diff options
| -rw-r--r-- | .gitattributes | 3 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 9917-8.txt | 6105 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 9917-8.zip | bin | 0 -> 123720 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 9917.txt | 6105 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 9917.zip | bin | 0 -> 123693 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | LICENSE.txt | 11 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | README.md | 2 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/ychld10.txt | 6072 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/ychld10.zip | bin | 0 -> 125379 bytes |
9 files changed, 18298 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/9917-8.txt b/9917-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..61ae5b9 --- /dev/null +++ b/9917-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,6105 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Your Child: Today and Tomorrow, by +Sidonie Matzner Gruenberg + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Your Child: Today and Tomorrow + +Author: Sidonie Matzner Gruenberg + +Posting Date: November 3, 2011 [EBook #9917] +Release Date: February, 2006 +First Posted: October 31, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK YOUR CHILD: TODAY AND TOMORROW *** + + + + +Produced by Stan Goodman, Anne Folland, Tom Allen and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + +YOUR CHILD + +TODAY AND TOMORROW + + + + +YOUR CHILD + +TODAY AND TOMORROW + + +SOME PROBLEMS FOR PARENTS CONCERNING + + PUNISHMENT REASONING + LIES IDEALS AND AMBITIONS + FEAR WORK AND PLAY + IMAGINATION SOCIAL ACTIVITIES + OBEDIENCE ADOLESCENCE + WILL HEREDITY + + + +By + +SIDONIE MATZNER GRUENBERG + + + +Second Revised Edition Enlarged + +WITH A FORWARD BY BISHOP JOHN H. VINCENT +Chancellor of Chautauqua Institution + +WITH 12 ILLUSTRATIONS + +1912, 1913, 1920 + + + + +TO HER WHOSE DEVOTION AND UNTIRING EFFORT TOWARD AN INTELLIGENT +UNDERSTANDING OF HER CHILDREN HAVE EVER BEEN AN INSPIRATION, + +MY MOTHER + +AND + +TO MY CHILDREN + +WHOSE CONTRIBUTION TOWARD MY EDUCATION HAS BEEN GREATER THAN THAT +FROM ANY OTHER SOURCE, THIS LITTLE BOOK IS AFFECTIONATELY DEDICATED. + + + + +PREFACE TO SECOND EDITION + + +In the sad years that have intervened since this book was published, +we have all been impressed by the brilliant achievements of science +in every department of practical life. But whereas the application +of chemistry and electricity and biology might, perhaps, be safely +left to the specialists, it seems to me that in a democracy it is +essential for every single person to have a practical understanding +of the workings of his own mind, and of his neighbor's. The +understanding of human nature should not be left entirely in the +hands of the specialists--it concerns all of us. + +There is no better way for beginning the study of human nature than +by following the unfolding of a spirit as it takes place before us +in the growth of a child. I am humbly grateful of the assurances +received from many quarters that these chapters have aided many +parents and teachers in such study. + +In the present edition I have made a number of slight changes to +harmonize the reading with the results of later scientific studies; +there is a new list of references and some new material in the +chapter on sex education; and there is a new chapter suggesting the +connection between the new psychology and the democratic ideals of +human relations. + +SIDONIE MATZNER GRUENBERG. + +March, 1920. + + + + +PREFACE + + +In my efforts to learn something about the nature of the child, as a +member of child-study groups, and in my own studies, I have found a +large mass of material--accumulated by investigators into the +psychology and the biology of childhood--which could be of great +practical use to all concerned with the bringing up of children. In +this little book I have tried to present some of this material in a +form that will make it available for those who lack the time, or the +special training or the opportunity to work it out for themselves. +It has been my chief aim to show that a proper understanding of and +sympathy with the various stages through which the child normally +passes will do much toward making not only the child happier, but +the task of the parents pleasanter. I am convinced that our failure +to understand the workings of the child's mind is responsible for +much of the friction between parents and children. We cannot expect +the children, with their limited experience and their undeveloped +intellect, to understand us; if we are to have harmony, intimacy and +cooperation, these must come through the parents' successful efforts +at understanding the children. + +In speaking of the child always in the masculine, I have followed +the custom of the specialists. It is of course to be understood that +"he" sometimes means "she" and usually "he or she." + +It has been impossible to refer at every point to the source of the +material used. One unconsciously absorbs many ideas which one is +unable later to trace to their sources; in addition to this, the +material I have here presented has been worked over so that it is +impossible in most cases to ascribe a particular idea to a +particular person. I wish, however, to acknowledge my indebtedness +to all who have patiently labored in this field, and especially to +those Masters of Child Study, G. Stanley Hall, John Dewey, Earl +Barnes, Edwin A. Kirkpatrick and Edward L. Thorndike. I owe much to +my opportunity to work in the Federation for Child Study. These +groups of mothers and teachers have done a great deal, under the +guidance and inspiration of Professor Felix Adler, to develop a +spirit of co-operation in the attack upon the practical problems of +child-training in the home. + +I am very grateful to Mrs. Hilda M. Schwartz, of Minneapolis, for +her assistance in revising the manuscript and in securing the +illustrations. + +The assistance of my husband has been invaluable. In his suggestions +and criticisms he has given me the benefit of his experience as +biologist and educator. + +SIDONIE MATZNER GRUENBERG. + +New York May, 1913. + + + + +A FOREWORD + + +In the thought of the writer of this prefatory page, the book he +thus introduces is an exceptionally sane, practical and valuable +treatment of the problem of problems suggested by our present +American Civilization, namely: The Training of the On-coming +Generation--the new Americans--who are to realize the dreams of our +ancestors concerning personal freedom and development in the social, +political, commercial and religious life of the Republic. + +There is always hope for the adult who takes any real interest in +self-improvement. One is never too old to "turn over a new leaf" and +to begin a new record. A full-grown man may become a "promising +child" in the kingdom of grace. He may dream dreams and see visions. +He may resolve, and his experience of forty or more years in +"practising decision" and in persisting despite counter inclinations +may only increase his chances for mastering a problem, overcoming a +difficulty and developing enthusiasm. A page of History or of +Ethics, a poet's vision or a philosopher's reasoning, will find a +response in his personality impossible to a juvenile. His knowledge +of real life, of persons he has met, of theories he has often +pondered, of difficulties he has encountered and canvassed, the +conversations and discussions in which he has taken part--all give +new value to the pages he is now turning, and while he may not as +easily as formerly memorize the language, he at once grasps, +appreciates and appropriates the thoughts there expressed. + +With these advantages as a thinker, a reader, a man of affairs, a +father interested in his or children and in their education, what a +blessing to him and to his family comes through the reading of an +interesting, suggestive and stimulating book on child training such +as this practical volume by Mrs. Gruenberg. In fact, the book +becomes a sort of a Normal Class in itself. It is attractive, +ingenious, illustrative and stimulating--an example of the true +teaching spirit and method. + +This volume has in it much that a preacher and pastor would do well +to read. And a _very_ wise pastor will be inclined to bring +together Mothers and Sunday-School Teachers and read to them certain +paragraphs until they are induced to put a copy of the volume in +their own library and thus become, in a sense, members of a strong +and most helpful "Normal Class." + +One thing every Sunday-School Teacher and every Parent should +remember is that all attempts to experiment in the instruction of +children are so many steps towards "Normal Work," in which are +included the use of "illustrations," the framing of "questions," the +devices to "get attention," and the effort to induce children to +"think for themselves" and freely to express their thoughts, +reasonings, doubts, difficulties and personal independent opinions. +All these efforts not only develop power in the child, but they +react upon the teacher and ensure for the "next meeting of the +class" some "new suggestion," some additional question, some fresh +view of the whole subject by which both teacher and pupils will be +stimulated and instructed. + +In our intercourse with children let us aim to develop the +_teaching_ motive, and we shall not only make the work of the +"class room" profitable to the pupils, but each of us will find new +delight, new inspiration and an unanticipated degree of success in +this beautiful and divine ministry. + +JOHN H. VINCENT. + +CHICAGO AND CHAUTAUQUA, + +May 7, 1913. + + + + +CONTENTS + + +CHAPTER + +I. YOU AND YOUR CHILD + +II. THE PROBLEM OF PUNISHMENT + +III. WHEN YOUR CHILD IMAGINES THINGS + +IV. THE LIES CHILDREN TELL + +V. BEING AFRAID + +VI. THE FIRST GREAT LAW + +VII. THE TRAINING OF THE WILL + +VIII. HOW CHILDREN REASON + +IX. WORK AND PLAY + +X. CHILDREN'S GANGS, CLUBS, AND FRIENDSHIPS + +XI. CHILDREN'S IDEALS AND AMBITIONS + +XII. THE STORK OR THE TRUTH + +XIII. THE GOLDEN AGE OF TRANSITION + +XIV. HEREDITY AND ENVIRONMENT + +XV. FREEDOM AND DISCIPLINE + + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + + +THE CREATIVE IMPULSE IS BORN WITH EVERY NORMAL CHILD + +THE IMPULSE TO ACTION EARLY LEADS TO DOING + +IMAGINATION SUPPLIES THIS TWO-YEAR-OLD A PRANCING STEED + +NEITHER ARE GIRLS AFRAID TO CLIMB + +ONLY A GOOD REASON CAN WARRANT CALLING AN ABSORBED CHILD FROM HIS +OCCUPATION + +HABITS OF CAREFUL WORK FURNISH A GOOD FOUNDATION FOR THE WILL + +WORK IS PLAY + +LET THEM ROMP IN THE WINTER AS WELL AS IN SUMMER + +IN THEIR GAMES THEY SHOULD LEARN TO LOSE AS WELL AS TO WIN + +DON'T FORGET HOW TO PLAY WITH THE CHILDREN + +THE BOYS NEED A CHANCE TO GET TOGETHER + +IN THE COUNTRY CHILDREN BECOME ACQUAINTED WITH THE FACTS OF LIFE + + + + +YOUR CHILD TODAY AND TOMORROW + + + + +I. + +YOU AND YOUR CHILD + + +Housekeeping, in the sense of administering the work of the +household, has been raised almost to a science. The same is true of +the feeding of children. But the training of children still lags +behind, so far as most of us are concerned, in the stage occupied by +housekeeping and farming a generation or two ago. There has, indeed, +been developed a considerable mass of exact knowledge about the +nature of the child, and about the laws of his development; but this +knowledge has been for most parents a closed book. It is not what +the scientists know, but what the people apply, that marks our +progress. + +"Child-study" has been considered something with which young +normal-school students have to struggle before they begin their +_real_ struggle with bad boys. But mothers have been expected to know, +through some divine instinct, just how to handle their own children, +without any special study or preparation. That the divine instinct has +not taught them properly to feed the young infant and the growing +child we have learned but slowly and at great cost in human life and +suffering; but we _have_ learned it. Our next lesson should be to +realize that our instincts cannot be relied upon when it comes to +understanding the child's mind, the meaning of his various activities, +and how best to guide his mental and moral development. + +Mistakes that parents--and teachers--make in dealing with the +child's mind are not often fatal. Nor can you always trace the evil +effects of such mistakes in the later character of the child. But +there can be no doubt that many of the heartbreaks, misunderstandings, +and estrangements between parents and children are due to mistakes +that could have been avoided by a knowledge of the nature of the +child's mind. + +There are, fortunately, many parents who arrive at an understanding +of the nature of the child through sympathetic insight, through +quick observation, through the application of sound sense and the +results of experience to the problems that arise. It is not +necessary that all of us approach the child in the attitude of the +professional scientist; indeed, it is neither possible for us to do +so, nor is it desirable that we should. But it is both possible and +desirable that we make use of the experience and observations of +others, that we apply the results of scientific experiments, that we +reënforce our instincts with all available helps. We need not fall +into the all-too-common error of placing common-sense and practical +insight in opposition to the method of the scientists. Everyone in +this country appreciates the wonderful and valuable services of +Luther Burbank, and no one doubts that if his method could be +extended the whole nation would benefit in an economic way. Yet +Burbank has been unable to teach the rest of us how to apply his +shrewd "common-sense" and his keen intuition to the improvement of +useful and ornamental plants. It was necessary for scientists to +study what he had done in order to make available for the whole +world those principles that make his practice really productive of +desirable results. In the same way it is well for every parent and +every teacher--everyone who has to do with children--to supplement +good sense and observation with the results of scientific study. + +On the other hand, there is no universal formula for the bringing up +of children, one that can be applied to all children everywhere and +always, any more than there is a universal formula for fertilizing +soil or curing disease or feeding babies. Yet there are certain +general laws of child development and certain general principles of +child training which have been derived from scientific studies of +children, and which agree with the best thought and experience of +those who learned to know their children without the help of +science. These general laws and principles may be profitably learned +and used in bringing up the rising generation. + +Too many people, and especially too many parents, think of the child +as merely a small man or woman. This is far from a true conception +of the child. Just as the physical organs of the child work in a +manner different from what we find in the adult, so the mind of the +child works along in a way peculiar to its stage of development. If +a physician should use the same formulas for treating children's +ailments as he uses with adults, simply reducing the size of the +dose, we should consider his methods rather crude. If a parent +should feed an infant the same materials that she supplied to the +rest of the family, only in smaller quantities, we should consider +her too ignorant to be entrusted with the care of the child. And for +similar reasons we must learn that the behavior of the child must be +judged according to standards different from those we apply to an +adult. The same act represents different motives in a child and in +an adult--or in the same child at different ages. + +Moreover, each child is different from every other child in the +whole world. The law has recognized that a given act committed by +two different persons may really be two entirely different acts, +from a moral point of view. How much more important is it for the +parent or the teacher to recognize that each child must be treated +in accordance with his own nature! + +It is the duty of every mother to know the nature of _her_ +child, in order that she may assist in the development of all of his +possibilities. Child Study is a new science, but old enough to give +us great help through what the experts have found out about "child +nature." But the experts do not know _your child;_ they have +studied the problems of childhood, and their results you can use in +learning to know your child. Your problem is always an individual +problem; the problem of the scientist is a general one. From the +general results, however, you may get suggestions for the solution +of your individual problem. + +We all know the mother who complains that her boys did not turn out +just the way she wanted them to--although they are very good boys. +After they have grown up she suddenly realizes one day how far they +are from her in spirit. She could have avoided the disillusion by +recognizing early enough that the interests and instincts of her +boys were healthy ones, notwithstanding they were so different from +her own. She would have been more to the boys, and they more to her, +if, instead of wasting her energy in trying to make them "like +herself," she had tried to develop their tastes and inclinations to +their full possibilities. + +How much happier is the home in which the mother understands the +children, and knows how to treat each according to his disposition, +instead of treating all by some arbitrary rule! As a mother of three +children said one day, "With Mary, just a hint of what I wish is +sufficient to secure results. With John, I have to give a definite +order and insist that he obey. With Robert I get the best results by +explaining and appealing to his reason." How much trouble she saves +herself--and the children--by having found this much out! + +A mother who knows that what we commonly call the "spirit of +destruction" in a child is the same as the _constructive +impulse_ will not be so much grieved when her baby takes the +alarm clock apart as the mother who looks upon this deed as an +indication of depravity or wickedness. + +[Illustration: The impulse to action early leads to "doing."] + +Some of the directions in which the parents may profit from what the +specialists have worked out may be suggested. There is the question +of punishment, for example. How many of us have thought out a +satisfactory philosophy of punishment? In our personal relations +with our children we all too frequently cling to the theory of +punishment that justifies us in "paying back" for the trouble we +have been caused--if, indeed, we do any more than vent our temper at +the annoyance. It is not viciousness on our part; it is merely +ignorance. But the time is rapidly approaching when there will be no +excuse for ignorance, even if it is not yet time to say that +preventable ignorance is vicious. + +How many mothers, for example, realize that the desire on the part +of the child to touch, to do--to get into mischief--is a fundamental +characteristic of childhood, and not an indication of perversity in +her particular Johnny or Mary? How many know that these instincts +are the most useful and the most usable traits that the child has; +that the checking of these impulses may mean the destruction of +individual qualities of great importance in the formation of +character? How many know how wisely to direct these instincts +without thwarting them? + +How many mothers--good housewives--know anything at all about the +imagination, that crowning glory of the human mind? They admire the +poet's flights of fancy; but when, on being asked where his brother +is, Harry says, "He went off in a great, great, big airship," they +feel the call of duty to punish him for his _lies_! + +Many of us have realized in a helpless sort of way that there is +need for expert knowledge in these matters, and have comfortably +shifted the responsibility to the teacher. Parents are often heard +to say, when a troublesome youngster is under discussion, "Just wait +until he begins to go to school." It is not wise to wait. There is +much to be done before the school can be thought of, or even before +the kindergarten age is reached. Indeed, a child is never too young +to profit from the application of thought and knowledge to his +treatment. + +Of course, the training value of the school's work is not to be +underestimated. The social intercourse that the child experiences +there, the regularity of hours, the teacher's personality, all have +their favorable influence in the molding of the child's character. +But neither must we overestimate the powers of the school. The +school has the child but a few hours a day, for barely more than +half the year; the classes are unconscionably large. We all hope +that the classes will be made smaller, but they never can be small +enough, within our own times, for the purpose of really effective +moral training. The relations between teacher and pupil can never be +as intimate as are those of parent and child. The teacher knows the +child, as a rule, only as a member of a group and under special +circumstances; the parents alone have the opportunity to know +closely the individual peculiarities of the child; they alone can +know him in health and in sickness, in joy and in sorrow, in his +strength and in his weakness. The parents can watch their child from +day to day, year after year; whereas the teacher sees the child for +a comparatively short period of his development, and then passes him +on to another. + +The time was--and for most of our children still is--when the +teacher had to know nothing but her "subjects"; the nature of the +child was to her as great a mystery as it is to the ordinary person +who never learned anything about it. She was supposed to deal with +the "average" child that does not exist, and to attempt the futile +task of drawing the laggard up to this arbitrary average and of +holding the genius down to it. The effort is being made to have the +teacher recognize the individuality of each child; but the mother is +still expected to confine her ministrations to his individual +digestion. + +In a dozen different ways the effective methods in the treatment of +children, at home or in school, in the church or on the playground, +depend upon knowledge and understanding, as is the case in all +practical activities. Instincts alone are never sufficient to tell +us what to do, notwithstanding the fact that so much really valuable +work has been achieved in the past without any special training. + +It may be true that in the past the instincts of the child adapted +him to the needs of life. It may also be true that the instincts of +adults adapted them in the past to their proper treatment of +children. We should realize, however, that the conditions of modern +life are so complex that few of us know just what to do under given +conditions unless we have made a special effort to find out. And +this is just as true of the treatment of children as it is of the +care of the health, or of the building of bridges. It is for this +reason that the results of child study are important to all who have +to do with children--whether as teachers or as parents, whether as +club leaders or as directors of institutions, whether as social +workers or as loving uncles and aunts. + +It is impossible to guarantee to anyone that a study of child nature +will enable him or her to train children into models of good +behavior. Knowledge alone does not always produce the desired +results; nevertheless, an understanding of the child should enable +those who have to deal with him to assume an attitude that will +reduce in a great measure their annoyance at the various awkward and +inconsiderate and mischievous acts of the youngsters. Such a study +should make possible a closer intimacy with the child. And, finally, +it should make possible a longer continuance of that intimacy with +the child, which is so helpful for those in authority as well as for +the child himself. + + + + +II. + +THE PROBLEM OF PUNISHMENT + + +Picture to yourself a dark hallway. Behind the door stands an +indignant mother with a strap in her hand. It is past the dinner +hour and William has not yet returned. But here he is now. He comes +bounding up the steps, radiantly happy, and under each arm a +pumpkin. He bursts into the house. His mother seizes him by the +shoulder and proceeds to apply the strap where she thinks it will do +the most good. The little boy is William J. Stillman, and the story +is told in his autobiography. He tells how just an hour before +dinner a neighboring farmer had asked him to go to his field to +shake down the fruit from two apple trees. William was so glad to do +something for which he would receive pay that he allowed the work to +trench upon his dinner-time. The two large pumpkins he brought were +his pay, and he knew that they meant a great deal to his needy +family. Stillman, in writing of the incident, continues: "It is more +than sixty years since that punishment fell on my shoulders, but the +astonishment with which I received the flogging, instead of the +thanks which I anticipated for the wages I was bringing her, the +haste with which any mother administered it lest my father should +anticipate her and beat me after his own fashion, are as vivid in my +recollection as if it had taken place yesterday." + +While I hope that not many of us are guilty of such flagrant abuse +of our power as is described above, still I am certain that on many +occasions we punish just as hastily, without giving a chance for +explanation and with as little thought as to whether "the punishment +fits the crime." + +I have often been impressed by the great interest that mothers take +in uses of punishment and in kinds of punishment. It has sometimes +seemed as if the most valuable thing which they could carry away +with them from some child-study meeting was a new kind of punishment +for some very common offence. I have frequently felt as if the only +contact some mothers have with their children is to punish them, and +that punishment constituted the chief part of the poor children's +training. + +Now, punishment undoubtedly has a place in the training of children, +but only a _negative_ place. The proper punishment, administered in +the right spirit, may cure or correct a fault; _but punishment does +not make children good_. If children are punished frequently, it may +even make them _bad_. + +We can all remember some of the punishments of our own childhood. +How unjust they seemed then, and do even now, after all these years +to heal the wounds! How outraged we felt! Into how unloving a mood +they put us! + +The history of punishment for criminals shows us three stages. With +primitive peoples and in early times the first impulse is to "get +even" or to "strike back." "An eye for an eye"--nothing less would +do. Then comes a stage in which punishment is used to frighten +people from wrong-doing and as a warning--a deterrent for others. +Gradually, very, very slowly, as we become more civilized and +develop moral insight--develop a love for humanity--we come to +recognize that the only legitimate purpose of punishment in the +treatment of offenders is to redeem their characters, to make them +_positively_ better, not merely frighten them into a state of +apparent right-doing--that is, a state of avoiding wrong-doing. + +It is said that each individual in his development lives over the +experiences of the race. How each of us passes through the three +attitudes toward punishment is very interestingly shown by a study +that was made some years ago on 3000 school children, to find out +their own ideas about punishment. Miss Margaret E. Schallenberger +sent out the following story and query and had the answers +tabulated: + +Jennie had a beautiful new box of paints; and in the afternoon, +while her mother was gone, she painted all the chairs in the parlor, +so as to make them look nice for her mother. When the mother came +home, Jennie ran to meet her and said: "Oh, mamma, come and see how +pretty I have made the parlor." But her mamma took her paints away +and sent her to bed. If you had been her mother, what would you have +done or said to Jennie? + +In the answers the most striking thing is the range of reasons given +by the children for punishing Jennie. There are three prominent +reasons. + +The first is clearly for revenge. Jennie was a bad girl; she made +her mother unhappy; she must be made unhappy. She made her mother +angry; she must be made angry. A boy of ten says: "I would have sent +Jennie to bed and not given her any supper, and then she would get +mad and cry." One boy of nine says: "If I had been that woman I +would have half killed her." A sweet (?) little girl would make her +"paint things until she is got enough of it." Another girl: "If I +had been Jennie's mother, I would of painted Jennie's face and hands +and toes. I would of switched her well. I would of washed her mouth +out with soap and water, and I should stand her on the floor for +half an hour." + +This view was taken mostly by the younger children. + +The second reason for punishing is to prevent a repetition of the +act. A thirteen year old girl says: "I would take the paints away +and not let her have them until she learned not to do that again." +When a threat is used it is with the same idea in view: "I wouldn't +do anything just then, but I would have said: 'If you do that any +more I would whip you and send you to bed besides!'" All trace of +revenge has disappeared. + +The third stage of punishment is higher still. Jennie is punished in +order to reform her. In the previous examples the _act_ was +all-important. Now Jennie and her moral condition come into the +foreground. None of the younger children take the trouble to explain +to Jennie why it was wrong to paint the parlor chairs. A large +percentage of the older ones do so explain. + +A country boy of fourteen says: "I would have took her with me into +the parlor, and I would have talked to her about the injury she had +done to the chairs, and talked kindly to her, and explained to her +that the paints were not what was put on chairs to make them look +nice." + +A girl of sixteen says: "I think that the mother was very unwise to +lose her temper over something which the child had done to please +her. I think it would have been far wiser in her to have kissed the +little one, and then explained to her how much mischief she had done +in trying to please her mother." + +We can see from this study that the children themselves are capable +of reaching a rather lofty attitude toward wrong-doing and punishment, +yet these children when grown up--that is, we ourselves--so frequently +return to a more primitive way of looking at these problems. In +punishing our children we go back to the method of the five- and +six-year-old. + +What is the reason for our apparent back-sliding? Is it not plainly +the fact that we allow ourselves to be mastered by the animal +instinct to strike back? When the child does something that causes +annoyance or even damage, do we stop to consider his motive, his +"intent," or do we only respond to the _result_ of his action? +Do we have a studied policy for treating his offence, or do we slide +back to the desire to "get even" or to "pay him" for what he has +done? + +Sometimes a very small offence will have grave consequences, while a +really serious fault may cause but little trouble. + +Here, for instance, is Harry, who was so intent upon chasing the +woodchuck that he ran through the new-sown field, trampling down the +earth. He caused considerable damage. If your punishment assumes the +proportion dictated by the anger which the harm caused, he certainly +will be dealt with severely. Knowing that he had not meant to do +wrong, he cannot help but feel the injustice of your wrath. Of +course, he has been careless and he must be impressed with the harm +such carelessness can cause. Whether you lock him in a room or +deprive him of some special pleasure, or whether you merely talk to +him, depends upon you and upon Harry. But one thing must be certain: +Harry must not get the notion that you are avenging yourself upon +him for the harm he has done, or for the ill-feeling aroused by his +act--he must not feel that "you are taking it out of him" because +you have been made angry. + +This brings us to the old rule: _Never punish in anger_. + +On the other hand, while we must allow every trace of anger to +disappear, we must not allow so much time to elapse as to make the +child lose the connection between his act and the consequence. A +little boy at breakfast threw some salt upon his sister's apple in a +spirit of mischief. The mother sent him out of the room and told him +that he would have to go to bed two hours earlier than usual that +night as a punishment for his misdeed. Now we all know that "the +days of youth are long, long days," and the many events of that day +had completely crowded out of the little boy's mind the trivial, +impulsive act of the morning. The punishment could not arouse in him +any feeling but that of unjust privation. + +This particular case illustrates three other problems in connection +with punishment. In the first place, nothing that is considered +desirable or beneficial should be brought into disfavor by being +used as a punishment. Sleep is a blessing, and, it may be said in +general, no healthy child gets too much of it. By imposing two hours +of additional sleep upon the child the mother discredits sleeping. +It isn't logical. It is as unreasonable as that once favorite +punishment of teachers, now rapidly being discarded, of keeping +children after school. On the one side they are told how grateful +they should be for this great boon of education, and for being +allowed to come to school, and then they are told: "You have been +very bad and troublesome to-day; as a punishment you shall have an +extra hour of this great privilege." + +The second point is that no punishment should ever deprive a child +of conditions that are necessary for his health or impose conditions +that are harmful. And, finally, it is not wise to exaggerate the +importance of trivial acts by treating them too seriously. The +little boy tried to be "smart" when he threw that salt. With nearly +every child it would be sufficient, in a case like this, to make him +feel that it was really very silly and that he had made himself +ridiculous in the eyes of the family. + +Very often the seriousness of a child's offence is greatly +exaggerated. We must not waste our ammunition on these small +matters; if we use our strongest terms of disapproval for the many +little everyday vexations, we shall be left quite without resource +when something really serious does occur. Children are very +sensitive to such exaggerations, and their attention is so much +taken up with the injustice of making a big ado about such trifles +that they overlook what is reprehensible in their own conduct. + +Some of the greatest authorities believe that a child should be +allowed to suffer the consequences of his deeds. We should borrow +from nature, they say, her method of dealing with offenders. If a +child touches fire he will be burnt, and each time the same effect +will follow his deed. Why not let our punishments be as certain and +uniform in their reaction? To a certain extent this plan can be +followed. If a little girl stubbornly refuses to wear her mittens, +it is all right to let her suffer the consequences, the natural +consequences--and let her hands get quite cold. + +But this principle cannot be consistently applied as a general +method. If a child insists upon leaning far out of the window it +would be foolish to let him suffer the consequences and fall, +possibly to his death. Part of our function is to prevent our +children from suffering all the possible consequences of their +actions. We are here to guide them and to protect them. + +To abandon the child to the natural consequences of his moral +actions would be even more harmful, for very often we must separate +the child from his fault. This is true in a double sense. In the +first place, we are concerned chiefly in removing the child's +faults, as a physician seeks to separate a patient from his +sickness. But we must also avoid the error of identifying any fault +with the fundamental nature of the child; that is, we must keep +before us the character of the child as distinct from the wrong acts +which the child may commit. If a child lies, that does not make of +him a liar, any more than does his failure to understand what he has +just been told make of him a blockhead. Yet the natural consequence +of lying, for instance, is to be mistrusted in the future--to be +branded a liar. This, however, is one of the worst things that can +happen to a child, and one of the surest ways of making him a +habitual liar. Many children pass through a stage in which they +naturally come to have the feeling which is expressed in the saying: +"If I have the name, I may as well have the game." We must show the +child that we have unbounded confidence in him, otherwise he will +lose faith in himself. + +It is clear, then, that the "natural" method will not work in such +cases, for the impulse to condemn the child after he has committed a +wrong deed, instead of condemning the _deed_, may merely help +to fix upon him the habit of committing similar deeds in the future. + +In Nature, too, the same punishment invariably follows the same +offence. If we try to imitate that method, the child soon learns +what he has to reckon with. If the child knows that a certain action +will produce a certain result, he often thinks it is worth the +price. Then the child feels that he has had his way, and, having +paid the price, the account is squared; so he feels justified in +doing the same thing again. In following this course we defeat our +own ends, as this kind of punishment does _not_ act as a fine +moral deterrent. + +Scolding as a punishment is also not efficacious. We are justified +in having our indignation aroused at times and in letting the +offender feel our displeasure. There is something calm and +impressive about genuine indignation, while scolding is apt to +become nagging and to arouse contempt in the child. + +When we consider the many difficulties of finding a punishment +exactly fitted to the offence in a way that will make the offender +avoid repetition, we are tempted to resort to sermonizing and +reasoning, for through our words we hope at times to establish in +the child's mind a direct relation between his conduct and the +undesirable consequences that spring from it. + +In doing this, however, we should not speak in generalities, but +bring before the child's mind concrete examples of his own +objectionable acts from recent experience. It is useless to tell +John how important it is to be punctual and let it go at that; it is +not enough even to tell him that he often fails to be on time. If +you can remind him that he was late for dinner on Wednesday, missed +the letter-carrier twice last month, and delayed attending to an +errand Monday until all the shops were closed, you have him where he +can understand your point. Mary will listen respectfully enough to a +homily on being considerate, but it will have little effect upon her +compared to bringing before her a picture of some of her actions: +how, instead of coming right home from school the day you were not +feeling well, and helping you with some of your tasks, she had gone +to visit a friend just that afternoon. + +But reasoning with a child often fails to accomplish its purpose, +because the child's reasoning is so different from that of an adult. +Unless there is a nearly perfect understanding of the workings of +the child's mind, reasoning is frequently futile. A seven-year-old +boy who had received a long lecture on the impropriety of keeping +dead crabs in his pockets said, after it was all over: "Well, they +were alive when I put them in. You are wasting a lot of my precious +time." These little brains have a way of working out combinations +that seem weird to us grown-ups. + +Only with a child of a certain type and a parent able to understand +the workings of his mind may the method of reasoning work +satisfactorily in correcting faults and establishing good habits and +ideals. + +No discussion of this subject would be complete without a word on +corporal punishment. It is impossible here to present all the +arguments for or against it. I am sure, however, that the most +enthusiastic advocates of it will admit that it is not always +practised with discretion and that it is in most cases not only +unnecessary but positively harmful. Children that are treated like +animals will behave like animals; violence and brutality do not +bring out the best in a child's nature. It would seem that +intelligent parents do not need to resort to such methods in the +training of normal children. + +As suggested by our veteran novelist, William Dean Howells, we have +clung to the wisdom of Solomon, in this respect, through centuries +of changing conditions. Solomon said: "Spare the rod and spoil the +child"; Mr. Howells suggests that we might with profit spoil the rod +and spare the child. In the small families of to-day there is no +need to cling to the methods that may have worked well enough with +the Oriental, polygamous despot, who never could know all his +children individually, and it is therefore hardly necessary to use +Solomon as our authority. + +It is plain, then, that it is impossible to recommend any punishment +as _the correct one_, or even to recommend any one infallible +rule. This must depend upon the parent, upon the child, and upon the +circumstances. But there are certain definite principles which we +must keep in mind and which will do much toward making our task of +discipline more rational: + +We must never punish in anger. + +We must consider the _motive_ and the _temptations_ before +the _consequence_ of the deed. + +We must condemn the _deed_ and not the child. + +We must be sure that the child understands exactly the offence with +which he is charged. + +We must be sure that he sees the _relation_ of the +_offence_ to the _punishment_. + +We must never administer any _excessive_ or unusual punishment. + +We must not _exaggerate_ the magnitude of the offence. + +If we keep these principles in mind we may not always be right, but +we shall certainly be right more often than if we had no policy or +definite ideas. But, above all, we must recognize that punishment is +only a corrective, and that it is our duty to build up the positive +virtues. Let us expend our energy in the effort to establish good +habits and ideals, and the child will shed many of the faults which +now occupy the centre of our interest and attention. + +In a family where the proper spirit of intimacy and mutual +understanding and forbearance reigns punishment will be relegated to +its proper place--namely, the medicine closet--and not be used as +daily bread. For punishment is a medicine--a corrective--and when we +administer it we must do in the spirit of the physician. We do not +wish to be quacks and have one patent remedy to cure all evils; but, +like physicians worthy of their trust, we must study the ailment and +its causes, and above all must we study the patient. The same remedy +will not do for all constitutions. Therefore the punishment must not +only fit the crime, but it must also be made to fit the "criminal." + +Love and patience are the secret of child management. Love which can +fare from the chilliest soul; patience which knows how to wait for +the harvest. + + + + +III. + +WHEN YOUR CHILD IMAGINES THINGS + + +Johnny was playing in the room while his mother was sewing at the +window. Johnny looked out of the window and exclaimed, "Oh, mother, +see that great big lion!" + +His mother looked, but saw only a medium-sized dog. + +"Why, Johnny," replied the mother, "how can you say such a thing? +You know very well that was only a dog. Now go right in the corner +and pray to God to forgive you for telling such a lie!" + +Johnny went. When he came back, he said triumphantly, "See, mother, +God said He thought it was a lion Himself." + +This poor mother is a typical example of a large class of mothers +who fail to understand their children because they have no idea of +what goes on in the child's mind. To Johnny the lion was just as +_real_ as the dog was to the mother. And even if the dog had +not been there for the mother to see, Johnny could have seen just as +real a lion. + +Every mother ought to know that practically every healthy child has +imagination. You will have to take a long day's journey to find a +child that has no imagination to begin with--and then you will find +that this child is wonderfully uninteresting, or actually stupid. + +You can easily observe for yourself that as soon as a child knows a +large number of objects and persons and names he will begin to +rearrange his bits of knowledge into new combinations, and in this +way make a little world of his own. In this world, beasts and +furniture and flowers talk and have adventures. When the dew is on +the grass, "the grass is crying." Butterflies are "flying pansies." +Lightning is the "sky winking," and so on. This activity of the +child's mind begins at about two years, and reaches its height +between the ages of four and six. But it continues through life with +greater or less intensity, according to circumstances and original +disposition. + +It is not only the poet and artist who need imagination, but all of +us in our everyday concerns. Do you realize that the person to whom +you like so much to talk about your affairs, because she is so +sympathetic, _is sympathetic_ because she has imagination? For +without imagination we cannot "put ourselves in the place of +another," and much of the misery in the relation between human +beings exists because so many of us are unable to do this. The happy +cannot realize the needs of the miserable, and the miserable cannot +understand why anyone should be happy--if they lack imagination. + +The need for imagination, far from being confined to dreamers and +persons who dwell in the clouds, is of great _practical_ +importance in the development of mind and character. Imagination is +a direct help in learning, and in developing sympathy. As one of our +great moral leaders, Felix Adler, has said, much of the selfishness +of the world is due, not to actual hard-heartedness, but to lack of +imaginative power. + +We all know the classic example of Queen Marie Antoinette, who, when +told that the people were rioting for want of bread, exclaimed, +"Why, let them eat cake instead!" Brought up in luxury, she could +not realize what absolute want means. She had no imagination. + +The world has progressed, but we still have among us the same type +of unfortunate persons who are unable to put themselves in the place +of others. I recently heard of a woman who, on being told of a +family so poor that they had had nothing but cold potatoes for +supper the night before, replied: + +"They may be poor, but the mother must be a very bad housekeeper, +anyway. For, even if they had nothing but potatoes to eat, she might +at least have fried them." + +Like her royal prototype, this modern woman had not the imagination +to realize that a family could be so poor as to be in want of fuel. + +But being able to put yourself in the place of another is of +importance not only from the strictly moral point of view. You can +easily see how it will affect one's everyday relations, how it will +be of great help in avoiding misunderstandings of all kinds--as +between mother and child, between mistress and maid, etc. + +If parents would only realize this importance of imagination, and +not look upon it as a "vain thing," they would not merely +_allow_ the child's imagination to take its own course; they +would actually make efforts to cultivate and encourage it. In this +way they would not only aid the child in becoming a better and more +sympathetic man or woman, but would also add much to the happiness +of the child. + +Unless we have given special thought to this matter, most of us +grown-ups do not appreciate how very real the child's world of +make-believe is to him, and how essential to his happiness that we do +not break into it rudely. When one of my boys was two and a half years +old he was one day playing with an imaginary baby sister. A member of +the household came into the room, whereupon he immediately broke out +in wild screaming and became very much agitated. It took some time to +quiet him and to find out that the cause of all his trouble was the +fact that this person had inadvertently stepped upon his imaginary +sister, whom he had placed upon the floor. Before him he saw his +little sister crushed, and great were his horror and grief. + +I know from this experience and many others that if we do not enter +into the child's world and try to understand the working of his mind +we will often find him naughty, when he is not naughty at all. In +the example given it would have been very easy to follow the first +impulse to reprove the child for what seemed very unreasonable +conduct on his part. And such cases arise constantly. + +How completely the child throws himself into an imaginary character is +shown by an incident which occurred recently. A little boy of four, +who had been accustomed to speak only German at home, was playing +"doctor," and was so absorbed in the play that when dinner-time came +he was loath to abandon the role. His mother, to avoid delay, simply +said, "I think we will invite the doctor to have dinner with us," and +he promptly accepted the invitation. When the maid came in, he said in +English, "What is her name?" + +"Marie," the mother replied. "Isn't that Mary in English?" the child +politely inquired. "You see, I cannot speak German, for my mother +never taught me." And although this little boy never spoke English +to his parents nor his parents to him, as "doctor" he spoke English +throughout the meal. + +Many parents enter spontaneously into the spirit of their children's +games, and make believe with the best of them. They pity poor Johnny +when he screams with terror at the attack of the make-believe bear, +and take great joy in admiring the make-believe kitten. If we but +realized how all this make believe helps in the development of +character and in the gaining of knowledge, _all_ parents would +try to develop the child's imagination, and not only those who have +the gift intuitively. It is the child's natural way of learning +things, of getting acquainted with all living and inanimate objects +in his environment. It sharpens his observation. A child who tries +to "act a horse," for example, will be much more apt to notice all +the different activities and habits of the horse in his various +relations than a child who merely observes passively. + +A child with imagination, when receiving directions or instructions, +can picture to himself what he is expected to do, and easily +translates his instructions into action. To the unimaginative child +the directions given will be so many words, and he cannot carry out +these instructions as effectively. + +Again and again teachers find that pupils fail to carry out orders, +though able, when asked, to repeat word for word the instructions +given them. + +The plaintive inquiry, "What shall I do now?" is much more +frequently heard from the child who is unimaginative or who has had +the play of his imagination curbed. For the child can _be_ +whatever he wishes, and _have_ whatever he likes, his heart's +desire is at his finger's end, once his imagination is free. The +rocking-chair can be a great big ship, the carpet a rolling sea, and +at most a suggestion is needed from the busy mother. A few chairs +can be a train of cars and keep him occupied for hours. A wooden box +is transformed into a mighty locomotive--in fact, give an +imaginative child almost anything, a string of beads, or a piece of +colored glass, and out of it his imagination will construct great +happiness. + +A normal child does not need elaborate toys. The only function of a +toy, as someone has well said, is "to serve as lay figures upon +which the child's imagination can weave and drape its fancy." + +Although parents have not always understood what goes on in the +child's mind when he is so busy with his play, our poets and lovers +of children have had a deeper insight. Stevenson, in his poem "My +Kingdom," shows us how, with the touch of imagination, the child +transforms the commonplace objects of his surroundings into material +for rich romance: + +Down by a shining water well +I found a very little dell, + No higher than my head. +The heather and the gorse about +In summer bloom were coming out, + Some yellow and some red. + +I called the little pool a sea: +The little hills were big to me; + For I am very small. +I made boat, I made a town, +I searched the caverns up and down, + And named them one and all. + +And all about was mine, I said, +The little sparrows overhead, + The little minnows, too. +This was the world and I was king: +For me the bees came by to sing, + For me the swallows flew. + +I played there were no deeper seas, +Nor any wilder plains than these, + Nor other kings than me. +At last I hear my mother call +Out from the house at evenfall, + To call me home to tea. + +And I must rise and leave my dell, +And leave my dimpled water well, + And leave my heather blooms. +Alas! and as my home I neared, +How very big my nurse appeared, + How great and cool the rooms! + +Some children do not even need _objects_ as a starting point +for their imaginative activity. They can just conjure up persons and +things to serve as material for their play. Many children, when +alone, have imaginary companions. One little boy, when taken out for +his airing, daily met an imaginary friend, whom he called "Buster." +As soon as he stepped out of the house he uttered a peculiar call, +to which Buster replied--though no one but he heard him--and he +would run to meet him and they would have a lovely time together, +sometimes for hours at a stretch. + +Another little child received a daily visit from an imaginary cow. +There was a certain place in the living-room where this red cow with +white spots would appear. The child would go through the motions of +feeding her, patting her, and bringing her water. + +In these two cases the "companionship" lasted but a few months, but +there are children whose imaginary companions grow up with them and +get older as they get older. + +[Illustration: Imagination supplies this two-year-old a prancing +steed.] + +In some instances there is a group of such imaginary companions, and +their activities constitute "a continued story," of which the child +is a living centre, although not necessarily the hero. + +It seems to me that the power to create his own friends must be a +great boon to a child who is forced to be alone a great deal or has +no congenial companions. + +There need be no fear--except perhaps in very extreme cases--that +such activity of the imagination is morbid. A little girl who plays +with her dolls is really doing the same thing, only that she has a +symbol for each of her imaginary companions. + +But although an imaginative child is much easier to teach later on, +and although he does not trouble you with the incessant nagging +"What shall I do now?" the mother whose idea of good conduct is +"keeping quiet" will find the unimaginative child much easier to +care for. He is very much less active and therefore "less +troublesome." This explains why this priceless gift of imagination +has so often been discouraged by parents and teachers. But they did +not know that they were actually _harming_ the child by so +discouraging him, or, let us hope, they would not have chosen the +easier way. For, after all, we are not looking for the easiest way +of getting along with children, but for the best, and the best for +them will prove in the end to be the best for us. + +It must certainly try your patience, when you are tired, at the end +of a day's work, to have Harry refuse to come to be put to bed +because you called him "Harry"; and he replies, perhaps somewhat +crossly: "I am not Harry, I told you. I am little Jack Horner, and I +have to sit in my corner." But no matter how hard it may seem, do +not get discouraged. Once you are fully aware of the importance of +what seems to be but silly play, you will add this one more to your +many sacrifices, and find that it will bring returns a hundredfold. +And, after all, as in so many other problems, when you resolve to +make the sacrifice, it turns out to be no sacrifice. For, once you +approach the problem in an understanding spirit, the flights of the +child's imagination will give you untold pleasure. + +Another reason why imagination has been suppressed by those who are +in charge of children is the fear that it will lead to the formation +of habits of untruthfulness. It is very hard to realize, unless you +understand the child's nature, that the child is not lying when he +says something that is manifestly not so to you and the other +adults. I have heard children reproved for lying when I was sure +that they had no idea of what a "lie" is. In one family an older boy +broke a plate and, when charged with the deed, denied it flatly. His +little brother, however, confessed and described just how he had +broken it. Now, the older boy was telling a falsehood consciously-- +probably from fear of punishment. The little fellow, however, was +not telling an untruth--from his point of view. He really imagined +having broken that plate. He had heard the event discussed by the +family until all the incidents were vivid to him and he pictured +himself as the hero. + +Up to a certain time it is impossible for the child to distinguish +between what we call _real_ and his make-believe. Both are +equally real to him, and the make-believe is ever so much more +interesting. + +Until about the fifth year a child does not know that he is +imagining; between the ages of four and six the imaginative period +is at its height, and there begins to appear a sort of undercurrent +of consciousness that it is all make-believe, and this heightens the +pleasure of trying to make it seem real. Gradually the child learns +to distinguish between imaginary experiences and real ones, but +until you are quite certain that he _does_ distinguish, do not +attach any moral significance to his stories. Should an older child +be inclined to tell falsehoods, you may be sure that this is +_not_ because his imagination has been cultivated. There are +then other reasons and causes, and they must be studied on their own +account. + +After you come to a clear appreciation of the value of imagination +in the child's development you will, instead of suppressing his +feelings, look around for ways of encouraging this activity of his +mind. You will see a new value in fairy tales and fables and a new +significance in every turn of his fancy. + + + + +IV. + +THE LIES CHILDREN TELL + + +None of the petty vices of childhood appears to shock adults so much +as lying; and none is more widespread among children--and among +adults. As we are speaking of children, however, it is enough to say +that all children lie--constantly, persistently, universally. +Perhaps you will be less grieved by the lies of your children, and +less loath to admit that they do lie, if you realize that _all_ +children lie. The mother who tells you that her child never lies is +either deceiving herself or trying to impress you with the +superiority of her off-spring. In her case the untruthfulness of +childhood has not been remedied. + +However, although lying is so common, that is no reason for ignoring +the lies of children. They have to be taught to know the truth, and +to speak it and to act it. And they can be taught. The Psalmist +said, "All men are liars"; but he spoke hastily, as he afterward +learned. All of us are probably born with instincts that make it +easy for us to acquire the art of lying; but we have also the +instincts that make us love the truth and speak it. Indeed, a child +may acquire a hatred of untruth that is so keen as to be positively +distressing; and this condition is just as morbid and undesirable as +that of the other extreme, which accepts lies as the usual thing. + +As in other problems connected with the bringing up of children, the +first and the last aim should be to understand the child, the +individual, particular child. Will your child become a habitual +liar, or will he simply "outgrow" the tendency toward untruthfulness, +as he will leave other childish things behind him? It is impossible to +tell; but for the vast majority of children a great deal depends upon +the kind of treatment given. If you do not treat the lies of your +children _understandingly_, there is the danger that you will +bring out other characteristics, perhaps even more undesirable +ones--such as cruelty, vindictiveness, or even _actual deceit_. + +We must recognize that there is no general faculty of lying. It is +very easy for us to class as _lies_ every word and every act +that is not in complete harmony with the facts--as we understand +them. But there are many kinds of lies, as well as many degrees of +them. A child that is branded a liar has undoubtedly given abundant +occasion for mistrust, and has lied aplenty; but undoubtedly also he +has specialized in his lying, and would be incapable of certain +kinds of lies that are common enough with other children. As we are +the judges of our children in all of their misdeeds, we must +preserve not only a judicious attitude, but we must really be +_just_. And to this end it is essential that we take into +consideration all the circumstances that lead to a lie, including +the motives, as well as the special traits of the particular child. + +The first thing that we should keep always in mind is that the moral +character of the child is still unformed, and that his standards of +truth, like his other standards, are not the same as those of the +adult. Indeed, this fact is at the same time the hope of childhood +and the source of its many tragedies. It is the hope because the +child is _growing_, and acquiring new vision and new powers; +the child of to-day is the adult of to-morrow, and most of the +children of to-day will be at least as developed, in time, as the +adults of to-day. The tragedy arises from the fact that as we grow +older we forget the outlook of the child, and misunderstandings +between the parents and the children are almost inevitable. + +Whatever the prevailing morality of a community may demand, the fact +remains that practically all children up to a certain age consider +it perfectly legitimate to lie to their enemies if they but tell the +truth to their friends. Children may lie to the policeman, or to the +teacher, or to anyone with whom they are for the moment in conflict. +This is a relic of the time when our savage ancestors found it +necessary to practice deceit in order to save themselves from their +enemies. So ingrained is this instinct that many a child will stick +to a falsehood before the teacher or other inquisitors, only to +retract and "go to pieces" when obliged to answer his mother. It has +been shown over and over again that children even well along in the +teens consider it quite right to tell one story to a teacher or to +another child who is disliked, and a different story to one that is +liked. This attitude probably arises not so much from a desire to +deceive as an outcome of natural cunning and adaptability. + +This is illustrated by the little girl who used to throw the crust +of her bread under the table, to get more soft bread. The child was +too young to deceive anyone; she could not possibly have the idea of +deceit or of lying. She had simply come to dispose of the crust in +this way because she had associated the arrival of more bread with +her empty-handedness; to throw the bread under the table was a +direct way to the getting of what she wanted. The question of truth +or untruth never entered the little mind. To treat this child as a +liar would not only be unjust, but would be apt to make the child +conscious of the idea of deceit. Later in his development the child +may still use the same kind of cunning in getting what he wants or +in escaping what he does not like, without the intention to deceive. +And a lie, to be a lie, must include that intention. + +All students of child nature agree that a very young child--say +before the age of four or five--does not lie consciously. Later, the +child may say many things that are not so, but gradually he comes to +recognize the difference between what he says and what is really so; +he may need help in coming to see the difference, but this aid +should not be forced upon him too soon. A little boy of five who was +very imaginative became acquainted with some older children in a new +neighborhood who had little imagination and therefore were greatly +shocked by Herbert's "stories." They proceeded to inform him that he +was lying, and to explain to him what a lie was. The boy was very +much impressed. After he came home he discovered that there was a +great deal of lying going on. He asked his little brother, "Are you +older than me?"--to which the little one answered in the +affirmative. Herbert came running to his mother to report that the +baby had "told a lie!" For several weeks everything that was said +was subject to the child's severe scrutiny; every slightest mistake +was at once labelled by him as a "lie." Richard said _this_ is +my right hand, that is a lie; Helen said I may not play with the +hammer, mother said I may, so Helen lied; the maid said it was time +to go to bed, but it is only five minutes to seven, so the maid +lied. And he would delight especially in asking the baby brother +leading questions, to trap him into saying lies. This experience did +not result in making Herbert any more scrupulous in his own speech, +for his imagination created interesting and dramatic situations, +which he described with zeal and enthusiasm, for a long time after +he had discovered "lies." + +The young child is really incapable of distinguishing between his +dreams and reality on the one hand, and between reality and his +day-dreams or imaginings on the other. A little boy came home from +kindergarten a few days after he had entered, and, when the experience +was still full of novelties to him, he described the workshop: each +little boy had a pair of overalls with the name across the bib in +black letters; there was a little locker for each child, with the name +on the outside; each had his set of tools and his place at the bench. +Day by day he narrated his doings in "school" and reported the +progress he was making with a little "hair-pin box" that he intended +for his aunt's birthday. On the birthday the mother came to the school +to see how the boy was getting on; and she asked about the hair-pin +box which he was now to bring home. It then appeared that there was no +shop, no overalls, no lockers, no tools. The whole story was a +creation of the child's imagination, and all the details he had +invented were real enough to him to be described repeatedly with such +vividness that no one suspected for a moment that it was all a +fabrication. To call such stories "lies" would be worse than useless. +If scolding or preaching could make a child merely stop _telling_ such +stories, there would be no gain; if they stopped a child _thinking_ +such stories, there would be a decided loss. + +Gradually the child may come to recognize the difference between the +make-believe and the reality, and he may be helped. When at a +certain age you think your child ought to distinguish more clearly +between his imagination and cold facts, it would be all right to +explain to him that, although there is no harm in his enjoying his +make-believe, still he must not tell his fancies as if they were +real, but must tell them as "make-believe stories." That will +achieve the desired result without making him feel hurt at your lack +of understanding in treating him like an ordinary liar whose prime +intention is to deceive. But it is not wise to force this +development, even at the risk of prolonging the age of dreams. + +With some children lying is caused by their esthetic feelings. It is +much easier for them to describe a situation as they feel it should +have been than to describe it as it actually was. Many children +"embellish the facts" without any trace of intent to deceive. +Although we recognize that what they say is not strictly the truth, +we must further recognize that it is their love of the beautiful or +their sense of the fitness of things that leads them to these +"exaggerations." It is the same sort of instinct as shows itself in +our love of certain kinds of fiction. We know that some of the happy +endings in the plays and in the novels are often far-fetched; but we +like to have the happy endings, or the "poetic justice" endings, or +the "irony of fate" endings, just the same. When the child makes up +his endings to fit his sense of justice or beauty, we must not +condemn him, as we are often tempted to do, by calling his +fabrication a "lie," for that at once puts it in the same class as +deliberate deceit for a selfish purpose. There is really no harm in +this class of lies, unless, as the child grows older, it becomes +apparent that he lets his wishes and preferences interfere with his +vision of what is actually going on. In such cases the remedy is not +to be found in the denunciation of lying, but in giving the child +opportunity to experience realities that cannot be treated +untruthfully. To this end various kinds of hand work and scientific +study have been useful. It is impossible for the child to cheat the +tools of the workshop or his instruments of precision; it is +impossible to make a spool of thread do the work of two or three; or +one cannot make the paint go farther by applying the brush faster. +It is concrete reality that can teach the imaginative child reality; +in the things he learns from books there is no check upon the +imagined and the desired--one kind of outcome is as likely and as +true as another. But in the experience of the workaday world causes +and consequences cannot be so easily altered by a trick of words. + +Investigation has shown that the sentimental or heroic element is +one that appeals to children so strongly that it may often lead to +what we adults would call lies, or it would seem to the child to +justify lying. The confession to a deed that he has not committed, +for the purpose of saving a weaker companion from punishment or +injury, seems to be a type of lie that appeals strongly to most +children. Again and again have boys--and girls, too--declared +stoically that they were guilty of some dereliction of which they +were quite innocent, to shield a friend. And most children not only +admire such acts, but will seek to defend them on moral grounds, +even when they are old enough to know what a _lie_ is. The +explanation for this is to be found in the fact that the child sees +every situation or problem as a whole; he has not yet learned to +separate problems into their component parts. A situation is to him +all wrong or all right; he cannot see that a part may be wrong, +while another part is right. Now in the case of the self-confessed +culprits, the magnanimity and heroism of the act stand out so +prominently that they quite overshadow the trifling circumstance +that the hero did _not_ do the wicked deed. + +An excellent illustration of this trait of child nature came out in +an inquiry that was made a number of years ago. A child replied, in +answer to the question "When would a lie be justified?" that if the +mother's life depended upon it one would have the moral duty of +saying that she "was out, although she was really in." That is, it +would be one's duty to make the great moral _sacrifice_ of +speaking an untruth for the sake of saving the mother. Any child +will tell you, as did this one, that it would be wicked to tell a +lie to save his own life! + +This suggests another type of lie that is quite common. Most +children feel their personal loyalties so keenly that they would do +many things that they themselves consider wrong for a person they +love or admire. A little girl was so much impressed with the moral +teachings of her Sunday-school teacher that she was determined to +get her a suitable Christmas present. Now, the family had not the +means to supply such a present, and Mary knew it, and was greatly +distressed by the fact. However, where there is a will there is a +way; and Mary found the way by cunningly stealing a moustache cup +from a store with the inspiring legend "To dear Father" and +beautiful red and blue roses and gilt leaves. Mary had learned that +it was wicked to steal and to lie, etc., but her heart was set on +getting something for the teacher, not for herself, and she very +unselfishly risked her moral salvation for the person she loved and +admired. + +It is probably better for the child if we do not push the analysis +of acts and motives too early, for there is more danger at a certain +age from morbid self-consciousness than from acquiring vicious +habits. If we recognize that many of the lapses from the paths of +truth arise from really worthy motives, we must make sure that these +ideals become fixed before we attempt to separate the unworthy act +from the commendable purpose. + +The cases so far given show how important it is to retain not only +the affection but also the confidence of our children; and how +important it is to have right teachers and associates. The child +will do what he can to please those he really likes or admires; but +the kind of thing he will do will depend a great deal upon what +those he admires themselves like to see done. + +There are some lies that are due to faulty observation. We do not +often realize to what extent we supplement our sense perceptions in +relating our experiences. Lawyers tell us that it is very difficult +to have a witness relate _exactly_ what he saw; he is always +adding details for completing the story in accordance with his +_interpretation_ of what he saw. This is not lying in any +sense, but it is relating as alleged facts what are in reality +conclusions from facts. One may be an unreliable witness without +being a liar; and so may the child tell us things that we know are +not so because, in trying to tell a complete story, he has to +supplement what he actually saw with what he feels _must_ have +been a part of the incident. Defects of judgment as well as +delusions of the senses or lapses of memory may lead to +misstatements that are not really lies. Some delusions of the +senses, especially of sight and of hearing, undoubtedly have a +physical cause. + +Another source of comparatively harmless lying is the instinct for +secretiveness. Children just love to have secrets, and if there are +none on hand, they have to be invented. A child will tell another a +secret on condition that it be kept a secret; but when the secret is +told it turns out to be a falsehood--perhaps even something +libellous. Now, the child cannot feel that he has done anything +wicked, for to his mind the big thing is that Nellie promised not to +tell, and she broke her promise! If she had not broken her promise +to keep the secret, it never would have come out, and no harm would +have been done. Perhaps we have not yet sufficiently driven secrets +from our common life to demand that the children shall be without +secrets. When we set the children an example of perfect frankness +and open dealing in all matters, we may perhaps be in a position to +discourage the invention of secrets by the young people. +Secretiveness leads naturally to deceit; but it is not in itself +serious enough to make much ado about. Healthy children in healthful +social surroundings will outgrow this instinct; where the atmosphere +is charged with intrigue and scheming and dissimulation, this +instinct may survive longer, but its manifestation is in itself not +a trait that should give its concern. + +Some children lie because they are inclined to brag or show off; +others for just the opposite reason--they are too sensitive or +timid. And a lie that comes from either side of the child's nature +cannot be taken as a sign of moral depravity; the treatment which a +child is given must take into consideration the child's temperament. +Charles Darwin tells of his own inclination to make exaggerated +statements for the purpose of causing a sensation. "I told another +little boy," he writes in his autobiography, "that I could produce +variously-colored polyanthuses and primroses by watering them with +certain colored fluids, which was, of course, a monstrous fable, and +had never been tried by me. I may here also confess that as a little +boy I was much given to inventing deliberate falsehoods, and this +was always done for the sake of causing excitement. For instance, I +once gathered much valuable fruit from my father's trees and hid it +in the shrubbery and then ran in breathless haste to spread the news +that I had discovered a hoard of stolen fruit." + +For the vaunting lie it is usually sufficient to defeat its purpose +by showing that the boast cannot be carried out. The braggart is +made to descend from the pedestal of the hero to the level of the +fool. + +How the other extreme in disposition may lead to a "lie" is shown by +the little girl who was sent to the store for a loaf of bread and +came back saying that there was no more to be had. The mother was +very sure that that could not be, but soon found out, on +questioning, that the child had forgotten what she was sent to get +and was then afraid of being ridiculed for having forgotten. Here +the cause of the lie was timidity. To punish this child would only +make her more timid. In a case of this kind the mother should try to +cultivate the self-confidence of the child instead of punishing her +for untruthfulness. + +Perhaps the most common kind of lie is the one that a child tells in +order to escape punishment. It is often chosen as "the easiest way" +without realization of any serious wrong-doing. And even when a +child is taught the wrong of it, it is still too helpful to be +entirely dropped. As a little boy once said, "A lie is an +abomination to the Lord, and an ever-ready help in time of trouble." +The first lie of this kind that a child invents comes without any +feeling of moral wrong-doing. He has only an instinctive shrinking +from pain. To cure a child of this kind of lie, we must take his +disposition into consideration; there is no one remedy that suits +all children. In some cases it has worked very well to develop the +courage of the child, so that he will fearlessly accept the +consequences of his deeds. We all know of cases where children can +be physically very brave and stand a great deal of pain if they are +made to see the necessity for it--as when they are treated by a +dentist or physician. Children of that type surely can be taught to +be brave, also, about accepting the consequences of misdeeds. With +another type of child the desired result can be obtained by making +him see that he will be happier and that his relations with others +will he pleasanter if he always tells the truth. In some children +the sense of honor can be very easily aroused, and they can be made +to see how truthfulness and reliability help human beings to get +along with each other in their various relations. A great many +temptations for this kind of lie can be entirely avoided if your +child feels from earliest infancy that you always treat him justly. + +Yet a child who is neither afraid of punishment nor inclined to +deceive may often be tempted to lie when his wits are challenged. +There is something about your tone of voice, or in the manner of +asking "Who left the door of the chicken-house open?" that is an +irresistible temptation to make you show how smart you really are. +You think you know, and your manner shows it; but you may be +mistaken, and your cocksureness arouses all the cunning and +combativeness of the child. There is a vague feeling in his mind +that he would like to see you confirm your suspicion without the aid +of an open confession--and the result is a "lie." Indeed, any +approach that arouses antagonisms is almost sure to bring out the +propensity to dissimulate or even to deceive. In such cases the +mother should learn how to approach the child without a challenge, +instead of trying to teach the child not to lie. + +The worst kind of lies are those caused by selfishness or the desire +to gain at the expense of another, or those prompted by malice or +envy, or the passion for vengeance. Although such lies often appear +in the games of children, the games themselves are not to be held +responsible for this. Indeed, the games of the older children, when +played under suitable direction, are likely to be among the best +means for remedying untruthfulness. Yet it may be wise sometimes to +keep a child from his games for a time, not so much to "punish" him +for lying as to give him an opportunity to reflect on the close +connection between truthfulness and good playing. Special +instruction may sometimes be needed as a means to arousing the +conscience. The lies of selfishness are bad because, if continued, +they are likely to make children grasping and unscrupulous. But it +is in most cases wiser to try to make the child more generous and +frank than to fix the attention on the lies. If he can be made to +realize that his happiness is more likely to be assured through +friendly and sincere relations, the temptation to use lies will be +reduced. + +One type of lying that is very irritating and very hard to meet is +that known as prevarication. This consists in telling a part of a +truth, or even a whole truth, in such a way as to convey a false +impression, and is most common at about twelve or thirteen years. +When a child resorts to prevarication he is already old enough to +know the difference between a truthful statement and a false +statement. Indeed, it is when he most keenly realizes this that he +is most likely to prevaricate, for this is but a device by which the +childish mind attempts to achieve an indirect purpose and at the +same time keep his peace with his conscience. It is when he already +has a certain fear of lying, and is not yet thoroughly sincere and +truth-loving, that he will come home from the truant fishing party +and ingeniously tell you that a "friend of Harry's" caught the fish, +instead of saying that he himself did it. His conscience is quite +satisfied with the reflection that he _is_ a friend of Harry's. +In this stage of his career the child is quite capable of +understanding a direct analysis of what is essentially a deception, +and a good heart-to-heart talk that comes to a conclusion is about +the best thing he can get. + +I hope you will not think, from what I have said, that I have been +trying to justify lying, or that I do not consider lying a serious +matter; nor, on the other hand, that you will consider a single +application of the remedies suggested sufficient to make any child +truthful. Thoroughgoing truthfulness comes hard and generally comes +late. But for the majority of children truthfulness is attainable, +although it will not be attained without a struggle. The finer +instincts often enough lead to violations of strict veracity; but +they may be made also to strengthen the feeling of scrupulous regard +for the truth. + +I have tried to show that what we call a lie is _not_ always a +lie; and that some of the very methods we use in training our +children themselves produce lies. The inflicting of severe +punishments is one of the chief of these, and the most common lie is +that which is due to fear of punishment. Lies that arise from bad +habits should be treated by an attempt to remedy the bad habit. Lies +that arise from ignorance should be treated by attention to +necessary knowledge. + +Even more important than the right kind of treatment for +untruthfulness is the necessity for an atmosphere in which the +spirit of truthfulness is all-pervading. Some day watch yourself and +notice how often you tell untruths to your child; how often he hears +you tell so-called "white lies" to your neighbors; how often he +hears you prevaricate and exaggerate. If you will keep track of +these things you will realize that it is a trifle absurd of you to +expect your child to be a strict speaker of the truth. Part of our +campaign against the lies of our children must therefore consist in +our attempt to establish truthful relations among adults, and +between adults and children. + + + + +V. + +BEING AFRAID + + +The heroes of history and the heroes of fiction whom all of us like +to admire are the men and women who know no fear. But most of us +make use of fear as a cheap device for attaining immediate results +with our children. When Johnny hesitates about going upstairs in the +dark to fetch your work-basket, you remind him of Columbus, who +braved the trackless sea and the unknown void in the West, and you +exhort him to be a man; but when Johnny was younger you yourself +warned him that the Bogeyman would get him if be did not go right to +sleep. And it is not very long since the day when he tried to climb +the cherry tree and you attempted to dissuade him with the alarming +prophecy that he would surely fall down and break his neck. + +Thus our training consists of countless contradictions: we set up +noble ideals to arouse courage and self-reliance--when that suits +our immediate purpose; and we frighten with threats and warn of +calamity when the child has the impulse to do what we do not wish to +have him do. This at once suggests the effect of fear upon character +and conduct. We instinctively call upon courage when we want the +child _to do_ something; we call upon fear when we want to +_prevent action_. In other words, bravery stimulates, whereas +fear paralyzes. + +The human race is characterized by an instinct of fear. Very young +infants exhibit all the symptoms of fear long before they can have +any knowledge or experience of the disagreeable and the harmful +effects of the things that frighten them. Thus a sudden noise will +make the child start and tremble and even scream. And all through +life an unexpected and loud noise is likely to startle us. An +investigation has shown that thunder is feared much more than +lightning. Children will laugh at the flashes of lightning, but will +cower before the roaring thunder. + +The feeling of fear is closely associated with what is _unknown_. It +is not noise in general that frightens the children, but an +unexpected noise from an unknown source. Indeed, the children like +noise itself well enough to produce it whenever they can by heating +drums, or barrels, or wash-boilers. The frightful thing about thunder +is that the cause remains a mystery, and it is frightful so long as +the cause _does_ remain a mystery, if the child lives to be a hundred +years old. During a thunder-storm children will picture to themselves +a battle going on above. Some think of the sky cracking or the moon +bursting, or conceive of the firmament as a dome of metal over which +balls are being rolled. + +[Illustration: Neither are girls afraid to climb.] + +The influence of the unknown explains also why that other great +source of fear, namely, darkness, has such a strange hold upon +children. Fear of darkness is very common and often very intense. +There are but few children who do not suffer from it at some time +and to some extent. This fear is frequently suggested by stories of +robbers, ghosts, or other terrors, but even children who have been +carefully guarded sometimes have these violent fears that cannot be +reasoned away. + +In order to discover what it is about the darkness that frightens +children, a large number of women and men were asked to recall their +childish experiences with fear, and from the many instances given +the following may be used to illustrate the various terrors of the +dark. + +One woman described her fears of "an indistinct living something, +black, possibly curly," which she feared would enter the room in the +darkness from somewhere under the bed. Another could see dark +objects with eyes and teeth slowly and noiselessly descending from +the ceiling toward her. One little boy, when he had finally overcome +fear, said to his father that he thought the dark to be "a large +live thing the color of black." A girl of nineteen said she +remembered that on going to bed she used to see little black figures +jumping about between the ceiling and the bed. + +It is well known that the feeling of fear is often very intense +among children; and where it is due to ignorance it is not right to +laugh it away. Doing so affords no explanation. The ridicule may +cause the child to _hide_ his fear, but will not drive the +feeling away. Since the feeling of fear is so closely connected with +the strange and unknown, the only way that it may be directly +overcome is by making the child familiar with the objects that cause +such feelings. + +In the case of young children with whom we cannot reason it is best, +wherever possible, to remove the cause or gradually to make the +child familiar with the darkness, or whatever it is that makes him +unhappy. One very young child became frightened when he was +presented with a Teddy bear. Every time the Teddy bear was produced +he would cry with terror. The mother was perplexed about what to do. +Now, as the Teddy bear is not a necessary part of the child's +surroundings, there is no reason why it cannot be removed altogether +and produced again upon some future occasion, when the child is old +enough to be indifferent to it. Very many children are frightened by +the touch of fur, or even of velvet; but this lasts only a short +time, and they soon learn to like dogs and cats. + +The fear of darkness is different; we cannot eliminate darkness from +the child's experience, and we must patiently try to help the child +to overcome his fear, since he will suffer greatly so long as it +lasts. The help you give him will also constitute one more bond of +sympathy between you and your child, and we cannot have too many +such bonds. + +One mother got her boy used to going into a dark room by placing +some candy on the farther window and sending him for that. Here the +child fixed his attention on the goal and had no time to think of +the terrors of the dark. After making such visits a few times the +boy became quite indifferent to the darkness. + +Another ingenious mother gave her little daughter who was afraid a +tiny, flat, electric spotlight which just fitted into the pocket of +her pajama jacket She took it to bed with her, slipped it under the +pillow, and derived such comfort from it that the whole family was +relieved. The child soon outgrew her timidity. + +A child who from infancy has been accustomed to going to sleep in +the dark and suddenly develops a fear of it ought to be indulged to +the extent of having a light for a few minutes to show him that +there is nothing there to be afraid of. It may take a few evenings +and several disagreeable trips to the child's bedroom, but in the +end he will be victorious and you will have helped him to win the +victory. + +A child that is not in good health is likely to be possessed by his +fears much longer than one who is well. In the latter case there is +a fund of energy to go exploring, and the child thus becomes more +readily acquainted with his surroundings, and as his knowledge grows +his fears vanish. Again, the sickly child has not the energy to +fight his fears, as has the healthy child. Indeed, the high spirits +of the healthy child often lead him to seek the frightful, just for +the exhilaration he gets from the sensation. + +The period of most intense fears is between the ages of five and +seven, and while imaginative children naturally suffer most, they +are also the ones that can call up bright fancies to cheer them. +Robert Louis Stevenson must have had a lovely time in the dark, +seeing circuses and things, as he tells us in his poem which begins: + +All night long and every night +When my mamma puts out the light +I see the circus passing by +As plain as day before my eye, etc. + +Although fear is a human instinct, it is not universal, and once in +a while we find a child who has no instinctive fear. If such a child +is not frightened he may remain quite ignorant of the feeling for +many years. I know a boy who, at the age of five, was unacquainted +with the sensation of fear, and, never having been frightened, also +did not know the meaning of the word "fear." He had heard it used by +other children and knew that it was something unpleasant, but when +one day at dinner he said to his mother, "You know, I think I am +afraid of spinach," meaning that he did not like it, it was evident +that the feeling of fear was quite foreign to him. + +Many parents have a feeling of helplessness in the face of a trait +that is said to be "instinctive," as though there were some fatal +finality in that classification. But, while it is true that fear is +instinctive, it is equally true that it can often be successfully +fought by having recourse to other instinctive traits. Thus the +instinct of curiosity, which is more widespread even than the instinct +of fear, may be used to counteract the latter. Since fear rests so +largely on ignorance, curiosity is its enemy, because it dissipates +ignorance. A little boy who had a certain fear of the figures in the +mirror that were so vivid and yet so unreal used to try to come into a +room in which there was a large mirror, and steal upon the causes of +his curiosity unawares. His double was always there as soon as he, and +caught his eye; but the child lost his fear only after he became +familiar with the characters in the looking-glass. In the same way +curiosity will often compel the child to become gradually so well +acquainted with the source of his fears as to drive the latter quite +out of his experience. + +We must be careful to avoid confusing fear and caution. Fear arises +from ignorance, and is not necessarily related to any real danger. +Caution, on the other hand, is a direct outcome of the knowledge of +danger. Two little boys were watching a young man shooting off +fire-crackers. Whenever a bunch was lit the older boy stepped away, +while the younger one held his ground. Someone taunted the older boy, +saying, "You see, Harry is not afraid, and you are." To which he very +sensibly replied, "I ain't afraid neither, but Harry doesn't know that +he might get hurt, and I do." + +Therefore, while we do not wish our children to be cowards, neither +do we want them to feel reckless. Caution and courage may well go +together in the child's character. Constantly warning the child +against possible danger does not develop caution; it is more likely +to destroy all spontaneous action. Too many mothers are always +saying to their children, "Don't do this, you might hurt yourself," +or "Don't go to the stable, the horse may kick you," and so on. If a +child is properly taught, he will get along with the ordinary +knowledge concerning the behavior of things and animals that might +be injurious, and he will learn to be careful with regard to these +without being constantly admonished and frightened. + +The fear of being considered afraid has its evil side as well as its +good side. While it may often make the child "affect the virtue" +when he has it not, it does, on the other hand, make many a boy and +girl, especially in the early teens, concede to the demands of +prevailing fashions in misconduct, when the conscience and the +knowledge of right and wrong dictate a different course. The taunt +"you dassent" is stronger than the still small voice saying "_thou +must not_." And so Harry plays truant for the first time not so +much because he is tired of school, or because the smell of the +young spring allures him, as because Tommy "dares" him to go +swimming on the risk of getting caught and licked. Harry yields for +fear of being called a "cowardy custard." + +It is important to guard against the moral effect of fear when it is +directed against the judgments of others. By always referring the +child to "what others will think" of him, we are likely to make +moral cowards. A child can be taught to refer to his own conscience +and to his own judgment, and, if he has been wisely trained, his +conscience and judgment will be at least as effective guides in his +relations with human beings as his attempt to avoid misconduct for +fear of what others will think or say. + +The use of fear as a means of discipline is being discarded by all +thoughtful parents and teachers. We have learned that authority +maintained by fear is very short-lived; when a child gets past a +certain age, the obedience based upon fear of authority is almost +certain to turn into defiance. The fear of punishment leads directly +to untruthfulness and deception; parents who rely upon affection and +good-will to assure the right conduct of their children get better +results than those who terrorize them. + +Fear and hatred are closely connected, and in cultivating fear we +are fostering a trait that may in a critical moment turn to hatred. +The only things that we should teach our children to fear are those +we should be willing to have them hate. Let your children learn to +fear and hate all mean and selfish acts, all cunning and deception, +all unfairness and injustice. But even better than teaching them to +hate these vices, teach them to love and admire and to aspire to +realize the positive virtues. + +When we observe the undesirable physical effects of fear, such as +the effect upon the heart and blood-vessels, the effect upon the +nerve currents, etc., we can hardly expect it to have a beneficial +effect upon the mental or moral side of the child's nature. Fear +always cramps and paralyzes; it never broadens or stimulates. All +the progress made by our race has been accomplished by those who +were _not_ afraid: the men and women of broad vision and +independent, fearless action. Every mother has lurking in some +corner of her heart the fond hope that her children will in some way +contribute to the advancement of humanity, to make our life here +better worth living. To contribute in this way, our children must be +without fear. + + + + +VI. + +THE FIRST GREAT LAW + + +When you have had a scene with your disobedient Robert, you are apt +to wonder how Mrs. Jones ever manages to make her children obey so +nicely. If all secrets were made public, you would know that Mrs. +Jones has often wished that she could make her children mind as +nicely as do yours. For we always imagine that making children mind +is the one thing that other mothers succeed in better than we do. + +Why is it that we consider obedience of such great importance in the +bringing up of our children? Is it because obedience itself is a +supreme virtue which we desire to cultivate in our children? Or is +it because we find it convenient to receive obedience from those +with whom we have to deal? + +That obedience is a virtue cannot be denied. But it is a virtue only +under special kinds of human relationship. The obedience required of +a fireman or a sailor is of the same kind as that which we demand of +a child exposed to a danger that he does not see. The work of the +fireman and of the sailor is such that these people must be +constantly prepared to obey instantly the orders given by those in +authority over them. The life of the child, however, is such as to +make his work or his safety depend upon his obedience only under +exceptional circumstances. To justify our demand for _habitual_ +obedience, we must find better reasons than the stock argument so +often given, namely, that in certain emergencies the instant +response to a command may result in saving the child from injury or +even from death. + +The need for obedience lies closer to hand than an occasional +emergency which may never arise. In all human relationships there +come occasions for the exercise of authority. There is no doubt that +in the relations between parents and child the parent--or elder +person--should be the one in authority, on account of his greater +experience and maturer judgment, quite apart from any question of +sentiment or tradition. But if you wish to exercise authority, you +must make sure to deserve it. Laws and customs give parents certain +authority over their children, but well we know that too few of them +are able to make wise use of this authority. + +Not only from the side of our own convenience, but also from the +side of the child's real needs, we must give the young spirit +training in obedience. The child that does not get the constant +support of a reliable and firm guide misses this support; the child +is happier when he is aware of having near-by an unfailing +counsellor, one who will decide aright what he is to do and what he +is not to do. But when I say that the obedient child is happier than +the disobedient one, I do not mean merely that the latter gets into +mischief more frequently, or that the former receives more marks of +affection from the parents. There is involved something more +important than rewards and punishments. The young child would really +rather obey than be left to his own decisions. When he has no one to +tell him what to do, or to warn him against what he must not do, the +child feels his helplessness. And there is valuable tonic for the +child's body as well as for his will in the comfortable +consciousness of a superior authority upon which he can safely lean. + +As the child becomes older he begins to assert his own desires in a +more positive fashion, and at about two and a half to three years +the problem of obedience takes on a new aspect. For now the child +has had experience enough to enable him to have his own purposes, +and these often come in conflict with the wishes of the mother. +Should obedience be now demanded? And should it be insisted upon? +There is more involved in this problem than the convenience of +administering the household, or the immediate safety and well-being +of the child. There is involved the whole question of the child's +future attitude toward life. Shall the child become one who +habitually obeys the commands of others, without questioning, +without resisting, and so perhaps become a pliant tool in the hands +of powerful but unscrupulous men? Or shall he be allowed to go his +own way and over-ride the wishes of others, to become, perhaps, a +wilful victim of his own whims and moods, presenting a stubborn +resistance to overwhelming forces that will in the end crush him? + +In the case of the very young child absolute obedience must be +required, for the reason that the child is not in a position to +assume the responsibility for his conduct. The will of the mother +must be followed for the child's own safety and health, for the +child has no intelligence or experience,--that is, judgment,--or +purpose to guide him. He has only blind impulses that may often be +harmless but are never reliable. So the first need is for training +in regularity, and this is possible only under the guidance of the +mother or nurse, who _knows_ what is to be done, or not done, +and whose authority must be absolute. So the child must first of all +learn to obey. Later he must learn what and whom to obey. + +Recognizing, then, in full the value of obedience, we must be +careful not to exaggerate it and consider it a cardinal virtue. +Obedience is far from being a fundamental virtue. On the contrary, +once established as a ruling principle in the household or anywhere +else, it is easily carried far enough to become a source of positive +harm. To obey means to act in accordance with another's wishes. To +act in this manner does not call upon the exercise of judgment or +responsibility, and too many grow up without acquiring the habit of +using judgment and without acquiring a sense of responsibility. They +are only too willing to leave choice and decision to others. +Decision of character and habitual obedience do not go well +together. Moreover, it is now coming to be more fully recognized +that the progress of society depends not upon closer obedience to +the few natural leaders, but upon the exercise of discretion and +judgment on the part of an ever larger number of those who are not +leaders. + +There may be a still greater danger in requiring so-called implicit +obedience of every child. We have learned from modern studies of the +human mind that _doing_ is the outcome of _thinking_ and +_feeling_. When we constantly force children to do things that +have no direct connection with their thoughts and feelings, or when +we prevent actions which follow naturally from their thoughts and +feelings, we are interfering with the orderly working of the child's +mind. We force children to act in ways unrelated to their thoughts +and feelings, and as a result we have many men and women of fine +sentiment and lofty thought who never let their ideas and sentiments +find expression in effective action. In other words, the effect upon +the mind of "thoughtless minding" is not a healthy one. + +A large amount of disobedience arises from the fact that the child's +attention and interest are so different from an adult's. The little +girl who is said to have given her name as "Mary Don't" illustrates +this. Mary does a great many things in the course of a day, impelled +by curiosity and the instinct to handle things. Most of her +activities are harmless; but when she touches something that you +care about, you command her to let it alone. This is quite proper. +Very often, however, she is told to stop doing things that are quite +indifferent, and that satisfy her natural craving for activity +without being in the least harmful. Being interfered with +constantly, she soon comes to consider all orders arbitrary and-- +disobedience results. + +The other side of the problem is seen when a child is told to do +something when he is preoccupied with his own affairs. You may tell +him a second time; very likely you raise your voice. The third time +you fairly shout. This is undignified and it is also unnecessary. +For Bobby has _heard_ the order from the first; but he has not +_attended_ to your wishes. In such cases there is no primary +disobedience; but a frequent repetition of such incidents can easily +lead Bobby to become quite indifferent to your orders; then +disobedience is habitual. The child that has acquired the habit of +ignoring the mother's wishes will not suddenly begin to obey orders +when the emergency comes. + +From these two cases we may see that it is important to get first +the child's habit of attending to what is said to him--by making +everything that is said to him _count_. In the second place, +the child must be taught to feel that what he is directed to do is +the best thing to do. + +For getting the child to obey we must keep constantly in mind the +idea that we are working for certain habits. Now, a habit is +acquired only through constant repetition of a given act or a given +kind of behavior. The first rule for the parent should therefore be +to be absolutely consistent in demanding obedience from the child. +If you call to the children in the nursery to stop their racket +(because father is taking a nap) and fail to insist upon the +quietness because father just whispers to you that he is not +sleeping, you have given the children practice in _disobedience_. If +they are to be allowed to go on with the noise, this should be because +you openly permit them to go on with their noisy fun, and not because +they may heedlessly disregard your wishes. Direct disobedience is not +to be overlooked under any circumstances. It is true that parents +often give orders that had better not be carried out; but the remedy +is not in allowing the children to disobey, but in thinking twice or +thrice before giving a command, or in agreeing with them upon a course +of action without giving commands at all. By giving no orders that are +unnecessary or that are arbitrary, the child will come in time to feel +that your interferences with his own impulses are intended for his own +good. + +[Illustration: Only a good reason can warrant calling an absorbed +child from his occupation.] + +We frequently tell the children that we want them to obey "for their +own good." If this were true, we should have little difficulty in +obtaining obedience, for most children instinctively follow orders and +suggestions. It is only when we abuse this instinct by too _frequent_ +and _capricious_ and _thoughtless_ commands for our own convenience +that the children come to revolt at our orders. + +There are great differences among children in the readiness with +which they adopt suggestions or follow orders. Some children are +easily dissuaded from a line of action in which they are engaged. +Their attention is not very closely filed, and they are easily +distracted, and may be sent from one thing to another without +resenting the interruptions. Such children quickly learn to obey, +and some seldom offer resistance to suggestion; but they deserve no +special praise or credit for their perfect obedience, neither do +their parents deserve special credit for having "trained" such +children. On the other hand, there are children who set their hearts +very firmly upon the objects of their desire, and who cannot easily +stop in the middle of a game or in the middle of a sentence just to +put some wood in the stove. Such children will appear to be +"disobedient," although they are just as affectionate and as loyal +and as dutiful as the others. When you see a child that is a model +of obedience, you cannot conclude that he has been well trained; nor +is frequent disobedience an indication of neglect on the part of the +parents. But the majority of children will fall in the class of +those whose obedience or disobedience is a matter of habit resulting +from the firmness and consistency and considerateness of the +parents. + +Unless a child has become altogether submissive, he will not obey +all orders with equal readiness. Alice, who is not very active, does +not display any great virtue if she sits still when you tell her to. +On the other hand, sitting still means to Harry a supreme effort as +well as a great sacrifice; to demand this of him we should have a +very good reason. I know children who are models of obedience in +most matters, but who scream with protest and resentment when it +comes to taking medicine or even to being examined by a physician. +On the other hand, a little boy I know, to whom obedience in general +comes very hard, has such respect for the wisdom of physicians and +for the helpfulness of medicines that he will undergo a thorough +examination and will swallow the bitterest of drugs without even +making a wry face. + +If you will look about among your acquaintances, I think you will +find that those who get really intelligent obedience from their +children are the ones who make the least ado about it, and perhaps +never use the time-worn phrase, "Now you _must_ mind me." It is +the weak person who is constantly forced to make appeals to his +authority. It is the weak person who is constantly threatening the +child with terrible retributions for his disobedience. Yet none are +quicker to detect the weakness, none know better that the threats +will not be carried out, than those very children whose obedience we +desire thus to obtain. + +Many of us get into the habit of placing too many of our wishes in +the form of commands or orders to do or not to do, instead of +requesting as we would of an equal. Wherever possible we should +suggest to the child a line of conduct, so as to make the child feel +that he is making a choice. You may say to Johnnie, "Go and get me a +pail of water." Or you may say, "Johnnie, please get me a pail of +water." Or you may say, "Johnnie, mother needs a pail of water." You +will perhaps get just as good service in one case as in another; but +the ultimate effect on Johnnie may make the difference between a man +who finds work a necessary evil and one who finds work a means of +service. + +From men who have been successful in managing industries and from +women who have managed large households with the least amount of +friction we can learn that there is a way of obtaining obedience +without imposing upon the minds of those under our authority. Whenever +you wish to depart from the usual routine, there is a good reason for +the change, and in most cases the reason can be stated with the +request. When this is done the order loses the appearance of +arbitrariness. If you say to Mary, "I wish you would go out without me +this afternoon, as I have some important sewing to finish," you will +most likely meet with ready acquiescence. If, however, you say, "You +must go alone this afternoon, I can't go with you," and if when Mary +dares ask "Why?" you say, "Because I tell you to," you will certainly +sow the seeds of rebellion. No self-respecting child will accept such +a reason. If at least you make an appeal to your superior judgment, +and say, "Mother knows best," there would be something gained. For now +you are shifting the basis of the child's conduct from your position +of power over her to the highest authority within our reach, namely, +good judgment. The child is thus learning to obey not a _person_, but +a _principle_. + +Expressing your wishes in the form of a request, modified wherever +possible by a reason, does not mean that you are to give the child a +reason for everything he is asked to do; for if the child has +respect for you and feels your sympathy with him, he will do many +things that are requested without understanding any reason, but +confident, when he does think of the matter, that you have a good +reason. In other words, where there have been close sympathy and +habitual obedience the parent becomes, in the child's mind, the +embodiment of those ideals or principles toward which he feels +loyal. + +In the same way men and women who give arbitrary commands may get +from their assistants formal obedience, but they never get hearty +and intelligent cooperation. Indeed, it is no doubt because we still +cling to the traditions of earlier times, when personal loyalty and +military types of virtue were so prominent in the minds of men, that +we are so slow to learn the need for cooperation in modern times. +The need to-day is for leaders who will inspire their fellows with +enthusiasm for cooperation, who will wisely guide their fellows in +effective service; and of the corresponding virtues in the followers +obedience is _not_ the first. + +And yet we must recognize all the time that there are occasions when +a person must do what he is told to just because he is told; and it +were well for one who has to take orders to be able to do so without +fret and bitterness. The child should, however, come sooner or later +to distinguish between those commands that arise out of real +necessities and those that arise from the passion or caprice of +other persons. To the former he must learn to submit with the best +possible grace, with an effort at understanding, or even with a +desire to assimilate to himself. To the latter he should submit, +when forced to, only under protest, and with the resolve to make +himself free. + +That confidence is a strong factor in obtaining obedience is well +illustrated by many boys in every village and town. These boys are +notoriously disobedient at home and at school, but on the baseball +field they will follow the orders of the captain without question. +They feet that his commands are not arbitrary or thoughtless, that +they are not petty and personal, but really for the greatest +advantage to those concerned. If we can inspire in our children such +confidence in our motives, we shall have little worry about the +problem of obedience. + +In the training of the child we often forget that the child will +some time outgrow his childishness. We must consider not only what +is the best kind of behavior for a _child_, but what kinds of +habits it is best for a child to develop in view of his some day +becoming an adult human being. We want men and women to develop into +free agents, that is, people who act in accordance with the dictates +of their own conscience and their best judgment. With this aim in +view, how much emphasis should then be placed on the matter of +obedience? + +Since the infant has no will, he must be guided by others for his +own safety and for the development of his judgment. But we do not +wish him to retain his habits of obedience to others long enough to +deprive him of his independence of thought and action. The growing +child must learn to repress his own many and conflicting impulses, +and to select those that he learns to be best. But if he obeys +always, he cannot acquire judgment and responsibility. He learns +through obedience to value various kinds of authority, and +eventually to choose his authorities; his final authority being his +conscience or principle, not impulse or whim. He learns also by +questioning the principle of obedience to persons, and comes to +guide his conduct by principle or conscience, and not by custom or +convention. + +We do not wish to train our children for submission, but for judgment +and discernment. We must, therefore, respect the child's +individuality. We are, however, not obliged to choose between blind, +unquestioning obedience and the undignified situations which arise +from habitual disobedience. Obedience to persons as a settled habit +is bad. The ability to obey promptly and intelligently when the +commander's authority is recognized,--to respond to suggestion and +guidance,--is desirable. Obedience is a _tool_ the parent may use +with wisdom and discretion. It is not an _end_ in discipline or in +life. + +We should educate _through_ obedience,--that is, cultivate the +habit of intelligent response,--but we must not educate _for_ +obedience,--that is, the habit of submitting to the will of others. + + + + +VII. + +THE TRAINING OF THE WILL + + +After all, what is there about a person that really counts? All +experience and all philosophy agree that it is the character; and +the central fact in character is the _will_. Yet the will is +not something in the soul that exists by itself, as a "faculty" of +the mind. The will is a product of all the other processes that go +on in the mind, and can not be trained by itself. Neither can the +will of the child be expected to come to its own through neglect. +Indeed, although the will can not be trained by itself, its training +is even more important than the training of the intellect. The great +defect in our moral training has been that we have generally +attempted to train our children too exclusively through precepts and +mottoes and rules, and too little through activities that lead to +the formation of habits. The will depends upon the intellect, but it +cannot be trained through _learning_ alone, though learning can +be made to help. There are, as we all know, only too many learned +men and women with weak wills, and there are many men and women of +strong character who have had but little book learning. The will +expresses itself through action, and must be trained through action. +But action is impelled by feelings, so the will must be trained also +through the feelings. All right education is education of the will. +The will is formed while the child is learning to think, to feel, +and to do. + +We judge of character by the behavior. But our behavior is not made +up entirely of acts of the will. Hundreds of situations occur that +do not require individual decision, but are adequately met by acts +arising from habit, or even from instinct. The experience of the +race has given us many customs and manners which are for the most +part satisfactory, and which the child should learn as a matter of +course. It is thus important that the child should acquire certain +habits as early in life as possible. These habits will not only +result in saving of energy, but will also give assurance that in +certain situations the child will act in the right way. If it is +worth while to have a person knock on a door before entering an +occupied room, or if it is worth while to have people look to the +left and to the right before crossing a thoroughfare, the child can +acquire the habit of doing these things always and everywhere +without stopping to make a decision on each occasion. + +But we must remember that in guiding the child to the formation of +these habits, example and practice are far more important than +precepts and rules. Example is more important because the child is +very imitative; one rude act on the part of some older member of the +household will counteract the benefit of many verbal lessons in +politeness. Practice is important because it is through constant +repetition of an act that it at last becomes automatic, and is +performed without thought or attention. In fact, this is the only +way in which a habit can be formed. Having acquired habits about the +common relations of life that do not call for new adjustment every +time they are met, the mind is left free to apply itself to problems +that really need special consideration. Imagine how wasteful it +would be if we had to attend to every movement in dressing +ourselves! You can easily see that there are a great many acts that +bring us in relation to others and that should be as mechanical and +automatic as dressing and undressing. + +It is when we pass from the routine acts which are repeated every +day that we come to the field in which the will holds sway. There is +nothing more helpful in the training of the will than the frequent +performance of tasks requiring application, self control, and the +making of decisions. The routine of fixed duties in a large and +complex household furnished to our grandparents, during their youth, +just the opportunity for the formation of habits in attending to +what needed to be done, without regard to the momentary impulse or +mood. Many of our modern homes are so devoid of such opportunities +that there is great danger that our children will have altogether +too much practice in following their whims and caprices--or in doing +nothing. + +It is just because the modern home is so devoid of the opportunities +for carrying on these character-building activities that provision +must be made in that other great educational institution, the +school. All the newer activities of the school, the shop work and +the school garden, the domestic science and the sewing, the +recreation centres, the art and the music--all these so-called "fads +and frills" against which the taxpayer raises his voice in protest-- +these prove to be even more important in the making of men and women +out of children than the respectable and acceptable subjects of the +old-fashioned school; for these activities are but organized and +planned substitutes for the incidental doings of the childhood of +other days. They are the formal substitutes for the activities by +means of which a past generation of men and women acquired that +will-training and that insight into relations which distinguished +their characters. + +[Illustration: Habits of careful work furnish a good foundation for +the will.] + +All systematic and sustained effort, whether in organizing a game or +carrying a garden through from the sowing to the harvest, whether in +making a dress or a chest of drawers, has its moral value as +training in application, self-control, and decision, quite distinct +from its contribution to knowledge or skill. + +Two or three generations ago no thought whatever was given to the +child's point of view; the authority of parents was absolute, and +there were many unhappy childhoods. To-day we wish to avoid these +errors, and by studying the child we hope to adjust our treatment to +his nature and his needs. + +But we must be on our guard against the danger of going to the +extreme of attributing to the child ideas and instincts which he +does not possess. In former times it was considered one of the +mother's chief duties to "break the child's will"; to-day, realizing +the importance of a strong will, we are in danger of assuming that a +child's stubbornness or wilfulness is a manifestation of a strong +will, and we hesitate to interfere with it. + +This is an entirely false assumption. In the first place, a child up +to the age of about three years has no will; he can only have strong +desires or impulses, or pet aversions. During this period the +mother's will must be his will, and there can be no clash of wills. +But, to be his will, the mother must guide the child in accordance +with _his_ needs, _his_ instincts,--that is, in accordance +with his nature, and not in accordance with her convenience or +caprice. She must bear constantly in mind that the child is not +merely a miniature man or woman, but that each stage in his +development represents a distinct combination of instincts, impulses +and capacities. If, for example, your little girl is digging in the +dirt--a very _natural_ and healthful activity--and you stop her +for no better reason than that she will soil her hands or clothes, +you are unduly interfering with her, and if you continue in that +way, you will either make a defiant, disagreeable youngster or a +servile, cringing slave to arbitrary authority. On the other hand, +if Johnny should wish to play with a knife or a box of matches, it +manifestly devolves upon you to take these objects away from him, no +matter how strong his desire to have them may be. But it also +devolves upon you to see that such harmful objects are not very easy +for him to obtain and to see to it that plenty of other harmless +things are provided for him. + +This suggests a common mistake parents and loving friends often make +in meeting the uncomfortable assertions of the child's will. When +the child cries for the moon, you try to get him interested in a +jack-in-the-box; and when he wants a fragile piece of bric-a-brac-- +you try to substitute for it a tin whistle. With a very young child, +that is about all you can do. But a time comes when the child is old +enough to know the difference between that upon which he has set his +heart and that which you have substituted for it in his hand. At +this time you must stop offering substitutes. The child is now old +enough to understand that some things are _not_ to be had, and +that crying for them will not bring them. To offer him a substitute +is now not only an insult to his intelligence, but it is +demoralizing to his will; it makes for a loose hold upon the object +of his desire--and it is the firmness of this hold that is the +beginning of a strong will. It does not take the child long to learn +that he is not to have a knife or a lighted lamp; nor does it take +him long to get into the way of scattering his desires, so that he +has no will at all. + +In the second place, the assumption that stubbornness is a sign of +strength is false, even for older children. Stubbornness is, in +fact, a sign of weakness. It indicates that the child is either +incapable of adjusting himself to the appeal that is made to his +judgment or feelings, or that his weakness will make it impossible +for him in the presence of his immediate desire to recognize the +superior judgment and authority of his elders, at home or in school. +It takes much more will power to give in than to carry one's point. +But we must always make sure that _we_ are not the obstinate +and wilful ones. If you have a very good reason for not wanting +Helen to go to the dance--even if she is too young to understand +that reason--you are perfectly justified in carrying your point. If +your reason is a wise one, she will come to see it in time and will +honor and respect you all the more for not having given in to her +impetuous and immature desire. If she gives in gracefully, because +she can understand the reasons, or just out of respect for your +wishes, having found your guidance wise before, hers as well as +yours is the triumph. The only thing of which we must make sure is +that we are right to the best of our understanding, and that we do +not insist upon having our way just because,--oh, well, just because +we have a right to have our way, being in authority. As G. Stanley +Hall, the father of child study in this country, has so well said: +"Our will should be a rock, not a wave; our requirements should be +uniform, with no whim, no mood or periodicity about them." Having +made sure of ourselves, we need not fear that training our wilful +children will weaken their will. + +We must not neglect to consider the very close relation that exists +between the health of the body and the health of the spirit. A +strong will, showing itself in ability to concentrate its efforts on +a chosen purpose, is not to be expected in a child whose muscles are +flabby and whose nerves quickly tire. Since the will expresses +itself in action, it can be best cultivated in a body capable of +vigorous action. + +The young child is not only a bundle of bones and muscles; it is +also a bundle of impulses. And some of these impulses lead to +actions that are quite desirable, while others lead to actions that +are indifferent, and still others to actions that are decidedly +undesirable. But, so far as the child is concerned, he has no means +of discriminating between one kind of impulse and another. He would +just as soon carry poison to his mouth as good food; he would rather +grasp at a flame than at a harmless rattle. One of the essentials +then becomes suitable knowledge. As the child grows older he should +gradually learn that knowledge is necessary to wise choice. It is +not so much the knowledge of what is commonly called "good" or +"evil" as the knowledge of relations and needs that will enable him +to choose ends, and to choose effective means toward those ends. Yet +we cannot begin too early to have such considerations as "It is +right," or "It is best," rather than "I want it," influence the +conduct of our children. But, in order to do the right, we have to +_know_ the right, and the children who get these moral lessons +in their homes are fortunate indeed. It is here the child should +acquire his feeling of loyalty to duty, for such lessons learned in +the home are the most impressive and the most enduring. We must also +make certain that children all through their lives at home are given +opportunity for choice and decision. + +In this matter of making decisions there is a great deal of +individual variation, and even distinct types of persons have been +described, according to the way they reach decisions. At one extreme +is the child--or the grown person--who apparently without any effort +balances the reasons that may be given on the opposite sides of a +problem, and makes his choice solely on the strength of the reasoned +argument. Herbert Spencer tells in his Autobiography how, when a +young man, he wrote down, as in a ledger, all the advantages and all +the disadvantages he could think of in regard to the married state. +After checking off the items on the two sides of the account, he +found a balance in favor of remaining single. Later in life he had +his doubts as to whether the decision was a wise one, but it was the +best he could make under the circumstances, for he made use of all +the knowledge at his command and stood by his reasoned decision. + +At the opposite extreme is the person who resolves to do what is +right (although he may have no systematic means of discovering what +is right), and carries out his resolution at the cost of frequently +painful effort. To such persons there is a kind of association +between what is easy and what is wrong on the one hand, and between +what is difficult and what is right on the other. Our early Puritans +were men of this type, and there is much to admire in the sturdiness +with which they crushed their impulses in the resolve to carry out +their ideals of the right. + +Almost complete lack of will is shown by those who reach their +decisions--by not reaching them. That is, there are those doubting, +hesitating souls who postpone making a decision until action is +forced upon them by some accidental event. These let other persons +or the course of events make their decisions for them. There is such +a delicate balancing of the desires--usually because all desires are +equally weak--that none stands out to dominate the choice of a line +of action. George wanted to go to the circus, and had saved enough +from his weekly allowance; but he was saving up to buy a rifle, and +he was undecided now as to whether he would go to the circus or add +to his savings and get the rifle so much the sooner. The sight of +some other boys on the way to the circus made the decision for him. +This decision was not a reasoned one, but an accidental one. + +Similar in its weakness is the will that reaches no decisions except +as the balance is upset by later impulses from within. The girl or +boy who allows a slight headache or a tired feeling to make +important decisions cannot be said to have much strength of +character. On Saturday Mabel was to have gone on a steamboat +excursion--or on a visit to a friend, to stay over night. When she +went to sleep Friday night she had not yet made up her mind; but she +finally went to visit her friend because she had over-slept and was +too late to join the excursion party. + +Children that have not acquired habits of making definite decisions +will find themselves badly adrift when they reach the adolescent +period, with its rapid changes of mood and the masses of frequently +conflicting impulses. To be able to restrain each impulse to action +as it arises, and to hold it in abeyance until all the alternatives +have been canvassed, is a power that comes only after years of +thought and practice. + +However, it is not enough to be able to refrain from doing what one +is impelled to do. Many mothers think that they are training the +child's will when they prohibit the taking or handling of various +things about the house. It is true that the child should learn when +quite young to avoid certain objects. But if the prohibitions are +too general the child will be frequently tempted to break the rules, +and then he will fall in his own esteem; or he will observe the rule +and have too little outlet for his activity and initiative. The will +does not thrive on what the child is _prevented_ from doing, +but on what the child _actually does do_. + +The child's need is for practice in doing and in choosing what he +will do. When activities or games are suggested to a younger child, +it is best to give him a choice of two or three. When the children +are older they can be consulted about the purchase of their clothes, +and they ought gradually to assume their share--a small one at +first--of the responsibility of the household. As early as possible +they should have their own money to spend, as in no other way can +they learn the use of judgment and decision in the spending of +money. In the households wherein children do not have such +opportunities, but in which the parents rule everything with a high +hand, the children grow up very inefficient in managing their time +and their money; they have become accustomed to being ruled and +flounder helplessly when called upon to decide for themselves. + +The will, which is at the heart of moral conduct and which is so +much in need of training, cannot, as we have seen, be trained as a +thing by itself. All training and all education must contribute to +the training of the will. Still, there are some definite points that +we can profitably keep in mind when we are concerned with the +child's will: + +First of all comes sound bodily health. + +Then there must be sound habits for most of the everyday activities, +that the will may not be dissipated upon trivial matters, and that +the common duties and virtues may be assured. + +There must be constant practice in sustained effort and +concentration upon useful tasks, in order to fix the habit of +holding the attention upon the chosen purpose. + +We must not confuse wilfulness with strength of will; and, finally, + +There must be constant opportunity for making decisions that the +child may feel responsibility in making of decisions as the highest +type of conduct. + + + + +VIII. + +HOW CHILDREN REASON + + +"Those children will not listen to reason," said a friend whom I +discovered in an agitated state of mind one afternoon, when I came +to make a call; and she was by no means the first to make this +observation. Indeed, it is one of the characteristics of children +that they will not listen to reason,--that is, _our_ reason. +Which is not, however, saying anything against the children's good +sense, for people with much more experience have refused to listen +to reason--the children's reason. + +Margaret told me her troubles. Her sister had rented a farm near the +city for the summer and had offered to let Walter spend his vacation +with her in exchange for such bits of help as he was able to render. +But Walter had made up his mind to go to work in an office that +summer, and, although he loved the country and had always wanted to +drive a horse and go fishing, his mother's attempts to convince him +of the wisdom of her choice were without avail. He would not listen +to her reasons. She pointed to the health argument, to the +opportunities for play, the free time, the driving, the fishing, and +the fruit without limit. Knowing Walter as I did, I could not +understand why it was so hard to convince him. + +But every story has at least two sides to it, and of this story I +had heard only one. The mother was so concerned with giving her son +her good reasons for going to the country that she never even +thought of finding out his equally good reasons for going to the +office. Presently, however, Walter came in, and my first leading +question brought out the true secret of the disagreement. + +"What is there about working in an office," I asked the boy, "that +you care so much about?" + +"Oh, it isn't working in an office that I care about; I just want to +earn some money. I never did make any money myself, and now I have a +good chance and mother won't let me." + +This was really too simple; here two sane persons had spent several +days on the problem without coming to any solution. By placing +Walter's services on the farm on a financial basis and making him +pay for his board he managed to spend his vacation, healthfully and +happily and profitably in every sense; and everybody was satisfied. + +Over and over again we are impressed with the fact that most +disagreements between people--whether between adults or between +children, or between children and adults--are due to misunderstandings. +As soon as parents resolve not to treat their children arbitrarily,-- +that is, on the basis of their superior strength and authority,--they +adopt a plan of "reasoning" with them. This plan might work very well, +if the parents only understood the children's way of reasoning, if +they but realized that the child does not reason as do adults, that he +reasons differently in each stage of his development. + +Our manner of reasoning depends very closely upon our language. But +every significant word that we use has a distinct meaning in the +mind of the individual, depending altogether upon his experience. As +the experience of the child is very meagre, compared to that of the +grown-up person, it is no wonder that our everyday remarks are +constant sources of misunderstanding to children. + +The little girl who had been frequently reproved for not using her +_right_ hand came to have a positive dislike for her other +hand, which she naturally understood to be _wrong_ hand, and +she did not wish to have anything wrong about her person. A boy was +trying to tell his sister the meaning of "homesick." "You know how +it feels to be seasick, don't you? Well, it's the same way, only +it's at home." + +Children are apt to attach to a word the first meaning that they +learn in connection with it. Only with the increase of experience +can a word come to have more than one meaning. Moreover, the child +will apply what he hears with fatal exactness and literalness. + +Two little girls were at a party and the older one found occasion to +slap her sister's hand. The hostess reproved her for this, whereupon +the little girl asked, "Isn't she my own sister?" The hostess had to +admit that she was. "Well, I heard papa say that he can do what he +likes with his own." + +Doing what we like with our own meant to the child exactly what the +words said, without those qualifications which we naturally put in +because of our greater experience. + +Children learn with wonder that mother was once a baby, and that +father was once a baby, and so on. Dr. Sully tells of the little +girl who asked her mother, "When everybody was a baby, then who +could be the nurse if they were all babies?" Thus shows real +reasoning power; it was not the child's fault that she had no +historical perspective, and so could not see the babyhoods of +different people in their proper relations in time. + +A little boy who was beginning to read deciphered a sign in a +grocery store, "Families supplied." He asked his mother whether they +could not get a new baby there. + +When Herbert was passing through the scissors stage he cut a hole in +his father's coat. The father scolded him for spoiling his suit; +Herbert calmly replied, "I did not cut your suit; I only cut the +coat." He resented this accusation, which in his mind was not merely +an exaggeration, but entirely false, since a suit is a suit and a +coat is a coat. + +A little girl, while out with her nurse and brother, got lost by +separating herself from the nurse's side. When she was at last found +she was reprimanded for running away from the nurse. She felt that +she was being unjustly treated, for she said, "I did not run away; I +only _stood_ away," meaning, she had stepped around the corner +to look in a window. If she had been scolded for getting out of +sight of the nurse, she would have felt justly reproved; but, +accused of doing something she never did and never thought of +doing,--that is, running away,--she naturally resented this. + +Those who have to deal with children in an intimate way cannot be +too scrupulous about how they use their words. + +The logic of children often appears to us all wrong until we take +the trouble to see how they come to their queer conclusions. + +The story is told of a boy who was sent to the circus in the +neighboring town by his uncle, who gave him an additional quarter +"so you can ride back in case it rains." Well, it did rain, and +Howard came back riding on the top seat, next to the driver, wet to +the skin. Now, any grown-up person knows why he was to ride back "in +case it rains"; but to Howard the association of ideas was directly +between raining and riding, and not between riding and coming home +dry. + +This illustrates a very common difference between the reasoning of +children and that of adults. We _select_ ideas from a situation +and combine them and come to conclusions. The child combines ideas, +but he does not make any selection, and the simple explanation for +this lies in the fact that the child has not enough experience to +enable him to select what is significant. Thus a little girl, who +had been too boisterous in her play, was called in by her mother and +made to sit quietly in a chair for about ten minutes. At the end of +this time her mother asked her whether she would "be good now." The +child promised that she would, and was told that she might then go +out to play again. As she arose she affectionately turned to the +chair and said, "Thank you, dear chair, for making me so good." +Having been declared "good" after sitting in the chair, she +attributed the beneficent change in her behavior to the chair; and, +being a polite little girl, she thanked the chair. + +Very often these simple types of reasoning have their humorous +aspects and we do not take them seriously. One winter a little boy +who had always gone to bed regularly (he was four and a half years +old then) began to call for some one to come to him after he was +supposed to be asleep. He wanted to sit up and play, he wanted to +get dressed, and he wanted something more to eat. This continued for +several evenings, and it seemed impossible to get him back into his +good habits. At last he was asked, "_Why_ do you want to get up +now?" and he answered at once, "Because it is winter now." + +"Yes, it is winter now, but it is time for you to be asleep," he was +told. + +"But it says in the book that I must get up," he insisted. + +"Which book?" + +"I will show you," and he took from his shelf a copy of Stevenson's +"Garden of Verses," and turned to the picture opposite the poem that +begins: + +In winter I get up at night +And dress by yellow candle light. + +To him this meant that in winter, after going to bed, _at +night_, one must get up and dress. It is very likely many +children who have had this delightful poem read to them have +interpreted it in the same way, but probably very few parents have +taken the pains to trace their children's unaccountable +"misbehavior" at bedtime to such a source. + +This same poem produced in another child quite a different train of +reasoning, for "Why did the little girl get up at night and sleep in +the daytime?" he asked, "Was she a trained nurse?" It then became +necessary to recall that an aunt of the child's, who _was_ a +trained nurse, often slept at home during the day, after having +worked with some patient at night. + +There is no doubt that many of the crotchets and "perversities" of a +child have their origin in chains of reasoning that are perfectly +legitimate, in view of the past experiences of the young mind, +although not in harmony with the reasoning of more mature minds. The +parent spends much time and energy, and much heartburning, +sometimes, to overcome these whims. What is needed is a patient and +sympathetic attempt to discover how the child has come to his queer +ideas and desires. + +The annoyance that children cause us with their questionings is due +very largely to the fact that we cannot answer their questions, +since the reasoning that prompts them is too searching. A little boy +shocked and vexed his grandmother, who was trying to teach him the +elements of theology, by asking "Who made God?" It is very likely +that every normal child has asked the same question in one form or +another. This attempt to reach back to the very beginning of causes +resembles in many ways the speculations of the mediaeval +metaphysicians, and should certainly not be discouraged. We need +not, on the other hand, make the effort to answer every question a +child may ask, for at a certain stage in his development he will get +the habit of asking questions without really caring for the answers. +But the questions are worth hearing, in most cases, just to help us +understand how the child _does_ reason. Some of the questions +indicate a great deal of reasoning of a very valuable kind. When the +little boy asks, "Why don't I see two things with my two eyes?" or +when the little girl looks up from her dolls and asks, "Am I real, +or just pretend, like my doll?" they show that they have been +thinking. When a child has passed through the metaphysical stage of +reasoning, he will be more interested in animals and other objects +of Nature; and his questions will have to do more with the operation +of processes--how he grows, and how fishes breathe in the water, and +how birds fly. Later, he wants to know how things work, what makes +the locomotive go, how the noise goes through the telephone, how the +incubator makes chickens come out of eggs. The reasoning of the +child may lead to weird conclusions, but it is real reasoning, and +can be improved not by being ridiculed, nor by being suppressed, but +by being sympathetically understood and encouraged. + +Perhaps the most serious phase of the peculiarities of children's +reasoning appears with older children when it comes to reasoning +about right and wrong conduct. Professor Swift, of Washington +University, has made a careful study of this subject, from replies +given by many men to questions about their ideas as boys. It seems +that men who are irreproachable in their moral standards pass +through a stage in which they consider it legitimate fun to rob +orchards or to commit petty thefts. + +Children draw fine distinctions between _wrong_ acts and acts +that are _not very wrong_, though they may not be _quite +right_. One man says, "I distinguished between _taking money_, +_real stealing_, and _taking fruit_." Another says of fruit +taking, "I only partly regarded it as stealing." One man writes, +"When a close-fisted employer refused to let me have my clothes at +cost, I pocketed enough of his change to bring my clothes down to +the cost mark." Few regarded taking money from their parents as +"very bad," and distinguished between such stealing and taking money +from strangers. + +A boy of fifteen was reproved for holding his ear to the keyhole of +a room in which his mother and sisters were having an animated +discussion. The appellation "eavesdropper" did not disconcert him in +the least. On the contrary, he undertook to justify his conduct on +the ground that he was being discussed, and as he had no +"dictagraph" he was obliged to do the listening in person. The fact +that the dictagraph had been so frequently used for getting +information that was later used in court was to him a sufficient +justification of his conduct. + +It is well known that all children pass through the stage +illustrated by these cases, in which they have the savage's +conception of right and wrong. For most children the difference +between going to the reformatory or jail and turning out decent men +and women is one of wholesome and sympathetic environment. Undue +severity, no less than bad example, confirms many a youth in these +habits--which should represent but a passing stage in his +development. + +Adults should not read their own ideas of morality into the acts of +their children and then catalogue them as right or wrong. Most +children's acts are neither right nor wrong: they are merely +expressions of feelings and ideas peculiar to the stage of +development. With young children ideas of right and wrong divide +themselves into acts which are permitted and those which are +forbidden. They have no conception of right and wrong beyond that. + +Many an act that a boy commits, which we consider wrong, is but the +expression of the instincts of his age. Our duty consists in helping +him to pass through that stage without making permanent habits of +these temporary impulses. This help must not be given through +branding the acts as wicked or criminal, nor is moralizing itself +generally effective. Help must come through providing adequate +opportunities for play and games and work that will use up surplus +energy both of mind and body. Above all, help must come through the +healthy examples and the constant manifestation of high ideals in +the home. + +Every normal child will in time respond to these influences. There +are, unfortunately, some children that will not develop beyond this +stage of primitive, savage instincts; but such abnormal children are +rare and we cannot deal with them here. + +With the problem of reasoning, then, as with all other aspects of +child training, it is a question of understanding, of being in close +relations with one's children, and being able to fathom the workings +of their minds. + + + + +IX. + +WORK AND PLAY + + +All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. And it is this same lack +of play that produces so many dull men and women; for the spirit of +play is the spirit of youth and spontaneity and joy. Yet work and +play have so much in common that it seems unfortunate indeed that +all of us have not learned to retain our youth when work becomes +necessary. + +I trust that there are few to-day who still believe that play is +wicked. If we desire our children to grow up into healthy and joyful +and moral men and women, then must we consider play a necessity of +life. For play is more than merely a pleasant means for passing the +time; it is a school of life, it is a means for physical, mental, +and moral education. + +The young child, before he is old enough to play horse, or to +imitate other activities he sees going on around him, gets his play +from handling a rattle or a ball, from random movements of his legs +and arms, or from playing with his fingers and his toes. He derives +satisfaction from the sensations of touch and sight and sound, as +well as from the feeling of freedom and the sensation of his active +muscles. But this infantile play is not only satisfying to the +child; it is a means for learning the use of his little hands and +arms and legs. When the baby learns to crawl, and later to walk, he +derives pleasure from the exercise of his newly-acquired arts, and +at the same time attains perfection in the use of his limbs and in +the correlation of his muscles. He is also gaining strength with his +growth, for these muscles will not gain in strength unless they are +exercised. Of course, the child does not know about these advantages +of play; but the mother should know and give the growing child every +opportunity to exercise himself in every possible way; for thus +alone can he gain in strength, in endurance, and in confidence. + +When the child is a little older his play takes on new forms, for he +is now deliberately _making_ things: the chairs become wagons +and animals, the corner of the room may be made into a lake, a +pencil or a button-hook is quite long enough for a fishing pole, and +a handful of beans may be converted into all kinds of merchandise, +coins for barter, a flock of birds, or seaside pebbles. That is, as +the child's experience broadens, he finds more to imitate, he +exercises his imagination more, and combines into more complex plays +the materials he finds about him. But all the time the child is +_working_, as much so as an artisan at his task; and all the +time the child is _learning_, more rapidly probably than if he +were at school; and all the time the child is _playing_, that +is, enjoying the outlet of his impulses. + +[Illustration: Work is play.] + +Play has been called the ideal type of exercise, because it is the +kind of exercise that occupies the whole child, his mental as well +as his physical side--and later, also, the moral side. In play the +exercise is regulated by the interests, so that, while there may be +extreme exertion, there is not the same danger of overstrain as is +possible with work that he is forced to do. In play the exercise is +carried on with freedom of the spirit, so that the flow of blood and +the feeling of exhilaration make for health. + +When children begin to play at work their activities are not +entirely imitative, although the kind of work they choose will be +determined by the kinds of activities that go on about them. The +child has real interests in work; and these should be encouraged and +cultivated. The chief interest is, perhaps, the growing sense of +mastery over the materials which the child uses. He can make blocks +take on any form he pleases; although the first houses he tries to +build are apt to be just a random piling of his material, there +follows a growing deliberation and planning, so that he comes at +last to make what he has _intended_ to make, and not merely +produce an accidental result. + +The earlier plays of the child are not at all in the nature of +games; there is not at first the need for a companion. There is no +special order in which the various acts of his play have to be +carried out. When he plays horse on a stick, or is a parade all by +himself, or plays house in the corner, a few simple movements are +repeated until the child is tired of them, or until something occurs +to shift his interest. Nor is there in these early plays a special +point that marks the end of the interest. In games, however, these +three factors are always present: it takes two or more to play a +game; there is a definite order or succession of events, and there +is a definite finish or climax. And as we watch the children at +their games we can see their whole mental and moral development +unfold before us, for nothing is more characteristic of a child's +stage of development than the games in which he is interested. + +While we are content to let the younger children play as much as +they like--because very often the more they play, the less they +annoy us--we are all inclined to expect of the older children an +increasing share of work and a declining interest in play. Some of +us are even inclined to discourage the play instinct as the children +grow older, because we have come to think of play as something not +only frivolous and useless, but even a harmful waste of time. Now, +the educational value of play keeps pace with the development of the +child. That is to say, the child outgrows interest in games about as +fast as these lose their educational value. The new games that the +child takes up year after year always have something new to teach +him. + +[Illustration: Let them romp in winter as well as in summer.] + +The plays of the early period develop his sense perceptions, they +give practice in seeing and hearing and touching with quick +discernment. Then for four or five years play gives increased +mastery of the child's own body, and over the objects and materials +with which he plays. Running and jumping are for skill and for +speed; the competitive instincts drive each to do the best he can +for himself. Later the games give exercise in the adjustment of the +child not only to his material surroundings, but also to other +children; in other words, he learns to take his place among other +human beings. From the games in which the children take their turns +at some activity the timid child learns that he has equal rights +with others, and acquires self-confidence; whereas the child +disposed to be overbearing learns the equally necessary lesson that +others have rights which he must respect. Every child learns from +these games how to be a good loser as well as how to be a good +winner. Just those qualities that make an adult an agreeable +associate in business or in social dealings are brought out by these +games as they can be by no ordinary form of work which the children +have a chance to do. + +It is only in very recent times that we have begun to notice that +the work required of the children in the schools is of a kind that +either ignores the development of the social instincts or actually +hinders them, so that the moral or social effect of successful +school work is frequently very undesirable. When a child is set to +do some work by himself, even if the work is not too difficult for +him, there is no exercise for the social instinct, and the work must +be very interesting indeed to hold his continued attention. As the +child grows older there is increasing need for social stimulation of +the cooperative kind and less of the emulative kind. Where the +experiment has been tried of having the children approach their +school work as they approach a game, with the feeling of getting at +an interesting goal, with opportunities for each to do his best for +the whole group and to help the others, the work becomes as +interesting as a game, and acquires the same educational value as a +good game well played. In the home we might often get the necessary +work done with more expedition and with better spirit if we +recognized the child's need of constant outlet for his emotions, and +if we recognized the depressing effect of routine and solitude and +monotony. One of the chief reasons why working girls prefer to go to +shops and factories, as against domestic service, lies just in this +natural instinct for society. The work of the household has much +more variety than the work of a factory; but most of it has to be +done in solitude, without the stimulation that comes from the +companionship of others doing the same thing, or at least working +within reach of the voice. + +[Illustration: In their games they should learn to lose as well as +to win.] + +The truly wonderful transformations in character that have been +worked in girls and in boys by means of well-organized play have +taught us the moral value of team-work for the older children. In +these games, which come at a period when the child has already +acquired considerable skill and strength, the chief interest is in +doing the best for the team, so that the individual learns the +importance of subordinating himself to a common purpose. He learns +the joy of contributing his best to his "side" without considering +his individual glory or gains. In this way he acquires that negative +but very important side of self-control which consists in the +ability to _avoid_ doing what the impulse would drive him to. +He learns also the importance of dreary drudgery, in his practice +work, for acquiring special skill, and a boy will spend hours in +such dull practice, animated by the desire not to excel some other +individual, but by the desire to help his team win. He learns not +only to take his place in the game, but to judge his companions by +their special ability and by their value to the group, rather than +by clothes or personal feelings or other outward and incidental +facts. All these things the team game teaches as no mere +_instruction_, whether in school or home, can teach. + +We have learned from the results of these play activities with all +kinds of children in the city and in the country, of rich and of +poor, that the spirit of the game is not only capable of stimulating +the growing boy and girl to a tremendous amount of exertion, but +also of organizing his or her feelings and ideals into effective +moral and social standards. And when the same spirit is applied to +work, we can get the same valuable educative results, with the +addition of a higher appreciation of work as work than usually comes +from an early experience with doing necessary but disagreeable +tasks. For example, in one city the shop work of classes of boys was +organized on a cooperative basis. The boys worked in teams for the +making of desks or cabinets. The results, as measured by finished +product or by the quality of the workmanship, were far ahead of what +the same instructors could get from the same boys when the attempt +was made to stimulate the workers by means of prizes and individual +rewards. Children can learn to work together as well as to play +together. If you have noticed that two workers very often do half as +much work in a given time as one worker, it is because they have not +learned to work together--they have been denied the opportunity of +learning this, and now take occasion, when they do get together, to +do almost everything but work. + +There are many opportunities in the ordinary household to teach +girls and boys to do useful work in a spirit very similar to that +which they put into their games. It may not be possible to make all +the necessary work as interesting as games, but the remoter purpose +of the work, whether it is to accomplish something whose need is +recognized by the child, or the hope of some reward, should make for +close attention to the task in hand. For example, after a certain +age, sweeping and other household tasks lose their play interest; +but if the girl has become skilful enough to do the sweeping without +tiring, her recognition of the necessity of the work or her thought +of what she wants to do when the task is accomplished should make it +possible to get through with this work without a feeling of +hardship. Some educators approve of allotting definite tasks to the +girls and boys, and compensating them in definite amounts. This +gives them not only a measure of the value of their service, but +makes them feel the responsibility of each contributing toward the +maintenance of the establishment. The main thing is that the +children shall not look upon work as a cruel imposition; and to this +end we should develop the spirit of helpfulness and cooperation--and +to transfer this spirit, already developed in play, to the work that +has to be accomplished. + +One form of the expression of the play instinct has come lately to +arouse a great deal of public interest, and that is the dance. Books +have been written about the history of the dance, the esthetics of +the dance, the technique of the dance, the symbolism of the dance, +and many other aspects. What concerns the parent chiefly is to know +that the dance is at once a healthful exercise, an important aid to +social adjustment, and a valuable safety-valve for the emotions. + +With the rapid growth of our cities we have come suddenly to realize +that nearly half of the nation's children have no _place_ in +which to play, since the open fields and vacant lots have been +invaded by warehouses and factories and tenements. And so the +playground movement has gained rapid headway. Playgrounds have been +established, and placed in charge of competent and enthusiastic +leaders, who are teaching the children something they never should +have unlearned. But at the same time we are coming to realize that +the children in the country and in small towns, although they have +plenty of space, have not really had the opportunity to get the most +out of their play activities. It would seem that even the instinct +of play can be made to work to better purpose when it is +intelligently directed. It is our duty, then, to provide not only +play space and play time, but also play material and, where +possible, play direction. It is our further duty to keep alive in +ourselves, as far as possible, the spirit of play; for there is no +one thing that will do so much to keep us young and in sympathy with +our children as the ability to play as they play, and to play with +them. + +Excepting only the infant when playing with his fingers and toes, the +child must play with some _person_ or with some _thing_. The selection +of suitable toys becomes a more serious problem than is commonly +realized, when we once recognize the great influence of play upon the +child. + +Stepping into the toy shop, we are confronted by a multitude of +objects, the variety and quantity of which are distracting. +Everything that the ingenuity of man could devise is here presented +to our astonished eyes, and children gaze upon the great spectacle +and are delighted. If we go to the store just to be amused or to buy +_something_, a very indefinite something for a child of a +certain age, we are quickly satisfied. But if we have in our mind +some idea as to what is really good for the child who is to receive +the gift, it is just as hard to find the right thing to-day in the +immense, up-to-date toy store as in the little general store that +"also keeps toys." The manufacture of toys has grown to a tremendous +industry, but with no ideal behind it, no guiding educational +principle. Toys are made to sell,--having fulfilled that function +the manufacturer is not further concerned. Consequently, toys are +made to attract the eye; durability, use, and need from the child's +point of view are rarely considered. + +In selecting toys we must not consider what would amuse or entertain +its, but solely the child's need, and this need will differ at the +various stages in his development. + +[Illustration: Don't forget how to play with the children.] + +For the little child who has no skill, we want to get toys that +exercise the large muscles; he should have blocks that are large. It +is a common mistake to suppose small toys are suitable for small +children; within certain limits just the opposite is true. + +Young children can also use toys that merely need to be manipulated +without having much significance. Things that can be taken apart and +put together are enjoyed and are very instructive. + +A child should get from his toys a bare suggestion of the object, +and not a lifelike representation that will be of interest to the +critical adult. Refinement of finish and realistic representation +are entirely wasted on the child. A massive wooden dog or bird is +better than a furry or feathery one. It is enough of a dog or bird, +so far as the child is concerned, and if it can stand rough +handling, so much the better. For the little boy or girl an animal +that can stand up or be drawn about by a string is quite +satisfactory; but before the age of three years is reached the +animal must have movable parts, so that it may be put into various +positions, be made "to do things." + +At about three years of age the child also comes more and more to +see things in relation to each other and no longer as isolated +objects. At this time, if he has a cow, he wants also a stable in +which to keep her, the doll calls for a carriage and bed, and so on. +This is something to keep in mind in planning our purchases. + +Children like to reproduce in their plays the processes which they +see going on around them or about which they hear. This is in a way +their preparation for the activities of adult life. If the little +boy or girl wants to play farm, or menagerie, or laundry, or grocery +store, it is not necessary to buy the whole outfit at once. The +child will probably not be ready for it, and if he gets more than he +can comfortably use, he will be overwhelmed and many objects are +likely to be neglected. + +Let us say, for instance, that your little boy has received a +milk-cart and horse for his birthday and he has exhausted the +possibilities of play with them. Now here is Christmas, and you can +give him or make him a nice, substantial barn and someone else can +give him a cow. Immediately the possibilities for play are greatly +multiplied. He can take the cow to pasture, bring her into the barn to +be milked, take the milk to market and store away hay for the winter, +and so on indefinitely. In time he can have a well-equipped barnyard, +build pig-sties and chicken-coops with his blocks, and spend many +happy and instructive hours. A great advantage in having toys grouped +about some central idea is that several children can play at the same +time and each particular toy stays in use much longer than it would +otherwise. + +I have spoken of your little boy as the manager of the toy farm, but +in these days, when women are entering every profession, there is no +reason to suppose that it is not your little girl who will need +those things. Still, although we know that, in spite of traditions, +little boys like to play with dolls and little girls like to play +with other things, we shall, for the sake of convenience, stick to +the traditions and discuss the little girl in connection with dolls. + +There is nothing that will give your little daughter greater +pleasure and at the same time be more instructive than an +opportunity to run a whole doll house. By this I do not mean the +elaborate constructions that are sold in the large shops under that +name. No, a packing case, painted and divided into four parts, will +serve the purpose far better. Gradually the different rooms can be +furnished, and in the meantime there is plenty of fun and much +development in trying to maintain the family of dolls under pioneer +conditions, calling for all sorts of clever makeshifts. + +There are numberless things that will go to make up the little +girl's doll house, and her activities can be extended over the +entire period during which she cares to play with dolls. At first +she will be satisfied with handling her baby and putting her to +sleep. Later she will want to dress and undress it. Before long she +will have a whole family of dolls and will want to prepare their +meals for them, sew and wash their clothes, and keep the house in +order. These growing needs on her part are just as real as the needs +adults feel, and it would be just as unwise to get her a new doll, +when she needs most of all a wash-boiler for her kitchen, as it +would be to buy for yourself a picture, when you really need a pair +of new spectacles. + +All the different articles needed for the running of the doll's +house can now be bought separately. In buying the different +articles, the things to keep in mind are usability, simplicity, and +durability. The furniture that you buy or make must be able to serve +the ostensible purpose of doll's furniture. It is better to get one +chair that is of the right size for the doll, well proportioned and +strong enough to stand the handling of the owner, than a whole set +of "pretty" and flimsy and useless furniture that you can buy in a +gay box for the same price. + +Of course, it is understood that the principles of usability, +simplicity, and durability apply to the dolls themselves. It is now +easy to obtain dolls with indestructible heads and with jointed +bodies made of durable material. The little baby will love the doll +with a felt head. It can stand being loved hard without losing some +of its features. To give a little girl a doll that is so finely +dressed and so daintily constructed that she is permitted to come +out of her box only on state occasions is a violation of every sound +principle of child training and fair dealing. + +I have mentioned, as examples of the kind of toys that can be bought +singly and grouped about some central idea, the farm and the doll's +house, but, of course, there are many other things--railroads with +their equipment, dairies, stores of all kinds, etc. + +Besides the toys that are related to various lines of activity, each +child, as soon as he is old enough, wants the opportunity to work +with materials and tools. The youngest children can have beads to +string, mosaic blocks with which patterns can be made, etc. For the +older children you can get materials for sewing, painting, parquetry +work, and the like. There are boxes containing wooden and iron +construction strips out of which bridges, houses, airships, and all +sorts of exciting things can be made. + +For the growing boy nothing is more appropriate than some carpentry +tools of his own. Here again we must remember that it is better to +buy a few good tools and gradually build up an equipment than to buy +a set that looks well enough in the store, but goes to pieces under +real usage. + +A printing-press or well-constructed toy typewriter, a camera or +scroll saw, will afford hours of helpful amusement and instruction. + +Musical instruments are always acceptable. The metalophone is one of +the simplest from which you can get real music. The cheapest is just +as usable as the more expensive, although, of course, it does not +have so wide a range of notes. + +It is impossible to enumerate all the indoor group games that are +offered, but in selecting a game you must make sure that it really +has some sense in it, and that it does not stimulate the gambling +spirit, as do so many of the games with dice or a spinning wheel as +a part of the equipment. + +All toys that encourage healthy outdoor sports are worth while. A +great deal of the progress in toy-making has been along mechanical +lines, until we are confronted with the most intricate mechanical +contrivances. They are interesting at an exhibition, and most likely +the child will be attracted by them and will want them, but only to +look at and own. He will tire of them much more quickly than he +would of the simple, usable toy. In this respect the children of the +rich are to be pitied. They are overloaded with these expensive, +mechanical toys which overstimulate them at first and later bore +them. The educative value of simple games with sticks and stones, or +anything the child may happen to pick up, is far greater and calls +for more exercise of imagination and ingenuity and the other +qualities we desire to foster than is that of the elaborate +mechanical toys. + +It would be very desirable if all the skill and enterprise that is +devoted to the development of the toy industry were applied to +making toys simpler, more durable, and cheaper, instead of making +them more elaborate, more realistic, and more flimsy. However, the +desirable kinds of toys will not be manufactured in larger +quantities until an enlightened parenthood both demands them and +refuses to buy the glittering heart-breakers that look so charming +in the shop, but go to pieces in the child's hands. + +It is far better to have fewer and better toys than more of an +inferior quality. The thing to keep in mind is that a toy is neither +an artistic model, an aesthetic ornament, nor a mechanical +spectacle, but should be a stimulus to call forth self-activity, +invention, ingenuity, imagination, and skill. + + + + +X. + +CHILDREN'S GANGS, CLUBS, AND FRIENDSHIPS + + +"What a plague boys are!" sighed Mrs. Brown. "That White boy has +been getting our Harry into all sorts of mischief, and I can't make +Harry give up that gang." + +Mrs. Green agreed that boys were a plague. Her Jack went with a lot +of boys, too, and they were always up to some sort of tricks which +she was quite sure _her_ boy would never do if it were not for +those other boys. And Mrs. Green was right. Any boy will do things +when he is with the gang that he never would think of doing alone-- +and that he wouldn't dare to do alone, if he did think of them. Even +your boy--and mine, too, I hope. That's the way of boys. + +What we mothers will have to do is to stop fretting about the other +boys in the gang who spoil our boys, and about the mischief and +noise and dirty boots and staying away late for meals, and get down +to a practical way of making all the boys in the gang as we find +them into a lot of decent young men. We shall have to stop trying to +make boys do what it is impossible for them to do; and we shall have +to stop trying to keep the boys from doing what it is absolutely +necessary that they should do, if they are to develop into the +decent young men we have in mind. + +The modern way, the efficient way, of treating children is to find +out their instincts and then use these almost irresistible forces of +nature as a means of directing their development. And that is what +we shall have to do with the boy and his gang, and that is what we +shall have to do with the girl and her set. The boy is a more +serious problem because, under the promptings of his instincts, he +soon becomes indifferent to the attractions and amusements of the +home and seeks the companionship of boys of his own age, and he +seeks activities that cannot, for the most part, be carried on in +the home. The girl, on the other hand, remains much longer subject +to the will of her mother and to the conventions and standards of +the home; she remains for a longer period satisfied with the kinds +of activities that can be carried on at home. + +We have been told over and over again that the instincts of +childhood are all for activity, and a few of us have trained +ourselves not to expect the children to _be still_ all the +time. Of course, there are times when we simply must have them be +still, and, of course, we allow the teachers to insist upon the +children being still in school. But we recognize that they must play +and romp and run and shout, and we are willing even to spend public +funds for playgrounds. This shows that we can learn, and that we can +make use of our knowledge. It is necessary only that we extend our +knowledge of the instincts of our children just as fast as we can +make use of more. + +Up to the age of about ten, boys are apparently satisfied to play +games by themselves, or to play with others in ways that let each +look out pretty much for himself. At this age, however, a change +begins to appear. Now the boy tends to associate himself with others +of the same age, and before you know it your son "belongs" to some +"gang." Every street in a town and every corner in a city has its +gang. And if your boy has red blood and hard grit in him, he is a +member of one of these gangs. He can't help it. He does not join +because it is the fashion, or because he is afraid to keep out, or +because he has social ambitions. He joins because it is his instinct +to join with others in carrying on the activities to which other +instincts drive him. If you stand in the way of the gang, you are +fighting against one of the strongest forces in human nature. + +Now if you feel the way Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Green felt about the +gangs, I do not blame you. But you must not stop there. Let's try to +find out first what the gang means to the boys and what it means to +the race. When a boy joins a gang, he does not discard his instinct +for play or for running and shouting. He simply takes on a new +relation to the world about him. As a member of the gang, he still +runs and plays and shouts; but now he has become conscious of his +place in the world, and that place is with his fellow-members, +surrounded by all sorts of enemies and dangers and obstacles to his +well-being. In his gang he finds comfort and support for his +struggle with the outside world. Here he finds opportunity for +satisfying exchange of thought; here he finds sympathy and +understanding such as he can get nowhere else. + +The gang, without a written code in most cases, without formal +rules, without very definite aims, even, nevertheless has a moral +scheme of its own that every boy understands and lives up to as +earnestly and as devotedly as ever man followed the dictates of +conscience. The gang demands of the boy unfailing loyalty, and--what +is more--it usually gets it. Of how many other institutions or +organizations can as much be said? The gang demands fair play and +fidelity among its members, and it usually gets these. The gang +demands devotion and self-sacrifice of its members, and the boy who +cannot show these qualities becomes more effectually ostracized than +any defaulting bank official or corrupt politician. These fine +virtues, then--loyalty, honor, devotion--are cultivated by the gang +just at the time when the instincts for them are strongest, and at a +time when no other agency is prepared to do the work. + +For you will realize, when you once think of it, how much we coddle +the baby when he is cute, how we shower him with toys far in excess +of what he can use or enjoy, how we fuss and fondle him, and how +much thought we give to every possible and impossible want; and how, +on the other hand, we neglect the boy when he enters upon that most +unattractive, but very critical, age in which he finds other boys +more interesting than his sister and her dolls, when he cares more +for other boys than he does for his mother and her parlor, when he +thinks more of the "fellers" than he does of his teacher and her +lessons. Just at this time, when the boy is beginning to wonder +vaguely and to long just as indefinitely, we abandon him to his own +resources and to Mrs. White's Bob, the leader of the gang. + +The problem that confronts us is: How can we save and strengthen the +fine qualities which this spontaneous association with other boys +produces without encouraging the lawlessness and the destructiveness +and the secretiveness of the gang? First of all, we mothers must +recognize not only that the boy cannot be happy without his +associates, but also that the social virtues will never be developed +in him at all if we keep him at home away from the others or +restricted to one or two play-mates--which we may like to select for +him. Then, when this is perfectly clear to us, we will take the next +step, which will be to use all the resources of the homes and of the +community to change the antisocial gang into a club. The difference +between a gang and a _club_ is not a matter of clean clothes +and "nice" manners. It is a difference in mental attitude. The gang +has rules and it has power. The club has put its rules into form and +it _knows_ what it can do and what it wants to do. In other +words, the gang is a casual, random group that drifts about in the +village or in the city, subject to every passing influence, whereas +the club is a deliberate, purposeful organization with definite aims +and developments. Both meet the needs of the growing boy for +association; both give the social instincts and virtues suitable +opportunity for exercise. + +This problem of giving the boys a chance to get together and do what +their instincts drive them to do is not one merely for the mothers who +can provide for their boys little or no supervision, and whose boys +play in the streets and vacant lots. The problem is just as great in +the case of the well-to-do, who provide constant supervision for their +children. Indeed, it is a serious question whether the condition of +the children of wealthier families is not in this respect more +dangerous than that of the less wealthy. With the boys of the street +the problem is how to divert the activities into suitable channels; +with the closely-guarded boys of the wealthy the problem is how to +develop the spirit of loyalty and self-sacrifice and honor, which have +been suppressed by the restricted and artificial associations of the +solicitous home. Both kinds of boys must be left free to form their +own associations, but the groups must be so directed in their club +activities (without, however, suspecting that they are being directed) +as to connect their interests with lawful amusements, civic needs, and +social relations. The great danger is that when adults take a hand in +these matters they fix their attention upon the civic and moral +virtues and overlook the instincts of activity and sociability which +call the gang into being, and the club degenerates into a preachy +Sunday- school class. + +[Illustration: The boys need a chance to get together.] + +In organizing clubs, or rather in presenting opportunities for the +organization of clubs, we must recognize that bodily activity, +taking the form of athletics, or of workshop effort, or of camping, +hunting, etc., is a fundamental condition of healthy growth for the +boys and girls. As every group must have its meeting place, this +should be first provided, and it should be of a nature that allows +gymnastics and hammering and boxing to go on without any +restrictions beyond those required by the nature of the little +animals. That is, there is need for sleep and rest and meals--and +perhaps certain definite hours for school and church--but beyond +such disagreeable though necessary interruptions the meeting place +of the club should be a busy place at all decent hours. We are +tempted to force literature and debating upon our clubs; these +things usually come later, and appeal at best to but relatively few +boys. Literature and debating are good, but they can never take the +place of parallel bars and boxing gloves and hammer and saw. + +We are also tempted to pick out the boys for the clubs that we are +interested in. This is a serious mistake. It is this sort of thing +that causes the failure of so many well-meaning attempts to redeem +the children of the "slums" or of the street. We must let the groups +form spontaneously; the boys' instincts are keener in detecting the +sneak and the coward and the traitor than yours are, and if the club +has the right start, the undesirable citizen will either adopt the +morals of the club or be squeezed out. And the right start is +chiefly a good meeting place. It is here that the church and the +school and the home can cooperate. In the larger cities the +settlement has pointed the way by carrying on practically all of the +work with children through the medium of clubs. + +It is not necessary for every parent to furnish a suitable meeting +place; indeed, each club needs only one meeting place. But every +home can contribute something. If you have not the suitable garret +or barn or shed, you can supply the baseball outfit, or the Indian +clubs, or the work-bench, or some of the tools. You can lend your +homes for those not very frequent occasions when the boys are quite +satisfied to have a quiet evening of table games or theatricals, or +imitation camp-fire with chestnuts to roast and songs to sing. You +can make up lunch-baskets for fishing or tramping trips, or you can +sew tapes on the old pants for "uniforms." + +It does not matter so much _what_ you do, so long as you do as +much as you can, and, above all, if you show an "interest." The bond +of sympathy and intimacy that comes from such an understanding and +from the hearty cooperation of the home with these natural instincts +of the children is an immense gain to the individual parent, as well +as to the individual child. Instead of friction and opposition of +forces, there results a cooperation of forces that all make for +good. + +As for the community, the village or town that can provide meeting +places for all of its groups of young people, under the direction of +those who understand them and sympathize with them, with suitable +equipment for physical activities of all kinds, can make no better +investment of the money that such a venture would cost. For it is in +such association that the boys and girls learn to be members of a +group, and eventually of the larger group that includes us all. The +good citizen is the one who has developed the instincts of loyalty +and devotion and self-sacrifice and honor, and has directed them +toward the community. The bad citizen is the one in whom these +virtues were never developed, or one in whom these traits remain in +the gang stage. + +In the attempts that have been made to direct the instincts of +children we have given the boys much more attention than the girls, +for the simple reason that the boys have given us more trouble. +Still, the girls should not be neglected. They are entitled to all +the advantages that can be derived from organized opportunity to +associate with one another and to develop the social virtues. They +should also have the opportunity for physical exercise and +development which the boy gets because he makes violent demand for +it, but which the girl needs just as much. + +It has been found unwise to have mixed clubs of boys and girls in +the early years, and even later, when girls and boys could +profitably associate together, they like to have their separate +groups for special activities. For the strictly sociable times, +however, boys and girls may be brought together at any age. + +Apart from the other advantages to be gained from the club, the girl +or boy will be saved from his friends. There is a real danger that +children who do not get into larger groups will take up with a +single chum or intimate. While it is true that many lasting and +valued friendships start in these early years, the danger is +nevertheless a serious one. Chums or intimates, in their tendency to +get away from other people, may do nothing worse than carry on silly +conversations; but they may also read pernicious literature and +develop bad habits. Activities in a group are more open and less +likely to be of a secret nature. + +Intimacies at this early age will spring up for all kinds of +superficial reasons. In a study made some years ago these were some +of the reasons given for the formation of friendships: "We were +cousins," "He taught me to swim," "We had the same birthday," "She +had a red apron," "Her brown eyes and hair," "Neither of us had a +sister." A large proportion of the children who were questioned gave +as the only reason for their intimate friendship the fact that they +"live near each other." However absurd these reasons may appear to +us, we are compelled by what we know of the child's mind to respect +these attachments. But if there is any danger in the intimacy--and +there often is--the only remedy is encouragement of association in a +large group. "There is safety in numbers." + +So, whether we are more concerned with the mischief done by the +gang, or with the danger of intimate chums, whether we care more for +the development of good citizenship in boys and girls, or merely to +make the children happy while they are growing up, it is necessary +for parents to use all the means at their disposal to organize and +encourage the social activities of the young people to the fullest +extent. + + + + +XI. + +CHILDREN'S IDEALS AND AMBITIONS + + +When you take pains to instruct your children in the way they should +go, it is because you have in mind certain standards of what a child +should do, or of what kind of an adult you wish your child to +become. In other words, you look to your ideals to guide you in the +training of the child. We all appreciate more or less vaguely the +importance of ideals in shaping character, and for this reason we +value ideals, although it is considered smart for adults to sneer at +ideals and idealism--which are supposed somehow to be opposed to the +"practical" affairs of life. But in a way there is nothing more +truly practical than a worthy ideal. + +Where there is no vision the people perish; and that is just as true +of the individual as it is of a nation. Moreover, it is the +_youth_ who shall see the visions and draw from them the +inspiration for higher and better things. Fortunately, every normal +child develops ideals. It is for more experienced people to provide +the opportunities for the formation of desirable ideals, to guide +the ideals after they are formed into practicable channels, to use +the ideals to reinforce the will in carrying out our practical +purposes in the training of the child. + +You no doubt find it easy enough to recognize and to encourage +ideals that are in harmony with your own, or that seem to you worthy +and likely to have a favorable influence upon your child's career or +character. When five-year-old Freddy says that he wants to become a +lawyer or a doctor, you encourage him. You say, "That's fine, my +boy," and in your mind's eye you see him climbing to fame and +fortune. But when Freddy says that he wants to be a policeman and +marry the candy-lady, you laugh at him, and you certainly do +_not_ encourage him. But in Freddy's mind doctor and lawyer +mean no more than policeman; they involve no more important social +service, they mean no more dignity in personal position, they +suggest nothing more of anything that is worth while. For whatever +it is that Freddy wants to be at any moment is to him the sum of all +that is to him worth while--and that is just what an ideal ought to +be. + +This is not a plea to cruel parents in behalf of smoothing Freddy's +path toward the coveted post--or the course of his courtship of the +candy-lady's daughter. It is simply an effort to point out how +important it is to avoid shattering early in life that precious +mirror in which alone visions are to be seen. When you have +ridiculed the policeman out of further consideration, you are likely +with the same act to have weakened Freddy's faith in ideals--and to +this extent you have loosened one of the safest props of his +character. We need not be afraid of the crude and short-sighted +ideals of the young child. With the growth of his experience his +ideals will expand. We should fear rather to infect him with the +vulgar disrespect for all ideals. + +In a few years Freddy has his heart set on charting the blank spaces +on his geography map, and he has never a thought for the girls. It +is the same Freddy, but he has in the meanwhile roamed far from the +home neighborhood--in imagination--and has discovered new heroes and +new types of heroism. The policeman and the candy-lady are still at +their old posts, but Freddy ignores them because his ideals have +grown with his experience and his information, as well as with his +bodily growth and development. + +Study of thousands of children in all parts of this country, in +England and in Germany, has shown that the young people begin to +form ideal images of what they consider desirable, or beautiful, or +right rather early in life. They form ideals of virtue as well as +ideals of happiness, and these ideals reflect their experiences and +their surroundings to a remarkable degree. Thus, there are +differences between the ideals formed by country children and those +formed by city children, between the ideals of poor children and +those of wealthy ones, between the ideals of English children and +those of American or German children. But, aside from all these +differences, it is found that the ideals vary with the sex of the +child, and also with the age, so that each child passes through a +series of stages marked by characteristic types of ideals. + +As early as the age of nine years children have expressed themselves +as looking forward to "doing good" in the world, or to making +themselves "good." The age at which this impulse to service or to +personal perfection may take form must depend upon many things +besides the peculiar characteristics of the individual child. +Jessie's ideals concerning "being good" will be shaped by what she +hears and sees about her. If you speak frequently about the foreign +missions, she may think of being good as something that has to do +with the heathen. If the family conversation takes into +consideration the sick and the needy, Jessie's ideal may be dressed +like a Red Cross nurse. If you never speak of the larger problems of +community welfare, or of social needs, or of moral advance in the +home, where Robert has a chance to hear you, he can get suggestions +toward such ideals only after he has read enough to become +acquainted with these problems and the corresponding lines of +service for himself. + +Answers received from hundreds of girls and boys would seem to show +that virtue and goodness are desirable to children at a certain +stage of their development chiefly, if not solely, because they +bring material or social benefits. Virtue is rewarded not by any +internal or spiritual satisfaction, but by freer access to the candy +supply or to the skating pond. The right is that which is allowable, +or that which may be practiced with impunity. The wrong is that +which is forbidden or punishable. Of course, this attitude toward +moral values should not continue through life. We should do what we +can to establish higher ideals of right and wrong. How soon this +change will come must depend very largely on where the emphasis is +laid by those around the child. If, when you give Robert a piece of +candy, you always impress him with the idea that this is his +compensation for having been "good," he will retain this association +between virtue and material reward long past the age when he can +already appreciate the satisfaction that comes from exercising his +instinct to be helpful, or from doing what he thinks is right. If, +however, the idea in the home is that all goes well and all feel +cheerful and happy because every one is trying to do the right +thing, the various indulgences and liberties will mean to the child +merely the material manifestations of the good feeling that +prevails, and not rewards of virtue. So far as possible, rewards and +punishments should be directed toward the _deed_ and not the +child. The aim should be to make the child derive his highest +satisfaction from carrying out his own ideals of conduct, rather +than from the reward for that conduct. The approbation of those he +honors and loves should gradually replace the material reward. + +To the child the ideal of success may mean two entirely different +things. At one stage it may mean the satisfaction of accomplishing a +set task, whether selected by himself or imposed by some one else. +Later, it comes to mean excelling some other child in a contest. +Even a child of four or five years gets a great deal of satisfaction +from contemplating a house he has built out of his blocks, or the +row of mud pies. This satisfaction gradually comes to be something +quite distinct from the pleasure of _doing_, and is an important +element in the ideal of workmanship. As the child grows older the +ideal of successful accomplishment grows stronger, and, if it is +retained throughout life, it contributes a large share toward the +individual's happiness. + +Most of the school activities of our children lay too much emphasis +upon the ideal of successful rivalry, and too little upon the ideal of +high achievement. The ideal set before the children is not frequently +enough that of doing the best that is in them, and too frequently that +of doing merely better than the neighbor--which may be poor enough. +Some of the work done with children in clubs, outside of schools, has +brought out the instinct for an ideal of achievement in a very good +way. Richard came home quite breathless when he was able to report +that he could start a fire on a windy day, using but a single match! +In some of the more modern organizations, for girls as well as for +boys, graded tasks are assigned as tests of individual proficiency or +prowess. Every girl and every boy must pass these standards, without +regard to what the others do. The result of encouraging this ideal is +likely to be an increased sense of responsibility, well as an +increased self-respect; whereas the ideal of "beating" others may in +many cases keep the girl or boy at a rather low level of achievement, +compared to the child's own capacity. + +This competitive ideal is illustrated by the girl who is ambitious +to stand at the head of her class, and receives encouragement +enough. But we give very little thought to the child whose ideals +are for service to others or to the community. It is very often the +same child that at one time glories in successful emulation under +the encouragement of our approval, and that later fails to develop +the germs of altruistic ideals because we fail to recognize, or at +least to encourage, them. We cannot expect from the schools an early +change of emphasis from the competitive type of ambition to the +ideal of cooperation or service, although the teachers who have +tried to encourage the latter have found the school work to proceed +more satisfactorily than it does under the spirit of emulation. But +in the home it should be much easier to encourage these higher types +of ideals, for we do not have to set one child against the other, +and there is greater opportunity for individual service on account +of the greater differences in the ages and attainments of the +children. + +It is interesting and significant that, of the thousands of children +who have given expression to their ideals and ambitions, a very +small number--less than one in every hundred--have appeared to be +quite content with themselves and with their surroundings. The +normal child craves for some thing better, and roams as far afield +as his knowledge and opportunities let him in his search for the +best. It is during the years from the tenth to the fifteenth or +sixteenth that this search is keenest, and during this period we +should present to the children every opportunity for becoming +acquainted with what has been considered best in the history of the +race. The reading that the boy or girl does at this time is perhaps +the most important source of ideals. + +The selection of suitable books for the young is in itself an important +problem, and one that many of us are apt to neglect. It is impossible to +judge of the desirability or suitableness of a book from its appearance, +or from its price, or from the standing of its publishers, or even from +the repute of the author. Many attractive-looking books are not only +worthless, but positively objectionable. If it is not possible for you +to examine carefully each book that you consider buying, you should make +use of an annotated list, or seek competent counsel in some other form. +Through libraries and various associations it is now possible to obtain +carefully prepared lists that will be helpful in selecting books for +children of all ages. + +An interesting point that has been brought out by studies is the +fact that degrading ideals are practically wanting in children. You +were no doubt shocked to discover that Eddy was planning to become a +burglar, or a pirate chief, or a tramp, or an ordinary highwayman. +But a careful analysis of the motives and experiences of the boy +will show that the particular feature that Eddy admires in his hero +is far removed from the ones that shock you. The boy is dreaming of +travel and adventure, of the excitement of chasing or of being +chased, of trying his ingenuity in conflict with the professionally +ingenious minions of the law, of being brave in the face of danger, +of testing his fortitude in the time of trouble, of the loyalty of +his comrades to himself as leader, or of his loyalty to his chief +when the latter is beset by his enemies. But courage and loyalty and +fortitude and ingenuity are no more degrading ideals than are +material possessions and intellectual accomplishments. Only it +happens that many boys find these particular ideals embodied in +heroes and personalities that we feel we must disapprove for various +reasons. Robin Hood appeals to the children not because he violated +the laws of the land or because he deprived people of their +property, but because he was brave, and clever, and just, and kind +to the poor. + +In comparing the ideals of children raised in the city with those of +children raised in the country, interesting differences appear. The +city children are in general less inclined to be altruistic than +country children at the same age. On the other hand, city children +draw upon a wider range of characters from history and from fiction +for their ideals. In the matter of future occupations, city children +were often satisfied to mention some preference from the various +occupations of which they had heard, without elaborating the +details, whereas the country children, although they did not select +from so wide a range, frequently described special features of some +occupation as the interesting elements leading to a choice. + +From the various studies that have been made we may see that the kind +of ideals that a child is likely to have depends a great deal upon the +_people_ with whom he becomes familiar, upon the _ideas_ with which he +becomes familiar, and upon the _activities_ with which he becomes +familiar. The child should have an opportunity to discover the best +that is available in his immediate environment. His earliest heroes +should be his parents; then the acquaintances near home should furnish +the qualities that will arouse his interest and admiration. It is a +mistake to thrust upon the child ideals ready made and imported for +the purpose. A hero thrust upon the young imagination may do service +for a while, but is likely to be discarded later when that particular +hero's virtues really need to be kept before the child much more than +they did in the earlier period. George Washington and his hatchet have +furnished us a legend that is a good illustration of this. The hero is +dressed up to be attractive to children of nursery age, and endowed +with nursery virtues. When the children grow up and so outgrow their +nursery ideals, they discard interest in and admiration for George +Washington: this is a serious loss to our national idealism. + +The results of the studies also indicate how significant is suitable +literature in the formation of ideals. A comparison of returns from +girls with those from boys throws an important side light on this +problem. In nearly every group of answers received it was evident +that most girls, when they get to a certain age, adopt ideals that +are decidedly masculine. The explanation of this seems to lie in the +fact that the characters of history and of literature with whom they +become most familiar are those showing distinctly masculine +qualities. There are real differences between the mind of a girl and +the mind of a boy, and these should be taken into consideration in +their training. There is great need for the clearer recognition and +sharper definition of distinctly feminine ideals. It is not enough +to transfer some imitation masculine ideals to the minds of our +girls. + +We should make a special effort to discover our children's ideals, +for several reasons. First of all, by knowing what the girl or boy +has nearest the heart we shall be able to enter into closer sympathy +with the child, we shall be able to understand much of the conduct +that would otherwise baffle as well as annoy us. In the second +place, by watching the rise of ideals we shall be better able to +direct the child's playing and his reading and those other +activities that are needed to supply the experiences and ideas that +seem to be lacking, or to discourage tendencies that seem to us +undesirable. In the third place, if we know our children's ideals we +can make use of these as motive forces in helping us to carry out +our larger plans. It is when the boy is in the military stage of his +ambitions that we should try to make the virtues of the soldier +habitual parts of his character. It is when the girl is ambitious to +make a fine garden that we should try to make her fix the habits of +orderliness, regularity, and attention to details. Of course, not +every girl will want to have a garden, and many a boy never cares to +be a soldier; but at every stage there are ideals that can be called +upon to fix the heart upon certain virtues until the latter become +habits. + +It is very easy to ridicule the ideals and ambitions of children when +they seem to us too high-flown or futile. But a person's ideals stand +too close to the centre of his character to be treated so rudely. It +is better to ignore the many trifling flights of fancy that are not +likely to have any permanent effect, and to throw the child into +circumstances that will force the emergence of more deep-seated or +far-reaching ambitions. + +There is another danger in the ease with which a child's faith in +ideals is destroyed, when these happen to interfere with our own +immediate comfort and desires. When a boy has gotten into some +mischief with his friends, and is the only one caught, we are +tempted to bring pressure to bear upon him to make him tell who the +other culprits were. Joe is ready to take his own punishment, and +that of his fellow malefactors, too, rather than "snitch." But for +some reason we feel that "justice" demands the conviction of every +individual involved. The conflict is not between our sense of +justice and the boy's stubbornness or wilfulness; it is rather a +struggle between our demand for retribution and the boy's ideal of +loyalty. If, through threats and cajolery or more indirect methods, +we at last succeed in finding out that it was Mrs. Brown's Bob who +was responsible for the whole affair, we have at last broken down +Joe's inclination to act according to certain ideal standards. Joe +has fallen in his own estimation beyond calculation. It is better to +let Bob go "unpunished" than to make Joe go back on his principles. + +One important outcome of a study of our children's ideals and +ambitions should be the direction of their vocational choices. We +have read of Benjamin Franklin's father, who took his boys about to +various shops with a view to helping them make up their minds as to +what kind of trade they should follow. Nowadays we should consider +this method rather crude; but for a variety of reasons most of us do +not do even this much for our children. A study of children's plans +and hopes for their future work brings out the fact that the desire +to "earn money" as a motive in the choice increases up to the age of +twelve years, and then declines rapidly. This may be taken to mean +that, apart from the enlarged range of interests that comes with +increased experience, there is also an efflorescence of the fancy +that leads to increased concern with ideal ends. This is confirmed +by a comparison of the choice made by children of well-to-do +families with those made by children of rather poor people. The +children of the poor, in tragically large numbers, appear to accept +the fact of working as a necessity of life; they accept this +doggedly as a matter of course. The children of more prosperous +families, on the other hand, though frequently expressing +preferences for the same kinds of occupations, have their hearts set +on the joy of achievement, or on the ideal of service, or on the fun +of _doing_, in much larger proportions. + +From answers written by English children in a factory district these +examples are typical: + +A boy of eight: "I should like to be a Carpenter. Because my mother +says I can be one." + +A girl of twelve: "I should like to go out when I am older to earn +my own living." + +Another girl of twelve: "I think it would be nice to go out to a +situation." + +In contrast with these are the answers given by children of the same +ages who came from homes of culture, if not always of wealth: + +A boy of eight: "I would like to be like Major ---- because I like +carpentering very much and he carpenters beautifully. Once he bought +a box for his silver and there was one tray to it and he wanted to +make little fittings for the silver so first he painted some names +on some paper of all the different things he had; then he cut them +out and supposing he wanted to put knives and forks quickly he would +have a little name written down where they ought to go and he made +the fittings most beautifully quite as well as any shop would." + +A girl of thirteen: "One thing I should like to do would be to be a +very clever naturalist, and to know everything about everything +alive or in the country world." + +A girl of ten: "I should like to be a piano teacher, when I grow up, +for then I shall be able to learn to play many pieces of poetry." + +A part of this difference is no doubt due to the fact that in many +families there are traditional ideals of the obligations of +privilege, which the children readily imitate; or to the fact that +these children do not have to think about the necessity of earning a +livelihood, and so give their attention to the enjoyments that can +be derived from various kinds of activity. + +The subject of vocational guidance, which has come into great +prominence during the past few years, includes so many ideas that +are confusing and misleading that large numbers of people have +become alarmed and are fighting the movement. In the first place, +the title itself is misleading. Most people do not enter upon +"callings" in the true sense of that word; they get into some kind +of occupation or business, but could just as readily have adjusted +themselves to any one of a thousand other occupations. Then the +matter of _guidance_ is misleading. It is impossible for anyone +to-day to undertake to guide young people into their occupations. +All that can be hoped for is that children may be given an +opportunity to find out about the different types of work that need +to be done, and about the different human qualities that are of +value in the various occupations. + +The question that concerns the parent is: What special inclinations +has the child that can be utilized in a future occupation? It is not +so much a question of making full use of your child's talents as it +is of giving him an opportunity to do the kind of work in which he +will be most happy. Society at large is interested in conserving all +the different kinds of ability, but the individual child is +concerned with realizing his own ideals, with living, so far as +possible, his own life. At the same time, the evidence which we have +on the subject--not very much, to be sure--shows that there is +really a close connection between what a child likes to do and what +he can do well. It is, of course, true that one can learn to do well +what at first comes hard, and then learn to like it. But we must not +forget that strong inclinations must be carefully considered when +future work is being decided upon. + +Our children are so imitative that a child with marked talents will +occasionally not reveal these in surroundings that lay emphasis on +qualities unrelated to these talents. So many a boy with high-grade +musical ability will fail to show this where music is looked down +upon as something unworthy of a man. In the same way children will +develop ideals in imitation of what goes on around them. Every child +is likely at some time in his career to look forward to money-making +as the most desirable end in life; but most normal children will +pass beyond this ideal before adolescence. If, however, the +atmosphere in which the child lives is one of money-getting, the +child without strong tendencies toward other ideals is likely to +allow this ideal to persist into adolescence and young manhood or +womanhood. In such cases the ideal becomes fixed without indicating +that the individual is "by nature" of an avaricious temperament or +materialistically inclined. + +The same principle of imitativeness would, of course, apply to other +ideals. This explains to us why the recurrence of certain ideals or +modes of life in successive generations of a family leads to the +supposition that there are "hereditary" elements at work. It is also +a good reason why we should guard against the contaminating +influence of unworthy ideals. It is impossible for us to carry about +imitation virtues and fool our children into imitating them. + +Children begin to form their ideals early in life, and their first +standards are derived from the people and the things about them that +contribute to their pleasures--sweets and parents and the heroes of +the fairy tales. + +As the child's experience broadens he borrows ideals from new +acquaintances and the characters he meets in his reading. + +The child absorbs from his surroundings, from his acquaintances, and +from his reading, as well as from the instruction that he receives +in school or in church, materials for building a world of what +_ought_ to be. And in this world he himself plays a very +important rôle. We must therefore make sure that the materials for +ideals which are within our control shall be of the best. + +Loose conversation, cynicism, open disrespect for the noble things +in human character, lack of faith in human nature cannot be +exhibited to the child day after day without having their sinister +effect. It is true that some children, here and there, will resist +these unfavorable influences, and will come out of the struggle +strong and self-reliant, with faith in their own ideals and with +faith in mankind. But we cannot afford to treat the developing +character of the child on the theory that it needs exercise and +temptation as a gymnast needs exercise and trying tasks. The +temptation that becomes a habitual stimulus to wrong doing or wrong +thinking has no moral value. The child is only too ready to follow +the path of least resistance, and the temptations will come aplenty +after the ideals begin to form. + +High ideals in the home, and not merely good words; loyalty to +ideals and a spirit of confidence in the children, are needed to +give the children that confidence in themselves which they need to +make them loyal to their own ideals when these are out of harmony +with vulgar fashion. + + + + +XII. + +THE STORK OR THE TRUTH + + +"Mother, where do babies come from?" + +Some day you will be asked this question by your little girl or your +little boy--if you have not already been asked. What will your +answer be? + +Even if you have been accustomed to giving frank answers to your +children's questions about all sorts of subjects, you are likely to +hesitate when it comes to this. You will be tempted to say what you +were probably told yourself, under similar circumstances. You will +perhaps say that the doctor brings babies in his satchel, or that +the stork brings babies in his bill. Or perhaps you will feel +impelled to tell Harry to go out and play, and ask you again a few +years later when he will be old enough to understand. + +The telling of a myth like the stork story is harmless enough for +the time being. We have entertained Santa Claus for ages without +undermining the morals of our children. And we shall continue to +retell the fairy stories, for, although they are not, strictly +speaking, "true" stories, they have their place in the life of the +child. Why can we not go on, then, as we have done in the past, +leaning upon the stork? + +The difference between the story of where babies come from and the +story of Santa Claus or Mother Hubbard is a very important one. +Santa Claus and Mother Hubbard represent ideas and interests that +are but passing phases in the child's development, whereas knowledge +about reproduction is something that grows in interest with the +years and reaches its deepest significance just at the time when you +can hardly, if at all, regain your hold upon your child, once you +have lost it. It does not matter much who disillusions your child +about Santa Claus. The disappointment is brief, and soon the child +can look upon the legend as a joke. But it does matter very much who +tells your child that the stork story is all a lie, and _how_ +he is told. + +It is well for mothers to realize that the embarrassment which they +may feel when this question is first asked is quite foreign to the +child, for the child at this time has no knowledge whatever of sex. +To him it is simply a question for satisfying his momentary +curiosity. Later on, when the child has become aware of the idea of +sex, he is not likely to ask his mother embarrassing questions, or, +if he should ask them, the situation would be equally embarrassing +to both--unless you have in the meanwhile kept in close sympathy +with your children, and they feel that they can come to you with any +question and be answered frankly. And the way to keep them in close +sympathy is by meeting frankly every question as it arises. It is +not necessary to answer every question by telling everything you +know; it is necessary merely to tell enough to satisfy the child's +immediate need. Not only, then, does your frank answer tend to keep +the child in touch with the mother, but you protect him in this +manner against going for his information to sources that are +frequently contaminating. The information that boys and girls give +one another about sex matters is often something appalling, not only +in its distance from the truth, but in the amount of filth with +which it is encrusted. It is the desire to keep his mind clean, +then, that should prompt the mother to tell her child what he wants +to know when he wants to know it. A third consideration is found in +the fact that many children, when they do not receive satisfactory +answers to their queries, will reflect and brood about the subject +to a degree that becomes morbid. This is especially likely to happen +where the subject of the child's inquiry is treated as though it +were an improper or a wicked one to speak about, so that the child +dares not ask others for enlightenment. + +That the early answering of the child's questions may offset both +morbid curiosity and the danger of resorting to filthy sources of +information is illustrated by the story of a seven-year-old boy who +was invited by an older boy to come to the wood-shed for the purpose +of being told an important secret. "If you promise not to tell any +one," the older boy began, "I will tell you where babies come from." +"Why, I know where babies come from," replied the second, not +greatly interested. "Oh, yes you do! I suppose you think that a +stork brings them? Well, you're 'way off there. The stork ain't got +nothing to do with it," the instructor continued breathlessly, for +fear of being deprived of his opportunity to impart his precious +secret. At last the secret was out; but the younger replied, coolly, +"That's nothing. My mother told me that when I was four years old." +Since the matter had ceased to be a secret, and since the story even +lacked novelty, all opportunity for the elaboration of details was +destroyed. + +But what can you tell to a child of four or five? For that is the +age at which the question is likely first to present itself. +Remember that the child is not asking a sex question, but one about +the direct source of himself, or about some particular baby that he +has seen. You can say that the baby grew from a tiny egg, which is +in a little chamber that grows as the baby grows, until the baby is +big enough to come out. This will satisfy most children for a +considerable time, but some children will immediately ask, "Where is +that little room?" To which you may reply, "The growing baby must be +kept in the most protected place possible, so it is kept under the +mother's heart." Or, you may say that the baby grew from a seed +implanted in the mother's body, that it was nourished by her blood +until it grew large enough, when it came out at the cost of much +suffering. Of course, you will tell the story as personally as you +can, about your particular child, and in as simple a way as you can. + +If you tell the little girl or boy this much you have told him all +that he probably cares to know at this time; you have told the truth +so that you have nothing to fear about his being disillusioned +either as to the story or as to your own trustworthiness; and you +have avoided arousing the suspicion that certain subjects are +unworthy of understanding. And then you will find that this new +conception of his relation to you, as truly a part of your being, +will deepen and strengthen his natural feeling of affection and +sympathy. It is also well with the first telling to impress the +child--in so many words, if necessary--with the idea that he must +always come to you for anything he wants to know, and that you are +always glad to tell him. + +As the child grows older his knowledge of life must grow also. In +the country and in small towns the child becomes familiar with many +important facts about life without any special effort being required +to inform him. He learns that chickies hatch out of eggs and that +the eggs have been laid by the mother hen. He learns that the field +and garden plants grow from seeds and that the seeds were borne by +the mother plants. He learns about the coming of the calf and the +colt; and even city children can learn that kittens and puppies come +from mother animals. It is a comparatively simple matter for a child +with such knowledge to get the further information that the baby +brother developed from an egg that mother kept near her heart during +the hatching time. Much of this knowledge that the country child +acquires incidentally must be brought to the city child through +special efforts and devices, in the school as well as in the home, +that he may acquire the fundamental facts of bearing and rearing +young, in plants as well as in animals, and that he may look upon +these facts not as strange or disconcerting marvels, but as natural +happenings. + +Miss Garrett, one of the most successful teachers of sex and +reproduction, tells the story of some city boys who had been taught +these things, and who had decided, in their club, to raise rabbits. +The selection of a father rabbit and a mother rabbit was too +important a matter to leave to a committee, so the whole club went +in a body to attend to these preliminaries. The care the boys took +of the mother rabbit during her pregnancy was in itself an +education. Later Miss Garrett saw the leader of the club--who had +been the "toughest" of the gang--with another boy on the street, +while a pregnant woman was trying to cross with a heavy basket. +"Come on, Jim," he called, "let's help her across." This same boy +but a few months back would have ridiculed the poor woman in her +plight. + +Every child can learn what Jim and his companion learned. He can +learn to respect motherhood and to be considerate of mothers as +mothers. It is very interesting to see the great differences in this +regard between families in which the fact of motherhood is a secret, +and those in which it is a matter of common knowledge. I was +visiting a friend whose six-year-old boy knew that another baby was +expected, and he was very careful to avoid annoying his mother. Of +course, the attitude of the other members of the family also had an +influence upon the conduct of this child. But another mother +complained that she received very little consideration during +pregnancy from her oldest son--a boy of fourteen--although all the +other members of the family were as careful and as thoughtful as +could be desired. This second mother, however, had allowed her older +boys to grow up on the assumption that sex and reproduction had +nothing to do with life, or, at any rate, were of no concern to them +and were not suitable subjects to know about; so that her boys did +_not_ know that something unusual was in the air, or that +something special was expected of them. + +The important thing for the mother to do during these growing years +is to retain the confidence of the children, and to give them an +opportunity to become acquainted with the everyday facts about +plants and animals. The questions that come to the child's mind will +be questions of motherhood and babyhood, chiefly, and not questions +of sex or fatherhood. When these questions do at last arise, as they +are sure to almost any time after twelve years, and sometimes even +before, you have a great advantage if your child brings his +questions to you instead of to his casual acquaintances of the +school or street, even if you are not prepared to answer all the +questions for him. The girl will come to her mother, and the boy +will come to his father, if they have acquired the habit of coming +with frankness and confidence. Then, if for any reason you are not +qualified to tell what needs to be told, you may just as frankly say +so and refer the child to the right instructor, who may be a teacher +or the family physician. Older children may even be sent to suitable +books. But the most desirable condition is that in which the parents +have prepared in advance to answer all the questions themselves, and +even to anticipate some questions. + +[Illustration: In the country children become acquainted with the +facts of life.] + +The child should receive instruction along these lines at various +stages in his development, even up to young manhood or womanhood, +corresponding to his physical development and to his mental +development, which normally proceed in close relation to each other. +The girl should be informed how to care for her health. The boy +should be instructed about the sex life of the opposite sex to know +what they have a right to expect, or rather what they have no right +to demand of the other. Boys during the adolescent period, which has +been called the "age of chivalry and romance," are keen to +appreciate the rights of others and their own duties to the weak; it +is at this time that we are to appeal to their sense of honor in +establishing ideals of purity, and the sense of responsibility as +bearers of the life stream. The standards of sex morals are +established during this period, for girls as well as for boys. Their +strength to time of temptation will lie in the ideals which now +become fixed. We want our girls to grow up demanding purity of the +young men they will meet, not pretending that they do not know the +difference. And we want our boys to grow up with faith in the +literal truth of that fine line about Sir Galahad: + +His strength is as the strength of ten, because his heart is pure. + +The parents who wish to prepare themselves with a knowledge of what +to tell their children in place of the old stork fable; of when to +tell, instead of postponing to a dishonest "some other time"; and of +_how_ to tell, instead of in the embarrassing, half-expressed +vagueness, would do well to read some of the abundant literature on +this subject that has been issued in recent years just for our help: +Some of the best titles are given below. + +The following titles, with comments, are taken for the most part +from "A Selected List of Books for Parents," issued by the +Federation for Child Study: + +BIOLOGY OF SEX. By T. W. Galloway. A concise and reliable statement +of fundamental sex facts. + +GIRL AND WOMAN. By Caroline Latimer. Very helpful in understanding +and dealing with the physical, mental and moral disturbances of +girlhood and early womanhood. Some of the recommendations, +particularly regarding physical aspects, are open to question. + +MARRIAGE AND THE SEX PROBLEM. By F. W. Foerster. Emphasis is laid +upon the religious and spiritual sides of the emotional life, upon +training for self-control and the mastery of moods and instincts. + +SEX. By Patrick Geddes and J. Arthur Thompson. The biological +aspects of sex and also interesting chapters on sex education, the +ethics of sex, and sex and society. Good bibliography. + +SEX EDUCATION. By Maurice A. Bigelow. Covers the problems of sex +education and of criticisms of sex education. + +SEX EDUCATION. By Ira S. Wile, M.D. An excellent little volume for +the purpose of assisting parents to banish the difficulties and to +suggest a plan for developing a course in sex education. The chapter +on terminology is most helpful. + +THE SEXUAL LIFE OF A CHILD. By Dr. Albert Moll. An exhaustive study +of the origin and development in childhood and youth, of the acts +and feelings due to sex. Indispensable to anyone interested in sex +education. + +THE SEXUAL QUESTION. By August Forel, M.D., Ph.D., LL.D. Translated +from the German by C. F. MARSHALL, M.D., F.R.C.S. A comprehensive +and reliable study of the subject from biological, historical, +social and hygienic viewpoints. + +TRAINING OF THE YOUNG IN LAWS OF SEX. By the Hon. E. Lyttelton. A +brief presentation, from a lofty point of view of the many phases of +the sex problem as it confronts the boy. + +The following books on sex education were written for children. They +are listed here, not to be put into the hands of the young, but as a +help to parents in supplying methods of approach and a usable +vocabulary: + +THE RENEWAL OF LIFE. By Margaret W. Morley. + +THE SEX SIDE OF LIFE. An Explanation for Young People. By Dr. Mary +Ware Dennett (Pamphlet, published by the author, New York.) + +THE SPARK OF LIFE. By Margaret W. Morley. + +THE THREE GIFTS OF LIFE. By Nellie M. Smith, A.M. + +Special studies in many parts of the country, especially during the +war, have made it clear that girls in the adolescent stage are +definitely aware of the need for clean and trustworthy instruction +on matters pertaining to the relations between the sexes, to the +control of the emotions, to the care of the body during the +menstrual period, and to other problems arising from the facts of +sex. + +It is pathetic, is it not, to have a high-school girl write: "Some +parents are ashamed to tell their girls everything, so that is why I +think they should be told in school." Whose parents had she in mind? + +Another writes: "There are many girls with no mother or very near +female relation that can tell them all they need to know, and if +anything should happen in a girl's life, she does not think it +proper to speak to a male, even if it is her father." Are the girls +who have mothers or "very near female relations" to be none the +better, or happier for it? + +I hope that mothers will not continue in the future, as most have +done in the past, to hesitate about giving such information to their +children. If you are perhaps tempted to feel that you would like to +preserve the child's innocence as long as possible, you have but to +realize that innocence is not the same as ignorance. We are apt to +forget how young we ourselves were when we had obtained one way or +another a large mass of information about reproduction, and even +about sex. The question is not whether a young child should have +this information or not; the question is whether he shall have +correct and pure information, or false and filthy information. For +one or the other he is sure to get. True knowledge is the best +mantle of innocence. + +Much misery is caused, not only for girls, but also for boys, by the +lapses from the path of virtue. If the young man who has gone astray +is in a position to say, "Had I but heeded!" instead of saying, "Had +I but known!" it will make a great difference in the way he will +later feel toward the one person from whom he had a right to expect +protecting knowledge. It is true enough that knowledge alone is not +a sure protection against wrong-doing; but you can have no moral +training without knowledge, and knowledge is the least you can give. + +There is no reason why parents should think of enlightening their +children on this subject as a disagreeable necessity, instead of as +one of the important means through which to be of real help to their +children, and at the same time to help themselves to retain their +hold upon the children. + + + + +XIII. + +THE GOLDEN AGE OF TRANSITION + + +There comes a time in the life of every boy and every girl that +brings a maximum of trials and worry--to the other people. This time +is the golden age of transition from childhood to manhood or +womanhood, the age of adolescence. If you have had annoyance and +hardship with your infants, if the children have perplexed you and +tried you--as you thought, to the limit--you may be sure that there +is more in store for you. For the age of adolescence brings with it +problems and perplexities and annoyances that will make you forget +that it's any trouble at all to look after younger children. + +After years of painstaking attention to all the details of a child's +home surroundings, in the hope that this attention will result in +distinct gains to the child's character, it must be very discouraging +to notice some fine day that Louise is becoming rather finicky about +the food--which is just as good as she has always had--and that Arthur +is inclined to become rather short in speaking to his mother--not to +say impudent. And both are likely to become critical not only about +the food but about a hundred other things that they find at home. And +both are likely to be something not far from impudent in giving +expression to their criticisms. In fact, they will be quite prepared +to undertake the education of their parents, and to tell you with +alarming assurance just how and when to do things, both at home and +abroad. Fortunate, indeed, are the parents who have come to this +critical stage in their education equipped with a sense of humor. + +However, these unexpected and mortifying outbreaks of inconsiderateness +and bad manners do _not_ show that your early efforts have all been in +vain. They do _not_ show that outside influences beyond your control +have perverted your children, or have counteracted your efforts. They +show merely that Louise and Arthur are still growing, and have now +entered upon that most interesting and most significant period of the +new birth. + +It is well, first of all, for the mother--and the father, too--to +realize that this period is a passing one, for this knowledge can +save you many a worried day and many a sleepless night. I do not +mean that when the child comes to this dangerous age you are simply +to let nature and impulse have their way. I mean only that the +problems are to be met with many devices, but not with worry. For we +are coming to understand some of the fundamental causes of the great +changes that occur in the nature of the growing child at this time, +and we are learning, accordingly, better ways of dealing with the +troublesome manifestations of these changes. Not that we can lay +down rules for the proper handling of all adolescents everywhere, +for we can not. Every individual is a problem by himself; but we can +learn a better way of approaching this precious problem, a more +helpful attitude to maintain toward him or her. + +There is a physical basis for the remarkable alterations in the +minds and morals of this age. The infant grows very rapidly at +first, but with a diminishing rate until about the twelfth year. +Then, almost suddenly, the rate of growth increases again, and in +four or five years most children have attained nearly their full +physical growth. Associated with this great physical growth is the +fact that some organs grow much faster than others, so that the +proportions of an adult come to be very different from those of a +child. In the meanwhile, however, there has been a great strain on +the system, because, apart from the demands of the general body +growth, some of the organs have not been able to keep up with the +special demands made upon them. For example, the growth in body +weight and in muscle may proceed more rapidly than the proportionate +growth of the lungs or the liver, or the weight may increase more +rapidly than the proportionate strength of the muscles. Moreover, +the nervous system is developing at a more rapid rate, probably, +than the other systems of organs, and this strain shows itself in +various ways that are disagreeable to adults with fixed habits and +standards. + +All of these changes are intimately bound up with the development of +the sex organs and with the approach of sexual maturity. + +A graceful child becomes awkward and a well-mannered child comes to +act rudely and to speak quite unlike his former self. These changes +are related to the fact that with the development of the nervous +system there arise impulses for hundreds of new kinds of movements +which the child can learn to suppress or to control only with the +passing of time. This is the age at which the child is exposed to +the acquirement of many undesirable muscular habits, such as various +kinds of fidgetings, biting of the finger-nails, twirling of +buttons, wrinkling of the forehead, shruggings, swaying the body, +rolling the tongue, tapping with the fingers or the feet, and so on. +Nearly a thousand of these uncontrolled or "automatic" movements +have been described in children of this age. Of course, any of these +movements that produce sounds or that catch our eye are very +annoying to us, and if we have never nagged before, we are likely to +begin now by saying _Don't this_ and _Don't that_, for we +have never been tempted like this before. But nagging is not what is +called for. + +Are we then to let them keep on annoying others, or are we to leave +them to themselves to make permanent these awkward and disturbing +and often hideous movements? We should do neither. We should +remember that now of all times the boy or girl needs our friendship +and our sympathy; we should let the young person feel that our +objections are not based upon our momentary annoyance, but upon our +concern for the kinds of habits he will acquire; and we should do +what we can to help him break his habit, not insist that he break it +for us. Moreover, it is not certain that all of these fidgetings and +tappings should be suppressed upon their first appearance. Most of +these automatic movements disappear of themselves as the child +matures and learns to direct his nervous energy into channels that +lead to useful actions, as he acquires skill and self-control +through practice in gymnastics or with tools, or musical instruments +or at some games. And while there should be every opportunity to +play games and musical instruments and to handle tools, etc., we +should not be discouraged if, after a whole day of hard exertion in +work and play, there is still some energy left for drumming on the +table or teasing sister or the cat, or for dancing a jig upstairs +and rattling the lamp. + +Closely connected with the rapid development of the nervous system +is the fact of the increasing irritability of temper. This will show +itself every day in a hundred ways. Of course, it is unreasonable, +and, of course, the boy or girl is not to be allowed to become rude +and impatient and domineering. But with this increasing irritability +comes increasing sensitiveness, and it is very easy for you to make +him realize that his conduct is not that becoming a gentleman, or +that his manner has been offensive. He will not give you the +satisfaction, very often, of letting you know that he fully +appreciates your point of view; indeed, he will even make a show of +disputing your position; he will try to argue out a justification +for his conduct, or at least a mitigation. But he knows very well +what his offense is, and is thoroughly ashamed of himself; but he +has to save his face. + +It may be helpful to mothers and fathers, and to others who have to +do with girls and boys of this age, to know that what appears to us +as impudence is very often but an expression of the child's awkward +attempt to hide his discomfiture or embarrassment. This is +especially true in the early stages of adolescence. The boy or girl +is becoming conscious of himself as a person, and resents being +treated as a child; the only way he knows of asserting his +personality is by affecting an air of disdain toward those who +presume to treat him as a child. This swagger is more likely to be +put on when there is a third person present. It is therefore always +safer to reserve your discussions and corrections to the time when +you are alone with your girl or boy, and can place your conversation +on an intimate basis. + +Hand in hand with spells of most irritating self-assertiveness, the +adolescent is subject to spells of most depressing humility and +self-abnegation. Indeed, at every point this period is marked by the +most violent contrasts and alterations of mood. Hours or days of +seeming indifference to all interests and activities will be +followed by keen excitement and enthusiasm. A fit of doubt in his +own ability and worthiness will be followed by almost ludicrous +self-confidence. A feverish desire for constant companionship will +follow a dull and moody search for seclusion and solitude. In +general it is perhaps wisest to ignore these changing moods, except +where they find their outlet in offensive or vicious conduct. We +must remember that it is just as trying to the young person as it is +to the older ones; and, while we may not be prepared to yield our +comfort and our standards to the whims of the girl or boy, we should +seek for adjustment through sympathetic exchange of ideas and +sentiments, and not through arbitrary rules. In any case, these +changing moods need not in themselves be considered occasions for +misgivings and worry about the future development, for they are part +and parcel of the rapid changes in the nervous system. + +So complex is the character of this stage that volumes have been +written about it; it has been recorded in song and in literature, +and has been celebrated in religious ceremonials from ancient times. +If, then, the mother finds it perplexing, and somewhat beyond her +full comprehension, she certainly should not blame herself. + +It has been said that the complexity of the individual during +adolescence is due to the fact that at this time the brain and the +whole body become at last awakened to their manifold capacities, and +that the child now is not only capable of doing everything that a +human being can do, but feels the impulse to do everything. But +manifestly he cannot do all things at once; hence the rapid changes +of impulse and mood. There is a sudden increase in emotions, without +suitable habits for giving them an outlet. There is vague longing +and formless yearning for the child knows not what. Much relief and +satisfaction come from physical exertion, especially for boys. There +is much satisfaction of the emotions from association with others; +hence the growth of the gang and the feeling of kinship. + +Adults, with their limited interests and their appreciation of the +need for specialization in the practical pursuits of life, are often +inclined to look with disfavor upon the growing girl's or boy's +"dabbling" in a hundred different directions. Not content with +athletics and hunting, the boy will want to collect stamps or birds' +eggs, to make a motor-boat and learn telegraphy; to take photographs +and try his hand at the cornet; to experiment in chemistry and stuff +an owl. Not content with dancing, sewing and cooking, the girl will +want to master several poets and make attempts at painting; she will +want to become more proficient at the piano and do some singing; she +will want her share of photography and athletics, and would try her +hand at writing a novel. All these things seem so distracting to us +that we fear either that the young person will become a superficial +dabbler or will fail to settle down to something serious. But much +is to be said in favor of letting every girl and boy do as near to +everything he or she wants to do as possible. Expertness can come +later when a choice of a specialty has been made. Now is the time +for touching life at as many points as possible, for acquiring +breadth of outlook and range of sympathy and interest. Now +especially is the time for trying out the individual's capacities-- +which may lie quite beyond the range of the conventional pursuits of +the family or the neighborhood. It is the time for self-discovery, +and to this end every bit of help that can come from the home and +from the church, from the school and from the community, from direct +experience and from literature, should be utilized. + +The danger of early specialization is shown to us when we +contemplate men and women who have no interests beyond their rather +narrow routine occupations, who have no sympathies beyond their +rather narrow set of intimates, who have no appreciation of human +character and human service beyond the small circle into which they +settled in their teens, and from which they can by no possibility be +drawn. It is because the formation of new habits becomes +increasingly difficult after the sixteenth or seventeenth year that +narrow prejudices and biased opinions should be avoided by +participation in the broadest variety of activities and +associations. Before the conflicting moods and tendencies are +finally welded into a consistent whole the girl or boy should make a +part of his personality as many sources of enthusiasm, as many kinds +of interest, as many lines of sympathy as possible. In a few years +the character begins to "set," and the _size_ of the character +will be in large part determined by the number and variety of +emotional, intellectual, sensory, and muscular elements that have +been developed during this adolescent period. + +One of the characteristics of this age is the tendency to hero +worship. It is so difficult to know in advance what types of heroes +our children are going to select that we are inclined to feel quite +helpless in the matter. But it is safe to say that earlier training +is sure to have its effects, although we cannot always measure the +effect. A boy in whom a keen sense of honor shows itself before +adolescence is not likely to adopt a hero in whom there is a +suspicion of anything sneaky. The new flood of emotions brings with +it a host of new aspirations and new ideals; and some of these are +likely enough to conflict with the older childish ideals. It is +therefore of the utmost importance that the reading--which is +perhaps the chief source of model heroes for most children--should +be of a wholesome kind. This does not mean that the stories must be +about paragons of virtue; the villains of fiction and history have +their value in teaching life and character, and we need not fear +that they will contaminate the minds of the young, for in most +children the instincts may be relied upon to reject the allurement +of the base character. But fiction that is false in its sentiment, +that does not present truthful pictures of life, is likely to give +perverted ideas of human relations and false standards of value. +City children who have access to the theatre often get their heroes +from the stage; and the same thing may be said about the drama as +about fiction. It is only the too highly colored and exaggerated +melodrama that is likely to be objectionable for the impressionable +youth. The moving-picture shows, which are coming to supply so many +of the children with their chief opportunity to learn life, have +been, on the whole, fairly wholesome; and the movement to secure +more adequate censorship of the films will probably leave these +sources of instruction perfectly safe, from a moral point of view, +so far as concerns the knowledge of life that the adolescent gets. +The only real danger from the "movies" and the theatres is likely to +be the cultivation of the habit of passive entertainment. + +And this suggests another source of puzzles of adolescence. In the +alternating moods of excessive exertion and indolence there is the +possibility of girls and boys learning the value of alternation of +work and play and rest. But there is also the danger of acquiring +the habit of resting all the time, and leaving not only the work for +others, but also the activity of play. It is much better for +children to rest because they are tired than because they are lazy. +And, while it is true that the instincts are all for activity, it is +easy enough for the growing individual to acquire the habit of +passive absorption of whatever amusement is provided. It is better, +then, for the young people to get their entertainment out of +theatricals than out of the theatre, out of playing games than out +of watching games, out of having adventures in the woods and in the +water than out of reading about them. And, in every way, the most +reliable safety-valve of the period is constant activity, as this is +the best outlet for the many and conflicting emotions which are the +source of the chief difficulties. When Arthur shows signs of getting +restless it is a great comfort to be able to send him off on some +errand, or to give him a definite task to do. But it is also a great +service to the boy, for while he is at the work there is being used +up the nervous energy that would otherwise appear at the surface as +another "spell." And this principle is just as true for girls as it +is for boys. Only you cannot send the girl to a piece of work +requiring great bodily exertion--nor does she need this so much. + +Work is not only a satisfactory safety-valve for the emotions in +general, but it is especially valuable as a means of diverting the +thoughts and feelings from the growing consciousness of sex. + +One of the reasons why it now becomes more difficult for even +thoughtful and considerate parents to keep in close sympathy with +the boy or girl is this outburst of new and varied interests, which +clamor for movement and color and quick changes. The parent has in +the course of years settled down to a relatively small group of +activities and interests, most of which offer no appeal to the +growing individual. For instance, you would like to come close to +the thoughts and feelings of your growing son or daughter; you +suggest that you take a walk together. Now, it is very nice for a +middle-aged person to take a walk, alone or with a companion; but +the girl or boy sees no sense in taking a walk unless you wish to +get somewhere. The ordinary conversation and gossip that a girl is +likely to hear when you take her to visit a friend is apt to be very +stupid--to the girl. Even where the parents have watched the +expanding soul closely on the one hand, and have kept themselves in +touch with a variety of activities rich in human interests on the +other, they often find that the intimacy with their children is for +a time weakened, and fully restored only after the latter have +passed through these trying years. + +What is likely to be the greatest source of grief on the part of the +parent is the apparent lapse of the growing boy or girl from +standards of honesty and truthfulness with which she has so +solicitously tried to imbue him or her. But this lapse during the +critical growing period is so widespread, so common among boys and +girls who afterward become fine men and women, that special students +of the problem have come to believe that semi-criminality is quite +normal, at least for boys, at this age. Now, while some children are +perhaps by nature incapable of attaining to a satisfactory moral +level, most children will, under suitable surroundings, grow away +from this state of lying and stealing; but under adverse conditions +these distressing features of their behavior may become habitual. +Suitable surroundings and treatment would here consist of the +presence of good models and high ideals, sympathetic help in +resisting temptation, and not in a harsh denunciation of each +unapproved act as evidence of turpitude and perversion. You need not +assume that there _is_ perversion until that is demonstrated +beyond any doubt. For, if the child is morally redeemable, he should +be treated like one who is weak and who needs help until the +difficulties are mastered; otherwise you are likely to encourage in +him the feeling that he is hopeless, and he will relax all effort +for his own self-mastery. + +Along with the emotions related to romantic love there is a rapid +development of the religious side of the nature, of a consciousness +of the race as a whole, of a spirit of chivalry and disinterestedness-- +all emotions that bear a tremendous motive power which needs to be +guided into suitable channels. Never before and never again has the +individual the endurance and the energy for such self-sacrifice, for +such devotion, for such exertion in behalf of the purest of ideals. At +the same time, the increased sensitiveness shrinks from every sneer +and every evidence of misunderstanding or unsympathetic reproof. It is +therefore unwise to tease the girl or boy about the "friend" of the +opposite sex; it is cruel to sneer at their ambitions, and it may be +positively demoralizing to ridicule their ideals. + +A mother of unusual intelligence, who had devoted herself not only +to the routine work connected with her household and the care of her +children, but had made special efforts to keep informed on what was +going on in the world of thought and practical affairs, and who had +a busy life of varied activities, was walking along a city street +with her youngest son--just fifteen. The adolescent, who was rather +free in his comments on what went on around him, made this pretty +little speech to his mother: + +"Mother, I think you have a very petty mind. Here you fuss around +trying to help out that poor V---- family by getting together +clothing for the children, and an odd job for the old man once in a +while. And you have been trying to raise a fund to complete the +education of the W---- boy, and all things of that kind. But all you +have done does not help to solve the problem of poverty." + +The mother, who had indeed been carrying on these various good +works, alongside of many other activities, naturally resented the +criticism of her son. But what she minded most was the "inconsistency" +of the boy when, a few minutes later, they passed a street preacher +with a crowd about him. They could not hear what the man was saying, +but the wise young adolescent remarked, "I wish I had some money to +help that fellow with." + +Now, thinks the mother, what do you know about this man's purposes; +what is he working for? + +The boy did not know; but he wanted to do something "to help the +cause." What cause, he did not know--and did not care; for him it +was enough that here a man is devoting himself to a cause. + +And this incident illustrates nearly everything that makes the +adolescent so puzzling and so exasperating to older people. + +First of all, he had gotten hold of a large idea, which he could not +by any possibility understand in all its bearings; and on the basis +of this he criticises the charitable efforts of his mother and, +indeed, of her whole generation. Not only does he criticise the +prevailing, modes of philanthropic effort, but he condemns these +good people as having "petty" minds--because they do not all see +what he has seen, perhaps for as long as a day or two. His attitude +is not reasoned out, but arises from the deepest feelings of +sympathy for the great tragedy of poverty, which he takes in at one +sweep without patience for the details of individual poor people. +Then the preacher on the street corner, exposing himself to the +gibes and sneers of the unsympathetic crowd, appeals to him +instantly as a self-sacrificing champion of some "cause." It is his +religious feelings, his chivalric feelings, that are reached; he +would himself become a missionary, and the missionary is a hero that +appeals especially to the adolescent. There is no inconsistency +between his disapproval of specific acts of charity and his approval +of the preacher of an unknown cause. In both instances he gives +voice to his feelings for the larger, comprehensive ideals that are +just surging to the surface of his consciousness. + +This is the period in which you will one day complain that the young +person is giving altogether too much time and thought to details of +dress and fashion, only to remonstrate a few days later about his +careless or even slovenly appearance. On the whole, however, the +interest in dress and appearance will grow, because as the +adolescent boy or girl becomes conscious of his own personality he +thinks more and more of the appearance of his person, and especially +of how it appears to others. There is even the danger that the boy +will become a fop or a dandy, and that the girl will take to +overdressing. Argument is of little avail in such cases. The +association with persons of good taste who will arouse the +admiration or affection of the growing child will do more than hours +of sermons. If the boy can realize that one may be a fine man +without wearing the latest style in collars, or if the girl finds a +thoroughly admirable and lovable woman who does not observe the +customs of fashion too much, neither ridicule nor protest will be +necessary. + +In general, the adolescent will give us exercise in patience and in +imagination and in ingenuity. He will puzzle us and perplex us as +well as exasperate us. But if we cannot remember back to our own +golden age, we must try as best we can to believe that even this +will pass away. + + + + +XIV. + +HEREDITY AND ENVIRONMENT + +With special assistance from +BENJAMIN CHARLES GRUENBERG, Ph.D. + + +The frequent appearance of the "black sheep" in a flock of tolerably +white sheep, the frequent failure of the best efforts of parents and +teachers to make a fairly decent man out of a promising boy, have +led many to question whether, after all, the pains and effort are +worth while. We have come to question the wisdom of bothering about +"environment"; just as we sometimes question the existence of a +principle called "heredity." Every day some one asks the question, +"Do you believe in heredity?" And many times a day people discuss, +"Which is more important, heredity or environment?" + +These are certainly _practical_ questions for parents, since +the answers we receive must influence our practice or conduct in +relation to the children. If we felt quite sure that heredity was +everything and environment nothing, we should reduce our school +appropriations and build larger jails and asylums, or we should +resign ourselves as best we could to letting "nature take her +course." On the other hand, if we felt sure that heredity was +nothing and environment everything, we should proceed at once to +double our school equipment, raise the teachers' salaries, convert +our penal institutions into reformatories and our armories into +recreation centres, and advance the age of compulsory education just +as far as we thought we could afford to. + +Those who place the emphasis upon heredity, in the attempt to +discredit the value of thoughtful and painstaking control of the +environment of the developing child, usually remind us that a man +like Lincoln achieved power and distinction in spite of what we +would ordinarily consider serious obstacles to complete development, +whereas thousands of college graduates who have had all the +advantages that trained tutors and guarded surroundings can give +have developed into mediocre men and women--have even developed into +vicious and criminal men and women. They will remind us that from a +class of children that had the same teachers for many years has +emerged a group of very distinct men and women; they will remind us +that brothers and sisters with the identical "environment" turn out +to be so different. + +On the other hand, those who see nothing in "heredity" will point to +the same Lincoln and ask confidently why his ancestors and his +descendants do not show the same degree of power and achievement. +They will point to the same family of brothers and sisters who had +the same "heredity" and ask why they all turned out so differently. +The black sheep proves just as much--and just as little--for one +side of the argument as it does for the other. + +There are, it is true, many people who say that they "do not +believe" in either heredity or environment. Such people see the +difficulties of the disputants and reject both alternatives. They +prefer to say frankly that they do not understand the situation; +that life is too complex to be solved by puny human intellects. Or +they resort to some equally unintelligible explanation, such as +"Fate" or "Nature"--which is but another way of saying that we never +_can_ understand. On the other side stands the scientist who +refuses to shut his eyes to _any_ established facts, and +insists upon trying to understand as much as possible, though he may +never hope to understand all. + +But no one is prepared to say authoritatively that either heredity +or environment is the exclusive or even the predominant factor in +determining the character of the individual. Indeed, the voice of +the scientist, which is the only authoritative voice we have in such +matters, is telling us very plainly that the whole question of +"heredity _or_ environment" is not a real question at all: we +are confronted in every child with a case of heredity _and_ +environment, and the practical question is how to control the latter +so as to get the most from the former. + +To begin, then, in a modest way to understand what is understandable, +in the faith that understanding will grow with thought and +observation, is the first duty of those who are not content to fold +their hands in resignation or despair. We know that we can control +wherever we have real knowledge. The cook knows that she cannot make +roast duck out of pork chops; but she knows also that she can make +palatable and digestible pork chops by proceeding in one way, and that +she can make tough and sickening pork chops out of the same materials +by changing her procedure. In the same way the scientific approach to +the problem of child training teaches us that, while we cannot make a +"swan out of a goose," we can make the gosling into a better goose or +a poorer goose by the treatment we apply to it. + +A frequent source of doubt and misunderstanding is the universal +occurrence of such distinct types among brothers and sisters. The +query at once arises, "Have not these children the same heredity?" +Brothers and sisters have the same ancestors, but not the same +heredity. Recent biological discoveries teach us that the individual +develops from a bundle of units derived from the two parents, but the +units supplied by a parent never represent the totality of the +parents' composition, nor do all the units that are passed on come to +manifest themselves as parts of the character. The parent passes on +sample units from her or his own inheritance, so that no two +combinations are ever exactly alike. It is a commonplace observation +that Johnny may have his maternal grandmother's chin, his paternal +grandmother's eyes, his father's walk, his Uncle George's lips, his +Aunt Mary's sharp tongue, his grandfather's alertness, and his +mother's good judgment. Of course, he has _not_ his grandmother's eyes +or his uncle's lips: these relatives still retain their respective +facial organs, and his father still has his quick temper. What Johnny +has inherited is a something, perhaps in the nature of a ferment, +which _determines_ the color of his eyes, a certain something that +makes his lips develop into that particular shape, a certain something +that causes his brain to respond to annoyance in the same manner as +that of his Aunt Mary's. And the various ancestors and relatives have +received from their parents similar determining factors that have +manifested themselves in similar peculiarities. We do not inherit from +our relatives, or even from our parents: we are built up of the same +elements as those of which our relatives are built, but each one of us +has received his individual combination of factors. Hence, no two +brothers or sisters are exactly alike, although they have the same +parents and the same ancestors. + +While it is universally recognized that no two individuals are +exactly alike, we are not at all clear in our minds as to whether +the important differences arise from differences in experience or +_nurture_, or from essential differences in _nature_. We +know that children of the same parents are essentially different +from birth, and that no matter how similar the treatment they +receive afterward they will always remain different, or even become +more different as they become older. It is becoming more clear every +day, as a result of scientific study, that every individual is +absolutely unique, excepting only "true" twins. + +If we accept this individuality of the person as a fact, what, then, +is the importance of training or environment? Does not this +admission settle at once the contention of those who see no value at +all in a carefully-controlled environment? If this child is +_born_ without mathematical ability, what is the use of +drumming arithmetic into his head; or, if he is _born_ with +musical genius, why should we bother about teaching him music?--he +will "take" to it naturally. + +The answer to these and similar questions is to be found in the +answer to another question, namely, "What is it precisely that the +child is born with?" Surely no child is ever born with the ability +to dance or sing or to do sums in algebra. When we say that a child +has musical genius we mean merely that as he develops we may notice +in him a certain capacity to acquire musical knowledge more readily +than most other children do, or a certain disposition to express +himself in melody, or a certain liking for music in some form, or a +certain readiness to acquire control of musical instruments. In +other words, the child is born with a capacity for acquiring certain +things, from the outside, that is, from the environment--he is born +with certain possibilities, which can become actualities only if the +suitable conditions are provided. In the same way one child is born +with a capacity for exceptional muscular development, and another +for exceptional self-mastery. But in every case practice makes +perfect, the muscles must be properly nourished and exercised, the +will must be trained--and that means suitable environment. + +Now, while every individual is unique, not every child is a born +genius. The distinctiveness of each child lies in the fact that he +consists of a _combination_ of capacities and tendencies, each +of which varies in degree when compared with other individuals. For +example, Evelyn has about the same capacity for physical work as +Annie, but she stands lower than the latter in arithmetic and higher +in language work. John shows about the same physical power as Henry, +when measured by running and jumping and chinning; but John can hit +the ball with his bat more times out of a hundred than Henry can, +whereas Henry can hit the bull's-eye with his rifle more times out +of a hundred than John can. In a thousand details any two children +differ from each other, one excelling in nearly half of the points, +the other excelling perhaps in about as many, and the two standing +almost exactly alike in some matters. + +A child that excels most of his colleagues in one or a few points is +said to have marked ability in that direction--as the exceptional +athlete, or the child with exceptional literary or moral feeling. On +the other hand, a child that seems to measure well up to the average +in most points, and even to excel in a few, may fall far short in +some matters,--that is, may be deficient. Thus a perfectly good +child in every other way may be unable to master the ordinary +requirements in arithmetic, or a child may have an entirely +satisfactory development in every way and be deficient in musical +discrimination. + +Another kind of difference is to be found in what may be called +general capacity. Some children show higher capacity than the +average along nearly every line that can be measured or tested, +without showing a preponderance in any one direction. Such children +are said to be of high grade, or of high "vitality." In the same way +many children are below the average in nearly every line, without +being particularly defective along any one line. They can do one +thing about as well as another, just as the high-grade boys and +girls can do one thing about as well as another; but in the former +there is a limit to the possible development which is exceeded in +the latter. Among both classes of children the full development +depends upon suitable environment, but what is suitable for one may +not be suitable for the other. + +From a consideration of these differences in degree and difference +in kind we may see that there is no course of training or treatment, +no method of instruction, no trick for the mother or for the teacher +that will be usable for all children under all circumstances, to +make them all come up to some preconceived uniform standard. On the +other hand, if we consider the differences as worth developing, and +even emphasizing, it must be obvious that the training and the +treatment should be adapted to the individual child so far as +possible. Starting out with essentially different human beings, +uniform treatment will not make them all alike, nor will _any_ +treatment make them all alike. But starting out with a particular +human being, we can learn to treat him in such a way as to make him +develop into a more desirable person than he would become if he were +neglected or if he were treated differently. And that is the main +problem, after all. + +The relation between heredity and environment may perhaps be made +clear by an extreme illustration from the physical side. Here are +two full-grown men, both five feet and four inches tall. We observe +that they are both short. Now, the shortness of one of them turns +out to be the result of heredity,--that is, he belongs to a strain +of short people. No amount of feeding or of exercise or of special +régime could have made him more than a quarter or half an inch +taller. The other man, however, belongs to a race of rather taller +men and women: his shortness of stature may be traced to +undernutrition, or to overwork, or to sickness during his childhood. +It is quite certain that a different kind of environment would have +resulted in his being as tall as his brothers and sisters. + +Now, the problem of training concerns itself practically not so much +with the person who is particularly "long" by nature, nor so much +with the person who is unusually "short" by nature--and we may apply +"long" and "short" to every other trait as well as to stature. The +problem with these extremes is simply to keep the child in good +health. The special efforts of the teacher and of the parent are +devoted to giving the child who appears somewhat below the average +in some particular those special stimulations and exercises and +feedings that will bring him up to the average. We find the +extremely short too discouraging, and the extremely long do not +clamor for our attention; but it is those near the middle-point that +we want to help over to the other side of the dividing line. And +this is just as true of an undesirable character as it is of a +desirable one. We take no trouble to teach honesty to the child that +seems instinctively honest; and we give up in despair with the child +that convinces us of his utter lack of a moral sense: we concentrate +our efforts upon the delinquents whom we catch early, or upon those +who are in danger of sliding down if they are not helped along. + +Perhaps one reason for the great confusion on this subject arises out +of the fact that we have become accustomed to making a sharp +distinction between physical characters on the one hand and so-called +mental and moral qualities on the other. Every one recognizes family +resemblances in physical features. A particular shape of nose or a +peculiarity of the hand appears in every member of the family, +sometimes for several successive generations. Facts like these we +accept as evidence of "heredity" without any question. We also +recognize that the Joneses of Centerville always take the measles +"hard," whereas with the Andersons vaccination never "takes." But when +it comes to mental qualities, which we are not accustomed to measure +or to recognize with the same degree of discrimination, most of us +fail to see that heredity is just as common for these as for physical +traits. Moreover, mental qualities take on such a great variety of +forms that their recognition is made doubly difficult. Thus it may be +the same mental traits that make of a certain man a successful lawyer, +of his brother an able scientist, and of their cousin a clever +criminal. No doubt each of these three men has qualities in a degree +lacking in the others; but the point is that they have many qualities +in common which are obscured by the different lines of development +they have followed. + +The old parable of the wheat cast upon the ground may help us. That +which falls upon stony ground fails of germination; that which falls +upon poor soil will germinate, but will die of drought or be +scorched by the sun; that which falls upon good soil will develop +into a good plant. The _kind_ of plant that may develop is +determined by the seed, by heredity; _how_ the plant will +develop is determined by the surrounding conditions, by the +environment. On the physical side these facts are so familiar to us +that we never question the connection between development and food, +or between development and exercise, or between development and +other physical conditions. Of course, we say, an undernourished +child will never be strong; of course, an overworked child will +never be strong, of course, drinking and smoking and other +dissipation will prevent healthy development. And yet, do we not +know that of two underfed children, one will show the ill effects +more than the other; that of two overworked children, one will +survive abuse with less permanent injury than the other. + +We must, then, have clear in our minds the idea that everything that +happens to a child and that may produce a reaction or an effect is +worth considering from the point of view of its influence upon his +development. Indeed, instead of discussing heredity _versus_ +environment, we should try to conceive of the personality of the +child as made up of the effect of a certain heredity responding to a +certain environment. For example, the child inherits the instinct to +handle things. At a certain age this instinct will take the form of +handling objects within reach, and of breaking them. We cannot say +that the child has an instinct for breaking vases or tearing books; +he has simply the instinct to _do_ something with material that +he can handle. Now, it is possible for the child to exercise this +instinct only on material that can be broken or torn; it is also +possible for the child to exercise it on material that can be +manipulated constructively--as blocks for building, clay for +shaping, or, later, tools of various kinds. In one case the child +establishes habits of tearing or breaking; in the other the same +instincts--the same "heredity," that is--issues in habits of +_making_. Or we may take the instinct of curiosity, which every +normal child will manifest at an early stage. This instinct may find +exercise in wondering what is in parcels or closed cupboards; or it +may exercise itself in wondering about the thunder and the flowers +and the things under the earth; or it may be quite suppressed by +discouragement or by unsatisfying indulgence. Thus the same instinct +may lead under different treatments to different results. This does +not mean that every child has the making of an investigator; it +means that a perfectly healthy instinct capable of being turned to +good use is often perverted or crushed out because we have not +learned to cultivate it profitably through control of the growing +child's development. + +There is abundant evidence that the mental and moral capacities are +inherited in the same way as the purely physical or physiological +ones. We have, however, much more to learn about how to control the +development of the former than about the control of the latter. Yet +this point should be clear to every parent and teacher; whatever the +child's inheritance may be, the full development of his capacities +is possible only under suitable external conditions. What these +conditions are depends upon the combination of capacities that the +particular child possesses. But to find out what these capacities +are we must give the child an opportunity to show "what's in him." +This we can do by placing him in an environment simple enough for +him to adjust himself to readily, and at the same time complex +enough to give every side of his nature a chance to respond. This is +the significance of modern educational movements that seek to leave +the child untrammelled in his responses to what goes on around him. +We have learned that some children will become tall and that others +will never reach beyond a certain height; we seek merely to keep +them healthy by suitable feeding, exercise, rest, bathing, etc. But +in the matter of mental development we have not yet learned that it +is impossible for all children to reach the same degree of +linguistic or mathematical or artistic development, and we try to +bring all of them up to our preconceived standard of what a child +_should_ do in each line. The thing that we need to find out is +what a particular child _can_ do; and then we must give him the +opportunity and the encouragement to do his best. The things we +encourage him to do will be the basis for the habits which he will +form, for the skill which he will acquire--and so for the activities +that will yield him satisfaction and determine his behavior in +relation to others. That is, the things the child learns to do well +will determine what kind of a person he will be when he grows up. + +But it would be a mistake to suppose that every child is born with a +set of special aptitudes that fit him for some particular occupation. +Many children do indeed have rather special types of native ability, +as the child of artistic proclivities, or the "natural born" preacher. +And, on the other hand, many children are born with marked +shortcomings in their makeup, although these "deficiencies" need not +always interfere with their developing into excellent men and women. +For example, a child may be color-blind, or incapable of mastering a +foreign language in school, or awkward in doing work requiring great +skill--and yet capable of doing high-grade work in other lines. Those +children that have strongly-marked proclivities--which usually show +themselves early in life and which are commonly associated with strong +likes and dislikes--will no doubt do the most effective work along the +lines of their native talents. And those with marked deficiencies +should certainly not be directed into occupations wherein the lacking +talents are essential for success. But the great mass of children vary +from each other not so much in the directions along which their +special abilities lie as in the degree to which they are capable of +developing the ordinary abilities which they do have. For such +children the choice of an occupation cannot wisely be made very early +in life, nor should a very special choice be made until there has been +an opportunity to try out a large variety of activities and processes. +Indeed, even for the child of decided genius it is desirable that +there be a chance to try out many kinds of activities, both physical +and mental. This is desirable not so much in the hope of counteracting +his special bent on the theory of supplying exercise for the functions +that are not to his liking as for the purpose of giving him an +opportunity to find out _all_ he can do, and to give us a chance to +find out all he can do well. + +Even children who pass as "average" children, however, may be +divided into classes according to the variations in their native +capacities. That is to say, some children, although not exhibiting +any special talents or special deficiencies, are nevertheless more +easily adjusted to doing muscular work than others; some are more +happy in the manipulation of numbers; some show greater patience; +some are more easily fatigued by the repetition of a process; some +cannot stand on their feet for long periods without suffering, and +so on. These differences should certainly be taken into +consideration, first of all, in the treatment accorded them in the +school and at home, in what is required of them, in the selection of +studies, etc. And, in the second place, these facts should be +considered in the choice of general fields of occupation. It would +be the height of cruelty and of injustice to insist upon Walter's +preparing for and entering his father's business--just to keep up +the family tradition--when a little attention to the boy's work in +school and to his play and to his personal preferences and tastes +would show that he was eminently unsuited for the business, and at +the same time well suited for some technical pursuit such as +engineering. Untold misery and failure spring from our negligence in +these matters, no less than from our direction of the child's +development in accordance with the parents' ambitions rather than in +accordance with the child's discoverable abilities and disabilities. + +How far short our ordinary training falls of giving our various +capacities their full development is shown by the exquisite +acuteness of touch and of hearing acquired by children who become +blind in infancy. The senses of touch and hearing are here developed +so far beyond what ordinary persons ever attain that the belief is +quite common that one who is defective in one sense has been +compensated by "nature" with special capacity in the other senses. +As a matter of fact, however, the extreme development is not the +result of special endowment or "heredity," but altogether the result +of special training or "environment." + +There is a certain sense in which the idea of heredity impresses one +with a paralyzing feeling of inevitableness. When a child is born +his sex is irrevocably fixed; the character of his eyes and of his +hair, the form of his features and the ridges on his finger-tips are +unalterable except through mutilation or disease. But up to a +certain limit the child will grow just in proportion to the nurture +that he receives. And what that limit is we may not know until we +find out through years of patient effort, through endless trying out +in every direction. He will grow farther in some directions than in +others, and the _limit_ in each direction is the element of +destiny supplied by heredity. Very few, however, reach their limit +in many directions, and no person has ever reached his limit in +every direction. The distance we do actually go depends, in +practice, altogether upon the kind of environment that is supplied. +This environment, so far as the growing child is concerned, is +entirely within our control, and we have no right to give up our +efforts and to shift the responsibility to unsatisfactory heredity +until we are quite sure that all has been done that suitable +surroundings and treatment--suitable "environment"--can do. We must +watch and wait, and work hard while we wait and watch. + + + + +XV. + +FREEDOM AND DISCIPLINE + + +Is it not strange that "school," which we provide for our beloved +children for their own good, at so great a cost of thought and +money, should be so little appreciated by them? Is it not strange +that "school," which is intended to give power and freedom, should +be looked upon by the children as no better than a prison--a good +place from which to escape? + +We grown folks know how valuable school and training and discipline +are. Do we not sometimes sigh that we had not more of these +blessings in our own childhood? Or that we did not take advantage of +the little we had? If the children only knew--perhaps they would not +so eagerly seek to escape into what they vainly imagine to be +"freedom." Perhaps. + +Grown folks who have thought about the matter know, of course, that +"freedom" is something different from merely being left alone. They +know that freedom is a state to be attained only through effort. +They know that freedom results from a discipline which makes a +person the master of his impulses, instead of leaving him their +slave. They know that the freedom worth striving for is freedom from +our own caprices and moods, from our blindness and ignorance and +passions. It is for this reason that we value discipline, quite +apart from anything that it may contribute to our ability to live +harmoniously with others, quite apart from anything it may do to +increase our power in an economic sense. + +But if discipline is the means for attaining freedom, how does it +come about that in the past (and for most people to-day) discipline +has appeared as a method of _compelling_ children to do the +right thing--"until they have the habit"? How does it come about +that discipline, in the minds of most people, consists so largely of +_restraining_ children from doing undesirable acts--until they +are well started into the safe age of discretion? The reason seems +to be that the need for discipline or training makes itself most +quickly felt where children--or older people--infringe upon the +rights of others, or upon the proprieties. We miss discipline where +a child fails of self-restraint, acts impulsively, or loses his +temper. In short, failure of early training is indicated wherever +there is lack of self-control, or a lack of proper application to +the business in hand. It is therefore natural that discipline should +early take the form of commanding and prohibiting. + +It is but a short step from this view of discipline to the +philosophy that what children do spontaneously, what they like to +do, must be wrong. And the complement to this is the feeling that +virtue and character can arise only from doing what is disagreeable +or difficult. + +But the newer studies in the psychology of childhood lead to a +totally different theory of character formation. And many +experiments made in schools and institutions confirm these new +theories at every point. Moreover, if we look about, perhaps even in +our own homes, I am sure we can all find abundant support for the +modern view. + +The new studies have to do with the relation that our emotions bear +to our activities and especially to the formation of habits. To +learn to do a thing, we have known for ages, we must practise +continuously and uniformly. But we did not know that the state of +feelings connected with the performance of the act had anything to +do with the result. Richard must master the scales in his music +study. These scales can be mastered in only one way--he must play +them over and over and over again, until he just has them. But +suppose Richard does not care to practise the scales over and over +and over again? Suppose that he does not care whether he ever +masters the scales or not. Well, he can be _made_ to practise, +at any rate; and perhaps some day he will thank his elders for +having thus forced upon him the extremely valuable but unappreciated +command of the scales. + +But what happens in the course of this forced practise? There is +resentment, and antagonism and a growing hatred of scales, of the +man who first vented scales, of sloping rows of notes on the page of +music. And this resentment is more likely to prevent a real mastery +of the task than the enforced practise is to ensure it. The +antagonism will, at any rate, counteract the value of the practise +to a large degree. The third element in the fixation of habits that +we have heretofore too generally disregarded is that of +_satisfaction_; this is no less important than regularity and +frequency of action. + +The absence of satisfaction, to say nothing of the presence of +opposite feelings, is of itself sufficient to prevent effective +learning, whether of knowledge or of skill. And when the opposite +feelings are present, the acquired act or idea tends to be pushed +out of the system at the earliest opportunity. It is in some such +way as this that many specialists in the workings of the human mind +would explain so much of our "forgetting." They say that we forget +either because we really wish to forget--the facts are unpleasant-- +or because we do not sufficiently care to remember--the facts are +not sufficiently interesting, they do not sufficiently concern us. + +Out of the psychological facts pertaining to the relation of the +feeling state to the learning process and to the habit-forming +process, is developed the doctrine of "interest" in education. The +very name "interest" suggests to many that this must be some plan +for sugar-coating education, or perhaps for giving children only +what they like. And this is quite the opposite of the traditional +view which is expressed by the humorist who said, "It does not +matter much what you teach a boy, so long as he doesn't like it." +But the idea of interest in modern psychology does not mean letting +the child have his own way, any more than discipline means doing +only what is unpleasant or difficult. + +We can see the basic truth at the foundation of this view in the +age-long usage of the race, which awards prizes and penalties for +"good" actions and "evil" actions, respectively. If you should be +asked "_Why_ did you reward Maryann," "_Why_ did you punish Henry;" +you would no doubt say something like this: If we reward a child for +doing what we approve, he is more likely to do that sort of thing +again; if we punish, or impose unpleasant consequences, upon acts that +we disapprove, such acts are less likely to be repeated. In other +words, we have known right along that _satisfaction_ somehow leads the +child to repeat the conditions that brought about the satisfaction; +and that suffering somehow leads the child to avoid the conditions +that brought about the suffering. + +What the new psychology does here is to unify what we have known. We +say not the performance of an act alone will establish a habit; not +the repetition alone will establish it; not the subsequent +satisfaction alone. All of these factors must take part, and they +must take part in association. The feeling must accompany the act. +It is not sufficient that Richard be assured that some time in the +vague future he will derive deep satisfaction from being master of +the scales; he must somehow be made to feel a present concern either +in what he is doing, or a real interest in the outcome. The time +that is to elapse between the beginning of his "practice" and the +satisfaction he is to receive must not be beyond the child's power +to appreciate. + +In our actual dealing with children our experience leads us to make +use of these principles, often without realizing all that is +implied. For example, when the young child by your side shows signs +of weariness, and you still have some distance to go, you try to +stimulate his interest by telling him of the good things to come at +journey's end. If this does not serve your purpose, you draw his +attention to the bird on the tree only a hundred feet away, or you +challenge him to race with you to the next telegraph post. And if +you challenge him to such a race, you are sensible enough to let him +win it, for you know very well that nothing will discourage him so +much as defeat--that is, the unpleasant feeling of failure; and you +know that nothing will stimulate him quite as much as the +satisfaction of defeating you. In other words, you set before him +one goal after another, each but a small fraction of the main +journey, and each within the appreciation of the child, and each +offering a satisfactory conclusion that is readily and eagerly +seized as _worth striving for_, here and now. + +Now it may be asked, what discipline is there in doing always what +brings satisfaction? How can the children ever learn to do the +disagreeable but necessary tasks that make up so large a part of +every-day living? Where will they ever learn that some things must +be done, not because we like to do them, but because it is our duty +to do them? And these are indeed serious questions. There are two +sets of answers. One of them consists of the results actually +achieved in dealing with children from the new point of view. The +other is a challenge to make clear just what we mean by discipline +and task and duty. + +To take the latter first, is it not true that one part of our object +is in the form of acquired knowledge and acquired skill? Practising +the scales, or studying the multiplication table is not an end in +itself. We require study and practice because we believe that the +knowledge or the skill is worth having. Now it has been shown over +and over again that what is learned with satisfaction sticks; and +what is learned with pain is thrown overboard the first minute the +watchman is off his guard. Are the names of writers with the titles +of their books less well remembered by children who learn them +through the game of "Authors" than they are by children who might be +required to memorize them from a catalog? Are the sums and products +of numbers acquired in keeping scores of games less accurate and +less permanent in the mind of the child than the same sums and +products learned as school exercises? Is the skill acquired in +handling tools--sewing costumes, or making scenery for an amateur +play--any less effective or less lasting than the skill acquired in +sewing yards of stitches or sawing yards of board just for +"exercise" in a class? On the contrary, other things being equal, +arithmetic and authors and sewing and tinkering can be made both +more effective and more lasting when associated with pleasurable +feelings than when performed under strain, compulsion and +resentment. If it is only a question of "learning" this or that, +there is no doubt that the pleasant way is in every respect the +better way. + +But, of course, it is not merely a question of learning the specific +skill or knowledge. There is also the need for learning application, +persistence through difficulties, endurance, and the other hardy +virtues that distinguish a disciplined character. And here the +contrast between the old attitude and the new is most marked. We can +certainly force children to do what is disagreeable; we can hold +them to their tasks when they are tempted to abandon the monotonous +and wearisome round of uninteresting drudgery. But is this the only +way to get for the children experience with such necessary, though +unpleasant, work? We are assuming of course that such experience is +necessary, since uninteresting work cannot be separated from most +important undertakings. A typical experience in a school that has +for several years conducted a class along the lines of the newer +psychology can answer our question. + +One of the difficulties that had to be overcome was the mastery of +simple addition. Another was the art of writing; and of course +reading is a necessary art of modern life. Instead of the usual +drill and practice and exercises, this class passed through the +drudgery stage without realizing that school was a prison. This was +during the autumn of the Armistice. Food conservation and thrift +were in the air. These children were presented with a quantity of +garden vegetables, but there was more than they could use +themselves, so the suggestion was made that they could have the +surplus for future use. The children, under guidance, did all the +work connected with cold-pack canning of the tomatoes. This work was +not at every point "interesting," in the superficial sense; but the +purpose of the entire project was one that appealed to the children, +so that they were quite satisfied to do the many essential details. +Did they not here learn to clean their dishes and jars as well as +they would have done had the cleaning been a "duty" imposed +arbitrarily from above? Must drudgery be dreaded to be well done? + +Let the teacher who had charge of this class describe what happened, +in her own words. + +"The success of the first small group in carrying through the +various steps ... led to further work of the same sort, as various +vegetables were given us. The children also dried apples and lima +beans which they gathered themselves at the school farm. + +"That the interest in this rather exacting work was sustained for +two months was doubtless due to the fact that the children had a +genuine purpose in canning a large quantity of vegetables. For early +in the work, upon the suggestion of one of the class, it had been +decided to have a sale and use the proceeds to buy milk for a sick +baby. Although I had not thought of this plan myself, I was glad to +lend it my support. + +"The final preparation for the sale occupied a large share of the +time for several weeks. The chief consideration from the children's +point of view seemed to be who should take charge of the business of +selling. They had conducted a play store intermittently during the +fall, but, upon testing, it was found that most of the class were +ill prepared to act as salespeople.[A] The children readily +recognized this fact and willingly went to work to drill on addition +and subtraction. The most successful drill was accomplished by means +of a dramatic rehearsal of the forthcoming sale, some children +impersonating the visitors and the others the salesmen. Real money, +correct prices, and the actual jars of vegetables and fruit were +used for this play. + +[Footnote A: Remember these were second-grade children--most of them +seven or eight years old.] + +"The need of invitations, of price lists, and of bookkeepers the day +of the sale, was also recognized and led to much needed practice in +written English. The prices were determined by a study of the latest +food catalog, a small group with a teacher undertaking this work. It +necessitated the use of an alphabetical index, and in some cases the +calculation of the price of pints, when only quarts were listed, as +we had used both pint and quart jars. + +"Further preparation consisted of the making of labels for the jars +and of posters for the room. The art teacher, when called in to +advise, taught the children how to make accurate square letters, +which they used in various sizes for the labels and posters. The +making of fifty or more small labels with half-inch letters proved +irksome to the little people, but they showed much persistence in +completing the task, because of their interest in the sale. The +eight children who made the final large posters did a great deal of +intelligent, painstaking work. From the artistic point of view, the +posters were not noteworthy, but they represented the children's own +suggestions. + +"The sale was conducted by the children, who made their own change, +kept records of sales and wrapped up purchases. The various duties +were agreed upon by the class, in accordance with each one's proved +ability to carry them out, and everyone had some share." + +In this simple account of an experimental class conducted at the +Ethical Culture School, in New York, under the direction of Miss +Mabel R. Goodlander, are many references to drill and practice. But +throughout all of the work it was possible to maintain the interest +of the children because, apparently, the attention was not on the +drill as an end in itself, but upon the special skill or knowledge +as a means to a more remote end. And this remote end was not the +formal one of "passing," or being promoted, or getting a good mark, +but the vital, urgent purpose of raising money through the sale for +a sick baby's milk. Undoubtedly the "motives" of the several +children in this class were varied and mixed--like the motives of +good citizens who are united in support of a particular candidate, +or a particular platform. But there was enough common purpose to +insure cooperation and persistence and effort from every single +child in proportion to his ability. The learning of stupid sums and +the practice in penmanship are no more attractive to these children +than they are to ordinary children in ordinary schools in all parts +of the country. But they overcame all internal obstacles, went +through with all of the monotony and drudgery, and to that extent +triumphed over any disposition to shirk or to loaf or to dawdle or +to flit from work to sensation. + +And how is it with the learning of responsibility, with acquiring a +sense of duty? Many of us have no doubt learned what we have learned +of duty and responsibility, through the constant repetition of "Thou +shalt" and "Thou shalt not" by our elders during our own growing +years. But results at least as valuable have been obtained in the +cases of others through the constant rubbing up against their equals +in a free give-and-take atmosphere. Children learn to live with +others by living with others. They learn to work with others--to +"cooperate"--by working with others. They learn to play the game, to +do teamwork, to play fair, to play in good form, to hit hard only by +playing according to rule, with others, with worthy opponents, under +good supervision. In short, the "discipline" that makes for power +and freedom may be quite as easily obtained through the exercise of +freedom as through external coercion--nay, more easily, and more +effectively. + +It is fair to ask whether training for a game is not quite analogous +to our idea of training for life; and whether the methods which are +found to be effective in the former kind of training are not equally +valuable for the latter. Assuming the analogy, would you have a child +learn the rules of such games as baseball or tennis from a book before +allowing him to handle a ball, or before letting him see a game? Would +you expect him to cooperate in teamwork after a long period of +drill upon the _rules_ governing team cooperation? Would you expect +him to hit hard because he has learned the correct answer to the +question, How should a player hit? + +This may not seem a fair comparison to some of the "training" that +has actually been tried. Perhaps a more familiar analogy would be in +teaching a child correct movements for the game to be mastered, +separated from any experience with real games. Boys are "practicing" +for a game, and each one is drilling on some special detail, +hitting, catching, running bases, long throws, or what not; each one +of them has in mind as part of his moving purpose not only his +team's success and glory, but his own individual responsibility. +Contrast this with the same boys required to drill at precisely the +same movements on the theory that the "exercise" will do them good, +or that some time in the future they might have to meet a situation +in which a long throw or a swift run would be significant. Do you +expect the same enthusiasm and energy to be developed in both cases? +And if not the same enthusiasm and energy, can we expect the same +results--whether we view the results as so much skill or technic, +whether we view the results as so much "training in drudgery," or +whether we consider the results from the viewpoint of moral values +as so much devotion, self-sacrifice, restraint? The "moral" values +that have been for years attributed to athletics appear after all to +be the effects of intense, enthusiastic, and interested +participation in teamwork--that is, in purposeful and energetic +concern with joint undertakings. + +The responsibilities we wish to develop, the sense of duty, no less +than the application and persistence, no less than knowledge and +skill, are types of habits which are best formed under the glow of +satisfying experience. Far from assuming a soft life for the child, +the idea of interest assumes the most strenuous kind of life. And +the experiences of all who have tried it justifies the assumption. +The experimental class already mentioned, similar experiments by +Mrs. Marietta Johnson at Fairhope, Alabama and elsewhere, +experimental classes at the Lincoln School and at the Horace Mann +School, at various "play" schools in this country and in England, +all show more continuous application of the children to whatever +they happen to have in hand, longer periods of intense activity, and +no sign whatever of loafing or shirking. The activities selected by +the children themselves involve just as much "discipline" as +anything that can be selected for them. + +In these schools the children never hear the teacher call for +"attention," for although everybody knows that attention is an +essential of effective work, the attention takes care of itself +where the children already feel a genuine concern in the outcome. +And this concern insures satisfactory application, since the +children look forward to satisfying results. This does not mean, of +course, that either the work itself or the result is necessarily +"pleasant," in the ordinary sense. Often, indeed, it is quite the +reverse, as when the racer is exerting every last reserve of his +energy in the final spurt, or when the contestants are in suspense +awaiting the decision of the judges as to which is the best cake. +And the endless grind of practice and preparation is no more +"pleasant" to the child who knows the purpose and approves the +purpose of his efforts (having taken part in selecting the +undertaking) than similar exertion is to the child whose work is all +planned and directed by outsiders; but the satisfactions connected +with the exertions are different in the two cases, and the +corresponding results are correspondingly different. + +The principle of interest as a guide to the training of children can +be applied in the home as well as in the school. It means, first of +all, taking into account the interests, tastes, preferences of the +children. As has already been suggested in earlier chapters, there +are many occasions when the child may be consulted or given a choice +of action, of amusements, of purchases, and so on--situations in +which it is a matter of indifference to older people, but in which +the making of a decision or a choice is both satisfying and valuable +to the child. Even where the decision is not an indifferent one, our +own should not be imposed in an arbitrary manner; when it differs +from that of the child, we can get his assent and cooperation, where +an arbitrary choice leaves him cold or even resentful. + +The games children play, whether by themselves or with other +children, are only in part manifestations of tastes: they represent +to a degree stages of development. For the reason, therefore, that +interests develop, we shall find that what is a favorable time for +one child is not necessarily a favorable time for another child to +learn a particular thing. This is very well shown by the great +differences found among children, as to learning school subjects +like reading or writing. In some the interest is aroused very early, +and for them this is the best time; with others the interest does +not appear until the third or fourth grade, or even later, and for +such children this is the best time. There is no one period that is +best for all children; by attempting to treat all alike, therefore, +we not only waste a great deal of energy and good feeling, but we +often defeat our purpose by antagonizing the children and thus +making them resist the very things we want them to hug to +themselves. And this is just as true of what we try to do in the +home as it is of school teaching. + +To discover the interests of the children requires that they be +given an opportunity to express themselves. This means in most cases +much more freedom than children have heretofore enjoyed. But it +means also constant vigilance on the part of the elders, not so much +to guard against the freedom being abused, as to guard against the +opportunity being wasted. The taste in games or in reading, the +choice of companions or of leisure time occupations must not only +show themselves to be indulged; they must be seized upon by those +who guide the children, as means for giving drive and direction to +further development. A child who devotes too much time to athletics +and too little to literature, may be drawn to reading through books +about athletic contests of the classics, or through modern stories +of college life. On the other hand, the boy who is prone to get his +satisfactions vicariously and to neglect active participation in +games and other activities, must be led through his reading, +properly selected and unostentatiously placed under his nose, to +more direct concern with producing practical effects in his +environment. The interest, once discovered, must be the means for +stimulating to greater exertion and to closer unification of the +child's activities. + +One of the things that presents a difficulty in every generation is +the fact that the social and moral ideals change from age to age. We +are thus constantly tempted to put into the characters of our +children those traits that were valued highly by our parents, +without always considering the importance of each item for the days +in which our children will play their parts. Thus it comes about +that many of the virtues that have a traditional value may be +questioned when offered as staples for citizens of to-morrow. +Obedience, for example, is a permanent necessity in a society that +rests upon the assumption that one or a few chosen men represent the +will of the gods on earth, but has only a transitory value in a +democracy. As someone has said, obedience in childhood must be +considered as a scaffold that is useful while the lasting parts of +the structure are being put in place; when the desired structure is +completed, obedience is naturally removed as of no further service. +Now the kind of discipline required in a democracy calls for an +attitude or disposition that makes cooperation with others come as a +matter of course; it calls for the making of decisions, or the +forming of opinions, on the basis of facts; and it calls for the +habit of taking due account of the rights of others. The training +for this class of habits is best obtained through methods that take +full account of children's interests. + +Just as the older outlook turned to "discipline" as a means for +obtaining freedom, the new psychology utilizes freedom as a means +for obtaining discipline. In both cases the end is of course the +same--that is, the liberation of the human spirit and the organizing +of the individual's powers to the greatest good. But as our ideas of +human relations and of values have changed, science has given us new +methods for attaining the final goals that we set ourselves. + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Your Child: Today and Tomorrow, by +Sidonie Matzner Gruenberg + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK YOUR CHILD: TODAY AND TOMORROW *** + +***** This file should be named 9917-8.txt or 9917-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/9/9/1/9917/ + +Produced by Stan Goodman, Anne Folland, Tom Allen and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/9917-8.zip b/9917-8.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d8ba860 --- /dev/null +++ b/9917-8.zip diff --git a/9917.txt b/9917.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bb2800a --- /dev/null +++ b/9917.txt @@ -0,0 +1,6105 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Your Child: Today and Tomorrow, by +Sidonie Matzner Gruenberg + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Your Child: Today and Tomorrow + +Author: Sidonie Matzner Gruenberg + +Posting Date: November 3, 2011 [EBook #9917] +Release Date: February, 2006 +First Posted: October 31, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK YOUR CHILD: TODAY AND TOMORROW *** + + + + +Produced by Stan Goodman, Anne Folland, Tom Allen and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + +YOUR CHILD + +TODAY AND TOMORROW + + + + +YOUR CHILD + +TODAY AND TOMORROW + + +SOME PROBLEMS FOR PARENTS CONCERNING + + PUNISHMENT REASONING + LIES IDEALS AND AMBITIONS + FEAR WORK AND PLAY + IMAGINATION SOCIAL ACTIVITIES + OBEDIENCE ADOLESCENCE + WILL HEREDITY + + + +By + +SIDONIE MATZNER GRUENBERG + + + +Second Revised Edition Enlarged + +WITH A FORWARD BY BISHOP JOHN H. VINCENT +Chancellor of Chautauqua Institution + +WITH 12 ILLUSTRATIONS + +1912, 1913, 1920 + + + + +TO HER WHOSE DEVOTION AND UNTIRING EFFORT TOWARD AN INTELLIGENT +UNDERSTANDING OF HER CHILDREN HAVE EVER BEEN AN INSPIRATION, + +MY MOTHER + +AND + +TO MY CHILDREN + +WHOSE CONTRIBUTION TOWARD MY EDUCATION HAS BEEN GREATER THAN THAT +FROM ANY OTHER SOURCE, THIS LITTLE BOOK IS AFFECTIONATELY DEDICATED. + + + + +PREFACE TO SECOND EDITION + + +In the sad years that have intervened since this book was published, +we have all been impressed by the brilliant achievements of science +in every department of practical life. But whereas the application +of chemistry and electricity and biology might, perhaps, be safely +left to the specialists, it seems to me that in a democracy it is +essential for every single person to have a practical understanding +of the workings of his own mind, and of his neighbor's. The +understanding of human nature should not be left entirely in the +hands of the specialists--it concerns all of us. + +There is no better way for beginning the study of human nature than +by following the unfolding of a spirit as it takes place before us +in the growth of a child. I am humbly grateful of the assurances +received from many quarters that these chapters have aided many +parents and teachers in such study. + +In the present edition I have made a number of slight changes to +harmonize the reading with the results of later scientific studies; +there is a new list of references and some new material in the +chapter on sex education; and there is a new chapter suggesting the +connection between the new psychology and the democratic ideals of +human relations. + +SIDONIE MATZNER GRUENBERG. + +March, 1920. + + + + +PREFACE + + +In my efforts to learn something about the nature of the child, as a +member of child-study groups, and in my own studies, I have found a +large mass of material--accumulated by investigators into the +psychology and the biology of childhood--which could be of great +practical use to all concerned with the bringing up of children. In +this little book I have tried to present some of this material in a +form that will make it available for those who lack the time, or the +special training or the opportunity to work it out for themselves. +It has been my chief aim to show that a proper understanding of and +sympathy with the various stages through which the child normally +passes will do much toward making not only the child happier, but +the task of the parents pleasanter. I am convinced that our failure +to understand the workings of the child's mind is responsible for +much of the friction between parents and children. We cannot expect +the children, with their limited experience and their undeveloped +intellect, to understand us; if we are to have harmony, intimacy and +cooperation, these must come through the parents' successful efforts +at understanding the children. + +In speaking of the child always in the masculine, I have followed +the custom of the specialists. It is of course to be understood that +"he" sometimes means "she" and usually "he or she." + +It has been impossible to refer at every point to the source of the +material used. One unconsciously absorbs many ideas which one is +unable later to trace to their sources; in addition to this, the +material I have here presented has been worked over so that it is +impossible in most cases to ascribe a particular idea to a +particular person. I wish, however, to acknowledge my indebtedness +to all who have patiently labored in this field, and especially to +those Masters of Child Study, G. Stanley Hall, John Dewey, Earl +Barnes, Edwin A. Kirkpatrick and Edward L. Thorndike. I owe much to +my opportunity to work in the Federation for Child Study. These +groups of mothers and teachers have done a great deal, under the +guidance and inspiration of Professor Felix Adler, to develop a +spirit of co-operation in the attack upon the practical problems of +child-training in the home. + +I am very grateful to Mrs. Hilda M. Schwartz, of Minneapolis, for +her assistance in revising the manuscript and in securing the +illustrations. + +The assistance of my husband has been invaluable. In his suggestions +and criticisms he has given me the benefit of his experience as +biologist and educator. + +SIDONIE MATZNER GRUENBERG. + +New York May, 1913. + + + + +A FOREWORD + + +In the thought of the writer of this prefatory page, the book he +thus introduces is an exceptionally sane, practical and valuable +treatment of the problem of problems suggested by our present +American Civilization, namely: The Training of the On-coming +Generation--the new Americans--who are to realize the dreams of our +ancestors concerning personal freedom and development in the social, +political, commercial and religious life of the Republic. + +There is always hope for the adult who takes any real interest in +self-improvement. One is never too old to "turn over a new leaf" and +to begin a new record. A full-grown man may become a "promising +child" in the kingdom of grace. He may dream dreams and see visions. +He may resolve, and his experience of forty or more years in +"practising decision" and in persisting despite counter inclinations +may only increase his chances for mastering a problem, overcoming a +difficulty and developing enthusiasm. A page of History or of +Ethics, a poet's vision or a philosopher's reasoning, will find a +response in his personality impossible to a juvenile. His knowledge +of real life, of persons he has met, of theories he has often +pondered, of difficulties he has encountered and canvassed, the +conversations and discussions in which he has taken part--all give +new value to the pages he is now turning, and while he may not as +easily as formerly memorize the language, he at once grasps, +appreciates and appropriates the thoughts there expressed. + +With these advantages as a thinker, a reader, a man of affairs, a +father interested in his or children and in their education, what a +blessing to him and to his family comes through the reading of an +interesting, suggestive and stimulating book on child training such +as this practical volume by Mrs. Gruenberg. In fact, the book +becomes a sort of a Normal Class in itself. It is attractive, +ingenious, illustrative and stimulating--an example of the true +teaching spirit and method. + +This volume has in it much that a preacher and pastor would do well +to read. And a _very_ wise pastor will be inclined to bring +together Mothers and Sunday-School Teachers and read to them certain +paragraphs until they are induced to put a copy of the volume in +their own library and thus become, in a sense, members of a strong +and most helpful "Normal Class." + +One thing every Sunday-School Teacher and every Parent should +remember is that all attempts to experiment in the instruction of +children are so many steps towards "Normal Work," in which are +included the use of "illustrations," the framing of "questions," the +devices to "get attention," and the effort to induce children to +"think for themselves" and freely to express their thoughts, +reasonings, doubts, difficulties and personal independent opinions. +All these efforts not only develop power in the child, but they +react upon the teacher and ensure for the "next meeting of the +class" some "new suggestion," some additional question, some fresh +view of the whole subject by which both teacher and pupils will be +stimulated and instructed. + +In our intercourse with children let us aim to develop the +_teaching_ motive, and we shall not only make the work of the +"class room" profitable to the pupils, but each of us will find new +delight, new inspiration and an unanticipated degree of success in +this beautiful and divine ministry. + +JOHN H. VINCENT. + +CHICAGO AND CHAUTAUQUA, + +May 7, 1913. + + + + +CONTENTS + + +CHAPTER + +I. YOU AND YOUR CHILD + +II. THE PROBLEM OF PUNISHMENT + +III. WHEN YOUR CHILD IMAGINES THINGS + +IV. THE LIES CHILDREN TELL + +V. BEING AFRAID + +VI. THE FIRST GREAT LAW + +VII. THE TRAINING OF THE WILL + +VIII. HOW CHILDREN REASON + +IX. WORK AND PLAY + +X. CHILDREN'S GANGS, CLUBS, AND FRIENDSHIPS + +XI. CHILDREN'S IDEALS AND AMBITIONS + +XII. THE STORK OR THE TRUTH + +XIII. THE GOLDEN AGE OF TRANSITION + +XIV. HEREDITY AND ENVIRONMENT + +XV. FREEDOM AND DISCIPLINE + + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + + +THE CREATIVE IMPULSE IS BORN WITH EVERY NORMAL CHILD + +THE IMPULSE TO ACTION EARLY LEADS TO DOING + +IMAGINATION SUPPLIES THIS TWO-YEAR-OLD A PRANCING STEED + +NEITHER ARE GIRLS AFRAID TO CLIMB + +ONLY A GOOD REASON CAN WARRANT CALLING AN ABSORBED CHILD FROM HIS +OCCUPATION + +HABITS OF CAREFUL WORK FURNISH A GOOD FOUNDATION FOR THE WILL + +WORK IS PLAY + +LET THEM ROMP IN THE WINTER AS WELL AS IN SUMMER + +IN THEIR GAMES THEY SHOULD LEARN TO LOSE AS WELL AS TO WIN + +DON'T FORGET HOW TO PLAY WITH THE CHILDREN + +THE BOYS NEED A CHANCE TO GET TOGETHER + +IN THE COUNTRY CHILDREN BECOME ACQUAINTED WITH THE FACTS OF LIFE + + + + +YOUR CHILD TODAY AND TOMORROW + + + + +I. + +YOU AND YOUR CHILD + + +Housekeeping, in the sense of administering the work of the +household, has been raised almost to a science. The same is true of +the feeding of children. But the training of children still lags +behind, so far as most of us are concerned, in the stage occupied by +housekeeping and farming a generation or two ago. There has, indeed, +been developed a considerable mass of exact knowledge about the +nature of the child, and about the laws of his development; but this +knowledge has been for most parents a closed book. It is not what +the scientists know, but what the people apply, that marks our +progress. + +"Child-study" has been considered something with which young +normal-school students have to struggle before they begin their +_real_ struggle with bad boys. But mothers have been expected to know, +through some divine instinct, just how to handle their own children, +without any special study or preparation. That the divine instinct has +not taught them properly to feed the young infant and the growing +child we have learned but slowly and at great cost in human life and +suffering; but we _have_ learned it. Our next lesson should be to +realize that our instincts cannot be relied upon when it comes to +understanding the child's mind, the meaning of his various activities, +and how best to guide his mental and moral development. + +Mistakes that parents--and teachers--make in dealing with the +child's mind are not often fatal. Nor can you always trace the evil +effects of such mistakes in the later character of the child. But +there can be no doubt that many of the heartbreaks, misunderstandings, +and estrangements between parents and children are due to mistakes +that could have been avoided by a knowledge of the nature of the +child's mind. + +There are, fortunately, many parents who arrive at an understanding +of the nature of the child through sympathetic insight, through +quick observation, through the application of sound sense and the +results of experience to the problems that arise. It is not +necessary that all of us approach the child in the attitude of the +professional scientist; indeed, it is neither possible for us to do +so, nor is it desirable that we should. But it is both possible and +desirable that we make use of the experience and observations of +others, that we apply the results of scientific experiments, that we +reenforce our instincts with all available helps. We need not fall +into the all-too-common error of placing common-sense and practical +insight in opposition to the method of the scientists. Everyone in +this country appreciates the wonderful and valuable services of +Luther Burbank, and no one doubts that if his method could be +extended the whole nation would benefit in an economic way. Yet +Burbank has been unable to teach the rest of us how to apply his +shrewd "common-sense" and his keen intuition to the improvement of +useful and ornamental plants. It was necessary for scientists to +study what he had done in order to make available for the whole +world those principles that make his practice really productive of +desirable results. In the same way it is well for every parent and +every teacher--everyone who has to do with children--to supplement +good sense and observation with the results of scientific study. + +On the other hand, there is no universal formula for the bringing up +of children, one that can be applied to all children everywhere and +always, any more than there is a universal formula for fertilizing +soil or curing disease or feeding babies. Yet there are certain +general laws of child development and certain general principles of +child training which have been derived from scientific studies of +children, and which agree with the best thought and experience of +those who learned to know their children without the help of +science. These general laws and principles may be profitably learned +and used in bringing up the rising generation. + +Too many people, and especially too many parents, think of the child +as merely a small man or woman. This is far from a true conception +of the child. Just as the physical organs of the child work in a +manner different from what we find in the adult, so the mind of the +child works along in a way peculiar to its stage of development. If +a physician should use the same formulas for treating children's +ailments as he uses with adults, simply reducing the size of the +dose, we should consider his methods rather crude. If a parent +should feed an infant the same materials that she supplied to the +rest of the family, only in smaller quantities, we should consider +her too ignorant to be entrusted with the care of the child. And for +similar reasons we must learn that the behavior of the child must be +judged according to standards different from those we apply to an +adult. The same act represents different motives in a child and in +an adult--or in the same child at different ages. + +Moreover, each child is different from every other child in the +whole world. The law has recognized that a given act committed by +two different persons may really be two entirely different acts, +from a moral point of view. How much more important is it for the +parent or the teacher to recognize that each child must be treated +in accordance with his own nature! + +It is the duty of every mother to know the nature of _her_ +child, in order that she may assist in the development of all of his +possibilities. Child Study is a new science, but old enough to give +us great help through what the experts have found out about "child +nature." But the experts do not know _your child;_ they have +studied the problems of childhood, and their results you can use in +learning to know your child. Your problem is always an individual +problem; the problem of the scientist is a general one. From the +general results, however, you may get suggestions for the solution +of your individual problem. + +We all know the mother who complains that her boys did not turn out +just the way she wanted them to--although they are very good boys. +After they have grown up she suddenly realizes one day how far they +are from her in spirit. She could have avoided the disillusion by +recognizing early enough that the interests and instincts of her +boys were healthy ones, notwithstanding they were so different from +her own. She would have been more to the boys, and they more to her, +if, instead of wasting her energy in trying to make them "like +herself," she had tried to develop their tastes and inclinations to +their full possibilities. + +How much happier is the home in which the mother understands the +children, and knows how to treat each according to his disposition, +instead of treating all by some arbitrary rule! As a mother of three +children said one day, "With Mary, just a hint of what I wish is +sufficient to secure results. With John, I have to give a definite +order and insist that he obey. With Robert I get the best results by +explaining and appealing to his reason." How much trouble she saves +herself--and the children--by having found this much out! + +A mother who knows that what we commonly call the "spirit of +destruction" in a child is the same as the _constructive +impulse_ will not be so much grieved when her baby takes the +alarm clock apart as the mother who looks upon this deed as an +indication of depravity or wickedness. + +[Illustration: The impulse to action early leads to "doing."] + +Some of the directions in which the parents may profit from what the +specialists have worked out may be suggested. There is the question +of punishment, for example. How many of us have thought out a +satisfactory philosophy of punishment? In our personal relations +with our children we all too frequently cling to the theory of +punishment that justifies us in "paying back" for the trouble we +have been caused--if, indeed, we do any more than vent our temper at +the annoyance. It is not viciousness on our part; it is merely +ignorance. But the time is rapidly approaching when there will be no +excuse for ignorance, even if it is not yet time to say that +preventable ignorance is vicious. + +How many mothers, for example, realize that the desire on the part +of the child to touch, to do--to get into mischief--is a fundamental +characteristic of childhood, and not an indication of perversity in +her particular Johnny or Mary? How many know that these instincts +are the most useful and the most usable traits that the child has; +that the checking of these impulses may mean the destruction of +individual qualities of great importance in the formation of +character? How many know how wisely to direct these instincts +without thwarting them? + +How many mothers--good housewives--know anything at all about the +imagination, that crowning glory of the human mind? They admire the +poet's flights of fancy; but when, on being asked where his brother +is, Harry says, "He went off in a great, great, big airship," they +feel the call of duty to punish him for his _lies_! + +Many of us have realized in a helpless sort of way that there is +need for expert knowledge in these matters, and have comfortably +shifted the responsibility to the teacher. Parents are often heard +to say, when a troublesome youngster is under discussion, "Just wait +until he begins to go to school." It is not wise to wait. There is +much to be done before the school can be thought of, or even before +the kindergarten age is reached. Indeed, a child is never too young +to profit from the application of thought and knowledge to his +treatment. + +Of course, the training value of the school's work is not to be +underestimated. The social intercourse that the child experiences +there, the regularity of hours, the teacher's personality, all have +their favorable influence in the molding of the child's character. +But neither must we overestimate the powers of the school. The +school has the child but a few hours a day, for barely more than +half the year; the classes are unconscionably large. We all hope +that the classes will be made smaller, but they never can be small +enough, within our own times, for the purpose of really effective +moral training. The relations between teacher and pupil can never be +as intimate as are those of parent and child. The teacher knows the +child, as a rule, only as a member of a group and under special +circumstances; the parents alone have the opportunity to know +closely the individual peculiarities of the child; they alone can +know him in health and in sickness, in joy and in sorrow, in his +strength and in his weakness. The parents can watch their child from +day to day, year after year; whereas the teacher sees the child for +a comparatively short period of his development, and then passes him +on to another. + +The time was--and for most of our children still is--when the +teacher had to know nothing but her "subjects"; the nature of the +child was to her as great a mystery as it is to the ordinary person +who never learned anything about it. She was supposed to deal with +the "average" child that does not exist, and to attempt the futile +task of drawing the laggard up to this arbitrary average and of +holding the genius down to it. The effort is being made to have the +teacher recognize the individuality of each child; but the mother is +still expected to confine her ministrations to his individual +digestion. + +In a dozen different ways the effective methods in the treatment of +children, at home or in school, in the church or on the playground, +depend upon knowledge and understanding, as is the case in all +practical activities. Instincts alone are never sufficient to tell +us what to do, notwithstanding the fact that so much really valuable +work has been achieved in the past without any special training. + +It may be true that in the past the instincts of the child adapted +him to the needs of life. It may also be true that the instincts of +adults adapted them in the past to their proper treatment of +children. We should realize, however, that the conditions of modern +life are so complex that few of us know just what to do under given +conditions unless we have made a special effort to find out. And +this is just as true of the treatment of children as it is of the +care of the health, or of the building of bridges. It is for this +reason that the results of child study are important to all who have +to do with children--whether as teachers or as parents, whether as +club leaders or as directors of institutions, whether as social +workers or as loving uncles and aunts. + +It is impossible to guarantee to anyone that a study of child nature +will enable him or her to train children into models of good +behavior. Knowledge alone does not always produce the desired +results; nevertheless, an understanding of the child should enable +those who have to deal with him to assume an attitude that will +reduce in a great measure their annoyance at the various awkward and +inconsiderate and mischievous acts of the youngsters. Such a study +should make possible a closer intimacy with the child. And, finally, +it should make possible a longer continuance of that intimacy with +the child, which is so helpful for those in authority as well as for +the child himself. + + + + +II. + +THE PROBLEM OF PUNISHMENT + + +Picture to yourself a dark hallway. Behind the door stands an +indignant mother with a strap in her hand. It is past the dinner +hour and William has not yet returned. But here he is now. He comes +bounding up the steps, radiantly happy, and under each arm a +pumpkin. He bursts into the house. His mother seizes him by the +shoulder and proceeds to apply the strap where she thinks it will do +the most good. The little boy is William J. Stillman, and the story +is told in his autobiography. He tells how just an hour before +dinner a neighboring farmer had asked him to go to his field to +shake down the fruit from two apple trees. William was so glad to do +something for which he would receive pay that he allowed the work to +trench upon his dinner-time. The two large pumpkins he brought were +his pay, and he knew that they meant a great deal to his needy +family. Stillman, in writing of the incident, continues: "It is more +than sixty years since that punishment fell on my shoulders, but the +astonishment with which I received the flogging, instead of the +thanks which I anticipated for the wages I was bringing her, the +haste with which any mother administered it lest my father should +anticipate her and beat me after his own fashion, are as vivid in my +recollection as if it had taken place yesterday." + +While I hope that not many of us are guilty of such flagrant abuse +of our power as is described above, still I am certain that on many +occasions we punish just as hastily, without giving a chance for +explanation and with as little thought as to whether "the punishment +fits the crime." + +I have often been impressed by the great interest that mothers take +in uses of punishment and in kinds of punishment. It has sometimes +seemed as if the most valuable thing which they could carry away +with them from some child-study meeting was a new kind of punishment +for some very common offence. I have frequently felt as if the only +contact some mothers have with their children is to punish them, and +that punishment constituted the chief part of the poor children's +training. + +Now, punishment undoubtedly has a place in the training of children, +but only a _negative_ place. The proper punishment, administered in +the right spirit, may cure or correct a fault; _but punishment does +not make children good_. If children are punished frequently, it may +even make them _bad_. + +We can all remember some of the punishments of our own childhood. +How unjust they seemed then, and do even now, after all these years +to heal the wounds! How outraged we felt! Into how unloving a mood +they put us! + +The history of punishment for criminals shows us three stages. With +primitive peoples and in early times the first impulse is to "get +even" or to "strike back." "An eye for an eye"--nothing less would +do. Then comes a stage in which punishment is used to frighten +people from wrong-doing and as a warning--a deterrent for others. +Gradually, very, very slowly, as we become more civilized and +develop moral insight--develop a love for humanity--we come to +recognize that the only legitimate purpose of punishment in the +treatment of offenders is to redeem their characters, to make them +_positively_ better, not merely frighten them into a state of +apparent right-doing--that is, a state of avoiding wrong-doing. + +It is said that each individual in his development lives over the +experiences of the race. How each of us passes through the three +attitudes toward punishment is very interestingly shown by a study +that was made some years ago on 3000 school children, to find out +their own ideas about punishment. Miss Margaret E. Schallenberger +sent out the following story and query and had the answers +tabulated: + +Jennie had a beautiful new box of paints; and in the afternoon, +while her mother was gone, she painted all the chairs in the parlor, +so as to make them look nice for her mother. When the mother came +home, Jennie ran to meet her and said: "Oh, mamma, come and see how +pretty I have made the parlor." But her mamma took her paints away +and sent her to bed. If you had been her mother, what would you have +done or said to Jennie? + +In the answers the most striking thing is the range of reasons given +by the children for punishing Jennie. There are three prominent +reasons. + +The first is clearly for revenge. Jennie was a bad girl; she made +her mother unhappy; she must be made unhappy. She made her mother +angry; she must be made angry. A boy of ten says: "I would have sent +Jennie to bed and not given her any supper, and then she would get +mad and cry." One boy of nine says: "If I had been that woman I +would have half killed her." A sweet (?) little girl would make her +"paint things until she is got enough of it." Another girl: "If I +had been Jennie's mother, I would of painted Jennie's face and hands +and toes. I would of switched her well. I would of washed her mouth +out with soap and water, and I should stand her on the floor for +half an hour." + +This view was taken mostly by the younger children. + +The second reason for punishing is to prevent a repetition of the +act. A thirteen year old girl says: "I would take the paints away +and not let her have them until she learned not to do that again." +When a threat is used it is with the same idea in view: "I wouldn't +do anything just then, but I would have said: 'If you do that any +more I would whip you and send you to bed besides!'" All trace of +revenge has disappeared. + +The third stage of punishment is higher still. Jennie is punished in +order to reform her. In the previous examples the _act_ was +all-important. Now Jennie and her moral condition come into the +foreground. None of the younger children take the trouble to explain +to Jennie why it was wrong to paint the parlor chairs. A large +percentage of the older ones do so explain. + +A country boy of fourteen says: "I would have took her with me into +the parlor, and I would have talked to her about the injury she had +done to the chairs, and talked kindly to her, and explained to her +that the paints were not what was put on chairs to make them look +nice." + +A girl of sixteen says: "I think that the mother was very unwise to +lose her temper over something which the child had done to please +her. I think it would have been far wiser in her to have kissed the +little one, and then explained to her how much mischief she had done +in trying to please her mother." + +We can see from this study that the children themselves are capable +of reaching a rather lofty attitude toward wrong-doing and punishment, +yet these children when grown up--that is, we ourselves--so frequently +return to a more primitive way of looking at these problems. In +punishing our children we go back to the method of the five- and +six-year-old. + +What is the reason for our apparent back-sliding? Is it not plainly +the fact that we allow ourselves to be mastered by the animal +instinct to strike back? When the child does something that causes +annoyance or even damage, do we stop to consider his motive, his +"intent," or do we only respond to the _result_ of his action? +Do we have a studied policy for treating his offence, or do we slide +back to the desire to "get even" or to "pay him" for what he has +done? + +Sometimes a very small offence will have grave consequences, while a +really serious fault may cause but little trouble. + +Here, for instance, is Harry, who was so intent upon chasing the +woodchuck that he ran through the new-sown field, trampling down the +earth. He caused considerable damage. If your punishment assumes the +proportion dictated by the anger which the harm caused, he certainly +will be dealt with severely. Knowing that he had not meant to do +wrong, he cannot help but feel the injustice of your wrath. Of +course, he has been careless and he must be impressed with the harm +such carelessness can cause. Whether you lock him in a room or +deprive him of some special pleasure, or whether you merely talk to +him, depends upon you and upon Harry. But one thing must be certain: +Harry must not get the notion that you are avenging yourself upon +him for the harm he has done, or for the ill-feeling aroused by his +act--he must not feel that "you are taking it out of him" because +you have been made angry. + +This brings us to the old rule: _Never punish in anger_. + +On the other hand, while we must allow every trace of anger to +disappear, we must not allow so much time to elapse as to make the +child lose the connection between his act and the consequence. A +little boy at breakfast threw some salt upon his sister's apple in a +spirit of mischief. The mother sent him out of the room and told him +that he would have to go to bed two hours earlier than usual that +night as a punishment for his misdeed. Now we all know that "the +days of youth are long, long days," and the many events of that day +had completely crowded out of the little boy's mind the trivial, +impulsive act of the morning. The punishment could not arouse in him +any feeling but that of unjust privation. + +This particular case illustrates three other problems in connection +with punishment. In the first place, nothing that is considered +desirable or beneficial should be brought into disfavor by being +used as a punishment. Sleep is a blessing, and, it may be said in +general, no healthy child gets too much of it. By imposing two hours +of additional sleep upon the child the mother discredits sleeping. +It isn't logical. It is as unreasonable as that once favorite +punishment of teachers, now rapidly being discarded, of keeping +children after school. On the one side they are told how grateful +they should be for this great boon of education, and for being +allowed to come to school, and then they are told: "You have been +very bad and troublesome to-day; as a punishment you shall have an +extra hour of this great privilege." + +The second point is that no punishment should ever deprive a child +of conditions that are necessary for his health or impose conditions +that are harmful. And, finally, it is not wise to exaggerate the +importance of trivial acts by treating them too seriously. The +little boy tried to be "smart" when he threw that salt. With nearly +every child it would be sufficient, in a case like this, to make him +feel that it was really very silly and that he had made himself +ridiculous in the eyes of the family. + +Very often the seriousness of a child's offence is greatly +exaggerated. We must not waste our ammunition on these small +matters; if we use our strongest terms of disapproval for the many +little everyday vexations, we shall be left quite without resource +when something really serious does occur. Children are very +sensitive to such exaggerations, and their attention is so much +taken up with the injustice of making a big ado about such trifles +that they overlook what is reprehensible in their own conduct. + +Some of the greatest authorities believe that a child should be +allowed to suffer the consequences of his deeds. We should borrow +from nature, they say, her method of dealing with offenders. If a +child touches fire he will be burnt, and each time the same effect +will follow his deed. Why not let our punishments be as certain and +uniform in their reaction? To a certain extent this plan can be +followed. If a little girl stubbornly refuses to wear her mittens, +it is all right to let her suffer the consequences, the natural +consequences--and let her hands get quite cold. + +But this principle cannot be consistently applied as a general +method. If a child insists upon leaning far out of the window it +would be foolish to let him suffer the consequences and fall, +possibly to his death. Part of our function is to prevent our +children from suffering all the possible consequences of their +actions. We are here to guide them and to protect them. + +To abandon the child to the natural consequences of his moral +actions would be even more harmful, for very often we must separate +the child from his fault. This is true in a double sense. In the +first place, we are concerned chiefly in removing the child's +faults, as a physician seeks to separate a patient from his +sickness. But we must also avoid the error of identifying any fault +with the fundamental nature of the child; that is, we must keep +before us the character of the child as distinct from the wrong acts +which the child may commit. If a child lies, that does not make of +him a liar, any more than does his failure to understand what he has +just been told make of him a blockhead. Yet the natural consequence +of lying, for instance, is to be mistrusted in the future--to be +branded a liar. This, however, is one of the worst things that can +happen to a child, and one of the surest ways of making him a +habitual liar. Many children pass through a stage in which they +naturally come to have the feeling which is expressed in the saying: +"If I have the name, I may as well have the game." We must show the +child that we have unbounded confidence in him, otherwise he will +lose faith in himself. + +It is clear, then, that the "natural" method will not work in such +cases, for the impulse to condemn the child after he has committed a +wrong deed, instead of condemning the _deed_, may merely help +to fix upon him the habit of committing similar deeds in the future. + +In Nature, too, the same punishment invariably follows the same +offence. If we try to imitate that method, the child soon learns +what he has to reckon with. If the child knows that a certain action +will produce a certain result, he often thinks it is worth the +price. Then the child feels that he has had his way, and, having +paid the price, the account is squared; so he feels justified in +doing the same thing again. In following this course we defeat our +own ends, as this kind of punishment does _not_ act as a fine +moral deterrent. + +Scolding as a punishment is also not efficacious. We are justified +in having our indignation aroused at times and in letting the +offender feel our displeasure. There is something calm and +impressive about genuine indignation, while scolding is apt to +become nagging and to arouse contempt in the child. + +When we consider the many difficulties of finding a punishment +exactly fitted to the offence in a way that will make the offender +avoid repetition, we are tempted to resort to sermonizing and +reasoning, for through our words we hope at times to establish in +the child's mind a direct relation between his conduct and the +undesirable consequences that spring from it. + +In doing this, however, we should not speak in generalities, but +bring before the child's mind concrete examples of his own +objectionable acts from recent experience. It is useless to tell +John how important it is to be punctual and let it go at that; it is +not enough even to tell him that he often fails to be on time. If +you can remind him that he was late for dinner on Wednesday, missed +the letter-carrier twice last month, and delayed attending to an +errand Monday until all the shops were closed, you have him where he +can understand your point. Mary will listen respectfully enough to a +homily on being considerate, but it will have little effect upon her +compared to bringing before her a picture of some of her actions: +how, instead of coming right home from school the day you were not +feeling well, and helping you with some of your tasks, she had gone +to visit a friend just that afternoon. + +But reasoning with a child often fails to accomplish its purpose, +because the child's reasoning is so different from that of an adult. +Unless there is a nearly perfect understanding of the workings of +the child's mind, reasoning is frequently futile. A seven-year-old +boy who had received a long lecture on the impropriety of keeping +dead crabs in his pockets said, after it was all over: "Well, they +were alive when I put them in. You are wasting a lot of my precious +time." These little brains have a way of working out combinations +that seem weird to us grown-ups. + +Only with a child of a certain type and a parent able to understand +the workings of his mind may the method of reasoning work +satisfactorily in correcting faults and establishing good habits and +ideals. + +No discussion of this subject would be complete without a word on +corporal punishment. It is impossible here to present all the +arguments for or against it. I am sure, however, that the most +enthusiastic advocates of it will admit that it is not always +practised with discretion and that it is in most cases not only +unnecessary but positively harmful. Children that are treated like +animals will behave like animals; violence and brutality do not +bring out the best in a child's nature. It would seem that +intelligent parents do not need to resort to such methods in the +training of normal children. + +As suggested by our veteran novelist, William Dean Howells, we have +clung to the wisdom of Solomon, in this respect, through centuries +of changing conditions. Solomon said: "Spare the rod and spoil the +child"; Mr. Howells suggests that we might with profit spoil the rod +and spare the child. In the small families of to-day there is no +need to cling to the methods that may have worked well enough with +the Oriental, polygamous despot, who never could know all his +children individually, and it is therefore hardly necessary to use +Solomon as our authority. + +It is plain, then, that it is impossible to recommend any punishment +as _the correct one_, or even to recommend any one infallible +rule. This must depend upon the parent, upon the child, and upon the +circumstances. But there are certain definite principles which we +must keep in mind and which will do much toward making our task of +discipline more rational: + +We must never punish in anger. + +We must consider the _motive_ and the _temptations_ before +the _consequence_ of the deed. + +We must condemn the _deed_ and not the child. + +We must be sure that the child understands exactly the offence with +which he is charged. + +We must be sure that he sees the _relation_ of the +_offence_ to the _punishment_. + +We must never administer any _excessive_ or unusual punishment. + +We must not _exaggerate_ the magnitude of the offence. + +If we keep these principles in mind we may not always be right, but +we shall certainly be right more often than if we had no policy or +definite ideas. But, above all, we must recognize that punishment is +only a corrective, and that it is our duty to build up the positive +virtues. Let us expend our energy in the effort to establish good +habits and ideals, and the child will shed many of the faults which +now occupy the centre of our interest and attention. + +In a family where the proper spirit of intimacy and mutual +understanding and forbearance reigns punishment will be relegated to +its proper place--namely, the medicine closet--and not be used as +daily bread. For punishment is a medicine--a corrective--and when we +administer it we must do in the spirit of the physician. We do not +wish to be quacks and have one patent remedy to cure all evils; but, +like physicians worthy of their trust, we must study the ailment and +its causes, and above all must we study the patient. The same remedy +will not do for all constitutions. Therefore the punishment must not +only fit the crime, but it must also be made to fit the "criminal." + +Love and patience are the secret of child management. Love which can +fare from the chilliest soul; patience which knows how to wait for +the harvest. + + + + +III. + +WHEN YOUR CHILD IMAGINES THINGS + + +Johnny was playing in the room while his mother was sewing at the +window. Johnny looked out of the window and exclaimed, "Oh, mother, +see that great big lion!" + +His mother looked, but saw only a medium-sized dog. + +"Why, Johnny," replied the mother, "how can you say such a thing? +You know very well that was only a dog. Now go right in the corner +and pray to God to forgive you for telling such a lie!" + +Johnny went. When he came back, he said triumphantly, "See, mother, +God said He thought it was a lion Himself." + +This poor mother is a typical example of a large class of mothers +who fail to understand their children because they have no idea of +what goes on in the child's mind. To Johnny the lion was just as +_real_ as the dog was to the mother. And even if the dog had +not been there for the mother to see, Johnny could have seen just as +real a lion. + +Every mother ought to know that practically every healthy child has +imagination. You will have to take a long day's journey to find a +child that has no imagination to begin with--and then you will find +that this child is wonderfully uninteresting, or actually stupid. + +You can easily observe for yourself that as soon as a child knows a +large number of objects and persons and names he will begin to +rearrange his bits of knowledge into new combinations, and in this +way make a little world of his own. In this world, beasts and +furniture and flowers talk and have adventures. When the dew is on +the grass, "the grass is crying." Butterflies are "flying pansies." +Lightning is the "sky winking," and so on. This activity of the +child's mind begins at about two years, and reaches its height +between the ages of four and six. But it continues through life with +greater or less intensity, according to circumstances and original +disposition. + +It is not only the poet and artist who need imagination, but all of +us in our everyday concerns. Do you realize that the person to whom +you like so much to talk about your affairs, because she is so +sympathetic, _is sympathetic_ because she has imagination? For +without imagination we cannot "put ourselves in the place of +another," and much of the misery in the relation between human +beings exists because so many of us are unable to do this. The happy +cannot realize the needs of the miserable, and the miserable cannot +understand why anyone should be happy--if they lack imagination. + +The need for imagination, far from being confined to dreamers and +persons who dwell in the clouds, is of great _practical_ +importance in the development of mind and character. Imagination is +a direct help in learning, and in developing sympathy. As one of our +great moral leaders, Felix Adler, has said, much of the selfishness +of the world is due, not to actual hard-heartedness, but to lack of +imaginative power. + +We all know the classic example of Queen Marie Antoinette, who, when +told that the people were rioting for want of bread, exclaimed, +"Why, let them eat cake instead!" Brought up in luxury, she could +not realize what absolute want means. She had no imagination. + +The world has progressed, but we still have among us the same type +of unfortunate persons who are unable to put themselves in the place +of others. I recently heard of a woman who, on being told of a +family so poor that they had had nothing but cold potatoes for +supper the night before, replied: + +"They may be poor, but the mother must be a very bad housekeeper, +anyway. For, even if they had nothing but potatoes to eat, she might +at least have fried them." + +Like her royal prototype, this modern woman had not the imagination +to realize that a family could be so poor as to be in want of fuel. + +But being able to put yourself in the place of another is of +importance not only from the strictly moral point of view. You can +easily see how it will affect one's everyday relations, how it will +be of great help in avoiding misunderstandings of all kinds--as +between mother and child, between mistress and maid, etc. + +If parents would only realize this importance of imagination, and +not look upon it as a "vain thing," they would not merely +_allow_ the child's imagination to take its own course; they +would actually make efforts to cultivate and encourage it. In this +way they would not only aid the child in becoming a better and more +sympathetic man or woman, but would also add much to the happiness +of the child. + +Unless we have given special thought to this matter, most of us +grown-ups do not appreciate how very real the child's world of +make-believe is to him, and how essential to his happiness that we do +not break into it rudely. When one of my boys was two and a half years +old he was one day playing with an imaginary baby sister. A member of +the household came into the room, whereupon he immediately broke out +in wild screaming and became very much agitated. It took some time to +quiet him and to find out that the cause of all his trouble was the +fact that this person had inadvertently stepped upon his imaginary +sister, whom he had placed upon the floor. Before him he saw his +little sister crushed, and great were his horror and grief. + +I know from this experience and many others that if we do not enter +into the child's world and try to understand the working of his mind +we will often find him naughty, when he is not naughty at all. In +the example given it would have been very easy to follow the first +impulse to reprove the child for what seemed very unreasonable +conduct on his part. And such cases arise constantly. + +How completely the child throws himself into an imaginary character is +shown by an incident which occurred recently. A little boy of four, +who had been accustomed to speak only German at home, was playing +"doctor," and was so absorbed in the play that when dinner-time came +he was loath to abandon the role. His mother, to avoid delay, simply +said, "I think we will invite the doctor to have dinner with us," and +he promptly accepted the invitation. When the maid came in, he said in +English, "What is her name?" + +"Marie," the mother replied. "Isn't that Mary in English?" the child +politely inquired. "You see, I cannot speak German, for my mother +never taught me." And although this little boy never spoke English +to his parents nor his parents to him, as "doctor" he spoke English +throughout the meal. + +Many parents enter spontaneously into the spirit of their children's +games, and make believe with the best of them. They pity poor Johnny +when he screams with terror at the attack of the make-believe bear, +and take great joy in admiring the make-believe kitten. If we but +realized how all this make believe helps in the development of +character and in the gaining of knowledge, _all_ parents would +try to develop the child's imagination, and not only those who have +the gift intuitively. It is the child's natural way of learning +things, of getting acquainted with all living and inanimate objects +in his environment. It sharpens his observation. A child who tries +to "act a horse," for example, will be much more apt to notice all +the different activities and habits of the horse in his various +relations than a child who merely observes passively. + +A child with imagination, when receiving directions or instructions, +can picture to himself what he is expected to do, and easily +translates his instructions into action. To the unimaginative child +the directions given will be so many words, and he cannot carry out +these instructions as effectively. + +Again and again teachers find that pupils fail to carry out orders, +though able, when asked, to repeat word for word the instructions +given them. + +The plaintive inquiry, "What shall I do now?" is much more +frequently heard from the child who is unimaginative or who has had +the play of his imagination curbed. For the child can _be_ +whatever he wishes, and _have_ whatever he likes, his heart's +desire is at his finger's end, once his imagination is free. The +rocking-chair can be a great big ship, the carpet a rolling sea, and +at most a suggestion is needed from the busy mother. A few chairs +can be a train of cars and keep him occupied for hours. A wooden box +is transformed into a mighty locomotive--in fact, give an +imaginative child almost anything, a string of beads, or a piece of +colored glass, and out of it his imagination will construct great +happiness. + +A normal child does not need elaborate toys. The only function of a +toy, as someone has well said, is "to serve as lay figures upon +which the child's imagination can weave and drape its fancy." + +Although parents have not always understood what goes on in the +child's mind when he is so busy with his play, our poets and lovers +of children have had a deeper insight. Stevenson, in his poem "My +Kingdom," shows us how, with the touch of imagination, the child +transforms the commonplace objects of his surroundings into material +for rich romance: + +Down by a shining water well +I found a very little dell, + No higher than my head. +The heather and the gorse about +In summer bloom were coming out, + Some yellow and some red. + +I called the little pool a sea: +The little hills were big to me; + For I am very small. +I made boat, I made a town, +I searched the caverns up and down, + And named them one and all. + +And all about was mine, I said, +The little sparrows overhead, + The little minnows, too. +This was the world and I was king: +For me the bees came by to sing, + For me the swallows flew. + +I played there were no deeper seas, +Nor any wilder plains than these, + Nor other kings than me. +At last I hear my mother call +Out from the house at evenfall, + To call me home to tea. + +And I must rise and leave my dell, +And leave my dimpled water well, + And leave my heather blooms. +Alas! and as my home I neared, +How very big my nurse appeared, + How great and cool the rooms! + +Some children do not even need _objects_ as a starting point +for their imaginative activity. They can just conjure up persons and +things to serve as material for their play. Many children, when +alone, have imaginary companions. One little boy, when taken out for +his airing, daily met an imaginary friend, whom he called "Buster." +As soon as he stepped out of the house he uttered a peculiar call, +to which Buster replied--though no one but he heard him--and he +would run to meet him and they would have a lovely time together, +sometimes for hours at a stretch. + +Another little child received a daily visit from an imaginary cow. +There was a certain place in the living-room where this red cow with +white spots would appear. The child would go through the motions of +feeding her, patting her, and bringing her water. + +In these two cases the "companionship" lasted but a few months, but +there are children whose imaginary companions grow up with them and +get older as they get older. + +[Illustration: Imagination supplies this two-year-old a prancing +steed.] + +In some instances there is a group of such imaginary companions, and +their activities constitute "a continued story," of which the child +is a living centre, although not necessarily the hero. + +It seems to me that the power to create his own friends must be a +great boon to a child who is forced to be alone a great deal or has +no congenial companions. + +There need be no fear--except perhaps in very extreme cases--that +such activity of the imagination is morbid. A little girl who plays +with her dolls is really doing the same thing, only that she has a +symbol for each of her imaginary companions. + +But although an imaginative child is much easier to teach later on, +and although he does not trouble you with the incessant nagging +"What shall I do now?" the mother whose idea of good conduct is +"keeping quiet" will find the unimaginative child much easier to +care for. He is very much less active and therefore "less +troublesome." This explains why this priceless gift of imagination +has so often been discouraged by parents and teachers. But they did +not know that they were actually _harming_ the child by so +discouraging him, or, let us hope, they would not have chosen the +easier way. For, after all, we are not looking for the easiest way +of getting along with children, but for the best, and the best for +them will prove in the end to be the best for us. + +It must certainly try your patience, when you are tired, at the end +of a day's work, to have Harry refuse to come to be put to bed +because you called him "Harry"; and he replies, perhaps somewhat +crossly: "I am not Harry, I told you. I am little Jack Horner, and I +have to sit in my corner." But no matter how hard it may seem, do +not get discouraged. Once you are fully aware of the importance of +what seems to be but silly play, you will add this one more to your +many sacrifices, and find that it will bring returns a hundredfold. +And, after all, as in so many other problems, when you resolve to +make the sacrifice, it turns out to be no sacrifice. For, once you +approach the problem in an understanding spirit, the flights of the +child's imagination will give you untold pleasure. + +Another reason why imagination has been suppressed by those who are +in charge of children is the fear that it will lead to the formation +of habits of untruthfulness. It is very hard to realize, unless you +understand the child's nature, that the child is not lying when he +says something that is manifestly not so to you and the other +adults. I have heard children reproved for lying when I was sure +that they had no idea of what a "lie" is. In one family an older boy +broke a plate and, when charged with the deed, denied it flatly. His +little brother, however, confessed and described just how he had +broken it. Now, the older boy was telling a falsehood consciously-- +probably from fear of punishment. The little fellow, however, was +not telling an untruth--from his point of view. He really imagined +having broken that plate. He had heard the event discussed by the +family until all the incidents were vivid to him and he pictured +himself as the hero. + +Up to a certain time it is impossible for the child to distinguish +between what we call _real_ and his make-believe. Both are +equally real to him, and the make-believe is ever so much more +interesting. + +Until about the fifth year a child does not know that he is +imagining; between the ages of four and six the imaginative period +is at its height, and there begins to appear a sort of undercurrent +of consciousness that it is all make-believe, and this heightens the +pleasure of trying to make it seem real. Gradually the child learns +to distinguish between imaginary experiences and real ones, but +until you are quite certain that he _does_ distinguish, do not +attach any moral significance to his stories. Should an older child +be inclined to tell falsehoods, you may be sure that this is +_not_ because his imagination has been cultivated. There are +then other reasons and causes, and they must be studied on their own +account. + +After you come to a clear appreciation of the value of imagination +in the child's development you will, instead of suppressing his +feelings, look around for ways of encouraging this activity of his +mind. You will see a new value in fairy tales and fables and a new +significance in every turn of his fancy. + + + + +IV. + +THE LIES CHILDREN TELL + + +None of the petty vices of childhood appears to shock adults so much +as lying; and none is more widespread among children--and among +adults. As we are speaking of children, however, it is enough to say +that all children lie--constantly, persistently, universally. +Perhaps you will be less grieved by the lies of your children, and +less loath to admit that they do lie, if you realize that _all_ +children lie. The mother who tells you that her child never lies is +either deceiving herself or trying to impress you with the +superiority of her off-spring. In her case the untruthfulness of +childhood has not been remedied. + +However, although lying is so common, that is no reason for ignoring +the lies of children. They have to be taught to know the truth, and +to speak it and to act it. And they can be taught. The Psalmist +said, "All men are liars"; but he spoke hastily, as he afterward +learned. All of us are probably born with instincts that make it +easy for us to acquire the art of lying; but we have also the +instincts that make us love the truth and speak it. Indeed, a child +may acquire a hatred of untruth that is so keen as to be positively +distressing; and this condition is just as morbid and undesirable as +that of the other extreme, which accepts lies as the usual thing. + +As in other problems connected with the bringing up of children, the +first and the last aim should be to understand the child, the +individual, particular child. Will your child become a habitual +liar, or will he simply "outgrow" the tendency toward untruthfulness, +as he will leave other childish things behind him? It is impossible to +tell; but for the vast majority of children a great deal depends upon +the kind of treatment given. If you do not treat the lies of your +children _understandingly_, there is the danger that you will +bring out other characteristics, perhaps even more undesirable +ones--such as cruelty, vindictiveness, or even _actual deceit_. + +We must recognize that there is no general faculty of lying. It is +very easy for us to class as _lies_ every word and every act +that is not in complete harmony with the facts--as we understand +them. But there are many kinds of lies, as well as many degrees of +them. A child that is branded a liar has undoubtedly given abundant +occasion for mistrust, and has lied aplenty; but undoubtedly also he +has specialized in his lying, and would be incapable of certain +kinds of lies that are common enough with other children. As we are +the judges of our children in all of their misdeeds, we must +preserve not only a judicious attitude, but we must really be +_just_. And to this end it is essential that we take into +consideration all the circumstances that lead to a lie, including +the motives, as well as the special traits of the particular child. + +The first thing that we should keep always in mind is that the moral +character of the child is still unformed, and that his standards of +truth, like his other standards, are not the same as those of the +adult. Indeed, this fact is at the same time the hope of childhood +and the source of its many tragedies. It is the hope because the +child is _growing_, and acquiring new vision and new powers; +the child of to-day is the adult of to-morrow, and most of the +children of to-day will be at least as developed, in time, as the +adults of to-day. The tragedy arises from the fact that as we grow +older we forget the outlook of the child, and misunderstandings +between the parents and the children are almost inevitable. + +Whatever the prevailing morality of a community may demand, the fact +remains that practically all children up to a certain age consider +it perfectly legitimate to lie to their enemies if they but tell the +truth to their friends. Children may lie to the policeman, or to the +teacher, or to anyone with whom they are for the moment in conflict. +This is a relic of the time when our savage ancestors found it +necessary to practice deceit in order to save themselves from their +enemies. So ingrained is this instinct that many a child will stick +to a falsehood before the teacher or other inquisitors, only to +retract and "go to pieces" when obliged to answer his mother. It has +been shown over and over again that children even well along in the +teens consider it quite right to tell one story to a teacher or to +another child who is disliked, and a different story to one that is +liked. This attitude probably arises not so much from a desire to +deceive as an outcome of natural cunning and adaptability. + +This is illustrated by the little girl who used to throw the crust +of her bread under the table, to get more soft bread. The child was +too young to deceive anyone; she could not possibly have the idea of +deceit or of lying. She had simply come to dispose of the crust in +this way because she had associated the arrival of more bread with +her empty-handedness; to throw the bread under the table was a +direct way to the getting of what she wanted. The question of truth +or untruth never entered the little mind. To treat this child as a +liar would not only be unjust, but would be apt to make the child +conscious of the idea of deceit. Later in his development the child +may still use the same kind of cunning in getting what he wants or +in escaping what he does not like, without the intention to deceive. +And a lie, to be a lie, must include that intention. + +All students of child nature agree that a very young child--say +before the age of four or five--does not lie consciously. Later, the +child may say many things that are not so, but gradually he comes to +recognize the difference between what he says and what is really so; +he may need help in coming to see the difference, but this aid +should not be forced upon him too soon. A little boy of five who was +very imaginative became acquainted with some older children in a new +neighborhood who had little imagination and therefore were greatly +shocked by Herbert's "stories." They proceeded to inform him that he +was lying, and to explain to him what a lie was. The boy was very +much impressed. After he came home he discovered that there was a +great deal of lying going on. He asked his little brother, "Are you +older than me?"--to which the little one answered in the +affirmative. Herbert came running to his mother to report that the +baby had "told a lie!" For several weeks everything that was said +was subject to the child's severe scrutiny; every slightest mistake +was at once labelled by him as a "lie." Richard said _this_ is +my right hand, that is a lie; Helen said I may not play with the +hammer, mother said I may, so Helen lied; the maid said it was time +to go to bed, but it is only five minutes to seven, so the maid +lied. And he would delight especially in asking the baby brother +leading questions, to trap him into saying lies. This experience did +not result in making Herbert any more scrupulous in his own speech, +for his imagination created interesting and dramatic situations, +which he described with zeal and enthusiasm, for a long time after +he had discovered "lies." + +The young child is really incapable of distinguishing between his +dreams and reality on the one hand, and between reality and his +day-dreams or imaginings on the other. A little boy came home from +kindergarten a few days after he had entered, and, when the experience +was still full of novelties to him, he described the workshop: each +little boy had a pair of overalls with the name across the bib in +black letters; there was a little locker for each child, with the name +on the outside; each had his set of tools and his place at the bench. +Day by day he narrated his doings in "school" and reported the +progress he was making with a little "hair-pin box" that he intended +for his aunt's birthday. On the birthday the mother came to the school +to see how the boy was getting on; and she asked about the hair-pin +box which he was now to bring home. It then appeared that there was no +shop, no overalls, no lockers, no tools. The whole story was a +creation of the child's imagination, and all the details he had +invented were real enough to him to be described repeatedly with such +vividness that no one suspected for a moment that it was all a +fabrication. To call such stories "lies" would be worse than useless. +If scolding or preaching could make a child merely stop _telling_ such +stories, there would be no gain; if they stopped a child _thinking_ +such stories, there would be a decided loss. + +Gradually the child may come to recognize the difference between the +make-believe and the reality, and he may be helped. When at a +certain age you think your child ought to distinguish more clearly +between his imagination and cold facts, it would be all right to +explain to him that, although there is no harm in his enjoying his +make-believe, still he must not tell his fancies as if they were +real, but must tell them as "make-believe stories." That will +achieve the desired result without making him feel hurt at your lack +of understanding in treating him like an ordinary liar whose prime +intention is to deceive. But it is not wise to force this +development, even at the risk of prolonging the age of dreams. + +With some children lying is caused by their esthetic feelings. It is +much easier for them to describe a situation as they feel it should +have been than to describe it as it actually was. Many children +"embellish the facts" without any trace of intent to deceive. +Although we recognize that what they say is not strictly the truth, +we must further recognize that it is their love of the beautiful or +their sense of the fitness of things that leads them to these +"exaggerations." It is the same sort of instinct as shows itself in +our love of certain kinds of fiction. We know that some of the happy +endings in the plays and in the novels are often far-fetched; but we +like to have the happy endings, or the "poetic justice" endings, or +the "irony of fate" endings, just the same. When the child makes up +his endings to fit his sense of justice or beauty, we must not +condemn him, as we are often tempted to do, by calling his +fabrication a "lie," for that at once puts it in the same class as +deliberate deceit for a selfish purpose. There is really no harm in +this class of lies, unless, as the child grows older, it becomes +apparent that he lets his wishes and preferences interfere with his +vision of what is actually going on. In such cases the remedy is not +to be found in the denunciation of lying, but in giving the child +opportunity to experience realities that cannot be treated +untruthfully. To this end various kinds of hand work and scientific +study have been useful. It is impossible for the child to cheat the +tools of the workshop or his instruments of precision; it is +impossible to make a spool of thread do the work of two or three; or +one cannot make the paint go farther by applying the brush faster. +It is concrete reality that can teach the imaginative child reality; +in the things he learns from books there is no check upon the +imagined and the desired--one kind of outcome is as likely and as +true as another. But in the experience of the workaday world causes +and consequences cannot be so easily altered by a trick of words. + +Investigation has shown that the sentimental or heroic element is +one that appeals to children so strongly that it may often lead to +what we adults would call lies, or it would seem to the child to +justify lying. The confession to a deed that he has not committed, +for the purpose of saving a weaker companion from punishment or +injury, seems to be a type of lie that appeals strongly to most +children. Again and again have boys--and girls, too--declared +stoically that they were guilty of some dereliction of which they +were quite innocent, to shield a friend. And most children not only +admire such acts, but will seek to defend them on moral grounds, +even when they are old enough to know what a _lie_ is. The +explanation for this is to be found in the fact that the child sees +every situation or problem as a whole; he has not yet learned to +separate problems into their component parts. A situation is to him +all wrong or all right; he cannot see that a part may be wrong, +while another part is right. Now in the case of the self-confessed +culprits, the magnanimity and heroism of the act stand out so +prominently that they quite overshadow the trifling circumstance +that the hero did _not_ do the wicked deed. + +An excellent illustration of this trait of child nature came out in +an inquiry that was made a number of years ago. A child replied, in +answer to the question "When would a lie be justified?" that if the +mother's life depended upon it one would have the moral duty of +saying that she "was out, although she was really in." That is, it +would be one's duty to make the great moral _sacrifice_ of +speaking an untruth for the sake of saving the mother. Any child +will tell you, as did this one, that it would be wicked to tell a +lie to save his own life! + +This suggests another type of lie that is quite common. Most +children feel their personal loyalties so keenly that they would do +many things that they themselves consider wrong for a person they +love or admire. A little girl was so much impressed with the moral +teachings of her Sunday-school teacher that she was determined to +get her a suitable Christmas present. Now, the family had not the +means to supply such a present, and Mary knew it, and was greatly +distressed by the fact. However, where there is a will there is a +way; and Mary found the way by cunningly stealing a moustache cup +from a store with the inspiring legend "To dear Father" and +beautiful red and blue roses and gilt leaves. Mary had learned that +it was wicked to steal and to lie, etc., but her heart was set on +getting something for the teacher, not for herself, and she very +unselfishly risked her moral salvation for the person she loved and +admired. + +It is probably better for the child if we do not push the analysis +of acts and motives too early, for there is more danger at a certain +age from morbid self-consciousness than from acquiring vicious +habits. If we recognize that many of the lapses from the paths of +truth arise from really worthy motives, we must make sure that these +ideals become fixed before we attempt to separate the unworthy act +from the commendable purpose. + +The cases so far given show how important it is to retain not only +the affection but also the confidence of our children; and how +important it is to have right teachers and associates. The child +will do what he can to please those he really likes or admires; but +the kind of thing he will do will depend a great deal upon what +those he admires themselves like to see done. + +There are some lies that are due to faulty observation. We do not +often realize to what extent we supplement our sense perceptions in +relating our experiences. Lawyers tell us that it is very difficult +to have a witness relate _exactly_ what he saw; he is always +adding details for completing the story in accordance with his +_interpretation_ of what he saw. This is not lying in any +sense, but it is relating as alleged facts what are in reality +conclusions from facts. One may be an unreliable witness without +being a liar; and so may the child tell us things that we know are +not so because, in trying to tell a complete story, he has to +supplement what he actually saw with what he feels _must_ have +been a part of the incident. Defects of judgment as well as +delusions of the senses or lapses of memory may lead to +misstatements that are not really lies. Some delusions of the +senses, especially of sight and of hearing, undoubtedly have a +physical cause. + +Another source of comparatively harmless lying is the instinct for +secretiveness. Children just love to have secrets, and if there are +none on hand, they have to be invented. A child will tell another a +secret on condition that it be kept a secret; but when the secret is +told it turns out to be a falsehood--perhaps even something +libellous. Now, the child cannot feel that he has done anything +wicked, for to his mind the big thing is that Nellie promised not to +tell, and she broke her promise! If she had not broken her promise +to keep the secret, it never would have come out, and no harm would +have been done. Perhaps we have not yet sufficiently driven secrets +from our common life to demand that the children shall be without +secrets. When we set the children an example of perfect frankness +and open dealing in all matters, we may perhaps be in a position to +discourage the invention of secrets by the young people. +Secretiveness leads naturally to deceit; but it is not in itself +serious enough to make much ado about. Healthy children in healthful +social surroundings will outgrow this instinct; where the atmosphere +is charged with intrigue and scheming and dissimulation, this +instinct may survive longer, but its manifestation is in itself not +a trait that should give its concern. + +Some children lie because they are inclined to brag or show off; +others for just the opposite reason--they are too sensitive or +timid. And a lie that comes from either side of the child's nature +cannot be taken as a sign of moral depravity; the treatment which a +child is given must take into consideration the child's temperament. +Charles Darwin tells of his own inclination to make exaggerated +statements for the purpose of causing a sensation. "I told another +little boy," he writes in his autobiography, "that I could produce +variously-colored polyanthuses and primroses by watering them with +certain colored fluids, which was, of course, a monstrous fable, and +had never been tried by me. I may here also confess that as a little +boy I was much given to inventing deliberate falsehoods, and this +was always done for the sake of causing excitement. For instance, I +once gathered much valuable fruit from my father's trees and hid it +in the shrubbery and then ran in breathless haste to spread the news +that I had discovered a hoard of stolen fruit." + +For the vaunting lie it is usually sufficient to defeat its purpose +by showing that the boast cannot be carried out. The braggart is +made to descend from the pedestal of the hero to the level of the +fool. + +How the other extreme in disposition may lead to a "lie" is shown by +the little girl who was sent to the store for a loaf of bread and +came back saying that there was no more to be had. The mother was +very sure that that could not be, but soon found out, on +questioning, that the child had forgotten what she was sent to get +and was then afraid of being ridiculed for having forgotten. Here +the cause of the lie was timidity. To punish this child would only +make her more timid. In a case of this kind the mother should try to +cultivate the self-confidence of the child instead of punishing her +for untruthfulness. + +Perhaps the most common kind of lie is the one that a child tells in +order to escape punishment. It is often chosen as "the easiest way" +without realization of any serious wrong-doing. And even when a +child is taught the wrong of it, it is still too helpful to be +entirely dropped. As a little boy once said, "A lie is an +abomination to the Lord, and an ever-ready help in time of trouble." +The first lie of this kind that a child invents comes without any +feeling of moral wrong-doing. He has only an instinctive shrinking +from pain. To cure a child of this kind of lie, we must take his +disposition into consideration; there is no one remedy that suits +all children. In some cases it has worked very well to develop the +courage of the child, so that he will fearlessly accept the +consequences of his deeds. We all know of cases where children can +be physically very brave and stand a great deal of pain if they are +made to see the necessity for it--as when they are treated by a +dentist or physician. Children of that type surely can be taught to +be brave, also, about accepting the consequences of misdeeds. With +another type of child the desired result can be obtained by making +him see that he will be happier and that his relations with others +will he pleasanter if he always tells the truth. In some children +the sense of honor can be very easily aroused, and they can be made +to see how truthfulness and reliability help human beings to get +along with each other in their various relations. A great many +temptations for this kind of lie can be entirely avoided if your +child feels from earliest infancy that you always treat him justly. + +Yet a child who is neither afraid of punishment nor inclined to +deceive may often be tempted to lie when his wits are challenged. +There is something about your tone of voice, or in the manner of +asking "Who left the door of the chicken-house open?" that is an +irresistible temptation to make you show how smart you really are. +You think you know, and your manner shows it; but you may be +mistaken, and your cocksureness arouses all the cunning and +combativeness of the child. There is a vague feeling in his mind +that he would like to see you confirm your suspicion without the aid +of an open confession--and the result is a "lie." Indeed, any +approach that arouses antagonisms is almost sure to bring out the +propensity to dissimulate or even to deceive. In such cases the +mother should learn how to approach the child without a challenge, +instead of trying to teach the child not to lie. + +The worst kind of lies are those caused by selfishness or the desire +to gain at the expense of another, or those prompted by malice or +envy, or the passion for vengeance. Although such lies often appear +in the games of children, the games themselves are not to be held +responsible for this. Indeed, the games of the older children, when +played under suitable direction, are likely to be among the best +means for remedying untruthfulness. Yet it may be wise sometimes to +keep a child from his games for a time, not so much to "punish" him +for lying as to give him an opportunity to reflect on the close +connection between truthfulness and good playing. Special +instruction may sometimes be needed as a means to arousing the +conscience. The lies of selfishness are bad because, if continued, +they are likely to make children grasping and unscrupulous. But it +is in most cases wiser to try to make the child more generous and +frank than to fix the attention on the lies. If he can be made to +realize that his happiness is more likely to be assured through +friendly and sincere relations, the temptation to use lies will be +reduced. + +One type of lying that is very irritating and very hard to meet is +that known as prevarication. This consists in telling a part of a +truth, or even a whole truth, in such a way as to convey a false +impression, and is most common at about twelve or thirteen years. +When a child resorts to prevarication he is already old enough to +know the difference between a truthful statement and a false +statement. Indeed, it is when he most keenly realizes this that he +is most likely to prevaricate, for this is but a device by which the +childish mind attempts to achieve an indirect purpose and at the +same time keep his peace with his conscience. It is when he already +has a certain fear of lying, and is not yet thoroughly sincere and +truth-loving, that he will come home from the truant fishing party +and ingeniously tell you that a "friend of Harry's" caught the fish, +instead of saying that he himself did it. His conscience is quite +satisfied with the reflection that he _is_ a friend of Harry's. +In this stage of his career the child is quite capable of +understanding a direct analysis of what is essentially a deception, +and a good heart-to-heart talk that comes to a conclusion is about +the best thing he can get. + +I hope you will not think, from what I have said, that I have been +trying to justify lying, or that I do not consider lying a serious +matter; nor, on the other hand, that you will consider a single +application of the remedies suggested sufficient to make any child +truthful. Thoroughgoing truthfulness comes hard and generally comes +late. But for the majority of children truthfulness is attainable, +although it will not be attained without a struggle. The finer +instincts often enough lead to violations of strict veracity; but +they may be made also to strengthen the feeling of scrupulous regard +for the truth. + +I have tried to show that what we call a lie is _not_ always a +lie; and that some of the very methods we use in training our +children themselves produce lies. The inflicting of severe +punishments is one of the chief of these, and the most common lie is +that which is due to fear of punishment. Lies that arise from bad +habits should be treated by an attempt to remedy the bad habit. Lies +that arise from ignorance should be treated by attention to +necessary knowledge. + +Even more important than the right kind of treatment for +untruthfulness is the necessity for an atmosphere in which the +spirit of truthfulness is all-pervading. Some day watch yourself and +notice how often you tell untruths to your child; how often he hears +you tell so-called "white lies" to your neighbors; how often he +hears you prevaricate and exaggerate. If you will keep track of +these things you will realize that it is a trifle absurd of you to +expect your child to be a strict speaker of the truth. Part of our +campaign against the lies of our children must therefore consist in +our attempt to establish truthful relations among adults, and +between adults and children. + + + + +V. + +BEING AFRAID + + +The heroes of history and the heroes of fiction whom all of us like +to admire are the men and women who know no fear. But most of us +make use of fear as a cheap device for attaining immediate results +with our children. When Johnny hesitates about going upstairs in the +dark to fetch your work-basket, you remind him of Columbus, who +braved the trackless sea and the unknown void in the West, and you +exhort him to be a man; but when Johnny was younger you yourself +warned him that the Bogeyman would get him if be did not go right to +sleep. And it is not very long since the day when he tried to climb +the cherry tree and you attempted to dissuade him with the alarming +prophecy that he would surely fall down and break his neck. + +Thus our training consists of countless contradictions: we set up +noble ideals to arouse courage and self-reliance--when that suits +our immediate purpose; and we frighten with threats and warn of +calamity when the child has the impulse to do what we do not wish to +have him do. This at once suggests the effect of fear upon character +and conduct. We instinctively call upon courage when we want the +child _to do_ something; we call upon fear when we want to +_prevent action_. In other words, bravery stimulates, whereas +fear paralyzes. + +The human race is characterized by an instinct of fear. Very young +infants exhibit all the symptoms of fear long before they can have +any knowledge or experience of the disagreeable and the harmful +effects of the things that frighten them. Thus a sudden noise will +make the child start and tremble and even scream. And all through +life an unexpected and loud noise is likely to startle us. An +investigation has shown that thunder is feared much more than +lightning. Children will laugh at the flashes of lightning, but will +cower before the roaring thunder. + +The feeling of fear is closely associated with what is _unknown_. It +is not noise in general that frightens the children, but an +unexpected noise from an unknown source. Indeed, the children like +noise itself well enough to produce it whenever they can by heating +drums, or barrels, or wash-boilers. The frightful thing about thunder +is that the cause remains a mystery, and it is frightful so long as +the cause _does_ remain a mystery, if the child lives to be a hundred +years old. During a thunder-storm children will picture to themselves +a battle going on above. Some think of the sky cracking or the moon +bursting, or conceive of the firmament as a dome of metal over which +balls are being rolled. + +[Illustration: Neither are girls afraid to climb.] + +The influence of the unknown explains also why that other great +source of fear, namely, darkness, has such a strange hold upon +children. Fear of darkness is very common and often very intense. +There are but few children who do not suffer from it at some time +and to some extent. This fear is frequently suggested by stories of +robbers, ghosts, or other terrors, but even children who have been +carefully guarded sometimes have these violent fears that cannot be +reasoned away. + +In order to discover what it is about the darkness that frightens +children, a large number of women and men were asked to recall their +childish experiences with fear, and from the many instances given +the following may be used to illustrate the various terrors of the +dark. + +One woman described her fears of "an indistinct living something, +black, possibly curly," which she feared would enter the room in the +darkness from somewhere under the bed. Another could see dark +objects with eyes and teeth slowly and noiselessly descending from +the ceiling toward her. One little boy, when he had finally overcome +fear, said to his father that he thought the dark to be "a large +live thing the color of black." A girl of nineteen said she +remembered that on going to bed she used to see little black figures +jumping about between the ceiling and the bed. + +It is well known that the feeling of fear is often very intense +among children; and where it is due to ignorance it is not right to +laugh it away. Doing so affords no explanation. The ridicule may +cause the child to _hide_ his fear, but will not drive the +feeling away. Since the feeling of fear is so closely connected with +the strange and unknown, the only way that it may be directly +overcome is by making the child familiar with the objects that cause +such feelings. + +In the case of young children with whom we cannot reason it is best, +wherever possible, to remove the cause or gradually to make the +child familiar with the darkness, or whatever it is that makes him +unhappy. One very young child became frightened when he was +presented with a Teddy bear. Every time the Teddy bear was produced +he would cry with terror. The mother was perplexed about what to do. +Now, as the Teddy bear is not a necessary part of the child's +surroundings, there is no reason why it cannot be removed altogether +and produced again upon some future occasion, when the child is old +enough to be indifferent to it. Very many children are frightened by +the touch of fur, or even of velvet; but this lasts only a short +time, and they soon learn to like dogs and cats. + +The fear of darkness is different; we cannot eliminate darkness from +the child's experience, and we must patiently try to help the child +to overcome his fear, since he will suffer greatly so long as it +lasts. The help you give him will also constitute one more bond of +sympathy between you and your child, and we cannot have too many +such bonds. + +One mother got her boy used to going into a dark room by placing +some candy on the farther window and sending him for that. Here the +child fixed his attention on the goal and had no time to think of +the terrors of the dark. After making such visits a few times the +boy became quite indifferent to the darkness. + +Another ingenious mother gave her little daughter who was afraid a +tiny, flat, electric spotlight which just fitted into the pocket of +her pajama jacket She took it to bed with her, slipped it under the +pillow, and derived such comfort from it that the whole family was +relieved. The child soon outgrew her timidity. + +A child who from infancy has been accustomed to going to sleep in +the dark and suddenly develops a fear of it ought to be indulged to +the extent of having a light for a few minutes to show him that +there is nothing there to be afraid of. It may take a few evenings +and several disagreeable trips to the child's bedroom, but in the +end he will be victorious and you will have helped him to win the +victory. + +A child that is not in good health is likely to be possessed by his +fears much longer than one who is well. In the latter case there is +a fund of energy to go exploring, and the child thus becomes more +readily acquainted with his surroundings, and as his knowledge grows +his fears vanish. Again, the sickly child has not the energy to +fight his fears, as has the healthy child. Indeed, the high spirits +of the healthy child often lead him to seek the frightful, just for +the exhilaration he gets from the sensation. + +The period of most intense fears is between the ages of five and +seven, and while imaginative children naturally suffer most, they +are also the ones that can call up bright fancies to cheer them. +Robert Louis Stevenson must have had a lovely time in the dark, +seeing circuses and things, as he tells us in his poem which begins: + +All night long and every night +When my mamma puts out the light +I see the circus passing by +As plain as day before my eye, etc. + +Although fear is a human instinct, it is not universal, and once in +a while we find a child who has no instinctive fear. If such a child +is not frightened he may remain quite ignorant of the feeling for +many years. I know a boy who, at the age of five, was unacquainted +with the sensation of fear, and, never having been frightened, also +did not know the meaning of the word "fear." He had heard it used by +other children and knew that it was something unpleasant, but when +one day at dinner he said to his mother, "You know, I think I am +afraid of spinach," meaning that he did not like it, it was evident +that the feeling of fear was quite foreign to him. + +Many parents have a feeling of helplessness in the face of a trait +that is said to be "instinctive," as though there were some fatal +finality in that classification. But, while it is true that fear is +instinctive, it is equally true that it can often be successfully +fought by having recourse to other instinctive traits. Thus the +instinct of curiosity, which is more widespread even than the instinct +of fear, may be used to counteract the latter. Since fear rests so +largely on ignorance, curiosity is its enemy, because it dissipates +ignorance. A little boy who had a certain fear of the figures in the +mirror that were so vivid and yet so unreal used to try to come into a +room in which there was a large mirror, and steal upon the causes of +his curiosity unawares. His double was always there as soon as he, and +caught his eye; but the child lost his fear only after he became +familiar with the characters in the looking-glass. In the same way +curiosity will often compel the child to become gradually so well +acquainted with the source of his fears as to drive the latter quite +out of his experience. + +We must be careful to avoid confusing fear and caution. Fear arises +from ignorance, and is not necessarily related to any real danger. +Caution, on the other hand, is a direct outcome of the knowledge of +danger. Two little boys were watching a young man shooting off +fire-crackers. Whenever a bunch was lit the older boy stepped away, +while the younger one held his ground. Someone taunted the older boy, +saying, "You see, Harry is not afraid, and you are." To which he very +sensibly replied, "I ain't afraid neither, but Harry doesn't know that +he might get hurt, and I do." + +Therefore, while we do not wish our children to be cowards, neither +do we want them to feel reckless. Caution and courage may well go +together in the child's character. Constantly warning the child +against possible danger does not develop caution; it is more likely +to destroy all spontaneous action. Too many mothers are always +saying to their children, "Don't do this, you might hurt yourself," +or "Don't go to the stable, the horse may kick you," and so on. If a +child is properly taught, he will get along with the ordinary +knowledge concerning the behavior of things and animals that might +be injurious, and he will learn to be careful with regard to these +without being constantly admonished and frightened. + +The fear of being considered afraid has its evil side as well as its +good side. While it may often make the child "affect the virtue" +when he has it not, it does, on the other hand, make many a boy and +girl, especially in the early teens, concede to the demands of +prevailing fashions in misconduct, when the conscience and the +knowledge of right and wrong dictate a different course. The taunt +"you dassent" is stronger than the still small voice saying "_thou +must not_." And so Harry plays truant for the first time not so +much because he is tired of school, or because the smell of the +young spring allures him, as because Tommy "dares" him to go +swimming on the risk of getting caught and licked. Harry yields for +fear of being called a "cowardy custard." + +It is important to guard against the moral effect of fear when it is +directed against the judgments of others. By always referring the +child to "what others will think" of him, we are likely to make +moral cowards. A child can be taught to refer to his own conscience +and to his own judgment, and, if he has been wisely trained, his +conscience and judgment will be at least as effective guides in his +relations with human beings as his attempt to avoid misconduct for +fear of what others will think or say. + +The use of fear as a means of discipline is being discarded by all +thoughtful parents and teachers. We have learned that authority +maintained by fear is very short-lived; when a child gets past a +certain age, the obedience based upon fear of authority is almost +certain to turn into defiance. The fear of punishment leads directly +to untruthfulness and deception; parents who rely upon affection and +good-will to assure the right conduct of their children get better +results than those who terrorize them. + +Fear and hatred are closely connected, and in cultivating fear we +are fostering a trait that may in a critical moment turn to hatred. +The only things that we should teach our children to fear are those +we should be willing to have them hate. Let your children learn to +fear and hate all mean and selfish acts, all cunning and deception, +all unfairness and injustice. But even better than teaching them to +hate these vices, teach them to love and admire and to aspire to +realize the positive virtues. + +When we observe the undesirable physical effects of fear, such as +the effect upon the heart and blood-vessels, the effect upon the +nerve currents, etc., we can hardly expect it to have a beneficial +effect upon the mental or moral side of the child's nature. Fear +always cramps and paralyzes; it never broadens or stimulates. All +the progress made by our race has been accomplished by those who +were _not_ afraid: the men and women of broad vision and +independent, fearless action. Every mother has lurking in some +corner of her heart the fond hope that her children will in some way +contribute to the advancement of humanity, to make our life here +better worth living. To contribute in this way, our children must be +without fear. + + + + +VI. + +THE FIRST GREAT LAW + + +When you have had a scene with your disobedient Robert, you are apt +to wonder how Mrs. Jones ever manages to make her children obey so +nicely. If all secrets were made public, you would know that Mrs. +Jones has often wished that she could make her children mind as +nicely as do yours. For we always imagine that making children mind +is the one thing that other mothers succeed in better than we do. + +Why is it that we consider obedience of such great importance in the +bringing up of our children? Is it because obedience itself is a +supreme virtue which we desire to cultivate in our children? Or is +it because we find it convenient to receive obedience from those +with whom we have to deal? + +That obedience is a virtue cannot be denied. But it is a virtue only +under special kinds of human relationship. The obedience required of +a fireman or a sailor is of the same kind as that which we demand of +a child exposed to a danger that he does not see. The work of the +fireman and of the sailor is such that these people must be +constantly prepared to obey instantly the orders given by those in +authority over them. The life of the child, however, is such as to +make his work or his safety depend upon his obedience only under +exceptional circumstances. To justify our demand for _habitual_ +obedience, we must find better reasons than the stock argument so +often given, namely, that in certain emergencies the instant +response to a command may result in saving the child from injury or +even from death. + +The need for obedience lies closer to hand than an occasional +emergency which may never arise. In all human relationships there +come occasions for the exercise of authority. There is no doubt that +in the relations between parents and child the parent--or elder +person--should be the one in authority, on account of his greater +experience and maturer judgment, quite apart from any question of +sentiment or tradition. But if you wish to exercise authority, you +must make sure to deserve it. Laws and customs give parents certain +authority over their children, but well we know that too few of them +are able to make wise use of this authority. + +Not only from the side of our own convenience, but also from the +side of the child's real needs, we must give the young spirit +training in obedience. The child that does not get the constant +support of a reliable and firm guide misses this support; the child +is happier when he is aware of having near-by an unfailing +counsellor, one who will decide aright what he is to do and what he +is not to do. But when I say that the obedient child is happier than +the disobedient one, I do not mean merely that the latter gets into +mischief more frequently, or that the former receives more marks of +affection from the parents. There is involved something more +important than rewards and punishments. The young child would really +rather obey than be left to his own decisions. When he has no one to +tell him what to do, or to warn him against what he must not do, the +child feels his helplessness. And there is valuable tonic for the +child's body as well as for his will in the comfortable +consciousness of a superior authority upon which he can safely lean. + +As the child becomes older he begins to assert his own desires in a +more positive fashion, and at about two and a half to three years +the problem of obedience takes on a new aspect. For now the child +has had experience enough to enable him to have his own purposes, +and these often come in conflict with the wishes of the mother. +Should obedience be now demanded? And should it be insisted upon? +There is more involved in this problem than the convenience of +administering the household, or the immediate safety and well-being +of the child. There is involved the whole question of the child's +future attitude toward life. Shall the child become one who +habitually obeys the commands of others, without questioning, +without resisting, and so perhaps become a pliant tool in the hands +of powerful but unscrupulous men? Or shall he be allowed to go his +own way and over-ride the wishes of others, to become, perhaps, a +wilful victim of his own whims and moods, presenting a stubborn +resistance to overwhelming forces that will in the end crush him? + +In the case of the very young child absolute obedience must be +required, for the reason that the child is not in a position to +assume the responsibility for his conduct. The will of the mother +must be followed for the child's own safety and health, for the +child has no intelligence or experience,--that is, judgment,--or +purpose to guide him. He has only blind impulses that may often be +harmless but are never reliable. So the first need is for training +in regularity, and this is possible only under the guidance of the +mother or nurse, who _knows_ what is to be done, or not done, +and whose authority must be absolute. So the child must first of all +learn to obey. Later he must learn what and whom to obey. + +Recognizing, then, in full the value of obedience, we must be +careful not to exaggerate it and consider it a cardinal virtue. +Obedience is far from being a fundamental virtue. On the contrary, +once established as a ruling principle in the household or anywhere +else, it is easily carried far enough to become a source of positive +harm. To obey means to act in accordance with another's wishes. To +act in this manner does not call upon the exercise of judgment or +responsibility, and too many grow up without acquiring the habit of +using judgment and without acquiring a sense of responsibility. They +are only too willing to leave choice and decision to others. +Decision of character and habitual obedience do not go well +together. Moreover, it is now coming to be more fully recognized +that the progress of society depends not upon closer obedience to +the few natural leaders, but upon the exercise of discretion and +judgment on the part of an ever larger number of those who are not +leaders. + +There may be a still greater danger in requiring so-called implicit +obedience of every child. We have learned from modern studies of the +human mind that _doing_ is the outcome of _thinking_ and +_feeling_. When we constantly force children to do things that +have no direct connection with their thoughts and feelings, or when +we prevent actions which follow naturally from their thoughts and +feelings, we are interfering with the orderly working of the child's +mind. We force children to act in ways unrelated to their thoughts +and feelings, and as a result we have many men and women of fine +sentiment and lofty thought who never let their ideas and sentiments +find expression in effective action. In other words, the effect upon +the mind of "thoughtless minding" is not a healthy one. + +A large amount of disobedience arises from the fact that the child's +attention and interest are so different from an adult's. The little +girl who is said to have given her name as "Mary Don't" illustrates +this. Mary does a great many things in the course of a day, impelled +by curiosity and the instinct to handle things. Most of her +activities are harmless; but when she touches something that you +care about, you command her to let it alone. This is quite proper. +Very often, however, she is told to stop doing things that are quite +indifferent, and that satisfy her natural craving for activity +without being in the least harmful. Being interfered with +constantly, she soon comes to consider all orders arbitrary and-- +disobedience results. + +The other side of the problem is seen when a child is told to do +something when he is preoccupied with his own affairs. You may tell +him a second time; very likely you raise your voice. The third time +you fairly shout. This is undignified and it is also unnecessary. +For Bobby has _heard_ the order from the first; but he has not +_attended_ to your wishes. In such cases there is no primary +disobedience; but a frequent repetition of such incidents can easily +lead Bobby to become quite indifferent to your orders; then +disobedience is habitual. The child that has acquired the habit of +ignoring the mother's wishes will not suddenly begin to obey orders +when the emergency comes. + +From these two cases we may see that it is important to get first +the child's habit of attending to what is said to him--by making +everything that is said to him _count_. In the second place, +the child must be taught to feel that what he is directed to do is +the best thing to do. + +For getting the child to obey we must keep constantly in mind the +idea that we are working for certain habits. Now, a habit is +acquired only through constant repetition of a given act or a given +kind of behavior. The first rule for the parent should therefore be +to be absolutely consistent in demanding obedience from the child. +If you call to the children in the nursery to stop their racket +(because father is taking a nap) and fail to insist upon the +quietness because father just whispers to you that he is not +sleeping, you have given the children practice in _disobedience_. If +they are to be allowed to go on with the noise, this should be because +you openly permit them to go on with their noisy fun, and not because +they may heedlessly disregard your wishes. Direct disobedience is not +to be overlooked under any circumstances. It is true that parents +often give orders that had better not be carried out; but the remedy +is not in allowing the children to disobey, but in thinking twice or +thrice before giving a command, or in agreeing with them upon a course +of action without giving commands at all. By giving no orders that are +unnecessary or that are arbitrary, the child will come in time to feel +that your interferences with his own impulses are intended for his own +good. + +[Illustration: Only a good reason can warrant calling an absorbed +child from his occupation.] + +We frequently tell the children that we want them to obey "for their +own good." If this were true, we should have little difficulty in +obtaining obedience, for most children instinctively follow orders and +suggestions. It is only when we abuse this instinct by too _frequent_ +and _capricious_ and _thoughtless_ commands for our own convenience +that the children come to revolt at our orders. + +There are great differences among children in the readiness with +which they adopt suggestions or follow orders. Some children are +easily dissuaded from a line of action in which they are engaged. +Their attention is not very closely filed, and they are easily +distracted, and may be sent from one thing to another without +resenting the interruptions. Such children quickly learn to obey, +and some seldom offer resistance to suggestion; but they deserve no +special praise or credit for their perfect obedience, neither do +their parents deserve special credit for having "trained" such +children. On the other hand, there are children who set their hearts +very firmly upon the objects of their desire, and who cannot easily +stop in the middle of a game or in the middle of a sentence just to +put some wood in the stove. Such children will appear to be +"disobedient," although they are just as affectionate and as loyal +and as dutiful as the others. When you see a child that is a model +of obedience, you cannot conclude that he has been well trained; nor +is frequent disobedience an indication of neglect on the part of the +parents. But the majority of children will fall in the class of +those whose obedience or disobedience is a matter of habit resulting +from the firmness and consistency and considerateness of the +parents. + +Unless a child has become altogether submissive, he will not obey +all orders with equal readiness. Alice, who is not very active, does +not display any great virtue if she sits still when you tell her to. +On the other hand, sitting still means to Harry a supreme effort as +well as a great sacrifice; to demand this of him we should have a +very good reason. I know children who are models of obedience in +most matters, but who scream with protest and resentment when it +comes to taking medicine or even to being examined by a physician. +On the other hand, a little boy I know, to whom obedience in general +comes very hard, has such respect for the wisdom of physicians and +for the helpfulness of medicines that he will undergo a thorough +examination and will swallow the bitterest of drugs without even +making a wry face. + +If you will look about among your acquaintances, I think you will +find that those who get really intelligent obedience from their +children are the ones who make the least ado about it, and perhaps +never use the time-worn phrase, "Now you _must_ mind me." It is +the weak person who is constantly forced to make appeals to his +authority. It is the weak person who is constantly threatening the +child with terrible retributions for his disobedience. Yet none are +quicker to detect the weakness, none know better that the threats +will not be carried out, than those very children whose obedience we +desire thus to obtain. + +Many of us get into the habit of placing too many of our wishes in +the form of commands or orders to do or not to do, instead of +requesting as we would of an equal. Wherever possible we should +suggest to the child a line of conduct, so as to make the child feel +that he is making a choice. You may say to Johnnie, "Go and get me a +pail of water." Or you may say, "Johnnie, please get me a pail of +water." Or you may say, "Johnnie, mother needs a pail of water." You +will perhaps get just as good service in one case as in another; but +the ultimate effect on Johnnie may make the difference between a man +who finds work a necessary evil and one who finds work a means of +service. + +From men who have been successful in managing industries and from +women who have managed large households with the least amount of +friction we can learn that there is a way of obtaining obedience +without imposing upon the minds of those under our authority. Whenever +you wish to depart from the usual routine, there is a good reason for +the change, and in most cases the reason can be stated with the +request. When this is done the order loses the appearance of +arbitrariness. If you say to Mary, "I wish you would go out without me +this afternoon, as I have some important sewing to finish," you will +most likely meet with ready acquiescence. If, however, you say, "You +must go alone this afternoon, I can't go with you," and if when Mary +dares ask "Why?" you say, "Because I tell you to," you will certainly +sow the seeds of rebellion. No self-respecting child will accept such +a reason. If at least you make an appeal to your superior judgment, +and say, "Mother knows best," there would be something gained. For now +you are shifting the basis of the child's conduct from your position +of power over her to the highest authority within our reach, namely, +good judgment. The child is thus learning to obey not a _person_, but +a _principle_. + +Expressing your wishes in the form of a request, modified wherever +possible by a reason, does not mean that you are to give the child a +reason for everything he is asked to do; for if the child has +respect for you and feels your sympathy with him, he will do many +things that are requested without understanding any reason, but +confident, when he does think of the matter, that you have a good +reason. In other words, where there have been close sympathy and +habitual obedience the parent becomes, in the child's mind, the +embodiment of those ideals or principles toward which he feels +loyal. + +In the same way men and women who give arbitrary commands may get +from their assistants formal obedience, but they never get hearty +and intelligent cooperation. Indeed, it is no doubt because we still +cling to the traditions of earlier times, when personal loyalty and +military types of virtue were so prominent in the minds of men, that +we are so slow to learn the need for cooperation in modern times. +The need to-day is for leaders who will inspire their fellows with +enthusiasm for cooperation, who will wisely guide their fellows in +effective service; and of the corresponding virtues in the followers +obedience is _not_ the first. + +And yet we must recognize all the time that there are occasions when +a person must do what he is told to just because he is told; and it +were well for one who has to take orders to be able to do so without +fret and bitterness. The child should, however, come sooner or later +to distinguish between those commands that arise out of real +necessities and those that arise from the passion or caprice of +other persons. To the former he must learn to submit with the best +possible grace, with an effort at understanding, or even with a +desire to assimilate to himself. To the latter he should submit, +when forced to, only under protest, and with the resolve to make +himself free. + +That confidence is a strong factor in obtaining obedience is well +illustrated by many boys in every village and town. These boys are +notoriously disobedient at home and at school, but on the baseball +field they will follow the orders of the captain without question. +They feet that his commands are not arbitrary or thoughtless, that +they are not petty and personal, but really for the greatest +advantage to those concerned. If we can inspire in our children such +confidence in our motives, we shall have little worry about the +problem of obedience. + +In the training of the child we often forget that the child will +some time outgrow his childishness. We must consider not only what +is the best kind of behavior for a _child_, but what kinds of +habits it is best for a child to develop in view of his some day +becoming an adult human being. We want men and women to develop into +free agents, that is, people who act in accordance with the dictates +of their own conscience and their best judgment. With this aim in +view, how much emphasis should then be placed on the matter of +obedience? + +Since the infant has no will, he must be guided by others for his +own safety and for the development of his judgment. But we do not +wish him to retain his habits of obedience to others long enough to +deprive him of his independence of thought and action. The growing +child must learn to repress his own many and conflicting impulses, +and to select those that he learns to be best. But if he obeys +always, he cannot acquire judgment and responsibility. He learns +through obedience to value various kinds of authority, and +eventually to choose his authorities; his final authority being his +conscience or principle, not impulse or whim. He learns also by +questioning the principle of obedience to persons, and comes to +guide his conduct by principle or conscience, and not by custom or +convention. + +We do not wish to train our children for submission, but for judgment +and discernment. We must, therefore, respect the child's +individuality. We are, however, not obliged to choose between blind, +unquestioning obedience and the undignified situations which arise +from habitual disobedience. Obedience to persons as a settled habit +is bad. The ability to obey promptly and intelligently when the +commander's authority is recognized,--to respond to suggestion and +guidance,--is desirable. Obedience is a _tool_ the parent may use +with wisdom and discretion. It is not an _end_ in discipline or in +life. + +We should educate _through_ obedience,--that is, cultivate the +habit of intelligent response,--but we must not educate _for_ +obedience,--that is, the habit of submitting to the will of others. + + + + +VII. + +THE TRAINING OF THE WILL + + +After all, what is there about a person that really counts? All +experience and all philosophy agree that it is the character; and +the central fact in character is the _will_. Yet the will is +not something in the soul that exists by itself, as a "faculty" of +the mind. The will is a product of all the other processes that go +on in the mind, and can not be trained by itself. Neither can the +will of the child be expected to come to its own through neglect. +Indeed, although the will can not be trained by itself, its training +is even more important than the training of the intellect. The great +defect in our moral training has been that we have generally +attempted to train our children too exclusively through precepts and +mottoes and rules, and too little through activities that lead to +the formation of habits. The will depends upon the intellect, but it +cannot be trained through _learning_ alone, though learning can +be made to help. There are, as we all know, only too many learned +men and women with weak wills, and there are many men and women of +strong character who have had but little book learning. The will +expresses itself through action, and must be trained through action. +But action is impelled by feelings, so the will must be trained also +through the feelings. All right education is education of the will. +The will is formed while the child is learning to think, to feel, +and to do. + +We judge of character by the behavior. But our behavior is not made +up entirely of acts of the will. Hundreds of situations occur that +do not require individual decision, but are adequately met by acts +arising from habit, or even from instinct. The experience of the +race has given us many customs and manners which are for the most +part satisfactory, and which the child should learn as a matter of +course. It is thus important that the child should acquire certain +habits as early in life as possible. These habits will not only +result in saving of energy, but will also give assurance that in +certain situations the child will act in the right way. If it is +worth while to have a person knock on a door before entering an +occupied room, or if it is worth while to have people look to the +left and to the right before crossing a thoroughfare, the child can +acquire the habit of doing these things always and everywhere +without stopping to make a decision on each occasion. + +But we must remember that in guiding the child to the formation of +these habits, example and practice are far more important than +precepts and rules. Example is more important because the child is +very imitative; one rude act on the part of some older member of the +household will counteract the benefit of many verbal lessons in +politeness. Practice is important because it is through constant +repetition of an act that it at last becomes automatic, and is +performed without thought or attention. In fact, this is the only +way in which a habit can be formed. Having acquired habits about the +common relations of life that do not call for new adjustment every +time they are met, the mind is left free to apply itself to problems +that really need special consideration. Imagine how wasteful it +would be if we had to attend to every movement in dressing +ourselves! You can easily see that there are a great many acts that +bring us in relation to others and that should be as mechanical and +automatic as dressing and undressing. + +It is when we pass from the routine acts which are repeated every +day that we come to the field in which the will holds sway. There is +nothing more helpful in the training of the will than the frequent +performance of tasks requiring application, self control, and the +making of decisions. The routine of fixed duties in a large and +complex household furnished to our grandparents, during their youth, +just the opportunity for the formation of habits in attending to +what needed to be done, without regard to the momentary impulse or +mood. Many of our modern homes are so devoid of such opportunities +that there is great danger that our children will have altogether +too much practice in following their whims and caprices--or in doing +nothing. + +It is just because the modern home is so devoid of the opportunities +for carrying on these character-building activities that provision +must be made in that other great educational institution, the +school. All the newer activities of the school, the shop work and +the school garden, the domestic science and the sewing, the +recreation centres, the art and the music--all these so-called "fads +and frills" against which the taxpayer raises his voice in protest-- +these prove to be even more important in the making of men and women +out of children than the respectable and acceptable subjects of the +old-fashioned school; for these activities are but organized and +planned substitutes for the incidental doings of the childhood of +other days. They are the formal substitutes for the activities by +means of which a past generation of men and women acquired that +will-training and that insight into relations which distinguished +their characters. + +[Illustration: Habits of careful work furnish a good foundation for +the will.] + +All systematic and sustained effort, whether in organizing a game or +carrying a garden through from the sowing to the harvest, whether in +making a dress or a chest of drawers, has its moral value as +training in application, self-control, and decision, quite distinct +from its contribution to knowledge or skill. + +Two or three generations ago no thought whatever was given to the +child's point of view; the authority of parents was absolute, and +there were many unhappy childhoods. To-day we wish to avoid these +errors, and by studying the child we hope to adjust our treatment to +his nature and his needs. + +But we must be on our guard against the danger of going to the +extreme of attributing to the child ideas and instincts which he +does not possess. In former times it was considered one of the +mother's chief duties to "break the child's will"; to-day, realizing +the importance of a strong will, we are in danger of assuming that a +child's stubbornness or wilfulness is a manifestation of a strong +will, and we hesitate to interfere with it. + +This is an entirely false assumption. In the first place, a child up +to the age of about three years has no will; he can only have strong +desires or impulses, or pet aversions. During this period the +mother's will must be his will, and there can be no clash of wills. +But, to be his will, the mother must guide the child in accordance +with _his_ needs, _his_ instincts,--that is, in accordance +with his nature, and not in accordance with her convenience or +caprice. She must bear constantly in mind that the child is not +merely a miniature man or woman, but that each stage in his +development represents a distinct combination of instincts, impulses +and capacities. If, for example, your little girl is digging in the +dirt--a very _natural_ and healthful activity--and you stop her +for no better reason than that she will soil her hands or clothes, +you are unduly interfering with her, and if you continue in that +way, you will either make a defiant, disagreeable youngster or a +servile, cringing slave to arbitrary authority. On the other hand, +if Johnny should wish to play with a knife or a box of matches, it +manifestly devolves upon you to take these objects away from him, no +matter how strong his desire to have them may be. But it also +devolves upon you to see that such harmful objects are not very easy +for him to obtain and to see to it that plenty of other harmless +things are provided for him. + +This suggests a common mistake parents and loving friends often make +in meeting the uncomfortable assertions of the child's will. When +the child cries for the moon, you try to get him interested in a +jack-in-the-box; and when he wants a fragile piece of bric-a-brac-- +you try to substitute for it a tin whistle. With a very young child, +that is about all you can do. But a time comes when the child is old +enough to know the difference between that upon which he has set his +heart and that which you have substituted for it in his hand. At +this time you must stop offering substitutes. The child is now old +enough to understand that some things are _not_ to be had, and +that crying for them will not bring them. To offer him a substitute +is now not only an insult to his intelligence, but it is +demoralizing to his will; it makes for a loose hold upon the object +of his desire--and it is the firmness of this hold that is the +beginning of a strong will. It does not take the child long to learn +that he is not to have a knife or a lighted lamp; nor does it take +him long to get into the way of scattering his desires, so that he +has no will at all. + +In the second place, the assumption that stubbornness is a sign of +strength is false, even for older children. Stubbornness is, in +fact, a sign of weakness. It indicates that the child is either +incapable of adjusting himself to the appeal that is made to his +judgment or feelings, or that his weakness will make it impossible +for him in the presence of his immediate desire to recognize the +superior judgment and authority of his elders, at home or in school. +It takes much more will power to give in than to carry one's point. +But we must always make sure that _we_ are not the obstinate +and wilful ones. If you have a very good reason for not wanting +Helen to go to the dance--even if she is too young to understand +that reason--you are perfectly justified in carrying your point. If +your reason is a wise one, she will come to see it in time and will +honor and respect you all the more for not having given in to her +impetuous and immature desire. If she gives in gracefully, because +she can understand the reasons, or just out of respect for your +wishes, having found your guidance wise before, hers as well as +yours is the triumph. The only thing of which we must make sure is +that we are right to the best of our understanding, and that we do +not insist upon having our way just because,--oh, well, just because +we have a right to have our way, being in authority. As G. Stanley +Hall, the father of child study in this country, has so well said: +"Our will should be a rock, not a wave; our requirements should be +uniform, with no whim, no mood or periodicity about them." Having +made sure of ourselves, we need not fear that training our wilful +children will weaken their will. + +We must not neglect to consider the very close relation that exists +between the health of the body and the health of the spirit. A +strong will, showing itself in ability to concentrate its efforts on +a chosen purpose, is not to be expected in a child whose muscles are +flabby and whose nerves quickly tire. Since the will expresses +itself in action, it can be best cultivated in a body capable of +vigorous action. + +The young child is not only a bundle of bones and muscles; it is +also a bundle of impulses. And some of these impulses lead to +actions that are quite desirable, while others lead to actions that +are indifferent, and still others to actions that are decidedly +undesirable. But, so far as the child is concerned, he has no means +of discriminating between one kind of impulse and another. He would +just as soon carry poison to his mouth as good food; he would rather +grasp at a flame than at a harmless rattle. One of the essentials +then becomes suitable knowledge. As the child grows older he should +gradually learn that knowledge is necessary to wise choice. It is +not so much the knowledge of what is commonly called "good" or +"evil" as the knowledge of relations and needs that will enable him +to choose ends, and to choose effective means toward those ends. Yet +we cannot begin too early to have such considerations as "It is +right," or "It is best," rather than "I want it," influence the +conduct of our children. But, in order to do the right, we have to +_know_ the right, and the children who get these moral lessons +in their homes are fortunate indeed. It is here the child should +acquire his feeling of loyalty to duty, for such lessons learned in +the home are the most impressive and the most enduring. We must also +make certain that children all through their lives at home are given +opportunity for choice and decision. + +In this matter of making decisions there is a great deal of +individual variation, and even distinct types of persons have been +described, according to the way they reach decisions. At one extreme +is the child--or the grown person--who apparently without any effort +balances the reasons that may be given on the opposite sides of a +problem, and makes his choice solely on the strength of the reasoned +argument. Herbert Spencer tells in his Autobiography how, when a +young man, he wrote down, as in a ledger, all the advantages and all +the disadvantages he could think of in regard to the married state. +After checking off the items on the two sides of the account, he +found a balance in favor of remaining single. Later in life he had +his doubts as to whether the decision was a wise one, but it was the +best he could make under the circumstances, for he made use of all +the knowledge at his command and stood by his reasoned decision. + +At the opposite extreme is the person who resolves to do what is +right (although he may have no systematic means of discovering what +is right), and carries out his resolution at the cost of frequently +painful effort. To such persons there is a kind of association +between what is easy and what is wrong on the one hand, and between +what is difficult and what is right on the other. Our early Puritans +were men of this type, and there is much to admire in the sturdiness +with which they crushed their impulses in the resolve to carry out +their ideals of the right. + +Almost complete lack of will is shown by those who reach their +decisions--by not reaching them. That is, there are those doubting, +hesitating souls who postpone making a decision until action is +forced upon them by some accidental event. These let other persons +or the course of events make their decisions for them. There is such +a delicate balancing of the desires--usually because all desires are +equally weak--that none stands out to dominate the choice of a line +of action. George wanted to go to the circus, and had saved enough +from his weekly allowance; but he was saving up to buy a rifle, and +he was undecided now as to whether he would go to the circus or add +to his savings and get the rifle so much the sooner. The sight of +some other boys on the way to the circus made the decision for him. +This decision was not a reasoned one, but an accidental one. + +Similar in its weakness is the will that reaches no decisions except +as the balance is upset by later impulses from within. The girl or +boy who allows a slight headache or a tired feeling to make +important decisions cannot be said to have much strength of +character. On Saturday Mabel was to have gone on a steamboat +excursion--or on a visit to a friend, to stay over night. When she +went to sleep Friday night she had not yet made up her mind; but she +finally went to visit her friend because she had over-slept and was +too late to join the excursion party. + +Children that have not acquired habits of making definite decisions +will find themselves badly adrift when they reach the adolescent +period, with its rapid changes of mood and the masses of frequently +conflicting impulses. To be able to restrain each impulse to action +as it arises, and to hold it in abeyance until all the alternatives +have been canvassed, is a power that comes only after years of +thought and practice. + +However, it is not enough to be able to refrain from doing what one +is impelled to do. Many mothers think that they are training the +child's will when they prohibit the taking or handling of various +things about the house. It is true that the child should learn when +quite young to avoid certain objects. But if the prohibitions are +too general the child will be frequently tempted to break the rules, +and then he will fall in his own esteem; or he will observe the rule +and have too little outlet for his activity and initiative. The will +does not thrive on what the child is _prevented_ from doing, +but on what the child _actually does do_. + +The child's need is for practice in doing and in choosing what he +will do. When activities or games are suggested to a younger child, +it is best to give him a choice of two or three. When the children +are older they can be consulted about the purchase of their clothes, +and they ought gradually to assume their share--a small one at +first--of the responsibility of the household. As early as possible +they should have their own money to spend, as in no other way can +they learn the use of judgment and decision in the spending of +money. In the households wherein children do not have such +opportunities, but in which the parents rule everything with a high +hand, the children grow up very inefficient in managing their time +and their money; they have become accustomed to being ruled and +flounder helplessly when called upon to decide for themselves. + +The will, which is at the heart of moral conduct and which is so +much in need of training, cannot, as we have seen, be trained as a +thing by itself. All training and all education must contribute to +the training of the will. Still, there are some definite points that +we can profitably keep in mind when we are concerned with the +child's will: + +First of all comes sound bodily health. + +Then there must be sound habits for most of the everyday activities, +that the will may not be dissipated upon trivial matters, and that +the common duties and virtues may be assured. + +There must be constant practice in sustained effort and +concentration upon useful tasks, in order to fix the habit of +holding the attention upon the chosen purpose. + +We must not confuse wilfulness with strength of will; and, finally, + +There must be constant opportunity for making decisions that the +child may feel responsibility in making of decisions as the highest +type of conduct. + + + + +VIII. + +HOW CHILDREN REASON + + +"Those children will not listen to reason," said a friend whom I +discovered in an agitated state of mind one afternoon, when I came +to make a call; and she was by no means the first to make this +observation. Indeed, it is one of the characteristics of children +that they will not listen to reason,--that is, _our_ reason. +Which is not, however, saying anything against the children's good +sense, for people with much more experience have refused to listen +to reason--the children's reason. + +Margaret told me her troubles. Her sister had rented a farm near the +city for the summer and had offered to let Walter spend his vacation +with her in exchange for such bits of help as he was able to render. +But Walter had made up his mind to go to work in an office that +summer, and, although he loved the country and had always wanted to +drive a horse and go fishing, his mother's attempts to convince him +of the wisdom of her choice were without avail. He would not listen +to her reasons. She pointed to the health argument, to the +opportunities for play, the free time, the driving, the fishing, and +the fruit without limit. Knowing Walter as I did, I could not +understand why it was so hard to convince him. + +But every story has at least two sides to it, and of this story I +had heard only one. The mother was so concerned with giving her son +her good reasons for going to the country that she never even +thought of finding out his equally good reasons for going to the +office. Presently, however, Walter came in, and my first leading +question brought out the true secret of the disagreement. + +"What is there about working in an office," I asked the boy, "that +you care so much about?" + +"Oh, it isn't working in an office that I care about; I just want to +earn some money. I never did make any money myself, and now I have a +good chance and mother won't let me." + +This was really too simple; here two sane persons had spent several +days on the problem without coming to any solution. By placing +Walter's services on the farm on a financial basis and making him +pay for his board he managed to spend his vacation, healthfully and +happily and profitably in every sense; and everybody was satisfied. + +Over and over again we are impressed with the fact that most +disagreements between people--whether between adults or between +children, or between children and adults--are due to misunderstandings. +As soon as parents resolve not to treat their children arbitrarily,-- +that is, on the basis of their superior strength and authority,--they +adopt a plan of "reasoning" with them. This plan might work very well, +if the parents only understood the children's way of reasoning, if +they but realized that the child does not reason as do adults, that he +reasons differently in each stage of his development. + +Our manner of reasoning depends very closely upon our language. But +every significant word that we use has a distinct meaning in the +mind of the individual, depending altogether upon his experience. As +the experience of the child is very meagre, compared to that of the +grown-up person, it is no wonder that our everyday remarks are +constant sources of misunderstanding to children. + +The little girl who had been frequently reproved for not using her +_right_ hand came to have a positive dislike for her other +hand, which she naturally understood to be _wrong_ hand, and +she did not wish to have anything wrong about her person. A boy was +trying to tell his sister the meaning of "homesick." "You know how +it feels to be seasick, don't you? Well, it's the same way, only +it's at home." + +Children are apt to attach to a word the first meaning that they +learn in connection with it. Only with the increase of experience +can a word come to have more than one meaning. Moreover, the child +will apply what he hears with fatal exactness and literalness. + +Two little girls were at a party and the older one found occasion to +slap her sister's hand. The hostess reproved her for this, whereupon +the little girl asked, "Isn't she my own sister?" The hostess had to +admit that she was. "Well, I heard papa say that he can do what he +likes with his own." + +Doing what we like with our own meant to the child exactly what the +words said, without those qualifications which we naturally put in +because of our greater experience. + +Children learn with wonder that mother was once a baby, and that +father was once a baby, and so on. Dr. Sully tells of the little +girl who asked her mother, "When everybody was a baby, then who +could be the nurse if they were all babies?" Thus shows real +reasoning power; it was not the child's fault that she had no +historical perspective, and so could not see the babyhoods of +different people in their proper relations in time. + +A little boy who was beginning to read deciphered a sign in a +grocery store, "Families supplied." He asked his mother whether they +could not get a new baby there. + +When Herbert was passing through the scissors stage he cut a hole in +his father's coat. The father scolded him for spoiling his suit; +Herbert calmly replied, "I did not cut your suit; I only cut the +coat." He resented this accusation, which in his mind was not merely +an exaggeration, but entirely false, since a suit is a suit and a +coat is a coat. + +A little girl, while out with her nurse and brother, got lost by +separating herself from the nurse's side. When she was at last found +she was reprimanded for running away from the nurse. She felt that +she was being unjustly treated, for she said, "I did not run away; I +only _stood_ away," meaning, she had stepped around the corner +to look in a window. If she had been scolded for getting out of +sight of the nurse, she would have felt justly reproved; but, +accused of doing something she never did and never thought of +doing,--that is, running away,--she naturally resented this. + +Those who have to deal with children in an intimate way cannot be +too scrupulous about how they use their words. + +The logic of children often appears to us all wrong until we take +the trouble to see how they come to their queer conclusions. + +The story is told of a boy who was sent to the circus in the +neighboring town by his uncle, who gave him an additional quarter +"so you can ride back in case it rains." Well, it did rain, and +Howard came back riding on the top seat, next to the driver, wet to +the skin. Now, any grown-up person knows why he was to ride back "in +case it rains"; but to Howard the association of ideas was directly +between raining and riding, and not between riding and coming home +dry. + +This illustrates a very common difference between the reasoning of +children and that of adults. We _select_ ideas from a situation +and combine them and come to conclusions. The child combines ideas, +but he does not make any selection, and the simple explanation for +this lies in the fact that the child has not enough experience to +enable him to select what is significant. Thus a little girl, who +had been too boisterous in her play, was called in by her mother and +made to sit quietly in a chair for about ten minutes. At the end of +this time her mother asked her whether she would "be good now." The +child promised that she would, and was told that she might then go +out to play again. As she arose she affectionately turned to the +chair and said, "Thank you, dear chair, for making me so good." +Having been declared "good" after sitting in the chair, she +attributed the beneficent change in her behavior to the chair; and, +being a polite little girl, she thanked the chair. + +Very often these simple types of reasoning have their humorous +aspects and we do not take them seriously. One winter a little boy +who had always gone to bed regularly (he was four and a half years +old then) began to call for some one to come to him after he was +supposed to be asleep. He wanted to sit up and play, he wanted to +get dressed, and he wanted something more to eat. This continued for +several evenings, and it seemed impossible to get him back into his +good habits. At last he was asked, "_Why_ do you want to get up +now?" and he answered at once, "Because it is winter now." + +"Yes, it is winter now, but it is time for you to be asleep," he was +told. + +"But it says in the book that I must get up," he insisted. + +"Which book?" + +"I will show you," and he took from his shelf a copy of Stevenson's +"Garden of Verses," and turned to the picture opposite the poem that +begins: + +In winter I get up at night +And dress by yellow candle light. + +To him this meant that in winter, after going to bed, _at +night_, one must get up and dress. It is very likely many +children who have had this delightful poem read to them have +interpreted it in the same way, but probably very few parents have +taken the pains to trace their children's unaccountable +"misbehavior" at bedtime to such a source. + +This same poem produced in another child quite a different train of +reasoning, for "Why did the little girl get up at night and sleep in +the daytime?" he asked, "Was she a trained nurse?" It then became +necessary to recall that an aunt of the child's, who _was_ a +trained nurse, often slept at home during the day, after having +worked with some patient at night. + +There is no doubt that many of the crotchets and "perversities" of a +child have their origin in chains of reasoning that are perfectly +legitimate, in view of the past experiences of the young mind, +although not in harmony with the reasoning of more mature minds. The +parent spends much time and energy, and much heartburning, +sometimes, to overcome these whims. What is needed is a patient and +sympathetic attempt to discover how the child has come to his queer +ideas and desires. + +The annoyance that children cause us with their questionings is due +very largely to the fact that we cannot answer their questions, +since the reasoning that prompts them is too searching. A little boy +shocked and vexed his grandmother, who was trying to teach him the +elements of theology, by asking "Who made God?" It is very likely +that every normal child has asked the same question in one form or +another. This attempt to reach back to the very beginning of causes +resembles in many ways the speculations of the mediaeval +metaphysicians, and should certainly not be discouraged. We need +not, on the other hand, make the effort to answer every question a +child may ask, for at a certain stage in his development he will get +the habit of asking questions without really caring for the answers. +But the questions are worth hearing, in most cases, just to help us +understand how the child _does_ reason. Some of the questions +indicate a great deal of reasoning of a very valuable kind. When the +little boy asks, "Why don't I see two things with my two eyes?" or +when the little girl looks up from her dolls and asks, "Am I real, +or just pretend, like my doll?" they show that they have been +thinking. When a child has passed through the metaphysical stage of +reasoning, he will be more interested in animals and other objects +of Nature; and his questions will have to do more with the operation +of processes--how he grows, and how fishes breathe in the water, and +how birds fly. Later, he wants to know how things work, what makes +the locomotive go, how the noise goes through the telephone, how the +incubator makes chickens come out of eggs. The reasoning of the +child may lead to weird conclusions, but it is real reasoning, and +can be improved not by being ridiculed, nor by being suppressed, but +by being sympathetically understood and encouraged. + +Perhaps the most serious phase of the peculiarities of children's +reasoning appears with older children when it comes to reasoning +about right and wrong conduct. Professor Swift, of Washington +University, has made a careful study of this subject, from replies +given by many men to questions about their ideas as boys. It seems +that men who are irreproachable in their moral standards pass +through a stage in which they consider it legitimate fun to rob +orchards or to commit petty thefts. + +Children draw fine distinctions between _wrong_ acts and acts +that are _not very wrong_, though they may not be _quite +right_. One man says, "I distinguished between _taking money_, +_real stealing_, and _taking fruit_." Another says of fruit +taking, "I only partly regarded it as stealing." One man writes, +"When a close-fisted employer refused to let me have my clothes at +cost, I pocketed enough of his change to bring my clothes down to +the cost mark." Few regarded taking money from their parents as +"very bad," and distinguished between such stealing and taking money +from strangers. + +A boy of fifteen was reproved for holding his ear to the keyhole of +a room in which his mother and sisters were having an animated +discussion. The appellation "eavesdropper" did not disconcert him in +the least. On the contrary, he undertook to justify his conduct on +the ground that he was being discussed, and as he had no +"dictagraph" he was obliged to do the listening in person. The fact +that the dictagraph had been so frequently used for getting +information that was later used in court was to him a sufficient +justification of his conduct. + +It is well known that all children pass through the stage +illustrated by these cases, in which they have the savage's +conception of right and wrong. For most children the difference +between going to the reformatory or jail and turning out decent men +and women is one of wholesome and sympathetic environment. Undue +severity, no less than bad example, confirms many a youth in these +habits--which should represent but a passing stage in his +development. + +Adults should not read their own ideas of morality into the acts of +their children and then catalogue them as right or wrong. Most +children's acts are neither right nor wrong: they are merely +expressions of feelings and ideas peculiar to the stage of +development. With young children ideas of right and wrong divide +themselves into acts which are permitted and those which are +forbidden. They have no conception of right and wrong beyond that. + +Many an act that a boy commits, which we consider wrong, is but the +expression of the instincts of his age. Our duty consists in helping +him to pass through that stage without making permanent habits of +these temporary impulses. This help must not be given through +branding the acts as wicked or criminal, nor is moralizing itself +generally effective. Help must come through providing adequate +opportunities for play and games and work that will use up surplus +energy both of mind and body. Above all, help must come through the +healthy examples and the constant manifestation of high ideals in +the home. + +Every normal child will in time respond to these influences. There +are, unfortunately, some children that will not develop beyond this +stage of primitive, savage instincts; but such abnormal children are +rare and we cannot deal with them here. + +With the problem of reasoning, then, as with all other aspects of +child training, it is a question of understanding, of being in close +relations with one's children, and being able to fathom the workings +of their minds. + + + + +IX. + +WORK AND PLAY + + +All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. And it is this same lack +of play that produces so many dull men and women; for the spirit of +play is the spirit of youth and spontaneity and joy. Yet work and +play have so much in common that it seems unfortunate indeed that +all of us have not learned to retain our youth when work becomes +necessary. + +I trust that there are few to-day who still believe that play is +wicked. If we desire our children to grow up into healthy and joyful +and moral men and women, then must we consider play a necessity of +life. For play is more than merely a pleasant means for passing the +time; it is a school of life, it is a means for physical, mental, +and moral education. + +The young child, before he is old enough to play horse, or to +imitate other activities he sees going on around him, gets his play +from handling a rattle or a ball, from random movements of his legs +and arms, or from playing with his fingers and his toes. He derives +satisfaction from the sensations of touch and sight and sound, as +well as from the feeling of freedom and the sensation of his active +muscles. But this infantile play is not only satisfying to the +child; it is a means for learning the use of his little hands and +arms and legs. When the baby learns to crawl, and later to walk, he +derives pleasure from the exercise of his newly-acquired arts, and +at the same time attains perfection in the use of his limbs and in +the correlation of his muscles. He is also gaining strength with his +growth, for these muscles will not gain in strength unless they are +exercised. Of course, the child does not know about these advantages +of play; but the mother should know and give the growing child every +opportunity to exercise himself in every possible way; for thus +alone can he gain in strength, in endurance, and in confidence. + +When the child is a little older his play takes on new forms, for he +is now deliberately _making_ things: the chairs become wagons +and animals, the corner of the room may be made into a lake, a +pencil or a button-hook is quite long enough for a fishing pole, and +a handful of beans may be converted into all kinds of merchandise, +coins for barter, a flock of birds, or seaside pebbles. That is, as +the child's experience broadens, he finds more to imitate, he +exercises his imagination more, and combines into more complex plays +the materials he finds about him. But all the time the child is +_working_, as much so as an artisan at his task; and all the +time the child is _learning_, more rapidly probably than if he +were at school; and all the time the child is _playing_, that +is, enjoying the outlet of his impulses. + +[Illustration: Work is play.] + +Play has been called the ideal type of exercise, because it is the +kind of exercise that occupies the whole child, his mental as well +as his physical side--and later, also, the moral side. In play the +exercise is regulated by the interests, so that, while there may be +extreme exertion, there is not the same danger of overstrain as is +possible with work that he is forced to do. In play the exercise is +carried on with freedom of the spirit, so that the flow of blood and +the feeling of exhilaration make for health. + +When children begin to play at work their activities are not +entirely imitative, although the kind of work they choose will be +determined by the kinds of activities that go on about them. The +child has real interests in work; and these should be encouraged and +cultivated. The chief interest is, perhaps, the growing sense of +mastery over the materials which the child uses. He can make blocks +take on any form he pleases; although the first houses he tries to +build are apt to be just a random piling of his material, there +follows a growing deliberation and planning, so that he comes at +last to make what he has _intended_ to make, and not merely +produce an accidental result. + +The earlier plays of the child are not at all in the nature of +games; there is not at first the need for a companion. There is no +special order in which the various acts of his play have to be +carried out. When he plays horse on a stick, or is a parade all by +himself, or plays house in the corner, a few simple movements are +repeated until the child is tired of them, or until something occurs +to shift his interest. Nor is there in these early plays a special +point that marks the end of the interest. In games, however, these +three factors are always present: it takes two or more to play a +game; there is a definite order or succession of events, and there +is a definite finish or climax. And as we watch the children at +their games we can see their whole mental and moral development +unfold before us, for nothing is more characteristic of a child's +stage of development than the games in which he is interested. + +While we are content to let the younger children play as much as +they like--because very often the more they play, the less they +annoy us--we are all inclined to expect of the older children an +increasing share of work and a declining interest in play. Some of +us are even inclined to discourage the play instinct as the children +grow older, because we have come to think of play as something not +only frivolous and useless, but even a harmful waste of time. Now, +the educational value of play keeps pace with the development of the +child. That is to say, the child outgrows interest in games about as +fast as these lose their educational value. The new games that the +child takes up year after year always have something new to teach +him. + +[Illustration: Let them romp in winter as well as in summer.] + +The plays of the early period develop his sense perceptions, they +give practice in seeing and hearing and touching with quick +discernment. Then for four or five years play gives increased +mastery of the child's own body, and over the objects and materials +with which he plays. Running and jumping are for skill and for +speed; the competitive instincts drive each to do the best he can +for himself. Later the games give exercise in the adjustment of the +child not only to his material surroundings, but also to other +children; in other words, he learns to take his place among other +human beings. From the games in which the children take their turns +at some activity the timid child learns that he has equal rights +with others, and acquires self-confidence; whereas the child +disposed to be overbearing learns the equally necessary lesson that +others have rights which he must respect. Every child learns from +these games how to be a good loser as well as how to be a good +winner. Just those qualities that make an adult an agreeable +associate in business or in social dealings are brought out by these +games as they can be by no ordinary form of work which the children +have a chance to do. + +It is only in very recent times that we have begun to notice that +the work required of the children in the schools is of a kind that +either ignores the development of the social instincts or actually +hinders them, so that the moral or social effect of successful +school work is frequently very undesirable. When a child is set to +do some work by himself, even if the work is not too difficult for +him, there is no exercise for the social instinct, and the work must +be very interesting indeed to hold his continued attention. As the +child grows older there is increasing need for social stimulation of +the cooperative kind and less of the emulative kind. Where the +experiment has been tried of having the children approach their +school work as they approach a game, with the feeling of getting at +an interesting goal, with opportunities for each to do his best for +the whole group and to help the others, the work becomes as +interesting as a game, and acquires the same educational value as a +good game well played. In the home we might often get the necessary +work done with more expedition and with better spirit if we +recognized the child's need of constant outlet for his emotions, and +if we recognized the depressing effect of routine and solitude and +monotony. One of the chief reasons why working girls prefer to go to +shops and factories, as against domestic service, lies just in this +natural instinct for society. The work of the household has much +more variety than the work of a factory; but most of it has to be +done in solitude, without the stimulation that comes from the +companionship of others doing the same thing, or at least working +within reach of the voice. + +[Illustration: In their games they should learn to lose as well as +to win.] + +The truly wonderful transformations in character that have been +worked in girls and in boys by means of well-organized play have +taught us the moral value of team-work for the older children. In +these games, which come at a period when the child has already +acquired considerable skill and strength, the chief interest is in +doing the best for the team, so that the individual learns the +importance of subordinating himself to a common purpose. He learns +the joy of contributing his best to his "side" without considering +his individual glory or gains. In this way he acquires that negative +but very important side of self-control which consists in the +ability to _avoid_ doing what the impulse would drive him to. +He learns also the importance of dreary drudgery, in his practice +work, for acquiring special skill, and a boy will spend hours in +such dull practice, animated by the desire not to excel some other +individual, but by the desire to help his team win. He learns not +only to take his place in the game, but to judge his companions by +their special ability and by their value to the group, rather than +by clothes or personal feelings or other outward and incidental +facts. All these things the team game teaches as no mere +_instruction_, whether in school or home, can teach. + +We have learned from the results of these play activities with all +kinds of children in the city and in the country, of rich and of +poor, that the spirit of the game is not only capable of stimulating +the growing boy and girl to a tremendous amount of exertion, but +also of organizing his or her feelings and ideals into effective +moral and social standards. And when the same spirit is applied to +work, we can get the same valuable educative results, with the +addition of a higher appreciation of work as work than usually comes +from an early experience with doing necessary but disagreeable +tasks. For example, in one city the shop work of classes of boys was +organized on a cooperative basis. The boys worked in teams for the +making of desks or cabinets. The results, as measured by finished +product or by the quality of the workmanship, were far ahead of what +the same instructors could get from the same boys when the attempt +was made to stimulate the workers by means of prizes and individual +rewards. Children can learn to work together as well as to play +together. If you have noticed that two workers very often do half as +much work in a given time as one worker, it is because they have not +learned to work together--they have been denied the opportunity of +learning this, and now take occasion, when they do get together, to +do almost everything but work. + +There are many opportunities in the ordinary household to teach +girls and boys to do useful work in a spirit very similar to that +which they put into their games. It may not be possible to make all +the necessary work as interesting as games, but the remoter purpose +of the work, whether it is to accomplish something whose need is +recognized by the child, or the hope of some reward, should make for +close attention to the task in hand. For example, after a certain +age, sweeping and other household tasks lose their play interest; +but if the girl has become skilful enough to do the sweeping without +tiring, her recognition of the necessity of the work or her thought +of what she wants to do when the task is accomplished should make it +possible to get through with this work without a feeling of +hardship. Some educators approve of allotting definite tasks to the +girls and boys, and compensating them in definite amounts. This +gives them not only a measure of the value of their service, but +makes them feel the responsibility of each contributing toward the +maintenance of the establishment. The main thing is that the +children shall not look upon work as a cruel imposition; and to this +end we should develop the spirit of helpfulness and cooperation--and +to transfer this spirit, already developed in play, to the work that +has to be accomplished. + +One form of the expression of the play instinct has come lately to +arouse a great deal of public interest, and that is the dance. Books +have been written about the history of the dance, the esthetics of +the dance, the technique of the dance, the symbolism of the dance, +and many other aspects. What concerns the parent chiefly is to know +that the dance is at once a healthful exercise, an important aid to +social adjustment, and a valuable safety-valve for the emotions. + +With the rapid growth of our cities we have come suddenly to realize +that nearly half of the nation's children have no _place_ in +which to play, since the open fields and vacant lots have been +invaded by warehouses and factories and tenements. And so the +playground movement has gained rapid headway. Playgrounds have been +established, and placed in charge of competent and enthusiastic +leaders, who are teaching the children something they never should +have unlearned. But at the same time we are coming to realize that +the children in the country and in small towns, although they have +plenty of space, have not really had the opportunity to get the most +out of their play activities. It would seem that even the instinct +of play can be made to work to better purpose when it is +intelligently directed. It is our duty, then, to provide not only +play space and play time, but also play material and, where +possible, play direction. It is our further duty to keep alive in +ourselves, as far as possible, the spirit of play; for there is no +one thing that will do so much to keep us young and in sympathy with +our children as the ability to play as they play, and to play with +them. + +Excepting only the infant when playing with his fingers and toes, the +child must play with some _person_ or with some _thing_. The selection +of suitable toys becomes a more serious problem than is commonly +realized, when we once recognize the great influence of play upon the +child. + +Stepping into the toy shop, we are confronted by a multitude of +objects, the variety and quantity of which are distracting. +Everything that the ingenuity of man could devise is here presented +to our astonished eyes, and children gaze upon the great spectacle +and are delighted. If we go to the store just to be amused or to buy +_something_, a very indefinite something for a child of a +certain age, we are quickly satisfied. But if we have in our mind +some idea as to what is really good for the child who is to receive +the gift, it is just as hard to find the right thing to-day in the +immense, up-to-date toy store as in the little general store that +"also keeps toys." The manufacture of toys has grown to a tremendous +industry, but with no ideal behind it, no guiding educational +principle. Toys are made to sell,--having fulfilled that function +the manufacturer is not further concerned. Consequently, toys are +made to attract the eye; durability, use, and need from the child's +point of view are rarely considered. + +In selecting toys we must not consider what would amuse or entertain +its, but solely the child's need, and this need will differ at the +various stages in his development. + +[Illustration: Don't forget how to play with the children.] + +For the little child who has no skill, we want to get toys that +exercise the large muscles; he should have blocks that are large. It +is a common mistake to suppose small toys are suitable for small +children; within certain limits just the opposite is true. + +Young children can also use toys that merely need to be manipulated +without having much significance. Things that can be taken apart and +put together are enjoyed and are very instructive. + +A child should get from his toys a bare suggestion of the object, +and not a lifelike representation that will be of interest to the +critical adult. Refinement of finish and realistic representation +are entirely wasted on the child. A massive wooden dog or bird is +better than a furry or feathery one. It is enough of a dog or bird, +so far as the child is concerned, and if it can stand rough +handling, so much the better. For the little boy or girl an animal +that can stand up or be drawn about by a string is quite +satisfactory; but before the age of three years is reached the +animal must have movable parts, so that it may be put into various +positions, be made "to do things." + +At about three years of age the child also comes more and more to +see things in relation to each other and no longer as isolated +objects. At this time, if he has a cow, he wants also a stable in +which to keep her, the doll calls for a carriage and bed, and so on. +This is something to keep in mind in planning our purchases. + +Children like to reproduce in their plays the processes which they +see going on around them or about which they hear. This is in a way +their preparation for the activities of adult life. If the little +boy or girl wants to play farm, or menagerie, or laundry, or grocery +store, it is not necessary to buy the whole outfit at once. The +child will probably not be ready for it, and if he gets more than he +can comfortably use, he will be overwhelmed and many objects are +likely to be neglected. + +Let us say, for instance, that your little boy has received a +milk-cart and horse for his birthday and he has exhausted the +possibilities of play with them. Now here is Christmas, and you can +give him or make him a nice, substantial barn and someone else can +give him a cow. Immediately the possibilities for play are greatly +multiplied. He can take the cow to pasture, bring her into the barn to +be milked, take the milk to market and store away hay for the winter, +and so on indefinitely. In time he can have a well-equipped barnyard, +build pig-sties and chicken-coops with his blocks, and spend many +happy and instructive hours. A great advantage in having toys grouped +about some central idea is that several children can play at the same +time and each particular toy stays in use much longer than it would +otherwise. + +I have spoken of your little boy as the manager of the toy farm, but +in these days, when women are entering every profession, there is no +reason to suppose that it is not your little girl who will need +those things. Still, although we know that, in spite of traditions, +little boys like to play with dolls and little girls like to play +with other things, we shall, for the sake of convenience, stick to +the traditions and discuss the little girl in connection with dolls. + +There is nothing that will give your little daughter greater +pleasure and at the same time be more instructive than an +opportunity to run a whole doll house. By this I do not mean the +elaborate constructions that are sold in the large shops under that +name. No, a packing case, painted and divided into four parts, will +serve the purpose far better. Gradually the different rooms can be +furnished, and in the meantime there is plenty of fun and much +development in trying to maintain the family of dolls under pioneer +conditions, calling for all sorts of clever makeshifts. + +There are numberless things that will go to make up the little +girl's doll house, and her activities can be extended over the +entire period during which she cares to play with dolls. At first +she will be satisfied with handling her baby and putting her to +sleep. Later she will want to dress and undress it. Before long she +will have a whole family of dolls and will want to prepare their +meals for them, sew and wash their clothes, and keep the house in +order. These growing needs on her part are just as real as the needs +adults feel, and it would be just as unwise to get her a new doll, +when she needs most of all a wash-boiler for her kitchen, as it +would be to buy for yourself a picture, when you really need a pair +of new spectacles. + +All the different articles needed for the running of the doll's +house can now be bought separately. In buying the different +articles, the things to keep in mind are usability, simplicity, and +durability. The furniture that you buy or make must be able to serve +the ostensible purpose of doll's furniture. It is better to get one +chair that is of the right size for the doll, well proportioned and +strong enough to stand the handling of the owner, than a whole set +of "pretty" and flimsy and useless furniture that you can buy in a +gay box for the same price. + +Of course, it is understood that the principles of usability, +simplicity, and durability apply to the dolls themselves. It is now +easy to obtain dolls with indestructible heads and with jointed +bodies made of durable material. The little baby will love the doll +with a felt head. It can stand being loved hard without losing some +of its features. To give a little girl a doll that is so finely +dressed and so daintily constructed that she is permitted to come +out of her box only on state occasions is a violation of every sound +principle of child training and fair dealing. + +I have mentioned, as examples of the kind of toys that can be bought +singly and grouped about some central idea, the farm and the doll's +house, but, of course, there are many other things--railroads with +their equipment, dairies, stores of all kinds, etc. + +Besides the toys that are related to various lines of activity, each +child, as soon as he is old enough, wants the opportunity to work +with materials and tools. The youngest children can have beads to +string, mosaic blocks with which patterns can be made, etc. For the +older children you can get materials for sewing, painting, parquetry +work, and the like. There are boxes containing wooden and iron +construction strips out of which bridges, houses, airships, and all +sorts of exciting things can be made. + +For the growing boy nothing is more appropriate than some carpentry +tools of his own. Here again we must remember that it is better to +buy a few good tools and gradually build up an equipment than to buy +a set that looks well enough in the store, but goes to pieces under +real usage. + +A printing-press or well-constructed toy typewriter, a camera or +scroll saw, will afford hours of helpful amusement and instruction. + +Musical instruments are always acceptable. The metalophone is one of +the simplest from which you can get real music. The cheapest is just +as usable as the more expensive, although, of course, it does not +have so wide a range of notes. + +It is impossible to enumerate all the indoor group games that are +offered, but in selecting a game you must make sure that it really +has some sense in it, and that it does not stimulate the gambling +spirit, as do so many of the games with dice or a spinning wheel as +a part of the equipment. + +All toys that encourage healthy outdoor sports are worth while. A +great deal of the progress in toy-making has been along mechanical +lines, until we are confronted with the most intricate mechanical +contrivances. They are interesting at an exhibition, and most likely +the child will be attracted by them and will want them, but only to +look at and own. He will tire of them much more quickly than he +would of the simple, usable toy. In this respect the children of the +rich are to be pitied. They are overloaded with these expensive, +mechanical toys which overstimulate them at first and later bore +them. The educative value of simple games with sticks and stones, or +anything the child may happen to pick up, is far greater and calls +for more exercise of imagination and ingenuity and the other +qualities we desire to foster than is that of the elaborate +mechanical toys. + +It would be very desirable if all the skill and enterprise that is +devoted to the development of the toy industry were applied to +making toys simpler, more durable, and cheaper, instead of making +them more elaborate, more realistic, and more flimsy. However, the +desirable kinds of toys will not be manufactured in larger +quantities until an enlightened parenthood both demands them and +refuses to buy the glittering heart-breakers that look so charming +in the shop, but go to pieces in the child's hands. + +It is far better to have fewer and better toys than more of an +inferior quality. The thing to keep in mind is that a toy is neither +an artistic model, an aesthetic ornament, nor a mechanical +spectacle, but should be a stimulus to call forth self-activity, +invention, ingenuity, imagination, and skill. + + + + +X. + +CHILDREN'S GANGS, CLUBS, AND FRIENDSHIPS + + +"What a plague boys are!" sighed Mrs. Brown. "That White boy has +been getting our Harry into all sorts of mischief, and I can't make +Harry give up that gang." + +Mrs. Green agreed that boys were a plague. Her Jack went with a lot +of boys, too, and they were always up to some sort of tricks which +she was quite sure _her_ boy would never do if it were not for +those other boys. And Mrs. Green was right. Any boy will do things +when he is with the gang that he never would think of doing alone-- +and that he wouldn't dare to do alone, if he did think of them. Even +your boy--and mine, too, I hope. That's the way of boys. + +What we mothers will have to do is to stop fretting about the other +boys in the gang who spoil our boys, and about the mischief and +noise and dirty boots and staying away late for meals, and get down +to a practical way of making all the boys in the gang as we find +them into a lot of decent young men. We shall have to stop trying to +make boys do what it is impossible for them to do; and we shall have +to stop trying to keep the boys from doing what it is absolutely +necessary that they should do, if they are to develop into the +decent young men we have in mind. + +The modern way, the efficient way, of treating children is to find +out their instincts and then use these almost irresistible forces of +nature as a means of directing their development. And that is what +we shall have to do with the boy and his gang, and that is what we +shall have to do with the girl and her set. The boy is a more +serious problem because, under the promptings of his instincts, he +soon becomes indifferent to the attractions and amusements of the +home and seeks the companionship of boys of his own age, and he +seeks activities that cannot, for the most part, be carried on in +the home. The girl, on the other hand, remains much longer subject +to the will of her mother and to the conventions and standards of +the home; she remains for a longer period satisfied with the kinds +of activities that can be carried on at home. + +We have been told over and over again that the instincts of +childhood are all for activity, and a few of us have trained +ourselves not to expect the children to _be still_ all the +time. Of course, there are times when we simply must have them be +still, and, of course, we allow the teachers to insist upon the +children being still in school. But we recognize that they must play +and romp and run and shout, and we are willing even to spend public +funds for playgrounds. This shows that we can learn, and that we can +make use of our knowledge. It is necessary only that we extend our +knowledge of the instincts of our children just as fast as we can +make use of more. + +Up to the age of about ten, boys are apparently satisfied to play +games by themselves, or to play with others in ways that let each +look out pretty much for himself. At this age, however, a change +begins to appear. Now the boy tends to associate himself with others +of the same age, and before you know it your son "belongs" to some +"gang." Every street in a town and every corner in a city has its +gang. And if your boy has red blood and hard grit in him, he is a +member of one of these gangs. He can't help it. He does not join +because it is the fashion, or because he is afraid to keep out, or +because he has social ambitions. He joins because it is his instinct +to join with others in carrying on the activities to which other +instincts drive him. If you stand in the way of the gang, you are +fighting against one of the strongest forces in human nature. + +Now if you feel the way Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Green felt about the +gangs, I do not blame you. But you must not stop there. Let's try to +find out first what the gang means to the boys and what it means to +the race. When a boy joins a gang, he does not discard his instinct +for play or for running and shouting. He simply takes on a new +relation to the world about him. As a member of the gang, he still +runs and plays and shouts; but now he has become conscious of his +place in the world, and that place is with his fellow-members, +surrounded by all sorts of enemies and dangers and obstacles to his +well-being. In his gang he finds comfort and support for his +struggle with the outside world. Here he finds opportunity for +satisfying exchange of thought; here he finds sympathy and +understanding such as he can get nowhere else. + +The gang, without a written code in most cases, without formal +rules, without very definite aims, even, nevertheless has a moral +scheme of its own that every boy understands and lives up to as +earnestly and as devotedly as ever man followed the dictates of +conscience. The gang demands of the boy unfailing loyalty, and--what +is more--it usually gets it. Of how many other institutions or +organizations can as much be said? The gang demands fair play and +fidelity among its members, and it usually gets these. The gang +demands devotion and self-sacrifice of its members, and the boy who +cannot show these qualities becomes more effectually ostracized than +any defaulting bank official or corrupt politician. These fine +virtues, then--loyalty, honor, devotion--are cultivated by the gang +just at the time when the instincts for them are strongest, and at a +time when no other agency is prepared to do the work. + +For you will realize, when you once think of it, how much we coddle +the baby when he is cute, how we shower him with toys far in excess +of what he can use or enjoy, how we fuss and fondle him, and how +much thought we give to every possible and impossible want; and how, +on the other hand, we neglect the boy when he enters upon that most +unattractive, but very critical, age in which he finds other boys +more interesting than his sister and her dolls, when he cares more +for other boys than he does for his mother and her parlor, when he +thinks more of the "fellers" than he does of his teacher and her +lessons. Just at this time, when the boy is beginning to wonder +vaguely and to long just as indefinitely, we abandon him to his own +resources and to Mrs. White's Bob, the leader of the gang. + +The problem that confronts us is: How can we save and strengthen the +fine qualities which this spontaneous association with other boys +produces without encouraging the lawlessness and the destructiveness +and the secretiveness of the gang? First of all, we mothers must +recognize not only that the boy cannot be happy without his +associates, but also that the social virtues will never be developed +in him at all if we keep him at home away from the others or +restricted to one or two play-mates--which we may like to select for +him. Then, when this is perfectly clear to us, we will take the next +step, which will be to use all the resources of the homes and of the +community to change the antisocial gang into a club. The difference +between a gang and a _club_ is not a matter of clean clothes +and "nice" manners. It is a difference in mental attitude. The gang +has rules and it has power. The club has put its rules into form and +it _knows_ what it can do and what it wants to do. In other +words, the gang is a casual, random group that drifts about in the +village or in the city, subject to every passing influence, whereas +the club is a deliberate, purposeful organization with definite aims +and developments. Both meet the needs of the growing boy for +association; both give the social instincts and virtues suitable +opportunity for exercise. + +This problem of giving the boys a chance to get together and do what +their instincts drive them to do is not one merely for the mothers who +can provide for their boys little or no supervision, and whose boys +play in the streets and vacant lots. The problem is just as great in +the case of the well-to-do, who provide constant supervision for their +children. Indeed, it is a serious question whether the condition of +the children of wealthier families is not in this respect more +dangerous than that of the less wealthy. With the boys of the street +the problem is how to divert the activities into suitable channels; +with the closely-guarded boys of the wealthy the problem is how to +develop the spirit of loyalty and self-sacrifice and honor, which have +been suppressed by the restricted and artificial associations of the +solicitous home. Both kinds of boys must be left free to form their +own associations, but the groups must be so directed in their club +activities (without, however, suspecting that they are being directed) +as to connect their interests with lawful amusements, civic needs, and +social relations. The great danger is that when adults take a hand in +these matters they fix their attention upon the civic and moral +virtues and overlook the instincts of activity and sociability which +call the gang into being, and the club degenerates into a preachy +Sunday- school class. + +[Illustration: The boys need a chance to get together.] + +In organizing clubs, or rather in presenting opportunities for the +organization of clubs, we must recognize that bodily activity, +taking the form of athletics, or of workshop effort, or of camping, +hunting, etc., is a fundamental condition of healthy growth for the +boys and girls. As every group must have its meeting place, this +should be first provided, and it should be of a nature that allows +gymnastics and hammering and boxing to go on without any +restrictions beyond those required by the nature of the little +animals. That is, there is need for sleep and rest and meals--and +perhaps certain definite hours for school and church--but beyond +such disagreeable though necessary interruptions the meeting place +of the club should be a busy place at all decent hours. We are +tempted to force literature and debating upon our clubs; these +things usually come later, and appeal at best to but relatively few +boys. Literature and debating are good, but they can never take the +place of parallel bars and boxing gloves and hammer and saw. + +We are also tempted to pick out the boys for the clubs that we are +interested in. This is a serious mistake. It is this sort of thing +that causes the failure of so many well-meaning attempts to redeem +the children of the "slums" or of the street. We must let the groups +form spontaneously; the boys' instincts are keener in detecting the +sneak and the coward and the traitor than yours are, and if the club +has the right start, the undesirable citizen will either adopt the +morals of the club or be squeezed out. And the right start is +chiefly a good meeting place. It is here that the church and the +school and the home can cooperate. In the larger cities the +settlement has pointed the way by carrying on practically all of the +work with children through the medium of clubs. + +It is not necessary for every parent to furnish a suitable meeting +place; indeed, each club needs only one meeting place. But every +home can contribute something. If you have not the suitable garret +or barn or shed, you can supply the baseball outfit, or the Indian +clubs, or the work-bench, or some of the tools. You can lend your +homes for those not very frequent occasions when the boys are quite +satisfied to have a quiet evening of table games or theatricals, or +imitation camp-fire with chestnuts to roast and songs to sing. You +can make up lunch-baskets for fishing or tramping trips, or you can +sew tapes on the old pants for "uniforms." + +It does not matter so much _what_ you do, so long as you do as +much as you can, and, above all, if you show an "interest." The bond +of sympathy and intimacy that comes from such an understanding and +from the hearty cooperation of the home with these natural instincts +of the children is an immense gain to the individual parent, as well +as to the individual child. Instead of friction and opposition of +forces, there results a cooperation of forces that all make for +good. + +As for the community, the village or town that can provide meeting +places for all of its groups of young people, under the direction of +those who understand them and sympathize with them, with suitable +equipment for physical activities of all kinds, can make no better +investment of the money that such a venture would cost. For it is in +such association that the boys and girls learn to be members of a +group, and eventually of the larger group that includes us all. The +good citizen is the one who has developed the instincts of loyalty +and devotion and self-sacrifice and honor, and has directed them +toward the community. The bad citizen is the one in whom these +virtues were never developed, or one in whom these traits remain in +the gang stage. + +In the attempts that have been made to direct the instincts of +children we have given the boys much more attention than the girls, +for the simple reason that the boys have given us more trouble. +Still, the girls should not be neglected. They are entitled to all +the advantages that can be derived from organized opportunity to +associate with one another and to develop the social virtues. They +should also have the opportunity for physical exercise and +development which the boy gets because he makes violent demand for +it, but which the girl needs just as much. + +It has been found unwise to have mixed clubs of boys and girls in +the early years, and even later, when girls and boys could +profitably associate together, they like to have their separate +groups for special activities. For the strictly sociable times, +however, boys and girls may be brought together at any age. + +Apart from the other advantages to be gained from the club, the girl +or boy will be saved from his friends. There is a real danger that +children who do not get into larger groups will take up with a +single chum or intimate. While it is true that many lasting and +valued friendships start in these early years, the danger is +nevertheless a serious one. Chums or intimates, in their tendency to +get away from other people, may do nothing worse than carry on silly +conversations; but they may also read pernicious literature and +develop bad habits. Activities in a group are more open and less +likely to be of a secret nature. + +Intimacies at this early age will spring up for all kinds of +superficial reasons. In a study made some years ago these were some +of the reasons given for the formation of friendships: "We were +cousins," "He taught me to swim," "We had the same birthday," "She +had a red apron," "Her brown eyes and hair," "Neither of us had a +sister." A large proportion of the children who were questioned gave +as the only reason for their intimate friendship the fact that they +"live near each other." However absurd these reasons may appear to +us, we are compelled by what we know of the child's mind to respect +these attachments. But if there is any danger in the intimacy--and +there often is--the only remedy is encouragement of association in a +large group. "There is safety in numbers." + +So, whether we are more concerned with the mischief done by the +gang, or with the danger of intimate chums, whether we care more for +the development of good citizenship in boys and girls, or merely to +make the children happy while they are growing up, it is necessary +for parents to use all the means at their disposal to organize and +encourage the social activities of the young people to the fullest +extent. + + + + +XI. + +CHILDREN'S IDEALS AND AMBITIONS + + +When you take pains to instruct your children in the way they should +go, it is because you have in mind certain standards of what a child +should do, or of what kind of an adult you wish your child to +become. In other words, you look to your ideals to guide you in the +training of the child. We all appreciate more or less vaguely the +importance of ideals in shaping character, and for this reason we +value ideals, although it is considered smart for adults to sneer at +ideals and idealism--which are supposed somehow to be opposed to the +"practical" affairs of life. But in a way there is nothing more +truly practical than a worthy ideal. + +Where there is no vision the people perish; and that is just as true +of the individual as it is of a nation. Moreover, it is the +_youth_ who shall see the visions and draw from them the +inspiration for higher and better things. Fortunately, every normal +child develops ideals. It is for more experienced people to provide +the opportunities for the formation of desirable ideals, to guide +the ideals after they are formed into practicable channels, to use +the ideals to reinforce the will in carrying out our practical +purposes in the training of the child. + +You no doubt find it easy enough to recognize and to encourage +ideals that are in harmony with your own, or that seem to you worthy +and likely to have a favorable influence upon your child's career or +character. When five-year-old Freddy says that he wants to become a +lawyer or a doctor, you encourage him. You say, "That's fine, my +boy," and in your mind's eye you see him climbing to fame and +fortune. But when Freddy says that he wants to be a policeman and +marry the candy-lady, you laugh at him, and you certainly do +_not_ encourage him. But in Freddy's mind doctor and lawyer +mean no more than policeman; they involve no more important social +service, they mean no more dignity in personal position, they +suggest nothing more of anything that is worth while. For whatever +it is that Freddy wants to be at any moment is to him the sum of all +that is to him worth while--and that is just what an ideal ought to +be. + +This is not a plea to cruel parents in behalf of smoothing Freddy's +path toward the coveted post--or the course of his courtship of the +candy-lady's daughter. It is simply an effort to point out how +important it is to avoid shattering early in life that precious +mirror in which alone visions are to be seen. When you have +ridiculed the policeman out of further consideration, you are likely +with the same act to have weakened Freddy's faith in ideals--and to +this extent you have loosened one of the safest props of his +character. We need not be afraid of the crude and short-sighted +ideals of the young child. With the growth of his experience his +ideals will expand. We should fear rather to infect him with the +vulgar disrespect for all ideals. + +In a few years Freddy has his heart set on charting the blank spaces +on his geography map, and he has never a thought for the girls. It +is the same Freddy, but he has in the meanwhile roamed far from the +home neighborhood--in imagination--and has discovered new heroes and +new types of heroism. The policeman and the candy-lady are still at +their old posts, but Freddy ignores them because his ideals have +grown with his experience and his information, as well as with his +bodily growth and development. + +Study of thousands of children in all parts of this country, in +England and in Germany, has shown that the young people begin to +form ideal images of what they consider desirable, or beautiful, or +right rather early in life. They form ideals of virtue as well as +ideals of happiness, and these ideals reflect their experiences and +their surroundings to a remarkable degree. Thus, there are +differences between the ideals formed by country children and those +formed by city children, between the ideals of poor children and +those of wealthy ones, between the ideals of English children and +those of American or German children. But, aside from all these +differences, it is found that the ideals vary with the sex of the +child, and also with the age, so that each child passes through a +series of stages marked by characteristic types of ideals. + +As early as the age of nine years children have expressed themselves +as looking forward to "doing good" in the world, or to making +themselves "good." The age at which this impulse to service or to +personal perfection may take form must depend upon many things +besides the peculiar characteristics of the individual child. +Jessie's ideals concerning "being good" will be shaped by what she +hears and sees about her. If you speak frequently about the foreign +missions, she may think of being good as something that has to do +with the heathen. If the family conversation takes into +consideration the sick and the needy, Jessie's ideal may be dressed +like a Red Cross nurse. If you never speak of the larger problems of +community welfare, or of social needs, or of moral advance in the +home, where Robert has a chance to hear you, he can get suggestions +toward such ideals only after he has read enough to become +acquainted with these problems and the corresponding lines of +service for himself. + +Answers received from hundreds of girls and boys would seem to show +that virtue and goodness are desirable to children at a certain +stage of their development chiefly, if not solely, because they +bring material or social benefits. Virtue is rewarded not by any +internal or spiritual satisfaction, but by freer access to the candy +supply or to the skating pond. The right is that which is allowable, +or that which may be practiced with impunity. The wrong is that +which is forbidden or punishable. Of course, this attitude toward +moral values should not continue through life. We should do what we +can to establish higher ideals of right and wrong. How soon this +change will come must depend very largely on where the emphasis is +laid by those around the child. If, when you give Robert a piece of +candy, you always impress him with the idea that this is his +compensation for having been "good," he will retain this association +between virtue and material reward long past the age when he can +already appreciate the satisfaction that comes from exercising his +instinct to be helpful, or from doing what he thinks is right. If, +however, the idea in the home is that all goes well and all feel +cheerful and happy because every one is trying to do the right +thing, the various indulgences and liberties will mean to the child +merely the material manifestations of the good feeling that +prevails, and not rewards of virtue. So far as possible, rewards and +punishments should be directed toward the _deed_ and not the +child. The aim should be to make the child derive his highest +satisfaction from carrying out his own ideals of conduct, rather +than from the reward for that conduct. The approbation of those he +honors and loves should gradually replace the material reward. + +To the child the ideal of success may mean two entirely different +things. At one stage it may mean the satisfaction of accomplishing a +set task, whether selected by himself or imposed by some one else. +Later, it comes to mean excelling some other child in a contest. +Even a child of four or five years gets a great deal of satisfaction +from contemplating a house he has built out of his blocks, or the +row of mud pies. This satisfaction gradually comes to be something +quite distinct from the pleasure of _doing_, and is an important +element in the ideal of workmanship. As the child grows older the +ideal of successful accomplishment grows stronger, and, if it is +retained throughout life, it contributes a large share toward the +individual's happiness. + +Most of the school activities of our children lay too much emphasis +upon the ideal of successful rivalry, and too little upon the ideal of +high achievement. The ideal set before the children is not frequently +enough that of doing the best that is in them, and too frequently that +of doing merely better than the neighbor--which may be poor enough. +Some of the work done with children in clubs, outside of schools, has +brought out the instinct for an ideal of achievement in a very good +way. Richard came home quite breathless when he was able to report +that he could start a fire on a windy day, using but a single match! +In some of the more modern organizations, for girls as well as for +boys, graded tasks are assigned as tests of individual proficiency or +prowess. Every girl and every boy must pass these standards, without +regard to what the others do. The result of encouraging this ideal is +likely to be an increased sense of responsibility, well as an +increased self-respect; whereas the ideal of "beating" others may in +many cases keep the girl or boy at a rather low level of achievement, +compared to the child's own capacity. + +This competitive ideal is illustrated by the girl who is ambitious +to stand at the head of her class, and receives encouragement +enough. But we give very little thought to the child whose ideals +are for service to others or to the community. It is very often the +same child that at one time glories in successful emulation under +the encouragement of our approval, and that later fails to develop +the germs of altruistic ideals because we fail to recognize, or at +least to encourage, them. We cannot expect from the schools an early +change of emphasis from the competitive type of ambition to the +ideal of cooperation or service, although the teachers who have +tried to encourage the latter have found the school work to proceed +more satisfactorily than it does under the spirit of emulation. But +in the home it should be much easier to encourage these higher types +of ideals, for we do not have to set one child against the other, +and there is greater opportunity for individual service on account +of the greater differences in the ages and attainments of the +children. + +It is interesting and significant that, of the thousands of children +who have given expression to their ideals and ambitions, a very +small number--less than one in every hundred--have appeared to be +quite content with themselves and with their surroundings. The +normal child craves for some thing better, and roams as far afield +as his knowledge and opportunities let him in his search for the +best. It is during the years from the tenth to the fifteenth or +sixteenth that this search is keenest, and during this period we +should present to the children every opportunity for becoming +acquainted with what has been considered best in the history of the +race. The reading that the boy or girl does at this time is perhaps +the most important source of ideals. + +The selection of suitable books for the young is in itself an important +problem, and one that many of us are apt to neglect. It is impossible to +judge of the desirability or suitableness of a book from its appearance, +or from its price, or from the standing of its publishers, or even from +the repute of the author. Many attractive-looking books are not only +worthless, but positively objectionable. If it is not possible for you +to examine carefully each book that you consider buying, you should make +use of an annotated list, or seek competent counsel in some other form. +Through libraries and various associations it is now possible to obtain +carefully prepared lists that will be helpful in selecting books for +children of all ages. + +An interesting point that has been brought out by studies is the +fact that degrading ideals are practically wanting in children. You +were no doubt shocked to discover that Eddy was planning to become a +burglar, or a pirate chief, or a tramp, or an ordinary highwayman. +But a careful analysis of the motives and experiences of the boy +will show that the particular feature that Eddy admires in his hero +is far removed from the ones that shock you. The boy is dreaming of +travel and adventure, of the excitement of chasing or of being +chased, of trying his ingenuity in conflict with the professionally +ingenious minions of the law, of being brave in the face of danger, +of testing his fortitude in the time of trouble, of the loyalty of +his comrades to himself as leader, or of his loyalty to his chief +when the latter is beset by his enemies. But courage and loyalty and +fortitude and ingenuity are no more degrading ideals than are +material possessions and intellectual accomplishments. Only it +happens that many boys find these particular ideals embodied in +heroes and personalities that we feel we must disapprove for various +reasons. Robin Hood appeals to the children not because he violated +the laws of the land or because he deprived people of their +property, but because he was brave, and clever, and just, and kind +to the poor. + +In comparing the ideals of children raised in the city with those of +children raised in the country, interesting differences appear. The +city children are in general less inclined to be altruistic than +country children at the same age. On the other hand, city children +draw upon a wider range of characters from history and from fiction +for their ideals. In the matter of future occupations, city children +were often satisfied to mention some preference from the various +occupations of which they had heard, without elaborating the +details, whereas the country children, although they did not select +from so wide a range, frequently described special features of some +occupation as the interesting elements leading to a choice. + +From the various studies that have been made we may see that the kind +of ideals that a child is likely to have depends a great deal upon the +_people_ with whom he becomes familiar, upon the _ideas_ with which he +becomes familiar, and upon the _activities_ with which he becomes +familiar. The child should have an opportunity to discover the best +that is available in his immediate environment. His earliest heroes +should be his parents; then the acquaintances near home should furnish +the qualities that will arouse his interest and admiration. It is a +mistake to thrust upon the child ideals ready made and imported for +the purpose. A hero thrust upon the young imagination may do service +for a while, but is likely to be discarded later when that particular +hero's virtues really need to be kept before the child much more than +they did in the earlier period. George Washington and his hatchet have +furnished us a legend that is a good illustration of this. The hero is +dressed up to be attractive to children of nursery age, and endowed +with nursery virtues. When the children grow up and so outgrow their +nursery ideals, they discard interest in and admiration for George +Washington: this is a serious loss to our national idealism. + +The results of the studies also indicate how significant is suitable +literature in the formation of ideals. A comparison of returns from +girls with those from boys throws an important side light on this +problem. In nearly every group of answers received it was evident +that most girls, when they get to a certain age, adopt ideals that +are decidedly masculine. The explanation of this seems to lie in the +fact that the characters of history and of literature with whom they +become most familiar are those showing distinctly masculine +qualities. There are real differences between the mind of a girl and +the mind of a boy, and these should be taken into consideration in +their training. There is great need for the clearer recognition and +sharper definition of distinctly feminine ideals. It is not enough +to transfer some imitation masculine ideals to the minds of our +girls. + +We should make a special effort to discover our children's ideals, +for several reasons. First of all, by knowing what the girl or boy +has nearest the heart we shall be able to enter into closer sympathy +with the child, we shall be able to understand much of the conduct +that would otherwise baffle as well as annoy us. In the second +place, by watching the rise of ideals we shall be better able to +direct the child's playing and his reading and those other +activities that are needed to supply the experiences and ideas that +seem to be lacking, or to discourage tendencies that seem to us +undesirable. In the third place, if we know our children's ideals we +can make use of these as motive forces in helping us to carry out +our larger plans. It is when the boy is in the military stage of his +ambitions that we should try to make the virtues of the soldier +habitual parts of his character. It is when the girl is ambitious to +make a fine garden that we should try to make her fix the habits of +orderliness, regularity, and attention to details. Of course, not +every girl will want to have a garden, and many a boy never cares to +be a soldier; but at every stage there are ideals that can be called +upon to fix the heart upon certain virtues until the latter become +habits. + +It is very easy to ridicule the ideals and ambitions of children when +they seem to us too high-flown or futile. But a person's ideals stand +too close to the centre of his character to be treated so rudely. It +is better to ignore the many trifling flights of fancy that are not +likely to have any permanent effect, and to throw the child into +circumstances that will force the emergence of more deep-seated or +far-reaching ambitions. + +There is another danger in the ease with which a child's faith in +ideals is destroyed, when these happen to interfere with our own +immediate comfort and desires. When a boy has gotten into some +mischief with his friends, and is the only one caught, we are +tempted to bring pressure to bear upon him to make him tell who the +other culprits were. Joe is ready to take his own punishment, and +that of his fellow malefactors, too, rather than "snitch." But for +some reason we feel that "justice" demands the conviction of every +individual involved. The conflict is not between our sense of +justice and the boy's stubbornness or wilfulness; it is rather a +struggle between our demand for retribution and the boy's ideal of +loyalty. If, through threats and cajolery or more indirect methods, +we at last succeed in finding out that it was Mrs. Brown's Bob who +was responsible for the whole affair, we have at last broken down +Joe's inclination to act according to certain ideal standards. Joe +has fallen in his own estimation beyond calculation. It is better to +let Bob go "unpunished" than to make Joe go back on his principles. + +One important outcome of a study of our children's ideals and +ambitions should be the direction of their vocational choices. We +have read of Benjamin Franklin's father, who took his boys about to +various shops with a view to helping them make up their minds as to +what kind of trade they should follow. Nowadays we should consider +this method rather crude; but for a variety of reasons most of us do +not do even this much for our children. A study of children's plans +and hopes for their future work brings out the fact that the desire +to "earn money" as a motive in the choice increases up to the age of +twelve years, and then declines rapidly. This may be taken to mean +that, apart from the enlarged range of interests that comes with +increased experience, there is also an efflorescence of the fancy +that leads to increased concern with ideal ends. This is confirmed +by a comparison of the choice made by children of well-to-do +families with those made by children of rather poor people. The +children of the poor, in tragically large numbers, appear to accept +the fact of working as a necessity of life; they accept this +doggedly as a matter of course. The children of more prosperous +families, on the other hand, though frequently expressing +preferences for the same kinds of occupations, have their hearts set +on the joy of achievement, or on the ideal of service, or on the fun +of _doing_, in much larger proportions. + +From answers written by English children in a factory district these +examples are typical: + +A boy of eight: "I should like to be a Carpenter. Because my mother +says I can be one." + +A girl of twelve: "I should like to go out when I am older to earn +my own living." + +Another girl of twelve: "I think it would be nice to go out to a +situation." + +In contrast with these are the answers given by children of the same +ages who came from homes of culture, if not always of wealth: + +A boy of eight: "I would like to be like Major ---- because I like +carpentering very much and he carpenters beautifully. Once he bought +a box for his silver and there was one tray to it and he wanted to +make little fittings for the silver so first he painted some names +on some paper of all the different things he had; then he cut them +out and supposing he wanted to put knives and forks quickly he would +have a little name written down where they ought to go and he made +the fittings most beautifully quite as well as any shop would." + +A girl of thirteen: "One thing I should like to do would be to be a +very clever naturalist, and to know everything about everything +alive or in the country world." + +A girl of ten: "I should like to be a piano teacher, when I grow up, +for then I shall be able to learn to play many pieces of poetry." + +A part of this difference is no doubt due to the fact that in many +families there are traditional ideals of the obligations of +privilege, which the children readily imitate; or to the fact that +these children do not have to think about the necessity of earning a +livelihood, and so give their attention to the enjoyments that can +be derived from various kinds of activity. + +The subject of vocational guidance, which has come into great +prominence during the past few years, includes so many ideas that +are confusing and misleading that large numbers of people have +become alarmed and are fighting the movement. In the first place, +the title itself is misleading. Most people do not enter upon +"callings" in the true sense of that word; they get into some kind +of occupation or business, but could just as readily have adjusted +themselves to any one of a thousand other occupations. Then the +matter of _guidance_ is misleading. It is impossible for anyone +to-day to undertake to guide young people into their occupations. +All that can be hoped for is that children may be given an +opportunity to find out about the different types of work that need +to be done, and about the different human qualities that are of +value in the various occupations. + +The question that concerns the parent is: What special inclinations +has the child that can be utilized in a future occupation? It is not +so much a question of making full use of your child's talents as it +is of giving him an opportunity to do the kind of work in which he +will be most happy. Society at large is interested in conserving all +the different kinds of ability, but the individual child is +concerned with realizing his own ideals, with living, so far as +possible, his own life. At the same time, the evidence which we have +on the subject--not very much, to be sure--shows that there is +really a close connection between what a child likes to do and what +he can do well. It is, of course, true that one can learn to do well +what at first comes hard, and then learn to like it. But we must not +forget that strong inclinations must be carefully considered when +future work is being decided upon. + +Our children are so imitative that a child with marked talents will +occasionally not reveal these in surroundings that lay emphasis on +qualities unrelated to these talents. So many a boy with high-grade +musical ability will fail to show this where music is looked down +upon as something unworthy of a man. In the same way children will +develop ideals in imitation of what goes on around them. Every child +is likely at some time in his career to look forward to money-making +as the most desirable end in life; but most normal children will +pass beyond this ideal before adolescence. If, however, the +atmosphere in which the child lives is one of money-getting, the +child without strong tendencies toward other ideals is likely to +allow this ideal to persist into adolescence and young manhood or +womanhood. In such cases the ideal becomes fixed without indicating +that the individual is "by nature" of an avaricious temperament or +materialistically inclined. + +The same principle of imitativeness would, of course, apply to other +ideals. This explains to us why the recurrence of certain ideals or +modes of life in successive generations of a family leads to the +supposition that there are "hereditary" elements at work. It is also +a good reason why we should guard against the contaminating +influence of unworthy ideals. It is impossible for us to carry about +imitation virtues and fool our children into imitating them. + +Children begin to form their ideals early in life, and their first +standards are derived from the people and the things about them that +contribute to their pleasures--sweets and parents and the heroes of +the fairy tales. + +As the child's experience broadens he borrows ideals from new +acquaintances and the characters he meets in his reading. + +The child absorbs from his surroundings, from his acquaintances, and +from his reading, as well as from the instruction that he receives +in school or in church, materials for building a world of what +_ought_ to be. And in this world he himself plays a very +important role. We must therefore make sure that the materials for +ideals which are within our control shall be of the best. + +Loose conversation, cynicism, open disrespect for the noble things +in human character, lack of faith in human nature cannot be +exhibited to the child day after day without having their sinister +effect. It is true that some children, here and there, will resist +these unfavorable influences, and will come out of the struggle +strong and self-reliant, with faith in their own ideals and with +faith in mankind. But we cannot afford to treat the developing +character of the child on the theory that it needs exercise and +temptation as a gymnast needs exercise and trying tasks. The +temptation that becomes a habitual stimulus to wrong doing or wrong +thinking has no moral value. The child is only too ready to follow +the path of least resistance, and the temptations will come aplenty +after the ideals begin to form. + +High ideals in the home, and not merely good words; loyalty to +ideals and a spirit of confidence in the children, are needed to +give the children that confidence in themselves which they need to +make them loyal to their own ideals when these are out of harmony +with vulgar fashion. + + + + +XII. + +THE STORK OR THE TRUTH + + +"Mother, where do babies come from?" + +Some day you will be asked this question by your little girl or your +little boy--if you have not already been asked. What will your +answer be? + +Even if you have been accustomed to giving frank answers to your +children's questions about all sorts of subjects, you are likely to +hesitate when it comes to this. You will be tempted to say what you +were probably told yourself, under similar circumstances. You will +perhaps say that the doctor brings babies in his satchel, or that +the stork brings babies in his bill. Or perhaps you will feel +impelled to tell Harry to go out and play, and ask you again a few +years later when he will be old enough to understand. + +The telling of a myth like the stork story is harmless enough for +the time being. We have entertained Santa Claus for ages without +undermining the morals of our children. And we shall continue to +retell the fairy stories, for, although they are not, strictly +speaking, "true" stories, they have their place in the life of the +child. Why can we not go on, then, as we have done in the past, +leaning upon the stork? + +The difference between the story of where babies come from and the +story of Santa Claus or Mother Hubbard is a very important one. +Santa Claus and Mother Hubbard represent ideas and interests that +are but passing phases in the child's development, whereas knowledge +about reproduction is something that grows in interest with the +years and reaches its deepest significance just at the time when you +can hardly, if at all, regain your hold upon your child, once you +have lost it. It does not matter much who disillusions your child +about Santa Claus. The disappointment is brief, and soon the child +can look upon the legend as a joke. But it does matter very much who +tells your child that the stork story is all a lie, and _how_ +he is told. + +It is well for mothers to realize that the embarrassment which they +may feel when this question is first asked is quite foreign to the +child, for the child at this time has no knowledge whatever of sex. +To him it is simply a question for satisfying his momentary +curiosity. Later on, when the child has become aware of the idea of +sex, he is not likely to ask his mother embarrassing questions, or, +if he should ask them, the situation would be equally embarrassing +to both--unless you have in the meanwhile kept in close sympathy +with your children, and they feel that they can come to you with any +question and be answered frankly. And the way to keep them in close +sympathy is by meeting frankly every question as it arises. It is +not necessary to answer every question by telling everything you +know; it is necessary merely to tell enough to satisfy the child's +immediate need. Not only, then, does your frank answer tend to keep +the child in touch with the mother, but you protect him in this +manner against going for his information to sources that are +frequently contaminating. The information that boys and girls give +one another about sex matters is often something appalling, not only +in its distance from the truth, but in the amount of filth with +which it is encrusted. It is the desire to keep his mind clean, +then, that should prompt the mother to tell her child what he wants +to know when he wants to know it. A third consideration is found in +the fact that many children, when they do not receive satisfactory +answers to their queries, will reflect and brood about the subject +to a degree that becomes morbid. This is especially likely to happen +where the subject of the child's inquiry is treated as though it +were an improper or a wicked one to speak about, so that the child +dares not ask others for enlightenment. + +That the early answering of the child's questions may offset both +morbid curiosity and the danger of resorting to filthy sources of +information is illustrated by the story of a seven-year-old boy who +was invited by an older boy to come to the wood-shed for the purpose +of being told an important secret. "If you promise not to tell any +one," the older boy began, "I will tell you where babies come from." +"Why, I know where babies come from," replied the second, not +greatly interested. "Oh, yes you do! I suppose you think that a +stork brings them? Well, you're 'way off there. The stork ain't got +nothing to do with it," the instructor continued breathlessly, for +fear of being deprived of his opportunity to impart his precious +secret. At last the secret was out; but the younger replied, coolly, +"That's nothing. My mother told me that when I was four years old." +Since the matter had ceased to be a secret, and since the story even +lacked novelty, all opportunity for the elaboration of details was +destroyed. + +But what can you tell to a child of four or five? For that is the +age at which the question is likely first to present itself. +Remember that the child is not asking a sex question, but one about +the direct source of himself, or about some particular baby that he +has seen. You can say that the baby grew from a tiny egg, which is +in a little chamber that grows as the baby grows, until the baby is +big enough to come out. This will satisfy most children for a +considerable time, but some children will immediately ask, "Where is +that little room?" To which you may reply, "The growing baby must be +kept in the most protected place possible, so it is kept under the +mother's heart." Or, you may say that the baby grew from a seed +implanted in the mother's body, that it was nourished by her blood +until it grew large enough, when it came out at the cost of much +suffering. Of course, you will tell the story as personally as you +can, about your particular child, and in as simple a way as you can. + +If you tell the little girl or boy this much you have told him all +that he probably cares to know at this time; you have told the truth +so that you have nothing to fear about his being disillusioned +either as to the story or as to your own trustworthiness; and you +have avoided arousing the suspicion that certain subjects are +unworthy of understanding. And then you will find that this new +conception of his relation to you, as truly a part of your being, +will deepen and strengthen his natural feeling of affection and +sympathy. It is also well with the first telling to impress the +child--in so many words, if necessary--with the idea that he must +always come to you for anything he wants to know, and that you are +always glad to tell him. + +As the child grows older his knowledge of life must grow also. In +the country and in small towns the child becomes familiar with many +important facts about life without any special effort being required +to inform him. He learns that chickies hatch out of eggs and that +the eggs have been laid by the mother hen. He learns that the field +and garden plants grow from seeds and that the seeds were borne by +the mother plants. He learns about the coming of the calf and the +colt; and even city children can learn that kittens and puppies come +from mother animals. It is a comparatively simple matter for a child +with such knowledge to get the further information that the baby +brother developed from an egg that mother kept near her heart during +the hatching time. Much of this knowledge that the country child +acquires incidentally must be brought to the city child through +special efforts and devices, in the school as well as in the home, +that he may acquire the fundamental facts of bearing and rearing +young, in plants as well as in animals, and that he may look upon +these facts not as strange or disconcerting marvels, but as natural +happenings. + +Miss Garrett, one of the most successful teachers of sex and +reproduction, tells the story of some city boys who had been taught +these things, and who had decided, in their club, to raise rabbits. +The selection of a father rabbit and a mother rabbit was too +important a matter to leave to a committee, so the whole club went +in a body to attend to these preliminaries. The care the boys took +of the mother rabbit during her pregnancy was in itself an +education. Later Miss Garrett saw the leader of the club--who had +been the "toughest" of the gang--with another boy on the street, +while a pregnant woman was trying to cross with a heavy basket. +"Come on, Jim," he called, "let's help her across." This same boy +but a few months back would have ridiculed the poor woman in her +plight. + +Every child can learn what Jim and his companion learned. He can +learn to respect motherhood and to be considerate of mothers as +mothers. It is very interesting to see the great differences in this +regard between families in which the fact of motherhood is a secret, +and those in which it is a matter of common knowledge. I was +visiting a friend whose six-year-old boy knew that another baby was +expected, and he was very careful to avoid annoying his mother. Of +course, the attitude of the other members of the family also had an +influence upon the conduct of this child. But another mother +complained that she received very little consideration during +pregnancy from her oldest son--a boy of fourteen--although all the +other members of the family were as careful and as thoughtful as +could be desired. This second mother, however, had allowed her older +boys to grow up on the assumption that sex and reproduction had +nothing to do with life, or, at any rate, were of no concern to them +and were not suitable subjects to know about; so that her boys did +_not_ know that something unusual was in the air, or that +something special was expected of them. + +The important thing for the mother to do during these growing years +is to retain the confidence of the children, and to give them an +opportunity to become acquainted with the everyday facts about +plants and animals. The questions that come to the child's mind will +be questions of motherhood and babyhood, chiefly, and not questions +of sex or fatherhood. When these questions do at last arise, as they +are sure to almost any time after twelve years, and sometimes even +before, you have a great advantage if your child brings his +questions to you instead of to his casual acquaintances of the +school or street, even if you are not prepared to answer all the +questions for him. The girl will come to her mother, and the boy +will come to his father, if they have acquired the habit of coming +with frankness and confidence. Then, if for any reason you are not +qualified to tell what needs to be told, you may just as frankly say +so and refer the child to the right instructor, who may be a teacher +or the family physician. Older children may even be sent to suitable +books. But the most desirable condition is that in which the parents +have prepared in advance to answer all the questions themselves, and +even to anticipate some questions. + +[Illustration: In the country children become acquainted with the +facts of life.] + +The child should receive instruction along these lines at various +stages in his development, even up to young manhood or womanhood, +corresponding to his physical development and to his mental +development, which normally proceed in close relation to each other. +The girl should be informed how to care for her health. The boy +should be instructed about the sex life of the opposite sex to know +what they have a right to expect, or rather what they have no right +to demand of the other. Boys during the adolescent period, which has +been called the "age of chivalry and romance," are keen to +appreciate the rights of others and their own duties to the weak; it +is at this time that we are to appeal to their sense of honor in +establishing ideals of purity, and the sense of responsibility as +bearers of the life stream. The standards of sex morals are +established during this period, for girls as well as for boys. Their +strength to time of temptation will lie in the ideals which now +become fixed. We want our girls to grow up demanding purity of the +young men they will meet, not pretending that they do not know the +difference. And we want our boys to grow up with faith in the +literal truth of that fine line about Sir Galahad: + +His strength is as the strength of ten, because his heart is pure. + +The parents who wish to prepare themselves with a knowledge of what +to tell their children in place of the old stork fable; of when to +tell, instead of postponing to a dishonest "some other time"; and of +_how_ to tell, instead of in the embarrassing, half-expressed +vagueness, would do well to read some of the abundant literature on +this subject that has been issued in recent years just for our help: +Some of the best titles are given below. + +The following titles, with comments, are taken for the most part +from "A Selected List of Books for Parents," issued by the +Federation for Child Study: + +BIOLOGY OF SEX. By T. W. Galloway. A concise and reliable statement +of fundamental sex facts. + +GIRL AND WOMAN. By Caroline Latimer. Very helpful in understanding +and dealing with the physical, mental and moral disturbances of +girlhood and early womanhood. Some of the recommendations, +particularly regarding physical aspects, are open to question. + +MARRIAGE AND THE SEX PROBLEM. By F. W. Foerster. Emphasis is laid +upon the religious and spiritual sides of the emotional life, upon +training for self-control and the mastery of moods and instincts. + +SEX. By Patrick Geddes and J. Arthur Thompson. The biological +aspects of sex and also interesting chapters on sex education, the +ethics of sex, and sex and society. Good bibliography. + +SEX EDUCATION. By Maurice A. Bigelow. Covers the problems of sex +education and of criticisms of sex education. + +SEX EDUCATION. By Ira S. Wile, M.D. An excellent little volume for +the purpose of assisting parents to banish the difficulties and to +suggest a plan for developing a course in sex education. The chapter +on terminology is most helpful. + +THE SEXUAL LIFE OF A CHILD. By Dr. Albert Moll. An exhaustive study +of the origin and development in childhood and youth, of the acts +and feelings due to sex. Indispensable to anyone interested in sex +education. + +THE SEXUAL QUESTION. By August Forel, M.D., Ph.D., LL.D. Translated +from the German by C. F. MARSHALL, M.D., F.R.C.S. A comprehensive +and reliable study of the subject from biological, historical, +social and hygienic viewpoints. + +TRAINING OF THE YOUNG IN LAWS OF SEX. By the Hon. E. Lyttelton. A +brief presentation, from a lofty point of view of the many phases of +the sex problem as it confronts the boy. + +The following books on sex education were written for children. They +are listed here, not to be put into the hands of the young, but as a +help to parents in supplying methods of approach and a usable +vocabulary: + +THE RENEWAL OF LIFE. By Margaret W. Morley. + +THE SEX SIDE OF LIFE. An Explanation for Young People. By Dr. Mary +Ware Dennett (Pamphlet, published by the author, New York.) + +THE SPARK OF LIFE. By Margaret W. Morley. + +THE THREE GIFTS OF LIFE. By Nellie M. Smith, A.M. + +Special studies in many parts of the country, especially during the +war, have made it clear that girls in the adolescent stage are +definitely aware of the need for clean and trustworthy instruction +on matters pertaining to the relations between the sexes, to the +control of the emotions, to the care of the body during the +menstrual period, and to other problems arising from the facts of +sex. + +It is pathetic, is it not, to have a high-school girl write: "Some +parents are ashamed to tell their girls everything, so that is why I +think they should be told in school." Whose parents had she in mind? + +Another writes: "There are many girls with no mother or very near +female relation that can tell them all they need to know, and if +anything should happen in a girl's life, she does not think it +proper to speak to a male, even if it is her father." Are the girls +who have mothers or "very near female relations" to be none the +better, or happier for it? + +I hope that mothers will not continue in the future, as most have +done in the past, to hesitate about giving such information to their +children. If you are perhaps tempted to feel that you would like to +preserve the child's innocence as long as possible, you have but to +realize that innocence is not the same as ignorance. We are apt to +forget how young we ourselves were when we had obtained one way or +another a large mass of information about reproduction, and even +about sex. The question is not whether a young child should have +this information or not; the question is whether he shall have +correct and pure information, or false and filthy information. For +one or the other he is sure to get. True knowledge is the best +mantle of innocence. + +Much misery is caused, not only for girls, but also for boys, by the +lapses from the path of virtue. If the young man who has gone astray +is in a position to say, "Had I but heeded!" instead of saying, "Had +I but known!" it will make a great difference in the way he will +later feel toward the one person from whom he had a right to expect +protecting knowledge. It is true enough that knowledge alone is not +a sure protection against wrong-doing; but you can have no moral +training without knowledge, and knowledge is the least you can give. + +There is no reason why parents should think of enlightening their +children on this subject as a disagreeable necessity, instead of as +one of the important means through which to be of real help to their +children, and at the same time to help themselves to retain their +hold upon the children. + + + + +XIII. + +THE GOLDEN AGE OF TRANSITION + + +There comes a time in the life of every boy and every girl that +brings a maximum of trials and worry--to the other people. This time +is the golden age of transition from childhood to manhood or +womanhood, the age of adolescence. If you have had annoyance and +hardship with your infants, if the children have perplexed you and +tried you--as you thought, to the limit--you may be sure that there +is more in store for you. For the age of adolescence brings with it +problems and perplexities and annoyances that will make you forget +that it's any trouble at all to look after younger children. + +After years of painstaking attention to all the details of a child's +home surroundings, in the hope that this attention will result in +distinct gains to the child's character, it must be very discouraging +to notice some fine day that Louise is becoming rather finicky about +the food--which is just as good as she has always had--and that Arthur +is inclined to become rather short in speaking to his mother--not to +say impudent. And both are likely to become critical not only about +the food but about a hundred other things that they find at home. And +both are likely to be something not far from impudent in giving +expression to their criticisms. In fact, they will be quite prepared +to undertake the education of their parents, and to tell you with +alarming assurance just how and when to do things, both at home and +abroad. Fortunate, indeed, are the parents who have come to this +critical stage in their education equipped with a sense of humor. + +However, these unexpected and mortifying outbreaks of inconsiderateness +and bad manners do _not_ show that your early efforts have all been in +vain. They do _not_ show that outside influences beyond your control +have perverted your children, or have counteracted your efforts. They +show merely that Louise and Arthur are still growing, and have now +entered upon that most interesting and most significant period of the +new birth. + +It is well, first of all, for the mother--and the father, too--to +realize that this period is a passing one, for this knowledge can +save you many a worried day and many a sleepless night. I do not +mean that when the child comes to this dangerous age you are simply +to let nature and impulse have their way. I mean only that the +problems are to be met with many devices, but not with worry. For we +are coming to understand some of the fundamental causes of the great +changes that occur in the nature of the growing child at this time, +and we are learning, accordingly, better ways of dealing with the +troublesome manifestations of these changes. Not that we can lay +down rules for the proper handling of all adolescents everywhere, +for we can not. Every individual is a problem by himself; but we can +learn a better way of approaching this precious problem, a more +helpful attitude to maintain toward him or her. + +There is a physical basis for the remarkable alterations in the +minds and morals of this age. The infant grows very rapidly at +first, but with a diminishing rate until about the twelfth year. +Then, almost suddenly, the rate of growth increases again, and in +four or five years most children have attained nearly their full +physical growth. Associated with this great physical growth is the +fact that some organs grow much faster than others, so that the +proportions of an adult come to be very different from those of a +child. In the meanwhile, however, there has been a great strain on +the system, because, apart from the demands of the general body +growth, some of the organs have not been able to keep up with the +special demands made upon them. For example, the growth in body +weight and in muscle may proceed more rapidly than the proportionate +growth of the lungs or the liver, or the weight may increase more +rapidly than the proportionate strength of the muscles. Moreover, +the nervous system is developing at a more rapid rate, probably, +than the other systems of organs, and this strain shows itself in +various ways that are disagreeable to adults with fixed habits and +standards. + +All of these changes are intimately bound up with the development of +the sex organs and with the approach of sexual maturity. + +A graceful child becomes awkward and a well-mannered child comes to +act rudely and to speak quite unlike his former self. These changes +are related to the fact that with the development of the nervous +system there arise impulses for hundreds of new kinds of movements +which the child can learn to suppress or to control only with the +passing of time. This is the age at which the child is exposed to +the acquirement of many undesirable muscular habits, such as various +kinds of fidgetings, biting of the finger-nails, twirling of +buttons, wrinkling of the forehead, shruggings, swaying the body, +rolling the tongue, tapping with the fingers or the feet, and so on. +Nearly a thousand of these uncontrolled or "automatic" movements +have been described in children of this age. Of course, any of these +movements that produce sounds or that catch our eye are very +annoying to us, and if we have never nagged before, we are likely to +begin now by saying _Don't this_ and _Don't that_, for we +have never been tempted like this before. But nagging is not what is +called for. + +Are we then to let them keep on annoying others, or are we to leave +them to themselves to make permanent these awkward and disturbing +and often hideous movements? We should do neither. We should +remember that now of all times the boy or girl needs our friendship +and our sympathy; we should let the young person feel that our +objections are not based upon our momentary annoyance, but upon our +concern for the kinds of habits he will acquire; and we should do +what we can to help him break his habit, not insist that he break it +for us. Moreover, it is not certain that all of these fidgetings and +tappings should be suppressed upon their first appearance. Most of +these automatic movements disappear of themselves as the child +matures and learns to direct his nervous energy into channels that +lead to useful actions, as he acquires skill and self-control +through practice in gymnastics or with tools, or musical instruments +or at some games. And while there should be every opportunity to +play games and musical instruments and to handle tools, etc., we +should not be discouraged if, after a whole day of hard exertion in +work and play, there is still some energy left for drumming on the +table or teasing sister or the cat, or for dancing a jig upstairs +and rattling the lamp. + +Closely connected with the rapid development of the nervous system +is the fact of the increasing irritability of temper. This will show +itself every day in a hundred ways. Of course, it is unreasonable, +and, of course, the boy or girl is not to be allowed to become rude +and impatient and domineering. But with this increasing irritability +comes increasing sensitiveness, and it is very easy for you to make +him realize that his conduct is not that becoming a gentleman, or +that his manner has been offensive. He will not give you the +satisfaction, very often, of letting you know that he fully +appreciates your point of view; indeed, he will even make a show of +disputing your position; he will try to argue out a justification +for his conduct, or at least a mitigation. But he knows very well +what his offense is, and is thoroughly ashamed of himself; but he +has to save his face. + +It may be helpful to mothers and fathers, and to others who have to +do with girls and boys of this age, to know that what appears to us +as impudence is very often but an expression of the child's awkward +attempt to hide his discomfiture or embarrassment. This is +especially true in the early stages of adolescence. The boy or girl +is becoming conscious of himself as a person, and resents being +treated as a child; the only way he knows of asserting his +personality is by affecting an air of disdain toward those who +presume to treat him as a child. This swagger is more likely to be +put on when there is a third person present. It is therefore always +safer to reserve your discussions and corrections to the time when +you are alone with your girl or boy, and can place your conversation +on an intimate basis. + +Hand in hand with spells of most irritating self-assertiveness, the +adolescent is subject to spells of most depressing humility and +self-abnegation. Indeed, at every point this period is marked by the +most violent contrasts and alterations of mood. Hours or days of +seeming indifference to all interests and activities will be +followed by keen excitement and enthusiasm. A fit of doubt in his +own ability and worthiness will be followed by almost ludicrous +self-confidence. A feverish desire for constant companionship will +follow a dull and moody search for seclusion and solitude. In +general it is perhaps wisest to ignore these changing moods, except +where they find their outlet in offensive or vicious conduct. We +must remember that it is just as trying to the young person as it is +to the older ones; and, while we may not be prepared to yield our +comfort and our standards to the whims of the girl or boy, we should +seek for adjustment through sympathetic exchange of ideas and +sentiments, and not through arbitrary rules. In any case, these +changing moods need not in themselves be considered occasions for +misgivings and worry about the future development, for they are part +and parcel of the rapid changes in the nervous system. + +So complex is the character of this stage that volumes have been +written about it; it has been recorded in song and in literature, +and has been celebrated in religious ceremonials from ancient times. +If, then, the mother finds it perplexing, and somewhat beyond her +full comprehension, she certainly should not blame herself. + +It has been said that the complexity of the individual during +adolescence is due to the fact that at this time the brain and the +whole body become at last awakened to their manifold capacities, and +that the child now is not only capable of doing everything that a +human being can do, but feels the impulse to do everything. But +manifestly he cannot do all things at once; hence the rapid changes +of impulse and mood. There is a sudden increase in emotions, without +suitable habits for giving them an outlet. There is vague longing +and formless yearning for the child knows not what. Much relief and +satisfaction come from physical exertion, especially for boys. There +is much satisfaction of the emotions from association with others; +hence the growth of the gang and the feeling of kinship. + +Adults, with their limited interests and their appreciation of the +need for specialization in the practical pursuits of life, are often +inclined to look with disfavor upon the growing girl's or boy's +"dabbling" in a hundred different directions. Not content with +athletics and hunting, the boy will want to collect stamps or birds' +eggs, to make a motor-boat and learn telegraphy; to take photographs +and try his hand at the cornet; to experiment in chemistry and stuff +an owl. Not content with dancing, sewing and cooking, the girl will +want to master several poets and make attempts at painting; she will +want to become more proficient at the piano and do some singing; she +will want her share of photography and athletics, and would try her +hand at writing a novel. All these things seem so distracting to us +that we fear either that the young person will become a superficial +dabbler or will fail to settle down to something serious. But much +is to be said in favor of letting every girl and boy do as near to +everything he or she wants to do as possible. Expertness can come +later when a choice of a specialty has been made. Now is the time +for touching life at as many points as possible, for acquiring +breadth of outlook and range of sympathy and interest. Now +especially is the time for trying out the individual's capacities-- +which may lie quite beyond the range of the conventional pursuits of +the family or the neighborhood. It is the time for self-discovery, +and to this end every bit of help that can come from the home and +from the church, from the school and from the community, from direct +experience and from literature, should be utilized. + +The danger of early specialization is shown to us when we +contemplate men and women who have no interests beyond their rather +narrow routine occupations, who have no sympathies beyond their +rather narrow set of intimates, who have no appreciation of human +character and human service beyond the small circle into which they +settled in their teens, and from which they can by no possibility be +drawn. It is because the formation of new habits becomes +increasingly difficult after the sixteenth or seventeenth year that +narrow prejudices and biased opinions should be avoided by +participation in the broadest variety of activities and +associations. Before the conflicting moods and tendencies are +finally welded into a consistent whole the girl or boy should make a +part of his personality as many sources of enthusiasm, as many kinds +of interest, as many lines of sympathy as possible. In a few years +the character begins to "set," and the _size_ of the character +will be in large part determined by the number and variety of +emotional, intellectual, sensory, and muscular elements that have +been developed during this adolescent period. + +One of the characteristics of this age is the tendency to hero +worship. It is so difficult to know in advance what types of heroes +our children are going to select that we are inclined to feel quite +helpless in the matter. But it is safe to say that earlier training +is sure to have its effects, although we cannot always measure the +effect. A boy in whom a keen sense of honor shows itself before +adolescence is not likely to adopt a hero in whom there is a +suspicion of anything sneaky. The new flood of emotions brings with +it a host of new aspirations and new ideals; and some of these are +likely enough to conflict with the older childish ideals. It is +therefore of the utmost importance that the reading--which is +perhaps the chief source of model heroes for most children--should +be of a wholesome kind. This does not mean that the stories must be +about paragons of virtue; the villains of fiction and history have +their value in teaching life and character, and we need not fear +that they will contaminate the minds of the young, for in most +children the instincts may be relied upon to reject the allurement +of the base character. But fiction that is false in its sentiment, +that does not present truthful pictures of life, is likely to give +perverted ideas of human relations and false standards of value. +City children who have access to the theatre often get their heroes +from the stage; and the same thing may be said about the drama as +about fiction. It is only the too highly colored and exaggerated +melodrama that is likely to be objectionable for the impressionable +youth. The moving-picture shows, which are coming to supply so many +of the children with their chief opportunity to learn life, have +been, on the whole, fairly wholesome; and the movement to secure +more adequate censorship of the films will probably leave these +sources of instruction perfectly safe, from a moral point of view, +so far as concerns the knowledge of life that the adolescent gets. +The only real danger from the "movies" and the theatres is likely to +be the cultivation of the habit of passive entertainment. + +And this suggests another source of puzzles of adolescence. In the +alternating moods of excessive exertion and indolence there is the +possibility of girls and boys learning the value of alternation of +work and play and rest. But there is also the danger of acquiring +the habit of resting all the time, and leaving not only the work for +others, but also the activity of play. It is much better for +children to rest because they are tired than because they are lazy. +And, while it is true that the instincts are all for activity, it is +easy enough for the growing individual to acquire the habit of +passive absorption of whatever amusement is provided. It is better, +then, for the young people to get their entertainment out of +theatricals than out of the theatre, out of playing games than out +of watching games, out of having adventures in the woods and in the +water than out of reading about them. And, in every way, the most +reliable safety-valve of the period is constant activity, as this is +the best outlet for the many and conflicting emotions which are the +source of the chief difficulties. When Arthur shows signs of getting +restless it is a great comfort to be able to send him off on some +errand, or to give him a definite task to do. But it is also a great +service to the boy, for while he is at the work there is being used +up the nervous energy that would otherwise appear at the surface as +another "spell." And this principle is just as true for girls as it +is for boys. Only you cannot send the girl to a piece of work +requiring great bodily exertion--nor does she need this so much. + +Work is not only a satisfactory safety-valve for the emotions in +general, but it is especially valuable as a means of diverting the +thoughts and feelings from the growing consciousness of sex. + +One of the reasons why it now becomes more difficult for even +thoughtful and considerate parents to keep in close sympathy with +the boy or girl is this outburst of new and varied interests, which +clamor for movement and color and quick changes. The parent has in +the course of years settled down to a relatively small group of +activities and interests, most of which offer no appeal to the +growing individual. For instance, you would like to come close to +the thoughts and feelings of your growing son or daughter; you +suggest that you take a walk together. Now, it is very nice for a +middle-aged person to take a walk, alone or with a companion; but +the girl or boy sees no sense in taking a walk unless you wish to +get somewhere. The ordinary conversation and gossip that a girl is +likely to hear when you take her to visit a friend is apt to be very +stupid--to the girl. Even where the parents have watched the +expanding soul closely on the one hand, and have kept themselves in +touch with a variety of activities rich in human interests on the +other, they often find that the intimacy with their children is for +a time weakened, and fully restored only after the latter have +passed through these trying years. + +What is likely to be the greatest source of grief on the part of the +parent is the apparent lapse of the growing boy or girl from +standards of honesty and truthfulness with which she has so +solicitously tried to imbue him or her. But this lapse during the +critical growing period is so widespread, so common among boys and +girls who afterward become fine men and women, that special students +of the problem have come to believe that semi-criminality is quite +normal, at least for boys, at this age. Now, while some children are +perhaps by nature incapable of attaining to a satisfactory moral +level, most children will, under suitable surroundings, grow away +from this state of lying and stealing; but under adverse conditions +these distressing features of their behavior may become habitual. +Suitable surroundings and treatment would here consist of the +presence of good models and high ideals, sympathetic help in +resisting temptation, and not in a harsh denunciation of each +unapproved act as evidence of turpitude and perversion. You need not +assume that there _is_ perversion until that is demonstrated +beyond any doubt. For, if the child is morally redeemable, he should +be treated like one who is weak and who needs help until the +difficulties are mastered; otherwise you are likely to encourage in +him the feeling that he is hopeless, and he will relax all effort +for his own self-mastery. + +Along with the emotions related to romantic love there is a rapid +development of the religious side of the nature, of a consciousness +of the race as a whole, of a spirit of chivalry and disinterestedness-- +all emotions that bear a tremendous motive power which needs to be +guided into suitable channels. Never before and never again has the +individual the endurance and the energy for such self-sacrifice, for +such devotion, for such exertion in behalf of the purest of ideals. At +the same time, the increased sensitiveness shrinks from every sneer +and every evidence of misunderstanding or unsympathetic reproof. It is +therefore unwise to tease the girl or boy about the "friend" of the +opposite sex; it is cruel to sneer at their ambitions, and it may be +positively demoralizing to ridicule their ideals. + +A mother of unusual intelligence, who had devoted herself not only +to the routine work connected with her household and the care of her +children, but had made special efforts to keep informed on what was +going on in the world of thought and practical affairs, and who had +a busy life of varied activities, was walking along a city street +with her youngest son--just fifteen. The adolescent, who was rather +free in his comments on what went on around him, made this pretty +little speech to his mother: + +"Mother, I think you have a very petty mind. Here you fuss around +trying to help out that poor V---- family by getting together +clothing for the children, and an odd job for the old man once in a +while. And you have been trying to raise a fund to complete the +education of the W---- boy, and all things of that kind. But all you +have done does not help to solve the problem of poverty." + +The mother, who had indeed been carrying on these various good +works, alongside of many other activities, naturally resented the +criticism of her son. But what she minded most was the "inconsistency" +of the boy when, a few minutes later, they passed a street preacher +with a crowd about him. They could not hear what the man was saying, +but the wise young adolescent remarked, "I wish I had some money to +help that fellow with." + +Now, thinks the mother, what do you know about this man's purposes; +what is he working for? + +The boy did not know; but he wanted to do something "to help the +cause." What cause, he did not know--and did not care; for him it +was enough that here a man is devoting himself to a cause. + +And this incident illustrates nearly everything that makes the +adolescent so puzzling and so exasperating to older people. + +First of all, he had gotten hold of a large idea, which he could not +by any possibility understand in all its bearings; and on the basis +of this he criticises the charitable efforts of his mother and, +indeed, of her whole generation. Not only does he criticise the +prevailing, modes of philanthropic effort, but he condemns these +good people as having "petty" minds--because they do not all see +what he has seen, perhaps for as long as a day or two. His attitude +is not reasoned out, but arises from the deepest feelings of +sympathy for the great tragedy of poverty, which he takes in at one +sweep without patience for the details of individual poor people. +Then the preacher on the street corner, exposing himself to the +gibes and sneers of the unsympathetic crowd, appeals to him +instantly as a self-sacrificing champion of some "cause." It is his +religious feelings, his chivalric feelings, that are reached; he +would himself become a missionary, and the missionary is a hero that +appeals especially to the adolescent. There is no inconsistency +between his disapproval of specific acts of charity and his approval +of the preacher of an unknown cause. In both instances he gives +voice to his feelings for the larger, comprehensive ideals that are +just surging to the surface of his consciousness. + +This is the period in which you will one day complain that the young +person is giving altogether too much time and thought to details of +dress and fashion, only to remonstrate a few days later about his +careless or even slovenly appearance. On the whole, however, the +interest in dress and appearance will grow, because as the +adolescent boy or girl becomes conscious of his own personality he +thinks more and more of the appearance of his person, and especially +of how it appears to others. There is even the danger that the boy +will become a fop or a dandy, and that the girl will take to +overdressing. Argument is of little avail in such cases. The +association with persons of good taste who will arouse the +admiration or affection of the growing child will do more than hours +of sermons. If the boy can realize that one may be a fine man +without wearing the latest style in collars, or if the girl finds a +thoroughly admirable and lovable woman who does not observe the +customs of fashion too much, neither ridicule nor protest will be +necessary. + +In general, the adolescent will give us exercise in patience and in +imagination and in ingenuity. He will puzzle us and perplex us as +well as exasperate us. But if we cannot remember back to our own +golden age, we must try as best we can to believe that even this +will pass away. + + + + +XIV. + +HEREDITY AND ENVIRONMENT + +With special assistance from +BENJAMIN CHARLES GRUENBERG, Ph.D. + + +The frequent appearance of the "black sheep" in a flock of tolerably +white sheep, the frequent failure of the best efforts of parents and +teachers to make a fairly decent man out of a promising boy, have +led many to question whether, after all, the pains and effort are +worth while. We have come to question the wisdom of bothering about +"environment"; just as we sometimes question the existence of a +principle called "heredity." Every day some one asks the question, +"Do you believe in heredity?" And many times a day people discuss, +"Which is more important, heredity or environment?" + +These are certainly _practical_ questions for parents, since +the answers we receive must influence our practice or conduct in +relation to the children. If we felt quite sure that heredity was +everything and environment nothing, we should reduce our school +appropriations and build larger jails and asylums, or we should +resign ourselves as best we could to letting "nature take her +course." On the other hand, if we felt sure that heredity was +nothing and environment everything, we should proceed at once to +double our school equipment, raise the teachers' salaries, convert +our penal institutions into reformatories and our armories into +recreation centres, and advance the age of compulsory education just +as far as we thought we could afford to. + +Those who place the emphasis upon heredity, in the attempt to +discredit the value of thoughtful and painstaking control of the +environment of the developing child, usually remind us that a man +like Lincoln achieved power and distinction in spite of what we +would ordinarily consider serious obstacles to complete development, +whereas thousands of college graduates who have had all the +advantages that trained tutors and guarded surroundings can give +have developed into mediocre men and women--have even developed into +vicious and criminal men and women. They will remind us that from a +class of children that had the same teachers for many years has +emerged a group of very distinct men and women; they will remind us +that brothers and sisters with the identical "environment" turn out +to be so different. + +On the other hand, those who see nothing in "heredity" will point to +the same Lincoln and ask confidently why his ancestors and his +descendants do not show the same degree of power and achievement. +They will point to the same family of brothers and sisters who had +the same "heredity" and ask why they all turned out so differently. +The black sheep proves just as much--and just as little--for one +side of the argument as it does for the other. + +There are, it is true, many people who say that they "do not +believe" in either heredity or environment. Such people see the +difficulties of the disputants and reject both alternatives. They +prefer to say frankly that they do not understand the situation; +that life is too complex to be solved by puny human intellects. Or +they resort to some equally unintelligible explanation, such as +"Fate" or "Nature"--which is but another way of saying that we never +_can_ understand. On the other side stands the scientist who +refuses to shut his eyes to _any_ established facts, and +insists upon trying to understand as much as possible, though he may +never hope to understand all. + +But no one is prepared to say authoritatively that either heredity +or environment is the exclusive or even the predominant factor in +determining the character of the individual. Indeed, the voice of +the scientist, which is the only authoritative voice we have in such +matters, is telling us very plainly that the whole question of +"heredity _or_ environment" is not a real question at all: we +are confronted in every child with a case of heredity _and_ +environment, and the practical question is how to control the latter +so as to get the most from the former. + +To begin, then, in a modest way to understand what is understandable, +in the faith that understanding will grow with thought and +observation, is the first duty of those who are not content to fold +their hands in resignation or despair. We know that we can control +wherever we have real knowledge. The cook knows that she cannot make +roast duck out of pork chops; but she knows also that she can make +palatable and digestible pork chops by proceeding in one way, and that +she can make tough and sickening pork chops out of the same materials +by changing her procedure. In the same way the scientific approach to +the problem of child training teaches us that, while we cannot make a +"swan out of a goose," we can make the gosling into a better goose or +a poorer goose by the treatment we apply to it. + +A frequent source of doubt and misunderstanding is the universal +occurrence of such distinct types among brothers and sisters. The +query at once arises, "Have not these children the same heredity?" +Brothers and sisters have the same ancestors, but not the same +heredity. Recent biological discoveries teach us that the individual +develops from a bundle of units derived from the two parents, but the +units supplied by a parent never represent the totality of the +parents' composition, nor do all the units that are passed on come to +manifest themselves as parts of the character. The parent passes on +sample units from her or his own inheritance, so that no two +combinations are ever exactly alike. It is a commonplace observation +that Johnny may have his maternal grandmother's chin, his paternal +grandmother's eyes, his father's walk, his Uncle George's lips, his +Aunt Mary's sharp tongue, his grandfather's alertness, and his +mother's good judgment. Of course, he has _not_ his grandmother's eyes +or his uncle's lips: these relatives still retain their respective +facial organs, and his father still has his quick temper. What Johnny +has inherited is a something, perhaps in the nature of a ferment, +which _determines_ the color of his eyes, a certain something that +makes his lips develop into that particular shape, a certain something +that causes his brain to respond to annoyance in the same manner as +that of his Aunt Mary's. And the various ancestors and relatives have +received from their parents similar determining factors that have +manifested themselves in similar peculiarities. We do not inherit from +our relatives, or even from our parents: we are built up of the same +elements as those of which our relatives are built, but each one of us +has received his individual combination of factors. Hence, no two +brothers or sisters are exactly alike, although they have the same +parents and the same ancestors. + +While it is universally recognized that no two individuals are +exactly alike, we are not at all clear in our minds as to whether +the important differences arise from differences in experience or +_nurture_, or from essential differences in _nature_. We +know that children of the same parents are essentially different +from birth, and that no matter how similar the treatment they +receive afterward they will always remain different, or even become +more different as they become older. It is becoming more clear every +day, as a result of scientific study, that every individual is +absolutely unique, excepting only "true" twins. + +If we accept this individuality of the person as a fact, what, then, +is the importance of training or environment? Does not this +admission settle at once the contention of those who see no value at +all in a carefully-controlled environment? If this child is +_born_ without mathematical ability, what is the use of +drumming arithmetic into his head; or, if he is _born_ with +musical genius, why should we bother about teaching him music?--he +will "take" to it naturally. + +The answer to these and similar questions is to be found in the +answer to another question, namely, "What is it precisely that the +child is born with?" Surely no child is ever born with the ability +to dance or sing or to do sums in algebra. When we say that a child +has musical genius we mean merely that as he develops we may notice +in him a certain capacity to acquire musical knowledge more readily +than most other children do, or a certain disposition to express +himself in melody, or a certain liking for music in some form, or a +certain readiness to acquire control of musical instruments. In +other words, the child is born with a capacity for acquiring certain +things, from the outside, that is, from the environment--he is born +with certain possibilities, which can become actualities only if the +suitable conditions are provided. In the same way one child is born +with a capacity for exceptional muscular development, and another +for exceptional self-mastery. But in every case practice makes +perfect, the muscles must be properly nourished and exercised, the +will must be trained--and that means suitable environment. + +Now, while every individual is unique, not every child is a born +genius. The distinctiveness of each child lies in the fact that he +consists of a _combination_ of capacities and tendencies, each +of which varies in degree when compared with other individuals. For +example, Evelyn has about the same capacity for physical work as +Annie, but she stands lower than the latter in arithmetic and higher +in language work. John shows about the same physical power as Henry, +when measured by running and jumping and chinning; but John can hit +the ball with his bat more times out of a hundred than Henry can, +whereas Henry can hit the bull's-eye with his rifle more times out +of a hundred than John can. In a thousand details any two children +differ from each other, one excelling in nearly half of the points, +the other excelling perhaps in about as many, and the two standing +almost exactly alike in some matters. + +A child that excels most of his colleagues in one or a few points is +said to have marked ability in that direction--as the exceptional +athlete, or the child with exceptional literary or moral feeling. On +the other hand, a child that seems to measure well up to the average +in most points, and even to excel in a few, may fall far short in +some matters,--that is, may be deficient. Thus a perfectly good +child in every other way may be unable to master the ordinary +requirements in arithmetic, or a child may have an entirely +satisfactory development in every way and be deficient in musical +discrimination. + +Another kind of difference is to be found in what may be called +general capacity. Some children show higher capacity than the +average along nearly every line that can be measured or tested, +without showing a preponderance in any one direction. Such children +are said to be of high grade, or of high "vitality." In the same way +many children are below the average in nearly every line, without +being particularly defective along any one line. They can do one +thing about as well as another, just as the high-grade boys and +girls can do one thing about as well as another; but in the former +there is a limit to the possible development which is exceeded in +the latter. Among both classes of children the full development +depends upon suitable environment, but what is suitable for one may +not be suitable for the other. + +From a consideration of these differences in degree and difference +in kind we may see that there is no course of training or treatment, +no method of instruction, no trick for the mother or for the teacher +that will be usable for all children under all circumstances, to +make them all come up to some preconceived uniform standard. On the +other hand, if we consider the differences as worth developing, and +even emphasizing, it must be obvious that the training and the +treatment should be adapted to the individual child so far as +possible. Starting out with essentially different human beings, +uniform treatment will not make them all alike, nor will _any_ +treatment make them all alike. But starting out with a particular +human being, we can learn to treat him in such a way as to make him +develop into a more desirable person than he would become if he were +neglected or if he were treated differently. And that is the main +problem, after all. + +The relation between heredity and environment may perhaps be made +clear by an extreme illustration from the physical side. Here are +two full-grown men, both five feet and four inches tall. We observe +that they are both short. Now, the shortness of one of them turns +out to be the result of heredity,--that is, he belongs to a strain +of short people. No amount of feeding or of exercise or of special +regime could have made him more than a quarter or half an inch +taller. The other man, however, belongs to a race of rather taller +men and women: his shortness of stature may be traced to +undernutrition, or to overwork, or to sickness during his childhood. +It is quite certain that a different kind of environment would have +resulted in his being as tall as his brothers and sisters. + +Now, the problem of training concerns itself practically not so much +with the person who is particularly "long" by nature, nor so much +with the person who is unusually "short" by nature--and we may apply +"long" and "short" to every other trait as well as to stature. The +problem with these extremes is simply to keep the child in good +health. The special efforts of the teacher and of the parent are +devoted to giving the child who appears somewhat below the average +in some particular those special stimulations and exercises and +feedings that will bring him up to the average. We find the +extremely short too discouraging, and the extremely long do not +clamor for our attention; but it is those near the middle-point that +we want to help over to the other side of the dividing line. And +this is just as true of an undesirable character as it is of a +desirable one. We take no trouble to teach honesty to the child that +seems instinctively honest; and we give up in despair with the child +that convinces us of his utter lack of a moral sense: we concentrate +our efforts upon the delinquents whom we catch early, or upon those +who are in danger of sliding down if they are not helped along. + +Perhaps one reason for the great confusion on this subject arises out +of the fact that we have become accustomed to making a sharp +distinction between physical characters on the one hand and so-called +mental and moral qualities on the other. Every one recognizes family +resemblances in physical features. A particular shape of nose or a +peculiarity of the hand appears in every member of the family, +sometimes for several successive generations. Facts like these we +accept as evidence of "heredity" without any question. We also +recognize that the Joneses of Centerville always take the measles +"hard," whereas with the Andersons vaccination never "takes." But when +it comes to mental qualities, which we are not accustomed to measure +or to recognize with the same degree of discrimination, most of us +fail to see that heredity is just as common for these as for physical +traits. Moreover, mental qualities take on such a great variety of +forms that their recognition is made doubly difficult. Thus it may be +the same mental traits that make of a certain man a successful lawyer, +of his brother an able scientist, and of their cousin a clever +criminal. No doubt each of these three men has qualities in a degree +lacking in the others; but the point is that they have many qualities +in common which are obscured by the different lines of development +they have followed. + +The old parable of the wheat cast upon the ground may help us. That +which falls upon stony ground fails of germination; that which falls +upon poor soil will germinate, but will die of drought or be +scorched by the sun; that which falls upon good soil will develop +into a good plant. The _kind_ of plant that may develop is +determined by the seed, by heredity; _how_ the plant will +develop is determined by the surrounding conditions, by the +environment. On the physical side these facts are so familiar to us +that we never question the connection between development and food, +or between development and exercise, or between development and +other physical conditions. Of course, we say, an undernourished +child will never be strong; of course, an overworked child will +never be strong, of course, drinking and smoking and other +dissipation will prevent healthy development. And yet, do we not +know that of two underfed children, one will show the ill effects +more than the other; that of two overworked children, one will +survive abuse with less permanent injury than the other. + +We must, then, have clear in our minds the idea that everything that +happens to a child and that may produce a reaction or an effect is +worth considering from the point of view of its influence upon his +development. Indeed, instead of discussing heredity _versus_ +environment, we should try to conceive of the personality of the +child as made up of the effect of a certain heredity responding to a +certain environment. For example, the child inherits the instinct to +handle things. At a certain age this instinct will take the form of +handling objects within reach, and of breaking them. We cannot say +that the child has an instinct for breaking vases or tearing books; +he has simply the instinct to _do_ something with material that +he can handle. Now, it is possible for the child to exercise this +instinct only on material that can be broken or torn; it is also +possible for the child to exercise it on material that can be +manipulated constructively--as blocks for building, clay for +shaping, or, later, tools of various kinds. In one case the child +establishes habits of tearing or breaking; in the other the same +instincts--the same "heredity," that is--issues in habits of +_making_. Or we may take the instinct of curiosity, which every +normal child will manifest at an early stage. This instinct may find +exercise in wondering what is in parcels or closed cupboards; or it +may exercise itself in wondering about the thunder and the flowers +and the things under the earth; or it may be quite suppressed by +discouragement or by unsatisfying indulgence. Thus the same instinct +may lead under different treatments to different results. This does +not mean that every child has the making of an investigator; it +means that a perfectly healthy instinct capable of being turned to +good use is often perverted or crushed out because we have not +learned to cultivate it profitably through control of the growing +child's development. + +There is abundant evidence that the mental and moral capacities are +inherited in the same way as the purely physical or physiological +ones. We have, however, much more to learn about how to control the +development of the former than about the control of the latter. Yet +this point should be clear to every parent and teacher; whatever the +child's inheritance may be, the full development of his capacities +is possible only under suitable external conditions. What these +conditions are depends upon the combination of capacities that the +particular child possesses. But to find out what these capacities +are we must give the child an opportunity to show "what's in him." +This we can do by placing him in an environment simple enough for +him to adjust himself to readily, and at the same time complex +enough to give every side of his nature a chance to respond. This is +the significance of modern educational movements that seek to leave +the child untrammelled in his responses to what goes on around him. +We have learned that some children will become tall and that others +will never reach beyond a certain height; we seek merely to keep +them healthy by suitable feeding, exercise, rest, bathing, etc. But +in the matter of mental development we have not yet learned that it +is impossible for all children to reach the same degree of +linguistic or mathematical or artistic development, and we try to +bring all of them up to our preconceived standard of what a child +_should_ do in each line. The thing that we need to find out is +what a particular child _can_ do; and then we must give him the +opportunity and the encouragement to do his best. The things we +encourage him to do will be the basis for the habits which he will +form, for the skill which he will acquire--and so for the activities +that will yield him satisfaction and determine his behavior in +relation to others. That is, the things the child learns to do well +will determine what kind of a person he will be when he grows up. + +But it would be a mistake to suppose that every child is born with a +set of special aptitudes that fit him for some particular occupation. +Many children do indeed have rather special types of native ability, +as the child of artistic proclivities, or the "natural born" preacher. +And, on the other hand, many children are born with marked +shortcomings in their makeup, although these "deficiencies" need not +always interfere with their developing into excellent men and women. +For example, a child may be color-blind, or incapable of mastering a +foreign language in school, or awkward in doing work requiring great +skill--and yet capable of doing high-grade work in other lines. Those +children that have strongly-marked proclivities--which usually show +themselves early in life and which are commonly associated with strong +likes and dislikes--will no doubt do the most effective work along the +lines of their native talents. And those with marked deficiencies +should certainly not be directed into occupations wherein the lacking +talents are essential for success. But the great mass of children vary +from each other not so much in the directions along which their +special abilities lie as in the degree to which they are capable of +developing the ordinary abilities which they do have. For such +children the choice of an occupation cannot wisely be made very early +in life, nor should a very special choice be made until there has been +an opportunity to try out a large variety of activities and processes. +Indeed, even for the child of decided genius it is desirable that +there be a chance to try out many kinds of activities, both physical +and mental. This is desirable not so much in the hope of counteracting +his special bent on the theory of supplying exercise for the functions +that are not to his liking as for the purpose of giving him an +opportunity to find out _all_ he can do, and to give us a chance to +find out all he can do well. + +Even children who pass as "average" children, however, may be +divided into classes according to the variations in their native +capacities. That is to say, some children, although not exhibiting +any special talents or special deficiencies, are nevertheless more +easily adjusted to doing muscular work than others; some are more +happy in the manipulation of numbers; some show greater patience; +some are more easily fatigued by the repetition of a process; some +cannot stand on their feet for long periods without suffering, and +so on. These differences should certainly be taken into +consideration, first of all, in the treatment accorded them in the +school and at home, in what is required of them, in the selection of +studies, etc. And, in the second place, these facts should be +considered in the choice of general fields of occupation. It would +be the height of cruelty and of injustice to insist upon Walter's +preparing for and entering his father's business--just to keep up +the family tradition--when a little attention to the boy's work in +school and to his play and to his personal preferences and tastes +would show that he was eminently unsuited for the business, and at +the same time well suited for some technical pursuit such as +engineering. Untold misery and failure spring from our negligence in +these matters, no less than from our direction of the child's +development in accordance with the parents' ambitions rather than in +accordance with the child's discoverable abilities and disabilities. + +How far short our ordinary training falls of giving our various +capacities their full development is shown by the exquisite +acuteness of touch and of hearing acquired by children who become +blind in infancy. The senses of touch and hearing are here developed +so far beyond what ordinary persons ever attain that the belief is +quite common that one who is defective in one sense has been +compensated by "nature" with special capacity in the other senses. +As a matter of fact, however, the extreme development is not the +result of special endowment or "heredity," but altogether the result +of special training or "environment." + +There is a certain sense in which the idea of heredity impresses one +with a paralyzing feeling of inevitableness. When a child is born +his sex is irrevocably fixed; the character of his eyes and of his +hair, the form of his features and the ridges on his finger-tips are +unalterable except through mutilation or disease. But up to a +certain limit the child will grow just in proportion to the nurture +that he receives. And what that limit is we may not know until we +find out through years of patient effort, through endless trying out +in every direction. He will grow farther in some directions than in +others, and the _limit_ in each direction is the element of +destiny supplied by heredity. Very few, however, reach their limit +in many directions, and no person has ever reached his limit in +every direction. The distance we do actually go depends, in +practice, altogether upon the kind of environment that is supplied. +This environment, so far as the growing child is concerned, is +entirely within our control, and we have no right to give up our +efforts and to shift the responsibility to unsatisfactory heredity +until we are quite sure that all has been done that suitable +surroundings and treatment--suitable "environment"--can do. We must +watch and wait, and work hard while we wait and watch. + + + + +XV. + +FREEDOM AND DISCIPLINE + + +Is it not strange that "school," which we provide for our beloved +children for their own good, at so great a cost of thought and +money, should be so little appreciated by them? Is it not strange +that "school," which is intended to give power and freedom, should +be looked upon by the children as no better than a prison--a good +place from which to escape? + +We grown folks know how valuable school and training and discipline +are. Do we not sometimes sigh that we had not more of these +blessings in our own childhood? Or that we did not take advantage of +the little we had? If the children only knew--perhaps they would not +so eagerly seek to escape into what they vainly imagine to be +"freedom." Perhaps. + +Grown folks who have thought about the matter know, of course, that +"freedom" is something different from merely being left alone. They +know that freedom is a state to be attained only through effort. +They know that freedom results from a discipline which makes a +person the master of his impulses, instead of leaving him their +slave. They know that the freedom worth striving for is freedom from +our own caprices and moods, from our blindness and ignorance and +passions. It is for this reason that we value discipline, quite +apart from anything that it may contribute to our ability to live +harmoniously with others, quite apart from anything it may do to +increase our power in an economic sense. + +But if discipline is the means for attaining freedom, how does it +come about that in the past (and for most people to-day) discipline +has appeared as a method of _compelling_ children to do the +right thing--"until they have the habit"? How does it come about +that discipline, in the minds of most people, consists so largely of +_restraining_ children from doing undesirable acts--until they +are well started into the safe age of discretion? The reason seems +to be that the need for discipline or training makes itself most +quickly felt where children--or older people--infringe upon the +rights of others, or upon the proprieties. We miss discipline where +a child fails of self-restraint, acts impulsively, or loses his +temper. In short, failure of early training is indicated wherever +there is lack of self-control, or a lack of proper application to +the business in hand. It is therefore natural that discipline should +early take the form of commanding and prohibiting. + +It is but a short step from this view of discipline to the +philosophy that what children do spontaneously, what they like to +do, must be wrong. And the complement to this is the feeling that +virtue and character can arise only from doing what is disagreeable +or difficult. + +But the newer studies in the psychology of childhood lead to a +totally different theory of character formation. And many +experiments made in schools and institutions confirm these new +theories at every point. Moreover, if we look about, perhaps even in +our own homes, I am sure we can all find abundant support for the +modern view. + +The new studies have to do with the relation that our emotions bear +to our activities and especially to the formation of habits. To +learn to do a thing, we have known for ages, we must practise +continuously and uniformly. But we did not know that the state of +feelings connected with the performance of the act had anything to +do with the result. Richard must master the scales in his music +study. These scales can be mastered in only one way--he must play +them over and over and over again, until he just has them. But +suppose Richard does not care to practise the scales over and over +and over again? Suppose that he does not care whether he ever +masters the scales or not. Well, he can be _made_ to practise, +at any rate; and perhaps some day he will thank his elders for +having thus forced upon him the extremely valuable but unappreciated +command of the scales. + +But what happens in the course of this forced practise? There is +resentment, and antagonism and a growing hatred of scales, of the +man who first vented scales, of sloping rows of notes on the page of +music. And this resentment is more likely to prevent a real mastery +of the task than the enforced practise is to ensure it. The +antagonism will, at any rate, counteract the value of the practise +to a large degree. The third element in the fixation of habits that +we have heretofore too generally disregarded is that of +_satisfaction_; this is no less important than regularity and +frequency of action. + +The absence of satisfaction, to say nothing of the presence of +opposite feelings, is of itself sufficient to prevent effective +learning, whether of knowledge or of skill. And when the opposite +feelings are present, the acquired act or idea tends to be pushed +out of the system at the earliest opportunity. It is in some such +way as this that many specialists in the workings of the human mind +would explain so much of our "forgetting." They say that we forget +either because we really wish to forget--the facts are unpleasant-- +or because we do not sufficiently care to remember--the facts are +not sufficiently interesting, they do not sufficiently concern us. + +Out of the psychological facts pertaining to the relation of the +feeling state to the learning process and to the habit-forming +process, is developed the doctrine of "interest" in education. The +very name "interest" suggests to many that this must be some plan +for sugar-coating education, or perhaps for giving children only +what they like. And this is quite the opposite of the traditional +view which is expressed by the humorist who said, "It does not +matter much what you teach a boy, so long as he doesn't like it." +But the idea of interest in modern psychology does not mean letting +the child have his own way, any more than discipline means doing +only what is unpleasant or difficult. + +We can see the basic truth at the foundation of this view in the +age-long usage of the race, which awards prizes and penalties for +"good" actions and "evil" actions, respectively. If you should be +asked "_Why_ did you reward Maryann," "_Why_ did you punish Henry;" +you would no doubt say something like this: If we reward a child for +doing what we approve, he is more likely to do that sort of thing +again; if we punish, or impose unpleasant consequences, upon acts that +we disapprove, such acts are less likely to be repeated. In other +words, we have known right along that _satisfaction_ somehow leads the +child to repeat the conditions that brought about the satisfaction; +and that suffering somehow leads the child to avoid the conditions +that brought about the suffering. + +What the new psychology does here is to unify what we have known. We +say not the performance of an act alone will establish a habit; not +the repetition alone will establish it; not the subsequent +satisfaction alone. All of these factors must take part, and they +must take part in association. The feeling must accompany the act. +It is not sufficient that Richard be assured that some time in the +vague future he will derive deep satisfaction from being master of +the scales; he must somehow be made to feel a present concern either +in what he is doing, or a real interest in the outcome. The time +that is to elapse between the beginning of his "practice" and the +satisfaction he is to receive must not be beyond the child's power +to appreciate. + +In our actual dealing with children our experience leads us to make +use of these principles, often without realizing all that is +implied. For example, when the young child by your side shows signs +of weariness, and you still have some distance to go, you try to +stimulate his interest by telling him of the good things to come at +journey's end. If this does not serve your purpose, you draw his +attention to the bird on the tree only a hundred feet away, or you +challenge him to race with you to the next telegraph post. And if +you challenge him to such a race, you are sensible enough to let him +win it, for you know very well that nothing will discourage him so +much as defeat--that is, the unpleasant feeling of failure; and you +know that nothing will stimulate him quite as much as the +satisfaction of defeating you. In other words, you set before him +one goal after another, each but a small fraction of the main +journey, and each within the appreciation of the child, and each +offering a satisfactory conclusion that is readily and eagerly +seized as _worth striving for_, here and now. + +Now it may be asked, what discipline is there in doing always what +brings satisfaction? How can the children ever learn to do the +disagreeable but necessary tasks that make up so large a part of +every-day living? Where will they ever learn that some things must +be done, not because we like to do them, but because it is our duty +to do them? And these are indeed serious questions. There are two +sets of answers. One of them consists of the results actually +achieved in dealing with children from the new point of view. The +other is a challenge to make clear just what we mean by discipline +and task and duty. + +To take the latter first, is it not true that one part of our object +is in the form of acquired knowledge and acquired skill? Practising +the scales, or studying the multiplication table is not an end in +itself. We require study and practice because we believe that the +knowledge or the skill is worth having. Now it has been shown over +and over again that what is learned with satisfaction sticks; and +what is learned with pain is thrown overboard the first minute the +watchman is off his guard. Are the names of writers with the titles +of their books less well remembered by children who learn them +through the game of "Authors" than they are by children who might be +required to memorize them from a catalog? Are the sums and products +of numbers acquired in keeping scores of games less accurate and +less permanent in the mind of the child than the same sums and +products learned as school exercises? Is the skill acquired in +handling tools--sewing costumes, or making scenery for an amateur +play--any less effective or less lasting than the skill acquired in +sewing yards of stitches or sawing yards of board just for +"exercise" in a class? On the contrary, other things being equal, +arithmetic and authors and sewing and tinkering can be made both +more effective and more lasting when associated with pleasurable +feelings than when performed under strain, compulsion and +resentment. If it is only a question of "learning" this or that, +there is no doubt that the pleasant way is in every respect the +better way. + +But, of course, it is not merely a question of learning the specific +skill or knowledge. There is also the need for learning application, +persistence through difficulties, endurance, and the other hardy +virtues that distinguish a disciplined character. And here the +contrast between the old attitude and the new is most marked. We can +certainly force children to do what is disagreeable; we can hold +them to their tasks when they are tempted to abandon the monotonous +and wearisome round of uninteresting drudgery. But is this the only +way to get for the children experience with such necessary, though +unpleasant, work? We are assuming of course that such experience is +necessary, since uninteresting work cannot be separated from most +important undertakings. A typical experience in a school that has +for several years conducted a class along the lines of the newer +psychology can answer our question. + +One of the difficulties that had to be overcome was the mastery of +simple addition. Another was the art of writing; and of course +reading is a necessary art of modern life. Instead of the usual +drill and practice and exercises, this class passed through the +drudgery stage without realizing that school was a prison. This was +during the autumn of the Armistice. Food conservation and thrift +were in the air. These children were presented with a quantity of +garden vegetables, but there was more than they could use +themselves, so the suggestion was made that they could have the +surplus for future use. The children, under guidance, did all the +work connected with cold-pack canning of the tomatoes. This work was +not at every point "interesting," in the superficial sense; but the +purpose of the entire project was one that appealed to the children, +so that they were quite satisfied to do the many essential details. +Did they not here learn to clean their dishes and jars as well as +they would have done had the cleaning been a "duty" imposed +arbitrarily from above? Must drudgery be dreaded to be well done? + +Let the teacher who had charge of this class describe what happened, +in her own words. + +"The success of the first small group in carrying through the +various steps ... led to further work of the same sort, as various +vegetables were given us. The children also dried apples and lima +beans which they gathered themselves at the school farm. + +"That the interest in this rather exacting work was sustained for +two months was doubtless due to the fact that the children had a +genuine purpose in canning a large quantity of vegetables. For early +in the work, upon the suggestion of one of the class, it had been +decided to have a sale and use the proceeds to buy milk for a sick +baby. Although I had not thought of this plan myself, I was glad to +lend it my support. + +"The final preparation for the sale occupied a large share of the +time for several weeks. The chief consideration from the children's +point of view seemed to be who should take charge of the business of +selling. They had conducted a play store intermittently during the +fall, but, upon testing, it was found that most of the class were +ill prepared to act as salespeople.[A] The children readily +recognized this fact and willingly went to work to drill on addition +and subtraction. The most successful drill was accomplished by means +of a dramatic rehearsal of the forthcoming sale, some children +impersonating the visitors and the others the salesmen. Real money, +correct prices, and the actual jars of vegetables and fruit were +used for this play. + +[Footnote A: Remember these were second-grade children--most of them +seven or eight years old.] + +"The need of invitations, of price lists, and of bookkeepers the day +of the sale, was also recognized and led to much needed practice in +written English. The prices were determined by a study of the latest +food catalog, a small group with a teacher undertaking this work. It +necessitated the use of an alphabetical index, and in some cases the +calculation of the price of pints, when only quarts were listed, as +we had used both pint and quart jars. + +"Further preparation consisted of the making of labels for the jars +and of posters for the room. The art teacher, when called in to +advise, taught the children how to make accurate square letters, +which they used in various sizes for the labels and posters. The +making of fifty or more small labels with half-inch letters proved +irksome to the little people, but they showed much persistence in +completing the task, because of their interest in the sale. The +eight children who made the final large posters did a great deal of +intelligent, painstaking work. From the artistic point of view, the +posters were not noteworthy, but they represented the children's own +suggestions. + +"The sale was conducted by the children, who made their own change, +kept records of sales and wrapped up purchases. The various duties +were agreed upon by the class, in accordance with each one's proved +ability to carry them out, and everyone had some share." + +In this simple account of an experimental class conducted at the +Ethical Culture School, in New York, under the direction of Miss +Mabel R. Goodlander, are many references to drill and practice. But +throughout all of the work it was possible to maintain the interest +of the children because, apparently, the attention was not on the +drill as an end in itself, but upon the special skill or knowledge +as a means to a more remote end. And this remote end was not the +formal one of "passing," or being promoted, or getting a good mark, +but the vital, urgent purpose of raising money through the sale for +a sick baby's milk. Undoubtedly the "motives" of the several +children in this class were varied and mixed--like the motives of +good citizens who are united in support of a particular candidate, +or a particular platform. But there was enough common purpose to +insure cooperation and persistence and effort from every single +child in proportion to his ability. The learning of stupid sums and +the practice in penmanship are no more attractive to these children +than they are to ordinary children in ordinary schools in all parts +of the country. But they overcame all internal obstacles, went +through with all of the monotony and drudgery, and to that extent +triumphed over any disposition to shirk or to loaf or to dawdle or +to flit from work to sensation. + +And how is it with the learning of responsibility, with acquiring a +sense of duty? Many of us have no doubt learned what we have learned +of duty and responsibility, through the constant repetition of "Thou +shalt" and "Thou shalt not" by our elders during our own growing +years. But results at least as valuable have been obtained in the +cases of others through the constant rubbing up against their equals +in a free give-and-take atmosphere. Children learn to live with +others by living with others. They learn to work with others--to +"cooperate"--by working with others. They learn to play the game, to +do teamwork, to play fair, to play in good form, to hit hard only by +playing according to rule, with others, with worthy opponents, under +good supervision. In short, the "discipline" that makes for power +and freedom may be quite as easily obtained through the exercise of +freedom as through external coercion--nay, more easily, and more +effectively. + +It is fair to ask whether training for a game is not quite analogous +to our idea of training for life; and whether the methods which are +found to be effective in the former kind of training are not equally +valuable for the latter. Assuming the analogy, would you have a child +learn the rules of such games as baseball or tennis from a book before +allowing him to handle a ball, or before letting him see a game? Would +you expect him to cooperate in teamwork after a long period of +drill upon the _rules_ governing team cooperation? Would you expect +him to hit hard because he has learned the correct answer to the +question, How should a player hit? + +This may not seem a fair comparison to some of the "training" that +has actually been tried. Perhaps a more familiar analogy would be in +teaching a child correct movements for the game to be mastered, +separated from any experience with real games. Boys are "practicing" +for a game, and each one is drilling on some special detail, +hitting, catching, running bases, long throws, or what not; each one +of them has in mind as part of his moving purpose not only his +team's success and glory, but his own individual responsibility. +Contrast this with the same boys required to drill at precisely the +same movements on the theory that the "exercise" will do them good, +or that some time in the future they might have to meet a situation +in which a long throw or a swift run would be significant. Do you +expect the same enthusiasm and energy to be developed in both cases? +And if not the same enthusiasm and energy, can we expect the same +results--whether we view the results as so much skill or technic, +whether we view the results as so much "training in drudgery," or +whether we consider the results from the viewpoint of moral values +as so much devotion, self-sacrifice, restraint? The "moral" values +that have been for years attributed to athletics appear after all to +be the effects of intense, enthusiastic, and interested +participation in teamwork--that is, in purposeful and energetic +concern with joint undertakings. + +The responsibilities we wish to develop, the sense of duty, no less +than the application and persistence, no less than knowledge and +skill, are types of habits which are best formed under the glow of +satisfying experience. Far from assuming a soft life for the child, +the idea of interest assumes the most strenuous kind of life. And +the experiences of all who have tried it justifies the assumption. +The experimental class already mentioned, similar experiments by +Mrs. Marietta Johnson at Fairhope, Alabama and elsewhere, +experimental classes at the Lincoln School and at the Horace Mann +School, at various "play" schools in this country and in England, +all show more continuous application of the children to whatever +they happen to have in hand, longer periods of intense activity, and +no sign whatever of loafing or shirking. The activities selected by +the children themselves involve just as much "discipline" as +anything that can be selected for them. + +In these schools the children never hear the teacher call for +"attention," for although everybody knows that attention is an +essential of effective work, the attention takes care of itself +where the children already feel a genuine concern in the outcome. +And this concern insures satisfactory application, since the +children look forward to satisfying results. This does not mean, of +course, that either the work itself or the result is necessarily +"pleasant," in the ordinary sense. Often, indeed, it is quite the +reverse, as when the racer is exerting every last reserve of his +energy in the final spurt, or when the contestants are in suspense +awaiting the decision of the judges as to which is the best cake. +And the endless grind of practice and preparation is no more +"pleasant" to the child who knows the purpose and approves the +purpose of his efforts (having taken part in selecting the +undertaking) than similar exertion is to the child whose work is all +planned and directed by outsiders; but the satisfactions connected +with the exertions are different in the two cases, and the +corresponding results are correspondingly different. + +The principle of interest as a guide to the training of children can +be applied in the home as well as in the school. It means, first of +all, taking into account the interests, tastes, preferences of the +children. As has already been suggested in earlier chapters, there +are many occasions when the child may be consulted or given a choice +of action, of amusements, of purchases, and so on--situations in +which it is a matter of indifference to older people, but in which +the making of a decision or a choice is both satisfying and valuable +to the child. Even where the decision is not an indifferent one, our +own should not be imposed in an arbitrary manner; when it differs +from that of the child, we can get his assent and cooperation, where +an arbitrary choice leaves him cold or even resentful. + +The games children play, whether by themselves or with other +children, are only in part manifestations of tastes: they represent +to a degree stages of development. For the reason, therefore, that +interests develop, we shall find that what is a favorable time for +one child is not necessarily a favorable time for another child to +learn a particular thing. This is very well shown by the great +differences found among children, as to learning school subjects +like reading or writing. In some the interest is aroused very early, +and for them this is the best time; with others the interest does +not appear until the third or fourth grade, or even later, and for +such children this is the best time. There is no one period that is +best for all children; by attempting to treat all alike, therefore, +we not only waste a great deal of energy and good feeling, but we +often defeat our purpose by antagonizing the children and thus +making them resist the very things we want them to hug to +themselves. And this is just as true of what we try to do in the +home as it is of school teaching. + +To discover the interests of the children requires that they be +given an opportunity to express themselves. This means in most cases +much more freedom than children have heretofore enjoyed. But it +means also constant vigilance on the part of the elders, not so much +to guard against the freedom being abused, as to guard against the +opportunity being wasted. The taste in games or in reading, the +choice of companions or of leisure time occupations must not only +show themselves to be indulged; they must be seized upon by those +who guide the children, as means for giving drive and direction to +further development. A child who devotes too much time to athletics +and too little to literature, may be drawn to reading through books +about athletic contests of the classics, or through modern stories +of college life. On the other hand, the boy who is prone to get his +satisfactions vicariously and to neglect active participation in +games and other activities, must be led through his reading, +properly selected and unostentatiously placed under his nose, to +more direct concern with producing practical effects in his +environment. The interest, once discovered, must be the means for +stimulating to greater exertion and to closer unification of the +child's activities. + +One of the things that presents a difficulty in every generation is +the fact that the social and moral ideals change from age to age. We +are thus constantly tempted to put into the characters of our +children those traits that were valued highly by our parents, +without always considering the importance of each item for the days +in which our children will play their parts. Thus it comes about +that many of the virtues that have a traditional value may be +questioned when offered as staples for citizens of to-morrow. +Obedience, for example, is a permanent necessity in a society that +rests upon the assumption that one or a few chosen men represent the +will of the gods on earth, but has only a transitory value in a +democracy. As someone has said, obedience in childhood must be +considered as a scaffold that is useful while the lasting parts of +the structure are being put in place; when the desired structure is +completed, obedience is naturally removed as of no further service. +Now the kind of discipline required in a democracy calls for an +attitude or disposition that makes cooperation with others come as a +matter of course; it calls for the making of decisions, or the +forming of opinions, on the basis of facts; and it calls for the +habit of taking due account of the rights of others. The training +for this class of habits is best obtained through methods that take +full account of children's interests. + +Just as the older outlook turned to "discipline" as a means for +obtaining freedom, the new psychology utilizes freedom as a means +for obtaining discipline. In both cases the end is of course the +same--that is, the liberation of the human spirit and the organizing +of the individual's powers to the greatest good. But as our ideas of +human relations and of values have changed, science has given us new +methods for attaining the final goals that we set ourselves. + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Your Child: Today and Tomorrow, by +Sidonie Matzner Gruenberg + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK YOUR CHILD: TODAY AND TOMORROW *** + +***** This file should be named 9917.txt or 9917.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/9/9/1/9917/ + +Produced by Stan Goodman, Anne Folland, Tom Allen and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/9917.zip b/9917.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..95f66d8 --- /dev/null +++ b/9917.zip diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1c795a9 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #9917 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/9917) diff --git a/old/ychld10.txt b/old/ychld10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..74c1ba2 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/ychld10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,6072 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Your Child: Today and Tomorrow +by Sidonie Matzner Gruenberg + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Your Child: Today and Tomorrow + +Author: Sidonie Matzner Gruenberg + +Release Date: February, 2006 [EBook #9917] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on October 31, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK YOUR CHILD: TODAY AND TOMORROW *** + + + + +Produced by Stan Goodman, Anne Folland, Tom Allen +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + +YOUR CHILD + +TODAY AND TOMORROW + + + + +YOUR CHILD + +TODAY AND TOMORROW + + +SOME PROBLEMS FOR PARENTS CONCERNING + + PUNISHMENT REASONING + LIES IDEALS AND AMBITIONS + FEAR WORK AND PLAY + IMAGINATION SOCIAL ACTIVITIES + OBEDIENCE ADOLESCENCE + WILL HEREDITY + + + +By + +SIDONIE MATZNER GRUENBERG + + + +Second Revised Edition Enlarged + +WITH A FORWARD BY BISHOP JOHN H. VINCENT +Chancellor of Chautauqua Institution + +WITH 12 ILLUSTRATIONS + +1912, 1913, 1920 + + + + +TO HER WHOSE DEVOTION AND UNTIRING EFFORT TOWARD AN INTELLIGENT +UNDERSTANDING OF HER CHILDREN HAVE EVER BEEN AN INSPIRATION, + +MY MOTHER + +AND + +TO MY CHILDREN + +WHOSE CONTRIBUTION TOWARD MY EDUCATION HAS BEEN GREATER THAN THAT +FROM ANY OTHER SOURCE, THIS LITTLE BOOK IS AFFECTIONATELY DEDICATED. + + + + +PREFACE TO SECOND EDITION + + +In the sad years that have intervened since this book was published, +we have all been impressed by the brilliant achievements of science +in every department of practical life. But whereas the application +of chemistry and electricity and biology might, perhaps, be safely +left to the specialists, it seems to me that in a democracy it is +essential for every single person to have a practical understanding +of the workings of his own mind, and of his neighbor's. The +understanding of human nature should not be left entirely in the +hands of the specialists--it concerns all of us. + +There is no better way for beginning the study of human nature than +by following the unfolding of a spirit as it takes place before us +in the growth of a child. I am humbly grateful of the assurances +received from many quarters that these chapters have aided many +parents and teachers in such study. + +In the present edition I have made a number of slight changes to +harmonize the reading with the results of later scientific studies; +there is a new list of references and some new material in the +chapter on sex education; and there is a new chapter suggesting the +connection between the new psychology and the democratic ideals of +human relations. + +SIDONIE MATZNER GRUENBERG. + +March, 1920. + + + + +PREFACE + + +In my efforts to learn something about the nature of the child, as a +member of child-study groups, and in my own studies, I have found a +large mass of material--accumulated by investigators into the +psychology and the biology of childhood--which could be of great +practical use to all concerned with the bringing up of children. In +this little book I have tried to present some of this material in a +form that will make it available for those who lack the time, or the +special training or the opportunity to work it out for themselves. +It has been my chief aim to show that a proper understanding of and +sympathy with the various stages through which the child normally +passes will do much toward making not only the child happier, but +the task of the parents pleasanter. I am convinced that our failure +to understand the workings of the child's mind is responsible for +much of the friction between parents and children. We cannot expect +the children, with their limited experience and their undeveloped +intellect, to understand us; if we are to have harmony, intimacy and +cooperation, these must come through the parents' successful efforts +at understanding the children. + +In speaking of the child always in the masculine, I have followed +the custom of the specialists. It is of course to be understood that +"he" sometimes means "she" and usually "he or she." + +It has been impossible to refer at every point to the source of the +material used. One unconsciously absorbs many ideas which one is +unable later to trace to their sources; in addition to this, the +material I have here presented has been worked over so that it is +impossible in most cases to ascribe a particular idea to a +particular person. I wish, however, to acknowledge my indebtedness +to all who have patiently labored in this field, and especially to +those Masters of Child Study, G. Stanley Hall, John Dewey, Earl +Barnes, Edwin A. Kirkpatrick and Edward L. Thorndike. I owe much to +my opportunity to work in the Federation for Child Study. These +groups of mothers and teachers have done a great deal, under the +guidance and inspiration of Professor Felix Adler, to develop a +spirit of co-operation in the attack upon the practical problems of +child-training in the home. + +I am very grateful to Mrs. Hilda M. Schwartz, of Minneapolis, for +her assistance in revising the manuscript and in securing the +illustrations. + +The assistance of my husband has been invaluable. In his suggestions +and criticisms he has given me the benefit of his experience as +biologist and educator. + +SIDONIE MATZNER GRUENBERG. + +New York May, 1913. + + + + +A FOREWORD + + +In the thought of the writer of this prefatory page, the book he +thus introduces is an exceptionally sane, practical and valuable +treatment of the problem of problems suggested by our present +American Civilization, namely: The Training of the On-coming +Generation--the new Americans--who are to realize the dreams of our +ancestors concerning personal freedom and development in the social, +political, commercial and religious life of the Republic. + +There is always hope for the adult who takes any real interest in +self-improvement. One is never too old to "turn over a new leaf" and +to begin a new record. A full-grown man may become a "promising +child" in the kingdom of grace. He may dream dreams and see visions. +He may resolve, and his experience of forty or more years in +"practising decision" and in persisting despite counter inclinations +may only increase his chances for mastering a problem, overcoming a +difficulty and developing enthusiasm. A page of History or of +Ethics, a poet's vision or a philosopher's reasoning, will find a +response in his personality impossible to a juvenile. His knowledge +of real life, of persons he has met, of theories he has often +pondered, of difficulties he has encountered and canvassed, the +conversations and discussions in which he has taken part--all give +new value to the pages he is now turning, and while he may not as +easily as formerly memorize the language, he at once grasps, +appreciates and appropriates the thoughts there expressed. + +With these advantages as a thinker, a reader, a man of affairs, a +father interested in his or children and in their education, what a +blessing to him and to his family comes through the reading of an +interesting, suggestive and stimulating book on child training such +as this practical volume by Mrs. Gruenberg. In fact, the book +becomes a sort of a Normal Class in itself. It is attractive, +ingenious, illustrative and stimulating--an example of the true +teaching spirit and method. + +This volume has in it much that a preacher and pastor would do well +to read. And a _very_ wise pastor will be inclined to bring +together Mothers and Sunday-School Teachers and read to them certain +paragraphs until they are induced to put a copy of the volume in +their own library and thus become, in a sense, members of a strong +and most helpful "Normal Class." + +One thing every Sunday-School Teacher and every Parent should +remember is that all attempts to experiment in the instruction of +children are so many steps towards "Normal Work," in which are +included the use of "illustrations," the framing of "questions," the +devices to "get attention," and the effort to induce children to +"think for themselves" and freely to express their thoughts, +reasonings, doubts, difficulties and personal independent opinions. +All these efforts not only develop power in the child, but they +react upon the teacher and ensure for the "next meeting of the +class" some "new suggestion," some additional question, some fresh +view of the whole subject by which both teacher and pupils will be +stimulated and instructed. + +In our intercourse with children let us aim to develop the +_teaching_ motive, and we shall not only make the work of the +"class room" profitable to the pupils, but each of us will find new +delight, new inspiration and an unanticipated degree of success in +this beautiful and divine ministry. + +JOHN H. VINCENT. + +CHICAGO AND CHAUTAUQUA, + +May 7, 1913. + + + + +CONTENTS + + +CHAPTER + +I. YOU AND YOUR CHILD + +II. THE PROBLEM OF PUNISHMENT + +III. WHEN YOUR CHILD IMAGINES THINGS + +IV. THE LIES CHILDREN TELL + +V. BEING AFRAID + +VI. THE FIRST GREAT LAW + +VII. THE TRAINING OF THE WILL + +VIII. HOW CHILDREN REASON + +IX. WORK AND PLAY + +X. CHILDREN'S GANGS, CLUBS, AND FRIENDSHIPS + +XI. CHILDREN'S IDEALS AND AMBITIONS + +XII. THE STORK OR THE TRUTH + +XIII. THE GOLDEN AGE OF TRANSITION + +XIV. HEREDITY AND ENVIRONMENT + +XV. FREEDOM AND DISCIPLINE + + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + + +THE CREATIVE IMPULSE IS BORN WITH EVERY NORMAL CHILD + +THE IMPULSE TO ACTION EARLY LEADS TO DOING + +IMAGINATION SUPPLIES THIS TWO-YEAR-OLD A PRANCING STEED + +NEITHER ARE GIRLS AFRAID TO CLIMB + +ONLY A GOOD REASON CAN WARRANT CALLING AN ABSORBED CHILD FROM HIS +OCCUPATION + +HABITS OF CAREFUL WORK FURNISH A GOOD FOUNDATION FOR THE WILL + +WORK IS PLAY + +LET THEM ROMP IN THE WINTER AS WELL AS IN SUMMER + +IN THEIR GAMES THEY SHOULD LEARN TO LOSE AS WELL AS TO WIN + +DON'T FORGET HOW TO PLAY WITH THE CHILDREN + +THE BOYS NEED A CHANCE TO GET TOGETHER + +IN THE COUNTRY CHILDREN BECOME ACQUAINTED WITH THE FACTS OF LIFE + + + + +YOUR CHILD TODAY AND TOMORROW + + + + +I. + +YOU AND YOUR CHILD + + +Housekeeping, in the sense of administering the work of the +household, has been raised almost to a science. The same is true of +the feeding of children. But the training of children still lags +behind, so far as most of us are concerned, in the stage occupied by +housekeeping and farming a generation or two ago. There has, indeed, +been developed a considerable mass of exact knowledge about the +nature of the child, and about the laws of his development; but this +knowledge has been for most parents a closed book. It is not what +the scientists know, but what the people apply, that marks our +progress. + +"Child-study" has been considered something with which young +normal-school students have to struggle before they begin their +_real_ struggle with bad boys. But mothers have been expected to know, +through some divine instinct, just how to handle their own children, +without any special study or preparation. That the divine instinct has +not taught them properly to feed the young infant and the growing +child we have learned but slowly and at great cost in human life and +suffering; but we _have_ learned it. Our next lesson should be to +realize that our instincts cannot be relied upon when it comes to +understanding the child's mind, the meaning of his various activities, +and how best to guide his mental and moral development. + +Mistakes that parents--and teachers--make in dealing with the +child's mind are not often fatal. Nor can you always trace the evil +effects of such mistakes in the later character of the child. But +there can be no doubt that many of the heartbreaks, misunderstandings, +and estrangements between parents and children are due to mistakes +that could have been avoided by a knowledge of the nature of the +child's mind. + +There are, fortunately, many parents who arrive at an understanding +of the nature of the child through sympathetic insight, through +quick observation, through the application of sound sense and the +results of experience to the problems that arise. It is not +necessary that all of us approach the child in the attitude of the +professional scientist; indeed, it is neither possible for us to do +so, nor is it desirable that we should. But it is both possible and +desirable that we make use of the experience and observations of +others, that we apply the results of scientific experiments, that we +reënforce our instincts with all available helps. We need not fall +into the all-too-common error of placing common-sense and practical +insight in opposition to the method of the scientists. Everyone in +this country appreciates the wonderful and valuable services of +Luther Burbank, and no one doubts that if his method could be +extended the whole nation would benefit in an economic way. Yet +Burbank has been unable to teach the rest of us how to apply his +shrewd "common-sense" and his keen intuition to the improvement of +useful and ornamental plants. It was necessary for scientists to +study what he had done in order to make available for the whole +world those principles that make his practice really productive of +desirable results. In the same way it is well for every parent and +every teacher--everyone who has to do with children--to supplement +good sense and observation with the results of scientific study. + +On the other hand, there is no universal formula for the bringing up +of children, one that can be applied to all children everywhere and +always, any more than there is a universal formula for fertilizing +soil or curing disease or feeding babies. Yet there are certain +general laws of child development and certain general principles of +child training which have been derived from scientific studies of +children, and which agree with the best thought and experience of +those who learned to know their children without the help of +science. These general laws and principles may be profitably learned +and used in bringing up the rising generation. + +Too many people, and especially too many parents, think of the child +as merely a small man or woman. This is far from a true conception +of the child. Just as the physical organs of the child work in a +manner different from what we find in the adult, so the mind of the +child works along in a way peculiar to its stage of development. If +a physician should use the same formulas for treating children's +ailments as he uses with adults, simply reducing the size of the +dose, we should consider his methods rather crude. If a parent +should feed an infant the same materials that she supplied to the +rest of the family, only in smaller quantities, we should consider +her too ignorant to be entrusted with the care of the child. And for +similar reasons we must learn that the behavior of the child must be +judged according to standards different from those we apply to an +adult. The same act represents different motives in a child and in +an adult--or in the same child at different ages. + +Moreover, each child is different from every other child in the +whole world. The law has recognized that a given act committed by +two different persons may really be two entirely different acts, +from a moral point of view. How much more important is it for the +parent or the teacher to recognize that each child must be treated +in accordance with his own nature! + +It is the duty of every mother to know the nature of _her_ +child, in order that she may assist in the development of all of his +possibilities. Child Study is a new science, but old enough to give +us great help through what the experts have found out about "child +nature." But the experts do not know _your child;_ they have +studied the problems of childhood, and their results you can use in +learning to know your child. Your problem is always an individual +problem; the problem of the scientist is a general one. From the +general results, however, you may get suggestions for the solution +of your individual problem. + +We all know the mother who complains that her boys did not turn out +just the way she wanted them to--although they are very good boys. +After they have grown up she suddenly realizes one day how far they +are from her in spirit. She could have avoided the disillusion by +recognizing early enough that the interests and instincts of her +boys were healthy ones, notwithstanding they were so different from +her own. She would have been more to the boys, and they more to her, +if, instead of wasting her energy in trying to make them "like +herself," she had tried to develop their tastes and inclinations to +their full possibilities. + +How much happier is the home in which the mother understands the +children, and knows how to treat each according to his disposition, +instead of treating all by some arbitrary rule! As a mother of three +children said one day, "With Mary, just a hint of what I wish is +sufficient to secure results. With John, I have to give a definite +order and insist that he obey. With Robert I get the best results by +explaining and appealing to his reason." How much trouble she saves +herself--and the children--by having found this much out! + +A mother who knows that what we commonly call the "spirit of +destruction" in a child is the same as the _constructive +impulse_ will not be so much grieved when her baby takes the +alarm clock apart as the mother who looks upon this deed as an +indication of depravity or wickedness. + +[Illustration: The impulse to action early leads to "doing."] + +Some of the directions in which the parents may profit from what the +specialists have worked out may be suggested. There is the question +of punishment, for example. How many of us have thought out a +satisfactory philosophy of punishment? In our personal relations +with our children we all too frequently cling to the theory of +punishment that justifies us in "paying back" for the trouble we +have been caused--if, indeed, we do any more than vent our temper at +the annoyance. It is not viciousness on our part; it is merely +ignorance. But the time is rapidly approaching when there will be no +excuse for ignorance, even if it is not yet time to say that +preventable ignorance is vicious. + +How many mothers, for example, realize that the desire on the part +of the child to touch, to do--to get into mischief--is a fundamental +characteristic of childhood, and not an indication of perversity in +her particular Johnny or Mary? How many know that these instincts +are the most useful and the most usable traits that the child has; +that the checking of these impulses may mean the destruction of +individual qualities of great importance in the formation of +character? How many know how wisely to direct these instincts +without thwarting them? + +How many mothers--good housewives--know anything at all about the +imagination, that crowning glory of the human mind? They admire the +poet's flights of fancy; but when, on being asked where his brother +is, Harry says, "He went off in a great, great, big airship," they +feel the call of duty to punish him for his _lies_! + +Many of us have realized in a helpless sort of way that there is +need for expert knowledge in these matters, and have comfortably +shifted the responsibility to the teacher. Parents are often heard +to say, when a troublesome youngster is under discussion, "Just wait +until he begins to go to school." It is not wise to wait. There is +much to be done before the school can be thought of, or even before +the kindergarten age is reached. Indeed, a child is never too young +to profit from the application of thought and knowledge to his +treatment. + +Of course, the training value of the school's work is not to be +underestimated. The social intercourse that the child experiences +there, the regularity of hours, the teacher's personality, all have +their favorable influence in the molding of the child's character. +But neither must we overestimate the powers of the school. The +school has the child but a few hours a day, for barely more than +half the year; the classes are unconscionably large. We all hope +that the classes will be made smaller, but they never can be small +enough, within our own times, for the purpose of really effective +moral training. The relations between teacher and pupil can never be +as intimate as are those of parent and child. The teacher knows the +child, as a rule, only as a member of a group and under special +circumstances; the parents alone have the opportunity to know +closely the individual peculiarities of the child; they alone can +know him in health and in sickness, in joy and in sorrow, in his +strength and in his weakness. The parents can watch their child from +day to day, year after year; whereas the teacher sees the child for +a comparatively short period of his development, and then passes him +on to another. + +The time was--and for most of our children still is--when the +teacher had to know nothing but her "subjects"; the nature of the +child was to her as great a mystery as it is to the ordinary person +who never learned anything about it. She was supposed to deal with +the "average" child that does not exist, and to attempt the futile +task of drawing the laggard up to this arbitrary average and of +holding the genius down to it. The effort is being made to have the +teacher recognize the individuality of each child; but the mother is +still expected to confine her ministrations to his individual +digestion. + +In a dozen different ways the effective methods in the treatment of +children, at home or in school, in the church or on the playground, +depend upon knowledge and understanding, as is the case in all +practical activities. Instincts alone are never sufficient to tell +us what to do, notwithstanding the fact that so much really valuable +work has been achieved in the past without any special training. + +It may be true that in the past the instincts of the child adapted +him to the needs of life. It may also be true that the instincts of +adults adapted them in the past to their proper treatment of +children. We should realize, however, that the conditions of modern +life are so complex that few of us know just what to do under given +conditions unless we have made a special effort to find out. And +this is just as true of the treatment of children as it is of the +care of the health, or of the building of bridges. It is for this +reason that the results of child study are important to all who have +to do with children--whether as teachers or as parents, whether as +club leaders or as directors of institutions, whether as social +workers or as loving uncles and aunts. + +It is impossible to guarantee to anyone that a study of child nature +will enable him or her to train children into models of good +behavior. Knowledge alone does not always produce the desired +results; nevertheless, an understanding of the child should enable +those who have to deal with him to assume an attitude that will +reduce in a great measure their annoyance at the various awkward and +inconsiderate and mischievous acts of the youngsters. Such a study +should make possible a closer intimacy with the child. And, finally, +it should make possible a longer continuance of that intimacy with +the child, which is so helpful for those in authority as well as for +the child himself. + + + + +II. + +THE PROBLEM OF PUNISHMENT + + +Picture to yourself a dark hallway. Behind the door stands an +indignant mother with a strap in her hand. It is past the dinner +hour and William has not yet returned. But here he is now. He comes +bounding up the steps, radiantly happy, and under each arm a +pumpkin. He bursts into the house. His mother seizes him by the +shoulder and proceeds to apply the strap where she thinks it will do +the most good. The little boy is William J. Stillman, and the story +is told in his autobiography. He tells how just an hour before +dinner a neighboring farmer had asked him to go to his field to +shake down the fruit from two apple trees. William was so glad to do +something for which he would receive pay that he allowed the work to +trench upon his dinner-time. The two large pumpkins he brought were +his pay, and he knew that they meant a great deal to his needy +family. Stillman, in writing of the incident, continues: "It is more +than sixty years since that punishment fell on my shoulders, but the +astonishment with which I received the flogging, instead of the +thanks which I anticipated for the wages I was bringing her, the +haste with which any mother administered it lest my father should +anticipate her and beat me after his own fashion, are as vivid in my +recollection as if it had taken place yesterday." + +While I hope that not many of us are guilty of such flagrant abuse +of our power as is described above, still I am certain that on many +occasions we punish just as hastily, without giving a chance for +explanation and with as little thought as to whether "the punishment +fits the crime." + +I have often been impressed by the great interest that mothers take +in uses of punishment and in kinds of punishment. It has sometimes +seemed as if the most valuable thing which they could carry away +with them from some child-study meeting was a new kind of punishment +for some very common offence. I have frequently felt as if the only +contact some mothers have with their children is to punish them, and +that punishment constituted the chief part of the poor children's +training. + +Now, punishment undoubtedly has a place in the training of children, +but only a _negative_ place. The proper punishment, administered in +the right spirit, may cure or correct a fault; _but punishment does +not make children good_. If children are punished frequently, it may +even make them _bad_. + +We can all remember some of the punishments of our own childhood. +How unjust they seemed then, and do even now, after all these years +to heal the wounds! How outraged we felt! Into how unloving a mood +they put us! + +The history of punishment for criminals shows us three stages. With +primitive peoples and in early times the first impulse is to "get +even" or to "strike back." "An eye for an eye"--nothing less would +do. Then comes a stage in which punishment is used to frighten +people from wrong-doing and as a warning--a deterrent for others. +Gradually, very, very slowly, as we become more civilized and +develop moral insight--develop a love for humanity--we come to +recognize that the only legitimate purpose of punishment in the +treatment of offenders is to redeem their characters, to make them +_positively_ better, not merely frighten them into a state of +apparent right-doing--that is, a state of avoiding wrong-doing. + +It is said that each individual in his development lives over the +experiences of the race. How each of us passes through the three +attitudes toward punishment is very interestingly shown by a study +that was made some years ago on 3000 school children, to find out +their own ideas about punishment. Miss Margaret E. Schallenberger +sent out the following story and query and had the answers +tabulated: + +Jennie had a beautiful new box of paints; and in the afternoon, +while her mother was gone, she painted all the chairs in the parlor, +so as to make them look nice for her mother. When the mother came +home, Jennie ran to meet her and said: "Oh, mamma, come and see how +pretty I have made the parlor." But her mamma took her paints away +and sent her to bed. If you had been her mother, what would you have +done or said to Jennie? + +In the answers the most striking thing is the range of reasons given +by the children for punishing Jennie. There are three prominent +reasons. + +The first is clearly for revenge. Jennie was a bad girl; she made +her mother unhappy; she must be made unhappy. She made her mother +angry; she must be made angry. A boy of ten says: "I would have sent +Jennie to bed and not given her any supper, and then she would get +mad and cry." One boy of nine says: "If I had been that woman I +would have half killed her." A sweet (?) little girl would make her +"paint things until she is got enough of it." Another girl: "If I +had been Jennie's mother, I would of painted Jennie's face and hands +and toes. I would of switched her well. I would of washed her mouth +out with soap and water, and I should stand her on the floor for +half an hour." + +This view was taken mostly by the younger children. + +The second reason for punishing is to prevent a repetition of the +act. A thirteen year old girl says: "I would take the paints away +and not let her have them until she learned not to do that again." +When a threat is used it is with the same idea in view: "I wouldn't +do anything just then, but I would have said: 'If you do that any +more I would whip you and send you to bed besides!'" All trace of +revenge has disappeared. + +The third stage of punishment is higher still. Jennie is punished in +order to reform her. In the previous examples the _act_ was +all-important. Now Jennie and her moral condition come into the +foreground. None of the younger children take the trouble to explain +to Jennie why it was wrong to paint the parlor chairs. A large +percentage of the older ones do so explain. + +A country boy of fourteen says: "I would have took her with me into +the parlor, and I would have talked to her about the injury she had +done to the chairs, and talked kindly to her, and explained to her +that the paints were not what was put on chairs to make them look +nice." + +A girl of sixteen says: "I think that the mother was very unwise to +lose her temper over something which the child had done to please +her. I think it would have been far wiser in her to have kissed the +little one, and then explained to her how much mischief she had done +in trying to please her mother." + +We can see from this study that the children themselves are capable +of reaching a rather lofty attitude toward wrong-doing and punishment, +yet these children when grown up--that is, we ourselves--so frequently +return to a more primitive way of looking at these problems. In +punishing our children we go back to the method of the five- and +six-year-old. + +What is the reason for our apparent back-sliding? Is it not plainly +the fact that we allow ourselves to be mastered by the animal +instinct to strike back? When the child does something that causes +annoyance or even damage, do we stop to consider his motive, his +"intent," or do we only respond to the _result_ of his action? +Do we have a studied policy for treating his offence, or do we slide +back to the desire to "get even" or to "pay him" for what he has +done? + +Sometimes a very small offence will have grave consequences, while a +really serious fault may cause but little trouble. + +Here, for instance, is Harry, who was so intent upon chasing the +woodchuck that he ran through the new-sown field, trampling down the +earth. He caused considerable damage. If your punishment assumes the +proportion dictated by the anger which the harm caused, he certainly +will be dealt with severely. Knowing that he had not meant to do +wrong, he cannot help but feel the injustice of your wrath. Of +course, he has been careless and he must be impressed with the harm +such carelessness can cause. Whether you lock him in a room or +deprive him of some special pleasure, or whether you merely talk to +him, depends upon you and upon Harry. But one thing must be certain: +Harry must not get the notion that you are avenging yourself upon +him for the harm he has done, or for the ill-feeling aroused by his +act--he must not feel that "you are taking it out of him" because +you have been made angry. + +This brings us to the old rule: _Never punish in anger_. + +On the other hand, while we must allow every trace of anger to +disappear, we must not allow so much time to elapse as to make the +child lose the connection between his act and the consequence. A +little boy at breakfast threw some salt upon his sister's apple in a +spirit of mischief. The mother sent him out of the room and told him +that he would have to go to bed two hours earlier than usual that +night as a punishment for his misdeed. Now we all know that "the +days of youth are long, long days," and the many events of that day +had completely crowded out of the little boy's mind the trivial, +impulsive act of the morning. The punishment could not arouse in him +any feeling but that of unjust privation. + +This particular case illustrates three other problems in connection +with punishment. In the first place, nothing that is considered +desirable or beneficial should be brought into disfavor by being +used as a punishment. Sleep is a blessing, and, it may be said in +general, no healthy child gets too much of it. By imposing two hours +of additional sleep upon the child the mother discredits sleeping. +It isn't logical. It is as unreasonable as that once favorite +punishment of teachers, now rapidly being discarded, of keeping +children after school. On the one side they are told how grateful +they should be for this great boon of education, and for being +allowed to come to school, and then they are told: "You have been +very bad and troublesome to-day; as a punishment you shall have an +extra hour of this great privilege." + +The second point is that no punishment should ever deprive a child +of conditions that are necessary for his health or impose conditions +that are harmful. And, finally, it is not wise to exaggerate the +importance of trivial acts by treating them too seriously. The +little boy tried to be "smart" when he threw that salt. With nearly +every child it would be sufficient, in a case like this, to make him +feel that it was really very silly and that he had made himself +ridiculous in the eyes of the family. + +Very often the seriousness of a child's offence is greatly +exaggerated. We must not waste our ammunition on these small +matters; if we use our strongest terms of disapproval for the many +little everyday vexations, we shall be left quite without resource +when something really serious does occur. Children are very +sensitive to such exaggerations, and their attention is so much +taken up with the injustice of making a big ado about such trifles +that they overlook what is reprehensible in their own conduct. + +Some of the greatest authorities believe that a child should be +allowed to suffer the consequences of his deeds. We should borrow +from nature, they say, her method of dealing with offenders. If a +child touches fire he will be burnt, and each time the same effect +will follow his deed. Why not let our punishments be as certain and +uniform in their reaction? To a certain extent this plan can be +followed. If a little girl stubbornly refuses to wear her mittens, +it is all right to let her suffer the consequences, the natural +consequences--and let her hands get quite cold. + +But this principle cannot be consistently applied as a general +method. If a child insists upon leaning far out of the window it +would be foolish to let him suffer the consequences and fall, +possibly to his death. Part of our function is to prevent our +children from suffering all the possible consequences of their +actions. We are here to guide them and to protect them. + +To abandon the child to the natural consequences of his moral +actions would be even more harmful, for very often we must separate +the child from his fault. This is true in a double sense. In the +first place, we are concerned chiefly in removing the child's +faults, as a physician seeks to separate a patient from his +sickness. But we must also avoid the error of identifying any fault +with the fundamental nature of the child; that is, we must keep +before us the character of the child as distinct from the wrong acts +which the child may commit. If a child lies, that does not make of +him a liar, any more than does his failure to understand what he has +just been told make of him a blockhead. Yet the natural consequence +of lying, for instance, is to be mistrusted in the future--to be +branded a liar. This, however, is one of the worst things that can +happen to a child, and one of the surest ways of making him a +habitual liar. Many children pass through a stage in which they +naturally come to have the feeling which is expressed in the saying: +"If I have the name, I may as well have the game." We must show the +child that we have unbounded confidence in him, otherwise he will +lose faith in himself. + +It is clear, then, that the "natural" method will not work in such +cases, for the impulse to condemn the child after he has committed a +wrong deed, instead of condemning the _deed_, may merely help +to fix upon him the habit of committing similar deeds in the future. + +In Nature, too, the same punishment invariably follows the same +offence. If we try to imitate that method, the child soon learns +what he has to reckon with. If the child knows that a certain action +will produce a certain result, he often thinks it is worth the +price. Then the child feels that he has had his way, and, having +paid the price, the account is squared; so he feels justified in +doing the same thing again. In following this course we defeat our +own ends, as this kind of punishment does _not_ act as a fine +moral deterrent. + +Scolding as a punishment is also not efficacious. We are justified +in having our indignation aroused at times and in letting the +offender feel our displeasure. There is something calm and +impressive about genuine indignation, while scolding is apt to +become nagging and to arouse contempt in the child. + +When we consider the many difficulties of finding a punishment +exactly fitted to the offence in a way that will make the offender +avoid repetition, we are tempted to resort to sermonizing and +reasoning, for through our words we hope at times to establish in +the child's mind a direct relation between his conduct and the +undesirable consequences that spring from it. + +In doing this, however, we should not speak in generalities, but +bring before the child's mind concrete examples of his own +objectionable acts from recent experience. It is useless to tell +John how important it is to be punctual and let it go at that; it is +not enough even to tell him that he often fails to be on time. If +you can remind him that he was late for dinner on Wednesday, missed +the letter-carrier twice last month, and delayed attending to an +errand Monday until all the shops were closed, you have him where he +can understand your point. Mary will listen respectfully enough to a +homily on being considerate, but it will have little effect upon her +compared to bringing before her a picture of some of her actions: +how, instead of coming right home from school the day you were not +feeling well, and helping you with some of your tasks, she had gone +to visit a friend just that afternoon. + +But reasoning with a child often fails to accomplish its purpose, +because the child's reasoning is so different from that of an adult. +Unless there is a nearly perfect understanding of the workings of +the child's mind, reasoning is frequently futile. A seven-year-old +boy who had received a long lecture on the impropriety of keeping +dead crabs in his pockets said, after it was all over: "Well, they +were alive when I put them in. You are wasting a lot of my precious +time." These little brains have a way of working out combinations +that seem weird to us grown-ups. + +Only with a child of a certain type and a parent able to understand +the workings of his mind may the method of reasoning work +satisfactorily in correcting faults and establishing good habits and +ideals. + +No discussion of this subject would be complete without a word on +corporal punishment. It is impossible here to present all the +arguments for or against it. I am sure, however, that the most +enthusiastic advocates of it will admit that it is not always +practised with discretion and that it is in most cases not only +unnecessary but positively harmful. Children that are treated like +animals will behave like animals; violence and brutality do not +bring out the best in a child's nature. It would seem that +intelligent parents do not need to resort to such methods in the +training of normal children. + +As suggested by our veteran novelist, William Dean Howells, we have +clung to the wisdom of Solomon, in this respect, through centuries +of changing conditions. Solomon said: "Spare the rod and spoil the +child"; Mr. Howells suggests that we might with profit spoil the rod +and spare the child. In the small families of to-day there is no +need to cling to the methods that may have worked well enough with +the Oriental, polygamous despot, who never could know all his +children individually, and it is therefore hardly necessary to use +Solomon as our authority. + +It is plain, then, that it is impossible to recommend any punishment +as _the correct one_, or even to recommend any one infallible +rule. This must depend upon the parent, upon the child, and upon the +circumstances. But there are certain definite principles which we +must keep in mind and which will do much toward making our task of +discipline more rational: + +We must never punish in anger. + +We must consider the _motive_ and the _temptations_ before +the _consequence_ of the deed. + +We must condemn the _deed_ and not the child. + +We must be sure that the child understands exactly the offence with +which he is charged. + +We must be sure that he sees the _relation_ of the +_offence_ to the _punishment_. + +We must never administer any _excessive_ or unusual punishment. + +We must not _exaggerate_ the magnitude of the offence. + +If we keep these principles in mind we may not always be right, but +we shall certainly be right more often than if we had no policy or +definite ideas. But, above all, we must recognize that punishment is +only a corrective, and that it is our duty to build up the positive +virtues. Let us expend our energy in the effort to establish good +habits and ideals, and the child will shed many of the faults which +now occupy the centre of our interest and attention. + +In a family where the proper spirit of intimacy and mutual +understanding and forbearance reigns punishment will be relegated to +its proper place--namely, the medicine closet--and not be used as +daily bread. For punishment is a medicine--a corrective--and when we +administer it we must do in the spirit of the physician. We do not +wish to be quacks and have one patent remedy to cure all evils; but, +like physicians worthy of their trust, we must study the ailment and +its causes, and above all must we study the patient. The same remedy +will not do for all constitutions. Therefore the punishment must not +only fit the crime, but it must also be made to fit the "criminal." + +Love and patience are the secret of child management. Love which can +fare from the chilliest soul; patience which knows how to wait for +the harvest. + + + + +III. + +WHEN YOUR CHILD IMAGINES THINGS + + +Johnny was playing in the room while his mother was sewing at the +window. Johnny looked out of the window and exclaimed, "Oh, mother, +see that great big lion!" + +His mother looked, but saw only a medium-sized dog. + +"Why, Johnny," replied the mother, "how can you say such a thing? +You know very well that was only a dog. Now go right in the corner +and pray to God to forgive you for telling such a lie!" + +Johnny went. When he came back, he said triumphantly, "See, mother, +God said He thought it was a lion Himself." + +This poor mother is a typical example of a large class of mothers +who fail to understand their children because they have no idea of +what goes on in the child's mind. To Johnny the lion was just as +_real_ as the dog was to the mother. And even if the dog had +not been there for the mother to see, Johnny could have seen just as +real a lion. + +Every mother ought to know that practically every healthy child has +imagination. You will have to take a long day's journey to find a +child that has no imagination to begin with--and then you will find +that this child is wonderfully uninteresting, or actually stupid. + +You can easily observe for yourself that as soon as a child knows a +large number of objects and persons and names he will begin to +rearrange his bits of knowledge into new combinations, and in this +way make a little world of his own. In this world, beasts and +furniture and flowers talk and have adventures. When the dew is on +the grass, "the grass is crying." Butterflies are "flying pansies." +Lightning is the "sky winking," and so on. This activity of the +child's mind begins at about two years, and reaches its height +between the ages of four and six. But it continues through life with +greater or less intensity, according to circumstances and original +disposition. + +It is not only the poet and artist who need imagination, but all of +us in our everyday concerns. Do you realize that the person to whom +you like so much to talk about your affairs, because she is so +sympathetic, _is sympathetic_ because she has imagination? For +without imagination we cannot "put ourselves in the place of +another," and much of the misery in the relation between human +beings exists because so many of us are unable to do this. The happy +cannot realize the needs of the miserable, and the miserable cannot +understand why anyone should be happy--if they lack imagination. + +The need for imagination, far from being confined to dreamers and +persons who dwell in the clouds, is of great _practical_ +importance in the development of mind and character. Imagination is +a direct help in learning, and in developing sympathy. As one of our +great moral leaders, Felix Adler, has said, much of the selfishness +of the world is due, not to actual hard-heartedness, but to lack of +imaginative power. + +We all know the classic example of Queen Marie Antoinette, who, when +told that the people were rioting for want of bread, exclaimed, +"Why, let them eat cake instead!" Brought up in luxury, she could +not realize what absolute want means. She had no imagination. + +The world has progressed, but we still have among us the same type +of unfortunate persons who are unable to put themselves in the place +of others. I recently heard of a woman who, on being told of a +family so poor that they had had nothing but cold potatoes for +supper the night before, replied: + +"They may be poor, but the mother must be a very bad housekeeper, +anyway. For, even if they had nothing but potatoes to eat, she might +at least have fried them." + +Like her royal prototype, this modern woman had not the imagination +to realize that a family could be so poor as to be in want of fuel. + +But being able to put yourself in the place of another is of +importance not only from the strictly moral point of view. You can +easily see how it will affect one's everyday relations, how it will +be of great help in avoiding misunderstandings of all kinds--as +between mother and child, between mistress and maid, etc. + +If parents would only realize this importance of imagination, and +not look upon it as a "vain thing," they would not merely +_allow_ the child's imagination to take its own course; they +would actually make efforts to cultivate and encourage it. In this +way they would not only aid the child in becoming a better and more +sympathetic man or woman, but would also add much to the happiness +of the child. + +Unless we have given special thought to this matter, most of us +grown-ups do not appreciate how very real the child's world of +make-believe is to him, and how essential to his happiness that we do +not break into it rudely. When one of my boys was two and a half years +old he was one day playing with an imaginary baby sister. A member of +the household came into the room, whereupon he immediately broke out +in wild screaming and became very much agitated. It took some time to +quiet him and to find out that the cause of all his trouble was the +fact that this person had inadvertently stepped upon his imaginary +sister, whom he had placed upon the floor. Before him he saw his +little sister crushed, and great were his horror and grief. + +I know from this experience and many others that if we do not enter +into the child's world and try to understand the working of his mind +we will often find him naughty, when he is not naughty at all. In +the example given it would have been very easy to follow the first +impulse to reprove the child for what seemed very unreasonable +conduct on his part. And such cases arise constantly. + +How completely the child throws himself into an imaginary character is +shown by an incident which occurred recently. A little boy of four, +who had been accustomed to speak only German at home, was playing +"doctor," and was so absorbed in the play that when dinner-time came +he was loath to abandon the role. His mother, to avoid delay, simply +said, "I think we will invite the doctor to have dinner with us," and +he promptly accepted the invitation. When the maid came in, he said in +English, "What is her name?" + +"Marie," the mother replied. "Isn't that Mary in English?" the child +politely inquired. "You see, I cannot speak German, for my mother +never taught me." And although this little boy never spoke English +to his parents nor his parents to him, as "doctor" he spoke English +throughout the meal. + +Many parents enter spontaneously into the spirit of their children's +games, and make believe with the best of them. They pity poor Johnny +when he screams with terror at the attack of the make-believe bear, +and take great joy in admiring the make-believe kitten. If we but +realized how all this make believe helps in the development of +character and in the gaining of knowledge, _all_ parents would +try to develop the child's imagination, and not only those who have +the gift intuitively. It is the child's natural way of learning +things, of getting acquainted with all living and inanimate objects +in his environment. It sharpens his observation. A child who tries +to "act a horse," for example, will be much more apt to notice all +the different activities and habits of the horse in his various +relations than a child who merely observes passively. + +A child with imagination, when receiving directions or instructions, +can picture to himself what he is expected to do, and easily +translates his instructions into action. To the unimaginative child +the directions given will be so many words, and he cannot carry out +these instructions as effectively. + +Again and again teachers find that pupils fail to carry out orders, +though able, when asked, to repeat word for word the instructions +given them. + +The plaintive inquiry, "What shall I do now?" is much more +frequently heard from the child who is unimaginative or who has had +the play of his imagination curbed. For the child can _be_ +whatever he wishes, and _have_ whatever he likes, his heart's +desire is at his finger's end, once his imagination is free. The +rocking-chair can be a great big ship, the carpet a rolling sea, and +at most a suggestion is needed from the busy mother. A few chairs +can be a train of cars and keep him occupied for hours. A wooden box +is transformed into a mighty locomotive--in fact, give an +imaginative child almost anything, a string of beads, or a piece of +colored glass, and out of it his imagination will construct great +happiness. + +A normal child does not need elaborate toys. The only function of a +toy, as someone has well said, is "to serve as lay figures upon +which the child's imagination can weave and drape its fancy." + +Although parents have not always understood what goes on in the +child's mind when he is so busy with his play, our poets and lovers +of children have had a deeper insight. Stevenson, in his poem "My +Kingdom," shows us how, with the touch of imagination, the child +transforms the commonplace objects of his surroundings into material +for rich romance: + +Down by a shining water well +I found a very little dell, + No higher than my head. +The heather and the gorse about +In summer bloom were coming out, + Some yellow and some red. + +I called the little pool a sea: +The little hills were big to me; + For I am very small. +I made boat, I made a town, +I searched the caverns up and down, + And named them one and all. + +And all about was mine, I said, +The little sparrows overhead, + The little minnows, too. +This was the world and I was king: +For me the bees came by to sing, + For me the swallows flew. + +I played there were no deeper seas, +Nor any wilder plains than these, + Nor other kings than me. +At last I hear my mother call +Out from the house at evenfall, + To call me home to tea. + +And I must rise and leave my dell, +And leave my dimpled water well, + And leave my heather blooms. +Alas! and as my home I neared, +How very big my nurse appeared, + How great and cool the rooms! + +Some children do not even need _objects_ as a starting point +for their imaginative activity. They can just conjure up persons and +things to serve as material for their play. Many children, when +alone, have imaginary companions. One little boy, when taken out for +his airing, daily met an imaginary friend, whom he called "Buster." +As soon as he stepped out of the house he uttered a peculiar call, +to which Buster replied--though no one but he heard him--and he +would run to meet him and they would have a lovely time together, +sometimes for hours at a stretch. + +Another little child received a daily visit from an imaginary cow. +There was a certain place in the living-room where this red cow with +white spots would appear. The child would go through the motions of +feeding her, patting her, and bringing her water. + +In these two cases the "companionship" lasted but a few months, but +there are children whose imaginary companions grow up with them and +get older as they get older. + +[Illustration: Imagination supplies this two-year-old a prancing +steed.] + +In some instances there is a group of such imaginary companions, and +their activities constitute "a continued story," of which the child +is a living centre, although not necessarily the hero. + +It seems to me that the power to create his own friends must be a +great boon to a child who is forced to be alone a great deal or has +no congenial companions. + +There need be no fear--except perhaps in very extreme cases--that +such activity of the imagination is morbid. A little girl who plays +with her dolls is really doing the same thing, only that she has a +symbol for each of her imaginary companions. + +But although an imaginative child is much easier to teach later on, +and although he does not trouble you with the incessant nagging +"What shall I do now?" the mother whose idea of good conduct is +"keeping quiet" will find the unimaginative child much easier to +care for. He is very much less active and therefore "less +troublesome." This explains why this priceless gift of imagination +has so often been discouraged by parents and teachers. But they did +not know that they were actually _harming_ the child by so +discouraging him, or, let us hope, they would not have chosen the +easier way. For, after all, we are not looking for the easiest way +of getting along with children, but for the best, and the best for +them will prove in the end to be the best for us. + +It must certainly try your patience, when you are tired, at the end +of a day's work, to have Harry refuse to come to be put to bed +because you called him "Harry"; and he replies, perhaps somewhat +crossly: "I am not Harry, I told you. I am little Jack Horner, and I +have to sit in my corner." But no matter how hard it may seem, do +not get discouraged. Once you are fully aware of the importance of +what seems to be but silly play, you will add this one more to your +many sacrifices, and find that it will bring returns a hundredfold. +And, after all, as in so many other problems, when you resolve to +make the sacrifice, it turns out to be no sacrifice. For, once you +approach the problem in an understanding spirit, the flights of the +child's imagination will give you untold pleasure. + +Another reason why imagination has been suppressed by those who are +in charge of children is the fear that it will lead to the formation +of habits of untruthfulness. It is very hard to realize, unless you +understand the child's nature, that the child is not lying when he +says something that is manifestly not so to you and the other +adults. I have heard children reproved for lying when I was sure +that they had no idea of what a "lie" is. In one family an older boy +broke a plate and, when charged with the deed, denied it flatly. His +little brother, however, confessed and described just how he had +broken it. Now, the older boy was telling a falsehood consciously-- +probably from fear of punishment. The little fellow, however, was +not telling an untruth--from his point of view. He really imagined +having broken that plate. He had heard the event discussed by the +family until all the incidents were vivid to him and he pictured +himself as the hero. + +Up to a certain time it is impossible for the child to distinguish +between what we call _real_ and his make-believe. Both are +equally real to him, and the make-believe is ever so much more +interesting. + +Until about the fifth year a child does not know that he is +imagining; between the ages of four and six the imaginative period +is at its height, and there begins to appear a sort of undercurrent +of consciousness that it is all make-believe, and this heightens the +pleasure of trying to make it seem real. Gradually the child learns +to distinguish between imaginary experiences and real ones, but +until you are quite certain that he _does_ distinguish, do not +attach any moral significance to his stories. Should an older child +be inclined to tell falsehoods, you may be sure that this is +_not_ because his imagination has been cultivated. There are +then other reasons and causes, and they must be studied on their own +account. + +After you come to a clear appreciation of the value of imagination +in the child's development you will, instead of suppressing his +feelings, look around for ways of encouraging this activity of his +mind. You will see a new value in fairy tales and fables and a new +significance in every turn of his fancy. + + + + +IV. + +THE LIES CHILDREN TELL + + +None of the petty vices of childhood appears to shock adults so much +as lying; and none is more widespread among children--and among +adults. As we are speaking of children, however, it is enough to say +that all children lie--constantly, persistently, universally. +Perhaps you will be less grieved by the lies of your children, and +less loath to admit that they do lie, if you realize that _all_ +children lie. The mother who tells you that her child never lies is +either deceiving herself or trying to impress you with the +superiority of her off-spring. In her case the untruthfulness of +childhood has not been remedied. + +However, although lying is so common, that is no reason for ignoring +the lies of children. They have to be taught to know the truth, and +to speak it and to act it. And they can be taught. The Psalmist +said, "All men are liars"; but he spoke hastily, as he afterward +learned. All of us are probably born with instincts that make it +easy for us to acquire the art of lying; but we have also the +instincts that make us love the truth and speak it. Indeed, a child +may acquire a hatred of untruth that is so keen as to be positively +distressing; and this condition is just as morbid and undesirable as +that of the other extreme, which accepts lies as the usual thing. + +As in other problems connected with the bringing up of children, the +first and the last aim should be to understand the child, the +individual, particular child. Will your child become a habitual +liar, or will he simply "outgrow" the tendency toward untruthfulness, +as he will leave other childish things behind him? It is impossible to +tell; but for the vast majority of children a great deal depends upon +the kind of treatment given. If you do not treat the lies of your +children _understandingly_, there is the danger that you will +bring out other characteristics, perhaps even more undesirable +ones--such as cruelty, vindictiveness, or even _actual deceit_. + +We must recognize that there is no general faculty of lying. It is +very easy for us to class as _lies_ every word and every act +that is not in complete harmony with the facts--as we understand +them. But there are many kinds of lies, as well as many degrees of +them. A child that is branded a liar has undoubtedly given abundant +occasion for mistrust, and has lied aplenty; but undoubtedly also he +has specialized in his lying, and would be incapable of certain +kinds of lies that are common enough with other children. As we are +the judges of our children in all of their misdeeds, we must +preserve not only a judicious attitude, but we must really be +_just_. And to this end it is essential that we take into +consideration all the circumstances that lead to a lie, including +the motives, as well as the special traits of the particular child. + +The first thing that we should keep always in mind is that the moral +character of the child is still unformed, and that his standards of +truth, like his other standards, are not the same as those of the +adult. Indeed, this fact is at the same time the hope of childhood +and the source of its many tragedies. It is the hope because the +child is _growing_, and acquiring new vision and new powers; +the child of to-day is the adult of to-morrow, and most of the +children of to-day will be at least as developed, in time, as the +adults of to-day. The tragedy arises from the fact that as we grow +older we forget the outlook of the child, and misunderstandings +between the parents and the children are almost inevitable. + +Whatever the prevailing morality of a community may demand, the fact +remains that practically all children up to a certain age consider +it perfectly legitimate to lie to their enemies if they but tell the +truth to their friends. Children may lie to the policeman, or to the +teacher, or to anyone with whom they are for the moment in conflict. +This is a relic of the time when our savage ancestors found it +necessary to practice deceit in order to save themselves from their +enemies. So ingrained is this instinct that many a child will stick +to a falsehood before the teacher or other inquisitors, only to +retract and "go to pieces" when obliged to answer his mother. It has +been shown over and over again that children even well along in the +teens consider it quite right to tell one story to a teacher or to +another child who is disliked, and a different story to one that is +liked. This attitude probably arises not so much from a desire to +deceive as an outcome of natural cunning and adaptability. + +This is illustrated by the little girl who used to throw the crust +of her bread under the table, to get more soft bread. The child was +too young to deceive anyone; she could not possibly have the idea of +deceit or of lying. She had simply come to dispose of the crust in +this way because she had associated the arrival of more bread with +her empty-handedness; to throw the bread under the table was a +direct way to the getting of what she wanted. The question of truth +or untruth never entered the little mind. To treat this child as a +liar would not only be unjust, but would be apt to make the child +conscious of the idea of deceit. Later in his development the child +may still use the same kind of cunning in getting what he wants or +in escaping what he does not like, without the intention to deceive. +And a lie, to be a lie, must include that intention. + +All students of child nature agree that a very young child--say +before the age of four or five--does not lie consciously. Later, the +child may say many things that are not so, but gradually he comes to +recognize the difference between what he says and what is really so; +he may need help in coming to see the difference, but this aid +should not be forced upon him too soon. A little boy of five who was +very imaginative became acquainted with some older children in a new +neighborhood who had little imagination and therefore were greatly +shocked by Herbert's "stories." They proceeded to inform him that he +was lying, and to explain to him what a lie was. The boy was very +much impressed. After he came home he discovered that there was a +great deal of lying going on. He asked his little brother, "Are you +older than me?"--to which the little one answered in the +affirmative. Herbert came running to his mother to report that the +baby had "told a lie!" For several weeks everything that was said +was subject to the child's severe scrutiny; every slightest mistake +was at once labelled by him as a "lie." Richard said _this_ is +my right hand, that is a lie; Helen said I may not play with the +hammer, mother said I may, so Helen lied; the maid said it was time +to go to bed, but it is only five minutes to seven, so the maid +lied. And he would delight especially in asking the baby brother +leading questions, to trap him into saying lies. This experience did +not result in making Herbert any more scrupulous in his own speech, +for his imagination created interesting and dramatic situations, +which he described with zeal and enthusiasm, for a long time after +he had discovered "lies." + +The young child is really incapable of distinguishing between his +dreams and reality on the one hand, and between reality and his +day-dreams or imaginings on the other. A little boy came home from +kindergarten a few days after he had entered, and, when the experience +was still full of novelties to him, he described the workshop: each +little boy had a pair of overalls with the name across the bib in +black letters; there was a little locker for each child, with the name +on the outside; each had his set of tools and his place at the bench. +Day by day he narrated his doings in "school" and reported the +progress he was making with a little "hair-pin box" that he intended +for his aunt's birthday. On the birthday the mother came to the school +to see how the boy was getting on; and she asked about the hair-pin +box which he was now to bring home. It then appeared that there was no +shop, no overalls, no lockers, no tools. The whole story was a +creation of the child's imagination, and all the details he had +invented were real enough to him to be described repeatedly with such +vividness that no one suspected for a moment that it was all a +fabrication. To call such stories "lies" would be worse than useless. +If scolding or preaching could make a child merely stop _telling_ such +stories, there would be no gain; if they stopped a child _thinking_ +such stories, there would be a decided loss. + +Gradually the child may come to recognize the difference between the +make-believe and the reality, and he may be helped. When at a +certain age you think your child ought to distinguish more clearly +between his imagination and cold facts, it would be all right to +explain to him that, although there is no harm in his enjoying his +make-believe, still he must not tell his fancies as if they were +real, but must tell them as "make-believe stories." That will +achieve the desired result without making him feel hurt at your lack +of understanding in treating him like an ordinary liar whose prime +intention is to deceive. But it is not wise to force this +development, even at the risk of prolonging the age of dreams. + +With some children lying is caused by their esthetic feelings. It is +much easier for them to describe a situation as they feel it should +have been than to describe it as it actually was. Many children +"embellish the facts" without any trace of intent to deceive. +Although we recognize that what they say is not strictly the truth, +we must further recognize that it is their love of the beautiful or +their sense of the fitness of things that leads them to these +"exaggerations." It is the same sort of instinct as shows itself in +our love of certain kinds of fiction. We know that some of the happy +endings in the plays and in the novels are often far-fetched; but we +like to have the happy endings, or the "poetic justice" endings, or +the "irony of fate" endings, just the same. When the child makes up +his endings to fit his sense of justice or beauty, we must not +condemn him, as we are often tempted to do, by calling his +fabrication a "lie," for that at once puts it in the same class as +deliberate deceit for a selfish purpose. There is really no harm in +this class of lies, unless, as the child grows older, it becomes +apparent that he lets his wishes and preferences interfere with his +vision of what is actually going on. In such cases the remedy is not +to be found in the denunciation of lying, but in giving the child +opportunity to experience realities that cannot be treated +untruthfully. To this end various kinds of hand work and scientific +study have been useful. It is impossible for the child to cheat the +tools of the workshop or his instruments of precision; it is +impossible to make a spool of thread do the work of two or three; or +one cannot make the paint go farther by applying the brush faster. +It is concrete reality that can teach the imaginative child reality; +in the things he learns from books there is no check upon the +imagined and the desired--one kind of outcome is as likely and as +true as another. But in the experience of the workaday world causes +and consequences cannot be so easily altered by a trick of words. + +Investigation has shown that the sentimental or heroic element is +one that appeals to children so strongly that it may often lead to +what we adults would call lies, or it would seem to the child to +justify lying. The confession to a deed that he has not committed, +for the purpose of saving a weaker companion from punishment or +injury, seems to be a type of lie that appeals strongly to most +children. Again and again have boys--and girls, too--declared +stoically that they were guilty of some dereliction of which they +were quite innocent, to shield a friend. And most children not only +admire such acts, but will seek to defend them on moral grounds, +even when they are old enough to know what a _lie_ is. The +explanation for this is to be found in the fact that the child sees +every situation or problem as a whole; he has not yet learned to +separate problems into their component parts. A situation is to him +all wrong or all right; he cannot see that a part may be wrong, +while another part is right. Now in the case of the self-confessed +culprits, the magnanimity and heroism of the act stand out so +prominently that they quite overshadow the trifling circumstance +that the hero did _not_ do the wicked deed. + +An excellent illustration of this trait of child nature came out in +an inquiry that was made a number of years ago. A child replied, in +answer to the question "When would a lie be justified?" that if the +mother's life depended upon it one would have the moral duty of +saying that she "was out, although she was really in." That is, it +would be one's duty to make the great moral _sacrifice_ of +speaking an untruth for the sake of saving the mother. Any child +will tell you, as did this one, that it would be wicked to tell a +lie to save his own life! + +This suggests another type of lie that is quite common. Most +children feel their personal loyalties so keenly that they would do +many things that they themselves consider wrong for a person they +love or admire. A little girl was so much impressed with the moral +teachings of her Sunday-school teacher that she was determined to +get her a suitable Christmas present. Now, the family had not the +means to supply such a present, and Mary knew it, and was greatly +distressed by the fact. However, where there is a will there is a +way; and Mary found the way by cunningly stealing a moustache cup +from a store with the inspiring legend "To dear Father" and +beautiful red and blue roses and gilt leaves. Mary had learned that +it was wicked to steal and to lie, etc., but her heart was set on +getting something for the teacher, not for herself, and she very +unselfishly risked her moral salvation for the person she loved and +admired. + +It is probably better for the child if we do not push the analysis +of acts and motives too early, for there is more danger at a certain +age from morbid self-consciousness than from acquiring vicious +habits. If we recognize that many of the lapses from the paths of +truth arise from really worthy motives, we must make sure that these +ideals become fixed before we attempt to separate the unworthy act +from the commendable purpose. + +The cases so far given show how important it is to retain not only +the affection but also the confidence of our children; and how +important it is to have right teachers and associates. The child +will do what he can to please those he really likes or admires; but +the kind of thing he will do will depend a great deal upon what +those he admires themselves like to see done. + +There are some lies that are due to faulty observation. We do not +often realize to what extent we supplement our sense perceptions in +relating our experiences. Lawyers tell us that it is very difficult +to have a witness relate _exactly_ what he saw; he is always +adding details for completing the story in accordance with his +_interpretation_ of what he saw. This is not lying in any +sense, but it is relating as alleged facts what are in reality +conclusions from facts. One may be an unreliable witness without +being a liar; and so may the child tell us things that we know are +not so because, in trying to tell a complete story, he has to +supplement what he actually saw with what he feels _must_ have +been a part of the incident. Defects of judgment as well as +delusions of the senses or lapses of memory may lead to +misstatements that are not really lies. Some delusions of the +senses, especially of sight and of hearing, undoubtedly have a +physical cause. + +Another source of comparatively harmless lying is the instinct for +secretiveness. Children just love to have secrets, and if there are +none on hand, they have to be invented. A child will tell another a +secret on condition that it be kept a secret; but when the secret is +told it turns out to be a falsehood--perhaps even something +libellous. Now, the child cannot feel that he has done anything +wicked, for to his mind the big thing is that Nellie promised not to +tell, and she broke her promise! If she had not broken her promise +to keep the secret, it never would have come out, and no harm would +have been done. Perhaps we have not yet sufficiently driven secrets +from our common life to demand that the children shall be without +secrets. When we set the children an example of perfect frankness +and open dealing in all matters, we may perhaps be in a position to +discourage the invention of secrets by the young people. +Secretiveness leads naturally to deceit; but it is not in itself +serious enough to make much ado about. Healthy children in healthful +social surroundings will outgrow this instinct; where the atmosphere +is charged with intrigue and scheming and dissimulation, this +instinct may survive longer, but its manifestation is in itself not +a trait that should give its concern. + +Some children lie because they are inclined to brag or show off; +others for just the opposite reason--they are too sensitive or +timid. And a lie that comes from either side of the child's nature +cannot be taken as a sign of moral depravity; the treatment which a +child is given must take into consideration the child's temperament. +Charles Darwin tells of his own inclination to make exaggerated +statements for the purpose of causing a sensation. "I told another +little boy," he writes in his autobiography, "that I could produce +variously-colored polyanthuses and primroses by watering them with +certain colored fluids, which was, of course, a monstrous fable, and +had never been tried by me. I may here also confess that as a little +boy I was much given to inventing deliberate falsehoods, and this +was always done for the sake of causing excitement. For instance, I +once gathered much valuable fruit from my father's trees and hid it +in the shrubbery and then ran in breathless haste to spread the news +that I had discovered a hoard of stolen fruit." + +For the vaunting lie it is usually sufficient to defeat its purpose +by showing that the boast cannot be carried out. The braggart is +made to descend from the pedestal of the hero to the level of the +fool. + +How the other extreme in disposition may lead to a "lie" is shown by +the little girl who was sent to the store for a loaf of bread and +came back saying that there was no more to be had. The mother was +very sure that that could not be, but soon found out, on +questioning, that the child had forgotten what she was sent to get +and was then afraid of being ridiculed for having forgotten. Here +the cause of the lie was timidity. To punish this child would only +make her more timid. In a case of this kind the mother should try to +cultivate the self-confidence of the child instead of punishing her +for untruthfulness. + +Perhaps the most common kind of lie is the one that a child tells in +order to escape punishment. It is often chosen as "the easiest way" +without realization of any serious wrong-doing. And even when a +child is taught the wrong of it, it is still too helpful to be +entirely dropped. As a little boy once said, "A lie is an +abomination to the Lord, and an ever-ready help in time of trouble." +The first lie of this kind that a child invents comes without any +feeling of moral wrong-doing. He has only an instinctive shrinking +from pain. To cure a child of this kind of lie, we must take his +disposition into consideration; there is no one remedy that suits +all children. In some cases it has worked very well to develop the +courage of the child, so that he will fearlessly accept the +consequences of his deeds. We all know of cases where children can +be physically very brave and stand a great deal of pain if they are +made to see the necessity for it--as when they are treated by a +dentist or physician. Children of that type surely can be taught to +be brave, also, about accepting the consequences of misdeeds. With +another type of child the desired result can be obtained by making +him see that he will be happier and that his relations with others +will he pleasanter if he always tells the truth. In some children +the sense of honor can be very easily aroused, and they can be made +to see how truthfulness and reliability help human beings to get +along with each other in their various relations. A great many +temptations for this kind of lie can be entirely avoided if your +child feels from earliest infancy that you always treat him justly. + +Yet a child who is neither afraid of punishment nor inclined to +deceive may often be tempted to lie when his wits are challenged. +There is something about your tone of voice, or in the manner of +asking "Who left the door of the chicken-house open?" that is an +irresistible temptation to make you show how smart you really are. +You think you know, and your manner shows it; but you may be +mistaken, and your cocksureness arouses all the cunning and +combativeness of the child. There is a vague feeling in his mind +that he would like to see you confirm your suspicion without the aid +of an open confession--and the result is a "lie." Indeed, any +approach that arouses antagonisms is almost sure to bring out the +propensity to dissimulate or even to deceive. In such cases the +mother should learn how to approach the child without a challenge, +instead of trying to teach the child not to lie. + +The worst kind of lies are those caused by selfishness or the desire +to gain at the expense of another, or those prompted by malice or +envy, or the passion for vengeance. Although such lies often appear +in the games of children, the games themselves are not to be held +responsible for this. Indeed, the games of the older children, when +played under suitable direction, are likely to be among the best +means for remedying untruthfulness. Yet it may be wise sometimes to +keep a child from his games for a time, not so much to "punish" him +for lying as to give him an opportunity to reflect on the close +connection between truthfulness and good playing. Special +instruction may sometimes be needed as a means to arousing the +conscience. The lies of selfishness are bad because, if continued, +they are likely to make children grasping and unscrupulous. But it +is in most cases wiser to try to make the child more generous and +frank than to fix the attention on the lies. If he can be made to +realize that his happiness is more likely to be assured through +friendly and sincere relations, the temptation to use lies will be +reduced. + +One type of lying that is very irritating and very hard to meet is +that known as prevarication. This consists in telling a part of a +truth, or even a whole truth, in such a way as to convey a false +impression, and is most common at about twelve or thirteen years. +When a child resorts to prevarication he is already old enough to +know the difference between a truthful statement and a false +statement. Indeed, it is when he most keenly realizes this that he +is most likely to prevaricate, for this is but a device by which the +childish mind attempts to achieve an indirect purpose and at the +same time keep his peace with his conscience. It is when he already +has a certain fear of lying, and is not yet thoroughly sincere and +truth-loving, that he will come home from the truant fishing party +and ingeniously tell you that a "friend of Harry's" caught the fish, +instead of saying that he himself did it. His conscience is quite +satisfied with the reflection that he _is_ a friend of Harry's. +In this stage of his career the child is quite capable of +understanding a direct analysis of what is essentially a deception, +and a good heart-to-heart talk that comes to a conclusion is about +the best thing he can get. + +I hope you will not think, from what I have said, that I have been +trying to justify lying, or that I do not consider lying a serious +matter; nor, on the other hand, that you will consider a single +application of the remedies suggested sufficient to make any child +truthful. Thoroughgoing truthfulness comes hard and generally comes +late. But for the majority of children truthfulness is attainable, +although it will not be attained without a struggle. The finer +instincts often enough lead to violations of strict veracity; but +they may be made also to strengthen the feeling of scrupulous regard +for the truth. + +I have tried to show that what we call a lie is _not_ always a +lie; and that some of the very methods we use in training our +children themselves produce lies. The inflicting of severe +punishments is one of the chief of these, and the most common lie is +that which is due to fear of punishment. Lies that arise from bad +habits should be treated by an attempt to remedy the bad habit. Lies +that arise from ignorance should be treated by attention to +necessary knowledge. + +Even more important than the right kind of treatment for +untruthfulness is the necessity for an atmosphere in which the +spirit of truthfulness is all-pervading. Some day watch yourself and +notice how often you tell untruths to your child; how often he hears +you tell so-called "white lies" to your neighbors; how often he +hears you prevaricate and exaggerate. If you will keep track of +these things you will realize that it is a trifle absurd of you to +expect your child to be a strict speaker of the truth. Part of our +campaign against the lies of our children must therefore consist in +our attempt to establish truthful relations among adults, and +between adults and children. + + + + +V. + +BEING AFRAID + + +The heroes of history and the heroes of fiction whom all of us like +to admire are the men and women who know no fear. But most of us +make use of fear as a cheap device for attaining immediate results +with our children. When Johnny hesitates about going upstairs in the +dark to fetch your work-basket, you remind him of Columbus, who +braved the trackless sea and the unknown void in the West, and you +exhort him to be a man; but when Johnny was younger you yourself +warned him that the Bogeyman would get him if be did not go right to +sleep. And it is not very long since the day when he tried to climb +the cherry tree and you attempted to dissuade him with the alarming +prophecy that he would surely fall down and break his neck. + +Thus our training consists of countless contradictions: we set up +noble ideals to arouse courage and self-reliance--when that suits +our immediate purpose; and we frighten with threats and warn of +calamity when the child has the impulse to do what we do not wish to +have him do. This at once suggests the effect of fear upon character +and conduct. We instinctively call upon courage when we want the +child _to do_ something; we call upon fear when we want to +_prevent action_. In other words, bravery stimulates, whereas +fear paralyzes. + +The human race is characterized by an instinct of fear. Very young +infants exhibit all the symptoms of fear long before they can have +any knowledge or experience of the disagreeable and the harmful +effects of the things that frighten them. Thus a sudden noise will +make the child start and tremble and even scream. And all through +life an unexpected and loud noise is likely to startle us. An +investigation has shown that thunder is feared much more than +lightning. Children will laugh at the flashes of lightning, but will +cower before the roaring thunder. + +The feeling of fear is closely associated with what is _unknown_. It +is not noise in general that frightens the children, but an +unexpected noise from an unknown source. Indeed, the children like +noise itself well enough to produce it whenever they can by heating +drums, or barrels, or wash-boilers. The frightful thing about thunder +is that the cause remains a mystery, and it is frightful so long as +the cause _does_ remain a mystery, if the child lives to be a hundred +years old. During a thunder-storm children will picture to themselves +a battle going on above. Some think of the sky cracking or the moon +bursting, or conceive of the firmament as a dome of metal over which +balls are being rolled. + +[Illustration: Neither are girls afraid to climb.] + +The influence of the unknown explains also why that other great +source of fear, namely, darkness, has such a strange hold upon +children. Fear of darkness is very common and often very intense. +There are but few children who do not suffer from it at some time +and to some extent. This fear is frequently suggested by stories of +robbers, ghosts, or other terrors, but even children who have been +carefully guarded sometimes have these violent fears that cannot be +reasoned away. + +In order to discover what it is about the darkness that frightens +children, a large number of women and men were asked to recall their +childish experiences with fear, and from the many instances given +the following may be used to illustrate the various terrors of the +dark. + +One woman described her fears of "an indistinct living something, +black, possibly curly," which she feared would enter the room in the +darkness from somewhere under the bed. Another could see dark +objects with eyes and teeth slowly and noiselessly descending from +the ceiling toward her. One little boy, when he had finally overcome +fear, said to his father that he thought the dark to be "a large +live thing the color of black." A girl of nineteen said she +remembered that on going to bed she used to see little black figures +jumping about between the ceiling and the bed. + +It is well known that the feeling of fear is often very intense +among children; and where it is due to ignorance it is not right to +laugh it away. Doing so affords no explanation. The ridicule may +cause the child to _hide_ his fear, but will not drive the +feeling away. Since the feeling of fear is so closely connected with +the strange and unknown, the only way that it may be directly +overcome is by making the child familiar with the objects that cause +such feelings. + +In the case of young children with whom we cannot reason it is best, +wherever possible, to remove the cause or gradually to make the +child familiar with the darkness, or whatever it is that makes him +unhappy. One very young child became frightened when he was +presented with a Teddy bear. Every time the Teddy bear was produced +he would cry with terror. The mother was perplexed about what to do. +Now, as the Teddy bear is not a necessary part of the child's +surroundings, there is no reason why it cannot be removed altogether +and produced again upon some future occasion, when the child is old +enough to be indifferent to it. Very many children are frightened by +the touch of fur, or even of velvet; but this lasts only a short +time, and they soon learn to like dogs and cats. + +The fear of darkness is different; we cannot eliminate darkness from +the child's experience, and we must patiently try to help the child +to overcome his fear, since he will suffer greatly so long as it +lasts. The help you give him will also constitute one more bond of +sympathy between you and your child, and we cannot have too many +such bonds. + +One mother got her boy used to going into a dark room by placing +some candy on the farther window and sending him for that. Here the +child fixed his attention on the goal and had no time to think of +the terrors of the dark. After making such visits a few times the +boy became quite indifferent to the darkness. + +Another ingenious mother gave her little daughter who was afraid a +tiny, flat, electric spotlight which just fitted into the pocket of +her pajama jacket She took it to bed with her, slipped it under the +pillow, and derived such comfort from it that the whole family was +relieved. The child soon outgrew her timidity. + +A child who from infancy has been accustomed to going to sleep in +the dark and suddenly develops a fear of it ought to be indulged to +the extent of having a light for a few minutes to show him that +there is nothing there to be afraid of. It may take a few evenings +and several disagreeable trips to the child's bedroom, but in the +end he will be victorious and you will have helped him to win the +victory. + +A child that is not in good health is likely to be possessed by his +fears much longer than one who is well. In the latter case there is +a fund of energy to go exploring, and the child thus becomes more +readily acquainted with his surroundings, and as his knowledge grows +his fears vanish. Again, the sickly child has not the energy to +fight his fears, as has the healthy child. Indeed, the high spirits +of the healthy child often lead him to seek the frightful, just for +the exhilaration he gets from the sensation. + +The period of most intense fears is between the ages of five and +seven, and while imaginative children naturally suffer most, they +are also the ones that can call up bright fancies to cheer them. +Robert Louis Stevenson must have had a lovely time in the dark, +seeing circuses and things, as he tells us in his poem which begins: + +All night long and every night +When my mamma puts out the light +I see the circus passing by +As plain as day before my eye, etc. + +Although fear is a human instinct, it is not universal, and once in +a while we find a child who has no instinctive fear. If such a child +is not frightened he may remain quite ignorant of the feeling for +many years. I know a boy who, at the age of five, was unacquainted +with the sensation of fear, and, never having been frightened, also +did not know the meaning of the word "fear." He had heard it used by +other children and knew that it was something unpleasant, but when +one day at dinner he said to his mother, "You know, I think I am +afraid of spinach," meaning that he did not like it, it was evident +that the feeling of fear was quite foreign to him. + +Many parents have a feeling of helplessness in the face of a trait +that is said to be "instinctive," as though there were some fatal +finality in that classification. But, while it is true that fear is +instinctive, it is equally true that it can often be successfully +fought by having recourse to other instinctive traits. Thus the +instinct of curiosity, which is more widespread even than the instinct +of fear, may be used to counteract the latter. Since fear rests so +largely on ignorance, curiosity is its enemy, because it dissipates +ignorance. A little boy who had a certain fear of the figures in the +mirror that were so vivid and yet so unreal used to try to come into a +room in which there was a large mirror, and steal upon the causes of +his curiosity unawares. His double was always there as soon as he, and +caught his eye; but the child lost his fear only after he became +familiar with the characters in the looking-glass. In the same way +curiosity will often compel the child to become gradually so well +acquainted with the source of his fears as to drive the latter quite +out of his experience. + +We must be careful to avoid confusing fear and caution. Fear arises +from ignorance, and is not necessarily related to any real danger. +Caution, on the other hand, is a direct outcome of the knowledge of +danger. Two little boys were watching a young man shooting off +fire-crackers. Whenever a bunch was lit the older boy stepped away, +while the younger one held his ground. Someone taunted the older boy, +saying, "You see, Harry is not afraid, and you are." To which he very +sensibly replied, "I ain't afraid neither, but Harry doesn't know that +he might get hurt, and I do." + +Therefore, while we do not wish our children to be cowards, neither +do we want them to feel reckless. Caution and courage may well go +together in the child's character. Constantly warning the child +against possible danger does not develop caution; it is more likely +to destroy all spontaneous action. Too many mothers are always +saying to their children, "Don't do this, you might hurt yourself," +or "Don't go to the stable, the horse may kick you," and so on. If a +child is properly taught, he will get along with the ordinary +knowledge concerning the behavior of things and animals that might +be injurious, and he will learn to be careful with regard to these +without being constantly admonished and frightened. + +The fear of being considered afraid has its evil side as well as its +good side. While it may often make the child "affect the virtue" +when he has it not, it does, on the other hand, make many a boy and +girl, especially in the early teens, concede to the demands of +prevailing fashions in misconduct, when the conscience and the +knowledge of right and wrong dictate a different course. The taunt +"you dassent" is stronger than the still small voice saying "_thou +must not_." And so Harry plays truant for the first time not so +much because he is tired of school, or because the smell of the +young spring allures him, as because Tommy "dares" him to go +swimming on the risk of getting caught and licked. Harry yields for +fear of being called a "cowardy custard." + +It is important to guard against the moral effect of fear when it is +directed against the judgments of others. By always referring the +child to "what others will think" of him, we are likely to make +moral cowards. A child can be taught to refer to his own conscience +and to his own judgment, and, if he has been wisely trained, his +conscience and judgment will be at least as effective guides in his +relations with human beings as his attempt to avoid misconduct for +fear of what others will think or say. + +The use of fear as a means of discipline is being discarded by all +thoughtful parents and teachers. We have learned that authority +maintained by fear is very short-lived; when a child gets past a +certain age, the obedience based upon fear of authority is almost +certain to turn into defiance. The fear of punishment leads directly +to untruthfulness and deception; parents who rely upon affection and +good-will to assure the right conduct of their children get better +results than those who terrorize them. + +Fear and hatred are closely connected, and in cultivating fear we +are fostering a trait that may in a critical moment turn to hatred. +The only things that we should teach our children to fear are those +we should be willing to have them hate. Let your children learn to +fear and hate all mean and selfish acts, all cunning and deception, +all unfairness and injustice. But even better than teaching them to +hate these vices, teach them to love and admire and to aspire to +realize the positive virtues. + +When we observe the undesirable physical effects of fear, such as +the effect upon the heart and blood-vessels, the effect upon the +nerve currents, etc., we can hardly expect it to have a beneficial +effect upon the mental or moral side of the child's nature. Fear +always cramps and paralyzes; it never broadens or stimulates. All +the progress made by our race has been accomplished by those who +were _not_ afraid: the men and women of broad vision and +independent, fearless action. Every mother has lurking in some +corner of her heart the fond hope that her children will in some way +contribute to the advancement of humanity, to make our life here +better worth living. To contribute in this way, our children must be +without fear. + + + + +VI. + +THE FIRST GREAT LAW + + +When you have had a scene with your disobedient Robert, you are apt +to wonder how Mrs. Jones ever manages to make her children obey so +nicely. If all secrets were made public, you would know that Mrs. +Jones has often wished that she could make her children mind as +nicely as do yours. For we always imagine that making children mind +is the one thing that other mothers succeed in better than we do. + +Why is it that we consider obedience of such great importance in the +bringing up of our children? Is it because obedience itself is a +supreme virtue which we desire to cultivate in our children? Or is +it because we find it convenient to receive obedience from those +with whom we have to deal? + +That obedience is a virtue cannot be denied. But it is a virtue only +under special kinds of human relationship. The obedience required of +a fireman or a sailor is of the same kind as that which we demand of +a child exposed to a danger that he does not see. The work of the +fireman and of the sailor is such that these people must be +constantly prepared to obey instantly the orders given by those in +authority over them. The life of the child, however, is such as to +make his work or his safety depend upon his obedience only under +exceptional circumstances. To justify our demand for _habitual_ +obedience, we must find better reasons than the stock argument so +often given, namely, that in certain emergencies the instant +response to a command may result in saving the child from injury or +even from death. + +The need for obedience lies closer to hand than an occasional +emergency which may never arise. In all human relationships there +come occasions for the exercise of authority. There is no doubt that +in the relations between parents and child the parent--or elder +person--should be the one in authority, on account of his greater +experience and maturer judgment, quite apart from any question of +sentiment or tradition. But if you wish to exercise authority, you +must make sure to deserve it. Laws and customs give parents certain +authority over their children, but well we know that too few of them +are able to make wise use of this authority. + +Not only from the side of our own convenience, but also from the +side of the child's real needs, we must give the young spirit +training in obedience. The child that does not get the constant +support of a reliable and firm guide misses this support; the child +is happier when he is aware of having near-by an unfailing +counsellor, one who will decide aright what he is to do and what he +is not to do. But when I say that the obedient child is happier than +the disobedient one, I do not mean merely that the latter gets into +mischief more frequently, or that the former receives more marks of +affection from the parents. There is involved something more +important than rewards and punishments. The young child would really +rather obey than be left to his own decisions. When he has no one to +tell him what to do, or to warn him against what he must not do, the +child feels his helplessness. And there is valuable tonic for the +child's body as well as for his will in the comfortable +consciousness of a superior authority upon which he can safely lean. + +As the child becomes older he begins to assert his own desires in a +more positive fashion, and at about two and a half to three years +the problem of obedience takes on a new aspect. For now the child +has had experience enough to enable him to have his own purposes, +and these often come in conflict with the wishes of the mother. +Should obedience be now demanded? And should it be insisted upon? +There is more involved in this problem than the convenience of +administering the household, or the immediate safety and well-being +of the child. There is involved the whole question of the child's +future attitude toward life. Shall the child become one who +habitually obeys the commands of others, without questioning, +without resisting, and so perhaps become a pliant tool in the hands +of powerful but unscrupulous men? Or shall he be allowed to go his +own way and over-ride the wishes of others, to become, perhaps, a +wilful victim of his own whims and moods, presenting a stubborn +resistance to overwhelming forces that will in the end crush him? + +In the case of the very young child absolute obedience must be +required, for the reason that the child is not in a position to +assume the responsibility for his conduct. The will of the mother +must be followed for the child's own safety and health, for the +child has no intelligence or experience,--that is, judgment,--or +purpose to guide him. He has only blind impulses that may often be +harmless but are never reliable. So the first need is for training +in regularity, and this is possible only under the guidance of the +mother or nurse, who _knows_ what is to be done, or not done, +and whose authority must be absolute. So the child must first of all +learn to obey. Later he must learn what and whom to obey. + +Recognizing, then, in full the value of obedience, we must be +careful not to exaggerate it and consider it a cardinal virtue. +Obedience is far from being a fundamental virtue. On the contrary, +once established as a ruling principle in the household or anywhere +else, it is easily carried far enough to become a source of positive +harm. To obey means to act in accordance with another's wishes. To +act in this manner does not call upon the exercise of judgment or +responsibility, and too many grow up without acquiring the habit of +using judgment and without acquiring a sense of responsibility. They +are only too willing to leave choice and decision to others. +Decision of character and habitual obedience do not go well +together. Moreover, it is now coming to be more fully recognized +that the progress of society depends not upon closer obedience to +the few natural leaders, but upon the exercise of discretion and +judgment on the part of an ever larger number of those who are not +leaders. + +There may be a still greater danger in requiring so-called implicit +obedience of every child. We have learned from modern studies of the +human mind that _doing_ is the outcome of _thinking_ and +_feeling_. When we constantly force children to do things that +have no direct connection with their thoughts and feelings, or when +we prevent actions which follow naturally from their thoughts and +feelings, we are interfering with the orderly working of the child's +mind. We force children to act in ways unrelated to their thoughts +and feelings, and as a result we have many men and women of fine +sentiment and lofty thought who never let their ideas and sentiments +find expression in effective action. In other words, the effect upon +the mind of "thoughtless minding" is not a healthy one. + +A large amount of disobedience arises from the fact that the child's +attention and interest are so different from an adult's. The little +girl who is said to have given her name as "Mary Don't" illustrates +this. Mary does a great many things in the course of a day, impelled +by curiosity and the instinct to handle things. Most of her +activities are harmless; but when she touches something that you +care about, you command her to let it alone. This is quite proper. +Very often, however, she is told to stop doing things that are quite +indifferent, and that satisfy her natural craving for activity +without being in the least harmful. Being interfered with +constantly, she soon comes to consider all orders arbitrary and-- +disobedience results. + +The other side of the problem is seen when a child is told to do +something when he is preoccupied with his own affairs. You may tell +him a second time; very likely you raise your voice. The third time +you fairly shout. This is undignified and it is also unnecessary. +For Bobby has _heard_ the order from the first; but he has not +_attended_ to your wishes. In such cases there is no primary +disobedience; but a frequent repetition of such incidents can easily +lead Bobby to become quite indifferent to your orders; then +disobedience is habitual. The child that has acquired the habit of +ignoring the mother's wishes will not suddenly begin to obey orders +when the emergency comes. + +From these two cases we may see that it is important to get first +the child's habit of attending to what is said to him--by making +everything that is said to him _count_. In the second place, +the child must be taught to feel that what he is directed to do is +the best thing to do. + +For getting the child to obey we must keep constantly in mind the +idea that we are working for certain habits. Now, a habit is +acquired only through constant repetition of a given act or a given +kind of behavior. The first rule for the parent should therefore be +to be absolutely consistent in demanding obedience from the child. +If you call to the children in the nursery to stop their racket +(because father is taking a nap) and fail to insist upon the +quietness because father just whispers to you that he is not +sleeping, you have given the children practice in _disobedience_. If +they are to be allowed to go on with the noise, this should be because +you openly permit them to go on with their noisy fun, and not because +they may heedlessly disregard your wishes. Direct disobedience is not +to be overlooked under any circumstances. It is true that parents +often give orders that had better not be carried out; but the remedy +is not in allowing the children to disobey, but in thinking twice or +thrice before giving a command, or in agreeing with them upon a course +of action without giving commands at all. By giving no orders that are +unnecessary or that are arbitrary, the child will come in time to feel +that your interferences with his own impulses are intended for his own +good. + +[Illustration: Only a good reason can warrant calling an absorbed +child from his occupation.] + +We frequently tell the children that we want them to obey "for their +own good." If this were true, we should have little difficulty in +obtaining obedience, for most children instinctively follow orders and +suggestions. It is only when we abuse this instinct by too _frequent_ +and _capricious_ and _thoughtless_ commands for our own convenience +that the children come to revolt at our orders. + +There are great differences among children in the readiness with +which they adopt suggestions or follow orders. Some children are +easily dissuaded from a line of action in which they are engaged. +Their attention is not very closely filed, and they are easily +distracted, and may be sent from one thing to another without +resenting the interruptions. Such children quickly learn to obey, +and some seldom offer resistance to suggestion; but they deserve no +special praise or credit for their perfect obedience, neither do +their parents deserve special credit for having "trained" such +children. On the other hand, there are children who set their hearts +very firmly upon the objects of their desire, and who cannot easily +stop in the middle of a game or in the middle of a sentence just to +put some wood in the stove. Such children will appear to be +"disobedient," although they are just as affectionate and as loyal +and as dutiful as the others. When you see a child that is a model +of obedience, you cannot conclude that he has been well trained; nor +is frequent disobedience an indication of neglect on the part of the +parents. But the majority of children will fall in the class of +those whose obedience or disobedience is a matter of habit resulting +from the firmness and consistency and considerateness of the +parents. + +Unless a child has become altogether submissive, he will not obey +all orders with equal readiness. Alice, who is not very active, does +not display any great virtue if she sits still when you tell her to. +On the other hand, sitting still means to Harry a supreme effort as +well as a great sacrifice; to demand this of him we should have a +very good reason. I know children who are models of obedience in +most matters, but who scream with protest and resentment when it +comes to taking medicine or even to being examined by a physician. +On the other hand, a little boy I know, to whom obedience in general +comes very hard, has such respect for the wisdom of physicians and +for the helpfulness of medicines that he will undergo a thorough +examination and will swallow the bitterest of drugs without even +making a wry face. + +If you will look about among your acquaintances, I think you will +find that those who get really intelligent obedience from their +children are the ones who make the least ado about it, and perhaps +never use the time-worn phrase, "Now you _must_ mind me." It is +the weak person who is constantly forced to make appeals to his +authority. It is the weak person who is constantly threatening the +child with terrible retributions for his disobedience. Yet none are +quicker to detect the weakness, none know better that the threats +will not be carried out, than those very children whose obedience we +desire thus to obtain. + +Many of us get into the habit of placing too many of our wishes in +the form of commands or orders to do or not to do, instead of +requesting as we would of an equal. Wherever possible we should +suggest to the child a line of conduct, so as to make the child feel +that he is making a choice. You may say to Johnnie, "Go and get me a +pail of water." Or you may say, "Johnnie, please get me a pail of +water." Or you may say, "Johnnie, mother needs a pail of water." You +will perhaps get just as good service in one case as in another; but +the ultimate effect on Johnnie may make the difference between a man +who finds work a necessary evil and one who finds work a means of +service. + +From men who have been successful in managing industries and from +women who have managed large households with the least amount of +friction we can learn that there is a way of obtaining obedience +without imposing upon the minds of those under our authority. Whenever +you wish to depart from the usual routine, there is a good reason for +the change, and in most cases the reason can be stated with the +request. When this is done the order loses the appearance of +arbitrariness. If you say to Mary, "I wish you would go out without me +this afternoon, as I have some important sewing to finish," you will +most likely meet with ready acquiescence. If, however, you say, "You +must go alone this afternoon, I can't go with you," and if when Mary +dares ask "Why?" you say, "Because I tell you to," you will certainly +sow the seeds of rebellion. No self-respecting child will accept such +a reason. If at least you make an appeal to your superior judgment, +and say, "Mother knows best," there would be something gained. For now +you are shifting the basis of the child's conduct from your position +of power over her to the highest authority within our reach, namely, +good judgment. The child is thus learning to obey not a _person_, but +a _principle_. + +Expressing your wishes in the form of a request, modified wherever +possible by a reason, does not mean that you are to give the child a +reason for everything he is asked to do; for if the child has +respect for you and feels your sympathy with him, he will do many +things that are requested without understanding any reason, but +confident, when he does think of the matter, that you have a good +reason. In other words, where there have been close sympathy and +habitual obedience the parent becomes, in the child's mind, the +embodiment of those ideals or principles toward which he feels +loyal. + +In the same way men and women who give arbitrary commands may get +from their assistants formal obedience, but they never get hearty +and intelligent cooperation. Indeed, it is no doubt because we still +cling to the traditions of earlier times, when personal loyalty and +military types of virtue were so prominent in the minds of men, that +we are so slow to learn the need for cooperation in modern times. +The need to-day is for leaders who will inspire their fellows with +enthusiasm for cooperation, who will wisely guide their fellows in +effective service; and of the corresponding virtues in the followers +obedience is _not_ the first. + +And yet we must recognize all the time that there are occasions when +a person must do what he is told to just because he is told; and it +were well for one who has to take orders to be able to do so without +fret and bitterness. The child should, however, come sooner or later +to distinguish between those commands that arise out of real +necessities and those that arise from the passion or caprice of +other persons. To the former he must learn to submit with the best +possible grace, with an effort at understanding, or even with a +desire to assimilate to himself. To the latter he should submit, +when forced to, only under protest, and with the resolve to make +himself free. + +That confidence is a strong factor in obtaining obedience is well +illustrated by many boys in every village and town. These boys are +notoriously disobedient at home and at school, but on the baseball +field they will follow the orders of the captain without question. +They feet that his commands are not arbitrary or thoughtless, that +they are not petty and personal, but really for the greatest +advantage to those concerned. If we can inspire in our children such +confidence in our motives, we shall have little worry about the +problem of obedience. + +In the training of the child we often forget that the child will +some time outgrow his childishness. We must consider not only what +is the best kind of behavior for a _child_, but what kinds of +habits it is best for a child to develop in view of his some day +becoming an adult human being. We want men and women to develop into +free agents, that is, people who act in accordance with the dictates +of their own conscience and their best judgment. With this aim in +view, how much emphasis should then be placed on the matter of +obedience? + +Since the infant has no will, he must be guided by others for his +own safety and for the development of his judgment. But we do not +wish him to retain his habits of obedience to others long enough to +deprive him of his independence of thought and action. The growing +child must learn to repress his own many and conflicting impulses, +and to select those that he learns to be best. But if he obeys +always, he cannot acquire judgment and responsibility. He learns +through obedience to value various kinds of authority, and +eventually to choose his authorities; his final authority being his +conscience or principle, not impulse or whim. He learns also by +questioning the principle of obedience to persons, and comes to +guide his conduct by principle or conscience, and not by custom or +convention. + +We do not wish to train our children for submission, but for judgment +and discernment. We must, therefore, respect the child's +individuality. We are, however, not obliged to choose between blind, +unquestioning obedience and the undignified situations which arise +from habitual disobedience. Obedience to persons as a settled habit +is bad. The ability to obey promptly and intelligently when the +commander's authority is recognized,--to respond to suggestion and +guidance,--is desirable. Obedience is a _tool_ the parent may use +with wisdom and discretion. It is not an _end_ in discipline or in +life. + +We should educate _through_ obedience,--that is, cultivate the +habit of intelligent response,--but we must not educate _for_ +obedience,--that is, the habit of submitting to the will of others. + + + + +VII. + +THE TRAINING OF THE WILL + + +After all, what is there about a person that really counts? All +experience and all philosophy agree that it is the character; and +the central fact in character is the _will_. Yet the will is +not something in the soul that exists by itself, as a "faculty" of +the mind. The will is a product of all the other processes that go +on in the mind, and can not be trained by itself. Neither can the +will of the child be expected to come to its own through neglect. +Indeed, although the will can not be trained by itself, its training +is even more important than the training of the intellect. The great +defect in our moral training has been that we have generally +attempted to train our children too exclusively through precepts and +mottoes and rules, and too little through activities that lead to +the formation of habits. The will depends upon the intellect, but it +cannot be trained through _learning_ alone, though learning can +be made to help. There are, as we all know, only too many learned +men and women with weak wills, and there are many men and women of +strong character who have had but little book learning. The will +expresses itself through action, and must be trained through action. +But action is impelled by feelings, so the will must be trained also +through the feelings. All right education is education of the will. +The will is formed while the child is learning to think, to feel, +and to do. + +We judge of character by the behavior. But our behavior is not made +up entirely of acts of the will. Hundreds of situations occur that +do not require individual decision, but are adequately met by acts +arising from habit, or even from instinct. The experience of the +race has given us many customs and manners which are for the most +part satisfactory, and which the child should learn as a matter of +course. It is thus important that the child should acquire certain +habits as early in life as possible. These habits will not only +result in saving of energy, but will also give assurance that in +certain situations the child will act in the right way. If it is +worth while to have a person knock on a door before entering an +occupied room, or if it is worth while to have people look to the +left and to the right before crossing a thoroughfare, the child can +acquire the habit of doing these things always and everywhere +without stopping to make a decision on each occasion. + +But we must remember that in guiding the child to the formation of +these habits, example and practice are far more important than +precepts and rules. Example is more important because the child is +very imitative; one rude act on the part of some older member of the +household will counteract the benefit of many verbal lessons in +politeness. Practice is important because it is through constant +repetition of an act that it at last becomes automatic, and is +performed without thought or attention. In fact, this is the only +way in which a habit can be formed. Having acquired habits about the +common relations of life that do not call for new adjustment every +time they are met, the mind is left free to apply itself to problems +that really need special consideration. Imagine how wasteful it +would be if we had to attend to every movement in dressing +ourselves! You can easily see that there are a great many acts that +bring us in relation to others and that should be as mechanical and +automatic as dressing and undressing. + +It is when we pass from the routine acts which are repeated every +day that we come to the field in which the will holds sway. There is +nothing more helpful in the training of the will than the frequent +performance of tasks requiring application, self control, and the +making of decisions. The routine of fixed duties in a large and +complex household furnished to our grandparents, during their youth, +just the opportunity for the formation of habits in attending to +what needed to be done, without regard to the momentary impulse or +mood. Many of our modern homes are so devoid of such opportunities +that there is great danger that our children will have altogether +too much practice in following their whims and caprices--or in doing +nothing. + +It is just because the modern home is so devoid of the opportunities +for carrying on these character-building activities that provision +must be made in that other great educational institution, the +school. All the newer activities of the school, the shop work and +the school garden, the domestic science and the sewing, the +recreation centres, the art and the music--all these so-called "fads +and frills" against which the taxpayer raises his voice in protest-- +these prove to be even more important in the making of men and women +out of children than the respectable and acceptable subjects of the +old-fashioned school; for these activities are but organized and +planned substitutes for the incidental doings of the childhood of +other days. They are the formal substitutes for the activities by +means of which a past generation of men and women acquired that +will-training and that insight into relations which distinguished +their characters. + +[Illustration: Habits of careful work furnish a good foundation for +the will.] + +All systematic and sustained effort, whether in organizing a game or +carrying a garden through from the sowing to the harvest, whether in +making a dress or a chest of drawers, has its moral value as +training in application, self-control, and decision, quite distinct +from its contribution to knowledge or skill. + +Two or three generations ago no thought whatever was given to the +child's point of view; the authority of parents was absolute, and +there were many unhappy childhoods. To-day we wish to avoid these +errors, and by studying the child we hope to adjust our treatment to +his nature and his needs. + +But we must be on our guard against the danger of going to the +extreme of attributing to the child ideas and instincts which he +does not possess. In former times it was considered one of the +mother's chief duties to "break the child's will"; to-day, realizing +the importance of a strong will, we are in danger of assuming that a +child's stubbornness or wilfulness is a manifestation of a strong +will, and we hesitate to interfere with it. + +This is an entirely false assumption. In the first place, a child up +to the age of about three years has no will; he can only have strong +desires or impulses, or pet aversions. During this period the +mother's will must be his will, and there can be no clash of wills. +But, to be his will, the mother must guide the child in accordance +with _his_ needs, _his_ instincts,--that is, in accordance +with his nature, and not in accordance with her convenience or +caprice. She must bear constantly in mind that the child is not +merely a miniature man or woman, but that each stage in his +development represents a distinct combination of instincts, impulses +and capacities. If, for example, your little girl is digging in the +dirt--a very _natural_ and healthful activity--and you stop her +for no better reason than that she will soil her hands or clothes, +you are unduly interfering with her, and if you continue in that +way, you will either make a defiant, disagreeable youngster or a +servile, cringing slave to arbitrary authority. On the other hand, +if Johnny should wish to play with a knife or a box of matches, it +manifestly devolves upon you to take these objects away from him, no +matter how strong his desire to have them may be. But it also +devolves upon you to see that such harmful objects are not very easy +for him to obtain and to see to it that plenty of other harmless +things are provided for him. + +This suggests a common mistake parents and loving friends often make +in meeting the uncomfortable assertions of the child's will. When +the child cries for the moon, you try to get him interested in a +jack-in-the-box; and when he wants a fragile piece of bric-a-brac-- +you try to substitute for it a tin whistle. With a very young child, +that is about all you can do. But a time comes when the child is old +enough to know the difference between that upon which he has set his +heart and that which you have substituted for it in his hand. At +this time you must stop offering substitutes. The child is now old +enough to understand that some things are _not_ to be had, and +that crying for them will not bring them. To offer him a substitute +is now not only an insult to his intelligence, but it is +demoralizing to his will; it makes for a loose hold upon the object +of his desire--and it is the firmness of this hold that is the +beginning of a strong will. It does not take the child long to learn +that he is not to have a knife or a lighted lamp; nor does it take +him long to get into the way of scattering his desires, so that he +has no will at all. + +In the second place, the assumption that stubbornness is a sign of +strength is false, even for older children. Stubbornness is, in +fact, a sign of weakness. It indicates that the child is either +incapable of adjusting himself to the appeal that is made to his +judgment or feelings, or that his weakness will make it impossible +for him in the presence of his immediate desire to recognize the +superior judgment and authority of his elders, at home or in school. +It takes much more will power to give in than to carry one's point. +But we must always make sure that _we_ are not the obstinate +and wilful ones. If you have a very good reason for not wanting +Helen to go to the dance--even if she is too young to understand +that reason--you are perfectly justified in carrying your point. If +your reason is a wise one, she will come to see it in time and will +honor and respect you all the more for not having given in to her +impetuous and immature desire. If she gives in gracefully, because +she can understand the reasons, or just out of respect for your +wishes, having found your guidance wise before, hers as well as +yours is the triumph. The only thing of which we must make sure is +that we are right to the best of our understanding, and that we do +not insist upon having our way just because,--oh, well, just because +we have a right to have our way, being in authority. As G. Stanley +Hall, the father of child study in this country, has so well said: +"Our will should be a rock, not a wave; our requirements should be +uniform, with no whim, no mood or periodicity about them." Having +made sure of ourselves, we need not fear that training our wilful +children will weaken their will. + +We must not neglect to consider the very close relation that exists +between the health of the body and the health of the spirit. A +strong will, showing itself in ability to concentrate its efforts on +a chosen purpose, is not to be expected in a child whose muscles are +flabby and whose nerves quickly tire. Since the will expresses +itself in action, it can be best cultivated in a body capable of +vigorous action. + +The young child is not only a bundle of bones and muscles; it is +also a bundle of impulses. And some of these impulses lead to +actions that are quite desirable, while others lead to actions that +are indifferent, and still others to actions that are decidedly +undesirable. But, so far as the child is concerned, he has no means +of discriminating between one kind of impulse and another. He would +just as soon carry poison to his mouth as good food; he would rather +grasp at a flame than at a harmless rattle. One of the essentials +then becomes suitable knowledge. As the child grows older he should +gradually learn that knowledge is necessary to wise choice. It is +not so much the knowledge of what is commonly called "good" or +"evil" as the knowledge of relations and needs that will enable him +to choose ends, and to choose effective means toward those ends. Yet +we cannot begin too early to have such considerations as "It is +right," or "It is best," rather than "I want it," influence the +conduct of our children. But, in order to do the right, we have to +_know_ the right, and the children who get these moral lessons +in their homes are fortunate indeed. It is here the child should +acquire his feeling of loyalty to duty, for such lessons learned in +the home are the most impressive and the most enduring. We must also +make certain that children all through their lives at home are given +opportunity for choice and decision. + +In this matter of making decisions there is a great deal of +individual variation, and even distinct types of persons have been +described, according to the way they reach decisions. At one extreme +is the child--or the grown person--who apparently without any effort +balances the reasons that may be given on the opposite sides of a +problem, and makes his choice solely on the strength of the reasoned +argument. Herbert Spencer tells in his Autobiography how, when a +young man, he wrote down, as in a ledger, all the advantages and all +the disadvantages he could think of in regard to the married state. +After checking off the items on the two sides of the account, he +found a balance in favor of remaining single. Later in life he had +his doubts as to whether the decision was a wise one, but it was the +best he could make under the circumstances, for he made use of all +the knowledge at his command and stood by his reasoned decision. + +At the opposite extreme is the person who resolves to do what is +right (although he may have no systematic means of discovering what +is right), and carries out his resolution at the cost of frequently +painful effort. To such persons there is a kind of association +between what is easy and what is wrong on the one hand, and between +what is difficult and what is right on the other. Our early Puritans +were men of this type, and there is much to admire in the sturdiness +with which they crushed their impulses in the resolve to carry out +their ideals of the right. + +Almost complete lack of will is shown by those who reach their +decisions--by not reaching them. That is, there are those doubting, +hesitating souls who postpone making a decision until action is +forced upon them by some accidental event. These let other persons +or the course of events make their decisions for them. There is such +a delicate balancing of the desires--usually because all desires are +equally weak--that none stands out to dominate the choice of a line +of action. George wanted to go to the circus, and had saved enough +from his weekly allowance; but he was saving up to buy a rifle, and +he was undecided now as to whether he would go to the circus or add +to his savings and get the rifle so much the sooner. The sight of +some other boys on the way to the circus made the decision for him. +This decision was not a reasoned one, but an accidental one. + +Similar in its weakness is the will that reaches no decisions except +as the balance is upset by later impulses from within. The girl or +boy who allows a slight headache or a tired feeling to make +important decisions cannot be said to have much strength of +character. On Saturday Mabel was to have gone on a steamboat +excursion--or on a visit to a friend, to stay over night. When she +went to sleep Friday night she had not yet made up her mind; but she +finally went to visit her friend because she had over-slept and was +too late to join the excursion party. + +Children that have not acquired habits of making definite decisions +will find themselves badly adrift when they reach the adolescent +period, with its rapid changes of mood and the masses of frequently +conflicting impulses. To be able to restrain each impulse to action +as it arises, and to hold it in abeyance until all the alternatives +have been canvassed, is a power that comes only after years of +thought and practice. + +However, it is not enough to be able to refrain from doing what one +is impelled to do. Many mothers think that they are training the +child's will when they prohibit the taking or handling of various +things about the house. It is true that the child should learn when +quite young to avoid certain objects. But if the prohibitions are +too general the child will be frequently tempted to break the rules, +and then he will fall in his own esteem; or he will observe the rule +and have too little outlet for his activity and initiative. The will +does not thrive on what the child is _prevented_ from doing, +but on what the child _actually does do_. + +The child's need is for practice in doing and in choosing what he +will do. When activities or games are suggested to a younger child, +it is best to give him a choice of two or three. When the children +are older they can be consulted about the purchase of their clothes, +and they ought gradually to assume their share--a small one at +first--of the responsibility of the household. As early as possible +they should have their own money to spend, as in no other way can +they learn the use of judgment and decision in the spending of +money. In the households wherein children do not have such +opportunities, but in which the parents rule everything with a high +hand, the children grow up very inefficient in managing their time +and their money; they have become accustomed to being ruled and +flounder helplessly when called upon to decide for themselves. + +The will, which is at the heart of moral conduct and which is so +much in need of training, cannot, as we have seen, be trained as a +thing by itself. All training and all education must contribute to +the training of the will. Still, there are some definite points that +we can profitably keep in mind when we are concerned with the +child's will: + +First of all comes sound bodily health. + +Then there must be sound habits for most of the everyday activities, +that the will may not be dissipated upon trivial matters, and that +the common duties and virtues may be assured. + +There must be constant practice in sustained effort and +concentration upon useful tasks, in order to fix the habit of +holding the attention upon the chosen purpose. + +We must not confuse wilfulness with strength of will; and, finally, + +There must be constant opportunity for making decisions that the +child may feel responsibility in making of decisions as the highest +type of conduct. + + + + +VIII. + +HOW CHILDREN REASON + + +"Those children will not listen to reason," said a friend whom I +discovered in an agitated state of mind one afternoon, when I came +to make a call; and she was by no means the first to make this +observation. Indeed, it is one of the characteristics of children +that they will not listen to reason,--that is, _our_ reason. +Which is not, however, saying anything against the children's good +sense, for people with much more experience have refused to listen +to reason--the children's reason. + +Margaret told me her troubles. Her sister had rented a farm near the +city for the summer and had offered to let Walter spend his vacation +with her in exchange for such bits of help as he was able to render. +But Walter had made up his mind to go to work in an office that +summer, and, although he loved the country and had always wanted to +drive a horse and go fishing, his mother's attempts to convince him +of the wisdom of her choice were without avail. He would not listen +to her reasons. She pointed to the health argument, to the +opportunities for play, the free time, the driving, the fishing, and +the fruit without limit. Knowing Walter as I did, I could not +understand why it was so hard to convince him. + +But every story has at least two sides to it, and of this story I +had heard only one. The mother was so concerned with giving her son +her good reasons for going to the country that she never even +thought of finding out his equally good reasons for going to the +office. Presently, however, Walter came in, and my first leading +question brought out the true secret of the disagreement. + +"What is there about working in an office," I asked the boy, "that +you care so much about?" + +"Oh, it isn't working in an office that I care about; I just want to +earn some money. I never did make any money myself, and now I have a +good chance and mother won't let me." + +This was really too simple; here two sane persons had spent several +days on the problem without coming to any solution. By placing +Walter's services on the farm on a financial basis and making him +pay for his board he managed to spend his vacation, healthfully and +happily and profitably in every sense; and everybody was satisfied. + +Over and over again we are impressed with the fact that most +disagreements between people--whether between adults or between +children, or between children and adults--are due to misunderstandings. +As soon as parents resolve not to treat their children arbitrarily,-- +that is, on the basis of their superior strength and authority,--they +adopt a plan of "reasoning" with them. This plan might work very well, +if the parents only understood the children's way of reasoning, if +they but realized that the child does not reason as do adults, that he +reasons differently in each stage of his development. + +Our manner of reasoning depends very closely upon our language. But +every significant word that we use has a distinct meaning in the +mind of the individual, depending altogether upon his experience. As +the experience of the child is very meagre, compared to that of the +grown-up person, it is no wonder that our everyday remarks are +constant sources of misunderstanding to children. + +The little girl who had been frequently reproved for not using her +_right_ hand came to have a positive dislike for her other +hand, which she naturally understood to be _wrong_ hand, and +she did not wish to have anything wrong about her person. A boy was +trying to tell his sister the meaning of "homesick." "You know how +it feels to be seasick, don't you? Well, it's the same way, only +it's at home." + +Children are apt to attach to a word the first meaning that they +learn in connection with it. Only with the increase of experience +can a word come to have more than one meaning. Moreover, the child +will apply what he hears with fatal exactness and literalness. + +Two little girls were at a party and the older one found occasion to +slap her sister's hand. The hostess reproved her for this, whereupon +the little girl asked, "Isn't she my own sister?" The hostess had to +admit that she was. "Well, I heard papa say that he can do what he +likes with his own." + +Doing what we like with our own meant to the child exactly what the +words said, without those qualifications which we naturally put in +because of our greater experience. + +Children learn with wonder that mother was once a baby, and that +father was once a baby, and so on. Dr. Sully tells of the little +girl who asked her mother, "When everybody was a baby, then who +could be the nurse if they were all babies?" Thus shows real +reasoning power; it was not the child's fault that she had no +historical perspective, and so could not see the babyhoods of +different people in their proper relations in time. + +A little boy who was beginning to read deciphered a sign in a +grocery store, "Families supplied." He asked his mother whether they +could not get a new baby there. + +When Herbert was passing through the scissors stage he cut a hole in +his father's coat. The father scolded him for spoiling his suit; +Herbert calmly replied, "I did not cut your suit; I only cut the +coat." He resented this accusation, which in his mind was not merely +an exaggeration, but entirely false, since a suit is a suit and a +coat is a coat. + +A little girl, while out with her nurse and brother, got lost by +separating herself from the nurse's side. When she was at last found +she was reprimanded for running away from the nurse. She felt that +she was being unjustly treated, for she said, "I did not run away; I +only _stood_ away," meaning, she had stepped around the corner +to look in a window. If she had been scolded for getting out of +sight of the nurse, she would have felt justly reproved; but, +accused of doing something she never did and never thought of +doing,--that is, running away,--she naturally resented this. + +Those who have to deal with children in an intimate way cannot be +too scrupulous about how they use their words. + +The logic of children often appears to us all wrong until we take +the trouble to see how they come to their queer conclusions. + +The story is told of a boy who was sent to the circus in the +neighboring town by his uncle, who gave him an additional quarter +"so you can ride back in case it rains." Well, it did rain, and +Howard came back riding on the top seat, next to the driver, wet to +the skin. Now, any grown-up person knows why he was to ride back "in +case it rains"; but to Howard the association of ideas was directly +between raining and riding, and not between riding and coming home +dry. + +This illustrates a very common difference between the reasoning of +children and that of adults. We _select_ ideas from a situation +and combine them and come to conclusions. The child combines ideas, +but he does not make any selection, and the simple explanation for +this lies in the fact that the child has not enough experience to +enable him to select what is significant. Thus a little girl, who +had been too boisterous in her play, was called in by her mother and +made to sit quietly in a chair for about ten minutes. At the end of +this time her mother asked her whether she would "be good now." The +child promised that she would, and was told that she might then go +out to play again. As she arose she affectionately turned to the +chair and said, "Thank you, dear chair, for making me so good." +Having been declared "good" after sitting in the chair, she +attributed the beneficent change in her behavior to the chair; and, +being a polite little girl, she thanked the chair. + +Very often these simple types of reasoning have their humorous +aspects and we do not take them seriously. One winter a little boy +who had always gone to bed regularly (he was four and a half years +old then) began to call for some one to come to him after he was +supposed to be asleep. He wanted to sit up and play, he wanted to +get dressed, and he wanted something more to eat. This continued for +several evenings, and it seemed impossible to get him back into his +good habits. At last he was asked, "_Why_ do you want to get up +now?" and he answered at once, "Because it is winter now." + +"Yes, it is winter now, but it is time for you to be asleep," he was +told. + +"But it says in the book that I must get up," he insisted. + +"Which book?" + +"I will show you," and he took from his shelf a copy of Stevenson's +"Garden of Verses," and turned to the picture opposite the poem that +begins: + +In winter I get up at night +And dress by yellow candle light. + +To him this meant that in winter, after going to bed, _at +night_, one must get up and dress. It is very likely many +children who have had this delightful poem read to them have +interpreted it in the same way, but probably very few parents have +taken the pains to trace their children's unaccountable +"misbehavior" at bedtime to such a source. + +This same poem produced in another child quite a different train of +reasoning, for "Why did the little girl get up at night and sleep in +the daytime?" he asked, "Was she a trained nurse?" It then became +necessary to recall that an aunt of the child's, who _was_ a +trained nurse, often slept at home during the day, after having +worked with some patient at night. + +There is no doubt that many of the crotchets and "perversities" of a +child have their origin in chains of reasoning that are perfectly +legitimate, in view of the past experiences of the young mind, +although not in harmony with the reasoning of more mature minds. The +parent spends much time and energy, and much heartburning, +sometimes, to overcome these whims. What is needed is a patient and +sympathetic attempt to discover how the child has come to his queer +ideas and desires. + +The annoyance that children cause us with their questionings is due +very largely to the fact that we cannot answer their questions, +since the reasoning that prompts them is too searching. A little boy +shocked and vexed his grandmother, who was trying to teach him the +elements of theology, by asking "Who made God?" It is very likely +that every normal child has asked the same question in one form or +another. This attempt to reach back to the very beginning of causes +resembles in many ways the speculations of the mediaeval +metaphysicians, and should certainly not be discouraged. We need +not, on the other hand, make the effort to answer every question a +child may ask, for at a certain stage in his development he will get +the habit of asking questions without really caring for the answers. +But the questions are worth hearing, in most cases, just to help us +understand how the child _does_ reason. Some of the questions +indicate a great deal of reasoning of a very valuable kind. When the +little boy asks, "Why don't I see two things with my two eyes?" or +when the little girl looks up from her dolls and asks, "Am I real, +or just pretend, like my doll?" they show that they have been +thinking. When a child has passed through the metaphysical stage of +reasoning, he will be more interested in animals and other objects +of Nature; and his questions will have to do more with the operation +of processes--how he grows, and how fishes breathe in the water, and +how birds fly. Later, he wants to know how things work, what makes +the locomotive go, how the noise goes through the telephone, how the +incubator makes chickens come out of eggs. The reasoning of the +child may lead to weird conclusions, but it is real reasoning, and +can be improved not by being ridiculed, nor by being suppressed, but +by being sympathetically understood and encouraged. + +Perhaps the most serious phase of the peculiarities of children's +reasoning appears with older children when it comes to reasoning +about right and wrong conduct. Professor Swift, of Washington +University, has made a careful study of this subject, from replies +given by many men to questions about their ideas as boys. It seems +that men who are irreproachable in their moral standards pass +through a stage in which they consider it legitimate fun to rob +orchards or to commit petty thefts. + +Children draw fine distinctions between _wrong_ acts and acts +that are _not very wrong_, though they may not be _quite +right_. One man says, "I distinguished between _taking money_, +_real stealing_, and _taking fruit_." Another says of fruit +taking, "I only partly regarded it as stealing." One man writes, +"When a close-fisted employer refused to let me have my clothes at +cost, I pocketed enough of his change to bring my clothes down to +the cost mark." Few regarded taking money from their parents as +"very bad," and distinguished between such stealing and taking money +from strangers. + +A boy of fifteen was reproved for holding his ear to the keyhole of +a room in which his mother and sisters were having an animated +discussion. The appellation "eavesdropper" did not disconcert him in +the least. On the contrary, he undertook to justify his conduct on +the ground that he was being discussed, and as he had no +"dictagraph" he was obliged to do the listening in person. The fact +that the dictagraph had been so frequently used for getting +information that was later used in court was to him a sufficient +justification of his conduct. + +It is well known that all children pass through the stage +illustrated by these cases, in which they have the savage's +conception of right and wrong. For most children the difference +between going to the reformatory or jail and turning out decent men +and women is one of wholesome and sympathetic environment. Undue +severity, no less than bad example, confirms many a youth in these +habits--which should represent but a passing stage in his +development. + +Adults should not read their own ideas of morality into the acts of +their children and then catalogue them as right or wrong. Most +children's acts are neither right nor wrong: they are merely +expressions of feelings and ideas peculiar to the stage of +development. With young children ideas of right and wrong divide +themselves into acts which are permitted and those which are +forbidden. They have no conception of right and wrong beyond that. + +Many an act that a boy commits, which we consider wrong, is but the +expression of the instincts of his age. Our duty consists in helping +him to pass through that stage without making permanent habits of +these temporary impulses. This help must not be given through +branding the acts as wicked or criminal, nor is moralizing itself +generally effective. Help must come through providing adequate +opportunities for play and games and work that will use up surplus +energy both of mind and body. Above all, help must come through the +healthy examples and the constant manifestation of high ideals in +the home. + +Every normal child will in time respond to these influences. There +are, unfortunately, some children that will not develop beyond this +stage of primitive, savage instincts; but such abnormal children are +rare and we cannot deal with them here. + +With the problem of reasoning, then, as with all other aspects of +child training, it is a question of understanding, of being in close +relations with one's children, and being able to fathom the workings +of their minds. + + + + +IX. + +WORK AND PLAY + + +All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. And it is this same lack +of play that produces so many dull men and women; for the spirit of +play is the spirit of youth and spontaneity and joy. Yet work and +play have so much in common that it seems unfortunate indeed that +all of us have not learned to retain our youth when work becomes +necessary. + +I trust that there are few to-day who still believe that play is +wicked. If we desire our children to grow up into healthy and joyful +and moral men and women, then must we consider play a necessity of +life. For play is more than merely a pleasant means for passing the +time; it is a school of life, it is a means for physical, mental, +and moral education. + +The young child, before he is old enough to play horse, or to +imitate other activities he sees going on around him, gets his play +from handling a rattle or a ball, from random movements of his legs +and arms, or from playing with his fingers and his toes. He derives +satisfaction from the sensations of touch and sight and sound, as +well as from the feeling of freedom and the sensation of his active +muscles. But this infantile play is not only satisfying to the +child; it is a means for learning the use of his little hands and +arms and legs. When the baby learns to crawl, and later to walk, he +derives pleasure from the exercise of his newly-acquired arts, and +at the same time attains perfection in the use of his limbs and in +the correlation of his muscles. He is also gaining strength with his +growth, for these muscles will not gain in strength unless they are +exercised. Of course, the child does not know about these advantages +of play; but the mother should know and give the growing child every +opportunity to exercise himself in every possible way; for thus +alone can he gain in strength, in endurance, and in confidence. + +When the child is a little older his play takes on new forms, for he +is now deliberately _making_ things: the chairs become wagons +and animals, the corner of the room may be made into a lake, a +pencil or a button-hook is quite long enough for a fishing pole, and +a handful of beans may be converted into all kinds of merchandise, +coins for barter, a flock of birds, or seaside pebbles. That is, as +the child's experience broadens, he finds more to imitate, he +exercises his imagination more, and combines into more complex plays +the materials he finds about him. But all the time the child is +_working_, as much so as an artisan at his task; and all the +time the child is _learning_, more rapidly probably than if he +were at school; and all the time the child is _playing_, that +is, enjoying the outlet of his impulses. + +[Illustration: Work is play.] + +Play has been called the ideal type of exercise, because it is the +kind of exercise that occupies the whole child, his mental as well +as his physical side--and later, also, the moral side. In play the +exercise is regulated by the interests, so that, while there may be +extreme exertion, there is not the same danger of overstrain as is +possible with work that he is forced to do. In play the exercise is +carried on with freedom of the spirit, so that the flow of blood and +the feeling of exhilaration make for health. + +When children begin to play at work their activities are not +entirely imitative, although the kind of work they choose will be +determined by the kinds of activities that go on about them. The +child has real interests in work; and these should be encouraged and +cultivated. The chief interest is, perhaps, the growing sense of +mastery over the materials which the child uses. He can make blocks +take on any form he pleases; although the first houses he tries to +build are apt to be just a random piling of his material, there +follows a growing deliberation and planning, so that he comes at +last to make what he has _intended_ to make, and not merely +produce an accidental result. + +The earlier plays of the child are not at all in the nature of +games; there is not at first the need for a companion. There is no +special order in which the various acts of his play have to be +carried out. When he plays horse on a stick, or is a parade all by +himself, or plays house in the corner, a few simple movements are +repeated until the child is tired of them, or until something occurs +to shift his interest. Nor is there in these early plays a special +point that marks the end of the interest. In games, however, these +three factors are always present: it takes two or more to play a +game; there is a definite order or succession of events, and there +is a definite finish or climax. And as we watch the children at +their games we can see their whole mental and moral development +unfold before us, for nothing is more characteristic of a child's +stage of development than the games in which he is interested. + +While we are content to let the younger children play as much as +they like--because very often the more they play, the less they +annoy us--we are all inclined to expect of the older children an +increasing share of work and a declining interest in play. Some of +us are even inclined to discourage the play instinct as the children +grow older, because we have come to think of play as something not +only frivolous and useless, but even a harmful waste of time. Now, +the educational value of play keeps pace with the development of the +child. That is to say, the child outgrows interest in games about as +fast as these lose their educational value. The new games that the +child takes up year after year always have something new to teach +him. + +[Illustration: Let them romp in winter as well as in summer.] + +The plays of the early period develop his sense perceptions, they +give practice in seeing and hearing and touching with quick +discernment. Then for four or five years play gives increased +mastery of the child's own body, and over the objects and materials +with which he plays. Running and jumping are for skill and for +speed; the competitive instincts drive each to do the best he can +for himself. Later the games give exercise in the adjustment of the +child not only to his material surroundings, but also to other +children; in other words, he learns to take his place among other +human beings. From the games in which the children take their turns +at some activity the timid child learns that he has equal rights +with others, and acquires self-confidence; whereas the child +disposed to be overbearing learns the equally necessary lesson that +others have rights which he must respect. Every child learns from +these games how to be a good loser as well as how to be a good +winner. Just those qualities that make an adult an agreeable +associate in business or in social dealings are brought out by these +games as they can be by no ordinary form of work which the children +have a chance to do. + +It is only in very recent times that we have begun to notice that +the work required of the children in the schools is of a kind that +either ignores the development of the social instincts or actually +hinders them, so that the moral or social effect of successful +school work is frequently very undesirable. When a child is set to +do some work by himself, even if the work is not too difficult for +him, there is no exercise for the social instinct, and the work must +be very interesting indeed to hold his continued attention. As the +child grows older there is increasing need for social stimulation of +the cooperative kind and less of the emulative kind. Where the +experiment has been tried of having the children approach their +school work as they approach a game, with the feeling of getting at +an interesting goal, with opportunities for each to do his best for +the whole group and to help the others, the work becomes as +interesting as a game, and acquires the same educational value as a +good game well played. In the home we might often get the necessary +work done with more expedition and with better spirit if we +recognized the child's need of constant outlet for his emotions, and +if we recognized the depressing effect of routine and solitude and +monotony. One of the chief reasons why working girls prefer to go to +shops and factories, as against domestic service, lies just in this +natural instinct for society. The work of the household has much +more variety than the work of a factory; but most of it has to be +done in solitude, without the stimulation that comes from the +companionship of others doing the same thing, or at least working +within reach of the voice. + +[Illustration: In their games they should learn to lose as well as +to win.] + +The truly wonderful transformations in character that have been +worked in girls and in boys by means of well-organized play have +taught us the moral value of team-work for the older children. In +these games, which come at a period when the child has already +acquired considerable skill and strength, the chief interest is in +doing the best for the team, so that the individual learns the +importance of subordinating himself to a common purpose. He learns +the joy of contributing his best to his "side" without considering +his individual glory or gains. In this way he acquires that negative +but very important side of self-control which consists in the +ability to _avoid_ doing what the impulse would drive him to. +He learns also the importance of dreary drudgery, in his practice +work, for acquiring special skill, and a boy will spend hours in +such dull practice, animated by the desire not to excel some other +individual, but by the desire to help his team win. He learns not +only to take his place in the game, but to judge his companions by +their special ability and by their value to the group, rather than +by clothes or personal feelings or other outward and incidental +facts. All these things the team game teaches as no mere +_instruction_, whether in school or home, can teach. + +We have learned from the results of these play activities with all +kinds of children in the city and in the country, of rich and of +poor, that the spirit of the game is not only capable of stimulating +the growing boy and girl to a tremendous amount of exertion, but +also of organizing his or her feelings and ideals into effective +moral and social standards. And when the same spirit is applied to +work, we can get the same valuable educative results, with the +addition of a higher appreciation of work as work than usually comes +from an early experience with doing necessary but disagreeable +tasks. For example, in one city the shop work of classes of boys was +organized on a cooperative basis. The boys worked in teams for the +making of desks or cabinets. The results, as measured by finished +product or by the quality of the workmanship, were far ahead of what +the same instructors could get from the same boys when the attempt +was made to stimulate the workers by means of prizes and individual +rewards. Children can learn to work together as well as to play +together. If you have noticed that two workers very often do half as +much work in a given time as one worker, it is because they have not +learned to work together--they have been denied the opportunity of +learning this, and now take occasion, when they do get together, to +do almost everything but work. + +There are many opportunities in the ordinary household to teach +girls and boys to do useful work in a spirit very similar to that +which they put into their games. It may not be possible to make all +the necessary work as interesting as games, but the remoter purpose +of the work, whether it is to accomplish something whose need is +recognized by the child, or the hope of some reward, should make for +close attention to the task in hand. For example, after a certain +age, sweeping and other household tasks lose their play interest; +but if the girl has become skilful enough to do the sweeping without +tiring, her recognition of the necessity of the work or her thought +of what she wants to do when the task is accomplished should make it +possible to get through with this work without a feeling of +hardship. Some educators approve of allotting definite tasks to the +girls and boys, and compensating them in definite amounts. This +gives them not only a measure of the value of their service, but +makes them feel the responsibility of each contributing toward the +maintenance of the establishment. The main thing is that the +children shall not look upon work as a cruel imposition; and to this +end we should develop the spirit of helpfulness and cooperation--and +to transfer this spirit, already developed in play, to the work that +has to be accomplished. + +One form of the expression of the play instinct has come lately to +arouse a great deal of public interest, and that is the dance. Books +have been written about the history of the dance, the esthetics of +the dance, the technique of the dance, the symbolism of the dance, +and many other aspects. What concerns the parent chiefly is to know +that the dance is at once a healthful exercise, an important aid to +social adjustment, and a valuable safety-valve for the emotions. + +With the rapid growth of our cities we have come suddenly to realize +that nearly half of the nation's children have no _place_ in +which to play, since the open fields and vacant lots have been +invaded by warehouses and factories and tenements. And so the +playground movement has gained rapid headway. Playgrounds have been +established, and placed in charge of competent and enthusiastic +leaders, who are teaching the children something they never should +have unlearned. But at the same time we are coming to realize that +the children in the country and in small towns, although they have +plenty of space, have not really had the opportunity to get the most +out of their play activities. It would seem that even the instinct +of play can be made to work to better purpose when it is +intelligently directed. It is our duty, then, to provide not only +play space and play time, but also play material and, where +possible, play direction. It is our further duty to keep alive in +ourselves, as far as possible, the spirit of play; for there is no +one thing that will do so much to keep us young and in sympathy with +our children as the ability to play as they play, and to play with +them. + +Excepting only the infant when playing with his fingers and toes, the +child must play with some _person_ or with some _thing_. The selection +of suitable toys becomes a more serious problem than is commonly +realized, when we once recognize the great influence of play upon the +child. + +Stepping into the toy shop, we are confronted by a multitude of +objects, the variety and quantity of which are distracting. +Everything that the ingenuity of man could devise is here presented +to our astonished eyes, and children gaze upon the great spectacle +and are delighted. If we go to the store just to be amused or to buy +_something_, a very indefinite something for a child of a +certain age, we are quickly satisfied. But if we have in our mind +some idea as to what is really good for the child who is to receive +the gift, it is just as hard to find the right thing to-day in the +immense, up-to-date toy store as in the little general store that +"also keeps toys." The manufacture of toys has grown to a tremendous +industry, but with no ideal behind it, no guiding educational +principle. Toys are made to sell,--having fulfilled that function +the manufacturer is not further concerned. Consequently, toys are +made to attract the eye; durability, use, and need from the child's +point of view are rarely considered. + +In selecting toys we must not consider what would amuse or entertain +its, but solely the child's need, and this need will differ at the +various stages in his development. + +[Illustration: Don't forget how to play with the children.] + +For the little child who has no skill, we want to get toys that +exercise the large muscles; he should have blocks that are large. It +is a common mistake to suppose small toys are suitable for small +children; within certain limits just the opposite is true. + +Young children can also use toys that merely need to be manipulated +without having much significance. Things that can be taken apart and +put together are enjoyed and are very instructive. + +A child should get from his toys a bare suggestion of the object, +and not a lifelike representation that will be of interest to the +critical adult. Refinement of finish and realistic representation +are entirely wasted on the child. A massive wooden dog or bird is +better than a furry or feathery one. It is enough of a dog or bird, +so far as the child is concerned, and if it can stand rough +handling, so much the better. For the little boy or girl an animal +that can stand up or be drawn about by a string is quite +satisfactory; but before the age of three years is reached the +animal must have movable parts, so that it may be put into various +positions, be made "to do things." + +At about three years of age the child also comes more and more to +see things in relation to each other and no longer as isolated +objects. At this time, if he has a cow, he wants also a stable in +which to keep her, the doll calls for a carriage and bed, and so on. +This is something to keep in mind in planning our purchases. + +Children like to reproduce in their plays the processes which they +see going on around them or about which they hear. This is in a way +their preparation for the activities of adult life. If the little +boy or girl wants to play farm, or menagerie, or laundry, or grocery +store, it is not necessary to buy the whole outfit at once. The +child will probably not be ready for it, and if he gets more than he +can comfortably use, he will be overwhelmed and many objects are +likely to be neglected. + +Let us say, for instance, that your little boy has received a +milk-cart and horse for his birthday and he has exhausted the +possibilities of play with them. Now here is Christmas, and you can +give him or make him a nice, substantial barn and someone else can +give him a cow. Immediately the possibilities for play are greatly +multiplied. He can take the cow to pasture, bring her into the barn to +be milked, take the milk to market and store away hay for the winter, +and so on indefinitely. In time he can have a well-equipped barnyard, +build pig-sties and chicken-coops with his blocks, and spend many +happy and instructive hours. A great advantage in having toys grouped +about some central idea is that several children can play at the same +time and each particular toy stays in use much longer than it would +otherwise. + +I have spoken of your little boy as the manager of the toy farm, but +in these days, when women are entering every profession, there is no +reason to suppose that it is not your little girl who will need +those things. Still, although we know that, in spite of traditions, +little boys like to play with dolls and little girls like to play +with other things, we shall, for the sake of convenience, stick to +the traditions and discuss the little girl in connection with dolls. + +There is nothing that will give your little daughter greater +pleasure and at the same time be more instructive than an +opportunity to run a whole doll house. By this I do not mean the +elaborate constructions that are sold in the large shops under that +name. No, a packing case, painted and divided into four parts, will +serve the purpose far better. Gradually the different rooms can be +furnished, and in the meantime there is plenty of fun and much +development in trying to maintain the family of dolls under pioneer +conditions, calling for all sorts of clever makeshifts. + +There are numberless things that will go to make up the little +girl's doll house, and her activities can be extended over the +entire period during which she cares to play with dolls. At first +she will be satisfied with handling her baby and putting her to +sleep. Later she will want to dress and undress it. Before long she +will have a whole family of dolls and will want to prepare their +meals for them, sew and wash their clothes, and keep the house in +order. These growing needs on her part are just as real as the needs +adults feel, and it would be just as unwise to get her a new doll, +when she needs most of all a wash-boiler for her kitchen, as it +would be to buy for yourself a picture, when you really need a pair +of new spectacles. + +All the different articles needed for the running of the doll's +house can now be bought separately. In buying the different +articles, the things to keep in mind are usability, simplicity, and +durability. The furniture that you buy or make must be able to serve +the ostensible purpose of doll's furniture. It is better to get one +chair that is of the right size for the doll, well proportioned and +strong enough to stand the handling of the owner, than a whole set +of "pretty" and flimsy and useless furniture that you can buy in a +gay box for the same price. + +Of course, it is understood that the principles of usability, +simplicity, and durability apply to the dolls themselves. It is now +easy to obtain dolls with indestructible heads and with jointed +bodies made of durable material. The little baby will love the doll +with a felt head. It can stand being loved hard without losing some +of its features. To give a little girl a doll that is so finely +dressed and so daintily constructed that she is permitted to come +out of her box only on state occasions is a violation of every sound +principle of child training and fair dealing. + +I have mentioned, as examples of the kind of toys that can be bought +singly and grouped about some central idea, the farm and the doll's +house, but, of course, there are many other things--railroads with +their equipment, dairies, stores of all kinds, etc. + +Besides the toys that are related to various lines of activity, each +child, as soon as he is old enough, wants the opportunity to work +with materials and tools. The youngest children can have beads to +string, mosaic blocks with which patterns can be made, etc. For the +older children you can get materials for sewing, painting, parquetry +work, and the like. There are boxes containing wooden and iron +construction strips out of which bridges, houses, airships, and all +sorts of exciting things can be made. + +For the growing boy nothing is more appropriate than some carpentry +tools of his own. Here again we must remember that it is better to +buy a few good tools and gradually build up an equipment than to buy +a set that looks well enough in the store, but goes to pieces under +real usage. + +A printing-press or well-constructed toy typewriter, a camera or +scroll saw, will afford hours of helpful amusement and instruction. + +Musical instruments are always acceptable. The metalophone is one of +the simplest from which you can get real music. The cheapest is just +as usable as the more expensive, although, of course, it does not +have so wide a range of notes. + +It is impossible to enumerate all the indoor group games that are +offered, but in selecting a game you must make sure that it really +has some sense in it, and that it does not stimulate the gambling +spirit, as do so many of the games with dice or a spinning wheel as +a part of the equipment. + +All toys that encourage healthy outdoor sports are worth while. A +great deal of the progress in toy-making has been along mechanical +lines, until we are confronted with the most intricate mechanical +contrivances. They are interesting at an exhibition, and most likely +the child will be attracted by them and will want them, but only to +look at and own. He will tire of them much more quickly than he +would of the simple, usable toy. In this respect the children of the +rich are to be pitied. They are overloaded with these expensive, +mechanical toys which overstimulate them at first and later bore +them. The educative value of simple games with sticks and stones, or +anything the child may happen to pick up, is far greater and calls +for more exercise of imagination and ingenuity and the other +qualities we desire to foster than is that of the elaborate +mechanical toys. + +It would be very desirable if all the skill and enterprise that is +devoted to the development of the toy industry were applied to +making toys simpler, more durable, and cheaper, instead of making +them more elaborate, more realistic, and more flimsy. However, the +desirable kinds of toys will not be manufactured in larger +quantities until an enlightened parenthood both demands them and +refuses to buy the glittering heart-breakers that look so charming +in the shop, but go to pieces in the child's hands. + +It is far better to have fewer and better toys than more of an +inferior quality. The thing to keep in mind is that a toy is neither +an artistic model, an aesthetic ornament, nor a mechanical +spectacle, but should be a stimulus to call forth self-activity, +invention, ingenuity, imagination, and skill. + + + + +X. + +CHILDREN'S GANGS, CLUBS, AND FRIENDSHIPS + + +"What a plague boys are!" sighed Mrs. Brown. "That White boy has +been getting our Harry into all sorts of mischief, and I can't make +Harry give up that gang." + +Mrs. Green agreed that boys were a plague. Her Jack went with a lot +of boys, too, and they were always up to some sort of tricks which +she was quite sure _her_ boy would never do if it were not for +those other boys. And Mrs. Green was right. Any boy will do things +when he is with the gang that he never would think of doing alone-- +and that he wouldn't dare to do alone, if he did think of them. Even +your boy--and mine, too, I hope. That's the way of boys. + +What we mothers will have to do is to stop fretting about the other +boys in the gang who spoil our boys, and about the mischief and +noise and dirty boots and staying away late for meals, and get down +to a practical way of making all the boys in the gang as we find +them into a lot of decent young men. We shall have to stop trying to +make boys do what it is impossible for them to do; and we shall have +to stop trying to keep the boys from doing what it is absolutely +necessary that they should do, if they are to develop into the +decent young men we have in mind. + +The modern way, the efficient way, of treating children is to find +out their instincts and then use these almost irresistible forces of +nature as a means of directing their development. And that is what +we shall have to do with the boy and his gang, and that is what we +shall have to do with the girl and her set. The boy is a more +serious problem because, under the promptings of his instincts, he +soon becomes indifferent to the attractions and amusements of the +home and seeks the companionship of boys of his own age, and he +seeks activities that cannot, for the most part, be carried on in +the home. The girl, on the other hand, remains much longer subject +to the will of her mother and to the conventions and standards of +the home; she remains for a longer period satisfied with the kinds +of activities that can be carried on at home. + +We have been told over and over again that the instincts of +childhood are all for activity, and a few of us have trained +ourselves not to expect the children to _be still_ all the +time. Of course, there are times when we simply must have them be +still, and, of course, we allow the teachers to insist upon the +children being still in school. But we recognize that they must play +and romp and run and shout, and we are willing even to spend public +funds for playgrounds. This shows that we can learn, and that we can +make use of our knowledge. It is necessary only that we extend our +knowledge of the instincts of our children just as fast as we can +make use of more. + +Up to the age of about ten, boys are apparently satisfied to play +games by themselves, or to play with others in ways that let each +look out pretty much for himself. At this age, however, a change +begins to appear. Now the boy tends to associate himself with others +of the same age, and before you know it your son "belongs" to some +"gang." Every street in a town and every corner in a city has its +gang. And if your boy has red blood and hard grit in him, he is a +member of one of these gangs. He can't help it. He does not join +because it is the fashion, or because he is afraid to keep out, or +because he has social ambitions. He joins because it is his instinct +to join with others in carrying on the activities to which other +instincts drive him. If you stand in the way of the gang, you are +fighting against one of the strongest forces in human nature. + +Now if you feel the way Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Green felt about the +gangs, I do not blame you. But you must not stop there. Let's try to +find out first what the gang means to the boys and what it means to +the race. When a boy joins a gang, he does not discard his instinct +for play or for running and shouting. He simply takes on a new +relation to the world about him. As a member of the gang, he still +runs and plays and shouts; but now he has become conscious of his +place in the world, and that place is with his fellow-members, +surrounded by all sorts of enemies and dangers and obstacles to his +well-being. In his gang he finds comfort and support for his +struggle with the outside world. Here he finds opportunity for +satisfying exchange of thought; here he finds sympathy and +understanding such as he can get nowhere else. + +The gang, without a written code in most cases, without formal +rules, without very definite aims, even, nevertheless has a moral +scheme of its own that every boy understands and lives up to as +earnestly and as devotedly as ever man followed the dictates of +conscience. The gang demands of the boy unfailing loyalty, and--what +is more--it usually gets it. Of how many other institutions or +organizations can as much be said? The gang demands fair play and +fidelity among its members, and it usually gets these. The gang +demands devotion and self-sacrifice of its members, and the boy who +cannot show these qualities becomes more effectually ostracized than +any defaulting bank official or corrupt politician. These fine +virtues, then--loyalty, honor, devotion--are cultivated by the gang +just at the time when the instincts for them are strongest, and at a +time when no other agency is prepared to do the work. + +For you will realize, when you once think of it, how much we coddle +the baby when he is cute, how we shower him with toys far in excess +of what he can use or enjoy, how we fuss and fondle him, and how +much thought we give to every possible and impossible want; and how, +on the other hand, we neglect the boy when he enters upon that most +unattractive, but very critical, age in which he finds other boys +more interesting than his sister and her dolls, when he cares more +for other boys than he does for his mother and her parlor, when he +thinks more of the "fellers" than he does of his teacher and her +lessons. Just at this time, when the boy is beginning to wonder +vaguely and to long just as indefinitely, we abandon him to his own +resources and to Mrs. White's Bob, the leader of the gang. + +The problem that confronts us is: How can we save and strengthen the +fine qualities which this spontaneous association with other boys +produces without encouraging the lawlessness and the destructiveness +and the secretiveness of the gang? First of all, we mothers must +recognize not only that the boy cannot be happy without his +associates, but also that the social virtues will never be developed +in him at all if we keep him at home away from the others or +restricted to one or two play-mates--which we may like to select for +him. Then, when this is perfectly clear to us, we will take the next +step, which will be to use all the resources of the homes and of the +community to change the antisocial gang into a club. The difference +between a gang and a _club_ is not a matter of clean clothes +and "nice" manners. It is a difference in mental attitude. The gang +has rules and it has power. The club has put its rules into form and +it _knows_ what it can do and what it wants to do. In other +words, the gang is a casual, random group that drifts about in the +village or in the city, subject to every passing influence, whereas +the club is a deliberate, purposeful organization with definite aims +and developments. Both meet the needs of the growing boy for +association; both give the social instincts and virtues suitable +opportunity for exercise. + +This problem of giving the boys a chance to get together and do what +their instincts drive them to do is not one merely for the mothers who +can provide for their boys little or no supervision, and whose boys +play in the streets and vacant lots. The problem is just as great in +the case of the well-to-do, who provide constant supervision for their +children. Indeed, it is a serious question whether the condition of +the children of wealthier families is not in this respect more +dangerous than that of the less wealthy. With the boys of the street +the problem is how to divert the activities into suitable channels; +with the closely-guarded boys of the wealthy the problem is how to +develop the spirit of loyalty and self-sacrifice and honor, which have +been suppressed by the restricted and artificial associations of the +solicitous home. Both kinds of boys must be left free to form their +own associations, but the groups must be so directed in their club +activities (without, however, suspecting that they are being directed) +as to connect their interests with lawful amusements, civic needs, and +social relations. The great danger is that when adults take a hand in +these matters they fix their attention upon the civic and moral +virtues and overlook the instincts of activity and sociability which +call the gang into being, and the club degenerates into a preachy +Sunday- school class. + +[Illustration: The boys need a chance to get together.] + +In organizing clubs, or rather in presenting opportunities for the +organization of clubs, we must recognize that bodily activity, +taking the form of athletics, or of workshop effort, or of camping, +hunting, etc., is a fundamental condition of healthy growth for the +boys and girls. As every group must have its meeting place, this +should be first provided, and it should be of a nature that allows +gymnastics and hammering and boxing to go on without any +restrictions beyond those required by the nature of the little +animals. That is, there is need for sleep and rest and meals--and +perhaps certain definite hours for school and church--but beyond +such disagreeable though necessary interruptions the meeting place +of the club should be a busy place at all decent hours. We are +tempted to force literature and debating upon our clubs; these +things usually come later, and appeal at best to but relatively few +boys. Literature and debating are good, but they can never take the +place of parallel bars and boxing gloves and hammer and saw. + +We are also tempted to pick out the boys for the clubs that we are +interested in. This is a serious mistake. It is this sort of thing +that causes the failure of so many well-meaning attempts to redeem +the children of the "slums" or of the street. We must let the groups +form spontaneously; the boys' instincts are keener in detecting the +sneak and the coward and the traitor than yours are, and if the club +has the right start, the undesirable citizen will either adopt the +morals of the club or be squeezed out. And the right start is +chiefly a good meeting place. It is here that the church and the +school and the home can cooperate. In the larger cities the +settlement has pointed the way by carrying on practically all of the +work with children through the medium of clubs. + +It is not necessary for every parent to furnish a suitable meeting +place; indeed, each club needs only one meeting place. But every +home can contribute something. If you have not the suitable garret +or barn or shed, you can supply the baseball outfit, or the Indian +clubs, or the work-bench, or some of the tools. You can lend your +homes for those not very frequent occasions when the boys are quite +satisfied to have a quiet evening of table games or theatricals, or +imitation camp-fire with chestnuts to roast and songs to sing. You +can make up lunch-baskets for fishing or tramping trips, or you can +sew tapes on the old pants for "uniforms." + +It does not matter so much _what_ you do, so long as you do as +much as you can, and, above all, if you show an "interest." The bond +of sympathy and intimacy that comes from such an understanding and +from the hearty cooperation of the home with these natural instincts +of the children is an immense gain to the individual parent, as well +as to the individual child. Instead of friction and opposition of +forces, there results a cooperation of forces that all make for +good. + +As for the community, the village or town that can provide meeting +places for all of its groups of young people, under the direction of +those who understand them and sympathize with them, with suitable +equipment for physical activities of all kinds, can make no better +investment of the money that such a venture would cost. For it is in +such association that the boys and girls learn to be members of a +group, and eventually of the larger group that includes us all. The +good citizen is the one who has developed the instincts of loyalty +and devotion and self-sacrifice and honor, and has directed them +toward the community. The bad citizen is the one in whom these +virtues were never developed, or one in whom these traits remain in +the gang stage. + +In the attempts that have been made to direct the instincts of +children we have given the boys much more attention than the girls, +for the simple reason that the boys have given us more trouble. +Still, the girls should not be neglected. They are entitled to all +the advantages that can be derived from organized opportunity to +associate with one another and to develop the social virtues. They +should also have the opportunity for physical exercise and +development which the boy gets because he makes violent demand for +it, but which the girl needs just as much. + +It has been found unwise to have mixed clubs of boys and girls in +the early years, and even later, when girls and boys could +profitably associate together, they like to have their separate +groups for special activities. For the strictly sociable times, +however, boys and girls may be brought together at any age. + +Apart from the other advantages to be gained from the club, the girl +or boy will be saved from his friends. There is a real danger that +children who do not get into larger groups will take up with a +single chum or intimate. While it is true that many lasting and +valued friendships start in these early years, the danger is +nevertheless a serious one. Chums or intimates, in their tendency to +get away from other people, may do nothing worse than carry on silly +conversations; but they may also read pernicious literature and +develop bad habits. Activities in a group are more open and less +likely to be of a secret nature. + +Intimacies at this early age will spring up for all kinds of +superficial reasons. In a study made some years ago these were some +of the reasons given for the formation of friendships: "We were +cousins," "He taught me to swim," "We had the same birthday," "She +had a red apron," "Her brown eyes and hair," "Neither of us had a +sister." A large proportion of the children who were questioned gave +as the only reason for their intimate friendship the fact that they +"live near each other." However absurd these reasons may appear to +us, we are compelled by what we know of the child's mind to respect +these attachments. But if there is any danger in the intimacy--and +there often is--the only remedy is encouragement of association in a +large group. "There is safety in numbers." + +So, whether we are more concerned with the mischief done by the +gang, or with the danger of intimate chums, whether we care more for +the development of good citizenship in boys and girls, or merely to +make the children happy while they are growing up, it is necessary +for parents to use all the means at their disposal to organize and +encourage the social activities of the young people to the fullest +extent. + + + + +XI. + +CHILDREN'S IDEALS AND AMBITIONS + + +When you take pains to instruct your children in the way they should +go, it is because you have in mind certain standards of what a child +should do, or of what kind of an adult you wish your child to +become. In other words, you look to your ideals to guide you in the +training of the child. We all appreciate more or less vaguely the +importance of ideals in shaping character, and for this reason we +value ideals, although it is considered smart for adults to sneer at +ideals and idealism--which are supposed somehow to be opposed to the +"practical" affairs of life. But in a way there is nothing more +truly practical than a worthy ideal. + +Where there is no vision the people perish; and that is just as true +of the individual as it is of a nation. Moreover, it is the +_youth_ who shall see the visions and draw from them the +inspiration for higher and better things. Fortunately, every normal +child develops ideals. It is for more experienced people to provide +the opportunities for the formation of desirable ideals, to guide +the ideals after they are formed into practicable channels, to use +the ideals to reinforce the will in carrying out our practical +purposes in the training of the child. + +You no doubt find it easy enough to recognize and to encourage +ideals that are in harmony with your own, or that seem to you worthy +and likely to have a favorable influence upon your child's career or +character. When five-year-old Freddy says that he wants to become a +lawyer or a doctor, you encourage him. You say, "That's fine, my +boy," and in your mind's eye you see him climbing to fame and +fortune. But when Freddy says that he wants to be a policeman and +marry the candy-lady, you laugh at him, and you certainly do +_not_ encourage him. But in Freddy's mind doctor and lawyer +mean no more than policeman; they involve no more important social +service, they mean no more dignity in personal position, they +suggest nothing more of anything that is worth while. For whatever +it is that Freddy wants to be at any moment is to him the sum of all +that is to him worth while--and that is just what an ideal ought to +be. + +This is not a plea to cruel parents in behalf of smoothing Freddy's +path toward the coveted post--or the course of his courtship of the +candy-lady's daughter. It is simply an effort to point out how +important it is to avoid shattering early in life that precious +mirror in which alone visions are to be seen. When you have +ridiculed the policeman out of further consideration, you are likely +with the same act to have weakened Freddy's faith in ideals--and to +this extent you have loosened one of the safest props of his +character. We need not be afraid of the crude and short-sighted +ideals of the young child. With the growth of his experience his +ideals will expand. We should fear rather to infect him with the +vulgar disrespect for all ideals. + +In a few years Freddy has his heart set on charting the blank spaces +on his geography map, and he has never a thought for the girls. It +is the same Freddy, but he has in the meanwhile roamed far from the +home neighborhood--in imagination--and has discovered new heroes and +new types of heroism. The policeman and the candy-lady are still at +their old posts, but Freddy ignores them because his ideals have +grown with his experience and his information, as well as with his +bodily growth and development. + +Study of thousands of children in all parts of this country, in +England and in Germany, has shown that the young people begin to +form ideal images of what they consider desirable, or beautiful, or +right rather early in life. They form ideals of virtue as well as +ideals of happiness, and these ideals reflect their experiences and +their surroundings to a remarkable degree. Thus, there are +differences between the ideals formed by country children and those +formed by city children, between the ideals of poor children and +those of wealthy ones, between the ideals of English children and +those of American or German children. But, aside from all these +differences, it is found that the ideals vary with the sex of the +child, and also with the age, so that each child passes through a +series of stages marked by characteristic types of ideals. + +As early as the age of nine years children have expressed themselves +as looking forward to "doing good" in the world, or to making +themselves "good." The age at which this impulse to service or to +personal perfection may take form must depend upon many things +besides the peculiar characteristics of the individual child. +Jessie's ideals concerning "being good" will be shaped by what she +hears and sees about her. If you speak frequently about the foreign +missions, she may think of being good as something that has to do +with the heathen. If the family conversation takes into +consideration the sick and the needy, Jessie's ideal may be dressed +like a Red Cross nurse. If you never speak of the larger problems of +community welfare, or of social needs, or of moral advance in the +home, where Robert has a chance to hear you, he can get suggestions +toward such ideals only after he has read enough to become +acquainted with these problems and the corresponding lines of +service for himself. + +Answers received from hundreds of girls and boys would seem to show +that virtue and goodness are desirable to children at a certain +stage of their development chiefly, if not solely, because they +bring material or social benefits. Virtue is rewarded not by any +internal or spiritual satisfaction, but by freer access to the candy +supply or to the skating pond. The right is that which is allowable, +or that which may be practiced with impunity. The wrong is that +which is forbidden or punishable. Of course, this attitude toward +moral values should not continue through life. We should do what we +can to establish higher ideals of right and wrong. How soon this +change will come must depend very largely on where the emphasis is +laid by those around the child. If, when you give Robert a piece of +candy, you always impress him with the idea that this is his +compensation for having been "good," he will retain this association +between virtue and material reward long past the age when he can +already appreciate the satisfaction that comes from exercising his +instinct to be helpful, or from doing what he thinks is right. If, +however, the idea in the home is that all goes well and all feel +cheerful and happy because every one is trying to do the right +thing, the various indulgences and liberties will mean to the child +merely the material manifestations of the good feeling that +prevails, and not rewards of virtue. So far as possible, rewards and +punishments should be directed toward the _deed_ and not the +child. The aim should be to make the child derive his highest +satisfaction from carrying out his own ideals of conduct, rather +than from the reward for that conduct. The approbation of those he +honors and loves should gradually replace the material reward. + +To the child the ideal of success may mean two entirely different +things. At one stage it may mean the satisfaction of accomplishing a +set task, whether selected by himself or imposed by some one else. +Later, it comes to mean excelling some other child in a contest. +Even a child of four or five years gets a great deal of satisfaction +from contemplating a house he has built out of his blocks, or the +row of mud pies. This satisfaction gradually comes to be something +quite distinct from the pleasure of _doing_, and is an important +element in the ideal of workmanship. As the child grows older the +ideal of successful accomplishment grows stronger, and, if it is +retained throughout life, it contributes a large share toward the +individual's happiness. + +Most of the school activities of our children lay too much emphasis +upon the ideal of successful rivalry, and too little upon the ideal of +high achievement. The ideal set before the children is not frequently +enough that of doing the best that is in them, and too frequently that +of doing merely better than the neighbor--which may be poor enough. +Some of the work done with children in clubs, outside of schools, has +brought out the instinct for an ideal of achievement in a very good +way. Richard came home quite breathless when he was able to report +that he could start a fire on a windy day, using but a single match! +In some of the more modern organizations, for girls as well as for +boys, graded tasks are assigned as tests of individual proficiency or +prowess. Every girl and every boy must pass these standards, without +regard to what the others do. The result of encouraging this ideal is +likely to be an increased sense of responsibility, well as an +increased self-respect; whereas the ideal of "beating" others may in +many cases keep the girl or boy at a rather low level of achievement, +compared to the child's own capacity. + +This competitive ideal is illustrated by the girl who is ambitious +to stand at the head of her class, and receives encouragement +enough. But we give very little thought to the child whose ideals +are for service to others or to the community. It is very often the +same child that at one time glories in successful emulation under +the encouragement of our approval, and that later fails to develop +the germs of altruistic ideals because we fail to recognize, or at +least to encourage, them. We cannot expect from the schools an early +change of emphasis from the competitive type of ambition to the +ideal of cooperation or service, although the teachers who have +tried to encourage the latter have found the school work to proceed +more satisfactorily than it does under the spirit of emulation. But +in the home it should be much easier to encourage these higher types +of ideals, for we do not have to set one child against the other, +and there is greater opportunity for individual service on account +of the greater differences in the ages and attainments of the +children. + +It is interesting and significant that, of the thousands of children +who have given expression to their ideals and ambitions, a very +small number--less than one in every hundred--have appeared to be +quite content with themselves and with their surroundings. The +normal child craves for some thing better, and roams as far afield +as his knowledge and opportunities let him in his search for the +best. It is during the years from the tenth to the fifteenth or +sixteenth that this search is keenest, and during this period we +should present to the children every opportunity for becoming +acquainted with what has been considered best in the history of the +race. The reading that the boy or girl does at this time is perhaps +the most important source of ideals. + +The selection of suitable books for the young is in itself an important +problem, and one that many of us are apt to neglect. It is impossible to +judge of the desirability or suitableness of a book from its appearance, +or from its price, or from the standing of its publishers, or even from +the repute of the author. Many attractive-looking books are not only +worthless, but positively objectionable. If it is not possible for you +to examine carefully each book that you consider buying, you should make +use of an annotated list, or seek competent counsel in some other form. +Through libraries and various associations it is now possible to obtain +carefully prepared lists that will be helpful in selecting books for +children of all ages. + +An interesting point that has been brought out by studies is the +fact that degrading ideals are practically wanting in children. You +were no doubt shocked to discover that Eddy was planning to become a +burglar, or a pirate chief, or a tramp, or an ordinary highwayman. +But a careful analysis of the motives and experiences of the boy +will show that the particular feature that Eddy admires in his hero +is far removed from the ones that shock you. The boy is dreaming of +travel and adventure, of the excitement of chasing or of being +chased, of trying his ingenuity in conflict with the professionally +ingenious minions of the law, of being brave in the face of danger, +of testing his fortitude in the time of trouble, of the loyalty of +his comrades to himself as leader, or of his loyalty to his chief +when the latter is beset by his enemies. But courage and loyalty and +fortitude and ingenuity are no more degrading ideals than are +material possessions and intellectual accomplishments. Only it +happens that many boys find these particular ideals embodied in +heroes and personalities that we feel we must disapprove for various +reasons. Robin Hood appeals to the children not because he violated +the laws of the land or because he deprived people of their +property, but because he was brave, and clever, and just, and kind +to the poor. + +In comparing the ideals of children raised in the city with those of +children raised in the country, interesting differences appear. The +city children are in general less inclined to be altruistic than +country children at the same age. On the other hand, city children +draw upon a wider range of characters from history and from fiction +for their ideals. In the matter of future occupations, city children +were often satisfied to mention some preference from the various +occupations of which they had heard, without elaborating the +details, whereas the country children, although they did not select +from so wide a range, frequently described special features of some +occupation as the interesting elements leading to a choice. + +From the various studies that have been made we may see that the kind +of ideals that a child is likely to have depends a great deal upon the +_people_ with whom he becomes familiar, upon the _ideas_ with which he +becomes familiar, and upon the _activities_ with which he becomes +familiar. The child should have an opportunity to discover the best +that is available in his immediate environment. His earliest heroes +should be his parents; then the acquaintances near home should furnish +the qualities that will arouse his interest and admiration. It is a +mistake to thrust upon the child ideals ready made and imported for +the purpose. A hero thrust upon the young imagination may do service +for a while, but is likely to be discarded later when that particular +hero's virtues really need to be kept before the child much more than +they did in the earlier period. George Washington and his hatchet have +furnished us a legend that is a good illustration of this. The hero is +dressed up to be attractive to children of nursery age, and endowed +with nursery virtues. When the children grow up and so outgrow their +nursery ideals, they discard interest in and admiration for George +Washington: this is a serious loss to our national idealism. + +The results of the studies also indicate how significant is suitable +literature in the formation of ideals. A comparison of returns from +girls with those from boys throws an important side light on this +problem. In nearly every group of answers received it was evident +that most girls, when they get to a certain age, adopt ideals that +are decidedly masculine. The explanation of this seems to lie in the +fact that the characters of history and of literature with whom they +become most familiar are those showing distinctly masculine +qualities. There are real differences between the mind of a girl and +the mind of a boy, and these should be taken into consideration in +their training. There is great need for the clearer recognition and +sharper definition of distinctly feminine ideals. It is not enough +to transfer some imitation masculine ideals to the minds of our +girls. + +We should make a special effort to discover our children's ideals, +for several reasons. First of all, by knowing what the girl or boy +has nearest the heart we shall be able to enter into closer sympathy +with the child, we shall be able to understand much of the conduct +that would otherwise baffle as well as annoy us. In the second +place, by watching the rise of ideals we shall be better able to +direct the child's playing and his reading and those other +activities that are needed to supply the experiences and ideas that +seem to be lacking, or to discourage tendencies that seem to us +undesirable. In the third place, if we know our children's ideals we +can make use of these as motive forces in helping us to carry out +our larger plans. It is when the boy is in the military stage of his +ambitions that we should try to make the virtues of the soldier +habitual parts of his character. It is when the girl is ambitious to +make a fine garden that we should try to make her fix the habits of +orderliness, regularity, and attention to details. Of course, not +every girl will want to have a garden, and many a boy never cares to +be a soldier; but at every stage there are ideals that can be called +upon to fix the heart upon certain virtues until the latter become +habits. + +It is very easy to ridicule the ideals and ambitions of children when +they seem to us too high-flown or futile. But a person's ideals stand +too close to the centre of his character to be treated so rudely. It +is better to ignore the many trifling flights of fancy that are not +likely to have any permanent effect, and to throw the child into +circumstances that will force the emergence of more deep-seated or +far-reaching ambitions. + +There is another danger in the ease with which a child's faith in +ideals is destroyed, when these happen to interfere with our own +immediate comfort and desires. When a boy has gotten into some +mischief with his friends, and is the only one caught, we are +tempted to bring pressure to bear upon him to make him tell who the +other culprits were. Joe is ready to take his own punishment, and +that of his fellow malefactors, too, rather than "snitch." But for +some reason we feel that "justice" demands the conviction of every +individual involved. The conflict is not between our sense of +justice and the boy's stubbornness or wilfulness; it is rather a +struggle between our demand for retribution and the boy's ideal of +loyalty. If, through threats and cajolery or more indirect methods, +we at last succeed in finding out that it was Mrs. Brown's Bob who +was responsible for the whole affair, we have at last broken down +Joe's inclination to act according to certain ideal standards. Joe +has fallen in his own estimation beyond calculation. It is better to +let Bob go "unpunished" than to make Joe go back on his principles. + +One important outcome of a study of our children's ideals and +ambitions should be the direction of their vocational choices. We +have read of Benjamin Franklin's father, who took his boys about to +various shops with a view to helping them make up their minds as to +what kind of trade they should follow. Nowadays we should consider +this method rather crude; but for a variety of reasons most of us do +not do even this much for our children. A study of children's plans +and hopes for their future work brings out the fact that the desire +to "earn money" as a motive in the choice increases up to the age of +twelve years, and then declines rapidly. This may be taken to mean +that, apart from the enlarged range of interests that comes with +increased experience, there is also an efflorescence of the fancy +that leads to increased concern with ideal ends. This is confirmed +by a comparison of the choice made by children of well-to-do +families with those made by children of rather poor people. The +children of the poor, in tragically large numbers, appear to accept +the fact of working as a necessity of life; they accept this +doggedly as a matter of course. The children of more prosperous +families, on the other hand, though frequently expressing +preferences for the same kinds of occupations, have their hearts set +on the joy of achievement, or on the ideal of service, or on the fun +of _doing_, in much larger proportions. + +From answers written by English children in a factory district these +examples are typical: + +A boy of eight: "I should like to be a Carpenter. Because my mother +says I can be one." + +A girl of twelve: "I should like to go out when I am older to earn +my own living." + +Another girl of twelve: "I think it would be nice to go out to a +situation." + +In contrast with these are the answers given by children of the same +ages who came from homes of culture, if not always of wealth: + +A boy of eight: "I would like to be like Major ---- because I like +carpentering very much and he carpenters beautifully. Once he bought +a box for his silver and there was one tray to it and he wanted to +make little fittings for the silver so first he painted some names +on some paper of all the different things he had; then he cut them +out and supposing he wanted to put knives and forks quickly he would +have a little name written down where they ought to go and he made +the fittings most beautifully quite as well as any shop would." + +A girl of thirteen: "One thing I should like to do would be to be a +very clever naturalist, and to know everything about everything +alive or in the country world." + +A girl of ten: "I should like to be a piano teacher, when I grow up, +for then I shall be able to learn to play many pieces of poetry." + +A part of this difference is no doubt due to the fact that in many +families there are traditional ideals of the obligations of +privilege, which the children readily imitate; or to the fact that +these children do not have to think about the necessity of earning a +livelihood, and so give their attention to the enjoyments that can +be derived from various kinds of activity. + +The subject of vocational guidance, which has come into great +prominence during the past few years, includes so many ideas that +are confusing and misleading that large numbers of people have +become alarmed and are fighting the movement. In the first place, +the title itself is misleading. Most people do not enter upon +"callings" in the true sense of that word; they get into some kind +of occupation or business, but could just as readily have adjusted +themselves to any one of a thousand other occupations. Then the +matter of _guidance_ is misleading. It is impossible for anyone +to-day to undertake to guide young people into their occupations. +All that can be hoped for is that children may be given an +opportunity to find out about the different types of work that need +to be done, and about the different human qualities that are of +value in the various occupations. + +The question that concerns the parent is: What special inclinations +has the child that can be utilized in a future occupation? It is not +so much a question of making full use of your child's talents as it +is of giving him an opportunity to do the kind of work in which he +will be most happy. Society at large is interested in conserving all +the different kinds of ability, but the individual child is +concerned with realizing his own ideals, with living, so far as +possible, his own life. At the same time, the evidence which we have +on the subject--not very much, to be sure--shows that there is +really a close connection between what a child likes to do and what +he can do well. It is, of course, true that one can learn to do well +what at first comes hard, and then learn to like it. But we must not +forget that strong inclinations must be carefully considered when +future work is being decided upon. + +Our children are so imitative that a child with marked talents will +occasionally not reveal these in surroundings that lay emphasis on +qualities unrelated to these talents. So many a boy with high-grade +musical ability will fail to show this where music is looked down +upon as something unworthy of a man. In the same way children will +develop ideals in imitation of what goes on around them. Every child +is likely at some time in his career to look forward to money-making +as the most desirable end in life; but most normal children will +pass beyond this ideal before adolescence. If, however, the +atmosphere in which the child lives is one of money-getting, the +child without strong tendencies toward other ideals is likely to +allow this ideal to persist into adolescence and young manhood or +womanhood. In such cases the ideal becomes fixed without indicating +that the individual is "by nature" of an avaricious temperament or +materialistically inclined. + +The same principle of imitativeness would, of course, apply to other +ideals. This explains to us why the recurrence of certain ideals or +modes of life in successive generations of a family leads to the +supposition that there are "hereditary" elements at work. It is also +a good reason why we should guard against the contaminating +influence of unworthy ideals. It is impossible for us to carry about +imitation virtues and fool our children into imitating them. + +Children begin to form their ideals early in life, and their first +standards are derived from the people and the things about them that +contribute to their pleasures--sweets and parents and the heroes of +the fairy tales. + +As the child's experience broadens he borrows ideals from new +acquaintances and the characters he meets in his reading. + +The child absorbs from his surroundings, from his acquaintances, and +from his reading, as well as from the instruction that he receives +in school or in church, materials for building a world of what +_ought_ to be. And in this world he himself plays a very +important rôle. We must therefore make sure that the materials for +ideals which are within our control shall be of the best. + +Loose conversation, cynicism, open disrespect for the noble things +in human character, lack of faith in human nature cannot be +exhibited to the child day after day without having their sinister +effect. It is true that some children, here and there, will resist +these unfavorable influences, and will come out of the struggle +strong and self-reliant, with faith in their own ideals and with +faith in mankind. But we cannot afford to treat the developing +character of the child on the theory that it needs exercise and +temptation as a gymnast needs exercise and trying tasks. The +temptation that becomes a habitual stimulus to wrong doing or wrong +thinking has no moral value. The child is only too ready to follow +the path of least resistance, and the temptations will come aplenty +after the ideals begin to form. + +High ideals in the home, and not merely good words; loyalty to +ideals and a spirit of confidence in the children, are needed to +give the children that confidence in themselves which they need to +make them loyal to their own ideals when these are out of harmony +with vulgar fashion. + + + + +XII. + +THE STORK OR THE TRUTH + + +"Mother, where do babies come from?" + +Some day you will be asked this question by your little girl or your +little boy--if you have not already been asked. What will your +answer be? + +Even if you have been accustomed to giving frank answers to your +children's questions about all sorts of subjects, you are likely to +hesitate when it comes to this. You will be tempted to say what you +were probably told yourself, under similar circumstances. You will +perhaps say that the doctor brings babies in his satchel, or that +the stork brings babies in his bill. Or perhaps you will feel +impelled to tell Harry to go out and play, and ask you again a few +years later when he will be old enough to understand. + +The telling of a myth like the stork story is harmless enough for +the time being. We have entertained Santa Claus for ages without +undermining the morals of our children. And we shall continue to +retell the fairy stories, for, although they are not, strictly +speaking, "true" stories, they have their place in the life of the +child. Why can we not go on, then, as we have done in the past, +leaning upon the stork? + +The difference between the story of where babies come from and the +story of Santa Claus or Mother Hubbard is a very important one. +Santa Claus and Mother Hubbard represent ideas and interests that +are but passing phases in the child's development, whereas knowledge +about reproduction is something that grows in interest with the +years and reaches its deepest significance just at the time when you +can hardly, if at all, regain your hold upon your child, once you +have lost it. It does not matter much who disillusions your child +about Santa Claus. The disappointment is brief, and soon the child +can look upon the legend as a joke. But it does matter very much who +tells your child that the stork story is all a lie, and _how_ +he is told. + +It is well for mothers to realize that the embarrassment which they +may feel when this question is first asked is quite foreign to the +child, for the child at this time has no knowledge whatever of sex. +To him it is simply a question for satisfying his momentary +curiosity. Later on, when the child has become aware of the idea of +sex, he is not likely to ask his mother embarrassing questions, or, +if he should ask them, the situation would be equally embarrassing +to both--unless you have in the meanwhile kept in close sympathy +with your children, and they feel that they can come to you with any +question and be answered frankly. And the way to keep them in close +sympathy is by meeting frankly every question as it arises. It is +not necessary to answer every question by telling everything you +know; it is necessary merely to tell enough to satisfy the child's +immediate need. Not only, then, does your frank answer tend to keep +the child in touch with the mother, but you protect him in this +manner against going for his information to sources that are +frequently contaminating. The information that boys and girls give +one another about sex matters is often something appalling, not only +in its distance from the truth, but in the amount of filth with +which it is encrusted. It is the desire to keep his mind clean, +then, that should prompt the mother to tell her child what he wants +to know when he wants to know it. A third consideration is found in +the fact that many children, when they do not receive satisfactory +answers to their queries, will reflect and brood about the subject +to a degree that becomes morbid. This is especially likely to happen +where the subject of the child's inquiry is treated as though it +were an improper or a wicked one to speak about, so that the child +dares not ask others for enlightenment. + +That the early answering of the child's questions may offset both +morbid curiosity and the danger of resorting to filthy sources of +information is illustrated by the story of a seven-year-old boy who +was invited by an older boy to come to the wood-shed for the purpose +of being told an important secret. "If you promise not to tell any +one," the older boy began, "I will tell you where babies come from." +"Why, I know where babies come from," replied the second, not +greatly interested. "Oh, yes you do! I suppose you think that a +stork brings them? Well, you're 'way off there. The stork ain't got +nothing to do with it," the instructor continued breathlessly, for +fear of being deprived of his opportunity to impart his precious +secret. At last the secret was out; but the younger replied, coolly, +"That's nothing. My mother told me that when I was four years old." +Since the matter had ceased to be a secret, and since the story even +lacked novelty, all opportunity for the elaboration of details was +destroyed. + +But what can you tell to a child of four or five? For that is the +age at which the question is likely first to present itself. +Remember that the child is not asking a sex question, but one about +the direct source of himself, or about some particular baby that he +has seen. You can say that the baby grew from a tiny egg, which is +in a little chamber that grows as the baby grows, until the baby is +big enough to come out. This will satisfy most children for a +considerable time, but some children will immediately ask, "Where is +that little room?" To which you may reply, "The growing baby must be +kept in the most protected place possible, so it is kept under the +mother's heart." Or, you may say that the baby grew from a seed +implanted in the mother's body, that it was nourished by her blood +until it grew large enough, when it came out at the cost of much +suffering. Of course, you will tell the story as personally as you +can, about your particular child, and in as simple a way as you can. + +If you tell the little girl or boy this much you have told him all +that he probably cares to know at this time; you have told the truth +so that you have nothing to fear about his being disillusioned +either as to the story or as to your own trustworthiness; and you +have avoided arousing the suspicion that certain subjects are +unworthy of understanding. And then you will find that this new +conception of his relation to you, as truly a part of your being, +will deepen and strengthen his natural feeling of affection and +sympathy. It is also well with the first telling to impress the +child--in so many words, if necessary--with the idea that he must +always come to you for anything he wants to know, and that you are +always glad to tell him. + +As the child grows older his knowledge of life must grow also. In +the country and in small towns the child becomes familiar with many +important facts about life without any special effort being required +to inform him. He learns that chickies hatch out of eggs and that +the eggs have been laid by the mother hen. He learns that the field +and garden plants grow from seeds and that the seeds were borne by +the mother plants. He learns about the coming of the calf and the +colt; and even city children can learn that kittens and puppies come +from mother animals. It is a comparatively simple matter for a child +with such knowledge to get the further information that the baby +brother developed from an egg that mother kept near her heart during +the hatching time. Much of this knowledge that the country child +acquires incidentally must be brought to the city child through +special efforts and devices, in the school as well as in the home, +that he may acquire the fundamental facts of bearing and rearing +young, in plants as well as in animals, and that he may look upon +these facts not as strange or disconcerting marvels, but as natural +happenings. + +Miss Garrett, one of the most successful teachers of sex and +reproduction, tells the story of some city boys who had been taught +these things, and who had decided, in their club, to raise rabbits. +The selection of a father rabbit and a mother rabbit was too +important a matter to leave to a committee, so the whole club went +in a body to attend to these preliminaries. The care the boys took +of the mother rabbit during her pregnancy was in itself an +education. Later Miss Garrett saw the leader of the club--who had +been the "toughest" of the gang--with another boy on the street, +while a pregnant woman was trying to cross with a heavy basket. +"Come on, Jim," he called, "let's help her across." This same boy +but a few months back would have ridiculed the poor woman in her +plight. + +Every child can learn what Jim and his companion learned. He can +learn to respect motherhood and to be considerate of mothers as +mothers. It is very interesting to see the great differences in this +regard between families in which the fact of motherhood is a secret, +and those in which it is a matter of common knowledge. I was +visiting a friend whose six-year-old boy knew that another baby was +expected, and he was very careful to avoid annoying his mother. Of +course, the attitude of the other members of the family also had an +influence upon the conduct of this child. But another mother +complained that she received very little consideration during +pregnancy from her oldest son--a boy of fourteen--although all the +other members of the family were as careful and as thoughtful as +could be desired. This second mother, however, had allowed her older +boys to grow up on the assumption that sex and reproduction had +nothing to do with life, or, at any rate, were of no concern to them +and were not suitable subjects to know about; so that her boys did +_not_ know that something unusual was in the air, or that +something special was expected of them. + +The important thing for the mother to do during these growing years +is to retain the confidence of the children, and to give them an +opportunity to become acquainted with the everyday facts about +plants and animals. The questions that come to the child's mind will +be questions of motherhood and babyhood, chiefly, and not questions +of sex or fatherhood. When these questions do at last arise, as they +are sure to almost any time after twelve years, and sometimes even +before, you have a great advantage if your child brings his +questions to you instead of to his casual acquaintances of the +school or street, even if you are not prepared to answer all the +questions for him. The girl will come to her mother, and the boy +will come to his father, if they have acquired the habit of coming +with frankness and confidence. Then, if for any reason you are not +qualified to tell what needs to be told, you may just as frankly say +so and refer the child to the right instructor, who may be a teacher +or the family physician. Older children may even be sent to suitable +books. But the most desirable condition is that in which the parents +have prepared in advance to answer all the questions themselves, and +even to anticipate some questions. + +[Illustration: In the country children become acquainted with the +facts of life.] + +The child should receive instruction along these lines at various +stages in his development, even up to young manhood or womanhood, +corresponding to his physical development and to his mental +development, which normally proceed in close relation to each other. +The girl should be informed how to care for her health. The boy +should be instructed about the sex life of the opposite sex to know +what they have a right to expect, or rather what they have no right +to demand of the other. Boys during the adolescent period, which has +been called the "age of chivalry and romance," are keen to +appreciate the rights of others and their own duties to the weak; it +is at this time that we are to appeal to their sense of honor in +establishing ideals of purity, and the sense of responsibility as +bearers of the life stream. The standards of sex morals are +established during this period, for girls as well as for boys. Their +strength to time of temptation will lie in the ideals which now +become fixed. We want our girls to grow up demanding purity of the +young men they will meet, not pretending that they do not know the +difference. And we want our boys to grow up with faith in the +literal truth of that fine line about Sir Galahad: + +His strength is as the strength of ten, because his heart is pure. + +The parents who wish to prepare themselves with a knowledge of what +to tell their children in place of the old stork fable; of when to +tell, instead of postponing to a dishonest "some other time"; and of +_how_ to tell, instead of in the embarrassing, half-expressed +vagueness, would do well to read some of the abundant literature on +this subject that has been issued in recent years just for our help: +Some of the best titles are given below. + +The following titles, with comments, are taken for the most part +from "A Selected List of Books for Parents," issued by the +Federation for Child Study: + +BIOLOGY OF SEX. By T. W. Galloway. A concise and reliable statement +of fundamental sex facts. + +GIRL AND WOMAN. By Caroline Latimer. Very helpful in understanding +and dealing with the physical, mental and moral disturbances of +girlhood and early womanhood. Some of the recommendations, +particularly regarding physical aspects, are open to question. + +MARRIAGE AND THE SEX PROBLEM. By F. W. Foerster. Emphasis is laid +upon the religious and spiritual sides of the emotional life, upon +training for self-control and the mastery of moods and instincts. + +SEX. By Patrick Geddes and J. Arthur Thompson. The biological +aspects of sex and also interesting chapters on sex education, the +ethics of sex, and sex and society. Good bibliography. + +SEX EDUCATION. By Maurice A. Bigelow. Covers the problems of sex +education and of criticisms of sex education. + +SEX EDUCATION. By Ira S. Wile, M.D. An excellent little volume for +the purpose of assisting parents to banish the difficulties and to +suggest a plan for developing a course in sex education. The chapter +on terminology is most helpful. + +THE SEXUAL LIFE OF A CHILD. By Dr. Albert Moll. An exhaustive study +of the origin and development in childhood and youth, of the acts +and feelings due to sex. Indispensable to anyone interested in sex +education. + +THE SEXUAL QUESTION. By August Forel, M.D., Ph.D., LL.D. Translated +from the German by C. F. MARSHALL, M.D., F.R.C.S. A comprehensive +and reliable study of the subject from biological, historical, +social and hygienic viewpoints. + +TRAINING OF THE YOUNG IN LAWS OF SEX. By the Hon. E. Lyttelton. A +brief presentation, from a lofty point of view of the many phases of +the sex problem as it confronts the boy. + +The following books on sex education were written for children. They +are listed here, not to be put into the hands of the young, but as a +help to parents in supplying methods of approach and a usable +vocabulary: + +THE RENEWAL OF LIFE. By Margaret W. Morley. + +THE SEX SIDE OF LIFE. An Explanation for Young People. By Dr. Mary +Ware Dennett (Pamphlet, published by the author, New York.) + +THE SPARK OF LIFE. By Margaret W. Morley. + +THE THREE GIFTS OF LIFE. By Nellie M. Smith, A.M. + +Special studies in many parts of the country, especially during the +war, have made it clear that girls in the adolescent stage are +definitely aware of the need for clean and trustworthy instruction +on matters pertaining to the relations between the sexes, to the +control of the emotions, to the care of the body during the +menstrual period, and to other problems arising from the facts of +sex. + +It is pathetic, is it not, to have a high-school girl write: "Some +parents are ashamed to tell their girls everything, so that is why I +think they should be told in school." Whose parents had she in mind? + +Another writes: "There are many girls with no mother or very near +female relation that can tell them all they need to know, and if +anything should happen in a girl's life, she does not think it +proper to speak to a male, even if it is her father." Are the girls +who have mothers or "very near female relations" to be none the +better, or happier for it? + +I hope that mothers will not continue in the future, as most have +done in the past, to hesitate about giving such information to their +children. If you are perhaps tempted to feel that you would like to +preserve the child's innocence as long as possible, you have but to +realize that innocence is not the same as ignorance. We are apt to +forget how young we ourselves were when we had obtained one way or +another a large mass of information about reproduction, and even +about sex. The question is not whether a young child should have +this information or not; the question is whether he shall have +correct and pure information, or false and filthy information. For +one or the other he is sure to get. True knowledge is the best +mantle of innocence. + +Much misery is caused, not only for girls, but also for boys, by the +lapses from the path of virtue. If the young man who has gone astray +is in a position to say, "Had I but heeded!" instead of saying, "Had +I but known!" it will make a great difference in the way he will +later feel toward the one person from whom he had a right to expect +protecting knowledge. It is true enough that knowledge alone is not +a sure protection against wrong-doing; but you can have no moral +training without knowledge, and knowledge is the least you can give. + +There is no reason why parents should think of enlightening their +children on this subject as a disagreeable necessity, instead of as +one of the important means through which to be of real help to their +children, and at the same time to help themselves to retain their +hold upon the children. + + + + +XIII. + +THE GOLDEN AGE OF TRANSITION + + +There comes a time in the life of every boy and every girl that +brings a maximum of trials and worry--to the other people. This time +is the golden age of transition from childhood to manhood or +womanhood, the age of adolescence. If you have had annoyance and +hardship with your infants, if the children have perplexed you and +tried you--as you thought, to the limit--you may be sure that there +is more in store for you. For the age of adolescence brings with it +problems and perplexities and annoyances that will make you forget +that it's any trouble at all to look after younger children. + +After years of painstaking attention to all the details of a child's +home surroundings, in the hope that this attention will result in +distinct gains to the child's character, it must be very discouraging +to notice some fine day that Louise is becoming rather finicky about +the food--which is just as good as she has always had--and that Arthur +is inclined to become rather short in speaking to his mother--not to +say impudent. And both are likely to become critical not only about +the food but about a hundred other things that they find at home. And +both are likely to be something not far from impudent in giving +expression to their criticisms. In fact, they will be quite prepared +to undertake the education of their parents, and to tell you with +alarming assurance just how and when to do things, both at home and +abroad. Fortunate, indeed, are the parents who have come to this +critical stage in their education equipped with a sense of humor. + +However, these unexpected and mortifying outbreaks of inconsiderateness +and bad manners do _not_ show that your early efforts have all been in +vain. They do _not_ show that outside influences beyond your control +have perverted your children, or have counteracted your efforts. They +show merely that Louise and Arthur are still growing, and have now +entered upon that most interesting and most significant period of the +new birth. + +It is well, first of all, for the mother--and the father, too--to +realize that this period is a passing one, for this knowledge can +save you many a worried day and many a sleepless night. I do not +mean that when the child comes to this dangerous age you are simply +to let nature and impulse have their way. I mean only that the +problems are to be met with many devices, but not with worry. For we +are coming to understand some of the fundamental causes of the great +changes that occur in the nature of the growing child at this time, +and we are learning, accordingly, better ways of dealing with the +troublesome manifestations of these changes. Not that we can lay +down rules for the proper handling of all adolescents everywhere, +for we can not. Every individual is a problem by himself; but we can +learn a better way of approaching this precious problem, a more +helpful attitude to maintain toward him or her. + +There is a physical basis for the remarkable alterations in the +minds and morals of this age. The infant grows very rapidly at +first, but with a diminishing rate until about the twelfth year. +Then, almost suddenly, the rate of growth increases again, and in +four or five years most children have attained nearly their full +physical growth. Associated with this great physical growth is the +fact that some organs grow much faster than others, so that the +proportions of an adult come to be very different from those of a +child. In the meanwhile, however, there has been a great strain on +the system, because, apart from the demands of the general body +growth, some of the organs have not been able to keep up with the +special demands made upon them. For example, the growth in body +weight and in muscle may proceed more rapidly than the proportionate +growth of the lungs or the liver, or the weight may increase more +rapidly than the proportionate strength of the muscles. Moreover, +the nervous system is developing at a more rapid rate, probably, +than the other systems of organs, and this strain shows itself in +various ways that are disagreeable to adults with fixed habits and +standards. + +All of these changes are intimately bound up with the development of +the sex organs and with the approach of sexual maturity. + +A graceful child becomes awkward and a well-mannered child comes to +act rudely and to speak quite unlike his former self. These changes +are related to the fact that with the development of the nervous +system there arise impulses for hundreds of new kinds of movements +which the child can learn to suppress or to control only with the +passing of time. This is the age at which the child is exposed to +the acquirement of many undesirable muscular habits, such as various +kinds of fidgetings, biting of the finger-nails, twirling of +buttons, wrinkling of the forehead, shruggings, swaying the body, +rolling the tongue, tapping with the fingers or the feet, and so on. +Nearly a thousand of these uncontrolled or "automatic" movements +have been described in children of this age. Of course, any of these +movements that produce sounds or that catch our eye are very +annoying to us, and if we have never nagged before, we are likely to +begin now by saying _Don't this_ and _Don't that_, for we +have never been tempted like this before. But nagging is not what is +called for. + +Are we then to let them keep on annoying others, or are we to leave +them to themselves to make permanent these awkward and disturbing +and often hideous movements? We should do neither. We should +remember that now of all times the boy or girl needs our friendship +and our sympathy; we should let the young person feel that our +objections are not based upon our momentary annoyance, but upon our +concern for the kinds of habits he will acquire; and we should do +what we can to help him break his habit, not insist that he break it +for us. Moreover, it is not certain that all of these fidgetings and +tappings should be suppressed upon their first appearance. Most of +these automatic movements disappear of themselves as the child +matures and learns to direct his nervous energy into channels that +lead to useful actions, as he acquires skill and self-control +through practice in gymnastics or with tools, or musical instruments +or at some games. And while there should be every opportunity to +play games and musical instruments and to handle tools, etc., we +should not be discouraged if, after a whole day of hard exertion in +work and play, there is still some energy left for drumming on the +table or teasing sister or the cat, or for dancing a jig upstairs +and rattling the lamp. + +Closely connected with the rapid development of the nervous system +is the fact of the increasing irritability of temper. This will show +itself every day in a hundred ways. Of course, it is unreasonable, +and, of course, the boy or girl is not to be allowed to become rude +and impatient and domineering. But with this increasing irritability +comes increasing sensitiveness, and it is very easy for you to make +him realize that his conduct is not that becoming a gentleman, or +that his manner has been offensive. He will not give you the +satisfaction, very often, of letting you know that he fully +appreciates your point of view; indeed, he will even make a show of +disputing your position; he will try to argue out a justification +for his conduct, or at least a mitigation. But he knows very well +what his offense is, and is thoroughly ashamed of himself; but he +has to save his face. + +It may be helpful to mothers and fathers, and to others who have to +do with girls and boys of this age, to know that what appears to us +as impudence is very often but an expression of the child's awkward +attempt to hide his discomfiture or embarrassment. This is +especially true in the early stages of adolescence. The boy or girl +is becoming conscious of himself as a person, and resents being +treated as a child; the only way he knows of asserting his +personality is by affecting an air of disdain toward those who +presume to treat him as a child. This swagger is more likely to be +put on when there is a third person present. It is therefore always +safer to reserve your discussions and corrections to the time when +you are alone with your girl or boy, and can place your conversation +on an intimate basis. + +Hand in hand with spells of most irritating self-assertiveness, the +adolescent is subject to spells of most depressing humility and +self-abnegation. Indeed, at every point this period is marked by the +most violent contrasts and alterations of mood. Hours or days of +seeming indifference to all interests and activities will be +followed by keen excitement and enthusiasm. A fit of doubt in his +own ability and worthiness will be followed by almost ludicrous +self-confidence. A feverish desire for constant companionship will +follow a dull and moody search for seclusion and solitude. In +general it is perhaps wisest to ignore these changing moods, except +where they find their outlet in offensive or vicious conduct. We +must remember that it is just as trying to the young person as it is +to the older ones; and, while we may not be prepared to yield our +comfort and our standards to the whims of the girl or boy, we should +seek for adjustment through sympathetic exchange of ideas and +sentiments, and not through arbitrary rules. In any case, these +changing moods need not in themselves be considered occasions for +misgivings and worry about the future development, for they are part +and parcel of the rapid changes in the nervous system. + +So complex is the character of this stage that volumes have been +written about it; it has been recorded in song and in literature, +and has been celebrated in religious ceremonials from ancient times. +If, then, the mother finds it perplexing, and somewhat beyond her +full comprehension, she certainly should not blame herself. + +It has been said that the complexity of the individual during +adolescence is due to the fact that at this time the brain and the +whole body become at last awakened to their manifold capacities, and +that the child now is not only capable of doing everything that a +human being can do, but feels the impulse to do everything. But +manifestly he cannot do all things at once; hence the rapid changes +of impulse and mood. There is a sudden increase in emotions, without +suitable habits for giving them an outlet. There is vague longing +and formless yearning for the child knows not what. Much relief and +satisfaction come from physical exertion, especially for boys. There +is much satisfaction of the emotions from association with others; +hence the growth of the gang and the feeling of kinship. + +Adults, with their limited interests and their appreciation of the +need for specialization in the practical pursuits of life, are often +inclined to look with disfavor upon the growing girl's or boy's +"dabbling" in a hundred different directions. Not content with +athletics and hunting, the boy will want to collect stamps or birds' +eggs, to make a motor-boat and learn telegraphy; to take photographs +and try his hand at the cornet; to experiment in chemistry and stuff +an owl. Not content with dancing, sewing and cooking, the girl will +want to master several poets and make attempts at painting; she will +want to become more proficient at the piano and do some singing; she +will want her share of photography and athletics, and would try her +hand at writing a novel. All these things seem so distracting to us +that we fear either that the young person will become a superficial +dabbler or will fail to settle down to something serious. But much +is to be said in favor of letting every girl and boy do as near to +everything he or she wants to do as possible. Expertness can come +later when a choice of a specialty has been made. Now is the time +for touching life at as many points as possible, for acquiring +breadth of outlook and range of sympathy and interest. Now +especially is the time for trying out the individual's capacities-- +which may lie quite beyond the range of the conventional pursuits of +the family or the neighborhood. It is the time for self-discovery, +and to this end every bit of help that can come from the home and +from the church, from the school and from the community, from direct +experience and from literature, should be utilized. + +The danger of early specialization is shown to us when we +contemplate men and women who have no interests beyond their rather +narrow routine occupations, who have no sympathies beyond their +rather narrow set of intimates, who have no appreciation of human +character and human service beyond the small circle into which they +settled in their teens, and from which they can by no possibility be +drawn. It is because the formation of new habits becomes +increasingly difficult after the sixteenth or seventeenth year that +narrow prejudices and biased opinions should be avoided by +participation in the broadest variety of activities and +associations. Before the conflicting moods and tendencies are +finally welded into a consistent whole the girl or boy should make a +part of his personality as many sources of enthusiasm, as many kinds +of interest, as many lines of sympathy as possible. In a few years +the character begins to "set," and the _size_ of the character +will be in large part determined by the number and variety of +emotional, intellectual, sensory, and muscular elements that have +been developed during this adolescent period. + +One of the characteristics of this age is the tendency to hero +worship. It is so difficult to know in advance what types of heroes +our children are going to select that we are inclined to feel quite +helpless in the matter. But it is safe to say that earlier training +is sure to have its effects, although we cannot always measure the +effect. A boy in whom a keen sense of honor shows itself before +adolescence is not likely to adopt a hero in whom there is a +suspicion of anything sneaky. The new flood of emotions brings with +it a host of new aspirations and new ideals; and some of these are +likely enough to conflict with the older childish ideals. It is +therefore of the utmost importance that the reading--which is +perhaps the chief source of model heroes for most children--should +be of a wholesome kind. This does not mean that the stories must be +about paragons of virtue; the villains of fiction and history have +their value in teaching life and character, and we need not fear +that they will contaminate the minds of the young, for in most +children the instincts may be relied upon to reject the allurement +of the base character. But fiction that is false in its sentiment, +that does not present truthful pictures of life, is likely to give +perverted ideas of human relations and false standards of value. +City children who have access to the theatre often get their heroes +from the stage; and the same thing may be said about the drama as +about fiction. It is only the too highly colored and exaggerated +melodrama that is likely to be objectionable for the impressionable +youth. The moving-picture shows, which are coming to supply so many +of the children with their chief opportunity to learn life, have +been, on the whole, fairly wholesome; and the movement to secure +more adequate censorship of the films will probably leave these +sources of instruction perfectly safe, from a moral point of view, +so far as concerns the knowledge of life that the adolescent gets. +The only real danger from the "movies" and the theatres is likely to +be the cultivation of the habit of passive entertainment. + +And this suggests another source of puzzles of adolescence. In the +alternating moods of excessive exertion and indolence there is the +possibility of girls and boys learning the value of alternation of +work and play and rest. But there is also the danger of acquiring +the habit of resting all the time, and leaving not only the work for +others, but also the activity of play. It is much better for +children to rest because they are tired than because they are lazy. +And, while it is true that the instincts are all for activity, it is +easy enough for the growing individual to acquire the habit of +passive absorption of whatever amusement is provided. It is better, +then, for the young people to get their entertainment out of +theatricals than out of the theatre, out of playing games than out +of watching games, out of having adventures in the woods and in the +water than out of reading about them. And, in every way, the most +reliable safety-valve of the period is constant activity, as this is +the best outlet for the many and conflicting emotions which are the +source of the chief difficulties. When Arthur shows signs of getting +restless it is a great comfort to be able to send him off on some +errand, or to give him a definite task to do. But it is also a great +service to the boy, for while he is at the work there is being used +up the nervous energy that would otherwise appear at the surface as +another "spell." And this principle is just as true for girls as it +is for boys. Only you cannot send the girl to a piece of work +requiring great bodily exertion--nor does she need this so much. + +Work is not only a satisfactory safety-valve for the emotions in +general, but it is especially valuable as a means of diverting the +thoughts and feelings from the growing consciousness of sex. + +One of the reasons why it now becomes more difficult for even +thoughtful and considerate parents to keep in close sympathy with +the boy or girl is this outburst of new and varied interests, which +clamor for movement and color and quick changes. The parent has in +the course of years settled down to a relatively small group of +activities and interests, most of which offer no appeal to the +growing individual. For instance, you would like to come close to +the thoughts and feelings of your growing son or daughter; you +suggest that you take a walk together. Now, it is very nice for a +middle-aged person to take a walk, alone or with a companion; but +the girl or boy sees no sense in taking a walk unless you wish to +get somewhere. The ordinary conversation and gossip that a girl is +likely to hear when you take her to visit a friend is apt to be very +stupid--to the girl. Even where the parents have watched the +expanding soul closely on the one hand, and have kept themselves in +touch with a variety of activities rich in human interests on the +other, they often find that the intimacy with their children is for +a time weakened, and fully restored only after the latter have +passed through these trying years. + +What is likely to be the greatest source of grief on the part of the +parent is the apparent lapse of the growing boy or girl from +standards of honesty and truthfulness with which she has so +solicitously tried to imbue him or her. But this lapse during the +critical growing period is so widespread, so common among boys and +girls who afterward become fine men and women, that special students +of the problem have come to believe that semi-criminality is quite +normal, at least for boys, at this age. Now, while some children are +perhaps by nature incapable of attaining to a satisfactory moral +level, most children will, under suitable surroundings, grow away +from this state of lying and stealing; but under adverse conditions +these distressing features of their behavior may become habitual. +Suitable surroundings and treatment would here consist of the +presence of good models and high ideals, sympathetic help in +resisting temptation, and not in a harsh denunciation of each +unapproved act as evidence of turpitude and perversion. You need not +assume that there _is_ perversion until that is demonstrated +beyond any doubt. For, if the child is morally redeemable, he should +be treated like one who is weak and who needs help until the +difficulties are mastered; otherwise you are likely to encourage in +him the feeling that he is hopeless, and he will relax all effort +for his own self-mastery. + +Along with the emotions related to romantic love there is a rapid +development of the religious side of the nature, of a consciousness +of the race as a whole, of a spirit of chivalry and disinterestedness-- +all emotions that bear a tremendous motive power which needs to be +guided into suitable channels. Never before and never again has the +individual the endurance and the energy for such self-sacrifice, for +such devotion, for such exertion in behalf of the purest of ideals. At +the same time, the increased sensitiveness shrinks from every sneer +and every evidence of misunderstanding or unsympathetic reproof. It is +therefore unwise to tease the girl or boy about the "friend" of the +opposite sex; it is cruel to sneer at their ambitions, and it may be +positively demoralizing to ridicule their ideals. + +A mother of unusual intelligence, who had devoted herself not only +to the routine work connected with her household and the care of her +children, but had made special efforts to keep informed on what was +going on in the world of thought and practical affairs, and who had +a busy life of varied activities, was walking along a city street +with her youngest son--just fifteen. The adolescent, who was rather +free in his comments on what went on around him, made this pretty +little speech to his mother: + +"Mother, I think you have a very petty mind. Here you fuss around +trying to help out that poor V---- family by getting together +clothing for the children, and an odd job for the old man once in a +while. And you have been trying to raise a fund to complete the +education of the W---- boy, and all things of that kind. But all you +have done does not help to solve the problem of poverty." + +The mother, who had indeed been carrying on these various good +works, alongside of many other activities, naturally resented the +criticism of her son. But what she minded most was the "inconsistency" +of the boy when, a few minutes later, they passed a street preacher +with a crowd about him. They could not hear what the man was saying, +but the wise young adolescent remarked, "I wish I had some money to +help that fellow with." + +Now, thinks the mother, what do you know about this man's purposes; +what is he working for? + +The boy did not know; but he wanted to do something "to help the +cause." What cause, he did not know--and did not care; for him it +was enough that here a man is devoting himself to a cause. + +And this incident illustrates nearly everything that makes the +adolescent so puzzling and so exasperating to older people. + +First of all, he had gotten hold of a large idea, which he could not +by any possibility understand in all its bearings; and on the basis +of this he criticises the charitable efforts of his mother and, +indeed, of her whole generation. Not only does he criticise the +prevailing, modes of philanthropic effort, but he condemns these +good people as having "petty" minds--because they do not all see +what he has seen, perhaps for as long as a day or two. His attitude +is not reasoned out, but arises from the deepest feelings of +sympathy for the great tragedy of poverty, which he takes in at one +sweep without patience for the details of individual poor people. +Then the preacher on the street corner, exposing himself to the +gibes and sneers of the unsympathetic crowd, appeals to him +instantly as a self-sacrificing champion of some "cause." It is his +religious feelings, his chivalric feelings, that are reached; he +would himself become a missionary, and the missionary is a hero that +appeals especially to the adolescent. There is no inconsistency +between his disapproval of specific acts of charity and his approval +of the preacher of an unknown cause. In both instances he gives +voice to his feelings for the larger, comprehensive ideals that are +just surging to the surface of his consciousness. + +This is the period in which you will one day complain that the young +person is giving altogether too much time and thought to details of +dress and fashion, only to remonstrate a few days later about his +careless or even slovenly appearance. On the whole, however, the +interest in dress and appearance will grow, because as the +adolescent boy or girl becomes conscious of his own personality he +thinks more and more of the appearance of his person, and especially +of how it appears to others. There is even the danger that the boy +will become a fop or a dandy, and that the girl will take to +overdressing. Argument is of little avail in such cases. The +association with persons of good taste who will arouse the +admiration or affection of the growing child will do more than hours +of sermons. If the boy can realize that one may be a fine man +without wearing the latest style in collars, or if the girl finds a +thoroughly admirable and lovable woman who does not observe the +customs of fashion too much, neither ridicule nor protest will be +necessary. + +In general, the adolescent will give us exercise in patience and in +imagination and in ingenuity. He will puzzle us and perplex us as +well as exasperate us. But if we cannot remember back to our own +golden age, we must try as best we can to believe that even this +will pass away. + + + + +XIV. + +HEREDITY AND ENVIRONMENT + +With special assistance from +BENJAMIN CHARLES GRUENBERG, Ph.D. + + +The frequent appearance of the "black sheep" in a flock of tolerably +white sheep, the frequent failure of the best efforts of parents and +teachers to make a fairly decent man out of a promising boy, have +led many to question whether, after all, the pains and effort are +worth while. We have come to question the wisdom of bothering about +"environment"; just as we sometimes question the existence of a +principle called "heredity." Every day some one asks the question, +"Do you believe in heredity?" And many times a day people discuss, +"Which is more important, heredity or environment?" + +These are certainly _practical_ questions for parents, since +the answers we receive must influence our practice or conduct in +relation to the children. If we felt quite sure that heredity was +everything and environment nothing, we should reduce our school +appropriations and build larger jails and asylums, or we should +resign ourselves as best we could to letting "nature take her +course." On the other hand, if we felt sure that heredity was +nothing and environment everything, we should proceed at once to +double our school equipment, raise the teachers' salaries, convert +our penal institutions into reformatories and our armories into +recreation centres, and advance the age of compulsory education just +as far as we thought we could afford to. + +Those who place the emphasis upon heredity, in the attempt to +discredit the value of thoughtful and painstaking control of the +environment of the developing child, usually remind us that a man +like Lincoln achieved power and distinction in spite of what we +would ordinarily consider serious obstacles to complete development, +whereas thousands of college graduates who have had all the +advantages that trained tutors and guarded surroundings can give +have developed into mediocre men and women--have even developed into +vicious and criminal men and women. They will remind us that from a +class of children that had the same teachers for many years has +emerged a group of very distinct men and women; they will remind us +that brothers and sisters with the identical "environment" turn out +to be so different. + +On the other hand, those who see nothing in "heredity" will point to +the same Lincoln and ask confidently why his ancestors and his +descendants do not show the same degree of power and achievement. +They will point to the same family of brothers and sisters who had +the same "heredity" and ask why they all turned out so differently. +The black sheep proves just as much--and just as little--for one +side of the argument as it does for the other. + +There are, it is true, many people who say that they "do not +believe" in either heredity or environment. Such people see the +difficulties of the disputants and reject both alternatives. They +prefer to say frankly that they do not understand the situation; +that life is too complex to be solved by puny human intellects. Or +they resort to some equally unintelligible explanation, such as +"Fate" or "Nature"--which is but another way of saying that we never +_can_ understand. On the other side stands the scientist who +refuses to shut his eyes to _any_ established facts, and +insists upon trying to understand as much as possible, though he may +never hope to understand all. + +But no one is prepared to say authoritatively that either heredity +or environment is the exclusive or even the predominant factor in +determining the character of the individual. Indeed, the voice of +the scientist, which is the only authoritative voice we have in such +matters, is telling us very plainly that the whole question of +"heredity _or_ environment" is not a real question at all: we +are confronted in every child with a case of heredity _and_ +environment, and the practical question is how to control the latter +so as to get the most from the former. + +To begin, then, in a modest way to understand what is understandable, +in the faith that understanding will grow with thought and +observation, is the first duty of those who are not content to fold +their hands in resignation or despair. We know that we can control +wherever we have real knowledge. The cook knows that she cannot make +roast duck out of pork chops; but she knows also that she can make +palatable and digestible pork chops by proceeding in one way, and that +she can make tough and sickening pork chops out of the same materials +by changing her procedure. In the same way the scientific approach to +the problem of child training teaches us that, while we cannot make a +"swan out of a goose," we can make the gosling into a better goose or +a poorer goose by the treatment we apply to it. + +A frequent source of doubt and misunderstanding is the universal +occurrence of such distinct types among brothers and sisters. The +query at once arises, "Have not these children the same heredity?" +Brothers and sisters have the same ancestors, but not the same +heredity. Recent biological discoveries teach us that the individual +develops from a bundle of units derived from the two parents, but the +units supplied by a parent never represent the totality of the +parents' composition, nor do all the units that are passed on come to +manifest themselves as parts of the character. The parent passes on +sample units from her or his own inheritance, so that no two +combinations are ever exactly alike. It is a commonplace observation +that Johnny may have his maternal grandmother's chin, his paternal +grandmother's eyes, his father's walk, his Uncle George's lips, his +Aunt Mary's sharp tongue, his grandfather's alertness, and his +mother's good judgment. Of course, he has _not_ his grandmother's eyes +or his uncle's lips: these relatives still retain their respective +facial organs, and his father still has his quick temper. What Johnny +has inherited is a something, perhaps in the nature of a ferment, +which _determines_ the color of his eyes, a certain something that +makes his lips develop into that particular shape, a certain something +that causes his brain to respond to annoyance in the same manner as +that of his Aunt Mary's. And the various ancestors and relatives have +received from their parents similar determining factors that have +manifested themselves in similar peculiarities. We do not inherit from +our relatives, or even from our parents: we are built up of the same +elements as those of which our relatives are built, but each one of us +has received his individual combination of factors. Hence, no two +brothers or sisters are exactly alike, although they have the same +parents and the same ancestors. + +While it is universally recognized that no two individuals are +exactly alike, we are not at all clear in our minds as to whether +the important differences arise from differences in experience or +_nurture_, or from essential differences in _nature_. We +know that children of the same parents are essentially different +from birth, and that no matter how similar the treatment they +receive afterward they will always remain different, or even become +more different as they become older. It is becoming more clear every +day, as a result of scientific study, that every individual is +absolutely unique, excepting only "true" twins. + +If we accept this individuality of the person as a fact, what, then, +is the importance of training or environment? Does not this +admission settle at once the contention of those who see no value at +all in a carefully-controlled environment? If this child is +_born_ without mathematical ability, what is the use of +drumming arithmetic into his head; or, if he is _born_ with +musical genius, why should we bother about teaching him music?--he +will "take" to it naturally. + +The answer to these and similar questions is to be found in the +answer to another question, namely, "What is it precisely that the +child is born with?" Surely no child is ever born with the ability +to dance or sing or to do sums in algebra. When we say that a child +has musical genius we mean merely that as he develops we may notice +in him a certain capacity to acquire musical knowledge more readily +than most other children do, or a certain disposition to express +himself in melody, or a certain liking for music in some form, or a +certain readiness to acquire control of musical instruments. In +other words, the child is born with a capacity for acquiring certain +things, from the outside, that is, from the environment--he is born +with certain possibilities, which can become actualities only if the +suitable conditions are provided. In the same way one child is born +with a capacity for exceptional muscular development, and another +for exceptional self-mastery. But in every case practice makes +perfect, the muscles must be properly nourished and exercised, the +will must be trained--and that means suitable environment. + +Now, while every individual is unique, not every child is a born +genius. The distinctiveness of each child lies in the fact that he +consists of a _combination_ of capacities and tendencies, each +of which varies in degree when compared with other individuals. For +example, Evelyn has about the same capacity for physical work as +Annie, but she stands lower than the latter in arithmetic and higher +in language work. John shows about the same physical power as Henry, +when measured by running and jumping and chinning; but John can hit +the ball with his bat more times out of a hundred than Henry can, +whereas Henry can hit the bull's-eye with his rifle more times out +of a hundred than John can. In a thousand details any two children +differ from each other, one excelling in nearly half of the points, +the other excelling perhaps in about as many, and the two standing +almost exactly alike in some matters. + +A child that excels most of his colleagues in one or a few points is +said to have marked ability in that direction--as the exceptional +athlete, or the child with exceptional literary or moral feeling. On +the other hand, a child that seems to measure well up to the average +in most points, and even to excel in a few, may fall far short in +some matters,--that is, may be deficient. Thus a perfectly good +child in every other way may be unable to master the ordinary +requirements in arithmetic, or a child may have an entirely +satisfactory development in every way and be deficient in musical +discrimination. + +Another kind of difference is to be found in what may be called +general capacity. Some children show higher capacity than the +average along nearly every line that can be measured or tested, +without showing a preponderance in any one direction. Such children +are said to be of high grade, or of high "vitality." In the same way +many children are below the average in nearly every line, without +being particularly defective along any one line. They can do one +thing about as well as another, just as the high-grade boys and +girls can do one thing about as well as another; but in the former +there is a limit to the possible development which is exceeded in +the latter. Among both classes of children the full development +depends upon suitable environment, but what is suitable for one may +not be suitable for the other. + +From a consideration of these differences in degree and difference +in kind we may see that there is no course of training or treatment, +no method of instruction, no trick for the mother or for the teacher +that will be usable for all children under all circumstances, to +make them all come up to some preconceived uniform standard. On the +other hand, if we consider the differences as worth developing, and +even emphasizing, it must be obvious that the training and the +treatment should be adapted to the individual child so far as +possible. Starting out with essentially different human beings, +uniform treatment will not make them all alike, nor will _any_ +treatment make them all alike. But starting out with a particular +human being, we can learn to treat him in such a way as to make him +develop into a more desirable person than he would become if he were +neglected or if he were treated differently. And that is the main +problem, after all. + +The relation between heredity and environment may perhaps be made +clear by an extreme illustration from the physical side. Here are +two full-grown men, both five feet and four inches tall. We observe +that they are both short. Now, the shortness of one of them turns +out to be the result of heredity,--that is, he belongs to a strain +of short people. No amount of feeding or of exercise or of special +régime could have made him more than a quarter or half an inch +taller. The other man, however, belongs to a race of rather taller +men and women: his shortness of stature may be traced to +undernutrition, or to overwork, or to sickness during his childhood. +It is quite certain that a different kind of environment would have +resulted in his being as tall as his brothers and sisters. + +Now, the problem of training concerns itself practically not so much +with the person who is particularly "long" by nature, nor so much +with the person who is unusually "short" by nature--and we may apply +"long" and "short" to every other trait as well as to stature. The +problem with these extremes is simply to keep the child in good +health. The special efforts of the teacher and of the parent are +devoted to giving the child who appears somewhat below the average +in some particular those special stimulations and exercises and +feedings that will bring him up to the average. We find the +extremely short too discouraging, and the extremely long do not +clamor for our attention; but it is those near the middle-point that +we want to help over to the other side of the dividing line. And +this is just as true of an undesirable character as it is of a +desirable one. We take no trouble to teach honesty to the child that +seems instinctively honest; and we give up in despair with the child +that convinces us of his utter lack of a moral sense: we concentrate +our efforts upon the delinquents whom we catch early, or upon those +who are in danger of sliding down if they are not helped along. + +Perhaps one reason for the great confusion on this subject arises out +of the fact that we have become accustomed to making a sharp +distinction between physical characters on the one hand and so-called +mental and moral qualities on the other. Every one recognizes family +resemblances in physical features. A particular shape of nose or a +peculiarity of the hand appears in every member of the family, +sometimes for several successive generations. Facts like these we +accept as evidence of "heredity" without any question. We also +recognize that the Joneses of Centerville always take the measles +"hard," whereas with the Andersons vaccination never "takes." But when +it comes to mental qualities, which we are not accustomed to measure +or to recognize with the same degree of discrimination, most of us +fail to see that heredity is just as common for these as for physical +traits. Moreover, mental qualities take on such a great variety of +forms that their recognition is made doubly difficult. Thus it may be +the same mental traits that make of a certain man a successful lawyer, +of his brother an able scientist, and of their cousin a clever +criminal. No doubt each of these three men has qualities in a degree +lacking in the others; but the point is that they have many qualities +in common which are obscured by the different lines of development +they have followed. + +The old parable of the wheat cast upon the ground may help us. That +which falls upon stony ground fails of germination; that which falls +upon poor soil will germinate, but will die of drought or be +scorched by the sun; that which falls upon good soil will develop +into a good plant. The _kind_ of plant that may develop is +determined by the seed, by heredity; _how_ the plant will +develop is determined by the surrounding conditions, by the +environment. On the physical side these facts are so familiar to us +that we never question the connection between development and food, +or between development and exercise, or between development and +other physical conditions. Of course, we say, an undernourished +child will never be strong; of course, an overworked child will +never be strong, of course, drinking and smoking and other +dissipation will prevent healthy development. And yet, do we not +know that of two underfed children, one will show the ill effects +more than the other; that of two overworked children, one will +survive abuse with less permanent injury than the other. + +We must, then, have clear in our minds the idea that everything that +happens to a child and that may produce a reaction or an effect is +worth considering from the point of view of its influence upon his +development. Indeed, instead of discussing heredity _versus_ +environment, we should try to conceive of the personality of the +child as made up of the effect of a certain heredity responding to a +certain environment. For example, the child inherits the instinct to +handle things. At a certain age this instinct will take the form of +handling objects within reach, and of breaking them. We cannot say +that the child has an instinct for breaking vases or tearing books; +he has simply the instinct to _do_ something with material that +he can handle. Now, it is possible for the child to exercise this +instinct only on material that can be broken or torn; it is also +possible for the child to exercise it on material that can be +manipulated constructively--as blocks for building, clay for +shaping, or, later, tools of various kinds. In one case the child +establishes habits of tearing or breaking; in the other the same +instincts--the same "heredity," that is--issues in habits of +_making_. Or we may take the instinct of curiosity, which every +normal child will manifest at an early stage. This instinct may find +exercise in wondering what is in parcels or closed cupboards; or it +may exercise itself in wondering about the thunder and the flowers +and the things under the earth; or it may be quite suppressed by +discouragement or by unsatisfying indulgence. Thus the same instinct +may lead under different treatments to different results. This does +not mean that every child has the making of an investigator; it +means that a perfectly healthy instinct capable of being turned to +good use is often perverted or crushed out because we have not +learned to cultivate it profitably through control of the growing +child's development. + +There is abundant evidence that the mental and moral capacities are +inherited in the same way as the purely physical or physiological +ones. We have, however, much more to learn about how to control the +development of the former than about the control of the latter. Yet +this point should be clear to every parent and teacher; whatever the +child's inheritance may be, the full development of his capacities +is possible only under suitable external conditions. What these +conditions are depends upon the combination of capacities that the +particular child possesses. But to find out what these capacities +are we must give the child an opportunity to show "what's in him." +This we can do by placing him in an environment simple enough for +him to adjust himself to readily, and at the same time complex +enough to give every side of his nature a chance to respond. This is +the significance of modern educational movements that seek to leave +the child untrammelled in his responses to what goes on around him. +We have learned that some children will become tall and that others +will never reach beyond a certain height; we seek merely to keep +them healthy by suitable feeding, exercise, rest, bathing, etc. But +in the matter of mental development we have not yet learned that it +is impossible for all children to reach the same degree of +linguistic or mathematical or artistic development, and we try to +bring all of them up to our preconceived standard of what a child +_should_ do in each line. The thing that we need to find out is +what a particular child _can_ do; and then we must give him the +opportunity and the encouragement to do his best. The things we +encourage him to do will be the basis for the habits which he will +form, for the skill which he will acquire--and so for the activities +that will yield him satisfaction and determine his behavior in +relation to others. That is, the things the child learns to do well +will determine what kind of a person he will be when he grows up. + +But it would be a mistake to suppose that every child is born with a +set of special aptitudes that fit him for some particular occupation. +Many children do indeed have rather special types of native ability, +as the child of artistic proclivities, or the "natural born" preacher. +And, on the other hand, many children are born with marked +shortcomings in their makeup, although these "deficiencies" need not +always interfere with their developing into excellent men and women. +For example, a child may be color-blind, or incapable of mastering a +foreign language in school, or awkward in doing work requiring great +skill--and yet capable of doing high-grade work in other lines. Those +children that have strongly-marked proclivities--which usually show +themselves early in life and which are commonly associated with strong +likes and dislikes--will no doubt do the most effective work along the +lines of their native talents. And those with marked deficiencies +should certainly not be directed into occupations wherein the lacking +talents are essential for success. But the great mass of children vary +from each other not so much in the directions along which their +special abilities lie as in the degree to which they are capable of +developing the ordinary abilities which they do have. For such +children the choice of an occupation cannot wisely be made very early +in life, nor should a very special choice be made until there has been +an opportunity to try out a large variety of activities and processes. +Indeed, even for the child of decided genius it is desirable that +there be a chance to try out many kinds of activities, both physical +and mental. This is desirable not so much in the hope of counteracting +his special bent on the theory of supplying exercise for the functions +that are not to his liking as for the purpose of giving him an +opportunity to find out _all_ he can do, and to give us a chance to +find out all he can do well. + +Even children who pass as "average" children, however, may be +divided into classes according to the variations in their native +capacities. That is to say, some children, although not exhibiting +any special talents or special deficiencies, are nevertheless more +easily adjusted to doing muscular work than others; some are more +happy in the manipulation of numbers; some show greater patience; +some are more easily fatigued by the repetition of a process; some +cannot stand on their feet for long periods without suffering, and +so on. These differences should certainly be taken into +consideration, first of all, in the treatment accorded them in the +school and at home, in what is required of them, in the selection of +studies, etc. And, in the second place, these facts should be +considered in the choice of general fields of occupation. It would +be the height of cruelty and of injustice to insist upon Walter's +preparing for and entering his father's business--just to keep up +the family tradition--when a little attention to the boy's work in +school and to his play and to his personal preferences and tastes +would show that he was eminently unsuited for the business, and at +the same time well suited for some technical pursuit such as +engineering. Untold misery and failure spring from our negligence in +these matters, no less than from our direction of the child's +development in accordance with the parents' ambitions rather than in +accordance with the child's discoverable abilities and disabilities. + +How far short our ordinary training falls of giving our various +capacities their full development is shown by the exquisite +acuteness of touch and of hearing acquired by children who become +blind in infancy. The senses of touch and hearing are here developed +so far beyond what ordinary persons ever attain that the belief is +quite common that one who is defective in one sense has been +compensated by "nature" with special capacity in the other senses. +As a matter of fact, however, the extreme development is not the +result of special endowment or "heredity," but altogether the result +of special training or "environment." + +There is a certain sense in which the idea of heredity impresses one +with a paralyzing feeling of inevitableness. When a child is born +his sex is irrevocably fixed; the character of his eyes and of his +hair, the form of his features and the ridges on his finger-tips are +unalterable except through mutilation or disease. But up to a +certain limit the child will grow just in proportion to the nurture +that he receives. And what that limit is we may not know until we +find out through years of patient effort, through endless trying out +in every direction. He will grow farther in some directions than in +others, and the _limit_ in each direction is the element of +destiny supplied by heredity. Very few, however, reach their limit +in many directions, and no person has ever reached his limit in +every direction. The distance we do actually go depends, in +practice, altogether upon the kind of environment that is supplied. +This environment, so far as the growing child is concerned, is +entirely within our control, and we have no right to give up our +efforts and to shift the responsibility to unsatisfactory heredity +until we are quite sure that all has been done that suitable +surroundings and treatment--suitable "environment"--can do. We must +watch and wait, and work hard while we wait and watch. + + + + +XV. + +FREEDOM AND DISCIPLINE + + +Is it not strange that "school," which we provide for our beloved +children for their own good, at so great a cost of thought and +money, should be so little appreciated by them? Is it not strange +that "school," which is intended to give power and freedom, should +be looked upon by the children as no better than a prison--a good +place from which to escape? + +We grown folks know how valuable school and training and discipline +are. Do we not sometimes sigh that we had not more of these +blessings in our own childhood? Or that we did not take advantage of +the little we had? If the children only knew--perhaps they would not +so eagerly seek to escape into what they vainly imagine to be +"freedom." Perhaps. + +Grown folks who have thought about the matter know, of course, that +"freedom" is something different from merely being left alone. They +know that freedom is a state to be attained only through effort. +They know that freedom results from a discipline which makes a +person the master of his impulses, instead of leaving him their +slave. They know that the freedom worth striving for is freedom from +our own caprices and moods, from our blindness and ignorance and +passions. It is for this reason that we value discipline, quite +apart from anything that it may contribute to our ability to live +harmoniously with others, quite apart from anything it may do to +increase our power in an economic sense. + +But if discipline is the means for attaining freedom, how does it +come about that in the past (and for most people to-day) discipline +has appeared as a method of _compelling_ children to do the +right thing--"until they have the habit"? How does it come about +that discipline, in the minds of most people, consists so largely of +_restraining_ children from doing undesirable acts--until they +are well started into the safe age of discretion? The reason seems +to be that the need for discipline or training makes itself most +quickly felt where children--or older people--infringe upon the +rights of others, or upon the proprieties. We miss discipline where +a child fails of self-restraint, acts impulsively, or loses his +temper. In short, failure of early training is indicated wherever +there is lack of self-control, or a lack of proper application to +the business in hand. It is therefore natural that discipline should +early take the form of commanding and prohibiting. + +It is but a short step from this view of discipline to the +philosophy that what children do spontaneously, what they like to +do, must be wrong. And the complement to this is the feeling that +virtue and character can arise only from doing what is disagreeable +or difficult. + +But the newer studies in the psychology of childhood lead to a +totally different theory of character formation. And many +experiments made in schools and institutions confirm these new +theories at every point. Moreover, if we look about, perhaps even in +our own homes, I am sure we can all find abundant support for the +modern view. + +The new studies have to do with the relation that our emotions bear +to our activities and especially to the formation of habits. To +learn to do a thing, we have known for ages, we must practise +continuously and uniformly. But we did not know that the state of +feelings connected with the performance of the act had anything to +do with the result. Richard must master the scales in his music +study. These scales can be mastered in only one way--he must play +them over and over and over again, until he just has them. But +suppose Richard does not care to practise the scales over and over +and over again? Suppose that he does not care whether he ever +masters the scales or not. Well, he can be _made_ to practise, +at any rate; and perhaps some day he will thank his elders for +having thus forced upon him the extremely valuable but unappreciated +command of the scales. + +But what happens in the course of this forced practise? There is +resentment, and antagonism and a growing hatred of scales, of the +man who first vented scales, of sloping rows of notes on the page of +music. And this resentment is more likely to prevent a real mastery +of the task than the enforced practise is to ensure it. The +antagonism will, at any rate, counteract the value of the practise +to a large degree. The third element in the fixation of habits that +we have heretofore too generally disregarded is that of +_satisfaction_; this is no less important than regularity and +frequency of action. + +The absence of satisfaction, to say nothing of the presence of +opposite feelings, is of itself sufficient to prevent effective +learning, whether of knowledge or of skill. And when the opposite +feelings are present, the acquired act or idea tends to be pushed +out of the system at the earliest opportunity. It is in some such +way as this that many specialists in the workings of the human mind +would explain so much of our "forgetting." They say that we forget +either because we really wish to forget--the facts are unpleasant-- +or because we do not sufficiently care to remember--the facts are +not sufficiently interesting, they do not sufficiently concern us. + +Out of the psychological facts pertaining to the relation of the +feeling state to the learning process and to the habit-forming +process, is developed the doctrine of "interest" in education. The +very name "interest" suggests to many that this must be some plan +for sugar-coating education, or perhaps for giving children only +what they like. And this is quite the opposite of the traditional +view which is expressed by the humorist who said, "It does not +matter much what you teach a boy, so long as he doesn't like it." +But the idea of interest in modern psychology does not mean letting +the child have his own way, any more than discipline means doing +only what is unpleasant or difficult. + +We can see the basic truth at the foundation of this view in the +age-long usage of the race, which awards prizes and penalties for +"good" actions and "evil" actions, respectively. If you should be +asked "_Why_ did you reward Maryann," "_Why_ did you punish Henry;" +you would no doubt say something like this: If we reward a child for +doing what we approve, he is more likely to do that sort of thing +again; if we punish, or impose unpleasant consequences, upon acts that +we disapprove, such acts are less likely to be repeated. In other +words, we have known right along that _satisfaction_ somehow leads the +child to repeat the conditions that brought about the satisfaction; +and that suffering somehow leads the child to avoid the conditions +that brought about the suffering. + +What the new psychology does here is to unify what we have known. We +say not the performance of an act alone will establish a habit; not +the repetition alone will establish it; not the subsequent +satisfaction alone. All of these factors must take part, and they +must take part in association. The feeling must accompany the act. +It is not sufficient that Richard be assured that some time in the +vague future he will derive deep satisfaction from being master of +the scales; he must somehow be made to feel a present concern either +in what he is doing, or a real interest in the outcome. The time +that is to elapse between the beginning of his "practice" and the +satisfaction he is to receive must not be beyond the child's power +to appreciate. + +In our actual dealing with children our experience leads us to make +use of these principles, often without realizing all that is +implied. For example, when the young child by your side shows signs +of weariness, and you still have some distance to go, you try to +stimulate his interest by telling him of the good things to come at +journey's end. If this does not serve your purpose, you draw his +attention to the bird on the tree only a hundred feet away, or you +challenge him to race with you to the next telegraph post. And if +you challenge him to such a race, you are sensible enough to let him +win it, for you know very well that nothing will discourage him so +much as defeat--that is, the unpleasant feeling of failure; and you +know that nothing will stimulate him quite as much as the +satisfaction of defeating you. In other words, you set before him +one goal after another, each but a small fraction of the main +journey, and each within the appreciation of the child, and each +offering a satisfactory conclusion that is readily and eagerly +seized as _worth striving for_, here and now. + +Now it may be asked, what discipline is there in doing always what +brings satisfaction? How can the children ever learn to do the +disagreeable but necessary tasks that make up so large a part of +every-day living? Where will they ever learn that some things must +be done, not because we like to do them, but because it is our duty +to do them? And these are indeed serious questions. There are two +sets of answers. One of them consists of the results actually +achieved in dealing with children from the new point of view. The +other is a challenge to make clear just what we mean by discipline +and task and duty. + +To take the latter first, is it not true that one part of our object +is in the form of acquired knowledge and acquired skill? Practising +the scales, or studying the multiplication table is not an end in +itself. We require study and practice because we believe that the +knowledge or the skill is worth having. Now it has been shown over +and over again that what is learned with satisfaction sticks; and +what is learned with pain is thrown overboard the first minute the +watchman is off his guard. Are the names of writers with the titles +of their books less well remembered by children who learn them +through the game of "Authors" than they are by children who might be +required to memorize them from a catalog? Are the sums and products +of numbers acquired in keeping scores of games less accurate and +less permanent in the mind of the child than the same sums and +products learned as school exercises? Is the skill acquired in +handling tools--sewing costumes, or making scenery for an amateur +play--any less effective or less lasting than the skill acquired in +sewing yards of stitches or sawing yards of board just for +"exercise" in a class? On the contrary, other things being equal, +arithmetic and authors and sewing and tinkering can be made both +more effective and more lasting when associated with pleasurable +feelings than when performed under strain, compulsion and +resentment. If it is only a question of "learning" this or that, +there is no doubt that the pleasant way is in every respect the +better way. + +But, of course, it is not merely a question of learning the specific +skill or knowledge. There is also the need for learning application, +persistence through difficulties, endurance, and the other hardy +virtues that distinguish a disciplined character. And here the +contrast between the old attitude and the new is most marked. We can +certainly force children to do what is disagreeable; we can hold +them to their tasks when they are tempted to abandon the monotonous +and wearisome round of uninteresting drudgery. But is this the only +way to get for the children experience with such necessary, though +unpleasant, work? We are assuming of course that such experience is +necessary, since uninteresting work cannot be separated from most +important undertakings. A typical experience in a school that has +for several years conducted a class along the lines of the newer +psychology can answer our question. + +One of the difficulties that had to be overcome was the mastery of +simple addition. Another was the art of writing; and of course +reading is a necessary art of modern life. Instead of the usual +drill and practice and exercises, this class passed through the +drudgery stage without realizing that school was a prison. This was +during the autumn of the Armistice. Food conservation and thrift +were in the air. These children were presented with a quantity of +garden vegetables, but there was more than they could use +themselves, so the suggestion was made that they could have the +surplus for future use. The children, under guidance, did all the +work connected with cold-pack canning of the tomatoes. This work was +not at every point "interesting," in the superficial sense; but the +purpose of the entire project was one that appealed to the children, +so that they were quite satisfied to do the many essential details. +Did they not here learn to clean their dishes and jars as well as +they would have done had the cleaning been a "duty" imposed +arbitrarily from above? Must drudgery be dreaded to be well done? + +Let the teacher who had charge of this class describe what happened, +in her own words. + +"The success of the first small group in carrying through the +various steps ... led to further work of the same sort, as various +vegetables were given us. The children also dried apples and lima +beans which they gathered themselves at the school farm. + +"That the interest in this rather exacting work was sustained for +two months was doubtless due to the fact that the children had a +genuine purpose in canning a large quantity of vegetables. For early +in the work, upon the suggestion of one of the class, it had been +decided to have a sale and use the proceeds to buy milk for a sick +baby. Although I had not thought of this plan myself, I was glad to +lend it my support. + +"The final preparation for the sale occupied a large share of the +time for several weeks. The chief consideration from the children's +point of view seemed to be who should take charge of the business of +selling. They had conducted a play store intermittently during the +fall, but, upon testing, it was found that most of the class were +ill prepared to act as salespeople.[A] The children readily +recognized this fact and willingly went to work to drill on addition +and subtraction. The most successful drill was accomplished by means +of a dramatic rehearsal of the forthcoming sale, some children +impersonating the visitors and the others the salesmen. Real money, +correct prices, and the actual jars of vegetables and fruit were +used for this play. + +[Footnote A: Remember these were second-grade children--most of them +seven or eight years old.] + +"The need of invitations, of price lists, and of bookkeepers the day +of the sale, was also recognized and led to much needed practice in +written English. The prices were determined by a study of the latest +food catalog, a small group with a teacher undertaking this work. It +necessitated the use of an alphabetical index, and in some cases the +calculation of the price of pints, when only quarts were listed, as +we had used both pint and quart jars. + +"Further preparation consisted of the making of labels for the jars +and of posters for the room. The art teacher, when called in to +advise, taught the children how to make accurate square letters, +which they used in various sizes for the labels and posters. The +making of fifty or more small labels with half-inch letters proved +irksome to the little people, but they showed much persistence in +completing the task, because of their interest in the sale. The +eight children who made the final large posters did a great deal of +intelligent, painstaking work. From the artistic point of view, the +posters were not noteworthy, but they represented the children's own +suggestions. + +"The sale was conducted by the children, who made their own change, +kept records of sales and wrapped up purchases. The various duties +were agreed upon by the class, in accordance with each one's proved +ability to carry them out, and everyone had some share." + +In this simple account of an experimental class conducted at the +Ethical Culture School, in New York, under the direction of Miss +Mabel R. Goodlander, are many references to drill and practice. But +throughout all of the work it was possible to maintain the interest +of the children because, apparently, the attention was not on the +drill as an end in itself, but upon the special skill or knowledge +as a means to a more remote end. And this remote end was not the +formal one of "passing," or being promoted, or getting a good mark, +but the vital, urgent purpose of raising money through the sale for +a sick baby's milk. Undoubtedly the "motives" of the several +children in this class were varied and mixed--like the motives of +good citizens who are united in support of a particular candidate, +or a particular platform. But there was enough common purpose to +insure cooperation and persistence and effort from every single +child in proportion to his ability. The learning of stupid sums and +the practice in penmanship are no more attractive to these children +than they are to ordinary children in ordinary schools in all parts +of the country. But they overcame all internal obstacles, went +through with all of the monotony and drudgery, and to that extent +triumphed over any disposition to shirk or to loaf or to dawdle or +to flit from work to sensation. + +And how is it with the learning of responsibility, with acquiring a +sense of duty? Many of us have no doubt learned what we have learned +of duty and responsibility, through the constant repetition of "Thou +shalt" and "Thou shalt not" by our elders during our own growing +years. But results at least as valuable have been obtained in the +cases of others through the constant rubbing up against their equals +in a free give-and-take atmosphere. Children learn to live with +others by living with others. They learn to work with others--to +"cooperate"--by working with others. They learn to play the game, to +do teamwork, to play fair, to play in good form, to hit hard only by +playing according to rule, with others, with worthy opponents, under +good supervision. In short, the "discipline" that makes for power +and freedom may be quite as easily obtained through the exercise of +freedom as through external coercion--nay, more easily, and more +effectively. + +It is fair to ask whether training for a game is not quite analogous +to our idea of training for life; and whether the methods which are +found to be effective in the former kind of training are not equally +valuable for the latter. Assuming the analogy, would you have a child +learn the rules of such games as baseball or tennis from a book before +allowing him to handle a ball, or before letting him see a game? Would +you expect him to cooperate in teamwork after a long period of +drill upon the _rules_ governing team cooperation? Would you expect +him to hit hard because he has learned the correct answer to the +question, How should a player hit? + +This may not seem a fair comparison to some of the "training" that +has actually been tried. Perhaps a more familiar analogy would be in +teaching a child correct movements for the game to be mastered, +separated from any experience with real games. Boys are "practicing" +for a game, and each one is drilling on some special detail, +hitting, catching, running bases, long throws, or what not; each one +of them has in mind as part of his moving purpose not only his +team's success and glory, but his own individual responsibility. +Contrast this with the same boys required to drill at precisely the +same movements on the theory that the "exercise" will do them good, +or that some time in the future they might have to meet a situation +in which a long throw or a swift run would be significant. Do you +expect the same enthusiasm and energy to be developed in both cases? +And if not the same enthusiasm and energy, can we expect the same +results--whether we view the results as so much skill or technic, +whether we view the results as so much "training in drudgery," or +whether we consider the results from the viewpoint of moral values +as so much devotion, self-sacrifice, restraint? The "moral" values +that have been for years attributed to athletics appear after all to +be the effects of intense, enthusiastic, and interested +participation in teamwork--that is, in purposeful and energetic +concern with joint undertakings. + +The responsibilities we wish to develop, the sense of duty, no less +than the application and persistence, no less than knowledge and +skill, are types of habits which are best formed under the glow of +satisfying experience. Far from assuming a soft life for the child, +the idea of interest assumes the most strenuous kind of life. And +the experiences of all who have tried it justifies the assumption. +The experimental class already mentioned, similar experiments by +Mrs. Marietta Johnson at Fairhope, Alabama and elsewhere, +experimental classes at the Lincoln School and at the Horace Mann +School, at various "play" schools in this country and in England, +all show more continuous application of the children to whatever +they happen to have in hand, longer periods of intense activity, and +no sign whatever of loafing or shirking. The activities selected by +the children themselves involve just as much "discipline" as +anything that can be selected for them. + +In these schools the children never hear the teacher call for +"attention," for although everybody knows that attention is an +essential of effective work, the attention takes care of itself +where the children already feel a genuine concern in the outcome. +And this concern insures satisfactory application, since the +children look forward to satisfying results. This does not mean, of +course, that either the work itself or the result is necessarily +"pleasant," in the ordinary sense. Often, indeed, it is quite the +reverse, as when the racer is exerting every last reserve of his +energy in the final spurt, or when the contestants are in suspense +awaiting the decision of the judges as to which is the best cake. +And the endless grind of practice and preparation is no more +"pleasant" to the child who knows the purpose and approves the +purpose of his efforts (having taken part in selecting the +undertaking) than similar exertion is to the child whose work is all +planned and directed by outsiders; but the satisfactions connected +with the exertions are different in the two cases, and the +corresponding results are correspondingly different. + +The principle of interest as a guide to the training of children can +be applied in the home as well as in the school. It means, first of +all, taking into account the interests, tastes, preferences of the +children. As has already been suggested in earlier chapters, there +are many occasions when the child may be consulted or given a choice +of action, of amusements, of purchases, and so on--situations in +which it is a matter of indifference to older people, but in which +the making of a decision or a choice is both satisfying and valuable +to the child. Even where the decision is not an indifferent one, our +own should not be imposed in an arbitrary manner; when it differs +from that of the child, we can get his assent and cooperation, where +an arbitrary choice leaves him cold or even resentful. + +The games children play, whether by themselves or with other +children, are only in part manifestations of tastes: they represent +to a degree stages of development. For the reason, therefore, that +interests develop, we shall find that what is a favorable time for +one child is not necessarily a favorable time for another child to +learn a particular thing. This is very well shown by the great +differences found among children, as to learning school subjects +like reading or writing. In some the interest is aroused very early, +and for them this is the best time; with others the interest does +not appear until the third or fourth grade, or even later, and for +such children this is the best time. There is no one period that is +best for all children; by attempting to treat all alike, therefore, +we not only waste a great deal of energy and good feeling, but we +often defeat our purpose by antagonizing the children and thus +making them resist the very things we want them to hug to +themselves. And this is just as true of what we try to do in the +home as it is of school teaching. + +To discover the interests of the children requires that they be +given an opportunity to express themselves. This means in most cases +much more freedom than children have heretofore enjoyed. But it +means also constant vigilance on the part of the elders, not so much +to guard against the freedom being abused, as to guard against the +opportunity being wasted. The taste in games or in reading, the +choice of companions or of leisure time occupations must not only +show themselves to be indulged; they must be seized upon by those +who guide the children, as means for giving drive and direction to +further development. A child who devotes too much time to athletics +and too little to literature, may be drawn to reading through books +about athletic contests of the classics, or through modern stories +of college life. On the other hand, the boy who is prone to get his +satisfactions vicariously and to neglect active participation in +games and other activities, must be led through his reading, +properly selected and unostentatiously placed under his nose, to +more direct concern with producing practical effects in his +environment. The interest, once discovered, must be the means for +stimulating to greater exertion and to closer unification of the +child's activities. + +One of the things that presents a difficulty in every generation is +the fact that the social and moral ideals change from age to age. We +are thus constantly tempted to put into the characters of our +children those traits that were valued highly by our parents, +without always considering the importance of each item for the days +in which our children will play their parts. Thus it comes about +that many of the virtues that have a traditional value may be +questioned when offered as staples for citizens of to-morrow. +Obedience, for example, is a permanent necessity in a society that +rests upon the assumption that one or a few chosen men represent the +will of the gods on earth, but has only a transitory value in a +democracy. As someone has said, obedience in childhood must be +considered as a scaffold that is useful while the lasting parts of +the structure are being put in place; when the desired structure is +completed, obedience is naturally removed as of no further service. +Now the kind of discipline required in a democracy calls for an +attitude or disposition that makes cooperation with others come as a +matter of course; it calls for the making of decisions, or the +forming of opinions, on the basis of facts; and it calls for the +habit of taking due account of the rights of others. The training +for this class of habits is best obtained through methods that take +full account of children's interests. + +Just as the older outlook turned to "discipline" as a means for +obtaining freedom, the new psychology utilizes freedom as a means +for obtaining discipline. In both cases the end is of course the +same--that is, the liberation of the human spirit and the organizing +of the individual's powers to the greatest good. But as our ideas of +human relations and of values have changed, science has given us new +methods for attaining the final goals that we set ourselves. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Your Child: Today and Tomorrow +by Sidonie Matzner Gruenberg + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK YOUR CHILD: TODAY AND TOMORROW *** + +This file should be named ychld10.txt or ychld10.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, ychld11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, ychld10a.txt + +Produced by Stan Goodman, Anne Folland, Tom Allen +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we usually do not +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +We are now trying to release all our eBooks one year in advance +of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. +Please be encouraged to tell us about any error or corrections, +even years after the official publication date. + +Please note neither this listing nor its contents are final til +midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. +The official release date of all Project Gutenberg eBooks is at +Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A +preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment +and editing by those who wish to do so. + +Most people start at our Web sites at: +http://gutenberg.net or +http://promo.net/pg + +These Web sites include award-winning information about Project +Gutenberg, including how to donate, how to help produce our new +eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter (free!). + + +Those of you who want to download any eBook before announcement +can get to them as follows, and just download by date. This is +also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the +indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an +announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter. + +http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext03 or +ftp://ftp.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext03 + +Or /etext02, 01, 00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90 + +Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want, +as it appears in our Newsletters. + + +Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) + +We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The +time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours +to get any eBook selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright +searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. Our +projected audience is one hundred million readers. If the value +per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 +million dollars per hour in 2002 as we release over 100 new text +files per month: 1240 more eBooks in 2001 for a total of 4000+ +We are already on our way to trying for 2000 more eBooks in 2002 +If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total +will reach over half a trillion eBooks given away by year's end. + +The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away 1 Trillion eBooks! +This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, +which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users. + +Here is the briefest record of our progress (* means estimated): + +eBooks Year Month + + 1 1971 July + 10 1991 January + 100 1994 January + 1000 1997 August + 1500 1998 October + 2000 1999 December + 2500 2000 December + 3000 2001 November + 4000 2001 October/November + 6000 2002 December* + 9000 2003 November* +10000 2004 January* + + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been created +to secure a future for Project Gutenberg into the next millennium. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +As of February, 2002, contributions are being solicited from people +and organizations in: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, +Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, +Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Massachusetts, +Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New +Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, +Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South +Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West +Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. + +We have filed in all 50 states now, but these are the only ones +that have responded. + +As the requirements for other states are met, additions to this list +will be made and fund raising will begin in the additional states. +Please feel free to ask to check the status of your state. + +In answer to various questions we have received on this: + +We are constantly working on finishing the paperwork to legally +request donations in all 50 states. If your state is not listed and +you would like to know if we have added it since the list you have, +just ask. + +While we cannot solicit donations from people in states where we are +not yet registered, we know of no prohibition against accepting +donations from donors in these states who approach us with an offer to +donate. + +International donations are accepted, but we don't know ANYTHING about +how to make them tax-deductible, or even if they CAN be made +deductible, and don't have the staff to handle it even if there are +ways. + +Donations by check or money order may be sent to: + +Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +PMB 113 +1739 University Ave. +Oxford, MS 38655-4109 + +Contact us if you want to arrange for a wire transfer or payment +method other than by check or money order. + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been approved by +the US Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(3) organization with EIN +[Employee Identification Number] 64-622154. Donations are +tax-deductible to the maximum extent permitted by law. As fund-raising +requirements for other states are met, additions to this list will be +made and fund-raising will begin in the additional states. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +You can get up to date donation information online at: + +http://www.gutenberg.net/donation.html + + +*** + +If you can't reach Project Gutenberg, +you can always email directly to: + +Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com> + +Prof. Hart will answer or forward your message. + +We would prefer to send you information by email. + + +**The Legal Small Print** + + +(Three Pages) + +***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS**START*** +Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. +They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with +your copy of this eBook, even if you got it for free from +someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our +fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement +disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how +you may distribute copies of this eBook if you want to. + +*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS EBOOK +By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +eBook, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept +this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive +a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this eBook by +sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person +you got it from. If you received this eBook on a physical +medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. + +ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM EBOOKS +This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBooks, +is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart +through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). +Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright +on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and +distribute it in the United States without permission and +without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth +below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this eBook +under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. + +Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market +any commercial products without permission. + +To create these eBooks, the Project expends considerable +efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain +works. Despite these efforts, the Project's eBooks and any +medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other +things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged +disk or other eBook medium, a computer virus, or computer +codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. + +LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES +But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, +[1] Michael Hart and the Foundation (and any other party you may +receive this eBook from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook) disclaims +all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including +legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR +UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, +INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE +OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE +POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. + +If you discover a Defect in this eBook within 90 days of +receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) +you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that +time to the person you received it from. If you received it +on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and +such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement +copy. If you received it electronically, such person may +choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to +receive it electronically. + +THIS EBOOK IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS +TO THE EBOOK OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A +PARTICULAR PURPOSE. + +Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or +the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the +above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you +may have other legal rights. + +INDEMNITY +You will indemnify and hold Michael Hart, the Foundation, +and its trustees and agents, and any volunteers associated +with the production and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm +texts harmless, from all liability, cost and expense, including +legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the +following that you do or cause: [1] distribution of this eBook, +[2] alteration, modification, or addition to the eBook, +or [3] any Defect. + +DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" +You may distribute copies of this eBook electronically, or by +disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this +"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, +or: + +[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this + requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the + eBook or this "small print!" statement. You may however, + if you wish, distribute this eBook in machine readable + binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, + including any form resulting from conversion by word + processing or hypertext software, but only so long as + *EITHER*: + + [*] The eBook, when displayed, is clearly readable, and + does *not* contain characters other than those + intended by the author of the work, although tilde + (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may + be used to convey punctuation intended by the + author, and additional characters may be used to + indicate hypertext links; OR + + [*] The eBook may be readily converted by the reader at + no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent + form by the program that displays the eBook (as is + the case, for instance, with most word processors); + OR + + [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at + no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the + eBook in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC + or other equivalent proprietary form). + +[2] Honor the eBook refund and replacement provisions of this + "Small Print!" statement. + +[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Foundation of 20% of the + gross profits you derive calculated using the method you + already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation" + the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were + legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent + periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to + let us know your plans and to work out the details. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +Project Gutenberg is dedicated to increasing the number of +public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed +in machine readable form. + +The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time, +public domain materials, or royalty free copyright licenses. +Money should be paid to the: +"Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or +software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at: +hart@pobox.com + +[Portions of this eBook's header and trailer may be reprinted only +when distributed free of all fees. Copyright (C) 2001, 2002 by +Michael S. Hart. Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be +used in any sales of Project Gutenberg eBooks or other materials be +they hardware or software or any other related product without +express permission.] + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS*Ver.02/11/02*END* + diff --git a/old/ychld10.zip b/old/ychld10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c34853a --- /dev/null +++ b/old/ychld10.zip |