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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Two Guardians, by Charlotte Mary Yonge
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Two Guardians
+
+Author: Charlotte Mary Yonge
+
+Posting Date: November 12, 2011 [EBook #9926]
+Release Date: February, 2006
+First Posted: October 31, 2003
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TWO GUARDIANS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Michigan University, Joshua Hutchinson, and
+the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE TWO GUARDIANS
+
+or, HOME IN THIS WORLD
+
+by CHARLOTTE MARY YONGE
+
+THE AUTHOR OF "THE HEIR OF REDCLYFFE," "HENRIETTA'S WISH," "KENNETH,"
+"HEARTSEASE," "THE CASTLE BUILDERS," ETC.
+
+1871
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "Stay here, Marian! I don't care if all the world heard
+me."]
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+
+In putting forth another work, the Author is anxious to say a few words
+on the design of these stories; not with a view to obviate criticism,
+but in hopes of pointing to the moral, which has been thought not
+sufficiently evident, perhaps because it has been desired to convey,
+rather than directly inculcate it.
+
+Throughout these tales the plan has been to present a picture of
+ordinary life, with its small daily events, its pleasures, and its
+trials, so as to draw out its capabilities of being turned to the best
+account. Great events, such as befall only a few, are thus excluded,
+and in the hope of helping to present a clue, by example, to the
+perplexities of daily life, the incidents, which render a story
+exciting, have been sacrificed, and the attempt has been to make the
+interest of the books depend on character painting.
+
+Each has been written with the wish to illustrate some principle which
+may be called the key note. "Abbeychurch" is intended to show the need
+of self-control and the evil of conceit in different manifestations;
+according to the various characters, "Scenes and Characters" was meant
+to exemplify the effects of being guided by mere feeling, set in
+contrast with strict adherence to duty. In "Henrietta's Wish" the
+opposition is between wilfulness and submission--filial submission as
+required, in the young people, and that of which it is a commencement as
+well as a type, as instanced in Mrs. Frederick Langford. The design of
+the "Castle Builders" is to show the instability and dissatisfaction of
+mind occasioned by the want of a practical, obedient course of daily
+life; with an especial view to the consequences of not seeking strength
+and assistance in the appointed means of grace.
+
+And as the very opposite to Emmeline's feeble character, the heroine
+of the present story is intended to set forth the manner in which a
+Christian may contend with and conquer this world, living in it but not
+of it, and rendering it a means of self-renunciation. It is therefore
+purposely that the end presents no great event, and leaves Marian
+unrecompensed save by the effects her consistent well doing has
+produced on her companions. Any other compensation would render her
+self-sacrifice incomplete, and make her no longer invisibly above the
+world.
+
+_October 14th_, 1852.
+
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+  "With fearless pride I say
+  That she is healthful, fleet, and strong
+  And down the rocks will leap along,
+  Like rivulets in May."
+
+  WORDSWORTH.
+
+
+Along a beautiful Devonshire lane, with banks of rock overhung by tall
+bowery hedges, rode a lively and merry pair, now laughing and talking,
+now summoning by call or whistle the spaniel that ran by their side, or
+careered through the fields within the hedge.
+
+The younger was a maiden of about twelve years old, in a long black and
+white plaid riding-skirt, over a pink gingham frock, and her dark hair
+hidden beneath a little cap furnished with a long green veil, which
+was allowed to stream behind her in the wind, instead of affording the
+intended shelter to a complexion already a shade or two darkened by the
+summer sun, but with little colour in the cheeks; and what there was,
+only the pale pink glow like a wild rose, called up for the moment
+by warmth and exercise, and soon to pass away. Still there was no
+appearance of want of health; the skin was of a clear, soft, fresh shade
+of brown; the large dark eyes, in spite of all their depth of melancholy
+softness, had the wild, untamed animation of a mountaineer; the face and
+form were full of free life and vigour, as she sat erect and perfectly
+at ease on her spirited little bay pony, which at times seemed so lively
+that it might have been matter of surprise to a stranger that so young a
+horsewoman should be trusted on its back.
+
+Her companion was a youth some ten or eleven years her senior,
+possessing a handsome set of regular features, with a good deal of
+family likeness to hers; dark eyes and hair, and a figure which, though
+slight, was rather too tall to look suitable to the small, stout, strong
+pony which carried him and his numerous equipments, consisting of a long
+rod-case, a fishing-basket and landing-net, in accordance with the lines
+of artificial flies wreathed round his straw hat, and the various oddly
+contrived pockets of his grey shooting-coat.
+
+In the distance at the end of the lane there appeared two walking
+figures. "Mrs. Wortley!" exclaimed the young lady.
+
+"No, surely not out so soon!" was the answer. "She is in the depth of
+lessons."
+
+"No, but Edmund, it is, look, and Agnes too! There, Ranger has better
+eyes than you; he is racing to them."
+
+"Well, I acknowledge my mistake," said Edmund, drawing up his rein as
+they came upon the pair,--a pleasing lady, and a pretty blue-eyed girl
+of fourteen. "I did not believe my eyes, Mrs. Wortley, though Marian
+tried to persuade me. I thought you were always reading Italian at this
+time in the morning, Agnes".
+
+"And I thought you were reading Phædrus with Gerald," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"Ay," said Agnes, "we did not know what to make of you coming up the
+lane; you with your lance there, like the Red Cross Knight himself, and
+Marian with her palfry for Una."
+
+"The knight must have borrowed the dwarf's ass," said Edmund, laughing,
+and putting his lance in rest.
+
+"And where have you been, then, at this portentous time of day, Agnes?"
+asked Marian.
+
+"We heard a report of Betty Lapthorn's child having another fit," said
+Agnes, "and set off to see; but it turned out to be a false alarm. And
+now we are going up to the Manor House to ask Lady Arundel if she has
+any arrowroot for it, for ours is all used up."
+
+"Shall we find her at leisure?" added Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"Yes," said Marian. "Gerald has finished his lessons by this time.
+Mamma thought it would be too far for him to go with us, and besides he
+frightens the fish."
+
+"Which you are in too good training to do, Marian," said Mrs. Wortley.
+"And how is your papa to-day?"
+
+"Oh, it is a good day," said Marian: "he was up before we set off."
+
+"Down stairs? For perhaps we had better not go now, just after he is
+tired with coming down," said Mrs. Wortley. "Now, Mr. Arundel, you will
+tell me honestly, and this arrowroot will do just as well another time;
+or if Marian will carry home the message--"
+
+"Well," said Edmund, smiling, "to give you a proof of my sincerity, I
+think you had better perhaps go rather later in the day. My uncle very
+unnecessarily hurried himself, thinking that he was keeping me waiting
+to help him down stairs, and I thought he seemed rather tired; but he
+will be very glad to see you in the afternoon. Indeed, he would be very
+glad now, only you asked me as a question of prudence."
+
+"Don't make civil speeches at the end to spoil just such a reply as I
+wanted," said Mrs. Wortley. "I am afraid you do not think Sir Edmund
+much better since you were last at home."
+
+Edmund shook his head. "If he has not lost ground, it is well," said he,
+"and I think at least there is less pain."
+
+"Well, I will not keep you any longer," said Mrs. Wortley; "good-bye,
+and good sport to you."
+
+And with a wave of the hand on rode the two cousins, Edmund and Marian
+Arundel.
+
+"What an excellent thing it is for the village that those Wortleys are
+come!" said Edmund.
+
+"Yes; now that mamma cannot attend much to the school and poor people, I
+don't know what we should do without them. How different it was in old
+Mr. May's time! I hope we shall get the Church set to rights now, when
+papa is well enough to attend to it."
+
+"It is high time, certainly," said Edmund; "our Church is almost a
+disgrace to us, especially with the Arundel aisle, to show what our
+ancestors did."
+
+"No, not quite to us," said Marian; "you know papa would have done it
+all long ago, if the idea had not vexed poor old Mr. May so much. But
+Ranger! Ranger! where is Ranger, Edmund?"
+
+Edmund whistled, and presently, with whirring, rushing wing, there flew
+over the hedge beside them a covey of partridges, followed by Ranger's
+eager bark. Marian's pony started, danced, and capered; Edmund watched
+her with considerable anxiety, but she reined it in with a steady,
+dexterous, though not a strong hand, kept her seat well, and rode on in
+triumph, while Edmund exclaimed, "Capital, Marian!" Then looking back,
+"What a shot that was!" he added in a sort of parenthesis, continuing,
+"I am proud, Mayflower is not a bit too much for you now, though I think
+we must have given her up if you had had another tumble."
+
+"Oh, no, no, I do so delight in Mayflower, pretty creature!" said
+Marian, patting her neck. "I like to feel that the creature I ride is
+alive--not an old slug, like that animal which you are upon, Edmund."
+
+"That is decidedly ungrateful of you, Marian, when you learnt to ride
+upon this identical slug, and owe the safety of your neck to its quiet
+propensities. Now take care down this stony hill; hold her up well--that
+is right."
+
+Care was certainly needed as they descended the steep hill side; the
+road, or rather pathway, cut out between high, steep, limestone rocks,
+and here and there even bare of earth. Any one but a native would have
+trembled at such a descent but though the cousins paid attention to
+their progress, they had no doubts or alarms. At the bottom a clear
+sparkling stream traversed the road, where, for the convenience of foot
+passengers, a huge flat stone had been thrown across from one high bank
+to the other, so as to form a romantic bridge. Marian, however, did not
+avail herself of it, but rode gallantly through the shallow water, only
+looking back at it to observe to Edmund, "We must make a sketch of that
+some day or other."
+
+"I am afraid we cannot get far enough off," said Edmund, "to make a good
+drawing of it. Too many things go to the making of the picturesque."
+
+"Yes, I know, but that is what I never can understand. I see by woeful
+experience that what is pretty in itself will not make a pretty drawing,
+and everyone says so; but I never could find out why."
+
+"Perhaps because we cannot represent it adequately."
+
+"Yes, but there is another puzzle; you sometimes see an exact
+representation, which is not really a picture at all. Don't you know
+that thing that the man who came to the door did of our house,--the
+trees all green, and the sky all blue, and the moors all purple?"
+
+"As like as it can stare; yes, I know."
+
+"Well, why does that not satisfy us? why is it not a picture?"
+
+"Because it stares, I suppose. Why does not that picture of my aunt
+at Mrs. Week's cottage satisfy you as well as the chalk sketch in the
+dining-room?"
+
+"Because it has none of herself--her spirit."
+
+"Well, I should say that nature has a self and a spirit which must be
+caught, or else the Chinese would be the greatest artists on the face of
+the earth."
+
+"Yes, but why does an archway, or two trees standing up so as to
+enclose the landscape, or--or any of those things that do to put in the
+foreground, why do they enable you to make a picture, to catch this self
+and spirit."
+
+"Make the phial to enclose the genie," said Edmund. "Abstruse questions,
+Marian; but perhaps it is because they contract the space, so as to
+bring it more to the level of our capacity, make it less grand, and more
+what we can get into keeping. To be sure, he would be a presumptuous man
+who tried to make an exact likeness of that," he added, as they reached
+the top of the hill, and found themselves on an open common, with here
+and there a mass of rock peeping up, but for the most part covered with
+purple heath and short furze, through which Ranger coursed, barking
+joyously. The view was splendid, on one side the moors rising one
+behind the other, till they faded in grey distance, each crowned with
+a fantastic pile of rocks, one in the form of a castle, another of
+a cathedral, another of a huge crouching lion, all known to the two
+cousins by name, and owned as familiar friends. On the other side,
+between two hills, each surmounted by its own rocky crest, lay nestled
+in woods the grey Church tower and cottages of the village of Fern Torr;
+and far away stretched the rich landscape of field, wood, and pasture,
+ending at length in the blue line of horizon, where sky and sea seemed
+to join.
+
+"Beautiful! how clear!" was all Marian's exclamation, though she drew
+up her horse and gazed with eager eyes, and a deep feeling of the
+loveliness of the scene, but with scarcely a remark. There was something
+in the sight which made her heart too full for words.
+
+After a time of delighted contemplation, Ranger was summoned from a
+close investigation of a rabbit-hole, and turning into a cart track,
+the cousins rode down the side of the hill, where presently appeared
+an orchard full of gnarled old apple trees, covered with fruit of all
+shades of red, yellow, and green. A little further on were the large
+stone barns, and picturesque looking house, which enclosed a farm-yard
+strewn with heaps of straw, in which pigs, poultry, and red cows were
+enjoying themselves. The gate was opened by a wild-looking cow-boy, who
+very respectfully touched his cap; and at the house door appeared a nice
+elderly looking old fashioned farmer's wife, who came forward to meet
+them with bright looks of cordiality, and kindly greetings to Master
+Edmund and Miss Marian.
+
+"Thank you, thank you, Mrs. Cornthwayte," said Edmund, as he held
+Marian's pony; "we are come to ask if you will give our ponies stable
+room for a couple of hours, while we go fishing up the river."
+
+"O yes, certainly, sir, but won't you come in a little while and rest?
+it is a long walk for Miss Marian."
+
+They did comply with her invitation so far as to enter the large clean
+kitchen; the kitchen for show, that is to say, with the sanded floor,
+the bunch of evergreens in the covered kitchen-range, the dark old
+fashioned clock, the bright range of crockery, and well polished oaken
+table; and there, while Marian laid aside her riding-skirt, the good
+woman commenced her anxious inquiries for Sir Edmund.
+
+"Pretty much the same as usual, thank you," said Edmund.
+
+"No better, then, sir? Ah! I was afraid how it was; it is so long since
+I have seen him at church, and he used to come sometimes last summer:
+and my husband said when he saw him last week about the rent, he was so
+fallen away that he would hardly have known him."
+
+"It has been a very long illness," said Edmund.
+
+"Yes, sir; I do wish we could see him about among us again, speaking as
+cheerful as he used."
+
+"Why he is very cheerful now, Mrs. Cornthwayte," said Edmund. "No one
+who only heard him talk would guess how much he has to suffer."
+
+Mrs. Cornthwayte shook her head with a sort of gesture of compassionate
+admiration, and presently added,
+
+"But do you think he gets better on the whole, Master Edmund? Do the
+doctors say there is much likelihood of his being well again, and coming
+among us?"
+
+Edmund looked down and did not reply very readily. "I am afraid we must
+not hope for that; we must be satisfied as long as he does not lose
+ground, and I certainly think he has had less pain of late."
+
+A little more conversation passed between Edmund and the good wife, and
+a few words from Marian; after which they set off across one or two
+fields towards the place of their destination, Marian carrying her
+little sketching-basket in silence for some distance, until she suddenly
+exclaimed, "Edmund, is papa really getting worse?"
+
+"Why should you think so, Marian?"
+
+"I don't know, only from what you say when people inquire after him; and
+sometimes when I come to think about it, I believe he can do less than
+last year. He gets up later, and does not go out so often, and now you
+say he will never get quite well, and I always thought he would."
+
+"No, I am afraid there is no likelihood of that, Marian: the doctors say
+he may be much better, but never quite well."
+
+"But do you think he is better?"
+
+"He has had less suffering of late, certainly, and so far we must be
+thankful; but, as you say, Marian, I am afraid he is weaker than last
+time I was at home, and I thought him much altered when I came. Still I
+do not think him materially worse, and I believe I might have thought
+him improved, if I had been here all the winter."
+
+Marian became silent again, for her disposition was not to express her
+feelings readily, and besides, she was young enough to be able to put
+aside anxiety which, perhaps, she did not fully comprehend. It was the
+ordinary state of things for her father to be unwell, and his illness
+scarcely weighed upon her spirits, especially on a holiday and day of
+pleasure like the present; for though she often shared Edmund's walks
+and rides, a long expedition like this was an unusual treat.
+
+After traversing several fields, they entered a winding path through a
+copse, which, descending a steep hill side, conducted them at length to
+the verge of a clear stream, which danced over or round the numerous
+rocks which obstructed its passage, making a pleasant, rippling sound.
+Here and there under the overhanging trees were deep quiet pools, where
+the water, of clear transparent brown color, contained numbers of little
+trout, the object of Edmund's pursuit. But more frequently the water
+splashed, dashed, and brawled along its rocky way, at the bottom of
+the narrow wooded ravine in which the valley ended. It was indeed a
+beautiful scene, with the sun glancing on the green of the trees and
+the bright sparkling water; and Marian could scarcely restrain her
+exclamations of delight, out of consideration for the silence required
+by her cousin's sport. She helped him to put his rod together, and
+arrange his reel, with the dexterity of one who well understood the
+matter; and then sat down under a fern-covered rock with a book in her
+hand, whilst he commenced his fishing. As he slowly proceeded up the
+stream, she changed her place so as to follow him at a distance; now and
+then making expeditions into the wood at the side of the hill to study
+some remarkable rock, some tree of peculiar form, or to gather a
+handsome fern-leaf, or nodding fox-glove with its purple bells. Or the
+little sketch-book came out, and she caught the form of the rock with a
+few strokes of bold outline and firm shading, with more power over her
+soft pencil than is usual at her age, though her foliage was not of the
+most perfect description. Her own occupations did not, however, prevent
+her from observing all her cousin's proceedings; she knew whenever he
+captured a trout, she was at hand to offer help when his hook, was
+caught in a bramble, and took full and complete interest in the sport.
+
+At last, after a successful fishing up the glen, they arrived at a place
+where the ravine was suddenly closed in by a perpendicular rock of
+about twenty feet in height, down which the water fell with its full
+proportion of foam and spray, forming a cascade which Marian thought
+"magnificent,"--Edmund, "very pretty."
+
+"Edmund, I am afraid the Lake country has spoilt you for Devonshire. I
+wish they had never sent your regiment to the north!"
+
+"That would not prevent the falls in Westmoreland from being twice the
+height of this."
+
+"It would prevent you from saying that here it is not as beautiful as
+any thing can be."
+
+"And nothing short of that will satisfy you. You had better stand in a
+narrow pass, and challenge every passer-by to battle in defence of the
+beauty of Fern Torr."
+
+"I don't care about every body; but you, Edmund, ought to be more
+dutiful to your own home."
+
+"You are exclusive, Marian; but come," and he stuck his rod into the
+ground, "let us have some of your sandwiches."
+
+"Not till you confess that you like Fern Torr better than all the fine
+places that you ever saw."
+
+"Liking with all one's heart is one thing, admiring above all others is
+another, as you will find when you have seen more of the world, Marian."
+
+"I am sure I shall never think so."
+
+While this contest was going on, Marian had unpacked some sandwiches and
+biscuits, and they sat down to eat them with the appetite due to such
+a walk. Then came a conversation, in which Marian submitted to hear
+something of the beauties of the Lakes, in the shape of a comment on the
+"Bridal of Triermain," which she had brought with her; next an attempt
+at sketching the cascade, in which Edmund was successful enough to make
+Marian much discontented with her own performance, and declare that she
+was tired of sitting still, and had a great mind to try to climb up the
+rocks by the side of the fall. She was light, active, and well able to
+scramble, and with a little help here and there from her cousin's strong
+hand, the top was merrily gained; and springing along from rock to rock,
+they traced the windings of the stream even to the end of the copse and
+the opening of the moor. It was a great achievement for Marian, for even
+Edmund had only once been this way before when out shooting. She would
+fain have mounted to the top of a peak which bounded her view, but being
+assured that she would only find Alps on Alps arise, she submitted to
+Edmund's judgment, and consented to retrace her steps, through wood and
+wild, to Mrs. Cornthwayte's, where they found a feast prepared for
+them of saffron buns, Devonshire cream, and cyder. Then mounting their
+steeds, and releasing Ranger from durance in the stable, they rode
+homewards for about three miles, when they entered the village in the
+valley at the foot of the steep rocky hill, from which it was named Fern
+Torr. Excepting the bare rugged summit, this hill was well covered with
+wood, and opposite to it rose more gently another elevation, divided
+into fields and meadows. The little old Church, with its square tower,
+and the neat vicarage beside it, were the only buildings above the rank
+of cottages, of which some twenty stood irregularly ranged in their
+gardens and orchards, along the banks of the bright little stream which
+bounded the road, at present scarcely large enough to afford swimming
+space for the numerous ducks that paddled in it; but the width of its
+stony bed, and the large span of the one-arched bridge that traversed
+it, showing what was its breadth and strength in the winter floods.
+
+A little beyond this bridge was a wicket gate, leading to a path up
+the wooded height; and Edmund at this moment seeing a boy in a stable
+jacket, asked Marian if he should not let him lead the ponies round
+by the drive, while they walked up the steps. She readily agreed, and
+Edmund helping her to dismount, they took their way up the path, which
+after a very short interval led to a steep flight of steps, cut out
+in the face of the limestone rock, and ascending through ferns,
+mountain-ash, and rhododendrons for about fifty or sixty feet, when it
+was concluded by what might be called either a broad terrace or narrow
+lawn, upon which stood a house irregularly built of the rough stone
+of the country, and covered with luxuriant myrtles and magnolias.
+Immediately behind, the ground again rose so precipitously, that
+scarcely could coign of vantage be won for the garden, on a succession
+of narrow shelves or ledges, which had a peculiarly beautiful effect,
+adorned, as they were, with gay flowers, and looking, as Edmund was wont
+to say, as gorgeous and as deficient in perspective as an old piece of
+tapestry.
+
+"There is papa out of doors," exclaimed Marian, as she emerged upon
+the lawn, and ran eagerly up to a Bath chair, in which was seated a
+gentleman whose face and form showed too certain tokens of long and
+wasting illness. He held out his hand to her, saying, "Well, Marian,
+good sport, I hope, and no more tumbles from Mayflower."
+
+"Marian sits like a heroine," said Edmund, coming up; "I am glad to see
+you out."
+
+"It is such a fine evening that I was tempted to come and see the
+magnolia that you have all been boasting of: and really it is worth
+seeing. Those white blossoms are magnificent."
+
+"But where is mamma?" asked Marian.
+
+"Carried off by Gerald, to say whether he may have a superannuated sea
+kale pot for some purpose best known to himself, in his desert island.
+They will be here again in another minute. There, thank you, Edmund,
+that is enough," he added, as his nephew drew his chair out of a streak
+of sunshine which had just come over him. "Now, how far have you been? I
+hope you have seen the cascade, Marian?"
+
+"O yes, papa, and scrambled up the side of it too. I had no idea of any
+thing so beautiful," said Marian. "The spray was so white and glancing.
+Oh! I wish I could tell you one half of the beauty of it."
+
+"I remember well the delight of the first discovery of it," said Sir
+Edmund, "when I was a mere boy, and found my way there by chance, as I
+was shooting. I came up the glen, and suddenly found myself in the midst
+of this beautiful glade, with the waterfall glancing white in the sun."
+
+"I wish we could transplant it," said Edmund; "but after all, perhaps
+its being so remote and inaccessible is one of its great charms. Ah!
+young monkey, is it you?" added he, as Gerald, a merry bright-eyed boy
+of seven years old, came rushing from behind and commenced a romping
+attack upon him. "Take care, not such a disturbance close to papa."
+
+"O mamma, we have had the most delightful day!" cried Marian, springing
+to the side of her mother, who now came forward from the kitchen garden,
+and whose fair and gentle, but careworn, anxious face, lighted up with a
+bright sweet smile, as she observed the glow on her daughter's usually
+pale cheek, and the light that danced in her dark brown eye.
+
+"I'm glad you have had such a pleasant day, my dear," said she. "It is
+very kind in Edmund to be troubled with such a wild goose."
+
+"Wild geese are very good things in their way," said Edmund; "water and
+land, precipice and moor, 'tis all the same to them."
+
+"And when will you take me, Edmund?" asked Gerald.
+
+"When you have learnt to comport yourself with as much discretion as
+Marian, master," said Edmund, sitting down on the grass, and rolling the
+kicking, struggling boy over and over, while Marian stood by her papa,
+showing him her sketches, and delighted by hearing him recognize the
+different spots. "How can you remember them so well, papa," said she,
+"when it is so very long since you saw them?"
+
+"That is the very reason," he answered, "we do not so much dwell on what
+is constantly before us as when we have long lost sight of it. To be
+confined to the house for a few years is an excellent receipt for
+appreciating nature."
+
+"Yes, because it must make you wish for it so much," said Marian sadly.
+
+"Not exactly," said her father. "You cannot guess the pleasure it has
+often given me to recall those scenes, and to hear you talk of them;
+just as your mamma likes to hear of Oakworthy."
+
+"Certainly," said Lady Arundel. "I have remembered much at poor old
+Oakworthy that I never thought of remarking at the time I was there.
+Even flaws in the glass, and cracks in the ceiling have returned upon
+me, and especially since the house has been pulled down."
+
+"I cannot think how the natives of an old house can wilfully destroy all
+their old associations, their heirloooms," said Edmund.
+
+"Sometimes they have none," said his aunt.
+
+"Ay," said Sir Edmund, "when Gerald brings home a fine wife from
+far away, see what she will say to all our dark passages and corner
+cupboards, and steps up and steps down."
+
+"Oh! I shall not be able to bear her if she does not like them," cried
+Marian.
+
+"I suppose that was the case with Mrs. Lyddell," added Sir Edmund, "that
+she discovered the deficiencies of the old house, as well as brought
+wherewith to remedy them. He does not look like a man given to change."
+
+"He has no such feeling for association as these people," said Lady
+Arundel, pointing to Edmund and Marian; "he felt his position, in the
+country raised by her fortune, and was glad to use any means of adding
+to his consequence."
+
+"I should like to see more of them. I wish we could ask them to stay
+here," said Sir Edmund, with something like a sigh. "But come, had we
+not better go in? The hungry fishers look quite ready for tea."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+  "And now I set thee down to try
+  How thou canst walk alone."
+
+  _Lyra Innocentium_.
+
+
+Scarcely eight months had passed since the last recorded conversation,
+when Marian, in a dress of deep mourning, was slowly pacing the garden
+paths, her eyes fixed on the ground, and an expression of thoughtful
+sadness on her face. Heavy indeed had been the strokes that had fallen
+upon her. Before the last summer had closed, the long sufferings of her
+father had been terminated by one of the violent attacks, which had
+often been expected to be fatal. Nor was this all that she had to mourn.
+With winter had come severe colds and coughs; Lady Arundel was seized
+with an inflammation of the chest, her constitution had been much
+enfeebled by watching, anxiety, and grief, and in a very few days her
+children were orphans.
+
+It was the day following the funeral. Mrs. Wortley was staying in the
+house, as were also the two guardians of the young Sir Gerald Arundel
+and his sister. These were Mr. Lyddell, a relation of Lady Arundel; and
+our former acquaintance, Edmund Arundel, in whom, young as he was, his
+uncle had placed full confidence. He had in fact been entirely brought
+up by Sir Edmund, and knew no other home than Fern Torr, having been
+sent thither an orphan in earliest childhood. His uncle and aunt had
+supplied the place of parents, and had been well rewarded for all they
+had done for him, by his consistent well doing and completely filial
+affection for them.
+
+Marian was startled from her musings by his voice close at hand, saying,
+"All alone, Marian?"
+
+"Gerald is with Jemmy Wortley, somewhere," she replied, "and I begged
+Mrs. Wortley and Agnes to go down the village and leave me alone. I have
+been very busy all the morning, and my head feels quite confused with
+thoughts!"
+
+"I am glad to have found you," said Edmund. "I have seen so little of
+you since I have been here."
+
+"Yes, you have been always with Mr. Lyddell. When does he go?"
+
+"To-morrow morning."
+
+"And you stay longer, I hope?"
+
+"Only till Monday; I wish it was possible to stay longer, but it is
+something to have a Sunday to spend here."
+
+"And then I am afraid it will be a long time before we see you again."
+
+"I hope not; if you are in London, it will be always easier to meet."
+
+"In London! Ah! that reminds me I wanted to ask you what I am to say to
+Selina Marchmont. I have a very kind letter from her, asking us to come
+to stay with her directly, and hoping that it may be arranged for us to
+live with them."
+
+"Ah! I have a letter from her husband to the same effect," said Edmund.
+"It really is very kind and friendly in them."
+
+"Exceedingly," said Marian. "Will you read her letter, and tell me how I
+am to answer her!"
+
+"As to the visit, that depends upon what you like to do yourself. I
+should think that you would prefer staying with the Wortleys, since they
+are so kind as to receive you."
+
+"You don't mean," exclaimed Marian, eagerly, "staying with them for
+ever!"
+
+Edmund shook his head. "No, Marian, I fear that cannot be."
+
+"Then it is as I feared," sighed Marian. "I wonder how it is that I have
+thought so much about myself; but it would come into my head, what was
+to become of us, and I was very much afraid of living with the Lyddells;
+but still there was a little glimmering of hope that you might be able
+to manage to leave us with the Wortleys."
+
+"I heartily wish I could," said Edmund, "but it is out of my power. My
+uncle--"
+
+"Surely papa did not wish us to live with the Lyddells?" cried Marian.
+
+"I do not think he contemplated your living any where but at home."
+
+"But the Vicarage is more like home than any other place could ever be,"
+pleaded Marian, "and papa did not like the Lyddells nearly so well as
+the Wortleys."
+
+"We must abide by his arrangements, rather than our own notions of his
+wishes," said Edmund. "Indeed, I know that he thought Mr. Lyddell a very
+sensible man."
+
+"Then poor Gerald is to grow up away from his own home, and never see
+the dear old moors! But if we cannot stay here, I had rather be with
+Selina. She is so fond of Gerald, and she knows what home was, and she
+knew and loved--them. And we should not meet so many strangers. Only
+think what numbers of Lyddells there are! Boys to make Gerald rude, and
+girls, and a governess--all strangers. And they go to London!" concluded
+poor Marian, reaching the climax of her terrors. "O Edmund, can you do
+nothing for us?"
+
+"You certainly do not embellish matters in anticipation. You will find
+them very different from what you expect--even London itself, which, by
+the by, you would have to endure even if you were with Selina, whom I
+suspect to be rather too fine and fashionable a lady for such a homely
+little Devonshire girl."
+
+"That Mrs. Lyddell will be. She is a very gay person, and they have
+quantities of company. O Edmund!"
+
+"The quantities of company," replied her cousin, "will interfere with
+you far less in your schoolroom with the Miss Lyddells, than alone with
+my Lady Marchmont, where, at your unrecognized age, you would be in
+rather an awkward situation."
+
+"Or I could go to Torquay, to old Aunt Jessie?"
+
+"Aunt Jessie would not be much obliged for the proposal of giving her
+such a charge."
+
+"But I should take care of her, and make her life less dismal and
+lonely."
+
+"That may be very well some years hence, when you are your own mistress:
+but at present I believe the trouble and change of habits which having
+you with her would occasion, would not be compensated by all your
+attention and kindness. Have you written to her yet?"
+
+"No, I do not know how, and I hoped it was one of the letters that you
+undertook for me."
+
+"I think I ought not to relieve you of that. Aunt Jessie is your nearest
+relation; I am sure this has been a great blow to her, and that it has
+cost her much effort to write to you herself. You must not turn her
+letter over to me, like a mere complimentary condolence."
+
+"Very well," said Marian, with a sigh, "though I cannot guess what I
+shall say. And about Selina?"
+
+"You had better write and tell her how you are situated, and I will do
+the same to Lord Marchmont."
+
+"And when must we go to the Lyddells? I thought he meant more than mere
+civility, when he spoke of Oakworthy this morning, at breakfast."
+
+"He spoke of taking you back to London immediately, but I persuaded him
+to wait till they go into Wiltshire, so you need not be rooted up from
+Fern Torr just yet."
+
+"Thank you, that is a great reprieve."
+
+"And do not make up your mind beforehand to be unhappy at Oakworthy.
+Very likely you will take root there, and wonder you ever shrank from
+being transplanted to your new home."
+
+"Never! never! it is cruel to say that any place but this can be like
+home! And you, Edmund, what shall you do, where shall you go, when you
+have leave of absence?"
+
+"I shall never ask for it," said he with an effort, while his eye fell
+on the window of the room which had been his own for so many years, and
+the thought crossed him, "Mine no more." It had been his home, as fully
+as that of his two cousins, but now it was nothing to him; and while
+they had each other to cling to, he stood in the world a lonely man.
+
+Marian perceived his emotion, but rather than seem to notice it, she
+assumed a sort of gaiety. "I'll tell you, Edmund. You shall marry a very
+nice wife, and take some delightful little house somewhere hereabouts,
+and we will come and stay with you till Gerald is of age."
+
+"Which he will be long before I have either house or wife," said Edmund,
+in the same tone, "but mind, Marian, it is a bargain, unless you grow so
+fond of the Lyddells as to retract."
+
+"Impossible."
+
+"Well, I will not strengthen your prejudices by contending with them."
+
+"Prejudice! to say that I can never be as happy anywhere as at my own
+dear home! To say that I cannot bear strangers!"
+
+"If they were to remain strangers for all the years that you are likely
+to spend with them, there might be something in that. But I see you
+cannot bear to be told that you can ever be happy again, so I will not
+say so any more, especially as I must finish my letters."
+
+"And I will try to write mine," said Marian with a sigh, as she reached
+the door, and went up to take off her bonnet.
+
+Edmund lingered for a moment in the hall, and there was met by Mrs.
+Wortley, who said she was glad to see that he had been out, for he was
+looking pale and harassed. "I did not go out for any pleasant purpose,"
+said he. "I had to pronounce sentence on poor Marian."
+
+"Is it finally settled?" said Mrs. Wortley. "We still had hopes of
+keeping her."
+
+"Sir Gerald and Miss Arundel are of too much distinction in Mr.
+Lyddell's eyes to be left to their best friends," said Edmund. "It was
+hard to persuade him not to take possession directly, on the plea of
+change being good for their spirits."
+
+"It is very kind of you to put off the evil day," said Mrs. Wortley; "it
+will be a grievous parting for poor Agnes."
+
+"A grievous business for every one," said Edmund.
+
+"How? Do not you think well of Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell?"
+
+"I know my uncle never thought of these poor children's living with
+them. He thought Mr. Lyddell a good man of business, but neither he nor
+my aunt ever dreamed of such a home for them."
+
+"Would they have preferred Lady Marchmont's? Marian is very fond of
+her, and was much gratified by a very nice affectionate letter that she
+received this morning."
+
+"Yes, but I am glad she is out of the question. It is offering a great
+deal both on her part and her husband's to take charge of these two, but
+it would never do. She is almost a child herself,--a bride and beauty
+under twenty,--excessively admired, very likely to have her head turned.
+No, it would be too absurd. All her kindness, amiability, desire to make
+Marian her friend and companion, would only serve to do harm."
+
+"Yes, you are right; yet I cannot help half wishing it could be, if it
+was only to save poor Marian her terrors of going among strangers."
+
+"I know exactly how it will be," said Edmund. "She will shut herself
+up in a double proof case of shyness and reserve. They will never
+understand her, nor she them."
+
+"But that cannot go on for ever."
+
+"No; and perhaps it might be better if it could."
+
+"Well, but do you really know anything against them? He seems inclined
+to be very kind and considerate."
+
+"Electioneering courtesy," said Edmund. "But now you begin to question
+me, I cannot say that my--my mistrust shall I call it--or aversion? is
+much better founded than the prejudices I have been scolding poor Marian
+for. Perhaps it is only that I am jealous of them, and cannot think any
+one out of Fern Torr worthy to bring up my uncle's children. All I know
+of them is, that Mrs. Lyddell was heiress to a rich banker, she goes out
+a good deal in London, and the only time that I met her I thought her
+clever and agreeable. In their own county I believe she is just what a
+popular member's wife should be--I don't mean popular in the sense of
+radical. I think I have heard too something about the eldest son not
+turning out well; but altogether, you see, I have not grounds enough to
+justify any opposition to their desire of having the children."
+
+"How are they as to Church principles?"
+
+"That I really cannot tell. I should think they troubled themselves very
+little about the matter, and would only dislike any thing strong either
+way. If my aunt had but been able to make some arrangement! No doubt it
+was upon her mind when she asked so often for me!"
+
+"Yes, but there is this comfort," said Mrs. Wortley, seeing him much
+troubled, "that she did not seem to make herself anxious and restless on
+their account. She trusted them, and so may we."
+
+"Yes, that is all that one can come to," said Edmund, sighing deeply.
+"But Gerald! One pities Marian the most now, but it is a more serious
+matter for him."
+
+"Gerald will be more in your power than his sister," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"As if that was much comfort," said Edmund, half smiling, then again
+sighing, "when even for my own concerns I miss my uncle's advice at
+every turn. And probably I may have to go on foreign service next year."
+
+"Then he will be at school."
+
+"Yes. He was not to have gone till he was ten years old, but I shall try
+to hasten it now. He must go with his sister to Oakworthy though, for to
+begin without him there would be complete desolation in her eyes."
+
+Here the conversation was concluded by Marian's coming down to write her
+painfully composed letters. That to her cousin, Lady Marchmont, who,
+as Selina Grenville, had been a frequent and favourite visitor at the
+manor, ran glibly enough off the pen, and the two or three quiet tears
+that blotted the paper, fell from a feeling of affection rather than of
+regret; but the letter to old Mrs. Jessie Arundel, her great aunt, and
+one or two others which Edmund had desired her to write, were works of
+time. Marian's feelings were seldom freely expressed even to those whom
+she loved best, and to write down expressions of grief, affection, or
+gratitude, as a matter of course, was positively repugnant to her.
+
+The great work was not finished till late, and then came in Gerald and
+Agnes, and the tea drinking among themselves was rendered cheerful by
+Agnes' anticipations of pleasure in their going the next day to the
+parsonage for a long visit. Gerald began to play with her, and soon got
+into quite high spirits, and Marian herself had smiled, nay, almost
+laughed, before the gentlemen came in from the dining room, when the
+presence of Mr. Lyddell cast over her a cloud of dull dread and silence,
+so that she did not through the rest of the evening raise her head three
+inches from her book.
+
+Yet as Mrs. Wortley had said, Mr. Lyddell was evidently inclined to be
+kind to her and her brother. He patted Gerald on the head as he wished
+him good night, and said good-naturedly to Marian that she must be great
+friends with his girls, Caroline and Clara.
+
+Marian tried to look civil, but could not find an answer both sincere
+and polite, and Mrs. Wortley, speaking for her, asked if they were
+nearly of the same age as she was.
+
+"Well, I can't exactly tell," said Mr. Lyddell. "I should think she was
+between them. You are thirteen, aren't you, Marian? Well, Caroline may
+be a couple of years older, and Clara--I know her birthday was the other
+day, for I had to make her a present,--but how old she was I can't
+exactly recollect, whether it was twelve or thirteen. So you see you
+will not want for companions at Oakworthy, and you will be as happy
+there as your poor mamma used to be in the old house. Many was the laugh
+she has had there with my poor sister, and now they are both gone--well,
+there, I did not mean to overset you,--but--"
+
+Marian could not bear it. She could talk of her mother to Mrs. Wortley,
+Agnes, or Edmund, with complete composure, but she could not bear Mr.
+Lyddell's hearty voice trying, as she thought, at sentiment, and forcing
+the subject upon her, and without a word or a look she hurried out of
+the room, and did not come back all the evening. Agnes followed her,
+and pitied her, and thought Mr. Lyddell should have said nothing of the
+kind, and sat down over the fire with her in her own room to read hymns.
+
+The next day Mr. Lyddell left Fern Torr, and Marian was so glad to
+gee him depart as to be able to endure much better his invitations to
+Oakworthy. That same day Marian and Gerald went to the parsonage, and
+Edmund, after spending a quiet Sunday at Fern Torr, bade them farewell
+on the Monday morning.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+  "Where once we dwelt our name is heard no more,
+  Children not thine 'may tread' my nurseryfloor."
+
+  COWPER.
+
+
+The way of life at Fern Torr parsonage was so quiet as to afford few
+subjects for narration. Mrs. Wortley was a gentle, sensible person, very
+fond of Marian and Gerald, both for their own sake and their mother's,
+and to be with her was to them as like being at home as anything could
+be. Agnes was quite wrapped up in her friend, whom she pitied so
+heartily, and was to lose so soon. She had known no troubles except
+through Marian, she reverenced Marian's griefs, and in her respect for
+them was inclined to spoil her not a little. Then, through nothing
+against the Lyddells had ever been said to Agnes, she had caught
+all Marian's prejudiced dislike to them, and sometimes in lively
+exaggeration, sometimes in grave condolence, talked of them "as these
+horrid people."
+
+Marian felt every day was precious as it passed, and the time seemed to
+her far less than two months, when one day there arrived a letter from
+Mrs. Lyddell to announce that the family were about to leave London, and
+in the course of a week Mr. Lyddell would come to fetch her and Gerald
+to Oakworthy.
+
+The letter was kindly expressed, but this was lost upon Marian in the
+pain its purport gave her, and the difficulty of composing an answer.
+She chose her smallest sheet of writing-paper with the deepest black
+edge, wrote as widely as she could, and used the longest words, but with
+all Mrs. Wortley's suggestions, she could not eke out what she had to
+say beyond the first page. She would not even send her love to her
+cousins, for she said she could have no particular affection for them,
+and to express any pleasure in the prospect of seeing so many strangers
+would be an actual untruth.
+
+What a week was that which followed! Marian loved her home with that
+enthusiasm which especially belongs to the inhabitants of mountainous
+districts, and still more acutely did she feel the separation from all
+that reminded her of her parents. If she had not had Gerald to go with
+her she did not know how she could have borne it, but Gerald, her own
+beautiful brother, with his chestnut curls, dark bright eyes, sweet
+temper, and great cleverness and goodness, he must be a comfort to her
+wherever she was. Gerald was one of those children who seem to have a
+peculiar atmosphere of bright grace and goodness around them, who make
+beautiful earnest sayings in their simplicity which are treasured up by
+their friends, who, while regarding them with joy and something like
+veneration, watch them likewise with fear and trembling. Thus had his
+mother looked upon Gerald, and thus in some degree did Mrs. Wortley; but
+Marian had nothing but pride, joy, and confidence in him, unalloyed save
+now and then by the secret, half superstitious fear that such goodness
+might mark him for early death.
+
+By Marian's own especial desire, she went to almost every cottage to
+take leave, but all she could do was to stand with her head averted and
+her lips compressed, while Mrs. Wortley spoke for her. Her next task was
+to look over the boxes and drawers at the manor house, in case it should
+be let; for no one else could be trusted to decide what hoards of highly
+prized trifles should be locked up, and what must be thrown away. She
+alone could choose the little keepsakes to be given to old servants and
+village friends, and she must select what she would take to Oakworthy.
+
+She stood lingering before each picture, viewing the old familiar
+furniture with loving eyes, and sighing at the thought that strangers
+would alter the arrangements, look carelessly or critically on her
+father's portrait, think her wild garden a collection of weeds, and root
+up the flowering fern which Edmund had helped her to transplant. She
+went into her own room, and felt almost ready to hate the person who
+might occupy it; she lay down on the bed, and looking up at the same
+branch of lime tree, and the same piece of sky which had met her eyes
+every morning, she mused there till she was roused by hearing Gerald's
+voice very loud in the nursery. Hastening thither, she found him
+insisting that his collection of stones and spars was much too precious
+to mend the roads with, as their maid Saunders proposed, and Agnes
+settling the matter satisfactorily by offering to take them to adorn a
+certain den in the vicarage garden with. The ponies were to be turned
+out to grass, the rabbits were bestowed on James Wortley, and Ranger
+was to be kept at the vicarage till Edmund could come and fetch him,
+together with his books, which Marian had to look out, and she found it
+a service of difficulty, since "Edmund Gerald" could scarcely be said to
+answer the purpose of a proper name in the Arundel family.
+
+The last day at home arrived, the eve of S. James. Marian went to
+prepare her class at the weekly school, resolved to do just as usual to
+the last. She had to read them the conversation on S. James's Day in
+"Fasts and Festivals," but she could hardly get through with it, the
+separation between early friends reminded her so much of herself and
+Agnes, and then the comparison of the two roads, one in burning and
+scorching sunshine, the other in the cool fresh shade, almost overset
+her, for though she could not tell why, she chose to be persuaded that
+the first must be hers. But they both ended in the same place. She felt
+tears coming into her eyes, but she kept them down, and went on reading
+in a steady monotonous voice, as if the meaning was nothing to her; she
+asked the children questions in a dry, grave, matter-of-fact way, as if
+she had not the slightest interest in them or in the subject, though her
+heart was full of affection to the dullest and roughest among them, and
+when she went away, her nod, and "well, good morning," to the school
+mistress were several shades further from warmth than usual.
+
+All the way back from the school she was eagerly telling Agnes exactly
+the point where she left each child in her class, and begging her to
+say the kind things which she meant to have said to Grace Knight, the
+mistress.
+
+Agnes laughed and said, "I hope she will take my word for it all. Why
+could you not speak to her? At least I thought you were not afraid of
+her."
+
+"I don't know," said Marian. "I thought I could, but it is very odd. You
+see, Agnes, how it is; the more I care, the more I can't speak, and I
+can't help it."
+
+"Well, don't be unhappy about it," said Agnes. "I know what you mean,
+and am ready to take you as you are, and if other people don't, it is
+their own fault."
+
+Agnes was rather too fond of Marian to be exactly right here, for it was
+not at all a good thing that she should be encouraged in a reserve which
+led her not always to do as she would be done by.
+
+The two girls came in, lingered in each other's rooms while they
+dressed, and at last were called down stairs by Mrs. Wortley, who was
+ready to finish with them the last chapter of the book they had been
+reading aloud together. Gerald sat in the window, his friend Jemmy
+hanging over him, and the two together composing a marvellous
+battlepiece, in which Gerald drew horses, men, cannon, and arrows, and
+Jemmy, like a small Homer, suggested the various frightful wounds they
+should be receiving, and the attitudes in which they should fall. The
+general, with a tremendous Turkish sabre, an immense cocked hat, and
+a horse with very stiff legs, was just being represented receiving an
+unfortunate-looking prisoner, considerably spotted with vermillion
+paint, when a sound of wheels was heard, and both boys starting up,
+exclaimed, "Here he comes!"
+
+He, as Marian knew full well, was Mr. Lyddell; and a chilliness came
+over her as he entered, tall, broad, ruddy, treading heavily, and
+speaking loudly: and Gerald pressed close to her, squeezing her hand
+so tight that she could hardly withdraw it to shake hands with her
+guardian. With one hand he held her cold reluctant fingers, with the
+other gave Gerald's head a patronizing pat. "Well, my dears, how d'ye
+do? quite well? and ready to start with me to-morrow? That is right.
+Caroline and Clara have had their heads full of nothing but you this
+long time--only wanted to have come with me."
+
+Here Marian succeeded in drawing back her hand, and retreated to the
+window; Gerald was creeping after her, but Mr. Lyddell laid hold of his
+chin, and drew him back, saying. "What, shy, my man? we shall cure you
+at Oakworthy My boys will give you no peace if they see you getting into
+your sister's pocket."
+
+Gerald disengaged himself, and made a rapid retreat. It was a long time
+before he again appeared, and when Mrs. the housekeeper at the Manor
+House, came down in the course of the evening to say good-bye, she said,
+"And ma'am, where do you think I found that dear child, Sir Gerald, not
+two hours ago?" She wiped away a gush of tears, and went on. "I thought
+I heard a noise in the drilling room, and went to see, and there, ma'am,
+was the dear little fellow lying on the floor, the bare boards, for the
+carpet is taken up, you know, Miss Marian, before his papa's picture,
+crying and sobbing as if his heart would break. But as soon as I opened
+the door, and he saw me, he snatched up his hat, and jumped out at the
+open window, which he had come in by, I suppose, for I never heard him
+open the door."
+
+Marian, after her usual fashion, had no reply, but it was pleasant to
+her to think of what had taken place, since Gerald had not in general
+shown much concern at the leaving home.
+
+They all met at breakfast next morning; Marian, was firmly determined
+against crying, and by dint of squeezing up her lips, and not uttering a
+word, succeeded in keeping her resolution; but poor Agnes could eat no
+breakfast, and did nothing but cry, till Mr. Lyddell, by saying that her
+tears were a great honour both to herself and Marian, entirely checked
+them.
+
+"I hope," said Mr. Wortley, "that Mrs. Lyddell will not be very strict
+in inquiring into the quantity of Marian's idle correspondence. The
+friends there mean to console themselves with multitudes of letters."
+
+"Oh, certainly, certainly," said Mr. Lyddell. "Old friends for ever! So
+mind, Marian, I mean to be very angry if you forget to write to Miss
+Wortley."
+
+"Thank you," said Marian, knowing that she was saying something silly,
+and trying to smile.
+
+"Come, then," said Mr. Lyddell, "thank your friends once more for their
+kindness, and let us be going."
+
+Thanks from Marian were out of the question, and she tried to get out
+of hearing of the sentences beginning, "I am sure we shall always be
+sensible," "Nothing could be kinder," which her guardian was pouring
+out. She moved with Agnes to the door: the summer sky was deeply blue,
+without a cloud, the fresh green branches of the trees stood up against
+it as if bathed in light, the flower beds were glowing with gay
+blossoms, Gerald and Jemmy were playing with Ranger under the verandah,
+and the Church bells rang cheerfully for morning service, but alas! at
+the gate was the carriage, Saunders sitting sobbing on the outside,
+and David Chapple, Mr. Wortley's man, standing on one leg on the step
+talking to her. Near at hand was the gardener from the Manor House,
+waiting with his hands full of Miss Arundel's favourite flowers, and
+there stood old Betty Lapthorn and her grandchild, Gerald's nurse who
+had married, and the old man to whom the children had so often carried
+the remains of their dinner; all the school children too, and Grace in
+the middle of them, waiting for the last view of Miss Arundel and little
+Sir Gerald.
+
+Mr. Lyddell finished his acknowledgments, and Marian and her brother
+received an embrace and good-bye from their friends, David jumped down
+and shut the door, Saunders sobbed aloud, there was another good-bye
+from each of the Wortleys, and a hearty response from Gerald, Mr.
+Lyddell called out, "All right," and away they went.
+
+On went the carriage, past the Church, with its open door and pealing
+bell, the rocky steps up to the Manor House, nestled in the shrubs, the
+well known trees, the herds of longhorned, red cattle, the grey stone
+cottages, and the women and tiny children at the doors, the ford through
+the sparkling shallow brook, the hill with the great limestone quarry,
+the kiln so like a castle, the river and its bridge of one narrow, high
+pitched, ivy grown arch, the great rod rock, remembered as having been
+the limit of papa's last drive, the farm house in the winding valley
+beyond, with its sloping orchard and home field, the last building in
+the parish. They drove through the little market town, slowly wound up
+the heights beyond, looked down into the broad, beautiful space where
+the river Exe winds its blue course amid wood, field, and castled hill,
+descended, losing sight of the last of the Torrs, glanced at Exeter and
+its Cathedral, arrived at the station, and there, while waiting hand in
+hand on the platform, gazing at the carriage, and starting at each puff,
+snort, cough, and shriek of the engines, Marian and Gerald did indeed
+feel themselves severed from the home of their childhood.
+
+It was not till the afternoon that they left the railroad, and then they
+had a two hours' drive through a country which Marian found very unlike
+her own: the bleak, bare downs of Wiltshire, low green hills rising
+endlessly one after the other, the white road visible far away before
+them, the chalk pits white and cold, a few whitey brown ponds now and
+then, and at long intervals a farm house, looking as if it had been set
+down there by mistake, and did not like it, carts full of chalk, and
+flocks of sheep the chief moving objects they met, and not many of them.
+
+Marian sighed, yawned, and looked at Gerald many a time before they at
+length came to a small, very neat-looking town, where the houses stood
+far back from the street, and had broad clean pavement in front of them.
+"This is Oakworthy," said Mr. Lyddell, and Marian looked with interest.
+The church was just outside the town, white, and clean looking, like
+everything else, and with a spire. That was all she could see, for they
+drove on by the side of a long park wall, enclosing a fir plantation.
+The gate of a pretty lodge was thrown back, and they entered upon a
+gravelled carriage-road, which, after some windings, led to a large
+house, built of white brick, regular and substantial. They stopped under
+the portico at the door, and Mr. Lyddell, as he handed Marian out of the
+carriage, exclaimed, "Welcome to Oakworthy Park!"
+
+It seemed to Marian that there was a whole crowd waiting for her in the
+hall, and she had received at least three kisses before she had time to
+look around her, and perceive that this formidable troop consisted of a
+tall, fresh-coloured lady, two girls, and two little boys. Each of
+the girls eagerly grasped one of her hands, and drew her into the
+drawing-room, exclaiming, "I am glad you are come!" Here were two more
+strangers, youths of the age at which their juniors call them men, and
+their seniors, boys. They did not trouble the guests with any particular
+demonstrations of welcome, only shaking hands with them carelessly, and
+after another moment or two Marian found herself sitting on a chair,
+very stiffly and upright, while Gerald stood about two feet from her,
+afraid of a second accusation of getting into her pocket, looking down,
+and twisting the handles of her basket.
+
+"Lionel, Johnny," said Mrs. Lyddell, "have you nothing to say to your
+cousin? Come here, my dear, and tell me, were you very sorry to leave
+Fern Torr?"
+
+Gerald coloured and looked at his sister, who replied by a hesitating,
+faltering, "Yes, very."
+
+"Ah! yes, I see," said Mrs. Lyddell, "but you will soon be at home
+here. It shall not be my fault or your cousins' if you are not,--eh,
+Caroline?"
+
+"Indeed it shall not," returned Caroline, again taking Marian's hand,
+at first pressing it cordially, but letting it go on feeling the limp,
+passive fingers, which were too shy and frightened to return the
+pressure.
+
+Mr. Lyddell came in, and while his wife was engaged in speaking to him,
+Marian had time to make her observations, for the chilling embarrassment
+of her manner had repelled the attentions of her cousins. Though she had
+never seen them before, she knew enough about them to be able to fit the
+names to the persons she saw before her, and make a few conjectures as
+to how she would like them.
+
+That youth in the odd-looking, rough, shapeless coat, yet with a certain
+expensive, fashionable air about the rest of his dress, who stood
+leaning against the chimney-piece in a nonchalant attitude, was
+her eldest cousin, Elliot Lyddell. The other, a great contrast in
+appearance, small, slender, and pale, with near-sighted spectacles
+over his weak, light grey eyes, dressed with scrupulous precision and
+quietness, who had retreated to the other end of the room and taken up
+a book, was Walter. The elder girl, Caroline, was about fifteen, a very
+pleasing likeness of her mother, with a brilliant complexion, bright
+blue eyes, and a remarkably lively and pleasant smile, which Marian was
+so much taken with, that she wished she could have found something to
+say, but the dress and air both gave her the appearance of being older
+than Agnes, and thus made Marian feel as if she was a great way above
+and beyond her. The other sister had a fair, pretty face, much more
+childish, with beautiful glossy light hair, and something sweet and
+gentle in her expression, and Marian felt warmly towards her because she
+was her mother's god-child, and bore the same name.
+
+The younger boys, Lionel and John, were nice-looking little fellows of
+nine and seven. They had drawn towards Walter, gazing all the time at
+Gerald, and all parties were rejoiced when Mrs. Lyddell, after a few
+more attempts at conversation, proposed to take the guests to their
+rooms.
+
+With a light, quick step, she led the way up two staircases and a long
+passage, to a good-sized, comfortable room intended for Marian, while
+Gerald's was just opposite. With a civil welcome to Saunders, kind hopes
+that Marian would make herself at home, and information that dinner
+would he ready at seven, she left the room, and Saunders proceeded with
+the young lady's toilette. Gerald stood gazing from the window at the
+trees and little glimpse of the town in the distance. He said little,
+and seemed rather forlorn till leave was given him to unpack some goods
+which he could not easily damage. Just as Marian was dressed, there was
+a knock at the door, and without waiting for an answer, Caroline
+and Clara entered, the former saying, "I hope you find everything
+comfortable: you see we make you quite at home, and stand on no
+ceremony."
+
+It was pleasantly said, but Marian only gave a constrained smile, and
+answered, "Thank you," in such an awkward, cold way, that Caroline was
+thrown back. Her sister, only conscious of freedom from the restraints
+of the drawing-room, began exclaiming in short sentences, "O what a
+pretty basket! so you have out your work already! what a lovely pattern!
+how quick you have been in dressing! we came to see how you were getting
+on. O what is this pretty box? do let me see."
+
+"A work-box," said Marian, by no means disposed to turn out all the
+small treasures it contained for Clara's inspection.--Caroline perceived
+this, and said with a little reproof to Clara,
+
+"You curious child! Perhaps Marian would like to come and see the
+schoolroom before going down."
+
+"Oh, yes," said Clara; "you must come. You have not seen Miss Morley
+yet,--our governess,--poor, unfortunate, faithful Morley, as we always
+call her."
+
+This manner of mentioning the governess, and before Saunders too,
+greatly surprised Marian, and she felt little inclination to face
+another stranger; but she could think of no valid objection, and allowed
+herself and Gerald to be conducted down one of the flights of stairs
+into a passage less decorated than the rest of the house. Clara threw
+open a door, calling out, "Here they are!" and Marian found herself in
+the presence of a little, nicely dressed lady, who looked very little
+older than Caroline, and had a very good-natured face. Coming forward
+with a smile, she said, "Miss Arundel, I believe. I hope you are quite
+well, and not tired. Sir Gerald, how d'ye do? We shall be good friends,
+I am sure."
+
+Gerald shook hands, and Marian thought she ought to do so too; but it
+had not been her first impulse, and it was too late, so she only made
+a stiff bend of head and knee. Clara, happily unconscious of the
+embarrassment with which Marian had infected Caroline, went on talking
+fast and freely:
+
+"So, you see, this is the schoolroom. There is Caroline's desk, and here
+is mine; and we have made room for you here. I suppose you have a desk.
+And here are all our books, and our chiffonnière; Caroline has one side
+and I the other. Oh, I must show you my last birthday presents. Ah!
+aren't we lucky to have got such a nice view of the terrace and the
+portico from here! We can always see the people coming to dinner, and
+when the gentlemen go out riding, it is such fun, and--"
+
+"My dear Clara," interposed Miss Morley, seeing Marian's bewildered
+looks, "your cousin is not used to such a chatterbox. I assure you,
+Miss Arundel, that Clara has been quite wild for the last week with the
+prospect of seeing you. I have actually not known what to do with her."
+
+Marian gave one of her awkward smiles, and said nothing.
+
+"You left Devonshire this morning, I think?" said Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes, we did."
+
+"Fern Torr is in a very beautiful part of the country, is it not?"
+
+"Yes, very."
+
+They were getting on at this rate when Mrs. Lyddell came in, and took
+Marian and Gerald down to the drawing-room with her, as it was almost
+dinner time. No sooner had the door closed behind them, than governess
+and pupils at once exclaimed, "How pale!" "how shy!" "how awkward!"
+
+"I dare say that is only shyness," said Caroline, "but I must say I
+never saw anything so stiff and chilly."
+
+"Yes, that she is," said Clara, "but it's only shyness; I am sure she is
+a dear girl. But how white she is! I thought she would have been pretty,
+because they say the Arundels are all so handsome."
+
+"She has fine eyes," said Miss Motley; "and that dear little Sir Gerald,
+I am sure we shall all be in love with him."
+
+"Well, I hope we may get on better in time," said Caroline, taking up a
+book, and settling herself in a most luxurious attitude in spite of the
+unaccommodating furniture of the schoolroom.
+
+Marian recovered a little at dinner, and was not quite so monosyllabic
+in her replies. Her netting was a great resource when she went into the
+drawing-room after dinner, and she began to feel a little less rigid and
+confused, made some progress in acquaintance with Clara, and when she
+went to bed was not without hopes of, in time, liking both her and
+Caroline very much.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+  "A place where others are at home,
+  But all are strange to me."
+
+  _Lyra Innocentium._
+
+
+Marian began the next morning by wondering what a Sunday at Oakworthy
+would be like, but she was glad the formidable first meeting was over,
+and greeted Gerald cheerfully when he came into the room.
+
+After a few minutes a bell rang, and Marian, thinking it must be for
+family prayers, hastened into the passage, wondering at herself for
+not having asked last night where she was to go. She was glad to meet
+Caroline coming out of her room, and after quickly exchanging a "good
+morning," she said, "Was that the bell for prayers?"
+
+"No, it was for the servants' breakfast," said Caroline "and for ours in
+the schoolroom too."
+
+"But don't you have prayers in the morning?" said Gerald,
+
+"No," answered Caroline gravely.
+
+"Why not," the little boy was beginning but Marian pressed his hand
+to check him, shocked herself, and sorry for Caroline's sake that the
+question had been asked.
+
+Caroline spoke rather hurriedly, "I wish we could, but you see papa is
+out so often, and there are so many people staying here sometimes: and
+in London, papa is so late at the House--it is very unlucky, but it
+would not do, it is all so irregular."
+
+"What?" said Clara, hopping down stairs behind them. "O, about prayers!
+We have not had any in the school room since Miss Cameron's time."
+
+"Miss Cameron used to read a chapter and pray with us afterwards," said
+Caroline; "but when she was gone, mamma said she did not like the book
+she used."
+
+"Besides, it was three quarters out of her own head, and that wasn't
+fair, for she used to go on such a monstrous time," said Clara.
+
+"Hush, Clara," said her sister, "and mamma has never found a book she
+does think quite fit."
+
+"There's the Prayer Book," said Gerald.
+
+"O that is only for Church," said Clara, opening the schoolroom door;
+"O she is not here! Later than ever. Well, Marian, what do you think of
+her?"
+
+"Of whom?" asked Marian.
+
+"Of poor unfortunate faithful Morley," said Clara.
+
+"You call her so after Queen Anne?"
+
+"Yes," said Caroline, "and you will see how well the name suits her when
+you are fully initiated."
+
+"But does she like it?"
+
+"Like it?" and Clara fell into a violent fit of laughing, calling out to
+Lionel, who just then came in, "Here is Marian asking if we call Miss
+Morley 'poor unfortunate' whenever we speak to her."
+
+"She is coming," said Lionel, and Clara sunk her boisterous laughter
+into a titter, evident enough to occasion Miss Morley to ask what
+made them so merry, but the only answer she received was from Lionel,
+"Something funny," and then both he and Clara burst out again into
+laughter, his open, and hers smothered.
+
+Marian looked amazed. "Ah! you are not used to such ways," said the
+governess; "Clara and Lionel are sometimes sad creatures."
+
+Breakfast took a very long time, and before it was quite over, Mrs.
+Lyddell came in, spoke in her rapid, good-natured tone to Marian and
+Gerald, and remarked rather sharply to Miss Morley that she thought they
+grew later and later every Sunday. Nevertheless, no one went on at all
+the faster after she was gone. Miss Morley continued her talk with
+Caroline and Clara about some young friends of theirs in London, and
+Lionel and Johnny went on playing tricks with their bread and butter,
+accompanied by a sort of secret teasing of Clara. Nothing brought them
+absolutely to a conclusion till one of the servants appeared in order to
+take away the things, and unceremoniously bore away John's last piece of
+bread and cup of tea.
+
+Johnny looked up at the man and made a face at him; Miss Morley shook
+her head, and Caroline said, "How can you be so naughty, Johnny? it
+serves you quite right, and I only wish it happened every morning."
+
+"Come, Gerald, and see the ponies," said Lionel.
+
+"My dears," said Miss Morley, "you know your mamma never likes you to go
+out before Church especially to the stables; you only get hot, and you
+make us late with waiting for you."
+
+"Nobody asked you to wait for us," said John. "Come, Gerald."
+
+"No, I see Sir Gerald is a good little boy, and is coming steadily with
+us," said Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes, Gerald, do," said Marian.
+
+"There will be plenty of time by and by," said Gerald, sitting down
+again.
+
+"O very well," said John. "Well, if you won't, I will; I want to see
+Elliot's colt come in from exercising, and he will be sure to be there
+himself now."
+
+Lionel and Johnny ran off, Caroline looked distressed, and went out into
+the passage leaving the door open. Walter was coming along it, and as
+she met him, she said, "Walter, the boys are off to the stable again;
+we shall have just such a fuss as we had last Sunday if you cannot stop
+them. Is Elliot there again?"
+
+"I am afraid he is," said Walter.
+
+"Then there is no chance!" said Caroline, retreating; but at that moment
+Lionel and John came clattering down from their own distant abode at the
+top of the house. "Who likes to walk with me through, the plantations to
+Church?" said Walter; "I was coming to ask if you liked to show that way
+to Gerald."
+
+Lionel and John, who had a real respect for Walter, thought it best to
+keep silence on their disobedient designs, and accept the kind offer.
+Gerald gladly joined them, and off they set. Miss Morley, Caroline, and
+Clara, had all gone different ways, and Marian remained, leaning her
+forehead against the window, thinking what her own dear Sunday-school
+class were doing at Fern Torr, and feeling very disconsolate. She had
+stood in this manner for some minutes when Clara came to tell her it was
+time to prepare for Church, followed her to her room, and contrived to
+make more remarks on her dress than Marian could have thought could
+possibly have been bestowed on a plain black crape bonnet and mantle.
+
+Through all the rather long walk, Clara still kept close to her, telling
+who every one was, and talking incessantly, till she felt almost
+confused, and longed for the quietness of the church. Mr. Lyddell's pew
+was a high, square box, curtained round, with a table and a stove, so
+that she hardly felt as if she was in church, and she was surprised not
+to see Elliot Lyddell there.
+
+They had to walk quickly back after the service, dine hurriedly, and
+then set off again for the afternoon service. Miss Morley sighed, and
+said that the second long hot walk almost killed her, and she went so
+slowly that the schoolroom party all came in late. They found no one in
+the pew but Mrs. Lyndell and Walter, and Marian once more sighed and
+wondered.
+
+On coming home, Miss Morley went in to rest, but as it was now cool and
+pleasant, her pupils stayed out a little longer to show the park and
+garden. They were very desirous of making the Arundels admire all they
+saw, and Lionel and John were continually asking, "Have you anything
+like that at Fern Torr?"
+
+Gerald, jealous for the honor of home, was magnificent in his
+descriptions, and unconscious that he was talking rhodomontade.
+According to him, his park took in a whole mountain, his house was quite
+as large and much handsomer than Mr. Lyddell's, the garden was like the
+hanging gardens of Babylon, and greenhouses were never wanted there, for
+"all sorts of things" would grow in the open air. His cousins were so
+amazed that they would hardly attend to Marian's explanations, and
+thought her description of the myrtle, which reached to the top of the
+house, as fabulous as his hanging gardens.
+
+"And, Marian, what do you think of this place?" asked Clara.
+
+After some pressing, the following reply was extracted:--"It is so shut
+in with fir-trees, but I suppose you want them to hide the town, and
+there is nothing to see if they were away."
+
+"O Marian!" said Caroline, "when we showed you the beautiful view over
+the high gate."
+
+"But there was no hill, and no wood, and no water."
+
+"Did you not see Oakworthy Hill?"
+
+"That tame green thing!" said Marian.
+
+"The truth is," said Johnny, "that she likes it the best all the time,
+only she won't own it."
+
+"Nonsense, Johnny," replied Lionel, "every one likes their own
+home best, and I like Marian for not pretending to be polite and
+nonsensical."
+
+"And I tell you," said Gerald, "that you never saw anything so good as
+my Manor house in your whole life."
+
+Here they went in, and Marian gently said to Gerald as they came
+into her room, "I wish you would not say _my_, Gerald, it seems like
+boasting. My park--my house--"
+
+Gerald hung his head, and the colour came deeply into his cheeks.
+"Marian," said he, "you know how I wish it wasn't mine now," and the
+tears were in his eyes. "But they boast over me, and they ought not, for
+I'm Sir--"
+
+"Oh! hush, Gerald. You used never to like to hear yourself called so,
+because it put you in mind--. Yes, I know they boast; but this is not
+the way to stop them, it only makes them go on; and what does it signify
+to you? it does not make this place really better than home."
+
+"Yes, but I want them to know it."
+
+"But you should not want to set yourself up above them. If you don't
+answer, and, let them say what nonsense they please, it would be the
+best way, and the right way, and so you would humble yourself, which is
+what we must all do Gerald."
+
+Gerald was silenced, but looked dissatisfied; however, there was no
+more time to talk, for Clara came to say that tea was almost ready, and
+Marian rang for Saunders. Gerald looked as if he was meditating when
+first they sat down to tea, and after some little time he abruptly
+began, "I don't like your church at all. It is just like a room, and
+nobody makes any noise."
+
+"Nobody makes any noise," repeated Caroline, smiling; "is that Fern Torr
+fashion?"
+
+"I do not mean exactly a noise," said Gerald, "but people read their
+verse of the psalm, and say Amen, and all that, quite loud. They don't
+leave it all to the clerk in his odd voice."
+
+Lionel mimicked the clerk so drolly, that in spite of "Don't, my dear,"
+and "O! Lionel," nobody could help laughing; and Johnny added an
+imitation of the clerk at their church in London. After the mirth was
+over, Gerald went on, "Why does not every one say Amen here?"
+
+"Like so many charity children," said Lionel, with a nasal drawl.
+
+"No, indeed!" cried Gerald, indignantly; "Edmund does it, and
+everybody."
+
+"Everybody! as if you could tell, who never went to church in your life,
+except at that little poky place," said Johnny,
+
+Gerald's colour rose, but Marian's eye met his, and he remembered what
+she had said, and answered quietly, "I don't know whether Fern Torr is
+poky, but it is a place where people are taught to behave well."
+
+"Capital, Gerald, excellent!" cried Caroline, laughing heartily, "that
+is a hit, Lionel, for you!" while Gerald looked round him, amazed at the
+applause with which his speech, made in all simplicity, was received.
+
+As soon as tea was over, Miss Morley called Lionel and John to repeat
+the Catechism, and added doubtfully, "Perhaps Sir Gerald would rather
+wait for next Sunday."
+
+"O no, thank you," said Marian, "we always say it."
+
+"You need not, Marian," said Caroline, "we never do, only it would be so
+troublesome for the boys to have to learn it at school."
+
+"I should like to say it if Miss Morley has no objection," said Marian.
+
+"Oh! yes, certainly," was the answer. "See, Lionel, there is an example
+for you."
+
+Marian and Gerald stood upright, with their hands behind them, just as
+they had stood every Sunday since they could speak; Lionel was astride
+on the music stool, spinning round and round, and Johnny balancing
+himself with one leg on the floor, and one hand on the window sill. When
+the first question was asked, the grave voice that replied, "Edmund
+Gerald," was drowned in a loud shout--
+
+  "Jack Lyddell, Jack Lyddell,
+  Shall play on the fiddle"--
+
+evidently an old worn out joke, brought to life again in the hope of
+making the grave cousins laugh, instead of which they stood aghast. Miss
+Morley only said imploringly, "Now, Johnny, my dear boy, _do_," and
+proceeded to the next question. Throughout the two boys were careless
+and painfully irreverent, and the governess, annoyed and ashamed,
+hurried on as fast as she could, in order to put an end to the
+unpleasant scene. When it was over she greatly admired the correctness
+of Gerald's answers, seeming to think it extraordinary that he should
+not have made a single mistake; whereas Marian would have been surprised
+if he had. Gerald whispered to his sister as they went down to the
+drawing-room, "Would it not be fun to see what Mr. Wortley would say to
+Lionel and Johnny, if he had them in his class?"
+
+On Monday, Marian and Gerald began to fall into the habits of the place,
+and to learn the ways of their cousins, though it was many years before
+they could be said really to understand them.
+
+Of their guardian himself, they found they should see very little, for
+their four schoolroom companions, his own children, had but little
+intercourse with him. Sometimes, indeed, Johnny, who enjoyed the
+privileges of the youngest, would make a descent upon him, and obtain
+some pleasure or some present, or at least a game of play; and sometimes
+Lionel fell into great disgrace, and was brought to him for reproof, but
+Caroline and Clara only saw him now and then in the evening, and never
+seemed to look to him as the friend and approver that Marian thought all
+fathers were. As to Miss Morley, she had only spoken twice to him since
+she had been in the house.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell seemed supreme in everything at home. She was quick,
+active, and clever, an excellent manager, nor was she otherwise than
+very kind in word and deed; and Marian could by no means understand the
+cause of the mixture of dread and repugnance with which she regarded
+her. Perhaps it was, that though not harsh, her manner wanted
+gentleness; her tones were not soft, and she would cut off answers
+before they were half finished. Her bright, clear, cold, blue eye had
+little of sympathy in it, and every look and tone showed that she
+expected implicit obedience, to commands, which were far from unpleasant
+in themselves, though rendered ungracious by the want of softness and
+mildness with which they were given. Marian often wondered, apart from
+the principle, how her cousins, and even Miss Morley, could venture to
+disregard orders given in that decided manner; but she soon perceived
+that they trusted to Mrs. Lyddell's multifarious occupations, which kept
+her from knowing all their proceedings with exactness, and left them a
+good deal at liberty.
+
+Marian was disposed to like Miss Morley, with her gentle voice and kind
+manner, but she was much surprised at her letting things go on among her
+pupils, which she must have known to be wrong in themselves, as well as
+against express commands of Mrs. Lyddell. Once or twice when she heard
+her talking to Clara, she said to herself, "Would not mamma say that was
+silly?" but at any rate it was a great thing to have a person of whom
+she was not in the least shy or afraid, and who set her quite at her
+ease in the schoolroom.
+
+The first business on Monday morning, after the little boys had gone off
+for two hours to a tutor, was an examination into Marian's attainments,
+beginning with French and Italian reading and translation, in which she
+acquitted herself very well till Mrs. Lyddell came in, and put her in
+such a state of trepidation that she no longer knew what she was about.
+In truth, Marian's education had been rather irregular in consequence
+of her father's illness, and its effect had been to give her a general
+cultivation of mind, and appreciation of excellence, to train her to do
+her best, and fed an eagerness for information, but without instructing
+her in that routine of knowledge for which Mrs. Lyddell and Miss Morley
+looked. She was not ready in answering questions, even upon what she
+knew perfectly well; she had no tables of names and dates at finger's
+ends, and when she saw that every one thought her backward and ignorant,
+the feeling that she was not doing justice to her mamma's teaching added
+to her confusion, her mistakes and puzzles increased, and at last she
+was almost ready to cry. At that moment Caroline said, "Mamma, you have
+not seen Marian's drawings yet. Do fetch them, Marian."
+
+The drawings served in some degree to save Marian in the opinion; at
+least, of Miss Morley: for an artist-like hand and eye were almost an
+inheritance in the Arundel family, and teaching her had been a great
+amusement to Sir Edmund. Miss Morley and Caroline thought her drawings
+wonderful; but Mrs. Lyddell, who had never learnt to draw, was, as
+Marian quickly perceived, unable to distinguish the merits from the
+faults, and was only commending them in order to reassure her. Her music
+was the next subject of inquiry, and here again she did not shine, for
+practising had been out of the question during the last two years of her
+father's life; but as she could not bear to offer this as an excuse,
+she only said she knew she could hardly play at all, but she hoped to
+improve. To her great relief, Mrs. Lyddell did not stay to listen to
+her performance, but went away, leaving her to Miss Morley, who found
+something to commend in her taste and touch.
+
+When the business of learning actually commenced, Marian grew more
+prosperous; for she had the good custom of giving her whole attention,
+and learnt therefore fast and correctly. Her exercise was very well
+done; her arithmetic, in which Edmund had helped her, was almost beyond
+Miss Morley's knowledge; and she was quite at home in the history they
+were reading aloud. Moreover, when they came to talk of what they had
+read, it proved that Marian was well acquainted with many books which
+were still only names to Caroline; and when Gerald came in with his
+books, his reference to her showed that she knew as much Latin as he
+did.
+
+They dined in the schoolroom at half-past one, then took a walk on the
+long, dull, white road, and came back at a little past four; after which
+the girls had each to practise for an hour, to look over some lessons
+for the next day, and to dress; but all the rest of their time was at
+their own disposal. There was to be a dinner-party that evening, and
+Clara advised her not to dress till after tea. "For we don't go down
+till after dinner," said she, "and I don't like to miss seeing the
+people come. Gerald, you had better get ready, though, for you boys
+always go down before."
+
+"Must I?" said Gerald.
+
+"O yes, that we must!" said Lionel; "and you will see how Johnny there
+likes to be petted by all the old ladies, and called their pretty dear."
+
+Johnny rushed upon his brother, and there was a skirmish between them,
+during which Miss Morley vainly exclaimed by turns, "Now Lionel!" and
+"Now Johnny!" It ended by John's beginning to cry, Lionel laughing
+at him, and declaring that he had done nothing to hurt him, and both
+walking off rather sullenly to dress for the evening. Gerald was bent on
+the same errand; and no sooner was he gone than Miss Morley, Caroline,
+and Clara all broke out into loud praises of him. He was so docile, he
+shut the door so gently, he seemed so very clever. He had quite won Miss
+Morley's heart by running back to the schoolroom to fetch her parasol
+for her when she found she had left it behind; Caroline admired him for
+being so merry and playful without rudeness, and Clara chimed in with
+them both. All expressed wonder at not finding him a spoiled child; and
+this, though the praises gratified Marian greatly, rather offended her
+in her secret soul; and she wondered too that Caroline and Clara seemed
+disposed to make the very worst of their own little brothers, so as to
+set off Gerald's perfections by force of contrast.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell came in while they were still talking. She was beautifully
+dressed, and looked very handsome, and, in Marian's eyes, very
+formidable; but she sat down and joined heartily in the praises of
+Gerald, till Marian thought, "What could they have expected poor Gerald
+to be, if they are so amazed at finding him the dear good little fellow
+he is!" It was in fact true that he was an agreeable surprise, for as
+an only son--a great treasure--and coming so early to his title, he
+was exactly the child whom all would have presumed most likely to be
+spoiled; and his ready obedience struck the Lyddells as no less unusual
+than those habits in which he had been trained, in consequence of the
+necessity of stillness during Sir Edmund's long illness. It was more
+natural to him to shut the door quietly than to bang it, to speak than
+to shout, and to amuse himself tranquilly in the house than to make a
+great uproar. He was courteous, too, and obliging; and though Lionel and
+Johnny were in consequence inclined to regard him as a "carpet knight so
+trim," the ladies fully appreciated these good qualities. Mrs. Lyddell
+perhaps made the more of her satisfaction, because she was conscious of
+not liking his sister's stiff, formal, frightened manners.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell waited till the boys came from dressing, and took them all
+three down with her. Clara sat down in the window-seat to watch the
+arrivals, as soon as she had recovered from her amazement at hearing
+that Marian had not been in a house with a dinner-party since Gerald was
+born. "Is it possible!" she went on saying, and then bursting into a
+laugh, till Caroline said sharply, "How can you be so silly, Clara! you
+know the reason perfectly well."
+
+"But it is so odd," continued Clara. "Why, we are never a week without a
+party, and sometimes two!"
+
+"Hush," said Caroline, "or I shall never finish my Italian."
+
+The little boys came up to tea; Gerald would not make much answer when
+Clara asked if the ladies had talked to him, but Johnny looked cross,
+and Lionel reported "it was because his nose was put out of joint."
+Coming up to Marian, to whom he seemed to have taken a fancy, Lionel
+further explained confidentially how all the ladies made a fuss with
+Johnny, and admired his yellow curls, and called him the rose-bud, and
+all sorts of stuff; and how Johnny liked to go down in his fine crimson
+velvet, and show off, and have all his nonsense praised, "And the pretty
+dear is so jealous," said Lionel, "that he can't bear any one to say one
+word to poor me--oh no!"
+
+"Why, do you wish for them to do so?" said Marian.
+
+"Oh no, not I--I never did; and I'm glad I'm grown too big and ugly for
+them. I always get as near Elliot as I can and try to hear if they are
+saying any thing about the hunt; and the ladies never trouble their
+heads about what is good for any thing, so they never talk to me."
+
+"That is no great compliment to Gerald," said Marian.
+
+"Ah! you'll soon see. If there is any fun in him, they will soon cast
+him off; but now he is new, and he has not found them out yet, and they
+_do_ dearly like to say Sir Gerald; so Johnny is regularly thrown out,
+and that is what makes him look sulky."
+
+"Well, but it is using him very ill to desert him for Gerald," said
+Marian.
+
+"Oh, they won't desert him. They like mamma's good dinners too well for
+that; only Johnny can't bear any one else to be taken notice of. Trust
+the county member's son for their making much of him."
+
+"But that applies to you too, Lionel."
+
+"Ay, and I could soon get their civility if I cared for it," said Lionel
+grandly. "But I know well enough what it is worth. Why, there is Walter,
+who is the best of us all--nobody cares one straw for him, except
+Caroline and--"
+
+"And you?" asked Marian.
+
+"Why--why--yes, if he was not so much of a parson already."
+
+"Oh, Lionel!" said Marian, shocked; and he turned it rather hastily into
+"I mean, he is not up to any thing; he does not shoot, and he does not
+care for dogs, or horses; nothing but books for ever."
+
+A summons to the tea-table put an end to Lionel's communications, which
+had so amazed Marian that she could do nothing but ponder on them all
+the time that Clara would leave her in quiet.
+
+The going into the drawing-room was to her a most awful affair; and
+Saunders seemed to be very anxious about it, brushing and settling her
+hair, and arranging the plain black frock, as if she would never have
+done; seeming, too, not a little worried by Clara, who chose to look on
+at all her proceedings. At last it was over Marian wished Gerald good
+night, and descended with her two cousins and Miss Morley. Caroline
+and Clara were in blue, Miss Morley in white; and as they entered just
+opposite to a long pier glass, Marian thought that with her white face,
+straight dark hair, and deep mourning dress, she looked like a blot
+between them, and wished to shrink out of sight, instead of being
+conspicuous in blackness.
+
+The ladies came in a few minutes after, and Caroline and Clara went
+forward, shaking hands, smiling, and replying in a way which was by no
+means forward, and with ease that to Marian was marvellous. If people
+would but be kind enough not to look at her! But Mrs. Lyddell was a
+great deal too civil for that too come to pass, and presently Marian was
+called and introduced to two ladies. She was seated between them, and
+they began talking to her in a patronising manner; telling her they
+remembered her dear mamma at her age; saying that they had seen her
+brother, and congratulating her on having two such delightful companions
+as the Miss Lyddells. Then they asked about Devonshire; and as Marian's
+cold short replies let every subject fall to the ground in a moment,
+they proceeded to inquire whether she could play. Truth required her to
+confess that she could, a very little; and then they begged to hear her.
+Poor Marian! this was too much. She felt as if she was in a horrible
+mist, and drawing up her head as she always did in embarrassment, she
+repeated, "Indeed, indeed I cannot!" protestations which her tormentors
+would not believe, and which grew every moment more ungracious, as, to
+augment her distress, she saw that Mrs. Lyddell was observing her. At
+the moment when she was looking most upright and rigid, Caroline came to
+her relief. The same request had just been made to her, and she came to
+propose to Marian to join in the one thing she knew she could play--a
+duet which she had that morning been practising with Clara. It was very
+kind, and Marian knew it; for Caroline had said that she never liked
+that duet, and was heartily tired of it; but all the acknowledgement her
+strange bashfulness would allow her to make was a grateful look, and a
+whisper, "Oh, thank you!"
+
+Afterwards one of the young lively visitors sang, and Marian, who had
+never heard much music, was quite delighted; her stiff company-face
+relaxed, a tear came to her eyes, and she sat with parted lips,
+forgetting all her fears and all the party till the singing was over,
+and Caroline touched her, and told her it was bed-time. Marian wondered
+to see how well Caroline and Clara managed to escape without being
+observed; but she marvelled at their going to bed so much as if it was a
+thing of course to have no "good night" from father or mother. When they
+were outside the door, in the hall, Marian, her heart still full of the
+music, could not help exclaiming, "How beautiful!"
+
+"What? Miss Bernard's singing?" said Clara. "I declare, Caroline, Marian
+was very nearly crying! I saw you were, Marian."
+
+"She does sing very nicely," said Caroline, "but that song does not suit
+her voice. It is too high."
+
+"And she makes faces," said Clara, "she strains her throat; and she has
+such great fingers--I could never cry at Miss Bernard's singing, I am
+sure."
+
+Marian did not like this. "Good night," said she, abruptly.
+
+"You are not vexed, are you?" said Clara, kindly. "I did not think you
+would mind my noticing your crying. Don't be angry, Marian."
+
+"Oh, no, I am not at all angry," said Marian, trying to speak with ease,
+but she did not succeed well. Her "good nights," had in them a tone as
+if she was annoyed, as in fact she was; though not at all in the way
+Clara supposed. She did not care for the notice of her tears, but she
+said to herself, "This is what Edmund calls destroying the illusion. If
+they would but have let me go to bed with the spell of that song resting
+on me!"
+
+She sighed with a feeling of relief and yet of weariness as she came
+into her own room, and found Saunders there. Saunders looked rather
+melancholy, but said nothing for the first two or three minutes; then as
+she combed Marian's hair straight over her face, she began, "I hope you
+enjoyed yourself, Miss Marian?"
+
+"Oh, Saunders," said Marian, "I'm very tired; I don't think I shall ever
+enjoy myself anywhere but at home."
+
+"Ah--hem--ah," coughed Saunders, solemnly; then, after waiting for some
+observation from Marian, and hearing only a long yawn and a sigh, she
+went on. "Prettily different is this place from home."
+
+"Indeed it is," said Marian, from her heart.
+
+"Such finery as I never thought to see below stairs, Miss Marian. I am
+sure the Manor House was a pattern to all the country round for comfort
+for the servants, and I should know something about it; but here--such
+a number of them, such eating and drinking all day long, and the very
+kitchen maids in such bonnets and flowers on Sundays, as would perfectly
+have shocked Mrs. White. And they are so ignorant. Fancy, Miss Marian,
+that fine gentleman the butler declaring he could not understand me, and
+that I spoke with a foreign accent! I speak French indeed!"
+
+"But, Saunders," said Marian, rather diverted, "you do speak Devonshire
+a little."
+
+"Well, Miss Marian, perhaps I may; I only know 'tisn't for them to
+boast, for they speak so funny I can't hardly make them out; and with
+my own ears I have heard that same Mr. Perkins himself calling you Miss
+Harundel. But that is not all. Why, not half of them ever go to church
+on a Sunday; and as to Mrs. Mitten, the housekeeper, not a bit does she
+care whether they do or not; and no wonder, when Mr. Lyddell himself
+never goes in the afternoon, and has gentlemen to speak to him. And then
+down at the stables--'tis a pretty set of drinking, good-for-nothing
+fellows there. I hope from my heart Sir Gerald won't be for getting down
+there among them; but they say Master Lionel and Master John are always
+there. And that Mr. Elliot--"
+
+In this manner Saunders discoursed all the while she was putting Marian
+to bed. Both she and her young lady wore doing what had much better have
+been let alone. Saunders had no business to carry complaints and gossip,
+Marian ought not to have listened to them; but the truth was that
+Saunders was an old attached confidential servant, who had come to
+Oakworthy, more because she could not bear to let her young master and
+mistress go entirely alone and unfriended among strangers, than because
+it would be prudent to save a little more before becoming Mrs. David
+Chapple. Fern Torr was absolute perfection in her eyes; and had the
+household at Oakworthy been of superior excellence, she would have found
+fault with everything in which it differed from the Manor House. Her
+heart was full; and to Miss Marian, her young lady, a Fern Torrite, a
+Devonian like herself, she must needs pour it out, where she had no
+other friend. On the other hand, Saunders was still in Marian's eyes a
+superior person--an authority--one whom she could never dream of keeping
+in order, or restraining; and here a friend, a counsellor, the only
+person, except Gerald, who had known the dear home.
+
+So a foundation was laid for confidences from Saunders, which were not
+likely to improve Marian's contentment. When she had bidden her maid
+good night, and sat thinking before she knelt down to say her prayers,
+she felt bewildered; her head seemed giddy with the strangeness of this
+new world; she knew not what in it was right and what was wrong; all
+that she knew was, that she felt lonely and dreary, and as if it could
+never be home. Her heart seemed to reach out for her mother's embrace
+and support, and then Marian sank down on her knees, rested her face on
+her arms, and while the tears began to flow, she murmured, "OUR FATHER,
+Which art in heaven."
+
+Soon after, her weary head was on her pillow, and the dim grey light of
+the summer night showed the quiet peace and calmness that had settled on
+her sleeping face.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+  "That is not home where, day by day,
+  I wear the busy hours away."
+
+
+In a short time, Marian had settled into her place at Oak Worthy, lost
+some part of her shyness towards the inhabitants, and arrived at the
+terms which seemed likely to continue between her and her cousins.
+
+There was much that was very excellent about Caroline Lyddell; she had
+warm feeling, an amiable and obliging disposition, and great sweetness
+of temper; and when first Marian arrived she intended to do all in her
+power to make her at home, and be like a sister to her. But she did not
+understand reserve; and before Marian had got over her first shyness
+and awkwardness, Caroline felt herself repulsed, and ceased to make
+demonstrations of affection which met with no better response. Marian
+made none on her side; and so the two cousins remained very obliging and
+courteous to each other, but nothing more.
+
+Clara had begun by making herself Marian's inseparable companion in
+rather a teasing manner, caressing her continually, and always wanting
+to do whatever she was doing; but as novelty was the great charm
+in Clara's eyes, and as she met with no very warm return to her
+endearments, all this soon wore off; and though she always came to
+Marian whenever she had any bit of news to tell,--though she often
+confided to her little complaints of the boys or Miss Morley,--this was
+no great compliment, for she would have done the same to anything that
+had ears. Her talk was no longer, as it had been at first, exclusively
+for Marian; and this wag rather a relief, for it was not at all like the
+talk Marian was used to with Agnes or with Edmund.
+
+Young and unformed as Marian was, it would be hard to believe how much,
+without knowing it, she missed the intercourse with superior minds, to
+which she had been accustomed. It was just as her eye was dissatisfied
+with the round green chalk hills, instead of the rocks and streams of
+her own dear home; or as she felt weary of the straight, formal walks
+she now took, instead of her dear old rambles,
+
+  "Over bank and over brae,
+  Where the copsewood is the greenest,
+  Where the fountain glistens sheenest,
+  Where the lady-fern grows strongest,
+  Where the morning dew lies longest."
+
+Edmund's high spirits, Agnes' playful glee,--how delightful they were!
+and though Marian often laughed now, it was not as she had laughed at
+home. Then, too, she grew shy of making remarks, or asking questions,
+when Clara had nothing to say but "How odd!" or Miss Morley would give
+some matter-of-fact answer, generally either quite beside the point, or
+else what Marian know before. Caroline understood what she meant, and
+would take up the subject, but not always in a satisfactory manner; for
+she and Marian always seemed to have quite opposite ways of viewing
+every thing. Each felt that the other had more serious thoughts and
+principles than most of those around them, but yet their likings and
+dislikings were very different in the matter of books. "Anna Ross" was
+almost the only one of Caroline's favourites that Marian cordially
+liked; and this, as Caroline suspected, might he owing to a certain
+analogy between Anna's situation and her own, by no means flattering to
+the Lyddell family. It was wonderful how many were the disparities
+of tastes, views, and opinions between them; but the root of these
+differences seemed undiscoverable, since Marian would not or could not
+argue, replied to all objections with a dry, short, "I don't know," and
+adhered unalterably to her own way of thinking.
+
+Miss Morley settled the matter by pronouncing that Sir Edmund and Lady
+Arundel must have been very narrow-minded people; and this judgment was
+so admired by Caroline and Clara, that it was sure to be brought forward
+as conclusive, whenever Marian was the subject of conversation. At last
+Lionel broke in one day, "Stuff! Marian is a good, sensible, downright
+girl, and it is my belief that all that you mean by narrow-mindedness is
+that she cares for what is right, and nothing else."
+
+"How much you know about it, Lionel!" said Clara, laughing; but Caroline
+answered in earnest, "There is reason in what you say, Lionel--Marian
+does care for what is right; but the question is, whether her views of
+it are not narrow?"
+
+"The narrower the better, say I," said Lionel, as he plaited his
+whip-lash.
+
+"Strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, that leadeth unto life,"
+came into Caroline's head, and she stood thoughtful. Clara exclaimed,
+"Well done, Lionel! I wonder what he'll say next to defend his dear
+Marian."
+
+"I know what I mean well enough," said Lionel. "I suppose you call it
+being broad-minded to trace your drawings through against the window,
+when mamma goes on telling you not. Better have her narrow mind, say I."
+
+"Then why don't you," said Clara, "instead of going down to the stables
+for ever with that man of Elliot's that mamma said you were never to
+speak to?"
+
+Lionel whisked his whip-lash before Clara's eyes, so as to make her
+wink. "I did not say I was good myself;" said he; "I said Marian was."
+And he ran out of the room.
+
+Clara laughed at Lionel's admiration of Marian, which had begun to be
+a joke in the schoolroom; but Caroline, as she practised her music,
+thought a good deal over the conversation. "Is a narrow mind really a
+fear of doing wrong?" was a question she asked herself several
+times; and then she thought of all the things she had heard called
+narrow-minded and scrupulous in Marian or others, but she soon found
+herself lost in a mist, and wished she could talk it over with her
+former governess, Miss Cameron. As to what Lionel had said about the
+drawing, she was conscious she was very wrong; her mamma had called it
+an idle practice to trace the outline through against the glass, and
+had forbidden it; but a difficulty had soon brought her back to the
+window-pane, exclaiming, "Just for this one thing, I am sure mamma would
+not object."
+
+"If Miss Cameron had been here, it would not have happened," said
+Caroline to herself with a sigh, and for a few days she kept away from
+the window; but another difficulty occurred, again she yielded to the
+temptation, and whoa she heard her mother's step in the passage, hurried
+back to her desk with guilty precipitation. A few days after, Clara was
+actually caught in the fact by Mrs. Lyddell, and then Miss Morley began
+making an excuse, evidently quite as much out of kindness to herself as
+to her pupil. Marian looked up in surprise, with a wondering, inquiring
+expression in her eyes. They were cast down the instant the governess
+turned towards her; but Miss Morley always felt abashed, by meeting that
+look of astonishment, which awoke in her a sensation of self-reproach
+such as she had seldom known before.
+
+Miss Morley was a little afraid of Marian's eyes, though not of her in
+any other respect; nor did she like her much better than Caroline did,
+though she gave her much less trouble than any of her other pupils,
+except Caroline. Those questions and observations puzzled her, and she
+thought the poor child had been reading books beyond her years--it was
+such a great disadvantage to be an only daughter. Besides, she really
+believed Marian Arundel had no affection for any one,--no warmth of
+feeling; she would ten times prefer a less diligent and more troublesome
+pupil, in whom she could take some interest, and who showed some
+affection, to one so steady and correct in behaviour, without the frank
+openness of heart which was so delightful. To make up, however, for this
+general want of liking for poor Marian, on the other hand, every one was
+fond of Gerald. His behaviour in the schoolroom was so very nice and
+good, and out of doors his climbing, running, and riding were no less
+admired by his contemporaries. Now and then, indeed, a dispute arose
+between him and the other two boys, when Gerald criticised, and declared
+that "Edmund and everybody" thought as he did; or when he would try to
+outdo the sporting exploits reported of Elliot, by Edmund's shooting at
+Fern Torr. One day there was a very serious quarrel, Gerald having
+taken up the cause of an unfortunate frog, which Lionel and Johnny were
+proposing to hunt, by rolling their marbles at it.
+
+Gerald declared they should not, that frogs were harmless, innocent
+creatures, and that Edmund and everybody liked them. This only made
+Lionel and Johnny more determined; partly from the absurdity of Gerald's
+appeal, and partly for the sake of mischief; and Gerald was overpowered,
+unable to save his protégé, and obliged to witness its cruel death. He
+burst into tears, and then, came the accusation of crying for a frog.
+Poor little boy, he burst away from his tormentors, and never stopped
+till, he was safe in his sister's room pouring out his grief to her
+and Saunders (for it was her dressing-time), and comforted by their
+sympathising horror and pity.
+
+Saunders said it gave her a turn, and Marian's feelings were much of the
+same nature. She could not have thought it of Lionel. He was, indeed,
+reckless and unruly; by reputation _the_ naughty one of the set; but
+Marian had often thought that much of Johnny's misbehaviour was unjustly
+charged on him, and there was an honesty about him, together with a
+cordiality towards herself, which made her like him. And that he should
+have been wantonly cruel!
+
+She comforted Gerald as well as she could, and they went back to the
+schoolroom together. Lionel, as he often did, brought her a knot in a
+piece of string to be untied; she felt almost ready to shrink from him,
+as capable of such a deed, and gave it back to him after untying it,
+without a word. Lionel stood leaning against the shutter looking at her
+for some minutes, while she fetched her books, and sat down to learn her
+lessons. Tea came in; and while there was something of a bustle, and all
+the others were talking, and engaged in different ways, Lionel crossed
+over to her and said in a low voice, "So Gerald has made you angry with
+me?"
+
+"No; but Lionel, I could not have thought you would have done such a
+thing."
+
+"'Twas only a frog," said Lionel; "besides, I only did it to tease
+Gerald."
+
+"I do not see that that makes it any better," said Marian, gravely.
+
+"Why, Gerald was so ridiculous, to say Edmund and everybody liked frogs;
+but I didn't--I only mean that, if he had not made a fuss, I would never
+have hurt the frog, and I did not mean to kill it as it was; so never
+mind, Marian. I'll tell you what, Marian," added he, sinking his voice,
+"I'd rather Caroline and Clara, and poor unfortunate into the bargain,
+scolded me till they were black in the face, than that you looked at me
+as you did just now."
+
+"Did I?" said Marian, rather alarmed. "I am sure I did not know I looked
+anyhow."
+
+"Didn't you, though? It is just the way you look at poor unfortunate
+when she sports her humbug."
+
+"Hush, Lionel! this will never do. You know you ought not to talk in
+that way," said Marian, rising to put an end to the conversation.
+
+"But we have made it up?" said Lionel, holding her dress.
+
+"Yes, yes," said Marian hastily, and with full forgiveness in look
+and tone. As she took her place at the tea-table, she wondered within
+herself what was the matter with her eyes to cause such remarks, and
+still more why she could not help liking Lionel so much the best of her
+cousins, in spite of all the naughtiness of word and deed, which shocked
+her so much.
+
+The nest day she was walking in the garden with Clara, when Gerald came
+running up, with an entreaty that she would come and have a game at
+cricket with him and Lionel. Clara exclaimed, laughed, and stared in
+amazement.
+
+"She plays famously," said Gerald; "she, and Agnes, and I, beat all the
+other Wortleys one day last summer. Come, Marian, don't say no; we have
+not had a game for a very long time."
+
+"Who is playing?" asked Marian.
+
+"Only Lionel and me; Johnny is out with Mrs. Lyddell Come, we want you
+very much indeed; there's a good girl."
+
+To Clara's astonishment and Lionel's admiration, Marian complied; and
+though, of course, no great cricketer, her skill was sufficient to
+make her a prodigy in their eyes. But the game was brought to a sudden
+conclusion by Miss Morley, who, seeing them from the window, came out
+very much shocked, and gave the girls a lecture on decorum, which Marian
+felt almost as an insult.
+
+When they went in, Gerald told Saunders the whole adventure; and she,
+who at Fern Torr had been inclined to the same opinion as Miss Morley,
+and had often sighed and declared it to be unlike young ladies when
+Marian and Agnes had played, now agreed with him that it was very hard
+on Miss Marian not to have a little exercise, lamented that she should
+always be cooped up in the schoolroom, and declared that there could be
+no harm in playing with such a little boy as Master Lionel.
+
+The most unpleasant result was, that Miss Morley and the cousins took an
+impression that Agnes Wortley must be a vulgar romp, and were inclined
+to think her an unsuitable friend for Marian. Their curiosity was
+excited by the frequent letters between the two friends. Marian always
+read those which she received with the utmost eagerness, hardly ever
+telling any part of their contents, but keeping them to be enjoyed with
+Gerald in her own room; and half her leisure moments were employed in
+filling fat, black-edged envelopes, which were sent off at least as
+often as once a week.
+
+"I wonder what she says about us!" said Clara, one day.
+
+"I don't think it would suit you," said Caroline; "I should not think
+she painted us _couleur de rose_."
+
+"Except Lionel," said Clara, "if their admiration is mutual. But, by the
+by, Miss Morley, why do you not desire to see her letters? You always
+look at mine."
+
+"She is not quite in the same situation," said Miss Morley.
+
+"But could not you?" continued Clara. "It would be very entertaining
+only to look for once."
+
+"And I think it would be only proper," said Caroline. "Who knows what
+she may say of us to these dear friends of hers?"
+
+The subject was not allowed to drop; the girls' curiosity led them to
+find numerous reasons why their cousin's correspondence should not pass
+without examination, and Miss Morley found she must either endure their
+importunity, or yield to it. She was driven to choose the part of the
+oppressor; and one day, when Clara had been tormenting her more than
+usual, she addressed Marian, who was folding up a letter. "I think,"
+said she, speaking in a timid, deprecating tone--"I think, Marian, if
+you please, it might be as well, perhaps, if I were sometimes to look
+over your letters; it has always been the custom here."
+
+Then; was no encouragement to proceed in the look of blank amazement
+with which Marian replied, "Edmund Arundel and Mr. Lyddell both approve
+of my writing to Agnes Wortley."
+
+"Ah!" interposed Clara; "but did they mean that your letters should
+never be looked over?"
+
+"I heard nothing about it," said Marian.
+
+"Miss Cameron always looked over mine," said Caroline.
+
+"I will ask Mr. Lyddell himself as soon as he comes home," said Marian,
+determinedly.
+
+There was a pause, but Caroline and Clara did not look satisfied. Miss
+Morley knew they would leave her no peace if she desisted, and she went
+on,--"I wish I could sometimes see a proof of willingness to yield."
+
+Marian was out of patience, and putting her letter into the desk, locked
+it up; and Caroline laughingly remarked, "Really, there must be some
+treason in that letter!" If the observation had been taken as it was
+meant, all would have been well; but Marian bit her lip with an air that
+convinced the sisters that Caroline had hit the mark; and their glances
+stimulated Miss Morley to say, as decidedly as she could, "Marian, your
+present conduct convinces me that it is desirable that I should see that
+letter."
+
+Marian's dark eyes gave one indignant flash, as she proudly drew up her
+head, opened her desk, laid her letter on the table before Miss Morley,
+and slowly walked out of the room; but as soon as she had shut the door,
+she ran at full speed along the passage to her own room, where, throwing
+herself on the bed, she gave way to a fit of violent weeping, and sobs
+which shook her whole frame. Proud, passionate feelings at first almost
+choked her, and soon these were followed by a flood of the bitter tears
+of loneliness and bereavement. "Who would have dared insult her thus,
+had her father and mother been living?" and for a minute her agony for
+their loss was more intense than it had ever been. Gradually, "the
+turbid waters brightening as they ran," became soothing, as she dwelt on
+the sweet, holy memory of her parents, and wholesome as she mourned over
+her fit of pride and anger. But for what were they accountable, whose
+selfish weakness and thoughtless curiosity had caused the orphan's tears
+to flow?
+
+Caroline had not seen those flashing eyes without an instant perception
+of the injustice of the accusation. Her half-jesting speech had led
+the matter much further than she had intended; and alarmed at the
+consequences, she ran after her cousin to entreat her pardon; but
+Marian, unconscious of all save the tumult within herself, hurried on
+too fast to be overtaken, and just as Caroline reached her door, had
+shut it fast, and drawn the bolt, and a gentle knock and low call of
+"Marian, dear Marian," were lost in the first burst of sobs. Caroline,
+baffled and offended, turned away with feelings even more painful than
+hers; and too proud to repeat the call, walked up and down, waiting till
+the door should be opened, to assure her cousin that nothing should
+induce her to touch the letter, and to beg her forgiveness; but as
+minutes passed away in silence, she grew tired of waiting, thought
+Marian sullen and passionate, and at length, returned to the schoolroom.
+As soon as she entered, Clara exclaimed, "O Caroline, only think, how
+odd--"
+
+"I don't want to hear anything about it," said Caroline, sitting down to
+the piano; "I wish we had never thought of it."
+
+She began, playing with all her might, but gradually she abated her
+vehemence, as she caught a few sounds of a conversation between Clara
+and Miss Morley. At last she turned round, asking, "What? who is his
+godfather?"
+
+"Mr. Arundel, 'Edmund and every body,' you know," answered Clara. "I
+never heard anything like it. Only fancy his hearing that boy say his
+catechism!"
+
+"What? I don't understand," said Caroline; "Mr. Arundel and Gerald!
+Nonsense! He can't be his godfather. Mamma said he was only
+four-and-twenty, and Gerald is almost nine."
+
+"Here is Marian's authority for it," said Clara; "and certainly those
+Arundels are a curious family."
+
+"Mr. Arundel is the next heir, is he not?" inquired Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes," said Caroline; "I heard mamma telling old Mrs. Graves the whole
+story. His father and mother both died when he was very young, and Sir
+Edmund brought him up entirely, and every one looked upon him as the
+heir till Gerald was born; and a groat disappointment it must have been,
+for now he has next to nothing. But they all were just as fond of each
+other as before; and it does seem very strange that Sir Edmund should
+have made him their guardian, at his age, when there was Lord Marchmont,
+who is their cousin, too."
+
+"I dare say," said Clara, as if a most brilliant thought had struck her,
+"I dare say there is a family compact, such as one reads of in books,
+that he is to marry Marian."
+
+"My dear Clara!" said Miss Morley laughing, "How should such a notion
+come into your little head?"
+
+"Now see if it is not so!" said Clara; "I do believe she is in love with
+him already, and he is coming to see her."
+
+"Is he?" cried Caroline, "I am very curious to sec him. Mamma says he is
+very handsome, and quite a distinguished looking person. When does he
+come?"
+
+"You had better read," said Clara; "I can tell you that there are
+wonderful things in the letter."
+
+Curiosity again asserted its power, and Caroline yielded. The letter had
+been opened, and it would not signify if one more person looked at it.
+She took it, and read eagerly and stealthily, starting at every sound.
+
+  "My dear Agnes--I hope you and Jemmy are getting
+  on well in your solitude without the schoolboys. Tell
+  Charles, when you write, that a gentleman staying here
+  caught a trout last week that weighed three pounds, but I
+  believe that those which are caught in these rivers taste of
+  mud, and are not nearly so good as our own. I was very
+  much afraid that Gerald would go to school this summer,
+  but now Mrs. Lyddell has heard that it was settled that he
+  should not go till he was ten, and it is arranged for him to
+  stay till next year, when I hope he will be happier than
+  Charles was at first. You asked after his drawing, so I
+  have put in the last scrap I met with, and in case you
+  should not be able to find out what it is meant for, I must
+  inform you that it is the dog springing on the young Buecleuch.
+  The other day he sent Edmund a letter in hieroglyphics,
+  with pictures instead of nouns, and Edmund answered
+  it in the same way with funny little clever drawings
+  throughout. His regiment is going abroad nest spring, he
+  thinks, to the Cape, but he has promised to come and see us
+  first, and thinks of going home to see about his things.
+  Thank Mrs. Wortley for being so kind as to scold me for
+  not dating my letters. I shall not be likely to forget the
+  date of this on September 30th, for Mr. Lyddell has just
+  paid me my first quarter's allowance, and I am frightened
+  to think how large it is; ten pounds a quarter only for my
+  dress, and I am to have more when I am seventeen. So
+  matters can go on more as they used in the parish. Will
+  you be so kind as to pay this quarter's schooling for Amy
+  Lapthorn and Honor Weeks and Mary Daw, and find out
+  what clothes they want, and if Susan Grey has not a new
+  bonnet, give her one, and a flannel petticoat for old Betty,
+  and if any body else wants anything else let me know, and
+  pay up for all the children that dear mamma used to put into
+  the penny club, and send me word what it comes to, and I
+  will send the money when Edmund comes to pay his visit.
+  I suppose the apples are gathered by this time; you cannot
+  think how I miss the golden and red piles under the trees,
+  and the droning of the old cyder press. And do those beautiful
+  Red Admiral butterflies come in the crowds they did
+  last year to the heaps of apples in our orchard? Do you remember
+  how we counted five that all came and sat on your
+  pink frock while we were watching them?
+
+  "Will Mr. Wortley be kind enough to tell me of some
+  book of questions on the Catechism, more advanced than the
+  one he gave me? I suppose we ought to go on with the Catechism,
+  till we are confirmed, and so Gerald and I always go
+  through a section every Sunday, taking the book by turns,
+  and he knows our old one perfectly. He is so good and
+  steady about it that I quite wonder, considering that there
+  is no authority to keep him up to it, but he is very anxious
+  to stand a good examination when his godfather comes, and
+  Edmund is sure to ask hard questions. And Gerald has
+  never missed since we have been here, getting up in time to
+  come and read the Psalms with me before breakfast, and
+  really I think that is exceedingly good of him; but I have
+  come to the end of my paper, so good-bye.
+
+  "Your affectionate
+
+  "MARIAN C. ARUNDEL."
+
+Caroline's cheeks glowed as she read, both with shame at her own
+proceedings, and with respect for her narrow-minded cousin; but she had
+no opportunity for making remarks, for just as she had finished the
+letter, and folded it up again, the boys were heard coming in. The first
+thing Gerald said was, "So Marian has not sent her letter; I will run
+down with it, or it will be too late."
+
+"It is not sealed," said Clara.
+
+"Clara looks as if she had been peeping," said Johnny.
+
+"I should like to see any one peep into Marian's letters," said Gerald,
+taking it up, and carrying it away with him.
+
+Lionel stood with his eyes fixed on Clara. "I do believe it is true
+then!" said he, laying hold of Clara's arm; "I have a great mind to say
+I'll never speak to you again, Clara. Peeping into people's letters.
+Why, you ought to be hooted through the town!"
+
+The boys looked nearly ready to put the hooting into effect, but Clara
+answered angrily, "Peeping! I have been doing no such thing! Don't be so
+rude, Lionel."
+
+"That is humbug," said Lionel; "you have been looking impudently, if you
+have not been peeping slyly."
+
+"Lionel, you are a very naughty boy indeed!" said Clara, almost crying;
+"I have done just as Miss Morley and Caroline have been doing; Miss
+Morley always looks over----"
+
+"Let who will do it," said Lionel, "it is an impudent, ungentlemanlike
+thing, that you all ought to be ashamed of. I declare papa shall hear of
+it."
+
+"Lionel, do you know what you are saying?" said Caroline.
+
+"This is sadly naughty!" feebly murmured Miss Morley.
+
+"Lionel, mamma will be very angry," said Clara.
+
+"I don't care," said Lionel loudly and vehemently; "I know that you all
+ought to be ashamed of yourselves, every one of you. Why, if you
+were boys you would never hold up your heads again; but girls can do
+anything, and that is the reason they have no shame."
+
+"Hush! Lionel, dear Lionel!" said Caroline, coming to him persuasively,
+but he shook her off:
+
+"I want none of your _dears_," said he; "ask Marian's pardon, not mine."
+
+He turned his back, and took up a book. The girls dared say no more to
+him; Miss Morley very nearly cried as she thought how impossible it was
+for women to manage great boys. She ought to complain of his rudeness,
+but the explanation of what gave rise to it was impossible, and so, poor
+woman, she thought herself too good-natured.
+
+Gerald, in the meantime, had gone to his sister's room, where he called
+hastily on finding the door fastened. She opened it, and he eagerly
+asked what was the matter.
+
+"Never mind," said Marian; "thank you for remembering my letter. Will
+you fetch the sealing wax out of----"
+
+"Well, but what is the matter?"
+
+"Nothing that signifies; never mind."
+
+"But I do mind, I can't bear for you to cry. You know I can't, so don't
+begin again," added he, as his affectionate tones made her lip quiver,
+and her eyes fill with tears.
+
+"But, Gerald, pray get the wax, or----. But no, no," added she
+hurriedly, "do not, I will not touch it, till----"
+
+"Till when?" asked Gerald; "I wish you would tell me how they have
+been vexing you. I am sure they hare, for they all looked guilty. Poor
+Marian!" He put his arm round her neck, and drew her cheek to his. Who
+could withstand such a brother? Marian whispered. "Only--but don't make
+a fuss--only Miss Morley made me show her my letter."
+
+He started from her, and broke forth into a torrent of indignation; and
+it was not quickly that she succeeded in getting him to listen to her
+entreaties that he would not tell any one.
+
+"What do you mean to do?" said he. "O I will write such a letter to
+Edmund, in hopes she will ask to see it. But she won't venture on mine.
+Shall I tell Edmund?"
+
+"No, no, Gerald, you do nothing; pray don't say anything. I will speak
+to Mr. Lyddell, for it was he who gave me leave."
+
+"And I hope he will give poor unfortunate a good rowing. Won't it be
+fun?"
+
+"Now, Gerald, pray don't say such things, or I shall be sorry I told
+you. I dare say she thought it was right."
+
+"Stuff and nonsense! Right indeed! I hope Mr. Lyddell will give it to
+her well!"
+
+"If I may not write without having my letters read, I am sure I shall
+never be able to write at all!"
+
+"And when shall you speak? Luckily there is no company to-night, and I
+hope I shall be there to hear."
+
+"No, you will not; I shall wait till you are gone to bed, for I am sure
+Lionel and Johnny ought to know nothing about it. I believe I had better
+not have told you; but, Gerald, you are all I have, and I can't help
+telling you everything."
+
+"Of course, Marian, so you ought, for let them laugh at me as they will,
+I always tell you everything. And won't it be nice when I am grown up,
+and we can get away from them all, and live at home together, and I go
+out shooting every day, and you and Ranger stand at the top of the steps
+to watch me? For Ranger will be too old to go out shooting by that
+time."
+
+In the midst of this picture of rural felicity, Saunders came to tell
+Marian that it was time to dress.
+
+When she returned to the schoolroom, Caroline would have given anything
+not to have read the letter; she was too sure that there was nothing
+wrong in it, and she could not show the trust in her cousin which would
+have enabled her to speak freely, and say she was very sorry for her
+speech and meant nothing by it; nor did she wish to revive the subject
+before Lionel, whose indignation would be still more unpleasant in
+Marian's own presence. She therefore said nothing, and on the other hand
+Marian felt awkward and constrained; Lionel was secretly ashamed of his
+own improper behaviour to Miss Morley, and well knowing that he should
+never dare to perform his threat of telling his father, put on a surly
+kind of demeanour, quite as uncivil to Marian as to anyone else; and but
+that Clara never minded anything, and that Johnny knew and cared little
+about the matter, their tea that evening would have been wonderfully
+unsociable. Gerald had not much to say, but the bent of his thoughts was
+evident enough when his ever-busy pencil produced the sketch of a cat
+pricking her paw by patting a hedgehog rolled up in a ball.
+
+Neither Miss Morley nor her pupils ever expected to hear more of the
+letter, for they knew perfectly well that what Lionel had said was but a
+threat, for the appeal direct to Mr. or Mrs. Lyddell was a thing never
+thought of at Oakworthy. Marian had, however, made up her mind; her
+anxiety overpowered her shyness; she knew that Mr. Lyddell was the
+proper person, and perhaps the fact was that she was less afraid of him
+than of his wife. So, though she resisted all the glances cast at her
+by Gerald, whenever he thought he saw a good opportunity for her, and
+waited till all the three little boys had gone to bed, she by no means
+gave up her purpose. It was time for her too, to wish good night; and
+while her heart beat fast, she said, "Mr. Lyddell, you gave me leave to
+write to Agnes Wortley. Was it on condition of my letters being looked
+over?"
+
+"Who meddles with your letters?" said Mr. Lyddell, much surprised.
+
+Caroline, having helped to get her governess into the scrape, thought
+it but fair to say what she could for her, and answered, "Miss Morley
+thought that you and mamma would wish it."
+
+"By no means," said Mr. Lyddell, turning to Marian, "I have the
+highest opinion of Mr. and Mrs. Wortley, the very highest; I wish your
+correspondence to be perfectly free."
+
+"Thank you," said Marian. "Good night!" and away she went, to tell
+Gerald how it had passed; and he, who had been lying awake in
+expectation, was much disappointed to hear no more than this.
+
+As soon as she was gone, Mrs. Lyddell exclaimed, "What could have given
+Miss Morley reason to think that her letters were to be inspected?
+Really, Miss Morley must have some courage! I should be sorry to be the
+person to make the request."
+
+"Ah! Marian was very angry indeed," said Clara; "quite in a passion."
+
+"Very proper," said Mr. Lyddell. "A spirited thing. She is a girl of
+sense."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell let the matter drop with the girls, but going to the
+schoolroom, she inquired into it more fully, and found that by poor
+unfortunate faithful Morley's own account, she had allowed herself to
+be made the tool of the curiosity of Caroline and Clara. She spoke
+severely, and Miss Morley had displeasure to endure, which was
+considerably more disagreeable than all Clara's importunities could have
+been.
+
+However, the next morning it appeared as if the whole affair was
+forgotten by all parties; Marian win just as usual, and so were her
+cousins; but, in secret, Caroline felt guilty, and held her in higher
+estimation since she had seen the contents of the letter, which, as
+she could perceive, Marian might well be doubly unwilling to show; she
+wished that Marian would but be as open to her as she was to Agnes, but
+this unfortunate business seemed like another great bar to their ever
+being really intimate, and she did not know how to surmount it.
+
+These reflections were shortly after driven out of Caroline's head by
+a severe fit of toothache, which for three days made her unfit for
+anything but to sit by the fire reading idle books. Mrs. Lyddell
+proposed to take her to Salisbury to consult a dentist, and Lionel was
+supposed likewise to require inspection. Then, turning to Marian, Mrs.
+Lyddell said, "This is not the pleasantest kind of expedition, but
+perhaps you may like to see Salisbury, and I think your bonnet wants
+renewing."
+
+"Thank you," said Marian, pleased with the Invitation. "I shall be very
+glad to go; I believe my teeth ought to be looked at. The dentist at
+Exeter said last winter that they were crowded and ought to be watched."
+
+"Very well," said Mrs. Lyddell, "we will see what Mr. Polkinghorn says."
+
+"Polkinghorn," said Marian, as Mrs. Lyddell left the room; "that is a
+Devonshire name."
+
+"You are very welcome to him, I am sure," said Caroline; "I wish the
+trade was abolished."
+
+"What cowards girls are!" said Lionel.
+
+"Let us see how boys behave before we say anything against girls," was
+Marian's answer.
+
+"Shan't you scream?" said Lionel.
+
+"Of course she will not," said Caroline, "unless with joy at meeting a
+Devonshire man."
+
+Marian laughed, and Lionel began an exhilarating story about an
+unfortunate who was strapped to the dentist's chair, dragged nine times
+round the room, and finally had his jaw broken.
+
+Marian enjoyed her drive to Salisbury, though it added to her contempt
+for Wiltshire scenery, by showing her more and more of desolate down.
+She watched the tall Cathedral spire from far in the distance, peering
+up among the hills like a picture more than a reality, and she admired
+the green meadows and quiet vale where the town stands. Poor Caroline
+was taken up with dreadful anticipations of Mr. Pokingtooth, as Lionel
+called him, and when arrived at his clamber of torture, hung back, so as
+to allow Marian to be the first victim. The result of the examination
+was, that it would be better; though not absolutely necessary, that a
+certain double tooth should be extracted, and Mr. Polkinghorn, left the
+room in search of an instrument.
+
+"So you think it ought to go?" sighed Marian.
+
+"I should say so," said Mrs. Lyddell, "but you may decide for yourself."
+
+Marian covered her face with her hands, and considered. The dentist
+returned; she laid back her head and opened her mouth, and the tooth
+was drawn. Caroline and Lionel escaped more easily, and they left the
+dentist's. Mrs. Lyddell said something in commendation of Marian's
+courage, and asked if she would like to see the Cathedral, an offer
+which she gladly accepted, expecting to go to the service, as the bells
+now began to ring; but she was disappointed, for Mrs. Lyddell said, "Ah!
+I had forgotten the hour. We must do our commissions first, and be at
+the Cathedral before the doors are shut." Marian did not venture to
+express her wishes, but she thought of the days when attending the
+Cathedral service had been the crowning pleasure of a drive to Exeter,
+and in dwelling on the recollection, she spent the attention which Mrs.
+Lyddell expected her to bestow on her new bonnet.
+
+Their business did not occupy them very long, and they entered the
+Cathedral before the anthem was over; but Marian felt that it was not
+fitting to loiter about the nave while worship was going on within the
+choir; and the uncomfortable feeling occupied her so much, that she
+could hardly look at the fair clustered columns and graceful arches, and
+seemed scarcely to know or care for the gallant William Longsword, when
+led to the side of his mail-clad, cross-legged effigy. The deep notes of
+the organ, which delighted Caroline, gave her a sense of shame; and even
+when the service was over, and they entered the choir, these thoughts
+had not so passed away as to enable her to give full admiration to the
+exquisite leafy capitals and taper arcades of the Lady Chapel. Perhaps,
+too, there was a little perverseness in her inability to think that this
+Cathedral surpassed that of Exeter.
+
+She thanked Mrs. Lyddell rather stiffly, as she thought to herself, "I
+did not reckon upon this!" and they set out on their homeward drive.
+Caroline looked thoughtful, and did not say much, Lionel fell asleep,
+and Mrs. Lyddell, after a few not very successful attempts at talking to
+Marian, took out her bills, and began to look over them and to reckon.
+Marian sat looking out of the window, lost in a vision of the hills,
+woods, and streams of Fern Torr, which lasted till they had reached
+home.
+
+Such an expedition was so uncommon an event in the lives of the
+inhabitants of the schoolroom, that those who stayed at home were as
+excited about it as those who went, and a full and particular account
+was expected of all they had seen and all they had done. Caroline and
+Lionel both seemed to think Marian a perfect miracle of courage in
+voluntarily consenting to lose a tooth.
+
+"And I am sure," said Caroline as they sat at tea, "I cannot now
+understand what made you have it done."
+
+"To oblige a countryman," said Marian laughing.
+
+"Well, but what was your real reason?" persisted Caroline.
+
+"Mrs. Lyddell thought it best, and so did the dentist," said Marian.
+
+"O," said Caroline, "he only said so because it was his trade."
+
+"Then how could Mrs. Lyddell depend on him?" said Marian, gravely.
+
+"Dentists never are to be depended on," said Caroline; "they only try to
+fill their own pockets like other people."
+
+"You forget," said Lionel, "Devonshire men are not like other people."
+
+"O yes, I beg their pardon," said Caroline, while every one laughed
+except Gerald; who thought the praise only their due.
+
+"But why did you have it done?" said Clara, returning to the charge; "I
+am sure I never would."
+
+"Yes, but Marian is not you," said Lionel.
+
+"You would have disobeyed no one," said Caroline.
+
+"I do not know," said Marian, thinking of one whom she would have
+disobeyed by showing weakness.
+
+"Then did you think it wrong not to have that tooth drawn?" said
+Caroline.
+
+"I do not know."
+
+"Did you think it right to have it done?"
+
+"I do not know, unless that I did not like it."
+
+"Do you mean to say that not liking a thing makes it right?" exclaimed
+Clara.
+
+"Very often," said Marian.
+
+"Miss Morley, now is not that Popish?" cried Clara.
+
+"Perhaps your cousin can explain herself," said Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes, do," said Caroline, "you must tell us what you mean."
+
+"I don't know," was Marian's first answer; but while uttering the reply,
+the real reason arranged itself in words; and finding she must speak
+clearly, she said, "Self-denial is always best, and in a doubtful case,
+the most disagreeable is always the safest."
+
+Miss Morley said that Marian was right in many instances, but that this
+was not a universal rule, and so the conversation ended.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+  "O Brignal banks are fresh and fair,
+  And Greta woods are green;
+  I'd rather rove with Edmund there,
+  Than reign our English queen."
+
+  ROKEBY.
+
+
+Winter came, and with it the time fixed for that farewell visit from
+Edmund Arundel, to which Marian and Gerald had long looked forward.
+Marian was becoming very anxious for it on Gerald's account, for she was
+beginning to feel that he was not quite the same child as when he first
+arrived at Oakworthy. He was less under control, less readily obedient
+to Miss Morley, less inclined to quote Edmund upon all occasions, more
+sensible of his own consequence, and more apt to visit that forbidden
+ground, the stables.
+
+She longed for Edmund's coming, trusting to him to set everything right,
+and to explain to her the marvels of this strange new world.
+
+Several gentlemen were staying in the house, and there was to be a
+dinner party on the day when he was expected, so that she thought the
+best chance of seeing him would be to stay in the garden with Gerald,
+while the others took their walk, so that she might be at hand on his
+arrival. Clara, though by no means wanted, chose to stay also, and the
+two girls walked up and down the terrace together.
+
+"It is so very odd," said Clara "that you should care about such a great
+old cousin."
+
+"He is only twenty-four," answered Marian.
+
+"But he must have been grown up ever since you remember."
+
+"Yes, but he is so kind. He used to carry us about and play with us when
+we were quite little children, and since I have been older he has made
+me almost a companion. He taught me to ride, and trained my bay pony,
+my beautiful Mayflower, and read with me, and helped me in my music and
+drawing."
+
+"That is more than Elliot would do for us, if he could," said Clara. "It
+is very dull to have no one to care about our lessons, but to be shut up
+in the schoolroom for ever with poor unfortunate."
+
+Marian did not choose to say how fully she assented to this complaint,
+but happiness had opened her heart, and she went on,--"I have had so
+many delightful walks with him through the beautiful wood full of rocks,
+and out upon the moor. O, Clara, you cannot think what it is to sit upon
+one of those rocks, all covered with moss and lichen, and the ferns
+growing in every cleft and cranny, and the beautiful little ivy-leafed
+campanula wreathing itself about the moss, and such a soft, free,
+delicious air blowing all around. And Edmund and I used to take out a
+book, and read and sketch so delightfully there!"
+
+"Do you know, Marian," said Clara mysteriously, "I have heard some one
+say--I will not tell you who--that it is a wonder that Mr. Arundel is so
+fond of you, of Gerald, at least, for if it was not for him, he would
+have had Fern Torr, and have been Sir Edmund."
+
+"But why should he not be fond of Gerald?"
+
+"Really, Marian, you are a very funny person in some things," exclaimed
+Clara. "To think of your not being able to guess that!"
+
+Here Mrs. Lyddell interrupted them by calling from the window to ask why
+they were staying in the garden?
+
+"We were waiting to see Mr. Arundel, mamma," answered Clara.
+
+"I think," said Mrs. Lyddell, "that as I am going out, it is not quite
+_the thing_ for you young ladies to wait to receive a gentleman in my
+absence. You had better overtake the others. Marian will see Mr. Arundel
+in the evening."
+
+"How cross!" exclaimed Clara, as soon as they were out of hearing. "Now
+we have to go along that horrid, stupid path that poor unfortunate is
+so fond of! If mamma had to go there herself, she would know what a
+nuisance it is!"
+
+Marian was silent, because she was too much annoyed to speak properly
+of Mrs. Lyddell, whose interference seemed to her a needless piece of
+unkindness. At home she would have thought it strange not to hasten to
+greet cousin Edmund, and she feared he would think she neglected him,
+yet she could not, in Clara's presence, leave a message for him with her
+brother. Gerald begged her to remain, but she replied, with, a short,
+blunt "I can't," and set off with Clara, feeling provoked with
+everybody. In process of time she recovered candour enough to
+acknowledge to herself that Mrs. Lyddell was right as far as Clara was
+concerned, but the struggle kept her silent, her cousin thought her
+sulky, and the walk was not agreeable.
+
+Gerald did not as usual attend her toilette, but as she passed along the
+passage on her way to the schoolroom, she heard sounds in the hall so
+like home that her heart bounded, Gerald's voice and Edmund's in reply!
+She could not help opening the door which separated the grand staircase
+from the schoolroom passage, the voice sounded plainer, she looked over
+the balusters, and saw--yes, actually saw Edmund, the top of his black
+head was just below her. Should she call? Should she run half-way down
+stairs, and just exchange one greeting unrestrainedly? But no; her heart
+beat so fast as to take away her breath, and that gave her time for
+recollection: Mrs. Lyddell might not think it proper, it would be
+meeting him in an underhand way, and that would never do!
+
+Marian turned back, shut the door of communication, and in the next
+moment was in the schoolroom. When Gerald came up to tea, he was in the
+wildest spirit; making fun, romping with Lionel and John, and putting
+everything in such an uproar that it was quite a relief when the time
+came for going down to the drawing-room.
+
+Now, Marian's great fear was that the gentlemen would be cruel enough
+to stay in the dining-room till after half-past nine, when she would
+be obliged to go to bed. She could hardly speak to anybody, she shrank
+away, as near the door as she dared, and half sprang up every time it
+opened, then sat down ashamed of herself, and disappointed to see only
+the servants with coffee and tea.
+
+At last, the fatal time had all but come, when the black figures of the
+gentlemen entered one after the other, Marian scarcely venturing to look
+at them, and overpowered with a double access of fright and shyness,
+which chained her to her seat, and her eyes to the ground. But
+now--Edmund's hand was grasping hers, Edmund was by her side, his voice
+was saying, "Well, Marian, how are you?"
+
+She looked up at him for one moment, then on the ground again, without
+speaking.
+
+"Oakworthy has put no colour in your cheeks," said he. "Are you quite
+well?"
+
+"Quite, thank you," said she, almost as shortly and coldly as if she had
+been answering Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"When did you hear from home?"
+
+"Yesterday," said she, speaking more readily. "Agnes always writes once
+a week. When do you go there?"
+
+"Next week, when I leave this place."
+
+"You come from the Marchmonts, don't you?"
+
+"Yes, Selina sends you her love, and all manner of kind messages. She
+hopes to see you in London after Easter."
+
+"O dear! There is Mrs. Lyddell looking at me, and I see Caroline is
+gone! Good night, Edmund."
+
+"So soon? I hoped to have seen more of you to-day; I came early on
+purpose."
+
+"I thought so, but they would not let me stay at home."
+
+"I understand. Don't squeeze up your lips and look woeful. I knew how it
+was. Good night."
+
+Marian walked slowly up stairs, sighing as she went, and looked into
+Gerald's room. He was awake, and called out, "Well, Marian, are you not
+glad he has come?"
+
+"O yes, very," returned Marian, in a tone of little gladness; "I hope
+you will be very happy with him."
+
+"Why not you?"
+
+"It will be all disappointment," she answered in a choking voice, as,
+sheltered by the darkness, she knelt down by Gerald's bed, and burst
+into tears. "It will all be like to-day."
+
+"No, it shall not!" cried Gerald; "I will tell Edmund all about it, and
+he shall send them all to the right about! I can't think why you did not
+tell Mrs. Lyddell that you always stay at home for Edmund."
+
+"Miss Arundel," said Saunders, at the door, "do you know that it is half
+an hour later than usual?"
+
+The next morning Marian awoke with brighter spirits. It was possible
+that she might accomplish one walk with him, and Gerald was sure of
+being constantly at his side, which was the great point. At any rate,
+she could not be very unhappy while he was in the house.
+
+She heard nothing of him all the morning, but, just as the schoolroom
+dinner was over, in came Mrs. Lyddell, and with her Edmund himself, to
+the great surprise of all the inhabitants. Marian looked very happy, but
+said very little, while there was some talk with Miss Morley, and then
+Edmund asked if she had no drawings to show him. She brought out her
+portfolio, and felt it like old times when he observed on her improved
+shading, or criticised the hardness of her distant hills, while Miss
+Morley wondered at his taste and science. It was delightful to find that
+she and Gerald were really to take a walk with him by themselves. She
+almost flew to fetch her walking dress, and soon the three were on their
+way together.
+
+There was a great quantity of home news to be talked over, for Edmund
+had not heard half so often nor so minutely as Marian, and he had to be
+told how Charles Wortley got on at his new school, that Ranger had
+been lost for a day and a half, and many pieces of the same kind of
+intelligence, of which the most important was that Farmer Bright's widow
+had given up the hill farm, and his nephew wanted to take it, but Mr.
+Wortley hoped that this would not be allowed, as he was a dissenter.
+
+"Indeed!" said Edmund; "I wonder Carter did not mention that."
+
+"Had you heard this before?" said Marian; "I thought it news."
+
+"Most of it is," said Edmund, "but not about the farm. The letting it is
+part of my business here, but I did not know of this man's dissent. Your
+correspondence has done good service."
+
+"I am sure it is my great delight," said Marian; "I do not know what I
+should do without hearing from Agnes. I think I have learnt to prize her
+more since I have known other people."
+
+"You don't find the Miss Lyddells quite as formidable as you expected
+though?" said Edmund; "the eldest has a nice open, countenance."
+
+"We get on very well," said Marian. "Caroline is so good-tempered and
+clever, and Lionel is delightful."
+
+"O, Edmund," interposed Gerald, "Lionel and I had such fun the other
+day. We caught the old donkey and blindfolded it with our handkerchiefs,
+and let it loose, and if you could but have seen how it kicked up its
+heels----"
+
+They went on with the history of adventures of the same description,
+enjoying themselves exceedingly, and when Marian went in, she was much
+pleased to find how favourable an impression Edmund had made on her
+companions, although some of their commendations greatly surprised her;
+Miss Morley pronouncing that he had in the greatest degree an _air
+distingue_, and was a remarkably fashionable young man. Marian could
+endure the _air distingue_, but could hardly swallow the fashionable
+young man, an expression which only conveyed to her mind the idea of
+Elliot Lyddell and his moustached friends. However, she knew it was
+meant for high praise, and her present amiable fit was strong enough to
+prevent her from taking it as an insult.
+
+The next day was Sunday, and she provokingly missed Edmund three times,
+in the walks to and from church, he being monopolized by "some stupid
+person," who had far less right to him than she had; but at last,
+when she had been completely worried and vexed with her succession of
+disappointments, and had come into what Lionel would have emphatically
+called "a state of mind," Edmund contrived to come to her before going
+in doors, and asked if she could not take a few turns with him on the
+terrace. She came gladly, and yet hardly with full delight, for the
+irritation of the continually recurring disappointments through the
+whole day, still had its influence on her spirits, and she did not at
+first speak. "Where is Gerald?" asked Edmund.
+
+"I don't know; somewhere with the boys," said Marian, disconsolately.
+
+"Well, why not?" said Edmund laughing.
+
+"I don't know," said Marian.
+
+"That is a meditative 'I don't know,' which conveys more than meets the
+ear."
+
+"I don't know whether----; I mean I don't think it does Gerald any
+good."
+
+"It?--what?"
+
+"I don't know," repeated Marian in a tone which to any one else would
+have appeared sullen.
+
+"I should like to arrive at your meaning, Marian. Are you not happy
+about Gerald!"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian; but Edmund, convinced that all was not
+right, was resolved to penetrate these determined professions of
+ignorance.
+
+"Is Gerald under Miss Morley?" he asked.
+
+"Yes, during most of the day. They all say he is very good."
+
+"And does not that satisfy you?"
+
+"I don't know."
+
+Edmund perceived that the subject of her brother was too near her heart
+to be easily approached, and resolved to change his tone.
+
+"How have you been getting on?" he asked. "Does learning flourish under
+the present dynasty?"
+
+"I don't know," replied Marian for the seventh time, but she did not as
+usual stop there, and continued, "they think one knows nothing unless
+one has learnt all manner of dates, and latitudes, and such things. Not
+one of them knew Orion when they saw him in the sky, and yet even Clara
+thought me dreadfully stupid because I could not find out on the globe
+the altitude of Beta in Serpentarius, at New Orleans, at three o'clock
+in the morning."
+
+Edmund could not help laughing at her half-complaining, half-humorous
+tone, and this encouraged her to proceed.
+
+"In history they don't care whether a man is good or bad; they only care
+when he lived. O Edmund, the lists of names and dates, kings and Roman
+emperors----."
+
+"Metals, semi-metals, and distinguished philosophers," said Edmund; and
+Marian, who in days of old had read "Mansfield Park," laughed as she
+used to do at home.
+
+"Exactly," said she, "O, Edmund, it is very different learning from what
+it used to be. All lesson and no thinking, no explaining, no letting one
+make out more about the interesting places. I wanted the other day to
+look out in some history book to find whether Rinaldo in Tasso was a
+real man, but nobody would care about it; and as to the books, all the
+real good _grown-up_ ones are down in Mr. Lyddell's library, where no
+one can get at them."
+
+"Does not Miss Lyddell enter into these things?"
+
+"O yes, Caroline does, a great deal more than Miss Morley; but I don't
+know--I never can get on with Caroline----."
+
+Marian had now gone on to the moment when her heart was ready to be
+open, and the whole story, so long laid up for Edmund, began to be
+poured forth; while he, anxious to hear all, and more sympathizing than
+he was willing to show himself, only put in a word or two here and
+there, so as to sustain the narration. Everything was told, how Clara
+was frivolous and wearisome; how Caroline was cold, incomprehensible,
+and unsympathetic; how unjust and weak Miss Morley was; how sharp,
+hasty, and unmotherly she found Mrs. Lyddell; and then, growing more
+eager, Marian, with tears springing to her eyes, told of the harm the
+influence of Oakworthy was doing Gerald; his love of the stables, and
+Saunders' opinion of the company he was likely to meet there. This led
+her to more of Saunders' communications about the general arrangement
+of the house, and the want of really earnest care for what is right;
+further still to what Saunders had told of Elliot and his ways, which
+were such as to shock her excessively, and yet she had herself heard Mr.
+Lyddell say that he was a fine spirited fellow!
+
+Edmund was not sorry to find that he had but small space in which to
+give the reply for which Marian was eagerly looking. He avoided the main
+subject, and spoke directly to a point on which his little cousin was
+certainly wrong. "Well, Marian, who would have thought of your taking to
+gossiping with servants?" Then, as she looked down, too much ashamed to
+speak, he added, "I suppose poor Saunders has not sought for charms at
+Oakworthy any more than you have."
+
+"Indeed I do not think I tried to make the worst of it when I came."
+
+"Is that a confession that you are doing so now?"
+
+"I do not know."
+
+"Then let us see if you will give the same account to-morrow; I shall
+ask you whenever I see you particularly amiable. And now I think I have
+kept you out quite late enough."
+
+The next day was very pleasant, bright, and frosty; Marian, from having
+relieved her heart, felt more free and happy, and her lessons went off
+quickly and smoothly. All went well, even though Edmund was obliged to
+go and call on a friend at Salisbury instead of coming to walk with her.
+Her walk with Miss Morley and her cousins was prosperous and pleasant;
+the boys ran races, and Marian and Clara were allowed to join them
+without a remonstrance. Marian was running and laughing most joyously,
+when she was stopped by hearing a horse's feet near her, and looking
+round saw Edmund returning from his ride. "May I keep her out a little
+longer?" said he to Miss Morley, as he jumped off his horse, and Marian
+came to his side. Miss Morley returned a ready assent, and after
+disposing of the horse, the two cousins walked on happily together, she
+telling him some pleasant histories of Gerald and the other little boys,
+and lamenting the loss that Lionel would be when he went to school.
+After they had talked over Salisbury Cathedral, and Marian had heard
+with great interest of Edmund's late employments in Scotland, and all
+he was to do and see in Africa, and saying much about that never-ending
+subject, Fern Torr, Edmund thought her so cheerful that he said, "Well,
+may I venture to ask your opinion of the people here?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, who was so much ashamed of the accusation
+of gossiping with Saunders as to be willing to pass over all that had
+been founded on her information, "perhaps I did say too much yesterday,
+and yet I do not know I am sure I should never have chosen them for
+friends."
+
+"Perhaps they would return that compliment."
+
+"Then you really think it is my own fault?"
+
+"No;" (Edmund tried hard to prevent his "no" from being too emphatic,
+and forced himself to go on thus) "I do not suppose it is entirely your
+fault, but at the same time you do not strike me as a person likely to
+make friends easily."
+
+"O, Edmund, I could never bring myself to kiss, and say 'dearest' and
+'darling,' and all that, like Clara."
+
+"There is the thing," said Edmund; "not that it is wrong to dislike
+it, not that I could ever imagine your doing any thing like it;" and,
+indeed, the idea seemed so preposterous, that both the cousins
+laughed; "but the disposition is not one likely to be over and above
+prepossessing to strangers."
+
+"You mean that I am disagreeable?"
+
+"No, far from it. I only mean that you are chilly, and make almost all
+who come near you the same towards you."
+
+"I cannot help it," said Marian.
+
+"Yes, you could in time, if you did not fairly freeze yourself by
+constant dwelling on their worst points. Make the best of them with all
+your might, and you will soon learn to like them better."
+
+"But if the things are so, Edmund, how can I see them otherwise?"
+
+"Don't look out for them, and be glad of every excuse for disliking the
+people. Don't fancy harshness and unkindness where no one intends it. I
+am quite sure that Mr. Lyddell wishes to give you every advantage, and
+that Mrs. Lyddell thinks she treats you like her own child."
+
+"I don't think I should like to be her own child," said Marian. "It is
+true that she is the same with me as with them, but--"
+
+"Poor Marian," said Edmund, kindly, "you have been used to such
+gentleness at home, that no wonder the world seems hard and unkind to
+you. But I did not mean to make you cry; you know you must rough it, and
+bravely too."
+
+"Never mind my crying," said Marian, struggling to speak; "it is
+nothing, but I cannot help it. It is so very long since any one has
+known what I meant."
+
+Edmund could not trust himself to speak, so full was he of affectionate
+compassion for her, and of indignation against the Lyddells, when these
+few words revealed to him all her loneliness; and they walked on for a
+considerable distance in silence, till, with a sudden change of tone, he
+asked if she had had any riding since she came to Oakworthy.
+
+"O no, I have not been on horseback once. What a treat a good canter on
+Mayflower would be!"
+
+"I suspect one victory over her would put you in spirits to be amiable
+for a month," said Edmund.
+
+"Dear old Mayflower!" said Marian. "How delightful that day was when she
+first came home, and we took that very long ride to the Eastcombe!"
+
+Edmund and Marian fell into a line of reminiscences which enlivened them
+both, and she went in-doors in a cheerful mood, while he seriously took
+the riding into consideration; knowing, as he did, that her mother had
+thought a great deal of out-of-door exercise desirable for her, and
+guessing that her want of spirits might very probably arise from want of
+the air and freedom to which she had always been accustomed. The result
+of his meditations was, that the next morning she was delighted by
+Gerald's rushing into the school-room, calling out, "Put on your habit,
+Marian; make haste and put on your habit. You are to have my pony, and
+I am to have Lionel's, and Edmund is to have Sorell, and we are all to
+ride together to Chalk Down!"
+
+How fast Marian obeyed the summons may well be believed; and though
+Gerald's pony was not comparable to Mayflower, it was much to feel
+herself again in the saddle, with the fresh wind breathing on her
+checks, and Edmund by her side. Par and joyously did they ride; so far,
+that Gerald was tired into unusual sleepiness all the evening; but
+Marian was but the fresher and brighter, full of life and merriment,
+which quite surprised her cousins.
+
+But visits, alas! are fleeting things, and Edmund's last day at
+Oakworthy came only too soon. Precious as it was, it was for the most
+part devoted to business with Mr. Lyddell, though he sent Marian a
+message that he hoped for a walk with her and her brother in the
+afternoon.
+
+The hour came, but not the man; and while Caroline and Clara went out
+with Miss Morley, Marian sat down with a book to wait for him. In about
+an hour's time the boys came to tell her they were going to the pond
+with Walter.
+
+"O Gerald, won't you wait for Edmund?"
+
+"I have waited till I am tired. I cannot stay in this whole afternoon,
+and I do not think he will come this age."
+
+"He is shut up in the study with papa," said Lionel; "I heard their
+voices very loud, as if they were in _such_ a rage."
+
+"I wish I could see them," said Johnny, "it would be such fun."
+
+Away ran the boys, leaving Marian in a state of wonder and anxiety, but
+still confident that Edmund would not forget her. She put on her walking
+dress, and sat down to her book again, but still she was left to wait.
+The winter twilight commenced, and still no Edmund; steps approached,
+but not the right ones; and in came the walking party, with a general
+exclamation of "Poor Marian! what, still waiting?" Miss Morley advised
+her to take a few turns on the terrace, instead of practising that
+horrid Mozart. Marian disconsolately went down stairs, looking wistfully
+at the library door as she went past it, and, at a funeral pace,
+promenaded along the terrace. As she passed beneath the window of
+Caroline's room, a head was popped out, and a voice sang--
+
+  "So, sir, you're come at last, I thought you'd come no more,
+  I've waited with my bonnet on from one till half-past four!
+  You know I sit alone--"
+
+At that moment, Edmund himself was seen advancing from the door; the
+song ended in a scream of laughter and dismay, and the window was
+hastily shut. Edmund smiled a little, but very little, and said, "True
+enough, I am afraid I have used you very ill."
+
+"Tiresome affairs," said Marian, looking up into his harassed face. "I
+hope they have not made your head ache?"
+
+"I have been worried, but it is not the fault of the affairs, I wish you
+had not lost your walk," added he abruptly, beginning to stride on so
+fast that she could scarcely keep up with him, and apparently forgetting
+her presence entirely in his own engrossing thoughts. She watched him
+intently as she toiled to keep by his side, longing, but not daring,
+to inquire what was the matter. At last he broke out into a muttered
+exclamation, "destitute of all principle! all labour in vain!"
+
+"What--how--Mr. Lyddell?"
+
+"This whole day have I been at it, trying to bring him to reason about
+that farm!"
+
+"What? Did he wish the Dissenter to have it?"
+
+"He saw no objection--treated all I said as the merest moonshine!"
+
+"What? all the annoyance to the Wortleys, and the mischief to the poor
+people!" exclaimed Marian, "Why, we should have a meeting-house!"
+
+"Nothing more likely, in the Manor field, and fifty pounds
+subscribed--all for the sake of toleration and Gerald's interests."
+
+"You don't mean that he has done it?" said Marian, alarmed, and not
+quite understanding Edmund's tone of irony, "Cannot you prevent it?"
+
+"I have prevented It; I said that, with my knowledge of my uncle's
+intentions, I could never feel justified in consenting to sign the
+lease."
+
+"And that puts a stop to it? Oh, I am very glad. But I suppose he was
+very angry?"
+
+"I never saw a man more so. He said he had no notion of sacrificing
+Gerald's interest to party feeling."
+
+"How could it be for Gerald's interest to bring Dissenters to Fern Torr?
+I am sure it would be very disagreeable. I thought it, was quite wrong
+to have any dealings with them."
+
+"He has been popularity-hunting too long to have many scruples on that
+score."
+
+Marian could not help triumphing. "Well, Edmund, I am glad you have come
+to my opinion at last. I knew you would not like the Lyddells when you
+knew them better."
+
+"I never was much smitten with them," said Edmund, abruptly, as if
+affronted at the imputation of having liked them.
+
+"But Edmund," cried Marian, standing still in the extremity of her
+amazement, "what have you been about all this time? Have you not been
+telling me it is all my own fault that I do not get on with them?"
+
+He was silent for a little while; and then turning round half-way,
+as people do when much diverted, he broke out into a hearty fit of
+laughter. "It is plain," said he, at last, "that nature never designed
+me for a young lady's counsellor."
+
+"What do you mean, Edmund?"
+
+"I suspect I have done mischief," said Edmund, after a little
+consideration, "and I believe all that remains to be done is to tell you
+all, and come down from my character of Mentor, which certainly I have
+not fulfilled particularly well."
+
+"I am sure I do not understand you," said Marian.
+
+"Well, then," said Edmund, speaking in a more free and unembarrassed
+tone than he had used since he had been at Oakworthy, "this is the fact
+of the matter, as Mrs. Cornthwayte would say, Marian. I always thought
+it very unlucky that you were obliged to live here; but as it could not
+be helped, and I really knew nothing against the Lyddells, there was no
+use in honing and moaning about it beforehand, so I tried to make the
+best of it. Well, I came here, and found things as bad as I expected,
+and was very glad to find you steady in the principles we learnt at
+home. Still, I thought you deficient in kindly feeling towards them, and
+inclined to give way to repining and discontent, and I think you allowed
+I was not far wrong. To-day, I must allow, I was off my guard, and have
+made a complete mess of all my prudence."
+
+"O, I am very glad of it," said Marian. "I understand you now, and you
+are much more like yourself."
+
+"Yes, it was a very unsuccessful attempt," said Edmund, again laughing
+at himself, "and I am very glad it is over; for I have been obliged to
+be the high and mighty guardian all this time, and I am very tired of
+it;" and he yawned.
+
+"Then you don't like them any better than I do," repeated Marian, in a
+tone of heartfelt satisfaction.
+
+"Stop, stop, stop; don't think that cousin Edmund means to give you
+leave to begin hating them."
+
+"Hating them? O no! but now you will tell me what I ought to do, since
+there is no possibility of getting away from them."
+
+"No, there is no possibility," said Edmund, considering; "I could not
+ask the Marchmonts again, though they did make the offer in the first
+fulness of their hearts. Besides, there are objections; I should not
+feel satisfied to trust you to so giddy a head as Selina's. No, Marian,
+it cannot be helped; so let us come to an understanding about these same
+Lyddells."
+
+"Well, then, why is it that we do not do better? I know there are faults
+on my side; but what are the faults on theirs?"
+
+"Marian, I believe the fault to be that they do not look beyond this
+present life," said Edmund, in a grave, low tone.
+
+Marian thought a little while, and then said, "Caroline does, but I see
+what you mean with the others."
+
+"Then your conduct should be a witness of your better principles," said
+Edmund. "You may stand on very high ground, and it entirely depends
+on yourself whether you maintain that position, or sink down to their
+level."
+
+"O, but that is awful!" cried Marian; and then in a tone of still
+greater dismay, "and Gerald? O, Edmund, what is to become of him?"
+
+"I must trust him to you, Marian."
+
+"To me!"
+
+"You have great influence over him, and that, rightly used, may be his
+safeguard. Many a man has owed everything to a sister's influence."
+Then, as Marian's eye glistened with somewhat of tender joy and yet of
+fear, he went on, "But take care; if you deteriorate, he will be in
+great danger; and, on the other hand, beware of obstinacy and rigidity
+in trifles--you know what I mean--which might make goodness distasteful
+to him."
+
+"O, worse and worse, Edmund! What is to be done? If I can do him so much
+harm, I know I can do him very little good; and what will it be when he
+is older, and will depend less on what I say?"
+
+"He will always depend more on what you _do_ than on what you say."
+
+"But what can I do? all the schoolboy temptations that I know nothing
+about. And Elliot--O, Edmund! think of Elliot, and say if it is not
+dreadful that Mr. Lyddell should have the management of our own Gerald?
+Papa never could have known--"
+
+"I think, while he is still so young, that there is not much harm to be
+apprehended from that quarter," said Edmund; "afterwards, I believe
+I may promise you that he shall not be left entirely to Oakworthy
+training."
+
+"And," said Marian, "could you not make him promise to keep away from
+the stables? Those men--and their language--could you not, Edmund?"
+
+"I could, but I would not," said Edmund. "I had rather that, if
+he transgresses, he should not break his word as well as run into
+temptation. There is no such moral crime in going down to the stables,
+as should make us willing to oblige him to take a vow against it."
+
+"Would it not keep him out of temptation?"
+
+"Only by substituting another temptation," said Edmund. "No, Marian; a
+boy must be governed by principles, and not by promises."
+
+"Principles--people are always talking of them, but I don't half
+understand what they are," said Marian.
+
+"The Creed and the Ten Commandments are what I call principles," said
+Edmund.
+
+"But those are promises, Edmund."
+
+"You are right, Marian; but they are not promises to man."
+
+"I could do better if I had any one to watch me, or care about me," said
+Marian.
+
+Edmund's face was full of sadness. "We--I mean you, are alone indeed,
+Marian; but, depend upon it, it is for the best. We might be tempted not
+to look high enough, and you have to take heed to yourself for Gerald's
+sake."
+
+"I do just sometimes feel as I ought," said Marian; "but it is by fits
+and starts. O, Edmund, I would give anything that you were not going."
+
+"It is too late now," said Edmund, "and there are many reasons which
+convince me that I ought not to exchange. In a year or two, when I have
+my promotion, I hope to return, and then, Marian, I shall find you a
+finished young lady."
+
+Marian shuddered.
+
+"Poor child," said Edmund, laughing.
+
+"And you are going home," said Marian, enviously.
+
+"Home, yes," said Edmund, in a tone which seemed as if he did not think
+himself an object of envy.
+
+"Yes, the hills and woods," said Marian, "and the Wortleys."
+
+"Yes, I am very glad to go," said Edmund. "Certainly even the being
+hackneyed cannot spoil the beauty or the force of those lines of
+Gray's."
+
+"What, you mean, 'Ah! happy hills; ah! pleasing shade?'"
+
+"Yes," said Edmund, sighing and musing for some minutes before he again
+spoke, and then it was very earnestly. "Marian, you must not go wrong,
+Gerald must not--with such parents as yours----." Marian did not answer,
+for she could not; and presently he added, "It does seem strange that
+such care as my uncle's should have been given to me, and then his own
+boy left thus. But, Marian, you must watch him, you must guard him. If
+you are in real difficulty or doubt how to act, you have the Wortleys;
+and if you see anything about which you are seriously uneasy with regard
+to him, write to me, and I will do my utmost, little as that is."
+
+"Yes, yes, I am glad to be sure of it," said Marian.
+
+"Well, I am glad to have had this talk," said Edmund. "I did you
+injustice, Marian; you are fit to be treated as a friend: but you must
+forgive me, for it cost me a good deal to try to be wise with you."
+
+"I think you have seemed much wiser since you left it off," said Marian,
+"Somehow, though I was glad to hear you, it did not comfort me or set me
+to rights before."
+
+Edmund and Marian could have gone on for hours longer, but it was
+already quite dark; and the sound of Elliot's whistle approaching
+warned them that one was coming who would little understand their
+friendship,--why the soldier should loiter with the little girl, or why
+the young girl should cling to the side of her elder cousin. They went
+in-doors, and hastened different ways; they saw each other again, but
+only in full assembly of the rest of the family. And at last, soon after
+breakfast the nest morning, Marian stood in the hall, watching Edmund
+drive from the door; and while her face was cold, pale, and still as
+ever, her heart throbbed violently, and her throat felt as if she was
+ready to choke. She heard of him at Fern Torr, she heard of him at
+Portsmouth, she heard of his embarkation; and many and many a lonely
+moment was filled up with tears of storm and tempest; of fever and
+climate, of the lion and of the Caffre.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+  "Child of the town! for thee, alas!
+  Glad nature spreads nor tree or grass;
+  Birds build no nests, nor in the sun
+  Glad streams come singing as they run.
+  Thy paths are paved for five long miles,
+  Thy groves and hills are peaks and tiles,
+  Thy fragrant air is yon thick smoke,
+  Which shrouds thee like a mourning cloak."
+
+  ALAN CUNNINGHAM.
+
+
+And so Edmund was gone! But he had bequeathed to Marian a purpose and
+an object, which gave her a spirit to try hard and feel out a way for
+herself in this confused tangle of a world around, her. She was happier,
+though perhaps more anxious; for now it was not mere vague dislike and
+discontent, but a clearer perception both of the temptations around and
+of the battle required of her.
+
+In January the whole family went to London, the object of many of
+Marian's terrors. Caroline and Clara were both sorry to go, and the boys
+lamented exceedingly; Lionel saying it was very hard that the last two
+months before his going to school should be spent boxed up there, with
+nothing to do. Indeed the life of the schoolroom party was here more
+monotonous than that at Oakworthy; for besides the constant regularity
+of lessons, there was now no variety in the walks; they only paced round
+the square, or on fine days went as far as the park.
+
+And then there were the masters! Marian was in a state of great fear,
+under the anticipation of her first lessons from them; but the reality
+proved much better than she had expected. To be sure, she disliked the
+dancing with all her heart, and made no great figure in music; but
+people were patient with her, and that was a great comfort; and then she
+thoroughly liked and enjoyed the lessons in languages and in drawing.
+There were further advantages in the London life, upon which she had not
+calculated, for here she was nobody, less noticed than Caroline, seldom
+summoned to see visitors, and, when she went into the drawing-room,
+allowed to remain in the back-ground as much as she pleased; so that,
+though her eye pined for green trees and purple hills, and her ear was
+wearied with the never-ceasing sound of wheels, London so far exceeded
+her expectations, that she wrote to Agnes, that, "if there were no
+smoke, and no fog, and no streets, and no people, there would be no
+great harm in it, especially if there was anything for the boys to do."
+
+The boys were certainly to be pitied; in a house smaller than Oakworthy,
+and without the occupations out of doors to which they had been
+accustomed, edicts of silence were more ineffectual than ever, and yawns
+became painfully frequent. Every one's temper fell into an uncomfortable
+state of annoyance and irritation; Miss Morley, instead of her usual
+quiet, piteous way of reproving, was fretful; Caroline was sharp; Clara
+sometimes rude like the boys, sometimes cross with them; even Marian
+was now and then tormented into a loss of temper, when there was no
+obtaining the quiet which she, more than the others, needed in order to
+learn a lesson properly. Each day Lionel grew more unruly, chiefly from
+the want of occupation, leading the other two along with him; and each
+day the female portion of the party grew more inclined to fretfulness,
+as they felt their own helplessness. It even came to consultations
+between Miss Morley and Caroline whether they must not really tell of
+the boys: but the evil day was always put off till "next time."
+
+Gerald was riotous when Lionel and John made him so, but not often on
+his own account; and he had more resources of his own than they had. His
+drawing was a great amusement to him, though rather in a perverse way;
+for he would not be induced to take lessons of the master, seldom drew
+at the right time, or in the right place, and frequently in the wrong
+ones.
+
+"I never can learn except when I am drawing," he said, and his slate
+was often so filled with designs, that the sums were jostled into the
+narrowest possible space, while his Latin grammar was similarly adorned.
+There sat the Muse in full beauty, enthroned upon Parnassus, close to
+_musa musæ; magister_ had a wig, and _dominus_ a great rod; while the
+extraordinary physiognomies round _facies faciei_ would have been worthy
+of any collection of caricatures. Moreover the illustrations of the verb
+_amo_ commemorated the gentleman who was married on Sunday, killed his
+wife on Wednesday, and at the preter-pluperfect tense was hanged on
+Saturday. Other devices were scattered along the margin, and peeped out
+of every nook--old men's heads, dogs, hunters, knights, omnibuses; and
+the habit of drawing so grew upon him, that when he was going to read
+any book where scribbling was insufferable, Marian generally took the
+precaution of putting all pencils out of reach.
+
+She often warned him to take care of the school-room Atlas; but, incited
+by Lionel, he could not resist the temptation of putting a pipe in the
+mouth of the Britannia who sat in a corner of the map of England. This
+pipe she carefully rubbed out, but not till it had received from the
+others a sort of applause which he took as encouragement to repeat the
+offence; and when next Marian looked at Britannia, she found the pipe
+restored, and a cocked hat on the lion's head. Again there was much
+merriment; and though Miss Morley, more than once, told Gerald this
+would never do, and he really must not, she could not help laughing so
+much, that he never quite believed her to be in earnest, and proceeded
+to people the world with inhabitants by no means proportioned to the
+size of their countries. John-o'-Groat and his seven brothers took
+possession of their house, Turks paraded in the Mediterranean, and in
+the large empty space in the heart of Africa, Baron Munchausen caused
+the lion to leap down the crocodile's throat.
+
+It was about this time that Marian was one day summoned to the
+drawing-room at an unusual time, and found Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell both
+there looking exceedingly gracious. "Here is a present for you, Marian,"
+said the former, putting into her hands a large thin parcel.
+
+"For me! O thank you!" said Marian, too much surprised and embarrassed
+to make much of her thanks; nor did her wonder diminish as, unfolding
+the paper, she beheld a blue watered silk binding, richly embossed, with
+the title of "The Wreath of Beauty," and soon there lay before her, in
+all the smoothness of India paper and mezzotint, a portrait, beneath
+which she read the name of Selina, Viscountess Marchmont.
+
+"Selina!" repeated she, in the extremity of her amazement.
+
+"Yes," said Mr. Lyddell, resting there in expectation of renewed and
+eager acknowledgements; but all he received was this--"Can that be
+Selina?"
+
+"It is said to be a very good likeness," said Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"O!" cried Marian, and there she checked herself.
+
+"Mr. Lyddell was quite struck with the resemblance to you," added Mrs.
+Lyddell.
+
+The astonishment of Marian's glance was greater than ever, but here
+she bethought herself that Mr. Lyddell had intended to give her great
+pleasure, and that she was very ungrateful; whereupon the room seemed to
+swim round with her in her embarrassment, and with a great effort she
+stammered out something about his being very kind, and her being very
+much obliged to him; and then, perceiving that she ought to add more, in
+order to satisfy that judge of politeness, Mrs. Lyddell, she said that
+it was a long time since she had seen Lady Marchmont, and that she could
+not so well judge of the likeness; and then she bore it away to sigh and
+wonder over it unrestrainedly with Gerald.
+
+No wonder the Lyddells were surprised, for Lady Marchmont's portrait was
+incomparably the most beautiful in the book; the classical regularity of
+the features, the perfect form of nose and chin, the lovely lip, and the
+undulating line of the hair, all were exquisite; the turn of the long
+neck, the _pose_ of the tall graceful figure, and the simple elegance
+of the dress, were such as to call for great admiration. But all that
+Marian saw was an affectation in that twisted position,--a straining
+round of the eyes, and a kind of determination at archness of expression
+in the mouth. Where was the merry, artless, sweet-looking Selina she
+remembered, whose yet unformed though very pretty features had faded
+from her memory, and left only the lively, good-natured expression
+which, here she sought in vain?
+
+"O Selina, Selina, can you be like this'?" exclaimed she; "and to think
+of their saying I am like it! I am sure I hope one is as true as the
+other."
+
+Gerald drew his face into a horrible caricature of the expression in the
+portrait, and set his sister laughing.
+
+"I hope I shall never see her If she has grown like it," said she,
+sighing.
+
+"I should take the stick to her if she was," said Gerald.
+
+"I am afraid it must be too true," said Marian, "or she would never
+allow herself to be posted up in this absurd way. I wonder Lord
+Marchmont allows it!"
+
+"I'll tell you, Marian," said the sympathising Gerald, "if I had ten
+beauties for my wife--"
+
+"Ten beauties! O, Gerald!"
+
+"Well, one ten times as beautiful as Selina, I mean; I would cure her of
+vanity well; for I would tell her that, if she chose to have her picture
+drawn in this Book of Beauty, it should only be with a ring through her
+nose, and two stars tattooed on her cheeks."
+
+"And a very good plan too," said Marian, laughing; "but I am afraid
+poor Selina cannot be in such good hands. See, here are the impertinent
+people writing verses about her, as if they had any business to ask
+her what she is thinking about. Listen, Gerald; did you ever hear such
+stuff?"
+
+  "Lady, why that radiant smile,
+  Matching with that pensive brow,
+  Like sunbeams on some mountain pile
+  Glowing on solemn heights of snow?
+
+  "Lady, why that glance of thought,
+  Joined to that arch lip of mirth,
+  Like shade by fleecy cloudlet brought
+  Over some paradise of earth?
+
+  "Yea, thou may'st smile, the world for thee
+  Is opening all its fairest bowers;
+  Yet in that earnest face I see
+  These may not claim thy dearest hours.
+
+  "But for thy brow, thy smile we deem
+  The gladsome mirth of fairy sprite;
+  But for thy smile, thy mien would seem
+  Some angel's from the world of light.
+
+  "Yet laughing lip and thoughtful brow
+  Are depths and gleams of mortal life;
+  Angel and fay, of us art thou,
+  Then art a woman and a wife!"
+
+"What would they have her to be? a husband?" said Gerald.
+
+Here Caroline and Clara came hastily in, eager to see the portrait and
+read the verses, and very far were they from being able to imagine why
+she did not like the portrait. Caroline owned that there might be a
+little affectation, but she thought the beauty very considerable; and as
+to Clara, she was in raptures, saying she never _did_ see any one half
+so lovely. And as to the verses, they were the sweetest things she
+ever read; and she carried them off to show to Miss Morley, who fully
+sympathised with her. Marian found no one to share her opinion but
+Gerald and Lionel, and their criticisms were unsparingly extended to
+Lady Marchmont's features, as well as her expression, "Such mincing
+lips! such untidy hair! Hollo! who has given her a black eye?" till they
+had not left her a single beauty.
+
+Marian hoped the subject was quite forgotten, when she had hidden
+away the book under all her others: but the nest time there was a
+dinner-party, Mrs. Lyddell desired her to fetch it, to show to some one
+who knew Lady Marchmont. She took it up stairs again us soon as she
+could, but again and again was she obliged to bring it, and condemned to
+hear it talked over and admired. One day when she was going wearily and
+reluctantly up stairs, she was arrested by a call from Lionel, who
+was creeping up outside the balusters in a fashion which had no
+recommendation but its extreme difficulty and danger.
+
+"Eh, Marian, what, going after beauty again?"
+
+"I wish it was Beauty and the Beast," said Marian, disconsolately.
+"There are different tastes in the world, that is certain; but don't
+break that neck of yours, Lionel."
+
+Lionel replied by letting go with one hand and brandishing that and his
+foot over the giddy space below. Marian frowned and squeezed up her
+lips, but did not speak till it pleased him to draw himself in again,
+and throw himself over the balusters before her, saying, "That is a
+reward for you, Marian; Clara would have screeched."
+
+The next time Marian was desired to fetch the book, it was for a morning
+visitor,--a broad, stately, pompous old lady, who had had the pleasure
+of meeting Lady Marchmont, and thought Miss Arundel very like her.
+
+"Are you going after beauty?" said Lionel, again meeting Marian on the
+stairs.
+
+"Yes," said Marian, with a sigh.
+
+"Well, I hope she will be pleased, that's all," said Lionel.
+
+Marian thought there was a meaning in this speech, but she was in haste,
+and without considering it, ran down stairs again. As she was opening
+the drawing-room door, she saw Gerald on the top of the stairs, calling
+to her, "Marian, have you that book? O, wait--"
+
+"I cannot come now, Gerald," said she, entering the room, and shutting
+the door after her. She laid the book on the table, and the page was
+opened.
+
+"O beautiful!" exclaimed the old lady, "How exact a likeness!"
+
+"Why, Marian!" broke involuntarily from Mrs. Lyddell, and Marian,
+looking at the print, could, in spite of her dismay, hardly keep from
+laughing; for the elegant Lady Marchmont now appeared decorated with a
+huge pair of mustachios, an elaborate jewelled ring in the nose, and a
+wavy star on each cheek, and in the middle of the forehead; while over
+the balustrade on which she was leaning there peeped a monster with
+grotesque eyes, a pair of twisted horns, a parrot's beak, vulture's
+claws, and a scaly tail stretching away in complicated spires far into
+the distance. No one could for a moment doubt that this was Gerald's
+work, and Marian felt sure that he had been thereto incited by Lionel.
+Extreme was her consternation at the thought of the displeasure which he
+had incurred; but in the mean time there was something very amusing
+in the sight of the old lady beginning to perceive that something was
+wrong, and yet not able to make it out, and not choosing to own her
+difficulties. Mrs. Lyddell, though vexed and angry, carried it off very
+well. "Ah! some mischief of the boys," said she, decidedly. "I am afraid
+it is not fit to be seen." And so saying, she closed the book, and
+changed the conversation.
+
+As soon as the visitor had taken leave, the scene was changed; Mrs.
+Lyddell walked hastily to the table, threw open the book, and began to
+examine into the degree of damage it had suffered. "I suppose you know
+nothing of this, Marian?" said she, surveying her with one of her
+quickest and most formidable glances.
+
+"O no," said Marian; "I am sure I am very sorry."
+
+"Well, I must inquire about it," said Mrs. Lyddell, taking up the
+book, and hastening towards the school-room, followed by poor Marian,
+trembling with all her heart for her brother, and somewhat for Lionel,
+even though she could not help being angry with him for having got
+Gerald into such a scrape.
+
+There stood the boys, looking partly exulting, partly frightened; Lionel
+a little more of the first, Gerald a little more of the second; for
+this was Gerald's first desperate piece of mischief, whereas Lionel had
+survived many such. Besides, Gerald's handiwork was too evident to be
+mistaken, while his companion's part in the folly could be known to no
+one; and though it might be guessed at by Marian, Lionel thought she
+might be trusted.
+
+The book was spread upon the table, and the expressions of horror from
+the three ladies of the school-room were as strong as could reasonably
+be expected.
+
+"Indeed," pleaded Miss Morley, in her deplorable tone, "I am continually
+ordering Sir Gerald not to scribble in books, but he never will obey."
+
+"That is not true!" cried Gerald, in a loud, startling voice.
+
+"Gerald," said Mrs. Lyddell, "that is no proper manner of speaking; you
+have behaved very ill already--do not add to your fault. Before any more
+is said, beg Miss Morley's pardon."
+
+There was a silence, and she repeated, "I desire that you will ask Miss
+Morley's pardon directly--still silent? what is the meaning of this?"
+
+Gerald stood bolt upright, and very rigid; poor Marian glancing
+appealingly, first at him, then at Mrs. Lyddell, then at Miss Morley,
+all equally without effect. She saw it all--that he might have been
+brought to own that be had done wrong about this individual case; but
+that the sweeping accusation of disobeying orders, which, as they all
+knew, were never given with anything like decision, had roused a proud,
+determined sense of injustice, and that he was ready to suffer anything
+rather than apologise. She was wild to speak, to do something; yet what
+could she attempt?
+
+Mrs. Lyddell would not begin upon the book-scribbling subject till she
+had conquered the spirit of defiance, and continued to insist on his
+begging Miss Morley's pardon; but the more she ordered, the more
+determined he grew. There he stood, his proud, dark eye fixed on a
+picture on the wall, his lip curled with a sort of disdain, and an
+expression in his whole motionless figure that, had his cause but been
+good, would have been resolution, whereas it now was only indomitable
+self-will and pride.
+
+At any rate, it was an expression that showed that he was not to be
+conquered by woman, though he might have been won over by her: and Mrs.
+Lyddell had tact enough to give up the battle without owning herself
+defeated, and without further discussion said, "Go to your own room,
+Gerald; I shall give you time to reflect and get the better of your
+obstinacy. You may come here again when you are ready to ask Miss Morley
+to forgive you for your very improper conduct towards her."
+
+Without turning to the right or left,--without one look towards his
+sister, Gerald walked out of the room, and even shut the door after him
+gently. Poor Marian, who could guess all that she felt?
+
+"This is very extraordinary," said Mrs. Lyddell, "so well-behaved a boy
+as he is in general."
+
+"Ah! boys of his age always get quite beyond ladies' management," said
+Miss Morley.
+
+"Such determined obstinacy!" said Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"Perhaps he did not understand you," said Marian, unable to keep from
+saying something, though she could not in her agitation think of
+anything to the purpose.
+
+"Understand? that is nonsense, Marian. What was there to understand?
+He spoke very improperly, find I desire him to apologise; and if he is
+obstinate, it is very wrong of you to defend him."
+
+Marian was silenced, though her heart was swelling and her temples
+throbbing. In another minute Mrs. Lyddell was summoned to some more
+company, and Marian had nothing worse to hear than her companions'
+commiseration for the book, and declarations that India rubber would do
+it no good.
+
+The afternoon passed away, and nothing was heard of Gerald: indeed,
+Marian understood him well enough to expect that nothing would be heard.
+As she was on her way to her own room, looking wistfully at his door,
+Lionel overtook her; and thumping her hard on the back, exclaimed,
+"Isn't it a jolly beast, Marian?"
+
+"O, Lionel, it was very naughty of you. How could you make Gerald behave
+so ill?"
+
+"Never mind, Marian, he will get out of it soon enough. Come, don't be
+savage; we did it all for your good."
+
+"My good! how can you talk such nonsense?"
+
+"Why, I'll bet you anything you like, that mamma will never be for
+having the little beastie down to show the company."
+
+Marian half smiled; it was pleasant to find that, towards her at least,
+the boys' intention had been anything but unkind, but still she hardly
+knew how to be placable with Lionel when he had led her brother into
+mischief, and then left him to bear all the blame.
+
+"It was very wrong," she repeated.
+
+"Come, don't be cross, Marian. You don't mean that you really cared for
+that trumpery picture?"
+
+"I did not care for it so much," said she, "but it was a valuable book,
+and it was very kind of your papa to give it to me, so I was sorry to
+have it spoilt."
+
+"Won't it rub out?" said Lionel.
+
+"No, of course not."
+
+"I thought pencil always did."
+
+"And then, Lionel, why could you not have thought what disgrace you were
+leading Gerald into?"
+
+"You don't think, Marian, I was going to be shabby enough to leave
+Gerald alone in the scrape? No, if I do, I'll give you leave to tell of
+me or do whatever you please; but you see now he is not in disgrace for
+drawing that pretty little beast, but for giving poor unfortunate a bit
+of his mind, so what use would there be in my putting my neck into the
+noose before my time? No, if Gerald is the fellow I take him for, and
+stands out about begging her pardon, the whole business of the book will
+blow over, and we shall hear no more of it."
+
+Marian shook her head. "O, Lionel, if you would only think whether a
+thing is right before you do it!"
+
+"How can you wish me to be so stupid, Marian?"
+
+"I am sure, Lionel, the funniest, merriest people that I know, think
+most about what is right."
+
+"Well, that may do in Devonshire perhaps," said Lionel, stretching
+himself, "but it won't here except with you. Indeed there is nobody else
+that I know of that does make such a fuss about right and wrong, except
+Walter, and he hasn't got an atom of fun to bless himself with."
+
+"But, Lionel, what good will all the fun in the world do us when we come
+to die?" said Marian, whispering.
+
+The boy looked full at her, but would not show that he felt any force
+in her words. "I don't mean to die just yet," he said, and by way of
+escaping from the subject he mounted on the balusters, and was sliding
+down as he had often done before, when by some hitch or some slip he
+lost his balance, and slid down without the power to stop himself.
+Marian thought him gone, and with suspended breath stood, in an agony of
+horror, listening for his fall on the stones of the hall far beneath;
+but the next moment she saw that he had been stopped by the turn of the
+staircase, and the instinct of self-preservation had made him cling fast
+to the rail with both hands, though he was unable to recover his footing
+on the narrow ledge of the steps beyond it. She did not scream or call,
+she ran down to the landing place--how she did it she knew not--but she
+threw her arms round him and succeeded in lifting and dragging him over
+the rail, which was not very high, till he stood on the safe side of the
+balusters, Her heart beat, her head swam, and she was obliged to sit
+down on the step and pant for breath; Lionel leant against the wall,
+for his nerve was not restored for a moment or two, after his really
+frightful peril. Not a word was spoken, and perhaps it was better that
+none should pass between them. Mr. Lyddell's step was heard ascending,
+and they both hurried away as fast as they could.
+
+No one was told of the adventure, it was not Marian's part to speak
+of it, if indeed she _could_ have done so, and it did not appear that
+Lionel chose to mention it. Perhaps it was that he did not like to enter
+upon it seriously, and it had been too much of an answer to his light
+speech to be made a laughing matter. At any rate he was silent, and
+Marian was very glad of it.
+
+Mr. Lyddell was coming up to visit the prisoner and try if he could
+bring him to reason, but it soon transpired that all his attempts had
+been in vain, even though he came to a threat that unless Gerald made
+his submission before the next day was at an end, he should be sent to
+school with Lionel at the end of another fortnight.
+
+Marian's distress increased, she was equally wretched at her brother's
+increasing misbehaviour and at its punishment, It was provoking to see
+Johnny walking about in all the grandeur and self-consequence of being
+quite out of the scrape, and evidently rejoicing that Gerald was in
+it; it was provoking to hear Miss Morley and the girls wondering, even
+Saunders' pity was provoking, and there was nothing that gave her the
+least comfort but the perception that Lionel was certainly graver and
+more subdued.
+
+She was allowed to go to her brother for a little while that evening,
+with some hope that she might prevail with him. She found him leaning
+against the window in the failing light, listlessly watching the horses
+and grooms in the mews, which his high window overlooked. He turned his
+head as she came in, but without speaking, and then looked back at the
+window, till she came up to him, put her arm round his neck and turned
+his face towards her. It was a sullen, dogged countenance, such as she
+had seldom or never seen him wear before.
+
+"Gerald, dear Gerald, what is the meaning of this? You never used to
+behave so?"
+
+"I never was served so before," muttered he.
+
+"You have drawn it on yourself. Why will you not submit and ask her
+pardon?"
+
+"What should I ask pardon for? I said nothing but the truth."
+
+"How can you say so. Gerald? Did you not know that you ought not to
+scribble in books? Can you say that Miss Morley has not often spoken to
+you about the Atlas?"
+
+"If you call 'O Sir Gerald!' and 'O you sad boy,' desiring me in a
+rational way, I don't," said Gerald, imitating the tones, "laughing and
+letting me go on; I thought she liked it."
+
+"Now seriously, Gerald."
+
+"Well, I mean that she did not care. If people tell me a thing they
+should make me mind them."
+
+"You should mind without being made, Gerald.
+
+"I would if I thought them in earnest. But now, Marian, was it not a
+horrid shame of her to speak just as if I had been always disobeying
+her on purpose, making Mrs. Lyddell go into a rage with me for what was
+entirely her own fault?"
+
+"No, no, Gerald, you cannot say it was her fault that you spoilt the
+picture."
+
+"I think she ought to beg my pardon for telling such stories about me,"
+repeated Gerald sullenly.
+
+"Recollect yourself, Gerald, you know she meant that she had put you in
+mind that you ought not; and don't you think that, true or not, your
+speech was very rude?"
+
+"If I was to beg her pardon it would mean that she spoke the truth,
+which she did not, for she never took any pains to prevent me from
+drawing in the map-book, or any where else."
+
+"It would not mean any such thing if you were to say, 'Miss Morley, I
+misunderstood you, and I am sorry I was so rude.' I am sure you must be
+sorry for that, for it was not at all like a gentleman. Will you come
+and say so?"
+
+"You're like the rest," mumbled Gerald, turning his back upon her, and
+sitting like a stock.
+
+"Don't you think it would be the best way? Would it not make you
+happier? O what is the use of being obstinate and disobedient? Think of
+going to school in disgrace. O! Gerald, Gerald, what is to be done?"
+
+Still she spoke with earnest pauses and anxious looks, but without the
+least effect, and at last she said, "Well, Gerald, I must go, and very
+much grieved I am. How would dear mamma like to see her little boy going
+on in this way?"
+
+She went to the door and looked back again there, and beheld Gerald,
+with his hands over his face, striving to suppress a burst of sobbing.
+She sprung to him, and would have thrown her arms round his neck, but he
+pushed her off roughly, and with strong effort, drove back the tears,
+and put on an iron face again. Again she entreated, but he would not
+open his lips or give the least sign of listening, or of attending to
+any persuasion, and she was obliged to leave him at last without hope of
+subduing his obstinacy. How far he was now from being the gentle, good
+child that he once had been! and by whose fault was it? Her spirit
+burned with indignation against those who, as she thought, had worked
+the change, and O! where was the influence from which Edmund hoped so
+much?
+
+The next day was long and miserable, for Gerald gave no sign of
+yielding, but remained shut up in his room, maintaining an absolute
+silence, when, at different times, Mrs. Lyddell went to visit him, and
+assure him that Mr. Lyddell was fixed in his determination to send him
+to school if he did not yield before the time of grace was up.
+
+The time of grace was at an end the next morning, and at nine o'clock,
+Gerald was summoned to the dining-room, where Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell were
+at breakfast. He wanted to carry it off with a high hand, but his long
+day of solitude had dulled him, and he looked pale and weary.
+
+"Gerald," said Mrs. Lyddell, "I am sorry you have so persisted in your
+misbehaviour to oblige us to punish you, as we threatened to do. Are you
+now willing to own that you did wrong?"
+
+"I ought not to have spoilt the book," said Gerald boldly, "and I was
+rude to Miss Morley."
+
+"There is a brave boy," said Mr. Lyddell, very much relieved. "Well,
+Gerald, I am glad you have given, in at last; I hate obstinacy, as I
+told you yesterday, but that is over, and we will say no more about it;
+only you know we told you that you should be sent to school, and we must
+keep our word."
+
+"Yes," said Gerald, trying not to let a muscle of his face relax; though
+now the die was cast, his consternation at the thought of school was
+considerable.
+
+"Well, you may go," said Mr. Lyddell, "and remember that obstinacy must
+be got out of a boy some way or other."
+
+Gerald went, and soon entered the schoolroom, where he walked up to Miss
+Morley, saying, "I am sorry I was rude to you the day before yesterday."
+
+"Ah! Sir Gerald, I was sure your better sense--your generous spirit--but
+I hope your submission--I hope Mr. Lyddell forgives--overlooks--"
+
+"I am to go to school when Lionel does, if that is what you mean,"
+replied Gerald, and then he came up to his sister, and looked earnestly,
+yet with an inquiring shyness into her face. Marian might have been
+hopeful, for his manner showed that it was for her opinion that he
+really cared; but she was sad and unhappy at seeing his pride still so
+far from being subdued, and though her heart yearned towards him, she
+shook her head and looked coldly away from him to her book.
+
+Gerald was chilled and went back to Lionel, who had plenty of ready
+sympathy for him; a story half caught from his mamma's report, half
+guessed at, that the old lady had looked full at the beast's curly tail,
+and had said she had never seen anything so like Lady Marchmont; the
+assertion of his own certainty that Gerald would never give in nor own
+that poor unfortunate had spoken the truth, and Gerald felt triumphant,
+as if his self-will had been something heroic, and his imprisonment and
+going to school a martyrdom. It did not last, Gerald's nature was gentle
+and retiring; he dreaded strangers, and his heart sank when he thought
+of school. He wanted his sister to comfort him, but he would soon be out
+of her reach. No Marian--all boys--all strange, and there was no help
+for it now. Gerald rested his forehead against the window and gulped
+down rising tears. But when he found himself on the point of being left
+alone with Marian, his pride rose, and he would not confess that he had
+been wrong or that he was unhappy, so he ran down stairs to find the
+other boys and to get out of her way.
+
+So it went on, Marian was very unhappy at this loss of his confidence;
+but the more she attempted to talk to him, the more he avoided her,
+being resolved not to show how great his dislike and dread of school
+was.
+
+"Gerald," said Lionel, the last day before they were to go, "I have been
+thinking I should like to give Marian something instead of that book."
+
+"So should I," said Gerald, delighted with the idea, for he was feeling
+all the time that he was vexing his sister, and wishing to do something
+by way of compensation.
+
+"I did not mean you," said Lionel, "for it----for you would never have
+been sharp enough to think of the beast for yourself. I only told you
+because you could tell me what she would like best. Papa has just given
+me a sovereign."
+
+"He has given me another," said Gerald, "and we will put them together,
+and do it handsomely."
+
+"Well, what shall it be? Not that stupid book over again."
+
+"O no, no, she has had enough of that already, and there are plenty of
+other books that she wants."
+
+"No, don't let it be a book," said Lionel; "I can't think how anybody
+can like reading, when they can help it."
+
+"Well, I do like some reading, when it is a shipwreck, or a famous
+bloody battle," said Gerald.
+
+"Yes, but then it makes one's eyes ache so."
+
+"It does not mine."
+
+"Well, if I go on long it always makes mine ache," said Lionel. "And
+don't the letters look green and dance about, when you read by candle
+light?"
+
+"No," said Gerald. "How funny that is, Lionel. But I'll tell you what,
+we will get Walter to take us out, and we shall be sure to see something
+famous, in some shop-window or other."
+
+Walter was at home for the Easter vacation, and under his protection the
+boys were allowed to go out. Very patient he was, and wisely did he
+give his counsel in the important choice which, if left to the boys
+themselves, might probably have been really something famous. Marian
+would have been grateful to him, had she known all that he averted from
+her, a stuffed fox, an immense pebble brooch, a pair of slippers covered
+with sportive demons. At every shop which furnished guns, knives, or
+fishing tackle, they stopped and lamented that she was not a boy,
+there was nothing in the world fit for girls; they tried a bazaar, and
+pronounced everything trumpery, and Walter was beginning to get into
+despair, when at last Lionel came to a stop before a print shop, calling
+out, "Hollo, Gerald, here's Beauty and the Beast itself!"
+
+It was the beautiful engraving from Raphael's picture of
+
+  Saint Margaret in meekness treading
+  Upon the dragon 'neath her spreading.
+
+And Walter, rejoicing that their choice was likely to fall on anything
+which a young lady might be so glad to possess, conducted them into the
+shop, and gave all the desired assistance in effecting the purchase. It
+was a fine impression, and the price was so high as to leave the boys'
+finances at rather a low ebb; but Walter, in his secret soul, thought
+this by no means to be regretted, since it was much better for them
+that it should be generously spent at once in this manner, than that it
+should be frittered away in the unaccountable and vain manner in which
+he had usually seen schoolboys' money wasted.
+
+So S. Margaret was bought and rolled up, and so afraid were the boys
+that she should not be rightly sent home, that they insisted on carrying
+her themselves, and almost quarrelled as to which should have the first
+turn.
+
+Marian, on coming into her room, found both the boys on the top of the
+chest of drawers, trying to pin the print up against the wall, and
+though her arrival caused them some discomfiture, it was on the whole
+a fortunate circumstance, since it saved the corners from extensive
+damage.
+
+"O Lionel! O Gerald! how beautiful! how very nice! What a lovely face!
+Is it really for me? How I do thank you, but I am afraid you have spent
+all your money."
+
+"It is a better Beauty and the Beast than the old one," said Gerald,
+"Isn't it, Marian?"
+
+"A better beauty, but not a better beast," said Lionel.
+
+"It is very beautiful indeed," said Marian; "I shall get a frame for it,
+and it will always put me in mind of you both."
+
+"Yes, you will always think of me when you look at the beauty," said
+Lionel, "and of Gerald when you look at the beast."
+
+"S. Margaret and the dragon! I wish I knew the story," said Marian;
+"but I suppose it is an allegory like that of S. George. How good and
+innocent she looks! Yes, see, Gerald, she is walking pure and white
+through the park forest, and conquering the dragon. You see the palm in
+the hand for victory. So innocent and so fearless."
+
+"I thought it would be one of those funny Roman Catholic stories, like
+what Caroline was reading one day," said Lionel.
+
+"I don't like making fun of those," said Marian. "They often mean a
+great deal, if you don't laugh at them, and tell them properly. I
+am sure this print is to put us in mind of how we are to overcome
+temptation, and I do like it very much. Thank you both."
+
+Lionel was here called away, but Gerald remained, and proceeded to a
+more minute examination of the beauties of the print, of which he was
+very proud.
+
+"O, Gerald, dear, if we could be like it," said Marian.
+
+"Like it? That you'll never be, Marian; your hair is too black."
+
+"Yes, but like it within. Pure and clear from sin in the midst of a bad
+world. I shall look at it and think of that very often, and you must
+think too, Gerald."
+
+"I mean to be good at school," said Gerald.
+
+And leaning against his sister, he let her talk to him as in times of
+old, advising him with all her might, for he really liked it, and was
+comfortable in having it so, though he would have been ashamed to
+own that he did. Her advice was at once childish and wise; sometimes
+sensible, sometimes impracticable. Let any sister of fourteen think what
+counsel she would give a brother of nine if he would but listen to her,
+and she will have a very fair idea of it. Gerald listened and promised
+earnestly, and she thought, hoped, and trusted that his promises would
+be kept: she reminded him of all that could strengthen his resolution,
+and talked of the holidays with what cheer she might. She had copied out
+a morning and evening prayer from her own treasured book, rather than
+give him such another, because she thought he would perhaps heed them
+more in her handwriting, and she now gave them to him, folded up in a
+neat little silk case, which he could keep without observation. How she
+put her arm round him and pressed him towards her as she gave them into
+his hand, and felt that she was doing what her mother would have done,
+so earnestly, so tearfully, so much more impressively. O was she
+watching them now?
+
+The brother and sister were interrupted at last, and called down to tea.
+The evening passed away heavily, spent as it was for the most part in
+the drawing-room; and the last thing before the boys went to bed, Lionel
+pushing Gerald roughly off, held Marian fast by the hand, and whispered
+in her ear, "I say--you've written out something for Gerald."
+
+"Yes," she answered, horrified that he should have found it out.
+
+"Would you mind doing it for me? Don't tell any one."
+
+Was not this a pleasure? Marian sat up in her dressing-gown that night
+to write the prayers in her very clearest writing, for she knew Lionel
+never liked to read what was not large and clear, and she guessed that
+late in the evening, after all his lessons, he would have too many
+"green and blue monsters," as he used to call them, before his eyes,
+to be willing to give them more work than he could possibly help. She
+thought her mamma would have been very uneasy if she had heard of those
+green and blue monsters, and she wondered whether Mrs. Lyddell knew
+or cared about them, but Lionel was one of the least regarded of the
+family, and nobody but Johnny ever thought it worth while to make a
+trifling complaint to her. It was far worse that Lionel should be left
+to obtain a form of private prayer by such a chance as this. Alas! alas
+for them all! She was too unhappy to think more of Lionel, and in the
+midst of earnest prayers for Gerald, she cried herself asleep.
+
+Poor child, she was too miserable all the next day to give us any
+pleasure in contemplating her.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+  "Too soon the happy child
+  His nook of homeward thought will change;
+  For life's seducing wild;
+  Too son his altered day-dreams show
+  This earth a boundless space,
+  With sunbright pleasures to and fro,
+  Coursing in joyous race."
+
+  _Christian Year_.
+
+
+A couple of weeks had passed away, and Marian was beginning to feel
+rather more accustomed to the absence of Gerald and Lionel, and to find
+pleasure in the letters which spoke of her brother taking a good place,
+and from which it did not appear that he disliked school so much as she
+had feared. Still she could not but miss him grievously, and feel the
+want of some one to cling to her, bring his troubles to her, and watch
+for moments of private conference. Her days seemed to follow each other
+without animation or interest; and if it had not been for some of her
+lessons, and for his letters and Agnes Wortley's, she felt as if she
+could have done nothing but yawn till the holidays.
+
+One day, as the young ladies were returning from a walk in the park,
+they saw a carriage standing at their own door,--too frequent an
+occurrence, as Marian thought, to call for such warm interest as Clara
+expressed. Yet even Marian grew eager when she heard her cousins exclaim
+that there was a coronet on it,--a Viscount's coronet. They were now
+close to the house, just about to ring, when the door opened, the
+visitor came out, and at that moment Marian sprang forward with a joyful
+face, but without a word. The lady held out both hands, and standing on
+the top of the steps of the door, she drew Marian up to her, and kissed
+her on each cheek with great eagerness, completely regardless of the
+spectators.
+
+"Marian, dear little Marian herself! I was afraid I had quite missed
+you, though I waited as long as I could. You look like your own self,
+little pale cheeks! Well, I must not stay; I have arranged with Mrs.
+Lyddell for you to spend to-morrow with me. I will send the carriage for
+you, and you know how much I have to show you--my husband and my son!
+You will come, Marian? Not a word? Ah! your own way. Good-bye; you will
+find your tongue to-morrow. Good-bye."
+
+She let go the hands and sprang into the carriage, giving a smile and
+nod as she drove off, that filled Marian's soul, almost to overflowing,
+with a rush of memories. It was as if she was no longer standing on the
+hard steps, with black streets, and tall, dingy yellow houses bounding
+her view, and carriages thundering in her ears; no longer lonely among
+numbers, but as if she was on the bright green grass-plat by the
+Manor-House door, the myrtles and sycamore nodding round her; the
+shadows of the clouds chasing each other in purple spots over the
+moors; her father at the window; her mother, Gerald, Edmund, Agnes, all
+standing round; that sweet voice, with, that same bright smile, that
+same arch little nod, repeating the "good-bye," and speaking of meeting
+next year; and Marian herself thinking how very long a year would be.
+And now two years had passed since that time, and such years! How
+much older Marian felt! But there was Selina--Selina herself, not the
+Beauty--that was enough for joy!
+
+Marian was roused from her dream by exclamations of delight and
+admiration from her cousins, "How very beautiful!" "O, I never saw
+anything so lovely!" "Marian, how could you say that she was not like
+her picture?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, gradually waking from her trance.
+
+"Don't you think her the most beautiful creature you ever saw?"
+
+"I don't know."
+
+"Don't know!" cried Caroline, impatiently. "Do you know whether your
+head is on or not?"
+
+"I don't--nonsense," said Marian, laughing heartily, "The fact was, I
+never had time to look or think whether she was pretty; I only saw she
+was just like herself."
+
+"Well, Marian; so you met her?" said Mrs. Lyddell's voice in its most
+delighted tone, at the top of the stairs. "I never saw a more charming
+person. So very handsome, and so elegant, and so very agreeable. You
+have heard of her invitation?"
+
+"Yes; thank you for letting me go," said Marian.
+
+"O yes, of course! I am delighted that you should have the advantage of
+such an acquaintance. I hope it will be quite an intimacy. I am sure
+whenever--Well, certainly, I never met with anything more fascinating.
+She spoke of you with such affection, my dear; I am sure she must be the
+most delightful person!"
+
+Marian was not suffered to proceed up stairs till she had been told
+all the particulars of Lady Marchmont's visit, and had answered many
+questions respecting her; and, when she went up to the school-room,
+it was the same thing. The party there seemed to look upon their good
+fortune, in having had a sight of her, something as if they had seen
+the Queen, or "the Duke;" and it was with a sort of awe that Clara
+pronounced the words "Lady Marchmont," as she talked over every
+particular of her dress and deportment.
+
+All this in some degree perplexed Marian. Titled ladies were by no means
+unusual among Mrs. Lyddell's visitors, and did not create anything
+like this sensation; and she had not been used at home to hear Selina
+Grenville talked of as anything more than a wild, gay-tempered girl,
+whose character for wisdom did not stand very high. To be sure she was
+now married, and that might make a difference; but then Edmund had since
+spoken of her as giddy, and as if he had not the highest idea of her
+discretion. Moreover, it struck Marian herself that she had spoken of
+her husband and child just as if they were two playthings, to be shown
+off. Of course that was only in fun, but Marian's was the time of life
+to have great ideas of the requisite gravity of demeanour in a married
+woman. Altogether, much as she loved Selina, and clever and engaging
+as she thought her, it astonished her not a little to find that the
+relationship conferred upon herself such distinction in the eyes of her
+cousins; and she spent the evening and the next morning alternately in
+speculations of this kind, hopes of a home-like day, and fears that
+Selina after all might prove the affected Viscountess of the Wreath of
+Beauty.
+
+The time came, the carriage was sent punctually, and in due time Marian
+was being marshalled up the broad staircase by the tall servants, in all
+the trepidation of making her first visit in state on her own account,
+and feeling at every step as if she was getting further into the Wreath
+of Beauty. Across a great drawing-room,--such a beautiful grand room,--a
+folding door is opened; "Miss Arundel" is announced, and there she
+stands in all her stiffness.
+
+There was a little table near the fire, and beside it sat Lady
+Marchmont, writing notes, in the plainest and most becoming of morning
+dresses,--a sort of brown holland looking thing, with a plain, stiff,
+white collar, and a dark blue ribbon, her only ornament, except one
+large gold bracelet. Her hair was twisted in glossy sunny waves behind
+her ear, as in some Greek statues; her blue eyes were bright and
+lustrous, and nothing was ever clearer and more delicate than the slight
+tinge of red on her cheeks. Lord Marchmont was standing leaning on the
+mantelshelf, apparently in consultation with her.
+
+As soon as Marian entered, Selina's pen was thrown down, and she flew
+forward, throwing her arms round her little cousin, and kissing her
+repeatedly. Then, her arm round Marian's neck, and her hand on her
+shoulder, she led her towards Lord Marchmont, who stepped forward to
+receive her, saying, "Yes, here she is, here is your little cousin; and
+hero, Marian, here is your great cousin. Now I would give five shillings
+to know what you think of each other."
+
+"I suppose one part of that pleasure will only be deferred till I am out
+of the room," said Lord Marchmont, as he shook hands with Marian in a
+kind, cordial, cousinly manner. He was a brown, strong-featured man of
+three or four and thirty, hardly young enough, and far from handsome
+enough, in Marian's very youthful eyes, to be suited to his wife, but
+very sensible and good-natured looking.
+
+"No, Marian is a safe person, and will get no further than 'I don't
+know;' at least if she is the Marian I take her for," said Lady
+Marchmont.
+
+"Very prudent," was his answer, smiling at Marian; and then, in
+compassion to her confusion, gathering up his papers, and preparing to
+depart.
+
+"Are you going?" said his wife. "Well, I do you the justice to say that,
+under the circumstances, it is the wisest proceeding in your power; for
+I shall not get three words out of Marian all the time you are here."
+
+After a few more words of consultation on their own affairs, he left the
+room, and then Selina caught hold of Marian again, and said she must
+have a thorough good look at her all over, to see how much of dear old
+Fern Torr she had brought with her.
+
+Selina Grenville was the youngest daughter of a sister of Sir Edmund
+Arundel, who had, like the rest of her family, died early. She had been
+a good deal abroad with her father and a married sister. Her uncommon
+beauty and engaging manners gained her, when she was little more than
+eighteen, the affection of Lord Marchmont, a more distant connection
+of the Arundel family; and happily for Selina, she appreciated him
+sufficiently to return his love so thoroughly, as to lay aside all the
+little coquetries which had hitherto been the delight of her life; and
+to devote herself to him even as he deserved.
+
+It might have been that the poem had said too much in pronouncing her to
+be a woman as well as a wife; for Selina Marchmont was almost as much of
+a child as Selina Grenville had been, and only now and then did those
+deeper shades of thought pass over her face, which showed how much soul
+there was within her as yet only half developed. Her manners were almost
+more playful than suited her position, though they became her perfectly;
+her husband delighted in them; but it was this that had given her grave
+and saddened cousin, Edmund, an impression that her sense was not of a
+high order.
+
+She was very warm-hearted. She had been exceedingly attached to her
+uncle and aunt at Fern Torr; and now it seemed as if she could never
+fondle Marian enough. The first thing was to show her baby, but she
+premised that she did not expect Marian to go into raptures about him;
+she never did expect any one to like babies. "In fact, Marian," she
+whispered, "don't betray me, but I am a wee bit afraid of him myself. It
+is such a very little live thing, and that nurse of his never will let
+me have any comfort with him, and never will trust me to get acquainted
+with him in a _tête-à-tête_, poor little man! O, here he comes! the
+Honourable William James Bertram Marchmont--his name nearly as long as
+himself."
+
+In came a broad, tall, dignified nurse, large enough to have made at
+least four Selinas, carrying a small bundle of long white robes. Selina
+took the little bundle in her arms rather timidly, and held it for
+Marian to see. Pew babies were ever looked at more silently; he was a
+small, but pretty, healthy-looking child of between two and three months
+old,--a very wax doll of a baby, with little round mottled arms moving
+about, and tiny hands flourishing helplessly, he looked just fit for his
+mamma. She held him with the fond, proud, almost over care with which
+little girls take for a moment some new brother or sister; and as she
+gazed upon him without a word, the earnest intensity of expression
+gathered upon her beautiful face. After about five minutes thus spent,
+she roused herself, and began gaily to tell Marian not to trouble
+herself to seek for a likeness in him to anybody, or to say anything so
+wild as that he in the least resembled her or his papa; and then she
+nodded and smiled at him, and seemed as if she would have talked to him
+and played with him, if his nurse had not been standing close by all the
+time, looking as if she was being defrauded of her property.
+
+"It is time Master Marchmont should be taken out before the sun goes
+off, my Lady," said she, authoritatively.
+
+"Very well, I suppose he must," said Selina, reluctantly giving him back
+again after a timid kiss.
+
+"There goes my lady nurse and her child," said she with a sigh, hidden
+even from herself by a laugh. "I am sure he seems a great deal more hers
+than mine; but there, I should never know what to do with him. Come,
+Marian, now for all about yourself, my poor child. How do they use you?"
+
+Much indeed there was to hear; and much to tell on either side, and
+scarcely for a moment did the two cousins cease from talking as they sat
+together in the morning, and drove together in the afternoon. Selina was
+one of those people who have a wonderful power of dispelling reserve,
+chiefly by their own frankness; and when she had told Marian all the
+history of her first sight of Lord Marchmont, and the whole courtship,
+and all that she had thought "so very noble" in him, and tried to make
+her understand how very happy she was, Marian's heart was open in her
+turn. Not the depths of it,--not such things as by a great effort she
+had told to Edmund, and might possibly tell to Mrs. Wortley, but much
+more than she could ever have said to any one else; and free and
+abundant was the sympathy and pity she received,--pity even beyond what
+she thought she deserved. She was surprised to observe that Selina spoke
+of the Lyddells with a sort of contempt, as if they were wanting in
+refinement; whereas she herself had never thought of their being
+otherwise than lady-like, and certainly very fashionable; but she
+supposed Lady Marchmont knew best, and was pleased to find herself
+considered superior. Gerald was of course one of their subjects of
+conversation, and gradually Marian, with her strict regard to truth,
+from a little unguardedness, found herself involved in a tangle from
+which there was no escape, without telling the whole story of the Wreath
+of Beauty.
+
+She need not have been afraid; Selina laughed as if nothing would ever
+make her cease, and insisted on Marian's bringing the portrait the next
+time she came to visit her. She vowed that she would patronise Lionel
+for ever for his cleverness; and when Marian looked sorrowful about the
+consequences, she told her that it was much better for Gerald to be at
+school, and she was very glad he was gone; and then she patted Marian's
+shoulder, and begged that she would not think her very cruel for saying
+so.
+
+Marian was very glad to be able to acquit her of vanity, when she heard
+the history of the insertion of the engraving, which had been entreated
+for by persons whom Lord Marchmont did not like to disoblige. The
+engraving both he and Selina disliked very much; and when Marian saw the
+original portrait, she perceived that the affectation did not reside
+there, for it was very beautiful, and the only fault to be found with it
+was chiefly attributable to the fact that miniatures always make
+people look so pretty, that this did not give the idea of a person so
+surpassingly lovely as Selina.
+
+Lord Marchmont came in several times to speak to his wife, but Marian
+did not see much of him till dinner-time, and then she liked him very
+much. He was certainly rather a grave person, and she wondered to see
+how Selina could be so merry with him; but he was evidently amused,
+and Marian had yet to learn how a clever and much occupied man likes
+nonsense to be talked to him and before him in his hours of relaxation.
+He behaved to Marian herself very kindly, and just as if she was a
+grown-up person,--a treat which she had scarcely enjoyed since she left
+Fern Torr; and though she was silent, as usual when with strangers, it
+was with no uncomfortable shyness: she was more at ease already with him
+than with Mr. Lyddell.
+
+Selina told him the history of Gerald's works of art in so droll a
+manner, that Marian herself saw it in a much funnier aspect than she had
+ever done before. He was much diverted, and turning to Marian, said,
+with seriousness that would have alarmed her, but for Selina's laughter,
+and a certain sub-smile about the corners of his mouth, that he hoped he
+was not to take the Beast as anything personal. Selina told him that she
+wanted him to convince Marian that it was a very good thing for Gerald
+to be sent to school, and he set to work to do so in earnest with much
+kindness, and by asking sundry questions about her brother's attainments
+and tastes, he so won her, that she was ready to do him the honour of
+acknowledging him as one of her own cousins.
+
+The evening came too soon to an end, though the carriage had not been
+ordered to take Marian home, till ten o'clock. It had all been like one
+dream of brightness, and Marian, when she awoke the next morning, could
+hardly believe that it was the truth that she had enjoyed herself so
+much, and that a house containing such happiness for her could be in
+London or so near her.
+
+The schoolroom looked very black and dull after the bright little
+sitting-room where she had parted with Selina; the lessons were
+wearisome, her companions more uncongenial than ever; she felt actually
+cross at the examination to which Clara subjected her about every trifle
+she could think of, in the house of Marchmont. She could have talked of
+its delights if there had been anybody to care about them in her own
+way, but that was the great if of Marian's life. She was conscious
+that her day's pleasure had unhinged her, and made her present tasks
+unusually distasteful, and she thought it the fault of the Lyddells, and
+in a great fit of repining blamed Edmund for injustice to Selina in
+not letting her house be their home. Her great hope was of another day
+there, the only thing that seemed to give a brightness to her life, and
+she looked forward to an intercourse between Lady Marchmont and Mrs.
+Lyddell, which would produce continual meetings.
+
+However, time passed on, and she did not see Selina. Mrs. Lyddell took
+her when she went to return the visit, but Lady Marchmont was not at
+home. It was not till after more than a fortnight that she received a
+little note from her, saying that they were going to a show of flowers,
+and would send for Marian to go with them.
+
+There was quite a commotion in the house on the occasion; not that all
+were not willing that Marian should go, but that Mrs. Lyddell thought
+her dress not at all fit; the plain straw bonnet which Marian _would_
+buy, in spite of all that could be said to the contrary, and that old
+black silk dress which did very well just for going to Church in, with a
+governess, but----
+
+Mrs. Lyddell and Saunders were for once in their lives agreed; and
+Marian, who thought her money would have served her this time to
+fulfil her grand scheme of buying Tytler's History of Scotland, was
+overpowered, and obliged to let them have their will, and wear it
+outside her head, in white silk; instead of inside, in Robert Bruce's
+wanderings.
+
+She was quite ready, in new bonnet and mantle, by the time Lady
+Marchmont's carriage was at the door, and very happy she was to find
+herself by her side again. Perhaps there was a little consciousness
+of newness in the manner in which she wore them, for Lady Marchmont
+remarked upon them, and said that they were very pretty, as in fact they
+were. Marian looked disconsolate, and Selina laughingly asked why. She
+told her former wishes, and was further laughed at, or rather Mrs.
+Lyddell was. Selina said the old bonnet would have done just as well;
+"it was so like such people to smarten up for a great occasion."
+
+Such people! Marian wondered again, and disliked her white bonnet more
+than ever, resolving for the future to trust her own taste. She soon
+forgot all this, however, in the pleasure of seeing green grass and
+trees, and the beautiful, most beautiful flowers, with their delicious
+perfume. This was real delight, such as she had never imagined before,
+and she thought she could have studied the wonderful forms of those
+tropical plants for ever, if it had not been for the crowds of people,
+and for a little awe of Lord Marchmont, who had given her his arm, and
+who did not seem to know or care much even for the dove orchis or the
+zebra-striped pitcher-plant. She wished she could turn him into Edmund,
+and looked at every plant which she fancied a native of the Cape, almost
+as kindly as if it had been a primrose of Fern Torr.
+
+It was another delightful day. Marian went back with her friends,
+and sat by while Selina was dressed for an evening party, heard a
+description of her home in the country, and gave a very unflattering one
+of Oakworthy, gained somehow or other a renewed impression of her own
+superiority to the Lyddells, and went home to indulge in another fit of
+discontent.
+
+Such were Marian's visits to Lady Marchmont, and such their effect. Mrs.
+Lyddell did much indeed that was calculated to give strength to the
+feeling by the evident pride which she took in Marian's familiarity with
+Lady Marchmont, and even in the cold, distant, formal civility with
+which she herself was treated.
+
+There was danger around Marian which she did not understand, the world
+was tempting her in a different way. She disliked what she saw among the
+Lyddells too much to find their worldly tastes and tempers infectious,
+but her intercourse with Selina was a temptation in a new form. She
+loved Selina so heartily as to see with her eyes, and be led by her in
+opinions: especially when these were of a kind according with her own
+character. It was from her that Marian imbibed the idea that she was to
+be pitied for living in her present home, not because Mrs. Lyddell's
+mind was set on earth and earthly things, but because she did not belong
+to those elite circles which Marian learnt to believe her own proper
+place. Edmund had told her she might stand on high ground, and she
+believed him, but was this such high ground as he meant? The danger did
+not strike Marian, because it did not seem to her like pride, since the
+distinction, whatever it was, did not consist in rank; she would have
+had a horror of valuing herself on being a baronet's daughter, but this
+more subtle difference flattered her more refined feelings of vanity;
+and though she was far from being conscious of it, greatly influenced
+her frame of mind, and her conduct towards her cousins. It was not
+without reason now that Caroline thought her proud.
+
+It must not, however, be supposed that this was Marian's abiding frame
+of mind; it was rather the temper which was infused into her by each
+successive visit to Selina during the next three years. Of course, every
+time it was renewed, it was also strengthened, but it was chiefly her
+London disposition, and used in great degree to go off when she
+was taken up with the interests of Oakworthy, and removed from the
+neighbourhood of Lady Marchmont.
+
+Oakworthy was so preferable to London, except so far as that she was
+there out of Selina's reach, that she began to have a kindness for it.
+She knew some of the poor people there, in whom Caroline had kept up an
+interest ever since Miss Cameron's time; the smoky streets of London
+had taught her to prize the free air and green turf of the Downs; and,
+thanks to Edmund, her own dear Mayflower awaited her there, and she
+enjoyed many a canter with Caroline and Walter. She began for the first
+time to become acquainted with the latter, and to learn to look upon him
+with high esteem, but to obtain a knowledge of him was a very difficult
+matter. He was naturally diffident and bashful, and his spirits were
+not high; he had been thrown more and more into himself by his mother's
+hastiness of manner and his father's neglect. His principles were high
+and true, his conduct excellent, and as he had never given any cause for
+anxiety, he was almost always overlooked by the whole family. Nor was he
+clever, and the consciousness of this added to his timidity, which being
+unfortunately physical as well as mental, caused him to be universally
+looked down upon by his brothers. Even Marian began to share the
+feeling when she saw him turn pale and start back from the verge of a
+precipitous chalk pit where she could stand in perfect indifference, and
+when she heard him aver his preference for quiet horses. Mayflower's
+caperings were to him and Caroline so shocking, and it appeared to them
+so improper that she should be allowed to mount such an animal, that but
+for her complete ease, her delight in the creature's spirit, and her
+earnest entreaties, a complaint against Mayflower would certainly have
+been preferred to the authorities.
+
+In spite of all this, there was satisfaction in talking to Walter, for
+he saw things as Marian did, right and wrong were his first thoughts,
+and his right and wrong were the same as hers. This was worth a great
+deal to her, though she was often provoked with him for want of boldness
+in condemnation. A man grown up could, she thought, do so much to set
+things to rights, if he would but speak out openly, and remonstrate,
+but Walter shrank from interfering in any way; it seemed to cost him an
+effort even to agree with Marian's censure. Yes, she thought, as she
+stood looking at the print of S. Margaret, Walter might pass by the
+dragon, nay, fight his own battle with it, but he would never tread it
+manfully under, so that it might not rise to hurt others. He might mourn
+for the sins around him, but would he ever correct them? Marian thought
+if she was a man, a man almost twenty, destined to be a clergyman, she
+had it in her soul to have done great things; then she would not be shy,
+for she should feel it her duty to speak.
+
+In the meantime, Marian had a trouble of her own, a sore place in her
+heart, and in its tenderest spot, for Gerald was the cause. The first
+holidays had been all she could desire; he was affectionate, open, full
+of talk about home and Edmund, with the best of characters; and with the
+exception of all the other boys being "fellows" and nameless, there was
+nothing like reserve about him; but the next time, he had not been three
+days in the house, before she perceived that the cloud had come down
+again, which had darkened the last few weeks before his going to school.
+He avoided being alone with her, he would not let her ask him questions,
+he talked as if he despised his governors and teachers, and regarded
+rules as things made to be eluded. His master's letter did not give a
+satisfactory account of him, and when Marian tried to fish out something
+about his goings on from Lionel, she met with impenetrable silence,
+Lionel himself seemed to be going through school pretty much in the same
+way, with fits and starts of goodness, and longer intervals of idleness,
+but he made his eyes a reason, or an excuse, for not doing more. They
+were large, bright, blue, expressive eyes, and it was hard to believe
+them in fault, but strong sunshine or much reading by candle-light
+always brought the green and purple monsters, and sometimes a degree of
+inflammation. It was said that he must be careful of them, and how much
+of his idleness was necessary, how much was shirking, was a question for
+his own conscience.
+
+Every time Gerald came home, Marian saw something more that pained her.
+There was the want of confidence that grew more evident every time,
+though it was by no means want of affection; it was vain to try to keep
+him away from the stables; he read books on Sunday which she did not
+approve, she did not think he wrote to Edmund, and what made her more
+uneasy than all was, that Elliot was becoming the great authority with
+him. Elliot had begun to take a sort of distant patronising notice of
+hint, which seemed to give him great pleasure, and which Marian who
+every year had reason to think worse of Elliot, considered very
+dangerous. She could not bear to see Gerald search through, the
+newspapers for the racing intelligence, and to see him orating
+scientifically to Lionel and Johnny about the points of the horses; she
+did not like to see him talking to the gamekeepers, and set her face,
+more than was perhaps prudent, against all the field sports which were
+likely to lead him into Elliot's society.
+
+In her zeal against this danger, she forgot how keen a sportsman
+Edmund himself was, and spoke as if she thought these amusements wrong
+altogether, and to be avoided, and this, together with the example of
+Walter, gave Gerald a very undesirable idea of the dulness of being
+steady and well conducted. That he spent more money than was good for
+him, was also an idea of hers gathered from chance observations of her
+own, and unguarded words of the other boys; but this was one of the
+points on which his reserve was the strictest, and she only could be
+anxious in ignorance. The holidays, anticipated with delight, ended in
+pain, though still she cherished a hope that what alarmed her might be
+boyish thoughtlessness of no importance in itself, and only magnified by
+her fears.
+
+She was encouraged in this by finding that Lord Marchmont, when he saw
+him once in London, thought him a very fine, promising boy, and that Mr.
+and Mrs. Lyddell did not seem to see anything seriously amiss. But then
+Lord Marchmont had not seen enough of him to be able to judge, and would
+not have told her even if he had thought there probably was anything
+wrong; and she could not trust to Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell. It was very
+painful to imagine herself unjust to her only brother, and she drove the
+fears away; but back they would always come, every time Gerald was at
+home, and every time she looked and longed in vain for a letter from
+him.
+
+Thus passed, as has already been said, three years, spent for the most
+part without event. Caroline, at eighteen, was introduced; but though
+her evenings were given to company, her mornings were still spent in the
+schoolroom, of which indeed she was the chief brightness. Marian, though
+she had the offer of coming out at the same time, was very glad to
+embrace the alternative of waiting another year. She was now a little
+past her seventeenth birthday, which emancipated her from being
+absolutely Miss Morley's pupil. She breakfasted with the rest of the
+family, dined with them when there was not a large party, learnt more
+of masters, and studied more on her own account than she had ever done
+before; and only depended on Miss Morley and Clara for companionship in
+walking and meals, when Caroline was otherwise engaged.
+
+She was more with the Marchmonts than ever during this spring. She rode
+with them, kept Selina company when her husband went out without her;
+went about with her wherever a girl of woman's height, though not yet
+come out, could be taken; and was almost always at any of her dinners or
+evening parties, where she could have the pleasure of seeing anything
+that was distinguished. It was a very pleasant life; for she was new to
+the liberty of being loosed from schoolroom restraints, and at the same
+time the restraints and duties of society had not laid hold upon her.
+Among Selina's friends she was not expected to talk, and could listen
+in peace to the conversation of the very superior men Lord Marchmont
+brought around him; or if she chanced to exchange a few words with any
+of them, she remembered it afterwards as a distinction. Selina, with all
+the homage paid to her beauty, her rank, her fascination of manner, and
+her husband's situation, was made much of by all, and was able to avoid
+being bored, without affronting any one; and a spoilt child of fashion
+herself, in her generosity and affection, she made Marian partake her
+pleasures, and avoid annoyances as far as she could, like herself. It
+was a pleasant life, and Marian thoroughly enjoyed it but was it a safe
+one?
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+  "So too may soothing Hope thy leave enjoy,
+  Sweet visions of long severed hearts to frame;
+  Though absence may impair or cares annoy,
+  Some constant mind may draw us still the same."
+
+  _Christian Year_.
+
+
+"Here are two letters for you, Marian," said Mrs. Lyddell, meeting the
+girls as they came in from a walk; "Lady Marchmont's servant left this
+note."
+
+"An invitation to dinner for this evening," said Marian opening it; "ah!
+I knew they were to have a party; 'just recollected that Lady Julia
+Faulkner used to know Fern Torr, and I must have you to meet her, if it
+is not a great bore.'"
+
+"Then, my dear, had you not better send an answer? James can take it
+directly."
+
+"No, no, thank you; the carriage will call at seven. Who can this Lady
+Julia be? But--" by this time Marian had arrived at her other letter,
+and, with a sudden start and scream of joy, she exclaimed, "They are
+coming!"
+
+"Coming? Who?" asked Caroline.
+
+"Agnes--and Mr. and Mrs. Wortley! O! All coming to stay with their
+friends in Cadogan Place. I shall see them at any time I please."
+
+"I am very glad of it," said Caroline.
+
+"Tell them that their earliest engagement must be to us," said Mrs.
+Lyddell. "When do you expect them?"
+
+"Next week, next week itself," cried Marian, "to stay a whole fortnight,
+or perhaps three weeks. Mr. Wortley has business which will occupy
+him--"
+
+Few faces ever expressed more joy than Marian's in the prospect of a
+meeting with these dearest of friends; Mrs. Lyddell and Caroline smiled
+at her joy as she flew out of the room to make Saunders a partaker in
+her pleasure.
+
+"Strange girl," said Caroline; "so cold to some, so warm to others; I
+shall be glad to see these incomparable Wortleys."
+
+"So shall I," said Mrs. Lyddell; "but I expect that Marian's opinion of
+them will soon alter, she has now become used to such different society.
+However we must be very civil to them, be they what they may."
+
+In the meantime Marian penned a letter to Agnes, in terms of delight and
+affection twenty times warmer than any which had ever passed her lips,
+and then resigned herself to Saunders' hands to be dressed, without
+much free will on her own part; too excited to read as usual during
+the operation, sometimes talking, sometimes trying to imagine Agnes in
+London, a conjunction which seemed to her almost impossible.
+
+The carriage came for her, and in due time she was entering the great
+drawing-room, where Selina, looking prettier than ever in her evening
+dress, sat reading a novel and awaiting her guests.
+
+"O Selina, only think," she began; "the Wortleys are coming!"
+
+"What say you? Why, Marian, you are in a wild state. Who are coming?"
+
+"The Wortleys, Selina, my own Agnes."
+
+"O, your old clergyman's daughter! You constant little dove, you don't
+mean that you have kept up that romantic friendship all these years?"
+
+"Why, Selina!"
+
+"Yes, yes, I remember all about them now: the daughter was your great
+friend."
+
+"She was more yours," said Marian, "when you were at Fern Torr, because
+you were more nearly the same age. Don't you remember how you used to
+whisper under the sycamore tree, and send me out of the way?"
+
+"Poor little Marian! Well, those were merry times, and I rather think
+your Agnes promised to be very pretty."
+
+"And shall not you be glad to see her?"
+
+"When do they come?"
+
+"Next Monday, to--Cadogan Place."
+
+"Close to you. Well, that is lucky; but now, my dear, if you can come
+down from the clouds for a moment, I want to tell you about Lady Julia."
+
+"Who is she?" said Marian, bringing back her attention with an effort.
+
+"A tiresome woman," whispered Selina, with a sort of affectation of
+confidence; "but the fact is, Lord Marchmont used to know her husband,
+or his father, or his great grandfather, sometime in the dark ages, and
+so be wants me to make much of her. She is one of the people that it is
+real toil to make talk for; but by good fortune I remembered that I had
+heard some legend about her once knowing my uncles, and so I thought
+that a cross-examination of you about Gerald and Fern Torr would be a
+famous way of filling up the evening."
+
+"O!" said Marian in a not very satisfied tone, "so she has a husband,
+has she? I fancied from your note that she only consisted of herself,"
+
+"She consists of a son and daughters," said Selina.
+
+"Her husband is dead, but the rest of the house you will presently see."
+
+"Eh?" said Lord Marchmont, coming out of the other room where he had
+been writing, and greeting Marian.
+
+"You don't mean that you have invited that young Faulkner?"
+
+"You would, not have me leave out the only agreeable one of the
+party--something to sweeten the infliction."
+
+Lord Marchmont smiled at the arch, bold, playful manner with which she
+looked up in his face, as if to defy him to be displeased; but still he
+was evidently vexed, and said, "It is hard upon Marian only to take her
+from Elliot Lyddell's society to bring her into Mr. Faulkner's."
+
+"Indeed! but that is hard on Mr. Faulkner," said his wife. "As to worth,
+I suppose he and Marian's cousin are pretty much on a par, but it is but
+justice to say that he has considerably the advantage in externals."
+
+"It cannot be helped now," said Lord Marchmont; "but I wish I had told
+you before, Selina. The esteem I had for that young man's father would
+make me still more reluctant to cultivate him, considering his present
+way of going on."
+
+"Well, one invitation to dinner is not such a very agricultural
+proceeding, that you need waste such a quantity of virtuous
+indignation," said Selina; "I daresay he will not grow _very_ much the
+faster for it."
+
+The arrival of some of the party put a stop to the conversation, and
+presently Lady Julia Faulkner, Mr. and Miss Faulkner, were announced.
+The first was a fair, smooth, handsome matron, who looked as if she had
+never been preyed upon by either thought or care; her daughter was a
+well-dressed, fashionable young lady; and her son, so gentlemanlike
+and sensible looking, as to justify Lady Marchmont in saying that in
+externals he had the advantage of Elliot Lyddell. Marian sat next him at
+dinner, and though she meant to dislike him, she could not succeed in
+doing so; he talked with so much spirit and cleverness of the various
+exhibitions and other things, which are chiefly useful as food for
+conversation. Something too might be ascribed to the store of happiness
+within her, which would not let her be ungracious or unwilling to let
+herself be entertained, for on the whole, she had never been so well
+amused at a dinner party.
+
+In the drawing-room the examination took place with which she had been
+threatened, but she had grown hardened to such things with time, and
+could endure them much better than she used to do. It was always the
+custom for her to outstay the guests, so as to talk them over with her
+cousins; and, on this occasion the first exclamation was, how very
+agreeable and clever Mr. Faulkner was.
+
+"So much the worse," said Lord Marchmont gravely; "I think worse of him
+than I did before, for I find he has taken up Germanism."
+
+Marian had some notion that Germanism meant that the foundations of his
+faith were unsettled, and she looked extremely horrified, but she had
+not time to dwell on the subject, for the carriage came to the door,
+and she was glad to be alone to hug herself with delight. The gas lamps
+looked as bright to her eyes as if there were an illumination specially
+got up in honour of her happiness, and the drive to Mr. Lyddell's was
+far too short to settle a quarter of what Agnes was to see and do.
+
+It was almost four years since she had parted with her, but the
+correspondence had scarcely slackened, nor the earnestness of her
+affection and confidence diminished. There was no one, excepting Edmund,
+to whom she could look for counsel in the same manner, and the hope of
+long conversations with Mrs. Wortley was almost as delightful as the
+thought of seeing Agnes once more.
+
+She had begged them to call the first thing, and accordingly soon after
+breakfast one fine Tuesday morning, a loud double-knock caused her heart
+to leap into her mouth, or rather her throat, and almost choke her. Mrs.
+Lyddell, Elliot, and Caroline were all present, and she wished them
+forty miles off, when the announcement was the very thing she wished to
+hear!
+
+There they were, Mrs. Wortley giving that fond, motherly kiss, Agnes
+catching both hands, and kissing both cheeks, Mr. Wortley giving one
+hearty squeeze to her hand! There they really were, she was by Mrs.
+Wortley's side, their own familiar tones were in her ears! She hardly
+dared to look up, for fear Agnes should be altered, but no, she could
+not call her altered, though she was more formed, the features were less
+childish, and there was more thought, though not less life and light
+than of old, in the blue eyes. Indeed it came upon Marian by surprise,
+that she had not known before that Agnes was uncommonly pretty as well
+as loveable. She was surprised not to see her friend more shy, but able
+to answer Elliot's civilities with readiness and ease; whereas she who
+still felt stiff and awkward with a stranger, had supposed that such
+must be doubly the case with one who had lived so much less in the
+world.
+
+That day was to be devoted by the Wortleys to visits and business, but
+they reckoned on having Marian to themselves all the next, and were to
+call for her early on their way to some of the sights of London. Mrs.
+Lyddell made them fix an early day for coming to dinner, and they took
+their leave, Marian feeling as if the visit had not been everything that
+she expected, and yet as if it was happiness even to know that the same
+city contained herself and them.
+
+No sooner were they gone than the Lyddells began with one voice to
+admire Agnes, even Elliot was very much struck with her, and positively
+gained himself some degree of credit with Marian, by confirming her
+opinion of her friend's beauty. It was delightful indeed that Agnes
+should be something to be proud of; Marian would not have loved her one
+whit the less if she had been a plain, awkward country girl, but it was
+something to have her affection justified in their eyes, and to have no
+fear of Agnes being celebrated only for her cricket.
+
+They called for Marian early the next morning, and now she received the
+real greeting, corresponding to her parting, as Mrs. Wortley's second
+daughter. Then began the inquiries for everything at Fern Torr, animate
+or inanimate, broken into by Agnes's exclamations of surprise at
+everything new and wonderful in the streets, a happy, but a most
+desultory conversation.
+
+At last they got into a quiet street where Mr. and Mrs. Wortley went to
+choose a carpet, and the two girls were left to sit in the carriage.
+
+"O Marian!" began Agnes, "so you have not quite lost your old self! I
+am glad to see how it all is at least, for I have something tangible to
+pity you for."
+
+"I wonder what it is," said Marian, too happy for pity at that moment.
+
+"O, my dear! that Mr. Elliot Lyddell!"
+
+"He is hardly ever in my way," said Marian.
+
+"And his sister! Her dress! What study it must have taken! In the
+extreme of fashion."
+
+"Caroline's dress is not exactly what she would choose herself," said
+Marian.
+
+"That must be only an excuse, Marian; for though you have a
+well-turned-out look, it is not as if you were in a book of fashions."
+
+"I am not Mrs. Lyddell's daughter, and though I do expect a battle or
+two when I come out, it will not be a matter of obedience with me, as it
+is with Caroline."
+
+"Is it very painful obedience?" said Agnes laughingly; "well, you do
+deserve credit for not being spoilt among such people."
+
+"In the first place, how do you know they are 'such people?' and next,
+how do you know I am not spoilt?"
+
+"You must be the greatest hypocrite in the world, if you are spoilt, to
+write me such letters, and sit so boldly looking me in the face. And as
+to their being 'such people,' have not I seen them, have not I
+heard them, and, above all, has not Mr. Arundel given me their full
+description?"
+
+"But that was three years and a half ago," said Marian.
+
+"And have they changed since then?" asked Agnes.
+
+"I don't know."
+
+"O how glad I am to hear that!" cried Agnes. "Never mind them; but to
+hear you say 'I don't know' in that old considering tone is proof enough
+to me that you are my own old Marian, which is all I care for."
+
+"I don't--" began Marian; then stopping short and laughing, she added,
+"I mean I was thinking whether it is really so. Can any person live four
+years without changing? Especially at our age. What a little girl I was
+then!"
+
+"Yes, to be sure, you have grown into a tall--yes, quite a tall woman,
+and you have got your black hair into a very pretty broad braid, and you
+wear a bracelet and carry a parasol, and don't let your veil stream down
+your back; I don't see much more alteration. Your eyes are as black and
+your face as white, and altogether you are quite as provoking as ever in
+never telling one anything that one wishes to know."
+
+Marian gave a stiff smile, one which she had learnt in company, and
+grew frightened at herself to find that she was treating Agnes, as she
+treated the outer world. She did not know what to say; her love was
+deep, strong and warm within, but it was too soon to "rend the silken
+veil;" and this awkwardness, this consciousness of coldness was positive
+suffering. She was relieved that the return of Mr. and Mrs. Wortley put
+an end to the _tête-à-tête_, then shocked that it should be a relief;
+for, poor girl, her extreme embarrassment overpowering the happiness
+in her friend's presence, made her doubt whether it could be that her
+affection was really departing, a thought too dreadful to be dwelt upon.
+
+Who would have told her that she should endure so much pain in her first
+drive with the Wortleys?
+
+They went to call on Lady Marchmont that day, and, as Marian expected,
+did not find her at home. Agnes renewed the old lamentation that Marian
+could not live with her and thus avoid Mrs. Lyddell's finery and
+fashion. "Now why do you laugh, Marian? you don't mean that Selina
+Grenville can have turned into a fashionable lady? she was the simplest
+creature in the world."
+
+"She is what she was then," said Marian; "but as to being fashionable--.
+My dear Agnes, you don't understand."
+
+"We have not to reproach Marian for want of knowledge of the world now,
+Agnes," said Mr. Wortley, smiling at his daughter's bewildered look.
+
+"Ah!" cried Marian, and there stopped, thinking how grievously she must
+be altered, since this was the reproach that the Lyddells used so often
+to make her. Some wonderful sight here engaged Agnes, and Marian's
+exclamation fell unheeded.
+
+She spent a good many hours with the Wortleys while they were in London,
+but usually in the midst of confusion and bustle: Mr. and Mrs. Wortley
+were busy, and Agnes almost wild with the novelties around. Marian's
+heart ached as she recollected a saying which she had read, that a
+thread once broken can never be united again. Her greatest comfort was
+in the prospect of a visit to Fern Torr; for Mrs. Lyddell willingly
+consented to her accepting Mrs. Wortley's invitation to return with
+them, and to stay even to the end of her brother's holidays, which he
+was also to spend at _home_. She should know better there whether she
+was really changed; she could take it all up again there, and now she
+could afford to wait, and not feel the necessity of saying everything
+that would not be said in so short a time.
+
+One thing was certain, she did not like to hear Agnes talk against the
+Lyddells. She could have done it herself; nay, she did so sometimes when
+with Lady Marchmont, but then that was only about "nonsense." She had
+lived with them too long, had shared in too many of their conversations
+and employments, was, in fact, too much one of the family, to like to
+hear them condemned. She thought it very strange, and she could not tell
+whether it was from having grown like them, or from a genuine dislike to
+injustice; at any rate it was this which convinced her that she had come
+to regard them in some degree as friends.
+
+She wished them to appear to as much advantage as possible, but this
+they really seemed resolved not to do, at least not what was in her eyes
+and those of the Wortleys, to advantage. Mrs. Lyddell _would_ have
+a grand dinner party to do honour to her friends, and the choice of
+company was not what she would have made. To make it worse, Elliot
+sat next Agnes, Walter was not at home, and the conversation was upon
+religious subjects, which had better not have been discussed at all in
+such a party, and which were viewed by most present, in the wrong way.
+All this, however, Marian could have endured, for she did not care
+to defend Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell or Elliot, individually, only when
+considered as forming part of "the Lyddells," but she really wished
+Agnes to like Caroline and Clara.
+
+She did not know whether Agnes was not perverse about Caroline, whom she
+continued to call a mere fashionable young lady, not being able to find
+any other reproach than this vague one; but as to Clara, Marian herself
+could have found it in her heart to beat her when she made sillier
+speeches than usual in Agnes' hearing, and, above all, for having at
+this time a violent fit of her affection for Marian herself, whom she
+perseveringly called a dear girl, and followed about so closely as to be
+always in the way.
+
+Marian would have been still more provoked with Clara, had Agnes not had
+forbearance enough to abstain from telling her all that Clara had said,
+when once, by some chance, left alone with her for ten minutes. After a
+great deal about her extreme friendship for "dearest Marian," she said,
+"Some people think her pretty,--do you, Miss Wortley?"
+
+"Not exactly pretty," said Agnes, "but hers is a fine face."
+
+"Ah! she has not colour enough to be pretty. She is much too pale, poor
+dear, but some people say that is aristocratic. And she is like her
+cousin, Lady Marchmont, the beauty. Do you know Lady Marchmont?"
+
+"I used to know her as a girl."
+
+"Ah! she is very handsome, and so much the fashion. It is such an
+advantage for Marian to be there, and I hope she will slyly bring us
+acquainted some of these days. But then all the Arundels are proud;
+Marian has a good deal of pride in her own way, though she is a dear
+girl!"
+
+"Marian!" exclaimed Agnes.
+
+"O yes! She is a dear girl, but every one in Wiltshire speaks of her
+pride; all our friends do, I assure you. I always defend her, of course,
+but every one remarks it."
+
+Agnes was wondering whether simply to disbelieve anything so
+preposterous as that all Wiltshire should be remarking on poor Marian's
+pride, or whether to explain it by her well-known shyness, when Clara
+made another sudden transition. "Do you know Mr. Arundel?"
+
+"O yes."
+
+"Is not he a fine, distinguished looking man? We did admire him so when
+he was here. I assure you we are all quite jealous of Marian. Miss
+Morley says there can be but one _dénouement_."
+
+Here Marian came into the room, and Agnes proceeded to question within
+herself which was most wonderful,--the extreme folly of Clara, or of the
+governess.
+
+Another vexation to Marian was the behaviour of Lady Marchmont. She
+herself was invited as often as usual to come to her cousin, but she
+could not spare a minute from her dear friends, and only was surprised
+and vexed that they were not included, and that Selina had not yet
+called upon them. She knew that one of her parties consisted of persons
+whom Mr. Wortley would have been particularly glad to meet, and she
+watched most anxiously for a card for him; she even went so far, as in
+her own note of refusal to give a very far distant hint, thinking that
+Selina only required to be put in mind of his being in London.
+
+At last, only two days before they left town, Lady Marchmont left her
+card for Mrs. Wortley, but without asking if she was at home; and
+Marian, who was in the house at the time, felt the neglect most acutely.
+Mrs. Wortley saw the bright glow of red spread all over the pale check,
+and was heartily sorry on her account. Agnes broke out into exclamations
+that there must be a mistake,--the servants must have misunderstood,
+and she would have asked questions; but Marian said, in a voice of deep
+feeling, "No, Agnes, it is no mistake. You understand me now when I say
+Selina Marchmont is more of a fine lady than Mrs. Lyddell. But O, I
+never thought she would have neglected you!"
+
+"Say no more, my dear," said Mrs. Wortley; "Lady Marchmont must have too
+many engagements to attend to us dull country folks. Indeed, it gives me
+no pain, my dear, except to see it grieve you. You know she has done her
+duty by us."
+
+"Her duty by herself, she may think," said Marian, "in not doing what
+would be called rude, but not her duty by you; you, to whom all who
+ever--who ever loved _them_, owe so much."
+
+The tears glittered in Marian's eyes, and her cheek was flushed.
+
+"Marian, my dear, cool down a little," said Mrs. Wortley; "think how
+long it is since Lady Marchmont knew us, and recollect that the--the
+causes, which you think you have for caring for us, may not appear the
+same to her. She only thinks of us as dimly remembered neighbours of
+her cousin's, coming to London for a little while; she is full of
+engagements, and has no time for us, and just follows the fashions of
+other people."
+
+"That is it," said Marian. "How shall I ever wish her good-bye in
+charity?"
+
+They were interrupted; and it was not till Marian was gone that Agnes
+had the satisfaction of a full outbreak of indignation at all fine
+ladies, and of triumph in the impossibility of their ever spoiling her
+own dear Marian.
+
+Marian had to spend the evening with the Marchmonts, and she was more
+constrained with them at first than she had ever been before. Yet it
+was not easy to continue constrained with Selina, who was perfectly
+unconscious that she had given any offence; and the feeling was quite
+removed by half an hour's play with little Willy, who was now promoted
+to be a drawing-room child for various short intervals of the day. He
+was under a nursery governess, who let his mamma have a little more
+property in him.
+
+Selina asked about the intended journey, and thus renewed Marian's
+feeling of the wrongs of the Wortleys; but when Selina scolded her for
+not coming oftener, supposed she had been very happy, and envied her for
+going to dear old Fern Torr, Marian began to forgive, and did so quite
+when she wished she could have seen them, and lamented that she had been
+so much engaged. Three times she had gone out, fully meaning to call on
+them, and have a good long chat, but each time something delayed her;
+and the last, and fourth, she really was obliged to be at home early,
+and could not possibly make a call.
+
+The charm of manner made all this appease Marian; but when the immediate
+spell of Selina's grace and caressing ways was removed, she valued it
+rightly, and thought, though with pain, of the expressive epithet,
+"fudge!" Could not Selina have gone to her aunt's old friends if she
+would? Had not Marian known her to take five times the trouble for her
+own gratification? Marian gained a first glimpse of the selfishness of
+refined exclusiveness, and doubted whether it had not been getting a
+hold of herself, when she had learnt of Selina to despise and neglect
+all that was unpleasing.
+
+O the joy of knowing that she should turn her back on the great wicked
+world again, and measure herself by the old standard of home! And yet
+she trembled, lest she should find that the world had touched her more
+than she had thought.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+  "Yes, friends may be kind, and vales may be green,
+  And brooks, may sparkle along between;
+  But it is not friendship's kindest look,
+  Nor loveliest vale, nor clearest brook,
+  That can tell the tale which is written for me
+  On each old face and well known tree."
+
+  R. H. FROUDE.
+
+
+It was a happy day for both Agnes Wortley and Marian Arundel when they
+again entered Devonshire. Agnes seemed to feel her four weeks as serious
+an absence as Marian did her four years, and was even more rapturous in
+her exclamations at each object that showed her she was near home.
+
+They walked up the last and steepest hill, or rather bounded along the
+well known side path, catching at the long trailing wreaths of the
+dogrose, peeping over the gates which broke the high hedge, where
+Marian, as she saw the moors, could only relieve her heart by
+pronouncing to herself those words of Manzoni's Lucia, "_Vedo i miei
+monti._" ("I see my own mountains.") She beheld the woods and the
+chimneys of the Manor House, but she shrank from looking at it, and
+gazed, as if she feared it was but a moment's vision, at the rough
+cottages, the smoke curling among the trees, the red limestone quarry,
+and the hills far away in the summer garb of golden furze. It was home,
+her heart was full, and Agnes respected her silence.
+
+Down the hill, along the well-known paling, past the cottages, the dear
+old faces smiling welcome; the Church, always the same, the green rail
+of the Vicarage garden, the paint was the only thing new; the porch,
+with roses hanging thicker over it than ever; Ranger, David Chapple,
+Jane, the housemaid, all in ecstasy in their different ways.
+
+That first evening was spent in visiting every nook of the garden with
+Agnes, and hearing the history of each little innovation; then, after a
+slight interval of sleepiness, came those fond, cordial "good nights,"
+which dwell no where but at home.
+
+She woke to the reality of a Fern Torr Sunday, not to shake off with
+disappointment and wearinesss, the dream of such a day. There was the
+pinkthorne, dressed in all its garlands, before her window, the dew
+lying heavy and silvery on the grass; the cart-horses enjoying their
+holiday in the meadow, the mass of blossom in the orchard, the sky
+above, all blueness, the air full of a delicious quietness, as if the
+sunshine itself was repose, Marian leant out at her window, and wondered
+if it was possible she should have been so long away, so familiar, so
+natural did it all seem.
+
+The hurried breakfast, the walk to school, the school itself, how well
+she knew it all, and within the school how old a world it was, and yet
+how new! The benches, the books, the smiles, the curtsies, the very
+nosegays, redolent of southernwood, were unchanged, but all the great
+good girls of her day, the prime first class, where was it? Here was the
+first class still, Agnes' pride; but, behold, these are the little ones
+of her day, and the babies for whom she had made pink frocks and frilled
+caps, now stared up in her face responsible beings, who could say more
+than half the Catechism. Her own little pets of school-days were grown
+out of knowledge into the uninteresting time of life, the "old age
+of childhood," and looked as if they found it equally difficult to
+recognize "little Miss" in a lady taller than Miss Wortley. Next
+followed the walk to Church, full of meetings and greetings, admiration
+of her growth, and inquiries after Sir Gerald.
+
+Yes, Marian did feel like the old self: her four years' absence was like
+a dream that had passed away, and was nothing to her; she could think
+only of home, home thoughts and home interests; the cares and the
+teasings, the amusements and the turmoils of Oakworthy and London, were
+as things far distant, which had never really concerned her, or
+belonged to some different state of existence. She was at home, as she
+continually said to herself; she felt as if she was in some way more in
+the presence of her parents, as if their influence was sheltering her,
+and shielding her from all external ill, as in the days of yore. Happy
+they who can return after four years' trial as Marian did.
+
+She was preparing for Confirmation; for, to her great joy, she was in
+time to form one of Mr. Wortley's own flock, He gave her half an hour
+every other morning; and now it was that all the difficulties raised
+in her mind in arguments with Caroline, doubts with right or wrong, or
+questions why and wherefore, were either solved or smoothed down. Her
+principles were strengthened, her views were cleared up; she learnt the
+reasons of rules she had obeyed in ignorance, and perceived her own
+failures and their causes.
+
+These were her graver hours. At other times she read, drew, and studied
+German with Agnes, who gladly availed herself of the aid of one well
+crammed by London masters, and who could not but allow, even to the
+credit of her enemies, that they had made Marian very accomplished.
+
+There were long walks to every well-remembered hill and dell, with
+further expeditions planned against the return of the boys, and numerous
+visits to old friends at the cottages to present Marian's gifts, which
+had fairly overpowered Saunders' powers of packing. Delightful walks,
+how different from the parade on the chalk roads, over high hedges,
+through gaps doubly fenced with thorns, scrambling, at the risk of
+neck us well as of dress, over piles of fern and ivy-covered rocks, or
+hopping across brooks on extemporised stepping-stones, usually in the
+very thick of some _mauvais pas_, discussing some tremendous point of
+metaphysics or languages and breaking off in it to scream at the beauty
+of the view, or to pity a rent muslin.
+
+Marian and Agnes talked considerably now, and, allowing for the
+difference in age, just as they used to do. Marian's fears of her own
+coldness and doubts of her confidence in Agnes had all melted in her
+native atmosphere, and were quite forgotten. She could speak of the
+Lyddells now, though still she did not find fault with them, nor make
+complaints; indeed, it was Agnes' abuse of them that made her first
+discover that she had a regard for them.
+
+This prejudice, as she began to call it, seemed to her unaccountable,
+since she had never written complainingly, until she found at last,
+(which made her inclined to treat it with more respect,) that it
+was founded on what Edmund had reported. He had come to Fern Torr
+immediately after his visit to Oakworthy, very much out of spirits, and
+had poured out his anxieties to his friends, talking of Mr. and Mrs.
+Lyddell with less caution than he had used with Marian, and lamenting
+over the fate of his poor little cousins like something hopeless. Marian
+thought of Gerald, and her heart failed her, then she hoped again, for
+Gerald was coming home, and then she understood what Edmund had thought
+of it all, and knew that it was perfectly consistent with his last
+conversation with her. So she said that was four years ago, and that
+Edmund was very kind.
+
+
+The time of Gerald's arrival came. Charles and James Wortley preceded
+him by about a fortnight, and all that Marian saw of them made her
+rejoice in such companionship for him. Mr. Wortley drove her to meet him
+at Exeter, and never was greeting more joyful. Lionel had sent her a
+message that Oakworthy would be as dull as ditch water without her,
+and if she did not come back before the end of the holidays, he should
+certainly be obliged to go back to Eton again to find something to do.
+Having delivered this message, Gerald made both his companions laugh by
+gazing about as if surprised to find Exeter still in the same place, and
+wondering at reading all the old names over the shops.
+
+Marian was delighted that he recognised all the torrs on the drive home,
+and very proud of his height, his beauty, and his cordial, well-bred
+gentlemanlike manners, which gave the Wortleys general satisfaction.
+
+The first thing he did was to go out and visit his old pony in the
+paddock, patting it very affectionately, though he seemed much surprised
+that it was so small.
+
+In the evening they went to the Manor House. Marian had spent many hours
+there, sat in the empty rooms, wandered in the garden, and mused on past
+days, or dwelt on them with Agnes, and she had looked forward with great
+pleasure to having her brother there.
+
+She wished to have had him alone, but he asked Agnes and the boys to
+come, and they all set out together up the rocky steps, Gerald far
+before the rest, and when Marian came up to him he was standing on the
+lawn, at the top of the steps, looking at the house.
+
+"I thought it was larger," exclaimed he.
+
+"But, Gerald, see how high the magnolia has grown, and how nice and
+smooth old Lapthorn keeps the lawn. Does it not look as if we had gone
+away only yesterday?"
+
+"Yes, and there is the little larburnum that we planted. How it is
+grown! But how very small the house is."
+
+By this time the door had been opened by the old housekeeper, and
+Marian, running up to her, exclaimed, "Here he is, Mrs. White! Come,
+come, Gerald, come and speak to Mrs. White!"
+
+Gerald came, but with no readiness of manner. His "how d'ye do?" was
+shy and cold, and not at all answerable to her eager, almost tearful,
+"Pretty well, thank you, Sir. It is something to see you at home again,
+Sir Gerald; so tall, and looking so well. 'Tis almost old times again,
+to see you and Miss Marian."
+
+He stood silent, and Agnes spoke, "Yes, Mrs. White, is not he grown? It
+does not seem to be so very long before we shall really have them here
+for good."
+
+"Ah! Miss Wortley, that is what I have always wished to live for; I have
+always said, let me only live to see Sir Gerald come back, and find
+things in order as he left them, and then I would die contented."
+
+"No, no, live to keep his house many more years," said Marian. "It is
+four years less now you know, Mrs. White; only eight more before we
+shall be able to live here. For, I suppose you would like to have me
+back too."
+
+"I don't know Miss Marian; you will he married long before that, such a
+fine young lady as you are grown to be."
+
+Marian laughed and passed on into the house, sorry that Gerald had taken
+no part in the conversation. They went into the drawing-room, that room
+where he had wept so bitterly the day before his departure. Again his
+observation was, "I thought this room was twice the size. And so low!"
+
+"You have been looking in at the large end of a telescope lately,
+Gerald," said his sister with some sorrow in her tone, as she sat down
+on one of the brown holland muffled sofas, and looked up at her father's
+portrait, trying to find a likeness there to the face before her. There
+was the same high brow, the same dark eyes, the same straight features,
+the same bright open smile. Gerald was more like it, in some respects,
+than he had been, but there was a haughty, impetuous expression now
+and then on eye, brow, and lip, that found no parallel in the gentle
+countenance which, to Marian's present feelings, seemed to be turned
+towards him with an air of almost reproachful anxiety.
+
+Perhaps he saw some of the sadness of her expression, and; always
+affectionate, wished to please her by manifesting a little more of the
+feelings which really still existed. He came and stood by her, and
+whispered a few caressing words, which almost compensated for the
+vexation his carelessness had occasioned. He looked earnestly at the
+picture for a few moments, then, turning away, suddenly exclaimed, "I
+should like to see the old dressing-room."
+
+This was Lady Arundel's morning room, where many a lesson had been
+repeated, many a game played, and where, perhaps, more childish
+recollections centered than in any other part of the house. The brother
+and sister went thither alone, and much enjoyed looking into every
+well-known corner, and talking of the little events which had there
+taken place. This lasted for nearly a quarter of an hour, when they
+rejoined their companions to make the tour of the garden, &c. All was
+pleasant here, Gerald recollected every nook, and was delighted to find
+so much unchanged.
+
+"Let us just look into the stable yard," said he, as they were coming
+away. It was locked, but a message to Mrs. White procured the key, and
+they entered the neat deserted court, without one straw to make it look
+inhabited, though the hutch where the rabbits had lived was still in its
+place; and even in one corner the reversed flower-pot, which Gerald
+well remembered to have brought there to mount upon, in order to make
+investigations into a blackbird's nest, in the ivy on the wall.
+
+He now used the same flower-pot to enable him to peep in at the hazy
+window of the stable, and still more lamentable was his exclamation,
+"Can this be all! How very small!"
+
+"Nothing but low and little, you discontented boy," said Agnes.
+
+"Why, really, I could not believe it was on such a small scale," said
+Gerald. "Marian, now is it possible there can be only six stalls here?"
+
+"Why, what would have been the use of more?" said Marian.
+
+"Ah! why to be sure, there was no one to ride much," said Gerald. "But
+yet I can hardly imagine it! What could my father have done in his
+younger days? Only six stalls! And no loose box. Well, people had
+contracted notions in those days! And the yard so small! Why, the one at
+Oakworthy would make four of it."
+
+"And you had really managed to persuade yourself that this was a grander
+place than Oakworthy?" said Marian.
+
+Gerald made no answer; but after walking backwards till he had a
+full view of the stable and surrounding regions, broke out into the
+exclamation, "I see what is to be done! Take down that wall--let in
+a piece of the kitchen garden--get it levelled--and then extend it a
+little on the right side too. Yes, I see."
+
+"You are not talking of spoiling this place!" cried Agnes, in dismay.
+
+"Spoiling! only making it habitable," said Gerald. "How can a man live
+here with a stable with six stalls, and nothing like a kennel?"
+
+The utter impossibility of such an existence was so strongly impressed
+on the mind of the young baronet, that as soon as tea was over he
+commenced a sketch of his future stables, adding various explanations
+for the benefit of Charles and James. There was almost a daily quarrel
+on the subject with Agnes, and much laughing on each side; but Marian,
+afraid of making him more determined, took no part in it.
+
+Much might happen in eight years to make him change his mind, and this
+stable in the clouds might be endured, if everything else had been fully
+satisfactory.
+
+Very happy were the boys next morning, setting off to the woods to study
+the localities of the game; very happy were they fishing and rabbit
+shooting; very happy, galloping over the country by turns on the two
+ponies; very happy were the whole party in pic-nic expeditions, and in
+merry evening sports; but these could not take up every hour and every
+minute; and Marian could not help observing, that while Charles and
+James could always find some work on which to be employed in the
+intervals, Gerald was idle and listless. There were hours in the morning
+when they had their Latin and Greek to study, while Gerald was usually
+loitering in the drawing-room. That he should voluntarily touch Latin
+or Greek in the holidays was perhaps more than mortal could expect;
+but that he should not read anything was disappointing. The vicarage
+afforded no periodical novels, no slang tales of low life, no manuals
+of sporting. The Waverley novels he had read long ago, and nothing of
+a more solid description would he touch; so his mornings were chiefly
+spent in drawing caricatures, and chattering to his sister and Agnes. He
+was indeed very amusing, but this was not all that could be desired. Now
+and then there were stories of feats which did not seem likely to be
+those of the best and wisest set of boys; and his idea of the life of
+a boy, if not of man, was plainly that it was to be spent in taking
+pleasure and shirking work. Then he took in a sporting paper, and used
+to entertain them with comments on the particulars of the races, and of
+bets, which no one in the house understood but himself; but these were
+never in the presence of either Mr. or Mrs. Wortley, where he was on his
+guard.
+
+In these intervals of idleness, Marian tried to persuade him several
+times to write to Edmund, who would be glad to have a report fresh from
+home. He always said he would soon set about a letter, but the time
+never came, though she more than once arranged pen, paper, and ink in
+readiness for him. He had recently received a letter from his cousin,
+but he had torn it up, and could not remember anything about the
+contents.
+
+Something between bashfulness and pride produced conduct which could
+not but appear like arrant haughtiness to the villagers, who had looked
+forward eagerly to seeing their young landlord. If Marian tried to
+bring him to speak to some poor old man, his answer was, "Give him this
+half-crown, then, that will do just as well!" and he walked off out
+of reach, while she remained to present the gift, and hear in answer,
+"Thank you kindly, Miss; I should like to see the young gentleman
+himself, but I daresay he does not like poor people."
+
+If this was the feeling where there was half-a-crown to sweeten the
+neglect, what was it where such a propitiatory offering was out of the
+question, and where the original connection had been closer, among the
+old servants, the dependants and tenants? His lofty acknowledgment
+of their bows,--his short, reluctant "Good morning," when forced to
+speak,--and his willingness to escape from their presence, contrasted
+ill with the cordial greetings with which his cousin Edmund had always
+hailed each Fern Torr person as a friend. Indeed, "that nice young
+gentleman, Master Edmund," began to be recollected with regrets, which,
+had the Manor been a kingdom, might have amounted to treason towards the
+young heir.
+
+Marian grieved at this behaviour, and would have attempted to argue
+him out of it, but he gave her scarcely any opportunity of a serious
+conversation; and Mr. Wortley gave him more than one hint, which, though
+be took it with perfect courtesy, never mended matters. Yet with all
+this, he was so agreeable, so good-natured and gentlemanlike, so
+pleasant a guest, and so affectionate a brother, that Mr. and Mrs.
+Wortley could not help liking him very much; and if they saw anything
+amiss, they did not pain his sister by speaking of it. Her misgivings
+were too vague and undetermined for her to be willing to consult
+Mr. Wortley; if she thought at one time that she would, she grew so
+frightened and reluctant whenever an occasion came, that she let it pass
+by; and she was divided between blame to herself for doing nothing, when
+a few words might be the rescue of her brother, and self-reproach for
+doing him cruel injustice.
+
+Nay, she even defended him more than once, when Agnes was shocked. She
+protected a shirt, illustrated by his own hand, in marking-ink, with
+cricketers, which caused infinite scandal to the washerwomen of Fern
+Torr. She defended slang words, which Agnes, from not understanding
+them, fancied worse than they really were; and she never failed to say
+he did not mean to be unkind, whenever he was neglectful of the poor
+people. She was displeased with herself afterwards for speaking in
+favour of these things, for she well knew them to be only parts of the
+whole system which grieved her; but still she could not help it.
+
+These thoughts were suspended by the solemn time approaching. Her
+confirmation-day came, and she stood among the maidens of her own home
+and village, who had been baptized in the same font, and shared with her
+the same instructions. Simultaneously with them she pronounced her vow;
+and perhaps it was a repining thought which crossed her mind,--"Why am
+I not like these, to remain in this peaceful nest, not sent forth to
+be wearied and tried by that glittering world of unrest, which I thus
+renounce?"
+
+She knelt to receive the blessing, which brought with it the trust that
+the peace of that moment might dwell with her, refresh her, and shield
+her "as oft as sin and sorrow tire." And when her eye fell on her
+brother, it was with more hope, for now she could better pray for him.
+Whatever might happen, it could never hurt the memory of that awful
+yet soothing hour, nor of that first Communion when she knelt near her
+parents' graves between Mrs. Wortley and Agnes; the whole air filled
+with the prayers of those on earth and in heaven who loved her best; nor
+of her walk in the garden afterwards with Mr. Wortley, when he plainly
+spoke to her of her life as one of peculiar trial and temptation, and
+warned her how to be in the world, and yet not of the world.
+
+The nest event of the visit to Fern Torr was Saunders' wedding. Saunders
+did not love Oakworthy, still less Mrs. Lyddell, and least of all Mrs.
+Price, the ladies' maid; and when she found herself at Fern Torr again,
+and heard Mr. David Chapple renew his tender speeches, the return
+thither became more and more difficult; and one day, while plaiting her
+young lady's hair, she communicated to her with a great gush of tears,
+that, though she could not bear to think of leaving her, and would not
+on any account cause her any inconvenience, she began to think it was
+time to think about her marriage.
+
+It was a stroke to Marian to hear of losing any old familiar face, and
+her look of dismay was a great satisfaction to Saunders; but she could
+bear it better than she could once have done, and there were reasons
+which made a change not so very much to be regretted even by her.
+The quarrels between Saunders and the rest of the household were not
+agreeable, and what she now felt to be a serious evil, was that habit of
+complaining to her, and telling her stories against the family, of which
+Edmund had warned her long ago. She had tried to discourage it, but,
+once begun, it had never been entirely discontinued; and Marian felt it
+to be wrong in every way.
+
+She made up her mind, therefore, with greater philosophy than could have
+been expected, to the loss of Saunders; and was further consoled by
+finding it gave hey an opportunity of promoting a nice young Fern Torr
+damsel, too delicate for hard work, who had been taught dressmaking, and
+whom Saunders undertook to instruct in the mysteries of the hair, quite
+sufficiently to carry her on till they went to London, and she could
+take lessons from some grand frizeur.
+
+Mrs. Lyndell was written to, and gave her consent to the hiring of
+Fanny, and Marian and Agnes were so delighted at the opening thus made
+for her, that Saunders would have been jealous if she had not been too
+happily engaged in her own preparations.
+
+As to Gerald he made a dreadful face when he first heard of Saunders'
+intentions; but as her going made no difference to his comfort, he soon
+became resigned. David was an old acquaintance, whom he liked because
+he belonged to the genus groom; so he made no objection to his sister's
+attending the wedding. He presented the bride with a tea-set, splendid
+with gilding, and surprised every one by walking into Mr. Wortley's
+kitchen in the midst of the bridal entertainment, and proposing the
+health of the happy pair.
+
+Marian was to return under Gerald's escort, at the end of the holidays.
+He was to go on to Eton, leaving her at the railway station, where she
+was to be met by the Lyddells' carriage. The last letter arrived,
+in which arrangements respecting time and train were to be finally
+confirmed. It was, as usual, from Caroline; and as she opened it, Marian
+gave a sudden start.
+
+"Eh?" said Gerald, "whose mare's dead? Not Elliot's Queen Pomare, I
+hope!"
+
+"No, but Miss Morley is going."
+
+"O!" cried Gerald, "I hope she has been reading some more letters."
+
+"Not quite," said Marian smiling.
+
+"Well, but is it directly? I suppose you did not think she was to stay
+there for life? Has she been in any mischief, that you look so shocked?"
+
+Marian really could not help discovering that she was not without
+tenderness of feeling for Miss Morley, and did not like to proclaim, in
+Caroline's strong and rather satirical language, across the breakfast
+table, that Mrs. Lyddell had discovered by accident that she and her
+pupil were in the habit of amusing themselves with novels which were
+far better unread. After reading quickly to the end of the letter, she
+answered, "O, she has been reading books with Clara that Mrs. Lyddell
+did not approve."
+
+"A triumph! a triumph!" cried Agnes. "Now Marian will never attempt to
+defend Miss Morley again."
+
+"What, not the poor unfortunate faithful? How can you think me so base?"
+returned Marian. "Besides, poor thing, she really is very kind-hearted,
+and has very little harm in her. I dare say it was more Clara's fault
+than hers,"
+
+"Well done, Marian, striking right and left!" observed James Wortley.
+
+"How long has Miss Morley been at Oakworthy?" asked Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"She came about a year before we did," replied Marian.
+
+"Her predecessor, Miss Cameron, must have been a very different person;
+Caroline and Walter always speak of her with such respect."
+
+"Poor unfortunate!" broke out Gerald. "Well, if it had not been for
+Marian's letters, I should not have hated her so much. When one was
+making a row, she never did anything worse than say, 'Now Sir Gerald!'"
+which he gave with her peculiarly unauthoritative, piteous, imploring
+drawl.
+
+"There was something in that title of 'poor unfortunate,' peculiarly
+appropriate," said Marian, laughing, "as I am afraid that it is now,
+poor thing. She is to leave Oakworthy immediately, and I do not know
+that she has any relation but an old aunt."
+
+Mr. and Mrs. Wortley agreed with Marian that it was a melancholy case,
+but the others were too triumphant to be compassionate; and Gerald
+amused Agnes half the morning with ludicrous stories of her
+inefficiency.
+
+Marian was thoughtful all day; and at last, when sitting alone with Mrs.
+Wortley and Agnes, exclaimed, "Poor Miss Morley! I really am very sorry
+for her; I did not know I liked her so well."
+
+"Absence is the great charm with Marian," said Agnes, laughing; "we
+learn now what makes her so affectionate to us."
+
+"No, but really, Agnes, when one has been living in constant intercourse
+for four years, and often receiving kindness from a person, is it
+possible to hear of her being sent away in disgrace and poverty without
+caring about it?"
+
+"O yes; I know; after having lived in the same house with a kitchen
+poker for four years, you get so attached to it that it gives you a pang
+to part with it. No, but the comparison is no compliment to the poker;
+that is firm enough, at any rate,--a down cushion would be better."
+
+"An attachment to a down cushion is nothing to be ashamed of, Agnes,"
+said her mother.
+
+"And Miss Morley did deserve some attachment, indeed," said Marian. "She
+was so ready to oblige, and she really did many and many a kind thing by
+the servants; and I believe she quite denied herself, for the sake of
+her old aunt. She was not fit for a governess, to be sure; but that was
+more her misfortune than her fault, poor thing."
+
+"How do you make that out?" said Agnes.
+
+"Why, she was obliged to got her own living; and what other way had
+she? She was educated for it, and had everything but the art of gaining
+authority."
+
+"And high principle," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"But," said Marian, growing eager in her defence, "she really did know
+right from wrong. She would remonstrate, and tell us things that were
+every word good and true, only she did it with so little force, that
+they were apt not to mind her; and then it was no wonder that she grew
+dispirited, and sunk into poor unfortunate."
+
+"Yes," said Agnes, "I can understand it all; she was in a situation that
+she was not fit for, and failed."
+
+"She would have been very different in another situation, most
+probably," said Mrs. Wortley, "where she and the children were not so
+much left to each other's mercy."
+
+"Yes; Mrs. Lyddell never mended matters," said Marian. "She did not back
+up or strengthen her, but only frightened her, till she was quite as
+ready to conceal what was amiss as her pupils. And that intimacy with
+Clara was a very unlucky thing; it drew her down without drawing Clara
+up."
+
+"I suppose that was the origin of the catastrophe," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"I should think so; they have been more alone together lately, for I am
+sure this could never have happened when Caroline was in the schoolroom.
+And her making a friend of Clara was no wonder, so forlorn and solitary
+as she must have been." And Marian sighed with fellow-feeling for her.
+
+"An intimate, not a friend," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"And I could better fancy making a friend of Miss Lyddell," said Agnes.
+"I can't say my tête-à-tête with Miss Clara made me desire much more of
+her confidence."
+
+"Clara is more caressing," said Marian. "I think I am most fond of her,
+though Caroline is--O! quite another thing. But what I wanted was to ask
+you, Mrs. Wortley, if you thought I might write to poor Miss Morley, and
+ask if there is anything I can do for her. I can't bear to think of her
+going away without wishing her good-bye, or showing any feeling for her
+in her distress."
+
+"How very right and kind of you, Marian," exclaimed Agnes, "after all
+her injustice--"
+
+"I do not think it would be advisable, my dear," said Mrs. Wortley; "it
+would seem like putting yourself in opposition to Mrs. Lyddell, and
+might be pledging yourself, in a manner, to recommend her, which, with
+your opinion of her, you could not well do."
+
+"O, no, no, except in some particular case. Yes, I suppose you are
+right; but I don't feel happy to take no notice."
+
+"Perhaps something may occur on your return, when you understand the
+matter more fully; or, at any rate, if you are writing to Oakworthy, you
+might send some message of farewell, kind remembrances, or love."
+
+"Those are so unmeaning and conventional that I hate them," said Marian.
+
+"Yes, but their want of meaning is their advantage here. They are merely
+kindly expressions of good will."
+
+"And they will mean more from you," added Agnes, "as you never have the
+civility to use them on ordinary occasions."
+
+"Well, I will take your advice," said Marian, "and thank you, Mrs.
+Wortley; I only wish--"
+
+The wish ended in a sigh, as Marian sat down to commence--"My dear
+Caroline."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+  "But we are women when boys are but boys;
+  Heav'n gives us grace to ripen and grow wise,
+  Some six years earlier. I thank heav'n for it:
+  We grow upon the sunny side of the wall."
+
+  TAYLOR.
+
+
+It certainly was quite involuntary on Agnes Wortley's part, but when
+the time came for returning to Oakworthy, Marian was conscious of more
+kindly and affectionate feelings towards it and its inhabitants than she
+had ever expected to entertain for them. She did not love Fern Torr or
+the Wortleys less; she had resumed her confidence and sympathy with
+Agnes, and felt the value of Mrs. Wortley more than ever; and it quite
+made her heart ache to think how long it would be before she saw another
+purple hill or dancing streamlet, and that she should not be there to
+see her dear old myrtle's full pride of blossom. But, on the other hand,
+her room at Oakworthy, with its treasures, was a sort of home; and she
+looked forward to it gladly, when once she was out of sight of the
+moors.
+
+The train had stopped and gone on again from the last station before
+that where they were to leave it for Oakworthy, when Gerald, coming
+across to the seat by her side, said, "Marian, I say, can you lend me a
+couple of pounds?"
+
+"Why, Gerald, what can you want with them?"
+
+"Never mind; only be a good girl, and let me have them."
+
+"You had plenty of money when you came to Fern Torr. How could you have
+got rid of it all?"
+
+"Come, come, Marian, don't be tiresome. Haven't I had to give to all the
+old women in the place?"
+
+"But do you really mean that you have no money?"
+
+"O yes, I have some, but not what I want. Come, I know you keep
+California in your pocket. What harm can it do you?"
+
+After all Marian's presents at Fern Torr, it was not quite as
+convenient, as Gerald fancied, to part with two pounds; but that was not
+the best motive to put forward, nor was it her reason for hesitating.
+
+"I don't know whether it is right; that is the thing, Gerald."
+
+"Right! why where is the right or wrong in it?"
+
+"I am afraid it may do you harm," said she, in a trembling, doubtful
+voice.
+
+"Stuff! I'll take care of that!"
+
+"If you would only tell me what you want it for?"
+
+"I tell you, Marian, I can't do without it; I don't know what I shall
+do, if you won't give it to me."
+
+"Debts! O Gerald, you have not got into debt?"
+
+"Well, and what do you look so scared about? Do you think they will kill
+me?"
+
+"O, Gerald, Gerald, this proves it all."
+
+"It? what?" said Gerald. "Come, don't be so like a girl! I have not been
+doing any thing wrong, I tell you, and it is all your fault if I can't
+get clear."
+
+"With such an allowance as you have, O Gerald, how could you? And how
+could you throw about money at home, when you knew you were in debt?"
+
+"You talk as if I had been ruining my wife and ten small children,"
+cried Gerald, impatiently. "A fine fuss about making a few pounds stand
+over till next half. But you women go headlong at it, never see the
+rights of a thing. So, you won't? Well, it is your doing now!"
+
+"I can't see any end to it," said Marian, reflectingly. "If I thought
+you would make a resolution--but you will be without money at all, and
+how are you to get through this half? O, Gerald! better write to Mr.
+Lyddell at once, and he will set you straight, and you can begin fresh."
+
+Gerald made a face of utter contempt. The steam whistle was heard; they
+were stopping. "There is an end of it, then" said he, angrily. "I did
+not think you had been so ill-natured; it is all your fault, I tell you.
+I thought you cared for me."
+
+This was dreadful; Marian's purse was in her hand, and she began "O
+Gerald dear, anything but that!"--when they found themselves close in
+front of the station, and Lionel pulling at the door of their carriage,
+and calling fiercely to the porter to unlock them.
+
+Caroline was standing on the platform, and there was a tumult of
+greetings and inquiries for luggage to be taken out and put in. Gerald
+ran to see that his goods were separated from his sister's; Lionel shook
+hands with Marian, and scolded her for staying away all the holidays;
+roared to the porter that his portmanteau was for Slough, then turned
+again to say, "You've heard of poor unfortunate, Marian?"
+
+The bell rang; Gerald ran back; Marian knew she was weak, but could
+not help it,--she squeezed the two sovereigns into his hand, and was
+comforted for the moment by his affectionate farewell. Lionel and he
+threw themselves into their carriage, and were whisked off.
+
+"There!" said Caroline. "Now come along. O, I am so glad you are come; I
+have so much to say."
+
+Marian could not dwell on Gerald; she put her arm within Caroline's,
+looked back to see Fanny safe under the care of an Oakworthy footman,
+and soon was in the carriage.
+
+"Well, Caroline; and how is every one?"
+
+"Pretty well, considering the revulsion of ideas we have all undergone.
+Poor Miss Morley left plenty of farewells for you. You can't think haw
+pleased she was with your message."
+
+"Poor thing! Where is she?"
+
+"At her aunt's; she went on Monday. Mamma was impatient to have it over.
+You know her ways."
+
+Marian knew that this intimated that Caroline thought her mother had
+not been kind; and she doubted whether to continue her inquiries;
+but Caroline was too eager to tell, to wait for questions, and
+proceeded:--"There had been dissatisfaction for a long time, as I
+believe you may have guessed; mamma thought Clara backward, and wanting
+in what Miss Morley calls 'the solid;' and at last, coming suddenly into
+the schoolroom at twelve o'clock one fine day, she found reason good,
+for they were very comfortably reading M. Eugene Sue."
+
+"O, Caroline, impossible!"
+
+"Too possible," said Caroline, "though I would not believe it at first.
+However, they did not know what it was when they began, and were
+afterwards too much bewitched with the story to leave off; and as they
+felt it was wrong, they read it the more constantly to get it over
+faster."
+
+"But how in the world could they get such a book?"
+
+"From the circulating library. It appears that they found the evenings
+rather dull in London this spring, when we were all out, and so began a
+little secret hiring, which was continued at Oakworthy, and with a worse
+choice of books."
+
+"That she should be so little to be trusted!"
+
+"Nay, Marian, who could live with her half-an-hour in the schoolroom,
+and think she could?"
+
+"Certainly, she often puzzled me when first I came."
+
+"And you never saw the worst. You always kept order, after you came."
+
+"O, Caroline, what nonsense!"
+
+"Yes, indeed you did. I do assure you that, scores of times, the
+knowledge that your great eyes were wondering at me has kept me from
+bullying Miss Morley into letting me do what I knew to be wrong. I could
+persuade her and deceive myself, but I could not persuade you; and then
+all the rest went for nothing, because you were sure to be right."
+
+"It is very easy to see the right for other people," said Marian, with
+rather a sad smile.
+
+"Yes, only other people don't mind that, unless you do the right
+for yourself; and that is the thing in you, Marian. If you had said
+anything, I should not have minded it half so much; but your 'I don't
+know,' cut me home."
+
+"I am sorry--"
+
+"No, don't be sorry, for I am glad. If you had not come before all the
+good of Miss Cameron had gone off from me, what should I have been? O,
+Marian, I am very glad you are come back; I did not know I liked you
+half so well till you were gone."
+
+"I am sure I might say the same" almost whispered Marian, in a choked
+tone, under her bonnet. Caroline caught it up eagerly, and seizing her
+by both hands, exclaimed, stooping forward to peep at her face, "Marian,
+Marian, do you say so? And are you really not so very miserable at
+coming back to us?"
+
+A tear, one of Marian's very reluctant tears, actually rushed from her
+eye, and with a hard struggle to speak, she said, "Miserable! how can
+you say so? You are so very kind to me."
+
+"And do you not hate us?" said Caroline, with, an arch look of delight,
+then softened into something of mournfulness. "Nay, I did not mean that;
+but you can bear to be with us after your own Agnes,--after those good
+people,--after such a home as Fern Torr?"
+
+"O, Caroline, this is very unlike my first coming to you!"
+
+"Yes, I know we were not kind; we were not as we ought to have been to
+you."
+
+"No, no, no; I was stiff and disagreeable; I would not be pleased," said
+Marian, forgetting all coldness but her own.
+
+"No wonder. O, Marian," and Caroline's voice trembled, "no one knows
+better than I do how much there is to be lamented in our ways of going
+on,--how different our house is from Fern Torr." Marian could not say
+no. "You were too good for us; you are still, I would not see you like
+us; but if we could make you comfortable enough to think Oakworthy not
+an exile, but something like a home, how glad I should be!"
+
+Marian laid her hand on Caroline's arm; and, with an effort that cost
+her a spasm in her throat, she said, "You have!" Not another word could
+she get out; but this was enough. Caroline kissed her for the first time
+in her life, except at the formal partings at bed-time, and there were
+tears on both their faces. After a time, Caroline broke into the flood
+of thoughts in her cousin's mind, by saying, playfully, "When folks are
+missed, then they are mourned, people say; and I am sure you deserve the
+compliment, for till you were gone, I never knew your value. How many
+silly fancies of Clara's have flourished, for want of your indifference
+to put them down! How stupid it has been not to have you to read with,
+or talk to! How lonely the drawing-room has been, and nothing but
+nonsense if I went to the schoolroom. And then the boys,--Lionel has
+been so unruly there was no bearing it, and grumbling for you every day;
+and Johnny,--O, Marian, do you know it is settled that Johnny goes to
+sea, after all?"
+
+"Johnny! I know he wished it, but I thought Mrs. Lyddell never would
+make up her mind to it."
+
+"Ah! there have been storms in the higher quarters," said Caroline, with
+would-be gaiety. "You are very lucky to have been away all this time,
+for it has been by no means a serene sky. You know," she proceeded with
+gravity, "they say the times are bad; well, in the midst of papa's
+vexation at the tenants asking for a reduction of rent, in came a whole
+lot of Elliot's long bills, which made papa lecture Walter and me one
+whole evening on economy, and caused him to be extremely annoyed with
+everything and everybody, and to say mamma must give up her opposition
+to Johnny's being a sailor; and I never saw mamma take anything so
+really to heart. It has been very uncomfortable; and in the midst came
+this business of poor Miss Morley, who had rather harder measure in
+consequence."
+
+"Poor little woman! Well, she was very good-natured," said Marian, glad
+to turn the conversation from this account of family matters, not given
+in the pleasantest style, but rather as if Caroline was trying to
+conceal her real feelings by an air of satire.
+
+"She was like a child in authority. You see, we, who know her well,
+never think of blaming her as if she had originated the mischief; while
+mamma, who never did know her, cannot be persuaded that she simply
+yielded to Clara."
+
+"That is not exactly the object one desires in a governess," said
+Marian. "Well, poor thing! and how is Clara? is she very sorry?"
+
+"I really can hardly tell. I have been vexed with Clara myself, to tell
+you the truth; for I thought she acted shabbily. The blame passed over
+her, and lighted on Miss Morley; and she did not stretch out a hand to
+help her. Now Clara knew that it was wrong to read those books, just as
+well as you or I; indeed, it was all her doing; and I could not bear
+to see, her thinking herself innocent, and led into the scrape by Miss
+Morley. She did cry excessively, and was very unhappy when she found
+Miss Morley was really going, and the parting was heart-rending; but
+then the very next day, in spite of their confidential friendship, she
+began to disclose the poor woman's follies one after another, till I am
+quite tired of hearing of them. They must have grown much worse than
+they were in our time. I never knew then that she was always fancying
+people were in love with her."
+
+"T wonder what she will do!"
+
+"She would not be a bad governess where the mother looked after the
+children. Well, I hope she will soon get another situation, poor thing!"
+
+"Yes, indeed, for I am afraid she never saved anything."
+
+"O, no, she frittered all her money away, and always was poor at
+quarter-day; and she has only that old aunt to take care of her."
+
+"Poor thing, poor thing! If she would but have been firmer. And is Clara
+to have another governess?"
+
+"No, mamma thinks her too old; but I am sure I hope she is to develope
+more. I do not think you or I were like her at fifteen."
+
+"I think," said Marian, meditatively, "that Miss Morley and Clara helped
+what--was not wise in each other."
+
+"Yes, that is my hope,--that when Clara is out of her influence, she may
+grow wiser. People's minds do grow at different times, you know. Poor
+little Clara! I want Walter to talk to her, but it is hard to bring
+about; for they seem to have no common subject. Ours is a very odd
+household; we all go our own ways in our own worlds. Papa and mamma each
+have their way; and Elliot his way. Walter stands alone too; then I am a
+sort of connecting-link between the schoolroom set and mamma,--yes, and
+with Walter too: while the three boys are a party by themselves. O,
+Marian, no wonder you did not like us."
+
+"Say no more of that, pray, Caroline."
+
+She made no answer, but after a pause, suddenly exclaimed, "Nothing
+would matter, if it was not for Elliot. He is the root of all that has
+gone wrong."
+
+"Is he at home?"
+
+"No; he went last week, and the storm lulled then. O, Marian, I am weary
+of it all! But it is one comfort that you are come."
+
+Caroline certainly looked very much harassed, and her words showed that
+every one had been out of temper, and she had been obliged to bear it
+all. Marian was very sorry, and felt quite fond of her, as she answered,
+with a kind tone, "Thank you."
+
+"Walter has been the only comfort; but then he has been very unhappy
+too. I am afraid he knows more and worse of Elliot than he chooses to
+tell me. And then he is so busy,--going up for his degree, you know,
+after the vacation, and so nervous about it, that I have not liked to
+talk to him about anything tiresome, because, poor fellow, he is
+quite worried enough already. Well, but now tell me about pleasanter
+things--your pretty Agnes, how is she? and Gerald?--I wanted to have
+seen more of him. Was not he in glory?"
+
+"O, yes," said Marian, as a pang shot through her at this recall of her
+anxieties.
+
+"And tell me the whole story of Saunders' wedding."
+
+The two cousins had so much to say, that the long reaches of white chalk
+road and the bare downs had hardly time to pain Marian's eye; and she
+was surprised so soon to find herself in the well-known street of
+Oakworthy.
+
+It was not a hopeful prospect with which to return, after so happy a
+summer as she had spent; and yet a degree of trouble gave Marian a
+kindlier feeling towards the Lyddells. If it had not been for Gerald,
+she would have arrived at Oakworthy in a bright temper. Even now the
+discontent had been expelled by the dispositions fostered by Mr.
+Wortley; and if there was a weight on her, it was not a burthen of
+selfish repining,--the worst burthen of all. That Caroline had really
+missed her,--that Caroline loved her,--was a discovery that warmed
+her heart, and inclined her more than all before to look kindly on
+Oakworthy, when she drove up to the door, and met Clara in the hall.
+
+Clara hung upon her, and overwhelmed her with kisses; Mrs. Lyddell
+received her just as she had done before; and Walter shook hands
+cordially, as if he was very glad to see her again. The talk went on
+about visits and engagements, and each moment made Marian feel that her
+Sunday world had passed from her, and her workday world begun again.
+
+Clara came to her room with her, partly to see her new maid, and partly
+to talk with her about Miss Morley; but Marian, not wishing to have
+Fanny immediately astonished by her random way of talking, gave a sort
+of stern look and sign, which silenced poor Clara on that subject. There
+were plenty more, however, and she talked on fast; indeed, Marian had
+not two minutes alone that whole evening, till, somewhere towards
+half-past eleven, her cousins bade her a final good-night.
+
+She had time at last to think over that parting with Gerald, which had
+hung heavily on her all this time, without her being able to enter upon
+the subject with herself. What did it mean? Was it so very bad a sign?
+Did it really confirm all her fears? or was it not possible that he
+might have got into some chance difficulty? Might he not be careless and
+extravagant, without being seriously in fault? Yes; but this was but of
+a piece with other things which she had observed. Alone, it might not
+have been so alarming; but even apart from this, she could not be quite
+happy about him, after all she had observed. And had she been weak? had
+she done what was bad for him? O, for some one to consult!--some one
+under whose charge to put him! Was it her own fault that she had missed
+the opportunity with Mr. Wortley!
+
+To pray for him was all that could be done, and it in some degree
+stilled that aching feeling in her heart. Yet, whenever she woke in the
+night, she seemed to hear Caroline saying, "If it was not for Elliot!"
+with a foreboding that "If it was not for Gerald!" might be on her
+tongue in the same manner, for the rest of her life.
+
+Every time Gerald's name was mentioned, there was a pang; every time
+she thought of him in solitude, the fear and anxiety gained strength.
+Consciousness of ignorance added to its poignancy; and young as she was,
+it would be hard to describe how much suffering she underwent in secret,
+night after night, as she lay awake, in her perplexed musings on that
+one absorbing thought. Yet they were like those vague nightly terrors
+of wolves, darkness, or mysterious horrors, from which little children
+often suffer so much, without revealing them, and entirely shake off by
+day; for Marian awoke in the morning to cheerfulness and activity, with
+spirits undepressed, full of interest in things around; and only when
+reminded of her fears, secretly wincing at the sudden throb of pain.
+
+Marian's days were more at her own disposal than formerly. She might do
+as she pleased all the morning,--sit in her own room, and choose her own
+occupation; and she was just beginning to think over two or three bright
+plans of usefulness. She would make a series of copies, from prints, of
+Scripture subjects, for the Fern Torr children; she would translate some
+stories for them, and she had devised many other things to be done; when
+Caroline one day said to her, "Marian, I don't know if it is asking a
+great deal, but if you could sit with us sometimes in the morning, it
+would be a great gain. Mamma wants me to read with Clara. Now, you know
+I have no authority; and doing it for a lesson, as if it was for Clara's
+good, will only make her hate it, and pay no attention at all. But if we
+read together, as if it was for our own benefit, she will join in, and
+think it a womanly thing."
+
+Marian smiled at the ingenuity of the scheme, such as she would have
+been a great deal too awkward, as well as too straightforward ever to
+devise. It was a case where "no" could not have been said, but there
+were many ways of acting a no; and Marian was so sorry to give up the
+Scripture drawings, the idea of which had greatly delighted her when
+proposed by Agnes, that she had it in her heart to have backed out of it
+as often as she could. A little thought, however, convinced her, that to
+help Caroline's plans for her sister's good was the foremost duty, that
+to avoid it would be positive wrong and unkindness; so she resolved
+to lend herself to it with all her might, even though Agnes might be
+disappointed.
+
+And pray, why should Agnes be disappointed? Why were the drawing and
+reading incompatible? Marian had taught herself to think it impossible
+to do anything for Fern Torr, in public, for fear of being laughed at,
+or observed upon; and these drawings, which were of sacred subjects, and
+further involved some alterations of her own, would, she thought, be
+worse than any. She mused a long time whether this was right feeling or
+foolish bashfulness, and decided at last that it was a little of the
+former trying to justify a great deal of the latter, and that Caroline
+and Clara were not the same thing as Miss Morley and all the boys; so
+with an effort, which, considering the occasion, was almost absurd in
+its magnitude, she brought her portfolio down, began to draw, and did
+not experience anything unpleasant in consequence. It was one of her
+first practical lessons in the fancifulness of her shyness. Her cousins
+took interest in what she was about, admired, and helped her to hunt
+up subjects to make her series complete; indeed the three girls were
+exceedingly comfortable together, and a pleasant, mutual good-feeling
+constantly grew between them. Clara was certainly becoming less childish
+and silly when no longer nominally under the authority of Miss Morley,
+and the confidante of all her follies, but the companion of two sensible
+girls, young and bright enough to enter into all the liveliness about
+her that was not silliness and a great deal that was, and to drive away
+some of her nonsense by laughing at it.
+
+The mornings were thus pleasant and satisfactory, the afternoons were
+less certain to be agreeable. If there was a ride, it was delightful,
+if a walk, it was all very well; but there was a third contingency, to
+which Marian had become liable, of being carried forth with her green
+card-case on a morning visiting expedition by Mrs. Lyddell, and this was
+one which required all her powers of resignation, though the misfortune
+was much more imaginary than real.
+
+There were three chances of the way of spending the evening too. The
+first, the family party alone, this was pretty well, and though not
+charming, was by far the best; Mrs. Lyddell's talk was agreeable, and to
+sit with Caroline, and perhaps with the addition of Walter, at the small
+table, working, reading, and talking, was as quiet and comfortable a way
+of passing the time as might be. A dinner party at home was next best,
+for she had her own quiet corners of conversation, and Walter would
+sometimes come and take shelter there too, and get into a talk, as well
+as if the room were empty of company, sometimes better, because his
+mother could not hear him, and he was never so backward in telling his
+real mind, as in her hearing. Worst of all was a party from home, where
+she knew few persons, and disliked all she knew.
+
+Unhappily, this was generally her feeling towards all the neighbourhood;
+and though it may seem to be a strong expression, it is scarcely too
+much to say that in Marian's habitual frame she looked on every one that
+could be considered as company in the light of natural enemies, leagued
+to prevent her walks and rides, to tease her, and to spoil her evenings.
+
+This was partly the result of her constitutional shyness, but it would
+have gone off, by this time, if she had not fostered it by imbibing Lady
+Marchmont's exclusiveness. Marian would have been shocked to realize how
+she despised and scorned her acquaintance--why? the answer would have
+been hard to find--because they were company--because they were the
+world--because they were Mrs. Lyddell's society--because she was
+superior? How or why? She disdained them all, without knowing it, and
+far less knowing why. She complied scrupulously with every rule of
+formal politeness, and had become a tolerable mistress, by rote, of such
+common-place small talk as served to fulfil her part, and make her not
+feel herself absurd, but this was all; she would not let herself be
+pleased or amused, she would not open her eyes to anything good or
+agreeable about the people, except a very few favoured ones, chiefly
+clergymen or their wives.
+
+It was very wrong, it was Marian's one great fault at this period of her
+life, and it had the effect of making her almost disliked. Clara had
+scarcely said too much in telling Agnes that her pride was often
+remarked, for Mrs. Lyddell's neighbours were just the people to fancy
+pride where it was not, especially where the rank was superior to their
+own. Tall, handsome, and outwardly self-possessed, Miss Arundel did not
+gain credit, from superficial observers, for shyness, and was looked
+upon as a very haughty ungracious girl, while it was whispered that Mrs.
+Lyddell had had a great deal of trouble with her.
+
+The autumn passed on in this manner, and towards its close, Elliot
+returned from shooting in Scotland, and announced that his friend, Mr.
+Faulkner, was coming to Oakworthy, to look at an estate, which was for
+sale in the neighbourhood.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was pleased, and questioned her son about Mr. Faulkner's
+thousands a-year; then turning to Marian, said,
+
+"Surely, Marian, you know him; I heard of your meeting him and Lady
+Julia at Lady Marchmont's."
+
+"Yes," said Marian, with her face of rigidity.
+
+"Ah! yes, to be sure, he told me so," said Elliot.
+
+"Any one but Marian would be impatient to know what he said of her,"
+said Caroline.
+
+"Do you want to know yourself, Caroline?" said Elliot; "shall I tell
+you?"
+
+"Yes, do," said Caroline, in her curiosity, forgetting that Marian might
+be pained.
+
+"Ah! you ought to be warned if you want to set your cap at him, for
+she has forestalled you. Let me see, what was it he said? O, that Lady
+Marchmont would scarcely be alone in her glory long, for, for such as
+liked the style of thing, her cousin was as perfect a piece of carving
+in white marble as he ever had seen."
+
+White marble was certainly not the comparison for Marian's cheeks at
+that moment; it was pain and horror to her even to hear that she had
+been spoken of between Elliot and Mr. Faulkner, and to be told it in
+this manner, in public, was perfectly dreadful. She could neither sink
+under the table nor run away, so with crimson face and neck, she kept
+her post on the sofa, and every one saw she was intensely annoyed.
+Elliot, who had told it in a mischief-making spirit, fancying he should
+make his sister jealous, walked away, amusing himself with the notion
+that he had sown the dragon's teeth; Caroline was very sorry to have
+caused such painful blushes, yet was proud to hear of Marian's being
+admired; and Mrs. Lyddell said not a word, but worked on with a jerk at
+her thread, trying to persuade herself that she was not vexed that, as
+Elliot said, her daughter had been forestalled.
+
+Marian did not recover herself sufficiently to say one word about Mr.
+Faulkner till she was in her own room, and then when Caroline came, to
+pity her for her blushes, and apologize for having occasioned them, she
+said, "O! how I wish he was not coming!"
+
+"Why, don't you like him in return for his admiration?"
+
+"He is a horrible man!" said Marian.
+
+"Horrible, and why? What has he done to you? I am sure you are very
+ungrateful."
+
+"Don't talk of it," said Marian, blushing furiously again, then
+recollecting that she might give rise to a suspicion that he had already
+said something to her, she added, "I don't--I don't mean anything about
+that nonsense."
+
+"Well, but what do you mean? Is it really anything more than his being
+Elliot's friend, and having dared to--."
+
+"No, but Caroline, don't say anything about it; it was what I heard
+about him at the Marchmonts."
+
+"O what?"
+
+"It does not seem fair to tell how they talked over their guests, so
+don't repeat it again, pray."
+
+"You seem to find it like having a tooth drawn. Well! I am sworn to
+secrecy. I won't tell a living creature."
+
+"I am sure I know hardly anything, only that Lord Marchmont thinks very
+badly of him, and was quite sorry he had been asked to dinner. And he
+spoke of his having taken up Germanism, and oh! Caroline, for a man's
+faith to be unsettled is the worst of all, for then there is nothing to
+fall back upon."
+
+Caroline stood by Marian's fire, looking thoughtful for some moments.
+"Yes," she said, "you and Walter are in the same mind there, but it is
+not like what I was brought up to think. Miss Cameron used to teach us
+that the being in earnest in believing was the thing rather than the
+form of faith."
+
+"O, Caroline, that cannot be right. We have been commanded to hold one
+form of faith, and it must be wrong to set up another and hold it."
+
+"Yes, but if people are not clear that only one was given to every one,
+and that just as we say it is?"
+
+"Then it is very bad of them!" said Marian indignantly, "for I am sure
+the Bible is quite clear--one faith--the form of sound words--the faith
+once delivered to the saints."
+
+"I am quite clear about it," said Caroline.
+
+"O, of course," said Marian, looking at her with a sort of alarm at her
+speaking of the possibility as regarded herself of not being clear.
+
+"But if people are not clear, what are they to do?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, quickly; "only I hope I shall never have
+anything to do with such people; I can't judge for them; I had rather
+not think about them; it is of no use."
+
+"Of no use--what, not if you could do such a person good?"
+
+"Only in this way," said Marian, taking up her Prayer Book, and turning
+to the Collect for Good Friday.
+
+"Yes, but trying to convince?"
+
+"I should be afraid."
+
+"Afraid! Marian, I am sure nothing could hurt your faith."
+
+"I would not try," said Marian, shaking her head sadly.
+
+"But at that rate no one ever would be converted?"
+
+"You forget that there are clergymen."
+
+"Yes, but other people have done good."
+
+"O yes, but not women by arguing. O no, no, Caroline, we never ought to
+put our weakness forward, as if it could guard the truth. You know the
+wrong side may find stronger arguments than we are able to do--mind I
+don't say than can be found--of course truth is the strongest of all,
+but we may be overpowered, though the truth is not. We women should not
+stand out to argue for the truth any more than we should stand out to
+fight as champions in the right cause."
+
+"And is this the reason you never would argue?"
+
+"I don't know--I mean no, it was only because I had nothing to say; I
+knew when a thing was right, but could not tell why, and the more you
+asked, the more I did not know."
+
+"And do you know now?"
+
+"Sometimes," said Marian, "not often, but Mr. Wortley taught me some
+things, and one grows up to others. But I could never explain even when
+I know."
+
+"For instance--" said Caroline, laughing.
+
+"O that came, I don't know how. Have I said so much?"
+
+"A great deal that is very nice. Good night, Marian."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+  "She seemed some nymph in her sedan,
+  Apparelled in exactest sort,
+  And ready to be borne to court."
+
+  COWPER.
+
+
+Mr. Faulkner came at the time appointed, and Caroline, who had kept
+Marian's counsel, according to promise, was very curious to see how they
+would behave towards each other. As to Marian, she was just what might
+be expected,--more cold, distant, and stately than she had ever been to
+the most vulgar of Mrs. Lyddell's acquaintance. She gave a chilling bend
+to repel his attempt at shaking hands, made replies of the shortest when
+he tried to talk to her, and would not look up, or put on the slightest
+air of interest, at all the entertaining stories he was telling at
+dinner.
+
+The others were all extremely pleased with him. Elliot had never before
+brought home so agreeable a friend; a person who could talk of anything
+but hunting and racing was a new thing among his acquaintance, and
+every one was loud in his praise. Caroline, from having been prejudiced
+against him by Marian's history, was more surprised than the others:
+and scolded Marian, in the evening, for not having told them how very
+agreeable he was.
+
+"I never can think any one agreeable when I know there is hollowness
+within," said Marian.
+
+"I suppose Lord Marchmont knows," said Caroline, in a tone of annoyance
+and of a little doubt; and there the conversation ended.
+
+Few people were ever more agreeable than Mr. Faulkner. He had read
+everything, travelled everywhere, and was full of conversation suited to
+every one. If Marain had not heard Lord Marchmont's account of him, she
+must have liked him; but knowing what she did, she could and would not:
+looking at him something as Madame Cottin's Matilde first looked at
+Malek Adel, and not suffering herself to lose any of her horror. For the
+first day or two her frigidity was something wonderful, as she found
+him inclined to make attempts to cultivate her acquaintance; but she
+thoroughly succeeded in repelling him. He left off trying to talk to
+her; and one day when they were obliged to go in to dinner together,
+only exchanged the fewest and most formal of words with her, and
+positively neglected her for his other neighbour.
+
+After this, Marian did not quite so much overdo her stateliness. She
+could afford to be like herself with the others, even when he was in the
+room, though she never voluntarily took part in a conversation in
+which he was engaged, and her coldest air came over her whenever he
+approached. And it was well for her she could be so; for he stayed more
+than a fortnight, decided on buying the estate of High Down, and was
+asked to come again and make his head-quarters at Oakworthy, while
+superintending the alterations. All were sorry when he went; even the
+boys, whose first holiday week had been rendered very agreeable by his
+good nature. Johnny and Gerald vied with each other in his praise,
+heaping together a droll medley of schoolboy panegyrics; and Marian, not
+wishing to tell them of her objections, allowed that he had been very
+kind to them.
+
+The Christmas holidays passed, and left no change in the impression on
+her mind regarding Gerald; only she heard no news of her two sovereigns,
+and he did not so much as give her the opportunity of speaking to him
+alone. The heartache was growing worse than ever, and she was beginning
+to have a sort of desperate feeling that she would--she would--do she
+knew not what--write to Mr. Wortley--write more strongly to Gerald than
+she had ever yet dared to do--when one morning, a foreign looking letter
+arrived, in handwriting she knew full well, though it had never before
+been addressed to herself. There was company staying in the house, and
+Marian was not sorry it was impossible to read it at the breakfast
+table. She did not know what she was eating or what she was saying, and
+ran away with it as soon as she could, to enjoy it in her own room. A
+letter from Edmund! Could it be possible, or could it--O disappointing
+thought!--be only some enclosure for her to forward. In alarm at the
+idea, she tore it open. A long letter, and quite certainly to herself;
+for there stood the three welcome words, "My dear Marian." She glanced
+hastily down the first page, to make sure that there was nothing the
+matter; but no, it was all right--he wrote in his own lively style. He
+began by saying it was so long since he had heard from England, that he
+was growing afraid he was forgotten, and felt very small when the post
+came in, and brought something for every one but him; and he was going
+to try a fresh person, since he was growing desperate, and had sent
+appeals in vain to all his correspondents. He asked many questions about
+home friends, and about Marian herself; and then told much to
+interest her about his own doings, his way of living, and his hunting
+expeditions, with all the strange wild beasts with which they had made
+him acquainted, and he concluded thus:--"I hope you will write soon, and
+that you will be able to give me a flourishing account of Gerald. His
+silence may mean nothing, but it may also mean so much, that to hear
+he is going on particularly well would be double satisfaction just
+at present. Therefore with a view to what passed in our last walk at
+Oakworthy, tell me if you are completely satisfied with regard to him."
+
+It was a ray of light upon all Marian's perplexities; showing her what
+course to take, and filling her with hope. Her confidence in Edmund's
+power of setting everything right was still unchanged, and when Gerald's
+case was fully before him, he would know how to judge, and what to do;
+it would all be safe and off her mind. She felt sure that this had been
+the very reason of his writing; and full of gratitude, and infinitely
+relieved, she opened her desk, as if to answer was the easiest and most
+comfortable thing in the world.
+
+She did not, however, get on quite as fast as she expected; she dreaded
+equally the saying too much, or too little,--the giving Edmund actually
+a bad impression of her poor Gerald, or letting him think that there was
+no cause for anxiety. Then she thought the best way would be merely to
+give the facts, and let him draw his own conclusions; but these facts
+were in themselves trifles light as air, and it seemed unkind to send
+them across half the world. She left off trying to write, and resolved
+to give herself time for consideration; but time only made her more
+perplexed. She waited a week, wrote at last, and as soon as her letter
+was fairly gone, thought of forty different ways of saying the thing
+better and more justly, dwelt again and again on each line that could
+convoy a false impression one way or the other, and reproached herself
+by turns for having spoken disadvantageously of her dear affectionate
+brother, and for not having let her cousin fairly see the full extent of
+the mischief. On the whole, however, she was much happier now that it
+was all in Edmund's hands; so much so, that when Mr. Faulkner came
+again, she could not be quite so stiff; and being entirely relieved
+from the fear of his taking notice of her, could do him the favour of
+laughing when he told anything amusing.
+
+Winter and early spring came and went; the Easter holidays brought
+Gerald home, and she tried again in vain to get him to write to Edmund;
+but she could bear it better now that she had hopes.
+
+They went to London, and Marian was carried into the midst of all the
+gaieties supposed to befit her age and situation. Mrs. Lyddell would
+have thought herself very far from "doing her justice," if she had
+not taken her to all the balls and parties in her way; and Marian was
+obliged to submit, and get into the carriage, when she had much rather
+have gone to bed.
+
+She put off the expectation of much enjoyment till Lady Marchmont should
+come, and her arrival took place unusually late that season. She had
+not been well, and little Willie had been somewhat ailing; so that the
+bringing him into London air was put off as long as possible. It was not
+till the latter part of May that she came, as she had always promised to
+do, in time for Marian's presentation at court, on which both she and
+Mrs. Lyddell were bent; and Marian ready to endure it, by the help of a
+few romantic thoughts of loyalty. The day after Lady Marchmont arrived,
+she called at Mrs. Lyddell's and came in, as she generally did once in
+a year. After her visit was over, she asked Marian to come and take a
+drive, and no sooner where they in the carriage, than she exclaimed, "A
+nice looking girl, that Miss Lyddell! Is she the one who is to marry Mr.
+Faulkner?"
+
+"O, Selina! how could you have heard such nonsense?"
+
+"What, is it to be denied? It is not settled, then?"
+
+"No, nor ever will be."
+
+"Why, surely the man has been spending months at Oakworthy."
+
+"Only weeks; besides, he was buying a house."
+
+"A very proper preliminary to a wife."
+
+"O, no, no it is impossible!"
+
+"But why? Perhaps you know some good reason to the contrary; for I heard
+he admired you very much when he met you last year."
+
+"Don't say such things, Selina. How could you fancy it possible, after
+all the horrid things Lord Marchmont said of him!"
+
+"What is impossible, my dear? That he should think you very handsome?"
+
+"Don't, Selina, pray don't! That any body good for any thing should ever
+marry him!"
+
+"Any body good for any thing!" repeated Selina. "Well, granted,--and
+it is a considerable grant,--does that make the supposition out of the
+question?"
+
+"Yes, as regards Caroline. O, Selina! you do not know Caroline, or you
+would not look so incredulous!"
+
+"Time will show," said Lady Marchmont, gaily. "I reserve to myself the
+satisfaction of having known it beforehand."
+
+"It never will be," said Marian. "And how is little Willie?"
+
+"Very well, poor little man, if he would only grow, but he is so small,
+that I am fairly ashamed to show such a hop-o'-my-thumb. But he is
+coming out quite a genius; he reads as well as I do, and makes the
+wisest speeches."
+
+And the history of his wise speeches occupied them for some time, with
+other matters, until just as their drive was nearly concluded, Selina
+exclaimed, "But all this time I have never asked you if you can throw
+any light on this extraordinary step of Edmund Arundel's?"
+
+"What do you mean?" cried Marian.
+
+"Have you not heard that he has exchanged, and is coming home? The most
+foolish thing,--just as he might have been sure of promotion. It is not
+likely to be health, for the climate agreed very well with him."
+
+"Yes," assented Marian, wrapt in her own thoughts; "but did he write to
+you?"
+
+"Not a word; we only saw it in the Gazette, and Lord Marchmont would
+hardly believe it could be he; but it was but too plain,--Lieutenant
+Edmund Gerald Arundel. It is very strange; he was not wont to do foolish
+things."
+
+"No," said Marian, mechanically.
+
+"And you know nothing about it? You know him better than we do. Ho
+seemed the very man for the Colonies, with no ties at home, unless--no,
+it is impossible--unless there could be a lady in the case."
+
+"O, no!" replied Marian colouring so much at the secret consciousness of
+his motive, that Selina laughed, saying, "I could almost suspect you, in
+spite of your demureness, of being the very lady. However, I am glad you
+think there is no truth in my surmise, for he could not do a more absurd
+thing than marry. Only when a man gives up all his prospects in this
+way, there is nothing too preposterous to be expected to come next."
+
+By this time they were at Mrs. Lyddell's door, and Marian gladly
+escaped, feeling stunned at the effect her letter had produced. How
+noble, how kind, how generous, how self-devoted Edmund was! this was the
+prominent thought. She knew him to be very fond and very proud of his
+regiment, to be much attached to several of his brother officers, and to
+have given them more of his affection than persons with home interests
+generally do; indeed, they had served him instead of home. All his
+success in life, and his hopes of promotion, given up too,--sacrifices
+which she could not estimate; and it was she who had caused them. She
+had thoughtlessly led him to do himself all this injury, out of his
+kindness and affection, and his sense of duty towards her and her
+brother. She was very unhappy when she thought of this; then came the
+bright ray of joy and relief in hope and confidence for Gerald,--Gerald
+saved, saved from corruption, ruin, from being like Elliot, from
+breaking her heart, made all that his father and mother would have made
+him, her pride, her delight, the glory and honour of Fern Torr,--O,
+joy, joy! And the mere seeing Edmund again,--joy, joy! Yes, the joy far
+predominated over the pain and regret; indeed, be the injury to himself
+what it might, who could be sorry that he had acted so nobly? Yes,
+Marian was happy; her eyes were bright, her smile frequent; she laughed
+with Clara, she romped with little Willie Marchmont, she was ungracious
+to none but Mr. Faulkner who came to the house so much, that she began
+to fear that Caroline might have the annoyance of an offer from him,
+more especially since he had made his mother and sister call on Mrs.
+Lyddell, and Miss Faulkner seemed to intend to be intimate.
+
+The day of the drawing-room had come; Mrs. Lyddell and Caroline were
+going, and Marian was of course to go with Lady Marchmont. She had just
+been full dressed, and had come down stairs to wait for Lady Marchmont's
+carriage, when a step was heard approaching. She thought it was the
+servant, to announce it; it was the servant, but the announcement was
+not what she expected. It was "Mr. Arundel,"--and Edmund stood before
+her, browner, thinner, older, but still Edmund himself.
+
+She could not have spoken; she only held out her hand, and returned his
+strong pressure with all the force her soft fingers were capable of.
+Mrs. Lyddell spoke, he answered, explanations were given and received,
+and still she stood as if she was dreaming, until he turned to her, and
+said, "Well, Marian, these are transformations indeed?"
+
+"I can't help it," said Marian.
+
+"Do you think I want you to help it? I suppose I need not ask if the
+Marchmonts are in town?"
+
+"Lady Marchmont presents Marian," said Mrs. Lyddell; "we expect her
+carriage every minute."
+
+And just then the announcement really came.
+
+"Her carriage, not herself?" said Edmund. "Well, I think I might go
+with you to her house, Marian, if your feathers are not ashamed of such
+shabby company."
+
+"O, pray come!"
+
+"And you will return to dinner, I hope, Mr. Arundel," said Mrs. Lyddell,
+"at half-past seven? Mr. Lyddell will be so glad to see you."
+
+Edmund accepted the invitation, and the two cousins went down stairs
+together. As soon as they were in the carriage, Edmund said, "A lucky
+moment to come in. It is something to have seen you in all your
+splendour. You have grown into something magnificent!"
+
+"All this finery makes me look taller than I really am."
+
+"Nevertheless, however you may try to conceal it, I am afraid you have
+turned into the full grown cat. I saw it in your letter."
+
+"O, Edmund, I am so sorry I wrote that letter."
+
+"Why? Are you happier about Gerald?"
+
+"No, I don't know that I am," said Marian, sighing; "but--but I little
+thought it would make so much difference to you. I did not know what I
+was doing."
+
+"I am glad of it, or you would not have written so freely; though after
+all you could not have helped being like a sensible straightforward
+person."
+
+"O, it is untold relief that you are come; and yet I must be sorry--"
+
+"I won't have you sorry. No one should regret having told the honest
+truth. The fact is, I ought never to have gone. And poor Gerald?"
+
+"I have no more to say, only vague fears. But now you are come, it is
+all right."
+
+"Don't trust too much to me, Marian. Remember, it will be a generous
+thing in Gerald if he attends to me at all. He is not obliged to do so."
+
+"You will--you must do everything. Gerald is as fond of you as ever, I
+know he is, though he would not write. O, I am glad! You heard of our
+delightful going home, I hope?"
+
+"Yes. All well there?" said Edmund, hurriedly.
+
+"Very well. Agnes is grown so tall, and it is so very nice there. The
+old Manor house--"
+
+"Well," he broke in suddenly; "and how do you get on with Selina
+Marchmont."
+
+"She is very, very kind. But O! here we are in her street, and I shall
+have no more of you to-day."
+
+"Not at dinner?"
+
+"O; it is a great, horrid party, as Mrs. Lyddell should have warned
+you."
+
+"Could not I take you in to dinner?"
+
+"I am afraid not. Mrs. Lyddell will never treat me as if I was at home,
+and I am afraid there is an honourable man that I must be bestowed on."
+
+They had reached Lady Marchmont's door, and going up stairs, found her
+looking like a princess in a fairy tale, in her white plumes and her
+diamonds; and Willie, the smallest, most delicate, and prettiest of
+little boys, admiring the splendours of his papa's yeomanry uniform.
+
+In spite of being considerably provoked with Edmund for having come
+home, Lord and Lady Marchmont welcomed him with as much warmth as if
+it was the most prudent thing he could have done. They insisted on his
+coming to stay at their house, and as it was full time to set off, left
+him to see about his worldly goods being transported thither.
+
+"Has he told you his reason, Marian?" asked Selina, as soon as the two
+ladies and their trains were safely disposed of, in the carriage.
+
+"I know them," said Marian, her colour rising, "and most noble they are;
+but I had rather let him tell you himself."
+
+"Marian's discretion again," said Lord Marchmont, smiling.
+
+"Only set me at rest on one point," said Selina; "it is no love affair,
+I hope?"
+
+"No, indeed," said Marian; "or do you think he would have told me?"
+
+Probably there were few young ladies who played their part that day in
+the drawing-room, that last remnant of the ancient state and majesty of
+our courts, with happier minds, or less intent on their own appearance,
+than Marian Arundel. She was very glad when the bustle and crowd were
+over, and she could be alone to enjoy the certainty that Edmund was
+really at home again.
+
+He came according to promise that evening, but she could not have much
+conversation with him, as he was placed at a distance from her, the
+greater part of the time. He was not sorry to be thus able to watch her,
+though he did not see her in the point of view in which she pleased him
+best. She looked better now, he thought, than in the court dress; for
+the broad, simple, antique braids of her dark hair, only adorned by two
+large pearl pins, suited better than the plumes and lappets, with the
+cast of her classical features. All that he had thought promised
+beauty, as a child, had fulfilled the promise, and the countenance, the
+expression, would have been fine, seen on a much plainer face, and as
+she eat there, her black, shady eyes cast down, her dark pencilled
+eyebrows contrasting with her colourless cheek, and her plain white
+drapery in full folds, flowing round her, she might have been some
+majestic lady in a mysterious picture, who had stepped from her frame
+into a scene belonging to another age. She looked as if she was acting a
+tableau; she moved, indeed, and smiled, and spoke occasionally; but the
+queen-like deportment of her neck did not relax; her lips resumed their
+statue-like expression; there was no smile about the eye, no interest
+in the air. She was among the company, but not of them; neither shy nor
+formal, but as if she belonged to some other sphere, and had only come
+there by mistake. Edmund could have counted the times, for they were
+few enough, when her head bent forward with eagerness, and there was
+animation in her face.
+
+How different from Caroline! her brightly coloured, blooming face
+sparkling with life and light; flowers among her light, shining hair;
+her dress of well-chosen, tasteful, brilliant tints, ornament, lace
+and ribbon, all well assorted in kind and quantity, her alert, lively
+movements carrying her from one group to another, with something
+pleasant and appropriate to say to all, bringing smiles and animation
+with her wherever she went. Not that Edmund did not prefer his cousin's
+severe simplicity, and admire it as something grand; but that stern
+grandeur was not all that fitted the place; and though he thought her
+beautiful, he was not satisfied.
+
+Edmund had some talk with Mrs. Lyddell, who spoke of Gerald with great
+warmth; more, he thought, than she showed in the mention of Marian. He
+stayed till the last, and saw the relaxation of her grand company-face,
+before he wished them good night.
+
+"Well," said Mrs. Lyddell, as the door closed behind him, and she
+lighted her candle, "Africa has not robbed Mr. Arundel of all his good
+looks. How old is he?"
+
+"Nearly twenty-eight," said Marian.
+
+"I am always forgetting that he is so young," said Mrs. Lyddell. "Well,
+good night. I wonder what brought him home?"
+
+"I do not wonder, for it is plain enough," said Caroline, as the girls
+turned up their own staircase.
+
+"Marian tries to look innocent," said Clara, laughing violently.
+
+"I am sure I don't understand," said Marian.
+
+"Now I am sure that is on purpose to make us explain," said Clara. "It
+is too bad, Marian; when he came straight to you, instead of going to
+Lady Marchmont."
+
+"And the tête-à-tête in the carriage," said Caroline.
+
+"Don't be so ridiculous," said Marian; "but I believe you like such
+jokes so well, that you would make them out of anything."
+
+"I don't make a joke of it at all. I always thought it was with that
+very view, he was made your guardian."
+
+"You very absurd persons, good night!" said Marian, shutting her door,
+and laughing to herself at such a very ludicrous idea as such a scheme
+on the part of her father.
+
+These kind of jokes, of which some people are still very fond, may be
+very hurtful, since a young girl's inexperience may found far more upon
+them than the laughers ever intended. Caroline and Clara were not acting
+a kind part, though they were far from any unkind meaning. Marian had
+great susceptibility and deep affections; and had her mind been less
+strong, her happiness might have been seriously injured. Even if their
+observations had no real meaning, and no effect on her heart, yet they
+could not fail to occasion her many moments of embarrassment, and might
+interfere with her full, free confidence in her best and earliest
+friend.
+
+In some degree they had this result. Marian began to be aware that her
+situation with Edmund was not without awkwardness,--that he was still
+a young man, and that she was now a young woman; and whilst shocked
+at herself, and disliking the moment that had opened the door to the
+thought, was obliged to consider how far there might be truth in the
+suggestion.
+
+She was quite sure that she had influenced him strongly, quite sure that
+he regarded her with warm affection; she wished she was equally sure it
+was with a brother's love. Yes, she wished, for to think otherwise would
+lower him in her estimation. He was her first cousin, and if first
+cousins had better not marry he would never think of it; besides, the
+merit of his sacrificing all for Gerald's good would be lost, and
+his return would have been an act of self-gratification instead of
+self-devotion. No, she would not, could not believe any such thing; she
+was certain Edmund never would be so weak as to wish to do anything only
+doubtfully right, and thus, strangely enough, her full trust in the
+dignity of his character, prevented her from imagining him in love with
+her.
+
+Still she knew her cousins were watching her, and this prevented her
+from ever meeting him in thorough comfort at Mr. Lyddell's; and even
+when at Lord Marchmont's, her maidenly reserve had been so far awakened
+as to make her shrink back from the full freedom of their former
+intercourse. This, however, was more in her feeling than in her manners,
+which, if they differed at all from what they were formerly, only seemed
+to be what naturally arose from her growth in years.
+
+She observed that he was not in good spirits. It was not what others,
+not even Selina, could perceive, but Edmund and Marian had known each
+other too well and too long, not to read each other's faces, and know
+the meaning of each other's tones. She did not expect him to be as merry
+as in olden days at home, nor did she desire it; but there was more
+depression about him than she thought comfortable, and she was sure that
+it was an effort to him to talk in the lively way that had once been
+natural to him. She was afraid he felt the separation from his friends
+in his old regiment very severely, or else that he was very anxious
+about Gerald, and yet she had found out that the tenderest point of all
+was Fern Torr, for he either would not or could not speak of that, but
+always contrived to turn the conversation as soon as it was touched
+upon. She grieved over his unhappiness a great deal, and yet would not
+enter on any questioning, from an innate feeling, that it would not
+be becoming. He was only to stay a very short time in London, before
+joining his regiment at Portsmouth, and he meant to go and spend a day
+at Eton to see Gerald, but Lady Marchmont suddenly proposed that they
+should all go together; she said she must inspect Eton before Master
+Willie was ready to go, and that it would be a charming scheme to take
+Marian and surprise Gerald. Marian had a few secret doubts whether this
+was exactly the most suitable way of fulfilling Edmund's intentions,
+but it was so delightful a treat that she laid aside her scruples, and
+Selina coaxed her husband into finding a day to accompany them.
+
+So one fine June morning, the day before Edmund's departure, they set
+off, Selina's high spirits and Marian's happiness giving the party a
+very joyous aspect. Father Thames looked as stately and silvery as ever,
+the playing fields smiled in the sunshine, and Windsor Castle looked
+down on them majestically. Marian felt it a holiday to have escaped from
+London into so fair a scene, and even if she had come for nothing else,
+would have been happy in beholding some of the most honoured spots in
+the broad realm of England.
+
+She had many questions to ask, but Lord Marchmont was taken up with
+showing his old haunts to his wife, and she was walking some distance in
+front, with Edmund, on whose face there was an expression of melancholy
+thought that she would not disturb. He was an Etonian, and how fall of
+remembrances must all be around him.
+
+Presently two or three boys met them running, and were passing them,
+when Marion exclaimed, "There is Lionel!" "Lyddell!" called Edmund, and
+one of them stopped, so taken by surprise that Marian was for a moment
+horrified by thinking she had mistaken him; but the next glance
+re-assured her, for she knew Lionel's way of standing, and his hat
+pulled far over his forehead.
+
+"Lionel," said she, "where is Gerald?"
+
+"Hallo! You here!" said he, wheeling round so that the light might not
+be in his eyes, and shading them with one hand while he tried to make
+out Edmund, and gave his other hand to Marian.
+
+"How did you come here? Are any of the people at home here?"
+
+"No, this is my cousin Edmund. I am come with the Marchmonts."
+
+"You have quite forgotten me," said Edmund, shaking hands.
+
+"Not if I could see you," said Lionel, frowning at the light, as he
+looked up.
+
+"O, Lionel, how bad your eyes are!" exclaimed Marion.
+
+"I have just been reading, and there is such a _hideous_ sunshine
+to-day," said Lionel.
+
+"And where is Gerald?"
+
+"I'll go and fetch him."
+
+"Where is he?"
+
+"I'll find him," and off he ran, with a fresh pull of his hat over his
+forehead to keep off the hideous sunshine. The Marchmonts came up at the
+moment, and were told who he was, and that he was gone to find Gerald.
+Edmund asked what was the matter with his eyes.
+
+"They are never very good," said Marian. "Reading and strong light
+always hurt them."
+
+"Has he had any advice?"
+
+"The surgeon at Oakworthy looked at them last Christmas, when the snow
+dazzled them, but he did not think there was much amiss with them. It
+was always so. But where can Gerald be?"
+
+In the space of about five minutes, Gerald and Lionel appeared, and the
+former came up to them alone, with a look which had more of shyness than
+of pleasure, and his greeting, while more courteous, was less open and
+cordial than Lionel's had been. They all went together to the house of
+the boys' tutor, who had also been Edmund's; there was a great maze of
+talking and introductions: Lady Marchmont made herself very charming to
+the mistress of the house: Edmund and the tutor disappeared together,
+and did not come back till the others had nearly finished a most
+hospitable luncheon; after which the visitors set out to see all that
+there was time to see, and Marian caused Gerald to fetch Lionel to
+accompany them.
+
+Lionel walked with Edmund and Marian, but Gerald on the other hand
+attached himself to Lord and Lady Marchmont, talking to them freely and
+pleasantly, answering Selina's questions, much to her amusement and
+satisfaction, and Lord Marchmont comparing notes with him, as old
+Etonians delight to do with "the sprightly race, disporting" for the
+time being, on the "margen green" of Father Thames. A particularly
+lively, pleasant, entertaining, well-mannered boy was Gerald, but, all
+the time, Marian was feeling that he was holding aloof both from her and
+Edmund, never allowing either of them the opportunity of speaking to him
+alone, for even a minute; and his manner, whenever Edmund either spoke
+to him or looked at him, was such as to betray to her that he was ill at
+ease.
+
+Thus it was while they viewed the chapel, the court, with what Selina
+was pleased to call "Henry's holy shade," the upper school, the hundred
+steps, the terrace, and beautiful S. George's, with its gorgeous banners
+and carved stalls, and blazoned shields, that glimpse into the Gothic
+world of chivalry and romance; and in the midst of it that simple flat
+stone, which thrills the heart with a deep feeling at once of love,
+sorrow and reverence; that stone which recalls the desolate night which,
+in darkness and ruin, amid torn banners, and scutcheons riven, saw the
+Martyr king go white to his grave. Marian entered into all these things,
+in spite of her anxiety, for her mind was free enough to be open to
+external objects, now that her brother was in Edmund's hands, and she
+was relieved of that burthen of responsibility which had so pressed on
+her.
+
+Such was their Eton day, and with no more satisfaction from Gerald did
+they part at the Slough station. The Marchmonts were loud in his praise,
+Marian sought the real opinion in Edmund's eyes, but he was leaning
+back, looking meditative, and when first he roused himself to enter into
+conversation, it was of Lionel and not of Gerald that he spoke.
+
+"Do you say that any one has looked at that boy's eyes?"
+
+"Yes, Mr. Wells, the Oakworthy apothecary."
+
+"Do you know what is thought of him?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian considering. "He attends a good many people,
+I believe he is thought well of; but no one ever is ill at home, so I
+have no experience of him. Yes, he was called in once when we all had
+the measles, and last winter about Lionel's eyes. I am sure I don't know
+whether he is what you would call a good doctor or not; all I know is,
+that he is not at all like Dr. Oldham."
+
+Edmund smiled. "Has Mrs. Lyddell not been uneasy?"
+
+"O no!" said Marian. "No one ever troubles their head about Lionel,
+besides it was always so."
+
+"Always how?"
+
+"His eyes were always weak, and easily tired and dazzled, from the very
+first when I knew him. They don't look as if there was anything amiss
+with them, and so people don't suspect it."
+
+"I think they do look very much amiss," said Edmund. "Do not you observe
+an indistinctness about the pupil, between it and the iris? Can you tell
+whether that was always the case?"
+
+"I don't know, I see what you mean. I should say it had begun of late.
+Do you think it so bad a sign?" she asked anxiously.
+
+"I am not sure; I only know if he belonged to me, I should not like it
+at all."
+
+Marian pondered and feared, and considered if it would be possible
+to stir up Mrs. Lyddell; she herself was much startled, and rather
+indignant; but she doubted greatly whether poor Lionel was of sufficient
+importance in the family for any one to be very anxious on his account.
+In the meantime, she was extremely desirous of hearing what account
+Edmund had received from the tutor respecting her brother, but she had
+no opportunity till late in the evening, when he came and sat by her on
+the sofa, saying, "Now, Marian, I will answer your anxious eyes, though
+I am afraid I have nothing very satisfactory to tell you. I don't know
+that there is any positive harm--it is only the old story of a clever
+boy with too much money, and too much left to himself. Idleness and
+thoughtlessness."
+
+"And what shall you do?"
+
+"I don't know--I must think."
+
+Whereupon they both sat silent.
+
+"I shall see you again in the summer," said he.
+
+"O yes--perhaps you will come in Gerald's holidays."
+
+Another silence, then she said, "Do you think very badly of poor
+Lionel's eyes?"
+
+"No, I don't say that, for I know nothing, only I wonder his family are
+not more anxious."
+
+"I shall see if Mrs. Lyddell will believe there is cause for alarm."
+
+The carriage was announced, she wished him good-bye again, thanked her
+cousins for her pleasant day, and departed, wondering to herself how it
+could have been a pleasant day, as after all it had been, in spite of
+doubt and anxiety and care.
+
+She told Mrs. Lyddell when she came in, that she had seen Lionel.
+
+"How were his eyes?" asked Caroline.
+
+"I am afraid they were more dazzled than usual."
+
+No one said anything, and after a pause she went on. "Edmund remarked
+a sort of indistinctness about the pupil, which he said was not a good
+sign."
+
+"What was that?" said Mr. Lyddell looking up, and Marian, startled, yet
+glad to have attracted his notice, repeated what she had said. "Did not
+Wells look at his eyes last winter?" he said, turning to his wife.
+
+"Yes, he said he could not see anything the matter with them--they must
+be spared--and he sent a mixture to bathe them. Lionel has been using it
+continually."
+
+"How would it be to have him up here to see some one?" said Mr. Lyddell.
+
+"Better wait for the holidays," answered his wife. "It would be the
+worst thing possible to set him thinking, about his eyes in the middle
+of the half-year. Little as he does now, it would soon be less, and his
+eyes have kept him back so much already that he really cannot afford to
+lose any more time."
+
+There it ended, Mrs. Lyddell was not to be alarmed; she had been too
+long used to prosperity even to contemplate the possibility that harm
+should come nigh to her or to her dwelling. Mr. Lyddell, who left all
+family matters to her, forgot all about it, and though Marian talked
+Caroline into some fears on the subject, Caroline could do no more than
+she could herself.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+  "_Benedict_. What, my dear Lady Disdain, are you yet living?"
+
+  "_Beatrice_. Is it possible Disdain should die while she has such
+  meet food to feed her?"
+
+  _Much Ado about Nothing._
+
+
+The Lyddell family did not continue in London much longer; it had been a
+short season, and though the session of Parliament was not over, most
+of the ladies were taking flight into the country, before the end of
+June,--Mrs. Lyddell among the rest,--and her husband went backwards and
+forwards to London, as occasion called him.
+
+The girls were glad to get into the country, but Marian soon found that
+she had not escaped either from gaieties, or from the objects of her
+aversion; for Mr. Faulkner brought his mother and sisters to High Down
+House, gave numerous parties there, and made a constant interchange of
+civilities with the family at Oakworthy. Archery was pretty much the
+fashion with the young ladies that year; it was a sport which Marian
+liked particularly, having often practised it with Edmund and Agnes, and
+her bow and arrows were always the first to be ready.
+
+One day when Marian, Caroline, and Clara were shooting on the lawn at
+Oakworthy, Mr. and Miss Faulkner rode from High Down, came out on the
+lawn, and joined them. From that moment, any one could see the change
+that came over Marian. Instead of laughing and talking, teaching Clara,
+and paying only half attention to her own shooting, she now went on as
+if it was her sole object, and as if she had no other purpose in life.
+She fixed her arrows and twanged her string with a rigidity as if the
+target had been a deadly enemy, or her whole fate was concentrated in
+hitting the bull's eye; and when her arrows went straight to the mark,
+or at least much straighter than those of any one else, she never
+turned her head, or vouchsafed more than the briefest answer to the
+exclamations around.
+
+The others were talking of archery in general and in particular,--just
+what, if it had not been Mr. Faulkner, would have delighted her; but
+she would not hear him. He might speak of the English long-bow, and
+the cloth yard-shaft, and the butts at which Elizabeth shot, and the
+dexterity required for hitting a deer, and of the long arrow of the
+Indian, and the Wourali reed of South America,--as long as he spoke it
+was nothing to her, let Caroline smile and answer, and appeal to her as
+much she would. Then came a talk about archery meetings and parties, in
+which at last they all grew so eager, that they stood still round the
+return target, and Marian could not shoot back again without perilling
+them; so she unstrung her bow, and stood apart with a stern face, which
+made her look a great deal more like Diana, than she by any means
+suspected or desired.
+
+Two days after, there came a note from Miss Faulkner,--Julia, as she had
+requested to be called,--saying that her brother was so delighted with
+the archery schemes that had been discussed, that he could not give them
+up, and intended to give a grand fête at High Down,--archery in the
+morning, a ball in the evening, and all the ladies who liked, to be in
+costume. She ended by begging Caroline to come to luncheon that day, or
+the next, to enter into council on the subject. There was great delight;
+such an entertainment was quite a novelty in the neighbourhood, and the
+costume seemed to make it all the more charming in the eyes of Caroline,
+Clara, and their mother; all were talking at once, and wondering what it
+could or should be, while Marian went on reading imperturbably without
+one remark.
+
+"It ought to be in Robin Hood's time, if only for the sake of Maid
+Marian," said Caroline. "She will be quite sure to win the prize."
+
+"O yes, that she will," said Clara; "she shoots so much better than any
+one else."
+
+"I shall not shoot in public," said Marian, looking up for a moment, and
+then going on with her book.
+
+"You will do nothing to make yourself particular," said Mrs. Lyddell:
+"it will be very silly to set your face against this fête, when every
+one knows how fond you are of archery."
+
+"We don't know anything yet about what is to be," said Caroline,
+quickly; and at that moment Elliot, coming in, offered to ride with her
+to High Down, whereupon she hastened to get ready. Such an obliging
+offer from her brother was certainly too uncommon a thing to be
+neglected, in spite of the unwonted graciousness and amiability which
+Elliot had for the last few weeks assumed towards her.
+
+When she was gone, Marian and Clara resumed their ordinary occupations,
+and one of them at least troubled herself no more about the fête, until,
+shortly before dinner time, Elliot, Caroline, and Mr. Faulkner all rode
+up to the front door. Mr. Faulkner, it appeared, was come to dinner, and
+to carry on the consultation, since he was extremely eager about the
+scheme, and no time was to be lost in sending out the invitations.
+The Sherwood Forest plan had been talked over, and abandoned as too
+common-place. It was to be a Kenilworth fête; eight young ladies of Lady
+Julia's especial party were to appear in the morning in a pretty uniform
+dress, a little subdued from the days of the ruff and farthingale; and
+in the evening there was to be a regular Kenilworth quadrille, in which
+each lady or gentleman was to assume the dress of some character of
+Queen Elizabeth's court. In fact, as Mr. Faulkner said;--
+
+  "Gorgeous dames and statesmen bold
+  In bearded majesty appear."
+
+Amy Robsart, Katherine Seymour, Anne Clifford, Frances Walsingham,
+Mildred Cecil, and other ladies of the time were mentioned, and then
+came the counting up of their eight living representatives,--the two
+Misses Faulkner, Caroline, yes, and Clara herself, who started and
+danced with ecstasy, then glanced entreatingly at her mother, who looked
+doubtful; Marian, two cousins of the Faulkners, who were always ready
+for anything, and a Miss Mordaunt, were reckoned up, and their dresses
+quickly discussed; but all the time Marian said not a word. She was
+thinking of the waste of time and consideration, the folly, levity
+and vanity, the throwing away of money, all this would occasion, and
+enjoying in her own mind the pleasure of resisting it _in toto_. She
+supposed she must go to the archery meeting, though why people could
+not be contented to shoot on their own lawns, instead of spoiling their
+pleasure by all this fuss, she could not guess; but make a show of
+herself and her shooting, be stared at by all the world,--that she would
+never do. Nor would she make a figure of herself at the ball, and spend
+the money which she wanted very much for her poor people and her
+books, now that her court dress and London finery had eaten up such an
+unconscionable share of her allowance. Increased as it was, she had
+never felt so poor as at present; she wanted Mrs. Jameson's "Sacred and
+Legendary Art" for herself, and there were all the presents to be sent
+to the old people at Fern Torr; and should these be given up for the
+sake of appearing as the fair Anne Clifford, or some such person, for
+one evening, during which she would be feeling most especially unnatural
+and uncomfortable? No indeed! and she trusted that she had a very good
+and sufficient defence against all such foolery, in the slight mourning
+which she was wearing for one of the Marchmont connection. True, she had
+thought of leaving it off next Sunday, but no matter; it would be such
+armour as was not to be lightly parted with; and if she went to the ball
+at all, it should never, never be as the heiress of the Cliffords, but
+as the faithful mourning relation of old Mr. Thomas Marchmont, her
+second cousin once removed, whom she had never beheld in her life, and
+who would have been dead at least nine weeks by the time it took place.
+
+She said nothing about it in the drawing-room; but when they went up
+stairs, she told Caroline not to reckon upon her, for she should be in
+mourning, and could not wear a fancy dress. Caroline looked much vexed.
+"It was a great pity," she said, "and Julia Faulkner wished it to be
+all their own set. Besides, would not Marian shoot,--she who did it so
+well?"
+
+"O, no, no, I could do no such thing with all those people staring."
+
+"Not even for a silver arrow? You would be sure to win it."
+
+"I should be ashamed of the very sight of it ever after. O no! I should
+like--at least I should not mind seeing it all as a spectator, but as to
+making a part of the show, never, never, Caroline!"
+
+"Well, I know it is of no use to try to persuade you!" said Caroline,
+with a little annoyance in her tone. "Good night."
+
+Lady Julia, with her son and daughter, came to call the next day. Marian
+thought herself fortunate in not being in the drawing-room. She put on
+her bonnet, slipped out at the garden door, and walked away with a book
+in her hand, to the remotest regions of the park, where she sat down
+under a thorn-tree, and read Schiller's Thirty Years' War with a sort of
+exemplary diligence and philosophy, till it was so late that she thought
+herself perfectly secure of the Faulkners' being gone. Yet she only just
+missed them, for their carriage was driving off at one door, as she
+reached the other.
+
+"Where have you been, Marian?" was the first greeting.
+
+"I have been walking to the old thorn."
+
+"O, have you? We hunted for you everywhere in the house: we would hardly
+believe Fanny when she said you were gone out, for I knew you meant to
+walk with us."
+
+"I thought you would be engaged so long that it was not worth while to
+wait for you."
+
+"Well, but did you know you had missed the Faulkners?" said Clara.
+
+"I knew they were here."
+
+Every one understood this except Clara, and very little did it please
+Mrs. Lyddell or Caroline.
+
+"Marian," said Mrs. Lyddell, "you really must not be so absurd about
+this matter. Your mourning is nothing. You need not be wearing it even
+now; and it will annoy Lady Julia, and put her to serious inconvenience,
+if you continue to refuse."
+
+"I am sure I do not wish to inconvenience her," said Marian; "but there
+must be many young ladies who would be only too happy to take the part."
+
+"Of course," said Mrs. Lyddell, "any one else would rejoice to be asked;
+but the point is, that it is so unpleasant to admit any thing of a
+stranger into the intimacy these things occasion."
+
+"I am almost a stranger to them."
+
+"Yes, but not to us, Marian," said Clara. "You have known them as long,
+or longer than we have; and you would look so very well. Lady Julia said
+herself that such a distinguished face and figure as yours would set the
+whole thing off to advantage."
+
+Caroline well knew this was but the way to make Marian still more
+determined against it. She held her tongue through all the persuasions
+of her mother and Clara; and trusting a little, but not much, to the
+superior influence which she knew herself to possess, she followed
+Marian to her room, and began,--"Marian, are you still resolute against
+this unfortunate archery? because, if you do not really think it a
+matter of right and wrong, I should be very much obliged to you if you
+would only yield."
+
+It was not so easy to withstand Caroline speaking in this way, as Mrs.
+Lyddell almost scolding and Clara talking nonsense; but Marian had made
+up her mind, and would not let herself be shaken. "I don't think I can,"
+was her answer.
+
+"Will you say whether you really think it wrong?"
+
+"I don't know." Not her considering "I don't know," but the dry,
+provoking end-of-the-matter answer of half sullen days gone by.
+
+"If you really thought it positively wrong," proceeded Caroline, "not
+another word would I say: but I don't see how you can without condemning
+all gaeties, and that I know you do not."
+
+"I only think it a--a waste of time--a great deal of nonsense," said
+Marian, faltering for an answer; "and really I have spent so much money;
+I do not like to throw away any more."
+
+"O, you do not know how we have settled that," said Caroline, beginning
+to be hopeful now that she had something tangible to attack. "The
+dresses for the morning will be nothing,--only a white skirt and green
+polka, which will do to wear for ever after, and a little ruff, very
+pretty, and no expense at all; and a little alteration will make our
+court dresses perfectly suitable for Queen Elizabeth's ladies. You need
+not be at all afraid of being ruined."
+
+Marian saw that, though there would be many a little expense to make a
+mickle one, yet it would still only cost her Mrs. Jameson, instead of
+the gifts to the poor people; but as this was what chiefly justified
+her in her own eyes, she would not admit the conviction, and answered,
+"Those things that are altered and adapted really are as costly in the
+end as if they were new altogether. Besides, I could not, I really could
+not shoot before such an assembly."
+
+"I should so like to see you get the arrow."
+
+"O Caroline, that would be worse than anything!"
+
+"Well, then, don't get it; shoot as badly as you please: only do be kind
+and make one of us, or you will spoil the whole concern."
+
+"How can that be? What difference can my dressing up or shooting make to
+any one?"
+
+"Why, for one thing, if you are not one, as you must be, living with us
+and all, Julia will be obliged to ask that Miss Grimley; don't you know
+her?"
+
+"What, that old young lady who has been figuring in the newspaper so
+long as getting all the archery prizes?"
+
+"Yes, the veteran archer, as Elliot calls her; and Mr. Faulkner says, if
+she appears in character at all, it must be as Queen Elizabeth herself
+dancing a stately pavise to the sound of the little fiddle. She is some
+connection of theirs, and must be asked, if you will not take it; and
+she is almost as bad as Queen Elizabeth herself, and will give none of
+us any peace about the dresses, O Marian! Julia said she should esteem
+it as a real kindness from you if you would be Lady Anne, if only for
+the sake of keeping her out!"
+
+"I think it would be very absurd for a person who hates the whole
+concern to be dragged in, for the sake of keeping out one who likes it!"
+
+"Then you are still resolved? Well, I had not much expectation, but
+still I was half inclined to hope you would relent, if you did not think
+it a point of principle, when you knew that it would be a real favor to
+me."
+
+"To you, Caroline! you do not care for such trumpery."
+
+"I do care about seeing my friends mortified and vexed," said Caroline,
+mournfully.
+
+"Your friends!" exclaimed Marian, in a voice of contempt.
+
+"Yes, as much as kindness can make them."
+
+"And esteem? O Caroline!"
+
+"Kindness--readiness to oblige," repeated Caroline.
+
+"They are my friends, and I am very fond of them."
+
+Caroline went away without another word, and Marian felt that her words
+implied that she preferred readiness to oblige, to rigid, unbending
+superiority in goodness. Marian felt it, and was disappointed in
+Caroline, and pleased to have kept her determination, without asking
+herself how far it was satisfied pride in obstinacy.
+
+This was the last time for many weeks that Caroline lingered talking
+in Marian's room. The old chill had come on again. Both knew, though
+neither said so, that it was not so much because it was a display and
+expense that Marian refused, as because it was the Faulkners' party. If
+it had been Lady Marchmont's, it would have been very different. Now
+Caroline liked the Faulkners; they were all good natured, and much more
+agreeable than any others in the neighbourhood--than any, indeed, with
+whom she had yet been brought into close intercourse. She thought Marian
+was unjust and ungracious, both to them and to her; that she had been
+prejudiced from the first, and now was very decidedly making herself
+disagreeable by a rigidity in trifles, which was almost positive
+unkindness. Caroline's home, as has been shown, was neither a very
+happy, nor a very satisfactory one; so that of late she had learnt to
+look upon her brother Walter and Marian as her chief comforts, and was
+now much more hurt and disappointed at Marian's conduct than she was
+willing to show. It was particularly unfortunate just at this time, when
+there was so much to invite and gratify her at High Down, when she was
+in especial need of a true and affectionate friend and counsellor, and
+when Walter was absent, being engaged in preparing for his ordination,
+which was to take place in the course of the autumn.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was much displeased with Marian, and showed it by her
+coldness and formality; and Marian began to live more alone with
+herself, and at war with the outer world, than she had done even before
+Edmund's first visit five years ago. Caroline and Clara were a great
+deal with the Faulkners, either at High Down or at home. Clara was in a
+perfect transport at being admitted into the number of the archeresses,
+and had struck up one of her eternal friendships with Louisa, the second
+Miss Faulkner; and Marian might very fairly be provoked at seeing how
+entirely her mind was diverted from all the rationality which she and
+Caroline had been endeavouring--and as they had hoped, not without
+success--to infuse into her during the past year. To get Clara to
+settle quietly down to anything was an utter impossibility; her wisest
+employment was the study of Elizabethan costumes, her most earnest, the
+practice of archery. Now Marian always maintained that archery, on their
+own lawn, and among themselves, was a very pretty sport; and for the
+sake of consistency with her own principles, she very diligently shot
+whenever the Faulkners were not there, and did her very best, by precept
+and example, to make Clara fit her arrows to the string in her own
+direct and purpose-like way, draw the bow-string to her ear with a
+steady effort and aim, instead of a fitful jerk or twitch; and in fact
+shoot, if she was to shoot, like a sensible woman, who really intended
+damage to the target. Clara was very much obliged, and made some
+progress; but Marian thus did herself little good with any one else,
+for her love of the sport, and her excellence at it, made her spirit of
+disdain all the more marked. Clara, was again, as in former times, her
+chief friend in the family; for Marian, after the first vexation, held
+her sense too cheap to blame her for her folly. It was the fault of the
+others that she had been put in the way of what could not fail to turn
+her head; so she listened, without showing many tokens of contempt,
+to her endless histories of dear Louisa, and all the plans at High
+Down,--of the witticisms that were perpetrated, the anticipations of
+amusement and admiration, and of the tracasseries which Miss Grimley had
+not failed to occasion. Marian was often entertained, and Clara more
+than once hoped she was on the point of regretting that she was not one
+of the favoured eight; but nothing could be further from Marian's mind.
+She did not intend to absent herself either from the archery or from the
+ball, but she must wear her own character, and no other; and people
+were allowed to assume fancy dresses or not, just as suited their
+inclination, so that she was in no fear of rendering herself remarkable.
+
+Caroline and Clara were to go to High Down two days before the great
+occasion, and stay till the day after; Marian to remain at Oakworthy.
+Just before they went, Clara danced into her room, saying, "Marian, do
+you know some of the officers at Portsmouth have been asked to the ball?
+You know there is a railroad all the way. I wonder if Mr. Arundel will
+be there?"
+
+"Decidedly not," replied Marian.
+
+"What, not when he knows what an attraction there will be?"
+
+"Don't talk such nonsense, Clara; the idea of thinking a man would take
+such a journey for a ball! Well, I hope you will be very happy."
+
+"O do come and see my dress, Marian, before it is packed up; it is on
+mamma's bed, and it is so beautiful!"
+
+Marian came, and admired. Caroline was to be Amy Robsart, and Clara,
+Janet Foster; a part her mother had chosen for her, as more appropriate
+to a girl not yet come out. Certainly, Tony Foster would scarcely have
+recognized his demure little Puritan under the little lace hood,
+the purple bodice, and white skirt, at which Clara looked with such
+exultation; and Janet was further to be supposed to have taken
+possession of the Countess's orient neck-pearls, and was to wear them as
+the only ornament that could with any propriety be bestowed on her. It
+happened that Marian had a remarkably fine set of pearls. She had few
+jewels of any kind; but these had been her grandmother's, and there
+was some tradition belonging to them which no one ever could remember.
+Janet's necklace was so much less pretty, that Marian could not help
+exclaiming that Clara had better wear hers. Clara demurred, for she knew
+Marian relied on these pearls to help out a dress which had seen more
+than one London party; but it ended in Marian's having her own way, and
+being contemptuous at the gratitude with which her loan was received.
+Yet she was surprised to find that it was a relief to her that Mrs.
+Lyddell departed a little from her cold politeness, and showed herself
+really pleased and obliged.
+
+Certainly, if Mrs. Lyddell had not in some degree relaxed, those two
+days would have been very forlorn. As it was, it was very odd to sit
+down to dinner with only Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell and Elliot, and to have no
+one but Mrs. Lyddell to speak to in the drawing-room. She was glad when
+the day came, to have it over; and she was not sufficiently hard-hearted
+to regret that it was as fine as could be wished. To High Down they
+went, and everything was just as Marian had expected,--every one walked
+about and idled, and wondered when the shooting would begin; and when
+it did begin, no one paid much attention to it except those who were
+interested in some of the competitors. Marian watched her pupil
+anxiously, and Clara, between excitement and nervousness, shot much
+worse than if she had been in the garden at home, and went so wide of
+the mark, that Marian was ashamed of her. Caroline did better, but not
+well; and the prize was of course borne off by Miss Grimley, who was
+popularly reported to have arrows enough to stock the quivers of two or
+three cupids.
+
+Clara ran up to Marian, and walked with her a little while; telling her
+all that had come to pass during the last two days,--a great deal of
+bustle, and merriment, and nonsense, which Clara seemed to have enjoyed
+excessively, and of which Marian could have said, "Every one to his
+taste." Of Caroline she saw little or nothing; and after wandering
+about in the rear of Mrs. Lyddell, and exchanging a great many cold
+salutations, and colder sentences of small-talk, she was very glad to
+find herself once more in the carriage, though it was only to go home,
+dine and dress for the ball, and then High Down again.
+
+She wore white, with jet ornaments, and a row of pearls round her
+hair,--the only thing that saved her from being rather shabbily dressed
+than otherwise. However, Mrs. Lyddell had long since announced that she
+had done saying anything about Marian's dress, and Fanny had not been a
+ladies' maid long enough to grow into a tyrant; so that she had her own
+way, and no one repeated to her, what she knew full well, that her white
+silk was yellow where it swept the ground, and the lace did not stand
+out as freshly as once it did.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell and Elliot talked and laughed all the way, quizzing the
+company very sociably, and both appearing in the highest spirits. Mr.
+Lyddell was asleep in his corner; Marian with her forehead against the
+window, and her thoughts with Gerald. They reached High Down in the
+midst of a stream of carriages; and Marian, in her plain white, had to
+walk into the ball-room with Elliot, who had completed his offences in
+her eyes, by daring to assume the dress of Sir Philip Sidney. She soon,
+however, was free of him, for he liked her as little as she liked him,
+and moreover had to go and perform his part in the noted Kenilworth
+quadrille. Marian was left standing by Mrs. Lyddell, as she usually did,
+through the greater part of a ball; for as she never waltzed, there
+were few dances in which she could take a part. She had made half the
+Oakworthy neighbours afraid of her; and Mrs. Lyddell, having found that
+all activity in the way of being a useful chaperon was thrown away, had
+acquiesced in leaving her to herself, "doing her justice" sufficient by
+taking her to the ball.
+
+Marian was entertained by the pageant, as she deemed it. It was a very
+pretty scene, with so many gay dresses, in the bright light; and it was
+amusing to recognise her acquaintances in the wonderful costumes some
+of them had seen fit to assume. She would have liked some one to
+laugh with, at a shepherdess dancing, crook and all; and she highly
+appreciated a good-natured old gentleman, who was willing to do
+anything, however absurd, that could please his friends, and had come
+out as my grave Lord Keeper himself, with
+
+  "His bushy beard and shoe-strings green,
+  His high-crowned hat and satin-doublet."
+
+Caroline looked more like a beauty than she had ever seen her before.
+Her fair ringlets and white neck had a peculiar elegance, set off by the
+delicate fan-like ruff, and graceful head-gear of the Countess Amy. The
+only fault that Marian could find was, that poor Amy never could have
+looked as if she had so much mind as Caroline's countenance expressed.
+As to her partner, Marian did not behold him with very different
+feelings, from those with which she would have regarded the real Earl
+of Leicester, could she have had one peep at the actual pageant of
+Kenilworth, with its outward pomp, masking the breaking hearts beneath.
+Thereupon she fell deep into musings on "Kenilworth," which she had read
+at home, when, so young and unlearned in novels as not to have a guess
+at what would happen, when it was all a wonder and fairy-land of
+delight, and when poor Tressilian's name of Edmund had been his first
+charm in her eyes, even before she loved him for his deep character and
+melancholy fate. She thought how unlike all this common-place world was
+to the world it aped--how far these Raleighs and Sidneys were from being
+worthy to usurp the name even for one evening! and as to Tressilian, how
+impossible to see any face here that would even shadow her idea of him!
+And yet she did not know; she might have to change her mind. There
+actually was a countenance handsome, thoughtful, almost melancholy
+enough for Tressilian himself, with the deep dark eyes, pale, clear,
+sun-burnt, brown complexion, and jetty hair that befitted her hero; a
+short beard and dark dress would have completed him, but she almost
+thought it a pity that such a face should appear above a scarlet coat
+and gold epaulettes.
+
+However, Tressilian had been moving towards the end of the room where
+she was standing, and was coming so near that she could not study him
+after the first; so she turned to speak to Miss Faulkner, who had
+finished her quadrille, and just as a polka was commencing, she was
+surprised by finding Tressilian himself standing by her, and asking to
+have the honour of dancing with her.
+
+"Thank you, I don't dance the Polka," she replied; and as she spoke
+quick flashes of thought crossed her thus--"I have not been introduced
+to him--I have met him before--how horrid of Tressilian's face to talk
+of polkas--ha! it is Edmund!"
+
+Edmund Arundel's eye it was that was glancing at her with a look of
+great amusement at her bewilderment.
+
+"The next quadrille," he proceeded, in the same ceremonious voice.
+
+"O Edmund, Edmund, I did not know you in the least! Who would have
+thought of seeing you here?"
+
+"Why not? Did you not know we were asked?"
+
+"Asked? yes; but who would have come who could have helped it?"
+
+"I wanted particularly to see you." Then, after speaking to Mrs.
+Lyddell, he turned to her again, and resumed, "But am I not to have the
+pleasure of dancing the next quadrille with you?"
+
+"If it is any pleasure to you, I am sure you are very welcome."
+
+"In the mean time, what is the meaning of your not being amongst the
+performers? You used to be a capital shot."
+
+"I? O, of course I could not shoot before all the world."
+
+"Well, I was in hopes my pupil had been doing me credit; so much so,
+that I tried very hard to make that lady with the silver arrow into
+you, and--" as Marian looked at Miss Grimley's thin, freckled face, and
+reddish, sandy locks, and could not help smiling, he continued, "when
+that would not quite do, I went on trying to turn each maid of honour
+into you, till, just as I gave you up, I saw young Dashwood fixed in
+contemplation; and well he might be, for there was something so majestic
+as could be nothing but Zenobia, Queen of the East, or Miss Arundel
+herself."
+
+"Majestic! nonsense! nothing can feel less majestic."
+
+"Then decidedly you are not what you seem."
+
+"I was trying all the time to make you into Tressilian, only your red
+coat was in the way. You know I never saw you in it before."
+
+"And so you have given up archery?"
+
+"O, no! I shoot at home; only I cannot make a spectacle of myself,--I
+hate the whole thing so much."
+
+"And you would not wear a fancy dress?"
+
+"You see I am in mourning."
+
+"Why, who is dead?"
+
+"Don't you know? Old Mr. Thomas Marchmont."
+
+"Yes, and his great-grandfather likewise! Well, you certainly are
+inclined to make the most of your connection with the peerage,"
+
+"Edmund!" and for the first time Marian felt as if she had been making
+herself more foolish than magnanimous. He gave his arm and they walked
+along together. He presently began abruptly, "What I came here for was
+to consult you about a plan for Gerald. You see I shall never get at him
+unless I have him alone. Now I don't like to take him away from you for
+the holidays, but I do not see how it is to be managed otherwise."
+
+"I don't do him any good now," said Marian sadly.
+
+"What I thought of was this; I find I can get leave for two months this
+summer. Now suppose I was to take him to Marchmont's grouse shooting
+place in Scotland, and about among the Highlands and Islands. Perhaps
+the pleasure of that excursion would make up for the being carried off
+by an awful guardian, and those scrambles might bring him to the old
+footing with me."
+
+"O it would be very nice to have him with you," said Marian; "but----"
+
+"Well, what is the but?"
+
+"I don't know, only would not taking him home be more likely to revive
+old associations than anything else?"
+
+"No," answered Edmund most decidedly; then in a more hesitating manner,
+as if casting about for reasons, he added, "I mean he was at home last
+year--it would not appear so inviting as this expedition--it would be
+giving every one a great deal of trouble."
+
+"To have the Manor House set to rights--yes--but just a week at the
+Parsonage--just to revive the old feelings with you. For you to teach
+him how to behave to the Fern Torr people."
+
+"No," repeated Edmund, "it would not do."
+
+He spoke in a manner that made Marian look up in his face with surprise,
+and exclaim as if hurt, "Then you are really casting off poor old Fern
+Torr."
+
+The next moment she was sorry she had said so, for his namesake in
+"Kenilworth" could never have worn a more melancholy aspect than he, as
+he answered in a very low voice of deep feeling, "I am the last man in
+the world to be reproached with too little affection for Fern Torr."
+
+Marian was grieved, surprised, confused, but she had no time to find an
+answer, for the quadrille was forming, Edmund began a search for _vis à
+vis_, and she found herself dancing before she had made up her mind what
+she should have said if she could have replied at once; but it was too
+late to return to the subject, and she thought it best to begin entirely
+another, by asking, the next time they were standing still, how he liked
+the officers of his new regiment.
+
+"Very much, most of them," replied Edmund; "one or two are particularly
+nice people."
+
+"Do you like any as well as Captain Gresham or--"
+
+"New friends are not old ones," quickly answered Edmund.
+
+"O no, but if you knew them as well, are there any equally worthy to be
+liked? I want you to be comfortable there very much, as it is all our
+fault."
+
+"Don't say any more of that, Marian. Thank you, I am very
+comfortable--they are a very pleasant set."
+
+"Are there any of them here?"
+
+"Yes, three of them."
+
+_L'Eté_ cut short his speech, and when they paused again he began, "I
+mean you to dance with Dashwood--there that rosy tall boy standing
+partnerless behind the lady in a Swiss fly-away cap."
+
+"O I see," said Marian.
+
+"Yes, and don't be high and mighty with him."
+
+"High and mighty, when I am only shy."
+
+"Effects are seen, causes are not equally on the surface."
+
+"O Edmund!"
+
+"Well, he is a very nice right-minded boy, very shy himself; so don't
+be grand, for I have a great regard for him, and I want him to have a
+pleasant evening."
+
+Marian was considerably frightened by being told to be agreeable, the
+thing which of all others she thought the most difficult; but she would
+attempt anything for the sake of obliging Edmund, and making no answer,
+consoled herself with thinking how far off the next quadrille was. In
+the mean time, whilst she danced in the most business-like and least
+pleasure-like way possible, she was pondering on what she had to say on
+her own account to her cousin, and when the quadrille was over and he
+took her to the supper room in quest of ices, she eagerly began, "Then
+you think me wrong about my fancy dress?"
+
+"Shall I give your own favourite reply?"
+
+"Don't you think it a good thing to avoid all this folly and expense?"
+
+"And to prove Miss Arundel's lofty contempt for finery and foolery?"
+
+"I do not want to set myself up, but how am I to help thinking all this
+nonsense?"
+
+"A hard question, since no one attempts to say it is far otherwise; but
+after all, everything in this world is nonsense, except as a means of
+doing right or wrong."
+
+"And you do not think I made this nonsense a means of doing right?"
+
+"If it had been any body else, I should have admired, but I do not trust
+_you_. However I know nothing about it, I cannot judge of the amount of
+sacrifice. Cream ice or water ice?"
+
+They could not converse any more just then, and in the next polka,
+Clara, who not being come out, was not well off for partners, was
+extremely honoured and delighted by being asked to dance by Mr. Arundel.
+When the turn of a quadrille came round again, Edmund, as good as his
+word, introduced to Marian his youthful ensign, and she, dreadfully
+afraid of not obeying Edmund by being agreeable to his friend, set
+herself to talk with all her might; told him what some of the costumes
+were intended to represent, speculated as to the others, found him
+very pleasant, and ended by making him consider his friend's cousin as
+delightful as she was handsome, and he had been very much impressed with
+her countenance. She saw Edmund was well pleased to see him looking
+animated and gratified, and the consequence was that she had to dance
+with another of his brother officers, and after all it had not been by
+any means such hard work to be amiable as she was apt to imagine. At any
+rate she never liked a ball so well, but then she had never met Edmund
+at any other, which might account for it. After the last quadrille, Mrs.
+Lyddell summoned her to come home, they took their leave of Caroline and
+Clara, whom Mrs. Lyddell promised to fetch to-morrow: Lady Julia was
+particularly full of empressement and affection, delighted that dear
+Caroline had been looking so lovely. She even came out with them to the
+cloak-room, where her son was assiduous in shawling Mrs. Lyddell, and
+all manner of civilities seemed to be passing among them in a low voice,
+while Edmund having disengaged Marian's shawl from the surrounding
+drapery, said, as he put it round her, "Then it is settled that I take
+Gerald and try to do for the best?"
+
+"O if you are so kind--"
+
+"Don's trust too much to it. I will try, which is all I can do."
+
+"No one can do him any good if you cannot."
+
+"Hush! And I must thank you for taking my scolding in such good part."
+
+"I deserved it."
+
+"I have since been thinking you are probably right. I am sure you are
+in the principle of the thing. It was the particular application that
+startled me."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell moved on, the carriage was at the door, they were all in
+it, Elliot of course last, and as he threw himself back in his corner
+and the door was shut, he exclaimed in a satisfied tone, "Well! he is
+coming it pretty strong!" Who was coming what? thought Marian, but her
+suspense did not last long, for Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell both chimed in
+with exclamations of satisfaction which left no doubt that they were
+delighting themselves in the prospect of seeing Caroline mistress of
+High Down. Marian had been in some slight degree prepared for this, she
+knew Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell would highly approve, nay, consider such a
+marriage as fulfilling their highest expectations, such an establishment
+as all that could be wished; and depending as she did on Caroline's
+principle and right feeling, she was sorry to think how much vexation
+and worrying was in store for her. As she sat disregarded and forgotten
+through that long dark drive, hearing all the eager gratulations and
+anticipations of her three companions, regarding a marriage which she
+could not think of without a sort of horror, how did she despise them,
+feel imprisoned, and long to make her escape. She had not the least
+doubt as to what Caroline would do; her rejection of such a man was a
+matter of certainty; but Marian was vexed with her for having allowed
+herself to become so intimate with the Faulkners, and thought she had
+brought on herself all the annoyances that would follow.
+
+Tired, irritated, excited, Marian was very glad to escape from the
+carriage, wish the rest good night, and run up to her own room. She sat
+before her glass, slowly brushing out her long dark hair, and trying
+to bring home her feverish thoughts, and dwell on what had passed,
+especially with Edmund, on whom she had not yet had time to think, and
+of all those hints of his, as to her behaviour in this matter. Had he
+approved it or not? or would he if he had known all the circumstances?
+There was something that struck her a good deal in his saying "I cannot
+judge of the amount of sacrifice." Had it been a sacrifice to wear a
+plain dress, to abstain from archery? It would have been, to Clara, but
+was it to her? and as she looked at the two grey volumes, with their
+store of pretty engravings and pleasant reading which lay on her table,
+and thought that they were her own for life, and that Anne Clifford's
+dress would now be laid aside and useless for ever after the archery
+prize, if she had won it, would be worthless, and the admiration,
+had she valued it, passed from her ears, she could not feel, for one
+instant, that it had been a sacrifice. Then again came his words, "every
+thing in this world is nonsense, except as a means of doing right or
+wrong." Yes, pretty books, pleasant pictures, taste and intellect were
+in themselves as little precious as dress and finery, things as fleeting
+when compared with eternity, except so far as they trained the soul
+and the higher faculties which _might_ endure for ever. She thought of
+"Whether there he prophecies, they shall fail, whether there be tongues,
+they shall cease, whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away."
+All was a shadow except that charity which never faileth, a beautiful
+picture, even as a costly dress! the way we treat these things alone
+enduring. Her head throbbed as she tried to be certain as to whether she
+had acted right. If the dress had required the money set apart for the
+poor she would have been perfectly clear about it, but she knew it
+need not have done so. Would her vanity have been gratified? Decidedly
+not--admiration of her face was so distasteful to her proud shrinking
+bashfulness, that she felt it like an insult when reported to her, and
+could almost have wished not to be so handsome, if it had not been more
+agreeable to an artist-like eye to see a tolerable physiognomy in the
+glass, when obliged to look there, and besides she would not but be like
+the Arundels, and was well satisfied with the consciousness of having
+their features, as indeed she would have been if their noses had been
+turned up and their "foreheads villainous low." If _her_ vanity was
+gratified, it was by standing apart from, and being able to look down on
+the rest of the world; and as Marian became conscious of this, her mind
+turned from it with the vexation of spirit, the disgust and sensation of
+dislike, and willingness to forget all about it, that every one is apt
+to feel with regard to a vanity passed away--something analogous to the
+contempt and dislike with which we turn from the withered shreds of
+tangible vanity, faded and crumpled artificial flowers, and tumbled
+gauze ribbon when disinterred from some dusty and forgotten corner. No
+feeling is much more unpleasant than the loathing of an old vanity; and
+though this of Marian's was not yet old, yet that touch of Edmund's
+which had shown her how he regarded her "high-and-mightiness," had made
+her very much ashamed of it. Then came the question whether it was,
+after all, self-will that had actuated her, pride and self-will, leading
+her contrary to every one's wishes, where she was not sure that she was
+fulfilling a duty. Again, on the other hand, there was this point about
+the Faulkner family, her dislike to them was founded on principle;
+indeed it was not dislike, for she allowed their agreeableness of
+manner, it was disapproval; it was determination not to enter into
+anything approaching to intimate acquaintance with a man whom she
+believed to be little better than an infidel. If Edmund knew this, would
+not he think her right? But then to be consistent, she should not have
+accepted his hospitality in any degree; she ought not to have gone to
+the ball, nor ever to have dined at his house. How far was she called on
+to set her face against him, how far was she independent, how far was
+obedience to the Lyddells a duty? This must be for a question for Edmund
+another time, and she hoped that Caroline's refusal would put an end
+to the intercourse. Nor were these all her reflections. She thought of
+Edmund and his kindness to Gerald, and the hopes, nay the confidence
+which it revived in her, setting her mind fully at rest about her
+precious brother, for in spite of Edmund's despondency, she could not
+help trusting entirely to the renewal of his influence; for who was
+like Edmund? Who so entirely treated, as well as spoke of, the world as
+nothing except as a means of doing right or wrong?
+
+But then that he should be out of spirits, as she had more plainly than
+ever perceived to-night, in spite of the gaiety he had at first assumed,
+his manner of replying when she pressed him to go to Fern Torr, and his
+absolute avoidance of it, struck and puzzled her much as well as grieved
+her. She knew his loneliness, and could understand that he might be
+melancholy, but why he should shrink from the home he so loved was
+beyond what she could fathom.
+
+She knew Clara would laugh at her for his having come so many miles on
+her account. Yes, quite sure that it was nonsense. Edmund had talked
+of coming to see her, so openly, he had laughed at and blamed her so
+uncompromisingly, that she had no doubt that he had not the least
+inclination to fall in love with her. She had the best of elder brothers
+in him, and he would take care of Gerald, and, happy in her confidence
+she fell asleep.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+  "What is that which I should turn to, lighting upon days like these?
+  Every door is barr'd with gold and opens but to golden keys.
+         *       *       *       *       *
+  "Yearning for the large excitement that the coming years would yield,
+  Eager hearted as a boy when he first leaves his father's field."
+
+  TENNYSON.
+
+
+Marian was not up much later than usual the next morning, but she had
+a long time to wait for the rest of the party. She read, wrote, drew,
+tried to busy herself as usual all the morning, but whether it was that
+she was tired with her ball, or that she was anxious about Caroline,
+she did not prosper very much, and grew restless and dissatisfied. She
+wished she knew whether she had done right, she wished she could feel
+that she had been kind and accommodating.
+
+Her head was dull and heavy from the struggle to occupy herself when her
+mind was full, and after luncheon she tried to drive her stupidity away
+by a very long ride. Groom and horses were always at her service, as a
+part of Mrs. Lyddell's justice to her, and off she set, in search of
+breezes, to the highest and furthest downs, by her attainable. On she
+went, cantering fast, feeling her power over her spirited pony, letting
+the summer sun shine full on her face, and the wind, when she had ridden
+where she could meet it, stream in a soft ripple round her head, like
+the waves of the summer tide. She rode far enough to attain the object
+she had proposed to herself, namely, to look down on Salisbury spire,
+pointing up in its green valley with the fresh meadows around it, giving
+a sense of refreshment, repose and holy influence, which her eye carried
+to her mind. Good men had raised that pile, had knelt there, sung
+in praise there, and now lay asleep within its grey walls and shady
+cloisters; men and women who had been to the full as much wearied and
+perplexed with sin and worldliness around them as she could ever feel;
+they had struggled through, their worn and fainting hearts had rested
+there, and now their time of peace was come. Why should it not be so
+with her?
+
+Ah! but things were changed; in their time there was energy; there were
+great crimes indeed, but the Church was active. The bad was very bad,
+but the good was very good, there were real broad questions then of
+right and wrong, not the coldness and frivolity, where all was so
+worthless that there was scarce a possibility of caring or seeing which
+part was the right.
+
+No, Marian would not accuse the time in which she was born, and the
+station to which it had pleased God to call her. Mr. Wortley had warned
+her against that. She had a Church, the one true holy Catholic Church,
+as surely and truly, nay, the very same that those men of old had, and
+was as much bound to love it, serve it, fight for it in her own way, as
+ever they had felt themselves. Life, truth, goodness, there was still,
+she saw it, knew it, felt it in some; and though there was little of it
+in her immediate home, so little as to make her heart faint, she knew
+that
+
+  "Israel yet has thousands sealed
+  Who to Baal never kneeled."
+
+If there was this frivolity, this deadness and chilliness about these
+present days, she knew it was a temptation long since prophesied of, as
+about to grow on the world "when, the love of many should wax cold," but
+the help and the hope were never to fail, and while she might but grasp
+after them, she had enough to do, and need not feel faint and weary.
+
+Her ride had done her good, her sensation of bodily lassitude and mental
+stupidity had been driven off by the active exercise which had produced
+a more wholesome kind of fatigue, and the temper which tended to
+discontent had partly gone with them, partly been chased away by
+reflection in a right spirit. As she was entering the park, Elliot, also
+on horseback, came up in time to profit by the same opening of the gate.
+
+"Are you but just come home, Marian?" said he, "I thought I was very
+late."
+
+"I don't know what o'clock it is, but I see the sun is getting low."
+
+"Have not you been at High Down?"
+
+"No, I have been to Beacon Hill."
+
+"To Beacon Hill! That _is_ a ride! And you have not seen any of them
+since they came home?"
+
+"No, I have been out all the afternoon."
+
+"Well, I have a notion you will have something to hear. I dare say you
+have some idea. Catch a young lady not up to a thing like that."
+
+A cold horror and disgust came over Marian, and she would not make a
+single inquiry, but Elliot went on.
+
+"So you will ask no questions? I believe you are in the secret the whole
+time."
+
+"No, I am not."
+
+"No? You will never persuade me that you are not. Why, what else can you
+ladies sit up half the night talking about in your bed rooms?"
+
+Marian despised him too much to deny.
+
+"Then do you really mean to profess," said Elliot, turning full towards
+her, so as to look her in the face in what she deemed an impertinent
+way, "that you cannot guess the news that is waiting for you?"
+
+For once in her life she could not say "I don't know," and her answer
+was a very cold "I believe I do;" while in the meantime she was almost
+feeling, and quite looking, as if she could have cut off his bead. His
+disagreeableness was the one present pain, but behind it was undefined
+consternation, for she perceived that, at any rate, he did not think
+Caroline had refused Mr. Faulkner.
+
+"You keep your congratulations till it is formally announced," said he
+maliciously, still looking at her, though few save himself could have
+failed to be abashed by the firm, severe expression of her dark eyes,
+and lips compressed into all the sternness of the Queen of Olympus.
+
+Happily they were so close to the house that Marian, who would not deign
+a reply, could avoid him without absolute rudeness. She threw her rein
+to the groom, and sprung to the ground before Elliot had time to offer
+his assistance, then ran hastily across the hall just as Clara was
+coming out of the drawing-room.
+
+"Why, Elliot!" cried Clara meeting her brother, "you have not been
+riding with Marian?"
+
+"With Marian? No, I thank you! I only met with her at the gate, and have
+been spoiling your market."
+
+"You don't mean that you have been telling her?" cried Clara; "O I
+wanted to have been first."
+
+"Precious little thanks you'll get!" said Elliot; but Clara, without
+attending to him, flew up stairs after Marian, who had reached her room,
+and while Fanny was endeavouring to get her dressed in time for dinner,
+was trying to collect her dismayed thoughts. She would not believe
+Caroline so foolish, nay, so wicked as to accept him, yet if it could
+possibly be true, what in the world should she say or do which way
+should she look, or how should she answer? In the midst of her first
+confusion in danced Clara, with a face full of delight at having
+something to tell, then looking blank at Fanny's presence.
+
+"Marian--my dear Marian--what do you think?" was her first eager
+beginning, then changing into "How--how late you are--where have you
+been! I really thought you had been out with Elliot," and she laughed.
+
+"I only fell in with him at the gate. I have been to Beacon Hill."
+
+"Have you indeed? O I wish you had come with mamma! So Elliot has
+been provoking, and told you," she added, stopping there, and looking
+significant.
+
+Marian glanced at Fanny, and shook her head. She was very glad she had
+such a protector, to give her time to collect her thoughts, but this was
+not easy, for Clara went rattling on in an eager discursive way about
+all sorts of things, the archery, the dancing, the partners, the
+dresses, hardly knowing what she said, nor Marian either, fidgeting
+about, trying to expedite the dressing, and looking most impatient, till
+at last Marian, anxious to know what had really taken place, pitying her
+eagerness, and willing to have it over, hurried the fastening of her
+dress, and arranging of her lace, and told Fanny to leave them.
+
+"O Marian! Marian! what a shame of Elliot to have told you all about it.
+Did you expect it?"
+
+"He only half told me," replied Marian, "but make haste, Clara, let me
+hear. Is Caroline really engaged?"
+
+"Yes--yes--O yes! and every one is so delighted, Lady Julia, and Julia
+and Louisa, and all!"
+
+"And she has accepted him?"
+
+"O yes to be sure--at least--yes, only you know it is too soon to settle
+when they will be married. What a charming wedding it will be, won't
+it, Marian?--you and I find Julia and Louisa, and their cousins will be
+bridesmaids O! how delightful it will be. And then I shall come out."
+
+"But Clara, Clara, don't be wild, do tell me all about it."
+
+"Ah! you see you missed something by not coming to stay there as we did.
+And to tell you a great secret, Marian, Louisa says she really believes
+that it was you that her brother thought of, when he first accepted
+Elliot's invitation to come and stay here."
+
+"Nonsense," said Marian, though her colour would rise.
+
+"And he had not seen Caroline then, Louisa says," proceeded Clara, but
+there she got into an inextricable confusion, and was not speedy in
+stammering out of it, having suddenly remembered that it was no great
+compliment to tell Marian that Louisa had said how glad they all were
+that it was not Miss Arundel. Marian cut the hesitation short by saying,
+"You have not told me when it was settled, or how you heard it."
+
+"It was settled last night after you were gone--in the conservatory--
+such a pretty place for a love affair, as Louisa says--at least I mean
+he asked her, but I don't think she gave him any real regular answer--
+no, certainly she did not."
+
+"Did you know of it that evening?"
+
+"O yes, Louisa and I had great fun in watching him all day, and all the
+day before, we saw it all quite plain."
+
+"But did Caroline tell you that night?"
+
+"Yes, of course she did. She could not have kept it from me, you know,
+for I began to laugh at her the minute we came up, and asked her if she
+had not been delightfully employed, and you should have seen what a
+colour she grew directly."
+
+"And what did she say?" asked Marian very anxiously, almost hoping it
+might prove that Caroline's acceptance might have been taken for granted
+without having been really given.
+
+"I don't exactly remember what she said, she was very grave and said it
+was no laughing matter, or something of that kind, and she walked up and
+down and begged me to be quiet and let her think."
+
+"Well!"
+
+"Then I begged her only to let me know if he had proposed, and what she
+had said, and she told me she had said nothing--she could not tell--she
+must have time, and then she leant her head against the side of the bed,
+and said she wished she knew what to do! And when I tried to cheer her
+up, and said how delightful it would be----"
+
+"O Clara, how could you?" broke from Marian.
+
+"Ah! I know you can't bear the Faulkners, but you must now, for they
+will be your cousins, you know, Marian. And I assure you I did not say
+anything silly, I said it was not only that Mr. Faulkner is handsome and
+rich, that would not be anything, you know, but he is so sensible and so
+agreeable, and kind, and good tempered, and we are all so fond of him,
+and the Faulkners all so fond of her, and it would be so very nice to
+have her close to us, and mamma would be so charmed. Well, poor dear
+girl, she did not sleep at all that night, and this morning she only
+wanted, if she could, to have sent a note for us to be sent for to come
+home to breakfast, but that could not be, you know, and when we came
+down, Lady Julia was so kind and affectionate, and kissed her and said
+she was tired, and took her to lie on the sofa, in the little boudoir.
+Lady Julia sat with her there first, and then Mr. Faulkner came, and
+stayed with her a long, long time."
+
+"O!" sighed Marian, "was it settled then?"
+
+"Not exactly settled, but somewhere about three o'clock, Mr. Faulkner
+ordered his horse, and rode out to find papa, and then Caroline ran up
+to our room, and bolted the door, and said she could not let me in,
+but just then mamma came and went up to her, and it was all joy and
+congratulation through the whole house. Mr. Faulkner came back and papa
+with him. But dear me, there is the second bell! Come, Marian! O, I do
+so wish you had been there."
+
+If Marian had been there, perhaps things would not have been exactly as
+they were at present, though this was very far from what Clara intended
+by her wish. Marian had done infinite mischief by the severity which had
+weakened the only home influence excepting Walter's which held Caroline
+to the right. Caroline respected her extremely, but the confidence and
+affection which had been growing up slowly but surely out of that root
+of esteem, had been grievously dulled and blighted, and at a most
+critical time. It had in fact been almost killed down to the ground, and
+though the root was a healthy one, and might yet shoot forth again,
+the opportunity had been missed when it might have been turned to good
+account.
+
+Caroline knew Mr. Faulkner not to be a religious man, and her better
+principles warned her against him; but on the other hand she really
+liked his manners extremely, her heart was warmed towards him by his
+preference and expressions of affection, and she did not know whether
+she loved him already or not, or whether she should allow herself to
+love him, as he was sure she could do. She had been used to a world
+where the service of GOD was not the first object; she had always lived
+with men whose thoughts and time were otherwise engrossed, and though
+she might regret what she saw, her standard had been lowered, and she
+was far less inclined to hold aloof front one whom her conscience did
+not approve, than if she had been accustomed to see everything desirable
+in her own family; in those whom nature and duty obliged her to love and
+respect.
+
+By the Faulkners she was greeted with such kindness as to win her heart,
+and she thought the power she would enjoy at High Down would enable her
+to set things on a footing there, on which she could never place them at
+home; she could not fail to be happy with Mr. Faulkner; she might work
+upon his mind, if he loved her as he said he did. Still there stood the
+great unanswerable obstacle, the three words, "It is wrong!" If she
+stood alone, if there was no family on either side, she could, she would
+refuse, but dismay seized on her when she thought of the displeasure,
+the persecution at home if she rejected him; on the other hand she
+shrank from ingratitude for the kindness of the Faulkners. There was
+Clara putting her in mind of all that could bias her in his favour,
+rejoicing already, saying how all the family would rejoice.
+
+O that interval, that night! if Marian had but stood there with the
+grave, earnest, heartfelt voice that repelled all sophistry with the
+wonted "I don't know," if the dark eyes had been there to look with
+contempt on all but the "right," and to fill with tears, the more
+touching because so rare, as her tenderness, her deep feeling would
+have been called out by the sensation of seeing and aiding a friend to
+struggle nobly against a temptation, if Caroline had felt and seen the
+superiority, the loveableness of real, true, uncompromising regard for
+right, and right alone, if she had been by one touch made to partake
+of the horror Marian felt of any failure in faith, then all the innate
+strength and nobleness of her character might have been awakened, and
+she would have clung to "the right" at any cost, supported, carried
+through by Marian's approval and sympathy, keeping her up to feel that
+higher approval was with her.
+
+But alas! alas! Marian was at a distance, and her image had at present
+connected itself with harshness and haughtiness. She might be good;
+but such goodness did not invite imitation; she did not appear half as
+agreeable as the Faulkners. Caroline turned away from the recollection
+of her, was all night and all the morning distressed, undecided, and
+vacillating; then came Lady Julia's affection, her lover pressing his
+suit, she hardly knew what she had said, but she found her consent
+was assumed, both families were rejoicing in it, she found herself
+considered to be engaged, and she returned home bewildered at all that
+had passed, flattered, almost intoxicated with the attention of various
+kinds paid her by every one, at High Down, and when her wonted dread of
+Marian's disapproving eye would return, hardening herself against it
+with the thought that Marian could not make every one as Utopian as
+her own Edmund and Fern Torr, that she was proud and determined in
+prejudice, and after all what right had she to interfere? Of Walter,
+Caroline did not dare to think.
+
+Marian came down with Clara, wearing a rigid company countenance,
+expressing more of indifference than of anything else; she would not
+look at Caroline lest her eye should seem to judge her, and only by
+furtive glances perceived that she looked pale, worn and wearied. There
+was talk about the ball going on all dinner-time, but Caroline hardly
+put in a word, and Marian's were not many. Directly after dinner
+Caroline said she was tired, and should lie down till tea-time; she went
+and Mrs. Lyddell, taking Marian by the hand, exclaimed, "Now, Marian, I
+must be congratulated. I suppose Clara has told you all about it."
+
+"Yes, Clara told me," said Marian, resolved not to offend except where
+she could not avoid it without sacrificing truth.
+
+"You could scarcely be surprised," said Mrs. Lyddell. "It has been
+evident for a long time. Dear Caroline! Well, I am sure this is a
+satisfaction! Settled so near home, and family and connection exactly
+what could be wished; and so extremely fond of her."
+
+"Yes, Lady Julia is very fond of her."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was too much rejoiced herself not to take sympathy for
+granted. The point, on which Caroline's scruples were founded, and which
+caused Marian's dislike, had never even occurred to her: she lived
+little, or rather not at all, in Marian's confidence, and really did not
+know that she disliked the Faulkners more than any one else, since her
+manners were so universally distant, that a little ungraciousness more
+or less was not very visible to a casual observer like Mrs. Lyddell.
+That same ordinary coldness and undemonstrativeness which had never
+thawed to Mrs. Lyddell was the reason that the entire absence of any
+expression of gladness or congratulation was not remarked, or at least
+only taken as her way, and besides at the bottom of her heart, Mrs.
+Lyddell was very much obliged to Marian for the repelling manner which
+had left the field to her daughter. So Marian got very well through
+half an hour's interview, without giving offence; but she feared the
+_tête-à-tête_ with Caroline, and resolved as much as possible to avoid
+it, since she could do no good, and did not think it right to express
+her sentiments unless they were positively called for. Disappointed in
+Caroline, grieved, giving her up for lost, yet loving and pitying her,
+she had rather never meet her again, certainly not have any confidential
+intercourse with her.
+
+She need not have feared: Caroline was quite as much inclined to avoid
+her as she could be to avoid Caroline; by mutual consent they shunned
+being left alone together, and talked of indifferent matters if they
+were, for there was not familiarity enough for silence. When with the
+others Caroline was the same as usual, lively, agreeable, obliging;
+perhaps, and Marian thought it strange, a shade gayer than her wont. In
+her behaviour to Mr. Faulkner every one agreed that she was exactly the
+right thing, quiet and sensible, and, as people said, "evidently so very
+much attached to him." Marian would have given worlds to know what was
+passing in her secret soul, but the right of reading there was gone.
+What did Walter think? To this also there was no answer; if he wrote,
+Marian heard nothing about his letter, and he did not come home. He was
+to be ordained in the autumn to a curacy in a large manufacturing town
+in the north of England, and in the meantime he was staying there with
+one of the other curates, helping in the schools, and learning something
+of the work before him. There was not a doubt in Marian's mind that his
+sister's engagement must be a great sorrow to him, and that this was the
+reason why he would not come home, even for a short visit. For Caroline,
+so really good, right thinking and excellent as she was, so far above
+the general tone of her family, wilfully to place herself in such a
+situation, to cast away all the high and true principles with which she
+had once been imbued, was too sad and grievous to be borne by one who
+loved her as Marian, did all the time, and how much worse it must be for
+her brother?
+
+Yes, little did most of those who saw Marian's unmoved, marble
+countenance, and heard her stiff, formal words, guess at the intensity
+of feeling beneath, which to those who knew her best was betokened by
+that very severity; how acutely she was suffering for the future before
+Caroline, how strong were the impulses to plead with her once more, how
+sick and loathing her heart felt at the manner in which this hateful
+connection was treated by all around. If that reserve could, or ought
+to, have been broken, Marian would have astonished them all.
+
+If her former anxieties about Gerald had been as of old, she really did
+not know how she could have endured them in addition to all this; but
+while she was at ease about him nothing could quite overwhelm her. And
+she was very happy about him; Mr. Lyddell had readily consented to the
+Highland plan, and Gerald was so enchanted that he forgot all his former
+fears of Edmund, saw in him only a fellow-sportsman, and when he wrote
+to tell his sister of the project, decorated his letter with a portrait
+of the holidays, every one of the thirty-seven days represented in a
+sort of succession of clouds one behind the other, in each of which
+Gerald was doing something delightful,--boating, shooting, bagging his
+game, and enjoying an infinite variety of sports, the invention and
+representation of which did considerable credit to his ingenuity. On the
+very day after the Eton election, he met Edmund in London, and they set
+off together to spend the time before the ecstatic twelfth of August in
+visits to the Trosachs, to Fingal's cave and every other Scottish wonder
+of note.
+
+Lionel returned alone, and the first thing he said as he skimmed his hat
+across the hall table was, "There! thank goodness, I shan't touch a book
+again these five weeks!" Every one asked after his eyes, but they told
+their own story, for they were considerably inflamed, and so evidently
+out of order that Mrs. Lyddell herself grew anxious, and the apothecary,
+Mr. Wells, was sent for. He spoke of their having been over tried by the
+school work, advised complete rest, and sent his mixture to bathe them,
+which in a day or two reduced the inflammation, made them comfortable,
+and restored them to their ordinary appearance, so that all anxiety
+passed off again.
+
+Marian, like the others, dismissed the fear, though a flash of
+apprehension now and then crossed her mind. She was more with Lionel
+than the others, they had always been great allies, and at present were
+more thrown together than had ever been the case before. Johnny had been
+appointed to a ship which was to sail from Plymouth in a very short
+time, and he only came home for two or three days, from the school where
+he had been prepared. Mr. Lyddell took him to London for his outfit, and
+then on to Plymouth; Mrs. Lyddell was extremely overset, more so than
+Marian had thought her capable of being, for Johnny was her favourite,
+she regarded him as a victim, and could not bear to expose him to all
+the perils of sea and climate.
+
+Johnny however went to Plymouth, and then there was nothing to be
+desired but that he should soon sail, that his mother might settle her
+mind, for in the mean time she was nervously anxious and restless,
+and could scarcely give her attention to anything, not even to the
+Faulkners, far less to what Marian was observing from time to time about
+Lionel's eyes.
+
+Now that John and Gerald were away, Lionel was deprived of his wonted
+companions: Elliot did not patronize him, and was besides too busy about
+the races to occasion on his own account any home sports in which Lionel
+might have taken a share, so that there was no companionship for him
+excepting with the young ladies. Caroline's and Clara's time was a great
+deal taken up with the Faulkners, and Marian and Lionel were thus left
+out by all and almost obliged to make a coalition.
+
+Lionel haunted the drawing-room in the morning, either talking in the
+half-rhodomontade, half-in-earnest fashion of boys of sixteen, or
+listening if there was any reading aloud going forward. Clara's readings
+with Marian and Caroline had well-nigh fallen to the ground now, and
+Caroline almost always spent the morning in her own room, but Marian now
+and then caught Clara and managed to get her to do something rational.
+More often, however, the reading was on Marian's part to Lionel; he
+liked to hear her read scraps of any book she might have in hand, and
+she was very merciful to him in the selection, not being by any means
+too wise. She read him likewise the new numbers of the periodical tales,
+as well as the particulars of the rowing matches and cricket matches,
+overcoming for his sake her dislike to touching Elliot's sporting
+newspaper. Indeed she had not so forgotten her cricket as not to be very
+much interested, to enter into all his notes and comments, and to be as
+anxious for the success of Eton as he was himself, so that if she had
+been called to give an account of her whole morning's work for three
+days, she could have said nothing of it but that she had been studying
+the matches at Lord's.
+
+In the afternoon, if Marian could escape from the drive in the carriage,
+they walked or rode together, the latter when it was not too bright a
+day, for Lionel avoided the sunshine like an owl; and when in their
+walks a sunny field, or piece of down had to be passed, he drew his hat
+down and came under the shelter of Marian's parasol, as if he fairly
+dreaded the glare. He was very apt too not to recognise people whom they
+met, and now and then made such strange mistakes about small objects
+near at hand, that though they were laughed at just at the moment,
+Marian thought them fearful signs when she recollected them afterwards,
+in that half-waking half-sleeping time when she had learnt to entertain
+herself with anxieties. Chess or backgammon was the great resource in
+the evening, when there was no dining out, and no grand dinner party,
+and the number of games Marian played with him were beyond all
+reckoning. He played, she thought, more by the touch than the eye, often
+feeling the head of a piece to satisfy himself whether it had the king's
+crown or the queen's round head, the bishop's mitre or the knight's
+ears, but he was so quick and ready that it was impossible to tell how
+far the defect of sight went, and she could not bear to ask or awaken
+his fears.
+
+She did not think he had any; she did not believe that he had ever seen
+quite as well as other people, and therefore trusted to sight less than
+most; and his eyes had been so often ailing, and then better, that he
+was not likely to take alarm now. If he had, she believed he would have
+told her, for he was very confidential with her, and she often thought
+it a great pity that no one else had thought it worth while to enter
+into him enough to find out what a right-thinking, sensible boy he was,
+and how affectionate he would be if they would only let him. One day,
+when they had been taking a long ride together, he began talking about
+his intentions for the future. It arose out of some observation about
+the value of a tree in a new and an old country. Marian had been
+lamenting that no modern houses were ever built with the beautiful
+patterns of dark timbers, as we see them in old farm-houses; and Lionel
+answering that so much wood could never be afforded in England now.
+
+"No, you must go to a primeval forest for that," said Marian; "and very
+stupid it is of the people in the colonies to build houses as bad or
+worse than ours, when they have all the materials for nothing."
+
+"Well, I will build a famous house when I emigrate," said Lionel; "a
+regular model of an old English farm-house it shall be,--stout, and
+strong, and handsome,--just to put the people in mind that they do
+belong to an old country, after all."
+
+"When you emigrate, Lionel?"
+
+"Yes, I really have a great mind to do so, seriously, Marian," and he
+rode nearer to her. "I do think it would be the best thing I could do.
+Don't you think so?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, considering, while his eager face was
+turned towards her.
+
+"You see," Lionel continued, "we must all do something for ourselves;
+and I am sure my eyes will never be fit for study. To be a clergyman is
+out of the question for me, even if I was good enough; and so is the
+law--"
+
+"Yes, yes, certainly."
+
+"Well, then, there is only the army, and there one can't get on without
+money. Now you know Elliot has been a monstrous expense to my father of
+late, and the times have grown so bad, and everything altogether has
+gone wrong; so that I think the only thing for it would be for me to go
+off to some new part of the world, where, when I once had a start, my
+own head and hands would maintain me,--no thanks to anybody."
+
+"I dare say it would," said Marian, rather sadly, "I am sure these are
+right grounds, Lionel; but it is a terrible severing of all home ties."
+
+"O, but I should come back again. I should be an Englishman still, and
+come back when I had made my fortune."
+
+"O, Lionel, don't be in a hurry to make a fortune; that spoils every
+one."
+
+"No, no, I am not going to grasp and grub for money; I hate that. Only
+if the fortune comes, one does not know how, with cattle, or horses, or
+lands--O, Marian, think of being an Australian stockman, riding after
+those famous jockeys of wild bulls--hurra!" Lionel rose in his stirrups,
+and flourished his whip round his head, so as greatly to amaze his
+steed. "There is a life to lead in a great place bigger than all Europe,
+instead of being stifled up in this little bit of a poky England, every
+profession choke full of people!"
+
+"Well done, Lionel, you do want a field indeed!"
+
+"So I do. I hate to be fenced up, and in, every way. I should like to
+break out in some fresh place, and feel I had all the world before me!
+Then I'll tell you what, Marian," and he spoke with infinite relish,
+"suppose matters got a little worse here, and they were all of them
+really in distress!"
+
+"O Lionel!"
+
+"Well, but listen. Then I should like to come home with all this fortune
+that I had made somehow, and get them all on their legs again; buy back
+the estate, perhaps, and give it to papa again; and then--and then"--his
+voice quivered a little, and his eyes winked, as if the sun had dazzled
+them--"see if mamma would not think me worth something, after all!"
+
+This was the only time Lionel had ever said a word to show that he was
+conscious of his mother's disregard of him; and the feeling it called up
+made Marian's heart so full that she could not reply. But he wanted no
+answer, and went on. "Would not that be worth living for, Marian? But,
+after all, that is all nonsense," he added, with a sigh; "at least it is
+all a chance. But what I really think is, that I should do much better
+for myself and every one else, in one of the colonies; and I have a
+great mind to speak to my father about it. By the by, I wish Mr. Arundel
+would come here when he has finished his journey with Gerald; I should
+like to talk to him about the Cape. I rather fancy the Cape, because of
+the lions; and one might have a chance of a row now and then with the
+Caffres."
+
+Marian began telling all she could about the Cape, and from that time
+her _tête-à-têtes_ with Lionel were chiefly spent in discussions upon
+the comparative merits of the colonies. One thing Lionel was resolved
+on. "I will go somewhere where there is a Church within a tolerable
+distance,--say twenty miles; that is a short one for a colony, you know,
+Marian; for I know I am such a wild fellow, that I should very soon
+forget everything good, if I had not something to put me in mind of it.
+Or, by the by, Marian, what would be jolly would be to get Walter to go;
+I dare say he would, if it was some place where they were very badly off
+indeed, with plenty of natives, and all very savage."
+
+Marian understood quite well enough, to agree that it must be some place
+"very badly off indeed" to invite Walter, and Lionel greatly enjoyed the
+further arranging of plans for taking care of his intended chaplain,
+whom he meant to save from roughing it as much as possible. However,
+this might be regarded as a very aerial pinnacle of his castle, the
+first foundation of which was yet to be laid, by broaching the subject
+to his father. Lionel talked over the proposing it many times with his
+counsellor, and at length resolved upon it, with some slight hope that
+it might save his eyes from the suffering of another half year at Eton,
+which, as the holidays came nearer to an end, he began to dread.
+
+"You see, Marian," he said, "I do not like to give out, when I can help
+it, for they think it shirking, and there was a time when I did shirk;
+but a great many times last half, I was nearly mad with the aching and
+smarting of my eyes after I had been reading. And all I did was by bits
+now and then; for if I went on long the letters danced, and there was a
+mist between me and them."
+
+"I wish you would tell Mr. Lyddell; I am sure it is not fit to go on in
+such a way."
+
+"I have told Wells," answered Lionel.
+
+A pause--then Lionel said, "I believe papa is in the library; I'll go
+and speak to him about the emigration."
+
+Marian was very anxious to hear the result of the conference, but she
+could not find out anything just at first as she had to drive out with
+Mrs. Lyddell and Caroline to make calls. In the evening, over the game
+at chess, Lionel told her that his father said he should talk to his
+mother about it; and two days after he came to her in the hall, saying,
+"Come and take a turn in the plantation walk, Marian; 'tis nice and
+shady there, and I have something to tell you."
+
+The something was as follows: "Well, Marian, my father was very kind,
+paid something about its being a sensible notion, and that he would see
+about it."
+
+"But are you to go back to Eton?"
+
+"Yes, that must be; and I must scramble on as best I may. It will be
+better at first, after all this rest. It is something gained that the
+whole plan is not knocked on the head at once."
+
+"Then he gives his consent?"
+
+"Why, he says it will be time to think of it in a year or two, and I
+am too young as yet, which is true enough; only, I wish I was to be
+learning farming, instead of torturing my eyes with what will be no good
+out there. Then he said, as to giving up the army, I need not think that
+was necessary, because it was only that he did not want to have two
+sons in it, and now Johnny is otherwise disposed of; and, besides Mr.
+Faulkner had behaved in such a handsome way about Caroline's fortune.'
+
+"O!" said Marian.
+
+"Yes, I don't like that at all," said Lionel. "Johnny always was crazy
+to be a sailor, so he is all right, and that is not what I care for; but
+I don't want to be beholden to Mr. Faulkner. I had rather Caroline had
+her own money, and not that we should all profit by her making this
+grand marriage."
+
+"I should quite feel with you."
+
+"Marian, we have never talked that over; but I know you cannot bear the
+Faulkners."
+
+"What is the use of asking me, Lionel?"
+
+"O, I know you can't, as well as if you had said so; and I want to know
+how you could let Caroline go and do such a thing?"
+
+"I? How could I help it?" said Marian smiling, at the boy's assuming
+that she had power of which she was far from being conscious. "Besides,
+I thought you liked Mr. Faulkner; you, all of you, did nothing but
+praise him at Christmas."
+
+"I did at first, not at last," said Lionel. "Besides, liking a man to go
+out shooting with is not the same as liking him to marry one's sister."
+
+"By no means!" cried Marian, emphatically. "But what made you think ill
+of him?"
+
+"Things I heard him say to Elliot when we were out together."
+
+"Did Gerald hear them?" asked Marian, very anxiously, as she remembered
+what a hero Mr. Faulkner was in her brother's estimation.
+
+"No, I don't think he did. He certainly was not there the worst time of
+all,--the time that gave a meaning to all the rest. Don't you remember
+that day when Mr. Faulkner drove Elliot and me in his dog-cart to look
+at that horse at Salisbury? I am sure I never praised him after that
+day. He said what Elliot never would have said himself--never."
+
+"How?" Marian could not help asking, though she doubted the next moment
+whether it was wise to have done so.
+
+"Things about--about religion--the Bible," said Lionel, looking down and
+mumbling, as if it was with difficulty that he squeezed out the answer.
+"Now, you know, I have heard," he added, speaking more freely, "I have
+heard people make fun with a text or a name out of the Bible many a
+time; and though that is very bad of them, I think they don't mean much
+harm by it. Indeed, I have now and then done it myself, and should
+oftener, if I had not known how you hated it."
+
+"It is a very wrong thing," but I see what you mean,--that some people
+do it from want of thought."
+
+"Yes, just so; but that is a very different thing from almost quizzing
+the whole Bible,--at least talking as if it was an absurd thing to
+accept the whole of it, I do declare, Marian, he was worse when he began
+to praise it than he was before; for he talked of the Old Testament as
+if it was just like the Greek mythology, and then he compared it to
+Homer, and Æschylus, and the Koran. To be sure he did say it was
+better poetry and morality; but the idea of comparing it! I don't mean
+comparing as if it must be better, but as if it stood on the same
+ground."
+
+"And did Elliot listen to all this?" said Marian, thinking the poison
+must have been in rather too intellectual a form for Elliot.
+
+"He listened," said Lionel. "I don't think he would ever set up to say
+such things for himself; but I believe he rather liked hearing them
+said. I am quite sure this Faulkner will make him worse than he is
+already, for all this talk is a hundred times worse than going on in
+Elliot's way."
+
+"To be sure it is--a thousand times!"
+
+"But what I want to know is this, Marian? has Caroline got any notion
+of what sort of a man she has got? Because if she does it with her eyes
+open, it can't be helped; but if not, I think she ought to be warned;
+for I don't suppose the man is fool enough to talk in this way to her.
+Indeed, I think I heard him say that believing is all very well for
+women."
+
+"Why don't you tell her, then?"
+
+"That is the very thing I had on my mind all these holidays; but I know
+no one would ever listen to me. If Walter was here it would be a very
+different thing, for he is worth attending to, and Caroline knows that;
+though she thinks I have no sense at all but for mischief."
+
+"She could not think so, if she heard you speak as you do now."
+
+"Then there is another thing, Marian, and what makes it quite--at least
+very nearly out of the question; I don't believe they in the least
+reckoned on my hearing all this. You know the man is very good-natured;
+well, he took me up to go instead of his servant, and I was sitting
+back to back with them. I sometimes think my bad eyes have made my ears
+sharper, for I know I often hear when other people don't; and so I
+should not expect they supposed in the least that I was attending,
+though I did not miss a word, for I could not help hearing. Now, you
+see, I could not possibly go and betray him; and if you were not the
+safest person in the world, I would never have told you: only, if
+somebody could just give Caroline a hint that she is going to marry an
+infidel, it would be a pleasant thing."
+
+"A pleasant thing!" repeated Marian. Then she paused, considering, and
+Lionel waited patiently while she did so, "I see," she said at last,
+"that you could hardly tell her of this conversation; and after all,
+Lionel, I believe we knew what was quite as bad of him from the first:
+this only proves it a little more fully."
+
+"Did you?"
+
+"Yes, Lord Marchmont told me something of it; and I mentioned it to
+Caroline before he came here at all."
+
+"O, that is right!" said Lionel, greatly relieved, "then it is no
+concern of mine; though what can possess Caroline, I can't think. Is it
+love, I wonder?"
+
+"I suppose so," said Marian, sighing.
+
+"Well, it is a queer thing," said the boy. "I should have thought
+Caroline was one to care about such matters more than I, but perhaps she
+means to convert him. So! I did think Caroline was good for something,
+but it is no affair of mine; and I shall be all the more glad to get off
+to New Zealand to be out of the sight of it all."
+
+"It is very sad indeed!" said Marian. "I am sure it will be nothing but
+wretchedness. Caroline can blind herself now, but that will not go on."
+
+"And why can't you speak to her, and stop her? She used to mind you.
+Does she come and talk about this man as if he was perfection?"
+
+"No," was the sorrowful reply. "She knew from the first my opinion of
+him, and we never have any talks now. We never have had one since she
+was first engaged."
+
+"Whew!" whistled Lionel. "Then she does mean to go and do it, and no
+mistake! Then I've done with her, and shan't think about her any more
+than I can help. If she won't be warned, she must Lave her own way, and
+may marry the Grand Turk, if she likes it better." He whistled again,
+proposed a ride, and went to order the horses; while Marian, walking
+slowly to the house to prepare, did not so much grieve for Caroline,
+for that was an old accustomed sorrow, as marvel at the manner in which
+Lionel had spoken, and wonder where he had learnt the right views and
+excellent sense he had displayed. Far was she from guessing the value of
+such a steady witness to the truth as she had been from the first hour
+when Lionel had perceived and maintained "that she had no humbug in
+her;" how her cares for her brother had borne fruit in him; how he
+learnt from her to reverence goodness, and cleave to the right; and
+how he looked up to her, because her words were few, and her deeds
+consistent. More right in theory, than steady in practice was Lionel;
+very unformed, left untrained by those whose duty it was to watch him;
+but the seeds had been sown, and be his future life what it might, it
+could not but bear the impress of the years she had spent in the same
+family.
+
+She knew nothing of all this; she only thought, as she watched his
+quick, bounding run, that he, the least regarded, was the flower of the
+flock, with principles as good as Walter's, and so much more manly and
+active. For Marian, with all her respect for Walter, could not help
+wishing, like the boys, that he had more life and spirit, and less
+timidity. A little mental courage would, she thought, have brought him
+to expostulate with Caroline, instead of keeping out of the way, and
+leaving her to her fate. Edmund would not have done so.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+  "It's hame, and it's hame, and it's hame."
+
+  Cunningham.
+
+
+Edmund and Gerald had promised to spend a few days at Oakworthy, before
+the one returned to Portsmouth and the other to Eton; but their plans
+were disconcerted by an event which, as Clara said, placed Marian in
+mourning in good earnest, namely, the death of her great aunt, old Mrs.
+Jessie Arundel, who had always lived at Torquay. For the last four or
+five years she had been almost imbecile, and so likely to die at any
+time, that, as it seemed for that very reason, every one took her death
+as a surprise when it really happened.
+
+Edmund thought it right that both he and Gerald should attend her
+funeral. Lord Marchmont, whose wife stood in the same relationship to
+her, met them in London, and they all went together to Torquay, instead
+of making the intended visit to Oakworthy. Gerald was obliged to return
+to Eton on the following day, without coming to Oakworthy; but, to make
+up for it, he wrote to his Writer from Torquay, and his letter ended
+thus,--"Now I have a capital bit of news for you. Old aunt Jessie has
+done what I shall venerate her for ever after--left every scrap of her
+property to Edmund, except a legacy or two to her servants, a picture of
+my father to me, and some queer old-fashioned jewels to you and Selina.
+The will was made just after I was born; so it was to make up to Edmund
+for my cutting him out of Fern Torr. You may suppose how Lord Marchmont
+and I shook hands with him. It is somewhere about £20,000; there is
+good news for you! He is executor, and has got to be here a day or two
+longer; but Lord Marchmont and I set off by the first train to-morrow. I
+shall look out for Lionel, tell him, in case he is too blind to see me.
+Can't you come with him to the station, and have one moment's talk?"
+
+This proved to be possible; and Marian, in the interval between the
+coming of the post and the setting off, had time, all the hurry of her
+dressing, to wonder if she ought to be very much rejoiced. She did not
+believe, that even wealth could spoil Edmund, but she did not think all
+this would be of much use to him. It did not give him a home, and in
+fact she thought it rather a creditable thing to be as poor as he had
+hitherto been. She had rather have heard of something to make him look
+less like Tressilian, than he had done the last time she had seen him.
+
+She had a pleasant drive with Lionel, who was very glad of any good luck
+befalling Mr. Arundel, and presently, after some meditation, broke out
+as follows:--"My eyes! what miles and miles it would buy in Australia"
+and then proceeded to talk all the rest of the way about Australian
+bulls.
+
+The meeting at the station was a bright one, though so short, as
+scarcely to be worth the journey, if the value of such moments were to
+be reckoned by their number. There was Lord Marchmont to be spoken to,
+as well as Gerald, which broke into the time. Gerald looked very happy
+and pleasant. He said Edmund was the best fellow in the world, and that
+he had been very happy--shot lots of things--he wished he could stop to
+tell about it. Then Marian hurried what she had to say, while Lionel was
+looking after his luggage. "Gerald, would you just try if you can do
+anything to spare Lionel's eyes? When you have the same things to do,
+could you not read to him, or something? they seem so much worse, and I
+am so afraid."
+
+"I'll try," said Gerald, "but I don't think I can do much, and he will
+never give in."
+
+The bell rang--Lionel ran up--she wished them good-bye, and drove home,
+happier than when last she parted there from Gerald, wondering what had
+happened in his journey with Edmund, and re-assured, by his free cordial
+tone. She took up a book and read all the way home.
+
+The next thing that was heard of Edmund was in a note to Mr. Lyddell,
+saying that he should come and spend one night at Oakworthy, on his way
+to Portsmouth; that he hoped to arrive about one o'clock, and that
+he should bring Marian her aunt's legacy of the jewels. This was
+communicated to her by Mrs. Lyddell, and she could not discover from
+whence he wrote; she supposed from London, unless he was still detained
+in Devonshire. She looked forward greatly to his coming, as there was
+so much to hear about Gerald; and she felt, as if she wanted something
+pleasant, very much indeed; for, now that Lionel was gone, she found
+what a companion, interest, and occupation he had been, and missed
+him very much. The constraint with all the others, except Clara,
+was wearisome: and Clara, though never ceasing to talk, and very
+affectionately, was anything but a companion, while poor Caroline kept
+more than ever aloof, and had a flightiness of spirits--a sort of
+gaiety of manner--which, to Marian, seemed to be assumed. This was more
+especially the case, after there was an idea of fixing the marriage for
+some time in the autumn, and arrangements were talked over. Marian began
+to have little doubt that she was secretly unhappy, and grew more and
+more tender in feeling towards her; while, by an effect of contraries,
+her manner became more frigid and severe, in proportion to the warmth
+within.
+
+Clara wondered a little what Mr. Arundel was coming for, and laughed and
+looked significant when Marian said she knew perfectly well; but Marian
+thought she knew so thoroughly as not to be in the least disconcerted,
+though Clara's glances were full upon her when he was announced. In he
+came, just at luncheon time; he shook hands with Marian with all his
+might, and one glance convinced her that he had not Tressilian's
+face--nay, that though the sun of Africa had left its traces, he was
+more like the Edmund of the olden time, than she had ever seen him since
+her father's death. There were a good many people at luncheon that day.
+Mr. Faulkner was there, and there were some visitors staying in the
+house. Edmund was a good way from her, and she could only hear his voice
+now and then in the buzz; but it was a very pleasant sound to hear, and
+when he laughed, it was his own natural, free, gay laugh, such as it
+used to be. She was sure he was very happy, and wondered if it was
+possible Aunt Jessie's fortune could have made him so, or whether it
+could all be the satisfaction of having set Gerald to rights.
+
+As they rose to leave the dining room, he came to her, saying, "Marian,
+can you have a walk with me?"
+
+"Oh, yes, I should like it of all things; I will be ready in one
+minute." And away she bounded, saying to Caroline, in the boldest and
+most innocent manner in the world, as if on purpose to show that she
+expected nothing, and would not be laughed at, that Edmund had asked her
+to walk with him. He waited for her in the hall, and they went out, she
+scarcely pausing till they were on the steps, to say, "Well, how did you
+get on with Gerald? I am sure you made him very happy."
+
+"We got on famously. He is a very nice fellow; he only wanted a little
+stimulus the right way. He is thoroughly open and candid, and I have no
+fear but that he will do very well."
+
+Marian could not speak for joy, and for gratitude to her cousin; and
+her heart throbbing with delight, she walked on, waiting for him to say
+something more on this most precious of all tidings. But when he spoke
+again, it was if he had done with the subject of Gerald. "Marian, I
+have something to tell you," He paused--she stood in suspense--he began
+again. "Marian, I am going to be married!"
+
+"O!" and the inquiring, joyful, wondering, confident tone of that O, is
+what nothing can ever convey. Her eyes were turned full on him with the
+same eager curiosity, the same certainty, that he could not do other
+than the best. He did not speak; but the half smile on his lip was a
+full though mute reply to her confidence, that she had only to hear, in
+order to rejoice with all her heart; and he held out a note directed to
+her, in Agnes' writing!
+
+Marian took it, but she was too wild, too delighted, too eager to look
+at him, and hear him, to be able to open it. "O Edmund!" was what she
+said now, and she caught hold of his hand for an ecstatic shake.
+
+"Yes, thank you, yes. I said I must tell you myself, Marian--my sister."
+
+"O, I never heard anything more delightful in my life," said Marian,
+with a sort of gasp, as soon as the overwhelming delight gave her
+breath. "O, Edmund, Edmund!"
+
+"You have not read her note yet."
+
+Marian tore it open, but there was scarcely any thing to read; it was
+only--
+
+  "Dearest Marian,--He will have a note to carry you,
+  but I can't say anything for bewilderment. I know he will
+  tell you all about it, so it is of no use my writing. Are
+  not you sorry he should have a wife so far from good enough
+  for him?
+
+  "Your affectionate and most amazed
+
+  "AGNES."
+
+Marian held it up to him, smiling. "But of course you have seen it?"
+
+"No, I have not; I suppose she thought I should not carry such
+nonsense."
+
+"Well, I am sure there is no other person in all the wide world that I
+could have thought good enough for you. Agnes! Agnes! O, Edmund, I wish
+there was any way of not being quite choked with gladness!"
+
+Edmund smiled, and perhaps he was "choked with gladness" beyond the
+power of speech; for the two cousins only proceeded to shake hands
+again. The next thing that was said was after an interval. "Marian, you
+remember our bargain six years ago? Have you grown so very fond of the
+Lyddells as to repent of it?"
+
+"O, Edmund, you have not thought of that?"
+
+"Have not we? It was one of the first things we did think of."
+
+"I don't think I can bear to hear of much more happiness," said Marian,
+in almost a crying voice. "I am so glad for you that I can't be glad for
+myself yet. I can't take it all in; it is too good to be true!"
+
+"Indeed it does seem so. But you agree? Agnes said I must make you agree
+first of all."
+
+"Don't I? Only I want to enjoy it for you,--it is so beyond everything!"
+
+"Well, wasn't I a wise man to say I would not miss the pleasure of
+telling you myself?"
+
+"Then do tell me; do let us be rational, if we can. Then you came here
+from Fern Torr?"
+
+"Yes. Did you not know that?"
+
+"No. I did not hear where you wrote from. How long were you there?"
+
+"I only went on Wednesday."
+
+"Then it was only one whole day! How much you must have had to settle!"
+
+"So much, that we settled scarcely anything."
+
+"Then you don't know when it is to be?"
+
+"No, and Mrs. Wortley talks of having time,--poor Mrs. Wortley, but I
+don't think I shall take her away far; I have some notion of looking out
+for some place close at hand."
+
+"Just what we settled long ago. But O! begin and tell me all,
+Edmund,--as much as you like to tell me, at least. I want to know how
+you first came to think of it." Then, as he smiled, she added, "I mean,
+how long you have been thinking of it."
+
+"If you mean how long with any hope, only since I knew of good aunt
+Jessie's consideration for me. How long it has been in my mind I cannot
+tell; certainly before I went to Africa. You see, Marian," he continued,
+as if he was apologising, "it was this which made me think it advisable
+for me to go, though, as I see now, it was not at all good for Gerald."
+
+"What,--you mean--I am not sure that I understand--"
+
+"Don't you see, Marian, feeling as I did, and knowing how out of
+the question it was for a penniless man like me, to think of
+marrying,--Agnes so young too, and I with everything to draw me to what
+had been my only home,--there was nothing to be done but to keep out
+of the way, to guard me against myself; and that was easier with seas
+between. I don't know whether I did right or not, but I hoped I did,
+because it cost me something; yet it was a forsaking of Gerald which
+might have done much harm, though I hope it has not, as it has turned
+out."
+
+"I see it all!" said Marian, resting there, because she had not a word
+with which to express her honour of his noble conduct.
+
+"You will forgive me now," he added, with a smile, "for what you thought
+my neglect of home."
+
+"I am only afraid I must often have given you a great deal of pain," she
+almost whispered.
+
+"Never, except when I thought it right to silence you. It was only too
+delightful to hear their very names. You might well tell me that she had
+grown prettier than ever."
+
+On talked and walked the cousins, over the downs, which had certainly
+never been trodden by happier people. At last they recollected that they
+must return, if they wished to be in time for the post, and retraced
+their steps, talking as eagerly as ever. As they were coming near the
+house, Marian said, "Does Gerald know?"
+
+"Not yet; I shall write to him to-morrow."
+
+"Is it to be a secret? Of course I should say nothing about it while you
+are here, but may I mention it afterwards?"
+
+"They said nothing about secrecy," said Edmund; "in fact I think
+attempting it, only results in making one look foolish. Yes, you are
+welcome to tell whom you please as soon as I am out of the way. I had
+rather the Lyddells know."
+
+"Very well; indeed, I don't think I can keep it to myself, it is too
+much joy."
+
+"Do you expect them to participate in your pleasure at making your
+escape from them?"
+
+"There is no one to miss me, except, perhaps, Lionel, a little, when his
+eyes are bad. Caroline would once have cared, but that is over now, poor
+thing! There never was a time when I should have been more glad to get
+away. O, Edmund, if you would do one thing to oblige me, it would be,
+to have your wedding the same day as Caroline's, that I might not be
+obliged to be at it."
+
+"At which?"
+
+"O, you know!"
+
+"Is it such a very bad affair?"
+
+"O, I am very much grieved about it. The man has no religion at all, you
+know; at least, if he has any, it is all natural religion,--anything but
+the truth."
+
+"Do you really mean that the family have accepted him, allowed this to
+go on, knowing such things of him?"
+
+"I don't know how far they see it. I don't think they allow it to
+themselves, and I don't think they would understand some of it; as, for
+instance, when I heard him talking the other day as if he assumed that
+Christianity was only a development of people's tendency to believe,--as
+fleeting as other forms of faith. It was not very broadly stated, and
+I don't think I should have seen it, if it had not chimed in with
+something I had read; and, besides, I knew what was in the man."
+
+"How do you know? Not from your own observation?"
+
+"O, no, no; I liked him at first. I could have liked him very much, if
+Lord Marchmont had not told me about him, and then I had the key to
+him."
+
+"And this poor Miss Lyddell?"
+
+"She knew what I did," said Marian, sadly. "But he is very
+agreeable,--at least he is thought so,--and they all admired him so
+much, and paid such court to him, that--Yet I did think better things of
+Caroline. Lionel is the only one who has found him out, and he thinks of
+it just as I do, O, Edmund, I am sure you would like Lionel."
+
+"How are his eyes?" asked Edmund, as they were coming under the portico,
+and could not talk of any of the more delicate subjects. "I thought
+Gerald gave a very bad account of them; indeed, I scarcely expected that
+he could have gone back to Eton."
+
+"I sometimes think," almost whispered Marian, "that it is not he, poor
+boy, whose eyes are the worst in the house; but Mrs. Lyddell's head has
+been so full of Johnny, and Caroline, and all she has to do, that she
+will not see anything amiss with Lionel."
+
+"He must be a boy of a great deal of resolution and principle, to have
+struggled on as he has clone, by Gerald's account. Ah! I meant to have
+told you about Gerald, but all our time is gone."
+
+"Never mind, we can talk of him in the evening. There is a corner of
+mine where I always get out of the way of the people, and where I
+have had many a nice talk with Walter, or Lionel, under cover of Miss
+Grimley's music. Now where do you like to write your letter? If you had
+not rather do it in your own room, there is a nice quiet place in
+the old school-room, where I write mine, when the drawing-room is
+uninhabitable."
+
+Edmund accepted the invitation, partly because he was just so shy of
+letting his own handwriting be seen in the address, that he meant to
+avail himself of Marian's cover. Just as Marian had finished a note, too
+joyous to have any sense in it, and containing a promise to write more
+sensibly to-morrow, had directed the cover, and told her cousin that
+he must wind up if he meant to catch the post, Clara opened the door,
+gazed, laughed, and was retiring in haste, when Marian, without a shade
+of the confusion Clara had hoped for, called her back. "Edmund came here
+to write a note," she said, "don't go away."
+
+Edmund made some demonstration about intruding, and wrote the
+conclusion, at which nothing but some interruption would have made him
+arrive, put it into the envelope, gave it face downwards to Marian,
+and departed. Now Mrs. Lyddell and Clara were both persuaded that Mr.
+Arundel had come for no other purpose than to propose to Marian; and
+they had been entertaining themselves during their drive with conversing
+on the subject; so that Clara was never more surprised and puzzled in
+her life than by seeing Marian stand there, smiling, and with beaming
+eyes, brighter than ever she had looked before, but without one particle
+of a blush,--white-faced as ever, only dancing first on one foot, then
+on the other, balancing her bonnet on one hand, and with the other
+holding the precious letter.
+
+"Well, Marian!"
+
+"Well!" Marian made a pirouette. "I must run and put this letter in the
+box." And so saying, away she ran down stairs, up again in a second;
+then meeting the astonished Clara at the head of the stairs, she took
+her round the waist, and fairly waltzed her to her own door, opened it,
+threw herself into a chair, exclaimed, "I beg your pardon, Clara; you'll
+think me mad, but I'll tell you all about it to-morrow."
+
+Fanny was present, so Clara could do nothing but stare; and lateness,
+and a dinner-party necessitating a hasty toilette, she retreated, while
+Marian contained her raptures as best she could, and meditated on the
+delightful life she was to lead with Agnes and Edmund, in some cottage
+on the borders of Fern Torr. O happiness, such as she had never
+known, which seemed to bring back as much of her home as could ever
+return,--which would be everything for Gerald! Every care gone, Edmund
+happy, Gerald satisfactory, her own exile at an end. Her head almost
+swain round with happiness, and she wanted to turn to the glass, to
+persuade herself that she could be the same Marian Arundel, wide awake,
+and yet so very, very happy.
+
+However, it was all future, as far as concerned herself; and that cares
+were in the world she was convinced, by her own pang at seeing Caroline,
+whom she overtook on her way down stairs. She had no disposition to
+whirl _her_ round; but there was a softened feeling, belonging perhaps
+to the fulness of her own joy, that made her, as she came up with her,
+put her arm round her, as she had now and then walked with her in former
+days. Caroline looked in her face, and drew the arm closer without
+speaking. Their faces had always been unlike, but the contrast was
+stronger than ever. Marian, with those pale, regular features, plain
+dark hair, black eyes and eyebrows, with her mourning dress, and yet
+with a radiant, irrepressible joy and buoyancy all round and about her;
+while Caroline, with her small pretty features, rosy colour, blue eyes,
+glossy curls, her pink dress and gold bracelets, was in general air very
+different, and in countenance how much more; for the eyes were restless,
+the smile came rather as if it was called, than as if it resided
+naturally on her lip,--the colour of her cheeks, though bright, looked
+fixed and feverish; and now and then, there was a quiver about the whole
+face. How different from the secure expression of happiness, now and
+then illuminated, as it were, with some sudden flash of secret joy,
+which sat on Marian's broad, serene brow.
+
+They entered the drawing-room together, and from that time Marian was
+outwardly her own stiff, distant self, till the promised time in the
+evening, when Edmund made his way to her in her corner, where he was
+greeted by a most sunny look. "Now for Gerald," said she.
+
+Edmund had a great deal to tell about Gerald. He thought him, on the
+whole, a very nice, amiable, right-minded boy, who only wanted more
+training and watching than Mr. Lyddell would or could give. He had,
+after a time, been brought to be entirely open and confiding; and this,
+for which Edmund seemed to be really grateful to him, and to admire him,
+was the great point, he had made Edmund a friend, instead of looking at
+him as a guardian,--found that he could sympathize, and had ended by
+trusting and consulting him. Marian, though wondering how the reserve
+had ever been, conquered, felt the relief of knowing that all was safe
+now, and was not hurt by his confiding in any one but herself. Edmund
+really thought it was safe. "I believe I know the worst of him now, poor
+fellow," he said, smiling, "and the worst is not much. He has been going
+on in a careless, thoughtless way, out of high spirits and imitation, a
+good deal, and the consciousness made him keep back from you; he owns
+that, and is very sorry."
+
+"Does he? dear Gerald!"
+
+"He seemed to feel deeply that he had neglected you; but he said, and
+very truly, how much there had been against him,--no one, as he said, to
+make him mind; and the fellows would have laughed at him, if they had
+found out that he attended to his sister."
+
+"Ah! Johnny sowed that mischief long ago!"
+
+"I hope it is not weakness. I do not think it is; for there was
+manliness in confessing all, and he seemed to feel the folly strongly."
+
+"Did he tell you about the debts?"
+
+"Yes, and of his own accord. They are nothing in themselves; but he has
+been allowed too much money, has had little warning, and his title was
+against him too. So if we can break off the habit of extravagance, there
+is no great harm done. After all, you know, he is very young, and
+there is plenty of time to form his character. I am sure he has good
+dispositions of every kind, and if he has but resolution, he will be
+sure to do well,"
+
+"I think there is resolution in his temper. Nothing shakes him when his
+mind is once made up."
+
+So Marian was very well satisfied on the whole about her brother, and
+she might justly be so by Edmund's account. There was nothing to disturb
+her happiness, and she only doubted whether she should be able to sleep
+for it. Her brother restored, as well as everything else!
+
+When bed-time came, Mrs. Lyddell looked at her, as if expecting
+something more to be said than "good night," but nothing came,--nothing
+but the dancing light in the eyes. Clara followed her to the room, and
+stood gazing at her. "Why, Marian," at last she said, "can't you tell me
+anything about it?"
+
+"No; not till to-morrow."
+
+"O, that is too bad, Marian, when you heard all I had to tell directly."
+
+"I can't help it; I am not at liberty to tell other people's affairs."
+
+"Don't look so grand, Marian, pray. I am sure I thought this was your
+own."
+
+"So it is in a way."
+
+"In a way? Why, Marian, what an extraordinary girl you are! not your own
+affair! Well, if you are impenetrable, I can't help it; but it is not
+kind, when we all want to congratulate you."
+
+"Stop, stop, Clara!" exclaimed Marian, and now she did blush, "will you
+be satisfied if I tell you that it is not what you suppose? You shall
+hear what it is to-morrow, and then you will see what nonsense you have
+been talking."
+
+"What?" cried Clara, "you are not--"
+
+"Don't say it, pray don't! Never was any one further from it. Now do
+go to bed, Clara, for I cannot tell you a word more, and keep your
+curiosity at rest for to-night."
+
+Marian took care not to be caught alone by Clara before breakfast the
+next morning, and almost immediately after breakfast, Edmund departed.
+Marian had been out into the hall with him to exchange some last words,
+and Mrs. Lyddell, meantime, was observing to Caroline that she never
+knew anything so strange; she thought it was due to herself, however
+unpleasant it might be, to claim some confidence from Miss Arundel, on
+such matters, while living under her care. Marian came back, however,
+with her innocent look of delight,--a look so unlike the bashfulness of
+a damsel in love, that Mrs. Lyddell felt again doubtful; and before she
+could speak, Marian had turned to Clara and said, "Now I will tell you
+what makes me so happy. Edmund and Agnes Wortley are engaged, and I am
+to go and live with them."
+
+"Miss Wortley!" at once exclaimed Mrs. Lyddell and her daughters, in the
+extremity of surprise; and then Mrs. Lyddell and Clara asked all the
+usual questions in haste and eagerness, wondering within themselves most
+of all at Marian's full rejoicing, for till now they had never been
+able to see that Edmund was really to her only like an elder brother.
+Caroline scarcely spoke, only went on nervously with her work. At last,
+when some interruption had caused her mother and Clara to leave the
+room, she laid it down, looked at Marian for a moment or two, then said,
+in a trembling voice, "Dear Marian, I am glad you are so happy! I am
+glad you are to live with them!" then kissed her, and hastened away
+before she could answer or return the caress. Her handkerchief was
+raised as she closed the door. Marian sat and grieved, for well did she
+know all poor Caroline conveyed by that "I am glad you are to live with
+them." It meant that Caroline felt that she had given up the esteem and
+friendship in which they had lived,--that she thought her own home unfit
+for one brought from such a sphere as Fern Torr,--that she resigned all
+those plans for Clara's good, everything that had been valued between
+them,--that she looked not for happiness for herself, and though she
+had forfeited such affection as once had been hers, yet she still loved
+Marian. How could Marian rejoice so much, when such a fate was waiting
+for Caroline? Poor Caroline! she contrasted her feelings with those of
+Agnes, grieved again over her, and ended by blaming herself for all the
+coldness and severity of the last six weeks, requited as it was by so
+much kind, fond affection.
+
+Yet Caroline was weakly, wilfully doing wrong. How should she behave
+rightly towards her? O, why would nothing happen to save her, and break
+off this mockery of a marriage? But as of this there seemed little
+hope,--as the Faulkners were at Oakworthy more than ever, and Mrs.
+Lyddell was talking in good earnest of wedding clothes, and bridesmaids,
+it was a comfort to have these better hopes to occupy herself with.
+
+Especially did she enjoy the idea of Gerald's rejoicing, and it was very
+eagerly that she watched for his first letter of delight. It came as
+soon as heart could wish; but so mixed are joy and grief in this world,
+that even Gerald's letter could not convey unalloyed pleasure, but
+filled her with a fresh anxiety,--or more properly, strengthened and
+realized what had hitherto been but a vague terror.
+
+  "Eton, Sept. 14th.
+
+  "My dear Marian,--Never was anything better in this
+  world than Edmund's plans. I give him infinite credit for
+  them; and, as head of the family, he has my full consent.
+  I wish they would go and live at the Manor House
+  till I am of age,--that would be jolly! Lionel desires me
+  to tell you that it is all very well, except your going from
+  Oakworthy, and he shall go about the house like a mad
+  fury," (here followed his portrait in the character,) "if you
+  go before he is off after the blue wild beestes at the Cape.
+  His eyes are very bad, and I wish you would tell Mrs.
+  Lyddell about them; for I don't believe it is a bit of use
+  his staying here, and though I am very glad to help him,
+  doing all his work and my own too is more than I can stand.
+  It is much worse than last half; then he could see to read,
+  though it hurt him; now Greek or small print beats him entirely,
+  and he cannot look out a word in the Lexicon. He
+  does just manage to write, and he never forgets anything;
+  so another fellow and I have dragged him through, this
+  week. But it cannot go on so; and as he won't give up or
+  complain, I will have something done about it, or he will
+  blind himself outright before he has done. I cannot think
+  how it is my tutor has not found it out, but I suppose it is
+  that Lionel is so sharp, and has such a memory. Do speak
+  to Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+  "Your affectionate brother,
+
+  "E. GERALD ARUNDEL"
+
+Marian carried the letter at once to Mrs. Lyddell's dressing-room, but
+she found that Gerald had been mistaken in supposing the tutor had not
+observed Lionel's failing sight: for the same post had brought a letter
+from him, which had at length completely alarmed Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell,
+and the former was going at once to write to his son to meet him in
+London, where he intended to consult one of the first oculists.
+
+This was a great relief. Mr. Lyddell set off, and the party at home
+comforted themselves with predictions that all would soon be remedied;
+Marian and Clara agreeing that it would be very pleasant to have Lionel
+at home to walk with them, and to be nursed.
+
+Mr. Lyddell had been gone about two days; Caroline and Clara were at
+High Down, and Marian was returning from a solitary ramble in the park,
+enjoying her last letter from Agnes, when, as she crossed the lawn, she
+was startled by finding Lionel stretched on his face on the grass, just
+at the turn where some bushes concealed him from the windows. He lay
+flat, without his hat, his forehead resting on one arm; while with his
+hand he tore up daisies and grass, and threw them hastily over his
+shoulder, while his whole frame quivered in a convulsive agony of
+distress.
+
+"Lionel! Lionel! you come home? What is the matter?" exclaimed she.
+
+"Matter! matter enough, I think," said, or rather muttered Lionel;
+"There is an end of the Cape, or anything else."
+
+"How are your eyes?" asked Marian, in consternation.
+
+"Only I am blind for life!" answered Lionel; still hiding his face, and
+speaking in a sullen, defiant tone.
+
+Marian, dreadfully shocked, almost beyond all power of speaking or
+moving, could only drop down sitting on the grass beside him, and take
+his hand.
+
+"All neglect, too," he added; then vehemently, "I don't believe, no I
+don't, there is any pauper's son in the parish that would have been so
+used!"
+
+Her voice was low with fright: "But, Lionel, what has happened? Let me
+see you. Is it worse? can't you see?"
+
+"O yes, I can see now, after a fashion, at least, but that is soon to
+go, they say, and then--They have done it themselves, and they may have
+that satisfaction!" added he, with a fearful bitterness in his tone.
+"Elections, and parliament, and dinners, and that Faulkner,--that is
+what they have given my sight for." He withdrew his hand, and turned his
+shoulder from Marian, as if resolute not to be comforted; and again he
+shook with agony.
+
+"O, don't say such dreadful things, dear Lionel! O, if I could but do
+anything for you!" she cried, in a tone of heartfelt grief, which seemed
+to soften the poor boy a little; for he twisted round, so that his face,
+still pillowed on one arm, was half raised to her, and she could see
+how flushed it was, and that the eyelids were inflamed, though not
+with tears, and the eyes themselves had not altered from their former
+appearance.
+
+"'Tis not your fault," he said. "If my mother had cared for me one
+quarter--"
+
+"Don't blame anybody, pray!" interrupted Marian: "it only makes it
+worse. Only tell me all about it. Did the occulist say--"
+
+"Not to me," answered Lionel; "not the worst, at least. He examined my
+eyes very closely, and asked me all manner of questions about what I
+could see, and what I could not, and what things hurt them, and how long
+it had been going on, and how I had been using them. Then he told me
+that it was impossible for him to do anything for them as yet, till the
+disease had made more progress; that most likely I should quite lose my
+sight this winter, and then I must come to him again. So that was bad
+enough, but I could have made up my mind to that, and they sent me away.
+Then it seems that, after I was gone, he went on about it to papa, and
+told him that the mischief had been brewing time out of mind, and some
+time ago it might have been stopped; but all that straining of my eyes
+at Eton, last half, had done immense harm, and confirmed the disease;
+and it is of a kind that--that--there is no cure for!" He buried his
+face again.
+
+"Did Mr. Lyddell tell you this?"
+
+"No, he only told me we were to go home directly, and wrote to Gerald to
+send my things from Eton. He hardly spoke a word all the way,--only led
+me about, and poked me in and out of the carriage, as if I was
+blind already; it put me almost in a rage. Then as soon as we came
+home,--about half an hour ago, I should think,--he told it all straight
+out to my mother, did not mince matters, I assure you: indeed, I believe
+they both forgot I was there. They are apt to forget me, you know. He
+regularly stormed about the neglect, and told her it was all her fault;
+and while this was going on, I found I had heard the worst, and I did
+not want to be pitied, so I came out here. And so there is the whole
+story for you, Marian, and a pretty one it is! A fine sort of life I
+shall have instead--"
+
+"Well but, Lionel," cried Marian, eagerly, "are you sure that be said
+_for certain_ that it was hopeless? for it seems so odd that he should
+have told you one thing, and Mr. Lyddell another."
+
+"Pshaw! I suppose he had got some consideration, and did not want to
+knock me down with the worst at once."
+
+"I should think it was more comfortable to know the worst at once!" said
+Marian, meditatively, "so as to be able to settle one's mind to it."
+
+"A pretty thing to settle one's mind to," said Lionel, "to know I must
+be a good-for-nothing, dependent wretch all my days! As well be a woman,
+or an idiot at once! There, I shall never see that tree green again; no,
+and spring--I have seen my last of that! and I may look my last at all
+your faces. Johnny I shall never see again."
+
+Ho was crying bitterly now,--almost choking with tears; and Marian's
+were flowing too. She was much distressed at the present moment; for
+though the weeping was likely to relieve him, she feared it might be
+doing harm to his eyes, and she did not know in the least whether it
+ought to be checked, or, indeed, how to check it. Grieved and in great
+consternation she was, in truth, for she was very fond of Lionel,
+and full of such strong sympathy and compassion, as to be perfectly
+incapable of expressing it, in the slightest degree. But he knew her;
+she had been the only person who had ever been uneasy about his
+sight, and this went for a great deal with him: so that, with all her
+undemonstrativeness, there was no one whom he could have liked so well
+to have near him in that moment of dire despair. "O, I am so sorry!"
+expressed infinitely more than the simple words.
+
+"You see, Marian," said he, raising himself, and struggling with the
+sobs of which he was ashamed, "I could bear it better if I had not had
+such a scheme for my life, and my father consenting too. Australia, and
+those wild cattle, and that glorious Bush life, always galloping in the
+plains; and now to be condemned to be moping about here, for ever, in
+darkness and helplessness. O, to think of the plans we have made, all
+come to an end for ever!" and again he was weeping violently.
+
+"They might have been stopped otherwise," said Marian, catching at any
+possible idea that might answer, or seem to console him; "you know you
+might have been ill, or met with an accident, and had a great deal to
+suffer."
+
+"I would suffer anything rather than lose my eyesight! You don't know
+what you are talking of."
+
+"Then just suppose this complaint had come on, in some lonely place out
+in the wilds, with no one to take care of you."
+
+"It would not, I should have had no Greek to put my eyes out."
+
+"And after all, dear Lionel, you know----;" there she was choked--"you
+know that--" and she was choked again--"you know where it comes from."
+
+"I know what you mean," he said; "and if it did--But it is my mother's
+neglect; there is the bitterness of it. Why, you and my father tried to
+stir her up to it in the spring, and she would not; and then, when for
+very shame she must attend, what does she do but let me go muddling on
+with that old woman Wells! She has regularly thrown my sight away, as
+much as if she had pulled my eyes out and thrown them over the hedge."
+
+"No one could ever have guessed--"
+
+"I tell you she might have guessed. Any other mother in the world would
+have been frightened years ago, long before I went to school. If it had
+been Elliot or Johnny, wouldn't she have had half the doctors in London?
+but what did she ever trouble her head about _me?_"
+
+"Now, Lionel, that must not be said. You know it is wrong, and I am sure
+you will see how sorry she is, and how it was really not having time."
+
+"I dare say she is sorry--I should hope so--now it is too late, and she
+has done it."
+
+"But why will you accuse any one?" said Marian, sorely perplexed, and
+secretly sharing all his indignation against Mrs. Lyddell. "You know it
+only embitters you and makes it all worse; and after all, even if man
+had actually done the mischief, it still would ultimately be sent from
+Heaven."
+
+"I don't see that that makes it any better," murmured Lionel.
+
+"O don't you, Lionel?" said she earnestly; "doesn't it make you sure it
+is for the best?"
+
+"I don't know what I have done to be so punished," went on Lionel to
+himself; "I have not always been good, but I have tried, and more
+lately, to do right; there are many much less steady than I, who--"
+
+"Yes, yes, Lionel, but perhaps it is not as good for them to be
+prosperous. Indeed, indeed I am quite sure, though I don't understand it
+all, or see the way, that if you will but bear it rightly, you will be
+glad, if not before, yet at least when you die, even of this terrible
+affliction."
+
+"I almost wish I was dying now!" said Lionel gloomily, "if I could but
+die the last day that I am to see the sky and everything, instead of
+droning on in the dark, a burthen to myself and every one else, for
+I don't know how long, forty, fifty, sixty years perhaps. You know,
+Marian, I am only sixteen--"
+
+There was a burst of tears again, and Marian felt herself an
+unsuccessful comforter, nor did she wonder at it, for she could not
+fancy that anything could relieve the sense of such a misfortune as poor
+Lionel's, except the really high source of consolation, and that as yet
+only by faith, which might make him take it on trust as the best in the
+end, though for the present he must feel all the misery. She had no time
+to answer him again, for the garden door opened, and at the sound he
+dashed away his tears, sprang to his feet, and assumed a firm, cold,
+would-be indifferent look, as Mrs. Lyddell came out and advanced towards
+them. Marian thought her looking flushed and agitated, and her voice
+certainly betrayed more emotion than had ever been shown in it, except
+when bidding Johnny farewell.
+
+"Lionel, my dear, sitting on the damp grass? You will certainly catch
+cold! I have been searching for you everywhere, but I am glad you were
+with Marian. I wanted to ask you, my dear, whether you would like to
+have your own room or Walter's," added she, wandering on as if anxious
+to say what was kindest, yet dreading to come to the subject nearest
+their hearts.
+
+"My own, thank you," bluntly answered Lionel, "I'll and unpack." He
+brushed hastily by her, and ran into the house up stairs, his roughness
+contrasting with her affectionate tone. She looked at Marian, and saw
+the trace of tears on her eyelids, and her own lip quivered while her
+eyes filled, and she said in a trembling voice, "Poor dear boy! has he
+been telling you? Does he know it all?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, anxiously, "but is it really so very bad? Is there
+no hope?"
+
+"No hope? Who said so?" exclaimed Mrs. Lyddell quickly.
+
+"He did," said Marian; "he said Mr. Lyddell told you so."
+
+"Was he there?" exclaimed she: "Ah! that was Mr. Lyddell's strong way of
+putting things! So unfortunate--forgetting all about him. Poor fellow! I
+must go to him directly, and tell him it was no such thing."
+
+"What? how? O do tell me!" cried Marian, turning and hurrying with her,
+and speaking with, such earnestness that Mrs. Lyddell could not doubt of
+her sympathy now. She slackened her pace, and explained that what the
+surgeon, had said was, that there was confirmed disease, and of a very
+serious character, but the precise nature could not be ascertained till
+it had made greater progress, and it was then possible that it might
+prove capable of removal.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was resolved that neither herself nor any one else should
+believe anything but what was most hopeful. She could not have borne
+it otherwise. She really was far from being indifferent to any of her
+children, though multiplicity of occupation, and thoughts, engaged on
+what she considered the welfare of the family, had prevented her
+from being properly attentive to all, and she was so accustomed to
+uninterrupted prosperity, as to have almost forgotten that there was
+such a thing as anxiety or misfortune. Lionel, neither the eldest nor
+the youngest, healthy, and independent, neither remarkable for beauty
+nor grace, just unruly enough to be provoking, and just steady enough to
+be no cause of anxiety, had been as much a cipher in the family as a One
+lively boy could be; but though slow to be roused into anxiety, she felt
+it with full force when it came, all the motherly affection, which while
+secure had appeared dormant, revived, she was dreadfully shocked, and
+would have been utterly overwhelmed by the accusation of neglect, had it
+not been for her sanguine spirit. In this temper she represented all to
+Marian in the most cheering light, and hastened up stairs to do the same
+to Lionel. Marian, relieved and hopeful, was waiting to collect some
+properties of hers, to carry to her room, when she met Mr. Lyddell. She
+went up to greet him, and thinking that he looked very mournful, there
+was more cordiality and fellow-feeling in her way of addressing him than
+ever there had been before, though she simply said "Good morning" and
+shook hands.
+
+"You have heard about it, Marian?" said he. "Has he been with you, poor
+fellow?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, "he is in his own room now."
+
+"Ah! you spoke long ago," said Mr. Lyddell; "I wish we had attended to
+you."
+
+"It was Edmund who remarked it," said she.
+
+"Ay, ay, and senseless it was not to attend. Then it seems that
+something might have been done, at any rate he would not have gone on
+injuring them with his work at Eton, but now it is as good as a lost
+case. Poor fellow!"
+
+"O!" exclaimed Marian, thrown back again, "I thought there was a hope
+that it might not prove to be the worst."
+
+"There is just a shade of chance that it may turn out otherwise, and
+that, your mother--Mrs. Lyddell I mean--takes hold of, but I have not
+the slightest hope. The surgeon said, it had all the appearance of a
+confirmed case, such as cannot be removed."
+
+Marian stood aghast, and Mr. Lyddell, with a sort of groan, most painful
+to hear, passed her, and shut himself into his study. The only thing she
+could think of doing, was to pour out her dismay and compassion in a
+letter to Gerald, and she repaired to the schoolroom for the purpose of
+writing, but she had not been there long, before Lionel came in, and sat
+down astride on the music-stool, just as he used to do, but with a very
+different expression of countenance from the wild, reckless spirit of
+merriment which used to possess him. He sat and meditated for a little
+while, then exclaimed, "Marian, whom have you seen since I left you?"
+
+"Nobody but Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell."
+
+"Did you hear papa say anything about it?"
+
+"Yes, a little."
+
+"Did he say what the doctor thought of it?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Tell me the very words," and he leant his elbows on the table, looking
+at her fixedly.
+
+"Ah! Lionel, can you bear it? They are so very sad."
+
+"Tell me them, I say."
+
+Marian looked down, as if she could not bear to meet his countenance,
+and faltered as she repeated them.
+
+"Ay!" said Lionel, springing up, and flinging himself round
+passionately, "I knew it was humbug all the time!"
+
+"What? How? O Lionel, what have I done?"
+
+"As if I was a fool or a baby, to be fed with false hopes," proceeded
+Lionel, sitting down, and hiding his face on his crossed arms on the
+table; "she might have let that alone, she has done me mischief enough
+already."
+
+"Lionel," said Marian, firmly and gravely, for she was really shocked at
+his tone, "you must not come to me, if it is to speak in such a manner
+of your mother."
+
+"Very well," said Lionel coldly, rising up to leave the room, then
+pausing just as his hand was on the door, "I thought _you_ did feel for
+me, Marian."
+
+"O Lionel, dear Lionel," and she sprang to him, to lead him back to his
+seat, but he still retained his hold of the lock and would not move;
+"you know"--her tears were flowing--"you know how I grieve for you; but
+if you are in trouble, that ought not to make you do wrong," He was
+turning the lock, and hardened his face, but Marian went on, "Don't go,
+Lionel, only hear me. Mrs. Lyddell is very unhappy about you, and I am
+sure you must see yourself, that if she blames herself for any want of
+care, her only comfort must be in hoping for the best, making the most
+of this little ray."
+
+"Then _you_ think there is a ray!" interrupted Lionel.
+
+"So far as that nothing is certain, but I am afraid it is so slight,
+that you had much better not trust to it, but settle your mind to bear
+whatever may come."
+
+"Very easy talking! If you had but to do it!" cried Lionel, impetuously
+wrenching the door open in spite of her gentle resistance, and running
+off determinately, leaving her, poor girl, in great despair, at having
+so completely failed either in comforting, softening, or bringing him to
+any kind of resigned feeling, having besides vexed him, made him think
+her unkind; and though this was unintentional, and might be better for
+him, just contradicted what his mother wished him to believe.
+
+Her distress was too great even for writing to Gerald, and she walked
+up and down, thinking what to do, longing to find him some better
+comforter, and offering up many a prayer for him, till at last she heard
+Caroline and Clara come home, and remembering that happen what might,
+she must dress for dinner, up she went, heavily and sorrowfully.
+
+As soon as she was dressed, she went to Clara's room, feeling that this
+would be but kind. Clara was not there, and she hesitated whether to go
+on to Caroline's, once her frequent resort. At that instant, however,
+both sisters came up together, and hastened to her. "O Marian Marian!"
+exclaimed Clara.
+
+"You know all about it, I suppose," said Caroline.
+
+"Yea, indeed I do."
+
+"Come in here," said Caroline opening her door; "I want to know about
+him, poor fellow, and how he bears it. Have you seen anything of him?"
+
+Marian told all she could, without betraying what was confidential, and
+did her best to soften Lionel's conduct, by which his sisters evidently
+had been disappointed, saying that he had scarcely chosen to speak
+to them. Marian explained what was on her mind, how she had, without
+intending it, flatly contradicted Mrs. Lyddell's cheering assurances,
+regretting it much, as injustice towards Mrs. Lyddell, but of this,
+Caroline thought little.
+
+"Mamma is always sanguine," she said, "and it was only her colouring
+that made Lionel think her account hopeful. It must be better for him,
+poor fellow, to know the truth, than to have his mind unsettled with
+vain hopes. O dear! O dear! how sad it is, and at his age too! It breaks
+one's heart to think of it."
+
+All coldness and distance had left Caroline's manner in speaking to
+Marian, and this was a great comfort, in the midst of their troubles.
+
+A very uncomfortable time it was, which thus commenced. Lionel was a
+good boy on the whole, with right principles, and some seriousness of
+mind, but he was far too undisciplined to meet patiently such a trial
+as this. He had pride, and a high spirit, and this made him assume a
+bearing, which was a good deal admired in the family, trying to carry
+it off with a high hand, never openly uttering a word of complaint, and
+seeming as if he would rather die than directly express the miserable
+despairing feelings within, though, poor boy, he little knew how
+evidently they showed themselves in his gloomy silence, his outbreaks of
+temper, and his almost desperate, defiant spirit of independence.
+
+His father and mother, not understanding him in the least, managed, in
+the revulsion of feeling which made him now the first object in the
+family, to try his temper perpetually. He had in former times, missed
+their demonstrations of affection, though healthy, high-spirited, and by
+no means sentimental, the craving had been only occasional, he had done
+very well without them, and had gained habits of freedom incompatible
+with being petted. He had never been used to be interfered with, and
+could not understand it at all; and that remembrance of past neglect
+embittered all his feelings.
+
+Mr. Lyddell had just found out, as Marian had thought long ago, that
+Lionel was the flower of his flock, the one of his sons, who alone
+united spirit and steadiness, for the emigration scheme had shown a
+degree of sense, enterprise, and consideration which had at the time
+pleased and surprised him, and now added much to his sense of the
+promise lost. He laid all the blame of the neglect on his wife, but he
+did not lament it the less keenly. His extreme kindness and solicitude
+for the boy, were, to those who compared them with his general
+character, quite affecting, but unluckily they displayed themselves is a
+way which harassed Lionel very much, for he treated him as if he fancied
+him completely blind already, cautioned him, guided him, and looked
+anxious, if he did but walk across the garden alone; whilst Lionel,
+who could see quite well enough for all ordinary purposes, was teased,
+reminded of his troubles, and vexed above measure by having notice
+attracted to his defect of sight.
+
+In the main, however, he owned that his father was kind, and sorry for
+him, though each particular instance annoyed him; but it was much worse
+with his mother, for her petting was more minute, more constant, and
+such as would have been worrying to any boy in full health, even if it
+had not, as in poor Lionel's case, been connected with the dark future,
+and with a past, which had sadly soured him against her. He was always
+rough and morose with her, rebelling against her care, never wakening
+into affection, or showing pleasure in what she proposed, though she
+continued to press on him her attention, with uunwearied assiduity.
+
+His sisters were treated much in the same manner; Clara made him cross
+with over care, and Caroline, though showing better judgment, and much
+real tact and affection, was also kept at a distance, and often harshly
+answered. Marian too, was quite sufficiently like a sister to come
+in for many an unreasonable fit of rudeness, and temper when it was
+perfectly impossible to find any means of pleasing him.
+
+Indeed such unoccupied days as his were in themselves a trial of good
+humour. Idleness was very pleasant in the holidays, but his was too
+active a spirit to bear it for long together, especially when it left
+room for such anticipations as those for which his hopes of a Bush life
+were exchanged, Yet he treated offers of reading to him as insults, and
+far less would he endure to learn any occupation that might serve him
+when his sight should be quite gone; he professed to hate music, and
+lounged about disconsolately in the house or garden. Now and then, if
+he found the young ladies reading on their own account, he would be
+beguiled into listening and being amused, and their ingenuity was often
+exercised in appearing to be doing it naturally, and he sometimes took
+part in conversation, and thus had his attention withdrawn from his
+misfortune; but it was not often that his moodiness of manner could be
+charmed away, unless strangers were present, when he thought it a point
+of honour to seem at his ease and merry.
+
+After luncheon, he liked best to ride, but against this, Mr. and Mrs.
+Lyddell set their faces, persuaded that it must be very dangerous. This,
+Lionel thought the height of unkindness; he could ride just as safely
+as in the holidays; and it was too cruel to make him give up the one
+pleasure he best liked, while he was still able to enjoy it, and though
+not sufficiently familiar with them to attempt any remonstrance, he
+became doubly discontented and sullen. He would not walk with the girls,
+but wandered far away over the downs by himself, often not coming back
+till very late, and till both his parents had been in some alarm. At
+last, after about a week, Marian ventured to expostulate; she prevailed,
+and he was allowed to resume his rides, under a restriction that it must
+never be alone. Now, taking a servant with him was an avowal of his
+misfortune which he never would endure; so Marian, who never in her life
+was afraid of what any horse could do, became his companion, and rode
+out with him a good deal, feeling him indeed a charge, but not nearly so
+heavy a one as her cousins fancied.
+
+Still, though not afraid of accidents to him or to herself, these rides
+were almost a subject of dread to Marian, daily as was their occurrence,
+for it was then that poor Lionel made up for the reserve he exercised
+with all the rest. If she could have done him any good, it would have
+been a different thing, but surely, the world did not contain, as she
+thought, a worse comforter than herself; for day after day, answer
+as she would, came the same sad strain of regrets, and laments over
+vanished plans, repelling every attempt at leading him to resignation,
+and only varied by the different moods in which he would sometimes look
+on his case as hopeless, and sometimes be angry with her for assuming
+that it was so. Still worse were the complaints of his parents, in
+which he would indulge after each fresh provocation, or rather, what he
+thought so, though she never gave him the least encouragement to talk
+in this manner, argued for them, and often blamed him; yet do what she
+would, he never was convinced. The same battle on some other ground was
+sure to recur, often the next day, and Marian, right as she knew she
+was, never felt as if she had the victory; for five times out of six, it
+was in a surly, impatient manner that he turned away from her, as they
+dismounted. She often wondered whether she ought to let him go on thus,
+whether it was right in her, if it did him harm, by confirming all his
+unpleasant feelings, or whether it might not be worse for him to let
+them rankle in his heart instead of pouring them out. It seemed too
+unkind to silence him, when he fancied such talk a comfort, and she was
+the only person in his confidence, yet what was right? what was good for
+him? Her head ached with the self debate; she felt positively worn and
+depressed, with the continued useless, harassing conversations; she knew
+he was beyond her management, yet, with all her doubts, she was too
+tender-hearted to vex him; she let him go on and only combated each
+point, instead of refusing to listen.
+
+Why would not Walter come home, the only true comforter Lionel was
+likely to find, whom he really respected and loved? Walter was by this
+time ordained, yet he did not propose coming home; indeed Marian had
+not even heard whether he had written, and she was inclined to think he
+could not have been informed of the state of things at home.
+
+At length, when Lionel had been at home nearly a month, there came one
+morning a letter directed to him. His mother and Clara both offered to
+read it for him, but he gruffly refused, glanced it over, and put it in
+his pocket. He loitered through the morning, and rode with Marian in the
+afternoon. As they happened to meet with some entertaining subject of
+conversation, the ride was more cheerful than usual, and she hoped she
+had escaped the ordinary discussion; but when he helped her to dismount
+under the portico, he said, "Don't go in just yet. Come and take a turn
+in the plantations."
+
+Her heart sank at the task that was coming, but she would not disappoint
+him, and gathering up her habit, she followed his quick steps. As soon
+as they were out of sight of the house, he produced the letter, saying,
+"Here, read me this."
+
+"O! I was in hopes that you could."
+
+"I thought I could at first, but it was only 'my dear Lionel,' that I
+could read. It was all haze after that. There is a step In these three
+weeks," he added in a voice meant to be manly and careless. "Come, let
+us hear. 'Tis from Walter, is not it?"
+
+The letter had been written on first receiving intelligence of Lionel's
+condition, which had been communicated by his father when he had to
+write about something else. Marian, as she read, rejoiced in the letter,
+it was so exactly what she wanted to have said, and yet never could
+venture on, about regarding the affliction as a cross, and bending to
+bear it patiently. She had often felt that here was the best relief, but
+she had never dared to set it openly before Lionel, fearing that her
+awkwardness, and his waywardness, might lead to his saying something
+scornful, which would be worse than all. Here it was put before him in
+just the right way, and one to which he must attend, and she watched
+eagerly for some token of the way in which he took it.
+
+He made no remark, however, seeming to hear it as a matter of course
+that Walter would say something of the kind. After asking if she was
+certain she had read all, and pointing to a few crossed lines at the
+head of the first page, to make sure that she had not missed them, he
+only said, "Then there is not a word about coming. Well, I do think he
+might come when he knows that after this time I shall never be able to
+see him."
+
+"I don't suppose he thinks of that," said Marian--"I mean perhaps
+he would not think of your caring for the mere _sight_ of him as a
+pleasure."
+
+"He does not know then," said Lionel, "I am trying to learn all your
+faces, and I don't think I shall forget them."
+
+"I am sure if he guessed you wished for him he would come that instant."
+
+"I am not going to ask him," said Lionel proudly.
+
+"What, I really think, is the reason of his stayin away," said Marian,
+hesitating, "is about Mr. Faulkner. I think more especially now he is a
+Clergyman, he will not have anything to do with him."
+
+"Ay, ay," said Lionel, "that is a reason good for something. I only
+should like to do the same, except that if I was Walter I would have
+done more long ago, instead of just keeping out of the way, and told
+Caroline it was a regular shame, and she ought not to be taken in with
+his fine speeches, and balls, and stuff."
+
+"I don't know--" said Marian.
+
+"What don't you know?"
+
+"How far even Walter would be authorised to interfere about what Mr. and
+Mrs. Lyddell approve."
+
+"Don't talk nonsense, Marian. If a thing is right, it is right, if it is
+wrong, it's wrong, and all the world ought to try to prevent it. I know
+I would, if anybody would mind me, for it makes me sick to see that man
+come into the room, and the fuss mamma makes with him. I think he grows
+worse. I declare I'd as soon see her marry Julian the Apostate! I am so
+glad he is gone to those races. I should like to ask Caroline what sort
+of happiness she expects with a man that talks of the Bible as if it was
+no better than the Iliad! I only wish he would talk so to her, perhaps
+that would shock her."
+
+"I don't think she is very happy," said Marian.
+
+"I am sure she ought not to be," was the answer.
+
+"The more talk there has been of fixing the day the more unhappy she has
+looked," said Marian. "You know she has begged the Faulkners to let it
+be put off a little longer, because she could not bear that it should be
+while you are in this doubtful state."
+
+"I did not know it," said Lionel, "and much good does it do me! A nice
+life I shall have with no one but Clara to speak to! And when is your
+marriage, Marian? Mr. Arundel's, I mean, for that is as bad."
+
+"O that will not be till next summer," said Marian: "Mrs. Wortley wishes
+Agnes to be twenty-one first, and Edmund has to build a house."
+
+And Marian was ready to forgive them for the delay when she saw how
+glad it made Lionel look. Yes, rejoiced as she must be to escape from
+Oakworthy, she could not go without a chequered feeling. If she was
+adroit at managing people, she would make Clara take the place she held
+now with Lionel, which would be good for both, but she was far too
+clumsy to bring that about; and O! what a refuge Fern Torr would be
+after all this harassing life! It would be better for Lionel not to have
+her to divert his confidence from his own family, and at any rate she
+should be there to help him through this sad autumn of uncertainty. Then
+would come the peace, rest, and guidance she had longed for all her
+life, in her own home, and that hope might well cheer her through life.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+  "The brass, by long attrition tried,
+  Placed by the purer metal's side,
+  Displays at length a dingy hue,
+  That proves its former claim untrue;
+  So time's discerning hand hath art
+  To set the good and ill apart."
+
+
+Lionel's affliction had certainly tended to lessen the gulf which the
+engagement with Mr. Faulkner had made between Caroline and Marian.
+Caroline was very anxious about her brother, and knowing that Marian had
+his confidence, was continually coming to her for reports of his state
+of mind and spirits, and with despairing questions as to what was likely
+to please him,--questions which Marian was quite unqualified to answer,
+and which were curious, since she had no tact, and Caroline had a great
+deal.
+
+Thus it came to pass, that nightly sittings by each other's bed-room
+fire were renewed, and long consultations took place, always at first
+about Lionel, but sometimes branching to things in general, even as in
+the olden time. Caroline was, however, very unlike what she had been a
+year ago, when as Marian full well remembered, they had first talked of
+Mr. Faulkner's visit. She was gayer in public, but her spirits were very
+low when alone with Marian; and now and then the conversation flagged,
+till she sat for full half an hour, her head on her hand, without a
+word. At first she would try to excuse such a reverie, by calling
+herself very tired; but as days went on, and it recurred, she smiled
+as she woke from it, and told Marian "it was such repose to be with a
+person who would let her be silent."
+
+There was much confidence in such silence. Marian began to grow even
+more sorry for her than at first, because it was impossible to continue
+to be angry; and tried in every way to show her kindness, becoming,
+unconsciously, much more demonstrative in affection than ever she had
+been before. On the day on which Lionel received the letter mentioned
+at the end of the last chapter, Caroline came into Marian's room at
+dressing-time; and after lingering about a little, she said, "Could
+Lionel read that letter to day?"
+
+Marian shook her head sadly.
+
+"He brought it to you, then?" sighed Caroline, "Ah! I saw who it came
+from."
+
+She looked wistfully at Marian, as if longing to hear something of the
+letter, though she would not ask; and Marian, though much touched, was
+determined against saying one word about it, however indifferent, as
+she felt that, without Lionel's consent, she ought to be as mute as the
+paper it was written upon. Caroline paused, then continued, "Do you
+think he will ask you to write his answer for him?"
+
+"No, I think not. You know he wrote a note to Gerald in one of my
+letters the other day. I dare say he will always be able to write; Mrs.
+Wortley has a blind friend who does."
+
+Caroline did not answer, but gazed at the fire for almost ten minutes.
+At last she said, "Poor Walter! I wonder what he is doing."
+
+"I am sure he must be making himself very useful," said Marian.
+
+"That is one thing we may be sure of," said Caroline, smiling
+mournfully. "Walter is excellent wherever he is; but O, Marian,"
+continued she, in a voice of inexpressible sadness, "who would have told
+me, a year ago, that all I should hear of Walter's ordination would be
+in the newspaper?"
+
+Marian could make no answer but some sound expressive of sorrow.
+
+"He has only written to me once since--since June!" proceeded Caroline,
+in the same utterly dejected tone.
+
+Then Walter had remonstrated, which was a great comfort to Marian, by
+restoring him to his place in her estimation. Still she maintained her
+expressive silence, and Caroline went on after another interval. "You
+and he have been consistent from the first, Marian."
+
+At that moment Fanny came in, and no more could be said, for Marian
+was obliged to dress for dinner in a hurry. She took an opportunity of
+saying to Lionel that evening, something about the pleasure it would
+give Caroline if he would tell her about his letter.
+
+"What! you have been telling her about it?" said he, in a tone of great
+vexation; "that is always the way with women--no trusting them!"
+
+"No, indeed, Lionel, I said not one word; but she saw it was Walter's
+writing."
+
+"And you went and told her I could not read it?"
+
+"If she asked me, what could I do but speak the truth?" said Marian
+gently; but he only made an impatient exclamation.
+
+"I gave not the least hint of what it was about," added Marian,
+pleadingly. "Of course I could not think of that, nor she either; but
+she looked as if she did so long for some news of Walter: she has not
+heard from him since the summer."
+
+"That is her own fault," said Lionel, in his surly voice.
+
+"That only makes it the worse for her. She is so much out of spirits,
+Lionel; and if you would only tell her that part about his schools and
+his lodging, I am sure she would be so much obliged to you."
+
+"I shan't do any such thing," was his reply; "I always keep my letters
+to myself, and I wish you would not talk about me."
+
+He turned sharply away, and crossed the room; but his temper was not
+improved by the consequences of his stumbling over a footstool which had
+been left full in the way, and in rather a dark place, where it would
+have been a trap for any one. He recovered in an instant without
+falling; so that it would not have signified if Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell
+had not both been startled. The former issued an edict that no
+stumbling-block should be left in the way, and the latter entered upon
+an investigation as to who had been the delinquent in the present case,
+so as to make a great deal of discussion of the very worst kind for
+Lionel.
+
+Thenceforth the evening was uncomfortable. Marian felt as if she
+was guilty of all, and was extremely provoked with herself for that
+blundering way of driving at her point, which made things worse when she
+most wanted to set them right. She had not comforted Caroline, and
+she had led poor Lionel to fancy his confidence betrayed, and himself
+discussed and--as he would call it--gossiped about. No wonder he looked
+as if she had been injuring him; yet, unjust as it was, she had only her
+own mal-adroitness to blame. A person of tact would have smoothed it all
+at once, instead of ruffling everything up.
+
+The tact Marian longed for is a natural talent; the consideration, the
+delicacy of feeling, that she really had, were a part of her sterling
+goodness, such as may be acquired by all; and her thorough truth,
+trustiness, kindness, and above all her single-mindedness, had a value,
+where she was really known, which weighed down, in the long run, all
+that was involuntarily against her in manner, and won her not only
+esteem, but such warm affection, such thorough reliance, as neither she
+herself, nor those who felt it could fathom. Tact is an excellent thing,
+but genuine love to our neighbour, seeking to show true kindness,
+delicacy, and consideration,--striving in fact to do as it would be done
+by,--is as much more precious, as a spiritual gift is than a natural
+quality.
+
+That very night, as Marian was sitting in her own room in her
+dressing-gown, pondering on these unfortunate blunders, there was a
+knock at her door, and in came Caroline. Sitting down by the fire, she
+held out a letter on two or three sheets of closely written notepaper.
+"Read that, Marian," said she, turning her face straight, to the fire as
+she gave it.
+
+It was from Walter, and the date showed that it had been written,
+immediately on receiving the announcement of Caroline's engagement.
+It was grave, earnest, and affectionate; not accusing Mr. Faulkner of
+anything, not positively objecting to him, but reminding Caroline of the
+solemnity of the duties she was about to undertake, and of the extreme
+danger of allowing herself to be so attracted by agreeableness of
+manner, or led on by the opinion of those around her, as to forget that
+the connection she was about to form was to last for life, and that she
+must be responsible for the influence her husband would exercise on her
+life here, and therefore on her life hereafter. He said he was sure she
+could not enter lightly on such an engagement, and therefore trusted
+that her own mind was thoroughly convinced that she had chosen one
+who would be a guide, an aid, and a support in the path that all were
+treading.
+
+It was exactly Walter's way, as Marian well knew, to manage to say, in
+his simple, and as he thought, guarded manner of representing things,
+what to sharper people had very much the air of irony; and as she gave
+back the letter, her observation, as the first that would occur, was,
+"It is very like Walter."
+
+"Very," said Caroline.
+
+"Did you answer him?"
+
+"I wrote again, but--but"--her voice began to fail--"it was not an
+answer. I would not seem to understand him. I wrote a lively, careless
+sort of letter, and only said papa and mamma were delighted, or
+something of that kind. And O, Marian, Marian, he has never written to
+me again, and I have deserved it." She burst into tears.
+
+"But why don't you write now? He must be very anxious to hear of Lionel,
+and there is no one to tell him."
+
+"I cannot," she replied; "I cannot, while--while he thinks of me as he
+must--as he ought!" She wept bitterly, and Marian stood by perplexed and
+distressed. "Dear Caroline," was the utmost that she could say.
+
+"Marian!" cried Caroline, looking up for a moment, then hiding her face
+again--"I would give anything in the world that he had been at home last
+summer; or that you had slept at High Down that night."
+
+A flash of hope and joy came across Marian. "If you think so," she
+began, but Caroline cut her short. "I know what you mean, but that it?
+impossible, quite Impossible--decidedly so," she added, as if these
+assurances were to strengthen her own belief in its impossibility, and
+not arguing, from a consciousness that her friend would overthrow every
+one of her arguments. "I don't know what made me come to you, and tease
+you," said she, rising and taking her letter; "good night."
+
+"Tease me! O, Caroline, Caroline, you know--"
+
+What she knew was lost in a most affectionate embrace; but Caroline
+would not stay any longer, and left Marian as usual, regretting
+everything that had passed.
+
+The nest night, however, Caroline came again, as if there was some
+irresistible spell that drew her to Marian. It was Sunday, and Marian
+had long since observed that on such days Caroline was always most out
+of spirits. She sat down, and let a long time pass without talking; but
+at last she said, "Marian, it is very kind in you to let me come and sit
+here. You cannot--no--you will never know how wretched I am."
+
+"My dear, dear Caroline, if I could but do anything for you! but," she
+proceeded, gathering resolution from her day's reflections, "you are the
+only person who can do anything for yourself."
+
+"Impossible!" repeated Caroline.
+
+Marian was not exactly silenced, but involved in deep considerations
+as to the propriety of interfering, and whether attempting to persuade
+Caroline would be doing evil that good might come. Before she had made
+up her mind,--as, indeed, how could she in five minutes come to a
+conclusion to which hours of previous perplexity had failed to bring
+her?--Caroline spoke again, "If it had but never begun! but now it has,
+it must go on."
+
+"I don't know--"
+
+"It must, I tell you!" repeated Caroline. "If it had all to begin over
+again, it would be very different. O, if it was but this time last
+year!"
+
+"But Caroline, Caroline," repeated Marian, carried away by the thought
+that rose to her lips, "only think; you say now if it was this time last
+year--now, while you can escape. Shall not you say so all the more when
+it is really too late,--when you will wish you had drawn back now?"
+
+"You have no right to say I should wish, that!" said Caroline, offended.
+"You don't know what the love is that you are holding so cheaply."
+
+"I beg your pardon, Caroline," and Marian was thrown into herself again;
+but she thought a little longer, and seeing that Caroline was still
+waiting and musing, she ventured on saying, in a timid voice, "Somehow,
+I think, it would seem to me that the more affection there was, the more
+painful it would all be."
+
+"You are right there, Marian," exclaimed Caroline, in a voice of acute
+feeling.
+
+It was a strange question that Marian next asked abruptly, on an impulse
+sudden at the moment, though it was what she had long eagerly desired to
+know. "Do you love him after all?"
+
+Caroline did not seem vexed by the inquiry, but went on speaking rather
+as if she was examining herself as to the answer,--"Love him? I don't
+know; sometimes I think I do, sometimes I think not. It is not as
+people in books love, and--and it can't be as your Agnes must love Mr.
+Arundel."
+
+A most emphatic "O no!" escaped from Marian, she hardly knew how, as if
+it was profanation to compare Mr. Faulkner to Edmund; and perhaps the
+strongest proof that Caroline's was not a real attachment, was that she
+let it pass. "But then," pursued she warmly, "I am sure he is attached
+to me--yes, very much--and--well, and I am glad to see him come into the
+room; I like to walk with him. There is no one--no--no one in the whole
+world whom I like so well. All my doubts and fears go away at the first
+sound of his voice, and I am quite happy then. O, Marian, that surely is
+love?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian; "I can't fancy love that has not begun with
+esteem, with looking up,"
+
+"I do look up!" said Caroline, eagerly. "He is so clever, so sensible,
+has such a mind."
+
+"I did not mean looking up intellectually,"
+
+"Ah! you can live in that way," said Caroline, quickly; "your own people
+are all of _that sort_. But you know I should never have had any one at
+all to love, if I had begun looking for _that kind of thing_, even at
+home."
+
+Too true, thought Marian, while she answered, "It is a different thing
+where you have to begin afresh, and take it voluntarily upon you."
+
+"Voluntarily!" repeated Caroline; "I am sure my will had very little
+to do with it. I found myself in the midst of it, without knowing how,
+before I had made up my mind one way or the other. O, Marian! if you had
+but been with me that morning."
+
+"Would that have prevented you?"
+
+"I do really believe it would. You would have looked as if you thought
+it so impossible, that I should have been strengthened up to do
+something they could not have taken for consent. I'll tell you all about
+it, Marian, from the beginning, and you will see how little free will I
+had in it, and how distracted I am now."
+
+Caroline went through the whole story, incoherently, and often only half
+expressing her sentiments, and passing over what Marian knew already.
+It seemed that she had been pleased with Mr. Faulkner's agreeableness,
+flattered by his attention, and entered upon the same sort of
+intercourse with him as with any other pleasant acquaintance. It would
+never have been her way, brought up as she had been, to shrink from him
+with such shuddering aversion as Marian did, simply from what she had
+heard of his opinions. He was so agreeable, that it was just as well
+quite to forget that, or only half to believe it. Then came the growing
+perceptions of his intentions towards her, and of her mother's triumph
+in them. But this was not till the archery arrangements were so far
+advanced, that she could not have drawn back from them; and she was,
+besides, in a whirl of gaiety and excitement that left little time for
+serious thought: that she put off till his offer should be made, if it
+was really coming. It came, and when she did not expect it. She knew
+not what to do she was too confused for consideration. The next day was
+bewilderment, and in the evening she found herself engaged. The new
+sensation given her by her lover's affection, her genuine admiration of
+his personal superiority, and wonder at herself for having attracted
+such a man,--her gratitude to his family for their kindness, the triumph
+of her parents,--all formed such a mixture of pleasurable, almost
+intoxicating feelings, as at first to giddy her, (or, as the French will
+express it, _l'ètourdir_,) as to what she had done, and what she
+was about to do. Marian's grave, still face, and omission of one
+congratulatory, even of one sympathetic word, were indeed witnesses; but
+the impression of her unaccommodating ways was then recent, and
+Caroline thought of her as one who showed goodness to be unpleasing and
+impracticable, and looked on her silent disapproval as part of that
+system of severity in which, she was consistent, but which her conduct
+only proved to be absurd and unreasonable.
+
+In the same spirit Caroline disregarded Walter's letter,--only a letter,
+which could therefore be laid aside, and which, in truth, did not say
+all he meant as forcibly or as well as it might have been said, since,
+as every one knew, Walter was more good than clever. A tenderness of
+feeling, reminding her that Walter loved her, would not let her destroy
+the letter, or be offended; but she intrenched herself in her parents'
+satisfaction, and being resolved not to attend to it, she would not seem
+to understand it. So time passed; at first she was really not exactly
+happy, but possessing what passed very well for happiness with herself
+and every one else; then came a time when an effort became necessary to
+persuade herself that she was so. It was not that Mr. Faulkner showed
+his character more openly, or startled her with any such plain
+expressions as had so much shocked Lionel; for he held that most subtle
+and perilous of all views partaking of unbelief,--that Christianity was
+the best and most beautiful form of religion yet promulgated, that it
+was all very well now for women and weak-minded people, and it was a
+step to some wonderful perfectibility, which was a sort of worship of an
+essence of beauty and intellect.
+
+He did not say such things to her, but they were the principles on which
+all his sentiments were founded: and as she knew him mire and more
+intimately, compared and discussed their tastes and likings, and the
+grounds on which they were formed, there were tokens, which could not
+help now and then showing themselves, of those opinions of which Marian
+had warned her.
+
+Very slow was she to admit the conviction, for she was growing much
+attached to him; and whenever he praised the beauty, the poetry, the
+morality, the majesty of anything belonging to religion, she caught at
+it and silenced all her doubts with it,--hoped she had silenced them for
+ever,--but the perception would return that it was only the beauty that
+he praised, because it was beauty, and struck him as such. Shade upon
+shade, imperceptible in itself, but each tint adding to its depth,
+the cloud of misgiving darkened, and though she tried to fight it
+off,--though she told herself it was too late,--though she was very
+angry with herself for it, there it still hung; and the ever-present
+consciousness of Marian's disapproval heightened it, till in impatient
+moods she began to dislike Marian, and wish her out of the house,
+
+Then came the news of Edmund Arundel's engagement, rousing Marian into
+such a glow of warm-hearted delight, as to waken Caroline to a complete
+sense of her power of affection, as well as of the contrast of the
+manner in which she regarded the prospects of her two friends. Caroline
+grew more unhappy, and strove both against her own growing wretchedness,
+and an almost magnetic attraction, which drew her to impart it all to
+Marian, in spite of the chill with which it would be first met, and of
+the advice which could never be taken; whilst a yearning, longing desire
+for the long-suspended intercourse with Walter, and a sense of his
+displeasure, formed no slight portion of her miserable feelings. The
+arrangements for her marriage she looked on as part of her destiny,--at
+any rate, they occupied her mind; and there would be an end, after that,
+of these dreadful and vain doubts.
+
+In the midst of all this, poor Lionel's threatened misfortune gave
+Caroline, as it were, a glimpse down a long dark road, where nothing had
+ever yet caused her to look; yet who could say whether it might not
+be her's to tread it? Affliction, sickness, sorrow, death, certain at
+last,--there was but one stay in them; and what if she should lose
+it,--if she was losing it already? I She thought of bearing them with
+_him_,--of the hollowness, the fallacy, the utter misery of trying to be
+sustained by aught that had not its foundations firmly fixed beyond the
+grave,--of not looking as sorrow as fatherly chastisement. (Caroline
+hardly yet entered into its still higher claim,) or at death as the gate
+of life. And O! if she loved him as her husband, what would it be to see
+him die, thinking, or even having thought, as he too surely did? All the
+train of fallacies about sincerity rather than forms of faith,--all the
+hopes that he might yet be brought to see the truth, and that she might
+be the means, were only soporifics for a moment, which failed to still
+the ever growing agony. She knew there was nothing in them, and that
+they were only extenuations; but still, amid all her unhappiness, there
+was a resolution to persevere, a want of moral courage which determined
+her to go on, and enter on such a life as this, rather than go through
+all that would ensue on an attempt to break off the match. Thus, though
+her reluctance was increasing, and she now sought to put off the
+decisive day, instead of precipitating it, as at first, all she
+attempted was to have the wedding deferred in consequence of her
+brother's condition; and though, logically taken, there was no great
+reason in the request, every one agreed it was a very amiable feeling,
+and so her desire was complied with. She would have avoided Marian more
+than ever, but this could hardly be, now that her cousin was in fuller
+sympathy, with all the family than she had ever been before; and little
+as was her immediate power with Lionel, Caroline would have given worlds
+even for that. Thus, as has been shown, the old sympathy grew up again;
+the root, blighted months ago, shot out once more, and at last accident
+and impulse led Caroline to do what she had little expected ever to have
+done,--to pour out all her griefs, cares, and doubts to Marian, knowing
+all the time what she would say, and resolved against her advice, yet
+irresistibly impelled to go on, as if talking would relieve her of her
+burthen, and resting on the solid, firm truth of that deep love, which
+manifested itself by few tokens indeed, but those were of extreme worth.
+
+The confession was a perplexity and a sorrow to Marian while it was
+being made, though she was very glad it had been done; and how intense
+were the affection and compassion for Caroline that filled her heart is
+beyond all power of narration. She answered with earnest sympathy, at
+each step helped out the broken words, and showed her comprehension of
+the pauses. She was a perfect listener in all but one respect; she
+would not give the counsel Caroline wanted; and she would not have been
+Marian, she would not have had her own reality and bracing severity, if
+she had. She could not cheer Caroline up, bid her banish fear, and look
+forward to happiness; she could not even tell her there was no help for
+it: she only said, "I don't know," and sat considering whenever Caroline
+reiterated that it was impossible, and too late.
+
+Some power those "I don't knows" had beyond eloquence; for when Caroline
+had seven times fully proved how entirely out of the question any
+attempt to escape from her destiny would be, she ended by asking, in
+quite a different tone, "What would you have me do?"
+
+The reply was, of course, "I don't know;" but this was immediately
+followed by a repetition of the former counsel, "Write to Walter."
+
+Caroline could not--would not; it would be of no use: poor Walter should
+not be tormented. If, in his strict sense of right, he chose to come and
+try, as he would think, to save her, there would be nothing but uproar
+and confusion in the family; and to think of him, with his timidity,
+bringing his father's anger on himself for her sake, seemed to her
+at the moment beyond all things dreadful. No, no, no, it was utterly
+impossible; and therewith the fire being out, and the clock striking
+two, Caroline thanked Marian for her kindness, said it was all of no
+use, kissed her, and bade her good night.
+
+Marian thought no good was done, and only made herself very unhappy at
+seeing her led, by weakness, to sacrifice herself against her better
+judgment. The next night, Caroline came again, and the conversation was
+resumed, or rather gone over again, with no more satisfactory result
+than before; and so it was the next, and the next. To be comforter and
+adviser sounds like a delightful privilege, and so, thought Marian, it
+would be, if one could only do it; but to have all the opportunity,--to
+have people coming for comfort, and not in the least be able to afford
+it, neither to relieve them, nor to be sure that she had not done them
+harm was to the highest degree painful and unsatisfactory. And from
+Lionel's repinings to Caroline's doubts, she went, suffering for each,
+equally unable to console either, and wondering which was the saddest
+case. Lionel's was, she thought, far the best, if he would but perceive
+it; but then Caroline's might yet be remedied, if she had but strength
+for one struggle. All that Marian could do without mistrust, was to pray
+for them both, and to pray that she might not be the means of doing them
+harm.
+
+She saw how wrong it would be in her, personally to interfere between
+Caroline and her parents' wishes; and it was this that made her adhere
+to that one piece of advice, that Walter should be written to, since on
+his judgment and sense of right there was the most absolute reliance;
+and, both as brother and Clergyman, he was by far the most proper person
+for Caroline to consult, or to act for her.
+
+For three days, however, it was all in vain, Caroline would not write;
+and she began to despair, and to grow angry with the feebleness that
+would not take one step in the right direction. On the fourth, Caroline,
+who the night before had seemed as averse as ever, showed her, as she
+crossed the hall on the way to luncheon, a letter directed to
+the Reverend Walter Lyddell. Her heart leapt, but as she smiled
+satisfaction, she saw Caroline's face so wan, dejected, and miserable,
+that she could not make herself too happy. There were other doubts, now
+that this point was gained, as to how Walter might be able to manage
+Caroline,--whether he would lead her to the right, or unconsciously turn
+her to the wrong, by his want of skilfulness; what might be his idea of
+her duty to her parents, or to her promise; whether he might think
+it right to take upon himself to advise, or whether either he or his
+sister, when it came to the point, would have nerve enough to excite
+their father's displeasure.
+
+The only thing Marian thought at all favourable, was that Elliot and Mr.
+Faulkner were both at Newmarket, and there was no present appearance of
+their coming home. Elliot was likely to make more opposition than any
+one else, and Mr. Faulkner's influence was of course to be dreaded.
+Indeed, had he been at hand, believing, as Caroline did, in his
+affection for her, it was most probable that she would never have spoken
+of her misgivings at all, and very possibly have hardly acknowledged
+them to herself.
+
+Caroline's letter had been written on Thursday. It was Monday, and no
+answer had come, which caused her to look more worn and dispirited than
+before, unable even to keep up the appearance of cheerfulness which she
+had hitherto assumed when with the rest of the family. It was a cold,
+gloomy, wintry day, with gusts of sleety rain, and no one chose to
+attempt going out, except Marian and Lionel, the former of whom was
+a systematic despiser of weather, and never was hurt by anything but
+staying in-doors, while the latter would rather have done anything than
+idle away a whole afternoon as well as a morning in the drawing-room.
+Even they thought it too bad for riding; so after making the circuit of
+the park, they went into the town, where Lionel wanted to buy a silk
+handkerchief. He had been told the day before that his neck-tie was
+growing unfit to be seen, he did not choose to ask any one to get one
+for him, and it was against his will that he was obliged to take Marian
+to secure him from buying "any thing awful," as he expressed it.
+
+The purchase prospered very well, Lionel hoped that the shopman had not
+found out how entirely he trusted to his companion for the choice, and
+was proud that his old precaution of substituting a key for a slider at
+the gold end of his purse, had saved him from making any mistakes about
+the money. They were walking away, arm in arm; it was not yet necessary
+to guide him, but Marian thought, beginning now would soften the first
+commencement of dependence. And, indeed, even in the holidays Lionel, in
+his first tail-coat, had been well-pleased to find himself man enough to
+have his arm taken by a young lady.
+
+A carriage was passing. "There is Walter!" joyfully exclaimed Marian, as
+she saw the well-known spectacled face peering from the window of one of
+the carriages from the Great Western Station.
+
+"Walter! what, come at last?" cried Lionel, looking up and frowning in
+that painful way that had become habitual to him when he strained his
+eyes to see distinctly. Walter had at the same moment spied them,
+stopped, thrown the door open, sprung out, and was shaking hands with
+them, but scarcely speaking. He turned again to order the driver to go
+on and set his things down at the house, and then joined his brother and
+cousin, looting very anxiously at Lionel, whose arm Marian had quitted,
+and still keeping silence. Marian on her side was very glad; but at the
+same time almost overcome by the thought of what this return home must
+be to Walter, and feeling a strange, solemn sensation at first meeting
+her cousin and companion, after he had become in an especial manner
+the servant of the Most High. He was Walter still, Walter with his
+near-sighted eyes, and nervous manner, yet he was so much more, and his
+clerical dress would not let her forget it for a moment.
+
+Lionel was the most unembarrassed of the three, he was very glad to
+meet his brother, and wishing to show that he could bear his troubles
+manfully, he spoke joyously, "So you have thought better of it and come
+at last, Walter; I hope it is for a good long time."
+
+"Only till Saturday," was Walter's answer.
+
+"Well, that is something, only I can't think why you did not come
+before."
+
+Walter murmured something about having been much occupied, and then
+seemed to be watching Lionel too intently to say any more. Marian
+thought the brothers would get on much better without her, and, coming
+to a cottage, said she wanted to speak to somebody in it. "O Marian, we
+will wait for you," said Walter, with a pleading look, and she saw from
+his agitated, fidgeting manner, that he was excessively nervous at the
+notion of being left to take care of Lionel back to the house.
+
+"Very well," she said, "I will not be a moment;" and delivering her
+message, which had been only devised as an excuse, she walked on with
+them, in a sort of despair as to Walter's being of any use. "If he is
+afraid to walk home with Lionel," thought she, "what will it be about
+stirring up his father? Why cannot people have a little courage?" She
+consoled herself by remembering that Walter could not know the degree of
+Lionel's blindness, and probably thought it worse than it yet was; but
+even if it had been total, she could not see that he need have been
+afraid of guiding him in the street and through the park. If it was the
+additional nervousness, of disliking to begin on so painful a subject,
+that she thought worse than all. Marian being by no means troubled with
+nerves herself, had little toleration for women who had them; and none
+at all for men. She thought the case lost, and half repented of her
+advice to write to Walter, yet she did not know what else she could
+possibly have said. Lionel talked on, told who was at home, and what
+every one was about, and when Johnny had last been heard of, all in a
+bright, lively tone, not exactly assumed, for he was much cheered by
+his brother's arrival, and yet partly from the wonted desire of showing
+himself happy. Walter did not make much reply, but when Lionel after
+saying Elliot was at Newmarket, added, "And Mr. Faulkner is there too,
+so you won't have the pleasure of an introduction," he started, and
+Marian saw the trembling of his lips.
+
+Thus they reached the house, and Lionel dashed forward In his own
+headlong way before them, to announce Walter's coming. Then Walter
+looked at Marian, saying, "Then it is not so bad yet?"
+
+"O no, it is only that he cannot see anything distinctly; he cannot bear
+not to be independent."
+
+They were entering the hall by this time, and his mother and sisters had
+come out to meet Walter, Caroline very white and trembling, and holding
+by the back of a chair instead of coming forward; Mrs. Lyddell kissed
+him, and seemed more affectionate than usual, for it had been a great
+pleasure to her to see Lionel rush in with that animated face, and a
+shout such as he used to get into disgrace for.
+
+Nothing came to pass that evening, there were no private conferences,
+and there was nothing remarkable, excepting that Lionel was quite merry
+and talkative, and Caroline more silent than ever, seeming hardly to
+attend even when Walter was sitting between her and Clara, talking to
+Marian and Lionel about the beautiful arrangements of Church and school
+in his new curacy. At night she was in such a terrible agitation,
+walking up and down the rooms so restless and wretched that Marian,
+seriously afraid she would be quite ill the next day, persuaded her with
+great difficulty, to go to bed, and did not leave her till very late at
+night, when she had read her to sleep.
+
+It was a, great relief to find her pretty well in the morning, at least
+with nothing worse than a headache. She and Walter both disappeared
+after breakfast, and did not come down till luncheon time, when she
+looked so ill that Mrs. Lyddell was alarmed and insisted on her lying
+down and keeping quiet. Then Mrs. Lyddell said that Walter ought to go
+and call on Lady Julia Faulkner, and offered to take him there. Marian
+looked at him by stealth, and could have gasped for breath, for by what
+he did now, she thought she could see what line he would take.
+
+"Thank you," he said, or rather hesitated, "but don't let me interrupt
+your plans. I thought I heard something about--about. Salisbury. I have
+something to do there."
+
+"The girls did talk of wanting to go," said Mrs. Lyddell. "Did not you,
+Marian or Clara, which was it?"
+
+"My watch wants to have something done to it," put in Lionel, whose
+father had given him a repeater, which of course began its career by
+doing anything but going properly.
+
+"Well, perhaps it will he as well to go to Salisbury to-day, as Caroline
+has this headache. She never likes going there, and she may be able to
+go with us to High Down to-morrow."
+
+So it was settled, and they left the luncheon table. Marian happened to
+be the last lady, and whether it was fancy or not she was not sure, but
+she thought she heard on Walter's lips, a self-reproachful whisper of
+"Coward."
+
+The expedition to Salisbury, in which Marian was obliged to take part,
+prevented her from seeing anything of Caroline till the evening, and
+then as soon as Clara was out of the way Caroline rose up, caught hold
+of her hand, and exclaimed, "O, Marian, what have you made me do?" then
+walked about in a paroxysm of distress, almost terrible to witness.
+
+"Caroline, dearest, O don't!" cried Marian quite frightened; "do try to
+be calm! O what is it?"
+
+"O it will all be misery!" said Caroline, sitting down and clasping her
+hands over her face, "I little knew what it would be when you made me
+write to Walter. He says it would be wickedness--yes, those were his
+words--he called it wickedness in me to go on with it, as I feel now!"
+
+"And you mean to--"
+
+"I cannot tell--I don't know--he must do as he pleases; O it will make
+me wild! He must do as he pleases, for I must be wretched either way,"
+
+"Dear Caroline--but O! how much better to be unhappy for the sake of
+doing right than when--"
+
+"Yes, yes--so he said--but O! the horror. It kills me even to think of
+what it will be! O, Marian, Marian--"
+
+"It will be over in time," said Marian; "but O! I am glad you have made
+up your mind--"
+
+"No, I have not--at least I must, I suppose--for after what Walter said
+I can't go on. Walter's words would be a dagger--O! I don't know what
+they would be, all the rest of my life if I did. No--you and Walter must
+have your own way; I am too wretched already to care what becomes of
+inc. But he--O Marian, I never can--"
+
+"If it is right you can," said Marian.
+
+"You can, but you don't know what you say to me," said Caroline. "Right
+has never been to me what it is to you."
+
+"Yes, indeed it has, dear Caroline, or you would not be making this
+struggle now. Indeed there must be strength in you, or you would have
+gone on without faltering."
+
+"Walter said he should never have spoken one word after that first
+letter, if I had not begun," said Caroline; "but when he saw my mind
+misgave me, and I wanted help, he thought it his duty to come and set
+it all before me. O, Marian, he said dreadful things; I did not think
+Walter could have been so cruel. O, such things! He made me look at the
+Marriage Service, and say how I could answer those things; and he talked
+about death and the Last Day. He said it would be a presumptuous sin,
+and a profaning of the holy ordinance for me to come to it, knowing and
+thinking and feeling as I do. O what things he said! and yet he was very
+kind to me."
+
+"Well, and--"
+
+"I left it all to him. I knew it would be misery, and I did not care in
+what way; but then, Marian, O! worse than all, he said it must be my own
+doing."
+
+"I suppose it must."
+
+"He said he would help me; but I was the only person who had a right to
+do anything! O, Marian, Marian, I wish I could die."
+
+"It will be over in time!" repeated Marian.
+
+"Yes, but it will not be over. Mamma, papa, O I shall be reproached with
+it for ever; I shall know I have made _him_ unhappy. O would that I
+could begin all over again!"
+
+"You will have comfort at last in having been strong. The greater the
+effort the nobler it is! O, Caroline, do only hold out nobly. It is so
+glorious to have something to suffer for the sake of doing right!"
+
+"Glorious!" murmured Caroline, her desponding gaze raised to contemplate
+the grand head, fine brow, firm lips, and dark glancing eye, turned up
+for a moment in the enthusiastic spirit of self-devotion. That look,
+unknowing as was Marian that she wore it, penetrated into Caroline's
+soul, and warmed her too with the temper of martyrdom. "Glorious;" she
+repeated a second time, and the tone was not so broken and hopeless as
+before.
+
+"To be sure it is!" said Marian, going on with her own thoughts, "and it
+is so seldom people can ever partake of it, in ever so slight a degree,
+in these days; I always think it so beautiful where the account is given
+of the Apostles' great joy when they found a persecution was really
+going to begin."
+
+"Persecution--yes, real persecution."
+
+"And every suffering for the sake of the truth, for conscience' sake,
+must partake a little of that, I suppose," said Marian reverently.
+
+There they were interrupted by Clara, who came to call Marian down
+stairs. Caroline came too, which the others had not expected. She was
+more calm and composed, and her headache was supposed by her mother to
+account for her want of spirits. She went to bed early, begging Marian
+to come and visit her when she came up. Marian contrived to do so as
+soon as possible, and found her already in bed, quiet and comfortable.
+"Marian," she said, "I have made up my mind. Now read to me, if you
+please."
+
+She was worn out with agitation and sleeplessness, and soothed with
+having come to a determination, she soon fell asleep, and Marian went
+to her own room, wondering over the part Walter had acted, and what he
+might be going to do next, whether he had led or driven his sister, and
+how far the courage of principle would avail to subdue natural timidity.
+
+Caroline was pretty well the next morning, but the time was broken up in
+various ways, so that it was not till the afternoon that she could see
+Walter again in private. Lionel was considerably disconcerted when he
+found himself left to Marian. He had no notion of what was going on, had
+believed Walter's return to be entirely on his account, and was much
+disappointed at not having more of his company; for though both had been
+of the party to Salisbury, one had been outside the carriage and the
+other inside, so that they had not seen much of each other, and this
+morning had been interrupted. He was so much vexed and inclined to be
+hurt, by what he felt as a slight on his brother's part, that Marian
+could not resist telling him what she knew would console him. "I don't
+think you will mind it, Lionel, when you know why it is that Caroline
+wants him."
+
+"Ha?" said Lionel, "you don't mean that she has thought better of it,
+and is going to send Julian the Apostate to the right about. Eh? You
+don't say so. Well, then there is some good in Caroline after all! But
+then what should she want of Walter?"
+
+"To help her, to advise her."
+
+"Well, if she likes, but I can't see what advice she wants. She has only
+got to make him a curtsey and say, 'Very much obliged to you, sir, but I
+had rather be excused.'"
+
+Marian could not help laughing, in spite of her deep feeling on the
+matter, and Lionel, who had acted the voice and the curtsey, laughed
+too, and then perhaps ashamed of making fun of such an affair, added,
+"It is the best news I have heard this long time. What, and that is what
+she has been so dismal about these last few days, is it?"
+
+"Yes, she has been very unhappy indeed. It is a terrible struggle."
+
+"What? she likes him, does she? Poor Cary! After all I am glad she is
+coming right again, she is very good natured, and a great deal too good
+for Ju--. Ah! you won't have him called so, I know. They have taken a
+good time for it now he is away and Elliot too, but what a tremendous
+row there will be about it. Mamma thought it was such a speculation for
+Caroline."
+
+"Yes, I am afraid she will have a great deal to go through."
+
+"Yes," said Lionel, pondering gravely for some minutes; then asking
+"What is going to be done?"
+
+"I don't know in the least; I believe she is settling with Walter
+to-day."
+
+"Then nobody knows about it yet?"
+
+There was no more to do but to have the satisfaction of talking over the
+engagement together, an occupation which put Lionel into particularly
+good spirits, and made their walk very pleasant. In the next glimpse
+which Marian had of Caroline, she learnt that Walter had undertaken to
+speak to his father that very evening. Caroline looked ghastly white as
+she said so in a whisper, but her dreadful agitation seemed to have
+left her; she had evidently quite made up her mind, though she said she
+believed it would never have been done if it had rested with her to
+begin by telling either of her parents. Both she and Marian knew that
+nothing but a spirit of moral heroism could have braced Walter to bear
+the first brunt of his father's wrath, and she was very much shocked at
+her own weakness in suffering it, but still it was much in her to allow
+it to be done.
+
+That the conversation had taken place at night, when all the rest had
+retired, was evident to Marian when they met the nest morning from the
+very dark, severe loots of Mr Lyddell, from his wife's impatient angry
+manner, and sharper, louder voice. Walter was almost absolutely silent,
+Caroline went through the forms of breakfast as if she was in a dream,
+Lionel frowned, fidgeted, and tried with all his might, poor boy, to
+scan the faces which were daily growing more obscure to his vision; even
+Clara saw something was wrong, and glanced from one to the other in a
+puzzled, alarmed manner When they left the dining-room, Marian heard
+Mrs. Lyddell say, "Caroline, I want you." She flew up to her own room,
+and hiding her face, as she knelt down, she entreated earnestly that her
+poor Caroline might have steadfastness to go through this fearful trial.
+She was interrupted by Clara, begging to know what was the matter, if
+anything was wrong about Mr. Faulkner; she thought Lionel knew, but when
+she him be would do nothing but crow like a cock. Marian would have been
+glad if she could have made any equally convenient demonstration instead
+of an answer, but she could only say that she had heard nothing of Mr.
+Faulkner, and could not tell Clara anything about the matter.
+
+"Do you know anything?" said Clara.
+
+"I do know."
+
+"Ah! you are in all Caroline's secrets now, and that is very odd; you
+who used to hate the Faulkners. Well, but are not you coming down?"
+
+In spite of his cock-crowings, Lionel was very anxious, and when in the
+course of that long desultory forlorn morning he was left alone with
+Marian, he earnestly asked her what she knew. "Nothing" was her answer.
+
+"O if Caroline will but hold out!" he exclaimed, "that will be what I
+call being good for something! I hope mamma won't be desperately angry,
+for that I could stand less than anything, it goes on so much longer
+with her than with papa."
+
+"She will be very much disappointed. O how I wish I knew what is
+happening!"
+
+It was a long time before any intelligence could be gained: Mrs. Lyddell
+was very much flushed, and looked extremely displeased when she came
+down, hardly speaking to any one but Lionel, and glancing most sternly
+at Marian, Caroline did not come down at all, and when Marian was going
+up stairs after luncheon, Mrs. Lyddell said with extreme coldness, "Do
+not go to Caroline, if you please, I wish her to be left quiet."
+
+Marian was in great consternation, since it was evident that Mrs.
+Lyddell perceived how her influence had been exerted, and was very much
+offended, indeed it was no wonder that she should be. Nothing but "very
+well" could be said so she quietly prepared to go out. Lionel had his
+brother this afternoon and did not want her, so she had only Clara for
+her companion full of surmises and of excitement. When she came in and
+was on her way to her room, Caroline opened her door. "Marian! O will
+you not come to me?" cried she imploringly.
+
+Marian could not but comply, indeed she had no hesitation, for she
+thought Mrs. Lyddell's injunction only applied to the time before she
+went out.
+
+"O, cheer me up, comfort me, Marian!" said Caroline, drawing her
+cousin's arm round her waist, "I do want it so much!"
+
+"You are going on bravely then!" said Marian, caressing her.
+
+"Bravely!" sighed Caroline; "No, indeed, but I have held firmly so far!
+I could not but stand by poor Walter, you know, when he confronted it
+all for me! I could not say much--I could only cry--but I took care they
+should not think I consented again."
+
+"And is Mrs. Lyddell very much displeased?"
+
+"O, don't speak of it, Marian. I cannot bear it."
+
+The door opened and Mrs. Lyddell entered, and the air of indignant
+surprise on seeing Marian called for an answer: "I beg your pardon, I
+thought you only meant me not to go to Caroline just after luncheon,"
+said Marian.
+
+"I wish matters, such as we have been discussing, to be confined
+entirely to our own family," replied Mrs. Lyddell, too angry not to say
+something, yet too much afraid of Marian not to say it very courteously.
+
+"Mamma!" said Caroline eagerly, "only hear me. I assure you that not one
+word did Marian ever say to me till I voluntarily went to her a week
+ago, because I was so very miserable I could bear it no longer."
+
+"I should have thought your mother the proper person to go to in such a
+case. Miss Arundel's sentiments had so long been visible, that you could
+have no doubt of the advice you would receive from her."
+
+"Mrs. Lyddell," said Marian, collecting herself, and speaking slowly,
+"I am very sorry I have appeared to act a part which I know must seem
+unjustifiable. I never spoke to--to Caroline" (the remembrance of Lionel
+prevented her from saying to any one) "of my opinion of this engagement,
+after it was formed, till she came to me for advice, in her distress. I
+could not speak against my conscience, and I tried not to forget what
+was due to you. I only begged her to write to her brother as the fittest
+person to help her, as being a clergyman. I beg your pardon for having
+acted against your wishes." So saying, Marian went out, surprised and
+alarmed at finding herself in open opposition to Mrs. Lyddell, and
+bewildered as to how she ought to have acted. Her comfort was in looking
+forward to the refuge at Fern Torr, and she smiled as she compared Mrs.
+Lyddell with her other guardian's future wife.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell wished her at Fern Torr fully as much as she did. She had
+already become jealous of Lionel's preference, and it was too galling to
+find the affection of her children stolen from her by that cold, pale,
+proud, unprepossessing girl. Had the love been on the part of Elliot or
+Walter, Mrs. Lyddell would hardly have regretted it, considering Miss
+Arundel's large fortune and high connexions; but nothing was less
+probable than this, and Marian's influence over Caroline was at present,
+in Mrs. Lyddell's eyes, only a source of mischief.
+
+Lionel was alone in the drawing-room, and met Marian eagerly inquiring
+"What news?"
+
+"I have hardly seen her. Has Walter told you nothing?"
+
+"No; he thinks I don't know, and I was not going to let on that you told
+me. Is she steady?"
+
+"Yes, so far."
+
+"That is right," said Lionel, thoughtfully, "I am very sorry for her,
+but I shall think the better of her ever after."
+
+"Have you been out with Walter?"
+
+"Yes, we have had a very nice talk."
+
+Here Walter came down, and began to talk to Marian about schools and
+lending libraries.
+
+It was a strange state of things, with all those different pairs of
+confidential friends. Both Marian and Walter were the stay and support
+of Caroline and Lionel; yet, though acting in concert, and perfectly
+agreed, not saying a word in confidence to each other on either head.
+Neither did Walter speak of Caroline to Lionel, nor Lionel, though much
+interested for her, speak to her of his affairs or her own. Clara indeed
+bestowed her communications on every one, but she got nothing in return
+that was satisfactory. Marian was the central point with all except
+Walter, but the fulness of her heart was bestowed elsewhere. And, alas!
+none saw so little of those young hearts as the parents, who had never
+earned their confidence; so that when they turn to them, it was from
+duty, as to rulers, not as to counsellors and friends.
+
+Very sore was Marian's heart that night, when she felt it her duty to
+bid Caroline good night in Mrs. Lyddell's hearing, in spite of the
+piteous, imploring glance turned upon her. Might not her support make
+all the difference now? she thought. No; shame on her for thinking that
+she could do more good than He to whose hands Caroline was trusted!
+Folly, to dream that her awkward, blundering words could be more help
+than the prayers she could pour out alone!
+
+Yet all these consolations could not prevent poor Marian from being very
+miserable, under the dread that Caroline thought her unkind, and felt
+herself deserted, after being involved in all this suffering. And O,
+should she fail! Walter must go on Saturday, and then she would be left
+to fight her battle alone.
+
+On the Friday the whole house knew what was going on. Mr. Lyddell
+himself had a conversation with Caroline, but nothing of it transpired.
+It only was evident that she still continued in the same mind, and she
+looked more wretched than ever. Marian was anxious to show her affection
+and sympathy in her manner, but her anxiety only made her cold, and dry,
+and awkward. Clara was excited and puzzled, Walter was hardly spoken to
+by father or mother; and when at breakfast on Saturday he spoke of his
+departure, the silence that he encountered seemed to express that he had
+much better not have come home at all.
+
+Marian felt fierce with indignation, and Lionel, perhaps by way of
+effusion of the same feeling, dashed his chair away from the table, and
+called out, "Mind you come back again as soon as ever you can."
+
+But the dead silence that followed was more painful and marked than it
+had been before.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+  "The flowers do fade, and wanton fields,
+  To wayward winter reckoning yields,
+  A honey tongue, a heart of gall
+  Is fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall."
+
+  SIR W. RALEIGH.
+
+
+The Sunday after Walter's departure was a very uncomfortable and
+melancholy day. It was very sad to see poor Caroline looking wan and
+suffering, and turning now and then a wistful appealing glance at
+Marian, as if intreating for the help which must not be afforded to
+her; and then at each meeting and parting, Marian was dissatisfied with
+herself for having been rendered stiff and dry instead of tender and
+consoling, by the very wish to be affectionate, which prevented her from
+being at ease. She heard from Clara that Caroline's great desire was to
+be allowed to write to Mr. Faulkner on the subject before she saw him
+again, whilst he was still in London, and that it was this which her
+parents so strongly opposed, convinced that a meeting with him would
+renew all her feelings of attachment. Marian dreaded the same, for she
+could not think Caroline's resolution sufficient to hold out in sight of
+his affection, and of his prepossessing qualities, and at the same time,
+every day that the engagement continued made it more difficult to break
+it off.
+
+One comfort was, however, that Lionel's anxiety and interest in
+Caroline's affairs, were drawing his attention from his own trouble, and
+he was much less irritable and unhappy than before. Perhaps this might
+have been in part owing to his conversations with Walter, who could
+venture on giving him more lessons on the right principle of endurance
+than Marian had ever dared to put before him. She was more pleased than
+she had been for a long time, when as they were walking together in the
+plantations, after evening service, he said with some abruptness and
+yet with some hesitation, "Marian, didn't you once read something with
+Gerald in the morning?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, sure of what the something meant.
+
+"Do you do it still by yourself?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Then I wish----. Would you mind reading to me?"
+
+"The Psalms and Lessons? O, Lionel, I should be so glad I Only could you
+get up in time? for I don't know when to do it except before breakfast."
+
+"To be sure I could get up in time. I only lie in bed because there is
+nothing to do, and nobody to speak to."
+
+"Well then, will you meet me in the schoolroom at eight o'clock in the
+morning?"
+
+"Very well."
+
+No more was said, but Lionel kept his appointment. It was, as Marian
+guessed a recommendation of his brother's. Walter had asked him to get
+one of his sisters to read to him, and Lionel had made the request to
+Marian, as his real sister, though he had never told Walter whether he
+meant to take his advice.
+
+The next Sunday, Marian, on coming down after dressing for dinner, was
+surprised to find Elliot standing by the fire. He just inclined his
+bead, and moved his lips by way of greeting.
+
+"When did you come home?" said she drily.
+
+"Half-an-hour ago."
+
+The answer was brief and with no encouragement to say more. She thought
+he looked dark and moody, and, taking up a book, was silent. The next
+time the door opened, it was Lionel who entered. He frowned and gazed
+up, perceiving the figure but not able to make it out. "Ha, Lionel! How
+d'ye do?" said Elliot in a short, gruff, indifferent voice; without
+moving or attempting to shake hands, without any token that he thought
+of Lionel's misfortune.
+
+Lionel's equally indifferent tone, "How d'ye do?" was sign enough to
+Marian that he was hurt. He came and sat by her, talked fast and low,
+and laughed several times in the constrained manner he used to put on by
+way of bravado; Elliot all the time taking no notice. The others soon
+made their appearance. Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell had seen him before, and to
+his sisters his greeting was much in the same style, hardly vouchsafing
+any recognition of Caroline at all.
+
+The cloud was thicker and darker than ever all dinner time. Mr. and Mrs.
+Lyddell tried in vain to talk, he answered them in a short snappish way
+which he was apt to assume whenever his father made any attempt to check
+his extravagance.
+
+The ladies and Lionel were glad to get into the drawing-room, and leave
+him and his father to themselves. Tea came and they did not appear, ten
+o'clock struck, half-past, and they came not. The ladies were putting
+away their books, and thinking of wishing good night when suddenly the
+door was thrown open, and in tramped Mr. Lyddell, red with passion,
+while behind him came Elliot, with less of violence, but with a dark
+scowl of resentment on his downcast and always unpleasant face.
+
+"Caroline!" began Mr. Lyddell, in a voice of thunder, and great was the
+alarm of all, for her sake, as she turned pale and trembled. "Caroline!
+You have my full consent to do as you please. You may break with
+Faulkner to-morrow, if you like!"
+
+Some discovery! thought Marian, transfixed with wonder and hope;
+Caroline sat still but for her trembling, her face bent down, and her
+hands nervously clasped together.
+
+"Now, sir," proceeded Mr. Lyddell, turning round on Elliot, "you see if
+I am the tyrant you would make me. You see if I am going to force my
+daughter into a marriage against her wish--sacrifice my whole family
+because I have an ill-conditioned scamp of a good-for-nothing son. You
+see."
+
+"I do see, sir," muttered Elliot; "and you'll see whether you like the
+consequences."
+
+Marian thought she had better be out of this family scene, and had her
+hand on the door, but Mr. Lyddell called out "Stay here! Marian! I
+don't care if all the world heard me. He thinks he can threaten me into
+tyranny over her inclinations, and I tell him she is as free as air! I
+vow----."
+
+"Mr. Lyddell! do consider, do think," expostulated his wife; "I daresay
+Elliot was a little too vehement a partizan for his friend----."
+
+"Friend! Pshaw! He care for his friend!" said Mr. Lyddell scornfully.
+"'Tis for himself he is a partizan, I tell you. Nothing else does he
+care a straw for. 'Tis for nothing but the saving of her fortune that he
+would have me persecute his sister into this marriage! Aye! he has the
+face to tell me so! and what more do you think he comes and says to me!
+Why! that Lionel will be nothing but a burthen for ever! A pretty pass
+things are come to when he speaks after that fashion of his own brother!
+He cared for his friend, indeed!"
+
+"No one ever thought of compelling Caroline," pleaded Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"But I tell you he did," interrupted her husband. "I told him I was very
+sorry, but I could not help it; if she would have her own way, I could
+not make her marry the man against her will, and he answers in his
+sneering way that it is all nonsense, he would be bound to make her give
+up in no time--any man could bring a girl to reason. As if I was to
+persecute my daughter to force her into what she tells me is against her
+conscience. Better too much conscience than none at all, I tell you,
+Master Elliot."
+
+"We had better bring this scene to an end, sir," said Elliot sullenly.
+"We understand each other."
+
+So saying, he took up his candle and flung out of the room. The girls
+were but too glad to escape, and Lionel followed them, leaving Mr. and
+Mrs. Lyddell to themselves.
+
+Caroline and Clara both were trembling like aspen leaves, each threw an
+arm round Marian's waist, and leant against her as soon as they were
+out of the room. She had been startled and trembling before, but their
+fright seemed to give her firmness; and it was well, for Caroline's
+knees shook so much, and she was so nervous that she could hardly have
+reached her room without support. Clara began to exclaim, but Marian
+stopped her, made her fetch some camphor julep, helped Caroline to
+undress, and put her to bed. Caroline hardly spoke all the time, but
+as Marian bent over her to kiss her, and wish her good night, she
+whispered, "I may soon be able to have you again, dear Marian!"
+
+Marian went to bed, wondering at all that had passed, indignant with
+Elliot, pleased with Mr. Lyddell, hopeful for Caroline, and cheered by
+finding that she had not been thought unkind.
+
+She heard doors opened and shut, and the trampling of feet the next
+morning, and when Lionel met her in the schoolroom for their reading,
+he told her that be had been overtaken by Elliot running down stairs at
+full speed; and had only just time to clear out of his way. "And hark!
+is not there something at the front door? Look out, Marian."
+
+Marian looked from the window. "Yes! It is his dog-cart. Can he be going
+away, Lionel?"
+
+"Going off in a rage!" said Lionel, looking grave; "I thought there was
+mischief in his voice last night."
+
+"Yes, there is his portmanteau," said Marian, in a tone of
+consternation; for little as she liked Elliot, it was too shocking to
+see a son thus leave his father's roof.
+
+"It is a pretty piece of work," said Lionel. "He has been coming it a
+little too strong for my father, it seems! Well, poor Caroline will be
+let alone, that is one good thing; but I am afraid he will go and get
+into some tremendous scrape, if it is only for the sake of spiting my
+father."
+
+"It is very dreadful!" said Marian, sighing.
+
+"I am very glad my father was so angry, though!" said Lionel. "Wanting
+him to drive poor Caroline into it by unkindness! That was a little too
+bad!"
+
+"Yes, indeed," said Marian. "But O! here he comes out of the door with
+his cigar. He is getting in! There he goes! O, Lionel!"
+
+They both were silent for some little time. Then Marian took up the
+prayer-book, and began the Psalm, and when she heard Lionel's voice
+join in the Doxology, a thrill came home to her, making her feel that
+blindness might yet be indeed the blessing to him that faith taught her
+to know it must be. How much better to be thus than like his brother.
+
+When they met the others at breakfast, it proved that they alone knew of
+the departure; Mr. Lyddell interrogated Elliot's servant, and heard from
+him that he had orders to follow his master to Paris as soon as he had
+packed up his goods. This was all that could be learnt, and all that
+Marian could make out as to what had passed, was that he had been
+strongly averse to Caroline's engagement being broken off, that he
+had tried to induce his father to insist upon it, and to drive her to
+overcome her reluctance by what could be only understood as domestic
+persecution, and that in short he had allowed his unfeeling selfishness
+to appear to such a degree, that it had positively revolted his father,
+whose displeasure had long been excited by the extravagance that had
+been causing serious inconvenience, and who instantly, while under the
+influence of his first indignation, resolved to show that he would
+not be domineered over, nor sacrifice the rest of the family to the
+extravagance which he had already too freely supplied.
+
+Mr. Lyddell had given his consent while angry, and he could not retract
+it when he was cool. Caroline therefore might write her letter as soon
+as she pleased. She had nothing to dread from him; indeed, as if out of
+opposition to Elliot, he was kinder to her than he had ever been before,
+called her "my dear" more than once, and observed on her pale looks. Her
+mother spoke little to her, and that little was cold and unkind, while
+she looked so vexed and unhappy that even Marian had some feeling for
+her, and what must it have been for her own daughter? However, all open
+opposition was withdrawn, and Caroline had only herself to struggle
+with. There was no reason why she should not once more seek comfort from
+Marian, yet all that day she kept at a distance, and it was not till the
+next evening that she came into Marian's room, and sinking into a chair,
+murmured, "I have done it."
+
+"Written your letter?"
+
+"Sent it."
+
+"O, I am so glad!"
+
+"Glad?"
+
+"Yes, but you will be glad when it is over."
+
+"O!" sighed Caroline, incredulously. "You know nothing about it.
+Marian."
+
+"Every one must be glad to have done right," said Marian, firmly.
+
+"O what a week it has been! And I have sown dissension in the family!
+And no one can tell what may be the consequence with Elliot! And he will
+be unhappy! O! Marian--I wish--I wish you had let me go on my own way
+and be miserable alone," added she with a kind of anger.
+
+"It was your own doing," said Marian gently; "you felt it to be right.
+Only worse misery could come of your going on, for that would have been
+positive wrong; now it must and will get better."
+
+"I don't know," sighed Caroline. "I never knew till now how much I cared
+for him! O, Marian!" and she burst into a hearty fit of crying.
+
+Marian was perplexed, as she always was when any one cried, and stood
+without a word till Caroline had relieved herself by tears, and began to
+speak again. It was very sad and melancholy, and it was very difficult
+to find anything to answer; Marian could see no consolation but that
+"it was right," and that did not seem to have much effect on Caroline;
+while, added to the former trouble of renouncing the man who loved her,
+and of grieving her parents, there was the dread of what Elliot might do
+in his anger.
+
+However, the being able to pour everything out to so true a friend was
+more of a comfort than anything that, could have been said to her. She
+told Marian that she had gone through the conversations with her father
+and mother better than she could have thought possible. She could not
+desert poor Walter, that was one thing that helped her, she must stand
+by him, and papa was not half so angry as she expected. It seemed as if
+her strength had grown with each occasion for it. The first effort of
+writing to Walter had cost her most of all, then the allowing him to
+break the matter to her father had been dreadful; but after all, the
+conferences with her parents, singly and together, had not been as bad
+as the fear of them, and Marian tried to persuade her that it would be
+the same when she saw Mr. Faulkner, but poor Caroline shook her head,
+and said Marian knew nothing about it. And Marian was much of the same
+opinion, and held her peace, but before the end of the conversation she
+had the great pleasure of hearing Caroline say, "The thought of being
+able to have you again has been the one great help to me through all!"
+
+Two days after this, as Marian and Lionel were going out riding
+together, Marian exclaimed, "I do believe that is Mr. Faulkner!"
+
+"Where?"
+
+"Riding on the Salisbury road," said Marian; "I am sure it is his
+horse."
+
+"Don't let us meet him! can't we get out of the way?" said Lionel.
+"Aren't we somewhere near the thorny lane?"
+
+"No, but we might ride off on the Down. Only take care, Lionel; you had
+better keep close to me," said Marian, much more unwilling to meet Mr.
+Faulkner than to conduct Lionel through the ups and downs of the green,
+chalky common.
+
+She watched and guided his pony up the bank and upon the Down, and on
+they trotted fast, for Marian was actuated by a very undignified fit
+of terror lest she should meet Mr. Faulkner, towards whom she felt
+positively guilty, nor did she wish to be seen fleeing from him.
+
+"We must be out of sight of the road by this time, aren't we?" said
+Lionel.
+
+"I don't know," Marian turned her head to see. At that moment Lionel's
+pony stepped into a hole, stumbled, and when she looked back again,
+there was Lionel on the ground. Her head swam with fear, but the next
+moment Lionel was on his feet and laughing.
+
+"Not hurt, Lionel! are you sure?"
+
+"Not a bit! Is that Sorrel?"
+
+Sorrel was rushing off with his bridle loose, and Marian began to dread
+having Mr. Faulkner's assistance in catching him. "Stand still, Lionel!"
+she called, and then riding between Sorrel and the road, she managed to
+turn him towards a long hedge that crossed the Down, saw him stop to eat
+a tuft of grass, made a grasp at his bridle, but failed, while he dashed
+off across the Down, happily not towards the road.
+
+She called to Lionel, told him of her ill success, and begged him not to
+move, while she again pursued the runaway, and a long dance he led her,
+far out of sight of Lionel. Once she had considerable hopes, when she
+came in sight of a shepherd boy, who stood in amaze at the lady in chase
+of the runaway steed, then came up with a run to cut off its course, but
+so awkwardly that the pony was still more frightened, and galloped off
+in another direction faster than ever! Poor Marian! However after full
+half an hour, she succeeded in hunting him into a narrow place between
+two fields, ending in a gate, caught safely hold of the rein, kept it
+fast, and at length led Sorrel back in triumph to the spot where poor
+Lionel stood still patiently. She called out to him as soon as she came
+near enough to make her voice heard, and he answered, and walked forward
+to meet the dark shapes, which were all that he could see.
+
+Marian feared that he would be very much mortified at having been
+obliged to remain thus helpless, while a girl was doing what he would
+have so much enjoyed, and she looked anxiously at his face, alas! she
+could look there now without his knowing it. It was disconsolate, but
+the look was not bitter. She held Sorrel while he mounted, and she then
+apologized for having been so long, and said she feared he had thought
+she had forgotten him. He made not much reply, did not even ask how she
+had managed to catch the pony. Marian conducted him safely into the road
+before she would speak again. He did, however, congratulate himself on
+not having been obliged to be beholden to Mr. Faulkner for catching
+the pony, as well as on Sorrel's not having gone home to tell the tale
+himself.
+
+"Yes, indeed, they would have been terribly frightened," said Marian.
+
+"Ay, and if they once knew of my tumble, they would never let us go out
+riding again."
+
+"But, Lionel, we must tell," said Marian.
+
+"Just like a girl!" grumbled Lionel. "Then there's an end of all our
+rides, and all the comfort that I have in life."
+
+"I don't know," said Marian. "At any rate I can't ride with you, I
+should not think it right, unless Mr. Lyddell knew of this fall. It is
+my concern and not yours, for it was all through my carelessness."
+
+"You go on just as if you were a child still," said Lionel, still cross.
+
+"Well, Lionel, I believe the only way is to manage ourselves as if we
+were children still."
+
+"All very fine," was Lionel's surly answer, and they rode on, while
+Marian was very unhappy. She blamed herself for having given way to a
+foolish fit of nervous bashfulness, which had led to what might have
+been a serious accident to her especial charge. It had further made a
+very unpleasant confession needful, and Lionel's vexation and irritation
+seemed to have overcome all his late improvement. The thought of what
+poor Caroline was going through was enough to stifle everything else,
+and Marian wondered at herself, as for a sort of unkindness, in having
+been so fully occupied as to have had no time for anxiety.
+
+Both had been very silent ever since Lionel's reply, until Marian asked
+him to strike his repeater. It was half-past five, and they turned
+homewards, taking a bye road so as to avoid meeting Mr. Faulkner. And
+now Lionel began to talk of Caroline, and wonder how she had sped. He
+seemed to throw off his own private troubles as he talked of hers, and
+his fit of petulance was melting fast away. At last he made up his mind
+to inquire how she had caught Sorrel, and was positively interested in
+the narration, laughing at the idea of the scrape they would have been
+in if Sorrel had made his way to the road, and Mr. Faulkner had caught
+him.
+
+He said no more about the confession, but it was evident that he had
+conquered his annoyance sooner than he had ever done before. Marian had
+not theorized on the matter, but if she had she could not have judged
+better, for Lionel was far better dealt with by being bold and
+uncompromising. It was very strange to have this concern of their own so
+much on their minds when Caroline's fate was at its crisis, yet perhaps
+it was good for Marian to be thus occupied, since she was apt to suffer
+very much from anxiety, as persons of her calm and reserved demeanour
+often do. A sickening, throbbing, trembling feeling came over her,
+making her temples beat and her hands cold, as she came into the house,
+expecting to hear whether Caroline had endured and been true to herself,
+and it was well she had not had longer to suffer from it.
+
+No one was in the drawing-room, and she ran as fast as her trembling
+knees would allow to Caroline's room, knocked, received no answer,
+opened the door, and saw Caroline stretched out on her bed, in a state
+best described by the French word _anéantissement_, for it was not
+fainting, but the sort of prostration consequent on the completion of an
+effort for which she had wound herself up. She was very pale, her eyes
+were shut, and her breath came short. Marian stood watching her in
+alarm, wondering whether to speak, and how. At last Caroline looked up,
+held out her hand, and drew Marian down on her knees till her face was
+level with hers, then put her arm round her neck.
+
+"Dear Caroline!" said Marian, though it was not easy to say anything,
+"you will be happier now."
+
+A more caressing person would have been much more at ease herself and
+given more comfort to Caroline, that must be confessed, but as there was
+no one else to be had, Marian was obliged to do her best, and this was
+to kiss Caroline timidly and say, "I am so glad you have done right."
+
+But Caroline only hid her face at the word _glad_ and murmured, "You
+never did him justice! You never did!"
+
+"If it had not been for the want of that one thing he would have been
+all right," said Marian.
+
+"O, he is very noble! he has such a mind! such--such--O, he loved me so
+much," and Caroline fell into a paroxysm of silent misery. Marian began
+to dread lest the parting had not been final, and though doubtful
+whether she ought to ask, could not help saying, "But is it over?"
+
+"Yes, yes; you have your wish, Marian. It is done! He is angry with me
+now! It is over, and I am wretched for life!"
+
+"Not so wretched as if you had done wrong." said Marian. Caroline did
+not turn away this time, and Marian gathered courage to say, "You have
+persevered, and now there will be comfort. There will always be comfort
+in knowing you have tried to do right. Walter will be so glad, and so
+will Lionel."
+
+"Lionel," repeated Caroline.
+
+"Yes, he has been very anxious about you."
+
+"Poor boy!" sighed Caroline. "Well, Marian, there is one thing still to
+be done. Only one, and it is all that I shall live for. I shall devote
+myself to him, if I can but do anything to please him, and make him care
+for me when you are gone. It will be my one object."
+
+"Yes," said Marian, "it will be very good for you both."
+
+They were interrupted by Clara, who came in, dressed for dinner, pitying
+Caroline, and telling Marian it was very late. Caroline sat up, but she
+had a violent nervous headache, and they both persuaded her to lie down
+again.
+
+Marian ran off to dress, and though the dinner-bell rang in the midst
+of her hurried toilette, came back to look at Caroline, beg her to keep
+quiet, and promise to come up as soon as dinner was over. As she went
+down, the other trouble of having to confess their adventure came over
+her, but she was resolute, in spite of the want of favour with which she
+knew she was regarded.
+
+Want of favour, evident from the scrupulous formality with which she was
+treated; for if she had been like a daughter of the house, as she ought
+to have been, would they have waited dinner for her, and let her find
+them all looking uncomfortable and expectant in the drawing-room? They
+went into the dining-room; there was a silent, formal dinner, nothing
+like a family party. As soon as the servants had left the room. Marian
+quailing secretly, not from fear of Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell, but lest
+Lionel should lose his rides, began, "I have a confession to make, Mr.
+Lyddell," and told the story of the accident, explaining how it was
+entirely caused by her carelessness.
+
+Exclamations and inquiries arose, and Mrs. Lyddell certified herself by
+several questions that Lionel had not been hurt, but not one of them was
+addressed to Marian. It was as if this was only one among many injuries,
+too frequent for a reproach more or less to be needed. Mr. Lyddell did
+not take it half so much to heart, and no prohibition against future
+rides was issued, for the truth was that no one liked to mortify Lionel.
+It was exactly one of the cases in which the whole danger is not
+conquered, because it melts at the very aspect of moral courage.
+
+It was not comfortable to have to walk away to Caroline, knowing how
+much she had displeased Mrs. Lyddell; but it must be done, and it was,
+at least, agreeable to leave these cold looks. She found Caroline
+better, and able to tell her something of what had passed. At first Mr.
+Faulkner would not believe her to be in earnest, and had imagined this
+was a way of showing her displeasure at his long absence, or some
+trifling "lovers' quarrel;" but when he found that she really meant
+what she said, and her tears and stifled whispers alike announced her
+adherence to what she had expressed in her letter, he became extremely
+angry, thought himself, (as indeed he might with some justice) very
+ill-used, and though he had retained his gentlemanlike manner and
+language, had pretty plainly expressed that Miss Lyddell should have
+known her own mind. Poor Caroline wept bitterly, beseeching that they
+might not part in anger, but he disavowed all irritation, and took a
+cold, courteous leave, which wounded her more than all.
+
+Marian could not easily sympathise with regrets for such a lover, but
+she liked to magnify the sacrifice in order to admire it more, and
+greatly rejoiced in being able to give full admiration to one whom she
+had learnt to love so heartily as Caroline. Such a triumph over natural
+timidity and feebleness of character was indeed a great and gallant
+thing, and Marian used to muse and wonder at it in her solitary hours.
+There was still much to suffer externally as well as internally; there
+was the return of letters and presents, with all their associations;
+there was the feeling of the pain and offence given to Lady Julia and
+her daughters; there was the perception of the opinions of the world,
+and the certainty that all the gossips of the neighbourhood were busy
+with their conjectures; there was the continued anxiety about Elliot,
+and the marked vexation and displeasure of Mrs. Lyddell, who treated
+Caroline as one who had disappointed all her best hopes.
+
+Under all this there was only Marian to sustain Caroline, and their
+friendship was an additional offence. Marian knew that Mrs. Lyddell
+regarded her as the head of a hostile party, and a sower of dissension
+in the family, by no means an agreeable footing on which to stand; but
+the only way, was to appear completely unconscious, and behave as far as
+possible as usual. She was grateful to them for making it no worse, and
+still more for not having objected to her continuing her rides with
+Lionel, from whom, it may well be believed, she scarcely ever took her
+eyes, from the time his foot was in the stirrup.
+
+Lionel was triumphant at the dismissal of "Julian the apostate," but he
+was disappointed to find that Caroline did not recover her spirits "now
+she had had her own way, and got rid of the man." He did not like to
+have her presence announced by a sigh, and to hear the subdued, dejected
+tone of her voice, and he used to wonder over it with Marian, who
+laughed at him for fancying it was such an easy matter to part with a
+lover, yet agreed that it was hard to understand how there could be love
+where there was no esteem. Lionel used to consult her as to what was to
+be done to cheer his sister, since his mother would only make everything
+worse and he could not bear her continued melancholy.
+
+"I do believe, Lionel," said Marian, "that you could do more for her
+than any body else. If you would but sometimes let her do things for
+you, ask her to help you, as--as you ask me."
+
+Lionel would not take the suggestion as she wished. "I thought you liked
+to help me," said he, in a somewhat offended tone.
+
+"O, don't I?" cried Marian, eagerly; "but so does every one, if you
+would only allow them."
+
+Lionel flourished the little switch in his hand till it made an
+ill-tempered "_swish!_" and Marian knew that he thought her ungrateful
+for the exclusive preference with which he honoured her.
+
+"She is your sister," she added.
+
+"Very well," said Lionel, crossly shaking off her arm, "I shall know
+what to be at, if you are tired of helping me."
+
+He could not see the tears in her eyes, and though she was extremely
+grieved, her voice did not betray how strong her feeling was. "Tired!
+O Lionel, how can you think it? But would it not be better to learn to
+depend less on me against I go away?"
+
+"Ay, and glad enough you'll be to go."
+
+"For all but your sake and poor Caroline's," said Marian. "Mrs. Lyddell
+does not like to have me here."
+
+"It would not be fair to want to keep you," said Lionel, "but----"
+
+"I should have much more comfort in going if I thought you and Caroline
+were helping each other," said Marian. "I know she wants to make you her
+first object."
+
+Lionel made no answer nor any change in his ways for some days, yet
+sometimes it seemed, as if when he thought of it, he was more willing
+to allow Caroline to do him some of the small services which his fast
+increasing blindness rendered necessary. Caroline being more dexterous
+and neat-handed than Marian, did them well, and then Marian was vexed
+with herself for a few feelings like annoyance at not being equally
+necessary to Lionel, but she persevered, encouraged by seeing the
+comfort that each approach on his part seemed to give his sister. It was
+the hardest thing Marian had ever had to do, to give up the being first
+with him, as she must cease to be when the natural affection of the
+brother and sister was called into play. But it was right, and she would
+bear it. She thought it right as well as very pleasant to accept an
+invitation from the Wortleys to come and spend the Christmas holidays
+with them, joining her brother on the railroad, and meeting Edmund at
+Fern Torr. The repose would be beyond everything delightful, and no less
+so, the being in a house where her presence was welcome to every member
+of the family. Besides, she longed to see and to talk to Agnes, and the
+more she thought of her promised visit the more she enjoyed it.
+
+Caroline and Lionel both were very sorry to part with her, and jointly
+and separately lamented her going; but Caroline blamed herself for
+selfishness in wishing to keep her, and perceived that it would be a
+good thing that her brother should begin to be weaned from his sole
+dependance upon her, while Lionel seemed half afraid to trust her to
+depart, lest she should never return, and insisted on half a dozen
+promises that she would come back at the end of Gerald's holidays.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+  "They made a famous procession
+  My good little women and men;
+  Such a sight was never seen before
+  And never will again."
+
+  SOUTHEY.
+
+
+A division of a first-class carriage, occupied only by Gerald, received
+Marian at the station, and first she had to be shown the hat, cloak, and
+umbrella with which he had constructed an effigy, which, as he firmly
+believed, had frightened away all who had thought of taking a seat in
+it.
+
+"Thinking you a mad monkey, and that your keeper," said Marian, looking
+proudly at the handsome face and dancing black eyes of her beautiful
+brother. "Why! how you are grown, Gerald! Do stand up, and let me see if
+you are not taller than I am."
+
+"No, not quite so tall, unless it is your bonnet," said Gerald, after
+craning up his neck in vain.
+
+"At any rate, you are taller than Lionel. He only comes up to my ear,"
+said Marian.
+
+"Poor Lionel! How are his eyes?"
+
+"O Gerald, it is very sad. He has very little sight left. I believe he
+finds his way about quite by feeling now. It has grown worse so much
+faster in these last three weeks."
+
+"Poor fellow! What can he do all day?"
+
+A long description followed, and then Gerald wanted to hear all about
+Caroline, and what Marian thought fit to tell him, together with his
+comments, lasted till, in spite of his effigy, a lady made an entrance,
+and for some time Gerald was reduced to silence, and as he sat on the
+same side, to making horrible sidelong scowls at her, out of her sight,
+which sorely tried his sister's propriety of countenance.
+
+The tongues of two such happy people could not long, however, continue
+tied, and presently Gerald rattled off into a history of his sporting
+adventures in Scotland, as if he would detail every shot. The narration
+was endless, and very tiresome it would have been to any woman but a
+sister, and a sister who had so much of the hunter spirit in her as
+Marian; but she listened and sympathised with all her heart and soul,
+and understood why such a shot was a good one, and why such another
+failed, and was absorbed in the interest of the attempt to recover a
+wounded bird when the retriever was stupid, long after the intruder had
+made her exit, and they might have returned to matters touching her more
+closely, though regarded by Gerald as hardly equal in importance to roe
+deer, salmon, and grouse.
+
+They were on Devonshire ground before they ever began to rejoice over
+Edmund's engagement, and from thence to talk of Edmund himself. Gerald
+pronounced many an eulogium on him, in which praises of his excellence
+as a fisherman and sportsman were strangely mixed with a real genuine
+appreciation of his goodness and superiority.
+
+"'Tis a capital thing that he is come home to stay," said Gerald,
+heartily.
+
+"Isn't it?"
+
+"I like him specially," said Gerald. "Do you know he showed me some of
+my father's letters."
+
+"Did he indeed?"
+
+"That he did. It was before I was born, when he thought he was going to
+have Fern Torr and all, he had rather an idle fit, and these were what
+papa wrote to him."
+
+"Was Edmund ever idle?" exclaimed Marian, falling into a reverie of
+wonder whether this did not make it more hopeful for Gerald.
+
+"I am very glad he has got this money," proceeded Gerald. "I only wish
+it was more. One letter he showed me that was best of all. It was from
+my father when I was born. You can't think what a nice letter it was.
+There was something about its being a disappointment to him--to Edmund,
+I mean, but how papa cared for him as much as ever, and thought after
+all it might be better for him in the end. And then, Marian, papa said
+he could hardly expect to live till I was grown up, and he asked Edmund
+to be my godfather, and said he trusted to him to be like an elder
+brother to us."
+
+"That he is!" murmured Marian.
+
+"Edmund said he wished me to read it that I might not think him
+interfering."
+
+"You never could have thought so!"
+
+"I don't know. I could not have stood it from some people, but I could
+see the sense of what Edmund said."
+
+Without entering into particulars, Gerald was now all freedom and
+openness, casting quite away the restraint that had so long grieved his
+sister. How happy she was!
+
+Mr. Wortley himself met them at Exeter, and in spite of the early
+darkness of the winter day, Charles and James met them at the foot of
+Blackstone hill, and Edmund and Agnes were a little further on.
+
+What a happy greeting it was! Marian and Gerald would jump out and walk
+home with them, the boys ran and called in the dark, the stars came out
+overhead, the tall hedges kept out all the glimmering light, splashes
+alone made them aware of the puddles; but on the happy party tramped,
+all talking an unmitigated flow of merry nonsense, laughing and enjoying
+it, all the more the darker and stranger it grew, and merrier than all,
+when they got home, at Mrs. Wortley's dismay at their having dragged
+Marian a mile and a half, in the dark and dirt, after her long journey.
+"Pretty guardians to have the care of her!"
+
+All the evening again there was nothing but fun and joyousness, fun of
+the brightest, happiest kind, positively wild in the three boys, and
+Edmund not much less so, the girls weary with laughing, and contributing
+their share to the sport. A person must have lived like Marian, pent up
+by formalities and the certainty of being disliked, to know what was
+the enjoyment of the perfect liberty and absence from constraint, the
+thorough home-like feeling of every one loving and understanding each
+other, which existed at Fern Torr. How delightful it was to have no
+heart achings for Gerald, to see Edmund just like his old self, and the
+dear Agnes, so very lovely and bright! so very unlike her only former
+experience of betrothed lovers. It was no small happiness to the Fern
+Torr party to have one so prized and loved as Marian to rejoice with
+them, indeed, all this evening every one was too joyous to dwell on any
+of the causes of their felicity, it was nothing but high spirits, and
+unreflective mirth.
+
+When they had bidden each other good night, and were gone up stairs,
+there was more of gravity and thought. Marian and Agnes could have sat
+up talking half the night, if Mrs. Wortley would have allowed them, but
+she said Marian must have time to rest, and ruthlessly condemned her to
+bed.
+
+Never did Marian spend so happy a Christmas. There was plenty of depth
+and earnestness in her _tête-à-têtes_ with Agnes, when they talked
+over the wonders that had happened to them both, and always ended by
+returning to recollections of happy old days before Marian left
+Fern Torr, when Edmund had been the prime mover of every delightful
+adventure. Marian was as good as a sister to each of the lovers, so
+heartily did she help each one to admire the other. Or when they were
+"lovering," as the boys chose to call their interminable wanderings in
+the manor gardens, Marian used to be extremely happy with Mrs. Wortley,
+talking over the history of the engagement, and settling how and when
+the love began. Mr. Wortley suggested that the first attraction had been
+Agnes' unmitigated horror of the Lyddells, which he declared had won Mr.
+Arundel's heart, though he never owned how much he participated in it.
+It needs not to be stated how Edmund's noble behaviour was appreciated,
+more especially after the new lights which Marian was able to throw upon
+it.
+
+Then came the discussion of the plans for the house which Edmund was to
+build, on a farm, which had come into the market at the very nick of
+time, just on the other side of the hill, and in Fern Torr parish.
+Marian and Gerald were taken the first day to look and advise whether
+the new house should be on the old site, or under the shelter of a great
+old slate quarry, crested with a wood, a beautiful view spread before
+it, and capacities for making the loveliest garden that was ever seen.
+
+Edmund sketched house and garden in every possible point of view, each
+prettier than the other, and all the young gave their voices eagerly for
+the quarry, while the old protested on the difficulty of getting so far
+up the hill, and suggested damp. But the young carried the day, and the
+plans were drawn and debated on a dozen times in twenty-four hours,
+always including the prettiest of little sitting-rooms for Marian, with
+a window opening into the garden, and a door into the drawing-room, and
+then came letters to architects and calculations with builders, and
+reckonings that the house should be habitable by next September, and Mr.
+Wortley laughing at their credulity for expecting it.
+
+Marian was surprised to find how far away and secondary seemed the
+thoughts that had of late engrossed her entirely. She wondered to
+discover how little her mind had been occupied with Caroline and Lionel,
+fond as she was of them and very anxious about them. This was so very
+different a world! and she felt so much more as if she belonged to it.
+She obtained from Agnes some admiration for Caroline's conduct, though
+in somewhat of the "better late than never" style, and at the price of
+warm abuse of the parents, in which Marian was not indisposed to join.
+
+Caroline wrote nearly every day, saying that she missed Marian
+dreadfully, and that her letters were the only comfort she had; she
+would not wish her back again, for that would be selfish, but it would
+be a joyful day when she returned. These constant letters, which Marian
+always kept to herself, rather surprised the Wortleys, but Edmund could
+better guess at her position. "Depend upon it," he said to Agnes, "it is
+she who has saved Miss Lyddell."
+
+"O, Edmund! do you think so? I wanted to have thought so, but she says
+it was the brother."
+
+"He took the steps which would not have become Marian, but Walter
+Lyddell could never have moved without his sister, and where could she
+have found the principle but in Marian? I see now that her perseverance
+in right is beginning to tell on those around her, in spite of all
+untoward circumstances."
+
+"I don't know anything like Marian!" said Agnes. "How very fine her
+countenance is!"
+
+"That steadfast brow and lip."
+
+"I saw her yesterday standing on the edge of a rock looking out on the
+view, and she was like some statue of Fortitude."
+
+"Yes, Marian is a grand creature," said Edmund; "so strong and firm, yet
+with such feminine, retiring strength. There are still prejudices
+and little roughnesses, but I doubt whether they have not been her
+safeguard, outworks to secure the building, and I think they are
+disappearing with the occasion."
+
+"Ah! papa and mamma think her very much softened down."
+
+"She has had a very hard part to act, and her shyness and rigidity have
+been great helps to her, but I am glad to see them wearing away, and
+especially pleasant it is to see her expand and show her true self
+here."
+
+"And to know she may soon be free of them all for ever!" said Agnes.
+
+The time when Marian was to be free of them for ever, as Agnes said,
+was to be the next summer. Edmund and Agnes were to be married in July,
+Marian would then come to Fern Torr, and comfort Mrs. Wortley for losing
+her daughter, till the holidays began, when Edmund and Agnes would
+return, and some undefined scheme of delight was to be settled on for
+Gerald's holidays, until the house should be ready. Gerald was in the
+meantime very agreeable and satisfactory on the whole. He was too busy
+drawing varieties of stables for Edmund, to talk about his own, and
+marvellous were the portraits of the inhabitants with which he would
+decorate Edmund's elevations, whenever he found them straying about
+the room. Very mischievous indeed was the young gentleman, and Marian
+considered him to have been "a great deal too bad" when on a neat,
+finished plan, just prepared to be sent to the builder, she found
+unmistakeable likenesses of the whole Wortley family, herself and
+Gerald, assembled round a great bowl of punch, large enough to drown
+them all, drinking to the health of Edmund and Agnes, who were riding in
+at the gate, pillion fashion, supposed to be returning after the honey
+moon, which in one corner of the picture was represented in a most
+waning state, but the man in the moon squinting down at them with a
+peculiarly benignant expression of countenance.
+
+Marian was very angry, but Edmund and Agnes would do nothing but laugh,
+though the whole plan had to be drawn over again, and Edmund was kept at
+work with ruler, scale, and compasses the whole evening, Marian scolding
+Gerald all the time, and Edmund too, for spoiling him, thinking her
+cousin the most heroically good natured and good tempered man in the
+world to bear with such an idle monkey, and laugh at the waste of time
+and trouble; and getting at last a glimmering perception that these
+tricks, thus met, were the greatest proof of good understanding and
+friendship. It ended in Gerald's inking in the plan, of his own free
+will, and very neatly, and getting up at six, the next morning, to ride
+to Exeter, in the dark cold misty December twilight, to take it to the
+builder, that no time might be lost; indeed, as he boasted, it was there
+a quarter of an hour before it would have come by post, as it would have
+done had it gone yesterday.
+
+Gerald's studies were not extensive, but Edmund, by some magic secret,
+unknown to Marian, made him read history to himself for a short space
+every morning. The sporting paper had disappeared, and nothing was heard
+of Elliot or of Queen Pomare, while though he could not yet go the
+length of talking to the poor people himself, he stood by very civilly
+while Edmund talked to them.
+
+The first ten days of Marian's stay had thus passed, when Caroline one
+day mentioned in her letter that mamma had a regularly bad influenza
+cold, and was quite laid up. It was aggravated, Caroline said, by the
+distress they were all in about Elliot. "But you will hear enough of
+this when you come back," wrote she, "so I will not grieve you with
+it now; though it is an additional load upon my mind--an additional
+offence, I fear, in poor mamma's eyes, since all this would not have
+come to light had I persisted. But you must not think I am repenting,
+for I never was further from regretting what I have done. The different
+spirit in which I could come to this Christmas feast, is a blessing to
+be purchased at any price, even at such wretchedness as it has been this
+autumn; and most earnestly do I thank you, dearest Marian. I can thank
+you by letter, though we never can speak of such things. Yes, I thank
+you. I regret nothing but my previous folly and weakness, and bitterly
+do I suffer for them; though all is better now, and Christmas has
+brought me peace and calm. It is as if the storm was lulled at last, and
+nothing left but dreariness, and the longing to be at rest. How bright
+the world was before me not a year ago! and now how worn out it
+seems,--only three comforts left in it, you, and Walter, and poor
+Lionel. For Lionel is a comfort; he is very kind and considerate, and, I
+do believe, softens mamma towards me. I suppose it is best for us that
+our hearts should have no home but one above; and if I was sure it was
+not disgust and disappointment, I should hope I was seeking one there;
+for I know the only feeling of rest and refreshment is in turning
+thither, and surely that must come from the FATHER, Who is ready to
+receive me. But I must leave off, for mamma is too unwell to be long
+left.
+
+"Your most affectionate
+
+"CAROLINE LYDDELL."
+
+
+After this, the letters, hitherto constant, ceased entirely, and Marian
+grew very uneasy. Her mother had died of influenza, so that the name
+gave her a fatal impression; and she dreaded to hear that Mrs. Lyddell
+was very ill, or that Caroline was ill herself. Another week, and at
+length she heard from Clara, in answer to a letter of inquiry, and to
+fix the day of her return.
+
+
+  "Oakworthy, Jan. 7th.
+
+  "MY DEAR MARIAN,--Caroline desires me to write to
+  tell you, with her love, that she has this horrid influenza, and
+  has been in bed since Monday. She is very feverish, and
+  her throat so sore that she can hardly speak or swallow.
+  Sarah sat up with her last night, and I think she is a little
+  better this morning. Mamma is better, but only gets up for
+  a little while in the evening, and cannot leave her room. I
+  wish you were at home, for I don't know what to do: I am
+  running backwards and forwards between the two rooms all
+  day, and poor Lionel is so forlorn and solitary down stairs,
+  with only papa. There!--that great blot was a tear, for I
+  am so worn out with fatigue and nursing, that I am almost
+  overcome. This winter I was to have come out,--how very
+  different! I forgot to tell you, after all, that the carriage
+  shall meet you, as you mention, on the 15th. I wish it was
+  directly; they will be all well by the time you come. But
+  it is so very forlorn, and I am so nervous; so excuse this
+  scrawl.
+
+  "Your affectionate cousin,
+
+  "CLARA LYDDELL."
+
+As soon as Marian read this letter, she gave it to Edmund, saying, "I
+think I had better go home."
+
+"O, Marian, you must not cheat us!" cried Agnes.
+
+"I think they would be very glad of you," said Edmund, and withal
+Marian's mind was made up, and she withstood all the persuasions
+of Gerald and Agnes that it was nothing--nonsense--only Clara's
+dismality--they would laugh at her for coming for nothing. No; Marian
+knew she was no nurse, but she could not bear to think of Lionel left to
+his blindness and helplessness, still less of Caroline, ill, and with no
+one to cheer her. She was sure she was wanted by those two at least, and
+she resolved that she would be at Oakworthy to-morrow evening, wrote
+notice of her intention to Clara, and prepared for her journey, giving
+up that precious last week, so prized because it was the last. She could
+go alone with her maid; there was no use in spoiling Gerald's holidays;
+so he would stay for all the delights that she gave up, ruining all by
+her absence, as every one declared.
+
+Agnes grumbled and scolded her to her face, but made up for it out of
+hearing, by admiring her more than ever. Mr. and Mrs. Wortley gave her
+silent approval, and the boys would not wish her a pleasant journey. She
+was ready early the next morning, and once more left Fern Torr, bright
+with the promise that, when she was there next, it would be no more a
+guest.
+
+She prosperously arrived at the station nearest Oakworthy, and soon saw
+the servant waiting for her. "Is Miss Lyddell better?"
+
+"A little better than last night, ma'am. Mr. Lionel is in the carriage."
+
+Marian had not at all expected any one to meet her, especially Lionel,
+coming all this distance in silence and darkness. She hastened to the
+carriage, and saw him leaning forward, listening for her. His face
+lighted up at her, "Well, Lionel," and he fairly hurt her, by the
+tightness of his grasp, when once he had met her hand. "So, you're come!
+What a time it has been since you went! Now you are come, I don't care."
+
+"And how are you?" she asked anxiously.
+
+"Bad enough to be going back to the oculist next week," he answered; "I
+can't even see the light."
+
+A long silence; then, "How is Caroline?"
+
+"Pretty much the same; it is a bad, feverish cold, and shocking throat.
+She breathes as if she was half stifled, and can hardly speak."
+
+"I suppose she has Mr. Wells?"
+
+"Yes, two or three times a day,"
+
+"And Mrs. Lyddell is better?"
+
+"Better, but not out of her room. It has been a tolerable state of
+things of late. Not a creature to speak to, except, now and then, Clara
+coming down to maunder and sigh over all she has to do, and my father,
+who has been thoroughly in a rage about Elliot. Do you know about all
+that, Marian?"
+
+"No," she answered.
+
+"It is out now, why he was so set upon Caroline's marriage, he had got
+Faulkner to back a bill for him; you don't know what that means, I
+suppose," said Lionel, with his old superior manner;--"made him engage
+that the money Elliot borrowed should be paid. There was to be some
+shuffle between them about her fortune it seems; so after the engagement
+was off, when the bill became due, Faulkner sent the holder of it to
+my father for the money and the news of this set on all the other
+creditors. No end of bills coming in, and he has been pretty nearly
+crazy among them; says we shall be beggars, and I don't know what all! I
+vow, it is my old plan coming right!" cried Lionel vehemently. "If the
+man in London can but set my eyes to rights, I'd be off to Australia
+to-morrow, instead of staying here to make all worse. Well, it's no use
+thinking of it: if ever I make my fortune now, it will be with a dog in
+a string, and a hat in his mouth."
+
+"But go on, Lionel; are the debts so very bad?"
+
+"I believe they are indeed, and no one knows the worst of them yet. No
+wonder Elliot was off to Paris in such a hurry, like a coward as he is,
+no one knows how he is ever to come back! And worst of all is to have
+mamma going about saying 'tis Caroline's fault! Hadn't I rather come to
+the hat and dog in good earnest than to see her marry that man? Why,
+Marian, he is actually engaged to Miss Dashwood! What do you say to
+that? To the Radical Dashwood's daughter that behaved so shamefully to
+papa!"
+
+"The daughter?"
+
+"No, the man. Fit company for the apostate, isn't it? He had better have
+begun with her. Fine love his must have been. Only six weeks. Should not
+that cure Caroline?"
+
+"Has she heard it?"
+
+"No, we have only known it since she was ill, and Clara thought she had
+better not tell her."
+
+"Very right of Clara," said Marian; "but I think she will be glad, when
+she is well enough to be told."
+
+Fast and eagerly did Marian and Lionel talk all the way, sometimes
+gravely and sorrowfully about Elliot and Caroline, sometimes cheerfully
+about Fern Torr, Edmund, and Gerald, of whom Lionel wanted much to hear.
+He clapped his hands, and danced himself up and down with ecstasy at the
+history of Gerald's embellishments of the plans, vowed that Gerald was a
+Trojan, and that it was as good as Beauty and the Beast, and seemed to
+be enjoying a perfect holiday in having some one to speak to again.
+"But," he said, "what a horrid bore it must have been to you to come
+away!"
+
+"I thought I might be some help to Clara."
+
+"Did she make you think Caroline so very ill? Mr. Wells says it is only
+a very bad cold. But I am very glad you are come."
+
+Clara met Marian in the hall. "O Marian, I am glad you are come, but
+I am sorry you came home in such a hurry. Mamma says there was no
+occasion, and that I need not have frightened you, for it is only a bad
+attack of influenza."
+
+"Then I hope Caroline Is better."
+
+"Yes, rather, and she will be so glad to see you. Come to her at once,
+won't you? she heard the carriage, and is watching for you."
+
+Marian hastily followed Clara to Caroline's room. In a few seconds both
+Caroline's arms were thrown round her neck, and a burning feverish face
+pressed to hers, then as she raised herself again, one of her hands
+still held fast, and Caroline lay looking up to her with an expression
+of relief and comfort. "Thank you," she murmured, in a hoarse low
+painful whisper, the sound of which gave an impression of dismay to
+Marian. Caroline was far worse than she had been prepared to sec her.
+That loud, oppressed, gasping breathing, the burning fever of hands and
+cheek, the parched lips,--this was far more than ordinary influenza.
+Marian stood watching her a little while; speaking now and then, until
+she closed her eyes in weariness, not for sleep, when she was about to
+leave the room, but Caroline looked up again anxiously and restlessly,
+and tried to say, "Come back."
+
+"Yes, I'll come in a moment," said Marian, "I'll only just take off my
+bonnet, and go and see Mrs. Lyddell, if I may."
+
+"O, yes, she is up, she knows you are come," said Clara, and Marian was
+presently knocking at Mrs. Lyddell's door.
+
+She found her sitting by the fire in a large easy chair, in her
+dressing-gown and shawl, and was surprised at the first sight of her
+too, for that very weakening complaint, the influenza, had made a great
+change in her, perhaps assisted by all that she had gone through during
+the last summer and autumn, beginning with the parting with John, the
+grief and anxiety for Lionel, the disappointment and warfare with
+Caroline, and worse than all, the discoveries respecting her eldest and
+favourite son. She looked a dozen years older, all the clearness of her
+complexion was gone, and the colouring that remained, as if ingrained,
+was worse than paleness; her hand shook with weakness, and the only
+trace of her prompt, decided activity was in the nervous agitation of
+her movements, and the querulous sharpness of her tones, as if her
+weakness was irritating to her.
+
+"Marian, how are you? I am sorry you have cut short your visit to
+come back to a sick house. I am afraid Clara has been alarming you
+needlessly."
+
+"I am very sorry to find you so unwell," said Marian; "I thought Clara
+would want some help."
+
+"Thank you, it was very kind," said Mrs. Lyddell, rather sharply, as if
+her thanks were only for form's sake. "Have you seen Caroline?"
+
+"Yes, and I am afraid she is very ill. Such a terrible oppression on her
+breath."
+
+"Ah! so Clara says. Mr. Wells has been applying mustard poultices."
+
+"Have you had no further advice?" said Marian.
+
+"No. He managed me very well; he is perfectly competent to attend an
+influenza such as this--a very simple affair."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was evidently under the unreasonable infatuation that so
+many people are subject to, who will go on trusting their favourite
+apothecary, in spite of proofs that he is not to be trusted; but Marian,
+in her short life, had heard a good deal of doctors, and whether
+reasonably or not, had imbibed a distrust of country practitioners,
+which Lionel's misfortune had not tended to remove in Mr. Wells' case.
+Indeed, she had a particular dislike to the man, with his soft manner,
+love of set speeches and fine words, and resolution not to own that
+anything was the matter. There were stories abroad in the neighbourhood
+of his treating cases wrongly because he would not own they were beyond
+his skill.
+
+"Mrs. Lyddell," said she, very earnestly, "I do believe that Caroline is
+very ill. I think her throat is in a very alarming state, and I should
+not be at all satisfied to go on with no further advice."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell made some answer about girls being easily frightened, and
+Marian went back to Caroline, very unhappy and anxious, and trying to
+find comfort by telling herself that the cure does not depend alone on
+the physician.
+
+However, the words she had spoken were not without effect. Mrs.
+Lyddell's answer had been prompted by her first impulse of dislike and
+opposition, as if Marian was taking still further upon her; but she
+became very anxious when left alone. She thought that Marian's fresh eye
+might be better able to judge of the degree of Caroline's illness; she
+remembered how she had reproached herself about Lionel, and at last
+worked herself into such a state of alarm and anxiety, that though she
+had not yet walked further than to the window, she rose, left her room,
+and presently was by her daughter's bed-side.
+
+There needed no more to convince her that Caroline was excessively ill,
+and quick and prompt as ever, her first measure was to send Clara for
+her father, and hold a consultation with him outside the door; a message
+was despatched to hasten Mr. Wells, and the result was that a physician
+was sent for. Marian, who had all this time been watching the severe
+suffering, unable to do the least thing to alleviate it, was almost as
+glad as if she had been told of Caroline's certain recovery. She had
+again to tell herself not to put her trust in physicians.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+  "Preach, read, and study as we will,
+  Death is the mighty teacher still."
+
+  _Baptistery_.
+
+
+Caroline continued very ill all the evening, hardly able to to look up,
+and every attempt to speak or swallow causing her great pain. Her mother
+would not leave her again, and sat watching her, and she smiled, and
+gave a pleased look of surprise at her kindness, which she had so long
+missed; but her chief comfort seemed to be in Marian's presence. She
+followed her about the room with her eyes, and was uneasy whenever she
+fancied that she was going out of the room.
+
+She was not told that the physician was coming till he was actually
+in the house, and then she gave Marian a quick, sharp look of alarmed
+inquiry; but Marian was not able to answer, as she had to leave her to
+his visit. When it was over, and Marian returned, while Mrs. Lyddell
+went to hear his opinion, Caroline was striving hard to speak. Marian
+bent over her, and at last heard one word gasped out--"Walter."
+
+"Yes, I will tell Mr. Lyddell; he shall be sent for, dearest," said
+Marian; and Caroline seemed satisfied.
+
+It was long before Marian had an opportunity of hearing what the
+physician's opinion had been, and there was little comfort in it. It was
+a very severe case of inflammation in the windpipe, and the only hope of
+subduing it was in instant recourse to strong remedies. How badly it
+was thought of she saw plainly enough, without words, in Mr. Lyddell's
+restless, hasty manner, and in the exertions which Mrs. Lyddell was
+allowed to make, at a time when she ought to have been in her bed. The
+worst sign of all was, it seemed to her, that as soon as she mentioned
+Caroline's wish to see Walter, Mr. Lyddell took measures for sending a
+letter at once by the railroad, instead of waiting for the post, which
+would have made a delay of two days.
+
+Lionel sat meanwhile, by himself in the drawing room, or was found
+wandering on the stairs, anxiously listening. Marian came on him once,
+and had exclaimed at finding him in the dark, before she remembered that
+it made no difference to him. She was in haste to fetch something
+for Caroline and could do nothing for him but say the sad words, "No
+better."
+
+All night Mrs. Lyddell and Marian stayed with Caroline; the one because
+she could not bear to go, the other because she could not be spared.
+Mrs. Lyddell would not acknowledge the extent of the danger to herself,
+far less allow any hint of it to come to Caroline; and for this Marian
+was sorry, though she was sure that Caroline was conscious of it
+herself; but with Mrs. Lyddell always present, it was impossible to read
+any of the things that would have been the only support at such a time.
+Poor Caroline could not speak to ask for them, and as if her mother
+feared they would bring death, she seemed to be watching Marian
+jealously to prevent the least approach to them.
+
+It was a terrible night; the applications did nothing but cause
+suffering, instead of removing the disorder,--the oppression grew more
+and more severe,--each breath more painful; the two watchers hardly
+dared to meet each other's eyes, and Caroline was in too much pain,
+too oppressed and overwhelmed, to give any token how far the mind and
+thought was awake within her. Such another day succeeded, every hour
+extinguishing some faint hope, and bringing the dread certainty more
+fully upon them. There was little or nothing to be done: they could only
+watch the sufferer, and try to glean her wishes from her looks; but
+these usually expressed more of pain than aught else, and no one could
+tell whether the ear and thought were free. One, at least, who sat
+beside her prayed fervently, and trusted in hope and love; holding fast
+by the certainty that Caroline had embraced the good part, and given up
+the allurements of the world, in health, for the sake of the treasure to
+which she was hastening. That last letter of her's was surely a proof
+that she was ready; and who could wish to detain that worn, harassed
+spirit from the repose where earthly cares shall "cease from troubling,
+and where the weary are at rest?" Yet how Marian loved and clung to her,
+and felt as if she could never bear to part, and lose the affection that
+had been so long kept off by her own repulsive demeanour, but that
+was so ardent and unreserved! How grievous to think of the blooming,
+life-like creature that she was so lately, now so suddenly cut down!
+
+Hour after hour went by, bringing no change for the better. Day had
+faded into twilight, and twilight became night. Midnight had come, and
+Marian was still sitting, as she had done for more than an hour, holding
+up the faint head; for Caroline could no longer breathe in a recumbent
+posture, and sat partly supported on pillows, partly resting on Marian's
+shoulder. Her eyes were shut, and she seemed unconscious; it might be
+that she slept, but the features were full of suffering, and Marian
+could feel each of her breaths, gasping and convulsive. Her mother hung
+over her, feeling her pulse, sometimes sitting, sometimes standing,
+or walking to the foot of the bed to speak to Mr. Lyddell, or to the
+apothecary, in the restless misery of despair. Mr. Lyddell came in and
+out, unable to bear the sight, yet unable to stay away. Clara had been
+too much overcome, and growing hysterical, had been sent away, and
+advised to go to bed. Lionel, too, had been sent to bed, but his room
+was in the same passage, and he lay with his door open, catching, with
+his quickened ears, at every sound in the sick room, and hearing each
+word of the hushed conferences that took place outside.
+
+A fresh tread was in the house--on the stairs--in the passage; Lionel's
+heart could not help bounding at it, as it came so softly along. It was
+the tread of the brother who, for his effort of courage and principle
+had been allowed to leave home like an exile, and treated as an
+offender. Lionel heard his father's step coming to meet him: how would
+they meet? He could hear the movement as their hands grasped together,
+and then Mr. Lyddell's smothered, choked whisper, "Only just in time,
+Walter! she won't know you. Come!"
+
+"Is it so?" said Walter, in a low tone, as of one extremely choked and
+overwhelmed.
+
+A sort of sob came before the answer, "Going fast."
+
+The steps moved on; Lionel could not stay where he was, dressed himself,
+and felt his way to the sick room. He heard the stifled breathings: he
+felt onward,--found he had hold of the bed-post, and leant against it,
+unheeded by all, so intently were all watching Caroline.
+
+"Speak to her," was the first thing he heard whispered by the doctor.
+
+"Caroline!" said Walter's trembling voice, "dear Caroline!"
+
+Poor Lionel could not see how, at the call, the dark blue eyes once more
+opened, and looked up in Walter's face; he only heard the steadier tone
+in which the brother said the ministerial words, "Peace be with this
+house!"
+
+The solemn calmness of the tone came gently and soothingly upon Lionel's
+ear; and withal there spread over Caroline's face a gleam of joy, and
+then a quiet stillness, as of a freedom from suffering. There was an
+interval--a gasp--another interval--another gasp--a pause--
+
+Marian's voice was the first, and very low and awe-struck. "It has been
+without a struggle."
+
+A slight cry from his mother, and a confused movement, as if they were
+lifting something--steps--he stood still, and the next moment felt
+Marian's hand on his arm. "Mrs. Lyddell has fainted," said she, in
+explanation; "Mr. Lyddell and Walter are taking her to her own room,"
+
+Lionel clasped Marian's hand very tight, and each felt how the other was
+trembling. "We must come away," said Marian; then hesitating, and with a
+quivering whisper, she said, "Would you like to kiss her?"
+
+"Yes, let me!"
+
+It was strange to guide the blind brother to kiss the white brow of the
+dead sister. Marian's throat was aching to such a degree with intense
+feeling, that she could hardly utter a word; but Lionel, who could not
+see, must hear. "She looks so calm, so sweet," said Marian struggling,
+"but I must go to your mother. Let me take you to your room; I'll send
+Walter to you. Lionel, Lionel, indeed she is happy!" said Marian,
+earnestly, while Lionel burst into a flood of tears, wholesome tears, as
+she led him from the room.
+
+She thought Walter would be the greatest comfort to him; and
+recollecting Mrs. Lyddell had no woman with her but her maid, she told
+Lionel she must go to his mother, ran down, and met Walter waiting in
+the dressing-room. "Is she recovering?"
+
+"A little."
+
+"Will you go to Lionel?"
+
+"This instant, but--" and he looked at her earnestly.
+
+"Yes, yes," said she hastily, "it is all right and beautiful. Here's her
+last letter; I've been reading it all day. Take it; you'll see how--"
+
+Marian's voice broke down, and she hastened to the open door of Mrs.
+Lyddell's room. There was something for her to do in attempting to
+restore her, for the maid was not helpful; and Mr. Lyddell stood at the
+foot of the bed, as if all his powers were paralysed. Mr. Wells wanted
+assistance; for Mrs. Lyddell, exhausted by watching and her previous
+weakness, was in so sinking and depressed a state, as to need the
+greatest care.
+
+Marian was employed in attending her till towards morning, when she sank
+into a sleep. "You had better go to bed," said Mr. Lyddell, very kindly,
+as Marian at length turned away from her, and stood by the fireside,
+where he was sitting in the arm-chair, his hands over his forehead "I
+must not let you overwork yourself."
+
+"O, I am not tired, if I can be of any use."
+
+"No, no, rest now, thank you," said he, in a broken, dejected tone.
+
+She went, and again found Walter in the outer room, watching for tidings
+of his mother. "Asleep," she said. "Lionel?"
+
+"Asleep too, I hope. You are going to bed?"
+
+"Yes, thank you; but Clara--"
+
+"I will go to Clara the first thing in the morning. I shall sit up on my
+father's account. Don't you think of it,--sleep as long as you can; you
+have had watching enough."
+
+"I have been so glad," Marian said, in a tear-stilled whisper.
+
+"You cannot tell how I have longed to thank you, Marian, for what you
+have been to her:" said Walter, speaking from the fulness of heart,
+which overcame his natural reserve and bashfulness. "You are thanked
+enough by our present feelings on the subject,--by that letter:--may I
+keep it a little longer?"
+
+"O yes, yes!" cried Marian, hastily, disclaiming in her heart all his
+thanks, though unable to do so with her lips.
+
+"It takes away all regret for the briefness of the illness," added
+Walter, as if the speaking of it was a satisfaction he could hardly
+relinquish.
+
+"I am sure she thought much; no one can tell what passed," said Marian,
+in a low, broken murmur.
+
+"Little did I think last summer--" said Walter, aloud to himself. "Yes,
+this is best, far best, if one could but feel it so!"
+
+Marian thought the same, and, like him, could not feel it; but unable to
+express herself, she simply said, as soon as her tears would let her,
+"Good-night," and went up to her own room.
+
+Fatigue came on her now. When she took off the dress she had worn since
+leaving Fern Torr, she found her limbs stiff and aching, and her head
+dizzy with weariness. She could hardly get through the operation of
+undressing; and when she tried to say her prayers, they would not come.
+She could only go through the LORD'S Prayer; and too worn out to be
+shocked at herself more than in a dull way, scarcely even alive to the
+recollection of what had happened, she laid herself down on the bed,
+which seemed strangely soft, but for a long time was too tired to sleep.
+With confused thoughts and exhausted spirits, she kept on feeling as
+if her aching limbs belonged to somebody else, and going off into odd,
+dreamy vagaries, each more uncomfortable than the last,--ever and anon
+waking into a moment's remembrance that Caroline was dead, wondering at
+herself for being so dull as only to think it strange, then losing the
+consciousness again. At last the light of morning made her perceptions
+clearer. Fanny knocked at her door, and brought her a cup of tea.
+She heard that all was quiet,--said she would get up; but with that
+resolution she suddenly became more easy, and while believing she was
+getting up, fell into a sound sleep.
+
+She awoke refreshed, and entirely herself again, though feeling stunned
+and bewildered by the all-pervading thought. Caroline dead! It seemed
+as if it was not otherwise with the rest of the family. Her illness had
+been so short, that there had been no time to grow familiar with the
+idea of her danger; and it was the first death in the household that had
+hitherto been so strong and confident in health,--the first touch that
+taught them how little the world they loved was an abiding-place. So
+sudden had been the stroke, that they seemed to pause and stand aghast
+under it, scarcely conscious how deep the wound might be. Her father
+went about the house, bowed down and stricken with grief, his tones low,
+sorrowful, and so gentle when speaking to his children, or to Marian,
+that they could scarcely be recognised as the same voice; but, without
+a word, so far as Marian, Clara, or Lionel knew, of his daughter, or
+of his own feelings. Her mother, already very weak, and suffering most
+acutely from the remembrance of the coldness with which she had treated
+her during the last autumn, became so seriously unwell, between a
+return of influenza, and her extreme depression and nervous hysterical
+agitation, that Marian and Clara were almost entirely occupied in
+nursing her, and trying to soothe her. In this work they were little
+successful. Marian had no hold on her affection, no power of talking
+soothingly, though most anxious to do what she could, and distressed
+excessively by her inability to be a comfort in the painful scenes which
+she was obliged to witness. She almost thought her presence made things
+worse, and that Mrs. Lyddell wished her away; but poor Clara was so
+entirely helpless and frightened, clung to her in so imploring a way,
+and was so incapable, from the restraint that had always subsisted
+between her and her mother, of saying anything to comfort her, or
+assuming any direction, that Marian was obliged, for her sake, to be
+almost always in the room. The only thing Marian could do in the way
+of consolation was to read aloud; she could not talk of the great
+thankfulness, peace, and hope which she felt herself, to Mrs. Lyddell,
+though she could have done so a little, with time, to Lionel, or even
+Clara; she could only read, and whether this did any good, she knew not.
+At any rate, it was what she ought to do; and the sound of the voice
+going on continuously had certainly a calming effect. Walter used daily
+to come and read, but this she did not seem to like, though she never
+made any objection; and there was so much reason for guarding against
+agitation and excitement, that he, never familiar with her, could not
+venture to attempt speaking to her on the subject of which all their
+hearts were full. It was only Mr. Lyddell who had any real serviceable
+influence with her. Her hysterical attacks never came on in his
+presence, and a few affectionate words or demonstrations from him would
+soothe the very worst of them. Marian saw so much real tenderness in his
+character, that she positively began to feel considerable affection for
+him.
+
+Clara was entirely bewildered and frightened, hardly yet realizing
+that she had lost her sister; perplexed and alarmed about her mother,
+suddenly thrust forward, from being an unregarded child, into having
+all the responsibilities of the eldest daughter of a sick mother on her
+hands, she could only depend upon Marian, and hang on her for direction,
+assistance, and consolation,--say "yes" to whatever she suggested, and
+set about it; and whenever she felt lonely, sisterless, and wretched,
+lean on her, pour out her grief, and feel that she had a kind listener,
+though only a monosyllabic answerer. She used to have great fits of
+crying at night, when they passed Caroline's door; and more than once
+she was so inconsolable, that Marian was obliged to come and stay in her
+room, and sleep all night with her arm clinging round her. Altogether,
+it was very desolate and perplexing; and Marian was grieved at herself
+for dwelling more on this, and on the loss of her dear companion and
+friend, than on the hope and happiness that ought to occupy her. How
+different in the two deaths she had known before, where there was none
+of this weary, harassed, doubtful, careworn feeling; only the sorrow,
+bitter indeed as it was, of the parting, but with time and scope for
+dwelling on all thoughts of comfort, when they would come.
+
+Lionel had his brother, and was thus in the best hands; and she saw very
+little of him except at meal-times, when all were silent and subdued.
+
+So passed the week before the funeral. Only the gentlemen attended it;
+Marian and Clara stayed with Mrs. Lyddell, who went through the time
+better than they had ventured to hope. She was altogether improved, and
+was able to sit up a little in the evening. Lionel was to go the next
+day to London, to be seen by the oculist; and her sanguine mind was
+fastening itself on the hope of his recovery; and though there was
+too much danger that she was only hoping in order to be the more
+disappointed, yet the present relief was great.
+
+Marian and Clara went down to dinner somewhat cheered, and hoping to
+carry satisfaction with them; but there was a deeper despondency in Mr.
+Lyddell's air than ever. He scarcely seemed to know what he was doing;
+and when at last dinner was over, he rose up, stood by the fire a
+moment, coughed, said to Walter, "You tell them," and ran upstairs.
+
+There was a silence: each of the three dreaded to ask what was the
+matter; Walter did not know how to begin. Marian began to think it was
+some family misfortune, better mentioned in her absence, and was rising
+to go away; but Walter exclaimed, "No, don't go, Marian; all the world
+must know it soon, I fear."
+
+"Not Johnny!" cried Clara. "O, Walter, Walter, don't let it be Johnny!"
+
+"No," said Lionel; "I know it is something more about Elliot. Is it very
+bad indeed, Walter?"
+
+"Very; I do not think he is going to tell my mother the full extent.
+There was a letter from Paris this morning, from Captain Evans, saying
+he thought it right that my father should be warned that Elliot is going
+on there in his old way, and worse still, is reported to be on the brink
+of a ruinous marriage."
+
+Clara was the first to break the silence of consternation. "Marriage!
+and now! a Frenchwoman! O Walter, Walter it can't be true! he can't do
+it now, at any rate!"
+
+"There is some hope that this may make a delay: it is the one chance
+that my father trusts to," said Walter. "The history seems to be this,
+as far as I can understand. When the discovery of all these debts came
+on my father, he wrote Elliot a very indignant letter, refusing to be
+answerable for any of them except that which Faulkner had guaranteed
+which of course he paid at once. This letter seems to have stirred
+Elliot up into a fit of passion; he went on more recklessly than ever,
+and now is getting drawn into this miserable connection."
+
+"Yes, just like Elliot!" said Lionel. "And what is papa going to do?"
+
+"He means to go to Paris at once, sacrifice any thing, pay all the debts
+at any cost, if he can only bring Elliot back with him, and save him
+from ruining himself entirely."
+
+"But he is not going to tell mamma about the marriage, I hope?" said
+Clara.
+
+"No, he will leave her to think it is only the old story, and that he
+wants to see if anything can be done about the debts. There is a hope
+that the news he must have had by this time may have checked him."
+
+"Perhaps it may be bringing him home," said Marian.
+
+"No, I fear he is too much involved to venture to England."
+
+Again following a silence; no one could think of anything consoling to
+suggest; all were unwilling to heap censure upon one who deserved it but
+too richly. Only Lionel was heard to give a sort of groan, find after a
+time Clara asked, "Is it a Frenchwoman?"
+
+"Yes," said Walter; "a person connected with the theatres."
+
+The four again sat in mournful silence.
+
+"I suppose," said Lionel at length, "that my going to London had better
+be put off till he comes back."
+
+"No," said Walter, "he wishes that to be done at once. We are all three
+to go to London to-morrow, as was settled before; he will go with you to
+see the oculist, and on to Dover by the night-train; and if the oculist
+wishes to keep you, I shall stay with you in London till he comes back,
+or till my mother and the rest can come."
+
+"Thank you," said Lionel, sighing; "I wish I could help it! Is not it
+leaving a pretty state of things behind us, though? not that we are any
+great good to the ladies to be sure!"
+
+"Yes, it is leaving you at a very sad time," said Walter, looking at the
+two girls, "but we are hardly able to be of much use to my mother, and
+if there was any prospect of your improvement, that they all say would
+do her more good than anything else. However, my father said that must
+be according to your feelings, Clara and Marian, if you were afraid to
+be left with the charge of her, I would remain."
+
+One of Walter's awkward ways of putting the question, and it instantly
+suggested to Clara to be afraid.
+
+"I am sure I shan't know what to do. Only think, Marian, for us to be
+left--what should we do if mamma was to get suddenly worse? We should
+have no one to help us, I shall be in such a nervous state, I could do
+no good."
+
+"No, no, Clara, you won't," said Marian, whilst Walter had begun to
+look in consternation at Clara. "Nobody ever has nerves when there is
+anything to be done. You know Mrs. Lyddell is much better."
+
+"O but she will be so very unhappy and excited about papa's being
+gone, and I am sure I shall never be able to conceal from her all this
+dreadful business about Elliot."
+
+"Yes, you will," said Marian quietly. "We shall do very well indeed, it
+cannot be for long, and if we wanted him we could get Walter home in a
+few hours' time. If he can send us good news of Lionel, it will help us
+much more than his staying here could do."
+
+"If dear Caroline,"--and Clara burst into a fit of weeping, which
+obliged her to leave the room. Every one was feeling the same thing,
+that Caroline, with her energy, good sense, and the power she had once
+possessed with her mother, would have made all easy, and the sense of
+missing her had come strongly upon them all. Marian followed Clara to
+her own room, let her lean upon her and cry, wept with her, joined in
+saying how grievous the loss was, and how much they had loved her, and
+how they should want her every day and every hour, then called hack the
+remembrance that Caroline had not been happy here, and had longed for
+rest, and it was come to her, and they must not be selfish, but there
+Clara cried more, saying that Marian never knew what a sister was, and
+it was unkind to wish her to be glad.
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, pausing as her tears flowed fast, "I have
+known death, Clara."
+
+"You weren't glad!" said Clara passionately.
+
+"I don't know," she said thinking, and speaking with difficulty. "Not
+then, not always now, O no! But I always knew I ought to be glad, for
+dear papa had suffered so much, I could not wish it to be going on
+still--no, no. And dear mamma, when he was gone, it was a sad world for
+her, she could only have wished to stay for our sakes. Yet, after the
+first, I always felt it was right, and so will you too, Clara, in time."
+
+"If she was but here to help me!" sobbed Clara.
+
+"We must try," said Marian, "we can't be as useful and ready as she was,
+but we will do our very best. I am sure Mrs. Lyddell likes to have you
+sit with her."
+
+"Did you think so?" said Clara, ready to be cheered by any token, of
+preference.
+
+"Yes, I saw how glad she was to have you instead of me, when you came in
+from the garden."
+
+Clara looked pleased.
+
+"You will sit with her, and read to her, and I can help you when you
+have too much on your hands at once. You see it is a great comfort to
+Mr. Lyddell to have you to leave her with."
+
+The being made important was a great thing with Clara, and she was quite
+reconciled to the prospect of her charge by the time they had to go down
+stairs to tea.
+
+After tea Marian was left alone with Lionel, while Clara was with her
+mother; and Walter in consultation with Mr. Lyddell, for here at least
+was one benefit, that Walter seemed to have taken his proper place, and
+to be a real comfort and help to his father in a way he had never hoped
+for.
+
+"You've cheered up Clara, I hear in her voice," said Lionel.
+
+"O yes, we shall do very well."
+
+"Do you mind it, Marian?" said he, turning his ear towards her, as if
+to judge by the minute intonations of her answer, as people do by the
+expression of the countenance.
+
+Her reply was brave, "No, not at all."
+
+"Are you sure?"
+
+"Yes. I don't see what would be gained by keeping you and Walter here.
+She does not depend on Walter as she does on your father, and all that
+is required we can do as well without Walter in the house. It would be
+nonsense to keep you merely for the feel of having some one, and for the
+rest, I am sure Clara will be the better for being thrust forward, and
+made useful."
+
+"Very well. I should not in the least mind waiting, for I have not much
+hope myself, but it is just as well for oneself and every one else to be
+put out of one's misery as soon as possible, and settle down into it."
+
+Marian remembered how differently he had spoken half a year ago, when
+the danger first broke on him, and looking up she saw his steadfast
+though mournful face. She spoke her thought.
+
+"It has been a great thing to have this long preparation."
+
+"Yes, I am glad of it, though I have been a great plague and nuisance to
+every one, especially to you, Marian. I know what you're going to say,
+so let alone that. I wish--. But no use talking of that, she was very
+kind and we got very comfortable together after you were gone, Marian,
+and I like to remember that."
+
+"Ah! I was sure you would. And Walter read you what she said about you?"
+
+"Yes, I wish--I little knew"--then suddenly "Marian, I'll tell you
+something: one morning when you were gone, she had to read a bit of a
+chapter in the Gospel about the healing the blind man, and you can't
+think how hard she tried to get through it without breaking down, but
+she could not. She cried at last, as if she could not help it, and then
+she got up, and came and kissed me, and I felt her tears on my face. I
+didn't know what to say, but that's what I like to remember."
+
+"And the Church-going on Christmas day," whispered Marian.
+
+"Ay, she led me up," said Lionel.
+
+"Everything is so very comforting," said Marian.
+
+"So Walter says."
+
+"Lionel, do you remember the print you and Gerald gave me long ago of S.
+Margaret walking through the dark wood of this world, and subduing the
+dragon? I am sure she is like it. She had all this world before her, and
+she chose vexation and trouble instead of doing wrong! O Lionel, it is
+very noble!"
+
+"That it is," said Lionel, "only things never seem so at the time. I
+wish they did, but. I am glad my father saw it all right before, and
+said he was glad she had given him up."
+
+"Yes, that is a comfort."
+
+"My poor father!" said Lionel presently, "I never guessed he cared so
+much about--things. Do you know, Marian, I think even if I do get back
+my eyes, I could not go after the Australian bulls, unless 'twas the
+only way of getting a living."
+
+"I am glad you have put them out of your head," said Marian, smiling
+sadly.
+
+"Ay, I was very mad upon them once," said Lionel, "but I see that eyes
+or no eyes, we must set ourselves in earnest to be some sort of comfort
+to them, and if Johnny is to be always at sea, I had better not be on
+the other side of the world. If I am to see, why then it is all right;
+if not, I'll do the best I can at home."
+
+"That's right, Lionel."
+
+"I can do a good deal already, I am no trouble to any one, am I? I can
+go all over the house and park by myself, and find all my own goods
+without any one's help, and I'll do more in time, so as to be no bother
+to any one, and I do believe now they like to have me at home. Don't you
+remember, Marian," and he lowered his voice confidentially, one reason
+why I wanted to go to Australia, and make a fortune?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, knowing that he meant his vision of winning love
+from his parents.
+
+"Well, I think," said he, "that being blind has answered as well."
+
+A silence, then he went on, "I know what you meant now about a time when
+I might he glad to have been blind. If Caroline had married that man,
+she would not have died as happily as that, and there was an end of all
+the trouble and vexation; so there will be an end to my blindness some
+time or other, and it will keep me out of lots of mischief. I don't mean
+that there is not plenty of opportunity of doing wrong as it is," he
+added, "but not so much. Better be blind than like Elliot, and perhaps I
+might have come to that."
+
+"O Lionel, it is such a comfort you can speak so!"
+
+"I've tried it now, and 'tis not so very bad," said Lionel, turning with
+an odd mixture of smile and sadness, "besides I saw almost the last of
+her face, and I should only miss her the more like her voice. I have got
+her face stored up with all of yours. You know I shan't see when any of
+you grow old and ugly, Marian. Well, and after all I am glad it is to
+be settled now, I don't think I shall mind it near so much as I should
+another time, now I have just heard all that over her grave. I got
+Walter to read it to me all over again when we came home. It has been
+very nice to have Walter."
+
+Marian guessed how Walter had strengthened and helped him, and she
+judged rightly, but she did not know how silently he listened to all
+Walter's talkings and readings, unable to pour out his full feeling to
+any one but herself.
+
+The others came in from their different quarters, it was late, and
+Marian was about to wish good night, when Walter in a low hurried voice
+said to her and Clara, "Don't go yet, my father wishes to have prayers."
+
+A moment more and the servants came in, all were kneeling, and Marian's
+tears of thankful joy were streaming fast as Walter read an evening
+prayer. Was not Caroline glad? was the thought, as she recollected that
+first morning, when all had seemed to her childish mind so dreary and
+unhallowed, and when Caroline had lamented the omission. Yes! was not
+Caroline glad, now that one of the dearest wishes of her heart had been
+gained? Was she not glad of this first token that trouble had brought a
+change over her father?
+
+Each fresh petition brought such a gush of earnest softened tears that
+Marian's face bore evident traces of them, when she rose up, and had to
+wish Mr. Lyddell good night. She did not speak, but held out her hand.
+He spoke with difficulty, "My dear," he said, "I have wished to thank
+you, but I cannot otherwise than by leaving more on your hands. Walter
+has told you how it is with us. You are kind enough to help Clara.
+I don't know what we should do without you. I rely on your judgment
+entirely."
+
+"I'll do my best," said Marian, "I am glad to be of use."
+
+"You were _her_ best friend," said Mr. Lyddell hastily. "Well, good
+night, thank you, my dear," and he kissed her forehead, as though she
+had been his own daughter.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+  "Let us be patient. These severe afflictions
+  Not from the ground arise
+  But oftentimes celestial benedictions
+  Assume this dark disguise.
+
+  "We see but dimly through the mists and vapours
+  Amid these earthly damps
+  What seems to us but sad funereal tapers
+  May be heaven's distant lamps."
+
+  LONGFELLOW.
+
+
+There were morning prayers before the hurried breakfast, which was
+interspersed with numerous directions about what was to be done for Mrs.
+Lyddell, and what letters were to be sent after Mr. Lyddell. Lionel was
+grave and silent, as became one whose fate was in the balance, without
+either shrinking or bravado; but somewhat as if he was more inclined,
+than had been the case last night, to hope for a favorable result.
+With heartfelt prayers did Marian watch him as be crossed the hall and
+entered the carriage, calling out a cheerful good-bye,--prayers that, if
+it were the will of Heaven, his affliction might be removed; but that if
+not, help might be given him to turn it into a blessing, as he seemed
+almost to be beginning to do. His father, too,--little had Marian ever
+thought to feel for him the affectionate compassion and sympathy, of
+which she was now sensible, as she responded to his kind, fatherly
+farewell, and thought of what he must be feeling; obliged to leave his
+wife in so anxious and suffering a state; his daughter, the pride of the
+family, removed so suddenly; his most promising son probably blind for
+life; his eldest, a grief, pain, and shame to them all. Marian must pray
+for him too, that he might be supported and aided through these most
+bitter trials, and that the work which they had begun in him might go on
+and be perfected; that these troubles, grievous as they were, might in
+his ease also turn to blessings.
+
+The occupation of the two girls was all day the care of Mrs. Lyddell.
+She was not worse, as far as bodily ailments went; the attack of cold,
+brought on by leaving her room to attend on Caroline, had gone off,
+and her strength was in some degree returning; but she was restless,
+excited, irritable, and with an inability to restrain herself, that was
+more alarming than Marian liked to own to herself, far less to Clara.
+
+She insisted on getting up at an earlier hour than she had hitherto
+attempted; she was worn out and wearied with dressing; she was impatient
+and vexed with Clara, for some mistake about her pillows; and the
+trembling of her hand, as she was eating some broth, was uncontrollable.
+The broth was not what she liked, and she would send for the
+housekeeper, to reprove her about it; asked questions about the
+arrangements, found them not as she wished; spoke sharply, said no one
+took heed to anything while she was ill, and then burst into a fit of
+weeping at the thought of the daughter who would have been able to
+supply her place.
+
+This spent itself, (for the girls were unable to do anything effectual
+in soothing it away); the doctors made their daily visit, and cheered
+her up a little. The consequence of this exhilaration was, that she
+began talking about Lionel, and anticipating his perfect recovery;
+arranging how they were all to go and join him in London, and working
+herself up to a state of great excitement; pettish with Marian for not
+being able to answer her hopefully, and at last, hysterically laughing
+at the picture she drew of Lionel with restored sight.
+
+Marian asked if she would be read to, and took up a serious book, with
+which she had put her to sleep two or three times before, but nothing
+of the kind would she hear; and as the best chance of at least quieting
+her, Marian went on a voyage of discovery among the club books down
+stairs, and brought up a book of travels, and a novel. Mrs. Lyddell
+chose the novel; it was a very exciting story, and caught the attention
+of all three. Marian grew eager about it, and was well pleased to go on;
+and so it occupied them most of the afternoon and evening, driving out a
+great deal of care, as Marian could not help gratefully acknowledging,
+though she would willingly have had space to work out with herself the
+question, whether care had best be driven out or grappled with. Mrs.
+Lyddell was indeed in no state to grapple with it, and there was nothing
+to be done but to take the best present means of distracting her
+attention; yet it was to be feared that, though put aside, the enemy was
+not conquered,--and might there not be worse to come?
+
+It was about half-past seven and the two girls were drinking tea with
+Mrs. Lyddell in her room. She was just beginning to make herself unhappy
+about Mr. Lyddell's late journey and night-voyage, when there was a tap
+at the door, and on the answer, "Come in!" it opened, and Lionel stood
+there.
+
+There was a sudden exclamation: they all three sprang up and looked at
+him, but alas! it was still by feeling that he came forward, though his
+countenance was cheerful, and there was a smile upon his lips.
+
+"Well, mamma," he said, in a brave, almost a lively tone, "you must
+be content to have me at home." And in answer to their broken, half
+expressed interrogations, "No, he can't do any thing for me; so it was
+not worth while to stay any longer in London. How are you this evening,
+mamma?"
+
+He was guiding himself towards her chair, one hand on the table; she
+threw herself forward to meet him, flung her arms round his neck and
+sobbed, "My boy, my poor dear boy! O Lionel! it has been all my fault
+and neglect!"
+
+"No, no, don't--don't say that, mamma!" said Lionel, extremely
+distressed by her weeping, and not knowing where to rest her, as she
+hung with her whole weight abandoned on him. Marian and Clara were
+obliged to help him, and seat her in her chair again; while she still
+wept piteously, and poor Lionel stood, hearing the sobs, and very much
+grieved. "Ought I not to have told her?" said he to Marian. "I thought
+if she saw I could bear it, it would be better than writing."
+
+"Yes, yes, you did quite right; she will be better presently."
+
+She was soon better, and leaning back on her pillows exhausted, looked
+up at the fine tall boy before her, the glow of youth and health on his
+face, spirit and enterprise in every feature,--but those large blue
+eyes, bright as they were, for ever darkened and useless.
+
+"O Lionel!" she sighed again.
+
+"The man behaved very well," said Lionel; "he did not plague me at all.
+He only pulled up my eyelids--so--and studied them, and I suppose he
+gave some sign to my father, for I heard him make a noise that showed me
+how I was; so I asked. He told me there was not a chance, and made me
+understand the rights of it; and so here I am. Never mind, mamma, there
+was a tendency to it all my life, and nothing would have stopped it in
+the end; and now I know what it is, I have no doubt but I shall do very
+well. I mean to be like the blind man that unharnessed all the horses in
+the middle of the night, when the coach was upset, and no one else was
+of any use."
+
+He stopped once or twice in his harangue, to judge how his mother was,
+by her breathings; and he spoke with a smile and look of resolution
+and eagerness, as he concluded with another "Never mind, mamma, for I
+don't." She took hold of his hand, and pressed it, too much overcome to
+speak.
+
+"Is papa gone?" asked Clara.
+
+"Yes." And Lionel proceeded to give a message which he had sent back.
+
+"And where's Walter?"
+
+"In the drawing-room."
+
+More people were already in the room than Marian thought good for Mrs.
+Lyddell; and understanding Clara's wishes, she went down to speak to
+Walter, to carry a message that his mother would see him after tea, and
+to arrange for a substantial supper for the two youths, who had had no
+dinner.
+
+Walter was waiting anxiously to know how his mother had endured the
+tidings.
+
+"She was very much, overcome at first," said Marian; "but now she has
+had a good cry, she will be more likely to go to sleep quietly. Poor
+Lionel! he did it admirably."
+
+"It has been his chief thought," said Walter. "He begged to come home at
+once, saying it would be the best way to have it over before night;
+it would save all hoping and worrying, about him; and the instant we
+arrived, he ran straight up stairs."
+
+Walter and Marian were not familiar enough to say it to each other, but
+both were comparing his present conduct with his former bitterness of
+spirit against his mother. Death, sorrow, anxiety, and illness had drawn
+close the cords of love, and opened the well-springs of affection, so
+long choked up and soured by neglect and worldly care.
+
+"How did he bear it at the first?"
+
+"Bravely; he had wound himself up. He was flushing and turning pale all
+through the journey; but when once he came to the door, he was as calm
+and steady as possible. My father was much more agitated; he would lead
+Lionel himself, and very nearly threw him down the steps. You should
+have seen how Lionel never flinched,--did not let one feature quiver
+while he was being turned round to the light and examined. We saw how it
+was by the doctor's face, but Lionel spoke first, as--no, more steadily,
+than I can tell it, 'There is nothing to be done, then?'--attended more
+firmly to the explanation of the causes than we could, spoke as freely
+as if it had been about some indifferent case. The doctor was quite
+struck with it. He shook hands with him when he went, and kept me a
+moment after, to say, of all the many cases he had seen, he had never
+known greater resolution,--never seen any one he had been more sorry
+for. However, it was not only that,--that might have been the pride of
+firmness; but it has been the same all along. He set himself to cheer my
+father, who was very much overcome; and ever since has been telling me
+of all his schemes for employment, and arranging how to spare my mother
+as much as possible. Yes, he is a fine fellow!" said Walter, stopping
+with a heavy sigh.
+
+"I am sure he will make himself happy," said Marian earnestly; "you
+don't know how many resources he has, and you see how wonderfully
+independent he is already."
+
+"Yes," said Walter, sadly; "but though I know it is all right--to see
+what he might have been! But that is mere nonsense," he added, catching
+himself up; "we should never have known what was in him; and perhaps he
+would have been very different."
+
+Not a word expressed of Walter's sincere thankfulness for the change
+that affliction was bringing on them.
+
+Lionel came down presently, Marian presided at their tea, and would have
+enjoyed it very much, if she had not been sorry Clara should not be
+relieved from her harassing attendance up stairs. But her mother could
+not spare her, and perhaps the being positively useful, and pulled by
+force out of her childishness, was the best thing for her.
+
+"Marian, I hope you will be able to ride with me to-morrow, if mamma
+does not want you?" said Lionel.
+
+Walter looked full of inquiry and consternation.
+
+"If we can manage it," said Marian, cheerfully; though now that the
+custom had been disused for a time, she did not like the notion quite
+so well as before; since she could not now even figure to herself that
+Lionel guided himself at all, He had said it chiefly for the purpose
+of asserting his intention of continuing the practice, and was quite
+satisfied by her answer.
+
+Walter went up stairs to his mother shortly after, and Lionel was left
+alone with Marian.
+
+"I am sure I hope it won't hurt her," said he; "I thought it was best to
+have it out at once."
+
+"Much the best, since it was to come."
+
+"Yes," he said, pausing for some space, then exclaiming, "I don't know,
+though! I thought it would be better to know the worst, and have one's
+mind made up; but I don't think 'tis more comfortable, after all. I
+should like to get back that little spark of hope I had this morning!
+O, Marian, there was one time when the sun shone out full, and so warm,
+exactly on my face, and some one in the train said it was a glorious
+winter day. It was close by Slough; I knew we were in sight of the
+castle, and perhaps one might see the chapel, and the trees in the
+playing-fields. I thought soon, I might be seeing it all again: and
+I vow, Marian, I could have leaped from here to Windsor at the bare
+thought. It was being a great fool, to be sure; but as we came back, I
+was half glad it was dark, so that nobody else could see it."
+
+"Yet I am sure your last half year at Eton was no happy time; you went
+through a great deal."
+
+"I'd do it all again, if I could see as much as I did then," said
+Lionel. "I don't mind it so much in general now; I get on much better
+than I thought I should, and it is not nearly as bad now I am quite in
+the dark, and wake up to it, as when the glimmer of light was going. I
+can do very well, except when a great gush--I don't know what to call
+it--great rush of remembering the sky and all sorts of things comes
+on me, and I know it is to be darkness always. Then!--but it is all
+nonsense talking of it. I shall get the better of that, some day or
+other, I suppose. But I did not think, yesterday, that the being sure of
+it would be half so bad!"
+
+"You braced yourself yesterday, and that helped you to-day."
+
+"Yes; and then there was my father,--he has enough to vex him, without
+knowing all this. And, after all, it is nothing; I've got plenty to do,
+and I'll manage it capitally. I'll tell you what, Marian, if mamma can
+spare you, we'll ride to Salisbury, and get some of that good twine, and
+I'll make Gerald the fishing-net you said he wanted."
+
+Lionel had hitherto never consented to learn to net.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was better the next day, and all was quiet and prosperous,
+so that Walter could write a satisfactory account to his father. Clara
+had a good walk with her brothers in the morning, and in the afternoon
+the ride took effect: Marian came into Mrs. Lyddell's room in her habit,
+and gave notice, "we are going to ride," so much as if it was a matter
+of course that Mrs. Lyddell asked no questions, and feared no dangers.
+Walter went with them, and Marian could have wished him away, for he was
+so anxious and nervous as very nearly to make her the same, and though
+he said nothing of his anxieties, Lionel found them out, and told him
+in his old gruff way that there was nothing to be in a taking about;
+indeed, Lionel was the more inclined to be adventurous in order to show
+himself entirely at his ease.
+
+However, nothing went wrong, and Marian and he both felt it a point
+gained that their riding together was established. A few days passed
+on quietly and gravely, a pause of waiting and suspense. Mrs.
+Lyddell, though less ill, was not materially improved as regarded the
+excitability of her spirits. She would be excessively depressed at
+one time, at another in such high spirits as were much more alarming.
+Sometimes she would talk about their being all ruined and undone, and go
+on rapidly to say they must give up the house in London, retrench, live
+on nothing; at others she anticipated Mr. Lyddell's bringing Elliot
+back, all his debts paid, to live at home and be a comfort, or some
+friend was to give Walter a great living, or Clara was to come out, and
+to be presented in the summer. At the same time the fretful irritability
+of nerve and temper continued, and any unusual excitement, the talking a
+little longer in her room, a letter, or a little disappointment, would
+keep her awake all night. One thing, however, seemed certain, that
+Lionel's presence had some of the same power over her as her husband's;
+she was too much occupied with watching him, to work herself into her
+anxious excited moods, and now that he had grown more familiar with her,
+his cheerful lively way of speaking always refreshed and pleased her. He
+would come in, in a glow of bright health, from a quick walk or ride in
+the clear frosty air, and show such genuine pleasure and animation
+as must console those who were grieving for his privation; he would
+undertake her messages, and find things in a wonderful manner, and he
+liked to listen to the reading aloud that always went on in her room.
+When Lionel came in, Marian and Clara always felt relieved from half
+their present care.
+
+At last came a letter from Mr. Lyddell to Walter. The worst of his
+fears were fulfilled. Elliot was actually married, and report had not
+exaggerated the disgrace of the connection. Mr. Lyddell had not chosen
+to see him, and intended to be at home, by the end of the next day,
+after they would receive the letter.
+
+It was a great shock, but perhaps none of the four young people had
+such lively hopes of Elliot as to be very much overwhelmed by the
+disappointment, as far as he was individually concerned. He had never
+been a kind elder brother to Clara or Lionel, and it was only Walter who
+could have any of those recollections of a childhood spent together,
+which would make the loss of intercourse personally painful. They had
+all been brought up to a sort of loyal feeling towards Elliot as the
+eldest, and to think his extravagance almost a matter of course, but
+only the tie of blood, and sympathy for their parents could cause them
+any acute pain on his account.
+
+For their parents they were greatly grieved, for Elliot had with all
+his faults, been their especial pride and hope, and the effect on Mrs.
+Lyddell in her present state was very much to be apprehended. It was a
+comfort however that it was decided in full council that they might put
+off the evil day of telling her, for there was no occasion that she
+should be informed till her husband returned. He came the next day, and
+very worn down, broken and oldened did he look, as he returned to his
+mourning household. Not a word did he say in public of the object of his
+journey, and all that transpired to Marian, through Lionel, who heard
+it from Walter, was "that it was as bad as bad could be; it was thought
+Elliot had done it out of spite, at any rate he was never likely to
+bring his wife to England." Neither did Mrs. Lyddell speak of it, and
+Marian only knew that she had been informed of it, by the increased
+excitability and irritation of her nerves. Poor Clara underwent
+plenty of scolding, for she was the only victim, since Mrs. Lyddell's
+continuous dislike to Marian kept her on her ordinary terms of
+ceremony, scarcely ever asking her to do her any service, thanking her
+scrupulously, and never finding fault to her face.
+
+Marian was at first very sorry for Clara, who was bewildered, and
+disconcerted, but after a day or two, things seemed to right themselves
+wonderfully. Clara grew used to the fretfulness, and was no longer
+frightened by it, nor made unhappy, but learnt how to meet it and smooth
+it down without being hurt by it. It was surely the instinct of natural
+affection, for inferior in every way as she was to Marian, yet in her
+mother's sick room she suddenly acquired all the tact, power, and
+management that Marian failed in. Hitherto she had been childish and
+astray, as if she wanted her vocation; now she had found it, and settled
+admirably into it, acquiring a sense, energy, and activity that no one
+could have supposed her capable of.
+
+Outside that room, she was the same Clara still, without much either of
+rational tastes or conversation, afraid of her father, and not much of a
+companion to her brother, helpless in everything that did not regard her
+mother, and clinging to Marian for help and direction, Marian must speak
+for her, tell her what to say if she had to write a note, take the
+responsibility of every arrangement. Nothing was much harder than to
+shove Clara forward into becoming the ostensible lady of the house,
+as it seemed as if she must continue for some time to come, since the
+doctors spoke of the most absolute rest and freedom from excitement
+being necessary to restore her mother's shattered health and spirits.
+She was to see no visitors, be soothed as much as possible, have no
+cares or anxieties brought to her, be only moderately occupied and
+amused, or the nervous attacks would return. Marian had a suspicion that
+they feared for her mind. She became stronger, was able to rise earlier,
+and to drive out in the carriage, but she never dined with the family,
+and remained in her sitting room up stairs, with Clara for her regular
+attendant, and visits from the rest.
+
+Walter returned to his curacy as soon as he could be spared, and Lionel
+became, as usual, chiefly dependent on Marian, who read to him, walked
+with him, rode with him, assisted him in his contrivances for helping
+himself, and was his constant guide and companion; doing at the same
+time all she could for Clara's service, but keeping in the back ground
+and making Clara do all the representative part for herself.
+
+They missed Caroline every hour of the day, far more since they had
+settled into an every-day course of habits and most especially in the
+evening and at meal times. There always used to be so much conversation
+going on at dinner and now no one seemed to say anything; Clara sat at
+the head of the table in awe of her father, Lionel and Marian did not
+feel disposed to talk in their own way before him there never had been
+any freedom of intercourse, and nobody knew how to begin.
+
+Marian thought the silent party very sad and forlorn for poor Mr.
+Lyddell, and that it must remind him grievously of the state of his
+family. Some one must talk, but how were they ever to begin? She was the
+worst person in the world to do it, yet try she must.
+
+She began talking over the ride they had taken that day, but Clara was
+not at her ease enough to ask questions, or make observations, Lionel
+did not second her, and Mr. Lyddell said no more than "O." Another day
+she tried giving a history of a call that had been made by some of their
+neighbors, but nobody would be interested. How could she be so stupid?
+She almost dreaded dinner time. At last one day, she luckily cast her
+eyes on the newspaper, and it is a melancholy truth that the sight of a
+horrid murder gave her a certain degree of satisfaction! She began about
+it at dinner, when every one talked about it, every one had some view as
+to the perpetrator, and it really carried them through all dinner time
+without one dreary tract of silence, and served them on a second day.
+
+A second day and a third, for more intelligence came out, and then
+luckily for her, came a revolution, next a dreadful accident, and at
+last the habit of talking became so well established that there was no
+need to look for topics in the newspaper. It was without an effort that
+she could originate a remark addressed to Mr. Lyddell. Lionel began to
+shake off his old schoolboy reserves, and rattle on freely. Clara grew
+more at ease, and Mr. Lyddell began to be entertained, to be drawn into
+the conversation, and to narrate his day's doings, just as of old
+when his wife was there, pleased with their interest in them, making
+explanations, and diverted with Lionel's merry comments.
+
+It was however dreary and uncomfortable, with all these vague anxieties
+for Mrs. Lyddell, and with the whole house in the unsettled state
+consequent on missing its moving power. The servants had been used to
+depend on her, and could not go on without her; they teased Clara,
+and Clara teased Marian about them, no one knew what to do, nor what
+authority to assume, and the petty vexations were endless that were
+borne by the two girls rather than annoy Mr. Lyddell; perplexities,
+doubts whether they were doing what was wise or right by the house or by
+the servants; Marian's good sense making her judge the right, but her
+awkwardness, and Clara's incapacity, breaking down in the execution;
+continual worry and no dignity in it.
+
+The loss of Caroline as a companion was severely felt. Marian had not
+been fully conscious how very closely entwined their hearts had been,
+how necessary they had grown to each other even before those latter days
+of full confidence. Every pursuit was mixed up with Caroline, every walk
+recalled her, every annoyance would have given way at her light touch.
+There was no one left with whom Marian could have anything like the
+conversations they had been used to enjoy from almost the earliest
+days of her coming to Oakworthy. Lionel was indeed a very agreeable
+companion, nay more, a friend, full of right feeling, principle, good
+sense, thought, and liveliness; but a younger boy could never make up
+for the loss of such a friend of her own sex. Each evening as she sat
+over the fire in her room, her heart ached with longing for Caroline's
+tap at the door, or with the wish to go and knock at hers, and then the
+thrill at thinking that there was only gloom and vacancy in her room.
+Had they but found each other out before! But oh! how much better to
+think of her as she did of her own parents, added to her store in
+Paradise, than to see her the wife of that man, unhappy as she must have
+been unless she had lost all that was excellent and hopeful.
+
+These thoughts would comfort Marian when she went up to bed, harassed,
+weary, disgusted with cares and vexations, and craving for rest and
+sympathy. She thought of the home that awaited her at Fern Torr, the
+hope that had carried her through last autumn, but withal came a dim
+vague perception that a great sacrifice might be before her. Would it be
+right to seek her own happiness and repose there, and leave the Lyddells
+to their present distress? She did not think she was of much use, Clara
+was all-sufficient for her mother, and Marian was rather less liked by
+Mrs. Lyddell than formerly; but as a support to Clara, as a companion to
+Lionel, and as some one to talk to Mr. Lyddell, she was not absolutely
+useless. She had no doubt Clara and Lionel would miss her sadly, indeed
+it would be unkind to leave them, it would be positively wrong to
+forsake them when she was of some value, and go where she could not
+suppose herself to be actually wanted, though she might be loved and
+cherished. Yet to give up that beloved hope! The vision that had
+delighted her from the first years of her orphanhood; the hope become
+tangible beyond all expectations, the wish of her heart. To give up
+home, Edmund and Agnes, for this weary life! How could she? But it was
+not worth while to think about it yet, things might change, before they
+were ready for her, Mrs. Lyddell might recover, Clara and Lionel might
+grow sufficient for each other, anything might, would or should happen,
+rather than she would give up her beloved hope of the home she longed
+for, especially now the house was actually building, and each letter
+brought her accounts of its progress.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+  "Perchance it was ours on life's journey to enter
+  Some path through whose shadows no lovelight was thrown,
+  With heart that could breast the fierce storms of its winter,
+  And gather the wealth of its harvest alone;
+  It is well there are stars in bright heaven to guide us
+  To heights we ne'er dreamt of,--but oh, to forget
+  The fortunes that bar, and the gulfs that divide us
+  From paths that looked lovely, with some we have met."
+
+  F. BROWNE.
+
+
+Many weeks had passed away, and nothing had changed, in any
+material way, since the spring. Mrs. Lyddell's condition was still
+unsatisfactory, and she seemed to be settling into a confirmed state of
+ill health, and almost of hypochondriacism. So many shocks, following
+each other in such quick succession, on a person entirely unprepared by
+nature, experience or self-regulation, had entirely broken her down, and
+shattered her nerves and spirits in a manner which she seemed less and
+less like to recover. She was only able to rise late in the day, take a
+short drive, and after dining in her own room, come down in the evening,
+if they were alone, and it was a good day with her.
+
+No change, neither sea air, nor London advice, had made much difference,
+and her condition had become so habitual, that her family had ceased to
+expect any considerable amendment; and it was likely that Clara would,
+for many years, have full employment as her companion and attendant.
+Lionel was perfectly, hopelessly blind, but growing reconciled to his
+misfortune, and habituated to the privation, as well as resigned in
+will. His natural character, of a high-spirited, joyous, enterprising
+boy, showed itself still in his independence and fearlessness, joined to
+cheerfulness, and enlivened the house. He had even gone the length of
+talking freely and drolly to his father, and Mr. Lyddell had learnt to
+smile, and even laugh at his fun.
+
+There had been fears that the removal to London, for the session of
+Parliament, would be a great privation to him, since he would miss the
+wandering about the downs by himself, and the riding with Marian; but
+his temper and spirits did not fail. He walked every day with her, and
+was entertained with all he heard, both by his own quick ears, and by
+her description. They went to exhibitions, where she saw for him, and
+there were lectures, readings, and other oral amusements, to which his
+father, or some good-natured friend, would take him. He began to acquire
+a taste for music, which he had hitherto never cared to hear, and
+concerts became a great delight to him: though he had not the correct
+ear, and admirable appreciation of music, that often, in blind persons,
+seems like a compensation for the loss of the pleasures of the eye.
+
+Lady Marchmont became very kind to him. She was thoroughly good natured,
+and the sight of the blind youth, whose arm Marian held as they walked
+together, stirred all her kindly feelings. He was gentlemanlike
+and pleasant looking, and his manner, now divested of schoolboy
+_brusquerie_, was frank and confiding. Selina was disposed to like him,
+and to be interested in him. She found, too, that Marian did not like to
+go out when his amusement was not provided for; so at first for Marian's
+sake, then for his own, she made him join them when they went to
+concerts, or to any other amusement that could gratify him. Her bright
+liveliness and spirited way of talking, won him; and it delighted Marian
+to see what great friends they became, even to the length of laughing
+over the old Wreath of Beauty story together. And when at length she was
+brought, of her own accord, in some degree to patronise Clara, it was a
+triumph indeed; and Mrs. Lyddell was more obliged to Marian than for all
+the real benefits she had conferred, when she saw Clara dressed to go to
+a party at Lady Marchmont's.
+
+All this time Marian was becoming more and more a prey to that secret
+doubt, whether it might not be a duty to give up her cherished hope of a
+home at Fern Torr. She did not see how she could be spared. Clara was an
+admirable attendant on her mother, and was becoming a better mistress of
+the house; but she was not able to be at the same time a companion to
+her father and Lionel, and, poor girl, she would be very forlorn and
+much at a loss, without Marian's elder sisterhood; for the sense of help
+and reliance that Marian's presence gave her was little less. For her to
+go away, would be to bring home to Clara the loss of Caroline more than
+she had ever been left to feel it.
+
+Yet, on the other hand, Clara was no companion. They talked, indeed, but
+they never discussed,--never had any interchange of higher sympathies or
+reflections; it was not getting beyond the immediate matter in hand;
+and often Marian, would be sensible that, if her own pleasure were
+consulted, a walk or ride, with her thoughts free to range in meditation
+or day-dream, was preferable to Clara's chatter.
+
+Her own pleasure,--that she enjoyed but little, and less now than ever,
+for her time was never her own. There was Lionel on her hands almost
+every day, to be read to, or walked with; and if he went out with his
+father, or spent an hour in his mother's room, there was Clara wanting
+her quite as much, for gossip, exercise, or consultation. Mrs. Lyddell,
+too, must be visited; for though Marian was not the most beloved,
+or most welcome person in the world, yet a change of society and
+conversation was desirable, both for her sake and Clara's; so more
+than two hours every day were spent in her sitting-room. Then, in the
+evening, Marian's thoughts and ears must be free for Mr. Lyddell and
+Lionel. All her own pursuits were at an end, she had hardly touched a
+pencil the whole year, nor opened a German book, nor indeed any book,
+excepting what she read to Lionel, and these were many. She was very
+seldom able to enjoy the luxury of being alone; she could hardly even
+write her letters, except by sitting up for them; and even the valuable
+hour before midnight was not certain to be her own, for if Clara had no
+other time to pour out her cares, she used to come then, and linger in
+her cousin's room, reiterating petty perplexities, endless in detail.
+
+How delightful to escape from all this, to quietness, peace, freedom
+from her own cares and other people's,--Fern Torr air and scenery,
+Edmund and Agnes for companions, and liberty to teach school children,
+go about among her own people, do good in her own way, and enjoy her own
+studies. It was like a captive longing to be set free,--a wanderer in
+sight of home.
+
+But the captive paused on the threshold of the dungeon; the wanderer
+stood still on the brow of the last hill. Marian paced up and down her
+own room, and thought and reasoned half aloud,--
+
+  "Sweet is the smile of home, the mutual look,
+  When hearts are of each other sure;
+  Sweet all the joys that crown the household nook,
+  The haunt of all affections pure:
+  Yet in the world even these abide, and we
+  Above the world our calling boast."
+
+"And I am making them the world, if for their sake I give up what my
+conscience calls on me to do. I know, though I do little good here, my
+going away would make them more uncomfortable. Have I any right to seek
+my pleasure? But I should do more good there; I should go to school,
+read to the poor people, go to Church in the week, be more improved
+myself. O that home of peace and joy! And Gerald--my first duty is to
+him. But what harm would it do him? I could go home for his holidays. I
+must not deceive myself; I have been put in the way of positive duties
+here, or rather, ways of being useful have grown up round me. Is it
+right to run away from them,--poor Lionel, poor Clara! Would not every
+weary hour of Lionel's--every time Clara was teased, and teased
+her father,--be my fault? But how Edmund and Agnes will be
+disappointed!--they who will have been throwing away so much kind care!
+O you goose of a Marian! are you going to fancy it is for your sake that
+they mean to marry? don't you think they can do very well without you?
+How very silly to be sorry that it must be so!--how very, very silly!
+And even Gerald will marry one of these days, and will not want me; and
+shall I always be alone then? For as to that other sort of affection, I
+am sure it is quite certain that I can never care for any body enough to
+marry,--never half as well as for Gerald. No, no one will ever love me
+as I do others; every one has some one nearer to them; a lonely life,
+and never a home! Well, then there is a home somewhere else, and those
+who made my earthly home are waiting for me there, in the Land of the
+Leal."
+
+Such was the tenor of Marian's oft-repeated musings. The practical
+result was a resolution to consult Edmund when she should go to Fern
+Torr to his wedding, early in August. She could not write her pros and
+cons, but to Edmund she could tell them, and trust to him as a just and
+impartial judge; and if Agnes was angry, it would serve them, thought
+Marian, smiling, for a quarrel, for they won't have many other chances
+of one.
+
+However, the time drew on when, behold, every one's calculations were
+disturbed by a sudden dissolution of Parliament. Hitherto such events
+had not made much difference to the Lyddells; as Mr. Lyddell's election
+had been, for the last twenty years, unopposed; and the only doubt
+at present was, whether he thought it worth while to stand again,
+considering that he was growing old and weary of business, and besides
+could not well afford the London house.
+
+He had been hinting something of the kind to Lionel and Marian in the
+evening, as a matter under consideration and they had heard it with
+joy, when the next morning made a sudden change in affairs, by bringing
+tidings that Mr. Faulkner was soliciting the votes of Mr. Lyddell's
+constituents on the opposite interest, taking the wrong side of the
+question,--a most important one, upon which the dissolution had taken
+place.
+
+Here was indignation indeed. There was something so unfeeling in such a
+proceeding, on his part, that the mildest word spoken against him was
+Marian's, and that was "atrocious." To give up was one thing, to be thus
+turned out was quite another; and it was clearly right to the moral
+sense, as well as satisfactory to the indignant temper, that Mr. Lyddell
+should oppose "to the last gasp," as the furious Lionel expressed it,
+one who espoused principles so pernicious both in politics and religion.
+One thing was certain, that nobody would ever wish again that Caroline
+had married him. Ill as Mr. Lyddell could afford the expense of a
+contested election, his blood was up, and he was determined not to yield
+an inch. Never had Marian believed she could grow so vehement about
+anything that concerned him, but now her whole soul seemed to be in his
+success. He had always been on the right side; and now that a steadily
+growing sense of religion was influencing all his actions, he was just
+the fit person for his position, and Marian could, on principle, wish
+earnestly to see him retain it, for his own sake, as well as to keep out
+Mr. Faulkner. But, alas! poor Marian, that the ministers should have
+chosen this precise time, so as just to bring the election the very week
+of Edmund's wedding!
+
+What was to be done? Mrs. Lyddell could not believe that an election
+would go on right without dinner-parties of every visitable individual
+in the county; and how was Clara to manage them all? Mrs. Lyddell's only
+experiment, in coming into the room when there was company, had done her
+so much harm, that it was not on any account to be repeated; and her
+restlessness and anxiety,--her persuasion that nothing could be done
+well in which she was not concerned,--made the keeping her quiet a more
+anxious business than even the receiving company. There was Mr. Lyddell
+wanting to have lists written, and needing all sorts of small helps to
+which he had been used from his active wife; everything came on the two
+girls, and Marian did not see how she could be spared even for the three
+days it would take to go to the wedding.
+
+Perhaps that excitement about the election would have somewhat dulled
+the acuteness of the sacrifice, if it had not been for what was to come
+after it. The die must be cast without consultation with Edmund; she
+must write and tell them that their kind design for her was in vain.
+
+Gerald was at Oakworthy for the first week of his holidays, and he was
+the only person she could call to hold council with her. She had some
+difficulty in catching him; for he was galloping about with messages
+all day, figuring to himself that he produced a grand effect in the
+canvass,--making caricatures, describing them to Lionel, and conducting
+him wherever he was not expected to be seen. However, catch him she did,
+at bed-time, and pulling him into her room, propounded her difficulty.
+
+"Gerald, I don't see how I am ever to manage to go with you to their
+wedding."
+
+Ha? don't you? Well, it would be a pity to lose the nomination-day, and
+the show of hands; I should travel all night to be in time, but you
+could not, I suppose?"
+
+"I? why you don't think I should go to it?"
+
+"Lionel will--I am to take care of Lionel. Can't you go? What a bore it
+must be to be a woman! Well, then, why don't you come to the wedding?"
+
+"Because I think Clara will get into such a fuss, if there is no one to
+help her at the dinner the evening before. There is Mrs. Pringle coming
+to dine and sleep, so it can't be only a gentleman's party: and there is
+so much to do."
+
+"Whew! it will be very stupid of you not to come; and how Agnes will
+scold! But I suppose yen can't be everywhere. One would give up
+something for the sake of beating such a rogue as that Faulkner."
+
+"If we were but sure of doing it."
+
+"Sure! Why we shall smash him to shivers, if one fortieth part of the
+people are but as good as their word. Did I tell you, Marian, how I
+answered that old farmer to-day?" &c., &c., all which Marian had to
+hear, before she could get him back to the matter in hand.
+
+"I am almost sorry to give up those three days," he said, "though it is
+for their wedding; but you see, Marian," and the boy spoke with his air
+of consequence, "I think it is expected of me, and they would all be
+disappointed. It would not look as if it was well between Edmund and mo,
+if I was not present; but you can please yourself, you know."
+
+"Yes, yes, you could not stay away," said Marian; "I should be very
+sorry that you should. You must go."
+
+"And if I come away that afternoon, I may be back by the mail train by
+one at night, and be in time for the show of hands. Hurrah! I've a'mind
+to write to Jemmy, to buy up all the rotten eggs in Fern Torr."
+
+"You wild animal! But do be sensible a little while, Gerald, for I have
+something serious to ask your advice upon."
+
+"Well,"--and all the wisdom of sixteen was at her service.
+
+"I want to know what you think about my living here, or at Fern Torr?"
+
+"Hollo! why I thought it was settled long ago that you were to live at
+the Quarry with them."
+
+"So it was; but I don't know whether I am not more wanted here than
+there."
+
+"You don't mean that that have changed their mind, and don't want to
+have you?"
+
+"Not a bit--O dear, no! but I think, somehow, Clara and Lionel find me
+of more use than they would."
+
+"To be sure, this place would be in a pretty tolerable sort of a mess
+without you. I don't know how any of them would get on."
+
+"Well, then, I wanted your opinion, Gerald; I had better tell Edmund and
+Agnes that I ought to stay on here."
+
+"But what am I to do? I mean to be at Fern Torr in the holidays, I
+assure you, except a week or two, just to see Lionel; and I don't mean
+to have my holidays without you, I declare!"
+
+"O, I hope always to come home for them."
+
+"Why, then, if I have you when I am at home, I don't care,--I mean--"
+said Gerald, conscious of the egotism he was committing, "I mean you
+don't like it half so well, do you?"
+
+"O no--I mean--I don't know--"
+
+"Which do you mean?"
+
+"I don't know--at least, of course, I had rather be with Edmund and
+Agnes than anybody else, except you; but then, if I was thinking Lionel
+had no one to read to him, or to ride with, or that Mrs. Lyddell was
+worse, and Clara unhappy, I could hardly enjoy it."
+
+"You would not think so much about it if you were away from them."
+
+"Perhaps not, but it would be the same, and it would haunt me at night."
+
+"But, Marian, you can't give up Edmund and Agnes now they have built a
+room for you."
+
+"I must have it when I come for your holidays."
+
+"Well, you must do as you please," said Gerald.
+
+"And you won't be vexed?"
+
+"Vexed! Why should I? It is nothing to me, if I have you when I am at
+home; and, indeed, I don't see what poor Lionel would do without you. I
+suppose it is the best way, since you like it; only you must settle it
+with Agnes your own way. I shall tell her it is not my fault. Won't she
+be in a rage, that's all!"
+
+With which sentence Sir Gerald's acquiescence was conveyed, with little
+perception of the struggle in his sister's mind, and of the pain and
+grief it was to her to write to her cousin and friend, begging them to
+release her from her promise.
+
+As to the rest of the house, they never appeared to think at all about
+her quitting them; or if Clara and Lionel did, perchance, remember that
+it had been spoken of, they hoped it had blown over, and dreaded the
+revival of the idea too much to refer to it. Not one of the whole family
+guessed that to them was sacrificed the most treasured project of
+Marian's life.
+
+She had made up her mind, but she could not bear to write to tell her
+friend that her plans were frustrated; so it was to Edmund that she
+wrote the full detail of her reasons and regrets, begging him to forgive
+her, and to make her peace with Agnes; while she begged Mrs. Wortley to
+excuse her for missing the wedding.
+
+Edmund's answer was just what she wished, and indeed expected. "You are
+right," he said, "and it is of no use to tell you how sorry we are. It
+is impossible to be so selfish as to wish you to act otherwise, and in
+process of time you may perhaps obtain Agnes' pardon: in the mean time
+we never walk to the Quarry, without her abusing you for giving so much
+trouble for nothing. I would only advise one thing, namely, that you
+make no promise nor engagement respecting your place of residence, since
+circumstances may alter; and you had better not feel yourself bound.
+With this proviso we resign you to your own judgment, and to the place
+where you seem indeed at present to be most wanted."
+
+So wrote Edmund: Agnes did not write at all. Marian announced that she
+had given up going to the wedding. Clara was sorry she should miss it,
+but could not guess how she should have managed without her; and no
+one else had leisure to think at all, or else considered it quite as a
+matter of course that site should not go away when she was wanted.
+
+If any one had, seven years, or even one year ago, told Marian how she
+would spend that bridal day, her incredulity would have been complete.
+So absorbed was she in Mr. Lyddell's election affairs that she hardly
+had time to think about it, between hopes and alarms, doubts and
+intelligence, visitors and preparations, notes to be written and papers
+to be found, Clara to be helped, Mrs. Lyddell to be kept quiet, Lionel's
+news to hear, the dinner party to be entertained. Very differently had
+Marian now learnt to sit in company from former days. She had a motive
+now, in the wish to help Clara, and all her distant coldness had melted
+into a quiet, kind, obliging manner, which had taught her to take
+genuine interest even in common-place people, and caused it to be said
+that Miss Arundel had ceased to be shy and haughty. It was all one
+whirl, leaving no time for sitting down, and still less for musing.
+Lionel went indeed with his father to the committee-room, and was there
+half the day; for his services were wonderful, and particularly his
+memory for names and places, to which Mr. Lyddell declared he would
+rather trust than to any memorandum. He was thus out of Marian's way all
+the morning, but there was enough to occupy her without him, and in the
+afternoon he came home, full of news, and especially full of glory, in
+a conquest of his own, a doubtful voter, whom he had recollected, and
+undertaken to secure, had made the servant drive him round that way,
+canvassed on his own account, and obtained a promise, extracted as
+Marian suspected, by admiration of the blind young gentleman's high
+spirit and independence.
+
+Mr. Lyddell was particularly delighted; when became home very late, just
+before the eight o'clock dinner, he came up into his wife's room, and
+told her the whole story, told Marian all over again on the stairs, and
+told it a third time to some of the dinner guests, before Lionel came
+down. Marian saw he valued that vote above all the rest.
+
+Busy as the day had been, Marian was resolved to sit up till her
+brother's return at two o'clock in the morning, to hear his tidings, and
+she expected to enjoy the space for thinking; but the thoughts would
+not be settled, and instead of dwelling on Edmund and Agnes, she found
+herself continually going back to the voters' list, and counting up the
+forces on each side. Then she grew sleepy, and fell into a long musing
+dream of shapeless fancies, woke herself, tried to write to Agnes, and
+went off into her former vision of felicity in the house at the Quarry,
+which she indulged in, forgetting that she had renounced it. At last
+came the sounds of a carriage, and of opening doors. She met Gerald on
+the stairs, but he was sleepy and would say little. "It had all gone off
+very well--yes--nobody cried--he had a bit of wedding-cake for her, and
+here was a note, she should hear all about it another time;"--yawn, and
+he shut himself into his own room. That was all Marian obtained by her
+vigil. You, there was the note, put in with the wedding cards.
+
+  "MY DEAR MARIAN,--I can't relieve my mind by scolding
+  you, and I don't know what else you have a right to
+  expect after the way you have treated us. They tell me I
+  must write, and I have not a word to say, though I always
+  promised you should have the first letter from
+
+  "Your affectionate cousin,
+
+  "AGNES ARUNDEL."
+
+Wild as ever, thought Marian, as a little disappointed, she laid down
+the note, but she understood how Agnes had felt obliged to write, in
+hurry and agitation, and just because she felt deeply, had been unable
+to express herself otherwise than what some people would call foolishly
+and unsuitably.
+
+There was not much more of the wedding to be heard from Gerald the next
+morning, for he was full of the nomination, and proud of having Lionel
+under his especial charge.
+
+This day was as wild a bustle as the former one, and there was still
+more excitement in the evening. Of course the show of hands had been in
+favour of Mr. Faulkner, of course he and his proposer and seconder had
+behaved one only more disgracefully than the other, of course the rabble
+bad behaved shamefully, and the boys were almost beside themselves with
+wrath; and besides the details of all these matters-of-course, the boys
+had adventures of their own, for somehow Gerald and Lionel had been left
+in the midst of a vituperative mob, out of which Gerald had brought off
+his companion in a most spirited and successful way, without letting
+any one discover Lionel's blindness, which would have been the most
+efficient protection for both. Again and again Marian was told of the
+gallant way in which both boys had conducted themselves, and proud and
+pleased was she.
+
+Mr. Lyddell lost his seat, and the boys were half mad, a hundred times
+more concerned than he was himself, while Marian moralized to herself
+on why it was allowed to happen that he should be set aside from public
+life, just when he would have begun to act on truly sound principles.
+And yet perhaps the leisure he thus obtained, and the seclusion from the
+whirl of politics were the very things he needed, to draw him entirely
+apart from the world which had so long engrossed him.
+
+It was about sis weeks after this that Mr. and Mrs. Edmund Arundel, in
+acceptance of a warm invitation from Mr. Lyddell, were driving along
+the white road leading to Oakworthy, after a very pleasant visit to the
+Marchmonts, when Selina had treated Agnes so affectionately, as to cause
+her to forget all past neglect, and had, as Edmund said, scaled their
+friendship, by raving at Marian's decision, "It was too bad," said she,
+"when they had given up London,--the only thing that made it tolerable."
+
+To which, however, Agnes did not quite agree.
+
+"And now," said she, "I shall see whether Marian is happy."
+
+"I don't believe you wish her to be so," said Edmund.
+
+"No, I am not quite so spiteful," rejoined Agnes, "but in order to
+forgive her, I must think it a very great sacrifice."
+
+"And have a marvellously high estimate of our two selves," said Edmund.
+
+"What do I see?" said Agnes. "Look at those two people riding on the
+down up there against the sky, don't you see their figures? It is a
+lady. Gould it be Marian? No, she is riding so close to the other--he
+can't be a servant."
+
+"Lionel, I suspect," said Edmund.
+
+"The poor blind boy! O surely she does not ride alone with him! O what a
+pretty cantering on the turf. It is really Marian, I see now. How I do
+like to see her ride."
+
+A moment or two more, and descending from the high green slope, the two
+riders were on the road meeting the carriage. Marian looked her best
+on horseback, with her excellent seat, and easy, fearless manner, her
+little hat and feathers became her fine features, and the air and
+exercise gave them animation, which made her more like a picture of
+Velasquez and less like a Grecian statue than she was at any other time.
+Lionel rode almost close to her, a bright glow of sunshine on his lively
+face, and a dexterity and quickness in his whole air that made Agnes
+hesitate for a second or two, whether he could really be the blind
+youth. A joyous "How d'ye do?" was called out on each side. "Well,
+Lionel," then said Edmund, "are you quite well?"
+
+"O yes, thank you," replied a gay voice, "we thought we would see if we
+could not meet you."
+
+"We rode over the down," said Marian, "and we are going back the same
+way. We shall be at home as soon as you are. Good-bye. To the right,
+Lionel."
+
+And they were seen trotting up the hill again, then as the carriage came
+in sight of the front door, there was Lionel jumping Marian down from
+her saddle. Agnes did not know how to believe that he could not see, as
+she watched his upright bearing, and rapid, fearless step, so unlike the
+groping ways of persons who have lost their sight later in life.
+
+Clara presently came down, and Agnes was struck with her more thoughtful
+face, and collected manner, so unlike the giddy child she had last seen,
+not intellectual indeed, but quiet, lady-like, and sensible. And as to
+Mr. Lyddell, he looked so worn and so much older, so subdued in manner,
+and so free from those over civilities of former times, that Agnes made
+up her mind that he must not be hated.
+
+Of Mrs. Lyddell she saw very little, only sitting in her room for an
+hour each morning, as a visitor, but it was evident she was very much
+out of health, and a great charge to them all. Agnes could be sorry for
+her, but could not like her while she did not speak more cordially of
+Marian. All praise of her had something forced and against the grain,
+and Agnes thought her intensely ungrateful.
+
+Lionel interested Agnes extremely, with his happy, independent ways,
+unrepining temper and spirit of enterprise. He was always eager about
+some contrivance of his own, and just at this time it was wood-carving.
+His left hand showed as much sticking-plaster as skin, and he used to
+come into the drawing-room with it wrapped up in his handkerchief and
+say, "Here's another, Marian," when Marian very quietly produced her
+sticking-plaster, as if it was quite an ordinary matter; nay, would
+not follow up the suggestion that he should not have so sharp a knife,
+saying that it was much better to cut one's finger with a sharp knife
+than a blunt one. He had cut about twenty bits of wood to waste, to say
+nothing of hands, but he persevered with amusing energy, and before the
+end of the visit had achieved a capital old man's head for the top of a
+walking stick, which he presented to Edmund. He promised Agnes a set of
+silk winders, and in the mean time made great friends with her, getting
+her to tell him about her brother's sporting adventures, and in return
+making himself very amusing with relations out of his sailor brother's
+letters. Johnny had been concerned in the great exploit of climbing the
+Peter Bottle mountain, and Lionel was as proud of it as if he had done
+it himself, making Marian show everybody a drawing which Gerald had made
+of the appearance that Johnny must have cut, standing on one leg on the
+highest stone. They were also struck with the change in the manner in
+which Walter was regarded, and the pride and affection with which all
+the family spoke of his doings at his curacy.
+
+But that Marian, though not prominent, and apparently merely a guest,
+was necessary to the comfort of each member of the family, was a thing
+that at the end of a fortnight, Agnes could not deny. Nor could she
+attempt to make up a case to show that she and her husband were equally
+in want of her.
+
+"So, Marian," said she, as they parted, "I forgive you on condition of
+your spending Christmas with us."
+
+"And I ought to forgive you," said Edmund, "in consideration of the
+fulfilment of my prediction that you would not be able to leave the
+Lyddells when I was ready to receive you."
+
+Marian smiled, and watched them from the door. As they lost sight of
+the house, Edmund turned to his wife, saying, "How little we are fit to
+order events! Here, Agnes, I looked back at this house six years ago
+in a sort of despair. I was ready to reproach Providence, to reproach
+everything. I thought I saw my uncle's children in the way to be ruined,
+all his work undone, and there was I, unable to act, and yet with the
+responsibility of the care of them. I tell you, Agnes, I never was so
+wretched in my life. And yet what short-sightedness! There has Marian
+been, placed, like a witness of the truth, calm, firm, constant,
+guarding herself and her brother first, and then softening, and winning
+all that came under her influence."
+
+"Oh! but, Edmund, your coming home saved Gerald," said the wife, who
+could not see her husband's credit given away even to Marian.
+
+"I brought the experience and authority that she could not have, but
+vain would have been my attempts without the sense of right she had
+always kept up in his mind. Trouble has done much for those Lyddells,
+but I don't believe that without her, it would have had that effect:
+When I remember what Mr. Lyddell was, his carelessness, the painful
+manner in which he used to talk; when I see him now, when I think of
+what that poor Caroline was saved from, when I see the alteration in
+Clara, and watch that blind boy, then I see indeed that our little
+Marian, whom we thought thrown away and spoilt, was sent there to be
+a blessing. If she had been naturally a winning, gentle, persuasive
+person, I should have thought less of the wonder; but in her it is
+the simple force of goodness, undecorated. I once feared the constant
+opposition in which she lived, would harden her, but instead, she has
+softened, sweetened, and lost all that was hard and haughty in her ways,
+when it was no longer needed for a protection. Selina Marchmont has
+failed too in giving her the exclusive spirit which I once feared
+for her. It is as if she had a spell for passing through the world
+unscathed."
+
+"And you think she is happy?"
+
+"As happy as those that never look for their happiness in this world."
+
+Agnes sighed. "My vision has always been," said she, "to see Marian as
+happy as--ourselves."
+
+"She may be yet," said Edmund smiling, "but she has the best sort of
+happiness. She is in less danger of clinging to this world than we are.
+And somehow she gives me the impression of one too high and noble to
+seek her happiness in the way in which most people look for it. Yes,
+we ourselves, Agnes, we have a nest and home in this world; she stands
+above it, and her only relation with it is to make others happy."
+
+"She little thinks how we talk of her," said Agnes. "And still stranger
+it is, that with the reverence I have for her, I can play with her and
+scold her."
+
+A silence; ending with Agnes repeating,
+
+  "GOOD LORD, through this world's troubled way
+  Thy children's course secure;
+  And lead them onward day by day,
+  Kindly like Thee and pure.
+
+  "Be theirs to do Thy work of love,
+  All erring souls to win;
+  Amid a sinful world to move,
+  Yet give no smile to sin."
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The Two Guardians, by Charlotte Mary Yonge
+
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Two Guardians, by Charlotte Mary Yonge
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Two Guardians
+
+Author: Charlotte Mary Yonge
+
+Posting Date: November 12, 2011 [EBook #9926]
+Release Date: February, 2006
+First Posted: October 31, 2003
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TWO GUARDIANS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Michigan University, Joshua Hutchinson, and
+the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE TWO GUARDIANS
+
+or, HOME IN THIS WORLD
+
+by CHARLOTTE MARY YONGE
+
+THE AUTHOR OF "THE HEIR OF REDCLYFFE," "HENRIETTA'S WISH," "KENNETH,"
+"HEARTSEASE," "THE CASTLE BUILDERS," ETC.
+
+1871
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "Stay here, Marian! I don't care if all the world heard
+me."]
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+
+In putting forth another work, the Author is anxious to say a few words
+on the design of these stories; not with a view to obviate criticism,
+but in hopes of pointing to the moral, which has been thought not
+sufficiently evident, perhaps because it has been desired to convey,
+rather than directly inculcate it.
+
+Throughout these tales the plan has been to present a picture of
+ordinary life, with its small daily events, its pleasures, and its
+trials, so as to draw out its capabilities of being turned to the best
+account. Great events, such as befall only a few, are thus excluded,
+and in the hope of helping to present a clue, by example, to the
+perplexities of daily life, the incidents, which render a story
+exciting, have been sacrificed, and the attempt has been to make the
+interest of the books depend on character painting.
+
+Each has been written with the wish to illustrate some principle which
+may be called the key note. "Abbeychurch" is intended to show the need
+of self-control and the evil of conceit in different manifestations;
+according to the various characters, "Scenes and Characters" was meant
+to exemplify the effects of being guided by mere feeling, set in
+contrast with strict adherence to duty. In "Henrietta's Wish" the
+opposition is between wilfulness and submission--filial submission as
+required, in the young people, and that of which it is a commencement as
+well as a type, as instanced in Mrs. Frederick Langford. The design of
+the "Castle Builders" is to show the instability and dissatisfaction of
+mind occasioned by the want of a practical, obedient course of daily
+life; with an especial view to the consequences of not seeking strength
+and assistance in the appointed means of grace.
+
+And as the very opposite to Emmeline's feeble character, the heroine
+of the present story is intended to set forth the manner in which a
+Christian may contend with and conquer this world, living in it but not
+of it, and rendering it a means of self-renunciation. It is therefore
+purposely that the end presents no great event, and leaves Marian
+unrecompensed save by the effects her consistent well doing has
+produced on her companions. Any other compensation would render her
+self-sacrifice incomplete, and make her no longer invisibly above the
+world.
+
+_October 14th_, 1852.
+
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+  "With fearless pride I say
+  That she is healthful, fleet, and strong
+  And down the rocks will leap along,
+  Like rivulets in May."
+
+  WORDSWORTH.
+
+
+Along a beautiful Devonshire lane, with banks of rock overhung by tall
+bowery hedges, rode a lively and merry pair, now laughing and talking,
+now summoning by call or whistle the spaniel that ran by their side, or
+careered through the fields within the hedge.
+
+The younger was a maiden of about twelve years old, in a long black and
+white plaid riding-skirt, over a pink gingham frock, and her dark hair
+hidden beneath a little cap furnished with a long green veil, which
+was allowed to stream behind her in the wind, instead of affording the
+intended shelter to a complexion already a shade or two darkened by the
+summer sun, but with little colour in the cheeks; and what there was,
+only the pale pink glow like a wild rose, called up for the moment
+by warmth and exercise, and soon to pass away. Still there was no
+appearance of want of health; the skin was of a clear, soft, fresh shade
+of brown; the large dark eyes, in spite of all their depth of melancholy
+softness, had the wild, untamed animation of a mountaineer; the face and
+form were full of free life and vigour, as she sat erect and perfectly
+at ease on her spirited little bay pony, which at times seemed so lively
+that it might have been matter of surprise to a stranger that so young a
+horsewoman should be trusted on its back.
+
+Her companion was a youth some ten or eleven years her senior,
+possessing a handsome set of regular features, with a good deal of
+family likeness to hers; dark eyes and hair, and a figure which, though
+slight, was rather too tall to look suitable to the small, stout, strong
+pony which carried him and his numerous equipments, consisting of a long
+rod-case, a fishing-basket and landing-net, in accordance with the lines
+of artificial flies wreathed round his straw hat, and the various oddly
+contrived pockets of his grey shooting-coat.
+
+In the distance at the end of the lane there appeared two walking
+figures. "Mrs. Wortley!" exclaimed the young lady.
+
+"No, surely not out so soon!" was the answer. "She is in the depth of
+lessons."
+
+"No, but Edmund, it is, look, and Agnes too! There, Ranger has better
+eyes than you; he is racing to them."
+
+"Well, I acknowledge my mistake," said Edmund, drawing up his rein as
+they came upon the pair,--a pleasing lady, and a pretty blue-eyed girl
+of fourteen. "I did not believe my eyes, Mrs. Wortley, though Marian
+tried to persuade me. I thought you were always reading Italian at this
+time in the morning, Agnes".
+
+"And I thought you were reading Phaedrus with Gerald," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"Ay," said Agnes, "we did not know what to make of you coming up the
+lane; you with your lance there, like the Red Cross Knight himself, and
+Marian with her palfry for Una."
+
+"The knight must have borrowed the dwarf's ass," said Edmund, laughing,
+and putting his lance in rest.
+
+"And where have you been, then, at this portentous time of day, Agnes?"
+asked Marian.
+
+"We heard a report of Betty Lapthorn's child having another fit," said
+Agnes, "and set off to see; but it turned out to be a false alarm. And
+now we are going up to the Manor House to ask Lady Arundel if she has
+any arrowroot for it, for ours is all used up."
+
+"Shall we find her at leisure?" added Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"Yes," said Marian. "Gerald has finished his lessons by this time.
+Mamma thought it would be too far for him to go with us, and besides he
+frightens the fish."
+
+"Which you are in too good training to do, Marian," said Mrs. Wortley.
+"And how is your papa to-day?"
+
+"Oh, it is a good day," said Marian: "he was up before we set off."
+
+"Down stairs? For perhaps we had better not go now, just after he is
+tired with coming down," said Mrs. Wortley. "Now, Mr. Arundel, you will
+tell me honestly, and this arrowroot will do just as well another time;
+or if Marian will carry home the message--"
+
+"Well," said Edmund, smiling, "to give you a proof of my sincerity, I
+think you had better perhaps go rather later in the day. My uncle very
+unnecessarily hurried himself, thinking that he was keeping me waiting
+to help him down stairs, and I thought he seemed rather tired; but he
+will be very glad to see you in the afternoon. Indeed, he would be very
+glad now, only you asked me as a question of prudence."
+
+"Don't make civil speeches at the end to spoil just such a reply as I
+wanted," said Mrs. Wortley. "I am afraid you do not think Sir Edmund
+much better since you were last at home."
+
+Edmund shook his head. "If he has not lost ground, it is well," said he,
+"and I think at least there is less pain."
+
+"Well, I will not keep you any longer," said Mrs. Wortley; "good-bye,
+and good sport to you."
+
+And with a wave of the hand on rode the two cousins, Edmund and Marian
+Arundel.
+
+"What an excellent thing it is for the village that those Wortleys are
+come!" said Edmund.
+
+"Yes; now that mamma cannot attend much to the school and poor people, I
+don't know what we should do without them. How different it was in old
+Mr. May's time! I hope we shall get the Church set to rights now, when
+papa is well enough to attend to it."
+
+"It is high time, certainly," said Edmund; "our Church is almost a
+disgrace to us, especially with the Arundel aisle, to show what our
+ancestors did."
+
+"No, not quite to us," said Marian; "you know papa would have done it
+all long ago, if the idea had not vexed poor old Mr. May so much. But
+Ranger! Ranger! where is Ranger, Edmund?"
+
+Edmund whistled, and presently, with whirring, rushing wing, there flew
+over the hedge beside them a covey of partridges, followed by Ranger's
+eager bark. Marian's pony started, danced, and capered; Edmund watched
+her with considerable anxiety, but she reined it in with a steady,
+dexterous, though not a strong hand, kept her seat well, and rode on in
+triumph, while Edmund exclaimed, "Capital, Marian!" Then looking back,
+"What a shot that was!" he added in a sort of parenthesis, continuing,
+"I am proud, Mayflower is not a bit too much for you now, though I think
+we must have given her up if you had had another tumble."
+
+"Oh, no, no, I do so delight in Mayflower, pretty creature!" said
+Marian, patting her neck. "I like to feel that the creature I ride is
+alive--not an old slug, like that animal which you are upon, Edmund."
+
+"That is decidedly ungrateful of you, Marian, when you learnt to ride
+upon this identical slug, and owe the safety of your neck to its quiet
+propensities. Now take care down this stony hill; hold her up well--that
+is right."
+
+Care was certainly needed as they descended the steep hill side; the
+road, or rather pathway, cut out between high, steep, limestone rocks,
+and here and there even bare of earth. Any one but a native would have
+trembled at such a descent but though the cousins paid attention to
+their progress, they had no doubts or alarms. At the bottom a clear
+sparkling stream traversed the road, where, for the convenience of foot
+passengers, a huge flat stone had been thrown across from one high bank
+to the other, so as to form a romantic bridge. Marian, however, did not
+avail herself of it, but rode gallantly through the shallow water, only
+looking back at it to observe to Edmund, "We must make a sketch of that
+some day or other."
+
+"I am afraid we cannot get far enough off," said Edmund, "to make a good
+drawing of it. Too many things go to the making of the picturesque."
+
+"Yes, I know, but that is what I never can understand. I see by woeful
+experience that what is pretty in itself will not make a pretty drawing,
+and everyone says so; but I never could find out why."
+
+"Perhaps because we cannot represent it adequately."
+
+"Yes, but there is another puzzle; you sometimes see an exact
+representation, which is not really a picture at all. Don't you know
+that thing that the man who came to the door did of our house,--the
+trees all green, and the sky all blue, and the moors all purple?"
+
+"As like as it can stare; yes, I know."
+
+"Well, why does that not satisfy us? why is it not a picture?"
+
+"Because it stares, I suppose. Why does not that picture of my aunt
+at Mrs. Week's cottage satisfy you as well as the chalk sketch in the
+dining-room?"
+
+"Because it has none of herself--her spirit."
+
+"Well, I should say that nature has a self and a spirit which must be
+caught, or else the Chinese would be the greatest artists on the face of
+the earth."
+
+"Yes, but why does an archway, or two trees standing up so as to
+enclose the landscape, or--or any of those things that do to put in the
+foreground, why do they enable you to make a picture, to catch this self
+and spirit."
+
+"Make the phial to enclose the genie," said Edmund. "Abstruse questions,
+Marian; but perhaps it is because they contract the space, so as to
+bring it more to the level of our capacity, make it less grand, and more
+what we can get into keeping. To be sure, he would be a presumptuous man
+who tried to make an exact likeness of that," he added, as they reached
+the top of the hill, and found themselves on an open common, with here
+and there a mass of rock peeping up, but for the most part covered with
+purple heath and short furze, through which Ranger coursed, barking
+joyously. The view was splendid, on one side the moors rising one
+behind the other, till they faded in grey distance, each crowned with
+a fantastic pile of rocks, one in the form of a castle, another of
+a cathedral, another of a huge crouching lion, all known to the two
+cousins by name, and owned as familiar friends. On the other side,
+between two hills, each surmounted by its own rocky crest, lay nestled
+in woods the grey Church tower and cottages of the village of Fern Torr;
+and far away stretched the rich landscape of field, wood, and pasture,
+ending at length in the blue line of horizon, where sky and sea seemed
+to join.
+
+"Beautiful! how clear!" was all Marian's exclamation, though she drew
+up her horse and gazed with eager eyes, and a deep feeling of the
+loveliness of the scene, but with scarcely a remark. There was something
+in the sight which made her heart too full for words.
+
+After a time of delighted contemplation, Ranger was summoned from a
+close investigation of a rabbit-hole, and turning into a cart track,
+the cousins rode down the side of the hill, where presently appeared
+an orchard full of gnarled old apple trees, covered with fruit of all
+shades of red, yellow, and green. A little further on were the large
+stone barns, and picturesque looking house, which enclosed a farm-yard
+strewn with heaps of straw, in which pigs, poultry, and red cows were
+enjoying themselves. The gate was opened by a wild-looking cow-boy, who
+very respectfully touched his cap; and at the house door appeared a nice
+elderly looking old fashioned farmer's wife, who came forward to meet
+them with bright looks of cordiality, and kindly greetings to Master
+Edmund and Miss Marian.
+
+"Thank you, thank you, Mrs. Cornthwayte," said Edmund, as he held
+Marian's pony; "we are come to ask if you will give our ponies stable
+room for a couple of hours, while we go fishing up the river."
+
+"O yes, certainly, sir, but won't you come in a little while and rest?
+it is a long walk for Miss Marian."
+
+They did comply with her invitation so far as to enter the large clean
+kitchen; the kitchen for show, that is to say, with the sanded floor,
+the bunch of evergreens in the covered kitchen-range, the dark old
+fashioned clock, the bright range of crockery, and well polished oaken
+table; and there, while Marian laid aside her riding-skirt, the good
+woman commenced her anxious inquiries for Sir Edmund.
+
+"Pretty much the same as usual, thank you," said Edmund.
+
+"No better, then, sir? Ah! I was afraid how it was; it is so long since
+I have seen him at church, and he used to come sometimes last summer:
+and my husband said when he saw him last week about the rent, he was so
+fallen away that he would hardly have known him."
+
+"It has been a very long illness," said Edmund.
+
+"Yes, sir; I do wish we could see him about among us again, speaking as
+cheerful as he used."
+
+"Why he is very cheerful now, Mrs. Cornthwayte," said Edmund. "No one
+who only heard him talk would guess how much he has to suffer."
+
+Mrs. Cornthwayte shook her head with a sort of gesture of compassionate
+admiration, and presently added,
+
+"But do you think he gets better on the whole, Master Edmund? Do the
+doctors say there is much likelihood of his being well again, and coming
+among us?"
+
+Edmund looked down and did not reply very readily. "I am afraid we must
+not hope for that; we must be satisfied as long as he does not lose
+ground, and I certainly think he has had less pain of late."
+
+A little more conversation passed between Edmund and the good wife, and
+a few words from Marian; after which they set off across one or two
+fields towards the place of their destination, Marian carrying her
+little sketching-basket in silence for some distance, until she suddenly
+exclaimed, "Edmund, is papa really getting worse?"
+
+"Why should you think so, Marian?"
+
+"I don't know, only from what you say when people inquire after him; and
+sometimes when I come to think about it, I believe he can do less than
+last year. He gets up later, and does not go out so often, and now you
+say he will never get quite well, and I always thought he would."
+
+"No, I am afraid there is no likelihood of that, Marian: the doctors say
+he may be much better, but never quite well."
+
+"But do you think he is better?"
+
+"He has had less suffering of late, certainly, and so far we must be
+thankful; but, as you say, Marian, I am afraid he is weaker than last
+time I was at home, and I thought him much altered when I came. Still I
+do not think him materially worse, and I believe I might have thought
+him improved, if I had been here all the winter."
+
+Marian became silent again, for her disposition was not to express her
+feelings readily, and besides, she was young enough to be able to put
+aside anxiety which, perhaps, she did not fully comprehend. It was the
+ordinary state of things for her father to be unwell, and his illness
+scarcely weighed upon her spirits, especially on a holiday and day of
+pleasure like the present; for though she often shared Edmund's walks
+and rides, a long expedition like this was an unusual treat.
+
+After traversing several fields, they entered a winding path through a
+copse, which, descending a steep hill side, conducted them at length to
+the verge of a clear stream, which danced over or round the numerous
+rocks which obstructed its passage, making a pleasant, rippling sound.
+Here and there under the overhanging trees were deep quiet pools, where
+the water, of clear transparent brown color, contained numbers of little
+trout, the object of Edmund's pursuit. But more frequently the water
+splashed, dashed, and brawled along its rocky way, at the bottom of
+the narrow wooded ravine in which the valley ended. It was indeed a
+beautiful scene, with the sun glancing on the green of the trees and
+the bright sparkling water; and Marian could scarcely restrain her
+exclamations of delight, out of consideration for the silence required
+by her cousin's sport. She helped him to put his rod together, and
+arrange his reel, with the dexterity of one who well understood the
+matter; and then sat down under a fern-covered rock with a book in her
+hand, whilst he commenced his fishing. As he slowly proceeded up the
+stream, she changed her place so as to follow him at a distance; now and
+then making expeditions into the wood at the side of the hill to study
+some remarkable rock, some tree of peculiar form, or to gather a
+handsome fern-leaf, or nodding fox-glove with its purple bells. Or the
+little sketch-book came out, and she caught the form of the rock with a
+few strokes of bold outline and firm shading, with more power over her
+soft pencil than is usual at her age, though her foliage was not of the
+most perfect description. Her own occupations did not, however, prevent
+her from observing all her cousin's proceedings; she knew whenever he
+captured a trout, she was at hand to offer help when his hook, was
+caught in a bramble, and took full and complete interest in the sport.
+
+At last, after a successful fishing up the glen, they arrived at a place
+where the ravine was suddenly closed in by a perpendicular rock of
+about twenty feet in height, down which the water fell with its full
+proportion of foam and spray, forming a cascade which Marian thought
+"magnificent,"--Edmund, "very pretty."
+
+"Edmund, I am afraid the Lake country has spoilt you for Devonshire. I
+wish they had never sent your regiment to the north!"
+
+"That would not prevent the falls in Westmoreland from being twice the
+height of this."
+
+"It would prevent you from saying that here it is not as beautiful as
+any thing can be."
+
+"And nothing short of that will satisfy you. You had better stand in a
+narrow pass, and challenge every passer-by to battle in defence of the
+beauty of Fern Torr."
+
+"I don't care about every body; but you, Edmund, ought to be more
+dutiful to your own home."
+
+"You are exclusive, Marian; but come," and he stuck his rod into the
+ground, "let us have some of your sandwiches."
+
+"Not till you confess that you like Fern Torr better than all the fine
+places that you ever saw."
+
+"Liking with all one's heart is one thing, admiring above all others is
+another, as you will find when you have seen more of the world, Marian."
+
+"I am sure I shall never think so."
+
+While this contest was going on, Marian had unpacked some sandwiches and
+biscuits, and they sat down to eat them with the appetite due to such
+a walk. Then came a conversation, in which Marian submitted to hear
+something of the beauties of the Lakes, in the shape of a comment on the
+"Bridal of Triermain," which she had brought with her; next an attempt
+at sketching the cascade, in which Edmund was successful enough to make
+Marian much discontented with her own performance, and declare that she
+was tired of sitting still, and had a great mind to try to climb up the
+rocks by the side of the fall. She was light, active, and well able to
+scramble, and with a little help here and there from her cousin's strong
+hand, the top was merrily gained; and springing along from rock to rock,
+they traced the windings of the stream even to the end of the copse and
+the opening of the moor. It was a great achievement for Marian, for even
+Edmund had only once been this way before when out shooting. She would
+fain have mounted to the top of a peak which bounded her view, but being
+assured that she would only find Alps on Alps arise, she submitted to
+Edmund's judgment, and consented to retrace her steps, through wood and
+wild, to Mrs. Cornthwayte's, where they found a feast prepared for
+them of saffron buns, Devonshire cream, and cyder. Then mounting their
+steeds, and releasing Ranger from durance in the stable, they rode
+homewards for about three miles, when they entered the village in the
+valley at the foot of the steep rocky hill, from which it was named Fern
+Torr. Excepting the bare rugged summit, this hill was well covered with
+wood, and opposite to it rose more gently another elevation, divided
+into fields and meadows. The little old Church, with its square tower,
+and the neat vicarage beside it, were the only buildings above the rank
+of cottages, of which some twenty stood irregularly ranged in their
+gardens and orchards, along the banks of the bright little stream which
+bounded the road, at present scarcely large enough to afford swimming
+space for the numerous ducks that paddled in it; but the width of its
+stony bed, and the large span of the one-arched bridge that traversed
+it, showing what was its breadth and strength in the winter floods.
+
+A little beyond this bridge was a wicket gate, leading to a path up
+the wooded height; and Edmund at this moment seeing a boy in a stable
+jacket, asked Marian if he should not let him lead the ponies round
+by the drive, while they walked up the steps. She readily agreed, and
+Edmund helping her to dismount, they took their way up the path, which
+after a very short interval led to a steep flight of steps, cut out
+in the face of the limestone rock, and ascending through ferns,
+mountain-ash, and rhododendrons for about fifty or sixty feet, when it
+was concluded by what might be called either a broad terrace or narrow
+lawn, upon which stood a house irregularly built of the rough stone
+of the country, and covered with luxuriant myrtles and magnolias.
+Immediately behind, the ground again rose so precipitously, that
+scarcely could coign of vantage be won for the garden, on a succession
+of narrow shelves or ledges, which had a peculiarly beautiful effect,
+adorned, as they were, with gay flowers, and looking, as Edmund was wont
+to say, as gorgeous and as deficient in perspective as an old piece of
+tapestry.
+
+"There is papa out of doors," exclaimed Marian, as she emerged upon
+the lawn, and ran eagerly up to a Bath chair, in which was seated a
+gentleman whose face and form showed too certain tokens of long and
+wasting illness. He held out his hand to her, saying, "Well, Marian,
+good sport, I hope, and no more tumbles from Mayflower."
+
+"Marian sits like a heroine," said Edmund, coming up; "I am glad to see
+you out."
+
+"It is such a fine evening that I was tempted to come and see the
+magnolia that you have all been boasting of: and really it is worth
+seeing. Those white blossoms are magnificent."
+
+"But where is mamma?" asked Marian.
+
+"Carried off by Gerald, to say whether he may have a superannuated sea
+kale pot for some purpose best known to himself, in his desert island.
+They will be here again in another minute. There, thank you, Edmund,
+that is enough," he added, as his nephew drew his chair out of a streak
+of sunshine which had just come over him. "Now, how far have you been? I
+hope you have seen the cascade, Marian?"
+
+"O yes, papa, and scrambled up the side of it too. I had no idea of any
+thing so beautiful," said Marian. "The spray was so white and glancing.
+Oh! I wish I could tell you one half of the beauty of it."
+
+"I remember well the delight of the first discovery of it," said Sir
+Edmund, "when I was a mere boy, and found my way there by chance, as I
+was shooting. I came up the glen, and suddenly found myself in the midst
+of this beautiful glade, with the waterfall glancing white in the sun."
+
+"I wish we could transplant it," said Edmund; "but after all, perhaps
+its being so remote and inaccessible is one of its great charms. Ah!
+young monkey, is it you?" added he, as Gerald, a merry bright-eyed boy
+of seven years old, came rushing from behind and commenced a romping
+attack upon him. "Take care, not such a disturbance close to papa."
+
+"O mamma, we have had the most delightful day!" cried Marian, springing
+to the side of her mother, who now came forward from the kitchen garden,
+and whose fair and gentle, but careworn, anxious face, lighted up with a
+bright sweet smile, as she observed the glow on her daughter's usually
+pale cheek, and the light that danced in her dark brown eye.
+
+"I'm glad you have had such a pleasant day, my dear," said she. "It is
+very kind in Edmund to be troubled with such a wild goose."
+
+"Wild geese are very good things in their way," said Edmund; "water and
+land, precipice and moor, 'tis all the same to them."
+
+"And when will you take me, Edmund?" asked Gerald.
+
+"When you have learnt to comport yourself with as much discretion as
+Marian, master," said Edmund, sitting down on the grass, and rolling the
+kicking, struggling boy over and over, while Marian stood by her papa,
+showing him her sketches, and delighted by hearing him recognize the
+different spots. "How can you remember them so well, papa," said she,
+"when it is so very long since you saw them?"
+
+"That is the very reason," he answered, "we do not so much dwell on what
+is constantly before us as when we have long lost sight of it. To be
+confined to the house for a few years is an excellent receipt for
+appreciating nature."
+
+"Yes, because it must make you wish for it so much," said Marian sadly.
+
+"Not exactly," said her father. "You cannot guess the pleasure it has
+often given me to recall those scenes, and to hear you talk of them;
+just as your mamma likes to hear of Oakworthy."
+
+"Certainly," said Lady Arundel. "I have remembered much at poor old
+Oakworthy that I never thought of remarking at the time I was there.
+Even flaws in the glass, and cracks in the ceiling have returned upon
+me, and especially since the house has been pulled down."
+
+"I cannot think how the natives of an old house can wilfully destroy all
+their old associations, their heirloooms," said Edmund.
+
+"Sometimes they have none," said his aunt.
+
+"Ay," said Sir Edmund, "when Gerald brings home a fine wife from
+far away, see what she will say to all our dark passages and corner
+cupboards, and steps up and steps down."
+
+"Oh! I shall not be able to bear her if she does not like them," cried
+Marian.
+
+"I suppose that was the case with Mrs. Lyddell," added Sir Edmund, "that
+she discovered the deficiencies of the old house, as well as brought
+wherewith to remedy them. He does not look like a man given to change."
+
+"He has no such feeling for association as these people," said Lady
+Arundel, pointing to Edmund and Marian; "he felt his position, in the
+country raised by her fortune, and was glad to use any means of adding
+to his consequence."
+
+"I should like to see more of them. I wish we could ask them to stay
+here," said Sir Edmund, with something like a sigh. "But come, had we
+not better go in? The hungry fishers look quite ready for tea."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+  "And now I set thee down to try
+  How thou canst walk alone."
+
+  _Lyra Innocentium_.
+
+
+Scarcely eight months had passed since the last recorded conversation,
+when Marian, in a dress of deep mourning, was slowly pacing the garden
+paths, her eyes fixed on the ground, and an expression of thoughtful
+sadness on her face. Heavy indeed had been the strokes that had fallen
+upon her. Before the last summer had closed, the long sufferings of her
+father had been terminated by one of the violent attacks, which had
+often been expected to be fatal. Nor was this all that she had to mourn.
+With winter had come severe colds and coughs; Lady Arundel was seized
+with an inflammation of the chest, her constitution had been much
+enfeebled by watching, anxiety, and grief, and in a very few days her
+children were orphans.
+
+It was the day following the funeral. Mrs. Wortley was staying in the
+house, as were also the two guardians of the young Sir Gerald Arundel
+and his sister. These were Mr. Lyddell, a relation of Lady Arundel; and
+our former acquaintance, Edmund Arundel, in whom, young as he was, his
+uncle had placed full confidence. He had in fact been entirely brought
+up by Sir Edmund, and knew no other home than Fern Torr, having been
+sent thither an orphan in earliest childhood. His uncle and aunt had
+supplied the place of parents, and had been well rewarded for all they
+had done for him, by his consistent well doing and completely filial
+affection for them.
+
+Marian was startled from her musings by his voice close at hand, saying,
+"All alone, Marian?"
+
+"Gerald is with Jemmy Wortley, somewhere," she replied, "and I begged
+Mrs. Wortley and Agnes to go down the village and leave me alone. I have
+been very busy all the morning, and my head feels quite confused with
+thoughts!"
+
+"I am glad to have found you," said Edmund. "I have seen so little of
+you since I have been here."
+
+"Yes, you have been always with Mr. Lyddell. When does he go?"
+
+"To-morrow morning."
+
+"And you stay longer, I hope?"
+
+"Only till Monday; I wish it was possible to stay longer, but it is
+something to have a Sunday to spend here."
+
+"And then I am afraid it will be a long time before we see you again."
+
+"I hope not; if you are in London, it will be always easier to meet."
+
+"In London! Ah! that reminds me I wanted to ask you what I am to say to
+Selina Marchmont. I have a very kind letter from her, asking us to come
+to stay with her directly, and hoping that it may be arranged for us to
+live with them."
+
+"Ah! I have a letter from her husband to the same effect," said Edmund.
+"It really is very kind and friendly in them."
+
+"Exceedingly," said Marian. "Will you read her letter, and tell me how I
+am to answer her!"
+
+"As to the visit, that depends upon what you like to do yourself. I
+should think that you would prefer staying with the Wortleys, since they
+are so kind as to receive you."
+
+"You don't mean," exclaimed Marian, eagerly, "staying with them for
+ever!"
+
+Edmund shook his head. "No, Marian, I fear that cannot be."
+
+"Then it is as I feared," sighed Marian. "I wonder how it is that I have
+thought so much about myself; but it would come into my head, what was
+to become of us, and I was very much afraid of living with the Lyddells;
+but still there was a little glimmering of hope that you might be able
+to manage to leave us with the Wortleys."
+
+"I heartily wish I could," said Edmund, "but it is out of my power. My
+uncle--"
+
+"Surely papa did not wish us to live with the Lyddells?" cried Marian.
+
+"I do not think he contemplated your living any where but at home."
+
+"But the Vicarage is more like home than any other place could ever be,"
+pleaded Marian, "and papa did not like the Lyddells nearly so well as
+the Wortleys."
+
+"We must abide by his arrangements, rather than our own notions of his
+wishes," said Edmund. "Indeed, I know that he thought Mr. Lyddell a very
+sensible man."
+
+"Then poor Gerald is to grow up away from his own home, and never see
+the dear old moors! But if we cannot stay here, I had rather be with
+Selina. She is so fond of Gerald, and she knows what home was, and she
+knew and loved--them. And we should not meet so many strangers. Only
+think what numbers of Lyddells there are! Boys to make Gerald rude, and
+girls, and a governess--all strangers. And they go to London!" concluded
+poor Marian, reaching the climax of her terrors. "O Edmund, can you do
+nothing for us?"
+
+"You certainly do not embellish matters in anticipation. You will find
+them very different from what you expect--even London itself, which, by
+the by, you would have to endure even if you were with Selina, whom I
+suspect to be rather too fine and fashionable a lady for such a homely
+little Devonshire girl."
+
+"That Mrs. Lyddell will be. She is a very gay person, and they have
+quantities of company. O Edmund!"
+
+"The quantities of company," replied her cousin, "will interfere with
+you far less in your schoolroom with the Miss Lyddells, than alone with
+my Lady Marchmont, where, at your unrecognized age, you would be in
+rather an awkward situation."
+
+"Or I could go to Torquay, to old Aunt Jessie?"
+
+"Aunt Jessie would not be much obliged for the proposal of giving her
+such a charge."
+
+"But I should take care of her, and make her life less dismal and
+lonely."
+
+"That may be very well some years hence, when you are your own mistress:
+but at present I believe the trouble and change of habits which having
+you with her would occasion, would not be compensated by all your
+attention and kindness. Have you written to her yet?"
+
+"No, I do not know how, and I hoped it was one of the letters that you
+undertook for me."
+
+"I think I ought not to relieve you of that. Aunt Jessie is your nearest
+relation; I am sure this has been a great blow to her, and that it has
+cost her much effort to write to you herself. You must not turn her
+letter over to me, like a mere complimentary condolence."
+
+"Very well," said Marian, with a sigh, "though I cannot guess what I
+shall say. And about Selina?"
+
+"You had better write and tell her how you are situated, and I will do
+the same to Lord Marchmont."
+
+"And when must we go to the Lyddells? I thought he meant more than mere
+civility, when he spoke of Oakworthy this morning, at breakfast."
+
+"He spoke of taking you back to London immediately, but I persuaded him
+to wait till they go into Wiltshire, so you need not be rooted up from
+Fern Torr just yet."
+
+"Thank you, that is a great reprieve."
+
+"And do not make up your mind beforehand to be unhappy at Oakworthy.
+Very likely you will take root there, and wonder you ever shrank from
+being transplanted to your new home."
+
+"Never! never! it is cruel to say that any place but this can be like
+home! And you, Edmund, what shall you do, where shall you go, when you
+have leave of absence?"
+
+"I shall never ask for it," said he with an effort, while his eye fell
+on the window of the room which had been his own for so many years, and
+the thought crossed him, "Mine no more." It had been his home, as fully
+as that of his two cousins, but now it was nothing to him; and while
+they had each other to cling to, he stood in the world a lonely man.
+
+Marian perceived his emotion, but rather than seem to notice it, she
+assumed a sort of gaiety. "I'll tell you, Edmund. You shall marry a very
+nice wife, and take some delightful little house somewhere hereabouts,
+and we will come and stay with you till Gerald is of age."
+
+"Which he will be long before I have either house or wife," said Edmund,
+in the same tone, "but mind, Marian, it is a bargain, unless you grow so
+fond of the Lyddells as to retract."
+
+"Impossible."
+
+"Well, I will not strengthen your prejudices by contending with them."
+
+"Prejudice! to say that I can never be as happy anywhere as at my own
+dear home! To say that I cannot bear strangers!"
+
+"If they were to remain strangers for all the years that you are likely
+to spend with them, there might be something in that. But I see you
+cannot bear to be told that you can ever be happy again, so I will not
+say so any more, especially as I must finish my letters."
+
+"And I will try to write mine," said Marian with a sigh, as she reached
+the door, and went up to take off her bonnet.
+
+Edmund lingered for a moment in the hall, and there was met by Mrs.
+Wortley, who said she was glad to see that he had been out, for he was
+looking pale and harassed. "I did not go out for any pleasant purpose,"
+said he. "I had to pronounce sentence on poor Marian."
+
+"Is it finally settled?" said Mrs. Wortley. "We still had hopes of
+keeping her."
+
+"Sir Gerald and Miss Arundel are of too much distinction in Mr.
+Lyddell's eyes to be left to their best friends," said Edmund. "It was
+hard to persuade him not to take possession directly, on the plea of
+change being good for their spirits."
+
+"It is very kind of you to put off the evil day," said Mrs. Wortley; "it
+will be a grievous parting for poor Agnes."
+
+"A grievous business for every one," said Edmund.
+
+"How? Do not you think well of Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell?"
+
+"I know my uncle never thought of these poor children's living with
+them. He thought Mr. Lyddell a good man of business, but neither he nor
+my aunt ever dreamed of such a home for them."
+
+"Would they have preferred Lady Marchmont's? Marian is very fond of
+her, and was much gratified by a very nice affectionate letter that she
+received this morning."
+
+"Yes, but I am glad she is out of the question. It is offering a great
+deal both on her part and her husband's to take charge of these two, but
+it would never do. She is almost a child herself,--a bride and beauty
+under twenty,--excessively admired, very likely to have her head turned.
+No, it would be too absurd. All her kindness, amiability, desire to make
+Marian her friend and companion, would only serve to do harm."
+
+"Yes, you are right; yet I cannot help half wishing it could be, if it
+was only to save poor Marian her terrors of going among strangers."
+
+"I know exactly how it will be," said Edmund. "She will shut herself
+up in a double proof case of shyness and reserve. They will never
+understand her, nor she them."
+
+"But that cannot go on for ever."
+
+"No; and perhaps it might be better if it could."
+
+"Well, but do you really know anything against them? He seems inclined
+to be very kind and considerate."
+
+"Electioneering courtesy," said Edmund. "But now you begin to question
+me, I cannot say that my--my mistrust shall I call it--or aversion? is
+much better founded than the prejudices I have been scolding poor Marian
+for. Perhaps it is only that I am jealous of them, and cannot think any
+one out of Fern Torr worthy to bring up my uncle's children. All I know
+of them is, that Mrs. Lyddell was heiress to a rich banker, she goes out
+a good deal in London, and the only time that I met her I thought her
+clever and agreeable. In their own county I believe she is just what a
+popular member's wife should be--I don't mean popular in the sense of
+radical. I think I have heard too something about the eldest son not
+turning out well; but altogether, you see, I have not grounds enough to
+justify any opposition to their desire of having the children."
+
+"How are they as to Church principles?"
+
+"That I really cannot tell. I should think they troubled themselves very
+little about the matter, and would only dislike any thing strong either
+way. If my aunt had but been able to make some arrangement! No doubt it
+was upon her mind when she asked so often for me!"
+
+"Yes, but there is this comfort," said Mrs. Wortley, seeing him much
+troubled, "that she did not seem to make herself anxious and restless on
+their account. She trusted them, and so may we."
+
+"Yes, that is all that one can come to," said Edmund, sighing deeply.
+"But Gerald! One pities Marian the most now, but it is a more serious
+matter for him."
+
+"Gerald will be more in your power than his sister," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"As if that was much comfort," said Edmund, half smiling, then again
+sighing, "when even for my own concerns I miss my uncle's advice at
+every turn. And probably I may have to go on foreign service next year."
+
+"Then he will be at school."
+
+"Yes. He was not to have gone till he was ten years old, but I shall try
+to hasten it now. He must go with his sister to Oakworthy though, for to
+begin without him there would be complete desolation in her eyes."
+
+Here the conversation was concluded by Marian's coming down to write her
+painfully composed letters. That to her cousin, Lady Marchmont, who,
+as Selina Grenville, had been a frequent and favourite visitor at the
+manor, ran glibly enough off the pen, and the two or three quiet tears
+that blotted the paper, fell from a feeling of affection rather than of
+regret; but the letter to old Mrs. Jessie Arundel, her great aunt, and
+one or two others which Edmund had desired her to write, were works of
+time. Marian's feelings were seldom freely expressed even to those whom
+she loved best, and to write down expressions of grief, affection, or
+gratitude, as a matter of course, was positively repugnant to her.
+
+The great work was not finished till late, and then came in Gerald and
+Agnes, and the tea drinking among themselves was rendered cheerful by
+Agnes' anticipations of pleasure in their going the next day to the
+parsonage for a long visit. Gerald began to play with her, and soon got
+into quite high spirits, and Marian herself had smiled, nay, almost
+laughed, before the gentlemen came in from the dining room, when the
+presence of Mr. Lyddell cast over her a cloud of dull dread and silence,
+so that she did not through the rest of the evening raise her head three
+inches from her book.
+
+Yet as Mrs. Wortley had said, Mr. Lyddell was evidently inclined to be
+kind to her and her brother. He patted Gerald on the head as he wished
+him good night, and said good-naturedly to Marian that she must be great
+friends with his girls, Caroline and Clara.
+
+Marian tried to look civil, but could not find an answer both sincere
+and polite, and Mrs. Wortley, speaking for her, asked if they were
+nearly of the same age as she was.
+
+"Well, I can't exactly tell," said Mr. Lyddell. "I should think she was
+between them. You are thirteen, aren't you, Marian? Well, Caroline may
+be a couple of years older, and Clara--I know her birthday was the other
+day, for I had to make her a present,--but how old she was I can't
+exactly recollect, whether it was twelve or thirteen. So you see you
+will not want for companions at Oakworthy, and you will be as happy
+there as your poor mamma used to be in the old house. Many was the laugh
+she has had there with my poor sister, and now they are both gone--well,
+there, I did not mean to overset you,--but--"
+
+Marian could not bear it. She could talk of her mother to Mrs. Wortley,
+Agnes, or Edmund, with complete composure, but she could not bear Mr.
+Lyddell's hearty voice trying, as she thought, at sentiment, and forcing
+the subject upon her, and without a word or a look she hurried out of
+the room, and did not come back all the evening. Agnes followed her,
+and pitied her, and thought Mr. Lyddell should have said nothing of the
+kind, and sat down over the fire with her in her own room to read hymns.
+
+The next day Mr. Lyddell left Fern Torr, and Marian was so glad to
+gee him depart as to be able to endure much better his invitations to
+Oakworthy. That same day Marian and Gerald went to the parsonage, and
+Edmund, after spending a quiet Sunday at Fern Torr, bade them farewell
+on the Monday morning.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+  "Where once we dwelt our name is heard no more,
+  Children not thine 'may tread' my nurseryfloor."
+
+  COWPER.
+
+
+The way of life at Fern Torr parsonage was so quiet as to afford few
+subjects for narration. Mrs. Wortley was a gentle, sensible person, very
+fond of Marian and Gerald, both for their own sake and their mother's,
+and to be with her was to them as like being at home as anything could
+be. Agnes was quite wrapped up in her friend, whom she pitied so
+heartily, and was to lose so soon. She had known no troubles except
+through Marian, she reverenced Marian's griefs, and in her respect for
+them was inclined to spoil her not a little. Then, through nothing
+against the Lyddells had ever been said to Agnes, she had caught
+all Marian's prejudiced dislike to them, and sometimes in lively
+exaggeration, sometimes in grave condolence, talked of them "as these
+horrid people."
+
+Marian felt every day was precious as it passed, and the time seemed to
+her far less than two months, when one day there arrived a letter from
+Mrs. Lyddell to announce that the family were about to leave London, and
+in the course of a week Mr. Lyddell would come to fetch her and Gerald
+to Oakworthy.
+
+The letter was kindly expressed, but this was lost upon Marian in the
+pain its purport gave her, and the difficulty of composing an answer.
+She chose her smallest sheet of writing-paper with the deepest black
+edge, wrote as widely as she could, and used the longest words, but with
+all Mrs. Wortley's suggestions, she could not eke out what she had to
+say beyond the first page. She would not even send her love to her
+cousins, for she said she could have no particular affection for them,
+and to express any pleasure in the prospect of seeing so many strangers
+would be an actual untruth.
+
+What a week was that which followed! Marian loved her home with that
+enthusiasm which especially belongs to the inhabitants of mountainous
+districts, and still more acutely did she feel the separation from all
+that reminded her of her parents. If she had not had Gerald to go with
+her she did not know how she could have borne it, but Gerald, her own
+beautiful brother, with his chestnut curls, dark bright eyes, sweet
+temper, and great cleverness and goodness, he must be a comfort to her
+wherever she was. Gerald was one of those children who seem to have a
+peculiar atmosphere of bright grace and goodness around them, who make
+beautiful earnest sayings in their simplicity which are treasured up by
+their friends, who, while regarding them with joy and something like
+veneration, watch them likewise with fear and trembling. Thus had his
+mother looked upon Gerald, and thus in some degree did Mrs. Wortley; but
+Marian had nothing but pride, joy, and confidence in him, unalloyed save
+now and then by the secret, half superstitious fear that such goodness
+might mark him for early death.
+
+By Marian's own especial desire, she went to almost every cottage to
+take leave, but all she could do was to stand with her head averted and
+her lips compressed, while Mrs. Wortley spoke for her. Her next task was
+to look over the boxes and drawers at the manor house, in case it should
+be let; for no one else could be trusted to decide what hoards of highly
+prized trifles should be locked up, and what must be thrown away. She
+alone could choose the little keepsakes to be given to old servants and
+village friends, and she must select what she would take to Oakworthy.
+
+She stood lingering before each picture, viewing the old familiar
+furniture with loving eyes, and sighing at the thought that strangers
+would alter the arrangements, look carelessly or critically on her
+father's portrait, think her wild garden a collection of weeds, and root
+up the flowering fern which Edmund had helped her to transplant. She
+went into her own room, and felt almost ready to hate the person who
+might occupy it; she lay down on the bed, and looking up at the same
+branch of lime tree, and the same piece of sky which had met her eyes
+every morning, she mused there till she was roused by hearing Gerald's
+voice very loud in the nursery. Hastening thither, she found him
+insisting that his collection of stones and spars was much too precious
+to mend the roads with, as their maid Saunders proposed, and Agnes
+settling the matter satisfactorily by offering to take them to adorn a
+certain den in the vicarage garden with. The ponies were to be turned
+out to grass, the rabbits were bestowed on James Wortley, and Ranger
+was to be kept at the vicarage till Edmund could come and fetch him,
+together with his books, which Marian had to look out, and she found it
+a service of difficulty, since "Edmund Gerald" could scarcely be said to
+answer the purpose of a proper name in the Arundel family.
+
+The last day at home arrived, the eve of S. James. Marian went to
+prepare her class at the weekly school, resolved to do just as usual to
+the last. She had to read them the conversation on S. James's Day in
+"Fasts and Festivals," but she could hardly get through with it, the
+separation between early friends reminded her so much of herself and
+Agnes, and then the comparison of the two roads, one in burning and
+scorching sunshine, the other in the cool fresh shade, almost overset
+her, for though she could not tell why, she chose to be persuaded that
+the first must be hers. But they both ended in the same place. She felt
+tears coming into her eyes, but she kept them down, and went on reading
+in a steady monotonous voice, as if the meaning was nothing to her; she
+asked the children questions in a dry, grave, matter-of-fact way, as if
+she had not the slightest interest in them or in the subject, though her
+heart was full of affection to the dullest and roughest among them, and
+when she went away, her nod, and "well, good morning," to the school
+mistress were several shades further from warmth than usual.
+
+All the way back from the school she was eagerly telling Agnes exactly
+the point where she left each child in her class, and begging her to
+say the kind things which she meant to have said to Grace Knight, the
+mistress.
+
+Agnes laughed and said, "I hope she will take my word for it all. Why
+could you not speak to her? At least I thought you were not afraid of
+her."
+
+"I don't know," said Marian. "I thought I could, but it is very odd. You
+see, Agnes, how it is; the more I care, the more I can't speak, and I
+can't help it."
+
+"Well, don't be unhappy about it," said Agnes. "I know what you mean,
+and am ready to take you as you are, and if other people don't, it is
+their own fault."
+
+Agnes was rather too fond of Marian to be exactly right here, for it was
+not at all a good thing that she should be encouraged in a reserve which
+led her not always to do as she would be done by.
+
+The two girls came in, lingered in each other's rooms while they
+dressed, and at last were called down stairs by Mrs. Wortley, who was
+ready to finish with them the last chapter of the book they had been
+reading aloud together. Gerald sat in the window, his friend Jemmy
+hanging over him, and the two together composing a marvellous
+battlepiece, in which Gerald drew horses, men, cannon, and arrows, and
+Jemmy, like a small Homer, suggested the various frightful wounds they
+should be receiving, and the attitudes in which they should fall. The
+general, with a tremendous Turkish sabre, an immense cocked hat, and
+a horse with very stiff legs, was just being represented receiving an
+unfortunate-looking prisoner, considerably spotted with vermillion
+paint, when a sound of wheels was heard, and both boys starting up,
+exclaimed, "Here he comes!"
+
+He, as Marian knew full well, was Mr. Lyddell; and a chilliness came
+over her as he entered, tall, broad, ruddy, treading heavily, and
+speaking loudly: and Gerald pressed close to her, squeezing her hand
+so tight that she could hardly withdraw it to shake hands with her
+guardian. With one hand he held her cold reluctant fingers, with the
+other gave Gerald's head a patronizing pat. "Well, my dears, how d'ye
+do? quite well? and ready to start with me to-morrow? That is right.
+Caroline and Clara have had their heads full of nothing but you this
+long time--only wanted to have come with me."
+
+Here Marian succeeded in drawing back her hand, and retreated to the
+window; Gerald was creeping after her, but Mr. Lyddell laid hold of his
+chin, and drew him back, saying. "What, shy, my man? we shall cure you
+at Oakworthy My boys will give you no peace if they see you getting into
+your sister's pocket."
+
+Gerald disengaged himself, and made a rapid retreat. It was a long time
+before he again appeared, and when Mrs. the housekeeper at the Manor
+House, came down in the course of the evening to say good-bye, she said,
+"And ma'am, where do you think I found that dear child, Sir Gerald, not
+two hours ago?" She wiped away a gush of tears, and went on. "I thought
+I heard a noise in the drilling room, and went to see, and there, ma'am,
+was the dear little fellow lying on the floor, the bare boards, for the
+carpet is taken up, you know, Miss Marian, before his papa's picture,
+crying and sobbing as if his heart would break. But as soon as I opened
+the door, and he saw me, he snatched up his hat, and jumped out at the
+open window, which he had come in by, I suppose, for I never heard him
+open the door."
+
+Marian, after her usual fashion, had no reply, but it was pleasant to
+her to think of what had taken place, since Gerald had not in general
+shown much concern at the leaving home.
+
+They all met at breakfast next morning; Marian, was firmly determined
+against crying, and by dint of squeezing up her lips, and not uttering a
+word, succeeded in keeping her resolution; but poor Agnes could eat no
+breakfast, and did nothing but cry, till Mr. Lyddell, by saying that her
+tears were a great honour both to herself and Marian, entirely checked
+them.
+
+"I hope," said Mr. Wortley, "that Mrs. Lyddell will not be very strict
+in inquiring into the quantity of Marian's idle correspondence. The
+friends there mean to console themselves with multitudes of letters."
+
+"Oh, certainly, certainly," said Mr. Lyddell. "Old friends for ever! So
+mind, Marian, I mean to be very angry if you forget to write to Miss
+Wortley."
+
+"Thank you," said Marian, knowing that she was saying something silly,
+and trying to smile.
+
+"Come, then," said Mr. Lyddell, "thank your friends once more for their
+kindness, and let us be going."
+
+Thanks from Marian were out of the question, and she tried to get out
+of hearing of the sentences beginning, "I am sure we shall always be
+sensible," "Nothing could be kinder," which her guardian was pouring
+out. She moved with Agnes to the door: the summer sky was deeply blue,
+without a cloud, the fresh green branches of the trees stood up against
+it as if bathed in light, the flower beds were glowing with gay
+blossoms, Gerald and Jemmy were playing with Ranger under the verandah,
+and the Church bells rang cheerfully for morning service, but alas! at
+the gate was the carriage, Saunders sitting sobbing on the outside,
+and David Chapple, Mr. Wortley's man, standing on one leg on the step
+talking to her. Near at hand was the gardener from the Manor House,
+waiting with his hands full of Miss Arundel's favourite flowers, and
+there stood old Betty Lapthorn and her grandchild, Gerald's nurse who
+had married, and the old man to whom the children had so often carried
+the remains of their dinner; all the school children too, and Grace in
+the middle of them, waiting for the last view of Miss Arundel and little
+Sir Gerald.
+
+Mr. Lyddell finished his acknowledgments, and Marian and her brother
+received an embrace and good-bye from their friends, David jumped down
+and shut the door, Saunders sobbed aloud, there was another good-bye
+from each of the Wortleys, and a hearty response from Gerald, Mr.
+Lyddell called out, "All right," and away they went.
+
+On went the carriage, past the Church, with its open door and pealing
+bell, the rocky steps up to the Manor House, nestled in the shrubs, the
+well known trees, the herds of longhorned, red cattle, the grey stone
+cottages, and the women and tiny children at the doors, the ford through
+the sparkling shallow brook, the hill with the great limestone quarry,
+the kiln so like a castle, the river and its bridge of one narrow, high
+pitched, ivy grown arch, the great rod rock, remembered as having been
+the limit of papa's last drive, the farm house in the winding valley
+beyond, with its sloping orchard and home field, the last building in
+the parish. They drove through the little market town, slowly wound up
+the heights beyond, looked down into the broad, beautiful space where
+the river Exe winds its blue course amid wood, field, and castled hill,
+descended, losing sight of the last of the Torrs, glanced at Exeter and
+its Cathedral, arrived at the station, and there, while waiting hand in
+hand on the platform, gazing at the carriage, and starting at each puff,
+snort, cough, and shriek of the engines, Marian and Gerald did indeed
+feel themselves severed from the home of their childhood.
+
+It was not till the afternoon that they left the railroad, and then they
+had a two hours' drive through a country which Marian found very unlike
+her own: the bleak, bare downs of Wiltshire, low green hills rising
+endlessly one after the other, the white road visible far away before
+them, the chalk pits white and cold, a few whitey brown ponds now and
+then, and at long intervals a farm house, looking as if it had been set
+down there by mistake, and did not like it, carts full of chalk, and
+flocks of sheep the chief moving objects they met, and not many of them.
+
+Marian sighed, yawned, and looked at Gerald many a time before they at
+length came to a small, very neat-looking town, where the houses stood
+far back from the street, and had broad clean pavement in front of them.
+"This is Oakworthy," said Mr. Lyddell, and Marian looked with interest.
+The church was just outside the town, white, and clean looking, like
+everything else, and with a spire. That was all she could see, for they
+drove on by the side of a long park wall, enclosing a fir plantation.
+The gate of a pretty lodge was thrown back, and they entered upon a
+gravelled carriage-road, which, after some windings, led to a large
+house, built of white brick, regular and substantial. They stopped under
+the portico at the door, and Mr. Lyddell, as he handed Marian out of the
+carriage, exclaimed, "Welcome to Oakworthy Park!"
+
+It seemed to Marian that there was a whole crowd waiting for her in the
+hall, and she had received at least three kisses before she had time to
+look around her, and perceive that this formidable troop consisted of a
+tall, fresh-coloured lady, two girls, and two little boys. Each of
+the girls eagerly grasped one of her hands, and drew her into the
+drawing-room, exclaiming, "I am glad you are come!" Here were two more
+strangers, youths of the age at which their juniors call them men, and
+their seniors, boys. They did not trouble the guests with any particular
+demonstrations of welcome, only shaking hands with them carelessly, and
+after another moment or two Marian found herself sitting on a chair,
+very stiffly and upright, while Gerald stood about two feet from her,
+afraid of a second accusation of getting into her pocket, looking down,
+and twisting the handles of her basket.
+
+"Lionel, Johnny," said Mrs. Lyddell, "have you nothing to say to your
+cousin? Come here, my dear, and tell me, were you very sorry to leave
+Fern Torr?"
+
+Gerald coloured and looked at his sister, who replied by a hesitating,
+faltering, "Yes, very."
+
+"Ah! yes, I see," said Mrs. Lyddell, "but you will soon be at home
+here. It shall not be my fault or your cousins' if you are not,--eh,
+Caroline?"
+
+"Indeed it shall not," returned Caroline, again taking Marian's hand,
+at first pressing it cordially, but letting it go on feeling the limp,
+passive fingers, which were too shy and frightened to return the
+pressure.
+
+Mr. Lyddell came in, and while his wife was engaged in speaking to him,
+Marian had time to make her observations, for the chilling embarrassment
+of her manner had repelled the attentions of her cousins. Though she had
+never seen them before, she knew enough about them to be able to fit the
+names to the persons she saw before her, and make a few conjectures as
+to how she would like them.
+
+That youth in the odd-looking, rough, shapeless coat, yet with a certain
+expensive, fashionable air about the rest of his dress, who stood
+leaning against the chimney-piece in a nonchalant attitude, was
+her eldest cousin, Elliot Lyddell. The other, a great contrast in
+appearance, small, slender, and pale, with near-sighted spectacles
+over his weak, light grey eyes, dressed with scrupulous precision and
+quietness, who had retreated to the other end of the room and taken up
+a book, was Walter. The elder girl, Caroline, was about fifteen, a very
+pleasing likeness of her mother, with a brilliant complexion, bright
+blue eyes, and a remarkably lively and pleasant smile, which Marian was
+so much taken with, that she wished she could have found something to
+say, but the dress and air both gave her the appearance of being older
+than Agnes, and thus made Marian feel as if she was a great way above
+and beyond her. The other sister had a fair, pretty face, much more
+childish, with beautiful glossy light hair, and something sweet and
+gentle in her expression, and Marian felt warmly towards her because she
+was her mother's god-child, and bore the same name.
+
+The younger boys, Lionel and John, were nice-looking little fellows of
+nine and seven. They had drawn towards Walter, gazing all the time at
+Gerald, and all parties were rejoiced when Mrs. Lyddell, after a few
+more attempts at conversation, proposed to take the guests to their
+rooms.
+
+With a light, quick step, she led the way up two staircases and a long
+passage, to a good-sized, comfortable room intended for Marian, while
+Gerald's was just opposite. With a civil welcome to Saunders, kind hopes
+that Marian would make herself at home, and information that dinner
+would he ready at seven, she left the room, and Saunders proceeded with
+the young lady's toilette. Gerald stood gazing from the window at the
+trees and little glimpse of the town in the distance. He said little,
+and seemed rather forlorn till leave was given him to unpack some goods
+which he could not easily damage. Just as Marian was dressed, there was
+a knock at the door, and without waiting for an answer, Caroline
+and Clara entered, the former saying, "I hope you find everything
+comfortable: you see we make you quite at home, and stand on no
+ceremony."
+
+It was pleasantly said, but Marian only gave a constrained smile, and
+answered, "Thank you," in such an awkward, cold way, that Caroline was
+thrown back. Her sister, only conscious of freedom from the restraints
+of the drawing-room, began exclaiming in short sentences, "O what a
+pretty basket! so you have out your work already! what a lovely pattern!
+how quick you have been in dressing! we came to see how you were getting
+on. O what is this pretty box? do let me see."
+
+"A work-box," said Marian, by no means disposed to turn out all the
+small treasures it contained for Clara's inspection.--Caroline perceived
+this, and said with a little reproof to Clara,
+
+"You curious child! Perhaps Marian would like to come and see the
+schoolroom before going down."
+
+"Oh, yes," said Clara; "you must come. You have not seen Miss Morley
+yet,--our governess,--poor, unfortunate, faithful Morley, as we always
+call her."
+
+This manner of mentioning the governess, and before Saunders too,
+greatly surprised Marian, and she felt little inclination to face
+another stranger; but she could think of no valid objection, and allowed
+herself and Gerald to be conducted down one of the flights of stairs
+into a passage less decorated than the rest of the house. Clara threw
+open a door, calling out, "Here they are!" and Marian found herself in
+the presence of a little, nicely dressed lady, who looked very little
+older than Caroline, and had a very good-natured face. Coming forward
+with a smile, she said, "Miss Arundel, I believe. I hope you are quite
+well, and not tired. Sir Gerald, how d'ye do? We shall be good friends,
+I am sure."
+
+Gerald shook hands, and Marian thought she ought to do so too; but it
+had not been her first impulse, and it was too late, so she only made
+a stiff bend of head and knee. Clara, happily unconscious of the
+embarrassment with which Marian had infected Caroline, went on talking
+fast and freely:
+
+"So, you see, this is the schoolroom. There is Caroline's desk, and here
+is mine; and we have made room for you here. I suppose you have a desk.
+And here are all our books, and our chiffonniere; Caroline has one side
+and I the other. Oh, I must show you my last birthday presents. Ah!
+aren't we lucky to have got such a nice view of the terrace and the
+portico from here! We can always see the people coming to dinner, and
+when the gentlemen go out riding, it is such fun, and--"
+
+"My dear Clara," interposed Miss Morley, seeing Marian's bewildered
+looks, "your cousin is not used to such a chatterbox. I assure you,
+Miss Arundel, that Clara has been quite wild for the last week with the
+prospect of seeing you. I have actually not known what to do with her."
+
+Marian gave one of her awkward smiles, and said nothing.
+
+"You left Devonshire this morning, I think?" said Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes, we did."
+
+"Fern Torr is in a very beautiful part of the country, is it not?"
+
+"Yes, very."
+
+They were getting on at this rate when Mrs. Lyddell came in, and took
+Marian and Gerald down to the drawing-room with her, as it was almost
+dinner time. No sooner had the door closed behind them, than governess
+and pupils at once exclaimed, "How pale!" "how shy!" "how awkward!"
+
+"I dare say that is only shyness," said Caroline, "but I must say I
+never saw anything so stiff and chilly."
+
+"Yes, that she is," said Clara, "but it's only shyness; I am sure she is
+a dear girl. But how white she is! I thought she would have been pretty,
+because they say the Arundels are all so handsome."
+
+"She has fine eyes," said Miss Motley; "and that dear little Sir Gerald,
+I am sure we shall all be in love with him."
+
+"Well, I hope we may get on better in time," said Caroline, taking up a
+book, and settling herself in a most luxurious attitude in spite of the
+unaccommodating furniture of the schoolroom.
+
+Marian recovered a little at dinner, and was not quite so monosyllabic
+in her replies. Her netting was a great resource when she went into the
+drawing-room after dinner, and she began to feel a little less rigid and
+confused, made some progress in acquaintance with Clara, and when she
+went to bed was not without hopes of, in time, liking both her and
+Caroline very much.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+  "A place where others are at home,
+  But all are strange to me."
+
+  _Lyra Innocentium._
+
+
+Marian began the next morning by wondering what a Sunday at Oakworthy
+would be like, but she was glad the formidable first meeting was over,
+and greeted Gerald cheerfully when he came into the room.
+
+After a few minutes a bell rang, and Marian, thinking it must be for
+family prayers, hastened into the passage, wondering at herself for
+not having asked last night where she was to go. She was glad to meet
+Caroline coming out of her room, and after quickly exchanging a "good
+morning," she said, "Was that the bell for prayers?"
+
+"No, it was for the servants' breakfast," said Caroline "and for ours in
+the schoolroom too."
+
+"But don't you have prayers in the morning?" said Gerald,
+
+"No," answered Caroline gravely.
+
+"Why not," the little boy was beginning but Marian pressed his hand
+to check him, shocked herself, and sorry for Caroline's sake that the
+question had been asked.
+
+Caroline spoke rather hurriedly, "I wish we could, but you see papa is
+out so often, and there are so many people staying here sometimes: and
+in London, papa is so late at the House--it is very unlucky, but it
+would not do, it is all so irregular."
+
+"What?" said Clara, hopping down stairs behind them. "O, about prayers!
+We have not had any in the school room since Miss Cameron's time."
+
+"Miss Cameron used to read a chapter and pray with us afterwards," said
+Caroline; "but when she was gone, mamma said she did not like the book
+she used."
+
+"Besides, it was three quarters out of her own head, and that wasn't
+fair, for she used to go on such a monstrous time," said Clara.
+
+"Hush, Clara," said her sister, "and mamma has never found a book she
+does think quite fit."
+
+"There's the Prayer Book," said Gerald.
+
+"O that is only for Church," said Clara, opening the schoolroom door;
+"O she is not here! Later than ever. Well, Marian, what do you think of
+her?"
+
+"Of whom?" asked Marian.
+
+"Of poor unfortunate faithful Morley," said Clara.
+
+"You call her so after Queen Anne?"
+
+"Yes," said Caroline, "and you will see how well the name suits her when
+you are fully initiated."
+
+"But does she like it?"
+
+"Like it?" and Clara fell into a violent fit of laughing, calling out to
+Lionel, who just then came in, "Here is Marian asking if we call Miss
+Morley 'poor unfortunate' whenever we speak to her."
+
+"She is coming," said Lionel, and Clara sunk her boisterous laughter
+into a titter, evident enough to occasion Miss Morley to ask what
+made them so merry, but the only answer she received was from Lionel,
+"Something funny," and then both he and Clara burst out again into
+laughter, his open, and hers smothered.
+
+Marian looked amazed. "Ah! you are not used to such ways," said the
+governess; "Clara and Lionel are sometimes sad creatures."
+
+Breakfast took a very long time, and before it was quite over, Mrs.
+Lyddell came in, spoke in her rapid, good-natured tone to Marian and
+Gerald, and remarked rather sharply to Miss Morley that she thought they
+grew later and later every Sunday. Nevertheless, no one went on at all
+the faster after she was gone. Miss Morley continued her talk with
+Caroline and Clara about some young friends of theirs in London, and
+Lionel and Johnny went on playing tricks with their bread and butter,
+accompanied by a sort of secret teasing of Clara. Nothing brought them
+absolutely to a conclusion till one of the servants appeared in order to
+take away the things, and unceremoniously bore away John's last piece of
+bread and cup of tea.
+
+Johnny looked up at the man and made a face at him; Miss Morley shook
+her head, and Caroline said, "How can you be so naughty, Johnny? it
+serves you quite right, and I only wish it happened every morning."
+
+"Come, Gerald, and see the ponies," said Lionel.
+
+"My dears," said Miss Morley, "you know your mamma never likes you to go
+out before Church especially to the stables; you only get hot, and you
+make us late with waiting for you."
+
+"Nobody asked you to wait for us," said John. "Come, Gerald."
+
+"No, I see Sir Gerald is a good little boy, and is coming steadily with
+us," said Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes, Gerald, do," said Marian.
+
+"There will be plenty of time by and by," said Gerald, sitting down
+again.
+
+"O very well," said John. "Well, if you won't, I will; I want to see
+Elliot's colt come in from exercising, and he will be sure to be there
+himself now."
+
+Lionel and Johnny ran off, Caroline looked distressed, and went out into
+the passage leaving the door open. Walter was coming along it, and as
+she met him, she said, "Walter, the boys are off to the stable again;
+we shall have just such a fuss as we had last Sunday if you cannot stop
+them. Is Elliot there again?"
+
+"I am afraid he is," said Walter.
+
+"Then there is no chance!" said Caroline, retreating; but at that moment
+Lionel and John came clattering down from their own distant abode at the
+top of the house. "Who likes to walk with me through, the plantations to
+Church?" said Walter; "I was coming to ask if you liked to show that way
+to Gerald."
+
+Lionel and John, who had a real respect for Walter, thought it best to
+keep silence on their disobedient designs, and accept the kind offer.
+Gerald gladly joined them, and off they set. Miss Morley, Caroline, and
+Clara, had all gone different ways, and Marian remained, leaning her
+forehead against the window, thinking what her own dear Sunday-school
+class were doing at Fern Torr, and feeling very disconsolate. She had
+stood in this manner for some minutes when Clara came to tell her it was
+time to prepare for Church, followed her to her room, and contrived to
+make more remarks on her dress than Marian could have thought could
+possibly have been bestowed on a plain black crape bonnet and mantle.
+
+Through all the rather long walk, Clara still kept close to her, telling
+who every one was, and talking incessantly, till she felt almost
+confused, and longed for the quietness of the church. Mr. Lyddell's pew
+was a high, square box, curtained round, with a table and a stove, so
+that she hardly felt as if she was in church, and she was surprised not
+to see Elliot Lyddell there.
+
+They had to walk quickly back after the service, dine hurriedly, and
+then set off again for the afternoon service. Miss Morley sighed, and
+said that the second long hot walk almost killed her, and she went so
+slowly that the schoolroom party all came in late. They found no one in
+the pew but Mrs. Lyndell and Walter, and Marian once more sighed and
+wondered.
+
+On coming home, Miss Morley went in to rest, but as it was now cool and
+pleasant, her pupils stayed out a little longer to show the park and
+garden. They were very desirous of making the Arundels admire all they
+saw, and Lionel and John were continually asking, "Have you anything
+like that at Fern Torr?"
+
+Gerald, jealous for the honor of home, was magnificent in his
+descriptions, and unconscious that he was talking rhodomontade.
+According to him, his park took in a whole mountain, his house was quite
+as large and much handsomer than Mr. Lyddell's, the garden was like the
+hanging gardens of Babylon, and greenhouses were never wanted there, for
+"all sorts of things" would grow in the open air. His cousins were so
+amazed that they would hardly attend to Marian's explanations, and
+thought her description of the myrtle, which reached to the top of the
+house, as fabulous as his hanging gardens.
+
+"And, Marian, what do you think of this place?" asked Clara.
+
+After some pressing, the following reply was extracted:--"It is so shut
+in with fir-trees, but I suppose you want them to hide the town, and
+there is nothing to see if they were away."
+
+"O Marian!" said Caroline, "when we showed you the beautiful view over
+the high gate."
+
+"But there was no hill, and no wood, and no water."
+
+"Did you not see Oakworthy Hill?"
+
+"That tame green thing!" said Marian.
+
+"The truth is," said Johnny, "that she likes it the best all the time,
+only she won't own it."
+
+"Nonsense, Johnny," replied Lionel, "every one likes their own
+home best, and I like Marian for not pretending to be polite and
+nonsensical."
+
+"And I tell you," said Gerald, "that you never saw anything so good as
+my Manor house in your whole life."
+
+Here they went in, and Marian gently said to Gerald as they came
+into her room, "I wish you would not say _my_, Gerald, it seems like
+boasting. My park--my house--"
+
+Gerald hung his head, and the colour came deeply into his cheeks.
+"Marian," said he, "you know how I wish it wasn't mine now," and the
+tears were in his eyes. "But they boast over me, and they ought not, for
+I'm Sir--"
+
+"Oh! hush, Gerald. You used never to like to hear yourself called so,
+because it put you in mind--. Yes, I know they boast; but this is not
+the way to stop them, it only makes them go on; and what does it signify
+to you? it does not make this place really better than home."
+
+"Yes, but I want them to know it."
+
+"But you should not want to set yourself up above them. If you don't
+answer, and, let them say what nonsense they please, it would be the
+best way, and the right way, and so you would humble yourself, which is
+what we must all do Gerald."
+
+Gerald was silenced, but looked dissatisfied; however, there was no
+more time to talk, for Clara came to say that tea was almost ready, and
+Marian rang for Saunders. Gerald looked as if he was meditating when
+first they sat down to tea, and after some little time he abruptly
+began, "I don't like your church at all. It is just like a room, and
+nobody makes any noise."
+
+"Nobody makes any noise," repeated Caroline, smiling; "is that Fern Torr
+fashion?"
+
+"I do not mean exactly a noise," said Gerald, "but people read their
+verse of the psalm, and say Amen, and all that, quite loud. They don't
+leave it all to the clerk in his odd voice."
+
+Lionel mimicked the clerk so drolly, that in spite of "Don't, my dear,"
+and "O! Lionel," nobody could help laughing; and Johnny added an
+imitation of the clerk at their church in London. After the mirth was
+over, Gerald went on, "Why does not every one say Amen here?"
+
+"Like so many charity children," said Lionel, with a nasal drawl.
+
+"No, indeed!" cried Gerald, indignantly; "Edmund does it, and
+everybody."
+
+"Everybody! as if you could tell, who never went to church in your life,
+except at that little poky place," said Johnny,
+
+Gerald's colour rose, but Marian's eye met his, and he remembered what
+she had said, and answered quietly, "I don't know whether Fern Torr is
+poky, but it is a place where people are taught to behave well."
+
+"Capital, Gerald, excellent!" cried Caroline, laughing heartily, "that
+is a hit, Lionel, for you!" while Gerald looked round him, amazed at the
+applause with which his speech, made in all simplicity, was received.
+
+As soon as tea was over, Miss Morley called Lionel and John to repeat
+the Catechism, and added doubtfully, "Perhaps Sir Gerald would rather
+wait for next Sunday."
+
+"O no, thank you," said Marian, "we always say it."
+
+"You need not, Marian," said Caroline, "we never do, only it would be so
+troublesome for the boys to have to learn it at school."
+
+"I should like to say it if Miss Morley has no objection," said Marian.
+
+"Oh! yes, certainly," was the answer. "See, Lionel, there is an example
+for you."
+
+Marian and Gerald stood upright, with their hands behind them, just as
+they had stood every Sunday since they could speak; Lionel was astride
+on the music stool, spinning round and round, and Johnny balancing
+himself with one leg on the floor, and one hand on the window sill. When
+the first question was asked, the grave voice that replied, "Edmund
+Gerald," was drowned in a loud shout--
+
+  "Jack Lyddell, Jack Lyddell,
+  Shall play on the fiddle"--
+
+evidently an old worn out joke, brought to life again in the hope of
+making the grave cousins laugh, instead of which they stood aghast. Miss
+Morley only said imploringly, "Now, Johnny, my dear boy, _do_," and
+proceeded to the next question. Throughout the two boys were careless
+and painfully irreverent, and the governess, annoyed and ashamed,
+hurried on as fast as she could, in order to put an end to the
+unpleasant scene. When it was over she greatly admired the correctness
+of Gerald's answers, seeming to think it extraordinary that he should
+not have made a single mistake; whereas Marian would have been surprised
+if he had. Gerald whispered to his sister as they went down to the
+drawing-room, "Would it not be fun to see what Mr. Wortley would say to
+Lionel and Johnny, if he had them in his class?"
+
+On Monday, Marian and Gerald began to fall into the habits of the place,
+and to learn the ways of their cousins, though it was many years before
+they could be said really to understand them.
+
+Of their guardian himself, they found they should see very little, for
+their four schoolroom companions, his own children, had but little
+intercourse with him. Sometimes, indeed, Johnny, who enjoyed the
+privileges of the youngest, would make a descent upon him, and obtain
+some pleasure or some present, or at least a game of play; and sometimes
+Lionel fell into great disgrace, and was brought to him for reproof, but
+Caroline and Clara only saw him now and then in the evening, and never
+seemed to look to him as the friend and approver that Marian thought all
+fathers were. As to Miss Morley, she had only spoken twice to him since
+she had been in the house.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell seemed supreme in everything at home. She was quick,
+active, and clever, an excellent manager, nor was she otherwise than
+very kind in word and deed; and Marian could by no means understand the
+cause of the mixture of dread and repugnance with which she regarded
+her. Perhaps it was, that though not harsh, her manner wanted
+gentleness; her tones were not soft, and she would cut off answers
+before they were half finished. Her bright, clear, cold, blue eye had
+little of sympathy in it, and every look and tone showed that she
+expected implicit obedience, to commands, which were far from unpleasant
+in themselves, though rendered ungracious by the want of softness and
+mildness with which they were given. Marian often wondered, apart from
+the principle, how her cousins, and even Miss Morley, could venture to
+disregard orders given in that decided manner; but she soon perceived
+that they trusted to Mrs. Lyddell's multifarious occupations, which kept
+her from knowing all their proceedings with exactness, and left them a
+good deal at liberty.
+
+Marian was disposed to like Miss Morley, with her gentle voice and kind
+manner, but she was much surprised at her letting things go on among her
+pupils, which she must have known to be wrong in themselves, as well as
+against express commands of Mrs. Lyddell. Once or twice when she heard
+her talking to Clara, she said to herself, "Would not mamma say that was
+silly?" but at any rate it was a great thing to have a person of whom
+she was not in the least shy or afraid, and who set her quite at her
+ease in the schoolroom.
+
+The first business on Monday morning, after the little boys had gone off
+for two hours to a tutor, was an examination into Marian's attainments,
+beginning with French and Italian reading and translation, in which she
+acquitted herself very well till Mrs. Lyddell came in, and put her in
+such a state of trepidation that she no longer knew what she was about.
+In truth, Marian's education had been rather irregular in consequence
+of her father's illness, and its effect had been to give her a general
+cultivation of mind, and appreciation of excellence, to train her to do
+her best, and fed an eagerness for information, but without instructing
+her in that routine of knowledge for which Mrs. Lyddell and Miss Morley
+looked. She was not ready in answering questions, even upon what she
+knew perfectly well; she had no tables of names and dates at finger's
+ends, and when she saw that every one thought her backward and ignorant,
+the feeling that she was not doing justice to her mamma's teaching added
+to her confusion, her mistakes and puzzles increased, and at last she
+was almost ready to cry. At that moment Caroline said, "Mamma, you have
+not seen Marian's drawings yet. Do fetch them, Marian."
+
+The drawings served in some degree to save Marian in the opinion; at
+least, of Miss Morley: for an artist-like hand and eye were almost an
+inheritance in the Arundel family, and teaching her had been a great
+amusement to Sir Edmund. Miss Morley and Caroline thought her drawings
+wonderful; but Mrs. Lyddell, who had never learnt to draw, was, as
+Marian quickly perceived, unable to distinguish the merits from the
+faults, and was only commending them in order to reassure her. Her music
+was the next subject of inquiry, and here again she did not shine, for
+practising had been out of the question during the last two years of her
+father's life; but as she could not bear to offer this as an excuse,
+she only said she knew she could hardly play at all, but she hoped to
+improve. To her great relief, Mrs. Lyddell did not stay to listen to
+her performance, but went away, leaving her to Miss Morley, who found
+something to commend in her taste and touch.
+
+When the business of learning actually commenced, Marian grew more
+prosperous; for she had the good custom of giving her whole attention,
+and learnt therefore fast and correctly. Her exercise was very well
+done; her arithmetic, in which Edmund had helped her, was almost beyond
+Miss Morley's knowledge; and she was quite at home in the history they
+were reading aloud. Moreover, when they came to talk of what they had
+read, it proved that Marian was well acquainted with many books which
+were still only names to Caroline; and when Gerald came in with his
+books, his reference to her showed that she knew as much Latin as he
+did.
+
+They dined in the schoolroom at half-past one, then took a walk on the
+long, dull, white road, and came back at a little past four; after which
+the girls had each to practise for an hour, to look over some lessons
+for the next day, and to dress; but all the rest of their time was at
+their own disposal. There was to be a dinner-party that evening, and
+Clara advised her not to dress till after tea. "For we don't go down
+till after dinner," said she, "and I don't like to miss seeing the
+people come. Gerald, you had better get ready, though, for you boys
+always go down before."
+
+"Must I?" said Gerald.
+
+"O yes, that we must!" said Lionel; "and you will see how Johnny there
+likes to be petted by all the old ladies, and called their pretty dear."
+
+Johnny rushed upon his brother, and there was a skirmish between them,
+during which Miss Morley vainly exclaimed by turns, "Now Lionel!" and
+"Now Johnny!" It ended by John's beginning to cry, Lionel laughing
+at him, and declaring that he had done nothing to hurt him, and both
+walking off rather sullenly to dress for the evening. Gerald was bent on
+the same errand; and no sooner was he gone than Miss Morley, Caroline,
+and Clara all broke out into loud praises of him. He was so docile, he
+shut the door so gently, he seemed so very clever. He had quite won Miss
+Morley's heart by running back to the schoolroom to fetch her parasol
+for her when she found she had left it behind; Caroline admired him for
+being so merry and playful without rudeness, and Clara chimed in with
+them both. All expressed wonder at not finding him a spoiled child; and
+this, though the praises gratified Marian greatly, rather offended her
+in her secret soul; and she wondered too that Caroline and Clara seemed
+disposed to make the very worst of their own little brothers, so as to
+set off Gerald's perfections by force of contrast.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell came in while they were still talking. She was beautifully
+dressed, and looked very handsome, and, in Marian's eyes, very
+formidable; but she sat down and joined heartily in the praises of
+Gerald, till Marian thought, "What could they have expected poor Gerald
+to be, if they are so amazed at finding him the dear good little fellow
+he is!" It was in fact true that he was an agreeable surprise, for as
+an only son--a great treasure--and coming so early to his title, he
+was exactly the child whom all would have presumed most likely to be
+spoiled; and his ready obedience struck the Lyddells as no less unusual
+than those habits in which he had been trained, in consequence of the
+necessity of stillness during Sir Edmund's long illness. It was more
+natural to him to shut the door quietly than to bang it, to speak than
+to shout, and to amuse himself tranquilly in the house than to make a
+great uproar. He was courteous, too, and obliging; and though Lionel and
+Johnny were in consequence inclined to regard him as a "carpet knight so
+trim," the ladies fully appreciated these good qualities. Mrs. Lyddell
+perhaps made the more of her satisfaction, because she was conscious of
+not liking his sister's stiff, formal, frightened manners.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell waited till the boys came from dressing, and took them all
+three down with her. Clara sat down in the window-seat to watch the
+arrivals, as soon as she had recovered from her amazement at hearing
+that Marian had not been in a house with a dinner-party since Gerald was
+born. "Is it possible!" she went on saying, and then bursting into a
+laugh, till Caroline said sharply, "How can you be so silly, Clara! you
+know the reason perfectly well."
+
+"But it is so odd," continued Clara. "Why, we are never a week without a
+party, and sometimes two!"
+
+"Hush," said Caroline, "or I shall never finish my Italian."
+
+The little boys came up to tea; Gerald would not make much answer when
+Clara asked if the ladies had talked to him, but Johnny looked cross,
+and Lionel reported "it was because his nose was put out of joint."
+Coming up to Marian, to whom he seemed to have taken a fancy, Lionel
+further explained confidentially how all the ladies made a fuss with
+Johnny, and admired his yellow curls, and called him the rose-bud, and
+all sorts of stuff; and how Johnny liked to go down in his fine crimson
+velvet, and show off, and have all his nonsense praised, "And the pretty
+dear is so jealous," said Lionel, "that he can't bear any one to say one
+word to poor me--oh no!"
+
+"Why, do you wish for them to do so?" said Marian.
+
+"Oh no, not I--I never did; and I'm glad I'm grown too big and ugly for
+them. I always get as near Elliot as I can and try to hear if they are
+saying any thing about the hunt; and the ladies never trouble their
+heads about what is good for any thing, so they never talk to me."
+
+"That is no great compliment to Gerald," said Marian.
+
+"Ah! you'll soon see. If there is any fun in him, they will soon cast
+him off; but now he is new, and he has not found them out yet, and they
+_do_ dearly like to say Sir Gerald; so Johnny is regularly thrown out,
+and that is what makes him look sulky."
+
+"Well, but it is using him very ill to desert him for Gerald," said
+Marian.
+
+"Oh, they won't desert him. They like mamma's good dinners too well for
+that; only Johnny can't bear any one else to be taken notice of. Trust
+the county member's son for their making much of him."
+
+"But that applies to you too, Lionel."
+
+"Ay, and I could soon get their civility if I cared for it," said Lionel
+grandly. "But I know well enough what it is worth. Why, there is Walter,
+who is the best of us all--nobody cares one straw for him, except
+Caroline and--"
+
+"And you?" asked Marian.
+
+"Why--why--yes, if he was not so much of a parson already."
+
+"Oh, Lionel!" said Marian, shocked; and he turned it rather hastily into
+"I mean, he is not up to any thing; he does not shoot, and he does not
+care for dogs, or horses; nothing but books for ever."
+
+A summons to the tea-table put an end to Lionel's communications, which
+had so amazed Marian that she could do nothing but ponder on them all
+the time that Clara would leave her in quiet.
+
+The going into the drawing-room was to her a most awful affair; and
+Saunders seemed to be very anxious about it, brushing and settling her
+hair, and arranging the plain black frock, as if she would never have
+done; seeming, too, not a little worried by Clara, who chose to look on
+at all her proceedings. At last it was over Marian wished Gerald good
+night, and descended with her two cousins and Miss Morley. Caroline
+and Clara were in blue, Miss Morley in white; and as they entered just
+opposite to a long pier glass, Marian thought that with her white face,
+straight dark hair, and deep mourning dress, she looked like a blot
+between them, and wished to shrink out of sight, instead of being
+conspicuous in blackness.
+
+The ladies came in a few minutes after, and Caroline and Clara went
+forward, shaking hands, smiling, and replying in a way which was by no
+means forward, and with ease that to Marian was marvellous. If people
+would but be kind enough not to look at her! But Mrs. Lyddell was a
+great deal too civil for that too come to pass, and presently Marian was
+called and introduced to two ladies. She was seated between them, and
+they began talking to her in a patronising manner; telling her they
+remembered her dear mamma at her age; saying that they had seen her
+brother, and congratulating her on having two such delightful companions
+as the Miss Lyddells. Then they asked about Devonshire; and as Marian's
+cold short replies let every subject fall to the ground in a moment,
+they proceeded to inquire whether she could play. Truth required her to
+confess that she could, a very little; and then they begged to hear her.
+Poor Marian! this was too much. She felt as if she was in a horrible
+mist, and drawing up her head as she always did in embarrassment, she
+repeated, "Indeed, indeed I cannot!" protestations which her tormentors
+would not believe, and which grew every moment more ungracious, as, to
+augment her distress, she saw that Mrs. Lyddell was observing her. At
+the moment when she was looking most upright and rigid, Caroline came to
+her relief. The same request had just been made to her, and she came to
+propose to Marian to join in the one thing she knew she could play--a
+duet which she had that morning been practising with Clara. It was very
+kind, and Marian knew it; for Caroline had said that she never liked
+that duet, and was heartily tired of it; but all the acknowledgement her
+strange bashfulness would allow her to make was a grateful look, and a
+whisper, "Oh, thank you!"
+
+Afterwards one of the young lively visitors sang, and Marian, who had
+never heard much music, was quite delighted; her stiff company-face
+relaxed, a tear came to her eyes, and she sat with parted lips,
+forgetting all her fears and all the party till the singing was over,
+and Caroline touched her, and told her it was bed-time. Marian wondered
+to see how well Caroline and Clara managed to escape without being
+observed; but she marvelled at their going to bed so much as if it was a
+thing of course to have no "good night" from father or mother. When they
+were outside the door, in the hall, Marian, her heart still full of the
+music, could not help exclaiming, "How beautiful!"
+
+"What? Miss Bernard's singing?" said Clara. "I declare, Caroline, Marian
+was very nearly crying! I saw you were, Marian."
+
+"She does sing very nicely," said Caroline, "but that song does not suit
+her voice. It is too high."
+
+"And she makes faces," said Clara, "she strains her throat; and she has
+such great fingers--I could never cry at Miss Bernard's singing, I am
+sure."
+
+Marian did not like this. "Good night," said she, abruptly.
+
+"You are not vexed, are you?" said Clara, kindly. "I did not think you
+would mind my noticing your crying. Don't be angry, Marian."
+
+"Oh, no, I am not at all angry," said Marian, trying to speak with ease,
+but she did not succeed well. Her "good nights," had in them a tone as
+if she was annoyed, as in fact she was; though not at all in the way
+Clara supposed. She did not care for the notice of her tears, but she
+said to herself, "This is what Edmund calls destroying the illusion. If
+they would but have let me go to bed with the spell of that song resting
+on me!"
+
+She sighed with a feeling of relief and yet of weariness as she came
+into her own room, and found Saunders there. Saunders looked rather
+melancholy, but said nothing for the first two or three minutes; then as
+she combed Marian's hair straight over her face, she began, "I hope you
+enjoyed yourself, Miss Marian?"
+
+"Oh, Saunders," said Marian, "I'm very tired; I don't think I shall ever
+enjoy myself anywhere but at home."
+
+"Ah--hem--ah," coughed Saunders, solemnly; then, after waiting for some
+observation from Marian, and hearing only a long yawn and a sigh, she
+went on. "Prettily different is this place from home."
+
+"Indeed it is," said Marian, from her heart.
+
+"Such finery as I never thought to see below stairs, Miss Marian. I am
+sure the Manor House was a pattern to all the country round for comfort
+for the servants, and I should know something about it; but here--such
+a number of them, such eating and drinking all day long, and the very
+kitchen maids in such bonnets and flowers on Sundays, as would perfectly
+have shocked Mrs. White. And they are so ignorant. Fancy, Miss Marian,
+that fine gentleman the butler declaring he could not understand me, and
+that I spoke with a foreign accent! I speak French indeed!"
+
+"But, Saunders," said Marian, rather diverted, "you do speak Devonshire
+a little."
+
+"Well, Miss Marian, perhaps I may; I only know 'tisn't for them to
+boast, for they speak so funny I can't hardly make them out; and with
+my own ears I have heard that same Mr. Perkins himself calling you Miss
+Harundel. But that is not all. Why, not half of them ever go to church
+on a Sunday; and as to Mrs. Mitten, the housekeeper, not a bit does she
+care whether they do or not; and no wonder, when Mr. Lyddell himself
+never goes in the afternoon, and has gentlemen to speak to him. And then
+down at the stables--'tis a pretty set of drinking, good-for-nothing
+fellows there. I hope from my heart Sir Gerald won't be for getting down
+there among them; but they say Master Lionel and Master John are always
+there. And that Mr. Elliot--"
+
+In this manner Saunders discoursed all the while she was putting Marian
+to bed. Both she and her young lady wore doing what had much better have
+been let alone. Saunders had no business to carry complaints and gossip,
+Marian ought not to have listened to them; but the truth was that
+Saunders was an old attached confidential servant, who had come to
+Oakworthy, more because she could not bear to let her young master and
+mistress go entirely alone and unfriended among strangers, than because
+it would be prudent to save a little more before becoming Mrs. David
+Chapple. Fern Torr was absolute perfection in her eyes; and had the
+household at Oakworthy been of superior excellence, she would have found
+fault with everything in which it differed from the Manor House. Her
+heart was full; and to Miss Marian, her young lady, a Fern Torrite, a
+Devonian like herself, she must needs pour it out, where she had no
+other friend. On the other hand, Saunders was still in Marian's eyes a
+superior person--an authority--one whom she could never dream of keeping
+in order, or restraining; and here a friend, a counsellor, the only
+person, except Gerald, who had known the dear home.
+
+So a foundation was laid for confidences from Saunders, which were not
+likely to improve Marian's contentment. When she had bidden her maid
+good night, and sat thinking before she knelt down to say her prayers,
+she felt bewildered; her head seemed giddy with the strangeness of this
+new world; she knew not what in it was right and what was wrong; all
+that she knew was, that she felt lonely and dreary, and as if it could
+never be home. Her heart seemed to reach out for her mother's embrace
+and support, and then Marian sank down on her knees, rested her face on
+her arms, and while the tears began to flow, she murmured, "OUR FATHER,
+Which art in heaven."
+
+Soon after, her weary head was on her pillow, and the dim grey light of
+the summer night showed the quiet peace and calmness that had settled on
+her sleeping face.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+  "That is not home where, day by day,
+  I wear the busy hours away."
+
+
+In a short time, Marian had settled into her place at Oak Worthy, lost
+some part of her shyness towards the inhabitants, and arrived at the
+terms which seemed likely to continue between her and her cousins.
+
+There was much that was very excellent about Caroline Lyddell; she had
+warm feeling, an amiable and obliging disposition, and great sweetness
+of temper; and when first Marian arrived she intended to do all in her
+power to make her at home, and be like a sister to her. But she did not
+understand reserve; and before Marian had got over her first shyness
+and awkwardness, Caroline felt herself repulsed, and ceased to make
+demonstrations of affection which met with no better response. Marian
+made none on her side; and so the two cousins remained very obliging and
+courteous to each other, but nothing more.
+
+Clara had begun by making herself Marian's inseparable companion in
+rather a teasing manner, caressing her continually, and always wanting
+to do whatever she was doing; but as novelty was the great charm
+in Clara's eyes, and as she met with no very warm return to her
+endearments, all this soon wore off; and though she always came to
+Marian whenever she had any bit of news to tell,--though she often
+confided to her little complaints of the boys or Miss Morley,--this was
+no great compliment, for she would have done the same to anything that
+had ears. Her talk was no longer, as it had been at first, exclusively
+for Marian; and this wag rather a relief, for it was not at all like the
+talk Marian was used to with Agnes or with Edmund.
+
+Young and unformed as Marian was, it would be hard to believe how much,
+without knowing it, she missed the intercourse with superior minds, to
+which she had been accustomed. It was just as her eye was dissatisfied
+with the round green chalk hills, instead of the rocks and streams of
+her own dear home; or as she felt weary of the straight, formal walks
+she now took, instead of her dear old rambles,
+
+  "Over bank and over brae,
+  Where the copsewood is the greenest,
+  Where the fountain glistens sheenest,
+  Where the lady-fern grows strongest,
+  Where the morning dew lies longest."
+
+Edmund's high spirits, Agnes' playful glee,--how delightful they were!
+and though Marian often laughed now, it was not as she had laughed at
+home. Then, too, she grew shy of making remarks, or asking questions,
+when Clara had nothing to say but "How odd!" or Miss Morley would give
+some matter-of-fact answer, generally either quite beside the point, or
+else what Marian know before. Caroline understood what she meant, and
+would take up the subject, but not always in a satisfactory manner; for
+she and Marian always seemed to have quite opposite ways of viewing
+every thing. Each felt that the other had more serious thoughts and
+principles than most of those around them, but yet their likings and
+dislikings were very different in the matter of books. "Anna Ross" was
+almost the only one of Caroline's favourites that Marian cordially
+liked; and this, as Caroline suspected, might he owing to a certain
+analogy between Anna's situation and her own, by no means flattering to
+the Lyddell family. It was wonderful how many were the disparities
+of tastes, views, and opinions between them; but the root of these
+differences seemed undiscoverable, since Marian would not or could not
+argue, replied to all objections with a dry, short, "I don't know," and
+adhered unalterably to her own way of thinking.
+
+Miss Morley settled the matter by pronouncing that Sir Edmund and Lady
+Arundel must have been very narrow-minded people; and this judgment was
+so admired by Caroline and Clara, that it was sure to be brought forward
+as conclusive, whenever Marian was the subject of conversation. At last
+Lionel broke in one day, "Stuff! Marian is a good, sensible, downright
+girl, and it is my belief that all that you mean by narrow-mindedness is
+that she cares for what is right, and nothing else."
+
+"How much you know about it, Lionel!" said Clara, laughing; but Caroline
+answered in earnest, "There is reason in what you say, Lionel--Marian
+does care for what is right; but the question is, whether her views of
+it are not narrow?"
+
+"The narrower the better, say I," said Lionel, as he plaited his
+whip-lash.
+
+"Strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, that leadeth unto life,"
+came into Caroline's head, and she stood thoughtful. Clara exclaimed,
+"Well done, Lionel! I wonder what he'll say next to defend his dear
+Marian."
+
+"I know what I mean well enough," said Lionel. "I suppose you call it
+being broad-minded to trace your drawings through against the window,
+when mamma goes on telling you not. Better have her narrow mind, say I."
+
+"Then why don't you," said Clara, "instead of going down to the stables
+for ever with that man of Elliot's that mamma said you were never to
+speak to?"
+
+Lionel whisked his whip-lash before Clara's eyes, so as to make her
+wink. "I did not say I was good myself;" said he; "I said Marian was."
+And he ran out of the room.
+
+Clara laughed at Lionel's admiration of Marian, which had begun to be
+a joke in the schoolroom; but Caroline, as she practised her music,
+thought a good deal over the conversation. "Is a narrow mind really a
+fear of doing wrong?" was a question she asked herself several
+times; and then she thought of all the things she had heard called
+narrow-minded and scrupulous in Marian or others, but she soon found
+herself lost in a mist, and wished she could talk it over with her
+former governess, Miss Cameron. As to what Lionel had said about the
+drawing, she was conscious she was very wrong; her mamma had called it
+an idle practice to trace the outline through against the glass, and
+had forbidden it; but a difficulty had soon brought her back to the
+window-pane, exclaiming, "Just for this one thing, I am sure mamma would
+not object."
+
+"If Miss Cameron had been here, it would not have happened," said
+Caroline to herself with a sigh, and for a few days she kept away from
+the window; but another difficulty occurred, again she yielded to the
+temptation, and whoa she heard her mother's step in the passage, hurried
+back to her desk with guilty precipitation. A few days after, Clara was
+actually caught in the fact by Mrs. Lyddell, and then Miss Morley began
+making an excuse, evidently quite as much out of kindness to herself as
+to her pupil. Marian looked up in surprise, with a wondering, inquiring
+expression in her eyes. They were cast down the instant the governess
+turned towards her; but Miss Morley always felt abashed, by meeting that
+look of astonishment, which awoke in her a sensation of self-reproach
+such as she had seldom known before.
+
+Miss Morley was a little afraid of Marian's eyes, though not of her in
+any other respect; nor did she like her much better than Caroline did,
+though she gave her much less trouble than any of her other pupils,
+except Caroline. Those questions and observations puzzled her, and she
+thought the poor child had been reading books beyond her years--it was
+such a great disadvantage to be an only daughter. Besides, she really
+believed Marian Arundel had no affection for any one,--no warmth of
+feeling; she would ten times prefer a less diligent and more troublesome
+pupil, in whom she could take some interest, and who showed some
+affection, to one so steady and correct in behaviour, without the frank
+openness of heart which was so delightful. To make up, however, for this
+general want of liking for poor Marian, on the other hand, every one was
+fond of Gerald. His behaviour in the schoolroom was so very nice and
+good, and out of doors his climbing, running, and riding were no less
+admired by his contemporaries. Now and then, indeed, a dispute arose
+between him and the other two boys, when Gerald criticised, and declared
+that "Edmund and everybody" thought as he did; or when he would try to
+outdo the sporting exploits reported of Elliot, by Edmund's shooting at
+Fern Torr. One day there was a very serious quarrel, Gerald having
+taken up the cause of an unfortunate frog, which Lionel and Johnny were
+proposing to hunt, by rolling their marbles at it.
+
+Gerald declared they should not, that frogs were harmless, innocent
+creatures, and that Edmund and everybody liked them. This only made
+Lionel and Johnny more determined; partly from the absurdity of Gerald's
+appeal, and partly for the sake of mischief; and Gerald was overpowered,
+unable to save his protege, and obliged to witness its cruel death. He
+burst into tears, and then, came the accusation of crying for a frog.
+Poor little boy, he burst away from his tormentors, and never stopped
+till, he was safe in his sister's room pouring out his grief to her
+and Saunders (for it was her dressing-time), and comforted by their
+sympathising horror and pity.
+
+Saunders said it gave her a turn, and Marian's feelings were much of the
+same nature. She could not have thought it of Lionel. He was, indeed,
+reckless and unruly; by reputation _the_ naughty one of the set; but
+Marian had often thought that much of Johnny's misbehaviour was unjustly
+charged on him, and there was an honesty about him, together with a
+cordiality towards herself, which made her like him. And that he should
+have been wantonly cruel!
+
+She comforted Gerald as well as she could, and they went back to the
+schoolroom together. Lionel, as he often did, brought her a knot in a
+piece of string to be untied; she felt almost ready to shrink from him,
+as capable of such a deed, and gave it back to him after untying it,
+without a word. Lionel stood leaning against the shutter looking at her
+for some minutes, while she fetched her books, and sat down to learn her
+lessons. Tea came in; and while there was something of a bustle, and all
+the others were talking, and engaged in different ways, Lionel crossed
+over to her and said in a low voice, "So Gerald has made you angry with
+me?"
+
+"No; but Lionel, I could not have thought you would have done such a
+thing."
+
+"'Twas only a frog," said Lionel; "besides, I only did it to tease
+Gerald."
+
+"I do not see that that makes it any better," said Marian, gravely.
+
+"Why, Gerald was so ridiculous, to say Edmund and everybody liked frogs;
+but I didn't--I only mean that, if he had not made a fuss, I would never
+have hurt the frog, and I did not mean to kill it as it was; so never
+mind, Marian. I'll tell you what, Marian," added he, sinking his voice,
+"I'd rather Caroline and Clara, and poor unfortunate into the bargain,
+scolded me till they were black in the face, than that you looked at me
+as you did just now."
+
+"Did I?" said Marian, rather alarmed. "I am sure I did not know I looked
+anyhow."
+
+"Didn't you, though? It is just the way you look at poor unfortunate
+when she sports her humbug."
+
+"Hush, Lionel! this will never do. You know you ought not to talk in
+that way," said Marian, rising to put an end to the conversation.
+
+"But we have made it up?" said Lionel, holding her dress.
+
+"Yes, yes," said Marian hastily, and with full forgiveness in look
+and tone. As she took her place at the tea-table, she wondered within
+herself what was the matter with her eyes to cause such remarks, and
+still more why she could not help liking Lionel so much the best of her
+cousins, in spite of all the naughtiness of word and deed, which shocked
+her so much.
+
+The nest day she was walking in the garden with Clara, when Gerald came
+running up, with an entreaty that she would come and have a game at
+cricket with him and Lionel. Clara exclaimed, laughed, and stared in
+amazement.
+
+"She plays famously," said Gerald; "she, and Agnes, and I, beat all the
+other Wortleys one day last summer. Come, Marian, don't say no; we have
+not had a game for a very long time."
+
+"Who is playing?" asked Marian.
+
+"Only Lionel and me; Johnny is out with Mrs. Lyddell Come, we want you
+very much indeed; there's a good girl."
+
+To Clara's astonishment and Lionel's admiration, Marian complied; and
+though, of course, no great cricketer, her skill was sufficient to
+make her a prodigy in their eyes. But the game was brought to a sudden
+conclusion by Miss Morley, who, seeing them from the window, came out
+very much shocked, and gave the girls a lecture on decorum, which Marian
+felt almost as an insult.
+
+When they went in, Gerald told Saunders the whole adventure; and she,
+who at Fern Torr had been inclined to the same opinion as Miss Morley,
+and had often sighed and declared it to be unlike young ladies when
+Marian and Agnes had played, now agreed with him that it was very hard
+on Miss Marian not to have a little exercise, lamented that she should
+always be cooped up in the schoolroom, and declared that there could be
+no harm in playing with such a little boy as Master Lionel.
+
+The most unpleasant result was, that Miss Morley and the cousins took an
+impression that Agnes Wortley must be a vulgar romp, and were inclined
+to think her an unsuitable friend for Marian. Their curiosity was
+excited by the frequent letters between the two friends. Marian always
+read those which she received with the utmost eagerness, hardly ever
+telling any part of their contents, but keeping them to be enjoyed with
+Gerald in her own room; and half her leisure moments were employed in
+filling fat, black-edged envelopes, which were sent off at least as
+often as once a week.
+
+"I wonder what she says about us!" said Clara, one day.
+
+"I don't think it would suit you," said Caroline; "I should not think
+she painted us _couleur de rose_."
+
+"Except Lionel," said Clara, "if their admiration is mutual. But, by the
+by, Miss Morley, why do you not desire to see her letters? You always
+look at mine."
+
+"She is not quite in the same situation," said Miss Morley.
+
+"But could not you?" continued Clara. "It would be very entertaining
+only to look for once."
+
+"And I think it would be only proper," said Caroline. "Who knows what
+she may say of us to these dear friends of hers?"
+
+The subject was not allowed to drop; the girls' curiosity led them to
+find numerous reasons why their cousin's correspondence should not pass
+without examination, and Miss Morley found she must either endure their
+importunity, or yield to it. She was driven to choose the part of the
+oppressor; and one day, when Clara had been tormenting her more than
+usual, she addressed Marian, who was folding up a letter. "I think,"
+said she, speaking in a timid, deprecating tone--"I think, Marian, if
+you please, it might be as well, perhaps, if I were sometimes to look
+over your letters; it has always been the custom here."
+
+Then; was no encouragement to proceed in the look of blank amazement
+with which Marian replied, "Edmund Arundel and Mr. Lyddell both approve
+of my writing to Agnes Wortley."
+
+"Ah!" interposed Clara; "but did they mean that your letters should
+never be looked over?"
+
+"I heard nothing about it," said Marian.
+
+"Miss Cameron always looked over mine," said Caroline.
+
+"I will ask Mr. Lyddell himself as soon as he comes home," said Marian,
+determinedly.
+
+There was a pause, but Caroline and Clara did not look satisfied. Miss
+Morley knew they would leave her no peace if she desisted, and she went
+on,--"I wish I could sometimes see a proof of willingness to yield."
+
+Marian was out of patience, and putting her letter into the desk, locked
+it up; and Caroline laughingly remarked, "Really, there must be some
+treason in that letter!" If the observation had been taken as it was
+meant, all would have been well; but Marian bit her lip with an air that
+convinced the sisters that Caroline had hit the mark; and their glances
+stimulated Miss Morley to say, as decidedly as she could, "Marian, your
+present conduct convinces me that it is desirable that I should see that
+letter."
+
+Marian's dark eyes gave one indignant flash, as she proudly drew up her
+head, opened her desk, laid her letter on the table before Miss Morley,
+and slowly walked out of the room; but as soon as she had shut the door,
+she ran at full speed along the passage to her own room, where, throwing
+herself on the bed, she gave way to a fit of violent weeping, and sobs
+which shook her whole frame. Proud, passionate feelings at first almost
+choked her, and soon these were followed by a flood of the bitter tears
+of loneliness and bereavement. "Who would have dared insult her thus,
+had her father and mother been living?" and for a minute her agony for
+their loss was more intense than it had ever been. Gradually, "the
+turbid waters brightening as they ran," became soothing, as she dwelt on
+the sweet, holy memory of her parents, and wholesome as she mourned over
+her fit of pride and anger. But for what were they accountable, whose
+selfish weakness and thoughtless curiosity had caused the orphan's tears
+to flow?
+
+Caroline had not seen those flashing eyes without an instant perception
+of the injustice of the accusation. Her half-jesting speech had led
+the matter much further than she had intended; and alarmed at the
+consequences, she ran after her cousin to entreat her pardon; but
+Marian, unconscious of all save the tumult within herself, hurried on
+too fast to be overtaken, and just as Caroline reached her door, had
+shut it fast, and drawn the bolt, and a gentle knock and low call of
+"Marian, dear Marian," were lost in the first burst of sobs. Caroline,
+baffled and offended, turned away with feelings even more painful than
+hers; and too proud to repeat the call, walked up and down, waiting till
+the door should be opened, to assure her cousin that nothing should
+induce her to touch the letter, and to beg her forgiveness; but as
+minutes passed away in silence, she grew tired of waiting, thought
+Marian sullen and passionate, and at length, returned to the schoolroom.
+As soon as she entered, Clara exclaimed, "O Caroline, only think, how
+odd--"
+
+"I don't want to hear anything about it," said Caroline, sitting down to
+the piano; "I wish we had never thought of it."
+
+She began, playing with all her might, but gradually she abated her
+vehemence, as she caught a few sounds of a conversation between Clara
+and Miss Morley. At last she turned round, asking, "What? who is his
+godfather?"
+
+"Mr. Arundel, 'Edmund and every body,' you know," answered Clara. "I
+never heard anything like it. Only fancy his hearing that boy say his
+catechism!"
+
+"What? I don't understand," said Caroline; "Mr. Arundel and Gerald!
+Nonsense! He can't be his godfather. Mamma said he was only
+four-and-twenty, and Gerald is almost nine."
+
+"Here is Marian's authority for it," said Clara; "and certainly those
+Arundels are a curious family."
+
+"Mr. Arundel is the next heir, is he not?" inquired Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes," said Caroline; "I heard mamma telling old Mrs. Graves the whole
+story. His father and mother both died when he was very young, and Sir
+Edmund brought him up entirely, and every one looked upon him as the
+heir till Gerald was born; and a groat disappointment it must have been,
+for now he has next to nothing. But they all were just as fond of each
+other as before; and it does seem very strange that Sir Edmund should
+have made him their guardian, at his age, when there was Lord Marchmont,
+who is their cousin, too."
+
+"I dare say," said Clara, as if a most brilliant thought had struck her,
+"I dare say there is a family compact, such as one reads of in books,
+that he is to marry Marian."
+
+"My dear Clara!" said Miss Morley laughing, "How should such a notion
+come into your little head?"
+
+"Now see if it is not so!" said Clara; "I do believe she is in love with
+him already, and he is coming to see her."
+
+"Is he?" cried Caroline, "I am very curious to sec him. Mamma says he is
+very handsome, and quite a distinguished looking person. When does he
+come?"
+
+"You had better read," said Clara; "I can tell you that there are
+wonderful things in the letter."
+
+Curiosity again asserted its power, and Caroline yielded. The letter had
+been opened, and it would not signify if one more person looked at it.
+She took it, and read eagerly and stealthily, starting at every sound.
+
+  "My dear Agnes--I hope you and Jemmy are getting
+  on well in your solitude without the schoolboys. Tell
+  Charles, when you write, that a gentleman staying here
+  caught a trout last week that weighed three pounds, but I
+  believe that those which are caught in these rivers taste of
+  mud, and are not nearly so good as our own. I was very
+  much afraid that Gerald would go to school this summer,
+  but now Mrs. Lyddell has heard that it was settled that he
+  should not go till he was ten, and it is arranged for him to
+  stay till next year, when I hope he will be happier than
+  Charles was at first. You asked after his drawing, so I
+  have put in the last scrap I met with, and in case you
+  should not be able to find out what it is meant for, I must
+  inform you that it is the dog springing on the young Buecleuch.
+  The other day he sent Edmund a letter in hieroglyphics,
+  with pictures instead of nouns, and Edmund answered
+  it in the same way with funny little clever drawings
+  throughout. His regiment is going abroad nest spring, he
+  thinks, to the Cape, but he has promised to come and see us
+  first, and thinks of going home to see about his things.
+  Thank Mrs. Wortley for being so kind as to scold me for
+  not dating my letters. I shall not be likely to forget the
+  date of this on September 30th, for Mr. Lyddell has just
+  paid me my first quarter's allowance, and I am frightened
+  to think how large it is; ten pounds a quarter only for my
+  dress, and I am to have more when I am seventeen. So
+  matters can go on more as they used in the parish. Will
+  you be so kind as to pay this quarter's schooling for Amy
+  Lapthorn and Honor Weeks and Mary Daw, and find out
+  what clothes they want, and if Susan Grey has not a new
+  bonnet, give her one, and a flannel petticoat for old Betty,
+  and if any body else wants anything else let me know, and
+  pay up for all the children that dear mamma used to put into
+  the penny club, and send me word what it comes to, and I
+  will send the money when Edmund comes to pay his visit.
+  I suppose the apples are gathered by this time; you cannot
+  think how I miss the golden and red piles under the trees,
+  and the droning of the old cyder press. And do those beautiful
+  Red Admiral butterflies come in the crowds they did
+  last year to the heaps of apples in our orchard? Do you remember
+  how we counted five that all came and sat on your
+  pink frock while we were watching them?
+
+  "Will Mr. Wortley be kind enough to tell me of some
+  book of questions on the Catechism, more advanced than the
+  one he gave me? I suppose we ought to go on with the Catechism,
+  till we are confirmed, and so Gerald and I always go
+  through a section every Sunday, taking the book by turns,
+  and he knows our old one perfectly. He is so good and
+  steady about it that I quite wonder, considering that there
+  is no authority to keep him up to it, but he is very anxious
+  to stand a good examination when his godfather comes, and
+  Edmund is sure to ask hard questions. And Gerald has
+  never missed since we have been here, getting up in time to
+  come and read the Psalms with me before breakfast, and
+  really I think that is exceedingly good of him; but I have
+  come to the end of my paper, so good-bye.
+
+  "Your affectionate
+
+  "MARIAN C. ARUNDEL."
+
+Caroline's cheeks glowed as she read, both with shame at her own
+proceedings, and with respect for her narrow-minded cousin; but she had
+no opportunity for making remarks, for just as she had finished the
+letter, and folded it up again, the boys were heard coming in. The first
+thing Gerald said was, "So Marian has not sent her letter; I will run
+down with it, or it will be too late."
+
+"It is not sealed," said Clara.
+
+"Clara looks as if she had been peeping," said Johnny.
+
+"I should like to see any one peep into Marian's letters," said Gerald,
+taking it up, and carrying it away with him.
+
+Lionel stood with his eyes fixed on Clara. "I do believe it is true
+then!" said he, laying hold of Clara's arm; "I have a great mind to say
+I'll never speak to you again, Clara. Peeping into people's letters.
+Why, you ought to be hooted through the town!"
+
+The boys looked nearly ready to put the hooting into effect, but Clara
+answered angrily, "Peeping! I have been doing no such thing! Don't be so
+rude, Lionel."
+
+"That is humbug," said Lionel; "you have been looking impudently, if you
+have not been peeping slyly."
+
+"Lionel, you are a very naughty boy indeed!" said Clara, almost crying;
+"I have done just as Miss Morley and Caroline have been doing; Miss
+Morley always looks over----"
+
+"Let who will do it," said Lionel, "it is an impudent, ungentlemanlike
+thing, that you all ought to be ashamed of. I declare papa shall hear of
+it."
+
+"Lionel, do you know what you are saying?" said Caroline.
+
+"This is sadly naughty!" feebly murmured Miss Morley.
+
+"Lionel, mamma will be very angry," said Clara.
+
+"I don't care," said Lionel loudly and vehemently; "I know that you all
+ought to be ashamed of yourselves, every one of you. Why, if you
+were boys you would never hold up your heads again; but girls can do
+anything, and that is the reason they have no shame."
+
+"Hush! Lionel, dear Lionel!" said Caroline, coming to him persuasively,
+but he shook her off:
+
+"I want none of your _dears_," said he; "ask Marian's pardon, not mine."
+
+He turned his back, and took up a book. The girls dared say no more to
+him; Miss Morley very nearly cried as she thought how impossible it was
+for women to manage great boys. She ought to complain of his rudeness,
+but the explanation of what gave rise to it was impossible, and so, poor
+woman, she thought herself too good-natured.
+
+Gerald, in the meantime, had gone to his sister's room, where he called
+hastily on finding the door fastened. She opened it, and he eagerly
+asked what was the matter.
+
+"Never mind," said Marian; "thank you for remembering my letter. Will
+you fetch the sealing wax out of----"
+
+"Well, but what is the matter?"
+
+"Nothing that signifies; never mind."
+
+"But I do mind, I can't bear for you to cry. You know I can't, so don't
+begin again," added he, as his affectionate tones made her lip quiver,
+and her eyes fill with tears.
+
+"But, Gerald, pray get the wax, or----. But no, no," added she
+hurriedly, "do not, I will not touch it, till----"
+
+"Till when?" asked Gerald; "I wish you would tell me how they have
+been vexing you. I am sure they hare, for they all looked guilty. Poor
+Marian!" He put his arm round her neck, and drew her cheek to his. Who
+could withstand such a brother? Marian whispered. "Only--but don't make
+a fuss--only Miss Morley made me show her my letter."
+
+He started from her, and broke forth into a torrent of indignation; and
+it was not quickly that she succeeded in getting him to listen to her
+entreaties that he would not tell any one.
+
+"What do you mean to do?" said he. "O I will write such a letter to
+Edmund, in hopes she will ask to see it. But she won't venture on mine.
+Shall I tell Edmund?"
+
+"No, no, Gerald, you do nothing; pray don't say anything. I will speak
+to Mr. Lyddell, for it was he who gave me leave."
+
+"And I hope he will give poor unfortunate a good rowing. Won't it be
+fun?"
+
+"Now, Gerald, pray don't say such things, or I shall be sorry I told
+you. I dare say she thought it was right."
+
+"Stuff and nonsense! Right indeed! I hope Mr. Lyddell will give it to
+her well!"
+
+"If I may not write without having my letters read, I am sure I shall
+never be able to write at all!"
+
+"And when shall you speak? Luckily there is no company to-night, and I
+hope I shall be there to hear."
+
+"No, you will not; I shall wait till you are gone to bed, for I am sure
+Lionel and Johnny ought to know nothing about it. I believe I had better
+not have told you; but, Gerald, you are all I have, and I can't help
+telling you everything."
+
+"Of course, Marian, so you ought, for let them laugh at me as they will,
+I always tell you everything. And won't it be nice when I am grown up,
+and we can get away from them all, and live at home together, and I go
+out shooting every day, and you and Ranger stand at the top of the steps
+to watch me? For Ranger will be too old to go out shooting by that
+time."
+
+In the midst of this picture of rural felicity, Saunders came to tell
+Marian that it was time to dress.
+
+When she returned to the schoolroom, Caroline would have given anything
+not to have read the letter; she was too sure that there was nothing
+wrong in it, and she could not show the trust in her cousin which would
+have enabled her to speak freely, and say she was very sorry for her
+speech and meant nothing by it; nor did she wish to revive the subject
+before Lionel, whose indignation would be still more unpleasant in
+Marian's own presence. She therefore said nothing, and on the other hand
+Marian felt awkward and constrained; Lionel was secretly ashamed of his
+own improper behaviour to Miss Morley, and well knowing that he should
+never dare to perform his threat of telling his father, put on a surly
+kind of demeanour, quite as uncivil to Marian as to anyone else; and but
+that Clara never minded anything, and that Johnny knew and cared little
+about the matter, their tea that evening would have been wonderfully
+unsociable. Gerald had not much to say, but the bent of his thoughts was
+evident enough when his ever-busy pencil produced the sketch of a cat
+pricking her paw by patting a hedgehog rolled up in a ball.
+
+Neither Miss Morley nor her pupils ever expected to hear more of the
+letter, for they knew perfectly well that what Lionel had said was but a
+threat, for the appeal direct to Mr. or Mrs. Lyddell was a thing never
+thought of at Oakworthy. Marian had, however, made up her mind; her
+anxiety overpowered her shyness; she knew that Mr. Lyddell was the
+proper person, and perhaps the fact was that she was less afraid of him
+than of his wife. So, though she resisted all the glances cast at her
+by Gerald, whenever he thought he saw a good opportunity for her, and
+waited till all the three little boys had gone to bed, she by no means
+gave up her purpose. It was time for her too, to wish good night; and
+while her heart beat fast, she said, "Mr. Lyddell, you gave me leave to
+write to Agnes Wortley. Was it on condition of my letters being looked
+over?"
+
+"Who meddles with your letters?" said Mr. Lyddell, much surprised.
+
+Caroline, having helped to get her governess into the scrape, thought
+it but fair to say what she could for her, and answered, "Miss Morley
+thought that you and mamma would wish it."
+
+"By no means," said Mr. Lyddell, turning to Marian, "I have the
+highest opinion of Mr. and Mrs. Wortley, the very highest; I wish your
+correspondence to be perfectly free."
+
+"Thank you," said Marian. "Good night!" and away she went, to tell
+Gerald how it had passed; and he, who had been lying awake in
+expectation, was much disappointed to hear no more than this.
+
+As soon as she was gone, Mrs. Lyddell exclaimed, "What could have given
+Miss Morley reason to think that her letters were to be inspected?
+Really, Miss Morley must have some courage! I should be sorry to be the
+person to make the request."
+
+"Ah! Marian was very angry indeed," said Clara; "quite in a passion."
+
+"Very proper," said Mr. Lyddell. "A spirited thing. She is a girl of
+sense."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell let the matter drop with the girls, but going to the
+schoolroom, she inquired into it more fully, and found that by poor
+unfortunate faithful Morley's own account, she had allowed herself to
+be made the tool of the curiosity of Caroline and Clara. She spoke
+severely, and Miss Morley had displeasure to endure, which was
+considerably more disagreeable than all Clara's importunities could have
+been.
+
+However, the next morning it appeared as if the whole affair was
+forgotten by all parties; Marian win just as usual, and so were her
+cousins; but, in secret, Caroline felt guilty, and held her in higher
+estimation since she had seen the contents of the letter, which, as
+she could perceive, Marian might well be doubly unwilling to show; she
+wished that Marian would but be as open to her as she was to Agnes, but
+this unfortunate business seemed like another great bar to their ever
+being really intimate, and she did not know how to surmount it.
+
+These reflections were shortly after driven out of Caroline's head by
+a severe fit of toothache, which for three days made her unfit for
+anything but to sit by the fire reading idle books. Mrs. Lyddell
+proposed to take her to Salisbury to consult a dentist, and Lionel was
+supposed likewise to require inspection. Then, turning to Marian, Mrs.
+Lyddell said, "This is not the pleasantest kind of expedition, but
+perhaps you may like to see Salisbury, and I think your bonnet wants
+renewing."
+
+"Thank you," said Marian, pleased with the Invitation. "I shall be very
+glad to go; I believe my teeth ought to be looked at. The dentist at
+Exeter said last winter that they were crowded and ought to be watched."
+
+"Very well," said Mrs. Lyddell, "we will see what Mr. Polkinghorn says."
+
+"Polkinghorn," said Marian, as Mrs. Lyddell left the room; "that is a
+Devonshire name."
+
+"You are very welcome to him, I am sure," said Caroline; "I wish the
+trade was abolished."
+
+"What cowards girls are!" said Lionel.
+
+"Let us see how boys behave before we say anything against girls," was
+Marian's answer.
+
+"Shan't you scream?" said Lionel.
+
+"Of course she will not," said Caroline, "unless with joy at meeting a
+Devonshire man."
+
+Marian laughed, and Lionel began an exhilarating story about an
+unfortunate who was strapped to the dentist's chair, dragged nine times
+round the room, and finally had his jaw broken.
+
+Marian enjoyed her drive to Salisbury, though it added to her contempt
+for Wiltshire scenery, by showing her more and more of desolate down.
+She watched the tall Cathedral spire from far in the distance, peering
+up among the hills like a picture more than a reality, and she admired
+the green meadows and quiet vale where the town stands. Poor Caroline
+was taken up with dreadful anticipations of Mr. Pokingtooth, as Lionel
+called him, and when arrived at his clamber of torture, hung back, so as
+to allow Marian to be the first victim. The result of the examination
+was, that it would be better; though not absolutely necessary, that a
+certain double tooth should be extracted, and Mr. Polkinghorn, left the
+room in search of an instrument.
+
+"So you think it ought to go?" sighed Marian.
+
+"I should say so," said Mrs. Lyddell, "but you may decide for yourself."
+
+Marian covered her face with her hands, and considered. The dentist
+returned; she laid back her head and opened her mouth, and the tooth
+was drawn. Caroline and Lionel escaped more easily, and they left the
+dentist's. Mrs. Lyddell said something in commendation of Marian's
+courage, and asked if she would like to see the Cathedral, an offer
+which she gladly accepted, expecting to go to the service, as the bells
+now began to ring; but she was disappointed, for Mrs. Lyddell said, "Ah!
+I had forgotten the hour. We must do our commissions first, and be at
+the Cathedral before the doors are shut." Marian did not venture to
+express her wishes, but she thought of the days when attending the
+Cathedral service had been the crowning pleasure of a drive to Exeter,
+and in dwelling on the recollection, she spent the attention which Mrs.
+Lyddell expected her to bestow on her new bonnet.
+
+Their business did not occupy them very long, and they entered the
+Cathedral before the anthem was over; but Marian felt that it was not
+fitting to loiter about the nave while worship was going on within the
+choir; and the uncomfortable feeling occupied her so much, that she
+could hardly look at the fair clustered columns and graceful arches, and
+seemed scarcely to know or care for the gallant William Longsword, when
+led to the side of his mail-clad, cross-legged effigy. The deep notes of
+the organ, which delighted Caroline, gave her a sense of shame; and even
+when the service was over, and they entered the choir, these thoughts
+had not so passed away as to enable her to give full admiration to the
+exquisite leafy capitals and taper arcades of the Lady Chapel. Perhaps,
+too, there was a little perverseness in her inability to think that this
+Cathedral surpassed that of Exeter.
+
+She thanked Mrs. Lyddell rather stiffly, as she thought to herself, "I
+did not reckon upon this!" and they set out on their homeward drive.
+Caroline looked thoughtful, and did not say much, Lionel fell asleep,
+and Mrs. Lyddell, after a few not very successful attempts at talking to
+Marian, took out her bills, and began to look over them and to reckon.
+Marian sat looking out of the window, lost in a vision of the hills,
+woods, and streams of Fern Torr, which lasted till they had reached
+home.
+
+Such an expedition was so uncommon an event in the lives of the
+inhabitants of the schoolroom, that those who stayed at home were as
+excited about it as those who went, and a full and particular account
+was expected of all they had seen and all they had done. Caroline and
+Lionel both seemed to think Marian a perfect miracle of courage in
+voluntarily consenting to lose a tooth.
+
+"And I am sure," said Caroline as they sat at tea, "I cannot now
+understand what made you have it done."
+
+"To oblige a countryman," said Marian laughing.
+
+"Well, but what was your real reason?" persisted Caroline.
+
+"Mrs. Lyddell thought it best, and so did the dentist," said Marian.
+
+"O," said Caroline, "he only said so because it was his trade."
+
+"Then how could Mrs. Lyddell depend on him?" said Marian, gravely.
+
+"Dentists never are to be depended on," said Caroline; "they only try to
+fill their own pockets like other people."
+
+"You forget," said Lionel, "Devonshire men are not like other people."
+
+"O yes, I beg their pardon," said Caroline, while every one laughed
+except Gerald; who thought the praise only their due.
+
+"But why did you have it done?" said Clara, returning to the charge; "I
+am sure I never would."
+
+"Yes, but Marian is not you," said Lionel.
+
+"You would have disobeyed no one," said Caroline.
+
+"I do not know," said Marian, thinking of one whom she would have
+disobeyed by showing weakness.
+
+"Then did you think it wrong not to have that tooth drawn?" said
+Caroline.
+
+"I do not know."
+
+"Did you think it right to have it done?"
+
+"I do not know, unless that I did not like it."
+
+"Do you mean to say that not liking a thing makes it right?" exclaimed
+Clara.
+
+"Very often," said Marian.
+
+"Miss Morley, now is not that Popish?" cried Clara.
+
+"Perhaps your cousin can explain herself," said Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes, do," said Caroline, "you must tell us what you mean."
+
+"I don't know," was Marian's first answer; but while uttering the reply,
+the real reason arranged itself in words; and finding she must speak
+clearly, she said, "Self-denial is always best, and in a doubtful case,
+the most disagreeable is always the safest."
+
+Miss Morley said that Marian was right in many instances, but that this
+was not a universal rule, and so the conversation ended.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+  "O Brignal banks are fresh and fair,
+  And Greta woods are green;
+  I'd rather rove with Edmund there,
+  Than reign our English queen."
+
+  ROKEBY.
+
+
+Winter came, and with it the time fixed for that farewell visit from
+Edmund Arundel, to which Marian and Gerald had long looked forward.
+Marian was becoming very anxious for it on Gerald's account, for she was
+beginning to feel that he was not quite the same child as when he first
+arrived at Oakworthy. He was less under control, less readily obedient
+to Miss Morley, less inclined to quote Edmund upon all occasions, more
+sensible of his own consequence, and more apt to visit that forbidden
+ground, the stables.
+
+She longed for Edmund's coming, trusting to him to set everything right,
+and to explain to her the marvels of this strange new world.
+
+Several gentlemen were staying in the house, and there was to be a
+dinner party on the day when he was expected, so that she thought the
+best chance of seeing him would be to stay in the garden with Gerald,
+while the others took their walk, so that she might be at hand on his
+arrival. Clara, though by no means wanted, chose to stay also, and the
+two girls walked up and down the terrace together.
+
+"It is so very odd," said Clara "that you should care about such a great
+old cousin."
+
+"He is only twenty-four," answered Marian.
+
+"But he must have been grown up ever since you remember."
+
+"Yes, but he is so kind. He used to carry us about and play with us when
+we were quite little children, and since I have been older he has made
+me almost a companion. He taught me to ride, and trained my bay pony,
+my beautiful Mayflower, and read with me, and helped me in my music and
+drawing."
+
+"That is more than Elliot would do for us, if he could," said Clara. "It
+is very dull to have no one to care about our lessons, but to be shut up
+in the schoolroom for ever with poor unfortunate."
+
+Marian did not choose to say how fully she assented to this complaint,
+but happiness had opened her heart, and she went on,--"I have had so
+many delightful walks with him through the beautiful wood full of rocks,
+and out upon the moor. O, Clara, you cannot think what it is to sit upon
+one of those rocks, all covered with moss and lichen, and the ferns
+growing in every cleft and cranny, and the beautiful little ivy-leafed
+campanula wreathing itself about the moss, and such a soft, free,
+delicious air blowing all around. And Edmund and I used to take out a
+book, and read and sketch so delightfully there!"
+
+"Do you know, Marian," said Clara mysteriously, "I have heard some one
+say--I will not tell you who--that it is a wonder that Mr. Arundel is so
+fond of you, of Gerald, at least, for if it was not for him, he would
+have had Fern Torr, and have been Sir Edmund."
+
+"But why should he not be fond of Gerald?"
+
+"Really, Marian, you are a very funny person in some things," exclaimed
+Clara. "To think of your not being able to guess that!"
+
+Here Mrs. Lyddell interrupted them by calling from the window to ask why
+they were staying in the garden?
+
+"We were waiting to see Mr. Arundel, mamma," answered Clara.
+
+"I think," said Mrs. Lyddell, "that as I am going out, it is not quite
+_the thing_ for you young ladies to wait to receive a gentleman in my
+absence. You had better overtake the others. Marian will see Mr. Arundel
+in the evening."
+
+"How cross!" exclaimed Clara, as soon as they were out of hearing. "Now
+we have to go along that horrid, stupid path that poor unfortunate is
+so fond of! If mamma had to go there herself, she would know what a
+nuisance it is!"
+
+Marian was silent, because she was too much annoyed to speak properly
+of Mrs. Lyddell, whose interference seemed to her a needless piece of
+unkindness. At home she would have thought it strange not to hasten to
+greet cousin Edmund, and she feared he would think she neglected him,
+yet she could not, in Clara's presence, leave a message for him with her
+brother. Gerald begged her to remain, but she replied, with, a short,
+blunt "I can't," and set off with Clara, feeling provoked with
+everybody. In process of time she recovered candour enough to
+acknowledge to herself that Mrs. Lyddell was right as far as Clara was
+concerned, but the struggle kept her silent, her cousin thought her
+sulky, and the walk was not agreeable.
+
+Gerald did not as usual attend her toilette, but as she passed along the
+passage on her way to the schoolroom, she heard sounds in the hall so
+like home that her heart bounded, Gerald's voice and Edmund's in reply!
+She could not help opening the door which separated the grand staircase
+from the schoolroom passage, the voice sounded plainer, she looked over
+the balusters, and saw--yes, actually saw Edmund, the top of his black
+head was just below her. Should she call? Should she run half-way down
+stairs, and just exchange one greeting unrestrainedly? But no; her heart
+beat so fast as to take away her breath, and that gave her time for
+recollection: Mrs. Lyddell might not think it proper, it would be
+meeting him in an underhand way, and that would never do!
+
+Marian turned back, shut the door of communication, and in the next
+moment was in the schoolroom. When Gerald came up to tea, he was in the
+wildest spirit; making fun, romping with Lionel and John, and putting
+everything in such an uproar that it was quite a relief when the time
+came for going down to the drawing-room.
+
+Now, Marian's great fear was that the gentlemen would be cruel enough
+to stay in the dining-room till after half-past nine, when she would
+be obliged to go to bed. She could hardly speak to anybody, she shrank
+away, as near the door as she dared, and half sprang up every time it
+opened, then sat down ashamed of herself, and disappointed to see only
+the servants with coffee and tea.
+
+At last, the fatal time had all but come, when the black figures of the
+gentlemen entered one after the other, Marian scarcely venturing to look
+at them, and overpowered with a double access of fright and shyness,
+which chained her to her seat, and her eyes to the ground. But
+now--Edmund's hand was grasping hers, Edmund was by her side, his voice
+was saying, "Well, Marian, how are you?"
+
+She looked up at him for one moment, then on the ground again, without
+speaking.
+
+"Oakworthy has put no colour in your cheeks," said he. "Are you quite
+well?"
+
+"Quite, thank you," said she, almost as shortly and coldly as if she had
+been answering Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"When did you hear from home?"
+
+"Yesterday," said she, speaking more readily. "Agnes always writes once
+a week. When do you go there?"
+
+"Next week, when I leave this place."
+
+"You come from the Marchmonts, don't you?"
+
+"Yes, Selina sends you her love, and all manner of kind messages. She
+hopes to see you in London after Easter."
+
+"O dear! There is Mrs. Lyddell looking at me, and I see Caroline is
+gone! Good night, Edmund."
+
+"So soon? I hoped to have seen more of you to-day; I came early on
+purpose."
+
+"I thought so, but they would not let me stay at home."
+
+"I understand. Don't squeeze up your lips and look woeful. I knew how it
+was. Good night."
+
+Marian walked slowly up stairs, sighing as she went, and looked into
+Gerald's room. He was awake, and called out, "Well, Marian, are you not
+glad he has come?"
+
+"O yes, very," returned Marian, in a tone of little gladness; "I hope
+you will be very happy with him."
+
+"Why not you?"
+
+"It will be all disappointment," she answered in a choking voice, as,
+sheltered by the darkness, she knelt down by Gerald's bed, and burst
+into tears. "It will all be like to-day."
+
+"No, it shall not!" cried Gerald; "I will tell Edmund all about it, and
+he shall send them all to the right about! I can't think why you did not
+tell Mrs. Lyddell that you always stay at home for Edmund."
+
+"Miss Arundel," said Saunders, at the door, "do you know that it is half
+an hour later than usual?"
+
+The next morning Marian awoke with brighter spirits. It was possible
+that she might accomplish one walk with him, and Gerald was sure of
+being constantly at his side, which was the great point. At any rate,
+she could not be very unhappy while he was in the house.
+
+She heard nothing of him all the morning, but, just as the schoolroom
+dinner was over, in came Mrs. Lyddell, and with her Edmund himself, to
+the great surprise of all the inhabitants. Marian looked very happy, but
+said very little, while there was some talk with Miss Morley, and then
+Edmund asked if she had no drawings to show him. She brought out her
+portfolio, and felt it like old times when he observed on her improved
+shading, or criticised the hardness of her distant hills, while Miss
+Morley wondered at his taste and science. It was delightful to find that
+she and Gerald were really to take a walk with him by themselves. She
+almost flew to fetch her walking dress, and soon the three were on their
+way together.
+
+There was a great quantity of home news to be talked over, for Edmund
+had not heard half so often nor so minutely as Marian, and he had to be
+told how Charles Wortley got on at his new school, that Ranger had
+been lost for a day and a half, and many pieces of the same kind of
+intelligence, of which the most important was that Farmer Bright's widow
+had given up the hill farm, and his nephew wanted to take it, but Mr.
+Wortley hoped that this would not be allowed, as he was a dissenter.
+
+"Indeed!" said Edmund; "I wonder Carter did not mention that."
+
+"Had you heard this before?" said Marian; "I thought it news."
+
+"Most of it is," said Edmund, "but not about the farm. The letting it is
+part of my business here, but I did not know of this man's dissent. Your
+correspondence has done good service."
+
+"I am sure it is my great delight," said Marian; "I do not know what I
+should do without hearing from Agnes. I think I have learnt to prize her
+more since I have known other people."
+
+"You don't find the Miss Lyddells quite as formidable as you expected
+though?" said Edmund; "the eldest has a nice open, countenance."
+
+"We get on very well," said Marian. "Caroline is so good-tempered and
+clever, and Lionel is delightful."
+
+"O, Edmund," interposed Gerald, "Lionel and I had such fun the other
+day. We caught the old donkey and blindfolded it with our handkerchiefs,
+and let it loose, and if you could but have seen how it kicked up its
+heels----"
+
+They went on with the history of adventures of the same description,
+enjoying themselves exceedingly, and when Marian went in, she was much
+pleased to find how favourable an impression Edmund had made on her
+companions, although some of their commendations greatly surprised her;
+Miss Morley pronouncing that he had in the greatest degree an _air
+distingue_, and was a remarkably fashionable young man. Marian could
+endure the _air distingue_, but could hardly swallow the fashionable
+young man, an expression which only conveyed to her mind the idea of
+Elliot Lyddell and his moustached friends. However, she knew it was
+meant for high praise, and her present amiable fit was strong enough to
+prevent her from taking it as an insult.
+
+The next day was Sunday, and she provokingly missed Edmund three times,
+in the walks to and from church, he being monopolized by "some stupid
+person," who had far less right to him than she had; but at last,
+when she had been completely worried and vexed with her succession of
+disappointments, and had come into what Lionel would have emphatically
+called "a state of mind," Edmund contrived to come to her before going
+in doors, and asked if she could not take a few turns with him on the
+terrace. She came gladly, and yet hardly with full delight, for the
+irritation of the continually recurring disappointments through the
+whole day, still had its influence on her spirits, and she did not at
+first speak. "Where is Gerald?" asked Edmund.
+
+"I don't know; somewhere with the boys," said Marian, disconsolately.
+
+"Well, why not?" said Edmund laughing.
+
+"I don't know," said Marian.
+
+"That is a meditative 'I don't know,' which conveys more than meets the
+ear."
+
+"I don't know whether----; I mean I don't think it does Gerald any
+good."
+
+"It?--what?"
+
+"I don't know," repeated Marian in a tone which to any one else would
+have appeared sullen.
+
+"I should like to arrive at your meaning, Marian. Are you not happy
+about Gerald!"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian; but Edmund, convinced that all was not
+right, was resolved to penetrate these determined professions of
+ignorance.
+
+"Is Gerald under Miss Morley?" he asked.
+
+"Yes, during most of the day. They all say he is very good."
+
+"And does not that satisfy you?"
+
+"I don't know."
+
+Edmund perceived that the subject of her brother was too near her heart
+to be easily approached, and resolved to change his tone.
+
+"How have you been getting on?" he asked. "Does learning flourish under
+the present dynasty?"
+
+"I don't know," replied Marian for the seventh time, but she did not as
+usual stop there, and continued, "they think one knows nothing unless
+one has learnt all manner of dates, and latitudes, and such things. Not
+one of them knew Orion when they saw him in the sky, and yet even Clara
+thought me dreadfully stupid because I could not find out on the globe
+the altitude of Beta in Serpentarius, at New Orleans, at three o'clock
+in the morning."
+
+Edmund could not help laughing at her half-complaining, half-humorous
+tone, and this encouraged her to proceed.
+
+"In history they don't care whether a man is good or bad; they only care
+when he lived. O Edmund, the lists of names and dates, kings and Roman
+emperors----."
+
+"Metals, semi-metals, and distinguished philosophers," said Edmund; and
+Marian, who in days of old had read "Mansfield Park," laughed as she
+used to do at home.
+
+"Exactly," said she, "O, Edmund, it is very different learning from what
+it used to be. All lesson and no thinking, no explaining, no letting one
+make out more about the interesting places. I wanted the other day to
+look out in some history book to find whether Rinaldo in Tasso was a
+real man, but nobody would care about it; and as to the books, all the
+real good _grown-up_ ones are down in Mr. Lyddell's library, where no
+one can get at them."
+
+"Does not Miss Lyddell enter into these things?"
+
+"O yes, Caroline does, a great deal more than Miss Morley; but I don't
+know--I never can get on with Caroline----."
+
+Marian had now gone on to the moment when her heart was ready to be
+open, and the whole story, so long laid up for Edmund, began to be
+poured forth; while he, anxious to hear all, and more sympathizing than
+he was willing to show himself, only put in a word or two here and
+there, so as to sustain the narration. Everything was told, how Clara
+was frivolous and wearisome; how Caroline was cold, incomprehensible,
+and unsympathetic; how unjust and weak Miss Morley was; how sharp,
+hasty, and unmotherly she found Mrs. Lyddell; and then, growing more
+eager, Marian, with tears springing to her eyes, told of the harm the
+influence of Oakworthy was doing Gerald; his love of the stables, and
+Saunders' opinion of the company he was likely to meet there. This led
+her to more of Saunders' communications about the general arrangement
+of the house, and the want of really earnest care for what is right;
+further still to what Saunders had told of Elliot and his ways, which
+were such as to shock her excessively, and yet she had herself heard Mr.
+Lyddell say that he was a fine spirited fellow!
+
+Edmund was not sorry to find that he had but small space in which to
+give the reply for which Marian was eagerly looking. He avoided the main
+subject, and spoke directly to a point on which his little cousin was
+certainly wrong. "Well, Marian, who would have thought of your taking to
+gossiping with servants?" Then, as she looked down, too much ashamed to
+speak, he added, "I suppose poor Saunders has not sought for charms at
+Oakworthy any more than you have."
+
+"Indeed I do not think I tried to make the worst of it when I came."
+
+"Is that a confession that you are doing so now?"
+
+"I do not know."
+
+"Then let us see if you will give the same account to-morrow; I shall
+ask you whenever I see you particularly amiable. And now I think I have
+kept you out quite late enough."
+
+The next day was very pleasant, bright, and frosty; Marian, from having
+relieved her heart, felt more free and happy, and her lessons went off
+quickly and smoothly. All went well, even though Edmund was obliged to
+go and call on a friend at Salisbury instead of coming to walk with her.
+Her walk with Miss Morley and her cousins was prosperous and pleasant;
+the boys ran races, and Marian and Clara were allowed to join them
+without a remonstrance. Marian was running and laughing most joyously,
+when she was stopped by hearing a horse's feet near her, and looking
+round saw Edmund returning from his ride. "May I keep her out a little
+longer?" said he to Miss Morley, as he jumped off his horse, and Marian
+came to his side. Miss Morley returned a ready assent, and after
+disposing of the horse, the two cousins walked on happily together, she
+telling him some pleasant histories of Gerald and the other little boys,
+and lamenting the loss that Lionel would be when he went to school.
+After they had talked over Salisbury Cathedral, and Marian had heard
+with great interest of Edmund's late employments in Scotland, and all
+he was to do and see in Africa, and saying much about that never-ending
+subject, Fern Torr, Edmund thought her so cheerful that he said, "Well,
+may I venture to ask your opinion of the people here?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, who was so much ashamed of the accusation
+of gossiping with Saunders as to be willing to pass over all that had
+been founded on her information, "perhaps I did say too much yesterday,
+and yet I do not know I am sure I should never have chosen them for
+friends."
+
+"Perhaps they would return that compliment."
+
+"Then you really think it is my own fault?"
+
+"No;" (Edmund tried hard to prevent his "no" from being too emphatic,
+and forced himself to go on thus) "I do not suppose it is entirely your
+fault, but at the same time you do not strike me as a person likely to
+make friends easily."
+
+"O, Edmund, I could never bring myself to kiss, and say 'dearest' and
+'darling,' and all that, like Clara."
+
+"There is the thing," said Edmund; "not that it is wrong to dislike
+it, not that I could ever imagine your doing any thing like it;" and,
+indeed, the idea seemed so preposterous, that both the cousins
+laughed; "but the disposition is not one likely to be over and above
+prepossessing to strangers."
+
+"You mean that I am disagreeable?"
+
+"No, far from it. I only mean that you are chilly, and make almost all
+who come near you the same towards you."
+
+"I cannot help it," said Marian.
+
+"Yes, you could in time, if you did not fairly freeze yourself by
+constant dwelling on their worst points. Make the best of them with all
+your might, and you will soon learn to like them better."
+
+"But if the things are so, Edmund, how can I see them otherwise?"
+
+"Don't look out for them, and be glad of every excuse for disliking the
+people. Don't fancy harshness and unkindness where no one intends it. I
+am quite sure that Mr. Lyddell wishes to give you every advantage, and
+that Mrs. Lyddell thinks she treats you like her own child."
+
+"I don't think I should like to be her own child," said Marian. "It is
+true that she is the same with me as with them, but--"
+
+"Poor Marian," said Edmund, kindly, "you have been used to such
+gentleness at home, that no wonder the world seems hard and unkind to
+you. But I did not mean to make you cry; you know you must rough it, and
+bravely too."
+
+"Never mind my crying," said Marian, struggling to speak; "it is
+nothing, but I cannot help it. It is so very long since any one has
+known what I meant."
+
+Edmund could not trust himself to speak, so full was he of affectionate
+compassion for her, and of indignation against the Lyddells, when these
+few words revealed to him all her loneliness; and they walked on for a
+considerable distance in silence, till, with a sudden change of tone, he
+asked if she had had any riding since she came to Oakworthy.
+
+"O no, I have not been on horseback once. What a treat a good canter on
+Mayflower would be!"
+
+"I suspect one victory over her would put you in spirits to be amiable
+for a month," said Edmund.
+
+"Dear old Mayflower!" said Marian. "How delightful that day was when she
+first came home, and we took that very long ride to the Eastcombe!"
+
+Edmund and Marian fell into a line of reminiscences which enlivened them
+both, and she went in-doors in a cheerful mood, while he seriously took
+the riding into consideration; knowing, as he did, that her mother had
+thought a great deal of out-of-door exercise desirable for her, and
+guessing that her want of spirits might very probably arise from want of
+the air and freedom to which she had always been accustomed. The result
+of his meditations was, that the next morning she was delighted by
+Gerald's rushing into the school-room, calling out, "Put on your habit,
+Marian; make haste and put on your habit. You are to have my pony, and
+I am to have Lionel's, and Edmund is to have Sorell, and we are all to
+ride together to Chalk Down!"
+
+How fast Marian obeyed the summons may well be believed; and though
+Gerald's pony was not comparable to Mayflower, it was much to feel
+herself again in the saddle, with the fresh wind breathing on her
+checks, and Edmund by her side. Par and joyously did they ride; so far,
+that Gerald was tired into unusual sleepiness all the evening; but
+Marian was but the fresher and brighter, full of life and merriment,
+which quite surprised her cousins.
+
+But visits, alas! are fleeting things, and Edmund's last day at
+Oakworthy came only too soon. Precious as it was, it was for the most
+part devoted to business with Mr. Lyddell, though he sent Marian a
+message that he hoped for a walk with her and her brother in the
+afternoon.
+
+The hour came, but not the man; and while Caroline and Clara went out
+with Miss Morley, Marian sat down with a book to wait for him. In about
+an hour's time the boys came to tell her they were going to the pond
+with Walter.
+
+"O Gerald, won't you wait for Edmund?"
+
+"I have waited till I am tired. I cannot stay in this whole afternoon,
+and I do not think he will come this age."
+
+"He is shut up in the study with papa," said Lionel; "I heard their
+voices very loud, as if they were in _such_ a rage."
+
+"I wish I could see them," said Johnny, "it would be such fun."
+
+Away ran the boys, leaving Marian in a state of wonder and anxiety, but
+still confident that Edmund would not forget her. She put on her walking
+dress, and sat down to her book again, but still she was left to wait.
+The winter twilight commenced, and still no Edmund; steps approached,
+but not the right ones; and in came the walking party, with a general
+exclamation of "Poor Marian! what, still waiting?" Miss Morley advised
+her to take a few turns on the terrace, instead of practising that
+horrid Mozart. Marian disconsolately went down stairs, looking wistfully
+at the library door as she went past it, and, at a funeral pace,
+promenaded along the terrace. As she passed beneath the window of
+Caroline's room, a head was popped out, and a voice sang--
+
+  "So, sir, you're come at last, I thought you'd come no more,
+  I've waited with my bonnet on from one till half-past four!
+  You know I sit alone--"
+
+At that moment, Edmund himself was seen advancing from the door; the
+song ended in a scream of laughter and dismay, and the window was
+hastily shut. Edmund smiled a little, but very little, and said, "True
+enough, I am afraid I have used you very ill."
+
+"Tiresome affairs," said Marian, looking up into his harassed face. "I
+hope they have not made your head ache?"
+
+"I have been worried, but it is not the fault of the affairs, I wish you
+had not lost your walk," added he abruptly, beginning to stride on so
+fast that she could scarcely keep up with him, and apparently forgetting
+her presence entirely in his own engrossing thoughts. She watched him
+intently as she toiled to keep by his side, longing, but not daring,
+to inquire what was the matter. At last he broke out into a muttered
+exclamation, "destitute of all principle! all labour in vain!"
+
+"What--how--Mr. Lyddell?"
+
+"This whole day have I been at it, trying to bring him to reason about
+that farm!"
+
+"What? Did he wish the Dissenter to have it?"
+
+"He saw no objection--treated all I said as the merest moonshine!"
+
+"What? all the annoyance to the Wortleys, and the mischief to the poor
+people!" exclaimed Marian, "Why, we should have a meeting-house!"
+
+"Nothing more likely, in the Manor field, and fifty pounds
+subscribed--all for the sake of toleration and Gerald's interests."
+
+"You don't mean that he has done it?" said Marian, alarmed, and not
+quite understanding Edmund's tone of irony, "Cannot you prevent it?"
+
+"I have prevented It; I said that, with my knowledge of my uncle's
+intentions, I could never feel justified in consenting to sign the
+lease."
+
+"And that puts a stop to it? Oh, I am very glad. But I suppose he was
+very angry?"
+
+"I never saw a man more so. He said he had no notion of sacrificing
+Gerald's interest to party feeling."
+
+"How could it be for Gerald's interest to bring Dissenters to Fern Torr?
+I am sure it would be very disagreeable. I thought it, was quite wrong
+to have any dealings with them."
+
+"He has been popularity-hunting too long to have many scruples on that
+score."
+
+Marian could not help triumphing. "Well, Edmund, I am glad you have come
+to my opinion at last. I knew you would not like the Lyddells when you
+knew them better."
+
+"I never was much smitten with them," said Edmund, abruptly, as if
+affronted at the imputation of having liked them.
+
+"But Edmund," cried Marian, standing still in the extremity of her
+amazement, "what have you been about all this time? Have you not been
+telling me it is all my own fault that I do not get on with them?"
+
+He was silent for a little while; and then turning round half-way,
+as people do when much diverted, he broke out into a hearty fit of
+laughter. "It is plain," said he, at last, "that nature never designed
+me for a young lady's counsellor."
+
+"What do you mean, Edmund?"
+
+"I suspect I have done mischief," said Edmund, after a little
+consideration, "and I believe all that remains to be done is to tell you
+all, and come down from my character of Mentor, which certainly I have
+not fulfilled particularly well."
+
+"I am sure I do not understand you," said Marian.
+
+"Well, then," said Edmund, speaking in a more free and unembarrassed
+tone than he had used since he had been at Oakworthy, "this is the fact
+of the matter, as Mrs. Cornthwayte would say, Marian. I always thought
+it very unlucky that you were obliged to live here; but as it could not
+be helped, and I really knew nothing against the Lyddells, there was no
+use in honing and moaning about it beforehand, so I tried to make the
+best of it. Well, I came here, and found things as bad as I expected,
+and was very glad to find you steady in the principles we learnt at
+home. Still, I thought you deficient in kindly feeling towards them, and
+inclined to give way to repining and discontent, and I think you allowed
+I was not far wrong. To-day, I must allow, I was off my guard, and have
+made a complete mess of all my prudence."
+
+"O, I am very glad of it," said Marian. "I understand you now, and you
+are much more like yourself."
+
+"Yes, it was a very unsuccessful attempt," said Edmund, again laughing
+at himself, "and I am very glad it is over; for I have been obliged to
+be the high and mighty guardian all this time, and I am very tired of
+it;" and he yawned.
+
+"Then you don't like them any better than I do," repeated Marian, in a
+tone of heartfelt satisfaction.
+
+"Stop, stop, stop; don't think that cousin Edmund means to give you
+leave to begin hating them."
+
+"Hating them? O no! but now you will tell me what I ought to do, since
+there is no possibility of getting away from them."
+
+"No, there is no possibility," said Edmund, considering; "I could not
+ask the Marchmonts again, though they did make the offer in the first
+fulness of their hearts. Besides, there are objections; I should not
+feel satisfied to trust you to so giddy a head as Selina's. No, Marian,
+it cannot be helped; so let us come to an understanding about these same
+Lyddells."
+
+"Well, then, why is it that we do not do better? I know there are faults
+on my side; but what are the faults on theirs?"
+
+"Marian, I believe the fault to be that they do not look beyond this
+present life," said Edmund, in a grave, low tone.
+
+Marian thought a little while, and then said, "Caroline does, but I see
+what you mean with the others."
+
+"Then your conduct should be a witness of your better principles," said
+Edmund. "You may stand on very high ground, and it entirely depends
+on yourself whether you maintain that position, or sink down to their
+level."
+
+"O, but that is awful!" cried Marian; and then in a tone of still
+greater dismay, "and Gerald? O, Edmund, what is to become of him?"
+
+"I must trust him to you, Marian."
+
+"To me!"
+
+"You have great influence over him, and that, rightly used, may be his
+safeguard. Many a man has owed everything to a sister's influence."
+Then, as Marian's eye glistened with somewhat of tender joy and yet of
+fear, he went on, "But take care; if you deteriorate, he will be in
+great danger; and, on the other hand, beware of obstinacy and rigidity
+in trifles--you know what I mean--which might make goodness distasteful
+to him."
+
+"O, worse and worse, Edmund! What is to be done? If I can do him so much
+harm, I know I can do him very little good; and what will it be when he
+is older, and will depend less on what I say?"
+
+"He will always depend more on what you _do_ than on what you say."
+
+"But what can I do? all the schoolboy temptations that I know nothing
+about. And Elliot--O, Edmund! think of Elliot, and say if it is not
+dreadful that Mr. Lyddell should have the management of our own Gerald?
+Papa never could have known--"
+
+"I think, while he is still so young, that there is not much harm to be
+apprehended from that quarter," said Edmund; "afterwards, I believe
+I may promise you that he shall not be left entirely to Oakworthy
+training."
+
+"And," said Marian, "could you not make him promise to keep away from
+the stables? Those men--and their language--could you not, Edmund?"
+
+"I could, but I would not," said Edmund. "I had rather that, if
+he transgresses, he should not break his word as well as run into
+temptation. There is no such moral crime in going down to the stables,
+as should make us willing to oblige him to take a vow against it."
+
+"Would it not keep him out of temptation?"
+
+"Only by substituting another temptation," said Edmund. "No, Marian; a
+boy must be governed by principles, and not by promises."
+
+"Principles--people are always talking of them, but I don't half
+understand what they are," said Marian.
+
+"The Creed and the Ten Commandments are what I call principles," said
+Edmund.
+
+"But those are promises, Edmund."
+
+"You are right, Marian; but they are not promises to man."
+
+"I could do better if I had any one to watch me, or care about me," said
+Marian.
+
+Edmund's face was full of sadness. "We--I mean you, are alone indeed,
+Marian; but, depend upon it, it is for the best. We might be tempted not
+to look high enough, and you have to take heed to yourself for Gerald's
+sake."
+
+"I do just sometimes feel as I ought," said Marian; "but it is by fits
+and starts. O, Edmund, I would give anything that you were not going."
+
+"It is too late now," said Edmund, "and there are many reasons which
+convince me that I ought not to exchange. In a year or two, when I have
+my promotion, I hope to return, and then, Marian, I shall find you a
+finished young lady."
+
+Marian shuddered.
+
+"Poor child," said Edmund, laughing.
+
+"And you are going home," said Marian, enviously.
+
+"Home, yes," said Edmund, in a tone which seemed as if he did not think
+himself an object of envy.
+
+"Yes, the hills and woods," said Marian, "and the Wortleys."
+
+"Yes, I am very glad to go," said Edmund. "Certainly even the being
+hackneyed cannot spoil the beauty or the force of those lines of
+Gray's."
+
+"What, you mean, 'Ah! happy hills; ah! pleasing shade?'"
+
+"Yes," said Edmund, sighing and musing for some minutes before he again
+spoke, and then it was very earnestly. "Marian, you must not go wrong,
+Gerald must not--with such parents as yours----." Marian did not answer,
+for she could not; and presently he added, "It does seem strange that
+such care as my uncle's should have been given to me, and then his own
+boy left thus. But, Marian, you must watch him, you must guard him. If
+you are in real difficulty or doubt how to act, you have the Wortleys;
+and if you see anything about which you are seriously uneasy with regard
+to him, write to me, and I will do my utmost, little as that is."
+
+"Yes, yes, I am glad to be sure of it," said Marian.
+
+"Well, I am glad to have had this talk," said Edmund. "I did you
+injustice, Marian; you are fit to be treated as a friend: but you must
+forgive me, for it cost me a good deal to try to be wise with you."
+
+"I think you have seemed much wiser since you left it off," said Marian,
+"Somehow, though I was glad to hear you, it did not comfort me or set me
+to rights before."
+
+Edmund and Marian could have gone on for hours longer, but it was
+already quite dark; and the sound of Elliot's whistle approaching
+warned them that one was coming who would little understand their
+friendship,--why the soldier should loiter with the little girl, or why
+the young girl should cling to the side of her elder cousin. They went
+in-doors, and hastened different ways; they saw each other again, but
+only in full assembly of the rest of the family. And at last, soon after
+breakfast the nest morning, Marian stood in the hall, watching Edmund
+drive from the door; and while her face was cold, pale, and still as
+ever, her heart throbbed violently, and her throat felt as if she was
+ready to choke. She heard of him at Fern Torr, she heard of him at
+Portsmouth, she heard of his embarkation; and many and many a lonely
+moment was filled up with tears of storm and tempest; of fever and
+climate, of the lion and of the Caffre.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+  "Child of the town! for thee, alas!
+  Glad nature spreads nor tree or grass;
+  Birds build no nests, nor in the sun
+  Glad streams come singing as they run.
+  Thy paths are paved for five long miles,
+  Thy groves and hills are peaks and tiles,
+  Thy fragrant air is yon thick smoke,
+  Which shrouds thee like a mourning cloak."
+
+  ALAN CUNNINGHAM.
+
+
+And so Edmund was gone! But he had bequeathed to Marian a purpose and
+an object, which gave her a spirit to try hard and feel out a way for
+herself in this confused tangle of a world around, her. She was happier,
+though perhaps more anxious; for now it was not mere vague dislike and
+discontent, but a clearer perception both of the temptations around and
+of the battle required of her.
+
+In January the whole family went to London, the object of many of
+Marian's terrors. Caroline and Clara were both sorry to go, and the boys
+lamented exceedingly; Lionel saying it was very hard that the last two
+months before his going to school should be spent boxed up there, with
+nothing to do. Indeed the life of the schoolroom party was here more
+monotonous than that at Oakworthy; for besides the constant regularity
+of lessons, there was now no variety in the walks; they only paced round
+the square, or on fine days went as far as the park.
+
+And then there were the masters! Marian was in a state of great fear,
+under the anticipation of her first lessons from them; but the reality
+proved much better than she had expected. To be sure, she disliked the
+dancing with all her heart, and made no great figure in music; but
+people were patient with her, and that was a great comfort; and then she
+thoroughly liked and enjoyed the lessons in languages and in drawing.
+There were further advantages in the London life, upon which she had not
+calculated, for here she was nobody, less noticed than Caroline, seldom
+summoned to see visitors, and, when she went into the drawing-room,
+allowed to remain in the back-ground as much as she pleased; so that,
+though her eye pined for green trees and purple hills, and her ear was
+wearied with the never-ceasing sound of wheels, London so far exceeded
+her expectations, that she wrote to Agnes, that, "if there were no
+smoke, and no fog, and no streets, and no people, there would be no
+great harm in it, especially if there was anything for the boys to do."
+
+The boys were certainly to be pitied; in a house smaller than Oakworthy,
+and without the occupations out of doors to which they had been
+accustomed, edicts of silence were more ineffectual than ever, and yawns
+became painfully frequent. Every one's temper fell into an uncomfortable
+state of annoyance and irritation; Miss Morley, instead of her usual
+quiet, piteous way of reproving, was fretful; Caroline was sharp; Clara
+sometimes rude like the boys, sometimes cross with them; even Marian
+was now and then tormented into a loss of temper, when there was no
+obtaining the quiet which she, more than the others, needed in order to
+learn a lesson properly. Each day Lionel grew more unruly, chiefly from
+the want of occupation, leading the other two along with him; and each
+day the female portion of the party grew more inclined to fretfulness,
+as they felt their own helplessness. It even came to consultations
+between Miss Morley and Caroline whether they must not really tell of
+the boys: but the evil day was always put off till "next time."
+
+Gerald was riotous when Lionel and John made him so, but not often on
+his own account; and he had more resources of his own than they had. His
+drawing was a great amusement to him, though rather in a perverse way;
+for he would not be induced to take lessons of the master, seldom drew
+at the right time, or in the right place, and frequently in the wrong
+ones.
+
+"I never can learn except when I am drawing," he said, and his slate
+was often so filled with designs, that the sums were jostled into the
+narrowest possible space, while his Latin grammar was similarly adorned.
+There sat the Muse in full beauty, enthroned upon Parnassus, close to
+_musa musae; magister_ had a wig, and _dominus_ a great rod; while the
+extraordinary physiognomies round _facies faciei_ would have been worthy
+of any collection of caricatures. Moreover the illustrations of the verb
+_amo_ commemorated the gentleman who was married on Sunday, killed his
+wife on Wednesday, and at the preter-pluperfect tense was hanged on
+Saturday. Other devices were scattered along the margin, and peeped out
+of every nook--old men's heads, dogs, hunters, knights, omnibuses; and
+the habit of drawing so grew upon him, that when he was going to read
+any book where scribbling was insufferable, Marian generally took the
+precaution of putting all pencils out of reach.
+
+She often warned him to take care of the school-room Atlas; but, incited
+by Lionel, he could not resist the temptation of putting a pipe in the
+mouth of the Britannia who sat in a corner of the map of England. This
+pipe she carefully rubbed out, but not till it had received from the
+others a sort of applause which he took as encouragement to repeat the
+offence; and when next Marian looked at Britannia, she found the pipe
+restored, and a cocked hat on the lion's head. Again there was much
+merriment; and though Miss Morley, more than once, told Gerald this
+would never do, and he really must not, she could not help laughing so
+much, that he never quite believed her to be in earnest, and proceeded
+to people the world with inhabitants by no means proportioned to the
+size of their countries. John-o'-Groat and his seven brothers took
+possession of their house, Turks paraded in the Mediterranean, and in
+the large empty space in the heart of Africa, Baron Munchausen caused
+the lion to leap down the crocodile's throat.
+
+It was about this time that Marian was one day summoned to the
+drawing-room at an unusual time, and found Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell both
+there looking exceedingly gracious. "Here is a present for you, Marian,"
+said the former, putting into her hands a large thin parcel.
+
+"For me! O thank you!" said Marian, too much surprised and embarrassed
+to make much of her thanks; nor did her wonder diminish as, unfolding
+the paper, she beheld a blue watered silk binding, richly embossed, with
+the title of "The Wreath of Beauty," and soon there lay before her, in
+all the smoothness of India paper and mezzotint, a portrait, beneath
+which she read the name of Selina, Viscountess Marchmont.
+
+"Selina!" repeated she, in the extremity of her amazement.
+
+"Yes," said Mr. Lyddell, resting there in expectation of renewed and
+eager acknowledgements; but all he received was this--"Can that be
+Selina?"
+
+"It is said to be a very good likeness," said Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"O!" cried Marian, and there she checked herself.
+
+"Mr. Lyddell was quite struck with the resemblance to you," added Mrs.
+Lyddell.
+
+The astonishment of Marian's glance was greater than ever, but here
+she bethought herself that Mr. Lyddell had intended to give her great
+pleasure, and that she was very ungrateful; whereupon the room seemed to
+swim round with her in her embarrassment, and with a great effort she
+stammered out something about his being very kind, and her being very
+much obliged to him; and then, perceiving that she ought to add more, in
+order to satisfy that judge of politeness, Mrs. Lyddell, she said that
+it was a long time since she had seen Lady Marchmont, and that she could
+not so well judge of the likeness; and then she bore it away to sigh and
+wonder over it unrestrainedly with Gerald.
+
+No wonder the Lyddells were surprised, for Lady Marchmont's portrait was
+incomparably the most beautiful in the book; the classical regularity of
+the features, the perfect form of nose and chin, the lovely lip, and the
+undulating line of the hair, all were exquisite; the turn of the long
+neck, the _pose_ of the tall graceful figure, and the simple elegance
+of the dress, were such as to call for great admiration. But all that
+Marian saw was an affectation in that twisted position,--a straining
+round of the eyes, and a kind of determination at archness of expression
+in the mouth. Where was the merry, artless, sweet-looking Selina she
+remembered, whose yet unformed though very pretty features had faded
+from her memory, and left only the lively, good-natured expression
+which, here she sought in vain?
+
+"O Selina, Selina, can you be like this'?" exclaimed she; "and to think
+of their saying I am like it! I am sure I hope one is as true as the
+other."
+
+Gerald drew his face into a horrible caricature of the expression in the
+portrait, and set his sister laughing.
+
+"I hope I shall never see her If she has grown like it," said she,
+sighing.
+
+"I should take the stick to her if she was," said Gerald.
+
+"I am afraid it must be too true," said Marian, "or she would never
+allow herself to be posted up in this absurd way. I wonder Lord
+Marchmont allows it!"
+
+"I'll tell you, Marian," said the sympathising Gerald, "if I had ten
+beauties for my wife--"
+
+"Ten beauties! O, Gerald!"
+
+"Well, one ten times as beautiful as Selina, I mean; I would cure her of
+vanity well; for I would tell her that, if she chose to have her picture
+drawn in this Book of Beauty, it should only be with a ring through her
+nose, and two stars tattooed on her cheeks."
+
+"And a very good plan too," said Marian, laughing; "but I am afraid
+poor Selina cannot be in such good hands. See, here are the impertinent
+people writing verses about her, as if they had any business to ask
+her what she is thinking about. Listen, Gerald; did you ever hear such
+stuff?"
+
+  "Lady, why that radiant smile,
+  Matching with that pensive brow,
+  Like sunbeams on some mountain pile
+  Glowing on solemn heights of snow?
+
+  "Lady, why that glance of thought,
+  Joined to that arch lip of mirth,
+  Like shade by fleecy cloudlet brought
+  Over some paradise of earth?
+
+  "Yea, thou may'st smile, the world for thee
+  Is opening all its fairest bowers;
+  Yet in that earnest face I see
+  These may not claim thy dearest hours.
+
+  "But for thy brow, thy smile we deem
+  The gladsome mirth of fairy sprite;
+  But for thy smile, thy mien would seem
+  Some angel's from the world of light.
+
+  "Yet laughing lip and thoughtful brow
+  Are depths and gleams of mortal life;
+  Angel and fay, of us art thou,
+  Then art a woman and a wife!"
+
+"What would they have her to be? a husband?" said Gerald.
+
+Here Caroline and Clara came hastily in, eager to see the portrait and
+read the verses, and very far were they from being able to imagine why
+she did not like the portrait. Caroline owned that there might be a
+little affectation, but she thought the beauty very considerable; and as
+to Clara, she was in raptures, saying she never _did_ see any one half
+so lovely. And as to the verses, they were the sweetest things she
+ever read; and she carried them off to show to Miss Morley, who fully
+sympathised with her. Marian found no one to share her opinion but
+Gerald and Lionel, and their criticisms were unsparingly extended to
+Lady Marchmont's features, as well as her expression, "Such mincing
+lips! such untidy hair! Hollo! who has given her a black eye?" till they
+had not left her a single beauty.
+
+Marian hoped the subject was quite forgotten, when she had hidden
+away the book under all her others: but the nest time there was a
+dinner-party, Mrs. Lyddell desired her to fetch it, to show to some one
+who knew Lady Marchmont. She took it up stairs again us soon as she
+could, but again and again was she obliged to bring it, and condemned to
+hear it talked over and admired. One day when she was going wearily and
+reluctantly up stairs, she was arrested by a call from Lionel, who
+was creeping up outside the balusters in a fashion which had no
+recommendation but its extreme difficulty and danger.
+
+"Eh, Marian, what, going after beauty again?"
+
+"I wish it was Beauty and the Beast," said Marian, disconsolately.
+"There are different tastes in the world, that is certain; but don't
+break that neck of yours, Lionel."
+
+Lionel replied by letting go with one hand and brandishing that and his
+foot over the giddy space below. Marian frowned and squeezed up her
+lips, but did not speak till it pleased him to draw himself in again,
+and throw himself over the balusters before her, saying, "That is a
+reward for you, Marian; Clara would have screeched."
+
+The next time Marian was desired to fetch the book, it was for a morning
+visitor,--a broad, stately, pompous old lady, who had had the pleasure
+of meeting Lady Marchmont, and thought Miss Arundel very like her.
+
+"Are you going after beauty?" said Lionel, again meeting Marian on the
+stairs.
+
+"Yes," said Marian, with a sigh.
+
+"Well, I hope she will be pleased, that's all," said Lionel.
+
+Marian thought there was a meaning in this speech, but she was in haste,
+and without considering it, ran down stairs again. As she was opening
+the drawing-room door, she saw Gerald on the top of the stairs, calling
+to her, "Marian, have you that book? O, wait--"
+
+"I cannot come now, Gerald," said she, entering the room, and shutting
+the door after her. She laid the book on the table, and the page was
+opened.
+
+"O beautiful!" exclaimed the old lady, "How exact a likeness!"
+
+"Why, Marian!" broke involuntarily from Mrs. Lyddell, and Marian,
+looking at the print, could, in spite of her dismay, hardly keep from
+laughing; for the elegant Lady Marchmont now appeared decorated with a
+huge pair of mustachios, an elaborate jewelled ring in the nose, and a
+wavy star on each cheek, and in the middle of the forehead; while over
+the balustrade on which she was leaning there peeped a monster with
+grotesque eyes, a pair of twisted horns, a parrot's beak, vulture's
+claws, and a scaly tail stretching away in complicated spires far into
+the distance. No one could for a moment doubt that this was Gerald's
+work, and Marian felt sure that he had been thereto incited by Lionel.
+Extreme was her consternation at the thought of the displeasure which he
+had incurred; but in the mean time there was something very amusing
+in the sight of the old lady beginning to perceive that something was
+wrong, and yet not able to make it out, and not choosing to own her
+difficulties. Mrs. Lyddell, though vexed and angry, carried it off very
+well. "Ah! some mischief of the boys," said she, decidedly. "I am afraid
+it is not fit to be seen." And so saying, she closed the book, and
+changed the conversation.
+
+As soon as the visitor had taken leave, the scene was changed; Mrs.
+Lyddell walked hastily to the table, threw open the book, and began to
+examine into the degree of damage it had suffered. "I suppose you know
+nothing of this, Marian?" said she, surveying her with one of her
+quickest and most formidable glances.
+
+"O no," said Marian; "I am sure I am very sorry."
+
+"Well, I must inquire about it," said Mrs. Lyddell, taking up the
+book, and hastening towards the school-room, followed by poor Marian,
+trembling with all her heart for her brother, and somewhat for Lionel,
+even though she could not help being angry with him for having got
+Gerald into such a scrape.
+
+There stood the boys, looking partly exulting, partly frightened; Lionel
+a little more of the first, Gerald a little more of the second; for
+this was Gerald's first desperate piece of mischief, whereas Lionel had
+survived many such. Besides, Gerald's handiwork was too evident to be
+mistaken, while his companion's part in the folly could be known to no
+one; and though it might be guessed at by Marian, Lionel thought she
+might be trusted.
+
+The book was spread upon the table, and the expressions of horror from
+the three ladies of the school-room were as strong as could reasonably
+be expected.
+
+"Indeed," pleaded Miss Morley, in her deplorable tone, "I am continually
+ordering Sir Gerald not to scribble in books, but he never will obey."
+
+"That is not true!" cried Gerald, in a loud, startling voice.
+
+"Gerald," said Mrs. Lyddell, "that is no proper manner of speaking; you
+have behaved very ill already--do not add to your fault. Before any more
+is said, beg Miss Morley's pardon."
+
+There was a silence, and she repeated, "I desire that you will ask Miss
+Morley's pardon directly--still silent? what is the meaning of this?"
+
+Gerald stood bolt upright, and very rigid; poor Marian glancing
+appealingly, first at him, then at Mrs. Lyddell, then at Miss Morley,
+all equally without effect. She saw it all--that he might have been
+brought to own that be had done wrong about this individual case; but
+that the sweeping accusation of disobeying orders, which, as they all
+knew, were never given with anything like decision, had roused a proud,
+determined sense of injustice, and that he was ready to suffer anything
+rather than apologise. She was wild to speak, to do something; yet what
+could she attempt?
+
+Mrs. Lyddell would not begin upon the book-scribbling subject till she
+had conquered the spirit of defiance, and continued to insist on his
+begging Miss Morley's pardon; but the more she ordered, the more
+determined he grew. There he stood, his proud, dark eye fixed on a
+picture on the wall, his lip curled with a sort of disdain, and an
+expression in his whole motionless figure that, had his cause but been
+good, would have been resolution, whereas it now was only indomitable
+self-will and pride.
+
+At any rate, it was an expression that showed that he was not to be
+conquered by woman, though he might have been won over by her: and Mrs.
+Lyddell had tact enough to give up the battle without owning herself
+defeated, and without further discussion said, "Go to your own room,
+Gerald; I shall give you time to reflect and get the better of your
+obstinacy. You may come here again when you are ready to ask Miss Morley
+to forgive you for your very improper conduct towards her."
+
+Without turning to the right or left,--without one look towards his
+sister, Gerald walked out of the room, and even shut the door after him
+gently. Poor Marian, who could guess all that she felt?
+
+"This is very extraordinary," said Mrs. Lyddell, "so well-behaved a boy
+as he is in general."
+
+"Ah! boys of his age always get quite beyond ladies' management," said
+Miss Morley.
+
+"Such determined obstinacy!" said Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"Perhaps he did not understand you," said Marian, unable to keep from
+saying something, though she could not in her agitation think of
+anything to the purpose.
+
+"Understand? that is nonsense, Marian. What was there to understand?
+He spoke very improperly, find I desire him to apologise; and if he is
+obstinate, it is very wrong of you to defend him."
+
+Marian was silenced, though her heart was swelling and her temples
+throbbing. In another minute Mrs. Lyddell was summoned to some more
+company, and Marian had nothing worse to hear than her companions'
+commiseration for the book, and declarations that India rubber would do
+it no good.
+
+The afternoon passed away, and nothing was heard of Gerald: indeed,
+Marian understood him well enough to expect that nothing would be heard.
+As she was on her way to her own room, looking wistfully at his door,
+Lionel overtook her; and thumping her hard on the back, exclaimed,
+"Isn't it a jolly beast, Marian?"
+
+"O, Lionel, it was very naughty of you. How could you make Gerald behave
+so ill?"
+
+"Never mind, Marian, he will get out of it soon enough. Come, don't be
+savage; we did it all for your good."
+
+"My good! how can you talk such nonsense?"
+
+"Why, I'll bet you anything you like, that mamma will never be for
+having the little beastie down to show the company."
+
+Marian half smiled; it was pleasant to find that, towards her at least,
+the boys' intention had been anything but unkind, but still she hardly
+knew how to be placable with Lionel when he had led her brother into
+mischief, and then left him to bear all the blame.
+
+"It was very wrong," she repeated.
+
+"Come, don't be cross, Marian. You don't mean that you really cared for
+that trumpery picture?"
+
+"I did not care for it so much," said she, "but it was a valuable book,
+and it was very kind of your papa to give it to me, so I was sorry to
+have it spoilt."
+
+"Won't it rub out?" said Lionel.
+
+"No, of course not."
+
+"I thought pencil always did."
+
+"And then, Lionel, why could you not have thought what disgrace you were
+leading Gerald into?"
+
+"You don't think, Marian, I was going to be shabby enough to leave
+Gerald alone in the scrape? No, if I do, I'll give you leave to tell of
+me or do whatever you please; but you see now he is not in disgrace for
+drawing that pretty little beast, but for giving poor unfortunate a bit
+of his mind, so what use would there be in my putting my neck into the
+noose before my time? No, if Gerald is the fellow I take him for, and
+stands out about begging her pardon, the whole business of the book will
+blow over, and we shall hear no more of it."
+
+Marian shook her head. "O, Lionel, if you would only think whether a
+thing is right before you do it!"
+
+"How can you wish me to be so stupid, Marian?"
+
+"I am sure, Lionel, the funniest, merriest people that I know, think
+most about what is right."
+
+"Well, that may do in Devonshire perhaps," said Lionel, stretching
+himself, "but it won't here except with you. Indeed there is nobody else
+that I know of that does make such a fuss about right and wrong, except
+Walter, and he hasn't got an atom of fun to bless himself with."
+
+"But, Lionel, what good will all the fun in the world do us when we come
+to die?" said Marian, whispering.
+
+The boy looked full at her, but would not show that he felt any force
+in her words. "I don't mean to die just yet," he said, and by way of
+escaping from the subject he mounted on the balusters, and was sliding
+down as he had often done before, when by some hitch or some slip he
+lost his balance, and slid down without the power to stop himself.
+Marian thought him gone, and with suspended breath stood, in an agony of
+horror, listening for his fall on the stones of the hall far beneath;
+but the next moment she saw that he had been stopped by the turn of the
+staircase, and the instinct of self-preservation had made him cling fast
+to the rail with both hands, though he was unable to recover his footing
+on the narrow ledge of the steps beyond it. She did not scream or call,
+she ran down to the landing place--how she did it she knew not--but she
+threw her arms round him and succeeded in lifting and dragging him over
+the rail, which was not very high, till he stood on the safe side of the
+balusters, Her heart beat, her head swam, and she was obliged to sit
+down on the step and pant for breath; Lionel leant against the wall,
+for his nerve was not restored for a moment or two, after his really
+frightful peril. Not a word was spoken, and perhaps it was better that
+none should pass between them. Mr. Lyddell's step was heard ascending,
+and they both hurried away as fast as they could.
+
+No one was told of the adventure, it was not Marian's part to speak
+of it, if indeed she _could_ have done so, and it did not appear that
+Lionel chose to mention it. Perhaps it was that he did not like to enter
+upon it seriously, and it had been too much of an answer to his light
+speech to be made a laughing matter. At any rate he was silent, and
+Marian was very glad of it.
+
+Mr. Lyddell was coming up to visit the prisoner and try if he could
+bring him to reason, but it soon transpired that all his attempts had
+been in vain, even though he came to a threat that unless Gerald made
+his submission before the next day was at an end, he should be sent to
+school with Lionel at the end of another fortnight.
+
+Marian's distress increased, she was equally wretched at her brother's
+increasing misbehaviour and at its punishment, It was provoking to see
+Johnny walking about in all the grandeur and self-consequence of being
+quite out of the scrape, and evidently rejoicing that Gerald was in
+it; it was provoking to hear Miss Morley and the girls wondering, even
+Saunders' pity was provoking, and there was nothing that gave her the
+least comfort but the perception that Lionel was certainly graver and
+more subdued.
+
+She was allowed to go to her brother for a little while that evening,
+with some hope that she might prevail with him. She found him leaning
+against the window in the failing light, listlessly watching the horses
+and grooms in the mews, which his high window overlooked. He turned his
+head as she came in, but without speaking, and then looked back at the
+window, till she came up to him, put her arm round his neck and turned
+his face towards her. It was a sullen, dogged countenance, such as she
+had seldom or never seen him wear before.
+
+"Gerald, dear Gerald, what is the meaning of this? You never used to
+behave so?"
+
+"I never was served so before," muttered he.
+
+"You have drawn it on yourself. Why will you not submit and ask her
+pardon?"
+
+"What should I ask pardon for? I said nothing but the truth."
+
+"How can you say so. Gerald? Did you not know that you ought not to
+scribble in books? Can you say that Miss Morley has not often spoken to
+you about the Atlas?"
+
+"If you call 'O Sir Gerald!' and 'O you sad boy,' desiring me in a
+rational way, I don't," said Gerald, imitating the tones, "laughing and
+letting me go on; I thought she liked it."
+
+"Now seriously, Gerald."
+
+"Well, I mean that she did not care. If people tell me a thing they
+should make me mind them."
+
+"You should mind without being made, Gerald.
+
+"I would if I thought them in earnest. But now, Marian, was it not a
+horrid shame of her to speak just as if I had been always disobeying
+her on purpose, making Mrs. Lyddell go into a rage with me for what was
+entirely her own fault?"
+
+"No, no, Gerald, you cannot say it was her fault that you spoilt the
+picture."
+
+"I think she ought to beg my pardon for telling such stories about me,"
+repeated Gerald sullenly.
+
+"Recollect yourself, Gerald, you know she meant that she had put you in
+mind that you ought not; and don't you think that, true or not, your
+speech was very rude?"
+
+"If I was to beg her pardon it would mean that she spoke the truth,
+which she did not, for she never took any pains to prevent me from
+drawing in the map-book, or any where else."
+
+"It would not mean any such thing if you were to say, 'Miss Morley, I
+misunderstood you, and I am sorry I was so rude.' I am sure you must be
+sorry for that, for it was not at all like a gentleman. Will you come
+and say so?"
+
+"You're like the rest," mumbled Gerald, turning his back upon her, and
+sitting like a stock.
+
+"Don't you think it would be the best way? Would it not make you
+happier? O what is the use of being obstinate and disobedient? Think of
+going to school in disgrace. O! Gerald, Gerald, what is to be done?"
+
+Still she spoke with earnest pauses and anxious looks, but without the
+least effect, and at last she said, "Well, Gerald, I must go, and very
+much grieved I am. How would dear mamma like to see her little boy going
+on in this way?"
+
+She went to the door and looked back again there, and beheld Gerald,
+with his hands over his face, striving to suppress a burst of sobbing.
+She sprung to him, and would have thrown her arms round his neck, but he
+pushed her off roughly, and with strong effort, drove back the tears,
+and put on an iron face again. Again she entreated, but he would not
+open his lips or give the least sign of listening, or of attending to
+any persuasion, and she was obliged to leave him at last without hope of
+subduing his obstinacy. How far he was now from being the gentle, good
+child that he once had been! and by whose fault was it? Her spirit
+burned with indignation against those who, as she thought, had worked
+the change, and O! where was the influence from which Edmund hoped so
+much?
+
+The next day was long and miserable, for Gerald gave no sign of
+yielding, but remained shut up in his room, maintaining an absolute
+silence, when, at different times, Mrs. Lyddell went to visit him, and
+assure him that Mr. Lyddell was fixed in his determination to send him
+to school if he did not yield before the time of grace was up.
+
+The time of grace was at an end the next morning, and at nine o'clock,
+Gerald was summoned to the dining-room, where Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell were
+at breakfast. He wanted to carry it off with a high hand, but his long
+day of solitude had dulled him, and he looked pale and weary.
+
+"Gerald," said Mrs. Lyddell, "I am sorry you have so persisted in your
+misbehaviour to oblige us to punish you, as we threatened to do. Are you
+now willing to own that you did wrong?"
+
+"I ought not to have spoilt the book," said Gerald boldly, "and I was
+rude to Miss Morley."
+
+"There is a brave boy," said Mr. Lyddell, very much relieved. "Well,
+Gerald, I am glad you have given, in at last; I hate obstinacy, as I
+told you yesterday, but that is over, and we will say no more about it;
+only you know we told you that you should be sent to school, and we must
+keep our word."
+
+"Yes," said Gerald, trying not to let a muscle of his face relax; though
+now the die was cast, his consternation at the thought of school was
+considerable.
+
+"Well, you may go," said Mr. Lyddell, "and remember that obstinacy must
+be got out of a boy some way or other."
+
+Gerald went, and soon entered the schoolroom, where he walked up to Miss
+Morley, saying, "I am sorry I was rude to you the day before yesterday."
+
+"Ah! Sir Gerald, I was sure your better sense--your generous spirit--but
+I hope your submission--I hope Mr. Lyddell forgives--overlooks--"
+
+"I am to go to school when Lionel does, if that is what you mean,"
+replied Gerald, and then he came up to his sister, and looked earnestly,
+yet with an inquiring shyness into her face. Marian might have been
+hopeful, for his manner showed that it was for her opinion that he
+really cared; but she was sad and unhappy at seeing his pride still so
+far from being subdued, and though her heart yearned towards him, she
+shook her head and looked coldly away from him to her book.
+
+Gerald was chilled and went back to Lionel, who had plenty of ready
+sympathy for him; a story half caught from his mamma's report, half
+guessed at, that the old lady had looked full at the beast's curly tail,
+and had said she had never seen anything so like Lady Marchmont; the
+assertion of his own certainty that Gerald would never give in nor own
+that poor unfortunate had spoken the truth, and Gerald felt triumphant,
+as if his self-will had been something heroic, and his imprisonment and
+going to school a martyrdom. It did not last, Gerald's nature was gentle
+and retiring; he dreaded strangers, and his heart sank when he thought
+of school. He wanted his sister to comfort him, but he would soon be out
+of her reach. No Marian--all boys--all strange, and there was no help
+for it now. Gerald rested his forehead against the window and gulped
+down rising tears. But when he found himself on the point of being left
+alone with Marian, his pride rose, and he would not confess that he had
+been wrong or that he was unhappy, so he ran down stairs to find the
+other boys and to get out of her way.
+
+So it went on, Marian was very unhappy at this loss of his confidence;
+but the more she attempted to talk to him, the more he avoided her,
+being resolved not to show how great his dislike and dread of school
+was.
+
+"Gerald," said Lionel, the last day before they were to go, "I have been
+thinking I should like to give Marian something instead of that book."
+
+"So should I," said Gerald, delighted with the idea, for he was feeling
+all the time that he was vexing his sister, and wishing to do something
+by way of compensation.
+
+"I did not mean you," said Lionel, "for it----for you would never have
+been sharp enough to think of the beast for yourself. I only told you
+because you could tell me what she would like best. Papa has just given
+me a sovereign."
+
+"He has given me another," said Gerald, "and we will put them together,
+and do it handsomely."
+
+"Well, what shall it be? Not that stupid book over again."
+
+"O no, no, she has had enough of that already, and there are plenty of
+other books that she wants."
+
+"No, don't let it be a book," said Lionel; "I can't think how anybody
+can like reading, when they can help it."
+
+"Well, I do like some reading, when it is a shipwreck, or a famous
+bloody battle," said Gerald.
+
+"Yes, but then it makes one's eyes ache so."
+
+"It does not mine."
+
+"Well, if I go on long it always makes mine ache," said Lionel. "And
+don't the letters look green and dance about, when you read by candle
+light?"
+
+"No," said Gerald. "How funny that is, Lionel. But I'll tell you what,
+we will get Walter to take us out, and we shall be sure to see something
+famous, in some shop-window or other."
+
+Walter was at home for the Easter vacation, and under his protection the
+boys were allowed to go out. Very patient he was, and wisely did he
+give his counsel in the important choice which, if left to the boys
+themselves, might probably have been really something famous. Marian
+would have been grateful to him, had she known all that he averted from
+her, a stuffed fox, an immense pebble brooch, a pair of slippers covered
+with sportive demons. At every shop which furnished guns, knives, or
+fishing tackle, they stopped and lamented that she was not a boy,
+there was nothing in the world fit for girls; they tried a bazaar, and
+pronounced everything trumpery, and Walter was beginning to get into
+despair, when at last Lionel came to a stop before a print shop, calling
+out, "Hollo, Gerald, here's Beauty and the Beast itself!"
+
+It was the beautiful engraving from Raphael's picture of
+
+  Saint Margaret in meekness treading
+  Upon the dragon 'neath her spreading.
+
+And Walter, rejoicing that their choice was likely to fall on anything
+which a young lady might be so glad to possess, conducted them into the
+shop, and gave all the desired assistance in effecting the purchase. It
+was a fine impression, and the price was so high as to leave the boys'
+finances at rather a low ebb; but Walter, in his secret soul, thought
+this by no means to be regretted, since it was much better for them
+that it should be generously spent at once in this manner, than that it
+should be frittered away in the unaccountable and vain manner in which
+he had usually seen schoolboys' money wasted.
+
+So S. Margaret was bought and rolled up, and so afraid were the boys
+that she should not be rightly sent home, that they insisted on carrying
+her themselves, and almost quarrelled as to which should have the first
+turn.
+
+Marian, on coming into her room, found both the boys on the top of the
+chest of drawers, trying to pin the print up against the wall, and
+though her arrival caused them some discomfiture, it was on the whole
+a fortunate circumstance, since it saved the corners from extensive
+damage.
+
+"O Lionel! O Gerald! how beautiful! how very nice! What a lovely face!
+Is it really for me? How I do thank you, but I am afraid you have spent
+all your money."
+
+"It is a better Beauty and the Beast than the old one," said Gerald,
+"Isn't it, Marian?"
+
+"A better beauty, but not a better beast," said Lionel.
+
+"It is very beautiful indeed," said Marian; "I shall get a frame for it,
+and it will always put me in mind of you both."
+
+"Yes, you will always think of me when you look at the beauty," said
+Lionel, "and of Gerald when you look at the beast."
+
+"S. Margaret and the dragon! I wish I knew the story," said Marian;
+"but I suppose it is an allegory like that of S. George. How good and
+innocent she looks! Yes, see, Gerald, she is walking pure and white
+through the park forest, and conquering the dragon. You see the palm in
+the hand for victory. So innocent and so fearless."
+
+"I thought it would be one of those funny Roman Catholic stories, like
+what Caroline was reading one day," said Lionel.
+
+"I don't like making fun of those," said Marian. "They often mean a
+great deal, if you don't laugh at them, and tell them properly. I
+am sure this print is to put us in mind of how we are to overcome
+temptation, and I do like it very much. Thank you both."
+
+Lionel was here called away, but Gerald remained, and proceeded to a
+more minute examination of the beauties of the print, of which he was
+very proud.
+
+"O, Gerald, dear, if we could be like it," said Marian.
+
+"Like it? That you'll never be, Marian; your hair is too black."
+
+"Yes, but like it within. Pure and clear from sin in the midst of a bad
+world. I shall look at it and think of that very often, and you must
+think too, Gerald."
+
+"I mean to be good at school," said Gerald.
+
+And leaning against his sister, he let her talk to him as in times of
+old, advising him with all her might, for he really liked it, and was
+comfortable in having it so, though he would have been ashamed to
+own that he did. Her advice was at once childish and wise; sometimes
+sensible, sometimes impracticable. Let any sister of fourteen think what
+counsel she would give a brother of nine if he would but listen to her,
+and she will have a very fair idea of it. Gerald listened and promised
+earnestly, and she thought, hoped, and trusted that his promises would
+be kept: she reminded him of all that could strengthen his resolution,
+and talked of the holidays with what cheer she might. She had copied out
+a morning and evening prayer from her own treasured book, rather than
+give him such another, because she thought he would perhaps heed them
+more in her handwriting, and she now gave them to him, folded up in a
+neat little silk case, which he could keep without observation. How she
+put her arm round him and pressed him towards her as she gave them into
+his hand, and felt that she was doing what her mother would have done,
+so earnestly, so tearfully, so much more impressively. O was she
+watching them now?
+
+The brother and sister were interrupted at last, and called down to tea.
+The evening passed away heavily, spent as it was for the most part in
+the drawing-room; and the last thing before the boys went to bed, Lionel
+pushing Gerald roughly off, held Marian fast by the hand, and whispered
+in her ear, "I say--you've written out something for Gerald."
+
+"Yes," she answered, horrified that he should have found it out.
+
+"Would you mind doing it for me? Don't tell any one."
+
+Was not this a pleasure? Marian sat up in her dressing-gown that night
+to write the prayers in her very clearest writing, for she knew Lionel
+never liked to read what was not large and clear, and she guessed that
+late in the evening, after all his lessons, he would have too many
+"green and blue monsters," as he used to call them, before his eyes,
+to be willing to give them more work than he could possibly help. She
+thought her mamma would have been very uneasy if she had heard of those
+green and blue monsters, and she wondered whether Mrs. Lyddell knew
+or cared about them, but Lionel was one of the least regarded of the
+family, and nobody but Johnny ever thought it worth while to make a
+trifling complaint to her. It was far worse that Lionel should be left
+to obtain a form of private prayer by such a chance as this. Alas! alas
+for them all! She was too unhappy to think more of Lionel, and in the
+midst of earnest prayers for Gerald, she cried herself asleep.
+
+Poor child, she was too miserable all the next day to give us any
+pleasure in contemplating her.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+  "Too soon the happy child
+  His nook of homeward thought will change;
+  For life's seducing wild;
+  Too son his altered day-dreams show
+  This earth a boundless space,
+  With sunbright pleasures to and fro,
+  Coursing in joyous race."
+
+  _Christian Year_.
+
+
+A couple of weeks had passed away, and Marian was beginning to feel
+rather more accustomed to the absence of Gerald and Lionel, and to find
+pleasure in the letters which spoke of her brother taking a good place,
+and from which it did not appear that he disliked school so much as she
+had feared. Still she could not but miss him grievously, and feel the
+want of some one to cling to her, bring his troubles to her, and watch
+for moments of private conference. Her days seemed to follow each other
+without animation or interest; and if it had not been for some of her
+lessons, and for his letters and Agnes Wortley's, she felt as if she
+could have done nothing but yawn till the holidays.
+
+One day, as the young ladies were returning from a walk in the park,
+they saw a carriage standing at their own door,--too frequent an
+occurrence, as Marian thought, to call for such warm interest as Clara
+expressed. Yet even Marian grew eager when she heard her cousins exclaim
+that there was a coronet on it,--a Viscount's coronet. They were now
+close to the house, just about to ring, when the door opened, the
+visitor came out, and at that moment Marian sprang forward with a joyful
+face, but without a word. The lady held out both hands, and standing on
+the top of the steps of the door, she drew Marian up to her, and kissed
+her on each cheek with great eagerness, completely regardless of the
+spectators.
+
+"Marian, dear little Marian herself! I was afraid I had quite missed
+you, though I waited as long as I could. You look like your own self,
+little pale cheeks! Well, I must not stay; I have arranged with Mrs.
+Lyddell for you to spend to-morrow with me. I will send the carriage for
+you, and you know how much I have to show you--my husband and my son!
+You will come, Marian? Not a word? Ah! your own way. Good-bye; you will
+find your tongue to-morrow. Good-bye."
+
+She let go the hands and sprang into the carriage, giving a smile and
+nod as she drove off, that filled Marian's soul, almost to overflowing,
+with a rush of memories. It was as if she was no longer standing on the
+hard steps, with black streets, and tall, dingy yellow houses bounding
+her view, and carriages thundering in her ears; no longer lonely among
+numbers, but as if she was on the bright green grass-plat by the
+Manor-House door, the myrtles and sycamore nodding round her; the
+shadows of the clouds chasing each other in purple spots over the
+moors; her father at the window; her mother, Gerald, Edmund, Agnes, all
+standing round; that sweet voice, with, that same bright smile, that
+same arch little nod, repeating the "good-bye," and speaking of meeting
+next year; and Marian herself thinking how very long a year would be.
+And now two years had passed since that time, and such years! How
+much older Marian felt! But there was Selina--Selina herself, not the
+Beauty--that was enough for joy!
+
+Marian was roused from her dream by exclamations of delight and
+admiration from her cousins, "How very beautiful!" "O, I never saw
+anything so lovely!" "Marian, how could you say that she was not like
+her picture?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, gradually waking from her trance.
+
+"Don't you think her the most beautiful creature you ever saw?"
+
+"I don't know."
+
+"Don't know!" cried Caroline, impatiently. "Do you know whether your
+head is on or not?"
+
+"I don't--nonsense," said Marian, laughing heartily, "The fact was, I
+never had time to look or think whether she was pretty; I only saw she
+was just like herself."
+
+"Well, Marian; so you met her?" said Mrs. Lyddell's voice in its most
+delighted tone, at the top of the stairs. "I never saw a more charming
+person. So very handsome, and so elegant, and so very agreeable. You
+have heard of her invitation?"
+
+"Yes; thank you for letting me go," said Marian.
+
+"O yes, of course! I am delighted that you should have the advantage of
+such an acquaintance. I hope it will be quite an intimacy. I am sure
+whenever--Well, certainly, I never met with anything more fascinating.
+She spoke of you with such affection, my dear; I am sure she must be the
+most delightful person!"
+
+Marian was not suffered to proceed up stairs till she had been told
+all the particulars of Lady Marchmont's visit, and had answered many
+questions respecting her; and, when she went up to the school-room,
+it was the same thing. The party there seemed to look upon their good
+fortune, in having had a sight of her, something as if they had seen
+the Queen, or "the Duke;" and it was with a sort of awe that Clara
+pronounced the words "Lady Marchmont," as she talked over every
+particular of her dress and deportment.
+
+All this in some degree perplexed Marian. Titled ladies were by no means
+unusual among Mrs. Lyddell's visitors, and did not create anything
+like this sensation; and she had not been used at home to hear Selina
+Grenville talked of as anything more than a wild, gay-tempered girl,
+whose character for wisdom did not stand very high. To be sure she was
+now married, and that might make a difference; but then Edmund had since
+spoken of her as giddy, and as if he had not the highest idea of her
+discretion. Moreover, it struck Marian herself that she had spoken of
+her husband and child just as if they were two playthings, to be shown
+off. Of course that was only in fun, but Marian's was the time of life
+to have great ideas of the requisite gravity of demeanour in a married
+woman. Altogether, much as she loved Selina, and clever and engaging
+as she thought her, it astonished her not a little to find that the
+relationship conferred upon herself such distinction in the eyes of her
+cousins; and she spent the evening and the next morning alternately in
+speculations of this kind, hopes of a home-like day, and fears that
+Selina after all might prove the affected Viscountess of the Wreath of
+Beauty.
+
+The time came, the carriage was sent punctually, and in due time Marian
+was being marshalled up the broad staircase by the tall servants, in all
+the trepidation of making her first visit in state on her own account,
+and feeling at every step as if she was getting further into the Wreath
+of Beauty. Across a great drawing-room,--such a beautiful grand room,--a
+folding door is opened; "Miss Arundel" is announced, and there she
+stands in all her stiffness.
+
+There was a little table near the fire, and beside it sat Lady
+Marchmont, writing notes, in the plainest and most becoming of morning
+dresses,--a sort of brown holland looking thing, with a plain, stiff,
+white collar, and a dark blue ribbon, her only ornament, except one
+large gold bracelet. Her hair was twisted in glossy sunny waves behind
+her ear, as in some Greek statues; her blue eyes were bright and
+lustrous, and nothing was ever clearer and more delicate than the slight
+tinge of red on her cheeks. Lord Marchmont was standing leaning on the
+mantelshelf, apparently in consultation with her.
+
+As soon as Marian entered, Selina's pen was thrown down, and she flew
+forward, throwing her arms round her little cousin, and kissing her
+repeatedly. Then, her arm round Marian's neck, and her hand on her
+shoulder, she led her towards Lord Marchmont, who stepped forward to
+receive her, saying, "Yes, here she is, here is your little cousin; and
+hero, Marian, here is your great cousin. Now I would give five shillings
+to know what you think of each other."
+
+"I suppose one part of that pleasure will only be deferred till I am out
+of the room," said Lord Marchmont, as he shook hands with Marian in a
+kind, cordial, cousinly manner. He was a brown, strong-featured man of
+three or four and thirty, hardly young enough, and far from handsome
+enough, in Marian's very youthful eyes, to be suited to his wife, but
+very sensible and good-natured looking.
+
+"No, Marian is a safe person, and will get no further than 'I don't
+know;' at least if she is the Marian I take her for," said Lady
+Marchmont.
+
+"Very prudent," was his answer, smiling at Marian; and then, in
+compassion to her confusion, gathering up his papers, and preparing to
+depart.
+
+"Are you going?" said his wife. "Well, I do you the justice to say that,
+under the circumstances, it is the wisest proceeding in your power; for
+I shall not get three words out of Marian all the time you are here."
+
+After a few more words of consultation on their own affairs, he left the
+room, and then Selina caught hold of Marian again, and said she must
+have a thorough good look at her all over, to see how much of dear old
+Fern Torr she had brought with her.
+
+Selina Grenville was the youngest daughter of a sister of Sir Edmund
+Arundel, who had, like the rest of her family, died early. She had been
+a good deal abroad with her father and a married sister. Her uncommon
+beauty and engaging manners gained her, when she was little more than
+eighteen, the affection of Lord Marchmont, a more distant connection
+of the Arundel family; and happily for Selina, she appreciated him
+sufficiently to return his love so thoroughly, as to lay aside all the
+little coquetries which had hitherto been the delight of her life; and
+to devote herself to him even as he deserved.
+
+It might have been that the poem had said too much in pronouncing her to
+be a woman as well as a wife; for Selina Marchmont was almost as much of
+a child as Selina Grenville had been, and only now and then did those
+deeper shades of thought pass over her face, which showed how much soul
+there was within her as yet only half developed. Her manners were almost
+more playful than suited her position, though they became her perfectly;
+her husband delighted in them; but it was this that had given her grave
+and saddened cousin, Edmund, an impression that her sense was not of a
+high order.
+
+She was very warm-hearted. She had been exceedingly attached to her
+uncle and aunt at Fern Torr; and now it seemed as if she could never
+fondle Marian enough. The first thing was to show her baby, but she
+premised that she did not expect Marian to go into raptures about him;
+she never did expect any one to like babies. "In fact, Marian," she
+whispered, "don't betray me, but I am a wee bit afraid of him myself. It
+is such a very little live thing, and that nurse of his never will let
+me have any comfort with him, and never will trust me to get acquainted
+with him in a _tete-a-tete_, poor little man! O, here he comes! the
+Honourable William James Bertram Marchmont--his name nearly as long as
+himself."
+
+In came a broad, tall, dignified nurse, large enough to have made at
+least four Selinas, carrying a small bundle of long white robes. Selina
+took the little bundle in her arms rather timidly, and held it for
+Marian to see. Pew babies were ever looked at more silently; he was a
+small, but pretty, healthy-looking child of between two and three months
+old,--a very wax doll of a baby, with little round mottled arms moving
+about, and tiny hands flourishing helplessly, he looked just fit for his
+mamma. She held him with the fond, proud, almost over care with which
+little girls take for a moment some new brother or sister; and as she
+gazed upon him without a word, the earnest intensity of expression
+gathered upon her beautiful face. After about five minutes thus spent,
+she roused herself, and began gaily to tell Marian not to trouble
+herself to seek for a likeness in him to anybody, or to say anything so
+wild as that he in the least resembled her or his papa; and then she
+nodded and smiled at him, and seemed as if she would have talked to him
+and played with him, if his nurse had not been standing close by all the
+time, looking as if she was being defrauded of her property.
+
+"It is time Master Marchmont should be taken out before the sun goes
+off, my Lady," said she, authoritatively.
+
+"Very well, I suppose he must," said Selina, reluctantly giving him back
+again after a timid kiss.
+
+"There goes my lady nurse and her child," said she with a sigh, hidden
+even from herself by a laugh. "I am sure he seems a great deal more hers
+than mine; but there, I should never know what to do with him. Come,
+Marian, now for all about yourself, my poor child. How do they use you?"
+
+Much indeed there was to hear; and much to tell on either side, and
+scarcely for a moment did the two cousins cease from talking as they sat
+together in the morning, and drove together in the afternoon. Selina was
+one of those people who have a wonderful power of dispelling reserve,
+chiefly by their own frankness; and when she had told Marian all the
+history of her first sight of Lord Marchmont, and the whole courtship,
+and all that she had thought "so very noble" in him, and tried to make
+her understand how very happy she was, Marian's heart was open in her
+turn. Not the depths of it,--not such things as by a great effort she
+had told to Edmund, and might possibly tell to Mrs. Wortley, but much
+more than she could ever have said to any one else; and free and
+abundant was the sympathy and pity she received,--pity even beyond what
+she thought she deserved. She was surprised to observe that Selina spoke
+of the Lyddells with a sort of contempt, as if they were wanting in
+refinement; whereas she herself had never thought of their being
+otherwise than lady-like, and certainly very fashionable; but she
+supposed Lady Marchmont knew best, and was pleased to find herself
+considered superior. Gerald was of course one of their subjects of
+conversation, and gradually Marian, with her strict regard to truth,
+from a little unguardedness, found herself involved in a tangle from
+which there was no escape, without telling the whole story of the Wreath
+of Beauty.
+
+She need not have been afraid; Selina laughed as if nothing would ever
+make her cease, and insisted on Marian's bringing the portrait the next
+time she came to visit her. She vowed that she would patronise Lionel
+for ever for his cleverness; and when Marian looked sorrowful about the
+consequences, she told her that it was much better for Gerald to be at
+school, and she was very glad he was gone; and then she patted Marian's
+shoulder, and begged that she would not think her very cruel for saying
+so.
+
+Marian was very glad to be able to acquit her of vanity, when she heard
+the history of the insertion of the engraving, which had been entreated
+for by persons whom Lord Marchmont did not like to disoblige. The
+engraving both he and Selina disliked very much; and when Marian saw the
+original portrait, she perceived that the affectation did not reside
+there, for it was very beautiful, and the only fault to be found with it
+was chiefly attributable to the fact that miniatures always make
+people look so pretty, that this did not give the idea of a person so
+surpassingly lovely as Selina.
+
+Lord Marchmont came in several times to speak to his wife, but Marian
+did not see much of him till dinner-time, and then she liked him very
+much. He was certainly rather a grave person, and she wondered to see
+how Selina could be so merry with him; but he was evidently amused,
+and Marian had yet to learn how a clever and much occupied man likes
+nonsense to be talked to him and before him in his hours of relaxation.
+He behaved to Marian herself very kindly, and just as if she was a
+grown-up person,--a treat which she had scarcely enjoyed since she left
+Fern Torr; and though she was silent, as usual when with strangers, it
+was with no uncomfortable shyness: she was more at ease already with him
+than with Mr. Lyddell.
+
+Selina told him the history of Gerald's works of art in so droll a
+manner, that Marian herself saw it in a much funnier aspect than she had
+ever done before. He was much diverted, and turning to Marian, said,
+with seriousness that would have alarmed her, but for Selina's laughter,
+and a certain sub-smile about the corners of his mouth, that he hoped he
+was not to take the Beast as anything personal. Selina told him that she
+wanted him to convince Marian that it was a very good thing for Gerald
+to be sent to school, and he set to work to do so in earnest with much
+kindness, and by asking sundry questions about her brother's attainments
+and tastes, he so won her, that she was ready to do him the honour of
+acknowledging him as one of her own cousins.
+
+The evening came too soon to an end, though the carriage had not been
+ordered to take Marian home, till ten o'clock. It had all been like one
+dream of brightness, and Marian, when she awoke the next morning, could
+hardly believe that it was the truth that she had enjoyed herself so
+much, and that a house containing such happiness for her could be in
+London or so near her.
+
+The schoolroom looked very black and dull after the bright little
+sitting-room where she had parted with Selina; the lessons were
+wearisome, her companions more uncongenial than ever; she felt actually
+cross at the examination to which Clara subjected her about every trifle
+she could think of, in the house of Marchmont. She could have talked of
+its delights if there had been anybody to care about them in her own
+way, but that was the great if of Marian's life. She was conscious
+that her day's pleasure had unhinged her, and made her present tasks
+unusually distasteful, and she thought it the fault of the Lyddells, and
+in a great fit of repining blamed Edmund for injustice to Selina in
+not letting her house be their home. Her great hope was of another day
+there, the only thing that seemed to give a brightness to her life, and
+she looked forward to an intercourse between Lady Marchmont and Mrs.
+Lyddell, which would produce continual meetings.
+
+However, time passed on, and she did not see Selina. Mrs. Lyddell took
+her when she went to return the visit, but Lady Marchmont was not at
+home. It was not till after more than a fortnight that she received a
+little note from her, saying that they were going to a show of flowers,
+and would send for Marian to go with them.
+
+There was quite a commotion in the house on the occasion; not that all
+were not willing that Marian should go, but that Mrs. Lyddell thought
+her dress not at all fit; the plain straw bonnet which Marian _would_
+buy, in spite of all that could be said to the contrary, and that old
+black silk dress which did very well just for going to Church in, with a
+governess, but----
+
+Mrs. Lyddell and Saunders were for once in their lives agreed; and
+Marian, who thought her money would have served her this time to
+fulfil her grand scheme of buying Tytler's History of Scotland, was
+overpowered, and obliged to let them have their will, and wear it
+outside her head, in white silk; instead of inside, in Robert Bruce's
+wanderings.
+
+She was quite ready, in new bonnet and mantle, by the time Lady
+Marchmont's carriage was at the door, and very happy she was to find
+herself by her side again. Perhaps there was a little consciousness
+of newness in the manner in which she wore them, for Lady Marchmont
+remarked upon them, and said that they were very pretty, as in fact they
+were. Marian looked disconsolate, and Selina laughingly asked why. She
+told her former wishes, and was further laughed at, or rather Mrs.
+Lyddell was. Selina said the old bonnet would have done just as well;
+"it was so like such people to smarten up for a great occasion."
+
+Such people! Marian wondered again, and disliked her white bonnet more
+than ever, resolving for the future to trust her own taste. She soon
+forgot all this, however, in the pleasure of seeing green grass and
+trees, and the beautiful, most beautiful flowers, with their delicious
+perfume. This was real delight, such as she had never imagined before,
+and she thought she could have studied the wonderful forms of those
+tropical plants for ever, if it had not been for the crowds of people,
+and for a little awe of Lord Marchmont, who had given her his arm, and
+who did not seem to know or care much even for the dove orchis or the
+zebra-striped pitcher-plant. She wished she could turn him into Edmund,
+and looked at every plant which she fancied a native of the Cape, almost
+as kindly as if it had been a primrose of Fern Torr.
+
+It was another delightful day. Marian went back with her friends,
+and sat by while Selina was dressed for an evening party, heard a
+description of her home in the country, and gave a very unflattering one
+of Oakworthy, gained somehow or other a renewed impression of her own
+superiority to the Lyddells, and went home to indulge in another fit of
+discontent.
+
+Such were Marian's visits to Lady Marchmont, and such their effect. Mrs.
+Lyddell did much indeed that was calculated to give strength to the
+feeling by the evident pride which she took in Marian's familiarity with
+Lady Marchmont, and even in the cold, distant, formal civility with
+which she herself was treated.
+
+There was danger around Marian which she did not understand, the world
+was tempting her in a different way. She disliked what she saw among the
+Lyddells too much to find their worldly tastes and tempers infectious,
+but her intercourse with Selina was a temptation in a new form. She
+loved Selina so heartily as to see with her eyes, and be led by her in
+opinions: especially when these were of a kind according with her own
+character. It was from her that Marian imbibed the idea that she was to
+be pitied for living in her present home, not because Mrs. Lyddell's
+mind was set on earth and earthly things, but because she did not belong
+to those elite circles which Marian learnt to believe her own proper
+place. Edmund had told her she might stand on high ground, and she
+believed him, but was this such high ground as he meant? The danger did
+not strike Marian, because it did not seem to her like pride, since the
+distinction, whatever it was, did not consist in rank; she would have
+had a horror of valuing herself on being a baronet's daughter, but this
+more subtle difference flattered her more refined feelings of vanity;
+and though she was far from being conscious of it, greatly influenced
+her frame of mind, and her conduct towards her cousins. It was not
+without reason now that Caroline thought her proud.
+
+It must not, however, be supposed that this was Marian's abiding frame
+of mind; it was rather the temper which was infused into her by each
+successive visit to Selina during the next three years. Of course, every
+time it was renewed, it was also strengthened, but it was chiefly her
+London disposition, and used in great degree to go off when she
+was taken up with the interests of Oakworthy, and removed from the
+neighbourhood of Lady Marchmont.
+
+Oakworthy was so preferable to London, except so far as that she was
+there out of Selina's reach, that she began to have a kindness for it.
+She knew some of the poor people there, in whom Caroline had kept up an
+interest ever since Miss Cameron's time; the smoky streets of London
+had taught her to prize the free air and green turf of the Downs; and,
+thanks to Edmund, her own dear Mayflower awaited her there, and she
+enjoyed many a canter with Caroline and Walter. She began for the first
+time to become acquainted with the latter, and to learn to look upon him
+with high esteem, but to obtain a knowledge of him was a very difficult
+matter. He was naturally diffident and bashful, and his spirits were
+not high; he had been thrown more and more into himself by his mother's
+hastiness of manner and his father's neglect. His principles were high
+and true, his conduct excellent, and as he had never given any cause for
+anxiety, he was almost always overlooked by the whole family. Nor was he
+clever, and the consciousness of this added to his timidity, which being
+unfortunately physical as well as mental, caused him to be universally
+looked down upon by his brothers. Even Marian began to share the
+feeling when she saw him turn pale and start back from the verge of a
+precipitous chalk pit where she could stand in perfect indifference, and
+when she heard him aver his preference for quiet horses. Mayflower's
+caperings were to him and Caroline so shocking, and it appeared to them
+so improper that she should be allowed to mount such an animal, that but
+for her complete ease, her delight in the creature's spirit, and her
+earnest entreaties, a complaint against Mayflower would certainly have
+been preferred to the authorities.
+
+In spite of all this, there was satisfaction in talking to Walter, for
+he saw things as Marian did, right and wrong were his first thoughts,
+and his right and wrong were the same as hers. This was worth a great
+deal to her, though she was often provoked with him for want of boldness
+in condemnation. A man grown up could, she thought, do so much to set
+things to rights, if he would but speak out openly, and remonstrate,
+but Walter shrank from interfering in any way; it seemed to cost him an
+effort even to agree with Marian's censure. Yes, she thought, as she
+stood looking at the print of S. Margaret, Walter might pass by the
+dragon, nay, fight his own battle with it, but he would never tread it
+manfully under, so that it might not rise to hurt others. He might mourn
+for the sins around him, but would he ever correct them? Marian thought
+if she was a man, a man almost twenty, destined to be a clergyman, she
+had it in her soul to have done great things; then she would not be shy,
+for she should feel it her duty to speak.
+
+In the meantime, Marian had a trouble of her own, a sore place in her
+heart, and in its tenderest spot, for Gerald was the cause. The first
+holidays had been all she could desire; he was affectionate, open, full
+of talk about home and Edmund, with the best of characters; and with the
+exception of all the other boys being "fellows" and nameless, there was
+nothing like reserve about him; but the next time, he had not been three
+days in the house, before she perceived that the cloud had come down
+again, which had darkened the last few weeks before his going to school.
+He avoided being alone with her, he would not let her ask him questions,
+he talked as if he despised his governors and teachers, and regarded
+rules as things made to be eluded. His master's letter did not give a
+satisfactory account of him, and when Marian tried to fish out something
+about his goings on from Lionel, she met with impenetrable silence,
+Lionel himself seemed to be going through school pretty much in the same
+way, with fits and starts of goodness, and longer intervals of idleness,
+but he made his eyes a reason, or an excuse, for not doing more. They
+were large, bright, blue, expressive eyes, and it was hard to believe
+them in fault, but strong sunshine or much reading by candle-light
+always brought the green and purple monsters, and sometimes a degree of
+inflammation. It was said that he must be careful of them, and how much
+of his idleness was necessary, how much was shirking, was a question for
+his own conscience.
+
+Every time Gerald came home, Marian saw something more that pained her.
+There was the want of confidence that grew more evident every time,
+though it was by no means want of affection; it was vain to try to keep
+him away from the stables; he read books on Sunday which she did not
+approve, she did not think he wrote to Edmund, and what made her more
+uneasy than all was, that Elliot was becoming the great authority with
+him. Elliot had begun to take a sort of distant patronising notice of
+hint, which seemed to give him great pleasure, and which Marian who
+every year had reason to think worse of Elliot, considered very
+dangerous. She could not bear to see Gerald search through, the
+newspapers for the racing intelligence, and to see him orating
+scientifically to Lionel and Johnny about the points of the horses; she
+did not like to see him talking to the gamekeepers, and set her face,
+more than was perhaps prudent, against all the field sports which were
+likely to lead him into Elliot's society.
+
+In her zeal against this danger, she forgot how keen a sportsman
+Edmund himself was, and spoke as if she thought these amusements wrong
+altogether, and to be avoided, and this, together with the example of
+Walter, gave Gerald a very undesirable idea of the dulness of being
+steady and well conducted. That he spent more money than was good for
+him, was also an idea of hers gathered from chance observations of her
+own, and unguarded words of the other boys; but this was one of the
+points on which his reserve was the strictest, and she only could be
+anxious in ignorance. The holidays, anticipated with delight, ended in
+pain, though still she cherished a hope that what alarmed her might be
+boyish thoughtlessness of no importance in itself, and only magnified by
+her fears.
+
+She was encouraged in this by finding that Lord Marchmont, when he saw
+him once in London, thought him a very fine, promising boy, and that Mr.
+and Mrs. Lyddell did not seem to see anything seriously amiss. But then
+Lord Marchmont had not seen enough of him to be able to judge, and would
+not have told her even if he had thought there probably was anything
+wrong; and she could not trust to Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell. It was very
+painful to imagine herself unjust to her only brother, and she drove the
+fears away; but back they would always come, every time Gerald was at
+home, and every time she looked and longed in vain for a letter from
+him.
+
+Thus passed, as has already been said, three years, spent for the most
+part without event. Caroline, at eighteen, was introduced; but though
+her evenings were given to company, her mornings were still spent in the
+schoolroom, of which indeed she was the chief brightness. Marian, though
+she had the offer of coming out at the same time, was very glad to
+embrace the alternative of waiting another year. She was now a little
+past her seventeenth birthday, which emancipated her from being
+absolutely Miss Morley's pupil. She breakfasted with the rest of the
+family, dined with them when there was not a large party, learnt more
+of masters, and studied more on her own account than she had ever done
+before; and only depended on Miss Morley and Clara for companionship in
+walking and meals, when Caroline was otherwise engaged.
+
+She was more with the Marchmonts than ever during this spring. She rode
+with them, kept Selina company when her husband went out without her;
+went about with her wherever a girl of woman's height, though not yet
+come out, could be taken; and was almost always at any of her dinners or
+evening parties, where she could have the pleasure of seeing anything
+that was distinguished. It was a very pleasant life; for she was new to
+the liberty of being loosed from schoolroom restraints, and at the same
+time the restraints and duties of society had not laid hold upon her.
+Among Selina's friends she was not expected to talk, and could listen
+in peace to the conversation of the very superior men Lord Marchmont
+brought around him; or if she chanced to exchange a few words with any
+of them, she remembered it afterwards as a distinction. Selina, with all
+the homage paid to her beauty, her rank, her fascination of manner, and
+her husband's situation, was made much of by all, and was able to avoid
+being bored, without affronting any one; and a spoilt child of fashion
+herself, in her generosity and affection, she made Marian partake her
+pleasures, and avoid annoyances as far as she could, like herself. It
+was a pleasant life, and Marian thoroughly enjoyed it but was it a safe
+one?
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+  "So too may soothing Hope thy leave enjoy,
+  Sweet visions of long severed hearts to frame;
+  Though absence may impair or cares annoy,
+  Some constant mind may draw us still the same."
+
+  _Christian Year_.
+
+
+"Here are two letters for you, Marian," said Mrs. Lyddell, meeting the
+girls as they came in from a walk; "Lady Marchmont's servant left this
+note."
+
+"An invitation to dinner for this evening," said Marian opening it; "ah!
+I knew they were to have a party; 'just recollected that Lady Julia
+Faulkner used to know Fern Torr, and I must have you to meet her, if it
+is not a great bore.'"
+
+"Then, my dear, had you not better send an answer? James can take it
+directly."
+
+"No, no, thank you; the carriage will call at seven. Who can this Lady
+Julia be? But--" by this time Marian had arrived at her other letter,
+and, with a sudden start and scream of joy, she exclaimed, "They are
+coming!"
+
+"Coming? Who?" asked Caroline.
+
+"Agnes--and Mr. and Mrs. Wortley! O! All coming to stay with their
+friends in Cadogan Place. I shall see them at any time I please."
+
+"I am very glad of it," said Caroline.
+
+"Tell them that their earliest engagement must be to us," said Mrs.
+Lyddell. "When do you expect them?"
+
+"Next week, next week itself," cried Marian, "to stay a whole fortnight,
+or perhaps three weeks. Mr. Wortley has business which will occupy
+him--"
+
+Few faces ever expressed more joy than Marian's in the prospect of a
+meeting with these dearest of friends; Mrs. Lyddell and Caroline smiled
+at her joy as she flew out of the room to make Saunders a partaker in
+her pleasure.
+
+"Strange girl," said Caroline; "so cold to some, so warm to others; I
+shall be glad to see these incomparable Wortleys."
+
+"So shall I," said Mrs. Lyddell; "but I expect that Marian's opinion of
+them will soon alter, she has now become used to such different society.
+However we must be very civil to them, be they what they may."
+
+In the meantime Marian penned a letter to Agnes, in terms of delight and
+affection twenty times warmer than any which had ever passed her lips,
+and then resigned herself to Saunders' hands to be dressed, without
+much free will on her own part; too excited to read as usual during
+the operation, sometimes talking, sometimes trying to imagine Agnes in
+London, a conjunction which seemed to her almost impossible.
+
+The carriage came for her, and in due time she was entering the great
+drawing-room, where Selina, looking prettier than ever in her evening
+dress, sat reading a novel and awaiting her guests.
+
+"O Selina, only think," she began; "the Wortleys are coming!"
+
+"What say you? Why, Marian, you are in a wild state. Who are coming?"
+
+"The Wortleys, Selina, my own Agnes."
+
+"O, your old clergyman's daughter! You constant little dove, you don't
+mean that you have kept up that romantic friendship all these years?"
+
+"Why, Selina!"
+
+"Yes, yes, I remember all about them now: the daughter was your great
+friend."
+
+"She was more yours," said Marian, "when you were at Fern Torr, because
+you were more nearly the same age. Don't you remember how you used to
+whisper under the sycamore tree, and send me out of the way?"
+
+"Poor little Marian! Well, those were merry times, and I rather think
+your Agnes promised to be very pretty."
+
+"And shall not you be glad to see her?"
+
+"When do they come?"
+
+"Next Monday, to--Cadogan Place."
+
+"Close to you. Well, that is lucky; but now, my dear, if you can come
+down from the clouds for a moment, I want to tell you about Lady Julia."
+
+"Who is she?" said Marian, bringing back her attention with an effort.
+
+"A tiresome woman," whispered Selina, with a sort of affectation of
+confidence; "but the fact is, Lord Marchmont used to know her husband,
+or his father, or his great grandfather, sometime in the dark ages, and
+so be wants me to make much of her. She is one of the people that it is
+real toil to make talk for; but by good fortune I remembered that I had
+heard some legend about her once knowing my uncles, and so I thought
+that a cross-examination of you about Gerald and Fern Torr would be a
+famous way of filling up the evening."
+
+"O!" said Marian in a not very satisfied tone, "so she has a husband,
+has she? I fancied from your note that she only consisted of herself,"
+
+"She consists of a son and daughters," said Selina.
+
+"Her husband is dead, but the rest of the house you will presently see."
+
+"Eh?" said Lord Marchmont, coming out of the other room where he had
+been writing, and greeting Marian.
+
+"You don't mean that you have invited that young Faulkner?"
+
+"You would, not have me leave out the only agreeable one of the
+party--something to sweeten the infliction."
+
+Lord Marchmont smiled at the arch, bold, playful manner with which she
+looked up in his face, as if to defy him to be displeased; but still he
+was evidently vexed, and said, "It is hard upon Marian only to take her
+from Elliot Lyddell's society to bring her into Mr. Faulkner's."
+
+"Indeed! but that is hard on Mr. Faulkner," said his wife. "As to worth,
+I suppose he and Marian's cousin are pretty much on a par, but it is but
+justice to say that he has considerably the advantage in externals."
+
+"It cannot be helped now," said Lord Marchmont; "but I wish I had told
+you before, Selina. The esteem I had for that young man's father would
+make me still more reluctant to cultivate him, considering his present
+way of going on."
+
+"Well, one invitation to dinner is not such a very agricultural
+proceeding, that you need waste such a quantity of virtuous
+indignation," said Selina; "I daresay he will not grow _very_ much the
+faster for it."
+
+The arrival of some of the party put a stop to the conversation, and
+presently Lady Julia Faulkner, Mr. and Miss Faulkner, were announced.
+The first was a fair, smooth, handsome matron, who looked as if she had
+never been preyed upon by either thought or care; her daughter was a
+well-dressed, fashionable young lady; and her son, so gentlemanlike
+and sensible looking, as to justify Lady Marchmont in saying that in
+externals he had the advantage of Elliot Lyddell. Marian sat next him at
+dinner, and though she meant to dislike him, she could not succeed in
+doing so; he talked with so much spirit and cleverness of the various
+exhibitions and other things, which are chiefly useful as food for
+conversation. Something too might be ascribed to the store of happiness
+within her, which would not let her be ungracious or unwilling to let
+herself be entertained, for on the whole, she had never been so well
+amused at a dinner party.
+
+In the drawing-room the examination took place with which she had been
+threatened, but she had grown hardened to such things with time, and
+could endure them much better than she used to do. It was always the
+custom for her to outstay the guests, so as to talk them over with her
+cousins; and, on this occasion the first exclamation was, how very
+agreeable and clever Mr. Faulkner was.
+
+"So much the worse," said Lord Marchmont gravely; "I think worse of him
+than I did before, for I find he has taken up Germanism."
+
+Marian had some notion that Germanism meant that the foundations of his
+faith were unsettled, and she looked extremely horrified, but she had
+not time to dwell on the subject, for the carriage came to the door,
+and she was glad to be alone to hug herself with delight. The gas lamps
+looked as bright to her eyes as if there were an illumination specially
+got up in honour of her happiness, and the drive to Mr. Lyddell's was
+far too short to settle a quarter of what Agnes was to see and do.
+
+It was almost four years since she had parted with her, but the
+correspondence had scarcely slackened, nor the earnestness of her
+affection and confidence diminished. There was no one, excepting Edmund,
+to whom she could look for counsel in the same manner, and the hope of
+long conversations with Mrs. Wortley was almost as delightful as the
+thought of seeing Agnes once more.
+
+She had begged them to call the first thing, and accordingly soon after
+breakfast one fine Tuesday morning, a loud double-knock caused her heart
+to leap into her mouth, or rather her throat, and almost choke her. Mrs.
+Lyddell, Elliot, and Caroline were all present, and she wished them
+forty miles off, when the announcement was the very thing she wished to
+hear!
+
+There they were, Mrs. Wortley giving that fond, motherly kiss, Agnes
+catching both hands, and kissing both cheeks, Mr. Wortley giving one
+hearty squeeze to her hand! There they really were, she was by Mrs.
+Wortley's side, their own familiar tones were in her ears! She hardly
+dared to look up, for fear Agnes should be altered, but no, she could
+not call her altered, though she was more formed, the features were less
+childish, and there was more thought, though not less life and light
+than of old, in the blue eyes. Indeed it came upon Marian by surprise,
+that she had not known before that Agnes was uncommonly pretty as well
+as loveable. She was surprised not to see her friend more shy, but able
+to answer Elliot's civilities with readiness and ease; whereas she who
+still felt stiff and awkward with a stranger, had supposed that such
+must be doubly the case with one who had lived so much less in the
+world.
+
+That day was to be devoted by the Wortleys to visits and business, but
+they reckoned on having Marian to themselves all the next, and were to
+call for her early on their way to some of the sights of London. Mrs.
+Lyddell made them fix an early day for coming to dinner, and they took
+their leave, Marian feeling as if the visit had not been everything that
+she expected, and yet as if it was happiness even to know that the same
+city contained herself and them.
+
+No sooner were they gone than the Lyddells began with one voice to
+admire Agnes, even Elliot was very much struck with her, and positively
+gained himself some degree of credit with Marian, by confirming her
+opinion of her friend's beauty. It was delightful indeed that Agnes
+should be something to be proud of; Marian would not have loved her one
+whit the less if she had been a plain, awkward country girl, but it was
+something to have her affection justified in their eyes, and to have no
+fear of Agnes being celebrated only for her cricket.
+
+They called for Marian early the next morning, and now she received the
+real greeting, corresponding to her parting, as Mrs. Wortley's second
+daughter. Then began the inquiries for everything at Fern Torr, animate
+or inanimate, broken into by Agnes's exclamations of surprise at
+everything new and wonderful in the streets, a happy, but a most
+desultory conversation.
+
+At last they got into a quiet street where Mr. and Mrs. Wortley went to
+choose a carpet, and the two girls were left to sit in the carriage.
+
+"O Marian!" began Agnes, "so you have not quite lost your old self! I
+am glad to see how it all is at least, for I have something tangible to
+pity you for."
+
+"I wonder what it is," said Marian, too happy for pity at that moment.
+
+"O, my dear! that Mr. Elliot Lyddell!"
+
+"He is hardly ever in my way," said Marian.
+
+"And his sister! Her dress! What study it must have taken! In the
+extreme of fashion."
+
+"Caroline's dress is not exactly what she would choose herself," said
+Marian.
+
+"That must be only an excuse, Marian; for though you have a
+well-turned-out look, it is not as if you were in a book of fashions."
+
+"I am not Mrs. Lyddell's daughter, and though I do expect a battle or
+two when I come out, it will not be a matter of obedience with me, as it
+is with Caroline."
+
+"Is it very painful obedience?" said Agnes laughingly; "well, you do
+deserve credit for not being spoilt among such people."
+
+"In the first place, how do you know they are 'such people?' and next,
+how do you know I am not spoilt?"
+
+"You must be the greatest hypocrite in the world, if you are spoilt, to
+write me such letters, and sit so boldly looking me in the face. And as
+to their being 'such people,' have not I seen them, have not I
+heard them, and, above all, has not Mr. Arundel given me their full
+description?"
+
+"But that was three years and a half ago," said Marian.
+
+"And have they changed since then?" asked Agnes.
+
+"I don't know."
+
+"O how glad I am to hear that!" cried Agnes. "Never mind them; but to
+hear you say 'I don't know' in that old considering tone is proof enough
+to me that you are my own old Marian, which is all I care for."
+
+"I don't--" began Marian; then stopping short and laughing, she added,
+"I mean I was thinking whether it is really so. Can any person live four
+years without changing? Especially at our age. What a little girl I was
+then!"
+
+"Yes, to be sure, you have grown into a tall--yes, quite a tall woman,
+and you have got your black hair into a very pretty broad braid, and you
+wear a bracelet and carry a parasol, and don't let your veil stream down
+your back; I don't see much more alteration. Your eyes are as black and
+your face as white, and altogether you are quite as provoking as ever in
+never telling one anything that one wishes to know."
+
+Marian gave a stiff smile, one which she had learnt in company, and
+grew frightened at herself to find that she was treating Agnes, as she
+treated the outer world. She did not know what to say; her love was
+deep, strong and warm within, but it was too soon to "rend the silken
+veil;" and this awkwardness, this consciousness of coldness was positive
+suffering. She was relieved that the return of Mr. and Mrs. Wortley put
+an end to the _tete-a-tete_, then shocked that it should be a relief;
+for, poor girl, her extreme embarrassment overpowering the happiness
+in her friend's presence, made her doubt whether it could be that her
+affection was really departing, a thought too dreadful to be dwelt upon.
+
+Who would have told her that she should endure so much pain in her first
+drive with the Wortleys?
+
+They went to call on Lady Marchmont that day, and, as Marian expected,
+did not find her at home. Agnes renewed the old lamentation that Marian
+could not live with her and thus avoid Mrs. Lyddell's finery and
+fashion. "Now why do you laugh, Marian? you don't mean that Selina
+Grenville can have turned into a fashionable lady? she was the simplest
+creature in the world."
+
+"She is what she was then," said Marian; "but as to being fashionable--.
+My dear Agnes, you don't understand."
+
+"We have not to reproach Marian for want of knowledge of the world now,
+Agnes," said Mr. Wortley, smiling at his daughter's bewildered look.
+
+"Ah!" cried Marian, and there stopped, thinking how grievously she must
+be altered, since this was the reproach that the Lyddells used so often
+to make her. Some wonderful sight here engaged Agnes, and Marian's
+exclamation fell unheeded.
+
+She spent a good many hours with the Wortleys while they were in London,
+but usually in the midst of confusion and bustle: Mr. and Mrs. Wortley
+were busy, and Agnes almost wild with the novelties around. Marian's
+heart ached as she recollected a saying which she had read, that a
+thread once broken can never be united again. Her greatest comfort was
+in the prospect of a visit to Fern Torr; for Mrs. Lyddell willingly
+consented to her accepting Mrs. Wortley's invitation to return with
+them, and to stay even to the end of her brother's holidays, which he
+was also to spend at _home_. She should know better there whether she
+was really changed; she could take it all up again there, and now she
+could afford to wait, and not feel the necessity of saying everything
+that would not be said in so short a time.
+
+One thing was certain, she did not like to hear Agnes talk against the
+Lyddells. She could have done it herself; nay, she did so sometimes when
+with Lady Marchmont, but then that was only about "nonsense." She had
+lived with them too long, had shared in too many of their conversations
+and employments, was, in fact, too much one of the family, to like to
+hear them condemned. She thought it very strange, and she could not tell
+whether it was from having grown like them, or from a genuine dislike to
+injustice; at any rate it was this which convinced her that she had come
+to regard them in some degree as friends.
+
+She wished them to appear to as much advantage as possible, but this
+they really seemed resolved not to do, at least not what was in her eyes
+and those of the Wortleys, to advantage. Mrs. Lyddell _would_ have
+a grand dinner party to do honour to her friends, and the choice of
+company was not what she would have made. To make it worse, Elliot
+sat next Agnes, Walter was not at home, and the conversation was upon
+religious subjects, which had better not have been discussed at all in
+such a party, and which were viewed by most present, in the wrong way.
+All this, however, Marian could have endured, for she did not care
+to defend Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell or Elliot, individually, only when
+considered as forming part of "the Lyddells," but she really wished
+Agnes to like Caroline and Clara.
+
+She did not know whether Agnes was not perverse about Caroline, whom she
+continued to call a mere fashionable young lady, not being able to find
+any other reproach than this vague one; but as to Clara, Marian herself
+could have found it in her heart to beat her when she made sillier
+speeches than usual in Agnes' hearing, and, above all, for having at
+this time a violent fit of her affection for Marian herself, whom she
+perseveringly called a dear girl, and followed about so closely as to be
+always in the way.
+
+Marian would have been still more provoked with Clara, had Agnes not had
+forbearance enough to abstain from telling her all that Clara had said,
+when once, by some chance, left alone with her for ten minutes. After a
+great deal about her extreme friendship for "dearest Marian," she said,
+"Some people think her pretty,--do you, Miss Wortley?"
+
+"Not exactly pretty," said Agnes, "but hers is a fine face."
+
+"Ah! she has not colour enough to be pretty. She is much too pale, poor
+dear, but some people say that is aristocratic. And she is like her
+cousin, Lady Marchmont, the beauty. Do you know Lady Marchmont?"
+
+"I used to know her as a girl."
+
+"Ah! she is very handsome, and so much the fashion. It is such an
+advantage for Marian to be there, and I hope she will slyly bring us
+acquainted some of these days. But then all the Arundels are proud;
+Marian has a good deal of pride in her own way, though she is a dear
+girl!"
+
+"Marian!" exclaimed Agnes.
+
+"O yes! She is a dear girl, but every one in Wiltshire speaks of her
+pride; all our friends do, I assure you. I always defend her, of course,
+but every one remarks it."
+
+Agnes was wondering whether simply to disbelieve anything so
+preposterous as that all Wiltshire should be remarking on poor Marian's
+pride, or whether to explain it by her well-known shyness, when Clara
+made another sudden transition. "Do you know Mr. Arundel?"
+
+"O yes."
+
+"Is not he a fine, distinguished looking man? We did admire him so when
+he was here. I assure you we are all quite jealous of Marian. Miss
+Morley says there can be but one _denouement_."
+
+Here Marian came into the room, and Agnes proceeded to question within
+herself which was most wonderful,--the extreme folly of Clara, or of the
+governess.
+
+Another vexation to Marian was the behaviour of Lady Marchmont. She
+herself was invited as often as usual to come to her cousin, but she
+could not spare a minute from her dear friends, and only was surprised
+and vexed that they were not included, and that Selina had not yet
+called upon them. She knew that one of her parties consisted of persons
+whom Mr. Wortley would have been particularly glad to meet, and she
+watched most anxiously for a card for him; she even went so far, as in
+her own note of refusal to give a very far distant hint, thinking that
+Selina only required to be put in mind of his being in London.
+
+At last, only two days before they left town, Lady Marchmont left her
+card for Mrs. Wortley, but without asking if she was at home; and
+Marian, who was in the house at the time, felt the neglect most acutely.
+Mrs. Wortley saw the bright glow of red spread all over the pale check,
+and was heartily sorry on her account. Agnes broke out into exclamations
+that there must be a mistake,--the servants must have misunderstood,
+and she would have asked questions; but Marian said, in a voice of deep
+feeling, "No, Agnes, it is no mistake. You understand me now when I say
+Selina Marchmont is more of a fine lady than Mrs. Lyddell. But O, I
+never thought she would have neglected you!"
+
+"Say no more, my dear," said Mrs. Wortley; "Lady Marchmont must have too
+many engagements to attend to us dull country folks. Indeed, it gives me
+no pain, my dear, except to see it grieve you. You know she has done her
+duty by us."
+
+"Her duty by herself, she may think," said Marian, "in not doing what
+would be called rude, but not her duty by you; you, to whom all who
+ever--who ever loved _them_, owe so much."
+
+The tears glittered in Marian's eyes, and her cheek was flushed.
+
+"Marian, my dear, cool down a little," said Mrs. Wortley; "think how
+long it is since Lady Marchmont knew us, and recollect that the--the
+causes, which you think you have for caring for us, may not appear the
+same to her. She only thinks of us as dimly remembered neighbours of
+her cousin's, coming to London for a little while; she is full of
+engagements, and has no time for us, and just follows the fashions of
+other people."
+
+"That is it," said Marian. "How shall I ever wish her good-bye in
+charity?"
+
+They were interrupted; and it was not till Marian was gone that Agnes
+had the satisfaction of a full outbreak of indignation at all fine
+ladies, and of triumph in the impossibility of their ever spoiling her
+own dear Marian.
+
+Marian had to spend the evening with the Marchmonts, and she was more
+constrained with them at first than she had ever been before. Yet it
+was not easy to continue constrained with Selina, who was perfectly
+unconscious that she had given any offence; and the feeling was quite
+removed by half an hour's play with little Willy, who was now promoted
+to be a drawing-room child for various short intervals of the day. He
+was under a nursery governess, who let his mamma have a little more
+property in him.
+
+Selina asked about the intended journey, and thus renewed Marian's
+feeling of the wrongs of the Wortleys; but when Selina scolded her for
+not coming oftener, supposed she had been very happy, and envied her for
+going to dear old Fern Torr, Marian began to forgive, and did so quite
+when she wished she could have seen them, and lamented that she had been
+so much engaged. Three times she had gone out, fully meaning to call on
+them, and have a good long chat, but each time something delayed her;
+and the last, and fourth, she really was obliged to be at home early,
+and could not possibly make a call.
+
+The charm of manner made all this appease Marian; but when the immediate
+spell of Selina's grace and caressing ways was removed, she valued it
+rightly, and thought, though with pain, of the expressive epithet,
+"fudge!" Could not Selina have gone to her aunt's old friends if she
+would? Had not Marian known her to take five times the trouble for her
+own gratification? Marian gained a first glimpse of the selfishness of
+refined exclusiveness, and doubted whether it had not been getting a
+hold of herself, when she had learnt of Selina to despise and neglect
+all that was unpleasing.
+
+O the joy of knowing that she should turn her back on the great wicked
+world again, and measure herself by the old standard of home! And yet
+she trembled, lest she should find that the world had touched her more
+than she had thought.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+  "Yes, friends may be kind, and vales may be green,
+  And brooks, may sparkle along between;
+  But it is not friendship's kindest look,
+  Nor loveliest vale, nor clearest brook,
+  That can tell the tale which is written for me
+  On each old face and well known tree."
+
+  R. H. FROUDE.
+
+
+It was a happy day for both Agnes Wortley and Marian Arundel when they
+again entered Devonshire. Agnes seemed to feel her four weeks as serious
+an absence as Marian did her four years, and was even more rapturous in
+her exclamations at each object that showed her she was near home.
+
+They walked up the last and steepest hill, or rather bounded along the
+well known side path, catching at the long trailing wreaths of the
+dogrose, peeping over the gates which broke the high hedge, where
+Marian, as she saw the moors, could only relieve her heart by
+pronouncing to herself those words of Manzoni's Lucia, "_Vedo i miei
+monti._" ("I see my own mountains.") She beheld the woods and the
+chimneys of the Manor House, but she shrank from looking at it, and
+gazed, as if she feared it was but a moment's vision, at the rough
+cottages, the smoke curling among the trees, the red limestone quarry,
+and the hills far away in the summer garb of golden furze. It was home,
+her heart was full, and Agnes respected her silence.
+
+Down the hill, along the well-known paling, past the cottages, the dear
+old faces smiling welcome; the Church, always the same, the green rail
+of the Vicarage garden, the paint was the only thing new; the porch,
+with roses hanging thicker over it than ever; Ranger, David Chapple,
+Jane, the housemaid, all in ecstasy in their different ways.
+
+That first evening was spent in visiting every nook of the garden with
+Agnes, and hearing the history of each little innovation; then, after a
+slight interval of sleepiness, came those fond, cordial "good nights,"
+which dwell no where but at home.
+
+She woke to the reality of a Fern Torr Sunday, not to shake off with
+disappointment and wearinesss, the dream of such a day. There was the
+pinkthorne, dressed in all its garlands, before her window, the dew
+lying heavy and silvery on the grass; the cart-horses enjoying their
+holiday in the meadow, the mass of blossom in the orchard, the sky
+above, all blueness, the air full of a delicious quietness, as if the
+sunshine itself was repose, Marian leant out at her window, and wondered
+if it was possible she should have been so long away, so familiar, so
+natural did it all seem.
+
+The hurried breakfast, the walk to school, the school itself, how well
+she knew it all, and within the school how old a world it was, and yet
+how new! The benches, the books, the smiles, the curtsies, the very
+nosegays, redolent of southernwood, were unchanged, but all the great
+good girls of her day, the prime first class, where was it? Here was the
+first class still, Agnes' pride; but, behold, these are the little ones
+of her day, and the babies for whom she had made pink frocks and frilled
+caps, now stared up in her face responsible beings, who could say more
+than half the Catechism. Her own little pets of school-days were grown
+out of knowledge into the uninteresting time of life, the "old age
+of childhood," and looked as if they found it equally difficult to
+recognize "little Miss" in a lady taller than Miss Wortley. Next
+followed the walk to Church, full of meetings and greetings, admiration
+of her growth, and inquiries after Sir Gerald.
+
+Yes, Marian did feel like the old self: her four years' absence was like
+a dream that had passed away, and was nothing to her; she could think
+only of home, home thoughts and home interests; the cares and the
+teasings, the amusements and the turmoils of Oakworthy and London, were
+as things far distant, which had never really concerned her, or
+belonged to some different state of existence. She was at home, as she
+continually said to herself; she felt as if she was in some way more in
+the presence of her parents, as if their influence was sheltering her,
+and shielding her from all external ill, as in the days of yore. Happy
+they who can return after four years' trial as Marian did.
+
+She was preparing for Confirmation; for, to her great joy, she was in
+time to form one of Mr. Wortley's own flock, He gave her half an hour
+every other morning; and now it was that all the difficulties raised
+in her mind in arguments with Caroline, doubts with right or wrong, or
+questions why and wherefore, were either solved or smoothed down. Her
+principles were strengthened, her views were cleared up; she learnt the
+reasons of rules she had obeyed in ignorance, and perceived her own
+failures and their causes.
+
+These were her graver hours. At other times she read, drew, and studied
+German with Agnes, who gladly availed herself of the aid of one well
+crammed by London masters, and who could not but allow, even to the
+credit of her enemies, that they had made Marian very accomplished.
+
+There were long walks to every well-remembered hill and dell, with
+further expeditions planned against the return of the boys, and numerous
+visits to old friends at the cottages to present Marian's gifts, which
+had fairly overpowered Saunders' powers of packing. Delightful walks,
+how different from the parade on the chalk roads, over high hedges,
+through gaps doubly fenced with thorns, scrambling, at the risk of
+neck us well as of dress, over piles of fern and ivy-covered rocks, or
+hopping across brooks on extemporised stepping-stones, usually in the
+very thick of some _mauvais pas_, discussing some tremendous point of
+metaphysics or languages and breaking off in it to scream at the beauty
+of the view, or to pity a rent muslin.
+
+Marian and Agnes talked considerably now, and, allowing for the
+difference in age, just as they used to do. Marian's fears of her own
+coldness and doubts of her confidence in Agnes had all melted in her
+native atmosphere, and were quite forgotten. She could speak of the
+Lyddells now, though still she did not find fault with them, nor make
+complaints; indeed, it was Agnes' abuse of them that made her first
+discover that she had a regard for them.
+
+This prejudice, as she began to call it, seemed to her unaccountable,
+since she had never written complainingly, until she found at last,
+(which made her inclined to treat it with more respect,) that it
+was founded on what Edmund had reported. He had come to Fern Torr
+immediately after his visit to Oakworthy, very much out of spirits, and
+had poured out his anxieties to his friends, talking of Mr. and Mrs.
+Lyddell with less caution than he had used with Marian, and lamenting
+over the fate of his poor little cousins like something hopeless. Marian
+thought of Gerald, and her heart failed her, then she hoped again, for
+Gerald was coming home, and then she understood what Edmund had thought
+of it all, and knew that it was perfectly consistent with his last
+conversation with her. So she said that was four years ago, and that
+Edmund was very kind.
+
+
+The time of Gerald's arrival came. Charles and James Wortley preceded
+him by about a fortnight, and all that Marian saw of them made her
+rejoice in such companionship for him. Mr. Wortley drove her to meet him
+at Exeter, and never was greeting more joyful. Lionel had sent her a
+message that Oakworthy would be as dull as ditch water without her,
+and if she did not come back before the end of the holidays, he should
+certainly be obliged to go back to Eton again to find something to do.
+Having delivered this message, Gerald made both his companions laugh by
+gazing about as if surprised to find Exeter still in the same place, and
+wondering at reading all the old names over the shops.
+
+Marian was delighted that he recognised all the torrs on the drive home,
+and very proud of his height, his beauty, and his cordial, well-bred
+gentlemanlike manners, which gave the Wortleys general satisfaction.
+
+The first thing he did was to go out and visit his old pony in the
+paddock, patting it very affectionately, though he seemed much surprised
+that it was so small.
+
+In the evening they went to the Manor House. Marian had spent many hours
+there, sat in the empty rooms, wandered in the garden, and mused on past
+days, or dwelt on them with Agnes, and she had looked forward with great
+pleasure to having her brother there.
+
+She wished to have had him alone, but he asked Agnes and the boys to
+come, and they all set out together up the rocky steps, Gerald far
+before the rest, and when Marian came up to him he was standing on the
+lawn, at the top of the steps, looking at the house.
+
+"I thought it was larger," exclaimed he.
+
+"But, Gerald, see how high the magnolia has grown, and how nice and
+smooth old Lapthorn keeps the lawn. Does it not look as if we had gone
+away only yesterday?"
+
+"Yes, and there is the little larburnum that we planted. How it is
+grown! But how very small the house is."
+
+By this time the door had been opened by the old housekeeper, and
+Marian, running up to her, exclaimed, "Here he is, Mrs. White! Come,
+come, Gerald, come and speak to Mrs. White!"
+
+Gerald came, but with no readiness of manner. His "how d'ye do?" was
+shy and cold, and not at all answerable to her eager, almost tearful,
+"Pretty well, thank you, Sir. It is something to see you at home again,
+Sir Gerald; so tall, and looking so well. 'Tis almost old times again,
+to see you and Miss Marian."
+
+He stood silent, and Agnes spoke, "Yes, Mrs. White, is not he grown? It
+does not seem to be so very long before we shall really have them here
+for good."
+
+"Ah! Miss Wortley, that is what I have always wished to live for; I have
+always said, let me only live to see Sir Gerald come back, and find
+things in order as he left them, and then I would die contented."
+
+"No, no, live to keep his house many more years," said Marian. "It is
+four years less now you know, Mrs. White; only eight more before we
+shall be able to live here. For, I suppose you would like to have me
+back too."
+
+"I don't know Miss Marian; you will he married long before that, such a
+fine young lady as you are grown to be."
+
+Marian laughed and passed on into the house, sorry that Gerald had taken
+no part in the conversation. They went into the drawing-room, that room
+where he had wept so bitterly the day before his departure. Again his
+observation was, "I thought this room was twice the size. And so low!"
+
+"You have been looking in at the large end of a telescope lately,
+Gerald," said his sister with some sorrow in her tone, as she sat down
+on one of the brown holland muffled sofas, and looked up at her father's
+portrait, trying to find a likeness there to the face before her. There
+was the same high brow, the same dark eyes, the same straight features,
+the same bright open smile. Gerald was more like it, in some respects,
+than he had been, but there was a haughty, impetuous expression now
+and then on eye, brow, and lip, that found no parallel in the gentle
+countenance which, to Marian's present feelings, seemed to be turned
+towards him with an air of almost reproachful anxiety.
+
+Perhaps he saw some of the sadness of her expression, and; always
+affectionate, wished to please her by manifesting a little more of the
+feelings which really still existed. He came and stood by her, and
+whispered a few caressing words, which almost compensated for the
+vexation his carelessness had occasioned. He looked earnestly at the
+picture for a few moments, then, turning away, suddenly exclaimed, "I
+should like to see the old dressing-room."
+
+This was Lady Arundel's morning room, where many a lesson had been
+repeated, many a game played, and where, perhaps, more childish
+recollections centered than in any other part of the house. The brother
+and sister went thither alone, and much enjoyed looking into every
+well-known corner, and talking of the little events which had there
+taken place. This lasted for nearly a quarter of an hour, when they
+rejoined their companions to make the tour of the garden, &c. All was
+pleasant here, Gerald recollected every nook, and was delighted to find
+so much unchanged.
+
+"Let us just look into the stable yard," said he, as they were coming
+away. It was locked, but a message to Mrs. White procured the key, and
+they entered the neat deserted court, without one straw to make it look
+inhabited, though the hutch where the rabbits had lived was still in its
+place; and even in one corner the reversed flower-pot, which Gerald
+well remembered to have brought there to mount upon, in order to make
+investigations into a blackbird's nest, in the ivy on the wall.
+
+He now used the same flower-pot to enable him to peep in at the hazy
+window of the stable, and still more lamentable was his exclamation,
+"Can this be all! How very small!"
+
+"Nothing but low and little, you discontented boy," said Agnes.
+
+"Why, really, I could not believe it was on such a small scale," said
+Gerald. "Marian, now is it possible there can be only six stalls here?"
+
+"Why, what would have been the use of more?" said Marian.
+
+"Ah! why to be sure, there was no one to ride much," said Gerald. "But
+yet I can hardly imagine it! What could my father have done in his
+younger days? Only six stalls! And no loose box. Well, people had
+contracted notions in those days! And the yard so small! Why, the one at
+Oakworthy would make four of it."
+
+"And you had really managed to persuade yourself that this was a grander
+place than Oakworthy?" said Marian.
+
+Gerald made no answer; but after walking backwards till he had a
+full view of the stable and surrounding regions, broke out into the
+exclamation, "I see what is to be done! Take down that wall--let in
+a piece of the kitchen garden--get it levelled--and then extend it a
+little on the right side too. Yes, I see."
+
+"You are not talking of spoiling this place!" cried Agnes, in dismay.
+
+"Spoiling! only making it habitable," said Gerald. "How can a man live
+here with a stable with six stalls, and nothing like a kennel?"
+
+The utter impossibility of such an existence was so strongly impressed
+on the mind of the young baronet, that as soon as tea was over he
+commenced a sketch of his future stables, adding various explanations
+for the benefit of Charles and James. There was almost a daily quarrel
+on the subject with Agnes, and much laughing on each side; but Marian,
+afraid of making him more determined, took no part in it.
+
+Much might happen in eight years to make him change his mind, and this
+stable in the clouds might be endured, if everything else had been fully
+satisfactory.
+
+Very happy were the boys next morning, setting off to the woods to study
+the localities of the game; very happy were they fishing and rabbit
+shooting; very happy, galloping over the country by turns on the two
+ponies; very happy were the whole party in pic-nic expeditions, and in
+merry evening sports; but these could not take up every hour and every
+minute; and Marian could not help observing, that while Charles and
+James could always find some work on which to be employed in the
+intervals, Gerald was idle and listless. There were hours in the morning
+when they had their Latin and Greek to study, while Gerald was usually
+loitering in the drawing-room. That he should voluntarily touch Latin
+or Greek in the holidays was perhaps more than mortal could expect;
+but that he should not read anything was disappointing. The vicarage
+afforded no periodical novels, no slang tales of low life, no manuals
+of sporting. The Waverley novels he had read long ago, and nothing of
+a more solid description would he touch; so his mornings were chiefly
+spent in drawing caricatures, and chattering to his sister and Agnes. He
+was indeed very amusing, but this was not all that could be desired. Now
+and then there were stories of feats which did not seem likely to be
+those of the best and wisest set of boys; and his idea of the life of
+a boy, if not of man, was plainly that it was to be spent in taking
+pleasure and shirking work. Then he took in a sporting paper, and used
+to entertain them with comments on the particulars of the races, and of
+bets, which no one in the house understood but himself; but these were
+never in the presence of either Mr. or Mrs. Wortley, where he was on his
+guard.
+
+In these intervals of idleness, Marian tried to persuade him several
+times to write to Edmund, who would be glad to have a report fresh from
+home. He always said he would soon set about a letter, but the time
+never came, though she more than once arranged pen, paper, and ink in
+readiness for him. He had recently received a letter from his cousin,
+but he had torn it up, and could not remember anything about the
+contents.
+
+Something between bashfulness and pride produced conduct which could
+not but appear like arrant haughtiness to the villagers, who had looked
+forward eagerly to seeing their young landlord. If Marian tried to
+bring him to speak to some poor old man, his answer was, "Give him this
+half-crown, then, that will do just as well!" and he walked off out
+of reach, while she remained to present the gift, and hear in answer,
+"Thank you kindly, Miss; I should like to see the young gentleman
+himself, but I daresay he does not like poor people."
+
+If this was the feeling where there was half-a-crown to sweeten the
+neglect, what was it where such a propitiatory offering was out of the
+question, and where the original connection had been closer, among the
+old servants, the dependants and tenants? His lofty acknowledgment
+of their bows,--his short, reluctant "Good morning," when forced to
+speak,--and his willingness to escape from their presence, contrasted
+ill with the cordial greetings with which his cousin Edmund had always
+hailed each Fern Torr person as a friend. Indeed, "that nice young
+gentleman, Master Edmund," began to be recollected with regrets, which,
+had the Manor been a kingdom, might have amounted to treason towards the
+young heir.
+
+Marian grieved at this behaviour, and would have attempted to argue
+him out of it, but he gave her scarcely any opportunity of a serious
+conversation; and Mr. Wortley gave him more than one hint, which, though
+be took it with perfect courtesy, never mended matters. Yet with all
+this, he was so agreeable, so good-natured and gentlemanlike, so
+pleasant a guest, and so affectionate a brother, that Mr. and Mrs.
+Wortley could not help liking him very much; and if they saw anything
+amiss, they did not pain his sister by speaking of it. Her misgivings
+were too vague and undetermined for her to be willing to consult
+Mr. Wortley; if she thought at one time that she would, she grew so
+frightened and reluctant whenever an occasion came, that she let it pass
+by; and she was divided between blame to herself for doing nothing, when
+a few words might be the rescue of her brother, and self-reproach for
+doing him cruel injustice.
+
+Nay, she even defended him more than once, when Agnes was shocked. She
+protected a shirt, illustrated by his own hand, in marking-ink, with
+cricketers, which caused infinite scandal to the washerwomen of Fern
+Torr. She defended slang words, which Agnes, from not understanding
+them, fancied worse than they really were; and she never failed to say
+he did not mean to be unkind, whenever he was neglectful of the poor
+people. She was displeased with herself afterwards for speaking in
+favour of these things, for she well knew them to be only parts of the
+whole system which grieved her; but still she could not help it.
+
+These thoughts were suspended by the solemn time approaching. Her
+confirmation-day came, and she stood among the maidens of her own home
+and village, who had been baptized in the same font, and shared with her
+the same instructions. Simultaneously with them she pronounced her vow;
+and perhaps it was a repining thought which crossed her mind,--"Why am
+I not like these, to remain in this peaceful nest, not sent forth to
+be wearied and tried by that glittering world of unrest, which I thus
+renounce?"
+
+She knelt to receive the blessing, which brought with it the trust that
+the peace of that moment might dwell with her, refresh her, and shield
+her "as oft as sin and sorrow tire." And when her eye fell on her
+brother, it was with more hope, for now she could better pray for him.
+Whatever might happen, it could never hurt the memory of that awful
+yet soothing hour, nor of that first Communion when she knelt near her
+parents' graves between Mrs. Wortley and Agnes; the whole air filled
+with the prayers of those on earth and in heaven who loved her best; nor
+of her walk in the garden afterwards with Mr. Wortley, when he plainly
+spoke to her of her life as one of peculiar trial and temptation, and
+warned her how to be in the world, and yet not of the world.
+
+The nest event of the visit to Fern Torr was Saunders' wedding. Saunders
+did not love Oakworthy, still less Mrs. Lyddell, and least of all Mrs.
+Price, the ladies' maid; and when she found herself at Fern Torr again,
+and heard Mr. David Chapple renew his tender speeches, the return
+thither became more and more difficult; and one day, while plaiting her
+young lady's hair, she communicated to her with a great gush of tears,
+that, though she could not bear to think of leaving her, and would not
+on any account cause her any inconvenience, she began to think it was
+time to think about her marriage.
+
+It was a stroke to Marian to hear of losing any old familiar face, and
+her look of dismay was a great satisfaction to Saunders; but she could
+bear it better than she could once have done, and there were reasons
+which made a change not so very much to be regretted even by her.
+The quarrels between Saunders and the rest of the household were not
+agreeable, and what she now felt to be a serious evil, was that habit of
+complaining to her, and telling her stories against the family, of which
+Edmund had warned her long ago. She had tried to discourage it, but,
+once begun, it had never been entirely discontinued; and Marian felt it
+to be wrong in every way.
+
+She made up her mind, therefore, with greater philosophy than could have
+been expected, to the loss of Saunders; and was further consoled by
+finding it gave hey an opportunity of promoting a nice young Fern Torr
+damsel, too delicate for hard work, who had been taught dressmaking, and
+whom Saunders undertook to instruct in the mysteries of the hair, quite
+sufficiently to carry her on till they went to London, and she could
+take lessons from some grand frizeur.
+
+Mrs. Lyndell was written to, and gave her consent to the hiring of
+Fanny, and Marian and Agnes were so delighted at the opening thus made
+for her, that Saunders would have been jealous if she had not been too
+happily engaged in her own preparations.
+
+As to Gerald he made a dreadful face when he first heard of Saunders'
+intentions; but as her going made no difference to his comfort, he soon
+became resigned. David was an old acquaintance, whom he liked because
+he belonged to the genus groom; so he made no objection to his sister's
+attending the wedding. He presented the bride with a tea-set, splendid
+with gilding, and surprised every one by walking into Mr. Wortley's
+kitchen in the midst of the bridal entertainment, and proposing the
+health of the happy pair.
+
+Marian was to return under Gerald's escort, at the end of the holidays.
+He was to go on to Eton, leaving her at the railway station, where she
+was to be met by the Lyddells' carriage. The last letter arrived,
+in which arrangements respecting time and train were to be finally
+confirmed. It was, as usual, from Caroline; and as she opened it, Marian
+gave a sudden start.
+
+"Eh?" said Gerald, "whose mare's dead? Not Elliot's Queen Pomare, I
+hope!"
+
+"No, but Miss Morley is going."
+
+"O!" cried Gerald, "I hope she has been reading some more letters."
+
+"Not quite," said Marian smiling.
+
+"Well, but is it directly? I suppose you did not think she was to stay
+there for life? Has she been in any mischief, that you look so shocked?"
+
+Marian really could not help discovering that she was not without
+tenderness of feeling for Miss Morley, and did not like to proclaim, in
+Caroline's strong and rather satirical language, across the breakfast
+table, that Mrs. Lyddell had discovered by accident that she and her
+pupil were in the habit of amusing themselves with novels which were
+far better unread. After reading quickly to the end of the letter, she
+answered, "O, she has been reading books with Clara that Mrs. Lyddell
+did not approve."
+
+"A triumph! a triumph!" cried Agnes. "Now Marian will never attempt to
+defend Miss Morley again."
+
+"What, not the poor unfortunate faithful? How can you think me so base?"
+returned Marian. "Besides, poor thing, she really is very kind-hearted,
+and has very little harm in her. I dare say it was more Clara's fault
+than hers,"
+
+"Well done, Marian, striking right and left!" observed James Wortley.
+
+"How long has Miss Morley been at Oakworthy?" asked Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"She came about a year before we did," replied Marian.
+
+"Her predecessor, Miss Cameron, must have been a very different person;
+Caroline and Walter always speak of her with such respect."
+
+"Poor unfortunate!" broke out Gerald. "Well, if it had not been for
+Marian's letters, I should not have hated her so much. When one was
+making a row, she never did anything worse than say, 'Now Sir Gerald!'"
+which he gave with her peculiarly unauthoritative, piteous, imploring
+drawl.
+
+"There was something in that title of 'poor unfortunate,' peculiarly
+appropriate," said Marian, laughing, "as I am afraid that it is now,
+poor thing. She is to leave Oakworthy immediately, and I do not know
+that she has any relation but an old aunt."
+
+Mr. and Mrs. Wortley agreed with Marian that it was a melancholy case,
+but the others were too triumphant to be compassionate; and Gerald
+amused Agnes half the morning with ludicrous stories of her
+inefficiency.
+
+Marian was thoughtful all day; and at last, when sitting alone with Mrs.
+Wortley and Agnes, exclaimed, "Poor Miss Morley! I really am very sorry
+for her; I did not know I liked her so well."
+
+"Absence is the great charm with Marian," said Agnes, laughing; "we
+learn now what makes her so affectionate to us."
+
+"No, but really, Agnes, when one has been living in constant intercourse
+for four years, and often receiving kindness from a person, is it
+possible to hear of her being sent away in disgrace and poverty without
+caring about it?"
+
+"O yes; I know; after having lived in the same house with a kitchen
+poker for four years, you get so attached to it that it gives you a pang
+to part with it. No, but the comparison is no compliment to the poker;
+that is firm enough, at any rate,--a down cushion would be better."
+
+"An attachment to a down cushion is nothing to be ashamed of, Agnes,"
+said her mother.
+
+"And Miss Morley did deserve some attachment, indeed," said Marian. "She
+was so ready to oblige, and she really did many and many a kind thing by
+the servants; and I believe she quite denied herself, for the sake of
+her old aunt. She was not fit for a governess, to be sure; but that was
+more her misfortune than her fault, poor thing."
+
+"How do you make that out?" said Agnes.
+
+"Why, she was obliged to got her own living; and what other way had
+she? She was educated for it, and had everything but the art of gaining
+authority."
+
+"And high principle," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"But," said Marian, growing eager in her defence, "she really did know
+right from wrong. She would remonstrate, and tell us things that were
+every word good and true, only she did it with so little force, that
+they were apt not to mind her; and then it was no wonder that she grew
+dispirited, and sunk into poor unfortunate."
+
+"Yes," said Agnes, "I can understand it all; she was in a situation that
+she was not fit for, and failed."
+
+"She would have been very different in another situation, most
+probably," said Mrs. Wortley, "where she and the children were not so
+much left to each other's mercy."
+
+"Yes; Mrs. Lyddell never mended matters," said Marian. "She did not back
+up or strengthen her, but only frightened her, till she was quite as
+ready to conceal what was amiss as her pupils. And that intimacy with
+Clara was a very unlucky thing; it drew her down without drawing Clara
+up."
+
+"I suppose that was the origin of the catastrophe," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"I should think so; they have been more alone together lately, for I am
+sure this could never have happened when Caroline was in the schoolroom.
+And her making a friend of Clara was no wonder, so forlorn and solitary
+as she must have been." And Marian sighed with fellow-feeling for her.
+
+"An intimate, not a friend," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"And I could better fancy making a friend of Miss Lyddell," said Agnes.
+"I can't say my tete-a-tete with Miss Clara made me desire much more of
+her confidence."
+
+"Clara is more caressing," said Marian. "I think I am most fond of her,
+though Caroline is--O! quite another thing. But what I wanted was to ask
+you, Mrs. Wortley, if you thought I might write to poor Miss Morley, and
+ask if there is anything I can do for her. I can't bear to think of her
+going away without wishing her good-bye, or showing any feeling for her
+in her distress."
+
+"How very right and kind of you, Marian," exclaimed Agnes, "after all
+her injustice--"
+
+"I do not think it would be advisable, my dear," said Mrs. Wortley; "it
+would seem like putting yourself in opposition to Mrs. Lyddell, and
+might be pledging yourself, in a manner, to recommend her, which, with
+your opinion of her, you could not well do."
+
+"O, no, no, except in some particular case. Yes, I suppose you are
+right; but I don't feel happy to take no notice."
+
+"Perhaps something may occur on your return, when you understand the
+matter more fully; or, at any rate, if you are writing to Oakworthy, you
+might send some message of farewell, kind remembrances, or love."
+
+"Those are so unmeaning and conventional that I hate them," said Marian.
+
+"Yes, but their want of meaning is their advantage here. They are merely
+kindly expressions of good will."
+
+"And they will mean more from you," added Agnes, "as you never have the
+civility to use them on ordinary occasions."
+
+"Well, I will take your advice," said Marian, "and thank you, Mrs.
+Wortley; I only wish--"
+
+The wish ended in a sigh, as Marian sat down to commence--"My dear
+Caroline."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+  "But we are women when boys are but boys;
+  Heav'n gives us grace to ripen and grow wise,
+  Some six years earlier. I thank heav'n for it:
+  We grow upon the sunny side of the wall."
+
+  TAYLOR.
+
+
+It certainly was quite involuntary on Agnes Wortley's part, but when
+the time came for returning to Oakworthy, Marian was conscious of more
+kindly and affectionate feelings towards it and its inhabitants than she
+had ever expected to entertain for them. She did not love Fern Torr or
+the Wortleys less; she had resumed her confidence and sympathy with
+Agnes, and felt the value of Mrs. Wortley more than ever; and it quite
+made her heart ache to think how long it would be before she saw another
+purple hill or dancing streamlet, and that she should not be there to
+see her dear old myrtle's full pride of blossom. But, on the other hand,
+her room at Oakworthy, with its treasures, was a sort of home; and she
+looked forward to it gladly, when once she was out of sight of the
+moors.
+
+The train had stopped and gone on again from the last station before
+that where they were to leave it for Oakworthy, when Gerald, coming
+across to the seat by her side, said, "Marian, I say, can you lend me a
+couple of pounds?"
+
+"Why, Gerald, what can you want with them?"
+
+"Never mind; only be a good girl, and let me have them."
+
+"You had plenty of money when you came to Fern Torr. How could you have
+got rid of it all?"
+
+"Come, come, Marian, don't be tiresome. Haven't I had to give to all the
+old women in the place?"
+
+"But do you really mean that you have no money?"
+
+"O yes, I have some, but not what I want. Come, I know you keep
+California in your pocket. What harm can it do you?"
+
+After all Marian's presents at Fern Torr, it was not quite as
+convenient, as Gerald fancied, to part with two pounds; but that was not
+the best motive to put forward, nor was it her reason for hesitating.
+
+"I don't know whether it is right; that is the thing, Gerald."
+
+"Right! why where is the right or wrong in it?"
+
+"I am afraid it may do you harm," said she, in a trembling, doubtful
+voice.
+
+"Stuff! I'll take care of that!"
+
+"If you would only tell me what you want it for?"
+
+"I tell you, Marian, I can't do without it; I don't know what I shall
+do, if you won't give it to me."
+
+"Debts! O Gerald, you have not got into debt?"
+
+"Well, and what do you look so scared about? Do you think they will kill
+me?"
+
+"O, Gerald, Gerald, this proves it all."
+
+"It? what?" said Gerald. "Come, don't be so like a girl! I have not been
+doing any thing wrong, I tell you, and it is all your fault if I can't
+get clear."
+
+"With such an allowance as you have, O Gerald, how could you? And how
+could you throw about money at home, when you knew you were in debt?"
+
+"You talk as if I had been ruining my wife and ten small children,"
+cried Gerald, impatiently. "A fine fuss about making a few pounds stand
+over till next half. But you women go headlong at it, never see the
+rights of a thing. So, you won't? Well, it is your doing now!"
+
+"I can't see any end to it," said Marian, reflectingly. "If I thought
+you would make a resolution--but you will be without money at all, and
+how are you to get through this half? O, Gerald! better write to Mr.
+Lyddell at once, and he will set you straight, and you can begin fresh."
+
+Gerald made a face of utter contempt. The steam whistle was heard; they
+were stopping. "There is an end of it, then" said he, angrily. "I did
+not think you had been so ill-natured; it is all your fault, I tell you.
+I thought you cared for me."
+
+This was dreadful; Marian's purse was in her hand, and she began "O
+Gerald dear, anything but that!"--when they found themselves close in
+front of the station, and Lionel pulling at the door of their carriage,
+and calling fiercely to the porter to unlock them.
+
+Caroline was standing on the platform, and there was a tumult of
+greetings and inquiries for luggage to be taken out and put in. Gerald
+ran to see that his goods were separated from his sister's; Lionel shook
+hands with Marian, and scolded her for staying away all the holidays;
+roared to the porter that his portmanteau was for Slough, then turned
+again to say, "You've heard of poor unfortunate, Marian?"
+
+The bell rang; Gerald ran back; Marian knew she was weak, but could
+not help it,--she squeezed the two sovereigns into his hand, and was
+comforted for the moment by his affectionate farewell. Lionel and he
+threw themselves into their carriage, and were whisked off.
+
+"There!" said Caroline. "Now come along. O, I am so glad you are come; I
+have so much to say."
+
+Marian could not dwell on Gerald; she put her arm within Caroline's,
+looked back to see Fanny safe under the care of an Oakworthy footman,
+and soon was in the carriage.
+
+"Well, Caroline; and how is every one?"
+
+"Pretty well, considering the revulsion of ideas we have all undergone.
+Poor Miss Morley left plenty of farewells for you. You can't think haw
+pleased she was with your message."
+
+"Poor thing! Where is she?"
+
+"At her aunt's; she went on Monday. Mamma was impatient to have it over.
+You know her ways."
+
+Marian knew that this intimated that Caroline thought her mother had
+not been kind; and she doubted whether to continue her inquiries;
+but Caroline was too eager to tell, to wait for questions, and
+proceeded:--"There had been dissatisfaction for a long time, as I
+believe you may have guessed; mamma thought Clara backward, and wanting
+in what Miss Morley calls 'the solid;' and at last, coming suddenly into
+the schoolroom at twelve o'clock one fine day, she found reason good,
+for they were very comfortably reading M. Eugene Sue."
+
+"O, Caroline, impossible!"
+
+"Too possible," said Caroline, "though I would not believe it at first.
+However, they did not know what it was when they began, and were
+afterwards too much bewitched with the story to leave off; and as they
+felt it was wrong, they read it the more constantly to get it over
+faster."
+
+"But how in the world could they get such a book?"
+
+"From the circulating library. It appears that they found the evenings
+rather dull in London this spring, when we were all out, and so began a
+little secret hiring, which was continued at Oakworthy, and with a worse
+choice of books."
+
+"That she should be so little to be trusted!"
+
+"Nay, Marian, who could live with her half-an-hour in the schoolroom,
+and think she could?"
+
+"Certainly, she often puzzled me when first I came."
+
+"And you never saw the worst. You always kept order, after you came."
+
+"O, Caroline, what nonsense!"
+
+"Yes, indeed you did. I do assure you that, scores of times, the
+knowledge that your great eyes were wondering at me has kept me from
+bullying Miss Morley into letting me do what I knew to be wrong. I could
+persuade her and deceive myself, but I could not persuade you; and then
+all the rest went for nothing, because you were sure to be right."
+
+"It is very easy to see the right for other people," said Marian, with
+rather a sad smile.
+
+"Yes, only other people don't mind that, unless you do the right
+for yourself; and that is the thing in you, Marian. If you had said
+anything, I should not have minded it half so much; but your 'I don't
+know,' cut me home."
+
+"I am sorry--"
+
+"No, don't be sorry, for I am glad. If you had not come before all the
+good of Miss Cameron had gone off from me, what should I have been? O,
+Marian, I am very glad you are come back; I did not know I liked you
+half so well till you were gone."
+
+"I am sure I might say the same" almost whispered Marian, in a choked
+tone, under her bonnet. Caroline caught it up eagerly, and seizing her
+by both hands, exclaimed, stooping forward to peep at her face, "Marian,
+Marian, do you say so? And are you really not so very miserable at
+coming back to us?"
+
+A tear, one of Marian's very reluctant tears, actually rushed from her
+eye, and with a hard struggle to speak, she said, "Miserable! how can
+you say so? You are so very kind to me."
+
+"And do you not hate us?" said Caroline, with, an arch look of delight,
+then softened into something of mournfulness. "Nay, I did not mean that;
+but you can bear to be with us after your own Agnes,--after those good
+people,--after such a home as Fern Torr?"
+
+"O, Caroline, this is very unlike my first coming to you!"
+
+"Yes, I know we were not kind; we were not as we ought to have been to
+you."
+
+"No, no, no; I was stiff and disagreeable; I would not be pleased," said
+Marian, forgetting all coldness but her own.
+
+"No wonder. O, Marian," and Caroline's voice trembled, "no one knows
+better than I do how much there is to be lamented in our ways of going
+on,--how different our house is from Fern Torr." Marian could not say
+no. "You were too good for us; you are still, I would not see you like
+us; but if we could make you comfortable enough to think Oakworthy not
+an exile, but something like a home, how glad I should be!"
+
+Marian laid her hand on Caroline's arm; and, with an effort that cost
+her a spasm in her throat, she said, "You have!" Not another word could
+she get out; but this was enough. Caroline kissed her for the first time
+in her life, except at the formal partings at bed-time, and there were
+tears on both their faces. After a time, Caroline broke into the flood
+of thoughts in her cousin's mind, by saying, playfully, "When folks are
+missed, then they are mourned, people say; and I am sure you deserve the
+compliment, for till you were gone, I never knew your value. How many
+silly fancies of Clara's have flourished, for want of your indifference
+to put them down! How stupid it has been not to have you to read with,
+or talk to! How lonely the drawing-room has been, and nothing but
+nonsense if I went to the schoolroom. And then the boys,--Lionel has
+been so unruly there was no bearing it, and grumbling for you every day;
+and Johnny,--O, Marian, do you know it is settled that Johnny goes to
+sea, after all?"
+
+"Johnny! I know he wished it, but I thought Mrs. Lyddell never would
+make up her mind to it."
+
+"Ah! there have been storms in the higher quarters," said Caroline, with
+would-be gaiety. "You are very lucky to have been away all this time,
+for it has been by no means a serene sky. You know," she proceeded with
+gravity, "they say the times are bad; well, in the midst of papa's
+vexation at the tenants asking for a reduction of rent, in came a whole
+lot of Elliot's long bills, which made papa lecture Walter and me one
+whole evening on economy, and caused him to be extremely annoyed with
+everything and everybody, and to say mamma must give up her opposition
+to Johnny's being a sailor; and I never saw mamma take anything so
+really to heart. It has been very uncomfortable; and in the midst came
+this business of poor Miss Morley, who had rather harder measure in
+consequence."
+
+"Poor little woman! Well, she was very good-natured," said Marian, glad
+to turn the conversation from this account of family matters, not given
+in the pleasantest style, but rather as if Caroline was trying to
+conceal her real feelings by an air of satire.
+
+"She was like a child in authority. You see, we, who know her well,
+never think of blaming her as if she had originated the mischief; while
+mamma, who never did know her, cannot be persuaded that she simply
+yielded to Clara."
+
+"That is not exactly the object one desires in a governess," said
+Marian. "Well, poor thing! and how is Clara? is she very sorry?"
+
+"I really can hardly tell. I have been vexed with Clara myself, to tell
+you the truth; for I thought she acted shabbily. The blame passed over
+her, and lighted on Miss Morley; and she did not stretch out a hand to
+help her. Now Clara knew that it was wrong to read those books, just as
+well as you or I; indeed, it was all her doing; and I could not bear
+to see, her thinking herself innocent, and led into the scrape by Miss
+Morley. She did cry excessively, and was very unhappy when she found
+Miss Morley was really going, and the parting was heart-rending; but
+then the very next day, in spite of their confidential friendship, she
+began to disclose the poor woman's follies one after another, till I am
+quite tired of hearing of them. They must have grown much worse than
+they were in our time. I never knew then that she was always fancying
+people were in love with her."
+
+"T wonder what she will do!"
+
+"She would not be a bad governess where the mother looked after the
+children. Well, I hope she will soon get another situation, poor thing!"
+
+"Yes, indeed, for I am afraid she never saved anything."
+
+"O, no, she frittered all her money away, and always was poor at
+quarter-day; and she has only that old aunt to take care of her."
+
+"Poor thing, poor thing! If she would but have been firmer. And is Clara
+to have another governess?"
+
+"No, mamma thinks her too old; but I am sure I hope she is to develope
+more. I do not think you or I were like her at fifteen."
+
+"I think," said Marian, meditatively, "that Miss Morley and Clara helped
+what--was not wise in each other."
+
+"Yes, that is my hope,--that when Clara is out of her influence, she may
+grow wiser. People's minds do grow at different times, you know. Poor
+little Clara! I want Walter to talk to her, but it is hard to bring
+about; for they seem to have no common subject. Ours is a very odd
+household; we all go our own ways in our own worlds. Papa and mamma each
+have their way; and Elliot his way. Walter stands alone too; then I am a
+sort of connecting-link between the schoolroom set and mamma,--yes, and
+with Walter too: while the three boys are a party by themselves. O,
+Marian, no wonder you did not like us."
+
+"Say no more of that, pray, Caroline."
+
+She made no answer, but after a pause, suddenly exclaimed, "Nothing
+would matter, if it was not for Elliot. He is the root of all that has
+gone wrong."
+
+"Is he at home?"
+
+"No; he went last week, and the storm lulled then. O, Marian, I am weary
+of it all! But it is one comfort that you are come."
+
+Caroline certainly looked very much harassed, and her words showed that
+every one had been out of temper, and she had been obliged to bear it
+all. Marian was very sorry, and felt quite fond of her, as she answered,
+with a kind tone, "Thank you."
+
+"Walter has been the only comfort; but then he has been very unhappy
+too. I am afraid he knows more and worse of Elliot than he chooses to
+tell me. And then he is so busy,--going up for his degree, you know,
+after the vacation, and so nervous about it, that I have not liked to
+talk to him about anything tiresome, because, poor fellow, he is
+quite worried enough already. Well, but now tell me about pleasanter
+things--your pretty Agnes, how is she? and Gerald?--I wanted to have
+seen more of him. Was not he in glory?"
+
+"O, yes," said Marian, as a pang shot through her at this recall of her
+anxieties.
+
+"And tell me the whole story of Saunders' wedding."
+
+The two cousins had so much to say, that the long reaches of white chalk
+road and the bare downs had hardly time to pain Marian's eye; and she
+was surprised so soon to find herself in the well-known street of
+Oakworthy.
+
+It was not a hopeful prospect with which to return, after so happy a
+summer as she had spent; and yet a degree of trouble gave Marian a
+kindlier feeling towards the Lyddells. If it had not been for Gerald,
+she would have arrived at Oakworthy in a bright temper. Even now the
+discontent had been expelled by the dispositions fostered by Mr.
+Wortley; and if there was a weight on her, it was not a burthen of
+selfish repining,--the worst burthen of all. That Caroline had really
+missed her,--that Caroline loved her,--was a discovery that warmed
+her heart, and inclined her more than all before to look kindly on
+Oakworthy, when she drove up to the door, and met Clara in the hall.
+
+Clara hung upon her, and overwhelmed her with kisses; Mrs. Lyddell
+received her just as she had done before; and Walter shook hands
+cordially, as if he was very glad to see her again. The talk went on
+about visits and engagements, and each moment made Marian feel that her
+Sunday world had passed from her, and her workday world begun again.
+
+Clara came to her room with her, partly to see her new maid, and partly
+to talk with her about Miss Morley; but Marian, not wishing to have
+Fanny immediately astonished by her random way of talking, gave a sort
+of stern look and sign, which silenced poor Clara on that subject. There
+were plenty more, however, and she talked on fast; indeed, Marian had
+not two minutes alone that whole evening, till, somewhere towards
+half-past eleven, her cousins bade her a final good-night.
+
+She had time at last to think over that parting with Gerald, which had
+hung heavily on her all this time, without her being able to enter upon
+the subject with herself. What did it mean? Was it so very bad a sign?
+Did it really confirm all her fears? or was it not possible that he
+might have got into some chance difficulty? Might he not be careless and
+extravagant, without being seriously in fault? Yes; but this was but of
+a piece with other things which she had observed. Alone, it might not
+have been so alarming; but even apart from this, she could not be quite
+happy about him, after all she had observed. And had she been weak? had
+she done what was bad for him? O, for some one to consult!--some one
+under whose charge to put him! Was it her own fault that she had missed
+the opportunity with Mr. Wortley!
+
+To pray for him was all that could be done, and it in some degree
+stilled that aching feeling in her heart. Yet, whenever she woke in the
+night, she seemed to hear Caroline saying, "If it was not for Elliot!"
+with a foreboding that "If it was not for Gerald!" might be on her
+tongue in the same manner, for the rest of her life.
+
+Every time Gerald's name was mentioned, there was a pang; every time
+she thought of him in solitude, the fear and anxiety gained strength.
+Consciousness of ignorance added to its poignancy; and young as she was,
+it would be hard to describe how much suffering she underwent in secret,
+night after night, as she lay awake, in her perplexed musings on that
+one absorbing thought. Yet they were like those vague nightly terrors
+of wolves, darkness, or mysterious horrors, from which little children
+often suffer so much, without revealing them, and entirely shake off by
+day; for Marian awoke in the morning to cheerfulness and activity, with
+spirits undepressed, full of interest in things around; and only when
+reminded of her fears, secretly wincing at the sudden throb of pain.
+
+Marian's days were more at her own disposal than formerly. She might do
+as she pleased all the morning,--sit in her own room, and choose her own
+occupation; and she was just beginning to think over two or three bright
+plans of usefulness. She would make a series of copies, from prints, of
+Scripture subjects, for the Fern Torr children; she would translate some
+stories for them, and she had devised many other things to be done; when
+Caroline one day said to her, "Marian, I don't know if it is asking a
+great deal, but if you could sit with us sometimes in the morning, it
+would be a great gain. Mamma wants me to read with Clara. Now, you know
+I have no authority; and doing it for a lesson, as if it was for Clara's
+good, will only make her hate it, and pay no attention at all. But if we
+read together, as if it was for our own benefit, she will join in, and
+think it a womanly thing."
+
+Marian smiled at the ingenuity of the scheme, such as she would have
+been a great deal too awkward, as well as too straightforward ever to
+devise. It was a case where "no" could not have been said, but there
+were many ways of acting a no; and Marian was so sorry to give up the
+Scripture drawings, the idea of which had greatly delighted her when
+proposed by Agnes, that she had it in her heart to have backed out of it
+as often as she could. A little thought, however, convinced her, that to
+help Caroline's plans for her sister's good was the foremost duty, that
+to avoid it would be positive wrong and unkindness; so she resolved
+to lend herself to it with all her might, even though Agnes might be
+disappointed.
+
+And pray, why should Agnes be disappointed? Why were the drawing and
+reading incompatible? Marian had taught herself to think it impossible
+to do anything for Fern Torr, in public, for fear of being laughed at,
+or observed upon; and these drawings, which were of sacred subjects, and
+further involved some alterations of her own, would, she thought, be
+worse than any. She mused a long time whether this was right feeling or
+foolish bashfulness, and decided at last that it was a little of the
+former trying to justify a great deal of the latter, and that Caroline
+and Clara were not the same thing as Miss Morley and all the boys; so
+with an effort, which, considering the occasion, was almost absurd in
+its magnitude, she brought her portfolio down, began to draw, and did
+not experience anything unpleasant in consequence. It was one of her
+first practical lessons in the fancifulness of her shyness. Her cousins
+took interest in what she was about, admired, and helped her to hunt
+up subjects to make her series complete; indeed the three girls were
+exceedingly comfortable together, and a pleasant, mutual good-feeling
+constantly grew between them. Clara was certainly becoming less childish
+and silly when no longer nominally under the authority of Miss Morley,
+and the confidante of all her follies, but the companion of two sensible
+girls, young and bright enough to enter into all the liveliness about
+her that was not silliness and a great deal that was, and to drive away
+some of her nonsense by laughing at it.
+
+The mornings were thus pleasant and satisfactory, the afternoons were
+less certain to be agreeable. If there was a ride, it was delightful,
+if a walk, it was all very well; but there was a third contingency, to
+which Marian had become liable, of being carried forth with her green
+card-case on a morning visiting expedition by Mrs. Lyddell, and this was
+one which required all her powers of resignation, though the misfortune
+was much more imaginary than real.
+
+There were three chances of the way of spending the evening too. The
+first, the family party alone, this was pretty well, and though not
+charming, was by far the best; Mrs. Lyddell's talk was agreeable, and to
+sit with Caroline, and perhaps with the addition of Walter, at the small
+table, working, reading, and talking, was as quiet and comfortable a way
+of passing the time as might be. A dinner party at home was next best,
+for she had her own quiet corners of conversation, and Walter would
+sometimes come and take shelter there too, and get into a talk, as well
+as if the room were empty of company, sometimes better, because his
+mother could not hear him, and he was never so backward in telling his
+real mind, as in her hearing. Worst of all was a party from home, where
+she knew few persons, and disliked all she knew.
+
+Unhappily, this was generally her feeling towards all the neighbourhood;
+and though it may seem to be a strong expression, it is scarcely too
+much to say that in Marian's habitual frame she looked on every one that
+could be considered as company in the light of natural enemies, leagued
+to prevent her walks and rides, to tease her, and to spoil her evenings.
+
+This was partly the result of her constitutional shyness, but it would
+have gone off, by this time, if she had not fostered it by imbibing Lady
+Marchmont's exclusiveness. Marian would have been shocked to realize how
+she despised and scorned her acquaintance--why? the answer would have
+been hard to find--because they were company--because they were the
+world--because they were Mrs. Lyddell's society--because she was
+superior? How or why? She disdained them all, without knowing it, and
+far less knowing why. She complied scrupulously with every rule of
+formal politeness, and had become a tolerable mistress, by rote, of such
+common-place small talk as served to fulfil her part, and make her not
+feel herself absurd, but this was all; she would not let herself be
+pleased or amused, she would not open her eyes to anything good or
+agreeable about the people, except a very few favoured ones, chiefly
+clergymen or their wives.
+
+It was very wrong, it was Marian's one great fault at this period of her
+life, and it had the effect of making her almost disliked. Clara had
+scarcely said too much in telling Agnes that her pride was often
+remarked, for Mrs. Lyddell's neighbours were just the people to fancy
+pride where it was not, especially where the rank was superior to their
+own. Tall, handsome, and outwardly self-possessed, Miss Arundel did not
+gain credit, from superficial observers, for shyness, and was looked
+upon as a very haughty ungracious girl, while it was whispered that Mrs.
+Lyddell had had a great deal of trouble with her.
+
+The autumn passed on in this manner, and towards its close, Elliot
+returned from shooting in Scotland, and announced that his friend, Mr.
+Faulkner, was coming to Oakworthy, to look at an estate, which was for
+sale in the neighbourhood.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was pleased, and questioned her son about Mr. Faulkner's
+thousands a-year; then turning to Marian, said,
+
+"Surely, Marian, you know him; I heard of your meeting him and Lady
+Julia at Lady Marchmont's."
+
+"Yes," said Marian, with her face of rigidity.
+
+"Ah! yes, to be sure, he told me so," said Elliot.
+
+"Any one but Marian would be impatient to know what he said of her,"
+said Caroline.
+
+"Do you want to know yourself, Caroline?" said Elliot; "shall I tell
+you?"
+
+"Yes, do," said Caroline, in her curiosity, forgetting that Marian might
+be pained.
+
+"Ah! you ought to be warned if you want to set your cap at him, for
+she has forestalled you. Let me see, what was it he said? O, that Lady
+Marchmont would scarcely be alone in her glory long, for, for such as
+liked the style of thing, her cousin was as perfect a piece of carving
+in white marble as he ever had seen."
+
+White marble was certainly not the comparison for Marian's cheeks at
+that moment; it was pain and horror to her even to hear that she had
+been spoken of between Elliot and Mr. Faulkner, and to be told it in
+this manner, in public, was perfectly dreadful. She could neither sink
+under the table nor run away, so with crimson face and neck, she kept
+her post on the sofa, and every one saw she was intensely annoyed.
+Elliot, who had told it in a mischief-making spirit, fancying he should
+make his sister jealous, walked away, amusing himself with the notion
+that he had sown the dragon's teeth; Caroline was very sorry to have
+caused such painful blushes, yet was proud to hear of Marian's being
+admired; and Mrs. Lyddell said not a word, but worked on with a jerk at
+her thread, trying to persuade herself that she was not vexed that, as
+Elliot said, her daughter had been forestalled.
+
+Marian did not recover herself sufficiently to say one word about Mr.
+Faulkner till she was in her own room, and then when Caroline came, to
+pity her for her blushes, and apologize for having occasioned them, she
+said, "O! how I wish he was not coming!"
+
+"Why, don't you like him in return for his admiration?"
+
+"He is a horrible man!" said Marian.
+
+"Horrible, and why? What has he done to you? I am sure you are very
+ungrateful."
+
+"Don't talk of it," said Marian, blushing furiously again, then
+recollecting that she might give rise to a suspicion that he had already
+said something to her, she added, "I don't--I don't mean anything about
+that nonsense."
+
+"Well, but what do you mean? Is it really anything more than his being
+Elliot's friend, and having dared to--."
+
+"No, but Caroline, don't say anything about it; it was what I heard
+about him at the Marchmonts."
+
+"O what?"
+
+"It does not seem fair to tell how they talked over their guests, so
+don't repeat it again, pray."
+
+"You seem to find it like having a tooth drawn. Well! I am sworn to
+secrecy. I won't tell a living creature."
+
+"I am sure I know hardly anything, only that Lord Marchmont thinks very
+badly of him, and was quite sorry he had been asked to dinner. And he
+spoke of his having taken up Germanism, and oh! Caroline, for a man's
+faith to be unsettled is the worst of all, for then there is nothing to
+fall back upon."
+
+Caroline stood by Marian's fire, looking thoughtful for some moments.
+"Yes," she said, "you and Walter are in the same mind there, but it is
+not like what I was brought up to think. Miss Cameron used to teach us
+that the being in earnest in believing was the thing rather than the
+form of faith."
+
+"O, Caroline, that cannot be right. We have been commanded to hold one
+form of faith, and it must be wrong to set up another and hold it."
+
+"Yes, but if people are not clear that only one was given to every one,
+and that just as we say it is?"
+
+"Then it is very bad of them!" said Marian indignantly, "for I am sure
+the Bible is quite clear--one faith--the form of sound words--the faith
+once delivered to the saints."
+
+"I am quite clear about it," said Caroline.
+
+"O, of course," said Marian, looking at her with a sort of alarm at her
+speaking of the possibility as regarded herself of not being clear.
+
+"But if people are not clear, what are they to do?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, quickly; "only I hope I shall never have
+anything to do with such people; I can't judge for them; I had rather
+not think about them; it is of no use."
+
+"Of no use--what, not if you could do such a person good?"
+
+"Only in this way," said Marian, taking up her Prayer Book, and turning
+to the Collect for Good Friday.
+
+"Yes, but trying to convince?"
+
+"I should be afraid."
+
+"Afraid! Marian, I am sure nothing could hurt your faith."
+
+"I would not try," said Marian, shaking her head sadly.
+
+"But at that rate no one ever would be converted?"
+
+"You forget that there are clergymen."
+
+"Yes, but other people have done good."
+
+"O yes, but not women by arguing. O no, no, Caroline, we never ought to
+put our weakness forward, as if it could guard the truth. You know the
+wrong side may find stronger arguments than we are able to do--mind I
+don't say than can be found--of course truth is the strongest of all,
+but we may be overpowered, though the truth is not. We women should not
+stand out to argue for the truth any more than we should stand out to
+fight as champions in the right cause."
+
+"And is this the reason you never would argue?"
+
+"I don't know--I mean no, it was only because I had nothing to say; I
+knew when a thing was right, but could not tell why, and the more you
+asked, the more I did not know."
+
+"And do you know now?"
+
+"Sometimes," said Marian, "not often, but Mr. Wortley taught me some
+things, and one grows up to others. But I could never explain even when
+I know."
+
+"For instance--" said Caroline, laughing.
+
+"O that came, I don't know how. Have I said so much?"
+
+"A great deal that is very nice. Good night, Marian."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+  "She seemed some nymph in her sedan,
+  Apparelled in exactest sort,
+  And ready to be borne to court."
+
+  COWPER.
+
+
+Mr. Faulkner came at the time appointed, and Caroline, who had kept
+Marian's counsel, according to promise, was very curious to see how they
+would behave towards each other. As to Marian, she was just what might
+be expected,--more cold, distant, and stately than she had ever been to
+the most vulgar of Mrs. Lyddell's acquaintance. She gave a chilling bend
+to repel his attempt at shaking hands, made replies of the shortest when
+he tried to talk to her, and would not look up, or put on the slightest
+air of interest, at all the entertaining stories he was telling at
+dinner.
+
+The others were all extremely pleased with him. Elliot had never before
+brought home so agreeable a friend; a person who could talk of anything
+but hunting and racing was a new thing among his acquaintance, and
+every one was loud in his praise. Caroline, from having been prejudiced
+against him by Marian's history, was more surprised than the others:
+and scolded Marian, in the evening, for not having told them how very
+agreeable he was.
+
+"I never can think any one agreeable when I know there is hollowness
+within," said Marian.
+
+"I suppose Lord Marchmont knows," said Caroline, in a tone of annoyance
+and of a little doubt; and there the conversation ended.
+
+Few people were ever more agreeable than Mr. Faulkner. He had read
+everything, travelled everywhere, and was full of conversation suited to
+every one. If Marain had not heard Lord Marchmont's account of him, she
+must have liked him; but knowing what she did, she could and would not:
+looking at him something as Madame Cottin's Matilde first looked at
+Malek Adel, and not suffering herself to lose any of her horror. For the
+first day or two her frigidity was something wonderful, as she found
+him inclined to make attempts to cultivate her acquaintance; but she
+thoroughly succeeded in repelling him. He left off trying to talk to
+her; and one day when they were obliged to go in to dinner together,
+only exchanged the fewest and most formal of words with her, and
+positively neglected her for his other neighbour.
+
+After this, Marian did not quite so much overdo her stateliness. She
+could afford to be like herself with the others, even when he was in the
+room, though she never voluntarily took part in a conversation in
+which he was engaged, and her coldest air came over her whenever he
+approached. And it was well for her she could be so; for he stayed more
+than a fortnight, decided on buying the estate of High Down, and was
+asked to come again and make his head-quarters at Oakworthy, while
+superintending the alterations. All were sorry when he went; even the
+boys, whose first holiday week had been rendered very agreeable by his
+good nature. Johnny and Gerald vied with each other in his praise,
+heaping together a droll medley of schoolboy panegyrics; and Marian, not
+wishing to tell them of her objections, allowed that he had been very
+kind to them.
+
+The Christmas holidays passed, and left no change in the impression on
+her mind regarding Gerald; only she heard no news of her two sovereigns,
+and he did not so much as give her the opportunity of speaking to him
+alone. The heartache was growing worse than ever, and she was beginning
+to have a sort of desperate feeling that she would--she would--do she
+knew not what--write to Mr. Wortley--write more strongly to Gerald than
+she had ever yet dared to do--when one morning, a foreign looking letter
+arrived, in handwriting she knew full well, though it had never before
+been addressed to herself. There was company staying in the house, and
+Marian was not sorry it was impossible to read it at the breakfast
+table. She did not know what she was eating or what she was saying, and
+ran away with it as soon as she could, to enjoy it in her own room. A
+letter from Edmund! Could it be possible, or could it--O disappointing
+thought!--be only some enclosure for her to forward. In alarm at the
+idea, she tore it open. A long letter, and quite certainly to herself;
+for there stood the three welcome words, "My dear Marian." She glanced
+hastily down the first page, to make sure that there was nothing the
+matter; but no, it was all right--he wrote in his own lively style. He
+began by saying it was so long since he had heard from England, that he
+was growing afraid he was forgotten, and felt very small when the post
+came in, and brought something for every one but him; and he was going
+to try a fresh person, since he was growing desperate, and had sent
+appeals in vain to all his correspondents. He asked many questions about
+home friends, and about Marian herself; and then told much to
+interest her about his own doings, his way of living, and his hunting
+expeditions, with all the strange wild beasts with which they had made
+him acquainted, and he concluded thus:--"I hope you will write soon, and
+that you will be able to give me a flourishing account of Gerald. His
+silence may mean nothing, but it may also mean so much, that to hear
+he is going on particularly well would be double satisfaction just
+at present. Therefore with a view to what passed in our last walk at
+Oakworthy, tell me if you are completely satisfied with regard to him."
+
+It was a ray of light upon all Marian's perplexities; showing her what
+course to take, and filling her with hope. Her confidence in Edmund's
+power of setting everything right was still unchanged, and when Gerald's
+case was fully before him, he would know how to judge, and what to do;
+it would all be safe and off her mind. She felt sure that this had been
+the very reason of his writing; and full of gratitude, and infinitely
+relieved, she opened her desk, as if to answer was the easiest and most
+comfortable thing in the world.
+
+She did not, however, get on quite as fast as she expected; she dreaded
+equally the saying too much, or too little,--the giving Edmund actually
+a bad impression of her poor Gerald, or letting him think that there was
+no cause for anxiety. Then she thought the best way would be merely to
+give the facts, and let him draw his own conclusions; but these facts
+were in themselves trifles light as air, and it seemed unkind to send
+them across half the world. She left off trying to write, and resolved
+to give herself time for consideration; but time only made her more
+perplexed. She waited a week, wrote at last, and as soon as her letter
+was fairly gone, thought of forty different ways of saying the thing
+better and more justly, dwelt again and again on each line that could
+convoy a false impression one way or the other, and reproached herself
+by turns for having spoken disadvantageously of her dear affectionate
+brother, and for not having let her cousin fairly see the full extent of
+the mischief. On the whole, however, she was much happier now that it
+was all in Edmund's hands; so much so, that when Mr. Faulkner came
+again, she could not be quite so stiff; and being entirely relieved
+from the fear of his taking notice of her, could do him the favour of
+laughing when he told anything amusing.
+
+Winter and early spring came and went; the Easter holidays brought
+Gerald home, and she tried again in vain to get him to write to Edmund;
+but she could bear it better now that she had hopes.
+
+They went to London, and Marian was carried into the midst of all the
+gaieties supposed to befit her age and situation. Mrs. Lyddell would
+have thought herself very far from "doing her justice," if she had
+not taken her to all the balls and parties in her way; and Marian was
+obliged to submit, and get into the carriage, when she had much rather
+have gone to bed.
+
+She put off the expectation of much enjoyment till Lady Marchmont should
+come, and her arrival took place unusually late that season. She had
+not been well, and little Willie had been somewhat ailing; so that the
+bringing him into London air was put off as long as possible. It was not
+till the latter part of May that she came, as she had always promised to
+do, in time for Marian's presentation at court, on which both she and
+Mrs. Lyddell were bent; and Marian ready to endure it, by the help of a
+few romantic thoughts of loyalty. The day after Lady Marchmont arrived,
+she called at Mrs. Lyddell's and came in, as she generally did once in
+a year. After her visit was over, she asked Marian to come and take a
+drive, and no sooner where they in the carriage, than she exclaimed, "A
+nice looking girl, that Miss Lyddell! Is she the one who is to marry Mr.
+Faulkner?"
+
+"O, Selina! how could you have heard such nonsense?"
+
+"What, is it to be denied? It is not settled, then?"
+
+"No, nor ever will be."
+
+"Why, surely the man has been spending months at Oakworthy."
+
+"Only weeks; besides, he was buying a house."
+
+"A very proper preliminary to a wife."
+
+"O, no, no it is impossible!"
+
+"But why? Perhaps you know some good reason to the contrary; for I heard
+he admired you very much when he met you last year."
+
+"Don't say such things, Selina. How could you fancy it possible, after
+all the horrid things Lord Marchmont said of him!"
+
+"What is impossible, my dear? That he should think you very handsome?"
+
+"Don't, Selina, pray don't! That any body good for any thing should ever
+marry him!"
+
+"Any body good for any thing!" repeated Selina. "Well, granted,--and
+it is a considerable grant,--does that make the supposition out of the
+question?"
+
+"Yes, as regards Caroline. O, Selina! you do not know Caroline, or you
+would not look so incredulous!"
+
+"Time will show," said Lady Marchmont, gaily. "I reserve to myself the
+satisfaction of having known it beforehand."
+
+"It never will be," said Marian. "And how is little Willie?"
+
+"Very well, poor little man, if he would only grow, but he is so small,
+that I am fairly ashamed to show such a hop-o'-my-thumb. But he is
+coming out quite a genius; he reads as well as I do, and makes the
+wisest speeches."
+
+And the history of his wise speeches occupied them for some time, with
+other matters, until just as their drive was nearly concluded, Selina
+exclaimed, "But all this time I have never asked you if you can throw
+any light on this extraordinary step of Edmund Arundel's?"
+
+"What do you mean?" cried Marian.
+
+"Have you not heard that he has exchanged, and is coming home? The most
+foolish thing,--just as he might have been sure of promotion. It is not
+likely to be health, for the climate agreed very well with him."
+
+"Yes," assented Marian, wrapt in her own thoughts; "but did he write to
+you?"
+
+"Not a word; we only saw it in the Gazette, and Lord Marchmont would
+hardly believe it could be he; but it was but too plain,--Lieutenant
+Edmund Gerald Arundel. It is very strange; he was not wont to do foolish
+things."
+
+"No," said Marian, mechanically.
+
+"And you know nothing about it? You know him better than we do. Ho
+seemed the very man for the Colonies, with no ties at home, unless--no,
+it is impossible--unless there could be a lady in the case."
+
+"O, no!" replied Marian colouring so much at the secret consciousness of
+his motive, that Selina laughed, saying, "I could almost suspect you, in
+spite of your demureness, of being the very lady. However, I am glad you
+think there is no truth in my surmise, for he could not do a more absurd
+thing than marry. Only when a man gives up all his prospects in this
+way, there is nothing too preposterous to be expected to come next."
+
+By this time they were at Mrs. Lyddell's door, and Marian gladly
+escaped, feeling stunned at the effect her letter had produced. How
+noble, how kind, how generous, how self-devoted Edmund was! this was the
+prominent thought. She knew him to be very fond and very proud of his
+regiment, to be much attached to several of his brother officers, and to
+have given them more of his affection than persons with home interests
+generally do; indeed, they had served him instead of home. All his
+success in life, and his hopes of promotion, given up too,--sacrifices
+which she could not estimate; and it was she who had caused them. She
+had thoughtlessly led him to do himself all this injury, out of his
+kindness and affection, and his sense of duty towards her and her
+brother. She was very unhappy when she thought of this; then came the
+bright ray of joy and relief in hope and confidence for Gerald,--Gerald
+saved, saved from corruption, ruin, from being like Elliot, from
+breaking her heart, made all that his father and mother would have made
+him, her pride, her delight, the glory and honour of Fern Torr,--O,
+joy, joy! And the mere seeing Edmund again,--joy, joy! Yes, the joy far
+predominated over the pain and regret; indeed, be the injury to himself
+what it might, who could be sorry that he had acted so nobly? Yes,
+Marian was happy; her eyes were bright, her smile frequent; she laughed
+with Clara, she romped with little Willie Marchmont, she was ungracious
+to none but Mr. Faulkner who came to the house so much, that she began
+to fear that Caroline might have the annoyance of an offer from him,
+more especially since he had made his mother and sister call on Mrs.
+Lyddell, and Miss Faulkner seemed to intend to be intimate.
+
+The day of the drawing-room had come; Mrs. Lyddell and Caroline were
+going, and Marian was of course to go with Lady Marchmont. She had just
+been full dressed, and had come down stairs to wait for Lady Marchmont's
+carriage, when a step was heard approaching. She thought it was the
+servant, to announce it; it was the servant, but the announcement was
+not what she expected. It was "Mr. Arundel,"--and Edmund stood before
+her, browner, thinner, older, but still Edmund himself.
+
+She could not have spoken; she only held out her hand, and returned his
+strong pressure with all the force her soft fingers were capable of.
+Mrs. Lyddell spoke, he answered, explanations were given and received,
+and still she stood as if she was dreaming, until he turned to her, and
+said, "Well, Marian, these are transformations indeed?"
+
+"I can't help it," said Marian.
+
+"Do you think I want you to help it? I suppose I need not ask if the
+Marchmonts are in town?"
+
+"Lady Marchmont presents Marian," said Mrs. Lyddell; "we expect her
+carriage every minute."
+
+And just then the announcement really came.
+
+"Her carriage, not herself?" said Edmund. "Well, I think I might go
+with you to her house, Marian, if your feathers are not ashamed of such
+shabby company."
+
+"O, pray come!"
+
+"And you will return to dinner, I hope, Mr. Arundel," said Mrs. Lyddell,
+"at half-past seven? Mr. Lyddell will be so glad to see you."
+
+Edmund accepted the invitation, and the two cousins went down stairs
+together. As soon as they were in the carriage, Edmund said, "A lucky
+moment to come in. It is something to have seen you in all your
+splendour. You have grown into something magnificent!"
+
+"All this finery makes me look taller than I really am."
+
+"Nevertheless, however you may try to conceal it, I am afraid you have
+turned into the full grown cat. I saw it in your letter."
+
+"O, Edmund, I am so sorry I wrote that letter."
+
+"Why? Are you happier about Gerald?"
+
+"No, I don't know that I am," said Marian, sighing; "but--but I little
+thought it would make so much difference to you. I did not know what I
+was doing."
+
+"I am glad of it, or you would not have written so freely; though after
+all you could not have helped being like a sensible straightforward
+person."
+
+"O, it is untold relief that you are come; and yet I must be sorry--"
+
+"I won't have you sorry. No one should regret having told the honest
+truth. The fact is, I ought never to have gone. And poor Gerald?"
+
+"I have no more to say, only vague fears. But now you are come, it is
+all right."
+
+"Don't trust too much to me, Marian. Remember, it will be a generous
+thing in Gerald if he attends to me at all. He is not obliged to do so."
+
+"You will--you must do everything. Gerald is as fond of you as ever, I
+know he is, though he would not write. O, I am glad! You heard of our
+delightful going home, I hope?"
+
+"Yes. All well there?" said Edmund, hurriedly.
+
+"Very well. Agnes is grown so tall, and it is so very nice there. The
+old Manor house--"
+
+"Well," he broke in suddenly; "and how do you get on with Selina
+Marchmont."
+
+"She is very, very kind. But O! here we are in her street, and I shall
+have no more of you to-day."
+
+"Not at dinner?"
+
+"O; it is a great, horrid party, as Mrs. Lyddell should have warned
+you."
+
+"Could not I take you in to dinner?"
+
+"I am afraid not. Mrs. Lyddell will never treat me as if I was at home,
+and I am afraid there is an honourable man that I must be bestowed on."
+
+They had reached Lady Marchmont's door, and going up stairs, found her
+looking like a princess in a fairy tale, in her white plumes and her
+diamonds; and Willie, the smallest, most delicate, and prettiest of
+little boys, admiring the splendours of his papa's yeomanry uniform.
+
+In spite of being considerably provoked with Edmund for having come
+home, Lord and Lady Marchmont welcomed him with as much warmth as if
+it was the most prudent thing he could have done. They insisted on his
+coming to stay at their house, and as it was full time to set off, left
+him to see about his worldly goods being transported thither.
+
+"Has he told you his reason, Marian?" asked Selina, as soon as the two
+ladies and their trains were safely disposed of, in the carriage.
+
+"I know them," said Marian, her colour rising, "and most noble they are;
+but I had rather let him tell you himself."
+
+"Marian's discretion again," said Lord Marchmont, smiling.
+
+"Only set me at rest on one point," said Selina; "it is no love affair,
+I hope?"
+
+"No, indeed," said Marian; "or do you think he would have told me?"
+
+Probably there were few young ladies who played their part that day in
+the drawing-room, that last remnant of the ancient state and majesty of
+our courts, with happier minds, or less intent on their own appearance,
+than Marian Arundel. She was very glad when the bustle and crowd were
+over, and she could be alone to enjoy the certainty that Edmund was
+really at home again.
+
+He came according to promise that evening, but she could not have much
+conversation with him, as he was placed at a distance from her, the
+greater part of the time. He was not sorry to be thus able to watch her,
+though he did not see her in the point of view in which she pleased him
+best. She looked better now, he thought, than in the court dress; for
+the broad, simple, antique braids of her dark hair, only adorned by two
+large pearl pins, suited better than the plumes and lappets, with the
+cast of her classical features. All that he had thought promised
+beauty, as a child, had fulfilled the promise, and the countenance, the
+expression, would have been fine, seen on a much plainer face, and as
+she eat there, her black, shady eyes cast down, her dark pencilled
+eyebrows contrasting with her colourless cheek, and her plain white
+drapery in full folds, flowing round her, she might have been some
+majestic lady in a mysterious picture, who had stepped from her frame
+into a scene belonging to another age. She looked as if she was acting a
+tableau; she moved, indeed, and smiled, and spoke occasionally; but the
+queen-like deportment of her neck did not relax; her lips resumed their
+statue-like expression; there was no smile about the eye, no interest
+in the air. She was among the company, but not of them; neither shy nor
+formal, but as if she belonged to some other sphere, and had only come
+there by mistake. Edmund could have counted the times, for they were
+few enough, when her head bent forward with eagerness, and there was
+animation in her face.
+
+How different from Caroline! her brightly coloured, blooming face
+sparkling with life and light; flowers among her light, shining hair;
+her dress of well-chosen, tasteful, brilliant tints, ornament, lace
+and ribbon, all well assorted in kind and quantity, her alert, lively
+movements carrying her from one group to another, with something
+pleasant and appropriate to say to all, bringing smiles and animation
+with her wherever she went. Not that Edmund did not prefer his cousin's
+severe simplicity, and admire it as something grand; but that stern
+grandeur was not all that fitted the place; and though he thought her
+beautiful, he was not satisfied.
+
+Edmund had some talk with Mrs. Lyddell, who spoke of Gerald with great
+warmth; more, he thought, than she showed in the mention of Marian. He
+stayed till the last, and saw the relaxation of her grand company-face,
+before he wished them good night.
+
+"Well," said Mrs. Lyddell, as the door closed behind him, and she
+lighted her candle, "Africa has not robbed Mr. Arundel of all his good
+looks. How old is he?"
+
+"Nearly twenty-eight," said Marian.
+
+"I am always forgetting that he is so young," said Mrs. Lyddell. "Well,
+good night. I wonder what brought him home?"
+
+"I do not wonder, for it is plain enough," said Caroline, as the girls
+turned up their own staircase.
+
+"Marian tries to look innocent," said Clara, laughing violently.
+
+"I am sure I don't understand," said Marian.
+
+"Now I am sure that is on purpose to make us explain," said Clara. "It
+is too bad, Marian; when he came straight to you, instead of going to
+Lady Marchmont."
+
+"And the tete-a-tete in the carriage," said Caroline.
+
+"Don't be so ridiculous," said Marian; "but I believe you like such
+jokes so well, that you would make them out of anything."
+
+"I don't make a joke of it at all. I always thought it was with that
+very view, he was made your guardian."
+
+"You very absurd persons, good night!" said Marian, shutting her door,
+and laughing to herself at such a very ludicrous idea as such a scheme
+on the part of her father.
+
+These kind of jokes, of which some people are still very fond, may be
+very hurtful, since a young girl's inexperience may found far more upon
+them than the laughers ever intended. Caroline and Clara were not acting
+a kind part, though they were far from any unkind meaning. Marian had
+great susceptibility and deep affections; and had her mind been less
+strong, her happiness might have been seriously injured. Even if their
+observations had no real meaning, and no effect on her heart, yet they
+could not fail to occasion her many moments of embarrassment, and might
+interfere with her full, free confidence in her best and earliest
+friend.
+
+In some degree they had this result. Marian began to be aware that her
+situation with Edmund was not without awkwardness,--that he was still
+a young man, and that she was now a young woman; and whilst shocked
+at herself, and disliking the moment that had opened the door to the
+thought, was obliged to consider how far there might be truth in the
+suggestion.
+
+She was quite sure that she had influenced him strongly, quite sure that
+he regarded her with warm affection; she wished she was equally sure it
+was with a brother's love. Yes, she wished, for to think otherwise would
+lower him in her estimation. He was her first cousin, and if first
+cousins had better not marry he would never think of it; besides, the
+merit of his sacrificing all for Gerald's good would be lost, and
+his return would have been an act of self-gratification instead of
+self-devotion. No, she would not, could not believe any such thing; she
+was certain Edmund never would be so weak as to wish to do anything only
+doubtfully right, and thus, strangely enough, her full trust in the
+dignity of his character, prevented her from imagining him in love with
+her.
+
+Still she knew her cousins were watching her, and this prevented her
+from ever meeting him in thorough comfort at Mr. Lyddell's; and even
+when at Lord Marchmont's, her maidenly reserve had been so far awakened
+as to make her shrink back from the full freedom of their former
+intercourse. This, however, was more in her feeling than in her manners,
+which, if they differed at all from what they were formerly, only seemed
+to be what naturally arose from her growth in years.
+
+She observed that he was not in good spirits. It was not what others,
+not even Selina, could perceive, but Edmund and Marian had known each
+other too well and too long, not to read each other's faces, and know
+the meaning of each other's tones. She did not expect him to be as merry
+as in olden days at home, nor did she desire it; but there was more
+depression about him than she thought comfortable, and she was sure that
+it was an effort to him to talk in the lively way that had once been
+natural to him. She was afraid he felt the separation from his friends
+in his old regiment very severely, or else that he was very anxious
+about Gerald, and yet she had found out that the tenderest point of all
+was Fern Torr, for he either would not or could not speak of that, but
+always contrived to turn the conversation as soon as it was touched
+upon. She grieved over his unhappiness a great deal, and yet would not
+enter on any questioning, from an innate feeling, that it would not
+be becoming. He was only to stay a very short time in London, before
+joining his regiment at Portsmouth, and he meant to go and spend a day
+at Eton to see Gerald, but Lady Marchmont suddenly proposed that they
+should all go together; she said she must inspect Eton before Master
+Willie was ready to go, and that it would be a charming scheme to take
+Marian and surprise Gerald. Marian had a few secret doubts whether this
+was exactly the most suitable way of fulfilling Edmund's intentions,
+but it was so delightful a treat that she laid aside her scruples, and
+Selina coaxed her husband into finding a day to accompany them.
+
+So one fine June morning, the day before Edmund's departure, they set
+off, Selina's high spirits and Marian's happiness giving the party a
+very joyous aspect. Father Thames looked as stately and silvery as ever,
+the playing fields smiled in the sunshine, and Windsor Castle looked
+down on them majestically. Marian felt it a holiday to have escaped from
+London into so fair a scene, and even if she had come for nothing else,
+would have been happy in beholding some of the most honoured spots in
+the broad realm of England.
+
+She had many questions to ask, but Lord Marchmont was taken up with
+showing his old haunts to his wife, and she was walking some distance in
+front, with Edmund, on whose face there was an expression of melancholy
+thought that she would not disturb. He was an Etonian, and how fall of
+remembrances must all be around him.
+
+Presently two or three boys met them running, and were passing them,
+when Marion exclaimed, "There is Lionel!" "Lyddell!" called Edmund, and
+one of them stopped, so taken by surprise that Marian was for a moment
+horrified by thinking she had mistaken him; but the next glance
+re-assured her, for she knew Lionel's way of standing, and his hat
+pulled far over his forehead.
+
+"Lionel," said she, "where is Gerald?"
+
+"Hallo! You here!" said he, wheeling round so that the light might not
+be in his eyes, and shading them with one hand while he tried to make
+out Edmund, and gave his other hand to Marian.
+
+"How did you come here? Are any of the people at home here?"
+
+"No, this is my cousin Edmund. I am come with the Marchmonts."
+
+"You have quite forgotten me," said Edmund, shaking hands.
+
+"Not if I could see you," said Lionel, frowning at the light, as he
+looked up.
+
+"O, Lionel, how bad your eyes are!" exclaimed Marion.
+
+"I have just been reading, and there is such a _hideous_ sunshine
+to-day," said Lionel.
+
+"And where is Gerald?"
+
+"I'll go and fetch him."
+
+"Where is he?"
+
+"I'll find him," and off he ran, with a fresh pull of his hat over his
+forehead to keep off the hideous sunshine. The Marchmonts came up at the
+moment, and were told who he was, and that he was gone to find Gerald.
+Edmund asked what was the matter with his eyes.
+
+"They are never very good," said Marian. "Reading and strong light
+always hurt them."
+
+"Has he had any advice?"
+
+"The surgeon at Oakworthy looked at them last Christmas, when the snow
+dazzled them, but he did not think there was much amiss with them. It
+was always so. But where can Gerald be?"
+
+In the space of about five minutes, Gerald and Lionel appeared, and the
+former came up to them alone, with a look which had more of shyness than
+of pleasure, and his greeting, while more courteous, was less open and
+cordial than Lionel's had been. They all went together to the house of
+the boys' tutor, who had also been Edmund's; there was a great maze of
+talking and introductions: Lady Marchmont made herself very charming to
+the mistress of the house: Edmund and the tutor disappeared together,
+and did not come back till the others had nearly finished a most
+hospitable luncheon; after which the visitors set out to see all that
+there was time to see, and Marian caused Gerald to fetch Lionel to
+accompany them.
+
+Lionel walked with Edmund and Marian, but Gerald on the other hand
+attached himself to Lord and Lady Marchmont, talking to them freely and
+pleasantly, answering Selina's questions, much to her amusement and
+satisfaction, and Lord Marchmont comparing notes with him, as old
+Etonians delight to do with "the sprightly race, disporting" for the
+time being, on the "margen green" of Father Thames. A particularly
+lively, pleasant, entertaining, well-mannered boy was Gerald, but, all
+the time, Marian was feeling that he was holding aloof both from her and
+Edmund, never allowing either of them the opportunity of speaking to him
+alone, for even a minute; and his manner, whenever Edmund either spoke
+to him or looked at him, was such as to betray to her that he was ill at
+ease.
+
+Thus it was while they viewed the chapel, the court, with what Selina
+was pleased to call "Henry's holy shade," the upper school, the hundred
+steps, the terrace, and beautiful S. George's, with its gorgeous banners
+and carved stalls, and blazoned shields, that glimpse into the Gothic
+world of chivalry and romance; and in the midst of it that simple flat
+stone, which thrills the heart with a deep feeling at once of love,
+sorrow and reverence; that stone which recalls the desolate night which,
+in darkness and ruin, amid torn banners, and scutcheons riven, saw the
+Martyr king go white to his grave. Marian entered into all these things,
+in spite of her anxiety, for her mind was free enough to be open to
+external objects, now that her brother was in Edmund's hands, and she
+was relieved of that burthen of responsibility which had so pressed on
+her.
+
+Such was their Eton day, and with no more satisfaction from Gerald did
+they part at the Slough station. The Marchmonts were loud in his praise,
+Marian sought the real opinion in Edmund's eyes, but he was leaning
+back, looking meditative, and when first he roused himself to enter into
+conversation, it was of Lionel and not of Gerald that he spoke.
+
+"Do you say that any one has looked at that boy's eyes?"
+
+"Yes, Mr. Wells, the Oakworthy apothecary."
+
+"Do you know what is thought of him?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian considering. "He attends a good many people,
+I believe he is thought well of; but no one ever is ill at home, so I
+have no experience of him. Yes, he was called in once when we all had
+the measles, and last winter about Lionel's eyes. I am sure I don't know
+whether he is what you would call a good doctor or not; all I know is,
+that he is not at all like Dr. Oldham."
+
+Edmund smiled. "Has Mrs. Lyddell not been uneasy?"
+
+"O no!" said Marian. "No one ever troubles their head about Lionel,
+besides it was always so."
+
+"Always how?"
+
+"His eyes were always weak, and easily tired and dazzled, from the very
+first when I knew him. They don't look as if there was anything amiss
+with them, and so people don't suspect it."
+
+"I think they do look very much amiss," said Edmund. "Do not you observe
+an indistinctness about the pupil, between it and the iris? Can you tell
+whether that was always the case?"
+
+"I don't know, I see what you mean. I should say it had begun of late.
+Do you think it so bad a sign?" she asked anxiously.
+
+"I am not sure; I only know if he belonged to me, I should not like it
+at all."
+
+Marian pondered and feared, and considered if it would be possible
+to stir up Mrs. Lyddell; she herself was much startled, and rather
+indignant; but she doubted greatly whether poor Lionel was of sufficient
+importance in the family for any one to be very anxious on his account.
+In the meantime, she was extremely desirous of hearing what account
+Edmund had received from the tutor respecting her brother, but she had
+no opportunity till late in the evening, when he came and sat by her on
+the sofa, saying, "Now, Marian, I will answer your anxious eyes, though
+I am afraid I have nothing very satisfactory to tell you. I don't know
+that there is any positive harm--it is only the old story of a clever
+boy with too much money, and too much left to himself. Idleness and
+thoughtlessness."
+
+"And what shall you do?"
+
+"I don't know--I must think."
+
+Whereupon they both sat silent.
+
+"I shall see you again in the summer," said he.
+
+"O yes--perhaps you will come in Gerald's holidays."
+
+Another silence, then she said, "Do you think very badly of poor
+Lionel's eyes?"
+
+"No, I don't say that, for I know nothing, only I wonder his family are
+not more anxious."
+
+"I shall see if Mrs. Lyddell will believe there is cause for alarm."
+
+The carriage was announced, she wished him good-bye again, thanked her
+cousins for her pleasant day, and departed, wondering to herself how it
+could have been a pleasant day, as after all it had been, in spite of
+doubt and anxiety and care.
+
+She told Mrs. Lyddell when she came in, that she had seen Lionel.
+
+"How were his eyes?" asked Caroline.
+
+"I am afraid they were more dazzled than usual."
+
+No one said anything, and after a pause she went on. "Edmund remarked
+a sort of indistinctness about the pupil, which he said was not a good
+sign."
+
+"What was that?" said Mr. Lyddell looking up, and Marian, startled, yet
+glad to have attracted his notice, repeated what she had said. "Did not
+Wells look at his eyes last winter?" he said, turning to his wife.
+
+"Yes, he said he could not see anything the matter with them--they must
+be spared--and he sent a mixture to bathe them. Lionel has been using it
+continually."
+
+"How would it be to have him up here to see some one?" said Mr. Lyddell.
+
+"Better wait for the holidays," answered his wife. "It would be the
+worst thing possible to set him thinking, about his eyes in the middle
+of the half-year. Little as he does now, it would soon be less, and his
+eyes have kept him back so much already that he really cannot afford to
+lose any more time."
+
+There it ended, Mrs. Lyddell was not to be alarmed; she had been too
+long used to prosperity even to contemplate the possibility that harm
+should come nigh to her or to her dwelling. Mr. Lyddell, who left all
+family matters to her, forgot all about it, and though Marian talked
+Caroline into some fears on the subject, Caroline could do no more than
+she could herself.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+  "_Benedict_. What, my dear Lady Disdain, are you yet living?"
+
+  "_Beatrice_. Is it possible Disdain should die while she has such
+  meet food to feed her?"
+
+  _Much Ado about Nothing._
+
+
+The Lyddell family did not continue in London much longer; it had been a
+short season, and though the session of Parliament was not over, most
+of the ladies were taking flight into the country, before the end of
+June,--Mrs. Lyddell among the rest,--and her husband went backwards and
+forwards to London, as occasion called him.
+
+The girls were glad to get into the country, but Marian soon found that
+she had not escaped either from gaieties, or from the objects of her
+aversion; for Mr. Faulkner brought his mother and sisters to High Down
+House, gave numerous parties there, and made a constant interchange of
+civilities with the family at Oakworthy. Archery was pretty much the
+fashion with the young ladies that year; it was a sport which Marian
+liked particularly, having often practised it with Edmund and Agnes, and
+her bow and arrows were always the first to be ready.
+
+One day when Marian, Caroline, and Clara were shooting on the lawn at
+Oakworthy, Mr. and Miss Faulkner rode from High Down, came out on the
+lawn, and joined them. From that moment, any one could see the change
+that came over Marian. Instead of laughing and talking, teaching Clara,
+and paying only half attention to her own shooting, she now went on as
+if it was her sole object, and as if she had no other purpose in life.
+She fixed her arrows and twanged her string with a rigidity as if the
+target had been a deadly enemy, or her whole fate was concentrated in
+hitting the bull's eye; and when her arrows went straight to the mark,
+or at least much straighter than those of any one else, she never
+turned her head, or vouchsafed more than the briefest answer to the
+exclamations around.
+
+The others were talking of archery in general and in particular,--just
+what, if it had not been Mr. Faulkner, would have delighted her; but
+she would not hear him. He might speak of the English long-bow, and
+the cloth yard-shaft, and the butts at which Elizabeth shot, and the
+dexterity required for hitting a deer, and of the long arrow of the
+Indian, and the Wourali reed of South America,--as long as he spoke it
+was nothing to her, let Caroline smile and answer, and appeal to her as
+much she would. Then came a talk about archery meetings and parties, in
+which at last they all grew so eager, that they stood still round the
+return target, and Marian could not shoot back again without perilling
+them; so she unstrung her bow, and stood apart with a stern face, which
+made her look a great deal more like Diana, than she by any means
+suspected or desired.
+
+Two days after, there came a note from Miss Faulkner,--Julia, as she had
+requested to be called,--saying that her brother was so delighted with
+the archery schemes that had been discussed, that he could not give them
+up, and intended to give a grand fete at High Down,--archery in the
+morning, a ball in the evening, and all the ladies who liked, to be in
+costume. She ended by begging Caroline to come to luncheon that day, or
+the next, to enter into council on the subject. There was great delight;
+such an entertainment was quite a novelty in the neighbourhood, and the
+costume seemed to make it all the more charming in the eyes of Caroline,
+Clara, and their mother; all were talking at once, and wondering what it
+could or should be, while Marian went on reading imperturbably without
+one remark.
+
+"It ought to be in Robin Hood's time, if only for the sake of Maid
+Marian," said Caroline. "She will be quite sure to win the prize."
+
+"O yes, that she will," said Clara; "she shoots so much better than any
+one else."
+
+"I shall not shoot in public," said Marian, looking up for a moment, and
+then going on with her book.
+
+"You will do nothing to make yourself particular," said Mrs. Lyddell:
+"it will be very silly to set your face against this fete, when every
+one knows how fond you are of archery."
+
+"We don't know anything yet about what is to be," said Caroline,
+quickly; and at that moment Elliot, coming in, offered to ride with her
+to High Down, whereupon she hastened to get ready. Such an obliging
+offer from her brother was certainly too uncommon a thing to be
+neglected, in spite of the unwonted graciousness and amiability which
+Elliot had for the last few weeks assumed towards her.
+
+When she was gone, Marian and Clara resumed their ordinary occupations,
+and one of them at least troubled herself no more about the fete, until,
+shortly before dinner time, Elliot, Caroline, and Mr. Faulkner all rode
+up to the front door. Mr. Faulkner, it appeared, was come to dinner, and
+to carry on the consultation, since he was extremely eager about the
+scheme, and no time was to be lost in sending out the invitations.
+The Sherwood Forest plan had been talked over, and abandoned as too
+common-place. It was to be a Kenilworth fete; eight young ladies of Lady
+Julia's especial party were to appear in the morning in a pretty uniform
+dress, a little subdued from the days of the ruff and farthingale; and
+in the evening there was to be a regular Kenilworth quadrille, in which
+each lady or gentleman was to assume the dress of some character of
+Queen Elizabeth's court. In fact, as Mr. Faulkner said;--
+
+  "Gorgeous dames and statesmen bold
+  In bearded majesty appear."
+
+Amy Robsart, Katherine Seymour, Anne Clifford, Frances Walsingham,
+Mildred Cecil, and other ladies of the time were mentioned, and then
+came the counting up of their eight living representatives,--the two
+Misses Faulkner, Caroline, yes, and Clara herself, who started and
+danced with ecstasy, then glanced entreatingly at her mother, who looked
+doubtful; Marian, two cousins of the Faulkners, who were always ready
+for anything, and a Miss Mordaunt, were reckoned up, and their dresses
+quickly discussed; but all the time Marian said not a word. She was
+thinking of the waste of time and consideration, the folly, levity
+and vanity, the throwing away of money, all this would occasion, and
+enjoying in her own mind the pleasure of resisting it _in toto_. She
+supposed she must go to the archery meeting, though why people could
+not be contented to shoot on their own lawns, instead of spoiling their
+pleasure by all this fuss, she could not guess; but make a show of
+herself and her shooting, be stared at by all the world,--that she would
+never do. Nor would she make a figure of herself at the ball, and spend
+the money which she wanted very much for her poor people and her
+books, now that her court dress and London finery had eaten up such an
+unconscionable share of her allowance. Increased as it was, she had
+never felt so poor as at present; she wanted Mrs. Jameson's "Sacred and
+Legendary Art" for herself, and there were all the presents to be sent
+to the old people at Fern Torr; and should these be given up for the
+sake of appearing as the fair Anne Clifford, or some such person, for
+one evening, during which she would be feeling most especially unnatural
+and uncomfortable? No indeed! and she trusted that she had a very good
+and sufficient defence against all such foolery, in the slight mourning
+which she was wearing for one of the Marchmont connection. True, she had
+thought of leaving it off next Sunday, but no matter; it would be such
+armour as was not to be lightly parted with; and if she went to the ball
+at all, it should never, never be as the heiress of the Cliffords, but
+as the faithful mourning relation of old Mr. Thomas Marchmont, her
+second cousin once removed, whom she had never beheld in her life, and
+who would have been dead at least nine weeks by the time it took place.
+
+She said nothing about it in the drawing-room; but when they went up
+stairs, she told Caroline not to reckon upon her, for she should be in
+mourning, and could not wear a fancy dress. Caroline looked much vexed.
+"It was a great pity," she said, "and Julia Faulkner wished it to be
+all their own set. Besides, would not Marian shoot,--she who did it so
+well?"
+
+"O, no, no, I could do no such thing with all those people staring."
+
+"Not even for a silver arrow? You would be sure to win it."
+
+"I should be ashamed of the very sight of it ever after. O no! I should
+like--at least I should not mind seeing it all as a spectator, but as to
+making a part of the show, never, never, Caroline!"
+
+"Well, I know it is of no use to try to persuade you!" said Caroline,
+with a little annoyance in her tone. "Good night."
+
+Lady Julia, with her son and daughter, came to call the next day. Marian
+thought herself fortunate in not being in the drawing-room. She put on
+her bonnet, slipped out at the garden door, and walked away with a book
+in her hand, to the remotest regions of the park, where she sat down
+under a thorn-tree, and read Schiller's Thirty Years' War with a sort of
+exemplary diligence and philosophy, till it was so late that she thought
+herself perfectly secure of the Faulkners' being gone. Yet she only just
+missed them, for their carriage was driving off at one door, as she
+reached the other.
+
+"Where have you been, Marian?" was the first greeting.
+
+"I have been walking to the old thorn."
+
+"O, have you? We hunted for you everywhere in the house: we would hardly
+believe Fanny when she said you were gone out, for I knew you meant to
+walk with us."
+
+"I thought you would be engaged so long that it was not worth while to
+wait for you."
+
+"Well, but did you know you had missed the Faulkners?" said Clara.
+
+"I knew they were here."
+
+Every one understood this except Clara, and very little did it please
+Mrs. Lyddell or Caroline.
+
+"Marian," said Mrs. Lyddell, "you really must not be so absurd about
+this matter. Your mourning is nothing. You need not be wearing it even
+now; and it will annoy Lady Julia, and put her to serious inconvenience,
+if you continue to refuse."
+
+"I am sure I do not wish to inconvenience her," said Marian; "but there
+must be many young ladies who would be only too happy to take the part."
+
+"Of course," said Mrs. Lyddell, "any one else would rejoice to be asked;
+but the point is, that it is so unpleasant to admit any thing of a
+stranger into the intimacy these things occasion."
+
+"I am almost a stranger to them."
+
+"Yes, but not to us, Marian," said Clara. "You have known them as long,
+or longer than we have; and you would look so very well. Lady Julia said
+herself that such a distinguished face and figure as yours would set the
+whole thing off to advantage."
+
+Caroline well knew this was but the way to make Marian still more
+determined against it. She held her tongue through all the persuasions
+of her mother and Clara; and trusting a little, but not much, to the
+superior influence which she knew herself to possess, she followed
+Marian to her room, and began,--"Marian, are you still resolute against
+this unfortunate archery? because, if you do not really think it a
+matter of right and wrong, I should be very much obliged to you if you
+would only yield."
+
+It was not so easy to withstand Caroline speaking in this way, as Mrs.
+Lyddell almost scolding and Clara talking nonsense; but Marian had made
+up her mind, and would not let herself be shaken. "I don't think I can,"
+was her answer.
+
+"Will you say whether you really think it wrong?"
+
+"I don't know." Not her considering "I don't know," but the dry,
+provoking end-of-the-matter answer of half sullen days gone by.
+
+"If you really thought it positively wrong," proceeded Caroline, "not
+another word would I say: but I don't see how you can without condemning
+all gaeties, and that I know you do not."
+
+"I only think it a--a waste of time--a great deal of nonsense," said
+Marian, faltering for an answer; "and really I have spent so much money;
+I do not like to throw away any more."
+
+"O, you do not know how we have settled that," said Caroline, beginning
+to be hopeful now that she had something tangible to attack. "The
+dresses for the morning will be nothing,--only a white skirt and green
+polka, which will do to wear for ever after, and a little ruff, very
+pretty, and no expense at all; and a little alteration will make our
+court dresses perfectly suitable for Queen Elizabeth's ladies. You need
+not be at all afraid of being ruined."
+
+Marian saw that, though there would be many a little expense to make a
+mickle one, yet it would still only cost her Mrs. Jameson, instead of
+the gifts to the poor people; but as this was what chiefly justified
+her in her own eyes, she would not admit the conviction, and answered,
+"Those things that are altered and adapted really are as costly in the
+end as if they were new altogether. Besides, I could not, I really could
+not shoot before such an assembly."
+
+"I should so like to see you get the arrow."
+
+"O Caroline, that would be worse than anything!"
+
+"Well, then, don't get it; shoot as badly as you please: only do be kind
+and make one of us, or you will spoil the whole concern."
+
+"How can that be? What difference can my dressing up or shooting make to
+any one?"
+
+"Why, for one thing, if you are not one, as you must be, living with us
+and all, Julia will be obliged to ask that Miss Grimley; don't you know
+her?"
+
+"What, that old young lady who has been figuring in the newspaper so
+long as getting all the archery prizes?"
+
+"Yes, the veteran archer, as Elliot calls her; and Mr. Faulkner says, if
+she appears in character at all, it must be as Queen Elizabeth herself
+dancing a stately pavise to the sound of the little fiddle. She is some
+connection of theirs, and must be asked, if you will not take it; and
+she is almost as bad as Queen Elizabeth herself, and will give none of
+us any peace about the dresses, O Marian! Julia said she should esteem
+it as a real kindness from you if you would be Lady Anne, if only for
+the sake of keeping her out!"
+
+"I think it would be very absurd for a person who hates the whole
+concern to be dragged in, for the sake of keeping out one who likes it!"
+
+"Then you are still resolved? Well, I had not much expectation, but
+still I was half inclined to hope you would relent, if you did not think
+it a point of principle, when you knew that it would be a real favor to
+me."
+
+"To you, Caroline! you do not care for such trumpery."
+
+"I do care about seeing my friends mortified and vexed," said Caroline,
+mournfully.
+
+"Your friends!" exclaimed Marian, in a voice of contempt.
+
+"Yes, as much as kindness can make them."
+
+"And esteem? O Caroline!"
+
+"Kindness--readiness to oblige," repeated Caroline.
+
+"They are my friends, and I am very fond of them."
+
+Caroline went away without another word, and Marian felt that her words
+implied that she preferred readiness to oblige, to rigid, unbending
+superiority in goodness. Marian felt it, and was disappointed in
+Caroline, and pleased to have kept her determination, without asking
+herself how far it was satisfied pride in obstinacy.
+
+This was the last time for many weeks that Caroline lingered talking
+in Marian's room. The old chill had come on again. Both knew, though
+neither said so, that it was not so much because it was a display and
+expense that Marian refused, as because it was the Faulkners' party. If
+it had been Lady Marchmont's, it would have been very different. Now
+Caroline liked the Faulkners; they were all good natured, and much more
+agreeable than any others in the neighbourhood--than any, indeed, with
+whom she had yet been brought into close intercourse. She thought Marian
+was unjust and ungracious, both to them and to her; that she had been
+prejudiced from the first, and now was very decidedly making herself
+disagreeable by a rigidity in trifles, which was almost positive
+unkindness. Caroline's home, as has been shown, was neither a very
+happy, nor a very satisfactory one; so that of late she had learnt to
+look upon her brother Walter and Marian as her chief comforts, and was
+now much more hurt and disappointed at Marian's conduct than she was
+willing to show. It was particularly unfortunate just at this time, when
+there was so much to invite and gratify her at High Down, when she was
+in especial need of a true and affectionate friend and counsellor, and
+when Walter was absent, being engaged in preparing for his ordination,
+which was to take place in the course of the autumn.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was much displeased with Marian, and showed it by her
+coldness and formality; and Marian began to live more alone with
+herself, and at war with the outer world, than she had done even before
+Edmund's first visit five years ago. Caroline and Clara were a great
+deal with the Faulkners, either at High Down or at home. Clara was in a
+perfect transport at being admitted into the number of the archeresses,
+and had struck up one of her eternal friendships with Louisa, the second
+Miss Faulkner; and Marian might very fairly be provoked at seeing how
+entirely her mind was diverted from all the rationality which she and
+Caroline had been endeavouring--and as they had hoped, not without
+success--to infuse into her during the past year. To get Clara to
+settle quietly down to anything was an utter impossibility; her wisest
+employment was the study of Elizabethan costumes, her most earnest, the
+practice of archery. Now Marian always maintained that archery, on their
+own lawn, and among themselves, was a very pretty sport; and for the
+sake of consistency with her own principles, she very diligently shot
+whenever the Faulkners were not there, and did her very best, by precept
+and example, to make Clara fit her arrows to the string in her own
+direct and purpose-like way, draw the bow-string to her ear with a
+steady effort and aim, instead of a fitful jerk or twitch; and in fact
+shoot, if she was to shoot, like a sensible woman, who really intended
+damage to the target. Clara was very much obliged, and made some
+progress; but Marian thus did herself little good with any one else,
+for her love of the sport, and her excellence at it, made her spirit of
+disdain all the more marked. Clara, was again, as in former times, her
+chief friend in the family; for Marian, after the first vexation, held
+her sense too cheap to blame her for her folly. It was the fault of the
+others that she had been put in the way of what could not fail to turn
+her head; so she listened, without showing many tokens of contempt,
+to her endless histories of dear Louisa, and all the plans at High
+Down,--of the witticisms that were perpetrated, the anticipations of
+amusement and admiration, and of the tracasseries which Miss Grimley had
+not failed to occasion. Marian was often entertained, and Clara more
+than once hoped she was on the point of regretting that she was not one
+of the favoured eight; but nothing could be further from Marian's mind.
+She did not intend to absent herself either from the archery or from the
+ball, but she must wear her own character, and no other; and people
+were allowed to assume fancy dresses or not, just as suited their
+inclination, so that she was in no fear of rendering herself remarkable.
+
+Caroline and Clara were to go to High Down two days before the great
+occasion, and stay till the day after; Marian to remain at Oakworthy.
+Just before they went, Clara danced into her room, saying, "Marian, do
+you know some of the officers at Portsmouth have been asked to the ball?
+You know there is a railroad all the way. I wonder if Mr. Arundel will
+be there?"
+
+"Decidedly not," replied Marian.
+
+"What, not when he knows what an attraction there will be?"
+
+"Don't talk such nonsense, Clara; the idea of thinking a man would take
+such a journey for a ball! Well, I hope you will be very happy."
+
+"O do come and see my dress, Marian, before it is packed up; it is on
+mamma's bed, and it is so beautiful!"
+
+Marian came, and admired. Caroline was to be Amy Robsart, and Clara,
+Janet Foster; a part her mother had chosen for her, as more appropriate
+to a girl not yet come out. Certainly, Tony Foster would scarcely have
+recognized his demure little Puritan under the little lace hood,
+the purple bodice, and white skirt, at which Clara looked with such
+exultation; and Janet was further to be supposed to have taken
+possession of the Countess's orient neck-pearls, and was to wear them as
+the only ornament that could with any propriety be bestowed on her. It
+happened that Marian had a remarkably fine set of pearls. She had few
+jewels of any kind; but these had been her grandmother's, and there
+was some tradition belonging to them which no one ever could remember.
+Janet's necklace was so much less pretty, that Marian could not help
+exclaiming that Clara had better wear hers. Clara demurred, for she knew
+Marian relied on these pearls to help out a dress which had seen more
+than one London party; but it ended in Marian's having her own way, and
+being contemptuous at the gratitude with which her loan was received.
+Yet she was surprised to find that it was a relief to her that Mrs.
+Lyddell departed a little from her cold politeness, and showed herself
+really pleased and obliged.
+
+Certainly, if Mrs. Lyddell had not in some degree relaxed, those two
+days would have been very forlorn. As it was, it was very odd to sit
+down to dinner with only Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell and Elliot, and to have no
+one but Mrs. Lyddell to speak to in the drawing-room. She was glad when
+the day came, to have it over; and she was not sufficiently hard-hearted
+to regret that it was as fine as could be wished. To High Down they
+went, and everything was just as Marian had expected,--every one walked
+about and idled, and wondered when the shooting would begin; and when
+it did begin, no one paid much attention to it except those who were
+interested in some of the competitors. Marian watched her pupil
+anxiously, and Clara, between excitement and nervousness, shot much
+worse than if she had been in the garden at home, and went so wide of
+the mark, that Marian was ashamed of her. Caroline did better, but not
+well; and the prize was of course borne off by Miss Grimley, who was
+popularly reported to have arrows enough to stock the quivers of two or
+three cupids.
+
+Clara ran up to Marian, and walked with her a little while; telling her
+all that had come to pass during the last two days,--a great deal of
+bustle, and merriment, and nonsense, which Clara seemed to have enjoyed
+excessively, and of which Marian could have said, "Every one to his
+taste." Of Caroline she saw little or nothing; and after wandering
+about in the rear of Mrs. Lyddell, and exchanging a great many cold
+salutations, and colder sentences of small-talk, she was very glad to
+find herself once more in the carriage, though it was only to go home,
+dine and dress for the ball, and then High Down again.
+
+She wore white, with jet ornaments, and a row of pearls round her
+hair,--the only thing that saved her from being rather shabbily dressed
+than otherwise. However, Mrs. Lyddell had long since announced that she
+had done saying anything about Marian's dress, and Fanny had not been a
+ladies' maid long enough to grow into a tyrant; so that she had her own
+way, and no one repeated to her, what she knew full well, that her white
+silk was yellow where it swept the ground, and the lace did not stand
+out as freshly as once it did.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell and Elliot talked and laughed all the way, quizzing the
+company very sociably, and both appearing in the highest spirits. Mr.
+Lyddell was asleep in his corner; Marian with her forehead against the
+window, and her thoughts with Gerald. They reached High Down in the
+midst of a stream of carriages; and Marian, in her plain white, had to
+walk into the ball-room with Elliot, who had completed his offences in
+her eyes, by daring to assume the dress of Sir Philip Sidney. She soon,
+however, was free of him, for he liked her as little as she liked him,
+and moreover had to go and perform his part in the noted Kenilworth
+quadrille. Marian was left standing by Mrs. Lyddell, as she usually did,
+through the greater part of a ball; for as she never waltzed, there
+were few dances in which she could take a part. She had made half the
+Oakworthy neighbours afraid of her; and Mrs. Lyddell, having found that
+all activity in the way of being a useful chaperon was thrown away, had
+acquiesced in leaving her to herself, "doing her justice" sufficient by
+taking her to the ball.
+
+Marian was entertained by the pageant, as she deemed it. It was a very
+pretty scene, with so many gay dresses, in the bright light; and it was
+amusing to recognise her acquaintances in the wonderful costumes some
+of them had seen fit to assume. She would have liked some one to
+laugh with, at a shepherdess dancing, crook and all; and she highly
+appreciated a good-natured old gentleman, who was willing to do
+anything, however absurd, that could please his friends, and had come
+out as my grave Lord Keeper himself, with
+
+  "His bushy beard and shoe-strings green,
+  His high-crowned hat and satin-doublet."
+
+Caroline looked more like a beauty than she had ever seen her before.
+Her fair ringlets and white neck had a peculiar elegance, set off by the
+delicate fan-like ruff, and graceful head-gear of the Countess Amy. The
+only fault that Marian could find was, that poor Amy never could have
+looked as if she had so much mind as Caroline's countenance expressed.
+As to her partner, Marian did not behold him with very different
+feelings, from those with which she would have regarded the real Earl
+of Leicester, could she have had one peep at the actual pageant of
+Kenilworth, with its outward pomp, masking the breaking hearts beneath.
+Thereupon she fell deep into musings on "Kenilworth," which she had read
+at home, when, so young and unlearned in novels as not to have a guess
+at what would happen, when it was all a wonder and fairy-land of
+delight, and when poor Tressilian's name of Edmund had been his first
+charm in her eyes, even before she loved him for his deep character and
+melancholy fate. She thought how unlike all this common-place world was
+to the world it aped--how far these Raleighs and Sidneys were from being
+worthy to usurp the name even for one evening! and as to Tressilian, how
+impossible to see any face here that would even shadow her idea of him!
+And yet she did not know; she might have to change her mind. There
+actually was a countenance handsome, thoughtful, almost melancholy
+enough for Tressilian himself, with the deep dark eyes, pale, clear,
+sun-burnt, brown complexion, and jetty hair that befitted her hero; a
+short beard and dark dress would have completed him, but she almost
+thought it a pity that such a face should appear above a scarlet coat
+and gold epaulettes.
+
+However, Tressilian had been moving towards the end of the room where
+she was standing, and was coming so near that she could not study him
+after the first; so she turned to speak to Miss Faulkner, who had
+finished her quadrille, and just as a polka was commencing, she was
+surprised by finding Tressilian himself standing by her, and asking to
+have the honour of dancing with her.
+
+"Thank you, I don't dance the Polka," she replied; and as she spoke
+quick flashes of thought crossed her thus--"I have not been introduced
+to him--I have met him before--how horrid of Tressilian's face to talk
+of polkas--ha! it is Edmund!"
+
+Edmund Arundel's eye it was that was glancing at her with a look of
+great amusement at her bewilderment.
+
+"The next quadrille," he proceeded, in the same ceremonious voice.
+
+"O Edmund, Edmund, I did not know you in the least! Who would have
+thought of seeing you here?"
+
+"Why not? Did you not know we were asked?"
+
+"Asked? yes; but who would have come who could have helped it?"
+
+"I wanted particularly to see you." Then, after speaking to Mrs.
+Lyddell, he turned to her again, and resumed, "But am I not to have the
+pleasure of dancing the next quadrille with you?"
+
+"If it is any pleasure to you, I am sure you are very welcome."
+
+"In the mean time, what is the meaning of your not being amongst the
+performers? You used to be a capital shot."
+
+"I? O, of course I could not shoot before all the world."
+
+"Well, I was in hopes my pupil had been doing me credit; so much so,
+that I tried very hard to make that lady with the silver arrow into
+you, and--" as Marian looked at Miss Grimley's thin, freckled face, and
+reddish, sandy locks, and could not help smiling, he continued, "when
+that would not quite do, I went on trying to turn each maid of honour
+into you, till, just as I gave you up, I saw young Dashwood fixed in
+contemplation; and well he might be, for there was something so majestic
+as could be nothing but Zenobia, Queen of the East, or Miss Arundel
+herself."
+
+"Majestic! nonsense! nothing can feel less majestic."
+
+"Then decidedly you are not what you seem."
+
+"I was trying all the time to make you into Tressilian, only your red
+coat was in the way. You know I never saw you in it before."
+
+"And so you have given up archery?"
+
+"O, no! I shoot at home; only I cannot make a spectacle of myself,--I
+hate the whole thing so much."
+
+"And you would not wear a fancy dress?"
+
+"You see I am in mourning."
+
+"Why, who is dead?"
+
+"Don't you know? Old Mr. Thomas Marchmont."
+
+"Yes, and his great-grandfather likewise! Well, you certainly are
+inclined to make the most of your connection with the peerage,"
+
+"Edmund!" and for the first time Marian felt as if she had been making
+herself more foolish than magnanimous. He gave his arm and they walked
+along together. He presently began abruptly, "What I came here for was
+to consult you about a plan for Gerald. You see I shall never get at him
+unless I have him alone. Now I don't like to take him away from you for
+the holidays, but I do not see how it is to be managed otherwise."
+
+"I don't do him any good now," said Marian sadly.
+
+"What I thought of was this; I find I can get leave for two months this
+summer. Now suppose I was to take him to Marchmont's grouse shooting
+place in Scotland, and about among the Highlands and Islands. Perhaps
+the pleasure of that excursion would make up for the being carried off
+by an awful guardian, and those scrambles might bring him to the old
+footing with me."
+
+"O it would be very nice to have him with you," said Marian; "but----"
+
+"Well, what is the but?"
+
+"I don't know, only would not taking him home be more likely to revive
+old associations than anything else?"
+
+"No," answered Edmund most decidedly; then in a more hesitating manner,
+as if casting about for reasons, he added, "I mean he was at home last
+year--it would not appear so inviting as this expedition--it would be
+giving every one a great deal of trouble."
+
+"To have the Manor House set to rights--yes--but just a week at the
+Parsonage--just to revive the old feelings with you. For you to teach
+him how to behave to the Fern Torr people."
+
+"No," repeated Edmund, "it would not do."
+
+He spoke in a manner that made Marian look up in his face with surprise,
+and exclaim as if hurt, "Then you are really casting off poor old Fern
+Torr."
+
+The next moment she was sorry she had said so, for his namesake in
+"Kenilworth" could never have worn a more melancholy aspect than he, as
+he answered in a very low voice of deep feeling, "I am the last man in
+the world to be reproached with too little affection for Fern Torr."
+
+Marian was grieved, surprised, confused, but she had no time to find an
+answer, for the quadrille was forming, Edmund began a search for _vis a
+vis_, and she found herself dancing before she had made up her mind what
+she should have said if she could have replied at once; but it was too
+late to return to the subject, and she thought it best to begin entirely
+another, by asking, the next time they were standing still, how he liked
+the officers of his new regiment.
+
+"Very much, most of them," replied Edmund; "one or two are particularly
+nice people."
+
+"Do you like any as well as Captain Gresham or--"
+
+"New friends are not old ones," quickly answered Edmund.
+
+"O no, but if you knew them as well, are there any equally worthy to be
+liked? I want you to be comfortable there very much, as it is all our
+fault."
+
+"Don't say any more of that, Marian. Thank you, I am very
+comfortable--they are a very pleasant set."
+
+"Are there any of them here?"
+
+"Yes, three of them."
+
+_L'Ete_ cut short his speech, and when they paused again he began, "I
+mean you to dance with Dashwood--there that rosy tall boy standing
+partnerless behind the lady in a Swiss fly-away cap."
+
+"O I see," said Marian.
+
+"Yes, and don't be high and mighty with him."
+
+"High and mighty, when I am only shy."
+
+"Effects are seen, causes are not equally on the surface."
+
+"O Edmund!"
+
+"Well, he is a very nice right-minded boy, very shy himself; so don't
+be grand, for I have a great regard for him, and I want him to have a
+pleasant evening."
+
+Marian was considerably frightened by being told to be agreeable, the
+thing which of all others she thought the most difficult; but she would
+attempt anything for the sake of obliging Edmund, and making no answer,
+consoled herself with thinking how far off the next quadrille was. In
+the mean time, whilst she danced in the most business-like and least
+pleasure-like way possible, she was pondering on what she had to say on
+her own account to her cousin, and when the quadrille was over and he
+took her to the supper room in quest of ices, she eagerly began, "Then
+you think me wrong about my fancy dress?"
+
+"Shall I give your own favourite reply?"
+
+"Don't you think it a good thing to avoid all this folly and expense?"
+
+"And to prove Miss Arundel's lofty contempt for finery and foolery?"
+
+"I do not want to set myself up, but how am I to help thinking all this
+nonsense?"
+
+"A hard question, since no one attempts to say it is far otherwise; but
+after all, everything in this world is nonsense, except as a means of
+doing right or wrong."
+
+"And you do not think I made this nonsense a means of doing right?"
+
+"If it had been any body else, I should have admired, but I do not trust
+_you_. However I know nothing about it, I cannot judge of the amount of
+sacrifice. Cream ice or water ice?"
+
+They could not converse any more just then, and in the next polka,
+Clara, who not being come out, was not well off for partners, was
+extremely honoured and delighted by being asked to dance by Mr. Arundel.
+When the turn of a quadrille came round again, Edmund, as good as his
+word, introduced to Marian his youthful ensign, and she, dreadfully
+afraid of not obeying Edmund by being agreeable to his friend, set
+herself to talk with all her might; told him what some of the costumes
+were intended to represent, speculated as to the others, found him
+very pleasant, and ended by making him consider his friend's cousin as
+delightful as she was handsome, and he had been very much impressed with
+her countenance. She saw Edmund was well pleased to see him looking
+animated and gratified, and the consequence was that she had to dance
+with another of his brother officers, and after all it had not been by
+any means such hard work to be amiable as she was apt to imagine. At any
+rate she never liked a ball so well, but then she had never met Edmund
+at any other, which might account for it. After the last quadrille, Mrs.
+Lyddell summoned her to come home, they took their leave of Caroline and
+Clara, whom Mrs. Lyddell promised to fetch to-morrow: Lady Julia was
+particularly full of empressement and affection, delighted that dear
+Caroline had been looking so lovely. She even came out with them to the
+cloak-room, where her son was assiduous in shawling Mrs. Lyddell, and
+all manner of civilities seemed to be passing among them in a low voice,
+while Edmund having disengaged Marian's shawl from the surrounding
+drapery, said, as he put it round her, "Then it is settled that I take
+Gerald and try to do for the best?"
+
+"O if you are so kind--"
+
+"Don's trust too much to it. I will try, which is all I can do."
+
+"No one can do him any good if you cannot."
+
+"Hush! And I must thank you for taking my scolding in such good part."
+
+"I deserved it."
+
+"I have since been thinking you are probably right. I am sure you are
+in the principle of the thing. It was the particular application that
+startled me."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell moved on, the carriage was at the door, they were all in
+it, Elliot of course last, and as he threw himself back in his corner
+and the door was shut, he exclaimed in a satisfied tone, "Well! he is
+coming it pretty strong!" Who was coming what? thought Marian, but her
+suspense did not last long, for Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell both chimed in
+with exclamations of satisfaction which left no doubt that they were
+delighting themselves in the prospect of seeing Caroline mistress of
+High Down. Marian had been in some slight degree prepared for this, she
+knew Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell would highly approve, nay, consider such a
+marriage as fulfilling their highest expectations, such an establishment
+as all that could be wished; and depending as she did on Caroline's
+principle and right feeling, she was sorry to think how much vexation
+and worrying was in store for her. As she sat disregarded and forgotten
+through that long dark drive, hearing all the eager gratulations and
+anticipations of her three companions, regarding a marriage which she
+could not think of without a sort of horror, how did she despise them,
+feel imprisoned, and long to make her escape. She had not the least
+doubt as to what Caroline would do; her rejection of such a man was a
+matter of certainty; but Marian was vexed with her for having allowed
+herself to become so intimate with the Faulkners, and thought she had
+brought on herself all the annoyances that would follow.
+
+Tired, irritated, excited, Marian was very glad to escape from the
+carriage, wish the rest good night, and run up to her own room. She sat
+before her glass, slowly brushing out her long dark hair, and trying
+to bring home her feverish thoughts, and dwell on what had passed,
+especially with Edmund, on whom she had not yet had time to think, and
+of all those hints of his, as to her behaviour in this matter. Had he
+approved it or not? or would he if he had known all the circumstances?
+There was something that struck her a good deal in his saying "I cannot
+judge of the amount of sacrifice." Had it been a sacrifice to wear a
+plain dress, to abstain from archery? It would have been, to Clara, but
+was it to her? and as she looked at the two grey volumes, with their
+store of pretty engravings and pleasant reading which lay on her table,
+and thought that they were her own for life, and that Anne Clifford's
+dress would now be laid aside and useless for ever after the archery
+prize, if she had won it, would be worthless, and the admiration,
+had she valued it, passed from her ears, she could not feel, for one
+instant, that it had been a sacrifice. Then again came his words, "every
+thing in this world is nonsense, except as a means of doing right or
+wrong." Yes, pretty books, pleasant pictures, taste and intellect were
+in themselves as little precious as dress and finery, things as fleeting
+when compared with eternity, except so far as they trained the soul
+and the higher faculties which _might_ endure for ever. She thought of
+"Whether there he prophecies, they shall fail, whether there be tongues,
+they shall cease, whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away."
+All was a shadow except that charity which never faileth, a beautiful
+picture, even as a costly dress! the way we treat these things alone
+enduring. Her head throbbed as she tried to be certain as to whether she
+had acted right. If the dress had required the money set apart for the
+poor she would have been perfectly clear about it, but she knew it
+need not have done so. Would her vanity have been gratified? Decidedly
+not--admiration of her face was so distasteful to her proud shrinking
+bashfulness, that she felt it like an insult when reported to her, and
+could almost have wished not to be so handsome, if it had not been more
+agreeable to an artist-like eye to see a tolerable physiognomy in the
+glass, when obliged to look there, and besides she would not but be like
+the Arundels, and was well satisfied with the consciousness of having
+their features, as indeed she would have been if their noses had been
+turned up and their "foreheads villainous low." If _her_ vanity was
+gratified, it was by standing apart from, and being able to look down on
+the rest of the world; and as Marian became conscious of this, her mind
+turned from it with the vexation of spirit, the disgust and sensation of
+dislike, and willingness to forget all about it, that every one is apt
+to feel with regard to a vanity passed away--something analogous to the
+contempt and dislike with which we turn from the withered shreds of
+tangible vanity, faded and crumpled artificial flowers, and tumbled
+gauze ribbon when disinterred from some dusty and forgotten corner. No
+feeling is much more unpleasant than the loathing of an old vanity; and
+though this of Marian's was not yet old, yet that touch of Edmund's
+which had shown her how he regarded her "high-and-mightiness," had made
+her very much ashamed of it. Then came the question whether it was,
+after all, self-will that had actuated her, pride and self-will, leading
+her contrary to every one's wishes, where she was not sure that she was
+fulfilling a duty. Again, on the other hand, there was this point about
+the Faulkner family, her dislike to them was founded on principle;
+indeed it was not dislike, for she allowed their agreeableness of
+manner, it was disapproval; it was determination not to enter into
+anything approaching to intimate acquaintance with a man whom she
+believed to be little better than an infidel. If Edmund knew this, would
+not he think her right? But then to be consistent, she should not have
+accepted his hospitality in any degree; she ought not to have gone to
+the ball, nor ever to have dined at his house. How far was she called on
+to set her face against him, how far was she independent, how far was
+obedience to the Lyddells a duty? This must be for a question for Edmund
+another time, and she hoped that Caroline's refusal would put an end
+to the intercourse. Nor were these all her reflections. She thought of
+Edmund and his kindness to Gerald, and the hopes, nay the confidence
+which it revived in her, setting her mind fully at rest about her
+precious brother, for in spite of Edmund's despondency, she could not
+help trusting entirely to the renewal of his influence; for who was
+like Edmund? Who so entirely treated, as well as spoke of, the world as
+nothing except as a means of doing right or wrong?
+
+But then that he should be out of spirits, as she had more plainly than
+ever perceived to-night, in spite of the gaiety he had at first assumed,
+his manner of replying when she pressed him to go to Fern Torr, and his
+absolute avoidance of it, struck and puzzled her much as well as grieved
+her. She knew his loneliness, and could understand that he might be
+melancholy, but why he should shrink from the home he so loved was
+beyond what she could fathom.
+
+She knew Clara would laugh at her for his having come so many miles on
+her account. Yes, quite sure that it was nonsense. Edmund had talked
+of coming to see her, so openly, he had laughed at and blamed her so
+uncompromisingly, that she had no doubt that he had not the least
+inclination to fall in love with her. She had the best of elder brothers
+in him, and he would take care of Gerald, and, happy in her confidence
+she fell asleep.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+  "What is that which I should turn to, lighting upon days like these?
+  Every door is barr'd with gold and opens but to golden keys.
+         *       *       *       *       *
+  "Yearning for the large excitement that the coming years would yield,
+  Eager hearted as a boy when he first leaves his father's field."
+
+  TENNYSON.
+
+
+Marian was not up much later than usual the next morning, but she had
+a long time to wait for the rest of the party. She read, wrote, drew,
+tried to busy herself as usual all the morning, but whether it was that
+she was tired with her ball, or that she was anxious about Caroline,
+she did not prosper very much, and grew restless and dissatisfied. She
+wished she knew whether she had done right, she wished she could feel
+that she had been kind and accommodating.
+
+Her head was dull and heavy from the struggle to occupy herself when her
+mind was full, and after luncheon she tried to drive her stupidity away
+by a very long ride. Groom and horses were always at her service, as a
+part of Mrs. Lyddell's justice to her, and off she set, in search of
+breezes, to the highest and furthest downs, by her attainable. On she
+went, cantering fast, feeling her power over her spirited pony, letting
+the summer sun shine full on her face, and the wind, when she had ridden
+where she could meet it, stream in a soft ripple round her head, like
+the waves of the summer tide. She rode far enough to attain the object
+she had proposed to herself, namely, to look down on Salisbury spire,
+pointing up in its green valley with the fresh meadows around it, giving
+a sense of refreshment, repose and holy influence, which her eye carried
+to her mind. Good men had raised that pile, had knelt there, sung
+in praise there, and now lay asleep within its grey walls and shady
+cloisters; men and women who had been to the full as much wearied and
+perplexed with sin and worldliness around them as she could ever feel;
+they had struggled through, their worn and fainting hearts had rested
+there, and now their time of peace was come. Why should it not be so
+with her?
+
+Ah! but things were changed; in their time there was energy; there were
+great crimes indeed, but the Church was active. The bad was very bad,
+but the good was very good, there were real broad questions then of
+right and wrong, not the coldness and frivolity, where all was so
+worthless that there was scarce a possibility of caring or seeing which
+part was the right.
+
+No, Marian would not accuse the time in which she was born, and the
+station to which it had pleased God to call her. Mr. Wortley had warned
+her against that. She had a Church, the one true holy Catholic Church,
+as surely and truly, nay, the very same that those men of old had, and
+was as much bound to love it, serve it, fight for it in her own way, as
+ever they had felt themselves. Life, truth, goodness, there was still,
+she saw it, knew it, felt it in some; and though there was little of it
+in her immediate home, so little as to make her heart faint, she knew
+that
+
+  "Israel yet has thousands sealed
+  Who to Baal never kneeled."
+
+If there was this frivolity, this deadness and chilliness about these
+present days, she knew it was a temptation long since prophesied of, as
+about to grow on the world "when, the love of many should wax cold," but
+the help and the hope were never to fail, and while she might but grasp
+after them, she had enough to do, and need not feel faint and weary.
+
+Her ride had done her good, her sensation of bodily lassitude and mental
+stupidity had been driven off by the active exercise which had produced
+a more wholesome kind of fatigue, and the temper which tended to
+discontent had partly gone with them, partly been chased away by
+reflection in a right spirit. As she was entering the park, Elliot, also
+on horseback, came up in time to profit by the same opening of the gate.
+
+"Are you but just come home, Marian?" said he, "I thought I was very
+late."
+
+"I don't know what o'clock it is, but I see the sun is getting low."
+
+"Have not you been at High Down?"
+
+"No, I have been to Beacon Hill."
+
+"To Beacon Hill! That _is_ a ride! And you have not seen any of them
+since they came home?"
+
+"No, I have been out all the afternoon."
+
+"Well, I have a notion you will have something to hear. I dare say you
+have some idea. Catch a young lady not up to a thing like that."
+
+A cold horror and disgust came over Marian, and she would not make a
+single inquiry, but Elliot went on.
+
+"So you will ask no questions? I believe you are in the secret the whole
+time."
+
+"No, I am not."
+
+"No? You will never persuade me that you are not. Why, what else can you
+ladies sit up half the night talking about in your bed rooms?"
+
+Marian despised him too much to deny.
+
+"Then do you really mean to profess," said Elliot, turning full towards
+her, so as to look her in the face in what she deemed an impertinent
+way, "that you cannot guess the news that is waiting for you?"
+
+For once in her life she could not say "I don't know," and her answer
+was a very cold "I believe I do;" while in the meantime she was almost
+feeling, and quite looking, as if she could have cut off his bead. His
+disagreeableness was the one present pain, but behind it was undefined
+consternation, for she perceived that, at any rate, he did not think
+Caroline had refused Mr. Faulkner.
+
+"You keep your congratulations till it is formally announced," said he
+maliciously, still looking at her, though few save himself could have
+failed to be abashed by the firm, severe expression of her dark eyes,
+and lips compressed into all the sternness of the Queen of Olympus.
+
+Happily they were so close to the house that Marian, who would not deign
+a reply, could avoid him without absolute rudeness. She threw her rein
+to the groom, and sprung to the ground before Elliot had time to offer
+his assistance, then ran hastily across the hall just as Clara was
+coming out of the drawing-room.
+
+"Why, Elliot!" cried Clara meeting her brother, "you have not been
+riding with Marian?"
+
+"With Marian? No, I thank you! I only met with her at the gate, and have
+been spoiling your market."
+
+"You don't mean that you have been telling her?" cried Clara; "O I
+wanted to have been first."
+
+"Precious little thanks you'll get!" said Elliot; but Clara, without
+attending to him, flew up stairs after Marian, who had reached her room,
+and while Fanny was endeavouring to get her dressed in time for dinner,
+was trying to collect her dismayed thoughts. She would not believe
+Caroline so foolish, nay, so wicked as to accept him, yet if it could
+possibly be true, what in the world should she say or do which way
+should she look, or how should she answer? In the midst of her first
+confusion in danced Clara, with a face full of delight at having
+something to tell, then looking blank at Fanny's presence.
+
+"Marian--my dear Marian--what do you think?" was her first eager
+beginning, then changing into "How--how late you are--where have you
+been! I really thought you had been out with Elliot," and she laughed.
+
+"I only fell in with him at the gate. I have been to Beacon Hill."
+
+"Have you indeed? O I wish you had come with mamma! So Elliot has
+been provoking, and told you," she added, stopping there, and looking
+significant.
+
+Marian glanced at Fanny, and shook her head. She was very glad she had
+such a protector, to give her time to collect her thoughts, but this was
+not easy, for Clara went rattling on in an eager discursive way about
+all sorts of things, the archery, the dancing, the partners, the
+dresses, hardly knowing what she said, nor Marian either, fidgeting
+about, trying to expedite the dressing, and looking most impatient, till
+at last Marian, anxious to know what had really taken place, pitying her
+eagerness, and willing to have it over, hurried the fastening of her
+dress, and arranging of her lace, and told Fanny to leave them.
+
+"O Marian! Marian! what a shame of Elliot to have told you all about it.
+Did you expect it?"
+
+"He only half told me," replied Marian, "but make haste, Clara, let me
+hear. Is Caroline really engaged?"
+
+"Yes--yes--O yes! and every one is so delighted, Lady Julia, and Julia
+and Louisa, and all!"
+
+"And she has accepted him?"
+
+"O yes to be sure--at least--yes, only you know it is too soon to settle
+when they will be married. What a charming wedding it will be, won't
+it, Marian?--you and I find Julia and Louisa, and their cousins will be
+bridesmaids O! how delightful it will be. And then I shall come out."
+
+"But Clara, Clara, don't be wild, do tell me all about it."
+
+"Ah! you see you missed something by not coming to stay there as we did.
+And to tell you a great secret, Marian, Louisa says she really believes
+that it was you that her brother thought of, when he first accepted
+Elliot's invitation to come and stay here."
+
+"Nonsense," said Marian, though her colour would rise.
+
+"And he had not seen Caroline then, Louisa says," proceeded Clara, but
+there she got into an inextricable confusion, and was not speedy in
+stammering out of it, having suddenly remembered that it was no great
+compliment to tell Marian that Louisa had said how glad they all were
+that it was not Miss Arundel. Marian cut the hesitation short by saying,
+"You have not told me when it was settled, or how you heard it."
+
+"It was settled last night after you were gone--in the conservatory--
+such a pretty place for a love affair, as Louisa says--at least I mean
+he asked her, but I don't think she gave him any real regular answer--
+no, certainly she did not."
+
+"Did you know of it that evening?"
+
+"O yes, Louisa and I had great fun in watching him all day, and all the
+day before, we saw it all quite plain."
+
+"But did Caroline tell you that night?"
+
+"Yes, of course she did. She could not have kept it from me, you know,
+for I began to laugh at her the minute we came up, and asked her if she
+had not been delightfully employed, and you should have seen what a
+colour she grew directly."
+
+"And what did she say?" asked Marian very anxiously, almost hoping it
+might prove that Caroline's acceptance might have been taken for granted
+without having been really given.
+
+"I don't exactly remember what she said, she was very grave and said it
+was no laughing matter, or something of that kind, and she walked up and
+down and begged me to be quiet and let her think."
+
+"Well!"
+
+"Then I begged her only to let me know if he had proposed, and what she
+had said, and she told me she had said nothing--she could not tell--she
+must have time, and then she leant her head against the side of the bed,
+and said she wished she knew what to do! And when I tried to cheer her
+up, and said how delightful it would be----"
+
+"O Clara, how could you?" broke from Marian.
+
+"Ah! I know you can't bear the Faulkners, but you must now, for they
+will be your cousins, you know, Marian. And I assure you I did not say
+anything silly, I said it was not only that Mr. Faulkner is handsome and
+rich, that would not be anything, you know, but he is so sensible and so
+agreeable, and kind, and good tempered, and we are all so fond of him,
+and the Faulkners all so fond of her, and it would be so very nice to
+have her close to us, and mamma would be so charmed. Well, poor dear
+girl, she did not sleep at all that night, and this morning she only
+wanted, if she could, to have sent a note for us to be sent for to come
+home to breakfast, but that could not be, you know, and when we came
+down, Lady Julia was so kind and affectionate, and kissed her and said
+she was tired, and took her to lie on the sofa, in the little boudoir.
+Lady Julia sat with her there first, and then Mr. Faulkner came, and
+stayed with her a long, long time."
+
+"O!" sighed Marian, "was it settled then?"
+
+"Not exactly settled, but somewhere about three o'clock, Mr. Faulkner
+ordered his horse, and rode out to find papa, and then Caroline ran up
+to our room, and bolted the door, and said she could not let me in,
+but just then mamma came and went up to her, and it was all joy and
+congratulation through the whole house. Mr. Faulkner came back and papa
+with him. But dear me, there is the second bell! Come, Marian! O, I do
+so wish you had been there."
+
+If Marian had been there, perhaps things would not have been exactly as
+they were at present, though this was very far from what Clara intended
+by her wish. Marian had done infinite mischief by the severity which had
+weakened the only home influence excepting Walter's which held Caroline
+to the right. Caroline respected her extremely, but the confidence and
+affection which had been growing up slowly but surely out of that root
+of esteem, had been grievously dulled and blighted, and at a most
+critical time. It had in fact been almost killed down to the ground, and
+though the root was a healthy one, and might yet shoot forth again,
+the opportunity had been missed when it might have been turned to good
+account.
+
+Caroline knew Mr. Faulkner not to be a religious man, and her better
+principles warned her against him; but on the other hand she really
+liked his manners extremely, her heart was warmed towards him by his
+preference and expressions of affection, and she did not know whether
+she loved him already or not, or whether she should allow herself to
+love him, as he was sure she could do. She had been used to a world
+where the service of GOD was not the first object; she had always lived
+with men whose thoughts and time were otherwise engrossed, and though
+she might regret what she saw, her standard had been lowered, and she
+was far less inclined to hold aloof front one whom her conscience did
+not approve, than if she had been accustomed to see everything desirable
+in her own family; in those whom nature and duty obliged her to love and
+respect.
+
+By the Faulkners she was greeted with such kindness as to win her heart,
+and she thought the power she would enjoy at High Down would enable her
+to set things on a footing there, on which she could never place them at
+home; she could not fail to be happy with Mr. Faulkner; she might work
+upon his mind, if he loved her as he said he did. Still there stood the
+great unanswerable obstacle, the three words, "It is wrong!" If she
+stood alone, if there was no family on either side, she could, she would
+refuse, but dismay seized on her when she thought of the displeasure,
+the persecution at home if she rejected him; on the other hand she
+shrank from ingratitude for the kindness of the Faulkners. There was
+Clara putting her in mind of all that could bias her in his favour,
+rejoicing already, saying how all the family would rejoice.
+
+O that interval, that night! if Marian had but stood there with the
+grave, earnest, heartfelt voice that repelled all sophistry with the
+wonted "I don't know," if the dark eyes had been there to look with
+contempt on all but the "right," and to fill with tears, the more
+touching because so rare, as her tenderness, her deep feeling would
+have been called out by the sensation of seeing and aiding a friend to
+struggle nobly against a temptation, if Caroline had felt and seen the
+superiority, the loveableness of real, true, uncompromising regard for
+right, and right alone, if she had been by one touch made to partake
+of the horror Marian felt of any failure in faith, then all the innate
+strength and nobleness of her character might have been awakened, and
+she would have clung to "the right" at any cost, supported, carried
+through by Marian's approval and sympathy, keeping her up to feel that
+higher approval was with her.
+
+But alas! alas! Marian was at a distance, and her image had at present
+connected itself with harshness and haughtiness. She might be good;
+but such goodness did not invite imitation; she did not appear half as
+agreeable as the Faulkners. Caroline turned away from the recollection
+of her, was all night and all the morning distressed, undecided, and
+vacillating; then came Lady Julia's affection, her lover pressing his
+suit, she hardly knew what she had said, but she found her consent
+was assumed, both families were rejoicing in it, she found herself
+considered to be engaged, and she returned home bewildered at all that
+had passed, flattered, almost intoxicated with the attention of various
+kinds paid her by every one, at High Down, and when her wonted dread of
+Marian's disapproving eye would return, hardening herself against it
+with the thought that Marian could not make every one as Utopian as
+her own Edmund and Fern Torr, that she was proud and determined in
+prejudice, and after all what right had she to interfere? Of Walter,
+Caroline did not dare to think.
+
+Marian came down with Clara, wearing a rigid company countenance,
+expressing more of indifference than of anything else; she would not
+look at Caroline lest her eye should seem to judge her, and only by
+furtive glances perceived that she looked pale, worn and wearied. There
+was talk about the ball going on all dinner-time, but Caroline hardly
+put in a word, and Marian's were not many. Directly after dinner
+Caroline said she was tired, and should lie down till tea-time; she went
+and Mrs. Lyddell, taking Marian by the hand, exclaimed, "Now, Marian, I
+must be congratulated. I suppose Clara has told you all about it."
+
+"Yes, Clara told me," said Marian, resolved not to offend except where
+she could not avoid it without sacrificing truth.
+
+"You could scarcely be surprised," said Mrs. Lyddell. "It has been
+evident for a long time. Dear Caroline! Well, I am sure this is a
+satisfaction! Settled so near home, and family and connection exactly
+what could be wished; and so extremely fond of her."
+
+"Yes, Lady Julia is very fond of her."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was too much rejoiced herself not to take sympathy for
+granted. The point, on which Caroline's scruples were founded, and which
+caused Marian's dislike, had never even occurred to her: she lived
+little, or rather not at all, in Marian's confidence, and really did not
+know that she disliked the Faulkners more than any one else, since her
+manners were so universally distant, that a little ungraciousness more
+or less was not very visible to a casual observer like Mrs. Lyddell.
+That same ordinary coldness and undemonstrativeness which had never
+thawed to Mrs. Lyddell was the reason that the entire absence of any
+expression of gladness or congratulation was not remarked, or at least
+only taken as her way, and besides at the bottom of her heart, Mrs.
+Lyddell was very much obliged to Marian for the repelling manner which
+had left the field to her daughter. So Marian got very well through
+half an hour's interview, without giving offence; but she feared the
+_tete-a-tete_ with Caroline, and resolved as much as possible to avoid
+it, since she could do no good, and did not think it right to express
+her sentiments unless they were positively called for. Disappointed in
+Caroline, grieved, giving her up for lost, yet loving and pitying her,
+she had rather never meet her again, certainly not have any confidential
+intercourse with her.
+
+She need not have feared: Caroline was quite as much inclined to avoid
+her as she could be to avoid Caroline; by mutual consent they shunned
+being left alone together, and talked of indifferent matters if they
+were, for there was not familiarity enough for silence. When with the
+others Caroline was the same as usual, lively, agreeable, obliging;
+perhaps, and Marian thought it strange, a shade gayer than her wont. In
+her behaviour to Mr. Faulkner every one agreed that she was exactly the
+right thing, quiet and sensible, and, as people said, "evidently so very
+much attached to him." Marian would have given worlds to know what was
+passing in her secret soul, but the right of reading there was gone.
+What did Walter think? To this also there was no answer; if he wrote,
+Marian heard nothing about his letter, and he did not come home. He was
+to be ordained in the autumn to a curacy in a large manufacturing town
+in the north of England, and in the meantime he was staying there with
+one of the other curates, helping in the schools, and learning something
+of the work before him. There was not a doubt in Marian's mind that his
+sister's engagement must be a great sorrow to him, and that this was the
+reason why he would not come home, even for a short visit. For Caroline,
+so really good, right thinking and excellent as she was, so far above
+the general tone of her family, wilfully to place herself in such a
+situation, to cast away all the high and true principles with which she
+had once been imbued, was too sad and grievous to be borne by one who
+loved her as Marian, did all the time, and how much worse it must be for
+her brother?
+
+Yes, little did most of those who saw Marian's unmoved, marble
+countenance, and heard her stiff, formal words, guess at the intensity
+of feeling beneath, which to those who knew her best was betokened by
+that very severity; how acutely she was suffering for the future before
+Caroline, how strong were the impulses to plead with her once more, how
+sick and loathing her heart felt at the manner in which this hateful
+connection was treated by all around. If that reserve could, or ought
+to, have been broken, Marian would have astonished them all.
+
+If her former anxieties about Gerald had been as of old, she really did
+not know how she could have endured them in addition to all this; but
+while she was at ease about him nothing could quite overwhelm her. And
+she was very happy about him; Mr. Lyddell had readily consented to the
+Highland plan, and Gerald was so enchanted that he forgot all his former
+fears of Edmund, saw in him only a fellow-sportsman, and when he wrote
+to tell his sister of the project, decorated his letter with a portrait
+of the holidays, every one of the thirty-seven days represented in a
+sort of succession of clouds one behind the other, in each of which
+Gerald was doing something delightful,--boating, shooting, bagging his
+game, and enjoying an infinite variety of sports, the invention and
+representation of which did considerable credit to his ingenuity. On the
+very day after the Eton election, he met Edmund in London, and they set
+off together to spend the time before the ecstatic twelfth of August in
+visits to the Trosachs, to Fingal's cave and every other Scottish wonder
+of note.
+
+Lionel returned alone, and the first thing he said as he skimmed his hat
+across the hall table was, "There! thank goodness, I shan't touch a book
+again these five weeks!" Every one asked after his eyes, but they told
+their own story, for they were considerably inflamed, and so evidently
+out of order that Mrs. Lyddell herself grew anxious, and the apothecary,
+Mr. Wells, was sent for. He spoke of their having been over tried by the
+school work, advised complete rest, and sent his mixture to bathe them,
+which in a day or two reduced the inflammation, made them comfortable,
+and restored them to their ordinary appearance, so that all anxiety
+passed off again.
+
+Marian, like the others, dismissed the fear, though a flash of
+apprehension now and then crossed her mind. She was more with Lionel
+than the others, they had always been great allies, and at present were
+more thrown together than had ever been the case before. Johnny had been
+appointed to a ship which was to sail from Plymouth in a very short
+time, and he only came home for two or three days, from the school where
+he had been prepared. Mr. Lyddell took him to London for his outfit, and
+then on to Plymouth; Mrs. Lyddell was extremely overset, more so than
+Marian had thought her capable of being, for Johnny was her favourite,
+she regarded him as a victim, and could not bear to expose him to all
+the perils of sea and climate.
+
+Johnny however went to Plymouth, and then there was nothing to be
+desired but that he should soon sail, that his mother might settle her
+mind, for in the mean time she was nervously anxious and restless,
+and could scarcely give her attention to anything, not even to the
+Faulkners, far less to what Marian was observing from time to time about
+Lionel's eyes.
+
+Now that John and Gerald were away, Lionel was deprived of his wonted
+companions: Elliot did not patronize him, and was besides too busy about
+the races to occasion on his own account any home sports in which Lionel
+might have taken a share, so that there was no companionship for him
+excepting with the young ladies. Caroline's and Clara's time was a great
+deal taken up with the Faulkners, and Marian and Lionel were thus left
+out by all and almost obliged to make a coalition.
+
+Lionel haunted the drawing-room in the morning, either talking in the
+half-rhodomontade, half-in-earnest fashion of boys of sixteen, or
+listening if there was any reading aloud going forward. Clara's readings
+with Marian and Caroline had well-nigh fallen to the ground now, and
+Caroline almost always spent the morning in her own room, but Marian now
+and then caught Clara and managed to get her to do something rational.
+More often, however, the reading was on Marian's part to Lionel; he
+liked to hear her read scraps of any book she might have in hand, and
+she was very merciful to him in the selection, not being by any means
+too wise. She read him likewise the new numbers of the periodical tales,
+as well as the particulars of the rowing matches and cricket matches,
+overcoming for his sake her dislike to touching Elliot's sporting
+newspaper. Indeed she had not so forgotten her cricket as not to be very
+much interested, to enter into all his notes and comments, and to be as
+anxious for the success of Eton as he was himself, so that if she had
+been called to give an account of her whole morning's work for three
+days, she could have said nothing of it but that she had been studying
+the matches at Lord's.
+
+In the afternoon, if Marian could escape from the drive in the carriage,
+they walked or rode together, the latter when it was not too bright a
+day, for Lionel avoided the sunshine like an owl; and when in their
+walks a sunny field, or piece of down had to be passed, he drew his hat
+down and came under the shelter of Marian's parasol, as if he fairly
+dreaded the glare. He was very apt too not to recognise people whom they
+met, and now and then made such strange mistakes about small objects
+near at hand, that though they were laughed at just at the moment,
+Marian thought them fearful signs when she recollected them afterwards,
+in that half-waking half-sleeping time when she had learnt to entertain
+herself with anxieties. Chess or backgammon was the great resource in
+the evening, when there was no dining out, and no grand dinner party,
+and the number of games Marian played with him were beyond all
+reckoning. He played, she thought, more by the touch than the eye, often
+feeling the head of a piece to satisfy himself whether it had the king's
+crown or the queen's round head, the bishop's mitre or the knight's
+ears, but he was so quick and ready that it was impossible to tell how
+far the defect of sight went, and she could not bear to ask or awaken
+his fears.
+
+She did not think he had any; she did not believe that he had ever seen
+quite as well as other people, and therefore trusted to sight less than
+most; and his eyes had been so often ailing, and then better, that he
+was not likely to take alarm now. If he had, she believed he would have
+told her, for he was very confidential with her, and she often thought
+it a great pity that no one else had thought it worth while to enter
+into him enough to find out what a right-thinking, sensible boy he was,
+and how affectionate he would be if they would only let him. One day,
+when they had been taking a long ride together, he began talking about
+his intentions for the future. It arose out of some observation about
+the value of a tree in a new and an old country. Marian had been
+lamenting that no modern houses were ever built with the beautiful
+patterns of dark timbers, as we see them in old farm-houses; and Lionel
+answering that so much wood could never be afforded in England now.
+
+"No, you must go to a primeval forest for that," said Marian; "and very
+stupid it is of the people in the colonies to build houses as bad or
+worse than ours, when they have all the materials for nothing."
+
+"Well, I will build a famous house when I emigrate," said Lionel; "a
+regular model of an old English farm-house it shall be,--stout, and
+strong, and handsome,--just to put the people in mind that they do
+belong to an old country, after all."
+
+"When you emigrate, Lionel?"
+
+"Yes, I really have a great mind to do so, seriously, Marian," and he
+rode nearer to her. "I do think it would be the best thing I could do.
+Don't you think so?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, considering, while his eager face was
+turned towards her.
+
+"You see," Lionel continued, "we must all do something for ourselves;
+and I am sure my eyes will never be fit for study. To be a clergyman is
+out of the question for me, even if I was good enough; and so is the
+law--"
+
+"Yes, yes, certainly."
+
+"Well, then, there is only the army, and there one can't get on without
+money. Now you know Elliot has been a monstrous expense to my father of
+late, and the times have grown so bad, and everything altogether has
+gone wrong; so that I think the only thing for it would be for me to go
+off to some new part of the world, where, when I once had a start, my
+own head and hands would maintain me,--no thanks to anybody."
+
+"I dare say it would," said Marian, rather sadly, "I am sure these are
+right grounds, Lionel; but it is a terrible severing of all home ties."
+
+"O, but I should come back again. I should be an Englishman still, and
+come back when I had made my fortune."
+
+"O, Lionel, don't be in a hurry to make a fortune; that spoils every
+one."
+
+"No, no, I am not going to grasp and grub for money; I hate that. Only
+if the fortune comes, one does not know how, with cattle, or horses, or
+lands--O, Marian, think of being an Australian stockman, riding after
+those famous jockeys of wild bulls--hurra!" Lionel rose in his stirrups,
+and flourished his whip round his head, so as greatly to amaze his
+steed. "There is a life to lead in a great place bigger than all Europe,
+instead of being stifled up in this little bit of a poky England, every
+profession choke full of people!"
+
+"Well done, Lionel, you do want a field indeed!"
+
+"So I do. I hate to be fenced up, and in, every way. I should like to
+break out in some fresh place, and feel I had all the world before me!
+Then I'll tell you what, Marian," and he spoke with infinite relish,
+"suppose matters got a little worse here, and they were all of them
+really in distress!"
+
+"O Lionel!"
+
+"Well, but listen. Then I should like to come home with all this fortune
+that I had made somehow, and get them all on their legs again; buy back
+the estate, perhaps, and give it to papa again; and then--and then"--his
+voice quivered a little, and his eyes winked, as if the sun had dazzled
+them--"see if mamma would not think me worth something, after all!"
+
+This was the only time Lionel had ever said a word to show that he was
+conscious of his mother's disregard of him; and the feeling it called up
+made Marian's heart so full that she could not reply. But he wanted no
+answer, and went on. "Would not that be worth living for, Marian? But,
+after all, that is all nonsense," he added, with a sigh; "at least it is
+all a chance. But what I really think is, that I should do much better
+for myself and every one else, in one of the colonies; and I have a
+great mind to speak to my father about it. By the by, I wish Mr. Arundel
+would come here when he has finished his journey with Gerald; I should
+like to talk to him about the Cape. I rather fancy the Cape, because of
+the lions; and one might have a chance of a row now and then with the
+Caffres."
+
+Marian began telling all she could about the Cape, and from that time
+her _tete-a-tetes_ with Lionel were chiefly spent in discussions upon
+the comparative merits of the colonies. One thing Lionel was resolved
+on. "I will go somewhere where there is a Church within a tolerable
+distance,--say twenty miles; that is a short one for a colony, you know,
+Marian; for I know I am such a wild fellow, that I should very soon
+forget everything good, if I had not something to put me in mind of it.
+Or, by the by, Marian, what would be jolly would be to get Walter to go;
+I dare say he would, if it was some place where they were very badly off
+indeed, with plenty of natives, and all very savage."
+
+Marian understood quite well enough, to agree that it must be some place
+"very badly off indeed" to invite Walter, and Lionel greatly enjoyed the
+further arranging of plans for taking care of his intended chaplain,
+whom he meant to save from roughing it as much as possible. However,
+this might be regarded as a very aerial pinnacle of his castle, the
+first foundation of which was yet to be laid, by broaching the subject
+to his father. Lionel talked over the proposing it many times with his
+counsellor, and at length resolved upon it, with some slight hope that
+it might save his eyes from the suffering of another half year at Eton,
+which, as the holidays came nearer to an end, he began to dread.
+
+"You see, Marian," he said, "I do not like to give out, when I can help
+it, for they think it shirking, and there was a time when I did shirk;
+but a great many times last half, I was nearly mad with the aching and
+smarting of my eyes after I had been reading. And all I did was by bits
+now and then; for if I went on long the letters danced, and there was a
+mist between me and them."
+
+"I wish you would tell Mr. Lyddell; I am sure it is not fit to go on in
+such a way."
+
+"I have told Wells," answered Lionel.
+
+A pause--then Lionel said, "I believe papa is in the library; I'll go
+and speak to him about the emigration."
+
+Marian was very anxious to hear the result of the conference, but she
+could not find out anything just at first as she had to drive out with
+Mrs. Lyddell and Caroline to make calls. In the evening, over the game
+at chess, Lionel told her that his father said he should talk to his
+mother about it; and two days after he came to her in the hall, saying,
+"Come and take a turn in the plantation walk, Marian; 'tis nice and
+shady there, and I have something to tell you."
+
+The something was as follows: "Well, Marian, my father was very kind,
+paid something about its being a sensible notion, and that he would see
+about it."
+
+"But are you to go back to Eton?"
+
+"Yes, that must be; and I must scramble on as best I may. It will be
+better at first, after all this rest. It is something gained that the
+whole plan is not knocked on the head at once."
+
+"Then he gives his consent?"
+
+"Why, he says it will be time to think of it in a year or two, and I
+am too young as yet, which is true enough; only, I wish I was to be
+learning farming, instead of torturing my eyes with what will be no good
+out there. Then he said, as to giving up the army, I need not think that
+was necessary, because it was only that he did not want to have two
+sons in it, and now Johnny is otherwise disposed of; and, besides Mr.
+Faulkner had behaved in such a handsome way about Caroline's fortune.'
+
+"O!" said Marian.
+
+"Yes, I don't like that at all," said Lionel. "Johnny always was crazy
+to be a sailor, so he is all right, and that is not what I care for; but
+I don't want to be beholden to Mr. Faulkner. I had rather Caroline had
+her own money, and not that we should all profit by her making this
+grand marriage."
+
+"I should quite feel with you."
+
+"Marian, we have never talked that over; but I know you cannot bear the
+Faulkners."
+
+"What is the use of asking me, Lionel?"
+
+"O, I know you can't, as well as if you had said so; and I want to know
+how you could let Caroline go and do such a thing?"
+
+"I? How could I help it?" said Marian smiling, at the boy's assuming
+that she had power of which she was far from being conscious. "Besides,
+I thought you liked Mr. Faulkner; you, all of you, did nothing but
+praise him at Christmas."
+
+"I did at first, not at last," said Lionel. "Besides, liking a man to go
+out shooting with is not the same as liking him to marry one's sister."
+
+"By no means!" cried Marian, emphatically. "But what made you think ill
+of him?"
+
+"Things I heard him say to Elliot when we were out together."
+
+"Did Gerald hear them?" asked Marian, very anxiously, as she remembered
+what a hero Mr. Faulkner was in her brother's estimation.
+
+"No, I don't think he did. He certainly was not there the worst time of
+all,--the time that gave a meaning to all the rest. Don't you remember
+that day when Mr. Faulkner drove Elliot and me in his dog-cart to look
+at that horse at Salisbury? I am sure I never praised him after that
+day. He said what Elliot never would have said himself--never."
+
+"How?" Marian could not help asking, though she doubted the next moment
+whether it was wise to have done so.
+
+"Things about--about religion--the Bible," said Lionel, looking down and
+mumbling, as if it was with difficulty that he squeezed out the answer.
+"Now, you know, I have heard," he added, speaking more freely, "I have
+heard people make fun with a text or a name out of the Bible many a
+time; and though that is very bad of them, I think they don't mean much
+harm by it. Indeed, I have now and then done it myself, and should
+oftener, if I had not known how you hated it."
+
+"It is a very wrong thing," but I see what you mean,--that some people
+do it from want of thought."
+
+"Yes, just so; but that is a very different thing from almost quizzing
+the whole Bible,--at least talking as if it was an absurd thing to
+accept the whole of it, I do declare, Marian, he was worse when he began
+to praise it than he was before; for he talked of the Old Testament as
+if it was just like the Greek mythology, and then he compared it to
+Homer, and AEschylus, and the Koran. To be sure he did say it was
+better poetry and morality; but the idea of comparing it! I don't mean
+comparing as if it must be better, but as if it stood on the same
+ground."
+
+"And did Elliot listen to all this?" said Marian, thinking the poison
+must have been in rather too intellectual a form for Elliot.
+
+"He listened," said Lionel. "I don't think he would ever set up to say
+such things for himself; but I believe he rather liked hearing them
+said. I am quite sure this Faulkner will make him worse than he is
+already, for all this talk is a hundred times worse than going on in
+Elliot's way."
+
+"To be sure it is--a thousand times!"
+
+"But what I want to know is this, Marian? has Caroline got any notion
+of what sort of a man she has got? Because if she does it with her eyes
+open, it can't be helped; but if not, I think she ought to be warned;
+for I don't suppose the man is fool enough to talk in this way to her.
+Indeed, I think I heard him say that believing is all very well for
+women."
+
+"Why don't you tell her, then?"
+
+"That is the very thing I had on my mind all these holidays; but I know
+no one would ever listen to me. If Walter was here it would be a very
+different thing, for he is worth attending to, and Caroline knows that;
+though she thinks I have no sense at all but for mischief."
+
+"She could not think so, if she heard you speak as you do now."
+
+"Then there is another thing, Marian, and what makes it quite--at least
+very nearly out of the question; I don't believe they in the least
+reckoned on my hearing all this. You know the man is very good-natured;
+well, he took me up to go instead of his servant, and I was sitting
+back to back with them. I sometimes think my bad eyes have made my ears
+sharper, for I know I often hear when other people don't; and so I
+should not expect they supposed in the least that I was attending,
+though I did not miss a word, for I could not help hearing. Now, you
+see, I could not possibly go and betray him; and if you were not the
+safest person in the world, I would never have told you: only, if
+somebody could just give Caroline a hint that she is going to marry an
+infidel, it would be a pleasant thing."
+
+"A pleasant thing!" repeated Marian. Then she paused, considering, and
+Lionel waited patiently while she did so, "I see," she said at last,
+"that you could hardly tell her of this conversation; and after all,
+Lionel, I believe we knew what was quite as bad of him from the first:
+this only proves it a little more fully."
+
+"Did you?"
+
+"Yes, Lord Marchmont told me something of it; and I mentioned it to
+Caroline before he came here at all."
+
+"O, that is right!" said Lionel, greatly relieved, "then it is no
+concern of mine; though what can possess Caroline, I can't think. Is it
+love, I wonder?"
+
+"I suppose so," said Marian, sighing.
+
+"Well, it is a queer thing," said the boy. "I should have thought
+Caroline was one to care about such matters more than I, but perhaps she
+means to convert him. So! I did think Caroline was good for something,
+but it is no affair of mine; and I shall be all the more glad to get off
+to New Zealand to be out of the sight of it all."
+
+"It is very sad indeed!" said Marian. "I am sure it will be nothing but
+wretchedness. Caroline can blind herself now, but that will not go on."
+
+"And why can't you speak to her, and stop her? She used to mind you.
+Does she come and talk about this man as if he was perfection?"
+
+"No," was the sorrowful reply. "She knew from the first my opinion of
+him, and we never have any talks now. We never have had one since she
+was first engaged."
+
+"Whew!" whistled Lionel. "Then she does mean to go and do it, and no
+mistake! Then I've done with her, and shan't think about her any more
+than I can help. If she won't be warned, she must Lave her own way, and
+may marry the Grand Turk, if she likes it better." He whistled again,
+proposed a ride, and went to order the horses; while Marian, walking
+slowly to the house to prepare, did not so much grieve for Caroline,
+for that was an old accustomed sorrow, as marvel at the manner in which
+Lionel had spoken, and wonder where he had learnt the right views and
+excellent sense he had displayed. Far was she from guessing the value of
+such a steady witness to the truth as she had been from the first hour
+when Lionel had perceived and maintained "that she had no humbug in
+her;" how her cares for her brother had borne fruit in him; how he
+learnt from her to reverence goodness, and cleave to the right; and
+how he looked up to her, because her words were few, and her deeds
+consistent. More right in theory, than steady in practice was Lionel;
+very unformed, left untrained by those whose duty it was to watch him;
+but the seeds had been sown, and be his future life what it might, it
+could not but bear the impress of the years she had spent in the same
+family.
+
+She knew nothing of all this; she only thought, as she watched his
+quick, bounding run, that he, the least regarded, was the flower of the
+flock, with principles as good as Walter's, and so much more manly and
+active. For Marian, with all her respect for Walter, could not help
+wishing, like the boys, that he had more life and spirit, and less
+timidity. A little mental courage would, she thought, have brought him
+to expostulate with Caroline, instead of keeping out of the way, and
+leaving her to her fate. Edmund would not have done so.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+  "It's hame, and it's hame, and it's hame."
+
+  Cunningham.
+
+
+Edmund and Gerald had promised to spend a few days at Oakworthy, before
+the one returned to Portsmouth and the other to Eton; but their plans
+were disconcerted by an event which, as Clara said, placed Marian in
+mourning in good earnest, namely, the death of her great aunt, old Mrs.
+Jessie Arundel, who had always lived at Torquay. For the last four or
+five years she had been almost imbecile, and so likely to die at any
+time, that, as it seemed for that very reason, every one took her death
+as a surprise when it really happened.
+
+Edmund thought it right that both he and Gerald should attend her
+funeral. Lord Marchmont, whose wife stood in the same relationship to
+her, met them in London, and they all went together to Torquay, instead
+of making the intended visit to Oakworthy. Gerald was obliged to return
+to Eton on the following day, without coming to Oakworthy; but, to make
+up for it, he wrote to his Writer from Torquay, and his letter ended
+thus,--"Now I have a capital bit of news for you. Old aunt Jessie has
+done what I shall venerate her for ever after--left every scrap of her
+property to Edmund, except a legacy or two to her servants, a picture of
+my father to me, and some queer old-fashioned jewels to you and Selina.
+The will was made just after I was born; so it was to make up to Edmund
+for my cutting him out of Fern Torr. You may suppose how Lord Marchmont
+and I shook hands with him. It is somewhere about L20,000; there is
+good news for you! He is executor, and has got to be here a day or two
+longer; but Lord Marchmont and I set off by the first train to-morrow. I
+shall look out for Lionel, tell him, in case he is too blind to see me.
+Can't you come with him to the station, and have one moment's talk?"
+
+This proved to be possible; and Marian, in the interval between the
+coming of the post and the setting off, had time, all the hurry of her
+dressing, to wonder if she ought to be very much rejoiced. She did not
+believe, that even wealth could spoil Edmund, but she did not think all
+this would be of much use to him. It did not give him a home, and in
+fact she thought it rather a creditable thing to be as poor as he had
+hitherto been. She had rather have heard of something to make him look
+less like Tressilian, than he had done the last time she had seen him.
+
+She had a pleasant drive with Lionel, who was very glad of any good luck
+befalling Mr. Arundel, and presently, after some meditation, broke out
+as follows:--"My eyes! what miles and miles it would buy in Australia"
+and then proceeded to talk all the rest of the way about Australian
+bulls.
+
+The meeting at the station was a bright one, though so short, as
+scarcely to be worth the journey, if the value of such moments were to
+be reckoned by their number. There was Lord Marchmont to be spoken to,
+as well as Gerald, which broke into the time. Gerald looked very happy
+and pleasant. He said Edmund was the best fellow in the world, and that
+he had been very happy--shot lots of things--he wished he could stop to
+tell about it. Then Marian hurried what she had to say, while Lionel was
+looking after his luggage. "Gerald, would you just try if you can do
+anything to spare Lionel's eyes? When you have the same things to do,
+could you not read to him, or something? they seem so much worse, and I
+am so afraid."
+
+"I'll try," said Gerald, "but I don't think I can do much, and he will
+never give in."
+
+The bell rang--Lionel ran up--she wished them good-bye, and drove home,
+happier than when last she parted there from Gerald, wondering what had
+happened in his journey with Edmund, and re-assured, by his free cordial
+tone. She took up a book and read all the way home.
+
+The next thing that was heard of Edmund was in a note to Mr. Lyddell,
+saying that he should come and spend one night at Oakworthy, on his way
+to Portsmouth; that he hoped to arrive about one o'clock, and that
+he should bring Marian her aunt's legacy of the jewels. This was
+communicated to her by Mrs. Lyddell, and she could not discover from
+whence he wrote; she supposed from London, unless he was still detained
+in Devonshire. She looked forward greatly to his coming, as there was
+so much to hear about Gerald; and she felt, as if she wanted something
+pleasant, very much indeed; for, now that Lionel was gone, she found
+what a companion, interest, and occupation he had been, and missed
+him very much. The constraint with all the others, except Clara,
+was wearisome: and Clara, though never ceasing to talk, and very
+affectionately, was anything but a companion, while poor Caroline kept
+more than ever aloof, and had a flightiness of spirits--a sort of
+gaiety of manner--which, to Marian, seemed to be assumed. This was more
+especially the case, after there was an idea of fixing the marriage for
+some time in the autumn, and arrangements were talked over. Marian began
+to have little doubt that she was secretly unhappy, and grew more and
+more tender in feeling towards her; while, by an effect of contraries,
+her manner became more frigid and severe, in proportion to the warmth
+within.
+
+Clara wondered a little what Mr. Arundel was coming for, and laughed and
+looked significant when Marian said she knew perfectly well; but Marian
+thought she knew so thoroughly as not to be in the least disconcerted,
+though Clara's glances were full upon her when he was announced. In he
+came, just at luncheon time; he shook hands with Marian with all his
+might, and one glance convinced her that he had not Tressilian's
+face--nay, that though the sun of Africa had left its traces, he was
+more like the Edmund of the olden time, than she had ever seen him since
+her father's death. There were a good many people at luncheon that day.
+Mr. Faulkner was there, and there were some visitors staying in the
+house. Edmund was a good way from her, and she could only hear his voice
+now and then in the buzz; but it was a very pleasant sound to hear, and
+when he laughed, it was his own natural, free, gay laugh, such as it
+used to be. She was sure he was very happy, and wondered if it was
+possible Aunt Jessie's fortune could have made him so, or whether it
+could all be the satisfaction of having set Gerald to rights.
+
+As they rose to leave the dining room, he came to her, saying, "Marian,
+can you have a walk with me?"
+
+"Oh, yes, I should like it of all things; I will be ready in one
+minute." And away she bounded, saying to Caroline, in the boldest and
+most innocent manner in the world, as if on purpose to show that she
+expected nothing, and would not be laughed at, that Edmund had asked her
+to walk with him. He waited for her in the hall, and they went out, she
+scarcely pausing till they were on the steps, to say, "Well, how did you
+get on with Gerald? I am sure you made him very happy."
+
+"We got on famously. He is a very nice fellow; he only wanted a little
+stimulus the right way. He is thoroughly open and candid, and I have no
+fear but that he will do very well."
+
+Marian could not speak for joy, and for gratitude to her cousin; and
+her heart throbbing with delight, she walked on, waiting for him to say
+something more on this most precious of all tidings. But when he spoke
+again, it was if he had done with the subject of Gerald. "Marian, I
+have something to tell you," He paused--she stood in suspense--he began
+again. "Marian, I am going to be married!"
+
+"O!" and the inquiring, joyful, wondering, confident tone of that O, is
+what nothing can ever convey. Her eyes were turned full on him with the
+same eager curiosity, the same certainty, that he could not do other
+than the best. He did not speak; but the half smile on his lip was a
+full though mute reply to her confidence, that she had only to hear, in
+order to rejoice with all her heart; and he held out a note directed to
+her, in Agnes' writing!
+
+Marian took it, but she was too wild, too delighted, too eager to look
+at him, and hear him, to be able to open it. "O Edmund!" was what she
+said now, and she caught hold of his hand for an ecstatic shake.
+
+"Yes, thank you, yes. I said I must tell you myself, Marian--my sister."
+
+"O, I never heard anything more delightful in my life," said Marian,
+with a sort of gasp, as soon as the overwhelming delight gave her
+breath. "O, Edmund, Edmund!"
+
+"You have not read her note yet."
+
+Marian tore it open, but there was scarcely any thing to read; it was
+only--
+
+  "Dearest Marian,--He will have a note to carry you,
+  but I can't say anything for bewilderment. I know he will
+  tell you all about it, so it is of no use my writing. Are
+  not you sorry he should have a wife so far from good enough
+  for him?
+
+  "Your affectionate and most amazed
+
+  "AGNES."
+
+Marian held it up to him, smiling. "But of course you have seen it?"
+
+"No, I have not; I suppose she thought I should not carry such
+nonsense."
+
+"Well, I am sure there is no other person in all the wide world that I
+could have thought good enough for you. Agnes! Agnes! O, Edmund, I wish
+there was any way of not being quite choked with gladness!"
+
+Edmund smiled, and perhaps he was "choked with gladness" beyond the
+power of speech; for the two cousins only proceeded to shake hands
+again. The next thing that was said was after an interval. "Marian, you
+remember our bargain six years ago? Have you grown so very fond of the
+Lyddells as to repent of it?"
+
+"O, Edmund, you have not thought of that?"
+
+"Have not we? It was one of the first things we did think of."
+
+"I don't think I can bear to hear of much more happiness," said Marian,
+in almost a crying voice. "I am so glad for you that I can't be glad for
+myself yet. I can't take it all in; it is too good to be true!"
+
+"Indeed it does seem so. But you agree? Agnes said I must make you agree
+first of all."
+
+"Don't I? Only I want to enjoy it for you,--it is so beyond everything!"
+
+"Well, wasn't I a wise man to say I would not miss the pleasure of
+telling you myself?"
+
+"Then do tell me; do let us be rational, if we can. Then you came here
+from Fern Torr?"
+
+"Yes. Did you not know that?"
+
+"No. I did not hear where you wrote from. How long were you there?"
+
+"I only went on Wednesday."
+
+"Then it was only one whole day! How much you must have had to settle!"
+
+"So much, that we settled scarcely anything."
+
+"Then you don't know when it is to be?"
+
+"No, and Mrs. Wortley talks of having time,--poor Mrs. Wortley, but I
+don't think I shall take her away far; I have some notion of looking out
+for some place close at hand."
+
+"Just what we settled long ago. But O! begin and tell me all,
+Edmund,--as much as you like to tell me, at least. I want to know how
+you first came to think of it." Then, as he smiled, she added, "I mean,
+how long you have been thinking of it."
+
+"If you mean how long with any hope, only since I knew of good aunt
+Jessie's consideration for me. How long it has been in my mind I cannot
+tell; certainly before I went to Africa. You see, Marian," he continued,
+as if he was apologising, "it was this which made me think it advisable
+for me to go, though, as I see now, it was not at all good for Gerald."
+
+"What,--you mean--I am not sure that I understand--"
+
+"Don't you see, Marian, feeling as I did, and knowing how out of
+the question it was for a penniless man like me, to think of
+marrying,--Agnes so young too, and I with everything to draw me to what
+had been my only home,--there was nothing to be done but to keep out
+of the way, to guard me against myself; and that was easier with seas
+between. I don't know whether I did right or not, but I hoped I did,
+because it cost me something; yet it was a forsaking of Gerald which
+might have done much harm, though I hope it has not, as it has turned
+out."
+
+"I see it all!" said Marian, resting there, because she had not a word
+with which to express her honour of his noble conduct.
+
+"You will forgive me now," he added, with a smile, "for what you thought
+my neglect of home."
+
+"I am only afraid I must often have given you a great deal of pain," she
+almost whispered.
+
+"Never, except when I thought it right to silence you. It was only too
+delightful to hear their very names. You might well tell me that she had
+grown prettier than ever."
+
+On talked and walked the cousins, over the downs, which had certainly
+never been trodden by happier people. At last they recollected that they
+must return, if they wished to be in time for the post, and retraced
+their steps, talking as eagerly as ever. As they were coming near the
+house, Marian said, "Does Gerald know?"
+
+"Not yet; I shall write to him to-morrow."
+
+"Is it to be a secret? Of course I should say nothing about it while you
+are here, but may I mention it afterwards?"
+
+"They said nothing about secrecy," said Edmund; "in fact I think
+attempting it, only results in making one look foolish. Yes, you are
+welcome to tell whom you please as soon as I am out of the way. I had
+rather the Lyddells know."
+
+"Very well; indeed, I don't think I can keep it to myself, it is too
+much joy."
+
+"Do you expect them to participate in your pleasure at making your
+escape from them?"
+
+"There is no one to miss me, except, perhaps, Lionel, a little, when his
+eyes are bad. Caroline would once have cared, but that is over now, poor
+thing! There never was a time when I should have been more glad to get
+away. O, Edmund, if you would do one thing to oblige me, it would be,
+to have your wedding the same day as Caroline's, that I might not be
+obliged to be at it."
+
+"At which?"
+
+"O, you know!"
+
+"Is it such a very bad affair?"
+
+"O, I am very much grieved about it. The man has no religion at all, you
+know; at least, if he has any, it is all natural religion,--anything but
+the truth."
+
+"Do you really mean that the family have accepted him, allowed this to
+go on, knowing such things of him?"
+
+"I don't know how far they see it. I don't think they allow it to
+themselves, and I don't think they would understand some of it; as, for
+instance, when I heard him talking the other day as if he assumed that
+Christianity was only a development of people's tendency to believe,--as
+fleeting as other forms of faith. It was not very broadly stated, and
+I don't think I should have seen it, if it had not chimed in with
+something I had read; and, besides, I knew what was in the man."
+
+"How do you know? Not from your own observation?"
+
+"O, no, no; I liked him at first. I could have liked him very much, if
+Lord Marchmont had not told me about him, and then I had the key to
+him."
+
+"And this poor Miss Lyddell?"
+
+"She knew what I did," said Marian, sadly. "But he is very
+agreeable,--at least he is thought so,--and they all admired him so
+much, and paid such court to him, that--Yet I did think better things of
+Caroline. Lionel is the only one who has found him out, and he thinks of
+it just as I do, O, Edmund, I am sure you would like Lionel."
+
+"How are his eyes?" asked Edmund, as they were coming under the portico,
+and could not talk of any of the more delicate subjects. "I thought
+Gerald gave a very bad account of them; indeed, I scarcely expected that
+he could have gone back to Eton."
+
+"I sometimes think," almost whispered Marian, "that it is not he, poor
+boy, whose eyes are the worst in the house; but Mrs. Lyddell's head has
+been so full of Johnny, and Caroline, and all she has to do, that she
+will not see anything amiss with Lionel."
+
+"He must be a boy of a great deal of resolution and principle, to have
+struggled on as he has clone, by Gerald's account. Ah! I meant to have
+told you about Gerald, but all our time is gone."
+
+"Never mind, we can talk of him in the evening. There is a corner of
+mine where I always get out of the way of the people, and where I
+have had many a nice talk with Walter, or Lionel, under cover of Miss
+Grimley's music. Now where do you like to write your letter? If you had
+not rather do it in your own room, there is a nice quiet place in
+the old school-room, where I write mine, when the drawing-room is
+uninhabitable."
+
+Edmund accepted the invitation, partly because he was just so shy of
+letting his own handwriting be seen in the address, that he meant to
+avail himself of Marian's cover. Just as Marian had finished a note, too
+joyous to have any sense in it, and containing a promise to write more
+sensibly to-morrow, had directed the cover, and told her cousin that
+he must wind up if he meant to catch the post, Clara opened the door,
+gazed, laughed, and was retiring in haste, when Marian, without a shade
+of the confusion Clara had hoped for, called her back. "Edmund came here
+to write a note," she said, "don't go away."
+
+Edmund made some demonstration about intruding, and wrote the
+conclusion, at which nothing but some interruption would have made him
+arrive, put it into the envelope, gave it face downwards to Marian,
+and departed. Now Mrs. Lyddell and Clara were both persuaded that Mr.
+Arundel had come for no other purpose than to propose to Marian; and
+they had been entertaining themselves during their drive with conversing
+on the subject; so that Clara was never more surprised and puzzled in
+her life than by seeing Marian stand there, smiling, and with beaming
+eyes, brighter than ever she had looked before, but without one particle
+of a blush,--white-faced as ever, only dancing first on one foot, then
+on the other, balancing her bonnet on one hand, and with the other
+holding the precious letter.
+
+"Well, Marian!"
+
+"Well!" Marian made a pirouette. "I must run and put this letter in the
+box." And so saying, away she ran down stairs, up again in a second;
+then meeting the astonished Clara at the head of the stairs, she took
+her round the waist, and fairly waltzed her to her own door, opened it,
+threw herself into a chair, exclaimed, "I beg your pardon, Clara; you'll
+think me mad, but I'll tell you all about it to-morrow."
+
+Fanny was present, so Clara could do nothing but stare; and lateness,
+and a dinner-party necessitating a hasty toilette, she retreated, while
+Marian contained her raptures as best she could, and meditated on the
+delightful life she was to lead with Agnes and Edmund, in some cottage
+on the borders of Fern Torr. O happiness, such as she had never
+known, which seemed to bring back as much of her home as could ever
+return,--which would be everything for Gerald! Every care gone, Edmund
+happy, Gerald satisfactory, her own exile at an end. Her head almost
+swain round with happiness, and she wanted to turn to the glass, to
+persuade herself that she could be the same Marian Arundel, wide awake,
+and yet so very, very happy.
+
+However, it was all future, as far as concerned herself; and that cares
+were in the world she was convinced, by her own pang at seeing Caroline,
+whom she overtook on her way down stairs. She had no disposition to
+whirl _her_ round; but there was a softened feeling, belonging perhaps
+to the fulness of her own joy, that made her, as she came up with her,
+put her arm round her, as she had now and then walked with her in former
+days. Caroline looked in her face, and drew the arm closer without
+speaking. Their faces had always been unlike, but the contrast was
+stronger than ever. Marian, with those pale, regular features, plain
+dark hair, black eyes and eyebrows, with her mourning dress, and yet
+with a radiant, irrepressible joy and buoyancy all round and about her;
+while Caroline, with her small pretty features, rosy colour, blue eyes,
+glossy curls, her pink dress and gold bracelets, was in general air very
+different, and in countenance how much more; for the eyes were restless,
+the smile came rather as if it was called, than as if it resided
+naturally on her lip,--the colour of her cheeks, though bright, looked
+fixed and feverish; and now and then, there was a quiver about the whole
+face. How different from the secure expression of happiness, now and
+then illuminated, as it were, with some sudden flash of secret joy,
+which sat on Marian's broad, serene brow.
+
+They entered the drawing-room together, and from that time Marian was
+outwardly her own stiff, distant self, till the promised time in the
+evening, when Edmund made his way to her in her corner, where he was
+greeted by a most sunny look. "Now for Gerald," said she.
+
+Edmund had a great deal to tell about Gerald. He thought him, on the
+whole, a very nice, amiable, right-minded boy, who only wanted more
+training and watching than Mr. Lyddell would or could give. He had,
+after a time, been brought to be entirely open and confiding; and this,
+for which Edmund seemed to be really grateful to him, and to admire him,
+was the great point, he had made Edmund a friend, instead of looking at
+him as a guardian,--found that he could sympathize, and had ended by
+trusting and consulting him. Marian, though wondering how the reserve
+had ever been, conquered, felt the relief of knowing that all was safe
+now, and was not hurt by his confiding in any one but herself. Edmund
+really thought it was safe. "I believe I know the worst of him now, poor
+fellow," he said, smiling, "and the worst is not much. He has been going
+on in a careless, thoughtless way, out of high spirits and imitation, a
+good deal, and the consciousness made him keep back from you; he owns
+that, and is very sorry."
+
+"Does he? dear Gerald!"
+
+"He seemed to feel deeply that he had neglected you; but he said, and
+very truly, how much there had been against him,--no one, as he said, to
+make him mind; and the fellows would have laughed at him, if they had
+found out that he attended to his sister."
+
+"Ah! Johnny sowed that mischief long ago!"
+
+"I hope it is not weakness. I do not think it is; for there was
+manliness in confessing all, and he seemed to feel the folly strongly."
+
+"Did he tell you about the debts?"
+
+"Yes, and of his own accord. They are nothing in themselves; but he has
+been allowed too much money, has had little warning, and his title was
+against him too. So if we can break off the habit of extravagance, there
+is no great harm done. After all, you know, he is very young, and
+there is plenty of time to form his character. I am sure he has good
+dispositions of every kind, and if he has but resolution, he will be
+sure to do well,"
+
+"I think there is resolution in his temper. Nothing shakes him when his
+mind is once made up."
+
+So Marian was very well satisfied on the whole about her brother, and
+she might justly be so by Edmund's account. There was nothing to disturb
+her happiness, and she only doubted whether she should be able to sleep
+for it. Her brother restored, as well as everything else!
+
+When bed-time came, Mrs. Lyddell looked at her, as if expecting
+something more to be said than "good night," but nothing came,--nothing
+but the dancing light in the eyes. Clara followed her to the room, and
+stood gazing at her. "Why, Marian," at last she said, "can't you tell me
+anything about it?"
+
+"No; not till to-morrow."
+
+"O, that is too bad, Marian, when you heard all I had to tell directly."
+
+"I can't help it; I am not at liberty to tell other people's affairs."
+
+"Don't look so grand, Marian, pray. I am sure I thought this was your
+own."
+
+"So it is in a way."
+
+"In a way? Why, Marian, what an extraordinary girl you are! not your own
+affair! Well, if you are impenetrable, I can't help it; but it is not
+kind, when we all want to congratulate you."
+
+"Stop, stop, Clara!" exclaimed Marian, and now she did blush, "will you
+be satisfied if I tell you that it is not what you suppose? You shall
+hear what it is to-morrow, and then you will see what nonsense you have
+been talking."
+
+"What?" cried Clara, "you are not--"
+
+"Don't say it, pray don't! Never was any one further from it. Now do
+go to bed, Clara, for I cannot tell you a word more, and keep your
+curiosity at rest for to-night."
+
+Marian took care not to be caught alone by Clara before breakfast the
+next morning, and almost immediately after breakfast, Edmund departed.
+Marian had been out into the hall with him to exchange some last words,
+and Mrs. Lyddell, meantime, was observing to Caroline that she never
+knew anything so strange; she thought it was due to herself, however
+unpleasant it might be, to claim some confidence from Miss Arundel, on
+such matters, while living under her care. Marian came back, however,
+with her innocent look of delight,--a look so unlike the bashfulness of
+a damsel in love, that Mrs. Lyddell felt again doubtful; and before she
+could speak, Marian had turned to Clara and said, "Now I will tell you
+what makes me so happy. Edmund and Agnes Wortley are engaged, and I am
+to go and live with them."
+
+"Miss Wortley!" at once exclaimed Mrs. Lyddell and her daughters, in the
+extremity of surprise; and then Mrs. Lyddell and Clara asked all the
+usual questions in haste and eagerness, wondering within themselves most
+of all at Marian's full rejoicing, for till now they had never been
+able to see that Edmund was really to her only like an elder brother.
+Caroline scarcely spoke, only went on nervously with her work. At last,
+when some interruption had caused her mother and Clara to leave the
+room, she laid it down, looked at Marian for a moment or two, then said,
+in a trembling voice, "Dear Marian, I am glad you are so happy! I am
+glad you are to live with them!" then kissed her, and hastened away
+before she could answer or return the caress. Her handkerchief was
+raised as she closed the door. Marian sat and grieved, for well did she
+know all poor Caroline conveyed by that "I am glad you are to live with
+them." It meant that Caroline felt that she had given up the esteem and
+friendship in which they had lived,--that she thought her own home unfit
+for one brought from such a sphere as Fern Torr,--that she resigned all
+those plans for Clara's good, everything that had been valued between
+them,--that she looked not for happiness for herself, and though she
+had forfeited such affection as once had been hers, yet she still loved
+Marian. How could Marian rejoice so much, when such a fate was waiting
+for Caroline? Poor Caroline! she contrasted her feelings with those of
+Agnes, grieved again over her, and ended by blaming herself for all the
+coldness and severity of the last six weeks, requited as it was by so
+much kind, fond affection.
+
+Yet Caroline was weakly, wilfully doing wrong. How should she behave
+rightly towards her? O, why would nothing happen to save her, and break
+off this mockery of a marriage? But as of this there seemed little
+hope,--as the Faulkners were at Oakworthy more than ever, and Mrs.
+Lyddell was talking in good earnest of wedding clothes, and bridesmaids,
+it was a comfort to have these better hopes to occupy herself with.
+
+Especially did she enjoy the idea of Gerald's rejoicing, and it was very
+eagerly that she watched for his first letter of delight. It came as
+soon as heart could wish; but so mixed are joy and grief in this world,
+that even Gerald's letter could not convey unalloyed pleasure, but
+filled her with a fresh anxiety,--or more properly, strengthened and
+realized what had hitherto been but a vague terror.
+
+  "Eton, Sept. 14th.
+
+  "My dear Marian,--Never was anything better in this
+  world than Edmund's plans. I give him infinite credit for
+  them; and, as head of the family, he has my full consent.
+  I wish they would go and live at the Manor House
+  till I am of age,--that would be jolly! Lionel desires me
+  to tell you that it is all very well, except your going from
+  Oakworthy, and he shall go about the house like a mad
+  fury," (here followed his portrait in the character,) "if you
+  go before he is off after the blue wild beestes at the Cape.
+  His eyes are very bad, and I wish you would tell Mrs.
+  Lyddell about them; for I don't believe it is a bit of use
+  his staying here, and though I am very glad to help him,
+  doing all his work and my own too is more than I can stand.
+  It is much worse than last half; then he could see to read,
+  though it hurt him; now Greek or small print beats him entirely,
+  and he cannot look out a word in the Lexicon. He
+  does just manage to write, and he never forgets anything;
+  so another fellow and I have dragged him through, this
+  week. But it cannot go on so; and as he won't give up or
+  complain, I will have something done about it, or he will
+  blind himself outright before he has done. I cannot think
+  how it is my tutor has not found it out, but I suppose it is
+  that Lionel is so sharp, and has such a memory. Do speak
+  to Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+  "Your affectionate brother,
+
+  "E. GERALD ARUNDEL"
+
+Marian carried the letter at once to Mrs. Lyddell's dressing-room, but
+she found that Gerald had been mistaken in supposing the tutor had not
+observed Lionel's failing sight: for the same post had brought a letter
+from him, which had at length completely alarmed Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell,
+and the former was going at once to write to his son to meet him in
+London, where he intended to consult one of the first oculists.
+
+This was a great relief. Mr. Lyddell set off, and the party at home
+comforted themselves with predictions that all would soon be remedied;
+Marian and Clara agreeing that it would be very pleasant to have Lionel
+at home to walk with them, and to be nursed.
+
+Mr. Lyddell had been gone about two days; Caroline and Clara were at
+High Down, and Marian was returning from a solitary ramble in the park,
+enjoying her last letter from Agnes, when, as she crossed the lawn, she
+was startled by finding Lionel stretched on his face on the grass, just
+at the turn where some bushes concealed him from the windows. He lay
+flat, without his hat, his forehead resting on one arm; while with his
+hand he tore up daisies and grass, and threw them hastily over his
+shoulder, while his whole frame quivered in a convulsive agony of
+distress.
+
+"Lionel! Lionel! you come home? What is the matter?" exclaimed she.
+
+"Matter! matter enough, I think," said, or rather muttered Lionel;
+"There is an end of the Cape, or anything else."
+
+"How are your eyes?" asked Marian, in consternation.
+
+"Only I am blind for life!" answered Lionel; still hiding his face, and
+speaking in a sullen, defiant tone.
+
+Marian, dreadfully shocked, almost beyond all power of speaking or
+moving, could only drop down sitting on the grass beside him, and take
+his hand.
+
+"All neglect, too," he added; then vehemently, "I don't believe, no I
+don't, there is any pauper's son in the parish that would have been so
+used!"
+
+Her voice was low with fright: "But, Lionel, what has happened? Let me
+see you. Is it worse? can't you see?"
+
+"O yes, I can see now, after a fashion, at least, but that is soon to
+go, they say, and then--They have done it themselves, and they may have
+that satisfaction!" added he, with a fearful bitterness in his tone.
+"Elections, and parliament, and dinners, and that Faulkner,--that is
+what they have given my sight for." He withdrew his hand, and turned his
+shoulder from Marian, as if resolute not to be comforted; and again he
+shook with agony.
+
+"O, don't say such dreadful things, dear Lionel! O, if I could but do
+anything for you!" she cried, in a tone of heartfelt grief, which seemed
+to soften the poor boy a little; for he twisted round, so that his face,
+still pillowed on one arm, was half raised to her, and she could see
+how flushed it was, and that the eyelids were inflamed, though not
+with tears, and the eyes themselves had not altered from their former
+appearance.
+
+"'Tis not your fault," he said. "If my mother had cared for me one
+quarter--"
+
+"Don't blame anybody, pray!" interrupted Marian: "it only makes it
+worse. Only tell me all about it. Did the occulist say--"
+
+"Not to me," answered Lionel; "not the worst, at least. He examined my
+eyes very closely, and asked me all manner of questions about what I
+could see, and what I could not, and what things hurt them, and how long
+it had been going on, and how I had been using them. Then he told me
+that it was impossible for him to do anything for them as yet, till the
+disease had made more progress; that most likely I should quite lose my
+sight this winter, and then I must come to him again. So that was bad
+enough, but I could have made up my mind to that, and they sent me away.
+Then it seems that, after I was gone, he went on about it to papa, and
+told him that the mischief had been brewing time out of mind, and some
+time ago it might have been stopped; but all that straining of my eyes
+at Eton, last half, had done immense harm, and confirmed the disease;
+and it is of a kind that--that--there is no cure for!" He buried his
+face again.
+
+"Did Mr. Lyddell tell you this?"
+
+"No, he only told me we were to go home directly, and wrote to Gerald to
+send my things from Eton. He hardly spoke a word all the way,--only led
+me about, and poked me in and out of the carriage, as if I was
+blind already; it put me almost in a rage. Then as soon as we came
+home,--about half an hour ago, I should think,--he told it all straight
+out to my mother, did not mince matters, I assure you: indeed, I believe
+they both forgot I was there. They are apt to forget me, you know. He
+regularly stormed about the neglect, and told her it was all her fault;
+and while this was going on, I found I had heard the worst, and I did
+not want to be pitied, so I came out here. And so there is the whole
+story for you, Marian, and a pretty one it is! A fine sort of life I
+shall have instead--"
+
+"Well but, Lionel," cried Marian, eagerly, "are you sure that be said
+_for certain_ that it was hopeless? for it seems so odd that he should
+have told you one thing, and Mr. Lyddell another."
+
+"Pshaw! I suppose he had got some consideration, and did not want to
+knock me down with the worst at once."
+
+"I should think it was more comfortable to know the worst at once!" said
+Marian, meditatively, "so as to be able to settle one's mind to it."
+
+"A pretty thing to settle one's mind to," said Lionel, "to know I must
+be a good-for-nothing, dependent wretch all my days! As well be a woman,
+or an idiot at once! There, I shall never see that tree green again; no,
+and spring--I have seen my last of that! and I may look my last at all
+your faces. Johnny I shall never see again."
+
+Ho was crying bitterly now,--almost choking with tears; and Marian's
+were flowing too. She was much distressed at the present moment; for
+though the weeping was likely to relieve him, she feared it might be
+doing harm to his eyes, and she did not know in the least whether it
+ought to be checked, or, indeed, how to check it. Grieved and in great
+consternation she was, in truth, for she was very fond of Lionel,
+and full of such strong sympathy and compassion, as to be perfectly
+incapable of expressing it, in the slightest degree. But he knew her;
+she had been the only person who had ever been uneasy about his
+sight, and this went for a great deal with him: so that, with all her
+undemonstrativeness, there was no one whom he could have liked so well
+to have near him in that moment of dire despair. "O, I am so sorry!"
+expressed infinitely more than the simple words.
+
+"You see, Marian," said he, raising himself, and struggling with the
+sobs of which he was ashamed, "I could bear it better if I had not had
+such a scheme for my life, and my father consenting too. Australia, and
+those wild cattle, and that glorious Bush life, always galloping in the
+plains; and now to be condemned to be moping about here, for ever, in
+darkness and helplessness. O, to think of the plans we have made, all
+come to an end for ever!" and again he was weeping violently.
+
+"They might have been stopped otherwise," said Marian, catching at any
+possible idea that might answer, or seem to console him; "you know you
+might have been ill, or met with an accident, and had a great deal to
+suffer."
+
+"I would suffer anything rather than lose my eyesight! You don't know
+what you are talking of."
+
+"Then just suppose this complaint had come on, in some lonely place out
+in the wilds, with no one to take care of you."
+
+"It would not, I should have had no Greek to put my eyes out."
+
+"And after all, dear Lionel, you know----;" there she was choked--"you
+know that--" and she was choked again--"you know where it comes from."
+
+"I know what you mean," he said; "and if it did--But it is my mother's
+neglect; there is the bitterness of it. Why, you and my father tried to
+stir her up to it in the spring, and she would not; and then, when for
+very shame she must attend, what does she do but let me go muddling on
+with that old woman Wells! She has regularly thrown my sight away, as
+much as if she had pulled my eyes out and thrown them over the hedge."
+
+"No one could ever have guessed--"
+
+"I tell you she might have guessed. Any other mother in the world would
+have been frightened years ago, long before I went to school. If it had
+been Elliot or Johnny, wouldn't she have had half the doctors in London?
+but what did she ever trouble her head about _me?_"
+
+"Now, Lionel, that must not be said. You know it is wrong, and I am sure
+you will see how sorry she is, and how it was really not having time."
+
+"I dare say she is sorry--I should hope so--now it is too late, and she
+has done it."
+
+"But why will you accuse any one?" said Marian, sorely perplexed, and
+secretly sharing all his indignation against Mrs. Lyddell. "You know it
+only embitters you and makes it all worse; and after all, even if man
+had actually done the mischief, it still would ultimately be sent from
+Heaven."
+
+"I don't see that that makes it any better," murmured Lionel.
+
+"O don't you, Lionel?" said she earnestly; "doesn't it make you sure it
+is for the best?"
+
+"I don't know what I have done to be so punished," went on Lionel to
+himself; "I have not always been good, but I have tried, and more
+lately, to do right; there are many much less steady than I, who--"
+
+"Yes, yes, Lionel, but perhaps it is not as good for them to be
+prosperous. Indeed, indeed I am quite sure, though I don't understand it
+all, or see the way, that if you will but bear it rightly, you will be
+glad, if not before, yet at least when you die, even of this terrible
+affliction."
+
+"I almost wish I was dying now!" said Lionel gloomily, "if I could but
+die the last day that I am to see the sky and everything, instead of
+droning on in the dark, a burthen to myself and every one else, for
+I don't know how long, forty, fifty, sixty years perhaps. You know,
+Marian, I am only sixteen--"
+
+There was a burst of tears again, and Marian felt herself an
+unsuccessful comforter, nor did she wonder at it, for she could not
+fancy that anything could relieve the sense of such a misfortune as poor
+Lionel's, except the really high source of consolation, and that as yet
+only by faith, which might make him take it on trust as the best in the
+end, though for the present he must feel all the misery. She had no time
+to answer him again, for the garden door opened, and at the sound he
+dashed away his tears, sprang to his feet, and assumed a firm, cold,
+would-be indifferent look, as Mrs. Lyddell came out and advanced towards
+them. Marian thought her looking flushed and agitated, and her voice
+certainly betrayed more emotion than had ever been shown in it, except
+when bidding Johnny farewell.
+
+"Lionel, my dear, sitting on the damp grass? You will certainly catch
+cold! I have been searching for you everywhere, but I am glad you were
+with Marian. I wanted to ask you, my dear, whether you would like to
+have your own room or Walter's," added she, wandering on as if anxious
+to say what was kindest, yet dreading to come to the subject nearest
+their hearts.
+
+"My own, thank you," bluntly answered Lionel, "I'll and unpack." He
+brushed hastily by her, and ran into the house up stairs, his roughness
+contrasting with her affectionate tone. She looked at Marian, and saw
+the trace of tears on her eyelids, and her own lip quivered while her
+eyes filled, and she said in a trembling voice, "Poor dear boy! has he
+been telling you? Does he know it all?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, anxiously, "but is it really so very bad? Is there
+no hope?"
+
+"No hope? Who said so?" exclaimed Mrs. Lyddell quickly.
+
+"He did," said Marian; "he said Mr. Lyddell told you so."
+
+"Was he there?" exclaimed she: "Ah! that was Mr. Lyddell's strong way of
+putting things! So unfortunate--forgetting all about him. Poor fellow! I
+must go to him directly, and tell him it was no such thing."
+
+"What? how? O do tell me!" cried Marian, turning and hurrying with her,
+and speaking with, such earnestness that Mrs. Lyddell could not doubt of
+her sympathy now. She slackened her pace, and explained that what the
+surgeon, had said was, that there was confirmed disease, and of a very
+serious character, but the precise nature could not be ascertained till
+it had made greater progress, and it was then possible that it might
+prove capable of removal.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was resolved that neither herself nor any one else should
+believe anything but what was most hopeful. She could not have borne
+it otherwise. She really was far from being indifferent to any of her
+children, though multiplicity of occupation, and thoughts, engaged on
+what she considered the welfare of the family, had prevented her
+from being properly attentive to all, and she was so accustomed to
+uninterrupted prosperity, as to have almost forgotten that there was
+such a thing as anxiety or misfortune. Lionel, neither the eldest nor
+the youngest, healthy, and independent, neither remarkable for beauty
+nor grace, just unruly enough to be provoking, and just steady enough to
+be no cause of anxiety, had been as much a cipher in the family as a One
+lively boy could be; but though slow to be roused into anxiety, she felt
+it with full force when it came, all the motherly affection, which while
+secure had appeared dormant, revived, she was dreadfully shocked, and
+would have been utterly overwhelmed by the accusation of neglect, had it
+not been for her sanguine spirit. In this temper she represented all to
+Marian in the most cheering light, and hastened up stairs to do the same
+to Lionel. Marian, relieved and hopeful, was waiting to collect some
+properties of hers, to carry to her room, when she met Mr. Lyddell. She
+went up to greet him, and thinking that he looked very mournful, there
+was more cordiality and fellow-feeling in her way of addressing him than
+ever there had been before, though she simply said "Good morning" and
+shook hands.
+
+"You have heard about it, Marian?" said he. "Has he been with you, poor
+fellow?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, "he is in his own room now."
+
+"Ah! you spoke long ago," said Mr. Lyddell; "I wish we had attended to
+you."
+
+"It was Edmund who remarked it," said she.
+
+"Ay, ay, and senseless it was not to attend. Then it seems that
+something might have been done, at any rate he would not have gone on
+injuring them with his work at Eton, but now it is as good as a lost
+case. Poor fellow!"
+
+"O!" exclaimed Marian, thrown back again, "I thought there was a hope
+that it might not prove to be the worst."
+
+"There is just a shade of chance that it may turn out otherwise, and
+that, your mother--Mrs. Lyddell I mean--takes hold of, but I have not
+the slightest hope. The surgeon said, it had all the appearance of a
+confirmed case, such as cannot be removed."
+
+Marian stood aghast, and Mr. Lyddell, with a sort of groan, most painful
+to hear, passed her, and shut himself into his study. The only thing she
+could think of doing, was to pour out her dismay and compassion in a
+letter to Gerald, and she repaired to the schoolroom for the purpose of
+writing, but she had not been there long, before Lionel came in, and sat
+down astride on the music-stool, just as he used to do, but with a very
+different expression of countenance from the wild, reckless spirit of
+merriment which used to possess him. He sat and meditated for a little
+while, then exclaimed, "Marian, whom have you seen since I left you?"
+
+"Nobody but Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell."
+
+"Did you hear papa say anything about it?"
+
+"Yes, a little."
+
+"Did he say what the doctor thought of it?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Tell me the very words," and he leant his elbows on the table, looking
+at her fixedly.
+
+"Ah! Lionel, can you bear it? They are so very sad."
+
+"Tell me them, I say."
+
+Marian looked down, as if she could not bear to meet his countenance,
+and faltered as she repeated them.
+
+"Ay!" said Lionel, springing up, and flinging himself round
+passionately, "I knew it was humbug all the time!"
+
+"What? How? O Lionel, what have I done?"
+
+"As if I was a fool or a baby, to be fed with false hopes," proceeded
+Lionel, sitting down, and hiding his face on his crossed arms on the
+table; "she might have let that alone, she has done me mischief enough
+already."
+
+"Lionel," said Marian, firmly and gravely, for she was really shocked at
+his tone, "you must not come to me, if it is to speak in such a manner
+of your mother."
+
+"Very well," said Lionel coldly, rising up to leave the room, then
+pausing just as his hand was on the door, "I thought _you_ did feel for
+me, Marian."
+
+"O Lionel, dear Lionel," and she sprang to him, to lead him back to his
+seat, but he still retained his hold of the lock and would not move;
+"you know"--her tears were flowing--"you know how I grieve for you; but
+if you are in trouble, that ought not to make you do wrong," He was
+turning the lock, and hardened his face, but Marian went on, "Don't go,
+Lionel, only hear me. Mrs. Lyddell is very unhappy about you, and I am
+sure you must see yourself, that if she blames herself for any want of
+care, her only comfort must be in hoping for the best, making the most
+of this little ray."
+
+"Then _you_ think there is a ray!" interrupted Lionel.
+
+"So far as that nothing is certain, but I am afraid it is so slight,
+that you had much better not trust to it, but settle your mind to bear
+whatever may come."
+
+"Very easy talking! If you had but to do it!" cried Lionel, impetuously
+wrenching the door open in spite of her gentle resistance, and running
+off determinately, leaving her, poor girl, in great despair, at having
+so completely failed either in comforting, softening, or bringing him to
+any kind of resigned feeling, having besides vexed him, made him think
+her unkind; and though this was unintentional, and might be better for
+him, just contradicted what his mother wished him to believe.
+
+Her distress was too great even for writing to Gerald, and she walked
+up and down, thinking what to do, longing to find him some better
+comforter, and offering up many a prayer for him, till at last she heard
+Caroline and Clara come home, and remembering that happen what might,
+she must dress for dinner, up she went, heavily and sorrowfully.
+
+As soon as she was dressed, she went to Clara's room, feeling that this
+would be but kind. Clara was not there, and she hesitated whether to go
+on to Caroline's, once her frequent resort. At that instant, however,
+both sisters came up together, and hastened to her. "O Marian Marian!"
+exclaimed Clara.
+
+"You know all about it, I suppose," said Caroline.
+
+"Yea, indeed I do."
+
+"Come in here," said Caroline opening her door; "I want to know about
+him, poor fellow, and how he bears it. Have you seen anything of him?"
+
+Marian told all she could, without betraying what was confidential, and
+did her best to soften Lionel's conduct, by which his sisters evidently
+had been disappointed, saying that he had scarcely chosen to speak
+to them. Marian explained what was on her mind, how she had, without
+intending it, flatly contradicted Mrs. Lyddell's cheering assurances,
+regretting it much, as injustice towards Mrs. Lyddell, but of this,
+Caroline thought little.
+
+"Mamma is always sanguine," she said, "and it was only her colouring
+that made Lionel think her account hopeful. It must be better for him,
+poor fellow, to know the truth, than to have his mind unsettled with
+vain hopes. O dear! O dear! how sad it is, and at his age too! It breaks
+one's heart to think of it."
+
+All coldness and distance had left Caroline's manner in speaking to
+Marian, and this was a great comfort, in the midst of their troubles.
+
+A very uncomfortable time it was, which thus commenced. Lionel was a
+good boy on the whole, with right principles, and some seriousness of
+mind, but he was far too undisciplined to meet patiently such a trial
+as this. He had pride, and a high spirit, and this made him assume a
+bearing, which was a good deal admired in the family, trying to carry
+it off with a high hand, never openly uttering a word of complaint, and
+seeming as if he would rather die than directly express the miserable
+despairing feelings within, though, poor boy, he little knew how
+evidently they showed themselves in his gloomy silence, his outbreaks of
+temper, and his almost desperate, defiant spirit of independence.
+
+His father and mother, not understanding him in the least, managed, in
+the revulsion of feeling which made him now the first object in the
+family, to try his temper perpetually. He had in former times, missed
+their demonstrations of affection, though healthy, high-spirited, and by
+no means sentimental, the craving had been only occasional, he had done
+very well without them, and had gained habits of freedom incompatible
+with being petted. He had never been used to be interfered with, and
+could not understand it at all; and that remembrance of past neglect
+embittered all his feelings.
+
+Mr. Lyddell had just found out, as Marian had thought long ago, that
+Lionel was the flower of his flock, the one of his sons, who alone
+united spirit and steadiness, for the emigration scheme had shown a
+degree of sense, enterprise, and consideration which had at the time
+pleased and surprised him, and now added much to his sense of the
+promise lost. He laid all the blame of the neglect on his wife, but he
+did not lament it the less keenly. His extreme kindness and solicitude
+for the boy, were, to those who compared them with his general
+character, quite affecting, but unluckily they displayed themselves is a
+way which harassed Lionel very much, for he treated him as if he fancied
+him completely blind already, cautioned him, guided him, and looked
+anxious, if he did but walk across the garden alone; whilst Lionel,
+who could see quite well enough for all ordinary purposes, was teased,
+reminded of his troubles, and vexed above measure by having notice
+attracted to his defect of sight.
+
+In the main, however, he owned that his father was kind, and sorry for
+him, though each particular instance annoyed him; but it was much worse
+with his mother, for her petting was more minute, more constant, and
+such as would have been worrying to any boy in full health, even if it
+had not, as in poor Lionel's case, been connected with the dark future,
+and with a past, which had sadly soured him against her. He was always
+rough and morose with her, rebelling against her care, never wakening
+into affection, or showing pleasure in what she proposed, though she
+continued to press on him her attention, with uunwearied assiduity.
+
+His sisters were treated much in the same manner; Clara made him cross
+with over care, and Caroline, though showing better judgment, and much
+real tact and affection, was also kept at a distance, and often harshly
+answered. Marian too, was quite sufficiently like a sister to come
+in for many an unreasonable fit of rudeness, and temper when it was
+perfectly impossible to find any means of pleasing him.
+
+Indeed such unoccupied days as his were in themselves a trial of good
+humour. Idleness was very pleasant in the holidays, but his was too
+active a spirit to bear it for long together, especially when it left
+room for such anticipations as those for which his hopes of a Bush life
+were exchanged, Yet he treated offers of reading to him as insults, and
+far less would he endure to learn any occupation that might serve him
+when his sight should be quite gone; he professed to hate music, and
+lounged about disconsolately in the house or garden. Now and then, if
+he found the young ladies reading on their own account, he would be
+beguiled into listening and being amused, and their ingenuity was often
+exercised in appearing to be doing it naturally, and he sometimes took
+part in conversation, and thus had his attention withdrawn from his
+misfortune; but it was not often that his moodiness of manner could be
+charmed away, unless strangers were present, when he thought it a point
+of honour to seem at his ease and merry.
+
+After luncheon, he liked best to ride, but against this, Mr. and Mrs.
+Lyddell set their faces, persuaded that it must be very dangerous. This,
+Lionel thought the height of unkindness; he could ride just as safely
+as in the holidays; and it was too cruel to make him give up the one
+pleasure he best liked, while he was still able to enjoy it, and though
+not sufficiently familiar with them to attempt any remonstrance, he
+became doubly discontented and sullen. He would not walk with the girls,
+but wandered far away over the downs by himself, often not coming back
+till very late, and till both his parents had been in some alarm. At
+last, after about a week, Marian ventured to expostulate; she prevailed,
+and he was allowed to resume his rides, under a restriction that it must
+never be alone. Now, taking a servant with him was an avowal of his
+misfortune which he never would endure; so Marian, who never in her life
+was afraid of what any horse could do, became his companion, and rode
+out with him a good deal, feeling him indeed a charge, but not nearly so
+heavy a one as her cousins fancied.
+
+Still, though not afraid of accidents to him or to herself, these rides
+were almost a subject of dread to Marian, daily as was their occurrence,
+for it was then that poor Lionel made up for the reserve he exercised
+with all the rest. If she could have done him any good, it would have
+been a different thing, but surely, the world did not contain, as she
+thought, a worse comforter than herself; for day after day, answer
+as she would, came the same sad strain of regrets, and laments over
+vanished plans, repelling every attempt at leading him to resignation,
+and only varied by the different moods in which he would sometimes look
+on his case as hopeless, and sometimes be angry with her for assuming
+that it was so. Still worse were the complaints of his parents, in
+which he would indulge after each fresh provocation, or rather, what he
+thought so, though she never gave him the least encouragement to talk
+in this manner, argued for them, and often blamed him; yet do what she
+would, he never was convinced. The same battle on some other ground was
+sure to recur, often the next day, and Marian, right as she knew she
+was, never felt as if she had the victory; for five times out of six, it
+was in a surly, impatient manner that he turned away from her, as they
+dismounted. She often wondered whether she ought to let him go on thus,
+whether it was right in her, if it did him harm, by confirming all his
+unpleasant feelings, or whether it might not be worse for him to let
+them rankle in his heart instead of pouring them out. It seemed too
+unkind to silence him, when he fancied such talk a comfort, and she was
+the only person in his confidence, yet what was right? what was good for
+him? Her head ached with the self debate; she felt positively worn and
+depressed, with the continued useless, harassing conversations; she knew
+he was beyond her management, yet, with all her doubts, she was too
+tender-hearted to vex him; she let him go on and only combated each
+point, instead of refusing to listen.
+
+Why would not Walter come home, the only true comforter Lionel was
+likely to find, whom he really respected and loved? Walter was by this
+time ordained, yet he did not propose coming home; indeed Marian had
+not even heard whether he had written, and she was inclined to think he
+could not have been informed of the state of things at home.
+
+At length, when Lionel had been at home nearly a month, there came one
+morning a letter directed to him. His mother and Clara both offered to
+read it for him, but he gruffly refused, glanced it over, and put it in
+his pocket. He loitered through the morning, and rode with Marian in the
+afternoon. As they happened to meet with some entertaining subject of
+conversation, the ride was more cheerful than usual, and she hoped she
+had escaped the ordinary discussion; but when he helped her to dismount
+under the portico, he said, "Don't go in just yet. Come and take a turn
+in the plantations."
+
+Her heart sank at the task that was coming, but she would not disappoint
+him, and gathering up her habit, she followed his quick steps. As soon
+as they were out of sight of the house, he produced the letter, saying,
+"Here, read me this."
+
+"O! I was in hopes that you could."
+
+"I thought I could at first, but it was only 'my dear Lionel,' that I
+could read. It was all haze after that. There is a step In these three
+weeks," he added in a voice meant to be manly and careless. "Come, let
+us hear. 'Tis from Walter, is not it?"
+
+The letter had been written on first receiving intelligence of Lionel's
+condition, which had been communicated by his father when he had to
+write about something else. Marian, as she read, rejoiced in the letter,
+it was so exactly what she wanted to have said, and yet never could
+venture on, about regarding the affliction as a cross, and bending to
+bear it patiently. She had often felt that here was the best relief, but
+she had never dared to set it openly before Lionel, fearing that her
+awkwardness, and his waywardness, might lead to his saying something
+scornful, which would be worse than all. Here it was put before him in
+just the right way, and one to which he must attend, and she watched
+eagerly for some token of the way in which he took it.
+
+He made no remark, however, seeming to hear it as a matter of course
+that Walter would say something of the kind. After asking if she was
+certain she had read all, and pointing to a few crossed lines at the
+head of the first page, to make sure that she had not missed them, he
+only said, "Then there is not a word about coming. Well, I do think he
+might come when he knows that after this time I shall never be able to
+see him."
+
+"I don't suppose he thinks of that," said Marian--"I mean perhaps
+he would not think of your caring for the mere _sight_ of him as a
+pleasure."
+
+"He does not know then," said Lionel, "I am trying to learn all your
+faces, and I don't think I shall forget them."
+
+"I am sure if he guessed you wished for him he would come that instant."
+
+"I am not going to ask him," said Lionel proudly.
+
+"What, I really think, is the reason of his stayin away," said Marian,
+hesitating, "is about Mr. Faulkner. I think more especially now he is a
+Clergyman, he will not have anything to do with him."
+
+"Ay, ay," said Lionel, "that is a reason good for something. I only
+should like to do the same, except that if I was Walter I would have
+done more long ago, instead of just keeping out of the way, and told
+Caroline it was a regular shame, and she ought not to be taken in with
+his fine speeches, and balls, and stuff."
+
+"I don't know--" said Marian.
+
+"What don't you know?"
+
+"How far even Walter would be authorised to interfere about what Mr. and
+Mrs. Lyddell approve."
+
+"Don't talk nonsense, Marian. If a thing is right, it is right, if it is
+wrong, it's wrong, and all the world ought to try to prevent it. I know
+I would, if anybody would mind me, for it makes me sick to see that man
+come into the room, and the fuss mamma makes with him. I think he grows
+worse. I declare I'd as soon see her marry Julian the Apostate! I am so
+glad he is gone to those races. I should like to ask Caroline what sort
+of happiness she expects with a man that talks of the Bible as if it was
+no better than the Iliad! I only wish he would talk so to her, perhaps
+that would shock her."
+
+"I don't think she is very happy," said Marian.
+
+"I am sure she ought not to be," was the answer.
+
+"The more talk there has been of fixing the day the more unhappy she has
+looked," said Marian. "You know she has begged the Faulkners to let it
+be put off a little longer, because she could not bear that it should be
+while you are in this doubtful state."
+
+"I did not know it," said Lionel, "and much good does it do me! A nice
+life I shall have with no one but Clara to speak to! And when is your
+marriage, Marian? Mr. Arundel's, I mean, for that is as bad."
+
+"O that will not be till next summer," said Marian: "Mrs. Wortley wishes
+Agnes to be twenty-one first, and Edmund has to build a house."
+
+And Marian was ready to forgive them for the delay when she saw how
+glad it made Lionel look. Yes, rejoiced as she must be to escape from
+Oakworthy, she could not go without a chequered feeling. If she was
+adroit at managing people, she would make Clara take the place she held
+now with Lionel, which would be good for both, but she was far too
+clumsy to bring that about; and O! what a refuge Fern Torr would be
+after all this harassing life! It would be better for Lionel not to have
+her to divert his confidence from his own family, and at any rate she
+should be there to help him through this sad autumn of uncertainty. Then
+would come the peace, rest, and guidance she had longed for all her
+life, in her own home, and that hope might well cheer her through life.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+  "The brass, by long attrition tried,
+  Placed by the purer metal's side,
+  Displays at length a dingy hue,
+  That proves its former claim untrue;
+  So time's discerning hand hath art
+  To set the good and ill apart."
+
+
+Lionel's affliction had certainly tended to lessen the gulf which the
+engagement with Mr. Faulkner had made between Caroline and Marian.
+Caroline was very anxious about her brother, and knowing that Marian had
+his confidence, was continually coming to her for reports of his state
+of mind and spirits, and with despairing questions as to what was likely
+to please him,--questions which Marian was quite unqualified to answer,
+and which were curious, since she had no tact, and Caroline had a great
+deal.
+
+Thus it came to pass, that nightly sittings by each other's bed-room
+fire were renewed, and long consultations took place, always at first
+about Lionel, but sometimes branching to things in general, even as in
+the olden time. Caroline was, however, very unlike what she had been a
+year ago, when as Marian full well remembered, they had first talked of
+Mr. Faulkner's visit. She was gayer in public, but her spirits were very
+low when alone with Marian; and now and then the conversation flagged,
+till she sat for full half an hour, her head on her hand, without a
+word. At first she would try to excuse such a reverie, by calling
+herself very tired; but as days went on, and it recurred, she smiled
+as she woke from it, and told Marian "it was such repose to be with a
+person who would let her be silent."
+
+There was much confidence in such silence. Marian began to grow even
+more sorry for her than at first, because it was impossible to continue
+to be angry; and tried in every way to show her kindness, becoming,
+unconsciously, much more demonstrative in affection than ever she had
+been before. On the day on which Lionel received the letter mentioned
+at the end of the last chapter, Caroline came into Marian's room at
+dressing-time; and after lingering about a little, she said, "Could
+Lionel read that letter to day?"
+
+Marian shook her head sadly.
+
+"He brought it to you, then?" sighed Caroline, "Ah! I saw who it came
+from."
+
+She looked wistfully at Marian, as if longing to hear something of the
+letter, though she would not ask; and Marian, though much touched, was
+determined against saying one word about it, however indifferent, as
+she felt that, without Lionel's consent, she ought to be as mute as the
+paper it was written upon. Caroline paused, then continued, "Do you
+think he will ask you to write his answer for him?"
+
+"No, I think not. You know he wrote a note to Gerald in one of my
+letters the other day. I dare say he will always be able to write; Mrs.
+Wortley has a blind friend who does."
+
+Caroline did not answer, but gazed at the fire for almost ten minutes.
+At last she said, "Poor Walter! I wonder what he is doing."
+
+"I am sure he must be making himself very useful," said Marian.
+
+"That is one thing we may be sure of," said Caroline, smiling
+mournfully. "Walter is excellent wherever he is; but O, Marian,"
+continued she, in a voice of inexpressible sadness, "who would have told
+me, a year ago, that all I should hear of Walter's ordination would be
+in the newspaper?"
+
+Marian could make no answer but some sound expressive of sorrow.
+
+"He has only written to me once since--since June!" proceeded Caroline,
+in the same utterly dejected tone.
+
+Then Walter had remonstrated, which was a great comfort to Marian, by
+restoring him to his place in her estimation. Still she maintained her
+expressive silence, and Caroline went on after another interval. "You
+and he have been consistent from the first, Marian."
+
+At that moment Fanny came in, and no more could be said, for Marian
+was obliged to dress for dinner in a hurry. She took an opportunity of
+saying to Lionel that evening, something about the pleasure it would
+give Caroline if he would tell her about his letter.
+
+"What! you have been telling her about it?" said he, in a tone of great
+vexation; "that is always the way with women--no trusting them!"
+
+"No, indeed, Lionel, I said not one word; but she saw it was Walter's
+writing."
+
+"And you went and told her I could not read it?"
+
+"If she asked me, what could I do but speak the truth?" said Marian
+gently; but he only made an impatient exclamation.
+
+"I gave not the least hint of what it was about," added Marian,
+pleadingly. "Of course I could not think of that, nor she either; but
+she looked as if she did so long for some news of Walter: she has not
+heard from him since the summer."
+
+"That is her own fault," said Lionel, in his surly voice.
+
+"That only makes it the worse for her. She is so much out of spirits,
+Lionel; and if you would only tell her that part about his schools and
+his lodging, I am sure she would be so much obliged to you."
+
+"I shan't do any such thing," was his reply; "I always keep my letters
+to myself, and I wish you would not talk about me."
+
+He turned sharply away, and crossed the room; but his temper was not
+improved by the consequences of his stumbling over a footstool which had
+been left full in the way, and in rather a dark place, where it would
+have been a trap for any one. He recovered in an instant without
+falling; so that it would not have signified if Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell
+had not both been startled. The former issued an edict that no
+stumbling-block should be left in the way, and the latter entered upon
+an investigation as to who had been the delinquent in the present case,
+so as to make a great deal of discussion of the very worst kind for
+Lionel.
+
+Thenceforth the evening was uncomfortable. Marian felt as if she
+was guilty of all, and was extremely provoked with herself for that
+blundering way of driving at her point, which made things worse when she
+most wanted to set them right. She had not comforted Caroline, and
+she had led poor Lionel to fancy his confidence betrayed, and himself
+discussed and--as he would call it--gossiped about. No wonder he looked
+as if she had been injuring him; yet, unjust as it was, she had only her
+own mal-adroitness to blame. A person of tact would have smoothed it all
+at once, instead of ruffling everything up.
+
+The tact Marian longed for is a natural talent; the consideration, the
+delicacy of feeling, that she really had, were a part of her sterling
+goodness, such as may be acquired by all; and her thorough truth,
+trustiness, kindness, and above all her single-mindedness, had a value,
+where she was really known, which weighed down, in the long run, all
+that was involuntarily against her in manner, and won her not only
+esteem, but such warm affection, such thorough reliance, as neither she
+herself, nor those who felt it could fathom. Tact is an excellent thing,
+but genuine love to our neighbour, seeking to show true kindness,
+delicacy, and consideration,--striving in fact to do as it would be done
+by,--is as much more precious, as a spiritual gift is than a natural
+quality.
+
+That very night, as Marian was sitting in her own room in her
+dressing-gown, pondering on these unfortunate blunders, there was a
+knock at her door, and in came Caroline. Sitting down by the fire, she
+held out a letter on two or three sheets of closely written notepaper.
+"Read that, Marian," said she, turning her face straight, to the fire as
+she gave it.
+
+It was from Walter, and the date showed that it had been written,
+immediately on receiving the announcement of Caroline's engagement.
+It was grave, earnest, and affectionate; not accusing Mr. Faulkner of
+anything, not positively objecting to him, but reminding Caroline of the
+solemnity of the duties she was about to undertake, and of the extreme
+danger of allowing herself to be so attracted by agreeableness of
+manner, or led on by the opinion of those around her, as to forget that
+the connection she was about to form was to last for life, and that she
+must be responsible for the influence her husband would exercise on her
+life here, and therefore on her life hereafter. He said he was sure she
+could not enter lightly on such an engagement, and therefore trusted
+that her own mind was thoroughly convinced that she had chosen one
+who would be a guide, an aid, and a support in the path that all were
+treading.
+
+It was exactly Walter's way, as Marian well knew, to manage to say, in
+his simple, and as he thought, guarded manner of representing things,
+what to sharper people had very much the air of irony; and as she gave
+back the letter, her observation, as the first that would occur, was,
+"It is very like Walter."
+
+"Very," said Caroline.
+
+"Did you answer him?"
+
+"I wrote again, but--but"--her voice began to fail--"it was not an
+answer. I would not seem to understand him. I wrote a lively, careless
+sort of letter, and only said papa and mamma were delighted, or
+something of that kind. And O, Marian, Marian, he has never written to
+me again, and I have deserved it." She burst into tears.
+
+"But why don't you write now? He must be very anxious to hear of Lionel,
+and there is no one to tell him."
+
+"I cannot," she replied; "I cannot, while--while he thinks of me as he
+must--as he ought!" She wept bitterly, and Marian stood by perplexed and
+distressed. "Dear Caroline," was the utmost that she could say.
+
+"Marian!" cried Caroline, looking up for a moment, then hiding her face
+again--"I would give anything in the world that he had been at home last
+summer; or that you had slept at High Down that night."
+
+A flash of hope and joy came across Marian. "If you think so," she
+began, but Caroline cut her short. "I know what you mean, but that it?
+impossible, quite Impossible--decidedly so," she added, as if these
+assurances were to strengthen her own belief in its impossibility, and
+not arguing, from a consciousness that her friend would overthrow every
+one of her arguments. "I don't know what made me come to you, and tease
+you," said she, rising and taking her letter; "good night."
+
+"Tease me! O, Caroline, Caroline, you know--"
+
+What she knew was lost in a most affectionate embrace; but Caroline
+would not stay any longer, and left Marian as usual, regretting
+everything that had passed.
+
+The nest night, however, Caroline came again, as if there was some
+irresistible spell that drew her to Marian. It was Sunday, and Marian
+had long since observed that on such days Caroline was always most out
+of spirits. She sat down, and let a long time pass without talking; but
+at last she said, "Marian, it is very kind in you to let me come and sit
+here. You cannot--no--you will never know how wretched I am."
+
+"My dear, dear Caroline, if I could but do anything for you! but," she
+proceeded, gathering resolution from her day's reflections, "you are the
+only person who can do anything for yourself."
+
+"Impossible!" repeated Caroline.
+
+Marian was not exactly silenced, but involved in deep considerations
+as to the propriety of interfering, and whether attempting to persuade
+Caroline would be doing evil that good might come. Before she had made
+up her mind,--as, indeed, how could she in five minutes come to a
+conclusion to which hours of previous perplexity had failed to bring
+her?--Caroline spoke again, "If it had but never begun! but now it has,
+it must go on."
+
+"I don't know--"
+
+"It must, I tell you!" repeated Caroline. "If it had all to begin over
+again, it would be very different. O, if it was but this time last
+year!"
+
+"But Caroline, Caroline," repeated Marian, carried away by the thought
+that rose to her lips, "only think; you say now if it was this time last
+year--now, while you can escape. Shall not you say so all the more when
+it is really too late,--when you will wish you had drawn back now?"
+
+"You have no right to say I should wish, that!" said Caroline, offended.
+"You don't know what the love is that you are holding so cheaply."
+
+"I beg your pardon, Caroline," and Marian was thrown into herself again;
+but she thought a little longer, and seeing that Caroline was still
+waiting and musing, she ventured on saying, in a timid voice, "Somehow,
+I think, it would seem to me that the more affection there was, the more
+painful it would all be."
+
+"You are right there, Marian," exclaimed Caroline, in a voice of acute
+feeling.
+
+It was a strange question that Marian next asked abruptly, on an impulse
+sudden at the moment, though it was what she had long eagerly desired to
+know. "Do you love him after all?"
+
+Caroline did not seem vexed by the inquiry, but went on speaking rather
+as if she was examining herself as to the answer,--"Love him? I don't
+know; sometimes I think I do, sometimes I think not. It is not as
+people in books love, and--and it can't be as your Agnes must love Mr.
+Arundel."
+
+A most emphatic "O no!" escaped from Marian, she hardly knew how, as if
+it was profanation to compare Mr. Faulkner to Edmund; and perhaps the
+strongest proof that Caroline's was not a real attachment, was that she
+let it pass. "But then," pursued she warmly, "I am sure he is attached
+to me--yes, very much--and--well, and I am glad to see him come into the
+room; I like to walk with him. There is no one--no--no one in the whole
+world whom I like so well. All my doubts and fears go away at the first
+sound of his voice, and I am quite happy then. O, Marian, that surely is
+love?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian; "I can't fancy love that has not begun with
+esteem, with looking up,"
+
+"I do look up!" said Caroline, eagerly. "He is so clever, so sensible,
+has such a mind."
+
+"I did not mean looking up intellectually,"
+
+"Ah! you can live in that way," said Caroline, quickly; "your own people
+are all of _that sort_. But you know I should never have had any one at
+all to love, if I had begun looking for _that kind of thing_, even at
+home."
+
+Too true, thought Marian, while she answered, "It is a different thing
+where you have to begin afresh, and take it voluntarily upon you."
+
+"Voluntarily!" repeated Caroline; "I am sure my will had very little
+to do with it. I found myself in the midst of it, without knowing how,
+before I had made up my mind one way or the other. O, Marian! if you had
+but been with me that morning."
+
+"Would that have prevented you?"
+
+"I do really believe it would. You would have looked as if you thought
+it so impossible, that I should have been strengthened up to do
+something they could not have taken for consent. I'll tell you all about
+it, Marian, from the beginning, and you will see how little free will I
+had in it, and how distracted I am now."
+
+Caroline went through the whole story, incoherently, and often only half
+expressing her sentiments, and passing over what Marian knew already.
+It seemed that she had been pleased with Mr. Faulkner's agreeableness,
+flattered by his attention, and entered upon the same sort of
+intercourse with him as with any other pleasant acquaintance. It would
+never have been her way, brought up as she had been, to shrink from him
+with such shuddering aversion as Marian did, simply from what she had
+heard of his opinions. He was so agreeable, that it was just as well
+quite to forget that, or only half to believe it. Then came the growing
+perceptions of his intentions towards her, and of her mother's triumph
+in them. But this was not till the archery arrangements were so far
+advanced, that she could not have drawn back from them; and she was,
+besides, in a whirl of gaiety and excitement that left little time for
+serious thought: that she put off till his offer should be made, if it
+was really coming. It came, and when she did not expect it. She knew
+not what to do she was too confused for consideration. The next day was
+bewilderment, and in the evening she found herself engaged. The new
+sensation given her by her lover's affection, her genuine admiration of
+his personal superiority, and wonder at herself for having attracted
+such a man,--her gratitude to his family for their kindness, the triumph
+of her parents,--all formed such a mixture of pleasurable, almost
+intoxicating feelings, as at first to giddy her, (or, as the French will
+express it, _l'etourdir_,) as to what she had done, and what she
+was about to do. Marian's grave, still face, and omission of one
+congratulatory, even of one sympathetic word, were indeed witnesses; but
+the impression of her unaccommodating ways was then recent, and
+Caroline thought of her as one who showed goodness to be unpleasing and
+impracticable, and looked on her silent disapproval as part of that
+system of severity in which, she was consistent, but which her conduct
+only proved to be absurd and unreasonable.
+
+In the same spirit Caroline disregarded Walter's letter,--only a letter,
+which could therefore be laid aside, and which, in truth, did not say
+all he meant as forcibly or as well as it might have been said, since,
+as every one knew, Walter was more good than clever. A tenderness of
+feeling, reminding her that Walter loved her, would not let her destroy
+the letter, or be offended; but she intrenched herself in her parents'
+satisfaction, and being resolved not to attend to it, she would not seem
+to understand it. So time passed; at first she was really not exactly
+happy, but possessing what passed very well for happiness with herself
+and every one else; then came a time when an effort became necessary to
+persuade herself that she was so. It was not that Mr. Faulkner showed
+his character more openly, or startled her with any such plain
+expressions as had so much shocked Lionel; for he held that most subtle
+and perilous of all views partaking of unbelief,--that Christianity was
+the best and most beautiful form of religion yet promulgated, that it
+was all very well now for women and weak-minded people, and it was a
+step to some wonderful perfectibility, which was a sort of worship of an
+essence of beauty and intellect.
+
+He did not say such things to her, but they were the principles on which
+all his sentiments were founded: and as she knew him mire and more
+intimately, compared and discussed their tastes and likings, and the
+grounds on which they were formed, there were tokens, which could not
+help now and then showing themselves, of those opinions of which Marian
+had warned her.
+
+Very slow was she to admit the conviction, for she was growing much
+attached to him; and whenever he praised the beauty, the poetry, the
+morality, the majesty of anything belonging to religion, she caught at
+it and silenced all her doubts with it,--hoped she had silenced them for
+ever,--but the perception would return that it was only the beauty that
+he praised, because it was beauty, and struck him as such. Shade upon
+shade, imperceptible in itself, but each tint adding to its depth,
+the cloud of misgiving darkened, and though she tried to fight it
+off,--though she told herself it was too late,--though she was very
+angry with herself for it, there it still hung; and the ever-present
+consciousness of Marian's disapproval heightened it, till in impatient
+moods she began to dislike Marian, and wish her out of the house,
+
+Then came the news of Edmund Arundel's engagement, rousing Marian into
+such a glow of warm-hearted delight, as to waken Caroline to a complete
+sense of her power of affection, as well as of the contrast of the
+manner in which she regarded the prospects of her two friends. Caroline
+grew more unhappy, and strove both against her own growing wretchedness,
+and an almost magnetic attraction, which drew her to impart it all to
+Marian, in spite of the chill with which it would be first met, and of
+the advice which could never be taken; whilst a yearning, longing desire
+for the long-suspended intercourse with Walter, and a sense of his
+displeasure, formed no slight portion of her miserable feelings. The
+arrangements for her marriage she looked on as part of her destiny,--at
+any rate, they occupied her mind; and there would be an end, after that,
+of these dreadful and vain doubts.
+
+In the midst of all this, poor Lionel's threatened misfortune gave
+Caroline, as it were, a glimpse down a long dark road, where nothing had
+ever yet caused her to look; yet who could say whether it might not
+be her's to tread it? Affliction, sickness, sorrow, death, certain at
+last,--there was but one stay in them; and what if she should lose
+it,--if she was losing it already? I She thought of bearing them with
+_him_,--of the hollowness, the fallacy, the utter misery of trying to be
+sustained by aught that had not its foundations firmly fixed beyond the
+grave,--of not looking as sorrow as fatherly chastisement. (Caroline
+hardly yet entered into its still higher claim,) or at death as the gate
+of life. And O! if she loved him as her husband, what would it be to see
+him die, thinking, or even having thought, as he too surely did? All the
+train of fallacies about sincerity rather than forms of faith,--all the
+hopes that he might yet be brought to see the truth, and that she might
+be the means, were only soporifics for a moment, which failed to still
+the ever growing agony. She knew there was nothing in them, and that
+they were only extenuations; but still, amid all her unhappiness, there
+was a resolution to persevere, a want of moral courage which determined
+her to go on, and enter on such a life as this, rather than go through
+all that would ensue on an attempt to break off the match. Thus, though
+her reluctance was increasing, and she now sought to put off the
+decisive day, instead of precipitating it, as at first, all she
+attempted was to have the wedding deferred in consequence of her
+brother's condition; and though, logically taken, there was no great
+reason in the request, every one agreed it was a very amiable feeling,
+and so her desire was complied with. She would have avoided Marian more
+than ever, but this could hardly be, now that her cousin was in fuller
+sympathy, with all the family than she had ever been before; and little
+as was her immediate power with Lionel, Caroline would have given worlds
+even for that. Thus, as has been shown, the old sympathy grew up again;
+the root, blighted months ago, shot out once more, and at last accident
+and impulse led Caroline to do what she had little expected ever to have
+done,--to pour out all her griefs, cares, and doubts to Marian, knowing
+all the time what she would say, and resolved against her advice, yet
+irresistibly impelled to go on, as if talking would relieve her of her
+burthen, and resting on the solid, firm truth of that deep love, which
+manifested itself by few tokens indeed, but those were of extreme worth.
+
+The confession was a perplexity and a sorrow to Marian while it was
+being made, though she was very glad it had been done; and how intense
+were the affection and compassion for Caroline that filled her heart is
+beyond all power of narration. She answered with earnest sympathy, at
+each step helped out the broken words, and showed her comprehension of
+the pauses. She was a perfect listener in all but one respect; she
+would not give the counsel Caroline wanted; and she would not have been
+Marian, she would not have had her own reality and bracing severity, if
+she had. She could not cheer Caroline up, bid her banish fear, and look
+forward to happiness; she could not even tell her there was no help for
+it: she only said, "I don't know," and sat considering whenever Caroline
+reiterated that it was impossible, and too late.
+
+Some power those "I don't knows" had beyond eloquence; for when Caroline
+had seven times fully proved how entirely out of the question any
+attempt to escape from her destiny would be, she ended by asking, in
+quite a different tone, "What would you have me do?"
+
+The reply was, of course, "I don't know;" but this was immediately
+followed by a repetition of the former counsel, "Write to Walter."
+
+Caroline could not--would not; it would be of no use: poor Walter should
+not be tormented. If, in his strict sense of right, he chose to come and
+try, as he would think, to save her, there would be nothing but uproar
+and confusion in the family; and to think of him, with his timidity,
+bringing his father's anger on himself for her sake, seemed to her
+at the moment beyond all things dreadful. No, no, no, it was utterly
+impossible; and therewith the fire being out, and the clock striking
+two, Caroline thanked Marian for her kindness, said it was all of no
+use, kissed her, and bade her good night.
+
+Marian thought no good was done, and only made herself very unhappy at
+seeing her led, by weakness, to sacrifice herself against her better
+judgment. The next night, Caroline came again, and the conversation was
+resumed, or rather gone over again, with no more satisfactory result
+than before; and so it was the next, and the next. To be comforter and
+adviser sounds like a delightful privilege, and so, thought Marian, it
+would be, if one could only do it; but to have all the opportunity,--to
+have people coming for comfort, and not in the least be able to afford
+it, neither to relieve them, nor to be sure that she had not done them
+harm was to the highest degree painful and unsatisfactory. And from
+Lionel's repinings to Caroline's doubts, she went, suffering for each,
+equally unable to console either, and wondering which was the saddest
+case. Lionel's was, she thought, far the best, if he would but perceive
+it; but then Caroline's might yet be remedied, if she had but strength
+for one struggle. All that Marian could do without mistrust, was to pray
+for them both, and to pray that she might not be the means of doing them
+harm.
+
+She saw how wrong it would be in her, personally to interfere between
+Caroline and her parents' wishes; and it was this that made her adhere
+to that one piece of advice, that Walter should be written to, since on
+his judgment and sense of right there was the most absolute reliance;
+and, both as brother and Clergyman, he was by far the most proper person
+for Caroline to consult, or to act for her.
+
+For three days, however, it was all in vain, Caroline would not write;
+and she began to despair, and to grow angry with the feebleness that
+would not take one step in the right direction. On the fourth, Caroline,
+who the night before had seemed as averse as ever, showed her, as she
+crossed the hall on the way to luncheon, a letter directed to
+the Reverend Walter Lyddell. Her heart leapt, but as she smiled
+satisfaction, she saw Caroline's face so wan, dejected, and miserable,
+that she could not make herself too happy. There were other doubts, now
+that this point was gained, as to how Walter might be able to manage
+Caroline,--whether he would lead her to the right, or unconsciously turn
+her to the wrong, by his want of skilfulness; what might be his idea of
+her duty to her parents, or to her promise; whether he might think
+it right to take upon himself to advise, or whether either he or his
+sister, when it came to the point, would have nerve enough to excite
+their father's displeasure.
+
+The only thing Marian thought at all favourable, was that Elliot and Mr.
+Faulkner were both at Newmarket, and there was no present appearance of
+their coming home. Elliot was likely to make more opposition than any
+one else, and Mr. Faulkner's influence was of course to be dreaded.
+Indeed, had he been at hand, believing, as Caroline did, in his
+affection for her, it was most probable that she would never have spoken
+of her misgivings at all, and very possibly have hardly acknowledged
+them to herself.
+
+Caroline's letter had been written on Thursday. It was Monday, and no
+answer had come, which caused her to look more worn and dispirited than
+before, unable even to keep up the appearance of cheerfulness which she
+had hitherto assumed when with the rest of the family. It was a cold,
+gloomy, wintry day, with gusts of sleety rain, and no one chose to
+attempt going out, except Marian and Lionel, the former of whom was
+a systematic despiser of weather, and never was hurt by anything but
+staying in-doors, while the latter would rather have done anything than
+idle away a whole afternoon as well as a morning in the drawing-room.
+Even they thought it too bad for riding; so after making the circuit of
+the park, they went into the town, where Lionel wanted to buy a silk
+handkerchief. He had been told the day before that his neck-tie was
+growing unfit to be seen, he did not choose to ask any one to get one
+for him, and it was against his will that he was obliged to take Marian
+to secure him from buying "any thing awful," as he expressed it.
+
+The purchase prospered very well, Lionel hoped that the shopman had not
+found out how entirely he trusted to his companion for the choice, and
+was proud that his old precaution of substituting a key for a slider at
+the gold end of his purse, had saved him from making any mistakes about
+the money. They were walking away, arm in arm; it was not yet necessary
+to guide him, but Marian thought, beginning now would soften the first
+commencement of dependence. And, indeed, even in the holidays Lionel, in
+his first tail-coat, had been well-pleased to find himself man enough to
+have his arm taken by a young lady.
+
+A carriage was passing. "There is Walter!" joyfully exclaimed Marian, as
+she saw the well-known spectacled face peering from the window of one of
+the carriages from the Great Western Station.
+
+"Walter! what, come at last?" cried Lionel, looking up and frowning in
+that painful way that had become habitual to him when he strained his
+eyes to see distinctly. Walter had at the same moment spied them,
+stopped, thrown the door open, sprung out, and was shaking hands with
+them, but scarcely speaking. He turned again to order the driver to go
+on and set his things down at the house, and then joined his brother and
+cousin, looting very anxiously at Lionel, whose arm Marian had quitted,
+and still keeping silence. Marian on her side was very glad; but at the
+same time almost overcome by the thought of what this return home must
+be to Walter, and feeling a strange, solemn sensation at first meeting
+her cousin and companion, after he had become in an especial manner
+the servant of the Most High. He was Walter still, Walter with his
+near-sighted eyes, and nervous manner, yet he was so much more, and his
+clerical dress would not let her forget it for a moment.
+
+Lionel was the most unembarrassed of the three, he was very glad to
+meet his brother, and wishing to show that he could bear his troubles
+manfully, he spoke joyously, "So you have thought better of it and come
+at last, Walter; I hope it is for a good long time."
+
+"Only till Saturday," was Walter's answer.
+
+"Well, that is something, only I can't think why you did not come
+before."
+
+Walter murmured something about having been much occupied, and then
+seemed to be watching Lionel too intently to say any more. Marian
+thought the brothers would get on much better without her, and, coming
+to a cottage, said she wanted to speak to somebody in it. "O Marian, we
+will wait for you," said Walter, with a pleading look, and she saw from
+his agitated, fidgeting manner, that he was excessively nervous at the
+notion of being left to take care of Lionel back to the house.
+
+"Very well," she said, "I will not be a moment;" and delivering her
+message, which had been only devised as an excuse, she walked on with
+them, in a sort of despair as to Walter's being of any use. "If he is
+afraid to walk home with Lionel," thought she, "what will it be about
+stirring up his father? Why cannot people have a little courage?" She
+consoled herself by remembering that Walter could not know the degree of
+Lionel's blindness, and probably thought it worse than it yet was; but
+even if it had been total, she could not see that he need have been
+afraid of guiding him in the street and through the park. If it was the
+additional nervousness, of disliking to begin on so painful a subject,
+that she thought worse than all. Marian being by no means troubled with
+nerves herself, had little toleration for women who had them; and none
+at all for men. She thought the case lost, and half repented of her
+advice to write to Walter, yet she did not know what else she could
+possibly have said. Lionel talked on, told who was at home, and what
+every one was about, and when Johnny had last been heard of, all in a
+bright, lively tone, not exactly assumed, for he was much cheered by
+his brother's arrival, and yet partly from the wonted desire of showing
+himself happy. Walter did not make much reply, but when Lionel after
+saying Elliot was at Newmarket, added, "And Mr. Faulkner is there too,
+so you won't have the pleasure of an introduction," he started, and
+Marian saw the trembling of his lips.
+
+Thus they reached the house, and Lionel dashed forward In his own
+headlong way before them, to announce Walter's coming. Then Walter
+looked at Marian, saying, "Then it is not so bad yet?"
+
+"O no, it is only that he cannot see anything distinctly; he cannot bear
+not to be independent."
+
+They were entering the hall by this time, and his mother and sisters had
+come out to meet Walter, Caroline very white and trembling, and holding
+by the back of a chair instead of coming forward; Mrs. Lyddell kissed
+him, and seemed more affectionate than usual, for it had been a great
+pleasure to her to see Lionel rush in with that animated face, and a
+shout such as he used to get into disgrace for.
+
+Nothing came to pass that evening, there were no private conferences,
+and there was nothing remarkable, excepting that Lionel was quite merry
+and talkative, and Caroline more silent than ever, seeming hardly to
+attend even when Walter was sitting between her and Clara, talking to
+Marian and Lionel about the beautiful arrangements of Church and school
+in his new curacy. At night she was in such a terrible agitation,
+walking up and down the rooms so restless and wretched that Marian,
+seriously afraid she would be quite ill the next day, persuaded her with
+great difficulty, to go to bed, and did not leave her till very late at
+night, when she had read her to sleep.
+
+It was a, great relief to find her pretty well in the morning, at least
+with nothing worse than a headache. She and Walter both disappeared
+after breakfast, and did not come down till luncheon time, when she
+looked so ill that Mrs. Lyddell was alarmed and insisted on her lying
+down and keeping quiet. Then Mrs. Lyddell said that Walter ought to go
+and call on Lady Julia Faulkner, and offered to take him there. Marian
+looked at him by stealth, and could have gasped for breath, for by what
+he did now, she thought she could see what line he would take.
+
+"Thank you," he said, or rather hesitated, "but don't let me interrupt
+your plans. I thought I heard something about--about. Salisbury. I have
+something to do there."
+
+"The girls did talk of wanting to go," said Mrs. Lyddell. "Did not you,
+Marian or Clara, which was it?"
+
+"My watch wants to have something done to it," put in Lionel, whose
+father had given him a repeater, which of course began its career by
+doing anything but going properly.
+
+"Well, perhaps it will he as well to go to Salisbury to-day, as Caroline
+has this headache. She never likes going there, and she may be able to
+go with us to High Down to-morrow."
+
+So it was settled, and they left the luncheon table. Marian happened to
+be the last lady, and whether it was fancy or not she was not sure, but
+she thought she heard on Walter's lips, a self-reproachful whisper of
+"Coward."
+
+The expedition to Salisbury, in which Marian was obliged to take part,
+prevented her from seeing anything of Caroline till the evening, and
+then as soon as Clara was out of the way Caroline rose up, caught hold
+of her hand, and exclaimed, "O, Marian, what have you made me do?" then
+walked about in a paroxysm of distress, almost terrible to witness.
+
+"Caroline, dearest, O don't!" cried Marian quite frightened; "do try to
+be calm! O what is it?"
+
+"O it will all be misery!" said Caroline, sitting down and clasping her
+hands over her face, "I little knew what it would be when you made me
+write to Walter. He says it would be wickedness--yes, those were his
+words--he called it wickedness in me to go on with it, as I feel now!"
+
+"And you mean to--"
+
+"I cannot tell--I don't know--he must do as he pleases; O it will make
+me wild! He must do as he pleases, for I must be wretched either way,"
+
+"Dear Caroline--but O! how much better to be unhappy for the sake of
+doing right than when--"
+
+"Yes, yes--so he said--but O! the horror. It kills me even to think of
+what it will be! O, Marian, Marian--"
+
+"It will be over in time," said Marian; "but O! I am glad you have made
+up your mind--"
+
+"No, I have not--at least I must, I suppose--for after what Walter said
+I can't go on. Walter's words would be a dagger--O! I don't know what
+they would be, all the rest of my life if I did. No--you and Walter must
+have your own way; I am too wretched already to care what becomes of
+inc. But he--O Marian, I never can--"
+
+"If it is right you can," said Marian.
+
+"You can, but you don't know what you say to me," said Caroline. "Right
+has never been to me what it is to you."
+
+"Yes, indeed it has, dear Caroline, or you would not be making this
+struggle now. Indeed there must be strength in you, or you would have
+gone on without faltering."
+
+"Walter said he should never have spoken one word after that first
+letter, if I had not begun," said Caroline; "but when he saw my mind
+misgave me, and I wanted help, he thought it his duty to come and set
+it all before me. O, Marian, he said dreadful things; I did not think
+Walter could have been so cruel. O, such things! He made me look at the
+Marriage Service, and say how I could answer those things; and he talked
+about death and the Last Day. He said it would be a presumptuous sin,
+and a profaning of the holy ordinance for me to come to it, knowing and
+thinking and feeling as I do. O what things he said! and yet he was very
+kind to me."
+
+"Well, and--"
+
+"I left it all to him. I knew it would be misery, and I did not care in
+what way; but then, Marian, O! worse than all, he said it must be my own
+doing."
+
+"I suppose it must."
+
+"He said he would help me; but I was the only person who had a right to
+do anything! O, Marian, Marian, I wish I could die."
+
+"It will be over in time!" repeated Marian.
+
+"Yes, but it will not be over. Mamma, papa, O I shall be reproached with
+it for ever; I shall know I have made _him_ unhappy. O would that I
+could begin all over again!"
+
+"You will have comfort at last in having been strong. The greater the
+effort the nobler it is! O, Caroline, do only hold out nobly. It is so
+glorious to have something to suffer for the sake of doing right!"
+
+"Glorious!" murmured Caroline, her desponding gaze raised to contemplate
+the grand head, fine brow, firm lips, and dark glancing eye, turned up
+for a moment in the enthusiastic spirit of self-devotion. That look,
+unknowing as was Marian that she wore it, penetrated into Caroline's
+soul, and warmed her too with the temper of martyrdom. "Glorious;" she
+repeated a second time, and the tone was not so broken and hopeless as
+before.
+
+"To be sure it is!" said Marian, going on with her own thoughts, "and it
+is so seldom people can ever partake of it, in ever so slight a degree,
+in these days; I always think it so beautiful where the account is given
+of the Apostles' great joy when they found a persecution was really
+going to begin."
+
+"Persecution--yes, real persecution."
+
+"And every suffering for the sake of the truth, for conscience' sake,
+must partake a little of that, I suppose," said Marian reverently.
+
+There they were interrupted by Clara, who came to call Marian down
+stairs. Caroline came too, which the others had not expected. She was
+more calm and composed, and her headache was supposed by her mother to
+account for her want of spirits. She went to bed early, begging Marian
+to come and visit her when she came up. Marian contrived to do so as
+soon as possible, and found her already in bed, quiet and comfortable.
+"Marian," she said, "I have made up my mind. Now read to me, if you
+please."
+
+She was worn out with agitation and sleeplessness, and soothed with
+having come to a determination, she soon fell asleep, and Marian went
+to her own room, wondering over the part Walter had acted, and what he
+might be going to do next, whether he had led or driven his sister, and
+how far the courage of principle would avail to subdue natural timidity.
+
+Caroline was pretty well the next morning, but the time was broken up in
+various ways, so that it was not till the afternoon that she could see
+Walter again in private. Lionel was considerably disconcerted when he
+found himself left to Marian. He had no notion of what was going on, had
+believed Walter's return to be entirely on his account, and was much
+disappointed at not having more of his company; for though both had been
+of the party to Salisbury, one had been outside the carriage and the
+other inside, so that they had not seen much of each other, and this
+morning had been interrupted. He was so much vexed and inclined to be
+hurt, by what he felt as a slight on his brother's part, that Marian
+could not resist telling him what she knew would console him. "I don't
+think you will mind it, Lionel, when you know why it is that Caroline
+wants him."
+
+"Ha?" said Lionel, "you don't mean that she has thought better of it,
+and is going to send Julian the Apostate to the right about. Eh? You
+don't say so. Well, then there is some good in Caroline after all! But
+then what should she want of Walter?"
+
+"To help her, to advise her."
+
+"Well, if she likes, but I can't see what advice she wants. She has only
+got to make him a curtsey and say, 'Very much obliged to you, sir, but I
+had rather be excused.'"
+
+Marian could not help laughing, in spite of her deep feeling on the
+matter, and Lionel, who had acted the voice and the curtsey, laughed
+too, and then perhaps ashamed of making fun of such an affair, added,
+"It is the best news I have heard this long time. What, and that is what
+she has been so dismal about these last few days, is it?"
+
+"Yes, she has been very unhappy indeed. It is a terrible struggle."
+
+"What? she likes him, does she? Poor Cary! After all I am glad she is
+coming right again, she is very good natured, and a great deal too good
+for Ju--. Ah! you won't have him called so, I know. They have taken a
+good time for it now he is away and Elliot too, but what a tremendous
+row there will be about it. Mamma thought it was such a speculation for
+Caroline."
+
+"Yes, I am afraid she will have a great deal to go through."
+
+"Yes," said Lionel, pondering gravely for some minutes; then asking
+"What is going to be done?"
+
+"I don't know in the least; I believe she is settling with Walter
+to-day."
+
+"Then nobody knows about it yet?"
+
+There was no more to do but to have the satisfaction of talking over the
+engagement together, an occupation which put Lionel into particularly
+good spirits, and made their walk very pleasant. In the next glimpse
+which Marian had of Caroline, she learnt that Walter had undertaken to
+speak to his father that very evening. Caroline looked ghastly white as
+she said so in a whisper, but her dreadful agitation seemed to have
+left her; she had evidently quite made up her mind, though she said she
+believed it would never have been done if it had rested with her to
+begin by telling either of her parents. Both she and Marian knew that
+nothing but a spirit of moral heroism could have braced Walter to bear
+the first brunt of his father's wrath, and she was very much shocked at
+her own weakness in suffering it, but still it was much in her to allow
+it to be done.
+
+That the conversation had taken place at night, when all the rest had
+retired, was evident to Marian when they met the nest morning from the
+very dark, severe loots of Mr Lyddell, from his wife's impatient angry
+manner, and sharper, louder voice. Walter was almost absolutely silent,
+Caroline went through the forms of breakfast as if she was in a dream,
+Lionel frowned, fidgeted, and tried with all his might, poor boy, to
+scan the faces which were daily growing more obscure to his vision; even
+Clara saw something was wrong, and glanced from one to the other in a
+puzzled, alarmed manner When they left the dining-room, Marian heard
+Mrs. Lyddell say, "Caroline, I want you." She flew up to her own room,
+and hiding her face, as she knelt down, she entreated earnestly that her
+poor Caroline might have steadfastness to go through this fearful trial.
+She was interrupted by Clara, begging to know what was the matter, if
+anything was wrong about Mr. Faulkner; she thought Lionel knew, but when
+she him be would do nothing but crow like a cock. Marian would have been
+glad if she could have made any equally convenient demonstration instead
+of an answer, but she could only say that she had heard nothing of Mr.
+Faulkner, and could not tell Clara anything about the matter.
+
+"Do you know anything?" said Clara.
+
+"I do know."
+
+"Ah! you are in all Caroline's secrets now, and that is very odd; you
+who used to hate the Faulkners. Well, but are not you coming down?"
+
+In spite of his cock-crowings, Lionel was very anxious, and when in the
+course of that long desultory forlorn morning he was left alone with
+Marian, he earnestly asked her what she knew. "Nothing" was her answer.
+
+"O if Caroline will but hold out!" he exclaimed, "that will be what I
+call being good for something! I hope mamma won't be desperately angry,
+for that I could stand less than anything, it goes on so much longer
+with her than with papa."
+
+"She will be very much disappointed. O how I wish I knew what is
+happening!"
+
+It was a long time before any intelligence could be gained: Mrs. Lyddell
+was very much flushed, and looked extremely displeased when she came
+down, hardly speaking to any one but Lionel, and glancing most sternly
+at Marian, Caroline did not come down at all, and when Marian was going
+up stairs after luncheon, Mrs. Lyddell said with extreme coldness, "Do
+not go to Caroline, if you please, I wish her to be left quiet."
+
+Marian was in great consternation, since it was evident that Mrs.
+Lyddell perceived how her influence had been exerted, and was very much
+offended, indeed it was no wonder that she should be. Nothing but "very
+well" could be said so she quietly prepared to go out. Lionel had his
+brother this afternoon and did not want her, so she had only Clara for
+her companion full of surmises and of excitement. When she came in and
+was on her way to her room, Caroline opened her door. "Marian! O will
+you not come to me?" cried she imploringly.
+
+Marian could not but comply, indeed she had no hesitation, for she
+thought Mrs. Lyddell's injunction only applied to the time before she
+went out.
+
+"O, cheer me up, comfort me, Marian!" said Caroline, drawing her
+cousin's arm round her waist, "I do want it so much!"
+
+"You are going on bravely then!" said Marian, caressing her.
+
+"Bravely!" sighed Caroline; "No, indeed, but I have held firmly so far!
+I could not but stand by poor Walter, you know, when he confronted it
+all for me! I could not say much--I could only cry--but I took care they
+should not think I consented again."
+
+"And is Mrs. Lyddell very much displeased?"
+
+"O, don't speak of it, Marian. I cannot bear it."
+
+The door opened and Mrs. Lyddell entered, and the air of indignant
+surprise on seeing Marian called for an answer: "I beg your pardon, I
+thought you only meant me not to go to Caroline just after luncheon,"
+said Marian.
+
+"I wish matters, such as we have been discussing, to be confined
+entirely to our own family," replied Mrs. Lyddell, too angry not to say
+something, yet too much afraid of Marian not to say it very courteously.
+
+"Mamma!" said Caroline eagerly, "only hear me. I assure you that not one
+word did Marian ever say to me till I voluntarily went to her a week
+ago, because I was so very miserable I could bear it no longer."
+
+"I should have thought your mother the proper person to go to in such a
+case. Miss Arundel's sentiments had so long been visible, that you could
+have no doubt of the advice you would receive from her."
+
+"Mrs. Lyddell," said Marian, collecting herself, and speaking slowly,
+"I am very sorry I have appeared to act a part which I know must seem
+unjustifiable. I never spoke to--to Caroline" (the remembrance of Lionel
+prevented her from saying to any one) "of my opinion of this engagement,
+after it was formed, till she came to me for advice, in her distress. I
+could not speak against my conscience, and I tried not to forget what
+was due to you. I only begged her to write to her brother as the fittest
+person to help her, as being a clergyman. I beg your pardon for having
+acted against your wishes." So saying, Marian went out, surprised and
+alarmed at finding herself in open opposition to Mrs. Lyddell, and
+bewildered as to how she ought to have acted. Her comfort was in looking
+forward to the refuge at Fern Torr, and she smiled as she compared Mrs.
+Lyddell with her other guardian's future wife.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell wished her at Fern Torr fully as much as she did. She had
+already become jealous of Lionel's preference, and it was too galling to
+find the affection of her children stolen from her by that cold, pale,
+proud, unprepossessing girl. Had the love been on the part of Elliot or
+Walter, Mrs. Lyddell would hardly have regretted it, considering Miss
+Arundel's large fortune and high connexions; but nothing was less
+probable than this, and Marian's influence over Caroline was at present,
+in Mrs. Lyddell's eyes, only a source of mischief.
+
+Lionel was alone in the drawing-room, and met Marian eagerly inquiring
+"What news?"
+
+"I have hardly seen her. Has Walter told you nothing?"
+
+"No; he thinks I don't know, and I was not going to let on that you told
+me. Is she steady?"
+
+"Yes, so far."
+
+"That is right," said Lionel, thoughtfully, "I am very sorry for her,
+but I shall think the better of her ever after."
+
+"Have you been out with Walter?"
+
+"Yes, we have had a very nice talk."
+
+Here Walter came down, and began to talk to Marian about schools and
+lending libraries.
+
+It was a strange state of things, with all those different pairs of
+confidential friends. Both Marian and Walter were the stay and support
+of Caroline and Lionel; yet, though acting in concert, and perfectly
+agreed, not saying a word in confidence to each other on either head.
+Neither did Walter speak of Caroline to Lionel, nor Lionel, though much
+interested for her, speak to her of his affairs or her own. Clara indeed
+bestowed her communications on every one, but she got nothing in return
+that was satisfactory. Marian was the central point with all except
+Walter, but the fulness of her heart was bestowed elsewhere. And, alas!
+none saw so little of those young hearts as the parents, who had never
+earned their confidence; so that when they turn to them, it was from
+duty, as to rulers, not as to counsellors and friends.
+
+Very sore was Marian's heart that night, when she felt it her duty to
+bid Caroline good night in Mrs. Lyddell's hearing, in spite of the
+piteous, imploring glance turned upon her. Might not her support make
+all the difference now? she thought. No; shame on her for thinking that
+she could do more good than He to whose hands Caroline was trusted!
+Folly, to dream that her awkward, blundering words could be more help
+than the prayers she could pour out alone!
+
+Yet all these consolations could not prevent poor Marian from being very
+miserable, under the dread that Caroline thought her unkind, and felt
+herself deserted, after being involved in all this suffering. And O,
+should she fail! Walter must go on Saturday, and then she would be left
+to fight her battle alone.
+
+On the Friday the whole house knew what was going on. Mr. Lyddell
+himself had a conversation with Caroline, but nothing of it transpired.
+It only was evident that she still continued in the same mind, and she
+looked more wretched than ever. Marian was anxious to show her affection
+and sympathy in her manner, but her anxiety only made her cold, and dry,
+and awkward. Clara was excited and puzzled, Walter was hardly spoken to
+by father or mother; and when at breakfast on Saturday he spoke of his
+departure, the silence that he encountered seemed to express that he had
+much better not have come home at all.
+
+Marian felt fierce with indignation, and Lionel, perhaps by way of
+effusion of the same feeling, dashed his chair away from the table, and
+called out, "Mind you come back again as soon as ever you can."
+
+But the dead silence that followed was more painful and marked than it
+had been before.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+  "The flowers do fade, and wanton fields,
+  To wayward winter reckoning yields,
+  A honey tongue, a heart of gall
+  Is fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall."
+
+  SIR W. RALEIGH.
+
+
+The Sunday after Walter's departure was a very uncomfortable and
+melancholy day. It was very sad to see poor Caroline looking wan and
+suffering, and turning now and then a wistful appealing glance at
+Marian, as if intreating for the help which must not be afforded to
+her; and then at each meeting and parting, Marian was dissatisfied with
+herself for having been rendered stiff and dry instead of tender and
+consoling, by the very wish to be affectionate, which prevented her from
+being at ease. She heard from Clara that Caroline's great desire was to
+be allowed to write to Mr. Faulkner on the subject before she saw him
+again, whilst he was still in London, and that it was this which her
+parents so strongly opposed, convinced that a meeting with him would
+renew all her feelings of attachment. Marian dreaded the same, for she
+could not think Caroline's resolution sufficient to hold out in sight of
+his affection, and of his prepossessing qualities, and at the same time,
+every day that the engagement continued made it more difficult to break
+it off.
+
+One comfort was, however, that Lionel's anxiety and interest in
+Caroline's affairs, were drawing his attention from his own trouble, and
+he was much less irritable and unhappy than before. Perhaps this might
+have been in part owing to his conversations with Walter, who could
+venture on giving him more lessons on the right principle of endurance
+than Marian had ever dared to put before him. She was more pleased than
+she had been for a long time, when as they were walking together in the
+plantations, after evening service, he said with some abruptness and
+yet with some hesitation, "Marian, didn't you once read something with
+Gerald in the morning?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, sure of what the something meant.
+
+"Do you do it still by yourself?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Then I wish----. Would you mind reading to me?"
+
+"The Psalms and Lessons? O, Lionel, I should be so glad I Only could you
+get up in time? for I don't know when to do it except before breakfast."
+
+"To be sure I could get up in time. I only lie in bed because there is
+nothing to do, and nobody to speak to."
+
+"Well then, will you meet me in the schoolroom at eight o'clock in the
+morning?"
+
+"Very well."
+
+No more was said, but Lionel kept his appointment. It was, as Marian
+guessed a recommendation of his brother's. Walter had asked him to get
+one of his sisters to read to him, and Lionel had made the request to
+Marian, as his real sister, though he had never told Walter whether he
+meant to take his advice.
+
+The next Sunday, Marian, on coming down after dressing for dinner, was
+surprised to find Elliot standing by the fire. He just inclined his
+bead, and moved his lips by way of greeting.
+
+"When did you come home?" said she drily.
+
+"Half-an-hour ago."
+
+The answer was brief and with no encouragement to say more. She thought
+he looked dark and moody, and, taking up a book, was silent. The next
+time the door opened, it was Lionel who entered. He frowned and gazed
+up, perceiving the figure but not able to make it out. "Ha, Lionel! How
+d'ye do?" said Elliot in a short, gruff, indifferent voice; without
+moving or attempting to shake hands, without any token that he thought
+of Lionel's misfortune.
+
+Lionel's equally indifferent tone, "How d'ye do?" was sign enough to
+Marian that he was hurt. He came and sat by her, talked fast and low,
+and laughed several times in the constrained manner he used to put on by
+way of bravado; Elliot all the time taking no notice. The others soon
+made their appearance. Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell had seen him before, and to
+his sisters his greeting was much in the same style, hardly vouchsafing
+any recognition of Caroline at all.
+
+The cloud was thicker and darker than ever all dinner time. Mr. and Mrs.
+Lyddell tried in vain to talk, he answered them in a short snappish way
+which he was apt to assume whenever his father made any attempt to check
+his extravagance.
+
+The ladies and Lionel were glad to get into the drawing-room, and leave
+him and his father to themselves. Tea came and they did not appear, ten
+o'clock struck, half-past, and they came not. The ladies were putting
+away their books, and thinking of wishing good night when suddenly the
+door was thrown open, and in tramped Mr. Lyddell, red with passion,
+while behind him came Elliot, with less of violence, but with a dark
+scowl of resentment on his downcast and always unpleasant face.
+
+"Caroline!" began Mr. Lyddell, in a voice of thunder, and great was the
+alarm of all, for her sake, as she turned pale and trembled. "Caroline!
+You have my full consent to do as you please. You may break with
+Faulkner to-morrow, if you like!"
+
+Some discovery! thought Marian, transfixed with wonder and hope;
+Caroline sat still but for her trembling, her face bent down, and her
+hands nervously clasped together.
+
+"Now, sir," proceeded Mr. Lyddell, turning round on Elliot, "you see if
+I am the tyrant you would make me. You see if I am going to force my
+daughter into a marriage against her wish--sacrifice my whole family
+because I have an ill-conditioned scamp of a good-for-nothing son. You
+see."
+
+"I do see, sir," muttered Elliot; "and you'll see whether you like the
+consequences."
+
+Marian thought she had better be out of this family scene, and had her
+hand on the door, but Mr. Lyddell called out "Stay here! Marian! I
+don't care if all the world heard me. He thinks he can threaten me into
+tyranny over her inclinations, and I tell him she is as free as air! I
+vow----."
+
+"Mr. Lyddell! do consider, do think," expostulated his wife; "I daresay
+Elliot was a little too vehement a partizan for his friend----."
+
+"Friend! Pshaw! He care for his friend!" said Mr. Lyddell scornfully.
+"'Tis for himself he is a partizan, I tell you. Nothing else does he
+care a straw for. 'Tis for nothing but the saving of her fortune that he
+would have me persecute his sister into this marriage! Aye! he has the
+face to tell me so! and what more do you think he comes and says to me!
+Why! that Lionel will be nothing but a burthen for ever! A pretty pass
+things are come to when he speaks after that fashion of his own brother!
+He cared for his friend, indeed!"
+
+"No one ever thought of compelling Caroline," pleaded Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"But I tell you he did," interrupted her husband. "I told him I was very
+sorry, but I could not help it; if she would have her own way, I could
+not make her marry the man against her will, and he answers in his
+sneering way that it is all nonsense, he would be bound to make her give
+up in no time--any man could bring a girl to reason. As if I was to
+persecute my daughter to force her into what she tells me is against her
+conscience. Better too much conscience than none at all, I tell you,
+Master Elliot."
+
+"We had better bring this scene to an end, sir," said Elliot sullenly.
+"We understand each other."
+
+So saying, he took up his candle and flung out of the room. The girls
+were but too glad to escape, and Lionel followed them, leaving Mr. and
+Mrs. Lyddell to themselves.
+
+Caroline and Clara both were trembling like aspen leaves, each threw an
+arm round Marian's waist, and leant against her as soon as they were
+out of the room. She had been startled and trembling before, but their
+fright seemed to give her firmness; and it was well, for Caroline's
+knees shook so much, and she was so nervous that she could hardly have
+reached her room without support. Clara began to exclaim, but Marian
+stopped her, made her fetch some camphor julep, helped Caroline to
+undress, and put her to bed. Caroline hardly spoke all the time, but
+as Marian bent over her to kiss her, and wish her good night, she
+whispered, "I may soon be able to have you again, dear Marian!"
+
+Marian went to bed, wondering at all that had passed, indignant with
+Elliot, pleased with Mr. Lyddell, hopeful for Caroline, and cheered by
+finding that she had not been thought unkind.
+
+She heard doors opened and shut, and the trampling of feet the next
+morning, and when Lionel met her in the schoolroom for their reading,
+he told her that be had been overtaken by Elliot running down stairs at
+full speed; and had only just time to clear out of his way. "And hark!
+is not there something at the front door? Look out, Marian."
+
+Marian looked from the window. "Yes! It is his dog-cart. Can he be going
+away, Lionel?"
+
+"Going off in a rage!" said Lionel, looking grave; "I thought there was
+mischief in his voice last night."
+
+"Yes, there is his portmanteau," said Marian, in a tone of
+consternation; for little as she liked Elliot, it was too shocking to
+see a son thus leave his father's roof.
+
+"It is a pretty piece of work," said Lionel. "He has been coming it a
+little too strong for my father, it seems! Well, poor Caroline will be
+let alone, that is one good thing; but I am afraid he will go and get
+into some tremendous scrape, if it is only for the sake of spiting my
+father."
+
+"It is very dreadful!" said Marian, sighing.
+
+"I am very glad my father was so angry, though!" said Lionel. "Wanting
+him to drive poor Caroline into it by unkindness! That was a little too
+bad!"
+
+"Yes, indeed," said Marian. "But O! here he comes out of the door with
+his cigar. He is getting in! There he goes! O, Lionel!"
+
+They both were silent for some little time. Then Marian took up the
+prayer-book, and began the Psalm, and when she heard Lionel's voice
+join in the Doxology, a thrill came home to her, making her feel that
+blindness might yet be indeed the blessing to him that faith taught her
+to know it must be. How much better to be thus than like his brother.
+
+When they met the others at breakfast, it proved that they alone knew of
+the departure; Mr. Lyddell interrogated Elliot's servant, and heard from
+him that he had orders to follow his master to Paris as soon as he had
+packed up his goods. This was all that could be learnt, and all that
+Marian could make out as to what had passed, was that he had been
+strongly averse to Caroline's engagement being broken off, that he
+had tried to induce his father to insist upon it, and to drive her to
+overcome her reluctance by what could be only understood as domestic
+persecution, and that in short he had allowed his unfeeling selfishness
+to appear to such a degree, that it had positively revolted his father,
+whose displeasure had long been excited by the extravagance that had
+been causing serious inconvenience, and who instantly, while under the
+influence of his first indignation, resolved to show that he would
+not be domineered over, nor sacrifice the rest of the family to the
+extravagance which he had already too freely supplied.
+
+Mr. Lyddell had given his consent while angry, and he could not retract
+it when he was cool. Caroline therefore might write her letter as soon
+as she pleased. She had nothing to dread from him; indeed, as if out of
+opposition to Elliot, he was kinder to her than he had ever been before,
+called her "my dear" more than once, and observed on her pale looks. Her
+mother spoke little to her, and that little was cold and unkind, while
+she looked so vexed and unhappy that even Marian had some feeling for
+her, and what must it have been for her own daughter? However, all open
+opposition was withdrawn, and Caroline had only herself to struggle
+with. There was no reason why she should not once more seek comfort from
+Marian, yet all that day she kept at a distance, and it was not till the
+next evening that she came into Marian's room, and sinking into a chair,
+murmured, "I have done it."
+
+"Written your letter?"
+
+"Sent it."
+
+"O, I am so glad!"
+
+"Glad?"
+
+"Yes, but you will be glad when it is over."
+
+"O!" sighed Caroline, incredulously. "You know nothing about it.
+Marian."
+
+"Every one must be glad to have done right," said Marian, firmly.
+
+"O what a week it has been! And I have sown dissension in the family!
+And no one can tell what may be the consequence with Elliot! And he will
+be unhappy! O! Marian--I wish--I wish you had let me go on my own way
+and be miserable alone," added she with a kind of anger.
+
+"It was your own doing," said Marian gently; "you felt it to be right.
+Only worse misery could come of your going on, for that would have been
+positive wrong; now it must and will get better."
+
+"I don't know," sighed Caroline. "I never knew till now how much I cared
+for him! O, Marian!" and she burst into a hearty fit of crying.
+
+Marian was perplexed, as she always was when any one cried, and stood
+without a word till Caroline had relieved herself by tears, and began to
+speak again. It was very sad and melancholy, and it was very difficult
+to find anything to answer; Marian could see no consolation but that
+"it was right," and that did not seem to have much effect on Caroline;
+while, added to the former trouble of renouncing the man who loved her,
+and of grieving her parents, there was the dread of what Elliot might do
+in his anger.
+
+However, the being able to pour everything out to so true a friend was
+more of a comfort than anything that, could have been said to her. She
+told Marian that she had gone through the conversations with her father
+and mother better than she could have thought possible. She could not
+desert poor Walter, that was one thing that helped her, she must stand
+by him, and papa was not half so angry as she expected. It seemed as if
+her strength had grown with each occasion for it. The first effort of
+writing to Walter had cost her most of all, then the allowing him to
+break the matter to her father had been dreadful; but after all, the
+conferences with her parents, singly and together, had not been as bad
+as the fear of them, and Marian tried to persuade her that it would be
+the same when she saw Mr. Faulkner, but poor Caroline shook her head,
+and said Marian knew nothing about it. And Marian was much of the same
+opinion, and held her peace, but before the end of the conversation she
+had the great pleasure of hearing Caroline say, "The thought of being
+able to have you again has been the one great help to me through all!"
+
+Two days after this, as Marian and Lionel were going out riding
+together, Marian exclaimed, "I do believe that is Mr. Faulkner!"
+
+"Where?"
+
+"Riding on the Salisbury road," said Marian; "I am sure it is his
+horse."
+
+"Don't let us meet him! can't we get out of the way?" said Lionel.
+"Aren't we somewhere near the thorny lane?"
+
+"No, but we might ride off on the Down. Only take care, Lionel; you had
+better keep close to me," said Marian, much more unwilling to meet Mr.
+Faulkner than to conduct Lionel through the ups and downs of the green,
+chalky common.
+
+She watched and guided his pony up the bank and upon the Down, and on
+they trotted fast, for Marian was actuated by a very undignified fit
+of terror lest she should meet Mr. Faulkner, towards whom she felt
+positively guilty, nor did she wish to be seen fleeing from him.
+
+"We must be out of sight of the road by this time, aren't we?" said
+Lionel.
+
+"I don't know," Marian turned her head to see. At that moment Lionel's
+pony stepped into a hole, stumbled, and when she looked back again,
+there was Lionel on the ground. Her head swam with fear, but the next
+moment Lionel was on his feet and laughing.
+
+"Not hurt, Lionel! are you sure?"
+
+"Not a bit! Is that Sorrel?"
+
+Sorrel was rushing off with his bridle loose, and Marian began to dread
+having Mr. Faulkner's assistance in catching him. "Stand still, Lionel!"
+she called, and then riding between Sorrel and the road, she managed to
+turn him towards a long hedge that crossed the Down, saw him stop to eat
+a tuft of grass, made a grasp at his bridle, but failed, while he dashed
+off across the Down, happily not towards the road.
+
+She called to Lionel, told him of her ill success, and begged him not to
+move, while she again pursued the runaway, and a long dance he led her,
+far out of sight of Lionel. Once she had considerable hopes, when she
+came in sight of a shepherd boy, who stood in amaze at the lady in chase
+of the runaway steed, then came up with a run to cut off its course, but
+so awkwardly that the pony was still more frightened, and galloped off
+in another direction faster than ever! Poor Marian! However after full
+half an hour, she succeeded in hunting him into a narrow place between
+two fields, ending in a gate, caught safely hold of the rein, kept it
+fast, and at length led Sorrel back in triumph to the spot where poor
+Lionel stood still patiently. She called out to him as soon as she came
+near enough to make her voice heard, and he answered, and walked forward
+to meet the dark shapes, which were all that he could see.
+
+Marian feared that he would be very much mortified at having been
+obliged to remain thus helpless, while a girl was doing what he would
+have so much enjoyed, and she looked anxiously at his face, alas! she
+could look there now without his knowing it. It was disconsolate, but
+the look was not bitter. She held Sorrel while he mounted, and she then
+apologized for having been so long, and said she feared he had thought
+she had forgotten him. He made not much reply, did not even ask how she
+had managed to catch the pony. Marian conducted him safely into the road
+before she would speak again. He did, however, congratulate himself on
+not having been obliged to be beholden to Mr. Faulkner for catching
+the pony, as well as on Sorrel's not having gone home to tell the tale
+himself.
+
+"Yes, indeed, they would have been terribly frightened," said Marian.
+
+"Ay, and if they once knew of my tumble, they would never let us go out
+riding again."
+
+"But, Lionel, we must tell," said Marian.
+
+"Just like a girl!" grumbled Lionel. "Then there's an end of all our
+rides, and all the comfort that I have in life."
+
+"I don't know," said Marian. "At any rate I can't ride with you, I
+should not think it right, unless Mr. Lyddell knew of this fall. It is
+my concern and not yours, for it was all through my carelessness."
+
+"You go on just as if you were a child still," said Lionel, still cross.
+
+"Well, Lionel, I believe the only way is to manage ourselves as if we
+were children still."
+
+"All very fine," was Lionel's surly answer, and they rode on, while
+Marian was very unhappy. She blamed herself for having given way to a
+foolish fit of nervous bashfulness, which had led to what might have
+been a serious accident to her especial charge. It had further made a
+very unpleasant confession needful, and Lionel's vexation and irritation
+seemed to have overcome all his late improvement. The thought of what
+poor Caroline was going through was enough to stifle everything else,
+and Marian wondered at herself, as for a sort of unkindness, in having
+been so fully occupied as to have had no time for anxiety.
+
+Both had been very silent ever since Lionel's reply, until Marian asked
+him to strike his repeater. It was half-past five, and they turned
+homewards, taking a bye road so as to avoid meeting Mr. Faulkner. And
+now Lionel began to talk of Caroline, and wonder how she had sped. He
+seemed to throw off his own private troubles as he talked of hers, and
+his fit of petulance was melting fast away. At last he made up his mind
+to inquire how she had caught Sorrel, and was positively interested in
+the narration, laughing at the idea of the scrape they would have been
+in if Sorrel had made his way to the road, and Mr. Faulkner had caught
+him.
+
+He said no more about the confession, but it was evident that he had
+conquered his annoyance sooner than he had ever done before. Marian had
+not theorized on the matter, but if she had she could not have judged
+better, for Lionel was far better dealt with by being bold and
+uncompromising. It was very strange to have this concern of their own so
+much on their minds when Caroline's fate was at its crisis, yet perhaps
+it was good for Marian to be thus occupied, since she was apt to suffer
+very much from anxiety, as persons of her calm and reserved demeanour
+often do. A sickening, throbbing, trembling feeling came over her,
+making her temples beat and her hands cold, as she came into the house,
+expecting to hear whether Caroline had endured and been true to herself,
+and it was well she had not had longer to suffer from it.
+
+No one was in the drawing-room, and she ran as fast as her trembling
+knees would allow to Caroline's room, knocked, received no answer,
+opened the door, and saw Caroline stretched out on her bed, in a state
+best described by the French word _aneantissement_, for it was not
+fainting, but the sort of prostration consequent on the completion of an
+effort for which she had wound herself up. She was very pale, her eyes
+were shut, and her breath came short. Marian stood watching her in
+alarm, wondering whether to speak, and how. At last Caroline looked up,
+held out her hand, and drew Marian down on her knees till her face was
+level with hers, then put her arm round her neck.
+
+"Dear Caroline!" said Marian, though it was not easy to say anything,
+"you will be happier now."
+
+A more caressing person would have been much more at ease herself and
+given more comfort to Caroline, that must be confessed, but as there was
+no one else to be had, Marian was obliged to do her best, and this was
+to kiss Caroline timidly and say, "I am so glad you have done right."
+
+But Caroline only hid her face at the word _glad_ and murmured, "You
+never did him justice! You never did!"
+
+"If it had not been for the want of that one thing he would have been
+all right," said Marian.
+
+"O, he is very noble! he has such a mind! such--such--O, he loved me so
+much," and Caroline fell into a paroxysm of silent misery. Marian began
+to dread lest the parting had not been final, and though doubtful
+whether she ought to ask, could not help saying, "But is it over?"
+
+"Yes, yes; you have your wish, Marian. It is done! He is angry with me
+now! It is over, and I am wretched for life!"
+
+"Not so wretched as if you had done wrong." said Marian. Caroline did
+not turn away this time, and Marian gathered courage to say, "You have
+persevered, and now there will be comfort. There will always be comfort
+in knowing you have tried to do right. Walter will be so glad, and so
+will Lionel."
+
+"Lionel," repeated Caroline.
+
+"Yes, he has been very anxious about you."
+
+"Poor boy!" sighed Caroline. "Well, Marian, there is one thing still to
+be done. Only one, and it is all that I shall live for. I shall devote
+myself to him, if I can but do anything to please him, and make him care
+for me when you are gone. It will be my one object."
+
+"Yes," said Marian, "it will be very good for you both."
+
+They were interrupted by Clara, who came in, dressed for dinner, pitying
+Caroline, and telling Marian it was very late. Caroline sat up, but she
+had a violent nervous headache, and they both persuaded her to lie down
+again.
+
+Marian ran off to dress, and though the dinner-bell rang in the midst
+of her hurried toilette, came back to look at Caroline, beg her to keep
+quiet, and promise to come up as soon as dinner was over. As she went
+down, the other trouble of having to confess their adventure came over
+her, but she was resolute, in spite of the want of favour with which she
+knew she was regarded.
+
+Want of favour, evident from the scrupulous formality with which she was
+treated; for if she had been like a daughter of the house, as she ought
+to have been, would they have waited dinner for her, and let her find
+them all looking uncomfortable and expectant in the drawing-room? They
+went into the dining-room; there was a silent, formal dinner, nothing
+like a family party. As soon as the servants had left the room. Marian
+quailing secretly, not from fear of Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell, but lest
+Lionel should lose his rides, began, "I have a confession to make, Mr.
+Lyddell," and told the story of the accident, explaining how it was
+entirely caused by her carelessness.
+
+Exclamations and inquiries arose, and Mrs. Lyddell certified herself by
+several questions that Lionel had not been hurt, but not one of them was
+addressed to Marian. It was as if this was only one among many injuries,
+too frequent for a reproach more or less to be needed. Mr. Lyddell did
+not take it half so much to heart, and no prohibition against future
+rides was issued, for the truth was that no one liked to mortify Lionel.
+It was exactly one of the cases in which the whole danger is not
+conquered, because it melts at the very aspect of moral courage.
+
+It was not comfortable to have to walk away to Caroline, knowing how
+much she had displeased Mrs. Lyddell; but it must be done, and it was,
+at least, agreeable to leave these cold looks. She found Caroline
+better, and able to tell her something of what had passed. At first Mr.
+Faulkner would not believe her to be in earnest, and had imagined this
+was a way of showing her displeasure at his long absence, or some
+trifling "lovers' quarrel;" but when he found that she really meant
+what she said, and her tears and stifled whispers alike announced her
+adherence to what she had expressed in her letter, he became extremely
+angry, thought himself, (as indeed he might with some justice) very
+ill-used, and though he had retained his gentlemanlike manner and
+language, had pretty plainly expressed that Miss Lyddell should have
+known her own mind. Poor Caroline wept bitterly, beseeching that they
+might not part in anger, but he disavowed all irritation, and took a
+cold, courteous leave, which wounded her more than all.
+
+Marian could not easily sympathise with regrets for such a lover, but
+she liked to magnify the sacrifice in order to admire it more, and
+greatly rejoiced in being able to give full admiration to one whom she
+had learnt to love so heartily as Caroline. Such a triumph over natural
+timidity and feebleness of character was indeed a great and gallant
+thing, and Marian used to muse and wonder at it in her solitary hours.
+There was still much to suffer externally as well as internally; there
+was the return of letters and presents, with all their associations;
+there was the feeling of the pain and offence given to Lady Julia and
+her daughters; there was the perception of the opinions of the world,
+and the certainty that all the gossips of the neighbourhood were busy
+with their conjectures; there was the continued anxiety about Elliot,
+and the marked vexation and displeasure of Mrs. Lyddell, who treated
+Caroline as one who had disappointed all her best hopes.
+
+Under all this there was only Marian to sustain Caroline, and their
+friendship was an additional offence. Marian knew that Mrs. Lyddell
+regarded her as the head of a hostile party, and a sower of dissension
+in the family, by no means an agreeable footing on which to stand; but
+the only way, was to appear completely unconscious, and behave as far as
+possible as usual. She was grateful to them for making it no worse, and
+still more for not having objected to her continuing her rides with
+Lionel, from whom, it may well be believed, she scarcely ever took her
+eyes, from the time his foot was in the stirrup.
+
+Lionel was triumphant at the dismissal of "Julian the apostate," but he
+was disappointed to find that Caroline did not recover her spirits "now
+she had had her own way, and got rid of the man." He did not like to
+have her presence announced by a sigh, and to hear the subdued, dejected
+tone of her voice, and he used to wonder over it with Marian, who
+laughed at him for fancying it was such an easy matter to part with a
+lover, yet agreed that it was hard to understand how there could be love
+where there was no esteem. Lionel used to consult her as to what was to
+be done to cheer his sister, since his mother would only make everything
+worse and he could not bear her continued melancholy.
+
+"I do believe, Lionel," said Marian, "that you could do more for her
+than any body else. If you would but sometimes let her do things for
+you, ask her to help you, as--as you ask me."
+
+Lionel would not take the suggestion as she wished. "I thought you liked
+to help me," said he, in a somewhat offended tone.
+
+"O, don't I?" cried Marian, eagerly; "but so does every one, if you
+would only allow them."
+
+Lionel flourished the little switch in his hand till it made an
+ill-tempered "_swish!_" and Marian knew that he thought her ungrateful
+for the exclusive preference with which he honoured her.
+
+"She is your sister," she added.
+
+"Very well," said Lionel, crossly shaking off her arm, "I shall know
+what to be at, if you are tired of helping me."
+
+He could not see the tears in her eyes, and though she was extremely
+grieved, her voice did not betray how strong her feeling was. "Tired!
+O Lionel, how can you think it? But would it not be better to learn to
+depend less on me against I go away?"
+
+"Ay, and glad enough you'll be to go."
+
+"For all but your sake and poor Caroline's," said Marian. "Mrs. Lyddell
+does not like to have me here."
+
+"It would not be fair to want to keep you," said Lionel, "but----"
+
+"I should have much more comfort in going if I thought you and Caroline
+were helping each other," said Marian. "I know she wants to make you her
+first object."
+
+Lionel made no answer nor any change in his ways for some days, yet
+sometimes it seemed, as if when he thought of it, he was more willing
+to allow Caroline to do him some of the small services which his fast
+increasing blindness rendered necessary. Caroline being more dexterous
+and neat-handed than Marian, did them well, and then Marian was vexed
+with herself for a few feelings like annoyance at not being equally
+necessary to Lionel, but she persevered, encouraged by seeing the
+comfort that each approach on his part seemed to give his sister. It was
+the hardest thing Marian had ever had to do, to give up the being first
+with him, as she must cease to be when the natural affection of the
+brother and sister was called into play. But it was right, and she would
+bear it. She thought it right as well as very pleasant to accept an
+invitation from the Wortleys to come and spend the Christmas holidays
+with them, joining her brother on the railroad, and meeting Edmund at
+Fern Torr. The repose would be beyond everything delightful, and no less
+so, the being in a house where her presence was welcome to every member
+of the family. Besides, she longed to see and to talk to Agnes, and the
+more she thought of her promised visit the more she enjoyed it.
+
+Caroline and Lionel both were very sorry to part with her, and jointly
+and separately lamented her going; but Caroline blamed herself for
+selfishness in wishing to keep her, and perceived that it would be a
+good thing that her brother should begin to be weaned from his sole
+dependance upon her, while Lionel seemed half afraid to trust her to
+depart, lest she should never return, and insisted on half a dozen
+promises that she would come back at the end of Gerald's holidays.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+  "They made a famous procession
+  My good little women and men;
+  Such a sight was never seen before
+  And never will again."
+
+  SOUTHEY.
+
+
+A division of a first-class carriage, occupied only by Gerald, received
+Marian at the station, and first she had to be shown the hat, cloak, and
+umbrella with which he had constructed an effigy, which, as he firmly
+believed, had frightened away all who had thought of taking a seat in
+it.
+
+"Thinking you a mad monkey, and that your keeper," said Marian, looking
+proudly at the handsome face and dancing black eyes of her beautiful
+brother. "Why! how you are grown, Gerald! Do stand up, and let me see if
+you are not taller than I am."
+
+"No, not quite so tall, unless it is your bonnet," said Gerald, after
+craning up his neck in vain.
+
+"At any rate, you are taller than Lionel. He only comes up to my ear,"
+said Marian.
+
+"Poor Lionel! How are his eyes?"
+
+"O Gerald, it is very sad. He has very little sight left. I believe he
+finds his way about quite by feeling now. It has grown worse so much
+faster in these last three weeks."
+
+"Poor fellow! What can he do all day?"
+
+A long description followed, and then Gerald wanted to hear all about
+Caroline, and what Marian thought fit to tell him, together with his
+comments, lasted till, in spite of his effigy, a lady made an entrance,
+and for some time Gerald was reduced to silence, and as he sat on the
+same side, to making horrible sidelong scowls at her, out of her sight,
+which sorely tried his sister's propriety of countenance.
+
+The tongues of two such happy people could not long, however, continue
+tied, and presently Gerald rattled off into a history of his sporting
+adventures in Scotland, as if he would detail every shot. The narration
+was endless, and very tiresome it would have been to any woman but a
+sister, and a sister who had so much of the hunter spirit in her as
+Marian; but she listened and sympathised with all her heart and soul,
+and understood why such a shot was a good one, and why such another
+failed, and was absorbed in the interest of the attempt to recover a
+wounded bird when the retriever was stupid, long after the intruder had
+made her exit, and they might have returned to matters touching her more
+closely, though regarded by Gerald as hardly equal in importance to roe
+deer, salmon, and grouse.
+
+They were on Devonshire ground before they ever began to rejoice over
+Edmund's engagement, and from thence to talk of Edmund himself. Gerald
+pronounced many an eulogium on him, in which praises of his excellence
+as a fisherman and sportsman were strangely mixed with a real genuine
+appreciation of his goodness and superiority.
+
+"'Tis a capital thing that he is come home to stay," said Gerald,
+heartily.
+
+"Isn't it?"
+
+"I like him specially," said Gerald. "Do you know he showed me some of
+my father's letters."
+
+"Did he indeed?"
+
+"That he did. It was before I was born, when he thought he was going to
+have Fern Torr and all, he had rather an idle fit, and these were what
+papa wrote to him."
+
+"Was Edmund ever idle?" exclaimed Marian, falling into a reverie of
+wonder whether this did not make it more hopeful for Gerald.
+
+"I am very glad he has got this money," proceeded Gerald. "I only wish
+it was more. One letter he showed me that was best of all. It was from
+my father when I was born. You can't think what a nice letter it was.
+There was something about its being a disappointment to him--to Edmund,
+I mean, but how papa cared for him as much as ever, and thought after
+all it might be better for him in the end. And then, Marian, papa said
+he could hardly expect to live till I was grown up, and he asked Edmund
+to be my godfather, and said he trusted to him to be like an elder
+brother to us."
+
+"That he is!" murmured Marian.
+
+"Edmund said he wished me to read it that I might not think him
+interfering."
+
+"You never could have thought so!"
+
+"I don't know. I could not have stood it from some people, but I could
+see the sense of what Edmund said."
+
+Without entering into particulars, Gerald was now all freedom and
+openness, casting quite away the restraint that had so long grieved his
+sister. How happy she was!
+
+Mr. Wortley himself met them at Exeter, and in spite of the early
+darkness of the winter day, Charles and James met them at the foot of
+Blackstone hill, and Edmund and Agnes were a little further on.
+
+What a happy greeting it was! Marian and Gerald would jump out and walk
+home with them, the boys ran and called in the dark, the stars came out
+overhead, the tall hedges kept out all the glimmering light, splashes
+alone made them aware of the puddles; but on the happy party tramped,
+all talking an unmitigated flow of merry nonsense, laughing and enjoying
+it, all the more the darker and stranger it grew, and merrier than all,
+when they got home, at Mrs. Wortley's dismay at their having dragged
+Marian a mile and a half, in the dark and dirt, after her long journey.
+"Pretty guardians to have the care of her!"
+
+All the evening again there was nothing but fun and joyousness, fun of
+the brightest, happiest kind, positively wild in the three boys, and
+Edmund not much less so, the girls weary with laughing, and contributing
+their share to the sport. A person must have lived like Marian, pent up
+by formalities and the certainty of being disliked, to know what was
+the enjoyment of the perfect liberty and absence from constraint, the
+thorough home-like feeling of every one loving and understanding each
+other, which existed at Fern Torr. How delightful it was to have no
+heart achings for Gerald, to see Edmund just like his old self, and the
+dear Agnes, so very lovely and bright! so very unlike her only former
+experience of betrothed lovers. It was no small happiness to the Fern
+Torr party to have one so prized and loved as Marian to rejoice with
+them, indeed, all this evening every one was too joyous to dwell on any
+of the causes of their felicity, it was nothing but high spirits, and
+unreflective mirth.
+
+When they had bidden each other good night, and were gone up stairs,
+there was more of gravity and thought. Marian and Agnes could have sat
+up talking half the night, if Mrs. Wortley would have allowed them, but
+she said Marian must have time to rest, and ruthlessly condemned her to
+bed.
+
+Never did Marian spend so happy a Christmas. There was plenty of depth
+and earnestness in her _tete-a-tetes_ with Agnes, when they talked
+over the wonders that had happened to them both, and always ended by
+returning to recollections of happy old days before Marian left
+Fern Torr, when Edmund had been the prime mover of every delightful
+adventure. Marian was as good as a sister to each of the lovers, so
+heartily did she help each one to admire the other. Or when they were
+"lovering," as the boys chose to call their interminable wanderings in
+the manor gardens, Marian used to be extremely happy with Mrs. Wortley,
+talking over the history of the engagement, and settling how and when
+the love began. Mr. Wortley suggested that the first attraction had been
+Agnes' unmitigated horror of the Lyddells, which he declared had won Mr.
+Arundel's heart, though he never owned how much he participated in it.
+It needs not to be stated how Edmund's noble behaviour was appreciated,
+more especially after the new lights which Marian was able to throw upon
+it.
+
+Then came the discussion of the plans for the house which Edmund was to
+build, on a farm, which had come into the market at the very nick of
+time, just on the other side of the hill, and in Fern Torr parish.
+Marian and Gerald were taken the first day to look and advise whether
+the new house should be on the old site, or under the shelter of a great
+old slate quarry, crested with a wood, a beautiful view spread before
+it, and capacities for making the loveliest garden that was ever seen.
+
+Edmund sketched house and garden in every possible point of view, each
+prettier than the other, and all the young gave their voices eagerly for
+the quarry, while the old protested on the difficulty of getting so far
+up the hill, and suggested damp. But the young carried the day, and the
+plans were drawn and debated on a dozen times in twenty-four hours,
+always including the prettiest of little sitting-rooms for Marian, with
+a window opening into the garden, and a door into the drawing-room, and
+then came letters to architects and calculations with builders, and
+reckonings that the house should be habitable by next September, and Mr.
+Wortley laughing at their credulity for expecting it.
+
+Marian was surprised to find how far away and secondary seemed the
+thoughts that had of late engrossed her entirely. She wondered to
+discover how little her mind had been occupied with Caroline and Lionel,
+fond as she was of them and very anxious about them. This was so very
+different a world! and she felt so much more as if she belonged to it.
+She obtained from Agnes some admiration for Caroline's conduct, though
+in somewhat of the "better late than never" style, and at the price of
+warm abuse of the parents, in which Marian was not indisposed to join.
+
+Caroline wrote nearly every day, saying that she missed Marian
+dreadfully, and that her letters were the only comfort she had; she
+would not wish her back again, for that would be selfish, but it would
+be a joyful day when she returned. These constant letters, which Marian
+always kept to herself, rather surprised the Wortleys, but Edmund could
+better guess at her position. "Depend upon it," he said to Agnes, "it is
+she who has saved Miss Lyddell."
+
+"O, Edmund! do you think so? I wanted to have thought so, but she says
+it was the brother."
+
+"He took the steps which would not have become Marian, but Walter
+Lyddell could never have moved without his sister, and where could she
+have found the principle but in Marian? I see now that her perseverance
+in right is beginning to tell on those around her, in spite of all
+untoward circumstances."
+
+"I don't know anything like Marian!" said Agnes. "How very fine her
+countenance is!"
+
+"That steadfast brow and lip."
+
+"I saw her yesterday standing on the edge of a rock looking out on the
+view, and she was like some statue of Fortitude."
+
+"Yes, Marian is a grand creature," said Edmund; "so strong and firm, yet
+with such feminine, retiring strength. There are still prejudices
+and little roughnesses, but I doubt whether they have not been her
+safeguard, outworks to secure the building, and I think they are
+disappearing with the occasion."
+
+"Ah! papa and mamma think her very much softened down."
+
+"She has had a very hard part to act, and her shyness and rigidity have
+been great helps to her, but I am glad to see them wearing away, and
+especially pleasant it is to see her expand and show her true self
+here."
+
+"And to know she may soon be free of them all for ever!" said Agnes.
+
+The time when Marian was to be free of them for ever, as Agnes said,
+was to be the next summer. Edmund and Agnes were to be married in July,
+Marian would then come to Fern Torr, and comfort Mrs. Wortley for losing
+her daughter, till the holidays began, when Edmund and Agnes would
+return, and some undefined scheme of delight was to be settled on for
+Gerald's holidays, until the house should be ready. Gerald was in the
+meantime very agreeable and satisfactory on the whole. He was too busy
+drawing varieties of stables for Edmund, to talk about his own, and
+marvellous were the portraits of the inhabitants with which he would
+decorate Edmund's elevations, whenever he found them straying about
+the room. Very mischievous indeed was the young gentleman, and Marian
+considered him to have been "a great deal too bad" when on a neat,
+finished plan, just prepared to be sent to the builder, she found
+unmistakeable likenesses of the whole Wortley family, herself and
+Gerald, assembled round a great bowl of punch, large enough to drown
+them all, drinking to the health of Edmund and Agnes, who were riding in
+at the gate, pillion fashion, supposed to be returning after the honey
+moon, which in one corner of the picture was represented in a most
+waning state, but the man in the moon squinting down at them with a
+peculiarly benignant expression of countenance.
+
+Marian was very angry, but Edmund and Agnes would do nothing but laugh,
+though the whole plan had to be drawn over again, and Edmund was kept at
+work with ruler, scale, and compasses the whole evening, Marian scolding
+Gerald all the time, and Edmund too, for spoiling him, thinking her
+cousin the most heroically good natured and good tempered man in the
+world to bear with such an idle monkey, and laugh at the waste of time
+and trouble; and getting at last a glimmering perception that these
+tricks, thus met, were the greatest proof of good understanding and
+friendship. It ended in Gerald's inking in the plan, of his own free
+will, and very neatly, and getting up at six, the next morning, to ride
+to Exeter, in the dark cold misty December twilight, to take it to the
+builder, that no time might be lost; indeed, as he boasted, it was there
+a quarter of an hour before it would have come by post, as it would have
+done had it gone yesterday.
+
+Gerald's studies were not extensive, but Edmund, by some magic secret,
+unknown to Marian, made him read history to himself for a short space
+every morning. The sporting paper had disappeared, and nothing was heard
+of Elliot or of Queen Pomare, while though he could not yet go the
+length of talking to the poor people himself, he stood by very civilly
+while Edmund talked to them.
+
+The first ten days of Marian's stay had thus passed, when Caroline one
+day mentioned in her letter that mamma had a regularly bad influenza
+cold, and was quite laid up. It was aggravated, Caroline said, by the
+distress they were all in about Elliot. "But you will hear enough of
+this when you come back," wrote she, "so I will not grieve you with
+it now; though it is an additional load upon my mind--an additional
+offence, I fear, in poor mamma's eyes, since all this would not have
+come to light had I persisted. But you must not think I am repenting,
+for I never was further from regretting what I have done. The different
+spirit in which I could come to this Christmas feast, is a blessing to
+be purchased at any price, even at such wretchedness as it has been this
+autumn; and most earnestly do I thank you, dearest Marian. I can thank
+you by letter, though we never can speak of such things. Yes, I thank
+you. I regret nothing but my previous folly and weakness, and bitterly
+do I suffer for them; though all is better now, and Christmas has
+brought me peace and calm. It is as if the storm was lulled at last, and
+nothing left but dreariness, and the longing to be at rest. How bright
+the world was before me not a year ago! and now how worn out it
+seems,--only three comforts left in it, you, and Walter, and poor
+Lionel. For Lionel is a comfort; he is very kind and considerate, and, I
+do believe, softens mamma towards me. I suppose it is best for us that
+our hearts should have no home but one above; and if I was sure it was
+not disgust and disappointment, I should hope I was seeking one there;
+for I know the only feeling of rest and refreshment is in turning
+thither, and surely that must come from the FATHER, Who is ready to
+receive me. But I must leave off, for mamma is too unwell to be long
+left.
+
+"Your most affectionate
+
+"CAROLINE LYDDELL."
+
+
+After this, the letters, hitherto constant, ceased entirely, and Marian
+grew very uneasy. Her mother had died of influenza, so that the name
+gave her a fatal impression; and she dreaded to hear that Mrs. Lyddell
+was very ill, or that Caroline was ill herself. Another week, and at
+length she heard from Clara, in answer to a letter of inquiry, and to
+fix the day of her return.
+
+
+  "Oakworthy, Jan. 7th.
+
+  "MY DEAR MARIAN,--Caroline desires me to write to
+  tell you, with her love, that she has this horrid influenza, and
+  has been in bed since Monday. She is very feverish, and
+  her throat so sore that she can hardly speak or swallow.
+  Sarah sat up with her last night, and I think she is a little
+  better this morning. Mamma is better, but only gets up for
+  a little while in the evening, and cannot leave her room. I
+  wish you were at home, for I don't know what to do: I am
+  running backwards and forwards between the two rooms all
+  day, and poor Lionel is so forlorn and solitary down stairs,
+  with only papa. There!--that great blot was a tear, for I
+  am so worn out with fatigue and nursing, that I am almost
+  overcome. This winter I was to have come out,--how very
+  different! I forgot to tell you, after all, that the carriage
+  shall meet you, as you mention, on the 15th. I wish it was
+  directly; they will be all well by the time you come. But
+  it is so very forlorn, and I am so nervous; so excuse this
+  scrawl.
+
+  "Your affectionate cousin,
+
+  "CLARA LYDDELL."
+
+As soon as Marian read this letter, she gave it to Edmund, saying, "I
+think I had better go home."
+
+"O, Marian, you must not cheat us!" cried Agnes.
+
+"I think they would be very glad of you," said Edmund, and withal
+Marian's mind was made up, and she withstood all the persuasions
+of Gerald and Agnes that it was nothing--nonsense--only Clara's
+dismality--they would laugh at her for coming for nothing. No; Marian
+knew she was no nurse, but she could not bear to think of Lionel left to
+his blindness and helplessness, still less of Caroline, ill, and with no
+one to cheer her. She was sure she was wanted by those two at least, and
+she resolved that she would be at Oakworthy to-morrow evening, wrote
+notice of her intention to Clara, and prepared for her journey, giving
+up that precious last week, so prized because it was the last. She could
+go alone with her maid; there was no use in spoiling Gerald's holidays;
+so he would stay for all the delights that she gave up, ruining all by
+her absence, as every one declared.
+
+Agnes grumbled and scolded her to her face, but made up for it out of
+hearing, by admiring her more than ever. Mr. and Mrs. Wortley gave her
+silent approval, and the boys would not wish her a pleasant journey. She
+was ready early the next morning, and once more left Fern Torr, bright
+with the promise that, when she was there next, it would be no more a
+guest.
+
+She prosperously arrived at the station nearest Oakworthy, and soon saw
+the servant waiting for her. "Is Miss Lyddell better?"
+
+"A little better than last night, ma'am. Mr. Lionel is in the carriage."
+
+Marian had not at all expected any one to meet her, especially Lionel,
+coming all this distance in silence and darkness. She hastened to the
+carriage, and saw him leaning forward, listening for her. His face
+lighted up at her, "Well, Lionel," and he fairly hurt her, by the
+tightness of his grasp, when once he had met her hand. "So, you're come!
+What a time it has been since you went! Now you are come, I don't care."
+
+"And how are you?" she asked anxiously.
+
+"Bad enough to be going back to the oculist next week," he answered; "I
+can't even see the light."
+
+A long silence; then, "How is Caroline?"
+
+"Pretty much the same; it is a bad, feverish cold, and shocking throat.
+She breathes as if she was half stifled, and can hardly speak."
+
+"I suppose she has Mr. Wells?"
+
+"Yes, two or three times a day,"
+
+"And Mrs. Lyddell is better?"
+
+"Better, but not out of her room. It has been a tolerable state of
+things of late. Not a creature to speak to, except, now and then, Clara
+coming down to maunder and sigh over all she has to do, and my father,
+who has been thoroughly in a rage about Elliot. Do you know about all
+that, Marian?"
+
+"No," she answered.
+
+"It is out now, why he was so set upon Caroline's marriage, he had got
+Faulkner to back a bill for him; you don't know what that means, I
+suppose," said Lionel, with his old superior manner;--"made him engage
+that the money Elliot borrowed should be paid. There was to be some
+shuffle between them about her fortune it seems; so after the engagement
+was off, when the bill became due, Faulkner sent the holder of it to
+my father for the money and the news of this set on all the other
+creditors. No end of bills coming in, and he has been pretty nearly
+crazy among them; says we shall be beggars, and I don't know what all! I
+vow, it is my old plan coming right!" cried Lionel vehemently. "If the
+man in London can but set my eyes to rights, I'd be off to Australia
+to-morrow, instead of staying here to make all worse. Well, it's no use
+thinking of it: if ever I make my fortune now, it will be with a dog in
+a string, and a hat in his mouth."
+
+"But go on, Lionel; are the debts so very bad?"
+
+"I believe they are indeed, and no one knows the worst of them yet. No
+wonder Elliot was off to Paris in such a hurry, like a coward as he is,
+no one knows how he is ever to come back! And worst of all is to have
+mamma going about saying 'tis Caroline's fault! Hadn't I rather come to
+the hat and dog in good earnest than to see her marry that man? Why,
+Marian, he is actually engaged to Miss Dashwood! What do you say to
+that? To the Radical Dashwood's daughter that behaved so shamefully to
+papa!"
+
+"The daughter?"
+
+"No, the man. Fit company for the apostate, isn't it? He had better have
+begun with her. Fine love his must have been. Only six weeks. Should not
+that cure Caroline?"
+
+"Has she heard it?"
+
+"No, we have only known it since she was ill, and Clara thought she had
+better not tell her."
+
+"Very right of Clara," said Marian; "but I think she will be glad, when
+she is well enough to be told."
+
+Fast and eagerly did Marian and Lionel talk all the way, sometimes
+gravely and sorrowfully about Elliot and Caroline, sometimes cheerfully
+about Fern Torr, Edmund, and Gerald, of whom Lionel wanted much to hear.
+He clapped his hands, and danced himself up and down with ecstasy at the
+history of Gerald's embellishments of the plans, vowed that Gerald was a
+Trojan, and that it was as good as Beauty and the Beast, and seemed to
+be enjoying a perfect holiday in having some one to speak to again.
+"But," he said, "what a horrid bore it must have been to you to come
+away!"
+
+"I thought I might be some help to Clara."
+
+"Did she make you think Caroline so very ill? Mr. Wells says it is only
+a very bad cold. But I am very glad you are come."
+
+Clara met Marian in the hall. "O Marian, I am glad you are come, but
+I am sorry you came home in such a hurry. Mamma says there was no
+occasion, and that I need not have frightened you, for it is only a bad
+attack of influenza."
+
+"Then I hope Caroline Is better."
+
+"Yes, rather, and she will be so glad to see you. Come to her at once,
+won't you? she heard the carriage, and is watching for you."
+
+Marian hastily followed Clara to Caroline's room. In a few seconds both
+Caroline's arms were thrown round her neck, and a burning feverish face
+pressed to hers, then as she raised herself again, one of her hands
+still held fast, and Caroline lay looking up to her with an expression
+of relief and comfort. "Thank you," she murmured, in a hoarse low
+painful whisper, the sound of which gave an impression of dismay to
+Marian. Caroline was far worse than she had been prepared to sec her.
+That loud, oppressed, gasping breathing, the burning fever of hands and
+cheek, the parched lips,--this was far more than ordinary influenza.
+Marian stood watching her a little while; speaking now and then, until
+she closed her eyes in weariness, not for sleep, when she was about to
+leave the room, but Caroline looked up again anxiously and restlessly,
+and tried to say, "Come back."
+
+"Yes, I'll come in a moment," said Marian, "I'll only just take off my
+bonnet, and go and see Mrs. Lyddell, if I may."
+
+"O, yes, she is up, she knows you are come," said Clara, and Marian was
+presently knocking at Mrs. Lyddell's door.
+
+She found her sitting by the fire in a large easy chair, in her
+dressing-gown and shawl, and was surprised at the first sight of her
+too, for that very weakening complaint, the influenza, had made a great
+change in her, perhaps assisted by all that she had gone through during
+the last summer and autumn, beginning with the parting with John, the
+grief and anxiety for Lionel, the disappointment and warfare with
+Caroline, and worse than all, the discoveries respecting her eldest and
+favourite son. She looked a dozen years older, all the clearness of her
+complexion was gone, and the colouring that remained, as if ingrained,
+was worse than paleness; her hand shook with weakness, and the only
+trace of her prompt, decided activity was in the nervous agitation of
+her movements, and the querulous sharpness of her tones, as if her
+weakness was irritating to her.
+
+"Marian, how are you? I am sorry you have cut short your visit to
+come back to a sick house. I am afraid Clara has been alarming you
+needlessly."
+
+"I am very sorry to find you so unwell," said Marian; "I thought Clara
+would want some help."
+
+"Thank you, it was very kind," said Mrs. Lyddell, rather sharply, as if
+her thanks were only for form's sake. "Have you seen Caroline?"
+
+"Yes, and I am afraid she is very ill. Such a terrible oppression on her
+breath."
+
+"Ah! so Clara says. Mr. Wells has been applying mustard poultices."
+
+"Have you had no further advice?" said Marian.
+
+"No. He managed me very well; he is perfectly competent to attend an
+influenza such as this--a very simple affair."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was evidently under the unreasonable infatuation that so
+many people are subject to, who will go on trusting their favourite
+apothecary, in spite of proofs that he is not to be trusted; but Marian,
+in her short life, had heard a good deal of doctors, and whether
+reasonably or not, had imbibed a distrust of country practitioners,
+which Lionel's misfortune had not tended to remove in Mr. Wells' case.
+Indeed, she had a particular dislike to the man, with his soft manner,
+love of set speeches and fine words, and resolution not to own that
+anything was the matter. There were stories abroad in the neighbourhood
+of his treating cases wrongly because he would not own they were beyond
+his skill.
+
+"Mrs. Lyddell," said she, very earnestly, "I do believe that Caroline is
+very ill. I think her throat is in a very alarming state, and I should
+not be at all satisfied to go on with no further advice."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell made some answer about girls being easily frightened, and
+Marian went back to Caroline, very unhappy and anxious, and trying to
+find comfort by telling herself that the cure does not depend alone on
+the physician.
+
+However, the words she had spoken were not without effect. Mrs.
+Lyddell's answer had been prompted by her first impulse of dislike and
+opposition, as if Marian was taking still further upon her; but she
+became very anxious when left alone. She thought that Marian's fresh eye
+might be better able to judge of the degree of Caroline's illness; she
+remembered how she had reproached herself about Lionel, and at last
+worked herself into such a state of alarm and anxiety, that though she
+had not yet walked further than to the window, she rose, left her room,
+and presently was by her daughter's bed-side.
+
+There needed no more to convince her that Caroline was excessively ill,
+and quick and prompt as ever, her first measure was to send Clara for
+her father, and hold a consultation with him outside the door; a message
+was despatched to hasten Mr. Wells, and the result was that a physician
+was sent for. Marian, who had all this time been watching the severe
+suffering, unable to do the least thing to alleviate it, was almost as
+glad as if she had been told of Caroline's certain recovery. She had
+again to tell herself not to put her trust in physicians.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+  "Preach, read, and study as we will,
+  Death is the mighty teacher still."
+
+  _Baptistery_.
+
+
+Caroline continued very ill all the evening, hardly able to to look up,
+and every attempt to speak or swallow causing her great pain. Her mother
+would not leave her again, and sat watching her, and she smiled, and
+gave a pleased look of surprise at her kindness, which she had so long
+missed; but her chief comfort seemed to be in Marian's presence. She
+followed her about the room with her eyes, and was uneasy whenever she
+fancied that she was going out of the room.
+
+She was not told that the physician was coming till he was actually
+in the house, and then she gave Marian a quick, sharp look of alarmed
+inquiry; but Marian was not able to answer, as she had to leave her to
+his visit. When it was over, and Marian returned, while Mrs. Lyddell
+went to hear his opinion, Caroline was striving hard to speak. Marian
+bent over her, and at last heard one word gasped out--"Walter."
+
+"Yes, I will tell Mr. Lyddell; he shall be sent for, dearest," said
+Marian; and Caroline seemed satisfied.
+
+It was long before Marian had an opportunity of hearing what the
+physician's opinion had been, and there was little comfort in it. It was
+a very severe case of inflammation in the windpipe, and the only hope of
+subduing it was in instant recourse to strong remedies. How badly it
+was thought of she saw plainly enough, without words, in Mr. Lyddell's
+restless, hasty manner, and in the exertions which Mrs. Lyddell was
+allowed to make, at a time when she ought to have been in her bed. The
+worst sign of all was, it seemed to her, that as soon as she mentioned
+Caroline's wish to see Walter, Mr. Lyddell took measures for sending a
+letter at once by the railroad, instead of waiting for the post, which
+would have made a delay of two days.
+
+Lionel sat meanwhile, by himself in the drawing room, or was found
+wandering on the stairs, anxiously listening. Marian came on him once,
+and had exclaimed at finding him in the dark, before she remembered that
+it made no difference to him. She was in haste to fetch something
+for Caroline and could do nothing for him but say the sad words, "No
+better."
+
+All night Mrs. Lyddell and Marian stayed with Caroline; the one because
+she could not bear to go, the other because she could not be spared.
+Mrs. Lyddell would not acknowledge the extent of the danger to herself,
+far less allow any hint of it to come to Caroline; and for this Marian
+was sorry, though she was sure that Caroline was conscious of it
+herself; but with Mrs. Lyddell always present, it was impossible to read
+any of the things that would have been the only support at such a time.
+Poor Caroline could not speak to ask for them, and as if her mother
+feared they would bring death, she seemed to be watching Marian
+jealously to prevent the least approach to them.
+
+It was a terrible night; the applications did nothing but cause
+suffering, instead of removing the disorder,--the oppression grew more
+and more severe,--each breath more painful; the two watchers hardly
+dared to meet each other's eyes, and Caroline was in too much pain,
+too oppressed and overwhelmed, to give any token how far the mind and
+thought was awake within her. Such another day succeeded, every hour
+extinguishing some faint hope, and bringing the dread certainty more
+fully upon them. There was little or nothing to be done: they could only
+watch the sufferer, and try to glean her wishes from her looks; but
+these usually expressed more of pain than aught else, and no one could
+tell whether the ear and thought were free. One, at least, who sat
+beside her prayed fervently, and trusted in hope and love; holding fast
+by the certainty that Caroline had embraced the good part, and given up
+the allurements of the world, in health, for the sake of the treasure to
+which she was hastening. That last letter of her's was surely a proof
+that she was ready; and who could wish to detain that worn, harassed
+spirit from the repose where earthly cares shall "cease from troubling,
+and where the weary are at rest?" Yet how Marian loved and clung to her,
+and felt as if she could never bear to part, and lose the affection that
+had been so long kept off by her own repulsive demeanour, but that
+was so ardent and unreserved! How grievous to think of the blooming,
+life-like creature that she was so lately, now so suddenly cut down!
+
+Hour after hour went by, bringing no change for the better. Day had
+faded into twilight, and twilight became night. Midnight had come, and
+Marian was still sitting, as she had done for more than an hour, holding
+up the faint head; for Caroline could no longer breathe in a recumbent
+posture, and sat partly supported on pillows, partly resting on Marian's
+shoulder. Her eyes were shut, and she seemed unconscious; it might be
+that she slept, but the features were full of suffering, and Marian
+could feel each of her breaths, gasping and convulsive. Her mother hung
+over her, feeling her pulse, sometimes sitting, sometimes standing,
+or walking to the foot of the bed to speak to Mr. Lyddell, or to the
+apothecary, in the restless misery of despair. Mr. Lyddell came in and
+out, unable to bear the sight, yet unable to stay away. Clara had been
+too much overcome, and growing hysterical, had been sent away, and
+advised to go to bed. Lionel, too, had been sent to bed, but his room
+was in the same passage, and he lay with his door open, catching, with
+his quickened ears, at every sound in the sick room, and hearing each
+word of the hushed conferences that took place outside.
+
+A fresh tread was in the house--on the stairs--in the passage; Lionel's
+heart could not help bounding at it, as it came so softly along. It was
+the tread of the brother who, for his effort of courage and principle
+had been allowed to leave home like an exile, and treated as an
+offender. Lionel heard his father's step coming to meet him: how would
+they meet? He could hear the movement as their hands grasped together,
+and then Mr. Lyddell's smothered, choked whisper, "Only just in time,
+Walter! she won't know you. Come!"
+
+"Is it so?" said Walter, in a low tone, as of one extremely choked and
+overwhelmed.
+
+A sort of sob came before the answer, "Going fast."
+
+The steps moved on; Lionel could not stay where he was, dressed himself,
+and felt his way to the sick room. He heard the stifled breathings: he
+felt onward,--found he had hold of the bed-post, and leant against it,
+unheeded by all, so intently were all watching Caroline.
+
+"Speak to her," was the first thing he heard whispered by the doctor.
+
+"Caroline!" said Walter's trembling voice, "dear Caroline!"
+
+Poor Lionel could not see how, at the call, the dark blue eyes once more
+opened, and looked up in Walter's face; he only heard the steadier tone
+in which the brother said the ministerial words, "Peace be with this
+house!"
+
+The solemn calmness of the tone came gently and soothingly upon Lionel's
+ear; and withal there spread over Caroline's face a gleam of joy, and
+then a quiet stillness, as of a freedom from suffering. There was an
+interval--a gasp--another interval--another gasp--a pause--
+
+Marian's voice was the first, and very low and awe-struck. "It has been
+without a struggle."
+
+A slight cry from his mother, and a confused movement, as if they were
+lifting something--steps--he stood still, and the next moment felt
+Marian's hand on his arm. "Mrs. Lyddell has fainted," said she, in
+explanation; "Mr. Lyddell and Walter are taking her to her own room,"
+
+Lionel clasped Marian's hand very tight, and each felt how the other was
+trembling. "We must come away," said Marian; then hesitating, and with a
+quivering whisper, she said, "Would you like to kiss her?"
+
+"Yes, let me!"
+
+It was strange to guide the blind brother to kiss the white brow of the
+dead sister. Marian's throat was aching to such a degree with intense
+feeling, that she could hardly utter a word; but Lionel, who could not
+see, must hear. "She looks so calm, so sweet," said Marian struggling,
+"but I must go to your mother. Let me take you to your room; I'll send
+Walter to you. Lionel, Lionel, indeed she is happy!" said Marian,
+earnestly, while Lionel burst into a flood of tears, wholesome tears, as
+she led him from the room.
+
+She thought Walter would be the greatest comfort to him; and
+recollecting Mrs. Lyddell had no woman with her but her maid, she told
+Lionel she must go to his mother, ran down, and met Walter waiting in
+the dressing-room. "Is she recovering?"
+
+"A little."
+
+"Will you go to Lionel?"
+
+"This instant, but--" and he looked at her earnestly.
+
+"Yes, yes," said she hastily, "it is all right and beautiful. Here's her
+last letter; I've been reading it all day. Take it; you'll see how--"
+
+Marian's voice broke down, and she hastened to the open door of Mrs.
+Lyddell's room. There was something for her to do in attempting to
+restore her, for the maid was not helpful; and Mr. Lyddell stood at the
+foot of the bed, as if all his powers were paralysed. Mr. Wells wanted
+assistance; for Mrs. Lyddell, exhausted by watching and her previous
+weakness, was in so sinking and depressed a state, as to need the
+greatest care.
+
+Marian was employed in attending her till towards morning, when she sank
+into a sleep. "You had better go to bed," said Mr. Lyddell, very kindly,
+as Marian at length turned away from her, and stood by the fireside,
+where he was sitting in the arm-chair, his hands over his forehead "I
+must not let you overwork yourself."
+
+"O, I am not tired, if I can be of any use."
+
+"No, no, rest now, thank you," said he, in a broken, dejected tone.
+
+She went, and again found Walter in the outer room, watching for tidings
+of his mother. "Asleep," she said. "Lionel?"
+
+"Asleep too, I hope. You are going to bed?"
+
+"Yes, thank you; but Clara--"
+
+"I will go to Clara the first thing in the morning. I shall sit up on my
+father's account. Don't you think of it,--sleep as long as you can; you
+have had watching enough."
+
+"I have been so glad," Marian said, in a tear-stilled whisper.
+
+"You cannot tell how I have longed to thank you, Marian, for what you
+have been to her:" said Walter, speaking from the fulness of heart,
+which overcame his natural reserve and bashfulness. "You are thanked
+enough by our present feelings on the subject,--by that letter:--may I
+keep it a little longer?"
+
+"O yes, yes!" cried Marian, hastily, disclaiming in her heart all his
+thanks, though unable to do so with her lips.
+
+"It takes away all regret for the briefness of the illness," added
+Walter, as if the speaking of it was a satisfaction he could hardly
+relinquish.
+
+"I am sure she thought much; no one can tell what passed," said Marian,
+in a low, broken murmur.
+
+"Little did I think last summer--" said Walter, aloud to himself. "Yes,
+this is best, far best, if one could but feel it so!"
+
+Marian thought the same, and, like him, could not feel it; but unable to
+express herself, she simply said, as soon as her tears would let her,
+"Good-night," and went up to her own room.
+
+Fatigue came on her now. When she took off the dress she had worn since
+leaving Fern Torr, she found her limbs stiff and aching, and her head
+dizzy with weariness. She could hardly get through the operation of
+undressing; and when she tried to say her prayers, they would not come.
+She could only go through the LORD'S Prayer; and too worn out to be
+shocked at herself more than in a dull way, scarcely even alive to the
+recollection of what had happened, she laid herself down on the bed,
+which seemed strangely soft, but for a long time was too tired to sleep.
+With confused thoughts and exhausted spirits, she kept on feeling as
+if her aching limbs belonged to somebody else, and going off into odd,
+dreamy vagaries, each more uncomfortable than the last,--ever and anon
+waking into a moment's remembrance that Caroline was dead, wondering at
+herself for being so dull as only to think it strange, then losing the
+consciousness again. At last the light of morning made her perceptions
+clearer. Fanny knocked at her door, and brought her a cup of tea.
+She heard that all was quiet,--said she would get up; but with that
+resolution she suddenly became more easy, and while believing she was
+getting up, fell into a sound sleep.
+
+She awoke refreshed, and entirely herself again, though feeling stunned
+and bewildered by the all-pervading thought. Caroline dead! It seemed
+as if it was not otherwise with the rest of the family. Her illness had
+been so short, that there had been no time to grow familiar with the
+idea of her danger; and it was the first death in the household that had
+hitherto been so strong and confident in health,--the first touch that
+taught them how little the world they loved was an abiding-place. So
+sudden had been the stroke, that they seemed to pause and stand aghast
+under it, scarcely conscious how deep the wound might be. Her father
+went about the house, bowed down and stricken with grief, his tones low,
+sorrowful, and so gentle when speaking to his children, or to Marian,
+that they could scarcely be recognised as the same voice; but, without
+a word, so far as Marian, Clara, or Lionel knew, of his daughter, or
+of his own feelings. Her mother, already very weak, and suffering most
+acutely from the remembrance of the coldness with which she had treated
+her during the last autumn, became so seriously unwell, between a
+return of influenza, and her extreme depression and nervous hysterical
+agitation, that Marian and Clara were almost entirely occupied in
+nursing her, and trying to soothe her. In this work they were little
+successful. Marian had no hold on her affection, no power of talking
+soothingly, though most anxious to do what she could, and distressed
+excessively by her inability to be a comfort in the painful scenes which
+she was obliged to witness. She almost thought her presence made things
+worse, and that Mrs. Lyddell wished her away; but poor Clara was so
+entirely helpless and frightened, clung to her in so imploring a way,
+and was so incapable, from the restraint that had always subsisted
+between her and her mother, of saying anything to comfort her, or
+assuming any direction, that Marian was obliged, for her sake, to be
+almost always in the room. The only thing Marian could do in the way
+of consolation was to read aloud; she could not talk of the great
+thankfulness, peace, and hope which she felt herself, to Mrs. Lyddell,
+though she could have done so a little, with time, to Lionel, or even
+Clara; she could only read, and whether this did any good, she knew not.
+At any rate, it was what she ought to do; and the sound of the voice
+going on continuously had certainly a calming effect. Walter used daily
+to come and read, but this she did not seem to like, though she never
+made any objection; and there was so much reason for guarding against
+agitation and excitement, that he, never familiar with her, could not
+venture to attempt speaking to her on the subject of which all their
+hearts were full. It was only Mr. Lyddell who had any real serviceable
+influence with her. Her hysterical attacks never came on in his
+presence, and a few affectionate words or demonstrations from him would
+soothe the very worst of them. Marian saw so much real tenderness in his
+character, that she positively began to feel considerable affection for
+him.
+
+Clara was entirely bewildered and frightened, hardly yet realizing
+that she had lost her sister; perplexed and alarmed about her mother,
+suddenly thrust forward, from being an unregarded child, into having
+all the responsibilities of the eldest daughter of a sick mother on her
+hands, she could only depend upon Marian, and hang on her for direction,
+assistance, and consolation,--say "yes" to whatever she suggested, and
+set about it; and whenever she felt lonely, sisterless, and wretched,
+lean on her, pour out her grief, and feel that she had a kind listener,
+though only a monosyllabic answerer. She used to have great fits of
+crying at night, when they passed Caroline's door; and more than once
+she was so inconsolable, that Marian was obliged to come and stay in her
+room, and sleep all night with her arm clinging round her. Altogether,
+it was very desolate and perplexing; and Marian was grieved at herself
+for dwelling more on this, and on the loss of her dear companion and
+friend, than on the hope and happiness that ought to occupy her. How
+different in the two deaths she had known before, where there was none
+of this weary, harassed, doubtful, careworn feeling; only the sorrow,
+bitter indeed as it was, of the parting, but with time and scope for
+dwelling on all thoughts of comfort, when they would come.
+
+Lionel had his brother, and was thus in the best hands; and she saw very
+little of him except at meal-times, when all were silent and subdued.
+
+So passed the week before the funeral. Only the gentlemen attended it;
+Marian and Clara stayed with Mrs. Lyddell, who went through the time
+better than they had ventured to hope. She was altogether improved, and
+was able to sit up a little in the evening. Lionel was to go the next
+day to London, to be seen by the oculist; and her sanguine mind was
+fastening itself on the hope of his recovery; and though there was
+too much danger that she was only hoping in order to be the more
+disappointed, yet the present relief was great.
+
+Marian and Clara went down to dinner somewhat cheered, and hoping to
+carry satisfaction with them; but there was a deeper despondency in Mr.
+Lyddell's air than ever. He scarcely seemed to know what he was doing;
+and when at last dinner was over, he rose up, stood by the fire a
+moment, coughed, said to Walter, "You tell them," and ran upstairs.
+
+There was a silence: each of the three dreaded to ask what was the
+matter; Walter did not know how to begin. Marian began to think it was
+some family misfortune, better mentioned in her absence, and was rising
+to go away; but Walter exclaimed, "No, don't go, Marian; all the world
+must know it soon, I fear."
+
+"Not Johnny!" cried Clara. "O, Walter, Walter, don't let it be Johnny!"
+
+"No," said Lionel; "I know it is something more about Elliot. Is it very
+bad indeed, Walter?"
+
+"Very; I do not think he is going to tell my mother the full extent.
+There was a letter from Paris this morning, from Captain Evans, saying
+he thought it right that my father should be warned that Elliot is going
+on there in his old way, and worse still, is reported to be on the brink
+of a ruinous marriage."
+
+Clara was the first to break the silence of consternation. "Marriage!
+and now! a Frenchwoman! O Walter, Walter it can't be true! he can't do
+it now, at any rate!"
+
+"There is some hope that this may make a delay: it is the one chance
+that my father trusts to," said Walter. "The history seems to be this,
+as far as I can understand. When the discovery of all these debts came
+on my father, he wrote Elliot a very indignant letter, refusing to be
+answerable for any of them except that which Faulkner had guaranteed
+which of course he paid at once. This letter seems to have stirred
+Elliot up into a fit of passion; he went on more recklessly than ever,
+and now is getting drawn into this miserable connection."
+
+"Yes, just like Elliot!" said Lionel. "And what is papa going to do?"
+
+"He means to go to Paris at once, sacrifice any thing, pay all the debts
+at any cost, if he can only bring Elliot back with him, and save him
+from ruining himself entirely."
+
+"But he is not going to tell mamma about the marriage, I hope?" said
+Clara.
+
+"No, he will leave her to think it is only the old story, and that he
+wants to see if anything can be done about the debts. There is a hope
+that the news he must have had by this time may have checked him."
+
+"Perhaps it may be bringing him home," said Marian.
+
+"No, I fear he is too much involved to venture to England."
+
+Again following a silence; no one could think of anything consoling to
+suggest; all were unwilling to heap censure upon one who deserved it but
+too richly. Only Lionel was heard to give a sort of groan, find after a
+time Clara asked, "Is it a Frenchwoman?"
+
+"Yes," said Walter; "a person connected with the theatres."
+
+The four again sat in mournful silence.
+
+"I suppose," said Lionel at length, "that my going to London had better
+be put off till he comes back."
+
+"No," said Walter, "he wishes that to be done at once. We are all three
+to go to London to-morrow, as was settled before; he will go with you to
+see the oculist, and on to Dover by the night-train; and if the oculist
+wishes to keep you, I shall stay with you in London till he comes back,
+or till my mother and the rest can come."
+
+"Thank you," said Lionel, sighing; "I wish I could help it! Is not it
+leaving a pretty state of things behind us, though? not that we are any
+great good to the ladies to be sure!"
+
+"Yes, it is leaving you at a very sad time," said Walter, looking at the
+two girls, "but we are hardly able to be of much use to my mother, and
+if there was any prospect of your improvement, that they all say would
+do her more good than anything else. However, my father said that must
+be according to your feelings, Clara and Marian, if you were afraid to
+be left with the charge of her, I would remain."
+
+One of Walter's awkward ways of putting the question, and it instantly
+suggested to Clara to be afraid.
+
+"I am sure I shan't know what to do. Only think, Marian, for us to be
+left--what should we do if mamma was to get suddenly worse? We should
+have no one to help us, I shall be in such a nervous state, I could do
+no good."
+
+"No, no, Clara, you won't," said Marian, whilst Walter had begun to
+look in consternation at Clara. "Nobody ever has nerves when there is
+anything to be done. You know Mrs. Lyddell is much better."
+
+"O but she will be so very unhappy and excited about papa's being
+gone, and I am sure I shall never be able to conceal from her all this
+dreadful business about Elliot."
+
+"Yes, you will," said Marian quietly. "We shall do very well indeed, it
+cannot be for long, and if we wanted him we could get Walter home in a
+few hours' time. If he can send us good news of Lionel, it will help us
+much more than his staying here could do."
+
+"If dear Caroline,"--and Clara burst into a fit of weeping, which
+obliged her to leave the room. Every one was feeling the same thing,
+that Caroline, with her energy, good sense, and the power she had once
+possessed with her mother, would have made all easy, and the sense of
+missing her had come strongly upon them all. Marian followed Clara to
+her own room, let her lean upon her and cry, wept with her, joined in
+saying how grievous the loss was, and how much they had loved her, and
+how they should want her every day and every hour, then called hack the
+remembrance that Caroline had not been happy here, and had longed for
+rest, and it was come to her, and they must not be selfish, but there
+Clara cried more, saying that Marian never knew what a sister was, and
+it was unkind to wish her to be glad.
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, pausing as her tears flowed fast, "I have
+known death, Clara."
+
+"You weren't glad!" said Clara passionately.
+
+"I don't know," she said thinking, and speaking with difficulty. "Not
+then, not always now, O no! But I always knew I ought to be glad, for
+dear papa had suffered so much, I could not wish it to be going on
+still--no, no. And dear mamma, when he was gone, it was a sad world for
+her, she could only have wished to stay for our sakes. Yet, after the
+first, I always felt it was right, and so will you too, Clara, in time."
+
+"If she was but here to help me!" sobbed Clara.
+
+"We must try," said Marian, "we can't be as useful and ready as she was,
+but we will do our very best. I am sure Mrs. Lyddell likes to have you
+sit with her."
+
+"Did you think so?" said Clara, ready to be cheered by any token, of
+preference.
+
+"Yes, I saw how glad she was to have you instead of me, when you came in
+from the garden."
+
+Clara looked pleased.
+
+"You will sit with her, and read to her, and I can help you when you
+have too much on your hands at once. You see it is a great comfort to
+Mr. Lyddell to have you to leave her with."
+
+The being made important was a great thing with Clara, and she was quite
+reconciled to the prospect of her charge by the time they had to go down
+stairs to tea.
+
+After tea Marian was left alone with Lionel, while Clara was with her
+mother; and Walter in consultation with Mr. Lyddell, for here at least
+was one benefit, that Walter seemed to have taken his proper place, and
+to be a real comfort and help to his father in a way he had never hoped
+for.
+
+"You've cheered up Clara, I hear in her voice," said Lionel.
+
+"O yes, we shall do very well."
+
+"Do you mind it, Marian?" said he, turning his ear towards her, as if
+to judge by the minute intonations of her answer, as people do by the
+expression of the countenance.
+
+Her reply was brave, "No, not at all."
+
+"Are you sure?"
+
+"Yes. I don't see what would be gained by keeping you and Walter here.
+She does not depend on Walter as she does on your father, and all that
+is required we can do as well without Walter in the house. It would be
+nonsense to keep you merely for the feel of having some one, and for the
+rest, I am sure Clara will be the better for being thrust forward, and
+made useful."
+
+"Very well. I should not in the least mind waiting, for I have not much
+hope myself, but it is just as well for oneself and every one else to be
+put out of one's misery as soon as possible, and settle down into it."
+
+Marian remembered how differently he had spoken half a year ago, when
+the danger first broke on him, and looking up she saw his steadfast
+though mournful face. She spoke her thought.
+
+"It has been a great thing to have this long preparation."
+
+"Yes, I am glad of it, though I have been a great plague and nuisance to
+every one, especially to you, Marian. I know what you're going to say,
+so let alone that. I wish--. But no use talking of that, she was very
+kind and we got very comfortable together after you were gone, Marian,
+and I like to remember that."
+
+"Ah! I was sure you would. And Walter read you what she said about you?"
+
+"Yes, I wish--I little knew"--then suddenly "Marian, I'll tell you
+something: one morning when you were gone, she had to read a bit of a
+chapter in the Gospel about the healing the blind man, and you can't
+think how hard she tried to get through it without breaking down, but
+she could not. She cried at last, as if she could not help it, and then
+she got up, and came and kissed me, and I felt her tears on my face. I
+didn't know what to say, but that's what I like to remember."
+
+"And the Church-going on Christmas day," whispered Marian.
+
+"Ay, she led me up," said Lionel.
+
+"Everything is so very comforting," said Marian.
+
+"So Walter says."
+
+"Lionel, do you remember the print you and Gerald gave me long ago of S.
+Margaret walking through the dark wood of this world, and subduing the
+dragon? I am sure she is like it. She had all this world before her, and
+she chose vexation and trouble instead of doing wrong! O Lionel, it is
+very noble!"
+
+"That it is," said Lionel, "only things never seem so at the time. I
+wish they did, but. I am glad my father saw it all right before, and
+said he was glad she had given him up."
+
+"Yes, that is a comfort."
+
+"My poor father!" said Lionel presently, "I never guessed he cared so
+much about--things. Do you know, Marian, I think even if I do get back
+my eyes, I could not go after the Australian bulls, unless 'twas the
+only way of getting a living."
+
+"I am glad you have put them out of your head," said Marian, smiling
+sadly.
+
+"Ay, I was very mad upon them once," said Lionel, "but I see that eyes
+or no eyes, we must set ourselves in earnest to be some sort of comfort
+to them, and if Johnny is to be always at sea, I had better not be on
+the other side of the world. If I am to see, why then it is all right;
+if not, I'll do the best I can at home."
+
+"That's right, Lionel."
+
+"I can do a good deal already, I am no trouble to any one, am I? I can
+go all over the house and park by myself, and find all my own goods
+without any one's help, and I'll do more in time, so as to be no bother
+to any one, and I do believe now they like to have me at home. Don't you
+remember, Marian," and he lowered his voice confidentially, one reason
+why I wanted to go to Australia, and make a fortune?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, knowing that he meant his vision of winning love
+from his parents.
+
+"Well, I think," said he, "that being blind has answered as well."
+
+A silence, then he went on, "I know what you meant now about a time when
+I might he glad to have been blind. If Caroline had married that man,
+she would not have died as happily as that, and there was an end of all
+the trouble and vexation; so there will be an end to my blindness some
+time or other, and it will keep me out of lots of mischief. I don't mean
+that there is not plenty of opportunity of doing wrong as it is," he
+added, "but not so much. Better be blind than like Elliot, and perhaps I
+might have come to that."
+
+"O Lionel, it is such a comfort you can speak so!"
+
+"I've tried it now, and 'tis not so very bad," said Lionel, turning with
+an odd mixture of smile and sadness, "besides I saw almost the last of
+her face, and I should only miss her the more like her voice. I have got
+her face stored up with all of yours. You know I shan't see when any of
+you grow old and ugly, Marian. Well, and after all I am glad it is to
+be settled now, I don't think I shall mind it near so much as I should
+another time, now I have just heard all that over her grave. I got
+Walter to read it to me all over again when we came home. It has been
+very nice to have Walter."
+
+Marian guessed how Walter had strengthened and helped him, and she
+judged rightly, but she did not know how silently he listened to all
+Walter's talkings and readings, unable to pour out his full feeling to
+any one but herself.
+
+The others came in from their different quarters, it was late, and
+Marian was about to wish good night, when Walter in a low hurried voice
+said to her and Clara, "Don't go yet, my father wishes to have prayers."
+
+A moment more and the servants came in, all were kneeling, and Marian's
+tears of thankful joy were streaming fast as Walter read an evening
+prayer. Was not Caroline glad? was the thought, as she recollected that
+first morning, when all had seemed to her childish mind so dreary and
+unhallowed, and when Caroline had lamented the omission. Yes! was not
+Caroline glad, now that one of the dearest wishes of her heart had been
+gained? Was she not glad of this first token that trouble had brought a
+change over her father?
+
+Each fresh petition brought such a gush of earnest softened tears that
+Marian's face bore evident traces of them, when she rose up, and had to
+wish Mr. Lyddell good night. She did not speak, but held out her hand.
+He spoke with difficulty, "My dear," he said, "I have wished to thank
+you, but I cannot otherwise than by leaving more on your hands. Walter
+has told you how it is with us. You are kind enough to help Clara.
+I don't know what we should do without you. I rely on your judgment
+entirely."
+
+"I'll do my best," said Marian, "I am glad to be of use."
+
+"You were _her_ best friend," said Mr. Lyddell hastily. "Well, good
+night, thank you, my dear," and he kissed her forehead, as though she
+had been his own daughter.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+  "Let us be patient. These severe afflictions
+  Not from the ground arise
+  But oftentimes celestial benedictions
+  Assume this dark disguise.
+
+  "We see but dimly through the mists and vapours
+  Amid these earthly damps
+  What seems to us but sad funereal tapers
+  May be heaven's distant lamps."
+
+  LONGFELLOW.
+
+
+There were morning prayers before the hurried breakfast, which was
+interspersed with numerous directions about what was to be done for Mrs.
+Lyddell, and what letters were to be sent after Mr. Lyddell. Lionel was
+grave and silent, as became one whose fate was in the balance, without
+either shrinking or bravado; but somewhat as if he was more inclined,
+than had been the case last night, to hope for a favorable result.
+With heartfelt prayers did Marian watch him as be crossed the hall and
+entered the carriage, calling out a cheerful good-bye,--prayers that, if
+it were the will of Heaven, his affliction might be removed; but that if
+not, help might be given him to turn it into a blessing, as he seemed
+almost to be beginning to do. His father, too,--little had Marian ever
+thought to feel for him the affectionate compassion and sympathy, of
+which she was now sensible, as she responded to his kind, fatherly
+farewell, and thought of what he must be feeling; obliged to leave his
+wife in so anxious and suffering a state; his daughter, the pride of the
+family, removed so suddenly; his most promising son probably blind for
+life; his eldest, a grief, pain, and shame to them all. Marian must pray
+for him too, that he might be supported and aided through these most
+bitter trials, and that the work which they had begun in him might go on
+and be perfected; that these troubles, grievous as they were, might in
+his ease also turn to blessings.
+
+The occupation of the two girls was all day the care of Mrs. Lyddell.
+She was not worse, as far as bodily ailments went; the attack of cold,
+brought on by leaving her room to attend on Caroline, had gone off,
+and her strength was in some degree returning; but she was restless,
+excited, irritable, and with an inability to restrain herself, that was
+more alarming than Marian liked to own to herself, far less to Clara.
+
+She insisted on getting up at an earlier hour than she had hitherto
+attempted; she was worn out and wearied with dressing; she was impatient
+and vexed with Clara, for some mistake about her pillows; and the
+trembling of her hand, as she was eating some broth, was uncontrollable.
+The broth was not what she liked, and she would send for the
+housekeeper, to reprove her about it; asked questions about the
+arrangements, found them not as she wished; spoke sharply, said no one
+took heed to anything while she was ill, and then burst into a fit of
+weeping at the thought of the daughter who would have been able to
+supply her place.
+
+This spent itself, (for the girls were unable to do anything effectual
+in soothing it away); the doctors made their daily visit, and cheered
+her up a little. The consequence of this exhilaration was, that she
+began talking about Lionel, and anticipating his perfect recovery;
+arranging how they were all to go and join him in London, and working
+herself up to a state of great excitement; pettish with Marian for not
+being able to answer her hopefully, and at last, hysterically laughing
+at the picture she drew of Lionel with restored sight.
+
+Marian asked if she would be read to, and took up a serious book, with
+which she had put her to sleep two or three times before, but nothing
+of the kind would she hear; and as the best chance of at least quieting
+her, Marian went on a voyage of discovery among the club books down
+stairs, and brought up a book of travels, and a novel. Mrs. Lyddell
+chose the novel; it was a very exciting story, and caught the attention
+of all three. Marian grew eager about it, and was well pleased to go on;
+and so it occupied them most of the afternoon and evening, driving out a
+great deal of care, as Marian could not help gratefully acknowledging,
+though she would willingly have had space to work out with herself the
+question, whether care had best be driven out or grappled with. Mrs.
+Lyddell was indeed in no state to grapple with it, and there was nothing
+to be done but to take the best present means of distracting her
+attention; yet it was to be feared that, though put aside, the enemy was
+not conquered,--and might there not be worse to come?
+
+It was about half-past seven and the two girls were drinking tea with
+Mrs. Lyddell in her room. She was just beginning to make herself unhappy
+about Mr. Lyddell's late journey and night-voyage, when there was a tap
+at the door, and on the answer, "Come in!" it opened, and Lionel stood
+there.
+
+There was a sudden exclamation: they all three sprang up and looked at
+him, but alas! it was still by feeling that he came forward, though his
+countenance was cheerful, and there was a smile upon his lips.
+
+"Well, mamma," he said, in a brave, almost a lively tone, "you must
+be content to have me at home." And in answer to their broken, half
+expressed interrogations, "No, he can't do any thing for me; so it was
+not worth while to stay any longer in London. How are you this evening,
+mamma?"
+
+He was guiding himself towards her chair, one hand on the table; she
+threw herself forward to meet him, flung her arms round his neck and
+sobbed, "My boy, my poor dear boy! O Lionel! it has been all my fault
+and neglect!"
+
+"No, no, don't--don't say that, mamma!" said Lionel, extremely
+distressed by her weeping, and not knowing where to rest her, as she
+hung with her whole weight abandoned on him. Marian and Clara were
+obliged to help him, and seat her in her chair again; while she still
+wept piteously, and poor Lionel stood, hearing the sobs, and very much
+grieved. "Ought I not to have told her?" said he to Marian. "I thought
+if she saw I could bear it, it would be better than writing."
+
+"Yes, yes, you did quite right; she will be better presently."
+
+She was soon better, and leaning back on her pillows exhausted, looked
+up at the fine tall boy before her, the glow of youth and health on his
+face, spirit and enterprise in every feature,--but those large blue
+eyes, bright as they were, for ever darkened and useless.
+
+"O Lionel!" she sighed again.
+
+"The man behaved very well," said Lionel; "he did not plague me at all.
+He only pulled up my eyelids--so--and studied them, and I suppose he
+gave some sign to my father, for I heard him make a noise that showed me
+how I was; so I asked. He told me there was not a chance, and made me
+understand the rights of it; and so here I am. Never mind, mamma, there
+was a tendency to it all my life, and nothing would have stopped it in
+the end; and now I know what it is, I have no doubt but I shall do very
+well. I mean to be like the blind man that unharnessed all the horses in
+the middle of the night, when the coach was upset, and no one else was
+of any use."
+
+He stopped once or twice in his harangue, to judge how his mother was,
+by her breathings; and he spoke with a smile and look of resolution
+and eagerness, as he concluded with another "Never mind, mamma, for I
+don't." She took hold of his hand, and pressed it, too much overcome to
+speak.
+
+"Is papa gone?" asked Clara.
+
+"Yes." And Lionel proceeded to give a message which he had sent back.
+
+"And where's Walter?"
+
+"In the drawing-room."
+
+More people were already in the room than Marian thought good for Mrs.
+Lyddell; and understanding Clara's wishes, she went down to speak to
+Walter, to carry a message that his mother would see him after tea, and
+to arrange for a substantial supper for the two youths, who had had no
+dinner.
+
+Walter was waiting anxiously to know how his mother had endured the
+tidings.
+
+"She was very much, overcome at first," said Marian; "but now she has
+had a good cry, she will be more likely to go to sleep quietly. Poor
+Lionel! he did it admirably."
+
+"It has been his chief thought," said Walter. "He begged to come home at
+once, saying it would be the best way to have it over before night;
+it would save all hoping and worrying, about him; and the instant we
+arrived, he ran straight up stairs."
+
+Walter and Marian were not familiar enough to say it to each other, but
+both were comparing his present conduct with his former bitterness of
+spirit against his mother. Death, sorrow, anxiety, and illness had drawn
+close the cords of love, and opened the well-springs of affection, so
+long choked up and soured by neglect and worldly care.
+
+"How did he bear it at the first?"
+
+"Bravely; he had wound himself up. He was flushing and turning pale all
+through the journey; but when once he came to the door, he was as calm
+and steady as possible. My father was much more agitated; he would lead
+Lionel himself, and very nearly threw him down the steps. You should
+have seen how Lionel never flinched,--did not let one feature quiver
+while he was being turned round to the light and examined. We saw how it
+was by the doctor's face, but Lionel spoke first, as--no, more steadily,
+than I can tell it, 'There is nothing to be done, then?'--attended more
+firmly to the explanation of the causes than we could, spoke as freely
+as if it had been about some indifferent case. The doctor was quite
+struck with it. He shook hands with him when he went, and kept me a
+moment after, to say, of all the many cases he had seen, he had never
+known greater resolution,--never seen any one he had been more sorry
+for. However, it was not only that,--that might have been the pride of
+firmness; but it has been the same all along. He set himself to cheer my
+father, who was very much overcome; and ever since has been telling me
+of all his schemes for employment, and arranging how to spare my mother
+as much as possible. Yes, he is a fine fellow!" said Walter, stopping
+with a heavy sigh.
+
+"I am sure he will make himself happy," said Marian earnestly; "you
+don't know how many resources he has, and you see how wonderfully
+independent he is already."
+
+"Yes," said Walter, sadly; "but though I know it is all right--to see
+what he might have been! But that is mere nonsense," he added, catching
+himself up; "we should never have known what was in him; and perhaps he
+would have been very different."
+
+Not a word expressed of Walter's sincere thankfulness for the change
+that affliction was bringing on them.
+
+Lionel came down presently, Marian presided at their tea, and would have
+enjoyed it very much, if she had not been sorry Clara should not be
+relieved from her harassing attendance up stairs. But her mother could
+not spare her, and perhaps the being positively useful, and pulled by
+force out of her childishness, was the best thing for her.
+
+"Marian, I hope you will be able to ride with me to-morrow, if mamma
+does not want you?" said Lionel.
+
+Walter looked full of inquiry and consternation.
+
+"If we can manage it," said Marian, cheerfully; though now that the
+custom had been disused for a time, she did not like the notion quite
+so well as before; since she could not now even figure to herself that
+Lionel guided himself at all, He had said it chiefly for the purpose
+of asserting his intention of continuing the practice, and was quite
+satisfied by her answer.
+
+Walter went up stairs to his mother shortly after, and Lionel was left
+alone with Marian.
+
+"I am sure I hope it won't hurt her," said he; "I thought it was best to
+have it out at once."
+
+"Much the best, since it was to come."
+
+"Yes," he said, pausing for some space, then exclaiming, "I don't know,
+though! I thought it would be better to know the worst, and have one's
+mind made up; but I don't think 'tis more comfortable, after all. I
+should like to get back that little spark of hope I had this morning!
+O, Marian, there was one time when the sun shone out full, and so warm,
+exactly on my face, and some one in the train said it was a glorious
+winter day. It was close by Slough; I knew we were in sight of the
+castle, and perhaps one might see the chapel, and the trees in the
+playing-fields. I thought soon, I might be seeing it all again: and
+I vow, Marian, I could have leaped from here to Windsor at the bare
+thought. It was being a great fool, to be sure; but as we came back, I
+was half glad it was dark, so that nobody else could see it."
+
+"Yet I am sure your last half year at Eton was no happy time; you went
+through a great deal."
+
+"I'd do it all again, if I could see as much as I did then," said
+Lionel. "I don't mind it so much in general now; I get on much better
+than I thought I should, and it is not nearly as bad now I am quite in
+the dark, and wake up to it, as when the glimmer of light was going. I
+can do very well, except when a great gush--I don't know what to call
+it--great rush of remembering the sky and all sorts of things comes
+on me, and I know it is to be darkness always. Then!--but it is all
+nonsense talking of it. I shall get the better of that, some day or
+other, I suppose. But I did not think, yesterday, that the being sure of
+it would be half so bad!"
+
+"You braced yourself yesterday, and that helped you to-day."
+
+"Yes; and then there was my father,--he has enough to vex him, without
+knowing all this. And, after all, it is nothing; I've got plenty to do,
+and I'll manage it capitally. I'll tell you what, Marian, if mamma can
+spare you, we'll ride to Salisbury, and get some of that good twine, and
+I'll make Gerald the fishing-net you said he wanted."
+
+Lionel had hitherto never consented to learn to net.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was better the next day, and all was quiet and prosperous,
+so that Walter could write a satisfactory account to his father. Clara
+had a good walk with her brothers in the morning, and in the afternoon
+the ride took effect: Marian came into Mrs. Lyddell's room in her habit,
+and gave notice, "we are going to ride," so much as if it was a matter
+of course that Mrs. Lyddell asked no questions, and feared no dangers.
+Walter went with them, and Marian could have wished him away, for he was
+so anxious and nervous as very nearly to make her the same, and though
+he said nothing of his anxieties, Lionel found them out, and told him
+in his old gruff way that there was nothing to be in a taking about;
+indeed, Lionel was the more inclined to be adventurous in order to show
+himself entirely at his ease.
+
+However, nothing went wrong, and Marian and he both felt it a point
+gained that their riding together was established. A few days passed
+on quietly and gravely, a pause of waiting and suspense. Mrs.
+Lyddell, though less ill, was not materially improved as regarded the
+excitability of her spirits. She would be excessively depressed at
+one time, at another in such high spirits as were much more alarming.
+Sometimes she would talk about their being all ruined and undone, and go
+on rapidly to say they must give up the house in London, retrench, live
+on nothing; at others she anticipated Mr. Lyddell's bringing Elliot
+back, all his debts paid, to live at home and be a comfort, or some
+friend was to give Walter a great living, or Clara was to come out, and
+to be presented in the summer. At the same time the fretful irritability
+of nerve and temper continued, and any unusual excitement, the talking a
+little longer in her room, a letter, or a little disappointment, would
+keep her awake all night. One thing, however, seemed certain, that
+Lionel's presence had some of the same power over her as her husband's;
+she was too much occupied with watching him, to work herself into her
+anxious excited moods, and now that he had grown more familiar with her,
+his cheerful lively way of speaking always refreshed and pleased her. He
+would come in, in a glow of bright health, from a quick walk or ride in
+the clear frosty air, and show such genuine pleasure and animation
+as must console those who were grieving for his privation; he would
+undertake her messages, and find things in a wonderful manner, and he
+liked to listen to the reading aloud that always went on in her room.
+When Lionel came in, Marian and Clara always felt relieved from half
+their present care.
+
+At last came a letter from Mr. Lyddell to Walter. The worst of his
+fears were fulfilled. Elliot was actually married, and report had not
+exaggerated the disgrace of the connection. Mr. Lyddell had not chosen
+to see him, and intended to be at home, by the end of the next day,
+after they would receive the letter.
+
+It was a great shock, but perhaps none of the four young people had
+such lively hopes of Elliot as to be very much overwhelmed by the
+disappointment, as far as he was individually concerned. He had never
+been a kind elder brother to Clara or Lionel, and it was only Walter who
+could have any of those recollections of a childhood spent together,
+which would make the loss of intercourse personally painful. They had
+all been brought up to a sort of loyal feeling towards Elliot as the
+eldest, and to think his extravagance almost a matter of course, but
+only the tie of blood, and sympathy for their parents could cause them
+any acute pain on his account.
+
+For their parents they were greatly grieved, for Elliot had with all
+his faults, been their especial pride and hope, and the effect on Mrs.
+Lyddell in her present state was very much to be apprehended. It was a
+comfort however that it was decided in full council that they might put
+off the evil day of telling her, for there was no occasion that she
+should be informed till her husband returned. He came the next day, and
+very worn down, broken and oldened did he look, as he returned to his
+mourning household. Not a word did he say in public of the object of his
+journey, and all that transpired to Marian, through Lionel, who heard
+it from Walter, was "that it was as bad as bad could be; it was thought
+Elliot had done it out of spite, at any rate he was never likely to
+bring his wife to England." Neither did Mrs. Lyddell speak of it, and
+Marian only knew that she had been informed of it, by the increased
+excitability and irritation of her nerves. Poor Clara underwent
+plenty of scolding, for she was the only victim, since Mrs. Lyddell's
+continuous dislike to Marian kept her on her ordinary terms of
+ceremony, scarcely ever asking her to do her any service, thanking her
+scrupulously, and never finding fault to her face.
+
+Marian was at first very sorry for Clara, who was bewildered, and
+disconcerted, but after a day or two, things seemed to right themselves
+wonderfully. Clara grew used to the fretfulness, and was no longer
+frightened by it, nor made unhappy, but learnt how to meet it and smooth
+it down without being hurt by it. It was surely the instinct of natural
+affection, for inferior in every way as she was to Marian, yet in her
+mother's sick room she suddenly acquired all the tact, power, and
+management that Marian failed in. Hitherto she had been childish and
+astray, as if she wanted her vocation; now she had found it, and settled
+admirably into it, acquiring a sense, energy, and activity that no one
+could have supposed her capable of.
+
+Outside that room, she was the same Clara still, without much either of
+rational tastes or conversation, afraid of her father, and not much of a
+companion to her brother, helpless in everything that did not regard her
+mother, and clinging to Marian for help and direction, Marian must speak
+for her, tell her what to say if she had to write a note, take the
+responsibility of every arrangement. Nothing was much harder than to
+shove Clara forward into becoming the ostensible lady of the house,
+as it seemed as if she must continue for some time to come, since the
+doctors spoke of the most absolute rest and freedom from excitement
+being necessary to restore her mother's shattered health and spirits.
+She was to see no visitors, be soothed as much as possible, have no
+cares or anxieties brought to her, be only moderately occupied and
+amused, or the nervous attacks would return. Marian had a suspicion that
+they feared for her mind. She became stronger, was able to rise earlier,
+and to drive out in the carriage, but she never dined with the family,
+and remained in her sitting room up stairs, with Clara for her regular
+attendant, and visits from the rest.
+
+Walter returned to his curacy as soon as he could be spared, and Lionel
+became, as usual, chiefly dependent on Marian, who read to him, walked
+with him, rode with him, assisted him in his contrivances for helping
+himself, and was his constant guide and companion; doing at the same
+time all she could for Clara's service, but keeping in the back ground
+and making Clara do all the representative part for herself.
+
+They missed Caroline every hour of the day, far more since they had
+settled into an every-day course of habits and most especially in the
+evening and at meal times. There always used to be so much conversation
+going on at dinner and now no one seemed to say anything; Clara sat at
+the head of the table in awe of her father, Lionel and Marian did not
+feel disposed to talk in their own way before him there never had been
+any freedom of intercourse, and nobody knew how to begin.
+
+Marian thought the silent party very sad and forlorn for poor Mr.
+Lyddell, and that it must remind him grievously of the state of his
+family. Some one must talk, but how were they ever to begin? She was the
+worst person in the world to do it, yet try she must.
+
+She began talking over the ride they had taken that day, but Clara was
+not at her ease enough to ask questions, or make observations, Lionel
+did not second her, and Mr. Lyddell said no more than "O." Another day
+she tried giving a history of a call that had been made by some of their
+neighbors, but nobody would be interested. How could she be so stupid?
+She almost dreaded dinner time. At last one day, she luckily cast her
+eyes on the newspaper, and it is a melancholy truth that the sight of a
+horrid murder gave her a certain degree of satisfaction! She began about
+it at dinner, when every one talked about it, every one had some view as
+to the perpetrator, and it really carried them through all dinner time
+without one dreary tract of silence, and served them on a second day.
+
+A second day and a third, for more intelligence came out, and then
+luckily for her, came a revolution, next a dreadful accident, and at
+last the habit of talking became so well established that there was no
+need to look for topics in the newspaper. It was without an effort that
+she could originate a remark addressed to Mr. Lyddell. Lionel began to
+shake off his old schoolboy reserves, and rattle on freely. Clara grew
+more at ease, and Mr. Lyddell began to be entertained, to be drawn into
+the conversation, and to narrate his day's doings, just as of old
+when his wife was there, pleased with their interest in them, making
+explanations, and diverted with Lionel's merry comments.
+
+It was however dreary and uncomfortable, with all these vague anxieties
+for Mrs. Lyddell, and with the whole house in the unsettled state
+consequent on missing its moving power. The servants had been used to
+depend on her, and could not go on without her; they teased Clara,
+and Clara teased Marian about them, no one knew what to do, nor what
+authority to assume, and the petty vexations were endless that were
+borne by the two girls rather than annoy Mr. Lyddell; perplexities,
+doubts whether they were doing what was wise or right by the house or by
+the servants; Marian's good sense making her judge the right, but her
+awkwardness, and Clara's incapacity, breaking down in the execution;
+continual worry and no dignity in it.
+
+The loss of Caroline as a companion was severely felt. Marian had not
+been fully conscious how very closely entwined their hearts had been,
+how necessary they had grown to each other even before those latter days
+of full confidence. Every pursuit was mixed up with Caroline, every walk
+recalled her, every annoyance would have given way at her light touch.
+There was no one left with whom Marian could have anything like the
+conversations they had been used to enjoy from almost the earliest
+days of her coming to Oakworthy. Lionel was indeed a very agreeable
+companion, nay more, a friend, full of right feeling, principle, good
+sense, thought, and liveliness; but a younger boy could never make up
+for the loss of such a friend of her own sex. Each evening as she sat
+over the fire in her room, her heart ached with longing for Caroline's
+tap at the door, or with the wish to go and knock at hers, and then the
+thrill at thinking that there was only gloom and vacancy in her room.
+Had they but found each other out before! But oh! how much better to
+think of her as she did of her own parents, added to her store in
+Paradise, than to see her the wife of that man, unhappy as she must have
+been unless she had lost all that was excellent and hopeful.
+
+These thoughts would comfort Marian when she went up to bed, harassed,
+weary, disgusted with cares and vexations, and craving for rest and
+sympathy. She thought of the home that awaited her at Fern Torr, the
+hope that had carried her through last autumn, but withal came a dim
+vague perception that a great sacrifice might be before her. Would it be
+right to seek her own happiness and repose there, and leave the Lyddells
+to their present distress? She did not think she was of much use, Clara
+was all-sufficient for her mother, and Marian was rather less liked by
+Mrs. Lyddell than formerly; but as a support to Clara, as a companion to
+Lionel, and as some one to talk to Mr. Lyddell, she was not absolutely
+useless. She had no doubt Clara and Lionel would miss her sadly, indeed
+it would be unkind to leave them, it would be positively wrong to
+forsake them when she was of some value, and go where she could not
+suppose herself to be actually wanted, though she might be loved and
+cherished. Yet to give up that beloved hope! The vision that had
+delighted her from the first years of her orphanhood; the hope become
+tangible beyond all expectations, the wish of her heart. To give up
+home, Edmund and Agnes, for this weary life! How could she? But it was
+not worth while to think about it yet, things might change, before they
+were ready for her, Mrs. Lyddell might recover, Clara and Lionel might
+grow sufficient for each other, anything might, would or should happen,
+rather than she would give up her beloved hope of the home she longed
+for, especially now the house was actually building, and each letter
+brought her accounts of its progress.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+  "Perchance it was ours on life's journey to enter
+  Some path through whose shadows no lovelight was thrown,
+  With heart that could breast the fierce storms of its winter,
+  And gather the wealth of its harvest alone;
+  It is well there are stars in bright heaven to guide us
+  To heights we ne'er dreamt of,--but oh, to forget
+  The fortunes that bar, and the gulfs that divide us
+  From paths that looked lovely, with some we have met."
+
+  F. BROWNE.
+
+
+Many weeks had passed away, and nothing had changed, in any
+material way, since the spring. Mrs. Lyddell's condition was still
+unsatisfactory, and she seemed to be settling into a confirmed state of
+ill health, and almost of hypochondriacism. So many shocks, following
+each other in such quick succession, on a person entirely unprepared by
+nature, experience or self-regulation, had entirely broken her down, and
+shattered her nerves and spirits in a manner which she seemed less and
+less like to recover. She was only able to rise late in the day, take a
+short drive, and after dining in her own room, come down in the evening,
+if they were alone, and it was a good day with her.
+
+No change, neither sea air, nor London advice, had made much difference,
+and her condition had become so habitual, that her family had ceased to
+expect any considerable amendment; and it was likely that Clara would,
+for many years, have full employment as her companion and attendant.
+Lionel was perfectly, hopelessly blind, but growing reconciled to his
+misfortune, and habituated to the privation, as well as resigned in
+will. His natural character, of a high-spirited, joyous, enterprising
+boy, showed itself still in his independence and fearlessness, joined to
+cheerfulness, and enlivened the house. He had even gone the length of
+talking freely and drolly to his father, and Mr. Lyddell had learnt to
+smile, and even laugh at his fun.
+
+There had been fears that the removal to London, for the session of
+Parliament, would be a great privation to him, since he would miss the
+wandering about the downs by himself, and the riding with Marian; but
+his temper and spirits did not fail. He walked every day with her, and
+was entertained with all he heard, both by his own quick ears, and by
+her description. They went to exhibitions, where she saw for him, and
+there were lectures, readings, and other oral amusements, to which his
+father, or some good-natured friend, would take him. He began to acquire
+a taste for music, which he had hitherto never cared to hear, and
+concerts became a great delight to him: though he had not the correct
+ear, and admirable appreciation of music, that often, in blind persons,
+seems like a compensation for the loss of the pleasures of the eye.
+
+Lady Marchmont became very kind to him. She was thoroughly good natured,
+and the sight of the blind youth, whose arm Marian held as they walked
+together, stirred all her kindly feelings. He was gentlemanlike
+and pleasant looking, and his manner, now divested of schoolboy
+_brusquerie_, was frank and confiding. Selina was disposed to like him,
+and to be interested in him. She found, too, that Marian did not like to
+go out when his amusement was not provided for; so at first for Marian's
+sake, then for his own, she made him join them when they went to
+concerts, or to any other amusement that could gratify him. Her bright
+liveliness and spirited way of talking, won him; and it delighted Marian
+to see what great friends they became, even to the length of laughing
+over the old Wreath of Beauty story together. And when at length she was
+brought, of her own accord, in some degree to patronise Clara, it was a
+triumph indeed; and Mrs. Lyddell was more obliged to Marian than for all
+the real benefits she had conferred, when she saw Clara dressed to go to
+a party at Lady Marchmont's.
+
+All this time Marian was becoming more and more a prey to that secret
+doubt, whether it might not be a duty to give up her cherished hope of a
+home at Fern Torr. She did not see how she could be spared. Clara was an
+admirable attendant on her mother, and was becoming a better mistress of
+the house; but she was not able to be at the same time a companion to
+her father and Lionel, and, poor girl, she would be very forlorn and
+much at a loss, without Marian's elder sisterhood; for the sense of help
+and reliance that Marian's presence gave her was little less. For her to
+go away, would be to bring home to Clara the loss of Caroline more than
+she had ever been left to feel it.
+
+Yet, on the other hand, Clara was no companion. They talked, indeed, but
+they never discussed,--never had any interchange of higher sympathies or
+reflections; it was not getting beyond the immediate matter in hand;
+and often Marian, would be sensible that, if her own pleasure were
+consulted, a walk or ride, with her thoughts free to range in meditation
+or day-dream, was preferable to Clara's chatter.
+
+Her own pleasure,--that she enjoyed but little, and less now than ever,
+for her time was never her own. There was Lionel on her hands almost
+every day, to be read to, or walked with; and if he went out with his
+father, or spent an hour in his mother's room, there was Clara wanting
+her quite as much, for gossip, exercise, or consultation. Mrs. Lyddell,
+too, must be visited; for though Marian was not the most beloved,
+or most welcome person in the world, yet a change of society and
+conversation was desirable, both for her sake and Clara's; so more
+than two hours every day were spent in her sitting-room. Then, in the
+evening, Marian's thoughts and ears must be free for Mr. Lyddell and
+Lionel. All her own pursuits were at an end, she had hardly touched a
+pencil the whole year, nor opened a German book, nor indeed any book,
+excepting what she read to Lionel, and these were many. She was very
+seldom able to enjoy the luxury of being alone; she could hardly even
+write her letters, except by sitting up for them; and even the valuable
+hour before midnight was not certain to be her own, for if Clara had no
+other time to pour out her cares, she used to come then, and linger in
+her cousin's room, reiterating petty perplexities, endless in detail.
+
+How delightful to escape from all this, to quietness, peace, freedom
+from her own cares and other people's,--Fern Torr air and scenery,
+Edmund and Agnes for companions, and liberty to teach school children,
+go about among her own people, do good in her own way, and enjoy her own
+studies. It was like a captive longing to be set free,--a wanderer in
+sight of home.
+
+But the captive paused on the threshold of the dungeon; the wanderer
+stood still on the brow of the last hill. Marian paced up and down her
+own room, and thought and reasoned half aloud,--
+
+  "Sweet is the smile of home, the mutual look,
+  When hearts are of each other sure;
+  Sweet all the joys that crown the household nook,
+  The haunt of all affections pure:
+  Yet in the world even these abide, and we
+  Above the world our calling boast."
+
+"And I am making them the world, if for their sake I give up what my
+conscience calls on me to do. I know, though I do little good here, my
+going away would make them more uncomfortable. Have I any right to seek
+my pleasure? But I should do more good there; I should go to school,
+read to the poor people, go to Church in the week, be more improved
+myself. O that home of peace and joy! And Gerald--my first duty is to
+him. But what harm would it do him? I could go home for his holidays. I
+must not deceive myself; I have been put in the way of positive duties
+here, or rather, ways of being useful have grown up round me. Is it
+right to run away from them,--poor Lionel, poor Clara! Would not every
+weary hour of Lionel's--every time Clara was teased, and teased
+her father,--be my fault? But how Edmund and Agnes will be
+disappointed!--they who will have been throwing away so much kind care!
+O you goose of a Marian! are you going to fancy it is for your sake that
+they mean to marry? don't you think they can do very well without you?
+How very silly to be sorry that it must be so!--how very, very silly!
+And even Gerald will marry one of these days, and will not want me; and
+shall I always be alone then? For as to that other sort of affection, I
+am sure it is quite certain that I can never care for any body enough to
+marry,--never half as well as for Gerald. No, no one will ever love me
+as I do others; every one has some one nearer to them; a lonely life,
+and never a home! Well, then there is a home somewhere else, and those
+who made my earthly home are waiting for me there, in the Land of the
+Leal."
+
+Such was the tenor of Marian's oft-repeated musings. The practical
+result was a resolution to consult Edmund when she should go to Fern
+Torr to his wedding, early in August. She could not write her pros and
+cons, but to Edmund she could tell them, and trust to him as a just and
+impartial judge; and if Agnes was angry, it would serve them, thought
+Marian, smiling, for a quarrel, for they won't have many other chances
+of one.
+
+However, the time drew on when, behold, every one's calculations were
+disturbed by a sudden dissolution of Parliament. Hitherto such events
+had not made much difference to the Lyddells; as Mr. Lyddell's election
+had been, for the last twenty years, unopposed; and the only doubt
+at present was, whether he thought it worth while to stand again,
+considering that he was growing old and weary of business, and besides
+could not well afford the London house.
+
+He had been hinting something of the kind to Lionel and Marian in the
+evening, as a matter under consideration and they had heard it with
+joy, when the next morning made a sudden change in affairs, by bringing
+tidings that Mr. Faulkner was soliciting the votes of Mr. Lyddell's
+constituents on the opposite interest, taking the wrong side of the
+question,--a most important one, upon which the dissolution had taken
+place.
+
+Here was indignation indeed. There was something so unfeeling in such a
+proceeding, on his part, that the mildest word spoken against him was
+Marian's, and that was "atrocious." To give up was one thing, to be thus
+turned out was quite another; and it was clearly right to the moral
+sense, as well as satisfactory to the indignant temper, that Mr. Lyddell
+should oppose "to the last gasp," as the furious Lionel expressed it,
+one who espoused principles so pernicious both in politics and religion.
+One thing was certain, that nobody would ever wish again that Caroline
+had married him. Ill as Mr. Lyddell could afford the expense of a
+contested election, his blood was up, and he was determined not to yield
+an inch. Never had Marian believed she could grow so vehement about
+anything that concerned him, but now her whole soul seemed to be in his
+success. He had always been on the right side; and now that a steadily
+growing sense of religion was influencing all his actions, he was just
+the fit person for his position, and Marian could, on principle, wish
+earnestly to see him retain it, for his own sake, as well as to keep out
+Mr. Faulkner. But, alas! poor Marian, that the ministers should have
+chosen this precise time, so as just to bring the election the very week
+of Edmund's wedding!
+
+What was to be done? Mrs. Lyddell could not believe that an election
+would go on right without dinner-parties of every visitable individual
+in the county; and how was Clara to manage them all? Mrs. Lyddell's only
+experiment, in coming into the room when there was company, had done her
+so much harm, that it was not on any account to be repeated; and her
+restlessness and anxiety,--her persuasion that nothing could be done
+well in which she was not concerned,--made the keeping her quiet a more
+anxious business than even the receiving company. There was Mr. Lyddell
+wanting to have lists written, and needing all sorts of small helps to
+which he had been used from his active wife; everything came on the two
+girls, and Marian did not see how she could be spared even for the three
+days it would take to go to the wedding.
+
+Perhaps that excitement about the election would have somewhat dulled
+the acuteness of the sacrifice, if it had not been for what was to come
+after it. The die must be cast without consultation with Edmund; she
+must write and tell them that their kind design for her was in vain.
+
+Gerald was at Oakworthy for the first week of his holidays, and he was
+the only person she could call to hold council with her. She had some
+difficulty in catching him; for he was galloping about with messages
+all day, figuring to himself that he produced a grand effect in the
+canvass,--making caricatures, describing them to Lionel, and conducting
+him wherever he was not expected to be seen. However, catch him she did,
+at bed-time, and pulling him into her room, propounded her difficulty.
+
+"Gerald, I don't see how I am ever to manage to go with you to their
+wedding."
+
+Ha? don't you? Well, it would be a pity to lose the nomination-day, and
+the show of hands; I should travel all night to be in time, but you
+could not, I suppose?"
+
+"I? why you don't think I should go to it?"
+
+"Lionel will--I am to take care of Lionel. Can't you go? What a bore it
+must be to be a woman! Well, then, why don't you come to the wedding?"
+
+"Because I think Clara will get into such a fuss, if there is no one to
+help her at the dinner the evening before. There is Mrs. Pringle coming
+to dine and sleep, so it can't be only a gentleman's party: and there is
+so much to do."
+
+"Whew! it will be very stupid of you not to come; and how Agnes will
+scold! But I suppose yen can't be everywhere. One would give up
+something for the sake of beating such a rogue as that Faulkner."
+
+"If we were but sure of doing it."
+
+"Sure! Why we shall smash him to shivers, if one fortieth part of the
+people are but as good as their word. Did I tell you, Marian, how I
+answered that old farmer to-day?" &c., &c., all which Marian had to
+hear, before she could get him back to the matter in hand.
+
+"I am almost sorry to give up those three days," he said, "though it is
+for their wedding; but you see, Marian," and the boy spoke with his air
+of consequence, "I think it is expected of me, and they would all be
+disappointed. It would not look as if it was well between Edmund and mo,
+if I was not present; but you can please yourself, you know."
+
+"Yes, yes, you could not stay away," said Marian; "I should be very
+sorry that you should. You must go."
+
+"And if I come away that afternoon, I may be back by the mail train by
+one at night, and be in time for the show of hands. Hurrah! I've a'mind
+to write to Jemmy, to buy up all the rotten eggs in Fern Torr."
+
+"You wild animal! But do be sensible a little while, Gerald, for I have
+something serious to ask your advice upon."
+
+"Well,"--and all the wisdom of sixteen was at her service.
+
+"I want to know what you think about my living here, or at Fern Torr?"
+
+"Hollo! why I thought it was settled long ago that you were to live at
+the Quarry with them."
+
+"So it was; but I don't know whether I am not more wanted here than
+there."
+
+"You don't mean that that have changed their mind, and don't want to
+have you?"
+
+"Not a bit--O dear, no! but I think, somehow, Clara and Lionel find me
+of more use than they would."
+
+"To be sure, this place would be in a pretty tolerable sort of a mess
+without you. I don't know how any of them would get on."
+
+"Well, then, I wanted your opinion, Gerald; I had better tell Edmund and
+Agnes that I ought to stay on here."
+
+"But what am I to do? I mean to be at Fern Torr in the holidays, I
+assure you, except a week or two, just to see Lionel; and I don't mean
+to have my holidays without you, I declare!"
+
+"O, I hope always to come home for them."
+
+"Why, then, if I have you when I am at home, I don't care,--I mean--"
+said Gerald, conscious of the egotism he was committing, "I mean you
+don't like it half so well, do you?"
+
+"O no--I mean--I don't know--"
+
+"Which do you mean?"
+
+"I don't know--at least, of course, I had rather be with Edmund and
+Agnes than anybody else, except you; but then, if I was thinking Lionel
+had no one to read to him, or to ride with, or that Mrs. Lyddell was
+worse, and Clara unhappy, I could hardly enjoy it."
+
+"You would not think so much about it if you were away from them."
+
+"Perhaps not, but it would be the same, and it would haunt me at night."
+
+"But, Marian, you can't give up Edmund and Agnes now they have built a
+room for you."
+
+"I must have it when I come for your holidays."
+
+"Well, you must do as you please," said Gerald.
+
+"And you won't be vexed?"
+
+"Vexed! Why should I? It is nothing to me, if I have you when I am at
+home; and, indeed, I don't see what poor Lionel would do without you. I
+suppose it is the best way, since you like it; only you must settle it
+with Agnes your own way. I shall tell her it is not my fault. Won't she
+be in a rage, that's all!"
+
+With which sentence Sir Gerald's acquiescence was conveyed, with little
+perception of the struggle in his sister's mind, and of the pain and
+grief it was to her to write to her cousin and friend, begging them to
+release her from her promise.
+
+As to the rest of the house, they never appeared to think at all about
+her quitting them; or if Clara and Lionel did, perchance, remember that
+it had been spoken of, they hoped it had blown over, and dreaded the
+revival of the idea too much to refer to it. Not one of the whole family
+guessed that to them was sacrificed the most treasured project of
+Marian's life.
+
+She had made up her mind, but she could not bear to write to tell her
+friend that her plans were frustrated; so it was to Edmund that she
+wrote the full detail of her reasons and regrets, begging him to forgive
+her, and to make her peace with Agnes; while she begged Mrs. Wortley to
+excuse her for missing the wedding.
+
+Edmund's answer was just what she wished, and indeed expected. "You are
+right," he said, "and it is of no use to tell you how sorry we are. It
+is impossible to be so selfish as to wish you to act otherwise, and in
+process of time you may perhaps obtain Agnes' pardon: in the mean time
+we never walk to the Quarry, without her abusing you for giving so much
+trouble for nothing. I would only advise one thing, namely, that you
+make no promise nor engagement respecting your place of residence, since
+circumstances may alter; and you had better not feel yourself bound.
+With this proviso we resign you to your own judgment, and to the place
+where you seem indeed at present to be most wanted."
+
+So wrote Edmund: Agnes did not write at all. Marian announced that she
+had given up going to the wedding. Clara was sorry she should miss it,
+but could not guess how she should have managed without her; and no
+one else had leisure to think at all, or else considered it quite as a
+matter of course that site should not go away when she was wanted.
+
+If any one had, seven years, or even one year ago, told Marian how she
+would spend that bridal day, her incredulity would have been complete.
+So absorbed was she in Mr. Lyddell's election affairs that she hardly
+had time to think about it, between hopes and alarms, doubts and
+intelligence, visitors and preparations, notes to be written and papers
+to be found, Clara to be helped, Mrs. Lyddell to be kept quiet, Lionel's
+news to hear, the dinner party to be entertained. Very differently had
+Marian now learnt to sit in company from former days. She had a motive
+now, in the wish to help Clara, and all her distant coldness had melted
+into a quiet, kind, obliging manner, which had taught her to take
+genuine interest even in common-place people, and caused it to be said
+that Miss Arundel had ceased to be shy and haughty. It was all one
+whirl, leaving no time for sitting down, and still less for musing.
+Lionel went indeed with his father to the committee-room, and was there
+half the day; for his services were wonderful, and particularly his
+memory for names and places, to which Mr. Lyddell declared he would
+rather trust than to any memorandum. He was thus out of Marian's way all
+the morning, but there was enough to occupy her without him, and in the
+afternoon he came home, full of news, and especially full of glory, in
+a conquest of his own, a doubtful voter, whom he had recollected, and
+undertaken to secure, had made the servant drive him round that way,
+canvassed on his own account, and obtained a promise, extracted as
+Marian suspected, by admiration of the blind young gentleman's high
+spirit and independence.
+
+Mr. Lyddell was particularly delighted; when became home very late, just
+before the eight o'clock dinner, he came up into his wife's room, and
+told her the whole story, told Marian all over again on the stairs, and
+told it a third time to some of the dinner guests, before Lionel came
+down. Marian saw he valued that vote above all the rest.
+
+Busy as the day had been, Marian was resolved to sit up till her
+brother's return at two o'clock in the morning, to hear his tidings, and
+she expected to enjoy the space for thinking; but the thoughts would
+not be settled, and instead of dwelling on Edmund and Agnes, she found
+herself continually going back to the voters' list, and counting up the
+forces on each side. Then she grew sleepy, and fell into a long musing
+dream of shapeless fancies, woke herself, tried to write to Agnes, and
+went off into her former vision of felicity in the house at the Quarry,
+which she indulged in, forgetting that she had renounced it. At last
+came the sounds of a carriage, and of opening doors. She met Gerald on
+the stairs, but he was sleepy and would say little. "It had all gone off
+very well--yes--nobody cried--he had a bit of wedding-cake for her, and
+here was a note, she should hear all about it another time;"--yawn, and
+he shut himself into his own room. That was all Marian obtained by her
+vigil. You, there was the note, put in with the wedding cards.
+
+  "MY DEAR MARIAN,--I can't relieve my mind by scolding
+  you, and I don't know what else you have a right to
+  expect after the way you have treated us. They tell me I
+  must write, and I have not a word to say, though I always
+  promised you should have the first letter from
+
+  "Your affectionate cousin,
+
+  "AGNES ARUNDEL."
+
+Wild as ever, thought Marian, as a little disappointed, she laid down
+the note, but she understood how Agnes had felt obliged to write, in
+hurry and agitation, and just because she felt deeply, had been unable
+to express herself otherwise than what some people would call foolishly
+and unsuitably.
+
+There was not much more of the wedding to be heard from Gerald the next
+morning, for he was full of the nomination, and proud of having Lionel
+under his especial charge.
+
+This day was as wild a bustle as the former one, and there was still
+more excitement in the evening. Of course the show of hands had been in
+favour of Mr. Faulkner, of course he and his proposer and seconder had
+behaved one only more disgracefully than the other, of course the rabble
+bad behaved shamefully, and the boys were almost beside themselves with
+wrath; and besides the details of all these matters-of-course, the boys
+had adventures of their own, for somehow Gerald and Lionel had been left
+in the midst of a vituperative mob, out of which Gerald had brought off
+his companion in a most spirited and successful way, without letting
+any one discover Lionel's blindness, which would have been the most
+efficient protection for both. Again and again Marian was told of the
+gallant way in which both boys had conducted themselves, and proud and
+pleased was she.
+
+Mr. Lyddell lost his seat, and the boys were half mad, a hundred times
+more concerned than he was himself, while Marian moralized to herself
+on why it was allowed to happen that he should be set aside from public
+life, just when he would have begun to act on truly sound principles.
+And yet perhaps the leisure he thus obtained, and the seclusion from the
+whirl of politics were the very things he needed, to draw him entirely
+apart from the world which had so long engrossed him.
+
+It was about sis weeks after this that Mr. and Mrs. Edmund Arundel, in
+acceptance of a warm invitation from Mr. Lyddell, were driving along
+the white road leading to Oakworthy, after a very pleasant visit to the
+Marchmonts, when Selina had treated Agnes so affectionately, as to cause
+her to forget all past neglect, and had, as Edmund said, scaled their
+friendship, by raving at Marian's decision, "It was too bad," said she,
+"when they had given up London,--the only thing that made it tolerable."
+
+To which, however, Agnes did not quite agree.
+
+"And now," said she, "I shall see whether Marian is happy."
+
+"I don't believe you wish her to be so," said Edmund.
+
+"No, I am not quite so spiteful," rejoined Agnes, "but in order to
+forgive her, I must think it a very great sacrifice."
+
+"And have a marvellously high estimate of our two selves," said Edmund.
+
+"What do I see?" said Agnes. "Look at those two people riding on the
+down up there against the sky, don't you see their figures? It is a
+lady. Gould it be Marian? No, she is riding so close to the other--he
+can't be a servant."
+
+"Lionel, I suspect," said Edmund.
+
+"The poor blind boy! O surely she does not ride alone with him! O what a
+pretty cantering on the turf. It is really Marian, I see now. How I do
+like to see her ride."
+
+A moment or two more, and descending from the high green slope, the two
+riders were on the road meeting the carriage. Marian looked her best
+on horseback, with her excellent seat, and easy, fearless manner, her
+little hat and feathers became her fine features, and the air and
+exercise gave them animation, which made her more like a picture of
+Velasquez and less like a Grecian statue than she was at any other time.
+Lionel rode almost close to her, a bright glow of sunshine on his lively
+face, and a dexterity and quickness in his whole air that made Agnes
+hesitate for a second or two, whether he could really be the blind
+youth. A joyous "How d'ye do?" was called out on each side. "Well,
+Lionel," then said Edmund, "are you quite well?"
+
+"O yes, thank you," replied a gay voice, "we thought we would see if we
+could not meet you."
+
+"We rode over the down," said Marian, "and we are going back the same
+way. We shall be at home as soon as you are. Good-bye. To the right,
+Lionel."
+
+And they were seen trotting up the hill again, then as the carriage came
+in sight of the front door, there was Lionel jumping Marian down from
+her saddle. Agnes did not know how to believe that he could not see, as
+she watched his upright bearing, and rapid, fearless step, so unlike the
+groping ways of persons who have lost their sight later in life.
+
+Clara presently came down, and Agnes was struck with her more thoughtful
+face, and collected manner, so unlike the giddy child she had last seen,
+not intellectual indeed, but quiet, lady-like, and sensible. And as to
+Mr. Lyddell, he looked so worn and so much older, so subdued in manner,
+and so free from those over civilities of former times, that Agnes made
+up her mind that he must not be hated.
+
+Of Mrs. Lyddell she saw very little, only sitting in her room for an
+hour each morning, as a visitor, but it was evident she was very much
+out of health, and a great charge to them all. Agnes could be sorry for
+her, but could not like her while she did not speak more cordially of
+Marian. All praise of her had something forced and against the grain,
+and Agnes thought her intensely ungrateful.
+
+Lionel interested Agnes extremely, with his happy, independent ways,
+unrepining temper and spirit of enterprise. He was always eager about
+some contrivance of his own, and just at this time it was wood-carving.
+His left hand showed as much sticking-plaster as skin, and he used to
+come into the drawing-room with it wrapped up in his handkerchief and
+say, "Here's another, Marian," when Marian very quietly produced her
+sticking-plaster, as if it was quite an ordinary matter; nay, would
+not follow up the suggestion that he should not have so sharp a knife,
+saying that it was much better to cut one's finger with a sharp knife
+than a blunt one. He had cut about twenty bits of wood to waste, to say
+nothing of hands, but he persevered with amusing energy, and before the
+end of the visit had achieved a capital old man's head for the top of a
+walking stick, which he presented to Edmund. He promised Agnes a set of
+silk winders, and in the mean time made great friends with her, getting
+her to tell him about her brother's sporting adventures, and in return
+making himself very amusing with relations out of his sailor brother's
+letters. Johnny had been concerned in the great exploit of climbing the
+Peter Bottle mountain, and Lionel was as proud of it as if he had done
+it himself, making Marian show everybody a drawing which Gerald had made
+of the appearance that Johnny must have cut, standing on one leg on the
+highest stone. They were also struck with the change in the manner in
+which Walter was regarded, and the pride and affection with which all
+the family spoke of his doings at his curacy.
+
+But that Marian, though not prominent, and apparently merely a guest,
+was necessary to the comfort of each member of the family, was a thing
+that at the end of a fortnight, Agnes could not deny. Nor could she
+attempt to make up a case to show that she and her husband were equally
+in want of her.
+
+"So, Marian," said she, as they parted, "I forgive you on condition of
+your spending Christmas with us."
+
+"And I ought to forgive you," said Edmund, "in consideration of the
+fulfilment of my prediction that you would not be able to leave the
+Lyddells when I was ready to receive you."
+
+Marian smiled, and watched them from the door. As they lost sight of
+the house, Edmund turned to his wife, saying, "How little we are fit to
+order events! Here, Agnes, I looked back at this house six years ago
+in a sort of despair. I was ready to reproach Providence, to reproach
+everything. I thought I saw my uncle's children in the way to be ruined,
+all his work undone, and there was I, unable to act, and yet with the
+responsibility of the care of them. I tell you, Agnes, I never was so
+wretched in my life. And yet what short-sightedness! There has Marian
+been, placed, like a witness of the truth, calm, firm, constant,
+guarding herself and her brother first, and then softening, and winning
+all that came under her influence."
+
+"Oh! but, Edmund, your coming home saved Gerald," said the wife, who
+could not see her husband's credit given away even to Marian.
+
+"I brought the experience and authority that she could not have, but
+vain would have been my attempts without the sense of right she had
+always kept up in his mind. Trouble has done much for those Lyddells,
+but I don't believe that without her, it would have had that effect:
+When I remember what Mr. Lyddell was, his carelessness, the painful
+manner in which he used to talk; when I see him now, when I think of
+what that poor Caroline was saved from, when I see the alteration in
+Clara, and watch that blind boy, then I see indeed that our little
+Marian, whom we thought thrown away and spoilt, was sent there to be
+a blessing. If she had been naturally a winning, gentle, persuasive
+person, I should have thought less of the wonder; but in her it is
+the simple force of goodness, undecorated. I once feared the constant
+opposition in which she lived, would harden her, but instead, she has
+softened, sweetened, and lost all that was hard and haughty in her ways,
+when it was no longer needed for a protection. Selina Marchmont has
+failed too in giving her the exclusive spirit which I once feared
+for her. It is as if she had a spell for passing through the world
+unscathed."
+
+"And you think she is happy?"
+
+"As happy as those that never look for their happiness in this world."
+
+Agnes sighed. "My vision has always been," said she, "to see Marian as
+happy as--ourselves."
+
+"She may be yet," said Edmund smiling, "but she has the best sort of
+happiness. She is in less danger of clinging to this world than we are.
+And somehow she gives me the impression of one too high and noble to
+seek her happiness in the way in which most people look for it. Yes,
+we ourselves, Agnes, we have a nest and home in this world; she stands
+above it, and her only relation with it is to make others happy."
+
+"She little thinks how we talk of her," said Agnes. "And still stranger
+it is, that with the reverence I have for her, I can play with her and
+scold her."
+
+A silence; ending with Agnes repeating,
+
+  "GOOD LORD, through this world's troubled way
+  Thy children's course secure;
+  And lead them onward day by day,
+  Kindly like Thee and pure.
+
+  "Be theirs to do Thy work of love,
+  All erring souls to win;
+  Amid a sinful world to move,
+  Yet give no smile to sin."
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The Two Guardians, by Charlotte Mary Yonge
+
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Two Guardians, by Charlotte Mary Yonge
+
+Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the
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+Title: The Two Guardians
+
+Author: Charlotte Mary Yonge
+
+Release Date: February, 2006  [EBook #9926]
+[This file was first posted on October 31, 2003]
+
+Edition: 10
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: US-ASCII
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE TWO GUARDIANS ***
+
+
+
+
+E-text prepared by Michigan University, Joshua Hutchinson, and the Project
+Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE TWO GUARDIANS
+
+or, HOME IN THIS WORLD
+
+by CHARLOTTE MARY YONGE
+
+THE AUTHOR OF "THE HEIR OF REDCLYFFE," "HENRIETTA'S WISH," "KENNETH,"
+"HEARTSEASE," "THE CASTLE BUILDERS," ETC.
+
+1871
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "Stay here, Marian! I don't care if all the world heard
+me."]
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+
+In putting forth another work, the Author is anxious to say a few words
+on the design of these stories; not with a view to obviate criticism,
+but in hopes of pointing to the moral, which has been thought not
+sufficiently evident, perhaps because it has been desired to convey,
+rather than directly inculcate it.
+
+Throughout these tales the plan has been to present a picture of
+ordinary life, with its small daily events, its pleasures, and its
+trials, so as to draw out its capabilities of being turned to the best
+account. Great events, such as befall only a few, are thus excluded,
+and in the hope of helping to present a clue, by example, to the
+perplexities of daily life, the incidents, which render a story
+exciting, have been sacrificed, and the attempt has been to make the
+interest of the books depend on character painting.
+
+Each has been written with the wish to illustrate some principle which
+may be called the key note. "Abbeychurch" is intended to show the need
+of self-control and the evil of conceit in different manifestations;
+according to the various characters, "Scenes and Characters" was meant
+to exemplify the effects of being guided by mere feeling, set in
+contrast with strict adherence to duty. In "Henrietta's Wish" the
+opposition is between wilfulness and submission--filial submission as
+required, in the young people, and that of which it is a commencement as
+well as a type, as instanced in Mrs. Frederick Langford. The design of
+the "Castle Builders" is to show the instability and dissatisfaction of
+mind occasioned by the want of a practical, obedient course of daily
+life; with an especial view to the consequences of not seeking strength
+and assistance in the appointed means of grace.
+
+And as the very opposite to Emmeline's feeble character, the heroine
+of the present story is intended to set forth the manner in which a
+Christian may contend with and conquer this world, living in it but not
+of it, and rendering it a means of self-renunciation. It is therefore
+purposely that the end presents no great event, and leaves Marian
+unrecompensed save by the effects her consistent well doing has
+produced on her companions. Any other compensation would render her
+self-sacrifice incomplete, and make her no longer invisibly above the
+world.
+
+_October 14th_, 1852.
+
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+  "With fearless pride I say
+  That she is healthful, fleet, and strong
+  And down the rocks will leap along,
+  Like rivulets in May."
+
+  WORDSWORTH.
+
+
+Along a beautiful Devonshire lane, with banks of rock overhung by tall
+bowery hedges, rode a lively and merry pair, now laughing and talking,
+now summoning by call or whistle the spaniel that ran by their side, or
+careered through the fields within the hedge.
+
+The younger was a maiden of about twelve years old, in a long black and
+white plaid riding-skirt, over a pink gingham frock, and her dark hair
+hidden beneath a little cap furnished with a long green veil, which
+was allowed to stream behind her in the wind, instead of affording the
+intended shelter to a complexion already a shade or two darkened by the
+summer sun, but with little colour in the cheeks; and what there was,
+only the pale pink glow like a wild rose, called up for the moment
+by warmth and exercise, and soon to pass away. Still there was no
+appearance of want of health; the skin was of a clear, soft, fresh shade
+of brown; the large dark eyes, in spite of all their depth of melancholy
+softness, had the wild, untamed animation of a mountaineer; the face and
+form were full of free life and vigour, as she sat erect and perfectly
+at ease on her spirited little bay pony, which at times seemed so lively
+that it might have been matter of surprise to a stranger that so young a
+horsewoman should be trusted on its back.
+
+Her companion was a youth some ten or eleven years her senior,
+possessing a handsome set of regular features, with a good deal of
+family likeness to hers; dark eyes and hair, and a figure which, though
+slight, was rather too tall to look suitable to the small, stout, strong
+pony which carried him and his numerous equipments, consisting of a long
+rod-case, a fishing-basket and landing-net, in accordance with the lines
+of artificial flies wreathed round his straw hat, and the various oddly
+contrived pockets of his grey shooting-coat.
+
+In the distance at the end of the lane there appeared two walking
+figures. "Mrs. Wortley!" exclaimed the young lady.
+
+"No, surely not out so soon!" was the answer. "She is in the depth of
+lessons."
+
+"No, but Edmund, it is, look, and Agnes too! There, Ranger has better
+eyes than you; he is racing to them."
+
+"Well, I acknowledge my mistake," said Edmund, drawing up his rein as
+they came upon the pair,--a pleasing lady, and a pretty blue-eyed girl
+of fourteen. "I did not believe my eyes, Mrs. Wortley, though Marian
+tried to persuade me. I thought you were always reading Italian at this
+time in the morning, Agnes".
+
+"And I thought you were reading Phaedrus with Gerald," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"Ay," said Agnes, "we did not know what to make of you coming up the
+lane; you with your lance there, like the Red Cross Knight himself, and
+Marian with her palfry for Una."
+
+"The knight must have borrowed the dwarf's ass," said Edmund, laughing,
+and putting his lance in rest.
+
+"And where have you been, then, at this portentous time of day, Agnes?"
+asked Marian.
+
+"We heard a report of Betty Lapthorn's child having another fit," said
+Agnes, "and set off to see; but it turned out to be a false alarm. And
+now we are going up to the Manor House to ask Lady Arundel if she has
+any arrowroot for it, for ours is all used up."
+
+"Shall we find her at leisure?" added Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"Yes," said Marian. "Gerald has finished his lessons by this time.
+Mamma thought it would be too far for him to go with us, and besides he
+frightens the fish."
+
+"Which you are in too good training to do, Marian," said Mrs. Wortley.
+"And how is your papa to-day?"
+
+"Oh, it is a good day," said Marian: "he was up before we set off."
+
+"Down stairs? For perhaps we had better not go now, just after he is
+tired with coming down," said Mrs. Wortley. "Now, Mr. Arundel, you will
+tell me honestly, and this arrowroot will do just as well another time;
+or if Marian will carry home the message--"
+
+"Well," said Edmund, smiling, "to give you a proof of my sincerity, I
+think you had better perhaps go rather later in the day. My uncle very
+unnecessarily hurried himself, thinking that he was keeping me waiting
+to help him down stairs, and I thought he seemed rather tired; but he
+will be very glad to see you in the afternoon. Indeed, he would be very
+glad now, only you asked me as a question of prudence."
+
+"Don't make civil speeches at the end to spoil just such a reply as I
+wanted," said Mrs. Wortley. "I am afraid you do not think Sir Edmund
+much better since you were last at home."
+
+Edmund shook his head. "If he has not lost ground, it is well," said he,
+"and I think at least there is less pain."
+
+"Well, I will not keep you any longer," said Mrs. Wortley; "good-bye,
+and good sport to you."
+
+And with a wave of the hand on rode the two cousins, Edmund and Marian
+Arundel.
+
+"What an excellent thing it is for the village that those Wortleys are
+come!" said Edmund.
+
+"Yes; now that mamma cannot attend much to the school and poor people, I
+don't know what we should do without them. How different it was in old
+Mr. May's time! I hope we shall get the Church set to rights now, when
+papa is well enough to attend to it."
+
+"It is high time, certainly," said Edmund; "our Church is almost a
+disgrace to us, especially with the Arundel aisle, to show what our
+ancestors did."
+
+"No, not quite to us," said Marian; "you know papa would have done it
+all long ago, if the idea had not vexed poor old Mr. May so much. But
+Ranger! Ranger! where is Ranger, Edmund?"
+
+Edmund whistled, and presently, with whirring, rushing wing, there flew
+over the hedge beside them a covey of partridges, followed by Ranger's
+eager bark. Marian's pony started, danced, and capered; Edmund watched
+her with considerable anxiety, but she reined it in with a steady,
+dexterous, though not a strong hand, kept her seat well, and rode on in
+triumph, while Edmund exclaimed, "Capital, Marian!" Then looking back,
+"What a shot that was!" he added in a sort of parenthesis, continuing,
+"I am proud, Mayflower is not a bit too much for you now, though I think
+we must have given her up if you had had another tumble."
+
+"Oh, no, no, I do so delight in Mayflower, pretty creature!" said
+Marian, patting her neck. "I like to feel that the creature I ride is
+alive--not an old slug, like that animal which you are upon, Edmund."
+
+"That is decidedly ungrateful of you, Marian, when you learnt to ride
+upon this identical slug, and owe the safety of your neck to its quiet
+propensities. Now take care down this stony hill; hold her up well--that
+is right."
+
+Care was certainly needed as they descended the steep hill side; the
+road, or rather pathway, cut out between high, steep, limestone rocks,
+and here and there even bare of earth. Any one but a native would have
+trembled at such a descent but though the cousins paid attention to
+their progress, they had no doubts or alarms. At the bottom a clear
+sparkling stream traversed the road, where, for the convenience of foot
+passengers, a huge flat stone had been thrown across from one high bank
+to the other, so as to form a romantic bridge. Marian, however, did not
+avail herself of it, but rode gallantly through the shallow water, only
+looking back at it to observe to Edmund, "We must make a sketch of that
+some day or other."
+
+"I am afraid we cannot get far enough off," said Edmund, "to make a good
+drawing of it. Too many things go to the making of the picturesque."
+
+"Yes, I know, but that is what I never can understand. I see by woeful
+experience that what is pretty in itself will not make a pretty drawing,
+and everyone says so; but I never could find out why."
+
+"Perhaps because we cannot represent it adequately."
+
+"Yes, but there is another puzzle; you sometimes see an exact
+representation, which is not really a picture at all. Don't you know
+that thing that the man who came to the door did of our house,--the
+trees all green, and the sky all blue, and the moors all purple?"
+
+"As like as it can stare; yes, I know."
+
+"Well, why does that not satisfy us? why is it not a picture?"
+
+"Because it stares, I suppose. Why does not that picture of my aunt
+at Mrs. Week's cottage satisfy you as well as the chalk sketch in the
+dining-room?"
+
+"Because it has none of herself--her spirit."
+
+"Well, I should say that nature has a self and a spirit which must be
+caught, or else the Chinese would be the greatest artists on the face of
+the earth."
+
+"Yes, but why does an archway, or two trees standing up so as to
+enclose the landscape, or--or any of those things that do to put in the
+foreground, why do they enable you to make a picture, to catch this self
+and spirit."
+
+"Make the phial to enclose the genie," said Edmund. "Abstruse questions,
+Marian; but perhaps it is because they contract the space, so as to
+bring it more to the level of our capacity, make it less grand, and more
+what we can get into keeping. To be sure, he would be a presumptuous man
+who tried to make an exact likeness of that," he added, as they reached
+the top of the hill, and found themselves on an open common, with here
+and there a mass of rock peeping up, but for the most part covered with
+purple heath and short furze, through which Ranger coursed, barking
+joyously. The view was splendid, on one side the moors rising one
+behind the other, till they faded in grey distance, each crowned with
+a fantastic pile of rocks, one in the form of a castle, another of
+a cathedral, another of a huge crouching lion, all known to the two
+cousins by name, and owned as familiar friends. On the other side,
+between two hills, each surmounted by its own rocky crest, lay nestled
+in woods the grey Church tower and cottages of the village of Fern Torr;
+and far away stretched the rich landscape of field, wood, and pasture,
+ending at length in the blue line of horizon, where sky and sea seemed
+to join.
+
+"Beautiful! how clear!" was all Marian's exclamation, though she drew
+up her horse and gazed with eager eyes, and a deep feeling of the
+loveliness of the scene, but with scarcely a remark. There was something
+in the sight which made her heart too full for words.
+
+After a time of delighted contemplation, Ranger was summoned from a
+close investigation of a rabbit-hole, and turning into a cart track,
+the cousins rode down the side of the hill, where presently appeared
+an orchard full of gnarled old apple trees, covered with fruit of all
+shades of red, yellow, and green. A little further on were the large
+stone barns, and picturesque looking house, which enclosed a farm-yard
+strewn with heaps of straw, in which pigs, poultry, and red cows were
+enjoying themselves. The gate was opened by a wild-looking cow-boy, who
+very respectfully touched his cap; and at the house door appeared a nice
+elderly looking old fashioned farmer's wife, who came forward to meet
+them with bright looks of cordiality, and kindly greetings to Master
+Edmund and Miss Marian.
+
+"Thank you, thank you, Mrs. Cornthwayte," said Edmund, as he held
+Marian's pony; "we are come to ask if you will give our ponies stable
+room for a couple of hours, while we go fishing up the river."
+
+"O yes, certainly, sir, but won't you come in a little while and rest?
+it is a long walk for Miss Marian."
+
+They did comply with her invitation so far as to enter the large clean
+kitchen; the kitchen for show, that is to say, with the sanded floor,
+the bunch of evergreens in the covered kitchen-range, the dark old
+fashioned clock, the bright range of crockery, and well polished oaken
+table; and there, while Marian laid aside her riding-skirt, the good
+woman commenced her anxious inquiries for Sir Edmund.
+
+"Pretty much the same as usual, thank you," said Edmund.
+
+"No better, then, sir? Ah! I was afraid how it was; it is so long since
+I have seen him at church, and he used to come sometimes last summer:
+and my husband said when he saw him last week about the rent, he was so
+fallen away that he would hardly have known him."
+
+"It has been a very long illness," said Edmund.
+
+"Yes, sir; I do wish we could see him about among us again, speaking as
+cheerful as he used."
+
+"Why he is very cheerful now, Mrs. Cornthwayte," said Edmund. "No one
+who only heard him talk would guess how much he has to suffer."
+
+Mrs. Cornthwayte shook her head with a sort of gesture of compassionate
+admiration, and presently added,
+
+"But do you think he gets better on the whole, Master Edmund? Do the
+doctors say there is much likelihood of his being well again, and coming
+among us?"
+
+Edmund looked down and did not reply very readily. "I am afraid we must
+not hope for that; we must be satisfied as long as he does not lose
+ground, and I certainly think he has had less pain of late."
+
+A little more conversation passed between Edmund and the good wife, and
+a few words from Marian; after which they set off across one or two
+fields towards the place of their destination, Marian carrying her
+little sketching-basket in silence for some distance, until she suddenly
+exclaimed, "Edmund, is papa really getting worse?"
+
+"Why should you think so, Marian?"
+
+"I don't know, only from what you say when people inquire after him; and
+sometimes when I come to think about it, I believe he can do less than
+last year. He gets up later, and does not go out so often, and now you
+say he will never get quite well, and I always thought he would."
+
+"No, I am afraid there is no likelihood of that, Marian: the doctors say
+he may be much better, but never quite well."
+
+"But do you think he is better?"
+
+"He has had less suffering of late, certainly, and so far we must be
+thankful; but, as you say, Marian, I am afraid he is weaker than last
+time I was at home, and I thought him much altered when I came. Still I
+do not think him materially worse, and I believe I might have thought
+him improved, if I had been here all the winter."
+
+Marian became silent again, for her disposition was not to express her
+feelings readily, and besides, she was young enough to be able to put
+aside anxiety which, perhaps, she did not fully comprehend. It was the
+ordinary state of things for her father to be unwell, and his illness
+scarcely weighed upon her spirits, especially on a holiday and day of
+pleasure like the present; for though she often shared Edmund's walks
+and rides, a long expedition like this was an unusual treat.
+
+After traversing several fields, they entered a winding path through a
+copse, which, descending a steep hill side, conducted them at length to
+the verge of a clear stream, which danced over or round the numerous
+rocks which obstructed its passage, making a pleasant, rippling sound.
+Here and there under the overhanging trees were deep quiet pools, where
+the water, of clear transparent brown color, contained numbers of little
+trout, the object of Edmund's pursuit. But more frequently the water
+splashed, dashed, and brawled along its rocky way, at the bottom of
+the narrow wooded ravine in which the valley ended. It was indeed a
+beautiful scene, with the sun glancing on the green of the trees and
+the bright sparkling water; and Marian could scarcely restrain her
+exclamations of delight, out of consideration for the silence required
+by her cousin's sport. She helped him to put his rod together, and
+arrange his reel, with the dexterity of one who well understood the
+matter; and then sat down under a fern-covered rock with a book in her
+hand, whilst he commenced his fishing. As he slowly proceeded up the
+stream, she changed her place so as to follow him at a distance; now and
+then making expeditions into the wood at the side of the hill to study
+some remarkable rock, some tree of peculiar form, or to gather a
+handsome fern-leaf, or nodding fox-glove with its purple bells. Or the
+little sketch-book came out, and she caught the form of the rock with a
+few strokes of bold outline and firm shading, with more power over her
+soft pencil than is usual at her age, though her foliage was not of the
+most perfect description. Her own occupations did not, however, prevent
+her from observing all her cousin's proceedings; she knew whenever he
+captured a trout, she was at hand to offer help when his hook, was
+caught in a bramble, and took full and complete interest in the sport.
+
+At last, after a successful fishing up the glen, they arrived at a place
+where the ravine was suddenly closed in by a perpendicular rock of
+about twenty feet in height, down which the water fell with its full
+proportion of foam and spray, forming a cascade which Marian thought
+"magnificent,"--Edmund, "very pretty."
+
+"Edmund, I am afraid the Lake country has spoilt you for Devonshire. I
+wish they had never sent your regiment to the north!"
+
+"That would not prevent the falls in Westmoreland from being twice the
+height of this."
+
+"It would prevent you from saying that here it is not as beautiful as
+any thing can be."
+
+"And nothing short of that will satisfy you. You had better stand in a
+narrow pass, and challenge every passer-by to battle in defence of the
+beauty of Fern Torr."
+
+"I don't care about every body; but you, Edmund, ought to be more
+dutiful to your own home."
+
+"You are exclusive, Marian; but come," and he stuck his rod into the
+ground, "let us have some of your sandwiches."
+
+"Not till you confess that you like Fern Torr better than all the fine
+places that you ever saw."
+
+"Liking with all one's heart is one thing, admiring above all others is
+another, as you will find when you have seen more of the world, Marian."
+
+"I am sure I shall never think so."
+
+While this contest was going on, Marian had unpacked some sandwiches and
+biscuits, and they sat down to eat them with the appetite due to such
+a walk. Then came a conversation, in which Marian submitted to hear
+something of the beauties of the Lakes, in the shape of a comment on the
+"Bridal of Triermain," which she had brought with her; next an attempt
+at sketching the cascade, in which Edmund was successful enough to make
+Marian much discontented with her own performance, and declare that she
+was tired of sitting still, and had a great mind to try to climb up the
+rocks by the side of the fall. She was light, active, and well able to
+scramble, and with a little help here and there from her cousin's strong
+hand, the top was merrily gained; and springing along from rock to rock,
+they traced the windings of the stream even to the end of the copse and
+the opening of the moor. It was a great achievement for Marian, for even
+Edmund had only once been this way before when out shooting. She would
+fain have mounted to the top of a peak which bounded her view, but being
+assured that she would only find Alps on Alps arise, she submitted to
+Edmund's judgment, and consented to retrace her steps, through wood and
+wild, to Mrs. Cornthwayte's, where they found a feast prepared for
+them of saffron buns, Devonshire cream, and cyder. Then mounting their
+steeds, and releasing Ranger from durance in the stable, they rode
+homewards for about three miles, when they entered the village in the
+valley at the foot of the steep rocky hill, from which it was named Fern
+Torr. Excepting the bare rugged summit, this hill was well covered with
+wood, and opposite to it rose more gently another elevation, divided
+into fields and meadows. The little old Church, with its square tower,
+and the neat vicarage beside it, were the only buildings above the rank
+of cottages, of which some twenty stood irregularly ranged in their
+gardens and orchards, along the banks of the bright little stream which
+bounded the road, at present scarcely large enough to afford swimming
+space for the numerous ducks that paddled in it; but the width of its
+stony bed, and the large span of the one-arched bridge that traversed
+it, showing what was its breadth and strength in the winter floods.
+
+A little beyond this bridge was a wicket gate, leading to a path up
+the wooded height; and Edmund at this moment seeing a boy in a stable
+jacket, asked Marian if he should not let him lead the ponies round
+by the drive, while they walked up the steps. She readily agreed, and
+Edmund helping her to dismount, they took their way up the path, which
+after a very short interval led to a steep flight of steps, cut out
+in the face of the limestone rock, and ascending through ferns,
+mountain-ash, and rhododendrons for about fifty or sixty feet, when it
+was concluded by what might be called either a broad terrace or narrow
+lawn, upon which stood a house irregularly built of the rough stone
+of the country, and covered with luxuriant myrtles and magnolias.
+Immediately behind, the ground again rose so precipitously, that
+scarcely could coign of vantage be won for the garden, on a succession
+of narrow shelves or ledges, which had a peculiarly beautiful effect,
+adorned, as they were, with gay flowers, and looking, as Edmund was wont
+to say, as gorgeous and as deficient in perspective as an old piece of
+tapestry.
+
+"There is papa out of doors," exclaimed Marian, as she emerged upon
+the lawn, and ran eagerly up to a Bath chair, in which was seated a
+gentleman whose face and form showed too certain tokens of long and
+wasting illness. He held out his hand to her, saying, "Well, Marian,
+good sport, I hope, and no more tumbles from Mayflower."
+
+"Marian sits like a heroine," said Edmund, coming up; "I am glad to see
+you out."
+
+"It is such a fine evening that I was tempted to come and see the
+magnolia that you have all been boasting of: and really it is worth
+seeing. Those white blossoms are magnificent."
+
+"But where is mamma?" asked Marian.
+
+"Carried off by Gerald, to say whether he may have a superannuated sea
+kale pot for some purpose best known to himself, in his desert island.
+They will be here again in another minute. There, thank you, Edmund,
+that is enough," he added, as his nephew drew his chair out of a streak
+of sunshine which had just come over him. "Now, how far have you been? I
+hope you have seen the cascade, Marian?"
+
+"O yes, papa, and scrambled up the side of it too. I had no idea of any
+thing so beautiful," said Marian. "The spray was so white and glancing.
+Oh! I wish I could tell you one half of the beauty of it."
+
+"I remember well the delight of the first discovery of it," said Sir
+Edmund, "when I was a mere boy, and found my way there by chance, as I
+was shooting. I came up the glen, and suddenly found myself in the midst
+of this beautiful glade, with the waterfall glancing white in the sun."
+
+"I wish we could transplant it," said Edmund; "but after all, perhaps
+its being so remote and inaccessible is one of its great charms. Ah!
+young monkey, is it you?" added he, as Gerald, a merry bright-eyed boy
+of seven years old, came rushing from behind and commenced a romping
+attack upon him. "Take care, not such a disturbance close to papa."
+
+"O mamma, we have had the most delightful day!" cried Marian, springing
+to the side of her mother, who now came forward from the kitchen garden,
+and whose fair and gentle, but careworn, anxious face, lighted up with a
+bright sweet smile, as she observed the glow on her daughter's usually
+pale cheek, and the light that danced in her dark brown eye.
+
+"I'm glad you have had such a pleasant day, my dear," said she. "It is
+very kind in Edmund to be troubled with such a wild goose."
+
+"Wild geese are very good things in their way," said Edmund; "water and
+land, precipice and moor, 'tis all the same to them."
+
+"And when will you take me, Edmund?" asked Gerald.
+
+"When you have learnt to comport yourself with as much discretion as
+Marian, master," said Edmund, sitting down on the grass, and rolling the
+kicking, struggling boy over and over, while Marian stood by her papa,
+showing him her sketches, and delighted by hearing him recognize the
+different spots. "How can you remember them so well, papa," said she,
+"when it is so very long since you saw them?"
+
+"That is the very reason," he answered, "we do not so much dwell on what
+is constantly before us as when we have long lost sight of it. To be
+confined to the house for a few years is an excellent receipt for
+appreciating nature."
+
+"Yes, because it must make you wish for it so much," said Marian sadly.
+
+"Not exactly," said her father. "You cannot guess the pleasure it has
+often given me to recall those scenes, and to hear you talk of them;
+just as your mamma likes to hear of Oakworthy."
+
+"Certainly," said Lady Arundel. "I have remembered much at poor old
+Oakworthy that I never thought of remarking at the time I was there.
+Even flaws in the glass, and cracks in the ceiling have returned upon
+me, and especially since the house has been pulled down."
+
+"I cannot think how the natives of an old house can wilfully destroy all
+their old associations, their heirloooms," said Edmund.
+
+"Sometimes they have none," said his aunt.
+
+"Ay," said Sir Edmund, "when Gerald brings home a fine wife from
+far away, see what she will say to all our dark passages and corner
+cupboards, and steps up and steps down."
+
+"Oh! I shall not be able to bear her if she does not like them," cried
+Marian.
+
+"I suppose that was the case with Mrs. Lyddell," added Sir Edmund, "that
+she discovered the deficiencies of the old house, as well as brought
+wherewith to remedy them. He does not look like a man given to change."
+
+"He has no such feeling for association as these people," said Lady
+Arundel, pointing to Edmund and Marian; "he felt his position, in the
+country raised by her fortune, and was glad to use any means of adding
+to his consequence."
+
+"I should like to see more of them. I wish we could ask them to stay
+here," said Sir Edmund, with something like a sigh. "But come, had we
+not better go in? The hungry fishers look quite ready for tea."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+  "And now I set thee down to try
+  How thou canst walk alone."
+
+  _Lyra Innocentium_.
+
+
+Scarcely eight months had passed since the last recorded conversation,
+when Marian, in a dress of deep mourning, was slowly pacing the garden
+paths, her eyes fixed on the ground, and an expression of thoughtful
+sadness on her face. Heavy indeed had been the strokes that had fallen
+upon her. Before the last summer had closed, the long sufferings of her
+father had been terminated by one of the violent attacks, which had
+often been expected to be fatal. Nor was this all that she had to mourn.
+With winter had come severe colds and coughs; Lady Arundel was seized
+with an inflammation of the chest, her constitution had been much
+enfeebled by watching, anxiety, and grief, and in a very few days her
+children were orphans.
+
+It was the day following the funeral. Mrs. Wortley was staying in the
+house, as were also the two guardians of the young Sir Gerald Arundel
+and his sister. These were Mr. Lyddell, a relation of Lady Arundel; and
+our former acquaintance, Edmund Arundel, in whom, young as he was, his
+uncle had placed full confidence. He had in fact been entirely brought
+up by Sir Edmund, and knew no other home than Fern Torr, having been
+sent thither an orphan in earliest childhood. His uncle and aunt had
+supplied the place of parents, and had been well rewarded for all they
+had done for him, by his consistent well doing and completely filial
+affection for them.
+
+Marian was startled from her musings by his voice close at hand, saying,
+"All alone, Marian?"
+
+"Gerald is with Jemmy Wortley, somewhere," she replied, "and I begged
+Mrs. Wortley and Agnes to go down the village and leave me alone. I have
+been very busy all the morning, and my head feels quite confused with
+thoughts!"
+
+"I am glad to have found you," said Edmund. "I have seen so little of
+you since I have been here."
+
+"Yes, you have been always with Mr. Lyddell. When does he go?"
+
+"To-morrow morning."
+
+"And you stay longer, I hope?"
+
+"Only till Monday; I wish it was possible to stay longer, but it is
+something to have a Sunday to spend here."
+
+"And then I am afraid it will be a long time before we see you again."
+
+"I hope not; if you are in London, it will be always easier to meet."
+
+"In London! Ah! that reminds me I wanted to ask you what I am to say to
+Selina Marchmont. I have a very kind letter from her, asking us to come
+to stay with her directly, and hoping that it may be arranged for us to
+live with them."
+
+"Ah! I have a letter from her husband to the same effect," said Edmund.
+"It really is very kind and friendly in them."
+
+"Exceedingly," said Marian. "Will you read her letter, and tell me how I
+am to answer her!"
+
+"As to the visit, that depends upon what you like to do yourself. I
+should think that you would prefer staying with the Wortleys, since they
+are so kind as to receive you."
+
+"You don't mean," exclaimed Marian, eagerly, "staying with them for
+ever!"
+
+Edmund shook his head. "No, Marian, I fear that cannot be."
+
+"Then it is as I feared," sighed Marian. "I wonder how it is that I have
+thought so much about myself; but it would come into my head, what was
+to become of us, and I was very much afraid of living with the Lyddells;
+but still there was a little glimmering of hope that you might be able
+to manage to leave us with the Wortleys."
+
+"I heartily wish I could," said Edmund, "but it is out of my power. My
+uncle--"
+
+"Surely papa did not wish us to live with the Lyddells?" cried Marian.
+
+"I do not think he contemplated your living any where but at home."
+
+"But the Vicarage is more like home than any other place could ever be,"
+pleaded Marian, "and papa did not like the Lyddells nearly so well as
+the Wortleys."
+
+"We must abide by his arrangements, rather than our own notions of his
+wishes," said Edmund. "Indeed, I know that he thought Mr. Lyddell a very
+sensible man."
+
+"Then poor Gerald is to grow up away from his own home, and never see
+the dear old moors! But if we cannot stay here, I had rather be with
+Selina. She is so fond of Gerald, and she knows what home was, and she
+knew and loved--them. And we should not meet so many strangers. Only
+think what numbers of Lyddells there are! Boys to make Gerald rude, and
+girls, and a governess--all strangers. And they go to London!" concluded
+poor Marian, reaching the climax of her terrors. "O Edmund, can you do
+nothing for us?"
+
+"You certainly do not embellish matters in anticipation. You will find
+them very different from what you expect--even London itself, which, by
+the by, you would have to endure even if you were with Selina, whom I
+suspect to be rather too fine and fashionable a lady for such a homely
+little Devonshire girl."
+
+"That Mrs. Lyddell will be. She is a very gay person, and they have
+quantities of company. O Edmund!"
+
+"The quantities of company," replied her cousin, "will interfere with
+you far less in your schoolroom with the Miss Lyddells, than alone with
+my Lady Marchmont, where, at your unrecognized age, you would be in
+rather an awkward situation."
+
+"Or I could go to Torquay, to old Aunt Jessie?"
+
+"Aunt Jessie would not be much obliged for the proposal of giving her
+such a charge."
+
+"But I should take care of her, and make her life less dismal and
+lonely."
+
+"That may be very well some years hence, when you are your own mistress:
+but at present I believe the trouble and change of habits which having
+you with her would occasion, would not be compensated by all your
+attention and kindness. Have you written to her yet?"
+
+"No, I do not know how, and I hoped it was one of the letters that you
+undertook for me."
+
+"I think I ought not to relieve you of that. Aunt Jessie is your nearest
+relation; I am sure this has been a great blow to her, and that it has
+cost her much effort to write to you herself. You must not turn her
+letter over to me, like a mere complimentary condolence."
+
+"Very well," said Marian, with a sigh, "though I cannot guess what I
+shall say. And about Selina?"
+
+"You had better write and tell her how you are situated, and I will do
+the same to Lord Marchmont."
+
+"And when must we go to the Lyddells? I thought he meant more than mere
+civility, when he spoke of Oakworthy this morning, at breakfast."
+
+"He spoke of taking you back to London immediately, but I persuaded him
+to wait till they go into Wiltshire, so you need not be rooted up from
+Fern Torr just yet."
+
+"Thank you, that is a great reprieve."
+
+"And do not make up your mind beforehand to be unhappy at Oakworthy.
+Very likely you will take root there, and wonder you ever shrank from
+being transplanted to your new home."
+
+"Never! never! it is cruel to say that any place but this can be like
+home! And you, Edmund, what shall you do, where shall you go, when you
+have leave of absence?"
+
+"I shall never ask for it," said he with an effort, while his eye fell
+on the window of the room which had been his own for so many years, and
+the thought crossed him, "Mine no more." It had been his home, as fully
+as that of his two cousins, but now it was nothing to him; and while
+they had each other to cling to, he stood in the world a lonely man.
+
+Marian perceived his emotion, but rather than seem to notice it, she
+assumed a sort of gaiety. "I'll tell you, Edmund. You shall marry a very
+nice wife, and take some delightful little house somewhere hereabouts,
+and we will come and stay with you till Gerald is of age."
+
+"Which he will be long before I have either house or wife," said Edmund,
+in the same tone, "but mind, Marian, it is a bargain, unless you grow so
+fond of the Lyddells as to retract."
+
+"Impossible."
+
+"Well, I will not strengthen your prejudices by contending with them."
+
+"Prejudice! to say that I can never be as happy anywhere as at my own
+dear home! To say that I cannot bear strangers!"
+
+"If they were to remain strangers for all the years that you are likely
+to spend with them, there might be something in that. But I see you
+cannot bear to be told that you can ever be happy again, so I will not
+say so any more, especially as I must finish my letters."
+
+"And I will try to write mine," said Marian with a sigh, as she reached
+the door, and went up to take off her bonnet.
+
+Edmund lingered for a moment in the hall, and there was met by Mrs.
+Wortley, who said she was glad to see that he had been out, for he was
+looking pale and harassed. "I did not go out for any pleasant purpose,"
+said he. "I had to pronounce sentence on poor Marian."
+
+"Is it finally settled?" said Mrs. Wortley. "We still had hopes of
+keeping her."
+
+"Sir Gerald and Miss Arundel are of too much distinction in Mr.
+Lyddell's eyes to be left to their best friends," said Edmund. "It was
+hard to persuade him not to take possession directly, on the plea of
+change being good for their spirits."
+
+"It is very kind of you to put off the evil day," said Mrs. Wortley; "it
+will be a grievous parting for poor Agnes."
+
+"A grievous business for every one," said Edmund.
+
+"How? Do not you think well of Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell?"
+
+"I know my uncle never thought of these poor children's living with
+them. He thought Mr. Lyddell a good man of business, but neither he nor
+my aunt ever dreamed of such a home for them."
+
+"Would they have preferred Lady Marchmont's? Marian is very fond of
+her, and was much gratified by a very nice affectionate letter that she
+received this morning."
+
+"Yes, but I am glad she is out of the question. It is offering a great
+deal both on her part and her husband's to take charge of these two, but
+it would never do. She is almost a child herself,--a bride and beauty
+under twenty,--excessively admired, very likely to have her head turned.
+No, it would be too absurd. All her kindness, amiability, desire to make
+Marian her friend and companion, would only serve to do harm."
+
+"Yes, you are right; yet I cannot help half wishing it could be, if it
+was only to save poor Marian her terrors of going among strangers."
+
+"I know exactly how it will be," said Edmund. "She will shut herself
+up in a double proof case of shyness and reserve. They will never
+understand her, nor she them."
+
+"But that cannot go on for ever."
+
+"No; and perhaps it might be better if it could."
+
+"Well, but do you really know anything against them? He seems inclined
+to be very kind and considerate."
+
+"Electioneering courtesy," said Edmund. "But now you begin to question
+me, I cannot say that my--my mistrust shall I call it--or aversion? is
+much better founded than the prejudices I have been scolding poor Marian
+for. Perhaps it is only that I am jealous of them, and cannot think any
+one out of Fern Torr worthy to bring up my uncle's children. All I know
+of them is, that Mrs. Lyddell was heiress to a rich banker, she goes out
+a good deal in London, and the only time that I met her I thought her
+clever and agreeable. In their own county I believe she is just what a
+popular member's wife should be--I don't mean popular in the sense of
+radical. I think I have heard too something about the eldest son not
+turning out well; but altogether, you see, I have not grounds enough to
+justify any opposition to their desire of having the children."
+
+"How are they as to Church principles?"
+
+"That I really cannot tell. I should think they troubled themselves very
+little about the matter, and would only dislike any thing strong either
+way. If my aunt had but been able to make some arrangement! No doubt it
+was upon her mind when she asked so often for me!"
+
+"Yes, but there is this comfort," said Mrs. Wortley, seeing him much
+troubled, "that she did not seem to make herself anxious and restless on
+their account. She trusted them, and so may we."
+
+"Yes, that is all that one can come to," said Edmund, sighing deeply.
+"But Gerald! One pities Marian the most now, but it is a more serious
+matter for him."
+
+"Gerald will be more in your power than his sister," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"As if that was much comfort," said Edmund, half smiling, then again
+sighing, "when even for my own concerns I miss my uncle's advice at
+every turn. And probably I may have to go on foreign service next year."
+
+"Then he will be at school."
+
+"Yes. He was not to have gone till he was ten years old, but I shall try
+to hasten it now. He must go with his sister to Oakworthy though, for to
+begin without him there would be complete desolation in her eyes."
+
+Here the conversation was concluded by Marian's coming down to write her
+painfully composed letters. That to her cousin, Lady Marchmont, who,
+as Selina Grenville, had been a frequent and favourite visitor at the
+manor, ran glibly enough off the pen, and the two or three quiet tears
+that blotted the paper, fell from a feeling of affection rather than of
+regret; but the letter to old Mrs. Jessie Arundel, her great aunt, and
+one or two others which Edmund had desired her to write, were works of
+time. Marian's feelings were seldom freely expressed even to those whom
+she loved best, and to write down expressions of grief, affection, or
+gratitude, as a matter of course, was positively repugnant to her.
+
+The great work was not finished till late, and then came in Gerald and
+Agnes, and the tea drinking among themselves was rendered cheerful by
+Agnes' anticipations of pleasure in their going the next day to the
+parsonage for a long visit. Gerald began to play with her, and soon got
+into quite high spirits, and Marian herself had smiled, nay, almost
+laughed, before the gentlemen came in from the dining room, when the
+presence of Mr. Lyddell cast over her a cloud of dull dread and silence,
+so that she did not through the rest of the evening raise her head three
+inches from her book.
+
+Yet as Mrs. Wortley had said, Mr. Lyddell was evidently inclined to be
+kind to her and her brother. He patted Gerald on the head as he wished
+him good night, and said good-naturedly to Marian that she must be great
+friends with his girls, Caroline and Clara.
+
+Marian tried to look civil, but could not find an answer both sincere
+and polite, and Mrs. Wortley, speaking for her, asked if they were
+nearly of the same age as she was.
+
+"Well, I can't exactly tell," said Mr. Lyddell. "I should think she was
+between them. You are thirteen, aren't you, Marian? Well, Caroline may
+be a couple of years older, and Clara--I know her birthday was the other
+day, for I had to make her a present,--but how old she was I can't
+exactly recollect, whether it was twelve or thirteen. So you see you
+will not want for companions at Oakworthy, and you will be as happy
+there as your poor mamma used to be in the old house. Many was the laugh
+she has had there with my poor sister, and now they are both gone--well,
+there, I did not mean to overset you,--but--"
+
+Marian could not bear it. She could talk of her mother to Mrs. Wortley,
+Agnes, or Edmund, with complete composure, but she could not bear Mr.
+Lyddell's hearty voice trying, as she thought, at sentiment, and forcing
+the subject upon her, and without a word or a look she hurried out of
+the room, and did not come back all the evening. Agnes followed her,
+and pitied her, and thought Mr. Lyddell should have said nothing of the
+kind, and sat down over the fire with her in her own room to read hymns.
+
+The next day Mr. Lyddell left Fern Torr, and Marian was so glad to
+gee him depart as to be able to endure much better his invitations to
+Oakworthy. That same day Marian and Gerald went to the parsonage, and
+Edmund, after spending a quiet Sunday at Fern Torr, bade them farewell
+on the Monday morning.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+  "Where once we dwelt our name is heard no more,
+  Children not thine 'may tread' my nurseryfloor."
+
+  COWPER.
+
+
+The way of life at Fern Torr parsonage was so quiet as to afford few
+subjects for narration. Mrs. Wortley was a gentle, sensible person, very
+fond of Marian and Gerald, both for their own sake and their mother's,
+and to be with her was to them as like being at home as anything could
+be. Agnes was quite wrapped up in her friend, whom she pitied so
+heartily, and was to lose so soon. She had known no troubles except
+through Marian, she reverenced Marian's griefs, and in her respect for
+them was inclined to spoil her not a little. Then, through nothing
+against the Lyddells had ever been said to Agnes, she had caught
+all Marian's prejudiced dislike to them, and sometimes in lively
+exaggeration, sometimes in grave condolence, talked of them "as these
+horrid people."
+
+Marian felt every day was precious as it passed, and the time seemed to
+her far less than two months, when one day there arrived a letter from
+Mrs. Lyddell to announce that the family were about to leave London, and
+in the course of a week Mr. Lyddell would come to fetch her and Gerald
+to Oakworthy.
+
+The letter was kindly expressed, but this was lost upon Marian in the
+pain its purport gave her, and the difficulty of composing an answer.
+She chose her smallest sheet of writing-paper with the deepest black
+edge, wrote as widely as she could, and used the longest words, but with
+all Mrs. Wortley's suggestions, she could not eke out what she had to
+say beyond the first page. She would not even send her love to her
+cousins, for she said she could have no particular affection for them,
+and to express any pleasure in the prospect of seeing so many strangers
+would be an actual untruth.
+
+What a week was that which followed! Marian loved her home with that
+enthusiasm which especially belongs to the inhabitants of mountainous
+districts, and still more acutely did she feel the separation from all
+that reminded her of her parents. If she had not had Gerald to go with
+her she did not know how she could have borne it, but Gerald, her own
+beautiful brother, with his chestnut curls, dark bright eyes, sweet
+temper, and great cleverness and goodness, he must be a comfort to her
+wherever she was. Gerald was one of those children who seem to have a
+peculiar atmosphere of bright grace and goodness around them, who make
+beautiful earnest sayings in their simplicity which are treasured up by
+their friends, who, while regarding them with joy and something like
+veneration, watch them likewise with fear and trembling. Thus had his
+mother looked upon Gerald, and thus in some degree did Mrs. Wortley; but
+Marian had nothing but pride, joy, and confidence in him, unalloyed save
+now and then by the secret, half superstitious fear that such goodness
+might mark him for early death.
+
+By Marian's own especial desire, she went to almost every cottage to
+take leave, but all she could do was to stand with her head averted and
+her lips compressed, while Mrs. Wortley spoke for her. Her next task was
+to look over the boxes and drawers at the manor house, in case it should
+be let; for no one else could be trusted to decide what hoards of highly
+prized trifles should be locked up, and what must be thrown away. She
+alone could choose the little keepsakes to be given to old servants and
+village friends, and she must select what she would take to Oakworthy.
+
+She stood lingering before each picture, viewing the old familiar
+furniture with loving eyes, and sighing at the thought that strangers
+would alter the arrangements, look carelessly or critically on her
+father's portrait, think her wild garden a collection of weeds, and root
+up the flowering fern which Edmund had helped her to transplant. She
+went into her own room, and felt almost ready to hate the person who
+might occupy it; she lay down on the bed, and looking up at the same
+branch of lime tree, and the same piece of sky which had met her eyes
+every morning, she mused there till she was roused by hearing Gerald's
+voice very loud in the nursery. Hastening thither, she found him
+insisting that his collection of stones and spars was much too precious
+to mend the roads with, as their maid Saunders proposed, and Agnes
+settling the matter satisfactorily by offering to take them to adorn a
+certain den in the vicarage garden with. The ponies were to be turned
+out to grass, the rabbits were bestowed on James Wortley, and Ranger
+was to be kept at the vicarage till Edmund could come and fetch him,
+together with his books, which Marian had to look out, and she found it
+a service of difficulty, since "Edmund Gerald" could scarcely be said to
+answer the purpose of a proper name in the Arundel family.
+
+The last day at home arrived, the eve of S. James. Marian went to
+prepare her class at the weekly school, resolved to do just as usual to
+the last. She had to read them the conversation on S. James's Day in
+"Fasts and Festivals," but she could hardly get through with it, the
+separation between early friends reminded her so much of herself and
+Agnes, and then the comparison of the two roads, one in burning and
+scorching sunshine, the other in the cool fresh shade, almost overset
+her, for though she could not tell why, she chose to be persuaded that
+the first must be hers. But they both ended in the same place. She felt
+tears coming into her eyes, but she kept them down, and went on reading
+in a steady monotonous voice, as if the meaning was nothing to her; she
+asked the children questions in a dry, grave, matter-of-fact way, as if
+she had not the slightest interest in them or in the subject, though her
+heart was full of affection to the dullest and roughest among them, and
+when she went away, her nod, and "well, good morning," to the school
+mistress were several shades further from warmth than usual.
+
+All the way back from the school she was eagerly telling Agnes exactly
+the point where she left each child in her class, and begging her to
+say the kind things which she meant to have said to Grace Knight, the
+mistress.
+
+Agnes laughed and said, "I hope she will take my word for it all. Why
+could you not speak to her? At least I thought you were not afraid of
+her."
+
+"I don't know," said Marian. "I thought I could, but it is very odd. You
+see, Agnes, how it is; the more I care, the more I can't speak, and I
+can't help it."
+
+"Well, don't be unhappy about it," said Agnes. "I know what you mean,
+and am ready to take you as you are, and if other people don't, it is
+their own fault."
+
+Agnes was rather too fond of Marian to be exactly right here, for it was
+not at all a good thing that she should be encouraged in a reserve which
+led her not always to do as she would be done by.
+
+The two girls came in, lingered in each other's rooms while they
+dressed, and at last were called down stairs by Mrs. Wortley, who was
+ready to finish with them the last chapter of the book they had been
+reading aloud together. Gerald sat in the window, his friend Jemmy
+hanging over him, and the two together composing a marvellous
+battlepiece, in which Gerald drew horses, men, cannon, and arrows, and
+Jemmy, like a small Homer, suggested the various frightful wounds they
+should be receiving, and the attitudes in which they should fall. The
+general, with a tremendous Turkish sabre, an immense cocked hat, and
+a horse with very stiff legs, was just being represented receiving an
+unfortunate-looking prisoner, considerably spotted with vermillion
+paint, when a sound of wheels was heard, and both boys starting up,
+exclaimed, "Here he comes!"
+
+He, as Marian knew full well, was Mr. Lyddell; and a chilliness came
+over her as he entered, tall, broad, ruddy, treading heavily, and
+speaking loudly: and Gerald pressed close to her, squeezing her hand
+so tight that she could hardly withdraw it to shake hands with her
+guardian. With one hand he held her cold reluctant fingers, with the
+other gave Gerald's head a patronizing pat. "Well, my dears, how d'ye
+do? quite well? and ready to start with me to-morrow? That is right.
+Caroline and Clara have had their heads full of nothing but you this
+long time--only wanted to have come with me."
+
+Here Marian succeeded in drawing back her hand, and retreated to the
+window; Gerald was creeping after her, but Mr. Lyddell laid hold of his
+chin, and drew him back, saying. "What, shy, my man? we shall cure you
+at Oakworthy My boys will give you no peace if they see you getting into
+your sister's pocket."
+
+Gerald disengaged himself, and made a rapid retreat. It was a long time
+before he again appeared, and when Mrs. the housekeeper at the Manor
+House, came down in the course of the evening to say good-bye, she said,
+"And ma'am, where do you think I found that dear child, Sir Gerald, not
+two hours ago?" She wiped away a gush of tears, and went on. "I thought
+I heard a noise in the drilling room, and went to see, and there, ma'am,
+was the dear little fellow lying on the floor, the bare boards, for the
+carpet is taken up, you know, Miss Marian, before his papa's picture,
+crying and sobbing as if his heart would break. But as soon as I opened
+the door, and he saw me, he snatched up his hat, and jumped out at the
+open window, which he had come in by, I suppose, for I never heard him
+open the door."
+
+Marian, after her usual fashion, had no reply, but it was pleasant to
+her to think of what had taken place, since Gerald had not in general
+shown much concern at the leaving home.
+
+They all met at breakfast next morning; Marian, was firmly determined
+against crying, and by dint of squeezing up her lips, and not uttering a
+word, succeeded in keeping her resolution; but poor Agnes could eat no
+breakfast, and did nothing but cry, till Mr. Lyddell, by saying that her
+tears were a great honour both to herself and Marian, entirely checked
+them.
+
+"I hope," said Mr. Wortley, "that Mrs. Lyddell will not be very strict
+in inquiring into the quantity of Marian's idle correspondence. The
+friends there mean to console themselves with multitudes of letters."
+
+"Oh, certainly, certainly," said Mr. Lyddell. "Old friends for ever! So
+mind, Marian, I mean to be very angry if you forget to write to Miss
+Wortley."
+
+"Thank you," said Marian, knowing that she was saying something silly,
+and trying to smile.
+
+"Come, then," said Mr. Lyddell, "thank your friends once more for their
+kindness, and let us be going."
+
+Thanks from Marian were out of the question, and she tried to get out
+of hearing of the sentences beginning, "I am sure we shall always be
+sensible," "Nothing could be kinder," which her guardian was pouring
+out. She moved with Agnes to the door: the summer sky was deeply blue,
+without a cloud, the fresh green branches of the trees stood up against
+it as if bathed in light, the flower beds were glowing with gay
+blossoms, Gerald and Jemmy were playing with Ranger under the verandah,
+and the Church bells rang cheerfully for morning service, but alas! at
+the gate was the carriage, Saunders sitting sobbing on the outside,
+and David Chapple, Mr. Wortley's man, standing on one leg on the step
+talking to her. Near at hand was the gardener from the Manor House,
+waiting with his hands full of Miss Arundel's favourite flowers, and
+there stood old Betty Lapthorn and her grandchild, Gerald's nurse who
+had married, and the old man to whom the children had so often carried
+the remains of their dinner; all the school children too, and Grace in
+the middle of them, waiting for the last view of Miss Arundel and little
+Sir Gerald.
+
+Mr. Lyddell finished his acknowledgments, and Marian and her brother
+received an embrace and good-bye from their friends, David jumped down
+and shut the door, Saunders sobbed aloud, there was another good-bye
+from each of the Wortleys, and a hearty response from Gerald, Mr.
+Lyddell called out, "All right," and away they went.
+
+On went the carriage, past the Church, with its open door and pealing
+bell, the rocky steps up to the Manor House, nestled in the shrubs, the
+well known trees, the herds of longhorned, red cattle, the grey stone
+cottages, and the women and tiny children at the doors, the ford through
+the sparkling shallow brook, the hill with the great limestone quarry,
+the kiln so like a castle, the river and its bridge of one narrow, high
+pitched, ivy grown arch, the great rod rock, remembered as having been
+the limit of papa's last drive, the farm house in the winding valley
+beyond, with its sloping orchard and home field, the last building in
+the parish. They drove through the little market town, slowly wound up
+the heights beyond, looked down into the broad, beautiful space where
+the river Exe winds its blue course amid wood, field, and castled hill,
+descended, losing sight of the last of the Torrs, glanced at Exeter and
+its Cathedral, arrived at the station, and there, while waiting hand in
+hand on the platform, gazing at the carriage, and starting at each puff,
+snort, cough, and shriek of the engines, Marian and Gerald did indeed
+feel themselves severed from the home of their childhood.
+
+It was not till the afternoon that they left the railroad, and then they
+had a two hours' drive through a country which Marian found very unlike
+her own: the bleak, bare downs of Wiltshire, low green hills rising
+endlessly one after the other, the white road visible far away before
+them, the chalk pits white and cold, a few whitey brown ponds now and
+then, and at long intervals a farm house, looking as if it had been set
+down there by mistake, and did not like it, carts full of chalk, and
+flocks of sheep the chief moving objects they met, and not many of them.
+
+Marian sighed, yawned, and looked at Gerald many a time before they at
+length came to a small, very neat-looking town, where the houses stood
+far back from the street, and had broad clean pavement in front of them.
+"This is Oakworthy," said Mr. Lyddell, and Marian looked with interest.
+The church was just outside the town, white, and clean looking, like
+everything else, and with a spire. That was all she could see, for they
+drove on by the side of a long park wall, enclosing a fir plantation.
+The gate of a pretty lodge was thrown back, and they entered upon a
+gravelled carriage-road, which, after some windings, led to a large
+house, built of white brick, regular and substantial. They stopped under
+the portico at the door, and Mr. Lyddell, as he handed Marian out of the
+carriage, exclaimed, "Welcome to Oakworthy Park!"
+
+It seemed to Marian that there was a whole crowd waiting for her in the
+hall, and she had received at least three kisses before she had time to
+look around her, and perceive that this formidable troop consisted of a
+tall, fresh-coloured lady, two girls, and two little boys. Each of
+the girls eagerly grasped one of her hands, and drew her into the
+drawing-room, exclaiming, "I am glad you are come!" Here were two more
+strangers, youths of the age at which their juniors call them men, and
+their seniors, boys. They did not trouble the guests with any particular
+demonstrations of welcome, only shaking hands with them carelessly, and
+after another moment or two Marian found herself sitting on a chair,
+very stiffly and upright, while Gerald stood about two feet from her,
+afraid of a second accusation of getting into her pocket, looking down,
+and twisting the handles of her basket.
+
+"Lionel, Johnny," said Mrs. Lyddell, "have you nothing to say to your
+cousin? Come here, my dear, and tell me, were you very sorry to leave
+Fern Torr?"
+
+Gerald coloured and looked at his sister, who replied by a hesitating,
+faltering, "Yes, very."
+
+"Ah! yes, I see," said Mrs. Lyddell, "but you will soon be at home
+here. It shall not be my fault or your cousins' if you are not,--eh,
+Caroline?"
+
+"Indeed it shall not," returned Caroline, again taking Marian's hand,
+at first pressing it cordially, but letting it go on feeling the limp,
+passive fingers, which were too shy and frightened to return the
+pressure.
+
+Mr. Lyddell came in, and while his wife was engaged in speaking to him,
+Marian had time to make her observations, for the chilling embarrassment
+of her manner had repelled the attentions of her cousins. Though she had
+never seen them before, she knew enough about them to be able to fit the
+names to the persons she saw before her, and make a few conjectures as
+to how she would like them.
+
+That youth in the odd-looking, rough, shapeless coat, yet with a certain
+expensive, fashionable air about the rest of his dress, who stood
+leaning against the chimney-piece in a nonchalant attitude, was
+her eldest cousin, Elliot Lyddell. The other, a great contrast in
+appearance, small, slender, and pale, with near-sighted spectacles
+over his weak, light grey eyes, dressed with scrupulous precision and
+quietness, who had retreated to the other end of the room and taken up
+a book, was Walter. The elder girl, Caroline, was about fifteen, a very
+pleasing likeness of her mother, with a brilliant complexion, bright
+blue eyes, and a remarkably lively and pleasant smile, which Marian was
+so much taken with, that she wished she could have found something to
+say, but the dress and air both gave her the appearance of being older
+than Agnes, and thus made Marian feel as if she was a great way above
+and beyond her. The other sister had a fair, pretty face, much more
+childish, with beautiful glossy light hair, and something sweet and
+gentle in her expression, and Marian felt warmly towards her because she
+was her mother's god-child, and bore the same name.
+
+The younger boys, Lionel and John, were nice-looking little fellows of
+nine and seven. They had drawn towards Walter, gazing all the time at
+Gerald, and all parties were rejoiced when Mrs. Lyddell, after a few
+more attempts at conversation, proposed to take the guests to their
+rooms.
+
+With a light, quick step, she led the way up two staircases and a long
+passage, to a good-sized, comfortable room intended for Marian, while
+Gerald's was just opposite. With a civil welcome to Saunders, kind hopes
+that Marian would make herself at home, and information that dinner
+would he ready at seven, she left the room, and Saunders proceeded with
+the young lady's toilette. Gerald stood gazing from the window at the
+trees and little glimpse of the town in the distance. He said little,
+and seemed rather forlorn till leave was given him to unpack some goods
+which he could not easily damage. Just as Marian was dressed, there was
+a knock at the door, and without waiting for an answer, Caroline
+and Clara entered, the former saying, "I hope you find everything
+comfortable: you see we make you quite at home, and stand on no
+ceremony."
+
+It was pleasantly said, but Marian only gave a constrained smile, and
+answered, "Thank you," in such an awkward, cold way, that Caroline was
+thrown back. Her sister, only conscious of freedom from the restraints
+of the drawing-room, began exclaiming in short sentences, "O what a
+pretty basket! so you have out your work already! what a lovely pattern!
+how quick you have been in dressing! we came to see how you were getting
+on. O what is this pretty box? do let me see."
+
+"A work-box," said Marian, by no means disposed to turn out all the
+small treasures it contained for Clara's inspection.--Caroline perceived
+this, and said with a little reproof to Clara,
+
+"You curious child! Perhaps Marian would like to come and see the
+schoolroom before going down."
+
+"Oh, yes," said Clara; "you must come. You have not seen Miss Morley
+yet,--our governess,--poor, unfortunate, faithful Morley, as we always
+call her."
+
+This manner of mentioning the governess, and before Saunders too,
+greatly surprised Marian, and she felt little inclination to face
+another stranger; but she could think of no valid objection, and allowed
+herself and Gerald to be conducted down one of the flights of stairs
+into a passage less decorated than the rest of the house. Clara threw
+open a door, calling out, "Here they are!" and Marian found herself in
+the presence of a little, nicely dressed lady, who looked very little
+older than Caroline, and had a very good-natured face. Coming forward
+with a smile, she said, "Miss Arundel, I believe. I hope you are quite
+well, and not tired. Sir Gerald, how d'ye do? We shall be good friends,
+I am sure."
+
+Gerald shook hands, and Marian thought she ought to do so too; but it
+had not been her first impulse, and it was too late, so she only made
+a stiff bend of head and knee. Clara, happily unconscious of the
+embarrassment with which Marian had infected Caroline, went on talking
+fast and freely:
+
+"So, you see, this is the schoolroom. There is Caroline's desk, and here
+is mine; and we have made room for you here. I suppose you have a desk.
+And here are all our books, and our chiffonniere; Caroline has one side
+and I the other. Oh, I must show you my last birthday presents. Ah!
+aren't we lucky to have got such a nice view of the terrace and the
+portico from here! We can always see the people coming to dinner, and
+when the gentlemen go out riding, it is such fun, and--"
+
+"My dear Clara," interposed Miss Morley, seeing Marian's bewildered
+looks, "your cousin is not used to such a chatterbox. I assure you,
+Miss Arundel, that Clara has been quite wild for the last week with the
+prospect of seeing you. I have actually not known what to do with her."
+
+Marian gave one of her awkward smiles, and said nothing.
+
+"You left Devonshire this morning, I think?" said Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes, we did."
+
+"Fern Torr is in a very beautiful part of the country, is it not?"
+
+"Yes, very."
+
+They were getting on at this rate when Mrs. Lyddell came in, and took
+Marian and Gerald down to the drawing-room with her, as it was almost
+dinner time. No sooner had the door closed behind them, than governess
+and pupils at once exclaimed, "How pale!" "how shy!" "how awkward!"
+
+"I dare say that is only shyness," said Caroline, "but I must say I
+never saw anything so stiff and chilly."
+
+"Yes, that she is," said Clara, "but it's only shyness; I am sure she is
+a dear girl. But how white she is! I thought she would have been pretty,
+because they say the Arundels are all so handsome."
+
+"She has fine eyes," said Miss Motley; "and that dear little Sir Gerald,
+I am sure we shall all be in love with him."
+
+"Well, I hope we may get on better in time," said Caroline, taking up a
+book, and settling herself in a most luxurious attitude in spite of the
+unaccommodating furniture of the schoolroom.
+
+Marian recovered a little at dinner, and was not quite so monosyllabic
+in her replies. Her netting was a great resource when she went into the
+drawing-room after dinner, and she began to feel a little less rigid and
+confused, made some progress in acquaintance with Clara, and when she
+went to bed was not without hopes of, in time, liking both her and
+Caroline very much.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+  "A place where others are at home,
+  But all are strange to me."
+
+  _Lyra Innocentium._
+
+
+Marian began the next morning by wondering what a Sunday at Oakworthy
+would be like, but she was glad the formidable first meeting was over,
+and greeted Gerald cheerfully when he came into the room.
+
+After a few minutes a bell rang, and Marian, thinking it must be for
+family prayers, hastened into the passage, wondering at herself for
+not having asked last night where she was to go. She was glad to meet
+Caroline coming out of her room, and after quickly exchanging a "good
+morning," she said, "Was that the bell for prayers?"
+
+"No, it was for the servants' breakfast," said Caroline "and for ours in
+the schoolroom too."
+
+"But don't you have prayers in the morning?" said Gerald,
+
+"No," answered Caroline gravely.
+
+"Why not," the little boy was beginning but Marian pressed his hand
+to check him, shocked herself, and sorry for Caroline's sake that the
+question had been asked.
+
+Caroline spoke rather hurriedly, "I wish we could, but you see papa is
+out so often, and there are so many people staying here sometimes: and
+in London, papa is so late at the House--it is very unlucky, but it
+would not do, it is all so irregular."
+
+"What?" said Clara, hopping down stairs behind them. "O, about prayers!
+We have not had any in the school room since Miss Cameron's time."
+
+"Miss Cameron used to read a chapter and pray with us afterwards," said
+Caroline; "but when she was gone, mamma said she did not like the book
+she used."
+
+"Besides, it was three quarters out of her own head, and that wasn't
+fair, for she used to go on such a monstrous time," said Clara.
+
+"Hush, Clara," said her sister, "and mamma has never found a book she
+does think quite fit."
+
+"There's the Prayer Book," said Gerald.
+
+"O that is only for Church," said Clara, opening the schoolroom door;
+"O she is not here! Later than ever. Well, Marian, what do you think of
+her?"
+
+"Of whom?" asked Marian.
+
+"Of poor unfortunate faithful Morley," said Clara.
+
+"You call her so after Queen Anne?"
+
+"Yes," said Caroline, "and you will see how well the name suits her when
+you are fully initiated."
+
+"But does she like it?"
+
+"Like it?" and Clara fell into a violent fit of laughing, calling out to
+Lionel, who just then came in, "Here is Marian asking if we call Miss
+Morley 'poor unfortunate' whenever we speak to her."
+
+"She is coming," said Lionel, and Clara sunk her boisterous laughter
+into a titter, evident enough to occasion Miss Morley to ask what
+made them so merry, but the only answer she received was from Lionel,
+"Something funny," and then both he and Clara burst out again into
+laughter, his open, and hers smothered.
+
+Marian looked amazed. "Ah! you are not used to such ways," said the
+governess; "Clara and Lionel are sometimes sad creatures."
+
+Breakfast took a very long time, and before it was quite over, Mrs.
+Lyddell came in, spoke in her rapid, good-natured tone to Marian and
+Gerald, and remarked rather sharply to Miss Morley that she thought they
+grew later and later every Sunday. Nevertheless, no one went on at all
+the faster after she was gone. Miss Morley continued her talk with
+Caroline and Clara about some young friends of theirs in London, and
+Lionel and Johnny went on playing tricks with their bread and butter,
+accompanied by a sort of secret teasing of Clara. Nothing brought them
+absolutely to a conclusion till one of the servants appeared in order to
+take away the things, and unceremoniously bore away John's last piece of
+bread and cup of tea.
+
+Johnny looked up at the man and made a face at him; Miss Morley shook
+her head, and Caroline said, "How can you be so naughty, Johnny? it
+serves you quite right, and I only wish it happened every morning."
+
+"Come, Gerald, and see the ponies," said Lionel.
+
+"My dears," said Miss Morley, "you know your mamma never likes you to go
+out before Church especially to the stables; you only get hot, and you
+make us late with waiting for you."
+
+"Nobody asked you to wait for us," said John. "Come, Gerald."
+
+"No, I see Sir Gerald is a good little boy, and is coming steadily with
+us," said Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes, Gerald, do," said Marian.
+
+"There will be plenty of time by and by," said Gerald, sitting down
+again.
+
+"O very well," said John. "Well, if you won't, I will; I want to see
+Elliot's colt come in from exercising, and he will be sure to be there
+himself now."
+
+Lionel and Johnny ran off, Caroline looked distressed, and went out into
+the passage leaving the door open. Walter was coming along it, and as
+she met him, she said, "Walter, the boys are off to the stable again;
+we shall have just such a fuss as we had last Sunday if you cannot stop
+them. Is Elliot there again?"
+
+"I am afraid he is," said Walter.
+
+"Then there is no chance!" said Caroline, retreating; but at that moment
+Lionel and John came clattering down from their own distant abode at the
+top of the house. "Who likes to walk with me through, the plantations to
+Church?" said Walter; "I was coming to ask if you liked to show that way
+to Gerald."
+
+Lionel and John, who had a real respect for Walter, thought it best to
+keep silence on their disobedient designs, and accept the kind offer.
+Gerald gladly joined them, and off they set. Miss Morley, Caroline, and
+Clara, had all gone different ways, and Marian remained, leaning her
+forehead against the window, thinking what her own dear Sunday-school
+class were doing at Fern Torr, and feeling very disconsolate. She had
+stood in this manner for some minutes when Clara came to tell her it was
+time to prepare for Church, followed her to her room, and contrived to
+make more remarks on her dress than Marian could have thought could
+possibly have been bestowed on a plain black crape bonnet and mantle.
+
+Through all the rather long walk, Clara still kept close to her, telling
+who every one was, and talking incessantly, till she felt almost
+confused, and longed for the quietness of the church. Mr. Lyddell's pew
+was a high, square box, curtained round, with a table and a stove, so
+that she hardly felt as if she was in church, and she was surprised not
+to see Elliot Lyddell there.
+
+They had to walk quickly back after the service, dine hurriedly, and
+then set off again for the afternoon service. Miss Morley sighed, and
+said that the second long hot walk almost killed her, and she went so
+slowly that the schoolroom party all came in late. They found no one in
+the pew but Mrs. Lyndell and Walter, and Marian once more sighed and
+wondered.
+
+On coming home, Miss Morley went in to rest, but as it was now cool and
+pleasant, her pupils stayed out a little longer to show the park and
+garden. They were very desirous of making the Arundels admire all they
+saw, and Lionel and John were continually asking, "Have you anything
+like that at Fern Torr?"
+
+Gerald, jealous for the honor of home, was magnificent in his
+descriptions, and unconscious that he was talking rhodomontade.
+According to him, his park took in a whole mountain, his house was quite
+as large and much handsomer than Mr. Lyddell's, the garden was like the
+hanging gardens of Babylon, and greenhouses were never wanted there, for
+"all sorts of things" would grow in the open air. His cousins were so
+amazed that they would hardly attend to Marian's explanations, and
+thought her description of the myrtle, which reached to the top of the
+house, as fabulous as his hanging gardens.
+
+"And, Marian, what do you think of this place?" asked Clara.
+
+After some pressing, the following reply was extracted:--"It is so shut
+in with fir-trees, but I suppose you want them to hide the town, and
+there is nothing to see if they were away."
+
+"O Marian!" said Caroline, "when we showed you the beautiful view over
+the high gate."
+
+"But there was no hill, and no wood, and no water."
+
+"Did you not see Oakworthy Hill?"
+
+"That tame green thing!" said Marian.
+
+"The truth is," said Johnny, "that she likes it the best all the time,
+only she won't own it."
+
+"Nonsense, Johnny," replied Lionel, "every one likes their own
+home best, and I like Marian for not pretending to be polite and
+nonsensical."
+
+"And I tell you," said Gerald, "that you never saw anything so good as
+my Manor house in your whole life."
+
+Here they went in, and Marian gently said to Gerald as they came
+into her room, "I wish you would not say _my_, Gerald, it seems like
+boasting. My park--my house--"
+
+Gerald hung his head, and the colour came deeply into his cheeks.
+"Marian," said he, "you know how I wish it wasn't mine now," and the
+tears were in his eyes. "But they boast over me, and they ought not, for
+I'm Sir--"
+
+"Oh! hush, Gerald. You used never to like to hear yourself called so,
+because it put you in mind--. Yes, I know they boast; but this is not
+the way to stop them, it only makes them go on; and what does it signify
+to you? it does not make this place really better than home."
+
+"Yes, but I want them to know it."
+
+"But you should not want to set yourself up above them. If you don't
+answer, and, let them say what nonsense they please, it would be the
+best way, and the right way, and so you would humble yourself, which is
+what we must all do Gerald."
+
+Gerald was silenced, but looked dissatisfied; however, there was no
+more time to talk, for Clara came to say that tea was almost ready, and
+Marian rang for Saunders. Gerald looked as if he was meditating when
+first they sat down to tea, and after some little time he abruptly
+began, "I don't like your church at all. It is just like a room, and
+nobody makes any noise."
+
+"Nobody makes any noise," repeated Caroline, smiling; "is that Fern Torr
+fashion?"
+
+"I do not mean exactly a noise," said Gerald, "but people read their
+verse of the psalm, and say Amen, and all that, quite loud. They don't
+leave it all to the clerk in his odd voice."
+
+Lionel mimicked the clerk so drolly, that in spite of "Don't, my dear,"
+and "O! Lionel," nobody could help laughing; and Johnny added an
+imitation of the clerk at their church in London. After the mirth was
+over, Gerald went on, "Why does not every one say Amen here?"
+
+"Like so many charity children," said Lionel, with a nasal drawl.
+
+"No, indeed!" cried Gerald, indignantly; "Edmund does it, and
+everybody."
+
+"Everybody! as if you could tell, who never went to church in your life,
+except at that little poky place," said Johnny,
+
+Gerald's colour rose, but Marian's eye met his, and he remembered what
+she had said, and answered quietly, "I don't know whether Fern Torr is
+poky, but it is a place where people are taught to behave well."
+
+"Capital, Gerald, excellent!" cried Caroline, laughing heartily, "that
+is a hit, Lionel, for you!" while Gerald looked round him, amazed at the
+applause with which his speech, made in all simplicity, was received.
+
+As soon as tea was over, Miss Morley called Lionel and John to repeat
+the Catechism, and added doubtfully, "Perhaps Sir Gerald would rather
+wait for next Sunday."
+
+"O no, thank you," said Marian, "we always say it."
+
+"You need not, Marian," said Caroline, "we never do, only it would be so
+troublesome for the boys to have to learn it at school."
+
+"I should like to say it if Miss Morley has no objection," said Marian.
+
+"Oh! yes, certainly," was the answer. "See, Lionel, there is an example
+for you."
+
+Marian and Gerald stood upright, with their hands behind them, just as
+they had stood every Sunday since they could speak; Lionel was astride
+on the music stool, spinning round and round, and Johnny balancing
+himself with one leg on the floor, and one hand on the window sill. When
+the first question was asked, the grave voice that replied, "Edmund
+Gerald," was drowned in a loud shout--
+
+  "Jack Lyddell, Jack Lyddell,
+  Shall play on the fiddle"--
+
+evidently an old worn out joke, brought to life again in the hope of
+making the grave cousins laugh, instead of which they stood aghast. Miss
+Morley only said imploringly, "Now, Johnny, my dear boy, _do_," and
+proceeded to the next question. Throughout the two boys were careless
+and painfully irreverent, and the governess, annoyed and ashamed,
+hurried on as fast as she could, in order to put an end to the
+unpleasant scene. When it was over she greatly admired the correctness
+of Gerald's answers, seeming to think it extraordinary that he should
+not have made a single mistake; whereas Marian would have been surprised
+if he had. Gerald whispered to his sister as they went down to the
+drawing-room, "Would it not be fun to see what Mr. Wortley would say to
+Lionel and Johnny, if he had them in his class?"
+
+On Monday, Marian and Gerald began to fall into the habits of the place,
+and to learn the ways of their cousins, though it was many years before
+they could be said really to understand them.
+
+Of their guardian himself, they found they should see very little, for
+their four schoolroom companions, his own children, had but little
+intercourse with him. Sometimes, indeed, Johnny, who enjoyed the
+privileges of the youngest, would make a descent upon him, and obtain
+some pleasure or some present, or at least a game of play; and sometimes
+Lionel fell into great disgrace, and was brought to him for reproof, but
+Caroline and Clara only saw him now and then in the evening, and never
+seemed to look to him as the friend and approver that Marian thought all
+fathers were. As to Miss Morley, she had only spoken twice to him since
+she had been in the house.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell seemed supreme in everything at home. She was quick,
+active, and clever, an excellent manager, nor was she otherwise than
+very kind in word and deed; and Marian could by no means understand the
+cause of the mixture of dread and repugnance with which she regarded
+her. Perhaps it was, that though not harsh, her manner wanted
+gentleness; her tones were not soft, and she would cut off answers
+before they were half finished. Her bright, clear, cold, blue eye had
+little of sympathy in it, and every look and tone showed that she
+expected implicit obedience, to commands, which were far from unpleasant
+in themselves, though rendered ungracious by the want of softness and
+mildness with which they were given. Marian often wondered, apart from
+the principle, how her cousins, and even Miss Morley, could venture to
+disregard orders given in that decided manner; but she soon perceived
+that they trusted to Mrs. Lyddell's multifarious occupations, which kept
+her from knowing all their proceedings with exactness, and left them a
+good deal at liberty.
+
+Marian was disposed to like Miss Morley, with her gentle voice and kind
+manner, but she was much surprised at her letting things go on among her
+pupils, which she must have known to be wrong in themselves, as well as
+against express commands of Mrs. Lyddell. Once or twice when she heard
+her talking to Clara, she said to herself, "Would not mamma say that was
+silly?" but at any rate it was a great thing to have a person of whom
+she was not in the least shy or afraid, and who set her quite at her
+ease in the schoolroom.
+
+The first business on Monday morning, after the little boys had gone off
+for two hours to a tutor, was an examination into Marian's attainments,
+beginning with French and Italian reading and translation, in which she
+acquitted herself very well till Mrs. Lyddell came in, and put her in
+such a state of trepidation that she no longer knew what she was about.
+In truth, Marian's education had been rather irregular in consequence
+of her father's illness, and its effect had been to give her a general
+cultivation of mind, and appreciation of excellence, to train her to do
+her best, and fed an eagerness for information, but without instructing
+her in that routine of knowledge for which Mrs. Lyddell and Miss Morley
+looked. She was not ready in answering questions, even upon what she
+knew perfectly well; she had no tables of names and dates at finger's
+ends, and when she saw that every one thought her backward and ignorant,
+the feeling that she was not doing justice to her mamma's teaching added
+to her confusion, her mistakes and puzzles increased, and at last she
+was almost ready to cry. At that moment Caroline said, "Mamma, you have
+not seen Marian's drawings yet. Do fetch them, Marian."
+
+The drawings served in some degree to save Marian in the opinion; at
+least, of Miss Morley: for an artist-like hand and eye were almost an
+inheritance in the Arundel family, and teaching her had been a great
+amusement to Sir Edmund. Miss Morley and Caroline thought her drawings
+wonderful; but Mrs. Lyddell, who had never learnt to draw, was, as
+Marian quickly perceived, unable to distinguish the merits from the
+faults, and was only commending them in order to reassure her. Her music
+was the next subject of inquiry, and here again she did not shine, for
+practising had been out of the question during the last two years of her
+father's life; but as she could not bear to offer this as an excuse,
+she only said she knew she could hardly play at all, but she hoped to
+improve. To her great relief, Mrs. Lyddell did not stay to listen to
+her performance, but went away, leaving her to Miss Morley, who found
+something to commend in her taste and touch.
+
+When the business of learning actually commenced, Marian grew more
+prosperous; for she had the good custom of giving her whole attention,
+and learnt therefore fast and correctly. Her exercise was very well
+done; her arithmetic, in which Edmund had helped her, was almost beyond
+Miss Morley's knowledge; and she was quite at home in the history they
+were reading aloud. Moreover, when they came to talk of what they had
+read, it proved that Marian was well acquainted with many books which
+were still only names to Caroline; and when Gerald came in with his
+books, his reference to her showed that she knew as much Latin as he
+did.
+
+They dined in the schoolroom at half-past one, then took a walk on the
+long, dull, white road, and came back at a little past four; after which
+the girls had each to practise for an hour, to look over some lessons
+for the next day, and to dress; but all the rest of their time was at
+their own disposal. There was to be a dinner-party that evening, and
+Clara advised her not to dress till after tea. "For we don't go down
+till after dinner," said she, "and I don't like to miss seeing the
+people come. Gerald, you had better get ready, though, for you boys
+always go down before."
+
+"Must I?" said Gerald.
+
+"O yes, that we must!" said Lionel; "and you will see how Johnny there
+likes to be petted by all the old ladies, and called their pretty dear."
+
+Johnny rushed upon his brother, and there was a skirmish between them,
+during which Miss Morley vainly exclaimed by turns, "Now Lionel!" and
+"Now Johnny!" It ended by John's beginning to cry, Lionel laughing
+at him, and declaring that he had done nothing to hurt him, and both
+walking off rather sullenly to dress for the evening. Gerald was bent on
+the same errand; and no sooner was he gone than Miss Morley, Caroline,
+and Clara all broke out into loud praises of him. He was so docile, he
+shut the door so gently, he seemed so very clever. He had quite won Miss
+Morley's heart by running back to the schoolroom to fetch her parasol
+for her when she found she had left it behind; Caroline admired him for
+being so merry and playful without rudeness, and Clara chimed in with
+them both. All expressed wonder at not finding him a spoiled child; and
+this, though the praises gratified Marian greatly, rather offended her
+in her secret soul; and she wondered too that Caroline and Clara seemed
+disposed to make the very worst of their own little brothers, so as to
+set off Gerald's perfections by force of contrast.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell came in while they were still talking. She was beautifully
+dressed, and looked very handsome, and, in Marian's eyes, very
+formidable; but she sat down and joined heartily in the praises of
+Gerald, till Marian thought, "What could they have expected poor Gerald
+to be, if they are so amazed at finding him the dear good little fellow
+he is!" It was in fact true that he was an agreeable surprise, for as
+an only son--a great treasure--and coming so early to his title, he
+was exactly the child whom all would have presumed most likely to be
+spoiled; and his ready obedience struck the Lyddells as no less unusual
+than those habits in which he had been trained, in consequence of the
+necessity of stillness during Sir Edmund's long illness. It was more
+natural to him to shut the door quietly than to bang it, to speak than
+to shout, and to amuse himself tranquilly in the house than to make a
+great uproar. He was courteous, too, and obliging; and though Lionel and
+Johnny were in consequence inclined to regard him as a "carpet knight so
+trim," the ladies fully appreciated these good qualities. Mrs. Lyddell
+perhaps made the more of her satisfaction, because she was conscious of
+not liking his sister's stiff, formal, frightened manners.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell waited till the boys came from dressing, and took them all
+three down with her. Clara sat down in the window-seat to watch the
+arrivals, as soon as she had recovered from her amazement at hearing
+that Marian had not been in a house with a dinner-party since Gerald was
+born. "Is it possible!" she went on saying, and then bursting into a
+laugh, till Caroline said sharply, "How can you be so silly, Clara! you
+know the reason perfectly well."
+
+"But it is so odd," continued Clara. "Why, we are never a week without a
+party, and sometimes two!"
+
+"Hush," said Caroline, "or I shall never finish my Italian."
+
+The little boys came up to tea; Gerald would not make much answer when
+Clara asked if the ladies had talked to him, but Johnny looked cross,
+and Lionel reported "it was because his nose was put out of joint."
+Coming up to Marian, to whom he seemed to have taken a fancy, Lionel
+further explained confidentially how all the ladies made a fuss with
+Johnny, and admired his yellow curls, and called him the rose-bud, and
+all sorts of stuff; and how Johnny liked to go down in his fine crimson
+velvet, and show off, and have all his nonsense praised, "And the pretty
+dear is so jealous," said Lionel, "that he can't bear any one to say one
+word to poor me--oh no!"
+
+"Why, do you wish for them to do so?" said Marian.
+
+"Oh no, not I--I never did; and I'm glad I'm grown too big and ugly for
+them. I always get as near Elliot as I can and try to hear if they are
+saying any thing about the hunt; and the ladies never trouble their
+heads about what is good for any thing, so they never talk to me."
+
+"That is no great compliment to Gerald," said Marian.
+
+"Ah! you'll soon see. If there is any fun in him, they will soon cast
+him off; but now he is new, and he has not found them out yet, and they
+_do_ dearly like to say Sir Gerald; so Johnny is regularly thrown out,
+and that is what makes him look sulky."
+
+"Well, but it is using him very ill to desert him for Gerald," said
+Marian.
+
+"Oh, they won't desert him. They like mamma's good dinners too well for
+that; only Johnny can't bear any one else to be taken notice of. Trust
+the county member's son for their making much of him."
+
+"But that applies to you too, Lionel."
+
+"Ay, and I could soon get their civility if I cared for it," said Lionel
+grandly. "But I know well enough what it is worth. Why, there is Walter,
+who is the best of us all--nobody cares one straw for him, except
+Caroline and--"
+
+"And you?" asked Marian.
+
+"Why--why--yes, if he was not so much of a parson already."
+
+"Oh, Lionel!" said Marian, shocked; and he turned it rather hastily into
+"I mean, he is not up to any thing; he does not shoot, and he does not
+care for dogs, or horses; nothing but books for ever."
+
+A summons to the tea-table put an end to Lionel's communications, which
+had so amazed Marian that she could do nothing but ponder on them all
+the time that Clara would leave her in quiet.
+
+The going into the drawing-room was to her a most awful affair; and
+Saunders seemed to be very anxious about it, brushing and settling her
+hair, and arranging the plain black frock, as if she would never have
+done; seeming, too, not a little worried by Clara, who chose to look on
+at all her proceedings. At last it was over Marian wished Gerald good
+night, and descended with her two cousins and Miss Morley. Caroline
+and Clara were in blue, Miss Morley in white; and as they entered just
+opposite to a long pier glass, Marian thought that with her white face,
+straight dark hair, and deep mourning dress, she looked like a blot
+between them, and wished to shrink out of sight, instead of being
+conspicuous in blackness.
+
+The ladies came in a few minutes after, and Caroline and Clara went
+forward, shaking hands, smiling, and replying in a way which was by no
+means forward, and with ease that to Marian was marvellous. If people
+would but be kind enough not to look at her! But Mrs. Lyddell was a
+great deal too civil for that too come to pass, and presently Marian was
+called and introduced to two ladies. She was seated between them, and
+they began talking to her in a patronising manner; telling her they
+remembered her dear mamma at her age; saying that they had seen her
+brother, and congratulating her on having two such delightful companions
+as the Miss Lyddells. Then they asked about Devonshire; and as Marian's
+cold short replies let every subject fall to the ground in a moment,
+they proceeded to inquire whether she could play. Truth required her to
+confess that she could, a very little; and then they begged to hear her.
+Poor Marian! this was too much. She felt as if she was in a horrible
+mist, and drawing up her head as she always did in embarrassment, she
+repeated, "Indeed, indeed I cannot!" protestations which her tormentors
+would not believe, and which grew every moment more ungracious, as, to
+augment her distress, she saw that Mrs. Lyddell was observing her. At
+the moment when she was looking most upright and rigid, Caroline came to
+her relief. The same request had just been made to her, and she came to
+propose to Marian to join in the one thing she knew she could play--a
+duet which she had that morning been practising with Clara. It was very
+kind, and Marian knew it; for Caroline had said that she never liked
+that duet, and was heartily tired of it; but all the acknowledgement her
+strange bashfulness would allow her to make was a grateful look, and a
+whisper, "Oh, thank you!"
+
+Afterwards one of the young lively visitors sang, and Marian, who had
+never heard much music, was quite delighted; her stiff company-face
+relaxed, a tear came to her eyes, and she sat with parted lips,
+forgetting all her fears and all the party till the singing was over,
+and Caroline touched her, and told her it was bed-time. Marian wondered
+to see how well Caroline and Clara managed to escape without being
+observed; but she marvelled at their going to bed so much as if it was a
+thing of course to have no "good night" from father or mother. When they
+were outside the door, in the hall, Marian, her heart still full of the
+music, could not help exclaiming, "How beautiful!"
+
+"What? Miss Bernard's singing?" said Clara. "I declare, Caroline, Marian
+was very nearly crying! I saw you were, Marian."
+
+"She does sing very nicely," said Caroline, "but that song does not suit
+her voice. It is too high."
+
+"And she makes faces," said Clara, "she strains her throat; and she has
+such great fingers--I could never cry at Miss Bernard's singing, I am
+sure."
+
+Marian did not like this. "Good night," said she, abruptly.
+
+"You are not vexed, are you?" said Clara, kindly. "I did not think you
+would mind my noticing your crying. Don't be angry, Marian."
+
+"Oh, no, I am not at all angry," said Marian, trying to speak with ease,
+but she did not succeed well. Her "good nights," had in them a tone as
+if she was annoyed, as in fact she was; though not at all in the way
+Clara supposed. She did not care for the notice of her tears, but she
+said to herself, "This is what Edmund calls destroying the illusion. If
+they would but have let me go to bed with the spell of that song resting
+on me!"
+
+She sighed with a feeling of relief and yet of weariness as she came
+into her own room, and found Saunders there. Saunders looked rather
+melancholy, but said nothing for the first two or three minutes; then as
+she combed Marian's hair straight over her face, she began, "I hope you
+enjoyed yourself, Miss Marian?"
+
+"Oh, Saunders," said Marian, "I'm very tired; I don't think I shall ever
+enjoy myself anywhere but at home."
+
+"Ah--hem--ah," coughed Saunders, solemnly; then, after waiting for some
+observation from Marian, and hearing only a long yawn and a sigh, she
+went on. "Prettily different is this place from home."
+
+"Indeed it is," said Marian, from her heart.
+
+"Such finery as I never thought to see below stairs, Miss Marian. I am
+sure the Manor House was a pattern to all the country round for comfort
+for the servants, and I should know something about it; but here--such
+a number of them, such eating and drinking all day long, and the very
+kitchen maids in such bonnets and flowers on Sundays, as would perfectly
+have shocked Mrs. White. And they are so ignorant. Fancy, Miss Marian,
+that fine gentleman the butler declaring he could not understand me, and
+that I spoke with a foreign accent! I speak French indeed!"
+
+"But, Saunders," said Marian, rather diverted, "you do speak Devonshire
+a little."
+
+"Well, Miss Marian, perhaps I may; I only know 'tisn't for them to
+boast, for they speak so funny I can't hardly make them out; and with
+my own ears I have heard that same Mr. Perkins himself calling you Miss
+Harundel. But that is not all. Why, not half of them ever go to church
+on a Sunday; and as to Mrs. Mitten, the housekeeper, not a bit does she
+care whether they do or not; and no wonder, when Mr. Lyddell himself
+never goes in the afternoon, and has gentlemen to speak to him. And then
+down at the stables--'tis a pretty set of drinking, good-for-nothing
+fellows there. I hope from my heart Sir Gerald won't be for getting down
+there among them; but they say Master Lionel and Master John are always
+there. And that Mr. Elliot--"
+
+In this manner Saunders discoursed all the while she was putting Marian
+to bed. Both she and her young lady wore doing what had much better have
+been let alone. Saunders had no business to carry complaints and gossip,
+Marian ought not to have listened to them; but the truth was that
+Saunders was an old attached confidential servant, who had come to
+Oakworthy, more because she could not bear to let her young master and
+mistress go entirely alone and unfriended among strangers, than because
+it would be prudent to save a little more before becoming Mrs. David
+Chapple. Fern Torr was absolute perfection in her eyes; and had the
+household at Oakworthy been of superior excellence, she would have found
+fault with everything in which it differed from the Manor House. Her
+heart was full; and to Miss Marian, her young lady, a Fern Torrite, a
+Devonian like herself, she must needs pour it out, where she had no
+other friend. On the other hand, Saunders was still in Marian's eyes a
+superior person--an authority--one whom she could never dream of keeping
+in order, or restraining; and here a friend, a counsellor, the only
+person, except Gerald, who had known the dear home.
+
+So a foundation was laid for confidences from Saunders, which were not
+likely to improve Marian's contentment. When she had bidden her maid
+good night, and sat thinking before she knelt down to say her prayers,
+she felt bewildered; her head seemed giddy with the strangeness of this
+new world; she knew not what in it was right and what was wrong; all
+that she knew was, that she felt lonely and dreary, and as if it could
+never be home. Her heart seemed to reach out for her mother's embrace
+and support, and then Marian sank down on her knees, rested her face on
+her arms, and while the tears began to flow, she murmured, "OUR FATHER,
+Which art in heaven."
+
+Soon after, her weary head was on her pillow, and the dim grey light of
+the summer night showed the quiet peace and calmness that had settled on
+her sleeping face.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+  "That is not home where, day by day,
+  I wear the busy hours away."
+
+
+In a short time, Marian had settled into her place at Oak Worthy, lost
+some part of her shyness towards the inhabitants, and arrived at the
+terms which seemed likely to continue between her and her cousins.
+
+There was much that was very excellent about Caroline Lyddell; she had
+warm feeling, an amiable and obliging disposition, and great sweetness
+of temper; and when first Marian arrived she intended to do all in her
+power to make her at home, and be like a sister to her. But she did not
+understand reserve; and before Marian had got over her first shyness
+and awkwardness, Caroline felt herself repulsed, and ceased to make
+demonstrations of affection which met with no better response. Marian
+made none on her side; and so the two cousins remained very obliging and
+courteous to each other, but nothing more.
+
+Clara had begun by making herself Marian's inseparable companion in
+rather a teasing manner, caressing her continually, and always wanting
+to do whatever she was doing; but as novelty was the great charm
+in Clara's eyes, and as she met with no very warm return to her
+endearments, all this soon wore off; and though she always came to
+Marian whenever she had any bit of news to tell,--though she often
+confided to her little complaints of the boys or Miss Morley,--this was
+no great compliment, for she would have done the same to anything that
+had ears. Her talk was no longer, as it had been at first, exclusively
+for Marian; and this wag rather a relief, for it was not at all like the
+talk Marian was used to with Agnes or with Edmund.
+
+Young and unformed as Marian was, it would be hard to believe how much,
+without knowing it, she missed the intercourse with superior minds, to
+which she had been accustomed. It was just as her eye was dissatisfied
+with the round green chalk hills, instead of the rocks and streams of
+her own dear home; or as she felt weary of the straight, formal walks
+she now took, instead of her dear old rambles,
+
+  "Over bank and over brae,
+  Where the copsewood is the greenest,
+  Where the fountain glistens sheenest,
+  Where the lady-fern grows strongest,
+  Where the morning dew lies longest."
+
+Edmund's high spirits, Agnes' playful glee,--how delightful they were!
+and though Marian often laughed now, it was not as she had laughed at
+home. Then, too, she grew shy of making remarks, or asking questions,
+when Clara had nothing to say but "How odd!" or Miss Morley would give
+some matter-of-fact answer, generally either quite beside the point, or
+else what Marian know before. Caroline understood what she meant, and
+would take up the subject, but not always in a satisfactory manner; for
+she and Marian always seemed to have quite opposite ways of viewing
+every thing. Each felt that the other had more serious thoughts and
+principles than most of those around them, but yet their likings and
+dislikings were very different in the matter of books. "Anna Ross" was
+almost the only one of Caroline's favourites that Marian cordially
+liked; and this, as Caroline suspected, might he owing to a certain
+analogy between Anna's situation and her own, by no means flattering to
+the Lyddell family. It was wonderful how many were the disparities
+of tastes, views, and opinions between them; but the root of these
+differences seemed undiscoverable, since Marian would not or could not
+argue, replied to all objections with a dry, short, "I don't know," and
+adhered unalterably to her own way of thinking.
+
+Miss Morley settled the matter by pronouncing that Sir Edmund and Lady
+Arundel must have been very narrow-minded people; and this judgment was
+so admired by Caroline and Clara, that it was sure to be brought forward
+as conclusive, whenever Marian was the subject of conversation. At last
+Lionel broke in one day, "Stuff! Marian is a good, sensible, downright
+girl, and it is my belief that all that you mean by narrow-mindedness is
+that she cares for what is right, and nothing else."
+
+"How much you know about it, Lionel!" said Clara, laughing; but Caroline
+answered in earnest, "There is reason in what you say, Lionel--Marian
+does care for what is right; but the question is, whether her views of
+it are not narrow?"
+
+"The narrower the better, say I," said Lionel, as he plaited his
+whip-lash.
+
+"Strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, that leadeth unto life,"
+came into Caroline's head, and she stood thoughtful. Clara exclaimed,
+"Well done, Lionel! I wonder what he'll say next to defend his dear
+Marian."
+
+"I know what I mean well enough," said Lionel. "I suppose you call it
+being broad-minded to trace your drawings through against the window,
+when mamma goes on telling you not. Better have her narrow mind, say I."
+
+"Then why don't you," said Clara, "instead of going down to the stables
+for ever with that man of Elliot's that mamma said you were never to
+speak to?"
+
+Lionel whisked his whip-lash before Clara's eyes, so as to make her
+wink. "I did not say I was good myself;" said he; "I said Marian was."
+And he ran out of the room.
+
+Clara laughed at Lionel's admiration of Marian, which had begun to be
+a joke in the schoolroom; but Caroline, as she practised her music,
+thought a good deal over the conversation. "Is a narrow mind really a
+fear of doing wrong?" was a question she asked herself several
+times; and then she thought of all the things she had heard called
+narrow-minded and scrupulous in Marian or others, but she soon found
+herself lost in a mist, and wished she could talk it over with her
+former governess, Miss Cameron. As to what Lionel had said about the
+drawing, she was conscious she was very wrong; her mamma had called it
+an idle practice to trace the outline through against the glass, and
+had forbidden it; but a difficulty had soon brought her back to the
+window-pane, exclaiming, "Just for this one thing, I am sure mamma would
+not object."
+
+"If Miss Cameron had been here, it would not have happened," said
+Caroline to herself with a sigh, and for a few days she kept away from
+the window; but another difficulty occurred, again she yielded to the
+temptation, and whoa she heard her mother's step in the passage, hurried
+back to her desk with guilty precipitation. A few days after, Clara was
+actually caught in the fact by Mrs. Lyddell, and then Miss Morley began
+making an excuse, evidently quite as much out of kindness to herself as
+to her pupil. Marian looked up in surprise, with a wondering, inquiring
+expression in her eyes. They were cast down the instant the governess
+turned towards her; but Miss Morley always felt abashed, by meeting that
+look of astonishment, which awoke in her a sensation of self-reproach
+such as she had seldom known before.
+
+Miss Morley was a little afraid of Marian's eyes, though not of her in
+any other respect; nor did she like her much better than Caroline did,
+though she gave her much less trouble than any of her other pupils,
+except Caroline. Those questions and observations puzzled her, and she
+thought the poor child had been reading books beyond her years--it was
+such a great disadvantage to be an only daughter. Besides, she really
+believed Marian Arundel had no affection for any one,--no warmth of
+feeling; she would ten times prefer a less diligent and more troublesome
+pupil, in whom she could take some interest, and who showed some
+affection, to one so steady and correct in behaviour, without the frank
+openness of heart which was so delightful. To make up, however, for this
+general want of liking for poor Marian, on the other hand, every one was
+fond of Gerald. His behaviour in the schoolroom was so very nice and
+good, and out of doors his climbing, running, and riding were no less
+admired by his contemporaries. Now and then, indeed, a dispute arose
+between him and the other two boys, when Gerald criticised, and declared
+that "Edmund and everybody" thought as he did; or when he would try to
+outdo the sporting exploits reported of Elliot, by Edmund's shooting at
+Fern Torr. One day there was a very serious quarrel, Gerald having
+taken up the cause of an unfortunate frog, which Lionel and Johnny were
+proposing to hunt, by rolling their marbles at it.
+
+Gerald declared they should not, that frogs were harmless, innocent
+creatures, and that Edmund and everybody liked them. This only made
+Lionel and Johnny more determined; partly from the absurdity of Gerald's
+appeal, and partly for the sake of mischief; and Gerald was overpowered,
+unable to save his protege, and obliged to witness its cruel death. He
+burst into tears, and then, came the accusation of crying for a frog.
+Poor little boy, he burst away from his tormentors, and never stopped
+till, he was safe in his sister's room pouring out his grief to her
+and Saunders (for it was her dressing-time), and comforted by their
+sympathising horror and pity.
+
+Saunders said it gave her a turn, and Marian's feelings were much of the
+same nature. She could not have thought it of Lionel. He was, indeed,
+reckless and unruly; by reputation _the_ naughty one of the set; but
+Marian had often thought that much of Johnny's misbehaviour was unjustly
+charged on him, and there was an honesty about him, together with a
+cordiality towards herself, which made her like him. And that he should
+have been wantonly cruel!
+
+She comforted Gerald as well as she could, and they went back to the
+schoolroom together. Lionel, as he often did, brought her a knot in a
+piece of string to be untied; she felt almost ready to shrink from him,
+as capable of such a deed, and gave it back to him after untying it,
+without a word. Lionel stood leaning against the shutter looking at her
+for some minutes, while she fetched her books, and sat down to learn her
+lessons. Tea came in; and while there was something of a bustle, and all
+the others were talking, and engaged in different ways, Lionel crossed
+over to her and said in a low voice, "So Gerald has made you angry with
+me?"
+
+"No; but Lionel, I could not have thought you would have done such a
+thing."
+
+"'Twas only a frog," said Lionel; "besides, I only did it to tease
+Gerald."
+
+"I do not see that that makes it any better," said Marian, gravely.
+
+"Why, Gerald was so ridiculous, to say Edmund and everybody liked frogs;
+but I didn't--I only mean that, if he had not made a fuss, I would never
+have hurt the frog, and I did not mean to kill it as it was; so never
+mind, Marian. I'll tell you what, Marian," added he, sinking his voice,
+"I'd rather Caroline and Clara, and poor unfortunate into the bargain,
+scolded me till they were black in the face, than that you looked at me
+as you did just now."
+
+"Did I?" said Marian, rather alarmed. "I am sure I did not know I looked
+anyhow."
+
+"Didn't you, though? It is just the way you look at poor unfortunate
+when she sports her humbug."
+
+"Hush, Lionel! this will never do. You know you ought not to talk in
+that way," said Marian, rising to put an end to the conversation.
+
+"But we have made it up?" said Lionel, holding her dress.
+
+"Yes, yes," said Marian hastily, and with full forgiveness in look
+and tone. As she took her place at the tea-table, she wondered within
+herself what was the matter with her eyes to cause such remarks, and
+still more why she could not help liking Lionel so much the best of her
+cousins, in spite of all the naughtiness of word and deed, which shocked
+her so much.
+
+The nest day she was walking in the garden with Clara, when Gerald came
+running up, with an entreaty that she would come and have a game at
+cricket with him and Lionel. Clara exclaimed, laughed, and stared in
+amazement.
+
+"She plays famously," said Gerald; "she, and Agnes, and I, beat all the
+other Wortleys one day last summer. Come, Marian, don't say no; we have
+not had a game for a very long time."
+
+"Who is playing?" asked Marian.
+
+"Only Lionel and me; Johnny is out with Mrs. Lyddell Come, we want you
+very much indeed; there's a good girl."
+
+To Clara's astonishment and Lionel's admiration, Marian complied; and
+though, of course, no great cricketer, her skill was sufficient to
+make her a prodigy in their eyes. But the game was brought to a sudden
+conclusion by Miss Morley, who, seeing them from the window, came out
+very much shocked, and gave the girls a lecture on decorum, which Marian
+felt almost as an insult.
+
+When they went in, Gerald told Saunders the whole adventure; and she,
+who at Fern Torr had been inclined to the same opinion as Miss Morley,
+and had often sighed and declared it to be unlike young ladies when
+Marian and Agnes had played, now agreed with him that it was very hard
+on Miss Marian not to have a little exercise, lamented that she should
+always be cooped up in the schoolroom, and declared that there could be
+no harm in playing with such a little boy as Master Lionel.
+
+The most unpleasant result was, that Miss Morley and the cousins took an
+impression that Agnes Wortley must be a vulgar romp, and were inclined
+to think her an unsuitable friend for Marian. Their curiosity was
+excited by the frequent letters between the two friends. Marian always
+read those which she received with the utmost eagerness, hardly ever
+telling any part of their contents, but keeping them to be enjoyed with
+Gerald in her own room; and half her leisure moments were employed in
+filling fat, black-edged envelopes, which were sent off at least as
+often as once a week.
+
+"I wonder what she says about us!" said Clara, one day.
+
+"I don't think it would suit you," said Caroline; "I should not think
+she painted us _couleur de rose_."
+
+"Except Lionel," said Clara, "if their admiration is mutual. But, by the
+by, Miss Morley, why do you not desire to see her letters? You always
+look at mine."
+
+"She is not quite in the same situation," said Miss Morley.
+
+"But could not you?" continued Clara. "It would be very entertaining
+only to look for once."
+
+"And I think it would be only proper," said Caroline. "Who knows what
+she may say of us to these dear friends of hers?"
+
+The subject was not allowed to drop; the girls' curiosity led them to
+find numerous reasons why their cousin's correspondence should not pass
+without examination, and Miss Morley found she must either endure their
+importunity, or yield to it. She was driven to choose the part of the
+oppressor; and one day, when Clara had been tormenting her more than
+usual, she addressed Marian, who was folding up a letter. "I think,"
+said she, speaking in a timid, deprecating tone--"I think, Marian, if
+you please, it might be as well, perhaps, if I were sometimes to look
+over your letters; it has always been the custom here."
+
+Then; was no encouragement to proceed in the look of blank amazement
+with which Marian replied, "Edmund Arundel and Mr. Lyddell both approve
+of my writing to Agnes Wortley."
+
+"Ah!" interposed Clara; "but did they mean that your letters should
+never be looked over?"
+
+"I heard nothing about it," said Marian.
+
+"Miss Cameron always looked over mine," said Caroline.
+
+"I will ask Mr. Lyddell himself as soon as he comes home," said Marian,
+determinedly.
+
+There was a pause, but Caroline and Clara did not look satisfied. Miss
+Morley knew they would leave her no peace if she desisted, and she went
+on,--"I wish I could sometimes see a proof of willingness to yield."
+
+Marian was out of patience, and putting her letter into the desk, locked
+it up; and Caroline laughingly remarked, "Really, there must be some
+treason in that letter!" If the observation had been taken as it was
+meant, all would have been well; but Marian bit her lip with an air that
+convinced the sisters that Caroline had hit the mark; and their glances
+stimulated Miss Morley to say, as decidedly as she could, "Marian, your
+present conduct convinces me that it is desirable that I should see that
+letter."
+
+Marian's dark eyes gave one indignant flash, as she proudly drew up her
+head, opened her desk, laid her letter on the table before Miss Morley,
+and slowly walked out of the room; but as soon as she had shut the door,
+she ran at full speed along the passage to her own room, where, throwing
+herself on the bed, she gave way to a fit of violent weeping, and sobs
+which shook her whole frame. Proud, passionate feelings at first almost
+choked her, and soon these were followed by a flood of the bitter tears
+of loneliness and bereavement. "Who would have dared insult her thus,
+had her father and mother been living?" and for a minute her agony for
+their loss was more intense than it had ever been. Gradually, "the
+turbid waters brightening as they ran," became soothing, as she dwelt on
+the sweet, holy memory of her parents, and wholesome as she mourned over
+her fit of pride and anger. But for what were they accountable, whose
+selfish weakness and thoughtless curiosity had caused the orphan's tears
+to flow?
+
+Caroline had not seen those flashing eyes without an instant perception
+of the injustice of the accusation. Her half-jesting speech had led
+the matter much further than she had intended; and alarmed at the
+consequences, she ran after her cousin to entreat her pardon; but
+Marian, unconscious of all save the tumult within herself, hurried on
+too fast to be overtaken, and just as Caroline reached her door, had
+shut it fast, and drawn the bolt, and a gentle knock and low call of
+"Marian, dear Marian," were lost in the first burst of sobs. Caroline,
+baffled and offended, turned away with feelings even more painful than
+hers; and too proud to repeat the call, walked up and down, waiting till
+the door should be opened, to assure her cousin that nothing should
+induce her to touch the letter, and to beg her forgiveness; but as
+minutes passed away in silence, she grew tired of waiting, thought
+Marian sullen and passionate, and at length, returned to the schoolroom.
+As soon as she entered, Clara exclaimed, "O Caroline, only think, how
+odd--"
+
+"I don't want to hear anything about it," said Caroline, sitting down to
+the piano; "I wish we had never thought of it."
+
+She began, playing with all her might, but gradually she abated her
+vehemence, as she caught a few sounds of a conversation between Clara
+and Miss Morley. At last she turned round, asking, "What? who is his
+godfather?"
+
+"Mr. Arundel, 'Edmund and every body,' you know," answered Clara. "I
+never heard anything like it. Only fancy his hearing that boy say his
+catechism!"
+
+"What? I don't understand," said Caroline; "Mr. Arundel and Gerald!
+Nonsense! He can't be his godfather. Mamma said he was only
+four-and-twenty, and Gerald is almost nine."
+
+"Here is Marian's authority for it," said Clara; "and certainly those
+Arundels are a curious family."
+
+"Mr. Arundel is the next heir, is he not?" inquired Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes," said Caroline; "I heard mamma telling old Mrs. Graves the whole
+story. His father and mother both died when he was very young, and Sir
+Edmund brought him up entirely, and every one looked upon him as the
+heir till Gerald was born; and a groat disappointment it must have been,
+for now he has next to nothing. But they all were just as fond of each
+other as before; and it does seem very strange that Sir Edmund should
+have made him their guardian, at his age, when there was Lord Marchmont,
+who is their cousin, too."
+
+"I dare say," said Clara, as if a most brilliant thought had struck her,
+"I dare say there is a family compact, such as one reads of in books,
+that he is to marry Marian."
+
+"My dear Clara!" said Miss Morley laughing, "How should such a notion
+come into your little head?"
+
+"Now see if it is not so!" said Clara; "I do believe she is in love with
+him already, and he is coming to see her."
+
+"Is he?" cried Caroline, "I am very curious to sec him. Mamma says he is
+very handsome, and quite a distinguished looking person. When does he
+come?"
+
+"You had better read," said Clara; "I can tell you that there are
+wonderful things in the letter."
+
+Curiosity again asserted its power, and Caroline yielded. The letter had
+been opened, and it would not signify if one more person looked at it.
+She took it, and read eagerly and stealthily, starting at every sound.
+
+  "My dear Agnes--I hope you and Jemmy are getting
+  on well in your solitude without the schoolboys. Tell
+  Charles, when you write, that a gentleman staying here
+  caught a trout last week that weighed three pounds, but I
+  believe that those which are caught in these rivers taste of
+  mud, and are not nearly so good as our own. I was very
+  much afraid that Gerald would go to school this summer,
+  but now Mrs. Lyddell has heard that it was settled that he
+  should not go till he was ten, and it is arranged for him to
+  stay till next year, when I hope he will be happier than
+  Charles was at first. You asked after his drawing, so I
+  have put in the last scrap I met with, and in case you
+  should not be able to find out what it is meant for, I must
+  inform you that it is the dog springing on the young Buecleuch.
+  The other day he sent Edmund a letter in hieroglyphics,
+  with pictures instead of nouns, and Edmund answered
+  it in the same way with funny little clever drawings
+  throughout. His regiment is going abroad nest spring, he
+  thinks, to the Cape, but he has promised to come and see us
+  first, and thinks of going home to see about his things.
+  Thank Mrs. Wortley for being so kind as to scold me for
+  not dating my letters. I shall not be likely to forget the
+  date of this on September 30th, for Mr. Lyddell has just
+  paid me my first quarter's allowance, and I am frightened
+  to think how large it is; ten pounds a quarter only for my
+  dress, and I am to have more when I am seventeen. So
+  matters can go on more as they used in the parish. Will
+  you be so kind as to pay this quarter's schooling for Amy
+  Lapthorn and Honor Weeks and Mary Daw, and find out
+  what clothes they want, and if Susan Grey has not a new
+  bonnet, give her one, and a flannel petticoat for old Betty,
+  and if any body else wants anything else let me know, and
+  pay up for all the children that dear mamma used to put into
+  the penny club, and send me word what it comes to, and I
+  will send the money when Edmund comes to pay his visit.
+  I suppose the apples are gathered by this time; you cannot
+  think how I miss the golden and red piles under the trees,
+  and the droning of the old cyder press. And do those beautiful
+  Red Admiral butterflies come in the crowds they did
+  last year to the heaps of apples in our orchard? Do you remember
+  how we counted five that all came and sat on your
+  pink frock while we were watching them?
+
+  "Will Mr. Wortley be kind enough to tell me of some
+  book of questions on the Catechism, more advanced than the
+  one he gave me? I suppose we ought to go on with the Catechism,
+  till we are confirmed, and so Gerald and I always go
+  through a section every Sunday, taking the book by turns,
+  and he knows our old one perfectly. He is so good and
+  steady about it that I quite wonder, considering that there
+  is no authority to keep him up to it, but he is very anxious
+  to stand a good examination when his godfather comes, and
+  Edmund is sure to ask hard questions. And Gerald has
+  never missed since we have been here, getting up in time to
+  come and read the Psalms with me before breakfast, and
+  really I think that is exceedingly good of him; but I have
+  come to the end of my paper, so good-bye.
+
+  "Your affectionate
+
+  "MARIAN C. ARUNDEL."
+
+Caroline's cheeks glowed as she read, both with shame at her own
+proceedings, and with respect for her narrow-minded cousin; but she had
+no opportunity for making remarks, for just as she had finished the
+letter, and folded it up again, the boys were heard coming in. The first
+thing Gerald said was, "So Marian has not sent her letter; I will run
+down with it, or it will be too late."
+
+"It is not sealed," said Clara.
+
+"Clara looks as if she had been peeping," said Johnny.
+
+"I should like to see any one peep into Marian's letters," said Gerald,
+taking it up, and carrying it away with him.
+
+Lionel stood with his eyes fixed on Clara. "I do believe it is true
+then!" said he, laying hold of Clara's arm; "I have a great mind to say
+I'll never speak to you again, Clara. Peeping into people's letters.
+Why, you ought to be hooted through the town!"
+
+The boys looked nearly ready to put the hooting into effect, but Clara
+answered angrily, "Peeping! I have been doing no such thing! Don't be so
+rude, Lionel."
+
+"That is humbug," said Lionel; "you have been looking impudently, if you
+have not been peeping slyly."
+
+"Lionel, you are a very naughty boy indeed!" said Clara, almost crying;
+"I have done just as Miss Morley and Caroline have been doing; Miss
+Morley always looks over----"
+
+"Let who will do it," said Lionel, "it is an impudent, ungentlemanlike
+thing, that you all ought to be ashamed of. I declare papa shall hear of
+it."
+
+"Lionel, do you know what you are saying?" said Caroline.
+
+"This is sadly naughty!" feebly murmured Miss Morley.
+
+"Lionel, mamma will be very angry," said Clara.
+
+"I don't care," said Lionel loudly and vehemently; "I know that you all
+ought to be ashamed of yourselves, every one of you. Why, if you
+were boys you would never hold up your heads again; but girls can do
+anything, and that is the reason they have no shame."
+
+"Hush! Lionel, dear Lionel!" said Caroline, coming to him persuasively,
+but he shook her off:
+
+"I want none of your _dears_," said he; "ask Marian's pardon, not mine."
+
+He turned his back, and took up a book. The girls dared say no more to
+him; Miss Morley very nearly cried as she thought how impossible it was
+for women to manage great boys. She ought to complain of his rudeness,
+but the explanation of what gave rise to it was impossible, and so, poor
+woman, she thought herself too good-natured.
+
+Gerald, in the meantime, had gone to his sister's room, where he called
+hastily on finding the door fastened. She opened it, and he eagerly
+asked what was the matter.
+
+"Never mind," said Marian; "thank you for remembering my letter. Will
+you fetch the sealing wax out of----"
+
+"Well, but what is the matter?"
+
+"Nothing that signifies; never mind."
+
+"But I do mind, I can't bear for you to cry. You know I can't, so don't
+begin again," added he, as his affectionate tones made her lip quiver,
+and her eyes fill with tears.
+
+"But, Gerald, pray get the wax, or----. But no, no," added she
+hurriedly, "do not, I will not touch it, till----"
+
+"Till when?" asked Gerald; "I wish you would tell me how they have
+been vexing you. I am sure they hare, for they all looked guilty. Poor
+Marian!" He put his arm round her neck, and drew her cheek to his. Who
+could withstand such a brother? Marian whispered. "Only--but don't make
+a fuss--only Miss Morley made me show her my letter."
+
+He started from her, and broke forth into a torrent of indignation; and
+it was not quickly that she succeeded in getting him to listen to her
+entreaties that he would not tell any one.
+
+"What do you mean to do?" said he. "O I will write such a letter to
+Edmund, in hopes she will ask to see it. But she won't venture on mine.
+Shall I tell Edmund?"
+
+"No, no, Gerald, you do nothing; pray don't say anything. I will speak
+to Mr. Lyddell, for it was he who gave me leave."
+
+"And I hope he will give poor unfortunate a good rowing. Won't it be
+fun?"
+
+"Now, Gerald, pray don't say such things, or I shall be sorry I told
+you. I dare say she thought it was right."
+
+"Stuff and nonsense! Right indeed! I hope Mr. Lyddell will give it to
+her well!"
+
+"If I may not write without having my letters read, I am sure I shall
+never be able to write at all!"
+
+"And when shall you speak? Luckily there is no company to-night, and I
+hope I shall be there to hear."
+
+"No, you will not; I shall wait till you are gone to bed, for I am sure
+Lionel and Johnny ought to know nothing about it. I believe I had better
+not have told you; but, Gerald, you are all I have, and I can't help
+telling you everything."
+
+"Of course, Marian, so you ought, for let them laugh at me as they will,
+I always tell you everything. And won't it be nice when I am grown up,
+and we can get away from them all, and live at home together, and I go
+out shooting every day, and you and Ranger stand at the top of the steps
+to watch me? For Ranger will be too old to go out shooting by that
+time."
+
+In the midst of this picture of rural felicity, Saunders came to tell
+Marian that it was time to dress.
+
+When she returned to the schoolroom, Caroline would have given anything
+not to have read the letter; she was too sure that there was nothing
+wrong in it, and she could not show the trust in her cousin which would
+have enabled her to speak freely, and say she was very sorry for her
+speech and meant nothing by it; nor did she wish to revive the subject
+before Lionel, whose indignation would be still more unpleasant in
+Marian's own presence. She therefore said nothing, and on the other hand
+Marian felt awkward and constrained; Lionel was secretly ashamed of his
+own improper behaviour to Miss Morley, and well knowing that he should
+never dare to perform his threat of telling his father, put on a surly
+kind of demeanour, quite as uncivil to Marian as to anyone else; and but
+that Clara never minded anything, and that Johnny knew and cared little
+about the matter, their tea that evening would have been wonderfully
+unsociable. Gerald had not much to say, but the bent of his thoughts was
+evident enough when his ever-busy pencil produced the sketch of a cat
+pricking her paw by patting a hedgehog rolled up in a ball.
+
+Neither Miss Morley nor her pupils ever expected to hear more of the
+letter, for they knew perfectly well that what Lionel had said was but a
+threat, for the appeal direct to Mr. or Mrs. Lyddell was a thing never
+thought of at Oakworthy. Marian had, however, made up her mind; her
+anxiety overpowered her shyness; she knew that Mr. Lyddell was the
+proper person, and perhaps the fact was that she was less afraid of him
+than of his wife. So, though she resisted all the glances cast at her
+by Gerald, whenever he thought he saw a good opportunity for her, and
+waited till all the three little boys had gone to bed, she by no means
+gave up her purpose. It was time for her too, to wish good night; and
+while her heart beat fast, she said, "Mr. Lyddell, you gave me leave to
+write to Agnes Wortley. Was it on condition of my letters being looked
+over?"
+
+"Who meddles with your letters?" said Mr. Lyddell, much surprised.
+
+Caroline, having helped to get her governess into the scrape, thought
+it but fair to say what she could for her, and answered, "Miss Morley
+thought that you and mamma would wish it."
+
+"By no means," said Mr. Lyddell, turning to Marian, "I have the
+highest opinion of Mr. and Mrs. Wortley, the very highest; I wish your
+correspondence to be perfectly free."
+
+"Thank you," said Marian. "Good night!" and away she went, to tell
+Gerald how it had passed; and he, who had been lying awake in
+expectation, was much disappointed to hear no more than this.
+
+As soon as she was gone, Mrs. Lyddell exclaimed, "What could have given
+Miss Morley reason to think that her letters were to be inspected?
+Really, Miss Morley must have some courage! I should be sorry to be the
+person to make the request."
+
+"Ah! Marian was very angry indeed," said Clara; "quite in a passion."
+
+"Very proper," said Mr. Lyddell. "A spirited thing. She is a girl of
+sense."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell let the matter drop with the girls, but going to the
+schoolroom, she inquired into it more fully, and found that by poor
+unfortunate faithful Morley's own account, she had allowed herself to
+be made the tool of the curiosity of Caroline and Clara. She spoke
+severely, and Miss Morley had displeasure to endure, which was
+considerably more disagreeable than all Clara's importunities could have
+been.
+
+However, the next morning it appeared as if the whole affair was
+forgotten by all parties; Marian win just as usual, and so were her
+cousins; but, in secret, Caroline felt guilty, and held her in higher
+estimation since she had seen the contents of the letter, which, as
+she could perceive, Marian might well be doubly unwilling to show; she
+wished that Marian would but be as open to her as she was to Agnes, but
+this unfortunate business seemed like another great bar to their ever
+being really intimate, and she did not know how to surmount it.
+
+These reflections were shortly after driven out of Caroline's head by
+a severe fit of toothache, which for three days made her unfit for
+anything but to sit by the fire reading idle books. Mrs. Lyddell
+proposed to take her to Salisbury to consult a dentist, and Lionel was
+supposed likewise to require inspection. Then, turning to Marian, Mrs.
+Lyddell said, "This is not the pleasantest kind of expedition, but
+perhaps you may like to see Salisbury, and I think your bonnet wants
+renewing."
+
+"Thank you," said Marian, pleased with the Invitation. "I shall be very
+glad to go; I believe my teeth ought to be looked at. The dentist at
+Exeter said last winter that they were crowded and ought to be watched."
+
+"Very well," said Mrs. Lyddell, "we will see what Mr. Polkinghorn says."
+
+"Polkinghorn," said Marian, as Mrs. Lyddell left the room; "that is a
+Devonshire name."
+
+"You are very welcome to him, I am sure," said Caroline; "I wish the
+trade was abolished."
+
+"What cowards girls are!" said Lionel.
+
+"Let us see how boys behave before we say anything against girls," was
+Marian's answer.
+
+"Shan't you scream?" said Lionel.
+
+"Of course she will not," said Caroline, "unless with joy at meeting a
+Devonshire man."
+
+Marian laughed, and Lionel began an exhilarating story about an
+unfortunate who was strapped to the dentist's chair, dragged nine times
+round the room, and finally had his jaw broken.
+
+Marian enjoyed her drive to Salisbury, though it added to her contempt
+for Wiltshire scenery, by showing her more and more of desolate down.
+She watched the tall Cathedral spire from far in the distance, peering
+up among the hills like a picture more than a reality, and she admired
+the green meadows and quiet vale where the town stands. Poor Caroline
+was taken up with dreadful anticipations of Mr. Pokingtooth, as Lionel
+called him, and when arrived at his clamber of torture, hung back, so as
+to allow Marian to be the first victim. The result of the examination
+was, that it would be better; though not absolutely necessary, that a
+certain double tooth should be extracted, and Mr. Polkinghorn, left the
+room in search of an instrument.
+
+"So you think it ought to go?" sighed Marian.
+
+"I should say so," said Mrs. Lyddell, "but you may decide for yourself."
+
+Marian covered her face with her hands, and considered. The dentist
+returned; she laid back her head and opened her mouth, and the tooth
+was drawn. Caroline and Lionel escaped more easily, and they left the
+dentist's. Mrs. Lyddell said something in commendation of Marian's
+courage, and asked if she would like to see the Cathedral, an offer
+which she gladly accepted, expecting to go to the service, as the bells
+now began to ring; but she was disappointed, for Mrs. Lyddell said, "Ah!
+I had forgotten the hour. We must do our commissions first, and be at
+the Cathedral before the doors are shut." Marian did not venture to
+express her wishes, but she thought of the days when attending the
+Cathedral service had been the crowning pleasure of a drive to Exeter,
+and in dwelling on the recollection, she spent the attention which Mrs.
+Lyddell expected her to bestow on her new bonnet.
+
+Their business did not occupy them very long, and they entered the
+Cathedral before the anthem was over; but Marian felt that it was not
+fitting to loiter about the nave while worship was going on within the
+choir; and the uncomfortable feeling occupied her so much, that she
+could hardly look at the fair clustered columns and graceful arches, and
+seemed scarcely to know or care for the gallant William Longsword, when
+led to the side of his mail-clad, cross-legged effigy. The deep notes of
+the organ, which delighted Caroline, gave her a sense of shame; and even
+when the service was over, and they entered the choir, these thoughts
+had not so passed away as to enable her to give full admiration to the
+exquisite leafy capitals and taper arcades of the Lady Chapel. Perhaps,
+too, there was a little perverseness in her inability to think that this
+Cathedral surpassed that of Exeter.
+
+She thanked Mrs. Lyddell rather stiffly, as she thought to herself, "I
+did not reckon upon this!" and they set out on their homeward drive.
+Caroline looked thoughtful, and did not say much, Lionel fell asleep,
+and Mrs. Lyddell, after a few not very successful attempts at talking to
+Marian, took out her bills, and began to look over them and to reckon.
+Marian sat looking out of the window, lost in a vision of the hills,
+woods, and streams of Fern Torr, which lasted till they had reached
+home.
+
+Such an expedition was so uncommon an event in the lives of the
+inhabitants of the schoolroom, that those who stayed at home were as
+excited about it as those who went, and a full and particular account
+was expected of all they had seen and all they had done. Caroline and
+Lionel both seemed to think Marian a perfect miracle of courage in
+voluntarily consenting to lose a tooth.
+
+"And I am sure," said Caroline as they sat at tea, "I cannot now
+understand what made you have it done."
+
+"To oblige a countryman," said Marian laughing.
+
+"Well, but what was your real reason?" persisted Caroline.
+
+"Mrs. Lyddell thought it best, and so did the dentist," said Marian.
+
+"O," said Caroline, "he only said so because it was his trade."
+
+"Then how could Mrs. Lyddell depend on him?" said Marian, gravely.
+
+"Dentists never are to be depended on," said Caroline; "they only try to
+fill their own pockets like other people."
+
+"You forget," said Lionel, "Devonshire men are not like other people."
+
+"O yes, I beg their pardon," said Caroline, while every one laughed
+except Gerald; who thought the praise only their due.
+
+"But why did you have it done?" said Clara, returning to the charge; "I
+am sure I never would."
+
+"Yes, but Marian is not you," said Lionel.
+
+"You would have disobeyed no one," said Caroline.
+
+"I do not know," said Marian, thinking of one whom she would have
+disobeyed by showing weakness.
+
+"Then did you think it wrong not to have that tooth drawn?" said
+Caroline.
+
+"I do not know."
+
+"Did you think it right to have it done?"
+
+"I do not know, unless that I did not like it."
+
+"Do you mean to say that not liking a thing makes it right?" exclaimed
+Clara.
+
+"Very often," said Marian.
+
+"Miss Morley, now is not that Popish?" cried Clara.
+
+"Perhaps your cousin can explain herself," said Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes, do," said Caroline, "you must tell us what you mean."
+
+"I don't know," was Marian's first answer; but while uttering the reply,
+the real reason arranged itself in words; and finding she must speak
+clearly, she said, "Self-denial is always best, and in a doubtful case,
+the most disagreeable is always the safest."
+
+Miss Morley said that Marian was right in many instances, but that this
+was not a universal rule, and so the conversation ended.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+  "O Brignal banks are fresh and fair,
+  And Greta woods are green;
+  I'd rather rove with Edmund there,
+  Than reign our English queen."
+
+  ROKEBY.
+
+
+Winter came, and with it the time fixed for that farewell visit from
+Edmund Arundel, to which Marian and Gerald had long looked forward.
+Marian was becoming very anxious for it on Gerald's account, for she was
+beginning to feel that he was not quite the same child as when he first
+arrived at Oakworthy. He was less under control, less readily obedient
+to Miss Morley, less inclined to quote Edmund upon all occasions, more
+sensible of his own consequence, and more apt to visit that forbidden
+ground, the stables.
+
+She longed for Edmund's coming, trusting to him to set everything right,
+and to explain to her the marvels of this strange new world.
+
+Several gentlemen were staying in the house, and there was to be a
+dinner party on the day when he was expected, so that she thought the
+best chance of seeing him would be to stay in the garden with Gerald,
+while the others took their walk, so that she might be at hand on his
+arrival. Clara, though by no means wanted, chose to stay also, and the
+two girls walked up and down the terrace together.
+
+"It is so very odd," said Clara "that you should care about such a great
+old cousin."
+
+"He is only twenty-four," answered Marian.
+
+"But he must have been grown up ever since you remember."
+
+"Yes, but he is so kind. He used to carry us about and play with us when
+we were quite little children, and since I have been older he has made
+me almost a companion. He taught me to ride, and trained my bay pony,
+my beautiful Mayflower, and read with me, and helped me in my music and
+drawing."
+
+"That is more than Elliot would do for us, if he could," said Clara. "It
+is very dull to have no one to care about our lessons, but to be shut up
+in the schoolroom for ever with poor unfortunate."
+
+Marian did not choose to say how fully she assented to this complaint,
+but happiness had opened her heart, and she went on,--"I have had so
+many delightful walks with him through the beautiful wood full of rocks,
+and out upon the moor. O, Clara, you cannot think what it is to sit upon
+one of those rocks, all covered with moss and lichen, and the ferns
+growing in every cleft and cranny, and the beautiful little ivy-leafed
+campanula wreathing itself about the moss, and such a soft, free,
+delicious air blowing all around. And Edmund and I used to take out a
+book, and read and sketch so delightfully there!"
+
+"Do you know, Marian," said Clara mysteriously, "I have heard some one
+say--I will not tell you who--that it is a wonder that Mr. Arundel is so
+fond of you, of Gerald, at least, for if it was not for him, he would
+have had Fern Torr, and have been Sir Edmund."
+
+"But why should he not be fond of Gerald?"
+
+"Really, Marian, you are a very funny person in some things," exclaimed
+Clara. "To think of your not being able to guess that!"
+
+Here Mrs. Lyddell interrupted them by calling from the window to ask why
+they were staying in the garden?
+
+"We were waiting to see Mr. Arundel, mamma," answered Clara.
+
+"I think," said Mrs. Lyddell, "that as I am going out, it is not quite
+_the thing_ for you young ladies to wait to receive a gentleman in my
+absence. You had better overtake the others. Marian will see Mr. Arundel
+in the evening."
+
+"How cross!" exclaimed Clara, as soon as they were out of hearing. "Now
+we have to go along that horrid, stupid path that poor unfortunate is
+so fond of! If mamma had to go there herself, she would know what a
+nuisance it is!"
+
+Marian was silent, because she was too much annoyed to speak properly
+of Mrs. Lyddell, whose interference seemed to her a needless piece of
+unkindness. At home she would have thought it strange not to hasten to
+greet cousin Edmund, and she feared he would think she neglected him,
+yet she could not, in Clara's presence, leave a message for him with her
+brother. Gerald begged her to remain, but she replied, with, a short,
+blunt "I can't," and set off with Clara, feeling provoked with
+everybody. In process of time she recovered candour enough to
+acknowledge to herself that Mrs. Lyddell was right as far as Clara was
+concerned, but the struggle kept her silent, her cousin thought her
+sulky, and the walk was not agreeable.
+
+Gerald did not as usual attend her toilette, but as she passed along the
+passage on her way to the schoolroom, she heard sounds in the hall so
+like home that her heart bounded, Gerald's voice and Edmund's in reply!
+She could not help opening the door which separated the grand staircase
+from the schoolroom passage, the voice sounded plainer, she looked over
+the balusters, and saw--yes, actually saw Edmund, the top of his black
+head was just below her. Should she call? Should she run half-way down
+stairs, and just exchange one greeting unrestrainedly? But no; her heart
+beat so fast as to take away her breath, and that gave her time for
+recollection: Mrs. Lyddell might not think it proper, it would be
+meeting him in an underhand way, and that would never do!
+
+Marian turned back, shut the door of communication, and in the next
+moment was in the schoolroom. When Gerald came up to tea, he was in the
+wildest spirit; making fun, romping with Lionel and John, and putting
+everything in such an uproar that it was quite a relief when the time
+came for going down to the drawing-room.
+
+Now, Marian's great fear was that the gentlemen would be cruel enough
+to stay in the dining-room till after half-past nine, when she would
+be obliged to go to bed. She could hardly speak to anybody, she shrank
+away, as near the door as she dared, and half sprang up every time it
+opened, then sat down ashamed of herself, and disappointed to see only
+the servants with coffee and tea.
+
+At last, the fatal time had all but come, when the black figures of the
+gentlemen entered one after the other, Marian scarcely venturing to look
+at them, and overpowered with a double access of fright and shyness,
+which chained her to her seat, and her eyes to the ground. But
+now--Edmund's hand was grasping hers, Edmund was by her side, his voice
+was saying, "Well, Marian, how are you?"
+
+She looked up at him for one moment, then on the ground again, without
+speaking.
+
+"Oakworthy has put no colour in your cheeks," said he. "Are you quite
+well?"
+
+"Quite, thank you," said she, almost as shortly and coldly as if she had
+been answering Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"When did you hear from home?"
+
+"Yesterday," said she, speaking more readily. "Agnes always writes once
+a week. When do you go there?"
+
+"Next week, when I leave this place."
+
+"You come from the Marchmonts, don't you?"
+
+"Yes, Selina sends you her love, and all manner of kind messages. She
+hopes to see you in London after Easter."
+
+"O dear! There is Mrs. Lyddell looking at me, and I see Caroline is
+gone! Good night, Edmund."
+
+"So soon? I hoped to have seen more of you to-day; I came early on
+purpose."
+
+"I thought so, but they would not let me stay at home."
+
+"I understand. Don't squeeze up your lips and look woeful. I knew how it
+was. Good night."
+
+Marian walked slowly up stairs, sighing as she went, and looked into
+Gerald's room. He was awake, and called out, "Well, Marian, are you not
+glad he has come?"
+
+"O yes, very," returned Marian, in a tone of little gladness; "I hope
+you will be very happy with him."
+
+"Why not you?"
+
+"It will be all disappointment," she answered in a choking voice, as,
+sheltered by the darkness, she knelt down by Gerald's bed, and burst
+into tears. "It will all be like to-day."
+
+"No, it shall not!" cried Gerald; "I will tell Edmund all about it, and
+he shall send them all to the right about! I can't think why you did not
+tell Mrs. Lyddell that you always stay at home for Edmund."
+
+"Miss Arundel," said Saunders, at the door, "do you know that it is half
+an hour later than usual?"
+
+The next morning Marian awoke with brighter spirits. It was possible
+that she might accomplish one walk with him, and Gerald was sure of
+being constantly at his side, which was the great point. At any rate,
+she could not be very unhappy while he was in the house.
+
+She heard nothing of him all the morning, but, just as the schoolroom
+dinner was over, in came Mrs. Lyddell, and with her Edmund himself, to
+the great surprise of all the inhabitants. Marian looked very happy, but
+said very little, while there was some talk with Miss Morley, and then
+Edmund asked if she had no drawings to show him. She brought out her
+portfolio, and felt it like old times when he observed on her improved
+shading, or criticised the hardness of her distant hills, while Miss
+Morley wondered at his taste and science. It was delightful to find that
+she and Gerald were really to take a walk with him by themselves. She
+almost flew to fetch her walking dress, and soon the three were on their
+way together.
+
+There was a great quantity of home news to be talked over, for Edmund
+had not heard half so often nor so minutely as Marian, and he had to be
+told how Charles Wortley got on at his new school, that Ranger had
+been lost for a day and a half, and many pieces of the same kind of
+intelligence, of which the most important was that Farmer Bright's widow
+had given up the hill farm, and his nephew wanted to take it, but Mr.
+Wortley hoped that this would not be allowed, as he was a dissenter.
+
+"Indeed!" said Edmund; "I wonder Carter did not mention that."
+
+"Had you heard this before?" said Marian; "I thought it news."
+
+"Most of it is," said Edmund, "but not about the farm. The letting it is
+part of my business here, but I did not know of this man's dissent. Your
+correspondence has done good service."
+
+"I am sure it is my great delight," said Marian; "I do not know what I
+should do without hearing from Agnes. I think I have learnt to prize her
+more since I have known other people."
+
+"You don't find the Miss Lyddells quite as formidable as you expected
+though?" said Edmund; "the eldest has a nice open, countenance."
+
+"We get on very well," said Marian. "Caroline is so good-tempered and
+clever, and Lionel is delightful."
+
+"O, Edmund," interposed Gerald, "Lionel and I had such fun the other
+day. We caught the old donkey and blindfolded it with our handkerchiefs,
+and let it loose, and if you could but have seen how it kicked up its
+heels----"
+
+They went on with the history of adventures of the same description,
+enjoying themselves exceedingly, and when Marian went in, she was much
+pleased to find how favourable an impression Edmund had made on her
+companions, although some of their commendations greatly surprised her;
+Miss Morley pronouncing that he had in the greatest degree an _air
+distingue_, and was a remarkably fashionable young man. Marian could
+endure the _air distingue_, but could hardly swallow the fashionable
+young man, an expression which only conveyed to her mind the idea of
+Elliot Lyddell and his moustached friends. However, she knew it was
+meant for high praise, and her present amiable fit was strong enough to
+prevent her from taking it as an insult.
+
+The next day was Sunday, and she provokingly missed Edmund three times,
+in the walks to and from church, he being monopolized by "some stupid
+person," who had far less right to him than she had; but at last,
+when she had been completely worried and vexed with her succession of
+disappointments, and had come into what Lionel would have emphatically
+called "a state of mind," Edmund contrived to come to her before going
+in doors, and asked if she could not take a few turns with him on the
+terrace. She came gladly, and yet hardly with full delight, for the
+irritation of the continually recurring disappointments through the
+whole day, still had its influence on her spirits, and she did not at
+first speak. "Where is Gerald?" asked Edmund.
+
+"I don't know; somewhere with the boys," said Marian, disconsolately.
+
+"Well, why not?" said Edmund laughing.
+
+"I don't know," said Marian.
+
+"That is a meditative 'I don't know,' which conveys more than meets the
+ear."
+
+"I don't know whether----; I mean I don't think it does Gerald any
+good."
+
+"It?--what?"
+
+"I don't know," repeated Marian in a tone which to any one else would
+have appeared sullen.
+
+"I should like to arrive at your meaning, Marian. Are you not happy
+about Gerald!"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian; but Edmund, convinced that all was not
+right, was resolved to penetrate these determined professions of
+ignorance.
+
+"Is Gerald under Miss Morley?" he asked.
+
+"Yes, during most of the day. They all say he is very good."
+
+"And does not that satisfy you?"
+
+"I don't know."
+
+Edmund perceived that the subject of her brother was too near her heart
+to be easily approached, and resolved to change his tone.
+
+"How have you been getting on?" he asked. "Does learning flourish under
+the present dynasty?"
+
+"I don't know," replied Marian for the seventh time, but she did not as
+usual stop there, and continued, "they think one knows nothing unless
+one has learnt all manner of dates, and latitudes, and such things. Not
+one of them knew Orion when they saw him in the sky, and yet even Clara
+thought me dreadfully stupid because I could not find out on the globe
+the altitude of Beta in Serpentarius, at New Orleans, at three o'clock
+in the morning."
+
+Edmund could not help laughing at her half-complaining, half-humorous
+tone, and this encouraged her to proceed.
+
+"In history they don't care whether a man is good or bad; they only care
+when he lived. O Edmund, the lists of names and dates, kings and Roman
+emperors----."
+
+"Metals, semi-metals, and distinguished philosophers," said Edmund; and
+Marian, who in days of old had read "Mansfield Park," laughed as she
+used to do at home.
+
+"Exactly," said she, "O, Edmund, it is very different learning from what
+it used to be. All lesson and no thinking, no explaining, no letting one
+make out more about the interesting places. I wanted the other day to
+look out in some history book to find whether Rinaldo in Tasso was a
+real man, but nobody would care about it; and as to the books, all the
+real good _grown-up_ ones are down in Mr. Lyddell's library, where no
+one can get at them."
+
+"Does not Miss Lyddell enter into these things?"
+
+"O yes, Caroline does, a great deal more than Miss Morley; but I don't
+know--I never can get on with Caroline----."
+
+Marian had now gone on to the moment when her heart was ready to be
+open, and the whole story, so long laid up for Edmund, began to be
+poured forth; while he, anxious to hear all, and more sympathizing than
+he was willing to show himself, only put in a word or two here and
+there, so as to sustain the narration. Everything was told, how Clara
+was frivolous and wearisome; how Caroline was cold, incomprehensible,
+and unsympathetic; how unjust and weak Miss Morley was; how sharp,
+hasty, and unmotherly she found Mrs. Lyddell; and then, growing more
+eager, Marian, with tears springing to her eyes, told of the harm the
+influence of Oakworthy was doing Gerald; his love of the stables, and
+Saunders' opinion of the company he was likely to meet there. This led
+her to more of Saunders' communications about the general arrangement
+of the house, and the want of really earnest care for what is right;
+further still to what Saunders had told of Elliot and his ways, which
+were such as to shock her excessively, and yet she had herself heard Mr.
+Lyddell say that he was a fine spirited fellow!
+
+Edmund was not sorry to find that he had but small space in which to
+give the reply for which Marian was eagerly looking. He avoided the main
+subject, and spoke directly to a point on which his little cousin was
+certainly wrong. "Well, Marian, who would have thought of your taking to
+gossiping with servants?" Then, as she looked down, too much ashamed to
+speak, he added, "I suppose poor Saunders has not sought for charms at
+Oakworthy any more than you have."
+
+"Indeed I do not think I tried to make the worst of it when I came."
+
+"Is that a confession that you are doing so now?"
+
+"I do not know."
+
+"Then let us see if you will give the same account to-morrow; I shall
+ask you whenever I see you particularly amiable. And now I think I have
+kept you out quite late enough."
+
+The next day was very pleasant, bright, and frosty; Marian, from having
+relieved her heart, felt more free and happy, and her lessons went off
+quickly and smoothly. All went well, even though Edmund was obliged to
+go and call on a friend at Salisbury instead of coming to walk with her.
+Her walk with Miss Morley and her cousins was prosperous and pleasant;
+the boys ran races, and Marian and Clara were allowed to join them
+without a remonstrance. Marian was running and laughing most joyously,
+when she was stopped by hearing a horse's feet near her, and looking
+round saw Edmund returning from his ride. "May I keep her out a little
+longer?" said he to Miss Morley, as he jumped off his horse, and Marian
+came to his side. Miss Morley returned a ready assent, and after
+disposing of the horse, the two cousins walked on happily together, she
+telling him some pleasant histories of Gerald and the other little boys,
+and lamenting the loss that Lionel would be when he went to school.
+After they had talked over Salisbury Cathedral, and Marian had heard
+with great interest of Edmund's late employments in Scotland, and all
+he was to do and see in Africa, and saying much about that never-ending
+subject, Fern Torr, Edmund thought her so cheerful that he said, "Well,
+may I venture to ask your opinion of the people here?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, who was so much ashamed of the accusation
+of gossiping with Saunders as to be willing to pass over all that had
+been founded on her information, "perhaps I did say too much yesterday,
+and yet I do not know I am sure I should never have chosen them for
+friends."
+
+"Perhaps they would return that compliment."
+
+"Then you really think it is my own fault?"
+
+"No;" (Edmund tried hard to prevent his "no" from being too emphatic,
+and forced himself to go on thus) "I do not suppose it is entirely your
+fault, but at the same time you do not strike me as a person likely to
+make friends easily."
+
+"O, Edmund, I could never bring myself to kiss, and say 'dearest' and
+'darling,' and all that, like Clara."
+
+"There is the thing," said Edmund; "not that it is wrong to dislike
+it, not that I could ever imagine your doing any thing like it;" and,
+indeed, the idea seemed so preposterous, that both the cousins
+laughed; "but the disposition is not one likely to be over and above
+prepossessing to strangers."
+
+"You mean that I am disagreeable?"
+
+"No, far from it. I only mean that you are chilly, and make almost all
+who come near you the same towards you."
+
+"I cannot help it," said Marian.
+
+"Yes, you could in time, if you did not fairly freeze yourself by
+constant dwelling on their worst points. Make the best of them with all
+your might, and you will soon learn to like them better."
+
+"But if the things are so, Edmund, how can I see them otherwise?"
+
+"Don't look out for them, and be glad of every excuse for disliking the
+people. Don't fancy harshness and unkindness where no one intends it. I
+am quite sure that Mr. Lyddell wishes to give you every advantage, and
+that Mrs. Lyddell thinks she treats you like her own child."
+
+"I don't think I should like to be her own child," said Marian. "It is
+true that she is the same with me as with them, but--"
+
+"Poor Marian," said Edmund, kindly, "you have been used to such
+gentleness at home, that no wonder the world seems hard and unkind to
+you. But I did not mean to make you cry; you know you must rough it, and
+bravely too."
+
+"Never mind my crying," said Marian, struggling to speak; "it is
+nothing, but I cannot help it. It is so very long since any one has
+known what I meant."
+
+Edmund could not trust himself to speak, so full was he of affectionate
+compassion for her, and of indignation against the Lyddells, when these
+few words revealed to him all her loneliness; and they walked on for a
+considerable distance in silence, till, with a sudden change of tone, he
+asked if she had had any riding since she came to Oakworthy.
+
+"O no, I have not been on horseback once. What a treat a good canter on
+Mayflower would be!"
+
+"I suspect one victory over her would put you in spirits to be amiable
+for a month," said Edmund.
+
+"Dear old Mayflower!" said Marian. "How delightful that day was when she
+first came home, and we took that very long ride to the Eastcombe!"
+
+Edmund and Marian fell into a line of reminiscences which enlivened them
+both, and she went in-doors in a cheerful mood, while he seriously took
+the riding into consideration; knowing, as he did, that her mother had
+thought a great deal of out-of-door exercise desirable for her, and
+guessing that her want of spirits might very probably arise from want of
+the air and freedom to which she had always been accustomed. The result
+of his meditations was, that the next morning she was delighted by
+Gerald's rushing into the school-room, calling out, "Put on your habit,
+Marian; make haste and put on your habit. You are to have my pony, and
+I am to have Lionel's, and Edmund is to have Sorell, and we are all to
+ride together to Chalk Down!"
+
+How fast Marian obeyed the summons may well be believed; and though
+Gerald's pony was not comparable to Mayflower, it was much to feel
+herself again in the saddle, with the fresh wind breathing on her
+checks, and Edmund by her side. Par and joyously did they ride; so far,
+that Gerald was tired into unusual sleepiness all the evening; but
+Marian was but the fresher and brighter, full of life and merriment,
+which quite surprised her cousins.
+
+But visits, alas! are fleeting things, and Edmund's last day at
+Oakworthy came only too soon. Precious as it was, it was for the most
+part devoted to business with Mr. Lyddell, though he sent Marian a
+message that he hoped for a walk with her and her brother in the
+afternoon.
+
+The hour came, but not the man; and while Caroline and Clara went out
+with Miss Morley, Marian sat down with a book to wait for him. In about
+an hour's time the boys came to tell her they were going to the pond
+with Walter.
+
+"O Gerald, won't you wait for Edmund?"
+
+"I have waited till I am tired. I cannot stay in this whole afternoon,
+and I do not think he will come this age."
+
+"He is shut up in the study with papa," said Lionel; "I heard their
+voices very loud, as if they were in _such_ a rage."
+
+"I wish I could see them," said Johnny, "it would be such fun."
+
+Away ran the boys, leaving Marian in a state of wonder and anxiety, but
+still confident that Edmund would not forget her. She put on her walking
+dress, and sat down to her book again, but still she was left to wait.
+The winter twilight commenced, and still no Edmund; steps approached,
+but not the right ones; and in came the walking party, with a general
+exclamation of "Poor Marian! what, still waiting?" Miss Morley advised
+her to take a few turns on the terrace, instead of practising that
+horrid Mozart. Marian disconsolately went down stairs, looking wistfully
+at the library door as she went past it, and, at a funeral pace,
+promenaded along the terrace. As she passed beneath the window of
+Caroline's room, a head was popped out, and a voice sang--
+
+  "So, sir, you're come at last, I thought you'd come no more,
+  I've waited with my bonnet on from one till half-past four!
+  You know I sit alone--"
+
+At that moment, Edmund himself was seen advancing from the door; the
+song ended in a scream of laughter and dismay, and the window was
+hastily shut. Edmund smiled a little, but very little, and said, "True
+enough, I am afraid I have used you very ill."
+
+"Tiresome affairs," said Marian, looking up into his harassed face. "I
+hope they have not made your head ache?"
+
+"I have been worried, but it is not the fault of the affairs, I wish you
+had not lost your walk," added he abruptly, beginning to stride on so
+fast that she could scarcely keep up with him, and apparently forgetting
+her presence entirely in his own engrossing thoughts. She watched him
+intently as she toiled to keep by his side, longing, but not daring,
+to inquire what was the matter. At last he broke out into a muttered
+exclamation, "destitute of all principle! all labour in vain!"
+
+"What--how--Mr. Lyddell?"
+
+"This whole day have I been at it, trying to bring him to reason about
+that farm!"
+
+"What? Did he wish the Dissenter to have it?"
+
+"He saw no objection--treated all I said as the merest moonshine!"
+
+"What? all the annoyance to the Wortleys, and the mischief to the poor
+people!" exclaimed Marian, "Why, we should have a meeting-house!"
+
+"Nothing more likely, in the Manor field, and fifty pounds
+subscribed--all for the sake of toleration and Gerald's interests."
+
+"You don't mean that he has done it?" said Marian, alarmed, and not
+quite understanding Edmund's tone of irony, "Cannot you prevent it?"
+
+"I have prevented It; I said that, with my knowledge of my uncle's
+intentions, I could never feel justified in consenting to sign the
+lease."
+
+"And that puts a stop to it? Oh, I am very glad. But I suppose he was
+very angry?"
+
+"I never saw a man more so. He said he had no notion of sacrificing
+Gerald's interest to party feeling."
+
+"How could it be for Gerald's interest to bring Dissenters to Fern Torr?
+I am sure it would be very disagreeable. I thought it, was quite wrong
+to have any dealings with them."
+
+"He has been popularity-hunting too long to have many scruples on that
+score."
+
+Marian could not help triumphing. "Well, Edmund, I am glad you have come
+to my opinion at last. I knew you would not like the Lyddells when you
+knew them better."
+
+"I never was much smitten with them," said Edmund, abruptly, as if
+affronted at the imputation of having liked them.
+
+"But Edmund," cried Marian, standing still in the extremity of her
+amazement, "what have you been about all this time? Have you not been
+telling me it is all my own fault that I do not get on with them?"
+
+He was silent for a little while; and then turning round half-way,
+as people do when much diverted, he broke out into a hearty fit of
+laughter. "It is plain," said he, at last, "that nature never designed
+me for a young lady's counsellor."
+
+"What do you mean, Edmund?"
+
+"I suspect I have done mischief," said Edmund, after a little
+consideration, "and I believe all that remains to be done is to tell you
+all, and come down from my character of Mentor, which certainly I have
+not fulfilled particularly well."
+
+"I am sure I do not understand you," said Marian.
+
+"Well, then," said Edmund, speaking in a more free and unembarrassed
+tone than he had used since he had been at Oakworthy, "this is the fact
+of the matter, as Mrs. Cornthwayte would say, Marian. I always thought
+it very unlucky that you were obliged to live here; but as it could not
+be helped, and I really knew nothing against the Lyddells, there was no
+use in honing and moaning about it beforehand, so I tried to make the
+best of it. Well, I came here, and found things as bad as I expected,
+and was very glad to find you steady in the principles we learnt at
+home. Still, I thought you deficient in kindly feeling towards them, and
+inclined to give way to repining and discontent, and I think you allowed
+I was not far wrong. To-day, I must allow, I was off my guard, and have
+made a complete mess of all my prudence."
+
+"O, I am very glad of it," said Marian. "I understand you now, and you
+are much more like yourself."
+
+"Yes, it was a very unsuccessful attempt," said Edmund, again laughing
+at himself, "and I am very glad it is over; for I have been obliged to
+be the high and mighty guardian all this time, and I am very tired of
+it;" and he yawned.
+
+"Then you don't like them any better than I do," repeated Marian, in a
+tone of heartfelt satisfaction.
+
+"Stop, stop, stop; don't think that cousin Edmund means to give you
+leave to begin hating them."
+
+"Hating them? O no! but now you will tell me what I ought to do, since
+there is no possibility of getting away from them."
+
+"No, there is no possibility," said Edmund, considering; "I could not
+ask the Marchmonts again, though they did make the offer in the first
+fulness of their hearts. Besides, there are objections; I should not
+feel satisfied to trust you to so giddy a head as Selina's. No, Marian,
+it cannot be helped; so let us come to an understanding about these same
+Lyddells."
+
+"Well, then, why is it that we do not do better? I know there are faults
+on my side; but what are the faults on theirs?"
+
+"Marian, I believe the fault to be that they do not look beyond this
+present life," said Edmund, in a grave, low tone.
+
+Marian thought a little while, and then said, "Caroline does, but I see
+what you mean with the others."
+
+"Then your conduct should be a witness of your better principles," said
+Edmund. "You may stand on very high ground, and it entirely depends
+on yourself whether you maintain that position, or sink down to their
+level."
+
+"O, but that is awful!" cried Marian; and then in a tone of still
+greater dismay, "and Gerald? O, Edmund, what is to become of him?"
+
+"I must trust him to you, Marian."
+
+"To me!"
+
+"You have great influence over him, and that, rightly used, may be his
+safeguard. Many a man has owed everything to a sister's influence."
+Then, as Marian's eye glistened with somewhat of tender joy and yet of
+fear, he went on, "But take care; if you deteriorate, he will be in
+great danger; and, on the other hand, beware of obstinacy and rigidity
+in trifles--you know what I mean--which might make goodness distasteful
+to him."
+
+"O, worse and worse, Edmund! What is to be done? If I can do him so much
+harm, I know I can do him very little good; and what will it be when he
+is older, and will depend less on what I say?"
+
+"He will always depend more on what you _do_ than on what you say."
+
+"But what can I do? all the schoolboy temptations that I know nothing
+about. And Elliot--O, Edmund! think of Elliot, and say if it is not
+dreadful that Mr. Lyddell should have the management of our own Gerald?
+Papa never could have known--"
+
+"I think, while he is still so young, that there is not much harm to be
+apprehended from that quarter," said Edmund; "afterwards, I believe
+I may promise you that he shall not be left entirely to Oakworthy
+training."
+
+"And," said Marian, "could you not make him promise to keep away from
+the stables? Those men--and their language--could you not, Edmund?"
+
+"I could, but I would not," said Edmund. "I had rather that, if
+he transgresses, he should not break his word as well as run into
+temptation. There is no such moral crime in going down to the stables,
+as should make us willing to oblige him to take a vow against it."
+
+"Would it not keep him out of temptation?"
+
+"Only by substituting another temptation," said Edmund. "No, Marian; a
+boy must be governed by principles, and not by promises."
+
+"Principles--people are always talking of them, but I don't half
+understand what they are," said Marian.
+
+"The Creed and the Ten Commandments are what I call principles," said
+Edmund.
+
+"But those are promises, Edmund."
+
+"You are right, Marian; but they are not promises to man."
+
+"I could do better if I had any one to watch me, or care about me," said
+Marian.
+
+Edmund's face was full of sadness. "We--I mean you, are alone indeed,
+Marian; but, depend upon it, it is for the best. We might be tempted not
+to look high enough, and you have to take heed to yourself for Gerald's
+sake."
+
+"I do just sometimes feel as I ought," said Marian; "but it is by fits
+and starts. O, Edmund, I would give anything that you were not going."
+
+"It is too late now," said Edmund, "and there are many reasons which
+convince me that I ought not to exchange. In a year or two, when I have
+my promotion, I hope to return, and then, Marian, I shall find you a
+finished young lady."
+
+Marian shuddered.
+
+"Poor child," said Edmund, laughing.
+
+"And you are going home," said Marian, enviously.
+
+"Home, yes," said Edmund, in a tone which seemed as if he did not think
+himself an object of envy.
+
+"Yes, the hills and woods," said Marian, "and the Wortleys."
+
+"Yes, I am very glad to go," said Edmund. "Certainly even the being
+hackneyed cannot spoil the beauty or the force of those lines of
+Gray's."
+
+"What, you mean, 'Ah! happy hills; ah! pleasing shade?'"
+
+"Yes," said Edmund, sighing and musing for some minutes before he again
+spoke, and then it was very earnestly. "Marian, you must not go wrong,
+Gerald must not--with such parents as yours----." Marian did not answer,
+for she could not; and presently he added, "It does seem strange that
+such care as my uncle's should have been given to me, and then his own
+boy left thus. But, Marian, you must watch him, you must guard him. If
+you are in real difficulty or doubt how to act, you have the Wortleys;
+and if you see anything about which you are seriously uneasy with regard
+to him, write to me, and I will do my utmost, little as that is."
+
+"Yes, yes, I am glad to be sure of it," said Marian.
+
+"Well, I am glad to have had this talk," said Edmund. "I did you
+injustice, Marian; you are fit to be treated as a friend: but you must
+forgive me, for it cost me a good deal to try to be wise with you."
+
+"I think you have seemed much wiser since you left it off," said Marian,
+"Somehow, though I was glad to hear you, it did not comfort me or set me
+to rights before."
+
+Edmund and Marian could have gone on for hours longer, but it was
+already quite dark; and the sound of Elliot's whistle approaching
+warned them that one was coming who would little understand their
+friendship,--why the soldier should loiter with the little girl, or why
+the young girl should cling to the side of her elder cousin. They went
+in-doors, and hastened different ways; they saw each other again, but
+only in full assembly of the rest of the family. And at last, soon after
+breakfast the nest morning, Marian stood in the hall, watching Edmund
+drive from the door; and while her face was cold, pale, and still as
+ever, her heart throbbed violently, and her throat felt as if she was
+ready to choke. She heard of him at Fern Torr, she heard of him at
+Portsmouth, she heard of his embarkation; and many and many a lonely
+moment was filled up with tears of storm and tempest; of fever and
+climate, of the lion and of the Caffre.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+  "Child of the town! for thee, alas!
+  Glad nature spreads nor tree or grass;
+  Birds build no nests, nor in the sun
+  Glad streams come singing as they run.
+  Thy paths are paved for five long miles,
+  Thy groves and hills are peaks and tiles,
+  Thy fragrant air is yon thick smoke,
+  Which shrouds thee like a mourning cloak."
+
+  ALAN CUNNINGHAM.
+
+
+And so Edmund was gone! But he had bequeathed to Marian a purpose and
+an object, which gave her a spirit to try hard and feel out a way for
+herself in this confused tangle of a world around, her. She was happier,
+though perhaps more anxious; for now it was not mere vague dislike and
+discontent, but a clearer perception both of the temptations around and
+of the battle required of her.
+
+In January the whole family went to London, the object of many of
+Marian's terrors. Caroline and Clara were both sorry to go, and the boys
+lamented exceedingly; Lionel saying it was very hard that the last two
+months before his going to school should be spent boxed up there, with
+nothing to do. Indeed the life of the schoolroom party was here more
+monotonous than that at Oakworthy; for besides the constant regularity
+of lessons, there was now no variety in the walks; they only paced round
+the square, or on fine days went as far as the park.
+
+And then there were the masters! Marian was in a state of great fear,
+under the anticipation of her first lessons from them; but the reality
+proved much better than she had expected. To be sure, she disliked the
+dancing with all her heart, and made no great figure in music; but
+people were patient with her, and that was a great comfort; and then she
+thoroughly liked and enjoyed the lessons in languages and in drawing.
+There were further advantages in the London life, upon which she had not
+calculated, for here she was nobody, less noticed than Caroline, seldom
+summoned to see visitors, and, when she went into the drawing-room,
+allowed to remain in the back-ground as much as she pleased; so that,
+though her eye pined for green trees and purple hills, and her ear was
+wearied with the never-ceasing sound of wheels, London so far exceeded
+her expectations, that she wrote to Agnes, that, "if there were no
+smoke, and no fog, and no streets, and no people, there would be no
+great harm in it, especially if there was anything for the boys to do."
+
+The boys were certainly to be pitied; in a house smaller than Oakworthy,
+and without the occupations out of doors to which they had been
+accustomed, edicts of silence were more ineffectual than ever, and yawns
+became painfully frequent. Every one's temper fell into an uncomfortable
+state of annoyance and irritation; Miss Morley, instead of her usual
+quiet, piteous way of reproving, was fretful; Caroline was sharp; Clara
+sometimes rude like the boys, sometimes cross with them; even Marian
+was now and then tormented into a loss of temper, when there was no
+obtaining the quiet which she, more than the others, needed in order to
+learn a lesson properly. Each day Lionel grew more unruly, chiefly from
+the want of occupation, leading the other two along with him; and each
+day the female portion of the party grew more inclined to fretfulness,
+as they felt their own helplessness. It even came to consultations
+between Miss Morley and Caroline whether they must not really tell of
+the boys: but the evil day was always put off till "next time."
+
+Gerald was riotous when Lionel and John made him so, but not often on
+his own account; and he had more resources of his own than they had. His
+drawing was a great amusement to him, though rather in a perverse way;
+for he would not be induced to take lessons of the master, seldom drew
+at the right time, or in the right place, and frequently in the wrong
+ones.
+
+"I never can learn except when I am drawing," he said, and his slate
+was often so filled with designs, that the sums were jostled into the
+narrowest possible space, while his Latin grammar was similarly adorned.
+There sat the Muse in full beauty, enthroned upon Parnassus, close to
+_musa musae; magister_ had a wig, and _dominus_ a great rod; while the
+extraordinary physiognomies round _facies faciei_ would have been worthy
+of any collection of caricatures. Moreover the illustrations of the verb
+_amo_ commemorated the gentleman who was married on Sunday, killed his
+wife on Wednesday, and at the preter-pluperfect tense was hanged on
+Saturday. Other devices were scattered along the margin, and peeped out
+of every nook--old men's heads, dogs, hunters, knights, omnibuses; and
+the habit of drawing so grew upon him, that when he was going to read
+any book where scribbling was insufferable, Marian generally took the
+precaution of putting all pencils out of reach.
+
+She often warned him to take care of the school-room Atlas; but, incited
+by Lionel, he could not resist the temptation of putting a pipe in the
+mouth of the Britannia who sat in a corner of the map of England. This
+pipe she carefully rubbed out, but not till it had received from the
+others a sort of applause which he took as encouragement to repeat the
+offence; and when next Marian looked at Britannia, she found the pipe
+restored, and a cocked hat on the lion's head. Again there was much
+merriment; and though Miss Morley, more than once, told Gerald this
+would never do, and he really must not, she could not help laughing so
+much, that he never quite believed her to be in earnest, and proceeded
+to people the world with inhabitants by no means proportioned to the
+size of their countries. John-o'-Groat and his seven brothers took
+possession of their house, Turks paraded in the Mediterranean, and in
+the large empty space in the heart of Africa, Baron Munchausen caused
+the lion to leap down the crocodile's throat.
+
+It was about this time that Marian was one day summoned to the
+drawing-room at an unusual time, and found Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell both
+there looking exceedingly gracious. "Here is a present for you, Marian,"
+said the former, putting into her hands a large thin parcel.
+
+"For me! O thank you!" said Marian, too much surprised and embarrassed
+to make much of her thanks; nor did her wonder diminish as, unfolding
+the paper, she beheld a blue watered silk binding, richly embossed, with
+the title of "The Wreath of Beauty," and soon there lay before her, in
+all the smoothness of India paper and mezzotint, a portrait, beneath
+which she read the name of Selina, Viscountess Marchmont.
+
+"Selina!" repeated she, in the extremity of her amazement.
+
+"Yes," said Mr. Lyddell, resting there in expectation of renewed and
+eager acknowledgements; but all he received was this--"Can that be
+Selina?"
+
+"It is said to be a very good likeness," said Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"O!" cried Marian, and there she checked herself.
+
+"Mr. Lyddell was quite struck with the resemblance to you," added Mrs.
+Lyddell.
+
+The astonishment of Marian's glance was greater than ever, but here
+she bethought herself that Mr. Lyddell had intended to give her great
+pleasure, and that she was very ungrateful; whereupon the room seemed to
+swim round with her in her embarrassment, and with a great effort she
+stammered out something about his being very kind, and her being very
+much obliged to him; and then, perceiving that she ought to add more, in
+order to satisfy that judge of politeness, Mrs. Lyddell, she said that
+it was a long time since she had seen Lady Marchmont, and that she could
+not so well judge of the likeness; and then she bore it away to sigh and
+wonder over it unrestrainedly with Gerald.
+
+No wonder the Lyddells were surprised, for Lady Marchmont's portrait was
+incomparably the most beautiful in the book; the classical regularity of
+the features, the perfect form of nose and chin, the lovely lip, and the
+undulating line of the hair, all were exquisite; the turn of the long
+neck, the _pose_ of the tall graceful figure, and the simple elegance
+of the dress, were such as to call for great admiration. But all that
+Marian saw was an affectation in that twisted position,--a straining
+round of the eyes, and a kind of determination at archness of expression
+in the mouth. Where was the merry, artless, sweet-looking Selina she
+remembered, whose yet unformed though very pretty features had faded
+from her memory, and left only the lively, good-natured expression
+which, here she sought in vain?
+
+"O Selina, Selina, can you be like this'?" exclaimed she; "and to think
+of their saying I am like it! I am sure I hope one is as true as the
+other."
+
+Gerald drew his face into a horrible caricature of the expression in the
+portrait, and set his sister laughing.
+
+"I hope I shall never see her If she has grown like it," said she,
+sighing.
+
+"I should take the stick to her if she was," said Gerald.
+
+"I am afraid it must be too true," said Marian, "or she would never
+allow herself to be posted up in this absurd way. I wonder Lord
+Marchmont allows it!"
+
+"I'll tell you, Marian," said the sympathising Gerald, "if I had ten
+beauties for my wife--"
+
+"Ten beauties! O, Gerald!"
+
+"Well, one ten times as beautiful as Selina, I mean; I would cure her of
+vanity well; for I would tell her that, if she chose to have her picture
+drawn in this Book of Beauty, it should only be with a ring through her
+nose, and two stars tattooed on her cheeks."
+
+"And a very good plan too," said Marian, laughing; "but I am afraid
+poor Selina cannot be in such good hands. See, here are the impertinent
+people writing verses about her, as if they had any business to ask
+her what she is thinking about. Listen, Gerald; did you ever hear such
+stuff?"
+
+  "Lady, why that radiant smile,
+  Matching with that pensive brow,
+  Like sunbeams on some mountain pile
+  Glowing on solemn heights of snow?
+
+  "Lady, why that glance of thought,
+  Joined to that arch lip of mirth,
+  Like shade by fleecy cloudlet brought
+  Over some paradise of earth?
+
+  "Yea, thou may'st smile, the world for thee
+  Is opening all its fairest bowers;
+  Yet in that earnest face I see
+  These may not claim thy dearest hours.
+
+  "But for thy brow, thy smile we deem
+  The gladsome mirth of fairy sprite;
+  But for thy smile, thy mien would seem
+  Some angel's from the world of light.
+
+  "Yet laughing lip and thoughtful brow
+  Are depths and gleams of mortal life;
+  Angel and fay, of us art thou,
+  Then art a woman and a wife!"
+
+"What would they have her to be? a husband?" said Gerald.
+
+Here Caroline and Clara came hastily in, eager to see the portrait and
+read the verses, and very far were they from being able to imagine why
+she did not like the portrait. Caroline owned that there might be a
+little affectation, but she thought the beauty very considerable; and as
+to Clara, she was in raptures, saying she never _did_ see any one half
+so lovely. And as to the verses, they were the sweetest things she
+ever read; and she carried them off to show to Miss Morley, who fully
+sympathised with her. Marian found no one to share her opinion but
+Gerald and Lionel, and their criticisms were unsparingly extended to
+Lady Marchmont's features, as well as her expression, "Such mincing
+lips! such untidy hair! Hollo! who has given her a black eye?" till they
+had not left her a single beauty.
+
+Marian hoped the subject was quite forgotten, when she had hidden
+away the book under all her others: but the nest time there was a
+dinner-party, Mrs. Lyddell desired her to fetch it, to show to some one
+who knew Lady Marchmont. She took it up stairs again us soon as she
+could, but again and again was she obliged to bring it, and condemned to
+hear it talked over and admired. One day when she was going wearily and
+reluctantly up stairs, she was arrested by a call from Lionel, who
+was creeping up outside the balusters in a fashion which had no
+recommendation but its extreme difficulty and danger.
+
+"Eh, Marian, what, going after beauty again?"
+
+"I wish it was Beauty and the Beast," said Marian, disconsolately.
+"There are different tastes in the world, that is certain; but don't
+break that neck of yours, Lionel."
+
+Lionel replied by letting go with one hand and brandishing that and his
+foot over the giddy space below. Marian frowned and squeezed up her
+lips, but did not speak till it pleased him to draw himself in again,
+and throw himself over the balusters before her, saying, "That is a
+reward for you, Marian; Clara would have screeched."
+
+The next time Marian was desired to fetch the book, it was for a morning
+visitor,--a broad, stately, pompous old lady, who had had the pleasure
+of meeting Lady Marchmont, and thought Miss Arundel very like her.
+
+"Are you going after beauty?" said Lionel, again meeting Marian on the
+stairs.
+
+"Yes," said Marian, with a sigh.
+
+"Well, I hope she will be pleased, that's all," said Lionel.
+
+Marian thought there was a meaning in this speech, but she was in haste,
+and without considering it, ran down stairs again. As she was opening
+the drawing-room door, she saw Gerald on the top of the stairs, calling
+to her, "Marian, have you that book? O, wait--"
+
+"I cannot come now, Gerald," said she, entering the room, and shutting
+the door after her. She laid the book on the table, and the page was
+opened.
+
+"O beautiful!" exclaimed the old lady, "How exact a likeness!"
+
+"Why, Marian!" broke involuntarily from Mrs. Lyddell, and Marian,
+looking at the print, could, in spite of her dismay, hardly keep from
+laughing; for the elegant Lady Marchmont now appeared decorated with a
+huge pair of mustachios, an elaborate jewelled ring in the nose, and a
+wavy star on each cheek, and in the middle of the forehead; while over
+the balustrade on which she was leaning there peeped a monster with
+grotesque eyes, a pair of twisted horns, a parrot's beak, vulture's
+claws, and a scaly tail stretching away in complicated spires far into
+the distance. No one could for a moment doubt that this was Gerald's
+work, and Marian felt sure that he had been thereto incited by Lionel.
+Extreme was her consternation at the thought of the displeasure which he
+had incurred; but in the mean time there was something very amusing
+in the sight of the old lady beginning to perceive that something was
+wrong, and yet not able to make it out, and not choosing to own her
+difficulties. Mrs. Lyddell, though vexed and angry, carried it off very
+well. "Ah! some mischief of the boys," said she, decidedly. "I am afraid
+it is not fit to be seen." And so saying, she closed the book, and
+changed the conversation.
+
+As soon as the visitor had taken leave, the scene was changed; Mrs.
+Lyddell walked hastily to the table, threw open the book, and began to
+examine into the degree of damage it had suffered. "I suppose you know
+nothing of this, Marian?" said she, surveying her with one of her
+quickest and most formidable glances.
+
+"O no," said Marian; "I am sure I am very sorry."
+
+"Well, I must inquire about it," said Mrs. Lyddell, taking up the
+book, and hastening towards the school-room, followed by poor Marian,
+trembling with all her heart for her brother, and somewhat for Lionel,
+even though she could not help being angry with him for having got
+Gerald into such a scrape.
+
+There stood the boys, looking partly exulting, partly frightened; Lionel
+a little more of the first, Gerald a little more of the second; for
+this was Gerald's first desperate piece of mischief, whereas Lionel had
+survived many such. Besides, Gerald's handiwork was too evident to be
+mistaken, while his companion's part in the folly could be known to no
+one; and though it might be guessed at by Marian, Lionel thought she
+might be trusted.
+
+The book was spread upon the table, and the expressions of horror from
+the three ladies of the school-room were as strong as could reasonably
+be expected.
+
+"Indeed," pleaded Miss Morley, in her deplorable tone, "I am continually
+ordering Sir Gerald not to scribble in books, but he never will obey."
+
+"That is not true!" cried Gerald, in a loud, startling voice.
+
+"Gerald," said Mrs. Lyddell, "that is no proper manner of speaking; you
+have behaved very ill already--do not add to your fault. Before any more
+is said, beg Miss Morley's pardon."
+
+There was a silence, and she repeated, "I desire that you will ask Miss
+Morley's pardon directly--still silent? what is the meaning of this?"
+
+Gerald stood bolt upright, and very rigid; poor Marian glancing
+appealingly, first at him, then at Mrs. Lyddell, then at Miss Morley,
+all equally without effect. She saw it all--that he might have been
+brought to own that be had done wrong about this individual case; but
+that the sweeping accusation of disobeying orders, which, as they all
+knew, were never given with anything like decision, had roused a proud,
+determined sense of injustice, and that he was ready to suffer anything
+rather than apologise. She was wild to speak, to do something; yet what
+could she attempt?
+
+Mrs. Lyddell would not begin upon the book-scribbling subject till she
+had conquered the spirit of defiance, and continued to insist on his
+begging Miss Morley's pardon; but the more she ordered, the more
+determined he grew. There he stood, his proud, dark eye fixed on a
+picture on the wall, his lip curled with a sort of disdain, and an
+expression in his whole motionless figure that, had his cause but been
+good, would have been resolution, whereas it now was only indomitable
+self-will and pride.
+
+At any rate, it was an expression that showed that he was not to be
+conquered by woman, though he might have been won over by her: and Mrs.
+Lyddell had tact enough to give up the battle without owning herself
+defeated, and without further discussion said, "Go to your own room,
+Gerald; I shall give you time to reflect and get the better of your
+obstinacy. You may come here again when you are ready to ask Miss Morley
+to forgive you for your very improper conduct towards her."
+
+Without turning to the right or left,--without one look towards his
+sister, Gerald walked out of the room, and even shut the door after him
+gently. Poor Marian, who could guess all that she felt?
+
+"This is very extraordinary," said Mrs. Lyddell, "so well-behaved a boy
+as he is in general."
+
+"Ah! boys of his age always get quite beyond ladies' management," said
+Miss Morley.
+
+"Such determined obstinacy!" said Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"Perhaps he did not understand you," said Marian, unable to keep from
+saying something, though she could not in her agitation think of
+anything to the purpose.
+
+"Understand? that is nonsense, Marian. What was there to understand?
+He spoke very improperly, find I desire him to apologise; and if he is
+obstinate, it is very wrong of you to defend him."
+
+Marian was silenced, though her heart was swelling and her temples
+throbbing. In another minute Mrs. Lyddell was summoned to some more
+company, and Marian had nothing worse to hear than her companions'
+commiseration for the book, and declarations that India rubber would do
+it no good.
+
+The afternoon passed away, and nothing was heard of Gerald: indeed,
+Marian understood him well enough to expect that nothing would be heard.
+As she was on her way to her own room, looking wistfully at his door,
+Lionel overtook her; and thumping her hard on the back, exclaimed,
+"Isn't it a jolly beast, Marian?"
+
+"O, Lionel, it was very naughty of you. How could you make Gerald behave
+so ill?"
+
+"Never mind, Marian, he will get out of it soon enough. Come, don't be
+savage; we did it all for your good."
+
+"My good! how can you talk such nonsense?"
+
+"Why, I'll bet you anything you like, that mamma will never be for
+having the little beastie down to show the company."
+
+Marian half smiled; it was pleasant to find that, towards her at least,
+the boys' intention had been anything but unkind, but still she hardly
+knew how to be placable with Lionel when he had led her brother into
+mischief, and then left him to bear all the blame.
+
+"It was very wrong," she repeated.
+
+"Come, don't be cross, Marian. You don't mean that you really cared for
+that trumpery picture?"
+
+"I did not care for it so much," said she, "but it was a valuable book,
+and it was very kind of your papa to give it to me, so I was sorry to
+have it spoilt."
+
+"Won't it rub out?" said Lionel.
+
+"No, of course not."
+
+"I thought pencil always did."
+
+"And then, Lionel, why could you not have thought what disgrace you were
+leading Gerald into?"
+
+"You don't think, Marian, I was going to be shabby enough to leave
+Gerald alone in the scrape? No, if I do, I'll give you leave to tell of
+me or do whatever you please; but you see now he is not in disgrace for
+drawing that pretty little beast, but for giving poor unfortunate a bit
+of his mind, so what use would there be in my putting my neck into the
+noose before my time? No, if Gerald is the fellow I take him for, and
+stands out about begging her pardon, the whole business of the book will
+blow over, and we shall hear no more of it."
+
+Marian shook her head. "O, Lionel, if you would only think whether a
+thing is right before you do it!"
+
+"How can you wish me to be so stupid, Marian?"
+
+"I am sure, Lionel, the funniest, merriest people that I know, think
+most about what is right."
+
+"Well, that may do in Devonshire perhaps," said Lionel, stretching
+himself, "but it won't here except with you. Indeed there is nobody else
+that I know of that does make such a fuss about right and wrong, except
+Walter, and he hasn't got an atom of fun to bless himself with."
+
+"But, Lionel, what good will all the fun in the world do us when we come
+to die?" said Marian, whispering.
+
+The boy looked full at her, but would not show that he felt any force
+in her words. "I don't mean to die just yet," he said, and by way of
+escaping from the subject he mounted on the balusters, and was sliding
+down as he had often done before, when by some hitch or some slip he
+lost his balance, and slid down without the power to stop himself.
+Marian thought him gone, and with suspended breath stood, in an agony of
+horror, listening for his fall on the stones of the hall far beneath;
+but the next moment she saw that he had been stopped by the turn of the
+staircase, and the instinct of self-preservation had made him cling fast
+to the rail with both hands, though he was unable to recover his footing
+on the narrow ledge of the steps beyond it. She did not scream or call,
+she ran down to the landing place--how she did it she knew not--but she
+threw her arms round him and succeeded in lifting and dragging him over
+the rail, which was not very high, till he stood on the safe side of the
+balusters, Her heart beat, her head swam, and she was obliged to sit
+down on the step and pant for breath; Lionel leant against the wall,
+for his nerve was not restored for a moment or two, after his really
+frightful peril. Not a word was spoken, and perhaps it was better that
+none should pass between them. Mr. Lyddell's step was heard ascending,
+and they both hurried away as fast as they could.
+
+No one was told of the adventure, it was not Marian's part to speak
+of it, if indeed she _could_ have done so, and it did not appear that
+Lionel chose to mention it. Perhaps it was that he did not like to enter
+upon it seriously, and it had been too much of an answer to his light
+speech to be made a laughing matter. At any rate he was silent, and
+Marian was very glad of it.
+
+Mr. Lyddell was coming up to visit the prisoner and try if he could
+bring him to reason, but it soon transpired that all his attempts had
+been in vain, even though he came to a threat that unless Gerald made
+his submission before the next day was at an end, he should be sent to
+school with Lionel at the end of another fortnight.
+
+Marian's distress increased, she was equally wretched at her brother's
+increasing misbehaviour and at its punishment, It was provoking to see
+Johnny walking about in all the grandeur and self-consequence of being
+quite out of the scrape, and evidently rejoicing that Gerald was in
+it; it was provoking to hear Miss Morley and the girls wondering, even
+Saunders' pity was provoking, and there was nothing that gave her the
+least comfort but the perception that Lionel was certainly graver and
+more subdued.
+
+She was allowed to go to her brother for a little while that evening,
+with some hope that she might prevail with him. She found him leaning
+against the window in the failing light, listlessly watching the horses
+and grooms in the mews, which his high window overlooked. He turned his
+head as she came in, but without speaking, and then looked back at the
+window, till she came up to him, put her arm round his neck and turned
+his face towards her. It was a sullen, dogged countenance, such as she
+had seldom or never seen him wear before.
+
+"Gerald, dear Gerald, what is the meaning of this? You never used to
+behave so?"
+
+"I never was served so before," muttered he.
+
+"You have drawn it on yourself. Why will you not submit and ask her
+pardon?"
+
+"What should I ask pardon for? I said nothing but the truth."
+
+"How can you say so. Gerald? Did you not know that you ought not to
+scribble in books? Can you say that Miss Morley has not often spoken to
+you about the Atlas?"
+
+"If you call 'O Sir Gerald!' and 'O you sad boy,' desiring me in a
+rational way, I don't," said Gerald, imitating the tones, "laughing and
+letting me go on; I thought she liked it."
+
+"Now seriously, Gerald."
+
+"Well, I mean that she did not care. If people tell me a thing they
+should make me mind them."
+
+"You should mind without being made, Gerald.
+
+"I would if I thought them in earnest. But now, Marian, was it not a
+horrid shame of her to speak just as if I had been always disobeying
+her on purpose, making Mrs. Lyddell go into a rage with me for what was
+entirely her own fault?"
+
+"No, no, Gerald, you cannot say it was her fault that you spoilt the
+picture."
+
+"I think she ought to beg my pardon for telling such stories about me,"
+repeated Gerald sullenly.
+
+"Recollect yourself, Gerald, you know she meant that she had put you in
+mind that you ought not; and don't you think that, true or not, your
+speech was very rude?"
+
+"If I was to beg her pardon it would mean that she spoke the truth,
+which she did not, for she never took any pains to prevent me from
+drawing in the map-book, or any where else."
+
+"It would not mean any such thing if you were to say, 'Miss Morley, I
+misunderstood you, and I am sorry I was so rude.' I am sure you must be
+sorry for that, for it was not at all like a gentleman. Will you come
+and say so?"
+
+"You're like the rest," mumbled Gerald, turning his back upon her, and
+sitting like a stock.
+
+"Don't you think it would be the best way? Would it not make you
+happier? O what is the use of being obstinate and disobedient? Think of
+going to school in disgrace. O! Gerald, Gerald, what is to be done?"
+
+Still she spoke with earnest pauses and anxious looks, but without the
+least effect, and at last she said, "Well, Gerald, I must go, and very
+much grieved I am. How would dear mamma like to see her little boy going
+on in this way?"
+
+She went to the door and looked back again there, and beheld Gerald,
+with his hands over his face, striving to suppress a burst of sobbing.
+She sprung to him, and would have thrown her arms round his neck, but he
+pushed her off roughly, and with strong effort, drove back the tears,
+and put on an iron face again. Again she entreated, but he would not
+open his lips or give the least sign of listening, or of attending to
+any persuasion, and she was obliged to leave him at last without hope of
+subduing his obstinacy. How far he was now from being the gentle, good
+child that he once had been! and by whose fault was it? Her spirit
+burned with indignation against those who, as she thought, had worked
+the change, and O! where was the influence from which Edmund hoped so
+much?
+
+The next day was long and miserable, for Gerald gave no sign of
+yielding, but remained shut up in his room, maintaining an absolute
+silence, when, at different times, Mrs. Lyddell went to visit him, and
+assure him that Mr. Lyddell was fixed in his determination to send him
+to school if he did not yield before the time of grace was up.
+
+The time of grace was at an end the next morning, and at nine o'clock,
+Gerald was summoned to the dining-room, where Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell were
+at breakfast. He wanted to carry it off with a high hand, but his long
+day of solitude had dulled him, and he looked pale and weary.
+
+"Gerald," said Mrs. Lyddell, "I am sorry you have so persisted in your
+misbehaviour to oblige us to punish you, as we threatened to do. Are you
+now willing to own that you did wrong?"
+
+"I ought not to have spoilt the book," said Gerald boldly, "and I was
+rude to Miss Morley."
+
+"There is a brave boy," said Mr. Lyddell, very much relieved. "Well,
+Gerald, I am glad you have given, in at last; I hate obstinacy, as I
+told you yesterday, but that is over, and we will say no more about it;
+only you know we told you that you should be sent to school, and we must
+keep our word."
+
+"Yes," said Gerald, trying not to let a muscle of his face relax; though
+now the die was cast, his consternation at the thought of school was
+considerable.
+
+"Well, you may go," said Mr. Lyddell, "and remember that obstinacy must
+be got out of a boy some way or other."
+
+Gerald went, and soon entered the schoolroom, where he walked up to Miss
+Morley, saying, "I am sorry I was rude to you the day before yesterday."
+
+"Ah! Sir Gerald, I was sure your better sense--your generous spirit--but
+I hope your submission--I hope Mr. Lyddell forgives--overlooks--"
+
+"I am to go to school when Lionel does, if that is what you mean,"
+replied Gerald, and then he came up to his sister, and looked earnestly,
+yet with an inquiring shyness into her face. Marian might have been
+hopeful, for his manner showed that it was for her opinion that he
+really cared; but she was sad and unhappy at seeing his pride still so
+far from being subdued, and though her heart yearned towards him, she
+shook her head and looked coldly away from him to her book.
+
+Gerald was chilled and went back to Lionel, who had plenty of ready
+sympathy for him; a story half caught from his mamma's report, half
+guessed at, that the old lady had looked full at the beast's curly tail,
+and had said she had never seen anything so like Lady Marchmont; the
+assertion of his own certainty that Gerald would never give in nor own
+that poor unfortunate had spoken the truth, and Gerald felt triumphant,
+as if his self-will had been something heroic, and his imprisonment and
+going to school a martyrdom. It did not last, Gerald's nature was gentle
+and retiring; he dreaded strangers, and his heart sank when he thought
+of school. He wanted his sister to comfort him, but he would soon be out
+of her reach. No Marian--all boys--all strange, and there was no help
+for it now. Gerald rested his forehead against the window and gulped
+down rising tears. But when he found himself on the point of being left
+alone with Marian, his pride rose, and he would not confess that he had
+been wrong or that he was unhappy, so he ran down stairs to find the
+other boys and to get out of her way.
+
+So it went on, Marian was very unhappy at this loss of his confidence;
+but the more she attempted to talk to him, the more he avoided her,
+being resolved not to show how great his dislike and dread of school
+was.
+
+"Gerald," said Lionel, the last day before they were to go, "I have been
+thinking I should like to give Marian something instead of that book."
+
+"So should I," said Gerald, delighted with the idea, for he was feeling
+all the time that he was vexing his sister, and wishing to do something
+by way of compensation.
+
+"I did not mean you," said Lionel, "for it----for you would never have
+been sharp enough to think of the beast for yourself. I only told you
+because you could tell me what she would like best. Papa has just given
+me a sovereign."
+
+"He has given me another," said Gerald, "and we will put them together,
+and do it handsomely."
+
+"Well, what shall it be? Not that stupid book over again."
+
+"O no, no, she has had enough of that already, and there are plenty of
+other books that she wants."
+
+"No, don't let it be a book," said Lionel; "I can't think how anybody
+can like reading, when they can help it."
+
+"Well, I do like some reading, when it is a shipwreck, or a famous
+bloody battle," said Gerald.
+
+"Yes, but then it makes one's eyes ache so."
+
+"It does not mine."
+
+"Well, if I go on long it always makes mine ache," said Lionel. "And
+don't the letters look green and dance about, when you read by candle
+light?"
+
+"No," said Gerald. "How funny that is, Lionel. But I'll tell you what,
+we will get Walter to take us out, and we shall be sure to see something
+famous, in some shop-window or other."
+
+Walter was at home for the Easter vacation, and under his protection the
+boys were allowed to go out. Very patient he was, and wisely did he
+give his counsel in the important choice which, if left to the boys
+themselves, might probably have been really something famous. Marian
+would have been grateful to him, had she known all that he averted from
+her, a stuffed fox, an immense pebble brooch, a pair of slippers covered
+with sportive demons. At every shop which furnished guns, knives, or
+fishing tackle, they stopped and lamented that she was not a boy,
+there was nothing in the world fit for girls; they tried a bazaar, and
+pronounced everything trumpery, and Walter was beginning to get into
+despair, when at last Lionel came to a stop before a print shop, calling
+out, "Hollo, Gerald, here's Beauty and the Beast itself!"
+
+It was the beautiful engraving from Raphael's picture of
+
+  Saint Margaret in meekness treading
+  Upon the dragon 'neath her spreading.
+
+And Walter, rejoicing that their choice was likely to fall on anything
+which a young lady might be so glad to possess, conducted them into the
+shop, and gave all the desired assistance in effecting the purchase. It
+was a fine impression, and the price was so high as to leave the boys'
+finances at rather a low ebb; but Walter, in his secret soul, thought
+this by no means to be regretted, since it was much better for them
+that it should be generously spent at once in this manner, than that it
+should be frittered away in the unaccountable and vain manner in which
+he had usually seen schoolboys' money wasted.
+
+So S. Margaret was bought and rolled up, and so afraid were the boys
+that she should not be rightly sent home, that they insisted on carrying
+her themselves, and almost quarrelled as to which should have the first
+turn.
+
+Marian, on coming into her room, found both the boys on the top of the
+chest of drawers, trying to pin the print up against the wall, and
+though her arrival caused them some discomfiture, it was on the whole
+a fortunate circumstance, since it saved the corners from extensive
+damage.
+
+"O Lionel! O Gerald! how beautiful! how very nice! What a lovely face!
+Is it really for me? How I do thank you, but I am afraid you have spent
+all your money."
+
+"It is a better Beauty and the Beast than the old one," said Gerald,
+"Isn't it, Marian?"
+
+"A better beauty, but not a better beast," said Lionel.
+
+"It is very beautiful indeed," said Marian; "I shall get a frame for it,
+and it will always put me in mind of you both."
+
+"Yes, you will always think of me when you look at the beauty," said
+Lionel, "and of Gerald when you look at the beast."
+
+"S. Margaret and the dragon! I wish I knew the story," said Marian;
+"but I suppose it is an allegory like that of S. George. How good and
+innocent she looks! Yes, see, Gerald, she is walking pure and white
+through the park forest, and conquering the dragon. You see the palm in
+the hand for victory. So innocent and so fearless."
+
+"I thought it would be one of those funny Roman Catholic stories, like
+what Caroline was reading one day," said Lionel.
+
+"I don't like making fun of those," said Marian. "They often mean a
+great deal, if you don't laugh at them, and tell them properly. I
+am sure this print is to put us in mind of how we are to overcome
+temptation, and I do like it very much. Thank you both."
+
+Lionel was here called away, but Gerald remained, and proceeded to a
+more minute examination of the beauties of the print, of which he was
+very proud.
+
+"O, Gerald, dear, if we could be like it," said Marian.
+
+"Like it? That you'll never be, Marian; your hair is too black."
+
+"Yes, but like it within. Pure and clear from sin in the midst of a bad
+world. I shall look at it and think of that very often, and you must
+think too, Gerald."
+
+"I mean to be good at school," said Gerald.
+
+And leaning against his sister, he let her talk to him as in times of
+old, advising him with all her might, for he really liked it, and was
+comfortable in having it so, though he would have been ashamed to
+own that he did. Her advice was at once childish and wise; sometimes
+sensible, sometimes impracticable. Let any sister of fourteen think what
+counsel she would give a brother of nine if he would but listen to her,
+and she will have a very fair idea of it. Gerald listened and promised
+earnestly, and she thought, hoped, and trusted that his promises would
+be kept: she reminded him of all that could strengthen his resolution,
+and talked of the holidays with what cheer she might. She had copied out
+a morning and evening prayer from her own treasured book, rather than
+give him such another, because she thought he would perhaps heed them
+more in her handwriting, and she now gave them to him, folded up in a
+neat little silk case, which he could keep without observation. How she
+put her arm round him and pressed him towards her as she gave them into
+his hand, and felt that she was doing what her mother would have done,
+so earnestly, so tearfully, so much more impressively. O was she
+watching them now?
+
+The brother and sister were interrupted at last, and called down to tea.
+The evening passed away heavily, spent as it was for the most part in
+the drawing-room; and the last thing before the boys went to bed, Lionel
+pushing Gerald roughly off, held Marian fast by the hand, and whispered
+in her ear, "I say--you've written out something for Gerald."
+
+"Yes," she answered, horrified that he should have found it out.
+
+"Would you mind doing it for me? Don't tell any one."
+
+Was not this a pleasure? Marian sat up in her dressing-gown that night
+to write the prayers in her very clearest writing, for she knew Lionel
+never liked to read what was not large and clear, and she guessed that
+late in the evening, after all his lessons, he would have too many
+"green and blue monsters," as he used to call them, before his eyes,
+to be willing to give them more work than he could possibly help. She
+thought her mamma would have been very uneasy if she had heard of those
+green and blue monsters, and she wondered whether Mrs. Lyddell knew
+or cared about them, but Lionel was one of the least regarded of the
+family, and nobody but Johnny ever thought it worth while to make a
+trifling complaint to her. It was far worse that Lionel should be left
+to obtain a form of private prayer by such a chance as this. Alas! alas
+for them all! She was too unhappy to think more of Lionel, and in the
+midst of earnest prayers for Gerald, she cried herself asleep.
+
+Poor child, she was too miserable all the next day to give us any
+pleasure in contemplating her.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+  "Too soon the happy child
+  His nook of homeward thought will change;
+  For life's seducing wild;
+  Too son his altered day-dreams show
+  This earth a boundless space,
+  With sunbright pleasures to and fro,
+  Coursing in joyous race."
+
+  _Christian Year_.
+
+
+A couple of weeks had passed away, and Marian was beginning to feel
+rather more accustomed to the absence of Gerald and Lionel, and to find
+pleasure in the letters which spoke of her brother taking a good place,
+and from which it did not appear that he disliked school so much as she
+had feared. Still she could not but miss him grievously, and feel the
+want of some one to cling to her, bring his troubles to her, and watch
+for moments of private conference. Her days seemed to follow each other
+without animation or interest; and if it had not been for some of her
+lessons, and for his letters and Agnes Wortley's, she felt as if she
+could have done nothing but yawn till the holidays.
+
+One day, as the young ladies were returning from a walk in the park,
+they saw a carriage standing at their own door,--too frequent an
+occurrence, as Marian thought, to call for such warm interest as Clara
+expressed. Yet even Marian grew eager when she heard her cousins exclaim
+that there was a coronet on it,--a Viscount's coronet. They were now
+close to the house, just about to ring, when the door opened, the
+visitor came out, and at that moment Marian sprang forward with a joyful
+face, but without a word. The lady held out both hands, and standing on
+the top of the steps of the door, she drew Marian up to her, and kissed
+her on each cheek with great eagerness, completely regardless of the
+spectators.
+
+"Marian, dear little Marian herself! I was afraid I had quite missed
+you, though I waited as long as I could. You look like your own self,
+little pale cheeks! Well, I must not stay; I have arranged with Mrs.
+Lyddell for you to spend to-morrow with me. I will send the carriage for
+you, and you know how much I have to show you--my husband and my son!
+You will come, Marian? Not a word? Ah! your own way. Good-bye; you will
+find your tongue to-morrow. Good-bye."
+
+She let go the hands and sprang into the carriage, giving a smile and
+nod as she drove off, that filled Marian's soul, almost to overflowing,
+with a rush of memories. It was as if she was no longer standing on the
+hard steps, with black streets, and tall, dingy yellow houses bounding
+her view, and carriages thundering in her ears; no longer lonely among
+numbers, but as if she was on the bright green grass-plat by the
+Manor-House door, the myrtles and sycamore nodding round her; the
+shadows of the clouds chasing each other in purple spots over the
+moors; her father at the window; her mother, Gerald, Edmund, Agnes, all
+standing round; that sweet voice, with, that same bright smile, that
+same arch little nod, repeating the "good-bye," and speaking of meeting
+next year; and Marian herself thinking how very long a year would be.
+And now two years had passed since that time, and such years! How
+much older Marian felt! But there was Selina--Selina herself, not the
+Beauty--that was enough for joy!
+
+Marian was roused from her dream by exclamations of delight and
+admiration from her cousins, "How very beautiful!" "O, I never saw
+anything so lovely!" "Marian, how could you say that she was not like
+her picture?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, gradually waking from her trance.
+
+"Don't you think her the most beautiful creature you ever saw?"
+
+"I don't know."
+
+"Don't know!" cried Caroline, impatiently. "Do you know whether your
+head is on or not?"
+
+"I don't--nonsense," said Marian, laughing heartily, "The fact was, I
+never had time to look or think whether she was pretty; I only saw she
+was just like herself."
+
+"Well, Marian; so you met her?" said Mrs. Lyddell's voice in its most
+delighted tone, at the top of the stairs. "I never saw a more charming
+person. So very handsome, and so elegant, and so very agreeable. You
+have heard of her invitation?"
+
+"Yes; thank you for letting me go," said Marian.
+
+"O yes, of course! I am delighted that you should have the advantage of
+such an acquaintance. I hope it will be quite an intimacy. I am sure
+whenever--Well, certainly, I never met with anything more fascinating.
+She spoke of you with such affection, my dear; I am sure she must be the
+most delightful person!"
+
+Marian was not suffered to proceed up stairs till she had been told
+all the particulars of Lady Marchmont's visit, and had answered many
+questions respecting her; and, when she went up to the school-room,
+it was the same thing. The party there seemed to look upon their good
+fortune, in having had a sight of her, something as if they had seen
+the Queen, or "the Duke;" and it was with a sort of awe that Clara
+pronounced the words "Lady Marchmont," as she talked over every
+particular of her dress and deportment.
+
+All this in some degree perplexed Marian. Titled ladies were by no means
+unusual among Mrs. Lyddell's visitors, and did not create anything
+like this sensation; and she had not been used at home to hear Selina
+Grenville talked of as anything more than a wild, gay-tempered girl,
+whose character for wisdom did not stand very high. To be sure she was
+now married, and that might make a difference; but then Edmund had since
+spoken of her as giddy, and as if he had not the highest idea of her
+discretion. Moreover, it struck Marian herself that she had spoken of
+her husband and child just as if they were two playthings, to be shown
+off. Of course that was only in fun, but Marian's was the time of life
+to have great ideas of the requisite gravity of demeanour in a married
+woman. Altogether, much as she loved Selina, and clever and engaging
+as she thought her, it astonished her not a little to find that the
+relationship conferred upon herself such distinction in the eyes of her
+cousins; and she spent the evening and the next morning alternately in
+speculations of this kind, hopes of a home-like day, and fears that
+Selina after all might prove the affected Viscountess of the Wreath of
+Beauty.
+
+The time came, the carriage was sent punctually, and in due time Marian
+was being marshalled up the broad staircase by the tall servants, in all
+the trepidation of making her first visit in state on her own account,
+and feeling at every step as if she was getting further into the Wreath
+of Beauty. Across a great drawing-room,--such a beautiful grand room,--a
+folding door is opened; "Miss Arundel" is announced, and there she
+stands in all her stiffness.
+
+There was a little table near the fire, and beside it sat Lady
+Marchmont, writing notes, in the plainest and most becoming of morning
+dresses,--a sort of brown holland looking thing, with a plain, stiff,
+white collar, and a dark blue ribbon, her only ornament, except one
+large gold bracelet. Her hair was twisted in glossy sunny waves behind
+her ear, as in some Greek statues; her blue eyes were bright and
+lustrous, and nothing was ever clearer and more delicate than the slight
+tinge of red on her cheeks. Lord Marchmont was standing leaning on the
+mantelshelf, apparently in consultation with her.
+
+As soon as Marian entered, Selina's pen was thrown down, and she flew
+forward, throwing her arms round her little cousin, and kissing her
+repeatedly. Then, her arm round Marian's neck, and her hand on her
+shoulder, she led her towards Lord Marchmont, who stepped forward to
+receive her, saying, "Yes, here she is, here is your little cousin; and
+hero, Marian, here is your great cousin. Now I would give five shillings
+to know what you think of each other."
+
+"I suppose one part of that pleasure will only be deferred till I am out
+of the room," said Lord Marchmont, as he shook hands with Marian in a
+kind, cordial, cousinly manner. He was a brown, strong-featured man of
+three or four and thirty, hardly young enough, and far from handsome
+enough, in Marian's very youthful eyes, to be suited to his wife, but
+very sensible and good-natured looking.
+
+"No, Marian is a safe person, and will get no further than 'I don't
+know;' at least if she is the Marian I take her for," said Lady
+Marchmont.
+
+"Very prudent," was his answer, smiling at Marian; and then, in
+compassion to her confusion, gathering up his papers, and preparing to
+depart.
+
+"Are you going?" said his wife. "Well, I do you the justice to say that,
+under the circumstances, it is the wisest proceeding in your power; for
+I shall not get three words out of Marian all the time you are here."
+
+After a few more words of consultation on their own affairs, he left the
+room, and then Selina caught hold of Marian again, and said she must
+have a thorough good look at her all over, to see how much of dear old
+Fern Torr she had brought with her.
+
+Selina Grenville was the youngest daughter of a sister of Sir Edmund
+Arundel, who had, like the rest of her family, died early. She had been
+a good deal abroad with her father and a married sister. Her uncommon
+beauty and engaging manners gained her, when she was little more than
+eighteen, the affection of Lord Marchmont, a more distant connection
+of the Arundel family; and happily for Selina, she appreciated him
+sufficiently to return his love so thoroughly, as to lay aside all the
+little coquetries which had hitherto been the delight of her life; and
+to devote herself to him even as he deserved.
+
+It might have been that the poem had said too much in pronouncing her to
+be a woman as well as a wife; for Selina Marchmont was almost as much of
+a child as Selina Grenville had been, and only now and then did those
+deeper shades of thought pass over her face, which showed how much soul
+there was within her as yet only half developed. Her manners were almost
+more playful than suited her position, though they became her perfectly;
+her husband delighted in them; but it was this that had given her grave
+and saddened cousin, Edmund, an impression that her sense was not of a
+high order.
+
+She was very warm-hearted. She had been exceedingly attached to her
+uncle and aunt at Fern Torr; and now it seemed as if she could never
+fondle Marian enough. The first thing was to show her baby, but she
+premised that she did not expect Marian to go into raptures about him;
+she never did expect any one to like babies. "In fact, Marian," she
+whispered, "don't betray me, but I am a wee bit afraid of him myself. It
+is such a very little live thing, and that nurse of his never will let
+me have any comfort with him, and never will trust me to get acquainted
+with him in a _tete-a-tete_, poor little man! O, here he comes! the
+Honourable William James Bertram Marchmont--his name nearly as long as
+himself."
+
+In came a broad, tall, dignified nurse, large enough to have made at
+least four Selinas, carrying a small bundle of long white robes. Selina
+took the little bundle in her arms rather timidly, and held it for
+Marian to see. Pew babies were ever looked at more silently; he was a
+small, but pretty, healthy-looking child of between two and three months
+old,--a very wax doll of a baby, with little round mottled arms moving
+about, and tiny hands flourishing helplessly, he looked just fit for his
+mamma. She held him with the fond, proud, almost over care with which
+little girls take for a moment some new brother or sister; and as she
+gazed upon him without a word, the earnest intensity of expression
+gathered upon her beautiful face. After about five minutes thus spent,
+she roused herself, and began gaily to tell Marian not to trouble
+herself to seek for a likeness in him to anybody, or to say anything so
+wild as that he in the least resembled her or his papa; and then she
+nodded and smiled at him, and seemed as if she would have talked to him
+and played with him, if his nurse had not been standing close by all the
+time, looking as if she was being defrauded of her property.
+
+"It is time Master Marchmont should be taken out before the sun goes
+off, my Lady," said she, authoritatively.
+
+"Very well, I suppose he must," said Selina, reluctantly giving him back
+again after a timid kiss.
+
+"There goes my lady nurse and her child," said she with a sigh, hidden
+even from herself by a laugh. "I am sure he seems a great deal more hers
+than mine; but there, I should never know what to do with him. Come,
+Marian, now for all about yourself, my poor child. How do they use you?"
+
+Much indeed there was to hear; and much to tell on either side, and
+scarcely for a moment did the two cousins cease from talking as they sat
+together in the morning, and drove together in the afternoon. Selina was
+one of those people who have a wonderful power of dispelling reserve,
+chiefly by their own frankness; and when she had told Marian all the
+history of her first sight of Lord Marchmont, and the whole courtship,
+and all that she had thought "so very noble" in him, and tried to make
+her understand how very happy she was, Marian's heart was open in her
+turn. Not the depths of it,--not such things as by a great effort she
+had told to Edmund, and might possibly tell to Mrs. Wortley, but much
+more than she could ever have said to any one else; and free and
+abundant was the sympathy and pity she received,--pity even beyond what
+she thought she deserved. She was surprised to observe that Selina spoke
+of the Lyddells with a sort of contempt, as if they were wanting in
+refinement; whereas she herself had never thought of their being
+otherwise than lady-like, and certainly very fashionable; but she
+supposed Lady Marchmont knew best, and was pleased to find herself
+considered superior. Gerald was of course one of their subjects of
+conversation, and gradually Marian, with her strict regard to truth,
+from a little unguardedness, found herself involved in a tangle from
+which there was no escape, without telling the whole story of the Wreath
+of Beauty.
+
+She need not have been afraid; Selina laughed as if nothing would ever
+make her cease, and insisted on Marian's bringing the portrait the next
+time she came to visit her. She vowed that she would patronise Lionel
+for ever for his cleverness; and when Marian looked sorrowful about the
+consequences, she told her that it was much better for Gerald to be at
+school, and she was very glad he was gone; and then she patted Marian's
+shoulder, and begged that she would not think her very cruel for saying
+so.
+
+Marian was very glad to be able to acquit her of vanity, when she heard
+the history of the insertion of the engraving, which had been entreated
+for by persons whom Lord Marchmont did not like to disoblige. The
+engraving both he and Selina disliked very much; and when Marian saw the
+original portrait, she perceived that the affectation did not reside
+there, for it was very beautiful, and the only fault to be found with it
+was chiefly attributable to the fact that miniatures always make
+people look so pretty, that this did not give the idea of a person so
+surpassingly lovely as Selina.
+
+Lord Marchmont came in several times to speak to his wife, but Marian
+did not see much of him till dinner-time, and then she liked him very
+much. He was certainly rather a grave person, and she wondered to see
+how Selina could be so merry with him; but he was evidently amused,
+and Marian had yet to learn how a clever and much occupied man likes
+nonsense to be talked to him and before him in his hours of relaxation.
+He behaved to Marian herself very kindly, and just as if she was a
+grown-up person,--a treat which she had scarcely enjoyed since she left
+Fern Torr; and though she was silent, as usual when with strangers, it
+was with no uncomfortable shyness: she was more at ease already with him
+than with Mr. Lyddell.
+
+Selina told him the history of Gerald's works of art in so droll a
+manner, that Marian herself saw it in a much funnier aspect than she had
+ever done before. He was much diverted, and turning to Marian, said,
+with seriousness that would have alarmed her, but for Selina's laughter,
+and a certain sub-smile about the corners of his mouth, that he hoped he
+was not to take the Beast as anything personal. Selina told him that she
+wanted him to convince Marian that it was a very good thing for Gerald
+to be sent to school, and he set to work to do so in earnest with much
+kindness, and by asking sundry questions about her brother's attainments
+and tastes, he so won her, that she was ready to do him the honour of
+acknowledging him as one of her own cousins.
+
+The evening came too soon to an end, though the carriage had not been
+ordered to take Marian home, till ten o'clock. It had all been like one
+dream of brightness, and Marian, when she awoke the next morning, could
+hardly believe that it was the truth that she had enjoyed herself so
+much, and that a house containing such happiness for her could be in
+London or so near her.
+
+The schoolroom looked very black and dull after the bright little
+sitting-room where she had parted with Selina; the lessons were
+wearisome, her companions more uncongenial than ever; she felt actually
+cross at the examination to which Clara subjected her about every trifle
+she could think of, in the house of Marchmont. She could have talked of
+its delights if there had been anybody to care about them in her own
+way, but that was the great if of Marian's life. She was conscious
+that her day's pleasure had unhinged her, and made her present tasks
+unusually distasteful, and she thought it the fault of the Lyddells, and
+in a great fit of repining blamed Edmund for injustice to Selina in
+not letting her house be their home. Her great hope was of another day
+there, the only thing that seemed to give a brightness to her life, and
+she looked forward to an intercourse between Lady Marchmont and Mrs.
+Lyddell, which would produce continual meetings.
+
+However, time passed on, and she did not see Selina. Mrs. Lyddell took
+her when she went to return the visit, but Lady Marchmont was not at
+home. It was not till after more than a fortnight that she received a
+little note from her, saying that they were going to a show of flowers,
+and would send for Marian to go with them.
+
+There was quite a commotion in the house on the occasion; not that all
+were not willing that Marian should go, but that Mrs. Lyddell thought
+her dress not at all fit; the plain straw bonnet which Marian _would_
+buy, in spite of all that could be said to the contrary, and that old
+black silk dress which did very well just for going to Church in, with a
+governess, but----
+
+Mrs. Lyddell and Saunders were for once in their lives agreed; and
+Marian, who thought her money would have served her this time to
+fulfil her grand scheme of buying Tytler's History of Scotland, was
+overpowered, and obliged to let them have their will, and wear it
+outside her head, in white silk; instead of inside, in Robert Bruce's
+wanderings.
+
+She was quite ready, in new bonnet and mantle, by the time Lady
+Marchmont's carriage was at the door, and very happy she was to find
+herself by her side again. Perhaps there was a little consciousness
+of newness in the manner in which she wore them, for Lady Marchmont
+remarked upon them, and said that they were very pretty, as in fact they
+were. Marian looked disconsolate, and Selina laughingly asked why. She
+told her former wishes, and was further laughed at, or rather Mrs.
+Lyddell was. Selina said the old bonnet would have done just as well;
+"it was so like such people to smarten up for a great occasion."
+
+Such people! Marian wondered again, and disliked her white bonnet more
+than ever, resolving for the future to trust her own taste. She soon
+forgot all this, however, in the pleasure of seeing green grass and
+trees, and the beautiful, most beautiful flowers, with their delicious
+perfume. This was real delight, such as she had never imagined before,
+and she thought she could have studied the wonderful forms of those
+tropical plants for ever, if it had not been for the crowds of people,
+and for a little awe of Lord Marchmont, who had given her his arm, and
+who did not seem to know or care much even for the dove orchis or the
+zebra-striped pitcher-plant. She wished she could turn him into Edmund,
+and looked at every plant which she fancied a native of the Cape, almost
+as kindly as if it had been a primrose of Fern Torr.
+
+It was another delightful day. Marian went back with her friends,
+and sat by while Selina was dressed for an evening party, heard a
+description of her home in the country, and gave a very unflattering one
+of Oakworthy, gained somehow or other a renewed impression of her own
+superiority to the Lyddells, and went home to indulge in another fit of
+discontent.
+
+Such were Marian's visits to Lady Marchmont, and such their effect. Mrs.
+Lyddell did much indeed that was calculated to give strength to the
+feeling by the evident pride which she took in Marian's familiarity with
+Lady Marchmont, and even in the cold, distant, formal civility with
+which she herself was treated.
+
+There was danger around Marian which she did not understand, the world
+was tempting her in a different way. She disliked what she saw among the
+Lyddells too much to find their worldly tastes and tempers infectious,
+but her intercourse with Selina was a temptation in a new form. She
+loved Selina so heartily as to see with her eyes, and be led by her in
+opinions: especially when these were of a kind according with her own
+character. It was from her that Marian imbibed the idea that she was to
+be pitied for living in her present home, not because Mrs. Lyddell's
+mind was set on earth and earthly things, but because she did not belong
+to those elite circles which Marian learnt to believe her own proper
+place. Edmund had told her she might stand on high ground, and she
+believed him, but was this such high ground as he meant? The danger did
+not strike Marian, because it did not seem to her like pride, since the
+distinction, whatever it was, did not consist in rank; she would have
+had a horror of valuing herself on being a baronet's daughter, but this
+more subtle difference flattered her more refined feelings of vanity;
+and though she was far from being conscious of it, greatly influenced
+her frame of mind, and her conduct towards her cousins. It was not
+without reason now that Caroline thought her proud.
+
+It must not, however, be supposed that this was Marian's abiding frame
+of mind; it was rather the temper which was infused into her by each
+successive visit to Selina during the next three years. Of course, every
+time it was renewed, it was also strengthened, but it was chiefly her
+London disposition, and used in great degree to go off when she
+was taken up with the interests of Oakworthy, and removed from the
+neighbourhood of Lady Marchmont.
+
+Oakworthy was so preferable to London, except so far as that she was
+there out of Selina's reach, that she began to have a kindness for it.
+She knew some of the poor people there, in whom Caroline had kept up an
+interest ever since Miss Cameron's time; the smoky streets of London
+had taught her to prize the free air and green turf of the Downs; and,
+thanks to Edmund, her own dear Mayflower awaited her there, and she
+enjoyed many a canter with Caroline and Walter. She began for the first
+time to become acquainted with the latter, and to learn to look upon him
+with high esteem, but to obtain a knowledge of him was a very difficult
+matter. He was naturally diffident and bashful, and his spirits were
+not high; he had been thrown more and more into himself by his mother's
+hastiness of manner and his father's neglect. His principles were high
+and true, his conduct excellent, and as he had never given any cause for
+anxiety, he was almost always overlooked by the whole family. Nor was he
+clever, and the consciousness of this added to his timidity, which being
+unfortunately physical as well as mental, caused him to be universally
+looked down upon by his brothers. Even Marian began to share the
+feeling when she saw him turn pale and start back from the verge of a
+precipitous chalk pit where she could stand in perfect indifference, and
+when she heard him aver his preference for quiet horses. Mayflower's
+caperings were to him and Caroline so shocking, and it appeared to them
+so improper that she should be allowed to mount such an animal, that but
+for her complete ease, her delight in the creature's spirit, and her
+earnest entreaties, a complaint against Mayflower would certainly have
+been preferred to the authorities.
+
+In spite of all this, there was satisfaction in talking to Walter, for
+he saw things as Marian did, right and wrong were his first thoughts,
+and his right and wrong were the same as hers. This was worth a great
+deal to her, though she was often provoked with him for want of boldness
+in condemnation. A man grown up could, she thought, do so much to set
+things to rights, if he would but speak out openly, and remonstrate,
+but Walter shrank from interfering in any way; it seemed to cost him an
+effort even to agree with Marian's censure. Yes, she thought, as she
+stood looking at the print of S. Margaret, Walter might pass by the
+dragon, nay, fight his own battle with it, but he would never tread it
+manfully under, so that it might not rise to hurt others. He might mourn
+for the sins around him, but would he ever correct them? Marian thought
+if she was a man, a man almost twenty, destined to be a clergyman, she
+had it in her soul to have done great things; then she would not be shy,
+for she should feel it her duty to speak.
+
+In the meantime, Marian had a trouble of her own, a sore place in her
+heart, and in its tenderest spot, for Gerald was the cause. The first
+holidays had been all she could desire; he was affectionate, open, full
+of talk about home and Edmund, with the best of characters; and with the
+exception of all the other boys being "fellows" and nameless, there was
+nothing like reserve about him; but the next time, he had not been three
+days in the house, before she perceived that the cloud had come down
+again, which had darkened the last few weeks before his going to school.
+He avoided being alone with her, he would not let her ask him questions,
+he talked as if he despised his governors and teachers, and regarded
+rules as things made to be eluded. His master's letter did not give a
+satisfactory account of him, and when Marian tried to fish out something
+about his goings on from Lionel, she met with impenetrable silence,
+Lionel himself seemed to be going through school pretty much in the same
+way, with fits and starts of goodness, and longer intervals of idleness,
+but he made his eyes a reason, or an excuse, for not doing more. They
+were large, bright, blue, expressive eyes, and it was hard to believe
+them in fault, but strong sunshine or much reading by candle-light
+always brought the green and purple monsters, and sometimes a degree of
+inflammation. It was said that he must be careful of them, and how much
+of his idleness was necessary, how much was shirking, was a question for
+his own conscience.
+
+Every time Gerald came home, Marian saw something more that pained her.
+There was the want of confidence that grew more evident every time,
+though it was by no means want of affection; it was vain to try to keep
+him away from the stables; he read books on Sunday which she did not
+approve, she did not think he wrote to Edmund, and what made her more
+uneasy than all was, that Elliot was becoming the great authority with
+him. Elliot had begun to take a sort of distant patronising notice of
+hint, which seemed to give him great pleasure, and which Marian who
+every year had reason to think worse of Elliot, considered very
+dangerous. She could not bear to see Gerald search through, the
+newspapers for the racing intelligence, and to see him orating
+scientifically to Lionel and Johnny about the points of the horses; she
+did not like to see him talking to the gamekeepers, and set her face,
+more than was perhaps prudent, against all the field sports which were
+likely to lead him into Elliot's society.
+
+In her zeal against this danger, she forgot how keen a sportsman
+Edmund himself was, and spoke as if she thought these amusements wrong
+altogether, and to be avoided, and this, together with the example of
+Walter, gave Gerald a very undesirable idea of the dulness of being
+steady and well conducted. That he spent more money than was good for
+him, was also an idea of hers gathered from chance observations of her
+own, and unguarded words of the other boys; but this was one of the
+points on which his reserve was the strictest, and she only could be
+anxious in ignorance. The holidays, anticipated with delight, ended in
+pain, though still she cherished a hope that what alarmed her might be
+boyish thoughtlessness of no importance in itself, and only magnified by
+her fears.
+
+She was encouraged in this by finding that Lord Marchmont, when he saw
+him once in London, thought him a very fine, promising boy, and that Mr.
+and Mrs. Lyddell did not seem to see anything seriously amiss. But then
+Lord Marchmont had not seen enough of him to be able to judge, and would
+not have told her even if he had thought there probably was anything
+wrong; and she could not trust to Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell. It was very
+painful to imagine herself unjust to her only brother, and she drove the
+fears away; but back they would always come, every time Gerald was at
+home, and every time she looked and longed in vain for a letter from
+him.
+
+Thus passed, as has already been said, three years, spent for the most
+part without event. Caroline, at eighteen, was introduced; but though
+her evenings were given to company, her mornings were still spent in the
+schoolroom, of which indeed she was the chief brightness. Marian, though
+she had the offer of coming out at the same time, was very glad to
+embrace the alternative of waiting another year. She was now a little
+past her seventeenth birthday, which emancipated her from being
+absolutely Miss Morley's pupil. She breakfasted with the rest of the
+family, dined with them when there was not a large party, learnt more
+of masters, and studied more on her own account than she had ever done
+before; and only depended on Miss Morley and Clara for companionship in
+walking and meals, when Caroline was otherwise engaged.
+
+She was more with the Marchmonts than ever during this spring. She rode
+with them, kept Selina company when her husband went out without her;
+went about with her wherever a girl of woman's height, though not yet
+come out, could be taken; and was almost always at any of her dinners or
+evening parties, where she could have the pleasure of seeing anything
+that was distinguished. It was a very pleasant life; for she was new to
+the liberty of being loosed from schoolroom restraints, and at the same
+time the restraints and duties of society had not laid hold upon her.
+Among Selina's friends she was not expected to talk, and could listen
+in peace to the conversation of the very superior men Lord Marchmont
+brought around him; or if she chanced to exchange a few words with any
+of them, she remembered it afterwards as a distinction. Selina, with all
+the homage paid to her beauty, her rank, her fascination of manner, and
+her husband's situation, was made much of by all, and was able to avoid
+being bored, without affronting any one; and a spoilt child of fashion
+herself, in her generosity and affection, she made Marian partake her
+pleasures, and avoid annoyances as far as she could, like herself. It
+was a pleasant life, and Marian thoroughly enjoyed it but was it a safe
+one?
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+  "So too may soothing Hope thy leave enjoy,
+  Sweet visions of long severed hearts to frame;
+  Though absence may impair or cares annoy,
+  Some constant mind may draw us still the same."
+
+  _Christian Year_.
+
+
+"Here are two letters for you, Marian," said Mrs. Lyddell, meeting the
+girls as they came in from a walk; "Lady Marchmont's servant left this
+note."
+
+"An invitation to dinner for this evening," said Marian opening it; "ah!
+I knew they were to have a party; 'just recollected that Lady Julia
+Faulkner used to know Fern Torr, and I must have you to meet her, if it
+is not a great bore.'"
+
+"Then, my dear, had you not better send an answer? James can take it
+directly."
+
+"No, no, thank you; the carriage will call at seven. Who can this Lady
+Julia be? But--" by this time Marian had arrived at her other letter,
+and, with a sudden start and scream of joy, she exclaimed, "They are
+coming!"
+
+"Coming? Who?" asked Caroline.
+
+"Agnes--and Mr. and Mrs. Wortley! O! All coming to stay with their
+friends in Cadogan Place. I shall see them at any time I please."
+
+"I am very glad of it," said Caroline.
+
+"Tell them that their earliest engagement must be to us," said Mrs.
+Lyddell. "When do you expect them?"
+
+"Next week, next week itself," cried Marian, "to stay a whole fortnight,
+or perhaps three weeks. Mr. Wortley has business which will occupy
+him--"
+
+Few faces ever expressed more joy than Marian's in the prospect of a
+meeting with these dearest of friends; Mrs. Lyddell and Caroline smiled
+at her joy as she flew out of the room to make Saunders a partaker in
+her pleasure.
+
+"Strange girl," said Caroline; "so cold to some, so warm to others; I
+shall be glad to see these incomparable Wortleys."
+
+"So shall I," said Mrs. Lyddell; "but I expect that Marian's opinion of
+them will soon alter, she has now become used to such different society.
+However we must be very civil to them, be they what they may."
+
+In the meantime Marian penned a letter to Agnes, in terms of delight and
+affection twenty times warmer than any which had ever passed her lips,
+and then resigned herself to Saunders' hands to be dressed, without
+much free will on her own part; too excited to read as usual during
+the operation, sometimes talking, sometimes trying to imagine Agnes in
+London, a conjunction which seemed to her almost impossible.
+
+The carriage came for her, and in due time she was entering the great
+drawing-room, where Selina, looking prettier than ever in her evening
+dress, sat reading a novel and awaiting her guests.
+
+"O Selina, only think," she began; "the Wortleys are coming!"
+
+"What say you? Why, Marian, you are in a wild state. Who are coming?"
+
+"The Wortleys, Selina, my own Agnes."
+
+"O, your old clergyman's daughter! You constant little dove, you don't
+mean that you have kept up that romantic friendship all these years?"
+
+"Why, Selina!"
+
+"Yes, yes, I remember all about them now: the daughter was your great
+friend."
+
+"She was more yours," said Marian, "when you were at Fern Torr, because
+you were more nearly the same age. Don't you remember how you used to
+whisper under the sycamore tree, and send me out of the way?"
+
+"Poor little Marian! Well, those were merry times, and I rather think
+your Agnes promised to be very pretty."
+
+"And shall not you be glad to see her?"
+
+"When do they come?"
+
+"Next Monday, to--Cadogan Place."
+
+"Close to you. Well, that is lucky; but now, my dear, if you can come
+down from the clouds for a moment, I want to tell you about Lady Julia."
+
+"Who is she?" said Marian, bringing back her attention with an effort.
+
+"A tiresome woman," whispered Selina, with a sort of affectation of
+confidence; "but the fact is, Lord Marchmont used to know her husband,
+or his father, or his great grandfather, sometime in the dark ages, and
+so be wants me to make much of her. She is one of the people that it is
+real toil to make talk for; but by good fortune I remembered that I had
+heard some legend about her once knowing my uncles, and so I thought
+that a cross-examination of you about Gerald and Fern Torr would be a
+famous way of filling up the evening."
+
+"O!" said Marian in a not very satisfied tone, "so she has a husband,
+has she? I fancied from your note that she only consisted of herself,"
+
+"She consists of a son and daughters," said Selina.
+
+"Her husband is dead, but the rest of the house you will presently see."
+
+"Eh?" said Lord Marchmont, coming out of the other room where he had
+been writing, and greeting Marian.
+
+"You don't mean that you have invited that young Faulkner?"
+
+"You would, not have me leave out the only agreeable one of the
+party--something to sweeten the infliction."
+
+Lord Marchmont smiled at the arch, bold, playful manner with which she
+looked up in his face, as if to defy him to be displeased; but still he
+was evidently vexed, and said, "It is hard upon Marian only to take her
+from Elliot Lyddell's society to bring her into Mr. Faulkner's."
+
+"Indeed! but that is hard on Mr. Faulkner," said his wife. "As to worth,
+I suppose he and Marian's cousin are pretty much on a par, but it is but
+justice to say that he has considerably the advantage in externals."
+
+"It cannot be helped now," said Lord Marchmont; "but I wish I had told
+you before, Selina. The esteem I had for that young man's father would
+make me still more reluctant to cultivate him, considering his present
+way of going on."
+
+"Well, one invitation to dinner is not such a very agricultural
+proceeding, that you need waste such a quantity of virtuous
+indignation," said Selina; "I daresay he will not grow _very_ much the
+faster for it."
+
+The arrival of some of the party put a stop to the conversation, and
+presently Lady Julia Faulkner, Mr. and Miss Faulkner, were announced.
+The first was a fair, smooth, handsome matron, who looked as if she had
+never been preyed upon by either thought or care; her daughter was a
+well-dressed, fashionable young lady; and her son, so gentlemanlike
+and sensible looking, as to justify Lady Marchmont in saying that in
+externals he had the advantage of Elliot Lyddell. Marian sat next him at
+dinner, and though she meant to dislike him, she could not succeed in
+doing so; he talked with so much spirit and cleverness of the various
+exhibitions and other things, which are chiefly useful as food for
+conversation. Something too might be ascribed to the store of happiness
+within her, which would not let her be ungracious or unwilling to let
+herself be entertained, for on the whole, she had never been so well
+amused at a dinner party.
+
+In the drawing-room the examination took place with which she had been
+threatened, but she had grown hardened to such things with time, and
+could endure them much better than she used to do. It was always the
+custom for her to outstay the guests, so as to talk them over with her
+cousins; and, on this occasion the first exclamation was, how very
+agreeable and clever Mr. Faulkner was.
+
+"So much the worse," said Lord Marchmont gravely; "I think worse of him
+than I did before, for I find he has taken up Germanism."
+
+Marian had some notion that Germanism meant that the foundations of his
+faith were unsettled, and she looked extremely horrified, but she had
+not time to dwell on the subject, for the carriage came to the door,
+and she was glad to be alone to hug herself with delight. The gas lamps
+looked as bright to her eyes as if there were an illumination specially
+got up in honour of her happiness, and the drive to Mr. Lyddell's was
+far too short to settle a quarter of what Agnes was to see and do.
+
+It was almost four years since she had parted with her, but the
+correspondence had scarcely slackened, nor the earnestness of her
+affection and confidence diminished. There was no one, excepting Edmund,
+to whom she could look for counsel in the same manner, and the hope of
+long conversations with Mrs. Wortley was almost as delightful as the
+thought of seeing Agnes once more.
+
+She had begged them to call the first thing, and accordingly soon after
+breakfast one fine Tuesday morning, a loud double-knock caused her heart
+to leap into her mouth, or rather her throat, and almost choke her. Mrs.
+Lyddell, Elliot, and Caroline were all present, and she wished them
+forty miles off, when the announcement was the very thing she wished to
+hear!
+
+There they were, Mrs. Wortley giving that fond, motherly kiss, Agnes
+catching both hands, and kissing both cheeks, Mr. Wortley giving one
+hearty squeeze to her hand! There they really were, she was by Mrs.
+Wortley's side, their own familiar tones were in her ears! She hardly
+dared to look up, for fear Agnes should be altered, but no, she could
+not call her altered, though she was more formed, the features were less
+childish, and there was more thought, though not less life and light
+than of old, in the blue eyes. Indeed it came upon Marian by surprise,
+that she had not known before that Agnes was uncommonly pretty as well
+as loveable. She was surprised not to see her friend more shy, but able
+to answer Elliot's civilities with readiness and ease; whereas she who
+still felt stiff and awkward with a stranger, had supposed that such
+must be doubly the case with one who had lived so much less in the
+world.
+
+That day was to be devoted by the Wortleys to visits and business, but
+they reckoned on having Marian to themselves all the next, and were to
+call for her early on their way to some of the sights of London. Mrs.
+Lyddell made them fix an early day for coming to dinner, and they took
+their leave, Marian feeling as if the visit had not been everything that
+she expected, and yet as if it was happiness even to know that the same
+city contained herself and them.
+
+No sooner were they gone than the Lyddells began with one voice to
+admire Agnes, even Elliot was very much struck with her, and positively
+gained himself some degree of credit with Marian, by confirming her
+opinion of her friend's beauty. It was delightful indeed that Agnes
+should be something to be proud of; Marian would not have loved her one
+whit the less if she had been a plain, awkward country girl, but it was
+something to have her affection justified in their eyes, and to have no
+fear of Agnes being celebrated only for her cricket.
+
+They called for Marian early the next morning, and now she received the
+real greeting, corresponding to her parting, as Mrs. Wortley's second
+daughter. Then began the inquiries for everything at Fern Torr, animate
+or inanimate, broken into by Agnes's exclamations of surprise at
+everything new and wonderful in the streets, a happy, but a most
+desultory conversation.
+
+At last they got into a quiet street where Mr. and Mrs. Wortley went to
+choose a carpet, and the two girls were left to sit in the carriage.
+
+"O Marian!" began Agnes, "so you have not quite lost your old self! I
+am glad to see how it all is at least, for I have something tangible to
+pity you for."
+
+"I wonder what it is," said Marian, too happy for pity at that moment.
+
+"O, my dear! that Mr. Elliot Lyddell!"
+
+"He is hardly ever in my way," said Marian.
+
+"And his sister! Her dress! What study it must have taken! In the
+extreme of fashion."
+
+"Caroline's dress is not exactly what she would choose herself," said
+Marian.
+
+"That must be only an excuse, Marian; for though you have a
+well-turned-out look, it is not as if you were in a book of fashions."
+
+"I am not Mrs. Lyddell's daughter, and though I do expect a battle or
+two when I come out, it will not be a matter of obedience with me, as it
+is with Caroline."
+
+"Is it very painful obedience?" said Agnes laughingly; "well, you do
+deserve credit for not being spoilt among such people."
+
+"In the first place, how do you know they are 'such people?' and next,
+how do you know I am not spoilt?"
+
+"You must be the greatest hypocrite in the world, if you are spoilt, to
+write me such letters, and sit so boldly looking me in the face. And as
+to their being 'such people,' have not I seen them, have not I
+heard them, and, above all, has not Mr. Arundel given me their full
+description?"
+
+"But that was three years and a half ago," said Marian.
+
+"And have they changed since then?" asked Agnes.
+
+"I don't know."
+
+"O how glad I am to hear that!" cried Agnes. "Never mind them; but to
+hear you say 'I don't know' in that old considering tone is proof enough
+to me that you are my own old Marian, which is all I care for."
+
+"I don't--" began Marian; then stopping short and laughing, she added,
+"I mean I was thinking whether it is really so. Can any person live four
+years without changing? Especially at our age. What a little girl I was
+then!"
+
+"Yes, to be sure, you have grown into a tall--yes, quite a tall woman,
+and you have got your black hair into a very pretty broad braid, and you
+wear a bracelet and carry a parasol, and don't let your veil stream down
+your back; I don't see much more alteration. Your eyes are as black and
+your face as white, and altogether you are quite as provoking as ever in
+never telling one anything that one wishes to know."
+
+Marian gave a stiff smile, one which she had learnt in company, and
+grew frightened at herself to find that she was treating Agnes, as she
+treated the outer world. She did not know what to say; her love was
+deep, strong and warm within, but it was too soon to "rend the silken
+veil;" and this awkwardness, this consciousness of coldness was positive
+suffering. She was relieved that the return of Mr. and Mrs. Wortley put
+an end to the _tete-a-tete_, then shocked that it should be a relief;
+for, poor girl, her extreme embarrassment overpowering the happiness
+in her friend's presence, made her doubt whether it could be that her
+affection was really departing, a thought too dreadful to be dwelt upon.
+
+Who would have told her that she should endure so much pain in her first
+drive with the Wortleys?
+
+They went to call on Lady Marchmont that day, and, as Marian expected,
+did not find her at home. Agnes renewed the old lamentation that Marian
+could not live with her and thus avoid Mrs. Lyddell's finery and
+fashion. "Now why do you laugh, Marian? you don't mean that Selina
+Grenville can have turned into a fashionable lady? she was the simplest
+creature in the world."
+
+"She is what she was then," said Marian; "but as to being fashionable--.
+My dear Agnes, you don't understand."
+
+"We have not to reproach Marian for want of knowledge of the world now,
+Agnes," said Mr. Wortley, smiling at his daughter's bewildered look.
+
+"Ah!" cried Marian, and there stopped, thinking how grievously she must
+be altered, since this was the reproach that the Lyddells used so often
+to make her. Some wonderful sight here engaged Agnes, and Marian's
+exclamation fell unheeded.
+
+She spent a good many hours with the Wortleys while they were in London,
+but usually in the midst of confusion and bustle: Mr. and Mrs. Wortley
+were busy, and Agnes almost wild with the novelties around. Marian's
+heart ached as she recollected a saying which she had read, that a
+thread once broken can never be united again. Her greatest comfort was
+in the prospect of a visit to Fern Torr; for Mrs. Lyddell willingly
+consented to her accepting Mrs. Wortley's invitation to return with
+them, and to stay even to the end of her brother's holidays, which he
+was also to spend at _home_. She should know better there whether she
+was really changed; she could take it all up again there, and now she
+could afford to wait, and not feel the necessity of saying everything
+that would not be said in so short a time.
+
+One thing was certain, she did not like to hear Agnes talk against the
+Lyddells. She could have done it herself; nay, she did so sometimes when
+with Lady Marchmont, but then that was only about "nonsense." She had
+lived with them too long, had shared in too many of their conversations
+and employments, was, in fact, too much one of the family, to like to
+hear them condemned. She thought it very strange, and she could not tell
+whether it was from having grown like them, or from a genuine dislike to
+injustice; at any rate it was this which convinced her that she had come
+to regard them in some degree as friends.
+
+She wished them to appear to as much advantage as possible, but this
+they really seemed resolved not to do, at least not what was in her eyes
+and those of the Wortleys, to advantage. Mrs. Lyddell _would_ have
+a grand dinner party to do honour to her friends, and the choice of
+company was not what she would have made. To make it worse, Elliot
+sat next Agnes, Walter was not at home, and the conversation was upon
+religious subjects, which had better not have been discussed at all in
+such a party, and which were viewed by most present, in the wrong way.
+All this, however, Marian could have endured, for she did not care
+to defend Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell or Elliot, individually, only when
+considered as forming part of "the Lyddells," but she really wished
+Agnes to like Caroline and Clara.
+
+She did not know whether Agnes was not perverse about Caroline, whom she
+continued to call a mere fashionable young lady, not being able to find
+any other reproach than this vague one; but as to Clara, Marian herself
+could have found it in her heart to beat her when she made sillier
+speeches than usual in Agnes' hearing, and, above all, for having at
+this time a violent fit of her affection for Marian herself, whom she
+perseveringly called a dear girl, and followed about so closely as to be
+always in the way.
+
+Marian would have been still more provoked with Clara, had Agnes not had
+forbearance enough to abstain from telling her all that Clara had said,
+when once, by some chance, left alone with her for ten minutes. After a
+great deal about her extreme friendship for "dearest Marian," she said,
+"Some people think her pretty,--do you, Miss Wortley?"
+
+"Not exactly pretty," said Agnes, "but hers is a fine face."
+
+"Ah! she has not colour enough to be pretty. She is much too pale, poor
+dear, but some people say that is aristocratic. And she is like her
+cousin, Lady Marchmont, the beauty. Do you know Lady Marchmont?"
+
+"I used to know her as a girl."
+
+"Ah! she is very handsome, and so much the fashion. It is such an
+advantage for Marian to be there, and I hope she will slyly bring us
+acquainted some of these days. But then all the Arundels are proud;
+Marian has a good deal of pride in her own way, though she is a dear
+girl!"
+
+"Marian!" exclaimed Agnes.
+
+"O yes! She is a dear girl, but every one in Wiltshire speaks of her
+pride; all our friends do, I assure you. I always defend her, of course,
+but every one remarks it."
+
+Agnes was wondering whether simply to disbelieve anything so
+preposterous as that all Wiltshire should be remarking on poor Marian's
+pride, or whether to explain it by her well-known shyness, when Clara
+made another sudden transition. "Do you know Mr. Arundel?"
+
+"O yes."
+
+"Is not he a fine, distinguished looking man? We did admire him so when
+he was here. I assure you we are all quite jealous of Marian. Miss
+Morley says there can be but one _denouement_."
+
+Here Marian came into the room, and Agnes proceeded to question within
+herself which was most wonderful,--the extreme folly of Clara, or of the
+governess.
+
+Another vexation to Marian was the behaviour of Lady Marchmont. She
+herself was invited as often as usual to come to her cousin, but she
+could not spare a minute from her dear friends, and only was surprised
+and vexed that they were not included, and that Selina had not yet
+called upon them. She knew that one of her parties consisted of persons
+whom Mr. Wortley would have been particularly glad to meet, and she
+watched most anxiously for a card for him; she even went so far, as in
+her own note of refusal to give a very far distant hint, thinking that
+Selina only required to be put in mind of his being in London.
+
+At last, only two days before they left town, Lady Marchmont left her
+card for Mrs. Wortley, but without asking if she was at home; and
+Marian, who was in the house at the time, felt the neglect most acutely.
+Mrs. Wortley saw the bright glow of red spread all over the pale check,
+and was heartily sorry on her account. Agnes broke out into exclamations
+that there must be a mistake,--the servants must have misunderstood,
+and she would have asked questions; but Marian said, in a voice of deep
+feeling, "No, Agnes, it is no mistake. You understand me now when I say
+Selina Marchmont is more of a fine lady than Mrs. Lyddell. But O, I
+never thought she would have neglected you!"
+
+"Say no more, my dear," said Mrs. Wortley; "Lady Marchmont must have too
+many engagements to attend to us dull country folks. Indeed, it gives me
+no pain, my dear, except to see it grieve you. You know she has done her
+duty by us."
+
+"Her duty by herself, she may think," said Marian, "in not doing what
+would be called rude, but not her duty by you; you, to whom all who
+ever--who ever loved _them_, owe so much."
+
+The tears glittered in Marian's eyes, and her cheek was flushed.
+
+"Marian, my dear, cool down a little," said Mrs. Wortley; "think how
+long it is since Lady Marchmont knew us, and recollect that the--the
+causes, which you think you have for caring for us, may not appear the
+same to her. She only thinks of us as dimly remembered neighbours of
+her cousin's, coming to London for a little while; she is full of
+engagements, and has no time for us, and just follows the fashions of
+other people."
+
+"That is it," said Marian. "How shall I ever wish her good-bye in
+charity?"
+
+They were interrupted; and it was not till Marian was gone that Agnes
+had the satisfaction of a full outbreak of indignation at all fine
+ladies, and of triumph in the impossibility of their ever spoiling her
+own dear Marian.
+
+Marian had to spend the evening with the Marchmonts, and she was more
+constrained with them at first than she had ever been before. Yet it
+was not easy to continue constrained with Selina, who was perfectly
+unconscious that she had given any offence; and the feeling was quite
+removed by half an hour's play with little Willy, who was now promoted
+to be a drawing-room child for various short intervals of the day. He
+was under a nursery governess, who let his mamma have a little more
+property in him.
+
+Selina asked about the intended journey, and thus renewed Marian's
+feeling of the wrongs of the Wortleys; but when Selina scolded her for
+not coming oftener, supposed she had been very happy, and envied her for
+going to dear old Fern Torr, Marian began to forgive, and did so quite
+when she wished she could have seen them, and lamented that she had been
+so much engaged. Three times she had gone out, fully meaning to call on
+them, and have a good long chat, but each time something delayed her;
+and the last, and fourth, she really was obliged to be at home early,
+and could not possibly make a call.
+
+The charm of manner made all this appease Marian; but when the immediate
+spell of Selina's grace and caressing ways was removed, she valued it
+rightly, and thought, though with pain, of the expressive epithet,
+"fudge!" Could not Selina have gone to her aunt's old friends if she
+would? Had not Marian known her to take five times the trouble for her
+own gratification? Marian gained a first glimpse of the selfishness of
+refined exclusiveness, and doubted whether it had not been getting a
+hold of herself, when she had learnt of Selina to despise and neglect
+all that was unpleasing.
+
+O the joy of knowing that she should turn her back on the great wicked
+world again, and measure herself by the old standard of home! And yet
+she trembled, lest she should find that the world had touched her more
+than she had thought.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+  "Yes, friends may be kind, and vales may be green,
+  And brooks, may sparkle along between;
+  But it is not friendship's kindest look,
+  Nor loveliest vale, nor clearest brook,
+  That can tell the tale which is written for me
+  On each old face and well known tree."
+
+  R. H. FROUDE.
+
+
+It was a happy day for both Agnes Wortley and Marian Arundel when they
+again entered Devonshire. Agnes seemed to feel her four weeks as serious
+an absence as Marian did her four years, and was even more rapturous in
+her exclamations at each object that showed her she was near home.
+
+They walked up the last and steepest hill, or rather bounded along the
+well known side path, catching at the long trailing wreaths of the
+dogrose, peeping over the gates which broke the high hedge, where
+Marian, as she saw the moors, could only relieve her heart by
+pronouncing to herself those words of Manzoni's Lucia, "_Vedo i miei
+monti._" ("I see my own mountains.") She beheld the woods and the
+chimneys of the Manor House, but she shrank from looking at it, and
+gazed, as if she feared it was but a moment's vision, at the rough
+cottages, the smoke curling among the trees, the red limestone quarry,
+and the hills far away in the summer garb of golden furze. It was home,
+her heart was full, and Agnes respected her silence.
+
+Down the hill, along the well-known paling, past the cottages, the dear
+old faces smiling welcome; the Church, always the same, the green rail
+of the Vicarage garden, the paint was the only thing new; the porch,
+with roses hanging thicker over it than ever; Ranger, David Chapple,
+Jane, the housemaid, all in ecstasy in their different ways.
+
+That first evening was spent in visiting every nook of the garden with
+Agnes, and hearing the history of each little innovation; then, after a
+slight interval of sleepiness, came those fond, cordial "good nights,"
+which dwell no where but at home.
+
+She woke to the reality of a Fern Torr Sunday, not to shake off with
+disappointment and wearinesss, the dream of such a day. There was the
+pinkthorne, dressed in all its garlands, before her window, the dew
+lying heavy and silvery on the grass; the cart-horses enjoying their
+holiday in the meadow, the mass of blossom in the orchard, the sky
+above, all blueness, the air full of a delicious quietness, as if the
+sunshine itself was repose, Marian leant out at her window, and wondered
+if it was possible she should have been so long away, so familiar, so
+natural did it all seem.
+
+The hurried breakfast, the walk to school, the school itself, how well
+she knew it all, and within the school how old a world it was, and yet
+how new! The benches, the books, the smiles, the curtsies, the very
+nosegays, redolent of southernwood, were unchanged, but all the great
+good girls of her day, the prime first class, where was it? Here was the
+first class still, Agnes' pride; but, behold, these are the little ones
+of her day, and the babies for whom she had made pink frocks and frilled
+caps, now stared up in her face responsible beings, who could say more
+than half the Catechism. Her own little pets of school-days were grown
+out of knowledge into the uninteresting time of life, the "old age
+of childhood," and looked as if they found it equally difficult to
+recognize "little Miss" in a lady taller than Miss Wortley. Next
+followed the walk to Church, full of meetings and greetings, admiration
+of her growth, and inquiries after Sir Gerald.
+
+Yes, Marian did feel like the old self: her four years' absence was like
+a dream that had passed away, and was nothing to her; she could think
+only of home, home thoughts and home interests; the cares and the
+teasings, the amusements and the turmoils of Oakworthy and London, were
+as things far distant, which had never really concerned her, or
+belonged to some different state of existence. She was at home, as she
+continually said to herself; she felt as if she was in some way more in
+the presence of her parents, as if their influence was sheltering her,
+and shielding her from all external ill, as in the days of yore. Happy
+they who can return after four years' trial as Marian did.
+
+She was preparing for Confirmation; for, to her great joy, she was in
+time to form one of Mr. Wortley's own flock, He gave her half an hour
+every other morning; and now it was that all the difficulties raised
+in her mind in arguments with Caroline, doubts with right or wrong, or
+questions why and wherefore, were either solved or smoothed down. Her
+principles were strengthened, her views were cleared up; she learnt the
+reasons of rules she had obeyed in ignorance, and perceived her own
+failures and their causes.
+
+These were her graver hours. At other times she read, drew, and studied
+German with Agnes, who gladly availed herself of the aid of one well
+crammed by London masters, and who could not but allow, even to the
+credit of her enemies, that they had made Marian very accomplished.
+
+There were long walks to every well-remembered hill and dell, with
+further expeditions planned against the return of the boys, and numerous
+visits to old friends at the cottages to present Marian's gifts, which
+had fairly overpowered Saunders' powers of packing. Delightful walks,
+how different from the parade on the chalk roads, over high hedges,
+through gaps doubly fenced with thorns, scrambling, at the risk of
+neck us well as of dress, over piles of fern and ivy-covered rocks, or
+hopping across brooks on extemporised stepping-stones, usually in the
+very thick of some _mauvais pas_, discussing some tremendous point of
+metaphysics or languages and breaking off in it to scream at the beauty
+of the view, or to pity a rent muslin.
+
+Marian and Agnes talked considerably now, and, allowing for the
+difference in age, just as they used to do. Marian's fears of her own
+coldness and doubts of her confidence in Agnes had all melted in her
+native atmosphere, and were quite forgotten. She could speak of the
+Lyddells now, though still she did not find fault with them, nor make
+complaints; indeed, it was Agnes' abuse of them that made her first
+discover that she had a regard for them.
+
+This prejudice, as she began to call it, seemed to her unaccountable,
+since she had never written complainingly, until she found at last,
+(which made her inclined to treat it with more respect,) that it
+was founded on what Edmund had reported. He had come to Fern Torr
+immediately after his visit to Oakworthy, very much out of spirits, and
+had poured out his anxieties to his friends, talking of Mr. and Mrs.
+Lyddell with less caution than he had used with Marian, and lamenting
+over the fate of his poor little cousins like something hopeless. Marian
+thought of Gerald, and her heart failed her, then she hoped again, for
+Gerald was coming home, and then she understood what Edmund had thought
+of it all, and knew that it was perfectly consistent with his last
+conversation with her. So she said that was four years ago, and that
+Edmund was very kind.
+
+
+The time of Gerald's arrival came. Charles and James Wortley preceded
+him by about a fortnight, and all that Marian saw of them made her
+rejoice in such companionship for him. Mr. Wortley drove her to meet him
+at Exeter, and never was greeting more joyful. Lionel had sent her a
+message that Oakworthy would be as dull as ditch water without her,
+and if she did not come back before the end of the holidays, he should
+certainly be obliged to go back to Eton again to find something to do.
+Having delivered this message, Gerald made both his companions laugh by
+gazing about as if surprised to find Exeter still in the same place, and
+wondering at reading all the old names over the shops.
+
+Marian was delighted that he recognised all the torrs on the drive home,
+and very proud of his height, his beauty, and his cordial, well-bred
+gentlemanlike manners, which gave the Wortleys general satisfaction.
+
+The first thing he did was to go out and visit his old pony in the
+paddock, patting it very affectionately, though he seemed much surprised
+that it was so small.
+
+In the evening they went to the Manor House. Marian had spent many hours
+there, sat in the empty rooms, wandered in the garden, and mused on past
+days, or dwelt on them with Agnes, and she had looked forward with great
+pleasure to having her brother there.
+
+She wished to have had him alone, but he asked Agnes and the boys to
+come, and they all set out together up the rocky steps, Gerald far
+before the rest, and when Marian came up to him he was standing on the
+lawn, at the top of the steps, looking at the house.
+
+"I thought it was larger," exclaimed he.
+
+"But, Gerald, see how high the magnolia has grown, and how nice and
+smooth old Lapthorn keeps the lawn. Does it not look as if we had gone
+away only yesterday?"
+
+"Yes, and there is the little larburnum that we planted. How it is
+grown! But how very small the house is."
+
+By this time the door had been opened by the old housekeeper, and
+Marian, running up to her, exclaimed, "Here he is, Mrs. White! Come,
+come, Gerald, come and speak to Mrs. White!"
+
+Gerald came, but with no readiness of manner. His "how d'ye do?" was
+shy and cold, and not at all answerable to her eager, almost tearful,
+"Pretty well, thank you, Sir. It is something to see you at home again,
+Sir Gerald; so tall, and looking so well. 'Tis almost old times again,
+to see you and Miss Marian."
+
+He stood silent, and Agnes spoke, "Yes, Mrs. White, is not he grown? It
+does not seem to be so very long before we shall really have them here
+for good."
+
+"Ah! Miss Wortley, that is what I have always wished to live for; I have
+always said, let me only live to see Sir Gerald come back, and find
+things in order as he left them, and then I would die contented."
+
+"No, no, live to keep his house many more years," said Marian. "It is
+four years less now you know, Mrs. White; only eight more before we
+shall be able to live here. For, I suppose you would like to have me
+back too."
+
+"I don't know Miss Marian; you will he married long before that, such a
+fine young lady as you are grown to be."
+
+Marian laughed and passed on into the house, sorry that Gerald had taken
+no part in the conversation. They went into the drawing-room, that room
+where he had wept so bitterly the day before his departure. Again his
+observation was, "I thought this room was twice the size. And so low!"
+
+"You have been looking in at the large end of a telescope lately,
+Gerald," said his sister with some sorrow in her tone, as she sat down
+on one of the brown holland muffled sofas, and looked up at her father's
+portrait, trying to find a likeness there to the face before her. There
+was the same high brow, the same dark eyes, the same straight features,
+the same bright open smile. Gerald was more like it, in some respects,
+than he had been, but there was a haughty, impetuous expression now
+and then on eye, brow, and lip, that found no parallel in the gentle
+countenance which, to Marian's present feelings, seemed to be turned
+towards him with an air of almost reproachful anxiety.
+
+Perhaps he saw some of the sadness of her expression, and; always
+affectionate, wished to please her by manifesting a little more of the
+feelings which really still existed. He came and stood by her, and
+whispered a few caressing words, which almost compensated for the
+vexation his carelessness had occasioned. He looked earnestly at the
+picture for a few moments, then, turning away, suddenly exclaimed, "I
+should like to see the old dressing-room."
+
+This was Lady Arundel's morning room, where many a lesson had been
+repeated, many a game played, and where, perhaps, more childish
+recollections centered than in any other part of the house. The brother
+and sister went thither alone, and much enjoyed looking into every
+well-known corner, and talking of the little events which had there
+taken place. This lasted for nearly a quarter of an hour, when they
+rejoined their companions to make the tour of the garden, &c. All was
+pleasant here, Gerald recollected every nook, and was delighted to find
+so much unchanged.
+
+"Let us just look into the stable yard," said he, as they were coming
+away. It was locked, but a message to Mrs. White procured the key, and
+they entered the neat deserted court, without one straw to make it look
+inhabited, though the hutch where the rabbits had lived was still in its
+place; and even in one corner the reversed flower-pot, which Gerald
+well remembered to have brought there to mount upon, in order to make
+investigations into a blackbird's nest, in the ivy on the wall.
+
+He now used the same flower-pot to enable him to peep in at the hazy
+window of the stable, and still more lamentable was his exclamation,
+"Can this be all! How very small!"
+
+"Nothing but low and little, you discontented boy," said Agnes.
+
+"Why, really, I could not believe it was on such a small scale," said
+Gerald. "Marian, now is it possible there can be only six stalls here?"
+
+"Why, what would have been the use of more?" said Marian.
+
+"Ah! why to be sure, there was no one to ride much," said Gerald. "But
+yet I can hardly imagine it! What could my father have done in his
+younger days? Only six stalls! And no loose box. Well, people had
+contracted notions in those days! And the yard so small! Why, the one at
+Oakworthy would make four of it."
+
+"And you had really managed to persuade yourself that this was a grander
+place than Oakworthy?" said Marian.
+
+Gerald made no answer; but after walking backwards till he had a
+full view of the stable and surrounding regions, broke out into the
+exclamation, "I see what is to be done! Take down that wall--let in
+a piece of the kitchen garden--get it levelled--and then extend it a
+little on the right side too. Yes, I see."
+
+"You are not talking of spoiling this place!" cried Agnes, in dismay.
+
+"Spoiling! only making it habitable," said Gerald. "How can a man live
+here with a stable with six stalls, and nothing like a kennel?"
+
+The utter impossibility of such an existence was so strongly impressed
+on the mind of the young baronet, that as soon as tea was over he
+commenced a sketch of his future stables, adding various explanations
+for the benefit of Charles and James. There was almost a daily quarrel
+on the subject with Agnes, and much laughing on each side; but Marian,
+afraid of making him more determined, took no part in it.
+
+Much might happen in eight years to make him change his mind, and this
+stable in the clouds might be endured, if everything else had been fully
+satisfactory.
+
+Very happy were the boys next morning, setting off to the woods to study
+the localities of the game; very happy were they fishing and rabbit
+shooting; very happy, galloping over the country by turns on the two
+ponies; very happy were the whole party in pic-nic expeditions, and in
+merry evening sports; but these could not take up every hour and every
+minute; and Marian could not help observing, that while Charles and
+James could always find some work on which to be employed in the
+intervals, Gerald was idle and listless. There were hours in the morning
+when they had their Latin and Greek to study, while Gerald was usually
+loitering in the drawing-room. That he should voluntarily touch Latin
+or Greek in the holidays was perhaps more than mortal could expect;
+but that he should not read anything was disappointing. The vicarage
+afforded no periodical novels, no slang tales of low life, no manuals
+of sporting. The Waverley novels he had read long ago, and nothing of
+a more solid description would he touch; so his mornings were chiefly
+spent in drawing caricatures, and chattering to his sister and Agnes. He
+was indeed very amusing, but this was not all that could be desired. Now
+and then there were stories of feats which did not seem likely to be
+those of the best and wisest set of boys; and his idea of the life of
+a boy, if not of man, was plainly that it was to be spent in taking
+pleasure and shirking work. Then he took in a sporting paper, and used
+to entertain them with comments on the particulars of the races, and of
+bets, which no one in the house understood but himself; but these were
+never in the presence of either Mr. or Mrs. Wortley, where he was on his
+guard.
+
+In these intervals of idleness, Marian tried to persuade him several
+times to write to Edmund, who would be glad to have a report fresh from
+home. He always said he would soon set about a letter, but the time
+never came, though she more than once arranged pen, paper, and ink in
+readiness for him. He had recently received a letter from his cousin,
+but he had torn it up, and could not remember anything about the
+contents.
+
+Something between bashfulness and pride produced conduct which could
+not but appear like arrant haughtiness to the villagers, who had looked
+forward eagerly to seeing their young landlord. If Marian tried to
+bring him to speak to some poor old man, his answer was, "Give him this
+half-crown, then, that will do just as well!" and he walked off out
+of reach, while she remained to present the gift, and hear in answer,
+"Thank you kindly, Miss; I should like to see the young gentleman
+himself, but I daresay he does not like poor people."
+
+If this was the feeling where there was half-a-crown to sweeten the
+neglect, what was it where such a propitiatory offering was out of the
+question, and where the original connection had been closer, among the
+old servants, the dependants and tenants? His lofty acknowledgment
+of their bows,--his short, reluctant "Good morning," when forced to
+speak,--and his willingness to escape from their presence, contrasted
+ill with the cordial greetings with which his cousin Edmund had always
+hailed each Fern Torr person as a friend. Indeed, "that nice young
+gentleman, Master Edmund," began to be recollected with regrets, which,
+had the Manor been a kingdom, might have amounted to treason towards the
+young heir.
+
+Marian grieved at this behaviour, and would have attempted to argue
+him out of it, but he gave her scarcely any opportunity of a serious
+conversation; and Mr. Wortley gave him more than one hint, which, though
+be took it with perfect courtesy, never mended matters. Yet with all
+this, he was so agreeable, so good-natured and gentlemanlike, so
+pleasant a guest, and so affectionate a brother, that Mr. and Mrs.
+Wortley could not help liking him very much; and if they saw anything
+amiss, they did not pain his sister by speaking of it. Her misgivings
+were too vague and undetermined for her to be willing to consult
+Mr. Wortley; if she thought at one time that she would, she grew so
+frightened and reluctant whenever an occasion came, that she let it pass
+by; and she was divided between blame to herself for doing nothing, when
+a few words might be the rescue of her brother, and self-reproach for
+doing him cruel injustice.
+
+Nay, she even defended him more than once, when Agnes was shocked. She
+protected a shirt, illustrated by his own hand, in marking-ink, with
+cricketers, which caused infinite scandal to the washerwomen of Fern
+Torr. She defended slang words, which Agnes, from not understanding
+them, fancied worse than they really were; and she never failed to say
+he did not mean to be unkind, whenever he was neglectful of the poor
+people. She was displeased with herself afterwards for speaking in
+favour of these things, for she well knew them to be only parts of the
+whole system which grieved her; but still she could not help it.
+
+These thoughts were suspended by the solemn time approaching. Her
+confirmation-day came, and she stood among the maidens of her own home
+and village, who had been baptized in the same font, and shared with her
+the same instructions. Simultaneously with them she pronounced her vow;
+and perhaps it was a repining thought which crossed her mind,--"Why am
+I not like these, to remain in this peaceful nest, not sent forth to
+be wearied and tried by that glittering world of unrest, which I thus
+renounce?"
+
+She knelt to receive the blessing, which brought with it the trust that
+the peace of that moment might dwell with her, refresh her, and shield
+her "as oft as sin and sorrow tire." And when her eye fell on her
+brother, it was with more hope, for now she could better pray for him.
+Whatever might happen, it could never hurt the memory of that awful
+yet soothing hour, nor of that first Communion when she knelt near her
+parents' graves between Mrs. Wortley and Agnes; the whole air filled
+with the prayers of those on earth and in heaven who loved her best; nor
+of her walk in the garden afterwards with Mr. Wortley, when he plainly
+spoke to her of her life as one of peculiar trial and temptation, and
+warned her how to be in the world, and yet not of the world.
+
+The nest event of the visit to Fern Torr was Saunders' wedding. Saunders
+did not love Oakworthy, still less Mrs. Lyddell, and least of all Mrs.
+Price, the ladies' maid; and when she found herself at Fern Torr again,
+and heard Mr. David Chapple renew his tender speeches, the return
+thither became more and more difficult; and one day, while plaiting her
+young lady's hair, she communicated to her with a great gush of tears,
+that, though she could not bear to think of leaving her, and would not
+on any account cause her any inconvenience, she began to think it was
+time to think about her marriage.
+
+It was a stroke to Marian to hear of losing any old familiar face, and
+her look of dismay was a great satisfaction to Saunders; but she could
+bear it better than she could once have done, and there were reasons
+which made a change not so very much to be regretted even by her.
+The quarrels between Saunders and the rest of the household were not
+agreeable, and what she now felt to be a serious evil, was that habit of
+complaining to her, and telling her stories against the family, of which
+Edmund had warned her long ago. She had tried to discourage it, but,
+once begun, it had never been entirely discontinued; and Marian felt it
+to be wrong in every way.
+
+She made up her mind, therefore, with greater philosophy than could have
+been expected, to the loss of Saunders; and was further consoled by
+finding it gave hey an opportunity of promoting a nice young Fern Torr
+damsel, too delicate for hard work, who had been taught dressmaking, and
+whom Saunders undertook to instruct in the mysteries of the hair, quite
+sufficiently to carry her on till they went to London, and she could
+take lessons from some grand frizeur.
+
+Mrs. Lyndell was written to, and gave her consent to the hiring of
+Fanny, and Marian and Agnes were so delighted at the opening thus made
+for her, that Saunders would have been jealous if she had not been too
+happily engaged in her own preparations.
+
+As to Gerald he made a dreadful face when he first heard of Saunders'
+intentions; but as her going made no difference to his comfort, he soon
+became resigned. David was an old acquaintance, whom he liked because
+he belonged to the genus groom; so he made no objection to his sister's
+attending the wedding. He presented the bride with a tea-set, splendid
+with gilding, and surprised every one by walking into Mr. Wortley's
+kitchen in the midst of the bridal entertainment, and proposing the
+health of the happy pair.
+
+Marian was to return under Gerald's escort, at the end of the holidays.
+He was to go on to Eton, leaving her at the railway station, where she
+was to be met by the Lyddells' carriage. The last letter arrived,
+in which arrangements respecting time and train were to be finally
+confirmed. It was, as usual, from Caroline; and as she opened it, Marian
+gave a sudden start.
+
+"Eh?" said Gerald, "whose mare's dead? Not Elliot's Queen Pomare, I
+hope!"
+
+"No, but Miss Morley is going."
+
+"O!" cried Gerald, "I hope she has been reading some more letters."
+
+"Not quite," said Marian smiling.
+
+"Well, but is it directly? I suppose you did not think she was to stay
+there for life? Has she been in any mischief, that you look so shocked?"
+
+Marian really could not help discovering that she was not without
+tenderness of feeling for Miss Morley, and did not like to proclaim, in
+Caroline's strong and rather satirical language, across the breakfast
+table, that Mrs. Lyddell had discovered by accident that she and her
+pupil were in the habit of amusing themselves with novels which were
+far better unread. After reading quickly to the end of the letter, she
+answered, "O, she has been reading books with Clara that Mrs. Lyddell
+did not approve."
+
+"A triumph! a triumph!" cried Agnes. "Now Marian will never attempt to
+defend Miss Morley again."
+
+"What, not the poor unfortunate faithful? How can you think me so base?"
+returned Marian. "Besides, poor thing, she really is very kind-hearted,
+and has very little harm in her. I dare say it was more Clara's fault
+than hers,"
+
+"Well done, Marian, striking right and left!" observed James Wortley.
+
+"How long has Miss Morley been at Oakworthy?" asked Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"She came about a year before we did," replied Marian.
+
+"Her predecessor, Miss Cameron, must have been a very different person;
+Caroline and Walter always speak of her with such respect."
+
+"Poor unfortunate!" broke out Gerald. "Well, if it had not been for
+Marian's letters, I should not have hated her so much. When one was
+making a row, she never did anything worse than say, 'Now Sir Gerald!'"
+which he gave with her peculiarly unauthoritative, piteous, imploring
+drawl.
+
+"There was something in that title of 'poor unfortunate,' peculiarly
+appropriate," said Marian, laughing, "as I am afraid that it is now,
+poor thing. She is to leave Oakworthy immediately, and I do not know
+that she has any relation but an old aunt."
+
+Mr. and Mrs. Wortley agreed with Marian that it was a melancholy case,
+but the others were too triumphant to be compassionate; and Gerald
+amused Agnes half the morning with ludicrous stories of her
+inefficiency.
+
+Marian was thoughtful all day; and at last, when sitting alone with Mrs.
+Wortley and Agnes, exclaimed, "Poor Miss Morley! I really am very sorry
+for her; I did not know I liked her so well."
+
+"Absence is the great charm with Marian," said Agnes, laughing; "we
+learn now what makes her so affectionate to us."
+
+"No, but really, Agnes, when one has been living in constant intercourse
+for four years, and often receiving kindness from a person, is it
+possible to hear of her being sent away in disgrace and poverty without
+caring about it?"
+
+"O yes; I know; after having lived in the same house with a kitchen
+poker for four years, you get so attached to it that it gives you a pang
+to part with it. No, but the comparison is no compliment to the poker;
+that is firm enough, at any rate,--a down cushion would be better."
+
+"An attachment to a down cushion is nothing to be ashamed of, Agnes,"
+said her mother.
+
+"And Miss Morley did deserve some attachment, indeed," said Marian. "She
+was so ready to oblige, and she really did many and many a kind thing by
+the servants; and I believe she quite denied herself, for the sake of
+her old aunt. She was not fit for a governess, to be sure; but that was
+more her misfortune than her fault, poor thing."
+
+"How do you make that out?" said Agnes.
+
+"Why, she was obliged to got her own living; and what other way had
+she? She was educated for it, and had everything but the art of gaining
+authority."
+
+"And high principle," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"But," said Marian, growing eager in her defence, "she really did know
+right from wrong. She would remonstrate, and tell us things that were
+every word good and true, only she did it with so little force, that
+they were apt not to mind her; and then it was no wonder that she grew
+dispirited, and sunk into poor unfortunate."
+
+"Yes," said Agnes, "I can understand it all; she was in a situation that
+she was not fit for, and failed."
+
+"She would have been very different in another situation, most
+probably," said Mrs. Wortley, "where she and the children were not so
+much left to each other's mercy."
+
+"Yes; Mrs. Lyddell never mended matters," said Marian. "She did not back
+up or strengthen her, but only frightened her, till she was quite as
+ready to conceal what was amiss as her pupils. And that intimacy with
+Clara was a very unlucky thing; it drew her down without drawing Clara
+up."
+
+"I suppose that was the origin of the catastrophe," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"I should think so; they have been more alone together lately, for I am
+sure this could never have happened when Caroline was in the schoolroom.
+And her making a friend of Clara was no wonder, so forlorn and solitary
+as she must have been." And Marian sighed with fellow-feeling for her.
+
+"An intimate, not a friend," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"And I could better fancy making a friend of Miss Lyddell," said Agnes.
+"I can't say my tete-a-tete with Miss Clara made me desire much more of
+her confidence."
+
+"Clara is more caressing," said Marian. "I think I am most fond of her,
+though Caroline is--O! quite another thing. But what I wanted was to ask
+you, Mrs. Wortley, if you thought I might write to poor Miss Morley, and
+ask if there is anything I can do for her. I can't bear to think of her
+going away without wishing her good-bye, or showing any feeling for her
+in her distress."
+
+"How very right and kind of you, Marian," exclaimed Agnes, "after all
+her injustice--"
+
+"I do not think it would be advisable, my dear," said Mrs. Wortley; "it
+would seem like putting yourself in opposition to Mrs. Lyddell, and
+might be pledging yourself, in a manner, to recommend her, which, with
+your opinion of her, you could not well do."
+
+"O, no, no, except in some particular case. Yes, I suppose you are
+right; but I don't feel happy to take no notice."
+
+"Perhaps something may occur on your return, when you understand the
+matter more fully; or, at any rate, if you are writing to Oakworthy, you
+might send some message of farewell, kind remembrances, or love."
+
+"Those are so unmeaning and conventional that I hate them," said Marian.
+
+"Yes, but their want of meaning is their advantage here. They are merely
+kindly expressions of good will."
+
+"And they will mean more from you," added Agnes, "as you never have the
+civility to use them on ordinary occasions."
+
+"Well, I will take your advice," said Marian, "and thank you, Mrs.
+Wortley; I only wish--"
+
+The wish ended in a sigh, as Marian sat down to commence--"My dear
+Caroline."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+  "But we are women when boys are but boys;
+  Heav'n gives us grace to ripen and grow wise,
+  Some six years earlier. I thank heav'n for it:
+  We grow upon the sunny side of the wall."
+
+  TAYLOR.
+
+
+It certainly was quite involuntary on Agnes Wortley's part, but when
+the time came for returning to Oakworthy, Marian was conscious of more
+kindly and affectionate feelings towards it and its inhabitants than she
+had ever expected to entertain for them. She did not love Fern Torr or
+the Wortleys less; she had resumed her confidence and sympathy with
+Agnes, and felt the value of Mrs. Wortley more than ever; and it quite
+made her heart ache to think how long it would be before she saw another
+purple hill or dancing streamlet, and that she should not be there to
+see her dear old myrtle's full pride of blossom. But, on the other hand,
+her room at Oakworthy, with its treasures, was a sort of home; and she
+looked forward to it gladly, when once she was out of sight of the
+moors.
+
+The train had stopped and gone on again from the last station before
+that where they were to leave it for Oakworthy, when Gerald, coming
+across to the seat by her side, said, "Marian, I say, can you lend me a
+couple of pounds?"
+
+"Why, Gerald, what can you want with them?"
+
+"Never mind; only be a good girl, and let me have them."
+
+"You had plenty of money when you came to Fern Torr. How could you have
+got rid of it all?"
+
+"Come, come, Marian, don't be tiresome. Haven't I had to give to all the
+old women in the place?"
+
+"But do you really mean that you have no money?"
+
+"O yes, I have some, but not what I want. Come, I know you keep
+California in your pocket. What harm can it do you?"
+
+After all Marian's presents at Fern Torr, it was not quite as
+convenient, as Gerald fancied, to part with two pounds; but that was not
+the best motive to put forward, nor was it her reason for hesitating.
+
+"I don't know whether it is right; that is the thing, Gerald."
+
+"Right! why where is the right or wrong in it?"
+
+"I am afraid it may do you harm," said she, in a trembling, doubtful
+voice.
+
+"Stuff! I'll take care of that!"
+
+"If you would only tell me what you want it for?"
+
+"I tell you, Marian, I can't do without it; I don't know what I shall
+do, if you won't give it to me."
+
+"Debts! O Gerald, you have not got into debt?"
+
+"Well, and what do you look so scared about? Do you think they will kill
+me?"
+
+"O, Gerald, Gerald, this proves it all."
+
+"It? what?" said Gerald. "Come, don't be so like a girl! I have not been
+doing any thing wrong, I tell you, and it is all your fault if I can't
+get clear."
+
+"With such an allowance as you have, O Gerald, how could you? And how
+could you throw about money at home, when you knew you were in debt?"
+
+"You talk as if I had been ruining my wife and ten small children,"
+cried Gerald, impatiently. "A fine fuss about making a few pounds stand
+over till next half. But you women go headlong at it, never see the
+rights of a thing. So, you won't? Well, it is your doing now!"
+
+"I can't see any end to it," said Marian, reflectingly. "If I thought
+you would make a resolution--but you will be without money at all, and
+how are you to get through this half? O, Gerald! better write to Mr.
+Lyddell at once, and he will set you straight, and you can begin fresh."
+
+Gerald made a face of utter contempt. The steam whistle was heard; they
+were stopping. "There is an end of it, then" said he, angrily. "I did
+not think you had been so ill-natured; it is all your fault, I tell you.
+I thought you cared for me."
+
+This was dreadful; Marian's purse was in her hand, and she began "O
+Gerald dear, anything but that!"--when they found themselves close in
+front of the station, and Lionel pulling at the door of their carriage,
+and calling fiercely to the porter to unlock them.
+
+Caroline was standing on the platform, and there was a tumult of
+greetings and inquiries for luggage to be taken out and put in. Gerald
+ran to see that his goods were separated from his sister's; Lionel shook
+hands with Marian, and scolded her for staying away all the holidays;
+roared to the porter that his portmanteau was for Slough, then turned
+again to say, "You've heard of poor unfortunate, Marian?"
+
+The bell rang; Gerald ran back; Marian knew she was weak, but could
+not help it,--she squeezed the two sovereigns into his hand, and was
+comforted for the moment by his affectionate farewell. Lionel and he
+threw themselves into their carriage, and were whisked off.
+
+"There!" said Caroline. "Now come along. O, I am so glad you are come; I
+have so much to say."
+
+Marian could not dwell on Gerald; she put her arm within Caroline's,
+looked back to see Fanny safe under the care of an Oakworthy footman,
+and soon was in the carriage.
+
+"Well, Caroline; and how is every one?"
+
+"Pretty well, considering the revulsion of ideas we have all undergone.
+Poor Miss Morley left plenty of farewells for you. You can't think haw
+pleased she was with your message."
+
+"Poor thing! Where is she?"
+
+"At her aunt's; she went on Monday. Mamma was impatient to have it over.
+You know her ways."
+
+Marian knew that this intimated that Caroline thought her mother had
+not been kind; and she doubted whether to continue her inquiries;
+but Caroline was too eager to tell, to wait for questions, and
+proceeded:--"There had been dissatisfaction for a long time, as I
+believe you may have guessed; mamma thought Clara backward, and wanting
+in what Miss Morley calls 'the solid;' and at last, coming suddenly into
+the schoolroom at twelve o'clock one fine day, she found reason good,
+for they were very comfortably reading M. Eugene Sue."
+
+"O, Caroline, impossible!"
+
+"Too possible," said Caroline, "though I would not believe it at first.
+However, they did not know what it was when they began, and were
+afterwards too much bewitched with the story to leave off; and as they
+felt it was wrong, they read it the more constantly to get it over
+faster."
+
+"But how in the world could they get such a book?"
+
+"From the circulating library. It appears that they found the evenings
+rather dull in London this spring, when we were all out, and so began a
+little secret hiring, which was continued at Oakworthy, and with a worse
+choice of books."
+
+"That she should be so little to be trusted!"
+
+"Nay, Marian, who could live with her half-an-hour in the schoolroom,
+and think she could?"
+
+"Certainly, she often puzzled me when first I came."
+
+"And you never saw the worst. You always kept order, after you came."
+
+"O, Caroline, what nonsense!"
+
+"Yes, indeed you did. I do assure you that, scores of times, the
+knowledge that your great eyes were wondering at me has kept me from
+bullying Miss Morley into letting me do what I knew to be wrong. I could
+persuade her and deceive myself, but I could not persuade you; and then
+all the rest went for nothing, because you were sure to be right."
+
+"It is very easy to see the right for other people," said Marian, with
+rather a sad smile.
+
+"Yes, only other people don't mind that, unless you do the right
+for yourself; and that is the thing in you, Marian. If you had said
+anything, I should not have minded it half so much; but your 'I don't
+know,' cut me home."
+
+"I am sorry--"
+
+"No, don't be sorry, for I am glad. If you had not come before all the
+good of Miss Cameron had gone off from me, what should I have been? O,
+Marian, I am very glad you are come back; I did not know I liked you
+half so well till you were gone."
+
+"I am sure I might say the same" almost whispered Marian, in a choked
+tone, under her bonnet. Caroline caught it up eagerly, and seizing her
+by both hands, exclaimed, stooping forward to peep at her face, "Marian,
+Marian, do you say so? And are you really not so very miserable at
+coming back to us?"
+
+A tear, one of Marian's very reluctant tears, actually rushed from her
+eye, and with a hard struggle to speak, she said, "Miserable! how can
+you say so? You are so very kind to me."
+
+"And do you not hate us?" said Caroline, with, an arch look of delight,
+then softened into something of mournfulness. "Nay, I did not mean that;
+but you can bear to be with us after your own Agnes,--after those good
+people,--after such a home as Fern Torr?"
+
+"O, Caroline, this is very unlike my first coming to you!"
+
+"Yes, I know we were not kind; we were not as we ought to have been to
+you."
+
+"No, no, no; I was stiff and disagreeable; I would not be pleased," said
+Marian, forgetting all coldness but her own.
+
+"No wonder. O, Marian," and Caroline's voice trembled, "no one knows
+better than I do how much there is to be lamented in our ways of going
+on,--how different our house is from Fern Torr." Marian could not say
+no. "You were too good for us; you are still, I would not see you like
+us; but if we could make you comfortable enough to think Oakworthy not
+an exile, but something like a home, how glad I should be!"
+
+Marian laid her hand on Caroline's arm; and, with an effort that cost
+her a spasm in her throat, she said, "You have!" Not another word could
+she get out; but this was enough. Caroline kissed her for the first time
+in her life, except at the formal partings at bed-time, and there were
+tears on both their faces. After a time, Caroline broke into the flood
+of thoughts in her cousin's mind, by saying, playfully, "When folks are
+missed, then they are mourned, people say; and I am sure you deserve the
+compliment, for till you were gone, I never knew your value. How many
+silly fancies of Clara's have flourished, for want of your indifference
+to put them down! How stupid it has been not to have you to read with,
+or talk to! How lonely the drawing-room has been, and nothing but
+nonsense if I went to the schoolroom. And then the boys,--Lionel has
+been so unruly there was no bearing it, and grumbling for you every day;
+and Johnny,--O, Marian, do you know it is settled that Johnny goes to
+sea, after all?"
+
+"Johnny! I know he wished it, but I thought Mrs. Lyddell never would
+make up her mind to it."
+
+"Ah! there have been storms in the higher quarters," said Caroline, with
+would-be gaiety. "You are very lucky to have been away all this time,
+for it has been by no means a serene sky. You know," she proceeded with
+gravity, "they say the times are bad; well, in the midst of papa's
+vexation at the tenants asking for a reduction of rent, in came a whole
+lot of Elliot's long bills, which made papa lecture Walter and me one
+whole evening on economy, and caused him to be extremely annoyed with
+everything and everybody, and to say mamma must give up her opposition
+to Johnny's being a sailor; and I never saw mamma take anything so
+really to heart. It has been very uncomfortable; and in the midst came
+this business of poor Miss Morley, who had rather harder measure in
+consequence."
+
+"Poor little woman! Well, she was very good-natured," said Marian, glad
+to turn the conversation from this account of family matters, not given
+in the pleasantest style, but rather as if Caroline was trying to
+conceal her real feelings by an air of satire.
+
+"She was like a child in authority. You see, we, who know her well,
+never think of blaming her as if she had originated the mischief; while
+mamma, who never did know her, cannot be persuaded that she simply
+yielded to Clara."
+
+"That is not exactly the object one desires in a governess," said
+Marian. "Well, poor thing! and how is Clara? is she very sorry?"
+
+"I really can hardly tell. I have been vexed with Clara myself, to tell
+you the truth; for I thought she acted shabbily. The blame passed over
+her, and lighted on Miss Morley; and she did not stretch out a hand to
+help her. Now Clara knew that it was wrong to read those books, just as
+well as you or I; indeed, it was all her doing; and I could not bear
+to see, her thinking herself innocent, and led into the scrape by Miss
+Morley. She did cry excessively, and was very unhappy when she found
+Miss Morley was really going, and the parting was heart-rending; but
+then the very next day, in spite of their confidential friendship, she
+began to disclose the poor woman's follies one after another, till I am
+quite tired of hearing of them. They must have grown much worse than
+they were in our time. I never knew then that she was always fancying
+people were in love with her."
+
+"T wonder what she will do!"
+
+"She would not be a bad governess where the mother looked after the
+children. Well, I hope she will soon get another situation, poor thing!"
+
+"Yes, indeed, for I am afraid she never saved anything."
+
+"O, no, she frittered all her money away, and always was poor at
+quarter-day; and she has only that old aunt to take care of her."
+
+"Poor thing, poor thing! If she would but have been firmer. And is Clara
+to have another governess?"
+
+"No, mamma thinks her too old; but I am sure I hope she is to develope
+more. I do not think you or I were like her at fifteen."
+
+"I think," said Marian, meditatively, "that Miss Morley and Clara helped
+what--was not wise in each other."
+
+"Yes, that is my hope,--that when Clara is out of her influence, she may
+grow wiser. People's minds do grow at different times, you know. Poor
+little Clara! I want Walter to talk to her, but it is hard to bring
+about; for they seem to have no common subject. Ours is a very odd
+household; we all go our own ways in our own worlds. Papa and mamma each
+have their way; and Elliot his way. Walter stands alone too; then I am a
+sort of connecting-link between the schoolroom set and mamma,--yes, and
+with Walter too: while the three boys are a party by themselves. O,
+Marian, no wonder you did not like us."
+
+"Say no more of that, pray, Caroline."
+
+She made no answer, but after a pause, suddenly exclaimed, "Nothing
+would matter, if it was not for Elliot. He is the root of all that has
+gone wrong."
+
+"Is he at home?"
+
+"No; he went last week, and the storm lulled then. O, Marian, I am weary
+of it all! But it is one comfort that you are come."
+
+Caroline certainly looked very much harassed, and her words showed that
+every one had been out of temper, and she had been obliged to bear it
+all. Marian was very sorry, and felt quite fond of her, as she answered,
+with a kind tone, "Thank you."
+
+"Walter has been the only comfort; but then he has been very unhappy
+too. I am afraid he knows more and worse of Elliot than he chooses to
+tell me. And then he is so busy,--going up for his degree, you know,
+after the vacation, and so nervous about it, that I have not liked to
+talk to him about anything tiresome, because, poor fellow, he is
+quite worried enough already. Well, but now tell me about pleasanter
+things--your pretty Agnes, how is she? and Gerald?--I wanted to have
+seen more of him. Was not he in glory?"
+
+"O, yes," said Marian, as a pang shot through her at this recall of her
+anxieties.
+
+"And tell me the whole story of Saunders' wedding."
+
+The two cousins had so much to say, that the long reaches of white chalk
+road and the bare downs had hardly time to pain Marian's eye; and she
+was surprised so soon to find herself in the well-known street of
+Oakworthy.
+
+It was not a hopeful prospect with which to return, after so happy a
+summer as she had spent; and yet a degree of trouble gave Marian a
+kindlier feeling towards the Lyddells. If it had not been for Gerald,
+she would have arrived at Oakworthy in a bright temper. Even now the
+discontent had been expelled by the dispositions fostered by Mr.
+Wortley; and if there was a weight on her, it was not a burthen of
+selfish repining,--the worst burthen of all. That Caroline had really
+missed her,--that Caroline loved her,--was a discovery that warmed
+her heart, and inclined her more than all before to look kindly on
+Oakworthy, when she drove up to the door, and met Clara in the hall.
+
+Clara hung upon her, and overwhelmed her with kisses; Mrs. Lyddell
+received her just as she had done before; and Walter shook hands
+cordially, as if he was very glad to see her again. The talk went on
+about visits and engagements, and each moment made Marian feel that her
+Sunday world had passed from her, and her workday world begun again.
+
+Clara came to her room with her, partly to see her new maid, and partly
+to talk with her about Miss Morley; but Marian, not wishing to have
+Fanny immediately astonished by her random way of talking, gave a sort
+of stern look and sign, which silenced poor Clara on that subject. There
+were plenty more, however, and she talked on fast; indeed, Marian had
+not two minutes alone that whole evening, till, somewhere towards
+half-past eleven, her cousins bade her a final good-night.
+
+She had time at last to think over that parting with Gerald, which had
+hung heavily on her all this time, without her being able to enter upon
+the subject with herself. What did it mean? Was it so very bad a sign?
+Did it really confirm all her fears? or was it not possible that he
+might have got into some chance difficulty? Might he not be careless and
+extravagant, without being seriously in fault? Yes; but this was but of
+a piece with other things which she had observed. Alone, it might not
+have been so alarming; but even apart from this, she could not be quite
+happy about him, after all she had observed. And had she been weak? had
+she done what was bad for him? O, for some one to consult!--some one
+under whose charge to put him! Was it her own fault that she had missed
+the opportunity with Mr. Wortley!
+
+To pray for him was all that could be done, and it in some degree
+stilled that aching feeling in her heart. Yet, whenever she woke in the
+night, she seemed to hear Caroline saying, "If it was not for Elliot!"
+with a foreboding that "If it was not for Gerald!" might be on her
+tongue in the same manner, for the rest of her life.
+
+Every time Gerald's name was mentioned, there was a pang; every time
+she thought of him in solitude, the fear and anxiety gained strength.
+Consciousness of ignorance added to its poignancy; and young as she was,
+it would be hard to describe how much suffering she underwent in secret,
+night after night, as she lay awake, in her perplexed musings on that
+one absorbing thought. Yet they were like those vague nightly terrors
+of wolves, darkness, or mysterious horrors, from which little children
+often suffer so much, without revealing them, and entirely shake off by
+day; for Marian awoke in the morning to cheerfulness and activity, with
+spirits undepressed, full of interest in things around; and only when
+reminded of her fears, secretly wincing at the sudden throb of pain.
+
+Marian's days were more at her own disposal than formerly. She might do
+as she pleased all the morning,--sit in her own room, and choose her own
+occupation; and she was just beginning to think over two or three bright
+plans of usefulness. She would make a series of copies, from prints, of
+Scripture subjects, for the Fern Torr children; she would translate some
+stories for them, and she had devised many other things to be done; when
+Caroline one day said to her, "Marian, I don't know if it is asking a
+great deal, but if you could sit with us sometimes in the morning, it
+would be a great gain. Mamma wants me to read with Clara. Now, you know
+I have no authority; and doing it for a lesson, as if it was for Clara's
+good, will only make her hate it, and pay no attention at all. But if we
+read together, as if it was for our own benefit, she will join in, and
+think it a womanly thing."
+
+Marian smiled at the ingenuity of the scheme, such as she would have
+been a great deal too awkward, as well as too straightforward ever to
+devise. It was a case where "no" could not have been said, but there
+were many ways of acting a no; and Marian was so sorry to give up the
+Scripture drawings, the idea of which had greatly delighted her when
+proposed by Agnes, that she had it in her heart to have backed out of it
+as often as she could. A little thought, however, convinced her, that to
+help Caroline's plans for her sister's good was the foremost duty, that
+to avoid it would be positive wrong and unkindness; so she resolved
+to lend herself to it with all her might, even though Agnes might be
+disappointed.
+
+And pray, why should Agnes be disappointed? Why were the drawing and
+reading incompatible? Marian had taught herself to think it impossible
+to do anything for Fern Torr, in public, for fear of being laughed at,
+or observed upon; and these drawings, which were of sacred subjects, and
+further involved some alterations of her own, would, she thought, be
+worse than any. She mused a long time whether this was right feeling or
+foolish bashfulness, and decided at last that it was a little of the
+former trying to justify a great deal of the latter, and that Caroline
+and Clara were not the same thing as Miss Morley and all the boys; so
+with an effort, which, considering the occasion, was almost absurd in
+its magnitude, she brought her portfolio down, began to draw, and did
+not experience anything unpleasant in consequence. It was one of her
+first practical lessons in the fancifulness of her shyness. Her cousins
+took interest in what she was about, admired, and helped her to hunt
+up subjects to make her series complete; indeed the three girls were
+exceedingly comfortable together, and a pleasant, mutual good-feeling
+constantly grew between them. Clara was certainly becoming less childish
+and silly when no longer nominally under the authority of Miss Morley,
+and the confidante of all her follies, but the companion of two sensible
+girls, young and bright enough to enter into all the liveliness about
+her that was not silliness and a great deal that was, and to drive away
+some of her nonsense by laughing at it.
+
+The mornings were thus pleasant and satisfactory, the afternoons were
+less certain to be agreeable. If there was a ride, it was delightful,
+if a walk, it was all very well; but there was a third contingency, to
+which Marian had become liable, of being carried forth with her green
+card-case on a morning visiting expedition by Mrs. Lyddell, and this was
+one which required all her powers of resignation, though the misfortune
+was much more imaginary than real.
+
+There were three chances of the way of spending the evening too. The
+first, the family party alone, this was pretty well, and though not
+charming, was by far the best; Mrs. Lyddell's talk was agreeable, and to
+sit with Caroline, and perhaps with the addition of Walter, at the small
+table, working, reading, and talking, was as quiet and comfortable a way
+of passing the time as might be. A dinner party at home was next best,
+for she had her own quiet corners of conversation, and Walter would
+sometimes come and take shelter there too, and get into a talk, as well
+as if the room were empty of company, sometimes better, because his
+mother could not hear him, and he was never so backward in telling his
+real mind, as in her hearing. Worst of all was a party from home, where
+she knew few persons, and disliked all she knew.
+
+Unhappily, this was generally her feeling towards all the neighbourhood;
+and though it may seem to be a strong expression, it is scarcely too
+much to say that in Marian's habitual frame she looked on every one that
+could be considered as company in the light of natural enemies, leagued
+to prevent her walks and rides, to tease her, and to spoil her evenings.
+
+This was partly the result of her constitutional shyness, but it would
+have gone off, by this time, if she had not fostered it by imbibing Lady
+Marchmont's exclusiveness. Marian would have been shocked to realize how
+she despised and scorned her acquaintance--why? the answer would have
+been hard to find--because they were company--because they were the
+world--because they were Mrs. Lyddell's society--because she was
+superior? How or why? She disdained them all, without knowing it, and
+far less knowing why. She complied scrupulously with every rule of
+formal politeness, and had become a tolerable mistress, by rote, of such
+common-place small talk as served to fulfil her part, and make her not
+feel herself absurd, but this was all; she would not let herself be
+pleased or amused, she would not open her eyes to anything good or
+agreeable about the people, except a very few favoured ones, chiefly
+clergymen or their wives.
+
+It was very wrong, it was Marian's one great fault at this period of her
+life, and it had the effect of making her almost disliked. Clara had
+scarcely said too much in telling Agnes that her pride was often
+remarked, for Mrs. Lyddell's neighbours were just the people to fancy
+pride where it was not, especially where the rank was superior to their
+own. Tall, handsome, and outwardly self-possessed, Miss Arundel did not
+gain credit, from superficial observers, for shyness, and was looked
+upon as a very haughty ungracious girl, while it was whispered that Mrs.
+Lyddell had had a great deal of trouble with her.
+
+The autumn passed on in this manner, and towards its close, Elliot
+returned from shooting in Scotland, and announced that his friend, Mr.
+Faulkner, was coming to Oakworthy, to look at an estate, which was for
+sale in the neighbourhood.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was pleased, and questioned her son about Mr. Faulkner's
+thousands a-year; then turning to Marian, said,
+
+"Surely, Marian, you know him; I heard of your meeting him and Lady
+Julia at Lady Marchmont's."
+
+"Yes," said Marian, with her face of rigidity.
+
+"Ah! yes, to be sure, he told me so," said Elliot.
+
+"Any one but Marian would be impatient to know what he said of her,"
+said Caroline.
+
+"Do you want to know yourself, Caroline?" said Elliot; "shall I tell
+you?"
+
+"Yes, do," said Caroline, in her curiosity, forgetting that Marian might
+be pained.
+
+"Ah! you ought to be warned if you want to set your cap at him, for
+she has forestalled you. Let me see, what was it he said? O, that Lady
+Marchmont would scarcely be alone in her glory long, for, for such as
+liked the style of thing, her cousin was as perfect a piece of carving
+in white marble as he ever had seen."
+
+White marble was certainly not the comparison for Marian's cheeks at
+that moment; it was pain and horror to her even to hear that she had
+been spoken of between Elliot and Mr. Faulkner, and to be told it in
+this manner, in public, was perfectly dreadful. She could neither sink
+under the table nor run away, so with crimson face and neck, she kept
+her post on the sofa, and every one saw she was intensely annoyed.
+Elliot, who had told it in a mischief-making spirit, fancying he should
+make his sister jealous, walked away, amusing himself with the notion
+that he had sown the dragon's teeth; Caroline was very sorry to have
+caused such painful blushes, yet was proud to hear of Marian's being
+admired; and Mrs. Lyddell said not a word, but worked on with a jerk at
+her thread, trying to persuade herself that she was not vexed that, as
+Elliot said, her daughter had been forestalled.
+
+Marian did not recover herself sufficiently to say one word about Mr.
+Faulkner till she was in her own room, and then when Caroline came, to
+pity her for her blushes, and apologize for having occasioned them, she
+said, "O! how I wish he was not coming!"
+
+"Why, don't you like him in return for his admiration?"
+
+"He is a horrible man!" said Marian.
+
+"Horrible, and why? What has he done to you? I am sure you are very
+ungrateful."
+
+"Don't talk of it," said Marian, blushing furiously again, then
+recollecting that she might give rise to a suspicion that he had already
+said something to her, she added, "I don't--I don't mean anything about
+that nonsense."
+
+"Well, but what do you mean? Is it really anything more than his being
+Elliot's friend, and having dared to--."
+
+"No, but Caroline, don't say anything about it; it was what I heard
+about him at the Marchmonts."
+
+"O what?"
+
+"It does not seem fair to tell how they talked over their guests, so
+don't repeat it again, pray."
+
+"You seem to find it like having a tooth drawn. Well! I am sworn to
+secrecy. I won't tell a living creature."
+
+"I am sure I know hardly anything, only that Lord Marchmont thinks very
+badly of him, and was quite sorry he had been asked to dinner. And he
+spoke of his having taken up Germanism, and oh! Caroline, for a man's
+faith to be unsettled is the worst of all, for then there is nothing to
+fall back upon."
+
+Caroline stood by Marian's fire, looking thoughtful for some moments.
+"Yes," she said, "you and Walter are in the same mind there, but it is
+not like what I was brought up to think. Miss Cameron used to teach us
+that the being in earnest in believing was the thing rather than the
+form of faith."
+
+"O, Caroline, that cannot be right. We have been commanded to hold one
+form of faith, and it must be wrong to set up another and hold it."
+
+"Yes, but if people are not clear that only one was given to every one,
+and that just as we say it is?"
+
+"Then it is very bad of them!" said Marian indignantly, "for I am sure
+the Bible is quite clear--one faith--the form of sound words--the faith
+once delivered to the saints."
+
+"I am quite clear about it," said Caroline.
+
+"O, of course," said Marian, looking at her with a sort of alarm at her
+speaking of the possibility as regarded herself of not being clear.
+
+"But if people are not clear, what are they to do?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, quickly; "only I hope I shall never have
+anything to do with such people; I can't judge for them; I had rather
+not think about them; it is of no use."
+
+"Of no use--what, not if you could do such a person good?"
+
+"Only in this way," said Marian, taking up her Prayer Book, and turning
+to the Collect for Good Friday.
+
+"Yes, but trying to convince?"
+
+"I should be afraid."
+
+"Afraid! Marian, I am sure nothing could hurt your faith."
+
+"I would not try," said Marian, shaking her head sadly.
+
+"But at that rate no one ever would be converted?"
+
+"You forget that there are clergymen."
+
+"Yes, but other people have done good."
+
+"O yes, but not women by arguing. O no, no, Caroline, we never ought to
+put our weakness forward, as if it could guard the truth. You know the
+wrong side may find stronger arguments than we are able to do--mind I
+don't say than can be found--of course truth is the strongest of all,
+but we may be overpowered, though the truth is not. We women should not
+stand out to argue for the truth any more than we should stand out to
+fight as champions in the right cause."
+
+"And is this the reason you never would argue?"
+
+"I don't know--I mean no, it was only because I had nothing to say; I
+knew when a thing was right, but could not tell why, and the more you
+asked, the more I did not know."
+
+"And do you know now?"
+
+"Sometimes," said Marian, "not often, but Mr. Wortley taught me some
+things, and one grows up to others. But I could never explain even when
+I know."
+
+"For instance--" said Caroline, laughing.
+
+"O that came, I don't know how. Have I said so much?"
+
+"A great deal that is very nice. Good night, Marian."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+  "She seemed some nymph in her sedan,
+  Apparelled in exactest sort,
+  And ready to be borne to court."
+
+  COWPER.
+
+
+Mr. Faulkner came at the time appointed, and Caroline, who had kept
+Marian's counsel, according to promise, was very curious to see how they
+would behave towards each other. As to Marian, she was just what might
+be expected,--more cold, distant, and stately than she had ever been to
+the most vulgar of Mrs. Lyddell's acquaintance. She gave a chilling bend
+to repel his attempt at shaking hands, made replies of the shortest when
+he tried to talk to her, and would not look up, or put on the slightest
+air of interest, at all the entertaining stories he was telling at
+dinner.
+
+The others were all extremely pleased with him. Elliot had never before
+brought home so agreeable a friend; a person who could talk of anything
+but hunting and racing was a new thing among his acquaintance, and
+every one was loud in his praise. Caroline, from having been prejudiced
+against him by Marian's history, was more surprised than the others:
+and scolded Marian, in the evening, for not having told them how very
+agreeable he was.
+
+"I never can think any one agreeable when I know there is hollowness
+within," said Marian.
+
+"I suppose Lord Marchmont knows," said Caroline, in a tone of annoyance
+and of a little doubt; and there the conversation ended.
+
+Few people were ever more agreeable than Mr. Faulkner. He had read
+everything, travelled everywhere, and was full of conversation suited to
+every one. If Marain had not heard Lord Marchmont's account of him, she
+must have liked him; but knowing what she did, she could and would not:
+looking at him something as Madame Cottin's Matilde first looked at
+Malek Adel, and not suffering herself to lose any of her horror. For the
+first day or two her frigidity was something wonderful, as she found
+him inclined to make attempts to cultivate her acquaintance; but she
+thoroughly succeeded in repelling him. He left off trying to talk to
+her; and one day when they were obliged to go in to dinner together,
+only exchanged the fewest and most formal of words with her, and
+positively neglected her for his other neighbour.
+
+After this, Marian did not quite so much overdo her stateliness. She
+could afford to be like herself with the others, even when he was in the
+room, though she never voluntarily took part in a conversation in
+which he was engaged, and her coldest air came over her whenever he
+approached. And it was well for her she could be so; for he stayed more
+than a fortnight, decided on buying the estate of High Down, and was
+asked to come again and make his head-quarters at Oakworthy, while
+superintending the alterations. All were sorry when he went; even the
+boys, whose first holiday week had been rendered very agreeable by his
+good nature. Johnny and Gerald vied with each other in his praise,
+heaping together a droll medley of schoolboy panegyrics; and Marian, not
+wishing to tell them of her objections, allowed that he had been very
+kind to them.
+
+The Christmas holidays passed, and left no change in the impression on
+her mind regarding Gerald; only she heard no news of her two sovereigns,
+and he did not so much as give her the opportunity of speaking to him
+alone. The heartache was growing worse than ever, and she was beginning
+to have a sort of desperate feeling that she would--she would--do she
+knew not what--write to Mr. Wortley--write more strongly to Gerald than
+she had ever yet dared to do--when one morning, a foreign looking letter
+arrived, in handwriting she knew full well, though it had never before
+been addressed to herself. There was company staying in the house, and
+Marian was not sorry it was impossible to read it at the breakfast
+table. She did not know what she was eating or what she was saying, and
+ran away with it as soon as she could, to enjoy it in her own room. A
+letter from Edmund! Could it be possible, or could it--O disappointing
+thought!--be only some enclosure for her to forward. In alarm at the
+idea, she tore it open. A long letter, and quite certainly to herself;
+for there stood the three welcome words, "My dear Marian." She glanced
+hastily down the first page, to make sure that there was nothing the
+matter; but no, it was all right--he wrote in his own lively style. He
+began by saying it was so long since he had heard from England, that he
+was growing afraid he was forgotten, and felt very small when the post
+came in, and brought something for every one but him; and he was going
+to try a fresh person, since he was growing desperate, and had sent
+appeals in vain to all his correspondents. He asked many questions about
+home friends, and about Marian herself; and then told much to
+interest her about his own doings, his way of living, and his hunting
+expeditions, with all the strange wild beasts with which they had made
+him acquainted, and he concluded thus:--"I hope you will write soon, and
+that you will be able to give me a flourishing account of Gerald. His
+silence may mean nothing, but it may also mean so much, that to hear
+he is going on particularly well would be double satisfaction just
+at present. Therefore with a view to what passed in our last walk at
+Oakworthy, tell me if you are completely satisfied with regard to him."
+
+It was a ray of light upon all Marian's perplexities; showing her what
+course to take, and filling her with hope. Her confidence in Edmund's
+power of setting everything right was still unchanged, and when Gerald's
+case was fully before him, he would know how to judge, and what to do;
+it would all be safe and off her mind. She felt sure that this had been
+the very reason of his writing; and full of gratitude, and infinitely
+relieved, she opened her desk, as if to answer was the easiest and most
+comfortable thing in the world.
+
+She did not, however, get on quite as fast as she expected; she dreaded
+equally the saying too much, or too little,--the giving Edmund actually
+a bad impression of her poor Gerald, or letting him think that there was
+no cause for anxiety. Then she thought the best way would be merely to
+give the facts, and let him draw his own conclusions; but these facts
+were in themselves trifles light as air, and it seemed unkind to send
+them across half the world. She left off trying to write, and resolved
+to give herself time for consideration; but time only made her more
+perplexed. She waited a week, wrote at last, and as soon as her letter
+was fairly gone, thought of forty different ways of saying the thing
+better and more justly, dwelt again and again on each line that could
+convoy a false impression one way or the other, and reproached herself
+by turns for having spoken disadvantageously of her dear affectionate
+brother, and for not having let her cousin fairly see the full extent of
+the mischief. On the whole, however, she was much happier now that it
+was all in Edmund's hands; so much so, that when Mr. Faulkner came
+again, she could not be quite so stiff; and being entirely relieved
+from the fear of his taking notice of her, could do him the favour of
+laughing when he told anything amusing.
+
+Winter and early spring came and went; the Easter holidays brought
+Gerald home, and she tried again in vain to get him to write to Edmund;
+but she could bear it better now that she had hopes.
+
+They went to London, and Marian was carried into the midst of all the
+gaieties supposed to befit her age and situation. Mrs. Lyddell would
+have thought herself very far from "doing her justice," if she had
+not taken her to all the balls and parties in her way; and Marian was
+obliged to submit, and get into the carriage, when she had much rather
+have gone to bed.
+
+She put off the expectation of much enjoyment till Lady Marchmont should
+come, and her arrival took place unusually late that season. She had
+not been well, and little Willie had been somewhat ailing; so that the
+bringing him into London air was put off as long as possible. It was not
+till the latter part of May that she came, as she had always promised to
+do, in time for Marian's presentation at court, on which both she and
+Mrs. Lyddell were bent; and Marian ready to endure it, by the help of a
+few romantic thoughts of loyalty. The day after Lady Marchmont arrived,
+she called at Mrs. Lyddell's and came in, as she generally did once in
+a year. After her visit was over, she asked Marian to come and take a
+drive, and no sooner where they in the carriage, than she exclaimed, "A
+nice looking girl, that Miss Lyddell! Is she the one who is to marry Mr.
+Faulkner?"
+
+"O, Selina! how could you have heard such nonsense?"
+
+"What, is it to be denied? It is not settled, then?"
+
+"No, nor ever will be."
+
+"Why, surely the man has been spending months at Oakworthy."
+
+"Only weeks; besides, he was buying a house."
+
+"A very proper preliminary to a wife."
+
+"O, no, no it is impossible!"
+
+"But why? Perhaps you know some good reason to the contrary; for I heard
+he admired you very much when he met you last year."
+
+"Don't say such things, Selina. How could you fancy it possible, after
+all the horrid things Lord Marchmont said of him!"
+
+"What is impossible, my dear? That he should think you very handsome?"
+
+"Don't, Selina, pray don't! That any body good for any thing should ever
+marry him!"
+
+"Any body good for any thing!" repeated Selina. "Well, granted,--and
+it is a considerable grant,--does that make the supposition out of the
+question?"
+
+"Yes, as regards Caroline. O, Selina! you do not know Caroline, or you
+would not look so incredulous!"
+
+"Time will show," said Lady Marchmont, gaily. "I reserve to myself the
+satisfaction of having known it beforehand."
+
+"It never will be," said Marian. "And how is little Willie?"
+
+"Very well, poor little man, if he would only grow, but he is so small,
+that I am fairly ashamed to show such a hop-o'-my-thumb. But he is
+coming out quite a genius; he reads as well as I do, and makes the
+wisest speeches."
+
+And the history of his wise speeches occupied them for some time, with
+other matters, until just as their drive was nearly concluded, Selina
+exclaimed, "But all this time I have never asked you if you can throw
+any light on this extraordinary step of Edmund Arundel's?"
+
+"What do you mean?" cried Marian.
+
+"Have you not heard that he has exchanged, and is coming home? The most
+foolish thing,--just as he might have been sure of promotion. It is not
+likely to be health, for the climate agreed very well with him."
+
+"Yes," assented Marian, wrapt in her own thoughts; "but did he write to
+you?"
+
+"Not a word; we only saw it in the Gazette, and Lord Marchmont would
+hardly believe it could be he; but it was but too plain,--Lieutenant
+Edmund Gerald Arundel. It is very strange; he was not wont to do foolish
+things."
+
+"No," said Marian, mechanically.
+
+"And you know nothing about it? You know him better than we do. Ho
+seemed the very man for the Colonies, with no ties at home, unless--no,
+it is impossible--unless there could be a lady in the case."
+
+"O, no!" replied Marian colouring so much at the secret consciousness of
+his motive, that Selina laughed, saying, "I could almost suspect you, in
+spite of your demureness, of being the very lady. However, I am glad you
+think there is no truth in my surmise, for he could not do a more absurd
+thing than marry. Only when a man gives up all his prospects in this
+way, there is nothing too preposterous to be expected to come next."
+
+By this time they were at Mrs. Lyddell's door, and Marian gladly
+escaped, feeling stunned at the effect her letter had produced. How
+noble, how kind, how generous, how self-devoted Edmund was! this was the
+prominent thought. She knew him to be very fond and very proud of his
+regiment, to be much attached to several of his brother officers, and to
+have given them more of his affection than persons with home interests
+generally do; indeed, they had served him instead of home. All his
+success in life, and his hopes of promotion, given up too,--sacrifices
+which she could not estimate; and it was she who had caused them. She
+had thoughtlessly led him to do himself all this injury, out of his
+kindness and affection, and his sense of duty towards her and her
+brother. She was very unhappy when she thought of this; then came the
+bright ray of joy and relief in hope and confidence for Gerald,--Gerald
+saved, saved from corruption, ruin, from being like Elliot, from
+breaking her heart, made all that his father and mother would have made
+him, her pride, her delight, the glory and honour of Fern Torr,--O,
+joy, joy! And the mere seeing Edmund again,--joy, joy! Yes, the joy far
+predominated over the pain and regret; indeed, be the injury to himself
+what it might, who could be sorry that he had acted so nobly? Yes,
+Marian was happy; her eyes were bright, her smile frequent; she laughed
+with Clara, she romped with little Willie Marchmont, she was ungracious
+to none but Mr. Faulkner who came to the house so much, that she began
+to fear that Caroline might have the annoyance of an offer from him,
+more especially since he had made his mother and sister call on Mrs.
+Lyddell, and Miss Faulkner seemed to intend to be intimate.
+
+The day of the drawing-room had come; Mrs. Lyddell and Caroline were
+going, and Marian was of course to go with Lady Marchmont. She had just
+been full dressed, and had come down stairs to wait for Lady Marchmont's
+carriage, when a step was heard approaching. She thought it was the
+servant, to announce it; it was the servant, but the announcement was
+not what she expected. It was "Mr. Arundel,"--and Edmund stood before
+her, browner, thinner, older, but still Edmund himself.
+
+She could not have spoken; she only held out her hand, and returned his
+strong pressure with all the force her soft fingers were capable of.
+Mrs. Lyddell spoke, he answered, explanations were given and received,
+and still she stood as if she was dreaming, until he turned to her, and
+said, "Well, Marian, these are transformations indeed?"
+
+"I can't help it," said Marian.
+
+"Do you think I want you to help it? I suppose I need not ask if the
+Marchmonts are in town?"
+
+"Lady Marchmont presents Marian," said Mrs. Lyddell; "we expect her
+carriage every minute."
+
+And just then the announcement really came.
+
+"Her carriage, not herself?" said Edmund. "Well, I think I might go
+with you to her house, Marian, if your feathers are not ashamed of such
+shabby company."
+
+"O, pray come!"
+
+"And you will return to dinner, I hope, Mr. Arundel," said Mrs. Lyddell,
+"at half-past seven? Mr. Lyddell will be so glad to see you."
+
+Edmund accepted the invitation, and the two cousins went down stairs
+together. As soon as they were in the carriage, Edmund said, "A lucky
+moment to come in. It is something to have seen you in all your
+splendour. You have grown into something magnificent!"
+
+"All this finery makes me look taller than I really am."
+
+"Nevertheless, however you may try to conceal it, I am afraid you have
+turned into the full grown cat. I saw it in your letter."
+
+"O, Edmund, I am so sorry I wrote that letter."
+
+"Why? Are you happier about Gerald?"
+
+"No, I don't know that I am," said Marian, sighing; "but--but I little
+thought it would make so much difference to you. I did not know what I
+was doing."
+
+"I am glad of it, or you would not have written so freely; though after
+all you could not have helped being like a sensible straightforward
+person."
+
+"O, it is untold relief that you are come; and yet I must be sorry--"
+
+"I won't have you sorry. No one should regret having told the honest
+truth. The fact is, I ought never to have gone. And poor Gerald?"
+
+"I have no more to say, only vague fears. But now you are come, it is
+all right."
+
+"Don't trust too much to me, Marian. Remember, it will be a generous
+thing in Gerald if he attends to me at all. He is not obliged to do so."
+
+"You will--you must do everything. Gerald is as fond of you as ever, I
+know he is, though he would not write. O, I am glad! You heard of our
+delightful going home, I hope?"
+
+"Yes. All well there?" said Edmund, hurriedly.
+
+"Very well. Agnes is grown so tall, and it is so very nice there. The
+old Manor house--"
+
+"Well," he broke in suddenly; "and how do you get on with Selina
+Marchmont."
+
+"She is very, very kind. But O! here we are in her street, and I shall
+have no more of you to-day."
+
+"Not at dinner?"
+
+"O; it is a great, horrid party, as Mrs. Lyddell should have warned
+you."
+
+"Could not I take you in to dinner?"
+
+"I am afraid not. Mrs. Lyddell will never treat me as if I was at home,
+and I am afraid there is an honourable man that I must be bestowed on."
+
+They had reached Lady Marchmont's door, and going up stairs, found her
+looking like a princess in a fairy tale, in her white plumes and her
+diamonds; and Willie, the smallest, most delicate, and prettiest of
+little boys, admiring the splendours of his papa's yeomanry uniform.
+
+In spite of being considerably provoked with Edmund for having come
+home, Lord and Lady Marchmont welcomed him with as much warmth as if
+it was the most prudent thing he could have done. They insisted on his
+coming to stay at their house, and as it was full time to set off, left
+him to see about his worldly goods being transported thither.
+
+"Has he told you his reason, Marian?" asked Selina, as soon as the two
+ladies and their trains were safely disposed of, in the carriage.
+
+"I know them," said Marian, her colour rising, "and most noble they are;
+but I had rather let him tell you himself."
+
+"Marian's discretion again," said Lord Marchmont, smiling.
+
+"Only set me at rest on one point," said Selina; "it is no love affair,
+I hope?"
+
+"No, indeed," said Marian; "or do you think he would have told me?"
+
+Probably there were few young ladies who played their part that day in
+the drawing-room, that last remnant of the ancient state and majesty of
+our courts, with happier minds, or less intent on their own appearance,
+than Marian Arundel. She was very glad when the bustle and crowd were
+over, and she could be alone to enjoy the certainty that Edmund was
+really at home again.
+
+He came according to promise that evening, but she could not have much
+conversation with him, as he was placed at a distance from her, the
+greater part of the time. He was not sorry to be thus able to watch her,
+though he did not see her in the point of view in which she pleased him
+best. She looked better now, he thought, than in the court dress; for
+the broad, simple, antique braids of her dark hair, only adorned by two
+large pearl pins, suited better than the plumes and lappets, with the
+cast of her classical features. All that he had thought promised
+beauty, as a child, had fulfilled the promise, and the countenance, the
+expression, would have been fine, seen on a much plainer face, and as
+she eat there, her black, shady eyes cast down, her dark pencilled
+eyebrows contrasting with her colourless cheek, and her plain white
+drapery in full folds, flowing round her, she might have been some
+majestic lady in a mysterious picture, who had stepped from her frame
+into a scene belonging to another age. She looked as if she was acting a
+tableau; she moved, indeed, and smiled, and spoke occasionally; but the
+queen-like deportment of her neck did not relax; her lips resumed their
+statue-like expression; there was no smile about the eye, no interest
+in the air. She was among the company, but not of them; neither shy nor
+formal, but as if she belonged to some other sphere, and had only come
+there by mistake. Edmund could have counted the times, for they were
+few enough, when her head bent forward with eagerness, and there was
+animation in her face.
+
+How different from Caroline! her brightly coloured, blooming face
+sparkling with life and light; flowers among her light, shining hair;
+her dress of well-chosen, tasteful, brilliant tints, ornament, lace
+and ribbon, all well assorted in kind and quantity, her alert, lively
+movements carrying her from one group to another, with something
+pleasant and appropriate to say to all, bringing smiles and animation
+with her wherever she went. Not that Edmund did not prefer his cousin's
+severe simplicity, and admire it as something grand; but that stern
+grandeur was not all that fitted the place; and though he thought her
+beautiful, he was not satisfied.
+
+Edmund had some talk with Mrs. Lyddell, who spoke of Gerald with great
+warmth; more, he thought, than she showed in the mention of Marian. He
+stayed till the last, and saw the relaxation of her grand company-face,
+before he wished them good night.
+
+"Well," said Mrs. Lyddell, as the door closed behind him, and she
+lighted her candle, "Africa has not robbed Mr. Arundel of all his good
+looks. How old is he?"
+
+"Nearly twenty-eight," said Marian.
+
+"I am always forgetting that he is so young," said Mrs. Lyddell. "Well,
+good night. I wonder what brought him home?"
+
+"I do not wonder, for it is plain enough," said Caroline, as the girls
+turned up their own staircase.
+
+"Marian tries to look innocent," said Clara, laughing violently.
+
+"I am sure I don't understand," said Marian.
+
+"Now I am sure that is on purpose to make us explain," said Clara. "It
+is too bad, Marian; when he came straight to you, instead of going to
+Lady Marchmont."
+
+"And the tete-a-tete in the carriage," said Caroline.
+
+"Don't be so ridiculous," said Marian; "but I believe you like such
+jokes so well, that you would make them out of anything."
+
+"I don't make a joke of it at all. I always thought it was with that
+very view, he was made your guardian."
+
+"You very absurd persons, good night!" said Marian, shutting her door,
+and laughing to herself at such a very ludicrous idea as such a scheme
+on the part of her father.
+
+These kind of jokes, of which some people are still very fond, may be
+very hurtful, since a young girl's inexperience may found far more upon
+them than the laughers ever intended. Caroline and Clara were not acting
+a kind part, though they were far from any unkind meaning. Marian had
+great susceptibility and deep affections; and had her mind been less
+strong, her happiness might have been seriously injured. Even if their
+observations had no real meaning, and no effect on her heart, yet they
+could not fail to occasion her many moments of embarrassment, and might
+interfere with her full, free confidence in her best and earliest
+friend.
+
+In some degree they had this result. Marian began to be aware that her
+situation with Edmund was not without awkwardness,--that he was still
+a young man, and that she was now a young woman; and whilst shocked
+at herself, and disliking the moment that had opened the door to the
+thought, was obliged to consider how far there might be truth in the
+suggestion.
+
+She was quite sure that she had influenced him strongly, quite sure that
+he regarded her with warm affection; she wished she was equally sure it
+was with a brother's love. Yes, she wished, for to think otherwise would
+lower him in her estimation. He was her first cousin, and if first
+cousins had better not marry he would never think of it; besides, the
+merit of his sacrificing all for Gerald's good would be lost, and
+his return would have been an act of self-gratification instead of
+self-devotion. No, she would not, could not believe any such thing; she
+was certain Edmund never would be so weak as to wish to do anything only
+doubtfully right, and thus, strangely enough, her full trust in the
+dignity of his character, prevented her from imagining him in love with
+her.
+
+Still she knew her cousins were watching her, and this prevented her
+from ever meeting him in thorough comfort at Mr. Lyddell's; and even
+when at Lord Marchmont's, her maidenly reserve had been so far awakened
+as to make her shrink back from the full freedom of their former
+intercourse. This, however, was more in her feeling than in her manners,
+which, if they differed at all from what they were formerly, only seemed
+to be what naturally arose from her growth in years.
+
+She observed that he was not in good spirits. It was not what others,
+not even Selina, could perceive, but Edmund and Marian had known each
+other too well and too long, not to read each other's faces, and know
+the meaning of each other's tones. She did not expect him to be as merry
+as in olden days at home, nor did she desire it; but there was more
+depression about him than she thought comfortable, and she was sure that
+it was an effort to him to talk in the lively way that had once been
+natural to him. She was afraid he felt the separation from his friends
+in his old regiment very severely, or else that he was very anxious
+about Gerald, and yet she had found out that the tenderest point of all
+was Fern Torr, for he either would not or could not speak of that, but
+always contrived to turn the conversation as soon as it was touched
+upon. She grieved over his unhappiness a great deal, and yet would not
+enter on any questioning, from an innate feeling, that it would not
+be becoming. He was only to stay a very short time in London, before
+joining his regiment at Portsmouth, and he meant to go and spend a day
+at Eton to see Gerald, but Lady Marchmont suddenly proposed that they
+should all go together; she said she must inspect Eton before Master
+Willie was ready to go, and that it would be a charming scheme to take
+Marian and surprise Gerald. Marian had a few secret doubts whether this
+was exactly the most suitable way of fulfilling Edmund's intentions,
+but it was so delightful a treat that she laid aside her scruples, and
+Selina coaxed her husband into finding a day to accompany them.
+
+So one fine June morning, the day before Edmund's departure, they set
+off, Selina's high spirits and Marian's happiness giving the party a
+very joyous aspect. Father Thames looked as stately and silvery as ever,
+the playing fields smiled in the sunshine, and Windsor Castle looked
+down on them majestically. Marian felt it a holiday to have escaped from
+London into so fair a scene, and even if she had come for nothing else,
+would have been happy in beholding some of the most honoured spots in
+the broad realm of England.
+
+She had many questions to ask, but Lord Marchmont was taken up with
+showing his old haunts to his wife, and she was walking some distance in
+front, with Edmund, on whose face there was an expression of melancholy
+thought that she would not disturb. He was an Etonian, and how fall of
+remembrances must all be around him.
+
+Presently two or three boys met them running, and were passing them,
+when Marion exclaimed, "There is Lionel!" "Lyddell!" called Edmund, and
+one of them stopped, so taken by surprise that Marian was for a moment
+horrified by thinking she had mistaken him; but the next glance
+re-assured her, for she knew Lionel's way of standing, and his hat
+pulled far over his forehead.
+
+"Lionel," said she, "where is Gerald?"
+
+"Hallo! You here!" said he, wheeling round so that the light might not
+be in his eyes, and shading them with one hand while he tried to make
+out Edmund, and gave his other hand to Marian.
+
+"How did you come here? Are any of the people at home here?"
+
+"No, this is my cousin Edmund. I am come with the Marchmonts."
+
+"You have quite forgotten me," said Edmund, shaking hands.
+
+"Not if I could see you," said Lionel, frowning at the light, as he
+looked up.
+
+"O, Lionel, how bad your eyes are!" exclaimed Marion.
+
+"I have just been reading, and there is such a _hideous_ sunshine
+to-day," said Lionel.
+
+"And where is Gerald?"
+
+"I'll go and fetch him."
+
+"Where is he?"
+
+"I'll find him," and off he ran, with a fresh pull of his hat over his
+forehead to keep off the hideous sunshine. The Marchmonts came up at the
+moment, and were told who he was, and that he was gone to find Gerald.
+Edmund asked what was the matter with his eyes.
+
+"They are never very good," said Marian. "Reading and strong light
+always hurt them."
+
+"Has he had any advice?"
+
+"The surgeon at Oakworthy looked at them last Christmas, when the snow
+dazzled them, but he did not think there was much amiss with them. It
+was always so. But where can Gerald be?"
+
+In the space of about five minutes, Gerald and Lionel appeared, and the
+former came up to them alone, with a look which had more of shyness than
+of pleasure, and his greeting, while more courteous, was less open and
+cordial than Lionel's had been. They all went together to the house of
+the boys' tutor, who had also been Edmund's; there was a great maze of
+talking and introductions: Lady Marchmont made herself very charming to
+the mistress of the house: Edmund and the tutor disappeared together,
+and did not come back till the others had nearly finished a most
+hospitable luncheon; after which the visitors set out to see all that
+there was time to see, and Marian caused Gerald to fetch Lionel to
+accompany them.
+
+Lionel walked with Edmund and Marian, but Gerald on the other hand
+attached himself to Lord and Lady Marchmont, talking to them freely and
+pleasantly, answering Selina's questions, much to her amusement and
+satisfaction, and Lord Marchmont comparing notes with him, as old
+Etonians delight to do with "the sprightly race, disporting" for the
+time being, on the "margen green" of Father Thames. A particularly
+lively, pleasant, entertaining, well-mannered boy was Gerald, but, all
+the time, Marian was feeling that he was holding aloof both from her and
+Edmund, never allowing either of them the opportunity of speaking to him
+alone, for even a minute; and his manner, whenever Edmund either spoke
+to him or looked at him, was such as to betray to her that he was ill at
+ease.
+
+Thus it was while they viewed the chapel, the court, with what Selina
+was pleased to call "Henry's holy shade," the upper school, the hundred
+steps, the terrace, and beautiful S. George's, with its gorgeous banners
+and carved stalls, and blazoned shields, that glimpse into the Gothic
+world of chivalry and romance; and in the midst of it that simple flat
+stone, which thrills the heart with a deep feeling at once of love,
+sorrow and reverence; that stone which recalls the desolate night which,
+in darkness and ruin, amid torn banners, and scutcheons riven, saw the
+Martyr king go white to his grave. Marian entered into all these things,
+in spite of her anxiety, for her mind was free enough to be open to
+external objects, now that her brother was in Edmund's hands, and she
+was relieved of that burthen of responsibility which had so pressed on
+her.
+
+Such was their Eton day, and with no more satisfaction from Gerald did
+they part at the Slough station. The Marchmonts were loud in his praise,
+Marian sought the real opinion in Edmund's eyes, but he was leaning
+back, looking meditative, and when first he roused himself to enter into
+conversation, it was of Lionel and not of Gerald that he spoke.
+
+"Do you say that any one has looked at that boy's eyes?"
+
+"Yes, Mr. Wells, the Oakworthy apothecary."
+
+"Do you know what is thought of him?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian considering. "He attends a good many people,
+I believe he is thought well of; but no one ever is ill at home, so I
+have no experience of him. Yes, he was called in once when we all had
+the measles, and last winter about Lionel's eyes. I am sure I don't know
+whether he is what you would call a good doctor or not; all I know is,
+that he is not at all like Dr. Oldham."
+
+Edmund smiled. "Has Mrs. Lyddell not been uneasy?"
+
+"O no!" said Marian. "No one ever troubles their head about Lionel,
+besides it was always so."
+
+"Always how?"
+
+"His eyes were always weak, and easily tired and dazzled, from the very
+first when I knew him. They don't look as if there was anything amiss
+with them, and so people don't suspect it."
+
+"I think they do look very much amiss," said Edmund. "Do not you observe
+an indistinctness about the pupil, between it and the iris? Can you tell
+whether that was always the case?"
+
+"I don't know, I see what you mean. I should say it had begun of late.
+Do you think it so bad a sign?" she asked anxiously.
+
+"I am not sure; I only know if he belonged to me, I should not like it
+at all."
+
+Marian pondered and feared, and considered if it would be possible
+to stir up Mrs. Lyddell; she herself was much startled, and rather
+indignant; but she doubted greatly whether poor Lionel was of sufficient
+importance in the family for any one to be very anxious on his account.
+In the meantime, she was extremely desirous of hearing what account
+Edmund had received from the tutor respecting her brother, but she had
+no opportunity till late in the evening, when he came and sat by her on
+the sofa, saying, "Now, Marian, I will answer your anxious eyes, though
+I am afraid I have nothing very satisfactory to tell you. I don't know
+that there is any positive harm--it is only the old story of a clever
+boy with too much money, and too much left to himself. Idleness and
+thoughtlessness."
+
+"And what shall you do?"
+
+"I don't know--I must think."
+
+Whereupon they both sat silent.
+
+"I shall see you again in the summer," said he.
+
+"O yes--perhaps you will come in Gerald's holidays."
+
+Another silence, then she said, "Do you think very badly of poor
+Lionel's eyes?"
+
+"No, I don't say that, for I know nothing, only I wonder his family are
+not more anxious."
+
+"I shall see if Mrs. Lyddell will believe there is cause for alarm."
+
+The carriage was announced, she wished him good-bye again, thanked her
+cousins for her pleasant day, and departed, wondering to herself how it
+could have been a pleasant day, as after all it had been, in spite of
+doubt and anxiety and care.
+
+She told Mrs. Lyddell when she came in, that she had seen Lionel.
+
+"How were his eyes?" asked Caroline.
+
+"I am afraid they were more dazzled than usual."
+
+No one said anything, and after a pause she went on. "Edmund remarked
+a sort of indistinctness about the pupil, which he said was not a good
+sign."
+
+"What was that?" said Mr. Lyddell looking up, and Marian, startled, yet
+glad to have attracted his notice, repeated what she had said. "Did not
+Wells look at his eyes last winter?" he said, turning to his wife.
+
+"Yes, he said he could not see anything the matter with them--they must
+be spared--and he sent a mixture to bathe them. Lionel has been using it
+continually."
+
+"How would it be to have him up here to see some one?" said Mr. Lyddell.
+
+"Better wait for the holidays," answered his wife. "It would be the
+worst thing possible to set him thinking, about his eyes in the middle
+of the half-year. Little as he does now, it would soon be less, and his
+eyes have kept him back so much already that he really cannot afford to
+lose any more time."
+
+There it ended, Mrs. Lyddell was not to be alarmed; she had been too
+long used to prosperity even to contemplate the possibility that harm
+should come nigh to her or to her dwelling. Mr. Lyddell, who left all
+family matters to her, forgot all about it, and though Marian talked
+Caroline into some fears on the subject, Caroline could do no more than
+she could herself.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+  "_Benedict_. What, my dear Lady Disdain, are you yet living?"
+
+  "_Beatrice_. Is it possible Disdain should die while she has such
+  meet food to feed her?"
+
+  _Much Ado about Nothing._
+
+
+The Lyddell family did not continue in London much longer; it had been a
+short season, and though the session of Parliament was not over, most
+of the ladies were taking flight into the country, before the end of
+June,--Mrs. Lyddell among the rest,--and her husband went backwards and
+forwards to London, as occasion called him.
+
+The girls were glad to get into the country, but Marian soon found that
+she had not escaped either from gaieties, or from the objects of her
+aversion; for Mr. Faulkner brought his mother and sisters to High Down
+House, gave numerous parties there, and made a constant interchange of
+civilities with the family at Oakworthy. Archery was pretty much the
+fashion with the young ladies that year; it was a sport which Marian
+liked particularly, having often practised it with Edmund and Agnes, and
+her bow and arrows were always the first to be ready.
+
+One day when Marian, Caroline, and Clara were shooting on the lawn at
+Oakworthy, Mr. and Miss Faulkner rode from High Down, came out on the
+lawn, and joined them. From that moment, any one could see the change
+that came over Marian. Instead of laughing and talking, teaching Clara,
+and paying only half attention to her own shooting, she now went on as
+if it was her sole object, and as if she had no other purpose in life.
+She fixed her arrows and twanged her string with a rigidity as if the
+target had been a deadly enemy, or her whole fate was concentrated in
+hitting the bull's eye; and when her arrows went straight to the mark,
+or at least much straighter than those of any one else, she never
+turned her head, or vouchsafed more than the briefest answer to the
+exclamations around.
+
+The others were talking of archery in general and in particular,--just
+what, if it had not been Mr. Faulkner, would have delighted her; but
+she would not hear him. He might speak of the English long-bow, and
+the cloth yard-shaft, and the butts at which Elizabeth shot, and the
+dexterity required for hitting a deer, and of the long arrow of the
+Indian, and the Wourali reed of South America,--as long as he spoke it
+was nothing to her, let Caroline smile and answer, and appeal to her as
+much she would. Then came a talk about archery meetings and parties, in
+which at last they all grew so eager, that they stood still round the
+return target, and Marian could not shoot back again without perilling
+them; so she unstrung her bow, and stood apart with a stern face, which
+made her look a great deal more like Diana, than she by any means
+suspected or desired.
+
+Two days after, there came a note from Miss Faulkner,--Julia, as she had
+requested to be called,--saying that her brother was so delighted with
+the archery schemes that had been discussed, that he could not give them
+up, and intended to give a grand fete at High Down,--archery in the
+morning, a ball in the evening, and all the ladies who liked, to be in
+costume. She ended by begging Caroline to come to luncheon that day, or
+the next, to enter into council on the subject. There was great delight;
+such an entertainment was quite a novelty in the neighbourhood, and the
+costume seemed to make it all the more charming in the eyes of Caroline,
+Clara, and their mother; all were talking at once, and wondering what it
+could or should be, while Marian went on reading imperturbably without
+one remark.
+
+"It ought to be in Robin Hood's time, if only for the sake of Maid
+Marian," said Caroline. "She will be quite sure to win the prize."
+
+"O yes, that she will," said Clara; "she shoots so much better than any
+one else."
+
+"I shall not shoot in public," said Marian, looking up for a moment, and
+then going on with her book.
+
+"You will do nothing to make yourself particular," said Mrs. Lyddell:
+"it will be very silly to set your face against this fete, when every
+one knows how fond you are of archery."
+
+"We don't know anything yet about what is to be," said Caroline,
+quickly; and at that moment Elliot, coming in, offered to ride with her
+to High Down, whereupon she hastened to get ready. Such an obliging
+offer from her brother was certainly too uncommon a thing to be
+neglected, in spite of the unwonted graciousness and amiability which
+Elliot had for the last few weeks assumed towards her.
+
+When she was gone, Marian and Clara resumed their ordinary occupations,
+and one of them at least troubled herself no more about the fete, until,
+shortly before dinner time, Elliot, Caroline, and Mr. Faulkner all rode
+up to the front door. Mr. Faulkner, it appeared, was come to dinner, and
+to carry on the consultation, since he was extremely eager about the
+scheme, and no time was to be lost in sending out the invitations.
+The Sherwood Forest plan had been talked over, and abandoned as too
+common-place. It was to be a Kenilworth fete; eight young ladies of Lady
+Julia's especial party were to appear in the morning in a pretty uniform
+dress, a little subdued from the days of the ruff and farthingale; and
+in the evening there was to be a regular Kenilworth quadrille, in which
+each lady or gentleman was to assume the dress of some character of
+Queen Elizabeth's court. In fact, as Mr. Faulkner said;--
+
+  "Gorgeous dames and statesmen bold
+  In bearded majesty appear."
+
+Amy Robsart, Katherine Seymour, Anne Clifford, Frances Walsingham,
+Mildred Cecil, and other ladies of the time were mentioned, and then
+came the counting up of their eight living representatives,--the two
+Misses Faulkner, Caroline, yes, and Clara herself, who started and
+danced with ecstasy, then glanced entreatingly at her mother, who looked
+doubtful; Marian, two cousins of the Faulkners, who were always ready
+for anything, and a Miss Mordaunt, were reckoned up, and their dresses
+quickly discussed; but all the time Marian said not a word. She was
+thinking of the waste of time and consideration, the folly, levity
+and vanity, the throwing away of money, all this would occasion, and
+enjoying in her own mind the pleasure of resisting it _in toto_. She
+supposed she must go to the archery meeting, though why people could
+not be contented to shoot on their own lawns, instead of spoiling their
+pleasure by all this fuss, she could not guess; but make a show of
+herself and her shooting, be stared at by all the world,--that she would
+never do. Nor would she make a figure of herself at the ball, and spend
+the money which she wanted very much for her poor people and her
+books, now that her court dress and London finery had eaten up such an
+unconscionable share of her allowance. Increased as it was, she had
+never felt so poor as at present; she wanted Mrs. Jameson's "Sacred and
+Legendary Art" for herself, and there were all the presents to be sent
+to the old people at Fern Torr; and should these be given up for the
+sake of appearing as the fair Anne Clifford, or some such person, for
+one evening, during which she would be feeling most especially unnatural
+and uncomfortable? No indeed! and she trusted that she had a very good
+and sufficient defence against all such foolery, in the slight mourning
+which she was wearing for one of the Marchmont connection. True, she had
+thought of leaving it off next Sunday, but no matter; it would be such
+armour as was not to be lightly parted with; and if she went to the ball
+at all, it should never, never be as the heiress of the Cliffords, but
+as the faithful mourning relation of old Mr. Thomas Marchmont, her
+second cousin once removed, whom she had never beheld in her life, and
+who would have been dead at least nine weeks by the time it took place.
+
+She said nothing about it in the drawing-room; but when they went up
+stairs, she told Caroline not to reckon upon her, for she should be in
+mourning, and could not wear a fancy dress. Caroline looked much vexed.
+"It was a great pity," she said, "and Julia Faulkner wished it to be
+all their own set. Besides, would not Marian shoot,--she who did it so
+well?"
+
+"O, no, no, I could do no such thing with all those people staring."
+
+"Not even for a silver arrow? You would be sure to win it."
+
+"I should be ashamed of the very sight of it ever after. O no! I should
+like--at least I should not mind seeing it all as a spectator, but as to
+making a part of the show, never, never, Caroline!"
+
+"Well, I know it is of no use to try to persuade you!" said Caroline,
+with a little annoyance in her tone. "Good night."
+
+Lady Julia, with her son and daughter, came to call the next day. Marian
+thought herself fortunate in not being in the drawing-room. She put on
+her bonnet, slipped out at the garden door, and walked away with a book
+in her hand, to the remotest regions of the park, where she sat down
+under a thorn-tree, and read Schiller's Thirty Years' War with a sort of
+exemplary diligence and philosophy, till it was so late that she thought
+herself perfectly secure of the Faulkners' being gone. Yet she only just
+missed them, for their carriage was driving off at one door, as she
+reached the other.
+
+"Where have you been, Marian?" was the first greeting.
+
+"I have been walking to the old thorn."
+
+"O, have you? We hunted for you everywhere in the house: we would hardly
+believe Fanny when she said you were gone out, for I knew you meant to
+walk with us."
+
+"I thought you would be engaged so long that it was not worth while to
+wait for you."
+
+"Well, but did you know you had missed the Faulkners?" said Clara.
+
+"I knew they were here."
+
+Every one understood this except Clara, and very little did it please
+Mrs. Lyddell or Caroline.
+
+"Marian," said Mrs. Lyddell, "you really must not be so absurd about
+this matter. Your mourning is nothing. You need not be wearing it even
+now; and it will annoy Lady Julia, and put her to serious inconvenience,
+if you continue to refuse."
+
+"I am sure I do not wish to inconvenience her," said Marian; "but there
+must be many young ladies who would be only too happy to take the part."
+
+"Of course," said Mrs. Lyddell, "any one else would rejoice to be asked;
+but the point is, that it is so unpleasant to admit any thing of a
+stranger into the intimacy these things occasion."
+
+"I am almost a stranger to them."
+
+"Yes, but not to us, Marian," said Clara. "You have known them as long,
+or longer than we have; and you would look so very well. Lady Julia said
+herself that such a distinguished face and figure as yours would set the
+whole thing off to advantage."
+
+Caroline well knew this was but the way to make Marian still more
+determined against it. She held her tongue through all the persuasions
+of her mother and Clara; and trusting a little, but not much, to the
+superior influence which she knew herself to possess, she followed
+Marian to her room, and began,--"Marian, are you still resolute against
+this unfortunate archery? because, if you do not really think it a
+matter of right and wrong, I should be very much obliged to you if you
+would only yield."
+
+It was not so easy to withstand Caroline speaking in this way, as Mrs.
+Lyddell almost scolding and Clara talking nonsense; but Marian had made
+up her mind, and would not let herself be shaken. "I don't think I can,"
+was her answer.
+
+"Will you say whether you really think it wrong?"
+
+"I don't know." Not her considering "I don't know," but the dry,
+provoking end-of-the-matter answer of half sullen days gone by.
+
+"If you really thought it positively wrong," proceeded Caroline, "not
+another word would I say: but I don't see how you can without condemning
+all gaeties, and that I know you do not."
+
+"I only think it a--a waste of time--a great deal of nonsense," said
+Marian, faltering for an answer; "and really I have spent so much money;
+I do not like to throw away any more."
+
+"O, you do not know how we have settled that," said Caroline, beginning
+to be hopeful now that she had something tangible to attack. "The
+dresses for the morning will be nothing,--only a white skirt and green
+polka, which will do to wear for ever after, and a little ruff, very
+pretty, and no expense at all; and a little alteration will make our
+court dresses perfectly suitable for Queen Elizabeth's ladies. You need
+not be at all afraid of being ruined."
+
+Marian saw that, though there would be many a little expense to make a
+mickle one, yet it would still only cost her Mrs. Jameson, instead of
+the gifts to the poor people; but as this was what chiefly justified
+her in her own eyes, she would not admit the conviction, and answered,
+"Those things that are altered and adapted really are as costly in the
+end as if they were new altogether. Besides, I could not, I really could
+not shoot before such an assembly."
+
+"I should so like to see you get the arrow."
+
+"O Caroline, that would be worse than anything!"
+
+"Well, then, don't get it; shoot as badly as you please: only do be kind
+and make one of us, or you will spoil the whole concern."
+
+"How can that be? What difference can my dressing up or shooting make to
+any one?"
+
+"Why, for one thing, if you are not one, as you must be, living with us
+and all, Julia will be obliged to ask that Miss Grimley; don't you know
+her?"
+
+"What, that old young lady who has been figuring in the newspaper so
+long as getting all the archery prizes?"
+
+"Yes, the veteran archer, as Elliot calls her; and Mr. Faulkner says, if
+she appears in character at all, it must be as Queen Elizabeth herself
+dancing a stately pavise to the sound of the little fiddle. She is some
+connection of theirs, and must be asked, if you will not take it; and
+she is almost as bad as Queen Elizabeth herself, and will give none of
+us any peace about the dresses, O Marian! Julia said she should esteem
+it as a real kindness from you if you would be Lady Anne, if only for
+the sake of keeping her out!"
+
+"I think it would be very absurd for a person who hates the whole
+concern to be dragged in, for the sake of keeping out one who likes it!"
+
+"Then you are still resolved? Well, I had not much expectation, but
+still I was half inclined to hope you would relent, if you did not think
+it a point of principle, when you knew that it would be a real favor to
+me."
+
+"To you, Caroline! you do not care for such trumpery."
+
+"I do care about seeing my friends mortified and vexed," said Caroline,
+mournfully.
+
+"Your friends!" exclaimed Marian, in a voice of contempt.
+
+"Yes, as much as kindness can make them."
+
+"And esteem? O Caroline!"
+
+"Kindness--readiness to oblige," repeated Caroline.
+
+"They are my friends, and I am very fond of them."
+
+Caroline went away without another word, and Marian felt that her words
+implied that she preferred readiness to oblige, to rigid, unbending
+superiority in goodness. Marian felt it, and was disappointed in
+Caroline, and pleased to have kept her determination, without asking
+herself how far it was satisfied pride in obstinacy.
+
+This was the last time for many weeks that Caroline lingered talking
+in Marian's room. The old chill had come on again. Both knew, though
+neither said so, that it was not so much because it was a display and
+expense that Marian refused, as because it was the Faulkners' party. If
+it had been Lady Marchmont's, it would have been very different. Now
+Caroline liked the Faulkners; they were all good natured, and much more
+agreeable than any others in the neighbourhood--than any, indeed, with
+whom she had yet been brought into close intercourse. She thought Marian
+was unjust and ungracious, both to them and to her; that she had been
+prejudiced from the first, and now was very decidedly making herself
+disagreeable by a rigidity in trifles, which was almost positive
+unkindness. Caroline's home, as has been shown, was neither a very
+happy, nor a very satisfactory one; so that of late she had learnt to
+look upon her brother Walter and Marian as her chief comforts, and was
+now much more hurt and disappointed at Marian's conduct than she was
+willing to show. It was particularly unfortunate just at this time, when
+there was so much to invite and gratify her at High Down, when she was
+in especial need of a true and affectionate friend and counsellor, and
+when Walter was absent, being engaged in preparing for his ordination,
+which was to take place in the course of the autumn.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was much displeased with Marian, and showed it by her
+coldness and formality; and Marian began to live more alone with
+herself, and at war with the outer world, than she had done even before
+Edmund's first visit five years ago. Caroline and Clara were a great
+deal with the Faulkners, either at High Down or at home. Clara was in a
+perfect transport at being admitted into the number of the archeresses,
+and had struck up one of her eternal friendships with Louisa, the second
+Miss Faulkner; and Marian might very fairly be provoked at seeing how
+entirely her mind was diverted from all the rationality which she and
+Caroline had been endeavouring--and as they had hoped, not without
+success--to infuse into her during the past year. To get Clara to
+settle quietly down to anything was an utter impossibility; her wisest
+employment was the study of Elizabethan costumes, her most earnest, the
+practice of archery. Now Marian always maintained that archery, on their
+own lawn, and among themselves, was a very pretty sport; and for the
+sake of consistency with her own principles, she very diligently shot
+whenever the Faulkners were not there, and did her very best, by precept
+and example, to make Clara fit her arrows to the string in her own
+direct and purpose-like way, draw the bow-string to her ear with a
+steady effort and aim, instead of a fitful jerk or twitch; and in fact
+shoot, if she was to shoot, like a sensible woman, who really intended
+damage to the target. Clara was very much obliged, and made some
+progress; but Marian thus did herself little good with any one else,
+for her love of the sport, and her excellence at it, made her spirit of
+disdain all the more marked. Clara, was again, as in former times, her
+chief friend in the family; for Marian, after the first vexation, held
+her sense too cheap to blame her for her folly. It was the fault of the
+others that she had been put in the way of what could not fail to turn
+her head; so she listened, without showing many tokens of contempt,
+to her endless histories of dear Louisa, and all the plans at High
+Down,--of the witticisms that were perpetrated, the anticipations of
+amusement and admiration, and of the tracasseries which Miss Grimley had
+not failed to occasion. Marian was often entertained, and Clara more
+than once hoped she was on the point of regretting that she was not one
+of the favoured eight; but nothing could be further from Marian's mind.
+She did not intend to absent herself either from the archery or from the
+ball, but she must wear her own character, and no other; and people
+were allowed to assume fancy dresses or not, just as suited their
+inclination, so that she was in no fear of rendering herself remarkable.
+
+Caroline and Clara were to go to High Down two days before the great
+occasion, and stay till the day after; Marian to remain at Oakworthy.
+Just before they went, Clara danced into her room, saying, "Marian, do
+you know some of the officers at Portsmouth have been asked to the ball?
+You know there is a railroad all the way. I wonder if Mr. Arundel will
+be there?"
+
+"Decidedly not," replied Marian.
+
+"What, not when he knows what an attraction there will be?"
+
+"Don't talk such nonsense, Clara; the idea of thinking a man would take
+such a journey for a ball! Well, I hope you will be very happy."
+
+"O do come and see my dress, Marian, before it is packed up; it is on
+mamma's bed, and it is so beautiful!"
+
+Marian came, and admired. Caroline was to be Amy Robsart, and Clara,
+Janet Foster; a part her mother had chosen for her, as more appropriate
+to a girl not yet come out. Certainly, Tony Foster would scarcely have
+recognized his demure little Puritan under the little lace hood,
+the purple bodice, and white skirt, at which Clara looked with such
+exultation; and Janet was further to be supposed to have taken
+possession of the Countess's orient neck-pearls, and was to wear them as
+the only ornament that could with any propriety be bestowed on her. It
+happened that Marian had a remarkably fine set of pearls. She had few
+jewels of any kind; but these had been her grandmother's, and there
+was some tradition belonging to them which no one ever could remember.
+Janet's necklace was so much less pretty, that Marian could not help
+exclaiming that Clara had better wear hers. Clara demurred, for she knew
+Marian relied on these pearls to help out a dress which had seen more
+than one London party; but it ended in Marian's having her own way, and
+being contemptuous at the gratitude with which her loan was received.
+Yet she was surprised to find that it was a relief to her that Mrs.
+Lyddell departed a little from her cold politeness, and showed herself
+really pleased and obliged.
+
+Certainly, if Mrs. Lyddell had not in some degree relaxed, those two
+days would have been very forlorn. As it was, it was very odd to sit
+down to dinner with only Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell and Elliot, and to have no
+one but Mrs. Lyddell to speak to in the drawing-room. She was glad when
+the day came, to have it over; and she was not sufficiently hard-hearted
+to regret that it was as fine as could be wished. To High Down they
+went, and everything was just as Marian had expected,--every one walked
+about and idled, and wondered when the shooting would begin; and when
+it did begin, no one paid much attention to it except those who were
+interested in some of the competitors. Marian watched her pupil
+anxiously, and Clara, between excitement and nervousness, shot much
+worse than if she had been in the garden at home, and went so wide of
+the mark, that Marian was ashamed of her. Caroline did better, but not
+well; and the prize was of course borne off by Miss Grimley, who was
+popularly reported to have arrows enough to stock the quivers of two or
+three cupids.
+
+Clara ran up to Marian, and walked with her a little while; telling her
+all that had come to pass during the last two days,--a great deal of
+bustle, and merriment, and nonsense, which Clara seemed to have enjoyed
+excessively, and of which Marian could have said, "Every one to his
+taste." Of Caroline she saw little or nothing; and after wandering
+about in the rear of Mrs. Lyddell, and exchanging a great many cold
+salutations, and colder sentences of small-talk, she was very glad to
+find herself once more in the carriage, though it was only to go home,
+dine and dress for the ball, and then High Down again.
+
+She wore white, with jet ornaments, and a row of pearls round her
+hair,--the only thing that saved her from being rather shabbily dressed
+than otherwise. However, Mrs. Lyddell had long since announced that she
+had done saying anything about Marian's dress, and Fanny had not been a
+ladies' maid long enough to grow into a tyrant; so that she had her own
+way, and no one repeated to her, what she knew full well, that her white
+silk was yellow where it swept the ground, and the lace did not stand
+out as freshly as once it did.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell and Elliot talked and laughed all the way, quizzing the
+company very sociably, and both appearing in the highest spirits. Mr.
+Lyddell was asleep in his corner; Marian with her forehead against the
+window, and her thoughts with Gerald. They reached High Down in the
+midst of a stream of carriages; and Marian, in her plain white, had to
+walk into the ball-room with Elliot, who had completed his offences in
+her eyes, by daring to assume the dress of Sir Philip Sidney. She soon,
+however, was free of him, for he liked her as little as she liked him,
+and moreover had to go and perform his part in the noted Kenilworth
+quadrille. Marian was left standing by Mrs. Lyddell, as she usually did,
+through the greater part of a ball; for as she never waltzed, there
+were few dances in which she could take a part. She had made half the
+Oakworthy neighbours afraid of her; and Mrs. Lyddell, having found that
+all activity in the way of being a useful chaperon was thrown away, had
+acquiesced in leaving her to herself, "doing her justice" sufficient by
+taking her to the ball.
+
+Marian was entertained by the pageant, as she deemed it. It was a very
+pretty scene, with so many gay dresses, in the bright light; and it was
+amusing to recognise her acquaintances in the wonderful costumes some
+of them had seen fit to assume. She would have liked some one to
+laugh with, at a shepherdess dancing, crook and all; and she highly
+appreciated a good-natured old gentleman, who was willing to do
+anything, however absurd, that could please his friends, and had come
+out as my grave Lord Keeper himself, with
+
+  "His bushy beard and shoe-strings green,
+  His high-crowned hat and satin-doublet."
+
+Caroline looked more like a beauty than she had ever seen her before.
+Her fair ringlets and white neck had a peculiar elegance, set off by the
+delicate fan-like ruff, and graceful head-gear of the Countess Amy. The
+only fault that Marian could find was, that poor Amy never could have
+looked as if she had so much mind as Caroline's countenance expressed.
+As to her partner, Marian did not behold him with very different
+feelings, from those with which she would have regarded the real Earl
+of Leicester, could she have had one peep at the actual pageant of
+Kenilworth, with its outward pomp, masking the breaking hearts beneath.
+Thereupon she fell deep into musings on "Kenilworth," which she had read
+at home, when, so young and unlearned in novels as not to have a guess
+at what would happen, when it was all a wonder and fairy-land of
+delight, and when poor Tressilian's name of Edmund had been his first
+charm in her eyes, even before she loved him for his deep character and
+melancholy fate. She thought how unlike all this common-place world was
+to the world it aped--how far these Raleighs and Sidneys were from being
+worthy to usurp the name even for one evening! and as to Tressilian, how
+impossible to see any face here that would even shadow her idea of him!
+And yet she did not know; she might have to change her mind. There
+actually was a countenance handsome, thoughtful, almost melancholy
+enough for Tressilian himself, with the deep dark eyes, pale, clear,
+sun-burnt, brown complexion, and jetty hair that befitted her hero; a
+short beard and dark dress would have completed him, but she almost
+thought it a pity that such a face should appear above a scarlet coat
+and gold epaulettes.
+
+However, Tressilian had been moving towards the end of the room where
+she was standing, and was coming so near that she could not study him
+after the first; so she turned to speak to Miss Faulkner, who had
+finished her quadrille, and just as a polka was commencing, she was
+surprised by finding Tressilian himself standing by her, and asking to
+have the honour of dancing with her.
+
+"Thank you, I don't dance the Polka," she replied; and as she spoke
+quick flashes of thought crossed her thus--"I have not been introduced
+to him--I have met him before--how horrid of Tressilian's face to talk
+of polkas--ha! it is Edmund!"
+
+Edmund Arundel's eye it was that was glancing at her with a look of
+great amusement at her bewilderment.
+
+"The next quadrille," he proceeded, in the same ceremonious voice.
+
+"O Edmund, Edmund, I did not know you in the least! Who would have
+thought of seeing you here?"
+
+"Why not? Did you not know we were asked?"
+
+"Asked? yes; but who would have come who could have helped it?"
+
+"I wanted particularly to see you." Then, after speaking to Mrs.
+Lyddell, he turned to her again, and resumed, "But am I not to have the
+pleasure of dancing the next quadrille with you?"
+
+"If it is any pleasure to you, I am sure you are very welcome."
+
+"In the mean time, what is the meaning of your not being amongst the
+performers? You used to be a capital shot."
+
+"I? O, of course I could not shoot before all the world."
+
+"Well, I was in hopes my pupil had been doing me credit; so much so,
+that I tried very hard to make that lady with the silver arrow into
+you, and--" as Marian looked at Miss Grimley's thin, freckled face, and
+reddish, sandy locks, and could not help smiling, he continued, "when
+that would not quite do, I went on trying to turn each maid of honour
+into you, till, just as I gave you up, I saw young Dashwood fixed in
+contemplation; and well he might be, for there was something so majestic
+as could be nothing but Zenobia, Queen of the East, or Miss Arundel
+herself."
+
+"Majestic! nonsense! nothing can feel less majestic."
+
+"Then decidedly you are not what you seem."
+
+"I was trying all the time to make you into Tressilian, only your red
+coat was in the way. You know I never saw you in it before."
+
+"And so you have given up archery?"
+
+"O, no! I shoot at home; only I cannot make a spectacle of myself,--I
+hate the whole thing so much."
+
+"And you would not wear a fancy dress?"
+
+"You see I am in mourning."
+
+"Why, who is dead?"
+
+"Don't you know? Old Mr. Thomas Marchmont."
+
+"Yes, and his great-grandfather likewise! Well, you certainly are
+inclined to make the most of your connection with the peerage,"
+
+"Edmund!" and for the first time Marian felt as if she had been making
+herself more foolish than magnanimous. He gave his arm and they walked
+along together. He presently began abruptly, "What I came here for was
+to consult you about a plan for Gerald. You see I shall never get at him
+unless I have him alone. Now I don't like to take him away from you for
+the holidays, but I do not see how it is to be managed otherwise."
+
+"I don't do him any good now," said Marian sadly.
+
+"What I thought of was this; I find I can get leave for two months this
+summer. Now suppose I was to take him to Marchmont's grouse shooting
+place in Scotland, and about among the Highlands and Islands. Perhaps
+the pleasure of that excursion would make up for the being carried off
+by an awful guardian, and those scrambles might bring him to the old
+footing with me."
+
+"O it would be very nice to have him with you," said Marian; "but----"
+
+"Well, what is the but?"
+
+"I don't know, only would not taking him home be more likely to revive
+old associations than anything else?"
+
+"No," answered Edmund most decidedly; then in a more hesitating manner,
+as if casting about for reasons, he added, "I mean he was at home last
+year--it would not appear so inviting as this expedition--it would be
+giving every one a great deal of trouble."
+
+"To have the Manor House set to rights--yes--but just a week at the
+Parsonage--just to revive the old feelings with you. For you to teach
+him how to behave to the Fern Torr people."
+
+"No," repeated Edmund, "it would not do."
+
+He spoke in a manner that made Marian look up in his face with surprise,
+and exclaim as if hurt, "Then you are really casting off poor old Fern
+Torr."
+
+The next moment she was sorry she had said so, for his namesake in
+"Kenilworth" could never have worn a more melancholy aspect than he, as
+he answered in a very low voice of deep feeling, "I am the last man in
+the world to be reproached with too little affection for Fern Torr."
+
+Marian was grieved, surprised, confused, but she had no time to find an
+answer, for the quadrille was forming, Edmund began a search for _vis a
+vis_, and she found herself dancing before she had made up her mind what
+she should have said if she could have replied at once; but it was too
+late to return to the subject, and she thought it best to begin entirely
+another, by asking, the next time they were standing still, how he liked
+the officers of his new regiment.
+
+"Very much, most of them," replied Edmund; "one or two are particularly
+nice people."
+
+"Do you like any as well as Captain Gresham or--"
+
+"New friends are not old ones," quickly answered Edmund.
+
+"O no, but if you knew them as well, are there any equally worthy to be
+liked? I want you to be comfortable there very much, as it is all our
+fault."
+
+"Don't say any more of that, Marian. Thank you, I am very
+comfortable--they are a very pleasant set."
+
+"Are there any of them here?"
+
+"Yes, three of them."
+
+_L'Ete_ cut short his speech, and when they paused again he began, "I
+mean you to dance with Dashwood--there that rosy tall boy standing
+partnerless behind the lady in a Swiss fly-away cap."
+
+"O I see," said Marian.
+
+"Yes, and don't be high and mighty with him."
+
+"High and mighty, when I am only shy."
+
+"Effects are seen, causes are not equally on the surface."
+
+"O Edmund!"
+
+"Well, he is a very nice right-minded boy, very shy himself; so don't
+be grand, for I have a great regard for him, and I want him to have a
+pleasant evening."
+
+Marian was considerably frightened by being told to be agreeable, the
+thing which of all others she thought the most difficult; but she would
+attempt anything for the sake of obliging Edmund, and making no answer,
+consoled herself with thinking how far off the next quadrille was. In
+the mean time, whilst she danced in the most business-like and least
+pleasure-like way possible, she was pondering on what she had to say on
+her own account to her cousin, and when the quadrille was over and he
+took her to the supper room in quest of ices, she eagerly began, "Then
+you think me wrong about my fancy dress?"
+
+"Shall I give your own favourite reply?"
+
+"Don't you think it a good thing to avoid all this folly and expense?"
+
+"And to prove Miss Arundel's lofty contempt for finery and foolery?"
+
+"I do not want to set myself up, but how am I to help thinking all this
+nonsense?"
+
+"A hard question, since no one attempts to say it is far otherwise; but
+after all, everything in this world is nonsense, except as a means of
+doing right or wrong."
+
+"And you do not think I made this nonsense a means of doing right?"
+
+"If it had been any body else, I should have admired, but I do not trust
+_you_. However I know nothing about it, I cannot judge of the amount of
+sacrifice. Cream ice or water ice?"
+
+They could not converse any more just then, and in the next polka,
+Clara, who not being come out, was not well off for partners, was
+extremely honoured and delighted by being asked to dance by Mr. Arundel.
+When the turn of a quadrille came round again, Edmund, as good as his
+word, introduced to Marian his youthful ensign, and she, dreadfully
+afraid of not obeying Edmund by being agreeable to his friend, set
+herself to talk with all her might; told him what some of the costumes
+were intended to represent, speculated as to the others, found him
+very pleasant, and ended by making him consider his friend's cousin as
+delightful as she was handsome, and he had been very much impressed with
+her countenance. She saw Edmund was well pleased to see him looking
+animated and gratified, and the consequence was that she had to dance
+with another of his brother officers, and after all it had not been by
+any means such hard work to be amiable as she was apt to imagine. At any
+rate she never liked a ball so well, but then she had never met Edmund
+at any other, which might account for it. After the last quadrille, Mrs.
+Lyddell summoned her to come home, they took their leave of Caroline and
+Clara, whom Mrs. Lyddell promised to fetch to-morrow: Lady Julia was
+particularly full of empressement and affection, delighted that dear
+Caroline had been looking so lovely. She even came out with them to the
+cloak-room, where her son was assiduous in shawling Mrs. Lyddell, and
+all manner of civilities seemed to be passing among them in a low voice,
+while Edmund having disengaged Marian's shawl from the surrounding
+drapery, said, as he put it round her, "Then it is settled that I take
+Gerald and try to do for the best?"
+
+"O if you are so kind--"
+
+"Don's trust too much to it. I will try, which is all I can do."
+
+"No one can do him any good if you cannot."
+
+"Hush! And I must thank you for taking my scolding in such good part."
+
+"I deserved it."
+
+"I have since been thinking you are probably right. I am sure you are
+in the principle of the thing. It was the particular application that
+startled me."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell moved on, the carriage was at the door, they were all in
+it, Elliot of course last, and as he threw himself back in his corner
+and the door was shut, he exclaimed in a satisfied tone, "Well! he is
+coming it pretty strong!" Who was coming what? thought Marian, but her
+suspense did not last long, for Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell both chimed in
+with exclamations of satisfaction which left no doubt that they were
+delighting themselves in the prospect of seeing Caroline mistress of
+High Down. Marian had been in some slight degree prepared for this, she
+knew Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell would highly approve, nay, consider such a
+marriage as fulfilling their highest expectations, such an establishment
+as all that could be wished; and depending as she did on Caroline's
+principle and right feeling, she was sorry to think how much vexation
+and worrying was in store for her. As she sat disregarded and forgotten
+through that long dark drive, hearing all the eager gratulations and
+anticipations of her three companions, regarding a marriage which she
+could not think of without a sort of horror, how did she despise them,
+feel imprisoned, and long to make her escape. She had not the least
+doubt as to what Caroline would do; her rejection of such a man was a
+matter of certainty; but Marian was vexed with her for having allowed
+herself to become so intimate with the Faulkners, and thought she had
+brought on herself all the annoyances that would follow.
+
+Tired, irritated, excited, Marian was very glad to escape from the
+carriage, wish the rest good night, and run up to her own room. She sat
+before her glass, slowly brushing out her long dark hair, and trying
+to bring home her feverish thoughts, and dwell on what had passed,
+especially with Edmund, on whom she had not yet had time to think, and
+of all those hints of his, as to her behaviour in this matter. Had he
+approved it or not? or would he if he had known all the circumstances?
+There was something that struck her a good deal in his saying "I cannot
+judge of the amount of sacrifice." Had it been a sacrifice to wear a
+plain dress, to abstain from archery? It would have been, to Clara, but
+was it to her? and as she looked at the two grey volumes, with their
+store of pretty engravings and pleasant reading which lay on her table,
+and thought that they were her own for life, and that Anne Clifford's
+dress would now be laid aside and useless for ever after the archery
+prize, if she had won it, would be worthless, and the admiration,
+had she valued it, passed from her ears, she could not feel, for one
+instant, that it had been a sacrifice. Then again came his words, "every
+thing in this world is nonsense, except as a means of doing right or
+wrong." Yes, pretty books, pleasant pictures, taste and intellect were
+in themselves as little precious as dress and finery, things as fleeting
+when compared with eternity, except so far as they trained the soul
+and the higher faculties which _might_ endure for ever. She thought of
+"Whether there he prophecies, they shall fail, whether there be tongues,
+they shall cease, whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away."
+All was a shadow except that charity which never faileth, a beautiful
+picture, even as a costly dress! the way we treat these things alone
+enduring. Her head throbbed as she tried to be certain as to whether she
+had acted right. If the dress had required the money set apart for the
+poor she would have been perfectly clear about it, but she knew it
+need not have done so. Would her vanity have been gratified? Decidedly
+not--admiration of her face was so distasteful to her proud shrinking
+bashfulness, that she felt it like an insult when reported to her, and
+could almost have wished not to be so handsome, if it had not been more
+agreeable to an artist-like eye to see a tolerable physiognomy in the
+glass, when obliged to look there, and besides she would not but be like
+the Arundels, and was well satisfied with the consciousness of having
+their features, as indeed she would have been if their noses had been
+turned up and their "foreheads villainous low." If _her_ vanity was
+gratified, it was by standing apart from, and being able to look down on
+the rest of the world; and as Marian became conscious of this, her mind
+turned from it with the vexation of spirit, the disgust and sensation of
+dislike, and willingness to forget all about it, that every one is apt
+to feel with regard to a vanity passed away--something analogous to the
+contempt and dislike with which we turn from the withered shreds of
+tangible vanity, faded and crumpled artificial flowers, and tumbled
+gauze ribbon when disinterred from some dusty and forgotten corner. No
+feeling is much more unpleasant than the loathing of an old vanity; and
+though this of Marian's was not yet old, yet that touch of Edmund's
+which had shown her how he regarded her "high-and-mightiness," had made
+her very much ashamed of it. Then came the question whether it was,
+after all, self-will that had actuated her, pride and self-will, leading
+her contrary to every one's wishes, where she was not sure that she was
+fulfilling a duty. Again, on the other hand, there was this point about
+the Faulkner family, her dislike to them was founded on principle;
+indeed it was not dislike, for she allowed their agreeableness of
+manner, it was disapproval; it was determination not to enter into
+anything approaching to intimate acquaintance with a man whom she
+believed to be little better than an infidel. If Edmund knew this, would
+not he think her right? But then to be consistent, she should not have
+accepted his hospitality in any degree; she ought not to have gone to
+the ball, nor ever to have dined at his house. How far was she called on
+to set her face against him, how far was she independent, how far was
+obedience to the Lyddells a duty? This must be for a question for Edmund
+another time, and she hoped that Caroline's refusal would put an end
+to the intercourse. Nor were these all her reflections. She thought of
+Edmund and his kindness to Gerald, and the hopes, nay the confidence
+which it revived in her, setting her mind fully at rest about her
+precious brother, for in spite of Edmund's despondency, she could not
+help trusting entirely to the renewal of his influence; for who was
+like Edmund? Who so entirely treated, as well as spoke of, the world as
+nothing except as a means of doing right or wrong?
+
+But then that he should be out of spirits, as she had more plainly than
+ever perceived to-night, in spite of the gaiety he had at first assumed,
+his manner of replying when she pressed him to go to Fern Torr, and his
+absolute avoidance of it, struck and puzzled her much as well as grieved
+her. She knew his loneliness, and could understand that he might be
+melancholy, but why he should shrink from the home he so loved was
+beyond what she could fathom.
+
+She knew Clara would laugh at her for his having come so many miles on
+her account. Yes, quite sure that it was nonsense. Edmund had talked
+of coming to see her, so openly, he had laughed at and blamed her so
+uncompromisingly, that she had no doubt that he had not the least
+inclination to fall in love with her. She had the best of elder brothers
+in him, and he would take care of Gerald, and, happy in her confidence
+she fell asleep.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+  "What is that which I should turn to, lighting upon days like these?
+  Every door is barr'd with gold and opens but to golden keys.
+         *       *       *       *       *
+  "Yearning for the large excitement that the coming years would yield,
+  Eager hearted as a boy when he first leaves his father's field."
+
+  TENNYSON.
+
+
+Marian was not up much later than usual the next morning, but she had
+a long time to wait for the rest of the party. She read, wrote, drew,
+tried to busy herself as usual all the morning, but whether it was that
+she was tired with her ball, or that she was anxious about Caroline,
+she did not prosper very much, and grew restless and dissatisfied. She
+wished she knew whether she had done right, she wished she could feel
+that she had been kind and accommodating.
+
+Her head was dull and heavy from the struggle to occupy herself when her
+mind was full, and after luncheon she tried to drive her stupidity away
+by a very long ride. Groom and horses were always at her service, as a
+part of Mrs. Lyddell's justice to her, and off she set, in search of
+breezes, to the highest and furthest downs, by her attainable. On she
+went, cantering fast, feeling her power over her spirited pony, letting
+the summer sun shine full on her face, and the wind, when she had ridden
+where she could meet it, stream in a soft ripple round her head, like
+the waves of the summer tide. She rode far enough to attain the object
+she had proposed to herself, namely, to look down on Salisbury spire,
+pointing up in its green valley with the fresh meadows around it, giving
+a sense of refreshment, repose and holy influence, which her eye carried
+to her mind. Good men had raised that pile, had knelt there, sung
+in praise there, and now lay asleep within its grey walls and shady
+cloisters; men and women who had been to the full as much wearied and
+perplexed with sin and worldliness around them as she could ever feel;
+they had struggled through, their worn and fainting hearts had rested
+there, and now their time of peace was come. Why should it not be so
+with her?
+
+Ah! but things were changed; in their time there was energy; there were
+great crimes indeed, but the Church was active. The bad was very bad,
+but the good was very good, there were real broad questions then of
+right and wrong, not the coldness and frivolity, where all was so
+worthless that there was scarce a possibility of caring or seeing which
+part was the right.
+
+No, Marian would not accuse the time in which she was born, and the
+station to which it had pleased God to call her. Mr. Wortley had warned
+her against that. She had a Church, the one true holy Catholic Church,
+as surely and truly, nay, the very same that those men of old had, and
+was as much bound to love it, serve it, fight for it in her own way, as
+ever they had felt themselves. Life, truth, goodness, there was still,
+she saw it, knew it, felt it in some; and though there was little of it
+in her immediate home, so little as to make her heart faint, she knew
+that
+
+  "Israel yet has thousands sealed
+  Who to Baal never kneeled."
+
+If there was this frivolity, this deadness and chilliness about these
+present days, she knew it was a temptation long since prophesied of, as
+about to grow on the world "when, the love of many should wax cold," but
+the help and the hope were never to fail, and while she might but grasp
+after them, she had enough to do, and need not feel faint and weary.
+
+Her ride had done her good, her sensation of bodily lassitude and mental
+stupidity had been driven off by the active exercise which had produced
+a more wholesome kind of fatigue, and the temper which tended to
+discontent had partly gone with them, partly been chased away by
+reflection in a right spirit. As she was entering the park, Elliot, also
+on horseback, came up in time to profit by the same opening of the gate.
+
+"Are you but just come home, Marian?" said he, "I thought I was very
+late."
+
+"I don't know what o'clock it is, but I see the sun is getting low."
+
+"Have not you been at High Down?"
+
+"No, I have been to Beacon Hill."
+
+"To Beacon Hill! That _is_ a ride! And you have not seen any of them
+since they came home?"
+
+"No, I have been out all the afternoon."
+
+"Well, I have a notion you will have something to hear. I dare say you
+have some idea. Catch a young lady not up to a thing like that."
+
+A cold horror and disgust came over Marian, and she would not make a
+single inquiry, but Elliot went on.
+
+"So you will ask no questions? I believe you are in the secret the whole
+time."
+
+"No, I am not."
+
+"No? You will never persuade me that you are not. Why, what else can you
+ladies sit up half the night talking about in your bed rooms?"
+
+Marian despised him too much to deny.
+
+"Then do you really mean to profess," said Elliot, turning full towards
+her, so as to look her in the face in what she deemed an impertinent
+way, "that you cannot guess the news that is waiting for you?"
+
+For once in her life she could not say "I don't know," and her answer
+was a very cold "I believe I do;" while in the meantime she was almost
+feeling, and quite looking, as if she could have cut off his bead. His
+disagreeableness was the one present pain, but behind it was undefined
+consternation, for she perceived that, at any rate, he did not think
+Caroline had refused Mr. Faulkner.
+
+"You keep your congratulations till it is formally announced," said he
+maliciously, still looking at her, though few save himself could have
+failed to be abashed by the firm, severe expression of her dark eyes,
+and lips compressed into all the sternness of the Queen of Olympus.
+
+Happily they were so close to the house that Marian, who would not deign
+a reply, could avoid him without absolute rudeness. She threw her rein
+to the groom, and sprung to the ground before Elliot had time to offer
+his assistance, then ran hastily across the hall just as Clara was
+coming out of the drawing-room.
+
+"Why, Elliot!" cried Clara meeting her brother, "you have not been
+riding with Marian?"
+
+"With Marian? No, I thank you! I only met with her at the gate, and have
+been spoiling your market."
+
+"You don't mean that you have been telling her?" cried Clara; "O I
+wanted to have been first."
+
+"Precious little thanks you'll get!" said Elliot; but Clara, without
+attending to him, flew up stairs after Marian, who had reached her room,
+and while Fanny was endeavouring to get her dressed in time for dinner,
+was trying to collect her dismayed thoughts. She would not believe
+Caroline so foolish, nay, so wicked as to accept him, yet if it could
+possibly be true, what in the world should she say or do which way
+should she look, or how should she answer? In the midst of her first
+confusion in danced Clara, with a face full of delight at having
+something to tell, then looking blank at Fanny's presence.
+
+"Marian--my dear Marian--what do you think?" was her first eager
+beginning, then changing into "How--how late you are--where have you
+been! I really thought you had been out with Elliot," and she laughed.
+
+"I only fell in with him at the gate. I have been to Beacon Hill."
+
+"Have you indeed? O I wish you had come with mamma! So Elliot has
+been provoking, and told you," she added, stopping there, and looking
+significant.
+
+Marian glanced at Fanny, and shook her head. She was very glad she had
+such a protector, to give her time to collect her thoughts, but this was
+not easy, for Clara went rattling on in an eager discursive way about
+all sorts of things, the archery, the dancing, the partners, the
+dresses, hardly knowing what she said, nor Marian either, fidgeting
+about, trying to expedite the dressing, and looking most impatient, till
+at last Marian, anxious to know what had really taken place, pitying her
+eagerness, and willing to have it over, hurried the fastening of her
+dress, and arranging of her lace, and told Fanny to leave them.
+
+"O Marian! Marian! what a shame of Elliot to have told you all about it.
+Did you expect it?"
+
+"He only half told me," replied Marian, "but make haste, Clara, let me
+hear. Is Caroline really engaged?"
+
+"Yes--yes--O yes! and every one is so delighted, Lady Julia, and Julia
+and Louisa, and all!"
+
+"And she has accepted him?"
+
+"O yes to be sure--at least--yes, only you know it is too soon to settle
+when they will be married. What a charming wedding it will be, won't
+it, Marian?--you and I find Julia and Louisa, and their cousins will be
+bridesmaids O! how delightful it will be. And then I shall come out."
+
+"But Clara, Clara, don't be wild, do tell me all about it."
+
+"Ah! you see you missed something by not coming to stay there as we did.
+And to tell you a great secret, Marian, Louisa says she really believes
+that it was you that her brother thought of, when he first accepted
+Elliot's invitation to come and stay here."
+
+"Nonsense," said Marian, though her colour would rise.
+
+"And he had not seen Caroline then, Louisa says," proceeded Clara, but
+there she got into an inextricable confusion, and was not speedy in
+stammering out of it, having suddenly remembered that it was no great
+compliment to tell Marian that Louisa had said how glad they all were
+that it was not Miss Arundel. Marian cut the hesitation short by saying,
+"You have not told me when it was settled, or how you heard it."
+
+"It was settled last night after you were gone--in the conservatory--
+such a pretty place for a love affair, as Louisa says--at least I mean
+he asked her, but I don't think she gave him any real regular answer--
+no, certainly she did not."
+
+"Did you know of it that evening?"
+
+"O yes, Louisa and I had great fun in watching him all day, and all the
+day before, we saw it all quite plain."
+
+"But did Caroline tell you that night?"
+
+"Yes, of course she did. She could not have kept it from me, you know,
+for I began to laugh at her the minute we came up, and asked her if she
+had not been delightfully employed, and you should have seen what a
+colour she grew directly."
+
+"And what did she say?" asked Marian very anxiously, almost hoping it
+might prove that Caroline's acceptance might have been taken for granted
+without having been really given.
+
+"I don't exactly remember what she said, she was very grave and said it
+was no laughing matter, or something of that kind, and she walked up and
+down and begged me to be quiet and let her think."
+
+"Well!"
+
+"Then I begged her only to let me know if he had proposed, and what she
+had said, and she told me she had said nothing--she could not tell--she
+must have time, and then she leant her head against the side of the bed,
+and said she wished she knew what to do! And when I tried to cheer her
+up, and said how delightful it would be----"
+
+"O Clara, how could you?" broke from Marian.
+
+"Ah! I know you can't bear the Faulkners, but you must now, for they
+will be your cousins, you know, Marian. And I assure you I did not say
+anything silly, I said it was not only that Mr. Faulkner is handsome and
+rich, that would not be anything, you know, but he is so sensible and so
+agreeable, and kind, and good tempered, and we are all so fond of him,
+and the Faulkners all so fond of her, and it would be so very nice to
+have her close to us, and mamma would be so charmed. Well, poor dear
+girl, she did not sleep at all that night, and this morning she only
+wanted, if she could, to have sent a note for us to be sent for to come
+home to breakfast, but that could not be, you know, and when we came
+down, Lady Julia was so kind and affectionate, and kissed her and said
+she was tired, and took her to lie on the sofa, in the little boudoir.
+Lady Julia sat with her there first, and then Mr. Faulkner came, and
+stayed with her a long, long time."
+
+"O!" sighed Marian, "was it settled then?"
+
+"Not exactly settled, but somewhere about three o'clock, Mr. Faulkner
+ordered his horse, and rode out to find papa, and then Caroline ran up
+to our room, and bolted the door, and said she could not let me in,
+but just then mamma came and went up to her, and it was all joy and
+congratulation through the whole house. Mr. Faulkner came back and papa
+with him. But dear me, there is the second bell! Come, Marian! O, I do
+so wish you had been there."
+
+If Marian had been there, perhaps things would not have been exactly as
+they were at present, though this was very far from what Clara intended
+by her wish. Marian had done infinite mischief by the severity which had
+weakened the only home influence excepting Walter's which held Caroline
+to the right. Caroline respected her extremely, but the confidence and
+affection which had been growing up slowly but surely out of that root
+of esteem, had been grievously dulled and blighted, and at a most
+critical time. It had in fact been almost killed down to the ground, and
+though the root was a healthy one, and might yet shoot forth again,
+the opportunity had been missed when it might have been turned to good
+account.
+
+Caroline knew Mr. Faulkner not to be a religious man, and her better
+principles warned her against him; but on the other hand she really
+liked his manners extremely, her heart was warmed towards him by his
+preference and expressions of affection, and she did not know whether
+she loved him already or not, or whether she should allow herself to
+love him, as he was sure she could do. She had been used to a world
+where the service of GOD was not the first object; she had always lived
+with men whose thoughts and time were otherwise engrossed, and though
+she might regret what she saw, her standard had been lowered, and she
+was far less inclined to hold aloof front one whom her conscience did
+not approve, than if she had been accustomed to see everything desirable
+in her own family; in those whom nature and duty obliged her to love and
+respect.
+
+By the Faulkners she was greeted with such kindness as to win her heart,
+and she thought the power she would enjoy at High Down would enable her
+to set things on a footing there, on which she could never place them at
+home; she could not fail to be happy with Mr. Faulkner; she might work
+upon his mind, if he loved her as he said he did. Still there stood the
+great unanswerable obstacle, the three words, "It is wrong!" If she
+stood alone, if there was no family on either side, she could, she would
+refuse, but dismay seized on her when she thought of the displeasure,
+the persecution at home if she rejected him; on the other hand she
+shrank from ingratitude for the kindness of the Faulkners. There was
+Clara putting her in mind of all that could bias her in his favour,
+rejoicing already, saying how all the family would rejoice.
+
+O that interval, that night! if Marian had but stood there with the
+grave, earnest, heartfelt voice that repelled all sophistry with the
+wonted "I don't know," if the dark eyes had been there to look with
+contempt on all but the "right," and to fill with tears, the more
+touching because so rare, as her tenderness, her deep feeling would
+have been called out by the sensation of seeing and aiding a friend to
+struggle nobly against a temptation, if Caroline had felt and seen the
+superiority, the loveableness of real, true, uncompromising regard for
+right, and right alone, if she had been by one touch made to partake
+of the horror Marian felt of any failure in faith, then all the innate
+strength and nobleness of her character might have been awakened, and
+she would have clung to "the right" at any cost, supported, carried
+through by Marian's approval and sympathy, keeping her up to feel that
+higher approval was with her.
+
+But alas! alas! Marian was at a distance, and her image had at present
+connected itself with harshness and haughtiness. She might be good;
+but such goodness did not invite imitation; she did not appear half as
+agreeable as the Faulkners. Caroline turned away from the recollection
+of her, was all night and all the morning distressed, undecided, and
+vacillating; then came Lady Julia's affection, her lover pressing his
+suit, she hardly knew what she had said, but she found her consent
+was assumed, both families were rejoicing in it, she found herself
+considered to be engaged, and she returned home bewildered at all that
+had passed, flattered, almost intoxicated with the attention of various
+kinds paid her by every one, at High Down, and when her wonted dread of
+Marian's disapproving eye would return, hardening herself against it
+with the thought that Marian could not make every one as Utopian as
+her own Edmund and Fern Torr, that she was proud and determined in
+prejudice, and after all what right had she to interfere? Of Walter,
+Caroline did not dare to think.
+
+Marian came down with Clara, wearing a rigid company countenance,
+expressing more of indifference than of anything else; she would not
+look at Caroline lest her eye should seem to judge her, and only by
+furtive glances perceived that she looked pale, worn and wearied. There
+was talk about the ball going on all dinner-time, but Caroline hardly
+put in a word, and Marian's were not many. Directly after dinner
+Caroline said she was tired, and should lie down till tea-time; she went
+and Mrs. Lyddell, taking Marian by the hand, exclaimed, "Now, Marian, I
+must be congratulated. I suppose Clara has told you all about it."
+
+"Yes, Clara told me," said Marian, resolved not to offend except where
+she could not avoid it without sacrificing truth.
+
+"You could scarcely be surprised," said Mrs. Lyddell. "It has been
+evident for a long time. Dear Caroline! Well, I am sure this is a
+satisfaction! Settled so near home, and family and connection exactly
+what could be wished; and so extremely fond of her."
+
+"Yes, Lady Julia is very fond of her."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was too much rejoiced herself not to take sympathy for
+granted. The point, on which Caroline's scruples were founded, and which
+caused Marian's dislike, had never even occurred to her: she lived
+little, or rather not at all, in Marian's confidence, and really did not
+know that she disliked the Faulkners more than any one else, since her
+manners were so universally distant, that a little ungraciousness more
+or less was not very visible to a casual observer like Mrs. Lyddell.
+That same ordinary coldness and undemonstrativeness which had never
+thawed to Mrs. Lyddell was the reason that the entire absence of any
+expression of gladness or congratulation was not remarked, or at least
+only taken as her way, and besides at the bottom of her heart, Mrs.
+Lyddell was very much obliged to Marian for the repelling manner which
+had left the field to her daughter. So Marian got very well through
+half an hour's interview, without giving offence; but she feared the
+_tete-a-tete_ with Caroline, and resolved as much as possible to avoid
+it, since she could do no good, and did not think it right to express
+her sentiments unless they were positively called for. Disappointed in
+Caroline, grieved, giving her up for lost, yet loving and pitying her,
+she had rather never meet her again, certainly not have any confidential
+intercourse with her.
+
+She need not have feared: Caroline was quite as much inclined to avoid
+her as she could be to avoid Caroline; by mutual consent they shunned
+being left alone together, and talked of indifferent matters if they
+were, for there was not familiarity enough for silence. When with the
+others Caroline was the same as usual, lively, agreeable, obliging;
+perhaps, and Marian thought it strange, a shade gayer than her wont. In
+her behaviour to Mr. Faulkner every one agreed that she was exactly the
+right thing, quiet and sensible, and, as people said, "evidently so very
+much attached to him." Marian would have given worlds to know what was
+passing in her secret soul, but the right of reading there was gone.
+What did Walter think? To this also there was no answer; if he wrote,
+Marian heard nothing about his letter, and he did not come home. He was
+to be ordained in the autumn to a curacy in a large manufacturing town
+in the north of England, and in the meantime he was staying there with
+one of the other curates, helping in the schools, and learning something
+of the work before him. There was not a doubt in Marian's mind that his
+sister's engagement must be a great sorrow to him, and that this was the
+reason why he would not come home, even for a short visit. For Caroline,
+so really good, right thinking and excellent as she was, so far above
+the general tone of her family, wilfully to place herself in such a
+situation, to cast away all the high and true principles with which she
+had once been imbued, was too sad and grievous to be borne by one who
+loved her as Marian, did all the time, and how much worse it must be for
+her brother?
+
+Yes, little did most of those who saw Marian's unmoved, marble
+countenance, and heard her stiff, formal words, guess at the intensity
+of feeling beneath, which to those who knew her best was betokened by
+that very severity; how acutely she was suffering for the future before
+Caroline, how strong were the impulses to plead with her once more, how
+sick and loathing her heart felt at the manner in which this hateful
+connection was treated by all around. If that reserve could, or ought
+to, have been broken, Marian would have astonished them all.
+
+If her former anxieties about Gerald had been as of old, she really did
+not know how she could have endured them in addition to all this; but
+while she was at ease about him nothing could quite overwhelm her. And
+she was very happy about him; Mr. Lyddell had readily consented to the
+Highland plan, and Gerald was so enchanted that he forgot all his former
+fears of Edmund, saw in him only a fellow-sportsman, and when he wrote
+to tell his sister of the project, decorated his letter with a portrait
+of the holidays, every one of the thirty-seven days represented in a
+sort of succession of clouds one behind the other, in each of which
+Gerald was doing something delightful,--boating, shooting, bagging his
+game, and enjoying an infinite variety of sports, the invention and
+representation of which did considerable credit to his ingenuity. On the
+very day after the Eton election, he met Edmund in London, and they set
+off together to spend the time before the ecstatic twelfth of August in
+visits to the Trosachs, to Fingal's cave and every other Scottish wonder
+of note.
+
+Lionel returned alone, and the first thing he said as he skimmed his hat
+across the hall table was, "There! thank goodness, I shan't touch a book
+again these five weeks!" Every one asked after his eyes, but they told
+their own story, for they were considerably inflamed, and so evidently
+out of order that Mrs. Lyddell herself grew anxious, and the apothecary,
+Mr. Wells, was sent for. He spoke of their having been over tried by the
+school work, advised complete rest, and sent his mixture to bathe them,
+which in a day or two reduced the inflammation, made them comfortable,
+and restored them to their ordinary appearance, so that all anxiety
+passed off again.
+
+Marian, like the others, dismissed the fear, though a flash of
+apprehension now and then crossed her mind. She was more with Lionel
+than the others, they had always been great allies, and at present were
+more thrown together than had ever been the case before. Johnny had been
+appointed to a ship which was to sail from Plymouth in a very short
+time, and he only came home for two or three days, from the school where
+he had been prepared. Mr. Lyddell took him to London for his outfit, and
+then on to Plymouth; Mrs. Lyddell was extremely overset, more so than
+Marian had thought her capable of being, for Johnny was her favourite,
+she regarded him as a victim, and could not bear to expose him to all
+the perils of sea and climate.
+
+Johnny however went to Plymouth, and then there was nothing to be
+desired but that he should soon sail, that his mother might settle her
+mind, for in the mean time she was nervously anxious and restless,
+and could scarcely give her attention to anything, not even to the
+Faulkners, far less to what Marian was observing from time to time about
+Lionel's eyes.
+
+Now that John and Gerald were away, Lionel was deprived of his wonted
+companions: Elliot did not patronize him, and was besides too busy about
+the races to occasion on his own account any home sports in which Lionel
+might have taken a share, so that there was no companionship for him
+excepting with the young ladies. Caroline's and Clara's time was a great
+deal taken up with the Faulkners, and Marian and Lionel were thus left
+out by all and almost obliged to make a coalition.
+
+Lionel haunted the drawing-room in the morning, either talking in the
+half-rhodomontade, half-in-earnest fashion of boys of sixteen, or
+listening if there was any reading aloud going forward. Clara's readings
+with Marian and Caroline had well-nigh fallen to the ground now, and
+Caroline almost always spent the morning in her own room, but Marian now
+and then caught Clara and managed to get her to do something rational.
+More often, however, the reading was on Marian's part to Lionel; he
+liked to hear her read scraps of any book she might have in hand, and
+she was very merciful to him in the selection, not being by any means
+too wise. She read him likewise the new numbers of the periodical tales,
+as well as the particulars of the rowing matches and cricket matches,
+overcoming for his sake her dislike to touching Elliot's sporting
+newspaper. Indeed she had not so forgotten her cricket as not to be very
+much interested, to enter into all his notes and comments, and to be as
+anxious for the success of Eton as he was himself, so that if she had
+been called to give an account of her whole morning's work for three
+days, she could have said nothing of it but that she had been studying
+the matches at Lord's.
+
+In the afternoon, if Marian could escape from the drive in the carriage,
+they walked or rode together, the latter when it was not too bright a
+day, for Lionel avoided the sunshine like an owl; and when in their
+walks a sunny field, or piece of down had to be passed, he drew his hat
+down and came under the shelter of Marian's parasol, as if he fairly
+dreaded the glare. He was very apt too not to recognise people whom they
+met, and now and then made such strange mistakes about small objects
+near at hand, that though they were laughed at just at the moment,
+Marian thought them fearful signs when she recollected them afterwards,
+in that half-waking half-sleeping time when she had learnt to entertain
+herself with anxieties. Chess or backgammon was the great resource in
+the evening, when there was no dining out, and no grand dinner party,
+and the number of games Marian played with him were beyond all
+reckoning. He played, she thought, more by the touch than the eye, often
+feeling the head of a piece to satisfy himself whether it had the king's
+crown or the queen's round head, the bishop's mitre or the knight's
+ears, but he was so quick and ready that it was impossible to tell how
+far the defect of sight went, and she could not bear to ask or awaken
+his fears.
+
+She did not think he had any; she did not believe that he had ever seen
+quite as well as other people, and therefore trusted to sight less than
+most; and his eyes had been so often ailing, and then better, that he
+was not likely to take alarm now. If he had, she believed he would have
+told her, for he was very confidential with her, and she often thought
+it a great pity that no one else had thought it worth while to enter
+into him enough to find out what a right-thinking, sensible boy he was,
+and how affectionate he would be if they would only let him. One day,
+when they had been taking a long ride together, he began talking about
+his intentions for the future. It arose out of some observation about
+the value of a tree in a new and an old country. Marian had been
+lamenting that no modern houses were ever built with the beautiful
+patterns of dark timbers, as we see them in old farm-houses; and Lionel
+answering that so much wood could never be afforded in England now.
+
+"No, you must go to a primeval forest for that," said Marian; "and very
+stupid it is of the people in the colonies to build houses as bad or
+worse than ours, when they have all the materials for nothing."
+
+"Well, I will build a famous house when I emigrate," said Lionel; "a
+regular model of an old English farm-house it shall be,--stout, and
+strong, and handsome,--just to put the people in mind that they do
+belong to an old country, after all."
+
+"When you emigrate, Lionel?"
+
+"Yes, I really have a great mind to do so, seriously, Marian," and he
+rode nearer to her. "I do think it would be the best thing I could do.
+Don't you think so?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, considering, while his eager face was
+turned towards her.
+
+"You see," Lionel continued, "we must all do something for ourselves;
+and I am sure my eyes will never be fit for study. To be a clergyman is
+out of the question for me, even if I was good enough; and so is the
+law--"
+
+"Yes, yes, certainly."
+
+"Well, then, there is only the army, and there one can't get on without
+money. Now you know Elliot has been a monstrous expense to my father of
+late, and the times have grown so bad, and everything altogether has
+gone wrong; so that I think the only thing for it would be for me to go
+off to some new part of the world, where, when I once had a start, my
+own head and hands would maintain me,--no thanks to anybody."
+
+"I dare say it would," said Marian, rather sadly, "I am sure these are
+right grounds, Lionel; but it is a terrible severing of all home ties."
+
+"O, but I should come back again. I should be an Englishman still, and
+come back when I had made my fortune."
+
+"O, Lionel, don't be in a hurry to make a fortune; that spoils every
+one."
+
+"No, no, I am not going to grasp and grub for money; I hate that. Only
+if the fortune comes, one does not know how, with cattle, or horses, or
+lands--O, Marian, think of being an Australian stockman, riding after
+those famous jockeys of wild bulls--hurra!" Lionel rose in his stirrups,
+and flourished his whip round his head, so as greatly to amaze his
+steed. "There is a life to lead in a great place bigger than all Europe,
+instead of being stifled up in this little bit of a poky England, every
+profession choke full of people!"
+
+"Well done, Lionel, you do want a field indeed!"
+
+"So I do. I hate to be fenced up, and in, every way. I should like to
+break out in some fresh place, and feel I had all the world before me!
+Then I'll tell you what, Marian," and he spoke with infinite relish,
+"suppose matters got a little worse here, and they were all of them
+really in distress!"
+
+"O Lionel!"
+
+"Well, but listen. Then I should like to come home with all this fortune
+that I had made somehow, and get them all on their legs again; buy back
+the estate, perhaps, and give it to papa again; and then--and then"--his
+voice quivered a little, and his eyes winked, as if the sun had dazzled
+them--"see if mamma would not think me worth something, after all!"
+
+This was the only time Lionel had ever said a word to show that he was
+conscious of his mother's disregard of him; and the feeling it called up
+made Marian's heart so full that she could not reply. But he wanted no
+answer, and went on. "Would not that be worth living for, Marian? But,
+after all, that is all nonsense," he added, with a sigh; "at least it is
+all a chance. But what I really think is, that I should do much better
+for myself and every one else, in one of the colonies; and I have a
+great mind to speak to my father about it. By the by, I wish Mr. Arundel
+would come here when he has finished his journey with Gerald; I should
+like to talk to him about the Cape. I rather fancy the Cape, because of
+the lions; and one might have a chance of a row now and then with the
+Caffres."
+
+Marian began telling all she could about the Cape, and from that time
+her _tete-a-tetes_ with Lionel were chiefly spent in discussions upon
+the comparative merits of the colonies. One thing Lionel was resolved
+on. "I will go somewhere where there is a Church within a tolerable
+distance,--say twenty miles; that is a short one for a colony, you know,
+Marian; for I know I am such a wild fellow, that I should very soon
+forget everything good, if I had not something to put me in mind of it.
+Or, by the by, Marian, what would be jolly would be to get Walter to go;
+I dare say he would, if it was some place where they were very badly off
+indeed, with plenty of natives, and all very savage."
+
+Marian understood quite well enough, to agree that it must be some place
+"very badly off indeed" to invite Walter, and Lionel greatly enjoyed the
+further arranging of plans for taking care of his intended chaplain,
+whom he meant to save from roughing it as much as possible. However,
+this might be regarded as a very aerial pinnacle of his castle, the
+first foundation of which was yet to be laid, by broaching the subject
+to his father. Lionel talked over the proposing it many times with his
+counsellor, and at length resolved upon it, with some slight hope that
+it might save his eyes from the suffering of another half year at Eton,
+which, as the holidays came nearer to an end, he began to dread.
+
+"You see, Marian," he said, "I do not like to give out, when I can help
+it, for they think it shirking, and there was a time when I did shirk;
+but a great many times last half, I was nearly mad with the aching and
+smarting of my eyes after I had been reading. And all I did was by bits
+now and then; for if I went on long the letters danced, and there was a
+mist between me and them."
+
+"I wish you would tell Mr. Lyddell; I am sure it is not fit to go on in
+such a way."
+
+"I have told Wells," answered Lionel.
+
+A pause--then Lionel said, "I believe papa is in the library; I'll go
+and speak to him about the emigration."
+
+Marian was very anxious to hear the result of the conference, but she
+could not find out anything just at first as she had to drive out with
+Mrs. Lyddell and Caroline to make calls. In the evening, over the game
+at chess, Lionel told her that his father said he should talk to his
+mother about it; and two days after he came to her in the hall, saying,
+"Come and take a turn in the plantation walk, Marian; 'tis nice and
+shady there, and I have something to tell you."
+
+The something was as follows: "Well, Marian, my father was very kind,
+paid something about its being a sensible notion, and that he would see
+about it."
+
+"But are you to go back to Eton?"
+
+"Yes, that must be; and I must scramble on as best I may. It will be
+better at first, after all this rest. It is something gained that the
+whole plan is not knocked on the head at once."
+
+"Then he gives his consent?"
+
+"Why, he says it will be time to think of it in a year or two, and I
+am too young as yet, which is true enough; only, I wish I was to be
+learning farming, instead of torturing my eyes with what will be no good
+out there. Then he said, as to giving up the army, I need not think that
+was necessary, because it was only that he did not want to have two
+sons in it, and now Johnny is otherwise disposed of; and, besides Mr.
+Faulkner had behaved in such a handsome way about Caroline's fortune.'
+
+"O!" said Marian.
+
+"Yes, I don't like that at all," said Lionel. "Johnny always was crazy
+to be a sailor, so he is all right, and that is not what I care for; but
+I don't want to be beholden to Mr. Faulkner. I had rather Caroline had
+her own money, and not that we should all profit by her making this
+grand marriage."
+
+"I should quite feel with you."
+
+"Marian, we have never talked that over; but I know you cannot bear the
+Faulkners."
+
+"What is the use of asking me, Lionel?"
+
+"O, I know you can't, as well as if you had said so; and I want to know
+how you could let Caroline go and do such a thing?"
+
+"I? How could I help it?" said Marian smiling, at the boy's assuming
+that she had power of which she was far from being conscious. "Besides,
+I thought you liked Mr. Faulkner; you, all of you, did nothing but
+praise him at Christmas."
+
+"I did at first, not at last," said Lionel. "Besides, liking a man to go
+out shooting with is not the same as liking him to marry one's sister."
+
+"By no means!" cried Marian, emphatically. "But what made you think ill
+of him?"
+
+"Things I heard him say to Elliot when we were out together."
+
+"Did Gerald hear them?" asked Marian, very anxiously, as she remembered
+what a hero Mr. Faulkner was in her brother's estimation.
+
+"No, I don't think he did. He certainly was not there the worst time of
+all,--the time that gave a meaning to all the rest. Don't you remember
+that day when Mr. Faulkner drove Elliot and me in his dog-cart to look
+at that horse at Salisbury? I am sure I never praised him after that
+day. He said what Elliot never would have said himself--never."
+
+"How?" Marian could not help asking, though she doubted the next moment
+whether it was wise to have done so.
+
+"Things about--about religion--the Bible," said Lionel, looking down and
+mumbling, as if it was with difficulty that he squeezed out the answer.
+"Now, you know, I have heard," he added, speaking more freely, "I have
+heard people make fun with a text or a name out of the Bible many a
+time; and though that is very bad of them, I think they don't mean much
+harm by it. Indeed, I have now and then done it myself, and should
+oftener, if I had not known how you hated it."
+
+"It is a very wrong thing," but I see what you mean,--that some people
+do it from want of thought."
+
+"Yes, just so; but that is a very different thing from almost quizzing
+the whole Bible,--at least talking as if it was an absurd thing to
+accept the whole of it, I do declare, Marian, he was worse when he began
+to praise it than he was before; for he talked of the Old Testament as
+if it was just like the Greek mythology, and then he compared it to
+Homer, and AEschylus, and the Koran. To be sure he did say it was
+better poetry and morality; but the idea of comparing it! I don't mean
+comparing as if it must be better, but as if it stood on the same
+ground."
+
+"And did Elliot listen to all this?" said Marian, thinking the poison
+must have been in rather too intellectual a form for Elliot.
+
+"He listened," said Lionel. "I don't think he would ever set up to say
+such things for himself; but I believe he rather liked hearing them
+said. I am quite sure this Faulkner will make him worse than he is
+already, for all this talk is a hundred times worse than going on in
+Elliot's way."
+
+"To be sure it is--a thousand times!"
+
+"But what I want to know is this, Marian? has Caroline got any notion
+of what sort of a man she has got? Because if she does it with her eyes
+open, it can't be helped; but if not, I think she ought to be warned;
+for I don't suppose the man is fool enough to talk in this way to her.
+Indeed, I think I heard him say that believing is all very well for
+women."
+
+"Why don't you tell her, then?"
+
+"That is the very thing I had on my mind all these holidays; but I know
+no one would ever listen to me. If Walter was here it would be a very
+different thing, for he is worth attending to, and Caroline knows that;
+though she thinks I have no sense at all but for mischief."
+
+"She could not think so, if she heard you speak as you do now."
+
+"Then there is another thing, Marian, and what makes it quite--at least
+very nearly out of the question; I don't believe they in the least
+reckoned on my hearing all this. You know the man is very good-natured;
+well, he took me up to go instead of his servant, and I was sitting
+back to back with them. I sometimes think my bad eyes have made my ears
+sharper, for I know I often hear when other people don't; and so I
+should not expect they supposed in the least that I was attending,
+though I did not miss a word, for I could not help hearing. Now, you
+see, I could not possibly go and betray him; and if you were not the
+safest person in the world, I would never have told you: only, if
+somebody could just give Caroline a hint that she is going to marry an
+infidel, it would be a pleasant thing."
+
+"A pleasant thing!" repeated Marian. Then she paused, considering, and
+Lionel waited patiently while she did so, "I see," she said at last,
+"that you could hardly tell her of this conversation; and after all,
+Lionel, I believe we knew what was quite as bad of him from the first:
+this only proves it a little more fully."
+
+"Did you?"
+
+"Yes, Lord Marchmont told me something of it; and I mentioned it to
+Caroline before he came here at all."
+
+"O, that is right!" said Lionel, greatly relieved, "then it is no
+concern of mine; though what can possess Caroline, I can't think. Is it
+love, I wonder?"
+
+"I suppose so," said Marian, sighing.
+
+"Well, it is a queer thing," said the boy. "I should have thought
+Caroline was one to care about such matters more than I, but perhaps she
+means to convert him. So! I did think Caroline was good for something,
+but it is no affair of mine; and I shall be all the more glad to get off
+to New Zealand to be out of the sight of it all."
+
+"It is very sad indeed!" said Marian. "I am sure it will be nothing but
+wretchedness. Caroline can blind herself now, but that will not go on."
+
+"And why can't you speak to her, and stop her? She used to mind you.
+Does she come and talk about this man as if he was perfection?"
+
+"No," was the sorrowful reply. "She knew from the first my opinion of
+him, and we never have any talks now. We never have had one since she
+was first engaged."
+
+"Whew!" whistled Lionel. "Then she does mean to go and do it, and no
+mistake! Then I've done with her, and shan't think about her any more
+than I can help. If she won't be warned, she must Lave her own way, and
+may marry the Grand Turk, if she likes it better." He whistled again,
+proposed a ride, and went to order the horses; while Marian, walking
+slowly to the house to prepare, did not so much grieve for Caroline,
+for that was an old accustomed sorrow, as marvel at the manner in which
+Lionel had spoken, and wonder where he had learnt the right views and
+excellent sense he had displayed. Far was she from guessing the value of
+such a steady witness to the truth as she had been from the first hour
+when Lionel had perceived and maintained "that she had no humbug in
+her;" how her cares for her brother had borne fruit in him; how he
+learnt from her to reverence goodness, and cleave to the right; and
+how he looked up to her, because her words were few, and her deeds
+consistent. More right in theory, than steady in practice was Lionel;
+very unformed, left untrained by those whose duty it was to watch him;
+but the seeds had been sown, and be his future life what it might, it
+could not but bear the impress of the years she had spent in the same
+family.
+
+She knew nothing of all this; she only thought, as she watched his
+quick, bounding run, that he, the least regarded, was the flower of the
+flock, with principles as good as Walter's, and so much more manly and
+active. For Marian, with all her respect for Walter, could not help
+wishing, like the boys, that he had more life and spirit, and less
+timidity. A little mental courage would, she thought, have brought him
+to expostulate with Caroline, instead of keeping out of the way, and
+leaving her to her fate. Edmund would not have done so.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+  "It's hame, and it's hame, and it's hame."
+
+  Cunningham.
+
+
+Edmund and Gerald had promised to spend a few days at Oakworthy, before
+the one returned to Portsmouth and the other to Eton; but their plans
+were disconcerted by an event which, as Clara said, placed Marian in
+mourning in good earnest, namely, the death of her great aunt, old Mrs.
+Jessie Arundel, who had always lived at Torquay. For the last four or
+five years she had been almost imbecile, and so likely to die at any
+time, that, as it seemed for that very reason, every one took her death
+as a surprise when it really happened.
+
+Edmund thought it right that both he and Gerald should attend her
+funeral. Lord Marchmont, whose wife stood in the same relationship to
+her, met them in London, and they all went together to Torquay, instead
+of making the intended visit to Oakworthy. Gerald was obliged to return
+to Eton on the following day, without coming to Oakworthy; but, to make
+up for it, he wrote to his Writer from Torquay, and his letter ended
+thus,--"Now I have a capital bit of news for you. Old aunt Jessie has
+done what I shall venerate her for ever after--left every scrap of her
+property to Edmund, except a legacy or two to her servants, a picture of
+my father to me, and some queer old-fashioned jewels to you and Selina.
+The will was made just after I was born; so it was to make up to Edmund
+for my cutting him out of Fern Torr. You may suppose how Lord Marchmont
+and I shook hands with him. It is somewhere about L20,000; there is
+good news for you! He is executor, and has got to be here a day or two
+longer; but Lord Marchmont and I set off by the first train to-morrow. I
+shall look out for Lionel, tell him, in case he is too blind to see me.
+Can't you come with him to the station, and have one moment's talk?"
+
+This proved to be possible; and Marian, in the interval between the
+coming of the post and the setting off, had time, all the hurry of her
+dressing, to wonder if she ought to be very much rejoiced. She did not
+believe, that even wealth could spoil Edmund, but she did not think all
+this would be of much use to him. It did not give him a home, and in
+fact she thought it rather a creditable thing to be as poor as he had
+hitherto been. She had rather have heard of something to make him look
+less like Tressilian, than he had done the last time she had seen him.
+
+She had a pleasant drive with Lionel, who was very glad of any good luck
+befalling Mr. Arundel, and presently, after some meditation, broke out
+as follows:--"My eyes! what miles and miles it would buy in Australia"
+and then proceeded to talk all the rest of the way about Australian
+bulls.
+
+The meeting at the station was a bright one, though so short, as
+scarcely to be worth the journey, if the value of such moments were to
+be reckoned by their number. There was Lord Marchmont to be spoken to,
+as well as Gerald, which broke into the time. Gerald looked very happy
+and pleasant. He said Edmund was the best fellow in the world, and that
+he had been very happy--shot lots of things--he wished he could stop to
+tell about it. Then Marian hurried what she had to say, while Lionel was
+looking after his luggage. "Gerald, would you just try if you can do
+anything to spare Lionel's eyes? When you have the same things to do,
+could you not read to him, or something? they seem so much worse, and I
+am so afraid."
+
+"I'll try," said Gerald, "but I don't think I can do much, and he will
+never give in."
+
+The bell rang--Lionel ran up--she wished them good-bye, and drove home,
+happier than when last she parted there from Gerald, wondering what had
+happened in his journey with Edmund, and re-assured, by his free cordial
+tone. She took up a book and read all the way home.
+
+The next thing that was heard of Edmund was in a note to Mr. Lyddell,
+saying that he should come and spend one night at Oakworthy, on his way
+to Portsmouth; that he hoped to arrive about one o'clock, and that
+he should bring Marian her aunt's legacy of the jewels. This was
+communicated to her by Mrs. Lyddell, and she could not discover from
+whence he wrote; she supposed from London, unless he was still detained
+in Devonshire. She looked forward greatly to his coming, as there was
+so much to hear about Gerald; and she felt, as if she wanted something
+pleasant, very much indeed; for, now that Lionel was gone, she found
+what a companion, interest, and occupation he had been, and missed
+him very much. The constraint with all the others, except Clara,
+was wearisome: and Clara, though never ceasing to talk, and very
+affectionately, was anything but a companion, while poor Caroline kept
+more than ever aloof, and had a flightiness of spirits--a sort of
+gaiety of manner--which, to Marian, seemed to be assumed. This was more
+especially the case, after there was an idea of fixing the marriage for
+some time in the autumn, and arrangements were talked over. Marian began
+to have little doubt that she was secretly unhappy, and grew more and
+more tender in feeling towards her; while, by an effect of contraries,
+her manner became more frigid and severe, in proportion to the warmth
+within.
+
+Clara wondered a little what Mr. Arundel was coming for, and laughed and
+looked significant when Marian said she knew perfectly well; but Marian
+thought she knew so thoroughly as not to be in the least disconcerted,
+though Clara's glances were full upon her when he was announced. In he
+came, just at luncheon time; he shook hands with Marian with all his
+might, and one glance convinced her that he had not Tressilian's
+face--nay, that though the sun of Africa had left its traces, he was
+more like the Edmund of the olden time, than she had ever seen him since
+her father's death. There were a good many people at luncheon that day.
+Mr. Faulkner was there, and there were some visitors staying in the
+house. Edmund was a good way from her, and she could only hear his voice
+now and then in the buzz; but it was a very pleasant sound to hear, and
+when he laughed, it was his own natural, free, gay laugh, such as it
+used to be. She was sure he was very happy, and wondered if it was
+possible Aunt Jessie's fortune could have made him so, or whether it
+could all be the satisfaction of having set Gerald to rights.
+
+As they rose to leave the dining room, he came to her, saying, "Marian,
+can you have a walk with me?"
+
+"Oh, yes, I should like it of all things; I will be ready in one
+minute." And away she bounded, saying to Caroline, in the boldest and
+most innocent manner in the world, as if on purpose to show that she
+expected nothing, and would not be laughed at, that Edmund had asked her
+to walk with him. He waited for her in the hall, and they went out, she
+scarcely pausing till they were on the steps, to say, "Well, how did you
+get on with Gerald? I am sure you made him very happy."
+
+"We got on famously. He is a very nice fellow; he only wanted a little
+stimulus the right way. He is thoroughly open and candid, and I have no
+fear but that he will do very well."
+
+Marian could not speak for joy, and for gratitude to her cousin; and
+her heart throbbing with delight, she walked on, waiting for him to say
+something more on this most precious of all tidings. But when he spoke
+again, it was if he had done with the subject of Gerald. "Marian, I
+have something to tell you," He paused--she stood in suspense--he began
+again. "Marian, I am going to be married!"
+
+"O!" and the inquiring, joyful, wondering, confident tone of that O, is
+what nothing can ever convey. Her eyes were turned full on him with the
+same eager curiosity, the same certainty, that he could not do other
+than the best. He did not speak; but the half smile on his lip was a
+full though mute reply to her confidence, that she had only to hear, in
+order to rejoice with all her heart; and he held out a note directed to
+her, in Agnes' writing!
+
+Marian took it, but she was too wild, too delighted, too eager to look
+at him, and hear him, to be able to open it. "O Edmund!" was what she
+said now, and she caught hold of his hand for an ecstatic shake.
+
+"Yes, thank you, yes. I said I must tell you myself, Marian--my sister."
+
+"O, I never heard anything more delightful in my life," said Marian,
+with a sort of gasp, as soon as the overwhelming delight gave her
+breath. "O, Edmund, Edmund!"
+
+"You have not read her note yet."
+
+Marian tore it open, but there was scarcely any thing to read; it was
+only--
+
+  "Dearest Marian,--He will have a note to carry you,
+  but I can't say anything for bewilderment. I know he will
+  tell you all about it, so it is of no use my writing. Are
+  not you sorry he should have a wife so far from good enough
+  for him?
+
+  "Your affectionate and most amazed
+
+  "AGNES."
+
+Marian held it up to him, smiling. "But of course you have seen it?"
+
+"No, I have not; I suppose she thought I should not carry such
+nonsense."
+
+"Well, I am sure there is no other person in all the wide world that I
+could have thought good enough for you. Agnes! Agnes! O, Edmund, I wish
+there was any way of not being quite choked with gladness!"
+
+Edmund smiled, and perhaps he was "choked with gladness" beyond the
+power of speech; for the two cousins only proceeded to shake hands
+again. The next thing that was said was after an interval. "Marian, you
+remember our bargain six years ago? Have you grown so very fond of the
+Lyddells as to repent of it?"
+
+"O, Edmund, you have not thought of that?"
+
+"Have not we? It was one of the first things we did think of."
+
+"I don't think I can bear to hear of much more happiness," said Marian,
+in almost a crying voice. "I am so glad for you that I can't be glad for
+myself yet. I can't take it all in; it is too good to be true!"
+
+"Indeed it does seem so. But you agree? Agnes said I must make you agree
+first of all."
+
+"Don't I? Only I want to enjoy it for you,--it is so beyond everything!"
+
+"Well, wasn't I a wise man to say I would not miss the pleasure of
+telling you myself?"
+
+"Then do tell me; do let us be rational, if we can. Then you came here
+from Fern Torr?"
+
+"Yes. Did you not know that?"
+
+"No. I did not hear where you wrote from. How long were you there?"
+
+"I only went on Wednesday."
+
+"Then it was only one whole day! How much you must have had to settle!"
+
+"So much, that we settled scarcely anything."
+
+"Then you don't know when it is to be?"
+
+"No, and Mrs. Wortley talks of having time,--poor Mrs. Wortley, but I
+don't think I shall take her away far; I have some notion of looking out
+for some place close at hand."
+
+"Just what we settled long ago. But O! begin and tell me all,
+Edmund,--as much as you like to tell me, at least. I want to know how
+you first came to think of it." Then, as he smiled, she added, "I mean,
+how long you have been thinking of it."
+
+"If you mean how long with any hope, only since I knew of good aunt
+Jessie's consideration for me. How long it has been in my mind I cannot
+tell; certainly before I went to Africa. You see, Marian," he continued,
+as if he was apologising, "it was this which made me think it advisable
+for me to go, though, as I see now, it was not at all good for Gerald."
+
+"What,--you mean--I am not sure that I understand--"
+
+"Don't you see, Marian, feeling as I did, and knowing how out of
+the question it was for a penniless man like me, to think of
+marrying,--Agnes so young too, and I with everything to draw me to what
+had been my only home,--there was nothing to be done but to keep out
+of the way, to guard me against myself; and that was easier with seas
+between. I don't know whether I did right or not, but I hoped I did,
+because it cost me something; yet it was a forsaking of Gerald which
+might have done much harm, though I hope it has not, as it has turned
+out."
+
+"I see it all!" said Marian, resting there, because she had not a word
+with which to express her honour of his noble conduct.
+
+"You will forgive me now," he added, with a smile, "for what you thought
+my neglect of home."
+
+"I am only afraid I must often have given you a great deal of pain," she
+almost whispered.
+
+"Never, except when I thought it right to silence you. It was only too
+delightful to hear their very names. You might well tell me that she had
+grown prettier than ever."
+
+On talked and walked the cousins, over the downs, which had certainly
+never been trodden by happier people. At last they recollected that they
+must return, if they wished to be in time for the post, and retraced
+their steps, talking as eagerly as ever. As they were coming near the
+house, Marian said, "Does Gerald know?"
+
+"Not yet; I shall write to him to-morrow."
+
+"Is it to be a secret? Of course I should say nothing about it while you
+are here, but may I mention it afterwards?"
+
+"They said nothing about secrecy," said Edmund; "in fact I think
+attempting it, only results in making one look foolish. Yes, you are
+welcome to tell whom you please as soon as I am out of the way. I had
+rather the Lyddells know."
+
+"Very well; indeed, I don't think I can keep it to myself, it is too
+much joy."
+
+"Do you expect them to participate in your pleasure at making your
+escape from them?"
+
+"There is no one to miss me, except, perhaps, Lionel, a little, when his
+eyes are bad. Caroline would once have cared, but that is over now, poor
+thing! There never was a time when I should have been more glad to get
+away. O, Edmund, if you would do one thing to oblige me, it would be,
+to have your wedding the same day as Caroline's, that I might not be
+obliged to be at it."
+
+"At which?"
+
+"O, you know!"
+
+"Is it such a very bad affair?"
+
+"O, I am very much grieved about it. The man has no religion at all, you
+know; at least, if he has any, it is all natural religion,--anything but
+the truth."
+
+"Do you really mean that the family have accepted him, allowed this to
+go on, knowing such things of him?"
+
+"I don't know how far they see it. I don't think they allow it to
+themselves, and I don't think they would understand some of it; as, for
+instance, when I heard him talking the other day as if he assumed that
+Christianity was only a development of people's tendency to believe,--as
+fleeting as other forms of faith. It was not very broadly stated, and
+I don't think I should have seen it, if it had not chimed in with
+something I had read; and, besides, I knew what was in the man."
+
+"How do you know? Not from your own observation?"
+
+"O, no, no; I liked him at first. I could have liked him very much, if
+Lord Marchmont had not told me about him, and then I had the key to
+him."
+
+"And this poor Miss Lyddell?"
+
+"She knew what I did," said Marian, sadly. "But he is very
+agreeable,--at least he is thought so,--and they all admired him so
+much, and paid such court to him, that--Yet I did think better things of
+Caroline. Lionel is the only one who has found him out, and he thinks of
+it just as I do, O, Edmund, I am sure you would like Lionel."
+
+"How are his eyes?" asked Edmund, as they were coming under the portico,
+and could not talk of any of the more delicate subjects. "I thought
+Gerald gave a very bad account of them; indeed, I scarcely expected that
+he could have gone back to Eton."
+
+"I sometimes think," almost whispered Marian, "that it is not he, poor
+boy, whose eyes are the worst in the house; but Mrs. Lyddell's head has
+been so full of Johnny, and Caroline, and all she has to do, that she
+will not see anything amiss with Lionel."
+
+"He must be a boy of a great deal of resolution and principle, to have
+struggled on as he has clone, by Gerald's account. Ah! I meant to have
+told you about Gerald, but all our time is gone."
+
+"Never mind, we can talk of him in the evening. There is a corner of
+mine where I always get out of the way of the people, and where I
+have had many a nice talk with Walter, or Lionel, under cover of Miss
+Grimley's music. Now where do you like to write your letter? If you had
+not rather do it in your own room, there is a nice quiet place in
+the old school-room, where I write mine, when the drawing-room is
+uninhabitable."
+
+Edmund accepted the invitation, partly because he was just so shy of
+letting his own handwriting be seen in the address, that he meant to
+avail himself of Marian's cover. Just as Marian had finished a note, too
+joyous to have any sense in it, and containing a promise to write more
+sensibly to-morrow, had directed the cover, and told her cousin that
+he must wind up if he meant to catch the post, Clara opened the door,
+gazed, laughed, and was retiring in haste, when Marian, without a shade
+of the confusion Clara had hoped for, called her back. "Edmund came here
+to write a note," she said, "don't go away."
+
+Edmund made some demonstration about intruding, and wrote the
+conclusion, at which nothing but some interruption would have made him
+arrive, put it into the envelope, gave it face downwards to Marian,
+and departed. Now Mrs. Lyddell and Clara were both persuaded that Mr.
+Arundel had come for no other purpose than to propose to Marian; and
+they had been entertaining themselves during their drive with conversing
+on the subject; so that Clara was never more surprised and puzzled in
+her life than by seeing Marian stand there, smiling, and with beaming
+eyes, brighter than ever she had looked before, but without one particle
+of a blush,--white-faced as ever, only dancing first on one foot, then
+on the other, balancing her bonnet on one hand, and with the other
+holding the precious letter.
+
+"Well, Marian!"
+
+"Well!" Marian made a pirouette. "I must run and put this letter in the
+box." And so saying, away she ran down stairs, up again in a second;
+then meeting the astonished Clara at the head of the stairs, she took
+her round the waist, and fairly waltzed her to her own door, opened it,
+threw herself into a chair, exclaimed, "I beg your pardon, Clara; you'll
+think me mad, but I'll tell you all about it to-morrow."
+
+Fanny was present, so Clara could do nothing but stare; and lateness,
+and a dinner-party necessitating a hasty toilette, she retreated, while
+Marian contained her raptures as best she could, and meditated on the
+delightful life she was to lead with Agnes and Edmund, in some cottage
+on the borders of Fern Torr. O happiness, such as she had never
+known, which seemed to bring back as much of her home as could ever
+return,--which would be everything for Gerald! Every care gone, Edmund
+happy, Gerald satisfactory, her own exile at an end. Her head almost
+swain round with happiness, and she wanted to turn to the glass, to
+persuade herself that she could be the same Marian Arundel, wide awake,
+and yet so very, very happy.
+
+However, it was all future, as far as concerned herself; and that cares
+were in the world she was convinced, by her own pang at seeing Caroline,
+whom she overtook on her way down stairs. She had no disposition to
+whirl _her_ round; but there was a softened feeling, belonging perhaps
+to the fulness of her own joy, that made her, as she came up with her,
+put her arm round her, as she had now and then walked with her in former
+days. Caroline looked in her face, and drew the arm closer without
+speaking. Their faces had always been unlike, but the contrast was
+stronger than ever. Marian, with those pale, regular features, plain
+dark hair, black eyes and eyebrows, with her mourning dress, and yet
+with a radiant, irrepressible joy and buoyancy all round and about her;
+while Caroline, with her small pretty features, rosy colour, blue eyes,
+glossy curls, her pink dress and gold bracelets, was in general air very
+different, and in countenance how much more; for the eyes were restless,
+the smile came rather as if it was called, than as if it resided
+naturally on her lip,--the colour of her cheeks, though bright, looked
+fixed and feverish; and now and then, there was a quiver about the whole
+face. How different from the secure expression of happiness, now and
+then illuminated, as it were, with some sudden flash of secret joy,
+which sat on Marian's broad, serene brow.
+
+They entered the drawing-room together, and from that time Marian was
+outwardly her own stiff, distant self, till the promised time in the
+evening, when Edmund made his way to her in her corner, where he was
+greeted by a most sunny look. "Now for Gerald," said she.
+
+Edmund had a great deal to tell about Gerald. He thought him, on the
+whole, a very nice, amiable, right-minded boy, who only wanted more
+training and watching than Mr. Lyddell would or could give. He had,
+after a time, been brought to be entirely open and confiding; and this,
+for which Edmund seemed to be really grateful to him, and to admire him,
+was the great point, he had made Edmund a friend, instead of looking at
+him as a guardian,--found that he could sympathize, and had ended by
+trusting and consulting him. Marian, though wondering how the reserve
+had ever been, conquered, felt the relief of knowing that all was safe
+now, and was not hurt by his confiding in any one but herself. Edmund
+really thought it was safe. "I believe I know the worst of him now, poor
+fellow," he said, smiling, "and the worst is not much. He has been going
+on in a careless, thoughtless way, out of high spirits and imitation, a
+good deal, and the consciousness made him keep back from you; he owns
+that, and is very sorry."
+
+"Does he? dear Gerald!"
+
+"He seemed to feel deeply that he had neglected you; but he said, and
+very truly, how much there had been against him,--no one, as he said, to
+make him mind; and the fellows would have laughed at him, if they had
+found out that he attended to his sister."
+
+"Ah! Johnny sowed that mischief long ago!"
+
+"I hope it is not weakness. I do not think it is; for there was
+manliness in confessing all, and he seemed to feel the folly strongly."
+
+"Did he tell you about the debts?"
+
+"Yes, and of his own accord. They are nothing in themselves; but he has
+been allowed too much money, has had little warning, and his title was
+against him too. So if we can break off the habit of extravagance, there
+is no great harm done. After all, you know, he is very young, and
+there is plenty of time to form his character. I am sure he has good
+dispositions of every kind, and if he has but resolution, he will be
+sure to do well,"
+
+"I think there is resolution in his temper. Nothing shakes him when his
+mind is once made up."
+
+So Marian was very well satisfied on the whole about her brother, and
+she might justly be so by Edmund's account. There was nothing to disturb
+her happiness, and she only doubted whether she should be able to sleep
+for it. Her brother restored, as well as everything else!
+
+When bed-time came, Mrs. Lyddell looked at her, as if expecting
+something more to be said than "good night," but nothing came,--nothing
+but the dancing light in the eyes. Clara followed her to the room, and
+stood gazing at her. "Why, Marian," at last she said, "can't you tell me
+anything about it?"
+
+"No; not till to-morrow."
+
+"O, that is too bad, Marian, when you heard all I had to tell directly."
+
+"I can't help it; I am not at liberty to tell other people's affairs."
+
+"Don't look so grand, Marian, pray. I am sure I thought this was your
+own."
+
+"So it is in a way."
+
+"In a way? Why, Marian, what an extraordinary girl you are! not your own
+affair! Well, if you are impenetrable, I can't help it; but it is not
+kind, when we all want to congratulate you."
+
+"Stop, stop, Clara!" exclaimed Marian, and now she did blush, "will you
+be satisfied if I tell you that it is not what you suppose? You shall
+hear what it is to-morrow, and then you will see what nonsense you have
+been talking."
+
+"What?" cried Clara, "you are not--"
+
+"Don't say it, pray don't! Never was any one further from it. Now do
+go to bed, Clara, for I cannot tell you a word more, and keep your
+curiosity at rest for to-night."
+
+Marian took care not to be caught alone by Clara before breakfast the
+next morning, and almost immediately after breakfast, Edmund departed.
+Marian had been out into the hall with him to exchange some last words,
+and Mrs. Lyddell, meantime, was observing to Caroline that she never
+knew anything so strange; she thought it was due to herself, however
+unpleasant it might be, to claim some confidence from Miss Arundel, on
+such matters, while living under her care. Marian came back, however,
+with her innocent look of delight,--a look so unlike the bashfulness of
+a damsel in love, that Mrs. Lyddell felt again doubtful; and before she
+could speak, Marian had turned to Clara and said, "Now I will tell you
+what makes me so happy. Edmund and Agnes Wortley are engaged, and I am
+to go and live with them."
+
+"Miss Wortley!" at once exclaimed Mrs. Lyddell and her daughters, in the
+extremity of surprise; and then Mrs. Lyddell and Clara asked all the
+usual questions in haste and eagerness, wondering within themselves most
+of all at Marian's full rejoicing, for till now they had never been
+able to see that Edmund was really to her only like an elder brother.
+Caroline scarcely spoke, only went on nervously with her work. At last,
+when some interruption had caused her mother and Clara to leave the
+room, she laid it down, looked at Marian for a moment or two, then said,
+in a trembling voice, "Dear Marian, I am glad you are so happy! I am
+glad you are to live with them!" then kissed her, and hastened away
+before she could answer or return the caress. Her handkerchief was
+raised as she closed the door. Marian sat and grieved, for well did she
+know all poor Caroline conveyed by that "I am glad you are to live with
+them." It meant that Caroline felt that she had given up the esteem and
+friendship in which they had lived,--that she thought her own home unfit
+for one brought from such a sphere as Fern Torr,--that she resigned all
+those plans for Clara's good, everything that had been valued between
+them,--that she looked not for happiness for herself, and though she
+had forfeited such affection as once had been hers, yet she still loved
+Marian. How could Marian rejoice so much, when such a fate was waiting
+for Caroline? Poor Caroline! she contrasted her feelings with those of
+Agnes, grieved again over her, and ended by blaming herself for all the
+coldness and severity of the last six weeks, requited as it was by so
+much kind, fond affection.
+
+Yet Caroline was weakly, wilfully doing wrong. How should she behave
+rightly towards her? O, why would nothing happen to save her, and break
+off this mockery of a marriage? But as of this there seemed little
+hope,--as the Faulkners were at Oakworthy more than ever, and Mrs.
+Lyddell was talking in good earnest of wedding clothes, and bridesmaids,
+it was a comfort to have these better hopes to occupy herself with.
+
+Especially did she enjoy the idea of Gerald's rejoicing, and it was very
+eagerly that she watched for his first letter of delight. It came as
+soon as heart could wish; but so mixed are joy and grief in this world,
+that even Gerald's letter could not convey unalloyed pleasure, but
+filled her with a fresh anxiety,--or more properly, strengthened and
+realized what had hitherto been but a vague terror.
+
+  "Eton, Sept. 14th.
+
+  "My dear Marian,--Never was anything better in this
+  world than Edmund's plans. I give him infinite credit for
+  them; and, as head of the family, he has my full consent.
+  I wish they would go and live at the Manor House
+  till I am of age,--that would be jolly! Lionel desires me
+  to tell you that it is all very well, except your going from
+  Oakworthy, and he shall go about the house like a mad
+  fury," (here followed his portrait in the character,) "if you
+  go before he is off after the blue wild beestes at the Cape.
+  His eyes are very bad, and I wish you would tell Mrs.
+  Lyddell about them; for I don't believe it is a bit of use
+  his staying here, and though I am very glad to help him,
+  doing all his work and my own too is more than I can stand.
+  It is much worse than last half; then he could see to read,
+  though it hurt him; now Greek or small print beats him entirely,
+  and he cannot look out a word in the Lexicon. He
+  does just manage to write, and he never forgets anything;
+  so another fellow and I have dragged him through, this
+  week. But it cannot go on so; and as he won't give up or
+  complain, I will have something done about it, or he will
+  blind himself outright before he has done. I cannot think
+  how it is my tutor has not found it out, but I suppose it is
+  that Lionel is so sharp, and has such a memory. Do speak
+  to Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+  "Your affectionate brother,
+
+  "E. GERALD ARUNDEL"
+
+Marian carried the letter at once to Mrs. Lyddell's dressing-room, but
+she found that Gerald had been mistaken in supposing the tutor had not
+observed Lionel's failing sight: for the same post had brought a letter
+from him, which had at length completely alarmed Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell,
+and the former was going at once to write to his son to meet him in
+London, where he intended to consult one of the first oculists.
+
+This was a great relief. Mr. Lyddell set off, and the party at home
+comforted themselves with predictions that all would soon be remedied;
+Marian and Clara agreeing that it would be very pleasant to have Lionel
+at home to walk with them, and to be nursed.
+
+Mr. Lyddell had been gone about two days; Caroline and Clara were at
+High Down, and Marian was returning from a solitary ramble in the park,
+enjoying her last letter from Agnes, when, as she crossed the lawn, she
+was startled by finding Lionel stretched on his face on the grass, just
+at the turn where some bushes concealed him from the windows. He lay
+flat, without his hat, his forehead resting on one arm; while with his
+hand he tore up daisies and grass, and threw them hastily over his
+shoulder, while his whole frame quivered in a convulsive agony of
+distress.
+
+"Lionel! Lionel! you come home? What is the matter?" exclaimed she.
+
+"Matter! matter enough, I think," said, or rather muttered Lionel;
+"There is an end of the Cape, or anything else."
+
+"How are your eyes?" asked Marian, in consternation.
+
+"Only I am blind for life!" answered Lionel; still hiding his face, and
+speaking in a sullen, defiant tone.
+
+Marian, dreadfully shocked, almost beyond all power of speaking or
+moving, could only drop down sitting on the grass beside him, and take
+his hand.
+
+"All neglect, too," he added; then vehemently, "I don't believe, no I
+don't, there is any pauper's son in the parish that would have been so
+used!"
+
+Her voice was low with fright: "But, Lionel, what has happened? Let me
+see you. Is it worse? can't you see?"
+
+"O yes, I can see now, after a fashion, at least, but that is soon to
+go, they say, and then--They have done it themselves, and they may have
+that satisfaction!" added he, with a fearful bitterness in his tone.
+"Elections, and parliament, and dinners, and that Faulkner,--that is
+what they have given my sight for." He withdrew his hand, and turned his
+shoulder from Marian, as if resolute not to be comforted; and again he
+shook with agony.
+
+"O, don't say such dreadful things, dear Lionel! O, if I could but do
+anything for you!" she cried, in a tone of heartfelt grief, which seemed
+to soften the poor boy a little; for he twisted round, so that his face,
+still pillowed on one arm, was half raised to her, and she could see
+how flushed it was, and that the eyelids were inflamed, though not
+with tears, and the eyes themselves had not altered from their former
+appearance.
+
+"'Tis not your fault," he said. "If my mother had cared for me one
+quarter--"
+
+"Don't blame anybody, pray!" interrupted Marian: "it only makes it
+worse. Only tell me all about it. Did the occulist say--"
+
+"Not to me," answered Lionel; "not the worst, at least. He examined my
+eyes very closely, and asked me all manner of questions about what I
+could see, and what I could not, and what things hurt them, and how long
+it had been going on, and how I had been using them. Then he told me
+that it was impossible for him to do anything for them as yet, till the
+disease had made more progress; that most likely I should quite lose my
+sight this winter, and then I must come to him again. So that was bad
+enough, but I could have made up my mind to that, and they sent me away.
+Then it seems that, after I was gone, he went on about it to papa, and
+told him that the mischief had been brewing time out of mind, and some
+time ago it might have been stopped; but all that straining of my eyes
+at Eton, last half, had done immense harm, and confirmed the disease;
+and it is of a kind that--that--there is no cure for!" He buried his
+face again.
+
+"Did Mr. Lyddell tell you this?"
+
+"No, he only told me we were to go home directly, and wrote to Gerald to
+send my things from Eton. He hardly spoke a word all the way,--only led
+me about, and poked me in and out of the carriage, as if I was
+blind already; it put me almost in a rage. Then as soon as we came
+home,--about half an hour ago, I should think,--he told it all straight
+out to my mother, did not mince matters, I assure you: indeed, I believe
+they both forgot I was there. They are apt to forget me, you know. He
+regularly stormed about the neglect, and told her it was all her fault;
+and while this was going on, I found I had heard the worst, and I did
+not want to be pitied, so I came out here. And so there is the whole
+story for you, Marian, and a pretty one it is! A fine sort of life I
+shall have instead--"
+
+"Well but, Lionel," cried Marian, eagerly, "are you sure that be said
+_for certain_ that it was hopeless? for it seems so odd that he should
+have told you one thing, and Mr. Lyddell another."
+
+"Pshaw! I suppose he had got some consideration, and did not want to
+knock me down with the worst at once."
+
+"I should think it was more comfortable to know the worst at once!" said
+Marian, meditatively, "so as to be able to settle one's mind to it."
+
+"A pretty thing to settle one's mind to," said Lionel, "to know I must
+be a good-for-nothing, dependent wretch all my days! As well be a woman,
+or an idiot at once! There, I shall never see that tree green again; no,
+and spring--I have seen my last of that! and I may look my last at all
+your faces. Johnny I shall never see again."
+
+Ho was crying bitterly now,--almost choking with tears; and Marian's
+were flowing too. She was much distressed at the present moment; for
+though the weeping was likely to relieve him, she feared it might be
+doing harm to his eyes, and she did not know in the least whether it
+ought to be checked, or, indeed, how to check it. Grieved and in great
+consternation she was, in truth, for she was very fond of Lionel,
+and full of such strong sympathy and compassion, as to be perfectly
+incapable of expressing it, in the slightest degree. But he knew her;
+she had been the only person who had ever been uneasy about his
+sight, and this went for a great deal with him: so that, with all her
+undemonstrativeness, there was no one whom he could have liked so well
+to have near him in that moment of dire despair. "O, I am so sorry!"
+expressed infinitely more than the simple words.
+
+"You see, Marian," said he, raising himself, and struggling with the
+sobs of which he was ashamed, "I could bear it better if I had not had
+such a scheme for my life, and my father consenting too. Australia, and
+those wild cattle, and that glorious Bush life, always galloping in the
+plains; and now to be condemned to be moping about here, for ever, in
+darkness and helplessness. O, to think of the plans we have made, all
+come to an end for ever!" and again he was weeping violently.
+
+"They might have been stopped otherwise," said Marian, catching at any
+possible idea that might answer, or seem to console him; "you know you
+might have been ill, or met with an accident, and had a great deal to
+suffer."
+
+"I would suffer anything rather than lose my eyesight! You don't know
+what you are talking of."
+
+"Then just suppose this complaint had come on, in some lonely place out
+in the wilds, with no one to take care of you."
+
+"It would not, I should have had no Greek to put my eyes out."
+
+"And after all, dear Lionel, you know----;" there she was choked--"you
+know that--" and she was choked again--"you know where it comes from."
+
+"I know what you mean," he said; "and if it did--But it is my mother's
+neglect; there is the bitterness of it. Why, you and my father tried to
+stir her up to it in the spring, and she would not; and then, when for
+very shame she must attend, what does she do but let me go muddling on
+with that old woman Wells! She has regularly thrown my sight away, as
+much as if she had pulled my eyes out and thrown them over the hedge."
+
+"No one could ever have guessed--"
+
+"I tell you she might have guessed. Any other mother in the world would
+have been frightened years ago, long before I went to school. If it had
+been Elliot or Johnny, wouldn't she have had half the doctors in London?
+but what did she ever trouble her head about _me?_"
+
+"Now, Lionel, that must not be said. You know it is wrong, and I am sure
+you will see how sorry she is, and how it was really not having time."
+
+"I dare say she is sorry--I should hope so--now it is too late, and she
+has done it."
+
+"But why will you accuse any one?" said Marian, sorely perplexed, and
+secretly sharing all his indignation against Mrs. Lyddell. "You know it
+only embitters you and makes it all worse; and after all, even if man
+had actually done the mischief, it still would ultimately be sent from
+Heaven."
+
+"I don't see that that makes it any better," murmured Lionel.
+
+"O don't you, Lionel?" said she earnestly; "doesn't it make you sure it
+is for the best?"
+
+"I don't know what I have done to be so punished," went on Lionel to
+himself; "I have not always been good, but I have tried, and more
+lately, to do right; there are many much less steady than I, who--"
+
+"Yes, yes, Lionel, but perhaps it is not as good for them to be
+prosperous. Indeed, indeed I am quite sure, though I don't understand it
+all, or see the way, that if you will but bear it rightly, you will be
+glad, if not before, yet at least when you die, even of this terrible
+affliction."
+
+"I almost wish I was dying now!" said Lionel gloomily, "if I could but
+die the last day that I am to see the sky and everything, instead of
+droning on in the dark, a burthen to myself and every one else, for
+I don't know how long, forty, fifty, sixty years perhaps. You know,
+Marian, I am only sixteen--"
+
+There was a burst of tears again, and Marian felt herself an
+unsuccessful comforter, nor did she wonder at it, for she could not
+fancy that anything could relieve the sense of such a misfortune as poor
+Lionel's, except the really high source of consolation, and that as yet
+only by faith, which might make him take it on trust as the best in the
+end, though for the present he must feel all the misery. She had no time
+to answer him again, for the garden door opened, and at the sound he
+dashed away his tears, sprang to his feet, and assumed a firm, cold,
+would-be indifferent look, as Mrs. Lyddell came out and advanced towards
+them. Marian thought her looking flushed and agitated, and her voice
+certainly betrayed more emotion than had ever been shown in it, except
+when bidding Johnny farewell.
+
+"Lionel, my dear, sitting on the damp grass? You will certainly catch
+cold! I have been searching for you everywhere, but I am glad you were
+with Marian. I wanted to ask you, my dear, whether you would like to
+have your own room or Walter's," added she, wandering on as if anxious
+to say what was kindest, yet dreading to come to the subject nearest
+their hearts.
+
+"My own, thank you," bluntly answered Lionel, "I'll and unpack." He
+brushed hastily by her, and ran into the house up stairs, his roughness
+contrasting with her affectionate tone. She looked at Marian, and saw
+the trace of tears on her eyelids, and her own lip quivered while her
+eyes filled, and she said in a trembling voice, "Poor dear boy! has he
+been telling you? Does he know it all?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, anxiously, "but is it really so very bad? Is there
+no hope?"
+
+"No hope? Who said so?" exclaimed Mrs. Lyddell quickly.
+
+"He did," said Marian; "he said Mr. Lyddell told you so."
+
+"Was he there?" exclaimed she: "Ah! that was Mr. Lyddell's strong way of
+putting things! So unfortunate--forgetting all about him. Poor fellow! I
+must go to him directly, and tell him it was no such thing."
+
+"What? how? O do tell me!" cried Marian, turning and hurrying with her,
+and speaking with, such earnestness that Mrs. Lyddell could not doubt of
+her sympathy now. She slackened her pace, and explained that what the
+surgeon, had said was, that there was confirmed disease, and of a very
+serious character, but the precise nature could not be ascertained till
+it had made greater progress, and it was then possible that it might
+prove capable of removal.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was resolved that neither herself nor any one else should
+believe anything but what was most hopeful. She could not have borne
+it otherwise. She really was far from being indifferent to any of her
+children, though multiplicity of occupation, and thoughts, engaged on
+what she considered the welfare of the family, had prevented her
+from being properly attentive to all, and she was so accustomed to
+uninterrupted prosperity, as to have almost forgotten that there was
+such a thing as anxiety or misfortune. Lionel, neither the eldest nor
+the youngest, healthy, and independent, neither remarkable for beauty
+nor grace, just unruly enough to be provoking, and just steady enough to
+be no cause of anxiety, had been as much a cipher in the family as a One
+lively boy could be; but though slow to be roused into anxiety, she felt
+it with full force when it came, all the motherly affection, which while
+secure had appeared dormant, revived, she was dreadfully shocked, and
+would have been utterly overwhelmed by the accusation of neglect, had it
+not been for her sanguine spirit. In this temper she represented all to
+Marian in the most cheering light, and hastened up stairs to do the same
+to Lionel. Marian, relieved and hopeful, was waiting to collect some
+properties of hers, to carry to her room, when she met Mr. Lyddell. She
+went up to greet him, and thinking that he looked very mournful, there
+was more cordiality and fellow-feeling in her way of addressing him than
+ever there had been before, though she simply said "Good morning" and
+shook hands.
+
+"You have heard about it, Marian?" said he. "Has he been with you, poor
+fellow?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, "he is in his own room now."
+
+"Ah! you spoke long ago," said Mr. Lyddell; "I wish we had attended to
+you."
+
+"It was Edmund who remarked it," said she.
+
+"Ay, ay, and senseless it was not to attend. Then it seems that
+something might have been done, at any rate he would not have gone on
+injuring them with his work at Eton, but now it is as good as a lost
+case. Poor fellow!"
+
+"O!" exclaimed Marian, thrown back again, "I thought there was a hope
+that it might not prove to be the worst."
+
+"There is just a shade of chance that it may turn out otherwise, and
+that, your mother--Mrs. Lyddell I mean--takes hold of, but I have not
+the slightest hope. The surgeon said, it had all the appearance of a
+confirmed case, such as cannot be removed."
+
+Marian stood aghast, and Mr. Lyddell, with a sort of groan, most painful
+to hear, passed her, and shut himself into his study. The only thing she
+could think of doing, was to pour out her dismay and compassion in a
+letter to Gerald, and she repaired to the schoolroom for the purpose of
+writing, but she had not been there long, before Lionel came in, and sat
+down astride on the music-stool, just as he used to do, but with a very
+different expression of countenance from the wild, reckless spirit of
+merriment which used to possess him. He sat and meditated for a little
+while, then exclaimed, "Marian, whom have you seen since I left you?"
+
+"Nobody but Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell."
+
+"Did you hear papa say anything about it?"
+
+"Yes, a little."
+
+"Did he say what the doctor thought of it?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Tell me the very words," and he leant his elbows on the table, looking
+at her fixedly.
+
+"Ah! Lionel, can you bear it? They are so very sad."
+
+"Tell me them, I say."
+
+Marian looked down, as if she could not bear to meet his countenance,
+and faltered as she repeated them.
+
+"Ay!" said Lionel, springing up, and flinging himself round
+passionately, "I knew it was humbug all the time!"
+
+"What? How? O Lionel, what have I done?"
+
+"As if I was a fool or a baby, to be fed with false hopes," proceeded
+Lionel, sitting down, and hiding his face on his crossed arms on the
+table; "she might have let that alone, she has done me mischief enough
+already."
+
+"Lionel," said Marian, firmly and gravely, for she was really shocked at
+his tone, "you must not come to me, if it is to speak in such a manner
+of your mother."
+
+"Very well," said Lionel coldly, rising up to leave the room, then
+pausing just as his hand was on the door, "I thought _you_ did feel for
+me, Marian."
+
+"O Lionel, dear Lionel," and she sprang to him, to lead him back to his
+seat, but he still retained his hold of the lock and would not move;
+"you know"--her tears were flowing--"you know how I grieve for you; but
+if you are in trouble, that ought not to make you do wrong," He was
+turning the lock, and hardened his face, but Marian went on, "Don't go,
+Lionel, only hear me. Mrs. Lyddell is very unhappy about you, and I am
+sure you must see yourself, that if she blames herself for any want of
+care, her only comfort must be in hoping for the best, making the most
+of this little ray."
+
+"Then _you_ think there is a ray!" interrupted Lionel.
+
+"So far as that nothing is certain, but I am afraid it is so slight,
+that you had much better not trust to it, but settle your mind to bear
+whatever may come."
+
+"Very easy talking! If you had but to do it!" cried Lionel, impetuously
+wrenching the door open in spite of her gentle resistance, and running
+off determinately, leaving her, poor girl, in great despair, at having
+so completely failed either in comforting, softening, or bringing him to
+any kind of resigned feeling, having besides vexed him, made him think
+her unkind; and though this was unintentional, and might be better for
+him, just contradicted what his mother wished him to believe.
+
+Her distress was too great even for writing to Gerald, and she walked
+up and down, thinking what to do, longing to find him some better
+comforter, and offering up many a prayer for him, till at last she heard
+Caroline and Clara come home, and remembering that happen what might,
+she must dress for dinner, up she went, heavily and sorrowfully.
+
+As soon as she was dressed, she went to Clara's room, feeling that this
+would be but kind. Clara was not there, and she hesitated whether to go
+on to Caroline's, once her frequent resort. At that instant, however,
+both sisters came up together, and hastened to her. "O Marian Marian!"
+exclaimed Clara.
+
+"You know all about it, I suppose," said Caroline.
+
+"Yea, indeed I do."
+
+"Come in here," said Caroline opening her door; "I want to know about
+him, poor fellow, and how he bears it. Have you seen anything of him?"
+
+Marian told all she could, without betraying what was confidential, and
+did her best to soften Lionel's conduct, by which his sisters evidently
+had been disappointed, saying that he had scarcely chosen to speak
+to them. Marian explained what was on her mind, how she had, without
+intending it, flatly contradicted Mrs. Lyddell's cheering assurances,
+regretting it much, as injustice towards Mrs. Lyddell, but of this,
+Caroline thought little.
+
+"Mamma is always sanguine," she said, "and it was only her colouring
+that made Lionel think her account hopeful. It must be better for him,
+poor fellow, to know the truth, than to have his mind unsettled with
+vain hopes. O dear! O dear! how sad it is, and at his age too! It breaks
+one's heart to think of it."
+
+All coldness and distance had left Caroline's manner in speaking to
+Marian, and this was a great comfort, in the midst of their troubles.
+
+A very uncomfortable time it was, which thus commenced. Lionel was a
+good boy on the whole, with right principles, and some seriousness of
+mind, but he was far too undisciplined to meet patiently such a trial
+as this. He had pride, and a high spirit, and this made him assume a
+bearing, which was a good deal admired in the family, trying to carry
+it off with a high hand, never openly uttering a word of complaint, and
+seeming as if he would rather die than directly express the miserable
+despairing feelings within, though, poor boy, he little knew how
+evidently they showed themselves in his gloomy silence, his outbreaks of
+temper, and his almost desperate, defiant spirit of independence.
+
+His father and mother, not understanding him in the least, managed, in
+the revulsion of feeling which made him now the first object in the
+family, to try his temper perpetually. He had in former times, missed
+their demonstrations of affection, though healthy, high-spirited, and by
+no means sentimental, the craving had been only occasional, he had done
+very well without them, and had gained habits of freedom incompatible
+with being petted. He had never been used to be interfered with, and
+could not understand it at all; and that remembrance of past neglect
+embittered all his feelings.
+
+Mr. Lyddell had just found out, as Marian had thought long ago, that
+Lionel was the flower of his flock, the one of his sons, who alone
+united spirit and steadiness, for the emigration scheme had shown a
+degree of sense, enterprise, and consideration which had at the time
+pleased and surprised him, and now added much to his sense of the
+promise lost. He laid all the blame of the neglect on his wife, but he
+did not lament it the less keenly. His extreme kindness and solicitude
+for the boy, were, to those who compared them with his general
+character, quite affecting, but unluckily they displayed themselves is a
+way which harassed Lionel very much, for he treated him as if he fancied
+him completely blind already, cautioned him, guided him, and looked
+anxious, if he did but walk across the garden alone; whilst Lionel,
+who could see quite well enough for all ordinary purposes, was teased,
+reminded of his troubles, and vexed above measure by having notice
+attracted to his defect of sight.
+
+In the main, however, he owned that his father was kind, and sorry for
+him, though each particular instance annoyed him; but it was much worse
+with his mother, for her petting was more minute, more constant, and
+such as would have been worrying to any boy in full health, even if it
+had not, as in poor Lionel's case, been connected with the dark future,
+and with a past, which had sadly soured him against her. He was always
+rough and morose with her, rebelling against her care, never wakening
+into affection, or showing pleasure in what she proposed, though she
+continued to press on him her attention, with uunwearied assiduity.
+
+His sisters were treated much in the same manner; Clara made him cross
+with over care, and Caroline, though showing better judgment, and much
+real tact and affection, was also kept at a distance, and often harshly
+answered. Marian too, was quite sufficiently like a sister to come
+in for many an unreasonable fit of rudeness, and temper when it was
+perfectly impossible to find any means of pleasing him.
+
+Indeed such unoccupied days as his were in themselves a trial of good
+humour. Idleness was very pleasant in the holidays, but his was too
+active a spirit to bear it for long together, especially when it left
+room for such anticipations as those for which his hopes of a Bush life
+were exchanged, Yet he treated offers of reading to him as insults, and
+far less would he endure to learn any occupation that might serve him
+when his sight should be quite gone; he professed to hate music, and
+lounged about disconsolately in the house or garden. Now and then, if
+he found the young ladies reading on their own account, he would be
+beguiled into listening and being amused, and their ingenuity was often
+exercised in appearing to be doing it naturally, and he sometimes took
+part in conversation, and thus had his attention withdrawn from his
+misfortune; but it was not often that his moodiness of manner could be
+charmed away, unless strangers were present, when he thought it a point
+of honour to seem at his ease and merry.
+
+After luncheon, he liked best to ride, but against this, Mr. and Mrs.
+Lyddell set their faces, persuaded that it must be very dangerous. This,
+Lionel thought the height of unkindness; he could ride just as safely
+as in the holidays; and it was too cruel to make him give up the one
+pleasure he best liked, while he was still able to enjoy it, and though
+not sufficiently familiar with them to attempt any remonstrance, he
+became doubly discontented and sullen. He would not walk with the girls,
+but wandered far away over the downs by himself, often not coming back
+till very late, and till both his parents had been in some alarm. At
+last, after about a week, Marian ventured to expostulate; she prevailed,
+and he was allowed to resume his rides, under a restriction that it must
+never be alone. Now, taking a servant with him was an avowal of his
+misfortune which he never would endure; so Marian, who never in her life
+was afraid of what any horse could do, became his companion, and rode
+out with him a good deal, feeling him indeed a charge, but not nearly so
+heavy a one as her cousins fancied.
+
+Still, though not afraid of accidents to him or to herself, these rides
+were almost a subject of dread to Marian, daily as was their occurrence,
+for it was then that poor Lionel made up for the reserve he exercised
+with all the rest. If she could have done him any good, it would have
+been a different thing, but surely, the world did not contain, as she
+thought, a worse comforter than herself; for day after day, answer
+as she would, came the same sad strain of regrets, and laments over
+vanished plans, repelling every attempt at leading him to resignation,
+and only varied by the different moods in which he would sometimes look
+on his case as hopeless, and sometimes be angry with her for assuming
+that it was so. Still worse were the complaints of his parents, in
+which he would indulge after each fresh provocation, or rather, what he
+thought so, though she never gave him the least encouragement to talk
+in this manner, argued for them, and often blamed him; yet do what she
+would, he never was convinced. The same battle on some other ground was
+sure to recur, often the next day, and Marian, right as she knew she
+was, never felt as if she had the victory; for five times out of six, it
+was in a surly, impatient manner that he turned away from her, as they
+dismounted. She often wondered whether she ought to let him go on thus,
+whether it was right in her, if it did him harm, by confirming all his
+unpleasant feelings, or whether it might not be worse for him to let
+them rankle in his heart instead of pouring them out. It seemed too
+unkind to silence him, when he fancied such talk a comfort, and she was
+the only person in his confidence, yet what was right? what was good for
+him? Her head ached with the self debate; she felt positively worn and
+depressed, with the continued useless, harassing conversations; she knew
+he was beyond her management, yet, with all her doubts, she was too
+tender-hearted to vex him; she let him go on and only combated each
+point, instead of refusing to listen.
+
+Why would not Walter come home, the only true comforter Lionel was
+likely to find, whom he really respected and loved? Walter was by this
+time ordained, yet he did not propose coming home; indeed Marian had
+not even heard whether he had written, and she was inclined to think he
+could not have been informed of the state of things at home.
+
+At length, when Lionel had been at home nearly a month, there came one
+morning a letter directed to him. His mother and Clara both offered to
+read it for him, but he gruffly refused, glanced it over, and put it in
+his pocket. He loitered through the morning, and rode with Marian in the
+afternoon. As they happened to meet with some entertaining subject of
+conversation, the ride was more cheerful than usual, and she hoped she
+had escaped the ordinary discussion; but when he helped her to dismount
+under the portico, he said, "Don't go in just yet. Come and take a turn
+in the plantations."
+
+Her heart sank at the task that was coming, but she would not disappoint
+him, and gathering up her habit, she followed his quick steps. As soon
+as they were out of sight of the house, he produced the letter, saying,
+"Here, read me this."
+
+"O! I was in hopes that you could."
+
+"I thought I could at first, but it was only 'my dear Lionel,' that I
+could read. It was all haze after that. There is a step In these three
+weeks," he added in a voice meant to be manly and careless. "Come, let
+us hear. 'Tis from Walter, is not it?"
+
+The letter had been written on first receiving intelligence of Lionel's
+condition, which had been communicated by his father when he had to
+write about something else. Marian, as she read, rejoiced in the letter,
+it was so exactly what she wanted to have said, and yet never could
+venture on, about regarding the affliction as a cross, and bending to
+bear it patiently. She had often felt that here was the best relief, but
+she had never dared to set it openly before Lionel, fearing that her
+awkwardness, and his waywardness, might lead to his saying something
+scornful, which would be worse than all. Here it was put before him in
+just the right way, and one to which he must attend, and she watched
+eagerly for some token of the way in which he took it.
+
+He made no remark, however, seeming to hear it as a matter of course
+that Walter would say something of the kind. After asking if she was
+certain she had read all, and pointing to a few crossed lines at the
+head of the first page, to make sure that she had not missed them, he
+only said, "Then there is not a word about coming. Well, I do think he
+might come when he knows that after this time I shall never be able to
+see him."
+
+"I don't suppose he thinks of that," said Marian--"I mean perhaps
+he would not think of your caring for the mere _sight_ of him as a
+pleasure."
+
+"He does not know then," said Lionel, "I am trying to learn all your
+faces, and I don't think I shall forget them."
+
+"I am sure if he guessed you wished for him he would come that instant."
+
+"I am not going to ask him," said Lionel proudly.
+
+"What, I really think, is the reason of his stayin away," said Marian,
+hesitating, "is about Mr. Faulkner. I think more especially now he is a
+Clergyman, he will not have anything to do with him."
+
+"Ay, ay," said Lionel, "that is a reason good for something. I only
+should like to do the same, except that if I was Walter I would have
+done more long ago, instead of just keeping out of the way, and told
+Caroline it was a regular shame, and she ought not to be taken in with
+his fine speeches, and balls, and stuff."
+
+"I don't know--" said Marian.
+
+"What don't you know?"
+
+"How far even Walter would be authorised to interfere about what Mr. and
+Mrs. Lyddell approve."
+
+"Don't talk nonsense, Marian. If a thing is right, it is right, if it is
+wrong, it's wrong, and all the world ought to try to prevent it. I know
+I would, if anybody would mind me, for it makes me sick to see that man
+come into the room, and the fuss mamma makes with him. I think he grows
+worse. I declare I'd as soon see her marry Julian the Apostate! I am so
+glad he is gone to those races. I should like to ask Caroline what sort
+of happiness she expects with a man that talks of the Bible as if it was
+no better than the Iliad! I only wish he would talk so to her, perhaps
+that would shock her."
+
+"I don't think she is very happy," said Marian.
+
+"I am sure she ought not to be," was the answer.
+
+"The more talk there has been of fixing the day the more unhappy she has
+looked," said Marian. "You know she has begged the Faulkners to let it
+be put off a little longer, because she could not bear that it should be
+while you are in this doubtful state."
+
+"I did not know it," said Lionel, "and much good does it do me! A nice
+life I shall have with no one but Clara to speak to! And when is your
+marriage, Marian? Mr. Arundel's, I mean, for that is as bad."
+
+"O that will not be till next summer," said Marian: "Mrs. Wortley wishes
+Agnes to be twenty-one first, and Edmund has to build a house."
+
+And Marian was ready to forgive them for the delay when she saw how
+glad it made Lionel look. Yes, rejoiced as she must be to escape from
+Oakworthy, she could not go without a chequered feeling. If she was
+adroit at managing people, she would make Clara take the place she held
+now with Lionel, which would be good for both, but she was far too
+clumsy to bring that about; and O! what a refuge Fern Torr would be
+after all this harassing life! It would be better for Lionel not to have
+her to divert his confidence from his own family, and at any rate she
+should be there to help him through this sad autumn of uncertainty. Then
+would come the peace, rest, and guidance she had longed for all her
+life, in her own home, and that hope might well cheer her through life.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+  "The brass, by long attrition tried,
+  Placed by the purer metal's side,
+  Displays at length a dingy hue,
+  That proves its former claim untrue;
+  So time's discerning hand hath art
+  To set the good and ill apart."
+
+
+Lionel's affliction had certainly tended to lessen the gulf which the
+engagement with Mr. Faulkner had made between Caroline and Marian.
+Caroline was very anxious about her brother, and knowing that Marian had
+his confidence, was continually coming to her for reports of his state
+of mind and spirits, and with despairing questions as to what was likely
+to please him,--questions which Marian was quite unqualified to answer,
+and which were curious, since she had no tact, and Caroline had a great
+deal.
+
+Thus it came to pass, that nightly sittings by each other's bed-room
+fire were renewed, and long consultations took place, always at first
+about Lionel, but sometimes branching to things in general, even as in
+the olden time. Caroline was, however, very unlike what she had been a
+year ago, when as Marian full well remembered, they had first talked of
+Mr. Faulkner's visit. She was gayer in public, but her spirits were very
+low when alone with Marian; and now and then the conversation flagged,
+till she sat for full half an hour, her head on her hand, without a
+word. At first she would try to excuse such a reverie, by calling
+herself very tired; but as days went on, and it recurred, she smiled
+as she woke from it, and told Marian "it was such repose to be with a
+person who would let her be silent."
+
+There was much confidence in such silence. Marian began to grow even
+more sorry for her than at first, because it was impossible to continue
+to be angry; and tried in every way to show her kindness, becoming,
+unconsciously, much more demonstrative in affection than ever she had
+been before. On the day on which Lionel received the letter mentioned
+at the end of the last chapter, Caroline came into Marian's room at
+dressing-time; and after lingering about a little, she said, "Could
+Lionel read that letter to day?"
+
+Marian shook her head sadly.
+
+"He brought it to you, then?" sighed Caroline, "Ah! I saw who it came
+from."
+
+She looked wistfully at Marian, as if longing to hear something of the
+letter, though she would not ask; and Marian, though much touched, was
+determined against saying one word about it, however indifferent, as
+she felt that, without Lionel's consent, she ought to be as mute as the
+paper it was written upon. Caroline paused, then continued, "Do you
+think he will ask you to write his answer for him?"
+
+"No, I think not. You know he wrote a note to Gerald in one of my
+letters the other day. I dare say he will always be able to write; Mrs.
+Wortley has a blind friend who does."
+
+Caroline did not answer, but gazed at the fire for almost ten minutes.
+At last she said, "Poor Walter! I wonder what he is doing."
+
+"I am sure he must be making himself very useful," said Marian.
+
+"That is one thing we may be sure of," said Caroline, smiling
+mournfully. "Walter is excellent wherever he is; but O, Marian,"
+continued she, in a voice of inexpressible sadness, "who would have told
+me, a year ago, that all I should hear of Walter's ordination would be
+in the newspaper?"
+
+Marian could make no answer but some sound expressive of sorrow.
+
+"He has only written to me once since--since June!" proceeded Caroline,
+in the same utterly dejected tone.
+
+Then Walter had remonstrated, which was a great comfort to Marian, by
+restoring him to his place in her estimation. Still she maintained her
+expressive silence, and Caroline went on after another interval. "You
+and he have been consistent from the first, Marian."
+
+At that moment Fanny came in, and no more could be said, for Marian
+was obliged to dress for dinner in a hurry. She took an opportunity of
+saying to Lionel that evening, something about the pleasure it would
+give Caroline if he would tell her about his letter.
+
+"What! you have been telling her about it?" said he, in a tone of great
+vexation; "that is always the way with women--no trusting them!"
+
+"No, indeed, Lionel, I said not one word; but she saw it was Walter's
+writing."
+
+"And you went and told her I could not read it?"
+
+"If she asked me, what could I do but speak the truth?" said Marian
+gently; but he only made an impatient exclamation.
+
+"I gave not the least hint of what it was about," added Marian,
+pleadingly. "Of course I could not think of that, nor she either; but
+she looked as if she did so long for some news of Walter: she has not
+heard from him since the summer."
+
+"That is her own fault," said Lionel, in his surly voice.
+
+"That only makes it the worse for her. She is so much out of spirits,
+Lionel; and if you would only tell her that part about his schools and
+his lodging, I am sure she would be so much obliged to you."
+
+"I shan't do any such thing," was his reply; "I always keep my letters
+to myself, and I wish you would not talk about me."
+
+He turned sharply away, and crossed the room; but his temper was not
+improved by the consequences of his stumbling over a footstool which had
+been left full in the way, and in rather a dark place, where it would
+have been a trap for any one. He recovered in an instant without
+falling; so that it would not have signified if Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell
+had not both been startled. The former issued an edict that no
+stumbling-block should be left in the way, and the latter entered upon
+an investigation as to who had been the delinquent in the present case,
+so as to make a great deal of discussion of the very worst kind for
+Lionel.
+
+Thenceforth the evening was uncomfortable. Marian felt as if she
+was guilty of all, and was extremely provoked with herself for that
+blundering way of driving at her point, which made things worse when she
+most wanted to set them right. She had not comforted Caroline, and
+she had led poor Lionel to fancy his confidence betrayed, and himself
+discussed and--as he would call it--gossiped about. No wonder he looked
+as if she had been injuring him; yet, unjust as it was, she had only her
+own mal-adroitness to blame. A person of tact would have smoothed it all
+at once, instead of ruffling everything up.
+
+The tact Marian longed for is a natural talent; the consideration, the
+delicacy of feeling, that she really had, were a part of her sterling
+goodness, such as may be acquired by all; and her thorough truth,
+trustiness, kindness, and above all her single-mindedness, had a value,
+where she was really known, which weighed down, in the long run, all
+that was involuntarily against her in manner, and won her not only
+esteem, but such warm affection, such thorough reliance, as neither she
+herself, nor those who felt it could fathom. Tact is an excellent thing,
+but genuine love to our neighbour, seeking to show true kindness,
+delicacy, and consideration,--striving in fact to do as it would be done
+by,--is as much more precious, as a spiritual gift is than a natural
+quality.
+
+That very night, as Marian was sitting in her own room in her
+dressing-gown, pondering on these unfortunate blunders, there was a
+knock at her door, and in came Caroline. Sitting down by the fire, she
+held out a letter on two or three sheets of closely written notepaper.
+"Read that, Marian," said she, turning her face straight, to the fire as
+she gave it.
+
+It was from Walter, and the date showed that it had been written,
+immediately on receiving the announcement of Caroline's engagement.
+It was grave, earnest, and affectionate; not accusing Mr. Faulkner of
+anything, not positively objecting to him, but reminding Caroline of the
+solemnity of the duties she was about to undertake, and of the extreme
+danger of allowing herself to be so attracted by agreeableness of
+manner, or led on by the opinion of those around her, as to forget that
+the connection she was about to form was to last for life, and that she
+must be responsible for the influence her husband would exercise on her
+life here, and therefore on her life hereafter. He said he was sure she
+could not enter lightly on such an engagement, and therefore trusted
+that her own mind was thoroughly convinced that she had chosen one
+who would be a guide, an aid, and a support in the path that all were
+treading.
+
+It was exactly Walter's way, as Marian well knew, to manage to say, in
+his simple, and as he thought, guarded manner of representing things,
+what to sharper people had very much the air of irony; and as she gave
+back the letter, her observation, as the first that would occur, was,
+"It is very like Walter."
+
+"Very," said Caroline.
+
+"Did you answer him?"
+
+"I wrote again, but--but"--her voice began to fail--"it was not an
+answer. I would not seem to understand him. I wrote a lively, careless
+sort of letter, and only said papa and mamma were delighted, or
+something of that kind. And O, Marian, Marian, he has never written to
+me again, and I have deserved it." She burst into tears.
+
+"But why don't you write now? He must be very anxious to hear of Lionel,
+and there is no one to tell him."
+
+"I cannot," she replied; "I cannot, while--while he thinks of me as he
+must--as he ought!" She wept bitterly, and Marian stood by perplexed and
+distressed. "Dear Caroline," was the utmost that she could say.
+
+"Marian!" cried Caroline, looking up for a moment, then hiding her face
+again--"I would give anything in the world that he had been at home last
+summer; or that you had slept at High Down that night."
+
+A flash of hope and joy came across Marian. "If you think so," she
+began, but Caroline cut her short. "I know what you mean, but that it?
+impossible, quite Impossible--decidedly so," she added, as if these
+assurances were to strengthen her own belief in its impossibility, and
+not arguing, from a consciousness that her friend would overthrow every
+one of her arguments. "I don't know what made me come to you, and tease
+you," said she, rising and taking her letter; "good night."
+
+"Tease me! O, Caroline, Caroline, you know--"
+
+What she knew was lost in a most affectionate embrace; but Caroline
+would not stay any longer, and left Marian as usual, regretting
+everything that had passed.
+
+The nest night, however, Caroline came again, as if there was some
+irresistible spell that drew her to Marian. It was Sunday, and Marian
+had long since observed that on such days Caroline was always most out
+of spirits. She sat down, and let a long time pass without talking; but
+at last she said, "Marian, it is very kind in you to let me come and sit
+here. You cannot--no--you will never know how wretched I am."
+
+"My dear, dear Caroline, if I could but do anything for you! but," she
+proceeded, gathering resolution from her day's reflections, "you are the
+only person who can do anything for yourself."
+
+"Impossible!" repeated Caroline.
+
+Marian was not exactly silenced, but involved in deep considerations
+as to the propriety of interfering, and whether attempting to persuade
+Caroline would be doing evil that good might come. Before she had made
+up her mind,--as, indeed, how could she in five minutes come to a
+conclusion to which hours of previous perplexity had failed to bring
+her?--Caroline spoke again, "If it had but never begun! but now it has,
+it must go on."
+
+"I don't know--"
+
+"It must, I tell you!" repeated Caroline. "If it had all to begin over
+again, it would be very different. O, if it was but this time last
+year!"
+
+"But Caroline, Caroline," repeated Marian, carried away by the thought
+that rose to her lips, "only think; you say now if it was this time last
+year--now, while you can escape. Shall not you say so all the more when
+it is really too late,--when you will wish you had drawn back now?"
+
+"You have no right to say I should wish, that!" said Caroline, offended.
+"You don't know what the love is that you are holding so cheaply."
+
+"I beg your pardon, Caroline," and Marian was thrown into herself again;
+but she thought a little longer, and seeing that Caroline was still
+waiting and musing, she ventured on saying, in a timid voice, "Somehow,
+I think, it would seem to me that the more affection there was, the more
+painful it would all be."
+
+"You are right there, Marian," exclaimed Caroline, in a voice of acute
+feeling.
+
+It was a strange question that Marian next asked abruptly, on an impulse
+sudden at the moment, though it was what she had long eagerly desired to
+know. "Do you love him after all?"
+
+Caroline did not seem vexed by the inquiry, but went on speaking rather
+as if she was examining herself as to the answer,--"Love him? I don't
+know; sometimes I think I do, sometimes I think not. It is not as
+people in books love, and--and it can't be as your Agnes must love Mr.
+Arundel."
+
+A most emphatic "O no!" escaped from Marian, she hardly knew how, as if
+it was profanation to compare Mr. Faulkner to Edmund; and perhaps the
+strongest proof that Caroline's was not a real attachment, was that she
+let it pass. "But then," pursued she warmly, "I am sure he is attached
+to me--yes, very much--and--well, and I am glad to see him come into the
+room; I like to walk with him. There is no one--no--no one in the whole
+world whom I like so well. All my doubts and fears go away at the first
+sound of his voice, and I am quite happy then. O, Marian, that surely is
+love?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian; "I can't fancy love that has not begun with
+esteem, with looking up,"
+
+"I do look up!" said Caroline, eagerly. "He is so clever, so sensible,
+has such a mind."
+
+"I did not mean looking up intellectually,"
+
+"Ah! you can live in that way," said Caroline, quickly; "your own people
+are all of _that sort_. But you know I should never have had any one at
+all to love, if I had begun looking for _that kind of thing_, even at
+home."
+
+Too true, thought Marian, while she answered, "It is a different thing
+where you have to begin afresh, and take it voluntarily upon you."
+
+"Voluntarily!" repeated Caroline; "I am sure my will had very little
+to do with it. I found myself in the midst of it, without knowing how,
+before I had made up my mind one way or the other. O, Marian! if you had
+but been with me that morning."
+
+"Would that have prevented you?"
+
+"I do really believe it would. You would have looked as if you thought
+it so impossible, that I should have been strengthened up to do
+something they could not have taken for consent. I'll tell you all about
+it, Marian, from the beginning, and you will see how little free will I
+had in it, and how distracted I am now."
+
+Caroline went through the whole story, incoherently, and often only half
+expressing her sentiments, and passing over what Marian knew already.
+It seemed that she had been pleased with Mr. Faulkner's agreeableness,
+flattered by his attention, and entered upon the same sort of
+intercourse with him as with any other pleasant acquaintance. It would
+never have been her way, brought up as she had been, to shrink from him
+with such shuddering aversion as Marian did, simply from what she had
+heard of his opinions. He was so agreeable, that it was just as well
+quite to forget that, or only half to believe it. Then came the growing
+perceptions of his intentions towards her, and of her mother's triumph
+in them. But this was not till the archery arrangements were so far
+advanced, that she could not have drawn back from them; and she was,
+besides, in a whirl of gaiety and excitement that left little time for
+serious thought: that she put off till his offer should be made, if it
+was really coming. It came, and when she did not expect it. She knew
+not what to do she was too confused for consideration. The next day was
+bewilderment, and in the evening she found herself engaged. The new
+sensation given her by her lover's affection, her genuine admiration of
+his personal superiority, and wonder at herself for having attracted
+such a man,--her gratitude to his family for their kindness, the triumph
+of her parents,--all formed such a mixture of pleasurable, almost
+intoxicating feelings, as at first to giddy her, (or, as the French will
+express it, _l'etourdir_,) as to what she had done, and what she
+was about to do. Marian's grave, still face, and omission of one
+congratulatory, even of one sympathetic word, were indeed witnesses; but
+the impression of her unaccommodating ways was then recent, and
+Caroline thought of her as one who showed goodness to be unpleasing and
+impracticable, and looked on her silent disapproval as part of that
+system of severity in which, she was consistent, but which her conduct
+only proved to be absurd and unreasonable.
+
+In the same spirit Caroline disregarded Walter's letter,--only a letter,
+which could therefore be laid aside, and which, in truth, did not say
+all he meant as forcibly or as well as it might have been said, since,
+as every one knew, Walter was more good than clever. A tenderness of
+feeling, reminding her that Walter loved her, would not let her destroy
+the letter, or be offended; but she intrenched herself in her parents'
+satisfaction, and being resolved not to attend to it, she would not seem
+to understand it. So time passed; at first she was really not exactly
+happy, but possessing what passed very well for happiness with herself
+and every one else; then came a time when an effort became necessary to
+persuade herself that she was so. It was not that Mr. Faulkner showed
+his character more openly, or startled her with any such plain
+expressions as had so much shocked Lionel; for he held that most subtle
+and perilous of all views partaking of unbelief,--that Christianity was
+the best and most beautiful form of religion yet promulgated, that it
+was all very well now for women and weak-minded people, and it was a
+step to some wonderful perfectibility, which was a sort of worship of an
+essence of beauty and intellect.
+
+He did not say such things to her, but they were the principles on which
+all his sentiments were founded: and as she knew him mire and more
+intimately, compared and discussed their tastes and likings, and the
+grounds on which they were formed, there were tokens, which could not
+help now and then showing themselves, of those opinions of which Marian
+had warned her.
+
+Very slow was she to admit the conviction, for she was growing much
+attached to him; and whenever he praised the beauty, the poetry, the
+morality, the majesty of anything belonging to religion, she caught at
+it and silenced all her doubts with it,--hoped she had silenced them for
+ever,--but the perception would return that it was only the beauty that
+he praised, because it was beauty, and struck him as such. Shade upon
+shade, imperceptible in itself, but each tint adding to its depth,
+the cloud of misgiving darkened, and though she tried to fight it
+off,--though she told herself it was too late,--though she was very
+angry with herself for it, there it still hung; and the ever-present
+consciousness of Marian's disapproval heightened it, till in impatient
+moods she began to dislike Marian, and wish her out of the house,
+
+Then came the news of Edmund Arundel's engagement, rousing Marian into
+such a glow of warm-hearted delight, as to waken Caroline to a complete
+sense of her power of affection, as well as of the contrast of the
+manner in which she regarded the prospects of her two friends. Caroline
+grew more unhappy, and strove both against her own growing wretchedness,
+and an almost magnetic attraction, which drew her to impart it all to
+Marian, in spite of the chill with which it would be first met, and of
+the advice which could never be taken; whilst a yearning, longing desire
+for the long-suspended intercourse with Walter, and a sense of his
+displeasure, formed no slight portion of her miserable feelings. The
+arrangements for her marriage she looked on as part of her destiny,--at
+any rate, they occupied her mind; and there would be an end, after that,
+of these dreadful and vain doubts.
+
+In the midst of all this, poor Lionel's threatened misfortune gave
+Caroline, as it were, a glimpse down a long dark road, where nothing had
+ever yet caused her to look; yet who could say whether it might not
+be her's to tread it? Affliction, sickness, sorrow, death, certain at
+last,--there was but one stay in them; and what if she should lose
+it,--if she was losing it already? I She thought of bearing them with
+_him_,--of the hollowness, the fallacy, the utter misery of trying to be
+sustained by aught that had not its foundations firmly fixed beyond the
+grave,--of not looking as sorrow as fatherly chastisement. (Caroline
+hardly yet entered into its still higher claim,) or at death as the gate
+of life. And O! if she loved him as her husband, what would it be to see
+him die, thinking, or even having thought, as he too surely did? All the
+train of fallacies about sincerity rather than forms of faith,--all the
+hopes that he might yet be brought to see the truth, and that she might
+be the means, were only soporifics for a moment, which failed to still
+the ever growing agony. She knew there was nothing in them, and that
+they were only extenuations; but still, amid all her unhappiness, there
+was a resolution to persevere, a want of moral courage which determined
+her to go on, and enter on such a life as this, rather than go through
+all that would ensue on an attempt to break off the match. Thus, though
+her reluctance was increasing, and she now sought to put off the
+decisive day, instead of precipitating it, as at first, all she
+attempted was to have the wedding deferred in consequence of her
+brother's condition; and though, logically taken, there was no great
+reason in the request, every one agreed it was a very amiable feeling,
+and so her desire was complied with. She would have avoided Marian more
+than ever, but this could hardly be, now that her cousin was in fuller
+sympathy, with all the family than she had ever been before; and little
+as was her immediate power with Lionel, Caroline would have given worlds
+even for that. Thus, as has been shown, the old sympathy grew up again;
+the root, blighted months ago, shot out once more, and at last accident
+and impulse led Caroline to do what she had little expected ever to have
+done,--to pour out all her griefs, cares, and doubts to Marian, knowing
+all the time what she would say, and resolved against her advice, yet
+irresistibly impelled to go on, as if talking would relieve her of her
+burthen, and resting on the solid, firm truth of that deep love, which
+manifested itself by few tokens indeed, but those were of extreme worth.
+
+The confession was a perplexity and a sorrow to Marian while it was
+being made, though she was very glad it had been done; and how intense
+were the affection and compassion for Caroline that filled her heart is
+beyond all power of narration. She answered with earnest sympathy, at
+each step helped out the broken words, and showed her comprehension of
+the pauses. She was a perfect listener in all but one respect; she
+would not give the counsel Caroline wanted; and she would not have been
+Marian, she would not have had her own reality and bracing severity, if
+she had. She could not cheer Caroline up, bid her banish fear, and look
+forward to happiness; she could not even tell her there was no help for
+it: she only said, "I don't know," and sat considering whenever Caroline
+reiterated that it was impossible, and too late.
+
+Some power those "I don't knows" had beyond eloquence; for when Caroline
+had seven times fully proved how entirely out of the question any
+attempt to escape from her destiny would be, she ended by asking, in
+quite a different tone, "What would you have me do?"
+
+The reply was, of course, "I don't know;" but this was immediately
+followed by a repetition of the former counsel, "Write to Walter."
+
+Caroline could not--would not; it would be of no use: poor Walter should
+not be tormented. If, in his strict sense of right, he chose to come and
+try, as he would think, to save her, there would be nothing but uproar
+and confusion in the family; and to think of him, with his timidity,
+bringing his father's anger on himself for her sake, seemed to her
+at the moment beyond all things dreadful. No, no, no, it was utterly
+impossible; and therewith the fire being out, and the clock striking
+two, Caroline thanked Marian for her kindness, said it was all of no
+use, kissed her, and bade her good night.
+
+Marian thought no good was done, and only made herself very unhappy at
+seeing her led, by weakness, to sacrifice herself against her better
+judgment. The next night, Caroline came again, and the conversation was
+resumed, or rather gone over again, with no more satisfactory result
+than before; and so it was the next, and the next. To be comforter and
+adviser sounds like a delightful privilege, and so, thought Marian, it
+would be, if one could only do it; but to have all the opportunity,--to
+have people coming for comfort, and not in the least be able to afford
+it, neither to relieve them, nor to be sure that she had not done them
+harm was to the highest degree painful and unsatisfactory. And from
+Lionel's repinings to Caroline's doubts, she went, suffering for each,
+equally unable to console either, and wondering which was the saddest
+case. Lionel's was, she thought, far the best, if he would but perceive
+it; but then Caroline's might yet be remedied, if she had but strength
+for one struggle. All that Marian could do without mistrust, was to pray
+for them both, and to pray that she might not be the means of doing them
+harm.
+
+She saw how wrong it would be in her, personally to interfere between
+Caroline and her parents' wishes; and it was this that made her adhere
+to that one piece of advice, that Walter should be written to, since on
+his judgment and sense of right there was the most absolute reliance;
+and, both as brother and Clergyman, he was by far the most proper person
+for Caroline to consult, or to act for her.
+
+For three days, however, it was all in vain, Caroline would not write;
+and she began to despair, and to grow angry with the feebleness that
+would not take one step in the right direction. On the fourth, Caroline,
+who the night before had seemed as averse as ever, showed her, as she
+crossed the hall on the way to luncheon, a letter directed to
+the Reverend Walter Lyddell. Her heart leapt, but as she smiled
+satisfaction, she saw Caroline's face so wan, dejected, and miserable,
+that she could not make herself too happy. There were other doubts, now
+that this point was gained, as to how Walter might be able to manage
+Caroline,--whether he would lead her to the right, or unconsciously turn
+her to the wrong, by his want of skilfulness; what might be his idea of
+her duty to her parents, or to her promise; whether he might think
+it right to take upon himself to advise, or whether either he or his
+sister, when it came to the point, would have nerve enough to excite
+their father's displeasure.
+
+The only thing Marian thought at all favourable, was that Elliot and Mr.
+Faulkner were both at Newmarket, and there was no present appearance of
+their coming home. Elliot was likely to make more opposition than any
+one else, and Mr. Faulkner's influence was of course to be dreaded.
+Indeed, had he been at hand, believing, as Caroline did, in his
+affection for her, it was most probable that she would never have spoken
+of her misgivings at all, and very possibly have hardly acknowledged
+them to herself.
+
+Caroline's letter had been written on Thursday. It was Monday, and no
+answer had come, which caused her to look more worn and dispirited than
+before, unable even to keep up the appearance of cheerfulness which she
+had hitherto assumed when with the rest of the family. It was a cold,
+gloomy, wintry day, with gusts of sleety rain, and no one chose to
+attempt going out, except Marian and Lionel, the former of whom was
+a systematic despiser of weather, and never was hurt by anything but
+staying in-doors, while the latter would rather have done anything than
+idle away a whole afternoon as well as a morning in the drawing-room.
+Even they thought it too bad for riding; so after making the circuit of
+the park, they went into the town, where Lionel wanted to buy a silk
+handkerchief. He had been told the day before that his neck-tie was
+growing unfit to be seen, he did not choose to ask any one to get one
+for him, and it was against his will that he was obliged to take Marian
+to secure him from buying "any thing awful," as he expressed it.
+
+The purchase prospered very well, Lionel hoped that the shopman had not
+found out how entirely he trusted to his companion for the choice, and
+was proud that his old precaution of substituting a key for a slider at
+the gold end of his purse, had saved him from making any mistakes about
+the money. They were walking away, arm in arm; it was not yet necessary
+to guide him, but Marian thought, beginning now would soften the first
+commencement of dependence. And, indeed, even in the holidays Lionel, in
+his first tail-coat, had been well-pleased to find himself man enough to
+have his arm taken by a young lady.
+
+A carriage was passing. "There is Walter!" joyfully exclaimed Marian, as
+she saw the well-known spectacled face peering from the window of one of
+the carriages from the Great Western Station.
+
+"Walter! what, come at last?" cried Lionel, looking up and frowning in
+that painful way that had become habitual to him when he strained his
+eyes to see distinctly. Walter had at the same moment spied them,
+stopped, thrown the door open, sprung out, and was shaking hands with
+them, but scarcely speaking. He turned again to order the driver to go
+on and set his things down at the house, and then joined his brother and
+cousin, looting very anxiously at Lionel, whose arm Marian had quitted,
+and still keeping silence. Marian on her side was very glad; but at the
+same time almost overcome by the thought of what this return home must
+be to Walter, and feeling a strange, solemn sensation at first meeting
+her cousin and companion, after he had become in an especial manner
+the servant of the Most High. He was Walter still, Walter with his
+near-sighted eyes, and nervous manner, yet he was so much more, and his
+clerical dress would not let her forget it for a moment.
+
+Lionel was the most unembarrassed of the three, he was very glad to
+meet his brother, and wishing to show that he could bear his troubles
+manfully, he spoke joyously, "So you have thought better of it and come
+at last, Walter; I hope it is for a good long time."
+
+"Only till Saturday," was Walter's answer.
+
+"Well, that is something, only I can't think why you did not come
+before."
+
+Walter murmured something about having been much occupied, and then
+seemed to be watching Lionel too intently to say any more. Marian
+thought the brothers would get on much better without her, and, coming
+to a cottage, said she wanted to speak to somebody in it. "O Marian, we
+will wait for you," said Walter, with a pleading look, and she saw from
+his agitated, fidgeting manner, that he was excessively nervous at the
+notion of being left to take care of Lionel back to the house.
+
+"Very well," she said, "I will not be a moment;" and delivering her
+message, which had been only devised as an excuse, she walked on with
+them, in a sort of despair as to Walter's being of any use. "If he is
+afraid to walk home with Lionel," thought she, "what will it be about
+stirring up his father? Why cannot people have a little courage?" She
+consoled herself by remembering that Walter could not know the degree of
+Lionel's blindness, and probably thought it worse than it yet was; but
+even if it had been total, she could not see that he need have been
+afraid of guiding him in the street and through the park. If it was the
+additional nervousness, of disliking to begin on so painful a subject,
+that she thought worse than all. Marian being by no means troubled with
+nerves herself, had little toleration for women who had them; and none
+at all for men. She thought the case lost, and half repented of her
+advice to write to Walter, yet she did not know what else she could
+possibly have said. Lionel talked on, told who was at home, and what
+every one was about, and when Johnny had last been heard of, all in a
+bright, lively tone, not exactly assumed, for he was much cheered by
+his brother's arrival, and yet partly from the wonted desire of showing
+himself happy. Walter did not make much reply, but when Lionel after
+saying Elliot was at Newmarket, added, "And Mr. Faulkner is there too,
+so you won't have the pleasure of an introduction," he started, and
+Marian saw the trembling of his lips.
+
+Thus they reached the house, and Lionel dashed forward In his own
+headlong way before them, to announce Walter's coming. Then Walter
+looked at Marian, saying, "Then it is not so bad yet?"
+
+"O no, it is only that he cannot see anything distinctly; he cannot bear
+not to be independent."
+
+They were entering the hall by this time, and his mother and sisters had
+come out to meet Walter, Caroline very white and trembling, and holding
+by the back of a chair instead of coming forward; Mrs. Lyddell kissed
+him, and seemed more affectionate than usual, for it had been a great
+pleasure to her to see Lionel rush in with that animated face, and a
+shout such as he used to get into disgrace for.
+
+Nothing came to pass that evening, there were no private conferences,
+and there was nothing remarkable, excepting that Lionel was quite merry
+and talkative, and Caroline more silent than ever, seeming hardly to
+attend even when Walter was sitting between her and Clara, talking to
+Marian and Lionel about the beautiful arrangements of Church and school
+in his new curacy. At night she was in such a terrible agitation,
+walking up and down the rooms so restless and wretched that Marian,
+seriously afraid she would be quite ill the next day, persuaded her with
+great difficulty, to go to bed, and did not leave her till very late at
+night, when she had read her to sleep.
+
+It was a, great relief to find her pretty well in the morning, at least
+with nothing worse than a headache. She and Walter both disappeared
+after breakfast, and did not come down till luncheon time, when she
+looked so ill that Mrs. Lyddell was alarmed and insisted on her lying
+down and keeping quiet. Then Mrs. Lyddell said that Walter ought to go
+and call on Lady Julia Faulkner, and offered to take him there. Marian
+looked at him by stealth, and could have gasped for breath, for by what
+he did now, she thought she could see what line he would take.
+
+"Thank you," he said, or rather hesitated, "but don't let me interrupt
+your plans. I thought I heard something about--about. Salisbury. I have
+something to do there."
+
+"The girls did talk of wanting to go," said Mrs. Lyddell. "Did not you,
+Marian or Clara, which was it?"
+
+"My watch wants to have something done to it," put in Lionel, whose
+father had given him a repeater, which of course began its career by
+doing anything but going properly.
+
+"Well, perhaps it will he as well to go to Salisbury to-day, as Caroline
+has this headache. She never likes going there, and she may be able to
+go with us to High Down to-morrow."
+
+So it was settled, and they left the luncheon table. Marian happened to
+be the last lady, and whether it was fancy or not she was not sure, but
+she thought she heard on Walter's lips, a self-reproachful whisper of
+"Coward."
+
+The expedition to Salisbury, in which Marian was obliged to take part,
+prevented her from seeing anything of Caroline till the evening, and
+then as soon as Clara was out of the way Caroline rose up, caught hold
+of her hand, and exclaimed, "O, Marian, what have you made me do?" then
+walked about in a paroxysm of distress, almost terrible to witness.
+
+"Caroline, dearest, O don't!" cried Marian quite frightened; "do try to
+be calm! O what is it?"
+
+"O it will all be misery!" said Caroline, sitting down and clasping her
+hands over her face, "I little knew what it would be when you made me
+write to Walter. He says it would be wickedness--yes, those were his
+words--he called it wickedness in me to go on with it, as I feel now!"
+
+"And you mean to--"
+
+"I cannot tell--I don't know--he must do as he pleases; O it will make
+me wild! He must do as he pleases, for I must be wretched either way,"
+
+"Dear Caroline--but O! how much better to be unhappy for the sake of
+doing right than when--"
+
+"Yes, yes--so he said--but O! the horror. It kills me even to think of
+what it will be! O, Marian, Marian--"
+
+"It will be over in time," said Marian; "but O! I am glad you have made
+up your mind--"
+
+"No, I have not--at least I must, I suppose--for after what Walter said
+I can't go on. Walter's words would be a dagger--O! I don't know what
+they would be, all the rest of my life if I did. No--you and Walter must
+have your own way; I am too wretched already to care what becomes of
+inc. But he--O Marian, I never can--"
+
+"If it is right you can," said Marian.
+
+"You can, but you don't know what you say to me," said Caroline. "Right
+has never been to me what it is to you."
+
+"Yes, indeed it has, dear Caroline, or you would not be making this
+struggle now. Indeed there must be strength in you, or you would have
+gone on without faltering."
+
+"Walter said he should never have spoken one word after that first
+letter, if I had not begun," said Caroline; "but when he saw my mind
+misgave me, and I wanted help, he thought it his duty to come and set
+it all before me. O, Marian, he said dreadful things; I did not think
+Walter could have been so cruel. O, such things! He made me look at the
+Marriage Service, and say how I could answer those things; and he talked
+about death and the Last Day. He said it would be a presumptuous sin,
+and a profaning of the holy ordinance for me to come to it, knowing and
+thinking and feeling as I do. O what things he said! and yet he was very
+kind to me."
+
+"Well, and--"
+
+"I left it all to him. I knew it would be misery, and I did not care in
+what way; but then, Marian, O! worse than all, he said it must be my own
+doing."
+
+"I suppose it must."
+
+"He said he would help me; but I was the only person who had a right to
+do anything! O, Marian, Marian, I wish I could die."
+
+"It will be over in time!" repeated Marian.
+
+"Yes, but it will not be over. Mamma, papa, O I shall be reproached with
+it for ever; I shall know I have made _him_ unhappy. O would that I
+could begin all over again!"
+
+"You will have comfort at last in having been strong. The greater the
+effort the nobler it is! O, Caroline, do only hold out nobly. It is so
+glorious to have something to suffer for the sake of doing right!"
+
+"Glorious!" murmured Caroline, her desponding gaze raised to contemplate
+the grand head, fine brow, firm lips, and dark glancing eye, turned up
+for a moment in the enthusiastic spirit of self-devotion. That look,
+unknowing as was Marian that she wore it, penetrated into Caroline's
+soul, and warmed her too with the temper of martyrdom. "Glorious;" she
+repeated a second time, and the tone was not so broken and hopeless as
+before.
+
+"To be sure it is!" said Marian, going on with her own thoughts, "and it
+is so seldom people can ever partake of it, in ever so slight a degree,
+in these days; I always think it so beautiful where the account is given
+of the Apostles' great joy when they found a persecution was really
+going to begin."
+
+"Persecution--yes, real persecution."
+
+"And every suffering for the sake of the truth, for conscience' sake,
+must partake a little of that, I suppose," said Marian reverently.
+
+There they were interrupted by Clara, who came to call Marian down
+stairs. Caroline came too, which the others had not expected. She was
+more calm and composed, and her headache was supposed by her mother to
+account for her want of spirits. She went to bed early, begging Marian
+to come and visit her when she came up. Marian contrived to do so as
+soon as possible, and found her already in bed, quiet and comfortable.
+"Marian," she said, "I have made up my mind. Now read to me, if you
+please."
+
+She was worn out with agitation and sleeplessness, and soothed with
+having come to a determination, she soon fell asleep, and Marian went
+to her own room, wondering over the part Walter had acted, and what he
+might be going to do next, whether he had led or driven his sister, and
+how far the courage of principle would avail to subdue natural timidity.
+
+Caroline was pretty well the next morning, but the time was broken up in
+various ways, so that it was not till the afternoon that she could see
+Walter again in private. Lionel was considerably disconcerted when he
+found himself left to Marian. He had no notion of what was going on, had
+believed Walter's return to be entirely on his account, and was much
+disappointed at not having more of his company; for though both had been
+of the party to Salisbury, one had been outside the carriage and the
+other inside, so that they had not seen much of each other, and this
+morning had been interrupted. He was so much vexed and inclined to be
+hurt, by what he felt as a slight on his brother's part, that Marian
+could not resist telling him what she knew would console him. "I don't
+think you will mind it, Lionel, when you know why it is that Caroline
+wants him."
+
+"Ha?" said Lionel, "you don't mean that she has thought better of it,
+and is going to send Julian the Apostate to the right about. Eh? You
+don't say so. Well, then there is some good in Caroline after all! But
+then what should she want of Walter?"
+
+"To help her, to advise her."
+
+"Well, if she likes, but I can't see what advice she wants. She has only
+got to make him a curtsey and say, 'Very much obliged to you, sir, but I
+had rather be excused.'"
+
+Marian could not help laughing, in spite of her deep feeling on the
+matter, and Lionel, who had acted the voice and the curtsey, laughed
+too, and then perhaps ashamed of making fun of such an affair, added,
+"It is the best news I have heard this long time. What, and that is what
+she has been so dismal about these last few days, is it?"
+
+"Yes, she has been very unhappy indeed. It is a terrible struggle."
+
+"What? she likes him, does she? Poor Cary! After all I am glad she is
+coming right again, she is very good natured, and a great deal too good
+for Ju--. Ah! you won't have him called so, I know. They have taken a
+good time for it now he is away and Elliot too, but what a tremendous
+row there will be about it. Mamma thought it was such a speculation for
+Caroline."
+
+"Yes, I am afraid she will have a great deal to go through."
+
+"Yes," said Lionel, pondering gravely for some minutes; then asking
+"What is going to be done?"
+
+"I don't know in the least; I believe she is settling with Walter
+to-day."
+
+"Then nobody knows about it yet?"
+
+There was no more to do but to have the satisfaction of talking over the
+engagement together, an occupation which put Lionel into particularly
+good spirits, and made their walk very pleasant. In the next glimpse
+which Marian had of Caroline, she learnt that Walter had undertaken to
+speak to his father that very evening. Caroline looked ghastly white as
+she said so in a whisper, but her dreadful agitation seemed to have
+left her; she had evidently quite made up her mind, though she said she
+believed it would never have been done if it had rested with her to
+begin by telling either of her parents. Both she and Marian knew that
+nothing but a spirit of moral heroism could have braced Walter to bear
+the first brunt of his father's wrath, and she was very much shocked at
+her own weakness in suffering it, but still it was much in her to allow
+it to be done.
+
+That the conversation had taken place at night, when all the rest had
+retired, was evident to Marian when they met the nest morning from the
+very dark, severe loots of Mr Lyddell, from his wife's impatient angry
+manner, and sharper, louder voice. Walter was almost absolutely silent,
+Caroline went through the forms of breakfast as if she was in a dream,
+Lionel frowned, fidgeted, and tried with all his might, poor boy, to
+scan the faces which were daily growing more obscure to his vision; even
+Clara saw something was wrong, and glanced from one to the other in a
+puzzled, alarmed manner When they left the dining-room, Marian heard
+Mrs. Lyddell say, "Caroline, I want you." She flew up to her own room,
+and hiding her face, as she knelt down, she entreated earnestly that her
+poor Caroline might have steadfastness to go through this fearful trial.
+She was interrupted by Clara, begging to know what was the matter, if
+anything was wrong about Mr. Faulkner; she thought Lionel knew, but when
+she him be would do nothing but crow like a cock. Marian would have been
+glad if she could have made any equally convenient demonstration instead
+of an answer, but she could only say that she had heard nothing of Mr.
+Faulkner, and could not tell Clara anything about the matter.
+
+"Do you know anything?" said Clara.
+
+"I do know."
+
+"Ah! you are in all Caroline's secrets now, and that is very odd; you
+who used to hate the Faulkners. Well, but are not you coming down?"
+
+In spite of his cock-crowings, Lionel was very anxious, and when in the
+course of that long desultory forlorn morning he was left alone with
+Marian, he earnestly asked her what she knew. "Nothing" was her answer.
+
+"O if Caroline will but hold out!" he exclaimed, "that will be what I
+call being good for something! I hope mamma won't be desperately angry,
+for that I could stand less than anything, it goes on so much longer
+with her than with papa."
+
+"She will be very much disappointed. O how I wish I knew what is
+happening!"
+
+It was a long time before any intelligence could be gained: Mrs. Lyddell
+was very much flushed, and looked extremely displeased when she came
+down, hardly speaking to any one but Lionel, and glancing most sternly
+at Marian, Caroline did not come down at all, and when Marian was going
+up stairs after luncheon, Mrs. Lyddell said with extreme coldness, "Do
+not go to Caroline, if you please, I wish her to be left quiet."
+
+Marian was in great consternation, since it was evident that Mrs.
+Lyddell perceived how her influence had been exerted, and was very much
+offended, indeed it was no wonder that she should be. Nothing but "very
+well" could be said so she quietly prepared to go out. Lionel had his
+brother this afternoon and did not want her, so she had only Clara for
+her companion full of surmises and of excitement. When she came in and
+was on her way to her room, Caroline opened her door. "Marian! O will
+you not come to me?" cried she imploringly.
+
+Marian could not but comply, indeed she had no hesitation, for she
+thought Mrs. Lyddell's injunction only applied to the time before she
+went out.
+
+"O, cheer me up, comfort me, Marian!" said Caroline, drawing her
+cousin's arm round her waist, "I do want it so much!"
+
+"You are going on bravely then!" said Marian, caressing her.
+
+"Bravely!" sighed Caroline; "No, indeed, but I have held firmly so far!
+I could not but stand by poor Walter, you know, when he confronted it
+all for me! I could not say much--I could only cry--but I took care they
+should not think I consented again."
+
+"And is Mrs. Lyddell very much displeased?"
+
+"O, don't speak of it, Marian. I cannot bear it."
+
+The door opened and Mrs. Lyddell entered, and the air of indignant
+surprise on seeing Marian called for an answer: "I beg your pardon, I
+thought you only meant me not to go to Caroline just after luncheon,"
+said Marian.
+
+"I wish matters, such as we have been discussing, to be confined
+entirely to our own family," replied Mrs. Lyddell, too angry not to say
+something, yet too much afraid of Marian not to say it very courteously.
+
+"Mamma!" said Caroline eagerly, "only hear me. I assure you that not one
+word did Marian ever say to me till I voluntarily went to her a week
+ago, because I was so very miserable I could bear it no longer."
+
+"I should have thought your mother the proper person to go to in such a
+case. Miss Arundel's sentiments had so long been visible, that you could
+have no doubt of the advice you would receive from her."
+
+"Mrs. Lyddell," said Marian, collecting herself, and speaking slowly,
+"I am very sorry I have appeared to act a part which I know must seem
+unjustifiable. I never spoke to--to Caroline" (the remembrance of Lionel
+prevented her from saying to any one) "of my opinion of this engagement,
+after it was formed, till she came to me for advice, in her distress. I
+could not speak against my conscience, and I tried not to forget what
+was due to you. I only begged her to write to her brother as the fittest
+person to help her, as being a clergyman. I beg your pardon for having
+acted against your wishes." So saying, Marian went out, surprised and
+alarmed at finding herself in open opposition to Mrs. Lyddell, and
+bewildered as to how she ought to have acted. Her comfort was in looking
+forward to the refuge at Fern Torr, and she smiled as she compared Mrs.
+Lyddell with her other guardian's future wife.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell wished her at Fern Torr fully as much as she did. She had
+already become jealous of Lionel's preference, and it was too galling to
+find the affection of her children stolen from her by that cold, pale,
+proud, unprepossessing girl. Had the love been on the part of Elliot or
+Walter, Mrs. Lyddell would hardly have regretted it, considering Miss
+Arundel's large fortune and high connexions; but nothing was less
+probable than this, and Marian's influence over Caroline was at present,
+in Mrs. Lyddell's eyes, only a source of mischief.
+
+Lionel was alone in the drawing-room, and met Marian eagerly inquiring
+"What news?"
+
+"I have hardly seen her. Has Walter told you nothing?"
+
+"No; he thinks I don't know, and I was not going to let on that you told
+me. Is she steady?"
+
+"Yes, so far."
+
+"That is right," said Lionel, thoughtfully, "I am very sorry for her,
+but I shall think the better of her ever after."
+
+"Have you been out with Walter?"
+
+"Yes, we have had a very nice talk."
+
+Here Walter came down, and began to talk to Marian about schools and
+lending libraries.
+
+It was a strange state of things, with all those different pairs of
+confidential friends. Both Marian and Walter were the stay and support
+of Caroline and Lionel; yet, though acting in concert, and perfectly
+agreed, not saying a word in confidence to each other on either head.
+Neither did Walter speak of Caroline to Lionel, nor Lionel, though much
+interested for her, speak to her of his affairs or her own. Clara indeed
+bestowed her communications on every one, but she got nothing in return
+that was satisfactory. Marian was the central point with all except
+Walter, but the fulness of her heart was bestowed elsewhere. And, alas!
+none saw so little of those young hearts as the parents, who had never
+earned their confidence; so that when they turn to them, it was from
+duty, as to rulers, not as to counsellors and friends.
+
+Very sore was Marian's heart that night, when she felt it her duty to
+bid Caroline good night in Mrs. Lyddell's hearing, in spite of the
+piteous, imploring glance turned upon her. Might not her support make
+all the difference now? she thought. No; shame on her for thinking that
+she could do more good than He to whose hands Caroline was trusted!
+Folly, to dream that her awkward, blundering words could be more help
+than the prayers she could pour out alone!
+
+Yet all these consolations could not prevent poor Marian from being very
+miserable, under the dread that Caroline thought her unkind, and felt
+herself deserted, after being involved in all this suffering. And O,
+should she fail! Walter must go on Saturday, and then she would be left
+to fight her battle alone.
+
+On the Friday the whole house knew what was going on. Mr. Lyddell
+himself had a conversation with Caroline, but nothing of it transpired.
+It only was evident that she still continued in the same mind, and she
+looked more wretched than ever. Marian was anxious to show her affection
+and sympathy in her manner, but her anxiety only made her cold, and dry,
+and awkward. Clara was excited and puzzled, Walter was hardly spoken to
+by father or mother; and when at breakfast on Saturday he spoke of his
+departure, the silence that he encountered seemed to express that he had
+much better not have come home at all.
+
+Marian felt fierce with indignation, and Lionel, perhaps by way of
+effusion of the same feeling, dashed his chair away from the table, and
+called out, "Mind you come back again as soon as ever you can."
+
+But the dead silence that followed was more painful and marked than it
+had been before.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+  "The flowers do fade, and wanton fields,
+  To wayward winter reckoning yields,
+  A honey tongue, a heart of gall
+  Is fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall."
+
+  SIR W. RALEIGH.
+
+
+The Sunday after Walter's departure was a very uncomfortable and
+melancholy day. It was very sad to see poor Caroline looking wan and
+suffering, and turning now and then a wistful appealing glance at
+Marian, as if intreating for the help which must not be afforded to
+her; and then at each meeting and parting, Marian was dissatisfied with
+herself for having been rendered stiff and dry instead of tender and
+consoling, by the very wish to be affectionate, which prevented her from
+being at ease. She heard from Clara that Caroline's great desire was to
+be allowed to write to Mr. Faulkner on the subject before she saw him
+again, whilst he was still in London, and that it was this which her
+parents so strongly opposed, convinced that a meeting with him would
+renew all her feelings of attachment. Marian dreaded the same, for she
+could not think Caroline's resolution sufficient to hold out in sight of
+his affection, and of his prepossessing qualities, and at the same time,
+every day that the engagement continued made it more difficult to break
+it off.
+
+One comfort was, however, that Lionel's anxiety and interest in
+Caroline's affairs, were drawing his attention from his own trouble, and
+he was much less irritable and unhappy than before. Perhaps this might
+have been in part owing to his conversations with Walter, who could
+venture on giving him more lessons on the right principle of endurance
+than Marian had ever dared to put before him. She was more pleased than
+she had been for a long time, when as they were walking together in the
+plantations, after evening service, he said with some abruptness and
+yet with some hesitation, "Marian, didn't you once read something with
+Gerald in the morning?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, sure of what the something meant.
+
+"Do you do it still by yourself?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Then I wish----. Would you mind reading to me?"
+
+"The Psalms and Lessons? O, Lionel, I should be so glad I Only could you
+get up in time? for I don't know when to do it except before breakfast."
+
+"To be sure I could get up in time. I only lie in bed because there is
+nothing to do, and nobody to speak to."
+
+"Well then, will you meet me in the schoolroom at eight o'clock in the
+morning?"
+
+"Very well."
+
+No more was said, but Lionel kept his appointment. It was, as Marian
+guessed a recommendation of his brother's. Walter had asked him to get
+one of his sisters to read to him, and Lionel had made the request to
+Marian, as his real sister, though he had never told Walter whether he
+meant to take his advice.
+
+The next Sunday, Marian, on coming down after dressing for dinner, was
+surprised to find Elliot standing by the fire. He just inclined his
+bead, and moved his lips by way of greeting.
+
+"When did you come home?" said she drily.
+
+"Half-an-hour ago."
+
+The answer was brief and with no encouragement to say more. She thought
+he looked dark and moody, and, taking up a book, was silent. The next
+time the door opened, it was Lionel who entered. He frowned and gazed
+up, perceiving the figure but not able to make it out. "Ha, Lionel! How
+d'ye do?" said Elliot in a short, gruff, indifferent voice; without
+moving or attempting to shake hands, without any token that he thought
+of Lionel's misfortune.
+
+Lionel's equally indifferent tone, "How d'ye do?" was sign enough to
+Marian that he was hurt. He came and sat by her, talked fast and low,
+and laughed several times in the constrained manner he used to put on by
+way of bravado; Elliot all the time taking no notice. The others soon
+made their appearance. Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell had seen him before, and to
+his sisters his greeting was much in the same style, hardly vouchsafing
+any recognition of Caroline at all.
+
+The cloud was thicker and darker than ever all dinner time. Mr. and Mrs.
+Lyddell tried in vain to talk, he answered them in a short snappish way
+which he was apt to assume whenever his father made any attempt to check
+his extravagance.
+
+The ladies and Lionel were glad to get into the drawing-room, and leave
+him and his father to themselves. Tea came and they did not appear, ten
+o'clock struck, half-past, and they came not. The ladies were putting
+away their books, and thinking of wishing good night when suddenly the
+door was thrown open, and in tramped Mr. Lyddell, red with passion,
+while behind him came Elliot, with less of violence, but with a dark
+scowl of resentment on his downcast and always unpleasant face.
+
+"Caroline!" began Mr. Lyddell, in a voice of thunder, and great was the
+alarm of all, for her sake, as she turned pale and trembled. "Caroline!
+You have my full consent to do as you please. You may break with
+Faulkner to-morrow, if you like!"
+
+Some discovery! thought Marian, transfixed with wonder and hope;
+Caroline sat still but for her trembling, her face bent down, and her
+hands nervously clasped together.
+
+"Now, sir," proceeded Mr. Lyddell, turning round on Elliot, "you see if
+I am the tyrant you would make me. You see if I am going to force my
+daughter into a marriage against her wish--sacrifice my whole family
+because I have an ill-conditioned scamp of a good-for-nothing son. You
+see."
+
+"I do see, sir," muttered Elliot; "and you'll see whether you like the
+consequences."
+
+Marian thought she had better be out of this family scene, and had her
+hand on the door, but Mr. Lyddell called out "Stay here! Marian! I
+don't care if all the world heard me. He thinks he can threaten me into
+tyranny over her inclinations, and I tell him she is as free as air! I
+vow----."
+
+"Mr. Lyddell! do consider, do think," expostulated his wife; "I daresay
+Elliot was a little too vehement a partizan for his friend----."
+
+"Friend! Pshaw! He care for his friend!" said Mr. Lyddell scornfully.
+"'Tis for himself he is a partizan, I tell you. Nothing else does he
+care a straw for. 'Tis for nothing but the saving of her fortune that he
+would have me persecute his sister into this marriage! Aye! he has the
+face to tell me so! and what more do you think he comes and says to me!
+Why! that Lionel will be nothing but a burthen for ever! A pretty pass
+things are come to when he speaks after that fashion of his own brother!
+He cared for his friend, indeed!"
+
+"No one ever thought of compelling Caroline," pleaded Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"But I tell you he did," interrupted her husband. "I told him I was very
+sorry, but I could not help it; if she would have her own way, I could
+not make her marry the man against her will, and he answers in his
+sneering way that it is all nonsense, he would be bound to make her give
+up in no time--any man could bring a girl to reason. As if I was to
+persecute my daughter to force her into what she tells me is against her
+conscience. Better too much conscience than none at all, I tell you,
+Master Elliot."
+
+"We had better bring this scene to an end, sir," said Elliot sullenly.
+"We understand each other."
+
+So saying, he took up his candle and flung out of the room. The girls
+were but too glad to escape, and Lionel followed them, leaving Mr. and
+Mrs. Lyddell to themselves.
+
+Caroline and Clara both were trembling like aspen leaves, each threw an
+arm round Marian's waist, and leant against her as soon as they were
+out of the room. She had been startled and trembling before, but their
+fright seemed to give her firmness; and it was well, for Caroline's
+knees shook so much, and she was so nervous that she could hardly have
+reached her room without support. Clara began to exclaim, but Marian
+stopped her, made her fetch some camphor julep, helped Caroline to
+undress, and put her to bed. Caroline hardly spoke all the time, but
+as Marian bent over her to kiss her, and wish her good night, she
+whispered, "I may soon be able to have you again, dear Marian!"
+
+Marian went to bed, wondering at all that had passed, indignant with
+Elliot, pleased with Mr. Lyddell, hopeful for Caroline, and cheered by
+finding that she had not been thought unkind.
+
+She heard doors opened and shut, and the trampling of feet the next
+morning, and when Lionel met her in the schoolroom for their reading,
+he told her that be had been overtaken by Elliot running down stairs at
+full speed; and had only just time to clear out of his way. "And hark!
+is not there something at the front door? Look out, Marian."
+
+Marian looked from the window. "Yes! It is his dog-cart. Can he be going
+away, Lionel?"
+
+"Going off in a rage!" said Lionel, looking grave; "I thought there was
+mischief in his voice last night."
+
+"Yes, there is his portmanteau," said Marian, in a tone of
+consternation; for little as she liked Elliot, it was too shocking to
+see a son thus leave his father's roof.
+
+"It is a pretty piece of work," said Lionel. "He has been coming it a
+little too strong for my father, it seems! Well, poor Caroline will be
+let alone, that is one good thing; but I am afraid he will go and get
+into some tremendous scrape, if it is only for the sake of spiting my
+father."
+
+"It is very dreadful!" said Marian, sighing.
+
+"I am very glad my father was so angry, though!" said Lionel. "Wanting
+him to drive poor Caroline into it by unkindness! That was a little too
+bad!"
+
+"Yes, indeed," said Marian. "But O! here he comes out of the door with
+his cigar. He is getting in! There he goes! O, Lionel!"
+
+They both were silent for some little time. Then Marian took up the
+prayer-book, and began the Psalm, and when she heard Lionel's voice
+join in the Doxology, a thrill came home to her, making her feel that
+blindness might yet be indeed the blessing to him that faith taught her
+to know it must be. How much better to be thus than like his brother.
+
+When they met the others at breakfast, it proved that they alone knew of
+the departure; Mr. Lyddell interrogated Elliot's servant, and heard from
+him that he had orders to follow his master to Paris as soon as he had
+packed up his goods. This was all that could be learnt, and all that
+Marian could make out as to what had passed, was that he had been
+strongly averse to Caroline's engagement being broken off, that he
+had tried to induce his father to insist upon it, and to drive her to
+overcome her reluctance by what could be only understood as domestic
+persecution, and that in short he had allowed his unfeeling selfishness
+to appear to such a degree, that it had positively revolted his father,
+whose displeasure had long been excited by the extravagance that had
+been causing serious inconvenience, and who instantly, while under the
+influence of his first indignation, resolved to show that he would
+not be domineered over, nor sacrifice the rest of the family to the
+extravagance which he had already too freely supplied.
+
+Mr. Lyddell had given his consent while angry, and he could not retract
+it when he was cool. Caroline therefore might write her letter as soon
+as she pleased. She had nothing to dread from him; indeed, as if out of
+opposition to Elliot, he was kinder to her than he had ever been before,
+called her "my dear" more than once, and observed on her pale looks. Her
+mother spoke little to her, and that little was cold and unkind, while
+she looked so vexed and unhappy that even Marian had some feeling for
+her, and what must it have been for her own daughter? However, all open
+opposition was withdrawn, and Caroline had only herself to struggle
+with. There was no reason why she should not once more seek comfort from
+Marian, yet all that day she kept at a distance, and it was not till the
+next evening that she came into Marian's room, and sinking into a chair,
+murmured, "I have done it."
+
+"Written your letter?"
+
+"Sent it."
+
+"O, I am so glad!"
+
+"Glad?"
+
+"Yes, but you will be glad when it is over."
+
+"O!" sighed Caroline, incredulously. "You know nothing about it.
+Marian."
+
+"Every one must be glad to have done right," said Marian, firmly.
+
+"O what a week it has been! And I have sown dissension in the family!
+And no one can tell what may be the consequence with Elliot! And he will
+be unhappy! O! Marian--I wish--I wish you had let me go on my own way
+and be miserable alone," added she with a kind of anger.
+
+"It was your own doing," said Marian gently; "you felt it to be right.
+Only worse misery could come of your going on, for that would have been
+positive wrong; now it must and will get better."
+
+"I don't know," sighed Caroline. "I never knew till now how much I cared
+for him! O, Marian!" and she burst into a hearty fit of crying.
+
+Marian was perplexed, as she always was when any one cried, and stood
+without a word till Caroline had relieved herself by tears, and began to
+speak again. It was very sad and melancholy, and it was very difficult
+to find anything to answer; Marian could see no consolation but that
+"it was right," and that did not seem to have much effect on Caroline;
+while, added to the former trouble of renouncing the man who loved her,
+and of grieving her parents, there was the dread of what Elliot might do
+in his anger.
+
+However, the being able to pour everything out to so true a friend was
+more of a comfort than anything that, could have been said to her. She
+told Marian that she had gone through the conversations with her father
+and mother better than she could have thought possible. She could not
+desert poor Walter, that was one thing that helped her, she must stand
+by him, and papa was not half so angry as she expected. It seemed as if
+her strength had grown with each occasion for it. The first effort of
+writing to Walter had cost her most of all, then the allowing him to
+break the matter to her father had been dreadful; but after all, the
+conferences with her parents, singly and together, had not been as bad
+as the fear of them, and Marian tried to persuade her that it would be
+the same when she saw Mr. Faulkner, but poor Caroline shook her head,
+and said Marian knew nothing about it. And Marian was much of the same
+opinion, and held her peace, but before the end of the conversation she
+had the great pleasure of hearing Caroline say, "The thought of being
+able to have you again has been the one great help to me through all!"
+
+Two days after this, as Marian and Lionel were going out riding
+together, Marian exclaimed, "I do believe that is Mr. Faulkner!"
+
+"Where?"
+
+"Riding on the Salisbury road," said Marian; "I am sure it is his
+horse."
+
+"Don't let us meet him! can't we get out of the way?" said Lionel.
+"Aren't we somewhere near the thorny lane?"
+
+"No, but we might ride off on the Down. Only take care, Lionel; you had
+better keep close to me," said Marian, much more unwilling to meet Mr.
+Faulkner than to conduct Lionel through the ups and downs of the green,
+chalky common.
+
+She watched and guided his pony up the bank and upon the Down, and on
+they trotted fast, for Marian was actuated by a very undignified fit
+of terror lest she should meet Mr. Faulkner, towards whom she felt
+positively guilty, nor did she wish to be seen fleeing from him.
+
+"We must be out of sight of the road by this time, aren't we?" said
+Lionel.
+
+"I don't know," Marian turned her head to see. At that moment Lionel's
+pony stepped into a hole, stumbled, and when she looked back again,
+there was Lionel on the ground. Her head swam with fear, but the next
+moment Lionel was on his feet and laughing.
+
+"Not hurt, Lionel! are you sure?"
+
+"Not a bit! Is that Sorrel?"
+
+Sorrel was rushing off with his bridle loose, and Marian began to dread
+having Mr. Faulkner's assistance in catching him. "Stand still, Lionel!"
+she called, and then riding between Sorrel and the road, she managed to
+turn him towards a long hedge that crossed the Down, saw him stop to eat
+a tuft of grass, made a grasp at his bridle, but failed, while he dashed
+off across the Down, happily not towards the road.
+
+She called to Lionel, told him of her ill success, and begged him not to
+move, while she again pursued the runaway, and a long dance he led her,
+far out of sight of Lionel. Once she had considerable hopes, when she
+came in sight of a shepherd boy, who stood in amaze at the lady in chase
+of the runaway steed, then came up with a run to cut off its course, but
+so awkwardly that the pony was still more frightened, and galloped off
+in another direction faster than ever! Poor Marian! However after full
+half an hour, she succeeded in hunting him into a narrow place between
+two fields, ending in a gate, caught safely hold of the rein, kept it
+fast, and at length led Sorrel back in triumph to the spot where poor
+Lionel stood still patiently. She called out to him as soon as she came
+near enough to make her voice heard, and he answered, and walked forward
+to meet the dark shapes, which were all that he could see.
+
+Marian feared that he would be very much mortified at having been
+obliged to remain thus helpless, while a girl was doing what he would
+have so much enjoyed, and she looked anxiously at his face, alas! she
+could look there now without his knowing it. It was disconsolate, but
+the look was not bitter. She held Sorrel while he mounted, and she then
+apologized for having been so long, and said she feared he had thought
+she had forgotten him. He made not much reply, did not even ask how she
+had managed to catch the pony. Marian conducted him safely into the road
+before she would speak again. He did, however, congratulate himself on
+not having been obliged to be beholden to Mr. Faulkner for catching
+the pony, as well as on Sorrel's not having gone home to tell the tale
+himself.
+
+"Yes, indeed, they would have been terribly frightened," said Marian.
+
+"Ay, and if they once knew of my tumble, they would never let us go out
+riding again."
+
+"But, Lionel, we must tell," said Marian.
+
+"Just like a girl!" grumbled Lionel. "Then there's an end of all our
+rides, and all the comfort that I have in life."
+
+"I don't know," said Marian. "At any rate I can't ride with you, I
+should not think it right, unless Mr. Lyddell knew of this fall. It is
+my concern and not yours, for it was all through my carelessness."
+
+"You go on just as if you were a child still," said Lionel, still cross.
+
+"Well, Lionel, I believe the only way is to manage ourselves as if we
+were children still."
+
+"All very fine," was Lionel's surly answer, and they rode on, while
+Marian was very unhappy. She blamed herself for having given way to a
+foolish fit of nervous bashfulness, which had led to what might have
+been a serious accident to her especial charge. It had further made a
+very unpleasant confession needful, and Lionel's vexation and irritation
+seemed to have overcome all his late improvement. The thought of what
+poor Caroline was going through was enough to stifle everything else,
+and Marian wondered at herself, as for a sort of unkindness, in having
+been so fully occupied as to have had no time for anxiety.
+
+Both had been very silent ever since Lionel's reply, until Marian asked
+him to strike his repeater. It was half-past five, and they turned
+homewards, taking a bye road so as to avoid meeting Mr. Faulkner. And
+now Lionel began to talk of Caroline, and wonder how she had sped. He
+seemed to throw off his own private troubles as he talked of hers, and
+his fit of petulance was melting fast away. At last he made up his mind
+to inquire how she had caught Sorrel, and was positively interested in
+the narration, laughing at the idea of the scrape they would have been
+in if Sorrel had made his way to the road, and Mr. Faulkner had caught
+him.
+
+He said no more about the confession, but it was evident that he had
+conquered his annoyance sooner than he had ever done before. Marian had
+not theorized on the matter, but if she had she could not have judged
+better, for Lionel was far better dealt with by being bold and
+uncompromising. It was very strange to have this concern of their own so
+much on their minds when Caroline's fate was at its crisis, yet perhaps
+it was good for Marian to be thus occupied, since she was apt to suffer
+very much from anxiety, as persons of her calm and reserved demeanour
+often do. A sickening, throbbing, trembling feeling came over her,
+making her temples beat and her hands cold, as she came into the house,
+expecting to hear whether Caroline had endured and been true to herself,
+and it was well she had not had longer to suffer from it.
+
+No one was in the drawing-room, and she ran as fast as her trembling
+knees would allow to Caroline's room, knocked, received no answer,
+opened the door, and saw Caroline stretched out on her bed, in a state
+best described by the French word _aneantissement_, for it was not
+fainting, but the sort of prostration consequent on the completion of an
+effort for which she had wound herself up. She was very pale, her eyes
+were shut, and her breath came short. Marian stood watching her in
+alarm, wondering whether to speak, and how. At last Caroline looked up,
+held out her hand, and drew Marian down on her knees till her face was
+level with hers, then put her arm round her neck.
+
+"Dear Caroline!" said Marian, though it was not easy to say anything,
+"you will be happier now."
+
+A more caressing person would have been much more at ease herself and
+given more comfort to Caroline, that must be confessed, but as there was
+no one else to be had, Marian was obliged to do her best, and this was
+to kiss Caroline timidly and say, "I am so glad you have done right."
+
+But Caroline only hid her face at the word _glad_ and murmured, "You
+never did him justice! You never did!"
+
+"If it had not been for the want of that one thing he would have been
+all right," said Marian.
+
+"O, he is very noble! he has such a mind! such--such--O, he loved me so
+much," and Caroline fell into a paroxysm of silent misery. Marian began
+to dread lest the parting had not been final, and though doubtful
+whether she ought to ask, could not help saying, "But is it over?"
+
+"Yes, yes; you have your wish, Marian. It is done! He is angry with me
+now! It is over, and I am wretched for life!"
+
+"Not so wretched as if you had done wrong." said Marian. Caroline did
+not turn away this time, and Marian gathered courage to say, "You have
+persevered, and now there will be comfort. There will always be comfort
+in knowing you have tried to do right. Walter will be so glad, and so
+will Lionel."
+
+"Lionel," repeated Caroline.
+
+"Yes, he has been very anxious about you."
+
+"Poor boy!" sighed Caroline. "Well, Marian, there is one thing still to
+be done. Only one, and it is all that I shall live for. I shall devote
+myself to him, if I can but do anything to please him, and make him care
+for me when you are gone. It will be my one object."
+
+"Yes," said Marian, "it will be very good for you both."
+
+They were interrupted by Clara, who came in, dressed for dinner, pitying
+Caroline, and telling Marian it was very late. Caroline sat up, but she
+had a violent nervous headache, and they both persuaded her to lie down
+again.
+
+Marian ran off to dress, and though the dinner-bell rang in the midst
+of her hurried toilette, came back to look at Caroline, beg her to keep
+quiet, and promise to come up as soon as dinner was over. As she went
+down, the other trouble of having to confess their adventure came over
+her, but she was resolute, in spite of the want of favour with which she
+knew she was regarded.
+
+Want of favour, evident from the scrupulous formality with which she was
+treated; for if she had been like a daughter of the house, as she ought
+to have been, would they have waited dinner for her, and let her find
+them all looking uncomfortable and expectant in the drawing-room? They
+went into the dining-room; there was a silent, formal dinner, nothing
+like a family party. As soon as the servants had left the room. Marian
+quailing secretly, not from fear of Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell, but lest
+Lionel should lose his rides, began, "I have a confession to make, Mr.
+Lyddell," and told the story of the accident, explaining how it was
+entirely caused by her carelessness.
+
+Exclamations and inquiries arose, and Mrs. Lyddell certified herself by
+several questions that Lionel had not been hurt, but not one of them was
+addressed to Marian. It was as if this was only one among many injuries,
+too frequent for a reproach more or less to be needed. Mr. Lyddell did
+not take it half so much to heart, and no prohibition against future
+rides was issued, for the truth was that no one liked to mortify Lionel.
+It was exactly one of the cases in which the whole danger is not
+conquered, because it melts at the very aspect of moral courage.
+
+It was not comfortable to have to walk away to Caroline, knowing how
+much she had displeased Mrs. Lyddell; but it must be done, and it was,
+at least, agreeable to leave these cold looks. She found Caroline
+better, and able to tell her something of what had passed. At first Mr.
+Faulkner would not believe her to be in earnest, and had imagined this
+was a way of showing her displeasure at his long absence, or some
+trifling "lovers' quarrel;" but when he found that she really meant
+what she said, and her tears and stifled whispers alike announced her
+adherence to what she had expressed in her letter, he became extremely
+angry, thought himself, (as indeed he might with some justice) very
+ill-used, and though he had retained his gentlemanlike manner and
+language, had pretty plainly expressed that Miss Lyddell should have
+known her own mind. Poor Caroline wept bitterly, beseeching that they
+might not part in anger, but he disavowed all irritation, and took a
+cold, courteous leave, which wounded her more than all.
+
+Marian could not easily sympathise with regrets for such a lover, but
+she liked to magnify the sacrifice in order to admire it more, and
+greatly rejoiced in being able to give full admiration to one whom she
+had learnt to love so heartily as Caroline. Such a triumph over natural
+timidity and feebleness of character was indeed a great and gallant
+thing, and Marian used to muse and wonder at it in her solitary hours.
+There was still much to suffer externally as well as internally; there
+was the return of letters and presents, with all their associations;
+there was the feeling of the pain and offence given to Lady Julia and
+her daughters; there was the perception of the opinions of the world,
+and the certainty that all the gossips of the neighbourhood were busy
+with their conjectures; there was the continued anxiety about Elliot,
+and the marked vexation and displeasure of Mrs. Lyddell, who treated
+Caroline as one who had disappointed all her best hopes.
+
+Under all this there was only Marian to sustain Caroline, and their
+friendship was an additional offence. Marian knew that Mrs. Lyddell
+regarded her as the head of a hostile party, and a sower of dissension
+in the family, by no means an agreeable footing on which to stand; but
+the only way, was to appear completely unconscious, and behave as far as
+possible as usual. She was grateful to them for making it no worse, and
+still more for not having objected to her continuing her rides with
+Lionel, from whom, it may well be believed, she scarcely ever took her
+eyes, from the time his foot was in the stirrup.
+
+Lionel was triumphant at the dismissal of "Julian the apostate," but he
+was disappointed to find that Caroline did not recover her spirits "now
+she had had her own way, and got rid of the man." He did not like to
+have her presence announced by a sigh, and to hear the subdued, dejected
+tone of her voice, and he used to wonder over it with Marian, who
+laughed at him for fancying it was such an easy matter to part with a
+lover, yet agreed that it was hard to understand how there could be love
+where there was no esteem. Lionel used to consult her as to what was to
+be done to cheer his sister, since his mother would only make everything
+worse and he could not bear her continued melancholy.
+
+"I do believe, Lionel," said Marian, "that you could do more for her
+than any body else. If you would but sometimes let her do things for
+you, ask her to help you, as--as you ask me."
+
+Lionel would not take the suggestion as she wished. "I thought you liked
+to help me," said he, in a somewhat offended tone.
+
+"O, don't I?" cried Marian, eagerly; "but so does every one, if you
+would only allow them."
+
+Lionel flourished the little switch in his hand till it made an
+ill-tempered "_swish!_" and Marian knew that he thought her ungrateful
+for the exclusive preference with which he honoured her.
+
+"She is your sister," she added.
+
+"Very well," said Lionel, crossly shaking off her arm, "I shall know
+what to be at, if you are tired of helping me."
+
+He could not see the tears in her eyes, and though she was extremely
+grieved, her voice did not betray how strong her feeling was. "Tired!
+O Lionel, how can you think it? But would it not be better to learn to
+depend less on me against I go away?"
+
+"Ay, and glad enough you'll be to go."
+
+"For all but your sake and poor Caroline's," said Marian. "Mrs. Lyddell
+does not like to have me here."
+
+"It would not be fair to want to keep you," said Lionel, "but----"
+
+"I should have much more comfort in going if I thought you and Caroline
+were helping each other," said Marian. "I know she wants to make you her
+first object."
+
+Lionel made no answer nor any change in his ways for some days, yet
+sometimes it seemed, as if when he thought of it, he was more willing
+to allow Caroline to do him some of the small services which his fast
+increasing blindness rendered necessary. Caroline being more dexterous
+and neat-handed than Marian, did them well, and then Marian was vexed
+with herself for a few feelings like annoyance at not being equally
+necessary to Lionel, but she persevered, encouraged by seeing the
+comfort that each approach on his part seemed to give his sister. It was
+the hardest thing Marian had ever had to do, to give up the being first
+with him, as she must cease to be when the natural affection of the
+brother and sister was called into play. But it was right, and she would
+bear it. She thought it right as well as very pleasant to accept an
+invitation from the Wortleys to come and spend the Christmas holidays
+with them, joining her brother on the railroad, and meeting Edmund at
+Fern Torr. The repose would be beyond everything delightful, and no less
+so, the being in a house where her presence was welcome to every member
+of the family. Besides, she longed to see and to talk to Agnes, and the
+more she thought of her promised visit the more she enjoyed it.
+
+Caroline and Lionel both were very sorry to part with her, and jointly
+and separately lamented her going; but Caroline blamed herself for
+selfishness in wishing to keep her, and perceived that it would be a
+good thing that her brother should begin to be weaned from his sole
+dependance upon her, while Lionel seemed half afraid to trust her to
+depart, lest she should never return, and insisted on half a dozen
+promises that she would come back at the end of Gerald's holidays.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+  "They made a famous procession
+  My good little women and men;
+  Such a sight was never seen before
+  And never will again."
+
+  SOUTHEY.
+
+
+A division of a first-class carriage, occupied only by Gerald, received
+Marian at the station, and first she had to be shown the hat, cloak, and
+umbrella with which he had constructed an effigy, which, as he firmly
+believed, had frightened away all who had thought of taking a seat in
+it.
+
+"Thinking you a mad monkey, and that your keeper," said Marian, looking
+proudly at the handsome face and dancing black eyes of her beautiful
+brother. "Why! how you are grown, Gerald! Do stand up, and let me see if
+you are not taller than I am."
+
+"No, not quite so tall, unless it is your bonnet," said Gerald, after
+craning up his neck in vain.
+
+"At any rate, you are taller than Lionel. He only comes up to my ear,"
+said Marian.
+
+"Poor Lionel! How are his eyes?"
+
+"O Gerald, it is very sad. He has very little sight left. I believe he
+finds his way about quite by feeling now. It has grown worse so much
+faster in these last three weeks."
+
+"Poor fellow! What can he do all day?"
+
+A long description followed, and then Gerald wanted to hear all about
+Caroline, and what Marian thought fit to tell him, together with his
+comments, lasted till, in spite of his effigy, a lady made an entrance,
+and for some time Gerald was reduced to silence, and as he sat on the
+same side, to making horrible sidelong scowls at her, out of her sight,
+which sorely tried his sister's propriety of countenance.
+
+The tongues of two such happy people could not long, however, continue
+tied, and presently Gerald rattled off into a history of his sporting
+adventures in Scotland, as if he would detail every shot. The narration
+was endless, and very tiresome it would have been to any woman but a
+sister, and a sister who had so much of the hunter spirit in her as
+Marian; but she listened and sympathised with all her heart and soul,
+and understood why such a shot was a good one, and why such another
+failed, and was absorbed in the interest of the attempt to recover a
+wounded bird when the retriever was stupid, long after the intruder had
+made her exit, and they might have returned to matters touching her more
+closely, though regarded by Gerald as hardly equal in importance to roe
+deer, salmon, and grouse.
+
+They were on Devonshire ground before they ever began to rejoice over
+Edmund's engagement, and from thence to talk of Edmund himself. Gerald
+pronounced many an eulogium on him, in which praises of his excellence
+as a fisherman and sportsman were strangely mixed with a real genuine
+appreciation of his goodness and superiority.
+
+"'Tis a capital thing that he is come home to stay," said Gerald,
+heartily.
+
+"Isn't it?"
+
+"I like him specially," said Gerald. "Do you know he showed me some of
+my father's letters."
+
+"Did he indeed?"
+
+"That he did. It was before I was born, when he thought he was going to
+have Fern Torr and all, he had rather an idle fit, and these were what
+papa wrote to him."
+
+"Was Edmund ever idle?" exclaimed Marian, falling into a reverie of
+wonder whether this did not make it more hopeful for Gerald.
+
+"I am very glad he has got this money," proceeded Gerald. "I only wish
+it was more. One letter he showed me that was best of all. It was from
+my father when I was born. You can't think what a nice letter it was.
+There was something about its being a disappointment to him--to Edmund,
+I mean, but how papa cared for him as much as ever, and thought after
+all it might be better for him in the end. And then, Marian, papa said
+he could hardly expect to live till I was grown up, and he asked Edmund
+to be my godfather, and said he trusted to him to be like an elder
+brother to us."
+
+"That he is!" murmured Marian.
+
+"Edmund said he wished me to read it that I might not think him
+interfering."
+
+"You never could have thought so!"
+
+"I don't know. I could not have stood it from some people, but I could
+see the sense of what Edmund said."
+
+Without entering into particulars, Gerald was now all freedom and
+openness, casting quite away the restraint that had so long grieved his
+sister. How happy she was!
+
+Mr. Wortley himself met them at Exeter, and in spite of the early
+darkness of the winter day, Charles and James met them at the foot of
+Blackstone hill, and Edmund and Agnes were a little further on.
+
+What a happy greeting it was! Marian and Gerald would jump out and walk
+home with them, the boys ran and called in the dark, the stars came out
+overhead, the tall hedges kept out all the glimmering light, splashes
+alone made them aware of the puddles; but on the happy party tramped,
+all talking an unmitigated flow of merry nonsense, laughing and enjoying
+it, all the more the darker and stranger it grew, and merrier than all,
+when they got home, at Mrs. Wortley's dismay at their having dragged
+Marian a mile and a half, in the dark and dirt, after her long journey.
+"Pretty guardians to have the care of her!"
+
+All the evening again there was nothing but fun and joyousness, fun of
+the brightest, happiest kind, positively wild in the three boys, and
+Edmund not much less so, the girls weary with laughing, and contributing
+their share to the sport. A person must have lived like Marian, pent up
+by formalities and the certainty of being disliked, to know what was
+the enjoyment of the perfect liberty and absence from constraint, the
+thorough home-like feeling of every one loving and understanding each
+other, which existed at Fern Torr. How delightful it was to have no
+heart achings for Gerald, to see Edmund just like his old self, and the
+dear Agnes, so very lovely and bright! so very unlike her only former
+experience of betrothed lovers. It was no small happiness to the Fern
+Torr party to have one so prized and loved as Marian to rejoice with
+them, indeed, all this evening every one was too joyous to dwell on any
+of the causes of their felicity, it was nothing but high spirits, and
+unreflective mirth.
+
+When they had bidden each other good night, and were gone up stairs,
+there was more of gravity and thought. Marian and Agnes could have sat
+up talking half the night, if Mrs. Wortley would have allowed them, but
+she said Marian must have time to rest, and ruthlessly condemned her to
+bed.
+
+Never did Marian spend so happy a Christmas. There was plenty of depth
+and earnestness in her _tete-a-tetes_ with Agnes, when they talked
+over the wonders that had happened to them both, and always ended by
+returning to recollections of happy old days before Marian left
+Fern Torr, when Edmund had been the prime mover of every delightful
+adventure. Marian was as good as a sister to each of the lovers, so
+heartily did she help each one to admire the other. Or when they were
+"lovering," as the boys chose to call their interminable wanderings in
+the manor gardens, Marian used to be extremely happy with Mrs. Wortley,
+talking over the history of the engagement, and settling how and when
+the love began. Mr. Wortley suggested that the first attraction had been
+Agnes' unmitigated horror of the Lyddells, which he declared had won Mr.
+Arundel's heart, though he never owned how much he participated in it.
+It needs not to be stated how Edmund's noble behaviour was appreciated,
+more especially after the new lights which Marian was able to throw upon
+it.
+
+Then came the discussion of the plans for the house which Edmund was to
+build, on a farm, which had come into the market at the very nick of
+time, just on the other side of the hill, and in Fern Torr parish.
+Marian and Gerald were taken the first day to look and advise whether
+the new house should be on the old site, or under the shelter of a great
+old slate quarry, crested with a wood, a beautiful view spread before
+it, and capacities for making the loveliest garden that was ever seen.
+
+Edmund sketched house and garden in every possible point of view, each
+prettier than the other, and all the young gave their voices eagerly for
+the quarry, while the old protested on the difficulty of getting so far
+up the hill, and suggested damp. But the young carried the day, and the
+plans were drawn and debated on a dozen times in twenty-four hours,
+always including the prettiest of little sitting-rooms for Marian, with
+a window opening into the garden, and a door into the drawing-room, and
+then came letters to architects and calculations with builders, and
+reckonings that the house should be habitable by next September, and Mr.
+Wortley laughing at their credulity for expecting it.
+
+Marian was surprised to find how far away and secondary seemed the
+thoughts that had of late engrossed her entirely. She wondered to
+discover how little her mind had been occupied with Caroline and Lionel,
+fond as she was of them and very anxious about them. This was so very
+different a world! and she felt so much more as if she belonged to it.
+She obtained from Agnes some admiration for Caroline's conduct, though
+in somewhat of the "better late than never" style, and at the price of
+warm abuse of the parents, in which Marian was not indisposed to join.
+
+Caroline wrote nearly every day, saying that she missed Marian
+dreadfully, and that her letters were the only comfort she had; she
+would not wish her back again, for that would be selfish, but it would
+be a joyful day when she returned. These constant letters, which Marian
+always kept to herself, rather surprised the Wortleys, but Edmund could
+better guess at her position. "Depend upon it," he said to Agnes, "it is
+she who has saved Miss Lyddell."
+
+"O, Edmund! do you think so? I wanted to have thought so, but she says
+it was the brother."
+
+"He took the steps which would not have become Marian, but Walter
+Lyddell could never have moved without his sister, and where could she
+have found the principle but in Marian? I see now that her perseverance
+in right is beginning to tell on those around her, in spite of all
+untoward circumstances."
+
+"I don't know anything like Marian!" said Agnes. "How very fine her
+countenance is!"
+
+"That steadfast brow and lip."
+
+"I saw her yesterday standing on the edge of a rock looking out on the
+view, and she was like some statue of Fortitude."
+
+"Yes, Marian is a grand creature," said Edmund; "so strong and firm, yet
+with such feminine, retiring strength. There are still prejudices
+and little roughnesses, but I doubt whether they have not been her
+safeguard, outworks to secure the building, and I think they are
+disappearing with the occasion."
+
+"Ah! papa and mamma think her very much softened down."
+
+"She has had a very hard part to act, and her shyness and rigidity have
+been great helps to her, but I am glad to see them wearing away, and
+especially pleasant it is to see her expand and show her true self
+here."
+
+"And to know she may soon be free of them all for ever!" said Agnes.
+
+The time when Marian was to be free of them for ever, as Agnes said,
+was to be the next summer. Edmund and Agnes were to be married in July,
+Marian would then come to Fern Torr, and comfort Mrs. Wortley for losing
+her daughter, till the holidays began, when Edmund and Agnes would
+return, and some undefined scheme of delight was to be settled on for
+Gerald's holidays, until the house should be ready. Gerald was in the
+meantime very agreeable and satisfactory on the whole. He was too busy
+drawing varieties of stables for Edmund, to talk about his own, and
+marvellous were the portraits of the inhabitants with which he would
+decorate Edmund's elevations, whenever he found them straying about
+the room. Very mischievous indeed was the young gentleman, and Marian
+considered him to have been "a great deal too bad" when on a neat,
+finished plan, just prepared to be sent to the builder, she found
+unmistakeable likenesses of the whole Wortley family, herself and
+Gerald, assembled round a great bowl of punch, large enough to drown
+them all, drinking to the health of Edmund and Agnes, who were riding in
+at the gate, pillion fashion, supposed to be returning after the honey
+moon, which in one corner of the picture was represented in a most
+waning state, but the man in the moon squinting down at them with a
+peculiarly benignant expression of countenance.
+
+Marian was very angry, but Edmund and Agnes would do nothing but laugh,
+though the whole plan had to be drawn over again, and Edmund was kept at
+work with ruler, scale, and compasses the whole evening, Marian scolding
+Gerald all the time, and Edmund too, for spoiling him, thinking her
+cousin the most heroically good natured and good tempered man in the
+world to bear with such an idle monkey, and laugh at the waste of time
+and trouble; and getting at last a glimmering perception that these
+tricks, thus met, were the greatest proof of good understanding and
+friendship. It ended in Gerald's inking in the plan, of his own free
+will, and very neatly, and getting up at six, the next morning, to ride
+to Exeter, in the dark cold misty December twilight, to take it to the
+builder, that no time might be lost; indeed, as he boasted, it was there
+a quarter of an hour before it would have come by post, as it would have
+done had it gone yesterday.
+
+Gerald's studies were not extensive, but Edmund, by some magic secret,
+unknown to Marian, made him read history to himself for a short space
+every morning. The sporting paper had disappeared, and nothing was heard
+of Elliot or of Queen Pomare, while though he could not yet go the
+length of talking to the poor people himself, he stood by very civilly
+while Edmund talked to them.
+
+The first ten days of Marian's stay had thus passed, when Caroline one
+day mentioned in her letter that mamma had a regularly bad influenza
+cold, and was quite laid up. It was aggravated, Caroline said, by the
+distress they were all in about Elliot. "But you will hear enough of
+this when you come back," wrote she, "so I will not grieve you with
+it now; though it is an additional load upon my mind--an additional
+offence, I fear, in poor mamma's eyes, since all this would not have
+come to light had I persisted. But you must not think I am repenting,
+for I never was further from regretting what I have done. The different
+spirit in which I could come to this Christmas feast, is a blessing to
+be purchased at any price, even at such wretchedness as it has been this
+autumn; and most earnestly do I thank you, dearest Marian. I can thank
+you by letter, though we never can speak of such things. Yes, I thank
+you. I regret nothing but my previous folly and weakness, and bitterly
+do I suffer for them; though all is better now, and Christmas has
+brought me peace and calm. It is as if the storm was lulled at last, and
+nothing left but dreariness, and the longing to be at rest. How bright
+the world was before me not a year ago! and now how worn out it
+seems,--only three comforts left in it, you, and Walter, and poor
+Lionel. For Lionel is a comfort; he is very kind and considerate, and, I
+do believe, softens mamma towards me. I suppose it is best for us that
+our hearts should have no home but one above; and if I was sure it was
+not disgust and disappointment, I should hope I was seeking one there;
+for I know the only feeling of rest and refreshment is in turning
+thither, and surely that must come from the FATHER, Who is ready to
+receive me. But I must leave off, for mamma is too unwell to be long
+left.
+
+"Your most affectionate
+
+"CAROLINE LYDDELL."
+
+
+After this, the letters, hitherto constant, ceased entirely, and Marian
+grew very uneasy. Her mother had died of influenza, so that the name
+gave her a fatal impression; and she dreaded to hear that Mrs. Lyddell
+was very ill, or that Caroline was ill herself. Another week, and at
+length she heard from Clara, in answer to a letter of inquiry, and to
+fix the day of her return.
+
+
+  "Oakworthy, Jan. 7th.
+
+  "MY DEAR MARIAN,--Caroline desires me to write to
+  tell you, with her love, that she has this horrid influenza, and
+  has been in bed since Monday. She is very feverish, and
+  her throat so sore that she can hardly speak or swallow.
+  Sarah sat up with her last night, and I think she is a little
+  better this morning. Mamma is better, but only gets up for
+  a little while in the evening, and cannot leave her room. I
+  wish you were at home, for I don't know what to do: I am
+  running backwards and forwards between the two rooms all
+  day, and poor Lionel is so forlorn and solitary down stairs,
+  with only papa. There!--that great blot was a tear, for I
+  am so worn out with fatigue and nursing, that I am almost
+  overcome. This winter I was to have come out,--how very
+  different! I forgot to tell you, after all, that the carriage
+  shall meet you, as you mention, on the 15th. I wish it was
+  directly; they will be all well by the time you come. But
+  it is so very forlorn, and I am so nervous; so excuse this
+  scrawl.
+
+  "Your affectionate cousin,
+
+  "CLARA LYDDELL."
+
+As soon as Marian read this letter, she gave it to Edmund, saying, "I
+think I had better go home."
+
+"O, Marian, you must not cheat us!" cried Agnes.
+
+"I think they would be very glad of you," said Edmund, and withal
+Marian's mind was made up, and she withstood all the persuasions
+of Gerald and Agnes that it was nothing--nonsense--only Clara's
+dismality--they would laugh at her for coming for nothing. No; Marian
+knew she was no nurse, but she could not bear to think of Lionel left to
+his blindness and helplessness, still less of Caroline, ill, and with no
+one to cheer her. She was sure she was wanted by those two at least, and
+she resolved that she would be at Oakworthy to-morrow evening, wrote
+notice of her intention to Clara, and prepared for her journey, giving
+up that precious last week, so prized because it was the last. She could
+go alone with her maid; there was no use in spoiling Gerald's holidays;
+so he would stay for all the delights that she gave up, ruining all by
+her absence, as every one declared.
+
+Agnes grumbled and scolded her to her face, but made up for it out of
+hearing, by admiring her more than ever. Mr. and Mrs. Wortley gave her
+silent approval, and the boys would not wish her a pleasant journey. She
+was ready early the next morning, and once more left Fern Torr, bright
+with the promise that, when she was there next, it would be no more a
+guest.
+
+She prosperously arrived at the station nearest Oakworthy, and soon saw
+the servant waiting for her. "Is Miss Lyddell better?"
+
+"A little better than last night, ma'am. Mr. Lionel is in the carriage."
+
+Marian had not at all expected any one to meet her, especially Lionel,
+coming all this distance in silence and darkness. She hastened to the
+carriage, and saw him leaning forward, listening for her. His face
+lighted up at her, "Well, Lionel," and he fairly hurt her, by the
+tightness of his grasp, when once he had met her hand. "So, you're come!
+What a time it has been since you went! Now you are come, I don't care."
+
+"And how are you?" she asked anxiously.
+
+"Bad enough to be going back to the oculist next week," he answered; "I
+can't even see the light."
+
+A long silence; then, "How is Caroline?"
+
+"Pretty much the same; it is a bad, feverish cold, and shocking throat.
+She breathes as if she was half stifled, and can hardly speak."
+
+"I suppose she has Mr. Wells?"
+
+"Yes, two or three times a day,"
+
+"And Mrs. Lyddell is better?"
+
+"Better, but not out of her room. It has been a tolerable state of
+things of late. Not a creature to speak to, except, now and then, Clara
+coming down to maunder and sigh over all she has to do, and my father,
+who has been thoroughly in a rage about Elliot. Do you know about all
+that, Marian?"
+
+"No," she answered.
+
+"It is out now, why he was so set upon Caroline's marriage, he had got
+Faulkner to back a bill for him; you don't know what that means, I
+suppose," said Lionel, with his old superior manner;--"made him engage
+that the money Elliot borrowed should be paid. There was to be some
+shuffle between them about her fortune it seems; so after the engagement
+was off, when the bill became due, Faulkner sent the holder of it to
+my father for the money and the news of this set on all the other
+creditors. No end of bills coming in, and he has been pretty nearly
+crazy among them; says we shall be beggars, and I don't know what all! I
+vow, it is my old plan coming right!" cried Lionel vehemently. "If the
+man in London can but set my eyes to rights, I'd be off to Australia
+to-morrow, instead of staying here to make all worse. Well, it's no use
+thinking of it: if ever I make my fortune now, it will be with a dog in
+a string, and a hat in his mouth."
+
+"But go on, Lionel; are the debts so very bad?"
+
+"I believe they are indeed, and no one knows the worst of them yet. No
+wonder Elliot was off to Paris in such a hurry, like a coward as he is,
+no one knows how he is ever to come back! And worst of all is to have
+mamma going about saying 'tis Caroline's fault! Hadn't I rather come to
+the hat and dog in good earnest than to see her marry that man? Why,
+Marian, he is actually engaged to Miss Dashwood! What do you say to
+that? To the Radical Dashwood's daughter that behaved so shamefully to
+papa!"
+
+"The daughter?"
+
+"No, the man. Fit company for the apostate, isn't it? He had better have
+begun with her. Fine love his must have been. Only six weeks. Should not
+that cure Caroline?"
+
+"Has she heard it?"
+
+"No, we have only known it since she was ill, and Clara thought she had
+better not tell her."
+
+"Very right of Clara," said Marian; "but I think she will be glad, when
+she is well enough to be told."
+
+Fast and eagerly did Marian and Lionel talk all the way, sometimes
+gravely and sorrowfully about Elliot and Caroline, sometimes cheerfully
+about Fern Torr, Edmund, and Gerald, of whom Lionel wanted much to hear.
+He clapped his hands, and danced himself up and down with ecstasy at the
+history of Gerald's embellishments of the plans, vowed that Gerald was a
+Trojan, and that it was as good as Beauty and the Beast, and seemed to
+be enjoying a perfect holiday in having some one to speak to again.
+"But," he said, "what a horrid bore it must have been to you to come
+away!"
+
+"I thought I might be some help to Clara."
+
+"Did she make you think Caroline so very ill? Mr. Wells says it is only
+a very bad cold. But I am very glad you are come."
+
+Clara met Marian in the hall. "O Marian, I am glad you are come, but
+I am sorry you came home in such a hurry. Mamma says there was no
+occasion, and that I need not have frightened you, for it is only a bad
+attack of influenza."
+
+"Then I hope Caroline Is better."
+
+"Yes, rather, and she will be so glad to see you. Come to her at once,
+won't you? she heard the carriage, and is watching for you."
+
+Marian hastily followed Clara to Caroline's room. In a few seconds both
+Caroline's arms were thrown round her neck, and a burning feverish face
+pressed to hers, then as she raised herself again, one of her hands
+still held fast, and Caroline lay looking up to her with an expression
+of relief and comfort. "Thank you," she murmured, in a hoarse low
+painful whisper, the sound of which gave an impression of dismay to
+Marian. Caroline was far worse than she had been prepared to sec her.
+That loud, oppressed, gasping breathing, the burning fever of hands and
+cheek, the parched lips,--this was far more than ordinary influenza.
+Marian stood watching her a little while; speaking now and then, until
+she closed her eyes in weariness, not for sleep, when she was about to
+leave the room, but Caroline looked up again anxiously and restlessly,
+and tried to say, "Come back."
+
+"Yes, I'll come in a moment," said Marian, "I'll only just take off my
+bonnet, and go and see Mrs. Lyddell, if I may."
+
+"O, yes, she is up, she knows you are come," said Clara, and Marian was
+presently knocking at Mrs. Lyddell's door.
+
+She found her sitting by the fire in a large easy chair, in her
+dressing-gown and shawl, and was surprised at the first sight of her
+too, for that very weakening complaint, the influenza, had made a great
+change in her, perhaps assisted by all that she had gone through during
+the last summer and autumn, beginning with the parting with John, the
+grief and anxiety for Lionel, the disappointment and warfare with
+Caroline, and worse than all, the discoveries respecting her eldest and
+favourite son. She looked a dozen years older, all the clearness of her
+complexion was gone, and the colouring that remained, as if ingrained,
+was worse than paleness; her hand shook with weakness, and the only
+trace of her prompt, decided activity was in the nervous agitation of
+her movements, and the querulous sharpness of her tones, as if her
+weakness was irritating to her.
+
+"Marian, how are you? I am sorry you have cut short your visit to
+come back to a sick house. I am afraid Clara has been alarming you
+needlessly."
+
+"I am very sorry to find you so unwell," said Marian; "I thought Clara
+would want some help."
+
+"Thank you, it was very kind," said Mrs. Lyddell, rather sharply, as if
+her thanks were only for form's sake. "Have you seen Caroline?"
+
+"Yes, and I am afraid she is very ill. Such a terrible oppression on her
+breath."
+
+"Ah! so Clara says. Mr. Wells has been applying mustard poultices."
+
+"Have you had no further advice?" said Marian.
+
+"No. He managed me very well; he is perfectly competent to attend an
+influenza such as this--a very simple affair."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was evidently under the unreasonable infatuation that so
+many people are subject to, who will go on trusting their favourite
+apothecary, in spite of proofs that he is not to be trusted; but Marian,
+in her short life, had heard a good deal of doctors, and whether
+reasonably or not, had imbibed a distrust of country practitioners,
+which Lionel's misfortune had not tended to remove in Mr. Wells' case.
+Indeed, she had a particular dislike to the man, with his soft manner,
+love of set speeches and fine words, and resolution not to own that
+anything was the matter. There were stories abroad in the neighbourhood
+of his treating cases wrongly because he would not own they were beyond
+his skill.
+
+"Mrs. Lyddell," said she, very earnestly, "I do believe that Caroline is
+very ill. I think her throat is in a very alarming state, and I should
+not be at all satisfied to go on with no further advice."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell made some answer about girls being easily frightened, and
+Marian went back to Caroline, very unhappy and anxious, and trying to
+find comfort by telling herself that the cure does not depend alone on
+the physician.
+
+However, the words she had spoken were not without effect. Mrs.
+Lyddell's answer had been prompted by her first impulse of dislike and
+opposition, as if Marian was taking still further upon her; but she
+became very anxious when left alone. She thought that Marian's fresh eye
+might be better able to judge of the degree of Caroline's illness; she
+remembered how she had reproached herself about Lionel, and at last
+worked herself into such a state of alarm and anxiety, that though she
+had not yet walked further than to the window, she rose, left her room,
+and presently was by her daughter's bed-side.
+
+There needed no more to convince her that Caroline was excessively ill,
+and quick and prompt as ever, her first measure was to send Clara for
+her father, and hold a consultation with him outside the door; a message
+was despatched to hasten Mr. Wells, and the result was that a physician
+was sent for. Marian, who had all this time been watching the severe
+suffering, unable to do the least thing to alleviate it, was almost as
+glad as if she had been told of Caroline's certain recovery. She had
+again to tell herself not to put her trust in physicians.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+  "Preach, read, and study as we will,
+  Death is the mighty teacher still."
+
+  _Baptistery_.
+
+
+Caroline continued very ill all the evening, hardly able to to look up,
+and every attempt to speak or swallow causing her great pain. Her mother
+would not leave her again, and sat watching her, and she smiled, and
+gave a pleased look of surprise at her kindness, which she had so long
+missed; but her chief comfort seemed to be in Marian's presence. She
+followed her about the room with her eyes, and was uneasy whenever she
+fancied that she was going out of the room.
+
+She was not told that the physician was coming till he was actually
+in the house, and then she gave Marian a quick, sharp look of alarmed
+inquiry; but Marian was not able to answer, as she had to leave her to
+his visit. When it was over, and Marian returned, while Mrs. Lyddell
+went to hear his opinion, Caroline was striving hard to speak. Marian
+bent over her, and at last heard one word gasped out--"Walter."
+
+"Yes, I will tell Mr. Lyddell; he shall be sent for, dearest," said
+Marian; and Caroline seemed satisfied.
+
+It was long before Marian had an opportunity of hearing what the
+physician's opinion had been, and there was little comfort in it. It was
+a very severe case of inflammation in the windpipe, and the only hope of
+subduing it was in instant recourse to strong remedies. How badly it
+was thought of she saw plainly enough, without words, in Mr. Lyddell's
+restless, hasty manner, and in the exertions which Mrs. Lyddell was
+allowed to make, at a time when she ought to have been in her bed. The
+worst sign of all was, it seemed to her, that as soon as she mentioned
+Caroline's wish to see Walter, Mr. Lyddell took measures for sending a
+letter at once by the railroad, instead of waiting for the post, which
+would have made a delay of two days.
+
+Lionel sat meanwhile, by himself in the drawing room, or was found
+wandering on the stairs, anxiously listening. Marian came on him once,
+and had exclaimed at finding him in the dark, before she remembered that
+it made no difference to him. She was in haste to fetch something
+for Caroline and could do nothing for him but say the sad words, "No
+better."
+
+All night Mrs. Lyddell and Marian stayed with Caroline; the one because
+she could not bear to go, the other because she could not be spared.
+Mrs. Lyddell would not acknowledge the extent of the danger to herself,
+far less allow any hint of it to come to Caroline; and for this Marian
+was sorry, though she was sure that Caroline was conscious of it
+herself; but with Mrs. Lyddell always present, it was impossible to read
+any of the things that would have been the only support at such a time.
+Poor Caroline could not speak to ask for them, and as if her mother
+feared they would bring death, she seemed to be watching Marian
+jealously to prevent the least approach to them.
+
+It was a terrible night; the applications did nothing but cause
+suffering, instead of removing the disorder,--the oppression grew more
+and more severe,--each breath more painful; the two watchers hardly
+dared to meet each other's eyes, and Caroline was in too much pain,
+too oppressed and overwhelmed, to give any token how far the mind and
+thought was awake within her. Such another day succeeded, every hour
+extinguishing some faint hope, and bringing the dread certainty more
+fully upon them. There was little or nothing to be done: they could only
+watch the sufferer, and try to glean her wishes from her looks; but
+these usually expressed more of pain than aught else, and no one could
+tell whether the ear and thought were free. One, at least, who sat
+beside her prayed fervently, and trusted in hope and love; holding fast
+by the certainty that Caroline had embraced the good part, and given up
+the allurements of the world, in health, for the sake of the treasure to
+which she was hastening. That last letter of her's was surely a proof
+that she was ready; and who could wish to detain that worn, harassed
+spirit from the repose where earthly cares shall "cease from troubling,
+and where the weary are at rest?" Yet how Marian loved and clung to her,
+and felt as if she could never bear to part, and lose the affection that
+had been so long kept off by her own repulsive demeanour, but that
+was so ardent and unreserved! How grievous to think of the blooming,
+life-like creature that she was so lately, now so suddenly cut down!
+
+Hour after hour went by, bringing no change for the better. Day had
+faded into twilight, and twilight became night. Midnight had come, and
+Marian was still sitting, as she had done for more than an hour, holding
+up the faint head; for Caroline could no longer breathe in a recumbent
+posture, and sat partly supported on pillows, partly resting on Marian's
+shoulder. Her eyes were shut, and she seemed unconscious; it might be
+that she slept, but the features were full of suffering, and Marian
+could feel each of her breaths, gasping and convulsive. Her mother hung
+over her, feeling her pulse, sometimes sitting, sometimes standing,
+or walking to the foot of the bed to speak to Mr. Lyddell, or to the
+apothecary, in the restless misery of despair. Mr. Lyddell came in and
+out, unable to bear the sight, yet unable to stay away. Clara had been
+too much overcome, and growing hysterical, had been sent away, and
+advised to go to bed. Lionel, too, had been sent to bed, but his room
+was in the same passage, and he lay with his door open, catching, with
+his quickened ears, at every sound in the sick room, and hearing each
+word of the hushed conferences that took place outside.
+
+A fresh tread was in the house--on the stairs--in the passage; Lionel's
+heart could not help bounding at it, as it came so softly along. It was
+the tread of the brother who, for his effort of courage and principle
+had been allowed to leave home like an exile, and treated as an
+offender. Lionel heard his father's step coming to meet him: how would
+they meet? He could hear the movement as their hands grasped together,
+and then Mr. Lyddell's smothered, choked whisper, "Only just in time,
+Walter! she won't know you. Come!"
+
+"Is it so?" said Walter, in a low tone, as of one extremely choked and
+overwhelmed.
+
+A sort of sob came before the answer, "Going fast."
+
+The steps moved on; Lionel could not stay where he was, dressed himself,
+and felt his way to the sick room. He heard the stifled breathings: he
+felt onward,--found he had hold of the bed-post, and leant against it,
+unheeded by all, so intently were all watching Caroline.
+
+"Speak to her," was the first thing he heard whispered by the doctor.
+
+"Caroline!" said Walter's trembling voice, "dear Caroline!"
+
+Poor Lionel could not see how, at the call, the dark blue eyes once more
+opened, and looked up in Walter's face; he only heard the steadier tone
+in which the brother said the ministerial words, "Peace be with this
+house!"
+
+The solemn calmness of the tone came gently and soothingly upon Lionel's
+ear; and withal there spread over Caroline's face a gleam of joy, and
+then a quiet stillness, as of a freedom from suffering. There was an
+interval--a gasp--another interval--another gasp--a pause--
+
+Marian's voice was the first, and very low and awe-struck. "It has been
+without a struggle."
+
+A slight cry from his mother, and a confused movement, as if they were
+lifting something--steps--he stood still, and the next moment felt
+Marian's hand on his arm. "Mrs. Lyddell has fainted," said she, in
+explanation; "Mr. Lyddell and Walter are taking her to her own room,"
+
+Lionel clasped Marian's hand very tight, and each felt how the other was
+trembling. "We must come away," said Marian; then hesitating, and with a
+quivering whisper, she said, "Would you like to kiss her?"
+
+"Yes, let me!"
+
+It was strange to guide the blind brother to kiss the white brow of the
+dead sister. Marian's throat was aching to such a degree with intense
+feeling, that she could hardly utter a word; but Lionel, who could not
+see, must hear. "She looks so calm, so sweet," said Marian struggling,
+"but I must go to your mother. Let me take you to your room; I'll send
+Walter to you. Lionel, Lionel, indeed she is happy!" said Marian,
+earnestly, while Lionel burst into a flood of tears, wholesome tears, as
+she led him from the room.
+
+She thought Walter would be the greatest comfort to him; and
+recollecting Mrs. Lyddell had no woman with her but her maid, she told
+Lionel she must go to his mother, ran down, and met Walter waiting in
+the dressing-room. "Is she recovering?"
+
+"A little."
+
+"Will you go to Lionel?"
+
+"This instant, but--" and he looked at her earnestly.
+
+"Yes, yes," said she hastily, "it is all right and beautiful. Here's her
+last letter; I've been reading it all day. Take it; you'll see how--"
+
+Marian's voice broke down, and she hastened to the open door of Mrs.
+Lyddell's room. There was something for her to do in attempting to
+restore her, for the maid was not helpful; and Mr. Lyddell stood at the
+foot of the bed, as if all his powers were paralysed. Mr. Wells wanted
+assistance; for Mrs. Lyddell, exhausted by watching and her previous
+weakness, was in so sinking and depressed a state, as to need the
+greatest care.
+
+Marian was employed in attending her till towards morning, when she sank
+into a sleep. "You had better go to bed," said Mr. Lyddell, very kindly,
+as Marian at length turned away from her, and stood by the fireside,
+where he was sitting in the arm-chair, his hands over his forehead "I
+must not let you overwork yourself."
+
+"O, I am not tired, if I can be of any use."
+
+"No, no, rest now, thank you," said he, in a broken, dejected tone.
+
+She went, and again found Walter in the outer room, watching for tidings
+of his mother. "Asleep," she said. "Lionel?"
+
+"Asleep too, I hope. You are going to bed?"
+
+"Yes, thank you; but Clara--"
+
+"I will go to Clara the first thing in the morning. I shall sit up on my
+father's account. Don't you think of it,--sleep as long as you can; you
+have had watching enough."
+
+"I have been so glad," Marian said, in a tear-stilled whisper.
+
+"You cannot tell how I have longed to thank you, Marian, for what you
+have been to her:" said Walter, speaking from the fulness of heart,
+which overcame his natural reserve and bashfulness. "You are thanked
+enough by our present feelings on the subject,--by that letter:--may I
+keep it a little longer?"
+
+"O yes, yes!" cried Marian, hastily, disclaiming in her heart all his
+thanks, though unable to do so with her lips.
+
+"It takes away all regret for the briefness of the illness," added
+Walter, as if the speaking of it was a satisfaction he could hardly
+relinquish.
+
+"I am sure she thought much; no one can tell what passed," said Marian,
+in a low, broken murmur.
+
+"Little did I think last summer--" said Walter, aloud to himself. "Yes,
+this is best, far best, if one could but feel it so!"
+
+Marian thought the same, and, like him, could not feel it; but unable to
+express herself, she simply said, as soon as her tears would let her,
+"Good-night," and went up to her own room.
+
+Fatigue came on her now. When she took off the dress she had worn since
+leaving Fern Torr, she found her limbs stiff and aching, and her head
+dizzy with weariness. She could hardly get through the operation of
+undressing; and when she tried to say her prayers, they would not come.
+She could only go through the LORD'S Prayer; and too worn out to be
+shocked at herself more than in a dull way, scarcely even alive to the
+recollection of what had happened, she laid herself down on the bed,
+which seemed strangely soft, but for a long time was too tired to sleep.
+With confused thoughts and exhausted spirits, she kept on feeling as
+if her aching limbs belonged to somebody else, and going off into odd,
+dreamy vagaries, each more uncomfortable than the last,--ever and anon
+waking into a moment's remembrance that Caroline was dead, wondering at
+herself for being so dull as only to think it strange, then losing the
+consciousness again. At last the light of morning made her perceptions
+clearer. Fanny knocked at her door, and brought her a cup of tea.
+She heard that all was quiet,--said she would get up; but with that
+resolution she suddenly became more easy, and while believing she was
+getting up, fell into a sound sleep.
+
+She awoke refreshed, and entirely herself again, though feeling stunned
+and bewildered by the all-pervading thought. Caroline dead! It seemed
+as if it was not otherwise with the rest of the family. Her illness had
+been so short, that there had been no time to grow familiar with the
+idea of her danger; and it was the first death in the household that had
+hitherto been so strong and confident in health,--the first touch that
+taught them how little the world they loved was an abiding-place. So
+sudden had been the stroke, that they seemed to pause and stand aghast
+under it, scarcely conscious how deep the wound might be. Her father
+went about the house, bowed down and stricken with grief, his tones low,
+sorrowful, and so gentle when speaking to his children, or to Marian,
+that they could scarcely be recognised as the same voice; but, without
+a word, so far as Marian, Clara, or Lionel knew, of his daughter, or
+of his own feelings. Her mother, already very weak, and suffering most
+acutely from the remembrance of the coldness with which she had treated
+her during the last autumn, became so seriously unwell, between a
+return of influenza, and her extreme depression and nervous hysterical
+agitation, that Marian and Clara were almost entirely occupied in
+nursing her, and trying to soothe her. In this work they were little
+successful. Marian had no hold on her affection, no power of talking
+soothingly, though most anxious to do what she could, and distressed
+excessively by her inability to be a comfort in the painful scenes which
+she was obliged to witness. She almost thought her presence made things
+worse, and that Mrs. Lyddell wished her away; but poor Clara was so
+entirely helpless and frightened, clung to her in so imploring a way,
+and was so incapable, from the restraint that had always subsisted
+between her and her mother, of saying anything to comfort her, or
+assuming any direction, that Marian was obliged, for her sake, to be
+almost always in the room. The only thing Marian could do in the way
+of consolation was to read aloud; she could not talk of the great
+thankfulness, peace, and hope which she felt herself, to Mrs. Lyddell,
+though she could have done so a little, with time, to Lionel, or even
+Clara; she could only read, and whether this did any good, she knew not.
+At any rate, it was what she ought to do; and the sound of the voice
+going on continuously had certainly a calming effect. Walter used daily
+to come and read, but this she did not seem to like, though she never
+made any objection; and there was so much reason for guarding against
+agitation and excitement, that he, never familiar with her, could not
+venture to attempt speaking to her on the subject of which all their
+hearts were full. It was only Mr. Lyddell who had any real serviceable
+influence with her. Her hysterical attacks never came on in his
+presence, and a few affectionate words or demonstrations from him would
+soothe the very worst of them. Marian saw so much real tenderness in his
+character, that she positively began to feel considerable affection for
+him.
+
+Clara was entirely bewildered and frightened, hardly yet realizing
+that she had lost her sister; perplexed and alarmed about her mother,
+suddenly thrust forward, from being an unregarded child, into having
+all the responsibilities of the eldest daughter of a sick mother on her
+hands, she could only depend upon Marian, and hang on her for direction,
+assistance, and consolation,--say "yes" to whatever she suggested, and
+set about it; and whenever she felt lonely, sisterless, and wretched,
+lean on her, pour out her grief, and feel that she had a kind listener,
+though only a monosyllabic answerer. She used to have great fits of
+crying at night, when they passed Caroline's door; and more than once
+she was so inconsolable, that Marian was obliged to come and stay in her
+room, and sleep all night with her arm clinging round her. Altogether,
+it was very desolate and perplexing; and Marian was grieved at herself
+for dwelling more on this, and on the loss of her dear companion and
+friend, than on the hope and happiness that ought to occupy her. How
+different in the two deaths she had known before, where there was none
+of this weary, harassed, doubtful, careworn feeling; only the sorrow,
+bitter indeed as it was, of the parting, but with time and scope for
+dwelling on all thoughts of comfort, when they would come.
+
+Lionel had his brother, and was thus in the best hands; and she saw very
+little of him except at meal-times, when all were silent and subdued.
+
+So passed the week before the funeral. Only the gentlemen attended it;
+Marian and Clara stayed with Mrs. Lyddell, who went through the time
+better than they had ventured to hope. She was altogether improved, and
+was able to sit up a little in the evening. Lionel was to go the next
+day to London, to be seen by the oculist; and her sanguine mind was
+fastening itself on the hope of his recovery; and though there was
+too much danger that she was only hoping in order to be the more
+disappointed, yet the present relief was great.
+
+Marian and Clara went down to dinner somewhat cheered, and hoping to
+carry satisfaction with them; but there was a deeper despondency in Mr.
+Lyddell's air than ever. He scarcely seemed to know what he was doing;
+and when at last dinner was over, he rose up, stood by the fire a
+moment, coughed, said to Walter, "You tell them," and ran upstairs.
+
+There was a silence: each of the three dreaded to ask what was the
+matter; Walter did not know how to begin. Marian began to think it was
+some family misfortune, better mentioned in her absence, and was rising
+to go away; but Walter exclaimed, "No, don't go, Marian; all the world
+must know it soon, I fear."
+
+"Not Johnny!" cried Clara. "O, Walter, Walter, don't let it be Johnny!"
+
+"No," said Lionel; "I know it is something more about Elliot. Is it very
+bad indeed, Walter?"
+
+"Very; I do not think he is going to tell my mother the full extent.
+There was a letter from Paris this morning, from Captain Evans, saying
+he thought it right that my father should be warned that Elliot is going
+on there in his old way, and worse still, is reported to be on the brink
+of a ruinous marriage."
+
+Clara was the first to break the silence of consternation. "Marriage!
+and now! a Frenchwoman! O Walter, Walter it can't be true! he can't do
+it now, at any rate!"
+
+"There is some hope that this may make a delay: it is the one chance
+that my father trusts to," said Walter. "The history seems to be this,
+as far as I can understand. When the discovery of all these debts came
+on my father, he wrote Elliot a very indignant letter, refusing to be
+answerable for any of them except that which Faulkner had guaranteed
+which of course he paid at once. This letter seems to have stirred
+Elliot up into a fit of passion; he went on more recklessly than ever,
+and now is getting drawn into this miserable connection."
+
+"Yes, just like Elliot!" said Lionel. "And what is papa going to do?"
+
+"He means to go to Paris at once, sacrifice any thing, pay all the debts
+at any cost, if he can only bring Elliot back with him, and save him
+from ruining himself entirely."
+
+"But he is not going to tell mamma about the marriage, I hope?" said
+Clara.
+
+"No, he will leave her to think it is only the old story, and that he
+wants to see if anything can be done about the debts. There is a hope
+that the news he must have had by this time may have checked him."
+
+"Perhaps it may be bringing him home," said Marian.
+
+"No, I fear he is too much involved to venture to England."
+
+Again following a silence; no one could think of anything consoling to
+suggest; all were unwilling to heap censure upon one who deserved it but
+too richly. Only Lionel was heard to give a sort of groan, find after a
+time Clara asked, "Is it a Frenchwoman?"
+
+"Yes," said Walter; "a person connected with the theatres."
+
+The four again sat in mournful silence.
+
+"I suppose," said Lionel at length, "that my going to London had better
+be put off till he comes back."
+
+"No," said Walter, "he wishes that to be done at once. We are all three
+to go to London to-morrow, as was settled before; he will go with you to
+see the oculist, and on to Dover by the night-train; and if the oculist
+wishes to keep you, I shall stay with you in London till he comes back,
+or till my mother and the rest can come."
+
+"Thank you," said Lionel, sighing; "I wish I could help it! Is not it
+leaving a pretty state of things behind us, though? not that we are any
+great good to the ladies to be sure!"
+
+"Yes, it is leaving you at a very sad time," said Walter, looking at the
+two girls, "but we are hardly able to be of much use to my mother, and
+if there was any prospect of your improvement, that they all say would
+do her more good than anything else. However, my father said that must
+be according to your feelings, Clara and Marian, if you were afraid to
+be left with the charge of her, I would remain."
+
+One of Walter's awkward ways of putting the question, and it instantly
+suggested to Clara to be afraid.
+
+"I am sure I shan't know what to do. Only think, Marian, for us to be
+left--what should we do if mamma was to get suddenly worse? We should
+have no one to help us, I shall be in such a nervous state, I could do
+no good."
+
+"No, no, Clara, you won't," said Marian, whilst Walter had begun to
+look in consternation at Clara. "Nobody ever has nerves when there is
+anything to be done. You know Mrs. Lyddell is much better."
+
+"O but she will be so very unhappy and excited about papa's being
+gone, and I am sure I shall never be able to conceal from her all this
+dreadful business about Elliot."
+
+"Yes, you will," said Marian quietly. "We shall do very well indeed, it
+cannot be for long, and if we wanted him we could get Walter home in a
+few hours' time. If he can send us good news of Lionel, it will help us
+much more than his staying here could do."
+
+"If dear Caroline,"--and Clara burst into a fit of weeping, which
+obliged her to leave the room. Every one was feeling the same thing,
+that Caroline, with her energy, good sense, and the power she had once
+possessed with her mother, would have made all easy, and the sense of
+missing her had come strongly upon them all. Marian followed Clara to
+her own room, let her lean upon her and cry, wept with her, joined in
+saying how grievous the loss was, and how much they had loved her, and
+how they should want her every day and every hour, then called hack the
+remembrance that Caroline had not been happy here, and had longed for
+rest, and it was come to her, and they must not be selfish, but there
+Clara cried more, saying that Marian never knew what a sister was, and
+it was unkind to wish her to be glad.
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, pausing as her tears flowed fast, "I have
+known death, Clara."
+
+"You weren't glad!" said Clara passionately.
+
+"I don't know," she said thinking, and speaking with difficulty. "Not
+then, not always now, O no! But I always knew I ought to be glad, for
+dear papa had suffered so much, I could not wish it to be going on
+still--no, no. And dear mamma, when he was gone, it was a sad world for
+her, she could only have wished to stay for our sakes. Yet, after the
+first, I always felt it was right, and so will you too, Clara, in time."
+
+"If she was but here to help me!" sobbed Clara.
+
+"We must try," said Marian, "we can't be as useful and ready as she was,
+but we will do our very best. I am sure Mrs. Lyddell likes to have you
+sit with her."
+
+"Did you think so?" said Clara, ready to be cheered by any token, of
+preference.
+
+"Yes, I saw how glad she was to have you instead of me, when you came in
+from the garden."
+
+Clara looked pleased.
+
+"You will sit with her, and read to her, and I can help you when you
+have too much on your hands at once. You see it is a great comfort to
+Mr. Lyddell to have you to leave her with."
+
+The being made important was a great thing with Clara, and she was quite
+reconciled to the prospect of her charge by the time they had to go down
+stairs to tea.
+
+After tea Marian was left alone with Lionel, while Clara was with her
+mother; and Walter in consultation with Mr. Lyddell, for here at least
+was one benefit, that Walter seemed to have taken his proper place, and
+to be a real comfort and help to his father in a way he had never hoped
+for.
+
+"You've cheered up Clara, I hear in her voice," said Lionel.
+
+"O yes, we shall do very well."
+
+"Do you mind it, Marian?" said he, turning his ear towards her, as if
+to judge by the minute intonations of her answer, as people do by the
+expression of the countenance.
+
+Her reply was brave, "No, not at all."
+
+"Are you sure?"
+
+"Yes. I don't see what would be gained by keeping you and Walter here.
+She does not depend on Walter as she does on your father, and all that
+is required we can do as well without Walter in the house. It would be
+nonsense to keep you merely for the feel of having some one, and for the
+rest, I am sure Clara will be the better for being thrust forward, and
+made useful."
+
+"Very well. I should not in the least mind waiting, for I have not much
+hope myself, but it is just as well for oneself and every one else to be
+put out of one's misery as soon as possible, and settle down into it."
+
+Marian remembered how differently he had spoken half a year ago, when
+the danger first broke on him, and looking up she saw his steadfast
+though mournful face. She spoke her thought.
+
+"It has been a great thing to have this long preparation."
+
+"Yes, I am glad of it, though I have been a great plague and nuisance to
+every one, especially to you, Marian. I know what you're going to say,
+so let alone that. I wish--. But no use talking of that, she was very
+kind and we got very comfortable together after you were gone, Marian,
+and I like to remember that."
+
+"Ah! I was sure you would. And Walter read you what she said about you?"
+
+"Yes, I wish--I little knew"--then suddenly "Marian, I'll tell you
+something: one morning when you were gone, she had to read a bit of a
+chapter in the Gospel about the healing the blind man, and you can't
+think how hard she tried to get through it without breaking down, but
+she could not. She cried at last, as if she could not help it, and then
+she got up, and came and kissed me, and I felt her tears on my face. I
+didn't know what to say, but that's what I like to remember."
+
+"And the Church-going on Christmas day," whispered Marian.
+
+"Ay, she led me up," said Lionel.
+
+"Everything is so very comforting," said Marian.
+
+"So Walter says."
+
+"Lionel, do you remember the print you and Gerald gave me long ago of S.
+Margaret walking through the dark wood of this world, and subduing the
+dragon? I am sure she is like it. She had all this world before her, and
+she chose vexation and trouble instead of doing wrong! O Lionel, it is
+very noble!"
+
+"That it is," said Lionel, "only things never seem so at the time. I
+wish they did, but. I am glad my father saw it all right before, and
+said he was glad she had given him up."
+
+"Yes, that is a comfort."
+
+"My poor father!" said Lionel presently, "I never guessed he cared so
+much about--things. Do you know, Marian, I think even if I do get back
+my eyes, I could not go after the Australian bulls, unless 'twas the
+only way of getting a living."
+
+"I am glad you have put them out of your head," said Marian, smiling
+sadly.
+
+"Ay, I was very mad upon them once," said Lionel, "but I see that eyes
+or no eyes, we must set ourselves in earnest to be some sort of comfort
+to them, and if Johnny is to be always at sea, I had better not be on
+the other side of the world. If I am to see, why then it is all right;
+if not, I'll do the best I can at home."
+
+"That's right, Lionel."
+
+"I can do a good deal already, I am no trouble to any one, am I? I can
+go all over the house and park by myself, and find all my own goods
+without any one's help, and I'll do more in time, so as to be no bother
+to any one, and I do believe now they like to have me at home. Don't you
+remember, Marian," and he lowered his voice confidentially, one reason
+why I wanted to go to Australia, and make a fortune?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, knowing that he meant his vision of winning love
+from his parents.
+
+"Well, I think," said he, "that being blind has answered as well."
+
+A silence, then he went on, "I know what you meant now about a time when
+I might he glad to have been blind. If Caroline had married that man,
+she would not have died as happily as that, and there was an end of all
+the trouble and vexation; so there will be an end to my blindness some
+time or other, and it will keep me out of lots of mischief. I don't mean
+that there is not plenty of opportunity of doing wrong as it is," he
+added, "but not so much. Better be blind than like Elliot, and perhaps I
+might have come to that."
+
+"O Lionel, it is such a comfort you can speak so!"
+
+"I've tried it now, and 'tis not so very bad," said Lionel, turning with
+an odd mixture of smile and sadness, "besides I saw almost the last of
+her face, and I should only miss her the more like her voice. I have got
+her face stored up with all of yours. You know I shan't see when any of
+you grow old and ugly, Marian. Well, and after all I am glad it is to
+be settled now, I don't think I shall mind it near so much as I should
+another time, now I have just heard all that over her grave. I got
+Walter to read it to me all over again when we came home. It has been
+very nice to have Walter."
+
+Marian guessed how Walter had strengthened and helped him, and she
+judged rightly, but she did not know how silently he listened to all
+Walter's talkings and readings, unable to pour out his full feeling to
+any one but herself.
+
+The others came in from their different quarters, it was late, and
+Marian was about to wish good night, when Walter in a low hurried voice
+said to her and Clara, "Don't go yet, my father wishes to have prayers."
+
+A moment more and the servants came in, all were kneeling, and Marian's
+tears of thankful joy were streaming fast as Walter read an evening
+prayer. Was not Caroline glad? was the thought, as she recollected that
+first morning, when all had seemed to her childish mind so dreary and
+unhallowed, and when Caroline had lamented the omission. Yes! was not
+Caroline glad, now that one of the dearest wishes of her heart had been
+gained? Was she not glad of this first token that trouble had brought a
+change over her father?
+
+Each fresh petition brought such a gush of earnest softened tears that
+Marian's face bore evident traces of them, when she rose up, and had to
+wish Mr. Lyddell good night. She did not speak, but held out her hand.
+He spoke with difficulty, "My dear," he said, "I have wished to thank
+you, but I cannot otherwise than by leaving more on your hands. Walter
+has told you how it is with us. You are kind enough to help Clara.
+I don't know what we should do without you. I rely on your judgment
+entirely."
+
+"I'll do my best," said Marian, "I am glad to be of use."
+
+"You were _her_ best friend," said Mr. Lyddell hastily. "Well, good
+night, thank you, my dear," and he kissed her forehead, as though she
+had been his own daughter.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+  "Let us be patient. These severe afflictions
+  Not from the ground arise
+  But oftentimes celestial benedictions
+  Assume this dark disguise.
+
+  "We see but dimly through the mists and vapours
+  Amid these earthly damps
+  What seems to us but sad funereal tapers
+  May be heaven's distant lamps."
+
+  LONGFELLOW.
+
+
+There were morning prayers before the hurried breakfast, which was
+interspersed with numerous directions about what was to be done for Mrs.
+Lyddell, and what letters were to be sent after Mr. Lyddell. Lionel was
+grave and silent, as became one whose fate was in the balance, without
+either shrinking or bravado; but somewhat as if he was more inclined,
+than had been the case last night, to hope for a favorable result.
+With heartfelt prayers did Marian watch him as be crossed the hall and
+entered the carriage, calling out a cheerful good-bye,--prayers that, if
+it were the will of Heaven, his affliction might be removed; but that if
+not, help might be given him to turn it into a blessing, as he seemed
+almost to be beginning to do. His father, too,--little had Marian ever
+thought to feel for him the affectionate compassion and sympathy, of
+which she was now sensible, as she responded to his kind, fatherly
+farewell, and thought of what he must be feeling; obliged to leave his
+wife in so anxious and suffering a state; his daughter, the pride of the
+family, removed so suddenly; his most promising son probably blind for
+life; his eldest, a grief, pain, and shame to them all. Marian must pray
+for him too, that he might be supported and aided through these most
+bitter trials, and that the work which they had begun in him might go on
+and be perfected; that these troubles, grievous as they were, might in
+his ease also turn to blessings.
+
+The occupation of the two girls was all day the care of Mrs. Lyddell.
+She was not worse, as far as bodily ailments went; the attack of cold,
+brought on by leaving her room to attend on Caroline, had gone off,
+and her strength was in some degree returning; but she was restless,
+excited, irritable, and with an inability to restrain herself, that was
+more alarming than Marian liked to own to herself, far less to Clara.
+
+She insisted on getting up at an earlier hour than she had hitherto
+attempted; she was worn out and wearied with dressing; she was impatient
+and vexed with Clara, for some mistake about her pillows; and the
+trembling of her hand, as she was eating some broth, was uncontrollable.
+The broth was not what she liked, and she would send for the
+housekeeper, to reprove her about it; asked questions about the
+arrangements, found them not as she wished; spoke sharply, said no one
+took heed to anything while she was ill, and then burst into a fit of
+weeping at the thought of the daughter who would have been able to
+supply her place.
+
+This spent itself, (for the girls were unable to do anything effectual
+in soothing it away); the doctors made their daily visit, and cheered
+her up a little. The consequence of this exhilaration was, that she
+began talking about Lionel, and anticipating his perfect recovery;
+arranging how they were all to go and join him in London, and working
+herself up to a state of great excitement; pettish with Marian for not
+being able to answer her hopefully, and at last, hysterically laughing
+at the picture she drew of Lionel with restored sight.
+
+Marian asked if she would be read to, and took up a serious book, with
+which she had put her to sleep two or three times before, but nothing
+of the kind would she hear; and as the best chance of at least quieting
+her, Marian went on a voyage of discovery among the club books down
+stairs, and brought up a book of travels, and a novel. Mrs. Lyddell
+chose the novel; it was a very exciting story, and caught the attention
+of all three. Marian grew eager about it, and was well pleased to go on;
+and so it occupied them most of the afternoon and evening, driving out a
+great deal of care, as Marian could not help gratefully acknowledging,
+though she would willingly have had space to work out with herself the
+question, whether care had best be driven out or grappled with. Mrs.
+Lyddell was indeed in no state to grapple with it, and there was nothing
+to be done but to take the best present means of distracting her
+attention; yet it was to be feared that, though put aside, the enemy was
+not conquered,--and might there not be worse to come?
+
+It was about half-past seven and the two girls were drinking tea with
+Mrs. Lyddell in her room. She was just beginning to make herself unhappy
+about Mr. Lyddell's late journey and night-voyage, when there was a tap
+at the door, and on the answer, "Come in!" it opened, and Lionel stood
+there.
+
+There was a sudden exclamation: they all three sprang up and looked at
+him, but alas! it was still by feeling that he came forward, though his
+countenance was cheerful, and there was a smile upon his lips.
+
+"Well, mamma," he said, in a brave, almost a lively tone, "you must
+be content to have me at home." And in answer to their broken, half
+expressed interrogations, "No, he can't do any thing for me; so it was
+not worth while to stay any longer in London. How are you this evening,
+mamma?"
+
+He was guiding himself towards her chair, one hand on the table; she
+threw herself forward to meet him, flung her arms round his neck and
+sobbed, "My boy, my poor dear boy! O Lionel! it has been all my fault
+and neglect!"
+
+"No, no, don't--don't say that, mamma!" said Lionel, extremely
+distressed by her weeping, and not knowing where to rest her, as she
+hung with her whole weight abandoned on him. Marian and Clara were
+obliged to help him, and seat her in her chair again; while she still
+wept piteously, and poor Lionel stood, hearing the sobs, and very much
+grieved. "Ought I not to have told her?" said he to Marian. "I thought
+if she saw I could bear it, it would be better than writing."
+
+"Yes, yes, you did quite right; she will be better presently."
+
+She was soon better, and leaning back on her pillows exhausted, looked
+up at the fine tall boy before her, the glow of youth and health on his
+face, spirit and enterprise in every feature,--but those large blue
+eyes, bright as they were, for ever darkened and useless.
+
+"O Lionel!" she sighed again.
+
+"The man behaved very well," said Lionel; "he did not plague me at all.
+He only pulled up my eyelids--so--and studied them, and I suppose he
+gave some sign to my father, for I heard him make a noise that showed me
+how I was; so I asked. He told me there was not a chance, and made me
+understand the rights of it; and so here I am. Never mind, mamma, there
+was a tendency to it all my life, and nothing would have stopped it in
+the end; and now I know what it is, I have no doubt but I shall do very
+well. I mean to be like the blind man that unharnessed all the horses in
+the middle of the night, when the coach was upset, and no one else was
+of any use."
+
+He stopped once or twice in his harangue, to judge how his mother was,
+by her breathings; and he spoke with a smile and look of resolution
+and eagerness, as he concluded with another "Never mind, mamma, for I
+don't." She took hold of his hand, and pressed it, too much overcome to
+speak.
+
+"Is papa gone?" asked Clara.
+
+"Yes." And Lionel proceeded to give a message which he had sent back.
+
+"And where's Walter?"
+
+"In the drawing-room."
+
+More people were already in the room than Marian thought good for Mrs.
+Lyddell; and understanding Clara's wishes, she went down to speak to
+Walter, to carry a message that his mother would see him after tea, and
+to arrange for a substantial supper for the two youths, who had had no
+dinner.
+
+Walter was waiting anxiously to know how his mother had endured the
+tidings.
+
+"She was very much, overcome at first," said Marian; "but now she has
+had a good cry, she will be more likely to go to sleep quietly. Poor
+Lionel! he did it admirably."
+
+"It has been his chief thought," said Walter. "He begged to come home at
+once, saying it would be the best way to have it over before night;
+it would save all hoping and worrying, about him; and the instant we
+arrived, he ran straight up stairs."
+
+Walter and Marian were not familiar enough to say it to each other, but
+both were comparing his present conduct with his former bitterness of
+spirit against his mother. Death, sorrow, anxiety, and illness had drawn
+close the cords of love, and opened the well-springs of affection, so
+long choked up and soured by neglect and worldly care.
+
+"How did he bear it at the first?"
+
+"Bravely; he had wound himself up. He was flushing and turning pale all
+through the journey; but when once he came to the door, he was as calm
+and steady as possible. My father was much more agitated; he would lead
+Lionel himself, and very nearly threw him down the steps. You should
+have seen how Lionel never flinched,--did not let one feature quiver
+while he was being turned round to the light and examined. We saw how it
+was by the doctor's face, but Lionel spoke first, as--no, more steadily,
+than I can tell it, 'There is nothing to be done, then?'--attended more
+firmly to the explanation of the causes than we could, spoke as freely
+as if it had been about some indifferent case. The doctor was quite
+struck with it. He shook hands with him when he went, and kept me a
+moment after, to say, of all the many cases he had seen, he had never
+known greater resolution,--never seen any one he had been more sorry
+for. However, it was not only that,--that might have been the pride of
+firmness; but it has been the same all along. He set himself to cheer my
+father, who was very much overcome; and ever since has been telling me
+of all his schemes for employment, and arranging how to spare my mother
+as much as possible. Yes, he is a fine fellow!" said Walter, stopping
+with a heavy sigh.
+
+"I am sure he will make himself happy," said Marian earnestly; "you
+don't know how many resources he has, and you see how wonderfully
+independent he is already."
+
+"Yes," said Walter, sadly; "but though I know it is all right--to see
+what he might have been! But that is mere nonsense," he added, catching
+himself up; "we should never have known what was in him; and perhaps he
+would have been very different."
+
+Not a word expressed of Walter's sincere thankfulness for the change
+that affliction was bringing on them.
+
+Lionel came down presently, Marian presided at their tea, and would have
+enjoyed it very much, if she had not been sorry Clara should not be
+relieved from her harassing attendance up stairs. But her mother could
+not spare her, and perhaps the being positively useful, and pulled by
+force out of her childishness, was the best thing for her.
+
+"Marian, I hope you will be able to ride with me to-morrow, if mamma
+does not want you?" said Lionel.
+
+Walter looked full of inquiry and consternation.
+
+"If we can manage it," said Marian, cheerfully; though now that the
+custom had been disused for a time, she did not like the notion quite
+so well as before; since she could not now even figure to herself that
+Lionel guided himself at all, He had said it chiefly for the purpose
+of asserting his intention of continuing the practice, and was quite
+satisfied by her answer.
+
+Walter went up stairs to his mother shortly after, and Lionel was left
+alone with Marian.
+
+"I am sure I hope it won't hurt her," said he; "I thought it was best to
+have it out at once."
+
+"Much the best, since it was to come."
+
+"Yes," he said, pausing for some space, then exclaiming, "I don't know,
+though! I thought it would be better to know the worst, and have one's
+mind made up; but I don't think 'tis more comfortable, after all. I
+should like to get back that little spark of hope I had this morning!
+O, Marian, there was one time when the sun shone out full, and so warm,
+exactly on my face, and some one in the train said it was a glorious
+winter day. It was close by Slough; I knew we were in sight of the
+castle, and perhaps one might see the chapel, and the trees in the
+playing-fields. I thought soon, I might be seeing it all again: and
+I vow, Marian, I could have leaped from here to Windsor at the bare
+thought. It was being a great fool, to be sure; but as we came back, I
+was half glad it was dark, so that nobody else could see it."
+
+"Yet I am sure your last half year at Eton was no happy time; you went
+through a great deal."
+
+"I'd do it all again, if I could see as much as I did then," said
+Lionel. "I don't mind it so much in general now; I get on much better
+than I thought I should, and it is not nearly as bad now I am quite in
+the dark, and wake up to it, as when the glimmer of light was going. I
+can do very well, except when a great gush--I don't know what to call
+it--great rush of remembering the sky and all sorts of things comes
+on me, and I know it is to be darkness always. Then!--but it is all
+nonsense talking of it. I shall get the better of that, some day or
+other, I suppose. But I did not think, yesterday, that the being sure of
+it would be half so bad!"
+
+"You braced yourself yesterday, and that helped you to-day."
+
+"Yes; and then there was my father,--he has enough to vex him, without
+knowing all this. And, after all, it is nothing; I've got plenty to do,
+and I'll manage it capitally. I'll tell you what, Marian, if mamma can
+spare you, we'll ride to Salisbury, and get some of that good twine, and
+I'll make Gerald the fishing-net you said he wanted."
+
+Lionel had hitherto never consented to learn to net.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was better the next day, and all was quiet and prosperous,
+so that Walter could write a satisfactory account to his father. Clara
+had a good walk with her brothers in the morning, and in the afternoon
+the ride took effect: Marian came into Mrs. Lyddell's room in her habit,
+and gave notice, "we are going to ride," so much as if it was a matter
+of course that Mrs. Lyddell asked no questions, and feared no dangers.
+Walter went with them, and Marian could have wished him away, for he was
+so anxious and nervous as very nearly to make her the same, and though
+he said nothing of his anxieties, Lionel found them out, and told him
+in his old gruff way that there was nothing to be in a taking about;
+indeed, Lionel was the more inclined to be adventurous in order to show
+himself entirely at his ease.
+
+However, nothing went wrong, and Marian and he both felt it a point
+gained that their riding together was established. A few days passed
+on quietly and gravely, a pause of waiting and suspense. Mrs.
+Lyddell, though less ill, was not materially improved as regarded the
+excitability of her spirits. She would be excessively depressed at
+one time, at another in such high spirits as were much more alarming.
+Sometimes she would talk about their being all ruined and undone, and go
+on rapidly to say they must give up the house in London, retrench, live
+on nothing; at others she anticipated Mr. Lyddell's bringing Elliot
+back, all his debts paid, to live at home and be a comfort, or some
+friend was to give Walter a great living, or Clara was to come out, and
+to be presented in the summer. At the same time the fretful irritability
+of nerve and temper continued, and any unusual excitement, the talking a
+little longer in her room, a letter, or a little disappointment, would
+keep her awake all night. One thing, however, seemed certain, that
+Lionel's presence had some of the same power over her as her husband's;
+she was too much occupied with watching him, to work herself into her
+anxious excited moods, and now that he had grown more familiar with her,
+his cheerful lively way of speaking always refreshed and pleased her. He
+would come in, in a glow of bright health, from a quick walk or ride in
+the clear frosty air, and show such genuine pleasure and animation
+as must console those who were grieving for his privation; he would
+undertake her messages, and find things in a wonderful manner, and he
+liked to listen to the reading aloud that always went on in her room.
+When Lionel came in, Marian and Clara always felt relieved from half
+their present care.
+
+At last came a letter from Mr. Lyddell to Walter. The worst of his
+fears were fulfilled. Elliot was actually married, and report had not
+exaggerated the disgrace of the connection. Mr. Lyddell had not chosen
+to see him, and intended to be at home, by the end of the next day,
+after they would receive the letter.
+
+It was a great shock, but perhaps none of the four young people had
+such lively hopes of Elliot as to be very much overwhelmed by the
+disappointment, as far as he was individually concerned. He had never
+been a kind elder brother to Clara or Lionel, and it was only Walter who
+could have any of those recollections of a childhood spent together,
+which would make the loss of intercourse personally painful. They had
+all been brought up to a sort of loyal feeling towards Elliot as the
+eldest, and to think his extravagance almost a matter of course, but
+only the tie of blood, and sympathy for their parents could cause them
+any acute pain on his account.
+
+For their parents they were greatly grieved, for Elliot had with all
+his faults, been their especial pride and hope, and the effect on Mrs.
+Lyddell in her present state was very much to be apprehended. It was a
+comfort however that it was decided in full council that they might put
+off the evil day of telling her, for there was no occasion that she
+should be informed till her husband returned. He came the next day, and
+very worn down, broken and oldened did he look, as he returned to his
+mourning household. Not a word did he say in public of the object of his
+journey, and all that transpired to Marian, through Lionel, who heard
+it from Walter, was "that it was as bad as bad could be; it was thought
+Elliot had done it out of spite, at any rate he was never likely to
+bring his wife to England." Neither did Mrs. Lyddell speak of it, and
+Marian only knew that she had been informed of it, by the increased
+excitability and irritation of her nerves. Poor Clara underwent
+plenty of scolding, for she was the only victim, since Mrs. Lyddell's
+continuous dislike to Marian kept her on her ordinary terms of
+ceremony, scarcely ever asking her to do her any service, thanking her
+scrupulously, and never finding fault to her face.
+
+Marian was at first very sorry for Clara, who was bewildered, and
+disconcerted, but after a day or two, things seemed to right themselves
+wonderfully. Clara grew used to the fretfulness, and was no longer
+frightened by it, nor made unhappy, but learnt how to meet it and smooth
+it down without being hurt by it. It was surely the instinct of natural
+affection, for inferior in every way as she was to Marian, yet in her
+mother's sick room she suddenly acquired all the tact, power, and
+management that Marian failed in. Hitherto she had been childish and
+astray, as if she wanted her vocation; now she had found it, and settled
+admirably into it, acquiring a sense, energy, and activity that no one
+could have supposed her capable of.
+
+Outside that room, she was the same Clara still, without much either of
+rational tastes or conversation, afraid of her father, and not much of a
+companion to her brother, helpless in everything that did not regard her
+mother, and clinging to Marian for help and direction, Marian must speak
+for her, tell her what to say if she had to write a note, take the
+responsibility of every arrangement. Nothing was much harder than to
+shove Clara forward into becoming the ostensible lady of the house,
+as it seemed as if she must continue for some time to come, since the
+doctors spoke of the most absolute rest and freedom from excitement
+being necessary to restore her mother's shattered health and spirits.
+She was to see no visitors, be soothed as much as possible, have no
+cares or anxieties brought to her, be only moderately occupied and
+amused, or the nervous attacks would return. Marian had a suspicion that
+they feared for her mind. She became stronger, was able to rise earlier,
+and to drive out in the carriage, but she never dined with the family,
+and remained in her sitting room up stairs, with Clara for her regular
+attendant, and visits from the rest.
+
+Walter returned to his curacy as soon as he could be spared, and Lionel
+became, as usual, chiefly dependent on Marian, who read to him, walked
+with him, rode with him, assisted him in his contrivances for helping
+himself, and was his constant guide and companion; doing at the same
+time all she could for Clara's service, but keeping in the back ground
+and making Clara do all the representative part for herself.
+
+They missed Caroline every hour of the day, far more since they had
+settled into an every-day course of habits and most especially in the
+evening and at meal times. There always used to be so much conversation
+going on at dinner and now no one seemed to say anything; Clara sat at
+the head of the table in awe of her father, Lionel and Marian did not
+feel disposed to talk in their own way before him there never had been
+any freedom of intercourse, and nobody knew how to begin.
+
+Marian thought the silent party very sad and forlorn for poor Mr.
+Lyddell, and that it must remind him grievously of the state of his
+family. Some one must talk, but how were they ever to begin? She was the
+worst person in the world to do it, yet try she must.
+
+She began talking over the ride they had taken that day, but Clara was
+not at her ease enough to ask questions, or make observations, Lionel
+did not second her, and Mr. Lyddell said no more than "O." Another day
+she tried giving a history of a call that had been made by some of their
+neighbors, but nobody would be interested. How could she be so stupid?
+She almost dreaded dinner time. At last one day, she luckily cast her
+eyes on the newspaper, and it is a melancholy truth that the sight of a
+horrid murder gave her a certain degree of satisfaction! She began about
+it at dinner, when every one talked about it, every one had some view as
+to the perpetrator, and it really carried them through all dinner time
+without one dreary tract of silence, and served them on a second day.
+
+A second day and a third, for more intelligence came out, and then
+luckily for her, came a revolution, next a dreadful accident, and at
+last the habit of talking became so well established that there was no
+need to look for topics in the newspaper. It was without an effort that
+she could originate a remark addressed to Mr. Lyddell. Lionel began to
+shake off his old schoolboy reserves, and rattle on freely. Clara grew
+more at ease, and Mr. Lyddell began to be entertained, to be drawn into
+the conversation, and to narrate his day's doings, just as of old
+when his wife was there, pleased with their interest in them, making
+explanations, and diverted with Lionel's merry comments.
+
+It was however dreary and uncomfortable, with all these vague anxieties
+for Mrs. Lyddell, and with the whole house in the unsettled state
+consequent on missing its moving power. The servants had been used to
+depend on her, and could not go on without her; they teased Clara,
+and Clara teased Marian about them, no one knew what to do, nor what
+authority to assume, and the petty vexations were endless that were
+borne by the two girls rather than annoy Mr. Lyddell; perplexities,
+doubts whether they were doing what was wise or right by the house or by
+the servants; Marian's good sense making her judge the right, but her
+awkwardness, and Clara's incapacity, breaking down in the execution;
+continual worry and no dignity in it.
+
+The loss of Caroline as a companion was severely felt. Marian had not
+been fully conscious how very closely entwined their hearts had been,
+how necessary they had grown to each other even before those latter days
+of full confidence. Every pursuit was mixed up with Caroline, every walk
+recalled her, every annoyance would have given way at her light touch.
+There was no one left with whom Marian could have anything like the
+conversations they had been used to enjoy from almost the earliest
+days of her coming to Oakworthy. Lionel was indeed a very agreeable
+companion, nay more, a friend, full of right feeling, principle, good
+sense, thought, and liveliness; but a younger boy could never make up
+for the loss of such a friend of her own sex. Each evening as she sat
+over the fire in her room, her heart ached with longing for Caroline's
+tap at the door, or with the wish to go and knock at hers, and then the
+thrill at thinking that there was only gloom and vacancy in her room.
+Had they but found each other out before! But oh! how much better to
+think of her as she did of her own parents, added to her store in
+Paradise, than to see her the wife of that man, unhappy as she must have
+been unless she had lost all that was excellent and hopeful.
+
+These thoughts would comfort Marian when she went up to bed, harassed,
+weary, disgusted with cares and vexations, and craving for rest and
+sympathy. She thought of the home that awaited her at Fern Torr, the
+hope that had carried her through last autumn, but withal came a dim
+vague perception that a great sacrifice might be before her. Would it be
+right to seek her own happiness and repose there, and leave the Lyddells
+to their present distress? She did not think she was of much use, Clara
+was all-sufficient for her mother, and Marian was rather less liked by
+Mrs. Lyddell than formerly; but as a support to Clara, as a companion to
+Lionel, and as some one to talk to Mr. Lyddell, she was not absolutely
+useless. She had no doubt Clara and Lionel would miss her sadly, indeed
+it would be unkind to leave them, it would be positively wrong to
+forsake them when she was of some value, and go where she could not
+suppose herself to be actually wanted, though she might be loved and
+cherished. Yet to give up that beloved hope! The vision that had
+delighted her from the first years of her orphanhood; the hope become
+tangible beyond all expectations, the wish of her heart. To give up
+home, Edmund and Agnes, for this weary life! How could she? But it was
+not worth while to think about it yet, things might change, before they
+were ready for her, Mrs. Lyddell might recover, Clara and Lionel might
+grow sufficient for each other, anything might, would or should happen,
+rather than she would give up her beloved hope of the home she longed
+for, especially now the house was actually building, and each letter
+brought her accounts of its progress.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+  "Perchance it was ours on life's journey to enter
+  Some path through whose shadows no lovelight was thrown,
+  With heart that could breast the fierce storms of its winter,
+  And gather the wealth of its harvest alone;
+  It is well there are stars in bright heaven to guide us
+  To heights we ne'er dreamt of,--but oh, to forget
+  The fortunes that bar, and the gulfs that divide us
+  From paths that looked lovely, with some we have met."
+
+  F. BROWNE.
+
+
+Many weeks had passed away, and nothing had changed, in any
+material way, since the spring. Mrs. Lyddell's condition was still
+unsatisfactory, and she seemed to be settling into a confirmed state of
+ill health, and almost of hypochondriacism. So many shocks, following
+each other in such quick succession, on a person entirely unprepared by
+nature, experience or self-regulation, had entirely broken her down, and
+shattered her nerves and spirits in a manner which she seemed less and
+less like to recover. She was only able to rise late in the day, take a
+short drive, and after dining in her own room, come down in the evening,
+if they were alone, and it was a good day with her.
+
+No change, neither sea air, nor London advice, had made much difference,
+and her condition had become so habitual, that her family had ceased to
+expect any considerable amendment; and it was likely that Clara would,
+for many years, have full employment as her companion and attendant.
+Lionel was perfectly, hopelessly blind, but growing reconciled to his
+misfortune, and habituated to the privation, as well as resigned in
+will. His natural character, of a high-spirited, joyous, enterprising
+boy, showed itself still in his independence and fearlessness, joined to
+cheerfulness, and enlivened the house. He had even gone the length of
+talking freely and drolly to his father, and Mr. Lyddell had learnt to
+smile, and even laugh at his fun.
+
+There had been fears that the removal to London, for the session of
+Parliament, would be a great privation to him, since he would miss the
+wandering about the downs by himself, and the riding with Marian; but
+his temper and spirits did not fail. He walked every day with her, and
+was entertained with all he heard, both by his own quick ears, and by
+her description. They went to exhibitions, where she saw for him, and
+there were lectures, readings, and other oral amusements, to which his
+father, or some good-natured friend, would take him. He began to acquire
+a taste for music, which he had hitherto never cared to hear, and
+concerts became a great delight to him: though he had not the correct
+ear, and admirable appreciation of music, that often, in blind persons,
+seems like a compensation for the loss of the pleasures of the eye.
+
+Lady Marchmont became very kind to him. She was thoroughly good natured,
+and the sight of the blind youth, whose arm Marian held as they walked
+together, stirred all her kindly feelings. He was gentlemanlike
+and pleasant looking, and his manner, now divested of schoolboy
+_brusquerie_, was frank and confiding. Selina was disposed to like him,
+and to be interested in him. She found, too, that Marian did not like to
+go out when his amusement was not provided for; so at first for Marian's
+sake, then for his own, she made him join them when they went to
+concerts, or to any other amusement that could gratify him. Her bright
+liveliness and spirited way of talking, won him; and it delighted Marian
+to see what great friends they became, even to the length of laughing
+over the old Wreath of Beauty story together. And when at length she was
+brought, of her own accord, in some degree to patronise Clara, it was a
+triumph indeed; and Mrs. Lyddell was more obliged to Marian than for all
+the real benefits she had conferred, when she saw Clara dressed to go to
+a party at Lady Marchmont's.
+
+All this time Marian was becoming more and more a prey to that secret
+doubt, whether it might not be a duty to give up her cherished hope of a
+home at Fern Torr. She did not see how she could be spared. Clara was an
+admirable attendant on her mother, and was becoming a better mistress of
+the house; but she was not able to be at the same time a companion to
+her father and Lionel, and, poor girl, she would be very forlorn and
+much at a loss, without Marian's elder sisterhood; for the sense of help
+and reliance that Marian's presence gave her was little less. For her to
+go away, would be to bring home to Clara the loss of Caroline more than
+she had ever been left to feel it.
+
+Yet, on the other hand, Clara was no companion. They talked, indeed, but
+they never discussed,--never had any interchange of higher sympathies or
+reflections; it was not getting beyond the immediate matter in hand;
+and often Marian, would be sensible that, if her own pleasure were
+consulted, a walk or ride, with her thoughts free to range in meditation
+or day-dream, was preferable to Clara's chatter.
+
+Her own pleasure,--that she enjoyed but little, and less now than ever,
+for her time was never her own. There was Lionel on her hands almost
+every day, to be read to, or walked with; and if he went out with his
+father, or spent an hour in his mother's room, there was Clara wanting
+her quite as much, for gossip, exercise, or consultation. Mrs. Lyddell,
+too, must be visited; for though Marian was not the most beloved,
+or most welcome person in the world, yet a change of society and
+conversation was desirable, both for her sake and Clara's; so more
+than two hours every day were spent in her sitting-room. Then, in the
+evening, Marian's thoughts and ears must be free for Mr. Lyddell and
+Lionel. All her own pursuits were at an end, she had hardly touched a
+pencil the whole year, nor opened a German book, nor indeed any book,
+excepting what she read to Lionel, and these were many. She was very
+seldom able to enjoy the luxury of being alone; she could hardly even
+write her letters, except by sitting up for them; and even the valuable
+hour before midnight was not certain to be her own, for if Clara had no
+other time to pour out her cares, she used to come then, and linger in
+her cousin's room, reiterating petty perplexities, endless in detail.
+
+How delightful to escape from all this, to quietness, peace, freedom
+from her own cares and other people's,--Fern Torr air and scenery,
+Edmund and Agnes for companions, and liberty to teach school children,
+go about among her own people, do good in her own way, and enjoy her own
+studies. It was like a captive longing to be set free,--a wanderer in
+sight of home.
+
+But the captive paused on the threshold of the dungeon; the wanderer
+stood still on the brow of the last hill. Marian paced up and down her
+own room, and thought and reasoned half aloud,--
+
+  "Sweet is the smile of home, the mutual look,
+  When hearts are of each other sure;
+  Sweet all the joys that crown the household nook,
+  The haunt of all affections pure:
+  Yet in the world even these abide, and we
+  Above the world our calling boast."
+
+"And I am making them the world, if for their sake I give up what my
+conscience calls on me to do. I know, though I do little good here, my
+going away would make them more uncomfortable. Have I any right to seek
+my pleasure? But I should do more good there; I should go to school,
+read to the poor people, go to Church in the week, be more improved
+myself. O that home of peace and joy! And Gerald--my first duty is to
+him. But what harm would it do him? I could go home for his holidays. I
+must not deceive myself; I have been put in the way of positive duties
+here, or rather, ways of being useful have grown up round me. Is it
+right to run away from them,--poor Lionel, poor Clara! Would not every
+weary hour of Lionel's--every time Clara was teased, and teased
+her father,--be my fault? But how Edmund and Agnes will be
+disappointed!--they who will have been throwing away so much kind care!
+O you goose of a Marian! are you going to fancy it is for your sake that
+they mean to marry? don't you think they can do very well without you?
+How very silly to be sorry that it must be so!--how very, very silly!
+And even Gerald will marry one of these days, and will not want me; and
+shall I always be alone then? For as to that other sort of affection, I
+am sure it is quite certain that I can never care for any body enough to
+marry,--never half as well as for Gerald. No, no one will ever love me
+as I do others; every one has some one nearer to them; a lonely life,
+and never a home! Well, then there is a home somewhere else, and those
+who made my earthly home are waiting for me there, in the Land of the
+Leal."
+
+Such was the tenor of Marian's oft-repeated musings. The practical
+result was a resolution to consult Edmund when she should go to Fern
+Torr to his wedding, early in August. She could not write her pros and
+cons, but to Edmund she could tell them, and trust to him as a just and
+impartial judge; and if Agnes was angry, it would serve them, thought
+Marian, smiling, for a quarrel, for they won't have many other chances
+of one.
+
+However, the time drew on when, behold, every one's calculations were
+disturbed by a sudden dissolution of Parliament. Hitherto such events
+had not made much difference to the Lyddells; as Mr. Lyddell's election
+had been, for the last twenty years, unopposed; and the only doubt
+at present was, whether he thought it worth while to stand again,
+considering that he was growing old and weary of business, and besides
+could not well afford the London house.
+
+He had been hinting something of the kind to Lionel and Marian in the
+evening, as a matter under consideration and they had heard it with
+joy, when the next morning made a sudden change in affairs, by bringing
+tidings that Mr. Faulkner was soliciting the votes of Mr. Lyddell's
+constituents on the opposite interest, taking the wrong side of the
+question,--a most important one, upon which the dissolution had taken
+place.
+
+Here was indignation indeed. There was something so unfeeling in such a
+proceeding, on his part, that the mildest word spoken against him was
+Marian's, and that was "atrocious." To give up was one thing, to be thus
+turned out was quite another; and it was clearly right to the moral
+sense, as well as satisfactory to the indignant temper, that Mr. Lyddell
+should oppose "to the last gasp," as the furious Lionel expressed it,
+one who espoused principles so pernicious both in politics and religion.
+One thing was certain, that nobody would ever wish again that Caroline
+had married him. Ill as Mr. Lyddell could afford the expense of a
+contested election, his blood was up, and he was determined not to yield
+an inch. Never had Marian believed she could grow so vehement about
+anything that concerned him, but now her whole soul seemed to be in his
+success. He had always been on the right side; and now that a steadily
+growing sense of religion was influencing all his actions, he was just
+the fit person for his position, and Marian could, on principle, wish
+earnestly to see him retain it, for his own sake, as well as to keep out
+Mr. Faulkner. But, alas! poor Marian, that the ministers should have
+chosen this precise time, so as just to bring the election the very week
+of Edmund's wedding!
+
+What was to be done? Mrs. Lyddell could not believe that an election
+would go on right without dinner-parties of every visitable individual
+in the county; and how was Clara to manage them all? Mrs. Lyddell's only
+experiment, in coming into the room when there was company, had done her
+so much harm, that it was not on any account to be repeated; and her
+restlessness and anxiety,--her persuasion that nothing could be done
+well in which she was not concerned,--made the keeping her quiet a more
+anxious business than even the receiving company. There was Mr. Lyddell
+wanting to have lists written, and needing all sorts of small helps to
+which he had been used from his active wife; everything came on the two
+girls, and Marian did not see how she could be spared even for the three
+days it would take to go to the wedding.
+
+Perhaps that excitement about the election would have somewhat dulled
+the acuteness of the sacrifice, if it had not been for what was to come
+after it. The die must be cast without consultation with Edmund; she
+must write and tell them that their kind design for her was in vain.
+
+Gerald was at Oakworthy for the first week of his holidays, and he was
+the only person she could call to hold council with her. She had some
+difficulty in catching him; for he was galloping about with messages
+all day, figuring to himself that he produced a grand effect in the
+canvass,--making caricatures, describing them to Lionel, and conducting
+him wherever he was not expected to be seen. However, catch him she did,
+at bed-time, and pulling him into her room, propounded her difficulty.
+
+"Gerald, I don't see how I am ever to manage to go with you to their
+wedding."
+
+Ha? don't you? Well, it would be a pity to lose the nomination-day, and
+the show of hands; I should travel all night to be in time, but you
+could not, I suppose?"
+
+"I? why you don't think I should go to it?"
+
+"Lionel will--I am to take care of Lionel. Can't you go? What a bore it
+must be to be a woman! Well, then, why don't you come to the wedding?"
+
+"Because I think Clara will get into such a fuss, if there is no one to
+help her at the dinner the evening before. There is Mrs. Pringle coming
+to dine and sleep, so it can't be only a gentleman's party: and there is
+so much to do."
+
+"Whew! it will be very stupid of you not to come; and how Agnes will
+scold! But I suppose yen can't be everywhere. One would give up
+something for the sake of beating such a rogue as that Faulkner."
+
+"If we were but sure of doing it."
+
+"Sure! Why we shall smash him to shivers, if one fortieth part of the
+people are but as good as their word. Did I tell you, Marian, how I
+answered that old farmer to-day?" &c., &c., all which Marian had to
+hear, before she could get him back to the matter in hand.
+
+"I am almost sorry to give up those three days," he said, "though it is
+for their wedding; but you see, Marian," and the boy spoke with his air
+of consequence, "I think it is expected of me, and they would all be
+disappointed. It would not look as if it was well between Edmund and mo,
+if I was not present; but you can please yourself, you know."
+
+"Yes, yes, you could not stay away," said Marian; "I should be very
+sorry that you should. You must go."
+
+"And if I come away that afternoon, I may be back by the mail train by
+one at night, and be in time for the show of hands. Hurrah! I've a'mind
+to write to Jemmy, to buy up all the rotten eggs in Fern Torr."
+
+"You wild animal! But do be sensible a little while, Gerald, for I have
+something serious to ask your advice upon."
+
+"Well,"--and all the wisdom of sixteen was at her service.
+
+"I want to know what you think about my living here, or at Fern Torr?"
+
+"Hollo! why I thought it was settled long ago that you were to live at
+the Quarry with them."
+
+"So it was; but I don't know whether I am not more wanted here than
+there."
+
+"You don't mean that that have changed their mind, and don't want to
+have you?"
+
+"Not a bit--O dear, no! but I think, somehow, Clara and Lionel find me
+of more use than they would."
+
+"To be sure, this place would be in a pretty tolerable sort of a mess
+without you. I don't know how any of them would get on."
+
+"Well, then, I wanted your opinion, Gerald; I had better tell Edmund and
+Agnes that I ought to stay on here."
+
+"But what am I to do? I mean to be at Fern Torr in the holidays, I
+assure you, except a week or two, just to see Lionel; and I don't mean
+to have my holidays without you, I declare!"
+
+"O, I hope always to come home for them."
+
+"Why, then, if I have you when I am at home, I don't care,--I mean--"
+said Gerald, conscious of the egotism he was committing, "I mean you
+don't like it half so well, do you?"
+
+"O no--I mean--I don't know--"
+
+"Which do you mean?"
+
+"I don't know--at least, of course, I had rather be with Edmund and
+Agnes than anybody else, except you; but then, if I was thinking Lionel
+had no one to read to him, or to ride with, or that Mrs. Lyddell was
+worse, and Clara unhappy, I could hardly enjoy it."
+
+"You would not think so much about it if you were away from them."
+
+"Perhaps not, but it would be the same, and it would haunt me at night."
+
+"But, Marian, you can't give up Edmund and Agnes now they have built a
+room for you."
+
+"I must have it when I come for your holidays."
+
+"Well, you must do as you please," said Gerald.
+
+"And you won't be vexed?"
+
+"Vexed! Why should I? It is nothing to me, if I have you when I am at
+home; and, indeed, I don't see what poor Lionel would do without you. I
+suppose it is the best way, since you like it; only you must settle it
+with Agnes your own way. I shall tell her it is not my fault. Won't she
+be in a rage, that's all!"
+
+With which sentence Sir Gerald's acquiescence was conveyed, with little
+perception of the struggle in his sister's mind, and of the pain and
+grief it was to her to write to her cousin and friend, begging them to
+release her from her promise.
+
+As to the rest of the house, they never appeared to think at all about
+her quitting them; or if Clara and Lionel did, perchance, remember that
+it had been spoken of, they hoped it had blown over, and dreaded the
+revival of the idea too much to refer to it. Not one of the whole family
+guessed that to them was sacrificed the most treasured project of
+Marian's life.
+
+She had made up her mind, but she could not bear to write to tell her
+friend that her plans were frustrated; so it was to Edmund that she
+wrote the full detail of her reasons and regrets, begging him to forgive
+her, and to make her peace with Agnes; while she begged Mrs. Wortley to
+excuse her for missing the wedding.
+
+Edmund's answer was just what she wished, and indeed expected. "You are
+right," he said, "and it is of no use to tell you how sorry we are. It
+is impossible to be so selfish as to wish you to act otherwise, and in
+process of time you may perhaps obtain Agnes' pardon: in the mean time
+we never walk to the Quarry, without her abusing you for giving so much
+trouble for nothing. I would only advise one thing, namely, that you
+make no promise nor engagement respecting your place of residence, since
+circumstances may alter; and you had better not feel yourself bound.
+With this proviso we resign you to your own judgment, and to the place
+where you seem indeed at present to be most wanted."
+
+So wrote Edmund: Agnes did not write at all. Marian announced that she
+had given up going to the wedding. Clara was sorry she should miss it,
+but could not guess how she should have managed without her; and no
+one else had leisure to think at all, or else considered it quite as a
+matter of course that site should not go away when she was wanted.
+
+If any one had, seven years, or even one year ago, told Marian how she
+would spend that bridal day, her incredulity would have been complete.
+So absorbed was she in Mr. Lyddell's election affairs that she hardly
+had time to think about it, between hopes and alarms, doubts and
+intelligence, visitors and preparations, notes to be written and papers
+to be found, Clara to be helped, Mrs. Lyddell to be kept quiet, Lionel's
+news to hear, the dinner party to be entertained. Very differently had
+Marian now learnt to sit in company from former days. She had a motive
+now, in the wish to help Clara, and all her distant coldness had melted
+into a quiet, kind, obliging manner, which had taught her to take
+genuine interest even in common-place people, and caused it to be said
+that Miss Arundel had ceased to be shy and haughty. It was all one
+whirl, leaving no time for sitting down, and still less for musing.
+Lionel went indeed with his father to the committee-room, and was there
+half the day; for his services were wonderful, and particularly his
+memory for names and places, to which Mr. Lyddell declared he would
+rather trust than to any memorandum. He was thus out of Marian's way all
+the morning, but there was enough to occupy her without him, and in the
+afternoon he came home, full of news, and especially full of glory, in
+a conquest of his own, a doubtful voter, whom he had recollected, and
+undertaken to secure, had made the servant drive him round that way,
+canvassed on his own account, and obtained a promise, extracted as
+Marian suspected, by admiration of the blind young gentleman's high
+spirit and independence.
+
+Mr. Lyddell was particularly delighted; when became home very late, just
+before the eight o'clock dinner, he came up into his wife's room, and
+told her the whole story, told Marian all over again on the stairs, and
+told it a third time to some of the dinner guests, before Lionel came
+down. Marian saw he valued that vote above all the rest.
+
+Busy as the day had been, Marian was resolved to sit up till her
+brother's return at two o'clock in the morning, to hear his tidings, and
+she expected to enjoy the space for thinking; but the thoughts would
+not be settled, and instead of dwelling on Edmund and Agnes, she found
+herself continually going back to the voters' list, and counting up the
+forces on each side. Then she grew sleepy, and fell into a long musing
+dream of shapeless fancies, woke herself, tried to write to Agnes, and
+went off into her former vision of felicity in the house at the Quarry,
+which she indulged in, forgetting that she had renounced it. At last
+came the sounds of a carriage, and of opening doors. She met Gerald on
+the stairs, but he was sleepy and would say little. "It had all gone off
+very well--yes--nobody cried--he had a bit of wedding-cake for her, and
+here was a note, she should hear all about it another time;"--yawn, and
+he shut himself into his own room. That was all Marian obtained by her
+vigil. You, there was the note, put in with the wedding cards.
+
+  "MY DEAR MARIAN,--I can't relieve my mind by scolding
+  you, and I don't know what else you have a right to
+  expect after the way you have treated us. They tell me I
+  must write, and I have not a word to say, though I always
+  promised you should have the first letter from
+
+  "Your affectionate cousin,
+
+  "AGNES ARUNDEL."
+
+Wild as ever, thought Marian, as a little disappointed, she laid down
+the note, but she understood how Agnes had felt obliged to write, in
+hurry and agitation, and just because she felt deeply, had been unable
+to express herself otherwise than what some people would call foolishly
+and unsuitably.
+
+There was not much more of the wedding to be heard from Gerald the next
+morning, for he was full of the nomination, and proud of having Lionel
+under his especial charge.
+
+This day was as wild a bustle as the former one, and there was still
+more excitement in the evening. Of course the show of hands had been in
+favour of Mr. Faulkner, of course he and his proposer and seconder had
+behaved one only more disgracefully than the other, of course the rabble
+bad behaved shamefully, and the boys were almost beside themselves with
+wrath; and besides the details of all these matters-of-course, the boys
+had adventures of their own, for somehow Gerald and Lionel had been left
+in the midst of a vituperative mob, out of which Gerald had brought off
+his companion in a most spirited and successful way, without letting
+any one discover Lionel's blindness, which would have been the most
+efficient protection for both. Again and again Marian was told of the
+gallant way in which both boys had conducted themselves, and proud and
+pleased was she.
+
+Mr. Lyddell lost his seat, and the boys were half mad, a hundred times
+more concerned than he was himself, while Marian moralized to herself
+on why it was allowed to happen that he should be set aside from public
+life, just when he would have begun to act on truly sound principles.
+And yet perhaps the leisure he thus obtained, and the seclusion from the
+whirl of politics were the very things he needed, to draw him entirely
+apart from the world which had so long engrossed him.
+
+It was about sis weeks after this that Mr. and Mrs. Edmund Arundel, in
+acceptance of a warm invitation from Mr. Lyddell, were driving along
+the white road leading to Oakworthy, after a very pleasant visit to the
+Marchmonts, when Selina had treated Agnes so affectionately, as to cause
+her to forget all past neglect, and had, as Edmund said, scaled their
+friendship, by raving at Marian's decision, "It was too bad," said she,
+"when they had given up London,--the only thing that made it tolerable."
+
+To which, however, Agnes did not quite agree.
+
+"And now," said she, "I shall see whether Marian is happy."
+
+"I don't believe you wish her to be so," said Edmund.
+
+"No, I am not quite so spiteful," rejoined Agnes, "but in order to
+forgive her, I must think it a very great sacrifice."
+
+"And have a marvellously high estimate of our two selves," said Edmund.
+
+"What do I see?" said Agnes. "Look at those two people riding on the
+down up there against the sky, don't you see their figures? It is a
+lady. Gould it be Marian? No, she is riding so close to the other--he
+can't be a servant."
+
+"Lionel, I suspect," said Edmund.
+
+"The poor blind boy! O surely she does not ride alone with him! O what a
+pretty cantering on the turf. It is really Marian, I see now. How I do
+like to see her ride."
+
+A moment or two more, and descending from the high green slope, the two
+riders were on the road meeting the carriage. Marian looked her best
+on horseback, with her excellent seat, and easy, fearless manner, her
+little hat and feathers became her fine features, and the air and
+exercise gave them animation, which made her more like a picture of
+Velasquez and less like a Grecian statue than she was at any other time.
+Lionel rode almost close to her, a bright glow of sunshine on his lively
+face, and a dexterity and quickness in his whole air that made Agnes
+hesitate for a second or two, whether he could really be the blind
+youth. A joyous "How d'ye do?" was called out on each side. "Well,
+Lionel," then said Edmund, "are you quite well?"
+
+"O yes, thank you," replied a gay voice, "we thought we would see if we
+could not meet you."
+
+"We rode over the down," said Marian, "and we are going back the same
+way. We shall be at home as soon as you are. Good-bye. To the right,
+Lionel."
+
+And they were seen trotting up the hill again, then as the carriage came
+in sight of the front door, there was Lionel jumping Marian down from
+her saddle. Agnes did not know how to believe that he could not see, as
+she watched his upright bearing, and rapid, fearless step, so unlike the
+groping ways of persons who have lost their sight later in life.
+
+Clara presently came down, and Agnes was struck with her more thoughtful
+face, and collected manner, so unlike the giddy child she had last seen,
+not intellectual indeed, but quiet, lady-like, and sensible. And as to
+Mr. Lyddell, he looked so worn and so much older, so subdued in manner,
+and so free from those over civilities of former times, that Agnes made
+up her mind that he must not be hated.
+
+Of Mrs. Lyddell she saw very little, only sitting in her room for an
+hour each morning, as a visitor, but it was evident she was very much
+out of health, and a great charge to them all. Agnes could be sorry for
+her, but could not like her while she did not speak more cordially of
+Marian. All praise of her had something forced and against the grain,
+and Agnes thought her intensely ungrateful.
+
+Lionel interested Agnes extremely, with his happy, independent ways,
+unrepining temper and spirit of enterprise. He was always eager about
+some contrivance of his own, and just at this time it was wood-carving.
+His left hand showed as much sticking-plaster as skin, and he used to
+come into the drawing-room with it wrapped up in his handkerchief and
+say, "Here's another, Marian," when Marian very quietly produced her
+sticking-plaster, as if it was quite an ordinary matter; nay, would
+not follow up the suggestion that he should not have so sharp a knife,
+saying that it was much better to cut one's finger with a sharp knife
+than a blunt one. He had cut about twenty bits of wood to waste, to say
+nothing of hands, but he persevered with amusing energy, and before the
+end of the visit had achieved a capital old man's head for the top of a
+walking stick, which he presented to Edmund. He promised Agnes a set of
+silk winders, and in the mean time made great friends with her, getting
+her to tell him about her brother's sporting adventures, and in return
+making himself very amusing with relations out of his sailor brother's
+letters. Johnny had been concerned in the great exploit of climbing the
+Peter Bottle mountain, and Lionel was as proud of it as if he had done
+it himself, making Marian show everybody a drawing which Gerald had made
+of the appearance that Johnny must have cut, standing on one leg on the
+highest stone. They were also struck with the change in the manner in
+which Walter was regarded, and the pride and affection with which all
+the family spoke of his doings at his curacy.
+
+But that Marian, though not prominent, and apparently merely a guest,
+was necessary to the comfort of each member of the family, was a thing
+that at the end of a fortnight, Agnes could not deny. Nor could she
+attempt to make up a case to show that she and her husband were equally
+in want of her.
+
+"So, Marian," said she, as they parted, "I forgive you on condition of
+your spending Christmas with us."
+
+"And I ought to forgive you," said Edmund, "in consideration of the
+fulfilment of my prediction that you would not be able to leave the
+Lyddells when I was ready to receive you."
+
+Marian smiled, and watched them from the door. As they lost sight of
+the house, Edmund turned to his wife, saying, "How little we are fit to
+order events! Here, Agnes, I looked back at this house six years ago
+in a sort of despair. I was ready to reproach Providence, to reproach
+everything. I thought I saw my uncle's children in the way to be ruined,
+all his work undone, and there was I, unable to act, and yet with the
+responsibility of the care of them. I tell you, Agnes, I never was so
+wretched in my life. And yet what short-sightedness! There has Marian
+been, placed, like a witness of the truth, calm, firm, constant,
+guarding herself and her brother first, and then softening, and winning
+all that came under her influence."
+
+"Oh! but, Edmund, your coming home saved Gerald," said the wife, who
+could not see her husband's credit given away even to Marian.
+
+"I brought the experience and authority that she could not have, but
+vain would have been my attempts without the sense of right she had
+always kept up in his mind. Trouble has done much for those Lyddells,
+but I don't believe that without her, it would have had that effect:
+When I remember what Mr. Lyddell was, his carelessness, the painful
+manner in which he used to talk; when I see him now, when I think of
+what that poor Caroline was saved from, when I see the alteration in
+Clara, and watch that blind boy, then I see indeed that our little
+Marian, whom we thought thrown away and spoilt, was sent there to be
+a blessing. If she had been naturally a winning, gentle, persuasive
+person, I should have thought less of the wonder; but in her it is
+the simple force of goodness, undecorated. I once feared the constant
+opposition in which she lived, would harden her, but instead, she has
+softened, sweetened, and lost all that was hard and haughty in her ways,
+when it was no longer needed for a protection. Selina Marchmont has
+failed too in giving her the exclusive spirit which I once feared
+for her. It is as if she had a spell for passing through the world
+unscathed."
+
+"And you think she is happy?"
+
+"As happy as those that never look for their happiness in this world."
+
+Agnes sighed. "My vision has always been," said she, "to see Marian as
+happy as--ourselves."
+
+"She may be yet," said Edmund smiling, "but she has the best sort of
+happiness. She is in less danger of clinging to this world than we are.
+And somehow she gives me the impression of one too high and noble to
+seek her happiness in the way in which most people look for it. Yes,
+we ourselves, Agnes, we have a nest and home in this world; she stands
+above it, and her only relation with it is to make others happy."
+
+"She little thinks how we talk of her," said Agnes. "And still stranger
+it is, that with the reverence I have for her, I can play with her and
+scold her."
+
+A silence; ending with Agnes repeating,
+
+  "GOOD LORD, through this world's troubled way
+  Thy children's course secure;
+  And lead them onward day by day,
+  Kindly like Thee and pure.
+
+  "Be theirs to do Thy work of love,
+  All erring souls to win;
+  Amid a sinful world to move,
+  Yet give no smile to sin."
+
+
+
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE TWO GUARDIANS ***
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Two Guardians, by Charlotte Mary Yonge
+
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+Title: The Two Guardians
+
+Author: Charlotte Mary Yonge
+
+Release Date: February, 2006  [EBook #9926]
+[This file was first posted on October 31, 2003]
+
+Edition: 10
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE TWO GUARDIANS ***
+
+
+
+
+E-text prepared by Michigan University, Joshua Hutchinson, and the Project
+Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE TWO GUARDIANS
+
+or, HOME IN THIS WORLD
+
+by CHARLOTTE MARY YONGE
+
+THE AUTHOR OF "THE HEIR OF REDCLYFFE," "HENRIETTA'S WISH," "KENNETH,"
+"HEARTSEASE," "THE CASTLE BUILDERS," ETC.
+
+1871
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "Stay here, Marian! I don't care if all the world heard
+me."]
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+
+In putting forth another work, the Author is anxious to say a few words
+on the design of these stories; not with a view to obviate criticism,
+but in hopes of pointing to the moral, which has been thought not
+sufficiently evident, perhaps because it has been desired to convey,
+rather than directly inculcate it.
+
+Throughout these tales the plan has been to present a picture of
+ordinary life, with its small daily events, its pleasures, and its
+trials, so as to draw out its capabilities of being turned to the best
+account. Great events, such as befall only a few, are thus excluded,
+and in the hope of helping to present a clue, by example, to the
+perplexities of daily life, the incidents, which render a story
+exciting, have been sacrificed, and the attempt has been to make the
+interest of the books depend on character painting.
+
+Each has been written with the wish to illustrate some principle which
+may be called the key note. "Abbeychurch" is intended to show the need
+of self-control and the evil of conceit in different manifestations;
+according to the various characters, "Scenes and Characters" was meant
+to exemplify the effects of being guided by mere feeling, set in
+contrast with strict adherence to duty. In "Henrietta's Wish" the
+opposition is between wilfulness and submission--filial submission as
+required, in the young people, and that of which it is a commencement as
+well as a type, as instanced in Mrs. Frederick Langford. The design of
+the "Castle Builders" is to show the instability and dissatisfaction of
+mind occasioned by the want of a practical, obedient course of daily
+life; with an especial view to the consequences of not seeking strength
+and assistance in the appointed means of grace.
+
+And as the very opposite to Emmeline's feeble character, the heroine
+of the present story is intended to set forth the manner in which a
+Christian may contend with and conquer this world, living in it but not
+of it, and rendering it a means of self-renunciation. It is therefore
+purposely that the end presents no great event, and leaves Marian
+unrecompensed save by the effects her consistent well doing has
+produced on her companions. Any other compensation would render her
+self-sacrifice incomplete, and make her no longer invisibly above the
+world.
+
+_October 14th_, 1852.
+
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+  "With fearless pride I say
+  That she is healthful, fleet, and strong
+  And down the rocks will leap along,
+  Like rivulets in May."
+
+  WORDSWORTH.
+
+
+Along a beautiful Devonshire lane, with banks of rock overhung by tall
+bowery hedges, rode a lively and merry pair, now laughing and talking,
+now summoning by call or whistle the spaniel that ran by their side, or
+careered through the fields within the hedge.
+
+The younger was a maiden of about twelve years old, in a long black and
+white plaid riding-skirt, over a pink gingham frock, and her dark hair
+hidden beneath a little cap furnished with a long green veil, which
+was allowed to stream behind her in the wind, instead of affording the
+intended shelter to a complexion already a shade or two darkened by the
+summer sun, but with little colour in the cheeks; and what there was,
+only the pale pink glow like a wild rose, called up for the moment
+by warmth and exercise, and soon to pass away. Still there was no
+appearance of want of health; the skin was of a clear, soft, fresh shade
+of brown; the large dark eyes, in spite of all their depth of melancholy
+softness, had the wild, untamed animation of a mountaineer; the face and
+form were full of free life and vigour, as she sat erect and perfectly
+at ease on her spirited little bay pony, which at times seemed so lively
+that it might have been matter of surprise to a stranger that so young a
+horsewoman should be trusted on its back.
+
+Her companion was a youth some ten or eleven years her senior,
+possessing a handsome set of regular features, with a good deal of
+family likeness to hers; dark eyes and hair, and a figure which, though
+slight, was rather too tall to look suitable to the small, stout, strong
+pony which carried him and his numerous equipments, consisting of a long
+rod-case, a fishing-basket and landing-net, in accordance with the lines
+of artificial flies wreathed round his straw hat, and the various oddly
+contrived pockets of his grey shooting-coat.
+
+In the distance at the end of the lane there appeared two walking
+figures. "Mrs. Wortley!" exclaimed the young lady.
+
+"No, surely not out so soon!" was the answer. "She is in the depth of
+lessons."
+
+"No, but Edmund, it is, look, and Agnes too! There, Ranger has better
+eyes than you; he is racing to them."
+
+"Well, I acknowledge my mistake," said Edmund, drawing up his rein as
+they came upon the pair,--a pleasing lady, and a pretty blue-eyed girl
+of fourteen. "I did not believe my eyes, Mrs. Wortley, though Marian
+tried to persuade me. I thought you were always reading Italian at this
+time in the morning, Agnes".
+
+"And I thought you were reading Phædrus with Gerald," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"Ay," said Agnes, "we did not know what to make of you coming up the
+lane; you with your lance there, like the Red Cross Knight himself, and
+Marian with her palfry for Una."
+
+"The knight must have borrowed the dwarf's ass," said Edmund, laughing,
+and putting his lance in rest.
+
+"And where have you been, then, at this portentous time of day, Agnes?"
+asked Marian.
+
+"We heard a report of Betty Lapthorn's child having another fit," said
+Agnes, "and set off to see; but it turned out to be a false alarm. And
+now we are going up to the Manor House to ask Lady Arundel if she has
+any arrowroot for it, for ours is all used up."
+
+"Shall we find her at leisure?" added Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"Yes," said Marian. "Gerald has finished his lessons by this time.
+Mamma thought it would be too far for him to go with us, and besides he
+frightens the fish."
+
+"Which you are in too good training to do, Marian," said Mrs. Wortley.
+"And how is your papa to-day?"
+
+"Oh, it is a good day," said Marian: "he was up before we set off."
+
+"Down stairs? For perhaps we had better not go now, just after he is
+tired with coming down," said Mrs. Wortley. "Now, Mr. Arundel, you will
+tell me honestly, and this arrowroot will do just as well another time;
+or if Marian will carry home the message--"
+
+"Well," said Edmund, smiling, "to give you a proof of my sincerity, I
+think you had better perhaps go rather later in the day. My uncle very
+unnecessarily hurried himself, thinking that he was keeping me waiting
+to help him down stairs, and I thought he seemed rather tired; but he
+will be very glad to see you in the afternoon. Indeed, he would be very
+glad now, only you asked me as a question of prudence."
+
+"Don't make civil speeches at the end to spoil just such a reply as I
+wanted," said Mrs. Wortley. "I am afraid you do not think Sir Edmund
+much better since you were last at home."
+
+Edmund shook his head. "If he has not lost ground, it is well," said he,
+"and I think at least there is less pain."
+
+"Well, I will not keep you any longer," said Mrs. Wortley; "good-bye,
+and good sport to you."
+
+And with a wave of the hand on rode the two cousins, Edmund and Marian
+Arundel.
+
+"What an excellent thing it is for the village that those Wortleys are
+come!" said Edmund.
+
+"Yes; now that mamma cannot attend much to the school and poor people, I
+don't know what we should do without them. How different it was in old
+Mr. May's time! I hope we shall get the Church set to rights now, when
+papa is well enough to attend to it."
+
+"It is high time, certainly," said Edmund; "our Church is almost a
+disgrace to us, especially with the Arundel aisle, to show what our
+ancestors did."
+
+"No, not quite to us," said Marian; "you know papa would have done it
+all long ago, if the idea had not vexed poor old Mr. May so much. But
+Ranger! Ranger! where is Ranger, Edmund?"
+
+Edmund whistled, and presently, with whirring, rushing wing, there flew
+over the hedge beside them a covey of partridges, followed by Ranger's
+eager bark. Marian's pony started, danced, and capered; Edmund watched
+her with considerable anxiety, but she reined it in with a steady,
+dexterous, though not a strong hand, kept her seat well, and rode on in
+triumph, while Edmund exclaimed, "Capital, Marian!" Then looking back,
+"What a shot that was!" he added in a sort of parenthesis, continuing,
+"I am proud, Mayflower is not a bit too much for you now, though I think
+we must have given her up if you had had another tumble."
+
+"Oh, no, no, I do so delight in Mayflower, pretty creature!" said
+Marian, patting her neck. "I like to feel that the creature I ride is
+alive--not an old slug, like that animal which you are upon, Edmund."
+
+"That is decidedly ungrateful of you, Marian, when you learnt to ride
+upon this identical slug, and owe the safety of your neck to its quiet
+propensities. Now take care down this stony hill; hold her up well--that
+is right."
+
+Care was certainly needed as they descended the steep hill side; the
+road, or rather pathway, cut out between high, steep, limestone rocks,
+and here and there even bare of earth. Any one but a native would have
+trembled at such a descent but though the cousins paid attention to
+their progress, they had no doubts or alarms. At the bottom a clear
+sparkling stream traversed the road, where, for the convenience of foot
+passengers, a huge flat stone had been thrown across from one high bank
+to the other, so as to form a romantic bridge. Marian, however, did not
+avail herself of it, but rode gallantly through the shallow water, only
+looking back at it to observe to Edmund, "We must make a sketch of that
+some day or other."
+
+"I am afraid we cannot get far enough off," said Edmund, "to make a good
+drawing of it. Too many things go to the making of the picturesque."
+
+"Yes, I know, but that is what I never can understand. I see by woeful
+experience that what is pretty in itself will not make a pretty drawing,
+and everyone says so; but I never could find out why."
+
+"Perhaps because we cannot represent it adequately."
+
+"Yes, but there is another puzzle; you sometimes see an exact
+representation, which is not really a picture at all. Don't you know
+that thing that the man who came to the door did of our house,--the
+trees all green, and the sky all blue, and the moors all purple?"
+
+"As like as it can stare; yes, I know."
+
+"Well, why does that not satisfy us? why is it not a picture?"
+
+"Because it stares, I suppose. Why does not that picture of my aunt
+at Mrs. Week's cottage satisfy you as well as the chalk sketch in the
+dining-room?"
+
+"Because it has none of herself--her spirit."
+
+"Well, I should say that nature has a self and a spirit which must be
+caught, or else the Chinese would be the greatest artists on the face of
+the earth."
+
+"Yes, but why does an archway, or two trees standing up so as to
+enclose the landscape, or--or any of those things that do to put in the
+foreground, why do they enable you to make a picture, to catch this self
+and spirit."
+
+"Make the phial to enclose the genie," said Edmund. "Abstruse questions,
+Marian; but perhaps it is because they contract the space, so as to
+bring it more to the level of our capacity, make it less grand, and more
+what we can get into keeping. To be sure, he would be a presumptuous man
+who tried to make an exact likeness of that," he added, as they reached
+the top of the hill, and found themselves on an open common, with here
+and there a mass of rock peeping up, but for the most part covered with
+purple heath and short furze, through which Ranger coursed, barking
+joyously. The view was splendid, on one side the moors rising one
+behind the other, till they faded in grey distance, each crowned with
+a fantastic pile of rocks, one in the form of a castle, another of
+a cathedral, another of a huge crouching lion, all known to the two
+cousins by name, and owned as familiar friends. On the other side,
+between two hills, each surmounted by its own rocky crest, lay nestled
+in woods the grey Church tower and cottages of the village of Fern Torr;
+and far away stretched the rich landscape of field, wood, and pasture,
+ending at length in the blue line of horizon, where sky and sea seemed
+to join.
+
+"Beautiful! how clear!" was all Marian's exclamation, though she drew
+up her horse and gazed with eager eyes, and a deep feeling of the
+loveliness of the scene, but with scarcely a remark. There was something
+in the sight which made her heart too full for words.
+
+After a time of delighted contemplation, Ranger was summoned from a
+close investigation of a rabbit-hole, and turning into a cart track,
+the cousins rode down the side of the hill, where presently appeared
+an orchard full of gnarled old apple trees, covered with fruit of all
+shades of red, yellow, and green. A little further on were the large
+stone barns, and picturesque looking house, which enclosed a farm-yard
+strewn with heaps of straw, in which pigs, poultry, and red cows were
+enjoying themselves. The gate was opened by a wild-looking cow-boy, who
+very respectfully touched his cap; and at the house door appeared a nice
+elderly looking old fashioned farmer's wife, who came forward to meet
+them with bright looks of cordiality, and kindly greetings to Master
+Edmund and Miss Marian.
+
+"Thank you, thank you, Mrs. Cornthwayte," said Edmund, as he held
+Marian's pony; "we are come to ask if you will give our ponies stable
+room for a couple of hours, while we go fishing up the river."
+
+"O yes, certainly, sir, but won't you come in a little while and rest?
+it is a long walk for Miss Marian."
+
+They did comply with her invitation so far as to enter the large clean
+kitchen; the kitchen for show, that is to say, with the sanded floor,
+the bunch of evergreens in the covered kitchen-range, the dark old
+fashioned clock, the bright range of crockery, and well polished oaken
+table; and there, while Marian laid aside her riding-skirt, the good
+woman commenced her anxious inquiries for Sir Edmund.
+
+"Pretty much the same as usual, thank you," said Edmund.
+
+"No better, then, sir? Ah! I was afraid how it was; it is so long since
+I have seen him at church, and he used to come sometimes last summer:
+and my husband said when he saw him last week about the rent, he was so
+fallen away that he would hardly have known him."
+
+"It has been a very long illness," said Edmund.
+
+"Yes, sir; I do wish we could see him about among us again, speaking as
+cheerful as he used."
+
+"Why he is very cheerful now, Mrs. Cornthwayte," said Edmund. "No one
+who only heard him talk would guess how much he has to suffer."
+
+Mrs. Cornthwayte shook her head with a sort of gesture of compassionate
+admiration, and presently added,
+
+"But do you think he gets better on the whole, Master Edmund? Do the
+doctors say there is much likelihood of his being well again, and coming
+among us?"
+
+Edmund looked down and did not reply very readily. "I am afraid we must
+not hope for that; we must be satisfied as long as he does not lose
+ground, and I certainly think he has had less pain of late."
+
+A little more conversation passed between Edmund and the good wife, and
+a few words from Marian; after which they set off across one or two
+fields towards the place of their destination, Marian carrying her
+little sketching-basket in silence for some distance, until she suddenly
+exclaimed, "Edmund, is papa really getting worse?"
+
+"Why should you think so, Marian?"
+
+"I don't know, only from what you say when people inquire after him; and
+sometimes when I come to think about it, I believe he can do less than
+last year. He gets up later, and does not go out so often, and now you
+say he will never get quite well, and I always thought he would."
+
+"No, I am afraid there is no likelihood of that, Marian: the doctors say
+he may be much better, but never quite well."
+
+"But do you think he is better?"
+
+"He has had less suffering of late, certainly, and so far we must be
+thankful; but, as you say, Marian, I am afraid he is weaker than last
+time I was at home, and I thought him much altered when I came. Still I
+do not think him materially worse, and I believe I might have thought
+him improved, if I had been here all the winter."
+
+Marian became silent again, for her disposition was not to express her
+feelings readily, and besides, she was young enough to be able to put
+aside anxiety which, perhaps, she did not fully comprehend. It was the
+ordinary state of things for her father to be unwell, and his illness
+scarcely weighed upon her spirits, especially on a holiday and day of
+pleasure like the present; for though she often shared Edmund's walks
+and rides, a long expedition like this was an unusual treat.
+
+After traversing several fields, they entered a winding path through a
+copse, which, descending a steep hill side, conducted them at length to
+the verge of a clear stream, which danced over or round the numerous
+rocks which obstructed its passage, making a pleasant, rippling sound.
+Here and there under the overhanging trees were deep quiet pools, where
+the water, of clear transparent brown color, contained numbers of little
+trout, the object of Edmund's pursuit. But more frequently the water
+splashed, dashed, and brawled along its rocky way, at the bottom of
+the narrow wooded ravine in which the valley ended. It was indeed a
+beautiful scene, with the sun glancing on the green of the trees and
+the bright sparkling water; and Marian could scarcely restrain her
+exclamations of delight, out of consideration for the silence required
+by her cousin's sport. She helped him to put his rod together, and
+arrange his reel, with the dexterity of one who well understood the
+matter; and then sat down under a fern-covered rock with a book in her
+hand, whilst he commenced his fishing. As he slowly proceeded up the
+stream, she changed her place so as to follow him at a distance; now and
+then making expeditions into the wood at the side of the hill to study
+some remarkable rock, some tree of peculiar form, or to gather a
+handsome fern-leaf, or nodding fox-glove with its purple bells. Or the
+little sketch-book came out, and she caught the form of the rock with a
+few strokes of bold outline and firm shading, with more power over her
+soft pencil than is usual at her age, though her foliage was not of the
+most perfect description. Her own occupations did not, however, prevent
+her from observing all her cousin's proceedings; she knew whenever he
+captured a trout, she was at hand to offer help when his hook, was
+caught in a bramble, and took full and complete interest in the sport.
+
+At last, after a successful fishing up the glen, they arrived at a place
+where the ravine was suddenly closed in by a perpendicular rock of
+about twenty feet in height, down which the water fell with its full
+proportion of foam and spray, forming a cascade which Marian thought
+"magnificent,"--Edmund, "very pretty."
+
+"Edmund, I am afraid the Lake country has spoilt you for Devonshire. I
+wish they had never sent your regiment to the north!"
+
+"That would not prevent the falls in Westmoreland from being twice the
+height of this."
+
+"It would prevent you from saying that here it is not as beautiful as
+any thing can be."
+
+"And nothing short of that will satisfy you. You had better stand in a
+narrow pass, and challenge every passer-by to battle in defence of the
+beauty of Fern Torr."
+
+"I don't care about every body; but you, Edmund, ought to be more
+dutiful to your own home."
+
+"You are exclusive, Marian; but come," and he stuck his rod into the
+ground, "let us have some of your sandwiches."
+
+"Not till you confess that you like Fern Torr better than all the fine
+places that you ever saw."
+
+"Liking with all one's heart is one thing, admiring above all others is
+another, as you will find when you have seen more of the world, Marian."
+
+"I am sure I shall never think so."
+
+While this contest was going on, Marian had unpacked some sandwiches and
+biscuits, and they sat down to eat them with the appetite due to such
+a walk. Then came a conversation, in which Marian submitted to hear
+something of the beauties of the Lakes, in the shape of a comment on the
+"Bridal of Triermain," which she had brought with her; next an attempt
+at sketching the cascade, in which Edmund was successful enough to make
+Marian much discontented with her own performance, and declare that she
+was tired of sitting still, and had a great mind to try to climb up the
+rocks by the side of the fall. She was light, active, and well able to
+scramble, and with a little help here and there from her cousin's strong
+hand, the top was merrily gained; and springing along from rock to rock,
+they traced the windings of the stream even to the end of the copse and
+the opening of the moor. It was a great achievement for Marian, for even
+Edmund had only once been this way before when out shooting. She would
+fain have mounted to the top of a peak which bounded her view, but being
+assured that she would only find Alps on Alps arise, she submitted to
+Edmund's judgment, and consented to retrace her steps, through wood and
+wild, to Mrs. Cornthwayte's, where they found a feast prepared for
+them of saffron buns, Devonshire cream, and cyder. Then mounting their
+steeds, and releasing Ranger from durance in the stable, they rode
+homewards for about three miles, when they entered the village in the
+valley at the foot of the steep rocky hill, from which it was named Fern
+Torr. Excepting the bare rugged summit, this hill was well covered with
+wood, and opposite to it rose more gently another elevation, divided
+into fields and meadows. The little old Church, with its square tower,
+and the neat vicarage beside it, were the only buildings above the rank
+of cottages, of which some twenty stood irregularly ranged in their
+gardens and orchards, along the banks of the bright little stream which
+bounded the road, at present scarcely large enough to afford swimming
+space for the numerous ducks that paddled in it; but the width of its
+stony bed, and the large span of the one-arched bridge that traversed
+it, showing what was its breadth and strength in the winter floods.
+
+A little beyond this bridge was a wicket gate, leading to a path up
+the wooded height; and Edmund at this moment seeing a boy in a stable
+jacket, asked Marian if he should not let him lead the ponies round
+by the drive, while they walked up the steps. She readily agreed, and
+Edmund helping her to dismount, they took their way up the path, which
+after a very short interval led to a steep flight of steps, cut out
+in the face of the limestone rock, and ascending through ferns,
+mountain-ash, and rhododendrons for about fifty or sixty feet, when it
+was concluded by what might be called either a broad terrace or narrow
+lawn, upon which stood a house irregularly built of the rough stone
+of the country, and covered with luxuriant myrtles and magnolias.
+Immediately behind, the ground again rose so precipitously, that
+scarcely could coign of vantage be won for the garden, on a succession
+of narrow shelves or ledges, which had a peculiarly beautiful effect,
+adorned, as they were, with gay flowers, and looking, as Edmund was wont
+to say, as gorgeous and as deficient in perspective as an old piece of
+tapestry.
+
+"There is papa out of doors," exclaimed Marian, as she emerged upon
+the lawn, and ran eagerly up to a Bath chair, in which was seated a
+gentleman whose face and form showed too certain tokens of long and
+wasting illness. He held out his hand to her, saying, "Well, Marian,
+good sport, I hope, and no more tumbles from Mayflower."
+
+"Marian sits like a heroine," said Edmund, coming up; "I am glad to see
+you out."
+
+"It is such a fine evening that I was tempted to come and see the
+magnolia that you have all been boasting of: and really it is worth
+seeing. Those white blossoms are magnificent."
+
+"But where is mamma?" asked Marian.
+
+"Carried off by Gerald, to say whether he may have a superannuated sea
+kale pot for some purpose best known to himself, in his desert island.
+They will be here again in another minute. There, thank you, Edmund,
+that is enough," he added, as his nephew drew his chair out of a streak
+of sunshine which had just come over him. "Now, how far have you been? I
+hope you have seen the cascade, Marian?"
+
+"O yes, papa, and scrambled up the side of it too. I had no idea of any
+thing so beautiful," said Marian. "The spray was so white and glancing.
+Oh! I wish I could tell you one half of the beauty of it."
+
+"I remember well the delight of the first discovery of it," said Sir
+Edmund, "when I was a mere boy, and found my way there by chance, as I
+was shooting. I came up the glen, and suddenly found myself in the midst
+of this beautiful glade, with the waterfall glancing white in the sun."
+
+"I wish we could transplant it," said Edmund; "but after all, perhaps
+its being so remote and inaccessible is one of its great charms. Ah!
+young monkey, is it you?" added he, as Gerald, a merry bright-eyed boy
+of seven years old, came rushing from behind and commenced a romping
+attack upon him. "Take care, not such a disturbance close to papa."
+
+"O mamma, we have had the most delightful day!" cried Marian, springing
+to the side of her mother, who now came forward from the kitchen garden,
+and whose fair and gentle, but careworn, anxious face, lighted up with a
+bright sweet smile, as she observed the glow on her daughter's usually
+pale cheek, and the light that danced in her dark brown eye.
+
+"I'm glad you have had such a pleasant day, my dear," said she. "It is
+very kind in Edmund to be troubled with such a wild goose."
+
+"Wild geese are very good things in their way," said Edmund; "water and
+land, precipice and moor, 'tis all the same to them."
+
+"And when will you take me, Edmund?" asked Gerald.
+
+"When you have learnt to comport yourself with as much discretion as
+Marian, master," said Edmund, sitting down on the grass, and rolling the
+kicking, struggling boy over and over, while Marian stood by her papa,
+showing him her sketches, and delighted by hearing him recognize the
+different spots. "How can you remember them so well, papa," said she,
+"when it is so very long since you saw them?"
+
+"That is the very reason," he answered, "we do not so much dwell on what
+is constantly before us as when we have long lost sight of it. To be
+confined to the house for a few years is an excellent receipt for
+appreciating nature."
+
+"Yes, because it must make you wish for it so much," said Marian sadly.
+
+"Not exactly," said her father. "You cannot guess the pleasure it has
+often given me to recall those scenes, and to hear you talk of them;
+just as your mamma likes to hear of Oakworthy."
+
+"Certainly," said Lady Arundel. "I have remembered much at poor old
+Oakworthy that I never thought of remarking at the time I was there.
+Even flaws in the glass, and cracks in the ceiling have returned upon
+me, and especially since the house has been pulled down."
+
+"I cannot think how the natives of an old house can wilfully destroy all
+their old associations, their heirloooms," said Edmund.
+
+"Sometimes they have none," said his aunt.
+
+"Ay," said Sir Edmund, "when Gerald brings home a fine wife from
+far away, see what she will say to all our dark passages and corner
+cupboards, and steps up and steps down."
+
+"Oh! I shall not be able to bear her if she does not like them," cried
+Marian.
+
+"I suppose that was the case with Mrs. Lyddell," added Sir Edmund, "that
+she discovered the deficiencies of the old house, as well as brought
+wherewith to remedy them. He does not look like a man given to change."
+
+"He has no such feeling for association as these people," said Lady
+Arundel, pointing to Edmund and Marian; "he felt his position, in the
+country raised by her fortune, and was glad to use any means of adding
+to his consequence."
+
+"I should like to see more of them. I wish we could ask them to stay
+here," said Sir Edmund, with something like a sigh. "But come, had we
+not better go in? The hungry fishers look quite ready for tea."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+  "And now I set thee down to try
+  How thou canst walk alone."
+
+  _Lyra Innocentium_.
+
+
+Scarcely eight months had passed since the last recorded conversation,
+when Marian, in a dress of deep mourning, was slowly pacing the garden
+paths, her eyes fixed on the ground, and an expression of thoughtful
+sadness on her face. Heavy indeed had been the strokes that had fallen
+upon her. Before the last summer had closed, the long sufferings of her
+father had been terminated by one of the violent attacks, which had
+often been expected to be fatal. Nor was this all that she had to mourn.
+With winter had come severe colds and coughs; Lady Arundel was seized
+with an inflammation of the chest, her constitution had been much
+enfeebled by watching, anxiety, and grief, and in a very few days her
+children were orphans.
+
+It was the day following the funeral. Mrs. Wortley was staying in the
+house, as were also the two guardians of the young Sir Gerald Arundel
+and his sister. These were Mr. Lyddell, a relation of Lady Arundel; and
+our former acquaintance, Edmund Arundel, in whom, young as he was, his
+uncle had placed full confidence. He had in fact been entirely brought
+up by Sir Edmund, and knew no other home than Fern Torr, having been
+sent thither an orphan in earliest childhood. His uncle and aunt had
+supplied the place of parents, and had been well rewarded for all they
+had done for him, by his consistent well doing and completely filial
+affection for them.
+
+Marian was startled from her musings by his voice close at hand, saying,
+"All alone, Marian?"
+
+"Gerald is with Jemmy Wortley, somewhere," she replied, "and I begged
+Mrs. Wortley and Agnes to go down the village and leave me alone. I have
+been very busy all the morning, and my head feels quite confused with
+thoughts!"
+
+"I am glad to have found you," said Edmund. "I have seen so little of
+you since I have been here."
+
+"Yes, you have been always with Mr. Lyddell. When does he go?"
+
+"To-morrow morning."
+
+"And you stay longer, I hope?"
+
+"Only till Monday; I wish it was possible to stay longer, but it is
+something to have a Sunday to spend here."
+
+"And then I am afraid it will be a long time before we see you again."
+
+"I hope not; if you are in London, it will be always easier to meet."
+
+"In London! Ah! that reminds me I wanted to ask you what I am to say to
+Selina Marchmont. I have a very kind letter from her, asking us to come
+to stay with her directly, and hoping that it may be arranged for us to
+live with them."
+
+"Ah! I have a letter from her husband to the same effect," said Edmund.
+"It really is very kind and friendly in them."
+
+"Exceedingly," said Marian. "Will you read her letter, and tell me how I
+am to answer her!"
+
+"As to the visit, that depends upon what you like to do yourself. I
+should think that you would prefer staying with the Wortleys, since they
+are so kind as to receive you."
+
+"You don't mean," exclaimed Marian, eagerly, "staying with them for
+ever!"
+
+Edmund shook his head. "No, Marian, I fear that cannot be."
+
+"Then it is as I feared," sighed Marian. "I wonder how it is that I have
+thought so much about myself; but it would come into my head, what was
+to become of us, and I was very much afraid of living with the Lyddells;
+but still there was a little glimmering of hope that you might be able
+to manage to leave us with the Wortleys."
+
+"I heartily wish I could," said Edmund, "but it is out of my power. My
+uncle--"
+
+"Surely papa did not wish us to live with the Lyddells?" cried Marian.
+
+"I do not think he contemplated your living any where but at home."
+
+"But the Vicarage is more like home than any other place could ever be,"
+pleaded Marian, "and papa did not like the Lyddells nearly so well as
+the Wortleys."
+
+"We must abide by his arrangements, rather than our own notions of his
+wishes," said Edmund. "Indeed, I know that he thought Mr. Lyddell a very
+sensible man."
+
+"Then poor Gerald is to grow up away from his own home, and never see
+the dear old moors! But if we cannot stay here, I had rather be with
+Selina. She is so fond of Gerald, and she knows what home was, and she
+knew and loved--them. And we should not meet so many strangers. Only
+think what numbers of Lyddells there are! Boys to make Gerald rude, and
+girls, and a governess--all strangers. And they go to London!" concluded
+poor Marian, reaching the climax of her terrors. "O Edmund, can you do
+nothing for us?"
+
+"You certainly do not embellish matters in anticipation. You will find
+them very different from what you expect--even London itself, which, by
+the by, you would have to endure even if you were with Selina, whom I
+suspect to be rather too fine and fashionable a lady for such a homely
+little Devonshire girl."
+
+"That Mrs. Lyddell will be. She is a very gay person, and they have
+quantities of company. O Edmund!"
+
+"The quantities of company," replied her cousin, "will interfere with
+you far less in your schoolroom with the Miss Lyddells, than alone with
+my Lady Marchmont, where, at your unrecognized age, you would be in
+rather an awkward situation."
+
+"Or I could go to Torquay, to old Aunt Jessie?"
+
+"Aunt Jessie would not be much obliged for the proposal of giving her
+such a charge."
+
+"But I should take care of her, and make her life less dismal and
+lonely."
+
+"That may be very well some years hence, when you are your own mistress:
+but at present I believe the trouble and change of habits which having
+you with her would occasion, would not be compensated by all your
+attention and kindness. Have you written to her yet?"
+
+"No, I do not know how, and I hoped it was one of the letters that you
+undertook for me."
+
+"I think I ought not to relieve you of that. Aunt Jessie is your nearest
+relation; I am sure this has been a great blow to her, and that it has
+cost her much effort to write to you herself. You must not turn her
+letter over to me, like a mere complimentary condolence."
+
+"Very well," said Marian, with a sigh, "though I cannot guess what I
+shall say. And about Selina?"
+
+"You had better write and tell her how you are situated, and I will do
+the same to Lord Marchmont."
+
+"And when must we go to the Lyddells? I thought he meant more than mere
+civility, when he spoke of Oakworthy this morning, at breakfast."
+
+"He spoke of taking you back to London immediately, but I persuaded him
+to wait till they go into Wiltshire, so you need not be rooted up from
+Fern Torr just yet."
+
+"Thank you, that is a great reprieve."
+
+"And do not make up your mind beforehand to be unhappy at Oakworthy.
+Very likely you will take root there, and wonder you ever shrank from
+being transplanted to your new home."
+
+"Never! never! it is cruel to say that any place but this can be like
+home! And you, Edmund, what shall you do, where shall you go, when you
+have leave of absence?"
+
+"I shall never ask for it," said he with an effort, while his eye fell
+on the window of the room which had been his own for so many years, and
+the thought crossed him, "Mine no more." It had been his home, as fully
+as that of his two cousins, but now it was nothing to him; and while
+they had each other to cling to, he stood in the world a lonely man.
+
+Marian perceived his emotion, but rather than seem to notice it, she
+assumed a sort of gaiety. "I'll tell you, Edmund. You shall marry a very
+nice wife, and take some delightful little house somewhere hereabouts,
+and we will come and stay with you till Gerald is of age."
+
+"Which he will be long before I have either house or wife," said Edmund,
+in the same tone, "but mind, Marian, it is a bargain, unless you grow so
+fond of the Lyddells as to retract."
+
+"Impossible."
+
+"Well, I will not strengthen your prejudices by contending with them."
+
+"Prejudice! to say that I can never be as happy anywhere as at my own
+dear home! To say that I cannot bear strangers!"
+
+"If they were to remain strangers for all the years that you are likely
+to spend with them, there might be something in that. But I see you
+cannot bear to be told that you can ever be happy again, so I will not
+say so any more, especially as I must finish my letters."
+
+"And I will try to write mine," said Marian with a sigh, as she reached
+the door, and went up to take off her bonnet.
+
+Edmund lingered for a moment in the hall, and there was met by Mrs.
+Wortley, who said she was glad to see that he had been out, for he was
+looking pale and harassed. "I did not go out for any pleasant purpose,"
+said he. "I had to pronounce sentence on poor Marian."
+
+"Is it finally settled?" said Mrs. Wortley. "We still had hopes of
+keeping her."
+
+"Sir Gerald and Miss Arundel are of too much distinction in Mr.
+Lyddell's eyes to be left to their best friends," said Edmund. "It was
+hard to persuade him not to take possession directly, on the plea of
+change being good for their spirits."
+
+"It is very kind of you to put off the evil day," said Mrs. Wortley; "it
+will be a grievous parting for poor Agnes."
+
+"A grievous business for every one," said Edmund.
+
+"How? Do not you think well of Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell?"
+
+"I know my uncle never thought of these poor children's living with
+them. He thought Mr. Lyddell a good man of business, but neither he nor
+my aunt ever dreamed of such a home for them."
+
+"Would they have preferred Lady Marchmont's? Marian is very fond of
+her, and was much gratified by a very nice affectionate letter that she
+received this morning."
+
+"Yes, but I am glad she is out of the question. It is offering a great
+deal both on her part and her husband's to take charge of these two, but
+it would never do. She is almost a child herself,--a bride and beauty
+under twenty,--excessively admired, very likely to have her head turned.
+No, it would be too absurd. All her kindness, amiability, desire to make
+Marian her friend and companion, would only serve to do harm."
+
+"Yes, you are right; yet I cannot help half wishing it could be, if it
+was only to save poor Marian her terrors of going among strangers."
+
+"I know exactly how it will be," said Edmund. "She will shut herself
+up in a double proof case of shyness and reserve. They will never
+understand her, nor she them."
+
+"But that cannot go on for ever."
+
+"No; and perhaps it might be better if it could."
+
+"Well, but do you really know anything against them? He seems inclined
+to be very kind and considerate."
+
+"Electioneering courtesy," said Edmund. "But now you begin to question
+me, I cannot say that my--my mistrust shall I call it--or aversion? is
+much better founded than the prejudices I have been scolding poor Marian
+for. Perhaps it is only that I am jealous of them, and cannot think any
+one out of Fern Torr worthy to bring up my uncle's children. All I know
+of them is, that Mrs. Lyddell was heiress to a rich banker, she goes out
+a good deal in London, and the only time that I met her I thought her
+clever and agreeable. In their own county I believe she is just what a
+popular member's wife should be--I don't mean popular in the sense of
+radical. I think I have heard too something about the eldest son not
+turning out well; but altogether, you see, I have not grounds enough to
+justify any opposition to their desire of having the children."
+
+"How are they as to Church principles?"
+
+"That I really cannot tell. I should think they troubled themselves very
+little about the matter, and would only dislike any thing strong either
+way. If my aunt had but been able to make some arrangement! No doubt it
+was upon her mind when she asked so often for me!"
+
+"Yes, but there is this comfort," said Mrs. Wortley, seeing him much
+troubled, "that she did not seem to make herself anxious and restless on
+their account. She trusted them, and so may we."
+
+"Yes, that is all that one can come to," said Edmund, sighing deeply.
+"But Gerald! One pities Marian the most now, but it is a more serious
+matter for him."
+
+"Gerald will be more in your power than his sister," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"As if that was much comfort," said Edmund, half smiling, then again
+sighing, "when even for my own concerns I miss my uncle's advice at
+every turn. And probably I may have to go on foreign service next year."
+
+"Then he will be at school."
+
+"Yes. He was not to have gone till he was ten years old, but I shall try
+to hasten it now. He must go with his sister to Oakworthy though, for to
+begin without him there would be complete desolation in her eyes."
+
+Here the conversation was concluded by Marian's coming down to write her
+painfully composed letters. That to her cousin, Lady Marchmont, who,
+as Selina Grenville, had been a frequent and favourite visitor at the
+manor, ran glibly enough off the pen, and the two or three quiet tears
+that blotted the paper, fell from a feeling of affection rather than of
+regret; but the letter to old Mrs. Jessie Arundel, her great aunt, and
+one or two others which Edmund had desired her to write, were works of
+time. Marian's feelings were seldom freely expressed even to those whom
+she loved best, and to write down expressions of grief, affection, or
+gratitude, as a matter of course, was positively repugnant to her.
+
+The great work was not finished till late, and then came in Gerald and
+Agnes, and the tea drinking among themselves was rendered cheerful by
+Agnes' anticipations of pleasure in their going the next day to the
+parsonage for a long visit. Gerald began to play with her, and soon got
+into quite high spirits, and Marian herself had smiled, nay, almost
+laughed, before the gentlemen came in from the dining room, when the
+presence of Mr. Lyddell cast over her a cloud of dull dread and silence,
+so that she did not through the rest of the evening raise her head three
+inches from her book.
+
+Yet as Mrs. Wortley had said, Mr. Lyddell was evidently inclined to be
+kind to her and her brother. He patted Gerald on the head as he wished
+him good night, and said good-naturedly to Marian that she must be great
+friends with his girls, Caroline and Clara.
+
+Marian tried to look civil, but could not find an answer both sincere
+and polite, and Mrs. Wortley, speaking for her, asked if they were
+nearly of the same age as she was.
+
+"Well, I can't exactly tell," said Mr. Lyddell. "I should think she was
+between them. You are thirteen, aren't you, Marian? Well, Caroline may
+be a couple of years older, and Clara--I know her birthday was the other
+day, for I had to make her a present,--but how old she was I can't
+exactly recollect, whether it was twelve or thirteen. So you see you
+will not want for companions at Oakworthy, and you will be as happy
+there as your poor mamma used to be in the old house. Many was the laugh
+she has had there with my poor sister, and now they are both gone--well,
+there, I did not mean to overset you,--but--"
+
+Marian could not bear it. She could talk of her mother to Mrs. Wortley,
+Agnes, or Edmund, with complete composure, but she could not bear Mr.
+Lyddell's hearty voice trying, as she thought, at sentiment, and forcing
+the subject upon her, and without a word or a look she hurried out of
+the room, and did not come back all the evening. Agnes followed her,
+and pitied her, and thought Mr. Lyddell should have said nothing of the
+kind, and sat down over the fire with her in her own room to read hymns.
+
+The next day Mr. Lyddell left Fern Torr, and Marian was so glad to
+gee him depart as to be able to endure much better his invitations to
+Oakworthy. That same day Marian and Gerald went to the parsonage, and
+Edmund, after spending a quiet Sunday at Fern Torr, bade them farewell
+on the Monday morning.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+  "Where once we dwelt our name is heard no more,
+  Children not thine 'may tread' my nurseryfloor."
+
+  COWPER.
+
+
+The way of life at Fern Torr parsonage was so quiet as to afford few
+subjects for narration. Mrs. Wortley was a gentle, sensible person, very
+fond of Marian and Gerald, both for their own sake and their mother's,
+and to be with her was to them as like being at home as anything could
+be. Agnes was quite wrapped up in her friend, whom she pitied so
+heartily, and was to lose so soon. She had known no troubles except
+through Marian, she reverenced Marian's griefs, and in her respect for
+them was inclined to spoil her not a little. Then, through nothing
+against the Lyddells had ever been said to Agnes, she had caught
+all Marian's prejudiced dislike to them, and sometimes in lively
+exaggeration, sometimes in grave condolence, talked of them "as these
+horrid people."
+
+Marian felt every day was precious as it passed, and the time seemed to
+her far less than two months, when one day there arrived a letter from
+Mrs. Lyddell to announce that the family were about to leave London, and
+in the course of a week Mr. Lyddell would come to fetch her and Gerald
+to Oakworthy.
+
+The letter was kindly expressed, but this was lost upon Marian in the
+pain its purport gave her, and the difficulty of composing an answer.
+She chose her smallest sheet of writing-paper with the deepest black
+edge, wrote as widely as she could, and used the longest words, but with
+all Mrs. Wortley's suggestions, she could not eke out what she had to
+say beyond the first page. She would not even send her love to her
+cousins, for she said she could have no particular affection for them,
+and to express any pleasure in the prospect of seeing so many strangers
+would be an actual untruth.
+
+What a week was that which followed! Marian loved her home with that
+enthusiasm which especially belongs to the inhabitants of mountainous
+districts, and still more acutely did she feel the separation from all
+that reminded her of her parents. If she had not had Gerald to go with
+her she did not know how she could have borne it, but Gerald, her own
+beautiful brother, with his chestnut curls, dark bright eyes, sweet
+temper, and great cleverness and goodness, he must be a comfort to her
+wherever she was. Gerald was one of those children who seem to have a
+peculiar atmosphere of bright grace and goodness around them, who make
+beautiful earnest sayings in their simplicity which are treasured up by
+their friends, who, while regarding them with joy and something like
+veneration, watch them likewise with fear and trembling. Thus had his
+mother looked upon Gerald, and thus in some degree did Mrs. Wortley; but
+Marian had nothing but pride, joy, and confidence in him, unalloyed save
+now and then by the secret, half superstitious fear that such goodness
+might mark him for early death.
+
+By Marian's own especial desire, she went to almost every cottage to
+take leave, but all she could do was to stand with her head averted and
+her lips compressed, while Mrs. Wortley spoke for her. Her next task was
+to look over the boxes and drawers at the manor house, in case it should
+be let; for no one else could be trusted to decide what hoards of highly
+prized trifles should be locked up, and what must be thrown away. She
+alone could choose the little keepsakes to be given to old servants and
+village friends, and she must select what she would take to Oakworthy.
+
+She stood lingering before each picture, viewing the old familiar
+furniture with loving eyes, and sighing at the thought that strangers
+would alter the arrangements, look carelessly or critically on her
+father's portrait, think her wild garden a collection of weeds, and root
+up the flowering fern which Edmund had helped her to transplant. She
+went into her own room, and felt almost ready to hate the person who
+might occupy it; she lay down on the bed, and looking up at the same
+branch of lime tree, and the same piece of sky which had met her eyes
+every morning, she mused there till she was roused by hearing Gerald's
+voice very loud in the nursery. Hastening thither, she found him
+insisting that his collection of stones and spars was much too precious
+to mend the roads with, as their maid Saunders proposed, and Agnes
+settling the matter satisfactorily by offering to take them to adorn a
+certain den in the vicarage garden with. The ponies were to be turned
+out to grass, the rabbits were bestowed on James Wortley, and Ranger
+was to be kept at the vicarage till Edmund could come and fetch him,
+together with his books, which Marian had to look out, and she found it
+a service of difficulty, since "Edmund Gerald" could scarcely be said to
+answer the purpose of a proper name in the Arundel family.
+
+The last day at home arrived, the eve of S. James. Marian went to
+prepare her class at the weekly school, resolved to do just as usual to
+the last. She had to read them the conversation on S. James's Day in
+"Fasts and Festivals," but she could hardly get through with it, the
+separation between early friends reminded her so much of herself and
+Agnes, and then the comparison of the two roads, one in burning and
+scorching sunshine, the other in the cool fresh shade, almost overset
+her, for though she could not tell why, she chose to be persuaded that
+the first must be hers. But they both ended in the same place. She felt
+tears coming into her eyes, but she kept them down, and went on reading
+in a steady monotonous voice, as if the meaning was nothing to her; she
+asked the children questions in a dry, grave, matter-of-fact way, as if
+she had not the slightest interest in them or in the subject, though her
+heart was full of affection to the dullest and roughest among them, and
+when she went away, her nod, and "well, good morning," to the school
+mistress were several shades further from warmth than usual.
+
+All the way back from the school she was eagerly telling Agnes exactly
+the point where she left each child in her class, and begging her to
+say the kind things which she meant to have said to Grace Knight, the
+mistress.
+
+Agnes laughed and said, "I hope she will take my word for it all. Why
+could you not speak to her? At least I thought you were not afraid of
+her."
+
+"I don't know," said Marian. "I thought I could, but it is very odd. You
+see, Agnes, how it is; the more I care, the more I can't speak, and I
+can't help it."
+
+"Well, don't be unhappy about it," said Agnes. "I know what you mean,
+and am ready to take you as you are, and if other people don't, it is
+their own fault."
+
+Agnes was rather too fond of Marian to be exactly right here, for it was
+not at all a good thing that she should be encouraged in a reserve which
+led her not always to do as she would be done by.
+
+The two girls came in, lingered in each other's rooms while they
+dressed, and at last were called down stairs by Mrs. Wortley, who was
+ready to finish with them the last chapter of the book they had been
+reading aloud together. Gerald sat in the window, his friend Jemmy
+hanging over him, and the two together composing a marvellous
+battlepiece, in which Gerald drew horses, men, cannon, and arrows, and
+Jemmy, like a small Homer, suggested the various frightful wounds they
+should be receiving, and the attitudes in which they should fall. The
+general, with a tremendous Turkish sabre, an immense cocked hat, and
+a horse with very stiff legs, was just being represented receiving an
+unfortunate-looking prisoner, considerably spotted with vermillion
+paint, when a sound of wheels was heard, and both boys starting up,
+exclaimed, "Here he comes!"
+
+He, as Marian knew full well, was Mr. Lyddell; and a chilliness came
+over her as he entered, tall, broad, ruddy, treading heavily, and
+speaking loudly: and Gerald pressed close to her, squeezing her hand
+so tight that she could hardly withdraw it to shake hands with her
+guardian. With one hand he held her cold reluctant fingers, with the
+other gave Gerald's head a patronizing pat. "Well, my dears, how d'ye
+do? quite well? and ready to start with me to-morrow? That is right.
+Caroline and Clara have had their heads full of nothing but you this
+long time--only wanted to have come with me."
+
+Here Marian succeeded in drawing back her hand, and retreated to the
+window; Gerald was creeping after her, but Mr. Lyddell laid hold of his
+chin, and drew him back, saying. "What, shy, my man? we shall cure you
+at Oakworthy My boys will give you no peace if they see you getting into
+your sister's pocket."
+
+Gerald disengaged himself, and made a rapid retreat. It was a long time
+before he again appeared, and when Mrs. the housekeeper at the Manor
+House, came down in the course of the evening to say good-bye, she said,
+"And ma'am, where do you think I found that dear child, Sir Gerald, not
+two hours ago?" She wiped away a gush of tears, and went on. "I thought
+I heard a noise in the drilling room, and went to see, and there, ma'am,
+was the dear little fellow lying on the floor, the bare boards, for the
+carpet is taken up, you know, Miss Marian, before his papa's picture,
+crying and sobbing as if his heart would break. But as soon as I opened
+the door, and he saw me, he snatched up his hat, and jumped out at the
+open window, which he had come in by, I suppose, for I never heard him
+open the door."
+
+Marian, after her usual fashion, had no reply, but it was pleasant to
+her to think of what had taken place, since Gerald had not in general
+shown much concern at the leaving home.
+
+They all met at breakfast next morning; Marian, was firmly determined
+against crying, and by dint of squeezing up her lips, and not uttering a
+word, succeeded in keeping her resolution; but poor Agnes could eat no
+breakfast, and did nothing but cry, till Mr. Lyddell, by saying that her
+tears were a great honour both to herself and Marian, entirely checked
+them.
+
+"I hope," said Mr. Wortley, "that Mrs. Lyddell will not be very strict
+in inquiring into the quantity of Marian's idle correspondence. The
+friends there mean to console themselves with multitudes of letters."
+
+"Oh, certainly, certainly," said Mr. Lyddell. "Old friends for ever! So
+mind, Marian, I mean to be very angry if you forget to write to Miss
+Wortley."
+
+"Thank you," said Marian, knowing that she was saying something silly,
+and trying to smile.
+
+"Come, then," said Mr. Lyddell, "thank your friends once more for their
+kindness, and let us be going."
+
+Thanks from Marian were out of the question, and she tried to get out
+of hearing of the sentences beginning, "I am sure we shall always be
+sensible," "Nothing could be kinder," which her guardian was pouring
+out. She moved with Agnes to the door: the summer sky was deeply blue,
+without a cloud, the fresh green branches of the trees stood up against
+it as if bathed in light, the flower beds were glowing with gay
+blossoms, Gerald and Jemmy were playing with Ranger under the verandah,
+and the Church bells rang cheerfully for morning service, but alas! at
+the gate was the carriage, Saunders sitting sobbing on the outside,
+and David Chapple, Mr. Wortley's man, standing on one leg on the step
+talking to her. Near at hand was the gardener from the Manor House,
+waiting with his hands full of Miss Arundel's favourite flowers, and
+there stood old Betty Lapthorn and her grandchild, Gerald's nurse who
+had married, and the old man to whom the children had so often carried
+the remains of their dinner; all the school children too, and Grace in
+the middle of them, waiting for the last view of Miss Arundel and little
+Sir Gerald.
+
+Mr. Lyddell finished his acknowledgments, and Marian and her brother
+received an embrace and good-bye from their friends, David jumped down
+and shut the door, Saunders sobbed aloud, there was another good-bye
+from each of the Wortleys, and a hearty response from Gerald, Mr.
+Lyddell called out, "All right," and away they went.
+
+On went the carriage, past the Church, with its open door and pealing
+bell, the rocky steps up to the Manor House, nestled in the shrubs, the
+well known trees, the herds of longhorned, red cattle, the grey stone
+cottages, and the women and tiny children at the doors, the ford through
+the sparkling shallow brook, the hill with the great limestone quarry,
+the kiln so like a castle, the river and its bridge of one narrow, high
+pitched, ivy grown arch, the great rod rock, remembered as having been
+the limit of papa's last drive, the farm house in the winding valley
+beyond, with its sloping orchard and home field, the last building in
+the parish. They drove through the little market town, slowly wound up
+the heights beyond, looked down into the broad, beautiful space where
+the river Exe winds its blue course amid wood, field, and castled hill,
+descended, losing sight of the last of the Torrs, glanced at Exeter and
+its Cathedral, arrived at the station, and there, while waiting hand in
+hand on the platform, gazing at the carriage, and starting at each puff,
+snort, cough, and shriek of the engines, Marian and Gerald did indeed
+feel themselves severed from the home of their childhood.
+
+It was not till the afternoon that they left the railroad, and then they
+had a two hours' drive through a country which Marian found very unlike
+her own: the bleak, bare downs of Wiltshire, low green hills rising
+endlessly one after the other, the white road visible far away before
+them, the chalk pits white and cold, a few whitey brown ponds now and
+then, and at long intervals a farm house, looking as if it had been set
+down there by mistake, and did not like it, carts full of chalk, and
+flocks of sheep the chief moving objects they met, and not many of them.
+
+Marian sighed, yawned, and looked at Gerald many a time before they at
+length came to a small, very neat-looking town, where the houses stood
+far back from the street, and had broad clean pavement in front of them.
+"This is Oakworthy," said Mr. Lyddell, and Marian looked with interest.
+The church was just outside the town, white, and clean looking, like
+everything else, and with a spire. That was all she could see, for they
+drove on by the side of a long park wall, enclosing a fir plantation.
+The gate of a pretty lodge was thrown back, and they entered upon a
+gravelled carriage-road, which, after some windings, led to a large
+house, built of white brick, regular and substantial. They stopped under
+the portico at the door, and Mr. Lyddell, as he handed Marian out of the
+carriage, exclaimed, "Welcome to Oakworthy Park!"
+
+It seemed to Marian that there was a whole crowd waiting for her in the
+hall, and she had received at least three kisses before she had time to
+look around her, and perceive that this formidable troop consisted of a
+tall, fresh-coloured lady, two girls, and two little boys. Each of
+the girls eagerly grasped one of her hands, and drew her into the
+drawing-room, exclaiming, "I am glad you are come!" Here were two more
+strangers, youths of the age at which their juniors call them men, and
+their seniors, boys. They did not trouble the guests with any particular
+demonstrations of welcome, only shaking hands with them carelessly, and
+after another moment or two Marian found herself sitting on a chair,
+very stiffly and upright, while Gerald stood about two feet from her,
+afraid of a second accusation of getting into her pocket, looking down,
+and twisting the handles of her basket.
+
+"Lionel, Johnny," said Mrs. Lyddell, "have you nothing to say to your
+cousin? Come here, my dear, and tell me, were you very sorry to leave
+Fern Torr?"
+
+Gerald coloured and looked at his sister, who replied by a hesitating,
+faltering, "Yes, very."
+
+"Ah! yes, I see," said Mrs. Lyddell, "but you will soon be at home
+here. It shall not be my fault or your cousins' if you are not,--eh,
+Caroline?"
+
+"Indeed it shall not," returned Caroline, again taking Marian's hand,
+at first pressing it cordially, but letting it go on feeling the limp,
+passive fingers, which were too shy and frightened to return the
+pressure.
+
+Mr. Lyddell came in, and while his wife was engaged in speaking to him,
+Marian had time to make her observations, for the chilling embarrassment
+of her manner had repelled the attentions of her cousins. Though she had
+never seen them before, she knew enough about them to be able to fit the
+names to the persons she saw before her, and make a few conjectures as
+to how she would like them.
+
+That youth in the odd-looking, rough, shapeless coat, yet with a certain
+expensive, fashionable air about the rest of his dress, who stood
+leaning against the chimney-piece in a nonchalant attitude, was
+her eldest cousin, Elliot Lyddell. The other, a great contrast in
+appearance, small, slender, and pale, with near-sighted spectacles
+over his weak, light grey eyes, dressed with scrupulous precision and
+quietness, who had retreated to the other end of the room and taken up
+a book, was Walter. The elder girl, Caroline, was about fifteen, a very
+pleasing likeness of her mother, with a brilliant complexion, bright
+blue eyes, and a remarkably lively and pleasant smile, which Marian was
+so much taken with, that she wished she could have found something to
+say, but the dress and air both gave her the appearance of being older
+than Agnes, and thus made Marian feel as if she was a great way above
+and beyond her. The other sister had a fair, pretty face, much more
+childish, with beautiful glossy light hair, and something sweet and
+gentle in her expression, and Marian felt warmly towards her because she
+was her mother's god-child, and bore the same name.
+
+The younger boys, Lionel and John, were nice-looking little fellows of
+nine and seven. They had drawn towards Walter, gazing all the time at
+Gerald, and all parties were rejoiced when Mrs. Lyddell, after a few
+more attempts at conversation, proposed to take the guests to their
+rooms.
+
+With a light, quick step, she led the way up two staircases and a long
+passage, to a good-sized, comfortable room intended for Marian, while
+Gerald's was just opposite. With a civil welcome to Saunders, kind hopes
+that Marian would make herself at home, and information that dinner
+would he ready at seven, she left the room, and Saunders proceeded with
+the young lady's toilette. Gerald stood gazing from the window at the
+trees and little glimpse of the town in the distance. He said little,
+and seemed rather forlorn till leave was given him to unpack some goods
+which he could not easily damage. Just as Marian was dressed, there was
+a knock at the door, and without waiting for an answer, Caroline
+and Clara entered, the former saying, "I hope you find everything
+comfortable: you see we make you quite at home, and stand on no
+ceremony."
+
+It was pleasantly said, but Marian only gave a constrained smile, and
+answered, "Thank you," in such an awkward, cold way, that Caroline was
+thrown back. Her sister, only conscious of freedom from the restraints
+of the drawing-room, began exclaiming in short sentences, "O what a
+pretty basket! so you have out your work already! what a lovely pattern!
+how quick you have been in dressing! we came to see how you were getting
+on. O what is this pretty box? do let me see."
+
+"A work-box," said Marian, by no means disposed to turn out all the
+small treasures it contained for Clara's inspection.--Caroline perceived
+this, and said with a little reproof to Clara,
+
+"You curious child! Perhaps Marian would like to come and see the
+schoolroom before going down."
+
+"Oh, yes," said Clara; "you must come. You have not seen Miss Morley
+yet,--our governess,--poor, unfortunate, faithful Morley, as we always
+call her."
+
+This manner of mentioning the governess, and before Saunders too,
+greatly surprised Marian, and she felt little inclination to face
+another stranger; but she could think of no valid objection, and allowed
+herself and Gerald to be conducted down one of the flights of stairs
+into a passage less decorated than the rest of the house. Clara threw
+open a door, calling out, "Here they are!" and Marian found herself in
+the presence of a little, nicely dressed lady, who looked very little
+older than Caroline, and had a very good-natured face. Coming forward
+with a smile, she said, "Miss Arundel, I believe. I hope you are quite
+well, and not tired. Sir Gerald, how d'ye do? We shall be good friends,
+I am sure."
+
+Gerald shook hands, and Marian thought she ought to do so too; but it
+had not been her first impulse, and it was too late, so she only made
+a stiff bend of head and knee. Clara, happily unconscious of the
+embarrassment with which Marian had infected Caroline, went on talking
+fast and freely:
+
+"So, you see, this is the schoolroom. There is Caroline's desk, and here
+is mine; and we have made room for you here. I suppose you have a desk.
+And here are all our books, and our chiffonnière; Caroline has one side
+and I the other. Oh, I must show you my last birthday presents. Ah!
+aren't we lucky to have got such a nice view of the terrace and the
+portico from here! We can always see the people coming to dinner, and
+when the gentlemen go out riding, it is such fun, and--"
+
+"My dear Clara," interposed Miss Morley, seeing Marian's bewildered
+looks, "your cousin is not used to such a chatterbox. I assure you,
+Miss Arundel, that Clara has been quite wild for the last week with the
+prospect of seeing you. I have actually not known what to do with her."
+
+Marian gave one of her awkward smiles, and said nothing.
+
+"You left Devonshire this morning, I think?" said Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes, we did."
+
+"Fern Torr is in a very beautiful part of the country, is it not?"
+
+"Yes, very."
+
+They were getting on at this rate when Mrs. Lyddell came in, and took
+Marian and Gerald down to the drawing-room with her, as it was almost
+dinner time. No sooner had the door closed behind them, than governess
+and pupils at once exclaimed, "How pale!" "how shy!" "how awkward!"
+
+"I dare say that is only shyness," said Caroline, "but I must say I
+never saw anything so stiff and chilly."
+
+"Yes, that she is," said Clara, "but it's only shyness; I am sure she is
+a dear girl. But how white she is! I thought she would have been pretty,
+because they say the Arundels are all so handsome."
+
+"She has fine eyes," said Miss Motley; "and that dear little Sir Gerald,
+I am sure we shall all be in love with him."
+
+"Well, I hope we may get on better in time," said Caroline, taking up a
+book, and settling herself in a most luxurious attitude in spite of the
+unaccommodating furniture of the schoolroom.
+
+Marian recovered a little at dinner, and was not quite so monosyllabic
+in her replies. Her netting was a great resource when she went into the
+drawing-room after dinner, and she began to feel a little less rigid and
+confused, made some progress in acquaintance with Clara, and when she
+went to bed was not without hopes of, in time, liking both her and
+Caroline very much.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+  "A place where others are at home,
+  But all are strange to me."
+
+  _Lyra Innocentium._
+
+
+Marian began the next morning by wondering what a Sunday at Oakworthy
+would be like, but she was glad the formidable first meeting was over,
+and greeted Gerald cheerfully when he came into the room.
+
+After a few minutes a bell rang, and Marian, thinking it must be for
+family prayers, hastened into the passage, wondering at herself for
+not having asked last night where she was to go. She was glad to meet
+Caroline coming out of her room, and after quickly exchanging a "good
+morning," she said, "Was that the bell for prayers?"
+
+"No, it was for the servants' breakfast," said Caroline "and for ours in
+the schoolroom too."
+
+"But don't you have prayers in the morning?" said Gerald,
+
+"No," answered Caroline gravely.
+
+"Why not," the little boy was beginning but Marian pressed his hand
+to check him, shocked herself, and sorry for Caroline's sake that the
+question had been asked.
+
+Caroline spoke rather hurriedly, "I wish we could, but you see papa is
+out so often, and there are so many people staying here sometimes: and
+in London, papa is so late at the House--it is very unlucky, but it
+would not do, it is all so irregular."
+
+"What?" said Clara, hopping down stairs behind them. "O, about prayers!
+We have not had any in the school room since Miss Cameron's time."
+
+"Miss Cameron used to read a chapter and pray with us afterwards," said
+Caroline; "but when she was gone, mamma said she did not like the book
+she used."
+
+"Besides, it was three quarters out of her own head, and that wasn't
+fair, for she used to go on such a monstrous time," said Clara.
+
+"Hush, Clara," said her sister, "and mamma has never found a book she
+does think quite fit."
+
+"There's the Prayer Book," said Gerald.
+
+"O that is only for Church," said Clara, opening the schoolroom door;
+"O she is not here! Later than ever. Well, Marian, what do you think of
+her?"
+
+"Of whom?" asked Marian.
+
+"Of poor unfortunate faithful Morley," said Clara.
+
+"You call her so after Queen Anne?"
+
+"Yes," said Caroline, "and you will see how well the name suits her when
+you are fully initiated."
+
+"But does she like it?"
+
+"Like it?" and Clara fell into a violent fit of laughing, calling out to
+Lionel, who just then came in, "Here is Marian asking if we call Miss
+Morley 'poor unfortunate' whenever we speak to her."
+
+"She is coming," said Lionel, and Clara sunk her boisterous laughter
+into a titter, evident enough to occasion Miss Morley to ask what
+made them so merry, but the only answer she received was from Lionel,
+"Something funny," and then both he and Clara burst out again into
+laughter, his open, and hers smothered.
+
+Marian looked amazed. "Ah! you are not used to such ways," said the
+governess; "Clara and Lionel are sometimes sad creatures."
+
+Breakfast took a very long time, and before it was quite over, Mrs.
+Lyddell came in, spoke in her rapid, good-natured tone to Marian and
+Gerald, and remarked rather sharply to Miss Morley that she thought they
+grew later and later every Sunday. Nevertheless, no one went on at all
+the faster after she was gone. Miss Morley continued her talk with
+Caroline and Clara about some young friends of theirs in London, and
+Lionel and Johnny went on playing tricks with their bread and butter,
+accompanied by a sort of secret teasing of Clara. Nothing brought them
+absolutely to a conclusion till one of the servants appeared in order to
+take away the things, and unceremoniously bore away John's last piece of
+bread and cup of tea.
+
+Johnny looked up at the man and made a face at him; Miss Morley shook
+her head, and Caroline said, "How can you be so naughty, Johnny? it
+serves you quite right, and I only wish it happened every morning."
+
+"Come, Gerald, and see the ponies," said Lionel.
+
+"My dears," said Miss Morley, "you know your mamma never likes you to go
+out before Church especially to the stables; you only get hot, and you
+make us late with waiting for you."
+
+"Nobody asked you to wait for us," said John. "Come, Gerald."
+
+"No, I see Sir Gerald is a good little boy, and is coming steadily with
+us," said Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes, Gerald, do," said Marian.
+
+"There will be plenty of time by and by," said Gerald, sitting down
+again.
+
+"O very well," said John. "Well, if you won't, I will; I want to see
+Elliot's colt come in from exercising, and he will be sure to be there
+himself now."
+
+Lionel and Johnny ran off, Caroline looked distressed, and went out into
+the passage leaving the door open. Walter was coming along it, and as
+she met him, she said, "Walter, the boys are off to the stable again;
+we shall have just such a fuss as we had last Sunday if you cannot stop
+them. Is Elliot there again?"
+
+"I am afraid he is," said Walter.
+
+"Then there is no chance!" said Caroline, retreating; but at that moment
+Lionel and John came clattering down from their own distant abode at the
+top of the house. "Who likes to walk with me through, the plantations to
+Church?" said Walter; "I was coming to ask if you liked to show that way
+to Gerald."
+
+Lionel and John, who had a real respect for Walter, thought it best to
+keep silence on their disobedient designs, and accept the kind offer.
+Gerald gladly joined them, and off they set. Miss Morley, Caroline, and
+Clara, had all gone different ways, and Marian remained, leaning her
+forehead against the window, thinking what her own dear Sunday-school
+class were doing at Fern Torr, and feeling very disconsolate. She had
+stood in this manner for some minutes when Clara came to tell her it was
+time to prepare for Church, followed her to her room, and contrived to
+make more remarks on her dress than Marian could have thought could
+possibly have been bestowed on a plain black crape bonnet and mantle.
+
+Through all the rather long walk, Clara still kept close to her, telling
+who every one was, and talking incessantly, till she felt almost
+confused, and longed for the quietness of the church. Mr. Lyddell's pew
+was a high, square box, curtained round, with a table and a stove, so
+that she hardly felt as if she was in church, and she was surprised not
+to see Elliot Lyddell there.
+
+They had to walk quickly back after the service, dine hurriedly, and
+then set off again for the afternoon service. Miss Morley sighed, and
+said that the second long hot walk almost killed her, and she went so
+slowly that the schoolroom party all came in late. They found no one in
+the pew but Mrs. Lyndell and Walter, and Marian once more sighed and
+wondered.
+
+On coming home, Miss Morley went in to rest, but as it was now cool and
+pleasant, her pupils stayed out a little longer to show the park and
+garden. They were very desirous of making the Arundels admire all they
+saw, and Lionel and John were continually asking, "Have you anything
+like that at Fern Torr?"
+
+Gerald, jealous for the honor of home, was magnificent in his
+descriptions, and unconscious that he was talking rhodomontade.
+According to him, his park took in a whole mountain, his house was quite
+as large and much handsomer than Mr. Lyddell's, the garden was like the
+hanging gardens of Babylon, and greenhouses were never wanted there, for
+"all sorts of things" would grow in the open air. His cousins were so
+amazed that they would hardly attend to Marian's explanations, and
+thought her description of the myrtle, which reached to the top of the
+house, as fabulous as his hanging gardens.
+
+"And, Marian, what do you think of this place?" asked Clara.
+
+After some pressing, the following reply was extracted:--"It is so shut
+in with fir-trees, but I suppose you want them to hide the town, and
+there is nothing to see if they were away."
+
+"O Marian!" said Caroline, "when we showed you the beautiful view over
+the high gate."
+
+"But there was no hill, and no wood, and no water."
+
+"Did you not see Oakworthy Hill?"
+
+"That tame green thing!" said Marian.
+
+"The truth is," said Johnny, "that she likes it the best all the time,
+only she won't own it."
+
+"Nonsense, Johnny," replied Lionel, "every one likes their own
+home best, and I like Marian for not pretending to be polite and
+nonsensical."
+
+"And I tell you," said Gerald, "that you never saw anything so good as
+my Manor house in your whole life."
+
+Here they went in, and Marian gently said to Gerald as they came
+into her room, "I wish you would not say _my_, Gerald, it seems like
+boasting. My park--my house--"
+
+Gerald hung his head, and the colour came deeply into his cheeks.
+"Marian," said he, "you know how I wish it wasn't mine now," and the
+tears were in his eyes. "But they boast over me, and they ought not, for
+I'm Sir--"
+
+"Oh! hush, Gerald. You used never to like to hear yourself called so,
+because it put you in mind--. Yes, I know they boast; but this is not
+the way to stop them, it only makes them go on; and what does it signify
+to you? it does not make this place really better than home."
+
+"Yes, but I want them to know it."
+
+"But you should not want to set yourself up above them. If you don't
+answer, and, let them say what nonsense they please, it would be the
+best way, and the right way, and so you would humble yourself, which is
+what we must all do Gerald."
+
+Gerald was silenced, but looked dissatisfied; however, there was no
+more time to talk, for Clara came to say that tea was almost ready, and
+Marian rang for Saunders. Gerald looked as if he was meditating when
+first they sat down to tea, and after some little time he abruptly
+began, "I don't like your church at all. It is just like a room, and
+nobody makes any noise."
+
+"Nobody makes any noise," repeated Caroline, smiling; "is that Fern Torr
+fashion?"
+
+"I do not mean exactly a noise," said Gerald, "but people read their
+verse of the psalm, and say Amen, and all that, quite loud. They don't
+leave it all to the clerk in his odd voice."
+
+Lionel mimicked the clerk so drolly, that in spite of "Don't, my dear,"
+and "O! Lionel," nobody could help laughing; and Johnny added an
+imitation of the clerk at their church in London. After the mirth was
+over, Gerald went on, "Why does not every one say Amen here?"
+
+"Like so many charity children," said Lionel, with a nasal drawl.
+
+"No, indeed!" cried Gerald, indignantly; "Edmund does it, and
+everybody."
+
+"Everybody! as if you could tell, who never went to church in your life,
+except at that little poky place," said Johnny,
+
+Gerald's colour rose, but Marian's eye met his, and he remembered what
+she had said, and answered quietly, "I don't know whether Fern Torr is
+poky, but it is a place where people are taught to behave well."
+
+"Capital, Gerald, excellent!" cried Caroline, laughing heartily, "that
+is a hit, Lionel, for you!" while Gerald looked round him, amazed at the
+applause with which his speech, made in all simplicity, was received.
+
+As soon as tea was over, Miss Morley called Lionel and John to repeat
+the Catechism, and added doubtfully, "Perhaps Sir Gerald would rather
+wait for next Sunday."
+
+"O no, thank you," said Marian, "we always say it."
+
+"You need not, Marian," said Caroline, "we never do, only it would be so
+troublesome for the boys to have to learn it at school."
+
+"I should like to say it if Miss Morley has no objection," said Marian.
+
+"Oh! yes, certainly," was the answer. "See, Lionel, there is an example
+for you."
+
+Marian and Gerald stood upright, with their hands behind them, just as
+they had stood every Sunday since they could speak; Lionel was astride
+on the music stool, spinning round and round, and Johnny balancing
+himself with one leg on the floor, and one hand on the window sill. When
+the first question was asked, the grave voice that replied, "Edmund
+Gerald," was drowned in a loud shout--
+
+  "Jack Lyddell, Jack Lyddell,
+  Shall play on the fiddle"--
+
+evidently an old worn out joke, brought to life again in the hope of
+making the grave cousins laugh, instead of which they stood aghast. Miss
+Morley only said imploringly, "Now, Johnny, my dear boy, _do_," and
+proceeded to the next question. Throughout the two boys were careless
+and painfully irreverent, and the governess, annoyed and ashamed,
+hurried on as fast as she could, in order to put an end to the
+unpleasant scene. When it was over she greatly admired the correctness
+of Gerald's answers, seeming to think it extraordinary that he should
+not have made a single mistake; whereas Marian would have been surprised
+if he had. Gerald whispered to his sister as they went down to the
+drawing-room, "Would it not be fun to see what Mr. Wortley would say to
+Lionel and Johnny, if he had them in his class?"
+
+On Monday, Marian and Gerald began to fall into the habits of the place,
+and to learn the ways of their cousins, though it was many years before
+they could be said really to understand them.
+
+Of their guardian himself, they found they should see very little, for
+their four schoolroom companions, his own children, had but little
+intercourse with him. Sometimes, indeed, Johnny, who enjoyed the
+privileges of the youngest, would make a descent upon him, and obtain
+some pleasure or some present, or at least a game of play; and sometimes
+Lionel fell into great disgrace, and was brought to him for reproof, but
+Caroline and Clara only saw him now and then in the evening, and never
+seemed to look to him as the friend and approver that Marian thought all
+fathers were. As to Miss Morley, she had only spoken twice to him since
+she had been in the house.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell seemed supreme in everything at home. She was quick,
+active, and clever, an excellent manager, nor was she otherwise than
+very kind in word and deed; and Marian could by no means understand the
+cause of the mixture of dread and repugnance with which she regarded
+her. Perhaps it was, that though not harsh, her manner wanted
+gentleness; her tones were not soft, and she would cut off answers
+before they were half finished. Her bright, clear, cold, blue eye had
+little of sympathy in it, and every look and tone showed that she
+expected implicit obedience, to commands, which were far from unpleasant
+in themselves, though rendered ungracious by the want of softness and
+mildness with which they were given. Marian often wondered, apart from
+the principle, how her cousins, and even Miss Morley, could venture to
+disregard orders given in that decided manner; but she soon perceived
+that they trusted to Mrs. Lyddell's multifarious occupations, which kept
+her from knowing all their proceedings with exactness, and left them a
+good deal at liberty.
+
+Marian was disposed to like Miss Morley, with her gentle voice and kind
+manner, but she was much surprised at her letting things go on among her
+pupils, which she must have known to be wrong in themselves, as well as
+against express commands of Mrs. Lyddell. Once or twice when she heard
+her talking to Clara, she said to herself, "Would not mamma say that was
+silly?" but at any rate it was a great thing to have a person of whom
+she was not in the least shy or afraid, and who set her quite at her
+ease in the schoolroom.
+
+The first business on Monday morning, after the little boys had gone off
+for two hours to a tutor, was an examination into Marian's attainments,
+beginning with French and Italian reading and translation, in which she
+acquitted herself very well till Mrs. Lyddell came in, and put her in
+such a state of trepidation that she no longer knew what she was about.
+In truth, Marian's education had been rather irregular in consequence
+of her father's illness, and its effect had been to give her a general
+cultivation of mind, and appreciation of excellence, to train her to do
+her best, and fed an eagerness for information, but without instructing
+her in that routine of knowledge for which Mrs. Lyddell and Miss Morley
+looked. She was not ready in answering questions, even upon what she
+knew perfectly well; she had no tables of names and dates at finger's
+ends, and when she saw that every one thought her backward and ignorant,
+the feeling that she was not doing justice to her mamma's teaching added
+to her confusion, her mistakes and puzzles increased, and at last she
+was almost ready to cry. At that moment Caroline said, "Mamma, you have
+not seen Marian's drawings yet. Do fetch them, Marian."
+
+The drawings served in some degree to save Marian in the opinion; at
+least, of Miss Morley: for an artist-like hand and eye were almost an
+inheritance in the Arundel family, and teaching her had been a great
+amusement to Sir Edmund. Miss Morley and Caroline thought her drawings
+wonderful; but Mrs. Lyddell, who had never learnt to draw, was, as
+Marian quickly perceived, unable to distinguish the merits from the
+faults, and was only commending them in order to reassure her. Her music
+was the next subject of inquiry, and here again she did not shine, for
+practising had been out of the question during the last two years of her
+father's life; but as she could not bear to offer this as an excuse,
+she only said she knew she could hardly play at all, but she hoped to
+improve. To her great relief, Mrs. Lyddell did not stay to listen to
+her performance, but went away, leaving her to Miss Morley, who found
+something to commend in her taste and touch.
+
+When the business of learning actually commenced, Marian grew more
+prosperous; for she had the good custom of giving her whole attention,
+and learnt therefore fast and correctly. Her exercise was very well
+done; her arithmetic, in which Edmund had helped her, was almost beyond
+Miss Morley's knowledge; and she was quite at home in the history they
+were reading aloud. Moreover, when they came to talk of what they had
+read, it proved that Marian was well acquainted with many books which
+were still only names to Caroline; and when Gerald came in with his
+books, his reference to her showed that she knew as much Latin as he
+did.
+
+They dined in the schoolroom at half-past one, then took a walk on the
+long, dull, white road, and came back at a little past four; after which
+the girls had each to practise for an hour, to look over some lessons
+for the next day, and to dress; but all the rest of their time was at
+their own disposal. There was to be a dinner-party that evening, and
+Clara advised her not to dress till after tea. "For we don't go down
+till after dinner," said she, "and I don't like to miss seeing the
+people come. Gerald, you had better get ready, though, for you boys
+always go down before."
+
+"Must I?" said Gerald.
+
+"O yes, that we must!" said Lionel; "and you will see how Johnny there
+likes to be petted by all the old ladies, and called their pretty dear."
+
+Johnny rushed upon his brother, and there was a skirmish between them,
+during which Miss Morley vainly exclaimed by turns, "Now Lionel!" and
+"Now Johnny!" It ended by John's beginning to cry, Lionel laughing
+at him, and declaring that he had done nothing to hurt him, and both
+walking off rather sullenly to dress for the evening. Gerald was bent on
+the same errand; and no sooner was he gone than Miss Morley, Caroline,
+and Clara all broke out into loud praises of him. He was so docile, he
+shut the door so gently, he seemed so very clever. He had quite won Miss
+Morley's heart by running back to the schoolroom to fetch her parasol
+for her when she found she had left it behind; Caroline admired him for
+being so merry and playful without rudeness, and Clara chimed in with
+them both. All expressed wonder at not finding him a spoiled child; and
+this, though the praises gratified Marian greatly, rather offended her
+in her secret soul; and she wondered too that Caroline and Clara seemed
+disposed to make the very worst of their own little brothers, so as to
+set off Gerald's perfections by force of contrast.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell came in while they were still talking. She was beautifully
+dressed, and looked very handsome, and, in Marian's eyes, very
+formidable; but she sat down and joined heartily in the praises of
+Gerald, till Marian thought, "What could they have expected poor Gerald
+to be, if they are so amazed at finding him the dear good little fellow
+he is!" It was in fact true that he was an agreeable surprise, for as
+an only son--a great treasure--and coming so early to his title, he
+was exactly the child whom all would have presumed most likely to be
+spoiled; and his ready obedience struck the Lyddells as no less unusual
+than those habits in which he had been trained, in consequence of the
+necessity of stillness during Sir Edmund's long illness. It was more
+natural to him to shut the door quietly than to bang it, to speak than
+to shout, and to amuse himself tranquilly in the house than to make a
+great uproar. He was courteous, too, and obliging; and though Lionel and
+Johnny were in consequence inclined to regard him as a "carpet knight so
+trim," the ladies fully appreciated these good qualities. Mrs. Lyddell
+perhaps made the more of her satisfaction, because she was conscious of
+not liking his sister's stiff, formal, frightened manners.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell waited till the boys came from dressing, and took them all
+three down with her. Clara sat down in the window-seat to watch the
+arrivals, as soon as she had recovered from her amazement at hearing
+that Marian had not been in a house with a dinner-party since Gerald was
+born. "Is it possible!" she went on saying, and then bursting into a
+laugh, till Caroline said sharply, "How can you be so silly, Clara! you
+know the reason perfectly well."
+
+"But it is so odd," continued Clara. "Why, we are never a week without a
+party, and sometimes two!"
+
+"Hush," said Caroline, "or I shall never finish my Italian."
+
+The little boys came up to tea; Gerald would not make much answer when
+Clara asked if the ladies had talked to him, but Johnny looked cross,
+and Lionel reported "it was because his nose was put out of joint."
+Coming up to Marian, to whom he seemed to have taken a fancy, Lionel
+further explained confidentially how all the ladies made a fuss with
+Johnny, and admired his yellow curls, and called him the rose-bud, and
+all sorts of stuff; and how Johnny liked to go down in his fine crimson
+velvet, and show off, and have all his nonsense praised, "And the pretty
+dear is so jealous," said Lionel, "that he can't bear any one to say one
+word to poor me--oh no!"
+
+"Why, do you wish for them to do so?" said Marian.
+
+"Oh no, not I--I never did; and I'm glad I'm grown too big and ugly for
+them. I always get as near Elliot as I can and try to hear if they are
+saying any thing about the hunt; and the ladies never trouble their
+heads about what is good for any thing, so they never talk to me."
+
+"That is no great compliment to Gerald," said Marian.
+
+"Ah! you'll soon see. If there is any fun in him, they will soon cast
+him off; but now he is new, and he has not found them out yet, and they
+_do_ dearly like to say Sir Gerald; so Johnny is regularly thrown out,
+and that is what makes him look sulky."
+
+"Well, but it is using him very ill to desert him for Gerald," said
+Marian.
+
+"Oh, they won't desert him. They like mamma's good dinners too well for
+that; only Johnny can't bear any one else to be taken notice of. Trust
+the county member's son for their making much of him."
+
+"But that applies to you too, Lionel."
+
+"Ay, and I could soon get their civility if I cared for it," said Lionel
+grandly. "But I know well enough what it is worth. Why, there is Walter,
+who is the best of us all--nobody cares one straw for him, except
+Caroline and--"
+
+"And you?" asked Marian.
+
+"Why--why--yes, if he was not so much of a parson already."
+
+"Oh, Lionel!" said Marian, shocked; and he turned it rather hastily into
+"I mean, he is not up to any thing; he does not shoot, and he does not
+care for dogs, or horses; nothing but books for ever."
+
+A summons to the tea-table put an end to Lionel's communications, which
+had so amazed Marian that she could do nothing but ponder on them all
+the time that Clara would leave her in quiet.
+
+The going into the drawing-room was to her a most awful affair; and
+Saunders seemed to be very anxious about it, brushing and settling her
+hair, and arranging the plain black frock, as if she would never have
+done; seeming, too, not a little worried by Clara, who chose to look on
+at all her proceedings. At last it was over Marian wished Gerald good
+night, and descended with her two cousins and Miss Morley. Caroline
+and Clara were in blue, Miss Morley in white; and as they entered just
+opposite to a long pier glass, Marian thought that with her white face,
+straight dark hair, and deep mourning dress, she looked like a blot
+between them, and wished to shrink out of sight, instead of being
+conspicuous in blackness.
+
+The ladies came in a few minutes after, and Caroline and Clara went
+forward, shaking hands, smiling, and replying in a way which was by no
+means forward, and with ease that to Marian was marvellous. If people
+would but be kind enough not to look at her! But Mrs. Lyddell was a
+great deal too civil for that too come to pass, and presently Marian was
+called and introduced to two ladies. She was seated between them, and
+they began talking to her in a patronising manner; telling her they
+remembered her dear mamma at her age; saying that they had seen her
+brother, and congratulating her on having two such delightful companions
+as the Miss Lyddells. Then they asked about Devonshire; and as Marian's
+cold short replies let every subject fall to the ground in a moment,
+they proceeded to inquire whether she could play. Truth required her to
+confess that she could, a very little; and then they begged to hear her.
+Poor Marian! this was too much. She felt as if she was in a horrible
+mist, and drawing up her head as she always did in embarrassment, she
+repeated, "Indeed, indeed I cannot!" protestations which her tormentors
+would not believe, and which grew every moment more ungracious, as, to
+augment her distress, she saw that Mrs. Lyddell was observing her. At
+the moment when she was looking most upright and rigid, Caroline came to
+her relief. The same request had just been made to her, and she came to
+propose to Marian to join in the one thing she knew she could play--a
+duet which she had that morning been practising with Clara. It was very
+kind, and Marian knew it; for Caroline had said that she never liked
+that duet, and was heartily tired of it; but all the acknowledgement her
+strange bashfulness would allow her to make was a grateful look, and a
+whisper, "Oh, thank you!"
+
+Afterwards one of the young lively visitors sang, and Marian, who had
+never heard much music, was quite delighted; her stiff company-face
+relaxed, a tear came to her eyes, and she sat with parted lips,
+forgetting all her fears and all the party till the singing was over,
+and Caroline touched her, and told her it was bed-time. Marian wondered
+to see how well Caroline and Clara managed to escape without being
+observed; but she marvelled at their going to bed so much as if it was a
+thing of course to have no "good night" from father or mother. When they
+were outside the door, in the hall, Marian, her heart still full of the
+music, could not help exclaiming, "How beautiful!"
+
+"What? Miss Bernard's singing?" said Clara. "I declare, Caroline, Marian
+was very nearly crying! I saw you were, Marian."
+
+"She does sing very nicely," said Caroline, "but that song does not suit
+her voice. It is too high."
+
+"And she makes faces," said Clara, "she strains her throat; and she has
+such great fingers--I could never cry at Miss Bernard's singing, I am
+sure."
+
+Marian did not like this. "Good night," said she, abruptly.
+
+"You are not vexed, are you?" said Clara, kindly. "I did not think you
+would mind my noticing your crying. Don't be angry, Marian."
+
+"Oh, no, I am not at all angry," said Marian, trying to speak with ease,
+but she did not succeed well. Her "good nights," had in them a tone as
+if she was annoyed, as in fact she was; though not at all in the way
+Clara supposed. She did not care for the notice of her tears, but she
+said to herself, "This is what Edmund calls destroying the illusion. If
+they would but have let me go to bed with the spell of that song resting
+on me!"
+
+She sighed with a feeling of relief and yet of weariness as she came
+into her own room, and found Saunders there. Saunders looked rather
+melancholy, but said nothing for the first two or three minutes; then as
+she combed Marian's hair straight over her face, she began, "I hope you
+enjoyed yourself, Miss Marian?"
+
+"Oh, Saunders," said Marian, "I'm very tired; I don't think I shall ever
+enjoy myself anywhere but at home."
+
+"Ah--hem--ah," coughed Saunders, solemnly; then, after waiting for some
+observation from Marian, and hearing only a long yawn and a sigh, she
+went on. "Prettily different is this place from home."
+
+"Indeed it is," said Marian, from her heart.
+
+"Such finery as I never thought to see below stairs, Miss Marian. I am
+sure the Manor House was a pattern to all the country round for comfort
+for the servants, and I should know something about it; but here--such
+a number of them, such eating and drinking all day long, and the very
+kitchen maids in such bonnets and flowers on Sundays, as would perfectly
+have shocked Mrs. White. And they are so ignorant. Fancy, Miss Marian,
+that fine gentleman the butler declaring he could not understand me, and
+that I spoke with a foreign accent! I speak French indeed!"
+
+"But, Saunders," said Marian, rather diverted, "you do speak Devonshire
+a little."
+
+"Well, Miss Marian, perhaps I may; I only know 'tisn't for them to
+boast, for they speak so funny I can't hardly make them out; and with
+my own ears I have heard that same Mr. Perkins himself calling you Miss
+Harundel. But that is not all. Why, not half of them ever go to church
+on a Sunday; and as to Mrs. Mitten, the housekeeper, not a bit does she
+care whether they do or not; and no wonder, when Mr. Lyddell himself
+never goes in the afternoon, and has gentlemen to speak to him. And then
+down at the stables--'tis a pretty set of drinking, good-for-nothing
+fellows there. I hope from my heart Sir Gerald won't be for getting down
+there among them; but they say Master Lionel and Master John are always
+there. And that Mr. Elliot--"
+
+In this manner Saunders discoursed all the while she was putting Marian
+to bed. Both she and her young lady wore doing what had much better have
+been let alone. Saunders had no business to carry complaints and gossip,
+Marian ought not to have listened to them; but the truth was that
+Saunders was an old attached confidential servant, who had come to
+Oakworthy, more because she could not bear to let her young master and
+mistress go entirely alone and unfriended among strangers, than because
+it would be prudent to save a little more before becoming Mrs. David
+Chapple. Fern Torr was absolute perfection in her eyes; and had the
+household at Oakworthy been of superior excellence, she would have found
+fault with everything in which it differed from the Manor House. Her
+heart was full; and to Miss Marian, her young lady, a Fern Torrite, a
+Devonian like herself, she must needs pour it out, where she had no
+other friend. On the other hand, Saunders was still in Marian's eyes a
+superior person--an authority--one whom she could never dream of keeping
+in order, or restraining; and here a friend, a counsellor, the only
+person, except Gerald, who had known the dear home.
+
+So a foundation was laid for confidences from Saunders, which were not
+likely to improve Marian's contentment. When she had bidden her maid
+good night, and sat thinking before she knelt down to say her prayers,
+she felt bewildered; her head seemed giddy with the strangeness of this
+new world; she knew not what in it was right and what was wrong; all
+that she knew was, that she felt lonely and dreary, and as if it could
+never be home. Her heart seemed to reach out for her mother's embrace
+and support, and then Marian sank down on her knees, rested her face on
+her arms, and while the tears began to flow, she murmured, "OUR FATHER,
+Which art in heaven."
+
+Soon after, her weary head was on her pillow, and the dim grey light of
+the summer night showed the quiet peace and calmness that had settled on
+her sleeping face.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+  "That is not home where, day by day,
+  I wear the busy hours away."
+
+
+In a short time, Marian had settled into her place at Oak Worthy, lost
+some part of her shyness towards the inhabitants, and arrived at the
+terms which seemed likely to continue between her and her cousins.
+
+There was much that was very excellent about Caroline Lyddell; she had
+warm feeling, an amiable and obliging disposition, and great sweetness
+of temper; and when first Marian arrived she intended to do all in her
+power to make her at home, and be like a sister to her. But she did not
+understand reserve; and before Marian had got over her first shyness
+and awkwardness, Caroline felt herself repulsed, and ceased to make
+demonstrations of affection which met with no better response. Marian
+made none on her side; and so the two cousins remained very obliging and
+courteous to each other, but nothing more.
+
+Clara had begun by making herself Marian's inseparable companion in
+rather a teasing manner, caressing her continually, and always wanting
+to do whatever she was doing; but as novelty was the great charm
+in Clara's eyes, and as she met with no very warm return to her
+endearments, all this soon wore off; and though she always came to
+Marian whenever she had any bit of news to tell,--though she often
+confided to her little complaints of the boys or Miss Morley,--this was
+no great compliment, for she would have done the same to anything that
+had ears. Her talk was no longer, as it had been at first, exclusively
+for Marian; and this wag rather a relief, for it was not at all like the
+talk Marian was used to with Agnes or with Edmund.
+
+Young and unformed as Marian was, it would be hard to believe how much,
+without knowing it, she missed the intercourse with superior minds, to
+which she had been accustomed. It was just as her eye was dissatisfied
+with the round green chalk hills, instead of the rocks and streams of
+her own dear home; or as she felt weary of the straight, formal walks
+she now took, instead of her dear old rambles,
+
+  "Over bank and over brae,
+  Where the copsewood is the greenest,
+  Where the fountain glistens sheenest,
+  Where the lady-fern grows strongest,
+  Where the morning dew lies longest."
+
+Edmund's high spirits, Agnes' playful glee,--how delightful they were!
+and though Marian often laughed now, it was not as she had laughed at
+home. Then, too, she grew shy of making remarks, or asking questions,
+when Clara had nothing to say but "How odd!" or Miss Morley would give
+some matter-of-fact answer, generally either quite beside the point, or
+else what Marian know before. Caroline understood what she meant, and
+would take up the subject, but not always in a satisfactory manner; for
+she and Marian always seemed to have quite opposite ways of viewing
+every thing. Each felt that the other had more serious thoughts and
+principles than most of those around them, but yet their likings and
+dislikings were very different in the matter of books. "Anna Ross" was
+almost the only one of Caroline's favourites that Marian cordially
+liked; and this, as Caroline suspected, might he owing to a certain
+analogy between Anna's situation and her own, by no means flattering to
+the Lyddell family. It was wonderful how many were the disparities
+of tastes, views, and opinions between them; but the root of these
+differences seemed undiscoverable, since Marian would not or could not
+argue, replied to all objections with a dry, short, "I don't know," and
+adhered unalterably to her own way of thinking.
+
+Miss Morley settled the matter by pronouncing that Sir Edmund and Lady
+Arundel must have been very narrow-minded people; and this judgment was
+so admired by Caroline and Clara, that it was sure to be brought forward
+as conclusive, whenever Marian was the subject of conversation. At last
+Lionel broke in one day, "Stuff! Marian is a good, sensible, downright
+girl, and it is my belief that all that you mean by narrow-mindedness is
+that she cares for what is right, and nothing else."
+
+"How much you know about it, Lionel!" said Clara, laughing; but Caroline
+answered in earnest, "There is reason in what you say, Lionel--Marian
+does care for what is right; but the question is, whether her views of
+it are not narrow?"
+
+"The narrower the better, say I," said Lionel, as he plaited his
+whip-lash.
+
+"Strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, that leadeth unto life,"
+came into Caroline's head, and she stood thoughtful. Clara exclaimed,
+"Well done, Lionel! I wonder what he'll say next to defend his dear
+Marian."
+
+"I know what I mean well enough," said Lionel. "I suppose you call it
+being broad-minded to trace your drawings through against the window,
+when mamma goes on telling you not. Better have her narrow mind, say I."
+
+"Then why don't you," said Clara, "instead of going down to the stables
+for ever with that man of Elliot's that mamma said you were never to
+speak to?"
+
+Lionel whisked his whip-lash before Clara's eyes, so as to make her
+wink. "I did not say I was good myself;" said he; "I said Marian was."
+And he ran out of the room.
+
+Clara laughed at Lionel's admiration of Marian, which had begun to be
+a joke in the schoolroom; but Caroline, as she practised her music,
+thought a good deal over the conversation. "Is a narrow mind really a
+fear of doing wrong?" was a question she asked herself several
+times; and then she thought of all the things she had heard called
+narrow-minded and scrupulous in Marian or others, but she soon found
+herself lost in a mist, and wished she could talk it over with her
+former governess, Miss Cameron. As to what Lionel had said about the
+drawing, she was conscious she was very wrong; her mamma had called it
+an idle practice to trace the outline through against the glass, and
+had forbidden it; but a difficulty had soon brought her back to the
+window-pane, exclaiming, "Just for this one thing, I am sure mamma would
+not object."
+
+"If Miss Cameron had been here, it would not have happened," said
+Caroline to herself with a sigh, and for a few days she kept away from
+the window; but another difficulty occurred, again she yielded to the
+temptation, and whoa she heard her mother's step in the passage, hurried
+back to her desk with guilty precipitation. A few days after, Clara was
+actually caught in the fact by Mrs. Lyddell, and then Miss Morley began
+making an excuse, evidently quite as much out of kindness to herself as
+to her pupil. Marian looked up in surprise, with a wondering, inquiring
+expression in her eyes. They were cast down the instant the governess
+turned towards her; but Miss Morley always felt abashed, by meeting that
+look of astonishment, which awoke in her a sensation of self-reproach
+such as she had seldom known before.
+
+Miss Morley was a little afraid of Marian's eyes, though not of her in
+any other respect; nor did she like her much better than Caroline did,
+though she gave her much less trouble than any of her other pupils,
+except Caroline. Those questions and observations puzzled her, and she
+thought the poor child had been reading books beyond her years--it was
+such a great disadvantage to be an only daughter. Besides, she really
+believed Marian Arundel had no affection for any one,--no warmth of
+feeling; she would ten times prefer a less diligent and more troublesome
+pupil, in whom she could take some interest, and who showed some
+affection, to one so steady and correct in behaviour, without the frank
+openness of heart which was so delightful. To make up, however, for this
+general want of liking for poor Marian, on the other hand, every one was
+fond of Gerald. His behaviour in the schoolroom was so very nice and
+good, and out of doors his climbing, running, and riding were no less
+admired by his contemporaries. Now and then, indeed, a dispute arose
+between him and the other two boys, when Gerald criticised, and declared
+that "Edmund and everybody" thought as he did; or when he would try to
+outdo the sporting exploits reported of Elliot, by Edmund's shooting at
+Fern Torr. One day there was a very serious quarrel, Gerald having
+taken up the cause of an unfortunate frog, which Lionel and Johnny were
+proposing to hunt, by rolling their marbles at it.
+
+Gerald declared they should not, that frogs were harmless, innocent
+creatures, and that Edmund and everybody liked them. This only made
+Lionel and Johnny more determined; partly from the absurdity of Gerald's
+appeal, and partly for the sake of mischief; and Gerald was overpowered,
+unable to save his protégé, and obliged to witness its cruel death. He
+burst into tears, and then, came the accusation of crying for a frog.
+Poor little boy, he burst away from his tormentors, and never stopped
+till, he was safe in his sister's room pouring out his grief to her
+and Saunders (for it was her dressing-time), and comforted by their
+sympathising horror and pity.
+
+Saunders said it gave her a turn, and Marian's feelings were much of the
+same nature. She could not have thought it of Lionel. He was, indeed,
+reckless and unruly; by reputation _the_ naughty one of the set; but
+Marian had often thought that much of Johnny's misbehaviour was unjustly
+charged on him, and there was an honesty about him, together with a
+cordiality towards herself, which made her like him. And that he should
+have been wantonly cruel!
+
+She comforted Gerald as well as she could, and they went back to the
+schoolroom together. Lionel, as he often did, brought her a knot in a
+piece of string to be untied; she felt almost ready to shrink from him,
+as capable of such a deed, and gave it back to him after untying it,
+without a word. Lionel stood leaning against the shutter looking at her
+for some minutes, while she fetched her books, and sat down to learn her
+lessons. Tea came in; and while there was something of a bustle, and all
+the others were talking, and engaged in different ways, Lionel crossed
+over to her and said in a low voice, "So Gerald has made you angry with
+me?"
+
+"No; but Lionel, I could not have thought you would have done such a
+thing."
+
+"'Twas only a frog," said Lionel; "besides, I only did it to tease
+Gerald."
+
+"I do not see that that makes it any better," said Marian, gravely.
+
+"Why, Gerald was so ridiculous, to say Edmund and everybody liked frogs;
+but I didn't--I only mean that, if he had not made a fuss, I would never
+have hurt the frog, and I did not mean to kill it as it was; so never
+mind, Marian. I'll tell you what, Marian," added he, sinking his voice,
+"I'd rather Caroline and Clara, and poor unfortunate into the bargain,
+scolded me till they were black in the face, than that you looked at me
+as you did just now."
+
+"Did I?" said Marian, rather alarmed. "I am sure I did not know I looked
+anyhow."
+
+"Didn't you, though? It is just the way you look at poor unfortunate
+when she sports her humbug."
+
+"Hush, Lionel! this will never do. You know you ought not to talk in
+that way," said Marian, rising to put an end to the conversation.
+
+"But we have made it up?" said Lionel, holding her dress.
+
+"Yes, yes," said Marian hastily, and with full forgiveness in look
+and tone. As she took her place at the tea-table, she wondered within
+herself what was the matter with her eyes to cause such remarks, and
+still more why she could not help liking Lionel so much the best of her
+cousins, in spite of all the naughtiness of word and deed, which shocked
+her so much.
+
+The nest day she was walking in the garden with Clara, when Gerald came
+running up, with an entreaty that she would come and have a game at
+cricket with him and Lionel. Clara exclaimed, laughed, and stared in
+amazement.
+
+"She plays famously," said Gerald; "she, and Agnes, and I, beat all the
+other Wortleys one day last summer. Come, Marian, don't say no; we have
+not had a game for a very long time."
+
+"Who is playing?" asked Marian.
+
+"Only Lionel and me; Johnny is out with Mrs. Lyddell Come, we want you
+very much indeed; there's a good girl."
+
+To Clara's astonishment and Lionel's admiration, Marian complied; and
+though, of course, no great cricketer, her skill was sufficient to
+make her a prodigy in their eyes. But the game was brought to a sudden
+conclusion by Miss Morley, who, seeing them from the window, came out
+very much shocked, and gave the girls a lecture on decorum, which Marian
+felt almost as an insult.
+
+When they went in, Gerald told Saunders the whole adventure; and she,
+who at Fern Torr had been inclined to the same opinion as Miss Morley,
+and had often sighed and declared it to be unlike young ladies when
+Marian and Agnes had played, now agreed with him that it was very hard
+on Miss Marian not to have a little exercise, lamented that she should
+always be cooped up in the schoolroom, and declared that there could be
+no harm in playing with such a little boy as Master Lionel.
+
+The most unpleasant result was, that Miss Morley and the cousins took an
+impression that Agnes Wortley must be a vulgar romp, and were inclined
+to think her an unsuitable friend for Marian. Their curiosity was
+excited by the frequent letters between the two friends. Marian always
+read those which she received with the utmost eagerness, hardly ever
+telling any part of their contents, but keeping them to be enjoyed with
+Gerald in her own room; and half her leisure moments were employed in
+filling fat, black-edged envelopes, which were sent off at least as
+often as once a week.
+
+"I wonder what she says about us!" said Clara, one day.
+
+"I don't think it would suit you," said Caroline; "I should not think
+she painted us _couleur de rose_."
+
+"Except Lionel," said Clara, "if their admiration is mutual. But, by the
+by, Miss Morley, why do you not desire to see her letters? You always
+look at mine."
+
+"She is not quite in the same situation," said Miss Morley.
+
+"But could not you?" continued Clara. "It would be very entertaining
+only to look for once."
+
+"And I think it would be only proper," said Caroline. "Who knows what
+she may say of us to these dear friends of hers?"
+
+The subject was not allowed to drop; the girls' curiosity led them to
+find numerous reasons why their cousin's correspondence should not pass
+without examination, and Miss Morley found she must either endure their
+importunity, or yield to it. She was driven to choose the part of the
+oppressor; and one day, when Clara had been tormenting her more than
+usual, she addressed Marian, who was folding up a letter. "I think,"
+said she, speaking in a timid, deprecating tone--"I think, Marian, if
+you please, it might be as well, perhaps, if I were sometimes to look
+over your letters; it has always been the custom here."
+
+Then; was no encouragement to proceed in the look of blank amazement
+with which Marian replied, "Edmund Arundel and Mr. Lyddell both approve
+of my writing to Agnes Wortley."
+
+"Ah!" interposed Clara; "but did they mean that your letters should
+never be looked over?"
+
+"I heard nothing about it," said Marian.
+
+"Miss Cameron always looked over mine," said Caroline.
+
+"I will ask Mr. Lyddell himself as soon as he comes home," said Marian,
+determinedly.
+
+There was a pause, but Caroline and Clara did not look satisfied. Miss
+Morley knew they would leave her no peace if she desisted, and she went
+on,--"I wish I could sometimes see a proof of willingness to yield."
+
+Marian was out of patience, and putting her letter into the desk, locked
+it up; and Caroline laughingly remarked, "Really, there must be some
+treason in that letter!" If the observation had been taken as it was
+meant, all would have been well; but Marian bit her lip with an air that
+convinced the sisters that Caroline had hit the mark; and their glances
+stimulated Miss Morley to say, as decidedly as she could, "Marian, your
+present conduct convinces me that it is desirable that I should see that
+letter."
+
+Marian's dark eyes gave one indignant flash, as she proudly drew up her
+head, opened her desk, laid her letter on the table before Miss Morley,
+and slowly walked out of the room; but as soon as she had shut the door,
+she ran at full speed along the passage to her own room, where, throwing
+herself on the bed, she gave way to a fit of violent weeping, and sobs
+which shook her whole frame. Proud, passionate feelings at first almost
+choked her, and soon these were followed by a flood of the bitter tears
+of loneliness and bereavement. "Who would have dared insult her thus,
+had her father and mother been living?" and for a minute her agony for
+their loss was more intense than it had ever been. Gradually, "the
+turbid waters brightening as they ran," became soothing, as she dwelt on
+the sweet, holy memory of her parents, and wholesome as she mourned over
+her fit of pride and anger. But for what were they accountable, whose
+selfish weakness and thoughtless curiosity had caused the orphan's tears
+to flow?
+
+Caroline had not seen those flashing eyes without an instant perception
+of the injustice of the accusation. Her half-jesting speech had led
+the matter much further than she had intended; and alarmed at the
+consequences, she ran after her cousin to entreat her pardon; but
+Marian, unconscious of all save the tumult within herself, hurried on
+too fast to be overtaken, and just as Caroline reached her door, had
+shut it fast, and drawn the bolt, and a gentle knock and low call of
+"Marian, dear Marian," were lost in the first burst of sobs. Caroline,
+baffled and offended, turned away with feelings even more painful than
+hers; and too proud to repeat the call, walked up and down, waiting till
+the door should be opened, to assure her cousin that nothing should
+induce her to touch the letter, and to beg her forgiveness; but as
+minutes passed away in silence, she grew tired of waiting, thought
+Marian sullen and passionate, and at length, returned to the schoolroom.
+As soon as she entered, Clara exclaimed, "O Caroline, only think, how
+odd--"
+
+"I don't want to hear anything about it," said Caroline, sitting down to
+the piano; "I wish we had never thought of it."
+
+She began, playing with all her might, but gradually she abated her
+vehemence, as she caught a few sounds of a conversation between Clara
+and Miss Morley. At last she turned round, asking, "What? who is his
+godfather?"
+
+"Mr. Arundel, 'Edmund and every body,' you know," answered Clara. "I
+never heard anything like it. Only fancy his hearing that boy say his
+catechism!"
+
+"What? I don't understand," said Caroline; "Mr. Arundel and Gerald!
+Nonsense! He can't be his godfather. Mamma said he was only
+four-and-twenty, and Gerald is almost nine."
+
+"Here is Marian's authority for it," said Clara; "and certainly those
+Arundels are a curious family."
+
+"Mr. Arundel is the next heir, is he not?" inquired Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes," said Caroline; "I heard mamma telling old Mrs. Graves the whole
+story. His father and mother both died when he was very young, and Sir
+Edmund brought him up entirely, and every one looked upon him as the
+heir till Gerald was born; and a groat disappointment it must have been,
+for now he has next to nothing. But they all were just as fond of each
+other as before; and it does seem very strange that Sir Edmund should
+have made him their guardian, at his age, when there was Lord Marchmont,
+who is their cousin, too."
+
+"I dare say," said Clara, as if a most brilliant thought had struck her,
+"I dare say there is a family compact, such as one reads of in books,
+that he is to marry Marian."
+
+"My dear Clara!" said Miss Morley laughing, "How should such a notion
+come into your little head?"
+
+"Now see if it is not so!" said Clara; "I do believe she is in love with
+him already, and he is coming to see her."
+
+"Is he?" cried Caroline, "I am very curious to sec him. Mamma says he is
+very handsome, and quite a distinguished looking person. When does he
+come?"
+
+"You had better read," said Clara; "I can tell you that there are
+wonderful things in the letter."
+
+Curiosity again asserted its power, and Caroline yielded. The letter had
+been opened, and it would not signify if one more person looked at it.
+She took it, and read eagerly and stealthily, starting at every sound.
+
+  "My dear Agnes--I hope you and Jemmy are getting
+  on well in your solitude without the schoolboys. Tell
+  Charles, when you write, that a gentleman staying here
+  caught a trout last week that weighed three pounds, but I
+  believe that those which are caught in these rivers taste of
+  mud, and are not nearly so good as our own. I was very
+  much afraid that Gerald would go to school this summer,
+  but now Mrs. Lyddell has heard that it was settled that he
+  should not go till he was ten, and it is arranged for him to
+  stay till next year, when I hope he will be happier than
+  Charles was at first. You asked after his drawing, so I
+  have put in the last scrap I met with, and in case you
+  should not be able to find out what it is meant for, I must
+  inform you that it is the dog springing on the young Buecleuch.
+  The other day he sent Edmund a letter in hieroglyphics,
+  with pictures instead of nouns, and Edmund answered
+  it in the same way with funny little clever drawings
+  throughout. His regiment is going abroad nest spring, he
+  thinks, to the Cape, but he has promised to come and see us
+  first, and thinks of going home to see about his things.
+  Thank Mrs. Wortley for being so kind as to scold me for
+  not dating my letters. I shall not be likely to forget the
+  date of this on September 30th, for Mr. Lyddell has just
+  paid me my first quarter's allowance, and I am frightened
+  to think how large it is; ten pounds a quarter only for my
+  dress, and I am to have more when I am seventeen. So
+  matters can go on more as they used in the parish. Will
+  you be so kind as to pay this quarter's schooling for Amy
+  Lapthorn and Honor Weeks and Mary Daw, and find out
+  what clothes they want, and if Susan Grey has not a new
+  bonnet, give her one, and a flannel petticoat for old Betty,
+  and if any body else wants anything else let me know, and
+  pay up for all the children that dear mamma used to put into
+  the penny club, and send me word what it comes to, and I
+  will send the money when Edmund comes to pay his visit.
+  I suppose the apples are gathered by this time; you cannot
+  think how I miss the golden and red piles under the trees,
+  and the droning of the old cyder press. And do those beautiful
+  Red Admiral butterflies come in the crowds they did
+  last year to the heaps of apples in our orchard? Do you remember
+  how we counted five that all came and sat on your
+  pink frock while we were watching them?
+
+  "Will Mr. Wortley be kind enough to tell me of some
+  book of questions on the Catechism, more advanced than the
+  one he gave me? I suppose we ought to go on with the Catechism,
+  till we are confirmed, and so Gerald and I always go
+  through a section every Sunday, taking the book by turns,
+  and he knows our old one perfectly. He is so good and
+  steady about it that I quite wonder, considering that there
+  is no authority to keep him up to it, but he is very anxious
+  to stand a good examination when his godfather comes, and
+  Edmund is sure to ask hard questions. And Gerald has
+  never missed since we have been here, getting up in time to
+  come and read the Psalms with me before breakfast, and
+  really I think that is exceedingly good of him; but I have
+  come to the end of my paper, so good-bye.
+
+  "Your affectionate
+
+  "MARIAN C. ARUNDEL."
+
+Caroline's cheeks glowed as she read, both with shame at her own
+proceedings, and with respect for her narrow-minded cousin; but she had
+no opportunity for making remarks, for just as she had finished the
+letter, and folded it up again, the boys were heard coming in. The first
+thing Gerald said was, "So Marian has not sent her letter; I will run
+down with it, or it will be too late."
+
+"It is not sealed," said Clara.
+
+"Clara looks as if she had been peeping," said Johnny.
+
+"I should like to see any one peep into Marian's letters," said Gerald,
+taking it up, and carrying it away with him.
+
+Lionel stood with his eyes fixed on Clara. "I do believe it is true
+then!" said he, laying hold of Clara's arm; "I have a great mind to say
+I'll never speak to you again, Clara. Peeping into people's letters.
+Why, you ought to be hooted through the town!"
+
+The boys looked nearly ready to put the hooting into effect, but Clara
+answered angrily, "Peeping! I have been doing no such thing! Don't be so
+rude, Lionel."
+
+"That is humbug," said Lionel; "you have been looking impudently, if you
+have not been peeping slyly."
+
+"Lionel, you are a very naughty boy indeed!" said Clara, almost crying;
+"I have done just as Miss Morley and Caroline have been doing; Miss
+Morley always looks over----"
+
+"Let who will do it," said Lionel, "it is an impudent, ungentlemanlike
+thing, that you all ought to be ashamed of. I declare papa shall hear of
+it."
+
+"Lionel, do you know what you are saying?" said Caroline.
+
+"This is sadly naughty!" feebly murmured Miss Morley.
+
+"Lionel, mamma will be very angry," said Clara.
+
+"I don't care," said Lionel loudly and vehemently; "I know that you all
+ought to be ashamed of yourselves, every one of you. Why, if you
+were boys you would never hold up your heads again; but girls can do
+anything, and that is the reason they have no shame."
+
+"Hush! Lionel, dear Lionel!" said Caroline, coming to him persuasively,
+but he shook her off:
+
+"I want none of your _dears_," said he; "ask Marian's pardon, not mine."
+
+He turned his back, and took up a book. The girls dared say no more to
+him; Miss Morley very nearly cried as she thought how impossible it was
+for women to manage great boys. She ought to complain of his rudeness,
+but the explanation of what gave rise to it was impossible, and so, poor
+woman, she thought herself too good-natured.
+
+Gerald, in the meantime, had gone to his sister's room, where he called
+hastily on finding the door fastened. She opened it, and he eagerly
+asked what was the matter.
+
+"Never mind," said Marian; "thank you for remembering my letter. Will
+you fetch the sealing wax out of----"
+
+"Well, but what is the matter?"
+
+"Nothing that signifies; never mind."
+
+"But I do mind, I can't bear for you to cry. You know I can't, so don't
+begin again," added he, as his affectionate tones made her lip quiver,
+and her eyes fill with tears.
+
+"But, Gerald, pray get the wax, or----. But no, no," added she
+hurriedly, "do not, I will not touch it, till----"
+
+"Till when?" asked Gerald; "I wish you would tell me how they have
+been vexing you. I am sure they hare, for they all looked guilty. Poor
+Marian!" He put his arm round her neck, and drew her cheek to his. Who
+could withstand such a brother? Marian whispered. "Only--but don't make
+a fuss--only Miss Morley made me show her my letter."
+
+He started from her, and broke forth into a torrent of indignation; and
+it was not quickly that she succeeded in getting him to listen to her
+entreaties that he would not tell any one.
+
+"What do you mean to do?" said he. "O I will write such a letter to
+Edmund, in hopes she will ask to see it. But she won't venture on mine.
+Shall I tell Edmund?"
+
+"No, no, Gerald, you do nothing; pray don't say anything. I will speak
+to Mr. Lyddell, for it was he who gave me leave."
+
+"And I hope he will give poor unfortunate a good rowing. Won't it be
+fun?"
+
+"Now, Gerald, pray don't say such things, or I shall be sorry I told
+you. I dare say she thought it was right."
+
+"Stuff and nonsense! Right indeed! I hope Mr. Lyddell will give it to
+her well!"
+
+"If I may not write without having my letters read, I am sure I shall
+never be able to write at all!"
+
+"And when shall you speak? Luckily there is no company to-night, and I
+hope I shall be there to hear."
+
+"No, you will not; I shall wait till you are gone to bed, for I am sure
+Lionel and Johnny ought to know nothing about it. I believe I had better
+not have told you; but, Gerald, you are all I have, and I can't help
+telling you everything."
+
+"Of course, Marian, so you ought, for let them laugh at me as they will,
+I always tell you everything. And won't it be nice when I am grown up,
+and we can get away from them all, and live at home together, and I go
+out shooting every day, and you and Ranger stand at the top of the steps
+to watch me? For Ranger will be too old to go out shooting by that
+time."
+
+In the midst of this picture of rural felicity, Saunders came to tell
+Marian that it was time to dress.
+
+When she returned to the schoolroom, Caroline would have given anything
+not to have read the letter; she was too sure that there was nothing
+wrong in it, and she could not show the trust in her cousin which would
+have enabled her to speak freely, and say she was very sorry for her
+speech and meant nothing by it; nor did she wish to revive the subject
+before Lionel, whose indignation would be still more unpleasant in
+Marian's own presence. She therefore said nothing, and on the other hand
+Marian felt awkward and constrained; Lionel was secretly ashamed of his
+own improper behaviour to Miss Morley, and well knowing that he should
+never dare to perform his threat of telling his father, put on a surly
+kind of demeanour, quite as uncivil to Marian as to anyone else; and but
+that Clara never minded anything, and that Johnny knew and cared little
+about the matter, their tea that evening would have been wonderfully
+unsociable. Gerald had not much to say, but the bent of his thoughts was
+evident enough when his ever-busy pencil produced the sketch of a cat
+pricking her paw by patting a hedgehog rolled up in a ball.
+
+Neither Miss Morley nor her pupils ever expected to hear more of the
+letter, for they knew perfectly well that what Lionel had said was but a
+threat, for the appeal direct to Mr. or Mrs. Lyddell was a thing never
+thought of at Oakworthy. Marian had, however, made up her mind; her
+anxiety overpowered her shyness; she knew that Mr. Lyddell was the
+proper person, and perhaps the fact was that she was less afraid of him
+than of his wife. So, though she resisted all the glances cast at her
+by Gerald, whenever he thought he saw a good opportunity for her, and
+waited till all the three little boys had gone to bed, she by no means
+gave up her purpose. It was time for her too, to wish good night; and
+while her heart beat fast, she said, "Mr. Lyddell, you gave me leave to
+write to Agnes Wortley. Was it on condition of my letters being looked
+over?"
+
+"Who meddles with your letters?" said Mr. Lyddell, much surprised.
+
+Caroline, having helped to get her governess into the scrape, thought
+it but fair to say what she could for her, and answered, "Miss Morley
+thought that you and mamma would wish it."
+
+"By no means," said Mr. Lyddell, turning to Marian, "I have the
+highest opinion of Mr. and Mrs. Wortley, the very highest; I wish your
+correspondence to be perfectly free."
+
+"Thank you," said Marian. "Good night!" and away she went, to tell
+Gerald how it had passed; and he, who had been lying awake in
+expectation, was much disappointed to hear no more than this.
+
+As soon as she was gone, Mrs. Lyddell exclaimed, "What could have given
+Miss Morley reason to think that her letters were to be inspected?
+Really, Miss Morley must have some courage! I should be sorry to be the
+person to make the request."
+
+"Ah! Marian was very angry indeed," said Clara; "quite in a passion."
+
+"Very proper," said Mr. Lyddell. "A spirited thing. She is a girl of
+sense."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell let the matter drop with the girls, but going to the
+schoolroom, she inquired into it more fully, and found that by poor
+unfortunate faithful Morley's own account, she had allowed herself to
+be made the tool of the curiosity of Caroline and Clara. She spoke
+severely, and Miss Morley had displeasure to endure, which was
+considerably more disagreeable than all Clara's importunities could have
+been.
+
+However, the next morning it appeared as if the whole affair was
+forgotten by all parties; Marian win just as usual, and so were her
+cousins; but, in secret, Caroline felt guilty, and held her in higher
+estimation since she had seen the contents of the letter, which, as
+she could perceive, Marian might well be doubly unwilling to show; she
+wished that Marian would but be as open to her as she was to Agnes, but
+this unfortunate business seemed like another great bar to their ever
+being really intimate, and she did not know how to surmount it.
+
+These reflections were shortly after driven out of Caroline's head by
+a severe fit of toothache, which for three days made her unfit for
+anything but to sit by the fire reading idle books. Mrs. Lyddell
+proposed to take her to Salisbury to consult a dentist, and Lionel was
+supposed likewise to require inspection. Then, turning to Marian, Mrs.
+Lyddell said, "This is not the pleasantest kind of expedition, but
+perhaps you may like to see Salisbury, and I think your bonnet wants
+renewing."
+
+"Thank you," said Marian, pleased with the Invitation. "I shall be very
+glad to go; I believe my teeth ought to be looked at. The dentist at
+Exeter said last winter that they were crowded and ought to be watched."
+
+"Very well," said Mrs. Lyddell, "we will see what Mr. Polkinghorn says."
+
+"Polkinghorn," said Marian, as Mrs. Lyddell left the room; "that is a
+Devonshire name."
+
+"You are very welcome to him, I am sure," said Caroline; "I wish the
+trade was abolished."
+
+"What cowards girls are!" said Lionel.
+
+"Let us see how boys behave before we say anything against girls," was
+Marian's answer.
+
+"Shan't you scream?" said Lionel.
+
+"Of course she will not," said Caroline, "unless with joy at meeting a
+Devonshire man."
+
+Marian laughed, and Lionel began an exhilarating story about an
+unfortunate who was strapped to the dentist's chair, dragged nine times
+round the room, and finally had his jaw broken.
+
+Marian enjoyed her drive to Salisbury, though it added to her contempt
+for Wiltshire scenery, by showing her more and more of desolate down.
+She watched the tall Cathedral spire from far in the distance, peering
+up among the hills like a picture more than a reality, and she admired
+the green meadows and quiet vale where the town stands. Poor Caroline
+was taken up with dreadful anticipations of Mr. Pokingtooth, as Lionel
+called him, and when arrived at his clamber of torture, hung back, so as
+to allow Marian to be the first victim. The result of the examination
+was, that it would be better; though not absolutely necessary, that a
+certain double tooth should be extracted, and Mr. Polkinghorn, left the
+room in search of an instrument.
+
+"So you think it ought to go?" sighed Marian.
+
+"I should say so," said Mrs. Lyddell, "but you may decide for yourself."
+
+Marian covered her face with her hands, and considered. The dentist
+returned; she laid back her head and opened her mouth, and the tooth
+was drawn. Caroline and Lionel escaped more easily, and they left the
+dentist's. Mrs. Lyddell said something in commendation of Marian's
+courage, and asked if she would like to see the Cathedral, an offer
+which she gladly accepted, expecting to go to the service, as the bells
+now began to ring; but she was disappointed, for Mrs. Lyddell said, "Ah!
+I had forgotten the hour. We must do our commissions first, and be at
+the Cathedral before the doors are shut." Marian did not venture to
+express her wishes, but she thought of the days when attending the
+Cathedral service had been the crowning pleasure of a drive to Exeter,
+and in dwelling on the recollection, she spent the attention which Mrs.
+Lyddell expected her to bestow on her new bonnet.
+
+Their business did not occupy them very long, and they entered the
+Cathedral before the anthem was over; but Marian felt that it was not
+fitting to loiter about the nave while worship was going on within the
+choir; and the uncomfortable feeling occupied her so much, that she
+could hardly look at the fair clustered columns and graceful arches, and
+seemed scarcely to know or care for the gallant William Longsword, when
+led to the side of his mail-clad, cross-legged effigy. The deep notes of
+the organ, which delighted Caroline, gave her a sense of shame; and even
+when the service was over, and they entered the choir, these thoughts
+had not so passed away as to enable her to give full admiration to the
+exquisite leafy capitals and taper arcades of the Lady Chapel. Perhaps,
+too, there was a little perverseness in her inability to think that this
+Cathedral surpassed that of Exeter.
+
+She thanked Mrs. Lyddell rather stiffly, as she thought to herself, "I
+did not reckon upon this!" and they set out on their homeward drive.
+Caroline looked thoughtful, and did not say much, Lionel fell asleep,
+and Mrs. Lyddell, after a few not very successful attempts at talking to
+Marian, took out her bills, and began to look over them and to reckon.
+Marian sat looking out of the window, lost in a vision of the hills,
+woods, and streams of Fern Torr, which lasted till they had reached
+home.
+
+Such an expedition was so uncommon an event in the lives of the
+inhabitants of the schoolroom, that those who stayed at home were as
+excited about it as those who went, and a full and particular account
+was expected of all they had seen and all they had done. Caroline and
+Lionel both seemed to think Marian a perfect miracle of courage in
+voluntarily consenting to lose a tooth.
+
+"And I am sure," said Caroline as they sat at tea, "I cannot now
+understand what made you have it done."
+
+"To oblige a countryman," said Marian laughing.
+
+"Well, but what was your real reason?" persisted Caroline.
+
+"Mrs. Lyddell thought it best, and so did the dentist," said Marian.
+
+"O," said Caroline, "he only said so because it was his trade."
+
+"Then how could Mrs. Lyddell depend on him?" said Marian, gravely.
+
+"Dentists never are to be depended on," said Caroline; "they only try to
+fill their own pockets like other people."
+
+"You forget," said Lionel, "Devonshire men are not like other people."
+
+"O yes, I beg their pardon," said Caroline, while every one laughed
+except Gerald; who thought the praise only their due.
+
+"But why did you have it done?" said Clara, returning to the charge; "I
+am sure I never would."
+
+"Yes, but Marian is not you," said Lionel.
+
+"You would have disobeyed no one," said Caroline.
+
+"I do not know," said Marian, thinking of one whom she would have
+disobeyed by showing weakness.
+
+"Then did you think it wrong not to have that tooth drawn?" said
+Caroline.
+
+"I do not know."
+
+"Did you think it right to have it done?"
+
+"I do not know, unless that I did not like it."
+
+"Do you mean to say that not liking a thing makes it right?" exclaimed
+Clara.
+
+"Very often," said Marian.
+
+"Miss Morley, now is not that Popish?" cried Clara.
+
+"Perhaps your cousin can explain herself," said Miss Morley.
+
+"Yes, do," said Caroline, "you must tell us what you mean."
+
+"I don't know," was Marian's first answer; but while uttering the reply,
+the real reason arranged itself in words; and finding she must speak
+clearly, she said, "Self-denial is always best, and in a doubtful case,
+the most disagreeable is always the safest."
+
+Miss Morley said that Marian was right in many instances, but that this
+was not a universal rule, and so the conversation ended.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+  "O Brignal banks are fresh and fair,
+  And Greta woods are green;
+  I'd rather rove with Edmund there,
+  Than reign our English queen."
+
+  ROKEBY.
+
+
+Winter came, and with it the time fixed for that farewell visit from
+Edmund Arundel, to which Marian and Gerald had long looked forward.
+Marian was becoming very anxious for it on Gerald's account, for she was
+beginning to feel that he was not quite the same child as when he first
+arrived at Oakworthy. He was less under control, less readily obedient
+to Miss Morley, less inclined to quote Edmund upon all occasions, more
+sensible of his own consequence, and more apt to visit that forbidden
+ground, the stables.
+
+She longed for Edmund's coming, trusting to him to set everything right,
+and to explain to her the marvels of this strange new world.
+
+Several gentlemen were staying in the house, and there was to be a
+dinner party on the day when he was expected, so that she thought the
+best chance of seeing him would be to stay in the garden with Gerald,
+while the others took their walk, so that she might be at hand on his
+arrival. Clara, though by no means wanted, chose to stay also, and the
+two girls walked up and down the terrace together.
+
+"It is so very odd," said Clara "that you should care about such a great
+old cousin."
+
+"He is only twenty-four," answered Marian.
+
+"But he must have been grown up ever since you remember."
+
+"Yes, but he is so kind. He used to carry us about and play with us when
+we were quite little children, and since I have been older he has made
+me almost a companion. He taught me to ride, and trained my bay pony,
+my beautiful Mayflower, and read with me, and helped me in my music and
+drawing."
+
+"That is more than Elliot would do for us, if he could," said Clara. "It
+is very dull to have no one to care about our lessons, but to be shut up
+in the schoolroom for ever with poor unfortunate."
+
+Marian did not choose to say how fully she assented to this complaint,
+but happiness had opened her heart, and she went on,--"I have had so
+many delightful walks with him through the beautiful wood full of rocks,
+and out upon the moor. O, Clara, you cannot think what it is to sit upon
+one of those rocks, all covered with moss and lichen, and the ferns
+growing in every cleft and cranny, and the beautiful little ivy-leafed
+campanula wreathing itself about the moss, and such a soft, free,
+delicious air blowing all around. And Edmund and I used to take out a
+book, and read and sketch so delightfully there!"
+
+"Do you know, Marian," said Clara mysteriously, "I have heard some one
+say--I will not tell you who--that it is a wonder that Mr. Arundel is so
+fond of you, of Gerald, at least, for if it was not for him, he would
+have had Fern Torr, and have been Sir Edmund."
+
+"But why should he not be fond of Gerald?"
+
+"Really, Marian, you are a very funny person in some things," exclaimed
+Clara. "To think of your not being able to guess that!"
+
+Here Mrs. Lyddell interrupted them by calling from the window to ask why
+they were staying in the garden?
+
+"We were waiting to see Mr. Arundel, mamma," answered Clara.
+
+"I think," said Mrs. Lyddell, "that as I am going out, it is not quite
+_the thing_ for you young ladies to wait to receive a gentleman in my
+absence. You had better overtake the others. Marian will see Mr. Arundel
+in the evening."
+
+"How cross!" exclaimed Clara, as soon as they were out of hearing. "Now
+we have to go along that horrid, stupid path that poor unfortunate is
+so fond of! If mamma had to go there herself, she would know what a
+nuisance it is!"
+
+Marian was silent, because she was too much annoyed to speak properly
+of Mrs. Lyddell, whose interference seemed to her a needless piece of
+unkindness. At home she would have thought it strange not to hasten to
+greet cousin Edmund, and she feared he would think she neglected him,
+yet she could not, in Clara's presence, leave a message for him with her
+brother. Gerald begged her to remain, but she replied, with, a short,
+blunt "I can't," and set off with Clara, feeling provoked with
+everybody. In process of time she recovered candour enough to
+acknowledge to herself that Mrs. Lyddell was right as far as Clara was
+concerned, but the struggle kept her silent, her cousin thought her
+sulky, and the walk was not agreeable.
+
+Gerald did not as usual attend her toilette, but as she passed along the
+passage on her way to the schoolroom, she heard sounds in the hall so
+like home that her heart bounded, Gerald's voice and Edmund's in reply!
+She could not help opening the door which separated the grand staircase
+from the schoolroom passage, the voice sounded plainer, she looked over
+the balusters, and saw--yes, actually saw Edmund, the top of his black
+head was just below her. Should she call? Should she run half-way down
+stairs, and just exchange one greeting unrestrainedly? But no; her heart
+beat so fast as to take away her breath, and that gave her time for
+recollection: Mrs. Lyddell might not think it proper, it would be
+meeting him in an underhand way, and that would never do!
+
+Marian turned back, shut the door of communication, and in the next
+moment was in the schoolroom. When Gerald came up to tea, he was in the
+wildest spirit; making fun, romping with Lionel and John, and putting
+everything in such an uproar that it was quite a relief when the time
+came for going down to the drawing-room.
+
+Now, Marian's great fear was that the gentlemen would be cruel enough
+to stay in the dining-room till after half-past nine, when she would
+be obliged to go to bed. She could hardly speak to anybody, she shrank
+away, as near the door as she dared, and half sprang up every time it
+opened, then sat down ashamed of herself, and disappointed to see only
+the servants with coffee and tea.
+
+At last, the fatal time had all but come, when the black figures of the
+gentlemen entered one after the other, Marian scarcely venturing to look
+at them, and overpowered with a double access of fright and shyness,
+which chained her to her seat, and her eyes to the ground. But
+now--Edmund's hand was grasping hers, Edmund was by her side, his voice
+was saying, "Well, Marian, how are you?"
+
+She looked up at him for one moment, then on the ground again, without
+speaking.
+
+"Oakworthy has put no colour in your cheeks," said he. "Are you quite
+well?"
+
+"Quite, thank you," said she, almost as shortly and coldly as if she had
+been answering Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"When did you hear from home?"
+
+"Yesterday," said she, speaking more readily. "Agnes always writes once
+a week. When do you go there?"
+
+"Next week, when I leave this place."
+
+"You come from the Marchmonts, don't you?"
+
+"Yes, Selina sends you her love, and all manner of kind messages. She
+hopes to see you in London after Easter."
+
+"O dear! There is Mrs. Lyddell looking at me, and I see Caroline is
+gone! Good night, Edmund."
+
+"So soon? I hoped to have seen more of you to-day; I came early on
+purpose."
+
+"I thought so, but they would not let me stay at home."
+
+"I understand. Don't squeeze up your lips and look woeful. I knew how it
+was. Good night."
+
+Marian walked slowly up stairs, sighing as she went, and looked into
+Gerald's room. He was awake, and called out, "Well, Marian, are you not
+glad he has come?"
+
+"O yes, very," returned Marian, in a tone of little gladness; "I hope
+you will be very happy with him."
+
+"Why not you?"
+
+"It will be all disappointment," she answered in a choking voice, as,
+sheltered by the darkness, she knelt down by Gerald's bed, and burst
+into tears. "It will all be like to-day."
+
+"No, it shall not!" cried Gerald; "I will tell Edmund all about it, and
+he shall send them all to the right about! I can't think why you did not
+tell Mrs. Lyddell that you always stay at home for Edmund."
+
+"Miss Arundel," said Saunders, at the door, "do you know that it is half
+an hour later than usual?"
+
+The next morning Marian awoke with brighter spirits. It was possible
+that she might accomplish one walk with him, and Gerald was sure of
+being constantly at his side, which was the great point. At any rate,
+she could not be very unhappy while he was in the house.
+
+She heard nothing of him all the morning, but, just as the schoolroom
+dinner was over, in came Mrs. Lyddell, and with her Edmund himself, to
+the great surprise of all the inhabitants. Marian looked very happy, but
+said very little, while there was some talk with Miss Morley, and then
+Edmund asked if she had no drawings to show him. She brought out her
+portfolio, and felt it like old times when he observed on her improved
+shading, or criticised the hardness of her distant hills, while Miss
+Morley wondered at his taste and science. It was delightful to find that
+she and Gerald were really to take a walk with him by themselves. She
+almost flew to fetch her walking dress, and soon the three were on their
+way together.
+
+There was a great quantity of home news to be talked over, for Edmund
+had not heard half so often nor so minutely as Marian, and he had to be
+told how Charles Wortley got on at his new school, that Ranger had
+been lost for a day and a half, and many pieces of the same kind of
+intelligence, of which the most important was that Farmer Bright's widow
+had given up the hill farm, and his nephew wanted to take it, but Mr.
+Wortley hoped that this would not be allowed, as he was a dissenter.
+
+"Indeed!" said Edmund; "I wonder Carter did not mention that."
+
+"Had you heard this before?" said Marian; "I thought it news."
+
+"Most of it is," said Edmund, "but not about the farm. The letting it is
+part of my business here, but I did not know of this man's dissent. Your
+correspondence has done good service."
+
+"I am sure it is my great delight," said Marian; "I do not know what I
+should do without hearing from Agnes. I think I have learnt to prize her
+more since I have known other people."
+
+"You don't find the Miss Lyddells quite as formidable as you expected
+though?" said Edmund; "the eldest has a nice open, countenance."
+
+"We get on very well," said Marian. "Caroline is so good-tempered and
+clever, and Lionel is delightful."
+
+"O, Edmund," interposed Gerald, "Lionel and I had such fun the other
+day. We caught the old donkey and blindfolded it with our handkerchiefs,
+and let it loose, and if you could but have seen how it kicked up its
+heels----"
+
+They went on with the history of adventures of the same description,
+enjoying themselves exceedingly, and when Marian went in, she was much
+pleased to find how favourable an impression Edmund had made on her
+companions, although some of their commendations greatly surprised her;
+Miss Morley pronouncing that he had in the greatest degree an _air
+distingue_, and was a remarkably fashionable young man. Marian could
+endure the _air distingue_, but could hardly swallow the fashionable
+young man, an expression which only conveyed to her mind the idea of
+Elliot Lyddell and his moustached friends. However, she knew it was
+meant for high praise, and her present amiable fit was strong enough to
+prevent her from taking it as an insult.
+
+The next day was Sunday, and she provokingly missed Edmund three times,
+in the walks to and from church, he being monopolized by "some stupid
+person," who had far less right to him than she had; but at last,
+when she had been completely worried and vexed with her succession of
+disappointments, and had come into what Lionel would have emphatically
+called "a state of mind," Edmund contrived to come to her before going
+in doors, and asked if she could not take a few turns with him on the
+terrace. She came gladly, and yet hardly with full delight, for the
+irritation of the continually recurring disappointments through the
+whole day, still had its influence on her spirits, and she did not at
+first speak. "Where is Gerald?" asked Edmund.
+
+"I don't know; somewhere with the boys," said Marian, disconsolately.
+
+"Well, why not?" said Edmund laughing.
+
+"I don't know," said Marian.
+
+"That is a meditative 'I don't know,' which conveys more than meets the
+ear."
+
+"I don't know whether----; I mean I don't think it does Gerald any
+good."
+
+"It?--what?"
+
+"I don't know," repeated Marian in a tone which to any one else would
+have appeared sullen.
+
+"I should like to arrive at your meaning, Marian. Are you not happy
+about Gerald!"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian; but Edmund, convinced that all was not
+right, was resolved to penetrate these determined professions of
+ignorance.
+
+"Is Gerald under Miss Morley?" he asked.
+
+"Yes, during most of the day. They all say he is very good."
+
+"And does not that satisfy you?"
+
+"I don't know."
+
+Edmund perceived that the subject of her brother was too near her heart
+to be easily approached, and resolved to change his tone.
+
+"How have you been getting on?" he asked. "Does learning flourish under
+the present dynasty?"
+
+"I don't know," replied Marian for the seventh time, but she did not as
+usual stop there, and continued, "they think one knows nothing unless
+one has learnt all manner of dates, and latitudes, and such things. Not
+one of them knew Orion when they saw him in the sky, and yet even Clara
+thought me dreadfully stupid because I could not find out on the globe
+the altitude of Beta in Serpentarius, at New Orleans, at three o'clock
+in the morning."
+
+Edmund could not help laughing at her half-complaining, half-humorous
+tone, and this encouraged her to proceed.
+
+"In history they don't care whether a man is good or bad; they only care
+when he lived. O Edmund, the lists of names and dates, kings and Roman
+emperors----."
+
+"Metals, semi-metals, and distinguished philosophers," said Edmund; and
+Marian, who in days of old had read "Mansfield Park," laughed as she
+used to do at home.
+
+"Exactly," said she, "O, Edmund, it is very different learning from what
+it used to be. All lesson and no thinking, no explaining, no letting one
+make out more about the interesting places. I wanted the other day to
+look out in some history book to find whether Rinaldo in Tasso was a
+real man, but nobody would care about it; and as to the books, all the
+real good _grown-up_ ones are down in Mr. Lyddell's library, where no
+one can get at them."
+
+"Does not Miss Lyddell enter into these things?"
+
+"O yes, Caroline does, a great deal more than Miss Morley; but I don't
+know--I never can get on with Caroline----."
+
+Marian had now gone on to the moment when her heart was ready to be
+open, and the whole story, so long laid up for Edmund, began to be
+poured forth; while he, anxious to hear all, and more sympathizing than
+he was willing to show himself, only put in a word or two here and
+there, so as to sustain the narration. Everything was told, how Clara
+was frivolous and wearisome; how Caroline was cold, incomprehensible,
+and unsympathetic; how unjust and weak Miss Morley was; how sharp,
+hasty, and unmotherly she found Mrs. Lyddell; and then, growing more
+eager, Marian, with tears springing to her eyes, told of the harm the
+influence of Oakworthy was doing Gerald; his love of the stables, and
+Saunders' opinion of the company he was likely to meet there. This led
+her to more of Saunders' communications about the general arrangement
+of the house, and the want of really earnest care for what is right;
+further still to what Saunders had told of Elliot and his ways, which
+were such as to shock her excessively, and yet she had herself heard Mr.
+Lyddell say that he was a fine spirited fellow!
+
+Edmund was not sorry to find that he had but small space in which to
+give the reply for which Marian was eagerly looking. He avoided the main
+subject, and spoke directly to a point on which his little cousin was
+certainly wrong. "Well, Marian, who would have thought of your taking to
+gossiping with servants?" Then, as she looked down, too much ashamed to
+speak, he added, "I suppose poor Saunders has not sought for charms at
+Oakworthy any more than you have."
+
+"Indeed I do not think I tried to make the worst of it when I came."
+
+"Is that a confession that you are doing so now?"
+
+"I do not know."
+
+"Then let us see if you will give the same account to-morrow; I shall
+ask you whenever I see you particularly amiable. And now I think I have
+kept you out quite late enough."
+
+The next day was very pleasant, bright, and frosty; Marian, from having
+relieved her heart, felt more free and happy, and her lessons went off
+quickly and smoothly. All went well, even though Edmund was obliged to
+go and call on a friend at Salisbury instead of coming to walk with her.
+Her walk with Miss Morley and her cousins was prosperous and pleasant;
+the boys ran races, and Marian and Clara were allowed to join them
+without a remonstrance. Marian was running and laughing most joyously,
+when she was stopped by hearing a horse's feet near her, and looking
+round saw Edmund returning from his ride. "May I keep her out a little
+longer?" said he to Miss Morley, as he jumped off his horse, and Marian
+came to his side. Miss Morley returned a ready assent, and after
+disposing of the horse, the two cousins walked on happily together, she
+telling him some pleasant histories of Gerald and the other little boys,
+and lamenting the loss that Lionel would be when he went to school.
+After they had talked over Salisbury Cathedral, and Marian had heard
+with great interest of Edmund's late employments in Scotland, and all
+he was to do and see in Africa, and saying much about that never-ending
+subject, Fern Torr, Edmund thought her so cheerful that he said, "Well,
+may I venture to ask your opinion of the people here?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, who was so much ashamed of the accusation
+of gossiping with Saunders as to be willing to pass over all that had
+been founded on her information, "perhaps I did say too much yesterday,
+and yet I do not know I am sure I should never have chosen them for
+friends."
+
+"Perhaps they would return that compliment."
+
+"Then you really think it is my own fault?"
+
+"No;" (Edmund tried hard to prevent his "no" from being too emphatic,
+and forced himself to go on thus) "I do not suppose it is entirely your
+fault, but at the same time you do not strike me as a person likely to
+make friends easily."
+
+"O, Edmund, I could never bring myself to kiss, and say 'dearest' and
+'darling,' and all that, like Clara."
+
+"There is the thing," said Edmund; "not that it is wrong to dislike
+it, not that I could ever imagine your doing any thing like it;" and,
+indeed, the idea seemed so preposterous, that both the cousins
+laughed; "but the disposition is not one likely to be over and above
+prepossessing to strangers."
+
+"You mean that I am disagreeable?"
+
+"No, far from it. I only mean that you are chilly, and make almost all
+who come near you the same towards you."
+
+"I cannot help it," said Marian.
+
+"Yes, you could in time, if you did not fairly freeze yourself by
+constant dwelling on their worst points. Make the best of them with all
+your might, and you will soon learn to like them better."
+
+"But if the things are so, Edmund, how can I see them otherwise?"
+
+"Don't look out for them, and be glad of every excuse for disliking the
+people. Don't fancy harshness and unkindness where no one intends it. I
+am quite sure that Mr. Lyddell wishes to give you every advantage, and
+that Mrs. Lyddell thinks she treats you like her own child."
+
+"I don't think I should like to be her own child," said Marian. "It is
+true that she is the same with me as with them, but--"
+
+"Poor Marian," said Edmund, kindly, "you have been used to such
+gentleness at home, that no wonder the world seems hard and unkind to
+you. But I did not mean to make you cry; you know you must rough it, and
+bravely too."
+
+"Never mind my crying," said Marian, struggling to speak; "it is
+nothing, but I cannot help it. It is so very long since any one has
+known what I meant."
+
+Edmund could not trust himself to speak, so full was he of affectionate
+compassion for her, and of indignation against the Lyddells, when these
+few words revealed to him all her loneliness; and they walked on for a
+considerable distance in silence, till, with a sudden change of tone, he
+asked if she had had any riding since she came to Oakworthy.
+
+"O no, I have not been on horseback once. What a treat a good canter on
+Mayflower would be!"
+
+"I suspect one victory over her would put you in spirits to be amiable
+for a month," said Edmund.
+
+"Dear old Mayflower!" said Marian. "How delightful that day was when she
+first came home, and we took that very long ride to the Eastcombe!"
+
+Edmund and Marian fell into a line of reminiscences which enlivened them
+both, and she went in-doors in a cheerful mood, while he seriously took
+the riding into consideration; knowing, as he did, that her mother had
+thought a great deal of out-of-door exercise desirable for her, and
+guessing that her want of spirits might very probably arise from want of
+the air and freedom to which she had always been accustomed. The result
+of his meditations was, that the next morning she was delighted by
+Gerald's rushing into the school-room, calling out, "Put on your habit,
+Marian; make haste and put on your habit. You are to have my pony, and
+I am to have Lionel's, and Edmund is to have Sorell, and we are all to
+ride together to Chalk Down!"
+
+How fast Marian obeyed the summons may well be believed; and though
+Gerald's pony was not comparable to Mayflower, it was much to feel
+herself again in the saddle, with the fresh wind breathing on her
+checks, and Edmund by her side. Par and joyously did they ride; so far,
+that Gerald was tired into unusual sleepiness all the evening; but
+Marian was but the fresher and brighter, full of life and merriment,
+which quite surprised her cousins.
+
+But visits, alas! are fleeting things, and Edmund's last day at
+Oakworthy came only too soon. Precious as it was, it was for the most
+part devoted to business with Mr. Lyddell, though he sent Marian a
+message that he hoped for a walk with her and her brother in the
+afternoon.
+
+The hour came, but not the man; and while Caroline and Clara went out
+with Miss Morley, Marian sat down with a book to wait for him. In about
+an hour's time the boys came to tell her they were going to the pond
+with Walter.
+
+"O Gerald, won't you wait for Edmund?"
+
+"I have waited till I am tired. I cannot stay in this whole afternoon,
+and I do not think he will come this age."
+
+"He is shut up in the study with papa," said Lionel; "I heard their
+voices very loud, as if they were in _such_ a rage."
+
+"I wish I could see them," said Johnny, "it would be such fun."
+
+Away ran the boys, leaving Marian in a state of wonder and anxiety, but
+still confident that Edmund would not forget her. She put on her walking
+dress, and sat down to her book again, but still she was left to wait.
+The winter twilight commenced, and still no Edmund; steps approached,
+but not the right ones; and in came the walking party, with a general
+exclamation of "Poor Marian! what, still waiting?" Miss Morley advised
+her to take a few turns on the terrace, instead of practising that
+horrid Mozart. Marian disconsolately went down stairs, looking wistfully
+at the library door as she went past it, and, at a funeral pace,
+promenaded along the terrace. As she passed beneath the window of
+Caroline's room, a head was popped out, and a voice sang--
+
+  "So, sir, you're come at last, I thought you'd come no more,
+  I've waited with my bonnet on from one till half-past four!
+  You know I sit alone--"
+
+At that moment, Edmund himself was seen advancing from the door; the
+song ended in a scream of laughter and dismay, and the window was
+hastily shut. Edmund smiled a little, but very little, and said, "True
+enough, I am afraid I have used you very ill."
+
+"Tiresome affairs," said Marian, looking up into his harassed face. "I
+hope they have not made your head ache?"
+
+"I have been worried, but it is not the fault of the affairs, I wish you
+had not lost your walk," added he abruptly, beginning to stride on so
+fast that she could scarcely keep up with him, and apparently forgetting
+her presence entirely in his own engrossing thoughts. She watched him
+intently as she toiled to keep by his side, longing, but not daring,
+to inquire what was the matter. At last he broke out into a muttered
+exclamation, "destitute of all principle! all labour in vain!"
+
+"What--how--Mr. Lyddell?"
+
+"This whole day have I been at it, trying to bring him to reason about
+that farm!"
+
+"What? Did he wish the Dissenter to have it?"
+
+"He saw no objection--treated all I said as the merest moonshine!"
+
+"What? all the annoyance to the Wortleys, and the mischief to the poor
+people!" exclaimed Marian, "Why, we should have a meeting-house!"
+
+"Nothing more likely, in the Manor field, and fifty pounds
+subscribed--all for the sake of toleration and Gerald's interests."
+
+"You don't mean that he has done it?" said Marian, alarmed, and not
+quite understanding Edmund's tone of irony, "Cannot you prevent it?"
+
+"I have prevented It; I said that, with my knowledge of my uncle's
+intentions, I could never feel justified in consenting to sign the
+lease."
+
+"And that puts a stop to it? Oh, I am very glad. But I suppose he was
+very angry?"
+
+"I never saw a man more so. He said he had no notion of sacrificing
+Gerald's interest to party feeling."
+
+"How could it be for Gerald's interest to bring Dissenters to Fern Torr?
+I am sure it would be very disagreeable. I thought it, was quite wrong
+to have any dealings with them."
+
+"He has been popularity-hunting too long to have many scruples on that
+score."
+
+Marian could not help triumphing. "Well, Edmund, I am glad you have come
+to my opinion at last. I knew you would not like the Lyddells when you
+knew them better."
+
+"I never was much smitten with them," said Edmund, abruptly, as if
+affronted at the imputation of having liked them.
+
+"But Edmund," cried Marian, standing still in the extremity of her
+amazement, "what have you been about all this time? Have you not been
+telling me it is all my own fault that I do not get on with them?"
+
+He was silent for a little while; and then turning round half-way,
+as people do when much diverted, he broke out into a hearty fit of
+laughter. "It is plain," said he, at last, "that nature never designed
+me for a young lady's counsellor."
+
+"What do you mean, Edmund?"
+
+"I suspect I have done mischief," said Edmund, after a little
+consideration, "and I believe all that remains to be done is to tell you
+all, and come down from my character of Mentor, which certainly I have
+not fulfilled particularly well."
+
+"I am sure I do not understand you," said Marian.
+
+"Well, then," said Edmund, speaking in a more free and unembarrassed
+tone than he had used since he had been at Oakworthy, "this is the fact
+of the matter, as Mrs. Cornthwayte would say, Marian. I always thought
+it very unlucky that you were obliged to live here; but as it could not
+be helped, and I really knew nothing against the Lyddells, there was no
+use in honing and moaning about it beforehand, so I tried to make the
+best of it. Well, I came here, and found things as bad as I expected,
+and was very glad to find you steady in the principles we learnt at
+home. Still, I thought you deficient in kindly feeling towards them, and
+inclined to give way to repining and discontent, and I think you allowed
+I was not far wrong. To-day, I must allow, I was off my guard, and have
+made a complete mess of all my prudence."
+
+"O, I am very glad of it," said Marian. "I understand you now, and you
+are much more like yourself."
+
+"Yes, it was a very unsuccessful attempt," said Edmund, again laughing
+at himself, "and I am very glad it is over; for I have been obliged to
+be the high and mighty guardian all this time, and I am very tired of
+it;" and he yawned.
+
+"Then you don't like them any better than I do," repeated Marian, in a
+tone of heartfelt satisfaction.
+
+"Stop, stop, stop; don't think that cousin Edmund means to give you
+leave to begin hating them."
+
+"Hating them? O no! but now you will tell me what I ought to do, since
+there is no possibility of getting away from them."
+
+"No, there is no possibility," said Edmund, considering; "I could not
+ask the Marchmonts again, though they did make the offer in the first
+fulness of their hearts. Besides, there are objections; I should not
+feel satisfied to trust you to so giddy a head as Selina's. No, Marian,
+it cannot be helped; so let us come to an understanding about these same
+Lyddells."
+
+"Well, then, why is it that we do not do better? I know there are faults
+on my side; but what are the faults on theirs?"
+
+"Marian, I believe the fault to be that they do not look beyond this
+present life," said Edmund, in a grave, low tone.
+
+Marian thought a little while, and then said, "Caroline does, but I see
+what you mean with the others."
+
+"Then your conduct should be a witness of your better principles," said
+Edmund. "You may stand on very high ground, and it entirely depends
+on yourself whether you maintain that position, or sink down to their
+level."
+
+"O, but that is awful!" cried Marian; and then in a tone of still
+greater dismay, "and Gerald? O, Edmund, what is to become of him?"
+
+"I must trust him to you, Marian."
+
+"To me!"
+
+"You have great influence over him, and that, rightly used, may be his
+safeguard. Many a man has owed everything to a sister's influence."
+Then, as Marian's eye glistened with somewhat of tender joy and yet of
+fear, he went on, "But take care; if you deteriorate, he will be in
+great danger; and, on the other hand, beware of obstinacy and rigidity
+in trifles--you know what I mean--which might make goodness distasteful
+to him."
+
+"O, worse and worse, Edmund! What is to be done? If I can do him so much
+harm, I know I can do him very little good; and what will it be when he
+is older, and will depend less on what I say?"
+
+"He will always depend more on what you _do_ than on what you say."
+
+"But what can I do? all the schoolboy temptations that I know nothing
+about. And Elliot--O, Edmund! think of Elliot, and say if it is not
+dreadful that Mr. Lyddell should have the management of our own Gerald?
+Papa never could have known--"
+
+"I think, while he is still so young, that there is not much harm to be
+apprehended from that quarter," said Edmund; "afterwards, I believe
+I may promise you that he shall not be left entirely to Oakworthy
+training."
+
+"And," said Marian, "could you not make him promise to keep away from
+the stables? Those men--and their language--could you not, Edmund?"
+
+"I could, but I would not," said Edmund. "I had rather that, if
+he transgresses, he should not break his word as well as run into
+temptation. There is no such moral crime in going down to the stables,
+as should make us willing to oblige him to take a vow against it."
+
+"Would it not keep him out of temptation?"
+
+"Only by substituting another temptation," said Edmund. "No, Marian; a
+boy must be governed by principles, and not by promises."
+
+"Principles--people are always talking of them, but I don't half
+understand what they are," said Marian.
+
+"The Creed and the Ten Commandments are what I call principles," said
+Edmund.
+
+"But those are promises, Edmund."
+
+"You are right, Marian; but they are not promises to man."
+
+"I could do better if I had any one to watch me, or care about me," said
+Marian.
+
+Edmund's face was full of sadness. "We--I mean you, are alone indeed,
+Marian; but, depend upon it, it is for the best. We might be tempted not
+to look high enough, and you have to take heed to yourself for Gerald's
+sake."
+
+"I do just sometimes feel as I ought," said Marian; "but it is by fits
+and starts. O, Edmund, I would give anything that you were not going."
+
+"It is too late now," said Edmund, "and there are many reasons which
+convince me that I ought not to exchange. In a year or two, when I have
+my promotion, I hope to return, and then, Marian, I shall find you a
+finished young lady."
+
+Marian shuddered.
+
+"Poor child," said Edmund, laughing.
+
+"And you are going home," said Marian, enviously.
+
+"Home, yes," said Edmund, in a tone which seemed as if he did not think
+himself an object of envy.
+
+"Yes, the hills and woods," said Marian, "and the Wortleys."
+
+"Yes, I am very glad to go," said Edmund. "Certainly even the being
+hackneyed cannot spoil the beauty or the force of those lines of
+Gray's."
+
+"What, you mean, 'Ah! happy hills; ah! pleasing shade?'"
+
+"Yes," said Edmund, sighing and musing for some minutes before he again
+spoke, and then it was very earnestly. "Marian, you must not go wrong,
+Gerald must not--with such parents as yours----." Marian did not answer,
+for she could not; and presently he added, "It does seem strange that
+such care as my uncle's should have been given to me, and then his own
+boy left thus. But, Marian, you must watch him, you must guard him. If
+you are in real difficulty or doubt how to act, you have the Wortleys;
+and if you see anything about which you are seriously uneasy with regard
+to him, write to me, and I will do my utmost, little as that is."
+
+"Yes, yes, I am glad to be sure of it," said Marian.
+
+"Well, I am glad to have had this talk," said Edmund. "I did you
+injustice, Marian; you are fit to be treated as a friend: but you must
+forgive me, for it cost me a good deal to try to be wise with you."
+
+"I think you have seemed much wiser since you left it off," said Marian,
+"Somehow, though I was glad to hear you, it did not comfort me or set me
+to rights before."
+
+Edmund and Marian could have gone on for hours longer, but it was
+already quite dark; and the sound of Elliot's whistle approaching
+warned them that one was coming who would little understand their
+friendship,--why the soldier should loiter with the little girl, or why
+the young girl should cling to the side of her elder cousin. They went
+in-doors, and hastened different ways; they saw each other again, but
+only in full assembly of the rest of the family. And at last, soon after
+breakfast the nest morning, Marian stood in the hall, watching Edmund
+drive from the door; and while her face was cold, pale, and still as
+ever, her heart throbbed violently, and her throat felt as if she was
+ready to choke. She heard of him at Fern Torr, she heard of him at
+Portsmouth, she heard of his embarkation; and many and many a lonely
+moment was filled up with tears of storm and tempest; of fever and
+climate, of the lion and of the Caffre.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+  "Child of the town! for thee, alas!
+  Glad nature spreads nor tree or grass;
+  Birds build no nests, nor in the sun
+  Glad streams come singing as they run.
+  Thy paths are paved for five long miles,
+  Thy groves and hills are peaks and tiles,
+  Thy fragrant air is yon thick smoke,
+  Which shrouds thee like a mourning cloak."
+
+  ALAN CUNNINGHAM.
+
+
+And so Edmund was gone! But he had bequeathed to Marian a purpose and
+an object, which gave her a spirit to try hard and feel out a way for
+herself in this confused tangle of a world around, her. She was happier,
+though perhaps more anxious; for now it was not mere vague dislike and
+discontent, but a clearer perception both of the temptations around and
+of the battle required of her.
+
+In January the whole family went to London, the object of many of
+Marian's terrors. Caroline and Clara were both sorry to go, and the boys
+lamented exceedingly; Lionel saying it was very hard that the last two
+months before his going to school should be spent boxed up there, with
+nothing to do. Indeed the life of the schoolroom party was here more
+monotonous than that at Oakworthy; for besides the constant regularity
+of lessons, there was now no variety in the walks; they only paced round
+the square, or on fine days went as far as the park.
+
+And then there were the masters! Marian was in a state of great fear,
+under the anticipation of her first lessons from them; but the reality
+proved much better than she had expected. To be sure, she disliked the
+dancing with all her heart, and made no great figure in music; but
+people were patient with her, and that was a great comfort; and then she
+thoroughly liked and enjoyed the lessons in languages and in drawing.
+There were further advantages in the London life, upon which she had not
+calculated, for here she was nobody, less noticed than Caroline, seldom
+summoned to see visitors, and, when she went into the drawing-room,
+allowed to remain in the back-ground as much as she pleased; so that,
+though her eye pined for green trees and purple hills, and her ear was
+wearied with the never-ceasing sound of wheels, London so far exceeded
+her expectations, that she wrote to Agnes, that, "if there were no
+smoke, and no fog, and no streets, and no people, there would be no
+great harm in it, especially if there was anything for the boys to do."
+
+The boys were certainly to be pitied; in a house smaller than Oakworthy,
+and without the occupations out of doors to which they had been
+accustomed, edicts of silence were more ineffectual than ever, and yawns
+became painfully frequent. Every one's temper fell into an uncomfortable
+state of annoyance and irritation; Miss Morley, instead of her usual
+quiet, piteous way of reproving, was fretful; Caroline was sharp; Clara
+sometimes rude like the boys, sometimes cross with them; even Marian
+was now and then tormented into a loss of temper, when there was no
+obtaining the quiet which she, more than the others, needed in order to
+learn a lesson properly. Each day Lionel grew more unruly, chiefly from
+the want of occupation, leading the other two along with him; and each
+day the female portion of the party grew more inclined to fretfulness,
+as they felt their own helplessness. It even came to consultations
+between Miss Morley and Caroline whether they must not really tell of
+the boys: but the evil day was always put off till "next time."
+
+Gerald was riotous when Lionel and John made him so, but not often on
+his own account; and he had more resources of his own than they had. His
+drawing was a great amusement to him, though rather in a perverse way;
+for he would not be induced to take lessons of the master, seldom drew
+at the right time, or in the right place, and frequently in the wrong
+ones.
+
+"I never can learn except when I am drawing," he said, and his slate
+was often so filled with designs, that the sums were jostled into the
+narrowest possible space, while his Latin grammar was similarly adorned.
+There sat the Muse in full beauty, enthroned upon Parnassus, close to
+_musa musæ; magister_ had a wig, and _dominus_ a great rod; while the
+extraordinary physiognomies round _facies faciei_ would have been worthy
+of any collection of caricatures. Moreover the illustrations of the verb
+_amo_ commemorated the gentleman who was married on Sunday, killed his
+wife on Wednesday, and at the preter-pluperfect tense was hanged on
+Saturday. Other devices were scattered along the margin, and peeped out
+of every nook--old men's heads, dogs, hunters, knights, omnibuses; and
+the habit of drawing so grew upon him, that when he was going to read
+any book where scribbling was insufferable, Marian generally took the
+precaution of putting all pencils out of reach.
+
+She often warned him to take care of the school-room Atlas; but, incited
+by Lionel, he could not resist the temptation of putting a pipe in the
+mouth of the Britannia who sat in a corner of the map of England. This
+pipe she carefully rubbed out, but not till it had received from the
+others a sort of applause which he took as encouragement to repeat the
+offence; and when next Marian looked at Britannia, she found the pipe
+restored, and a cocked hat on the lion's head. Again there was much
+merriment; and though Miss Morley, more than once, told Gerald this
+would never do, and he really must not, she could not help laughing so
+much, that he never quite believed her to be in earnest, and proceeded
+to people the world with inhabitants by no means proportioned to the
+size of their countries. John-o'-Groat and his seven brothers took
+possession of their house, Turks paraded in the Mediterranean, and in
+the large empty space in the heart of Africa, Baron Munchausen caused
+the lion to leap down the crocodile's throat.
+
+It was about this time that Marian was one day summoned to the
+drawing-room at an unusual time, and found Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell both
+there looking exceedingly gracious. "Here is a present for you, Marian,"
+said the former, putting into her hands a large thin parcel.
+
+"For me! O thank you!" said Marian, too much surprised and embarrassed
+to make much of her thanks; nor did her wonder diminish as, unfolding
+the paper, she beheld a blue watered silk binding, richly embossed, with
+the title of "The Wreath of Beauty," and soon there lay before her, in
+all the smoothness of India paper and mezzotint, a portrait, beneath
+which she read the name of Selina, Viscountess Marchmont.
+
+"Selina!" repeated she, in the extremity of her amazement.
+
+"Yes," said Mr. Lyddell, resting there in expectation of renewed and
+eager acknowledgements; but all he received was this--"Can that be
+Selina?"
+
+"It is said to be a very good likeness," said Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"O!" cried Marian, and there she checked herself.
+
+"Mr. Lyddell was quite struck with the resemblance to you," added Mrs.
+Lyddell.
+
+The astonishment of Marian's glance was greater than ever, but here
+she bethought herself that Mr. Lyddell had intended to give her great
+pleasure, and that she was very ungrateful; whereupon the room seemed to
+swim round with her in her embarrassment, and with a great effort she
+stammered out something about his being very kind, and her being very
+much obliged to him; and then, perceiving that she ought to add more, in
+order to satisfy that judge of politeness, Mrs. Lyddell, she said that
+it was a long time since she had seen Lady Marchmont, and that she could
+not so well judge of the likeness; and then she bore it away to sigh and
+wonder over it unrestrainedly with Gerald.
+
+No wonder the Lyddells were surprised, for Lady Marchmont's portrait was
+incomparably the most beautiful in the book; the classical regularity of
+the features, the perfect form of nose and chin, the lovely lip, and the
+undulating line of the hair, all were exquisite; the turn of the long
+neck, the _pose_ of the tall graceful figure, and the simple elegance
+of the dress, were such as to call for great admiration. But all that
+Marian saw was an affectation in that twisted position,--a straining
+round of the eyes, and a kind of determination at archness of expression
+in the mouth. Where was the merry, artless, sweet-looking Selina she
+remembered, whose yet unformed though very pretty features had faded
+from her memory, and left only the lively, good-natured expression
+which, here she sought in vain?
+
+"O Selina, Selina, can you be like this'?" exclaimed she; "and to think
+of their saying I am like it! I am sure I hope one is as true as the
+other."
+
+Gerald drew his face into a horrible caricature of the expression in the
+portrait, and set his sister laughing.
+
+"I hope I shall never see her If she has grown like it," said she,
+sighing.
+
+"I should take the stick to her if she was," said Gerald.
+
+"I am afraid it must be too true," said Marian, "or she would never
+allow herself to be posted up in this absurd way. I wonder Lord
+Marchmont allows it!"
+
+"I'll tell you, Marian," said the sympathising Gerald, "if I had ten
+beauties for my wife--"
+
+"Ten beauties! O, Gerald!"
+
+"Well, one ten times as beautiful as Selina, I mean; I would cure her of
+vanity well; for I would tell her that, if she chose to have her picture
+drawn in this Book of Beauty, it should only be with a ring through her
+nose, and two stars tattooed on her cheeks."
+
+"And a very good plan too," said Marian, laughing; "but I am afraid
+poor Selina cannot be in such good hands. See, here are the impertinent
+people writing verses about her, as if they had any business to ask
+her what she is thinking about. Listen, Gerald; did you ever hear such
+stuff?"
+
+  "Lady, why that radiant smile,
+  Matching with that pensive brow,
+  Like sunbeams on some mountain pile
+  Glowing on solemn heights of snow?
+
+  "Lady, why that glance of thought,
+  Joined to that arch lip of mirth,
+  Like shade by fleecy cloudlet brought
+  Over some paradise of earth?
+
+  "Yea, thou may'st smile, the world for thee
+  Is opening all its fairest bowers;
+  Yet in that earnest face I see
+  These may not claim thy dearest hours.
+
+  "But for thy brow, thy smile we deem
+  The gladsome mirth of fairy sprite;
+  But for thy smile, thy mien would seem
+  Some angel's from the world of light.
+
+  "Yet laughing lip and thoughtful brow
+  Are depths and gleams of mortal life;
+  Angel and fay, of us art thou,
+  Then art a woman and a wife!"
+
+"What would they have her to be? a husband?" said Gerald.
+
+Here Caroline and Clara came hastily in, eager to see the portrait and
+read the verses, and very far were they from being able to imagine why
+she did not like the portrait. Caroline owned that there might be a
+little affectation, but she thought the beauty very considerable; and as
+to Clara, she was in raptures, saying she never _did_ see any one half
+so lovely. And as to the verses, they were the sweetest things she
+ever read; and she carried them off to show to Miss Morley, who fully
+sympathised with her. Marian found no one to share her opinion but
+Gerald and Lionel, and their criticisms were unsparingly extended to
+Lady Marchmont's features, as well as her expression, "Such mincing
+lips! such untidy hair! Hollo! who has given her a black eye?" till they
+had not left her a single beauty.
+
+Marian hoped the subject was quite forgotten, when she had hidden
+away the book under all her others: but the nest time there was a
+dinner-party, Mrs. Lyddell desired her to fetch it, to show to some one
+who knew Lady Marchmont. She took it up stairs again us soon as she
+could, but again and again was she obliged to bring it, and condemned to
+hear it talked over and admired. One day when she was going wearily and
+reluctantly up stairs, she was arrested by a call from Lionel, who
+was creeping up outside the balusters in a fashion which had no
+recommendation but its extreme difficulty and danger.
+
+"Eh, Marian, what, going after beauty again?"
+
+"I wish it was Beauty and the Beast," said Marian, disconsolately.
+"There are different tastes in the world, that is certain; but don't
+break that neck of yours, Lionel."
+
+Lionel replied by letting go with one hand and brandishing that and his
+foot over the giddy space below. Marian frowned and squeezed up her
+lips, but did not speak till it pleased him to draw himself in again,
+and throw himself over the balusters before her, saying, "That is a
+reward for you, Marian; Clara would have screeched."
+
+The next time Marian was desired to fetch the book, it was for a morning
+visitor,--a broad, stately, pompous old lady, who had had the pleasure
+of meeting Lady Marchmont, and thought Miss Arundel very like her.
+
+"Are you going after beauty?" said Lionel, again meeting Marian on the
+stairs.
+
+"Yes," said Marian, with a sigh.
+
+"Well, I hope she will be pleased, that's all," said Lionel.
+
+Marian thought there was a meaning in this speech, but she was in haste,
+and without considering it, ran down stairs again. As she was opening
+the drawing-room door, she saw Gerald on the top of the stairs, calling
+to her, "Marian, have you that book? O, wait--"
+
+"I cannot come now, Gerald," said she, entering the room, and shutting
+the door after her. She laid the book on the table, and the page was
+opened.
+
+"O beautiful!" exclaimed the old lady, "How exact a likeness!"
+
+"Why, Marian!" broke involuntarily from Mrs. Lyddell, and Marian,
+looking at the print, could, in spite of her dismay, hardly keep from
+laughing; for the elegant Lady Marchmont now appeared decorated with a
+huge pair of mustachios, an elaborate jewelled ring in the nose, and a
+wavy star on each cheek, and in the middle of the forehead; while over
+the balustrade on which she was leaning there peeped a monster with
+grotesque eyes, a pair of twisted horns, a parrot's beak, vulture's
+claws, and a scaly tail stretching away in complicated spires far into
+the distance. No one could for a moment doubt that this was Gerald's
+work, and Marian felt sure that he had been thereto incited by Lionel.
+Extreme was her consternation at the thought of the displeasure which he
+had incurred; but in the mean time there was something very amusing
+in the sight of the old lady beginning to perceive that something was
+wrong, and yet not able to make it out, and not choosing to own her
+difficulties. Mrs. Lyddell, though vexed and angry, carried it off very
+well. "Ah! some mischief of the boys," said she, decidedly. "I am afraid
+it is not fit to be seen." And so saying, she closed the book, and
+changed the conversation.
+
+As soon as the visitor had taken leave, the scene was changed; Mrs.
+Lyddell walked hastily to the table, threw open the book, and began to
+examine into the degree of damage it had suffered. "I suppose you know
+nothing of this, Marian?" said she, surveying her with one of her
+quickest and most formidable glances.
+
+"O no," said Marian; "I am sure I am very sorry."
+
+"Well, I must inquire about it," said Mrs. Lyddell, taking up the
+book, and hastening towards the school-room, followed by poor Marian,
+trembling with all her heart for her brother, and somewhat for Lionel,
+even though she could not help being angry with him for having got
+Gerald into such a scrape.
+
+There stood the boys, looking partly exulting, partly frightened; Lionel
+a little more of the first, Gerald a little more of the second; for
+this was Gerald's first desperate piece of mischief, whereas Lionel had
+survived many such. Besides, Gerald's handiwork was too evident to be
+mistaken, while his companion's part in the folly could be known to no
+one; and though it might be guessed at by Marian, Lionel thought she
+might be trusted.
+
+The book was spread upon the table, and the expressions of horror from
+the three ladies of the school-room were as strong as could reasonably
+be expected.
+
+"Indeed," pleaded Miss Morley, in her deplorable tone, "I am continually
+ordering Sir Gerald not to scribble in books, but he never will obey."
+
+"That is not true!" cried Gerald, in a loud, startling voice.
+
+"Gerald," said Mrs. Lyddell, "that is no proper manner of speaking; you
+have behaved very ill already--do not add to your fault. Before any more
+is said, beg Miss Morley's pardon."
+
+There was a silence, and she repeated, "I desire that you will ask Miss
+Morley's pardon directly--still silent? what is the meaning of this?"
+
+Gerald stood bolt upright, and very rigid; poor Marian glancing
+appealingly, first at him, then at Mrs. Lyddell, then at Miss Morley,
+all equally without effect. She saw it all--that he might have been
+brought to own that be had done wrong about this individual case; but
+that the sweeping accusation of disobeying orders, which, as they all
+knew, were never given with anything like decision, had roused a proud,
+determined sense of injustice, and that he was ready to suffer anything
+rather than apologise. She was wild to speak, to do something; yet what
+could she attempt?
+
+Mrs. Lyddell would not begin upon the book-scribbling subject till she
+had conquered the spirit of defiance, and continued to insist on his
+begging Miss Morley's pardon; but the more she ordered, the more
+determined he grew. There he stood, his proud, dark eye fixed on a
+picture on the wall, his lip curled with a sort of disdain, and an
+expression in his whole motionless figure that, had his cause but been
+good, would have been resolution, whereas it now was only indomitable
+self-will and pride.
+
+At any rate, it was an expression that showed that he was not to be
+conquered by woman, though he might have been won over by her: and Mrs.
+Lyddell had tact enough to give up the battle without owning herself
+defeated, and without further discussion said, "Go to your own room,
+Gerald; I shall give you time to reflect and get the better of your
+obstinacy. You may come here again when you are ready to ask Miss Morley
+to forgive you for your very improper conduct towards her."
+
+Without turning to the right or left,--without one look towards his
+sister, Gerald walked out of the room, and even shut the door after him
+gently. Poor Marian, who could guess all that she felt?
+
+"This is very extraordinary," said Mrs. Lyddell, "so well-behaved a boy
+as he is in general."
+
+"Ah! boys of his age always get quite beyond ladies' management," said
+Miss Morley.
+
+"Such determined obstinacy!" said Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"Perhaps he did not understand you," said Marian, unable to keep from
+saying something, though she could not in her agitation think of
+anything to the purpose.
+
+"Understand? that is nonsense, Marian. What was there to understand?
+He spoke very improperly, find I desire him to apologise; and if he is
+obstinate, it is very wrong of you to defend him."
+
+Marian was silenced, though her heart was swelling and her temples
+throbbing. In another minute Mrs. Lyddell was summoned to some more
+company, and Marian had nothing worse to hear than her companions'
+commiseration for the book, and declarations that India rubber would do
+it no good.
+
+The afternoon passed away, and nothing was heard of Gerald: indeed,
+Marian understood him well enough to expect that nothing would be heard.
+As she was on her way to her own room, looking wistfully at his door,
+Lionel overtook her; and thumping her hard on the back, exclaimed,
+"Isn't it a jolly beast, Marian?"
+
+"O, Lionel, it was very naughty of you. How could you make Gerald behave
+so ill?"
+
+"Never mind, Marian, he will get out of it soon enough. Come, don't be
+savage; we did it all for your good."
+
+"My good! how can you talk such nonsense?"
+
+"Why, I'll bet you anything you like, that mamma will never be for
+having the little beastie down to show the company."
+
+Marian half smiled; it was pleasant to find that, towards her at least,
+the boys' intention had been anything but unkind, but still she hardly
+knew how to be placable with Lionel when he had led her brother into
+mischief, and then left him to bear all the blame.
+
+"It was very wrong," she repeated.
+
+"Come, don't be cross, Marian. You don't mean that you really cared for
+that trumpery picture?"
+
+"I did not care for it so much," said she, "but it was a valuable book,
+and it was very kind of your papa to give it to me, so I was sorry to
+have it spoilt."
+
+"Won't it rub out?" said Lionel.
+
+"No, of course not."
+
+"I thought pencil always did."
+
+"And then, Lionel, why could you not have thought what disgrace you were
+leading Gerald into?"
+
+"You don't think, Marian, I was going to be shabby enough to leave
+Gerald alone in the scrape? No, if I do, I'll give you leave to tell of
+me or do whatever you please; but you see now he is not in disgrace for
+drawing that pretty little beast, but for giving poor unfortunate a bit
+of his mind, so what use would there be in my putting my neck into the
+noose before my time? No, if Gerald is the fellow I take him for, and
+stands out about begging her pardon, the whole business of the book will
+blow over, and we shall hear no more of it."
+
+Marian shook her head. "O, Lionel, if you would only think whether a
+thing is right before you do it!"
+
+"How can you wish me to be so stupid, Marian?"
+
+"I am sure, Lionel, the funniest, merriest people that I know, think
+most about what is right."
+
+"Well, that may do in Devonshire perhaps," said Lionel, stretching
+himself, "but it won't here except with you. Indeed there is nobody else
+that I know of that does make such a fuss about right and wrong, except
+Walter, and he hasn't got an atom of fun to bless himself with."
+
+"But, Lionel, what good will all the fun in the world do us when we come
+to die?" said Marian, whispering.
+
+The boy looked full at her, but would not show that he felt any force
+in her words. "I don't mean to die just yet," he said, and by way of
+escaping from the subject he mounted on the balusters, and was sliding
+down as he had often done before, when by some hitch or some slip he
+lost his balance, and slid down without the power to stop himself.
+Marian thought him gone, and with suspended breath stood, in an agony of
+horror, listening for his fall on the stones of the hall far beneath;
+but the next moment she saw that he had been stopped by the turn of the
+staircase, and the instinct of self-preservation had made him cling fast
+to the rail with both hands, though he was unable to recover his footing
+on the narrow ledge of the steps beyond it. She did not scream or call,
+she ran down to the landing place--how she did it she knew not--but she
+threw her arms round him and succeeded in lifting and dragging him over
+the rail, which was not very high, till he stood on the safe side of the
+balusters, Her heart beat, her head swam, and she was obliged to sit
+down on the step and pant for breath; Lionel leant against the wall,
+for his nerve was not restored for a moment or two, after his really
+frightful peril. Not a word was spoken, and perhaps it was better that
+none should pass between them. Mr. Lyddell's step was heard ascending,
+and they both hurried away as fast as they could.
+
+No one was told of the adventure, it was not Marian's part to speak
+of it, if indeed she _could_ have done so, and it did not appear that
+Lionel chose to mention it. Perhaps it was that he did not like to enter
+upon it seriously, and it had been too much of an answer to his light
+speech to be made a laughing matter. At any rate he was silent, and
+Marian was very glad of it.
+
+Mr. Lyddell was coming up to visit the prisoner and try if he could
+bring him to reason, but it soon transpired that all his attempts had
+been in vain, even though he came to a threat that unless Gerald made
+his submission before the next day was at an end, he should be sent to
+school with Lionel at the end of another fortnight.
+
+Marian's distress increased, she was equally wretched at her brother's
+increasing misbehaviour and at its punishment, It was provoking to see
+Johnny walking about in all the grandeur and self-consequence of being
+quite out of the scrape, and evidently rejoicing that Gerald was in
+it; it was provoking to hear Miss Morley and the girls wondering, even
+Saunders' pity was provoking, and there was nothing that gave her the
+least comfort but the perception that Lionel was certainly graver and
+more subdued.
+
+She was allowed to go to her brother for a little while that evening,
+with some hope that she might prevail with him. She found him leaning
+against the window in the failing light, listlessly watching the horses
+and grooms in the mews, which his high window overlooked. He turned his
+head as she came in, but without speaking, and then looked back at the
+window, till she came up to him, put her arm round his neck and turned
+his face towards her. It was a sullen, dogged countenance, such as she
+had seldom or never seen him wear before.
+
+"Gerald, dear Gerald, what is the meaning of this? You never used to
+behave so?"
+
+"I never was served so before," muttered he.
+
+"You have drawn it on yourself. Why will you not submit and ask her
+pardon?"
+
+"What should I ask pardon for? I said nothing but the truth."
+
+"How can you say so. Gerald? Did you not know that you ought not to
+scribble in books? Can you say that Miss Morley has not often spoken to
+you about the Atlas?"
+
+"If you call 'O Sir Gerald!' and 'O you sad boy,' desiring me in a
+rational way, I don't," said Gerald, imitating the tones, "laughing and
+letting me go on; I thought she liked it."
+
+"Now seriously, Gerald."
+
+"Well, I mean that she did not care. If people tell me a thing they
+should make me mind them."
+
+"You should mind without being made, Gerald.
+
+"I would if I thought them in earnest. But now, Marian, was it not a
+horrid shame of her to speak just as if I had been always disobeying
+her on purpose, making Mrs. Lyddell go into a rage with me for what was
+entirely her own fault?"
+
+"No, no, Gerald, you cannot say it was her fault that you spoilt the
+picture."
+
+"I think she ought to beg my pardon for telling such stories about me,"
+repeated Gerald sullenly.
+
+"Recollect yourself, Gerald, you know she meant that she had put you in
+mind that you ought not; and don't you think that, true or not, your
+speech was very rude?"
+
+"If I was to beg her pardon it would mean that she spoke the truth,
+which she did not, for she never took any pains to prevent me from
+drawing in the map-book, or any where else."
+
+"It would not mean any such thing if you were to say, 'Miss Morley, I
+misunderstood you, and I am sorry I was so rude.' I am sure you must be
+sorry for that, for it was not at all like a gentleman. Will you come
+and say so?"
+
+"You're like the rest," mumbled Gerald, turning his back upon her, and
+sitting like a stock.
+
+"Don't you think it would be the best way? Would it not make you
+happier? O what is the use of being obstinate and disobedient? Think of
+going to school in disgrace. O! Gerald, Gerald, what is to be done?"
+
+Still she spoke with earnest pauses and anxious looks, but without the
+least effect, and at last she said, "Well, Gerald, I must go, and very
+much grieved I am. How would dear mamma like to see her little boy going
+on in this way?"
+
+She went to the door and looked back again there, and beheld Gerald,
+with his hands over his face, striving to suppress a burst of sobbing.
+She sprung to him, and would have thrown her arms round his neck, but he
+pushed her off roughly, and with strong effort, drove back the tears,
+and put on an iron face again. Again she entreated, but he would not
+open his lips or give the least sign of listening, or of attending to
+any persuasion, and she was obliged to leave him at last without hope of
+subduing his obstinacy. How far he was now from being the gentle, good
+child that he once had been! and by whose fault was it? Her spirit
+burned with indignation against those who, as she thought, had worked
+the change, and O! where was the influence from which Edmund hoped so
+much?
+
+The next day was long and miserable, for Gerald gave no sign of
+yielding, but remained shut up in his room, maintaining an absolute
+silence, when, at different times, Mrs. Lyddell went to visit him, and
+assure him that Mr. Lyddell was fixed in his determination to send him
+to school if he did not yield before the time of grace was up.
+
+The time of grace was at an end the next morning, and at nine o'clock,
+Gerald was summoned to the dining-room, where Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell were
+at breakfast. He wanted to carry it off with a high hand, but his long
+day of solitude had dulled him, and he looked pale and weary.
+
+"Gerald," said Mrs. Lyddell, "I am sorry you have so persisted in your
+misbehaviour to oblige us to punish you, as we threatened to do. Are you
+now willing to own that you did wrong?"
+
+"I ought not to have spoilt the book," said Gerald boldly, "and I was
+rude to Miss Morley."
+
+"There is a brave boy," said Mr. Lyddell, very much relieved. "Well,
+Gerald, I am glad you have given, in at last; I hate obstinacy, as I
+told you yesterday, but that is over, and we will say no more about it;
+only you know we told you that you should be sent to school, and we must
+keep our word."
+
+"Yes," said Gerald, trying not to let a muscle of his face relax; though
+now the die was cast, his consternation at the thought of school was
+considerable.
+
+"Well, you may go," said Mr. Lyddell, "and remember that obstinacy must
+be got out of a boy some way or other."
+
+Gerald went, and soon entered the schoolroom, where he walked up to Miss
+Morley, saying, "I am sorry I was rude to you the day before yesterday."
+
+"Ah! Sir Gerald, I was sure your better sense--your generous spirit--but
+I hope your submission--I hope Mr. Lyddell forgives--overlooks--"
+
+"I am to go to school when Lionel does, if that is what you mean,"
+replied Gerald, and then he came up to his sister, and looked earnestly,
+yet with an inquiring shyness into her face. Marian might have been
+hopeful, for his manner showed that it was for her opinion that he
+really cared; but she was sad and unhappy at seeing his pride still so
+far from being subdued, and though her heart yearned towards him, she
+shook her head and looked coldly away from him to her book.
+
+Gerald was chilled and went back to Lionel, who had plenty of ready
+sympathy for him; a story half caught from his mamma's report, half
+guessed at, that the old lady had looked full at the beast's curly tail,
+and had said she had never seen anything so like Lady Marchmont; the
+assertion of his own certainty that Gerald would never give in nor own
+that poor unfortunate had spoken the truth, and Gerald felt triumphant,
+as if his self-will had been something heroic, and his imprisonment and
+going to school a martyrdom. It did not last, Gerald's nature was gentle
+and retiring; he dreaded strangers, and his heart sank when he thought
+of school. He wanted his sister to comfort him, but he would soon be out
+of her reach. No Marian--all boys--all strange, and there was no help
+for it now. Gerald rested his forehead against the window and gulped
+down rising tears. But when he found himself on the point of being left
+alone with Marian, his pride rose, and he would not confess that he had
+been wrong or that he was unhappy, so he ran down stairs to find the
+other boys and to get out of her way.
+
+So it went on, Marian was very unhappy at this loss of his confidence;
+but the more she attempted to talk to him, the more he avoided her,
+being resolved not to show how great his dislike and dread of school
+was.
+
+"Gerald," said Lionel, the last day before they were to go, "I have been
+thinking I should like to give Marian something instead of that book."
+
+"So should I," said Gerald, delighted with the idea, for he was feeling
+all the time that he was vexing his sister, and wishing to do something
+by way of compensation.
+
+"I did not mean you," said Lionel, "for it----for you would never have
+been sharp enough to think of the beast for yourself. I only told you
+because you could tell me what she would like best. Papa has just given
+me a sovereign."
+
+"He has given me another," said Gerald, "and we will put them together,
+and do it handsomely."
+
+"Well, what shall it be? Not that stupid book over again."
+
+"O no, no, she has had enough of that already, and there are plenty of
+other books that she wants."
+
+"No, don't let it be a book," said Lionel; "I can't think how anybody
+can like reading, when they can help it."
+
+"Well, I do like some reading, when it is a shipwreck, or a famous
+bloody battle," said Gerald.
+
+"Yes, but then it makes one's eyes ache so."
+
+"It does not mine."
+
+"Well, if I go on long it always makes mine ache," said Lionel. "And
+don't the letters look green and dance about, when you read by candle
+light?"
+
+"No," said Gerald. "How funny that is, Lionel. But I'll tell you what,
+we will get Walter to take us out, and we shall be sure to see something
+famous, in some shop-window or other."
+
+Walter was at home for the Easter vacation, and under his protection the
+boys were allowed to go out. Very patient he was, and wisely did he
+give his counsel in the important choice which, if left to the boys
+themselves, might probably have been really something famous. Marian
+would have been grateful to him, had she known all that he averted from
+her, a stuffed fox, an immense pebble brooch, a pair of slippers covered
+with sportive demons. At every shop which furnished guns, knives, or
+fishing tackle, they stopped and lamented that she was not a boy,
+there was nothing in the world fit for girls; they tried a bazaar, and
+pronounced everything trumpery, and Walter was beginning to get into
+despair, when at last Lionel came to a stop before a print shop, calling
+out, "Hollo, Gerald, here's Beauty and the Beast itself!"
+
+It was the beautiful engraving from Raphael's picture of
+
+  Saint Margaret in meekness treading
+  Upon the dragon 'neath her spreading.
+
+And Walter, rejoicing that their choice was likely to fall on anything
+which a young lady might be so glad to possess, conducted them into the
+shop, and gave all the desired assistance in effecting the purchase. It
+was a fine impression, and the price was so high as to leave the boys'
+finances at rather a low ebb; but Walter, in his secret soul, thought
+this by no means to be regretted, since it was much better for them
+that it should be generously spent at once in this manner, than that it
+should be frittered away in the unaccountable and vain manner in which
+he had usually seen schoolboys' money wasted.
+
+So S. Margaret was bought and rolled up, and so afraid were the boys
+that she should not be rightly sent home, that they insisted on carrying
+her themselves, and almost quarrelled as to which should have the first
+turn.
+
+Marian, on coming into her room, found both the boys on the top of the
+chest of drawers, trying to pin the print up against the wall, and
+though her arrival caused them some discomfiture, it was on the whole
+a fortunate circumstance, since it saved the corners from extensive
+damage.
+
+"O Lionel! O Gerald! how beautiful! how very nice! What a lovely face!
+Is it really for me? How I do thank you, but I am afraid you have spent
+all your money."
+
+"It is a better Beauty and the Beast than the old one," said Gerald,
+"Isn't it, Marian?"
+
+"A better beauty, but not a better beast," said Lionel.
+
+"It is very beautiful indeed," said Marian; "I shall get a frame for it,
+and it will always put me in mind of you both."
+
+"Yes, you will always think of me when you look at the beauty," said
+Lionel, "and of Gerald when you look at the beast."
+
+"S. Margaret and the dragon! I wish I knew the story," said Marian;
+"but I suppose it is an allegory like that of S. George. How good and
+innocent she looks! Yes, see, Gerald, she is walking pure and white
+through the park forest, and conquering the dragon. You see the palm in
+the hand for victory. So innocent and so fearless."
+
+"I thought it would be one of those funny Roman Catholic stories, like
+what Caroline was reading one day," said Lionel.
+
+"I don't like making fun of those," said Marian. "They often mean a
+great deal, if you don't laugh at them, and tell them properly. I
+am sure this print is to put us in mind of how we are to overcome
+temptation, and I do like it very much. Thank you both."
+
+Lionel was here called away, but Gerald remained, and proceeded to a
+more minute examination of the beauties of the print, of which he was
+very proud.
+
+"O, Gerald, dear, if we could be like it," said Marian.
+
+"Like it? That you'll never be, Marian; your hair is too black."
+
+"Yes, but like it within. Pure and clear from sin in the midst of a bad
+world. I shall look at it and think of that very often, and you must
+think too, Gerald."
+
+"I mean to be good at school," said Gerald.
+
+And leaning against his sister, he let her talk to him as in times of
+old, advising him with all her might, for he really liked it, and was
+comfortable in having it so, though he would have been ashamed to
+own that he did. Her advice was at once childish and wise; sometimes
+sensible, sometimes impracticable. Let any sister of fourteen think what
+counsel she would give a brother of nine if he would but listen to her,
+and she will have a very fair idea of it. Gerald listened and promised
+earnestly, and she thought, hoped, and trusted that his promises would
+be kept: she reminded him of all that could strengthen his resolution,
+and talked of the holidays with what cheer she might. She had copied out
+a morning and evening prayer from her own treasured book, rather than
+give him such another, because she thought he would perhaps heed them
+more in her handwriting, and she now gave them to him, folded up in a
+neat little silk case, which he could keep without observation. How she
+put her arm round him and pressed him towards her as she gave them into
+his hand, and felt that she was doing what her mother would have done,
+so earnestly, so tearfully, so much more impressively. O was she
+watching them now?
+
+The brother and sister were interrupted at last, and called down to tea.
+The evening passed away heavily, spent as it was for the most part in
+the drawing-room; and the last thing before the boys went to bed, Lionel
+pushing Gerald roughly off, held Marian fast by the hand, and whispered
+in her ear, "I say--you've written out something for Gerald."
+
+"Yes," she answered, horrified that he should have found it out.
+
+"Would you mind doing it for me? Don't tell any one."
+
+Was not this a pleasure? Marian sat up in her dressing-gown that night
+to write the prayers in her very clearest writing, for she knew Lionel
+never liked to read what was not large and clear, and she guessed that
+late in the evening, after all his lessons, he would have too many
+"green and blue monsters," as he used to call them, before his eyes,
+to be willing to give them more work than he could possibly help. She
+thought her mamma would have been very uneasy if she had heard of those
+green and blue monsters, and she wondered whether Mrs. Lyddell knew
+or cared about them, but Lionel was one of the least regarded of the
+family, and nobody but Johnny ever thought it worth while to make a
+trifling complaint to her. It was far worse that Lionel should be left
+to obtain a form of private prayer by such a chance as this. Alas! alas
+for them all! She was too unhappy to think more of Lionel, and in the
+midst of earnest prayers for Gerald, she cried herself asleep.
+
+Poor child, she was too miserable all the next day to give us any
+pleasure in contemplating her.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+  "Too soon the happy child
+  His nook of homeward thought will change;
+  For life's seducing wild;
+  Too son his altered day-dreams show
+  This earth a boundless space,
+  With sunbright pleasures to and fro,
+  Coursing in joyous race."
+
+  _Christian Year_.
+
+
+A couple of weeks had passed away, and Marian was beginning to feel
+rather more accustomed to the absence of Gerald and Lionel, and to find
+pleasure in the letters which spoke of her brother taking a good place,
+and from which it did not appear that he disliked school so much as she
+had feared. Still she could not but miss him grievously, and feel the
+want of some one to cling to her, bring his troubles to her, and watch
+for moments of private conference. Her days seemed to follow each other
+without animation or interest; and if it had not been for some of her
+lessons, and for his letters and Agnes Wortley's, she felt as if she
+could have done nothing but yawn till the holidays.
+
+One day, as the young ladies were returning from a walk in the park,
+they saw a carriage standing at their own door,--too frequent an
+occurrence, as Marian thought, to call for such warm interest as Clara
+expressed. Yet even Marian grew eager when she heard her cousins exclaim
+that there was a coronet on it,--a Viscount's coronet. They were now
+close to the house, just about to ring, when the door opened, the
+visitor came out, and at that moment Marian sprang forward with a joyful
+face, but without a word. The lady held out both hands, and standing on
+the top of the steps of the door, she drew Marian up to her, and kissed
+her on each cheek with great eagerness, completely regardless of the
+spectators.
+
+"Marian, dear little Marian herself! I was afraid I had quite missed
+you, though I waited as long as I could. You look like your own self,
+little pale cheeks! Well, I must not stay; I have arranged with Mrs.
+Lyddell for you to spend to-morrow with me. I will send the carriage for
+you, and you know how much I have to show you--my husband and my son!
+You will come, Marian? Not a word? Ah! your own way. Good-bye; you will
+find your tongue to-morrow. Good-bye."
+
+She let go the hands and sprang into the carriage, giving a smile and
+nod as she drove off, that filled Marian's soul, almost to overflowing,
+with a rush of memories. It was as if she was no longer standing on the
+hard steps, with black streets, and tall, dingy yellow houses bounding
+her view, and carriages thundering in her ears; no longer lonely among
+numbers, but as if she was on the bright green grass-plat by the
+Manor-House door, the myrtles and sycamore nodding round her; the
+shadows of the clouds chasing each other in purple spots over the
+moors; her father at the window; her mother, Gerald, Edmund, Agnes, all
+standing round; that sweet voice, with, that same bright smile, that
+same arch little nod, repeating the "good-bye," and speaking of meeting
+next year; and Marian herself thinking how very long a year would be.
+And now two years had passed since that time, and such years! How
+much older Marian felt! But there was Selina--Selina herself, not the
+Beauty--that was enough for joy!
+
+Marian was roused from her dream by exclamations of delight and
+admiration from her cousins, "How very beautiful!" "O, I never saw
+anything so lovely!" "Marian, how could you say that she was not like
+her picture?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, gradually waking from her trance.
+
+"Don't you think her the most beautiful creature you ever saw?"
+
+"I don't know."
+
+"Don't know!" cried Caroline, impatiently. "Do you know whether your
+head is on or not?"
+
+"I don't--nonsense," said Marian, laughing heartily, "The fact was, I
+never had time to look or think whether she was pretty; I only saw she
+was just like herself."
+
+"Well, Marian; so you met her?" said Mrs. Lyddell's voice in its most
+delighted tone, at the top of the stairs. "I never saw a more charming
+person. So very handsome, and so elegant, and so very agreeable. You
+have heard of her invitation?"
+
+"Yes; thank you for letting me go," said Marian.
+
+"O yes, of course! I am delighted that you should have the advantage of
+such an acquaintance. I hope it will be quite an intimacy. I am sure
+whenever--Well, certainly, I never met with anything more fascinating.
+She spoke of you with such affection, my dear; I am sure she must be the
+most delightful person!"
+
+Marian was not suffered to proceed up stairs till she had been told
+all the particulars of Lady Marchmont's visit, and had answered many
+questions respecting her; and, when she went up to the school-room,
+it was the same thing. The party there seemed to look upon their good
+fortune, in having had a sight of her, something as if they had seen
+the Queen, or "the Duke;" and it was with a sort of awe that Clara
+pronounced the words "Lady Marchmont," as she talked over every
+particular of her dress and deportment.
+
+All this in some degree perplexed Marian. Titled ladies were by no means
+unusual among Mrs. Lyddell's visitors, and did not create anything
+like this sensation; and she had not been used at home to hear Selina
+Grenville talked of as anything more than a wild, gay-tempered girl,
+whose character for wisdom did not stand very high. To be sure she was
+now married, and that might make a difference; but then Edmund had since
+spoken of her as giddy, and as if he had not the highest idea of her
+discretion. Moreover, it struck Marian herself that she had spoken of
+her husband and child just as if they were two playthings, to be shown
+off. Of course that was only in fun, but Marian's was the time of life
+to have great ideas of the requisite gravity of demeanour in a married
+woman. Altogether, much as she loved Selina, and clever and engaging
+as she thought her, it astonished her not a little to find that the
+relationship conferred upon herself such distinction in the eyes of her
+cousins; and she spent the evening and the next morning alternately in
+speculations of this kind, hopes of a home-like day, and fears that
+Selina after all might prove the affected Viscountess of the Wreath of
+Beauty.
+
+The time came, the carriage was sent punctually, and in due time Marian
+was being marshalled up the broad staircase by the tall servants, in all
+the trepidation of making her first visit in state on her own account,
+and feeling at every step as if she was getting further into the Wreath
+of Beauty. Across a great drawing-room,--such a beautiful grand room,--a
+folding door is opened; "Miss Arundel" is announced, and there she
+stands in all her stiffness.
+
+There was a little table near the fire, and beside it sat Lady
+Marchmont, writing notes, in the plainest and most becoming of morning
+dresses,--a sort of brown holland looking thing, with a plain, stiff,
+white collar, and a dark blue ribbon, her only ornament, except one
+large gold bracelet. Her hair was twisted in glossy sunny waves behind
+her ear, as in some Greek statues; her blue eyes were bright and
+lustrous, and nothing was ever clearer and more delicate than the slight
+tinge of red on her cheeks. Lord Marchmont was standing leaning on the
+mantelshelf, apparently in consultation with her.
+
+As soon as Marian entered, Selina's pen was thrown down, and she flew
+forward, throwing her arms round her little cousin, and kissing her
+repeatedly. Then, her arm round Marian's neck, and her hand on her
+shoulder, she led her towards Lord Marchmont, who stepped forward to
+receive her, saying, "Yes, here she is, here is your little cousin; and
+hero, Marian, here is your great cousin. Now I would give five shillings
+to know what you think of each other."
+
+"I suppose one part of that pleasure will only be deferred till I am out
+of the room," said Lord Marchmont, as he shook hands with Marian in a
+kind, cordial, cousinly manner. He was a brown, strong-featured man of
+three or four and thirty, hardly young enough, and far from handsome
+enough, in Marian's very youthful eyes, to be suited to his wife, but
+very sensible and good-natured looking.
+
+"No, Marian is a safe person, and will get no further than 'I don't
+know;' at least if she is the Marian I take her for," said Lady
+Marchmont.
+
+"Very prudent," was his answer, smiling at Marian; and then, in
+compassion to her confusion, gathering up his papers, and preparing to
+depart.
+
+"Are you going?" said his wife. "Well, I do you the justice to say that,
+under the circumstances, it is the wisest proceeding in your power; for
+I shall not get three words out of Marian all the time you are here."
+
+After a few more words of consultation on their own affairs, he left the
+room, and then Selina caught hold of Marian again, and said she must
+have a thorough good look at her all over, to see how much of dear old
+Fern Torr she had brought with her.
+
+Selina Grenville was the youngest daughter of a sister of Sir Edmund
+Arundel, who had, like the rest of her family, died early. She had been
+a good deal abroad with her father and a married sister. Her uncommon
+beauty and engaging manners gained her, when she was little more than
+eighteen, the affection of Lord Marchmont, a more distant connection
+of the Arundel family; and happily for Selina, she appreciated him
+sufficiently to return his love so thoroughly, as to lay aside all the
+little coquetries which had hitherto been the delight of her life; and
+to devote herself to him even as he deserved.
+
+It might have been that the poem had said too much in pronouncing her to
+be a woman as well as a wife; for Selina Marchmont was almost as much of
+a child as Selina Grenville had been, and only now and then did those
+deeper shades of thought pass over her face, which showed how much soul
+there was within her as yet only half developed. Her manners were almost
+more playful than suited her position, though they became her perfectly;
+her husband delighted in them; but it was this that had given her grave
+and saddened cousin, Edmund, an impression that her sense was not of a
+high order.
+
+She was very warm-hearted. She had been exceedingly attached to her
+uncle and aunt at Fern Torr; and now it seemed as if she could never
+fondle Marian enough. The first thing was to show her baby, but she
+premised that she did not expect Marian to go into raptures about him;
+she never did expect any one to like babies. "In fact, Marian," she
+whispered, "don't betray me, but I am a wee bit afraid of him myself. It
+is such a very little live thing, and that nurse of his never will let
+me have any comfort with him, and never will trust me to get acquainted
+with him in a _tête-à-tête_, poor little man! O, here he comes! the
+Honourable William James Bertram Marchmont--his name nearly as long as
+himself."
+
+In came a broad, tall, dignified nurse, large enough to have made at
+least four Selinas, carrying a small bundle of long white robes. Selina
+took the little bundle in her arms rather timidly, and held it for
+Marian to see. Pew babies were ever looked at more silently; he was a
+small, but pretty, healthy-looking child of between two and three months
+old,--a very wax doll of a baby, with little round mottled arms moving
+about, and tiny hands flourishing helplessly, he looked just fit for his
+mamma. She held him with the fond, proud, almost over care with which
+little girls take for a moment some new brother or sister; and as she
+gazed upon him without a word, the earnest intensity of expression
+gathered upon her beautiful face. After about five minutes thus spent,
+she roused herself, and began gaily to tell Marian not to trouble
+herself to seek for a likeness in him to anybody, or to say anything so
+wild as that he in the least resembled her or his papa; and then she
+nodded and smiled at him, and seemed as if she would have talked to him
+and played with him, if his nurse had not been standing close by all the
+time, looking as if she was being defrauded of her property.
+
+"It is time Master Marchmont should be taken out before the sun goes
+off, my Lady," said she, authoritatively.
+
+"Very well, I suppose he must," said Selina, reluctantly giving him back
+again after a timid kiss.
+
+"There goes my lady nurse and her child," said she with a sigh, hidden
+even from herself by a laugh. "I am sure he seems a great deal more hers
+than mine; but there, I should never know what to do with him. Come,
+Marian, now for all about yourself, my poor child. How do they use you?"
+
+Much indeed there was to hear; and much to tell on either side, and
+scarcely for a moment did the two cousins cease from talking as they sat
+together in the morning, and drove together in the afternoon. Selina was
+one of those people who have a wonderful power of dispelling reserve,
+chiefly by their own frankness; and when she had told Marian all the
+history of her first sight of Lord Marchmont, and the whole courtship,
+and all that she had thought "so very noble" in him, and tried to make
+her understand how very happy she was, Marian's heart was open in her
+turn. Not the depths of it,--not such things as by a great effort she
+had told to Edmund, and might possibly tell to Mrs. Wortley, but much
+more than she could ever have said to any one else; and free and
+abundant was the sympathy and pity she received,--pity even beyond what
+she thought she deserved. She was surprised to observe that Selina spoke
+of the Lyddells with a sort of contempt, as if they were wanting in
+refinement; whereas she herself had never thought of their being
+otherwise than lady-like, and certainly very fashionable; but she
+supposed Lady Marchmont knew best, and was pleased to find herself
+considered superior. Gerald was of course one of their subjects of
+conversation, and gradually Marian, with her strict regard to truth,
+from a little unguardedness, found herself involved in a tangle from
+which there was no escape, without telling the whole story of the Wreath
+of Beauty.
+
+She need not have been afraid; Selina laughed as if nothing would ever
+make her cease, and insisted on Marian's bringing the portrait the next
+time she came to visit her. She vowed that she would patronise Lionel
+for ever for his cleverness; and when Marian looked sorrowful about the
+consequences, she told her that it was much better for Gerald to be at
+school, and she was very glad he was gone; and then she patted Marian's
+shoulder, and begged that she would not think her very cruel for saying
+so.
+
+Marian was very glad to be able to acquit her of vanity, when she heard
+the history of the insertion of the engraving, which had been entreated
+for by persons whom Lord Marchmont did not like to disoblige. The
+engraving both he and Selina disliked very much; and when Marian saw the
+original portrait, she perceived that the affectation did not reside
+there, for it was very beautiful, and the only fault to be found with it
+was chiefly attributable to the fact that miniatures always make
+people look so pretty, that this did not give the idea of a person so
+surpassingly lovely as Selina.
+
+Lord Marchmont came in several times to speak to his wife, but Marian
+did not see much of him till dinner-time, and then she liked him very
+much. He was certainly rather a grave person, and she wondered to see
+how Selina could be so merry with him; but he was evidently amused,
+and Marian had yet to learn how a clever and much occupied man likes
+nonsense to be talked to him and before him in his hours of relaxation.
+He behaved to Marian herself very kindly, and just as if she was a
+grown-up person,--a treat which she had scarcely enjoyed since she left
+Fern Torr; and though she was silent, as usual when with strangers, it
+was with no uncomfortable shyness: she was more at ease already with him
+than with Mr. Lyddell.
+
+Selina told him the history of Gerald's works of art in so droll a
+manner, that Marian herself saw it in a much funnier aspect than she had
+ever done before. He was much diverted, and turning to Marian, said,
+with seriousness that would have alarmed her, but for Selina's laughter,
+and a certain sub-smile about the corners of his mouth, that he hoped he
+was not to take the Beast as anything personal. Selina told him that she
+wanted him to convince Marian that it was a very good thing for Gerald
+to be sent to school, and he set to work to do so in earnest with much
+kindness, and by asking sundry questions about her brother's attainments
+and tastes, he so won her, that she was ready to do him the honour of
+acknowledging him as one of her own cousins.
+
+The evening came too soon to an end, though the carriage had not been
+ordered to take Marian home, till ten o'clock. It had all been like one
+dream of brightness, and Marian, when she awoke the next morning, could
+hardly believe that it was the truth that she had enjoyed herself so
+much, and that a house containing such happiness for her could be in
+London or so near her.
+
+The schoolroom looked very black and dull after the bright little
+sitting-room where she had parted with Selina; the lessons were
+wearisome, her companions more uncongenial than ever; she felt actually
+cross at the examination to which Clara subjected her about every trifle
+she could think of, in the house of Marchmont. She could have talked of
+its delights if there had been anybody to care about them in her own
+way, but that was the great if of Marian's life. She was conscious
+that her day's pleasure had unhinged her, and made her present tasks
+unusually distasteful, and she thought it the fault of the Lyddells, and
+in a great fit of repining blamed Edmund for injustice to Selina in
+not letting her house be their home. Her great hope was of another day
+there, the only thing that seemed to give a brightness to her life, and
+she looked forward to an intercourse between Lady Marchmont and Mrs.
+Lyddell, which would produce continual meetings.
+
+However, time passed on, and she did not see Selina. Mrs. Lyddell took
+her when she went to return the visit, but Lady Marchmont was not at
+home. It was not till after more than a fortnight that she received a
+little note from her, saying that they were going to a show of flowers,
+and would send for Marian to go with them.
+
+There was quite a commotion in the house on the occasion; not that all
+were not willing that Marian should go, but that Mrs. Lyddell thought
+her dress not at all fit; the plain straw bonnet which Marian _would_
+buy, in spite of all that could be said to the contrary, and that old
+black silk dress which did very well just for going to Church in, with a
+governess, but----
+
+Mrs. Lyddell and Saunders were for once in their lives agreed; and
+Marian, who thought her money would have served her this time to
+fulfil her grand scheme of buying Tytler's History of Scotland, was
+overpowered, and obliged to let them have their will, and wear it
+outside her head, in white silk; instead of inside, in Robert Bruce's
+wanderings.
+
+She was quite ready, in new bonnet and mantle, by the time Lady
+Marchmont's carriage was at the door, and very happy she was to find
+herself by her side again. Perhaps there was a little consciousness
+of newness in the manner in which she wore them, for Lady Marchmont
+remarked upon them, and said that they were very pretty, as in fact they
+were. Marian looked disconsolate, and Selina laughingly asked why. She
+told her former wishes, and was further laughed at, or rather Mrs.
+Lyddell was. Selina said the old bonnet would have done just as well;
+"it was so like such people to smarten up for a great occasion."
+
+Such people! Marian wondered again, and disliked her white bonnet more
+than ever, resolving for the future to trust her own taste. She soon
+forgot all this, however, in the pleasure of seeing green grass and
+trees, and the beautiful, most beautiful flowers, with their delicious
+perfume. This was real delight, such as she had never imagined before,
+and she thought she could have studied the wonderful forms of those
+tropical plants for ever, if it had not been for the crowds of people,
+and for a little awe of Lord Marchmont, who had given her his arm, and
+who did not seem to know or care much even for the dove orchis or the
+zebra-striped pitcher-plant. She wished she could turn him into Edmund,
+and looked at every plant which she fancied a native of the Cape, almost
+as kindly as if it had been a primrose of Fern Torr.
+
+It was another delightful day. Marian went back with her friends,
+and sat by while Selina was dressed for an evening party, heard a
+description of her home in the country, and gave a very unflattering one
+of Oakworthy, gained somehow or other a renewed impression of her own
+superiority to the Lyddells, and went home to indulge in another fit of
+discontent.
+
+Such were Marian's visits to Lady Marchmont, and such their effect. Mrs.
+Lyddell did much indeed that was calculated to give strength to the
+feeling by the evident pride which she took in Marian's familiarity with
+Lady Marchmont, and even in the cold, distant, formal civility with
+which she herself was treated.
+
+There was danger around Marian which she did not understand, the world
+was tempting her in a different way. She disliked what she saw among the
+Lyddells too much to find their worldly tastes and tempers infectious,
+but her intercourse with Selina was a temptation in a new form. She
+loved Selina so heartily as to see with her eyes, and be led by her in
+opinions: especially when these were of a kind according with her own
+character. It was from her that Marian imbibed the idea that she was to
+be pitied for living in her present home, not because Mrs. Lyddell's
+mind was set on earth and earthly things, but because she did not belong
+to those elite circles which Marian learnt to believe her own proper
+place. Edmund had told her she might stand on high ground, and she
+believed him, but was this such high ground as he meant? The danger did
+not strike Marian, because it did not seem to her like pride, since the
+distinction, whatever it was, did not consist in rank; she would have
+had a horror of valuing herself on being a baronet's daughter, but this
+more subtle difference flattered her more refined feelings of vanity;
+and though she was far from being conscious of it, greatly influenced
+her frame of mind, and her conduct towards her cousins. It was not
+without reason now that Caroline thought her proud.
+
+It must not, however, be supposed that this was Marian's abiding frame
+of mind; it was rather the temper which was infused into her by each
+successive visit to Selina during the next three years. Of course, every
+time it was renewed, it was also strengthened, but it was chiefly her
+London disposition, and used in great degree to go off when she
+was taken up with the interests of Oakworthy, and removed from the
+neighbourhood of Lady Marchmont.
+
+Oakworthy was so preferable to London, except so far as that she was
+there out of Selina's reach, that she began to have a kindness for it.
+She knew some of the poor people there, in whom Caroline had kept up an
+interest ever since Miss Cameron's time; the smoky streets of London
+had taught her to prize the free air and green turf of the Downs; and,
+thanks to Edmund, her own dear Mayflower awaited her there, and she
+enjoyed many a canter with Caroline and Walter. She began for the first
+time to become acquainted with the latter, and to learn to look upon him
+with high esteem, but to obtain a knowledge of him was a very difficult
+matter. He was naturally diffident and bashful, and his spirits were
+not high; he had been thrown more and more into himself by his mother's
+hastiness of manner and his father's neglect. His principles were high
+and true, his conduct excellent, and as he had never given any cause for
+anxiety, he was almost always overlooked by the whole family. Nor was he
+clever, and the consciousness of this added to his timidity, which being
+unfortunately physical as well as mental, caused him to be universally
+looked down upon by his brothers. Even Marian began to share the
+feeling when she saw him turn pale and start back from the verge of a
+precipitous chalk pit where she could stand in perfect indifference, and
+when she heard him aver his preference for quiet horses. Mayflower's
+caperings were to him and Caroline so shocking, and it appeared to them
+so improper that she should be allowed to mount such an animal, that but
+for her complete ease, her delight in the creature's spirit, and her
+earnest entreaties, a complaint against Mayflower would certainly have
+been preferred to the authorities.
+
+In spite of all this, there was satisfaction in talking to Walter, for
+he saw things as Marian did, right and wrong were his first thoughts,
+and his right and wrong were the same as hers. This was worth a great
+deal to her, though she was often provoked with him for want of boldness
+in condemnation. A man grown up could, she thought, do so much to set
+things to rights, if he would but speak out openly, and remonstrate,
+but Walter shrank from interfering in any way; it seemed to cost him an
+effort even to agree with Marian's censure. Yes, she thought, as she
+stood looking at the print of S. Margaret, Walter might pass by the
+dragon, nay, fight his own battle with it, but he would never tread it
+manfully under, so that it might not rise to hurt others. He might mourn
+for the sins around him, but would he ever correct them? Marian thought
+if she was a man, a man almost twenty, destined to be a clergyman, she
+had it in her soul to have done great things; then she would not be shy,
+for she should feel it her duty to speak.
+
+In the meantime, Marian had a trouble of her own, a sore place in her
+heart, and in its tenderest spot, for Gerald was the cause. The first
+holidays had been all she could desire; he was affectionate, open, full
+of talk about home and Edmund, with the best of characters; and with the
+exception of all the other boys being "fellows" and nameless, there was
+nothing like reserve about him; but the next time, he had not been three
+days in the house, before she perceived that the cloud had come down
+again, which had darkened the last few weeks before his going to school.
+He avoided being alone with her, he would not let her ask him questions,
+he talked as if he despised his governors and teachers, and regarded
+rules as things made to be eluded. His master's letter did not give a
+satisfactory account of him, and when Marian tried to fish out something
+about his goings on from Lionel, she met with impenetrable silence,
+Lionel himself seemed to be going through school pretty much in the same
+way, with fits and starts of goodness, and longer intervals of idleness,
+but he made his eyes a reason, or an excuse, for not doing more. They
+were large, bright, blue, expressive eyes, and it was hard to believe
+them in fault, but strong sunshine or much reading by candle-light
+always brought the green and purple monsters, and sometimes a degree of
+inflammation. It was said that he must be careful of them, and how much
+of his idleness was necessary, how much was shirking, was a question for
+his own conscience.
+
+Every time Gerald came home, Marian saw something more that pained her.
+There was the want of confidence that grew more evident every time,
+though it was by no means want of affection; it was vain to try to keep
+him away from the stables; he read books on Sunday which she did not
+approve, she did not think he wrote to Edmund, and what made her more
+uneasy than all was, that Elliot was becoming the great authority with
+him. Elliot had begun to take a sort of distant patronising notice of
+hint, which seemed to give him great pleasure, and which Marian who
+every year had reason to think worse of Elliot, considered very
+dangerous. She could not bear to see Gerald search through, the
+newspapers for the racing intelligence, and to see him orating
+scientifically to Lionel and Johnny about the points of the horses; she
+did not like to see him talking to the gamekeepers, and set her face,
+more than was perhaps prudent, against all the field sports which were
+likely to lead him into Elliot's society.
+
+In her zeal against this danger, she forgot how keen a sportsman
+Edmund himself was, and spoke as if she thought these amusements wrong
+altogether, and to be avoided, and this, together with the example of
+Walter, gave Gerald a very undesirable idea of the dulness of being
+steady and well conducted. That he spent more money than was good for
+him, was also an idea of hers gathered from chance observations of her
+own, and unguarded words of the other boys; but this was one of the
+points on which his reserve was the strictest, and she only could be
+anxious in ignorance. The holidays, anticipated with delight, ended in
+pain, though still she cherished a hope that what alarmed her might be
+boyish thoughtlessness of no importance in itself, and only magnified by
+her fears.
+
+She was encouraged in this by finding that Lord Marchmont, when he saw
+him once in London, thought him a very fine, promising boy, and that Mr.
+and Mrs. Lyddell did not seem to see anything seriously amiss. But then
+Lord Marchmont had not seen enough of him to be able to judge, and would
+not have told her even if he had thought there probably was anything
+wrong; and she could not trust to Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell. It was very
+painful to imagine herself unjust to her only brother, and she drove the
+fears away; but back they would always come, every time Gerald was at
+home, and every time she looked and longed in vain for a letter from
+him.
+
+Thus passed, as has already been said, three years, spent for the most
+part without event. Caroline, at eighteen, was introduced; but though
+her evenings were given to company, her mornings were still spent in the
+schoolroom, of which indeed she was the chief brightness. Marian, though
+she had the offer of coming out at the same time, was very glad to
+embrace the alternative of waiting another year. She was now a little
+past her seventeenth birthday, which emancipated her from being
+absolutely Miss Morley's pupil. She breakfasted with the rest of the
+family, dined with them when there was not a large party, learnt more
+of masters, and studied more on her own account than she had ever done
+before; and only depended on Miss Morley and Clara for companionship in
+walking and meals, when Caroline was otherwise engaged.
+
+She was more with the Marchmonts than ever during this spring. She rode
+with them, kept Selina company when her husband went out without her;
+went about with her wherever a girl of woman's height, though not yet
+come out, could be taken; and was almost always at any of her dinners or
+evening parties, where she could have the pleasure of seeing anything
+that was distinguished. It was a very pleasant life; for she was new to
+the liberty of being loosed from schoolroom restraints, and at the same
+time the restraints and duties of society had not laid hold upon her.
+Among Selina's friends she was not expected to talk, and could listen
+in peace to the conversation of the very superior men Lord Marchmont
+brought around him; or if she chanced to exchange a few words with any
+of them, she remembered it afterwards as a distinction. Selina, with all
+the homage paid to her beauty, her rank, her fascination of manner, and
+her husband's situation, was made much of by all, and was able to avoid
+being bored, without affronting any one; and a spoilt child of fashion
+herself, in her generosity and affection, she made Marian partake her
+pleasures, and avoid annoyances as far as she could, like herself. It
+was a pleasant life, and Marian thoroughly enjoyed it but was it a safe
+one?
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+  "So too may soothing Hope thy leave enjoy,
+  Sweet visions of long severed hearts to frame;
+  Though absence may impair or cares annoy,
+  Some constant mind may draw us still the same."
+
+  _Christian Year_.
+
+
+"Here are two letters for you, Marian," said Mrs. Lyddell, meeting the
+girls as they came in from a walk; "Lady Marchmont's servant left this
+note."
+
+"An invitation to dinner for this evening," said Marian opening it; "ah!
+I knew they were to have a party; 'just recollected that Lady Julia
+Faulkner used to know Fern Torr, and I must have you to meet her, if it
+is not a great bore.'"
+
+"Then, my dear, had you not better send an answer? James can take it
+directly."
+
+"No, no, thank you; the carriage will call at seven. Who can this Lady
+Julia be? But--" by this time Marian had arrived at her other letter,
+and, with a sudden start and scream of joy, she exclaimed, "They are
+coming!"
+
+"Coming? Who?" asked Caroline.
+
+"Agnes--and Mr. and Mrs. Wortley! O! All coming to stay with their
+friends in Cadogan Place. I shall see them at any time I please."
+
+"I am very glad of it," said Caroline.
+
+"Tell them that their earliest engagement must be to us," said Mrs.
+Lyddell. "When do you expect them?"
+
+"Next week, next week itself," cried Marian, "to stay a whole fortnight,
+or perhaps three weeks. Mr. Wortley has business which will occupy
+him--"
+
+Few faces ever expressed more joy than Marian's in the prospect of a
+meeting with these dearest of friends; Mrs. Lyddell and Caroline smiled
+at her joy as she flew out of the room to make Saunders a partaker in
+her pleasure.
+
+"Strange girl," said Caroline; "so cold to some, so warm to others; I
+shall be glad to see these incomparable Wortleys."
+
+"So shall I," said Mrs. Lyddell; "but I expect that Marian's opinion of
+them will soon alter, she has now become used to such different society.
+However we must be very civil to them, be they what they may."
+
+In the meantime Marian penned a letter to Agnes, in terms of delight and
+affection twenty times warmer than any which had ever passed her lips,
+and then resigned herself to Saunders' hands to be dressed, without
+much free will on her own part; too excited to read as usual during
+the operation, sometimes talking, sometimes trying to imagine Agnes in
+London, a conjunction which seemed to her almost impossible.
+
+The carriage came for her, and in due time she was entering the great
+drawing-room, where Selina, looking prettier than ever in her evening
+dress, sat reading a novel and awaiting her guests.
+
+"O Selina, only think," she began; "the Wortleys are coming!"
+
+"What say you? Why, Marian, you are in a wild state. Who are coming?"
+
+"The Wortleys, Selina, my own Agnes."
+
+"O, your old clergyman's daughter! You constant little dove, you don't
+mean that you have kept up that romantic friendship all these years?"
+
+"Why, Selina!"
+
+"Yes, yes, I remember all about them now: the daughter was your great
+friend."
+
+"She was more yours," said Marian, "when you were at Fern Torr, because
+you were more nearly the same age. Don't you remember how you used to
+whisper under the sycamore tree, and send me out of the way?"
+
+"Poor little Marian! Well, those were merry times, and I rather think
+your Agnes promised to be very pretty."
+
+"And shall not you be glad to see her?"
+
+"When do they come?"
+
+"Next Monday, to--Cadogan Place."
+
+"Close to you. Well, that is lucky; but now, my dear, if you can come
+down from the clouds for a moment, I want to tell you about Lady Julia."
+
+"Who is she?" said Marian, bringing back her attention with an effort.
+
+"A tiresome woman," whispered Selina, with a sort of affectation of
+confidence; "but the fact is, Lord Marchmont used to know her husband,
+or his father, or his great grandfather, sometime in the dark ages, and
+so be wants me to make much of her. She is one of the people that it is
+real toil to make talk for; but by good fortune I remembered that I had
+heard some legend about her once knowing my uncles, and so I thought
+that a cross-examination of you about Gerald and Fern Torr would be a
+famous way of filling up the evening."
+
+"O!" said Marian in a not very satisfied tone, "so she has a husband,
+has she? I fancied from your note that she only consisted of herself,"
+
+"She consists of a son and daughters," said Selina.
+
+"Her husband is dead, but the rest of the house you will presently see."
+
+"Eh?" said Lord Marchmont, coming out of the other room where he had
+been writing, and greeting Marian.
+
+"You don't mean that you have invited that young Faulkner?"
+
+"You would, not have me leave out the only agreeable one of the
+party--something to sweeten the infliction."
+
+Lord Marchmont smiled at the arch, bold, playful manner with which she
+looked up in his face, as if to defy him to be displeased; but still he
+was evidently vexed, and said, "It is hard upon Marian only to take her
+from Elliot Lyddell's society to bring her into Mr. Faulkner's."
+
+"Indeed! but that is hard on Mr. Faulkner," said his wife. "As to worth,
+I suppose he and Marian's cousin are pretty much on a par, but it is but
+justice to say that he has considerably the advantage in externals."
+
+"It cannot be helped now," said Lord Marchmont; "but I wish I had told
+you before, Selina. The esteem I had for that young man's father would
+make me still more reluctant to cultivate him, considering his present
+way of going on."
+
+"Well, one invitation to dinner is not such a very agricultural
+proceeding, that you need waste such a quantity of virtuous
+indignation," said Selina; "I daresay he will not grow _very_ much the
+faster for it."
+
+The arrival of some of the party put a stop to the conversation, and
+presently Lady Julia Faulkner, Mr. and Miss Faulkner, were announced.
+The first was a fair, smooth, handsome matron, who looked as if she had
+never been preyed upon by either thought or care; her daughter was a
+well-dressed, fashionable young lady; and her son, so gentlemanlike
+and sensible looking, as to justify Lady Marchmont in saying that in
+externals he had the advantage of Elliot Lyddell. Marian sat next him at
+dinner, and though she meant to dislike him, she could not succeed in
+doing so; he talked with so much spirit and cleverness of the various
+exhibitions and other things, which are chiefly useful as food for
+conversation. Something too might be ascribed to the store of happiness
+within her, which would not let her be ungracious or unwilling to let
+herself be entertained, for on the whole, she had never been so well
+amused at a dinner party.
+
+In the drawing-room the examination took place with which she had been
+threatened, but she had grown hardened to such things with time, and
+could endure them much better than she used to do. It was always the
+custom for her to outstay the guests, so as to talk them over with her
+cousins; and, on this occasion the first exclamation was, how very
+agreeable and clever Mr. Faulkner was.
+
+"So much the worse," said Lord Marchmont gravely; "I think worse of him
+than I did before, for I find he has taken up Germanism."
+
+Marian had some notion that Germanism meant that the foundations of his
+faith were unsettled, and she looked extremely horrified, but she had
+not time to dwell on the subject, for the carriage came to the door,
+and she was glad to be alone to hug herself with delight. The gas lamps
+looked as bright to her eyes as if there were an illumination specially
+got up in honour of her happiness, and the drive to Mr. Lyddell's was
+far too short to settle a quarter of what Agnes was to see and do.
+
+It was almost four years since she had parted with her, but the
+correspondence had scarcely slackened, nor the earnestness of her
+affection and confidence diminished. There was no one, excepting Edmund,
+to whom she could look for counsel in the same manner, and the hope of
+long conversations with Mrs. Wortley was almost as delightful as the
+thought of seeing Agnes once more.
+
+She had begged them to call the first thing, and accordingly soon after
+breakfast one fine Tuesday morning, a loud double-knock caused her heart
+to leap into her mouth, or rather her throat, and almost choke her. Mrs.
+Lyddell, Elliot, and Caroline were all present, and she wished them
+forty miles off, when the announcement was the very thing she wished to
+hear!
+
+There they were, Mrs. Wortley giving that fond, motherly kiss, Agnes
+catching both hands, and kissing both cheeks, Mr. Wortley giving one
+hearty squeeze to her hand! There they really were, she was by Mrs.
+Wortley's side, their own familiar tones were in her ears! She hardly
+dared to look up, for fear Agnes should be altered, but no, she could
+not call her altered, though she was more formed, the features were less
+childish, and there was more thought, though not less life and light
+than of old, in the blue eyes. Indeed it came upon Marian by surprise,
+that she had not known before that Agnes was uncommonly pretty as well
+as loveable. She was surprised not to see her friend more shy, but able
+to answer Elliot's civilities with readiness and ease; whereas she who
+still felt stiff and awkward with a stranger, had supposed that such
+must be doubly the case with one who had lived so much less in the
+world.
+
+That day was to be devoted by the Wortleys to visits and business, but
+they reckoned on having Marian to themselves all the next, and were to
+call for her early on their way to some of the sights of London. Mrs.
+Lyddell made them fix an early day for coming to dinner, and they took
+their leave, Marian feeling as if the visit had not been everything that
+she expected, and yet as if it was happiness even to know that the same
+city contained herself and them.
+
+No sooner were they gone than the Lyddells began with one voice to
+admire Agnes, even Elliot was very much struck with her, and positively
+gained himself some degree of credit with Marian, by confirming her
+opinion of her friend's beauty. It was delightful indeed that Agnes
+should be something to be proud of; Marian would not have loved her one
+whit the less if she had been a plain, awkward country girl, but it was
+something to have her affection justified in their eyes, and to have no
+fear of Agnes being celebrated only for her cricket.
+
+They called for Marian early the next morning, and now she received the
+real greeting, corresponding to her parting, as Mrs. Wortley's second
+daughter. Then began the inquiries for everything at Fern Torr, animate
+or inanimate, broken into by Agnes's exclamations of surprise at
+everything new and wonderful in the streets, a happy, but a most
+desultory conversation.
+
+At last they got into a quiet street where Mr. and Mrs. Wortley went to
+choose a carpet, and the two girls were left to sit in the carriage.
+
+"O Marian!" began Agnes, "so you have not quite lost your old self! I
+am glad to see how it all is at least, for I have something tangible to
+pity you for."
+
+"I wonder what it is," said Marian, too happy for pity at that moment.
+
+"O, my dear! that Mr. Elliot Lyddell!"
+
+"He is hardly ever in my way," said Marian.
+
+"And his sister! Her dress! What study it must have taken! In the
+extreme of fashion."
+
+"Caroline's dress is not exactly what she would choose herself," said
+Marian.
+
+"That must be only an excuse, Marian; for though you have a
+well-turned-out look, it is not as if you were in a book of fashions."
+
+"I am not Mrs. Lyddell's daughter, and though I do expect a battle or
+two when I come out, it will not be a matter of obedience with me, as it
+is with Caroline."
+
+"Is it very painful obedience?" said Agnes laughingly; "well, you do
+deserve credit for not being spoilt among such people."
+
+"In the first place, how do you know they are 'such people?' and next,
+how do you know I am not spoilt?"
+
+"You must be the greatest hypocrite in the world, if you are spoilt, to
+write me such letters, and sit so boldly looking me in the face. And as
+to their being 'such people,' have not I seen them, have not I
+heard them, and, above all, has not Mr. Arundel given me their full
+description?"
+
+"But that was three years and a half ago," said Marian.
+
+"And have they changed since then?" asked Agnes.
+
+"I don't know."
+
+"O how glad I am to hear that!" cried Agnes. "Never mind them; but to
+hear you say 'I don't know' in that old considering tone is proof enough
+to me that you are my own old Marian, which is all I care for."
+
+"I don't--" began Marian; then stopping short and laughing, she added,
+"I mean I was thinking whether it is really so. Can any person live four
+years without changing? Especially at our age. What a little girl I was
+then!"
+
+"Yes, to be sure, you have grown into a tall--yes, quite a tall woman,
+and you have got your black hair into a very pretty broad braid, and you
+wear a bracelet and carry a parasol, and don't let your veil stream down
+your back; I don't see much more alteration. Your eyes are as black and
+your face as white, and altogether you are quite as provoking as ever in
+never telling one anything that one wishes to know."
+
+Marian gave a stiff smile, one which she had learnt in company, and
+grew frightened at herself to find that she was treating Agnes, as she
+treated the outer world. She did not know what to say; her love was
+deep, strong and warm within, but it was too soon to "rend the silken
+veil;" and this awkwardness, this consciousness of coldness was positive
+suffering. She was relieved that the return of Mr. and Mrs. Wortley put
+an end to the _tête-à-tête_, then shocked that it should be a relief;
+for, poor girl, her extreme embarrassment overpowering the happiness
+in her friend's presence, made her doubt whether it could be that her
+affection was really departing, a thought too dreadful to be dwelt upon.
+
+Who would have told her that she should endure so much pain in her first
+drive with the Wortleys?
+
+They went to call on Lady Marchmont that day, and, as Marian expected,
+did not find her at home. Agnes renewed the old lamentation that Marian
+could not live with her and thus avoid Mrs. Lyddell's finery and
+fashion. "Now why do you laugh, Marian? you don't mean that Selina
+Grenville can have turned into a fashionable lady? she was the simplest
+creature in the world."
+
+"She is what she was then," said Marian; "but as to being fashionable--.
+My dear Agnes, you don't understand."
+
+"We have not to reproach Marian for want of knowledge of the world now,
+Agnes," said Mr. Wortley, smiling at his daughter's bewildered look.
+
+"Ah!" cried Marian, and there stopped, thinking how grievously she must
+be altered, since this was the reproach that the Lyddells used so often
+to make her. Some wonderful sight here engaged Agnes, and Marian's
+exclamation fell unheeded.
+
+She spent a good many hours with the Wortleys while they were in London,
+but usually in the midst of confusion and bustle: Mr. and Mrs. Wortley
+were busy, and Agnes almost wild with the novelties around. Marian's
+heart ached as she recollected a saying which she had read, that a
+thread once broken can never be united again. Her greatest comfort was
+in the prospect of a visit to Fern Torr; for Mrs. Lyddell willingly
+consented to her accepting Mrs. Wortley's invitation to return with
+them, and to stay even to the end of her brother's holidays, which he
+was also to spend at _home_. She should know better there whether she
+was really changed; she could take it all up again there, and now she
+could afford to wait, and not feel the necessity of saying everything
+that would not be said in so short a time.
+
+One thing was certain, she did not like to hear Agnes talk against the
+Lyddells. She could have done it herself; nay, she did so sometimes when
+with Lady Marchmont, but then that was only about "nonsense." She had
+lived with them too long, had shared in too many of their conversations
+and employments, was, in fact, too much one of the family, to like to
+hear them condemned. She thought it very strange, and she could not tell
+whether it was from having grown like them, or from a genuine dislike to
+injustice; at any rate it was this which convinced her that she had come
+to regard them in some degree as friends.
+
+She wished them to appear to as much advantage as possible, but this
+they really seemed resolved not to do, at least not what was in her eyes
+and those of the Wortleys, to advantage. Mrs. Lyddell _would_ have
+a grand dinner party to do honour to her friends, and the choice of
+company was not what she would have made. To make it worse, Elliot
+sat next Agnes, Walter was not at home, and the conversation was upon
+religious subjects, which had better not have been discussed at all in
+such a party, and which were viewed by most present, in the wrong way.
+All this, however, Marian could have endured, for she did not care
+to defend Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell or Elliot, individually, only when
+considered as forming part of "the Lyddells," but she really wished
+Agnes to like Caroline and Clara.
+
+She did not know whether Agnes was not perverse about Caroline, whom she
+continued to call a mere fashionable young lady, not being able to find
+any other reproach than this vague one; but as to Clara, Marian herself
+could have found it in her heart to beat her when she made sillier
+speeches than usual in Agnes' hearing, and, above all, for having at
+this time a violent fit of her affection for Marian herself, whom she
+perseveringly called a dear girl, and followed about so closely as to be
+always in the way.
+
+Marian would have been still more provoked with Clara, had Agnes not had
+forbearance enough to abstain from telling her all that Clara had said,
+when once, by some chance, left alone with her for ten minutes. After a
+great deal about her extreme friendship for "dearest Marian," she said,
+"Some people think her pretty,--do you, Miss Wortley?"
+
+"Not exactly pretty," said Agnes, "but hers is a fine face."
+
+"Ah! she has not colour enough to be pretty. She is much too pale, poor
+dear, but some people say that is aristocratic. And she is like her
+cousin, Lady Marchmont, the beauty. Do you know Lady Marchmont?"
+
+"I used to know her as a girl."
+
+"Ah! she is very handsome, and so much the fashion. It is such an
+advantage for Marian to be there, and I hope she will slyly bring us
+acquainted some of these days. But then all the Arundels are proud;
+Marian has a good deal of pride in her own way, though she is a dear
+girl!"
+
+"Marian!" exclaimed Agnes.
+
+"O yes! She is a dear girl, but every one in Wiltshire speaks of her
+pride; all our friends do, I assure you. I always defend her, of course,
+but every one remarks it."
+
+Agnes was wondering whether simply to disbelieve anything so
+preposterous as that all Wiltshire should be remarking on poor Marian's
+pride, or whether to explain it by her well-known shyness, when Clara
+made another sudden transition. "Do you know Mr. Arundel?"
+
+"O yes."
+
+"Is not he a fine, distinguished looking man? We did admire him so when
+he was here. I assure you we are all quite jealous of Marian. Miss
+Morley says there can be but one _dénouement_."
+
+Here Marian came into the room, and Agnes proceeded to question within
+herself which was most wonderful,--the extreme folly of Clara, or of the
+governess.
+
+Another vexation to Marian was the behaviour of Lady Marchmont. She
+herself was invited as often as usual to come to her cousin, but she
+could not spare a minute from her dear friends, and only was surprised
+and vexed that they were not included, and that Selina had not yet
+called upon them. She knew that one of her parties consisted of persons
+whom Mr. Wortley would have been particularly glad to meet, and she
+watched most anxiously for a card for him; she even went so far, as in
+her own note of refusal to give a very far distant hint, thinking that
+Selina only required to be put in mind of his being in London.
+
+At last, only two days before they left town, Lady Marchmont left her
+card for Mrs. Wortley, but without asking if she was at home; and
+Marian, who was in the house at the time, felt the neglect most acutely.
+Mrs. Wortley saw the bright glow of red spread all over the pale check,
+and was heartily sorry on her account. Agnes broke out into exclamations
+that there must be a mistake,--the servants must have misunderstood,
+and she would have asked questions; but Marian said, in a voice of deep
+feeling, "No, Agnes, it is no mistake. You understand me now when I say
+Selina Marchmont is more of a fine lady than Mrs. Lyddell. But O, I
+never thought she would have neglected you!"
+
+"Say no more, my dear," said Mrs. Wortley; "Lady Marchmont must have too
+many engagements to attend to us dull country folks. Indeed, it gives me
+no pain, my dear, except to see it grieve you. You know she has done her
+duty by us."
+
+"Her duty by herself, she may think," said Marian, "in not doing what
+would be called rude, but not her duty by you; you, to whom all who
+ever--who ever loved _them_, owe so much."
+
+The tears glittered in Marian's eyes, and her cheek was flushed.
+
+"Marian, my dear, cool down a little," said Mrs. Wortley; "think how
+long it is since Lady Marchmont knew us, and recollect that the--the
+causes, which you think you have for caring for us, may not appear the
+same to her. She only thinks of us as dimly remembered neighbours of
+her cousin's, coming to London for a little while; she is full of
+engagements, and has no time for us, and just follows the fashions of
+other people."
+
+"That is it," said Marian. "How shall I ever wish her good-bye in
+charity?"
+
+They were interrupted; and it was not till Marian was gone that Agnes
+had the satisfaction of a full outbreak of indignation at all fine
+ladies, and of triumph in the impossibility of their ever spoiling her
+own dear Marian.
+
+Marian had to spend the evening with the Marchmonts, and she was more
+constrained with them at first than she had ever been before. Yet it
+was not easy to continue constrained with Selina, who was perfectly
+unconscious that she had given any offence; and the feeling was quite
+removed by half an hour's play with little Willy, who was now promoted
+to be a drawing-room child for various short intervals of the day. He
+was under a nursery governess, who let his mamma have a little more
+property in him.
+
+Selina asked about the intended journey, and thus renewed Marian's
+feeling of the wrongs of the Wortleys; but when Selina scolded her for
+not coming oftener, supposed she had been very happy, and envied her for
+going to dear old Fern Torr, Marian began to forgive, and did so quite
+when she wished she could have seen them, and lamented that she had been
+so much engaged. Three times she had gone out, fully meaning to call on
+them, and have a good long chat, but each time something delayed her;
+and the last, and fourth, she really was obliged to be at home early,
+and could not possibly make a call.
+
+The charm of manner made all this appease Marian; but when the immediate
+spell of Selina's grace and caressing ways was removed, she valued it
+rightly, and thought, though with pain, of the expressive epithet,
+"fudge!" Could not Selina have gone to her aunt's old friends if she
+would? Had not Marian known her to take five times the trouble for her
+own gratification? Marian gained a first glimpse of the selfishness of
+refined exclusiveness, and doubted whether it had not been getting a
+hold of herself, when she had learnt of Selina to despise and neglect
+all that was unpleasing.
+
+O the joy of knowing that she should turn her back on the great wicked
+world again, and measure herself by the old standard of home! And yet
+she trembled, lest she should find that the world had touched her more
+than she had thought.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+  "Yes, friends may be kind, and vales may be green,
+  And brooks, may sparkle along between;
+  But it is not friendship's kindest look,
+  Nor loveliest vale, nor clearest brook,
+  That can tell the tale which is written for me
+  On each old face and well known tree."
+
+  R. H. FROUDE.
+
+
+It was a happy day for both Agnes Wortley and Marian Arundel when they
+again entered Devonshire. Agnes seemed to feel her four weeks as serious
+an absence as Marian did her four years, and was even more rapturous in
+her exclamations at each object that showed her she was near home.
+
+They walked up the last and steepest hill, or rather bounded along the
+well known side path, catching at the long trailing wreaths of the
+dogrose, peeping over the gates which broke the high hedge, where
+Marian, as she saw the moors, could only relieve her heart by
+pronouncing to herself those words of Manzoni's Lucia, "_Vedo i miei
+monti._" ("I see my own mountains.") She beheld the woods and the
+chimneys of the Manor House, but she shrank from looking at it, and
+gazed, as if she feared it was but a moment's vision, at the rough
+cottages, the smoke curling among the trees, the red limestone quarry,
+and the hills far away in the summer garb of golden furze. It was home,
+her heart was full, and Agnes respected her silence.
+
+Down the hill, along the well-known paling, past the cottages, the dear
+old faces smiling welcome; the Church, always the same, the green rail
+of the Vicarage garden, the paint was the only thing new; the porch,
+with roses hanging thicker over it than ever; Ranger, David Chapple,
+Jane, the housemaid, all in ecstasy in their different ways.
+
+That first evening was spent in visiting every nook of the garden with
+Agnes, and hearing the history of each little innovation; then, after a
+slight interval of sleepiness, came those fond, cordial "good nights,"
+which dwell no where but at home.
+
+She woke to the reality of a Fern Torr Sunday, not to shake off with
+disappointment and wearinesss, the dream of such a day. There was the
+pinkthorne, dressed in all its garlands, before her window, the dew
+lying heavy and silvery on the grass; the cart-horses enjoying their
+holiday in the meadow, the mass of blossom in the orchard, the sky
+above, all blueness, the air full of a delicious quietness, as if the
+sunshine itself was repose, Marian leant out at her window, and wondered
+if it was possible she should have been so long away, so familiar, so
+natural did it all seem.
+
+The hurried breakfast, the walk to school, the school itself, how well
+she knew it all, and within the school how old a world it was, and yet
+how new! The benches, the books, the smiles, the curtsies, the very
+nosegays, redolent of southernwood, were unchanged, but all the great
+good girls of her day, the prime first class, where was it? Here was the
+first class still, Agnes' pride; but, behold, these are the little ones
+of her day, and the babies for whom she had made pink frocks and frilled
+caps, now stared up in her face responsible beings, who could say more
+than half the Catechism. Her own little pets of school-days were grown
+out of knowledge into the uninteresting time of life, the "old age
+of childhood," and looked as if they found it equally difficult to
+recognize "little Miss" in a lady taller than Miss Wortley. Next
+followed the walk to Church, full of meetings and greetings, admiration
+of her growth, and inquiries after Sir Gerald.
+
+Yes, Marian did feel like the old self: her four years' absence was like
+a dream that had passed away, and was nothing to her; she could think
+only of home, home thoughts and home interests; the cares and the
+teasings, the amusements and the turmoils of Oakworthy and London, were
+as things far distant, which had never really concerned her, or
+belonged to some different state of existence. She was at home, as she
+continually said to herself; she felt as if she was in some way more in
+the presence of her parents, as if their influence was sheltering her,
+and shielding her from all external ill, as in the days of yore. Happy
+they who can return after four years' trial as Marian did.
+
+She was preparing for Confirmation; for, to her great joy, she was in
+time to form one of Mr. Wortley's own flock, He gave her half an hour
+every other morning; and now it was that all the difficulties raised
+in her mind in arguments with Caroline, doubts with right or wrong, or
+questions why and wherefore, were either solved or smoothed down. Her
+principles were strengthened, her views were cleared up; she learnt the
+reasons of rules she had obeyed in ignorance, and perceived her own
+failures and their causes.
+
+These were her graver hours. At other times she read, drew, and studied
+German with Agnes, who gladly availed herself of the aid of one well
+crammed by London masters, and who could not but allow, even to the
+credit of her enemies, that they had made Marian very accomplished.
+
+There were long walks to every well-remembered hill and dell, with
+further expeditions planned against the return of the boys, and numerous
+visits to old friends at the cottages to present Marian's gifts, which
+had fairly overpowered Saunders' powers of packing. Delightful walks,
+how different from the parade on the chalk roads, over high hedges,
+through gaps doubly fenced with thorns, scrambling, at the risk of
+neck us well as of dress, over piles of fern and ivy-covered rocks, or
+hopping across brooks on extemporised stepping-stones, usually in the
+very thick of some _mauvais pas_, discussing some tremendous point of
+metaphysics or languages and breaking off in it to scream at the beauty
+of the view, or to pity a rent muslin.
+
+Marian and Agnes talked considerably now, and, allowing for the
+difference in age, just as they used to do. Marian's fears of her own
+coldness and doubts of her confidence in Agnes had all melted in her
+native atmosphere, and were quite forgotten. She could speak of the
+Lyddells now, though still she did not find fault with them, nor make
+complaints; indeed, it was Agnes' abuse of them that made her first
+discover that she had a regard for them.
+
+This prejudice, as she began to call it, seemed to her unaccountable,
+since she had never written complainingly, until she found at last,
+(which made her inclined to treat it with more respect,) that it
+was founded on what Edmund had reported. He had come to Fern Torr
+immediately after his visit to Oakworthy, very much out of spirits, and
+had poured out his anxieties to his friends, talking of Mr. and Mrs.
+Lyddell with less caution than he had used with Marian, and lamenting
+over the fate of his poor little cousins like something hopeless. Marian
+thought of Gerald, and her heart failed her, then she hoped again, for
+Gerald was coming home, and then she understood what Edmund had thought
+of it all, and knew that it was perfectly consistent with his last
+conversation with her. So she said that was four years ago, and that
+Edmund was very kind.
+
+
+The time of Gerald's arrival came. Charles and James Wortley preceded
+him by about a fortnight, and all that Marian saw of them made her
+rejoice in such companionship for him. Mr. Wortley drove her to meet him
+at Exeter, and never was greeting more joyful. Lionel had sent her a
+message that Oakworthy would be as dull as ditch water without her,
+and if she did not come back before the end of the holidays, he should
+certainly be obliged to go back to Eton again to find something to do.
+Having delivered this message, Gerald made both his companions laugh by
+gazing about as if surprised to find Exeter still in the same place, and
+wondering at reading all the old names over the shops.
+
+Marian was delighted that he recognised all the torrs on the drive home,
+and very proud of his height, his beauty, and his cordial, well-bred
+gentlemanlike manners, which gave the Wortleys general satisfaction.
+
+The first thing he did was to go out and visit his old pony in the
+paddock, patting it very affectionately, though he seemed much surprised
+that it was so small.
+
+In the evening they went to the Manor House. Marian had spent many hours
+there, sat in the empty rooms, wandered in the garden, and mused on past
+days, or dwelt on them with Agnes, and she had looked forward with great
+pleasure to having her brother there.
+
+She wished to have had him alone, but he asked Agnes and the boys to
+come, and they all set out together up the rocky steps, Gerald far
+before the rest, and when Marian came up to him he was standing on the
+lawn, at the top of the steps, looking at the house.
+
+"I thought it was larger," exclaimed he.
+
+"But, Gerald, see how high the magnolia has grown, and how nice and
+smooth old Lapthorn keeps the lawn. Does it not look as if we had gone
+away only yesterday?"
+
+"Yes, and there is the little larburnum that we planted. How it is
+grown! But how very small the house is."
+
+By this time the door had been opened by the old housekeeper, and
+Marian, running up to her, exclaimed, "Here he is, Mrs. White! Come,
+come, Gerald, come and speak to Mrs. White!"
+
+Gerald came, but with no readiness of manner. His "how d'ye do?" was
+shy and cold, and not at all answerable to her eager, almost tearful,
+"Pretty well, thank you, Sir. It is something to see you at home again,
+Sir Gerald; so tall, and looking so well. 'Tis almost old times again,
+to see you and Miss Marian."
+
+He stood silent, and Agnes spoke, "Yes, Mrs. White, is not he grown? It
+does not seem to be so very long before we shall really have them here
+for good."
+
+"Ah! Miss Wortley, that is what I have always wished to live for; I have
+always said, let me only live to see Sir Gerald come back, and find
+things in order as he left them, and then I would die contented."
+
+"No, no, live to keep his house many more years," said Marian. "It is
+four years less now you know, Mrs. White; only eight more before we
+shall be able to live here. For, I suppose you would like to have me
+back too."
+
+"I don't know Miss Marian; you will he married long before that, such a
+fine young lady as you are grown to be."
+
+Marian laughed and passed on into the house, sorry that Gerald had taken
+no part in the conversation. They went into the drawing-room, that room
+where he had wept so bitterly the day before his departure. Again his
+observation was, "I thought this room was twice the size. And so low!"
+
+"You have been looking in at the large end of a telescope lately,
+Gerald," said his sister with some sorrow in her tone, as she sat down
+on one of the brown holland muffled sofas, and looked up at her father's
+portrait, trying to find a likeness there to the face before her. There
+was the same high brow, the same dark eyes, the same straight features,
+the same bright open smile. Gerald was more like it, in some respects,
+than he had been, but there was a haughty, impetuous expression now
+and then on eye, brow, and lip, that found no parallel in the gentle
+countenance which, to Marian's present feelings, seemed to be turned
+towards him with an air of almost reproachful anxiety.
+
+Perhaps he saw some of the sadness of her expression, and; always
+affectionate, wished to please her by manifesting a little more of the
+feelings which really still existed. He came and stood by her, and
+whispered a few caressing words, which almost compensated for the
+vexation his carelessness had occasioned. He looked earnestly at the
+picture for a few moments, then, turning away, suddenly exclaimed, "I
+should like to see the old dressing-room."
+
+This was Lady Arundel's morning room, where many a lesson had been
+repeated, many a game played, and where, perhaps, more childish
+recollections centered than in any other part of the house. The brother
+and sister went thither alone, and much enjoyed looking into every
+well-known corner, and talking of the little events which had there
+taken place. This lasted for nearly a quarter of an hour, when they
+rejoined their companions to make the tour of the garden, &c. All was
+pleasant here, Gerald recollected every nook, and was delighted to find
+so much unchanged.
+
+"Let us just look into the stable yard," said he, as they were coming
+away. It was locked, but a message to Mrs. White procured the key, and
+they entered the neat deserted court, without one straw to make it look
+inhabited, though the hutch where the rabbits had lived was still in its
+place; and even in one corner the reversed flower-pot, which Gerald
+well remembered to have brought there to mount upon, in order to make
+investigations into a blackbird's nest, in the ivy on the wall.
+
+He now used the same flower-pot to enable him to peep in at the hazy
+window of the stable, and still more lamentable was his exclamation,
+"Can this be all! How very small!"
+
+"Nothing but low and little, you discontented boy," said Agnes.
+
+"Why, really, I could not believe it was on such a small scale," said
+Gerald. "Marian, now is it possible there can be only six stalls here?"
+
+"Why, what would have been the use of more?" said Marian.
+
+"Ah! why to be sure, there was no one to ride much," said Gerald. "But
+yet I can hardly imagine it! What could my father have done in his
+younger days? Only six stalls! And no loose box. Well, people had
+contracted notions in those days! And the yard so small! Why, the one at
+Oakworthy would make four of it."
+
+"And you had really managed to persuade yourself that this was a grander
+place than Oakworthy?" said Marian.
+
+Gerald made no answer; but after walking backwards till he had a
+full view of the stable and surrounding regions, broke out into the
+exclamation, "I see what is to be done! Take down that wall--let in
+a piece of the kitchen garden--get it levelled--and then extend it a
+little on the right side too. Yes, I see."
+
+"You are not talking of spoiling this place!" cried Agnes, in dismay.
+
+"Spoiling! only making it habitable," said Gerald. "How can a man live
+here with a stable with six stalls, and nothing like a kennel?"
+
+The utter impossibility of such an existence was so strongly impressed
+on the mind of the young baronet, that as soon as tea was over he
+commenced a sketch of his future stables, adding various explanations
+for the benefit of Charles and James. There was almost a daily quarrel
+on the subject with Agnes, and much laughing on each side; but Marian,
+afraid of making him more determined, took no part in it.
+
+Much might happen in eight years to make him change his mind, and this
+stable in the clouds might be endured, if everything else had been fully
+satisfactory.
+
+Very happy were the boys next morning, setting off to the woods to study
+the localities of the game; very happy were they fishing and rabbit
+shooting; very happy, galloping over the country by turns on the two
+ponies; very happy were the whole party in pic-nic expeditions, and in
+merry evening sports; but these could not take up every hour and every
+minute; and Marian could not help observing, that while Charles and
+James could always find some work on which to be employed in the
+intervals, Gerald was idle and listless. There were hours in the morning
+when they had their Latin and Greek to study, while Gerald was usually
+loitering in the drawing-room. That he should voluntarily touch Latin
+or Greek in the holidays was perhaps more than mortal could expect;
+but that he should not read anything was disappointing. The vicarage
+afforded no periodical novels, no slang tales of low life, no manuals
+of sporting. The Waverley novels he had read long ago, and nothing of
+a more solid description would he touch; so his mornings were chiefly
+spent in drawing caricatures, and chattering to his sister and Agnes. He
+was indeed very amusing, but this was not all that could be desired. Now
+and then there were stories of feats which did not seem likely to be
+those of the best and wisest set of boys; and his idea of the life of
+a boy, if not of man, was plainly that it was to be spent in taking
+pleasure and shirking work. Then he took in a sporting paper, and used
+to entertain them with comments on the particulars of the races, and of
+bets, which no one in the house understood but himself; but these were
+never in the presence of either Mr. or Mrs. Wortley, where he was on his
+guard.
+
+In these intervals of idleness, Marian tried to persuade him several
+times to write to Edmund, who would be glad to have a report fresh from
+home. He always said he would soon set about a letter, but the time
+never came, though she more than once arranged pen, paper, and ink in
+readiness for him. He had recently received a letter from his cousin,
+but he had torn it up, and could not remember anything about the
+contents.
+
+Something between bashfulness and pride produced conduct which could
+not but appear like arrant haughtiness to the villagers, who had looked
+forward eagerly to seeing their young landlord. If Marian tried to
+bring him to speak to some poor old man, his answer was, "Give him this
+half-crown, then, that will do just as well!" and he walked off out
+of reach, while she remained to present the gift, and hear in answer,
+"Thank you kindly, Miss; I should like to see the young gentleman
+himself, but I daresay he does not like poor people."
+
+If this was the feeling where there was half-a-crown to sweeten the
+neglect, what was it where such a propitiatory offering was out of the
+question, and where the original connection had been closer, among the
+old servants, the dependants and tenants? His lofty acknowledgment
+of their bows,--his short, reluctant "Good morning," when forced to
+speak,--and his willingness to escape from their presence, contrasted
+ill with the cordial greetings with which his cousin Edmund had always
+hailed each Fern Torr person as a friend. Indeed, "that nice young
+gentleman, Master Edmund," began to be recollected with regrets, which,
+had the Manor been a kingdom, might have amounted to treason towards the
+young heir.
+
+Marian grieved at this behaviour, and would have attempted to argue
+him out of it, but he gave her scarcely any opportunity of a serious
+conversation; and Mr. Wortley gave him more than one hint, which, though
+be took it with perfect courtesy, never mended matters. Yet with all
+this, he was so agreeable, so good-natured and gentlemanlike, so
+pleasant a guest, and so affectionate a brother, that Mr. and Mrs.
+Wortley could not help liking him very much; and if they saw anything
+amiss, they did not pain his sister by speaking of it. Her misgivings
+were too vague and undetermined for her to be willing to consult
+Mr. Wortley; if she thought at one time that she would, she grew so
+frightened and reluctant whenever an occasion came, that she let it pass
+by; and she was divided between blame to herself for doing nothing, when
+a few words might be the rescue of her brother, and self-reproach for
+doing him cruel injustice.
+
+Nay, she even defended him more than once, when Agnes was shocked. She
+protected a shirt, illustrated by his own hand, in marking-ink, with
+cricketers, which caused infinite scandal to the washerwomen of Fern
+Torr. She defended slang words, which Agnes, from not understanding
+them, fancied worse than they really were; and she never failed to say
+he did not mean to be unkind, whenever he was neglectful of the poor
+people. She was displeased with herself afterwards for speaking in
+favour of these things, for she well knew them to be only parts of the
+whole system which grieved her; but still she could not help it.
+
+These thoughts were suspended by the solemn time approaching. Her
+confirmation-day came, and she stood among the maidens of her own home
+and village, who had been baptized in the same font, and shared with her
+the same instructions. Simultaneously with them she pronounced her vow;
+and perhaps it was a repining thought which crossed her mind,--"Why am
+I not like these, to remain in this peaceful nest, not sent forth to
+be wearied and tried by that glittering world of unrest, which I thus
+renounce?"
+
+She knelt to receive the blessing, which brought with it the trust that
+the peace of that moment might dwell with her, refresh her, and shield
+her "as oft as sin and sorrow tire." And when her eye fell on her
+brother, it was with more hope, for now she could better pray for him.
+Whatever might happen, it could never hurt the memory of that awful
+yet soothing hour, nor of that first Communion when she knelt near her
+parents' graves between Mrs. Wortley and Agnes; the whole air filled
+with the prayers of those on earth and in heaven who loved her best; nor
+of her walk in the garden afterwards with Mr. Wortley, when he plainly
+spoke to her of her life as one of peculiar trial and temptation, and
+warned her how to be in the world, and yet not of the world.
+
+The nest event of the visit to Fern Torr was Saunders' wedding. Saunders
+did not love Oakworthy, still less Mrs. Lyddell, and least of all Mrs.
+Price, the ladies' maid; and when she found herself at Fern Torr again,
+and heard Mr. David Chapple renew his tender speeches, the return
+thither became more and more difficult; and one day, while plaiting her
+young lady's hair, she communicated to her with a great gush of tears,
+that, though she could not bear to think of leaving her, and would not
+on any account cause her any inconvenience, she began to think it was
+time to think about her marriage.
+
+It was a stroke to Marian to hear of losing any old familiar face, and
+her look of dismay was a great satisfaction to Saunders; but she could
+bear it better than she could once have done, and there were reasons
+which made a change not so very much to be regretted even by her.
+The quarrels between Saunders and the rest of the household were not
+agreeable, and what she now felt to be a serious evil, was that habit of
+complaining to her, and telling her stories against the family, of which
+Edmund had warned her long ago. She had tried to discourage it, but,
+once begun, it had never been entirely discontinued; and Marian felt it
+to be wrong in every way.
+
+She made up her mind, therefore, with greater philosophy than could have
+been expected, to the loss of Saunders; and was further consoled by
+finding it gave hey an opportunity of promoting a nice young Fern Torr
+damsel, too delicate for hard work, who had been taught dressmaking, and
+whom Saunders undertook to instruct in the mysteries of the hair, quite
+sufficiently to carry her on till they went to London, and she could
+take lessons from some grand frizeur.
+
+Mrs. Lyndell was written to, and gave her consent to the hiring of
+Fanny, and Marian and Agnes were so delighted at the opening thus made
+for her, that Saunders would have been jealous if she had not been too
+happily engaged in her own preparations.
+
+As to Gerald he made a dreadful face when he first heard of Saunders'
+intentions; but as her going made no difference to his comfort, he soon
+became resigned. David was an old acquaintance, whom he liked because
+he belonged to the genus groom; so he made no objection to his sister's
+attending the wedding. He presented the bride with a tea-set, splendid
+with gilding, and surprised every one by walking into Mr. Wortley's
+kitchen in the midst of the bridal entertainment, and proposing the
+health of the happy pair.
+
+Marian was to return under Gerald's escort, at the end of the holidays.
+He was to go on to Eton, leaving her at the railway station, where she
+was to be met by the Lyddells' carriage. The last letter arrived,
+in which arrangements respecting time and train were to be finally
+confirmed. It was, as usual, from Caroline; and as she opened it, Marian
+gave a sudden start.
+
+"Eh?" said Gerald, "whose mare's dead? Not Elliot's Queen Pomare, I
+hope!"
+
+"No, but Miss Morley is going."
+
+"O!" cried Gerald, "I hope she has been reading some more letters."
+
+"Not quite," said Marian smiling.
+
+"Well, but is it directly? I suppose you did not think she was to stay
+there for life? Has she been in any mischief, that you look so shocked?"
+
+Marian really could not help discovering that she was not without
+tenderness of feeling for Miss Morley, and did not like to proclaim, in
+Caroline's strong and rather satirical language, across the breakfast
+table, that Mrs. Lyddell had discovered by accident that she and her
+pupil were in the habit of amusing themselves with novels which were
+far better unread. After reading quickly to the end of the letter, she
+answered, "O, she has been reading books with Clara that Mrs. Lyddell
+did not approve."
+
+"A triumph! a triumph!" cried Agnes. "Now Marian will never attempt to
+defend Miss Morley again."
+
+"What, not the poor unfortunate faithful? How can you think me so base?"
+returned Marian. "Besides, poor thing, she really is very kind-hearted,
+and has very little harm in her. I dare say it was more Clara's fault
+than hers,"
+
+"Well done, Marian, striking right and left!" observed James Wortley.
+
+"How long has Miss Morley been at Oakworthy?" asked Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"She came about a year before we did," replied Marian.
+
+"Her predecessor, Miss Cameron, must have been a very different person;
+Caroline and Walter always speak of her with such respect."
+
+"Poor unfortunate!" broke out Gerald. "Well, if it had not been for
+Marian's letters, I should not have hated her so much. When one was
+making a row, she never did anything worse than say, 'Now Sir Gerald!'"
+which he gave with her peculiarly unauthoritative, piteous, imploring
+drawl.
+
+"There was something in that title of 'poor unfortunate,' peculiarly
+appropriate," said Marian, laughing, "as I am afraid that it is now,
+poor thing. She is to leave Oakworthy immediately, and I do not know
+that she has any relation but an old aunt."
+
+Mr. and Mrs. Wortley agreed with Marian that it was a melancholy case,
+but the others were too triumphant to be compassionate; and Gerald
+amused Agnes half the morning with ludicrous stories of her
+inefficiency.
+
+Marian was thoughtful all day; and at last, when sitting alone with Mrs.
+Wortley and Agnes, exclaimed, "Poor Miss Morley! I really am very sorry
+for her; I did not know I liked her so well."
+
+"Absence is the great charm with Marian," said Agnes, laughing; "we
+learn now what makes her so affectionate to us."
+
+"No, but really, Agnes, when one has been living in constant intercourse
+for four years, and often receiving kindness from a person, is it
+possible to hear of her being sent away in disgrace and poverty without
+caring about it?"
+
+"O yes; I know; after having lived in the same house with a kitchen
+poker for four years, you get so attached to it that it gives you a pang
+to part with it. No, but the comparison is no compliment to the poker;
+that is firm enough, at any rate,--a down cushion would be better."
+
+"An attachment to a down cushion is nothing to be ashamed of, Agnes,"
+said her mother.
+
+"And Miss Morley did deserve some attachment, indeed," said Marian. "She
+was so ready to oblige, and she really did many and many a kind thing by
+the servants; and I believe she quite denied herself, for the sake of
+her old aunt. She was not fit for a governess, to be sure; but that was
+more her misfortune than her fault, poor thing."
+
+"How do you make that out?" said Agnes.
+
+"Why, she was obliged to got her own living; and what other way had
+she? She was educated for it, and had everything but the art of gaining
+authority."
+
+"And high principle," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"But," said Marian, growing eager in her defence, "she really did know
+right from wrong. She would remonstrate, and tell us things that were
+every word good and true, only she did it with so little force, that
+they were apt not to mind her; and then it was no wonder that she grew
+dispirited, and sunk into poor unfortunate."
+
+"Yes," said Agnes, "I can understand it all; she was in a situation that
+she was not fit for, and failed."
+
+"She would have been very different in another situation, most
+probably," said Mrs. Wortley, "where she and the children were not so
+much left to each other's mercy."
+
+"Yes; Mrs. Lyddell never mended matters," said Marian. "She did not back
+up or strengthen her, but only frightened her, till she was quite as
+ready to conceal what was amiss as her pupils. And that intimacy with
+Clara was a very unlucky thing; it drew her down without drawing Clara
+up."
+
+"I suppose that was the origin of the catastrophe," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"I should think so; they have been more alone together lately, for I am
+sure this could never have happened when Caroline was in the schoolroom.
+And her making a friend of Clara was no wonder, so forlorn and solitary
+as she must have been." And Marian sighed with fellow-feeling for her.
+
+"An intimate, not a friend," said Mrs. Wortley.
+
+"And I could better fancy making a friend of Miss Lyddell," said Agnes.
+"I can't say my tête-à-tête with Miss Clara made me desire much more of
+her confidence."
+
+"Clara is more caressing," said Marian. "I think I am most fond of her,
+though Caroline is--O! quite another thing. But what I wanted was to ask
+you, Mrs. Wortley, if you thought I might write to poor Miss Morley, and
+ask if there is anything I can do for her. I can't bear to think of her
+going away without wishing her good-bye, or showing any feeling for her
+in her distress."
+
+"How very right and kind of you, Marian," exclaimed Agnes, "after all
+her injustice--"
+
+"I do not think it would be advisable, my dear," said Mrs. Wortley; "it
+would seem like putting yourself in opposition to Mrs. Lyddell, and
+might be pledging yourself, in a manner, to recommend her, which, with
+your opinion of her, you could not well do."
+
+"O, no, no, except in some particular case. Yes, I suppose you are
+right; but I don't feel happy to take no notice."
+
+"Perhaps something may occur on your return, when you understand the
+matter more fully; or, at any rate, if you are writing to Oakworthy, you
+might send some message of farewell, kind remembrances, or love."
+
+"Those are so unmeaning and conventional that I hate them," said Marian.
+
+"Yes, but their want of meaning is their advantage here. They are merely
+kindly expressions of good will."
+
+"And they will mean more from you," added Agnes, "as you never have the
+civility to use them on ordinary occasions."
+
+"Well, I will take your advice," said Marian, "and thank you, Mrs.
+Wortley; I only wish--"
+
+The wish ended in a sigh, as Marian sat down to commence--"My dear
+Caroline."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+  "But we are women when boys are but boys;
+  Heav'n gives us grace to ripen and grow wise,
+  Some six years earlier. I thank heav'n for it:
+  We grow upon the sunny side of the wall."
+
+  TAYLOR.
+
+
+It certainly was quite involuntary on Agnes Wortley's part, but when
+the time came for returning to Oakworthy, Marian was conscious of more
+kindly and affectionate feelings towards it and its inhabitants than she
+had ever expected to entertain for them. She did not love Fern Torr or
+the Wortleys less; she had resumed her confidence and sympathy with
+Agnes, and felt the value of Mrs. Wortley more than ever; and it quite
+made her heart ache to think how long it would be before she saw another
+purple hill or dancing streamlet, and that she should not be there to
+see her dear old myrtle's full pride of blossom. But, on the other hand,
+her room at Oakworthy, with its treasures, was a sort of home; and she
+looked forward to it gladly, when once she was out of sight of the
+moors.
+
+The train had stopped and gone on again from the last station before
+that where they were to leave it for Oakworthy, when Gerald, coming
+across to the seat by her side, said, "Marian, I say, can you lend me a
+couple of pounds?"
+
+"Why, Gerald, what can you want with them?"
+
+"Never mind; only be a good girl, and let me have them."
+
+"You had plenty of money when you came to Fern Torr. How could you have
+got rid of it all?"
+
+"Come, come, Marian, don't be tiresome. Haven't I had to give to all the
+old women in the place?"
+
+"But do you really mean that you have no money?"
+
+"O yes, I have some, but not what I want. Come, I know you keep
+California in your pocket. What harm can it do you?"
+
+After all Marian's presents at Fern Torr, it was not quite as
+convenient, as Gerald fancied, to part with two pounds; but that was not
+the best motive to put forward, nor was it her reason for hesitating.
+
+"I don't know whether it is right; that is the thing, Gerald."
+
+"Right! why where is the right or wrong in it?"
+
+"I am afraid it may do you harm," said she, in a trembling, doubtful
+voice.
+
+"Stuff! I'll take care of that!"
+
+"If you would only tell me what you want it for?"
+
+"I tell you, Marian, I can't do without it; I don't know what I shall
+do, if you won't give it to me."
+
+"Debts! O Gerald, you have not got into debt?"
+
+"Well, and what do you look so scared about? Do you think they will kill
+me?"
+
+"O, Gerald, Gerald, this proves it all."
+
+"It? what?" said Gerald. "Come, don't be so like a girl! I have not been
+doing any thing wrong, I tell you, and it is all your fault if I can't
+get clear."
+
+"With such an allowance as you have, O Gerald, how could you? And how
+could you throw about money at home, when you knew you were in debt?"
+
+"You talk as if I had been ruining my wife and ten small children,"
+cried Gerald, impatiently. "A fine fuss about making a few pounds stand
+over till next half. But you women go headlong at it, never see the
+rights of a thing. So, you won't? Well, it is your doing now!"
+
+"I can't see any end to it," said Marian, reflectingly. "If I thought
+you would make a resolution--but you will be without money at all, and
+how are you to get through this half? O, Gerald! better write to Mr.
+Lyddell at once, and he will set you straight, and you can begin fresh."
+
+Gerald made a face of utter contempt. The steam whistle was heard; they
+were stopping. "There is an end of it, then" said he, angrily. "I did
+not think you had been so ill-natured; it is all your fault, I tell you.
+I thought you cared for me."
+
+This was dreadful; Marian's purse was in her hand, and she began "O
+Gerald dear, anything but that!"--when they found themselves close in
+front of the station, and Lionel pulling at the door of their carriage,
+and calling fiercely to the porter to unlock them.
+
+Caroline was standing on the platform, and there was a tumult of
+greetings and inquiries for luggage to be taken out and put in. Gerald
+ran to see that his goods were separated from his sister's; Lionel shook
+hands with Marian, and scolded her for staying away all the holidays;
+roared to the porter that his portmanteau was for Slough, then turned
+again to say, "You've heard of poor unfortunate, Marian?"
+
+The bell rang; Gerald ran back; Marian knew she was weak, but could
+not help it,--she squeezed the two sovereigns into his hand, and was
+comforted for the moment by his affectionate farewell. Lionel and he
+threw themselves into their carriage, and were whisked off.
+
+"There!" said Caroline. "Now come along. O, I am so glad you are come; I
+have so much to say."
+
+Marian could not dwell on Gerald; she put her arm within Caroline's,
+looked back to see Fanny safe under the care of an Oakworthy footman,
+and soon was in the carriage.
+
+"Well, Caroline; and how is every one?"
+
+"Pretty well, considering the revulsion of ideas we have all undergone.
+Poor Miss Morley left plenty of farewells for you. You can't think haw
+pleased she was with your message."
+
+"Poor thing! Where is she?"
+
+"At her aunt's; she went on Monday. Mamma was impatient to have it over.
+You know her ways."
+
+Marian knew that this intimated that Caroline thought her mother had
+not been kind; and she doubted whether to continue her inquiries;
+but Caroline was too eager to tell, to wait for questions, and
+proceeded:--"There had been dissatisfaction for a long time, as I
+believe you may have guessed; mamma thought Clara backward, and wanting
+in what Miss Morley calls 'the solid;' and at last, coming suddenly into
+the schoolroom at twelve o'clock one fine day, she found reason good,
+for they were very comfortably reading M. Eugene Sue."
+
+"O, Caroline, impossible!"
+
+"Too possible," said Caroline, "though I would not believe it at first.
+However, they did not know what it was when they began, and were
+afterwards too much bewitched with the story to leave off; and as they
+felt it was wrong, they read it the more constantly to get it over
+faster."
+
+"But how in the world could they get such a book?"
+
+"From the circulating library. It appears that they found the evenings
+rather dull in London this spring, when we were all out, and so began a
+little secret hiring, which was continued at Oakworthy, and with a worse
+choice of books."
+
+"That she should be so little to be trusted!"
+
+"Nay, Marian, who could live with her half-an-hour in the schoolroom,
+and think she could?"
+
+"Certainly, she often puzzled me when first I came."
+
+"And you never saw the worst. You always kept order, after you came."
+
+"O, Caroline, what nonsense!"
+
+"Yes, indeed you did. I do assure you that, scores of times, the
+knowledge that your great eyes were wondering at me has kept me from
+bullying Miss Morley into letting me do what I knew to be wrong. I could
+persuade her and deceive myself, but I could not persuade you; and then
+all the rest went for nothing, because you were sure to be right."
+
+"It is very easy to see the right for other people," said Marian, with
+rather a sad smile.
+
+"Yes, only other people don't mind that, unless you do the right
+for yourself; and that is the thing in you, Marian. If you had said
+anything, I should not have minded it half so much; but your 'I don't
+know,' cut me home."
+
+"I am sorry--"
+
+"No, don't be sorry, for I am glad. If you had not come before all the
+good of Miss Cameron had gone off from me, what should I have been? O,
+Marian, I am very glad you are come back; I did not know I liked you
+half so well till you were gone."
+
+"I am sure I might say the same" almost whispered Marian, in a choked
+tone, under her bonnet. Caroline caught it up eagerly, and seizing her
+by both hands, exclaimed, stooping forward to peep at her face, "Marian,
+Marian, do you say so? And are you really not so very miserable at
+coming back to us?"
+
+A tear, one of Marian's very reluctant tears, actually rushed from her
+eye, and with a hard struggle to speak, she said, "Miserable! how can
+you say so? You are so very kind to me."
+
+"And do you not hate us?" said Caroline, with, an arch look of delight,
+then softened into something of mournfulness. "Nay, I did not mean that;
+but you can bear to be with us after your own Agnes,--after those good
+people,--after such a home as Fern Torr?"
+
+"O, Caroline, this is very unlike my first coming to you!"
+
+"Yes, I know we were not kind; we were not as we ought to have been to
+you."
+
+"No, no, no; I was stiff and disagreeable; I would not be pleased," said
+Marian, forgetting all coldness but her own.
+
+"No wonder. O, Marian," and Caroline's voice trembled, "no one knows
+better than I do how much there is to be lamented in our ways of going
+on,--how different our house is from Fern Torr." Marian could not say
+no. "You were too good for us; you are still, I would not see you like
+us; but if we could make you comfortable enough to think Oakworthy not
+an exile, but something like a home, how glad I should be!"
+
+Marian laid her hand on Caroline's arm; and, with an effort that cost
+her a spasm in her throat, she said, "You have!" Not another word could
+she get out; but this was enough. Caroline kissed her for the first time
+in her life, except at the formal partings at bed-time, and there were
+tears on both their faces. After a time, Caroline broke into the flood
+of thoughts in her cousin's mind, by saying, playfully, "When folks are
+missed, then they are mourned, people say; and I am sure you deserve the
+compliment, for till you were gone, I never knew your value. How many
+silly fancies of Clara's have flourished, for want of your indifference
+to put them down! How stupid it has been not to have you to read with,
+or talk to! How lonely the drawing-room has been, and nothing but
+nonsense if I went to the schoolroom. And then the boys,--Lionel has
+been so unruly there was no bearing it, and grumbling for you every day;
+and Johnny,--O, Marian, do you know it is settled that Johnny goes to
+sea, after all?"
+
+"Johnny! I know he wished it, but I thought Mrs. Lyddell never would
+make up her mind to it."
+
+"Ah! there have been storms in the higher quarters," said Caroline, with
+would-be gaiety. "You are very lucky to have been away all this time,
+for it has been by no means a serene sky. You know," she proceeded with
+gravity, "they say the times are bad; well, in the midst of papa's
+vexation at the tenants asking for a reduction of rent, in came a whole
+lot of Elliot's long bills, which made papa lecture Walter and me one
+whole evening on economy, and caused him to be extremely annoyed with
+everything and everybody, and to say mamma must give up her opposition
+to Johnny's being a sailor; and I never saw mamma take anything so
+really to heart. It has been very uncomfortable; and in the midst came
+this business of poor Miss Morley, who had rather harder measure in
+consequence."
+
+"Poor little woman! Well, she was very good-natured," said Marian, glad
+to turn the conversation from this account of family matters, not given
+in the pleasantest style, but rather as if Caroline was trying to
+conceal her real feelings by an air of satire.
+
+"She was like a child in authority. You see, we, who know her well,
+never think of blaming her as if she had originated the mischief; while
+mamma, who never did know her, cannot be persuaded that she simply
+yielded to Clara."
+
+"That is not exactly the object one desires in a governess," said
+Marian. "Well, poor thing! and how is Clara? is she very sorry?"
+
+"I really can hardly tell. I have been vexed with Clara myself, to tell
+you the truth; for I thought she acted shabbily. The blame passed over
+her, and lighted on Miss Morley; and she did not stretch out a hand to
+help her. Now Clara knew that it was wrong to read those books, just as
+well as you or I; indeed, it was all her doing; and I could not bear
+to see, her thinking herself innocent, and led into the scrape by Miss
+Morley. She did cry excessively, and was very unhappy when she found
+Miss Morley was really going, and the parting was heart-rending; but
+then the very next day, in spite of their confidential friendship, she
+began to disclose the poor woman's follies one after another, till I am
+quite tired of hearing of them. They must have grown much worse than
+they were in our time. I never knew then that she was always fancying
+people were in love with her."
+
+"T wonder what she will do!"
+
+"She would not be a bad governess where the mother looked after the
+children. Well, I hope she will soon get another situation, poor thing!"
+
+"Yes, indeed, for I am afraid she never saved anything."
+
+"O, no, she frittered all her money away, and always was poor at
+quarter-day; and she has only that old aunt to take care of her."
+
+"Poor thing, poor thing! If she would but have been firmer. And is Clara
+to have another governess?"
+
+"No, mamma thinks her too old; but I am sure I hope she is to develope
+more. I do not think you or I were like her at fifteen."
+
+"I think," said Marian, meditatively, "that Miss Morley and Clara helped
+what--was not wise in each other."
+
+"Yes, that is my hope,--that when Clara is out of her influence, she may
+grow wiser. People's minds do grow at different times, you know. Poor
+little Clara! I want Walter to talk to her, but it is hard to bring
+about; for they seem to have no common subject. Ours is a very odd
+household; we all go our own ways in our own worlds. Papa and mamma each
+have their way; and Elliot his way. Walter stands alone too; then I am a
+sort of connecting-link between the schoolroom set and mamma,--yes, and
+with Walter too: while the three boys are a party by themselves. O,
+Marian, no wonder you did not like us."
+
+"Say no more of that, pray, Caroline."
+
+She made no answer, but after a pause, suddenly exclaimed, "Nothing
+would matter, if it was not for Elliot. He is the root of all that has
+gone wrong."
+
+"Is he at home?"
+
+"No; he went last week, and the storm lulled then. O, Marian, I am weary
+of it all! But it is one comfort that you are come."
+
+Caroline certainly looked very much harassed, and her words showed that
+every one had been out of temper, and she had been obliged to bear it
+all. Marian was very sorry, and felt quite fond of her, as she answered,
+with a kind tone, "Thank you."
+
+"Walter has been the only comfort; but then he has been very unhappy
+too. I am afraid he knows more and worse of Elliot than he chooses to
+tell me. And then he is so busy,--going up for his degree, you know,
+after the vacation, and so nervous about it, that I have not liked to
+talk to him about anything tiresome, because, poor fellow, he is
+quite worried enough already. Well, but now tell me about pleasanter
+things--your pretty Agnes, how is she? and Gerald?--I wanted to have
+seen more of him. Was not he in glory?"
+
+"O, yes," said Marian, as a pang shot through her at this recall of her
+anxieties.
+
+"And tell me the whole story of Saunders' wedding."
+
+The two cousins had so much to say, that the long reaches of white chalk
+road and the bare downs had hardly time to pain Marian's eye; and she
+was surprised so soon to find herself in the well-known street of
+Oakworthy.
+
+It was not a hopeful prospect with which to return, after so happy a
+summer as she had spent; and yet a degree of trouble gave Marian a
+kindlier feeling towards the Lyddells. If it had not been for Gerald,
+she would have arrived at Oakworthy in a bright temper. Even now the
+discontent had been expelled by the dispositions fostered by Mr.
+Wortley; and if there was a weight on her, it was not a burthen of
+selfish repining,--the worst burthen of all. That Caroline had really
+missed her,--that Caroline loved her,--was a discovery that warmed
+her heart, and inclined her more than all before to look kindly on
+Oakworthy, when she drove up to the door, and met Clara in the hall.
+
+Clara hung upon her, and overwhelmed her with kisses; Mrs. Lyddell
+received her just as she had done before; and Walter shook hands
+cordially, as if he was very glad to see her again. The talk went on
+about visits and engagements, and each moment made Marian feel that her
+Sunday world had passed from her, and her workday world begun again.
+
+Clara came to her room with her, partly to see her new maid, and partly
+to talk with her about Miss Morley; but Marian, not wishing to have
+Fanny immediately astonished by her random way of talking, gave a sort
+of stern look and sign, which silenced poor Clara on that subject. There
+were plenty more, however, and she talked on fast; indeed, Marian had
+not two minutes alone that whole evening, till, somewhere towards
+half-past eleven, her cousins bade her a final good-night.
+
+She had time at last to think over that parting with Gerald, which had
+hung heavily on her all this time, without her being able to enter upon
+the subject with herself. What did it mean? Was it so very bad a sign?
+Did it really confirm all her fears? or was it not possible that he
+might have got into some chance difficulty? Might he not be careless and
+extravagant, without being seriously in fault? Yes; but this was but of
+a piece with other things which she had observed. Alone, it might not
+have been so alarming; but even apart from this, she could not be quite
+happy about him, after all she had observed. And had she been weak? had
+she done what was bad for him? O, for some one to consult!--some one
+under whose charge to put him! Was it her own fault that she had missed
+the opportunity with Mr. Wortley!
+
+To pray for him was all that could be done, and it in some degree
+stilled that aching feeling in her heart. Yet, whenever she woke in the
+night, she seemed to hear Caroline saying, "If it was not for Elliot!"
+with a foreboding that "If it was not for Gerald!" might be on her
+tongue in the same manner, for the rest of her life.
+
+Every time Gerald's name was mentioned, there was a pang; every time
+she thought of him in solitude, the fear and anxiety gained strength.
+Consciousness of ignorance added to its poignancy; and young as she was,
+it would be hard to describe how much suffering she underwent in secret,
+night after night, as she lay awake, in her perplexed musings on that
+one absorbing thought. Yet they were like those vague nightly terrors
+of wolves, darkness, or mysterious horrors, from which little children
+often suffer so much, without revealing them, and entirely shake off by
+day; for Marian awoke in the morning to cheerfulness and activity, with
+spirits undepressed, full of interest in things around; and only when
+reminded of her fears, secretly wincing at the sudden throb of pain.
+
+Marian's days were more at her own disposal than formerly. She might do
+as she pleased all the morning,--sit in her own room, and choose her own
+occupation; and she was just beginning to think over two or three bright
+plans of usefulness. She would make a series of copies, from prints, of
+Scripture subjects, for the Fern Torr children; she would translate some
+stories for them, and she had devised many other things to be done; when
+Caroline one day said to her, "Marian, I don't know if it is asking a
+great deal, but if you could sit with us sometimes in the morning, it
+would be a great gain. Mamma wants me to read with Clara. Now, you know
+I have no authority; and doing it for a lesson, as if it was for Clara's
+good, will only make her hate it, and pay no attention at all. But if we
+read together, as if it was for our own benefit, she will join in, and
+think it a womanly thing."
+
+Marian smiled at the ingenuity of the scheme, such as she would have
+been a great deal too awkward, as well as too straightforward ever to
+devise. It was a case where "no" could not have been said, but there
+were many ways of acting a no; and Marian was so sorry to give up the
+Scripture drawings, the idea of which had greatly delighted her when
+proposed by Agnes, that she had it in her heart to have backed out of it
+as often as she could. A little thought, however, convinced her, that to
+help Caroline's plans for her sister's good was the foremost duty, that
+to avoid it would be positive wrong and unkindness; so she resolved
+to lend herself to it with all her might, even though Agnes might be
+disappointed.
+
+And pray, why should Agnes be disappointed? Why were the drawing and
+reading incompatible? Marian had taught herself to think it impossible
+to do anything for Fern Torr, in public, for fear of being laughed at,
+or observed upon; and these drawings, which were of sacred subjects, and
+further involved some alterations of her own, would, she thought, be
+worse than any. She mused a long time whether this was right feeling or
+foolish bashfulness, and decided at last that it was a little of the
+former trying to justify a great deal of the latter, and that Caroline
+and Clara were not the same thing as Miss Morley and all the boys; so
+with an effort, which, considering the occasion, was almost absurd in
+its magnitude, she brought her portfolio down, began to draw, and did
+not experience anything unpleasant in consequence. It was one of her
+first practical lessons in the fancifulness of her shyness. Her cousins
+took interest in what she was about, admired, and helped her to hunt
+up subjects to make her series complete; indeed the three girls were
+exceedingly comfortable together, and a pleasant, mutual good-feeling
+constantly grew between them. Clara was certainly becoming less childish
+and silly when no longer nominally under the authority of Miss Morley,
+and the confidante of all her follies, but the companion of two sensible
+girls, young and bright enough to enter into all the liveliness about
+her that was not silliness and a great deal that was, and to drive away
+some of her nonsense by laughing at it.
+
+The mornings were thus pleasant and satisfactory, the afternoons were
+less certain to be agreeable. If there was a ride, it was delightful,
+if a walk, it was all very well; but there was a third contingency, to
+which Marian had become liable, of being carried forth with her green
+card-case on a morning visiting expedition by Mrs. Lyddell, and this was
+one which required all her powers of resignation, though the misfortune
+was much more imaginary than real.
+
+There were three chances of the way of spending the evening too. The
+first, the family party alone, this was pretty well, and though not
+charming, was by far the best; Mrs. Lyddell's talk was agreeable, and to
+sit with Caroline, and perhaps with the addition of Walter, at the small
+table, working, reading, and talking, was as quiet and comfortable a way
+of passing the time as might be. A dinner party at home was next best,
+for she had her own quiet corners of conversation, and Walter would
+sometimes come and take shelter there too, and get into a talk, as well
+as if the room were empty of company, sometimes better, because his
+mother could not hear him, and he was never so backward in telling his
+real mind, as in her hearing. Worst of all was a party from home, where
+she knew few persons, and disliked all she knew.
+
+Unhappily, this was generally her feeling towards all the neighbourhood;
+and though it may seem to be a strong expression, it is scarcely too
+much to say that in Marian's habitual frame she looked on every one that
+could be considered as company in the light of natural enemies, leagued
+to prevent her walks and rides, to tease her, and to spoil her evenings.
+
+This was partly the result of her constitutional shyness, but it would
+have gone off, by this time, if she had not fostered it by imbibing Lady
+Marchmont's exclusiveness. Marian would have been shocked to realize how
+she despised and scorned her acquaintance--why? the answer would have
+been hard to find--because they were company--because they were the
+world--because they were Mrs. Lyddell's society--because she was
+superior? How or why? She disdained them all, without knowing it, and
+far less knowing why. She complied scrupulously with every rule of
+formal politeness, and had become a tolerable mistress, by rote, of such
+common-place small talk as served to fulfil her part, and make her not
+feel herself absurd, but this was all; she would not let herself be
+pleased or amused, she would not open her eyes to anything good or
+agreeable about the people, except a very few favoured ones, chiefly
+clergymen or their wives.
+
+It was very wrong, it was Marian's one great fault at this period of her
+life, and it had the effect of making her almost disliked. Clara had
+scarcely said too much in telling Agnes that her pride was often
+remarked, for Mrs. Lyddell's neighbours were just the people to fancy
+pride where it was not, especially where the rank was superior to their
+own. Tall, handsome, and outwardly self-possessed, Miss Arundel did not
+gain credit, from superficial observers, for shyness, and was looked
+upon as a very haughty ungracious girl, while it was whispered that Mrs.
+Lyddell had had a great deal of trouble with her.
+
+The autumn passed on in this manner, and towards its close, Elliot
+returned from shooting in Scotland, and announced that his friend, Mr.
+Faulkner, was coming to Oakworthy, to look at an estate, which was for
+sale in the neighbourhood.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was pleased, and questioned her son about Mr. Faulkner's
+thousands a-year; then turning to Marian, said,
+
+"Surely, Marian, you know him; I heard of your meeting him and Lady
+Julia at Lady Marchmont's."
+
+"Yes," said Marian, with her face of rigidity.
+
+"Ah! yes, to be sure, he told me so," said Elliot.
+
+"Any one but Marian would be impatient to know what he said of her,"
+said Caroline.
+
+"Do you want to know yourself, Caroline?" said Elliot; "shall I tell
+you?"
+
+"Yes, do," said Caroline, in her curiosity, forgetting that Marian might
+be pained.
+
+"Ah! you ought to be warned if you want to set your cap at him, for
+she has forestalled you. Let me see, what was it he said? O, that Lady
+Marchmont would scarcely be alone in her glory long, for, for such as
+liked the style of thing, her cousin was as perfect a piece of carving
+in white marble as he ever had seen."
+
+White marble was certainly not the comparison for Marian's cheeks at
+that moment; it was pain and horror to her even to hear that she had
+been spoken of between Elliot and Mr. Faulkner, and to be told it in
+this manner, in public, was perfectly dreadful. She could neither sink
+under the table nor run away, so with crimson face and neck, she kept
+her post on the sofa, and every one saw she was intensely annoyed.
+Elliot, who had told it in a mischief-making spirit, fancying he should
+make his sister jealous, walked away, amusing himself with the notion
+that he had sown the dragon's teeth; Caroline was very sorry to have
+caused such painful blushes, yet was proud to hear of Marian's being
+admired; and Mrs. Lyddell said not a word, but worked on with a jerk at
+her thread, trying to persuade herself that she was not vexed that, as
+Elliot said, her daughter had been forestalled.
+
+Marian did not recover herself sufficiently to say one word about Mr.
+Faulkner till she was in her own room, and then when Caroline came, to
+pity her for her blushes, and apologize for having occasioned them, she
+said, "O! how I wish he was not coming!"
+
+"Why, don't you like him in return for his admiration?"
+
+"He is a horrible man!" said Marian.
+
+"Horrible, and why? What has he done to you? I am sure you are very
+ungrateful."
+
+"Don't talk of it," said Marian, blushing furiously again, then
+recollecting that she might give rise to a suspicion that he had already
+said something to her, she added, "I don't--I don't mean anything about
+that nonsense."
+
+"Well, but what do you mean? Is it really anything more than his being
+Elliot's friend, and having dared to--."
+
+"No, but Caroline, don't say anything about it; it was what I heard
+about him at the Marchmonts."
+
+"O what?"
+
+"It does not seem fair to tell how they talked over their guests, so
+don't repeat it again, pray."
+
+"You seem to find it like having a tooth drawn. Well! I am sworn to
+secrecy. I won't tell a living creature."
+
+"I am sure I know hardly anything, only that Lord Marchmont thinks very
+badly of him, and was quite sorry he had been asked to dinner. And he
+spoke of his having taken up Germanism, and oh! Caroline, for a man's
+faith to be unsettled is the worst of all, for then there is nothing to
+fall back upon."
+
+Caroline stood by Marian's fire, looking thoughtful for some moments.
+"Yes," she said, "you and Walter are in the same mind there, but it is
+not like what I was brought up to think. Miss Cameron used to teach us
+that the being in earnest in believing was the thing rather than the
+form of faith."
+
+"O, Caroline, that cannot be right. We have been commanded to hold one
+form of faith, and it must be wrong to set up another and hold it."
+
+"Yes, but if people are not clear that only one was given to every one,
+and that just as we say it is?"
+
+"Then it is very bad of them!" said Marian indignantly, "for I am sure
+the Bible is quite clear--one faith--the form of sound words--the faith
+once delivered to the saints."
+
+"I am quite clear about it," said Caroline.
+
+"O, of course," said Marian, looking at her with a sort of alarm at her
+speaking of the possibility as regarded herself of not being clear.
+
+"But if people are not clear, what are they to do?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, quickly; "only I hope I shall never have
+anything to do with such people; I can't judge for them; I had rather
+not think about them; it is of no use."
+
+"Of no use--what, not if you could do such a person good?"
+
+"Only in this way," said Marian, taking up her Prayer Book, and turning
+to the Collect for Good Friday.
+
+"Yes, but trying to convince?"
+
+"I should be afraid."
+
+"Afraid! Marian, I am sure nothing could hurt your faith."
+
+"I would not try," said Marian, shaking her head sadly.
+
+"But at that rate no one ever would be converted?"
+
+"You forget that there are clergymen."
+
+"Yes, but other people have done good."
+
+"O yes, but not women by arguing. O no, no, Caroline, we never ought to
+put our weakness forward, as if it could guard the truth. You know the
+wrong side may find stronger arguments than we are able to do--mind I
+don't say than can be found--of course truth is the strongest of all,
+but we may be overpowered, though the truth is not. We women should not
+stand out to argue for the truth any more than we should stand out to
+fight as champions in the right cause."
+
+"And is this the reason you never would argue?"
+
+"I don't know--I mean no, it was only because I had nothing to say; I
+knew when a thing was right, but could not tell why, and the more you
+asked, the more I did not know."
+
+"And do you know now?"
+
+"Sometimes," said Marian, "not often, but Mr. Wortley taught me some
+things, and one grows up to others. But I could never explain even when
+I know."
+
+"For instance--" said Caroline, laughing.
+
+"O that came, I don't know how. Have I said so much?"
+
+"A great deal that is very nice. Good night, Marian."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+  "She seemed some nymph in her sedan,
+  Apparelled in exactest sort,
+  And ready to be borne to court."
+
+  COWPER.
+
+
+Mr. Faulkner came at the time appointed, and Caroline, who had kept
+Marian's counsel, according to promise, was very curious to see how they
+would behave towards each other. As to Marian, she was just what might
+be expected,--more cold, distant, and stately than she had ever been to
+the most vulgar of Mrs. Lyddell's acquaintance. She gave a chilling bend
+to repel his attempt at shaking hands, made replies of the shortest when
+he tried to talk to her, and would not look up, or put on the slightest
+air of interest, at all the entertaining stories he was telling at
+dinner.
+
+The others were all extremely pleased with him. Elliot had never before
+brought home so agreeable a friend; a person who could talk of anything
+but hunting and racing was a new thing among his acquaintance, and
+every one was loud in his praise. Caroline, from having been prejudiced
+against him by Marian's history, was more surprised than the others:
+and scolded Marian, in the evening, for not having told them how very
+agreeable he was.
+
+"I never can think any one agreeable when I know there is hollowness
+within," said Marian.
+
+"I suppose Lord Marchmont knows," said Caroline, in a tone of annoyance
+and of a little doubt; and there the conversation ended.
+
+Few people were ever more agreeable than Mr. Faulkner. He had read
+everything, travelled everywhere, and was full of conversation suited to
+every one. If Marain had not heard Lord Marchmont's account of him, she
+must have liked him; but knowing what she did, she could and would not:
+looking at him something as Madame Cottin's Matilde first looked at
+Malek Adel, and not suffering herself to lose any of her horror. For the
+first day or two her frigidity was something wonderful, as she found
+him inclined to make attempts to cultivate her acquaintance; but she
+thoroughly succeeded in repelling him. He left off trying to talk to
+her; and one day when they were obliged to go in to dinner together,
+only exchanged the fewest and most formal of words with her, and
+positively neglected her for his other neighbour.
+
+After this, Marian did not quite so much overdo her stateliness. She
+could afford to be like herself with the others, even when he was in the
+room, though she never voluntarily took part in a conversation in
+which he was engaged, and her coldest air came over her whenever he
+approached. And it was well for her she could be so; for he stayed more
+than a fortnight, decided on buying the estate of High Down, and was
+asked to come again and make his head-quarters at Oakworthy, while
+superintending the alterations. All were sorry when he went; even the
+boys, whose first holiday week had been rendered very agreeable by his
+good nature. Johnny and Gerald vied with each other in his praise,
+heaping together a droll medley of schoolboy panegyrics; and Marian, not
+wishing to tell them of her objections, allowed that he had been very
+kind to them.
+
+The Christmas holidays passed, and left no change in the impression on
+her mind regarding Gerald; only she heard no news of her two sovereigns,
+and he did not so much as give her the opportunity of speaking to him
+alone. The heartache was growing worse than ever, and she was beginning
+to have a sort of desperate feeling that she would--she would--do she
+knew not what--write to Mr. Wortley--write more strongly to Gerald than
+she had ever yet dared to do--when one morning, a foreign looking letter
+arrived, in handwriting she knew full well, though it had never before
+been addressed to herself. There was company staying in the house, and
+Marian was not sorry it was impossible to read it at the breakfast
+table. She did not know what she was eating or what she was saying, and
+ran away with it as soon as she could, to enjoy it in her own room. A
+letter from Edmund! Could it be possible, or could it--O disappointing
+thought!--be only some enclosure for her to forward. In alarm at the
+idea, she tore it open. A long letter, and quite certainly to herself;
+for there stood the three welcome words, "My dear Marian." She glanced
+hastily down the first page, to make sure that there was nothing the
+matter; but no, it was all right--he wrote in his own lively style. He
+began by saying it was so long since he had heard from England, that he
+was growing afraid he was forgotten, and felt very small when the post
+came in, and brought something for every one but him; and he was going
+to try a fresh person, since he was growing desperate, and had sent
+appeals in vain to all his correspondents. He asked many questions about
+home friends, and about Marian herself; and then told much to
+interest her about his own doings, his way of living, and his hunting
+expeditions, with all the strange wild beasts with which they had made
+him acquainted, and he concluded thus:--"I hope you will write soon, and
+that you will be able to give me a flourishing account of Gerald. His
+silence may mean nothing, but it may also mean so much, that to hear
+he is going on particularly well would be double satisfaction just
+at present. Therefore with a view to what passed in our last walk at
+Oakworthy, tell me if you are completely satisfied with regard to him."
+
+It was a ray of light upon all Marian's perplexities; showing her what
+course to take, and filling her with hope. Her confidence in Edmund's
+power of setting everything right was still unchanged, and when Gerald's
+case was fully before him, he would know how to judge, and what to do;
+it would all be safe and off her mind. She felt sure that this had been
+the very reason of his writing; and full of gratitude, and infinitely
+relieved, she opened her desk, as if to answer was the easiest and most
+comfortable thing in the world.
+
+She did not, however, get on quite as fast as she expected; she dreaded
+equally the saying too much, or too little,--the giving Edmund actually
+a bad impression of her poor Gerald, or letting him think that there was
+no cause for anxiety. Then she thought the best way would be merely to
+give the facts, and let him draw his own conclusions; but these facts
+were in themselves trifles light as air, and it seemed unkind to send
+them across half the world. She left off trying to write, and resolved
+to give herself time for consideration; but time only made her more
+perplexed. She waited a week, wrote at last, and as soon as her letter
+was fairly gone, thought of forty different ways of saying the thing
+better and more justly, dwelt again and again on each line that could
+convoy a false impression one way or the other, and reproached herself
+by turns for having spoken disadvantageously of her dear affectionate
+brother, and for not having let her cousin fairly see the full extent of
+the mischief. On the whole, however, she was much happier now that it
+was all in Edmund's hands; so much so, that when Mr. Faulkner came
+again, she could not be quite so stiff; and being entirely relieved
+from the fear of his taking notice of her, could do him the favour of
+laughing when he told anything amusing.
+
+Winter and early spring came and went; the Easter holidays brought
+Gerald home, and she tried again in vain to get him to write to Edmund;
+but she could bear it better now that she had hopes.
+
+They went to London, and Marian was carried into the midst of all the
+gaieties supposed to befit her age and situation. Mrs. Lyddell would
+have thought herself very far from "doing her justice," if she had
+not taken her to all the balls and parties in her way; and Marian was
+obliged to submit, and get into the carriage, when she had much rather
+have gone to bed.
+
+She put off the expectation of much enjoyment till Lady Marchmont should
+come, and her arrival took place unusually late that season. She had
+not been well, and little Willie had been somewhat ailing; so that the
+bringing him into London air was put off as long as possible. It was not
+till the latter part of May that she came, as she had always promised to
+do, in time for Marian's presentation at court, on which both she and
+Mrs. Lyddell were bent; and Marian ready to endure it, by the help of a
+few romantic thoughts of loyalty. The day after Lady Marchmont arrived,
+she called at Mrs. Lyddell's and came in, as she generally did once in
+a year. After her visit was over, she asked Marian to come and take a
+drive, and no sooner where they in the carriage, than she exclaimed, "A
+nice looking girl, that Miss Lyddell! Is she the one who is to marry Mr.
+Faulkner?"
+
+"O, Selina! how could you have heard such nonsense?"
+
+"What, is it to be denied? It is not settled, then?"
+
+"No, nor ever will be."
+
+"Why, surely the man has been spending months at Oakworthy."
+
+"Only weeks; besides, he was buying a house."
+
+"A very proper preliminary to a wife."
+
+"O, no, no it is impossible!"
+
+"But why? Perhaps you know some good reason to the contrary; for I heard
+he admired you very much when he met you last year."
+
+"Don't say such things, Selina. How could you fancy it possible, after
+all the horrid things Lord Marchmont said of him!"
+
+"What is impossible, my dear? That he should think you very handsome?"
+
+"Don't, Selina, pray don't! That any body good for any thing should ever
+marry him!"
+
+"Any body good for any thing!" repeated Selina. "Well, granted,--and
+it is a considerable grant,--does that make the supposition out of the
+question?"
+
+"Yes, as regards Caroline. O, Selina! you do not know Caroline, or you
+would not look so incredulous!"
+
+"Time will show," said Lady Marchmont, gaily. "I reserve to myself the
+satisfaction of having known it beforehand."
+
+"It never will be," said Marian. "And how is little Willie?"
+
+"Very well, poor little man, if he would only grow, but he is so small,
+that I am fairly ashamed to show such a hop-o'-my-thumb. But he is
+coming out quite a genius; he reads as well as I do, and makes the
+wisest speeches."
+
+And the history of his wise speeches occupied them for some time, with
+other matters, until just as their drive was nearly concluded, Selina
+exclaimed, "But all this time I have never asked you if you can throw
+any light on this extraordinary step of Edmund Arundel's?"
+
+"What do you mean?" cried Marian.
+
+"Have you not heard that he has exchanged, and is coming home? The most
+foolish thing,--just as he might have been sure of promotion. It is not
+likely to be health, for the climate agreed very well with him."
+
+"Yes," assented Marian, wrapt in her own thoughts; "but did he write to
+you?"
+
+"Not a word; we only saw it in the Gazette, and Lord Marchmont would
+hardly believe it could be he; but it was but too plain,--Lieutenant
+Edmund Gerald Arundel. It is very strange; he was not wont to do foolish
+things."
+
+"No," said Marian, mechanically.
+
+"And you know nothing about it? You know him better than we do. Ho
+seemed the very man for the Colonies, with no ties at home, unless--no,
+it is impossible--unless there could be a lady in the case."
+
+"O, no!" replied Marian colouring so much at the secret consciousness of
+his motive, that Selina laughed, saying, "I could almost suspect you, in
+spite of your demureness, of being the very lady. However, I am glad you
+think there is no truth in my surmise, for he could not do a more absurd
+thing than marry. Only when a man gives up all his prospects in this
+way, there is nothing too preposterous to be expected to come next."
+
+By this time they were at Mrs. Lyddell's door, and Marian gladly
+escaped, feeling stunned at the effect her letter had produced. How
+noble, how kind, how generous, how self-devoted Edmund was! this was the
+prominent thought. She knew him to be very fond and very proud of his
+regiment, to be much attached to several of his brother officers, and to
+have given them more of his affection than persons with home interests
+generally do; indeed, they had served him instead of home. All his
+success in life, and his hopes of promotion, given up too,--sacrifices
+which she could not estimate; and it was she who had caused them. She
+had thoughtlessly led him to do himself all this injury, out of his
+kindness and affection, and his sense of duty towards her and her
+brother. She was very unhappy when she thought of this; then came the
+bright ray of joy and relief in hope and confidence for Gerald,--Gerald
+saved, saved from corruption, ruin, from being like Elliot, from
+breaking her heart, made all that his father and mother would have made
+him, her pride, her delight, the glory and honour of Fern Torr,--O,
+joy, joy! And the mere seeing Edmund again,--joy, joy! Yes, the joy far
+predominated over the pain and regret; indeed, be the injury to himself
+what it might, who could be sorry that he had acted so nobly? Yes,
+Marian was happy; her eyes were bright, her smile frequent; she laughed
+with Clara, she romped with little Willie Marchmont, she was ungracious
+to none but Mr. Faulkner who came to the house so much, that she began
+to fear that Caroline might have the annoyance of an offer from him,
+more especially since he had made his mother and sister call on Mrs.
+Lyddell, and Miss Faulkner seemed to intend to be intimate.
+
+The day of the drawing-room had come; Mrs. Lyddell and Caroline were
+going, and Marian was of course to go with Lady Marchmont. She had just
+been full dressed, and had come down stairs to wait for Lady Marchmont's
+carriage, when a step was heard approaching. She thought it was the
+servant, to announce it; it was the servant, but the announcement was
+not what she expected. It was "Mr. Arundel,"--and Edmund stood before
+her, browner, thinner, older, but still Edmund himself.
+
+She could not have spoken; she only held out her hand, and returned his
+strong pressure with all the force her soft fingers were capable of.
+Mrs. Lyddell spoke, he answered, explanations were given and received,
+and still she stood as if she was dreaming, until he turned to her, and
+said, "Well, Marian, these are transformations indeed?"
+
+"I can't help it," said Marian.
+
+"Do you think I want you to help it? I suppose I need not ask if the
+Marchmonts are in town?"
+
+"Lady Marchmont presents Marian," said Mrs. Lyddell; "we expect her
+carriage every minute."
+
+And just then the announcement really came.
+
+"Her carriage, not herself?" said Edmund. "Well, I think I might go
+with you to her house, Marian, if your feathers are not ashamed of such
+shabby company."
+
+"O, pray come!"
+
+"And you will return to dinner, I hope, Mr. Arundel," said Mrs. Lyddell,
+"at half-past seven? Mr. Lyddell will be so glad to see you."
+
+Edmund accepted the invitation, and the two cousins went down stairs
+together. As soon as they were in the carriage, Edmund said, "A lucky
+moment to come in. It is something to have seen you in all your
+splendour. You have grown into something magnificent!"
+
+"All this finery makes me look taller than I really am."
+
+"Nevertheless, however you may try to conceal it, I am afraid you have
+turned into the full grown cat. I saw it in your letter."
+
+"O, Edmund, I am so sorry I wrote that letter."
+
+"Why? Are you happier about Gerald?"
+
+"No, I don't know that I am," said Marian, sighing; "but--but I little
+thought it would make so much difference to you. I did not know what I
+was doing."
+
+"I am glad of it, or you would not have written so freely; though after
+all you could not have helped being like a sensible straightforward
+person."
+
+"O, it is untold relief that you are come; and yet I must be sorry--"
+
+"I won't have you sorry. No one should regret having told the honest
+truth. The fact is, I ought never to have gone. And poor Gerald?"
+
+"I have no more to say, only vague fears. But now you are come, it is
+all right."
+
+"Don't trust too much to me, Marian. Remember, it will be a generous
+thing in Gerald if he attends to me at all. He is not obliged to do so."
+
+"You will--you must do everything. Gerald is as fond of you as ever, I
+know he is, though he would not write. O, I am glad! You heard of our
+delightful going home, I hope?"
+
+"Yes. All well there?" said Edmund, hurriedly.
+
+"Very well. Agnes is grown so tall, and it is so very nice there. The
+old Manor house--"
+
+"Well," he broke in suddenly; "and how do you get on with Selina
+Marchmont."
+
+"She is very, very kind. But O! here we are in her street, and I shall
+have no more of you to-day."
+
+"Not at dinner?"
+
+"O; it is a great, horrid party, as Mrs. Lyddell should have warned
+you."
+
+"Could not I take you in to dinner?"
+
+"I am afraid not. Mrs. Lyddell will never treat me as if I was at home,
+and I am afraid there is an honourable man that I must be bestowed on."
+
+They had reached Lady Marchmont's door, and going up stairs, found her
+looking like a princess in a fairy tale, in her white plumes and her
+diamonds; and Willie, the smallest, most delicate, and prettiest of
+little boys, admiring the splendours of his papa's yeomanry uniform.
+
+In spite of being considerably provoked with Edmund for having come
+home, Lord and Lady Marchmont welcomed him with as much warmth as if
+it was the most prudent thing he could have done. They insisted on his
+coming to stay at their house, and as it was full time to set off, left
+him to see about his worldly goods being transported thither.
+
+"Has he told you his reason, Marian?" asked Selina, as soon as the two
+ladies and their trains were safely disposed of, in the carriage.
+
+"I know them," said Marian, her colour rising, "and most noble they are;
+but I had rather let him tell you himself."
+
+"Marian's discretion again," said Lord Marchmont, smiling.
+
+"Only set me at rest on one point," said Selina; "it is no love affair,
+I hope?"
+
+"No, indeed," said Marian; "or do you think he would have told me?"
+
+Probably there were few young ladies who played their part that day in
+the drawing-room, that last remnant of the ancient state and majesty of
+our courts, with happier minds, or less intent on their own appearance,
+than Marian Arundel. She was very glad when the bustle and crowd were
+over, and she could be alone to enjoy the certainty that Edmund was
+really at home again.
+
+He came according to promise that evening, but she could not have much
+conversation with him, as he was placed at a distance from her, the
+greater part of the time. He was not sorry to be thus able to watch her,
+though he did not see her in the point of view in which she pleased him
+best. She looked better now, he thought, than in the court dress; for
+the broad, simple, antique braids of her dark hair, only adorned by two
+large pearl pins, suited better than the plumes and lappets, with the
+cast of her classical features. All that he had thought promised
+beauty, as a child, had fulfilled the promise, and the countenance, the
+expression, would have been fine, seen on a much plainer face, and as
+she eat there, her black, shady eyes cast down, her dark pencilled
+eyebrows contrasting with her colourless cheek, and her plain white
+drapery in full folds, flowing round her, she might have been some
+majestic lady in a mysterious picture, who had stepped from her frame
+into a scene belonging to another age. She looked as if she was acting a
+tableau; she moved, indeed, and smiled, and spoke occasionally; but the
+queen-like deportment of her neck did not relax; her lips resumed their
+statue-like expression; there was no smile about the eye, no interest
+in the air. She was among the company, but not of them; neither shy nor
+formal, but as if she belonged to some other sphere, and had only come
+there by mistake. Edmund could have counted the times, for they were
+few enough, when her head bent forward with eagerness, and there was
+animation in her face.
+
+How different from Caroline! her brightly coloured, blooming face
+sparkling with life and light; flowers among her light, shining hair;
+her dress of well-chosen, tasteful, brilliant tints, ornament, lace
+and ribbon, all well assorted in kind and quantity, her alert, lively
+movements carrying her from one group to another, with something
+pleasant and appropriate to say to all, bringing smiles and animation
+with her wherever she went. Not that Edmund did not prefer his cousin's
+severe simplicity, and admire it as something grand; but that stern
+grandeur was not all that fitted the place; and though he thought her
+beautiful, he was not satisfied.
+
+Edmund had some talk with Mrs. Lyddell, who spoke of Gerald with great
+warmth; more, he thought, than she showed in the mention of Marian. He
+stayed till the last, and saw the relaxation of her grand company-face,
+before he wished them good night.
+
+"Well," said Mrs. Lyddell, as the door closed behind him, and she
+lighted her candle, "Africa has not robbed Mr. Arundel of all his good
+looks. How old is he?"
+
+"Nearly twenty-eight," said Marian.
+
+"I am always forgetting that he is so young," said Mrs. Lyddell. "Well,
+good night. I wonder what brought him home?"
+
+"I do not wonder, for it is plain enough," said Caroline, as the girls
+turned up their own staircase.
+
+"Marian tries to look innocent," said Clara, laughing violently.
+
+"I am sure I don't understand," said Marian.
+
+"Now I am sure that is on purpose to make us explain," said Clara. "It
+is too bad, Marian; when he came straight to you, instead of going to
+Lady Marchmont."
+
+"And the tête-à-tête in the carriage," said Caroline.
+
+"Don't be so ridiculous," said Marian; "but I believe you like such
+jokes so well, that you would make them out of anything."
+
+"I don't make a joke of it at all. I always thought it was with that
+very view, he was made your guardian."
+
+"You very absurd persons, good night!" said Marian, shutting her door,
+and laughing to herself at such a very ludicrous idea as such a scheme
+on the part of her father.
+
+These kind of jokes, of which some people are still very fond, may be
+very hurtful, since a young girl's inexperience may found far more upon
+them than the laughers ever intended. Caroline and Clara were not acting
+a kind part, though they were far from any unkind meaning. Marian had
+great susceptibility and deep affections; and had her mind been less
+strong, her happiness might have been seriously injured. Even if their
+observations had no real meaning, and no effect on her heart, yet they
+could not fail to occasion her many moments of embarrassment, and might
+interfere with her full, free confidence in her best and earliest
+friend.
+
+In some degree they had this result. Marian began to be aware that her
+situation with Edmund was not without awkwardness,--that he was still
+a young man, and that she was now a young woman; and whilst shocked
+at herself, and disliking the moment that had opened the door to the
+thought, was obliged to consider how far there might be truth in the
+suggestion.
+
+She was quite sure that she had influenced him strongly, quite sure that
+he regarded her with warm affection; she wished she was equally sure it
+was with a brother's love. Yes, she wished, for to think otherwise would
+lower him in her estimation. He was her first cousin, and if first
+cousins had better not marry he would never think of it; besides, the
+merit of his sacrificing all for Gerald's good would be lost, and
+his return would have been an act of self-gratification instead of
+self-devotion. No, she would not, could not believe any such thing; she
+was certain Edmund never would be so weak as to wish to do anything only
+doubtfully right, and thus, strangely enough, her full trust in the
+dignity of his character, prevented her from imagining him in love with
+her.
+
+Still she knew her cousins were watching her, and this prevented her
+from ever meeting him in thorough comfort at Mr. Lyddell's; and even
+when at Lord Marchmont's, her maidenly reserve had been so far awakened
+as to make her shrink back from the full freedom of their former
+intercourse. This, however, was more in her feeling than in her manners,
+which, if they differed at all from what they were formerly, only seemed
+to be what naturally arose from her growth in years.
+
+She observed that he was not in good spirits. It was not what others,
+not even Selina, could perceive, but Edmund and Marian had known each
+other too well and too long, not to read each other's faces, and know
+the meaning of each other's tones. She did not expect him to be as merry
+as in olden days at home, nor did she desire it; but there was more
+depression about him than she thought comfortable, and she was sure that
+it was an effort to him to talk in the lively way that had once been
+natural to him. She was afraid he felt the separation from his friends
+in his old regiment very severely, or else that he was very anxious
+about Gerald, and yet she had found out that the tenderest point of all
+was Fern Torr, for he either would not or could not speak of that, but
+always contrived to turn the conversation as soon as it was touched
+upon. She grieved over his unhappiness a great deal, and yet would not
+enter on any questioning, from an innate feeling, that it would not
+be becoming. He was only to stay a very short time in London, before
+joining his regiment at Portsmouth, and he meant to go and spend a day
+at Eton to see Gerald, but Lady Marchmont suddenly proposed that they
+should all go together; she said she must inspect Eton before Master
+Willie was ready to go, and that it would be a charming scheme to take
+Marian and surprise Gerald. Marian had a few secret doubts whether this
+was exactly the most suitable way of fulfilling Edmund's intentions,
+but it was so delightful a treat that she laid aside her scruples, and
+Selina coaxed her husband into finding a day to accompany them.
+
+So one fine June morning, the day before Edmund's departure, they set
+off, Selina's high spirits and Marian's happiness giving the party a
+very joyous aspect. Father Thames looked as stately and silvery as ever,
+the playing fields smiled in the sunshine, and Windsor Castle looked
+down on them majestically. Marian felt it a holiday to have escaped from
+London into so fair a scene, and even if she had come for nothing else,
+would have been happy in beholding some of the most honoured spots in
+the broad realm of England.
+
+She had many questions to ask, but Lord Marchmont was taken up with
+showing his old haunts to his wife, and she was walking some distance in
+front, with Edmund, on whose face there was an expression of melancholy
+thought that she would not disturb. He was an Etonian, and how fall of
+remembrances must all be around him.
+
+Presently two or three boys met them running, and were passing them,
+when Marion exclaimed, "There is Lionel!" "Lyddell!" called Edmund, and
+one of them stopped, so taken by surprise that Marian was for a moment
+horrified by thinking she had mistaken him; but the next glance
+re-assured her, for she knew Lionel's way of standing, and his hat
+pulled far over his forehead.
+
+"Lionel," said she, "where is Gerald?"
+
+"Hallo! You here!" said he, wheeling round so that the light might not
+be in his eyes, and shading them with one hand while he tried to make
+out Edmund, and gave his other hand to Marian.
+
+"How did you come here? Are any of the people at home here?"
+
+"No, this is my cousin Edmund. I am come with the Marchmonts."
+
+"You have quite forgotten me," said Edmund, shaking hands.
+
+"Not if I could see you," said Lionel, frowning at the light, as he
+looked up.
+
+"O, Lionel, how bad your eyes are!" exclaimed Marion.
+
+"I have just been reading, and there is such a _hideous_ sunshine
+to-day," said Lionel.
+
+"And where is Gerald?"
+
+"I'll go and fetch him."
+
+"Where is he?"
+
+"I'll find him," and off he ran, with a fresh pull of his hat over his
+forehead to keep off the hideous sunshine. The Marchmonts came up at the
+moment, and were told who he was, and that he was gone to find Gerald.
+Edmund asked what was the matter with his eyes.
+
+"They are never very good," said Marian. "Reading and strong light
+always hurt them."
+
+"Has he had any advice?"
+
+"The surgeon at Oakworthy looked at them last Christmas, when the snow
+dazzled them, but he did not think there was much amiss with them. It
+was always so. But where can Gerald be?"
+
+In the space of about five minutes, Gerald and Lionel appeared, and the
+former came up to them alone, with a look which had more of shyness than
+of pleasure, and his greeting, while more courteous, was less open and
+cordial than Lionel's had been. They all went together to the house of
+the boys' tutor, who had also been Edmund's; there was a great maze of
+talking and introductions: Lady Marchmont made herself very charming to
+the mistress of the house: Edmund and the tutor disappeared together,
+and did not come back till the others had nearly finished a most
+hospitable luncheon; after which the visitors set out to see all that
+there was time to see, and Marian caused Gerald to fetch Lionel to
+accompany them.
+
+Lionel walked with Edmund and Marian, but Gerald on the other hand
+attached himself to Lord and Lady Marchmont, talking to them freely and
+pleasantly, answering Selina's questions, much to her amusement and
+satisfaction, and Lord Marchmont comparing notes with him, as old
+Etonians delight to do with "the sprightly race, disporting" for the
+time being, on the "margen green" of Father Thames. A particularly
+lively, pleasant, entertaining, well-mannered boy was Gerald, but, all
+the time, Marian was feeling that he was holding aloof both from her and
+Edmund, never allowing either of them the opportunity of speaking to him
+alone, for even a minute; and his manner, whenever Edmund either spoke
+to him or looked at him, was such as to betray to her that he was ill at
+ease.
+
+Thus it was while they viewed the chapel, the court, with what Selina
+was pleased to call "Henry's holy shade," the upper school, the hundred
+steps, the terrace, and beautiful S. George's, with its gorgeous banners
+and carved stalls, and blazoned shields, that glimpse into the Gothic
+world of chivalry and romance; and in the midst of it that simple flat
+stone, which thrills the heart with a deep feeling at once of love,
+sorrow and reverence; that stone which recalls the desolate night which,
+in darkness and ruin, amid torn banners, and scutcheons riven, saw the
+Martyr king go white to his grave. Marian entered into all these things,
+in spite of her anxiety, for her mind was free enough to be open to
+external objects, now that her brother was in Edmund's hands, and she
+was relieved of that burthen of responsibility which had so pressed on
+her.
+
+Such was their Eton day, and with no more satisfaction from Gerald did
+they part at the Slough station. The Marchmonts were loud in his praise,
+Marian sought the real opinion in Edmund's eyes, but he was leaning
+back, looking meditative, and when first he roused himself to enter into
+conversation, it was of Lionel and not of Gerald that he spoke.
+
+"Do you say that any one has looked at that boy's eyes?"
+
+"Yes, Mr. Wells, the Oakworthy apothecary."
+
+"Do you know what is thought of him?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian considering. "He attends a good many people,
+I believe he is thought well of; but no one ever is ill at home, so I
+have no experience of him. Yes, he was called in once when we all had
+the measles, and last winter about Lionel's eyes. I am sure I don't know
+whether he is what you would call a good doctor or not; all I know is,
+that he is not at all like Dr. Oldham."
+
+Edmund smiled. "Has Mrs. Lyddell not been uneasy?"
+
+"O no!" said Marian. "No one ever troubles their head about Lionel,
+besides it was always so."
+
+"Always how?"
+
+"His eyes were always weak, and easily tired and dazzled, from the very
+first when I knew him. They don't look as if there was anything amiss
+with them, and so people don't suspect it."
+
+"I think they do look very much amiss," said Edmund. "Do not you observe
+an indistinctness about the pupil, between it and the iris? Can you tell
+whether that was always the case?"
+
+"I don't know, I see what you mean. I should say it had begun of late.
+Do you think it so bad a sign?" she asked anxiously.
+
+"I am not sure; I only know if he belonged to me, I should not like it
+at all."
+
+Marian pondered and feared, and considered if it would be possible
+to stir up Mrs. Lyddell; she herself was much startled, and rather
+indignant; but she doubted greatly whether poor Lionel was of sufficient
+importance in the family for any one to be very anxious on his account.
+In the meantime, she was extremely desirous of hearing what account
+Edmund had received from the tutor respecting her brother, but she had
+no opportunity till late in the evening, when he came and sat by her on
+the sofa, saying, "Now, Marian, I will answer your anxious eyes, though
+I am afraid I have nothing very satisfactory to tell you. I don't know
+that there is any positive harm--it is only the old story of a clever
+boy with too much money, and too much left to himself. Idleness and
+thoughtlessness."
+
+"And what shall you do?"
+
+"I don't know--I must think."
+
+Whereupon they both sat silent.
+
+"I shall see you again in the summer," said he.
+
+"O yes--perhaps you will come in Gerald's holidays."
+
+Another silence, then she said, "Do you think very badly of poor
+Lionel's eyes?"
+
+"No, I don't say that, for I know nothing, only I wonder his family are
+not more anxious."
+
+"I shall see if Mrs. Lyddell will believe there is cause for alarm."
+
+The carriage was announced, she wished him good-bye again, thanked her
+cousins for her pleasant day, and departed, wondering to herself how it
+could have been a pleasant day, as after all it had been, in spite of
+doubt and anxiety and care.
+
+She told Mrs. Lyddell when she came in, that she had seen Lionel.
+
+"How were his eyes?" asked Caroline.
+
+"I am afraid they were more dazzled than usual."
+
+No one said anything, and after a pause she went on. "Edmund remarked
+a sort of indistinctness about the pupil, which he said was not a good
+sign."
+
+"What was that?" said Mr. Lyddell looking up, and Marian, startled, yet
+glad to have attracted his notice, repeated what she had said. "Did not
+Wells look at his eyes last winter?" he said, turning to his wife.
+
+"Yes, he said he could not see anything the matter with them--they must
+be spared--and he sent a mixture to bathe them. Lionel has been using it
+continually."
+
+"How would it be to have him up here to see some one?" said Mr. Lyddell.
+
+"Better wait for the holidays," answered his wife. "It would be the
+worst thing possible to set him thinking, about his eyes in the middle
+of the half-year. Little as he does now, it would soon be less, and his
+eyes have kept him back so much already that he really cannot afford to
+lose any more time."
+
+There it ended, Mrs. Lyddell was not to be alarmed; she had been too
+long used to prosperity even to contemplate the possibility that harm
+should come nigh to her or to her dwelling. Mr. Lyddell, who left all
+family matters to her, forgot all about it, and though Marian talked
+Caroline into some fears on the subject, Caroline could do no more than
+she could herself.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+  "_Benedict_. What, my dear Lady Disdain, are you yet living?"
+
+  "_Beatrice_. Is it possible Disdain should die while she has such
+  meet food to feed her?"
+
+  _Much Ado about Nothing._
+
+
+The Lyddell family did not continue in London much longer; it had been a
+short season, and though the session of Parliament was not over, most
+of the ladies were taking flight into the country, before the end of
+June,--Mrs. Lyddell among the rest,--and her husband went backwards and
+forwards to London, as occasion called him.
+
+The girls were glad to get into the country, but Marian soon found that
+she had not escaped either from gaieties, or from the objects of her
+aversion; for Mr. Faulkner brought his mother and sisters to High Down
+House, gave numerous parties there, and made a constant interchange of
+civilities with the family at Oakworthy. Archery was pretty much the
+fashion with the young ladies that year; it was a sport which Marian
+liked particularly, having often practised it with Edmund and Agnes, and
+her bow and arrows were always the first to be ready.
+
+One day when Marian, Caroline, and Clara were shooting on the lawn at
+Oakworthy, Mr. and Miss Faulkner rode from High Down, came out on the
+lawn, and joined them. From that moment, any one could see the change
+that came over Marian. Instead of laughing and talking, teaching Clara,
+and paying only half attention to her own shooting, she now went on as
+if it was her sole object, and as if she had no other purpose in life.
+She fixed her arrows and twanged her string with a rigidity as if the
+target had been a deadly enemy, or her whole fate was concentrated in
+hitting the bull's eye; and when her arrows went straight to the mark,
+or at least much straighter than those of any one else, she never
+turned her head, or vouchsafed more than the briefest answer to the
+exclamations around.
+
+The others were talking of archery in general and in particular,--just
+what, if it had not been Mr. Faulkner, would have delighted her; but
+she would not hear him. He might speak of the English long-bow, and
+the cloth yard-shaft, and the butts at which Elizabeth shot, and the
+dexterity required for hitting a deer, and of the long arrow of the
+Indian, and the Wourali reed of South America,--as long as he spoke it
+was nothing to her, let Caroline smile and answer, and appeal to her as
+much she would. Then came a talk about archery meetings and parties, in
+which at last they all grew so eager, that they stood still round the
+return target, and Marian could not shoot back again without perilling
+them; so she unstrung her bow, and stood apart with a stern face, which
+made her look a great deal more like Diana, than she by any means
+suspected or desired.
+
+Two days after, there came a note from Miss Faulkner,--Julia, as she had
+requested to be called,--saying that her brother was so delighted with
+the archery schemes that had been discussed, that he could not give them
+up, and intended to give a grand fête at High Down,--archery in the
+morning, a ball in the evening, and all the ladies who liked, to be in
+costume. She ended by begging Caroline to come to luncheon that day, or
+the next, to enter into council on the subject. There was great delight;
+such an entertainment was quite a novelty in the neighbourhood, and the
+costume seemed to make it all the more charming in the eyes of Caroline,
+Clara, and their mother; all were talking at once, and wondering what it
+could or should be, while Marian went on reading imperturbably without
+one remark.
+
+"It ought to be in Robin Hood's time, if only for the sake of Maid
+Marian," said Caroline. "She will be quite sure to win the prize."
+
+"O yes, that she will," said Clara; "she shoots so much better than any
+one else."
+
+"I shall not shoot in public," said Marian, looking up for a moment, and
+then going on with her book.
+
+"You will do nothing to make yourself particular," said Mrs. Lyddell:
+"it will be very silly to set your face against this fête, when every
+one knows how fond you are of archery."
+
+"We don't know anything yet about what is to be," said Caroline,
+quickly; and at that moment Elliot, coming in, offered to ride with her
+to High Down, whereupon she hastened to get ready. Such an obliging
+offer from her brother was certainly too uncommon a thing to be
+neglected, in spite of the unwonted graciousness and amiability which
+Elliot had for the last few weeks assumed towards her.
+
+When she was gone, Marian and Clara resumed their ordinary occupations,
+and one of them at least troubled herself no more about the fête, until,
+shortly before dinner time, Elliot, Caroline, and Mr. Faulkner all rode
+up to the front door. Mr. Faulkner, it appeared, was come to dinner, and
+to carry on the consultation, since he was extremely eager about the
+scheme, and no time was to be lost in sending out the invitations.
+The Sherwood Forest plan had been talked over, and abandoned as too
+common-place. It was to be a Kenilworth fête; eight young ladies of Lady
+Julia's especial party were to appear in the morning in a pretty uniform
+dress, a little subdued from the days of the ruff and farthingale; and
+in the evening there was to be a regular Kenilworth quadrille, in which
+each lady or gentleman was to assume the dress of some character of
+Queen Elizabeth's court. In fact, as Mr. Faulkner said;--
+
+  "Gorgeous dames and statesmen bold
+  In bearded majesty appear."
+
+Amy Robsart, Katherine Seymour, Anne Clifford, Frances Walsingham,
+Mildred Cecil, and other ladies of the time were mentioned, and then
+came the counting up of their eight living representatives,--the two
+Misses Faulkner, Caroline, yes, and Clara herself, who started and
+danced with ecstasy, then glanced entreatingly at her mother, who looked
+doubtful; Marian, two cousins of the Faulkners, who were always ready
+for anything, and a Miss Mordaunt, were reckoned up, and their dresses
+quickly discussed; but all the time Marian said not a word. She was
+thinking of the waste of time and consideration, the folly, levity
+and vanity, the throwing away of money, all this would occasion, and
+enjoying in her own mind the pleasure of resisting it _in toto_. She
+supposed she must go to the archery meeting, though why people could
+not be contented to shoot on their own lawns, instead of spoiling their
+pleasure by all this fuss, she could not guess; but make a show of
+herself and her shooting, be stared at by all the world,--that she would
+never do. Nor would she make a figure of herself at the ball, and spend
+the money which she wanted very much for her poor people and her
+books, now that her court dress and London finery had eaten up such an
+unconscionable share of her allowance. Increased as it was, she had
+never felt so poor as at present; she wanted Mrs. Jameson's "Sacred and
+Legendary Art" for herself, and there were all the presents to be sent
+to the old people at Fern Torr; and should these be given up for the
+sake of appearing as the fair Anne Clifford, or some such person, for
+one evening, during which she would be feeling most especially unnatural
+and uncomfortable? No indeed! and she trusted that she had a very good
+and sufficient defence against all such foolery, in the slight mourning
+which she was wearing for one of the Marchmont connection. True, she had
+thought of leaving it off next Sunday, but no matter; it would be such
+armour as was not to be lightly parted with; and if she went to the ball
+at all, it should never, never be as the heiress of the Cliffords, but
+as the faithful mourning relation of old Mr. Thomas Marchmont, her
+second cousin once removed, whom she had never beheld in her life, and
+who would have been dead at least nine weeks by the time it took place.
+
+She said nothing about it in the drawing-room; but when they went up
+stairs, she told Caroline not to reckon upon her, for she should be in
+mourning, and could not wear a fancy dress. Caroline looked much vexed.
+"It was a great pity," she said, "and Julia Faulkner wished it to be
+all their own set. Besides, would not Marian shoot,--she who did it so
+well?"
+
+"O, no, no, I could do no such thing with all those people staring."
+
+"Not even for a silver arrow? You would be sure to win it."
+
+"I should be ashamed of the very sight of it ever after. O no! I should
+like--at least I should not mind seeing it all as a spectator, but as to
+making a part of the show, never, never, Caroline!"
+
+"Well, I know it is of no use to try to persuade you!" said Caroline,
+with a little annoyance in her tone. "Good night."
+
+Lady Julia, with her son and daughter, came to call the next day. Marian
+thought herself fortunate in not being in the drawing-room. She put on
+her bonnet, slipped out at the garden door, and walked away with a book
+in her hand, to the remotest regions of the park, where she sat down
+under a thorn-tree, and read Schiller's Thirty Years' War with a sort of
+exemplary diligence and philosophy, till it was so late that she thought
+herself perfectly secure of the Faulkners' being gone. Yet she only just
+missed them, for their carriage was driving off at one door, as she
+reached the other.
+
+"Where have you been, Marian?" was the first greeting.
+
+"I have been walking to the old thorn."
+
+"O, have you? We hunted for you everywhere in the house: we would hardly
+believe Fanny when she said you were gone out, for I knew you meant to
+walk with us."
+
+"I thought you would be engaged so long that it was not worth while to
+wait for you."
+
+"Well, but did you know you had missed the Faulkners?" said Clara.
+
+"I knew they were here."
+
+Every one understood this except Clara, and very little did it please
+Mrs. Lyddell or Caroline.
+
+"Marian," said Mrs. Lyddell, "you really must not be so absurd about
+this matter. Your mourning is nothing. You need not be wearing it even
+now; and it will annoy Lady Julia, and put her to serious inconvenience,
+if you continue to refuse."
+
+"I am sure I do not wish to inconvenience her," said Marian; "but there
+must be many young ladies who would be only too happy to take the part."
+
+"Of course," said Mrs. Lyddell, "any one else would rejoice to be asked;
+but the point is, that it is so unpleasant to admit any thing of a
+stranger into the intimacy these things occasion."
+
+"I am almost a stranger to them."
+
+"Yes, but not to us, Marian," said Clara. "You have known them as long,
+or longer than we have; and you would look so very well. Lady Julia said
+herself that such a distinguished face and figure as yours would set the
+whole thing off to advantage."
+
+Caroline well knew this was but the way to make Marian still more
+determined against it. She held her tongue through all the persuasions
+of her mother and Clara; and trusting a little, but not much, to the
+superior influence which she knew herself to possess, she followed
+Marian to her room, and began,--"Marian, are you still resolute against
+this unfortunate archery? because, if you do not really think it a
+matter of right and wrong, I should be very much obliged to you if you
+would only yield."
+
+It was not so easy to withstand Caroline speaking in this way, as Mrs.
+Lyddell almost scolding and Clara talking nonsense; but Marian had made
+up her mind, and would not let herself be shaken. "I don't think I can,"
+was her answer.
+
+"Will you say whether you really think it wrong?"
+
+"I don't know." Not her considering "I don't know," but the dry,
+provoking end-of-the-matter answer of half sullen days gone by.
+
+"If you really thought it positively wrong," proceeded Caroline, "not
+another word would I say: but I don't see how you can without condemning
+all gaeties, and that I know you do not."
+
+"I only think it a--a waste of time--a great deal of nonsense," said
+Marian, faltering for an answer; "and really I have spent so much money;
+I do not like to throw away any more."
+
+"O, you do not know how we have settled that," said Caroline, beginning
+to be hopeful now that she had something tangible to attack. "The
+dresses for the morning will be nothing,--only a white skirt and green
+polka, which will do to wear for ever after, and a little ruff, very
+pretty, and no expense at all; and a little alteration will make our
+court dresses perfectly suitable for Queen Elizabeth's ladies. You need
+not be at all afraid of being ruined."
+
+Marian saw that, though there would be many a little expense to make a
+mickle one, yet it would still only cost her Mrs. Jameson, instead of
+the gifts to the poor people; but as this was what chiefly justified
+her in her own eyes, she would not admit the conviction, and answered,
+"Those things that are altered and adapted really are as costly in the
+end as if they were new altogether. Besides, I could not, I really could
+not shoot before such an assembly."
+
+"I should so like to see you get the arrow."
+
+"O Caroline, that would be worse than anything!"
+
+"Well, then, don't get it; shoot as badly as you please: only do be kind
+and make one of us, or you will spoil the whole concern."
+
+"How can that be? What difference can my dressing up or shooting make to
+any one?"
+
+"Why, for one thing, if you are not one, as you must be, living with us
+and all, Julia will be obliged to ask that Miss Grimley; don't you know
+her?"
+
+"What, that old young lady who has been figuring in the newspaper so
+long as getting all the archery prizes?"
+
+"Yes, the veteran archer, as Elliot calls her; and Mr. Faulkner says, if
+she appears in character at all, it must be as Queen Elizabeth herself
+dancing a stately pavise to the sound of the little fiddle. She is some
+connection of theirs, and must be asked, if you will not take it; and
+she is almost as bad as Queen Elizabeth herself, and will give none of
+us any peace about the dresses, O Marian! Julia said she should esteem
+it as a real kindness from you if you would be Lady Anne, if only for
+the sake of keeping her out!"
+
+"I think it would be very absurd for a person who hates the whole
+concern to be dragged in, for the sake of keeping out one who likes it!"
+
+"Then you are still resolved? Well, I had not much expectation, but
+still I was half inclined to hope you would relent, if you did not think
+it a point of principle, when you knew that it would be a real favor to
+me."
+
+"To you, Caroline! you do not care for such trumpery."
+
+"I do care about seeing my friends mortified and vexed," said Caroline,
+mournfully.
+
+"Your friends!" exclaimed Marian, in a voice of contempt.
+
+"Yes, as much as kindness can make them."
+
+"And esteem? O Caroline!"
+
+"Kindness--readiness to oblige," repeated Caroline.
+
+"They are my friends, and I am very fond of them."
+
+Caroline went away without another word, and Marian felt that her words
+implied that she preferred readiness to oblige, to rigid, unbending
+superiority in goodness. Marian felt it, and was disappointed in
+Caroline, and pleased to have kept her determination, without asking
+herself how far it was satisfied pride in obstinacy.
+
+This was the last time for many weeks that Caroline lingered talking
+in Marian's room. The old chill had come on again. Both knew, though
+neither said so, that it was not so much because it was a display and
+expense that Marian refused, as because it was the Faulkners' party. If
+it had been Lady Marchmont's, it would have been very different. Now
+Caroline liked the Faulkners; they were all good natured, and much more
+agreeable than any others in the neighbourhood--than any, indeed, with
+whom she had yet been brought into close intercourse. She thought Marian
+was unjust and ungracious, both to them and to her; that she had been
+prejudiced from the first, and now was very decidedly making herself
+disagreeable by a rigidity in trifles, which was almost positive
+unkindness. Caroline's home, as has been shown, was neither a very
+happy, nor a very satisfactory one; so that of late she had learnt to
+look upon her brother Walter and Marian as her chief comforts, and was
+now much more hurt and disappointed at Marian's conduct than she was
+willing to show. It was particularly unfortunate just at this time, when
+there was so much to invite and gratify her at High Down, when she was
+in especial need of a true and affectionate friend and counsellor, and
+when Walter was absent, being engaged in preparing for his ordination,
+which was to take place in the course of the autumn.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was much displeased with Marian, and showed it by her
+coldness and formality; and Marian began to live more alone with
+herself, and at war with the outer world, than she had done even before
+Edmund's first visit five years ago. Caroline and Clara were a great
+deal with the Faulkners, either at High Down or at home. Clara was in a
+perfect transport at being admitted into the number of the archeresses,
+and had struck up one of her eternal friendships with Louisa, the second
+Miss Faulkner; and Marian might very fairly be provoked at seeing how
+entirely her mind was diverted from all the rationality which she and
+Caroline had been endeavouring--and as they had hoped, not without
+success--to infuse into her during the past year. To get Clara to
+settle quietly down to anything was an utter impossibility; her wisest
+employment was the study of Elizabethan costumes, her most earnest, the
+practice of archery. Now Marian always maintained that archery, on their
+own lawn, and among themselves, was a very pretty sport; and for the
+sake of consistency with her own principles, she very diligently shot
+whenever the Faulkners were not there, and did her very best, by precept
+and example, to make Clara fit her arrows to the string in her own
+direct and purpose-like way, draw the bow-string to her ear with a
+steady effort and aim, instead of a fitful jerk or twitch; and in fact
+shoot, if she was to shoot, like a sensible woman, who really intended
+damage to the target. Clara was very much obliged, and made some
+progress; but Marian thus did herself little good with any one else,
+for her love of the sport, and her excellence at it, made her spirit of
+disdain all the more marked. Clara, was again, as in former times, her
+chief friend in the family; for Marian, after the first vexation, held
+her sense too cheap to blame her for her folly. It was the fault of the
+others that she had been put in the way of what could not fail to turn
+her head; so she listened, without showing many tokens of contempt,
+to her endless histories of dear Louisa, and all the plans at High
+Down,--of the witticisms that were perpetrated, the anticipations of
+amusement and admiration, and of the tracasseries which Miss Grimley had
+not failed to occasion. Marian was often entertained, and Clara more
+than once hoped she was on the point of regretting that she was not one
+of the favoured eight; but nothing could be further from Marian's mind.
+She did not intend to absent herself either from the archery or from the
+ball, but she must wear her own character, and no other; and people
+were allowed to assume fancy dresses or not, just as suited their
+inclination, so that she was in no fear of rendering herself remarkable.
+
+Caroline and Clara were to go to High Down two days before the great
+occasion, and stay till the day after; Marian to remain at Oakworthy.
+Just before they went, Clara danced into her room, saying, "Marian, do
+you know some of the officers at Portsmouth have been asked to the ball?
+You know there is a railroad all the way. I wonder if Mr. Arundel will
+be there?"
+
+"Decidedly not," replied Marian.
+
+"What, not when he knows what an attraction there will be?"
+
+"Don't talk such nonsense, Clara; the idea of thinking a man would take
+such a journey for a ball! Well, I hope you will be very happy."
+
+"O do come and see my dress, Marian, before it is packed up; it is on
+mamma's bed, and it is so beautiful!"
+
+Marian came, and admired. Caroline was to be Amy Robsart, and Clara,
+Janet Foster; a part her mother had chosen for her, as more appropriate
+to a girl not yet come out. Certainly, Tony Foster would scarcely have
+recognized his demure little Puritan under the little lace hood,
+the purple bodice, and white skirt, at which Clara looked with such
+exultation; and Janet was further to be supposed to have taken
+possession of the Countess's orient neck-pearls, and was to wear them as
+the only ornament that could with any propriety be bestowed on her. It
+happened that Marian had a remarkably fine set of pearls. She had few
+jewels of any kind; but these had been her grandmother's, and there
+was some tradition belonging to them which no one ever could remember.
+Janet's necklace was so much less pretty, that Marian could not help
+exclaiming that Clara had better wear hers. Clara demurred, for she knew
+Marian relied on these pearls to help out a dress which had seen more
+than one London party; but it ended in Marian's having her own way, and
+being contemptuous at the gratitude with which her loan was received.
+Yet she was surprised to find that it was a relief to her that Mrs.
+Lyddell departed a little from her cold politeness, and showed herself
+really pleased and obliged.
+
+Certainly, if Mrs. Lyddell had not in some degree relaxed, those two
+days would have been very forlorn. As it was, it was very odd to sit
+down to dinner with only Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell and Elliot, and to have no
+one but Mrs. Lyddell to speak to in the drawing-room. She was glad when
+the day came, to have it over; and she was not sufficiently hard-hearted
+to regret that it was as fine as could be wished. To High Down they
+went, and everything was just as Marian had expected,--every one walked
+about and idled, and wondered when the shooting would begin; and when
+it did begin, no one paid much attention to it except those who were
+interested in some of the competitors. Marian watched her pupil
+anxiously, and Clara, between excitement and nervousness, shot much
+worse than if she had been in the garden at home, and went so wide of
+the mark, that Marian was ashamed of her. Caroline did better, but not
+well; and the prize was of course borne off by Miss Grimley, who was
+popularly reported to have arrows enough to stock the quivers of two or
+three cupids.
+
+Clara ran up to Marian, and walked with her a little while; telling her
+all that had come to pass during the last two days,--a great deal of
+bustle, and merriment, and nonsense, which Clara seemed to have enjoyed
+excessively, and of which Marian could have said, "Every one to his
+taste." Of Caroline she saw little or nothing; and after wandering
+about in the rear of Mrs. Lyddell, and exchanging a great many cold
+salutations, and colder sentences of small-talk, she was very glad to
+find herself once more in the carriage, though it was only to go home,
+dine and dress for the ball, and then High Down again.
+
+She wore white, with jet ornaments, and a row of pearls round her
+hair,--the only thing that saved her from being rather shabbily dressed
+than otherwise. However, Mrs. Lyddell had long since announced that she
+had done saying anything about Marian's dress, and Fanny had not been a
+ladies' maid long enough to grow into a tyrant; so that she had her own
+way, and no one repeated to her, what she knew full well, that her white
+silk was yellow where it swept the ground, and the lace did not stand
+out as freshly as once it did.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell and Elliot talked and laughed all the way, quizzing the
+company very sociably, and both appearing in the highest spirits. Mr.
+Lyddell was asleep in his corner; Marian with her forehead against the
+window, and her thoughts with Gerald. They reached High Down in the
+midst of a stream of carriages; and Marian, in her plain white, had to
+walk into the ball-room with Elliot, who had completed his offences in
+her eyes, by daring to assume the dress of Sir Philip Sidney. She soon,
+however, was free of him, for he liked her as little as she liked him,
+and moreover had to go and perform his part in the noted Kenilworth
+quadrille. Marian was left standing by Mrs. Lyddell, as she usually did,
+through the greater part of a ball; for as she never waltzed, there
+were few dances in which she could take a part. She had made half the
+Oakworthy neighbours afraid of her; and Mrs. Lyddell, having found that
+all activity in the way of being a useful chaperon was thrown away, had
+acquiesced in leaving her to herself, "doing her justice" sufficient by
+taking her to the ball.
+
+Marian was entertained by the pageant, as she deemed it. It was a very
+pretty scene, with so many gay dresses, in the bright light; and it was
+amusing to recognise her acquaintances in the wonderful costumes some
+of them had seen fit to assume. She would have liked some one to
+laugh with, at a shepherdess dancing, crook and all; and she highly
+appreciated a good-natured old gentleman, who was willing to do
+anything, however absurd, that could please his friends, and had come
+out as my grave Lord Keeper himself, with
+
+  "His bushy beard and shoe-strings green,
+  His high-crowned hat and satin-doublet."
+
+Caroline looked more like a beauty than she had ever seen her before.
+Her fair ringlets and white neck had a peculiar elegance, set off by the
+delicate fan-like ruff, and graceful head-gear of the Countess Amy. The
+only fault that Marian could find was, that poor Amy never could have
+looked as if she had so much mind as Caroline's countenance expressed.
+As to her partner, Marian did not behold him with very different
+feelings, from those with which she would have regarded the real Earl
+of Leicester, could she have had one peep at the actual pageant of
+Kenilworth, with its outward pomp, masking the breaking hearts beneath.
+Thereupon she fell deep into musings on "Kenilworth," which she had read
+at home, when, so young and unlearned in novels as not to have a guess
+at what would happen, when it was all a wonder and fairy-land of
+delight, and when poor Tressilian's name of Edmund had been his first
+charm in her eyes, even before she loved him for his deep character and
+melancholy fate. She thought how unlike all this common-place world was
+to the world it aped--how far these Raleighs and Sidneys were from being
+worthy to usurp the name even for one evening! and as to Tressilian, how
+impossible to see any face here that would even shadow her idea of him!
+And yet she did not know; she might have to change her mind. There
+actually was a countenance handsome, thoughtful, almost melancholy
+enough for Tressilian himself, with the deep dark eyes, pale, clear,
+sun-burnt, brown complexion, and jetty hair that befitted her hero; a
+short beard and dark dress would have completed him, but she almost
+thought it a pity that such a face should appear above a scarlet coat
+and gold epaulettes.
+
+However, Tressilian had been moving towards the end of the room where
+she was standing, and was coming so near that she could not study him
+after the first; so she turned to speak to Miss Faulkner, who had
+finished her quadrille, and just as a polka was commencing, she was
+surprised by finding Tressilian himself standing by her, and asking to
+have the honour of dancing with her.
+
+"Thank you, I don't dance the Polka," she replied; and as she spoke
+quick flashes of thought crossed her thus--"I have not been introduced
+to him--I have met him before--how horrid of Tressilian's face to talk
+of polkas--ha! it is Edmund!"
+
+Edmund Arundel's eye it was that was glancing at her with a look of
+great amusement at her bewilderment.
+
+"The next quadrille," he proceeded, in the same ceremonious voice.
+
+"O Edmund, Edmund, I did not know you in the least! Who would have
+thought of seeing you here?"
+
+"Why not? Did you not know we were asked?"
+
+"Asked? yes; but who would have come who could have helped it?"
+
+"I wanted particularly to see you." Then, after speaking to Mrs.
+Lyddell, he turned to her again, and resumed, "But am I not to have the
+pleasure of dancing the next quadrille with you?"
+
+"If it is any pleasure to you, I am sure you are very welcome."
+
+"In the mean time, what is the meaning of your not being amongst the
+performers? You used to be a capital shot."
+
+"I? O, of course I could not shoot before all the world."
+
+"Well, I was in hopes my pupil had been doing me credit; so much so,
+that I tried very hard to make that lady with the silver arrow into
+you, and--" as Marian looked at Miss Grimley's thin, freckled face, and
+reddish, sandy locks, and could not help smiling, he continued, "when
+that would not quite do, I went on trying to turn each maid of honour
+into you, till, just as I gave you up, I saw young Dashwood fixed in
+contemplation; and well he might be, for there was something so majestic
+as could be nothing but Zenobia, Queen of the East, or Miss Arundel
+herself."
+
+"Majestic! nonsense! nothing can feel less majestic."
+
+"Then decidedly you are not what you seem."
+
+"I was trying all the time to make you into Tressilian, only your red
+coat was in the way. You know I never saw you in it before."
+
+"And so you have given up archery?"
+
+"O, no! I shoot at home; only I cannot make a spectacle of myself,--I
+hate the whole thing so much."
+
+"And you would not wear a fancy dress?"
+
+"You see I am in mourning."
+
+"Why, who is dead?"
+
+"Don't you know? Old Mr. Thomas Marchmont."
+
+"Yes, and his great-grandfather likewise! Well, you certainly are
+inclined to make the most of your connection with the peerage,"
+
+"Edmund!" and for the first time Marian felt as if she had been making
+herself more foolish than magnanimous. He gave his arm and they walked
+along together. He presently began abruptly, "What I came here for was
+to consult you about a plan for Gerald. You see I shall never get at him
+unless I have him alone. Now I don't like to take him away from you for
+the holidays, but I do not see how it is to be managed otherwise."
+
+"I don't do him any good now," said Marian sadly.
+
+"What I thought of was this; I find I can get leave for two months this
+summer. Now suppose I was to take him to Marchmont's grouse shooting
+place in Scotland, and about among the Highlands and Islands. Perhaps
+the pleasure of that excursion would make up for the being carried off
+by an awful guardian, and those scrambles might bring him to the old
+footing with me."
+
+"O it would be very nice to have him with you," said Marian; "but----"
+
+"Well, what is the but?"
+
+"I don't know, only would not taking him home be more likely to revive
+old associations than anything else?"
+
+"No," answered Edmund most decidedly; then in a more hesitating manner,
+as if casting about for reasons, he added, "I mean he was at home last
+year--it would not appear so inviting as this expedition--it would be
+giving every one a great deal of trouble."
+
+"To have the Manor House set to rights--yes--but just a week at the
+Parsonage--just to revive the old feelings with you. For you to teach
+him how to behave to the Fern Torr people."
+
+"No," repeated Edmund, "it would not do."
+
+He spoke in a manner that made Marian look up in his face with surprise,
+and exclaim as if hurt, "Then you are really casting off poor old Fern
+Torr."
+
+The next moment she was sorry she had said so, for his namesake in
+"Kenilworth" could never have worn a more melancholy aspect than he, as
+he answered in a very low voice of deep feeling, "I am the last man in
+the world to be reproached with too little affection for Fern Torr."
+
+Marian was grieved, surprised, confused, but she had no time to find an
+answer, for the quadrille was forming, Edmund began a search for _vis à
+vis_, and she found herself dancing before she had made up her mind what
+she should have said if she could have replied at once; but it was too
+late to return to the subject, and she thought it best to begin entirely
+another, by asking, the next time they were standing still, how he liked
+the officers of his new regiment.
+
+"Very much, most of them," replied Edmund; "one or two are particularly
+nice people."
+
+"Do you like any as well as Captain Gresham or--"
+
+"New friends are not old ones," quickly answered Edmund.
+
+"O no, but if you knew them as well, are there any equally worthy to be
+liked? I want you to be comfortable there very much, as it is all our
+fault."
+
+"Don't say any more of that, Marian. Thank you, I am very
+comfortable--they are a very pleasant set."
+
+"Are there any of them here?"
+
+"Yes, three of them."
+
+_L'Eté_ cut short his speech, and when they paused again he began, "I
+mean you to dance with Dashwood--there that rosy tall boy standing
+partnerless behind the lady in a Swiss fly-away cap."
+
+"O I see," said Marian.
+
+"Yes, and don't be high and mighty with him."
+
+"High and mighty, when I am only shy."
+
+"Effects are seen, causes are not equally on the surface."
+
+"O Edmund!"
+
+"Well, he is a very nice right-minded boy, very shy himself; so don't
+be grand, for I have a great regard for him, and I want him to have a
+pleasant evening."
+
+Marian was considerably frightened by being told to be agreeable, the
+thing which of all others she thought the most difficult; but she would
+attempt anything for the sake of obliging Edmund, and making no answer,
+consoled herself with thinking how far off the next quadrille was. In
+the mean time, whilst she danced in the most business-like and least
+pleasure-like way possible, she was pondering on what she had to say on
+her own account to her cousin, and when the quadrille was over and he
+took her to the supper room in quest of ices, she eagerly began, "Then
+you think me wrong about my fancy dress?"
+
+"Shall I give your own favourite reply?"
+
+"Don't you think it a good thing to avoid all this folly and expense?"
+
+"And to prove Miss Arundel's lofty contempt for finery and foolery?"
+
+"I do not want to set myself up, but how am I to help thinking all this
+nonsense?"
+
+"A hard question, since no one attempts to say it is far otherwise; but
+after all, everything in this world is nonsense, except as a means of
+doing right or wrong."
+
+"And you do not think I made this nonsense a means of doing right?"
+
+"If it had been any body else, I should have admired, but I do not trust
+_you_. However I know nothing about it, I cannot judge of the amount of
+sacrifice. Cream ice or water ice?"
+
+They could not converse any more just then, and in the next polka,
+Clara, who not being come out, was not well off for partners, was
+extremely honoured and delighted by being asked to dance by Mr. Arundel.
+When the turn of a quadrille came round again, Edmund, as good as his
+word, introduced to Marian his youthful ensign, and she, dreadfully
+afraid of not obeying Edmund by being agreeable to his friend, set
+herself to talk with all her might; told him what some of the costumes
+were intended to represent, speculated as to the others, found him
+very pleasant, and ended by making him consider his friend's cousin as
+delightful as she was handsome, and he had been very much impressed with
+her countenance. She saw Edmund was well pleased to see him looking
+animated and gratified, and the consequence was that she had to dance
+with another of his brother officers, and after all it had not been by
+any means such hard work to be amiable as she was apt to imagine. At any
+rate she never liked a ball so well, but then she had never met Edmund
+at any other, which might account for it. After the last quadrille, Mrs.
+Lyddell summoned her to come home, they took their leave of Caroline and
+Clara, whom Mrs. Lyddell promised to fetch to-morrow: Lady Julia was
+particularly full of empressement and affection, delighted that dear
+Caroline had been looking so lovely. She even came out with them to the
+cloak-room, where her son was assiduous in shawling Mrs. Lyddell, and
+all manner of civilities seemed to be passing among them in a low voice,
+while Edmund having disengaged Marian's shawl from the surrounding
+drapery, said, as he put it round her, "Then it is settled that I take
+Gerald and try to do for the best?"
+
+"O if you are so kind--"
+
+"Don's trust too much to it. I will try, which is all I can do."
+
+"No one can do him any good if you cannot."
+
+"Hush! And I must thank you for taking my scolding in such good part."
+
+"I deserved it."
+
+"I have since been thinking you are probably right. I am sure you are
+in the principle of the thing. It was the particular application that
+startled me."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell moved on, the carriage was at the door, they were all in
+it, Elliot of course last, and as he threw himself back in his corner
+and the door was shut, he exclaimed in a satisfied tone, "Well! he is
+coming it pretty strong!" Who was coming what? thought Marian, but her
+suspense did not last long, for Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell both chimed in
+with exclamations of satisfaction which left no doubt that they were
+delighting themselves in the prospect of seeing Caroline mistress of
+High Down. Marian had been in some slight degree prepared for this, she
+knew Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell would highly approve, nay, consider such a
+marriage as fulfilling their highest expectations, such an establishment
+as all that could be wished; and depending as she did on Caroline's
+principle and right feeling, she was sorry to think how much vexation
+and worrying was in store for her. As she sat disregarded and forgotten
+through that long dark drive, hearing all the eager gratulations and
+anticipations of her three companions, regarding a marriage which she
+could not think of without a sort of horror, how did she despise them,
+feel imprisoned, and long to make her escape. She had not the least
+doubt as to what Caroline would do; her rejection of such a man was a
+matter of certainty; but Marian was vexed with her for having allowed
+herself to become so intimate with the Faulkners, and thought she had
+brought on herself all the annoyances that would follow.
+
+Tired, irritated, excited, Marian was very glad to escape from the
+carriage, wish the rest good night, and run up to her own room. She sat
+before her glass, slowly brushing out her long dark hair, and trying
+to bring home her feverish thoughts, and dwell on what had passed,
+especially with Edmund, on whom she had not yet had time to think, and
+of all those hints of his, as to her behaviour in this matter. Had he
+approved it or not? or would he if he had known all the circumstances?
+There was something that struck her a good deal in his saying "I cannot
+judge of the amount of sacrifice." Had it been a sacrifice to wear a
+plain dress, to abstain from archery? It would have been, to Clara, but
+was it to her? and as she looked at the two grey volumes, with their
+store of pretty engravings and pleasant reading which lay on her table,
+and thought that they were her own for life, and that Anne Clifford's
+dress would now be laid aside and useless for ever after the archery
+prize, if she had won it, would be worthless, and the admiration,
+had she valued it, passed from her ears, she could not feel, for one
+instant, that it had been a sacrifice. Then again came his words, "every
+thing in this world is nonsense, except as a means of doing right or
+wrong." Yes, pretty books, pleasant pictures, taste and intellect were
+in themselves as little precious as dress and finery, things as fleeting
+when compared with eternity, except so far as they trained the soul
+and the higher faculties which _might_ endure for ever. She thought of
+"Whether there he prophecies, they shall fail, whether there be tongues,
+they shall cease, whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away."
+All was a shadow except that charity which never faileth, a beautiful
+picture, even as a costly dress! the way we treat these things alone
+enduring. Her head throbbed as she tried to be certain as to whether she
+had acted right. If the dress had required the money set apart for the
+poor she would have been perfectly clear about it, but she knew it
+need not have done so. Would her vanity have been gratified? Decidedly
+not--admiration of her face was so distasteful to her proud shrinking
+bashfulness, that she felt it like an insult when reported to her, and
+could almost have wished not to be so handsome, if it had not been more
+agreeable to an artist-like eye to see a tolerable physiognomy in the
+glass, when obliged to look there, and besides she would not but be like
+the Arundels, and was well satisfied with the consciousness of having
+their features, as indeed she would have been if their noses had been
+turned up and their "foreheads villainous low." If _her_ vanity was
+gratified, it was by standing apart from, and being able to look down on
+the rest of the world; and as Marian became conscious of this, her mind
+turned from it with the vexation of spirit, the disgust and sensation of
+dislike, and willingness to forget all about it, that every one is apt
+to feel with regard to a vanity passed away--something analogous to the
+contempt and dislike with which we turn from the withered shreds of
+tangible vanity, faded and crumpled artificial flowers, and tumbled
+gauze ribbon when disinterred from some dusty and forgotten corner. No
+feeling is much more unpleasant than the loathing of an old vanity; and
+though this of Marian's was not yet old, yet that touch of Edmund's
+which had shown her how he regarded her "high-and-mightiness," had made
+her very much ashamed of it. Then came the question whether it was,
+after all, self-will that had actuated her, pride and self-will, leading
+her contrary to every one's wishes, where she was not sure that she was
+fulfilling a duty. Again, on the other hand, there was this point about
+the Faulkner family, her dislike to them was founded on principle;
+indeed it was not dislike, for she allowed their agreeableness of
+manner, it was disapproval; it was determination not to enter into
+anything approaching to intimate acquaintance with a man whom she
+believed to be little better than an infidel. If Edmund knew this, would
+not he think her right? But then to be consistent, she should not have
+accepted his hospitality in any degree; she ought not to have gone to
+the ball, nor ever to have dined at his house. How far was she called on
+to set her face against him, how far was she independent, how far was
+obedience to the Lyddells a duty? This must be for a question for Edmund
+another time, and she hoped that Caroline's refusal would put an end
+to the intercourse. Nor were these all her reflections. She thought of
+Edmund and his kindness to Gerald, and the hopes, nay the confidence
+which it revived in her, setting her mind fully at rest about her
+precious brother, for in spite of Edmund's despondency, she could not
+help trusting entirely to the renewal of his influence; for who was
+like Edmund? Who so entirely treated, as well as spoke of, the world as
+nothing except as a means of doing right or wrong?
+
+But then that he should be out of spirits, as she had more plainly than
+ever perceived to-night, in spite of the gaiety he had at first assumed,
+his manner of replying when she pressed him to go to Fern Torr, and his
+absolute avoidance of it, struck and puzzled her much as well as grieved
+her. She knew his loneliness, and could understand that he might be
+melancholy, but why he should shrink from the home he so loved was
+beyond what she could fathom.
+
+She knew Clara would laugh at her for his having come so many miles on
+her account. Yes, quite sure that it was nonsense. Edmund had talked
+of coming to see her, so openly, he had laughed at and blamed her so
+uncompromisingly, that she had no doubt that he had not the least
+inclination to fall in love with her. She had the best of elder brothers
+in him, and he would take care of Gerald, and, happy in her confidence
+she fell asleep.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+  "What is that which I should turn to, lighting upon days like these?
+  Every door is barr'd with gold and opens but to golden keys.
+         *       *       *       *       *
+  "Yearning for the large excitement that the coming years would yield,
+  Eager hearted as a boy when he first leaves his father's field."
+
+  TENNYSON.
+
+
+Marian was not up much later than usual the next morning, but she had
+a long time to wait for the rest of the party. She read, wrote, drew,
+tried to busy herself as usual all the morning, but whether it was that
+she was tired with her ball, or that she was anxious about Caroline,
+she did not prosper very much, and grew restless and dissatisfied. She
+wished she knew whether she had done right, she wished she could feel
+that she had been kind and accommodating.
+
+Her head was dull and heavy from the struggle to occupy herself when her
+mind was full, and after luncheon she tried to drive her stupidity away
+by a very long ride. Groom and horses were always at her service, as a
+part of Mrs. Lyddell's justice to her, and off she set, in search of
+breezes, to the highest and furthest downs, by her attainable. On she
+went, cantering fast, feeling her power over her spirited pony, letting
+the summer sun shine full on her face, and the wind, when she had ridden
+where she could meet it, stream in a soft ripple round her head, like
+the waves of the summer tide. She rode far enough to attain the object
+she had proposed to herself, namely, to look down on Salisbury spire,
+pointing up in its green valley with the fresh meadows around it, giving
+a sense of refreshment, repose and holy influence, which her eye carried
+to her mind. Good men had raised that pile, had knelt there, sung
+in praise there, and now lay asleep within its grey walls and shady
+cloisters; men and women who had been to the full as much wearied and
+perplexed with sin and worldliness around them as she could ever feel;
+they had struggled through, their worn and fainting hearts had rested
+there, and now their time of peace was come. Why should it not be so
+with her?
+
+Ah! but things were changed; in their time there was energy; there were
+great crimes indeed, but the Church was active. The bad was very bad,
+but the good was very good, there were real broad questions then of
+right and wrong, not the coldness and frivolity, where all was so
+worthless that there was scarce a possibility of caring or seeing which
+part was the right.
+
+No, Marian would not accuse the time in which she was born, and the
+station to which it had pleased God to call her. Mr. Wortley had warned
+her against that. She had a Church, the one true holy Catholic Church,
+as surely and truly, nay, the very same that those men of old had, and
+was as much bound to love it, serve it, fight for it in her own way, as
+ever they had felt themselves. Life, truth, goodness, there was still,
+she saw it, knew it, felt it in some; and though there was little of it
+in her immediate home, so little as to make her heart faint, she knew
+that
+
+  "Israel yet has thousands sealed
+  Who to Baal never kneeled."
+
+If there was this frivolity, this deadness and chilliness about these
+present days, she knew it was a temptation long since prophesied of, as
+about to grow on the world "when, the love of many should wax cold," but
+the help and the hope were never to fail, and while she might but grasp
+after them, she had enough to do, and need not feel faint and weary.
+
+Her ride had done her good, her sensation of bodily lassitude and mental
+stupidity had been driven off by the active exercise which had produced
+a more wholesome kind of fatigue, and the temper which tended to
+discontent had partly gone with them, partly been chased away by
+reflection in a right spirit. As she was entering the park, Elliot, also
+on horseback, came up in time to profit by the same opening of the gate.
+
+"Are you but just come home, Marian?" said he, "I thought I was very
+late."
+
+"I don't know what o'clock it is, but I see the sun is getting low."
+
+"Have not you been at High Down?"
+
+"No, I have been to Beacon Hill."
+
+"To Beacon Hill! That _is_ a ride! And you have not seen any of them
+since they came home?"
+
+"No, I have been out all the afternoon."
+
+"Well, I have a notion you will have something to hear. I dare say you
+have some idea. Catch a young lady not up to a thing like that."
+
+A cold horror and disgust came over Marian, and she would not make a
+single inquiry, but Elliot went on.
+
+"So you will ask no questions? I believe you are in the secret the whole
+time."
+
+"No, I am not."
+
+"No? You will never persuade me that you are not. Why, what else can you
+ladies sit up half the night talking about in your bed rooms?"
+
+Marian despised him too much to deny.
+
+"Then do you really mean to profess," said Elliot, turning full towards
+her, so as to look her in the face in what she deemed an impertinent
+way, "that you cannot guess the news that is waiting for you?"
+
+For once in her life she could not say "I don't know," and her answer
+was a very cold "I believe I do;" while in the meantime she was almost
+feeling, and quite looking, as if she could have cut off his bead. His
+disagreeableness was the one present pain, but behind it was undefined
+consternation, for she perceived that, at any rate, he did not think
+Caroline had refused Mr. Faulkner.
+
+"You keep your congratulations till it is formally announced," said he
+maliciously, still looking at her, though few save himself could have
+failed to be abashed by the firm, severe expression of her dark eyes,
+and lips compressed into all the sternness of the Queen of Olympus.
+
+Happily they were so close to the house that Marian, who would not deign
+a reply, could avoid him without absolute rudeness. She threw her rein
+to the groom, and sprung to the ground before Elliot had time to offer
+his assistance, then ran hastily across the hall just as Clara was
+coming out of the drawing-room.
+
+"Why, Elliot!" cried Clara meeting her brother, "you have not been
+riding with Marian?"
+
+"With Marian? No, I thank you! I only met with her at the gate, and have
+been spoiling your market."
+
+"You don't mean that you have been telling her?" cried Clara; "O I
+wanted to have been first."
+
+"Precious little thanks you'll get!" said Elliot; but Clara, without
+attending to him, flew up stairs after Marian, who had reached her room,
+and while Fanny was endeavouring to get her dressed in time for dinner,
+was trying to collect her dismayed thoughts. She would not believe
+Caroline so foolish, nay, so wicked as to accept him, yet if it could
+possibly be true, what in the world should she say or do which way
+should she look, or how should she answer? In the midst of her first
+confusion in danced Clara, with a face full of delight at having
+something to tell, then looking blank at Fanny's presence.
+
+"Marian--my dear Marian--what do you think?" was her first eager
+beginning, then changing into "How--how late you are--where have you
+been! I really thought you had been out with Elliot," and she laughed.
+
+"I only fell in with him at the gate. I have been to Beacon Hill."
+
+"Have you indeed? O I wish you had come with mamma! So Elliot has
+been provoking, and told you," she added, stopping there, and looking
+significant.
+
+Marian glanced at Fanny, and shook her head. She was very glad she had
+such a protector, to give her time to collect her thoughts, but this was
+not easy, for Clara went rattling on in an eager discursive way about
+all sorts of things, the archery, the dancing, the partners, the
+dresses, hardly knowing what she said, nor Marian either, fidgeting
+about, trying to expedite the dressing, and looking most impatient, till
+at last Marian, anxious to know what had really taken place, pitying her
+eagerness, and willing to have it over, hurried the fastening of her
+dress, and arranging of her lace, and told Fanny to leave them.
+
+"O Marian! Marian! what a shame of Elliot to have told you all about it.
+Did you expect it?"
+
+"He only half told me," replied Marian, "but make haste, Clara, let me
+hear. Is Caroline really engaged?"
+
+"Yes--yes--O yes! and every one is so delighted, Lady Julia, and Julia
+and Louisa, and all!"
+
+"And she has accepted him?"
+
+"O yes to be sure--at least--yes, only you know it is too soon to settle
+when they will be married. What a charming wedding it will be, won't
+it, Marian?--you and I find Julia and Louisa, and their cousins will be
+bridesmaids O! how delightful it will be. And then I shall come out."
+
+"But Clara, Clara, don't be wild, do tell me all about it."
+
+"Ah! you see you missed something by not coming to stay there as we did.
+And to tell you a great secret, Marian, Louisa says she really believes
+that it was you that her brother thought of, when he first accepted
+Elliot's invitation to come and stay here."
+
+"Nonsense," said Marian, though her colour would rise.
+
+"And he had not seen Caroline then, Louisa says," proceeded Clara, but
+there she got into an inextricable confusion, and was not speedy in
+stammering out of it, having suddenly remembered that it was no great
+compliment to tell Marian that Louisa had said how glad they all were
+that it was not Miss Arundel. Marian cut the hesitation short by saying,
+"You have not told me when it was settled, or how you heard it."
+
+"It was settled last night after you were gone--in the conservatory--
+such a pretty place for a love affair, as Louisa says--at least I mean
+he asked her, but I don't think she gave him any real regular answer--
+no, certainly she did not."
+
+"Did you know of it that evening?"
+
+"O yes, Louisa and I had great fun in watching him all day, and all the
+day before, we saw it all quite plain."
+
+"But did Caroline tell you that night?"
+
+"Yes, of course she did. She could not have kept it from me, you know,
+for I began to laugh at her the minute we came up, and asked her if she
+had not been delightfully employed, and you should have seen what a
+colour she grew directly."
+
+"And what did she say?" asked Marian very anxiously, almost hoping it
+might prove that Caroline's acceptance might have been taken for granted
+without having been really given.
+
+"I don't exactly remember what she said, she was very grave and said it
+was no laughing matter, or something of that kind, and she walked up and
+down and begged me to be quiet and let her think."
+
+"Well!"
+
+"Then I begged her only to let me know if he had proposed, and what she
+had said, and she told me she had said nothing--she could not tell--she
+must have time, and then she leant her head against the side of the bed,
+and said she wished she knew what to do! And when I tried to cheer her
+up, and said how delightful it would be----"
+
+"O Clara, how could you?" broke from Marian.
+
+"Ah! I know you can't bear the Faulkners, but you must now, for they
+will be your cousins, you know, Marian. And I assure you I did not say
+anything silly, I said it was not only that Mr. Faulkner is handsome and
+rich, that would not be anything, you know, but he is so sensible and so
+agreeable, and kind, and good tempered, and we are all so fond of him,
+and the Faulkners all so fond of her, and it would be so very nice to
+have her close to us, and mamma would be so charmed. Well, poor dear
+girl, she did not sleep at all that night, and this morning she only
+wanted, if she could, to have sent a note for us to be sent for to come
+home to breakfast, but that could not be, you know, and when we came
+down, Lady Julia was so kind and affectionate, and kissed her and said
+she was tired, and took her to lie on the sofa, in the little boudoir.
+Lady Julia sat with her there first, and then Mr. Faulkner came, and
+stayed with her a long, long time."
+
+"O!" sighed Marian, "was it settled then?"
+
+"Not exactly settled, but somewhere about three o'clock, Mr. Faulkner
+ordered his horse, and rode out to find papa, and then Caroline ran up
+to our room, and bolted the door, and said she could not let me in,
+but just then mamma came and went up to her, and it was all joy and
+congratulation through the whole house. Mr. Faulkner came back and papa
+with him. But dear me, there is the second bell! Come, Marian! O, I do
+so wish you had been there."
+
+If Marian had been there, perhaps things would not have been exactly as
+they were at present, though this was very far from what Clara intended
+by her wish. Marian had done infinite mischief by the severity which had
+weakened the only home influence excepting Walter's which held Caroline
+to the right. Caroline respected her extremely, but the confidence and
+affection which had been growing up slowly but surely out of that root
+of esteem, had been grievously dulled and blighted, and at a most
+critical time. It had in fact been almost killed down to the ground, and
+though the root was a healthy one, and might yet shoot forth again,
+the opportunity had been missed when it might have been turned to good
+account.
+
+Caroline knew Mr. Faulkner not to be a religious man, and her better
+principles warned her against him; but on the other hand she really
+liked his manners extremely, her heart was warmed towards him by his
+preference and expressions of affection, and she did not know whether
+she loved him already or not, or whether she should allow herself to
+love him, as he was sure she could do. She had been used to a world
+where the service of GOD was not the first object; she had always lived
+with men whose thoughts and time were otherwise engrossed, and though
+she might regret what she saw, her standard had been lowered, and she
+was far less inclined to hold aloof front one whom her conscience did
+not approve, than if she had been accustomed to see everything desirable
+in her own family; in those whom nature and duty obliged her to love and
+respect.
+
+By the Faulkners she was greeted with such kindness as to win her heart,
+and she thought the power she would enjoy at High Down would enable her
+to set things on a footing there, on which she could never place them at
+home; she could not fail to be happy with Mr. Faulkner; she might work
+upon his mind, if he loved her as he said he did. Still there stood the
+great unanswerable obstacle, the three words, "It is wrong!" If she
+stood alone, if there was no family on either side, she could, she would
+refuse, but dismay seized on her when she thought of the displeasure,
+the persecution at home if she rejected him; on the other hand she
+shrank from ingratitude for the kindness of the Faulkners. There was
+Clara putting her in mind of all that could bias her in his favour,
+rejoicing already, saying how all the family would rejoice.
+
+O that interval, that night! if Marian had but stood there with the
+grave, earnest, heartfelt voice that repelled all sophistry with the
+wonted "I don't know," if the dark eyes had been there to look with
+contempt on all but the "right," and to fill with tears, the more
+touching because so rare, as her tenderness, her deep feeling would
+have been called out by the sensation of seeing and aiding a friend to
+struggle nobly against a temptation, if Caroline had felt and seen the
+superiority, the loveableness of real, true, uncompromising regard for
+right, and right alone, if she had been by one touch made to partake
+of the horror Marian felt of any failure in faith, then all the innate
+strength and nobleness of her character might have been awakened, and
+she would have clung to "the right" at any cost, supported, carried
+through by Marian's approval and sympathy, keeping her up to feel that
+higher approval was with her.
+
+But alas! alas! Marian was at a distance, and her image had at present
+connected itself with harshness and haughtiness. She might be good;
+but such goodness did not invite imitation; she did not appear half as
+agreeable as the Faulkners. Caroline turned away from the recollection
+of her, was all night and all the morning distressed, undecided, and
+vacillating; then came Lady Julia's affection, her lover pressing his
+suit, she hardly knew what she had said, but she found her consent
+was assumed, both families were rejoicing in it, she found herself
+considered to be engaged, and she returned home bewildered at all that
+had passed, flattered, almost intoxicated with the attention of various
+kinds paid her by every one, at High Down, and when her wonted dread of
+Marian's disapproving eye would return, hardening herself against it
+with the thought that Marian could not make every one as Utopian as
+her own Edmund and Fern Torr, that she was proud and determined in
+prejudice, and after all what right had she to interfere? Of Walter,
+Caroline did not dare to think.
+
+Marian came down with Clara, wearing a rigid company countenance,
+expressing more of indifference than of anything else; she would not
+look at Caroline lest her eye should seem to judge her, and only by
+furtive glances perceived that she looked pale, worn and wearied. There
+was talk about the ball going on all dinner-time, but Caroline hardly
+put in a word, and Marian's were not many. Directly after dinner
+Caroline said she was tired, and should lie down till tea-time; she went
+and Mrs. Lyddell, taking Marian by the hand, exclaimed, "Now, Marian, I
+must be congratulated. I suppose Clara has told you all about it."
+
+"Yes, Clara told me," said Marian, resolved not to offend except where
+she could not avoid it without sacrificing truth.
+
+"You could scarcely be surprised," said Mrs. Lyddell. "It has been
+evident for a long time. Dear Caroline! Well, I am sure this is a
+satisfaction! Settled so near home, and family and connection exactly
+what could be wished; and so extremely fond of her."
+
+"Yes, Lady Julia is very fond of her."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was too much rejoiced herself not to take sympathy for
+granted. The point, on which Caroline's scruples were founded, and which
+caused Marian's dislike, had never even occurred to her: she lived
+little, or rather not at all, in Marian's confidence, and really did not
+know that she disliked the Faulkners more than any one else, since her
+manners were so universally distant, that a little ungraciousness more
+or less was not very visible to a casual observer like Mrs. Lyddell.
+That same ordinary coldness and undemonstrativeness which had never
+thawed to Mrs. Lyddell was the reason that the entire absence of any
+expression of gladness or congratulation was not remarked, or at least
+only taken as her way, and besides at the bottom of her heart, Mrs.
+Lyddell was very much obliged to Marian for the repelling manner which
+had left the field to her daughter. So Marian got very well through
+half an hour's interview, without giving offence; but she feared the
+_tête-à-tête_ with Caroline, and resolved as much as possible to avoid
+it, since she could do no good, and did not think it right to express
+her sentiments unless they were positively called for. Disappointed in
+Caroline, grieved, giving her up for lost, yet loving and pitying her,
+she had rather never meet her again, certainly not have any confidential
+intercourse with her.
+
+She need not have feared: Caroline was quite as much inclined to avoid
+her as she could be to avoid Caroline; by mutual consent they shunned
+being left alone together, and talked of indifferent matters if they
+were, for there was not familiarity enough for silence. When with the
+others Caroline was the same as usual, lively, agreeable, obliging;
+perhaps, and Marian thought it strange, a shade gayer than her wont. In
+her behaviour to Mr. Faulkner every one agreed that she was exactly the
+right thing, quiet and sensible, and, as people said, "evidently so very
+much attached to him." Marian would have given worlds to know what was
+passing in her secret soul, but the right of reading there was gone.
+What did Walter think? To this also there was no answer; if he wrote,
+Marian heard nothing about his letter, and he did not come home. He was
+to be ordained in the autumn to a curacy in a large manufacturing town
+in the north of England, and in the meantime he was staying there with
+one of the other curates, helping in the schools, and learning something
+of the work before him. There was not a doubt in Marian's mind that his
+sister's engagement must be a great sorrow to him, and that this was the
+reason why he would not come home, even for a short visit. For Caroline,
+so really good, right thinking and excellent as she was, so far above
+the general tone of her family, wilfully to place herself in such a
+situation, to cast away all the high and true principles with which she
+had once been imbued, was too sad and grievous to be borne by one who
+loved her as Marian, did all the time, and how much worse it must be for
+her brother?
+
+Yes, little did most of those who saw Marian's unmoved, marble
+countenance, and heard her stiff, formal words, guess at the intensity
+of feeling beneath, which to those who knew her best was betokened by
+that very severity; how acutely she was suffering for the future before
+Caroline, how strong were the impulses to plead with her once more, how
+sick and loathing her heart felt at the manner in which this hateful
+connection was treated by all around. If that reserve could, or ought
+to, have been broken, Marian would have astonished them all.
+
+If her former anxieties about Gerald had been as of old, she really did
+not know how she could have endured them in addition to all this; but
+while she was at ease about him nothing could quite overwhelm her. And
+she was very happy about him; Mr. Lyddell had readily consented to the
+Highland plan, and Gerald was so enchanted that he forgot all his former
+fears of Edmund, saw in him only a fellow-sportsman, and when he wrote
+to tell his sister of the project, decorated his letter with a portrait
+of the holidays, every one of the thirty-seven days represented in a
+sort of succession of clouds one behind the other, in each of which
+Gerald was doing something delightful,--boating, shooting, bagging his
+game, and enjoying an infinite variety of sports, the invention and
+representation of which did considerable credit to his ingenuity. On the
+very day after the Eton election, he met Edmund in London, and they set
+off together to spend the time before the ecstatic twelfth of August in
+visits to the Trosachs, to Fingal's cave and every other Scottish wonder
+of note.
+
+Lionel returned alone, and the first thing he said as he skimmed his hat
+across the hall table was, "There! thank goodness, I shan't touch a book
+again these five weeks!" Every one asked after his eyes, but they told
+their own story, for they were considerably inflamed, and so evidently
+out of order that Mrs. Lyddell herself grew anxious, and the apothecary,
+Mr. Wells, was sent for. He spoke of their having been over tried by the
+school work, advised complete rest, and sent his mixture to bathe them,
+which in a day or two reduced the inflammation, made them comfortable,
+and restored them to their ordinary appearance, so that all anxiety
+passed off again.
+
+Marian, like the others, dismissed the fear, though a flash of
+apprehension now and then crossed her mind. She was more with Lionel
+than the others, they had always been great allies, and at present were
+more thrown together than had ever been the case before. Johnny had been
+appointed to a ship which was to sail from Plymouth in a very short
+time, and he only came home for two or three days, from the school where
+he had been prepared. Mr. Lyddell took him to London for his outfit, and
+then on to Plymouth; Mrs. Lyddell was extremely overset, more so than
+Marian had thought her capable of being, for Johnny was her favourite,
+she regarded him as a victim, and could not bear to expose him to all
+the perils of sea and climate.
+
+Johnny however went to Plymouth, and then there was nothing to be
+desired but that he should soon sail, that his mother might settle her
+mind, for in the mean time she was nervously anxious and restless,
+and could scarcely give her attention to anything, not even to the
+Faulkners, far less to what Marian was observing from time to time about
+Lionel's eyes.
+
+Now that John and Gerald were away, Lionel was deprived of his wonted
+companions: Elliot did not patronize him, and was besides too busy about
+the races to occasion on his own account any home sports in which Lionel
+might have taken a share, so that there was no companionship for him
+excepting with the young ladies. Caroline's and Clara's time was a great
+deal taken up with the Faulkners, and Marian and Lionel were thus left
+out by all and almost obliged to make a coalition.
+
+Lionel haunted the drawing-room in the morning, either talking in the
+half-rhodomontade, half-in-earnest fashion of boys of sixteen, or
+listening if there was any reading aloud going forward. Clara's readings
+with Marian and Caroline had well-nigh fallen to the ground now, and
+Caroline almost always spent the morning in her own room, but Marian now
+and then caught Clara and managed to get her to do something rational.
+More often, however, the reading was on Marian's part to Lionel; he
+liked to hear her read scraps of any book she might have in hand, and
+she was very merciful to him in the selection, not being by any means
+too wise. She read him likewise the new numbers of the periodical tales,
+as well as the particulars of the rowing matches and cricket matches,
+overcoming for his sake her dislike to touching Elliot's sporting
+newspaper. Indeed she had not so forgotten her cricket as not to be very
+much interested, to enter into all his notes and comments, and to be as
+anxious for the success of Eton as he was himself, so that if she had
+been called to give an account of her whole morning's work for three
+days, she could have said nothing of it but that she had been studying
+the matches at Lord's.
+
+In the afternoon, if Marian could escape from the drive in the carriage,
+they walked or rode together, the latter when it was not too bright a
+day, for Lionel avoided the sunshine like an owl; and when in their
+walks a sunny field, or piece of down had to be passed, he drew his hat
+down and came under the shelter of Marian's parasol, as if he fairly
+dreaded the glare. He was very apt too not to recognise people whom they
+met, and now and then made such strange mistakes about small objects
+near at hand, that though they were laughed at just at the moment,
+Marian thought them fearful signs when she recollected them afterwards,
+in that half-waking half-sleeping time when she had learnt to entertain
+herself with anxieties. Chess or backgammon was the great resource in
+the evening, when there was no dining out, and no grand dinner party,
+and the number of games Marian played with him were beyond all
+reckoning. He played, she thought, more by the touch than the eye, often
+feeling the head of a piece to satisfy himself whether it had the king's
+crown or the queen's round head, the bishop's mitre or the knight's
+ears, but he was so quick and ready that it was impossible to tell how
+far the defect of sight went, and she could not bear to ask or awaken
+his fears.
+
+She did not think he had any; she did not believe that he had ever seen
+quite as well as other people, and therefore trusted to sight less than
+most; and his eyes had been so often ailing, and then better, that he
+was not likely to take alarm now. If he had, she believed he would have
+told her, for he was very confidential with her, and she often thought
+it a great pity that no one else had thought it worth while to enter
+into him enough to find out what a right-thinking, sensible boy he was,
+and how affectionate he would be if they would only let him. One day,
+when they had been taking a long ride together, he began talking about
+his intentions for the future. It arose out of some observation about
+the value of a tree in a new and an old country. Marian had been
+lamenting that no modern houses were ever built with the beautiful
+patterns of dark timbers, as we see them in old farm-houses; and Lionel
+answering that so much wood could never be afforded in England now.
+
+"No, you must go to a primeval forest for that," said Marian; "and very
+stupid it is of the people in the colonies to build houses as bad or
+worse than ours, when they have all the materials for nothing."
+
+"Well, I will build a famous house when I emigrate," said Lionel; "a
+regular model of an old English farm-house it shall be,--stout, and
+strong, and handsome,--just to put the people in mind that they do
+belong to an old country, after all."
+
+"When you emigrate, Lionel?"
+
+"Yes, I really have a great mind to do so, seriously, Marian," and he
+rode nearer to her. "I do think it would be the best thing I could do.
+Don't you think so?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, considering, while his eager face was
+turned towards her.
+
+"You see," Lionel continued, "we must all do something for ourselves;
+and I am sure my eyes will never be fit for study. To be a clergyman is
+out of the question for me, even if I was good enough; and so is the
+law--"
+
+"Yes, yes, certainly."
+
+"Well, then, there is only the army, and there one can't get on without
+money. Now you know Elliot has been a monstrous expense to my father of
+late, and the times have grown so bad, and everything altogether has
+gone wrong; so that I think the only thing for it would be for me to go
+off to some new part of the world, where, when I once had a start, my
+own head and hands would maintain me,--no thanks to anybody."
+
+"I dare say it would," said Marian, rather sadly, "I am sure these are
+right grounds, Lionel; but it is a terrible severing of all home ties."
+
+"O, but I should come back again. I should be an Englishman still, and
+come back when I had made my fortune."
+
+"O, Lionel, don't be in a hurry to make a fortune; that spoils every
+one."
+
+"No, no, I am not going to grasp and grub for money; I hate that. Only
+if the fortune comes, one does not know how, with cattle, or horses, or
+lands--O, Marian, think of being an Australian stockman, riding after
+those famous jockeys of wild bulls--hurra!" Lionel rose in his stirrups,
+and flourished his whip round his head, so as greatly to amaze his
+steed. "There is a life to lead in a great place bigger than all Europe,
+instead of being stifled up in this little bit of a poky England, every
+profession choke full of people!"
+
+"Well done, Lionel, you do want a field indeed!"
+
+"So I do. I hate to be fenced up, and in, every way. I should like to
+break out in some fresh place, and feel I had all the world before me!
+Then I'll tell you what, Marian," and he spoke with infinite relish,
+"suppose matters got a little worse here, and they were all of them
+really in distress!"
+
+"O Lionel!"
+
+"Well, but listen. Then I should like to come home with all this fortune
+that I had made somehow, and get them all on their legs again; buy back
+the estate, perhaps, and give it to papa again; and then--and then"--his
+voice quivered a little, and his eyes winked, as if the sun had dazzled
+them--"see if mamma would not think me worth something, after all!"
+
+This was the only time Lionel had ever said a word to show that he was
+conscious of his mother's disregard of him; and the feeling it called up
+made Marian's heart so full that she could not reply. But he wanted no
+answer, and went on. "Would not that be worth living for, Marian? But,
+after all, that is all nonsense," he added, with a sigh; "at least it is
+all a chance. But what I really think is, that I should do much better
+for myself and every one else, in one of the colonies; and I have a
+great mind to speak to my father about it. By the by, I wish Mr. Arundel
+would come here when he has finished his journey with Gerald; I should
+like to talk to him about the Cape. I rather fancy the Cape, because of
+the lions; and one might have a chance of a row now and then with the
+Caffres."
+
+Marian began telling all she could about the Cape, and from that time
+her _tête-à-têtes_ with Lionel were chiefly spent in discussions upon
+the comparative merits of the colonies. One thing Lionel was resolved
+on. "I will go somewhere where there is a Church within a tolerable
+distance,--say twenty miles; that is a short one for a colony, you know,
+Marian; for I know I am such a wild fellow, that I should very soon
+forget everything good, if I had not something to put me in mind of it.
+Or, by the by, Marian, what would be jolly would be to get Walter to go;
+I dare say he would, if it was some place where they were very badly off
+indeed, with plenty of natives, and all very savage."
+
+Marian understood quite well enough, to agree that it must be some place
+"very badly off indeed" to invite Walter, and Lionel greatly enjoyed the
+further arranging of plans for taking care of his intended chaplain,
+whom he meant to save from roughing it as much as possible. However,
+this might be regarded as a very aerial pinnacle of his castle, the
+first foundation of which was yet to be laid, by broaching the subject
+to his father. Lionel talked over the proposing it many times with his
+counsellor, and at length resolved upon it, with some slight hope that
+it might save his eyes from the suffering of another half year at Eton,
+which, as the holidays came nearer to an end, he began to dread.
+
+"You see, Marian," he said, "I do not like to give out, when I can help
+it, for they think it shirking, and there was a time when I did shirk;
+but a great many times last half, I was nearly mad with the aching and
+smarting of my eyes after I had been reading. And all I did was by bits
+now and then; for if I went on long the letters danced, and there was a
+mist between me and them."
+
+"I wish you would tell Mr. Lyddell; I am sure it is not fit to go on in
+such a way."
+
+"I have told Wells," answered Lionel.
+
+A pause--then Lionel said, "I believe papa is in the library; I'll go
+and speak to him about the emigration."
+
+Marian was very anxious to hear the result of the conference, but she
+could not find out anything just at first as she had to drive out with
+Mrs. Lyddell and Caroline to make calls. In the evening, over the game
+at chess, Lionel told her that his father said he should talk to his
+mother about it; and two days after he came to her in the hall, saying,
+"Come and take a turn in the plantation walk, Marian; 'tis nice and
+shady there, and I have something to tell you."
+
+The something was as follows: "Well, Marian, my father was very kind,
+paid something about its being a sensible notion, and that he would see
+about it."
+
+"But are you to go back to Eton?"
+
+"Yes, that must be; and I must scramble on as best I may. It will be
+better at first, after all this rest. It is something gained that the
+whole plan is not knocked on the head at once."
+
+"Then he gives his consent?"
+
+"Why, he says it will be time to think of it in a year or two, and I
+am too young as yet, which is true enough; only, I wish I was to be
+learning farming, instead of torturing my eyes with what will be no good
+out there. Then he said, as to giving up the army, I need not think that
+was necessary, because it was only that he did not want to have two
+sons in it, and now Johnny is otherwise disposed of; and, besides Mr.
+Faulkner had behaved in such a handsome way about Caroline's fortune.'
+
+"O!" said Marian.
+
+"Yes, I don't like that at all," said Lionel. "Johnny always was crazy
+to be a sailor, so he is all right, and that is not what I care for; but
+I don't want to be beholden to Mr. Faulkner. I had rather Caroline had
+her own money, and not that we should all profit by her making this
+grand marriage."
+
+"I should quite feel with you."
+
+"Marian, we have never talked that over; but I know you cannot bear the
+Faulkners."
+
+"What is the use of asking me, Lionel?"
+
+"O, I know you can't, as well as if you had said so; and I want to know
+how you could let Caroline go and do such a thing?"
+
+"I? How could I help it?" said Marian smiling, at the boy's assuming
+that she had power of which she was far from being conscious. "Besides,
+I thought you liked Mr. Faulkner; you, all of you, did nothing but
+praise him at Christmas."
+
+"I did at first, not at last," said Lionel. "Besides, liking a man to go
+out shooting with is not the same as liking him to marry one's sister."
+
+"By no means!" cried Marian, emphatically. "But what made you think ill
+of him?"
+
+"Things I heard him say to Elliot when we were out together."
+
+"Did Gerald hear them?" asked Marian, very anxiously, as she remembered
+what a hero Mr. Faulkner was in her brother's estimation.
+
+"No, I don't think he did. He certainly was not there the worst time of
+all,--the time that gave a meaning to all the rest. Don't you remember
+that day when Mr. Faulkner drove Elliot and me in his dog-cart to look
+at that horse at Salisbury? I am sure I never praised him after that
+day. He said what Elliot never would have said himself--never."
+
+"How?" Marian could not help asking, though she doubted the next moment
+whether it was wise to have done so.
+
+"Things about--about religion--the Bible," said Lionel, looking down and
+mumbling, as if it was with difficulty that he squeezed out the answer.
+"Now, you know, I have heard," he added, speaking more freely, "I have
+heard people make fun with a text or a name out of the Bible many a
+time; and though that is very bad of them, I think they don't mean much
+harm by it. Indeed, I have now and then done it myself, and should
+oftener, if I had not known how you hated it."
+
+"It is a very wrong thing," but I see what you mean,--that some people
+do it from want of thought."
+
+"Yes, just so; but that is a very different thing from almost quizzing
+the whole Bible,--at least talking as if it was an absurd thing to
+accept the whole of it, I do declare, Marian, he was worse when he began
+to praise it than he was before; for he talked of the Old Testament as
+if it was just like the Greek mythology, and then he compared it to
+Homer, and Æschylus, and the Koran. To be sure he did say it was
+better poetry and morality; but the idea of comparing it! I don't mean
+comparing as if it must be better, but as if it stood on the same
+ground."
+
+"And did Elliot listen to all this?" said Marian, thinking the poison
+must have been in rather too intellectual a form for Elliot.
+
+"He listened," said Lionel. "I don't think he would ever set up to say
+such things for himself; but I believe he rather liked hearing them
+said. I am quite sure this Faulkner will make him worse than he is
+already, for all this talk is a hundred times worse than going on in
+Elliot's way."
+
+"To be sure it is--a thousand times!"
+
+"But what I want to know is this, Marian? has Caroline got any notion
+of what sort of a man she has got? Because if she does it with her eyes
+open, it can't be helped; but if not, I think she ought to be warned;
+for I don't suppose the man is fool enough to talk in this way to her.
+Indeed, I think I heard him say that believing is all very well for
+women."
+
+"Why don't you tell her, then?"
+
+"That is the very thing I had on my mind all these holidays; but I know
+no one would ever listen to me. If Walter was here it would be a very
+different thing, for he is worth attending to, and Caroline knows that;
+though she thinks I have no sense at all but for mischief."
+
+"She could not think so, if she heard you speak as you do now."
+
+"Then there is another thing, Marian, and what makes it quite--at least
+very nearly out of the question; I don't believe they in the least
+reckoned on my hearing all this. You know the man is very good-natured;
+well, he took me up to go instead of his servant, and I was sitting
+back to back with them. I sometimes think my bad eyes have made my ears
+sharper, for I know I often hear when other people don't; and so I
+should not expect they supposed in the least that I was attending,
+though I did not miss a word, for I could not help hearing. Now, you
+see, I could not possibly go and betray him; and if you were not the
+safest person in the world, I would never have told you: only, if
+somebody could just give Caroline a hint that she is going to marry an
+infidel, it would be a pleasant thing."
+
+"A pleasant thing!" repeated Marian. Then she paused, considering, and
+Lionel waited patiently while she did so, "I see," she said at last,
+"that you could hardly tell her of this conversation; and after all,
+Lionel, I believe we knew what was quite as bad of him from the first:
+this only proves it a little more fully."
+
+"Did you?"
+
+"Yes, Lord Marchmont told me something of it; and I mentioned it to
+Caroline before he came here at all."
+
+"O, that is right!" said Lionel, greatly relieved, "then it is no
+concern of mine; though what can possess Caroline, I can't think. Is it
+love, I wonder?"
+
+"I suppose so," said Marian, sighing.
+
+"Well, it is a queer thing," said the boy. "I should have thought
+Caroline was one to care about such matters more than I, but perhaps she
+means to convert him. So! I did think Caroline was good for something,
+but it is no affair of mine; and I shall be all the more glad to get off
+to New Zealand to be out of the sight of it all."
+
+"It is very sad indeed!" said Marian. "I am sure it will be nothing but
+wretchedness. Caroline can blind herself now, but that will not go on."
+
+"And why can't you speak to her, and stop her? She used to mind you.
+Does she come and talk about this man as if he was perfection?"
+
+"No," was the sorrowful reply. "She knew from the first my opinion of
+him, and we never have any talks now. We never have had one since she
+was first engaged."
+
+"Whew!" whistled Lionel. "Then she does mean to go and do it, and no
+mistake! Then I've done with her, and shan't think about her any more
+than I can help. If she won't be warned, she must Lave her own way, and
+may marry the Grand Turk, if she likes it better." He whistled again,
+proposed a ride, and went to order the horses; while Marian, walking
+slowly to the house to prepare, did not so much grieve for Caroline,
+for that was an old accustomed sorrow, as marvel at the manner in which
+Lionel had spoken, and wonder where he had learnt the right views and
+excellent sense he had displayed. Far was she from guessing the value of
+such a steady witness to the truth as she had been from the first hour
+when Lionel had perceived and maintained "that she had no humbug in
+her;" how her cares for her brother had borne fruit in him; how he
+learnt from her to reverence goodness, and cleave to the right; and
+how he looked up to her, because her words were few, and her deeds
+consistent. More right in theory, than steady in practice was Lionel;
+very unformed, left untrained by those whose duty it was to watch him;
+but the seeds had been sown, and be his future life what it might, it
+could not but bear the impress of the years she had spent in the same
+family.
+
+She knew nothing of all this; she only thought, as she watched his
+quick, bounding run, that he, the least regarded, was the flower of the
+flock, with principles as good as Walter's, and so much more manly and
+active. For Marian, with all her respect for Walter, could not help
+wishing, like the boys, that he had more life and spirit, and less
+timidity. A little mental courage would, she thought, have brought him
+to expostulate with Caroline, instead of keeping out of the way, and
+leaving her to her fate. Edmund would not have done so.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+  "It's hame, and it's hame, and it's hame."
+
+  Cunningham.
+
+
+Edmund and Gerald had promised to spend a few days at Oakworthy, before
+the one returned to Portsmouth and the other to Eton; but their plans
+were disconcerted by an event which, as Clara said, placed Marian in
+mourning in good earnest, namely, the death of her great aunt, old Mrs.
+Jessie Arundel, who had always lived at Torquay. For the last four or
+five years she had been almost imbecile, and so likely to die at any
+time, that, as it seemed for that very reason, every one took her death
+as a surprise when it really happened.
+
+Edmund thought it right that both he and Gerald should attend her
+funeral. Lord Marchmont, whose wife stood in the same relationship to
+her, met them in London, and they all went together to Torquay, instead
+of making the intended visit to Oakworthy. Gerald was obliged to return
+to Eton on the following day, without coming to Oakworthy; but, to make
+up for it, he wrote to his Writer from Torquay, and his letter ended
+thus,--"Now I have a capital bit of news for you. Old aunt Jessie has
+done what I shall venerate her for ever after--left every scrap of her
+property to Edmund, except a legacy or two to her servants, a picture of
+my father to me, and some queer old-fashioned jewels to you and Selina.
+The will was made just after I was born; so it was to make up to Edmund
+for my cutting him out of Fern Torr. You may suppose how Lord Marchmont
+and I shook hands with him. It is somewhere about £20,000; there is
+good news for you! He is executor, and has got to be here a day or two
+longer; but Lord Marchmont and I set off by the first train to-morrow. I
+shall look out for Lionel, tell him, in case he is too blind to see me.
+Can't you come with him to the station, and have one moment's talk?"
+
+This proved to be possible; and Marian, in the interval between the
+coming of the post and the setting off, had time, all the hurry of her
+dressing, to wonder if she ought to be very much rejoiced. She did not
+believe, that even wealth could spoil Edmund, but she did not think all
+this would be of much use to him. It did not give him a home, and in
+fact she thought it rather a creditable thing to be as poor as he had
+hitherto been. She had rather have heard of something to make him look
+less like Tressilian, than he had done the last time she had seen him.
+
+She had a pleasant drive with Lionel, who was very glad of any good luck
+befalling Mr. Arundel, and presently, after some meditation, broke out
+as follows:--"My eyes! what miles and miles it would buy in Australia"
+and then proceeded to talk all the rest of the way about Australian
+bulls.
+
+The meeting at the station was a bright one, though so short, as
+scarcely to be worth the journey, if the value of such moments were to
+be reckoned by their number. There was Lord Marchmont to be spoken to,
+as well as Gerald, which broke into the time. Gerald looked very happy
+and pleasant. He said Edmund was the best fellow in the world, and that
+he had been very happy--shot lots of things--he wished he could stop to
+tell about it. Then Marian hurried what she had to say, while Lionel was
+looking after his luggage. "Gerald, would you just try if you can do
+anything to spare Lionel's eyes? When you have the same things to do,
+could you not read to him, or something? they seem so much worse, and I
+am so afraid."
+
+"I'll try," said Gerald, "but I don't think I can do much, and he will
+never give in."
+
+The bell rang--Lionel ran up--she wished them good-bye, and drove home,
+happier than when last she parted there from Gerald, wondering what had
+happened in his journey with Edmund, and re-assured, by his free cordial
+tone. She took up a book and read all the way home.
+
+The next thing that was heard of Edmund was in a note to Mr. Lyddell,
+saying that he should come and spend one night at Oakworthy, on his way
+to Portsmouth; that he hoped to arrive about one o'clock, and that
+he should bring Marian her aunt's legacy of the jewels. This was
+communicated to her by Mrs. Lyddell, and she could not discover from
+whence he wrote; she supposed from London, unless he was still detained
+in Devonshire. She looked forward greatly to his coming, as there was
+so much to hear about Gerald; and she felt, as if she wanted something
+pleasant, very much indeed; for, now that Lionel was gone, she found
+what a companion, interest, and occupation he had been, and missed
+him very much. The constraint with all the others, except Clara,
+was wearisome: and Clara, though never ceasing to talk, and very
+affectionately, was anything but a companion, while poor Caroline kept
+more than ever aloof, and had a flightiness of spirits--a sort of
+gaiety of manner--which, to Marian, seemed to be assumed. This was more
+especially the case, after there was an idea of fixing the marriage for
+some time in the autumn, and arrangements were talked over. Marian began
+to have little doubt that she was secretly unhappy, and grew more and
+more tender in feeling towards her; while, by an effect of contraries,
+her manner became more frigid and severe, in proportion to the warmth
+within.
+
+Clara wondered a little what Mr. Arundel was coming for, and laughed and
+looked significant when Marian said she knew perfectly well; but Marian
+thought she knew so thoroughly as not to be in the least disconcerted,
+though Clara's glances were full upon her when he was announced. In he
+came, just at luncheon time; he shook hands with Marian with all his
+might, and one glance convinced her that he had not Tressilian's
+face--nay, that though the sun of Africa had left its traces, he was
+more like the Edmund of the olden time, than she had ever seen him since
+her father's death. There were a good many people at luncheon that day.
+Mr. Faulkner was there, and there were some visitors staying in the
+house. Edmund was a good way from her, and she could only hear his voice
+now and then in the buzz; but it was a very pleasant sound to hear, and
+when he laughed, it was his own natural, free, gay laugh, such as it
+used to be. She was sure he was very happy, and wondered if it was
+possible Aunt Jessie's fortune could have made him so, or whether it
+could all be the satisfaction of having set Gerald to rights.
+
+As they rose to leave the dining room, he came to her, saying, "Marian,
+can you have a walk with me?"
+
+"Oh, yes, I should like it of all things; I will be ready in one
+minute." And away she bounded, saying to Caroline, in the boldest and
+most innocent manner in the world, as if on purpose to show that she
+expected nothing, and would not be laughed at, that Edmund had asked her
+to walk with him. He waited for her in the hall, and they went out, she
+scarcely pausing till they were on the steps, to say, "Well, how did you
+get on with Gerald? I am sure you made him very happy."
+
+"We got on famously. He is a very nice fellow; he only wanted a little
+stimulus the right way. He is thoroughly open and candid, and I have no
+fear but that he will do very well."
+
+Marian could not speak for joy, and for gratitude to her cousin; and
+her heart throbbing with delight, she walked on, waiting for him to say
+something more on this most precious of all tidings. But when he spoke
+again, it was if he had done with the subject of Gerald. "Marian, I
+have something to tell you," He paused--she stood in suspense--he began
+again. "Marian, I am going to be married!"
+
+"O!" and the inquiring, joyful, wondering, confident tone of that O, is
+what nothing can ever convey. Her eyes were turned full on him with the
+same eager curiosity, the same certainty, that he could not do other
+than the best. He did not speak; but the half smile on his lip was a
+full though mute reply to her confidence, that she had only to hear, in
+order to rejoice with all her heart; and he held out a note directed to
+her, in Agnes' writing!
+
+Marian took it, but she was too wild, too delighted, too eager to look
+at him, and hear him, to be able to open it. "O Edmund!" was what she
+said now, and she caught hold of his hand for an ecstatic shake.
+
+"Yes, thank you, yes. I said I must tell you myself, Marian--my sister."
+
+"O, I never heard anything more delightful in my life," said Marian,
+with a sort of gasp, as soon as the overwhelming delight gave her
+breath. "O, Edmund, Edmund!"
+
+"You have not read her note yet."
+
+Marian tore it open, but there was scarcely any thing to read; it was
+only--
+
+  "Dearest Marian,--He will have a note to carry you,
+  but I can't say anything for bewilderment. I know he will
+  tell you all about it, so it is of no use my writing. Are
+  not you sorry he should have a wife so far from good enough
+  for him?
+
+  "Your affectionate and most amazed
+
+  "AGNES."
+
+Marian held it up to him, smiling. "But of course you have seen it?"
+
+"No, I have not; I suppose she thought I should not carry such
+nonsense."
+
+"Well, I am sure there is no other person in all the wide world that I
+could have thought good enough for you. Agnes! Agnes! O, Edmund, I wish
+there was any way of not being quite choked with gladness!"
+
+Edmund smiled, and perhaps he was "choked with gladness" beyond the
+power of speech; for the two cousins only proceeded to shake hands
+again. The next thing that was said was after an interval. "Marian, you
+remember our bargain six years ago? Have you grown so very fond of the
+Lyddells as to repent of it?"
+
+"O, Edmund, you have not thought of that?"
+
+"Have not we? It was one of the first things we did think of."
+
+"I don't think I can bear to hear of much more happiness," said Marian,
+in almost a crying voice. "I am so glad for you that I can't be glad for
+myself yet. I can't take it all in; it is too good to be true!"
+
+"Indeed it does seem so. But you agree? Agnes said I must make you agree
+first of all."
+
+"Don't I? Only I want to enjoy it for you,--it is so beyond everything!"
+
+"Well, wasn't I a wise man to say I would not miss the pleasure of
+telling you myself?"
+
+"Then do tell me; do let us be rational, if we can. Then you came here
+from Fern Torr?"
+
+"Yes. Did you not know that?"
+
+"No. I did not hear where you wrote from. How long were you there?"
+
+"I only went on Wednesday."
+
+"Then it was only one whole day! How much you must have had to settle!"
+
+"So much, that we settled scarcely anything."
+
+"Then you don't know when it is to be?"
+
+"No, and Mrs. Wortley talks of having time,--poor Mrs. Wortley, but I
+don't think I shall take her away far; I have some notion of looking out
+for some place close at hand."
+
+"Just what we settled long ago. But O! begin and tell me all,
+Edmund,--as much as you like to tell me, at least. I want to know how
+you first came to think of it." Then, as he smiled, she added, "I mean,
+how long you have been thinking of it."
+
+"If you mean how long with any hope, only since I knew of good aunt
+Jessie's consideration for me. How long it has been in my mind I cannot
+tell; certainly before I went to Africa. You see, Marian," he continued,
+as if he was apologising, "it was this which made me think it advisable
+for me to go, though, as I see now, it was not at all good for Gerald."
+
+"What,--you mean--I am not sure that I understand--"
+
+"Don't you see, Marian, feeling as I did, and knowing how out of
+the question it was for a penniless man like me, to think of
+marrying,--Agnes so young too, and I with everything to draw me to what
+had been my only home,--there was nothing to be done but to keep out
+of the way, to guard me against myself; and that was easier with seas
+between. I don't know whether I did right or not, but I hoped I did,
+because it cost me something; yet it was a forsaking of Gerald which
+might have done much harm, though I hope it has not, as it has turned
+out."
+
+"I see it all!" said Marian, resting there, because she had not a word
+with which to express her honour of his noble conduct.
+
+"You will forgive me now," he added, with a smile, "for what you thought
+my neglect of home."
+
+"I am only afraid I must often have given you a great deal of pain," she
+almost whispered.
+
+"Never, except when I thought it right to silence you. It was only too
+delightful to hear their very names. You might well tell me that she had
+grown prettier than ever."
+
+On talked and walked the cousins, over the downs, which had certainly
+never been trodden by happier people. At last they recollected that they
+must return, if they wished to be in time for the post, and retraced
+their steps, talking as eagerly as ever. As they were coming near the
+house, Marian said, "Does Gerald know?"
+
+"Not yet; I shall write to him to-morrow."
+
+"Is it to be a secret? Of course I should say nothing about it while you
+are here, but may I mention it afterwards?"
+
+"They said nothing about secrecy," said Edmund; "in fact I think
+attempting it, only results in making one look foolish. Yes, you are
+welcome to tell whom you please as soon as I am out of the way. I had
+rather the Lyddells know."
+
+"Very well; indeed, I don't think I can keep it to myself, it is too
+much joy."
+
+"Do you expect them to participate in your pleasure at making your
+escape from them?"
+
+"There is no one to miss me, except, perhaps, Lionel, a little, when his
+eyes are bad. Caroline would once have cared, but that is over now, poor
+thing! There never was a time when I should have been more glad to get
+away. O, Edmund, if you would do one thing to oblige me, it would be,
+to have your wedding the same day as Caroline's, that I might not be
+obliged to be at it."
+
+"At which?"
+
+"O, you know!"
+
+"Is it such a very bad affair?"
+
+"O, I am very much grieved about it. The man has no religion at all, you
+know; at least, if he has any, it is all natural religion,--anything but
+the truth."
+
+"Do you really mean that the family have accepted him, allowed this to
+go on, knowing such things of him?"
+
+"I don't know how far they see it. I don't think they allow it to
+themselves, and I don't think they would understand some of it; as, for
+instance, when I heard him talking the other day as if he assumed that
+Christianity was only a development of people's tendency to believe,--as
+fleeting as other forms of faith. It was not very broadly stated, and
+I don't think I should have seen it, if it had not chimed in with
+something I had read; and, besides, I knew what was in the man."
+
+"How do you know? Not from your own observation?"
+
+"O, no, no; I liked him at first. I could have liked him very much, if
+Lord Marchmont had not told me about him, and then I had the key to
+him."
+
+"And this poor Miss Lyddell?"
+
+"She knew what I did," said Marian, sadly. "But he is very
+agreeable,--at least he is thought so,--and they all admired him so
+much, and paid such court to him, that--Yet I did think better things of
+Caroline. Lionel is the only one who has found him out, and he thinks of
+it just as I do, O, Edmund, I am sure you would like Lionel."
+
+"How are his eyes?" asked Edmund, as they were coming under the portico,
+and could not talk of any of the more delicate subjects. "I thought
+Gerald gave a very bad account of them; indeed, I scarcely expected that
+he could have gone back to Eton."
+
+"I sometimes think," almost whispered Marian, "that it is not he, poor
+boy, whose eyes are the worst in the house; but Mrs. Lyddell's head has
+been so full of Johnny, and Caroline, and all she has to do, that she
+will not see anything amiss with Lionel."
+
+"He must be a boy of a great deal of resolution and principle, to have
+struggled on as he has clone, by Gerald's account. Ah! I meant to have
+told you about Gerald, but all our time is gone."
+
+"Never mind, we can talk of him in the evening. There is a corner of
+mine where I always get out of the way of the people, and where I
+have had many a nice talk with Walter, or Lionel, under cover of Miss
+Grimley's music. Now where do you like to write your letter? If you had
+not rather do it in your own room, there is a nice quiet place in
+the old school-room, where I write mine, when the drawing-room is
+uninhabitable."
+
+Edmund accepted the invitation, partly because he was just so shy of
+letting his own handwriting be seen in the address, that he meant to
+avail himself of Marian's cover. Just as Marian had finished a note, too
+joyous to have any sense in it, and containing a promise to write more
+sensibly to-morrow, had directed the cover, and told her cousin that
+he must wind up if he meant to catch the post, Clara opened the door,
+gazed, laughed, and was retiring in haste, when Marian, without a shade
+of the confusion Clara had hoped for, called her back. "Edmund came here
+to write a note," she said, "don't go away."
+
+Edmund made some demonstration about intruding, and wrote the
+conclusion, at which nothing but some interruption would have made him
+arrive, put it into the envelope, gave it face downwards to Marian,
+and departed. Now Mrs. Lyddell and Clara were both persuaded that Mr.
+Arundel had come for no other purpose than to propose to Marian; and
+they had been entertaining themselves during their drive with conversing
+on the subject; so that Clara was never more surprised and puzzled in
+her life than by seeing Marian stand there, smiling, and with beaming
+eyes, brighter than ever she had looked before, but without one particle
+of a blush,--white-faced as ever, only dancing first on one foot, then
+on the other, balancing her bonnet on one hand, and with the other
+holding the precious letter.
+
+"Well, Marian!"
+
+"Well!" Marian made a pirouette. "I must run and put this letter in the
+box." And so saying, away she ran down stairs, up again in a second;
+then meeting the astonished Clara at the head of the stairs, she took
+her round the waist, and fairly waltzed her to her own door, opened it,
+threw herself into a chair, exclaimed, "I beg your pardon, Clara; you'll
+think me mad, but I'll tell you all about it to-morrow."
+
+Fanny was present, so Clara could do nothing but stare; and lateness,
+and a dinner-party necessitating a hasty toilette, she retreated, while
+Marian contained her raptures as best she could, and meditated on the
+delightful life she was to lead with Agnes and Edmund, in some cottage
+on the borders of Fern Torr. O happiness, such as she had never
+known, which seemed to bring back as much of her home as could ever
+return,--which would be everything for Gerald! Every care gone, Edmund
+happy, Gerald satisfactory, her own exile at an end. Her head almost
+swain round with happiness, and she wanted to turn to the glass, to
+persuade herself that she could be the same Marian Arundel, wide awake,
+and yet so very, very happy.
+
+However, it was all future, as far as concerned herself; and that cares
+were in the world she was convinced, by her own pang at seeing Caroline,
+whom she overtook on her way down stairs. She had no disposition to
+whirl _her_ round; but there was a softened feeling, belonging perhaps
+to the fulness of her own joy, that made her, as she came up with her,
+put her arm round her, as she had now and then walked with her in former
+days. Caroline looked in her face, and drew the arm closer without
+speaking. Their faces had always been unlike, but the contrast was
+stronger than ever. Marian, with those pale, regular features, plain
+dark hair, black eyes and eyebrows, with her mourning dress, and yet
+with a radiant, irrepressible joy and buoyancy all round and about her;
+while Caroline, with her small pretty features, rosy colour, blue eyes,
+glossy curls, her pink dress and gold bracelets, was in general air very
+different, and in countenance how much more; for the eyes were restless,
+the smile came rather as if it was called, than as if it resided
+naturally on her lip,--the colour of her cheeks, though bright, looked
+fixed and feverish; and now and then, there was a quiver about the whole
+face. How different from the secure expression of happiness, now and
+then illuminated, as it were, with some sudden flash of secret joy,
+which sat on Marian's broad, serene brow.
+
+They entered the drawing-room together, and from that time Marian was
+outwardly her own stiff, distant self, till the promised time in the
+evening, when Edmund made his way to her in her corner, where he was
+greeted by a most sunny look. "Now for Gerald," said she.
+
+Edmund had a great deal to tell about Gerald. He thought him, on the
+whole, a very nice, amiable, right-minded boy, who only wanted more
+training and watching than Mr. Lyddell would or could give. He had,
+after a time, been brought to be entirely open and confiding; and this,
+for which Edmund seemed to be really grateful to him, and to admire him,
+was the great point, he had made Edmund a friend, instead of looking at
+him as a guardian,--found that he could sympathize, and had ended by
+trusting and consulting him. Marian, though wondering how the reserve
+had ever been, conquered, felt the relief of knowing that all was safe
+now, and was not hurt by his confiding in any one but herself. Edmund
+really thought it was safe. "I believe I know the worst of him now, poor
+fellow," he said, smiling, "and the worst is not much. He has been going
+on in a careless, thoughtless way, out of high spirits and imitation, a
+good deal, and the consciousness made him keep back from you; he owns
+that, and is very sorry."
+
+"Does he? dear Gerald!"
+
+"He seemed to feel deeply that he had neglected you; but he said, and
+very truly, how much there had been against him,--no one, as he said, to
+make him mind; and the fellows would have laughed at him, if they had
+found out that he attended to his sister."
+
+"Ah! Johnny sowed that mischief long ago!"
+
+"I hope it is not weakness. I do not think it is; for there was
+manliness in confessing all, and he seemed to feel the folly strongly."
+
+"Did he tell you about the debts?"
+
+"Yes, and of his own accord. They are nothing in themselves; but he has
+been allowed too much money, has had little warning, and his title was
+against him too. So if we can break off the habit of extravagance, there
+is no great harm done. After all, you know, he is very young, and
+there is plenty of time to form his character. I am sure he has good
+dispositions of every kind, and if he has but resolution, he will be
+sure to do well,"
+
+"I think there is resolution in his temper. Nothing shakes him when his
+mind is once made up."
+
+So Marian was very well satisfied on the whole about her brother, and
+she might justly be so by Edmund's account. There was nothing to disturb
+her happiness, and she only doubted whether she should be able to sleep
+for it. Her brother restored, as well as everything else!
+
+When bed-time came, Mrs. Lyddell looked at her, as if expecting
+something more to be said than "good night," but nothing came,--nothing
+but the dancing light in the eyes. Clara followed her to the room, and
+stood gazing at her. "Why, Marian," at last she said, "can't you tell me
+anything about it?"
+
+"No; not till to-morrow."
+
+"O, that is too bad, Marian, when you heard all I had to tell directly."
+
+"I can't help it; I am not at liberty to tell other people's affairs."
+
+"Don't look so grand, Marian, pray. I am sure I thought this was your
+own."
+
+"So it is in a way."
+
+"In a way? Why, Marian, what an extraordinary girl you are! not your own
+affair! Well, if you are impenetrable, I can't help it; but it is not
+kind, when we all want to congratulate you."
+
+"Stop, stop, Clara!" exclaimed Marian, and now she did blush, "will you
+be satisfied if I tell you that it is not what you suppose? You shall
+hear what it is to-morrow, and then you will see what nonsense you have
+been talking."
+
+"What?" cried Clara, "you are not--"
+
+"Don't say it, pray don't! Never was any one further from it. Now do
+go to bed, Clara, for I cannot tell you a word more, and keep your
+curiosity at rest for to-night."
+
+Marian took care not to be caught alone by Clara before breakfast the
+next morning, and almost immediately after breakfast, Edmund departed.
+Marian had been out into the hall with him to exchange some last words,
+and Mrs. Lyddell, meantime, was observing to Caroline that she never
+knew anything so strange; she thought it was due to herself, however
+unpleasant it might be, to claim some confidence from Miss Arundel, on
+such matters, while living under her care. Marian came back, however,
+with her innocent look of delight,--a look so unlike the bashfulness of
+a damsel in love, that Mrs. Lyddell felt again doubtful; and before she
+could speak, Marian had turned to Clara and said, "Now I will tell you
+what makes me so happy. Edmund and Agnes Wortley are engaged, and I am
+to go and live with them."
+
+"Miss Wortley!" at once exclaimed Mrs. Lyddell and her daughters, in the
+extremity of surprise; and then Mrs. Lyddell and Clara asked all the
+usual questions in haste and eagerness, wondering within themselves most
+of all at Marian's full rejoicing, for till now they had never been
+able to see that Edmund was really to her only like an elder brother.
+Caroline scarcely spoke, only went on nervously with her work. At last,
+when some interruption had caused her mother and Clara to leave the
+room, she laid it down, looked at Marian for a moment or two, then said,
+in a trembling voice, "Dear Marian, I am glad you are so happy! I am
+glad you are to live with them!" then kissed her, and hastened away
+before she could answer or return the caress. Her handkerchief was
+raised as she closed the door. Marian sat and grieved, for well did she
+know all poor Caroline conveyed by that "I am glad you are to live with
+them." It meant that Caroline felt that she had given up the esteem and
+friendship in which they had lived,--that she thought her own home unfit
+for one brought from such a sphere as Fern Torr,--that she resigned all
+those plans for Clara's good, everything that had been valued between
+them,--that she looked not for happiness for herself, and though she
+had forfeited such affection as once had been hers, yet she still loved
+Marian. How could Marian rejoice so much, when such a fate was waiting
+for Caroline? Poor Caroline! she contrasted her feelings with those of
+Agnes, grieved again over her, and ended by blaming herself for all the
+coldness and severity of the last six weeks, requited as it was by so
+much kind, fond affection.
+
+Yet Caroline was weakly, wilfully doing wrong. How should she behave
+rightly towards her? O, why would nothing happen to save her, and break
+off this mockery of a marriage? But as of this there seemed little
+hope,--as the Faulkners were at Oakworthy more than ever, and Mrs.
+Lyddell was talking in good earnest of wedding clothes, and bridesmaids,
+it was a comfort to have these better hopes to occupy herself with.
+
+Especially did she enjoy the idea of Gerald's rejoicing, and it was very
+eagerly that she watched for his first letter of delight. It came as
+soon as heart could wish; but so mixed are joy and grief in this world,
+that even Gerald's letter could not convey unalloyed pleasure, but
+filled her with a fresh anxiety,--or more properly, strengthened and
+realized what had hitherto been but a vague terror.
+
+  "Eton, Sept. 14th.
+
+  "My dear Marian,--Never was anything better in this
+  world than Edmund's plans. I give him infinite credit for
+  them; and, as head of the family, he has my full consent.
+  I wish they would go and live at the Manor House
+  till I am of age,--that would be jolly! Lionel desires me
+  to tell you that it is all very well, except your going from
+  Oakworthy, and he shall go about the house like a mad
+  fury," (here followed his portrait in the character,) "if you
+  go before he is off after the blue wild beestes at the Cape.
+  His eyes are very bad, and I wish you would tell Mrs.
+  Lyddell about them; for I don't believe it is a bit of use
+  his staying here, and though I am very glad to help him,
+  doing all his work and my own too is more than I can stand.
+  It is much worse than last half; then he could see to read,
+  though it hurt him; now Greek or small print beats him entirely,
+  and he cannot look out a word in the Lexicon. He
+  does just manage to write, and he never forgets anything;
+  so another fellow and I have dragged him through, this
+  week. But it cannot go on so; and as he won't give up or
+  complain, I will have something done about it, or he will
+  blind himself outright before he has done. I cannot think
+  how it is my tutor has not found it out, but I suppose it is
+  that Lionel is so sharp, and has such a memory. Do speak
+  to Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+  "Your affectionate brother,
+
+  "E. GERALD ARUNDEL"
+
+Marian carried the letter at once to Mrs. Lyddell's dressing-room, but
+she found that Gerald had been mistaken in supposing the tutor had not
+observed Lionel's failing sight: for the same post had brought a letter
+from him, which had at length completely alarmed Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell,
+and the former was going at once to write to his son to meet him in
+London, where he intended to consult one of the first oculists.
+
+This was a great relief. Mr. Lyddell set off, and the party at home
+comforted themselves with predictions that all would soon be remedied;
+Marian and Clara agreeing that it would be very pleasant to have Lionel
+at home to walk with them, and to be nursed.
+
+Mr. Lyddell had been gone about two days; Caroline and Clara were at
+High Down, and Marian was returning from a solitary ramble in the park,
+enjoying her last letter from Agnes, when, as she crossed the lawn, she
+was startled by finding Lionel stretched on his face on the grass, just
+at the turn where some bushes concealed him from the windows. He lay
+flat, without his hat, his forehead resting on one arm; while with his
+hand he tore up daisies and grass, and threw them hastily over his
+shoulder, while his whole frame quivered in a convulsive agony of
+distress.
+
+"Lionel! Lionel! you come home? What is the matter?" exclaimed she.
+
+"Matter! matter enough, I think," said, or rather muttered Lionel;
+"There is an end of the Cape, or anything else."
+
+"How are your eyes?" asked Marian, in consternation.
+
+"Only I am blind for life!" answered Lionel; still hiding his face, and
+speaking in a sullen, defiant tone.
+
+Marian, dreadfully shocked, almost beyond all power of speaking or
+moving, could only drop down sitting on the grass beside him, and take
+his hand.
+
+"All neglect, too," he added; then vehemently, "I don't believe, no I
+don't, there is any pauper's son in the parish that would have been so
+used!"
+
+Her voice was low with fright: "But, Lionel, what has happened? Let me
+see you. Is it worse? can't you see?"
+
+"O yes, I can see now, after a fashion, at least, but that is soon to
+go, they say, and then--They have done it themselves, and they may have
+that satisfaction!" added he, with a fearful bitterness in his tone.
+"Elections, and parliament, and dinners, and that Faulkner,--that is
+what they have given my sight for." He withdrew his hand, and turned his
+shoulder from Marian, as if resolute not to be comforted; and again he
+shook with agony.
+
+"O, don't say such dreadful things, dear Lionel! O, if I could but do
+anything for you!" she cried, in a tone of heartfelt grief, which seemed
+to soften the poor boy a little; for he twisted round, so that his face,
+still pillowed on one arm, was half raised to her, and she could see
+how flushed it was, and that the eyelids were inflamed, though not
+with tears, and the eyes themselves had not altered from their former
+appearance.
+
+"'Tis not your fault," he said. "If my mother had cared for me one
+quarter--"
+
+"Don't blame anybody, pray!" interrupted Marian: "it only makes it
+worse. Only tell me all about it. Did the occulist say--"
+
+"Not to me," answered Lionel; "not the worst, at least. He examined my
+eyes very closely, and asked me all manner of questions about what I
+could see, and what I could not, and what things hurt them, and how long
+it had been going on, and how I had been using them. Then he told me
+that it was impossible for him to do anything for them as yet, till the
+disease had made more progress; that most likely I should quite lose my
+sight this winter, and then I must come to him again. So that was bad
+enough, but I could have made up my mind to that, and they sent me away.
+Then it seems that, after I was gone, he went on about it to papa, and
+told him that the mischief had been brewing time out of mind, and some
+time ago it might have been stopped; but all that straining of my eyes
+at Eton, last half, had done immense harm, and confirmed the disease;
+and it is of a kind that--that--there is no cure for!" He buried his
+face again.
+
+"Did Mr. Lyddell tell you this?"
+
+"No, he only told me we were to go home directly, and wrote to Gerald to
+send my things from Eton. He hardly spoke a word all the way,--only led
+me about, and poked me in and out of the carriage, as if I was
+blind already; it put me almost in a rage. Then as soon as we came
+home,--about half an hour ago, I should think,--he told it all straight
+out to my mother, did not mince matters, I assure you: indeed, I believe
+they both forgot I was there. They are apt to forget me, you know. He
+regularly stormed about the neglect, and told her it was all her fault;
+and while this was going on, I found I had heard the worst, and I did
+not want to be pitied, so I came out here. And so there is the whole
+story for you, Marian, and a pretty one it is! A fine sort of life I
+shall have instead--"
+
+"Well but, Lionel," cried Marian, eagerly, "are you sure that be said
+_for certain_ that it was hopeless? for it seems so odd that he should
+have told you one thing, and Mr. Lyddell another."
+
+"Pshaw! I suppose he had got some consideration, and did not want to
+knock me down with the worst at once."
+
+"I should think it was more comfortable to know the worst at once!" said
+Marian, meditatively, "so as to be able to settle one's mind to it."
+
+"A pretty thing to settle one's mind to," said Lionel, "to know I must
+be a good-for-nothing, dependent wretch all my days! As well be a woman,
+or an idiot at once! There, I shall never see that tree green again; no,
+and spring--I have seen my last of that! and I may look my last at all
+your faces. Johnny I shall never see again."
+
+Ho was crying bitterly now,--almost choking with tears; and Marian's
+were flowing too. She was much distressed at the present moment; for
+though the weeping was likely to relieve him, she feared it might be
+doing harm to his eyes, and she did not know in the least whether it
+ought to be checked, or, indeed, how to check it. Grieved and in great
+consternation she was, in truth, for she was very fond of Lionel,
+and full of such strong sympathy and compassion, as to be perfectly
+incapable of expressing it, in the slightest degree. But he knew her;
+she had been the only person who had ever been uneasy about his
+sight, and this went for a great deal with him: so that, with all her
+undemonstrativeness, there was no one whom he could have liked so well
+to have near him in that moment of dire despair. "O, I am so sorry!"
+expressed infinitely more than the simple words.
+
+"You see, Marian," said he, raising himself, and struggling with the
+sobs of which he was ashamed, "I could bear it better if I had not had
+such a scheme for my life, and my father consenting too. Australia, and
+those wild cattle, and that glorious Bush life, always galloping in the
+plains; and now to be condemned to be moping about here, for ever, in
+darkness and helplessness. O, to think of the plans we have made, all
+come to an end for ever!" and again he was weeping violently.
+
+"They might have been stopped otherwise," said Marian, catching at any
+possible idea that might answer, or seem to console him; "you know you
+might have been ill, or met with an accident, and had a great deal to
+suffer."
+
+"I would suffer anything rather than lose my eyesight! You don't know
+what you are talking of."
+
+"Then just suppose this complaint had come on, in some lonely place out
+in the wilds, with no one to take care of you."
+
+"It would not, I should have had no Greek to put my eyes out."
+
+"And after all, dear Lionel, you know----;" there she was choked--"you
+know that--" and she was choked again--"you know where it comes from."
+
+"I know what you mean," he said; "and if it did--But it is my mother's
+neglect; there is the bitterness of it. Why, you and my father tried to
+stir her up to it in the spring, and she would not; and then, when for
+very shame she must attend, what does she do but let me go muddling on
+with that old woman Wells! She has regularly thrown my sight away, as
+much as if she had pulled my eyes out and thrown them over the hedge."
+
+"No one could ever have guessed--"
+
+"I tell you she might have guessed. Any other mother in the world would
+have been frightened years ago, long before I went to school. If it had
+been Elliot or Johnny, wouldn't she have had half the doctors in London?
+but what did she ever trouble her head about _me?_"
+
+"Now, Lionel, that must not be said. You know it is wrong, and I am sure
+you will see how sorry she is, and how it was really not having time."
+
+"I dare say she is sorry--I should hope so--now it is too late, and she
+has done it."
+
+"But why will you accuse any one?" said Marian, sorely perplexed, and
+secretly sharing all his indignation against Mrs. Lyddell. "You know it
+only embitters you and makes it all worse; and after all, even if man
+had actually done the mischief, it still would ultimately be sent from
+Heaven."
+
+"I don't see that that makes it any better," murmured Lionel.
+
+"O don't you, Lionel?" said she earnestly; "doesn't it make you sure it
+is for the best?"
+
+"I don't know what I have done to be so punished," went on Lionel to
+himself; "I have not always been good, but I have tried, and more
+lately, to do right; there are many much less steady than I, who--"
+
+"Yes, yes, Lionel, but perhaps it is not as good for them to be
+prosperous. Indeed, indeed I am quite sure, though I don't understand it
+all, or see the way, that if you will but bear it rightly, you will be
+glad, if not before, yet at least when you die, even of this terrible
+affliction."
+
+"I almost wish I was dying now!" said Lionel gloomily, "if I could but
+die the last day that I am to see the sky and everything, instead of
+droning on in the dark, a burthen to myself and every one else, for
+I don't know how long, forty, fifty, sixty years perhaps. You know,
+Marian, I am only sixteen--"
+
+There was a burst of tears again, and Marian felt herself an
+unsuccessful comforter, nor did she wonder at it, for she could not
+fancy that anything could relieve the sense of such a misfortune as poor
+Lionel's, except the really high source of consolation, and that as yet
+only by faith, which might make him take it on trust as the best in the
+end, though for the present he must feel all the misery. She had no time
+to answer him again, for the garden door opened, and at the sound he
+dashed away his tears, sprang to his feet, and assumed a firm, cold,
+would-be indifferent look, as Mrs. Lyddell came out and advanced towards
+them. Marian thought her looking flushed and agitated, and her voice
+certainly betrayed more emotion than had ever been shown in it, except
+when bidding Johnny farewell.
+
+"Lionel, my dear, sitting on the damp grass? You will certainly catch
+cold! I have been searching for you everywhere, but I am glad you were
+with Marian. I wanted to ask you, my dear, whether you would like to
+have your own room or Walter's," added she, wandering on as if anxious
+to say what was kindest, yet dreading to come to the subject nearest
+their hearts.
+
+"My own, thank you," bluntly answered Lionel, "I'll and unpack." He
+brushed hastily by her, and ran into the house up stairs, his roughness
+contrasting with her affectionate tone. She looked at Marian, and saw
+the trace of tears on her eyelids, and her own lip quivered while her
+eyes filled, and she said in a trembling voice, "Poor dear boy! has he
+been telling you? Does he know it all?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, anxiously, "but is it really so very bad? Is there
+no hope?"
+
+"No hope? Who said so?" exclaimed Mrs. Lyddell quickly.
+
+"He did," said Marian; "he said Mr. Lyddell told you so."
+
+"Was he there?" exclaimed she: "Ah! that was Mr. Lyddell's strong way of
+putting things! So unfortunate--forgetting all about him. Poor fellow! I
+must go to him directly, and tell him it was no such thing."
+
+"What? how? O do tell me!" cried Marian, turning and hurrying with her,
+and speaking with, such earnestness that Mrs. Lyddell could not doubt of
+her sympathy now. She slackened her pace, and explained that what the
+surgeon, had said was, that there was confirmed disease, and of a very
+serious character, but the precise nature could not be ascertained till
+it had made greater progress, and it was then possible that it might
+prove capable of removal.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was resolved that neither herself nor any one else should
+believe anything but what was most hopeful. She could not have borne
+it otherwise. She really was far from being indifferent to any of her
+children, though multiplicity of occupation, and thoughts, engaged on
+what she considered the welfare of the family, had prevented her
+from being properly attentive to all, and she was so accustomed to
+uninterrupted prosperity, as to have almost forgotten that there was
+such a thing as anxiety or misfortune. Lionel, neither the eldest nor
+the youngest, healthy, and independent, neither remarkable for beauty
+nor grace, just unruly enough to be provoking, and just steady enough to
+be no cause of anxiety, had been as much a cipher in the family as a One
+lively boy could be; but though slow to be roused into anxiety, she felt
+it with full force when it came, all the motherly affection, which while
+secure had appeared dormant, revived, she was dreadfully shocked, and
+would have been utterly overwhelmed by the accusation of neglect, had it
+not been for her sanguine spirit. In this temper she represented all to
+Marian in the most cheering light, and hastened up stairs to do the same
+to Lionel. Marian, relieved and hopeful, was waiting to collect some
+properties of hers, to carry to her room, when she met Mr. Lyddell. She
+went up to greet him, and thinking that he looked very mournful, there
+was more cordiality and fellow-feeling in her way of addressing him than
+ever there had been before, though she simply said "Good morning" and
+shook hands.
+
+"You have heard about it, Marian?" said he. "Has he been with you, poor
+fellow?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, "he is in his own room now."
+
+"Ah! you spoke long ago," said Mr. Lyddell; "I wish we had attended to
+you."
+
+"It was Edmund who remarked it," said she.
+
+"Ay, ay, and senseless it was not to attend. Then it seems that
+something might have been done, at any rate he would not have gone on
+injuring them with his work at Eton, but now it is as good as a lost
+case. Poor fellow!"
+
+"O!" exclaimed Marian, thrown back again, "I thought there was a hope
+that it might not prove to be the worst."
+
+"There is just a shade of chance that it may turn out otherwise, and
+that, your mother--Mrs. Lyddell I mean--takes hold of, but I have not
+the slightest hope. The surgeon said, it had all the appearance of a
+confirmed case, such as cannot be removed."
+
+Marian stood aghast, and Mr. Lyddell, with a sort of groan, most painful
+to hear, passed her, and shut himself into his study. The only thing she
+could think of doing, was to pour out her dismay and compassion in a
+letter to Gerald, and she repaired to the schoolroom for the purpose of
+writing, but she had not been there long, before Lionel came in, and sat
+down astride on the music-stool, just as he used to do, but with a very
+different expression of countenance from the wild, reckless spirit of
+merriment which used to possess him. He sat and meditated for a little
+while, then exclaimed, "Marian, whom have you seen since I left you?"
+
+"Nobody but Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell."
+
+"Did you hear papa say anything about it?"
+
+"Yes, a little."
+
+"Did he say what the doctor thought of it?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Tell me the very words," and he leant his elbows on the table, looking
+at her fixedly.
+
+"Ah! Lionel, can you bear it? They are so very sad."
+
+"Tell me them, I say."
+
+Marian looked down, as if she could not bear to meet his countenance,
+and faltered as she repeated them.
+
+"Ay!" said Lionel, springing up, and flinging himself round
+passionately, "I knew it was humbug all the time!"
+
+"What? How? O Lionel, what have I done?"
+
+"As if I was a fool or a baby, to be fed with false hopes," proceeded
+Lionel, sitting down, and hiding his face on his crossed arms on the
+table; "she might have let that alone, she has done me mischief enough
+already."
+
+"Lionel," said Marian, firmly and gravely, for she was really shocked at
+his tone, "you must not come to me, if it is to speak in such a manner
+of your mother."
+
+"Very well," said Lionel coldly, rising up to leave the room, then
+pausing just as his hand was on the door, "I thought _you_ did feel for
+me, Marian."
+
+"O Lionel, dear Lionel," and she sprang to him, to lead him back to his
+seat, but he still retained his hold of the lock and would not move;
+"you know"--her tears were flowing--"you know how I grieve for you; but
+if you are in trouble, that ought not to make you do wrong," He was
+turning the lock, and hardened his face, but Marian went on, "Don't go,
+Lionel, only hear me. Mrs. Lyddell is very unhappy about you, and I am
+sure you must see yourself, that if she blames herself for any want of
+care, her only comfort must be in hoping for the best, making the most
+of this little ray."
+
+"Then _you_ think there is a ray!" interrupted Lionel.
+
+"So far as that nothing is certain, but I am afraid it is so slight,
+that you had much better not trust to it, but settle your mind to bear
+whatever may come."
+
+"Very easy talking! If you had but to do it!" cried Lionel, impetuously
+wrenching the door open in spite of her gentle resistance, and running
+off determinately, leaving her, poor girl, in great despair, at having
+so completely failed either in comforting, softening, or bringing him to
+any kind of resigned feeling, having besides vexed him, made him think
+her unkind; and though this was unintentional, and might be better for
+him, just contradicted what his mother wished him to believe.
+
+Her distress was too great even for writing to Gerald, and she walked
+up and down, thinking what to do, longing to find him some better
+comforter, and offering up many a prayer for him, till at last she heard
+Caroline and Clara come home, and remembering that happen what might,
+she must dress for dinner, up she went, heavily and sorrowfully.
+
+As soon as she was dressed, she went to Clara's room, feeling that this
+would be but kind. Clara was not there, and she hesitated whether to go
+on to Caroline's, once her frequent resort. At that instant, however,
+both sisters came up together, and hastened to her. "O Marian Marian!"
+exclaimed Clara.
+
+"You know all about it, I suppose," said Caroline.
+
+"Yea, indeed I do."
+
+"Come in here," said Caroline opening her door; "I want to know about
+him, poor fellow, and how he bears it. Have you seen anything of him?"
+
+Marian told all she could, without betraying what was confidential, and
+did her best to soften Lionel's conduct, by which his sisters evidently
+had been disappointed, saying that he had scarcely chosen to speak
+to them. Marian explained what was on her mind, how she had, without
+intending it, flatly contradicted Mrs. Lyddell's cheering assurances,
+regretting it much, as injustice towards Mrs. Lyddell, but of this,
+Caroline thought little.
+
+"Mamma is always sanguine," she said, "and it was only her colouring
+that made Lionel think her account hopeful. It must be better for him,
+poor fellow, to know the truth, than to have his mind unsettled with
+vain hopes. O dear! O dear! how sad it is, and at his age too! It breaks
+one's heart to think of it."
+
+All coldness and distance had left Caroline's manner in speaking to
+Marian, and this was a great comfort, in the midst of their troubles.
+
+A very uncomfortable time it was, which thus commenced. Lionel was a
+good boy on the whole, with right principles, and some seriousness of
+mind, but he was far too undisciplined to meet patiently such a trial
+as this. He had pride, and a high spirit, and this made him assume a
+bearing, which was a good deal admired in the family, trying to carry
+it off with a high hand, never openly uttering a word of complaint, and
+seeming as if he would rather die than directly express the miserable
+despairing feelings within, though, poor boy, he little knew how
+evidently they showed themselves in his gloomy silence, his outbreaks of
+temper, and his almost desperate, defiant spirit of independence.
+
+His father and mother, not understanding him in the least, managed, in
+the revulsion of feeling which made him now the first object in the
+family, to try his temper perpetually. He had in former times, missed
+their demonstrations of affection, though healthy, high-spirited, and by
+no means sentimental, the craving had been only occasional, he had done
+very well without them, and had gained habits of freedom incompatible
+with being petted. He had never been used to be interfered with, and
+could not understand it at all; and that remembrance of past neglect
+embittered all his feelings.
+
+Mr. Lyddell had just found out, as Marian had thought long ago, that
+Lionel was the flower of his flock, the one of his sons, who alone
+united spirit and steadiness, for the emigration scheme had shown a
+degree of sense, enterprise, and consideration which had at the time
+pleased and surprised him, and now added much to his sense of the
+promise lost. He laid all the blame of the neglect on his wife, but he
+did not lament it the less keenly. His extreme kindness and solicitude
+for the boy, were, to those who compared them with his general
+character, quite affecting, but unluckily they displayed themselves is a
+way which harassed Lionel very much, for he treated him as if he fancied
+him completely blind already, cautioned him, guided him, and looked
+anxious, if he did but walk across the garden alone; whilst Lionel,
+who could see quite well enough for all ordinary purposes, was teased,
+reminded of his troubles, and vexed above measure by having notice
+attracted to his defect of sight.
+
+In the main, however, he owned that his father was kind, and sorry for
+him, though each particular instance annoyed him; but it was much worse
+with his mother, for her petting was more minute, more constant, and
+such as would have been worrying to any boy in full health, even if it
+had not, as in poor Lionel's case, been connected with the dark future,
+and with a past, which had sadly soured him against her. He was always
+rough and morose with her, rebelling against her care, never wakening
+into affection, or showing pleasure in what she proposed, though she
+continued to press on him her attention, with uunwearied assiduity.
+
+His sisters were treated much in the same manner; Clara made him cross
+with over care, and Caroline, though showing better judgment, and much
+real tact and affection, was also kept at a distance, and often harshly
+answered. Marian too, was quite sufficiently like a sister to come
+in for many an unreasonable fit of rudeness, and temper when it was
+perfectly impossible to find any means of pleasing him.
+
+Indeed such unoccupied days as his were in themselves a trial of good
+humour. Idleness was very pleasant in the holidays, but his was too
+active a spirit to bear it for long together, especially when it left
+room for such anticipations as those for which his hopes of a Bush life
+were exchanged, Yet he treated offers of reading to him as insults, and
+far less would he endure to learn any occupation that might serve him
+when his sight should be quite gone; he professed to hate music, and
+lounged about disconsolately in the house or garden. Now and then, if
+he found the young ladies reading on their own account, he would be
+beguiled into listening and being amused, and their ingenuity was often
+exercised in appearing to be doing it naturally, and he sometimes took
+part in conversation, and thus had his attention withdrawn from his
+misfortune; but it was not often that his moodiness of manner could be
+charmed away, unless strangers were present, when he thought it a point
+of honour to seem at his ease and merry.
+
+After luncheon, he liked best to ride, but against this, Mr. and Mrs.
+Lyddell set their faces, persuaded that it must be very dangerous. This,
+Lionel thought the height of unkindness; he could ride just as safely
+as in the holidays; and it was too cruel to make him give up the one
+pleasure he best liked, while he was still able to enjoy it, and though
+not sufficiently familiar with them to attempt any remonstrance, he
+became doubly discontented and sullen. He would not walk with the girls,
+but wandered far away over the downs by himself, often not coming back
+till very late, and till both his parents had been in some alarm. At
+last, after about a week, Marian ventured to expostulate; she prevailed,
+and he was allowed to resume his rides, under a restriction that it must
+never be alone. Now, taking a servant with him was an avowal of his
+misfortune which he never would endure; so Marian, who never in her life
+was afraid of what any horse could do, became his companion, and rode
+out with him a good deal, feeling him indeed a charge, but not nearly so
+heavy a one as her cousins fancied.
+
+Still, though not afraid of accidents to him or to herself, these rides
+were almost a subject of dread to Marian, daily as was their occurrence,
+for it was then that poor Lionel made up for the reserve he exercised
+with all the rest. If she could have done him any good, it would have
+been a different thing, but surely, the world did not contain, as she
+thought, a worse comforter than herself; for day after day, answer
+as she would, came the same sad strain of regrets, and laments over
+vanished plans, repelling every attempt at leading him to resignation,
+and only varied by the different moods in which he would sometimes look
+on his case as hopeless, and sometimes be angry with her for assuming
+that it was so. Still worse were the complaints of his parents, in
+which he would indulge after each fresh provocation, or rather, what he
+thought so, though she never gave him the least encouragement to talk
+in this manner, argued for them, and often blamed him; yet do what she
+would, he never was convinced. The same battle on some other ground was
+sure to recur, often the next day, and Marian, right as she knew she
+was, never felt as if she had the victory; for five times out of six, it
+was in a surly, impatient manner that he turned away from her, as they
+dismounted. She often wondered whether she ought to let him go on thus,
+whether it was right in her, if it did him harm, by confirming all his
+unpleasant feelings, or whether it might not be worse for him to let
+them rankle in his heart instead of pouring them out. It seemed too
+unkind to silence him, when he fancied such talk a comfort, and she was
+the only person in his confidence, yet what was right? what was good for
+him? Her head ached with the self debate; she felt positively worn and
+depressed, with the continued useless, harassing conversations; she knew
+he was beyond her management, yet, with all her doubts, she was too
+tender-hearted to vex him; she let him go on and only combated each
+point, instead of refusing to listen.
+
+Why would not Walter come home, the only true comforter Lionel was
+likely to find, whom he really respected and loved? Walter was by this
+time ordained, yet he did not propose coming home; indeed Marian had
+not even heard whether he had written, and she was inclined to think he
+could not have been informed of the state of things at home.
+
+At length, when Lionel had been at home nearly a month, there came one
+morning a letter directed to him. His mother and Clara both offered to
+read it for him, but he gruffly refused, glanced it over, and put it in
+his pocket. He loitered through the morning, and rode with Marian in the
+afternoon. As they happened to meet with some entertaining subject of
+conversation, the ride was more cheerful than usual, and she hoped she
+had escaped the ordinary discussion; but when he helped her to dismount
+under the portico, he said, "Don't go in just yet. Come and take a turn
+in the plantations."
+
+Her heart sank at the task that was coming, but she would not disappoint
+him, and gathering up her habit, she followed his quick steps. As soon
+as they were out of sight of the house, he produced the letter, saying,
+"Here, read me this."
+
+"O! I was in hopes that you could."
+
+"I thought I could at first, but it was only 'my dear Lionel,' that I
+could read. It was all haze after that. There is a step In these three
+weeks," he added in a voice meant to be manly and careless. "Come, let
+us hear. 'Tis from Walter, is not it?"
+
+The letter had been written on first receiving intelligence of Lionel's
+condition, which had been communicated by his father when he had to
+write about something else. Marian, as she read, rejoiced in the letter,
+it was so exactly what she wanted to have said, and yet never could
+venture on, about regarding the affliction as a cross, and bending to
+bear it patiently. She had often felt that here was the best relief, but
+she had never dared to set it openly before Lionel, fearing that her
+awkwardness, and his waywardness, might lead to his saying something
+scornful, which would be worse than all. Here it was put before him in
+just the right way, and one to which he must attend, and she watched
+eagerly for some token of the way in which he took it.
+
+He made no remark, however, seeming to hear it as a matter of course
+that Walter would say something of the kind. After asking if she was
+certain she had read all, and pointing to a few crossed lines at the
+head of the first page, to make sure that she had not missed them, he
+only said, "Then there is not a word about coming. Well, I do think he
+might come when he knows that after this time I shall never be able to
+see him."
+
+"I don't suppose he thinks of that," said Marian--"I mean perhaps
+he would not think of your caring for the mere _sight_ of him as a
+pleasure."
+
+"He does not know then," said Lionel, "I am trying to learn all your
+faces, and I don't think I shall forget them."
+
+"I am sure if he guessed you wished for him he would come that instant."
+
+"I am not going to ask him," said Lionel proudly.
+
+"What, I really think, is the reason of his stayin away," said Marian,
+hesitating, "is about Mr. Faulkner. I think more especially now he is a
+Clergyman, he will not have anything to do with him."
+
+"Ay, ay," said Lionel, "that is a reason good for something. I only
+should like to do the same, except that if I was Walter I would have
+done more long ago, instead of just keeping out of the way, and told
+Caroline it was a regular shame, and she ought not to be taken in with
+his fine speeches, and balls, and stuff."
+
+"I don't know--" said Marian.
+
+"What don't you know?"
+
+"How far even Walter would be authorised to interfere about what Mr. and
+Mrs. Lyddell approve."
+
+"Don't talk nonsense, Marian. If a thing is right, it is right, if it is
+wrong, it's wrong, and all the world ought to try to prevent it. I know
+I would, if anybody would mind me, for it makes me sick to see that man
+come into the room, and the fuss mamma makes with him. I think he grows
+worse. I declare I'd as soon see her marry Julian the Apostate! I am so
+glad he is gone to those races. I should like to ask Caroline what sort
+of happiness she expects with a man that talks of the Bible as if it was
+no better than the Iliad! I only wish he would talk so to her, perhaps
+that would shock her."
+
+"I don't think she is very happy," said Marian.
+
+"I am sure she ought not to be," was the answer.
+
+"The more talk there has been of fixing the day the more unhappy she has
+looked," said Marian. "You know she has begged the Faulkners to let it
+be put off a little longer, because she could not bear that it should be
+while you are in this doubtful state."
+
+"I did not know it," said Lionel, "and much good does it do me! A nice
+life I shall have with no one but Clara to speak to! And when is your
+marriage, Marian? Mr. Arundel's, I mean, for that is as bad."
+
+"O that will not be till next summer," said Marian: "Mrs. Wortley wishes
+Agnes to be twenty-one first, and Edmund has to build a house."
+
+And Marian was ready to forgive them for the delay when she saw how
+glad it made Lionel look. Yes, rejoiced as she must be to escape from
+Oakworthy, she could not go without a chequered feeling. If she was
+adroit at managing people, she would make Clara take the place she held
+now with Lionel, which would be good for both, but she was far too
+clumsy to bring that about; and O! what a refuge Fern Torr would be
+after all this harassing life! It would be better for Lionel not to have
+her to divert his confidence from his own family, and at any rate she
+should be there to help him through this sad autumn of uncertainty. Then
+would come the peace, rest, and guidance she had longed for all her
+life, in her own home, and that hope might well cheer her through life.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+  "The brass, by long attrition tried,
+  Placed by the purer metal's side,
+  Displays at length a dingy hue,
+  That proves its former claim untrue;
+  So time's discerning hand hath art
+  To set the good and ill apart."
+
+
+Lionel's affliction had certainly tended to lessen the gulf which the
+engagement with Mr. Faulkner had made between Caroline and Marian.
+Caroline was very anxious about her brother, and knowing that Marian had
+his confidence, was continually coming to her for reports of his state
+of mind and spirits, and with despairing questions as to what was likely
+to please him,--questions which Marian was quite unqualified to answer,
+and which were curious, since she had no tact, and Caroline had a great
+deal.
+
+Thus it came to pass, that nightly sittings by each other's bed-room
+fire were renewed, and long consultations took place, always at first
+about Lionel, but sometimes branching to things in general, even as in
+the olden time. Caroline was, however, very unlike what she had been a
+year ago, when as Marian full well remembered, they had first talked of
+Mr. Faulkner's visit. She was gayer in public, but her spirits were very
+low when alone with Marian; and now and then the conversation flagged,
+till she sat for full half an hour, her head on her hand, without a
+word. At first she would try to excuse such a reverie, by calling
+herself very tired; but as days went on, and it recurred, she smiled
+as she woke from it, and told Marian "it was such repose to be with a
+person who would let her be silent."
+
+There was much confidence in such silence. Marian began to grow even
+more sorry for her than at first, because it was impossible to continue
+to be angry; and tried in every way to show her kindness, becoming,
+unconsciously, much more demonstrative in affection than ever she had
+been before. On the day on which Lionel received the letter mentioned
+at the end of the last chapter, Caroline came into Marian's room at
+dressing-time; and after lingering about a little, she said, "Could
+Lionel read that letter to day?"
+
+Marian shook her head sadly.
+
+"He brought it to you, then?" sighed Caroline, "Ah! I saw who it came
+from."
+
+She looked wistfully at Marian, as if longing to hear something of the
+letter, though she would not ask; and Marian, though much touched, was
+determined against saying one word about it, however indifferent, as
+she felt that, without Lionel's consent, she ought to be as mute as the
+paper it was written upon. Caroline paused, then continued, "Do you
+think he will ask you to write his answer for him?"
+
+"No, I think not. You know he wrote a note to Gerald in one of my
+letters the other day. I dare say he will always be able to write; Mrs.
+Wortley has a blind friend who does."
+
+Caroline did not answer, but gazed at the fire for almost ten minutes.
+At last she said, "Poor Walter! I wonder what he is doing."
+
+"I am sure he must be making himself very useful," said Marian.
+
+"That is one thing we may be sure of," said Caroline, smiling
+mournfully. "Walter is excellent wherever he is; but O, Marian,"
+continued she, in a voice of inexpressible sadness, "who would have told
+me, a year ago, that all I should hear of Walter's ordination would be
+in the newspaper?"
+
+Marian could make no answer but some sound expressive of sorrow.
+
+"He has only written to me once since--since June!" proceeded Caroline,
+in the same utterly dejected tone.
+
+Then Walter had remonstrated, which was a great comfort to Marian, by
+restoring him to his place in her estimation. Still she maintained her
+expressive silence, and Caroline went on after another interval. "You
+and he have been consistent from the first, Marian."
+
+At that moment Fanny came in, and no more could be said, for Marian
+was obliged to dress for dinner in a hurry. She took an opportunity of
+saying to Lionel that evening, something about the pleasure it would
+give Caroline if he would tell her about his letter.
+
+"What! you have been telling her about it?" said he, in a tone of great
+vexation; "that is always the way with women--no trusting them!"
+
+"No, indeed, Lionel, I said not one word; but she saw it was Walter's
+writing."
+
+"And you went and told her I could not read it?"
+
+"If she asked me, what could I do but speak the truth?" said Marian
+gently; but he only made an impatient exclamation.
+
+"I gave not the least hint of what it was about," added Marian,
+pleadingly. "Of course I could not think of that, nor she either; but
+she looked as if she did so long for some news of Walter: she has not
+heard from him since the summer."
+
+"That is her own fault," said Lionel, in his surly voice.
+
+"That only makes it the worse for her. She is so much out of spirits,
+Lionel; and if you would only tell her that part about his schools and
+his lodging, I am sure she would be so much obliged to you."
+
+"I shan't do any such thing," was his reply; "I always keep my letters
+to myself, and I wish you would not talk about me."
+
+He turned sharply away, and crossed the room; but his temper was not
+improved by the consequences of his stumbling over a footstool which had
+been left full in the way, and in rather a dark place, where it would
+have been a trap for any one. He recovered in an instant without
+falling; so that it would not have signified if Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell
+had not both been startled. The former issued an edict that no
+stumbling-block should be left in the way, and the latter entered upon
+an investigation as to who had been the delinquent in the present case,
+so as to make a great deal of discussion of the very worst kind for
+Lionel.
+
+Thenceforth the evening was uncomfortable. Marian felt as if she
+was guilty of all, and was extremely provoked with herself for that
+blundering way of driving at her point, which made things worse when she
+most wanted to set them right. She had not comforted Caroline, and
+she had led poor Lionel to fancy his confidence betrayed, and himself
+discussed and--as he would call it--gossiped about. No wonder he looked
+as if she had been injuring him; yet, unjust as it was, she had only her
+own mal-adroitness to blame. A person of tact would have smoothed it all
+at once, instead of ruffling everything up.
+
+The tact Marian longed for is a natural talent; the consideration, the
+delicacy of feeling, that she really had, were a part of her sterling
+goodness, such as may be acquired by all; and her thorough truth,
+trustiness, kindness, and above all her single-mindedness, had a value,
+where she was really known, which weighed down, in the long run, all
+that was involuntarily against her in manner, and won her not only
+esteem, but such warm affection, such thorough reliance, as neither she
+herself, nor those who felt it could fathom. Tact is an excellent thing,
+but genuine love to our neighbour, seeking to show true kindness,
+delicacy, and consideration,--striving in fact to do as it would be done
+by,--is as much more precious, as a spiritual gift is than a natural
+quality.
+
+That very night, as Marian was sitting in her own room in her
+dressing-gown, pondering on these unfortunate blunders, there was a
+knock at her door, and in came Caroline. Sitting down by the fire, she
+held out a letter on two or three sheets of closely written notepaper.
+"Read that, Marian," said she, turning her face straight, to the fire as
+she gave it.
+
+It was from Walter, and the date showed that it had been written,
+immediately on receiving the announcement of Caroline's engagement.
+It was grave, earnest, and affectionate; not accusing Mr. Faulkner of
+anything, not positively objecting to him, but reminding Caroline of the
+solemnity of the duties she was about to undertake, and of the extreme
+danger of allowing herself to be so attracted by agreeableness of
+manner, or led on by the opinion of those around her, as to forget that
+the connection she was about to form was to last for life, and that she
+must be responsible for the influence her husband would exercise on her
+life here, and therefore on her life hereafter. He said he was sure she
+could not enter lightly on such an engagement, and therefore trusted
+that her own mind was thoroughly convinced that she had chosen one
+who would be a guide, an aid, and a support in the path that all were
+treading.
+
+It was exactly Walter's way, as Marian well knew, to manage to say, in
+his simple, and as he thought, guarded manner of representing things,
+what to sharper people had very much the air of irony; and as she gave
+back the letter, her observation, as the first that would occur, was,
+"It is very like Walter."
+
+"Very," said Caroline.
+
+"Did you answer him?"
+
+"I wrote again, but--but"--her voice began to fail--"it was not an
+answer. I would not seem to understand him. I wrote a lively, careless
+sort of letter, and only said papa and mamma were delighted, or
+something of that kind. And O, Marian, Marian, he has never written to
+me again, and I have deserved it." She burst into tears.
+
+"But why don't you write now? He must be very anxious to hear of Lionel,
+and there is no one to tell him."
+
+"I cannot," she replied; "I cannot, while--while he thinks of me as he
+must--as he ought!" She wept bitterly, and Marian stood by perplexed and
+distressed. "Dear Caroline," was the utmost that she could say.
+
+"Marian!" cried Caroline, looking up for a moment, then hiding her face
+again--"I would give anything in the world that he had been at home last
+summer; or that you had slept at High Down that night."
+
+A flash of hope and joy came across Marian. "If you think so," she
+began, but Caroline cut her short. "I know what you mean, but that it?
+impossible, quite Impossible--decidedly so," she added, as if these
+assurances were to strengthen her own belief in its impossibility, and
+not arguing, from a consciousness that her friend would overthrow every
+one of her arguments. "I don't know what made me come to you, and tease
+you," said she, rising and taking her letter; "good night."
+
+"Tease me! O, Caroline, Caroline, you know--"
+
+What she knew was lost in a most affectionate embrace; but Caroline
+would not stay any longer, and left Marian as usual, regretting
+everything that had passed.
+
+The nest night, however, Caroline came again, as if there was some
+irresistible spell that drew her to Marian. It was Sunday, and Marian
+had long since observed that on such days Caroline was always most out
+of spirits. She sat down, and let a long time pass without talking; but
+at last she said, "Marian, it is very kind in you to let me come and sit
+here. You cannot--no--you will never know how wretched I am."
+
+"My dear, dear Caroline, if I could but do anything for you! but," she
+proceeded, gathering resolution from her day's reflections, "you are the
+only person who can do anything for yourself."
+
+"Impossible!" repeated Caroline.
+
+Marian was not exactly silenced, but involved in deep considerations
+as to the propriety of interfering, and whether attempting to persuade
+Caroline would be doing evil that good might come. Before she had made
+up her mind,--as, indeed, how could she in five minutes come to a
+conclusion to which hours of previous perplexity had failed to bring
+her?--Caroline spoke again, "If it had but never begun! but now it has,
+it must go on."
+
+"I don't know--"
+
+"It must, I tell you!" repeated Caroline. "If it had all to begin over
+again, it would be very different. O, if it was but this time last
+year!"
+
+"But Caroline, Caroline," repeated Marian, carried away by the thought
+that rose to her lips, "only think; you say now if it was this time last
+year--now, while you can escape. Shall not you say so all the more when
+it is really too late,--when you will wish you had drawn back now?"
+
+"You have no right to say I should wish, that!" said Caroline, offended.
+"You don't know what the love is that you are holding so cheaply."
+
+"I beg your pardon, Caroline," and Marian was thrown into herself again;
+but she thought a little longer, and seeing that Caroline was still
+waiting and musing, she ventured on saying, in a timid voice, "Somehow,
+I think, it would seem to me that the more affection there was, the more
+painful it would all be."
+
+"You are right there, Marian," exclaimed Caroline, in a voice of acute
+feeling.
+
+It was a strange question that Marian next asked abruptly, on an impulse
+sudden at the moment, though it was what she had long eagerly desired to
+know. "Do you love him after all?"
+
+Caroline did not seem vexed by the inquiry, but went on speaking rather
+as if she was examining herself as to the answer,--"Love him? I don't
+know; sometimes I think I do, sometimes I think not. It is not as
+people in books love, and--and it can't be as your Agnes must love Mr.
+Arundel."
+
+A most emphatic "O no!" escaped from Marian, she hardly knew how, as if
+it was profanation to compare Mr. Faulkner to Edmund; and perhaps the
+strongest proof that Caroline's was not a real attachment, was that she
+let it pass. "But then," pursued she warmly, "I am sure he is attached
+to me--yes, very much--and--well, and I am glad to see him come into the
+room; I like to walk with him. There is no one--no--no one in the whole
+world whom I like so well. All my doubts and fears go away at the first
+sound of his voice, and I am quite happy then. O, Marian, that surely is
+love?"
+
+"I don't know," said Marian; "I can't fancy love that has not begun with
+esteem, with looking up,"
+
+"I do look up!" said Caroline, eagerly. "He is so clever, so sensible,
+has such a mind."
+
+"I did not mean looking up intellectually,"
+
+"Ah! you can live in that way," said Caroline, quickly; "your own people
+are all of _that sort_. But you know I should never have had any one at
+all to love, if I had begun looking for _that kind of thing_, even at
+home."
+
+Too true, thought Marian, while she answered, "It is a different thing
+where you have to begin afresh, and take it voluntarily upon you."
+
+"Voluntarily!" repeated Caroline; "I am sure my will had very little
+to do with it. I found myself in the midst of it, without knowing how,
+before I had made up my mind one way or the other. O, Marian! if you had
+but been with me that morning."
+
+"Would that have prevented you?"
+
+"I do really believe it would. You would have looked as if you thought
+it so impossible, that I should have been strengthened up to do
+something they could not have taken for consent. I'll tell you all about
+it, Marian, from the beginning, and you will see how little free will I
+had in it, and how distracted I am now."
+
+Caroline went through the whole story, incoherently, and often only half
+expressing her sentiments, and passing over what Marian knew already.
+It seemed that she had been pleased with Mr. Faulkner's agreeableness,
+flattered by his attention, and entered upon the same sort of
+intercourse with him as with any other pleasant acquaintance. It would
+never have been her way, brought up as she had been, to shrink from him
+with such shuddering aversion as Marian did, simply from what she had
+heard of his opinions. He was so agreeable, that it was just as well
+quite to forget that, or only half to believe it. Then came the growing
+perceptions of his intentions towards her, and of her mother's triumph
+in them. But this was not till the archery arrangements were so far
+advanced, that she could not have drawn back from them; and she was,
+besides, in a whirl of gaiety and excitement that left little time for
+serious thought: that she put off till his offer should be made, if it
+was really coming. It came, and when she did not expect it. She knew
+not what to do she was too confused for consideration. The next day was
+bewilderment, and in the evening she found herself engaged. The new
+sensation given her by her lover's affection, her genuine admiration of
+his personal superiority, and wonder at herself for having attracted
+such a man,--her gratitude to his family for their kindness, the triumph
+of her parents,--all formed such a mixture of pleasurable, almost
+intoxicating feelings, as at first to giddy her, (or, as the French will
+express it, _l'ètourdir_,) as to what she had done, and what she
+was about to do. Marian's grave, still face, and omission of one
+congratulatory, even of one sympathetic word, were indeed witnesses; but
+the impression of her unaccommodating ways was then recent, and
+Caroline thought of her as one who showed goodness to be unpleasing and
+impracticable, and looked on her silent disapproval as part of that
+system of severity in which, she was consistent, but which her conduct
+only proved to be absurd and unreasonable.
+
+In the same spirit Caroline disregarded Walter's letter,--only a letter,
+which could therefore be laid aside, and which, in truth, did not say
+all he meant as forcibly or as well as it might have been said, since,
+as every one knew, Walter was more good than clever. A tenderness of
+feeling, reminding her that Walter loved her, would not let her destroy
+the letter, or be offended; but she intrenched herself in her parents'
+satisfaction, and being resolved not to attend to it, she would not seem
+to understand it. So time passed; at first she was really not exactly
+happy, but possessing what passed very well for happiness with herself
+and every one else; then came a time when an effort became necessary to
+persuade herself that she was so. It was not that Mr. Faulkner showed
+his character more openly, or startled her with any such plain
+expressions as had so much shocked Lionel; for he held that most subtle
+and perilous of all views partaking of unbelief,--that Christianity was
+the best and most beautiful form of religion yet promulgated, that it
+was all very well now for women and weak-minded people, and it was a
+step to some wonderful perfectibility, which was a sort of worship of an
+essence of beauty and intellect.
+
+He did not say such things to her, but they were the principles on which
+all his sentiments were founded: and as she knew him mire and more
+intimately, compared and discussed their tastes and likings, and the
+grounds on which they were formed, there were tokens, which could not
+help now and then showing themselves, of those opinions of which Marian
+had warned her.
+
+Very slow was she to admit the conviction, for she was growing much
+attached to him; and whenever he praised the beauty, the poetry, the
+morality, the majesty of anything belonging to religion, she caught at
+it and silenced all her doubts with it,--hoped she had silenced them for
+ever,--but the perception would return that it was only the beauty that
+he praised, because it was beauty, and struck him as such. Shade upon
+shade, imperceptible in itself, but each tint adding to its depth,
+the cloud of misgiving darkened, and though she tried to fight it
+off,--though she told herself it was too late,--though she was very
+angry with herself for it, there it still hung; and the ever-present
+consciousness of Marian's disapproval heightened it, till in impatient
+moods she began to dislike Marian, and wish her out of the house,
+
+Then came the news of Edmund Arundel's engagement, rousing Marian into
+such a glow of warm-hearted delight, as to waken Caroline to a complete
+sense of her power of affection, as well as of the contrast of the
+manner in which she regarded the prospects of her two friends. Caroline
+grew more unhappy, and strove both against her own growing wretchedness,
+and an almost magnetic attraction, which drew her to impart it all to
+Marian, in spite of the chill with which it would be first met, and of
+the advice which could never be taken; whilst a yearning, longing desire
+for the long-suspended intercourse with Walter, and a sense of his
+displeasure, formed no slight portion of her miserable feelings. The
+arrangements for her marriage she looked on as part of her destiny,--at
+any rate, they occupied her mind; and there would be an end, after that,
+of these dreadful and vain doubts.
+
+In the midst of all this, poor Lionel's threatened misfortune gave
+Caroline, as it were, a glimpse down a long dark road, where nothing had
+ever yet caused her to look; yet who could say whether it might not
+be her's to tread it? Affliction, sickness, sorrow, death, certain at
+last,--there was but one stay in them; and what if she should lose
+it,--if she was losing it already? I She thought of bearing them with
+_him_,--of the hollowness, the fallacy, the utter misery of trying to be
+sustained by aught that had not its foundations firmly fixed beyond the
+grave,--of not looking as sorrow as fatherly chastisement. (Caroline
+hardly yet entered into its still higher claim,) or at death as the gate
+of life. And O! if she loved him as her husband, what would it be to see
+him die, thinking, or even having thought, as he too surely did? All the
+train of fallacies about sincerity rather than forms of faith,--all the
+hopes that he might yet be brought to see the truth, and that she might
+be the means, were only soporifics for a moment, which failed to still
+the ever growing agony. She knew there was nothing in them, and that
+they were only extenuations; but still, amid all her unhappiness, there
+was a resolution to persevere, a want of moral courage which determined
+her to go on, and enter on such a life as this, rather than go through
+all that would ensue on an attempt to break off the match. Thus, though
+her reluctance was increasing, and she now sought to put off the
+decisive day, instead of precipitating it, as at first, all she
+attempted was to have the wedding deferred in consequence of her
+brother's condition; and though, logically taken, there was no great
+reason in the request, every one agreed it was a very amiable feeling,
+and so her desire was complied with. She would have avoided Marian more
+than ever, but this could hardly be, now that her cousin was in fuller
+sympathy, with all the family than she had ever been before; and little
+as was her immediate power with Lionel, Caroline would have given worlds
+even for that. Thus, as has been shown, the old sympathy grew up again;
+the root, blighted months ago, shot out once more, and at last accident
+and impulse led Caroline to do what she had little expected ever to have
+done,--to pour out all her griefs, cares, and doubts to Marian, knowing
+all the time what she would say, and resolved against her advice, yet
+irresistibly impelled to go on, as if talking would relieve her of her
+burthen, and resting on the solid, firm truth of that deep love, which
+manifested itself by few tokens indeed, but those were of extreme worth.
+
+The confession was a perplexity and a sorrow to Marian while it was
+being made, though she was very glad it had been done; and how intense
+were the affection and compassion for Caroline that filled her heart is
+beyond all power of narration. She answered with earnest sympathy, at
+each step helped out the broken words, and showed her comprehension of
+the pauses. She was a perfect listener in all but one respect; she
+would not give the counsel Caroline wanted; and she would not have been
+Marian, she would not have had her own reality and bracing severity, if
+she had. She could not cheer Caroline up, bid her banish fear, and look
+forward to happiness; she could not even tell her there was no help for
+it: she only said, "I don't know," and sat considering whenever Caroline
+reiterated that it was impossible, and too late.
+
+Some power those "I don't knows" had beyond eloquence; for when Caroline
+had seven times fully proved how entirely out of the question any
+attempt to escape from her destiny would be, she ended by asking, in
+quite a different tone, "What would you have me do?"
+
+The reply was, of course, "I don't know;" but this was immediately
+followed by a repetition of the former counsel, "Write to Walter."
+
+Caroline could not--would not; it would be of no use: poor Walter should
+not be tormented. If, in his strict sense of right, he chose to come and
+try, as he would think, to save her, there would be nothing but uproar
+and confusion in the family; and to think of him, with his timidity,
+bringing his father's anger on himself for her sake, seemed to her
+at the moment beyond all things dreadful. No, no, no, it was utterly
+impossible; and therewith the fire being out, and the clock striking
+two, Caroline thanked Marian for her kindness, said it was all of no
+use, kissed her, and bade her good night.
+
+Marian thought no good was done, and only made herself very unhappy at
+seeing her led, by weakness, to sacrifice herself against her better
+judgment. The next night, Caroline came again, and the conversation was
+resumed, or rather gone over again, with no more satisfactory result
+than before; and so it was the next, and the next. To be comforter and
+adviser sounds like a delightful privilege, and so, thought Marian, it
+would be, if one could only do it; but to have all the opportunity,--to
+have people coming for comfort, and not in the least be able to afford
+it, neither to relieve them, nor to be sure that she had not done them
+harm was to the highest degree painful and unsatisfactory. And from
+Lionel's repinings to Caroline's doubts, she went, suffering for each,
+equally unable to console either, and wondering which was the saddest
+case. Lionel's was, she thought, far the best, if he would but perceive
+it; but then Caroline's might yet be remedied, if she had but strength
+for one struggle. All that Marian could do without mistrust, was to pray
+for them both, and to pray that she might not be the means of doing them
+harm.
+
+She saw how wrong it would be in her, personally to interfere between
+Caroline and her parents' wishes; and it was this that made her adhere
+to that one piece of advice, that Walter should be written to, since on
+his judgment and sense of right there was the most absolute reliance;
+and, both as brother and Clergyman, he was by far the most proper person
+for Caroline to consult, or to act for her.
+
+For three days, however, it was all in vain, Caroline would not write;
+and she began to despair, and to grow angry with the feebleness that
+would not take one step in the right direction. On the fourth, Caroline,
+who the night before had seemed as averse as ever, showed her, as she
+crossed the hall on the way to luncheon, a letter directed to
+the Reverend Walter Lyddell. Her heart leapt, but as she smiled
+satisfaction, she saw Caroline's face so wan, dejected, and miserable,
+that she could not make herself too happy. There were other doubts, now
+that this point was gained, as to how Walter might be able to manage
+Caroline,--whether he would lead her to the right, or unconsciously turn
+her to the wrong, by his want of skilfulness; what might be his idea of
+her duty to her parents, or to her promise; whether he might think
+it right to take upon himself to advise, or whether either he or his
+sister, when it came to the point, would have nerve enough to excite
+their father's displeasure.
+
+The only thing Marian thought at all favourable, was that Elliot and Mr.
+Faulkner were both at Newmarket, and there was no present appearance of
+their coming home. Elliot was likely to make more opposition than any
+one else, and Mr. Faulkner's influence was of course to be dreaded.
+Indeed, had he been at hand, believing, as Caroline did, in his
+affection for her, it was most probable that she would never have spoken
+of her misgivings at all, and very possibly have hardly acknowledged
+them to herself.
+
+Caroline's letter had been written on Thursday. It was Monday, and no
+answer had come, which caused her to look more worn and dispirited than
+before, unable even to keep up the appearance of cheerfulness which she
+had hitherto assumed when with the rest of the family. It was a cold,
+gloomy, wintry day, with gusts of sleety rain, and no one chose to
+attempt going out, except Marian and Lionel, the former of whom was
+a systematic despiser of weather, and never was hurt by anything but
+staying in-doors, while the latter would rather have done anything than
+idle away a whole afternoon as well as a morning in the drawing-room.
+Even they thought it too bad for riding; so after making the circuit of
+the park, they went into the town, where Lionel wanted to buy a silk
+handkerchief. He had been told the day before that his neck-tie was
+growing unfit to be seen, he did not choose to ask any one to get one
+for him, and it was against his will that he was obliged to take Marian
+to secure him from buying "any thing awful," as he expressed it.
+
+The purchase prospered very well, Lionel hoped that the shopman had not
+found out how entirely he trusted to his companion for the choice, and
+was proud that his old precaution of substituting a key for a slider at
+the gold end of his purse, had saved him from making any mistakes about
+the money. They were walking away, arm in arm; it was not yet necessary
+to guide him, but Marian thought, beginning now would soften the first
+commencement of dependence. And, indeed, even in the holidays Lionel, in
+his first tail-coat, had been well-pleased to find himself man enough to
+have his arm taken by a young lady.
+
+A carriage was passing. "There is Walter!" joyfully exclaimed Marian, as
+she saw the well-known spectacled face peering from the window of one of
+the carriages from the Great Western Station.
+
+"Walter! what, come at last?" cried Lionel, looking up and frowning in
+that painful way that had become habitual to him when he strained his
+eyes to see distinctly. Walter had at the same moment spied them,
+stopped, thrown the door open, sprung out, and was shaking hands with
+them, but scarcely speaking. He turned again to order the driver to go
+on and set his things down at the house, and then joined his brother and
+cousin, looting very anxiously at Lionel, whose arm Marian had quitted,
+and still keeping silence. Marian on her side was very glad; but at the
+same time almost overcome by the thought of what this return home must
+be to Walter, and feeling a strange, solemn sensation at first meeting
+her cousin and companion, after he had become in an especial manner
+the servant of the Most High. He was Walter still, Walter with his
+near-sighted eyes, and nervous manner, yet he was so much more, and his
+clerical dress would not let her forget it for a moment.
+
+Lionel was the most unembarrassed of the three, he was very glad to
+meet his brother, and wishing to show that he could bear his troubles
+manfully, he spoke joyously, "So you have thought better of it and come
+at last, Walter; I hope it is for a good long time."
+
+"Only till Saturday," was Walter's answer.
+
+"Well, that is something, only I can't think why you did not come
+before."
+
+Walter murmured something about having been much occupied, and then
+seemed to be watching Lionel too intently to say any more. Marian
+thought the brothers would get on much better without her, and, coming
+to a cottage, said she wanted to speak to somebody in it. "O Marian, we
+will wait for you," said Walter, with a pleading look, and she saw from
+his agitated, fidgeting manner, that he was excessively nervous at the
+notion of being left to take care of Lionel back to the house.
+
+"Very well," she said, "I will not be a moment;" and delivering her
+message, which had been only devised as an excuse, she walked on with
+them, in a sort of despair as to Walter's being of any use. "If he is
+afraid to walk home with Lionel," thought she, "what will it be about
+stirring up his father? Why cannot people have a little courage?" She
+consoled herself by remembering that Walter could not know the degree of
+Lionel's blindness, and probably thought it worse than it yet was; but
+even if it had been total, she could not see that he need have been
+afraid of guiding him in the street and through the park. If it was the
+additional nervousness, of disliking to begin on so painful a subject,
+that she thought worse than all. Marian being by no means troubled with
+nerves herself, had little toleration for women who had them; and none
+at all for men. She thought the case lost, and half repented of her
+advice to write to Walter, yet she did not know what else she could
+possibly have said. Lionel talked on, told who was at home, and what
+every one was about, and when Johnny had last been heard of, all in a
+bright, lively tone, not exactly assumed, for he was much cheered by
+his brother's arrival, and yet partly from the wonted desire of showing
+himself happy. Walter did not make much reply, but when Lionel after
+saying Elliot was at Newmarket, added, "And Mr. Faulkner is there too,
+so you won't have the pleasure of an introduction," he started, and
+Marian saw the trembling of his lips.
+
+Thus they reached the house, and Lionel dashed forward In his own
+headlong way before them, to announce Walter's coming. Then Walter
+looked at Marian, saying, "Then it is not so bad yet?"
+
+"O no, it is only that he cannot see anything distinctly; he cannot bear
+not to be independent."
+
+They were entering the hall by this time, and his mother and sisters had
+come out to meet Walter, Caroline very white and trembling, and holding
+by the back of a chair instead of coming forward; Mrs. Lyddell kissed
+him, and seemed more affectionate than usual, for it had been a great
+pleasure to her to see Lionel rush in with that animated face, and a
+shout such as he used to get into disgrace for.
+
+Nothing came to pass that evening, there were no private conferences,
+and there was nothing remarkable, excepting that Lionel was quite merry
+and talkative, and Caroline more silent than ever, seeming hardly to
+attend even when Walter was sitting between her and Clara, talking to
+Marian and Lionel about the beautiful arrangements of Church and school
+in his new curacy. At night she was in such a terrible agitation,
+walking up and down the rooms so restless and wretched that Marian,
+seriously afraid she would be quite ill the next day, persuaded her with
+great difficulty, to go to bed, and did not leave her till very late at
+night, when she had read her to sleep.
+
+It was a, great relief to find her pretty well in the morning, at least
+with nothing worse than a headache. She and Walter both disappeared
+after breakfast, and did not come down till luncheon time, when she
+looked so ill that Mrs. Lyddell was alarmed and insisted on her lying
+down and keeping quiet. Then Mrs. Lyddell said that Walter ought to go
+and call on Lady Julia Faulkner, and offered to take him there. Marian
+looked at him by stealth, and could have gasped for breath, for by what
+he did now, she thought she could see what line he would take.
+
+"Thank you," he said, or rather hesitated, "but don't let me interrupt
+your plans. I thought I heard something about--about. Salisbury. I have
+something to do there."
+
+"The girls did talk of wanting to go," said Mrs. Lyddell. "Did not you,
+Marian or Clara, which was it?"
+
+"My watch wants to have something done to it," put in Lionel, whose
+father had given him a repeater, which of course began its career by
+doing anything but going properly.
+
+"Well, perhaps it will he as well to go to Salisbury to-day, as Caroline
+has this headache. She never likes going there, and she may be able to
+go with us to High Down to-morrow."
+
+So it was settled, and they left the luncheon table. Marian happened to
+be the last lady, and whether it was fancy or not she was not sure, but
+she thought she heard on Walter's lips, a self-reproachful whisper of
+"Coward."
+
+The expedition to Salisbury, in which Marian was obliged to take part,
+prevented her from seeing anything of Caroline till the evening, and
+then as soon as Clara was out of the way Caroline rose up, caught hold
+of her hand, and exclaimed, "O, Marian, what have you made me do?" then
+walked about in a paroxysm of distress, almost terrible to witness.
+
+"Caroline, dearest, O don't!" cried Marian quite frightened; "do try to
+be calm! O what is it?"
+
+"O it will all be misery!" said Caroline, sitting down and clasping her
+hands over her face, "I little knew what it would be when you made me
+write to Walter. He says it would be wickedness--yes, those were his
+words--he called it wickedness in me to go on with it, as I feel now!"
+
+"And you mean to--"
+
+"I cannot tell--I don't know--he must do as he pleases; O it will make
+me wild! He must do as he pleases, for I must be wretched either way,"
+
+"Dear Caroline--but O! how much better to be unhappy for the sake of
+doing right than when--"
+
+"Yes, yes--so he said--but O! the horror. It kills me even to think of
+what it will be! O, Marian, Marian--"
+
+"It will be over in time," said Marian; "but O! I am glad you have made
+up your mind--"
+
+"No, I have not--at least I must, I suppose--for after what Walter said
+I can't go on. Walter's words would be a dagger--O! I don't know what
+they would be, all the rest of my life if I did. No--you and Walter must
+have your own way; I am too wretched already to care what becomes of
+inc. But he--O Marian, I never can--"
+
+"If it is right you can," said Marian.
+
+"You can, but you don't know what you say to me," said Caroline. "Right
+has never been to me what it is to you."
+
+"Yes, indeed it has, dear Caroline, or you would not be making this
+struggle now. Indeed there must be strength in you, or you would have
+gone on without faltering."
+
+"Walter said he should never have spoken one word after that first
+letter, if I had not begun," said Caroline; "but when he saw my mind
+misgave me, and I wanted help, he thought it his duty to come and set
+it all before me. O, Marian, he said dreadful things; I did not think
+Walter could have been so cruel. O, such things! He made me look at the
+Marriage Service, and say how I could answer those things; and he talked
+about death and the Last Day. He said it would be a presumptuous sin,
+and a profaning of the holy ordinance for me to come to it, knowing and
+thinking and feeling as I do. O what things he said! and yet he was very
+kind to me."
+
+"Well, and--"
+
+"I left it all to him. I knew it would be misery, and I did not care in
+what way; but then, Marian, O! worse than all, he said it must be my own
+doing."
+
+"I suppose it must."
+
+"He said he would help me; but I was the only person who had a right to
+do anything! O, Marian, Marian, I wish I could die."
+
+"It will be over in time!" repeated Marian.
+
+"Yes, but it will not be over. Mamma, papa, O I shall be reproached with
+it for ever; I shall know I have made _him_ unhappy. O would that I
+could begin all over again!"
+
+"You will have comfort at last in having been strong. The greater the
+effort the nobler it is! O, Caroline, do only hold out nobly. It is so
+glorious to have something to suffer for the sake of doing right!"
+
+"Glorious!" murmured Caroline, her desponding gaze raised to contemplate
+the grand head, fine brow, firm lips, and dark glancing eye, turned up
+for a moment in the enthusiastic spirit of self-devotion. That look,
+unknowing as was Marian that she wore it, penetrated into Caroline's
+soul, and warmed her too with the temper of martyrdom. "Glorious;" she
+repeated a second time, and the tone was not so broken and hopeless as
+before.
+
+"To be sure it is!" said Marian, going on with her own thoughts, "and it
+is so seldom people can ever partake of it, in ever so slight a degree,
+in these days; I always think it so beautiful where the account is given
+of the Apostles' great joy when they found a persecution was really
+going to begin."
+
+"Persecution--yes, real persecution."
+
+"And every suffering for the sake of the truth, for conscience' sake,
+must partake a little of that, I suppose," said Marian reverently.
+
+There they were interrupted by Clara, who came to call Marian down
+stairs. Caroline came too, which the others had not expected. She was
+more calm and composed, and her headache was supposed by her mother to
+account for her want of spirits. She went to bed early, begging Marian
+to come and visit her when she came up. Marian contrived to do so as
+soon as possible, and found her already in bed, quiet and comfortable.
+"Marian," she said, "I have made up my mind. Now read to me, if you
+please."
+
+She was worn out with agitation and sleeplessness, and soothed with
+having come to a determination, she soon fell asleep, and Marian went
+to her own room, wondering over the part Walter had acted, and what he
+might be going to do next, whether he had led or driven his sister, and
+how far the courage of principle would avail to subdue natural timidity.
+
+Caroline was pretty well the next morning, but the time was broken up in
+various ways, so that it was not till the afternoon that she could see
+Walter again in private. Lionel was considerably disconcerted when he
+found himself left to Marian. He had no notion of what was going on, had
+believed Walter's return to be entirely on his account, and was much
+disappointed at not having more of his company; for though both had been
+of the party to Salisbury, one had been outside the carriage and the
+other inside, so that they had not seen much of each other, and this
+morning had been interrupted. He was so much vexed and inclined to be
+hurt, by what he felt as a slight on his brother's part, that Marian
+could not resist telling him what she knew would console him. "I don't
+think you will mind it, Lionel, when you know why it is that Caroline
+wants him."
+
+"Ha?" said Lionel, "you don't mean that she has thought better of it,
+and is going to send Julian the Apostate to the right about. Eh? You
+don't say so. Well, then there is some good in Caroline after all! But
+then what should she want of Walter?"
+
+"To help her, to advise her."
+
+"Well, if she likes, but I can't see what advice she wants. She has only
+got to make him a curtsey and say, 'Very much obliged to you, sir, but I
+had rather be excused.'"
+
+Marian could not help laughing, in spite of her deep feeling on the
+matter, and Lionel, who had acted the voice and the curtsey, laughed
+too, and then perhaps ashamed of making fun of such an affair, added,
+"It is the best news I have heard this long time. What, and that is what
+she has been so dismal about these last few days, is it?"
+
+"Yes, she has been very unhappy indeed. It is a terrible struggle."
+
+"What? she likes him, does she? Poor Cary! After all I am glad she is
+coming right again, she is very good natured, and a great deal too good
+for Ju--. Ah! you won't have him called so, I know. They have taken a
+good time for it now he is away and Elliot too, but what a tremendous
+row there will be about it. Mamma thought it was such a speculation for
+Caroline."
+
+"Yes, I am afraid she will have a great deal to go through."
+
+"Yes," said Lionel, pondering gravely for some minutes; then asking
+"What is going to be done?"
+
+"I don't know in the least; I believe she is settling with Walter
+to-day."
+
+"Then nobody knows about it yet?"
+
+There was no more to do but to have the satisfaction of talking over the
+engagement together, an occupation which put Lionel into particularly
+good spirits, and made their walk very pleasant. In the next glimpse
+which Marian had of Caroline, she learnt that Walter had undertaken to
+speak to his father that very evening. Caroline looked ghastly white as
+she said so in a whisper, but her dreadful agitation seemed to have
+left her; she had evidently quite made up her mind, though she said she
+believed it would never have been done if it had rested with her to
+begin by telling either of her parents. Both she and Marian knew that
+nothing but a spirit of moral heroism could have braced Walter to bear
+the first brunt of his father's wrath, and she was very much shocked at
+her own weakness in suffering it, but still it was much in her to allow
+it to be done.
+
+That the conversation had taken place at night, when all the rest had
+retired, was evident to Marian when they met the nest morning from the
+very dark, severe loots of Mr Lyddell, from his wife's impatient angry
+manner, and sharper, louder voice. Walter was almost absolutely silent,
+Caroline went through the forms of breakfast as if she was in a dream,
+Lionel frowned, fidgeted, and tried with all his might, poor boy, to
+scan the faces which were daily growing more obscure to his vision; even
+Clara saw something was wrong, and glanced from one to the other in a
+puzzled, alarmed manner When they left the dining-room, Marian heard
+Mrs. Lyddell say, "Caroline, I want you." She flew up to her own room,
+and hiding her face, as she knelt down, she entreated earnestly that her
+poor Caroline might have steadfastness to go through this fearful trial.
+She was interrupted by Clara, begging to know what was the matter, if
+anything was wrong about Mr. Faulkner; she thought Lionel knew, but when
+she him be would do nothing but crow like a cock. Marian would have been
+glad if she could have made any equally convenient demonstration instead
+of an answer, but she could only say that she had heard nothing of Mr.
+Faulkner, and could not tell Clara anything about the matter.
+
+"Do you know anything?" said Clara.
+
+"I do know."
+
+"Ah! you are in all Caroline's secrets now, and that is very odd; you
+who used to hate the Faulkners. Well, but are not you coming down?"
+
+In spite of his cock-crowings, Lionel was very anxious, and when in the
+course of that long desultory forlorn morning he was left alone with
+Marian, he earnestly asked her what she knew. "Nothing" was her answer.
+
+"O if Caroline will but hold out!" he exclaimed, "that will be what I
+call being good for something! I hope mamma won't be desperately angry,
+for that I could stand less than anything, it goes on so much longer
+with her than with papa."
+
+"She will be very much disappointed. O how I wish I knew what is
+happening!"
+
+It was a long time before any intelligence could be gained: Mrs. Lyddell
+was very much flushed, and looked extremely displeased when she came
+down, hardly speaking to any one but Lionel, and glancing most sternly
+at Marian, Caroline did not come down at all, and when Marian was going
+up stairs after luncheon, Mrs. Lyddell said with extreme coldness, "Do
+not go to Caroline, if you please, I wish her to be left quiet."
+
+Marian was in great consternation, since it was evident that Mrs.
+Lyddell perceived how her influence had been exerted, and was very much
+offended, indeed it was no wonder that she should be. Nothing but "very
+well" could be said so she quietly prepared to go out. Lionel had his
+brother this afternoon and did not want her, so she had only Clara for
+her companion full of surmises and of excitement. When she came in and
+was on her way to her room, Caroline opened her door. "Marian! O will
+you not come to me?" cried she imploringly.
+
+Marian could not but comply, indeed she had no hesitation, for she
+thought Mrs. Lyddell's injunction only applied to the time before she
+went out.
+
+"O, cheer me up, comfort me, Marian!" said Caroline, drawing her
+cousin's arm round her waist, "I do want it so much!"
+
+"You are going on bravely then!" said Marian, caressing her.
+
+"Bravely!" sighed Caroline; "No, indeed, but I have held firmly so far!
+I could not but stand by poor Walter, you know, when he confronted it
+all for me! I could not say much--I could only cry--but I took care they
+should not think I consented again."
+
+"And is Mrs. Lyddell very much displeased?"
+
+"O, don't speak of it, Marian. I cannot bear it."
+
+The door opened and Mrs. Lyddell entered, and the air of indignant
+surprise on seeing Marian called for an answer: "I beg your pardon, I
+thought you only meant me not to go to Caroline just after luncheon,"
+said Marian.
+
+"I wish matters, such as we have been discussing, to be confined
+entirely to our own family," replied Mrs. Lyddell, too angry not to say
+something, yet too much afraid of Marian not to say it very courteously.
+
+"Mamma!" said Caroline eagerly, "only hear me. I assure you that not one
+word did Marian ever say to me till I voluntarily went to her a week
+ago, because I was so very miserable I could bear it no longer."
+
+"I should have thought your mother the proper person to go to in such a
+case. Miss Arundel's sentiments had so long been visible, that you could
+have no doubt of the advice you would receive from her."
+
+"Mrs. Lyddell," said Marian, collecting herself, and speaking slowly,
+"I am very sorry I have appeared to act a part which I know must seem
+unjustifiable. I never spoke to--to Caroline" (the remembrance of Lionel
+prevented her from saying to any one) "of my opinion of this engagement,
+after it was formed, till she came to me for advice, in her distress. I
+could not speak against my conscience, and I tried not to forget what
+was due to you. I only begged her to write to her brother as the fittest
+person to help her, as being a clergyman. I beg your pardon for having
+acted against your wishes." So saying, Marian went out, surprised and
+alarmed at finding herself in open opposition to Mrs. Lyddell, and
+bewildered as to how she ought to have acted. Her comfort was in looking
+forward to the refuge at Fern Torr, and she smiled as she compared Mrs.
+Lyddell with her other guardian's future wife.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell wished her at Fern Torr fully as much as she did. She had
+already become jealous of Lionel's preference, and it was too galling to
+find the affection of her children stolen from her by that cold, pale,
+proud, unprepossessing girl. Had the love been on the part of Elliot or
+Walter, Mrs. Lyddell would hardly have regretted it, considering Miss
+Arundel's large fortune and high connexions; but nothing was less
+probable than this, and Marian's influence over Caroline was at present,
+in Mrs. Lyddell's eyes, only a source of mischief.
+
+Lionel was alone in the drawing-room, and met Marian eagerly inquiring
+"What news?"
+
+"I have hardly seen her. Has Walter told you nothing?"
+
+"No; he thinks I don't know, and I was not going to let on that you told
+me. Is she steady?"
+
+"Yes, so far."
+
+"That is right," said Lionel, thoughtfully, "I am very sorry for her,
+but I shall think the better of her ever after."
+
+"Have you been out with Walter?"
+
+"Yes, we have had a very nice talk."
+
+Here Walter came down, and began to talk to Marian about schools and
+lending libraries.
+
+It was a strange state of things, with all those different pairs of
+confidential friends. Both Marian and Walter were the stay and support
+of Caroline and Lionel; yet, though acting in concert, and perfectly
+agreed, not saying a word in confidence to each other on either head.
+Neither did Walter speak of Caroline to Lionel, nor Lionel, though much
+interested for her, speak to her of his affairs or her own. Clara indeed
+bestowed her communications on every one, but she got nothing in return
+that was satisfactory. Marian was the central point with all except
+Walter, but the fulness of her heart was bestowed elsewhere. And, alas!
+none saw so little of those young hearts as the parents, who had never
+earned their confidence; so that when they turn to them, it was from
+duty, as to rulers, not as to counsellors and friends.
+
+Very sore was Marian's heart that night, when she felt it her duty to
+bid Caroline good night in Mrs. Lyddell's hearing, in spite of the
+piteous, imploring glance turned upon her. Might not her support make
+all the difference now? she thought. No; shame on her for thinking that
+she could do more good than He to whose hands Caroline was trusted!
+Folly, to dream that her awkward, blundering words could be more help
+than the prayers she could pour out alone!
+
+Yet all these consolations could not prevent poor Marian from being very
+miserable, under the dread that Caroline thought her unkind, and felt
+herself deserted, after being involved in all this suffering. And O,
+should she fail! Walter must go on Saturday, and then she would be left
+to fight her battle alone.
+
+On the Friday the whole house knew what was going on. Mr. Lyddell
+himself had a conversation with Caroline, but nothing of it transpired.
+It only was evident that she still continued in the same mind, and she
+looked more wretched than ever. Marian was anxious to show her affection
+and sympathy in her manner, but her anxiety only made her cold, and dry,
+and awkward. Clara was excited and puzzled, Walter was hardly spoken to
+by father or mother; and when at breakfast on Saturday he spoke of his
+departure, the silence that he encountered seemed to express that he had
+much better not have come home at all.
+
+Marian felt fierce with indignation, and Lionel, perhaps by way of
+effusion of the same feeling, dashed his chair away from the table, and
+called out, "Mind you come back again as soon as ever you can."
+
+But the dead silence that followed was more painful and marked than it
+had been before.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+  "The flowers do fade, and wanton fields,
+  To wayward winter reckoning yields,
+  A honey tongue, a heart of gall
+  Is fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall."
+
+  SIR W. RALEIGH.
+
+
+The Sunday after Walter's departure was a very uncomfortable and
+melancholy day. It was very sad to see poor Caroline looking wan and
+suffering, and turning now and then a wistful appealing glance at
+Marian, as if intreating for the help which must not be afforded to
+her; and then at each meeting and parting, Marian was dissatisfied with
+herself for having been rendered stiff and dry instead of tender and
+consoling, by the very wish to be affectionate, which prevented her from
+being at ease. She heard from Clara that Caroline's great desire was to
+be allowed to write to Mr. Faulkner on the subject before she saw him
+again, whilst he was still in London, and that it was this which her
+parents so strongly opposed, convinced that a meeting with him would
+renew all her feelings of attachment. Marian dreaded the same, for she
+could not think Caroline's resolution sufficient to hold out in sight of
+his affection, and of his prepossessing qualities, and at the same time,
+every day that the engagement continued made it more difficult to break
+it off.
+
+One comfort was, however, that Lionel's anxiety and interest in
+Caroline's affairs, were drawing his attention from his own trouble, and
+he was much less irritable and unhappy than before. Perhaps this might
+have been in part owing to his conversations with Walter, who could
+venture on giving him more lessons on the right principle of endurance
+than Marian had ever dared to put before him. She was more pleased than
+she had been for a long time, when as they were walking together in the
+plantations, after evening service, he said with some abruptness and
+yet with some hesitation, "Marian, didn't you once read something with
+Gerald in the morning?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, sure of what the something meant.
+
+"Do you do it still by yourself?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Then I wish----. Would you mind reading to me?"
+
+"The Psalms and Lessons? O, Lionel, I should be so glad I Only could you
+get up in time? for I don't know when to do it except before breakfast."
+
+"To be sure I could get up in time. I only lie in bed because there is
+nothing to do, and nobody to speak to."
+
+"Well then, will you meet me in the schoolroom at eight o'clock in the
+morning?"
+
+"Very well."
+
+No more was said, but Lionel kept his appointment. It was, as Marian
+guessed a recommendation of his brother's. Walter had asked him to get
+one of his sisters to read to him, and Lionel had made the request to
+Marian, as his real sister, though he had never told Walter whether he
+meant to take his advice.
+
+The next Sunday, Marian, on coming down after dressing for dinner, was
+surprised to find Elliot standing by the fire. He just inclined his
+bead, and moved his lips by way of greeting.
+
+"When did you come home?" said she drily.
+
+"Half-an-hour ago."
+
+The answer was brief and with no encouragement to say more. She thought
+he looked dark and moody, and, taking up a book, was silent. The next
+time the door opened, it was Lionel who entered. He frowned and gazed
+up, perceiving the figure but not able to make it out. "Ha, Lionel! How
+d'ye do?" said Elliot in a short, gruff, indifferent voice; without
+moving or attempting to shake hands, without any token that he thought
+of Lionel's misfortune.
+
+Lionel's equally indifferent tone, "How d'ye do?" was sign enough to
+Marian that he was hurt. He came and sat by her, talked fast and low,
+and laughed several times in the constrained manner he used to put on by
+way of bravado; Elliot all the time taking no notice. The others soon
+made their appearance. Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell had seen him before, and to
+his sisters his greeting was much in the same style, hardly vouchsafing
+any recognition of Caroline at all.
+
+The cloud was thicker and darker than ever all dinner time. Mr. and Mrs.
+Lyddell tried in vain to talk, he answered them in a short snappish way
+which he was apt to assume whenever his father made any attempt to check
+his extravagance.
+
+The ladies and Lionel were glad to get into the drawing-room, and leave
+him and his father to themselves. Tea came and they did not appear, ten
+o'clock struck, half-past, and they came not. The ladies were putting
+away their books, and thinking of wishing good night when suddenly the
+door was thrown open, and in tramped Mr. Lyddell, red with passion,
+while behind him came Elliot, with less of violence, but with a dark
+scowl of resentment on his downcast and always unpleasant face.
+
+"Caroline!" began Mr. Lyddell, in a voice of thunder, and great was the
+alarm of all, for her sake, as she turned pale and trembled. "Caroline!
+You have my full consent to do as you please. You may break with
+Faulkner to-morrow, if you like!"
+
+Some discovery! thought Marian, transfixed with wonder and hope;
+Caroline sat still but for her trembling, her face bent down, and her
+hands nervously clasped together.
+
+"Now, sir," proceeded Mr. Lyddell, turning round on Elliot, "you see if
+I am the tyrant you would make me. You see if I am going to force my
+daughter into a marriage against her wish--sacrifice my whole family
+because I have an ill-conditioned scamp of a good-for-nothing son. You
+see."
+
+"I do see, sir," muttered Elliot; "and you'll see whether you like the
+consequences."
+
+Marian thought she had better be out of this family scene, and had her
+hand on the door, but Mr. Lyddell called out "Stay here! Marian! I
+don't care if all the world heard me. He thinks he can threaten me into
+tyranny over her inclinations, and I tell him she is as free as air! I
+vow----."
+
+"Mr. Lyddell! do consider, do think," expostulated his wife; "I daresay
+Elliot was a little too vehement a partizan for his friend----."
+
+"Friend! Pshaw! He care for his friend!" said Mr. Lyddell scornfully.
+"'Tis for himself he is a partizan, I tell you. Nothing else does he
+care a straw for. 'Tis for nothing but the saving of her fortune that he
+would have me persecute his sister into this marriage! Aye! he has the
+face to tell me so! and what more do you think he comes and says to me!
+Why! that Lionel will be nothing but a burthen for ever! A pretty pass
+things are come to when he speaks after that fashion of his own brother!
+He cared for his friend, indeed!"
+
+"No one ever thought of compelling Caroline," pleaded Mrs. Lyddell.
+
+"But I tell you he did," interrupted her husband. "I told him I was very
+sorry, but I could not help it; if she would have her own way, I could
+not make her marry the man against her will, and he answers in his
+sneering way that it is all nonsense, he would be bound to make her give
+up in no time--any man could bring a girl to reason. As if I was to
+persecute my daughter to force her into what she tells me is against her
+conscience. Better too much conscience than none at all, I tell you,
+Master Elliot."
+
+"We had better bring this scene to an end, sir," said Elliot sullenly.
+"We understand each other."
+
+So saying, he took up his candle and flung out of the room. The girls
+were but too glad to escape, and Lionel followed them, leaving Mr. and
+Mrs. Lyddell to themselves.
+
+Caroline and Clara both were trembling like aspen leaves, each threw an
+arm round Marian's waist, and leant against her as soon as they were
+out of the room. She had been startled and trembling before, but their
+fright seemed to give her firmness; and it was well, for Caroline's
+knees shook so much, and she was so nervous that she could hardly have
+reached her room without support. Clara began to exclaim, but Marian
+stopped her, made her fetch some camphor julep, helped Caroline to
+undress, and put her to bed. Caroline hardly spoke all the time, but
+as Marian bent over her to kiss her, and wish her good night, she
+whispered, "I may soon be able to have you again, dear Marian!"
+
+Marian went to bed, wondering at all that had passed, indignant with
+Elliot, pleased with Mr. Lyddell, hopeful for Caroline, and cheered by
+finding that she had not been thought unkind.
+
+She heard doors opened and shut, and the trampling of feet the next
+morning, and when Lionel met her in the schoolroom for their reading,
+he told her that be had been overtaken by Elliot running down stairs at
+full speed; and had only just time to clear out of his way. "And hark!
+is not there something at the front door? Look out, Marian."
+
+Marian looked from the window. "Yes! It is his dog-cart. Can he be going
+away, Lionel?"
+
+"Going off in a rage!" said Lionel, looking grave; "I thought there was
+mischief in his voice last night."
+
+"Yes, there is his portmanteau," said Marian, in a tone of
+consternation; for little as she liked Elliot, it was too shocking to
+see a son thus leave his father's roof.
+
+"It is a pretty piece of work," said Lionel. "He has been coming it a
+little too strong for my father, it seems! Well, poor Caroline will be
+let alone, that is one good thing; but I am afraid he will go and get
+into some tremendous scrape, if it is only for the sake of spiting my
+father."
+
+"It is very dreadful!" said Marian, sighing.
+
+"I am very glad my father was so angry, though!" said Lionel. "Wanting
+him to drive poor Caroline into it by unkindness! That was a little too
+bad!"
+
+"Yes, indeed," said Marian. "But O! here he comes out of the door with
+his cigar. He is getting in! There he goes! O, Lionel!"
+
+They both were silent for some little time. Then Marian took up the
+prayer-book, and began the Psalm, and when she heard Lionel's voice
+join in the Doxology, a thrill came home to her, making her feel that
+blindness might yet be indeed the blessing to him that faith taught her
+to know it must be. How much better to be thus than like his brother.
+
+When they met the others at breakfast, it proved that they alone knew of
+the departure; Mr. Lyddell interrogated Elliot's servant, and heard from
+him that he had orders to follow his master to Paris as soon as he had
+packed up his goods. This was all that could be learnt, and all that
+Marian could make out as to what had passed, was that he had been
+strongly averse to Caroline's engagement being broken off, that he
+had tried to induce his father to insist upon it, and to drive her to
+overcome her reluctance by what could be only understood as domestic
+persecution, and that in short he had allowed his unfeeling selfishness
+to appear to such a degree, that it had positively revolted his father,
+whose displeasure had long been excited by the extravagance that had
+been causing serious inconvenience, and who instantly, while under the
+influence of his first indignation, resolved to show that he would
+not be domineered over, nor sacrifice the rest of the family to the
+extravagance which he had already too freely supplied.
+
+Mr. Lyddell had given his consent while angry, and he could not retract
+it when he was cool. Caroline therefore might write her letter as soon
+as she pleased. She had nothing to dread from him; indeed, as if out of
+opposition to Elliot, he was kinder to her than he had ever been before,
+called her "my dear" more than once, and observed on her pale looks. Her
+mother spoke little to her, and that little was cold and unkind, while
+she looked so vexed and unhappy that even Marian had some feeling for
+her, and what must it have been for her own daughter? However, all open
+opposition was withdrawn, and Caroline had only herself to struggle
+with. There was no reason why she should not once more seek comfort from
+Marian, yet all that day she kept at a distance, and it was not till the
+next evening that she came into Marian's room, and sinking into a chair,
+murmured, "I have done it."
+
+"Written your letter?"
+
+"Sent it."
+
+"O, I am so glad!"
+
+"Glad?"
+
+"Yes, but you will be glad when it is over."
+
+"O!" sighed Caroline, incredulously. "You know nothing about it.
+Marian."
+
+"Every one must be glad to have done right," said Marian, firmly.
+
+"O what a week it has been! And I have sown dissension in the family!
+And no one can tell what may be the consequence with Elliot! And he will
+be unhappy! O! Marian--I wish--I wish you had let me go on my own way
+and be miserable alone," added she with a kind of anger.
+
+"It was your own doing," said Marian gently; "you felt it to be right.
+Only worse misery could come of your going on, for that would have been
+positive wrong; now it must and will get better."
+
+"I don't know," sighed Caroline. "I never knew till now how much I cared
+for him! O, Marian!" and she burst into a hearty fit of crying.
+
+Marian was perplexed, as she always was when any one cried, and stood
+without a word till Caroline had relieved herself by tears, and began to
+speak again. It was very sad and melancholy, and it was very difficult
+to find anything to answer; Marian could see no consolation but that
+"it was right," and that did not seem to have much effect on Caroline;
+while, added to the former trouble of renouncing the man who loved her,
+and of grieving her parents, there was the dread of what Elliot might do
+in his anger.
+
+However, the being able to pour everything out to so true a friend was
+more of a comfort than anything that, could have been said to her. She
+told Marian that she had gone through the conversations with her father
+and mother better than she could have thought possible. She could not
+desert poor Walter, that was one thing that helped her, she must stand
+by him, and papa was not half so angry as she expected. It seemed as if
+her strength had grown with each occasion for it. The first effort of
+writing to Walter had cost her most of all, then the allowing him to
+break the matter to her father had been dreadful; but after all, the
+conferences with her parents, singly and together, had not been as bad
+as the fear of them, and Marian tried to persuade her that it would be
+the same when she saw Mr. Faulkner, but poor Caroline shook her head,
+and said Marian knew nothing about it. And Marian was much of the same
+opinion, and held her peace, but before the end of the conversation she
+had the great pleasure of hearing Caroline say, "The thought of being
+able to have you again has been the one great help to me through all!"
+
+Two days after this, as Marian and Lionel were going out riding
+together, Marian exclaimed, "I do believe that is Mr. Faulkner!"
+
+"Where?"
+
+"Riding on the Salisbury road," said Marian; "I am sure it is his
+horse."
+
+"Don't let us meet him! can't we get out of the way?" said Lionel.
+"Aren't we somewhere near the thorny lane?"
+
+"No, but we might ride off on the Down. Only take care, Lionel; you had
+better keep close to me," said Marian, much more unwilling to meet Mr.
+Faulkner than to conduct Lionel through the ups and downs of the green,
+chalky common.
+
+She watched and guided his pony up the bank and upon the Down, and on
+they trotted fast, for Marian was actuated by a very undignified fit
+of terror lest she should meet Mr. Faulkner, towards whom she felt
+positively guilty, nor did she wish to be seen fleeing from him.
+
+"We must be out of sight of the road by this time, aren't we?" said
+Lionel.
+
+"I don't know," Marian turned her head to see. At that moment Lionel's
+pony stepped into a hole, stumbled, and when she looked back again,
+there was Lionel on the ground. Her head swam with fear, but the next
+moment Lionel was on his feet and laughing.
+
+"Not hurt, Lionel! are you sure?"
+
+"Not a bit! Is that Sorrel?"
+
+Sorrel was rushing off with his bridle loose, and Marian began to dread
+having Mr. Faulkner's assistance in catching him. "Stand still, Lionel!"
+she called, and then riding between Sorrel and the road, she managed to
+turn him towards a long hedge that crossed the Down, saw him stop to eat
+a tuft of grass, made a grasp at his bridle, but failed, while he dashed
+off across the Down, happily not towards the road.
+
+She called to Lionel, told him of her ill success, and begged him not to
+move, while she again pursued the runaway, and a long dance he led her,
+far out of sight of Lionel. Once she had considerable hopes, when she
+came in sight of a shepherd boy, who stood in amaze at the lady in chase
+of the runaway steed, then came up with a run to cut off its course, but
+so awkwardly that the pony was still more frightened, and galloped off
+in another direction faster than ever! Poor Marian! However after full
+half an hour, she succeeded in hunting him into a narrow place between
+two fields, ending in a gate, caught safely hold of the rein, kept it
+fast, and at length led Sorrel back in triumph to the spot where poor
+Lionel stood still patiently. She called out to him as soon as she came
+near enough to make her voice heard, and he answered, and walked forward
+to meet the dark shapes, which were all that he could see.
+
+Marian feared that he would be very much mortified at having been
+obliged to remain thus helpless, while a girl was doing what he would
+have so much enjoyed, and she looked anxiously at his face, alas! she
+could look there now without his knowing it. It was disconsolate, but
+the look was not bitter. She held Sorrel while he mounted, and she then
+apologized for having been so long, and said she feared he had thought
+she had forgotten him. He made not much reply, did not even ask how she
+had managed to catch the pony. Marian conducted him safely into the road
+before she would speak again. He did, however, congratulate himself on
+not having been obliged to be beholden to Mr. Faulkner for catching
+the pony, as well as on Sorrel's not having gone home to tell the tale
+himself.
+
+"Yes, indeed, they would have been terribly frightened," said Marian.
+
+"Ay, and if they once knew of my tumble, they would never let us go out
+riding again."
+
+"But, Lionel, we must tell," said Marian.
+
+"Just like a girl!" grumbled Lionel. "Then there's an end of all our
+rides, and all the comfort that I have in life."
+
+"I don't know," said Marian. "At any rate I can't ride with you, I
+should not think it right, unless Mr. Lyddell knew of this fall. It is
+my concern and not yours, for it was all through my carelessness."
+
+"You go on just as if you were a child still," said Lionel, still cross.
+
+"Well, Lionel, I believe the only way is to manage ourselves as if we
+were children still."
+
+"All very fine," was Lionel's surly answer, and they rode on, while
+Marian was very unhappy. She blamed herself for having given way to a
+foolish fit of nervous bashfulness, which had led to what might have
+been a serious accident to her especial charge. It had further made a
+very unpleasant confession needful, and Lionel's vexation and irritation
+seemed to have overcome all his late improvement. The thought of what
+poor Caroline was going through was enough to stifle everything else,
+and Marian wondered at herself, as for a sort of unkindness, in having
+been so fully occupied as to have had no time for anxiety.
+
+Both had been very silent ever since Lionel's reply, until Marian asked
+him to strike his repeater. It was half-past five, and they turned
+homewards, taking a bye road so as to avoid meeting Mr. Faulkner. And
+now Lionel began to talk of Caroline, and wonder how she had sped. He
+seemed to throw off his own private troubles as he talked of hers, and
+his fit of petulance was melting fast away. At last he made up his mind
+to inquire how she had caught Sorrel, and was positively interested in
+the narration, laughing at the idea of the scrape they would have been
+in if Sorrel had made his way to the road, and Mr. Faulkner had caught
+him.
+
+He said no more about the confession, but it was evident that he had
+conquered his annoyance sooner than he had ever done before. Marian had
+not theorized on the matter, but if she had she could not have judged
+better, for Lionel was far better dealt with by being bold and
+uncompromising. It was very strange to have this concern of their own so
+much on their minds when Caroline's fate was at its crisis, yet perhaps
+it was good for Marian to be thus occupied, since she was apt to suffer
+very much from anxiety, as persons of her calm and reserved demeanour
+often do. A sickening, throbbing, trembling feeling came over her,
+making her temples beat and her hands cold, as she came into the house,
+expecting to hear whether Caroline had endured and been true to herself,
+and it was well she had not had longer to suffer from it.
+
+No one was in the drawing-room, and she ran as fast as her trembling
+knees would allow to Caroline's room, knocked, received no answer,
+opened the door, and saw Caroline stretched out on her bed, in a state
+best described by the French word _anéantissement_, for it was not
+fainting, but the sort of prostration consequent on the completion of an
+effort for which she had wound herself up. She was very pale, her eyes
+were shut, and her breath came short. Marian stood watching her in
+alarm, wondering whether to speak, and how. At last Caroline looked up,
+held out her hand, and drew Marian down on her knees till her face was
+level with hers, then put her arm round her neck.
+
+"Dear Caroline!" said Marian, though it was not easy to say anything,
+"you will be happier now."
+
+A more caressing person would have been much more at ease herself and
+given more comfort to Caroline, that must be confessed, but as there was
+no one else to be had, Marian was obliged to do her best, and this was
+to kiss Caroline timidly and say, "I am so glad you have done right."
+
+But Caroline only hid her face at the word _glad_ and murmured, "You
+never did him justice! You never did!"
+
+"If it had not been for the want of that one thing he would have been
+all right," said Marian.
+
+"O, he is very noble! he has such a mind! such--such--O, he loved me so
+much," and Caroline fell into a paroxysm of silent misery. Marian began
+to dread lest the parting had not been final, and though doubtful
+whether she ought to ask, could not help saying, "But is it over?"
+
+"Yes, yes; you have your wish, Marian. It is done! He is angry with me
+now! It is over, and I am wretched for life!"
+
+"Not so wretched as if you had done wrong." said Marian. Caroline did
+not turn away this time, and Marian gathered courage to say, "You have
+persevered, and now there will be comfort. There will always be comfort
+in knowing you have tried to do right. Walter will be so glad, and so
+will Lionel."
+
+"Lionel," repeated Caroline.
+
+"Yes, he has been very anxious about you."
+
+"Poor boy!" sighed Caroline. "Well, Marian, there is one thing still to
+be done. Only one, and it is all that I shall live for. I shall devote
+myself to him, if I can but do anything to please him, and make him care
+for me when you are gone. It will be my one object."
+
+"Yes," said Marian, "it will be very good for you both."
+
+They were interrupted by Clara, who came in, dressed for dinner, pitying
+Caroline, and telling Marian it was very late. Caroline sat up, but she
+had a violent nervous headache, and they both persuaded her to lie down
+again.
+
+Marian ran off to dress, and though the dinner-bell rang in the midst
+of her hurried toilette, came back to look at Caroline, beg her to keep
+quiet, and promise to come up as soon as dinner was over. As she went
+down, the other trouble of having to confess their adventure came over
+her, but she was resolute, in spite of the want of favour with which she
+knew she was regarded.
+
+Want of favour, evident from the scrupulous formality with which she was
+treated; for if she had been like a daughter of the house, as she ought
+to have been, would they have waited dinner for her, and let her find
+them all looking uncomfortable and expectant in the drawing-room? They
+went into the dining-room; there was a silent, formal dinner, nothing
+like a family party. As soon as the servants had left the room. Marian
+quailing secretly, not from fear of Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell, but lest
+Lionel should lose his rides, began, "I have a confession to make, Mr.
+Lyddell," and told the story of the accident, explaining how it was
+entirely caused by her carelessness.
+
+Exclamations and inquiries arose, and Mrs. Lyddell certified herself by
+several questions that Lionel had not been hurt, but not one of them was
+addressed to Marian. It was as if this was only one among many injuries,
+too frequent for a reproach more or less to be needed. Mr. Lyddell did
+not take it half so much to heart, and no prohibition against future
+rides was issued, for the truth was that no one liked to mortify Lionel.
+It was exactly one of the cases in which the whole danger is not
+conquered, because it melts at the very aspect of moral courage.
+
+It was not comfortable to have to walk away to Caroline, knowing how
+much she had displeased Mrs. Lyddell; but it must be done, and it was,
+at least, agreeable to leave these cold looks. She found Caroline
+better, and able to tell her something of what had passed. At first Mr.
+Faulkner would not believe her to be in earnest, and had imagined this
+was a way of showing her displeasure at his long absence, or some
+trifling "lovers' quarrel;" but when he found that she really meant
+what she said, and her tears and stifled whispers alike announced her
+adherence to what she had expressed in her letter, he became extremely
+angry, thought himself, (as indeed he might with some justice) very
+ill-used, and though he had retained his gentlemanlike manner and
+language, had pretty plainly expressed that Miss Lyddell should have
+known her own mind. Poor Caroline wept bitterly, beseeching that they
+might not part in anger, but he disavowed all irritation, and took a
+cold, courteous leave, which wounded her more than all.
+
+Marian could not easily sympathise with regrets for such a lover, but
+she liked to magnify the sacrifice in order to admire it more, and
+greatly rejoiced in being able to give full admiration to one whom she
+had learnt to love so heartily as Caroline. Such a triumph over natural
+timidity and feebleness of character was indeed a great and gallant
+thing, and Marian used to muse and wonder at it in her solitary hours.
+There was still much to suffer externally as well as internally; there
+was the return of letters and presents, with all their associations;
+there was the feeling of the pain and offence given to Lady Julia and
+her daughters; there was the perception of the opinions of the world,
+and the certainty that all the gossips of the neighbourhood were busy
+with their conjectures; there was the continued anxiety about Elliot,
+and the marked vexation and displeasure of Mrs. Lyddell, who treated
+Caroline as one who had disappointed all her best hopes.
+
+Under all this there was only Marian to sustain Caroline, and their
+friendship was an additional offence. Marian knew that Mrs. Lyddell
+regarded her as the head of a hostile party, and a sower of dissension
+in the family, by no means an agreeable footing on which to stand; but
+the only way, was to appear completely unconscious, and behave as far as
+possible as usual. She was grateful to them for making it no worse, and
+still more for not having objected to her continuing her rides with
+Lionel, from whom, it may well be believed, she scarcely ever took her
+eyes, from the time his foot was in the stirrup.
+
+Lionel was triumphant at the dismissal of "Julian the apostate," but he
+was disappointed to find that Caroline did not recover her spirits "now
+she had had her own way, and got rid of the man." He did not like to
+have her presence announced by a sigh, and to hear the subdued, dejected
+tone of her voice, and he used to wonder over it with Marian, who
+laughed at him for fancying it was such an easy matter to part with a
+lover, yet agreed that it was hard to understand how there could be love
+where there was no esteem. Lionel used to consult her as to what was to
+be done to cheer his sister, since his mother would only make everything
+worse and he could not bear her continued melancholy.
+
+"I do believe, Lionel," said Marian, "that you could do more for her
+than any body else. If you would but sometimes let her do things for
+you, ask her to help you, as--as you ask me."
+
+Lionel would not take the suggestion as she wished. "I thought you liked
+to help me," said he, in a somewhat offended tone.
+
+"O, don't I?" cried Marian, eagerly; "but so does every one, if you
+would only allow them."
+
+Lionel flourished the little switch in his hand till it made an
+ill-tempered "_swish!_" and Marian knew that he thought her ungrateful
+for the exclusive preference with which he honoured her.
+
+"She is your sister," she added.
+
+"Very well," said Lionel, crossly shaking off her arm, "I shall know
+what to be at, if you are tired of helping me."
+
+He could not see the tears in her eyes, and though she was extremely
+grieved, her voice did not betray how strong her feeling was. "Tired!
+O Lionel, how can you think it? But would it not be better to learn to
+depend less on me against I go away?"
+
+"Ay, and glad enough you'll be to go."
+
+"For all but your sake and poor Caroline's," said Marian. "Mrs. Lyddell
+does not like to have me here."
+
+"It would not be fair to want to keep you," said Lionel, "but----"
+
+"I should have much more comfort in going if I thought you and Caroline
+were helping each other," said Marian. "I know she wants to make you her
+first object."
+
+Lionel made no answer nor any change in his ways for some days, yet
+sometimes it seemed, as if when he thought of it, he was more willing
+to allow Caroline to do him some of the small services which his fast
+increasing blindness rendered necessary. Caroline being more dexterous
+and neat-handed than Marian, did them well, and then Marian was vexed
+with herself for a few feelings like annoyance at not being equally
+necessary to Lionel, but she persevered, encouraged by seeing the
+comfort that each approach on his part seemed to give his sister. It was
+the hardest thing Marian had ever had to do, to give up the being first
+with him, as she must cease to be when the natural affection of the
+brother and sister was called into play. But it was right, and she would
+bear it. She thought it right as well as very pleasant to accept an
+invitation from the Wortleys to come and spend the Christmas holidays
+with them, joining her brother on the railroad, and meeting Edmund at
+Fern Torr. The repose would be beyond everything delightful, and no less
+so, the being in a house where her presence was welcome to every member
+of the family. Besides, she longed to see and to talk to Agnes, and the
+more she thought of her promised visit the more she enjoyed it.
+
+Caroline and Lionel both were very sorry to part with her, and jointly
+and separately lamented her going; but Caroline blamed herself for
+selfishness in wishing to keep her, and perceived that it would be a
+good thing that her brother should begin to be weaned from his sole
+dependance upon her, while Lionel seemed half afraid to trust her to
+depart, lest she should never return, and insisted on half a dozen
+promises that she would come back at the end of Gerald's holidays.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+  "They made a famous procession
+  My good little women and men;
+  Such a sight was never seen before
+  And never will again."
+
+  SOUTHEY.
+
+
+A division of a first-class carriage, occupied only by Gerald, received
+Marian at the station, and first she had to be shown the hat, cloak, and
+umbrella with which he had constructed an effigy, which, as he firmly
+believed, had frightened away all who had thought of taking a seat in
+it.
+
+"Thinking you a mad monkey, and that your keeper," said Marian, looking
+proudly at the handsome face and dancing black eyes of her beautiful
+brother. "Why! how you are grown, Gerald! Do stand up, and let me see if
+you are not taller than I am."
+
+"No, not quite so tall, unless it is your bonnet," said Gerald, after
+craning up his neck in vain.
+
+"At any rate, you are taller than Lionel. He only comes up to my ear,"
+said Marian.
+
+"Poor Lionel! How are his eyes?"
+
+"O Gerald, it is very sad. He has very little sight left. I believe he
+finds his way about quite by feeling now. It has grown worse so much
+faster in these last three weeks."
+
+"Poor fellow! What can he do all day?"
+
+A long description followed, and then Gerald wanted to hear all about
+Caroline, and what Marian thought fit to tell him, together with his
+comments, lasted till, in spite of his effigy, a lady made an entrance,
+and for some time Gerald was reduced to silence, and as he sat on the
+same side, to making horrible sidelong scowls at her, out of her sight,
+which sorely tried his sister's propriety of countenance.
+
+The tongues of two such happy people could not long, however, continue
+tied, and presently Gerald rattled off into a history of his sporting
+adventures in Scotland, as if he would detail every shot. The narration
+was endless, and very tiresome it would have been to any woman but a
+sister, and a sister who had so much of the hunter spirit in her as
+Marian; but she listened and sympathised with all her heart and soul,
+and understood why such a shot was a good one, and why such another
+failed, and was absorbed in the interest of the attempt to recover a
+wounded bird when the retriever was stupid, long after the intruder had
+made her exit, and they might have returned to matters touching her more
+closely, though regarded by Gerald as hardly equal in importance to roe
+deer, salmon, and grouse.
+
+They were on Devonshire ground before they ever began to rejoice over
+Edmund's engagement, and from thence to talk of Edmund himself. Gerald
+pronounced many an eulogium on him, in which praises of his excellence
+as a fisherman and sportsman were strangely mixed with a real genuine
+appreciation of his goodness and superiority.
+
+"'Tis a capital thing that he is come home to stay," said Gerald,
+heartily.
+
+"Isn't it?"
+
+"I like him specially," said Gerald. "Do you know he showed me some of
+my father's letters."
+
+"Did he indeed?"
+
+"That he did. It was before I was born, when he thought he was going to
+have Fern Torr and all, he had rather an idle fit, and these were what
+papa wrote to him."
+
+"Was Edmund ever idle?" exclaimed Marian, falling into a reverie of
+wonder whether this did not make it more hopeful for Gerald.
+
+"I am very glad he has got this money," proceeded Gerald. "I only wish
+it was more. One letter he showed me that was best of all. It was from
+my father when I was born. You can't think what a nice letter it was.
+There was something about its being a disappointment to him--to Edmund,
+I mean, but how papa cared for him as much as ever, and thought after
+all it might be better for him in the end. And then, Marian, papa said
+he could hardly expect to live till I was grown up, and he asked Edmund
+to be my godfather, and said he trusted to him to be like an elder
+brother to us."
+
+"That he is!" murmured Marian.
+
+"Edmund said he wished me to read it that I might not think him
+interfering."
+
+"You never could have thought so!"
+
+"I don't know. I could not have stood it from some people, but I could
+see the sense of what Edmund said."
+
+Without entering into particulars, Gerald was now all freedom and
+openness, casting quite away the restraint that had so long grieved his
+sister. How happy she was!
+
+Mr. Wortley himself met them at Exeter, and in spite of the early
+darkness of the winter day, Charles and James met them at the foot of
+Blackstone hill, and Edmund and Agnes were a little further on.
+
+What a happy greeting it was! Marian and Gerald would jump out and walk
+home with them, the boys ran and called in the dark, the stars came out
+overhead, the tall hedges kept out all the glimmering light, splashes
+alone made them aware of the puddles; but on the happy party tramped,
+all talking an unmitigated flow of merry nonsense, laughing and enjoying
+it, all the more the darker and stranger it grew, and merrier than all,
+when they got home, at Mrs. Wortley's dismay at their having dragged
+Marian a mile and a half, in the dark and dirt, after her long journey.
+"Pretty guardians to have the care of her!"
+
+All the evening again there was nothing but fun and joyousness, fun of
+the brightest, happiest kind, positively wild in the three boys, and
+Edmund not much less so, the girls weary with laughing, and contributing
+their share to the sport. A person must have lived like Marian, pent up
+by formalities and the certainty of being disliked, to know what was
+the enjoyment of the perfect liberty and absence from constraint, the
+thorough home-like feeling of every one loving and understanding each
+other, which existed at Fern Torr. How delightful it was to have no
+heart achings for Gerald, to see Edmund just like his old self, and the
+dear Agnes, so very lovely and bright! so very unlike her only former
+experience of betrothed lovers. It was no small happiness to the Fern
+Torr party to have one so prized and loved as Marian to rejoice with
+them, indeed, all this evening every one was too joyous to dwell on any
+of the causes of their felicity, it was nothing but high spirits, and
+unreflective mirth.
+
+When they had bidden each other good night, and were gone up stairs,
+there was more of gravity and thought. Marian and Agnes could have sat
+up talking half the night, if Mrs. Wortley would have allowed them, but
+she said Marian must have time to rest, and ruthlessly condemned her to
+bed.
+
+Never did Marian spend so happy a Christmas. There was plenty of depth
+and earnestness in her _tête-à-têtes_ with Agnes, when they talked
+over the wonders that had happened to them both, and always ended by
+returning to recollections of happy old days before Marian left
+Fern Torr, when Edmund had been the prime mover of every delightful
+adventure. Marian was as good as a sister to each of the lovers, so
+heartily did she help each one to admire the other. Or when they were
+"lovering," as the boys chose to call their interminable wanderings in
+the manor gardens, Marian used to be extremely happy with Mrs. Wortley,
+talking over the history of the engagement, and settling how and when
+the love began. Mr. Wortley suggested that the first attraction had been
+Agnes' unmitigated horror of the Lyddells, which he declared had won Mr.
+Arundel's heart, though he never owned how much he participated in it.
+It needs not to be stated how Edmund's noble behaviour was appreciated,
+more especially after the new lights which Marian was able to throw upon
+it.
+
+Then came the discussion of the plans for the house which Edmund was to
+build, on a farm, which had come into the market at the very nick of
+time, just on the other side of the hill, and in Fern Torr parish.
+Marian and Gerald were taken the first day to look and advise whether
+the new house should be on the old site, or under the shelter of a great
+old slate quarry, crested with a wood, a beautiful view spread before
+it, and capacities for making the loveliest garden that was ever seen.
+
+Edmund sketched house and garden in every possible point of view, each
+prettier than the other, and all the young gave their voices eagerly for
+the quarry, while the old protested on the difficulty of getting so far
+up the hill, and suggested damp. But the young carried the day, and the
+plans were drawn and debated on a dozen times in twenty-four hours,
+always including the prettiest of little sitting-rooms for Marian, with
+a window opening into the garden, and a door into the drawing-room, and
+then came letters to architects and calculations with builders, and
+reckonings that the house should be habitable by next September, and Mr.
+Wortley laughing at their credulity for expecting it.
+
+Marian was surprised to find how far away and secondary seemed the
+thoughts that had of late engrossed her entirely. She wondered to
+discover how little her mind had been occupied with Caroline and Lionel,
+fond as she was of them and very anxious about them. This was so very
+different a world! and she felt so much more as if she belonged to it.
+She obtained from Agnes some admiration for Caroline's conduct, though
+in somewhat of the "better late than never" style, and at the price of
+warm abuse of the parents, in which Marian was not indisposed to join.
+
+Caroline wrote nearly every day, saying that she missed Marian
+dreadfully, and that her letters were the only comfort she had; she
+would not wish her back again, for that would be selfish, but it would
+be a joyful day when she returned. These constant letters, which Marian
+always kept to herself, rather surprised the Wortleys, but Edmund could
+better guess at her position. "Depend upon it," he said to Agnes, "it is
+she who has saved Miss Lyddell."
+
+"O, Edmund! do you think so? I wanted to have thought so, but she says
+it was the brother."
+
+"He took the steps which would not have become Marian, but Walter
+Lyddell could never have moved without his sister, and where could she
+have found the principle but in Marian? I see now that her perseverance
+in right is beginning to tell on those around her, in spite of all
+untoward circumstances."
+
+"I don't know anything like Marian!" said Agnes. "How very fine her
+countenance is!"
+
+"That steadfast brow and lip."
+
+"I saw her yesterday standing on the edge of a rock looking out on the
+view, and she was like some statue of Fortitude."
+
+"Yes, Marian is a grand creature," said Edmund; "so strong and firm, yet
+with such feminine, retiring strength. There are still prejudices
+and little roughnesses, but I doubt whether they have not been her
+safeguard, outworks to secure the building, and I think they are
+disappearing with the occasion."
+
+"Ah! papa and mamma think her very much softened down."
+
+"She has had a very hard part to act, and her shyness and rigidity have
+been great helps to her, but I am glad to see them wearing away, and
+especially pleasant it is to see her expand and show her true self
+here."
+
+"And to know she may soon be free of them all for ever!" said Agnes.
+
+The time when Marian was to be free of them for ever, as Agnes said,
+was to be the next summer. Edmund and Agnes were to be married in July,
+Marian would then come to Fern Torr, and comfort Mrs. Wortley for losing
+her daughter, till the holidays began, when Edmund and Agnes would
+return, and some undefined scheme of delight was to be settled on for
+Gerald's holidays, until the house should be ready. Gerald was in the
+meantime very agreeable and satisfactory on the whole. He was too busy
+drawing varieties of stables for Edmund, to talk about his own, and
+marvellous were the portraits of the inhabitants with which he would
+decorate Edmund's elevations, whenever he found them straying about
+the room. Very mischievous indeed was the young gentleman, and Marian
+considered him to have been "a great deal too bad" when on a neat,
+finished plan, just prepared to be sent to the builder, she found
+unmistakeable likenesses of the whole Wortley family, herself and
+Gerald, assembled round a great bowl of punch, large enough to drown
+them all, drinking to the health of Edmund and Agnes, who were riding in
+at the gate, pillion fashion, supposed to be returning after the honey
+moon, which in one corner of the picture was represented in a most
+waning state, but the man in the moon squinting down at them with a
+peculiarly benignant expression of countenance.
+
+Marian was very angry, but Edmund and Agnes would do nothing but laugh,
+though the whole plan had to be drawn over again, and Edmund was kept at
+work with ruler, scale, and compasses the whole evening, Marian scolding
+Gerald all the time, and Edmund too, for spoiling him, thinking her
+cousin the most heroically good natured and good tempered man in the
+world to bear with such an idle monkey, and laugh at the waste of time
+and trouble; and getting at last a glimmering perception that these
+tricks, thus met, were the greatest proof of good understanding and
+friendship. It ended in Gerald's inking in the plan, of his own free
+will, and very neatly, and getting up at six, the next morning, to ride
+to Exeter, in the dark cold misty December twilight, to take it to the
+builder, that no time might be lost; indeed, as he boasted, it was there
+a quarter of an hour before it would have come by post, as it would have
+done had it gone yesterday.
+
+Gerald's studies were not extensive, but Edmund, by some magic secret,
+unknown to Marian, made him read history to himself for a short space
+every morning. The sporting paper had disappeared, and nothing was heard
+of Elliot or of Queen Pomare, while though he could not yet go the
+length of talking to the poor people himself, he stood by very civilly
+while Edmund talked to them.
+
+The first ten days of Marian's stay had thus passed, when Caroline one
+day mentioned in her letter that mamma had a regularly bad influenza
+cold, and was quite laid up. It was aggravated, Caroline said, by the
+distress they were all in about Elliot. "But you will hear enough of
+this when you come back," wrote she, "so I will not grieve you with
+it now; though it is an additional load upon my mind--an additional
+offence, I fear, in poor mamma's eyes, since all this would not have
+come to light had I persisted. But you must not think I am repenting,
+for I never was further from regretting what I have done. The different
+spirit in which I could come to this Christmas feast, is a blessing to
+be purchased at any price, even at such wretchedness as it has been this
+autumn; and most earnestly do I thank you, dearest Marian. I can thank
+you by letter, though we never can speak of such things. Yes, I thank
+you. I regret nothing but my previous folly and weakness, and bitterly
+do I suffer for them; though all is better now, and Christmas has
+brought me peace and calm. It is as if the storm was lulled at last, and
+nothing left but dreariness, and the longing to be at rest. How bright
+the world was before me not a year ago! and now how worn out it
+seems,--only three comforts left in it, you, and Walter, and poor
+Lionel. For Lionel is a comfort; he is very kind and considerate, and, I
+do believe, softens mamma towards me. I suppose it is best for us that
+our hearts should have no home but one above; and if I was sure it was
+not disgust and disappointment, I should hope I was seeking one there;
+for I know the only feeling of rest and refreshment is in turning
+thither, and surely that must come from the FATHER, Who is ready to
+receive me. But I must leave off, for mamma is too unwell to be long
+left.
+
+"Your most affectionate
+
+"CAROLINE LYDDELL."
+
+
+After this, the letters, hitherto constant, ceased entirely, and Marian
+grew very uneasy. Her mother had died of influenza, so that the name
+gave her a fatal impression; and she dreaded to hear that Mrs. Lyddell
+was very ill, or that Caroline was ill herself. Another week, and at
+length she heard from Clara, in answer to a letter of inquiry, and to
+fix the day of her return.
+
+
+  "Oakworthy, Jan. 7th.
+
+  "MY DEAR MARIAN,--Caroline desires me to write to
+  tell you, with her love, that she has this horrid influenza, and
+  has been in bed since Monday. She is very feverish, and
+  her throat so sore that she can hardly speak or swallow.
+  Sarah sat up with her last night, and I think she is a little
+  better this morning. Mamma is better, but only gets up for
+  a little while in the evening, and cannot leave her room. I
+  wish you were at home, for I don't know what to do: I am
+  running backwards and forwards between the two rooms all
+  day, and poor Lionel is so forlorn and solitary down stairs,
+  with only papa. There!--that great blot was a tear, for I
+  am so worn out with fatigue and nursing, that I am almost
+  overcome. This winter I was to have come out,--how very
+  different! I forgot to tell you, after all, that the carriage
+  shall meet you, as you mention, on the 15th. I wish it was
+  directly; they will be all well by the time you come. But
+  it is so very forlorn, and I am so nervous; so excuse this
+  scrawl.
+
+  "Your affectionate cousin,
+
+  "CLARA LYDDELL."
+
+As soon as Marian read this letter, she gave it to Edmund, saying, "I
+think I had better go home."
+
+"O, Marian, you must not cheat us!" cried Agnes.
+
+"I think they would be very glad of you," said Edmund, and withal
+Marian's mind was made up, and she withstood all the persuasions
+of Gerald and Agnes that it was nothing--nonsense--only Clara's
+dismality--they would laugh at her for coming for nothing. No; Marian
+knew she was no nurse, but she could not bear to think of Lionel left to
+his blindness and helplessness, still less of Caroline, ill, and with no
+one to cheer her. She was sure she was wanted by those two at least, and
+she resolved that she would be at Oakworthy to-morrow evening, wrote
+notice of her intention to Clara, and prepared for her journey, giving
+up that precious last week, so prized because it was the last. She could
+go alone with her maid; there was no use in spoiling Gerald's holidays;
+so he would stay for all the delights that she gave up, ruining all by
+her absence, as every one declared.
+
+Agnes grumbled and scolded her to her face, but made up for it out of
+hearing, by admiring her more than ever. Mr. and Mrs. Wortley gave her
+silent approval, and the boys would not wish her a pleasant journey. She
+was ready early the next morning, and once more left Fern Torr, bright
+with the promise that, when she was there next, it would be no more a
+guest.
+
+She prosperously arrived at the station nearest Oakworthy, and soon saw
+the servant waiting for her. "Is Miss Lyddell better?"
+
+"A little better than last night, ma'am. Mr. Lionel is in the carriage."
+
+Marian had not at all expected any one to meet her, especially Lionel,
+coming all this distance in silence and darkness. She hastened to the
+carriage, and saw him leaning forward, listening for her. His face
+lighted up at her, "Well, Lionel," and he fairly hurt her, by the
+tightness of his grasp, when once he had met her hand. "So, you're come!
+What a time it has been since you went! Now you are come, I don't care."
+
+"And how are you?" she asked anxiously.
+
+"Bad enough to be going back to the oculist next week," he answered; "I
+can't even see the light."
+
+A long silence; then, "How is Caroline?"
+
+"Pretty much the same; it is a bad, feverish cold, and shocking throat.
+She breathes as if she was half stifled, and can hardly speak."
+
+"I suppose she has Mr. Wells?"
+
+"Yes, two or three times a day,"
+
+"And Mrs. Lyddell is better?"
+
+"Better, but not out of her room. It has been a tolerable state of
+things of late. Not a creature to speak to, except, now and then, Clara
+coming down to maunder and sigh over all she has to do, and my father,
+who has been thoroughly in a rage about Elliot. Do you know about all
+that, Marian?"
+
+"No," she answered.
+
+"It is out now, why he was so set upon Caroline's marriage, he had got
+Faulkner to back a bill for him; you don't know what that means, I
+suppose," said Lionel, with his old superior manner;--"made him engage
+that the money Elliot borrowed should be paid. There was to be some
+shuffle between them about her fortune it seems; so after the engagement
+was off, when the bill became due, Faulkner sent the holder of it to
+my father for the money and the news of this set on all the other
+creditors. No end of bills coming in, and he has been pretty nearly
+crazy among them; says we shall be beggars, and I don't know what all! I
+vow, it is my old plan coming right!" cried Lionel vehemently. "If the
+man in London can but set my eyes to rights, I'd be off to Australia
+to-morrow, instead of staying here to make all worse. Well, it's no use
+thinking of it: if ever I make my fortune now, it will be with a dog in
+a string, and a hat in his mouth."
+
+"But go on, Lionel; are the debts so very bad?"
+
+"I believe they are indeed, and no one knows the worst of them yet. No
+wonder Elliot was off to Paris in such a hurry, like a coward as he is,
+no one knows how he is ever to come back! And worst of all is to have
+mamma going about saying 'tis Caroline's fault! Hadn't I rather come to
+the hat and dog in good earnest than to see her marry that man? Why,
+Marian, he is actually engaged to Miss Dashwood! What do you say to
+that? To the Radical Dashwood's daughter that behaved so shamefully to
+papa!"
+
+"The daughter?"
+
+"No, the man. Fit company for the apostate, isn't it? He had better have
+begun with her. Fine love his must have been. Only six weeks. Should not
+that cure Caroline?"
+
+"Has she heard it?"
+
+"No, we have only known it since she was ill, and Clara thought she had
+better not tell her."
+
+"Very right of Clara," said Marian; "but I think she will be glad, when
+she is well enough to be told."
+
+Fast and eagerly did Marian and Lionel talk all the way, sometimes
+gravely and sorrowfully about Elliot and Caroline, sometimes cheerfully
+about Fern Torr, Edmund, and Gerald, of whom Lionel wanted much to hear.
+He clapped his hands, and danced himself up and down with ecstasy at the
+history of Gerald's embellishments of the plans, vowed that Gerald was a
+Trojan, and that it was as good as Beauty and the Beast, and seemed to
+be enjoying a perfect holiday in having some one to speak to again.
+"But," he said, "what a horrid bore it must have been to you to come
+away!"
+
+"I thought I might be some help to Clara."
+
+"Did she make you think Caroline so very ill? Mr. Wells says it is only
+a very bad cold. But I am very glad you are come."
+
+Clara met Marian in the hall. "O Marian, I am glad you are come, but
+I am sorry you came home in such a hurry. Mamma says there was no
+occasion, and that I need not have frightened you, for it is only a bad
+attack of influenza."
+
+"Then I hope Caroline Is better."
+
+"Yes, rather, and she will be so glad to see you. Come to her at once,
+won't you? she heard the carriage, and is watching for you."
+
+Marian hastily followed Clara to Caroline's room. In a few seconds both
+Caroline's arms were thrown round her neck, and a burning feverish face
+pressed to hers, then as she raised herself again, one of her hands
+still held fast, and Caroline lay looking up to her with an expression
+of relief and comfort. "Thank you," she murmured, in a hoarse low
+painful whisper, the sound of which gave an impression of dismay to
+Marian. Caroline was far worse than she had been prepared to sec her.
+That loud, oppressed, gasping breathing, the burning fever of hands and
+cheek, the parched lips,--this was far more than ordinary influenza.
+Marian stood watching her a little while; speaking now and then, until
+she closed her eyes in weariness, not for sleep, when she was about to
+leave the room, but Caroline looked up again anxiously and restlessly,
+and tried to say, "Come back."
+
+"Yes, I'll come in a moment," said Marian, "I'll only just take off my
+bonnet, and go and see Mrs. Lyddell, if I may."
+
+"O, yes, she is up, she knows you are come," said Clara, and Marian was
+presently knocking at Mrs. Lyddell's door.
+
+She found her sitting by the fire in a large easy chair, in her
+dressing-gown and shawl, and was surprised at the first sight of her
+too, for that very weakening complaint, the influenza, had made a great
+change in her, perhaps assisted by all that she had gone through during
+the last summer and autumn, beginning with the parting with John, the
+grief and anxiety for Lionel, the disappointment and warfare with
+Caroline, and worse than all, the discoveries respecting her eldest and
+favourite son. She looked a dozen years older, all the clearness of her
+complexion was gone, and the colouring that remained, as if ingrained,
+was worse than paleness; her hand shook with weakness, and the only
+trace of her prompt, decided activity was in the nervous agitation of
+her movements, and the querulous sharpness of her tones, as if her
+weakness was irritating to her.
+
+"Marian, how are you? I am sorry you have cut short your visit to
+come back to a sick house. I am afraid Clara has been alarming you
+needlessly."
+
+"I am very sorry to find you so unwell," said Marian; "I thought Clara
+would want some help."
+
+"Thank you, it was very kind," said Mrs. Lyddell, rather sharply, as if
+her thanks were only for form's sake. "Have you seen Caroline?"
+
+"Yes, and I am afraid she is very ill. Such a terrible oppression on her
+breath."
+
+"Ah! so Clara says. Mr. Wells has been applying mustard poultices."
+
+"Have you had no further advice?" said Marian.
+
+"No. He managed me very well; he is perfectly competent to attend an
+influenza such as this--a very simple affair."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was evidently under the unreasonable infatuation that so
+many people are subject to, who will go on trusting their favourite
+apothecary, in spite of proofs that he is not to be trusted; but Marian,
+in her short life, had heard a good deal of doctors, and whether
+reasonably or not, had imbibed a distrust of country practitioners,
+which Lionel's misfortune had not tended to remove in Mr. Wells' case.
+Indeed, she had a particular dislike to the man, with his soft manner,
+love of set speeches and fine words, and resolution not to own that
+anything was the matter. There were stories abroad in the neighbourhood
+of his treating cases wrongly because he would not own they were beyond
+his skill.
+
+"Mrs. Lyddell," said she, very earnestly, "I do believe that Caroline is
+very ill. I think her throat is in a very alarming state, and I should
+not be at all satisfied to go on with no further advice."
+
+Mrs. Lyddell made some answer about girls being easily frightened, and
+Marian went back to Caroline, very unhappy and anxious, and trying to
+find comfort by telling herself that the cure does not depend alone on
+the physician.
+
+However, the words she had spoken were not without effect. Mrs.
+Lyddell's answer had been prompted by her first impulse of dislike and
+opposition, as if Marian was taking still further upon her; but she
+became very anxious when left alone. She thought that Marian's fresh eye
+might be better able to judge of the degree of Caroline's illness; she
+remembered how she had reproached herself about Lionel, and at last
+worked herself into such a state of alarm and anxiety, that though she
+had not yet walked further than to the window, she rose, left her room,
+and presently was by her daughter's bed-side.
+
+There needed no more to convince her that Caroline was excessively ill,
+and quick and prompt as ever, her first measure was to send Clara for
+her father, and hold a consultation with him outside the door; a message
+was despatched to hasten Mr. Wells, and the result was that a physician
+was sent for. Marian, who had all this time been watching the severe
+suffering, unable to do the least thing to alleviate it, was almost as
+glad as if she had been told of Caroline's certain recovery. She had
+again to tell herself not to put her trust in physicians.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+  "Preach, read, and study as we will,
+  Death is the mighty teacher still."
+
+  _Baptistery_.
+
+
+Caroline continued very ill all the evening, hardly able to to look up,
+and every attempt to speak or swallow causing her great pain. Her mother
+would not leave her again, and sat watching her, and she smiled, and
+gave a pleased look of surprise at her kindness, which she had so long
+missed; but her chief comfort seemed to be in Marian's presence. She
+followed her about the room with her eyes, and was uneasy whenever she
+fancied that she was going out of the room.
+
+She was not told that the physician was coming till he was actually
+in the house, and then she gave Marian a quick, sharp look of alarmed
+inquiry; but Marian was not able to answer, as she had to leave her to
+his visit. When it was over, and Marian returned, while Mrs. Lyddell
+went to hear his opinion, Caroline was striving hard to speak. Marian
+bent over her, and at last heard one word gasped out--"Walter."
+
+"Yes, I will tell Mr. Lyddell; he shall be sent for, dearest," said
+Marian; and Caroline seemed satisfied.
+
+It was long before Marian had an opportunity of hearing what the
+physician's opinion had been, and there was little comfort in it. It was
+a very severe case of inflammation in the windpipe, and the only hope of
+subduing it was in instant recourse to strong remedies. How badly it
+was thought of she saw plainly enough, without words, in Mr. Lyddell's
+restless, hasty manner, and in the exertions which Mrs. Lyddell was
+allowed to make, at a time when she ought to have been in her bed. The
+worst sign of all was, it seemed to her, that as soon as she mentioned
+Caroline's wish to see Walter, Mr. Lyddell took measures for sending a
+letter at once by the railroad, instead of waiting for the post, which
+would have made a delay of two days.
+
+Lionel sat meanwhile, by himself in the drawing room, or was found
+wandering on the stairs, anxiously listening. Marian came on him once,
+and had exclaimed at finding him in the dark, before she remembered that
+it made no difference to him. She was in haste to fetch something
+for Caroline and could do nothing for him but say the sad words, "No
+better."
+
+All night Mrs. Lyddell and Marian stayed with Caroline; the one because
+she could not bear to go, the other because she could not be spared.
+Mrs. Lyddell would not acknowledge the extent of the danger to herself,
+far less allow any hint of it to come to Caroline; and for this Marian
+was sorry, though she was sure that Caroline was conscious of it
+herself; but with Mrs. Lyddell always present, it was impossible to read
+any of the things that would have been the only support at such a time.
+Poor Caroline could not speak to ask for them, and as if her mother
+feared they would bring death, she seemed to be watching Marian
+jealously to prevent the least approach to them.
+
+It was a terrible night; the applications did nothing but cause
+suffering, instead of removing the disorder,--the oppression grew more
+and more severe,--each breath more painful; the two watchers hardly
+dared to meet each other's eyes, and Caroline was in too much pain,
+too oppressed and overwhelmed, to give any token how far the mind and
+thought was awake within her. Such another day succeeded, every hour
+extinguishing some faint hope, and bringing the dread certainty more
+fully upon them. There was little or nothing to be done: they could only
+watch the sufferer, and try to glean her wishes from her looks; but
+these usually expressed more of pain than aught else, and no one could
+tell whether the ear and thought were free. One, at least, who sat
+beside her prayed fervently, and trusted in hope and love; holding fast
+by the certainty that Caroline had embraced the good part, and given up
+the allurements of the world, in health, for the sake of the treasure to
+which she was hastening. That last letter of her's was surely a proof
+that she was ready; and who could wish to detain that worn, harassed
+spirit from the repose where earthly cares shall "cease from troubling,
+and where the weary are at rest?" Yet how Marian loved and clung to her,
+and felt as if she could never bear to part, and lose the affection that
+had been so long kept off by her own repulsive demeanour, but that
+was so ardent and unreserved! How grievous to think of the blooming,
+life-like creature that she was so lately, now so suddenly cut down!
+
+Hour after hour went by, bringing no change for the better. Day had
+faded into twilight, and twilight became night. Midnight had come, and
+Marian was still sitting, as she had done for more than an hour, holding
+up the faint head; for Caroline could no longer breathe in a recumbent
+posture, and sat partly supported on pillows, partly resting on Marian's
+shoulder. Her eyes were shut, and she seemed unconscious; it might be
+that she slept, but the features were full of suffering, and Marian
+could feel each of her breaths, gasping and convulsive. Her mother hung
+over her, feeling her pulse, sometimes sitting, sometimes standing,
+or walking to the foot of the bed to speak to Mr. Lyddell, or to the
+apothecary, in the restless misery of despair. Mr. Lyddell came in and
+out, unable to bear the sight, yet unable to stay away. Clara had been
+too much overcome, and growing hysterical, had been sent away, and
+advised to go to bed. Lionel, too, had been sent to bed, but his room
+was in the same passage, and he lay with his door open, catching, with
+his quickened ears, at every sound in the sick room, and hearing each
+word of the hushed conferences that took place outside.
+
+A fresh tread was in the house--on the stairs--in the passage; Lionel's
+heart could not help bounding at it, as it came so softly along. It was
+the tread of the brother who, for his effort of courage and principle
+had been allowed to leave home like an exile, and treated as an
+offender. Lionel heard his father's step coming to meet him: how would
+they meet? He could hear the movement as their hands grasped together,
+and then Mr. Lyddell's smothered, choked whisper, "Only just in time,
+Walter! she won't know you. Come!"
+
+"Is it so?" said Walter, in a low tone, as of one extremely choked and
+overwhelmed.
+
+A sort of sob came before the answer, "Going fast."
+
+The steps moved on; Lionel could not stay where he was, dressed himself,
+and felt his way to the sick room. He heard the stifled breathings: he
+felt onward,--found he had hold of the bed-post, and leant against it,
+unheeded by all, so intently were all watching Caroline.
+
+"Speak to her," was the first thing he heard whispered by the doctor.
+
+"Caroline!" said Walter's trembling voice, "dear Caroline!"
+
+Poor Lionel could not see how, at the call, the dark blue eyes once more
+opened, and looked up in Walter's face; he only heard the steadier tone
+in which the brother said the ministerial words, "Peace be with this
+house!"
+
+The solemn calmness of the tone came gently and soothingly upon Lionel's
+ear; and withal there spread over Caroline's face a gleam of joy, and
+then a quiet stillness, as of a freedom from suffering. There was an
+interval--a gasp--another interval--another gasp--a pause--
+
+Marian's voice was the first, and very low and awe-struck. "It has been
+without a struggle."
+
+A slight cry from his mother, and a confused movement, as if they were
+lifting something--steps--he stood still, and the next moment felt
+Marian's hand on his arm. "Mrs. Lyddell has fainted," said she, in
+explanation; "Mr. Lyddell and Walter are taking her to her own room,"
+
+Lionel clasped Marian's hand very tight, and each felt how the other was
+trembling. "We must come away," said Marian; then hesitating, and with a
+quivering whisper, she said, "Would you like to kiss her?"
+
+"Yes, let me!"
+
+It was strange to guide the blind brother to kiss the white brow of the
+dead sister. Marian's throat was aching to such a degree with intense
+feeling, that she could hardly utter a word; but Lionel, who could not
+see, must hear. "She looks so calm, so sweet," said Marian struggling,
+"but I must go to your mother. Let me take you to your room; I'll send
+Walter to you. Lionel, Lionel, indeed she is happy!" said Marian,
+earnestly, while Lionel burst into a flood of tears, wholesome tears, as
+she led him from the room.
+
+She thought Walter would be the greatest comfort to him; and
+recollecting Mrs. Lyddell had no woman with her but her maid, she told
+Lionel she must go to his mother, ran down, and met Walter waiting in
+the dressing-room. "Is she recovering?"
+
+"A little."
+
+"Will you go to Lionel?"
+
+"This instant, but--" and he looked at her earnestly.
+
+"Yes, yes," said she hastily, "it is all right and beautiful. Here's her
+last letter; I've been reading it all day. Take it; you'll see how--"
+
+Marian's voice broke down, and she hastened to the open door of Mrs.
+Lyddell's room. There was something for her to do in attempting to
+restore her, for the maid was not helpful; and Mr. Lyddell stood at the
+foot of the bed, as if all his powers were paralysed. Mr. Wells wanted
+assistance; for Mrs. Lyddell, exhausted by watching and her previous
+weakness, was in so sinking and depressed a state, as to need the
+greatest care.
+
+Marian was employed in attending her till towards morning, when she sank
+into a sleep. "You had better go to bed," said Mr. Lyddell, very kindly,
+as Marian at length turned away from her, and stood by the fireside,
+where he was sitting in the arm-chair, his hands over his forehead "I
+must not let you overwork yourself."
+
+"O, I am not tired, if I can be of any use."
+
+"No, no, rest now, thank you," said he, in a broken, dejected tone.
+
+She went, and again found Walter in the outer room, watching for tidings
+of his mother. "Asleep," she said. "Lionel?"
+
+"Asleep too, I hope. You are going to bed?"
+
+"Yes, thank you; but Clara--"
+
+"I will go to Clara the first thing in the morning. I shall sit up on my
+father's account. Don't you think of it,--sleep as long as you can; you
+have had watching enough."
+
+"I have been so glad," Marian said, in a tear-stilled whisper.
+
+"You cannot tell how I have longed to thank you, Marian, for what you
+have been to her:" said Walter, speaking from the fulness of heart,
+which overcame his natural reserve and bashfulness. "You are thanked
+enough by our present feelings on the subject,--by that letter:--may I
+keep it a little longer?"
+
+"O yes, yes!" cried Marian, hastily, disclaiming in her heart all his
+thanks, though unable to do so with her lips.
+
+"It takes away all regret for the briefness of the illness," added
+Walter, as if the speaking of it was a satisfaction he could hardly
+relinquish.
+
+"I am sure she thought much; no one can tell what passed," said Marian,
+in a low, broken murmur.
+
+"Little did I think last summer--" said Walter, aloud to himself. "Yes,
+this is best, far best, if one could but feel it so!"
+
+Marian thought the same, and, like him, could not feel it; but unable to
+express herself, she simply said, as soon as her tears would let her,
+"Good-night," and went up to her own room.
+
+Fatigue came on her now. When she took off the dress she had worn since
+leaving Fern Torr, she found her limbs stiff and aching, and her head
+dizzy with weariness. She could hardly get through the operation of
+undressing; and when she tried to say her prayers, they would not come.
+She could only go through the LORD'S Prayer; and too worn out to be
+shocked at herself more than in a dull way, scarcely even alive to the
+recollection of what had happened, she laid herself down on the bed,
+which seemed strangely soft, but for a long time was too tired to sleep.
+With confused thoughts and exhausted spirits, she kept on feeling as
+if her aching limbs belonged to somebody else, and going off into odd,
+dreamy vagaries, each more uncomfortable than the last,--ever and anon
+waking into a moment's remembrance that Caroline was dead, wondering at
+herself for being so dull as only to think it strange, then losing the
+consciousness again. At last the light of morning made her perceptions
+clearer. Fanny knocked at her door, and brought her a cup of tea.
+She heard that all was quiet,--said she would get up; but with that
+resolution she suddenly became more easy, and while believing she was
+getting up, fell into a sound sleep.
+
+She awoke refreshed, and entirely herself again, though feeling stunned
+and bewildered by the all-pervading thought. Caroline dead! It seemed
+as if it was not otherwise with the rest of the family. Her illness had
+been so short, that there had been no time to grow familiar with the
+idea of her danger; and it was the first death in the household that had
+hitherto been so strong and confident in health,--the first touch that
+taught them how little the world they loved was an abiding-place. So
+sudden had been the stroke, that they seemed to pause and stand aghast
+under it, scarcely conscious how deep the wound might be. Her father
+went about the house, bowed down and stricken with grief, his tones low,
+sorrowful, and so gentle when speaking to his children, or to Marian,
+that they could scarcely be recognised as the same voice; but, without
+a word, so far as Marian, Clara, or Lionel knew, of his daughter, or
+of his own feelings. Her mother, already very weak, and suffering most
+acutely from the remembrance of the coldness with which she had treated
+her during the last autumn, became so seriously unwell, between a
+return of influenza, and her extreme depression and nervous hysterical
+agitation, that Marian and Clara were almost entirely occupied in
+nursing her, and trying to soothe her. In this work they were little
+successful. Marian had no hold on her affection, no power of talking
+soothingly, though most anxious to do what she could, and distressed
+excessively by her inability to be a comfort in the painful scenes which
+she was obliged to witness. She almost thought her presence made things
+worse, and that Mrs. Lyddell wished her away; but poor Clara was so
+entirely helpless and frightened, clung to her in so imploring a way,
+and was so incapable, from the restraint that had always subsisted
+between her and her mother, of saying anything to comfort her, or
+assuming any direction, that Marian was obliged, for her sake, to be
+almost always in the room. The only thing Marian could do in the way
+of consolation was to read aloud; she could not talk of the great
+thankfulness, peace, and hope which she felt herself, to Mrs. Lyddell,
+though she could have done so a little, with time, to Lionel, or even
+Clara; she could only read, and whether this did any good, she knew not.
+At any rate, it was what she ought to do; and the sound of the voice
+going on continuously had certainly a calming effect. Walter used daily
+to come and read, but this she did not seem to like, though she never
+made any objection; and there was so much reason for guarding against
+agitation and excitement, that he, never familiar with her, could not
+venture to attempt speaking to her on the subject of which all their
+hearts were full. It was only Mr. Lyddell who had any real serviceable
+influence with her. Her hysterical attacks never came on in his
+presence, and a few affectionate words or demonstrations from him would
+soothe the very worst of them. Marian saw so much real tenderness in his
+character, that she positively began to feel considerable affection for
+him.
+
+Clara was entirely bewildered and frightened, hardly yet realizing
+that she had lost her sister; perplexed and alarmed about her mother,
+suddenly thrust forward, from being an unregarded child, into having
+all the responsibilities of the eldest daughter of a sick mother on her
+hands, she could only depend upon Marian, and hang on her for direction,
+assistance, and consolation,--say "yes" to whatever she suggested, and
+set about it; and whenever she felt lonely, sisterless, and wretched,
+lean on her, pour out her grief, and feel that she had a kind listener,
+though only a monosyllabic answerer. She used to have great fits of
+crying at night, when they passed Caroline's door; and more than once
+she was so inconsolable, that Marian was obliged to come and stay in her
+room, and sleep all night with her arm clinging round her. Altogether,
+it was very desolate and perplexing; and Marian was grieved at herself
+for dwelling more on this, and on the loss of her dear companion and
+friend, than on the hope and happiness that ought to occupy her. How
+different in the two deaths she had known before, where there was none
+of this weary, harassed, doubtful, careworn feeling; only the sorrow,
+bitter indeed as it was, of the parting, but with time and scope for
+dwelling on all thoughts of comfort, when they would come.
+
+Lionel had his brother, and was thus in the best hands; and she saw very
+little of him except at meal-times, when all were silent and subdued.
+
+So passed the week before the funeral. Only the gentlemen attended it;
+Marian and Clara stayed with Mrs. Lyddell, who went through the time
+better than they had ventured to hope. She was altogether improved, and
+was able to sit up a little in the evening. Lionel was to go the next
+day to London, to be seen by the oculist; and her sanguine mind was
+fastening itself on the hope of his recovery; and though there was
+too much danger that she was only hoping in order to be the more
+disappointed, yet the present relief was great.
+
+Marian and Clara went down to dinner somewhat cheered, and hoping to
+carry satisfaction with them; but there was a deeper despondency in Mr.
+Lyddell's air than ever. He scarcely seemed to know what he was doing;
+and when at last dinner was over, he rose up, stood by the fire a
+moment, coughed, said to Walter, "You tell them," and ran upstairs.
+
+There was a silence: each of the three dreaded to ask what was the
+matter; Walter did not know how to begin. Marian began to think it was
+some family misfortune, better mentioned in her absence, and was rising
+to go away; but Walter exclaimed, "No, don't go, Marian; all the world
+must know it soon, I fear."
+
+"Not Johnny!" cried Clara. "O, Walter, Walter, don't let it be Johnny!"
+
+"No," said Lionel; "I know it is something more about Elliot. Is it very
+bad indeed, Walter?"
+
+"Very; I do not think he is going to tell my mother the full extent.
+There was a letter from Paris this morning, from Captain Evans, saying
+he thought it right that my father should be warned that Elliot is going
+on there in his old way, and worse still, is reported to be on the brink
+of a ruinous marriage."
+
+Clara was the first to break the silence of consternation. "Marriage!
+and now! a Frenchwoman! O Walter, Walter it can't be true! he can't do
+it now, at any rate!"
+
+"There is some hope that this may make a delay: it is the one chance
+that my father trusts to," said Walter. "The history seems to be this,
+as far as I can understand. When the discovery of all these debts came
+on my father, he wrote Elliot a very indignant letter, refusing to be
+answerable for any of them except that which Faulkner had guaranteed
+which of course he paid at once. This letter seems to have stirred
+Elliot up into a fit of passion; he went on more recklessly than ever,
+and now is getting drawn into this miserable connection."
+
+"Yes, just like Elliot!" said Lionel. "And what is papa going to do?"
+
+"He means to go to Paris at once, sacrifice any thing, pay all the debts
+at any cost, if he can only bring Elliot back with him, and save him
+from ruining himself entirely."
+
+"But he is not going to tell mamma about the marriage, I hope?" said
+Clara.
+
+"No, he will leave her to think it is only the old story, and that he
+wants to see if anything can be done about the debts. There is a hope
+that the news he must have had by this time may have checked him."
+
+"Perhaps it may be bringing him home," said Marian.
+
+"No, I fear he is too much involved to venture to England."
+
+Again following a silence; no one could think of anything consoling to
+suggest; all were unwilling to heap censure upon one who deserved it but
+too richly. Only Lionel was heard to give a sort of groan, find after a
+time Clara asked, "Is it a Frenchwoman?"
+
+"Yes," said Walter; "a person connected with the theatres."
+
+The four again sat in mournful silence.
+
+"I suppose," said Lionel at length, "that my going to London had better
+be put off till he comes back."
+
+"No," said Walter, "he wishes that to be done at once. We are all three
+to go to London to-morrow, as was settled before; he will go with you to
+see the oculist, and on to Dover by the night-train; and if the oculist
+wishes to keep you, I shall stay with you in London till he comes back,
+or till my mother and the rest can come."
+
+"Thank you," said Lionel, sighing; "I wish I could help it! Is not it
+leaving a pretty state of things behind us, though? not that we are any
+great good to the ladies to be sure!"
+
+"Yes, it is leaving you at a very sad time," said Walter, looking at the
+two girls, "but we are hardly able to be of much use to my mother, and
+if there was any prospect of your improvement, that they all say would
+do her more good than anything else. However, my father said that must
+be according to your feelings, Clara and Marian, if you were afraid to
+be left with the charge of her, I would remain."
+
+One of Walter's awkward ways of putting the question, and it instantly
+suggested to Clara to be afraid.
+
+"I am sure I shan't know what to do. Only think, Marian, for us to be
+left--what should we do if mamma was to get suddenly worse? We should
+have no one to help us, I shall be in such a nervous state, I could do
+no good."
+
+"No, no, Clara, you won't," said Marian, whilst Walter had begun to
+look in consternation at Clara. "Nobody ever has nerves when there is
+anything to be done. You know Mrs. Lyddell is much better."
+
+"O but she will be so very unhappy and excited about papa's being
+gone, and I am sure I shall never be able to conceal from her all this
+dreadful business about Elliot."
+
+"Yes, you will," said Marian quietly. "We shall do very well indeed, it
+cannot be for long, and if we wanted him we could get Walter home in a
+few hours' time. If he can send us good news of Lionel, it will help us
+much more than his staying here could do."
+
+"If dear Caroline,"--and Clara burst into a fit of weeping, which
+obliged her to leave the room. Every one was feeling the same thing,
+that Caroline, with her energy, good sense, and the power she had once
+possessed with her mother, would have made all easy, and the sense of
+missing her had come strongly upon them all. Marian followed Clara to
+her own room, let her lean upon her and cry, wept with her, joined in
+saying how grievous the loss was, and how much they had loved her, and
+how they should want her every day and every hour, then called hack the
+remembrance that Caroline had not been happy here, and had longed for
+rest, and it was come to her, and they must not be selfish, but there
+Clara cried more, saying that Marian never knew what a sister was, and
+it was unkind to wish her to be glad.
+
+"I don't know," said Marian, pausing as her tears flowed fast, "I have
+known death, Clara."
+
+"You weren't glad!" said Clara passionately.
+
+"I don't know," she said thinking, and speaking with difficulty. "Not
+then, not always now, O no! But I always knew I ought to be glad, for
+dear papa had suffered so much, I could not wish it to be going on
+still--no, no. And dear mamma, when he was gone, it was a sad world for
+her, she could only have wished to stay for our sakes. Yet, after the
+first, I always felt it was right, and so will you too, Clara, in time."
+
+"If she was but here to help me!" sobbed Clara.
+
+"We must try," said Marian, "we can't be as useful and ready as she was,
+but we will do our very best. I am sure Mrs. Lyddell likes to have you
+sit with her."
+
+"Did you think so?" said Clara, ready to be cheered by any token, of
+preference.
+
+"Yes, I saw how glad she was to have you instead of me, when you came in
+from the garden."
+
+Clara looked pleased.
+
+"You will sit with her, and read to her, and I can help you when you
+have too much on your hands at once. You see it is a great comfort to
+Mr. Lyddell to have you to leave her with."
+
+The being made important was a great thing with Clara, and she was quite
+reconciled to the prospect of her charge by the time they had to go down
+stairs to tea.
+
+After tea Marian was left alone with Lionel, while Clara was with her
+mother; and Walter in consultation with Mr. Lyddell, for here at least
+was one benefit, that Walter seemed to have taken his proper place, and
+to be a real comfort and help to his father in a way he had never hoped
+for.
+
+"You've cheered up Clara, I hear in her voice," said Lionel.
+
+"O yes, we shall do very well."
+
+"Do you mind it, Marian?" said he, turning his ear towards her, as if
+to judge by the minute intonations of her answer, as people do by the
+expression of the countenance.
+
+Her reply was brave, "No, not at all."
+
+"Are you sure?"
+
+"Yes. I don't see what would be gained by keeping you and Walter here.
+She does not depend on Walter as she does on your father, and all that
+is required we can do as well without Walter in the house. It would be
+nonsense to keep you merely for the feel of having some one, and for the
+rest, I am sure Clara will be the better for being thrust forward, and
+made useful."
+
+"Very well. I should not in the least mind waiting, for I have not much
+hope myself, but it is just as well for oneself and every one else to be
+put out of one's misery as soon as possible, and settle down into it."
+
+Marian remembered how differently he had spoken half a year ago, when
+the danger first broke on him, and looking up she saw his steadfast
+though mournful face. She spoke her thought.
+
+"It has been a great thing to have this long preparation."
+
+"Yes, I am glad of it, though I have been a great plague and nuisance to
+every one, especially to you, Marian. I know what you're going to say,
+so let alone that. I wish--. But no use talking of that, she was very
+kind and we got very comfortable together after you were gone, Marian,
+and I like to remember that."
+
+"Ah! I was sure you would. And Walter read you what she said about you?"
+
+"Yes, I wish--I little knew"--then suddenly "Marian, I'll tell you
+something: one morning when you were gone, she had to read a bit of a
+chapter in the Gospel about the healing the blind man, and you can't
+think how hard she tried to get through it without breaking down, but
+she could not. She cried at last, as if she could not help it, and then
+she got up, and came and kissed me, and I felt her tears on my face. I
+didn't know what to say, but that's what I like to remember."
+
+"And the Church-going on Christmas day," whispered Marian.
+
+"Ay, she led me up," said Lionel.
+
+"Everything is so very comforting," said Marian.
+
+"So Walter says."
+
+"Lionel, do you remember the print you and Gerald gave me long ago of S.
+Margaret walking through the dark wood of this world, and subduing the
+dragon? I am sure she is like it. She had all this world before her, and
+she chose vexation and trouble instead of doing wrong! O Lionel, it is
+very noble!"
+
+"That it is," said Lionel, "only things never seem so at the time. I
+wish they did, but. I am glad my father saw it all right before, and
+said he was glad she had given him up."
+
+"Yes, that is a comfort."
+
+"My poor father!" said Lionel presently, "I never guessed he cared so
+much about--things. Do you know, Marian, I think even if I do get back
+my eyes, I could not go after the Australian bulls, unless 'twas the
+only way of getting a living."
+
+"I am glad you have put them out of your head," said Marian, smiling
+sadly.
+
+"Ay, I was very mad upon them once," said Lionel, "but I see that eyes
+or no eyes, we must set ourselves in earnest to be some sort of comfort
+to them, and if Johnny is to be always at sea, I had better not be on
+the other side of the world. If I am to see, why then it is all right;
+if not, I'll do the best I can at home."
+
+"That's right, Lionel."
+
+"I can do a good deal already, I am no trouble to any one, am I? I can
+go all over the house and park by myself, and find all my own goods
+without any one's help, and I'll do more in time, so as to be no bother
+to any one, and I do believe now they like to have me at home. Don't you
+remember, Marian," and he lowered his voice confidentially, one reason
+why I wanted to go to Australia, and make a fortune?"
+
+"Yes," said Marian, knowing that he meant his vision of winning love
+from his parents.
+
+"Well, I think," said he, "that being blind has answered as well."
+
+A silence, then he went on, "I know what you meant now about a time when
+I might he glad to have been blind. If Caroline had married that man,
+she would not have died as happily as that, and there was an end of all
+the trouble and vexation; so there will be an end to my blindness some
+time or other, and it will keep me out of lots of mischief. I don't mean
+that there is not plenty of opportunity of doing wrong as it is," he
+added, "but not so much. Better be blind than like Elliot, and perhaps I
+might have come to that."
+
+"O Lionel, it is such a comfort you can speak so!"
+
+"I've tried it now, and 'tis not so very bad," said Lionel, turning with
+an odd mixture of smile and sadness, "besides I saw almost the last of
+her face, and I should only miss her the more like her voice. I have got
+her face stored up with all of yours. You know I shan't see when any of
+you grow old and ugly, Marian. Well, and after all I am glad it is to
+be settled now, I don't think I shall mind it near so much as I should
+another time, now I have just heard all that over her grave. I got
+Walter to read it to me all over again when we came home. It has been
+very nice to have Walter."
+
+Marian guessed how Walter had strengthened and helped him, and she
+judged rightly, but she did not know how silently he listened to all
+Walter's talkings and readings, unable to pour out his full feeling to
+any one but herself.
+
+The others came in from their different quarters, it was late, and
+Marian was about to wish good night, when Walter in a low hurried voice
+said to her and Clara, "Don't go yet, my father wishes to have prayers."
+
+A moment more and the servants came in, all were kneeling, and Marian's
+tears of thankful joy were streaming fast as Walter read an evening
+prayer. Was not Caroline glad? was the thought, as she recollected that
+first morning, when all had seemed to her childish mind so dreary and
+unhallowed, and when Caroline had lamented the omission. Yes! was not
+Caroline glad, now that one of the dearest wishes of her heart had been
+gained? Was she not glad of this first token that trouble had brought a
+change over her father?
+
+Each fresh petition brought such a gush of earnest softened tears that
+Marian's face bore evident traces of them, when she rose up, and had to
+wish Mr. Lyddell good night. She did not speak, but held out her hand.
+He spoke with difficulty, "My dear," he said, "I have wished to thank
+you, but I cannot otherwise than by leaving more on your hands. Walter
+has told you how it is with us. You are kind enough to help Clara.
+I don't know what we should do without you. I rely on your judgment
+entirely."
+
+"I'll do my best," said Marian, "I am glad to be of use."
+
+"You were _her_ best friend," said Mr. Lyddell hastily. "Well, good
+night, thank you, my dear," and he kissed her forehead, as though she
+had been his own daughter.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+  "Let us be patient. These severe afflictions
+  Not from the ground arise
+  But oftentimes celestial benedictions
+  Assume this dark disguise.
+
+  "We see but dimly through the mists and vapours
+  Amid these earthly damps
+  What seems to us but sad funereal tapers
+  May be heaven's distant lamps."
+
+  LONGFELLOW.
+
+
+There were morning prayers before the hurried breakfast, which was
+interspersed with numerous directions about what was to be done for Mrs.
+Lyddell, and what letters were to be sent after Mr. Lyddell. Lionel was
+grave and silent, as became one whose fate was in the balance, without
+either shrinking or bravado; but somewhat as if he was more inclined,
+than had been the case last night, to hope for a favorable result.
+With heartfelt prayers did Marian watch him as be crossed the hall and
+entered the carriage, calling out a cheerful good-bye,--prayers that, if
+it were the will of Heaven, his affliction might be removed; but that if
+not, help might be given him to turn it into a blessing, as he seemed
+almost to be beginning to do. His father, too,--little had Marian ever
+thought to feel for him the affectionate compassion and sympathy, of
+which she was now sensible, as she responded to his kind, fatherly
+farewell, and thought of what he must be feeling; obliged to leave his
+wife in so anxious and suffering a state; his daughter, the pride of the
+family, removed so suddenly; his most promising son probably blind for
+life; his eldest, a grief, pain, and shame to them all. Marian must pray
+for him too, that he might be supported and aided through these most
+bitter trials, and that the work which they had begun in him might go on
+and be perfected; that these troubles, grievous as they were, might in
+his ease also turn to blessings.
+
+The occupation of the two girls was all day the care of Mrs. Lyddell.
+She was not worse, as far as bodily ailments went; the attack of cold,
+brought on by leaving her room to attend on Caroline, had gone off,
+and her strength was in some degree returning; but she was restless,
+excited, irritable, and with an inability to restrain herself, that was
+more alarming than Marian liked to own to herself, far less to Clara.
+
+She insisted on getting up at an earlier hour than she had hitherto
+attempted; she was worn out and wearied with dressing; she was impatient
+and vexed with Clara, for some mistake about her pillows; and the
+trembling of her hand, as she was eating some broth, was uncontrollable.
+The broth was not what she liked, and she would send for the
+housekeeper, to reprove her about it; asked questions about the
+arrangements, found them not as she wished; spoke sharply, said no one
+took heed to anything while she was ill, and then burst into a fit of
+weeping at the thought of the daughter who would have been able to
+supply her place.
+
+This spent itself, (for the girls were unable to do anything effectual
+in soothing it away); the doctors made their daily visit, and cheered
+her up a little. The consequence of this exhilaration was, that she
+began talking about Lionel, and anticipating his perfect recovery;
+arranging how they were all to go and join him in London, and working
+herself up to a state of great excitement; pettish with Marian for not
+being able to answer her hopefully, and at last, hysterically laughing
+at the picture she drew of Lionel with restored sight.
+
+Marian asked if she would be read to, and took up a serious book, with
+which she had put her to sleep two or three times before, but nothing
+of the kind would she hear; and as the best chance of at least quieting
+her, Marian went on a voyage of discovery among the club books down
+stairs, and brought up a book of travels, and a novel. Mrs. Lyddell
+chose the novel; it was a very exciting story, and caught the attention
+of all three. Marian grew eager about it, and was well pleased to go on;
+and so it occupied them most of the afternoon and evening, driving out a
+great deal of care, as Marian could not help gratefully acknowledging,
+though she would willingly have had space to work out with herself the
+question, whether care had best be driven out or grappled with. Mrs.
+Lyddell was indeed in no state to grapple with it, and there was nothing
+to be done but to take the best present means of distracting her
+attention; yet it was to be feared that, though put aside, the enemy was
+not conquered,--and might there not be worse to come?
+
+It was about half-past seven and the two girls were drinking tea with
+Mrs. Lyddell in her room. She was just beginning to make herself unhappy
+about Mr. Lyddell's late journey and night-voyage, when there was a tap
+at the door, and on the answer, "Come in!" it opened, and Lionel stood
+there.
+
+There was a sudden exclamation: they all three sprang up and looked at
+him, but alas! it was still by feeling that he came forward, though his
+countenance was cheerful, and there was a smile upon his lips.
+
+"Well, mamma," he said, in a brave, almost a lively tone, "you must
+be content to have me at home." And in answer to their broken, half
+expressed interrogations, "No, he can't do any thing for me; so it was
+not worth while to stay any longer in London. How are you this evening,
+mamma?"
+
+He was guiding himself towards her chair, one hand on the table; she
+threw herself forward to meet him, flung her arms round his neck and
+sobbed, "My boy, my poor dear boy! O Lionel! it has been all my fault
+and neglect!"
+
+"No, no, don't--don't say that, mamma!" said Lionel, extremely
+distressed by her weeping, and not knowing where to rest her, as she
+hung with her whole weight abandoned on him. Marian and Clara were
+obliged to help him, and seat her in her chair again; while she still
+wept piteously, and poor Lionel stood, hearing the sobs, and very much
+grieved. "Ought I not to have told her?" said he to Marian. "I thought
+if she saw I could bear it, it would be better than writing."
+
+"Yes, yes, you did quite right; she will be better presently."
+
+She was soon better, and leaning back on her pillows exhausted, looked
+up at the fine tall boy before her, the glow of youth and health on his
+face, spirit and enterprise in every feature,--but those large blue
+eyes, bright as they were, for ever darkened and useless.
+
+"O Lionel!" she sighed again.
+
+"The man behaved very well," said Lionel; "he did not plague me at all.
+He only pulled up my eyelids--so--and studied them, and I suppose he
+gave some sign to my father, for I heard him make a noise that showed me
+how I was; so I asked. He told me there was not a chance, and made me
+understand the rights of it; and so here I am. Never mind, mamma, there
+was a tendency to it all my life, and nothing would have stopped it in
+the end; and now I know what it is, I have no doubt but I shall do very
+well. I mean to be like the blind man that unharnessed all the horses in
+the middle of the night, when the coach was upset, and no one else was
+of any use."
+
+He stopped once or twice in his harangue, to judge how his mother was,
+by her breathings; and he spoke with a smile and look of resolution
+and eagerness, as he concluded with another "Never mind, mamma, for I
+don't." She took hold of his hand, and pressed it, too much overcome to
+speak.
+
+"Is papa gone?" asked Clara.
+
+"Yes." And Lionel proceeded to give a message which he had sent back.
+
+"And where's Walter?"
+
+"In the drawing-room."
+
+More people were already in the room than Marian thought good for Mrs.
+Lyddell; and understanding Clara's wishes, she went down to speak to
+Walter, to carry a message that his mother would see him after tea, and
+to arrange for a substantial supper for the two youths, who had had no
+dinner.
+
+Walter was waiting anxiously to know how his mother had endured the
+tidings.
+
+"She was very much, overcome at first," said Marian; "but now she has
+had a good cry, she will be more likely to go to sleep quietly. Poor
+Lionel! he did it admirably."
+
+"It has been his chief thought," said Walter. "He begged to come home at
+once, saying it would be the best way to have it over before night;
+it would save all hoping and worrying, about him; and the instant we
+arrived, he ran straight up stairs."
+
+Walter and Marian were not familiar enough to say it to each other, but
+both were comparing his present conduct with his former bitterness of
+spirit against his mother. Death, sorrow, anxiety, and illness had drawn
+close the cords of love, and opened the well-springs of affection, so
+long choked up and soured by neglect and worldly care.
+
+"How did he bear it at the first?"
+
+"Bravely; he had wound himself up. He was flushing and turning pale all
+through the journey; but when once he came to the door, he was as calm
+and steady as possible. My father was much more agitated; he would lead
+Lionel himself, and very nearly threw him down the steps. You should
+have seen how Lionel never flinched,--did not let one feature quiver
+while he was being turned round to the light and examined. We saw how it
+was by the doctor's face, but Lionel spoke first, as--no, more steadily,
+than I can tell it, 'There is nothing to be done, then?'--attended more
+firmly to the explanation of the causes than we could, spoke as freely
+as if it had been about some indifferent case. The doctor was quite
+struck with it. He shook hands with him when he went, and kept me a
+moment after, to say, of all the many cases he had seen, he had never
+known greater resolution,--never seen any one he had been more sorry
+for. However, it was not only that,--that might have been the pride of
+firmness; but it has been the same all along. He set himself to cheer my
+father, who was very much overcome; and ever since has been telling me
+of all his schemes for employment, and arranging how to spare my mother
+as much as possible. Yes, he is a fine fellow!" said Walter, stopping
+with a heavy sigh.
+
+"I am sure he will make himself happy," said Marian earnestly; "you
+don't know how many resources he has, and you see how wonderfully
+independent he is already."
+
+"Yes," said Walter, sadly; "but though I know it is all right--to see
+what he might have been! But that is mere nonsense," he added, catching
+himself up; "we should never have known what was in him; and perhaps he
+would have been very different."
+
+Not a word expressed of Walter's sincere thankfulness for the change
+that affliction was bringing on them.
+
+Lionel came down presently, Marian presided at their tea, and would have
+enjoyed it very much, if she had not been sorry Clara should not be
+relieved from her harassing attendance up stairs. But her mother could
+not spare her, and perhaps the being positively useful, and pulled by
+force out of her childishness, was the best thing for her.
+
+"Marian, I hope you will be able to ride with me to-morrow, if mamma
+does not want you?" said Lionel.
+
+Walter looked full of inquiry and consternation.
+
+"If we can manage it," said Marian, cheerfully; though now that the
+custom had been disused for a time, she did not like the notion quite
+so well as before; since she could not now even figure to herself that
+Lionel guided himself at all, He had said it chiefly for the purpose
+of asserting his intention of continuing the practice, and was quite
+satisfied by her answer.
+
+Walter went up stairs to his mother shortly after, and Lionel was left
+alone with Marian.
+
+"I am sure I hope it won't hurt her," said he; "I thought it was best to
+have it out at once."
+
+"Much the best, since it was to come."
+
+"Yes," he said, pausing for some space, then exclaiming, "I don't know,
+though! I thought it would be better to know the worst, and have one's
+mind made up; but I don't think 'tis more comfortable, after all. I
+should like to get back that little spark of hope I had this morning!
+O, Marian, there was one time when the sun shone out full, and so warm,
+exactly on my face, and some one in the train said it was a glorious
+winter day. It was close by Slough; I knew we were in sight of the
+castle, and perhaps one might see the chapel, and the trees in the
+playing-fields. I thought soon, I might be seeing it all again: and
+I vow, Marian, I could have leaped from here to Windsor at the bare
+thought. It was being a great fool, to be sure; but as we came back, I
+was half glad it was dark, so that nobody else could see it."
+
+"Yet I am sure your last half year at Eton was no happy time; you went
+through a great deal."
+
+"I'd do it all again, if I could see as much as I did then," said
+Lionel. "I don't mind it so much in general now; I get on much better
+than I thought I should, and it is not nearly as bad now I am quite in
+the dark, and wake up to it, as when the glimmer of light was going. I
+can do very well, except when a great gush--I don't know what to call
+it--great rush of remembering the sky and all sorts of things comes
+on me, and I know it is to be darkness always. Then!--but it is all
+nonsense talking of it. I shall get the better of that, some day or
+other, I suppose. But I did not think, yesterday, that the being sure of
+it would be half so bad!"
+
+"You braced yourself yesterday, and that helped you to-day."
+
+"Yes; and then there was my father,--he has enough to vex him, without
+knowing all this. And, after all, it is nothing; I've got plenty to do,
+and I'll manage it capitally. I'll tell you what, Marian, if mamma can
+spare you, we'll ride to Salisbury, and get some of that good twine, and
+I'll make Gerald the fishing-net you said he wanted."
+
+Lionel had hitherto never consented to learn to net.
+
+Mrs. Lyddell was better the next day, and all was quiet and prosperous,
+so that Walter could write a satisfactory account to his father. Clara
+had a good walk with her brothers in the morning, and in the afternoon
+the ride took effect: Marian came into Mrs. Lyddell's room in her habit,
+and gave notice, "we are going to ride," so much as if it was a matter
+of course that Mrs. Lyddell asked no questions, and feared no dangers.
+Walter went with them, and Marian could have wished him away, for he was
+so anxious and nervous as very nearly to make her the same, and though
+he said nothing of his anxieties, Lionel found them out, and told him
+in his old gruff way that there was nothing to be in a taking about;
+indeed, Lionel was the more inclined to be adventurous in order to show
+himself entirely at his ease.
+
+However, nothing went wrong, and Marian and he both felt it a point
+gained that their riding together was established. A few days passed
+on quietly and gravely, a pause of waiting and suspense. Mrs.
+Lyddell, though less ill, was not materially improved as regarded the
+excitability of her spirits. She would be excessively depressed at
+one time, at another in such high spirits as were much more alarming.
+Sometimes she would talk about their being all ruined and undone, and go
+on rapidly to say they must give up the house in London, retrench, live
+on nothing; at others she anticipated Mr. Lyddell's bringing Elliot
+back, all his debts paid, to live at home and be a comfort, or some
+friend was to give Walter a great living, or Clara was to come out, and
+to be presented in the summer. At the same time the fretful irritability
+of nerve and temper continued, and any unusual excitement, the talking a
+little longer in her room, a letter, or a little disappointment, would
+keep her awake all night. One thing, however, seemed certain, that
+Lionel's presence had some of the same power over her as her husband's;
+she was too much occupied with watching him, to work herself into her
+anxious excited moods, and now that he had grown more familiar with her,
+his cheerful lively way of speaking always refreshed and pleased her. He
+would come in, in a glow of bright health, from a quick walk or ride in
+the clear frosty air, and show such genuine pleasure and animation
+as must console those who were grieving for his privation; he would
+undertake her messages, and find things in a wonderful manner, and he
+liked to listen to the reading aloud that always went on in her room.
+When Lionel came in, Marian and Clara always felt relieved from half
+their present care.
+
+At last came a letter from Mr. Lyddell to Walter. The worst of his
+fears were fulfilled. Elliot was actually married, and report had not
+exaggerated the disgrace of the connection. Mr. Lyddell had not chosen
+to see him, and intended to be at home, by the end of the next day,
+after they would receive the letter.
+
+It was a great shock, but perhaps none of the four young people had
+such lively hopes of Elliot as to be very much overwhelmed by the
+disappointment, as far as he was individually concerned. He had never
+been a kind elder brother to Clara or Lionel, and it was only Walter who
+could have any of those recollections of a childhood spent together,
+which would make the loss of intercourse personally painful. They had
+all been brought up to a sort of loyal feeling towards Elliot as the
+eldest, and to think his extravagance almost a matter of course, but
+only the tie of blood, and sympathy for their parents could cause them
+any acute pain on his account.
+
+For their parents they were greatly grieved, for Elliot had with all
+his faults, been their especial pride and hope, and the effect on Mrs.
+Lyddell in her present state was very much to be apprehended. It was a
+comfort however that it was decided in full council that they might put
+off the evil day of telling her, for there was no occasion that she
+should be informed till her husband returned. He came the next day, and
+very worn down, broken and oldened did he look, as he returned to his
+mourning household. Not a word did he say in public of the object of his
+journey, and all that transpired to Marian, through Lionel, who heard
+it from Walter, was "that it was as bad as bad could be; it was thought
+Elliot had done it out of spite, at any rate he was never likely to
+bring his wife to England." Neither did Mrs. Lyddell speak of it, and
+Marian only knew that she had been informed of it, by the increased
+excitability and irritation of her nerves. Poor Clara underwent
+plenty of scolding, for she was the only victim, since Mrs. Lyddell's
+continuous dislike to Marian kept her on her ordinary terms of
+ceremony, scarcely ever asking her to do her any service, thanking her
+scrupulously, and never finding fault to her face.
+
+Marian was at first very sorry for Clara, who was bewildered, and
+disconcerted, but after a day or two, things seemed to right themselves
+wonderfully. Clara grew used to the fretfulness, and was no longer
+frightened by it, nor made unhappy, but learnt how to meet it and smooth
+it down without being hurt by it. It was surely the instinct of natural
+affection, for inferior in every way as she was to Marian, yet in her
+mother's sick room she suddenly acquired all the tact, power, and
+management that Marian failed in. Hitherto she had been childish and
+astray, as if she wanted her vocation; now she had found it, and settled
+admirably into it, acquiring a sense, energy, and activity that no one
+could have supposed her capable of.
+
+Outside that room, she was the same Clara still, without much either of
+rational tastes or conversation, afraid of her father, and not much of a
+companion to her brother, helpless in everything that did not regard her
+mother, and clinging to Marian for help and direction, Marian must speak
+for her, tell her what to say if she had to write a note, take the
+responsibility of every arrangement. Nothing was much harder than to
+shove Clara forward into becoming the ostensible lady of the house,
+as it seemed as if she must continue for some time to come, since the
+doctors spoke of the most absolute rest and freedom from excitement
+being necessary to restore her mother's shattered health and spirits.
+She was to see no visitors, be soothed as much as possible, have no
+cares or anxieties brought to her, be only moderately occupied and
+amused, or the nervous attacks would return. Marian had a suspicion that
+they feared for her mind. She became stronger, was able to rise earlier,
+and to drive out in the carriage, but she never dined with the family,
+and remained in her sitting room up stairs, with Clara for her regular
+attendant, and visits from the rest.
+
+Walter returned to his curacy as soon as he could be spared, and Lionel
+became, as usual, chiefly dependent on Marian, who read to him, walked
+with him, rode with him, assisted him in his contrivances for helping
+himself, and was his constant guide and companion; doing at the same
+time all she could for Clara's service, but keeping in the back ground
+and making Clara do all the representative part for herself.
+
+They missed Caroline every hour of the day, far more since they had
+settled into an every-day course of habits and most especially in the
+evening and at meal times. There always used to be so much conversation
+going on at dinner and now no one seemed to say anything; Clara sat at
+the head of the table in awe of her father, Lionel and Marian did not
+feel disposed to talk in their own way before him there never had been
+any freedom of intercourse, and nobody knew how to begin.
+
+Marian thought the silent party very sad and forlorn for poor Mr.
+Lyddell, and that it must remind him grievously of the state of his
+family. Some one must talk, but how were they ever to begin? She was the
+worst person in the world to do it, yet try she must.
+
+She began talking over the ride they had taken that day, but Clara was
+not at her ease enough to ask questions, or make observations, Lionel
+did not second her, and Mr. Lyddell said no more than "O." Another day
+she tried giving a history of a call that had been made by some of their
+neighbors, but nobody would be interested. How could she be so stupid?
+She almost dreaded dinner time. At last one day, she luckily cast her
+eyes on the newspaper, and it is a melancholy truth that the sight of a
+horrid murder gave her a certain degree of satisfaction! She began about
+it at dinner, when every one talked about it, every one had some view as
+to the perpetrator, and it really carried them through all dinner time
+without one dreary tract of silence, and served them on a second day.
+
+A second day and a third, for more intelligence came out, and then
+luckily for her, came a revolution, next a dreadful accident, and at
+last the habit of talking became so well established that there was no
+need to look for topics in the newspaper. It was without an effort that
+she could originate a remark addressed to Mr. Lyddell. Lionel began to
+shake off his old schoolboy reserves, and rattle on freely. Clara grew
+more at ease, and Mr. Lyddell began to be entertained, to be drawn into
+the conversation, and to narrate his day's doings, just as of old
+when his wife was there, pleased with their interest in them, making
+explanations, and diverted with Lionel's merry comments.
+
+It was however dreary and uncomfortable, with all these vague anxieties
+for Mrs. Lyddell, and with the whole house in the unsettled state
+consequent on missing its moving power. The servants had been used to
+depend on her, and could not go on without her; they teased Clara,
+and Clara teased Marian about them, no one knew what to do, nor what
+authority to assume, and the petty vexations were endless that were
+borne by the two girls rather than annoy Mr. Lyddell; perplexities,
+doubts whether they were doing what was wise or right by the house or by
+the servants; Marian's good sense making her judge the right, but her
+awkwardness, and Clara's incapacity, breaking down in the execution;
+continual worry and no dignity in it.
+
+The loss of Caroline as a companion was severely felt. Marian had not
+been fully conscious how very closely entwined their hearts had been,
+how necessary they had grown to each other even before those latter days
+of full confidence. Every pursuit was mixed up with Caroline, every walk
+recalled her, every annoyance would have given way at her light touch.
+There was no one left with whom Marian could have anything like the
+conversations they had been used to enjoy from almost the earliest
+days of her coming to Oakworthy. Lionel was indeed a very agreeable
+companion, nay more, a friend, full of right feeling, principle, good
+sense, thought, and liveliness; but a younger boy could never make up
+for the loss of such a friend of her own sex. Each evening as she sat
+over the fire in her room, her heart ached with longing for Caroline's
+tap at the door, or with the wish to go and knock at hers, and then the
+thrill at thinking that there was only gloom and vacancy in her room.
+Had they but found each other out before! But oh! how much better to
+think of her as she did of her own parents, added to her store in
+Paradise, than to see her the wife of that man, unhappy as she must have
+been unless she had lost all that was excellent and hopeful.
+
+These thoughts would comfort Marian when she went up to bed, harassed,
+weary, disgusted with cares and vexations, and craving for rest and
+sympathy. She thought of the home that awaited her at Fern Torr, the
+hope that had carried her through last autumn, but withal came a dim
+vague perception that a great sacrifice might be before her. Would it be
+right to seek her own happiness and repose there, and leave the Lyddells
+to their present distress? She did not think she was of much use, Clara
+was all-sufficient for her mother, and Marian was rather less liked by
+Mrs. Lyddell than formerly; but as a support to Clara, as a companion to
+Lionel, and as some one to talk to Mr. Lyddell, she was not absolutely
+useless. She had no doubt Clara and Lionel would miss her sadly, indeed
+it would be unkind to leave them, it would be positively wrong to
+forsake them when she was of some value, and go where she could not
+suppose herself to be actually wanted, though she might be loved and
+cherished. Yet to give up that beloved hope! The vision that had
+delighted her from the first years of her orphanhood; the hope become
+tangible beyond all expectations, the wish of her heart. To give up
+home, Edmund and Agnes, for this weary life! How could she? But it was
+not worth while to think about it yet, things might change, before they
+were ready for her, Mrs. Lyddell might recover, Clara and Lionel might
+grow sufficient for each other, anything might, would or should happen,
+rather than she would give up her beloved hope of the home she longed
+for, especially now the house was actually building, and each letter
+brought her accounts of its progress.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+  "Perchance it was ours on life's journey to enter
+  Some path through whose shadows no lovelight was thrown,
+  With heart that could breast the fierce storms of its winter,
+  And gather the wealth of its harvest alone;
+  It is well there are stars in bright heaven to guide us
+  To heights we ne'er dreamt of,--but oh, to forget
+  The fortunes that bar, and the gulfs that divide us
+  From paths that looked lovely, with some we have met."
+
+  F. BROWNE.
+
+
+Many weeks had passed away, and nothing had changed, in any
+material way, since the spring. Mrs. Lyddell's condition was still
+unsatisfactory, and she seemed to be settling into a confirmed state of
+ill health, and almost of hypochondriacism. So many shocks, following
+each other in such quick succession, on a person entirely unprepared by
+nature, experience or self-regulation, had entirely broken her down, and
+shattered her nerves and spirits in a manner which she seemed less and
+less like to recover. She was only able to rise late in the day, take a
+short drive, and after dining in her own room, come down in the evening,
+if they were alone, and it was a good day with her.
+
+No change, neither sea air, nor London advice, had made much difference,
+and her condition had become so habitual, that her family had ceased to
+expect any considerable amendment; and it was likely that Clara would,
+for many years, have full employment as her companion and attendant.
+Lionel was perfectly, hopelessly blind, but growing reconciled to his
+misfortune, and habituated to the privation, as well as resigned in
+will. His natural character, of a high-spirited, joyous, enterprising
+boy, showed itself still in his independence and fearlessness, joined to
+cheerfulness, and enlivened the house. He had even gone the length of
+talking freely and drolly to his father, and Mr. Lyddell had learnt to
+smile, and even laugh at his fun.
+
+There had been fears that the removal to London, for the session of
+Parliament, would be a great privation to him, since he would miss the
+wandering about the downs by himself, and the riding with Marian; but
+his temper and spirits did not fail. He walked every day with her, and
+was entertained with all he heard, both by his own quick ears, and by
+her description. They went to exhibitions, where she saw for him, and
+there were lectures, readings, and other oral amusements, to which his
+father, or some good-natured friend, would take him. He began to acquire
+a taste for music, which he had hitherto never cared to hear, and
+concerts became a great delight to him: though he had not the correct
+ear, and admirable appreciation of music, that often, in blind persons,
+seems like a compensation for the loss of the pleasures of the eye.
+
+Lady Marchmont became very kind to him. She was thoroughly good natured,
+and the sight of the blind youth, whose arm Marian held as they walked
+together, stirred all her kindly feelings. He was gentlemanlike
+and pleasant looking, and his manner, now divested of schoolboy
+_brusquerie_, was frank and confiding. Selina was disposed to like him,
+and to be interested in him. She found, too, that Marian did not like to
+go out when his amusement was not provided for; so at first for Marian's
+sake, then for his own, she made him join them when they went to
+concerts, or to any other amusement that could gratify him. Her bright
+liveliness and spirited way of talking, won him; and it delighted Marian
+to see what great friends they became, even to the length of laughing
+over the old Wreath of Beauty story together. And when at length she was
+brought, of her own accord, in some degree to patronise Clara, it was a
+triumph indeed; and Mrs. Lyddell was more obliged to Marian than for all
+the real benefits she had conferred, when she saw Clara dressed to go to
+a party at Lady Marchmont's.
+
+All this time Marian was becoming more and more a prey to that secret
+doubt, whether it might not be a duty to give up her cherished hope of a
+home at Fern Torr. She did not see how she could be spared. Clara was an
+admirable attendant on her mother, and was becoming a better mistress of
+the house; but she was not able to be at the same time a companion to
+her father and Lionel, and, poor girl, she would be very forlorn and
+much at a loss, without Marian's elder sisterhood; for the sense of help
+and reliance that Marian's presence gave her was little less. For her to
+go away, would be to bring home to Clara the loss of Caroline more than
+she had ever been left to feel it.
+
+Yet, on the other hand, Clara was no companion. They talked, indeed, but
+they never discussed,--never had any interchange of higher sympathies or
+reflections; it was not getting beyond the immediate matter in hand;
+and often Marian, would be sensible that, if her own pleasure were
+consulted, a walk or ride, with her thoughts free to range in meditation
+or day-dream, was preferable to Clara's chatter.
+
+Her own pleasure,--that she enjoyed but little, and less now than ever,
+for her time was never her own. There was Lionel on her hands almost
+every day, to be read to, or walked with; and if he went out with his
+father, or spent an hour in his mother's room, there was Clara wanting
+her quite as much, for gossip, exercise, or consultation. Mrs. Lyddell,
+too, must be visited; for though Marian was not the most beloved,
+or most welcome person in the world, yet a change of society and
+conversation was desirable, both for her sake and Clara's; so more
+than two hours every day were spent in her sitting-room. Then, in the
+evening, Marian's thoughts and ears must be free for Mr. Lyddell and
+Lionel. All her own pursuits were at an end, she had hardly touched a
+pencil the whole year, nor opened a German book, nor indeed any book,
+excepting what she read to Lionel, and these were many. She was very
+seldom able to enjoy the luxury of being alone; she could hardly even
+write her letters, except by sitting up for them; and even the valuable
+hour before midnight was not certain to be her own, for if Clara had no
+other time to pour out her cares, she used to come then, and linger in
+her cousin's room, reiterating petty perplexities, endless in detail.
+
+How delightful to escape from all this, to quietness, peace, freedom
+from her own cares and other people's,--Fern Torr air and scenery,
+Edmund and Agnes for companions, and liberty to teach school children,
+go about among her own people, do good in her own way, and enjoy her own
+studies. It was like a captive longing to be set free,--a wanderer in
+sight of home.
+
+But the captive paused on the threshold of the dungeon; the wanderer
+stood still on the brow of the last hill. Marian paced up and down her
+own room, and thought and reasoned half aloud,--
+
+  "Sweet is the smile of home, the mutual look,
+  When hearts are of each other sure;
+  Sweet all the joys that crown the household nook,
+  The haunt of all affections pure:
+  Yet in the world even these abide, and we
+  Above the world our calling boast."
+
+"And I am making them the world, if for their sake I give up what my
+conscience calls on me to do. I know, though I do little good here, my
+going away would make them more uncomfortable. Have I any right to seek
+my pleasure? But I should do more good there; I should go to school,
+read to the poor people, go to Church in the week, be more improved
+myself. O that home of peace and joy! And Gerald--my first duty is to
+him. But what harm would it do him? I could go home for his holidays. I
+must not deceive myself; I have been put in the way of positive duties
+here, or rather, ways of being useful have grown up round me. Is it
+right to run away from them,--poor Lionel, poor Clara! Would not every
+weary hour of Lionel's--every time Clara was teased, and teased
+her father,--be my fault? But how Edmund and Agnes will be
+disappointed!--they who will have been throwing away so much kind care!
+O you goose of a Marian! are you going to fancy it is for your sake that
+they mean to marry? don't you think they can do very well without you?
+How very silly to be sorry that it must be so!--how very, very silly!
+And even Gerald will marry one of these days, and will not want me; and
+shall I always be alone then? For as to that other sort of affection, I
+am sure it is quite certain that I can never care for any body enough to
+marry,--never half as well as for Gerald. No, no one will ever love me
+as I do others; every one has some one nearer to them; a lonely life,
+and never a home! Well, then there is a home somewhere else, and those
+who made my earthly home are waiting for me there, in the Land of the
+Leal."
+
+Such was the tenor of Marian's oft-repeated musings. The practical
+result was a resolution to consult Edmund when she should go to Fern
+Torr to his wedding, early in August. She could not write her pros and
+cons, but to Edmund she could tell them, and trust to him as a just and
+impartial judge; and if Agnes was angry, it would serve them, thought
+Marian, smiling, for a quarrel, for they won't have many other chances
+of one.
+
+However, the time drew on when, behold, every one's calculations were
+disturbed by a sudden dissolution of Parliament. Hitherto such events
+had not made much difference to the Lyddells; as Mr. Lyddell's election
+had been, for the last twenty years, unopposed; and the only doubt
+at present was, whether he thought it worth while to stand again,
+considering that he was growing old and weary of business, and besides
+could not well afford the London house.
+
+He had been hinting something of the kind to Lionel and Marian in the
+evening, as a matter under consideration and they had heard it with
+joy, when the next morning made a sudden change in affairs, by bringing
+tidings that Mr. Faulkner was soliciting the votes of Mr. Lyddell's
+constituents on the opposite interest, taking the wrong side of the
+question,--a most important one, upon which the dissolution had taken
+place.
+
+Here was indignation indeed. There was something so unfeeling in such a
+proceeding, on his part, that the mildest word spoken against him was
+Marian's, and that was "atrocious." To give up was one thing, to be thus
+turned out was quite another; and it was clearly right to the moral
+sense, as well as satisfactory to the indignant temper, that Mr. Lyddell
+should oppose "to the last gasp," as the furious Lionel expressed it,
+one who espoused principles so pernicious both in politics and religion.
+One thing was certain, that nobody would ever wish again that Caroline
+had married him. Ill as Mr. Lyddell could afford the expense of a
+contested election, his blood was up, and he was determined not to yield
+an inch. Never had Marian believed she could grow so vehement about
+anything that concerned him, but now her whole soul seemed to be in his
+success. He had always been on the right side; and now that a steadily
+growing sense of religion was influencing all his actions, he was just
+the fit person for his position, and Marian could, on principle, wish
+earnestly to see him retain it, for his own sake, as well as to keep out
+Mr. Faulkner. But, alas! poor Marian, that the ministers should have
+chosen this precise time, so as just to bring the election the very week
+of Edmund's wedding!
+
+What was to be done? Mrs. Lyddell could not believe that an election
+would go on right without dinner-parties of every visitable individual
+in the county; and how was Clara to manage them all? Mrs. Lyddell's only
+experiment, in coming into the room when there was company, had done her
+so much harm, that it was not on any account to be repeated; and her
+restlessness and anxiety,--her persuasion that nothing could be done
+well in which she was not concerned,--made the keeping her quiet a more
+anxious business than even the receiving company. There was Mr. Lyddell
+wanting to have lists written, and needing all sorts of small helps to
+which he had been used from his active wife; everything came on the two
+girls, and Marian did not see how she could be spared even for the three
+days it would take to go to the wedding.
+
+Perhaps that excitement about the election would have somewhat dulled
+the acuteness of the sacrifice, if it had not been for what was to come
+after it. The die must be cast without consultation with Edmund; she
+must write and tell them that their kind design for her was in vain.
+
+Gerald was at Oakworthy for the first week of his holidays, and he was
+the only person she could call to hold council with her. She had some
+difficulty in catching him; for he was galloping about with messages
+all day, figuring to himself that he produced a grand effect in the
+canvass,--making caricatures, describing them to Lionel, and conducting
+him wherever he was not expected to be seen. However, catch him she did,
+at bed-time, and pulling him into her room, propounded her difficulty.
+
+"Gerald, I don't see how I am ever to manage to go with you to their
+wedding."
+
+Ha? don't you? Well, it would be a pity to lose the nomination-day, and
+the show of hands; I should travel all night to be in time, but you
+could not, I suppose?"
+
+"I? why you don't think I should go to it?"
+
+"Lionel will--I am to take care of Lionel. Can't you go? What a bore it
+must be to be a woman! Well, then, why don't you come to the wedding?"
+
+"Because I think Clara will get into such a fuss, if there is no one to
+help her at the dinner the evening before. There is Mrs. Pringle coming
+to dine and sleep, so it can't be only a gentleman's party: and there is
+so much to do."
+
+"Whew! it will be very stupid of you not to come; and how Agnes will
+scold! But I suppose yen can't be everywhere. One would give up
+something for the sake of beating such a rogue as that Faulkner."
+
+"If we were but sure of doing it."
+
+"Sure! Why we shall smash him to shivers, if one fortieth part of the
+people are but as good as their word. Did I tell you, Marian, how I
+answered that old farmer to-day?" &c., &c., all which Marian had to
+hear, before she could get him back to the matter in hand.
+
+"I am almost sorry to give up those three days," he said, "though it is
+for their wedding; but you see, Marian," and the boy spoke with his air
+of consequence, "I think it is expected of me, and they would all be
+disappointed. It would not look as if it was well between Edmund and mo,
+if I was not present; but you can please yourself, you know."
+
+"Yes, yes, you could not stay away," said Marian; "I should be very
+sorry that you should. You must go."
+
+"And if I come away that afternoon, I may be back by the mail train by
+one at night, and be in time for the show of hands. Hurrah! I've a'mind
+to write to Jemmy, to buy up all the rotten eggs in Fern Torr."
+
+"You wild animal! But do be sensible a little while, Gerald, for I have
+something serious to ask your advice upon."
+
+"Well,"--and all the wisdom of sixteen was at her service.
+
+"I want to know what you think about my living here, or at Fern Torr?"
+
+"Hollo! why I thought it was settled long ago that you were to live at
+the Quarry with them."
+
+"So it was; but I don't know whether I am not more wanted here than
+there."
+
+"You don't mean that that have changed their mind, and don't want to
+have you?"
+
+"Not a bit--O dear, no! but I think, somehow, Clara and Lionel find me
+of more use than they would."
+
+"To be sure, this place would be in a pretty tolerable sort of a mess
+without you. I don't know how any of them would get on."
+
+"Well, then, I wanted your opinion, Gerald; I had better tell Edmund and
+Agnes that I ought to stay on here."
+
+"But what am I to do? I mean to be at Fern Torr in the holidays, I
+assure you, except a week or two, just to see Lionel; and I don't mean
+to have my holidays without you, I declare!"
+
+"O, I hope always to come home for them."
+
+"Why, then, if I have you when I am at home, I don't care,--I mean--"
+said Gerald, conscious of the egotism he was committing, "I mean you
+don't like it half so well, do you?"
+
+"O no--I mean--I don't know--"
+
+"Which do you mean?"
+
+"I don't know--at least, of course, I had rather be with Edmund and
+Agnes than anybody else, except you; but then, if I was thinking Lionel
+had no one to read to him, or to ride with, or that Mrs. Lyddell was
+worse, and Clara unhappy, I could hardly enjoy it."
+
+"You would not think so much about it if you were away from them."
+
+"Perhaps not, but it would be the same, and it would haunt me at night."
+
+"But, Marian, you can't give up Edmund and Agnes now they have built a
+room for you."
+
+"I must have it when I come for your holidays."
+
+"Well, you must do as you please," said Gerald.
+
+"And you won't be vexed?"
+
+"Vexed! Why should I? It is nothing to me, if I have you when I am at
+home; and, indeed, I don't see what poor Lionel would do without you. I
+suppose it is the best way, since you like it; only you must settle it
+with Agnes your own way. I shall tell her it is not my fault. Won't she
+be in a rage, that's all!"
+
+With which sentence Sir Gerald's acquiescence was conveyed, with little
+perception of the struggle in his sister's mind, and of the pain and
+grief it was to her to write to her cousin and friend, begging them to
+release her from her promise.
+
+As to the rest of the house, they never appeared to think at all about
+her quitting them; or if Clara and Lionel did, perchance, remember that
+it had been spoken of, they hoped it had blown over, and dreaded the
+revival of the idea too much to refer to it. Not one of the whole family
+guessed that to them was sacrificed the most treasured project of
+Marian's life.
+
+She had made up her mind, but she could not bear to write to tell her
+friend that her plans were frustrated; so it was to Edmund that she
+wrote the full detail of her reasons and regrets, begging him to forgive
+her, and to make her peace with Agnes; while she begged Mrs. Wortley to
+excuse her for missing the wedding.
+
+Edmund's answer was just what she wished, and indeed expected. "You are
+right," he said, "and it is of no use to tell you how sorry we are. It
+is impossible to be so selfish as to wish you to act otherwise, and in
+process of time you may perhaps obtain Agnes' pardon: in the mean time
+we never walk to the Quarry, without her abusing you for giving so much
+trouble for nothing. I would only advise one thing, namely, that you
+make no promise nor engagement respecting your place of residence, since
+circumstances may alter; and you had better not feel yourself bound.
+With this proviso we resign you to your own judgment, and to the place
+where you seem indeed at present to be most wanted."
+
+So wrote Edmund: Agnes did not write at all. Marian announced that she
+had given up going to the wedding. Clara was sorry she should miss it,
+but could not guess how she should have managed without her; and no
+one else had leisure to think at all, or else considered it quite as a
+matter of course that site should not go away when she was wanted.
+
+If any one had, seven years, or even one year ago, told Marian how she
+would spend that bridal day, her incredulity would have been complete.
+So absorbed was she in Mr. Lyddell's election affairs that she hardly
+had time to think about it, between hopes and alarms, doubts and
+intelligence, visitors and preparations, notes to be written and papers
+to be found, Clara to be helped, Mrs. Lyddell to be kept quiet, Lionel's
+news to hear, the dinner party to be entertained. Very differently had
+Marian now learnt to sit in company from former days. She had a motive
+now, in the wish to help Clara, and all her distant coldness had melted
+into a quiet, kind, obliging manner, which had taught her to take
+genuine interest even in common-place people, and caused it to be said
+that Miss Arundel had ceased to be shy and haughty. It was all one
+whirl, leaving no time for sitting down, and still less for musing.
+Lionel went indeed with his father to the committee-room, and was there
+half the day; for his services were wonderful, and particularly his
+memory for names and places, to which Mr. Lyddell declared he would
+rather trust than to any memorandum. He was thus out of Marian's way all
+the morning, but there was enough to occupy her without him, and in the
+afternoon he came home, full of news, and especially full of glory, in
+a conquest of his own, a doubtful voter, whom he had recollected, and
+undertaken to secure, had made the servant drive him round that way,
+canvassed on his own account, and obtained a promise, extracted as
+Marian suspected, by admiration of the blind young gentleman's high
+spirit and independence.
+
+Mr. Lyddell was particularly delighted; when became home very late, just
+before the eight o'clock dinner, he came up into his wife's room, and
+told her the whole story, told Marian all over again on the stairs, and
+told it a third time to some of the dinner guests, before Lionel came
+down. Marian saw he valued that vote above all the rest.
+
+Busy as the day had been, Marian was resolved to sit up till her
+brother's return at two o'clock in the morning, to hear his tidings, and
+she expected to enjoy the space for thinking; but the thoughts would
+not be settled, and instead of dwelling on Edmund and Agnes, she found
+herself continually going back to the voters' list, and counting up the
+forces on each side. Then she grew sleepy, and fell into a long musing
+dream of shapeless fancies, woke herself, tried to write to Agnes, and
+went off into her former vision of felicity in the house at the Quarry,
+which she indulged in, forgetting that she had renounced it. At last
+came the sounds of a carriage, and of opening doors. She met Gerald on
+the stairs, but he was sleepy and would say little. "It had all gone off
+very well--yes--nobody cried--he had a bit of wedding-cake for her, and
+here was a note, she should hear all about it another time;"--yawn, and
+he shut himself into his own room. That was all Marian obtained by her
+vigil. You, there was the note, put in with the wedding cards.
+
+  "MY DEAR MARIAN,--I can't relieve my mind by scolding
+  you, and I don't know what else you have a right to
+  expect after the way you have treated us. They tell me I
+  must write, and I have not a word to say, though I always
+  promised you should have the first letter from
+
+  "Your affectionate cousin,
+
+  "AGNES ARUNDEL."
+
+Wild as ever, thought Marian, as a little disappointed, she laid down
+the note, but she understood how Agnes had felt obliged to write, in
+hurry and agitation, and just because she felt deeply, had been unable
+to express herself otherwise than what some people would call foolishly
+and unsuitably.
+
+There was not much more of the wedding to be heard from Gerald the next
+morning, for he was full of the nomination, and proud of having Lionel
+under his especial charge.
+
+This day was as wild a bustle as the former one, and there was still
+more excitement in the evening. Of course the show of hands had been in
+favour of Mr. Faulkner, of course he and his proposer and seconder had
+behaved one only more disgracefully than the other, of course the rabble
+bad behaved shamefully, and the boys were almost beside themselves with
+wrath; and besides the details of all these matters-of-course, the boys
+had adventures of their own, for somehow Gerald and Lionel had been left
+in the midst of a vituperative mob, out of which Gerald had brought off
+his companion in a most spirited and successful way, without letting
+any one discover Lionel's blindness, which would have been the most
+efficient protection for both. Again and again Marian was told of the
+gallant way in which both boys had conducted themselves, and proud and
+pleased was she.
+
+Mr. Lyddell lost his seat, and the boys were half mad, a hundred times
+more concerned than he was himself, while Marian moralized to herself
+on why it was allowed to happen that he should be set aside from public
+life, just when he would have begun to act on truly sound principles.
+And yet perhaps the leisure he thus obtained, and the seclusion from the
+whirl of politics were the very things he needed, to draw him entirely
+apart from the world which had so long engrossed him.
+
+It was about sis weeks after this that Mr. and Mrs. Edmund Arundel, in
+acceptance of a warm invitation from Mr. Lyddell, were driving along
+the white road leading to Oakworthy, after a very pleasant visit to the
+Marchmonts, when Selina had treated Agnes so affectionately, as to cause
+her to forget all past neglect, and had, as Edmund said, scaled their
+friendship, by raving at Marian's decision, "It was too bad," said she,
+"when they had given up London,--the only thing that made it tolerable."
+
+To which, however, Agnes did not quite agree.
+
+"And now," said she, "I shall see whether Marian is happy."
+
+"I don't believe you wish her to be so," said Edmund.
+
+"No, I am not quite so spiteful," rejoined Agnes, "but in order to
+forgive her, I must think it a very great sacrifice."
+
+"And have a marvellously high estimate of our two selves," said Edmund.
+
+"What do I see?" said Agnes. "Look at those two people riding on the
+down up there against the sky, don't you see their figures? It is a
+lady. Gould it be Marian? No, she is riding so close to the other--he
+can't be a servant."
+
+"Lionel, I suspect," said Edmund.
+
+"The poor blind boy! O surely she does not ride alone with him! O what a
+pretty cantering on the turf. It is really Marian, I see now. How I do
+like to see her ride."
+
+A moment or two more, and descending from the high green slope, the two
+riders were on the road meeting the carriage. Marian looked her best
+on horseback, with her excellent seat, and easy, fearless manner, her
+little hat and feathers became her fine features, and the air and
+exercise gave them animation, which made her more like a picture of
+Velasquez and less like a Grecian statue than she was at any other time.
+Lionel rode almost close to her, a bright glow of sunshine on his lively
+face, and a dexterity and quickness in his whole air that made Agnes
+hesitate for a second or two, whether he could really be the blind
+youth. A joyous "How d'ye do?" was called out on each side. "Well,
+Lionel," then said Edmund, "are you quite well?"
+
+"O yes, thank you," replied a gay voice, "we thought we would see if we
+could not meet you."
+
+"We rode over the down," said Marian, "and we are going back the same
+way. We shall be at home as soon as you are. Good-bye. To the right,
+Lionel."
+
+And they were seen trotting up the hill again, then as the carriage came
+in sight of the front door, there was Lionel jumping Marian down from
+her saddle. Agnes did not know how to believe that he could not see, as
+she watched his upright bearing, and rapid, fearless step, so unlike the
+groping ways of persons who have lost their sight later in life.
+
+Clara presently came down, and Agnes was struck with her more thoughtful
+face, and collected manner, so unlike the giddy child she had last seen,
+not intellectual indeed, but quiet, lady-like, and sensible. And as to
+Mr. Lyddell, he looked so worn and so much older, so subdued in manner,
+and so free from those over civilities of former times, that Agnes made
+up her mind that he must not be hated.
+
+Of Mrs. Lyddell she saw very little, only sitting in her room for an
+hour each morning, as a visitor, but it was evident she was very much
+out of health, and a great charge to them all. Agnes could be sorry for
+her, but could not like her while she did not speak more cordially of
+Marian. All praise of her had something forced and against the grain,
+and Agnes thought her intensely ungrateful.
+
+Lionel interested Agnes extremely, with his happy, independent ways,
+unrepining temper and spirit of enterprise. He was always eager about
+some contrivance of his own, and just at this time it was wood-carving.
+His left hand showed as much sticking-plaster as skin, and he used to
+come into the drawing-room with it wrapped up in his handkerchief and
+say, "Here's another, Marian," when Marian very quietly produced her
+sticking-plaster, as if it was quite an ordinary matter; nay, would
+not follow up the suggestion that he should not have so sharp a knife,
+saying that it was much better to cut one's finger with a sharp knife
+than a blunt one. He had cut about twenty bits of wood to waste, to say
+nothing of hands, but he persevered with amusing energy, and before the
+end of the visit had achieved a capital old man's head for the top of a
+walking stick, which he presented to Edmund. He promised Agnes a set of
+silk winders, and in the mean time made great friends with her, getting
+her to tell him about her brother's sporting adventures, and in return
+making himself very amusing with relations out of his sailor brother's
+letters. Johnny had been concerned in the great exploit of climbing the
+Peter Bottle mountain, and Lionel was as proud of it as if he had done
+it himself, making Marian show everybody a drawing which Gerald had made
+of the appearance that Johnny must have cut, standing on one leg on the
+highest stone. They were also struck with the change in the manner in
+which Walter was regarded, and the pride and affection with which all
+the family spoke of his doings at his curacy.
+
+But that Marian, though not prominent, and apparently merely a guest,
+was necessary to the comfort of each member of the family, was a thing
+that at the end of a fortnight, Agnes could not deny. Nor could she
+attempt to make up a case to show that she and her husband were equally
+in want of her.
+
+"So, Marian," said she, as they parted, "I forgive you on condition of
+your spending Christmas with us."
+
+"And I ought to forgive you," said Edmund, "in consideration of the
+fulfilment of my prediction that you would not be able to leave the
+Lyddells when I was ready to receive you."
+
+Marian smiled, and watched them from the door. As they lost sight of
+the house, Edmund turned to his wife, saying, "How little we are fit to
+order events! Here, Agnes, I looked back at this house six years ago
+in a sort of despair. I was ready to reproach Providence, to reproach
+everything. I thought I saw my uncle's children in the way to be ruined,
+all his work undone, and there was I, unable to act, and yet with the
+responsibility of the care of them. I tell you, Agnes, I never was so
+wretched in my life. And yet what short-sightedness! There has Marian
+been, placed, like a witness of the truth, calm, firm, constant,
+guarding herself and her brother first, and then softening, and winning
+all that came under her influence."
+
+"Oh! but, Edmund, your coming home saved Gerald," said the wife, who
+could not see her husband's credit given away even to Marian.
+
+"I brought the experience and authority that she could not have, but
+vain would have been my attempts without the sense of right she had
+always kept up in his mind. Trouble has done much for those Lyddells,
+but I don't believe that without her, it would have had that effect:
+When I remember what Mr. Lyddell was, his carelessness, the painful
+manner in which he used to talk; when I see him now, when I think of
+what that poor Caroline was saved from, when I see the alteration in
+Clara, and watch that blind boy, then I see indeed that our little
+Marian, whom we thought thrown away and spoilt, was sent there to be
+a blessing. If she had been naturally a winning, gentle, persuasive
+person, I should have thought less of the wonder; but in her it is
+the simple force of goodness, undecorated. I once feared the constant
+opposition in which she lived, would harden her, but instead, she has
+softened, sweetened, and lost all that was hard and haughty in her ways,
+when it was no longer needed for a protection. Selina Marchmont has
+failed too in giving her the exclusive spirit which I once feared
+for her. It is as if she had a spell for passing through the world
+unscathed."
+
+"And you think she is happy?"
+
+"As happy as those that never look for their happiness in this world."
+
+Agnes sighed. "My vision has always been," said she, "to see Marian as
+happy as--ourselves."
+
+"She may be yet," said Edmund smiling, "but she has the best sort of
+happiness. She is in less danger of clinging to this world than we are.
+And somehow she gives me the impression of one too high and noble to
+seek her happiness in the way in which most people look for it. Yes,
+we ourselves, Agnes, we have a nest and home in this world; she stands
+above it, and her only relation with it is to make others happy."
+
+"She little thinks how we talk of her," said Agnes. "And still stranger
+it is, that with the reverence I have for her, I can play with her and
+scold her."
+
+A silence; ending with Agnes repeating,
+
+  "GOOD LORD, through this world's troubled way
+  Thy children's course secure;
+  And lead them onward day by day,
+  Kindly like Thee and pure.
+
+  "Be theirs to do Thy work of love,
+  All erring souls to win;
+  Amid a sinful world to move,
+  Yet give no smile to sin."
+
+
+
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE TWO GUARDIANS ***
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