ever tell you that story about SLUKER?"</p> + <p>As I had never seen the party before, I replied that if he had +I had forgotten it.</p> + <p>"SLUKER," he repeated, gazing absently at the distant spire; +"SLUKER," he reiterated, rubbing his nose abstractedly with the handle +of his umbrella; "SLUKER," he continued—</p> + <p>—in my next, my dear PUNCHINELLO, in my next.</p> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">SAGINAW DODD.</span><br> + <p>[<i>To be continued</i>.]</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Sauce</b></p> + <p>There can be no doubt that Grévy is in the right place, +as a member of the Provisional government of France.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <br> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/14.jpg"> + <p><b><i>Old Gent</i>.</b> "Don't scatter water on my feet, +man,—do you suppose I want 'em to grow any bigger?"</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.</b></p> + <p>Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to +solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, +yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for +lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities +that go to the making up of an efficient "Hawkshaw."</p> + <p>That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest +from a circumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting +had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of +counterfeiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their +operations immediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. +Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a +nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the +arrangements of the counterfeiters. Having informed some of his +associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in +one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and +has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the +illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than +these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But +duty is duty—often stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful +detectives inserted their Spitz-dog noses between the joints of the +artists' doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in +upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all +the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered +about their vile den.</p> + <p>Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of +wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking +pipes—tobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought +by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent +results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw +the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil. Some of the +officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the +delinquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police +station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the +night.</p> + <p>Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the +prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a +mistake—or a joke—we are not exactly informed which; but the parties +chiefly interested do not look upon it as a joke.</p> + <p>Now it is a very clear case that the mistake in question—or +joke—may be traced to a deficiency of education on the part of these +vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been properly cultivated in +the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could +not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would +have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been +acknowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August +Presence with obsequious genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, +then, whether a course of lectures upon art should not henceforth be +considered an indispensable branch of the education of our excellent +detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their +education, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be +insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives' +learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full +knowledge of the leguminous vegetables—such as beans.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Temporary Obscuration of the "Hub."</b></p> + <p>Boston already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. +She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year +she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further +to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of +Commons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of +Boston must fall into insignificance and "feel small." On the second +day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into +Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public +Garden, Big Drum, Common—all, all of these will then have to subside +and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince +of Erie and his valiant command.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Boy and Man.</b></p> + <p>"Miss ANNIE P. LADD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by +the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace."</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To +be a man and magistrate</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'Twas natural that ANNIE sighed,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Since she one phase of man's +estate</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Already as a LADD had tried.</span> + </div> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>A Nut for the Ladies' Club.</b></p> + <p>Referring to the recent ladies' boat race at Harlem, a +reporter says that "the girls all rowed badly." This is a discouraging +comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume man's +attributes, (not to mention his other "butes" and the +what-d'ye-call-'ems generally associated with them,) and it is a very +significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words +So rows Sis.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>NEW PUBLICATIONS.</b></p> + <p>Among the numerous portraits of the late CHARLES DICKENS now +before the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in +chromograph lately issued by PRANG & Co., of Boston and New York. +It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger +than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the +face is one of thought—rather as he might have appeared when meditating +over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he +used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in +two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most +predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a +glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="1" + style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. Stewart & Co.</big></big></p> + <p><small>Have just received several Cases</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PARIS MADE SILK AND POPLIN</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Street and Evening</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">DRESSES,</p> + <p><small>Two cases Cloth and Velvet Pattern</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Sacques, Cloaks, &c.,</p> + <p><small>An opening of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">HANDSOME TRIMMED HATS,</p> + <p>Latest Paris Style. Also,</p> + <p><small>Children's and Misses' Undergarments, Infants' Outfits, +etc., etc.</small></p> + <p><small>Several Cases Real India<br> +Camel's-Hair Shawls,</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">At unusually attractive prices.</p> + <p>Embroideries, Laces, Real Lace and LLama Pointes, Dresses, +&c.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>WEDDING TROUSSEAUX.</big></p> + <p><small>The above forms only a very small portion of their +Large and Attractive Stock of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>ELEGANT GOODS,</big></p> + <p><small>Imported and Domestic Made.</small></p> + <p>Offered at</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.</p> + </td> + <td rowspan="3" style="text-align: left;"> + <div style="text-align: center;"> <big><big><big><big>PUNCHINELLO.<br> + <br> + </big></big></big></big><br> +The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly +Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public +in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper +of the kind ever published in America. </div> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL.</span><br> + <br> +Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) ............... $4.00<br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">" " six months, (without +premium,) ..................................... 2.00</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">" " three months, +" ............................................. 1.00</span><br> + <br> +Single copies mailed free, for +............................................... .10<br> + <br> +We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO'S<br> +CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows:<br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year, and<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">"</span><b + style="font-weight: bold;">The Awakening</b><span + style="font-weight: bold;">,"</span></big></big> (a Litter of +Puppies.) Half chromo.<br> +Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,) for ...................... $4.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wild Roses.</span></big></big> +12-1/8 x 9.<br> + <big><big><b>Dead Game</b>.</big></big> 11-1/8 x 8-3/8.<br> + <big><big><b>Easter Morning</b>.</big></big> 6-3/4 x 10-1/4—for +..................... $5.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $5.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Group of Chickens;<br> +Group of Ducklings;<br> +Group of Quails</b>.</big></big><br> +Each 10 x 12-1/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Poultry Yard</b>.</big></big> 10-1/8 x 14<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Barefoot Boy;<br> +Wild Fruit</b>.</big></big> Each 9-3/4 x 13.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Pointer and Quail;<br> +Spaniel and Woodcock</b>.</big></big> 10 x 12—for ... $6.50<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $6.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Baby in Trouble;<br> +The Unconscious Sleeper;<br> +The Two Friends</b>. (Dog and Child.)</big></big><br> +Each 13 x 16-1/4.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Spring;<br> +Summer;<br> +Autumn;</b><br> + </big></big> 12-7/8 x 16-1/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Kid's Play Ground</b>.</big></big><br> +11 x 17-1/2—for ................. $7.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $7.50 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Strawberries and Baskets</b>.</big></big><br> + <br> + <big><big><b style="font-weight: bold;">Cherries and Baskets</b><span + style="font-weight: bold;">.</span></big></big><br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Currants</b>.</big></big> Each 13 x 18.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Horses in a Storm</b>.</big></big> 22-1/4 x 15-1/4.<br> + <br> + <big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Six Central Park Views. (A +set.)</big></big><br> +9-1/8 x 4-1/2—for ........... $8.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Six American Landscapes</b>. (A set.)</big></big><br> +4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00—for +.............................................. $9.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the<br> +following $10 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Sunset in California</b>.</big></big> (Bierstadt) +18-1/2 x 12<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Easter Morning</b>.</big></big> 14 x 21.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Corregio's Magdalen</b>.</big></big> 12-1/4 x 16-3/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit</b>.</big></big> +(Half chromos,)<br> +15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), for $10.00<br> + <br> +Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on +New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first +number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not otherwise ordered.<br> + <br> +Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents +per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be <i>mailed +free</i> on receipt of money.<br> + <br> +CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For +special terms address the Company.<br> + <br> +The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the +paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any +one desirous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage +stamp.<br> + <br> +Address,<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</span><br> + <br> +P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street, New York.<br> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. Stewart & Co.</big></big></p> + <p><small>Offer the largest, richest, and cheapest stock of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>DRESS GOODS,</big></p> + <p><small>That has ever been Offered in this City,</small></p> + <p>Comprising many Novelties in</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Poplins, Armures Cloths, +Epinglines, Extra Quality Merinos, Ladies' Cloths, &c., &c.</p> + <p><small>A Large Line of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">DOMESTIC SHIRTINGS, SHEETINGS, +BLANKETS, FLANNELS,</p> + <p><small>And every Variety of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>HOUSEKEEPING GOODS.</big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> <br> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>IN CARPETS.</big></big></p> + <p>Five Frame ENGLISH BRUSSELS, <small>Reduced to $1.75 per yard.</small></p> + <p><small>200 Pieces Five-Frame</small><br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">English Brussels,</span></p> + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">Greater part Confined Styles,</span> +Reduced to $2 per yard.</p> + <p><small>Very Best Quality</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">ENGLISH TAPESTRY BRUSSELS</p> + <p><small>$1.30 per yard.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">FRENCH MOQUETTES</p> + <p><small>AND</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">AXMINSTERS,</p> + <p><small>$3.50 and $4 per yard.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">ROYAL WILTONS,</p> + <p><small>Best Quality, $2.50 and $3 per yard.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">CROSSLEY'S VELVETS,</p> + <p><small>Choice Designs, $2.50 per yard.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Superfine Ingrains, 3-Plys.</p> + <p><small>English and Domestic</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>OILCLOTHS, RUGS,<br> +MATS, ETC.,</big></p> + <p><small>At Extremely Low Prices.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. STEWART & CO.</big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="1" align="center" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="66%" rowspan="2"> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/16.jpg"> + <p><b>FEEDING SPARROWS.</b></p> + <p>A HINT TO A CERTAIN CLASS OF "HUMANITARIANS"</p> + </center> + </td> + <td align="center">"The Printing-House of the United States."<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">GEO.F.NESBITT & +CO.,</span></big></big><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">General JOB PRINTERS,</span><br> + <br> +BLANK BOOK Manufacturers,<br> +STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail,<br> +LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers.<br> +COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers,<br> +CARD Manufacturers,<br> +ENVELOPE Manufacturers.<br> +FINE CUT and COLOR Printers.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST.,</span><br + style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE ST., New +York.</span><br> + <br> + <small>ADVANTAGES. All on the same premises, and under immediate +supervision of the proprietors.</small><br> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> <span style="font-weight: bold;">Tourists +and leisure Travelers</span><br> + <small>will be glad to learn that the Erie Railway Company has +prepared</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">COMBINATION EXCURSION</span><br> + <small><small>OR</small></small><br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Round Trip Tickets,</span></big><br> + <p><small>Valid during the entire season, and embracing +Ithaca—headwaters of Cayuga Lake—Niagara Falls, Lake Ontario, the River +St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, +the White Mountains and all principal points of interest in Northern +New York, the Canadas, and New England. Also similar Tickets at reduced +rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit the +celebrated Iron Mountains and Copper Mines of that region. By applying +at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., Nos. 241, 529 and 957 Broadway; +205 Chambers St.; 38 Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, +Harlem; 338 Fulton St., Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and +foot of 23rd St., New York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long Dock Depot, +Jersey City, and the Agents at the principal hotels, travelers can +obtain just the Ticket they desire, as well as all the necessary +information.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td colspan="2"> + <center> + <p><small>PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," +"Water-Lilies," "Chas. Dickens."<br> +PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art and Bookstores throughout the world.<br> +PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp.</small></p> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">L. PRANG & CO., Boston.</span> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="1" + style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="width: 50%;"> + <div style="text-align: center;"> <big><big><big><span + style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO.</span></big></big></big><br> + <br> + <small>With a large and varied experience in the management and +publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and with the +still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the +undertaking, the</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO</span>.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK,</span><br> + <br> +Presents to the public for approval, the new<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND +SATIRICAL</span><br> + <br> + <small><span style="font-weight: bold;">WEEKLY PAPER,</span></small><br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO,</span></big></big><br> + <br> +The first number of which was issued under<br> +date of April 2.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">ORIGINAL ARTICLES,</span><br> + <br> + <div style="text-align: center;"> Suitable for the paper, and +Original Designs,, or suggestive ideas or sketches for illustrations, +upon the topics of the day, are always acceptable and will be paid for +liberally.<br> + <br> +Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage stamps are +inclosed. </div> + </div> + <div style="text-align: center;"> <br> +TERMS:<br> + <br> +One copy, per year, in advance ....................... $4.00<br> + <br> +Single copies .......................................... .10<br> + <br> +A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten cents.<br> + <br> +One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other<br> +magazine or paper, price, $2.50, for ................. 5.50<br> + <br> +One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for 7.00 </div> + <br> + <div style="text-align: center;"> All communications, +remittances, etc., to be addressed to<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</span><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">No 83 Nassau Street,</span><br + style="font-weight: bold;"> + <br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">P. O. Box, 2783. NEW YORK.</span> + </div> + </td> + <td style="text-align: center;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. +DROOD.</big></big></p> + <p style="font-style: italic;">The New Burlesque Serial,</p> + <p><big>Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO,</big></p> + <p><small>BY</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>ORPHEUS C. KERR,</big></p> + <p><small>Commenced in No. 11. will be continued weekly +throughout the year.</small></p> + <p><small>A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom +friend, with superb illustrations of</small></p> + <p>1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, +TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY.</p> + <p>2ND. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE taken +as he appears "Every Saturday." will also be found in the same number.</p> + <br> + <p>Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen,<br> +(or mailed from this office, free,) Ten Cents.</p> + <p>Subscription for One Year, one copy,<br> +with $2 Chromo Premium. $4.</p> + <p><small>Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this +new serial, which promises to be the best ever written by ORPHEUS C. +KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular receipt weekly.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>We will send the first Ten +Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to<br> +any one who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on<br> +the receipt of SIXTY CENTS.</small></p> + <p>Address,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">P. O. Box 2783.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">83 Nassau St., New York.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<br> +<center> GEO. W, WHEAT & Co, PRINTER, NO. 8 SPRUCE STREET. </center> +<br> +<br> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10035 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/10035-h/images/01.jpg b/10035-h/images/01.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c21a886 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/01.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/03.jpg b/10035-h/images/03.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6744bcd --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/03.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/05.jpg b/10035-h/images/05.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b8ddee4 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/05.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/06.jpg b/10035-h/images/06.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..3c362be --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/06.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/07a.jpg b/10035-h/images/07a.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..fe41a63 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/07a.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/07b.jpg b/10035-h/images/07b.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..699de03 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/07b.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/07c.jpg b/10035-h/images/07c.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d381d19 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/07c.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/07d.jpg b/10035-h/images/07d.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..cbfdb90 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/07d.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/07e.jpg b/10035-h/images/07e.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c19e944 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/07e.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/08.jpg b/10035-h/images/08.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..969fe5c --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/08.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/09.jpg b/10035-h/images/09.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..73b9a34 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/09.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/12.jpg b/10035-h/images/12.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..85dcf09 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/12.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/14.jpg b/10035-h/images/14.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8cb8236 --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/14.jpg diff --git a/10035-h/images/16.jpg b/10035-h/images/16.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f543d2c --- /dev/null +++ b/10035-h/images/16.jpg diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e157847 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #10035 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/10035) diff --git a/old/10035-8.txt b/old/10035-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1a70bd8 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2750 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: November 10, 2003 [EBook #10035] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 2, NO. 27 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, +Steve Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + + + + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | CONANT'S | + | | + | PATENT BINDERS | + | | + | FOR | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO," | + | | + | to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent postpaid, on | + | receipt of One Dollar, by | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street, New York City. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | We will Mail Free | + | | + | A COVER | + | | + | Lettered & Stamped, with New Title Page | + | | + | FOR BINDING | + | | + | FIRST VOLUME, | + | | + | On Receipt of 50 Cents, | + | | + | OR THE | + | | + | TITLE PAGE ALONE, FREE, | + | | + | On application to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S | + | STEEL PENS. | + | | + | These Pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and | + | cheaper than any other Pen in the market. Special attention | + | is called to the following grades, as being better suited | + | for business purposes than any Pen manufactured. The | + | "505," "22," and the "Anti-Corrosive," | + | we recommend for Bank and Office use. | + | | + | D. APPLETON & CO., | + | Sole Agents for United States. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + * * * * * + +Vol II. No. 27 + + +PUNCHINELLO + + +SATURDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1870. + + +PUBLISHED BY THE + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, + +83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK. + + * * * * * + + +THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD, + +By ORPHEUS C. KERR, + +Continued in this Number. + + +See 15th Page for Extra Premiums. + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bound Volume No. 1. | + | | + | The first volume of PUNCHINELLO--the | + | only first-class, original, illustrated, | + | humorous and satirical weekly paper | + | published in this country--ending with | + | No. 26, September 24, 1870, | + | | + | Bound in Extra Cloth, | + | | + | will be ready for delivery on Oct. 1, | + | 1870. | + | | + | PRICE $2.50. | + | | + | Sent postpaid to any part of the United | + | States on receipt of price. | + | | + | A copy of the paper for one year, | + | from October 1st, No. 27, and the | + | Bound Volume, (the latter prepaid,) | + | will be sent to any subscriber for $5.50. | + | | + | Three copies for one year, and three | + | Bound Volumes, with an extra copy of | + | Bound Volume, to any person sending | + | us three subscriptions for $16.50. | + | | + | One copy of paper for one year, | + | with a fine chromo premium, | + | for- - - - - $4.00 | + | | + | Single copies, mailed free .10 | + | | + | Back numbers can always be supplied, | + | as the paper is electrotyped. | + | | + | Book canvassers will find this volume | + | a | + | | + | | + | Very Saleable Book. | + | | + | | + | Orders supplied at a very liberal | + | discount. | + | | + | All remittances should be made in | + | Post Office orders. | + | | + | Canvassers wanted for the paper | + | everywhere. Send for our Special | + | Circular. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | | + | Punchinello Publishing Co., | + | | + | 83 NASSAU ST., N. Y. | + | | + | P.O. Box No. 2783. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO | + | | + | JOHN NICKINSON, | + | | + | ROOM No. 4, | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, N. Y. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | TO NEWS-DEALERS. | + | | + | Punchinello's Monthly. | + | | + | The Weekly Numbers for August, | + | | + | Bound in a Handsome Cover, | + | | + | Is now ready. Price Fifty Cents. | + | | + | THE TRADE | + | | + | Supplied by the | + | | + | AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, | + | | + | Who are now prepared to receive Orders. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | WEYILL & HAMMAR, | + | | + | Wood Engravers, | + | | + | 208 BROADWAY, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bowling Green Savings-Bank, | + | | + | 33 BROADWAY, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + | Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M. | + | | + | _Deposits of any sum, from Ten cents | + | to Ten Thousand Dollars, will be received._ | + | | + | Six per Cent Interest, | + | Free of Government Tax. | + | | + | INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS | + | Commences on the First of every Month. | + | | + | HENRY SMITH, _President_. | + | | + | REEVES E. SELMES, _Secretary_. | + | | + | WALTER ROCHE, EDWARD HOGAN, _Vice-Presidents_. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A NEW AND MUCH-NEEDED BOOK. | + | | + | MATERNITY | + | | + | A POPULAR TREATISE | + | | + | For Young Wives and Mothers | + | | + | BY T. S. VERDI, A. M., M. D., OF WASHINGTON, D. C. | + | | + | Dr. VERDI is a well-known and successful Homoeopathic | + | Practitioner, of thorough scientific training and large | + | experience. His book has arisen from a want felt in his own | + | practice, as a Monitor to Young Wives, a Guide to Young | + | Mothers, and an assistant to the family physician. It deals | + | skilfully, sensibly, and delicately with the perplexities of | + | early married life, as connected with the holy duties of | + | Maternity, giving information which women must have, either | + | in conversation with physicians, or from such a source as | + | this--evidently the preferable mode of learning, for a | + | delicate and sensitive woman. Plain and intelligible, but | + | without offense to the most fastidious taste, the style of | + | this book must commend it to careful perusal. It treats of | + | the needs, dangers, and alleviations of the time of travail; | + | and gives extended detailed instructions for the care and | + | medical treatment of infants and children throughout all the | + | perils of early life. | + | | + | As a Mother's Manual, it will hare a large sale, and as a | + | book of special and reliable information on very important | + | topics, it will be heartily welcomed. | + | | + | Handsomely printed on laid paper: bevelled boards, extra | + | English cloth, 12mo., 450 pages. Price $2.25. | + | | + | _For sale by all Booksellers, or will be sent post-paid on | + | receipt of the price by_ | + | | + | J. B. FORD & CO., Publishers, | + | 39 Park Row, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FORST & AVERELL, | + | | + | Steam, Lithograph, and Letter Press | + | | + | PRINTERS, | + | | + | EMBOSSERS, ENGRAVERS, AND LABEL | + | MANUFACTURERS. | + | | + | Sketches and Estimates furnished upon application. | + | | + | 23 Platt Street, and 20-22 Gold Street, | + | | + | [P.O. Box 2845.] | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FOLEY'S | + | | + | GOLD PENS. | + | | + | THE BEST AND CHEAPEST. | + | | + | 256 BROADWAY. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | The only Journal of its kind in America!! | + | | + | The American Chemist: | + | | + | A MONTHLY JOURNAL | + | OF | + | | + | THEORETICAL, ANALYTICAL AND TECHNICAL | + | CHEMISTRY | + | | + | DEVOTED ESPECIALLY TO AMERICAN INTERESTS. | + | | + | EDITED BY | + | | + | Chas. F. Chandler, Ph. D., & W. H. Chandler. | + | | + | The Proprietors and publishers of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST, | + | having purchased the subscription list and stock of the | + | American reprint of THE CHEMICAL NEWS, have decided to | + | advance the interests of American Chemical Science by the | + | publication of a Journal which shall be a medium of | + | communication for all practical, thinking experimenting, and | + | manufacturing scientific men throughout the country. | + | | + | The columns of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST are open for the | + | reception of original articles from any part of the country, | + | subject to approval of the editor. Letters of inquiry on any | + | points of interest within the scope of the Journal will | + | receive prompt attention. | + | | + | THE AMERICAN CHEMIST | + | | + | Is a Journal of especial interest to | + | | + | SCHOOLS AND MEN OF SCIENCE, TO COLLEGES, | + | APOTHECARIES, DRUGGISTS, PHYSICIANS | + | ASSAYERS, DYERS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, | + | MANUFACTURERS, | + | | + | And all concerned in scientific pursuits. | + | | + | Subscription, $5.00 per annum, in advance; | + | 50 cts. per number. Specimen copies, 25 cts. | + | | + | Address WILLIAM BALDWIN & CO., | + | | + | Publishers and Proprietors. | + | | + | 434 Broome Street, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | J. NICKINSON | + | | + | begs to announce to the friends of | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO," | + | | + | residing in the country, that, for their convenience, he has | + | made arrangements by which, on receipt of the price of | + | | + | ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED, | + | | + | the same will be forwarded, postage paid. | + | | + | Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our Publishing | + | Houses, can have the same forwarded by inclosing two | + | stamps. | + | | + | OFFICE OF | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street. | + | | + | [P.O. Box 2783.] | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HENRY L. STEPHENS, | + | | + | ARTIST, | + | | + | No. 160 FULTON STREET, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | GEO. B. BOWLEND, | + | | + | Draughtsman & Designer | + | | + | No. 160 Fulton Street, | + | | + | Room No. 11, NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +PREFACE + +"HALF a year, half a year, half a year onward," has PUNCHINELLO advanced +since he wafted his first number to the four quarters of the globe. + +His road has not been a very easy one to travel. + +Bad characters lurked behind the fences, from which they would sometimes +take a sneak shot at the Showman as he passed. These fellows were +awfully bad shots, though, never so much as hitting the van in which the +show travels. PUNCHINELLO'S return fire always set the scamps +a-scampering, and all they had for their pains was the loss of their +ammunition, and the discovery that the row kicked up by them had +attracted crowds of people to the spot, so that PUNCHINELLO'S show was +capitally advertised by their noise. + +PUNCHINELLO'S First Volume, then, is a substantial fact. It is an +entirely new, original, and complete article, which no family should be +without. + +Read what the New York _Moon that Shines for All_ says about it: + +"Put a head on yourself by reading PUNCHINELLO, Vol. 1. It is by far the +best tonic bitters in the market. It cured the editor of this paper of a +very malignant attack, (made by himself on PUNCHINELLO,) after three +applications." + +Several gentle critics predicted an early death for PUNCHINELLO on +account of the buff color selected by him for his full dress costume. +Ha! ha! gentlemen, many a blow falls harmless on the wearer of a +buff-jerkin. As the old poet, whose name we have forgotten, might have +said, had he been in the humor--"He who will cuff it, Eke should buff +it,"--a maxim to which PUNCHINELLO gives his cordial adhesion. + +And now comes PUNCHINELLO to the beginning of his Second Volume, +encouraged by the success of his First. + +If Vol. I of PUNCHINELLO was a _Chassepot_, (and it _did_ make some +havoc in the ranks of the enemy,) Vol. II is intended to be a +_mitrailleuse_. It will be so arranged as to combine total annihilation +with bewitching music. For instance, by turning one of the cranks by +which it is worked, PUNCHINELLO will be able to project a shower of such +mortiferous missiles against all abettors of crime and vice, all quacks, +political and social, all corrupt officials, all Congress, (except the +Right Party,) all torpid fogies and peddlers of red tape, all humbugs of +every size and shape, in fact, as will speedily reduce them to ashes. +Then, by skilfully manipulating the other crank, he can produce from it +strains of such mellifluous harmony that the very telegraph-poles will +throng around him, as erstwhile did the trees of the forest around +ORPHEUS, and tender their services for the transmission of his melting +music to all the beautiful places on Earth. It is hardly necessary to +say that "Hail Columbia" is the very first tune on the cylinder of +PUNCHINELLO'S musical _mitrailleuse_. + +With his mind's eye, (an apparatus expressly constructed for and fitted +to his mental organization by a renowned necromancer,) PUNCHINELLO sees +his Public surging towards him, and grasping with outstretched hands at +the showers of _bon bons_ with which he plentifully supplies them from +an inexhaustible casket. + +Among them are thousands of familiar forms, and these are mostly in the +front. After these come several thousands of new forms, all pressing +forward upon the heels of the others with an eagerness that augurs for +PUNCHINELLO Vol II a tremendous and unparalleled success. Each of these +good people carries four dollars ($4) in his right hand, which he waves +at PUNCHINELLO, who affably accepts the greenbacks from him when within +proper distance, and then, dipping his pen in ink without a drop of gall +in it, books the donor for a year's subscription in advance. + +As for party, PUNCHINELLO knows but one party--and that is the Right +Party. Stirring times are before us. The Right Party is not going to lie +down and sleep while the times are stirring. Nor is PUNCHINELLO. When +anything that interests the Right Party has got to be stirred, +PUNCHINELLO will be on hand. He has been so long used to starring it, +that he makes light of stirring it. He can stir with a red-hot poker and +he can stir with a feather,--"You pays your money and you takes your +choice." + +And now, having stirred the spirit within him to a demonstrative pitch, +PUNCHINELLO shies his cocked hat into space, and calls upon his Public +to give three rousing cheers for the + +RIGHT PARTY. + + + * * * * * + +Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Office of the Librarian of +Congress at Washington. + + * * * * * + +THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. + +AN ADAPTATION. + +BY ORPHEUS C. KERR. + +CHAPTER XX. + +AN ESCAPE. + +The bewildered Flowerpot had no sooner gained her own room, enjoyed her +agitated expression of face in the mirror, and tried four differently +colored ribbon-bows upon her collar in succession, than the thought of +becoming Mr. BUMSTEAD'S bride lost the charm of its first wild novelty, +and became utterly ridiculous. He was a man of commanding stature, which +his linen "duster" made appear still more long; the dark circles around +his eyes would disappear in time, and he had an abusive way of referring +to women which made him inexpressibly grand to women as a true +poet-soul; but would it be safe, would it be religiously right, for a +young girl, not yet conscious of her own full power of annual monetary +expenditure, to blindly risk her necessary expenses for life upon one +whom the cost of a single imported bonnet, in the contingency of a +General European War, might plunge into inextricable pecuniary +embarrassment? Possibly, the General European War might not occur in an +ordinary married-lifetime, as France was no longer in a condition to +menace England, Russia would be wary about provoking the new Prussian +giant, and Austria and Italy were not likely soon to forget their last +military misadventures; yet, while all the great American journals had, +for the last twenty years, published daily editorials, by young writers +from the country, to show that such a War could not possibly be averted +longer than about the day after tomorrow, would it be judicious for a +young girl to marry as though that War were absolutely impossible? No! +Her woman's heart sternly reiterated the pitilessly negative; and, as +the Ritualistic organist had plainly evinced an earnest intention to let +no foreign military complications prevent her marriage with him, she +felt that her only safety from his matrimonial violence must be sought +in flight. + +With whom, though, could she take refuge? If she went to MAGNOLIA +PENDRAGON, all her dearest schoolmates would say, that they had always +loved her, despite her great faults, yet could not disguise from +themselves that she seemed at last to be fairly running after Miss +PENDRAGON'S brother. Besides, Mr. BUMSTEAD, offended by the seeming want +of confidence in him evinced by her flight, would, probably, take +measures publicly to identify MAGNOLIA'S alpaca garment with the +covering of his lost umbrella, and thus direct new suspicion against a +sister and brother already bothered almost into hysterics. + +During the last few weeks, an attack of dyspepsia had laid the +foundation of a mind in the Flowerpot, as it generally does in other +young female American boarding-school thinkers, and she was now capable +of that subtle line of reasoning which is the great commendation of her +sex to a recognized perfect intellectual equality with man. Once +decided, by her apprehension of a General European War, against marriage +with J. BUMSTEAD, she took a rather irritable view of that too +attractive devotional musician, and inferred, from his not being wealthy +enough to stand the test of possible transatlantic hostilities, that he +must, himself, have killed EDWIN DROOD. His umbrella, it was well known, +had been present at that fatal Christmas dinner; and a thoughtless +insult offered to it, even by his nephew, might have made a demon of +him. Suppose that EDWIN, upon returning to the dining-room that night, +after his temporary exercise in the open air with MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON, +had found his uncle, flushed with cloves, endeavoring to force a social +glass of lemon tea upon the umbrella, under the impression that it was a +person, and had unthinkingly accused him thereat of being momentarily +unsettled in his faculties? Probably, then, hot words would have passed +between them; each telling the other that he would have a nice headache +in the morning and find it impossible not to look very sleepy even if he +fixed his hair ever so elaborately. Blows might have followed: the +uncle, in his anger, hewing the nephew limb from limb with the carving +knife from the table, and subsequently carrying away the remains to the +Pond and there casting them in. Suppose, in his natural excitement, the +uncle had hurriedly used the umbrella, opened and held downward, to +carry the remains in; and, after coming home again, and snatching a nap +under the table, had forgotten all about it, and thus been ever since +inconsolable for his alpaca loss? As the young orphan argued thus +exhaustively to herself, the extreme probability of her suppositions +made her more and more frenzied to fly instantly beyond the reach of one +who, in the event of a General European War, would not be a husband whom +her head could approve. + +After penning a hasty farewell note to Miss CAROWTHERS, to the effect +that urgent military reasons obliged her to see her guardian at once, +FLORA lost no time in packing a small leather satchel for travel. Two +bottles of hair oil, a jar of glycerine, one of cold cream, two boxes of +powder, a package of extra back-hair, a phial of belladonna, a +camel's-hair brush for the eyebrows, a rouge-saucer for pinking the +nails, four flasks of perfumery, a depilatory in a small flagon, and +some tooth paste, were the only articles she could pause to collect for +her precipitate escape; and, with them in the satchel on her arm, and a +bonnet and shawl hurriedly thrown on, she stole away down-stairs, and +thus from the house. + +Hastening to the Roach House, from whence started an omnibus for the +ferry, she was quickly rattling out of Bumsteadville in a vehicle +remarkable for the great number and variety of noises it could make when +maddened into motion by a span of equine rivals in an immemorial +walking-match. + +"Now, BONNER," she said to the driver, taking leave of him at the +ferry-boat, "be sure and let Miss CAROWTHERS know that you saw me safely +off, and that I was not a bit more tired than if I had walked all the +way." + +Blushing with pleasure at the implied compliment to his equipage from +such lips, the skilled horseman had not the heart to object to the +wildly mutilated fragment of currency with which his fare had been paid, +and went back to where his steeds were taking turns in holding each +other up, as happy a man as ever lost money by the change in woman. + +Reaching the city, Miss POTTS was promptly worshiped by a hackman of +marked conversational powers, who, whip in hand, assured her that his +carriage was widely celebrated under the titles of the "Rocking Chair," +the "Old Shoe," and the "Glider," on account of its incredible ease of +motion; and that, owing to its exquisite abbreviation of travel to the +emotions, those who rode in it had actually been known to dispute that +they had ridden even half the distance for which they were charged. Did +he know where Mr. DIBBLE, the lawyer, lived, in Nassau Street, near +Fulton? If she meant lawyer DIBBLE, near Fulton Street, in Nassau, next +door but one to the second house below, and directly opposite the +building across the way, there was just one span of buckskin horses in +the city that could take a carriage built expressly for ladies to that +place, as naturally as though it were a stable. It was a place that +he--the hackman--always associated with his own mother, because he was +so familiar with it in childhood, and had often thought of driving to it +blindfolded for a wager. + +Proud to learn that her guardian was so well known in the great city, +and delighted that she had met a charioteer so minutely familiar with +his house of business, FLORA stepped readily into the providential hack, +which thereupon instantly began Rocking-Chair-ing, Old-Shoe-ing, and +Gliding. Any one of these celebrated processes, by itself, might have +been desirable; but their indiscriminate and impetuous combination in +the present case gave the Flowerpot a confused impression that her whole +ride was a startling series of incessant sharp turns around obdurate +street corners, and kept her plunging about like an early young +Protestant tossed in a Romish blanket. Instinctively holding her satchel +aloft, to save its fragile contents from fracture, she rocked, shoed and +glided all over the interior of the vehicle, without hope of gaining +breath enough for even one scream, until, nearly unconscious, and, with +her bonnet driven half-way into her chignon, she was helped out by the +hackman at her guardian's door. + +"I am dying!" she groaned. + +"Then please remember me in your will, to the extent of two dollars," +returned the hackman with much humor. "You're only a little sea-sick, +miss; as often happens to people in humble circumstances when they ride +in a kerridge for the first time." + +Still panting, Miss POTTS paid and discharged this friendly man, and, +weariedly entering the building, followed the signs up-stairs to her +guardian's office. + +After knocking several times at the right door without reply, she turned +the knob, and entered so softly that the venerable lawyer was not +aroused from the slumber into which he had fallen in his chair by the +window. With a copy of _Putnam's Magazine_ still grasped in his honest +right hand, good Mr. DIBBLE slept like a drugged person; nor could the +young girl awaken him until, by a happy inspiration, she had snatched +away the monthly and cast it through the casement. + +"Am I dreaming?" exclaimed the aged man, when thus suddenly rescued from +his deadly lethargy at last "Is that you, my dear; or are you your late +mother?" + +"I am your ridiculously unhappy ward," answered the Flowerpot, +tremulously. "Oh, poor, dear, absurd EDDY!" + +"And you have come here all alone?" + +"Yes; and to escape being married to EDDY'S perfectly hateful uncle, who +has the same as ordered me to become his utterly disgusted bride. Oh, +why is it, why is it, that I must be thus persecuted by young men +without property! Why is it that perfectly horrid madmen on salaries are +allowed to claim me as their own!" + +"My dear," cried the old lawyer, leading her to a chair, and striving to +speak soothingly, "if Mr. BUMSTEAD desires to marry you he must indeed +be insane. Such a man ought really to be confined," he continued, pacing +thoughtfully up and down the room. "This must have been the idea that +was already turning his brain when--bless my soul!--he actually +intimated, first, that I, and then, that Mr. SIMPSON, had killed his +nephew!" + +"He thinks, now, that I, or MAGNOLIA PENDRAGON, may have done it,--the +hateful creature!" said FLORA, passionately. + +"I see, I see," assented Mr. DIBBLE, nodding. "When he has you in his +head, my dear, he himself must clearly be out of it. You shall stay here +and take tea with me, and then I will take you to FRENCH'S Hotel for +your accommodation during the night." + +It was a sight to see him tenderly help her off with her bonnet; and +suggestive to hear him say, that if a man could only take off his brains +as easily as a woman hers, what a relief it would be to him +occasionally. It was curious to see him peep into her bottle-filled +satchel, with an old man's freedom; and to hear him audibly wonder +thereat, whether, after all, men were any more addicted than women to +the social glass when they wanted to put a better face on affairs. And, +after the waiter bringing him toast and tea from a neighboring +restaurant had brought an additional slice and cup for the guest, it was +pleasant to behold him smiling across the office-table at that guest, +and encouraging her to eat as much as she would if a member of his sex +were not looking. + +"It must be absurdly ridiculous to stay here all alone, as you do, sir," +observed FLORA. + +"But I am not always alone," answered Mr. DIBBLE. "My clerk, Mr. +BLADAMS, now taking a vacation in the country, is generally here though, +to be sure, I may lose him before long. He's turned literary." + +"How perfectly frightful!" said Miss POTTS. + +"He has set up for a genius, my child, and is now engaged upon a great +American novel. Discontented with the law, he is giving great attention +to this; but Free Trade will not, I am afraid, allow any American +publisher to bring it out." + +"Free Trade?" repeated FLORA. + +"Yes, my dear, Free Trade; that is, while American publishers can steal +foreign novels for nothing, they are not going to pay anything for +native fiction." + +Yawning behind her hand, the Flowerpot murmured something about Free +Trade being positively absurd, and her guardian went on: + +"Nevertheless, Mr. BLADAMS is going on-with his work, which he calls +'The Amateur Detective;' and if it ever does come out you shall have a +copy.--But, by the by," added the lawyer, suddenly, "you have not yet +fully described to me the interview in which poor Mr. EDWIN'S uncle +offered to become your husband." + +She gave him a full history of the Ritualistic organist's handsome offer +to her of his H. and H.; adding her own final decision in the matter as +precipitated by the possibility of a General European war; and Mr. +DIBBLE heard the whole with an air of studious attention. + +"Although I have certainly no particular reason for befriending Mr. +BUMSTEAD," said he, reflectively, "I shall take measures to keep him +from you. Now come with me to FRENCH'S Hotel. To-morrow I will call +there for you, you know, and then, perhaps, you may be taken to see your +friend, Miss PENDRAGON." + +Having obtained for his ward a room in the hotel named, and seen her +safely to its shelter, the good old lawyer visited the bar-room of the +establishment, for the purpose of ascertaining whether any evil-disposed +person could get in through that way for the disturbance of his fair +charge. After which he departed for his home in Gowanus. + +(_To be Continued.) + + * * * * * + +MOTTO FOR ALL GOOD CUBANS.--"The labor we delight in physics (S)pain." + + * * * * * + +THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. + +Punctually as announced, the FIFTH AVENUE THEATRE has re-opened. It has +been improved by the addition of several private boxes that remind one +of the square pews in old-fashioned churches, (by the way, why do +Puseyites object to pews?) and by the erection of a hydrant near the +conductor's seat, so that when the audience can endure STOEPEL'S music +no longer, they can turn on the water and drown him and his long-winded +orchestra. This latter improvement meets with our hearty approval, and +we earnestly hope to see it put to the excellent use for which it is +designed without further delay. Manager DALY is now offering to his +patrons the new comedy of _Man and Wife_. The old-fashioned play of that +name, which is daily acted everywhere about us, is usually more of a +tragedy than a comedy, but Mr. DALY'S _Man and Wife_ is comedy, farce, +muscular christianity, and paralysis pleasantly mingled together. As +thus: + +ACT I.--GEOFFREY DELAMAYN _and his brother are seen conversing in an +arbor. (Don't let the printer imagine that I mean Ann Arbor. It was bad +enough in_ WILKIE COLLINS _to banish his dramatis personae to Scotland; +but he was nevertheless too humane to send them to Michigan_.) + +JULIUS DELAMAYN. "GEOFFREY, you really must do something. The unmannerly +people who are just coming into the theatre make such a noise that I +couldn't be heard if I took the trouble to preach to you for an hour, so +I won't attempt to make my meaning any clearer." + +GEOFFREY. "I will or I won't, I forget which. However, the audience +can't hear. We've got a pretty good house here to-night I wonder if my +muscles really show to any extent. Here comes LADY LUNDIE and her +friends." + +LADY LUNDIE. "I choose everybody to play croquet on my side. The rest +may play on BLANCHE'S side. Miss SYLVESTER, you look as if you could not +stand alone. Therefore I order you to play." + +ANNIE SYLVESTER. "Madame, I will. GEOFFREY, meet me here in ten minutes, +or you'll be sorry for it." (Exit everybody. ANNIE and GEOFFREY +returning on tip-toe.) + +ANNIE. "You must marry me this afternoon. Meet me at the inn on the +moor." + +GEOFFREY. "I won't cross the moor with you. DESDEMONA foolishly crossed +the Moor, and came to grief in consequence. I take warning by her. I +hate you, but I suppose I must marry you, or you'll sell all my letters +to the _Sun_."--(_They go out to be married_.) + +ARNOLD _enters and makes love to_ BLANCHE. SIR PATRICK _does the comic +business with_ LEWIS'S _usual humor_. (_What a nice man_ LEWIS _must be +for girls to quarrel with; he "makes up" so nicely--this is a joke_.) +LADY LUNDIE _enters and announces that_ ANNIE _is no longer her +governess, that misguided person having thrown up her situation, for the +irrational reason that it was an interesting one, and having fled in the +silence of the after-dinner hour. Shrieks of horror from the young +ladies, who desist from knocking their croquet-balls into the orchestra +and the proscenium boxes; and triumphant falling of a new act-drop_. +STOEPEL, _having thought of a sweet passage for the fife, in a Chinese +opera, plays it uninterruptedly for forty-five minutes. A deaf old +gentleman approvingly remarks that this is really classical music_. + +ACT II.--_A storm at the inn on the Moor_. Miss SYLVESTER _waits for +her_ GEOFFREY _and her tea. Enter_ ARNOLD. + +ARNOLD. " GEOFFREY can't come, so he has sent me. I know your situation, +and shall have to feel for you if it gets much darker and they don't +bring candles. That is, if I'm to shake hands with you. I have told +everybody here that you are my wife. Let's have a little game of +seven-up, and pass the time profitably." + +ANNIE. "Oh, villain (I mean GEOFFREY,) you have de-ser-er-erted me. Oh, +rash young person, (I mean you, ARNOLD,) I'm inclined to think that +you've married me by Scotch law, without having meant it. If so, you'll +have to go to America and see BEECHER about a divorce." (_Curtain +subsequently falls, and_ STOEPEL _orders the big drum to beat for an +hour, while the musicians take advantage of the noise to tune their +instruments.) Deaf old gentleman remarks again that he does like_ +WAGNER'S _music. Half the audience hold their ears, while the other half +flee madly away until the entr' acte is over_. + +ACT III.--GEOFFREY _boxes with his trainer, and slings Indian clubs and +wooden dumb-bells_. + +GEOFFREY. "There! Thank heaven I didn't break anything. The scenery, the +footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the week is out, +however, if this prize-ring business isn't cut out. Here comes ARNOLD." + +ARNOLD. "How's Miss SYLVESTER?" + +GEOFFREY. "If you say anything more about her, I'll put a head on you. +She's your wife. You're a married man." + +ARNOLD. "_Married_! You infamous editor of a two cent daily paper; I +deny it. (_Curtain again falls, and_ STOEPEL _plays the entire opera of_ +ERNANI _for two hours. Deaf old gentleman remarks that music is the_ +STOEPEL _entertainment at this theatre, and that he really likes it. The +rest of the audience look at him with horror, as though he were a sort +of aggravated and superfluous cannibal_.) + +ACT IV.--_Sir_ PATRICK _proves that_ GEOFFREY _is married to_ ANNIE, +_and that_ ARNOLD _isn't_. GEOFFREY _takes his weeping wife home with +him. Everybody finds out that_ GEOFFREY _is an enormous liar and an +unmitigated blackguard. Through the open windows are seen the editors of +the Sun and the Free Press, each determined to be the first to offer_ +GEOFFREY _a place on the staff of his respective journal. The curtain +falls and_ STOEPEL _directs each member of the orchestra to play the +tune that he may like best. After three hours of this sort of thing a +humane person in the audience brings in a saw and begins to file it. The +rest of the audience are thereupon gently lulled to sleep by the music +of the file--so soft and soothing does it sound by contrast with_ +STOEPEL'S _demoniac orchestra._ + +ACT V.--ANNIE, _in the midst of misery and a gorgeous silk dress with +lace trimmings, is seen going to bed in her best clothes, and without +taking her hair down--this being the well-known custom among fashionably +dressed girls_. GEOFFREY _enters and attempts to strangle her, but she +is awakened by the considerate forethought of a dumb woman, who loudly +calls her, and_ GEOFFREY _conveniently lies down and dies of paralysis. +All the rest of the dramatis personae enter, and indulge in exclamations +of joy. The curtain falls for the last time, and_ STOEPEL _is removed +under the protection of a strong platoon of policemen, to the secret +abode where_ DALY _keeps him hidden during the day from the wrath of an +outraged public_. + +And the undersigned goes home to breakfast--it being now nearly 6 +A.M.--reflecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the +scenery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the +play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,) +the pluck of the young manager, and the unredeemed badness of the +orchestra, as it is conducted by Mr. STOEPEL. Tell me, gentle DALY, +tell; why in the name of all that is intelligent, do you let STOEPEL +transform each _entr' acte_ at your theatre into a prolonged purgatory, +by the villainous way in which he plays the most execrable music, for +the most intolerable periods of time? + +MATADOR. + + * * * * * + +L. N. IN PRUSSIA. + + Yes, I am quite upset; + In fact, I'm dizzy yet + With all that rapid riding, day and night; + But still, two things I see; + They've made an end of Me, + And blown the Empire higher than a kite! + + Yes, here I am, at last-- + And all my dreams are past. + didn't think to enter Prussia thus! + Confound that "Vorwarts" man! + When first the war began + He seemed as logy as an omnibus. + + Faugh! smell the Sweitzer Kaise! + The same in every place, eh? + How these big Germans love an ugly stench! + My! what a taste they've got + For articles that rot; + And can it be, they live so near the French? + + I'm in a pretty nest! + And, worse than all the rest, + Is thinking how I got here; there's the rub. + When I have mused awhile + On all my luck, so vile, + I almost wish they'd hit me with a club! + + It's very well to say-- + "I might have won the day, + If things had only gone this way or that;" + I should have _made_ them go, + And let these Germans know + That _they_ must go, too! or be cut down flat. + + They didn't go, it seems; + Except 'twas in my dreams! + And, consequently, I must bid good bye + To titles, power and state, + Which I enjoyed of late, + And curse my dismal fate--poor Louis and I! + + * * * * * + +THE PLYMOUTH ROCK. + +The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand of +society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one to +believe that Mr. PUNCHINELLO does not like a little fresh air. And +surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize no one's social +standing if the thing is not repeated too often. At least so thought Mr. +P., and he determined, one fine morning last week, that he would hurry +up his business as fast as possible, and take a trip on Col. FISK'S +steamboat to Sandy Hook. A man calling with a bundle of puns detained +him so long that he found that he would not be able to reach the 11 A.M. +boat without he made unusual haste. + +Rushing into the street, therefore, he hailed a passing hack, and +ordered the driver to take him, as quickly as possible, to the Plymouth +Rock. + +When the carriage stopped, and the man opened the door, Mr. P. rubbed +his eyes, for he had fallen into a doze, on the way, and sprang hastily +out. + +But what a sight met his gaze! + +Before him was the hack, covered with mud and dust, and the horses in a +position indicating utter exhaustion: to his right lay a huge +unsymmetrical stone, while behind him rolled the heaving waters of Cape +Cod bay! The man had mistaken his directions, and had driven him to JOHN +CARVER'S old Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, instead of JAMES FISK Jr.'s +steamboat at Pier 28, North River. + +"There's the rock, yer honor," said the man, pointing to the mis-shapen +stone, "and an awful time I've had a drivin' yer honor to it." + +"How long have you been, coming here?" asked the astounded Mr. P. + +"Nigh on to three days, yer honor, and I drove as fast as I could, +hopin' to get back by the Sunday in time for the Centhral Park, but I +had to stop sometimes for feed and wather, and it's no use me whippin' +up afther all, for sorra the good them horses will be for the Centhral +Park on the Sunday." + +"And how much do I owe you for all this?" asked Mr. P. + +"Well, sir," said the man, "I won't charge your honor nothin' for the +feed and my victuals, for I'd had to have found them if yer hadn't a +hired me; and I'll only charge ye three dollars a hour, for sure yer +honor never give me the least thruble, slapeing there as swate as an +infant all the time, and that'll be jist two hundred and four dollars, +and if yet honor could give me a thrifle besides to drink yer health, +I'd be obliged to yer honor." + +Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, and the +rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars and +twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and declared +his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about forty miles +away, and taking the railroad for New York + +"If I don't, ye see, yer honor, I'll never get back in time for the +Sunday; and the horses will be restin' in the cars." + +As the man made his preparations and departed, Mr. P. stood and watched +him until he slowly faded out of sight. + +When he had entirely disappeared, Mr. P. sat down upon the rock and +reflected. Now that he was here, what had he best do? He had never seen +the rock before, and as it struck him that possibly some of his patrons +might be in the same unfortunate condition, he concluded that he would +take a few sketches of it for their benefit. But he did not succeed very +well. The first drawing he made had a strange appearance. It looked more +like an old woman tied to a post, and surrounded by what seemed to be +flames, than anything else. This surely was not a correct view of this +famous rock, and so Mr. P. commenced another sketch. This, however, +looked so much like a man with a broad-brimmed hat, hanging by his neck +to a rope, that he concluded to try again. + +His next sketch bore a striking resemblance to something that certainly +did not seem like a rock, but which, after some deliberation, he found +to look very much like a shrinking Southern negro, forced into the ranks +to supply the place of a citizen of Massachusetts. Everybody might not +be able to see this, but Mr. P. thought he perceived it plainly. + +The last sketch made by Mr. P. somewhat resembled one whose connection +with "The Plymouth Rock" has certainly been of more practical benefit to +the public than that of any of the " old founders," or anybody else--at +least so far as Mr. P. can see. If any one doubts this, let him ask +General GRANT. + +Now should his readers see anything at all suggestive of sober and +beneficial reflection in these sketches, Mr. P.'s visit to Plymouth Rock +was not made in vain. + + * * * * * + +A LETTER FROM L. N. + +DEAR PUNCHINELLO: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time hence, it +should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of writing this +letter, you will please understand that I wasn't there, at that moment, +having had a little business to transact with my good friend WILLIAMS, +of PRUSSIA. I am at present engaged upon a tour of the German States in +the company of a pleasant little excursion party, who met me at Sedan, +and received me warmly. + +Everybody seems glad to greet me, particularly at this time, and all +express regrets that I couldn't have come earlier in the season. They +are aware of the interest I have ever felt in the great German people, +and I am assured they welcome with enthusiasm my pet theory of the +solidarity of nations. + +I intend remaining here awhile, feeling sure that there is nothing to +call me homeward for the present. The truth is, my friend, I am getting +weaned of the French people. So soon as my obligations to my very good +friends in Prussia will permit, you may look for me in New York. Yes, +dear PUNCHINELLO, greatest and beet of Philosophers! expect to see me +walking into your Sanctum one of these fine mornings,--probably with my +son LOUIS,--delighted to see you, and glad to turn my back on those +scenes so long familiar, which, in their new and popular dress, could +hardly be expected to afford me much exhilaration. + +From an inferior man, I should expect officious and quite gratuitous +commiseration over the fate of the late Empire. You, however, will +readily perceive it to be possible that I should rather be +congratulated. You would not exchange your dignified leisure, your +careless toils, for the best of sovereignties. Why, then, should I, who +have made you my exemplar, feel a pang at parting with a sceptre which +for years has only tired my hand? + +I picture myself seated with my family on the heights at Weehawken, +smoking a good cigarette, and musing on the affairs of nations as I +watch the flow of that superb river (as much finer than the Rhine, my +friend, as wine is finer than lagerbier!) which I have often, in days +gone by, admired and extolled by the hour. + +I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son the Prince +of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the Inevitable. + +And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable that I was +always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable Prussian. But I +have faced much more terrible things. In your very city of Hoboken, I +have stood face to face with a German creditor! Will any one henceforth +doubt my fortitude? + +I have one rather comforting reflection, apropos to that _rencontre._ I +have taken care to arm myself against future assaults of that nature. I +am Gold-Plated. + +If your highly-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict me in a +connection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make a sketch +entitled: "The Two Exiles,"--one of whom may be,my Uncle at St. Helena; +the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of wine at my +side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PUNCHINELLO in the other! + +But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the (d)evil +thereof. + +Royally yours, + +L. N. + + * * * * * + +Maxim for the next new President. + +"A place for everybody, and everybody in his place." + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: ON COLOR. + +_Cousin Bella, (admiring picture.)_ "HOW IS IT, FRED, THAT YOU PRODUCE +SUCH LOVELY COLOR, AND WITH SO MUCH FACILITY?" + +_Fred, (thinking of his meerschaum.)_ "I DON'T TELL EVERYBODY THAT, YOU +INQUISITIVE TEASE, BUT FACT IS, I PUT THE STUMP OF AN OLD PAINT-BRUSH IN +THE BOWL, AND SMOKE THE OILIEST TOBACCO I CAN FIND."] + + * * * * * + +THE BATTLE AT SEDAN. + +Special Correspondence of Punchinello. + +(This paper is the only paper on the planet which has a correspondent at +the seat of war, wherever that seat may be. The following dispatch was +sent to us by cable at a total expense of $21,000.) + +It was a still, calm night, the glorious moon was sailing through the +sky; the river was running water; the clouds were cloudy; the soldiers +were soldiering. I stepped out of my tent and tumbled over VON MOLTKE. +He took my arm and invited me to the tent of the Crown Prince. + +"MOLTY," said I, "what's your little game?" + +"Penny ante," replied he. + +"_Trés bien,_" added I. + +"You are a French spy. Ha! ha!" said he, grasping my collar. "Ho! Ho!" + +"_Das ish goot,_" added I. + +"Then you're Dutch," sighed he, dropping me like a hot pair of tongs. + +In the tent we found the King, the Crown Prince, Gen. STEINMETZ, Gen. +SHERIDAN, and Gen. FORSYTH. + +"MOLTY," said I, "introduce me to the King." + +"BILL," said he, "this is JENKINS." + +BILL held out his foot and I took a suck at his great toe. + +Then we went at the game. BILL is pretty good at it, but then he doesn't +stand any chance beside MOLTY. The Crown Prince lost at least fourteen +cents, and, just as he had a splendid opportunity to retrieve his +losses, in came an aide, who announced that the French had squatted. + +"Where?" cried VON MOLTKE. + +"In Sedan," replied the aide. + +"I knew it," said MOLTY. "BILL, I told you they had no horses for a +regular carriage." + +Then we went out. The King invited me to sit in his carriage with MOLTY +and SHERIDAN. We reached the scene of war. + +The moon shone; the mountains were mountainous; the trees were treey; +and the soft September breeze was breezy. BISMARCK came up and asked the +King to let him cut behind. + +"BIS," said I, "take my seat; I'll take a trip to the French camp." + +So I tripped over to the French camp and found things somewhat mixed. +The moon shone. Steadily the Prussian troops advanced; and, with a +heroism worthy of a better cause, the French retreated. The Emperor +wanted to die in the rear of his men. + +"NAP," said I, "you'd better get up and get. The Prussians are coming." + +"JENKINS," said he, "kiss me for my mother, I'm betrayed." + +"Why didn't you have more cheesepots?" said I. + +"I'll surrender," said he, "get out a white flag." + +So I took one of EUGENIE'S old pocket-handkerchiefs which I found in the +tent, stuck it on the end of the sabre of the nephew of his uncle, put +NAP in the carriage, jumped in myself and drove to the Prussian camp. +The moon shone; all nature smiled; the rivers were rivery; the Sedans +were chairy. + +BILL received us very coolly at first, but I gave BIS the wink, and he +suggested to his Majesty that he'd better take the Emperor prisoner. + +"NAP," said BILL, "is the game up?" + +"BILL," said NAP, "you've scored the game. I leave my old clothes to the +Regent. I hope she'll like the breeches." + +Then he treated to cigarettes, and we all went back to our game of penny +ante. NAP wouldn't join us. He said he'd just been playing a game with +crowns ante and he was busted. We'd hardly got the cards dealt, when +BILL turned to BISMARCK and asked, "I say, BIS, won't you run over and +telegraph to the old woman something about our FRITZ?" + +"Let JENKINS go," said BIS. + +Of course I assented to the proposition. + +"Where the devil is FRITZ?" said BILL. + +"Oh, he's been sleeping for the last two hours," said MOLTKE. + +"Never mind," said BILL, "telegraph a victory by FRITZ." + +So I telegraphed, + +"A great victory has been won by our FRITZ. What great things have we +done for ourselves! We'll keep it up, old woman, + +(Signed) BILL." + +When I reached the tent everybody was asleep. NAP was reclining +gracefully on the breast of BISMARCK, as affectionately as if they were +brothers-in-law. The moon shone; the sky was skyey; the hills were +hilly; and all nature was getting up. + +Anybody who says the above did not come over the cable lies, wickedly, +maliciously lies, with intent to deceive. As soon as JACK SMITH'S smack +sails, I'll send you a piece of the cable it came over. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: Mr. Bull: The Sutler of the World] + + * * * * * + +HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM + +He Reviews the Career of a Lunatic. -- A Graduate with Nice Ideas. + +KING WILYAM, Most noble Loonatic: + +_We gates all der while!_ Accordin' to the Marine Cable, I understand +you've given old BONEY a _slosh on der cope mit der Sweitzer case;_ or +in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON has taken his Umpire, +and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit of Judge or Jewry. + +I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the Umpire +tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in his +panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his +nabors. + +I've allers heard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the French say +you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, "Be be Jost or Gobler damed," +to cote from our friend BILLY SHAKESPEER. + +We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, mor'en +once. + +If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can wallop his +wife to his heart's content; and if anybody interferes, he can popp him +off with a six shooter, and the law will stand to his back. + +Judges and Jewrys, when tryin' such a man, think he is sum punkins, +while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated Loonatic's +fotograf onto their first page. + +I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the melon-colic, (this +bein' the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of the _pro temper_ +kind? + +I shoulden't wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited it from +your illustrous Antsister, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about as sassy a +Loonatic as you can pick up. + +What _we_ need just now, and what _we_ have needed for a good while, is +a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as minister. + +With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them 'ere little Alabarmy claims +would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this court knows +herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent off howlin', +with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage. + +You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics. Yes, sir! they are the +"Coming man," the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers can't hold a +candle to 'em. + +When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if they'd bust +their biler tryin', then he is sot down as bein' crazy as a loon by his +jelous nabors. + +I haven't heard whether BISMARK'S or FRITZ'S upper storys were shaky, or +not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but what both of +these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FRANCIS TRAIN any day; and +that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin' tragic attitoods, +and repeatin' the follerin well known verses: + + "I am not mad! + I am not mad! + But only on my mussle. + Old NAP'd been glad + If he and King dad + Had never got into a tussle." + +My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose son was so +_bully_ at pickin' up _bullocks,_ is to congratulate you. + +Speakin' after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. Havin' +served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can rely on +my giving a good sound opinion, from which there haint no repeal to a +higher court. + +What do you think of my startin' a college here for the purpus of +edicatin' Loonatics? + +We've got 3 colliges here, Harvard, 'Ale, and the Electoral College, and +a skalier lot of week-kneed timber than these institutions sometimes +turns out, would make you stick to your stomack to look at. + +Stugents are turned out from these asilums with pooty ristocratick idees +into their nozzles. + +I once knew a chap who was a gradooate of one of these institutions of +larning, + +He was more ristocratick than a retired church deekin'. + +When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the funeral, so +he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the corpse to +wear, doorin' the funeral services. + +Thinks I, that was shovin' a good thing rather too deep in the ground, +merely for the sake of pilin' on the agony. + +However, that's the way of the world; larnin' will stick out, and you +can't atop her. + +That son of your'n, FRITZ, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer. + +If he haint in that precarious situation which SARY F. NORTON calls +"mummery," and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good honest +folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he mite go +further and fare a site wusser, than to come over here and examine my +stock of risin' feminine genders. + +Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who understands her biz +as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her gals won't be troubled +to death by keepin' a cook to boss 'em around. + +Doorin' the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin' in the +sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, MARIAR'S +biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal to the way +a big dinner at DELMONICO'S, N.Y., will flop over a New York Alderman. + +The surest way of gettin' round a public man, is via his stomack. + + Like ALADIN'S lamp, you can + By merely givin' a rub, + Bring around most any man, + By fillin' him up with grub. + +But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose quil, and +go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter let me speak +a word for your noble prisoner, L. NAPOLEON, Esq. + +Deal gently with him. + +Altho' he plade the wrong card when he pitched into you, recollect the +old maxum: + +"Never bute a feller when he is down." + +France is better, in a good many respects, for things LEWIS done for +'em. + +But he has gone to the shades, and SHAKSPEER aptly says: + + "The evil which men do, + Lives a darn site longer than + The evil they don't do." + +Which sentiment shode that old SHAKE was a hulsail dealer in human +nater. + +Hopin' that in the days of your prosperity, you wont forgit your poor +relations, sich as _mothers-in-law_ and the like, and when they come to +visit you, you wont say: + +"Nix cum arous," + +I will dry up. + +Ewers anon, + +HIRAM GREEN, Esq., + +_Lait Gustise of the Peece_ + + * * * * * + +THE LOVERS. + +In Different Moods and Tenses. + + SALLY SALTER, she was a young teacher, who taught, + And her friend, CHARLEY CHURCH, was a preacher, who praught; + Though his enemies called him a screecher, who scraught. + + His heart, when he saw her, kept sinking, and sunk, + And his eye, meeting hers, began winking, and wunk; + While she, in her turn, fell to thinking, and thunk. + + He hastened to woo her, and sweetly he wooed, + For his love grew until to a mountain it grewed, + And what he was longing to do, then he doed. + + In secret he wanted to speak, and he spoke, + To seek with his lips what his heart long had soke; + So he managed to let the truth leak, and it loke. + + He asked her to ride to the church, and they rode; + They so sweetly did glide, that they both thought they glode, + And they came to the place to be tied, and were tode. + + Then homeward he said let us drive, and they drove, + And soon as they wished to arrive, they arrove; + For whatever he couldn't contrive, she controve. + + The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole, + At the feet where he wanted to kneel, there he knole, + And he said, " I feel better than ever I fole." + + So they to each other kept clinging, and clung, + While Time his swift circuit was winging, and wung; + And this was the thing he was bringing, and brung. + + The man SALLY wanted to catch, and had caught-- + That she wanted from others to snatch, and had snaught-- + Was the one that she now liked to scratch, and she scraught + + And CHARLEY'S warm love began freezing, and froze, + While he took to teasing, and cruelly toze + The girl he had wished to be squeezing, and squoze. + + "Wretch!" he cried when she threatened to leave him, and left, + "How could you deceive me, as you have deceft?" + And she answered, "I promised to cleave, and I've cleft!" + +AMOS KEETER + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A PRETTY IDEA OF MR. VAN LITTLEDRAM: HE TAKES HIS +YOUNGSTER OUT FOR A SAIL, THUS, AND SAVES THE EXPENSE OF A BOAT.] + + * * * * * + +THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. + +CANTO VII. + + Tom, Tom the Pipers' son, + Stole a Pig, and away he run; + The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat. + And TOM went roaring down the street. + +The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great excitement in +the period in which it occurred, although at the present date it would +not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest ripple on the +glassy calm of our most, sleepy village. + +We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little peccadillo such as +the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a purse, unless it +contains a large amount, and was taken under the most aggravating +circumstances from ourselves. + +A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect hundreds of +people, or a midnight murder executed with the malignancy of a fiend, +will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even that soon +passes out of mind, and society settles back into its imperturbable +apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still further, and +becoming by degrees proof against being stirred by anything that does +not affect ourselves personally. + +Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the +astounding temerity of the Piper's son, in laying felonious hands on the +property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement second +only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later days. + +Poor TOM was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for although he was +the one who committed the crime, he was not the only one who reaped a +benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells us, he was the +only one who was punished therefor; so, while we blame him, let us shed +a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, the others the +eating. The scene is graphically described thusly-- + + "Tom, Tom the Piper's son, + Stole a pig, and away he run." + +Here we see Tom, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, listening +to the witching strains of his father's bagpipe, played by the +industrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, with +the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat that +both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its day +and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought to +bear upon it, TOM'S eyes, roving around from window to door, happen to +light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent +beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for +human rights. + +Alas! TOM is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the +fascinating pig, and he doesn't know how strong his principles are, nor +how far he will go to maintain them. + +He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, the desire +to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a +determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal +that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed +upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it as +a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it tightly +in his hands, and skedaddles. + +The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of piggy is +unnoticed till the red-headed urchin whose playmate it is looks around +for the loved companion, of his childish sports, and finds it not. Great +research, amid loud outcries, is made, resulting only in the conviction +that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace behind. + +TOM, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart swelling +with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the arms of his +maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the dainty prize. +Visions of a luscious supper float through the mind of the female +piperess, as she bestows her motherly benediction upon her thoughtful +son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned lesson of +cooking a sucking pig. + +Having accomplished the "First get your pig" part, the rest comes easy; +and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories are sainted +with an odor that startles him from his generally despondent mood, and +awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an unusual flavor from his +usually flavorless abode. He enters and finds a smiling wife and son, +with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. "What next occurred the Poet +tells us in the laconic words + + "The pig was eat." + +There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the fact was +enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, and this +happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They couldn't eat +them, and they didn't own a dog; so they picked them clean and threw +them away. But, "Murder will out," and the tiny bones told their own +tale. The village detective soon coupled the feet of the missing pig +with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the door of the +musician's abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to the +detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a pig's +bones--a stolen pig's bones, from the fact that the Piper did not earn +enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole the +sucking-pig? + +Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to have any +light-fingered proclivities. + +Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe and could +prove an alibi. + +There was no one left but TOM. Circumstances pointed him out: he loved +good eating and hated work, and had been noticed gazing upon the charms +of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. TOM was the thief, and +the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too uncertain and +expensive, TOM was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was resolved to +take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells us + + "TOM was beat." + +Undoubtedly TOM was glad when they got through, and although he + + "Went roaring down the street," + +it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his bacon. It +was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had no stomach +pumps in those days. + + * * * * * + +Scene.--A. City Restaurant. + +_Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast_.) "Anything more, +sir?" + +_Customer_. "H'm--well--yes; bring me an omelette souffle." + +_Waiter_. "Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessir." + +(_Exit, humming the popular tune_.) + + * * * * * + +Unintentionally Appropriate. + +The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and then +innocently requests the "False Reporting" _Tribune_ to copy it! + + * * * * * + +BY GEORGE! + +(_Continued_.) + +LAKE GEORGE, Sept 5. + +DEAR PUNCHINELLO:--In my last I promised to finish my trip on the Lake +and give you some reliable rumors about the "Rogers' Slide." + +I am prepared to do this to-day, in a happy and congratulatory frame of +mind. + +I have had breakfast this morning. + +When I say this I mean that I have had this morning's breakfast this +morning. + +Any one who has achieved so remarkable a success, at this place, can +safely plume himself on his patience and physical endurance. + +For instance, this morning, for the first time, I ordered broiled Spring +Chicken. + +The waiter gave me a disconsolate look and proceeded to gird up his +loins with a base ball belt. + +In a few moments he dashed past the window in hot pursuit of a fowl of +venerable appearance, but of a style of going that would have put to +shame any ostrich that Dr. LIVINGSTONE ever saw. + +I asked the head waiter if he called that a _Spring Chicken_? + +He said he guessed that chicken could out-Spring any chicken in the +place. + +This clears up another great hotel mystery. + +The man outflanked this gentle birdling on the eighth time round, in +6.23, which is considered very good indeed, and beats the time of the +late Harvard and Yale "Foul" considerably. + +I say "outflanked," because it is not the intention of these sunny +Amendments to put an end to these feathery Dexters immediately, but to +drive them into the ten-pin alley, where they are leisurely bowled to an +untimely end. As, however, pony balls are generally used, and there are +always half a dozen darkies standing around ready to bet that the +chicken won't be killed in forty balls, or sixty, as the case may be, +this part of the process is rather tedious to the guest + +Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not more than +nine or ten-pin feathers left. + +Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called "Sabbath Day Point," +in consequence of ABERCROMBIE having landed there on a Wednesday +morning. + +Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see the Point. + +A gentleman on board informed me that the water was so clear at this +place that one could "see objects when thirty feet from the bottom." + +I have thought and thought over this remark, but am unable to see what +one's distance from the bottom has to do with his "seeing objects." + +I give it up. + +On the opposite side of the Lake is a hill called "Sugar Loaf +Mountain"--because it is a sweet place for loafers, I suppose. + +Finally we passed "Rogers' Slide," which is a rocky precipice three +hundred feet high, sloping nearly perpendicularly into the water. A +decidedly unpleasant-looking place for cellar-door practice. + +There are a great many romantic traditions about this same ROGERS, who +is regarded by the simple natives as having been an altogether +high-minded and gorgeous character--the fact being that he was one of +those unmitigated old scamps who owe to the accident of having lived in +Revolutionary times, the distinction of being held up to the emulation +of primary schools as a "Patriot Hero." Literally he was simply an +"unmixed evil," fighting only to steal something, and devoting what time +and talent he could spare from his legitimate profession--which was +_seven-up_--to generally bedevilling and encroaching upon the +neighboring Indians. + +As an enchroachist he was immense. + +The noble red-skins alluded to finally concluded that enough was enough, +and appointed a Special Commission to put a permanent end to the +delicate attentions of the "Marked Back." + +This _sobriquet_ they conferred upon him partly on account of the fact +that he usually received his wounds while leaving their immediate +vicinity, and partly because of a peculiar characteristic of the kind of +cards he used. + +The Commissioners caught ROGERS out hunting, and chased him until he +came to this precipice, down which he slid into the Lake below, and, +unfortunately, escaped unharmed. + +The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his snow-shoes, +soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they concluded to +"let him slide." + +Hence the name. + +Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone over. +Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left produced +a profound impression on their untutored minds. + +They at once concluded that he was drowned, or had got "in with" some +bad spirits. + +It is obvious, however, to the most casual observer of the place, that +the reverse must have been the case. The bad spirits were in him. + +The mark worn by Mr. R's "cheviots" in his descent can still be +distinctly seen. + +About half way up is a shining object which is generally believed to be +a suspender button. + +This, however, is merely conjectural. + +The clerk of the boat, of whom I have spoken before, tells me that until +within a few years back, the hole in the water where ROGERS struck could +be seen. + +"But it is all gone now," he said, shaking his head sadly. "Nothing can +escape the Vandal horde of tourists and relic hunters. Piece by piece +they have carried the hole away, and there is no trace of it left now." + +And he "wept at my tranquillity." + +At the north end of the Lake we took stages for Fort Ticonderoga. These +vehicles were run by a man who was pointed out as a "character," which +means a sort of licensed nuisance. + +The monomania of this individual was speech making, and much reflection +inclines me to the belief that he is some unappreciated politician who +has invented a way of "taking it out" on the unhappy public as follows: + +He waits until his five immense stages arrive at some remote and +solitary part of the road, then draws them up in a semi-circle, mounts a +stump, and--on pretence of exhibiting the beauties of nature--proceeds +to harangue the helpless fares to the top of his very high bent, or +until one of the slumbering "outsides" creates a welcome diversion by +falling off and breaking his neck. + +We came to what was really a curiosity--two kinds of trees growing from +one trunk, which this concentration of bores, this _mitrailleuse_, in +fact, improved accordingly. + +"Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the _re_-markable and +_pe_-culiar works of a benign _Per_-rovidence. On the right you see the +sturdy and iron-hearted oak, while on the left you behold the modest and +_be_-utiful ellum. What Having has joined together let no man put +asunder--gerlang with yer hosses!" + +It must have been a Sunday-school Superintendent who invented excursions +to Fort Ty. + +It is not a place to Tye to. + +One old gentleman pointed to an underground hole and advised me to go +and look at the magazine. + +I went; but it is hardly necessary to say that I didn't find any, and, +on the whole, I was glad of it If people don't know any more than to +leave their _Galaxys_ and _Harper's_ lying around loose when travelling, +why, they deserve to have them stolen, that's all. + +I was sorry for the old gentleman, but if there is anything that +disgusts me, it is to meet people that ain't posted about things. + +As the steamer neared the Hotel, on our return, the departing sun was +flinging back his last good-night smile on the lovely scene below, and +the musical chime of the little church at Caldwell came stealing sweetly +over the bosom of the placid Lake. As its fairy-like sounds reached our +ears, a melancholy-looking man with long hair, who sat near, started, +smiled, and turning to me, said: + +"Did I ever tell you that story about SLUKER?" + +As I had never seen the party before, I replied that if he had I had +forgotten it. + +"SLUKER," he repeated, gazing absently at the distant spire; "SLUKER," +he reiterated, rubbing his nose abstractedly with the handle of his +umbrella; "SLUKER," he continued-- + +--in my next, my dear PUNCHINELLO, in my next. + + SAGINAW DODD. + +[_To be continued_.] + + * * * * * + +Sauce + +There can be no doubt that Grévy is in the right place, as a member of +the Provisional government of France. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: _Old Gent_. "Don't scatter water on my feet, man,--do you +suppose I want 'em to grow any bigger?"] + + * * * * * + +EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES. + +Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the +mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would +be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of +sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go +to the making up of an efficient "Hawkshaw." + +That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a +circumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had +been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of +counterfeiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations +immediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in +the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as +that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the +counterfeiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted +descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets +of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, +occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few +gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none +more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is duty--often +stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted +their Spitz-dog noses between the joints of the artists' doors, and, +having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic +malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and +paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile +den. + +Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, +although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipes--tobacco +being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone +great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work +was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic +malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil. Some of the officers +seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the +delinquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police +station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the +night. + +Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were +discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistake--or a joke--we +are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly interested do +not look upon it as a joke. + +Now it is a very clear case that the mistake in question--or joke--may +be traced to a deficiency of education on the part of these vigilant and +zealous detectives. Had they been properly cultivated in the various +branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have +occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt +its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been acknowledged by +them, and they would have backed out from the August Presence with +obsequious genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether +a course of lectures upon art should not henceforth be considered an +indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We +would not limit the proposed extension of their education, however, to +the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary +accession to the stock of the detectives' learning; and especially would +we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous +vegetables--such as beans. + + * * * * * + +Temporary Obscuration of the "Hub." + +Boston already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also +has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the +loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted +that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Commons. Early +in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Boston must fall +into insignificance and "feel small." On the second day of that month, +Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of +the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Common--all, +all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air +before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant +command. + + * * * * * + +Boy and Man. + +"Miss ANNIE P. LADD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor +and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace." + + To be a man and magistrate + 'Twas natural that ANNIE sighed, + Since she one phase of man's estate + Already as a LADD had tried. + + * * * * * + +A Nut for the Ladies' Club. + +Referring to the recent ladies' boat race at Harlem, a reporter says +that "the girls all rowed badly." This is a discouraging comment on the +frantic efforts now making by women to assume man's attributes, (not to +mention his other "butes" and the what-d'ye-call-'ems generally +associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the +comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. + + * * * * * + +NEW PUBLICATIONS. + +Among the numerous portraits of the late CHARLES DICKENS now before the +public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromograph +lately issued by PRANG & Co., of Boston and New York. It represents the +great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he +last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of +thought--rather as he might have appeared when meditating over some new +turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look +when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three +simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set +in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it +for placing on a wall. + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. Stewart & Co. | + | | + | Have just received several Cases | + | | + | PARIS MADE SILK AND POPLIN | + | | + | Street and Evening | + | | + | DRESSES, | + | | + | Two cases Cloth and Velvet Pattern | + | | + | Sacques, Cloaks, &c., | + | | + | An opening of | + | | + | HANDSOME TRIMMED HATS, | + | | + | Latest Paris Style. Also, | + | | + | Children's and Misses' Undergarments, | + | Infants' Outfits, etc., etc. | + | | + | Several Cases Real India | + | Camel's-Hair Shawls, | + | | + | At unusually attractive prices. | + | | + | Embroideries, Laces, Real Lace and LLama | + | Pointes, Dresses, &c. | + | | + | WEDDING TROUSSEAUX. | + | | + | The above forms only a very small portion of their | + | Large and Attractive Stock of | + | | + | ELEGANT GOODS, | + | | + | Imported and Domestic Made. | + | | + | Offered at | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. Stewart & Co. | + | | + | Offer the largest, richest, and cheapest stock of | + | | + | DRESS GOODS, | + | | + | That has ever been Offered in this City, | + | | + | Comprising many Novelties in | + | | + | Poplins, Armures Cloths, Epinglines, Extra | + | | + | Quality Merinos, Ladies' Cloths, &c., &c. | + | | + | A Large Line of | + | | + | DOMESTIC SHIRTINGS, SHEETINGS, | + | BLANKETS, FLANNELS, | + | | + | And every Variety of | + | | + | HOUSEKEEPING GOODS. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS | + | | + | IN | + | CARPETS. | + | | + | Five Frame | + | ENGLISH BRUSSELS, | + | Reduced to $1.75 per yard. | + | | + | 200 Pieces Five-Frame | + | | + | English Brussels, | + | | + | Greater part Confined Styles, Reduced to $2 per yard. | + | | + | Very Best Quality | + | | + | ENGLISH TAPESTRY BRUSSELS | + | | + | $1.30 per yard. | + | | + | FRENCH MOQUETTES | + | | + | AND | + | | + | AXMINSTERS, | + | | + | $3.50 and $4 per yard. | + | | + | ROYAL WILTONS, | + | | + | Best Quality, $2.50 and $3 per yard. | + | | + | CROSSLEY'S VELVETS, | + | | + | Choice Designs, $2.50 per yard. | + | | + | Superfine Ingrains, 3-Plys. | + | | + | English and Domestic | + | | + | OILCLOTHS, RUGS, | + | | + | MATS, ETC., | + | | + | At Extremely Low Prices. | + | | + | A. T. STEWART & CO. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical | + | Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The | + | Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the | + | Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever | + | published in America. | + | | + | CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. | + | | + | Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) $4.00 | + | " " six months, (without premium,) 2.00 | + | " " three months, " " 1.00 | + | Single copies mailed free, for .10 | + | | + | We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO'S | + | CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year, and | + | | + | "The Awakening," (a Litter of Puppies.) Half chromo. | + | Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,)--for $4.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $3.00 chromos: | + | | + | Wild Roses. 12-1/8 x 9. | + | Dead Game. 11-1/8 x 8-5/8. | + | Easter Morning. 6-3/4 x 10-1/4--for $5.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $5.00 chromos: | + | | + | Group of Chickens; | + | Group of Ducklings; | + | Group of Quails. Each 10 x 12-1/8. | + | The Poultry Yard. 10-1/8 x 14. | + | The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9-3/4 x 13. | + | Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10 x 12--for $6.50 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $6.00 chromos: | + | | + | The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two | + | Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13 x 16-3/4. | + | Spring; Summer: Autumn; 12-7/8 x 16-1/8. | + | The Kid's Play Ground. ll x 17-1/2--for $7.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $7.50 chromos | + | | + | Strawberries and Baskets. | + | Cherries and Baskets. | + | Currants. Each 13 x 18. | + | Horses in a Storm. 22-1/4 x 15-1/4. | + | Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9-1/8 x 4-1/2--for $8.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and Six American Landscapes. | + | (A set.) 4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00--for $9.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $10 chromos: | + | | + | Sunset in California. (Bierstadt) 18-1/8 x 12 | + | Easter Morning. 14 x 21. | + | Corregio's Magdalen. 12-1/2 x 16-3/8. | + | Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) | + | 15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), | + | for $10.00 | + | | + | Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank | + | Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be | + | sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not | + | otherwise ordered. | + | | + | Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, | + | twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in | + | advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of | + | money. | + | | + | CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be | + | given. For special terms address the Company. | + | | + | The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of | + | seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A | + | specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or | + | getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | P.O. Box 2783. | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +[Illustration: FEEDING SPARROWS. + +A HINT TO A CERTAIN CLASS OF "HUMANITARIANS"] + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | "The Printing House of the United States." | + | | + | GEO. F. NESBITT & CO., | + | | + | General JOB PRINTERS, | + | BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, | + | STATIONERS. Wholesale and Retail. | + | LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers. | + | COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers, | + | ENVELOPE Manufacturers, | + | FINE CUT and COLOR Printers. | + | | + | 163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., | + | 73, 75, 77, and 79 FINE ST., New York. | + | | + | ADVANTAGES.--All at the same premises, and under | + | immediate supervision of the proprietors. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Tourists and Pleasure Travelers | + | | + | will be glad to learn that that the Erie Railway Company has | + | prepared | + | | + | COMBINATION EXCURSION or Round Trip Tickets, | + | | + | Valid during the the entire season, and embracing | + | Ithaca--headwaters of Cayuga Lake--Niagara Falls, Lake | + | Ontario, the River St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake | + | Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, the White Mountains, and | + | all principal points of interest in Northern New York, the | + | Canadas, and New England. Also similar Tickets at reduced | + | rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit | + | the celebrated Iron Mountains and Copper Mines of that | + | region. By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., | + | Nos. 241, 529, and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 33 | + | Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 | + | Fulton St., Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and | + | foot of 23rd St., New York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long | + | Dock Depot, Jersey City, and the Agents at the principal | + | hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as | + | well as all the necessary information. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," "Water-Lilies," | + | "Chas. Dickens." | + | | + | PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the world. | + | | + | PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp. | + | | + | L. PRANG & CO., Boston. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | With a large and varied experience in the management and | + | publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and | + | with the still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital | + | to justify the undertaking, the | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. | + | | + | OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK, | + | | + | Presents to the public for approval, the new | + | | + | ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL | + | | + | WEEKLY PAPER, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO, | + | | + | The first number of which was issued under date of April 2. | + | | + | ORIGINAL ARTICLES, | + | | + | Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive | + | ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the | + | day, are always acceptable and will be paid for liberally. | + | Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage | + | stamps are included. | + | | + | TERMS: | + | | + | One copy, per year, in advance ...................... $4.00 | + | | + | Single copies ........................................ .10 | + | | + | A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten | + | cents. | + | | + | One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine | + | or paper, price, $2.50, for................... $5.50 | + | | + | One copy, with any magazine of paper, price $4, for $7.00 | + | | + | | + | All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, | + | | + | P. O. Box, 2783, NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. | + | | + | The New Burlesque Serial, | + | | + | Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO, | + | | + | BY | + | | + | OEPHEUS C. KERR, | + | | + | Commenced in No. 11, will be continued weekly throughout the | + | year. | + | | + | A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom friend, | + | with superb illustrations of | + | | + | 1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, | + | TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY | + | | + | 2D. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE, taken | + | as he appears "Every Saturday," will also be found in the | + | same number. | + | | + | Single Copies, for Sale by all newsmen, (or mailed from this | + | office, free,) Ten Cents. Subscription for One Year, one | + | copy, with $2 Chromo Premium, $4. | + | | + | Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this new | + | serial, which promises to be the best ever written by | + | ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular | + | receipt weekly. | + | | + | We will send the first Ten Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to any one | + | who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on the | + | receipt of SIXTY CENTS. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | + | | + | P. O. Box 2783. 83 Nassau St., New York | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +GEO. W. WHEAT & CO, PRINTERS, No. 8 SPRUCE STREET. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 27, October +1, 1870, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 2, NO. 27 *** + +***** This file should be named 10035-8.txt or 10035-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/0/3/10035/ + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, +Steve Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS," WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Each eBook is in a subdirectory of the same number as the eBook's +eBook number, often in several formats including plain vanilla ASCII, +compressed (zipped), HTML and others. + +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks replace the old file and take over +the old filename and etext number. The replaced older file is renamed. +VERSIONS based on separate sources are treated as new eBooks receiving +new filenames and etext numbers. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + +EBooks posted prior to November 2003, with eBook numbers BELOW #10000, +are filed in directories based on their release date. If you want to +download any of these eBooks directly, rather than using the regular +search system you may utilize the following addresses and just +download by the etext year. + + http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext06 + + (Or /etext 05, 04, 03, 02, 01, 00, 99, + 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90) + +EBooks posted since November 2003, with etext numbers OVER #10000, are +filed in a different way. The year of a release date is no longer part +of the directory path. The path is based on the etext number (which is +identical to the filename). The path to the file is made up of single +digits corresponding to all but the last digit in the filename. For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: + https://www.gutenberg.org/GUTINDEX.ALL + + diff --git a/old/10035-8.zip b/old/10035-8.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..656bea6 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-8.zip diff --git a/old/10035-h.zip b/old/10035-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..7dcf9bf --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h.zip diff --git a/old/10035-h/10035-h.htm b/old/10035-h/10035-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5412269 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/10035-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2550 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> + <meta content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" + http-equiv="Content-Type"> + <title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of PUNCHINELLO Vol. 2, No. 27.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + * { font-family: Times;} + HR { width: 33%; } + // --> + </style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: November 10, 2003 [EBook #10035] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 2, NO. 27 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + + + + + +</pre> + +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" align="center" border="1" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;"><big>CONANT'S</big><br> + </span></p> + <p>PATENT BINDERS FOR</p> + <p> <big><big><b>"PUNCHINELLO",</b></big></big></p> + <p>to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent post-paid, on +receipt of One Dollar,</p> + <p> by</p> + <p><b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,<br> + </b></p> + <p><b>83 Nassau Street, New York City.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p>We will Mail Free</p> + <p><small>A COVER</small><br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Lettered & Stamped,</span><br + style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">with New Title Page<br> + <br> + </span> <small>FOR BINDING<br> + <br> + </small> <b>FIRST VOLUME,</b></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">On Receipt of 50 Cents,</p> + <p><small>OR THE</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">TITLE PAGE ALONE, FREE,</p> + <p><small>On application to</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</p> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">83 Nassau Street.</span> </center> + </td> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>STEEL PENS.</big></big></big></p> + <p>These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and cheaper +than any other Pen in the market. Special attention is called to the +following grades, as being better suited for business purposes than any +Pen manufactured. The</p> + <p><b>"505," "22,"</b> and the <b>"Anti-Corrosive."</b></p> + <p>We recommend for bank and office use.</p> + <p><b>D. APPLETON & CO.,</b> <b><br> +Sole Agents for United States.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" align="center" border="0" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <center> <br> + <br> + <img alt="" src="images/01.jpg"><br> + <h1>PUNCHINELLO</h1> + <h2>Vol. II. No. 27.</h2> + <p>SATURDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1870.</p> + <br> + <h3>PUBLISHED BY THE</h3> + <br> + <h3>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</h3> + <br> + <br> + <h4>83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.</h4> + </center> + <br> + <br> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small>THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD, By ORPHEUS C. KERR, +Continued in this Number.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small>See 15th page for Extra Premiums.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<br> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" border="1" + style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="width: 30%;" rowspan="8"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>Bound Volume<br> + </big></big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>No. 1.</big><br> + </big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><br> + </big></big></p> + <p><small>The first volume of PUNCHINELLO, ending with No. 26, +September 24, 1870,<br> + <br> + </small></p> + <p><b><big><big>Bound in Fine Cloth,</big></big><br> + </b></p> + <p><b><br> + </b></p> + <p><small>will be ready for delivery on Oct. 1, 1870.</small></p> + <p><b>PRICE $2.50.</b></p> + <p>Sent postpaid to any part of the United States on receipt of +price.</p> + <br> + <p>A copy of the paper for one year, from October 1st, No. 27, +and the Bound Volume (the latter prepaid,) will be sent to any +subscriber for $5.50.</p> + <br> + <p>Three copies for one year, and three Bound Volumes, with an +extra copy of Bound Volume, to any person sending us three +subscriptions for $16.50.</p> + <p><b>One copy of paper for one year, with a fine chromo premium, +for------ $4.00<br> + <br> + </b></p> + <p><b>Single copies, mailed free .10<br> + <br> + </b></p> + <p>Back numbers can always be supplied, as the paper is +electrotyped.</p> + <p><br> +Book canvassers will find<br> +this volume a</p> + <p><b>Very Saleable Book.</b></p> + <p>Orders supplied at a very liberal discount.</p> + <p>All remittances should be made in</p> + <p>Post Office orders.</p> + <p>Canvassers wanted for the paper,</p> + <p>everywhere.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Address,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Punchinello Publishing Co.,</big></p> + <p><big>83 NASSAU ST.,<br> + </big></p> + <p><big>N. Y.</big></p> + <p><big>P.O. Box No, 2783.</big></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small style="font-weight: normal;">APPLICATIONS FOR +ADVERTISING IN</small><br> + <big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>"PUNCHINELLO"</big></big><br> + <small>SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO</small></p> + <p><big>JOHN NICKINSON,</big></p> + <p><small>ROOM No. 4,<br> +No. 83 Nassau Street, N. Y.</small></p> + </td> + <td rowspan="2" align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>FORST & AVERELL</big></big></p> + <p>Steam, Lithograph, and Letter Press</p> + <p><big><big>PRINTERS,<br> + <br> + </big></big> <span style="font-weight: bold;">EMBOSSERS, +ENGRAVERS, AND LABEL MANUFACTURERS.</span></p> + <p><small>Sketches and Estimates furnished upon application.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><b>23 Platt Street, and 20-22 Gold +Street,<br> + <br> + </b> NEW YORK.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">[P.O. BOX 2845.]</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;"> + <p><b>TO NEWS-DEALERS.</b><br> + <big><b>Punchinello's Monthly.</b></big><br> + <small>The Weekly Numbers for August,</small><br> + <b>Bound in a Handsome Cover,</b><br> +Is now ready. Price, Fifty Cents.</p> + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">THE TRADE</span><br> +Supplied by the<br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY,</span><br> + <small>Who are now prepared to receive Orders.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><big><b>WEVILL & HAMMAR</b>,<br> + <big>Wood Engravers,</big></big><br> + <b>208 Broadway</b>,<br> +NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>FOLEY'S<br> + <big>GOLD PENS.</big></big></big><br> + <span style="font-weight: normal;">THE BEST AND CHEAPEST.</span><br> +256 BROADWAY.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center; width: 33%;"> + <p><big>Bowling Green Savings-Bank<br> + </big><br> +33 BROADWAY,</p> + <p><br> + <b>NEW YORK</b>.</p> + <p>Open Every Day from<br> +10 A.M. to 3 P.M.</p> + <p><small><i>Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents<br> +to Ten Thousand Dollars will be received</i>.</small></p> + <p><b>Six per Cent interest,<br> +Free of Government Tax</b></p> + <p><small>INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS<br> +Commences on the First of every Month.</small></p> + <p>HENRY SMITH, <i>President<br> + <br> + </i> REEVES E. SELMES, <i>Secretary</i>.</p> + <p>WALTER ROCHE,<br> +EDWARD HOGAN, <i>Vice-Presidents</i>.</p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>The only Journal of its kind +in America!!</small></p> + <p><big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">The American +Chemist:</span></big></big><br> + <small>A MONTHLY JOURNAL OF</small><br> + <small><span style="font-weight: bold;">THEORETICAL, ANALYTICAL<br> +AND TECHNICAL CHEMISTRY</span></small><br> + <small>DEVOTED ESPECIALLY TO AMERICAN INTERESTS.</small><br> +EDITED BY<br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Chas. F. Chandler, Ph. D., & +W. H. Chandler.</span></p> + <p><small><small>The Proprietors and publishers of THE AMERICAN +CHEMIST, having purchased the subscription list and stock of the +American reprint of THE CHEMICAL NEWS, have decided to advance the +interests of American Chemical Science by the publication of a Journal +which shall be a medium of communication for all practical, thinking +experimenting, and manufacturing scientific men throughout the country.</small></small></p> + <p><small><small>The columns of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST are open for +the reception of original articles from any part of the country, +subject to approval of the editor. Letters of inquiry on any points of +interest within the scope of the Journal will receive prompt attention.</small></small></p> + <p><b>THE AMERICAN CHEMIST</b></p> + <p>Is a Journal of especial interest to</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>SCHOOLS AND MEN OF SCIENCE, +TO COLLEGES, APOTHECARIES, DRUGGISTS, PHYSICIANS ASSAYERS, DYERS, +PHOTOGRAPHERS, MANUFACTURERS,</small></p> + <p>And all concerned in scientific pursuits.</p> + <p><b>Subscription, $5.00 per annum, in advance; 50 cts. per +number. Specimen copies, 25 cts.</b></p> + <p>Address WILLIAM BALDWIN & CO.,<br> +Publishers and Proprietors.<br> +434 Broome Street, New York.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td rowspan="3" align="center"> + <p><small>A NEW AND MUCH-NEEDED BOOK.</small></p> + <p><b>MATERNITY</b><br> +A POPULAR TREATISE<br> +For Young Wives and Mothers</p> + <p><b>BY T. S. VERDI, A. M., M. D., OF WASHINGTON, D. C.</b></p> + <p><small>Dr. VERDI is a well-known and successful Homoeopathic +Practitioner, of thorough scientific training and large experience. His +book has arisen from a want felt in his own practice, as a Monitor to +Young Wives, a Guide to Young Mothers, and an assistant to the family +physician. It deals skilfully, sensibly, and delicately with the +perplexities of early married life, as connected with the holy duties +of Maternity, giving information which women must have, either in +conversation with physicians, or from such a source as this—evidently +the preferable mode of learning, for a delicate and sensitive woman. +Plain and intelligible, but without offense to the most fastidious +taste, the style of this book must commend it to careful perusal. It +treats of the needs, dangers, and alleviations of the time of travail; +and gives extended detailed instructions for the care and medical +treatment of infants and children throughout all the perils of early +life.</small></p> + <p><small>As a Mother's Manual, it will hare a large sale, and as +a book of special and reliable information on very important topics, it +will be heartily welcomed.</small></p> + <p><small>Handsomely printed on laid paper: bevelled boards, +extra English cloth, 12mo., 450 pages. Price $2.25.</small></p> + <p><small><i>For sale by all Booksellers, or will be sent +post-paid on receipt of the price by</i></small></p> + <p><b>J. B. FORD & CO., Publishers, 39 Park Row, New York.</b></p> + </td> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">J. NICKINSON</p> + <p>begs to announce to the friends of</p> + <p><b>"PUNCHINELLO,"</b></p> + <p><small>residing in the country, that, for their convenience, +he has made arrangements by which, on receipt of the price of</small></p> + <p><b>ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED,</b></p> + <p><small>the same will be forwarded, postage paid.</small></p> + <p><small>Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our Publishing +Houses, can have the same forwarded by inclosing two stamps.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">OFFICE OF</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</p> + <p>83 Nassau Street.</p> + <p>[P.O. Box 2783.]</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><big><b>HENRY L. STEPHENS</b>,</big></p> + <p><b>ARTIST</b>,</p> + <p><b>No. 160 FULTON STREET</b>,</p> + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><b>GEO. B. BOWLEND</b>,</p> + <p><big><big>Draughtsman & Designer</big></big></p> + <p><b>No. 160 Fulton Street</b>,</p> + <p>Room No. 11,</p> + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table align="center" width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> + <p><small>Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year +1870, by the PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,<br> +in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States, for +the Southern District of New York.</small></p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img alt="PREFACE" src="images/03.jpg"> </center> + <p>"HALF a year, half a year, half a year onward," has +PUNCHINELLO advanced since he wafted his first number to the four +quarters of the globe.</p> + <p>His road has not been a very easy one to travel.</p> + <p>Bad characters lurked behind the fences, from which they would +sometimes take a sneak shot at the Showman as he passed. These fellows +were awfully bad shots, though, never so much as hitting the van in +which the show travels. PUNCHINELLO'S return fire always set the scamps +a-scampering, and all they had for their pains was the loss of their +ammunition, and the discovery that the row kicked up by them had +attracted crowds of people to the spot, so that PUNCHINELLO'S show was +capitally advertised by their noise.</p> + <p>PUNCHINELLO'S First Volume, then, is a substantial fact. It is +an entirely new, original, and complete article, which no family should +be without.</p> + <p>Read what the New York <i>Moon that Shines for All</i> says +about it:</p> + <p>"Put a head on yourself by reading PUNCHINELLO, Vol. 1. It is +by far the best tonic bitters in the market. It cured the editor of +this paper of a very malignant attack, (made by himself on +PUNCHINELLO,) after three applications."</p> + <p>Several gentle critics predicted an early death for +PUNCHINELLO on account of the buff color selected by him for his full +dress costume. Ha! ha! gentlemen, many a blow falls harmless on the +wearer of a buff-jerkin. As the old poet, whose name we have forgotten, +might have said, had he been in the humor—"He who will cuff it, Eke +should buff it,"—a maxim to which PUNCHINELLO gives his cordial +adhesion.</p> + <p>And now comes PUNCHINELLO to the beginning of his Second +Volume, encouraged by the success of his First.</p> + <p>If Vol. I of PUNCHINELLO was a <i>Chassepot</i>, (and it <i>did</i> +make some havoc in the ranks of the enemy,) Vol. II is intended to be a + <i>mitrailleuse</i>. It will be so arranged as to combine total +annihilation with bewitching music. For instance, by turning one of the +cranks by which it is worked, PUNCHINELLO will be able to project a +shower of such mortiferous missiles against all abettors of crime and +vice, all quacks, political and social, all corrupt officials, all +Congress, (except the Right Party,) all torpid fogies and peddlers of +red tape, all humbugs of every size and shape, in fact, as will +speedily reduce them to ashes. Then, by skilfully manipulating the +other crank, he can produce from it strains of such mellifluous harmony +that the very telegraph-poles will throng around him, as erstwhile did +the trees of the forest around ORPHEUS, and tender their services for +the transmission of his melting music to all the beautiful places on +Earth. It is hardly necessary to say that "Hail Columbia" is the very +first tune on the cylinder of PUNCHINELLO'S musical <i>mitrailleuse</i>.</p> + <p>With his mind's eye, (an apparatus expressly constructed for +and fitted to his mental organization by a renowned necromancer,) +PUNCHINELLO sees his Public surging towards him, and grasping with +outstretched hands at the showers of <i>bon bons</i> with which he +plentifully supplies them from an inexhaustible casket.</p> + <p>Among them are thousands of familiar forms, and these are +mostly in the front. After these come several thousands of new forms, +all pressing forward upon the heels of the others with an eagerness +that augurs for PUNCHINELLO Vol II a tremendous and unparalleled +success. Each of these good people carries four dollars ($4) in his +right hand, which he waves at PUNCHINELLO, who affably accepts the +greenbacks from him when within proper distance, and then, dipping his +pen in ink without a drop of gall in it, books the donor for a year's +subscription in advance.</p> + <p>As for party, PUNCHINELLO knows but one party—and that is the +Right Party. Stirring times are before us. The Right Party is not going +to lie down and sleep while the times are stirring. Nor is PUNCHINELLO. +When anything that interests the Right Party has got to be stirred, +PUNCHINELLO will be on hand. He has been so long used to starring it, +that he makes light of stirring it. He can stir with a red-hot poker +and he can stir with a feather,—"You pays your money and you takes your +choice."</p> + <p>And now, having stirred the spirit within him to a +demonstrative pitch, PUNCHINELLO shies his cocked hat into space, and +calls upon his Public to give three rousing cheers for the</p> + <p style="text-align: center;"><big><big><b>RIGHT PARTY.</b></big></big></p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <p><b>THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD.</b></p> + <p>AN ADAPTATION.</p> + <p>BY ORPHEUS C. KERR.</p> + <p>CHAPTER XX.</p> + <p>AN ESCAPE.</p> + <p>The bewildered Flowerpot had no sooner gained her own room, +enjoyed her agitated expression of face in the mirror, and tried four +differently colored ribbon-bows upon her collar in succession, than the +thought of becoming Mr. BUMSTEAD'S bride lost the charm of its first +wild novelty, and became utterly ridiculous. He was a man of commanding +stature, which his linen "duster" made appear still more long; the dark +circles around his eyes would disappear in time, and he had an abusive +way of referring to women which made him inexpressibly grand to women +as a true poet-soul; but would it be safe, would it be religiously +right, for a young girl, not yet conscious of her own full power of +annual monetary expenditure, to blindly risk her necessary expenses for +life upon one whom the cost of a single imported bonnet, in the +contingency of a General European War, might plunge into inextricable +pecuniary embarrassment? Possibly, the General European War might not +occur in an ordinary married-lifetime, as France was no longer in a +condition to menace England, Russia would be wary about provoking the +new Prussian giant, and Austria and Italy were not likely soon to +forget their last military misadventures; yet, while all the great +American journals had, for the last twenty years, published daily +editorials, by young writers from the country, to show that such a War +could not possibly be averted longer than about the day after tomorrow, +would it be judicious for a young girl to marry as though that War were +absolutely impossible? No! Her woman's heart sternly reiterated the +pitilessly negative; and, as the Ritualistic organist had plainly +evinced an earnest intention to let no foreign military complications +prevent her marriage with him, she felt that her only safety from his +matrimonial violence must be sought in flight.</p> + <p>With whom, though, could she take refuge? If she went to +MAGNOLIA PENDRAGON, all her dearest schoolmates would say, that they +had always loved her, despite her great faults, yet could not disguise +from themselves that she seemed at last to be fairly running after Miss +PENDRAGON'S brother. Besides, Mr. BUMSTEAD, offended by the seeming +want of confidence in him evinced by her flight, would, probably, take +measures publicly to identify MAGNOLIA'S alpaca garment with the +covering of his lost umbrella, and thus direct new suspicion against a +sister and brother already bothered almost into hysterics.</p> + <p>During the last few weeks, an attack of dyspepsia had laid the +foundation of a mind in the Flowerpot, as it generally does in other +young female American boarding-school thinkers, and she was now capable +of that subtle line of reasoning which is the great commendation of her +sex to a recognized perfect intellectual equality with man. Once +decided, by her apprehension of a General European War, against +marriage with J. BUMSTEAD, she took a rather irritable view of that too +attractive devotional musician, and inferred, from his not being +wealthy enough to stand the test of possible transatlantic hostilities, +that he must, himself, have killed EDWIN DROOD. His umbrella, it was +well known, had been present at that fatal Christmas dinner; and a +thoughtless insult offered to it, even by his nephew, might have made a +demon of him. Suppose that EDWIN, upon returning to the dining-room +that night, after his temporary exercise in the open air with +MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON, had found his uncle, flushed with cloves, +endeavoring to force a social glass of lemon tea upon the umbrella, +under the impression that it was a person, and had unthinkingly accused +him thereat of being momentarily unsettled in his faculties? Probably, +then, hot words would have passed between them; each telling the other +that he would have a nice headache in the morning and find it +impossible not to look very sleepy even if he fixed his hair ever so +elaborately. Blows might have followed: the uncle, in his anger, hewing +the nephew limb from limb with the carving knife from the table, and +subsequently carrying away the remains to the Pond and there casting +them in. Suppose, in his natural excitement, the uncle had hurriedly +used the umbrella, opened and held downward, to carry the remains in; +and, after coming home again, and snatching a nap under the table, had +forgotten all about it, and thus been ever since inconsolable for his +alpaca loss? As the young orphan argued thus exhaustively to herself, +the extreme probability of her suppositions made her more and more +frenzied to fly instantly beyond the reach of one who, in the event of +a General European War, would not be a husband whom her head could +approve.</p> + <p>After penning a hasty farewell note to Miss CAROWTHERS, to the +effect that urgent military reasons obliged her to see her guardian at +once, FLORA lost no time in packing a small leather satchel for travel. +Two bottles of hair oil, a jar of glycerine, one of cold cream, two +boxes of powder, a package of extra back-hair, a phial of belladonna, a +camel's-hair brush for the eyebrows, a rouge-saucer for pinking the +nails, four flasks of perfumery, a depilatory in a small flagon, and +some tooth paste, were the only articles she could pause to collect for +her precipitate escape; and, with them in the satchel on her arm, and a +bonnet and shawl hurriedly thrown on, she stole away down-stairs, and +thus from the house.</p> + <p>Hastening to the Roach House, from whence started an omnibus +for the ferry, she was quickly rattling out of Bumsteadville in a +vehicle remarkable for the great number and variety of noises it could +make when maddened into motion by a span of equine rivals in an +immemorial walking-match.</p> + <p>"Now, BONNER," she said to the driver, taking leave of him at +the ferry-boat, "be sure and let Miss CAROWTHERS know that you saw me +safely off, and that I was not a bit more tired than if I had walked +all the way."</p> + <p>Blushing with pleasure at the implied compliment to his +equipage from such lips, the skilled horseman had not the heart to +object to the wildly mutilated fragment of currency with which his fare +had been paid, and went back to where his steeds were taking turns in +holding each other up, as happy a man as ever lost money by the change +in woman.</p> + <p>Reaching the city, Miss POTTS was promptly worshiped by a +hackman of marked conversational powers, who, whip in hand, assured her +that his carriage was widely celebrated under the titles of the +"Rocking Chair," the "Old Shoe," and the "Glider," on account of its +incredible ease of motion; and that, owing to its exquisite +abbreviation of travel to the emotions, those who rode in it had +actually been known to dispute that they had ridden even half the +distance for which they were charged. Did he know where Mr. DIBBLE, the +lawyer, lived, in Nassau Street, near Fulton? If she meant lawyer +DIBBLE, near Fulton Street, in Nassau, next door but one to the second +house below, and directly opposite the building across the way, there +was just one span of buckskin horses in the city that could take a +carriage built expressly for ladies to that place, as naturally as +though it were a stable. It was a place that he—the hackman—always +associated with his own mother, because he was so familiar with it in +childhood, and had often thought of driving to it blindfolded for a +wager.</p> + <p>Proud to learn that her guardian was so well known in the +great city, and delighted that she had met a charioteer so minutely +familiar with his house of business, FLORA stepped readily into the +providential hack, which thereupon instantly began Rocking-Chair-ing, +Old-Shoe-ing, and Gliding. Any one of these celebrated processes, by +itself, might have been desirable; but their indiscriminate and +impetuous combination in the present case gave the Flowerpot a confused +impression that her whole ride was a startling series of incessant +sharp turns around obdurate street corners, and kept her plunging about +like an early young Protestant tossed in a Romish blanket. +Instinctively holding her satchel aloft, to save its fragile contents +from fracture, she rocked, shoed and glided all over the interior of +the vehicle, without hope of gaining breath enough for even one scream, +until, nearly unconscious, and, with her bonnet driven half-way into +her chignon, she was helped out by the hackman at her guardian's door.</p> + <p>"I am dying!" she groaned.</p> + <p>"Then please remember me in your will, to the extent of two +dollars," returned the hackman with much humor. "You're only a little +sea-sick, miss; as often happens to people in humble circumstances when +they ride in a kerridge for the first time."</p> + <p>Still panting, Miss POTTS paid and discharged this friendly +man, and, weariedly entering the building, followed the signs up-stairs +to her guardian's office.</p> + <p>After knocking several times at the right door without reply, +she turned the knob, and entered so softly that the venerable lawyer +was not aroused from the slumber into which he had fallen in his chair +by the window. With a copy of <i>Putnam's Magazine</i> still grasped +in his honest right hand, good Mr. DIBBLE slept like a drugged person; +nor could the young girl awaken him until, by a happy inspiration, she +had snatched away the monthly and cast it through the casement.</p> + <p>"Am I dreaming?" exclaimed the aged man, when thus suddenly +rescued from his deadly lethargy at last "Is that you, my dear; or are +you your late mother?"</p> + <p>"I am your ridiculously unhappy ward," answered the Flowerpot, +tremulously. "Oh, poor, dear, absurd EDDY!"</p> + <p>"And you have come here all alone?"</p> + <p>"Yes; and to escape being married to EDDY'S perfectly hateful +uncle, who has the same as ordered me to become his utterly disgusted +bride. Oh, why is it, why is it, that I must be thus persecuted by +young men without property! Why is it that perfectly horrid madmen on +salaries are allowed to claim me as their own!"</p> + <p>"My dear," cried the old lawyer, leading her to a chair, and +striving to speak soothingly, "if Mr. BUMSTEAD desires to marry you he +must indeed be insane. Such a man ought really to be confined," he +continued, pacing thoughtfully up and down the room. "This must have +been the idea that was already turning his brain when—bless my soul!—he +actually intimated, first, that I, and then, that Mr. SIMPSON, had +killed his nephew!"</p> + <p>"He thinks, now, that I, or MAGNOLIA PENDRAGON, may have done +it,—the hateful creature!" said FLORA, passionately.</p> + <p>"I see, I see," assented Mr. DIBBLE, nodding. "When he has you +in his head, my dear, he himself must clearly be out of it. You shall +stay here and take tea with me, and then I will take you to FRENCH'S +Hotel for your accommodation during the night."</p> + <p>It was a sight to see him tenderly help her off with her +bonnet; and suggestive to hear him say, that if a man could only take +off his brains as easily as a woman hers, what a relief it would be to +him occasionally. It was curious to see him peep into her bottle-filled +satchel, with an old man's freedom; and to hear him audibly wonder +thereat, whether, after all, men were any more addicted than women to +the social glass when they wanted to put a better face on affairs. And, +after the waiter bringing him toast and tea from a neighboring +restaurant had brought an additional slice and cup for the guest, it +was pleasant to behold him smiling across the office-table at that +guest, and encouraging her to eat as much as she would if a member of +his sex were not looking.</p> + <p>"It must be absurdly ridiculous to stay here all alone, as you +do, sir," observed FLORA.</p> + <p>"But I am not always alone," answered Mr. DIBBLE. "My clerk, +Mr. BLADAMS, now taking a vacation in the country, is generally here +though, to be sure, I may lose him before long. He's turned literary."</p> + <p>"How perfectly frightful!" said Miss POTTS.</p> + <p>"He has set up for a genius, my child, and is now engaged upon +a great American novel. Discontented with the law, he is giving great +attention to this; but Free Trade will not, I am afraid, allow any +American publisher to bring it out."</p> + <p>"Free Trade?" repeated FLORA.</p> + <p>"Yes, my dear, Free Trade; that is, while American publishers +can steal foreign novels for nothing, they are not going to pay +anything for native fiction."</p> + <p>Yawning behind her hand, the Flowerpot murmured something +about Free Trade being positively absurd, and her guardian went on:</p> + <p>"Nevertheless, Mr. BLADAMS is going on-with his work, which he +calls 'The Amateur Detective;' and if it ever does come out you shall +have a copy.—But, by the by," added the lawyer, suddenly, "you have not +yet fully described to me the interview in which poor Mr. EDWIN'S uncle +offered to become your husband."</p> + <p>She gave him a full history of the Ritualistic organist's +handsome offer to her of his H. and H.; adding her own final decision +in the matter as precipitated by the possibility of a General European +war; and Mr. DIBBLE heard the whole with an air of studious attention.</p> + <p>"Although I have certainly no particular reason for +befriending Mr. BUMSTEAD," said he, reflectively, "I shall take +measures to keep him from you. Now come with me to FRENCH'S Hotel. +To-morrow I will call there for you, you know, and then, perhaps, you +may be taken to see your friend, Miss PENDRAGON."</p> + <p>Having obtained for his ward a room in the hotel named, and +seen her safely to its shelter, the good old lawyer visited the +bar-room of the establishment, for the purpose of ascertaining whether +any evil-disposed person could get in through that way for the +disturbance of his fair charge. After which he departed for his home in +Gowanus.</p> + <p>(<i>To be Continued</i>.)</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>MOTTO FOR ALL GOOD CUBANS.</b>—"The labor we delight in +physics (S)pain."</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE PLAYS AND SHOWS.</b></p> + <p><img alt="P" align="left" src="images/05.jpg">unctually as +announced, the FIFTH AVENUE THEATRE has re-opened. It has been improved +by the addition of several private boxes that remind one of the square +pews in old-fashioned churches, (by the way, why do Puseyites object to +pews?) and by the erection of a hydrant near the conductor's seat, so +that when the audience can endure STOEPEL'S music no longer, they can +turn on the water and drown him and his long-winded orchestra. This +latter improvement meets with our hearty approval, and we earnestly +hope to see it put to the excellent use for which it is designed +without further delay. Manager DALY is now offering to his patrons the +new comedy of <i>Man and Wife</i>. The old-fashioned play of that +name, which is daily acted everywhere about us, is usually more of a +tragedy than a comedy, but Mr. DALY'S <i>Man and Wife</i> is comedy, +farce, muscular christianity, and paralysis pleasantly mingled +together. As thus:</p> + <p>ACT I.—GEOFFREY DELAMAYN <i>and his brother are seen +conversing in an arbor. (Don't let the printer imagine that I mean Ann +Arbor. It was bad enough in</i> WILKIE COLLINS <i>to banish his +dramatis personae to Scotland; but he was nevertheless too humane to +send them to Michigan</i>.)</p> + <p>JULIUS DELAMAYN. "GEOFFREY, you really must do something. The +unmannerly people who are just coming into the theatre make such a +noise that I couldn't be heard if I took the trouble to preach to you +for an hour, so I won't attempt to make my meaning any clearer."</p> + <p>GEOFFREY. "I will or I won't, I forget which. However, the +audience can't hear. We've got a pretty good house here to-night I +wonder if my muscles really show to any extent. Here comes LADY LUNDIE +and her friends."</p> + <p>LADY LUNDIE. "I choose everybody to play croquet on my side. +The rest may play on BLANCHE'S side. Miss SYLVESTER, you look as if you +could not stand alone. Therefore I order you to play."</p> + <p>ANNIE SYLVESTER. "Madame, I will. GEOFFREY, meet me here in +ten minutes, or you'll be sorry for it." (Exit everybody. ANNIE and +GEOFFREY returning on tip-toe.)</p> + <p>ANNIE. "You must marry me this afternoon. Meet me at the inn +on the moor."</p> + <p>GEOFFREY. "I won't cross the moor with you. DESDEMONA +foolishly crossed the Moor, and came to grief in consequence. I take +warning by her. I hate you, but I suppose I must marry you, or you'll +sell all my letters to the <i>Sun</i>."—(<i>They go out to be married</i>.)</p> + <p>ARNOLD <i>enters and makes love to</i> BLANCHE. SIR PATRICK <i>does +the comic business with</i> LEWIS'S <i>usual humor</i>. (<i>What a +nice man</i> LEWIS <i>must be for girls to quarrel with; he "makes up" +so nicely—this is a joke</i>.) LADY LUNDIE <i>enters and announces that</i> +ANNIE <i>is no longer her governess, that misguided person having +thrown up her situation, for the irrational reason that it was an +interesting one, and having fled in the silence of the after-dinner +hour. Shrieks of horror from the young ladies, who desist from knocking +their croquet-balls into the orchestra and the proscenium boxes; and +triumphant falling of a new act-drop</i>. STOEPEL, <i>having thought +of a sweet passage for the fife, in a Chinese opera, plays it +uninterruptedly for forty-five minutes. A deaf old gentleman +approvingly remarks that this is really classical music</i>.</p> + <p>ACT II.—<i>A storm at the inn on the Moor</i>. Miss SYLVESTER <i>waits +for her</i> GEOFFREY <i>and her tea. Enter</i> ARNOLD.</p> + <p>ARNOLD. " GEOFFREY can't come, so he has sent me. I know your +situation, and shall have to feel for you if it gets much darker and +they don't bring candles. That is, if I'm to shake hands with you. I +have told everybody here that you are my wife. Let's have a little game +of seven-up, and pass the time profitably."</p> + <p>ANNIE. "Oh, villain (I mean GEOFFREY,) you have +de-ser-er-erted me. Oh, rash young person, (I mean you, ARNOLD,) I'm +inclined to think that you've married me by Scotch law, without having +meant it. If so, you'll have to go to America and see BEECHER about a +divorce." (<i>Curtain subsequently falls, and</i> STOEPEL <i>orders +the big drum to beat for an hour, while the musicians take advantage of +the noise to tune their instruments.) Deaf old gentleman remarks again +that he does like</i> WAGNER'S <i>music. Half the audience hold their +ears, while the other half flee madly away until the entr' acte is over</i>.</p> + <p>ACT III.—GEOFFREY <i>boxes with his trainer, and slings +Indian clubs and wooden dumb-bells</i>.</p> + <p>GEOFFREY. "There! Thank heaven I didn't break anything. The +scenery, the footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the +week is out, however, if this prize-ring business isn't cut out. Here +comes ARNOLD."</p> + <p>ARNOLD. "How's Miss SYLVESTER?"</p> + <p>GEOFFREY. "If you say anything more about her, I'll put a head +on you. She's your wife. You're a married man."</p> + <p>ARNOLD. "<i>Married</i>! You infamous editor of a two cent +daily paper; I deny it. (<i>Curtain again falls, and</i> STOEPEL <i>plays +the entire opera of</i> ERNANI <i>for two hours. Deaf old gentleman +remarks that music is the</i> STOEPEL <i>entertainment at this +theatre, and that he really likes it. The rest of the audience look at +him with horror, as though he were a sort of aggravated and superfluous +cannibal</i>.)</p> + <p>ACT IV.—<i>Sir</i> PATRICK <i>proves that</i> GEOFFREY <i>is +married to</i> ANNIE, <i>and that</i> ARNOLD <i>isn't</i>. GEOFFREY <i>takes +his weeping wife home with him. Everybody finds out that</i> GEOFFREY <i>is +an enormous liar and an unmitigated blackguard. Through the open +windows are seen the editors of the Sun and the Free Press, each +determined to be the first to offer</i> GEOFFREY <i>a place on the +staff of his respective journal. The curtain falls and</i> STOEPEL <i>directs +each member of the orchestra to play the tune that he may like best. +After three hours of this sort of thing a humane person in the audience +brings in a saw and begins to file it. The rest of the audience are +thereupon gently lulled to sleep by the music of the file—so soft and +soothing does it sound by contrast with</i> STOEPEL'S <i>demoniac +orchestra.</i></p> + <p>ACT V.—ANNIE, <i>in the midst of misery and a gorgeous silk +dress with lace trimmings, is seen going to bed in her best clothes, +and without taking her hair down—this being the well-known custom among +fashionably dressed girls</i>. GEOFFREY <i>enters and attempts to +strangle her, but she is awakened by the considerate forethought of a +dumb woman, who loudly calls her, and</i> GEOFFREY <i>conveniently +lies down and dies of paralysis. All the rest of the dramatis personae +enter, and indulge in exclamations of joy. The curtain falls for the +last time, and</i> STOEPEL <i>is removed under the protection of a +strong platoon of policemen, to the secret abode where</i> DALY <i>keeps +him hidden during the day from the wrath of an outraged public</i>.</p> + <p>And the undersigned goes home to breakfast—it being now nearly +6 A.M.—reflecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the +scenery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the +play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,) +the pluck of the young manager, and the unredeemed badness of the +orchestra, as it is conducted by Mr. STOEPEL. Tell me, gentle DALY, +tell; why in the name of all that is intelligent, do you let STOEPEL +transform each <i>entr' acte</i> at your theatre into a prolonged +purgatory, by the villainous way in which he plays the most execrable +music, for the most intolerable periods of time?</p> + <p>MATADOR.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>L. N. IN PRUSSIA.</b></p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Yes, +I am quite upset;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">In fact, I'm dizzy yet</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">With all that rapid riding, day +and night;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">But still, two things I see;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They've made an end of Me,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And blown the Empire higher than +a kite!<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Yes, here I am, at last—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And all my dreams are past.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">didn't think to enter Prussia +thus!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Confound that "Vorwarts" man!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">When first the war began</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He seemed as logy as an omnibus.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Faugh! smell the Sweitzer Kaise!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">The same in every place, eh?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">How these big Germans love an +ugly stench!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">My! what a taste they've got</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">For articles that rot;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And can it be, they live so near +the French?<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">I'm in a pretty nest!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And, worse than all the rest,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Is thinking how I got here; +there's the rub.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">When I have mused awhile</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">On all my luck, so vile,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I almost wish they'd hit me with +a club!<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">It's very well to say—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">"I might have won the day,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">If things had only gone this way +or that;"</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">I should have <i>made</i> them +go,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And let these Germans know</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">That <i>they</i> must go, too! +or be cut down flat.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">They didn't go, it seems;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Except 'twas in my dreams!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And, consequently, I must bid +good bye</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">To titles, power and state,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Which I enjoyed of late,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And curse my dismal fate—poor +Louis and I!</span> </div> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE PLYMOUTH ROCK.</b></p> + <p>The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand +of society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one +to believe that Mr. PUNCHINELLO does not like a little fresh air. And +surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize no one's +social standing if the thing is not repeated too often. At least so +thought Mr. P., and he determined, one fine morning last week, that he +would hurry up his business as fast as possible, and take a trip on +Col. FISK'S steamboat to Sandy Hook. A man calling with a bundle of +puns detained him so long that he found that he would not be able to +reach the 11 A.M. boat without he made unusual haste.</p> + <p>Rushing into the street, therefore, he hailed a passing hack, +and ordered the driver to take him, as quickly as possible, to the +Plymouth Rock.</p> + <img alt="" align="right" src="images/06.jpg"> + <p>When the carriage stopped, and the man opened the door, Mr. P. +rubbed his eyes, for he had fallen into a doze, on the way, and sprang +hastily out.</p> + <p>But what a sight met his gaze!</p> + <p>Before him was the hack, covered with mud and dust, and the +horses in a position indicating utter exhaustion: to his right lay a +huge unsymmetrical stone, while behind him rolled the heaving waters of +Cape Cod bay! The man had mistaken his directions, and had driven him +to JOHN CARVER'S old Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, instead of JAMES +FISK Jr.'s steamboat at Pier 28, North River.</p> + <p>"There's the rock, yer honor," said the man, pointing to the +mis-shapen stone, "and an awful time I've had a drivin' yer honor to +it."</p> + <p>"How long have you been, coming here?" asked the astounded Mr. +P.</p> + <p>"Nigh on to three days, yer honor, and I drove as fast as I +could, hopin' to get back by the Sunday in time for the Centhral Park, +but I had to stop sometimes for feed and wather, and it's no use me +whippin' up afther all, for sorra the good them horses will be for the +Centhral Park on the Sunday."</p> + <p>"And how much do I owe you for all this?" asked Mr. P.</p> + <p>"Well, sir," said the man, "I won't charge your honor nothin' +for the feed and my victuals, for I'd had to have found them if yer +hadn't a hired me; and I'll only charge ye three dollars a hour, for +sure yer honor never give me the least thruble, slapeing there as swate +as an infant all the time, and that'll be jist two hundred and four +dollars, and if yet honor could give me a thrifle besides to drink yer +health, I'd be obliged to yer honor."</p> + <img alt="" align="left" src="images/07a.jpg"> + <p>Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, +and the rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars +and twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and +declared his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about +forty miles away, and taking the railroad for New York</p> + <p>"If I don't, ye see, yer honor, I'll never get back in time +for the Sunday; and the horses will be restin' in the cars."</p> + <img alt="" align="right" src="images/07b.jpg"> + <p>As the man made his preparations and departed, Mr. P. stood +and watched him until he slowly faded out of sight.</p> + <p>When he had entirely disappeared, Mr. P. sat down upon the +rock and reflected.</p> + <p>Now that he was here, what had he best do? He had never seen <img + alt="" align="left" src="images/07c.jpg"> the rock before, and as it +struck him that possibly some of his patrons might be in the same +unfortunate condition, he concluded that he would take a few sketches +of it for their benefit. But he did not succeed very well. The first +drawing he made had a strange appearance. It looked more like an old +woman tied to a post, and surrounded by what seemed to be flames, than +anything else. This surely was not a correct view of this famous rock, +and so Mr. P. commenced another sketch. This, however, looked so much +like a man with a broad-brimmed hat, hanging by his neck to a rope, +that he concluded to try again.</p> + <p>His next sketch bore a striking resemblance to something that +certainly did not seem like a rock, but which, after some deliberation, +he found to look very much like a shrinking Southern negro, forced into +the ranks to supply the place of a citizen of Massachusetts. Everybody +might not be able to see this, but Mr. P. thought he perceived it +plainly.</p> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/07d.jpg"> </center> + <p>The last sketch made by Mr. P. somewhat resembled one whose +connection with "The Plymouth Rock" has certainly been of more +practical benefit to the public than that of any of the " old +founders," or anybody else—at least so far as Mr. P. can see. If any +one doubts this, let him ask General GRANT.</p> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/07e.jpg"> </center> + <p>Now should his readers see anything at all suggestive of sober +and beneficial reflection in these sketches, Mr. P.'s visit to Plymouth +Rock was not made in vain.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>A LETTER FROM L. N.</b></p> + <p>DEAR PUNCHINELLO: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time +hence, it should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of +writing this letter, you will please understand that I wasn't there, at +that moment, having had a little business to transact with my good +friend WILLIAMS, of PRUSSIA. I am at present engaged upon a tour of the +German States in the company of a pleasant little excursion party, who +met me at Sedan, and received me warmly.</p> + <p>Everybody seems glad to greet me, particularly at this time, +and all express regrets that I couldn't have come earlier in the +season. They are aware of the interest I have ever felt in the great +German people, and I am assured they welcome with enthusiasm my pet +theory of the solidarity of nations.</p> + <p>I intend remaining here awhile, feeling sure that there is +nothing to call me homeward for the present. The truth is, my friend, I +am getting weaned of the French people. So soon as my obligations to my +very good friends in Prussia will permit, you may look for me in New +York. Yes, dear PUNCHINELLO, greatest and beet of Philosophers! expect +to see me walking into your Sanctum one of these fine +mornings,—probably with my son LOUIS,—delighted to see you, and glad to +turn my back on those scenes so long familiar, which, in their new and +popular dress, could hardly be expected to afford me much exhilaration.</p> + <p>From an inferior man, I should expect officious and quite +gratuitous commiseration over the fate of the late Empire. You, +however, will readily perceive it to be possible that I should rather +be congratulated. You would not exchange your dignified leisure, your +careless toils, for the best of sovereignties. Why, then, should I, who +have made you my exemplar, feel a pang at parting with a sceptre which +for years has only tired my hand?</p> + <p>I picture myself seated with my family on the heights at +Weehawken, smoking a good cigarette, and musing on the affairs of +nations as I watch the flow of that superb river (as much finer than +the Rhine, my friend, as wine is finer than lagerbier!) which I have +often, in days gone by, admired and extolled by the hour.</p> + <p>I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son +the Prince of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the +Inevitable.</p> + <p>And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable +that I was always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable +Prussian. But I have faced much more terrible things. In your very city +of Hoboken, I have stood face to face with a German creditor! Will any +one henceforth doubt my fortitude?</p> + <p>I have one rather comforting reflection, apropos to that <i>rencontre.</i> +I have taken care to arm myself against future assaults of that nature. +I am Gold-Plated.</p> + <p>If your highly-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict +me in a connection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make +a sketch entitled: "The Two Exiles,"—one of whom may be,my Uncle at St. +Helena; the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of +wine at my side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PUNCHINELLO in +the other!</p> + <p>But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the +(d)evil thereof.</p> + <p>Royally yours,</p> + <p>L. N.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Maxim for the next new President.</b></p> + <p>"A place for everybody, and everybody in his place."</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/08.jpg"> + <p><b>ON COLOR</b>.</p> + <p><i>Cousin Bella, (admiring picture.)</i> "HOW IS IT, FRED, +THAT YOU PRODUCE SUCH LOVELY COLOR, AND WITH SO MUCH FACILITY?"</p> + <p><i>Fred, (thinking of his meerschaum.)</i> "I DON'T TELL +EVERYBODY THAT, YOU INQUISITIVE TEASE, BUT FACT IS, I PUT THE STUMP OF +AN OLD PAINT-BRUSH IN THE BOWL, AND SMOKE THE OILIEST TOBACCO I CAN +FIND."</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE BATTLE AT SEDAN.</b></p> + <p>Special Correspondence of Punchinello.</p> + <p>(This paper is the only paper on the planet which has a +correspondent at the seat of war, wherever that seat may be. The +following dispatch was sent to us by cable at a total expense of +$21,000.)</p> + <p>It was a still, calm night, the glorious moon was sailing +through the sky; the river was running water; the clouds were cloudy; +the soldiers were soldiering. I stepped out of my tent and tumbled over +VON MOLTKE. He took my arm and invited me to the tent of the Crown +Prince.</p> + <p>"MOLTY," said I, "what's your little game?"</p> + <p>"Penny ante," replied he.</p> + <p>"<i>Trés bien,</i>" added I.</p> + <p>"You are a French spy. Ha! ha!" said he, grasping my collar. +"Ho! Ho!"</p> + <p>"<i>Das ish goot,</i>" added I.</p> + <p>"Then you're Dutch," sighed he, dropping me like a hot pair of +tongs.</p> + <p>In the tent we found the King, the Crown Prince, Gen. +STEINMETZ, Gen. SHERIDAN, and Gen. FORSYTH.</p> + <p>"MOLTY," said I, "introduce me to the King."</p> + <p>"BILL," said he, "this is JENKINS."</p> + <p>BILL held out his foot and I took a suck at his great toe.</p> + <p>Then we went at the game. BILL is pretty good at it, but then +he doesn't stand any chance beside MOLTY. The Crown Prince lost at +least fourteen cents, and, just as he had a splendid opportunity to +retrieve his losses, in came an aide, who announced that the French had +squatted.</p> + <p>"Where?" cried VON MOLTKE.</p> + <p>"In Sedan," replied the aide.</p> + <p>"I knew it," said MOLTY. "BILL, I told you they had no horses +for a regular carriage."</p> + <p>Then we went out. The King invited me to sit in his carriage +with MOLTY and SHERIDAN. We reached the scene of war.</p> + <p>The moon shone; the mountains were mountainous; the trees were +treey; and the soft September breeze was breezy. BISMARCK came up and +asked the King to let him cut behind.</p> + <p>"BIS," said I, "take my seat; I'll take a trip to the French +camp."</p> + <p>So I tripped over to the French camp and found things somewhat +mixed. The moon shone. Steadily the Prussian troops advanced; and, with +a heroism worthy of a better cause, the French retreated. The Emperor +wanted to die in the rear of his men.</p> + <p>"NAP," said I, "you'd better get up and get. The Prussians are +coming."</p> + <p>"JENKINS," said he, "kiss me for my mother, I'm betrayed."</p> + <p>"Why didn't you have more cheesepots?" said I.</p> + <p>"I'll surrender," said he, "get out a white flag."</p> + <p>So I took one of EUGENIE'S old pocket-handkerchiefs which I +found in the tent, stuck it on the end of the sabre of the nephew of +his uncle, put NAP in the carriage, jumped in myself and drove to the +Prussian camp. The moon shone; all nature smiled; the rivers were +rivery; the Sedans were chairy.</p> + <p>BILL received us very coolly at first, but I gave BIS the +wink, and he suggested to his Majesty that he'd better take the Emperor +prisoner.</p> + <p>"NAP," said BILL, "is the game up?"</p> + <p>"BILL," said NAP, "you've scored the game. I leave my old +clothes to the Regent. I hope she'll like the breeches."</p> + <p>Then he treated to cigarettes, and we all went back to our +game of penny ante. NAP wouldn't join us. He said he'd just been +playing a game with crowns ante and he was busted. We'd hardly got the +cards dealt, when BILL turned to BISMARCK and asked, "I say, BIS, won't +you run over and telegraph to the old woman something about our FRITZ?"</p> + <p>"Let JENKINS go," said BIS.</p> + <p>Of course I assented to the proposition.</p> + <p>"Where the devil is FRITZ?" said BILL.</p> + <p>"Oh, he's been sleeping for the last two hours," said MOLTKE.</p> + <p>"Never mind," said BILL, "telegraph a victory by FRITZ."</p> + <p>So I telegraphed,</p> + <p>"A great victory has been won by our FRITZ. What great things +have we done for ourselves! We'll keep it up, old woman,</p> + <p>(Signed) BILL."</p> + <p>When I reached the tent everybody was asleep. NAP was +reclining gracefully on the breast of BISMARCK, as affectionately as if +they were brothers-in-law. The moon shone; the sky was skyey; the hills +were hilly; and all nature was getting up.</p> + <p>Anybody who says the above did not come over the cable lies, +wickedly, maliciously lies, with intent to deceive. As soon as JACK +SMITH'S smack sails, I'll send you a piece of the cable it came over.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <br> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/09.jpg"> + <p><b>Mr. Bull: The Sutler of the World.</b></p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <br> + <p><b>HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM</b></p> + <p>He Reviews the Career of a Lunatic. — A Graduate with Nice +Ideas.</p> + <p>KING WILYAM, Most noble Loonatic:</p> + <p><i>We gates all der while!</i> Accordin' to the Marine Cable, +I understand you've given old BONEY a <i>slosh on der cope mit der +Sweitzer case;</i> or in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON +has taken his Umpire, and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit +of Judge or Jewry.</p> + <p>I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the +Umpire tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in +his panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his +nabors.</p> + <p>I've allers heard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the +French say you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, "Be be Jost or +Gobler damed," to cote from our friend BILLY SHAKESPEER.</p> + <p>We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, +mor'en once.</p> + <p>If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can +wallop his wife to his heart's content; and if anybody interferes, he +can popp him off with a six shooter, and the law will stand to his back.</p> + <p>Judges and Jewrys, when tryin' such a man, think he is sum +punkins, while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated +Loonatic's fotograf onto their first page.</p> + <p>I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the +melon-colic, (this bein' the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of +the <i>pro temper</i> kind?</p> + <p>I shoulden't wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited +it from your illustrous Antsister, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about +as sassy a Loonatic as you can pick up.</p> + <p>What <i>we</i> need just now, and what <i>we</i> have needed +for a good while, is a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as +minister.</p> + <p>With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them 'ere little +Alabarmy claims would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this +court knows herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent +off howlin', with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage.</p> + <p>You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics. Yes, sir! they +are the "Coming man," the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers can't +hold a candle to 'em.</p> + <p>When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if +they'd bust their biler tryin', then he is sot down as bein' crazy as a +loon by his jelous nabors.</p> + <p>I haven't heard whether BISMARK'S or FRITZ'S upper storys were +shaky, or not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but +what both of these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FRANCIS TRAIN +any day; and that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin' +tragic attitoods, and repeatin' the follerin well known verses:</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"I +am not mad!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I am not mad!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But only on my mussle.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Old NAP'd been glad</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">If he and King dad</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Had never got into a tussle."</span> + </div> + <p>My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose +son was so <i>bully</i> at pickin' up <i>bullocks,</i> is to +congratulate you.</p> + <p>Speakin' after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. +Havin' served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can +rely on my giving a good sound opinion, from which there haint no +repeal to a higher court.</p> + <p>What do you think of my startin' a college here for the purpus +of edicatin' Loonatics?</p> + <p>We've got 3 colliges here, Harvard, 'Ale, and the Electoral +College, and a skalier lot of week-kneed timber than these institutions +sometimes turns out, would make you stick to your stomack to look at.</p> + <p>Stugents are turned out from these asilums with pooty +ristocratick idees into their nozzles.</p> + <p>I once knew a chap who was a gradooate of one of these +institutions of larning,</p> + <p>He was more ristocratick than a retired church deekin'.</p> + <p>When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the +funeral, so he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the +corpse to wear, doorin' the funeral services.</p> + <p>Thinks I, that was shovin' a good thing rather too deep in the +ground, merely for the sake of pilin' on the agony.</p> + <p>However, that's the way of the world; larnin' will stick out, +and you can't atop her.</p> + <p>That son of your'n, FRITZ, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer.</p> + <p>If he haint in that precarious situation which SARY F. NORTON +calls "mummery," and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good +honest folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he +mite go further and fare a site wusser, than to come over here and +examine my stock of risin' feminine genders.</p> + <p>Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who +understands her biz as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her +gals won't be troubled to death by keepin' a cook to boss 'em around.</p> + <p>Doorin' the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin' +in the sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, +MARIAR'S biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal +to the way a big dinner at DELMONICO'S, N.Y., will flop over a New York +Alderman.</p> + <p>The surest way of gettin' round a public man, is via his +stomack.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Like +ALADIN'S lamp, you can</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">By merely givin' a rub,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Bring around most any man,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">By fillin' him up with grub.</span> + </div> + <p>But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose +quil, and go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter +let me speak a word for your noble prisoner, L. NAPOLEON, Esq.</p> + <p>Deal gently with him.</p> + <p>Altho' he plade the wrong card when he pitched into you, +recollect the old maxum:</p> + <p>"Never bute a feller when he is down."</p> + <p>France is better, in a good many respects, for things LEWIS +done for 'em.</p> + <p>But he has gone to the shades, and SHAKSPEER aptly says:</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The +evil which men do,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Lives a darn site longer than</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The evil they don't do."</span> </div> + <p>Which sentiment shode that old SHAKE was a hulsail dealer in +human nater.</p> + <p>Hopin' that in the days of your prosperity, you wont forgit +your poor relations, sich as <i>mothers-in-law</i> and the like, and +when they come to visit you, you wont say:</p> + <p>"Nix cum arous,"</p> + <p>I will dry up.</p> + <p>Ewers anon,</p> + <p>HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,</p> + <p><i>Lait Gustise of the Peece</i></p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE LOVERS.</b></p> + <p>In Different Moods and Tenses.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">SALLY +SALTER, she was a young teacher, who taught,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And her friend, CHARLEY CHURCH, +was a preacher, who praught;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Though his enemies called him a +screecher, who scraught.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">His heart, when he saw her, kept +sinking, and sunk,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And his eye, meeting hers, began +winking, and wunk;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">While she, in her turn, fell to +thinking, and thunk.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He hastened to woo her, and +sweetly he wooed,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">For his love grew until to a +mountain it grewed,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And what he was longing to do, +then he doed.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">In secret he wanted to speak, and +he spoke,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To seek with his lips what his +heart long had soke;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">So he managed to let the truth +leak, and it loke.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">He asked her to ride to the +church, and they rode;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">They so sweetly did glide, that +they both thought they glode,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And they came to the place to be +tied, and were tode.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then homeward he said let us +drive, and they drove,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And soon as they wished to +arrive, they arrove;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">For whatever he couldn't +contrive, she controve.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The kiss he was dying to steal, +then he stole,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">At the feet where he wanted to +kneel, there he knole,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And he said, " I feel better than +ever I fole."<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">So they to each other kept +clinging, and clung,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">While Time his swift circuit was +winging, and wung;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And this was the thing he was +bringing, and brung.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The man SALLY wanted to catch, +and had caught—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">That she wanted from others to +snatch, and had snaught—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Was the one that she now liked to +scratch, and she scraught<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And CHARLEY'S warm love began +freezing, and froze,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">While he took to teasing, and +cruelly toze</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The girl he had wished to be +squeezing, and squoze.<br> + <br> + </span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Wretch!" he cried when she +threatened to leave him, and left,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"How could you deceive me, as you +have deceft?"</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And she answered, "I promised to +cleave, and I've cleft!"</span> </div> + <p>AMOS KEETER</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/12.jpg"> + <p>A PRETTY IDEA OF MR. VAN LITTLEDRAM: HE TAKES HIS YOUNGSTER +OUT FOR A SAIL, THUS, AND SAVES THE EXPENSE OF A BOAT.</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE.</b></p> + <p>CANTO VII.</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Tom, +Tom the Pipers' son,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Stole a Pig, and away he run;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And TOM went roaring down the +street.</span> </div> + <p>The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great +excitement in the period in which it occurred, although at the present +date it would not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest +ripple on the glassy calm of our most, sleepy village.</p> + <p>We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little +peccadillo such as the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a +purse, unless it contains a large amount, and was taken under the most +aggravating circumstances from ourselves.</p> + <p>A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect +hundreds of people, or a midnight murder executed with the malignancy +of a fiend, will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even +that soon passes out of mind, and society settles back into its +imperturbable apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still +further, and becoming by degrees proof against being stirred by +anything that does not affect ourselves personally.</p> + <p>Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the +astounding temerity of the Piper's son, in laying felonious hands on +the property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement +second only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later +days.</p> + <p>Poor TOM was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for +although he was the one who committed the crime, he was not the only +one who reaped a benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells +us, he was the only one who was punished therefor; so, while we blame +him, let us shed a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, +the others the eating. The scene is graphically described thusly—</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Tom, +Tom the Piper's son,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Stole a pig, and away he run."</span> + </div> + <p>Here we see Tom, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, +listening to the witching strains of his father's bagpipe, played by +the industrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, +with the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat +that both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its +day and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought +to bear upon it, TOM'S eyes, roving around from window to door, happen +to light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent +beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for +human rights.</p> + <p>Alas! TOM is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the +fascinating pig, and he doesn't know how strong his principles are, nor +how far he will go to maintain them.</p> + <p>He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, +the desire to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a +determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal +that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed +upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it +as a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it +tightly in his hands, and skedaddles.</p> + <p>The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of +piggy is unnoticed till the red-headed urchin whose playmate it is +looks around for the loved companion, of his childish sports, and finds +it not. Great research, amid loud outcries, is made, resulting only in +the conviction that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace +behind.</p> + <p>TOM, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart +swelling with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the +arms of his maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the +dainty prize. Visions of a luscious supper float through the mind of +the female piperess, as she bestows her motherly benediction upon her +thoughtful son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned +lesson of cooking a sucking pig.</p> + <p>Having accomplished the "First get your pig" part, the rest +comes easy; and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories +are sainted with an odor that startles him from his generally +despondent mood, and awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an +unusual flavor from his usually flavorless abode. He enters and finds a +smiling wife and son, with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. "What +next occurred the Poet tells us in the laconic words</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"The +pig was eat."</span> </div> + <p>There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the +fact was enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, +and this happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They +couldn't eat them, and they didn't own a dog; so they picked them clean +and threw them away. But, "Murder will out," and the tiny bones told +their own tale. The village detective soon coupled the feet of the +missing pig with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the +door of the musician's abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to +the detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a +pig's bones—a stolen pig's bones, from the fact that the Piper did not +earn enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole +the sucking-pig?</p> + <p>Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to +have any light-fingered proclivities.</p> + <p>Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe +and could prove an alibi.</p> + <p>There was no one left but TOM. Circumstances pointed him out: +he loved good eating and hated work, and had been noticed gazing upon +the charms of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. TOM was the +thief, and the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too +uncertain and expensive, TOM was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was +resolved to take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells +us</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"TOM +was beat."</span> </div> + <p>Undoubtedly TOM was glad when they got through, and although he</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Went +roaring down the street,"</span> </div> + <p>it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his +bacon. It was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had +no stomach pumps in those days.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Scene.—A. City Restaurant.</b></p> + <p><i>Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast</i>.) +"Anything more, sir?"</p> + <p><i>Customer</i>. "H'm—well—yes; bring me an omelette souffle."</p> + <p><i>Waiter</i>. "Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessir."</p> + <p>(<i>Exit, humming the popular tune</i>.)</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Unintentionally Appropriate</b>.</p> + <p>The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and +then innocently requests the "False Reporting" <i>Tribune</i> to copy +it!</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>BY GEORGE!</b></p> + <p>(<i>Continued</i>.)</p> + <p>LAKE GEORGE, Sept 5.</p> + <p>DEAR PUNCHINELLO:—In my last I promised to finish my trip on +the Lake and give you some reliable rumors about the "Rogers' Slide."</p> + <p>I am prepared to do this to-day, in a happy and congratulatory +frame of mind.</p> + <p>I have had breakfast this morning.</p> + <p>When I say this I mean that I have had this morning's +breakfast this morning.</p> + <p>Any one who has achieved so remarkable a success, at this +place, can safely plume himself on his patience and physical endurance.</p> + <p>For instance, this morning, for the first time, I ordered +broiled Spring Chicken.</p> + <p>The waiter gave me a disconsolate look and proceeded to gird +up his loins with a base ball belt.</p> + <p>In a few moments he dashed past the window in hot pursuit of a +fowl of venerable appearance, but of a style of going that would have +put to shame any ostrich that Dr. LIVINGSTONE ever saw.</p> + <p>I asked the head waiter if he called that a <i>Spring Chicken</i>?</p> + <p>He said he guessed that chicken could out-Spring any chicken +in the place.</p> + <p>This clears up another great hotel mystery.</p> + <p>The man outflanked this gentle birdling on the eighth time +round, in 6.23, which is considered very good indeed, and beats the +time of the late Harvard and Yale "Foul" considerably.</p> + <p>I say "outflanked," because it is not the intention of these +sunny Amendments to put an end to these feathery Dexters immediately, +but to drive them into the ten-pin alley, where they are leisurely +bowled to an untimely end. As, however, pony balls are generally used, +and there are always half a dozen darkies standing around ready to bet +that the chicken won't be killed in forty balls, or sixty, as the case +may be, this part of the process is rather tedious to the guest</p> + <p>Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not +more than nine or ten-pin feathers left.</p> + <p>Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called "Sabbath +Day Point," in consequence of ABERCROMBIE having landed there on a +Wednesday morning.</p> + <p>Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see +the Point.</p> + <p>A gentleman on board informed me that the water was so clear +at this place that one could "see objects when thirty feet from the +bottom."</p> + <p>I have thought and thought over this remark, but am unable to +see what one's distance from the bottom has to do with his "seeing +objects."</p> + <p>I give it up.</p> + <p>On the opposite side of the Lake is a hill called "Sugar Loaf +Mountain"—because it is a sweet place for loafers, I suppose.</p> + <p>Finally we passed "Rogers' Slide," which is a rocky precipice +three hundred feet high, sloping nearly perpendicularly into the water. +A decidedly unpleasant-looking place for cellar-door practice.</p> + <p>There are a great many romantic traditions about this same +ROGERS, who is regarded by the simple natives as having been an +altogether high-minded and gorgeous character—the fact being that he +was one of those unmitigated old scamps who owe to the accident of +having lived in Revolutionary times, the distinction of being held up +to the emulation of primary schools as a "Patriot Hero." Literally he +was simply an "unmixed evil," fighting only to steal something, and +devoting what time and talent he could spare from his legitimate +profession—which was <i>seven-up</i>—to generally bedevilling and +encroaching upon the neighboring Indians.</p> + <p>As an enchroachist he was immense.</p> + <p>The noble red-skins alluded to finally concluded that enough +was enough, and appointed a Special Commission to put a permanent end +to the delicate attentions of the "Marked Back."</p> + <p>This <i>sobriquet</i> they conferred upon him partly on +account of the fact that he usually received his wounds while leaving +their immediate vicinity, and partly because of a peculiar +characteristic of the kind of cards he used.</p> + <p>The Commissioners caught ROGERS out hunting, and chased him +until he came to this precipice, down which he slid into the Lake +below, and, unfortunately, escaped unharmed.</p> + <p>The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his +snow-shoes, soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they +concluded to "let him slide."</p> + <p>Hence the name.</p> + <p>Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone +over. Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left +produced a profound impression on their untutored minds.</p> + <p>They at once concluded that he was drowned, or had got "in +with" some bad spirits.</p> + <p>It is obvious, however, to the most casual observer of the +place, that the reverse must have been the case. The bad spirits were +in him.</p> + <p>The mark worn by Mr. R's "cheviots" in his descent can still +be distinctly seen.</p> + <p>About half way up is a shining object which is generally +believed to be a suspender button.</p> + <p>This, however, is merely conjectural.</p> + <p>The clerk of the boat, of whom I have spoken before, tells me +that until within a few years back, the hole in the water where ROGERS +struck could be seen.</p> + <p>"But it is all gone now," he said, shaking his head sadly. +"Nothing can escape the Vandal horde of tourists and relic hunters. +Piece by piece they have carried the hole away, and there is no trace +of it left now."</p> + <p>And he "wept at my tranquillity."</p> + <p>At the north end of the Lake we took stages for Fort +Ticonderoga. These vehicles were run by a man who was pointed out as a +"character," which means a sort of licensed nuisance.</p> + <p>The monomania of this individual was speech making, and much +reflection inclines me to the belief that he is some unappreciated +politician who has invented a way of "taking it out" on the unhappy +public as follows:</p> + <p>He waits until his five immense stages arrive at some remote +and solitary part of the road, then draws them up in a semi-circle, +mounts a stump, and—on pretence of exhibiting the beauties of +nature—proceeds to harangue the helpless fares to the top of his very +high bent, or until one of the slumbering "outsides" creates a welcome +diversion by falling off and breaking his neck.</p> + <p>We came to what was really a curiosity—two kinds of trees +growing from one trunk, which this concentration of bores, this <i>mitrailleuse</i>, +in fact, improved accordingly.</p> + <p>"Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the <i>re</i>-markable +and <i>pe</i>-culiar works of a benign <i>Per</i>-rovidence. On the +right you see the sturdy and iron-hearted oak, while on the left you +behold the modest and <i>be</i>-utiful ellum. What Having has joined +together let no man put asunder—gerlang with yer hosses!"</p> + <p>It must have been a Sunday-school Superintendent who invented +excursions to Fort Ty.</p> + <p>It is not a place to Tye to.</p> + <p>One old gentleman pointed to an underground hole and advised +me to go and look at the magazine.</p> + <p>I went; but it is hardly necessary to say that I didn't find +any, and, on the whole, I was glad of it If people don't know any more +than to leave their <i>Galaxys</i> and <i>Harper's</i> lying around +loose when travelling, why, they deserve to have them stolen, that's +all.</p> + <p>I was sorry for the old gentleman, but if there is anything +that disgusts me, it is to meet people that ain't posted about things.</p> + <p>As the steamer neared the Hotel, on our return, the departing +sun was flinging back his last good-night smile on the lovely scene +below, and the musical chime of the little church at Caldwell came +stealing sweetly over the bosom of the placid Lake. As its fairy-like +sounds reached our ears, a melancholy-looking man with long hair, who +sat near, started, smiled, and turning to me, said:</p> + <p>"Did I ever tell you that story about SLUKER?"</p> + <p>As I had never seen the party before, I replied that if he had +I had forgotten it.</p> + <p>"SLUKER," he repeated, gazing absently at the distant spire; +"SLUKER," he reiterated, rubbing his nose abstractedly with the handle +of his umbrella; "SLUKER," he continued—</p> + <p>—in my next, my dear PUNCHINELLO, in my next.</p> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">SAGINAW DODD.</span><br> + <p>[<i>To be continued</i>.]</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Sauce</b></p> + <p>There can be no doubt that Grévy is in the right place, +as a member of the Provisional government of France.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <br> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/14.jpg"> + <p><b><i>Old Gent</i>.</b> "Don't scatter water on my feet, +man,—do you suppose I want 'em to grow any bigger?"</p> + </center> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.</b></p> + <p>Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to +solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, +yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for +lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities +that go to the making up of an efficient "Hawkshaw."</p> + <p>That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest +from a circumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting +had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of +counterfeiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their +operations immediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. +Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a +nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the +arrangements of the counterfeiters. Having informed some of his +associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in +one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and +has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the +illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than +these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But +duty is duty—often stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful +detectives inserted their Spitz-dog noses between the joints of the +artists' doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in +upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all +the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered +about their vile den.</p> + <p>Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of +wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking +pipes—tobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought +by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent +results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw +the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil. Some of the +officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the +delinquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police +station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the +night.</p> + <p>Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the +prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a +mistake—or a joke—we are not exactly informed which; but the parties +chiefly interested do not look upon it as a joke.</p> + <p>Now it is a very clear case that the mistake in question—or +joke—may be traced to a deficiency of education on the part of these +vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been properly cultivated in +the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could +not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would +have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been +acknowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August +Presence with obsequious genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, +then, whether a course of lectures upon art should not henceforth be +considered an indispensable branch of the education of our excellent +detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their +education, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be +insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives' +learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full +knowledge of the leguminous vegetables—such as beans.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Temporary Obscuration of the "Hub."</b></p> + <p>Boston already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. +She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year +she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further +to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of +Commons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of +Boston must fall into insignificance and "feel small." On the second +day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into +Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public +Garden, Big Drum, Common—all, all of these will then have to subside +and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince +of Erie and his valiant command.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>Boy and Man.</b></p> + <p>"Miss ANNIE P. LADD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by +the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace."</p> + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">To +be a man and magistrate</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'Twas natural that ANNIE sighed,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Since she one phase of man's +estate</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Already as a LADD had tried.</span> + </div> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>A Nut for the Ladies' Club.</b></p> + <p>Referring to the recent ladies' boat race at Harlem, a +reporter says that "the girls all rowed badly." This is a discouraging +comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume man's +attributes, (not to mention his other "butes" and the +what-d'ye-call-'ems generally associated with them,) and it is a very +significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words +So rows Sis.</p> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + <p><b>NEW PUBLICATIONS.</b></p> + <p>Among the numerous portraits of the late CHARLES DICKENS now +before the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in +chromograph lately issued by PRANG & Co., of Boston and New York. +It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger +than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the +face is one of thought—rather as he might have appeared when meditating +over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he +used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in +two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most +predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a +glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> <br> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="1" + style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. Stewart & Co.</big></big></p> + <p><small>Have just received several Cases</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PARIS MADE SILK AND POPLIN</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Street and Evening</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">DRESSES,</p> + <p><small>Two cases Cloth and Velvet Pattern</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Sacques, Cloaks, &c.,</p> + <p><small>An opening of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">HANDSOME TRIMMED HATS,</p> + <p>Latest Paris Style. Also,</p> + <p><small>Children's and Misses' Undergarments, Infants' Outfits, +etc., etc.</small></p> + <p><small>Several Cases Real India<br> +Camel's-Hair Shawls,</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">At unusually attractive prices.</p> + <p>Embroideries, Laces, Real Lace and LLama Pointes, Dresses, +&c.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>WEDDING TROUSSEAUX.</big></p> + <p><small>The above forms only a very small portion of their +Large and Attractive Stock of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>ELEGANT GOODS,</big></p> + <p><small>Imported and Domestic Made.</small></p> + <p>Offered at</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.</p> + </td> + <td rowspan="3" style="text-align: left;"> + <div style="text-align: center;"> <big><big><big><big>PUNCHINELLO.<br> + <br> + </big></big></big></big><br> +The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly +Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public +in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper +of the kind ever published in America. </div> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL.</span><br> + <br> +Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) ............... $4.00<br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">" " six months, (without +premium,) ..................................... 2.00</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">" " three months, +" ............................................. 1.00</span><br> + <br> +Single copies mailed free, for +............................................... .10<br> + <br> +We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO'S<br> +CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows:<br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year, and<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">"</span><b + style="font-weight: bold;">The Awakening</b><span + style="font-weight: bold;">,"</span></big></big> (a Litter of +Puppies.) Half chromo.<br> +Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,) for ...................... $4.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wild Roses.</span></big></big> +12-1/8 x 9.<br> + <big><big><b>Dead Game</b>.</big></big> 11-1/8 x 8-3/8.<br> + <big><big><b>Easter Morning</b>.</big></big> 6-3/4 x 10-1/4—for +..................... $5.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $5.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Group of Chickens;<br> +Group of Ducklings;<br> +Group of Quails</b>.</big></big><br> +Each 10 x 12-1/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Poultry Yard</b>.</big></big> 10-1/8 x 14<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Barefoot Boy;<br> +Wild Fruit</b>.</big></big> Each 9-3/4 x 13.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Pointer and Quail;<br> +Spaniel and Woodcock</b>.</big></big> 10 x 12—for ... $6.50<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $6.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Baby in Trouble;<br> +The Unconscious Sleeper;<br> +The Two Friends</b>. (Dog and Child.)</big></big><br> +Each 13 x 16-1/4.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Spring;<br> +Summer;<br> +Autumn;</b><br> + </big></big> 12-7/8 x 16-1/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Kid's Play Ground</b>.</big></big><br> +11 x 17-1/2—for ................. $7.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $7.50 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Strawberries and Baskets</b>.</big></big><br> + <br> + <big><big><b style="font-weight: bold;">Cherries and Baskets</b><span + style="font-weight: bold;">.</span></big></big><br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Currants</b>.</big></big> Each 13 x 18.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Horses in a Storm</b>.</big></big> 22-1/4 x 15-1/4.<br> + <br> + <big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Six Central Park Views. (A +set.)</big></big><br> +9-1/8 x 4-1/2—for ........... $8.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Six American Landscapes</b>. (A set.)</big></big><br> +4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00—for +.............................................. $9.00<br> + <br> + <br> +A copy of paper for one year and either of the<br> +following $10 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Sunset in California</b>.</big></big> (Bierstadt) +18-1/2 x 12<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Easter Morning</b>.</big></big> 14 x 21.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Corregio's Magdalen</b>.</big></big> 12-1/4 x 16-3/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit</b>.</big></big> +(Half chromos,)<br> +15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), for $10.00<br> + <br> +Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on +New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first +number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not otherwise ordered.<br> + <br> +Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents +per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be <i>mailed +free</i> on receipt of money.<br> + <br> +CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For +special terms address the Company.<br> + <br> +The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the +paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any +one desirous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage +stamp.<br> + <br> +Address,<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</span><br> + <br> +P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street, New York.<br> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. Stewart & Co.</big></big></p> + <p><small>Offer the largest, richest, and cheapest stock of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>DRESS GOODS,</big></p> + <p><small>That has ever been Offered in this City,</small></p> + <p>Comprising many Novelties in</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Poplins, Armures Cloths, +Epinglines, Extra Quality Merinos, Ladies' Cloths, &c., &c.</p> + <p><small>A Large Line of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">DOMESTIC SHIRTINGS, SHEETINGS, +BLANKETS, FLANNELS,</p> + <p><small>And every Variety of</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>HOUSEKEEPING GOODS.</big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.</p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> <br> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>IN CARPETS.</big></big></p> + <p>Five Frame ENGLISH BRUSSELS, <small>Reduced to $1.75 per yard.</small></p> + <p><small>200 Pieces Five-Frame</small><br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">English Brussels,</span></p> + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">Greater part Confined Styles,</span> +Reduced to $2 per yard.</p> + <p><small>Very Best Quality</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">ENGLISH TAPESTRY BRUSSELS</p> + <p><small>$1.30 per yard.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">FRENCH MOQUETTES</p> + <p><small>AND</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">AXMINSTERS,</p> + <p><small>$3.50 and $4 per yard.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">ROYAL WILTONS,</p> + <p><small>Best Quality, $2.50 and $3 per yard.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">CROSSLEY'S VELVETS,</p> + <p><small>Choice Designs, $2.50 per yard.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Superfine Ingrains, 3-Plys.</p> + <p><small>English and Domestic</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>OILCLOTHS, RUGS,<br> +MATS, ETC.,</big></p> + <p><small>At Extremely Low Prices.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. STEWART & CO.</big></big></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="1" align="center" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="66%" rowspan="2"> + <center> <img alt="" src="images/16.jpg"> + <p><b>FEEDING SPARROWS.</b></p> + <p>A HINT TO A CERTAIN CLASS OF "HUMANITARIANS"</p> + </center> + </td> + <td align="center">"The Printing-House of the United States."<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">GEO.F.NESBITT & +CO.,</span></big></big><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">General JOB PRINTERS,</span><br> + <br> +BLANK BOOK Manufacturers,<br> +STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail,<br> +LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers.<br> +COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers,<br> +CARD Manufacturers,<br> +ENVELOPE Manufacturers.<br> +FINE CUT and COLOR Printers.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST.,</span><br + style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE ST., New +York.</span><br> + <br> + <small>ADVANTAGES. All on the same premises, and under immediate +supervision of the proprietors.</small><br> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> <span style="font-weight: bold;">Tourists +and leisure Travelers</span><br> + <small>will be glad to learn that the Erie Railway Company has +prepared</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">COMBINATION EXCURSION</span><br> + <small><small>OR</small></small><br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Round Trip Tickets,</span></big><br> + <p><small>Valid during the entire season, and embracing +Ithaca—headwaters of Cayuga Lake—Niagara Falls, Lake Ontario, the River +St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, +the White Mountains and all principal points of interest in Northern +New York, the Canadas, and New England. Also similar Tickets at reduced +rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit the +celebrated Iron Mountains and Copper Mines of that region. By applying +at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., Nos. 241, 529 and 957 Broadway; +205 Chambers St.; 38 Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, +Harlem; 338 Fulton St., Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and +foot of 23rd St., New York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long Dock Depot, +Jersey City, and the Agents at the principal hotels, travelers can +obtain just the Ticket they desire, as well as all the necessary +information.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td colspan="2"> + <center> + <p><small>PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," +"Water-Lilies," "Chas. Dickens."<br> +PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art and Bookstores throughout the world.<br> +PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp.</small></p> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">L. PRANG & CO., Boston.</span> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="1" + style="width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="width: 50%;"> + <div style="text-align: center;"> <big><big><big><span + style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO.</span></big></big></big><br> + <br> + <small>With a large and varied experience in the management and +publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and with the +still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the +undertaking, the</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO</span>.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK,</span><br> + <br> +Presents to the public for approval, the new<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND +SATIRICAL</span><br> + <br> + <small><span style="font-weight: bold;">WEEKLY PAPER,</span></small><br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO,</span></big></big><br> + <br> +The first number of which was issued under<br> +date of April 2.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">ORIGINAL ARTICLES,</span><br> + <br> + <div style="text-align: center;"> Suitable for the paper, and +Original Designs,, or suggestive ideas or sketches for illustrations, +upon the topics of the day, are always acceptable and will be paid for +liberally.<br> + <br> +Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage stamps are +inclosed. </div> + </div> + <div style="text-align: center;"> <br> +TERMS:<br> + <br> +One copy, per year, in advance ....................... $4.00<br> + <br> +Single copies .......................................... .10<br> + <br> +A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten cents.<br> + <br> +One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other<br> +magazine or paper, price, $2.50, for ................. 5.50<br> + <br> +One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for 7.00 </div> + <br> + <div style="text-align: center;"> All communications, +remittances, etc., to be addressed to<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</span><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">No 83 Nassau Street,</span><br + style="font-weight: bold;"> + <br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">P. O. Box, 2783. NEW YORK.</span> + </div> + </td> + <td style="text-align: center;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. +DROOD.</big></big></p> + <p style="font-style: italic;">The New Burlesque Serial,</p> + <p><big>Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO,</big></p> + <p><small>BY</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>ORPHEUS C. KERR,</big></p> + <p><small>Commenced in No. 11. will be continued weekly +throughout the year.</small></p> + <p><small>A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom +friend, with superb illustrations of</small></p> + <p>1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, +TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY.</p> + <p>2ND. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE taken +as he appears "Every Saturday." will also be found in the same number.</p> + <br> + <p>Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen,<br> +(or mailed from this office, free,) Ten Cents.</p> + <p>Subscription for One Year, one copy,<br> +with $2 Chromo Premium. $4.</p> + <p><small>Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this +new serial, which promises to be the best ever written by ORPHEUS C. +KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular receipt weekly.</small></p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>We will send the first Ten +Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to<br> +any one who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on<br> +the receipt of SIXTY CENTS.</small></p> + <p>Address,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">P. O. Box 2783.</p> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">83 Nassau St., New York.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> +</table> +<br> +<center> GEO. W, WHEAT & Co, PRINTER, NO. 8 SPRUCE STREET. </center> +<br> +<br> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 27, October +1, 1870, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 2, NO. 27 *** + +***** This file should be named 10035-h.htm or 10035-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/0/3/10035/ + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS," WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Each eBook is in a subdirectory of the same number as the eBook's +eBook number, often in several formats including plain vanilla ASCII, +compressed (zipped), HTML and others. + +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks replace the old file and take over +the old filename and etext number. The replaced older file is renamed. +VERSIONS based on separate sources are treated as new eBooks receiving +new filenames and etext numbers. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + +EBooks posted prior to November 2003, with eBook numbers BELOW #10000, +are filed in directories based on their release date. If you want to +download any of these eBooks directly, rather than using the regular +search system you may utilize the following addresses and just +download by the etext year. + + http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext06 + + (Or /etext 05, 04, 03, 02, 01, 00, 99, + 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90) + +EBooks posted since November 2003, with etext numbers OVER #10000, are +filed in a different way. The year of a release date is no longer part +of the directory path. The path is based on the etext number (which is +identical to the filename). The path to the file is made up of single +digits corresponding to all but the last digit in the filename. For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: + https://www.gutenberg.org/GUTINDEX.ALL + + + + +</pre> + +</body> +</html> diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/01.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/01.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c21a886 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/01.jpg diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/03.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/03.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6744bcd --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/03.jpg diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/05.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/05.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b8ddee4 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/05.jpg diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/06.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/06.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..3c362be --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/06.jpg diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/07a.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/07a.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..fe41a63 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/07a.jpg diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/07b.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/07b.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..699de03 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/07b.jpg diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/07c.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/07c.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d381d19 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/07c.jpg diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/07d.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/07d.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..cbfdb90 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/07d.jpg diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/07e.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/07e.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c19e944 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/07e.jpg diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/08.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/08.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..969fe5c --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/08.jpg diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/09.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/09.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..73b9a34 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/09.jpg diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/12.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/12.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..85dcf09 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/12.jpg diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/14.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/14.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8cb8236 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/14.jpg diff --git a/old/10035-h/images/16.jpg b/old/10035-h/images/16.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f543d2c --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035-h/images/16.jpg diff --git a/old/10035.txt b/old/10035.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..449e6ee --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2750 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: November 10, 2003 [EBook #10035] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 2, NO. 27 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, +Steve Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + + + + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | CONANT'S | + | | + | PATENT BINDERS | + | | + | FOR | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO," | + | | + | to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent postpaid, on | + | receipt of One Dollar, by | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street, New York City. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | We will Mail Free | + | | + | A COVER | + | | + | Lettered & Stamped, with New Title Page | + | | + | FOR BINDING | + | | + | FIRST VOLUME, | + | | + | On Receipt of 50 Cents, | + | | + | OR THE | + | | + | TITLE PAGE ALONE, FREE, | + | | + | On application to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S | + | STEEL PENS. | + | | + | These Pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and | + | cheaper than any other Pen in the market. Special attention | + | is called to the following grades, as being better suited | + | for business purposes than any Pen manufactured. The | + | "505," "22," and the "Anti-Corrosive," | + | we recommend for Bank and Office use. | + | | + | D. APPLETON & CO., | + | Sole Agents for United States. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + * * * * * + +Vol II. No. 27 + + +PUNCHINELLO + + +SATURDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1870. + + +PUBLISHED BY THE + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, + +83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK. + + * * * * * + + +THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD, + +By ORPHEUS C. KERR, + +Continued in this Number. + + +See 15th Page for Extra Premiums. + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bound Volume No. 1. | + | | + | The first volume of PUNCHINELLO--the | + | only first-class, original, illustrated, | + | humorous and satirical weekly paper | + | published in this country--ending with | + | No. 26, September 24, 1870, | + | | + | Bound in Extra Cloth, | + | | + | will be ready for delivery on Oct. 1, | + | 1870. | + | | + | PRICE $2.50. | + | | + | Sent postpaid to any part of the United | + | States on receipt of price. | + | | + | A copy of the paper for one year, | + | from October 1st, No. 27, and the | + | Bound Volume, (the latter prepaid,) | + | will be sent to any subscriber for $5.50. | + | | + | Three copies for one year, and three | + | Bound Volumes, with an extra copy of | + | Bound Volume, to any person sending | + | us three subscriptions for $16.50. | + | | + | One copy of paper for one year, | + | with a fine chromo premium, | + | for- - - - - $4.00 | + | | + | Single copies, mailed free .10 | + | | + | Back numbers can always be supplied, | + | as the paper is electrotyped. | + | | + | Book canvassers will find this volume | + | a | + | | + | | + | Very Saleable Book. | + | | + | | + | Orders supplied at a very liberal | + | discount. | + | | + | All remittances should be made in | + | Post Office orders. | + | | + | Canvassers wanted for the paper | + | everywhere. Send for our Special | + | Circular. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | | + | Punchinello Publishing Co., | + | | + | 83 NASSAU ST., N. Y. | + | | + | P.O. Box No. 2783. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO | + | | + | JOHN NICKINSON, | + | | + | ROOM No. 4, | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, N. Y. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | TO NEWS-DEALERS. | + | | + | Punchinello's Monthly. | + | | + | The Weekly Numbers for August, | + | | + | Bound in a Handsome Cover, | + | | + | Is now ready. Price Fifty Cents. | + | | + | THE TRADE | + | | + | Supplied by the | + | | + | AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, | + | | + | Who are now prepared to receive Orders. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | WEYILL & HAMMAR, | + | | + | Wood Engravers, | + | | + | 208 BROADWAY, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bowling Green Savings-Bank, | + | | + | 33 BROADWAY, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + | Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M. | + | | + | _Deposits of any sum, from Ten cents | + | to Ten Thousand Dollars, will be received._ | + | | + | Six per Cent Interest, | + | Free of Government Tax. | + | | + | INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS | + | Commences on the First of every Month. | + | | + | HENRY SMITH, _President_. | + | | + | REEVES E. SELMES, _Secretary_. | + | | + | WALTER ROCHE, EDWARD HOGAN, _Vice-Presidents_. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A NEW AND MUCH-NEEDED BOOK. | + | | + | MATERNITY | + | | + | A POPULAR TREATISE | + | | + | For Young Wives and Mothers | + | | + | BY T. S. VERDI, A. M., M. D., OF WASHINGTON, D. C. | + | | + | Dr. VERDI is a well-known and successful Homoeopathic | + | Practitioner, of thorough scientific training and large | + | experience. His book has arisen from a want felt in his own | + | practice, as a Monitor to Young Wives, a Guide to Young | + | Mothers, and an assistant to the family physician. It deals | + | skilfully, sensibly, and delicately with the perplexities of | + | early married life, as connected with the holy duties of | + | Maternity, giving information which women must have, either | + | in conversation with physicians, or from such a source as | + | this--evidently the preferable mode of learning, for a | + | delicate and sensitive woman. Plain and intelligible, but | + | without offense to the most fastidious taste, the style of | + | this book must commend it to careful perusal. It treats of | + | the needs, dangers, and alleviations of the time of travail; | + | and gives extended detailed instructions for the care and | + | medical treatment of infants and children throughout all the | + | perils of early life. | + | | + | As a Mother's Manual, it will hare a large sale, and as a | + | book of special and reliable information on very important | + | topics, it will be heartily welcomed. | + | | + | Handsomely printed on laid paper: bevelled boards, extra | + | English cloth, 12mo., 450 pages. Price $2.25. | + | | + | _For sale by all Booksellers, or will be sent post-paid on | + | receipt of the price by_ | + | | + | J. B. FORD & CO., Publishers, | + | 39 Park Row, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FORST & AVERELL, | + | | + | Steam, Lithograph, and Letter Press | + | | + | PRINTERS, | + | | + | EMBOSSERS, ENGRAVERS, AND LABEL | + | MANUFACTURERS. | + | | + | Sketches and Estimates furnished upon application. | + | | + | 23 Platt Street, and 20-22 Gold Street, | + | | + | [P.O. Box 2845.] | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FOLEY'S | + | | + | GOLD PENS. | + | | + | THE BEST AND CHEAPEST. | + | | + | 256 BROADWAY. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | The only Journal of its kind in America!! | + | | + | The American Chemist: | + | | + | A MONTHLY JOURNAL | + | OF | + | | + | THEORETICAL, ANALYTICAL AND TECHNICAL | + | CHEMISTRY | + | | + | DEVOTED ESPECIALLY TO AMERICAN INTERESTS. | + | | + | EDITED BY | + | | + | Chas. F. Chandler, Ph. D., & W. H. Chandler. | + | | + | The Proprietors and publishers of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST, | + | having purchased the subscription list and stock of the | + | American reprint of THE CHEMICAL NEWS, have decided to | + | advance the interests of American Chemical Science by the | + | publication of a Journal which shall be a medium of | + | communication for all practical, thinking experimenting, and | + | manufacturing scientific men throughout the country. | + | | + | The columns of THE AMERICAN CHEMIST are open for the | + | reception of original articles from any part of the country, | + | subject to approval of the editor. Letters of inquiry on any | + | points of interest within the scope of the Journal will | + | receive prompt attention. | + | | + | THE AMERICAN CHEMIST | + | | + | Is a Journal of especial interest to | + | | + | SCHOOLS AND MEN OF SCIENCE, TO COLLEGES, | + | APOTHECARIES, DRUGGISTS, PHYSICIANS | + | ASSAYERS, DYERS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, | + | MANUFACTURERS, | + | | + | And all concerned in scientific pursuits. | + | | + | Subscription, $5.00 per annum, in advance; | + | 50 cts. per number. Specimen copies, 25 cts. | + | | + | Address WILLIAM BALDWIN & CO., | + | | + | Publishers and Proprietors. | + | | + | 434 Broome Street, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | J. NICKINSON | + | | + | begs to announce to the friends of | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO," | + | | + | residing in the country, that, for their convenience, he has | + | made arrangements by which, on receipt of the price of | + | | + | ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED, | + | | + | the same will be forwarded, postage paid. | + | | + | Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our Publishing | + | Houses, can have the same forwarded by inclosing two | + | stamps. | + | | + | OFFICE OF | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street. | + | | + | [P.O. Box 2783.] | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HENRY L. STEPHENS, | + | | + | ARTIST, | + | | + | No. 160 FULTON STREET, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | GEO. B. BOWLEND, | + | | + | Draughtsman & Designer | + | | + | No. 160 Fulton Street, | + | | + | Room No. 11, NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +PREFACE + +"HALF a year, half a year, half a year onward," has PUNCHINELLO advanced +since he wafted his first number to the four quarters of the globe. + +His road has not been a very easy one to travel. + +Bad characters lurked behind the fences, from which they would sometimes +take a sneak shot at the Showman as he passed. These fellows were +awfully bad shots, though, never so much as hitting the van in which the +show travels. PUNCHINELLO'S return fire always set the scamps +a-scampering, and all they had for their pains was the loss of their +ammunition, and the discovery that the row kicked up by them had +attracted crowds of people to the spot, so that PUNCHINELLO'S show was +capitally advertised by their noise. + +PUNCHINELLO'S First Volume, then, is a substantial fact. It is an +entirely new, original, and complete article, which no family should be +without. + +Read what the New York _Moon that Shines for All_ says about it: + +"Put a head on yourself by reading PUNCHINELLO, Vol. 1. It is by far the +best tonic bitters in the market. It cured the editor of this paper of a +very malignant attack, (made by himself on PUNCHINELLO,) after three +applications." + +Several gentle critics predicted an early death for PUNCHINELLO on +account of the buff color selected by him for his full dress costume. +Ha! ha! gentlemen, many a blow falls harmless on the wearer of a +buff-jerkin. As the old poet, whose name we have forgotten, might have +said, had he been in the humor--"He who will cuff it, Eke should buff +it,"--a maxim to which PUNCHINELLO gives his cordial adhesion. + +And now comes PUNCHINELLO to the beginning of his Second Volume, +encouraged by the success of his First. + +If Vol. I of PUNCHINELLO was a _Chassepot_, (and it _did_ make some +havoc in the ranks of the enemy,) Vol. II is intended to be a +_mitrailleuse_. It will be so arranged as to combine total annihilation +with bewitching music. For instance, by turning one of the cranks by +which it is worked, PUNCHINELLO will be able to project a shower of such +mortiferous missiles against all abettors of crime and vice, all quacks, +political and social, all corrupt officials, all Congress, (except the +Right Party,) all torpid fogies and peddlers of red tape, all humbugs of +every size and shape, in fact, as will speedily reduce them to ashes. +Then, by skilfully manipulating the other crank, he can produce from it +strains of such mellifluous harmony that the very telegraph-poles will +throng around him, as erstwhile did the trees of the forest around +ORPHEUS, and tender their services for the transmission of his melting +music to all the beautiful places on Earth. It is hardly necessary to +say that "Hail Columbia" is the very first tune on the cylinder of +PUNCHINELLO'S musical _mitrailleuse_. + +With his mind's eye, (an apparatus expressly constructed for and fitted +to his mental organization by a renowned necromancer,) PUNCHINELLO sees +his Public surging towards him, and grasping with outstretched hands at +the showers of _bon bons_ with which he plentifully supplies them from +an inexhaustible casket. + +Among them are thousands of familiar forms, and these are mostly in the +front. After these come several thousands of new forms, all pressing +forward upon the heels of the others with an eagerness that augurs for +PUNCHINELLO Vol II a tremendous and unparalleled success. Each of these +good people carries four dollars ($4) in his right hand, which he waves +at PUNCHINELLO, who affably accepts the greenbacks from him when within +proper distance, and then, dipping his pen in ink without a drop of gall +in it, books the donor for a year's subscription in advance. + +As for party, PUNCHINELLO knows but one party--and that is the Right +Party. Stirring times are before us. The Right Party is not going to lie +down and sleep while the times are stirring. Nor is PUNCHINELLO. When +anything that interests the Right Party has got to be stirred, +PUNCHINELLO will be on hand. He has been so long used to starring it, +that he makes light of stirring it. He can stir with a red-hot poker and +he can stir with a feather,--"You pays your money and you takes your +choice." + +And now, having stirred the spirit within him to a demonstrative pitch, +PUNCHINELLO shies his cocked hat into space, and calls upon his Public +to give three rousing cheers for the + +RIGHT PARTY. + + + * * * * * + +Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Office of the Librarian of +Congress at Washington. + + * * * * * + +THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. + +AN ADAPTATION. + +BY ORPHEUS C. KERR. + +CHAPTER XX. + +AN ESCAPE. + +The bewildered Flowerpot had no sooner gained her own room, enjoyed her +agitated expression of face in the mirror, and tried four differently +colored ribbon-bows upon her collar in succession, than the thought of +becoming Mr. BUMSTEAD'S bride lost the charm of its first wild novelty, +and became utterly ridiculous. He was a man of commanding stature, which +his linen "duster" made appear still more long; the dark circles around +his eyes would disappear in time, and he had an abusive way of referring +to women which made him inexpressibly grand to women as a true +poet-soul; but would it be safe, would it be religiously right, for a +young girl, not yet conscious of her own full power of annual monetary +expenditure, to blindly risk her necessary expenses for life upon one +whom the cost of a single imported bonnet, in the contingency of a +General European War, might plunge into inextricable pecuniary +embarrassment? Possibly, the General European War might not occur in an +ordinary married-lifetime, as France was no longer in a condition to +menace England, Russia would be wary about provoking the new Prussian +giant, and Austria and Italy were not likely soon to forget their last +military misadventures; yet, while all the great American journals had, +for the last twenty years, published daily editorials, by young writers +from the country, to show that such a War could not possibly be averted +longer than about the day after tomorrow, would it be judicious for a +young girl to marry as though that War were absolutely impossible? No! +Her woman's heart sternly reiterated the pitilessly negative; and, as +the Ritualistic organist had plainly evinced an earnest intention to let +no foreign military complications prevent her marriage with him, she +felt that her only safety from his matrimonial violence must be sought +in flight. + +With whom, though, could she take refuge? If she went to MAGNOLIA +PENDRAGON, all her dearest schoolmates would say, that they had always +loved her, despite her great faults, yet could not disguise from +themselves that she seemed at last to be fairly running after Miss +PENDRAGON'S brother. Besides, Mr. BUMSTEAD, offended by the seeming want +of confidence in him evinced by her flight, would, probably, take +measures publicly to identify MAGNOLIA'S alpaca garment with the +covering of his lost umbrella, and thus direct new suspicion against a +sister and brother already bothered almost into hysterics. + +During the last few weeks, an attack of dyspepsia had laid the +foundation of a mind in the Flowerpot, as it generally does in other +young female American boarding-school thinkers, and she was now capable +of that subtle line of reasoning which is the great commendation of her +sex to a recognized perfect intellectual equality with man. Once +decided, by her apprehension of a General European War, against marriage +with J. BUMSTEAD, she took a rather irritable view of that too +attractive devotional musician, and inferred, from his not being wealthy +enough to stand the test of possible transatlantic hostilities, that he +must, himself, have killed EDWIN DROOD. His umbrella, it was well known, +had been present at that fatal Christmas dinner; and a thoughtless +insult offered to it, even by his nephew, might have made a demon of +him. Suppose that EDWIN, upon returning to the dining-room that night, +after his temporary exercise in the open air with MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON, +had found his uncle, flushed with cloves, endeavoring to force a social +glass of lemon tea upon the umbrella, under the impression that it was a +person, and had unthinkingly accused him thereat of being momentarily +unsettled in his faculties? Probably, then, hot words would have passed +between them; each telling the other that he would have a nice headache +in the morning and find it impossible not to look very sleepy even if he +fixed his hair ever so elaborately. Blows might have followed: the +uncle, in his anger, hewing the nephew limb from limb with the carving +knife from the table, and subsequently carrying away the remains to the +Pond and there casting them in. Suppose, in his natural excitement, the +uncle had hurriedly used the umbrella, opened and held downward, to +carry the remains in; and, after coming home again, and snatching a nap +under the table, had forgotten all about it, and thus been ever since +inconsolable for his alpaca loss? As the young orphan argued thus +exhaustively to herself, the extreme probability of her suppositions +made her more and more frenzied to fly instantly beyond the reach of one +who, in the event of a General European War, would not be a husband whom +her head could approve. + +After penning a hasty farewell note to Miss CAROWTHERS, to the effect +that urgent military reasons obliged her to see her guardian at once, +FLORA lost no time in packing a small leather satchel for travel. Two +bottles of hair oil, a jar of glycerine, one of cold cream, two boxes of +powder, a package of extra back-hair, a phial of belladonna, a +camel's-hair brush for the eyebrows, a rouge-saucer for pinking the +nails, four flasks of perfumery, a depilatory in a small flagon, and +some tooth paste, were the only articles she could pause to collect for +her precipitate escape; and, with them in the satchel on her arm, and a +bonnet and shawl hurriedly thrown on, she stole away down-stairs, and +thus from the house. + +Hastening to the Roach House, from whence started an omnibus for the +ferry, she was quickly rattling out of Bumsteadville in a vehicle +remarkable for the great number and variety of noises it could make when +maddened into motion by a span of equine rivals in an immemorial +walking-match. + +"Now, BONNER," she said to the driver, taking leave of him at the +ferry-boat, "be sure and let Miss CAROWTHERS know that you saw me safely +off, and that I was not a bit more tired than if I had walked all the +way." + +Blushing with pleasure at the implied compliment to his equipage from +such lips, the skilled horseman had not the heart to object to the +wildly mutilated fragment of currency with which his fare had been paid, +and went back to where his steeds were taking turns in holding each +other up, as happy a man as ever lost money by the change in woman. + +Reaching the city, Miss POTTS was promptly worshiped by a hackman of +marked conversational powers, who, whip in hand, assured her that his +carriage was widely celebrated under the titles of the "Rocking Chair," +the "Old Shoe," and the "Glider," on account of its incredible ease of +motion; and that, owing to its exquisite abbreviation of travel to the +emotions, those who rode in it had actually been known to dispute that +they had ridden even half the distance for which they were charged. Did +he know where Mr. DIBBLE, the lawyer, lived, in Nassau Street, near +Fulton? If she meant lawyer DIBBLE, near Fulton Street, in Nassau, next +door but one to the second house below, and directly opposite the +building across the way, there was just one span of buckskin horses in +the city that could take a carriage built expressly for ladies to that +place, as naturally as though it were a stable. It was a place that +he--the hackman--always associated with his own mother, because he was +so familiar with it in childhood, and had often thought of driving to it +blindfolded for a wager. + +Proud to learn that her guardian was so well known in the great city, +and delighted that she had met a charioteer so minutely familiar with +his house of business, FLORA stepped readily into the providential hack, +which thereupon instantly began Rocking-Chair-ing, Old-Shoe-ing, and +Gliding. Any one of these celebrated processes, by itself, might have +been desirable; but their indiscriminate and impetuous combination in +the present case gave the Flowerpot a confused impression that her whole +ride was a startling series of incessant sharp turns around obdurate +street corners, and kept her plunging about like an early young +Protestant tossed in a Romish blanket. Instinctively holding her satchel +aloft, to save its fragile contents from fracture, she rocked, shoed and +glided all over the interior of the vehicle, without hope of gaining +breath enough for even one scream, until, nearly unconscious, and, with +her bonnet driven half-way into her chignon, she was helped out by the +hackman at her guardian's door. + +"I am dying!" she groaned. + +"Then please remember me in your will, to the extent of two dollars," +returned the hackman with much humor. "You're only a little sea-sick, +miss; as often happens to people in humble circumstances when they ride +in a kerridge for the first time." + +Still panting, Miss POTTS paid and discharged this friendly man, and, +weariedly entering the building, followed the signs up-stairs to her +guardian's office. + +After knocking several times at the right door without reply, she turned +the knob, and entered so softly that the venerable lawyer was not +aroused from the slumber into which he had fallen in his chair by the +window. With a copy of _Putnam's Magazine_ still grasped in his honest +right hand, good Mr. DIBBLE slept like a drugged person; nor could the +young girl awaken him until, by a happy inspiration, she had snatched +away the monthly and cast it through the casement. + +"Am I dreaming?" exclaimed the aged man, when thus suddenly rescued from +his deadly lethargy at last "Is that you, my dear; or are you your late +mother?" + +"I am your ridiculously unhappy ward," answered the Flowerpot, +tremulously. "Oh, poor, dear, absurd EDDY!" + +"And you have come here all alone?" + +"Yes; and to escape being married to EDDY'S perfectly hateful uncle, who +has the same as ordered me to become his utterly disgusted bride. Oh, +why is it, why is it, that I must be thus persecuted by young men +without property! Why is it that perfectly horrid madmen on salaries are +allowed to claim me as their own!" + +"My dear," cried the old lawyer, leading her to a chair, and striving to +speak soothingly, "if Mr. BUMSTEAD desires to marry you he must indeed +be insane. Such a man ought really to be confined," he continued, pacing +thoughtfully up and down the room. "This must have been the idea that +was already turning his brain when--bless my soul!--he actually +intimated, first, that I, and then, that Mr. SIMPSON, had killed his +nephew!" + +"He thinks, now, that I, or MAGNOLIA PENDRAGON, may have done it,--the +hateful creature!" said FLORA, passionately. + +"I see, I see," assented Mr. DIBBLE, nodding. "When he has you in his +head, my dear, he himself must clearly be out of it. You shall stay here +and take tea with me, and then I will take you to FRENCH'S Hotel for +your accommodation during the night." + +It was a sight to see him tenderly help her off with her bonnet; and +suggestive to hear him say, that if a man could only take off his brains +as easily as a woman hers, what a relief it would be to him +occasionally. It was curious to see him peep into her bottle-filled +satchel, with an old man's freedom; and to hear him audibly wonder +thereat, whether, after all, men were any more addicted than women to +the social glass when they wanted to put a better face on affairs. And, +after the waiter bringing him toast and tea from a neighboring +restaurant had brought an additional slice and cup for the guest, it was +pleasant to behold him smiling across the office-table at that guest, +and encouraging her to eat as much as she would if a member of his sex +were not looking. + +"It must be absurdly ridiculous to stay here all alone, as you do, sir," +observed FLORA. + +"But I am not always alone," answered Mr. DIBBLE. "My clerk, Mr. +BLADAMS, now taking a vacation in the country, is generally here though, +to be sure, I may lose him before long. He's turned literary." + +"How perfectly frightful!" said Miss POTTS. + +"He has set up for a genius, my child, and is now engaged upon a great +American novel. Discontented with the law, he is giving great attention +to this; but Free Trade will not, I am afraid, allow any American +publisher to bring it out." + +"Free Trade?" repeated FLORA. + +"Yes, my dear, Free Trade; that is, while American publishers can steal +foreign novels for nothing, they are not going to pay anything for +native fiction." + +Yawning behind her hand, the Flowerpot murmured something about Free +Trade being positively absurd, and her guardian went on: + +"Nevertheless, Mr. BLADAMS is going on-with his work, which he calls +'The Amateur Detective;' and if it ever does come out you shall have a +copy.--But, by the by," added the lawyer, suddenly, "you have not yet +fully described to me the interview in which poor Mr. EDWIN'S uncle +offered to become your husband." + +She gave him a full history of the Ritualistic organist's handsome offer +to her of his H. and H.; adding her own final decision in the matter as +precipitated by the possibility of a General European war; and Mr. +DIBBLE heard the whole with an air of studious attention. + +"Although I have certainly no particular reason for befriending Mr. +BUMSTEAD," said he, reflectively, "I shall take measures to keep him +from you. Now come with me to FRENCH'S Hotel. To-morrow I will call +there for you, you know, and then, perhaps, you may be taken to see your +friend, Miss PENDRAGON." + +Having obtained for his ward a room in the hotel named, and seen her +safely to its shelter, the good old lawyer visited the bar-room of the +establishment, for the purpose of ascertaining whether any evil-disposed +person could get in through that way for the disturbance of his fair +charge. After which he departed for his home in Gowanus. + +(_To be Continued.) + + * * * * * + +MOTTO FOR ALL GOOD CUBANS.--"The labor we delight in physics (S)pain." + + * * * * * + +THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. + +Punctually as announced, the FIFTH AVENUE THEATRE has re-opened. It has +been improved by the addition of several private boxes that remind one +of the square pews in old-fashioned churches, (by the way, why do +Puseyites object to pews?) and by the erection of a hydrant near the +conductor's seat, so that when the audience can endure STOEPEL'S music +no longer, they can turn on the water and drown him and his long-winded +orchestra. This latter improvement meets with our hearty approval, and +we earnestly hope to see it put to the excellent use for which it is +designed without further delay. Manager DALY is now offering to his +patrons the new comedy of _Man and Wife_. The old-fashioned play of that +name, which is daily acted everywhere about us, is usually more of a +tragedy than a comedy, but Mr. DALY'S _Man and Wife_ is comedy, farce, +muscular christianity, and paralysis pleasantly mingled together. As +thus: + +ACT I.--GEOFFREY DELAMAYN _and his brother are seen conversing in an +arbor. (Don't let the printer imagine that I mean Ann Arbor. It was bad +enough in_ WILKIE COLLINS _to banish his dramatis personae to Scotland; +but he was nevertheless too humane to send them to Michigan_.) + +JULIUS DELAMAYN. "GEOFFREY, you really must do something. The unmannerly +people who are just coming into the theatre make such a noise that I +couldn't be heard if I took the trouble to preach to you for an hour, so +I won't attempt to make my meaning any clearer." + +GEOFFREY. "I will or I won't, I forget which. However, the audience +can't hear. We've got a pretty good house here to-night I wonder if my +muscles really show to any extent. Here comes LADY LUNDIE and her +friends." + +LADY LUNDIE. "I choose everybody to play croquet on my side. The rest +may play on BLANCHE'S side. Miss SYLVESTER, you look as if you could not +stand alone. Therefore I order you to play." + +ANNIE SYLVESTER. "Madame, I will. GEOFFREY, meet me here in ten minutes, +or you'll be sorry for it." (Exit everybody. ANNIE and GEOFFREY +returning on tip-toe.) + +ANNIE. "You must marry me this afternoon. Meet me at the inn on the +moor." + +GEOFFREY. "I won't cross the moor with you. DESDEMONA foolishly crossed +the Moor, and came to grief in consequence. I take warning by her. I +hate you, but I suppose I must marry you, or you'll sell all my letters +to the _Sun_."--(_They go out to be married_.) + +ARNOLD _enters and makes love to_ BLANCHE. SIR PATRICK _does the comic +business with_ LEWIS'S _usual humor_. (_What a nice man_ LEWIS _must be +for girls to quarrel with; he "makes up" so nicely--this is a joke_.) +LADY LUNDIE _enters and announces that_ ANNIE _is no longer her +governess, that misguided person having thrown up her situation, for the +irrational reason that it was an interesting one, and having fled in the +silence of the after-dinner hour. Shrieks of horror from the young +ladies, who desist from knocking their croquet-balls into the orchestra +and the proscenium boxes; and triumphant falling of a new act-drop_. +STOEPEL, _having thought of a sweet passage for the fife, in a Chinese +opera, plays it uninterruptedly for forty-five minutes. A deaf old +gentleman approvingly remarks that this is really classical music_. + +ACT II.--_A storm at the inn on the Moor_. Miss SYLVESTER _waits for +her_ GEOFFREY _and her tea. Enter_ ARNOLD. + +ARNOLD. " GEOFFREY can't come, so he has sent me. I know your situation, +and shall have to feel for you if it gets much darker and they don't +bring candles. That is, if I'm to shake hands with you. I have told +everybody here that you are my wife. Let's have a little game of +seven-up, and pass the time profitably." + +ANNIE. "Oh, villain (I mean GEOFFREY,) you have de-ser-er-erted me. Oh, +rash young person, (I mean you, ARNOLD,) I'm inclined to think that +you've married me by Scotch law, without having meant it. If so, you'll +have to go to America and see BEECHER about a divorce." (_Curtain +subsequently falls, and_ STOEPEL _orders the big drum to beat for an +hour, while the musicians take advantage of the noise to tune their +instruments.) Deaf old gentleman remarks again that he does like_ +WAGNER'S _music. Half the audience hold their ears, while the other half +flee madly away until the entr' acte is over_. + +ACT III.--GEOFFREY _boxes with his trainer, and slings Indian clubs and +wooden dumb-bells_. + +GEOFFREY. "There! Thank heaven I didn't break anything. The scenery, the +footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the week is out, +however, if this prize-ring business isn't cut out. Here comes ARNOLD." + +ARNOLD. "How's Miss SYLVESTER?" + +GEOFFREY. "If you say anything more about her, I'll put a head on you. +She's your wife. You're a married man." + +ARNOLD. "_Married_! You infamous editor of a two cent daily paper; I +deny it. (_Curtain again falls, and_ STOEPEL _plays the entire opera of_ +ERNANI _for two hours. Deaf old gentleman remarks that music is the_ +STOEPEL _entertainment at this theatre, and that he really likes it. The +rest of the audience look at him with horror, as though he were a sort +of aggravated and superfluous cannibal_.) + +ACT IV.--_Sir_ PATRICK _proves that_ GEOFFREY _is married to_ ANNIE, +_and that_ ARNOLD _isn't_. GEOFFREY _takes his weeping wife home with +him. Everybody finds out that_ GEOFFREY _is an enormous liar and an +unmitigated blackguard. Through the open windows are seen the editors of +the Sun and the Free Press, each determined to be the first to offer_ +GEOFFREY _a place on the staff of his respective journal. The curtain +falls and_ STOEPEL _directs each member of the orchestra to play the +tune that he may like best. After three hours of this sort of thing a +humane person in the audience brings in a saw and begins to file it. The +rest of the audience are thereupon gently lulled to sleep by the music +of the file--so soft and soothing does it sound by contrast with_ +STOEPEL'S _demoniac orchestra._ + +ACT V.--ANNIE, _in the midst of misery and a gorgeous silk dress with +lace trimmings, is seen going to bed in her best clothes, and without +taking her hair down--this being the well-known custom among fashionably +dressed girls_. GEOFFREY _enters and attempts to strangle her, but she +is awakened by the considerate forethought of a dumb woman, who loudly +calls her, and_ GEOFFREY _conveniently lies down and dies of paralysis. +All the rest of the dramatis personae enter, and indulge in exclamations +of joy. The curtain falls for the last time, and_ STOEPEL _is removed +under the protection of a strong platoon of policemen, to the secret +abode where_ DALY _keeps him hidden during the day from the wrath of an +outraged public_. + +And the undersigned goes home to breakfast--it being now nearly 6 +A.M.--reflecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the +scenery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the +play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,) +the pluck of the young manager, and the unredeemed badness of the +orchestra, as it is conducted by Mr. STOEPEL. Tell me, gentle DALY, +tell; why in the name of all that is intelligent, do you let STOEPEL +transform each _entr' acte_ at your theatre into a prolonged purgatory, +by the villainous way in which he plays the most execrable music, for +the most intolerable periods of time? + +MATADOR. + + * * * * * + +L. N. IN PRUSSIA. + + Yes, I am quite upset; + In fact, I'm dizzy yet + With all that rapid riding, day and night; + But still, two things I see; + They've made an end of Me, + And blown the Empire higher than a kite! + + Yes, here I am, at last-- + And all my dreams are past. + didn't think to enter Prussia thus! + Confound that "Vorwarts" man! + When first the war began + He seemed as logy as an omnibus. + + Faugh! smell the Sweitzer Kaise! + The same in every place, eh? + How these big Germans love an ugly stench! + My! what a taste they've got + For articles that rot; + And can it be, they live so near the French? + + I'm in a pretty nest! + And, worse than all the rest, + Is thinking how I got here; there's the rub. + When I have mused awhile + On all my luck, so vile, + I almost wish they'd hit me with a club! + + It's very well to say-- + "I might have won the day, + If things had only gone this way or that;" + I should have _made_ them go, + And let these Germans know + That _they_ must go, too! or be cut down flat. + + They didn't go, it seems; + Except 'twas in my dreams! + And, consequently, I must bid good bye + To titles, power and state, + Which I enjoyed of late, + And curse my dismal fate--poor Louis and I! + + * * * * * + +THE PLYMOUTH ROCK. + +The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand of +society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one to +believe that Mr. PUNCHINELLO does not like a little fresh air. And +surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize no one's social +standing if the thing is not repeated too often. At least so thought Mr. +P., and he determined, one fine morning last week, that he would hurry +up his business as fast as possible, and take a trip on Col. FISK'S +steamboat to Sandy Hook. A man calling with a bundle of puns detained +him so long that he found that he would not be able to reach the 11 A.M. +boat without he made unusual haste. + +Rushing into the street, therefore, he hailed a passing hack, and +ordered the driver to take him, as quickly as possible, to the Plymouth +Rock. + +When the carriage stopped, and the man opened the door, Mr. P. rubbed +his eyes, for he had fallen into a doze, on the way, and sprang hastily +out. + +But what a sight met his gaze! + +Before him was the hack, covered with mud and dust, and the horses in a +position indicating utter exhaustion: to his right lay a huge +unsymmetrical stone, while behind him rolled the heaving waters of Cape +Cod bay! The man had mistaken his directions, and had driven him to JOHN +CARVER'S old Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, instead of JAMES FISK Jr.'s +steamboat at Pier 28, North River. + +"There's the rock, yer honor," said the man, pointing to the mis-shapen +stone, "and an awful time I've had a drivin' yer honor to it." + +"How long have you been, coming here?" asked the astounded Mr. P. + +"Nigh on to three days, yer honor, and I drove as fast as I could, +hopin' to get back by the Sunday in time for the Centhral Park, but I +had to stop sometimes for feed and wather, and it's no use me whippin' +up afther all, for sorra the good them horses will be for the Centhral +Park on the Sunday." + +"And how much do I owe you for all this?" asked Mr. P. + +"Well, sir," said the man, "I won't charge your honor nothin' for the +feed and my victuals, for I'd had to have found them if yer hadn't a +hired me; and I'll only charge ye three dollars a hour, for sure yer +honor never give me the least thruble, slapeing there as swate as an +infant all the time, and that'll be jist two hundred and four dollars, +and if yet honor could give me a thrifle besides to drink yer health, +I'd be obliged to yer honor." + +Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, and the +rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars and +twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and declared +his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about forty miles +away, and taking the railroad for New York + +"If I don't, ye see, yer honor, I'll never get back in time for the +Sunday; and the horses will be restin' in the cars." + +As the man made his preparations and departed, Mr. P. stood and watched +him until he slowly faded out of sight. + +When he had entirely disappeared, Mr. P. sat down upon the rock and +reflected. Now that he was here, what had he best do? He had never seen +the rock before, and as it struck him that possibly some of his patrons +might be in the same unfortunate condition, he concluded that he would +take a few sketches of it for their benefit. But he did not succeed very +well. The first drawing he made had a strange appearance. It looked more +like an old woman tied to a post, and surrounded by what seemed to be +flames, than anything else. This surely was not a correct view of this +famous rock, and so Mr. P. commenced another sketch. This, however, +looked so much like a man with a broad-brimmed hat, hanging by his neck +to a rope, that he concluded to try again. + +His next sketch bore a striking resemblance to something that certainly +did not seem like a rock, but which, after some deliberation, he found +to look very much like a shrinking Southern negro, forced into the ranks +to supply the place of a citizen of Massachusetts. Everybody might not +be able to see this, but Mr. P. thought he perceived it plainly. + +The last sketch made by Mr. P. somewhat resembled one whose connection +with "The Plymouth Rock" has certainly been of more practical benefit to +the public than that of any of the " old founders," or anybody else--at +least so far as Mr. P. can see. If any one doubts this, let him ask +General GRANT. + +Now should his readers see anything at all suggestive of sober and +beneficial reflection in these sketches, Mr. P.'s visit to Plymouth Rock +was not made in vain. + + * * * * * + +A LETTER FROM L. N. + +DEAR PUNCHINELLO: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time hence, it +should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of writing this +letter, you will please understand that I wasn't there, at that moment, +having had a little business to transact with my good friend WILLIAMS, +of PRUSSIA. I am at present engaged upon a tour of the German States in +the company of a pleasant little excursion party, who met me at Sedan, +and received me warmly. + +Everybody seems glad to greet me, particularly at this time, and all +express regrets that I couldn't have come earlier in the season. They +are aware of the interest I have ever felt in the great German people, +and I am assured they welcome with enthusiasm my pet theory of the +solidarity of nations. + +I intend remaining here awhile, feeling sure that there is nothing to +call me homeward for the present. The truth is, my friend, I am getting +weaned of the French people. So soon as my obligations to my very good +friends in Prussia will permit, you may look for me in New York. Yes, +dear PUNCHINELLO, greatest and beet of Philosophers! expect to see me +walking into your Sanctum one of these fine mornings,--probably with my +son LOUIS,--delighted to see you, and glad to turn my back on those +scenes so long familiar, which, in their new and popular dress, could +hardly be expected to afford me much exhilaration. + +From an inferior man, I should expect officious and quite gratuitous +commiseration over the fate of the late Empire. You, however, will +readily perceive it to be possible that I should rather be +congratulated. You would not exchange your dignified leisure, your +careless toils, for the best of sovereignties. Why, then, should I, who +have made you my exemplar, feel a pang at parting with a sceptre which +for years has only tired my hand? + +I picture myself seated with my family on the heights at Weehawken, +smoking a good cigarette, and musing on the affairs of nations as I +watch the flow of that superb river (as much finer than the Rhine, my +friend, as wine is finer than lagerbier!) which I have often, in days +gone by, admired and extolled by the hour. + +I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son the Prince +of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the Inevitable. + +And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable that I was +always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable Prussian. But I +have faced much more terrible things. In your very city of Hoboken, I +have stood face to face with a German creditor! Will any one henceforth +doubt my fortitude? + +I have one rather comforting reflection, apropos to that _rencontre._ I +have taken care to arm myself against future assaults of that nature. I +am Gold-Plated. + +If your highly-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict me in a +connection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make a sketch +entitled: "The Two Exiles,"--one of whom may be,my Uncle at St. Helena; +the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of wine at my +side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PUNCHINELLO in the other! + +But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the (d)evil +thereof. + +Royally yours, + +L. N. + + * * * * * + +Maxim for the next new President. + +"A place for everybody, and everybody in his place." + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: ON COLOR. + +_Cousin Bella, (admiring picture.)_ "HOW IS IT, FRED, THAT YOU PRODUCE +SUCH LOVELY COLOR, AND WITH SO MUCH FACILITY?" + +_Fred, (thinking of his meerschaum.)_ "I DON'T TELL EVERYBODY THAT, YOU +INQUISITIVE TEASE, BUT FACT IS, I PUT THE STUMP OF AN OLD PAINT-BRUSH IN +THE BOWL, AND SMOKE THE OILIEST TOBACCO I CAN FIND."] + + * * * * * + +THE BATTLE AT SEDAN. + +Special Correspondence of Punchinello. + +(This paper is the only paper on the planet which has a correspondent at +the seat of war, wherever that seat may be. The following dispatch was +sent to us by cable at a total expense of $21,000.) + +It was a still, calm night, the glorious moon was sailing through the +sky; the river was running water; the clouds were cloudy; the soldiers +were soldiering. I stepped out of my tent and tumbled over VON MOLTKE. +He took my arm and invited me to the tent of the Crown Prince. + +"MOLTY," said I, "what's your little game?" + +"Penny ante," replied he. + +"_Tres bien,_" added I. + +"You are a French spy. Ha! ha!" said he, grasping my collar. "Ho! Ho!" + +"_Das ish goot,_" added I. + +"Then you're Dutch," sighed he, dropping me like a hot pair of tongs. + +In the tent we found the King, the Crown Prince, Gen. STEINMETZ, Gen. +SHERIDAN, and Gen. FORSYTH. + +"MOLTY," said I, "introduce me to the King." + +"BILL," said he, "this is JENKINS." + +BILL held out his foot and I took a suck at his great toe. + +Then we went at the game. BILL is pretty good at it, but then he doesn't +stand any chance beside MOLTY. The Crown Prince lost at least fourteen +cents, and, just as he had a splendid opportunity to retrieve his +losses, in came an aide, who announced that the French had squatted. + +"Where?" cried VON MOLTKE. + +"In Sedan," replied the aide. + +"I knew it," said MOLTY. "BILL, I told you they had no horses for a +regular carriage." + +Then we went out. The King invited me to sit in his carriage with MOLTY +and SHERIDAN. We reached the scene of war. + +The moon shone; the mountains were mountainous; the trees were treey; +and the soft September breeze was breezy. BISMARCK came up and asked the +King to let him cut behind. + +"BIS," said I, "take my seat; I'll take a trip to the French camp." + +So I tripped over to the French camp and found things somewhat mixed. +The moon shone. Steadily the Prussian troops advanced; and, with a +heroism worthy of a better cause, the French retreated. The Emperor +wanted to die in the rear of his men. + +"NAP," said I, "you'd better get up and get. The Prussians are coming." + +"JENKINS," said he, "kiss me for my mother, I'm betrayed." + +"Why didn't you have more cheesepots?" said I. + +"I'll surrender," said he, "get out a white flag." + +So I took one of EUGENIE'S old pocket-handkerchiefs which I found in the +tent, stuck it on the end of the sabre of the nephew of his uncle, put +NAP in the carriage, jumped in myself and drove to the Prussian camp. +The moon shone; all nature smiled; the rivers were rivery; the Sedans +were chairy. + +BILL received us very coolly at first, but I gave BIS the wink, and he +suggested to his Majesty that he'd better take the Emperor prisoner. + +"NAP," said BILL, "is the game up?" + +"BILL," said NAP, "you've scored the game. I leave my old clothes to the +Regent. I hope she'll like the breeches." + +Then he treated to cigarettes, and we all went back to our game of penny +ante. NAP wouldn't join us. He said he'd just been playing a game with +crowns ante and he was busted. We'd hardly got the cards dealt, when +BILL turned to BISMARCK and asked, "I say, BIS, won't you run over and +telegraph to the old woman something about our FRITZ?" + +"Let JENKINS go," said BIS. + +Of course I assented to the proposition. + +"Where the devil is FRITZ?" said BILL. + +"Oh, he's been sleeping for the last two hours," said MOLTKE. + +"Never mind," said BILL, "telegraph a victory by FRITZ." + +So I telegraphed, + +"A great victory has been won by our FRITZ. What great things have we +done for ourselves! We'll keep it up, old woman, + +(Signed) BILL." + +When I reached the tent everybody was asleep. NAP was reclining +gracefully on the breast of BISMARCK, as affectionately as if they were +brothers-in-law. The moon shone; the sky was skyey; the hills were +hilly; and all nature was getting up. + +Anybody who says the above did not come over the cable lies, wickedly, +maliciously lies, with intent to deceive. As soon as JACK SMITH'S smack +sails, I'll send you a piece of the cable it came over. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: Mr. Bull: The Sutler of the World] + + * * * * * + +HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM + +He Reviews the Career of a Lunatic. -- A Graduate with Nice Ideas. + +KING WILYAM, Most noble Loonatic: + +_We gates all der while!_ Accordin' to the Marine Cable, I understand +you've given old BONEY a _slosh on der cope mit der Sweitzer case;_ or +in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON has taken his Umpire, +and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit of Judge or Jewry. + +I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the Umpire +tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in his +panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his +nabors. + +I've allers heard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the French say +you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, "Be be Jost or Gobler damed," +to cote from our friend BILLY SHAKESPEER. + +We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, mor'en +once. + +If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can wallop his +wife to his heart's content; and if anybody interferes, he can popp him +off with a six shooter, and the law will stand to his back. + +Judges and Jewrys, when tryin' such a man, think he is sum punkins, +while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated Loonatic's +fotograf onto their first page. + +I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the melon-colic, (this +bein' the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of the _pro temper_ +kind? + +I shoulden't wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited it from +your illustrous Antsister, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about as sassy a +Loonatic as you can pick up. + +What _we_ need just now, and what _we_ have needed for a good while, is +a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as minister. + +With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them 'ere little Alabarmy claims +would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this court knows +herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent off howlin', +with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage. + +You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics. Yes, sir! they are the +"Coming man," the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers can't hold a +candle to 'em. + +When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if they'd bust +their biler tryin', then he is sot down as bein' crazy as a loon by his +jelous nabors. + +I haven't heard whether BISMARK'S or FRITZ'S upper storys were shaky, or +not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but what both of +these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FRANCIS TRAIN any day; and +that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin' tragic attitoods, +and repeatin' the follerin well known verses: + + "I am not mad! + I am not mad! + But only on my mussle. + Old NAP'd been glad + If he and King dad + Had never got into a tussle." + +My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose son was so +_bully_ at pickin' up _bullocks,_ is to congratulate you. + +Speakin' after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. Havin' +served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can rely on +my giving a good sound opinion, from which there haint no repeal to a +higher court. + +What do you think of my startin' a college here for the purpus of +edicatin' Loonatics? + +We've got 3 colliges here, Harvard, 'Ale, and the Electoral College, and +a skalier lot of week-kneed timber than these institutions sometimes +turns out, would make you stick to your stomack to look at. + +Stugents are turned out from these asilums with pooty ristocratick idees +into their nozzles. + +I once knew a chap who was a gradooate of one of these institutions of +larning, + +He was more ristocratick than a retired church deekin'. + +When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the funeral, so +he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the corpse to +wear, doorin' the funeral services. + +Thinks I, that was shovin' a good thing rather too deep in the ground, +merely for the sake of pilin' on the agony. + +However, that's the way of the world; larnin' will stick out, and you +can't atop her. + +That son of your'n, FRITZ, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer. + +If he haint in that precarious situation which SARY F. NORTON calls +"mummery," and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good honest +folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he mite go +further and fare a site wusser, than to come over here and examine my +stock of risin' feminine genders. + +Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who understands her biz +as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her gals won't be troubled +to death by keepin' a cook to boss 'em around. + +Doorin' the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin' in the +sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, MARIAR'S +biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal to the way +a big dinner at DELMONICO'S, N.Y., will flop over a New York Alderman. + +The surest way of gettin' round a public man, is via his stomack. + + Like ALADIN'S lamp, you can + By merely givin' a rub, + Bring around most any man, + By fillin' him up with grub. + +But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose quil, and +go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter let me speak +a word for your noble prisoner, L. NAPOLEON, Esq. + +Deal gently with him. + +Altho' he plade the wrong card when he pitched into you, recollect the +old maxum: + +"Never bute a feller when he is down." + +France is better, in a good many respects, for things LEWIS done for +'em. + +But he has gone to the shades, and SHAKSPEER aptly says: + + "The evil which men do, + Lives a darn site longer than + The evil they don't do." + +Which sentiment shode that old SHAKE was a hulsail dealer in human +nater. + +Hopin' that in the days of your prosperity, you wont forgit your poor +relations, sich as _mothers-in-law_ and the like, and when they come to +visit you, you wont say: + +"Nix cum arous," + +I will dry up. + +Ewers anon, + +HIRAM GREEN, Esq., + +_Lait Gustise of the Peece_ + + * * * * * + +THE LOVERS. + +In Different Moods and Tenses. + + SALLY SALTER, she was a young teacher, who taught, + And her friend, CHARLEY CHURCH, was a preacher, who praught; + Though his enemies called him a screecher, who scraught. + + His heart, when he saw her, kept sinking, and sunk, + And his eye, meeting hers, began winking, and wunk; + While she, in her turn, fell to thinking, and thunk. + + He hastened to woo her, and sweetly he wooed, + For his love grew until to a mountain it grewed, + And what he was longing to do, then he doed. + + In secret he wanted to speak, and he spoke, + To seek with his lips what his heart long had soke; + So he managed to let the truth leak, and it loke. + + He asked her to ride to the church, and they rode; + They so sweetly did glide, that they both thought they glode, + And they came to the place to be tied, and were tode. + + Then homeward he said let us drive, and they drove, + And soon as they wished to arrive, they arrove; + For whatever he couldn't contrive, she controve. + + The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole, + At the feet where he wanted to kneel, there he knole, + And he said, " I feel better than ever I fole." + + So they to each other kept clinging, and clung, + While Time his swift circuit was winging, and wung; + And this was the thing he was bringing, and brung. + + The man SALLY wanted to catch, and had caught-- + That she wanted from others to snatch, and had snaught-- + Was the one that she now liked to scratch, and she scraught + + And CHARLEY'S warm love began freezing, and froze, + While he took to teasing, and cruelly toze + The girl he had wished to be squeezing, and squoze. + + "Wretch!" he cried when she threatened to leave him, and left, + "How could you deceive me, as you have deceft?" + And she answered, "I promised to cleave, and I've cleft!" + +AMOS KEETER + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A PRETTY IDEA OF MR. VAN LITTLEDRAM: HE TAKES HIS +YOUNGSTER OUT FOR A SAIL, THUS, AND SAVES THE EXPENSE OF A BOAT.] + + * * * * * + +THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. + +CANTO VII. + + Tom, Tom the Pipers' son, + Stole a Pig, and away he run; + The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat. + And TOM went roaring down the street. + +The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great excitement in +the period in which it occurred, although at the present date it would +not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest ripple on the +glassy calm of our most, sleepy village. + +We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little peccadillo such as +the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a purse, unless it +contains a large amount, and was taken under the most aggravating +circumstances from ourselves. + +A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect hundreds of +people, or a midnight murder executed with the malignancy of a fiend, +will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even that soon +passes out of mind, and society settles back into its imperturbable +apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still further, and +becoming by degrees proof against being stirred by anything that does +not affect ourselves personally. + +Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the +astounding temerity of the Piper's son, in laying felonious hands on the +property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement second +only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later days. + +Poor TOM was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for although he was +the one who committed the crime, he was not the only one who reaped a +benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells us, he was the +only one who was punished therefor; so, while we blame him, let us shed +a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, the others the +eating. The scene is graphically described thusly-- + + "Tom, Tom the Piper's son, + Stole a pig, and away he run." + +Here we see Tom, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, listening +to the witching strains of his father's bagpipe, played by the +industrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, with +the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat that +both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its day +and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought to +bear upon it, TOM'S eyes, roving around from window to door, happen to +light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent +beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for +human rights. + +Alas! TOM is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the +fascinating pig, and he doesn't know how strong his principles are, nor +how far he will go to maintain them. + +He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, the desire +to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a +determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal +that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed +upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it as +a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it tightly +in his hands, and skedaddles. + +The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of piggy is +unnoticed till the red-headed urchin whose playmate it is looks around +for the loved companion, of his childish sports, and finds it not. Great +research, amid loud outcries, is made, resulting only in the conviction +that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace behind. + +TOM, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart swelling +with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the arms of his +maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the dainty prize. +Visions of a luscious supper float through the mind of the female +piperess, as she bestows her motherly benediction upon her thoughtful +son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned lesson of +cooking a sucking pig. + +Having accomplished the "First get your pig" part, the rest comes easy; +and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories are sainted +with an odor that startles him from his generally despondent mood, and +awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an unusual flavor from his +usually flavorless abode. He enters and finds a smiling wife and son, +with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. "What next occurred the Poet +tells us in the laconic words + + "The pig was eat." + +There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the fact was +enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, and this +happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They couldn't eat +them, and they didn't own a dog; so they picked them clean and threw +them away. But, "Murder will out," and the tiny bones told their own +tale. The village detective soon coupled the feet of the missing pig +with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the door of the +musician's abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to the +detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a pig's +bones--a stolen pig's bones, from the fact that the Piper did not earn +enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole the +sucking-pig? + +Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to have any +light-fingered proclivities. + +Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe and could +prove an alibi. + +There was no one left but TOM. Circumstances pointed him out: he loved +good eating and hated work, and had been noticed gazing upon the charms +of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. TOM was the thief, and +the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too uncertain and +expensive, TOM was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was resolved to +take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells us + + "TOM was beat." + +Undoubtedly TOM was glad when they got through, and although he + + "Went roaring down the street," + +it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his bacon. It +was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had no stomach +pumps in those days. + + * * * * * + +Scene.--A. City Restaurant. + +_Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast_.) "Anything more, +sir?" + +_Customer_. "H'm--well--yes; bring me an omelette souffle." + +_Waiter_. "Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessir." + +(_Exit, humming the popular tune_.) + + * * * * * + +Unintentionally Appropriate. + +The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and then +innocently requests the "False Reporting" _Tribune_ to copy it! + + * * * * * + +BY GEORGE! + +(_Continued_.) + +LAKE GEORGE, Sept 5. + +DEAR PUNCHINELLO:--In my last I promised to finish my trip on the Lake +and give you some reliable rumors about the "Rogers' Slide." + +I am prepared to do this to-day, in a happy and congratulatory frame of +mind. + +I have had breakfast this morning. + +When I say this I mean that I have had this morning's breakfast this +morning. + +Any one who has achieved so remarkable a success, at this place, can +safely plume himself on his patience and physical endurance. + +For instance, this morning, for the first time, I ordered broiled Spring +Chicken. + +The waiter gave me a disconsolate look and proceeded to gird up his +loins with a base ball belt. + +In a few moments he dashed past the window in hot pursuit of a fowl of +venerable appearance, but of a style of going that would have put to +shame any ostrich that Dr. LIVINGSTONE ever saw. + +I asked the head waiter if he called that a _Spring Chicken_? + +He said he guessed that chicken could out-Spring any chicken in the +place. + +This clears up another great hotel mystery. + +The man outflanked this gentle birdling on the eighth time round, in +6.23, which is considered very good indeed, and beats the time of the +late Harvard and Yale "Foul" considerably. + +I say "outflanked," because it is not the intention of these sunny +Amendments to put an end to these feathery Dexters immediately, but to +drive them into the ten-pin alley, where they are leisurely bowled to an +untimely end. As, however, pony balls are generally used, and there are +always half a dozen darkies standing around ready to bet that the +chicken won't be killed in forty balls, or sixty, as the case may be, +this part of the process is rather tedious to the guest + +Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not more than +nine or ten-pin feathers left. + +Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called "Sabbath Day Point," +in consequence of ABERCROMBIE having landed there on a Wednesday +morning. + +Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see the Point. + +A gentleman on board informed me that the water was so clear at this +place that one could "see objects when thirty feet from the bottom." + +I have thought and thought over this remark, but am unable to see what +one's distance from the bottom has to do with his "seeing objects." + +I give it up. + +On the opposite side of the Lake is a hill called "Sugar Loaf +Mountain"--because it is a sweet place for loafers, I suppose. + +Finally we passed "Rogers' Slide," which is a rocky precipice three +hundred feet high, sloping nearly perpendicularly into the water. A +decidedly unpleasant-looking place for cellar-door practice. + +There are a great many romantic traditions about this same ROGERS, who +is regarded by the simple natives as having been an altogether +high-minded and gorgeous character--the fact being that he was one of +those unmitigated old scamps who owe to the accident of having lived in +Revolutionary times, the distinction of being held up to the emulation +of primary schools as a "Patriot Hero." Literally he was simply an +"unmixed evil," fighting only to steal something, and devoting what time +and talent he could spare from his legitimate profession--which was +_seven-up_--to generally bedevilling and encroaching upon the +neighboring Indians. + +As an enchroachist he was immense. + +The noble red-skins alluded to finally concluded that enough was enough, +and appointed a Special Commission to put a permanent end to the +delicate attentions of the "Marked Back." + +This _sobriquet_ they conferred upon him partly on account of the fact +that he usually received his wounds while leaving their immediate +vicinity, and partly because of a peculiar characteristic of the kind of +cards he used. + +The Commissioners caught ROGERS out hunting, and chased him until he +came to this precipice, down which he slid into the Lake below, and, +unfortunately, escaped unharmed. + +The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his snow-shoes, +soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they concluded to +"let him slide." + +Hence the name. + +Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone over. +Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left produced +a profound impression on their untutored minds. + +They at once concluded that he was drowned, or had got "in with" some +bad spirits. + +It is obvious, however, to the most casual observer of the place, that +the reverse must have been the case. The bad spirits were in him. + +The mark worn by Mr. R's "cheviots" in his descent can still be +distinctly seen. + +About half way up is a shining object which is generally believed to be +a suspender button. + +This, however, is merely conjectural. + +The clerk of the boat, of whom I have spoken before, tells me that until +within a few years back, the hole in the water where ROGERS struck could +be seen. + +"But it is all gone now," he said, shaking his head sadly. "Nothing can +escape the Vandal horde of tourists and relic hunters. Piece by piece +they have carried the hole away, and there is no trace of it left now." + +And he "wept at my tranquillity." + +At the north end of the Lake we took stages for Fort Ticonderoga. These +vehicles were run by a man who was pointed out as a "character," which +means a sort of licensed nuisance. + +The monomania of this individual was speech making, and much reflection +inclines me to the belief that he is some unappreciated politician who +has invented a way of "taking it out" on the unhappy public as follows: + +He waits until his five immense stages arrive at some remote and +solitary part of the road, then draws them up in a semi-circle, mounts a +stump, and--on pretence of exhibiting the beauties of nature--proceeds +to harangue the helpless fares to the top of his very high bent, or +until one of the slumbering "outsides" creates a welcome diversion by +falling off and breaking his neck. + +We came to what was really a curiosity--two kinds of trees growing from +one trunk, which this concentration of bores, this _mitrailleuse_, in +fact, improved accordingly. + +"Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the _re_-markable and +_pe_-culiar works of a benign _Per_-rovidence. On the right you see the +sturdy and iron-hearted oak, while on the left you behold the modest and +_be_-utiful ellum. What Having has joined together let no man put +asunder--gerlang with yer hosses!" + +It must have been a Sunday-school Superintendent who invented excursions +to Fort Ty. + +It is not a place to Tye to. + +One old gentleman pointed to an underground hole and advised me to go +and look at the magazine. + +I went; but it is hardly necessary to say that I didn't find any, and, +on the whole, I was glad of it If people don't know any more than to +leave their _Galaxys_ and _Harper's_ lying around loose when travelling, +why, they deserve to have them stolen, that's all. + +I was sorry for the old gentleman, but if there is anything that +disgusts me, it is to meet people that ain't posted about things. + +As the steamer neared the Hotel, on our return, the departing sun was +flinging back his last good-night smile on the lovely scene below, and +the musical chime of the little church at Caldwell came stealing sweetly +over the bosom of the placid Lake. As its fairy-like sounds reached our +ears, a melancholy-looking man with long hair, who sat near, started, +smiled, and turning to me, said: + +"Did I ever tell you that story about SLUKER?" + +As I had never seen the party before, I replied that if he had I had +forgotten it. + +"SLUKER," he repeated, gazing absently at the distant spire; "SLUKER," +he reiterated, rubbing his nose abstractedly with the handle of his +umbrella; "SLUKER," he continued-- + +--in my next, my dear PUNCHINELLO, in my next. + + SAGINAW DODD. + +[_To be continued_.] + + * * * * * + +Sauce + +There can be no doubt that Grevy is in the right place, as a member of +the Provisional government of France. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: _Old Gent_. "Don't scatter water on my feet, man,--do you +suppose I want 'em to grow any bigger?"] + + * * * * * + +EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES. + +Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the +mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would +be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of +sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go +to the making up of an efficient "Hawkshaw." + +That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a +circumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had +been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of +counterfeiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations +immediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in +the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as +that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the +counterfeiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted +descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets +of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, +occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few +gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none +more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is duty--often +stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted +their Spitz-dog noses between the joints of the artists' doors, and, +having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic +malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and +paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile +den. + +Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, +although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipes--tobacco +being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone +great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work +was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic +malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil. Some of the officers +seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the +delinquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police +station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the +night. + +Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were +discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistake--or a joke--we +are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly interested do +not look upon it as a joke. + +Now it is a very clear case that the mistake in question--or joke--may +be traced to a deficiency of education on the part of these vigilant and +zealous detectives. Had they been properly cultivated in the various +branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have +occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt +its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been acknowledged by +them, and they would have backed out from the August Presence with +obsequious genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether +a course of lectures upon art should not henceforth be considered an +indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We +would not limit the proposed extension of their education, however, to +the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary +accession to the stock of the detectives' learning; and especially would +we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous +vegetables--such as beans. + + * * * * * + +Temporary Obscuration of the "Hub." + +Boston already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also +has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the +loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted +that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Commons. Early +in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Boston must fall +into insignificance and "feel small." On the second day of that month, +Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of +the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Common--all, +all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air +before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant +command. + + * * * * * + +Boy and Man. + +"Miss ANNIE P. LADD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor +and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace." + + To be a man and magistrate + 'Twas natural that ANNIE sighed, + Since she one phase of man's estate + Already as a LADD had tried. + + * * * * * + +A Nut for the Ladies' Club. + +Referring to the recent ladies' boat race at Harlem, a reporter says +that "the girls all rowed badly." This is a discouraging comment on the +frantic efforts now making by women to assume man's attributes, (not to +mention his other "butes" and the what-d'ye-call-'ems generally +associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the +comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. + + * * * * * + +NEW PUBLICATIONS. + +Among the numerous portraits of the late CHARLES DICKENS now before the +public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromograph +lately issued by PRANG & Co., of Boston and New York. It represents the +great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he +last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of +thought--rather as he might have appeared when meditating over some new +turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look +when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three +simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set +in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it +for placing on a wall. + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. Stewart & Co. | + | | + | Have just received several Cases | + | | + | PARIS MADE SILK AND POPLIN | + | | + | Street and Evening | + | | + | DRESSES, | + | | + | Two cases Cloth and Velvet Pattern | + | | + | Sacques, Cloaks, &c., | + | | + | An opening of | + | | + | HANDSOME TRIMMED HATS, | + | | + | Latest Paris Style. Also, | + | | + | Children's and Misses' Undergarments, | + | Infants' Outfits, etc., etc. | + | | + | Several Cases Real India | + | Camel's-Hair Shawls, | + | | + | At unusually attractive prices. | + | | + | Embroideries, Laces, Real Lace and LLama | + | Pointes, Dresses, &c. | + | | + | WEDDING TROUSSEAUX. | + | | + | The above forms only a very small portion of their | + | Large and Attractive Stock of | + | | + | ELEGANT GOODS, | + | | + | Imported and Domestic Made. | + | | + | Offered at | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. Stewart & Co. | + | | + | Offer the largest, richest, and cheapest stock of | + | | + | DRESS GOODS, | + | | + | That has ever been Offered in this City, | + | | + | Comprising many Novelties in | + | | + | Poplins, Armures Cloths, Epinglines, Extra | + | | + | Quality Merinos, Ladies' Cloths, &c., &c. | + | | + | A Large Line of | + | | + | DOMESTIC SHIRTINGS, SHEETINGS, | + | BLANKETS, FLANNELS, | + | | + | And every Variety of | + | | + | HOUSEKEEPING GOODS. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS | + | | + | IN | + | CARPETS. | + | | + | Five Frame | + | ENGLISH BRUSSELS, | + | Reduced to $1.75 per yard. | + | | + | 200 Pieces Five-Frame | + | | + | English Brussels, | + | | + | Greater part Confined Styles, Reduced to $2 per yard. | + | | + | Very Best Quality | + | | + | ENGLISH TAPESTRY BRUSSELS | + | | + | $1.30 per yard. | + | | + | FRENCH MOQUETTES | + | | + | AND | + | | + | AXMINSTERS, | + | | + | $3.50 and $4 per yard. | + | | + | ROYAL WILTONS, | + | | + | Best Quality, $2.50 and $3 per yard. | + | | + | CROSSLEY'S VELVETS, | + | | + | Choice Designs, $2.50 per yard. | + | | + | Superfine Ingrains, 3-Plys. | + | | + | English and Domestic | + | | + | OILCLOTHS, RUGS, | + | | + | MATS, ETC., | + | | + | At Extremely Low Prices. | + | | + | A. T. STEWART & CO. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical | + | Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The | + | Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the | + | Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever | + | published in America. | + | | + | CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. | + | | + | Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) $4.00 | + | " " six months, (without premium,) 2.00 | + | " " three months, " " 1.00 | + | Single copies mailed free, for .10 | + | | + | We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO'S | + | CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year, and | + | | + | "The Awakening," (a Litter of Puppies.) Half chromo. | + | Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,)--for $4.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $3.00 chromos: | + | | + | Wild Roses. 12-1/8 x 9. | + | Dead Game. 11-1/8 x 8-5/8. | + | Easter Morning. 6-3/4 x 10-1/4--for $5.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $5.00 chromos: | + | | + | Group of Chickens; | + | Group of Ducklings; | + | Group of Quails. Each 10 x 12-1/8. | + | The Poultry Yard. 10-1/8 x 14. | + | The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9-3/4 x 13. | + | Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10 x 12--for $6.50 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $6.00 chromos: | + | | + | The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two | + | Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13 x 16-3/4. | + | Spring; Summer: Autumn; 12-7/8 x 16-1/8. | + | The Kid's Play Ground. ll x 17-1/2--for $7.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $7.50 chromos | + | | + | Strawberries and Baskets. | + | Cherries and Baskets. | + | Currants. Each 13 x 18. | + | Horses in a Storm. 22-1/4 x 15-1/4. | + | Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9-1/8 x 4-1/2--for $8.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and Six American Landscapes. | + | (A set.) 4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00--for $9.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $10 chromos: | + | | + | Sunset in California. (Bierstadt) 18-1/8 x 12 | + | Easter Morning. 14 x 21. | + | Corregio's Magdalen. 12-1/2 x 16-3/8. | + | Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) | + | 15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), | + | for $10.00 | + | | + | Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank | + | Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be | + | sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not | + | otherwise ordered. | + | | + | Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, | + | twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in | + | advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of | + | money. | + | | + | CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be | + | given. For special terms address the Company. | + | | + | The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of | + | seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A | + | specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or | + | getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | P.O. Box 2783. | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +[Illustration: FEEDING SPARROWS. + +A HINT TO A CERTAIN CLASS OF "HUMANITARIANS"] + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | "The Printing House of the United States." | + | | + | GEO. F. NESBITT & CO., | + | | + | General JOB PRINTERS, | + | BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, | + | STATIONERS. Wholesale and Retail. | + | LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers. | + | COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers, | + | ENVELOPE Manufacturers, | + | FINE CUT and COLOR Printers. | + | | + | 163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., | + | 73, 75, 77, and 79 FINE ST., New York. | + | | + | ADVANTAGES.--All at the same premises, and under | + | immediate supervision of the proprietors. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Tourists and Pleasure Travelers | + | | + | will be glad to learn that that the Erie Railway Company has | + | prepared | + | | + | COMBINATION EXCURSION or Round Trip Tickets, | + | | + | Valid during the the entire season, and embracing | + | Ithaca--headwaters of Cayuga Lake--Niagara Falls, Lake | + | Ontario, the River St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake | + | Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, the White Mountains, and | + | all principal points of interest in Northern New York, the | + | Canadas, and New England. Also similar Tickets at reduced | + | rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit | + | the celebrated Iron Mountains and Copper Mines of that | + | region. By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., | + | Nos. 241, 529, and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 33 | + | Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 | + | Fulton St., Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and | + | foot of 23rd St., New York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long | + | Dock Depot, Jersey City, and the Agents at the principal | + | hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as | + | well as all the necessary information. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," "Water-Lilies," | + | "Chas. Dickens." | + | | + | PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the world. | + | | + | PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp. | + | | + | L. PRANG & CO., Boston. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | With a large and varied experience in the management and | + | publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and | + | with the still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital | + | to justify the undertaking, the | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. | + | | + | OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK, | + | | + | Presents to the public for approval, the new | + | | + | ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL | + | | + | WEEKLY PAPER, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO, | + | | + | The first number of which was issued under date of April 2. | + | | + | ORIGINAL ARTICLES, | + | | + | Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive | + | ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the | + | day, are always acceptable and will be paid for liberally. | + | Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage | + | stamps are included. | + | | + | TERMS: | + | | + | One copy, per year, in advance ...................... $4.00 | + | | + | Single copies ........................................ .10 | + | | + | A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten | + | cents. | + | | + | One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine | + | or paper, price, $2.50, for................... $5.50 | + | | + | One copy, with any magazine of paper, price $4, for $7.00 | + | | + | | + | All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, | + | | + | P. O. Box, 2783, NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. | + | | + | The New Burlesque Serial, | + | | + | Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO, | + | | + | BY | + | | + | OEPHEUS C. KERR, | + | | + | Commenced in No. 11, will be continued weekly throughout the | + | year. | + | | + | A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom friend, | + | with superb illustrations of | + | | + | 1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, | + | TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY | + | | + | 2D. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE, taken | + | as he appears "Every Saturday," will also be found in the | + | same number. | + | | + | Single Copies, for Sale by all newsmen, (or mailed from this | + | office, free,) Ten Cents. Subscription for One Year, one | + | copy, with $2 Chromo Premium, $4. | + | | + | Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this new | + | serial, which promises to be the best ever written by | + | ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular | + | receipt weekly. | + | | + | We will send the first Ten Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to any one | + | who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on the | + | receipt of SIXTY CENTS. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | + | | + | P. O. Box 2783. 83 Nassau St., New York | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +GEO. W. WHEAT & CO, PRINTERS, No. 8 SPRUCE STREET. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 2, No. 27, October +1, 1870, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 2, NO. 27 *** + +***** This file should be named 10035.txt or 10035.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/0/3/10035/ + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, +Steve Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS," WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Each eBook is in a subdirectory of the same number as the eBook's +eBook number, often in several formats including plain vanilla ASCII, +compressed (zipped), HTML and others. + +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks replace the old file and take over +the old filename and etext number. The replaced older file is renamed. +VERSIONS based on separate sources are treated as new eBooks receiving +new filenames and etext numbers. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + +EBooks posted prior to November 2003, with eBook numbers BELOW #10000, +are filed in directories based on their release date. If you want to +download any of these eBooks directly, rather than using the regular +search system you may utilize the following addresses and just +download by the etext year. + + http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext06 + + (Or /etext 05, 04, 03, 02, 01, 00, 99, + 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90) + +EBooks posted since November 2003, with etext numbers OVER #10000, are +filed in a different way. The year of a release date is no longer part +of the directory path. The path is based on the etext number (which is +identical to the filename). The path to the file is made up of single +digits corresponding to all but the last digit in the filename. For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: + https://www.gutenberg.org/GUTINDEX.ALL + + diff --git a/old/10035.zip b/old/10035.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6a9b319 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10035.zip |
