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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:33:44 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:33:44 -0700 |
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diff --git a/10017-0.txt b/10017-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bd3ac97 --- /dev/null +++ b/10017-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2239 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10017 *** + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | CONANT'S | + | | + | PATENT BINDERS | + | | + | FOR | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO," | + | | + | to preserve the paper for binding will be sent postpaid on | + | receipt of One Dollar, by | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street, New York City. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | Carbolic Salve | + | | + | Recommended by Physicians. | + | | + | The best Salve in use for all disorders of the Skin, | + | for Cuts, Burns, Wounds, &c. | + | | + | USED IN HOSPITALS | + | | + | SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS. | + | | + | PRICE 25 CENTS. | + | | + | JOHN F. HENRY, Sole Proprietor, | + | No. 8 College Place, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S | + | | + | STEEL PENS. | + | | + | These Pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and | + | cheaper than any other Pen in the market. Special attention | + | is called to the following grades, as being better suited | + | for business purposes than any pen manufactured. The | + | | + | "505," "22," and the "Anti-Corrosive," | + | | + | we recommend for Bank and Office use. | + | | + | D. APPLETON & CO., | + | | + | Sole Agent for United States. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + +Vol. I. No. 23. + + +PUNCHINELLO + + +SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 1870. + + +PUBLISHED BY THE + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, + +83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK. + + * * * * * + +THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD, By ORPHEUS C. KERR, + +Continued in this Number. + + * * * * * + +See 15th page for Extra Premiums. + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | $47,000 REWARD. | + | | + | PROCLAMATION. | + | | + | The Murder of Mr. Benjamin Nathan. | + | | + | The widow having determined to increase the rewards | + | heretofore offered by me (in my proclamation of July 29), | + | and no result having yet been obtained, and suggestions | + | having been made that the rewards were not sufficiently | + | distributive or specific, the offers in the previous | + | proclamation are hereby superseded by the following: | + | | + | A REWARD of $30,000 will be paid for the arrest and | + | conviction of the murderer of BENJAMIN NATHAN, who was | + | killed in hie house, No. 12 West Twenty-third Street, New | + | York, on the morning of Friday, July 29. | + | | + | A REWARD of $1,000 will be paid for the identification and | + | recovery of each and every one of the three Diamond Shirt | + | Studs which were taken from the clothing of the deceased on | + | the night of the murder. Two of the diamonds weighed, | + | together, 1, 1/2, and 1/3, and 1-16 carats, and the other, a | + | flat stone, showing nearly a surface of one carat, weighed | + | 3/4 and 1-32. All three were mounted in skeleton settings, | + | with spiral screws, but the color of the gold setting of the | + | flat diamond was not so dark as the other two. | + | | + | A REWARD of $1,500 will be paid for the identification and | + | recovery of one of the watches, being the Gold anchor | + | Hunting-case Stem-winding Watch, No. 5657, 19 lines, or | + | about two inches in diameter, made by Ed. Perregaux; or for | + | the Chain and Seals thereto attached. The Chain is very | + | massive, with square links, and carries a Pendant Chain with | + | two seals, one of them having the monogram "B.N.," cut | + | thereon. | + | | + | A REWARD of $300 will be given for information leading to | + | the identification and recovery of an old-fashioned | + | open-faced Gold Watch, with gold dial, showing rays | + | diverging from the center, and with raised figures; believed | + | to have been made by Tobias, and which was taken at the same | + | time as the above articles. | + | | + | A REWARD of $300 will be given for the recovery of a Gold | + | Medal of about the size of a silver dollar, and which bears | + | an inscription of presentation not precisely known, but | + | believed to be either "To Sampson Simpson, President of the | + | Jews' Hospital," or, "To Benjamin Nathan, President of the | + | Jews' Hospital." | + | | + | A REWARD of $100 will be given for full and complete | + | detailed information descriptive of this medal, which may be | + | useful in securing its recovery. | + | | + | A REWARD of $1,000 will be given for information leading to | + | the identification of the instrument used in committing the | + | murder, which is known as a "dog" or clamp, and is a piece | + | of wrought iron about sixteen inches long, turned up for | + | about an inch at each end, and sharp; such as is used by | + | ship-carpenters, or post-trimmers, ladder-makers, | + | pump-makers, sawyers, or by iron-moulders to clamp their | + | flasks. | + | | + | A REWARD of $800 will be given to the man who, on the | + | morning of the murder, was seen to ascend the steps and pick | + | up a piece of paper lying there, and then walk away with it, | + | if he will come forward and produce it. | + | | + | Any information bearing upon the case may be sent to the | + | Mayor, John Jourdan, Superintendent of Police City of New | + | York; or to James J. Kelso, Chief Detective Officer. | + | | + | A. OAKEY HALL, MAYOR. | + | | + | The foregoing rewards are offered by the request of, and are | + | guaranteed by me. | + | | + | Signed, EMILY G. NATHAN, | + | | + | Widow of B. NATHAN. | + | | + | The following reward has also been offered by the New York | + | Stock Exchange: | + | | + | $10,000.--The New York Stock Exchange offers a reward of Ten | + | Thousand Dollars for the arrest and conviction of the | + | murderer or murderers of Benjamin Nathan, late a member of | + | said Exchange, who was killed on the night of July 28, 1870, | + | at his house in Twenty-third street. New York City. | + | | + | J. L. BROWNELL, Vice-Chairman | + | | + | Gov. Com. | + | | + | D. C. HAYS, Treasurer. | + | B. O. WHITE, Secretary. | + | MAYOR'S OFFICE, New York, August 5, 1870. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | TO NEWS-DEALERS. | + | | + | Punchinello's Monthly. | + | | + | The Weekly Numbers for July. | + | | + | Bound in a Handsome Cover, | + | | + | Is now ready. Price Fifty Cents. | + | | + | THE TRADE | + | | + | Supplied by the | + | | + | AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, | + | | + | Who are now prepared to receive Orders. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | WEVILL & HAMMAR, | + | | + | Wood Engravers, | + | | + | 208 Broadway, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bowling Green Savings-Bank | + | | + | 33 BROADWAY, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + | Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M. | + | | + | _Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents | + | to Ten Thousand Dollars, will be received._ | + | | + | Six per Cent interest, | + | Free of Government Tax. | + | | + | INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS | + | | + | Commences on the First of every Month. | + | | + | HENRY SMITH, _President_ | + | | + | REEVES E. SELMES, _Secretary._ | + | | + | | + | WALTER ROCHE, EDWARD HOGAN, _Vice-Presidents_. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | NEWS DEALERS | + | | + | ON | + | | + | RAIL-ROADS, | + | | + | STEAMBOATS, | + | | + | And at | + | | + | WATERING PLACES, | + | | + | Will find the Monthly Numbers of | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | For April, May, June, and July, an attractive and | + | Saleable Work. | + | | + | Single Copies Price 50 cts. | + | | + | For trade price address American News Co., or | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | Nassau Street. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FORST & AVERELL | + | | + | Steam, Lithograph, and Letter Press | + | | + | PRINTERS, | + | | + | EMBOSSERS, ENGRAVERS, AND LABEL | + | MANUFACTURERS. | + | | + | Sketches and Estimates furnished upon application. | + | | + | 23 Platt Street, and 20-22 Gold Street, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + | [P.O. Box 2845.] | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | FOLEY'S | + | | + | GOLD PENS. | + | | + | THE BEST AND CHEAPEST. | + | | + | 256 BROADWAY. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | $2 to ALBANY and TROY. | + | | + | The Day Line Steamboats C. Vibbard and Daniel Drew, | + | commencing May 31, will leave Vestry st. Pier at 8.45, and | + | Thirty-fourth st. at 9 a.m., landing at Yonkers,(Nyack, and | + | Tarrytown by ferry-boat), Cozzens, West Point, Cornwall, | + | Newburgh, Poughkeepsie, Rhinebeck, Bristol, Catskill, | + | Hudson, and New-Baltimore. A special train of broad-gauge | + | cars in connection with the day boats will leave on arrival | + | at Albany (commencing June 20) for Sharon Springs. Fare | + | $4.25 from New York and for Cherry Valley. The Steamboat | + | Seneca will transfer passengers from Albany to Troy. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | J.M. Sprague | + | | + | Is the Authorized Agent of | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | For the | + | | + | New England States, | + | | + | To Procure Subscriptions, and to Employ Canvassors. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HENRY L. STEPHENS, | + | | + | ARTIST, | + | | + | No. 160 Fulton Street, | + | | + | NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | GEO. B. BOWLEND, | + | | + | Draughtsman & Designer | + | | + | No. 160 Fulton Street, | + | | + | Room No. 11, NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Clerk's Office of the District +Court of the United States, for the Southern District of New York. + + * * * * * + + +THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD: + +AN ADAPTATION. + +BY ORPHEUS C. KERR. + +CHAPTER XVI. + +AVUNCULAR DEVOTIO + +Having literally _fallen_ asleep from his chair to the rug, J. BUMSTEAD, +Esquire, was found to have reached such an extraordinary depth in +slumber, that Mr. and Mrs. SMYTHE, his landlord and landlady, who were +promptly called in by Mr. DIBBLE, had at first some fear that they +should never be able to drag him out again. In pursuance, however, of a +mode of treatment commended to their judgment, by frequent previous +practice with the same patient, the good couple poured a pitcher of +water over his fallen head; hauled him smartly up and down the room, +first by a hand and then by a foot; singed his whiskers with a hot +poker, held him head-downward for a time, and tried various other +approved allopathic remedies. Seeing that he still slept profoundly, +though appearing, by occasional movements of his arms, to entertain +certain passing dreams of single combats, the quick womanly wit of Mrs. +SMYTHE finally hit upon the homoeopathic expedient of softly shaking his +familiar antique flask at his right ear. Scarcely had the soft, liquid +sound therefrom resulting been addressed for a minute to the auricular +orifice, when a singularly pleasing smile wreathed the countenance of +the Ritualistic organist, his eyelids flew up like the spring-covers of +two valuable hunting-case watches, and he suddenly arose to a sitting +position upon the rug and began feeling around for the bed-clothes. + +"There!" cried Mrs. SMYTHE, greatly affected by his pathetic expression +of countenance, "you're all right now, sir. How worn-out you must have +been, to sleep so!" + +"Do you always go to sleep with such alarming suddenness?" asked Mr. +DIBBLE. + +"When I have to go anywhere, I make it a rule to go at once:--similarly, +when going to sleep," was the answer. "Excuse me, however, for keeping +you waiting, Mr. DIBBLE. We've had quite a rain, sir." + +His hair, collar, and shoulders being very wet from the water which had +been poured upon him during his slumber, Mr. BUMSTEAD, in his present +newly-awake frame of mind, believed that a hard shower had taken place, +and thereupon turned moody. + +"We've had quite a rain, sir, since I saw you last," he repeated, +gloomily, "and I am freshly reminded of my irreparable loss." + +"Such an open, spring-like character!" apostrophized the lawyer, staring +reflectively into the grate. + +"Always open when it rained, and closing with a spring," said Mr. +BUMSTEAD, in soft abstraction lost. + +"_Who_ closed with a spring?" queried the elder man, irascibly. + +"The umbrella," sobbed JOHN BUMSTEAD. + +"I was speaking of your nephew, sir!" was Mr. DIBBLE'S impatient +explanation. + +Mr. BUMSTEAD stared at him sorrowfully for a moment, and then requested +Mrs. SMYTHE to step to a cupboard in the next room and immediately pour +him out a bottle of soda-water which she should find there. + +"Won't you try some?" he asked the lawyer, rising limply to his feet +when the beverage was brought, and drinking it with considerable noise. + +"No, thank you," returned Mr. DIBBLE. + +"As you please, then," said the organist, resignedly. "Only, if you have +a headache don't blame me. (Mr. and Mrs. SMYTHE, you may place a few +cloves where I can get them, and retire.) What you have told me, Mr. +DIBBLE, concerning the breaking of the engagement between your ward and +my nephew, relieves my mind of a load. As a right-thinking man, I can no +longer suspect you of having killed EDWIN DROOD." + +"Suspect ME?" screamed the aged lawyer, almost leaping into the air. + +"Calm yourself," observed Mr. BUMSTEAD, quietly, the while he ate a +sedative clove. "I say that I can _not_ longer suspect you. I can not +think that a person of your age would wantonly destroy a human life +merely to obtain an umbrella." + +Absolutely purple in the face, Mr. DIBBLE snatched his hat from a chair +just as the Ritualistic organist was about to sit upon it, and was on +the point of hurrying wrathfully from the room, when the entrance of +Gospeler SIMPSON arrested him. + +Noting his agitation, Mr. BUMSTEAD instantly resolved to clear him from +suspicion in the new-comer's mind also. + +"Reverend Sir," he said to the Gospeler, quickly, "in this sad affair we +must be just, as well as vigilant I believe Mr. DIBBLE to be as innocent +as ourselves. Whatever may be his failings so far as liquor is +concerned, I wholly acquit him of all guilty knowledge of my nephew and +umbrella." + +Too apoplectic with suffocating emotions to speak, Mr. DIBBLE foamed +slightly at the month and tore out a lock or two of his hair. + +"And I believe that my unhappy pupil, Mr. PENDRAGON, is as guiltless," +responded the puzzled Gospeler. "I do not deny that he had a quarrel +with Mr. DROOD, in the earlier part of their acquaintance; but, as you, +Mr. BUMSTEAD, yourself, admit, their meeting at the Christmas-Eve dinner +was amicable; as I firmly believe their last mysterious parting to have +been." + +The organist raised his fine head from the shadow of his right hand, in +which it had rested for a moment, and said, gravely: "I cannot deny, +gentlemen, that I have had my terrible distrusts of you all. Even now, +while, in my deepest heart, I release Mr. DIBBLE and Mr. PENDRAGON from +all suspicion, I cannot entirely rid my mind of the impression that you, +Mr. SIMPSON, in an hour when, from undue indulgence in stimulants, you +were not wholly yourself, may have been tempted, by the superior +fineness of the alpaca, to slay a young man inexpressibly dear to us +all." + +"Great heavens, Mr. BUMSTEAD!" panted the Gospeler, livid with horror, +"I never--" + +--"Not a word, sir!" interrupted the Ritualistic organist,--"not a word, +Reverend sir, or it may be used against you at your trial." + +Pausing not to see whether the equally overwhelmed old lawyer followed +him, the horribly astounded Gospeler burst precipitately from the house +in wild dismay, and was presently hurrying past the pauper +burial-ground. Whether he had been drawn to that place by some one of +the many mystic influences moulding the fates of men, or because it +happened to be on his usual way home, let students of psychology and +topography decide. Thereby he was hurrying, at any rate, when a shining +object lying upon the ground beside the broken fence, caused him to stop +suddenly and pick up the glittering thing. It was an oroide watch, +marked E.D.; and, a few steps further on, a coppery-looking seal-ring +also attracted the finder's grasp. With these baubles in his hand the +genial clergyman was walking more slowly onward, when it abruptly +occurred to him, that his possession of such property might possibly +subject him to awkward consequences if he did not immediately have +somebody arrested in advance. Perspiring freely at the thought, he +hurried to his house, and, there securing the company of MONTGOMERY +PENDRAGON, conveyed his beloved pupil at once before Judge SWEENEY, and +made affidavit of finding the jewelry. The jeweler, who had wound EDWIN +DROOD'S watch for him on the day of the dinner, promptly identified the +timepiece by the innumerable scratches around the keyhole; Mr. BUMSTEAD, +though at first ecstatic with the idea that the seal-ring was a ferule +from an umbrella, at length allowed himself to be persuaded into a +gloomy recognition of it as a part of his nephew, and MONTGOMERY was +detained in custody for further revelations. + +News of the event circulating, the public mind of Bumsteadville lost no +time in deploring the incorrigible depravity of Southern character, and +recollecting several horrors of human Slavery. It was now clearly +remembered that there had once been rumors of terrible cruelties by a +PENDRAGON family to an aged colored man of great piety; who, because he +incessantly sang hymns in the cotton-field, was sent to a field farther +from the PENDRAGON mansion, and ultimately died. Citizens reminded each +other, that when, during the rebellion, a certain PENDRAGON of the +celebrated Southern Confederacy met a former religious chattel of his +confronting him with a bayonet in the loyal ranks, and immediately +afterwards felt a cold, tickling sensation under one of his ribs, he +drew a pistol upon the member of the injured race, who subsequently died +in Ohio of fever and ague. What wonder was it, then, that this young +PENDRAGON with an Indian club and a swelled head should secretly +slaughter the nephew and appropriate the umbrella of one of the most +loyal and devoted Ritualists that ever sent a substitute to battle? In +the mighty metropolis, too, the Great Dailies--those ponderous engines +of varied and inaccurate intelligence--published detailed and mistaken +reports of the whole affair, and had subtle editorial theories as to the +nature of the crime. The _Sun,_ after giving a cut of an old-fashioned +parlor-grate as a diagram of Mr. BUMSTEAD'S house, and a portrait of Mr. +JOHN RUSSELL YOUNG as a correct photograph of the alleged murderer by +ROCKWOOD, said:--"The retention of Mr. FISH as Secretary of State by the +present venal Administration, and the official countenance otherwise +corruptly given to friends of Spanish tyranny who do not take the _Sun,_ +are plainly among the current encouragements to such crime as that in +the full reporting of which to-day the _Sun's_ advertisements are +crowded down to a single page, as usual. Judge CONNOLLY, after walking +all the way from Yorkville, agrees with the _Sun_ in believing, that +something more than an umbrella tempted this young MONTMORENCY PADREGON +to waylay EDWIN WOOD. To-morrow we shall give the public still further +exclusive revelations, such as the immense circulation of the New York +_Sun_ enables us especially to obtain. On this, as upon every occasion +of the publication of the _Sun,_ we shall leave out columns upon columns +of profitable advertising, in order that no reader of the _Sun_ shall be +stinted in his criminal news. The _Sun_ (price two cents) has never yet +been bought by advertisers, and never will be." The _Tribune_ said: +"What time the reader can spare from perusing our special dispatches +concerning the progress of Smalleyism in Europe, shall, undoubtedly, be +given to our female-reporter's account of the alleged tragedy at +Bumperville. There are reasons of manifest propriety to restrain us, as +superior journalists, from the sensational theorizing indulged by +editors choosing to expend more care and money upon local news than upon +European rumors; but we may not injudiciously hazard the assumption, +that, were the police under any other than Democratic domination, such a +murder as that alleged to have been committed by MANTON PENJOHNSON on +BALDWIN GOOD had not been possible. PENJOHNSON, it shall be noticed, is +a Southerner, while young GOOD was strongly Northern in sentiment; and +it requires no straining of a point to trace in these known facts a +sectional antagonism to which even a long war has not yielded full +sanguinary satiation." The _World_ said: "_Acerrima proximorum odia;_ +and, under the present infamous Radical abuse of empire, the hatred +between brothers, first fostered by the eleutheromaniacs of +Abolitionism, is bearing its bitter fruit of private assassination at +last. Somewhere amongst our _loci communes_ of to-day may be found a +report of the supposed death, at Hampsteadville (_not_ Bumperville, as a +radical contemporary has it,) of a young Northerner named GOODWIN BLOOD, +at the hands of a Southern gentleman belonging to the stately old +Southern family of PENTORRENS. The PENTORRENS' are related, by old +cavalier stock, to the Dukes of Mandeville, whose present ducal +descendant combines the elegance of an Esterhazy with the intellect of +an Argyle. That a scion of such blood as this has reduced a fellow-being +to a condition of inanimate protoplasm, is to be regretted for his sake; +but more for that of a country in which the philosophy of COMTE finds in +a corrupt radical pantarchy all-sufficient first-cause of whatsoever is +rotten in the State of Denmark." The Times said: "We give no details of +the Burnstableville tragedy to-day, not being willing to pander to a +vitiated public taste; but shall do so to-morrow." + +After reading these articles in the Great Dailies with considerable +distraction, and inferring therefrom, that at least three different +young Southerners had killed three different young Northerners in three +different places on Christmas-Eve, Judge SWEENEY had a rush of blood to +the brain, and discharged MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON as a person of +undistinguishable identity. But, when set at large, the helpless youth +could not turn a corner without meeting some bald-headed reporter who +raised the cry of "Stop thief!" if he sought to fly, and, if he paused, +interviewed him in a magisterial manner, and almost tearfully implored +him to Confess his crime in time for the Next Edition. + +Father DEAN, Ritual Rector of St. Cow's, meeting Gospeler SIMPSON upon +one of their daily strolls through the snow, said to him: + +"This young man, your pupil, has sinned, it appears, and a Ritualistic +church, Mr. Gospeler, is no sanctuary for sinners." + +"I cannot believe that the sin is his, Holy Father," answered the +Reverend OCTAVIUS, respectfully: "but, even if it is, and he is +remorseful for it, should not our Church cover him with her wings?" + +"There are no wings to St. Cow's yet," returned the Father, +coldly,--"only the main building; and that is too small to harbor any +sinner who has not sufficient means to build a wing or two for himself." + +"Then," said the Gospeler, bowing his head and speaking slowly, "I +suppose he must go to the Other Church." + +"What Other church?" + +The Gospeler raised his hat and spoke reverently:-- + +That which is all of God's world outside this little church of ours. +That in which the Altar is any humble spot pressed by the knees of the +Unfortunate. That in which the priest is whoso doeth a good, unselfish +deed, even if in the shadow of the scaffold. That in which the anthem of +visible charity for an erring brother sinks into the listening soul an +echo of an unseen Father's pity and forgiveness, and the choral service +is the music of kind words to all who ever found but unkind words +before." + +"You must mean the Church of the Pooritans," said the Ritual Rector. + +So, MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON went forth from Gospeler's Gulch to seek harbor +where he might; and, a day or two afterwards, Mr. BUMSTEAD exhibited to +Mr. SIMPSON the following entry in his famous Diary. + +"No signs of that umbrella yet. Since the discovery of the watch and +seal-ring, I am satisfied that my umbrella, only, was the temptation of +the murderer. I now swear that I will no more discuss either my nephew +or my umbrella with any living soul, until I have found once more the +familiar boyish form and alpaca canopy, or brought vengeance upon him +through whom I am nephewless and without protection in the rain." + +(_To be Continued._) + + * * * * * + +CHINCAPIN AMONG THE FREE LOVERS. + +MR. PUNCHINELLO: When Oratory, rising to its loftiest flights upon the +wings of Buncombe, denounces with withering scorn the effete and +tyrannical monarchies of Europe, and proclaims the glorious fact that +this is a Free Country, Fellow Citizens! it hardly does us justice. We +are not only free, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, we are Free and Easy, sir. Breathes +there a man so tortuously afflicted with Strabismus that he doesn't see +it? If such there be let him go and visit the Oneida Community. + +Last week I took a run down to Oneida myself. I found the Communists a +very Social crowd, I can assure you. PROUDHON himself might be proud of +such disciples, and DESIDERANT find nothing there to be Desiderated. The +Communists divide everything equally, particularly the Affections, so +there are no Better Halves among them. In Utah, you are aware, Mr. +PUNCHINELLO, the women are Sealed to the men, but among these people +they are not even Wafered. Your Own IDA may be anybody else's in the +Oneida Community. The only individuals that object to Dividing are the +children, who are generally opposed to Division, both long and Short, as +well as to Fractions. + +Infants don't go for much among the Free Lovers, and are Put Out--to +Nurse. After the age of Fifteen months they are surrendered by their +Ma's to the Charge of the Two Hundred (the number of men and women in +the Community,) who become their common parents, and the infants become +common property. The domestic arrangements are entrusted to two females, +who are called the "Mothers of the Community." But whether these dual +Mothers Do All the Nursing I am unable to say. + +I had a little conversation with the Eminent and Aged Free Lover who +acted as my guide, and I give it in the manner of the "interviewing +reporter." + +CHINC. Venerable Seer, tip us your views on the subject of Love. + +AGED FREE-LOVER Do you then take an Interest in our Principles? + +CHINC. (Dubiously.) Then you _have_-- + +A. F. L. Yes, of our own. They are not those of a prejudiced Wor-r-r-ld. +Our principles are Embraced in the Communism of Love and Passional +Attraction. + +CHINC. (Confidently.) Ah, yes; of course--you are Free Lovers. + +A. F. L. Sir-r-r? + +CHINC. (Much abashed.) Excuse me. I am young, inexperienced, and but +slightly acquainted with the Dictionary. + +A. P. L. So I see. Know, young man, that we scorn and repudiate the name +of Free Lovers as applied to us by the newspapers. It is true we believe +that Love should be untrammelled by the Hateful Bonds of Marriage. With +us a Lady may have an affinity for any number of gentlemen, and +vice-versa. But we are not Free Lovers. + +CHINC. Oh, no! Not by no means. Not any. + +A. F. L. (Growing eloquent.) We have only advanced from the simple to +the more complex form of matrimony. Why should not the faithfulness +which constitutes the wretchedly exclusive dual Marriage of the +Wor-r-r-ld exist as well between Two Hundred as between two? Why? + +CHINC. Why, O why? But there may be reasons-- + +A.F.L. Young Man, reared in the hateful prejudices of an Unprogressive +Wor-r-ld, there air none. + +CHINC. This system, as you, Ancient Person, observe, is much complexed. +Do I, then, understand you that a woman may have fifty affinities and +yet be faithful to each? + +A.F.L. Yes, my son, any number. This plurality of affinities you of +course cannot appreciate. A prejudiced Wor-r-r-ld cannot understand the +Bond of Union which connects all the Brothers and Sisters in a Spiritual +Marriage. The results of the complex system are-- + +CHINC. (Interrupting.) I--I--fear the complexity of your system is one +too many for me. I feel that my Brow cannot stand the pressure. I must +away. Farewell, old man--Adieu! + +Such, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, is briefly the Free and Easy Doctrine of Natural +Affinity and Passional Attraction. I have no doubt there are some +illiberal Persons who would give it a much harsher name. For myself, I +believe in the Biggest kind of Liberty, but not for the Biggest kind of +Libertines. Reverentially yours, + +CHINCAPIN. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: LACONIC, BUT EXPRESSIVE. + +SCENE: NEIGHBORHOOD OF THE FIVE POINTS + +_First Ruffian._ "WHERE TO NOW, SNOOTY?" + +_Second Ditto._ "PICNIC." + +_First Ditto._ "WOTTERYER GOT IN YER LUNCH WALLET?" + +_Second Ditto._ "SLUNG SHOT."] + + * * * * * + +REJUVENATED FRANCE. + +PUNCHINELLO has perused a draft of the next Constitution of the French +people, or of France, if that is better. Unwilling to give it to his +readers in full, at present, he considers himself authorized, however, +to cite a few paragraphs of it, which will be found both original and +interesting. + +FIFTY-SEVENTH CONSTITUTION OF FRANCE. (One a year, more or less.) + +_Paragraph_ 1. The French Nation is sovereign; the French people are +sovereign; sovereigns are sovereign; every Frenchman is sovereign. + +_Paragraph_ 2. All men are equal, but Frenchmen are highly superior to +all other men. + +_Paragraph_ 3. In order to secure peace, it is decreed and plebiscited +that all governments shall have a chance. For the next ten years, or +less, the Orleans Dynasty shall rule; after that a BONAPARTE for a few +years; then a Republic, "democratic and social," as long as it can keep +on its legs. After that a second Republic, for a twelvemonth at least. +Then an old BOURBON, if one can be found. After this, a military +dictatorship; the army to decide its duration. At each change the people +will decide by plebiscit whether they want the respective governments to +be: _personal_, _legal_, or neither. + +_Paragraph_ 4.--But here we must stop. + + * * * * * + +Titans. + +The _Liberté_ says: "A lot of crazy fellows tried to proclaim the +republic at Toulouse." Now there are manifestly two errors in this +statement. The fellows alluded to were not Toulouse, but too tight +fellows. Moreover, if they really had been crazies, as the _Liberté_ +supposes, they would have been instantly arrested and sent to Paris, +under guard, by the way of the Madder line, to await the action of the +Prefect of the Sane. + + * * * * * + +Astronomical. + +A NEW Milky Way has been discovered. It is the way the milk producers +(farmers, not cows,) of Westchester County have of insisting upon +raising their charges for milk from four cents to five cents a quart, +wholesale. We fail to discern the milk of human kindness, here; but it +is clear that the milk in the cocoa-nuts of these farmers is mighty +sour. + + * * * * * + +WHAT SIGERSON SAYS. + +SIGERSON (Dr.) of the Royal Irish Academy, has gone and said some mighty +unpleasant things about the Atmosphere. How he found them out, we can't +say, (and we hope _he_ can't:) but nevertheless, he declares, with the +most dreadful calmness, that if you go to visit the Iron Works, you will +inevitably breathe a great many hollow Balls of Iron, say about one two +thousandth of an inch in diameter! What these rather diminutive +ferruginous globules will do for you, we do not know; but you can see +for yourself, that with your lungs full of little iron balls you must +certainly be in a "parlous" state. We should say that we had quite as +lief have the air full of those iron spheres, termed Cannon Balls, as it +is now in France. It is true, one couldn't get many of _these_ inside +one with impunity; and equally true, that foundry men do manage to live, +with all that iron in their lungs; but we can't say we desire to "build +up an Iron Constitution," as the P-r-n S-r-p folks say, by the inhaling +process. + +But SIGERSON is not content to render the neighborhood of Iron Works +questionable to the delicate and apprehensive; in "shirt-factory air" he +declares, upon honor, "there are little filaments of linen and cotton, +with minute eggs" (goodness gracious!) "Threshing machines," he more +than insinuates, "fill the air with fibres, starch-grains and spores," +(spores! think of that;) and (what is truly ha(i)rrowing,) in "stables +and barber's shops" you cannot but breathe "scales and hairs." Good +Heavens! + +What he says of printers and smokers is simply horrible; in short, this +dreadful SIGERSON has gone and made life a wretched and lingering (to +quote the sensitive Mrs. GAMP,) "progiss through this mortial wale." + + * * * * * + +THE WATERING PLACES. + +Punchinello's Vacation. + +When we visit ordinary places of summer resort, we require no particular +outfit, (it being remembered that the "we" alluded to comprehends only +males,) excepting a suitable supply of summer clothes. But when we go to +the Adirondacks,--certainly a most extraordinary place of summer +resort,--we require an outfit which is as remarkable as the region +itself. Thoroughly understanding this necessity, Mr. PUNCHINELLO made +himself entirely ready for a life in the woods before he set out for the +Adirondack Mountains. Witness the completeness of his preparations. + +The railroad to the heart of this delightful resort is not yet finished, +and when Mr. P. had completed his long journey, in which the excellence +and abominabitity,--so to speak,--of every American form of conveyance +was exhibited, he was glad enough to see before him those charming wilds +which are gradually being tamed down by the well-to-do citizens of New +York and Boston. He found that it was necessary, in order to enter the +district, to pass through a gate in a high pale-fence, and, to his +surprise, he was informed that he must buy a ticket before being allowed +to proceed. On inquiry, he discovered that the Reverend Mr. MURRAY, of +Boston, claiming the whole Adirondack region by right of discovery, had +fenced it entirely in, and demanded entrance money of all visitors. + +This was bad, to be sure, but there was no help for it, and Mr. P. +bought his ticket and passed in. + +The Adirondack scenery is peculiar. In the first place, there are no +pavements or gravel walks. + +This is a grievous evil, and should be remedied by Mr. MURRAY as soon as +possible. The majority of the paths are laid out in the following +manner. + +The scenery, however, would be very fine if the bugs were transparent. + +The multitudes of insectivorous carnivora, which arose to greet Mr. P., +effectually prevented him from seeing anything more than a yard distant. + +But if this had been all, Mr. P. would not have uttered a word of +complaint. It was not all, by any means. + +These hungry creatures, these black-flies; midges; mosquitoes; yellow +bloodsuckers; poison-bills; corkscrew-stingers; hook-tailed hornets; and +all the rest of them settled down upon him until they covered him like a +suit of clothes. A warmer welcome was never extended to a traveller in a +strange land. + +In case his readers should not be familiar with the animal, the +accompanying drawing will give an admirable idea of the celebrated +black-fly of the Adirondacks, which, with the grizzly bear and the +rattlesnake, occupies the front rank among American ferocious animals. + +After travelling on foot for a day and a night; drenched by rain; +scorched by the sun; crippled by rocks and roots; frightened by +rattle-snakes and panthers; blistered and swollen by poisonous insects; +nearly starved; tired to death; and presenting the most pitiable +appearance in the world, Mr. P. reached the encampment of Mr. MURRAY, +proprietor and exhibitor of the Adirondacks. + +Knowing that there was quite a large company in the camp, Mr. P. was +almost ashamed to show himself in such a doleful plight, but he soon +found that there was no need for any scruples on that account, as they +were all as wretched looking as himself. + +Mr. MURRAY welcomed him cordially, and after building a "smudge" around +him to keep off the flies, he gave Mr. P. some Boston brown-bread and a +glass of pure water from a rill. + +This, with a sip from Mr. P.'s little flask, revived him considerably, +and after a night's rest on the lee side of a tree, where the rain did +not wet him nearly so much as if he had been on the other side, Mr. P. +felt himself equal to the task of enjoying the Adirondacks. + +That morning, Mr. MURRAY conducted a melancholy party of disconsolate +pleasure-seekers to a neighboring stream, where he instructed them to +fish for trout.. He told them they must revel in the delights of the +scene, and should tremble with the wild rapture of drawing from the +rushing waters the bounding trout. + +Mr. P. tried very hard to do this. He put his prettiest fly and his +sharpest hook on his longest line, and, for hours, gently whipped the +ripples. At last a speckled representative of the American National +Game-fish took compassion on the patient fisherman and entered into a +contest of skill with him. (A friendly match, and no bets on either +side.) The game lasted some time. The fish made some splendid +"fly-catches;" and Mr. P., slipping on a wet stone at the edge of the +brook, got in once on his base. On this occasion, the line and a +black-berry bush arranged a decided "foul" between them. At last, just +at the most interesting point of the game, the sudden sting of a +steel-bee caused Mr. P. to give a quick bawl, when the fish took a +home-run and came back no more. Time of game, 3h., 50m. + + Mr. P. 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0--1. + Trout 6 9 8 7 9 9 9 9 9--75. + +That afternoon Mr. MURRAY took the party to Crystal Brook, Shanty Brook, +Mainspring Brook, Tenement Brook, and more little mountain gutters of +the kind than you could count on your fingers and toes. As an +aristocratic residence, this region is certainly superior to New York, +for the Murray Hills are as plenty as blackberries. The next day they +all went up Mount Marcy. When the ascent was completed, everybody lay +down and went to sleep. They were too tired to bother themselves about +the view. At length, after a good nap, Mr. MURRAY got up and wakened the +party, and they all came down. + +They came by the way of the "grand slide," but Mr. P. didn't like it. +His tailor, however, will no doubt think very highly of it. + +When all was quiet, that evening, on Dangle-worm Creek, near which +they were encamped, Mr. P. found the Reverend MURRAY sitting in the +smoke of his private smudge, enjoying his fragrant pipe. Seating himself +by the veteran pioneer, Mr. P. addressed him thus: + +"Tell me, Mr. MURRAY, in confidence, your opinion of the Adirondacks." + +"Sir," said Mr. MURRAY, "I have no objection to give a person of your +respectability and knowledge of the world my opinion of this region, but +I do not wish it made public." + +"Of course, sir!" said Mr. P. "A man of your station and antecedents +would not wish his private opinions to be made too public. You may rely +upon my discretion." + +"Well, then," said the reverend mountaineer, "I think the Adirondacks an +unmitigated humbug, and I wish I had never let the world know that there +was such a place." + +"Why then do you come here every season, sir?" + +"After all I have written and said about it," said Mr. MURRAY, "I have +to come to keep up appearances. Don't you see? But I hate these +mountains from the bottom of my heart. For every word I have written in +praise of the region I have a black-fly-bite on my legs. For every word +I have said in favor of it I have a scratch or a bruise in some other +part of my corpus. I wish that there was no such a season as +summer-time, or else no such a place as the Adirondacks." + +(Readers of this paper are requested to skip the above, as those are Mr. +MURRAY'S private opinions, and not the statements he makes in public, +and his desire to keep them dark should be respected.) + +It may be of interest to his patrons to know that Mr. P. arrived home +safely and with whole bones. + + * * * * * + +RAMBLINGS. + +BY MOSE SKINNER. + +MR. PUNCHINELLO: The editor of the Slunkville _Lyre_ says in his last +issue:-- + +"Notwithstanding the calumnies of Mr. SKINNER, our reputation is still +good, and we continue to pay our debts promptly." + +This is the fifth hoax he has perpetrated within two weeks. His line of +business at present seems to be the _canard_ line. + +I'll trust him out of sight if I can keep one eye on him. Not otherwise. + +For a light recreation, combining a little business, I recommend his +funeral. + +It is pleasant to reflect that men of his stamp are never born again. +They are born once too much as it is. + +He went to the Agricultural Fair last Fall. There was a big potato +there. After gazing spell-bound upon it for one hour, he rushed home and +set the following in type: + +"What is the difference between the Rev. ADAM CLARK, and the big potato +at the fair? One is a Commentator, and the other is an _Un_common +'tater." + +This conundrum was so exquisitely horrible, that his friends hoped he'd +have judgment enough to hang himself, but such things die hard. + +Colonel W-----'s Goat. Colonel W-----, is a great man in these parts +Like most village nabobs, he's a corpulent gentleman with a great show +of dignity, and in a white vest and gold-headed cane, looks eminently +respectable. He owns a hot-house, keeps a big dog that is very savage, +and his wife wears a silk dress at least three times a week,--either of +which will establish a man's reputation in a country town. + +Everything belonging to the Colonel is held in the utmost awe by the +villagers. The paper speaks of him as "our esteemed and talented +townsman, Col. W.," and alludes to his "beautiful and accomplished +wife," who, by the way, was formerly waiter in an oyster saloon, and won +the Colonel's affection by the artless manner in which she would shout: +"Two stews, plenty o' butter." + +Like others of his stamp, the Colonel amounts to something just where he +is, but take him anywhere else, he'd be a first-class, eighteen carat +fraud. + +Awhile ago, the Colonel bought a goat for his little boy to drive in +harness, and the animal often grazed at the foot of a cliff, near the +house. One day, a man wandering over this cliff fell and was instantly +killed, evidently having come in contact with the goat, for the animal's +neck was broken. + +But what amused me was the way the aforesaid editor spoke of the affair. +He wrote half a column on the "sad death of Col. W's. goat," but not a +word of the unfortunate dead man, till he wound up as follows: + +"We omitted to state that a dead man was picked up near the unfortunate +goat. It is supposed that this person, in wandering over the cliff, lost +his foothold and fell, striking the doomed animal in his progress. Thus, +through the carelessness of this obscure individual, was Col. W's. poor +little goat hurled into eternity." + +The Superintendent asked me last Sunday to take charge of a class. +"You'll find 'em rather a bad lot" said he. "They all went fishing last +Sunday but little JOHNNY RAND. _He_ is really a good boy, and I hope his +example may yet redeem the others. I wish you'd talk to 'em a little." + +I told him I would. + +They were rather a hard looking set. I don't think I ever witnessed a +more elegant assortment of black eyes in my life. Little JOHNNY RAND, +the good boy, was in his place, and I smiled on him approvingly. As soon +as the lessons were over, I said: + +"Boys, your Superintendent tells me you went fishing last Sunday. All +but little JOHNNY, here." + +"You didn't go, did you, JOHNNY?" I said. + +"No, sir." + +"That was right. Though this boy is the youngest among you," I +continued, "you will now learn from his lips words of good counsel, +which I hope you will profit by." + +I lifted him up on the seat beside me, and smoothed his auburn ringlets. + +"Now, JOHNNY, I want you to tell your teacher, and these wicked boys, +why you didn't go fishing with them last Sunday. Speak up loud, now. It +was because it was very wicked, and you had rather come to the Sunday +School. Wasn't it?" + +"No, sir, it was 'cos I couldn't find no worms for bait." + +Somehow or other these good boys always turn out humbugs. + + +It is hardly good taste to introduce anything of a pathetic nature in an +article intended to be humorous, but the following displays such +infinite depth of tenderness, fortified by strength of mind, that I +cannot forbear. Although it occurred when I was quite young, it is +firmly impressed on my memory: + +The autumn winds sighed drearily through the leafless trees, as the +solemn procession passed slowly into the quiet church-yard, and paused +before the open grave, where all that was mortal of LUCY C----- was to +be laid away forever, and when the white-haired old pastor, with +trembling voice, recounted her last moments, sobs broke out afresh, for +she was beloved by all. + +The bereaved husband stood a little apart, and, though no tear escaped +him, yet we all instinctively felt that his heart was wrung with agony, +and his burden greater than he could bear. With folded arms, and eyes +bent upon the coffin, he seemed buried in a deep and painful reverie. +None dared intrude upon a grief so sacred. At last, turning to his +brother, and pointing to the coffin, he said: + +"JOHN, don't you call that rather a neat looking box for four dollars?" + + * * * * * + +Financial. + +Our French editor thinks that the Imperial revenues ought to be doubled +at once, on the ground of the too evident Income-pittance of the +Emperor. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AN EXCURSION. + +_Fanny_. "ISN'T IT TOO BAD, FRANK; WE SHALL GET BACK TO TOWN LONG BEFORE +DARK." + +(_Fact is, Fanny has a thick shawl, and it would be so nice to share it +with Frank._)] + + * * * * * + +OUR PORTFOLIO. + +DEAR PUNCHINELLO: I see you have been at the White Sulphur Springs; but +you forgot to tell us what we were all dying to hear about the waters. +Several friends had suggested that I should go to some watering place +where I could get nothing else but water to drink, or to some spring +where I couldn't get "sprung." I tried the White Sulphur, and while +there learned some facts that may be useful to others who seek them for +a similar purpose. + +These springs differ from the European springs in that they were not +discovered by the Romans. The Latin conquerors never roamed so far, and +it was perhaps a good thing for them that they didn't, Sulphur water +could not have agreed with Romans any more than it agrees with Yankees +who take whiskey with it. I was asked if I would like to analyse the +water, (as everything here is done by analysis under the eye of the +resident physician.) _My_ analysis was done entirely under the nose. + +I raised a glass of the enchanted fluid to my lips: but my nose said +very positively, "Don't do it," and I didn't. I told my conductor I had +analyzed it, and he seemed not a little astonished at the rapidity and +simplicity of the method. He asked me if I would be kind enough to write +out a statement of the result after the manner of Dr. HAYES, Prof. +ROGERS, and others who have examined these waters and testified that +they would cure everything but hydrophobia. I told him I would, and +retiring to my room, wrote as follows: + +"Sulphur water contains mineral properties of a sulphuric character, +owing to the fact that the water runs over beds of sulphur. Nobody has +ever seen these beds, but they are supposed to constitute the cooler +portions of those dominions corresponding to the Christian location of +Purgatory. Sinners, preliminary to being plunged into the fiery furnace, +are laid out on these beds and wrapped in damp sheets by chambermaids +regularly attached to the establishment. This is meant to increase the +torture of their subsequent sufferings, and there can be no doubt that +it succeeds. Herein we have also an explanation of the reason of these +waters coming to the surface of the earth--it is to give patients and +other _miserables_ who drink them a foretaste of future horrors. Passing +from this branch of the subject to the analysis proper, I find that +fifty thousand grains of sulphur water divided, into one hundred parts, +contains, + + Bilge water, - - - - - - - - - - 95.75 + Sulphate of Bilgerius, - - - - - 1.855 + Chloride of Bilgeria, - - - - - - .285 + Carbonate de Bilgique, - - - - - - .750 + Silica Bilgica, - - - - - - - - - 1.955 + Hydro-sulp-Bil, - - - - - - - - - .28 + +Twenty thousand grains of the water would contain less of the above +element than fifty thousand grains, which ought to be mentioned as +another one of the remarkable peculiarities of this most remarkable +fluid." + +I sent the foregoing scientific deductions to the "Resident Physician," +and the bearer told me afterwards that the venerable Esculapian only +observed,--"Well, the writer of that must have been a most egregious +ass. There is no such thing as 'Sulphate of Bilgerius,' or 'Silica +Bilgica,' or anything like them", and then the old fellow chuckled to +himself over my supposed ignorance. I was willing he should. I'm +accustomed to being called an ass, and always like to be recognized by +my kindred. Chemically thine, + +SULPHURO. + + * * * * * + +COOL, IF NOT COMFORTABLE. + +Apropos of complications arising out of the late Navy Appropriation Law, +a daily paper states as follows: + +"The decision of the Attorney General now forces him to turn the balance +into the Treasury, and the sailors have to go unclothed." + +How this decision will affect recruiting for our navy yet remains to be +seen, though it is probable that but few civilized men can be found to +join a service in which nudity is obligatory. In such torrid weather as +we are having, JACK ashore with nothing on, except, perhaps, a Panama +hat, will be a novel and refreshing object--but how about the police? + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: LAW VERSUS LAWLESSNESS. THE VIRTUOUS ALLIES OF THE NEW +YORK "SUN" ENGAGED IN THEIR CONGENIAL OCCUPATION OF THROWING DIRT.] + + * * * * * + +HIRAM GREEN ON BASE BALL. + +A Match Game between Centenarians.--"Roomatix" vs. "Bloostockin's." + +The veterans of the war of 1812 of this place, organized a base ball +club. + +It was called the "Roomatix base ball club." + +A challinge was sent to the "Bloo stockin' base ball club," an old man's +club in an adjoinin' town. They met last week to play a match game. + +It required rather more macheenery than is usually allowed in this grate +nashunal game of chance. + +For instance: The pitchers haden't very good eye-site, and were just as +liable to pitch a ball to "2nd base," as to "Home base." + +To make a sure thing of it, a big long tin tube was made, on the +principle of the Noomatic tunnel under Broadway, New York. A large +thing, like a molasses funnel, was made, onto the end facin' the +pitcher. + +The old man ceased the ball and pitched it into the brod openin'. The +raceway was slantin' downwards, towords the "_Homebase._" The batter +stood at his post, with an ear trumpet at his ear, and a wash-bord in +his two hands holdin' onto the handles. + +When he heard the ball come rollin' down the tin, he would "muff" it +with his wash-bord. Then the excitement would begin. The "striker" would +start off and go feelin' about the "field" for the base, while the +"outs" got down onto their bands and knees and went huntin' for the +ball. + +Sometimes a "fielder," whose sense of feelin' wasen't very acute, got +hold of a cobble stun, then he would waddle, and grope his way about, to +find the base. But I tell you it was soothin' fun for the old men. + +After lookin' 20 minuts for a ball, then findin' the base before the +batter did, who just as like as not had strayed out into another lot, it +made the old fellers laff. + +Sometimes two players would run into each other and go tumblin' over +together. Then the "Umpire" would go and get them onto their pins agin, +and give 'em a fresh start. + +On each side of this interestin' match game, was two old men who went on +crutches. + +It was agreed, as these men coulden't run the bases, that a man be +blindfolded and wheel these aged cripples about the bases in a +wheel-barrer. + +The minnit these old chaps would "strike," they dropped their crutches, +and the umpire would dump them into the _vehicle,_ and away went mister +striker. + +A player was bein' wheeled this way once, and the "outs" was down onto +their marrow-bones tryin' to find the ball, when a splash! was heard. +The wheel-barrer man had run his cart into a goose pond, and made a +scatterin' among the geese. + +"Fowl!" cride the Umpire. + +The wheel-barrer man drew his lode ashore. + +"Out!" hollers the Umpire. + +And another victim went to the wash-bord. + +Bets were offered 2 to one, that "The Roomatixs" would _pass_ more +balls--on their hands and knees--than the "Bloostockin's." These bets +were freely taken--by obligin' stake-holders. + +A friend of the "Bloostockin's" jumped upon a pile of stuns and said: + +"15 to 10 'the Roomatix' have got more _blinds_ than the +'Bloostockin's.'" + +No takers--I guess he would have won his bet, for just at this juncture +a "Roomatix" was at the bat. + +The Umpire moved his head. + +The old man thought it was the ball, and he "muffed" the "Umpire's" head +with his wash-bord. + +The Umpire turned suddenly and wanted to know: "Who was firin' spit +balls at his back hair?" + +One "innins," the ball was rolled through, it struck the batter in the +rite eye. + +"Out on rite eye," cride the Umpire, and the batter was minus an eye. + +Next man to the bat. + +His eyes were gummy. He coulden't see the ball. + +He heard the ball rollin'. + +He raised his wash-board. + +His strength gave way. + +Down came the bat, and the handle of the wash-bord entered his eye. + +"Out! on the left eye," screams the Umpire. + +Old man No. 3 went to the wash-bord. + +The ball came tearin' along. + +It was a little too swift for the old man.--Rather too much "English" +into it. It "Kissed" and made a "scratch," strikin' the "Cushion" +between the old man's eyes. + +This gave him the "cue." Tryin' to make a "draw" with the wash bord, so +as to "Uker" the ball, and "checkmate" the other club, he was +"distansed," and his spectacles went flyin', smashin' the glass and +shuttin' off his eyesite. + +"Out! agin," bellers the Umpire. + +This was the first _Blind_ innin's for the "Roomatix." + +The "Bloostockin's" bein' told how this innin's stood, by addressin' +them through their ear-trumpets, made a faint effort to holler +"Whooray!" + +And, I am grieved to say it, one by-stander, who diden't understand the +grate nashunal game, wanted to know: + +"What in thunder them old dry bones was cryin' about" + +It was a crooel remark, altho' the old men, not bein' used to hollerin' +much, and not havin' any teeth, did make rather queer work tryin' to +holler. + +Ime sorry to say, the game wasen't finished. + +Refreshments were served at the end of this innin's, consistin' of +Slippery Elm tea and water gruel. + +The old men eat harty. + +This made them sleepy, and the consequence was, that the minnit they was +led out on the grass, "Sleep, barmy sleep," got the best of 'em, and +they laid down and slept like infants. + +Both nines were then loaded onto stone botes and drawn off of the field. + +The friends of both sides _drew_ their stake money, and the Umpire, +_drawin'_ a long breath, declared the match a _draw_ game. + +Basely Ewers, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., + +_Lait Gustise of the Peece._ + + * * * * * + +Bad Eggs. + + +The following suggestive item appears in an evening paper: + +"Illinois boasts of chickens hatched by the sun." + +Well, New York can beat Illinois at that game. The chickens hatched by +the _Sun_, here, are far too numerous for counting, and they are curses +of the kind that will assuredly "come home to roost." + + * * * * * + +Disagreeable, but True. + + +The restoration of the Bourbon dynasty is reckoned possible in France. + +In this country the Bourbon die-nasty has never been played out. It is a +malignant disease, sometimes known as _delirium tremens._ + + * * * * * + +Musical. + + +Mlle. Silly, the daily papers inform us, has been engaged for the Grand +Opera House in _opera bouffe_, and will make her _début_ about the +middle of September. The lady should not be confounded with any of our +New York "girls of the period" who bear, (or ought to bear,) her name. + + * * * * * + +Caution to Readers. + + +Seven steady business men of this city, four solid capitalists of +Boston, eighteen Frenchmen residents of the United States, but doing +business nowhere, and a German butcher in the Bowery, have just been +added to sundry lunatic asylums, their intellects having become +hopelessly deranged from reading the conflicting telegrams about the war +in Europe. + + * * * * * + +A Parallel. + + +In one of the reports of the Coroner's investigation of the Twenty-third +street murder, it was mentioned that "Several ladies and some young +children occupied chairs within the railing." + +When REAL was hanged, it was noticeable that a great number of women +appeared in the morbid crowd that surrounded the Tombs, many of them +with small children in their arms. + +Fifth Avenue and Five Points! Six of one and half-a-dozen of the other! +Blood _will_ tell! + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE HAZARD OF THE HORSE-CARS. + +THIS IS STUBBS, (_an incorrigible old bachelor_,) WHO TAKES AN OPEN CAB, +FOR GREENWOOD, AND IS COMPELLED TO DO THE WHOLE DISTANCE SO. + +Illustration: AND THIS IS THE WAY IN WHICH DOBBS, WHO WOULD HAVE BEEN +DELIGHTED WITH STUBB'S LUCK, IS MADE TO SUFFER MARTYRDOM ON _his_ +LITTLE EXCURSION] + + + * * * * * + +THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. + +CANTO V. + + "Let's go to bed," says Sleepy Head, + "Tarry awhile," says Slow; + "Put on the pot," says Greedy Gut, + "We'll sup before we go." + +These lines the observant student of nursery literature will perceive +are satirical. Was there ever a poet who was not satirical? How could he +be a genius and not be able to point out the folly he sees around him +and comment upon it. In this case, the poor poet,--who lived in a +roseate cloud-land of his own, not desiring such mundane things as sleep +and food, was undoubtedly troubled and plagued to death by having +brothers and sisters who were of the earth, earthy; and who never +neglected on opportunity to laugh at his poems; to squirt water on him +when in the heavenly mood, his eyes in frenzy rolling; to put spiders +down his back; to stick pins in his elbows when writing; or upset his +inkstand. + +Fine natures always have a deal to bear, in this world, from the coarse, +unfeeling natures that cannot appreciate their delicacy; and this one +had more than his share. + +Many a time has he been goaded to frenzy by the cruel sneers and jokes +of those who should have been proud of his talents; and rushed with +wild-eyed eagerness down to the gentle frog pond, intending there to +bury his sorrows beneath its glassy surface. He saw in imagination the +grief-stricken faces of those cruel ones as they gazed upon his cold +corpus, with his damp locks clinging to his noble brow, the green slimy +weeds clasped in his pale hands, and the mud oozing from his pockets and +the legs of his pants; and he gloried in the remorse and anguish they +would feel when they knew that the Poet of the family was gone forever. + +All this he pictured as he stood on the bank, and, while thinking, the +desire to plunge in grew smaller by degrees and beautifully less, till +at last it vanished entirely, and he concluded he had better go home, +finish his book first and drown himself afterwards, if necessary. It +would make much more stir in the world, and his name and works might +live forever. + +A happy thought strikes him as he slowly meanders homeward. He would +have revenge. He would punish these wretches by handing down--to +posterity their peculiarities. He would put it in verse and have it +printed in his book, and then they'd see that even the gentle worm could +turn and sting. + +Ah! blessed thought. He flies to his garret bedroom, seizes his +goose-quill and paper, and sits down. What shall he write about? He +nibbles the feather end of his pen, plunges the point into the ink, +looks at it intently to see if he has hooked up an idea, sees none, and +falls to nibbling again. Ah! now he has it. There is TOM, the +dunderhead, who is always sleepy and he will put that down about him. +Squaring his shoulders, he writes: + + "Let's go to bed," says Sleepy Head. + +Gleefully he rubs his hands. Won't that cut TOM. Ah! Ha! I guess TOM +won't say much more about staring at the moon. Now for DICK, the old +stupid. What shall he say about him? The end of the pen diminishes +slowly but surely, and then he writes: + + "Tarry awhile," says Slow. + +That will answer for DICK. Now let him give HARRY something scorching, +withering, and cutting--so that he'll never open his mouth again unless +it is to put something in it. Oh, that is it, he is always hungry--rub +him on that. He thinks intently. Determination shows in every line of +his face; the pen is almost gone only an inch remains, and then the Poet +masters his subject. He has got the last two lines. + + "Put on the pot," says Greedy Gut, + "We'll sup before we go." + +He throws down the stump of the pen and bounces up. His object in life +is accomplished; he is master of the situation, now, and holds the trump +card. See the quiet smile' and knowing look as he folds the paper up, +and thrusts it into his pocket. He is going down-stairs to read it to +the family. Now is the time for sweet revenge and for the overthrow of +those Philistines, his brothers. He descends slowly, like an avenging +angel, enters the room, and--gentle reader, imagine the rest. + + * * * * * + +Masculine or Feminine? + +It now seems that the new and terrible fagot-gun used in the French army +is to be spoken of in the feminine gender--_mitrailleuse_ instead of +_mitrailleur_, as hitherto spelt by correspondents. That a virago is +sometimes termed a "spit-fire" we all know, but that is hardly reason +enough to excuse the French for such a lapse of gallantry as calling a +thunderous and fatal implement of war by a soft feminine name. Let them +stick to _mitrailleur_. Yet we would not rashly throw the other word +away. _Mitrailleuse_ would be a capital acquisition to the English +language, and very handy for any man having a vixen of a wife, with no +nice pet name convenient with which to conciliate her. + + * * * * * + +A Ridiculous Rub-a-dub. + +A quiet gentleman who occupies lodgings immediately opposite one of the +city armories, writes to us asking whether the drum corps that practice +there two or three evenings in the week should not be supplied with +noiseless drums, as PUNCHINELLO has suggested regarding the street +organs. PUNCHINELLO thinks the suggestion a good one. He would like to +see the beating of drums after night-fall abolished altogether In fact, +it is the only kind of Dead Beat to which he would lend his countenance. + + * * * * * + +A Clear Case. + +Some wiseacre has been trying to demonstrate, through the public press, +that POE did not write "The Raven." + +The man must be a Raven lunatic. + + * * * * * + +THE BALLARD OF THE GOOD LITTLE BOY, AGED TEN, AND HIS BAD BROTHER. + +An obituary notice of a boy, 10 years old, in _The Wilmington +Commercial_, contains the following statement: "In his dying moments he +charged his brother WILLIAM not to dance, or sing any more songs. +Funeral services preached by the Rev WM. R. TUBB." + + This pious Boy lay on his bed, + A dying very fast; + 'Most every word this good Boy said, + They thought 'twould be his last. + + The Reverend Mr. TUBB was there, + A praying very slow; + It was a solemn, sad affair; + Twas plain the Boy must go. + + His brother WILLIAM:, he come o'er, + To which this good Boy cried, + "Oh, BILL, don't sing nor dance no more!" + And following which he died. + + Now WILLIAM, he had learnt a song + That pleased him very much: + He didn't know that it was wrong + To carol any such. + + He said he couldn't leave it go, + Not if he was to die; + And that same song, as all should know, + Was called by him, "Shoo Fly." + + He was informed by Mr. TUBBS + That he would fall down dead, + Or else get killed by stones or clubs, + With that thing in his head. + + But, such is life! Poor WILLIAM went + And sung his Shoo Fly o'er: + Not knowing that he would be sent + Where Shoo Flies are no more, + + He was a singing, one wet day, + And likewise dancing too, + When lightning took his sole away-- + Let this warn me and you! + + * * * * * + +HINTS FOR THE CENSUS. + +DEAR PUNCHINELLO: I have always been in favor of the Census, the system +is questionable, perhaps, though that depends on how you like it. I have +found that it answers very well where the parties are highly +intelligent-like myself, for example. + +I drew up the following proclamation to read to the U.S. official in my +district: + +_Q._ What is your name? _A_ SARSFIELD YOUNG. What is yours? + +_Q._ What is your age? _A._ A., being asked how old he was, replied: If +I live as long again, and half as long again, and two years and a +half,--how old shall I be? + +_Q._ Where is your residence? _A._ I live at home with the family, have +often thought that, amid pleasures and palaces, there is no place like +home, unless it be a boarding house with hot and cold water. + +_Q._ What is your occupation? _A._ Taxpayer. This takes my whole time + +_Q._ Where were you born? _A._ Having made no minute of it at the time, +it has passed out of my memory. + +_Q._ What kind of a house do you live in? _A._ A mortgaged house, +painted flesh color, a front exposure, brick windows and a brass +lightning rod. A good deal of back yard, (and back rent,) to it. + +_Q._ At what age did your grandfather die? _A._ If he died last night, +(I saw him yesterday at a horse race,) he was turning ninety-eight, +perhaps he got tipped over in the turn. + +_Q._ Do you hold any official position: if so, what? _A._ Inspector of +fish,--every Friday. + +_Q._ Are you insured? A. I am agent for half a dozen companies. So are +all my neighbors. My life is insured against fire for several thousands. + +_Q._ Are you troubled with chilblains? _A._ Quitely. I soak my feet in +oil of vitriol. + +_Q._ Were you in the war? _A._ I have the scar on my arm which I got in +the service. I was vaccinated severely, while clerk to a substitute +broker at Troy, N. Y. + +_Q._ Are you a graduate of any College. _A._ Yes, of one. I forget which +one. I only remember that I was one of the most remarkable men they ever +turned out. + +_Q._ Have you suffered from the potato rot? _A,_ Not myself. My uncle +had it bad. He found that whiskey and warm water was a very good thing. +I've made an independent discovery of the same fact, also. + +_Q._ Are you in favor of Free Trade or Protection? _A_. I can only say +that, if elected, gentlemen, I shall endeavor to do my whole duty. I am. + +_Q._ What do you think of deep plowing? _A._ In a scanty population, I +should say it has a bad effect. I can recommend it, however, in a sandy +soil, where school privileges are first-class. + +_Q._ Does anything else occur to you which it is important for the +Government to know? _A._ Yes: a hay fever occurs to me regularly once a +year. I have no policy to enforce against the will of the people: Still +I would call the attention of the medicine-loving public to my friend +Dr. EZRA CUTLER'S "Noon-day Bitters." For ringing in the ears, loss of +memory, bankruptcy, teething, and general debility, they are without a +rival. No family should live more than five minutes walk from a bottle. +They gild the morning of youth, cherish manhood, and comfort old age, +with the name blown on the bottle in plain letters. Beware of +impositions--at all respectable druggists. + +* * I believe in taking things easy, and I shall cheerfully assist the +Administration, when it calls at my door on Census business. + +SARSFIELD YOUNG. + + * * * * * + +Facilis Descensus + +The daily papers frequently have articles respecting the "Hell Gate +Obstructions." We do not, however, remember having seen that subject +handled in the _Sun._ Perhaps it is that DANA and DYER, conscious of +their deserts, do not anticipate any obstructions in that quarter. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: ARISTOCRACY IN THE KITCHEN. + +_Lady_, (responsively.) "THAT FASHIONABLY DRESSED WOMAN WHO HAS JUST +PASSED, DEAR? OH, THAT'S MY COOK, TAKING HER SUNDAY WITH THE GROCER'S +YOUNG MAN. SHE NEVER ACKNOWLEDGES ME ON SUCH OCCASIONS."] + + * * * * * + +WHAT SHALL WE CALL IT? + +Having made up my mind to become a novelist, I naturally studied the +productions of my predecessors, and found out, I assure you, in a very +brief period of time, the little tricks of the trade. As I do not wish +to have the business flooded with neophytes, I refrain from informing +your readers how every man can become his own novel writer. One very +curious thing, however, which I discovered, I will here relate. + +I was very much puzzled by the curious titles which novelists selected +for their books, and very much annoyed by my inability to discover where +they picked them up. I persevered, however, and discovered that they +found them in the daily papers. In fact, I shrewdly suspect that I have +discovered, in these veracious sheets, the very incidents which +suggested the names of a number of volumes. Let me place before you the +extracts, which I have culled from the papers. + +_"Put Yourself in his Place."_--READE. + +"Yesterday morning an unknown man was found hanging from the limbs of a +tree in JONES' Wood. He was quite dead when discovered." + +_"Red as a Rose is She."_ + +"Bridget Flynn was arrested for vagrancy. When brought before the Court +she was quite drunk. She had evidently been a hard drinker for years, as +her face was of a brilliant carmine color." + +_"Man and Wife."_ COLLINS. + +"Married.--At Salt Lake City, on the 1st day of August, 1870, BRIGHAM +YOUNG, Esq., to Miss LETITIA BLACK, Mrs. SUSAN BROWN and Miss JENNIE +SMITH." + +_"What will he do with it?"_ BULWER. + +"It is stated by the police authorities, that the description of Mr. +NATHAN'S watch has been spread so widely, that the robber will be unable +to dispose of it to any jeweler or pawnbroker." + +_"Our Mutual Friend"_--DICKENS. + +"England is supplying both France and Prussia with horses." + +_"John."_--Mrs. OLIPHANT. + +"Mr. SAMPSON has sent to California for another cargo of Chinese +shoemakers." + +_"Friends in Council."_--HELPS. + +"Mr. Drew and Mr. Fisk were closeted together for more than an hour +yesterday." + +_"A Tale of Two Cities."_--DICKENS. + +"The census will show that our city has a population of at least +500,000."--_Chicago paper._ + +"St Louis has undoubtedly a population of 400,000."--_St. Louis paper._ + +"Chicago, 300,000; St. Louis, 190,000."--_Census returns._ + +_"Stern Necessity."_--F.W. ROBINSON. + +"It is stated that a well-known yacht failed to win the prize in the +late race, because her rudder slipped out of her fastenings and was +lost." + + * * * * * + +ITEMS FROM OUR RURAL REPORTERS. + +A German farmer, living not one hundred miles from Cincinnati, is +raising trichinated pork for the supply of the French army. + +The artist who drew the Newfoundland dog (out of the water,) at Newport, +R.I., has received a medal from the Royal Humane Society of England, on +condition that he will not Meddle with dogs any more. + +Near Ashland, in Virginia, a spring has been discovered that runs +chicken soup. So great was the commotion in culinary arrangements, when +the discovery was made public, that "the dish ran after the spoon." + +The curious crustacean known as the "fiddler crab" is unusually numerous +in the marshes of Long Island, this summer. It differs from impecunious +persons inasmuch as it is a burrowing, not a borrowing, creature. It +differs from ordinary fiddlers by two letters, in that it bores the +earth, but not the ear. + +It is an established fact that persona who sleep on mattresses stuffed +with pigeon's feathers never die. Near Salem, Mass., there is now a +woman nearly two hundred years old, who has been bed-ridden and confined +to a pigeon-feather bed for one hundred and fifty years. One of her +descendants a shrewd man-has discovered that the pigeon feathers are +growing musty, and proposes to replace them with the plumage of geese. + +There is a wild man at large in the woods of Sullivan County, N.Y. He +was once a fast man of New York City, and is so fast, still, that nobody +can catch him. + +A gentleman residing in the vicinity of Glen Cove had a Newfoundland dog +that was very expert at catching lobsters. The faithful animal has been +missing for some time, but a clue to its fate was yesterday obtained by +its owner, who found the brass collar of the dog inside a large lobster +with which he was about to construct a salad. + +An English nobleman has taken up his residence in the centre of the +Dismal Swamp, Va. Blighted affections are supposed to be the cause of +his trouble, as he always wears at the top buttonhole of his coat a +_chignon_ made of red hair. + + * * * * * + +"That's what's the Matter." + +Among the lectures announced for the coming season is Mrs. CECILIA +BURLEIGH'S "Woman's right to be a Woman." We quite agree with Mrs. +BURLEIGH'S remark. Woman _is_ right to be a woman, but the matter just +now is that woman wants to be a man. + + * * * * * + +Couplet from a Shaker Song. + + + O! Mr. President, you'll have to keep on pegging + At this English Mission, which seems to go a-begging. + Hi! yi! yi! etc. + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Extraordinary Bargains. | + | | + | A. T. Stewart & Co. | + | | + | Respectfully call the attention of their Customers and | + | Strangers to their attractive Stock | + | | + | OF | + | | + | SUMMER AND FALL | + | | + | DRESS SILKS, | + | | + | At popular prices. | + | | + | Striped, Checked and Chine | + | | + | SILKS, | + | | + | In great variety, $1 to $2 per yard; | + | value $1.50 to $3 | + | | + | PLAIN FOULARD, | + | | + | $1.50, value $2 per yard. | + | 24 inch Black and White | + | Striped $1.75; value $2.50. | + | | + | STRIPED SATINS, | + | | + | $1.25; value $2. | + | | + | Plain and Striped Japanese, | + | | + | 75c. and $1 per yard. | + | | + | Rich White and Colored Dress Satins, | + | | + | Extra Quality. | + | | + | A CHOICE LINE OF | + | | + | PLAIN GRAINS, | + | | + | for Evening and Street, $2.50 to $3; | + | value $3 to $3.50 per yard. | + | | + | A FEW EXTRA RICH | + | | + | SATIN BROCADE SILKS, AMERICAN SILKS, | + | | + | Black and Colored, $2. | + | | + | JOB LOT OF MEDIUM AND RICH | + | | + | SILKS. | + | | + | GREAT BARGAINS. | + | | + | A COMPLETE STOCK | + | | + | BLACK SILKS, | + | | + | At popular prices. | + | | + | PLAIN AND STRIPED | + | | + | GAZE DE CHAMBREY, | + | | + | Alexandre Best Kid Gloves, &c., &c. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. Stewart & Co. | + | | + | Are offering several lots of | + | | + | HOUSEKEEPING GOODS | + | | + | MUCH BELOW | + | | + | COST OF IMPORTATION. | + | | + | 5-8 and 3-4 Single and Double DAMASK | + | NAPKINS, from $1 to $3.50 per doz. | + | | + | DAMASK TABLE CLOTHS, all sizes, from | + | $1.50 to $2.75 each. | + | | + | Brown and Bleached TABLE DAMASK, all | + | linen, from 40 to 75c. per yard. | + | | + | LINEN SHEETING, from 60 to 90c. per | + | yard. | + | | + | PILLOW LINENS, from 30 to 70c. per yard | + | | + | LINEN SHEETS, for Single and Double Beds, | + | at $2.5O and upward. | + | | + | Fringed HUCKABACK TOWELS, $1 | + | per doz. and upward. | + | | + | Bleached HUCKABACK TOWELS, 12 1-2 | + | per yard and upward. | + | | + | Excellent Kitchen Towelling. In 25 yard | + | pieces, $3.25 per piece. | + | | + | Several Hundred pieces Linen Nursery | + | Diapers, various widths, at $1 per piece | + | below Current prices. | + | | + | MARSEILLES | + | | + | QUILTS AND BLANKETS, | + | | + | AT LOW PRICES. | + | | + | Attention of House and Hotel Keepers is invited | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical | + | Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. 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Each 13 x 16-3/4. | + | Spring; Summer: Autumn; 12-7/8 x 16-1/8. | + | The Kid's Play Ground. 11 x 17-1/2--for $7.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $7.50 chromos | + | | + | Strawberries and Baskets. | + | Cherries and Baskets. | + | Currants. Each 13x18. | + | Horses in a Storm. 22-1/4 x 15-1/4. | + | Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9-1/8 x 4-1/2--for $8.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and Six American Landscapes. | + | (A set.) 4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00--for $9.00 | + | | + | A copy of paper for one year and either of the | + | following $10 chromos: | + | | + | Sunset in California. (Bierstadt) 18-1/8 x 12 | + | Easter Morning. 14 x 21. | + | Corregio's Magdalen. 12-1/2 x 16-3/8. | + | Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) | + | 15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), | + | for $10.00 | + | | + | Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank | + | Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be | + | sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not | + | otherwise ordered. | + | | + | Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, | + | twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in | + | advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of | + | money. | + | | + | CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be | + | given. For special terms address the Company. | + | | + | The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of | + | seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A | + | specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or | + | getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | P.O. Box 2783. | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +[Illustration: CROCODILE TEARS.] + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | "The Printing House of the United States." | + | | + | GEO. F. NESBITT & CO., | + | | + | General JOB PRINTERS, | + | | + | BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, | + | STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail, | + | LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers. | + | COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers, | + | CARD Manufacturers, | + | ENVELOPE Manufacturers, | + | FINE CUT and COLOR Printers. | + | | + | 163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., | + | 73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE ST., New York. | + | | + | ADVANTAGES. All on the same premises, and under | + | immediate supervision of the proprietors. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Tourists and Pleasure Travelers | + | | + | will be glad to learn that that the Erie Railway Company has | + | prepared. | + | | + | COMBINATION EXCURSION | + | | + | OR | + | | + | Round Trip Tickets, | + | | + | Valid during the entire season, and embracing | + | Ithaca--headwaters of Cayuga Lake--Niagara Falls, Lake | + | Ontario, the River St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake | + | Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, the White Mountains, and | + | all principal points of interest in Northern New York, the | + | Canadas, and New England. Also similar Tickets at reduced | + | rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit | + | the celebrated Iron Mountains and Copper Mines of that | + | region. By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., | + | Nos. 241, 529 and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 38 | + | Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue Harlem; 338 | + | Fulton St. Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and | + | foot of 23rd St, New York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long | + | Dock Depot, Jersey City, and the Agents at the principal | + | hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as | + | well as all the necessary information. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," | + | "Water-Lilies," "Chas. Dickens." | + | | + | PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the | + | world. | + | | + | PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of | + | stamp. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | With a large and varied experience in the management | + | and publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, | + | and with the still more positive advantage of an Ample | + | Capital to justify the undertaking, the | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. | + | | + | OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK, | + | | + | Presents to the public for approval, the new | + | | + | ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL | + | | + | WEEKLY PAPER, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO, | + | | + | The first number of which was issued under | + | date of April 2. | + | | + | ORIGINAL ARTICLES, | + | | + | Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive | + | ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the | + | day, are always acceptable and will be paid for liberally. | + | | + | Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless | + | postage stamps are inclosed. | + | | + | TERMS: | + | | + | One copy, per year, in advance $4.00 | + | | + | Single copies .10 | + | | + | A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the | + | receipt of ten cents. | + | | + | One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other | + | magazine or paper, price, $2.50, for $5.50 | + | | + | One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for $7.00 | + | | + | All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, | + | P.O. Box 2783, NEW YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. | + | | + | The New Burlesque Serial, Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO | + | BY ORPHEUS C. KERR, | + | | + | Commenced in No. 11, will be continued weekly throughout the | + | year. | + | | + | A sketch of the eminent author written by his bosom friend, | + | with superb illustrations of | + | | + | 1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, | + | TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY | + | | + | 2D. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE, taken | + | as he appears "Every Saturday," will also be found at the | + | same number. | + | | + | Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen, (or mailed from | + | this office, free,) Ten Cents. | + | | + | Subscription for One Year, one copy, with $2 Chromo | + | Premium, $4. | + | | + | Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this new | + | serial, which promises to be the best ever written by | + | ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular | + | receipt weekly. | + | | + | We will send the first Ten Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to any | + | one who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on the | + | receipt of SIXTY CENTS. | + | | + | Address, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, P.O. Box 2783. 83 Nassau | + | St., New York | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +Geo. W. Wheat & Co. Printers, No. 8 Spruce Street. + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 23, +September 3, 1870, by Various + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10017 *** |