diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'old/10033.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/10033.txt | 2648 |
1 files changed, 2648 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/old/10033.txt b/old/10033.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bf48680 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10033.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2648 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 25, September 17, +1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 25, September 17, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: November 10, 2003 [EBook #10033] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 1, NO. 25 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, +Steve Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + + + + + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | CONANT'S | + | | + | PATENT BINDERS | + | | + | FOR | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO," | + | | + | to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent postpaid, on | + | receipt of One Dollar, by | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | 83 Nassau Street, New York City. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | CARBOLIC SALVE | + | | + | Recommended by Physicians. | + | | + | The best Salve in use for all disorders of the Skin, | + | for Cuts, Burns, Wounds, &c. | + | | + | USED IN HOSPITALS. | + | | + | SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS. | + | | + | PRICE 25 CENTS. | + | | + | JOHN F. HENRY, Sole Proprietor, | + | No. 8 College Place, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S | + | | + | STEEL PENS. | + | | + | These Pens are of a finer duality, more durable, and | + | cheaper than any other Pen in the market. Special attention | + | is called to the following grades as being better suited | + | for business purposes than any Pen manufactured. The | + | | + | "505," "22," and the "Anti-Corrosive," | + | we recommend for Bank and Office use. | + | | + | D. APPLETON & CO., | + | Sole Agents for United States. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + * * * * * + +Vol. I No. 25 + + +PUNCHINELLO + + +SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 1870. + + + +PUBLISHED BY THE + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, + +83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK. + + * * * * * + +THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD, + +By ORPHEUS C. KERR, + +Continued in this Number. + + +See 15th Page for Extra Premiums. + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bound Volume No. 1. | + | | + | The first volume of PUNCHINELLO, ending with No. 26, | + | September 24, 1870, | + | | + | Bound in Fine Cloth, | + | | + | will be ready for delivery on Oct. 1, 1870. | + | | + | PRICE $2.50. | + | | + | Sent postpaid to any part of the United States on receipt of | + | price. | + | | + | A copy of the paper for one year, from October 1st, No. 27, | + | and the Bound Volume (the latter prepaid,) will be sent to | + | any subscriber for $5.50. | + | | + | Three copies for one year, and three Bound Volumes, with an | + | extra copy of Bound Volume, to any person sending us three | + | subscriptions for $16.50. | + | | + | One copy of paper for one year, with a | + | fine chromo premium, for------ $4.00 | + | | + | Single copies, mailed free .10 | + | | + | Back numbers can always be supplied, as the paper is | + | electrotyped. | + | | + | Book canvassers will find this volume a | + | | + | Very Saleable Book. | + | | + | Orders supplied at a very liberal discount. | + | | + | All remittances should be made in | + | | + | Post Office orders. | + | | + | Canvassers wanted for the paper, | + | | + | everywhere. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | Punchinello Publishing Co., | + | | + | 83 NASSAU ST., N. Y. | + | | + | P.O. Box No, 2783. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | TO NEWS-DEALERS | + | | + | Punchinello's Monthly. | + | | + | The Weekly Numbers for August, | + | | + | Bound in a Handsome Cover, | + | | + | Is now ready. Price Fifty Cents. | + | | + | THE TRADE | + | | + | Supplied by the | + | | + | AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, | + | | + | Who are now prepared to receive Orders. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | WEVILL & HAMMAR, | + | | + | Wood Engravers, | + | | + | 208 BROADWAY, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bowling Green Savings-Bank | + | | + | 33 Broadway | + | | + | NEW YORK | + | | + | Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M, | + | | + | _Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents | + | to Ten Thousand Dollars, will be received._ | + | | + | Six per Cent interest, | + | Free of Government Tax. | + | | + | INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS | + | | + | Commences on the First of every Month. | + | | + | HENRY SMITH _President_ | + | | + | REEVES E. SELMES, _Secretary_ | + | | + | WALTER ROCHE, EDWARD HOGAN, _Vice-Presidents._ | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | NEWS DEALERS | + | | + | ON | + | | + | RAILROADS, | + | | + | STEAMBOATS, | + | | + | And at | + | WATERING PLACES, | + | | + | Will find the Monthly Numbers of | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | For April, May, June, July, and August, an attractive | + | and Saleable Work | + | | + | Single Copies Price 50 cts. | + | | + | For trade price address American News Co., or | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO, | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FORST & AVERELL, | + | | + | Steam, Lithograph, and Letter Press | + | | + | PRINTERS, | + | | + | EMBOSSERS, ENGRAVERS, AND LABEL | + | MANUFACTURERS, | + | | + | Sketches and Estimates furnished upon application | + | | + | 23 Platt Street, and 20-22 Gold Street, | + | | + | [P.O. Box 2845] | + | | + | NEW YORK | + | | + | 20-22 Gold Street, | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FOLEY'S | + | | + | GOLD PENS | + | | + | The Best and Cheapest | + | | + | 256 Broadway | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | $2 to ALBANY and TROY | + | | + | The Day Line Steamboats, C. Vibbard and Daniel Drew, | + | commencing May 31. will leave Vestry st. Pier at 8.45, and | + | Thirty-fourth st. at 9 a.m., landing at Yonkers, (Nyack, and | + | Tarrytown by ferry-boat), Cozzens, West Point, Cornwall, | + | Newburgh, Poughkeepsie, Rhinebeck, Bristol, Catskill, Hudson | + | and New-Baltimore. A special train of broad-gauge cars in | + | connection with the day boats will leave on arrival at | + | Albany (commencing June 20) for Sharon Springs. Fare $4.25 | + | from New York and for Cherry Valley. The Steamboat Seneca | + | will transfer passengers from Albany to Troy. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | J. NICKINSON | + | | + | begs to announce to the friends of | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO," | + | | + | residing in the country, that, for their convenience, he has | + | made arrangements by which, on receipt of the price of | + | | + | ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED, | + | | + | the same will be forwarded, postage paid. | + | | + | Parties desiring Catalogues of any of Our Publishing | + | Houses, can have the same forwarded by inclosing two | + | stamps | + | | + | OFFICE OF | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street, | + | | + | [P. O. Box 2783.] | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HENRY L. STEPHENS, | + | | + | ARTIST, | + | | + | No. 160 FULTON STREET, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | GEO. B. BOWLEND, | + | | + | Draughtsman & Designer | + | | + | No. 160 Fulton Street, | + | | + | Room No. 11, NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + +THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. + +AN ADAPTATION. + +BY ORPHEUS C. KERR + +CHAPTER XVIII + +A SUBTLE STRANGER. + +The latest transient guest at the Roach House--a hotel kept on the +entomological plan in Bumsteadville--was a gentleman of such lurid +aspect as made every beholder burn to know whom he could possibly be. +His enormous head of curled red hair not only presented a central +parting on top and a very much one-sided parting and puffing-out behind, +but actually covered both his ears; while his ruddy semi-circle of beard +curled inward, instead of out, and greatly surprised, if it did not +positively alarm, the looker-on, by appearing to remain perfectly +motionless, no matter how actively the stranger moved his jaws. This +ball of improbable inflammatory hair and totally independent face rested +in a basin of shirt collar; which, in its turn, was supported by a rusty +black necktie and a very loose suit of gritty alpaca; so that, taking +the gentleman for all in all, such an incredible human being had rarely +been seen outside of literary circles. + +"Landlord," said the stranger to the brown linen host of the Roach +House, who was intently gazing at him with the appreciative expression +of one who beholds a comic ghost,--"landlord, after you have finished +looking at my head and involuntarily opening your mouth at some +occasional peculiarity of my whiskers, I should like to have something +to eat. As you tell me that woodcock is not fit to eat this year, and +that broiled chicken is positively prohibited by the Board of Health in +consequence of the sickly season, you may bring me some pork and beans, +and some crackers. Bring plenty of crackers, landlord, for I'm uncommon +fond of crackers. By absorbing the superfluous moisture in the head, +they clear the brain and make it more subtle." + +Having been served with the wholesome country fare he had ordered, +together with a glass of the heady native wine called applejack, the +gentleman had but just moved a slice of pork from its bed in the beans, +when, with much interest, he closely inspected the spot of vegetables he +had uncovered, and expressed the belief that there was something alive +in it. + +"Landlord," said he, musingly, "there is something amongst these beans +that I should take for a raisin, if it did not move." + +Placing upon his nose a pair of vast silver spectacles, which gave him +an aspect of having two attic windows in his countenance, the landlord +bowed his head over the plate until his nose touched the beans, and +thoughtfully scrutinized the living raisin. + +"As I thought, sir, it is only a water-bug," he observed, rescuing the +insect upon his thumb-nail. "You need not have been frightened, however, +for they never bite." + +Somewhat reassured, the stranger went on eating until his knife +encountered resistance in the secondary layer of beans; when he once +more inspected the dish, with marked agitation. + +"Can this be a skewer, down here?" inquired he, prodding at some hard, +springy object with his fork. + +The host of the Roach House bore both fork and object to a window, where +the light was less deceptive, and was presently able to announce +confidently that the object was only a hair-pin. Then, observing that +his guest looked curiously at a cracker, which, from the gravelly marks +on one side, seemed to have been dug out of the earth, like a potato, he +hastened to obviate all complaint in that line by carefully wiping every +individual cracker with his pocket handkerchief. + +"And now, landlord," said the stranger, at last, pulling a couple of +long, unidentified hairs from his mouth as he hurriedly retired from the +meal, "I suppose you are wondering who I am?" + +"Well, sir," was the frank answer, "I can't deny that there are points +about you to make a plain man like myself thoughtful. There's that about +your hair, sir, with the middle-parting on top and the side-parting +behind, to give a plain person the impression that your brain must be +slightly turned, and that, by rights, your face ought to be where your +neck is. Neither can I deny, sir, that the curling of your whiskers the +wrong way, and their peculiarity in remaining entirely still while your +mouth is going, are circumstances calculated to excite the liveliest +apprehensions of those who wish you well." + +"The peculiarities you notice," returned the gentleman, "may either +exist solely in your own imagination, or they may be the result of my +own ill-health. My name is TRACEY CLEWS, and I desire to spend a few +weeks in the country for physical recuperation. Have you any idea where +a dead-beat,[1] like myself, could find inexpensive lodgings in +Bumsteadville?" + +The host hastily remarked, that his own bill for those pork and beans +was fifty cents; and upon being paid, coldly added that a Mrs. SMYTHE, +wife of the sexton of Saint Cow's Ritualistic Church, took hash-eaters +for the summer. As the gentleman preferred a high-church private +boarding-house to an unsectarian first class hotel, all he had to do was +to go out on the road again, and keep inquiring until he found the +place. + +Donning his Panama hat, and carrying a stout cane, Mr. CLEWS was quickly +upon the turnpike; and, his course taking him near the pauper +burial-ground, he presently perceived an extremely disagreeable child +throwing stones at pigeons in a field, and generally hitting the +beholder. + +"You young Alderman! what do you mean?" he exclaimed, with marked +feeling, rubbing the place on his knee which had just been struck. + +"Then just give me a five-cent stamp to aim at yer, and yer won't ketch +it onc't," replied the boyish trifler. "I couldn't hit what I was to +fire at if it was my own daddy." + +"Here are ten cents, then," said the gentleman, wildly dodging the last +shot at a distant pigeon, "and now show me where Mrs. SMYTHE lives. + +"All right, old brick-top," assented the merry sprite, with a vivacious +dash of personality. "D'yer see that house as yer skoot past the Church +and round the corner?" + +"Yes." + +"Well, that's SMYTHE'S, and BUMSTEAD lives there, too--him as is always +tryin' to put a head on me. I'll play my points on him yet, though. +_I'll_ play my points!" And the rather vulgar young chronic absentee +from Sunday-school retired to a proper distance, and from thence began +stoning his benefactor to the latter's perfect safety. + +Reaching the boarding-house of Mrs. SMYTHE, as directed, Mr. TRACEY +CLEWS soon learned from the lady that he could have a room next to the +apartment of Mr. BUMSTEAD, to whom he was referred for further +recommendation of the establishment. Though that broken-hearted +gentleman was mourning the loss of a beloved umbrella, accompanied by a +nephew, and having a bone handle, Mrs. SMYTHE was sure he would speak a +good word for her house. Perhaps Mr. CLEWS had heard of his loss? + +Mr. CLEWS could not exactly recall that particular case; but had a +confused recollection of having lost several umbrellas himself, at +various times, and had no doubt that the addition of a nephew must make +such a loss still heavier. + +Mr. BUMSTEAD being in his room when the introduction took place, and +having Judge SWEENEY for company over a bowl of lemon tea, the new +boarder lifted his hat politely to both dignitaries, and involuntarily +smacked his lips at the mixture they were taking for their coughs. + +"Excuse me, gentlemen," said Mr. TRACEY CLEWS, in a manner almost +stealthy; "but, as I am about to take summer board with the lady of this +house, I beg leave to inquire if she and the man she married are +strictly moral except in having cold dinner on Sunday?" + +Mr. BUMSTEAD, who sat very limply in his chair, said that she was a very +good woman, a very good woman, and would spare no pains to secure the +comfort of such a head of hair as he then saw before him. + +"This is my dear friend, Judge SWEENEY," continued the Ritualistic +organist, languidly waving a spoon towards that gentleman, "who has a +very good wife in the grave, and knows much more about women and gravy +than I. As for me," exclaimed Mr. BUMSTEAD, suddenly climbing upon the +arm of his chair and staring at Mr. CLEW'S head rather wildly, "my only +bride was of black alpaca, with a brass ferrule, and I can never care +for the sex again." Here Mr. BUMSTEAD, whose eyes had been rolling in an +extraordinary manner, tumbled into his chair again, and then, frowning +intensely, helped himself to lemon tea. + +"I am referred to your Honor for further particulars," observed Mr. +TRACEY CLEWS, bowing again to Judge SWEENEY. "Not to wound our friend +further by discussion of the fair sex, may I ask if Bumsteadville +contains many objects of interest for a stranger, like myself?" + +"One, at least, sir," answered the Judge. "I think I could show you a +tombstone which you would find very good reading. An epitaph upon my +late better-half. If you are a married man you can not help enjoying +it." + +Mr. CLEWS regretted to inform his Honor, that he had never been a +married man, and, therefore, could not presume to fancy what the +literary enjoyment of a widower must be at such a treat. + +"A journalist, I presume?" insinuated Judge SWEENEY, more and more +struck by the other's perfect pageant of incomprehensible hair and +beard. + +"His Honor flatters me too much." + +"Something in the lunatic line, then, perhaps?" + +"I have told your Honor that I never was married." + +Since last speaking, Mr. BUMSTEAD had been staring at the new boarder's +head and face, with a countenance expressive of mingled consternation +and wrath, and now made a startling rush at him from his chair and +fairly forced half a glass of lemon tea down his throat. + +"There, sir!" said the mourning organist, panting with suppressed +excitement. "That will keep you from taking cold until you can be walked +up and down in the open air long enough to get your hair and beard +sober. They have been indulging, sir, until the top of your head has +fallen over backwards, and your whiskers act as though they belonged to +somebody else. The sight confuses me, sir, and in my present state of +mind I can't bear it." + +Coughing from the lemon tea, and greatly amazed by his hasty dismissal, +Mr. CLEWS followed Judge SWEENEY from the room and house in precipitate +haste, and, when they were fairly out of doors, remarked, that the +gentleman they had just left had surprised him unprecedentedly, and that +he was very much put out by it. + +"Mr. JOHN BUMSTEAD, sir," explained the Judge, "is almost beside himself +at the double loss he has sustained, and I think that the sight of your +cane, there, maddened him with the memory it revived." + +"Why," exclaimed the gentleman of the hair, staring in wonder, "you +don't mean to tell me that my cane looks at all like his nephew?" + +"It looks a little like the stick of his umbrella, which he lost at the +same time," was the grave answer. + +After walking on in thoughtful silence for a while, as though deeply +pondering the striking character of a man whose great nature could thus +at once unite the bereaved uncle with the sincere mourner for the dumb +friend of his rainier days, Mr. TRACEY CLEWS asked whether suspicion yet +pointed to any one? + +Yes, he was told, suspicion did point very decidedly at a certain +person; but, as no specific reward had yet been offered in sufficient +amount to justify the exertions of police officials having families to +support; and as no lifeless body had yet been found; and as it was not +exactly certain that the abstraction of an umbrella by unknown parties +would justify the criminal prosecution of a person for having in his +possession an Indian Club:--in view of all these complicated +circumstances, the law did not feel itself authorized to execute any +assassin at present. + +"And here we are, sir, at last, near our Ritualistic Church," continued +Judge SWEENEY, "where we stand up for the Rite so much that strangers +sometimes complain of it as fatiguing. Upon that monument yonder, in the +graveyard, you may find the epitaph I have mentioned. What is more, here +comes a rather interesting local character of ours, who cut the +inscription and put up the monument." + +Mr. MCLAUGHLIN came shuffling up the road as he spoke, followed in the +distance by the inevitable SMALLEY and a shower of promiscuous stones. + +"Here, you boy!" roared Judge SWEENEY, beckoning the amiable child to +him with a bit of small money, "aim at _all_ of us--do you hear?--and +see that you don't hit any windows. And now, MCLAUGHLIN, how do you do? +Here is a gentleman spending the summer with us, who would like to know +you." + +Old MORTARITY stared at the hair and beard, thus introduced to him, with +undisguised amazement, and grimly remarked, that if the gentleman would +come to see him any evening, and bring a social bottle with him, he +would not allow the gentleman's head to stand in the way of a further +acquaintance. + +"I shall certainly call upon you," assented Mr. CLEWS, "if our young +friend, the stone-thrower, will accept a trifle to show me the way." + +Before retiring to his bed that night, the same Mr. TRACEY CLEWS took +off his hair and beard, examined them closely, and then broke into a +strange smile. "No wonder they all looked at me so!" he soliloquized, +"for I did have my locks on the topside backmost, and my whiskers turned +the wrong way. However, for a dead-beat, with all his imperfections on +his head, I've formed a pretty large acquaintance for one day."[2] + +(_To be Continued._) + + +[Footnote 1: "Buffer" is the term used in the English story. Its nearest +native equivalent is, probably, our Dead-Beat;" meaning, variously, +according to circumstances, a successful American politician; a wife's +male relative; a watering-place correspondent of a newspaper, a New York +detective policeman; any person who is uncommonly pleasant with people, +while never asking them to take anything with him; a pious boarder; a +French revolutionist.] + +[Footnote 2: In both conception and execution, the original of the above +Chapter, in Mr. DICKENS's work, is, perhaps, the least felicitous page +of fiction ever penned by the great novelist; and, as this Adaptation is +in no wise intended as a burlesque, or caricature, of the _style_ at the +original, (but rather as a conscientious imitation of it, so far as +practicable,) the Adapter has not allowed himself that license of humor +which, in the most comically effective treatment of said Chapter, might +bear the appearance of such an intention.] + + * * * * * + +PUNCHINELLO CORRESPONDENCE + +ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. + +_Patchouli._--What is the substance which enables flies to adhere to the +ceiling? +_Answer._--Ceiling wax. + +_Rosalie._--What is the meaning of the term "suspended animation?" +_Answer._--If you remain at any fashionable watering-place after the +close of the season you'll find out. + +_Zanesvillian._--Your pronunciation of the French word _bois_ is +incorrect, else you could not have fallen into the blunder of supposing +that the Bois de Boulogne and the Bois de Vincennes are _gamins_ of +Paris. + +_Blunderbore._--Your suggestion is ingenious, but the refined sentiment +of cruelty revealed in it is deserving of the severest censure. It is +true that the introduction of German cookery into France by the +Prussians, as you propose, would in a short time decimate the +population, but what a fearful precedent it would be! You can best +realize it by imagining Massachusetts cookery introduced into New York, +and the consequent desolation of her purliens. + +_Mrs. Gamp._--No; neither the French nor the Prussians are armed with +air guns. Your mistake arose from puzzling over those distracting war +reports, in which the word Argonnes figures so conspicuously. + +_R.G.W._--What is the origin of the term "Bezonian," which occurs in the +Shaksperean drama? +_Answer._--Some trace it to Ben Zine, an inflammable friend of "ancient +Pistol's." It is far more probable, however, that the word was +originally written "Bazainian," and was merely prophetic of the +well-known epithet now bestowed by Prussian soldiers on the French +troops serving under BAZAINE. + +_Earl Russel_--In reply to your question as to whether the thumb nail of +HOGARTH on which he made his traditional sketch of a drunken man, is now +in an American collection, we can only state that, of course, it once +formed a leading object of interest in BARNUM'S Museum. As that building +was destroyed by fire in 1865, however, it is to be presumed that the +HOGARTH nail perished with all the other nails, or was sold with them, +as "junk." + +_Invalid._--To regain strength you should take means to increase the +amount of iron in your blood. Bark will do it, which accounts for the +fact that the blood of dogs has a large per centage of iron. Here in New +York, the ordinary way of getting iron in the blood is to have a knife +run into you by the hand of an assassin; but this is not considered +favorable to longevity. + + * * * * * + +THE ROMANCE OF A RICH YOUNG MAN. + +It happened, once upon a time, that there was a great city, and that +city, being devoid of a sensation, yearned for a great man. Then the +wise men of the city began to look around, when lo! there entered +through the gates of the city a certain peddler from a foreign country, +which is called Yankee Land, and behold! the great man was found. He +dealt in shekels and stocks, and bloomed and flourished, and soon became +like unto a golden calf, and lo! all the wise men fell down and +worshipped him. Now it happened that at first, like all great men, he +was misunderstood, and the people ascribed his success to his partner, +so that everybody said, + + The name is but the guinea's stamp, + The man's a GOULD for all that; + +but the people were soon disabused of this idea, and the name of JEAMES +PHYSKE was in everybody's mouth. + +Now it came to pass that there was a certain devout man called DEDREW, +who was the Grand Mogul and High Priest of a certain railroad +corporation called the Eareye, because, while it was much in everybody's +ear, no one could see anything of it or its dividends. So JEAMES PHYSKE +went straightway unto DEDREW and said unto him, "Lo! your servant is as +full of wiles as an egg is of meat. Make me then, I pray you, your chief +adviser, and put me in the high places." And DEDREW smiled upon him, as +he is wont to do, and finding that he was a stranger, he took him in, +and knowing that all were fish which came unto his net, he straightway +put him in the high places in Eareye, saying unto himself, "I will take +this lamb and fleece him." So PHYSKE sat high in Eareye. But it came to +pass very soon thereafter, that DEDREW and PHYSKE fell out, some say +about the division of the spoils which they had taken from the enemy, +which, being interpreted, is the people, while others do state that +DEDREW attempted to cut the wool from PHYSKE, but that it stuck so +tightly that PHYSKE caught him. Anyhow, it came to pass, very soon, that +DEDREW was sitting on the outside steps of Eareye, and PHYSKE was +sitting on DEDREW'S throne. + +Then PHYSKE ruled Eareye, and he took the stock and he did multiply it +manifold, which is called, by some people, watering. Now it happened +that a certain man named PYKE did build him a costly mansion on the +street which is called Twenty-third, and did therein have foreign +singers and dancers, and players upon the violin, which is called the +fiddle, and upon the bass viol, which is called the big fiddle, and upon +sheets of parchment, which are called the drum, and upon divers other +instruments. And PHYSKE looked upon the mansion, and it seemed good in +his eyes, and he said unto PYKE, "Sell me now your mansion." And PYKE +did sell unto him the mansion, and the foreign singers and dancers, and +the players upon the violin, which is called the fiddle, and the players +upon the big fiddle, and the players upon the drums, and the players +upon divers other instruments. And PHYSKE forthwith built himself a +throne there, and did make the mansion the palace of Eareye. And he +would sit upon his throne and view the foreign singers and dancers, and +the players upon divers instruments, and would much applaud, when his +foreign dancers did dance a certain dance, wherein the toe is placed +upon the forehead, and which is called the _cancan_. And all the people +came and worshipped him, him and his foreign singers and dancers, and +players upon divers instruments, and his great diamond. And PHYSKE was +called Prince Eareye. + +Then it happened that PHYSKE much desired to command upon the ocean; so +he forthwith bought him a line of steamers, which did run to the foreign +land, which is called Yankee Land, and he placed thereon a goodly number +of his players upon divers instruments, and he did buy him a coat of +many colors, and did stand upon the landing place, which is called the +dock, and the players upon divers instruments did play, "Hail to the +Chief," and all the people did shout, "Hurrah for Admiral PHYSKE, Prince +of Eareye!" for he was of a noble stature, being four hands wider than +his fellows. + +Now it came to pass that divers envious persons did institute certain +troublesome actions, which are called suits, against him, and did +endeavor to drive him from the land, but PHYSKE took a field and went +before a barnyard, and did rout these envious persons, and did smite +them on the hip, which, being interpreted, is that he dismissed their +suits, and did smite them on the thigh, which, being interpreted, is, +did make them pay costs. But the field and the barnyard were much +employed. + +Then PHYSKE took into his counsel divers persons, dealers in shekels, +and did say unto them, "Let us find us a man who can tell us whether +those in high places will sell gold. And if he say unto us, nay, let us +buy much gold and make many shekels." And the divers persons, dealers in +shekels, were astonished at his shrewdness, and were all of one accord. +Then PHYSKE found him a man who did say unto him nay, and PHYSKE and +the divers other persons did buy much gold. Now it happened that those +in high places did sell gold, and PHYSKE and the divers other persons +were sore afraid, and did fall upon each other's necks and did weep. But +PHYSKE straightway recovered and said unto them, "Lo, if I do murder and +the doctor say that I was insane, am I not forthwith discharged?" and +they said unto him, "It is even so." Then said he unto them, "Let us +send our broker into the board, so that he shall act like an insane man, +and can we be held for an insane man's purchases?" And they were filled +with great rejoicing. And the broker did go into the board, and did act +like an insane man, and PHYSKE and divers other persons did retain their +shekels. And it was Friday when they did these things, and when they had +done them they laughed until they were black in their faces, and the +day--is it not called Black Friday? + +Then PHYSKE did bring unto himself other boats and other roads, and +waxed powerful, and became great in the land, and he was much +interviewed by the scribes of a certain paper, "It shines for all," +which, being interpreted, is the Moon, and his sayings--can they not be +found in the pages of "It shines for all," which, being interpreted, is +the Moon, and are they not preserved there for two centuries? + +And then it came to pass that PHYSKE sat himself down and sighed because +there were no more worlds to conquer. But straightway he resolved to +become a Colonel. So certain persons endeavored to make him commander of +the 99th regiment of foot, but a certain old centurion, which is Brains, +ran against him and overcame him. But the soldiers said unto each other, +"Is it not better that we should have body than brains, and had we not +better take unto ourselves the fleshpots?" So they deposed Brains and +chose the Prince of Eareye as their commander. And he straightway +submitted them to twelve temptations. Now it happened, that, as he was +marching at the head of his soldiers in the place wherein these twelve +temptations are kept, a certain servant of one Mammon did serve upon him +a paper, which is called a summons, and did command him to pay for his +butter. At which PHYSKE was much enraged and did wax wroth. And +thereupon he did march and countermarch his soldiers many times. And he +ordered another coat of many colors, and lo! in all Chatham Street there +was not cloth enough to make it, so they brought it from a foreign land. +And it came to pass that he and the centurion, which is Brains--for +should not body and brains work together?--did march the soldiers down +the street which is called Broadway, and did take them to the Branch +which is called Long, and there did divers curious things, all which are +they not found in the paper, "It shines for all," which, being +interpreted, is the Moon? + +Now it happened that one HO RACE GREL HE, being a Prussian, did fall +upon PHYSKE and did berate him in a paper, which is called the _Try +Buin_. And PHYSKE became very wroth and did stop the sale of the paper, +which is called the _Try Buin_, upon his roads. And HO RACE GREL HE, +being a Prussian, was sore afraid, and did fall straightway upon his +knees, and did say, "Lo, your servant has sinned! I pray thee forgive +him." And PHYSKE did say, "I forgive thee," which, being interpreted, +is, "All right, old coon, don't let me catch you at it again." + +And PHYSKE did divers other strange and curious things, but are they not +written down daily by the scribes of the paper, "It shines for all," +which, being interpreted, is the Moon, and cannot he who runs, read them +there? + +LOT. + + + * * * * * + +From the Spirit of Lindley Murray. + +When is a schoolboy like an event that has happened? +When he has come to parse. + + * * * * * + +THE WATERING PLACES. + +Punchinello's Vacations. + +Vain heading! This paper is not intended to communicate anything about a +vacation. "Would that it were! says Mr. PUNCHINELLO, from the bottom of +his heart. + +Last week Mr. P. intended going to the White Mountains. + +But he didn't go. + +On his way to the Twenty-third Street depot, he met the Count JOANNES. + +"Ah ha! my noble friend!" said the latter. ""Whither away"?" + +Mr. P. explained whither he was away; and was amazed to see the singular +expression which instantly spread itself over the countenance of his +noble friend. + +"To the "White Mountains!"cried the Count," why, my good fellow, what +are you thinking of? Do you not know that this is September?" + +"Certainly I do,"said Mr. P." I know that this is the season when Nature +revels in her richest hues, and Aurora gilds the fairest landscape; when +the rays of glorious old Sol are tempered by the soft caresses of the +balmiest zephyrs, and--" + +"Oh, certainly! certainly!" cried the Count, "I have no doubt of it; not +the least bit in the world. In fact, I have been in those places myself +when a boy, and I know all about it. But let me tell you, sir, as +_amicus curiae_, (and I assure you that I have often been _amicus +curiae_ before,) that society will not tolerate anything of this kind on +your part, sir. The skies in the country may be bluest at this season, +sir; the air most delicious, the scenery most gorgeous, and +accommodations of all kinds most plenty and excellent, but it will not +do. The conductor of a first class journal belongs in a manner to +society, and society will never forgive him for going into the country +after the season is over. As _amicus curiae_--" + +"_Amicus_ your grandmother, sir!" said Mr. P. "What does society know +about the beauties of nature, or the proper time for enjoying them?" + +"Society knows enough about it, sir!" cried the Count, drawing his sword +a little way from its scabbard and letting it fall again with: clanging +sound. "And representing society, as I do in my proper person here, sir, +I say that any man who would go into the country in the latter part of +September is a---" + +"A what, sir?" said Mr. P., nervously fingering his umbrella. + +"Yes, sir, he is, sir!" + +"Do you say that, sir?" + +"In your teeth, sir!" + +"'Tis false, sir!" + +"What, sir?" + +"Just so, sir!" + +"To me, sir?" + +"To you, sir!" + +The Count JOANNES drew his sword. + +Mr. P. stood _en garde_. + +Just at this moment the Greenwich Street Cordwainers' Target +Association, preceded by one half the whole body of Metropolitan Police, +approached the spot. The Target Society were out on a street parade, and +the policemen marched before them to clear Broadway of all vehicles and +foot-passengers, and to stop short, for the time, the business of a +great city, in order that these twenty spindle-legged and melancholy +little cobblers might have a proper opportunity of showing their utter +ignorance of all rules of marching, and the management of firearms. + +Perceiving this vast body of police, with Superintendent JOURDAN at its +head, advancing with measured tread upon them, the Count sheathed his +sword and Mr. P. shut up his deadly weapon. + +Slowly and in opposite directions they withdrew from the ground. + +It was too late for Mr. P.'s train, and he returned to his home. There, +in the solitude of his private apartments, he came to the conclusion +that it would be useless to oppose the decrees of Society. The idea that +the Count, that worthy leader of the metropolitan _ton_, had put into +his head, was not to be treated contemptuously. He must give up all the +fruity richness of September, the royal glories of October, and the +delicious hazes of the Indian Summer, pack away his fish-hooks and his +pocket-flask, and stay in the city like the rest of the fools. + +This conclusion, however, did not prevent Mr. P. from dreaming. He had a +delightful dream that night, in which he found himself sailing on Lake +George; ascending Mount Washington; and participating in the revelry of +a clam-bake on the seagirt shore of Kings and Queens and Suffolk +Counties. As nearly as circumstances will permit, he has endeavored to +give an idea of his dream by means of the following sketch. + +Taken as a whole, Mr. P. is not desirous that this dream should come +true, but taken in parts he would have no objections to see it fulfilled +as soon as Society will permit. + +Which will be, he supposes, about next July. + +In the meantime, he advises such of his patrons as have depended +entirely upon his letters for their summer recreation, and who will now +be deprived of this delightful enjoyment, to make every effort to go to +some of our summer resorts and spend a few weeks after the fashionable +season is over,--that is, if they think they can brave the opinion of +society. It may not be so pleasant to go to these places as to read Mr. +P.'s accounts of them, but it is the best that can be done. + +The following little tail-piece will give a forcible idea of how +completely Mr. P. has given up, for the season, his field sports and +country pleasures. Copies may be obtained by placing a piece of +tracing-paper over the picture and following the lines with a +lead-pencil. + + * * * * * + +THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. + +CANTO VI. + + TAFFY was a Welshman, + TAFFY was a thief, + TAFFY came to my house and stole a piece of beef. + I went to TAFFY'S house, + TAFFY wasn't at home, + TAFFY came to my house and stole a mutton bone. + +It is not often that a poet descends to the discussion of mundane +affairs. His sphere of usefulness, oftentimes usefulness to himself, +only, lies among the roseate clouds of the morn, or the spiritual +essences of the cerulean regions, but, like other human beings, he +cannot live on the zephyr breeze, or on the moonbeams flitting o'er the +rippling stream. Such ethereal food is highly unproductive of adipose +tissue, and the poet needs adipose like any other man. And our poet is +no exception to the rule, for he well knew that good digestible poetry +can't be written on an empty stomach. + +It is seldom that a writer is met with, who does not seize every +opportunity to attract attention to his own deeds. He is never so happy +as when, in contemplation, he hears the remarks of his readers tending +to his praise for the noble and heroic deeds he makes himself perform. + +But with our poet--and we have been exceptional in our choice--he has +always been backward in coming forward, and it was not until he was +touched upon a tender point that he concluded to make himself heard, +when he might depict, in glowing terms, some of the few ills which flesh +is heir to. + +The opportune moment arrived. + +He had been out since early dawn, gathering the dew from the +sweet-scented flower, or painting in liquid vowels the pleasant calmness +of the cow-pasture, or mayhap echoing with hie pencil's point the +well-noted strains of the Shanghai rooster, when the far-off distant +bell announced to him that he must finish his poetic pabulum, and hurry +home to something more in accordance with the science of modern cookery. + +He arrived and found his household in tumult. "Who's been here since +I've been gone?" sang he, in pathetic tones. And he heard in mournful +accents the answer, "TAFFY." + +Could anything more melancholy have befallen our poet? He could remember +in childhood's merry days the old candy-woman, with her plentiful store +of brown sweetness long drawn out; and how himself and companions spent +many a pleasant hour teasing their little teeth with the delicate +morsels. Now his childhood's dreams vanished. He remembered that + + "TAFFY was a Welshman." + +And then, after a careful scrutiny of the larder, assisted by the +gratuitous services of his ever faithful feline friend, THOMAS, he +found the extent of his loss. + + "TAFFY was a thief," + +he now gave vent to passion, while anguish rent his soul. TAFFY had been +here, and made good his coming, although the good was entirely on +TAFFY'S side, for he walked off again with a piece of beef, and was, +even at this very moment, smacking his chops over its tender fibres. + +All his respect for TAFFY now vanished like the misty cloud before the +rays of the morning sun. He buckled on the armor of his strength, +departed for TAFFY'S house, determined to wreak his vengeance thereon, +and scatter TAFFY, limb for limb, throughout his own corn-field. "Woe, +woe to TAFFY," he muttered between his clenched teeth. "I will make +mincemeat of him; I will enclose him in sausage skins, and will send him +to that good man, KI YI SAMPSON." + +Judge of our poet's chagrin, however, when, on arriving at TAFFY'S +house, he was informed, with mocking smiles. + + "TAFFY wasn't at home." + +Here was a fall to his well-formed plans of vengeance.--All dashed to +the ground by one foul scathing blow. + +But whither went TAFFY? The poet himself could tell you if you waited, +but we will tell you now. TAFFY liked beef; liked it as no other human +liked it, for he could eat it raw. And when, foraging around the +village, he found a nice piece at the poet's house, his carnivorous +proclivities induced him to steal it, and, with it under his arm, +hurried off to the nearest barn, and there rapidly devoured it. This +only seemed to give him an appetite. He went foraging again, but this +time only picked up a mutton-bone. "The nearer the bone, the sweeter the +meat," cried TAFFY, and with a flourish he hastened to his hiding place, +while the poor poet, disconsolate in his first loss, returned home only +to find a second; and the culprit was still free. + +Ah! my kind reader, here was a deep cut to our poet. "Who would care for +mother now?" he sang, for all the meat was gone. Home was no longer the +dearest spot on earth to him, since it was rudely desecrated by the +hands of TAFFY--of DAVID, the Welshman. + +Poor poet! Cruel TAFFY! + +Let me draw the curtain of popular sympathy over the unhappy household. +The poet has told his story in words which will never die; and he has +proclaimed the infamy of TAFFY to the uttermost corners of the earth. + + * * * * * + +Sweeping Reform. + +The world moves. There is a chiropodist now travelling in the East who +removes excrescences of the feet simply by sweeping them away with a +corn broom. When last heard of he was at Alexandria, and there is no +corn in Egypt, now. + + * * * * * + +OUR EXPLOSIVES. + +What between nitroglycerine, kerosene, and ordinary gas, New York city +has, for years.past, been admirably provided with explosives. Now we +have to add gasoline to the interesting catalogue of inflammables. What +gasoline is, we have not the slightest notion, but, as it knocked +several houses in Maiden Lane into ashes a few days since, it must be +something. Crinoline, dangerous as it is, would have been safer for +Maiden Lane than gasoline, and more appropriate. In the present dearth +of public amusements, these jolly explosives--gasoline, dualine, +nitroglycerine, and the rest of 'em,--come in very well to create a +sensation. They keep the firemen in wind, and, as the firemen keep them +in water, the obligation is reciprocal. Let Gasoline, as well as +Crinoline, have the suffrage, by all means. + + * * * * * + +Aggravating. + +The war news is becoming dizzier every day. It is now announced that the +Prussian headquarters are at St. Dizier. + + * * * * * + +Anna-Tom-ical. + +"A young man who lost an arm, some two weeks since, insists upon it that +he still feels pain in the arm and fingers."--(Daily Paper.) + +This is strange, certainly, but not more so than the statement of our +young man, TOM, who affirms that, having had his arm around ANNA'S waist +some three weeks ago, he still feels the most bewitching sensations in +that arm. Who can explain these things? + + * * * * * + +_Prussicos odi, puer, apparatus_,--as old NAP said to young NAP, when +the Teutonic bullets flew about them at Saarbruck. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: WE DON'T KNOW WHETHER IT IS CORRECT, BUT THIS IS +PUNCHINELLO'S IDEA OF THE CHASSE POT.] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A FACT FROM LAKE SUPERIOR. + +_Shipwrecked Cockney_.--"I SAY, CAPTAIN, ARE THERE ANY BEARS ABOUT HERE? +I'VE COME PREPARED FOR A LITTLE SPORT, YOU KNOW."] + + * * * * * + +THE CHARGE OF THE NINTH BRIGADE. + +"Col. FISK, Jr., marched his men up to the Continental Bar-room this +evening and gave them a _carte blanche_ order for drinks."--_Special to +morning paper_. + + Half asleep, half asleep, + Half asleep, onward + Into the bar-room bright + Strode the Six Hundred: + 'Forward the Ninth Brigade! + Charge this to me," he said. + Into the bar-room, then + Rushed the Six Hundred. + + Topers to right of them. + Topers to left of them, + Old sots in front of them, + Parleyed and wondered; + Yet into line they fell, + Boldly they drank, and well + Into the jaws of each, + Into the mouth of all, + Drinks went, Six Hundred. + + Flashed the big diamond there, + Flashed as its owner square + Treated his soldiers there, + Charging a bar-room, while + All the "beats" wondered. + Choked with tobacco smoke, + Straight for the door they broke, + Pushing and rushing, + Reeled from the Bourbon stroke, + Shattered and sundered; + Thus they went back--they did-- + On the Six Hundred. + + Whiskey to right of them, + Cocktails to left of them, + Popping corks after them, + Volleyed and thundered, + Yet, 'twere but truth to tell,-- + Many a hero fell. + Tho' some did stand it well, + Those that were left of them, + Left of Six Hundred. + + Oh! what a bill was paid, + Oh! what a noise they made, + All Long Branch wondered; + Oh! what a noise they made, + They of the Ninth Brigade, + Jolly Six Hundred! + + * * * * * + +A Sun-burst. + +The _Sun_ regretfully announces that PUNCHINELLO is about to "give up +the ghost." PUNCHINELLO begs to assure the Sun that he doesn't keep a +ghost; though, at the same time, the mistake was a natural one enough to +emanate from Mr. C. A. (D. B.) DANA, who keeps a REAL ghost in his +closet. + + * * * * * + +A. Natural Mistake. + +An advertisement from the establishment of Messrs. A. T. STEWART & Co., +announces, among other things, that they have opened a "MADDER PRINT." + +At first sight we supposed that the firm in question had begun +publishing a paper in opposition to the Sun, and that it was to be, if +possible, a madder print than that luminary, for the purpose of cutting +it out. Further reflection convinced us, however, that the "print" in +question was connected with the subject of dry goods, only. + + * * * * * + +Very Small Beer. + +Newspaper items state that the editor of the Winterset (Iowa,) _Sun_, +is, probably, the smallest editor in the the world." Surely the editor +of the New York Sun must be the one meant. + + * * * * * + +"Well I'm Blowed!" + +As the _omelette soufflee_ said to the cook. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AT THE SARATOGA CONVENTION. + +_Horace Greeley, (to Roscoe Conkling.)_ "DON'T BE RASH, NOW REMEMBER +THAT A SOFT ANSWER TURNETH AWAY WRATH." + +_Roscoe Conkling_. "LET US HAVE PEACE, BY ALL MEANS: BUT IF THAT FELLOW +REUBE FENTON INTERFERES WITH ME, HE HAD BETTER LOOK OUT THAT I DON'T +SMASH HIS SLATE."] + + * * * * * + +HIRAM GREEN TO NAPOLEON. + +Napoleon I and Napoleon III--Lager-Beer a Formidable Enemy to Overcome. + +SKEENSBORO, NYE ONTO VARMONT, + +_Orgust--, 18-Seventy._ + +FRIEND LEWIS: As I haint got no anser to my last letter which I rote to +your royal magesty a few weeks ago, it has occurred to me, that maybe +you don't feel well about these days, or, just as like as not our +"Cousin German," FRITZ, mite have been mean enuff as to gobble up your +male bag, and steel my letter to put into his outograf album. I now take +my pen in hand to inform you, that Ime as sound as a Saddle Rock oyster, +and hope these few lines may find you enjoyin' the same blessin. +Numerous changes have taken place since your _grand invasion_ of German +sile. + +It has certinly been very kind in your Dutch friends to save you a long +jerney to fite them. + +Insted of puttin' you to the trouble of goin' away from home for a +little excitement, you can set rite in the heart of your own country, +and enjoy the fun. + +A man by the name of NERO, was once said to do some tall fiddlin' when +Rome was burnin'. + +While the patriotic fires of your people is clusterin' around you (?) my +advice is, to cote the words of Unkle EDWARD: + + "Hang up your fiddle and your bow, + Lay down your shovel and the hoe. + Where the woodbine twineth + There's a place for Unkle LEW, + With UGEENY and little LEWIS for to go." + +The foregoin' is rather more sarcastikle than troothful. + +It laserates my venerable heart-strings, most noble Pea-cracker, to see +how you've been lickt. + +You have probly found out by this time, that the mantle of your grate +unkle has passed into the hands of some other family. + +The grate BONYPART was called the Gray Eyed man of Destiny, altho' I +don't know what country that is in, as the village of Destiny haint on +any of the war maps. + +I should judge, however, onless there is a change in the program, that +when this "cruel war is over," you will wear the belt as the champion +Black-eyed man of Urope. + +Your so-called ascendant Star, is probly the identikle loominary which; +Perfesser DAN BRYANT refers so beautifully to, in his pome of "Shoo-fly." + +It shone rather scrumpshus, in the dark, but the rays of the Sun has +nockt its twinkle hire'n GILDEROY'S kite. + +Yes, Squire BONYPART, your star is the only planet whose eclips has been +visible to the naked eye, all over the world, and can be seen without +usin' smoked glass. + +I think, in the beginnin' of the war, when you left UGEENY for Nancy, +that, like your Unkle, you made a bad go. + +When the old man stuck to JOESFEEN he was a success. + +Empires--Kingdoms--Pottentates and Hottentots, took the first train and +skedaddled, when the General sot his affeckshuns on their territory. + +The BOURBONS fled and come over here and settled in Kentucky, and +commenced makin' whiskey, payin' a tax of $2.00 per gallon, and sellin' +the seductive flooid for $1.50 per gallon, gettin' rich at that, which +may surprise you, altho' it doesen't our Eternal Revenoo Offisers, who, +as Mr. ANTONY remarked of H. BEECHER STOW when she stabbed Lord Byron, +"are all _honorable_ men." + +Finally BONYPART went back on JOSEFEEN, which made Mrs. B. scatter a few +buckets of tear drops. + +Said your Unkle: + +"What's the use of blubberin' about it? Cheer up and be a man. I belong, +body, sole and butes, to France, who says my name must be perpetuated. +You, JOSEFEEN, must pick up your duds and look for another +bordin'-house, for you can't run the Tooleries any longer." + +He then sent to Chicago and got a ten dollar devorce, and married MARIAR +LOUISER, arter which he become a played-out institootion, employin' his +time walkin' _in solo_ with his hands behind him, gazin' intently on the +toes of his butes, and wonderin' if they was the same ones which had +histed so many roolers off of their thrones. + +In view of the past, you should have stuck to UGEENY, who, I understand, +is good lookin' and sports a pretty nobby harness. + +The charms of Nancy may make your Imperial mouth water, but let an old +statesman, who has served his country for 4 years as Gustise of the +Peece, say to you, "Don't be a fool if you know anything." + +Another reason of your unsuccess is that Lager is a hard chap to fite +agin. I tried it once. + +A Dutch millingtery company visited Skeensboro a few years since, for a +target shoot, bringin' a car lode of lager-beer and a box of sardeens +for refreshments. + +I, bein' at that time Gustise, was on hand to help perserve the peece. + +Lager, they told me, wasen't intoxicatin. I histed in a few mugs. I +woulden't just say that I got soggy, but I felt like a hul regiment of +Dutch soljers on general trainin' day. + +It suddenly occurred to me that Mrs. GREEN had been puttin' on rather +too many airs lately, and I would go in and quietly remind her that I +was boss of the ranch. + +Pickin' up a hoss-whip, I "shouldered arms," and entered the kitchen as +bold as the brave FISK of the bully 9th. + +"MARIAR," said I, addressin' Mrs. GREEN, and tippin' over her pan of +dish-water so she coulden't wet my close, "yer 'aven't (hic!) tode the +mark as 'er troo (hic!) wife orter. I can't (hic!) 'ave any more of yer +(hic!) darn foolin'. Will yer (hic!) 'bey yer 'usband like a (hic!) man, +in the futer?" + +I raised the hoss-whip to give her a good blow. She caught it on a fly +with both hands, as I lade down on the floor to convince my wife I was +in earnest in what I said. + +Well, LEWIS, I remember feelin' as if I was put into a large bag with a +lot of saw logs, and was bein' viteally shoot up. I could also +distinguish my wife, flyin' about as if she had taken a contract for +thrashin' a lot of otes, and haden't but a few minnits to do it in, and +somehow I got it into my head that I was the otes. + +I went to sleep in a cloud of hosswhips--hair and panterloon buttons +rapt up in a dilapidated soot of close. + +When I awoke, I looked as if that Dutch millingtery Company had been +usin' me for a target, substitootin' my nose for the bull's eye. + +I imejutly come to the conclusion, that to successfully buck agin +Lager-beer, was full as onhealthy as tryin' to get a seat in H. WARD +BEECHER'S church on Sunday mornin's, afore all the Pew-holders had got +in. + +When you want an asilum to flee to, come to Skeensboro. + +Altho' you have got the ship of State stuck in the mud, I think I can +get you a canal bote to run, where you can earn your $115.00 a month, +provided your wife will do the cookin' for the crew. + +This is better than bein' throde onto the cold, cold charities of the +world, especially where a man has got the gout, for anything cold in apt +to bring on the pain and make him pe-uuk. + +Hopin' that in the futer, as you grow older, you may lern wisdom by +cultivatin' my acquaintance--and with kind regards to UGEEN and bub +BONYPART, in your native tung I will say: + +_Barn-sure, noblesse Pea-cracker._ + +Ewer'n, one and onseperable, + +HIRAM GREEN, Esq., + +_Lait Gustise of the Peece._ + + * * * * * + +Bunsby's War Paint. + + Napoleon's chances are not great + If German facts are true; + But if he finds not Paris Green + Hell make the Prussian Blue. + + * * * * * + +Remark by a Bandsman. + +Once upon a time the French Horn was a famous instrument, but now, +considering the retreating strategy of the French leaders, it appears to +be superseded by the Off I Glide. + + * * * * * + +The Music of the Future. + +Considering the enormous difficulties which stand in the way of the +performance of Herr WAGNER'S music, it is the music of the Few Sure +enough. + + * * * * * + +A Relic of the Past. + +The following item is taken from a daily paper: + +"The septuagenarian Dejazet sang the 'Marseillaise' at the Passy theatre +lately." + +There seems to be a mistake, here. Surely the word Passy is meant for +_passee_. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: PRECOCIOUS. + +LITTLE FEMALE AMERICA, TOO, ASSERTS HER RIGHTS AND ESPECIALLY THE RIGHT +TO THE EXCLUSIVE USE OF THE SIDE-WALK FOR A ROPE-WALK."] + + * * * * * + +OUR PORTFOLIO. + +"Well, you know, Dear Mr. PUNCHINELLOW, this is how CHARLEY DANY and me +cum to hev our fallin' out. We was boys together, was CHARLEY and me, +and went to the same school. CHARLEY were a likely lad there; never +given to spilin' the faces of t'other boys nor splashin' mud on their +clothes. Oh! but hasn't he gone back on them good old times. I wouldn't +hev' believed it, CHARLEY, no I wouldn't. + +But, as I was sayin', he were a likely lad; studyin' hard, and often +tellin' me how he would one day come out at the head of the heap, +gradooatin' before the Squire's son, JACK BALDERBACK. Just about this +time I was tuk with the measles, and father died, and SALLIE got +married, and the old woman said to me: + +"EPHRAIM, I think your school days is ended." And so they was. I never +went back again, and never saw CHARLEY these thirty-five years gone now, +'till t'other day. I went West in search of a livin', and he tuk onto +business here East. Wons't in a long time I heerd on him; how things +went well with him, and how he got up, up, up, till the ladder wasn't +big enough and he couldn't climb no higher. Folks said he was into the +war; but I didn't believe 'em. CHARLEY was a peace man, I knowed that. +Arterwards, howsumever, it cum out that it was the War Office he was +into, and not the war; and says I to myself, "EPHRAIM," says I, "didn't +I tell you so; and tell them so, and war'nt I right? I calkilate they +won't go back no more on what I says about CHARLEY DANY." + +Well, dear Mr. PUNCHINELLOW, I was one day readin' of your paper, and I +comes onto sumthin' about sumbody, which it was as I spell it, "CHARLES +A. DANA," how he was a cuttin' up shines, and how you was a pokin' fun +and hard things at him. + +I larfed right out. + +"That's smart," says I, "Yes, that's smart; but it ain't onto _my_ +CHARLEY. He ain't stuck up nor nothing of that sort. He is as innocent +as gooseberries, is the CHARLEY DANY I know;" and arterwards I thought +no more about it, till I cum on to New York for to look into the cattle +business, and see how things was shapin for trade this winter. + +I put up to the St. Nikkleas. Well, I allers larf when I think of it. +Here was an Irishman tuk my bag, slung it behind him, and says he to +me--"Foller me, if you please, sir." I follered accordin'. + +I've clumb some pretty tall hills in my day, Mr. PUNCHINELLOW, but that +'ere gettin' up them stairs jest switches the rag off of all on 'em. I +broke down. Then he tuk me to a heister, and landed us next to the roof. +I was too pegged out to wash or fix, so I flung off my cowhides, jumped +onto the bed and slept clean through till next day. In the mornin' I +rigged up, went down stairs, and asked the clerk if he would be kind +enough to pint out to me where I might see CHARLEY DANY. He sort o' +smiled like, and said I would find him at the _Sun_ office. I paid two +dollars for a kab to take me down, which it did till we stopped afore a +big yaller house, with a big board stuck up agin it havin' these words: + + +--------------------------------------------+ + | | + | "EXTRA SUN!!! | + | | + | ELOPEMENT AT MURRAY HILL. | + | FULL HISTORY OF THE PARTIES. | + | INTERESTING CHAPTER OF FAMILY SECRETS. | + | WHO IS SHE AND WHY DID SHE DO IT? | + | GENERAL GRANT BUYS A SKYE TERRIER! | + | PARTICULARS OF THE SALE!! | + | GENEALOGY OF THE DOG!!! | + | SECRETARY FISH BOBBING FOR SPANISH EELS, | + | HE IS CAUGHT BY THE GILLS. | + | THE MINION OF SPANISH TYRANNY IN DISTRESS. | + | KITCHEN COUNCILS IN FIFTH AVENUE. | + | NOTES BY OUR KEYHOLE REPORTER. | + | BABY FOUND IN THE PRIVATE OFFICE OF A | + | LEADING EDITOR. | + | WHOSE IS IT AND HOW DID IT COME THERE? | + | INTERESTING DISCLOSURES OF A PROMINENT | + | MERCHANT'S LIFE!!! | + | FOR FULL DETAILS SEE EXTRA SUN, PRICE | + | TWO CENTS!" | + | | + +--------------------------------------------+ + +"Wonder if CHARLEY writ all that 'ere," says I, inwardly, inquirin' of a +boy where Mr. DANY'S particular holdin' out place might be, and givin' +him three cents to show me the way. Drawin' a quick breath, I knocked at +the door. "Come in," says a peskish voice. I cum in, and there, sure +enough, with nose close down to the desk, a writin' away for dear life, +sat CHARLEY. I knowed him to onc't, for all he was a little oldish, and +a little grayish, and had a bare spot like a turtle's back on the top of +his head. My heart cum' a bustin' up into my throat, and an inward voice +seemed to say: + +"Do it now EPHRAIM, do it now, while the feeling is onto you." Jest then +he looked up, and I bust forth: "Oh, CHARLEY! CHARLEY! its a long time +sin' we met, CHARLEY. Don't you know me? Don't you remember little EPH +ECKELS? Oh! CHARLEY, CHARLEY, give us a grip of your knob, old +hunk"--and I slewed over towards him for to shake hands when he suddenly +drawed back, kinder gloomy like, putting down his pen and chewing his +gums sort of swagewise. as he said: + +"My name, sir, is the Hon. CHARLES AUGUSTUS DANA, Ex-Assistant Secretary +of War, Ex-Proprietor of the ablest paper in the West, and at present +Chief Editor of the New York _Sun_, price two cents. There is no +individual here, sir, answering to the appellation of "Old Hunk," and, +as I perceive, sir, that there is a most infernal smell of cow yards +about your raiment, and the effluvia arising thence is becoming +insupportable, I would thank you to get out of this apartment double +quick, and I suggest for the sake of others who may be unfortunately +brought into contact with you, that my friend the Hon. WILLIAM MANHATTAN +TWEED has recently established public baths where such creatures as you +may undergo purification before venturing into the presence of +gentlemen." + +It was CHARLEY who spoke it; Mr. PUNCHINELLOW, there is no doubt about +that; but the CHARLEY that I knew has been dead sin' that day. Yours in +memory-moram, + +EPHRAIM ECKELS. + + * * * * * + +Horrors of War. + +Much has been said about the Prussian "demonstrations" at Strasbourg. If +half what we hear of Prussian vandalism as displayed at the siege of +Strasbourg is true, "Demonstration" is a very appropriate term for the +thing. + + * * * * * + +OLIVE LOGAN. + +We have no authentic record of the date of this fair syren's birth. It +is popularly supposed, however, that she was contemporaneous with +POCAHONTAS. POKY (as she was playfully called by her playmates at +boarding-school) is now dead. LOGY (another playful appellation of the +gushing miss alluded to) is still Olive. + +We do not, however, credit the legend above cited. Also, we do not +credit the equally absurd and unreasonable story that our girlish gusher +is a daughter of a negro preacher named LOGUEN. We look upon this as a +colorless aspersion of our subject's fair fame, and we therefore feel +called upon to politely but furiously hurl it back in the teeth of its +degraded and offensive inventor. Things are come indeed to a pretty pass +when a lady of Miss LOGAN'S position may have her good name blackened +(not to say sooted) by associating it with that of a preacher. Besides, +LOGUEN was himself born in 1800, and is therefore only seventy years +old. These things are not to be borne. + +Miss LOGAN is seventeen years of age. This, at least, is reliable. We +have our information from the lips of an aunt of the Honorable HORATIUS +GREELEY, who met Miss LOGAN in Chicago in 1812, and wrung the confession +from the gifted lady herself. Mr. GREELEY'S aunt, we need not say, is +incapable of telling a lie. + +At the early age of six weeks our illustrious victim made her first +appearance as a public speaker. This was at Faneuil Hall, Boston. She +was supported on that memorable occasion by a young and fascinating lady +by the name of ANTHONY (SUSAN.) SUSIE prophesied then, it will be +remembered, that the fair oratress would yet live to be President of the +United States and Canadas. Miss LOGAN, with her customary modesty, +declined to view the mysterious future in that puerile light, gracefully +suggesting, amid a brilliant outburst of puns, metaphors and amusing +anecdotes, that SUSIE distorted the facts. Miss ANTHONY, under a +mistaken impression that this referred to her peculiar mode of keeping +accounts, offered, with a wild shriek of despair and disgust, to exhibit +her books to an unprejudiced committee of her own sex, with WENDELL +PHILLIPS as chairwoman. (There is manifest inaccuracy in this account, +though, inasmuch as Mr. PHILLIPS was not yet born, at that time; but we +of course give the story as it is related to us by eye-witnesses.) Mr. +JOHN RUSSELL YOUNG, who was in the audience, rose and said that Miss +ANTHONY'S explanation was entirely sufficient, and that she might now +take her seat. The lecturer then proceeded to discuss her subject, +"Girls." She said-- + +However, this is not a newspaper report, is it? + +Soon after this, Louis PHILLIPPE invited Miss LOGAN to visit Paris. He +represented that he should consider it an honor at any time to welcome +the beautiful demoiselle to the palace of the Tuileries. He remarked in +a postscript that his dinner hour was twelve o'clock, noon, sharp, and +that his hired man had instructions to pass Miss LOGAN at any time. +Accordingly, our syren departed hungrily for the capital of the French. +Her career in Paris is well known to every mere ordinary schoolboy: +therefore, wherefore dwell? Madame DE STAEL'S dressmaker called on her. +A committee of strong-minded milliners solicited the honor of her +acquaintance. GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN proposed an alliance with her for the +purpose of hurling imperial jackassery from its tottering throne. Other +honors were conferred on her. + +Returning to her native motherland in 1812, she once more resumed her +career as a public speakeristess. How wonderful that career has been, +does not the world know? If not, why not? She has lectured in +14,364,812,719 towns between San Francisco on the one hand and +California on the other. Upwards of fourteen million Young Men's +Christian Associations have crowded to hear her thrilling eloquence, and +lecture committees all over the land have grown fat and saucy on the +enormous profits yielded by her engagements. Country editors, who, +before speculating in tickets of admission, were without shoes to their +feet, have been suddenly converted into haughty despots and bloated +aristocrats by their prodigious gains. And Miss LOGAN herself is said to +be worth $250. + + * * * * * + +COMIC ZOOLOGY. + +Genna, Corvus.--The Common Crow. + +This Ravenous bird abounds in all temperate regions, and is a fowl of +sober aspect, although a Rogue in Grain. Crows, like time-serving +politicians, are often on the Fence, and their proficiency in the art of +Caw-cussing entitles them to rank with the Radical Spoilsmen denounced +by the sardonic DAWES. In time of war they haunt the battle-field with +the pertinacity of newspaper specials, and have a much more certain +method of making themselves acquainted with the Organization of military +Bodies than the gentlemen of the press who Pick the Brains of fugitives +from the field for their information. In time of peace the Crow leads a +comparatively quiet life, and it is no novel thing to see him walking in +the fields devouring with great apparent interest the Yellow-Covered +Cereals. Agriculturists have strong prejudices against the species, and +allege, not without reason, that large Crow Crops indicate diminished +harvests. The most persistent enemy of the Crow, however, is the martin, +which attacks it on the wing with unfaltering Pluck, and compels it to +show the White Feather. + +This variety of the genus _corvus_ was well known to the ancients. Those +solemn Bores, the Latin augurs, were in the habit of foretelling the +triumph or downfall of the Roman Eagles by the flight of Crows, and St. +PETER was once convicted of three breaches of veracity by a Crow. The +bird has also been the theme of song--the carnivorous exploits of three +of the species having been repeatedly chanted by popular Minstrels. + +A Greek author has described the Crow as a cheese-eater--but that's a +fable. Though fond of a Rare Bit of meat, it does not care a Mite for +Cheese. Nothing in the shape of flesh comes amiss to this rapacious +creature; yet, much as it enjoys the flavor of the human subject, it +relishes the _cheval mort_. During the late war, our government, with +exemplary liberality, purchased thousands of horses to feed the Southern +Crows. The consequence was that our Cavalry Charges were tremendous. + +The appearance of the Crow is grave and clerical, but it is nevertheless +an Offal bird when engaged on a Tear. It generally goes in flocks, and +the prints of its feet may be seen not only on the face of the Country, +but in many instances on the faces of the inhabitants. Naturalists do +not class it with the edible fowls. There may be men who _can_ eat crow, +but nobody hankers after it. The story of the man who "swallowed three +black crows" lacks confirmation. Looking at the whole tribe from a +Ration-al point of view, however, we have no hesitation in pronouncing +them excellent food--for powder. In this category may be included the +copper-colored Crows on our Western frontier. + + * * * * * + +THE CHURCH MILITANT. + +That Brooklyn is a City of Churches has long been known to people of +average intelligence. The following item, however, taken from a daily +paper, is very suggestive of the old saying, "The nearer the church," +etc. + +"JOHN BEATY bit off WM. HARPER'S face in April last, at a church fight +in Brooklyn, and then went to sea. Last night he came back, and was +arrested by officer Fox, who will take him before Justice WALSH to-day. +HARPER is disfigured for life." + +The matter-of-fact way in which the expression, "a church fight" is used +by the writer of the above item, seems to indicate that tabernacular +conflicts are rather the rule than the exception in "deeply religious" +Brooklyn. We were not prepared to expect, though, that theological +controversy ever ran further in Brooklyn than to the extent of "putting +a head on" one's antagonist, though now it appears that biting his face +off is more the thing. The statement that "HARPER is disfigured for +life," goes for nothing with us, as that depends altogether on what sort +of looking man he was previous to the removal of his features by means +of a dental apparatus. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE "STERN PARENT. + +_Daughter_ "WELL, TO TELL THE TRUTH, I DID NOT THINK MUCH OF THE CLOSE +OF THE SERMON." + +_Father_. "PROBABLY YOU WERE THINKING MORE OF THE CLOTHES OF THE +CONGREGATION."] + + * * * * * + +THE WAR. + +It is with feeling of intense satisfaction and self complacency, that +Mr. PUNCHINELLO submits to his readers the following despatches relative +to the Great Railroad War, which have been collected at a fabulous cost, +by a large corps of reporters and correspondents specially detailed for +the purpose. + +WAR DECLARED! + +ERIE PALACE.--It is rumored that the "unpleasantness" which has for some +time past existed between the rival powers of the Erie and the Central, +will shortly culminate in open hostilities. Col. FISK, assisted by +twelve secretaries, is said to be actively engaged in drawing up a +formal Declaration. Great enthusiasm prevails here. The Erie Galop and +FISK Guard March (price 50 cents, including full length portrait of +Capt. SPENCER,) are played nightly in the Opera House, and are +vociferously re-demanded. Every member of the Ninth has been notified to +hold himself in readiness to turn out at fifteen minutes' notice. + +LATER. + +"Erie accepts the war which VANDERBILT proffers her." The "Blonde +Usher," accompanied by an extensive retinue of brother ushers, will bear +the gauge of battle to the Tyrant of the Central. He will cast It boldly +at VANDERBILT'S feet. It is announced that he will proceed to his +destination by way of the Eighth Avenue Car Line. The reply of the +Hudson River potentate is looked forward to with great interest. + +"CENTRAL" REPORTS. + +VANDERBILT received the Declaration of War with seeming calm. On the +departure of the Erie Emissary, however, his fortitude forsook him; he +threw himself on the neck of a baggage porter and wept aloud. At a late +hour this evening a trusted agent left here for the _Tribune_ office. He +is said to have held a long conference with Mr. GREELEY, the particulars +of which have not transpired. It is supposed by many to portend an +alliance, offensive and defensive, between the King of Central and the +Philosopher of Printing-House Square. + +FROM ERIE. + +Activity is the order of the day here. Col. FISK'S $20,000 team went to +the front this morning. They are to be broken into the turmoil of war by +being led gently to and fro, before a Supreme Court injunction. A +Central spy, who was captured during the day, was immediately tried by +court-martial, and sentenced to be suspended from the flag-staff on top +of the building. He was executed at noon, a copy of the _Tribune_ being +tied to his feet, to add force to his fall and curtail his sufferings. +From legal documents found in his possession, the wretched being is +supposed to have been a minion of the law. The Narragansett and Long +Branch boats are being rapidly got ready for active service. Their +armament will consist of Parrott guns of large calibre. FISK says that +VANDERBILT will hear those Parrotts talk. + +DESPATCHES FROM THE CENTRAL. + +VANDERBILT is preparing for a grand flank movement upon the Erie forces. +He will transport passengers at one cent per head, insure their lives +for the trip, feed them on the way, and present them, on parting, with a +copy of H.G.'s paper. He has been reinforced by the _Tribune_, which +will continue to harass the enemy by attacks in the rear. + +ADVICES FROM ERIE. + +VICTORY!--By a well executed movement the Narragansett fleet under +command of Admiral Fisk, have succeeded in cutting off the _Tribune's_ +connection with Long Branch. A panic prevails in the _Tribune_ office. +HORACE GREELEY threatens, in retaliation, to lecture on farming along +the route of the Erie Railway, to the ruin of the agricultural interest +of the district. A meeting of prominent farmers has been convened to +protest against this outrage, and a strong body of Erie troops have been +sent to prevent H.G.'s advance. It is proposed, in case of attack, to +illuminate the Erie Palace by means of Colonel FISK'S big diamond, +which, it is estimated, would prove more powerful than a dozen calcium +lights. If this should not be dazzling enough, it is suggested that a +glimpse of the Colonel's $5,000 uniform might have the desired effect. +Amongst the novel instruments of warfare which the contest has given +birth to, is a new ball projected by the Prince of Erie. It will be +given at Long Branch, and will, no doubt, be very effective. + +LATEST FROM LONG BRANCH. + +As the Plymouth Rock was nearing the pier here this morning, an elderly +man, whose profane language had attracted the attention of the officers +of the vessel, was arrested by order of COL FISK. It proved to be the +sage of Chappaqua. He was attired in a clean shirt collar, by means of +which he no doubt hoped to avoid recognition. In his travelling bag was +found a tooth-brush and several copies of the _Tribune_. Upon being +tried and convicted of carrying contraband of war, he was sentenced to +give forthwith his reasons why J. C. BANCROFT DAVIS should not be +dismissed from his present office of Assistant Secretary of State. + +FROM SARATOGA. + +The news of Mr. GREELEY'S capture has affected the Commodore to such an +extent as to stretch him on a bed of sickness. JAY GOULD is reported +marching on Saratoga with a strong force. + +LATEST--PEACE! + +Central has capitulated! Erie is victorious! To-day a treaty is drawn up +by which everybody is made happy except Mr. GREELEY, who, it is +stipulated, must feign total ignorance of farming whenever he journeys +by the Erie Railway. + + * * * * * + +The place to look for them. + +_The Sun_, a few days ago, had an editorial article about a reported +theft of a box containing four large boa-constrictors. Might not a +search in the editorial boots disclose the whereabouts of the missing +reptiles? + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. Stewart & Co. | + | | + | For the accommodation of Strangers have opened | + | A large and elegant assortment of | + | | + | DRESS GOODS, | + | | + | SILKS, | + | | + | PLAIN AND PLAID POPLINS, | + | | + | Empress Cloths, | + | | + | SATINS DE CHINE, | + | | + | NEW STYLE CLOAKINGS. | + | | + | Paris and Domestic Made Suits | + | Extremely cheap. | + | | + | Children's elegantly embroidered | + | CLOAKS, DRESSES, INFANTS' ROBES. | + | | + | Paris Novelties in | + | LADIES' BASQUES, SACQUES, &c. | + | | + | A large assortment of | + | Housekeeping Goods, | + | CARPETS AND CURTAIN MATERIALS, | + | EMBROIDERED LACE AND | + | MUSLIN CURTAINS, | + | LADIES' UNDERWEAR AND GENERAL | + | OUTFITTING. | + | HOSIERY. | + | | + | Alexandra's Celebrated Kid Gloves. | + | | + | Splendid quality and New Style | + | Sash Ribbons, Sashes, Neckties, Millinery, and Trimming | + | Ribbons, &c. | + | | + | The above have been received per recent steamers, | + | and will be offered | + | At extremely attractive prices. | + | Strangers visiting our city are respectfully invited | + | to examine. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. Stewart & Co. | + | | + | Are offering, at about one-half the cost of manufacture, | + | a large lot of | + | | + | Children's and Misses' | + | Plain, Chine and Plaid Poplin Suits, | + | | + | Handsomely Trimmed, | + | | + | Suitable for the present Season, $3 each, upwards. | + | | + | Sizes to suit the ages of 3 to 12 years. | + | | + | Also, the balance of their | + | | + | Linen, Lawn, and Barege Suits. | + | | + | At exceedingly low prices. | + | | + | The above specially deserves the attention of those | + | visiting out city. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. STEWART & Co. | + | | + | have opened a large assortment of | + | | + | PLAIN AND FANCY SILKS, | + | | + | Suitable for Autumn, | + | | + | From $1 per yard upward. | + | | + | Also, a case of | + | Very Rich Satin Brocatelles, | + | | + | The choicest goods manufactured. | + | | + | BONNET'S, PONSON'S AND A. T. STEWART & Co.'s | + | | + | PLAIN BLACK SILKS, | + | | + | The handsomest goods imported. | + | | + | TRIMMINGS, SILKS AND SATINS. | + | | + | In great variety, | + | | + | Cut to suit customers. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical | + | Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The | + | Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the | + | Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever | + | published in America. | + | | + | CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. | + | | + | Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) $4.00 | + | " " six months, (without premium,) 2.00 | + | " " three months, " " 1.00 | + | Single copies mailed free, for .10 | + | | + | We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO'S | + | CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year, and | + | | + | "The Awakening," (a Litter of Puppies.) Half chromo. | + | Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,)--for $4.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $3.00 chromos: | + | | + | Wild Roses. 12-1/8 x 9. | + | Dead Game. 11-1/8 x 8-5/8. | + | Easter Morning. 6-3/4 x 10-1/4--for $5.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $5.00 chromos: | + | | + | Group of Chickens; | + | Group of Ducklings; | + | Group of Quails. Each 10 x 12-1/8. | + | The Poultry Yard. 10-1/8 x 14. | + | The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9-3/4 x 13. | + | Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10 x 12--for $6.50 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $6.00 chromos: | + | | + | The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two | + | Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13 x 16-3/4. | + | Spring; Summer: Autumn; 12-7/8 x 16-1/8. | + | The Kid's Play Ground. ll x 17-1/2--for $7.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $7.50 chromos | + | | + | Strawberries and Baskets. | + | Cherries and Baskets. | + | Currants. Each 13 x 18. | + | Horses in a Storm. 22-1/4 x 15-1/4. | + | Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9-1/8 x 4-1/2--for $8.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and Six American Landscapes. | + | (A set.) 4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00--for $9.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $10 chromos: | + | | + | Sunset in California. (Bierstadt) 18-1/8 x 12 | + | Easter Morning. 14 x 21. | + | Corregio's Magdalen. 12-1/2 x 16-3/8. | + | Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) | + | 15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), | + | for $10.00 | + | | + | Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank | + | Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be | + | sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not | + | otherwise ordered. | + | | + | Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, | + | twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in | + | advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of | + | money. | + | | + | CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be | + | given. For special terms address the Company. | + | | + | The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of | + | seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A | + | specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or | + | getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | P.O. Box 2783. | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + +[Illustration: DIVORCES READY MADE. + +_Lawyer_--"A DIVORCE, MADAM?--CERTAINLY, BY ALL MEANS. BOY, GIVE THE +LADY A DIVORCE."] + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | "The Printing House of the United States." | + | | + | GEO. F. NESBITT & CO., | + | | + | General JOB PRINTERS, | + | BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, | + | STATIONERS. Wholesale and Retail. | + | LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers. | + | COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers, | + | ENVELOPE Manufacturers, | + | FINE CUT and COLOR Printers. | + | | + | 163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., | + | 73, 75, 77, and 79 FINE ST., New York. | + | | + | ADVANTAGES.--All at the same premises, and under | + | immediate supervision of the proprietors. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Tourists and Pleasure Travelers | + | | + | will be glad to learn that that the Erie Railway Company has | + | prepared | + | | + | COMBINATION EXCURSION or Round Trip Tickets, | + | | + | Valid during the the entire season, and embracing | + | Ithaca--headwaters of Cayuga Lake--Niagara Falls, Lake | + | Ontario, the River St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake | + | Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, the White Mountains, and | + | all principal points of interest in Northern New York, the | + | Canadas, and New England. Also similar Tickets at reduced | + | rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit | + | the celebrated Iron Mountains and Copper Mines of that | + | region. By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., | + | Nos. 241, 529, and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 33 | + | Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 | + | Fulton St., Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and | + | foot of 23rd St., New York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long | + | Dock Depot, Jersey City, and the Agents at the principal | + | hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as | + | well as all the necessary information. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," "Water-Lilies," | + | "Chas. Dickens." | + | | + | PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the world. | + | | + | PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp. | + | | + | L. PRANG & CO., Boston. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | With a large and varied experience in the management and | + | publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and | + | with the still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital | + | to justify the undertaking, the | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. | + | | + | OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK, | + | | + | Presents to the public for approval, the new | + | | + | ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL | + | | + | WEEKLY PAPER, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO, | + | | + | The first number of which was issued under date of April 2. | + | | + | ORIGINAL ARTICLES, | + | | + | Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive | + | ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the | + | day, are always acceptable and will be paid for liberally. | + | Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage | + | stamps are included. | + | | + | TERMS: | + | | + | One copy, per year, in advance ...................... $4.00 | + | | + | Single copies ........................................ .10 | + | | + | A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten | + | cents. | + | | + | One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine | + | or paper, price, $2.50, for................... $5.50 | + | | + | One copy, with any magazine of paper, price $4, for ... | + | $7.00 | + | | + | All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, | + | | + | P. O. Box, 2783, NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. | + | | + | The New Burlesque Serial, | + | | + | Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO, | + | | + | BY | + | | + | OEPHEUS C. KERR, | + | | + | Commenced in No. 11, will be continued weekly throughout the | + | year. | + | | + | A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom friend, | + | with superb illustrations of | + | | + | 1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, | + | TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY | + | | + | 2D. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE, taken | + | as he appears "Every Saturday," will also be found in the | + | same number. | + | | + | Single Copies, for Sale by all newsmen, (or mailed from this | + | office, free,) Ten Cents. Subscription for One Year, one | + | copy, with $2 Chromo Premium, $4. | + | | + | Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this new | + | serial, which promises to be the best ever written by | + | ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular | + | receipt weekly. | + | | + | We will send the first Ten Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to any one | + | who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on the | + | receipt of SIXTY CENTS. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, | + | | + | P. O. Box 2783. 83 Nassau St., New York | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + * * * * * + +GEO. W. WHEAT & CO, PRINTERS, No. 8 SPRUCE STREET. + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 25, September +17, 1870, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 1, NO. 25 *** + +***** This file should be named 10033.txt or 10033.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/0/3/10033/ + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, +Steve Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS," WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Each eBook is in a subdirectory of the same number as the eBook's +eBook number, often in several formats including plain vanilla ASCII, +compressed (zipped), HTML and others. + +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks replace the old file and take over +the old filename and etext number. The replaced older file is renamed. +VERSIONS based on separate sources are treated as new eBooks receiving +new filenames and etext numbers. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + +EBooks posted prior to November 2003, with eBook numbers BELOW #10000, +are filed in directories based on their release date. If you want to +download any of these eBooks directly, rather than using the regular +search system you may utilize the following addresses and just +download by the etext year. + + http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext06 + + (Or /etext 05, 04, 03, 02, 01, 00, 99, + 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90) + +EBooks posted since November 2003, with etext numbers OVER #10000, are +filed in a different way. The year of a release date is no longer part +of the directory path. The path is based on the etext number (which is +identical to the filename). The path to the file is made up of single +digits corresponding to all but the last digit in the filename. For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: + https://www.gutenberg.org/GUTINDEX.ALL + + |