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diff --git a/10014-h/10014-h.htm b/10014-h/10014-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..13297f7 --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/10014-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3031 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> + +<html> +<head> + <meta content= + "HTMLTrim (vers 1st October 2003), see http://htmltrim.sourceforge.net" + name="generator"> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content= + "text/html; charset=UTF-8"> + + <title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of PUNCHINELLO Vol. 1, No. + 18.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + * { font-family: Times;} + HR { width: 33%; } + // --> + </style> +</head> + +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10014 ***</div> + + <table width="800" border="1" align="center" cellpadding="3" + cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">CONANT'S</span></p> + + <p>PATENT BINDERS FOR</p> + + <p><big><big><b>"PUNCHINELLO",</b></big></big></p> + + <p>to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent + post-paid, on receipt of One Dollar,</p> + + <p> by</p> + + <p><b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,<br></b></p> + + <p><b>83 Nassau Street, New York City.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">J.M. SPRAGUE</p> + + <p>Is the Authorized Agent of</p> + + <p><big><big><b>"PUNCHINELLO"</b></big></big></p> + + <p>For the</p> + + <p><b>New England States,</b></p> + + <p>To Procure Subscriptions,<br> + and to Employ Canvassers.</p> + </center> + </td> + + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">HARRISON BRADFORD & + CO.'S</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>STEEL + PENS.</big></big></big></p> + + <p>These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and + cheaper than any other Pen in the market. Special + attention is called to the following grades, as being + better suited for business purposes than any Pen + manufactured. The</p> + + <p><b>"505," "22,"</b> and the + <b>"Anti-Corrosive."</b></p> + + <p>We recommend for bank and office use.</p> + + <p><b>D. APPLETON & CO.,</b> <b><br> + Sole Agents for United States.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table width="800" border="0" align="center" cellpadding="3" + cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <center> + <br> + <br> + <img src="images/01.jpg" alt=""><br> + + <h1>PUNCHINELLO</h1> + + <h2>Vol. I. No. 18.</h2> + + <p>SATURDAY, JULY 30, 1870.</p><br> + + <h3>PUBLISHED BY THE</h3><br> + + <h3>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</h3><br> + <br> + + <h4>83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.</h4> + </center><br> + <br> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p>See 15th page for Extra Premiums.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table><br> + + <table style= + "width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" + border="1" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p>APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN</p> + + <p> + <big><big><big><b>"PUNCHINELLO"</b></big></big></big></p> + + <p>SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">J. NICKINSON,</p> + + <p>Room No. 4,</p> + + <p>83 NASSAU STREET.</p> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <p><big><b>TO NEWS-DEALER</b>.</big></p> + + <p><b>Punchinello's Monthly</b>.</p> + + <p>The Weekly Numbers for June,</p> + + <p><b>Bound in a Handsome Cover</b>,</p> + + <p>Is now ready. Price Fifty Cents.</p> + + <p>THE TRADE</p> + + <p>Supplied by the</p> + + <p>AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY,</p> + + <p>Who are now prepared to receive Orders.</p> + </td> + + <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;"> + <p><b>FORST & AVERELL</b></p> + + <p><b>Steam, Lithograph, and Letter Pres</b></p> + + <p><b>PRINTERS</b>,</p> + + <p><b>EMBOSSERS, ENGRAVERS, AND LABEL + MANUFACTURERS</b>.</p><br> + + <p>Sketches and Estimates furnished upon + application.</p><br> + <b>23 Platt Street, and<br> + 20-22 Gold Street</b>,<br> + [P.O. Box 2845.]<br> + NEW YORK.<br> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td rowspan="2" align="center"> + <p>A NEW AND MUCH-NEEDED BOOK.</p> + + <p><big><big><big><b>MATERNITY</b>.</big></big></big></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">A POPULAR TREATISE</p> + + <p>For Young Wives and Mothers.</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BY T.S. VERDI, A.M., + M.D.,<br> + OF WASHINGTON, D.C.</p><br> + + <p><small>DR. VERDI is a well-known and successful + Homoeopathic Practitioner, of thorough scientific + training and large experience. His book has arisen from a + want felt in his own practice, as a Monitor to Young + Wives, a Guide to Young Mothers, and an assistant to the + family physician. It deals skilfully, sensibly, and + delicately with the perplexities of early married life, + as connected with the holy duties of Maternity, giving + information which women must have, either in conversation + with physicians, or from such a source as + this—evidently the preferable mode of learning, + for a delicate and sensitive woman. Plain and + intelligible, but without offense to the most fastidious + taste, the style of this book must commend it to careful + perusal. It treats of the needs, dangers, and + alleviations of the time of travail; and gives extended + detailed instructions for the care and medical treatment + of infants and children throughout all the perils of + early life.</small></p> + + <p><small>As a Mother's Manual, it will have a large + sale, and as a book of special and reliable information + on very important topics, it will be heartily + welcomed.</small></p> + + <p><small>Handsomely printed on laid paper: bevelled + boards, extra English cloth, 12mo., 450 pages. Price + $2.25</small>.</p> + + <p><i>For sale by all Booksellers, or will be sent + post-paid on receipt of the price by</i></p> + + <p><b>J.B. FORD & CO., Publishers,<br> + 39 Park Row, New York.</b></p> + </td> + + <td rowspan="2" align="center"> + <p>J. NICKINSON</p> + + <p>Begs to announce to the friends of</p> + + <p><b>"PUNCHINELLO,"</b></p> + + <p>residing in the country, that, for their convenience, + he has made arrangements by which, on receipt of the + price of</p> + + <p><b>ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED</b>,</p> + + <p>the same will be forwarded, postage paid.</p> + + <p>Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our Publishing + Houses, can have the same forwarded by inclosing two + Stamps.</p> + + <p>OFFICE OF</p> + + <p><b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO</b>.,</p> + + <p><b>83 Nassau Street</b>.</p> + + <p>P.O. Box 2783.</p> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <p><b>DIBBLEEANIA</b></p> + + <p>AND</p> + + <p>Japonica Juice,</p> + + <p><b>FOR THE HAIR</b>.</p> + + <p>The most effective Soothing and Stimulating Compounds + ever offered to the public for the</p> + + <p><b>Removal of Scurf, Dandruff, &c</b>.</p> + + <p>For consultation, apply at</p> + + <p>WILLIAM DIBBLEE'S,</p> + + <p>Ladies' Hair Dresser and Wig Maker.</p> + + <p><b>854 BROADWAY, N.Y. City</b>.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p>FOLEY'S</p> + + <p><b>GOLD PENS</b>.</p> + + <p>THE BEST AND CHEAPEST.</p> + + <p>256 BROADWAY.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td rowspan="4" style="text-align: center; width: 40%;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big><big>What it + is Not!</big></big></big></big></p><br> + The College Courant is NOT<br> + The College Courant is NOT<br> + The College Courant is NOT<br> + The College Courant is NOT<br> + The College Courant is NOT<br> + The College Courant is NOT<br> + The College Courant is NOT<br> + The College Courant is NOT<br> + <br> + + <table> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td><small>Merely a small student's sheet,<br> + Merely of interest to college men,<br> + Merely a COLLEGE paper,<br> + Merely a local paper,<br> + Merely scientific and educational,<br> + An experiment,<br> + Conducted by students,<br> + Stale and dry,</small><br></td> + + <td><small>But is the largest in N.E.<br> + But to every one,<br> + But is a scientific paper,<br> + But is cosmopolitan,<br> + But is literary,<br> + But an established weekly<br> + But by graduates,<br> + But fresh and interesting</small><br></td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table><br> + It circulates in every College.<br> + It circulates in every Professional School.<br> + It circulates in every Preparatory School.<br> + It circulates in every State in the United States.<br> + It circulates in every civilized country.<br> + It circulates among all College men.<br> + It circulates among all Scientific men.<br> + It circulates among the educated everywhere.<br> + <br> + <br> + July 1st a new volume commences.<br> + July 1st 10,000 new subscribers wanted.<br> + July 1st excellent illustrations will appear.<br> + July 1st 10,000 specimen copies to be issued.<br> + July 1st is a good time to subscribe.<br> + July 1st or any time send stamp for a copy.<br> + + <p><b>TERMS</b>:</p>One year, in advance, - - - - - - - - + - - - - - $4.00<br> + Single copies (for sale by all newsdealers), - - .10<br> + <br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Address</span><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>THE COLLEGE + COURANT,</big></big><br> + <br></span> <big><b>New Haven, Conn</b>.</big><br> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <p><b>NEWS DEALERS</b>.<br> + <small>ON</small><br> + <b>RAILROADS,<br> + STEAMBOATS</b>,<br> + And at <b><br> + WATERING PLACES</b>,</p> + + <p>Will find the Monthly Numbers of</p> + + <p>"<b>PUNCHINELLO</b>"</p> + + <p><small>For April, May, June, and July, an attractive + and Saleable Work.</small></p> + + <p><small>Single Copies<br> + Price 50 cts.</small></p> + + <p><small>For trade price address American News Co., + or</small></p> + + <p><b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING & CO.,</b></p> + + <p><b>83 Nassau Street</b>.</p> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <p><big><big><b><big><big>$2</big></big><br> + to ALBANY and TROY</b>.</big></big></p> + + <p><b>The Day Line Steamboats C. Vibbard and Daniel + Drew</b>, commencing May 31, will leave vestry st. Pier + at 8.45, and Thirty-fourth st. at 9 a.m., landing at + <b>Yonkers, (Nyack, and Tarrytown</b> by ferry-boat), + <b>Cozzens, West Point, Cornwall, Newburgh, Poughkeepsie, + Rhinebeck, Bristol, Catskill, Hudson, and + New-Baltimore.</b> A special train of broad-gauge cars in + connection with the day boats will leave on arrival at + Albany (commencing June 20) for <b>Sharon Springs</b>. + Fare <b>$4.25</b> from New York and for Cherry Valley. + The Steamboat <b>Seneca</b> will transfer passengers from + Albany to Troy.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><b>WEVILL & HAMMAR</b>,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Wood + Engravers,</big></p> + + <p><b>208 Broadway</b>,</p> + + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <p>ESTABLISHED 1866. JAS R. NICHOLS, M.D. WM. J. ROLFE. + A.M.<br> + Editors</p> + + <p>Boston Journal of Chemistry.</p> + + <p>Devoted to the Science of <b>HOME LIFE</b>, <b>The + Arts, Agriculture, and Medicine</b>. $1.00 Per Year. + <i>Journal and Punchinello (without Premium).</i> + $4.00</p> + + <p>SEND FOR SPECIMEN-COPY Address—JOURNAL OF + CHEMISTRY, <b>150 CONGRESS STREET, BOSTON</b>.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td rowspan="2" align="center"> + <p>Bowling Green Savings-Bank</p> + + <p>33 BROADWAY,</p> + + <p><b>NEW YORK</b>.</p> + + <p>Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M.</p> + + <p><i>Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents to Ten Thousand + Dollars will be received</i>.</p> + + <p><b>Six per Cent interest, Free of Government + Tax</b></p> + + <p>Commences on the First of every Month.</p> + + <p>HENRY SMITH, <i>President</i></p> + + <p>REEVES E. SELMES, <i>Secretary</i>.</p> + + <p>WALTER ROCHE, EDWARD HOGAN, + <i>Vice-Presidents</i>.</p> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <p><b>HENRY L. STEPHENS</b>,</p> + + <p><b>ARTIST</b>,</p> + + <p><b>No. 160 FULTON STREET</b>,</p> + + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><b>GEO. B. BOWLEND</b>,</p> + + <p>Draughtsman & Designer</p> + + <p><b>No. 160 Fulton Street</b>,</p> + + <p>Room No. 11,</p> + + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table width="800" align="center"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="text-align: center;"><small>Entered, according + to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the PUNCHINELLO + PUBLISHING COMPANY,<br> + in the Clerk's Office of the District court of the United + States, for the Southern District of New + York.</small></p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">THE</span> <b>MYSTERY OF + MR. E. DROOD.</b><br> + + <p><b>AN ADAPTATION,</b></p> + + <p>BY ORPHEUS C. KERR.</p> + + <p>CHAPTER XII.</p> + + <p>A NIGHT OF IT WITH MCLAUGHLIN.</p> + + <p>Judge SWEENEY, with a certain supercilious + consciousness that he is figuring in a novel, and that it + will not do for him to thwart the eccentricities of + mysterious fiction by any commonplace deference to the + mere meteorological weaknesses of ordinary human nature, + does not allow the fact that late December is a rather + bleak and cold time of year to deter him from taking + daily airings in the neighborhood of the Ritualistic + churchyard. Since the inscription of his epitaph on his + late wife upon her monument therein, the churchyard is to + him a kind of ponderous work of imagination with marble + leaves, to which he has contributed the most brilliant + chapter; and when he sees any stranger hovering about a + part of the outer railings from whence the inscription + may be read, it is with all the swelling pride of an + author who, having procured the publication of some + dreary article in a magazine, is thrown into an ecstacy + of vanity if he sees but one person glance at that number + of the periodical on a news-stand.</p> + + <p>Since his first meeting with Mr. BUMSTEAD, on the + evening of the epitaph-reading, Judge SWEENEY has + cultivated that gentleman's acquaintance, and been + received at his lodgings several times with considerable + cordiality and lemon-tea. On such occasions, Mr. + BUMSTEAD, in his musical capacity, has sung so closely in + Judge SWEENEY'S ear as to tickle him, a wild and slightly + incoherent Ritualistic stave, to the effect that Saint + PETER'S of Rome, with pontifical dome, would by ballot + Infallible be; but for making Call sure, and Election + secure, Saint Repeater's of Rum beats the See. With + finger in ear to allay the tickling sensation, JUDGE + SWEENEY declares that this young man smelling of cloves + is a person of great intellectual attainments, and + understands the political genius of his country well + enough to make an excellent Judge of Election.</p> + + <p>Walking slowly near the churchyard on this particular + freezing December evening, with his hands behind his + bank, and his eyes intent for any envious husband who may + be "with a rush retiring," monumentally counselled, after + reading the Epitaph, Judge SWEENEY suddenly comes upon + Father DEAN conversing with SMYTHE, the sexton, and Mr. + BUMSTEAD. Bowing to these three, who, like himself, seem + to find real luxury in open-air strolling on a bitter + night in midwinter, he notices that his model, the Ritual + Rector, is wearing a new hat, like Cardinal's, only + black, and is immediately lost in wondering where he can + obtain one like it short of Rome.</p> + + <p>"You look so much like an author, Mr. BUMSTEAD, in + having no overcoat, wearing your paper collar upside + down, and carrying a pen behind your ear," Father DEAN is + saying, "that I can almost fancy you are about to write a + book about us. Well, Bumsteadville is just the place to + furnish a nice, dry, inoffensive domestic novel in the + sedative vein."</p> + + <p>After two or three ineffectual efforts to seize the + end of it, which he seems to think is an inch or two + higher than its actual position, Mr. BUMSTEAD finally + withdraws from between his right ear and head a long and + neatly cut hollow straw.</p> + + <p>"This is not a pen, Holy Father," he answers, after a + momentary glance of majestic severity at Mr. SMYTHE, who + has laughed. "It is only a simple instrument which I use, + as a species of syphon, in certain chemical experiments + with sliced tropical fruit and glass-ware. In the + precipitation of lemon-slices into cut crystal, it is + necessary for the liquid medium to be exhausted + gradually; and, after using this cylinder of straw for + the purpose about an hour ago, I must have placed it + behind my ear in a moment of absent-mindedness."</p> + + <p>"Ah, I see," said Father DEAN, although he didn't. + "But what is this, Judge SWEENEY, respecting your + introduction of MCLAUGHLIN to Mr. BUMSTEAD, which I have + heard about?"</p> + + <p>"Why, your Reverence, I consider JOHN MCLAUGHLIN a + Character," responds the Judge, "and thought our young + friend of the organ-loft might like to study him."</p> + + <p>"The truth is," explains Mr. BUMSTEAD, "that Judge + SWEENEY put into my head to do a few pauper graves with + JOHN MCLAUGHLIN, some moonlight night, for the mere + oddity and dampness of the thing.—And I should + regret to believe," added Mr. BUMSTEAD, raising his voice + as saw that the judiciary was about to + interrupt—"And I should really be loathe to + believe that Judge SWEENEY was not perfectly sober when + he did so."</p> + + <p>"Oh, yes—certainly—I + remember—to be sure," exclaims the Judge, in + great haste; alarmed into speedy assent by the + construction which he perceives would be put upon a + denial. "I remember it very distinctly. I remember + putting it into your head—by the tumblerful, if + I remember rightly."</p> + + <p>"Profiting by your advice," continues Mr. BUMSTEAD, + oblivious to the last sentence, I am going out to-night, + in search of the moist and picturesque, with JOHN + MCLAUGHLIN—"</p> + + <p>"Who is here," says Father DEAN.</p> + + <p>OLD MORTARITY, dinner-kettle in hand and more mortary + than ever, indeed seen approaching them with shuffling + gait. Bowing to the Holy Father, he is about to pass on, + when Judge SWEENEY stops him with—</p> + + <p>"You must be very careful with your friend, BUMSTEAD, + this evening, JOHN MCLAUGHLIN, and see that he don't fall + and break his neck."</p> + + <p>"Never you worry about Mr. BUMSTEAD, Judge," growls + OLD MORTARITY. "He can walk further off the perpendicklar + without tumbling than any gentleman I ever see."</p> + + <p>"Of course I can, JOHN MCLAUGHLIN," says Mr. BUMSTEAD, + checking another unseemly laugh of Mr. SMYTHE'S with a + dreadful frown. "I often practice walking sideways, for + the purpose of developing the muscles on that side. The + left side is always the weaker, and the hip a trifle + lower, if one does not counteract the difference by + walking sideways occasionally."</p> + + <p>A great deal of unnecessary coughing, which follows + this physiological exposition, causes Mr. BUMSTEAD to + breathe hard at them all for a moment, and tread with + great malignity upon Mr. SMYTHE'S nearest corn.</p> + + <p>While yet the sexton is groaning, OLD MORTARITY + whispers to the Ritualistic organist that he will be + ready for him at the appointed hour to-night, and + shuffles away. After which Mr. BUMSTEAD, with the I + hollow straw sticking out fiercely from his ear, + privately offers to see Father DEAN home if he feels at + all dizzy; and, being courteously refused, retires down + the turnpike toward his own lodgings with military + precision of step.</p> + + <p>When night falls upon the earth like a drop of ink + upon the word Sun, and the stars glitter like the points + of so many poised gold pens all ready to write the softer + word Moon above the blot, the organist of St. Cow's sits + in his own room, where his fire keeps-up a kind of + aspenish twilight, and executes upon his accordeon a + series of wild and mutilated airs. The moistened towel + which he often wears when at home is turbaned upon his + head, causing him to present a somewhat Turkish + appearance; and as, when turning a particularly + complicated corner in an air, it is his artistic habit to + hold his tongue between his teeth, twist his head in + sympathy with the elaborate fingering, and involuntarily + lift one foot higher and higher from the floor as some + skittish note frantically dodges to evade him, his + general musical aspect at his own hearth is that of a + partially Oriental gentleman, agonizingly laboring to + cast from him some furious animal full of strange sounds. + Thus engaging in desperate single combat with what, for + making a ferocious fight before any recognizable tune can + he rescued from it, is, perhaps, the most exhausting + instrument known to evening amateurs and maddened + neighborhoods, Mr. BUMSTEAD passes three athletic hours. + At the end of that time, after repeatedly tripping-up its + exasperated organist over wrong keys in the last bar, the + accordeon finally relinquishes the concluding note with a + dismal whine of despair, and retires in complete collapse + to its customary place of waiting. Then the conquering + performer changes his towel for a hat which would look + better if it had not been so often worn in bed, places an + antique black bottle in one pocket of his coat and a few + cloves in the other; hangs an unlighted lantern before + him by a cord passing about his neck, and, with his + umbrella under his arm, goes softly down stairs and out + of the house.</p> + + <p>Repairing to the marble-yard and home of OLD + MORTARITY, which are on the outskirts of Bumsteadville, + he wanders through mortar-heaps, monuments brought for + repair, and piles of bricks, toward a whitewashed + residence of small demensions with a light at the + window.</p> + + <p>"JOHN McLAUGHLIN, ahoy!"</p> + + <p>In response, the master of the mansion promptly opens + the door, and it is then perceptible that his basement, + parlor, spare-bedroom and attic are all on one floor, and + that a couple of pigs are spending the season with him. + Showing his visitor into this ingeniously condensed + establishment, he induces the pigs to retire to a corner, + and then dons his hat.</p> + + <p>"Are you ready, JOHN MCLAUGHLIN?"</p> + + <p>"Please the pigs, I am, Mr. BUMSTEAD," answers + MCLAUGHLIN, taking down from a hook a lantern, which, + like his companion's, he hangs from his neck by a cord. + "My spirits is equal to any number of ghosts to-night, + sir, if we meet 'em."</p> + + <p>"Spirits!" ejaculates the Ritualistic organist, + shifting his umbrella for a moment while he hurriedly + draws the antique bottle from his pocket. "You're nervous + to-night, J. MCLAUGHLIN, and need a little of the + venerable JAMES AKER'S West Indian + Restorative.—I'll try it first to make sure + that I haven't mistaken the phial."</p> + + <p>He rests the elongated orifice of the diaphanous flask + upon his lips for a brief interval of critical + inspection, and then applies it thoughtfully to the mouth + of OLD MORTARITY.</p> + + <p>"Some more! Some more!" pleads the aged MCLAUGHLIN, + when the Jamaican nervine is abruptly jerked from his + lips.</p> + + <p>"Silence! Com on," is the stern response of the other, + who, as he moves from the house, and restores the crystal + antiquity to its proper pocket, eats a few cloves by + stealth. His manner plainly shows that he is offended at + the quantity the old man has managed to swallow + already.</p> + + <p>Strange indeed is the ghastly expedition to the place + of skulls, upon which these two go thus by night. Not + strange, perhaps, for Mr. MCLAUGHLIN, whose very youth in + New York, where he was an active politician, found him a + frequent nightly familiar of the Tombs; but strange for + the organist, who, although often grave in his manner, + sepulchral in his tones, and occasionally addicted to + coughin', must be curiously eccentric to wish to pass + into concert that evening with the dead heads.</p> + + <p>Transfixed by his umbrella, which makes him look like + a walking cross between a pair of boots and a hat, Mr. + BUMSTEAD leads the way athwart the turnpike and several + fields, until they have arrived at a low wall skirting + the foot of Gospeler's Gulch. Here they catch sight of + the Reverend OCTAVIUS SIMPSON and MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON + walking together, near the former's house, in the + moonlight, and, instantaneously, Mr. BUMSTEAD opens his + umbrella over the head of OLD MORTARITY, and drags him + down beside himself under it behind the wall.</p> + + <p>"Hallo! What's all this?" gasps Mr. MCLAUGHLIN, + struggling affrightedly in his suffocating cage of + whalebone and alpaca. "What's this here old lady's + hoop-skirt doing on me?"</p> + + <p>"Peace, wriggling dotard!" hisses BUMSTEAD, jamming + the umbrella tighter over him. "If they see us they'll + want some of the West Indian Restorative."</p> + + <p>Mr. SIMPSON and MONTGOMERY have already heard a sound; + for they pause abruptly in their conversation, and the + latter asks: "Could it have been a ghost?"</p> + + <p>"Ask it if it's a ghost," whispers the Gospeler, + involuntarily crossing himself.</p> + + <p>"Are you there, Mr. G.?" quavers the raised voice of + the young Southerner, respectfully addressing the inquiry + to the stone wall.</p> + + <p>No answer.</p> + + <p>"Well," mutters the Gospeler, "it couldn't have been a + ghost, after all; but I certainly thought I saw an + umbrella. To conclude what I was saying, + then,—I have the confidence in you, Mr. + MONTGOMERY, to believe that you will attend the dinner of + Reconciliation on Christmas eve, as you have + promised."</p> + + <p>"Depend on me, sir."</p> + + <p>"I shall; and have become surety for your punctuality + to that excellent and unselfish healer of youthful + wounds, Mr. BUMSTEAD."</p> + + <p>More is said after this; but the speakers have + strolled to the other side of the Gospeler's house, and + their words cannot be distinguished Mr. BUMSTEAD closes + his umbrella with such suddenness and violence as to + nearly pull off the head of MCLAUGHLIN; drives his own + hat further upon his nose with a sounding blow; takes + several wild swallows from his antique flask; eats two + cloves, and chuckles hoarsely to himself for some + minutes. "Here, 'JOHN MCLAUGHLIN," he says, at last "try + a little more West Indian Restorative, and then we'll go + and do a few skeletons."</p> + + <p>(<i>To be Continued</i>.)</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>What is Likely to be Raised some day, regarding the + Pneumatic Tunnel</b>.</p> + + <p>TUBAL. CAIN.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/04.jpg" alt= + "PUNCHINELLO CORRESPONDENCE."> + </center><br> + + <p><b>ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS</b>.</p> + + <p>In order to make this department of PUNCHINELLO as + complete as possible, we have secured the services of the + most competent authorities in literature, art, the + sciences in general, history, biography, and the vast + vague unknown. The answers furnished by us to our + correspondents may therefore be relied upon as being + strictly accurate.</p><span style= + "margin-left: 2em;"><i>Scales</i>.—How old was + DANIEL LAMBERT at the time of his death?</span><br> + + <p><i>Answer</i>.—736 lbs.</p><span style= + "margin-left: 2em;"><i>Ignoramus</i>.—Why were + the Roman <i>Saturnalia</i> so called?</span><br> + + <p><i>Answer</i>.—The proper spelling of the + word is <i>Sauternalia</i>. They were wine feasts; and + the vintage most in favor at them was Haut + Sauterne.</p><span style= + "margin-left: 2em;"><i>Chasseur</i>. Is the antelope to + be classed among the goat family?</span><br> + + <p><i>Answer</i>.—No. MOORE calls it a "deer + gazelle."</p><span style= + "margin-left: 2em;"><i>Armiger</i>.—Is "arm's + length" a recognized measure?</span><br> + + <p><i>Answer</i>.—Yes. It is a <i>Standard</i> + measure, as may be seen in the way that journal is + getting ahead of the <i>Sun</i>, which it keeps at arm's + length.</p><span style= + "margin-left: 2em;"><i>Molar</i>.—Yes; burnt + Cork is an excellent dentifrice. It should not</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">be applied to the teeth + of children, however, as it is apt to impart + an</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Irish accent, or, in + extreme cases, even a negro dialect.<br> + <br></span> <span style= + "margin-left: 2em;"><i>Bookworm</i>.—Do two + negatives always constitute an affirmative?</span><br> + + <p><i>Answer</i>.—That depends upon the price + charged by the photographer.</p><span style= + "margin-left: 2em;"><i>Sunswick</i>—Is it true + that JAMES FISK, Jr., has purchased Baden and</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">another German + Duchy?</span><br> + + <p><i>Answer</i>.—No: but he could have both if + he wanted two.</p><span style= + "margin-left: 2em;"><i>Rockland</i>.—Who are + the suffering persons represented in DORE'S</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">remarkable picture of + DANTE and VIRGIL visiting the frozen ward of + the</span><br> + <span style= + "margin-left: 2em;"><i>Inferno</i>?</span><br> + + <p><i>Answer</i>.—The Knickerbocker Ice + Company.</p><span style= + "margin-left: 2em;"><i>Solitaire</i>.—On what + day did the Fourth of July fall in the year + 1788?</span><br> + + <p><i>Answer</i>.—On the + Fourth.</p><span style="margin-left: 2em;"><i>James + Lobbs</i>.—How long ago is it since desiccated + soup first came</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">into use?</span><br> + + <p><i>Answer</i>.—At least as long ago as the + days of CROMWELL, whose advice to his troops was "Put + your trust in Providence, and keep your chowder + dry."</p><span style= + "margin-left: 2em;"><i>Bach</i>.—Is the + practice of divorce a mark of civilization?</span><br> + + <p><i>Answer</i>—It is. In the Gorilla family, + (the nearest approach to the human,) divorce is not + practiced, but it is in Indiana, which is usually + considered to be a State of Civilization.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>PAT TO THE QUESTION</b>.</p> + + <p>Our law-makers in Congress—or rather + law-cobblers, for few of them have risen to the dignity + of makers—are asked to repeal the <i>per + cap</i>. duty imposed by California on all Chinamen + imported there.</p> + + <p>The Californians have the authority of Congress + itself, for this duty. By reference to "HEYL'S Rates of + Duties on Imports," page 36, art. 691, under head of "Act + of June 30, 1864, chap. 171," "An act to increase Duties + on Imports," etc., we find "on paddy one cent and a half + per pound." Now if a good-sized Irishman pays $2.25, why + shouldn't a "Celestial" pay as much in proportion to the + weight of his <i>corpus</i>?</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Contradictory</span><br> + + <p>It appears that, by a joint resolution of Congress, + the use of "that first-class humbug and fraud, the + whiskey meter," has been abolished. Now there are dozens + of members of Congress who are not only "first-class + humbugs and frauds," but whiskey meters, to whom whiskey + is both meat and drink, and yet who ever heard of their + proposing to abolish themselves?</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/05.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">STAY-AT-HOME + PEOPLE</span></p> + + <p>FOLKS MAY NOT BE ABLE TO GO TO NEWPORT OR LONG + BRANCH, BUT THEY CAN ALWAYS CREATE A LOCAL SENSATION BY + TAKING A FOOT-BATH IN THE BACK-YARD.</p> + </center><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>MURPHY THE CONQUEROR</b></p> + + <p>BY CORPORAL QUINN.</p><span style= + "margin-left: 0.5em;">Come tip us your fist, then, yer + sowl you;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Since iver I come from + the wars</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">The like wasn't heerd. + Fill the bowl you</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Bowld sons of MILESIUS + and MARS;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And dhrink to ould + Ireland the turfy</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">That's shmilin' out there + in the say,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Wid three cheers for + the conqueror MURPHY.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whoo! America's ours from + to-day.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Och! SAYZAR he walloped + the Briton,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The Tarthars leap't + China's big wall,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">ALEXANDTHUR did half + the wurld sit on,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">But niver touched Ireland + at all.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">At Clontarf ould BOBU + in the surf he</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sint tumblin' the + murdtherin' Danes—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">But, yer sowl, the + brave conqueror MURPHY</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Takes the shine out of + all of their panes.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">ULYSSES has made him + Collecthor,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">(Sich choppin' o' heads + ne'er was seen;)</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Sure the hayro will + make me Inspecthor</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whin there's so many + "wigs on the green."</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And we'll be + night-watchmen uproarious,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Wid big badges on our + coats,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And we'll fight for TOM + MURPHY the glorious,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Wid our fists, our guns, + and our votes.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">At the Custom House, + Dutchman and Yankee</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Are thryin' to talk wid a + brogue,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">They're all + <i>Irish</i>, now—fat, lean, or + lanky,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And green are the + neckties in vogue.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">They're thracin' + themselves to some DURPHY,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">O'NEILL, or McCANN, or + O'TAAFFE,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">I'll go bail the bowld + conqueror MURPHY</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">'S too owld to be caught + wid sich chaff.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Now Dutchmin may go to + the divil,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And Yankees to Plymouth's + ould rock,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">We'll blast it, if they + are not civil;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">While boys of the raal + ould stock</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Will hurroo for ould + Ireland the turfy.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Whoo! Jibralthar is taken + to-day,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Our commandther's the + conqueror MURPHY—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Now a tiger and nine + times hoorray!</span><br> + <br> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>COMIC ZOOLOGY.</b></p> + + <p><b>Genus Culex.—The American + Mosquito</b></p> + + <p>Few American birds are better known than the mosquito. + In common with the woodcock, snipe, and other winged + succubi, it breeds in wet places, yet is always dry. Like + them it can sustain life on mud juleps, but prefers + "cluret." It is a familiar creature, seems to regard the + human family as its Blood relations, and is always ready + to sucker them.</p> + + <p>Being a bird of Nocturnal Habits, it is particularly + attracted to human beings in their Night-shirts. The + swallow preys upon it, but it generally eludes the Bat. + Although it cannot be called Noctilucous, like the + lightning bug, it has no objection to alight in the + darkness, and you often knock till you cuss in your vain + attempts to prevent its taking a Shine to you.</p> + + <p>The mosquito differs in most respects from all the + larger varieties of the winged tribes, and upon the whole + takes after man more than any other living thing. + Nevertheless, it certainly bears a noticeable resemblance + to some of the feathered race. Like the Nightingale, it + "sings darkling," and like the woodpecker, is much + addicted to tapping the bark of Limbs and Trunks for the + purpose of obtaining grub. It may be mentioned as an + amiable idiosyncracy of the mosquito, that it is fond of + babies. If there is a child in the house, it is sure to + spot the playful innocent; and by means of an ingenious + contrivance combining the principles of the gimlet and + the air-pump, it soon relieves the little human bud of + its superfluous juices. It is, in fact, a born surgeon, a + Sangrado of the Air, and rivals that celebrated Spanish + Leech in its fondness for phlebotomy. Some infidels, who + do not subscribe to the doctrine that nothing was made in + vain, consider it an unmitigated nuisance, but the devout + and thoughtful Christian recognizes it as Nature's + preventive of plethora, and as it alternately breathes a + Vein and a song, it may be said (though we never heard + the remark,) to combine the <i>utile</i> with the + <i>dulce</i>.</p> + + <p>All the members of the genus are slender and graceful + in their shape and Gnatty in their general appearance. + The common mosquito is remarkable for its strong + attachments. It follows man with more than canine + fidelity, and in some cases, the dog-like pertinacity of + its affection can only be restrained by Muslin. It is of + a roving disposition, seldom remaining settled long in + one locality; and is Epicurean in its + tastes—always living, if possible, on the fat + of the land. As the mosquito produces no honey, mankind + in general are not as sweet upon it as they are upon that + bigger hum-bug, the buzzy bee; yet it is so far akin to + the bee, that, wherever it forages, it produces something + closely resembling Hives.</p> + + <p>Few varieties of game are hunted more industriously + than this, yet such is the fecundity of the species, that + the Sportsman's Club has not as yet thought it necessary + to petition the legislature for its protection.</p> + + <p>The New Jersey Mosquito is the largest known specimen + of the genus, except the Southern Gallinipper, which is + only a few sizes smaller than the Virginia Nightingale, + and raises large speckles similar to those of the Thrush. + Ornithologists who wish to study the habits of the + mosquito in its undomesticated or nomad state, may find + it in angry clouds on the surface of the New Jersey salt + marshes at this season, in company with its teetering + long-billed Congener, the Sandsnipe.</p> + + <p>During the last month of summer it reigns supreme in + the swamps west of Hoboken, the August Emperor of all the + Rushes, and persons of an apoplectic turn, who wish to + have their surplus blood determined to the surface + instead of to the head, will do well to seek the hygienic + insect there.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>An Apt Quotation.</b></p> + + <p>The name "Louvre" has now been adopted by several + places of entertainment in New York and its suburbs. A + Boston gentleman, who visited seven of them a night or + two since, under the escort of a policeman, declares + that, by a slight alteration of a line of MOORE's, New + York may be well described as—</p> + + <p>"A place for Louvres, and for Louvres only."</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>THE WATERING PLACES</b>.</p> + + <p><b>Punchinello's Vacations</b>.</p> + + <p>Mr. PUNCHINELLO puts up at the Atlantic Hotel when he + goes to Cape May; and if you were to ask him why, he + would tell you that it was on account of the admirable + water-punches which JOHN McMAKIN serves up. To be sure + these mixtures do not agree with Mr. P., but he likes to + see people enjoying themselves, even if he can't do it + himself. It is this unselfish disposition, this love of + his fellow-men, that enables him to maintain that + constant good humor so requisite to his calling. In fact, + though Mr. P. often says sharp things, he never gets + angry. When, on Thursday of last week, he was walking + down the south side of Jackson street, and a man asked + him did he want to buy a bag, Mr. P. was not enraged. He + knew the man took him for a greenhorn, but then the man + himself was a Jerseyman. It is no shame to be a greenhorn + to a Jerseyman. Quite the reverse. Mr. P. would blush if + he thought there lived a "sand-Spaniard" who could not + take advantage of him. So Mr. P. bought the bag, and + because it was made of very durable canvas, and would + last a great while, he paid a dollar for it.</p> + + <p>He did not ask what it was for. He knew. It was to put + Cape May Diamonds in! He put the bag in his pocket and + walked along the beach for three miles. You can't walk + more than three miles here, and if you hire a carriage + you will find that you can't ride less than that + distance. Which makes it bad, sometimes. However, when + Mr. P. had finished his three miles, he didn't want to go + any further. He stopped, and gazing carelessly around to + see that no one noticed him, pulled out his canvas bag + and did shuffle a little in the sand with his feet. He + <span style="font-style: italic;">might</span> find some + diamonds, you know, just as likely as any of the hundreds + of other people, who, in other sequestered parts of the + beach, were pulling out other canvas bags, and shuffling + in the sand with other feet. At length Mr. P. shuffled + himself into a very sequestered nook indeed, and there he + saw a man smoking. His melancholy little boy was sitting + by his side. Perceiving that it was only General GRANT, + Mr. P. advanced with his usual grace and suavity of + manner.</p> + + <p>"Why, Mr. President!" said he, "I thought you would be + found at Long Branch this season."</p> + + <p>"Long—thunder!" ejaculated the General, his + face as black as the ace of spades, (which, by the way, + is blue.) "I might go to Nova Zembla for a quiet smoke, + and some sneaking politician would crawl out from the ice + with a petition. I went fishing in Pennsylvania, and I + found twenty of those fellows to every trout. However, I + don't mind you. Take a seat and have a cigar."</p> + + <center> + <img src="images/06a.jpg" alt=""> + </center> + + <p>Mr. P. took the seat, (which was nothing to brag of,) + and a cigar, (which would have been a great deal to brag + of, if he had succeeded in smoking it,) and, after a + whiff or two, asked his companion how it was that he came + to send such a message to Congress about Cuba.</p> + + <p>"What message?" said GRANT, absently.</p> + + <p>Mr. P. explained.</p> + + <p>"Oh," said GRANT, "that one! Didn't you like it? CALEB + CUSHING wrote it and brought it to me, and I signed it. + If you had written one and brought it to me, I would have + signed that. 'Tisn't my fault if the thing's wrong. What + would you expect of a man?"</p> + + <p>Mr. P. concluded that in this case it was ridiculous + to expect anything else, and so he changed the + subject.</p> + + <p>That afternoon Mr. P. bathed.</p> + + <p>He went to SLOAN'S and fitted himself out in a bathing + suit, and very lovely he looked in it, when he emerged + from the bathing house at high tide. With a red tunic; + green pants; and a very yellow hat, he resembled a + frog-legged Garibaldian, ready for the harvest.</p> + + <p>When he hurried to the water's edge, he hesitated for + a moment. The roaring surf was so full of heads, legs, + arms, back-hair, hats and feet, that he feared there was + no room for him. However, he espied a vacancy, and + plunged into the briny deep.</p> + + <p>How delicious! How cool! How fresh! How salt! How + splendid!</p> + + <p>He struck out with his legs; he struck out with his + arms; he dived with his whole body. He skimmed beneath + the green waters; he floated on the rolling wave-tips; he + trod water; he turned heels over head in the emerald + depths; and thus, gamboling like an Infant Triton, he + passed out beyond the breakers. It was very pleasant + there. Being a little tired, he found the change from the + surging waves to the gentle chuck and flop of the deep + water, most delightful. Languidly, to rest himself, he + threw his arm over a rock just peeping above the water. + But the rock gave a start and a yawn.</p> + + <p>It was a sleeping shark!</p> + + <p>The startled fish opened his eyes to their roundest, + and backed water.</p> + + <p>So did Mr. P.</p> + + <p>For an instant they gazed at each other in utter + surprise. Then the shark began slowly to sink. Mr. P. + knew what that meant. The monster was striving to get + beneath him for the fatal snap!</p> + + <p>Mr. P. sank with him!</p> + + <p>With admirable presence of mind he kept exactly even + with the fish.</p> + + <center> + <img src="images/06b.jpg" alt=""> + </center> + + <p>At last they reached the bottom.</p> + + <p>Mr. P. was nearly suffocated, but he determined that + he would strangle rather than rise first. The shark + endeavored to crawl under him, but Mr. P. clung to the + bottom.</p> + + <p>The fish then made a feint of rising, but, in an + instant, Mr. P. had him around the waist!</p> + + <p>The affrighted shark darted to the surface, and Mr. P. + inhaled at least a gallon of fresh air. Never before had + oxygen tasted so good!</p> + + <p>On the surface the struggle was renewed, but Mr. P. + always kept undermost.</p> + + <p>At last they rested from the contest, and lay panting + on the surface of the water, glaring at each other.</p> + + <p>The shark, who was a master of <i>finesse</i>, swam + out a little way, to where the water was deeper, and then + slowly sank, intending, if Mr. P. followed him again to + the bottom, to stay there long enough to drown the + unfortunate man. But Mr. P. knew a trick worth two of + that.</p> + + <p><i>He didn't follow him at all</i>! He swam towards + shore as fast as he could, and when the shark looked + around, to see if he was coming, he was safe within the + line of surf.</p> + + <p>Need it be said that when he reached dry laud, Mr. P. + became a hero with the crowds who had witnessed this + heroic struggle?</p> + + <p>That evening, as Mr. P. sat upon the portico of his + hotel, there came unto him, in the moonlight, a maiden of + the latest fashion.</p> + + <p>"Sir," she softly murmured "are you the noble hero who + overcame the shark?"</p> + + <p>Mr. P. looked up at her.</p> + + <p>Her soft eyes were dimmed with irresponsible + emotion.</p> + + <p>"I am," said he.</p> + + <p>The maiden stood motionless. Her whole frame was + agitated by a secret struggle.</p> + + <p>At length she spoke.</p> + + <p>"Is there a Mrs. P.?" she softly said.</p> + + <p>Mr. P. arose. He grasped the back of his chair with + trembling hand. His manly form quivered with a secret + struggle.</p> + + <p>He looked upon her!</p> + + <p>He gazed for a moment, with glowing, passionate eyes, + upon that matchless form—upon that angelic + face, and then—he clasped his brows in hopeless + agony. Stepping back, he gave the maiden one glance of + wildest love, followed by another of bitterest despair; + and sank helpless into his chair.</p> + + <center> + <img src="images/07a.jpg" alt=""> + </center> + + <p>The maiden leaned, pale and trembling, against a + pillar; but hearing the approach of intruders, she + recovered herself with an effort.</p> + + <p>"Farewell," she whispered. "I know! I know! There + <i>is</i> a Mrs. P.!"—and she was gone.</p> + + <p>Mr. P. arose and slipped out into the night, shaken by + a secret struggle. He laid upon the sand and kicked up + his heels.</p> + + <p><i>There isn't any</i> Mrs. P.!</p> + + <p>Mr. P. does not wish to sweep his hand rudely o'er the + tender chords of any heart, but he wants it known that he + is neither to be snapped up by sharks in the sea, or by + young women at watering places.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A DOG'S TALE</b>.</p> + + <p><b>Dogmatic</b>.</p> + + <p>I am only a dog, I admit; but do you suppose dogs have + no feeling? I guess if you were kicked out of every + door-way you ran into, and driven away from every meat + stand or grocery you happened to smell around, you would + think you had feelings.</p> + + <p>When I see some dogs riding in carriages, looking so + grandly out of the windows, or others walking along + proudly by the side of their owners, I have a feeling of + dislike for the very thought of liberty!</p> + + <p>I sometimes go with the crowd to a lecture-room, and + listen to the speeches about freedom and liberty, the + hatred of bondage, and all that sort of thing. I get my + tail up, and wish I could tell them what liberty really + is. There is nothing worse in the world than this running + around loose, with no one to look after you, and no one + for you to look after; no one to notice you when you wag + your tail, and to have no occasion for so doing. You go + out and you come in, and nobody cares. If you never come + back, no one troubles himself about you.</p> + + <p>Every day I hear men reading in the papers about some + lucky dogs having strayed, or having been stolen, a large + reward being offered for their recovery: and I envy each + lost dog! I wonder who would advertise for me if I got + lost! Alas! no one. They would not give me a bone to + bring me back, or to keep me from drowning myself. But + every boy in the street thinks he has a right to throw + stones at me; and tie tin-kettles to my tail; and chase + me when I have had the good luck to find a bone; and to + set big dogs upon me to worry me when I am faint from + hunger and haven't much pluck; and worse than all, chase + me and cry "Ki-yi," when I am almost dying of thirst!</p> + + <p>If you only knew how hard it is for a poor dog to make + his way in the world, with no one to help him to a + mouthful of food, you would feel sorry for us.</p> + + <p>But I think we might get along better if it wasn't for + the scarcity of water. I hardly know a spot in the city + where I can get a drink; and many a time I have gone all + day without a drop.</p> + + <p>If I happen to hang out my tongue and droop my tail, + my ears are saluted with "Mad dog! Let's kill him!" You + need not wonder I sometimes turn round, and snap at my + pursuers. I think you would snap, too, if you were chased + through street and lane and alley, till your blood was in + a perfect fever, and you hardly knew which way you were + running! I have, on many such occasions, actually run + past a beautiful bone that lay handy on the side-walk, + and never stopped to smell it.</p> + + <p>Oh! I wish some one would take me prisoner, and + continue to own me, and keep me in bondage as long as I + lived! I should only be too happy to give up my liberty, + and settle down and be a respectable dog!</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A Bute-Iful Idea</b>.</p> + + <p>The Marquis of Bute denies that he is going to return + to the Protestant fold. With reference to the rumor, the + Pope stated in the Ecumenical Council that "the Bute was + on the right leg at last, and that he would launch his + thunder against him who should dare that Bute + displace."</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>WHAT IS IT</b>?</p> + + <p>As the shades of night descend (in the neighborhood of + Mecklenburg, N.C.,) and harmless domestic animals begin + to compose themselves to sleep, suddenly the drowsy world + is awakened by a roaring like that of a lion! It proceeds + from the forest, in whose bosky recesses (as the + Mecklenburgers suppose) some terrible creature proclaims + his hunger and his inclination to appease it with human + flesh! All night long the quaking denizens of that hamlet + lie and listen to the roaring, which is an effectual + preventive of drowsiness, as the moment any one begins to + be seized with it he also begins to fancy he is about to + be seized and deglutinated by the horrid monster! + Naturalists are positive it is not the Gyascutis, but + admit that a Megatherium may have lately awakened from + the magnetic sleep of ages, with the pangs of a mighty + hunger tearing his wasted viscera.</p> + + <p>If our theory is correct, the good people of + Mecklenburg (was it not in Mecklenburg that the agitation + for Independence began?) may be assured that deliverance + from this unreasonable Dragon is possible. We think it + more than likely that it is simply GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN + practicing for the next invasion of Great Britain. + Nothing could be more harmless. One Ku-Kluxian youth, + armed with a double-barrelled shot-gun, four + bowie-knives, and a number of revolvers, could rout him + instantly, and even check the flow of his vociferous + eloquence so suddenly as to put him in imminent danger of + asphyxia.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/07b.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><b>RETRIBUTION</b>.</p> + + <p>THE BOYS OF SAN FRANCISCO, EXASPERATED AT THE + CONVERSION OF THEIR DOGS INTO PIE, TIE KETTLES TO THE + TAILS OF THE CHINAMEN.</p> + </center><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Giving the Cue</b>.</p> + + <p>"Is that one of your Chinese <i>belles</i>? asked Mr. + PUNCHINELLO of Mr. KOOPMAN-SCHOOP, as one of the + newly-imported yallagals passed.</p> + + <p>"Yes," replied Mr. K. "You can always tell a Chinese + bell from a Chinese gong by the bell-pull attached to + it."</p> + + <p>Mr. P. immediately presented his <i>chapeau</i> to Mr. + K.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>HINTS FOR—THOSE WHO WILL TAKE + THEM</b>.</p> + + <p>Mr. PUNCHINELLO: Your invaluable "Hints for the + Family," published some time since, seem destined to work + a revolution in our domestic economy; as the plans you + propose must win the admiration of housekeepers by their + extreme simplicity, aside from any other motives to their + adoption. I have myself tested several of your methods, + and find that you speak from thorough and circumstantial + knowledge of your subject In bread-making, for instance, + we find that when the cat reposes in the dough, it (the + dough) will not rise, though the cat does. But in the + clock manufacture, we fear you have divulged one of the + secrets of the trade.</p> + + <p>Your little invention for carrying a thread should be + recommended to students and other isolated beings, + notwithstanding their unaccountable propensity to pierce + other substances than the cloth. They would find driving + the needle through much facilitated by a skilful use of + the table formerly described.</p> + + <p>Permit me to make a few additional suggestions.</p> + + <p>Get some worsted and a pair of needles; set up from + twenty to forty stitches, more or less, and knit till you + are tired. When finished—(the + knitting)—draw out the needles and bite off the + thread. You will thus have made an elegant lamp-mat, of + the same color as the worsted, and the very thing for a + Christmas present to your grandmother.</p> + + <p>This is a very graceful employment, and a great + favorite with ladies; in fact, some ladies seem so + infatuated with work of that kind, that, according to the + new theory of the Future, a fruition of fancy-work will + be amongst their other blissful realizations. And so, + after surveying Deacon QUIRK'S spiritual potato fields, + or perhaps some fresh (spiritual) manifestation of Miss + PHELPS'S piety and intelligence, we may have the pleasure + of seeing the sun and moon hung with tidies, and a + lamp-mat under each star.</p> + + <p>Take your rejected sketches and compositions, cut them + in strips two or three inches wide, and as long as the + paper will permit. Fold these strips lengthwise as narrow + as possible, and smooth the edges down flat with your + finger. When finished, or perhaps before, you will find + you have made a bunch of excellent lamp-lighters.</p> + + <p>Get a suit of clothes—broadcloth is the + best—and a pair of boots to stand them in. + Button the coat, and insert in the neck any vegetable you + choose, so that it be large enough, (one of the drum-head + species is the best,) and finish with a hat You will then + find, doubtless to your surprise and delight, that you + have <b>a man</b>, or an excellent substitute for one, + equal, if not superior to the genuine article, warranted + to be always pleased with his dinner, and never, + necessarily, in the way. Some people may object to its + lack of intelligence, as compared with the original, but + careful investigation has shown that the difference is + very slight; yet, admitting even this to be a positive + fault, it is amply counterbalanced by negative merits. + Your correspondent who writes about "The Real Estate of + Woman," will be relieved to find that the threatened + dearth in husbands can be so readily obviated.</p> + + <p>Very truly,</p> + + <p>ANN O. BLUE.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>For Singers, Only</b>.</p> + + <p>What is the best wine for the voice?</p> + + <p>Canary.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A Chop-House Aphorism</b>.</p> + + <p>Customers who fee waiters may always be sure of their + Feed.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Washy</b>.</p> + + <p>The daily papers tell us that "Sixty-Eight Thousand + persons visited the public baths during last week."</p> + + <p>They went in—a week lot—and came + out sixty-eight thousand strong.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Constructive Genius</b>.</p> + + <p>"A poor woman in Utica, who owns three houses and is + building another, sends her children into the streets + daily to beg."</p> + + <p>Quite right. While the youngsters beg in the streets, + let the enterprising old lady go on and begin another + house.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A Result of the Mongol</b>.</p> + + <p>Owing to the influx of Chinamen into this country, the + edict against allowing dogs to run at large during the + Summer has been relaxed.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/08.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><b>BOMBASTES BONAPARTE</b>:</p> + + <p>NOW PERFORMING AT THE THEATRE FRANCAIS.</p>"He who + would these Boots displace<br> + Must meet BOMBASTES face to face." + </center><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/09.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><b>THE NEW PANDORA'S BOX</b>.</p> + + <p>REPRESENTATIVE MANUFACTURER, (<i>springing open + Chinese surprise + box</i>.)—"THERE!—WHAT DO YOU THINK + OF THAT LITTLE JOKER?"</p> + + <p>KNIGHT OF ST. CRISPIN.—"PSHAW! THAT'S A + MEAN TRICK: WAIT TILL I OPEN <i>MY</i> BOX!"</p> + </center><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>HIRAM GREEN ON THE CHINESE</b>.</p> + + <p><b>He write a letter to the North Adams Shoe + Manufacturer.—New Occupation for the "Coming + Man</b>."</p><br> + + <p> NSBORO, NYE ONTO VARMONT, <i>July the + 11th</i>, 18-<i>Seventy</i>.</p> + + <p>MISTER SAMPSON:</p> + + <p>Selestial sir:—I take my goose quil in hand + to rite you a letter. I like your stile—you + soot me. I myself have been an old Statesman, having + served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, + raisin' sed offis to a higher standard than usual, as + well as raisin' an interestin' family of eleven healthy + children. Upon the linements of their countenance the + features and stamp of GREEN stands out in bold relief. + They are all genuine Green-bax.</p> + + <p>A little cloud no bigger than a man's hand made its + appearance over the golden streets of San Francisco.</p> + + <p>It is growin' bigger, and afore we know it, will be + bigger than a white elefant.</p> + + <p>You have ceased the dilemer by the horn which hangs + suspended from the dilemer's head, like the tail of a + kite.</p> + + <p>While you have set the Chinees peggin' away puttin' + bottoms on shoes, a great many are peggin' away "putin' a + head onto you."</p> + + <p>In the present statis of things you want to blow up + your nerve, and stand as firm as the rox of Jiberalter, + and like BYRON exclaim:</p><span style= + "margin-left: 0.5em;">"To be or not to be, there's the + question;—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Whether a man feels + better to pay big wages for shoemakers,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Or to suffer the slings + and arrows of everybody,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">By hirin' Pig-tails for + 1/2 price?"</span><br> + + <p>Poleticians of the different churches don't endorse + our Selestial brother. But, sir, I'll venter a few + dollars, that if the children of the son—and + dorter—leaned towards either party, he would be + gobled up quicker'n scat, even if he come red hot from + old LUCIFER, with a pocket full of free passes, for the + whole nashun, to the Infernal regions.</p> + + <p>That's so. A vote's a vote, if it comes from + Greenland's coral strand or Afric's icy mountains. I feel + a good deal towards you as a nabor of mine, named JOE + BELCHER, once did.</p> + + <p>JOE likes his tod, and can punish as much gin and + tansy as a New York alderman can, when drinkin' at the + sity's expense.</p> + + <p>JOE went to camp meetin' last week, and, I am pained + to say it, JOSEF got drunker than a biled owl.</p> + + <p>While one of the brethern was preachin', JOE sot on a + pine log tryin' to make out wether the preacher was a + double-headed man, or whether 2 men were holdin' + forth.</p> + + <p>"Who'll stand up for the carpenter's Son?" sed the + preacher.</p> + + <p>This made JOE look around.</p> + + <p>The question was again repeated.</p> + + <p>Again JOE looked around for an answer.</p> + + <p>Again the preacher said: "Who'll stand up for + Him?"</p> + + <p>JOE by this time had got onto his feet, and was + steadyin' himself by holdin' onto a tree, while he sung + out:</p> + + <p>"I say (hic!) ole feller, Ile stand up (hic!) for him, + or any 'orrer man who hain't got any (hic!) more fren's + than he has (hic!) in this 'ere crowd."</p> + + <p>I feel a good deal as JOE did. Anybody who hain't got + any more frends than you have, Mr. SAMPSON, has my + sympathy.</p> + + <p>For bringin' these <i>hily morril</i> and + <i>refined</i> Monongohelians to Massachusetts is a big + feather in your cap, and you will receive your reward + bime-bye.</p> + + <p>"The wages of sin is death."</p> + + <p>But the wages of a Chinyman is money in a man's + pocket. They work cheap.</p> + + <p>I am trying to get the Chinese substituted for canal + hosses.</p> + + <p>A man here by the name of SNYDER, who runs a canal + Hoss to our Co., talks of sendin' for a lot.</p> + + <p>Won't they be bang up with their cues hitcht to a + canal bote snakin' it along at the rate of a mile inside + of 2 hours. "G'lang! Tea leaf."</p> + + <p>Then when they was restin' from their labors, by tyin' + 2 of 'em together by their cues, stand one opposite the + other and hang close between 'em to dry, on washin' + day.</p> + + <p>What an aristocratic thing Chiny close-line posts + would be. The only drawback that I know of is, that the + confounded posts mite some day walk off with all the + close.</p> + + <p>But, sir, if they served me in that manner, I would + cover the ground with broken crockery by smashin' their + old Chiny mugs for 'em.</p> + + <p>Since you've awoken to <i>notorosity</i>, I have been + studdyin' out your family pedigree.</p> + + <p>I find your Antsisters are connected with long hair + more or less, same as you be with Chiny pig-tails.</p> + + <p>Old SAMPSON the first's strength, like your'n of + to-day, lade in his long hair.</p> + + <p>He could cut off more heads, and slay more Fillistians + with the jaw bone of a member of Congress than the + President of these U.S. can by makin' a new deal in the + Custom house department.</p> + + <p>And, sir, I reckon about these days, we are getting + rather more of that same kind of jaw bone than is + healthy.</p> + + <p>I am afrade not.</p> + + <p>Mrs. SAMPSON worked like a kag of apple sass in hot + weather, to find out where her old man's strength was. + When she found out, what did she do? Why, she got a pair + of sheep shears and cropped him closer'n a state prison + bird, and tryin' to lift a house full of fokes, it fell + onto him and smashed him.</p> + + <p>Like LOT'S wife, she'd orter been turned into a pillow + of salt, and then the pillow had orter been sewed up and + cast into the sea.</p> + + <p>Another of the SAMPSONS wouldn't even chop off MARIAR + ANTERNETTE'S head until her hair had been cut off, so he + could peel her top-knot off slick and cleen.</p> + + <p>Lookin' back at these cheerful antsisters of your'n, + it's no wonder you go in for long haired labor. It runs + in the SAMPSON blood.</p> + + <p>The public is cussin' you from DANIEL to BEEBSHEBER, + because you've brought a lot of modern Philistines to + Massachusetts.</p> + + <p>Let 'em cus.</p> + + <p>That's their lay.</p> + + <p>Your'n is, to bild up a fortin, if Poor-houses for + white laborers to live in is thicker in North Adams than + goose pimples on a fever and ager sufferer's form.</p> + + <p>As old Grandma SAMPSON cut off her old man's long + hair, so she could handle him in one of them little + fireside scrimmages which we married fokes enjoy, so + fokes would crop you, my hi toned old Joss stick.</p> + + <p>But I've writ more'n I intended to. I would like to + have you come and make us a visit.</p> + + <p>Bring along your wife, DELIAL. Tell her to bring her + croshay work.</p> + + <p>Mrs. GREEN is interestin' company among wimmen.</p> + + <p>What MARIAR don't know about her nabors, don't + happen.</p> + + <p>Then her veel pot-pies and ingin puddins are just + rats.</p> + + <p>She can nock the spots off from any woman who wears a + waterfall, gettin' up a good square meal.</p> + + <p>Anser soon, and don't forget to pay your own + postige.</p> + + <p>Hopin' you are sound on the goose and able to enjoy + your <i>Swi lager und Sweitzer</i>,</p> + + <p>I am thine, old hoss,</p> + + <p>HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,</p> + + <p>Lait Gustise of the Peece.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>TREATMENT FOR POTATO BUGS</b>.</p> + + <p>Mr. CLARK JOHNSON, of Pendleton, Indiana, not at all + discouraged by the signal failures of many previous + campaigns against the Bug, has entered the (potato) field + with a new weapon, viz.: a mixture of Paris Green and + Ashes. Applied frequently, as a Top Dressing, this gentle + stimulant imparts a new energy to the vine, and also to + the Bug, who thus becomes so vigorous, and at the same + time restless, that an uncontrollable impulse seizes him + to visit the home of his ancestors, (Colorado.) Here, as + is supposed by Mr. JOHNSON, the fictitious energy that + had been supplied by the Mixture deserts the immigrant, + who now settles down contentedly, nor ever roams + again.</p> + + <p>As (owing to the present facilities of freighting, + etc.,) the Potatoes of Pendleton may eventually find the + New York market, which always invites the superior + esculent, we would like to suggest to Mr. JOHNSON that + this Mixture be administered to the Bug with a spoon, and + not sprinkled promiscuously on the ground. We have drank + Tea with a "green flavor," and found it comparatively + innocuous; but Potatoes with a green flavor, (especially + if flavored by the JOHNSONIAN method,) we should consider + as doubtful, to say the least. It is the general + impression that there is nothing Green in Paris; but your + house painter knows there is such a thing as Paris Green, + and that it is the oxyde of copper. Therefore, should one + eat many of the potatoes nourished as above, we should + expect to see him gradually turning into a Bronze + Statue—a fate which, unless he were + particularly Greeky and nice-looking, we should wish to + anticipate, if possible, in the interests of art.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/12.jpg" alt=""> + + <p>MR. SWACHENBACKER, OF THE AIRY 'UN SOCIETY, CREATES + A SENSATION AMONG THE LADY BATHERS AT "THE BRANCH," BY + APPEARING AMONG THEM AS A MERMAN, WITH A REAL + LOOKING-GLASS AND A FALSE TAIL.</p> + </center><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Fashionable Intelligence.</b></p> + + <p>Two colors that once were fashionable in the Parisian + <i>toilette</i>, viz.: BISMARCK brown and Prussian blue, + are now excluded from court circles, by command of the + Empress.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Weather or No.</b></p> + + <p>Most remarkable in the history of mathematics are the + calculations published by the weather-prophet of the + <i>Express</i>. Arithmetic turns pale when she glances at + them, and, striking her multiplication table with her + algebraic knuckles, demands to know why the + <i>Express</i> does not add a Cube-it to its + THATCHER.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Comparative Industry.</b></p> + + <p>It is reported that "the journeymen lathers demand + four dollars per day." As a question of comparative soap, + the latherers will in due time strike too. The ultimatum + will be-"Raise our pay or we drop the Razor."</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>"Omnibus Hoc," etc.</b></p> + + <p>What is the difference between theft in an omnibus and + the second deal at cards?</p> + + <p>One is a Game of the Stage, and the other is a Stage + of the Game.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>OUR AGRICULTURAL COLUMN.</b></p> + + <p><b>Memorabilia of "What I Know About Farming."</b></p> + + <p>Profound subjects should be well meditated upon. A man + may write about "New America," or "Spiritual Wives," or + any such light and airy subject, without possessing much + knowledge, or indulging in much thought, but he can't + play such tricks upon Agriculture. She is very much like + a donkey: unless you are thoroughly acquainted with her + playful ways, she will upset you in a quagmire. Perhaps + it is due to my readers that I should say here that I + have read a great many valuable treatises upon this + subject, among which may be named, "Cometh up as a + Flour," "Anatomy of Melon-cholly," "Sowing and Reaping," + one thousand or two volumes of Patent Office Reports, and + three or four bushels of "Proverbial Philosophy." I would + also add, that I invariably remain awake on clear nights, + and think out the ideas set down in this column. Probably + you may not be able to find traces of all that labor + here, but I assure you that those books are more familiar + to me than is my catechism. However, anybody who thinks + he knows more about vegetables than I do, can send me a + letter containing his information, and, if I don't + cabbage it, I will plant it carefully in the bottom of + the waste paper basket. We now proceed to consider.</p> + + <p>PAR'S NIPS.</p> + + <p>This vegetable always flourishes in a moist soil, + though it generally has a holy horror of <i>aqua + pura</i>. Some of them are of an immense size; I have + seen them fill a tumbler. Producers, however, generally + charge more for the large ones than for the small. The + size of the nip usually depends upon the par. It may be + that your par's nip is extremely small, while JOHN + SMITH'S par's nip is very large. Four fingers is, I + believe, considered to be the regulation size.</p> + + <p>This vegetable is served up in a variety of forms. + Some pars like it with milk; in that case it is generally + "hung up." In the winter it is often called a sling or a + punch; in the summer it is denominated a cobbler or a + jew-lip. Perhaps it would be well for those who love it, + to indulge in par's nip now, for some people say, that in + the days of the "coming man" there will be no par's nips. + It must be admitted that the father of a family, who + indulges too freely in par's nip, is very likely to run + to seed, and to plant himself in such unfruitful places + as the gutter. If he be a young par, he may become a + rake, and fork over his money, and then ho! for the + alms-house.</p> + + <p>Numerous efforts have been made to suppress this + vegetable, among which may be reckoned, "Father, dear + Father, come home with me now," Brother GOUGH'S circus, + and the parades of the F.M.T.A.B. Societies. Maine and + Vermont Neal together in the front rank of its opponents. + In Boston they tried to suppress this vegetable, but, if + you followed your par to a store and heard him order a + cracker, you could smell par's nip.</p> + + <p>Among the mild varieties of this article may be + mentioned benzine, camphene and kerosene; the next + strongest kind is called Jersey lightning; but, if you + desire par's nips in their most luxuriant form, go to + Water street and try the species known as + "rot-gut."</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>OUR PORTFOLIO.</b></p> + + <p>Poetry is the exclusive birthright of no age of + people. The dirtiest Hindoo sings to his <i>fetish</i> + the songs of the Brahmin muse, with as keen a relish as + the most devout Christian does the hymns of Dr. WATTS. + Melody comes of Heaven, and is a gift vouchsafed to all + generations, and all kinds of men. In proof of this, let + us adduce a single extract from the great epic of the + Hawaiian poet, POPPOOFI, entitled "Ka Nani + E!"</p><span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Ka nani e! ka + nani e!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Alohi puni no</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Mai luna, a mai lalo + nei,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">A ma na mea a + pau.</span><br> + + <p>We would call the attention of our readers + particularly to the sublime sentiment of the second line. + "Alohi puni no," sings the peerless POPPOOFI, and where, + in the pages of that other Oriental HOMER, the Persian + HAFI, can be found anything half so magnificent? There + may be critics bigoted enough to think that the last line + destroys the effect of the other three; but <i>we</i> + don't. PUNCHINELLO would much rather discover the good in + a thing at any time, than go a-fishing on Sundays.</p> + + <p>It is not in the nature of a properly constituted + human being to lay his hand upon his heart and + chant:</p><span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">"Ka nani e! + Ka nani e!"</span><br> + + <p>in the presence of his mother-in-law, without feeling + that life is not so miserable as some people would make + it out. In the words of ALEXANDER SELKIRK'S man FRIDAY: + "<i>Palmam qui meruit ferat</i>."</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>THE PLAYS AND SHOWS</b>.</p> + + <p><img src="images/13.jpg" align="left" alt="E">mmet is + a name which has heretofore been associated in the public + mind with the Negro Minstrel business. Certain weird + barbaric melodies, which defy all laws of musical + composition, but which haunt one like a dream of a lonely + night on some wild African river, are said to have been + written by "OLD EMMET." Is there any such person? Has any + one actually seen "OLD EMMET" in the flesh, and + with—say a high hat and a cotton umbrella? For + my part I disbelieve in the popular theory of the origin + of these EMMETIC melodies which stir one so strangely. + They are not the work of any earthly song writer, but are + born of some untuned Eolian harp played upon by uncertain + breezes, that murmur the memory of tropical groves and + sigh with the sadness of exile. There is no "OLD EMMET." + If there is, let him be brought forward—not to + be chucked out of the window, as Mrs. F.'s AUNT might + suggest,—but to be thanked and wondered at as + an inchoate OFFENBACH, who might, under other + circumstances, have written an American opera-bouffe, or, + better still, as a possible CHOPIN, who might have + written a second "March Funébre" as hopeless and + desolate and fascinating as that of the despairing and + poetic Pole. (I am coming to "FRITZ" in a moment, but I + won't be hurried by any one.)</p> + + <p>As for JOSEPH K. EMMET, he is an undoubted reality. If + you don't believe it, go to WALLACK'S and see him. + Somebody discovered this EMMET in the Pastoral privacy of + the Bowery. Mr. GAYLER was made to write a play for him, + and EMMET, the Bowery Minstrel, straightway became Mr. + JOSEPH K. EMMET, the renowned impersonator of "FRITZ." He + plays "FRITZ" at WALLACK'S every evening, and the + entertainment is something of this nature.</p> + + <p>ACT I.—<i>Scene, the outside of Castle + Garden. Enter baggage-smashers, emigrant-runners, + aldermen, and other criminals</i>.</p> + + <p>RUNNER. "There's a ship a' comin' up. I'll lay for the + Dutchmen."</p> + + <p>BOBBIT. (<i>A concert-saloon manager</i>.) "There's a + ship coming up. I'll lay for the Dutch girls."</p> + + <p>DISSOLUTE COLONEL. "There's a ship coming up. I want + you two fellows to look out for a Dutchman named "FRITZ," + who is onboard. He takes care of a girl, KATRINA, whom I + adore. Carry off FRITZ and I'll carry off the girl."</p> + + <p>(<i>Various emigrants enter and are hustled off by the + runners</i>. FRITZ <i>and</i> KATRINA <i>finally + appear</i>.)</p> + + <p>FRITZ. "Ja. Das ist gut. Ach himmel; zwei bier und + Limburger."</p> + + <p>(<i>The runners seize his trunk and carry it off. + The</i> DISSOLUTE COLONEL <i>hurries</i> KATRINA <i>into + a coach and carries her off</i>. FRITZ <i>is carried away + by his emotions. Curtain</i>.)</p><br> + + <p>ACT II.—<i>Scene, a boarding-house parlor. + Enter</i> DISSOLUTE COLONEL <span style= + "font-style: italic;">and</span> KATRINA.</p> + + <p>DISSOLUTE COLONEL. "You are in my power. Be mine, and + you shall have as many bonnets and things as you can + wish. Refuse, and I'll send every reporter in the city to + interview you."</p> + + <p>KATRINA. "Base villain! I despise you. Let the + torturers do their worst."</p> + + <p>(<i>Enter</i> FRITZ, <i>disguised as a member of the + Sorosis</i>.)</p> + + <p>KATRINA. "You here! Be cautious. The hash is drugged. + Save me, my beloved."</p> + + <p>FRITZ. "Ja. Das ist nicht gut. Herr Colonel, Ich bin + KATRINA'S aunt. Ich habe gekommen to take her away wid + me, ye owdacious spalpeen."</p> + + <p>DISSOLUTE COLONEL. "Glad to see you. Take some hash, + madam?"</p> + + <p>FRITZ. "Ja. Das ist gut. Take some yourself, you + murtherin' thafe of the worruld."</p> + + <p>(<i>The</i> DISSOLUTE COLONEL <i>forgets that the hash + is drugged. He takes it and falls insensible</i>. FRITZ + <i>and</i> KATRINA <i>escape. Scene changes to Judge</i> + DOWLING'S <i>court-room</i>.)</p> + + <p>FRITZ. (<i>Having left off his Sorosis disguise</i>.) + "Ja. Das is nicht gut. Behold, O wise young judge, the + misguided person who put my trunk in his pocket and ran + away with it."</p> + + <p>JUDGE. "Prove your case."</p> + + <p>FRITZ. "Ja. Das ist gut. Begar! I proves him <i>toute + de suite</i>—what you call to wunst. You see + those Limburger cheese in the villain's mouth. He got + them out of my trunk. So you see I have him ein thief + geproven."</p> + + <p>JUDGE. "Your case is proved. Let the prisoner be + removed."</p> + + <p>FRITZ. "Ja. Das ist sehr gut. Now I'm a gwine to de + saloon, where dis niggah has a ningagement for to + sing."</p> + + <p>(<i>Scene changes to a concert saloon</i>. FRITZ + <i>enters and goes through an entire programme of negro + minstrelsy, to the wild delight of the gallery. At last + the lazy curtain slowly consents to fall</i>.)</p><br> + + <p>ACT III.—The DISSOLUTE COLONEL <i>come to + grief, and</i> FRITZ <i>marries</i> KATRINA. If you want + to know all about it, go to the theatre. I don't intend + to ruin the establishment by giving the public the whole + play for the ridiculous sum which is charged for this + copy of PUNCHINELLO. The third act is the last of the + play, and when the curtain fells, the audience + immediately proceeds to pick EMMET to pieces.</p> + + <p>BOY IN THE GALLERY. "Ain't he just tip, though? I've + seen him lots o' times at TONY PASTOR'S, and I allers + knowed he'd be a big thing if the Bowery or thishyer + theatre got a hold on him."</p> + + <p>YOUNG LADY. "Isn't it frightfully low? The idea of Mr. + WALLACK permitting this negro minstrelsy in his theatre. + To be sure Mr. EMMET is funny; but I hate to see people + funny in this place."</p> + + <p>OLD GENTLEMAN. "My dear! don't be absurd. Suppose Mr. + EMMET has been a minstrel, is that any proof that he + can't be an actor? The young fellow has his faults, but + they will wear off in time, and he is brimful of real + talent. The play isn't a model of excellence, but it was + made to show EMMET'S strong points, and it answers its + purpose. Shall we cry down a talented and promising young + actor simply because he has been a minstrel, and now has + the audacity to play at WALLACK'S? And besides, haven't + we seen pantomime, and legs, and LOTTA, and DAN BRYANT at + WALLACK'S? You never objected to any of the + illegitimacies that have preceded FRITZ;—why + then should you begin now? Give EMMET and GAYLER a + chance. At any rate they can make you laugh, which is + something that BOUCICAULT with his '<i>Lost at Sea</i>' + did not do."</p> + + <p>MATADOR.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A PARABLE ABOUT THE TWELFTH OF JULY</b>.</p> + + <p>In a far distant land, beyond the sea, there dwelt an + Orange Lily. Separated from it by a very absurd and + useless ditch, a Green Shamrock spread its trefoil + leafage to the sun, and grew greener every day. Now, in + course of time, a very ill feeling sprang up between the + Lily and the Shamrock, on account of color, the former + despising the latter because it was green, and the latter + hating the former because it was orange—as if + both colors hadn't lived together in the rainbow ever + since the aquatic excursion of old Mr. NOAH, without ever + falling out of it or with each other. In time they both + crossed the sea, and took root in a far-away land, where + they became acquainted with a very remarkable animal + called the American Beaver.</p> + + <p>The industry of this creature urged the Lily to toil + and spin, contrary to its usual habits, while the + Shamrock converted its trifoliated leaves into shovels, + and took a contract for excavating the hemisphere. And so + they might have jogged on very well together, but for + their stupid way of showing their colors when there was + no occasion for it. This greatly disgusted their friend, + the American Beaver, who didn't care a pinch of snuff + about color, (black is not a color, you know,) but who + went in for faithful and persistent work. One beautiful + Twelfth of July, the Lily arose very early in the + morning, and, shaking out her orange leaves, defied the + Shamrock to "come on." The Shamrock came on. There was a + vegetable howl, and clash, and clangor in the air, and + the Lily, having knocked off several of the Shamrocks' + greenest leaves, went to its friend, the American Beaver, + for comfort and support. But the American Beaver, instead + of countenancing the Lily, said: "Look here, Lily, I + guess you are about the greatest fool I ever <i>did</i> + see, except, perhaps, the Shamrock. As long as you two + stick to your work, instead of sticking out your colors + and sticking your knives into each other, I am very glad + to have you for neighbors, but now that you have shown + yourselves to be jack-asses instead of vegetables, I + would not give an American Beaver dam for the two of + you."</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>CONDENSED CONGRESS.</b></p> + + <p><b>SENATE.</b></p> + + <p><img src="images/14.jpg" align="left" alt="A"> + pleasant philosopher tells us that blessings brighten as + they take their flight. The flight of Congress may be + regarded as a blessing. But Congressmen do not brighten. + PUNCHINELLO listens in vain for the swan song of SUMNER, + and looks longingly, without being gratified by the + spectacle of the oratorical funeral pyre of NYE. Almost + the only gleam of humor he discerns in his weekly wading + through the watery and windy wastes of the Congressional + Globe is a comic coruscation by Mr. CAMERON.</p> + + <p>Mr. McCREERY had had the abominable impudence to + introduce a bill relieving the disabilities of a few + friends of his in Kentucky. Mr. CAMERON objected upon the + ground that one of these persons was named SMITH, and + used to be a New York Street Commissioner. Any man who + had been a New York Street Commissioner ought to be + hanged as soon as any decent pretext could be found for + hanging him. (Murmurs of approbation from the New York + reporters.) Still this was not his main objection to + SMITH. The SMITH family had furnished more aid and + comfort to the rebel army than any other family in the + South. No SMITH should, with his consent, be permitted to + participate in the conduct of a Government which so many + SMITHS had conspired to overthrow. Moreover, this was an + incorrigible SMITH. It was an undisputed fact that SMITH + had given up a lucrative office to follow his political + convictions. Such a man could not be viewed by Senators + with any other feelings than those of horror and disgust. + Let them reflect what would be the effect of polluting + this body, as by this bill it was proposed to make it + possible to do, with a man so dead to all the common + feelings of our nature that he would set up his own + conceits against the practice of his fellow-Senators, and + the rewards of a grateful country. This settled the fate + of SMITH, but the rest of Mr. McCREERY's friends, being + obscure persons, were let in, in spite of the "barbaric + yaup" of DRAKE, who said that the next thing would be a + proposition to enact a similar outrage in Missouri, and + thereby abet the efforts of the bold bad men who were + trying to get him out of his seat.</p> + + <p><b>HOUSE.</b></p> + + <p>SCHENCK insisted upon the Tariff. He had been visited + by delegations from the great heart of the nation, who + assured him that the great heart of the nation yearned + for an immediate increase of the duty on various articles + which competed with the articles manufactured by the + members of the delegation. No longer ago than yesterday a + manufacturer of double-back-action jack-planes had + assured him that the single-forward-action jack-planes + poured upon our shores by the pauper labor of Europe, + were, so to speak, shaving off the edge of the national + life. A gentleman whose name was known to the uttermost + parts of the civilized world, who had shed new lustre + upon the American name by the great boon he had bestowed + upon mankind in the American self-filling rotary Bird of + Freedom inkstand with revolving lid, had said, with the + tears of patriotic shame and sorrow in his eyes, that + there were recreant writers who preferred to purchase the + Birmingham inkstand, which required to be filled, did not + rotate, and had no revolution to its lid, at fifty cents, + than to secure his own triumph of American ingenuity at + ten dollars. Such misguided men must be taught their duty + to their native land. Mr. SCHENCK moved an increase to + 4,000 per cent, <i>ad valorem</i> on the foreign + jack-plane, which he characterized as a Tool of Tyranny, + and the Birmingham inkstand. The thing was done.</p> + + <p>Mr. DAWES said he was disgusted. Everybody's jobs were + put through except his. He threatened to go home and tell + his constituents.</p> + + <p>Mr. PETERS suggested that Mr. DAWES had better go out + and take "suthin' soothin'." (Mr. PETERS is from Maine, + and his remark will probably be understood there.) If he + might be pardoned the liberty he would recommend a little + ice in it.</p> + + <p>Mr. DAWES said he could do his own drinking. As for + PETERS, he scorned him. Moreover, PETERS was + one-eyed.</p> + + <p>Mr. PETERS appealed to his record to show that he had + two eyes. He did not understand the anger of Mr. DAWES. + Of course when he suggested a drink, he assumed the + responsibility of paying for it.</p> + + <p>Mr. DAWES said that altered the case entirely. He took + pleasure in withdrawing his hasty remarks, and in + assuring the House that he profoundly venerated PETERS, + and that PETERS had two perfect eyes of unusual + expressiveness.</p> + + <p>Mr. BINGHAM called attention to the case of Mr. + PORTER, who had been smitten on the nose by a vile + creature whom he declined to drink with. This was a blow + at the national life, and he thought the punishment of + treason was imperatively demanded.</p> + + <p>Mr. BUTLER said he had been kicked once. He assured + the House that the sensation was repugnant to his + feelings as a man—much more as a Congressman. + He moved to amend by substituting slow torture.</p> + + <p>It was finally resolved to put the wretch in irons and + feed him on bread and water.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A Drowsy Con.</b></p> + + <p>When a man is sleepy, what sort of transformation does + he desire?</p> + + <p>He wishes he were a-bed.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>An Anecdote of the good old Square Kind.</b></p> + + <p>MRS. PRINGLEWOOD, having been afflicted with a chimney + that smoked, sent for a chimney-doctor to cure it.</p> + + <p>When the cure had been thoroughly effected, says Mrs. + PRINGLEWOOD to the chimney-doctor: "My son, a boy of but + fourteen, smokes awful; couldn't you cure him as you did + the chimney?"</p> + + <p>"No I couldn't, marm," returned the chimney-doctor, + who was a wag: "but I see what you're arter, + marm—you want me to teach him to draw!"</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>O Deer, Deer!</b></p> + + <p><i>Trichinoe</i> are said to have been discovered in + the flesh of Oregon deer. If this should prove true, + Oregon venison must be anything but a benison; but it is + more than likely that the report originated in the fact + that there is in the East Indies a species of the cervine + family known as the Hog deer.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Scientific Intelligence.</b></p> + + <p>We learn from exchanges that in Missouri, where the + wages of working-people average five dollars <i>per + diem</i>, that the Legislature have decreed a Mining + Bureau, and a Geological Survey of the + State—the remuneration of the assistant + geologists to be at the rate of $1.50 <i>per diem</i>. + Why should these learned geologists waste their time for + a compensation so mean? Let them rather convert their + surveying-staffs into ox-goads, and turn their attention + to Gee-haw-logy,—'twill pay better than t'other + thing.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Men and Manners/</b></p> + + <p>The following paragraph, cut from a newspaper, + suggests a good deal:</p> + + <p>"A Hindoo cabby, before mounting the box and taking + the reins, always first prays that his driving may be to + the glory of his God."</p> + + <p>Now this is precisely what the New York hackman + invariably does before he gathers up the reins and urges + on his "galled jades." He curses his horses, his + passengers, and his own eyes, and thus commends his + driving to the glory of <i>his</i> God, whose other name + is LUCIFER.</p><br> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table style= + "width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" + border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;"> + <big><big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">A. T. + Stewart & Co.</span></big></big></big><br> + Are offering<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">A SPLENDID + ASSORTMENT</span><br> + <small>OF THE<br> + LATEST PARIS NOVELTIES.<br> + IN</small><br> + <br> + ROMAN. ECOSSAIS, CARREAUX.<br> + BROCHE, CHINE, GROS<br> + GRAIN AND TAFFETA<br> + <br> + SASH RIBBONS,<br> + IN THE MOST DESIRABLE WIDTHS AND<br> + SHADES OF COLOR. Also,<br> + <br> + <b>Velvet Ribbons, Trimming Ribbons,<br> + Neckties, &c., &c.</b><br> + <br> + <i>Great Inducements to Purchasers</i>.<br> + <br> + <big>BROADWAY,</big><br> + <br> + <b>4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets.</b><br> + <br></td> + + <td style="text-align: left;" rowspan="4"> + <div style="text-align: center;"> + <big><big><big><big>PUNCHINELLO.<br> + <br></big></big></big></big><br> + The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and + Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of April + 2, 1870. 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(A + set.)</big></big><br> + 4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00—for + .............................................. $9.00<br> + <br> + <br> + A copy of paper for one year and either of the<br> + following $10 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Sunset in California</b>.</big></big> + (Bierstadt) 18-1/2 x 12<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Easter Morning</b>.</big></big> 14 x 21.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Corregio's Magdalen</b>.</big></big> 12-1/4 + x 16-3/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Summer Fruit, and Autumn + Fruit</b>.</big></big> (Half chromos,)<br> + 15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), + for $10.00<br> + <br> + Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or + Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper + will be sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) + when not otherwise ordered.<br> + <br> + Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, + twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in + advance; the CHROMOS will be <i>mailed free</i> on + receipt of money.<br> + <br> + CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be + given. For special terms address the Company.<br> + <br> + The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of + seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A + specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or + getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp.<br> + <br> + Address,<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING + CO.,</span><br> + <br> + P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street, New York.<br> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"><big><big><big><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">A. T. STEWART & + Co.</span></big></big></big><br> + <br> + Are Offering<br> + <br> + <b>Extraordinary Bargains</b><br> + IN<br> + LADIES' PARIS AND DOMESTIC READY-MADE<br> + <b>Silk, Grenadine, Swiss Muslin,<br> + Victoria Lawn, Linen<br> + and Pique</b><br> + <br> + <b>Suits, Robes, and Dresses,</b><br> + <br> + Children's Linen and Pique Garments,<br> + In the Greatest Variety,<br> + <br> + <b>Embroidered Collars, CUFFS, LACES,<br> + Real LAMA LACE POINTS,<br> + DRESSES &c., &c.</b><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</span><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH + STREETS.</span><br></td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"><big><big><big style= + "font-weight: bold;">A. T. Steward & + Co.</big></big></big><br> + <br> + Are closing out their stock of<br> + FRENCH, ENGLISH, AND DOMESTIC<br> + <b>CARPETS</b>,<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Oil Cloths, Rugs, Mats, + Cocoa and Canton</span><br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Mattings, &c., + &c.,</span><br> + <br> + At a Great REDUCTION IN PRICES.<br> + <br> + <i>Customers and Strangers are Respectfully</i><br> + <br> + <b>INVITED TO EXAMINE</b>,<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</span><br style= + "font-weight: bold;"> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">4th Avenue, 9th and 10th + Streets.</span><br></td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"><big><big><big><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">A. T. STEWART + &CO.</span></big></big></big><br> + <br> + Offer the following<br> + Extraordinary Inducements<br> + IN PRICES TO PURCHASERS,<br> + <br> + In order to close the following portion of their Stock:<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Striped Checks, & + Broche Poplinettes,</span><br> + Only 50 cts. per Yard.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Heavy Black and White + Check Silks,</span><br> + 75 cts. per Yard, value $1.50.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Real Gaze de + Chambrey,</span><br> + 75 cts. per Yard, formerly $2.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Striped Mongoline Silks (a + Beautiful</span><br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Article for + Costumes),</span><br> + $1 per Yard, formerly $2<br> + <br> + A LARGE QUANTITY OF<br> + <br> + <b>STRIPED & CHECKED SILKS</b>,<br> + This Season's Importation, $1 per Yard.<br> + <br> + A great Variety of the<br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">NEW ROUBAIX + SILKS,<br></span> 56 INCHES WIDE, $1.25 per Yard.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">RICH CHANGEABLE + SILKS,</span><br> + Light Colors, 24 Inches Wide, $1.75.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">EXTRA HEAVY PONGE + SILKS,</span><br> + ONLY $1.60 per Yard, formerly $2.50.<br> + <br> + <small>A LARGE ASSORTMENT OF</small><br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Plain Colored POULTS DE + SOIES,<br> + TAFFETTAS,</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">FAILLES, + &c., &c.,</span><br> + <br> + Choice Shades of Color.<br> + <br> + <i>AN IMMENSE STOCK OF</i><br> + <br> + <b>BLACK SILKS</b>,<br> + <br> + At Prices Lower Than Ever.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</span><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">4th Ave., 9th and 10th + Sts.</span><br></td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table width="800" align="center" border="1" cellpadding="2" + cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td rowspan="2" width="66%"> + <center> + <img src="images/16.jpg" alt=""> <span style= + "font-weight: bold;">THE COMING MILLENNIUM,</span><br> + WHEN EVERYTHING IS TO BE CHEAP,<br> + AND THE WHITE MAN WILL STARVE. + </center> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Tourists and leisure + Travelers</span><br> + <small>will be find to learn that the Erie Railway + Company has prepared</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">COMBINATION + EXCURSION</span><br> + <small><small>OR</small></small><br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Round Trip + Tickets,</span></big><br> + + <p><small>Valid during the entire season, and embracing + Ithaca— headwaters of Cayuga + Lake—Niagara Falls, Lake Ontario, the River St. + Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake Champlain, Lake George, + Saratoga, the White Mountains and all principal points of + interest in Northern New York, the Canadas, and New + England. Also similar Tickets at reduced rates, through + Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit the celebrated + Iron Mountains and Copper Mines of that region. By + applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., Nos. + 241, 529 and 957 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 38 Greenwich + St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 Fulton + St., Brooklyn; Depots foot of Chambers Street, and foot + of 23rd St., New York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long + Dock Depot, Jersey City, and the Agents at the principal + hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, + as well as all the necessary information.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center">"The Printing—House of the + United States."<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">GEO. F. NESBITT + & CO.,</span></big></big><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">General JOB + PRINTERS,</span><br> + <br> + BLANK BOOK Manufacturers,<br> + STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail,<br> + LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers.<br> + COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers,<br> + CARD Manufacturers,<br> + ENVELOPE Manufacturers.<br> + FINE CUT and COLOR Printers.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">163, 165, 167, and 169 + PEARL ST.,</span><br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE + ST., New York.</span><br> + <br> + <small>ADVANTAGES. All on the same premises, and under + immediate supervision of the proprietors.</small><br></td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td colspan="2"> + <center> + <p><small>PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild Flowers," + "Water-Lilies," "Chas. Dickens." PRANG'S CHROMOS sold + in all Art and Bookstores throughout the world. PRANG'S + ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of + stamp.</small></p><span style="font-weight: bold;">L. + PRANG & CO., Boston.</span> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table style= + "width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" + border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="width: 50%;"> + <div style="text-align: center;"> + <big><big><big><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO.</span></big></big></big><br> + + <br> + <small>With a large and varied experience in the + management and publication of a paper of the class + herewith submitted, and with the still more positive + advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the + undertaking, the</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING + CO</span>.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">OF THE CITY OF NEW + YORK,</span><br> + <br> + Presents to the public for approval, the new<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS + AND SATIRICAL</span><br> + <br> + <small><span style="font-weight: bold;">WEEKLY + PAPER,</span></small><br> + <br> + <big><big><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO,</span></big></big><br> + + <br> + The first number of which was issued under<br> + date of April 2.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">ORIGINAL + ARTICLES,</span><br> + <br> + + <div style="text-align: center;"> + Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs,, or + suggestive ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon + the topics of the day, are always acceptable and will + be paid for liberally.<br> + <br> + Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless + postage stamps are inclosed. + </div> + </div> + + <div style="text-align: center;"> + <br> + TERMS:<br> + <br> + One copy, per year, in advance ....................... + $4.00<br> + <br> + Single copies + .......................................... .10<br> + <br> + A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of + ten cents.<br> + <br> + One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other<br> + magazine or paper, price, $2.50, for ................. + 5.50<br> + <br> + One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for.. + 7.00 + </div><br> + + <div style="text-align: center;"> + All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed + to<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING + CO.,</span><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">No 83 Nassau + Street,</span><br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">P. O. Box, 2783. NEW + YORK.</span> + </div> + </td> + + <td style="text-align: center;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>THE MYSTERY OF + MR. E. DROOD.</big></big></p> + + <p style="font-style: italic;">The New Burlesque + Serial,</p> + + <p><big>Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO,</big></p> + + <p><small>BY</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>ORPHEUS C. + KERR,</big></p> + + <p><small>Commenced in No. 11. will be continued weekly + throughout the year.</small></p> + + <p><small>A sketch of the eminent author, written by his + bosom friend, with superb illustrations of</small></p> + + <p>1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGAD'S HILL, + TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY.</p> + + <p>2ND. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE + taken as he appears "Every Saturday." will also be found + in the same number.</p><br> + + <p>Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen,<br> + (or mailed from this office, free,) Ten Cents.</p> + + <p>Subscription for One Year, one copy,<br> + with $2 Chromo Premium. $4.</p> + + <p><small>Those desirous of receiving the paper + containing this new serial, which promises to be the best + ever written by ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to + insure its regular receipt weekly.</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>We will send the + first Ten Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to<br> + any one who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, + on<br> + the receipt of SIXTY CENTS.</small></p> + + <p>Address,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING + COMPANY,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">P. O. Box 2783.</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">83 Nassau St., New + York.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table><br> + + <center> + GEO. W, WHEAT & Co, PRINTER, NO. 8 SPRUCE STREET. + </center><br> + <br> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 10014 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/10014-h/images/01.jpg b/10014-h/images/01.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b3cee40 --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/images/01.jpg diff --git a/10014-h/images/04.jpg b/10014-h/images/04.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..4b6ad60 --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/images/04.jpg diff --git a/10014-h/images/05.jpg b/10014-h/images/05.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b39101a --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/images/05.jpg diff --git a/10014-h/images/06a.jpg b/10014-h/images/06a.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..34b8642 --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/images/06a.jpg diff --git a/10014-h/images/06b.jpg b/10014-h/images/06b.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a4c91a1 --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/images/06b.jpg diff --git a/10014-h/images/07a.jpg b/10014-h/images/07a.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..fcb4176 --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/images/07a.jpg diff --git a/10014-h/images/07b.jpg b/10014-h/images/07b.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..872ee89 --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/images/07b.jpg diff --git a/10014-h/images/08.jpg b/10014-h/images/08.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..ca15edd --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/images/08.jpg diff --git a/10014-h/images/09.jpg b/10014-h/images/09.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..62cb8ff --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/images/09.jpg diff --git a/10014-h/images/12.jpg b/10014-h/images/12.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e0ecc59 --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/images/12.jpg diff --git a/10014-h/images/13.jpg b/10014-h/images/13.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..fab6bc3 --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/images/13.jpg diff --git a/10014-h/images/14.jpg b/10014-h/images/14.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..7c17de2 --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/images/14.jpg diff --git a/10014-h/images/16.jpg b/10014-h/images/16.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e22ad11 --- /dev/null +++ b/10014-h/images/16.jpg |
